Venting to the World

Advice for American men dating Brazilian women

One cannot generalize and say that all Brazilians or Brazilian women for that mattter are the same. Brazilians differ in terms of socio-economic status, class, educational levels and ethnicity.
On the other hand, there are some cultural similarities in the way people are raised. Don’t be surprised if both of you have communication problems due to upbringing differences, as well as food preferences and other habits that can cause trouble.

Here are some general pointers (which I repeat may not apply to all Brazilian women):

1) There is a strong sense of family in Brazil. The extended family is also important. People tend to live close to Mom and Dad, aunts and uncles. It is also a matriarchal society (although men had the power for generations, when it comes to raising kids, mothers are considered more important than fathers). There are not many people living alone in Brazil. Almost everyone has a partner. Divorce rates unfortunately are growing, so this may change. Still, it is not a very individualistic society. Children live with their parents until they get married. That of course makes kids closer to their parents, and affects how they see their future family as well.

2)There are also different rules of conduct for couples. Married people or people in committed relationships do not go out on “Boys Night Out” or “Girls Night Out” where they can flirt with other people. Men might play soccer with their buddies in the afternoon, women might have a coffee and go shoppping with their female friends but they do not go out at night and leave their partner alone at home. No strip clubs for men in committed relationships either. If your GF finds out you go to these places you can expect a very strong reaction.

3) When it comes to engagement and weddings, Brazilian women are used to do things differently. We do not require you to spend thousands on a diamond ring. We do not have that tradition (see my post about engagement rings). We are happy with a simpler ring or just the wedding band. Some of us though, after living in America and seeing so many De Beers ads, may want a diamond ring after all. We also do not have to wait for a man to propose. These things are decided jointly by the couple. The old fashioned on your knees proposal is not heard off in real life. Americans love the whole creative proposal thing; Brazilians don’t. They decide to get married and communicate it to their families, period.

4) Do not even think of having a dalliance with hookers and strippers just because it is your bachelor’s party. We consider that cheating and don’t be surprised if your fiancé cancels the wedding if she finds out. We do not even have the bachelor party tradition. Very few men celebrate that, while the bride’s friends do get together to get her presents for her new home. Sometimes men participate as well (a tradition that is also starting here).

5) Latin people in general are more emotional and more possessive, keep that in mind when you fight with her. Tears, jealous fits, strong reactions to something you did wrong are all typical of our emotional nature.

6) Women are raised to be feminine, to do girly things (they may have piano and ballet lessons, not play baseball or rough sports, for example). Many are still raised to get married and have children as their first focus and have a career as a secondary pursuit-a necessary evil. However, that pattern is changing with the younger generations, who are now investing more in their careers.

7) Women are encouraged to spend a lot of their time on their looks-body, clothes and hair. Staying attractive is sine qua non in a culture that judges people by how they look.

8) Even though racism is not as pervasive and divisionary as in the U.S.A., lighter skinned Brazilians look down on darker skinned Brazilians. They see darker Brazilians as belonging to the lower social classes. That is typical of countries that were afflicted by the horrible thing that slavery was. Brazil had slavery just like the American South, and one of the consequences of slavery is that it can take several generations for their descendants to reach the same level of success in life that their former owners have. Therefore, Brazilians from African descent became part of the struggling poor in Brazil-they have had a harder time getting education and good jobs. Fortunately, this situation has improved, and Brazilians aren realizing how nefarious racism is.

9) BBrazil still has a subtle-or not so subtle-class system. There isn’t much social interaction between classes (unless the “lower classes” are working for the “higher” ones). Sad but still true. Fortunately, Brazil has made some steps in improving wealth distribution in the last decades.

10) Many middle class Brazilian girls from the middle to upper classes were often raised with maids. Therefore, they are not used to doing housework, which is seen as something beneath them. Working with your hands in Brazil is also associated with the lower economic classes.

11) Brazilian men and women oftentimes do not know how to fix things or are impractical due to cheap labor and being catered to all their lives. Many Brazilians when coming to the US for the first time do not even know how to pump gas-having had gas station servers all their lives. Women particularly, are sometimes not very practical when it comes to daily life and expect you to do all the dirty work for her :)

12) Brazilian women expect the man to be a gentleman. They like a man who opens doors, drives them places, changes their oil, etc. They are not very good when it comes to practical things (they eventually learn after a few years living here), but when it comes to decision making, Brazilian women are opinionated and not shrinking violets. They expect you to respect them and share your decisions with them if part of a couple.

13) Never, under any circumstances, call your GF or wife the B word. Name calling in Brazil is considered extremely offensive, and a man should never call his wife names no matter how terrible the argument is. A wife, like a mother or a daughter, is sacred. American movies show a lot of cursing (the F word seems to be the most popular). Brazilians associate cursing with gangsters and lowlifes.

14) The mother in law thing. Many older women in Brazil are in dire economical situation due to widowhood, divorce, lack of opportunities or low paid jobs. The older generation of women did not usually work outside the home. Therefore, they expect their children to take care of them. Many of these mothers interfere in their childrens’ relationships and try to control their daughters or sons. They are also often lonely and live vicariously through their offspring. They use guilt tactics to keep the children catering to their needs and see the children-in-law as the devil themselves. They take their kids’ side if they have arguments with their spouses and sometimes destroy marriages with their interference.

Not every mother in law is like that: the ones with careers, the ones in happy relationships and the ones with a life of their own. So beware of the dependant MIL! Anyhow, don’t be surprised if your GF/wife tells you that her mother is coming to spend one month with her-and you. Some Brazilian women never grow up and are very dependant on their mothers. Conversely, Brazilian relatives from the upper middle class will stay in hotels-they want privacy and comfort.

15) You and her (or him, in case of an American woman with a Brazilian man) might have differences when it comes to how to use your time. Brazilians consider Sunday sacred. It is not a day to work, but a day to lounge around, go to the beach, have a barbecue by the pool, go to church (for those still brainwashed by religion or just traditional), watch soccer or Formula One races, visit with friends, go sightseeing, nap or watch movies and other leisure actitivities.Saturday is a day to run errands, but not Sundays! It is not only the Catholic influence but also the fact that in their minds, the work week is for work, while the weekend is for pleasure and rest. So if you like to tinker with your car, wash it, rebuild the roof of your house, clean the garage or mow the lawn on a Sunday you will find resistance. She will feel abandoned. In her mind, you should be with her and not ignoring her with “chores”. Not only that, she was raised seeing her Dad pay someone to do those things. The help works, the middle class and the upper middle class rests and plays.

16) Once you marry and have children with a Brazilian, you have to understand some cultural differences when it comes to being a couple. In Brazil, the focus is on the COUPLE. The children come second. You and your wife are the main unit, not you and your kids. Many American men and women turn their focus to the children after they are born, spending little alone time with their spouse. Not spending enough alone time with your spouse, not romancing them and spending too much time on the kids can create resentment. Brazil does not have the “Daddy and Daughter” culture. Children spend time with their parents together, not with only one parent. Telling your kids how much you love them, hugging and kissing them all the time and not doing the same with your spouse can create resentment. Brazilians want the romance to continue, no matter how long you have been married. They want to walk hand in hand, they want some PDA and they want to know they come first.

17) If you have a more logical and scientific mind and do not tolerate religious myths or fundamentalism, be aware that most Brazilian women are still brainwashed by a Catholic upbringing, Spiritism (a new fad that believes in reincarnation) and the new Evangelical churches that have taken hold of the less educated and fortunate. She will want to attend Church on Sundays, pray to god to make things happen and invoke the Daddy in the sky all the time. She may think your disdain for religion makes you a “bad” person. Either you get into the religion bandwagon with her, ignore her delusional religiosity or try to make her see the light. It’s your call :)

18) Hitting a woman in Brazil is seen with even more disgust than in America. There is a famous saying in Brazil: “You don’t hit a woman even with a flower”. Men who hit their wives are seen as total cowards, since normally men are stronger than women. Hitting someone who’s physically weaker than you is cowardice.

19) In the Brazilian culture, saying you love someone is mostly reserved for romantic love. Men and women in relationships say that to each other. Understand that if your Brazilian girlfriend or wife hears you say “I love you” to random friends it will sound strange. Just the other day I heard a married “Dancing with the stars” contestant telling her dance partner “I love you”. Love in America is basically anyone you like. Parents tell their kids “I love you” automatically, just like saying “bye bye”. In Brazil, one can say “I love my mother”, or “I love soccer”, but “I love you” is reserved for romantic love, straight or gay.

20) Because of the strong sense of family in Brazil, Brazilian women do not like marriages with separate finances. She expects both of you to pull your resources together and save, invest and build for the future. Brazilians are big believers in saving money every month. They do not like to have huge debts and bank owned assets. They have the “casa propria” dream, that is, they like want to own the house they live in. Brazilian women do have the bag lady syndrome, and want to feel financally secure for the future. Your American prenup mentality is not going to go down well with her. She considers marriage a partnership, and as such, whether she works or not, she will contribute by taking care of the household and the children. She likes to make financial decisions as a couple. Again, Brazilian women really see marriage is a team effort and partnership. If that’s not your idea of marriage, she will resent it forever.

21) Finally the good stuff: because of the strong sense of family and their natural warmth, Brazilian women are very loyal, family oriented, feminine looking and affectionate companions!

I know many intercultural/international couples, specially Brazilian women with American spouses. From my experience, the ones that have the best chances of surviving are the ones where the American spouse is very much aware of the Brazilian culture. That is, someone who understands and probably has lived, in Brazil. Someone who learned the language and likes foreign cultures. The very typical American with little curiosity about other cultures has a harder time adapting to the Brazilian personality. It also helps if the American side of the couple is open minded about different issues. Liberal Americans do better than Conservative Americans. Americans who have travelled extensively or lived in other countries also do better, as well as very educated Americans.

The same principle applies to the Brazilian side of the couple: if they live in America, it helps when the Brazilian spouse learns to speak English well, is not too emotionally dependant on their mothers/relatives and has some international experience BEFORE marrying an American. A more cosmopolitan Brazilian who doesn’t need to be surrounded by Brazilians all the time, who is not missing their typical Brazilian foods every day and who is able to make friends from different nationalities.

Still, there are exceptions to every rule. Sometimes love does conquer all!

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I really enjoyed your article. It was very informative. I have tried to understand the Brazilian culture and the women because my brother just married a young woman from their. So since she is family your artical helped.

Some of the things you talked about did not sound like some of the Brazilian women who come to America to marry. My brother’s wife’s designs on my mother’s things is kind of disturbing. She has not been shy about saying what she would like to have when my mother dies. A few things she has gotten my brother to ask for now. This did not sound like the unmaterialistic Brazilian women you talked about.

I have a bother and sister who are both dead so my mother has several grand children which includes 4 graddaughters. Mother was put on the spot for what the girl wanted and was able to put her off. We call it “nervey” here. This was very uncomfortable because our family does not focus on other people’s things, dead or alive. Is this common in Brazil?

I have found many sights where American men praise relationships with Brazilizn women. I haven’t found but a very few complaints. I want to be fair and not get into any messy family situation, especially if she is highly emotional and possessive like you mentioned.

My brother is in his 50’s, divorced, emplyeed with a pretty good income and has health problems. The girl is about 30 years younger than he is. I know that is not that unusal in Brazil, and if this is a good relationship this should be fine no matter where you live.

She has been married before, and she was living with a young Brazilian man when she started dating my brother. From what she has said she may have grown up poor. She does not have very nice things to say about her father.

She claims to be a Brazilian dentist or doctor wanting to pactice in the states. I don’t think she can for some reason and is doing something in health care.

I want to to learn as much as possible about the cultural difference, and what to thank you for what you have written. Your artical did make me worry because she did not fit with everything you said. Do your comments just apply to Brazilians who live in Brazil?

I like what you had said about Brazilizn women’s personalities. I have a few friends from Brazil that live here in Florida and think they are great and fun! They are here looking for husbands. They told me that if your divorced it is harder to find a good husband in Brazil. They think my new sister-in-law just found a sweet deal and wished they had met him.

They told me she will take good care of my brother, but she will exspect to be rewarded. But they also said just like what ANYONE else can do, she can have a baby then she won’t need him, child support or social security will give her a nice extra income.

I have not found anything saying Brazilian women have done this to the Americans they marry. If so, I think I know some Americans that have done this to other Americans also. It was only brought up because of the age difference.

I do know that a very few of my Brazilian friends said they would pay $10,000 if an American would marry them. They are in their mid 30’s. So it must be very hard for Brazilian women to find someone they like to marry in Brazil if they are divorced or over 25.

you are in trouble with your sister-in-law. I was married to a brazilian woman for 5 years and I am engaged to another now. I learned a lot from the first one. You have a trouble maker on your hands who will be out of the relationship as soon as her permanent resident card kicks in. Trust me on this. I speak portugese fluently and know women from all over the country, from Rio, to Sao Paulo to Brasilia and Recife and Bahia. Your cunheada, sister-in-law is trouble.
Good luck.

Better her than he find a 20 years old American girl that only talk about celebrities, buying it and that. Have a fake beauty, to get tan, better lips, face, boobs, butt. And yes, we are confident, smart, know how to have fun, and have no fake beauty! We rock!

iVANA
Such hostilty from a girl who projects such confidence.
Fake confidence!
Better take some inventory. Brasil is the 2nd most plastic country based on number comparisons alone, verses more accurate percentages. If you account for Brasil’s population being half of ours and the economic constraints…brasilerias will go to any depths to one up the other physically.

No fake beauty? I can name at least 3 of my friends who have had their breast augmented. And we Brazilians are proud and tell everyone when we do it. :-D

Comment by Rita |
January 26, 2011

I am dealing with an issue that I have started to prepare for the worse. I married this brazilian women after dating her for 3 years in brazil. she is from the North part which is considered the poor part of brazil. After she entered the USA in 2008, our marrriage began to get difficult. There are so many incidents that I now look back and say why the hell did I spend my time with showing this women I love her. Whats freaky now, she can be an angel so nice one day,then the next evil at its best. Here I cant believe Im dealing with this. She appeared so inocent; religious, loved helping the kids at church in brasil while i was dating and visting. She doesnt have a clue how to love a man. Her focus is cleaning houses, and sending money to brasil for her 11 yr old son. Her attitude is my money my money..She claims she is sending her son 300 us dollars to brasil a month. Im telling myself your son whom lives w your mother and step father doesnt spend 300 US a month. I know she is paying for her mothers small bills and whatever else. Im tired of the profanity, the slang..Her daily routine, now that we are living with my parents for a few months is this, she comes home, takes a shower, go to the computer. We may go to dinner or she may want to go shopping for food. She is careless with her money being that I know she really never made much money in brasil. While she sleeps, she is so irritable even if a light flashes in our bedroom. She is addicted to some brasilian site named cabuloso(SP)Its a site where they show people being killed, dead corps,things of this nature..Its crazy, because its like I have another child to care for. This was not the person i met in Brasil. The good Brasilians that have tried to help her get close with god, she doesnt talk w them anymore. Its like she keeps a brasilian friend for a moment, than u never here her talk about this person again. She has no respect for our marriage nor does she really show affection like I read that brasilian women have. Whats interesting God is displaying his control over our marriage. She has things that she has been caught lying about. She had her business associate seperate from her.Now she is feeling the heat because of all the emotional rides she has put me thru, she is scared and thinks that Im moving on. I have gotten to the point of thinking about reporting our marriage to be fradulent to deploy her back to Brazil. I know that Brazilian people are nice,laid back and care about family. However what I have been thru with this women will damping my thoughts about ever dating a brazilian women again thats physically in that country. Its different no matter what people say. I litterally have experienced things that I never thought I would experience. Thank god for my faith,patience and my family. Its been Hell..I believe people can change and I will not give up on her however I will not go thru another year in HELL..I refuse..

Ivv, I don’t believe in god and I have left the brainwashing of Catholicism many years ago. So this sentence “God is displaying his control over our marriage” is absolutely insane to me. You and her are responsible for your marriage, not some imaginary man in the sky!
Here is what is happening in your marriage:
Your wife, like many other Brazilians, has not adapted to the United States. Her link is too strong with Brazil (her mother, her son). She is looking at this as a temporary situation. If you read the David Goldman story (www.BringSeanHome.org) you will see how difficult it is for some women to adapt to America. Specially someone less educated from the Northeast.

Read Steve’s story below. He is going through the same ordeal with his wife. Maybe your wife has some emotional or mood disorder (bipolar for example) but it just seems to me that the dream of marrying a foreigner and coming to the land of milk and honey did not pan out as well as she thought. Is she dark skinned? She may have noticed she is discriminated against by white Americans. She may find difficulting in communicating too if people don’t understand her English well. Basically she is not adapting to the country and now resents you, but knows she needs you here to survive. She treats the money as her money because she probably feels ths needs to protect herself in case she goes back.
How old is the son? Why is he there and not living with the two of you?
I am sorry Ivv, but sometimes religious ignorance really just sets people backwards. The Church people may not be the most qualified people to help your marriage.
Have you tried marriage counseling? There are some county programs that are more affordable.

If you have tried everything, maybe divorce is the answer. It is not ok to live in misery. And the fact you two do not have children makes it all easier. Good luck.

Comment by Brasilmagic |
March 2, 2010

Iw,

You are completely screwed! Ha! How’s that for an opening line? Just kidding.

Let me ask you something…why did you come here? Did you come here to vent? for answers? to share? to warn? What?

So I’m going to assume you came here for answers/advice.

My advice is that you get out of the marriage. This is based on my own experiences which I came to this blog looking for answers on my wifes unbending bizarre behavior. Which I thought was a cultural difference. For the most part, I still think it is a cultural difference.

I believe that in the center of my wifes heart is an almost primal need of self-protection which means that she will never acknowledge and certainly never apologize, from the heart, from the insanity that she puts you through. For some reason, in her mind it just doesn’t even exist. Compassion, empathy, sincerity, and yes, love, do not define my wife at her core. What defines her core is this unbelievable need of self-protection. Survival. Again, I welcome you to read my story below and see the parallels.

The difference is that my wife is actually very sophisticated, educated, and worldy. But yet, at the core of issues, your wife and mine are about the same. Having no problems lying about things and not giving any value to efforts being made. And making unbelievable demands.

So I say this: if you think you are going to change her, you aren’t. Not from what I have experienced over the last 9 years. And again, my wife has a lot of education behind her. So you would think it would be easier to get through to her. But it hasn’t.

You are only three years into this marriage. You have no kids with her. What you had before the marriage is yours and what she had before the marriage is hers. Everything else is split down the middle for what you accumulated during the marriage. It’s going to not be as bad as you think. Cut and run my friend. And do it now before kids come into the picture. Once the kids come in, dude, it’s all over. Now you are talking about being connected forever.

I want to stress….if you are staying because you think you are going to change her, forget it. YOu’re not. So keep that in mind.

Many brasilians come to the USA, at least in the Miami area, and open their own house cleaning business. And all of them send money back to their families in brasil. And I fully expect my wife….whether we are married or not, to do the same when she starts working. This is very typical. So she could easily be sending 300 back per month to her family. And probably is sending more! They can make a lot of money cleaning houses. Usually they clean 2 houses a day if they are about 3000sq ft homes. They charge about $150 for the cleaning. And do it 5, 6 and even sometimes 7 days a week. So do the math. She could easily be sending more than 300/week home. And that is a lot of money in the NE of Brasil!

The voyeuristic behavior is both alarming and strange. That is a huge red flag.

Above all, DO NOT get this girl pregnant. You are in for a world of misery if you do.

So if you didn’t come here looking for answers and opinions, then this reply is off the mark. Take it for what it is and try not to be offended.

You are not going to change her.

Let me ask you something else. Why did you marry her to begin with? Because she was close with God while you spent time with her in Brasil? Or because she gave the appearance of being close with God while screwing your lights out in the bedroom which is totally mesmorizing. So you thought you were getting the best of both worlds? Just curious is all. Because her resulting behavior when coming to the USA took you SO COMPLETELY by suprise…..when you unravel time and look back, what was it about her that tricked you so bad?

Hope you are not offended by this last paragraph. There is just something missing from this whole story and I was interested in hearing what you had to say in response if you are willing to share!

Poor man. Bless your heart. Keep up the faith. You both are undergoing culture shock. DO FIND a godly marriage counselor. After being here for only 3 months, my marriage was falling apart right before my eyes due to our differences. But, believe me, we have been married for 8 years now. The Lord Jesus Christ was my helper.

Comment by Dogsbody |
December 21, 2010

Ya , its not easy cultural issues really matters when the carnal desiree goes away , the reality of the routine is really not easy.. in Brasil some guys are really not nice for a woman or the kids , in Brasil the woman is the support , they take of the kids , they work they are great! but not all of them ,but i guess everywhere in the whole world there are good and bad people … and to go to another country to work for money to support a child who lives far away its really painful! im a brazilian married a german and we have our diferences , cultural issues, but we love each other so much , we we fought a lot at the beggining, but now we are more united, we are stronger togheter we have a beautiful son, its been eight years togheter and our bond is the most valuable thing we have, we will grown old togheter i’m pretty sure! despite sometimes we fight and i wanna desapear, but i know it happens with every couple! but for us the love we share is something really rich i know he feels the same ! We will be togheter and this is a really love story and i know theres no man better for me than him! and no better father for my son! the love must be real love is notjust fisical atraction, doesnt matter where u came from india, brasil, japan, america, and for sure money doesnt matter when love is true love!

I have the same problem, and from what I can see, this is not that uncommon. Mine is also from the northern part, near PARA.
The problem isnt upbringing, the problem is BIPOLAR DISORDER. Look into it, compare symptoms, you’ll see.
Also, if she used to be a party girl, you have more issues to come. Get councelling, or get out

Comment by bill |
April 21, 2011

Bill, you might be onto something. There are a lot of unreported and undiagnosed mental health issues. And we don’t if there are certain disorders that might be more prevalent in a certain ethnic group (let’s say, descendants of Iberians-Portuguese and Spanish people), or Native Brazilian, or a mix of the races that made up Brazil. And that can be true for other countries too (as an example, Asians are less tolerant to alcohol and lactose). I have never seen a study about mental health issues and race/ethnicity.

Comment by Brasilmagic |
April 21, 2011

well, i think it has nothing to do with God, if it had, she would be a good wife, taking care of u. She will never stop sending money to her family cuz she affords them. U should get divorced, she just wants money. Mnay brazilian women do that, its not only with foreigners, they marry and make their husbands pay almost all her families´ debts.

Comment by sara |
May 16, 2011

Hi, Iw!

Man I feel so sorry to hear that!
I’m Brazilian and I’m engaged to an American man! We’re living together for 2 years and so far so good!
There are so many different kind of women in Brazil. The ones that live in the poor areas are more difficult to deal with, to live with. They come to the US to make money and send to their families and that’s all!

Here, I’m studying for my Master’s Degree…I’m totally financially independent! I pay my own bills and share the house bill with my fiance! We have fun together,and we also go out with our friends! Boys and Girls night out doesn’t mean cheating to us. It’s just a nice time to have fun, get some beers and have some boy/girl talk! I totally trust him and he trusts me too!

Our relationship is also based on the respect we have for each other. At the beginning, it was difficult for me, because coming from Brazil, I’m used to walk around holding hands, kissing and demonstrating public affection…and couples here don’t do this very often…but we are going over our cultural differences without harsh discussions….it’s all about dialog and comprehension.

I don’t know about this program on TV that you said she likes to watch, never heard of that! It’s awful! Here, we watch TV together, after dinner, drinking some wine or beers…we talk about our days…we have fun cooking, since I’m learning, cuz I grow up in a house with 3 maids serving us, so I basically had to learn to do everything when I came here! But I have fun learning!

I think your problem is not due to the nationality…it’s more a personality problem. Your wife (sorry to say that) make us, honest well raised Brazilian embarrassed!

God bless you family for supporting you and may God lead you to find a good woman!

Good lucky!

Best regards,

RR.

Comment by RR |
July 28, 2011

I’m sorry you had to go through all that..I am Brazilian and this woman is definitely not represent us nice, caring, intelligent and outgoing Brazilian women..and do you want to know why she acts like that? Will give you a hint: Social Status! Independent and well-educated Brazilian women ( when I say women I mean REAL women) will never marry an American guy just to be an American citizen and have the good life, they can have the good life in Brazil! If they do marry it’s because they are desperately in love..I say desperately because to me and taking in consideration my experience with American men it is really hard to overcome the cultural difference when it comes to love and dating. I’ve been living in the US for 4 years, didn’t get married and my longest date is the guy I’m seeing right now for 4 months. Brazilian women are used to caring, loving man, a man that gives her attention and shows her that he loves her! With all the respect, don’t take it personally, I know people are different and I am not generalizing, but the view I have of American man according to my experiences is that they are cold, selfish and unable to show feelings! I will definitely not marry an American man cause I just can’t adapt to this part of the culture, will finish studies and go back home! Your wife didn’t (doesn’t) care about all that love, attention, respect, etc..all she cares is about the money and is focusing in getting a good life for herself and her son, typical of low class Brazilian women! You should definitely divorce while you can. There’s a lot of nice women out there!
You see, foreign men have this illusion with Brazilian women, we are no different than any women in the world.
Good luck for you!!

Comment by Ketrin Luana |
February 11, 2012

I know this is an old post and probably you will not read this, but will leave my comment anyway.
Not all women are like, Brazilian, American or any other race. Is a case by case situation. Some things are real, like extended families. Is not that we want our extended families with us for long period of time, but boy, the guilty trip we have to handle when we say one month is a lot you would not believe. I go to a lot of stress when a family member says they are coming visit us. My mind is always, God, how long will he/she or they be here. I am here in NYC for 25 years. I wanted to live here and raise a family here. I do send money to my family monthly and I also have invested money in real estate in brazil. I make good money and sending money for my parents that are now in their late 70’s was discussed before i got married.
We do have a son and my son is priority but having time for my husband is a major responsibility. No, strip clubs is not allowed, neither is night out with the girls for me.
We hang out on a sunday afternoon. Not because my husband wouldn’t let me, but because is the best time for me to meet my friends. Another thing that i common for brazilians is that is OK for a married brazilian woman to have single guys as friends. Any one that was a friend before marriage, continues to be friends after marriage. We don’t dump out single male friends just because we got married.
Culture differences do exist, but we learn to adapt to some, as much as an american man learns to adapt to some of our differences.
We are not all dependent of our mothers, at least I am not. I left home when I was 23 and came up here to live with an american family in LI. I took care of their children and their home and at night I went to a local college.
Most brazilian women wants an education. The ones that don’t they will not get one here nor in Brazil either.
Your situation is said and if the marriage is not working, you need to either have a talk with your wife and set the rules down, or you need to move on.
If she married you she needs to commit to your marriage.
yes, i do have cousins that gets annoyed when someone turns the light on when they are asleep and so on. Well, too bad, she needs to get a real job and you guys need your own home. Leaving with your family is not acceptable for a marriage couple.
I hope things changed and you are happy.

Comment by Eliana |
May 6, 2012

So what happened ? Is the guy still married? As one who has been “brainwashed” (by choice!!!!) by Jesus Christ, NOT religion, because “religion” will mess you up, I found that divorce is just as bad in the Christian Church (I’m Protestant not R/Catholic) as it is in society as a whole! Why get married anymore to any woman, anyway? Marriages just don’t last. You are hurt, any children are hurt,…etc., I was going to say that I had been thinking of going to S. America in search of a bride. (I am 53 and been divorced for over 20 years!) But when I read sites like this one; And understand the pitfalls of practically EVERY marriage in the country, today. I say “why” ? Just stay single!

Staying single is not fun either Michael. It’s nice to have someone who will be your support, especially as you age. The trick is to choose wisely.

Comment by Brasilmagic |
January 27, 2013

Thanks for the dat and heads up I met serveal brazilian women and to me they are all crazy they know you for ten minites and say i love you then when you dont reply the same they say they will kill you they will ahev you arrested , one i met i had to convince her Iama crazy man wityh no money to try and get rid of here after reading all this stuff I want no part of a brasilian woman no way at all they are sick and crazy women. a night mare for any man who values his sainity I iwas you I woudl reprot her for fraudulent marraige intent if not one day you might find yorus elf in front of a judge paying her for the rest of you life .

Comment by gratful man |
March 31, 2013

Yep , im brazilian and as far as i could see , this sister-in- law is trouble .

This woman seems like she married your brother for financial security, or why else would she want such an older man?

There are Brazilians and Brazilians. The less educated women and those from the lower income classes are probably more “desperate”. But many women from middle class families have strong values and would not be in this situation.

Her asking your mother for her things is really innapropriate. That is NOT common practice in Brazil, that seems like GREED.

As for her being a dentist or a doctor, I somehow doubt it. Can you check her references in Brazil?

In Brazil we call such women “oportunistas”. They are opportunity seekers.

It is not so hard to find a husband in Brazil after 35 or even 55 if you attractive and intelligent and have an interesting life. There are many self sufficient women in Brazil, but unfortunately there are also women from broken families and with low education who try to latch on to any man who will support them.

Yes it is hard for a poor young woman without a lot of financial assets to get a “tourist visa” to the USA. While doing nothing about the influx of illegal aliens already in this country, the United States Government makes it VERY hard for honest people to immigrate here legally. The State Department’s attitude seems to be that every young woman who wants a marriage/finace/tourist visa into the U.S. must be a prostitute or sex worker–which is a very insulting (and untrue) assumption to make. I am an Iraq war vet, but after living abroad and seeing how arrogantly the American Government treats foreigners, I have come to really despise and resent aspects of my own government. The U.S. Government really does have an impirialist attitude overseas. I guess it proves that might makes right. Hopefully the US Dollar will crash soon. Because if that happens, then American government workers’ paychecks won’t be enough to live on. So they will have to take bribes or else starve. Then you will be able to bribe US Government bureaucrats just as easily as you can bribe those in less developed countries. Swiss bankers won’t be coerced by the IRS anymore. Problem solved :)

What kind of bullshit propoganda is this? “Hopefully the US Dollar will crash soon. Because if that happens, then American government workers’ paychecks won’t be enough to live on. So they will have to take bribes or else starve. Then you will be able to bribe US Government bureaucrats just as easily as you can bribe those in less developed countries.”
You ought to be shot in your ass bitch!

Comment by Bobby |
December 13, 2012

I agree Bobby. Ridiculous statement.

Comment by Brasilmagic |
December 17, 2012

you hope the US DOLLAR CRASHES SOON?/ I hope you end up in the street go live in Iraq then you flatulent asshole

Comment by gratful man |
March 31, 2013

I have read your information and I would like more information if possible.

My brother has advised me that he is getting married in three weeks to a woman in Brazil. He met her on a latin cupid website in March. He went to visit her in July and is now planning to marry her in Brazil in September.

They have only met face to face once. His divorce was final one week ago. I am afraid that they are rushing things. I asked why she is not comming to visit prior to the wedding and he said it is too difficult for her to get a Visa for the USA, even for a short vacation. Is this true? He said that the only way for her to come here is for him to go there and marry her and bring her back. How long does it take to get a visa?

I need to know more. I have not met her and it seems I will not until after the wedding. She might be the greatest thing that ever happened to him, or this could be a terrible mistake.

Do Brazilian women marry quickly? She seems too eager to move away from Brazil and her whole family.

What other things can you tell me since I will be the sister-in-law of a Brazilian. What wedding customs are different?

He is Baptist and she is Catholic. He doesn’t think it will be a problem and that she will gladly attend his church. What is the custom in Brazil. Some countries by custom the woman gets to choose the family religion, especially children they have together, what religion will she expect them to be, hers or his?

Brazlian are very good wives, who definately value family and their roles as mothers. Many Brazilian come to the USA for financial security and stable either through marriage or work. Yes, Brazilian women are opinionated and are not shrinking violets. They expect you to respect them and share your decisions. But do know that they do believe that having babies as the first focus and their career as a secondary pursuit-a necessary evil, so you are looking for a housewife, it works if you find the right woman.

If you know someone who has a long distance relationship with a woman in Brazil and she can not come to the USA, try to spend some time together elsewhere Europe or the caribbean, marry for a visa will cause serious problems!!!

You cant just go to a country and meet 10 people and say what all womens are in that country. I am american, i lived in Brazil, Rio de Janeiro and there is a poor part but there is also rich even millionairs, just like america. All im saying is that if you judge a country by one or two people its not fair. If we all were like that then people would say america is a place where fat people live, and that they have beer all the time and everything. So if i were you i would only judge brazilians if I were one or if I lived there for years!

You are totally right i just got married to a brazilian women she is fun really hot! But she is my best friend i could not live without her!

Comment by Mark |
July 4, 2014

do brazilian women marry muslim american men?are brazilian women good mothers?are they clement and warm hearted or cold DIVAS?i have seen some brazilian freinds of mine in my early teenage yrs be super flirtatiouis???????.thanks!

Khiale, not every Brazilian woman is the same! Some might be warm hearted and some might be cold divas! I can tell you is that generally Brazilian women value family, motherhood, marriage and friends. As for your being Muslim, I have to admit we don’t have many muslims in Brazil, a heavily Catholic majority country. If you meet someone you like, talk to her about it!

I met a Brazilian woman on the internet, who lives fairly close to me. We have been on two dates, which have each ended well. Also, we seem to have commanalities, and I would like to get to know her better. She is going through a divorce, which is not final yet, from a man she met in Rio. I know she is struggling with some issues from the divorce, and I really want to be there for her, and help her any way I can. I just don’t know how, for lack of a better word, “pushy” I should be. She speaks broken English, so there is a little bit of a language barrier, and I don’t want to offend her, because of a cultural barrier. We went to a movie last night, and I kept looking over at her, and she seemed so distant, and I feel she is worrying about what is going to happen in divorce, in addition to a couple other problems she is currently dealing with. I would like some advice on how to proceed, and just how I can help her.

Steve, even though she is Brazilian, I cannot read her mind. She may be distant because she is shy, or scared of being hurt again, still in love with her ex or simply she may just not be into you!
As you get to know her, talk to her and let her open up about her feelings. If it is meant to be, it will last! Good luck.

Well my name is Emanuela I m 21 years old, I m not looking for marriage hahaha, but I found the article very interesting. I m from Northeast of Brazil, Salvador Bahia, I m black I used to date an american guy for 2.5 years but I wasnt looking for visa so we cant generalize, I ll go to US in July, I m not looking for a husband and not even get a permanente visa. You guys take care with your choice, sometime I learned you know more the person you re dating when you travel with her/him so thats what I think. If you guys want to keep in touch and asking questions Im here to help. My email is emanuelarosa@hotmail.com.

Emanuela,
Low class is merely a state of mind. I have witnessed many supposed low class people do some of the most classy things. Do not sell yourself short. If you think classy and act classy then you are classy. I also know many, very rich people with absolutely no class. Again class is not about money it’s about being a good person.

Other thing religion has a different concept here…I m officially catholic but of course because u re you cant try others.
Well this girl are making future plans with your mothers money or whatever it is, you brother should figure it out if she is trustable or not. We cant judge people. Is he happy with her? And is he feeling thaat she is happy with the marriage?
I m very upset, seeing people say that people from low class want to marry for money! This is ridiculous! I m one of them and I dont wanna do it! I think marry is something serious…I wanna have kids, a beautiful family, build something with my husband, bethe best friend, the lover …the one he knows that doesnt matter what it ll happen I ll be there.

Shuane, the best way to meet Brazilian women is to make some Brazilian friends and let them introduce you to their friends. There are many many Brazilians in most major American cities. You can also go to Brazilian events, parties and churches (ha ha, tha advice coming from an atheist is funny) to meet them.

As for online dating in Brazil (I think Match.com has an international version), I would be more weary. In that case, the women might want just a free ride to America, or a green card, very much like the Russian mail brides.

Finally, race can and will be a problem if you are trying to date a white middle class Brazilian. They will prefer a white American, or a Hispanic or a Middle Eastern man to an African American or an Asian American. But since there are many Brazilians of Indian and African descent, and many mutts, they probably prefer a man of color. It’s hard to say, as people have different preferences when it comes to skin color, body type, etc. Thank god for that (the atheist is again talking:)) so we all can find love!

I agree with this. In fact, the best way to date Brazilian women is to make friends with people, attend parties, barbecues, go to church, and participate in events where you are seen, with your Brazilian friends. And let the women show up from within those circle. These will be people with background introduced by your friends, related to your friends, and even ifyou meet her out of that circle, if she is only interested in the status of dating and marrying a Gringo, and of course, in your money, your friends will expose her for who she is, and you wont even hear it from them, you will just notice that she will be treated differently, sort of excluded.

Comment by verlow |
May 31, 2010

Yes Sir,

Brazilmagic I have to say this site is refreshing. But what isn’t so relieving is your view of what you percieve as lower classes. Sir or madam; wake up. Having a Ph.D doesn’t necessarily make you smart. In my book it makes you lets just say, a better consumer:) The global community is made up of all kinds of people and once you see them through the lense of love then the class thing disappears. You are smart I give you that but cultivate your soul. People have a lot more to offer than looking at them through the lense of who has and who doesn’t!

Mike G., you have to admit that having a PhD takes a lot of work and studying…and even though it does not give you streeet smarts it does make you knowledgable in your field of study. And yes, it does require a certain level of IQ (do clynical pyschologists consider IQ anymore?) .And no, I am not putting down people without PhD’s…I don’t have one myself…

Comment by Brasilmagic |
September 21, 2009

First is that dont make sense: your brother is 50 and she is 30 years less??? So she is 20 but was married before and had kids? Not possible… she is probably older.

And I want to also say that your brother wasn’t lucky but cause Brazilians in general are like this. i used to live in USA for my studies and none girls in the world are more bicthes and only interested by money than american girls, is really ridiculous, and they all have nothing inside of their mind but make up, Hollywood, tied clothes, get drunk and silicon. Have a fake beauty, to get tan, better lips, face, boobs, butt… hauah almost funny.

Now talking about family, social life in Brazil has no how to compare with US, and we enjoy life before getting marriage and have our kids just after bachelor grad. Starting to the middle class, studies in brazil are most important. (talking about mine generation, 80’s and after)

Most part of my generation yes had some ‘trouble” with father, but cause more them in other country be a single mother is natural and we all deal with that really well, making us stronger and with attitude.

To finish, none in the world are more interested in money than Americans, so… let your brother be happy and spend his money with himself and his brazilin girl …. If he can.. and you don’t be worried of not having extra cars, tvs, extra, extra, extra. Yes, maybe she wants his money. But would u marry a guy who couldn’t give you a nice and comfortable life?

Better her than he find a 20 years old American girl that only talk about celebrities, buying it and that. Have a fake beauty, to get tan, better lips, face, boobs, butt. And yes, we are confident, smart, know how to have fun, and have no fake beauty! We rock!

I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt…that your formulations are stemming from genuine preceptions and not pitiful jealousies.
My brasilian brother-in-laws have prejudces about difficulties procuring brasilian women while having pockets that are shallow and not deep….and how suprisingly few demands american women have of their love interests. I don’t know what college you studied at, but you have prabobly found that it was not difficult for the shallow age ranges of 18-early 20s to obtain a degree. If you are basing all of your crude generalizations from this time alone, you are need of more advancement.

You can probably find work there: Brazilians are not hard up for cash right now. The economy tanked a little with the global recession but is now improving. And with your wife’s help, you should make contacts and adapt easier.

I also married a Brazilian. I do find Brazilians very materialistic and impractical in terms of American life (perhaps moreso when they are involved in a relationship with an American). My fiance started asking that my parents buy us a new car, pay for appliances and many other things (months into the relationship). Also, I would lose small things of value constantly which was not in keeping with my personality. I was slow to catch on that my things were being stolen; I am much more guarded now.

My mother in law was a nightmare. She lied constantly, backstabbed me CONSTANTLY and tried to take small things from our home (like a gold family rosary). When our first child was born and she was visiting she pretended that her jewlery had been stolen to try to break apart the relationship and I was later told, to try to gain some cash. She was counting on me offering to pay her for the lost/stolen jewlery that had been in our care prior to giving it back to her. (She claimed that I had never returned it).

The relationship is civil now but I cannot let down my guard with her for even a second or she is taking advantage of something. This “malandragem” is valued in some sub-cultures especially in competitive suburban areas.

Brazilians who love you are warm generous and sincere. The woman who responded that woman of a middle class background don’t care about rings etc is putting on a big front. Not all Brazilian women are materialistic but many are very dependent and are very concerned with appearances, so the demands for things will come (just give it time). American women are mostly the same so it is a question of flavor. Most women are still raised to believe that they will be provided for… Also, by her Brazilian family you will be expected to cater to your partner’s every whim, when you do not, you will likely be replaceable in their eyes. Also, they are great actors and maintain a facade for a long time, in reality it takes a LONG time to break into the inner circle of a group especially a family. Be aware that you will be seen as a mark for gain (financial or otherwise) by those people in your partners circle and this situation is not likely to be changed any time soon.

wood amazed to hear your experience, it sound just like what happened to me, I had a brazilian girlfriend and my stuff was going constantly missing, money in my wallet never added unto to my expenses, got to the stage that i had to count it ever night, and still 100$ at a time would go missing, then we broke up, and she stole $1500 from me, I though afterwards do I just have bad luck with brazilians because I had friends do this sort of stuff before, but now I am have much more experience and have begun to have a 6th sense for theses types of people in brazil, it just that as gringos we don’t have this from a young age like brazilians do, so we end up being victims more often. now I am just glad i never got her pregnant, that you be hell, so get out while you can like i did if you find yourself in this type of situation

Greg, seems like you met a cleptomaniac. There are sick and dishonest people in every race and culture. Additionally, she may have been deprived of things when growing up, who knows. Remember folks, there are all kinds of people in a country of more than 180 million people.

Comment by Brasilmagic |
March 7, 2012

I was showing one of my South American friends this sight and how much I appreciated it. It has been a while and was taken back by all the responses. I want to thank everyone who commented.

The situation with my brother is getting worst. It is very sad all the hurt this marriage is causing. If my brother and his wife would just keep their life to themselves no one would care, nor would it really be anyone’s business. I really do not know what another person is thinking, but so far everything I have predicted about what this Brazilian girl will do she has done. And I still think it is suspicious, heartbreaking, and not worth trusting.

I agree you can not generalize, rich, poor, educated or not. But once you come to the States and pursue a marriage with all these conditions, this is what make me think it is a “dirty agenda” and makes me sick. But, I am most worried about my brother.

One comment I read said the age difference did not make sense. My brother was 57 when they married, and she is 28. That gives her plenty of time to do a lot of things. Here and back in Brazil.

It really doesn’t matter what country she comes from, or even if she came from the States. Some of the girl’s stories just don’t sound true. What makes it so sad and suspicious is the fact that when you can not “trace” the history of a person or prove or disprove her stories that you better be prepared for the worst and she should expect the lack of trust.

It is ESPECIALLY if they are from a another country and a country that has somewhat of an unfortunate reputation, deserved or not, for using rich gringos as a pawn.

I say “keep your game to yourself!” I would never judge another human being’s attempt at trying to survive. But doing it at the cost of others disgust me!

In do have several South American friends and they are good, kind, and people of substance. These are universal characteristics. They are hard working mother’s and single women who are here to improve themselves and their lives, BUT not at the expense of other people’s well being!

Sylvia, the age difference is too great. I can imagine how you are worried this girl is after your brother’s “security”.

And yes, people who come from other countries can build a whole new “persona” in the new country, sometimes exagerating their accomplishments or hiding some embarrassing facts-it’s harder to check, especially things that happened pre-internet times.

I don’t want to give men the impression that many Brazilian women who marry Americans are only out for financial security. It’s the same as saying these men marry these women only for their bodies/pretty faces. If so, both are to blame.

Ok, Had to post my brasiliana story. She grew up poor in Natal. She’s not that dark and not that light skinned either. She came to the US IIRC 10 years ago. She married for her papers and then dipped on the guy even though they ended up having a daughter together.

She married again and despite everyones warnings cause the guy seemed like a gold digger. She was doing alright at the time but over estimated his fortune. It put her into a seriously financial hardship .. I mean she married the guy 3 months after meeting him without knowing his full story.
They fought .. he hit her .. she left again.

btw she was already married once in brazil, had a kid with a previous guy ..

so now .. 3 kids .. 3 divorces.

Now enter me.

At this point she’s got a small apartment with 3 kids and only her 40k a year to manage it all.
She has this motto about men being like cookies. Some crap about taking a bite and if you dont like it just toss it out and then I let it slip how much more than her I make .. ya I was in there without swimwear.

Her credit score at this point, a measly 510.
Her child support from the guy she married for her papers. 325 a month.

So I start helping her out. I buy things for her. I pay her car insurance. Hell as a gift I gave her $200 for no reason but just to say “I love you”.
So now with all this extra money coming in she gets an idea. She thinks her child support is a little low. So she gets a lawyer and finds out the guy should be paying more!
Ok, Get it done my little brazilian I say.
Don’t worry about the electric bill and the phone bill and your car insurance, I got that. Lawyer paid off .. double the child support.

The apartment is a little small and the one she wants is 400 more. My american lover, if you move in with me and pay half I would love that.
So we move in together and now she’s got a nice new large apartment for her kids, has twice the child support money and only paying half of what she used to!!!!

Well, she hasn’t been back to natal in 8 years to see Mai (mom) so I said .. figure it out! I’ll pitch in some extra money too!

Sure enough .. In just 1 year with me she got more money, able to save money and finally got to go see her mom!

PS. Credit score today.. 630.

I think as far as all of her men go, I’m the best!.
Where all of them couldn’t put up with her crap, I have and unconditionally loved her and helped her fix up her life after her mistake of third marriage.

I’m not without my faults too. I have 2 daughters from a previous relationship. Me and Brasiliana have been together at this point for 1 1/2 years. It’s summertime and its my time with my girls.

Brasiliana works only on weekends now too btw. Only has $1000 in bills and is off ALL week long to do whatever she wants!.

So now after 1 1/2 years of being the rock for her, I need a favor from her. I need her to watch my kids during the summer while I work since I still work mon-fri.

I get the shaft! We broke up! She didn’t want the responsibility. No .. her mantra during our arguement was “They’re not my responsibility”.

Thats the thanks I get for being such a great guy.

Her friends are no joy either. Her best friend is sister of brazilian husband (husband #1) and she’s a loud and bossy and obnoxious upper class brasiliana. Thinks too much stuff is beneath her. The other is a 6 foot 3 inches tall Brazilian born jew and thinks she deserves a 6’5 millionaire hunk so no man is good enough for her even though she’s not that pretty.

But just as the original article poster said though.. Brasiliana are opinionated. VERY opinionated and don’t really come with a listening ear. If you tell a Brasiliana your problem, don’t expect them to just listen. Expect to hear how they would handle your situation.

Don’t know about her loyalty either. I dunno cause she was always afraid of me cheating. I live by the saying “if you’re gonna accuse, means you got something to hide”.

But despite it all, I’d probably be willing to give a brasiliana a try again. When she loved me, When she kissed me .. When she hugged me. It was on another level. None of my american lovers compared to her.

I think as long as you dont rely on a brasiliana except for love and companionship, you’ll be alright. Keep them out of your business though!

EXACTLY MY FRIEND….as long as you use then for sex… they are great…In Portugal we use brasilian womans for sex because we all know they are all scam artists…we listen their shit, tell then they are great all the time, but for ourselfs we just dont give a shit and dont respect that kind of woman… they are latin americans, poor non educated people, most live in favelas …90% of brasilians are like that and the other 10% are european descendents who think they are europeans but when they arrive in europe they act suspecious most of the time adn end up beahve like a normal brasilian…CONCLUSION:. use brasilians womand for sex only… appart from that dump then and do not help then cause their culture its just not worth it….even when they say they love you…THEY LIE :)…play their game…tell then you also love then :) and fuck then…then move to another one.

Jay, there seems to be a lack of communication and trust in your relationship with her. I agree that she acted selfishly by not agreeing to help you with the kids, and she seemed to want to take take take and not give back. A little bit of a princess syndrome? Did you hear about the David Goldman case? Check out http://www.BringSeanHome.org and see for yourself. Bruna was the ultimate princess. She left her prince when she found out life was not going to be the all around glamour she thought.
However, that last sentence is a bit harsh. It seems that you only want her for the physical aspect. What about friendship and trust? By saying “keep them out of your business” it does not show a relationship with friendship, partnership and trust, but merely a physical one. Do you really want to live with someone with whom you feel that way?

I dont know why you guys r looking for wife online…come here and have your own experience and have your own opinion about us..make as many friends as you can and if something happen between you and woman/man…let it flow.
Again I ll repeat…this people know nothing about Brazil. I went to USA in July, I met lot of americans and honestly they are crazy! Everytime I said I m from Brazil they tried to touch me or have something or said in my face I wanna have sex with you! I dont understand american society but whatever…I understand why they do it…cause they have this fantasy that brazilians are good in bed, exotic, sensual…at the same time some americans think we brazilians low class are trying to take advantage, me Emanuela, BRAZILIAN, thinks that americans wanna take advantage of brazilians (sexually).
Very disappointed with USA.emanuelarosa@hotmail.com

Emanuelarosa, Depends where in the US you go.
Problem here in Florida is, Most Brasiliana actually come here to be escorts.
Visit miami craigslist and go to adult and type brazilian or brasilian, atleast 25% of escorts are from brazil.

Also I did try the women seeking men to talk to a few Brasiliana from there. I get this back.

“Thank you for contacting me, I’m so glad you like my ad. Look I’m new here from Sao Paulo and I’m lonely, Will you join me on my cam? All you have to do is visit mycamsite and sign up and then give it my username which is babyofbrasil. Thanks!”

So you can thank a few bad apples for getting the rest of you the stereotype.

Me, I’m respectful. I prefer to wine and dine. I can’t make love unless there are feelings there.

Jay…ok 25% of brazilian girls in Florida are escorts, how many italians and russians are escorts in the US? So only brazilians are the durtiest? What about many many american young girls working in strip clubs or call girls to pay university? Make them bad? What’s the problem?
Well you are saying this cause even if I m not escort, guys will always be disrespectful with me just cause I born Brazilian, thats my experience there. If she is rusky or italian, or american, you ll never say bad things – maybe u had a bad experience with one, but ruskys or italians are never conected to the sexuality as the brazilians. Americans haha not even close.
Be a brazilian and admit that you are, it’s like a kid naked in front of a pedhofile. ( ssorry to compare but its like that!) I had very bad experiences in a cab and in the streets, honestly everywhere I should open my mouth to say I m brazilian . American guys are freaks, desesperate for sex…weirds. Of course some are not like that. But if there s any brazilian living in the US in this forum…please tell them your experience when you told a someone u re from Brazil…
They have this shinny eyes, its something magic, the way they look to you its so weird, like a hungry lion watching the hummmy meat…

Comment by Emanuela |
December 17, 2009

I have read some of the stories on this site, I guess some good some bad, still I am interseted in meeting someone from Central or South America. My brother met someone who he went to see in Brazil and now says he has found the love of his life. I must also say that he told me they communicated through email and letters for about eight months and some of the lettters were ten pages long! He told me about this site LatinEuro, have you heard of it and do you think it is reputable? I am 48, middle class, in good shape, fairly good looking and just want to find someone who would love and except me for me. I also have the fear that some of these woman just want to get out of Brazil and come to the US. I think I am a good catch and am a one woman man. I would like to hear any advise that you have to offer. Most of the woman on the site seem to be very nice, but I’m sure that not all of them have purely ethical motives. I’m not looking for anyone below the age of thirty, even though many say looks and age are not important, is that true. Are most of them, kind, faithful just wanting to find their “other half”. I look forward to hearing from you. Sincerely, Tim

I always ask myself: why would someone prefer to find a GF/wife in another country than in their own backyard? There are hundred of milions of women in the USA; can’t you find one decent one? Marriage with a foreigner is always more complicated. They might miss their country. They will want to visit every year or so. They might take off with your child and not return (see the David Goldman story). They will not like your food and you might not like theirs. You can have different religions. You two will have misunderstandings coming from communication problems. So…what’s the attraction guys? A nice body? A pretty face? As a woman, I wouldn’t consider looking for husbands say in…Iceland, unless all men in my city had been exterminated :)

And I ask mysef why the women in US are weird?
I went to many many places in US…and its so unfair the way the women treat men there. I understand why they are looking for someone from other country.

Comment by EMANUELA |
August 19, 2009

My God is there a truer statement than this: “why are the women in the U.S. so weird?” God help me. Thats it right there!

Comment by Mike G. |
September 20, 2009

It’s not that American women are weird. The problem I see is that in this society women have achieved a higher degree of financial independence and professional success, which makes them less inclined to submit their dreams and desires to a man who doesn’t treat them with respect. She is less inclined in putting up with drinking binges, drug use, emotional and physical abuse, lack of cooperation at home and infidelity. Many men do NOT want to have an equal relationship with a woman: they want a servant. They still believe in that dream of a submissive and pretty wife who also cooks, cleans and doesn’t complain if he wants to visit strip clubs “with the guys”. Gentlemen, that kind of woman is on the road to extinction. Even your Russian mail brides or “family values” Brazilian will open their eyes in a very short time and will not let you get away with being a jerk.

Look at these happy couples recently in the media: Patrick Swayze and Lisa, &Ted Kennedy and Victoria. I believe their formula of a successful marriage is common interests, companionship (not leading separate lives), affection and RESPECT.

How often you see a man who marries a woman because she is “hot” leaving her alone after a year of marriage and spending more time with his buddies because he and her have nothing in common? Marrying a real friend is the ticket to have a stable relationship.

Comment by Brasilmagic |
September 21, 2009

Well brasilmagic, since you want to play the “Women don’t cause men are dogs” card.

I have to admit, I have an ego about something. I KNOW I’m a good guy. I work hard for a living. I EARN what I get. I’ve lived alone long enough that I learned to cook, My friends joke with me that I’ll make someone a good wife!

Then I look around at the friends I keep and I realize my friends are all geeks and nerds who I feel are just like me .. ready to make any woman feel like a loved queen.

Also I find your statement a little blind cause the number of good men vs dogs is still at a good 3 to 1 ratio.

Lets take my boy Bobby, 26, software programmer, Only draw back to this guy? He’s a nerd! He dresses a little weird but asking him about women .. “Oh god, I miss having one. Guess I’m gonna have to wait till I meet a girl who’s into intellectual challenges instead of just bumping and grinding with a prick”.

Now lets take my boy Warren.. All brains and wits .. just a little short on looks. “I’m not worrying about a woman at the moment. Till they can finally evolve past looks and finding a guy who will beat the sh*t out of them.. I’ll pass”.

Oh wait.. are we on to something there? till they evolve past finding the jerks?
Ya know most women don’t bother going to the library to find a man anymore .. it’s the bar. What the hell do you expect to find at the bar?

I could go on and on showing you just how screwed up your species is…
confidence? Oh sorry if my confidence is understanding square roots and being a family man.. not mr machismo who’s quick to whip out his junk and put it in the first thing that moves!

So now to take what you said.. I’m gonna correct it from a good guys perspective.

“It’s not that American women are weird. The problem I see is that women are weird and need to stop being so damn superficial!”

If that link about the girls from Ipanema also taught me, Even after admitting they gotta worry about infidelity from a brazilian man.. they must want STDs!!!!

Knock the dog .. not the man .. make correct distinctions next time and keep in mind there are guys like me who think and don’t follow his little head blindly please!

Comment by jay |
September 21, 2009

You know the most interesting thing is that the probability of you get AIDS in US is bigger than you going to Brazil and have sex, check the numbers, I m not even talking about STD…LOL…check the numbers too.
Anyway I think u must know that the Brazilian Government it was an example worldwide with educational campains about STD AND AIDS, so brazilians know very well about it and of course I m not generalizing but everyone here is concious about it.
When I was in US it was very interesting cause I had ocndoms with me and for some reason a guy got scared cause i had condoms…so the fact that i ve a condom and that i buy one make me look different, cause they looked to me like a wo…when instead of this in my culture if i go to a store and i buy condoms seem like i m just trying to protect myself.
Anyway changing a bit the subject…I was talkin with my indian friend, he a genecist and he is making a research in Brazil about aids and gens so I was telling him what happened there ´´the condom issue”…was that supposed to be?
Well the only thing that I know is…we are waiting for the day that the AIDS WILL have a cure, but its just so simple, protect youself and someday AIDS will not have space here, we dont even know WHEN its gonna have a cure, so why dont we make it so simple? wear the condom…

Comment by Emanuela |
October 6, 2009

Hello Tim and welcome to brasilmagic’s blog.

I second BrasilMagics comment about why not just find a woman here in the US?
The money you’ll spend going through latineuro to communicate with a brazilian woman you could just pump through yahoo personals to find a single brazilian woman who already lives in your area.
There is also a free dating site called plentyoffish. you can also look there.
If you want more of my advice, Just read my previous post. I still stand by my afterthought ;)

Oh and Brasilmagic, If you read this, this is my reply to your comment.

Yes, alot of the attraction is a pretty face and nice body.
Us guys are just wired that way to look for a woman who looks like good FERTILE ground and a woman with thick hips and thighs to us says BREED ME. You really should read about mens psychological behavior in regards to sex.

Also incase you missed it but america has a obesity problem now too so slender juicy brazilian women look like gold!
But that is only %25 of the problem, Now for the other 75%.

American women have attitudes that are getting down right sad and disgusting. They think we should serve them and that the sex they give us is their little gift for all our hardwork. – So selfish attitude with no appreciation and respect: 10%

American women are trying to be like the guys these days, take on jobs as cops and firefighters .. joining the army. They don’t care if we open the door for them. They usually prefer a guy who beats them over a good guy who will romance them. So killing of chivalry: 15%

American women just aren’t the best at child raising anymore. American women are putting careers before family these days so if they’ll put their job before their child what love can they give their man/husband?. So US women choosing career over family: 50%

Wow Jay, you knocked me out! I have to agree that some of what you said is true. I do see some American women who are very work oriented and want to be just like a man (and look like one too). As for being overweight, I think I have talked about this on this blog. Many Americans are overweight, the quality of the food is terrible and they don’t walk-anywhere. It’s sad to see 20 somethings who are so heavy, wasting their youth away. But there are many American women who are NOT like that you describe. The trick is to find them.

On body type: many African American men like the thicker thighs and bigger behind, but my experience is that Anglo (White-American) men do not. The media sells female beauty as being stick thin with a boy’s behind and big (fake) breasts.

So even if it’s hard, I am sure you can find an American woman who looks decent, can be a good mother, does not want to go to war or fly planes or be cops (a teacher, a nurse?) and has normal weight. Just look around!

#1. In the US men outnumber women.
#2. The woman you described: Descent looking + domestic + girly 9 times out of 10 equals married.
#3. So 1 out of 10? Hey 10% chance at happiness right? Nope.. why do you think she’s still not married?
I’ll tell ya why.. she’s a drug addict or has some demon in the closet that no guy can exorcise.

Let me tell ya real quick about my 1 in 10 hit. She’s pretty.. not quite an 8 .. but a 7.5 out of 10. Really bubbly personality. She was alot of fun but she kept disappearing to the bathroom.
Finally during one of her stints I got curious and she went into a open bathroom where I hear a big *sssnnnniiiiiffffff*.
She comes out with a slight glazed look so I asked “how much to let me run a line with you?”
She says “Give me 5 bux”. Damn crackhead :p
#4. The number of women who like other women is also on the rise so I think statistically speaking we’ve dropped from a 1 in 10 chance at happiness to a 4 in 100 chance.
#5. How many of these 4 in 100 probably have an STD so I think now we’re down to a 2 in 100 chance at a match.
#6. Now of those 2 in 100, Which one really matches us best?
So now you gotta date these 2 for a while, make sure you both can stand each other for the next few years to have a really meaningful relationship.

Thats alot of fielding for happiness.

So right now at this point in the US, The descent girly motherly woman who has no head issues and isn’t already married has official become the proverbial needle in 7 haystacks.
I think I’m gonna get a russian bride to end my frustration.

And then you wonder why U.S. men go on the internet to find a woman and even look to other countries *shakes head*.

Hopefully my point of view helps some brazilian lady understand what its like being a good clean american man today.
It ain’t fun .. thats for damn sure :p

Sorry sweetie, gotta disagree with you. I tried finding this woman you are talking about till I was about 33… no luck. Then came across the hottest girl I was ever with in my life, and the best of everything else as well. Very complicated but to cut a long story short… got married, she turned out to be insanely jealous. Ended up losing everything (house and all) b/c of that jealousy. After that dated here and there, met another (younger) Brasilian… dated her for about 3 years. Then finally we come to my best (and youngest) Brasilian girl who I will marry next year (from Brasil, educated, speaks and understands English, good family, etc).

So #1 – for me, instead of that saying “once u go Black, you never go back”, it was “once you’ve had a Brazilian, you’re gonna want a million” – can I copyright that? ha ha ha! after my 1st wife, I’ve never seriously dated another American woman again.

#2 I found my next wife on a social site, got to know her (unlike my 1st wife), talked to her every day, went to see her in Brasil (3 times already). She’s not money hungry (sometimes I fight to send her money that I knows she needs for something b/c she doesn’t want to take it). She’s educated, good family, and best of all… has only had 1 boyfriend (and she’s 21).

Soooo… this is why we Americans go after nice young Brazilian girls. I think I found a jackpot and couldn’t be happier. I was a lot better off when I was single and looking. After my missteps with my exes, I’m not as well off, but I’m the happiest I’ve been. Believe me, money is DEFINITELY….not everything.

Darryl? Are you there? It’s been two years since your last post and I guess I’m wondering how it turned out with the 21 year old Brasilian. Are you still together? Is it working? I’m in a similar situation now and am wondering about other’s actual track records.
Thanks, Mike

Comment by Mike |
October 28, 2011

You know what I dont get about these American white men you all go to places like Brazil and hook up with these 21yr old bombshell females and you are 20 to 30 years older than they are and bring them back to the states and expect them to act like they are 40yrs old. That’s on you, get with someone near your age or your age. I’m a 46 year old African-American male I want even consider dating any woman below 30. I dont have anything in common with a 21yr and I mean anything no matter how good she looks I knw it spells T-R-O-U-B-L-E. I like dating that are my age are near it.

Comment by Jackie P. Slimstone |
October 29, 2011

I agree with Jackie.
First it was Russian women, then it was Chinese women and now it’s Brazilian women.
Who’s next ?

It doesn’t matter what freaking nationality you marry into it. At the end of the day ALL WOMEN/MEN are either Good or Bad.
In your case Darryl maybe the problem was not your exes, the problem must have been you.
Poor girl. I hope you’re not one of those jerks who ends up on the news for making your foreign girlfriend a prostitute or abusing her mentally/physically and emotionally which is very common in the US, Britain and Australia.

Very insightful article…I read this after I had some interaction with a friend in Brazil who is a girl and lots of the points above apply to her and her thinking. And she certainly is one with loyalty and dignity.

I think women just have to accept that if they want a good guy who will love and respect them she’ll have to accept he might be a little homely if that makes sense.

I hate going into generalizations too, But staying on topic about brazilian women and american men..
It also annoys me that when I do meet a brazilian woman she thinks I should be her slave and keep my wallet open all night.

About 3 weeks ago I met another brazilian girl. I admit I went out of my way to find one at a brazilian grocery store.
She told me I can take her out to this club she likes ..
Cool!
I do the usual gentleman stuff .. like open the door for her. Take her to dinner .. pay for the way into the club.

But then thats where it gets bad!

She doesnt’ even ask me at this point if it’s ok to order another drink.. she just does! ..
at the end of the night I ended up spending $114 dollars in liquor for this girl!!! wtf?!!! how could a 110 pound brazilian girl drink that much f’n liquor?!!!
Oh it gets better yet..
So I’m driving her home (btw she lives with her mom) and she freaks out! No no no .. you are not taking me back to my mom so she can yell at me for getting drunk.

Wtf am I supposed to do with you then?

Just take me a hotel.

You don’t even f’n know me and you want to get a hotel?

I know your type, you’re a good guy. Please don’t let me get yelled by mom.

So theres another $50 out the window cause I’m such a nice guy.

I throw her in the other bed .. I slept in mine.. kept my pants on too.. I was like “this can’t be real, do these kinds of girls really exist?”.

Oh and then in her sleep she’d moan. I’m like “Is she playing with her self?”
she managed to get naked during the middle of the night.
I still kept my distance..
I finally fell asleep and then I wake up and she’s in bed with me .. she wakes me with hung over breath.
She thanks me for not raping her or making her suffer her moms wrath.
I just retorted “well you know my type”.

So then she’s like “I’m hungry .. feed me” .. I was thinking at this point she already had me blow over $300 .. she can eat breakfast at home.
“naw I over spent already.. cant you just eat at home?”
No slave you will feed me now.. and then she starts biting me!!!!

So now thats 5 weird brazilian women I’ve met with the other 20 weird american women .. I’m beginning to lose faith in your kind.
Where are the good ones!! when I try to find one at the library .. she’s already married with children!!! *crys*

Stay tuned for the next misadventure of “super nice computer geek seeks a gal”.

i met my brasilian dream at a strip club a former lawyer in sau pauelo now hooker stripper. she also a consumer of scotch u get the sexy girl or the mean girl.i gave her a stable good life now she decided she wants her old life back she is 56 I hoped to settle with her she even got me to watch soccer. moral of the story brazilian women will sell their pussy till they die!!!!!!! gringo out!!

Sorry Bob, she’s a stripper. What were you thinking? It has NOTHING to do with her being Brazilian. Selling her body? That’s what she does. You find these women in every nationality.

Comment by Brasilmagic |
December 2, 2010

Hello Jay,

It’s quite amazing you are on the opposite side of the atlantic in the USA I guess while I am on the other hand based in europe has encountered guess what ?A dodgy Brazilian divaesque lady aiming to drain your pocket type character.

while I havent been suckered like you, fortunately in to parting with 300 USD on a date!, I cannot help but a few brasilieras will max out and abuse any nice guy’s genorosity given the chance. So think smart when approaching these parasites brazilian or non brazilian.

Just a like snippet of my experience, I met a brazilian lady at a salsa bar. Had a good nite dancing with her through out the nite, being in a packed bar with stifling heat as I was thirsty I felt as a gentleman to offer this lady a drink too
and guess what when she got hold of the drink menu?. She went str8 for the most expensive drink on the list ! I just grinned and pretended not to notice.

What baffled me though I went back to this salsa a couple weeks later , she saw me and pretended as if she didn’t know me, Obviously she had caught a new prey for that nite. I just went over to her and told she is so shallow and lousy and walked away. As for the poor guy only God’s know what her exploits were with the poor guy that nite.

Although this is a one off dodgy experience for me with a brasiliera in europe, I still have a few other brazilian lady friends that I hang out with and would not prejudge with that type of scenario.

I like to think every lady out there have there own unique characteristics either good or bad. When you spot the bad ones run a mile. I rest my case :-)

Don’t generalize …no men paid drinks for me while in the US.
Brazilians drinks a lot! And we like good drinks, of course in your country drinks are very expensive, maybe you should blame your government for the taxes in any kind of beverage.? Ok she was not a nice women but whatever, I bet you liked her for the wrong reasons, body type, sexy, pretty face, an amazing dancer but empty…also this is a whore behavior, whores are too exploitative with men, and she was always there in this salsa club, she realized nothing was gonna happen so next victim…maybe?
try again other brazilian lady, and try to know her better.
Well don’t blame all brazilians we are not all like that. Other thing not all girls here are used to accept drinks, it’s dangerous for us, we feel like the guy want something in return, or he wants u drunk to try something ( bad intentions)… at the same time we are used to accept drinks of guys that we know and I m telling you they pay whatever you want cause here its just cheap. Well a bottle of smirnoff I heard in the US is something around 50 dollars and here it’s just 9 dollars.
If you are offering a drink to a brazilian I think its because you don’t mind about prices, and of course if I d accept a drink I d take the one I like most – whisky with redbull!!!! :)

Ray and Jay, it seems that you are looking for (Brazilian) women in the wrong places. The kind of woman you will meet in a nightclub/bar is usually the kind who will want you to pay for her drink..
Does she dress too sexy? Watch out. Might be looking for the wrong attention. Order expensive items out of the menu? Bad manners. Ask a stranger to take her to a hotel? Absolutely crazy and irresponsible.

Believe me, there are many Brazilian women who do not act like that. Usually they are better educated and come from strong families. These women you describe are borderline prostitutes. Unfortunately due to great number of Brazilian women in financial despair, these types seem to be everywhere.

I’m glad I read this. Catholic societies in general sound like nightmares. The invasive, stupid relatives, who are basically ignorant, low people with zero class. The chicks with little education demanding the world. Sounds like lower class American trash. I think American men would do far better with eastern europeans or thai girls. Eastern Europeans are the best looking, along with some latins, but the latins are all raised on that insane catholic religion, which is completely nuts and inefficient.

Fact is, if you can land a good girl from Denmark, Sweden, Holland Germany, Swiss, you will prob do the best, but you will have to bring something to the table, and you can’t be too old, unless you’re rich. Life is tough, there are no shortcuts, but latins do seem like bitter thieves. They would rather rob you to make up for the oppression of gringo, which is really just their whining catholic culture. Plus they’re racist? Please. I don’t hate black people. Some dumb Brazilian thinking they are better than other races would just make me laugh in their face. Too bad, there are some sexy women there. Maybe you can find an educated one, but then she will expect the world. Oh well, better to go to eastern europe, or even India or the Mideast, but watch out for the stone-age people. They will not tolerate your modern attitudes.

Hello Samuel,
First off, LMFAO! Brazil isn’t latin per se .. but like their latin neighbors it is a heavy catholic country.
You are soooo right though. They almost seem like bitter thieves.
Yeah, I’ve met 2 Brazilian women here in south florida that aren’t religious though. They did seem to expect alot from my wallet.
Yeah I hear alot of good things about Ukraine and Polish women. Thats why I’m focusing my attention there.
I think Brazilian women are just too haughty for my taste.
You should read about my past two adventures with a brazilian woman. I dated one for almost 2 years and she wore out my nerves and then I met one at a brasilian grocery store who turned out to be a total freak.
I recently took a third stab at it. In pompano beach, Fl there is a huge brasilian area and a church.
I went to the church actually. It’s Christian, Not Catholic and yes there is a difference.
While it was an enjoyable evening, I couldn’t help but overhear a couple of families conversations.
One woman wouldn’t stop going on about how she hates the shirt her man chose to wear to church and thats she’s glad her mom is in Recife not to see it.

I was like … Over his shirt she’s giving him hell?

But this was the winner of the night!

After church was done another man obviously in a rather disgruntled state goes to his wife wondering why they believe Jesus is the only son of God.
He starts pointing out about how the Muslims believe God had several miracles on the planet and who’s not to say that worshipping Muhammed or Kabala or any of these other miracles of God won’t get us into the kingdom.

His woman turns to him and says roughly translated.. you shouldn’t be thinking about this stuff since you’re not that smart to begin with”

If I ever met a brazilian woman who’s hot and doesn’t use her mouth so damn much.. I’d be stupid not to marry her since she’s a needle in a haystack :p

And to any Brazilian woman lurking here.. I bet you can count your boyfriends on your fingers and toes. Here’s a clue why. It’s under your nose and above your chin. Learn to watch it!

you re so stupid…we are mix and we dont think we are better than anyone else…I think thats how americans are…they think they are better than anyone else and treat all other nations bad. I m brazilian, I m black or as the american says I m not black I m spanic but whatever…you re very racist and I m catholic, I respect all religions if you go to sweden swiss holland and all this white countries u re gonna find catholic people. I ask you…have u ever had an oportunity to visit Brazil? Have u ever been in Holland or Sweden?
We respect marriage and religion and of course people I m not saying that my country is perfect unfortunally we have many issues including violence but I m sure U watched City of Gods…lol. And I m a 21 year old woman, I ve my own business, I study International Business and I m close to get my bachelor degree. I speak English, Spanish and my native language…portuguese ( do u know that we speak portuguese right?), also soon I ll learn French and Dutch. My english is not so good cause I learned almost by myself.
I went to US in July for vacation (with my own money, cool right?) and I had visited New Orleans, Mia, NYC, New Jersey. Baltimore and Washington DC. Americans are very stressed, frustrated and dont know how to live well, dont know how to treat ppl well, eat very badtotally unhealthy, I ve many bad things to say about my experience there, but you know its a waste of time.I was robbed twice there, FUCKING TWICE.. What do you think about that? So nothing is perfect…
And I can tell you…You cant generalize.
But I still want you to keep saying bad things about my country, cause I dont wanna americans coming here to live( they r already doing it). I dont wanna this weak ppl without culture and materialist that dont even know where my country is localized in the world map, here.
So have a great search with your amazing white girls in Europa, you ll no doubt find someone. You should just let it happen doesnt matter where the girl comes from, how much money she has, how professional she is, her religion, race…just let it flow…

Sorry I forgot to say more one thing
Brazil is geopgraphically divided in 5 regions (and what most of the americans dont know we are in south america, not close to indonesia or in central america):
North : They are native indians ( the real brazilians)
Northeast: Native Indians, dutchs, French and African
The dutchs came here cause of the cane and of course gold, but they had a technic of make sugar but they dominate part of noretheast for while but the portuguese put them out so they stayed in some country in south america that i dont remember right now…
Southeast: After Japan, São Paulo has the biggest concentration of japaneses, they r of course mized with brazilians, in the middle of 19th century the europeans and Japan imigrated to Brazil, Italians, Spanishs,Swedish though Germans,….
Midwest: Indians, portuguese…
So if you go to the South : Its basically Germans…
Brazil was colonized by portugueses so you ll gonna see in our face caracteristics if you go in each region.
About the religion: we had our own religion, the native indians had their own religion but we were colonized by europeans – its not our fault, they had to abide it, they sent many catholic teachers (jesuits – dont know the meaning in english sorry about my frivolity)
Also its not our fault, Brazil had many oportunities to be a better country, but we were under the power of portugal that was under the power of england, so everything is about history…
have u ever had time to check our history?
Have u ever had an oportunity to understand?
You know U need to learn about us a lot!
Just sound like Brazilians in general has more education than americans at least they know about history and geography I think, maybe not about technology, ipods, laptops, you know…

Comment by Emanuela |
October 6, 2009

my goodness! guys, you should definitely contact this girl…and she’s only 21????? If I didn’t already have my future wife… I’D contact you. You seem like a good catch. Good luck Emanuela! (and sorry about your visit, it’s really not all that bad – even though there are many bad places here)

Comment by Darryl |
November 20, 2009

Samuel, I hope YOU have something to offer to the nothern europeans girls., I bet you are too and ugly for them ;)

1. independent women in america have decided and been told that dressing sexy for your man is not important. Young women do it, but they are looking for mates. Married women let their bodies go to hell, and the driving culture makes it worse.

2. I wont blame women, because american men also believe they deserve the best. This attitude leaves people that would rather be alone than compromise. Of course, eventually, if you dont want to be alone, you do compromise.
My ex from my youth showed up again, and she had such a great bod compared to other girls I’d been with in a while that I rediscovered she was quite a catch, and I reeled her back in with work. We’re lucky, and I’m lucky, because the pick of US women is TERRIBLE. SO many single moms, so many fat, fat women. So many tattoos. Its really disturbing.
There are many hot young girls, but even if you get them, they are so temporary.

3. Americans in general have lost their minds. The educational system has gone down form the past, and people reflect it in their insane behaviors. Too much medication, not enough exercise. People that say one thing, and do another. I know there are good people out there, but it is tough to find them, and if you are older, forget finding a willing, attractive young woman. There is a massive stigma on age differences over 6-7 years at the most, unless you are a celebrity.

4. American women do have independence, and women can have kids, and treat the man like he is nothing but a sperm donor. They can have a kid, and not have to have sex, except on their schedule. Of course, women find this arrangement to be difficult, but they still try to do it, and some have the job to do so.
Some women and men understand they should compromise, but many women are unappealing, and men think they can just pick out a hottie overseas. I dont know cuz I havent tried.

I’m sure you can find an angel, though. If you treat her right, she might not ever stray, and you get 20 years of a hot young girl that turns into an attractive woman. Maybe she leaves you, though. Good chance of that. Then you go get another. I dont know. For many men, there is something appealing in this, but it will take tens of thousands of dollars, so its not for the poor.

Plus the legal system puts all the advantage to the woman on property and divorce. its really quite insane how much a woman can take from you, from any country, so you should prob get married somewhere else and leave the US if you really want to keep truly safe. Plus, vacation and support for health care is so much better in other countries than the US. If you get a woman pregnant in scandinavia, that child will be well taken care of. Jackpot!! Eastern Europe is not such a great option. Get a woman pregnant in wealthy Europe before you are too old. That is the answer.

No easy solutions. Dont own any houses. A foreign bride can take them from you. Renting is the answer.

I also must say as a man that is in his late thirties is that many men have an unrealistic, romantic view of women. It is why we are the more artistic of the two sexes, because we paint, make music, perform, moake money so we can get approval and sex with hot women, make them pregnant, and then want more.

ALl men need to really notice that female motivations are different. The sex and love to them are FUNCTIONAL, they have a purpose. They can say at 25, they dont want kids. THey will change their midns at 35, when the clock is loud.

Men serve women’s ultimate purpose. Men look on it as fun and play. Of course, men can be serious about families, and women can have sex for fun, but, ultimately, the instinctive goals are quite different.

For guys to moan that girls aren’t as fun and nice as they wish they would be, is like women wishing guys wouldnt want sex all the time. YOu can wish, but the truth is we are in a screwed-up reality.

Thank you for your blog. I am very interested in being culturally aware of Brazil especially the dynamics that typically exist in the culture between men and women there. I know here in the states different regions have different cultural norms. I believe through cultural awareness we can all better ourselves and learn from each other. I can understand why the world in general sees Americans as cold and rude. If I could afford to I would move there, to me America is so busy we have no time to get to know our neighbors. I would love to live in a society where people are more about living and enjoying life, family and friends. We have been lied to think that things bring happiness. People and relationships are what important. My impression of Brazil is one of where family and relationships are what important. I have been corresponding with a Brazilian lady from MG, which I plan on visiting in December. We have been writing since April, she wants the same as I do – Honesty, loyalty and to be loved for herself. We seem to complete the other. To me Brazilian ladies seem to want whats important in a relationship. I believe Brazilian women for the most part have been mistreat and not respected by the men in your country. I would like your opinion on my observations. I truly am interested in finding out as much about Brazil, its culture, traditions and its people before going there to be as prepared as I can. Planning and research has always served me well in every aspect of my life. All peoples and cultures fascinate me. Thank you in advance for your answers.

hi there, I’m John as well (english) and also seeing a woman from MG. How do you find them when it comes to paying…for anything? Would you expect to pick up all the house bills, entertaining etc?? whuilst she keeps her money in the bank? Am i being paranoid?

Oh my, I see a lot of bitterness and stereotyping from some men who had some bad luck with Brazilian women. I am sorry these women were not really interested in you, but in your wallet. I can guarantee you there are many normal, hardworking and honest Brazilian women who don’t fit the undesirable description told by some of you. These kind of women have nothing to do with a certain nationality. You find them everywhere.

I have met many Eastern European women who are very negative, always in a bad mood. And although America does have an obesity problem, there are enough women of normal weight around. The history of America and the protestant religions always privileged work over pleasure, and that reflects on the way women dress.

Traditionally,American women from the South dressed more feminine. Those States had slavery, which allowed rich women to pamper themselves. But nowadays most American women have to work outside and inside the house, leaving little time for their appearance.

I also detect the “younger woman” syndrome. It’s sad to see older men who are obsessed with dating a younger woman. Either it is caused by immaturity, insecurity or an inability to see women as equals. Or a little pedophilia in the air..That said, let the flames begin…

it’s not ” … some bad luck with brazilian woman”, its nice that you’re trying to defend brazilian woman, but if it wasn’t true there wouldn’t be so many guys here saying the same thing over and over again!

Well, I am english and living in spain and I would appreciate some feedback. I am 55 slim and fit. I was working in Brazil and met a white brazilian woman 48 years and beautiful……we clicked and I saw her a few times whilst there and went to stay in her town for 3 weeks in the summer. she is well educated, a prfessor at a local university and has her own business. I have met her parents and her family and we got along very well. She still lives at home for convenience (she owns a house in the country but never uses it) and has never been married. she wants me to go and live in Brazil. I said i would but i still have a house in spain to maintain and a small house in the UK so could she help with the bills if I rent a house ….she said no the man pays everything……is this normal….she earns money…i finD it difficult to understand that if she wants a new life with me she could afford to contribute….i have reservations because i have been divorced and had everything taken from me ONCE….ANY HELP WOULD BE APPRECIATED. JOHN

Unfortunately it is pretty common for woman in Brazil to expect that guys pay for everything. It happens because guys think they can “buy” appreciation and respect with money, and girls think the guys have money if they pay so perhaps he will b e able to provide financial stability!

Not everyone are like that though, but it’s up to you to decide weather you want a girl who obliges you to pay for everything or not!

I’m used to dutch dates, and it’s not because i’m cheap, i just think it’s fair for both, so a woman that thinks like that wouldn’t be cup of tea.

It’s just funny how they complain they don’t have opportunities and there’s so much machismo in Brazil when they still think a guy has to pay for everything!

you re so controversial, u know theres so much machismo in here why do say we still think a guy has to pay for everything?
I m very offended now. I don’t rmeember the last time a guy paid a beer to me.
Are you brazilian?
Well let me tell u something, check the statistics and the family background in brazil to see how many brazilian girls are assuming their families and the numbers of women working and assuming work positions of men.

Brazilian woman are self centered gold diggers who think they’re the 8th wonder of the world and overly concerned about what others are wearing/driving/living!

That’s my view on Brazilian woman, first thing they look is the size of your … pocket, second what car you drive, and third what is the brand of the clothes you’re wearing! If you want to be successful with more than half of the Brazilian girls, you just need to meet those requirements!

I know that in every culture there are girls like that, and there will always be, but in Brazil this is the vast majority.

The only good quality I can think about them is that they’re super clean and groomed, that’s about it! Otherwise they’re judgmental, opinionated, controlling, overly jealous, and possessive.

Respect in Brazil is showed by money, the more you have the more respect you’ll have, it doesn’t matter how much of a douchebag one is!

About being hot/pretty … not even that, in terms of prettiness … European and North American woman are on average prettier than Brazilian woman. I would say that the average woman in brazil is not too bad looking and the majority of the population is below average to average, and when you see pretty girls they’re REALLY SMOKING HOT AND PRETTY, I’m risking being wrong here but I’d say that’s 0-5% (probably much less) of the girls, same goes for guys, just pay attention as to how Brazilian woman behave around

North American/European guys and how Brazilian guys behave around North American/European woman

Obesity is becoming a huge problem in Brazil as the country is starting to show signs of economic growth and with the busy life style most ppl lead and with the amount of boozing and skipping classes to go to bars they do, they hardly have time to work out or take care of their bodies.

If you think I’m exaggerating, just look at a random picture of ppl at a beach in Rio for example, and look at random picture of a beach in California or in Miami. Look at a random picture taken in a night club in Sao Paulo, and a random picture of a night club taken in NY or Toronto; you won’t see as many good looking people in Brazil!

These are just my humble thoughts, I am Brazilian living in Canada, so I know both cultures!

Ok, so I am tired of seeing people here (men) bash Brazilian women and generalizing that they are the worst creatures on earth. First of all, I just want to say that in any society where women have traditionally had less power and money than men, have less possibilities of survival and have been more oppressed there will always be those who will look for men as a meal ticket. Alex, you can subsititute the word “Brazilian” for “Thai”, “Colombian”, “Burmese”, “Philipino”, etc.

Sure there are some women who are going to use their looks in exchange for financial security, but this happens in any society, including the United States. I personally know dozens of Brazilian women who do not fit into this category. They are hard working, they are mothers, they are dedicated to their husbands, they are good and serious professionals, they are not clotheshorses, they are not vain, they are inherently honest.

As for beauty, I was looking at my relatives’ pictures on Orkut (Orkut from Google is very popular in Brazil, much more than Facebook) and their friends, guys and girls, have such pretty faces, normal sized bodies (no one is overweight), and a sense of style. Something we don’t see much in Anglo societies.

I met an Australian-Greek-Brazilian the other day. He is half Greek and half Brazilian but grew up in Australia. He is married to a pretty Brazilian brunette. He said he would never marry an Australian woman, because they have no vanity. That was interesting, since I have not been to Australia and cannot judge.

So Alex, we cannot generalize. Yes, Brazilian women pay more attention to fashion and looks, but not all of them. And no, not all of them look for a partner with money. As far as I know, love still comes first.

i’m guessing you’re brazilian, and you got offended with what was said.

it hurts me too but unfortunately that’s true!

Comment by Cassio |
February 2, 2010

Cassio, I am not offended, and I understand that there is a LOT of women like that in Brazil, or any other country where the disparity in wealth is huge. However, I also know a lot of Brazilian women who are NOT like that. In Brazil (and also in America) I see them working hard, taking good care of their children; some are married, some are single. They are honest people and not one of them is looking for a man exclusively for his money. Unfortunately, my friends are middle aged women like me, but if there are some nice men out there (nice is the first and foremost requisite!) I may introduce you to the single ones :)

Comment by Brasilmagic |
February 2, 2010

Brasilmagic

“Unfortunately, my friends are middle aged women like me, but if there are some nice men out there (nice is the first and foremost requisite!) I may introduce you to the single ones”

1- Why unfortunately? in my opinion older woman = more mature = know what they want (in most cases) = better chances of making a relationship work

2- “if there are some nice men out there” haha i’m not looking for man!

Comment by Cassio |
February 9, 2010

Cassio, good thing you like older women ). Since you guys complain so much about women being greedy for money, I can tell you that as we age, this not something we look for in a man. First, we have worked for years and some of us have achieved some financial success of our own. That means we don’t need anyone’s else’s money.

Second, women in their 40’s learn what is truly important in a man: character. All we want is a nice man wbo will treat us well. We even become forgiving when it comes to looks (although I still prefer a pretty face). As long as the guy has a job, we don’t care how much he makes or what car he drives. That concern is an immature one. And with the recession the US is facing, any guy with a job is ahead. Would I want a relationship with an ignorant man? No, because we would have so little in common. But I learned with time that the rich and successful guys are the WORST partners in life. Many are selfish, egotistic, treat you unkindly, demand that you look perfect all the time (imagine if you gain 5 lbs, all hell will break loose)), don’t have time for you, are always on the phone with business associates, and are the ones who have the highest chance of cheating on you. Ah, and they are also cheap with their money.

It is the middle class guy who brings you that special food you like when he happens to drive by the supermarket, just because. The rich guy doesn’t want to make the effort (unless he is wooing you to go to bed with him in the beginning). Rich guys are sometimes (see how I always say sometimes, because there are always exceptions to all these cases) more agressive (one of the reasons they became rich anyway) and they like a challenge. That means they like the women they can’t get (think Director James Cameron). Once she is tamed, he starts losing interest, until there is another prey which seems more exciting and challenging.

Comment by Brasilmagic |
February 9, 2010

I am interested and feel i am a great guy. I live in New York and own my company.

Comment by eric |
March 22, 2010

Well it looks like it is on. Things are posting.

I am very interested in finding help. I NEED help in understanding my brasilian wife.

A little background: Nine years ago, I was finishing up a previous marriage. I was on business i Brasil. Suffice it to say I met my future wife through friends. We started emailing. When she drove her car from her home in Sao Paulo to the town I was staying in, the absolute moment she stepped out of her car, I fell hopelessly in love. Absolutely, completely hopelessly in love. And I wasn’t even divorced yet! That was in July. By August, we were pregnant (got pregnant on our third date on return trips to Brasil). In September, my divorce was finalized. In December, re-married to my current brasilian wife and we were 5 months pregnant.

Ok, now a little about my brasilian wife. She is educated, extremely smart, and drop dead gorgeous. She is japanese brasilian, third generation born and raised in brasil.

Since we have gotten married, it has been absolute warfare. Complete hell with her unbelievable demands and beyond sane way of emotionally beating the hell out of me. And this is a woman that is absolutely enchanting to meet. But to live with and be married to as a partner? Wow…she is a handful. And my take on it is that because she is so smart and so beautiful, she isn’t used to taking crap from men. Ever. And when I stand up to her and don’t do what she wants, she just goes ballistic. Absolutely nuts.

My wife is university educated. Put herself through college by modeling for 8 years. She is….beautiful. No question. She got out of the modeling world because she felt her brain was dying. She did national tv commercials, print ads, car shows as the eye candy, and she would be the one who’s face you would see plastered on busses in Sao Paulo.

She speaks portugese, english, spanish, japanese, and has a good handle on german, french, italian, and even hebrew. She has lived around the world and has dated…and been proposed to…by many very wealthy men. When she lived in Germany, the guy wooed her to moving there with him and he built a 4 story penthouse just for her. She stayed a year and said she didn’t love him, so she left. She lived in Israel for a year and was the executive assistant to the CEO of Toyota at the time her girlfriend called her up asking if my wife wanted to go to Israel.

She ended up living in Israel for a year. She has lived in Japan, too. My wife loves to travel.

So in getting married to me, it wasn’t so much about money. I make a very good living, but there are many that make a lot more. And she dated hundreds of men that were just flat out rich that she dumped over and over again. She is fearless and she is smart. And I both love her and resent her.

Here’s why:

First, my daughter from my previous marriage. Probably the single most biggest issue between my brasilian wife and I. From before we were even married, my wife said to me that she always swore to herself that she would never marry a man previously married and would NEVER marry a man who had kids from a previous marriage and doubly NEVER marry one with a daughter from a previous marriage.

My question is, do brasilian women, as a culture, have a pre-disposed view of children from a previous marriage? In my opinion, yes.

Second, people always talk about the latin (brasilians don’t really consider themselves latin and there are some differences from other SA countries and brasil), machismo. And that relating to men. But I am here to tell you, it is the women also. Of all the women I ever dated in Brasil, Argentina, Columbia, Bolivia, Peru, Venezuela, while on business trips down there, there was one common thread between all of them. Drama. And demanding. And completely stubborn. And my wife is no different. She has essentially driven me absolutely crazy for 9 years. You are never ever going to tell my wife ANYTHING. Nor will she take responsibility for ANYTHING that she has done wrong. Her sense of self pride is / has ruined our marriage. She will protect herself to beyond extremes to prevent anything from sticking to her. And I believe this is cultural. Machismo. And it was again, the common thread of all SA countries.

So, my second question is, are other couples having these same problems when it comes to disagreements? My wife, no matter how completely insane her behavior is, will defend herself, I believe, to death. She would rather die than to really admit anything wrong.

She is brilliant and cunning and uses every nasty trick in the book when arguing. If I don’t do what she wants, then all hell is going to break loose. Have other couples american/brasilian experienced this same frustration? Because it is killing me.

Otherwise, my wife is the classic brasilian. Fun loving, great to be with, great cook, full of life, and great to look at.

Finally, is the other cultural difference. That is of raising kids. My wife was of that thin middle class of Brasil. Her parents (really really great people) worked extremely hard to provide for her and her brother. Her brother is also EXTREMELY intelligent and works for the bank in Sao Paulo. He is possibly a genius. And a great athlete.

Anyway, in my opinion, my wife doesn’t like her life now. She is 38, I travel a lot for my work and she is stuck with the now two boys. She wants to work. And cooking/cleaning/running the house gives her absolutely no pleasure. No, I don’t want a servant. So don’t go there. But I do think that we each have responsibilities in a marriage as partners. If she wants to work..fine…go work. And get the kids setup as part of that process in afterschool care.

Point is for the phase she is in her life, somehow, its all now my fault. She is unhappy with her life because of me. And cheated on me as part of that. And when I found out about it, she has no from the heart apology. Just an intellectual apology. She wants to continue the marriage but feels no need to make me emotionally secure.

And she lies as a part of her day to day life. And then challenges me and gets in my face and tries to make me feel stupid when I question something (I’ll give a specific example later in another post), knowing that she is lying.

She says I am controlling. And I say it is cultural in that my wife doesn’t want to answer to anyone. Ever. She doesn’t want to be responsible to me as her partner. And it gets twisted (she is brilliant in her ability to twist things out of all reality). And as such, views me as controlling.

So I am talking about emotional trust.

In short, my feeling, which I am willing to share with anyone that wants to know first hand what it is like to be married to an educated, smart, beautiful brasilian, is that there is a basic fundamental difference in how she thinks and how I think. She gets from A to B in a completely different path than I do. Communications, even though she is fluent in english, are extremely difficult at the root core of things that you need to get to with your partner/spouse/lifelong friend. And her brasilian pride, I’m sorry to say, is possibly too much for me to handle because her ongoing twisting of things makes it impossible to trust someone. Because they don’t live in the reality. They just live to protect themselves.

TAKE HER TO THE THERAPHY URGENTLY…SHE IS FRUSTRATED AND SHE WAS TRAUMATIZED IN THE PAST? DO YOU KNOW ABOUT HER PAST?
OPS I FORGOT YOU MET HER AND AFTER 3 MEETINGS SHE WAS PREGNANT…DOESNT IT SOUND ”CRAZY” TO START? EVERYTHING SHE DOES ITS IMPULSIVE, SHE DOES NOT EVEN THINK, SPECIALLY THAT U DONT KNOW WHAT SHE WAS PASSING IN THE MOMENT YOU MET HER….SHE DROVE ALL THE WAY TO SEE YOU? SHE IS THE ONLY PAULISTA I VE EVER HEARD WOULD DRIVE TO ANOTHER TOWN TO SEE A MAN THAT SHE DOESNT KNOW AT ALL. I M BEING REALISTIC. I M BRAZILIAN TOO, WE ARE FULL OF DRAMA SPECIALLY WHEN WE DO NOT LIKE THE PERSON WE ARE WITH AT ALL, ITS ABOUT FIGHT AND ARGUE ALL THE TIME UNTIL THE DAY YOU GIVE UP OR MAYBE YOU WILL TAKE THIS FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE

Comment by EMANUELA |
February 23, 2010

also she just do it cause for her you will always accept her drama. Brazilians would leave or show her place. You dont have to accept it, when she realizes it, she may stop but i think she is so egocentric and so anxious that she doesnt even look around

Comment by EMANUELA |
February 23, 2010

Emanuela,

Tell me a little about yourself. Educated? You speak english, so that tells me something!

The reason I ask is because this is really important to me. I love my wife, but she is driving me crazy. And I am trying desperately to understand her behavior. Because I just don’t get it. I can only sum it up under the category of, “machismo”. She will not bend, or admit, or meet in the middle, on anything. Zero. She is a brilliant arguer and able to take either side of any argument. Her brilliance is that she can make it stick.

Counseling. Yes, she is in counseling. The counselor is telling her that she needs to do more for herself. To make herself happy. On this point with the counselor, I completely agree. The boys are 8 and 5 now with the little on in kindergarten. So she has a little freedom after some long years.

As you might know, in the USA, we don’t have nannies. Maids yes. But she keeps telling me that she doesn’t want a maid because they do bad work. Of course she doesn’t clean well at all. But I’ve grown used to that. But would rather have the maid just to take the stress off of her.

Anyway, with the nannies. She/we…mostly her because I am gone half the month on business as I am right now, run the kids everywhere all day. It is a 24/7 job. As you might know if you have children.

So there is a cultural difference in that she cannot live the life she wants in the USA of that life she wanted in Brasil. Where we go out to dinner 4 times a week, she goes to lunch with her girlfriends 3 times a week, and visits the beauty salon once a week, and we take vacations both with and without the kids maybe 6 or 7 times a year.

I tell her with the money I make, with the same cost structure of debt that we have with car payment and house payment and insurance, you know…bills…..that she would have to find a man that makes about 200k more than me.

The point is not the money. It’s the lifestyle. She cannot just pickup and go with me whenever she wants and we go see a show somewhere. We have no family around to watch the kids. So its either baby-sitters or we take them with us. The kids are just getting to the age of babysitters because when they are so young, they have to be able to tell you if the babysitter was good to them. Now, they are old enough.

So, its just a different lifestyle in the USA. That’s why, as brasilmagic pointed out, the men and women of brasil don’t know how to do much with their hands. Because they hire someone. I can’t build a home, but I sure can do a lot towards building one. Meaning, we are much more self reliant in the USA. We don’t ask for help on building/fixing things. It’s almost a badge of honor if you know what I mean.

Anyway, I am way off the track I wanted to be on.

Yes, she is in counseling and the counselor is telling her to do things to make her happy. I agree with that. Even if it means going back to work.

She makes such a f*^cking drama out of absolutely everything. You know, I almost don’t know where to start.

How about my daughter. Do brasilian women have a, “thing”, about kids from a previous marriage? Yes, in the USA, mixed families are difficult, no matter what the nationality. But it seems that the brasilians and other latinas can be extremely hurtful when it comes to kids from other marriages.

My main problem with my daughter was through her college years. She did a lot of manipulation of me and it drove my wife nuts. It amounted to $10,000 USD that she overspent in college.

Now that is not a good figure. But you know what? I make a pretty good income. And that money, in honesty and humbleness, doesn’t make much of a difference in our lifestyle. Sure, it would be nice to have that as extra, but there was no lack of new cars, vacations, homes, food on the table, extra curricular activities for the kids. And so on. It just didnt affect us.

My ex wife said from the beginning that she would not pay for college. So it was all me. And my daughter also has a $16,000 loan to pay off now that she has graduated. Which she is paying no problem as she has a high paying job now that she is out of school.

So what did my daughter do while in college? Overall disrespected me and to a much much smaller degree my wife. She might have said literally 2 or 3 things to my wife in all these years. My daughter thinks the world of my wife. But also has a sneaky side to her.

But you know what? The kid is a good kid. I raised her until she was 15 years old. She was always a straight, “A” student. And a very easy girl to raise. She was very upset and my getting re-married so quickly (3 months after getting divorced from her mom), and my new wife was 5 months pregnant at that wedding (what a beautiful bride she was!). I decided that my brasilian wife would not do well in the cold weather of northern USA, so I sold the home we lived in, and we moved to Florida. When my wife said she was embarrassed to drive around the honda that we were using, I brought down the other car from the north right away…which meant that I now had no ties to visiting my daughter up north.

In short, I bent over backwards to please my wife in every way. But as soon as I would lift a finger to help my daughter, HUGE FIGHT. And it would be thrown in my face over and over that my daughter was the number one. It hurt me very much.

I’m going on way too long as there is so much to talk about.

My daughter graduated from a major university in Florida, the best university in florida actually, with a 3.67 GPA. She held as many as three jobs at once but never didn’t work. She always worked. She paid off two car loans during college, volunteered at the hospital, was a beauty queen in florida beauty pageant, doesn’t sleep around with men and doesn’t do drugs and barely drinks. In short, she is a good kid. And it drove my wife nuts when I wouldn’t stop paying for my daughters college.

It’s like this. I welcome my wife’s opinion on the things my daughter was doing and how my wife didn’t agree. But…it is ultimately MY DAUGHTER…and therefore my ultimate decision on what to do. I looked at the impact my daughter was having on our lives in the big picture, and it was up to me to absorb her hurtful ways. And then it was up to my wife to accept them or pack her bags and leave. She didn’t pack her bags. She just stayed and made my life miserable. She knew I had a daughter before we got married. My wife knew everything about me before we got married.

As far as what I know about my wife before we were married? Hmmmmm….you brasilians have a way of mystery. I know my wife grew up in a simple apartment in the south of Sao Paulo. She and her brother were pretty much left on their own at 17. Her parents went to Japan to work. So her and her brother went to school themselves, my wife modeled and made lots of money, and supported her, her parents, and her brother. And put herself through school. Her brother got a scholarship to a public university in Sao Paulo for engineering. But he got bored. lol…..he’s really smart.

So, my daughters poor behavior really drove my wife nuts because my wife was so responsible at a young age. And buddhists are always teaching to respect your parents. And my daughters behavior drove her crazy.

So my wife has her points concerning my daughter. But in the big picture, she was wrong. Because she couldn’t bend at all and let me deal with it. EIther I handled my daughter her way, or it was a fight. A huge fight like an american can’t even begin to imagine. You brasilians are absolutely vicious in an argument. You have no rules of decency! lol

Ayyyy…so much to say.

So…what is it about daughters in particular from previous marriages? Is that a common problem in Brasil? Does the second wife always feel second to the daughter in the first marriage? I would really like to know that.

And why is it that brasilians argue with such force and drama? Believe me, I was married the first time for 17 years and have had many married friends over the years and seen their marriages in action. I’ve never seen anything….ANYTHING like my wife when it comes to arguing. It’s like nothing an american can experience in explanation until they actually experience it.

So anyone thinking of marrying a brasilian, I’m sorry, you better be ready for insanity. My wife, she really is very educated, worldly, sophisticated, smart, and beautiful. And if my wife is all these things and you therefore think you are going to get someone that you can reason with, forget it. You are not going to find any brasilian that you can reason with. Be they uneducated from the northeast, or an executive right in the heart of Sao Paulo. You have about a 90% chance of finding one that won’t be exactly like my wife. And good luck finding that 10%…if that.

I tell everyone look, dude, you gotta’ realize….brasilians don’t just have passion in the bedroom. The passion doesn’t stop at the bedroom door. It is in every room of the house and every part of their life. Sounds enchanting….but it comes with a big cost because the drama will absolutely drive you nuts. And I tell them, and you won’t know what I mean until you see it in action. But I guarantee you will see it and it will be nothing like you’ve ever experienced before. So hang on! lol

Yes, she is impulsive. And she’s not used to taking any shit. In her words, “baby, pardon my modesty….but wherever I went in Brasil, I made a scandal”. She knows….KNOWS..that men are crazy for her and she can handle them as easy as Roger Federer can handle a tennis racket. A gold digger? Hmmmmmm…..you know…that is really tough to say. She has walked away from a lot of money a lot of times. But! She always always always knows there will be someone else. So she doesn’t really care about the money because she knows there will always be another man. She is very very smart.

And she has always worked. She says that she didn’t know for years in her modeling world what the, “programma”, was. In some ways, I believe her. But with my wife, you never know. You just never know. When she stopped modeling, she was always the executive assistant to the CEO of whatever company she was working for with her own staff of secretaries and assistants. She had a lot of responsibility and was very good at what she did. Point is that she was fiercely independant and would save her money to buy her car, take care of her parents, travel, and so on. But she always had a boyfriend to entertain her. So she never had to spend her money. She could save it. Which is fair enough. I mean, she is smart and pretty. So she had rich boyfriends. Its a fine line of whether she was a, “gold digger”. I’d have to say overall, she wasn’t. But she’s damn smart…that’s for sure!

Much more to say…but my fingers are tired.

THANKS SO MUCH FOR YOUR REPLIES! IT’S REALLY IMPORTANT TO BOTH GIVE AND RECEIVE INFORMATION ON THIS SUBJECT! My wife is fascinating and I want to stay with her!! But the emotional cost might be too much and I am trying to understand!

And that’s the thing…..I have no emotional trust with my wife. Never have. Money trust? Absolutely. But emotional trust? Never. She was always protecting herself so hard…it just was scary.

SURE…why not?
I m 22 years old, how funny…from the northeast!
I never had the same opportunity as your wife. My parents spent their lives working hard to pay private schools. I studied in a private university ( Bachelor degree in International Business and I quit the Public University if I had concluded it would be a degree in Foreign Languages Studies)
I m not a programa, and yes I come from a poor family. With my age, last year, I gave myself a trip to the US and now I m moving to London..maybe for you, it doesnt seem enough compared to the education your wife has, but for me every step I give ahead Its amazong!!!!
Unfortunally your comments are not smart when you say : Be they uneducated from the northeast.
You need to visit and know more about the Northeast! We have a completely different life style, culture, education, yes have poverty too but I m sure in the subject ” society and communication” hahaha we are better than this unpolite paulistas. But anyway I m not here to offend them, but you seem to be like them…thats what they do all the time.
Talking about your wife’s drama – she is educated, smart everything someone wanted in brain, but it seems she doesnt know how to use it. She doesnt know how to control her feelings…dont you see it?
I ll not tell you why I think she has emotional disturbs. She doesnt even realize that she has it…she doesnt control herself, and its always about her.
I LL TELL YOU ITS NOT SOMETHING CULTURAL!!! ITS NOT THAT THE BRAZILIANS ARE ALL LIKE THAT! ITS OBVIOUS! DONT YOU SEE IT?

Comment by EMANUELA |
February 23, 2010

I M SURE THEY LEFT HER BECAUSE SHE MAKES SCANDALS AND THATS SOMETHING BRAZILIANS HATE. HIGH CLASS FAMILIES IN BRAZIL, DO NOT LIKE TO BE INVOLVED IN SCANDALS…DO YOU?
I THINK YOU ARE BLIND.
I ASK YOU ….WHY DID YOU MARRY HER AGAIN?
1- NO DOUBT U MARRIED HER BRAIN
2 – HER BEAUTY
3 – AND ALL REST? WHERE S THE FEELINGS? COMPATIBITY, I NEVER HEARD YOU SAY ”PERSONALITY”, ”GOOD BEHAVIORS”, ”POLITE”? ”LOVELY”? ”SWEET”? ”CARING”? ”THE WOMAN I CAN COUNT WITH ”?

Comment by EMANUELA |
February 23, 2010

AT SOME POINT THE BALANCE OF HER STATUS AND EDUCATION LEVEL WILL NOT BE EQUAL WITH THE MISERABLE LIFE OF UNCONTROLLED BEHAVIORS AND ATITUDES SHE TAKES WITH YOU.

Comment by EMANUELA |
February 23, 2010

Emanuela,

First, my sincere apologies for generalizing the good people from the Northeast. That was a an extremely poorly worded sentence while typing very fast and thinking faster. I without question should have re-read what I wrote to consider the fairness of the statement. My apologies.

I agree…she is a very impulsive person. Which I consider a delightful trait. But like everything else, it comes with a cost.

I was always so impressed with my 10 years of traveling throughout South America at their ability to live in the moment. They don’t worry about the past. They don’t worry about the future. They live in the moment. For an american always worried particularly about the future, I found this ability to live in the, “now”, completely refreshing. The cost is that things can be a rollercoaster.

Brasilians in my opinion are unique of south america. They are more european in many of their ways, yet retain the zest for life that brasilians are famous for.

From my experience in the northeast of brasil, (we stayed at Natal for 4 days before going to Fernando de Naronja), the people were extremely friendly and quick with a smile. My wife has always been telling me that we need to go to Baia for the real Carnival as it is much more interactive than that in Rio.

I am trying to scroll up and address the points of your emails one by one.

Yes, I felt it was extremely out of character for my wife to drive 1 hour to a city that she had never been to to meet a man she had never met. She was close friends with a Park Avenue banker at the time. Young and extremely successful. They had talked of getting together. The guy was engaged to another Park Avenue diletant (spelling?) and from what I understand, she resisted his advances because she didn’t want to break that engagement. I have my doubts about what exactly went on. But it was not my life so wondering was all I could do in trying to piece together the puzzle of who my wife was.

When she woke up on that Sunday morning to drive and meet me, she said, “what I’m DOING? I’m going to drive to a city I’ve never been to to meet a man I’ve never met!” But brasilians pay a little more attention to the, “signs” and she kept thinking about coming throughout the day. So she decided it was a sign and did it. No, according to her she never lifted a finger to chase any man. I was the first. And from the stories I have been able to piece together over the years, well, to tell you the truth, I dont know. It’s really hard to know what is true and what isn’t with her. She, while being smart, is not a deep thinker. So no real deep thought is given to any one subject. And trying to gain glimpses into her past…who she is…what she is all about….only leaves me more confused. I know that she did the things she said, and worked the places she worked. I know that she dated many men and from what I understand, left them all. She would get tired of them. And that includes the number one soap opera star in brasil. She woke up one morning and said to herself what am I doing with this guy! And disappeared from his life. That’s what she said she would do. Just disappear.

Yes, it seemed strange that she got pregnant. She claimed she couldn’t get pregnant. But that’s life! Always suprises! And it seems that the babies I make stick like peanut butter as soon as I have unprotected sex, the women get pregnant. No, she was not on the pill and doesn’t really track her periods. So it was obviously my fault as much as hers. I knew it and didn’t protect myself. And waalaaa! Baby.

I do feel that we are in a fight to the death. That if I don’t, “put my foot down”, she is going to run over me like a freight train for the rest of my life. Which concerns me when it comes to the brief affair she had which I found out about. Because as I said before, she has no apology besides she knows what she did was wrong. But has no emotional apology. No humbleness. No contritness. Nothing from the heart. And this concerns me.

There is a fundamental difference in how we view a marriage to be run. I feel that a marriage is a partnership based on love (of course), but in the long run trust. I feel that her emails, her texts, her voicemails, are hers in private. But….I feel that I should know all the passwords to these accounts as likewise she should know mine. It’s not with the intent of going in and snooping through her stuff. It’s the principle that nothing in marriage should be a secret. As of now she has passwords on a lot of things….demanding her privacy even though she treated me so horribly poor in an affair which was just this past July. Now is when the trust should be built. And then she did something later which really makes me question. In some post, I’ll get to that. Its a long story. In some ways, I can think she didn’t do anything. But in many other ways, it doesn’t look good. Point is that at this point, with her wanting to go forward in the marriage, the last thing you want to do is do anything where trust would be questioned. And true to herself, she just walks all over that demanding her, “privacy”. When I confronted her about the affair, she laughed in my face and said that her and her boyfriend were in love and that the marrriage was over. I was emotionally crushed beyond belief. I emailed the guy she was cheating with…and said, you know what? You want her…..you got her. Here’s what she is all about.

And the guy ran the other way. Didn’t even stick up for her and never contacted her again. In short, he just wanted to get laid and then fly back to his country (Norway).

Well, then my wife puts her sights back on me. No, Emanuela, I am not blind. I assure you, I want to stay married to her…but I am not blind as to the extreme risk I take in staying married to her. She has shown the capability to viciously lie and use her words like a knife to destroy me and laugh as she is doing it.

That is why in desperation I started googling american/brasilian marriages and their problems. To find a forum such as this to see if others in this marriage situation are having the same problems. I think based on the cultural aspect alone, there must be many similarities of difficulty that others are having in their cross-cultural marriages.

She did have one trauma from when she was about 8 or 10. A guy broke into their apartment in Sao Paulo through her bedroom window. He made her strip. She just said to herself, I’d rather die. She ran out of the room to her parents room and he left through the window he came in. He never touched her. Her parents didn’t believe that it had happened. Until the next day when they saw the potted plants knocked over all along the cement wall the guy ran across in getting away on the second floor of the apartment building they lived in.

That is the only trauma that I know of. And it is a big one. And I asked her to bring it up to the counselor she is seeing.

Her parents were honest and hard working people, much like your parents. Very good people. She has a gaggillion cousins and each weekend was spent going to cousins house (she has about 100 first cousins) and had a great childhood from what I can understand.

Why did we get married? Tough question. A better question is would we have gotten married if it weren’t for the baby. That I don’t know. We would have continued dating and seeing each other on my trips to Brasil. Who knows where it would have gone from there? I honestly don’t know.

As far as our relationship beyond the constant arguing, hmmmm….I am more romantic than she is. I like to cuddle and kiss and goof around. She doesn’t. But she does like to joke. She’s got a GREAT sense of humor. She makes me laugh more than probably anybody else I’ve met. I would say overall, unfortunately, she is demanding. Quick to judge me as an angry person without questioning her own self as to why I might be so angry after I’ve been run over so often in my marriage. In my opinion, my wife is an emotional bully. But when I’m acting right….well…she is delightful. Great fun to be with.

And through it all, I love her. But it has limits. I’m here trying to glimpse other peoples experiences and how they handled them in their own marriage because I’ve no where else to turn because our situation is unique and we no longer live in Miami where there are many mixed couples!

Steve, I am not a psychologist, so my comments are just the comments from someone who has seen quite a lot in life. You chose your wife because of her beauty and brain. It seems you are still fascinated by these things since you mention them all the time. At the same time, your life has too much drama and your marriage is a rolercoaster ride, which generates stress and gets old.

She seems to be used to getting what she wants. This is typical of women who know they have power over men. They feel invincible, they feel entitled. Not too different from a man with money and power (think Tiger Woods). She is not humble and she expects everything in life to be perfect-which it isn’t. She shows signs of immaturity and selfishness based on the info you are giving us (again, I don’t want to jump to conclusions about someone I don’t know). WOmen who feel powerful beause of their hold on men usually freak out when they get older and notice that power is diminishing.

You provide her with an excellent lifestyle. She needs to understand that there are some sacrifices to be made when your children are young, and she has a responsability as a mother. Maybe deep down she resents being tied down while you travel and feels that she could have had a more glamourous lifestyle being free and single. Maybe she feels she could have used her beauty to find a man with even more money and status than you, so she is never satisfied. You see, her priorities are all in the wrong place. It will take her perhaps decades to understand that that is not what life is about. Glamour, money, fancy clothes and etc are good, but won’t keep you warm at night. Believe me, in my 20’s and 30’s I also had big dreams and ambitions, but later in life I realized that those are not the things that sustain a marriage.

Your daughter seems to be doing fine. She seems to be a good kid and the decisions concerning her are yours, not your wife’s. You need to continue being a good and supportive parent. Now understand that the relationship stepmother/stepdaughter is always a complicated one. Phsychology books explain why. The Cinderella story already represented the conflict centuries ago. I think the stepfather/stepson relationship also has issues from some of my friend’s stories.

Your daughter represents her mother in your wife’s eyes. Your daughter may resent your wife too and you probably don’t notice. Daughters get very territorial with their fathers when a new woman comes into his life. The solution is for you to treat your daughter as a daughter, not as a girlfriend or confidante, and to treat your wife well when she is around. If your wife feels you are showing respect and respecting the father/daughter boundaries, she will feel less threatened by her. Another comparison is the wife-mother in law conflict. Men need to understand that wife comes first. If they take their mother’s side or let their mother interfere in their relationship, the marriage will be in big trouble. Let your wife know what is happening in your daughter’s life and give her opinion, but make it very clear that YOU are the one who makes the final decision concerning her. You and your ex-wife.

Let your wife work. Don’t feel threatened by her probably meeting other men at work. She can meet a man in the grocery store for all that matters. Working will use some of the pent up energy she has. Staying home with 2 kids is one of the most boring things ever. Been there, done that. I understand her frustration, but she is wrong to blame you. She has control over her life.

The cheating. She probably cheated to feel beautiful and powerful. After the dust settled with you (she no longer can provoke on you the same awe you had in the beginning of your relationship, when you were chasing her) she needs to feel alive again, especially after 2 kids. It really doesn’t mean much, as hard as you might have taken it. I actually admire you for staying with her after that, since most marriages do not survive infidelity.

They say successful marriages are the ones where the man just does what the wife wants. And that has nothing to do with being Brazilian or American. I see couples here in the US that are stable and the woman calls the shots. The men are happy to oblige so as not to create conflict.

My question to you is: is the mother of your daughter American? If you were married to an American or dated women of anglo saxon ethnicity, did you have a different experience? Is it fair to say American women are less jealous, less difficult? I am not sure about that…

On the other hand, you say she is a brilliant arguer. Maybe she could spend her energy in the courtroom. People like her make excellent trial attorneys.

Comment by Brasilmagic |
February 23, 2010

Brasilmagic!

Thank you very much! I came here hoping to get some opinions and it seems as though it is going very well! I hope the communications continue as it is very important to me!

My first wife was american. And she was completely different than my wife. An emotional rock of a person and entirely dependable. Ironic how the marriage ended with her out of the blue one day saying she wanted a divorce.

But that was a different world. And the 17 years we were married were marked by some pretty overwhelming hardship. And it was pretty much all my fault. My ex basically ran out of steam. Right at the point of obtaining the success we had worked so hard for, she just quit. She couldn’t do it anymore. That’s all a reaaaaallly long story. But she did what she did and although wanted to come back before we got divorced, I had already met my future brasilian wife and there was no WAY there was going to be a reconcilliation. And I made that very clear to my daughter. Yes, my ex hurt me initially. But in the end, I was much better off…or at least I thought so at the time!

My ex was no less jealous but handled herself with much more grace. Not that my brasilian wife has no class. On the contrary, she is quite sophisticated. My ex wasn’t nearly as so…but had a way about her that was very not-in-your-face like my brasilian wife. She doesn’t like something, believe me, you are gonna’ hear about it asap! lol

I would say my brasilian wife is 1000x more difficult. And as I said in a previous post, I dated many women in my brief single time throughout SA and in the USA. I felt the USA women were much to me me me me…my career, my car, my this, my that. Whereas the women in SA were much much more fun to be with. But….again….nothing is free. They were all…to a woman…extremely demanding of me. They wanted to sink their claws into me and control me from the second we started having a relationship. They could make you feel wonderful like a man on top of the world, but also could sweep your legs out from under you in a second. They were very perceptive to the male ego and could inflate or deflate in a nano-second. Ha! Suffice it to say my brasilian wife is a handful. It literally is like trying to hold a tiger by the tail.

Funny, I told my wife that exact same thing. Why don’t you go be a trial lawyer and make millions instead of trying to take it out of my ass everyday! She has a lightning fast brain….and I mean lightning. She can verbally shift gears and change thought process EXTREMELY fast. And as I said, uses every trick in the book. As such, even with her cheating, she has battled me to neutral ground on 99% of occassions. And I’m not stupid! But she has a way of twisting and turning things back on you, putting you somehow miraculessly on the defensive while you are arguing about (for example), this affair where there really is no middle ground of right and wrong and who is right and who is wrong. I’m not kidding….she is that good.

And I’ve always said to her, if I cannot get any real recognition/understanding/acknowledgement/respect (all the same word), in the viciousness of your acts in this affair, then how am I POSSIBLY going to get the same words with regards to my daughter? I mean, when I found out about this affair, I lost 30 pounds in 3 weeks. I lost FIFTEEN pounds in FIVE days. Do you know what she said? She said that I wanted to lose the weight and that I did a good job! Unreal. I broke out in a case of shingles at the same time. Shingles is brought on by extreme stress. Period. And it only occurs with those people that had chicken pox as a child. And it is very painful…which it was. Of course it was my fault. And it had nothing to do with what she was putting me through emotionally.

YOu see…those are just a couple of examples. My impression of SA women is that they will never take responsibility for ANYTHING. Whatever happens has nothing to do with them. Yes, yes, yes, yes….of course there are many american women that would fit into this same category of not taking responsibility. Of course. But I really don’t think as a population group, it defines the american woman. But I do think it defines, as a population group, latin women. That’s just my experience. Just as on the otherhand I would say latin women are more fun and alive to be with. It goes both ways.

I do agree….a happy house is a happy wife. And I feel that for the most part, I have broke my back to make my wife happy. But that she keeps drilling me into the ground on the things that don’t make her happy. For example, my daughter. We have talked about that. But still haven’t gotten an in-depth answer yet as to whether there is a cultural stigma with the first family (first wife and kids) vs the second family (current brasilian wife) and whether in brasil it is even possible to make such a situation work. In the USA, mixed marriages are difficult, to be sure. But I can’t recall any of them reaching this level of drama. Somehow, they always seem to work it out. My wife and I have been practically at each others throats over this the whole marriage.

My wife is pissed at me today for not getting up with the babies more often when they were infants. So I have to own up to that. I didn’t do that as much as I should have.

We say in the USA, “it always takes two to tango”. And that is true.

All’s I can say is that in my heart….my HEART….I did absolutely everything that I could do…at that moment….to make my wife happy. Yes, there were mistakes I made which I recognize (waking up with the babies more often). But in the big picture of things, I’m sorry…I just vigorously disagree with getting put on the cross for so hard and so long. She bends and meets in the middle, in my opinion, about as much as a solid rod of titanium.

She says she cheated because she felt accepted. I tried to tell her, what…you think that a guy that gets laid is going to tell you things you DON’T want to hear? She says that I am always trying to change her. The guy clearly showed in later months that he just wanted to get laid.

This is a very tough subject. On the one hand, if you love someone, you don’t want to change them. On the otherhand, sometimes people are so blind that they don’t see what they are doing. They are so wrapped up in themselves that they can’t see the forrest because of all the trees in their way.

I feel that…hmmm….I don’t so much as want to CHANGE my wife as I do want to make her aware of the cause and consequence of her actions. I felt her ongoing actions with my daughter, in the big picture, was wrong. And that caused a huge chasm between us in our marriage. And I feel to this day that in the big picture, she was wrong and extremely interfering. Yes, with my daughter, too, I made individual mistakes. And booooyyyy did I pay for them! She hung me and nailed me on that cross so hard I thought I wouldnt be able to breath! ha! And does today.

So I dont want to crush the spirit of my wife. I love her vivaciousness. I love how she just enjoys the moment. I love her sense of humor. Her comedic timing is truly amazing. But….she HAS to know that she is woman, a mother, and a wife…living a life that I am providing the best I can to her. And that she should give value to that and not be on the friggin attack so hard and so much on. In my opinion, she has not given value to anything of my efforts. She says, oh for you its all money. And I say no. It’s the effort involved in MAKING that money. Of which I give freely to you. The day she showed up in the USA, I gave her a list of each and every bank account, their passwords, and changed the working capital accounts to an, “or”. She had complete command and control over the working capital accounts in equal say as I did. She didn’t need my signature. She had the power.

And in my opinion, just walked all over me. I took no moves to protect myself. Which in principle is HUGE. And when my daughter was thrown in my face as the #1, well, it just drove me nuts. And today, even after the affair, she STILL says my daughter was/is number one. And doesn’t take one second of reflection to look at her actions and say geee……I’ve done to my husband 1000x worse than his daughter ever did to him!

Its this that I want to, “change”. Not the spirit of my wife. But the awareness of effort and the awareness of the cause and consequence of her actions. THAT’S what I want to, “change”. In short, I am trying to get my wife to grow up. I just turned a trim and handsome 50, and she is now 38. But with how she lived her life previously to me, I think that she wants that life and someone else to raise her kids as they do in Brasil with nannies. I think this has been a very hard transition for her.

I have never lived in another country. She has lived in 4, including the USA. So I cannot fully imagine the difficulty in immersing yourself in another culture. Even as experienced as she was in living in other cultures. But she never had to do it as a mom. And that is a HUGE difference. She is very brave and when I would leave on business, to her credit, she survived. But yes, I think she also got resentful of me. I dont think…I know. She has told me so.

So in the affair, in addition to the, “being accepted”, is the resentment towards me.

And you know what? I told her it was all bullshit. That this affair crap has nothing to do with me. It has to do with her and her problems and what phase of her life she is in now and how revolted she is with her life. I said that you might think you are going to find another man…….but I guarantee you when you get through all the endorphines of love….you are going to land right back on your feet. A mother with two children. Because that is the reality that you dont want to accept. And that she thought the grass was, “greener on the otherside”, as we say in the USA. It always seems like your neighbors grass is greener than yours when in actuality it isn’t! You know what I mean?

So anyway…that addresses the affair. My question for this forum is what’s up with the brasilians that a heartfelt humble apology isn’t allowed? Now we all saw Tiger Woods with his heartfelt apology. And we all know that his future actions will speak louder than his words. My wife says…actions speak louder than words! Well duh! But don’t you have to show remorse, contrite, heartfelt sorrow and compassion to what you put your husband and kids through first? THEN….yes…your actions will speak louder than words in the future. But don’t brasilians see the heartfelt apology as a necessary step in that process? I just don’t get it.

So that’s the affair. I try to get my head around all the issues she is having after having two kids and essentially feeling trapped. But I’m sorry, I don’t think that gives her the right to go have an affair and treat me so horribly poorly afterwards and then when decides to continue with the marriage never has anything to say from the heart concerning said affair. You know what i mean?

Of course I want my wife to work. If she ain’t happy, nobody is going to be happy. And you’re right and I’m glad to hear a brasilian woman say it….she shouldn’t have blamed me for all her phase-of-life issues.

Good points on treating my wife well when my daughter is around and treating my daughter as my daughter. That line has gotten a little greyed a few times. That’s another post to go into all that.

You can see that I’m scrolling up and going backwards through your post brasilmagic!

You are right…beauty fades in all of us. That is a terrifying day when you wake up and you realize that you don’t have the, “mojo”, you had at 28! Then its all about who you are as a person.

And that is the reason I zeroed in so much on her brains and beauty. Not that it is a hypnotizing fascination with her. It was to demonstrate how she has been able to live her life with the beauty she has and how it has crippled us in our marriage because she is used to getting her way. Her beauty has been more of a curse in our marriage than a blessing! You know, a colleague of mine met her once and said you know what? The problem with someone like you wife is that you can never emotionally trust them. They are literally too pretty for their own good! And being married to them comes with too high a cost. Hmmmmmmmm…..prophetic words to be sure. My wife is not materially high maitenance. But she is emotionally.

I really like the word you used, “entitled”. Yes, she absolutely feels entitled. But again, I feel this is cultural. For example, one of her brasilian girlfriends in Miami was having a baby. The husband (latin but not brasilian), wanted her to stay home. The wife said, ok, fine, you want me to stay home? Then you have to pay me what I would get paid if I was working and it’s my money.

And my wife thought that was just great! And has used that as a knife against me many times!

I’m sorry, can any brasilians help me with that thought process? Because I dont get it. If you want me to stay at home, then pay me what I would make at work. There is just something…..NOT RIGHT…with that thought process. Especially when a baby is on the way.

Marriage is a partnership. And the way I see it is that the partnership works one way…the way the brasilian wife wants it to work or no way at all. And I’m good, actually, with a lot of that. But when it came to my daughter, well, all bets were off. That was something I had to deal with myself. Yes, tell me your opinions wife, but I will do what I am going to do in the end concerning my daughter. You’ve got everything else of the home, though!

So what’s up with that pay me to stay home stuff? Is that a brasilian thing or what???

Im hoping more peoople will come forward with their own experiences as I have pretty much splattered mine all over the internet. So give up the personal glimpses to us all and tell us how it works in your marriage!!

In case you haven’t read my answer above (it was kind of squished between other answers):

Wow Steve, it takes a long time to read your posts! You really are very detail oriented for a man :)
Seriously, you need a good professional therapist/marriage counselor. Your marriage is in trouble and the affair and problems with your daughter are more than anyone can handle alone. Just the fact you lost so much weight shows how you need help. We Brazilians reading this can only offer some vague adice based on what we know are the Brazilian habits.

I am married for the second time, and I understand many of your concerns; the problems with merged families, etc.

Now, the story from Miami. If they have joint accounts and save together, why does she need to be paid? Now, if he keeps his earnings totally separate from her and gives her an allowance, I can understand why she wants to be paid for sacrificing her career. What I don’t understand is why they both don’t pay for daycare and she gets a job. In the first year of a child’s life however, it is best that the mother stays home.

Thanks for explaining the difference between the anglo-american mentality and the latin mentality when it comes to your marriage experience. The interesting thing is that your second wife is actually ethnically Japanese, not Latin. Japanese Brazilians act a little different than the Portuguese-Italian Brazilians. I have some American friends who are married to Asian women and I have heard complaints about them being very “demanding”. Again, we cannot make ethnic generalizations. I have said Brazilian women are more emotional than Anglo-Saxon/Germanic women, we show our emotions, good or bad, more. But not everyone is like that.

You two also have a big age difference. Even if you have kept yourself in shape, you are an older man for her. Men who marry much younger women have to realize that the chances of them cheating are higher. Also men who marry women who are very seductive, sexy and beautiful.

What does she say when you two talk divorce? Does she seem to want it? She is showing NO respect for you after having an affair. She should be very contrite and making you feel very very safe from now on.

Steve, you are obsessed with this woman. This is not a healthy relationship for you. Your vanity in having a “brilliant” and good looking woman by your side is taking a toll on your emotional and physical health. There is a book called “Obsessive love” that you might want to read. You say you love her but love is supposed to make us feel good! Not filled with so much resentment. Think about it!

Hard as it may be, you would eventually feel a lot of relief if you parted ways. The problem is you have 2 kids with her! These kids are innocent victims. I don’t want to accuse you of marrying for the wrong reasons (beauty, lust) but everywhere we look in society we see the price people pay for marrying for the wrong reasons. Three months is not enough to know anyone!

I think you need to find a professional to help you. Your problem is more than just “understand Brazilian women”. I really wish you the best.

Comment by Brasilmagic |
February 25, 2010

PLEASE STOP! BRAZILIANS ARE TOTALLY CARING LOVELY AND RESPONSABLE WITH THEIR FAMILIES…
YOU NEED A SPECIALIST, THE PROBLEM ISNT THE BRAZILIANS, ITS YOUR WIFE.
SHE NEEDS TO GO TO A THERAPIST OR PSICOLOGIST. SHE IS ABUSIVE, AND THE DINAMIC OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP IS UNHEALTHY. NOT ONLY FOR YOU …FOR THE KIDS TOO.
YOU ARE NEVER GOING TO SOLVE IT HERE.

Comment by EMANUELA |
February 25, 2010

In this post, there are some real valid points. Definitely not going to solve it here. But I might get some insights!

I DONT THINK YOU WANT HELP STEVE, I THINK YOU ARE HERE TO OFFEND BRAZILIANS. YOU DONT KNOW MY COUNTRY, YOU DONT UNDERSTAND OUR CULTURE, EVEN LIVING WITH SOMEONE THAT COMES FROM OUR CULTURE. YOU ARE JUST A RICH GUY THAT WANT TO SHOW YOUR PRIZE TO EVERYONE.

Comment by EMANUELA |
February 25, 2010

Emanuela,

Lol…..that is just the kind of twisted thinking that would come out of my wifes mouth….that I am just here to offend brasilians. And you don’t need to shout. I apologized for dispariging the people from the Northeast. I won’t apologize again.

I am not a rich guy. And I am TRYING to understand your culture….even though I have spent months and months in Brasil, have traveled to many places in Brasil, and have been married to a brasilian for 9 years.

My questions and observations were sincere and first hand. There IS a cultural difference between brasilians and americans. And I have complimented brasilians many times on how they live their lives.

Everything comes with a cost in life, Emanuela. I cannot think of one thing, no matter how good it is, doesn’t come with a cost.

Yes, I am trying to reach out to others who might be in the same situation…not with the cheating…but with the dynamics of a brasilian/american marriage and the cultural differences.

You say a lot of good things in your post. But diminish them with your craziness. Or is it passion. I’m going with nuts. lol. Sounds verrrry similar to my wife.

A lot of accusations without any foundation. I did like your post previous to your last one though!

I don’t mean no disrespect, but this is what i heard from two girls talking in a bar in Brazil once!

“Fags like cock, woman like money”

And after hearing so many stories such as “he’s not cute/hot, but his family got money” and seeing so many mothers trying to push their daughters to date total jerks just because they had money I have to agree with Alex

Brazil and US have two different views on immigrants!

Brazilian woman sees an american guy at a bar/club that doesn’t speak portuguese – “ohh so sexy he’s a gringo, prolly with tons of money”

American woman sees a brazilian dude in the same situation – “what the hell are they saying”

Having a Brazilian degree, pursuing one in the US, working, having my own money, coming from a wealthy family, I do refuse to marry a “poor” man. I’d never (consciously) leave my parents’ house to live on less than what they provided to me. I did it once, and won’t ever do it again. If I ever need to support a man for a long time, I’d rather be alone (unless he is my children’s father). Nobody can live on love…

and that’s why it’s so easy to fool you gold diggers into thinking one has money!

I too came from a rich family, have a degree, actually 2, MBA, that doesn’t make me any better than anyone else! I’m 32 I have my own company.

When i left home though i couldn’t afford to have everything my dad gave me at home! my parents were in brazil and i got my degree in the states, had to eat a lot of mac and cheese and do crappy summer jobs to get to where i am now, but i wasn’t expecting to find a suggar mama to pay my bills!

when i was 24 i was making 6 figures already, had THE life, had just finished university, making money, with a woman i thought loved me beside me, what else could i want! we both worked she didn’t make as much money but she made enough to buy her designer clothes and jewelry.

I’ve always been a risk taker, when i was 28 i was flat broke, hit rock bottom, lost my house, car, had to borrow money from my parents to try to make it again! took me about 2 and a half yrs to get back to where i was.

On the second month i was broke, my lovely ex girlfriend said she wouldn’t stand dating a guy who didn’t even have money to pay for a car payment anymore, and with her 30K a yr she couldn’t afford to keep buying expensive clothes and live the life i was providing to her anymore. So she decided to go back home to brazil.

it’s been nearly 3 yrs now, after struggling a lot i managed to get my life back on track! guess who started messaging me on orkut and msn now! my dearest girlfriend who couldn’t wait 3 yrs till i had it all together again!

even though i had help from my parents, i don’t mix what’s theirs and whats mine!

i didn’t expect at all to have the same standard of living when i left home, and that’s why ppl are dying to pay they credit cards back home at 60% interest rate a yr, because they’re stupid enough not to realize that if it took their parents 40 yrs to buy a R$150k and have a R$ 1M house, it’s prolly going to take them (the offspring) maybe even longer for them to reach the same standard of living

and that’s why its so easy to fool ppl, because all it takes is asking the gold digger gf to spend the night over (at the million dollar house, daddys house) and she’ll think the bf has money too!

Comment by Cassio |
February 9, 2010

i meant to say a R$150k car

Comment by Cassio |
February 9, 2010

Hey Brasilmagic

First I want to say that you have some pretty interesting topics on your blog, and unfortunately for some reason I can only see up to comment 44 on this topic.
I am not generalizing at all, I even said there are woman like that in any culture and country, that’s just the nature of some human people.
I’m assuming you’re are a woman, I don’t mean to bash Brazilian women at all, after all I’m Brazilian, I just said how I feel when it comes to the topic and what I see when I go to Brazil!
I was born and raised in Brazil, came to Toronto when I was 18 and been here so far, I go pretty often to Brazil though often enough to not have lost the “connection” with my culture and I’ll just mention one example of how women feel about money/profession when they’re looking for a guy.
I am a real estate developer here, but I work on the job site with my employees, I lay bricks, I install drywall but I also do all the office paperwork. When I introduce myself to a woman in Toronto I say I do construction, no weird looks, no judgment, no second thoughts. I’ve met quite a few Brazilian women here, from rich and poor families and when I say I’m a pedreiro, the conversation changes its course!
I know there are dedicated and hard woman who thinks that love comes first, and that’s why I don’t generalize, I have a mother a sister and aunts and they all still live in Brazil, and even from my family I can see that, I have cousins that look for guys with a fat wallet and I have cousins that look for guys who will treat them with respect and love, that’s why I’m not generalizing, I’m just saying I think the majority of woman look for fat wallets.
As for beauty, it is all relative, as what might be beautiful for you might not be beautiful for me. But there’s a huge stereotype about North America where most ppl in South America think that there are a bunch of fatsos in the USA and Canada. I completely disagree, and that even surprises Brazilian ppl when they come here, most of them say they thought there would be more fat ppl here!
What I meant to say is that in my opinion North American and European woman are prettier than Brazilian woman, and there could be a lot of factors that contribute to that, (beauty products here are cheaper, a gym memberships is cheaper etc.)
You mentioned about the Australian-Greek-Brazilian guy you met, I have friends here who would do anything to date a Brazilian woman because of their looks, so it’s hard to say who’s prettier and who’s not. That’s why said look at a random picture of both places and see where you’re going to see more pretty ppl!

So I don’t honestly think I’m generalizing, it’s just different realities, sure there are gold diggers here, but I just feel there are more in Brazil from what I sense from girls when I go back home.

“Yes, Brazilian women pay more attention to fashion and looks, but not all of them.”

Now I’m going to add, it’s not only women, guys are the same, the first thing my Brazilian friends ask me when they get here “where can I buy, Oakley/Guess/CK clothes”. I just think that the Brazilian culture values some things that in North America is not as important

I m very tired to see this !!
Its ridiculous! I mBrazilian and I feel offended cause we r not all like that!
you guys make the american girls look like an angel, nice girls but U KNOW THEY ARE NOT!
Most of the guys here had no experience with Brazilians.
Next time lets talk about the respectful american girls…you guysmust have very nice things to say how good they are…

unfortunately that’s the image that a lot of brazilian girls portrays, i honestly didn’t think anything like that untill what my ex did to me, but after it happened i started paying more attention to how they behave when i go back home!

no one is saying american girls are angels, but they sure depend way less on guys (financially) than brazilian woman, never heard not even one girl friend of mine saying they’d date a guy only because he’s got money, based solely on that (i mean american girls)

Cássio, it also seems to be a problem with self esteem. Brazilian girls feel pressured to be pretty and sexy, wear tight clothes and act like females from an early age. The intent obviously is to attract men (although women really care for things like fashion to be admired and approved by other women) and have male protection. This is not new, this is biological. For thousands of years women counted on men to keep them and their babies safe, with shelter and food. The most attractive women in the tribe could attract the strongest male, who had the best chances of survival. With agriculture and further industrialization, physical strength became the farmer with most cows, the man with more power or money. This behavior is entrenched in society until these days, because Cassio, even though women now work and can support themselves, women still make less money than men and are less present in the top of any sector, public or private. That’s why politicians, even the unsightly ones, have loads of women fawning over them (and so many affairs). Women also have a setback in their careers when they have children, which is undeniable and unavoidable. Finally, women are vain. We are bombarded daily by images of young, beautiful and thin women. Fashion magazines, TV, etc. In Brazil it’s even worse with “novelas” (soap operas) at primetime showcasing beautiful women, magazine stands in every corner, etc. In order to look good, we need to have that extra money. Your girlfriend Cassio knew that alone with her 30k she wouldn’t have been able to buy some pretty clothes and shoes and pay the mortgage at the same time. So men have to understand that it is a natural and biological trait for women to be paired up with successful men. Men who are not successful and want a relationship have to settle for the plain jane or an overweight woman, and stop focusing on the hottest girl at the bar. I know several really nice and good women who can’t find a man because they are plain janes. Shoul they start moaning that all men are “looksdiggers”? I am not in any way saying women who leave a man when he is down are jusified. That shows that the love wasn’t there to begin with.

Comment by Brasilmagic |
February 9, 2010

“Men who are not successful and want a relationship have to settle for the plain jane or an overweight woman, and stop focusing on the hottest girl at the bar.”

haha that’s just too funny!

well i’m not the plain joe and i won’t settle for the plain jane, but with brazilian woman now i know that love is where the money is.

I see your point on how woman look for successful guys, but i kinda disagree. The woman i’m dating now met me when i was broke and that wasn’t a problem for her, she made way more money than i did back 3 yrs ago, and she still makes more money, that didn’t stop her from going out with me and getting to know me better!

She’s not brazilian though

Comment by Cassio |
February 9, 2010

I fogot to add that a man with looks can also get any women. A good looking guy can even find a millionaire (Jesus Luz anyone?). By the way, what’s wrong with the DC area? There are no good looking men anywhere! I never cared for money, but I like good looking men. And smart men.

Comment by Brasilmagic |
February 9, 2010

This is very true. Guys, let’s be honest. We all want the hotties, the arm candy, the trophy wife, the sexy goddess. And guess what? Women understand that when they are very attractive they have the pick of the litter when it comes to the most successful men. That is why you see gorgeous women marrying super wealthy athletes, rock stars and millionaire businessmen instead of Bill the small town accountant. It is why Gisele married Tom Brady and not Mike the balding $40k a year computer repair guy. It is why Selma Hayeck married a significantly older billionaire businessman and not Joe the 41 year old plumber who has a beer belly and is underwater in his mortgage. That is how the world works. Why on earth should a beautiful woman settle for an average guy who earns an average income when she can just as easily get a wealthy man who is a multimillionaire or better? It is not gold digging. It is receiving the opportunities that life gives you when you are a beautiful woman.

Women learn from a very early age that the more pretty they are, the more they “deserve” to marry a wealthy man who will give them everything they could ever want and provide them with an easy life of luxury in exchange for having sex every once and awhile and being beautiful arm candy for her husband. It’s part of our global culture. That is the trade off. She knows if she is hot that she can have any man she wants, and who wants to date an average looking guy with an average income when she can marry an average looking guy who is super rich and who will give her an amazing lifestyle? If you want a very beautiful sexy woman, the trade off is she is going to expect you to give her a very upper class wealthy lifestyle where she does not have to do any type of housework or labor. Again, women understand that the most beautiful sexy women get the richest guys and the richest guys get the most beautiful woman. It is not the woman being a gold digger. It is how the world works. Welcome to planet earth.

You should also turn the tables. If you are an average looking man with an average body and an average bank account, why on earth do you feel you deserve to be with a beautiful woman who will be a “partner” in your boring marriage and get a job to help pay bills, clean the house, and cook for you. Wake up! There is no benefit at all for a beautiful woman to choose boring average you when she can easily marry a wealthy man and never have to lift a finger to do housework or help pay the bills by getting a job.

Men, stop being hypocrites thinking that the incredibly beautiful women you desire (Brazilian, American, Asian, European, or other) should stop being a gold digger and date/marry you because you are a nice guy who will love her and be faithful. She could not care less about you and your boring middle class personality and boring middle class bank account. She wants to be with you about as much as you want to be with a woman who you find to be very unattractive. Money is a very large part of what makes a man attractive. Yes, women will say this is BS and they want true love and money can’t buy happiness. Yeah right. I wonder how much true love there would be for a man who is 300 lbs and living in a trailer park compared to that same man if he was 300 lbs, worth 400 million dollars and had a private jet and 7 beautiful houses located around the world… Hmmm, all of a sudden the fat guy who is rich is one hell of a lot more handsome than the fatty in the trailer park. Gee, I wonder which BBQ party the young beautiful women will be hanging out at – the poor fat trailer park guy’s BBQ or the fat rich guy’s BBQ at his mansion. Starting to get the picture men?

So guys, stop complaining that the beautiful Brazilian woman (or whatever nationality) you desire wants you to have a big bank account and to spend a lot of money on her and give her an amazing life. If you can’t do it she knows there is a line a mile long of guys who will happily replace you so they can be with her. I know from experience. I am that average guy who has some-how managed to date incredibly beautiful women (many of who have been Brazilian) and then lost them due to not having a large enough bank account to keep them happy. That’s life and the world we live in, and I do not blame them for looking for greener pastures. I would have done the same thing in their position.

Comment by Peter |
February 5, 2014

I have to say men who marry women who are divorced with kids, regardless of location should wake up to themselves. Women always carry baggage from there previous relationships, more so then men, I feel no pity for men that complain they cannot find happiness with women who have a history of divorces and children from other marriages. Women and Men are totally different and a wise man will realize this.

Wakeup, I can say the same for women who marry men who have been married and have children. Many times they take harrassment from the first wife, jealous kids who do everything they can to destroy your relationship with their Dad and money issues. Not fun. Merged families are very hard for both men and women.

That’s why people have to think long and hard before they have affairs….

I am a Brazilian woman married to an American man. It’s really easy to stereotype people when you are not in the same situation. Except for who claims having been married to a Brazilian woman, anybody else’s opinion is mere speculation.
I was born in Brazil, am divorced (really friend’s with my ex), have a daughter, worked as an English teacher, had my own car. I met this man on AOL, and became friends with him. He went to Brazil 4 times before we married, and we had a great time. I must confess that our relationship was based on sex, even though he is 20 years older than me. We would stay in hotel rooms for days just “enjoying” each other’s company. I couldn’t wait to have him “in bed” for the rest of my life. Let’s make a note that in his stays in Brazil, I was his “private” driver and had to attend to all his requests (which were not cheap or easy).
Once I moved to USA, with my daughter of course, things changed. The first thing to change was the sex. I turned from his “hot momma” to the “obsessed with sex” kind of girl. In my first week living with him (which I considered honeymoon), he mentioned I had to slow down because we had our whole life to be with each other. Later I found out it was only his sick game to get excited: more he turned me down, more I begged for sex, hornier he got. What he didn’t know is that this affects anybody’s self-steam, even the most gorgeous woman on earth (that would be me). The second problem was the finances. I was used to make my own money, and once I got in USA, the process to work legally took 1.5 years of my life. Years I depended on his “kindness” to “survive.” I lived on a 100 dollar allowance a week, which I jiggled to dress myself and my daughter, get my own gas, and sometimes (when he disappeared for days after an argument) to feed ourselves. He also blocked the phone to long-distance and international calls, so I could not communicate to friends or my family. The third problem was the assumption that I was a good housewife. Who in the hell told these American men that all Brazilian women are good at cleaning, cooking and wiping their husband’s asses? My mom washed my underwear until I left her house, and I did not go to “maid” school. So, now I had to clean-up toilets and organize his clutter (why do American men are so attached to junk?)
I finally got my work permit and then my GC. I got a job and was pretty happy about being financially independent. All of a sudden, my sweet husband wanted to have joint accounts. (Did I mention I never knew how much he made, nor did I have any saying in the finances, or a credit card?). Why didn’t we have joint accounts when I did not work? So, my answer was NO. I figured we made it separate for 2 years, we can do 2 more.
Now after 5 years of marriage, being treated unfairly, humiliated sexually (so he could reach his climax), called gold-digger by his family (I’m still looking for this gold I dug, I might have lost it somewhere), I decided to end this fucking marriage. And I will do it because I work like a slave to lessen my husband’s expenses (he does not buy my tampons anymore), and decided to go back to school – online of course. After 3 months of translating my Brazilian transcripts, doing all the crappy tests, and being admitted to college, I spent a whole semester being threaten by my partner that if I did not cook meals from scratch, he would cut the internet and then I could not study anymore. So, for 6 months I worked, studied, and cooked like a chef, and fortunately I got straight A’s. But, most importantly, I found out that I do not need to put up with this shit anymore. I will go back to my country find me a man with a big dick that works, who is macho enough to support his wife, and who is not intimidated by his woman’s success.
Granting myself the right to stereotype… AMERICAN MEN SUCK!

Cristina, what a jerk!! I guess some men are very good in luring and seducing you in the beginning and then they become crappy husbands. I understand about the clutter, some men don’t want to throw anything away! I am glad you had the courage to leave, and you are getting your degree. The sexual games were sick too. Being constantly turned away by your husband is so demeaning.

I wonder if there is any nationality that makes good husbands. I know 3 Polish guys who are excellent husbands, and the men in my family (Brazilian) are also great husbands. I heard that men from “down under” make bad husbands as well as Irish guys (the pub mentality). But stereotypes are dangerous, and you often see good and bad husbands in every culture. Brazilian men have more of a cheating mentality I heard, as do Italian and Spanish men. Again, we are dealing with stereotypes.

What American Dream are you talking about? The one where people are unemployed, or where people work their asses off for a 5-day paid vacation a year? Or maybe the one where people have no free health care… oh yeah THE AMERICAN DREAM!

About the GC, I have got it since 3 years ago, and it was not a conditional one because I had been married to him 2 years prior to that. So, I could have pretty much left him.

Now, the good thing is, all the money he hid from me is finally coming to my hands thru a BIG FAT divorce settlement.

Now, I will live my BRAZILIAN dream while he struggles to wipe his own ass.

This is a reply to Steve. I don’t think your wife is the problem. It’s a problem of similar and incompatible personalities. You and your wife are both controlling, the dominant type personalities. You said a lot about your wife being controlling and you only mentioned once about your wife accusing you of being controlling. I think there is bound to be a lot of friction in a relationship where both partners are controlling. A controlling character is better off with a submissive or sanguine personality because the later knows how to handle the controlling type.
I quote you “Otherwise, my wife is the classic brasilian. Fun loving, great to be with, great cook, full of life, and great to look at.” What more do you want? Imagine if your wife was an uneducated, selfish, snobbish and shallow-minded type who can’t even cook or doesn’t want to cook?
I think your wife is a good woman who will get along with a non-dominant personality. And no, don’t start thinking about why she doesn’t appreciate your efforts in supporting her, because you forced her to give up her career and look after the kids. Looking after the kids and pursuing a career at the same time was too much for her so she had to make a tough decision. This is a woman to die for (an ex-model turned professional) with a lot of opportunities to marry richer guys and millionaires but she didn’t, so can’t you see that she sacrificed all this for you? I think your mind is preoccupied with seeing the little deficiencies in your partner (emotional drama, stubbornness and argumentativeness) and not seeing your own deficiencies (being controlling and ungrateful).You think she is selfish but I also think you are selfish because you cannot see what she sacrificed for you.
I may be wrong about personality compatibility because a lot of women get easily bored, and they find entertainment in “fighting”, maybe that’s the reason why abusive relationships last longer and why she wants to continue with the marriage. Have you ever tried to experiment like acting out of character and see what happens when you don’t challenge her?

As an American I prefer Brazilian women, in fact I would marry a Brazilian woman but I think it would be very hard to find an American woman I would even date. In general – I know there are many exceptions – I find Brazilian women more attractive, loyal, and above all feminine. Feminism has ruined women in America, I pray it never happens in Brazil.

P.S. I wonder what is the magic ingredient in Brazil that makes so many of the women’s skin glow in a magical sort of way.

P.P.S. Why do so many fat, unattractive, foul-mouthed and simply nasty American women wonder why men don’t like them? If they would lose some weight, take care of their skin, stop talking like whores and in general clean up their act, they could be as attractive as Brazilian women.

P.P.P.S I know, before some offended woman pipes up, that there are many bad American men as well. The whole society has deteriorated in the U.S.A. which is why I like to travel. My fellow Americans today really make me sick for the most part. A bunch of whining, ugly, fat, cynical, greedy people.

I agree with you Lee feminism not only destroyed America it has destroyed women in many other western countries. They have lost it. Just take a look at marital statistics over the last 25 years. I know the root cause of this problem is not just from western women alone but also from the behaiviours of some western men too.

Western women think about materialistic beauty is the solution + all the financial priviledge they have unlike the developing country women

Here is the downside: Some Brazilian women kind of expect you to take care of them financially. Even if they work (and they will), they expect you to be the major breadwinner. Also, we don’t like separate finances. We are raised seeing our parents joining resources and mingling finances. The family money is one pot. Brazilian women will resent you if you try to keep your money away.

I agree, some American men are slobs about their appearance. The baggy pants, the loose oversized t-shirts, fat bodies from lack of exercise and too much fast food….Brazilian men, like European men, like to be in shape. Fitted clothes (shirts tucked inside their pants, nice belts, flat bellies), fitted pants, nice haircuts, little facial hair.

If you want your woman to be fit and pretty, you better take care of your appearance too!

Brasilmagic, you are kidding me right?? Here in Curitiba the guys are a bunch of mommy boys with big bellies because the only thing the know how to do is go to Avenida Batel and drink Chop. I’m an American man in Brazil and I have had women literally clawing over me because they are so sick of these spoiled slobs. ALSO… the guys here in Curitiba usually split the bill when they go out. You see, there is such a huge lack of men in this part of Brazil that they can get away with this crap. I used to split the bill and not pay for a lot of stuff too when I lived in the USA, but then I moved down here and a girl from Porto Alegre put me straight, at first I thought she was a gold digger but then I realized it was the best thing that ever happened to me because it put the pressure on me to get off my lazy butt and make some money. I can’t tell you how good it is to take her, and a few of her friends out to the best bar in town let them eat and drink as much as they want and then when the bill comes I grab it and pay. I remember one time I took my gaucha girlfriend and her fiend out in Porto Alegre, when I payed the bill at the end of the night her friend turned to her and sighed.. “oh.. a real man, I think I almost forgot how good it is to have one of those around!”
SOO american guys, man up, pay the bill, and in the end you will be better off for it.

Comment by Mark |
November 19, 2010

Author: Brasilmagic,
I agree with you most the things you have said, but the key things is that women need to get A REALITY CHECK. Not all guys are going to be financial well off to satisfy womens lustful quest for material vanity.

Thats why u see young women lusting after rappers, footballers, movie producers, or even worse scenario drug dealers and other criminals etc.
Not all guys can be like this or even want to live like this, with all this bling bling dis and bling bling dat……….

A lot of guys who are decent and hard working professional cannot meet well decent young ladies any more because of all this crazy ridiculous materialistic obsession and “flamboyant lifestyle”.

These kind of ladies need to stop these nasty habits and get A REAL LIFE because when it all goes wrong and they become a victim of their own self greed, crying and lost with no where to go and no future, they start looking for sympapthy but trust me I HAVE NO SYMPATHY FOR THEM WHATSOEVER, BE IT BRAZILIAN ,AMERICAN, EUROPEAN, AFRICAN oR ASIAN WOMEN. SELFISHNESS & GREED WILL ALWAYZ LEAD TO DOOM & FAILURE.

I have travelled around the world to many “poor” & “rich” countries so I know what am talking about. If any one wants to challenge my views on this subject, drop a few lines

I have seen it all , read it all, watched it all too and even experienced it once myself in my personal life, how ever I quickly got out of the mess and moved on with my life.

THE WORLD IS A VERY SAD PLACE IN THESE “MORDERN TIMES” AND IT’S ONLY GETTING WORSE EVERY DAY. PEOPLE have forgotten the real essence of life.

Funny enough we MEN are also the Architect of this problem.
It’s sickening that some people believe life should be all about money, spend, spend, spend, blah, blah blah…………

The proverb goes “The way you make your bed is the way you will certainly lie in it” Basically if you live a fake life then expect a fake result at the end.

Raymond, I agree with you about the media/internet making men and women greedy and wanting INSTANT GRATIFICATION. Remember how some years ago hip hop made every woman in America crave a big large diamond when their BF’s proposed? That is so idiotic. They also showed young guys driving expensive cars when these things commonly happen later in life, after many decades of working, saving, etc.

Millionaire gives away fortune which made him miserable
By Henry Samuel

Tuesday February 09 2010

Austrian millionaire Karl Rabeder is giving away every penny of his €3.4m fortune after realising his riches were making him unhappy.

Mr Rabeder, 47, a businessman from Telfs is in the process of selling his luxury 3,455 sq ft villa with lake, sauna and spectacular mountain views over the Alps, valued at £1.6m.

Also for sale is his beautiful old stone farmhouse in Provence with its 17 hectares overlooking the arrière-pays, on the market for €613,000. Already gone is his collection of six gliders valued at €400,000, and a luxury Audi A8, worth around €50,000.

Mr Rabeder has also sold the interior furnishings and accessories business – from vases to artificial flowers – that made his fortune.

“My idea is to have nothing left. Absolutely nothing,” he said. “Money is counterproductive – it prevents happiness to come.”

Instead, he will move out of his luxury Alpine retreat into a small wooden hut in the mountains or a simple bedsit in Innsbruck.

His entire proceeds are going to charities he set up in Central and Latin America, but he will not even take a salary from these.

“For a long time I believed that more wealth and luxury automatically meant more happiness,” he said. “I come from a very poor family where the rules were to work more to achieve more material things, and I applied this for many years,” said Mr Rabeder.

But over time, he had another, conflicting feeling.

“More and more I heard the words: ‘Stop what you are doing now – all this luxury and consumerism – and start your real life’,” he said. “I had the feeling I was working as a slave for things that I did not wish for or need.

I have the feeling that there are lot of people doing the same thing.”

However, for many years he said he was simply not “brave” enough to give up all the trappings of his comfortable existence.

The tipping point came while he was on a three-week holiday with his wife to islands of Hawaii.

“It was the biggest shock in my life, when I realised how horrible, soulless and without feeling the five star lifestyle is,” he said. “In those three weeks, we spent all the money you could possibly spend. But in all that time, we had the feeling we hadn’t met a single real person – that we were all just actors. The staff played the role of being friendly and the guests played the role of being important and nobody was real.”

He had similar feelings of guilt while on gliding trips in South America and Africa. “I increasingly got the sensation that there is a connection between our wealth and their poverty,” he said.

Suddenly, he realised that “if I don’t do it now I won’t do it for the rest of my life”.

Mr Rabeder decided to raffle his Alpine home, selling 21,999 lottery tickets priced at just €100 each. The Provence house in the village of Cruis is on sale at the local estate agent.

All the money will go into his microcredit charity, which offers small loans to Latin America and builds development aid strategies to self-employed people in El Salvador, Honduras, Bolivia, Peru, Argentina and Chile.

Since selling his belongings, Mr Rabeder said he felt “free, the opposite of heavy”.

But he said he did not judge those who chose to keep their wealth. “I do not have the right to give any other person advice. I was just listening to the voice of my heart and soul.”

My name is Adriana. I am brazilian violin teacher and live in Rio de Janeiro since I was born. I worked as translator for americans in brazilian baptist church. I saw some cases of brazilian women that married american men just to live in USA.
I think that`s why I didn´t got the visa last year to go to a music congress in USA. Because of some brazilian women they think all of us are the same.I hope the next time I need to travel to USA, The consulate believe me.
I’d like to have the same love I gave to americans the several times they came to Brazil and joined with us (many times in my family house) in our church.Thank you.

I have A LOT to add to this discussion. I am a successful american and married a brasilian 9 years ago when we got pregnant.

I am seeking others opinions on the things that have occurred in our marriage over these years.

We have two young boys. I am not going to start into this until I am sure these posts will get posted.

But for those wanting to marry a brasilian, I have a lot to offer in first hand experience. And also am seeking other americans that are married to brasilians and the cultural problems they have experienced in their marriage and how they have handled them.

Emanuela ! You Baiana ? From North East of Brazil !!! YESSS
Very Nice & Beautiful Ebony Black Sista Hehehehe :-) The best brasileiras I ever met. I enjoyed the Street Carnaval in Salvador 2008!. It was fantastic !!!!! So I know what am talking about. :-)

Steve ,
I think you should leave your stubborn wife who doesn’t care about you and the marriage you cherish so much. I think you leave her i.e. control freak and meet a nice Baiana. Not europeanesque looking I suppose, but at least she has culture and is certainly more traditional with homely ettiquettes.

Yes its true there is a lot of poverty in Bahia but that doesn’t mean you cannot me a lovely decent, caring and lovely wife. These things take time with bit of good luck on your side too.

I am black person my self resident in Europe visiting brazil I was shocked by level of Poverty , Racism and discrimination in that country espicially in Bahia. However I did visit Sao Paulo & Rio but I alway felt 100% @ home in Salvador. :-)

In spite of their economic hardship they seems to thrive will grace , smile and resilence against all odds.

A japaneses brazilian lady or european brazilian lady with all the education in the world doesn’t necessarily bring marital bliss and happiness which am sure you’ve figured out.

Some very true statements in your post! I think that most brasilians will say that their number one export….their number one gift to the world…..is the brasilian people. They have suffered a lot at the hands of incredible in-your-face political corruption and past military dictatorships. Yet through it all keep smiling! Very true of their spirit!

Ha! Marital bliss and what makes it! We all could right a book about it. But thousands of authors have already beat us to it!

There is a lot of poverty in Brasil, period. It’s a shame because if it weren’t for so much corruption, the country really is no different than the USA in land mass and natural resources. Brasil, 20 years ago, was starting to be touted as the next USA…because of these things of land and resources. It is only in the last 5 years that they have even begun to emerge onto the world stage. And they are currently doing very well! Brasil, for example, has a THRIVING aerospace industry. They make airliners and export them around the world. Good…solid….airliners. Having an aerospace industry alone puts them in a very select group of top countries in the world.

The problem has been the mostly accepted government corruption. Yes, the people have risen up in the 60’s 70’s and 80’s to make their voices heard and had localized civil wars as a result. But the extremely high levels of corruption continued. And in the end, the people accepted it. It’s Political Science 101. “The people will get the government they deserve”.

I asked my wife one day, do you have the death penalty in Brasil? She looked at me, paused, and in perfect timing said, “Oh no. The government is much too corrupt. They would just kill everybody!”. I laughed so hard. Even though she was serious.

Do we have corruption in the government bodies of the USA. Yes. Absolutely. And it’s getting worse. But I still chose to think that corruption doesn’t DEFINE our government. Although it is being more and more addressed in the media. And I think that corruption DOES define brasilian government. If Bernie Madoff was brasilian, living in brasil, and stole 65 BILLION dollars in his ponzi scheme, and he was caught by the government, there is a huge chance he would have not gone to prison. Hell, he could pay 64 BILLION to whomever was demanding money in payoff and still have a billion for himself. In the USA, he was caught, tried, convicted, and sent to jail for the rest of his life. And I believe that is a fundamental difference.

Anyway, that’s a WHOOOOLE political discussion that I have volumes to say. Much more! But this is about mixed marriages/relationships and what to do and expect when seeking/being with/married to, a brasilian.

Reverse answering your post again. Thanks! For taking the time! Anyone that wants to jump in on this is more than welcome to!

Mostly, I came here to see about cultural differences with others in brasilian/american marriages and what problems that has caused. My wife is extremely tough and unbending. She seems to have no problem lying. She has a will of steel, which is very common in the japanese community. And she has made an unbelievable ongoing drama about my daughter.

I was hoping more for feedback on those cultural issues. A give and take of those issues in marriage and how others have dealt with them. Although I DID go quite into detail on the marriage itself! I think it was background information to provide a bigger picture as to the dynamics of things in the marriage and if others were having the same difficulty.

Ok…responding.

Professional help is a must.

Three months ISN’T enough time to know anyone. It was a foolish leap of faith. And ironic, it was BECAUSE she was japanese that I felt more secure with her intentions. I have been to japan hundreds of times and was always impressed with their honesty and hard work ethics. I was also always impressed with their incredible inflexibility. Ha! But I felt my wife was being honest in the whole scenario and proceeded accordingly. Regardless, 3 months isn’t enough time for ME to heal inside after a 17 year marriage. So there is no question that it was foolish on my part in this respect.

Overall, I have a lot of respect for the japanese people. And that was part of the overall thought process at that time.

I’ll think about the book, “Obsessive Love”. I’m not sure if I am obsessed with her…..or feel that staying married is the right thing to do because I believe in marriage forever. And there are two young boys lives at stake. And I do believe that the overriding factor is that I love her. Am not obsessed with her. Getting divorced, even though I have been through it before, does revolt me at my core. It’s not something I believe in. And I chose to think that it’s not obsession. It’s love and my willingness to fight for the marriage.

No, she is showing me no respect after the affair. Obviously, that REALLY concerns me. I’m not going to fight for a marriage if I’m not loved! That’s like….pretty simple.

A big age difference? I see our 12 year age difference as the norm in SA marriages. 20 years age difference isn’t uncommon. She didn’t cheat because I am not attractive to her. She cheated for the emotional part…which is why women cheat. Men, the physical. Women, the emotional.

I actually enjoy the contrasts between her brasilian self and japanese self. It is rather enchanting! Most times, though, I view her as brasilian. It’s only on occassion that I say…wow….that is so japanese!

Yes yes…I know. We can’t stereotype. But we all do it. So just say it like it is and be done with it. Look at your own posts and you’ll see many stereotypes! It is what it is.

I have no idea what the married couple in miami did with their personal finances on her demanding on getting paid. Could be separate. Could be joint. Don’t know.

Are there any mixed american/brasilian marriages out there that can share their experiences with daily communications and how they resolve their cultural differences?

In any case, it’s been very cathartic on this blogging site. I’m glad I did it!

Steve, big differences in age is not the norm in South America, at least not in Brazil. Many couples meet when they are young and at similar age, early 20’s. A 2 year difference, up to 5, is the most common. You see bigger age gaps in the rich guy-poor woman set up more, but that is not only in Brazil but universal. Rich men see women as one more object-something he needs to show off, like his car, his boat and his house.

I am not sure there are that many cultural differences at play in your marriage but actual problems in commitment levels. You seem to be committed to her and wanting the marriage to work; she seems to be wanting a “party” lifestyle which may be an early middle age crisis for her.

I understand how difficult it is to end a marriage, and I am usually against divorce (see my post about that). There are 2 young children to consider. Then there is your life. We only have one life, and of course no one wants to live miserably.

A good counselor may be able to help you figure out if it’s time to let go and be the best divorced father you can be or if it’s worth staying-if you see improvment of course.

Hi, I’m a 20 years old brazilian woman, I found this article absolutely interisting and would like to give my testimony. I lived in america for 6 months studying and learning english when I was almost coming back to Brazil I met an american guy who I fell in love with… we dated a month and I had to leave, we kept dating since there was nothing else to do WE ARE IN LOVE!!! Again I went to the states and staied with him in his house for 2 months (summer time in brazil-college vacation to me had such a perfect time), but we are definetely tired of the distance.. we want to live together as soon as possible, UNFORTUNATLY the only way I can live there with him is getting married and applying for my documents… I wasn’t raised to get married.. my priority was ALWAYS a college degree, a carrer but my life took another course since I met this person.. now what should I do??? let it go??? forget that I have found a person who loves me and I love?! by the way he is 21 years old… he’s going to school.. he has a 2 years old daugther, I do not want to take advantage of it or of him at all, my intention is to build a life with him.. a life where we both put efforts on…it’s terrible that everytime a latino gets to marry an american he/she is seen as an opportunistic.. of course some people are like that but most people have moral values, respect for themselves and for another people as well.

I can only say in advice what I said to my own daughter. I told her DON’T get married as soon as you get out of college. That she needs….as part of her own development into being an adult, to stand up in the world on her own two feet. As a woman. Not someone who is going get married and be subject to all the, “rules”, of marriage. Because it stunts…inhibits….delays….their growth into the person that they are. And I guaranteed her….that her views and perceptions of the world WILL change if she gets into the world and doesn’t run to the cocoon of marriage.

The world is an extremely tough place. Yes, it is, “easier”, to go through life with a partner. Provided you have picked correctly. Picking correctly is the hard part. :) But….how can you know what is correct when you haven’t lived your life yet and don’t really even know who you are?

If you drop everything and run to this guy, you will inhibit your own growth. Sure, you will say…well! I go the USA, we do all the paperwork, we get married, and I can always go back to school….so I am just delaying everything two years and get to live with the love of my life!

Sounds nice. But 90% of the time doesn’t work that way. When you are married….particularly being that he has a 2 year old daughter already…..things get very complicated very quickly. And one year leads to the next, which leads to the next, which leads to the next. And all of a sudden, you are 5 years down the road and haven’t done anything for yourself.

I’m not saying you couldn’t stay focused. You. But I will tell you this…..the norm is that you wouldn’t. It would take a dedication to your dreams and what you wanted for your life before getting into marriage. And then you would have to start immediately upon your arrival. So you see, you would be putting yourself first before the marriage even starts! Not a good thing. You get married, its all blissful and you are loving your life and then one day, the honeymoon is over. Takes about a year. Then the nuts and bolts of life start grinding at you. And little by little, cracks in the marriage start to develop and suddenly you are in a panic because you have based your whole life on this guy. And he’s going to change too! He is just 21.

As part of that equation of life being so difficult, its not as simple as when my parents and even your parents first got married. Life truly is much much more complicated. I read somewhere that one week of the Wall Street Journal has more information in it than someone would be exposed to in their LIFETIME 200 years ago. Think about that astounding statement and how much pressure we as people are under today. So as part of that equation, the womans role is changing. It is no longer the simple get married, have kids, clean house, have parties on the weekend. It’s not. Women are considered part of the workforce in todays world. Because THEY…women…want to be part of the workforce. Staying at home no longer satisfies them….if it ever did. But 50 years ago, that was the norm. So with women, it was actually easier for them to stay home because thats was what was expected of them in society. To go out and work meant they weren’t being a good mother! Nowadays, a stay at home mom is almost….ALMOST but not quite, looked down on. So the world is changing.

BTW…my daughter took my advice. She broke up with her boyfriend who was a great guy…but had no drive. She stood up for herself. She graduated from a major university and went out into the world. Without question, her views of life and what it means to be a woman, not a child, but a woman, in todays world. She is now dating a smart, driven, professional young man one year older than she is. She is now 25.

So it comes down to risk assessment. In gauging risk assessment, you have to calculate the upside (positive), and the downside (negative), and how much degree there will be of each.

On the updside, you get to live with the man you love and that seems like just the whole thing and that there is nothing else to even consider! Then there is the downside. With marriage, society, pressure, kids, bills, the nuts and bolts of living in the USA….which is very difficult btw. Being the #1 superpower in the world comes with a heaaaaavyyyyy cost. Americans are MUCH MORE stressed out than south american countries. There is no comparison. Basically, in the USA, you are expected to contribute to the GNP. Practically each and every day. And your 21 year old husband is going to be stressed with a new wife and a 2 year old and going to college. And you are going to be stressed out, too.

In addition, you are going to be giving up YOUR life to blend with his. And he hasn’t even started. He’s still in school and has a 2 year old. In this world, ANYTHING can upset the applecart. Because it puts more stress on you. I know at 20 and 21, you think you can take on anything. And you can….but you don’t realize the risks involved.

I don’t know you. And I dont know your boyfriend. But I would give this marriage about a 90% chance of failure. Maybe 80%. That’s not based on you…..thats based on the norm. Now you add the stresses of daughter and schooling not complete…..I’m sorry…it’s a recipe for disaster. And you have delayed your life for upwards of 5 years.

We say in the USA, “if there’s a will, there’s a way”. I would not commit to throwing your life away for essentially nothing but love. In the nuts and bolts of it (again), he has nothing to offer besides himself. It’s going to take, “true love”, to overcome the huge obstacles you will be facing. I ain’t seen this, “true love” thing to be frank. Life is too interferring. And the old saying, “love conquers all”. Hmmmmmmmpffff. It’s life. It’s not love, that conquers all.

So if there’s a will there is a way. My opinion, and we all have them, is that in the risk assessement of what you have said, there is far more downside than upside. Both you, and him, are doing an extremely risky thing. It’s going to take an unbelievable effort for you guys to survive it intact. And once you do, “survive”, it, you may be so pissed off at your husband that in 10 years you get divorced anyway. There are no guarantees in life. And the only people….the ONLY PEOPLE….that give a shit about you in this world….mark my words….are your parents. Not your spouse, not your friends. Your parents are the only ones that have unconditional love. Yes, your spouse SHOULD….but then there is that life thing getting in the way again. Believe me, things get difficult. If it is meant to be, you can keep connected while you finish your studies. Yes, chances are, it will probably fade under those circumstances. If there is a will, there is a way. But you need to put yourself first while you are single. Because when you are married, each person should be putting the other person first and give up of themselves. Which eventually gets screwed up too…lol. Clearly, right now you have to put yourself first.

You and him are BOTH taking an extreme risk. Could it work out? Yes! Of course it could! But I say 10% chance that it will….maximum 20%. And that is being extremely liberal in my view.

And with my wife, who thought she could handle my daughter from my previous marriage, then made my life a living hell afterwards, she just says, yea….I thought I could handle it but I didn’t know how hard it would be. And believe me, my daughters impact was almost zero in our lives. Can you set aside your feelings of love to dig deep and visualize your life with a baby from another woman that he is the father of? You can’t. So I’ll tell you directly. Don’t do it.

Aryene, give it some time. Let your path start in life. Grow to the person that you are before throwing your life in with someone else.

Assess the risks and likelyhood of success. There is not much upside and an incredible amount of downside. Do you want to throw away your own development in life before you even get started? Think about it. And the truth is, “there are many other fish in the sea”. This CAN’T be the only, “one”! Can’t be! There will be plenty of other guys that you come across.

Being young does have the benefit of being naive and utopian of what life is. But eventually, life catches up with you. And that perfect, idealistic world that was in your mind at 20, gets stripped away to reveal the harsh realities of life. And then your mind shifts its mental model. And then all hell is going to break loose. Your youth might carry you a looooong way. But eventually life will have its way with you. And if everything has been reasonably been done correctly, you won’t hate your future husband. And you will blame him for everything and not take responsibility for your own choices.

Look at my situation as a perfect example. I married for, “love”. And its a disaster. My wife put her desires on hold to raise kids. And she hates it and blames me for it. And she is slowly slowly slowly realizing that her cheating and the problems in her life have almost nothing to do with me….it has to do with herself. But she has in the process of communicating to me how unhappy she is, made things extremely difficult. Its a disaster. She cheated, saying I fell in love with this guy because, “he accepted me for who I am”. Oh christ, give me a break already. The guy just wanted to get laid. Period. But she was struggling so much within herself that she couldn’t see that darn forrest because of all the trees in the way. Does she regret it now? Yes. But only, in my opinion, in a sense of risk assessment. She knows she has screwed herself. Nothing to do with love and how deeply she hurt me. She has no remorse. Just an intellectual apology with a deeper reality that she has screwed herself. And now it’s too late to give, “value”, to the unbelievable efforts I did for her. Efforts you couldn’t begin to understand because your life is simple now.

So I made the same mistake that I am trying to tell you not to do. I did all that risk assessment stuff. But thought the person I am, the strengths I have, the ability to focus as I do, the ability to commit as I can, the, “maturity” (ha!), that I posses, would carry the day and my wife would continue to fall completely in love with me over and over again with each passing day. Yeah right……talk about thinking idealistically! And my career was already established!

I have approached this from every angle I can think of Aryene. The difference between mine and your situation is that your youth could take you through many hurdles just on the sheer strength of naivety that youth has. But life will eventually open your eyes. And then what?

Proceed with EXTREME caution. I say build your life into being a woman in this world before throwing your life together with this guy.

This has all been said with the best of intentions and I wish you all the luck Aryene. Whatever you decide will ultimately be your decision. And there is no wrong answer. We do what we do, based on what we see and how we feel at the time. So there are no wrong answers. If you elect to move to the USA and marry this guy, then go for it! It’s your life and there are no dress rehearsals. We don’t get to pass this way again. So if you elect to go forward with him, the do it and love each minute of it! But realize what you are getting into before you make that decision. ;)

Aryene, I agree with Steve. You and him are SO young! Marriages at that age have a higher divorce rate. Add to the fact he already has a 2 year old daughter. Believe me, that will not be easy for you. After the hormones get back to their normal levels, after the excitement and novelty of love die down, reality might set in. Concentrate in getting your degree, either in America or in Brazil, and let time go by before you two enter a formal commitment. I know it’s hard, but we have seen to much in life to tell you otherwise. If your and his love is real, you will know what to do and will end up being together. But at your age we idealize love too much. The media idealizes love too much. Specially women, and Brazilian women, grow up idealizing “true love” too much. Movies like “New Moon” and “The Notebook” make young women make decisions based on this false notion that love conquers all. It does not. Friendship, common goals, maturity, emotional intelligence, common interests..they make a relatiobnship last.
Still, it is your decision and his, only. I hope you decide what is best for you,
Cheers!

Wow
What a great post…
Finally a sense of what true hearted Brazilian women feel..
I am marrying a 26 yo Bahiana mixed a light Morena …
With the same focuse as Aryene.. Too finish school.. I am a musician and acupuncturist
went to brazil playing music on a tour.. Met this beautiful girl..
Spent a few months together then I went back to visit two times, lived with her two months..
We want to be together.. Only thing is I dont know how to make dinero in Brasil..
So I want to marry her to come here and finish school here..
We truly love each other..
I agree with alot that has been said and disagree as well. At least for my situation..
definitely not scary like some of the cases here…
A big question

What should I expect her to expect financially if we get married?
Do we share everything like in the US? Or do we have seperate bank accounts. seperate finances where i take the hit for most expenses?

Can anyone shed an light?
I have generally paid for most things for us..
I dont think she is a gold digger at all I just think there are some expectations from Brazilian women..

She is coming because we love each other.. Originally I was trying to go there.. She was not trying to come to US.. Why should she.. Brazil is amazingly beautiful if you can make money there it can be a very high level of living..

First off, I’ve really enjoyed reading your post and all of the comments! :) This was definitely very helpful and confirms a lot of what my Brazilian wife was discussing with me (over our two years of marriage.)

I’m 33 and my wife is 28, and we married about 2 years ago. I was previously married (with an American) and had a 5 year old daughter with her. My wife and my daughter love each other so much, but sometimes she gets really jealous when my daughter stays with us (two weekends and a full week each month.) She gets upset when my daughter is close to me all the time. Even when my wife is in on the computer or in the kitchen or sitting in another chair in the same room and my daughter is is next to me. She always tells my daughter that she doesn’t need to be “on top of me” all the time. She’s 5 years old and sometimes she likes to sit on my lap and be close. This was hard for me to understand the jealousy because my daughter is so young.

She mentions that when she is around that I treated my her differently than when we are alone.

On post #73 when you gave this advice to Steve:

“Your daughter represents her mother in your wife’s eyes. The solution is for you to treat your daughter as a daughter, not as a girlfriend or confidante, and to treat your wife well when she is around. If your wife feels you are showing respect and respecting the father/daughter boundaries, she will feel less threatened by her. Let your wife know what is happening in your daughter’s life and give her opinion”

Lately, I have been trying to be more aware of how I treat my wife when my daughter is around, which is helping a lot.

I can’t be mad with my wife because of her life’s experience (culture) and my life’s experience (culture) regarding the priority of children vs wife. At first, I thought that she was being “chata”, but when she explained the priority and how she felt that I changed when she was around, I started to understand. Your post helped me confirm this.

Sometimes during arguments, the topic of me paying my ex-wife child support of $1600 per month bothers her. This is not alimony, just child support. My ex-wife specifically did not want to receive alimony probably because the $1600 per month is good enough and she does have a good paying job. A couple time she threw it in my face that I should pay her (my wife) a separate allowance of $1600 a month since this is what I may for my daughter. (She has since apologized to me.) She has full access to all of our bank accounts, and I don’t restrict her from buying anything. She actually saves me money after we married at least $500 per month, due to all of the cooking and cleaning she helps me with.

I get a little frustrated that other people who have generalized that Brazilian women who come to the United States are “gold diggers”. Yes, women want love and security. Yes, they feel pressure or feel obligated to send their parents money. Yes, my wife is very fashionable and wants nice clothes, etc., but she is one of the best shoppers that I know. She always shops at outlet stores for name brands. She always shops for items at dollar stores. She takes care of all of our finances and really finds it hard to spend more than even $30 on a clothes item. With the current economy, she is very practical with money. It is me that she is concerned with regarding my spending habits. I just got in trouble spending over $100 for flowers on her birthday, when I could have gone to the supermarket and create the same arrangement myself for $25.

She is the best thing that has ever happened in my life and gives me a love that I have never experienced before (compared to the American women that I have been with.) She can be very opinionated and sometimes hard to reason with, but I’ve always needed a strong woman in my life. And I would have to admit, that she is correct most of the time.

Overall, I am know that I am the one that needs to change my behavior for our marriage to continue. If anything I do or say bothers her, she definitely has no problem letting me know, even on the most sensitive topics. I love her honesty and if I were to just listen to her and try to understand her, and to take steps to change, we have no problems.

For others who are thinking about a relationship with a Brazilian, I highly encourage it. But you definitely need to be proactive and learn the Brazilian culture. You need to learn Portuguese. You definitely need to continue to respect, love, trust, listen and communicate effectively, throughout the relationship (and marriage.) Do NOT get lazy with this. The respect and emotional needs are very important, based on my experience. Like with any marriage, don’t forget to keep being romantic after marriage, like you did during the courtship.

Based on my experience, Brazilian women have *no problems* letting you know when you are screwing up. Just listen and try to understand. Remember, everyone’s viewpoint of the world is based on their own life’s experience, which is probably different from ours. It’s not necessarily wrong, just different. Communicate effectively!

We all get into the stereotypes of brasilians this and americans that and so on. The fact is that although both cultures are western cultures, in many ways they are different. Brasilians get from A to B completely differently as a thought process than americans. And its not to say that one is better than another. It is though, to acknowledge, that it can create an extreme burden on the difficulty of communication at a core level that is necessary in marriage. It can create conflict even when both are essentially saying the same thing. I have lived it for 9 years and am in constant amazement of just how difficult it is to 1) truly live in another country/culture; my brasilian wife lives in the USA and 2) how entirely difficult it is to speak another language and truly understand it at its core. An american might phrase things one way, where a britt might phrase something completely differently. All based on the culture of the area, even though its still english. Someone from the deep south of the USA will speak and communicate differently from someone in the New England area of the USA.

So regions become a player in the true core communications of speaking another language. Portugese portugese and Brasilian portugese are two different animals as a further example.

So anyone wishing to get married to the delights in being married to a brasiian as an american, know that everthing comes with a cost. That true communication in marriage is hard enough as it is with american/american. That so often, even with people of the same culture, the communication message you send does not always get received by your spouse in exactly the way you mean it, in again, that necessary core level of communication in marriage. When you marry someone from another country/culture, it is critical to understand that the communication could very well be burdened, EXTREMELY burdened, before you even get started! And it takes a tremendous amount of intelligence, patience, and willingness on both parties to see the communications issues through to their completion and come to an understanding. For what couples of same cultures to reach this understanding and middle ground, it’s not uncommon for it to take twice that in a mixed culture marriage. That’s been my experience. And that is assuming that both spouses can speak the same language. In my wife’s case, she is fluent in english. Accented, but fluent. And I am in constant amazement of how easily we can get off track in ASSUMING, (and that is the critical word), that the message has been received as we intended. Its easier to have many things left unsaid with same culture communications and have things just naturally fill in and yet still be accurate. This luxury doesn’t go very far in communications in a mixed culture marriage. Pretty much most everything must be reviewed.

Concerning your daughter, I think the advise of making sure you are extra careful of treating your wife well, extra well, while your daughter is around, is sage advice. In differences of culture, in my opinion, I do feel that brasilians have more of a, “first marriage”, and, “second marriage”, mentality. In my opinion, brasilians feel that the first marriage is the most important. And when they enter into marriage with someone previously married, it is just that, a second marriage. And if your wife has never previously been married (as my wife wasn’t), then things can be exponentially more sensitive. All things can be magnified, distorted, and made into a huge novella, based on the spouse coming into the second marriage, based solely on the fact/hurt, that they were not part of the, “first marriage”. And daughters of husbands from those first marriages can come under fire as a result. As can the husband of the daughter. It is a very difficult situation and can be exacerbated by the cultural differences. But it is what it is in the end. Mixed marriages are always difficult.

If you can continue to find middle ground, then you are on the right path to a healthy, connected and loving marriage. If you find yourself (as I did), building resentment at the constant scrutiny of your wife concerning your daughter, then it is ESSENTIAL that you get it solved before it snowballs inside yourself. And we would fight for hours trying to find this middle ground of compromise. Both allowing me to raise my daughter, and yet be a loving and supportive husband. A very challenging task in any marriage, but made exponentially more difficult in being married to a brasilian where in my opinion, the first and second marriage thing are such a huge cultural burden.

Hopefully, both of you will continue to find that middle ground. We tried for many years. But I felt that in the end, the only middle ground was in doing what my wife wanted me to do with regards to raising my daughter. And that in my opinion, she overstepped her boundries in the big picture of things. And when I didn’t do what she wanted, ultimately, she went to her side of the fence and me to mine. If you can prevent that fence from going up, then you are on the right path.

In my experience, brasilians truly ARE extremely opinionated. On the one hand, it is refreshing to hear such right to the core comments. They don’t pussy-foot around. But in the american culture, this can be viewed as overtly aggressive behavior. We tend to communicate with a little more grace. Diplomacy. Not near the level of diplomacy of the britts, but with more reserve than the brasilians to. The brasilians cut right to it, right away.

And I’m not saying that is a bad thing. It just has to be recognized, constantly, in order to not get defensive. And over time, you might feel that it turns from directly stated opinions, to attacks. It can be burdensome. It is a cultural difference.

Scott, why did you come here to this website? Were you looking for help? Or wanting to contribute for other people to learn from? How do you feel your relationship is with your spouse now concerning your daughter? Have you truly found the middle ground? Or are you just doing what she is saying to do and calling that the middle ground. If the latter is the case, her demands more than likely won’t stop. She might very well continue to demand more and more. And you will have to put your foot down at some point if that is the case. Then starts the fence building.

So be aware. Its a process. And two years into the marriage is just the beginning.

Why did you come here? Otherwise, I applaud you, assuming that you are american, for learning portugese! I have the disks, and have listened to them. So have the pronunciation down. But the verb conjugation is extremely difficult. Portugese is a very difficult language in this respect. Much more difficult than past, present, and future verb forms of english. And then of course its the rote memorization of just the words themselves. So I give you props on taking the time to learn portugese!

Scott, welcome. Your post was a breath of fresh air amidst all these darn Brazilian women stories :)

Yes, I see many traces of your wife (opinionated, no nonsense, economical, fashionista, etc) in myself and other Brazilian women I know.

As for your daughter…like Steve’s wife said, a man with a daughter from his first marriage is sometimes a liability. Easier with stepsons. Girls get jealous, and the wife feels sometimes the husband doesn’t know what do, that is, he does not know how to separate the love for one’s child from the love between a man and a woman. Take for example, the 3 words “I love you”. That is something reserved for romantic love in Brazil. Between a man and woman (or, in the case of a gay couple, between 2 people in love). In the United States, fathers and mothers like to say this to their kids all the time, as if they have to be reassured all the time they are loved! If you tell your daughter you love her and you never say that to your spouse, there will be resentment. I have been in these shoes so I know the feeling. Also, as your daughter grows, she might learn to manipulate you into doing what she wants, and may feel a tiny perverse pleasure in getting betweeen you and your wife. She is trying to establish her position as the main woman in your life. I am sure your wife is very nice to your daughter, and most step-moms are, but it is a very unrewarding job. I would like to say it gets better but as a girl becomes a woman, she will know exactly how to manipulate her Daddy-and how to piss your wife off. Here is what I found about the subject:

“Being a full time counselor and a step-parent, I can empathize with your thoughts and emotions on this subject. The toughest thing next to being a parent is that of being a step-parent.

Stepchild/parent relations is probably the biggest item on my appointment schedule. Questions of where do “I” fit in for the step parent and child is or are the biggest concern(s). Most serious problems between step parent and child occur around the age 12. Ironically, stepson and stepmother relations have very few reported problems. The step mother/daughter is the most contentious, step father/daughter is the second most contentious.

Finding resolution strategies for those I serve in this subject is tough, it requires much work and research. I have questioned psychatric and psysological specialists the world over, from the prestigious to the obscure. And the common answer from all (you might want to sit down for this one, I sure did): is the old Freudian assertion that there is a level of repressed sexuality between the daughter and father. Ergo the very tense subsequent relationships between the stepmother and stepdaughter. And this also translates in the stepdaughter/father relations as well. But I will keep to the stepdaughter/stepmother for this thread.

After hours upon hours of discussions with the various “experts”, I have tried to boil the problems in this very complex relationship to the simplest terms possible. And the solution is to deal with the subject in the most forthright manner possible without any cultural hedges that we all have to deal with in real life.

Cutting through it all. The reason the step daughter has a most contentious relationship with the stepmother is competition of “sexuality.” And while you are taking a deep gasp saying no way, I will explain as upon this shocking thought (it was to me as I dived deeper into this common problem). The best way to get to this is hit facts that are often cliched because most are not comfortable thinking in such terms much less discussing them.

1. Women when they choose their mate in life, most often chooses a man that most resembles their father in terms of character traits, habits, etc. This is why fathers/stepfathers go off the deep end when a young lady starts dating someone that matches this assertion. Who likes looking in a mirror? lol
2. In early life, the parent that a daughter most often seeks approval from is that of the father figure.
3. In pre-teen and teenage years, the father figure is still the one that a young lady will seek approval from (or voiced disapproval), be it attire that attenuates her features of womanhood, sexuality. The problem in this due to the current cultural rules, what man is comfortable saying “gee honey, those tight jeans really bring out your shape?” even when deep down we all know that the thought is entertained. The taboo secret that no-one (not even me) is comfortable with is the psycholically proven fact that a young lady wants her sexuality realized, acknowleged and approved by the father figure in life. So in absence of direct approval and acknowledgement, comments of disapproval are taken for such in the form of portrayed rebellion.
3. No woman likes competition from another woman and can have the tendency to deal with such in the most final of terms.

What does this have to do with the price of tea in china you ask? In all the comments to this story, a common thread of jealousy, competition, and manipulation come into play. A real life “soap opera” of sorts one might correctly assert. It comes down to two women (in their own right) competing for one man’s attention and sole focus. In absence of the biological mother, the stepdaughter automatically (perhaps instinctually) assumes the role of “numero uno” in her father’s life. The result, because the stepmother by the father’s choice is number one in his life is: direct competition, jealousy, and manipulative schemes to unseat the stepmother.

The most effective resolution strategy I have found is bringing about all the issues that none of us , as a society feel, comfortable talking about. As anyother relationship, the stepdaughter/stepmother relationship requires “brutal” honesty of ones thoughts, aspirations, desires in regards to the father/husband. Once those things are (sometimes that is not possible) brought into the open light, usually repairing or establishing the relationship is a domino effect.

I know all this sounds bizarre, alien, etc. But in my experiences in looking for the solution to this agonizing problem, this is the only one I have found that actually works. I hope it helps some of you ”http://www.the loveforum.com

Now, thanks for the nice comments about Brazilian women in general. Like I have insisted here, we come in all shapes and sizes and personalities. It is not one size fits all. And the golddigger thing? Not in my experience.
Cheers!

I really enjoyed this entry and liked that you made sure to add that not everyone is the same. It’s amazing how quickly people generalize after having a negative experience with ONE person from a select culture.

My boyfriend is Brazilian and some of the things that you mentioned are SO true. Luckily, I lived in Brazil for six months and I have studied Portuguese for four years so we haven’t had problems with most of the things that you mentioned as being possibly problematic(other than one time when I jokingly gave him the middle finger and he got extremely mad at me– I learned that lesson quickly!!) One of the things we have done well as an intercultural couple is recognize and accept our cultural differences. We never try to fight them because, frankly, it would be a waste of time!

Have you thought about writing a similar list for American women dating Brazilian men?

I have read so many of the above stories. I dated the same Brazillian girl off and on for three years.I met her through my best friend. He told me she was marriage material. Being 27 @ the time and tired of the night scene I started talking to her. Our 1st date was on my Birthday she took me to a Brazillian steak house. I really enjoyed that day and was so happy. That nite she took meout to a Brazillian nite club. She walked in and left me for 10 minutes by myself at the bar as she made her rounds giving Brazillian men hugs and kisses. I played it cool and confident. The bartender asked me if I could hand these two girls in back of me a drink so I did. 2 seconds later the girl that took me on the date was behind me calling me a piece of shit for buying another woman drinks. I tried to explain but she did not beleive me. I smiled and started dancing with her 2 Brazillian music I have never heard before for 2 hrs straight. She like that. I know she did! As time went onshe became so possesive! I always had to assure her that I like her. She would always say I was looking at another woman when I was not. It came to the point where I didnt want 2 look at any1 in the elevator or the waitress in the eyes when I ordered my food to avoid a fight/argument. I shortely found out that she was not a citizen. I liked her so much I wanted to help her. But I needed time to make sure. She started to put pressure on me stating that she did not have much time and the relationship became stressful. I shortely found out she had Gentail Herpes. I was checked andI did not have it. I never had any stds before and never thought I would date some one that did. But I loved her so much I stayed with her. What make me 2nd guess her was her some what of addiction with cocaine. I caught her at a nite club in a stall with 10 girls doing it. She denied it. I had the feeling that she was stealing clothes from Bloomingdales with her friend that worked there. I even think she tried to give me a stolen gift card but since I worked in Loss Prevention before I did not take it. I also found out that she was with other woman before what was complte shock! I found out that my friends friend was married to her best friend and she divorced him after 2 years put a lien on his house took the mercedes and 90,000!!! Her other best friend took a a guy to the cleaners and was getting $7000 amonth for child support. Three other friends that I knew about were hookers. 1 of them my friend slept with 20 min after seeing her out at a club.

Whats crazy is I still love her so much. So many red flags. I can get a lot of girls that are here no problem but for some reason I am still in love. She leftmeandis never comming back over a stupid issue with a late nite phone call that was really no big deal. She thought it was a booty call and left meonmy front porch. It wasa sad nite,week,month. I have the feeling she will never call me again. But I have to deal with that. I didn’t trust her 100 percent but I wasnt brought up trusting really any1. I wish her the best of luck and hope she finds what shes looking 4. I now understandthem better after reading so much. I wish I would have read this sooner! I loved her a lot! never told her how much.I will neverknowif she really loved me. She left so fast no contact. Did she only want green card?I took to long and she was pressed for time?I dont know. But I miss her tv shows, food and our last x mas… I miss waking up next to her. I miss her shitty lil car. I even miss her yelling at me for no reason. I miss her. But its over and tomorrow I will move on . Its been 3 months with no contact. Good luck! understand them before its 2 late… treat all women good I didnt. I use 2 get mad with the way she thought I was a cheater when I was not.

hey gio a lot of the stuff you are talking (super jealous, possesive, not the cocaine and crazy sutuff) about sounds just like my soon to be ex… they think they can get away with a lot but if you try anything you are a filho da mae cheater… you cannot trust 99% of women here. And before everyone here starts cussing me out ask any BRAZILIAN MAN if you can trust brazilian girls… ask him and he will tell you the same thing. You have to be strong and dont let this girl make you “corno” ask her what that means… she will laugh.

This article has great advice for anyone dating uma brasileira. After living in Brazil over two years and “ficando” with many girls and then dating another and living with her for a year I think that an american man that decides to date a Brazilian girl that has never traveled to the US or lived there for a good amount of time is really asking for trouble. There are just too many problems in the way… the whole thing about class division here in Brazil still makes me nauseated… americans with our strong sense of working hard and liberty and equality just CANNOT get used to this. You cant marry a poor girl because you have NOTHING in common with her.. trust me… but if you marry a rich one she will make you sick by her sense entitlement.
Yes Brazilian women are drop-dead beautiful… above all here in the south of Brazil (now I am sounding like a Brazilian looking down on the nordestinos, see how it rubs off!) but beauty can only carry a relationship so far. Also.. wow, there is a lot of cheating here in Brazil. Guys! if you ever think you can cheat on your brazilian girl and get away with it you are 100% wrong. she WILL find out. And she will go into revenge mode faster than you can imagine. Be careful… One thing I do love about the girls here is that they dont seem to want to compete with men at everything. And yeah… they are really good in bed.

Brasilmagic,
Since I first came across your blog and readers comments over a year ago, I have desperately wanted to add my own personal experiences and to ask your advice.
I have been married nearly 3 years to a Brazilian girl and need to make a decision as to whether I should divorce or not. My experiences may not be quite as extreme as some of the other people here but I really need to seek the advice of a brasiliera (i’m desperate!!)
However, I am so concerned that if I write details of “our life story” she could then discover this blog by accident – just as I did!! And that could screw things up even more !
So what can we do?
If I write something, could you promise to take it off after a short time (say 2 weeks) or alternatively could I send details of “our story” to you by e-mail?
Best wishes
Tim (pseudonym)
e-mail address: clapham.tim@hotmail.co.uk

Hey “Tim”. Maybe you can write about your experience with less detail? Less clues? We would like to know your experience. I will send you my email address if you prefer. Just recently I talked to two Brazilian women who are married to American men. They both would like to leave the marriage. Both men are of Irish descent and have the “pub mentality”. That is, leave the little woman at home and go talk to your buddies. These women complain of neglect and the fact their husbands do not want to spend any time or do anything with them. It is really hard to be in such a marriage. Anyone know men like that? Do American women also complain about absentee husbands? I am sure some do.

Brasilmagic,
Yes, American women do complain of such things. The problem is many men will do a lot to get a wife for the challege that it involves. Once the conquest is over they become bored. Men like those have no idea of what it means to be in a relationship. It reminds me of the craziness of women that fall for the wrong kinda guy and wonder why they get burned. I often wonder why women that go after the “bad boy” instead of the nice guy complain of getting burned. To me it just a matter of time. Men and women both do very illogical things at times. I am a very loving, sweet, nice guy that gets a lot of enjoyment from making my lady happy. I am guilty of trying too hard at times, its ironic I think I don’t present enough of a challenge at times. How do Brazilian ladies see a guy like me?

Comment by John |
May 4, 2010

Let me tell ya John,
If you are the type of guy that never wants to go out with the guys, never needs time alone, does not minding spending endless hours with the in laws, does not mind holding hands 24/7 when out in public, and would NEVER even think about glancing at another women (even in Brazil, where there are beautiful women on every corner) then you are PERFECT for uma brasileira. In fact buddy, you can have mine!
Oh and how would the girls down here see you… well, they would think you are gay first of all because none of the guys down here want to to BE IN A RELATIONSHIP. Brazilian men get suckered into relationships and married. To live in Brazil with all the crazy beautiful oversexed women you would have to be nuts or a complete dumbass (like me) to want to willingly enter in a relationship with a woman that is as jealous, possesive and LOCA as the typical brasileira.
Brasileiras, por favor nao ficam ofendidas mas voces sabem que alem de ser as mulheres mais lindas da planeta voces sao
ciumentas.

Wow I think my bitterness really shined through on that post… Really, I can see how a Brazilian woman would not like like to date a guy from Ireland. The women here are not like American girls, they do not find it cute when we go out with the guys and leave them behind. Here the couples want to be together as much as possible. It has been very hard for me, and I have always felt controlled and “vigiado” (watched). I have been living and working and dating here for a while and I would advise any American man thinking about coming down here to meet a girl to really think twice and to at least really read up and try to understand the culture. Again the advice that Brazilmagic gives really helped me understand a lot. DO NOT ever call your Brazilian girlfriend names like b$#tch or anything like that. Very offensive and she will assume the worst.

I am also learning with you guys. I can see now the cultural differences, and gender differences. I have heard countless American young women say it’s no big deal if their BF goes to a strip club. They have been conditioned to accept it. But Brazilian girls would feel violated if this happened. Very interesting. Good thing: I know some SUCCESSFUL American-Brazilian couples, but the men in these couples are the nice, kind Family guy type.

There are many Brazilian woman that is not a good person, and so american woman, European woman, and so on… This is not a Brazilian woman stereotype, I believe this is a personally type… I’m Brazilian and i have respect to myself and with the others. I really don’t think this is a Brazilian thing… Sorry to hear that… But you could find yourself in the same situation with a american woman or any other nationality….

Comment by Baratti |
September 7, 2011

Honestly? I mean, I’m a highly educated 30 year old 1/2 Brazilian 1/2 Italian woman. My mom is Brazilian and my dad is Italian American. We live in Massachusetts. My parents have been married 35 years! My mom is the best mother and wife. I think that instead of lashing out at Brazilian women, you guys should take a look around and see what really is going on here…Why is this even an issue? Because guys are always looking for brazilin women to fulfill their deepest dreams. They want a perfect submissive wife, who they can bring to the US, teach them to be good americans…etc. Let’s face it, why are you even looking for Brazilian women? I don’t feel bad for those of you who got you heart broken, wallets stolen and dignity shattered! IMHO, you got what you deserved! If you happen to meet a Brazilian woman and fall in love with her, that’s one thing, but, to go to friggin’ websites or to specifically target Brazilian women to date is ridiculous! So, next time you’re complaining about Brazilian women hunting down American men to marry for money or a visa or whathaveya, think about what YOU’re doing which is essentially the same thing…Hunting down beautiful Brazilian women who are exotic, passionate, caring, great sexual partners, and who can be a perfect trophy wife. This guy I dated , wanted to date me and would not take a “no” for an answer…He was ok so I dated him for a couple of months and he would parade me around town introducing me as his BRAZILIAN girlfriend….Now, I’m only ½ Brazilian born and raised in Boston so, I can only imagine how thrilling it would’ve been for him if I was 100% Brazilian w/ an accent…I do speak fluent Portuguese but the only accent I have is a Boston one…My 100% Brazilian cousin who’s gorgeous, came to visit us and guys just gushed over her…This one guy who she went on 3 dates with, wanted to marry her…I see this type of thing ALL the time! It seems to me that American guys are just as desperate to marry Brazilian girls as Brazilian girls are to get a green card! By the way, I married a handsome Italian American man who’s a great husband to me and treats me like the real Brazilian/Italian/American princess that I am and I treat him as you guys probably would dream a Brazilian woman would treat you!

Thanks for your post Lucy. Men can get burned if they date/marry a woman just for lust, forgetting to look for other qualities and things in common. And if they don’t treat them well after the honeymoon and passion phases are over, then of course problems and miscommunication will occur. Nice to see your parents’ example and your own relationship. Congrats. Hmmm, wish I could find a husband like that again….

Being a Brazilian woman raised in America, it was really refreshing to read your article. It is tough marrying the two cultures (for the reasons stated above). On the subject of class in Brazil, you’re completely right. I was raised middle class in Brazil (lived there until the age of 10) with maids, babysitter and driver… On the other hand, my husband, also Brazilian, was raised lower class and doesn’t understand why my parents ‘shielded’ me from reality… which to him means hard work and hard work means you’re humble.. which according to him, I am not. All a matter of perception I guess.

Oh yeah one more thing… most of the stuff you wrote above comes from an European-Brazilian mentality (south of Brazil).. I can tell you that where I come from (Paraná) differs immensely from where my husband is (Minas Gerais) in most of your keypoints… especially in the name-calling, family togetherness, and intimacy aspects.

Can we really lump all women into one category? I don’t think so. There are all kinds of personalities, lifestyle, needs, aspirations on both Brazilian or American women, or any woman from around the world for that matter. To say one one gender from one nationality “sucks” is a huge generalization. There are some commonalities and behaviors that are typical of one society more than another, and that is what I tried to convey here, but each woman is a different individual.

To bad all the negative coments about Brazilian woman!! Now How about come from Brazil and end up married a completely crazy amarican men?? Bealive me that happens!!!bad people are everywhere no matter race or location , so get over if u married a bad Brazilian girl. Accept it was your poor choose just like it was mine to marry this crazy one. Trying to find the positive side of it, for sure date a Brazilian that has been married to a American men before has her citizen ship and knows enghish , it’s no a bad ideia, its definally the best u can get it!
Good luck everyone!
Andrea

Im a african american male who has been in a marriage for 8 years the last 5 have been hell and she aint brazilian. She is American. You have bitches,hoes, sluts, scallywhags, and gold diggers in all cultures. Whats the difference if yoou meet her on the internet or in a place a person is going to be what they truly are regardless. My wife and I might as well be from another culture because thats what it feels like.

Thanks for the info..I will certainly consider that as well. I have lived in other countries as well and I think I would definitely consider Brazilian women…I have a few friends that are married to Brazilian women and have no complaints!

I posted on here about a year ago talking about all the difficulty I had with my Brazilian girlfriend that I was living with. Well, we broke up. But I think I have realized that a lot of the problems were my fault. Here in Brazil it is very important to be affectionate and always show how much you care about your girlfriend and you have to be very committed to her. Many of the girls here feel insecure in relationships because in Brazil there are beautiful women everywhere (really, there are) and there is a lot of cheating that goes on. Also a woman depends more on a man down here for her security so when she it is very natural for her to be afraid and jealous of other women. I regret calling my girlfriend crazy and jealous. My advice to any American man here thinking about dating a Brazilian woman is to go for it. You will never meet a more affectionate, caring and feminine woman! They are the best! But don’t enter into any kind of commitment unless you are really ready to spend ALL your free time with her. They are high-maintenance in terms of love, time and affection. So be ready to hold hands, and cuddle, and forget about poker night with the guys or going out by yourself or something.
I am still here in Brazil and right now I am not dating but when I am truly ready to have a major commitment then I will still choose uma brasileira. I guess once you go Brasileira you never go back!
Best of luck to all!!

I’m shocked by Jay’s and Samuel’s arrogance and ignorance (comment 33). Emanuela, você é muita sábia, menina. Gostei de suas respostas. Jay and Samuel are racists and they have a hate against Catholics. (I’m not Catholic – I’m Protestant, and Brazilian – but what we learn in Brazil is to respect other people’s believes). And if they had learned more about Brazil, they would know that Brazil has had several cultural inputs since Pedro Alvarez Cabral. They would know that Brazil’s cultural tradition comes first from North-East (Bahia) – authors, musicians, etc. And they would know that no men in their right mind would meet women in bars (neither in Brazil or any other country in the world). What did this Jay-guy expect??? They go on and on in their tragic Brazilian experience without any sign of knowledge about Brazil. Read Brazil! It is my advice. Read the history, the geography, the language, the traditions – it is the best way to get know a culture.

I married a Norwegian man and I found out that the best way to get respect from Norwegians was to Read Norway. So I decided to read and learn everything I could about the country. And more I read, more I realized that knowledge is the best weapon against ignorance and stupidity. I’m a nurse. I’m studying gerontology and geriatrics (nursing). Even though I’m a foreigner I’m responsible to correct patient journals at my work, just because I know very well Norwegian and I know how to work with medical computer programs. It was not easy to get respect and consideration. I don’t have very high thoughts of Norwegian men (they are very selfish). But I think sometimes we have to analyze the whole situation and try to find a way to feel comfortable with it. It is very difficult to move to another country and learn a new culture. In my case a complete new language (also the local dialect). But I think that sometimes the foreign man who marries a Brazilian woman (or any other nationality which is not from a rich country) forgets that the woman gives up a lot for him. (It took long time for my husband to realize that) – And if the foreign guy doesn’t understand that – so it’s better he doesn’t marry a Brazilian girl.

I liked Raymond comments (50 and 51). I grew very much in almost 20 years living in Norway. In my opinion I don’t think that women should expect men to pay anything for them in a date. I like to be able to be economic independent. If there are Brazilian women expecting this kind of financial support from their Yankee boyfriends. Get real! I’m proud of my independence and I will not give it up for any cost. Unfortunately some Brazilian women’s behaviors have become a kind of “visit card” to foreign men and their behaviors put a mark in Brazilian women. Just one more thing: Brazil is a Latin country because we speak a Latin language – Portuguese. So we are as Latinos as any other speaking Spanish country in Latin America. And if we go deeper in history – we can say that Italians are the true Latinos.

@Egle Skei. Thanks for your observation. It’s just the reality out there unfortunately. I have lived in Africa and lived also in two European countries over the last 22 years and I see the good, the bad and the ugly of these societies and the breakdown of relationships/marriages, the statistics are shocking and sad. Apart from infidelity , money is the next thing BIG thing that sparks trouble in a lot of relationships/marriages

That’s all just sad.
I’m a black Brazilian woman comming from the “lower class”. It’s just sad to see all the prejudice towards those from “the lower class”.
Anyways, not all Brazilians are the same, think the same, have the same life experience or dreams. A man can start his life in a swamp, but it doesn’t mean necessairily that he’ll die there. The opposite is valid for those who slept in a golden crib.
There are greedy Brazilians in high, middle and lower classes, unfortunatly some foreigners (and Brazilians) end up stuck with one of them.
I don’t believe it’s much different when it comes to the USA. Am I wrong?
So, if you find a mean Brazilian beauty, break up or get a divorce and start the quest for a better soul mate, Brazilian or not.

Men, this article was written by a Brazilian girl. It’s very ideological and dreamy, basically it’s how she would like brazilian woman to be seen as, not actually how they are. Brazilian girls are sex crazy and emotional, and irrational.

For Zeus’ sake! How can you generalize like that? There are sex crazed Brazilians and Brazilians who are not even interested in sex. There are many, but many Brazilian women who are hard workers, studying, in stable relationships, great mothers, etc. What you wrote is a big stereotype and frankly, very disrespectful.

I wish I would have read this article before I married my wife! I enjoyed reading this! Some of the things you mentioned are so true!!! the whole “guys night out”….yeah thats a negative. my wife tells me, if you go out you are taking me! ahhahaha At first I was too American and tried to fight it! I realize that all she wanted was to spend time with me! #16 hits home. You are very true here. Yes the focus is the couple!

I know there are many people who have dated Brazilians and ended up with different stories, but in my case the article is a good reminder of my relationship with my wife. I have meet and talked to many of my wife’s Brazilian friends and they all seem to want the same thing. Happiness.

And a reminder. If you plan on getting married, make sure you know the person before you take that leap.

Mr. Mark your comment is on point! Yes Brazilian women need affection! The good thing is what you give you get back. I am married to a Brazilian women and we have two children and even now it feels like we just started dating. I love it. The jealousy part also follows. That is a tough thing to get under control. With enough communication it is possible cancel that out. forget poker night brother, best tell your friend to bring their wifes too! boa sorte Mark. Im never letting go if my gostosa

I have talked to many latino woman, south american men, mostly well educated and well traveled, and hands down, Brazilian people are defined as very sexual and liberal, meaning that of all countries in the world, Brazilians are defined as being very sexual and promiscous…much more so that other countries….

any comments on this, I have heard that south american woman are very passionate sexual, but none like Brazilian woman, whom have large sex appetites and they do not wait to be married to have sex, rather, brazilian woman have the most sex partners on average prior to marriage….the men do for sure…..

All of the American guys I know who ever got involved with Brazilian women found out too late what a BIG mistake that was. These women typically are gold diggers. They want their men to spend all of their own money while the Brazilian wives, if they do work, send all of their money back home to Brazil where they usually have kids. They often have illegitimate children and children by several different men. They will do anything to get an American man, even if it means stealing another woman’s husband. Steer clear of these women at all costs.

That’s trashy women. They can come from any corner of the world. Certainly not the many Brazilian women I know who are family oriented, hard-working & honest. I guess some guys had a bad experience & made bad decisions (aka used their “other head” to think). Men, stop choosing women just based on looks. And dont believe the propaganda that all Braziluan women are obsessed with sex. It’s the biggest misconception about women from Brazil in the USA.

Skip, we can’t simply generalize some facts as if all Brazilian women (or all Brazilians) were like this. I’m a Brasilian woman and know everything what involves these issues: money, power, desire to be valued and have a better life with the “Amercian Dream”. But that’s not all. If you know many people who had their relationships broken, I can only feel sorry for them. They didn’t do what is right in these situations: know deeply your partner and observe how that person is, their intentions, etc.
One thing I can say: not all of Brasilian women want money. They want someone who will care for them, will love them and their children.

A friend of mine married a Brazilian woman and all she wanted was money and to get papers, which she could never get. Once she broke him financially, he left and found a nice American woman. Most of the Brazilians don’t even bother to learn proper English. In my opinion, they are not worth it. I have yet to even see one attractive enough to date.

It’s funny reading the comments on this post. These dudes simply got gamed. They hung around in the wrong spot and picked up the wrong woman. Namely a piece of doo doo wrapped up in gold foil. They got their world flipped upside down in in the bedroom. And the girls turned them out. I studied Japanese 7 years. I have dated so many Japanese girls I can’t remember all their names and everything these guys complained about. I could tell you a story about a Japanese girl that did the same to some poor unfortunate guy. Some of them were my friends. And let me tell you I didn’t feel much sympathy for the men. What some of these guys wrote is the definition of what prejudice is. You make a couple of tramps out to be everybody. My godbrother is married to a Brazilian women. She is a very beautiful person. She is decent. She is here going to school to better herself. She is not a gold digger in any sense of the word. Maybe these guys should stop saying Brazilian women and start saying Regina, Rosa, or whatever these girls names are that they got mixed up with. The same stuff happens here in New York City every day Colombian women, Russian women, Japanese women, and even American women. Some woman in a short skirt, high heels, and lots of make up who knows how to do some tricks in the bedroom. Her name could be Maria, Svetlana, Atsuko, or Becky. These guys got gamed and that’s it. It’s sad. You’re bitter. I’m sorry for your experience but you shouldn’t make that out to be everybody.

I am aking this question because i was dating a Brazilian man for two years and it has been a struggle – He was very competitive with me -He spent a great deal of time putting me down with the Brazilian community behind my back for no reason at all-

Comment by braden |
February 27, 2011

Hello brasileiros and americans!
I’m half brazilian-italian and half portuguese with a strong brazilian accent that I love.
I went to college for 10 months in the U.S and I felt really sad with what you american guys think of us, proudly brazilian girls.
First of all, my color skin is even lighter than some americans, I’m from a middle-high class, raised with two maids, had ballet classes for several years and I have learned other languages besides english, portuguese and italian, such as french and my favorite one, spanish! I have no religion view, but I believe in God as a kind of energy that makes some things work in the world (not peoples life). I do NOT have a big butt, I dont play soccer very well, I dont dance samba, I dont like to get tan without protection and I am not a sex adiccted! lol Please,
At least in my city, the best schools are catholic and I had a catholic education at school since kindergarten until high school senior year. I have no regrets for that, because I think that most of my human values came from this catholic education and thats ok for me.
So you guys guess what? I’m from the north part! From the state of Pará, located near to the Amazon River and considered by other brazilians as a very poor state.
My time in the U.S (Cornell) was great and I cannot complain about it. I have made a lot of friends and I also have dated an american guy. Everyone for the first contact thought I was everything, but brazilian, and when they found out what I really was, I got some racist reactions. Shame on you, americans!
After some days, those racist people realized that they didn’t know anything about Brazil or about the girls from this country.
About my relationship with this american Jewish guy was very confusing. I thought I was a cold girl when I was in Brazil, but I felt really bad dating with a colder person. We rarely holded hands or anything like that, even with his pride for dating a brazilian girl. I just wanted to feel loved,to hug, cuddle and have a really friend (maybe because sometimes I was homesick) and someone to spend the WHOLE SUNDAY with me. He just couldnt make any oh those things lol ! We broke up a week before I left and we still talking to each other, but just as good friends.
About visa and green card, almost all foreign girls that you met/will meet in bars, clubs or on the internet will would LOVE to have one and in Brazil that couldnt be different. Most of them are always looking for a stable financial situation and SPEND YOUR MONEY. You will always find those kinds of women in every country of the world.
We are very smiling girls, outgoing, kind and we are NOT DESPERATE to get married. We are also very worried about our body shape and some esthetics aspects, and that’s why we have this high number of plastic surgeries. Maybe bc the panic about losing our shapes, we do avoid some greasy american food and prefer something healthier, which I dont think its a problem at all. We love to shower, and in my case, three times a day. We wax, we go to the manicure as much as our free time let us, in general, we are very good mothers, daughters and WIVES beacuse we care a lot about family.
Things are changing in Brazil. Women are getting married later because of their studies and career and many mothers are not raising their daughters to get married anymore. We are pretty focused in having a good job that can afford, at least, for our bills to not be dependent of any husband. About the “guys/girls night out” is changing as well! Some of husbands/wives are letting their partners to go to a decent bar, restaurants or soccer (for guys). It all depends of how ur relationship works.
I have been dating a brazilian guy for 5 years and we have decided TOGETHER to get married when he finishes his PHD degree in law. I have never cheated him and we make a lot of things together. We take our relationship as an incredible friendship with a lot of love and take this as an advice: Marry someone that you know that you can be friend with when the passion goes away or when the sex disappear from your list of priorities.
As you see, if a brazilian woman want to marry you or someone you that u know this soon, take this as very suspicious.

Please, understand that Brazil is a country with a lot of diff. cultures, skin colors and social issues. Try to investigate your future (or not) brazilian partner’s past before getting married. Most of people with family issues are not a good option, so its not a good option people that comes from another relationships and have kids from different guys or women either.
You will have best chances with brazilian people that are in the US for studies or to work. Don’t take the social level as a problem. There are a lot of low classes brazilian chicks that would be great as wives/gfs.
If you want my email contact to talk more about brazilians, please ask! I would love to help.
Anyway, sorry you all for my english, which is not fluent anymore. I havent been praticing much since Ive came back!

thanks Beatriz. I enjoyed reading what you wrote. Thanks for the advice. And don’t worry about your English, I make more grammatical errors than you usually, and I’ve been living in the US all my life :)

Beatriz, your English is great and thank you for giving everyone here the point of view of a Brazilian woman. Your comment about the American guy you dated was interesting. I find it weird that someone “in love” doesn’t want to spend their day off with you too. If you enjoy someone’s company you don’t continuously look for things to do that don’t involve that person. It seems like you found a great guy! Success to you!

Hi beatriz, I read and enjoyed your post. most of the people here have some unfortunate encounters. I am please that yours turn out ok in the end. I was starting to change my mind about taking my vacation in brazil later this year. I would like to communicate via email more about the culture of brazil so once there not to offend anyone. Once again like the post. It was the silver lining in the cloud. .

In a couple days I’m going on a date with a Brazilian woman I’ve been talking to. Thank you for your informative article. I like her, so I want to be able to understand her better. The only qualm I had with your article, was the “going to church and being brainwashed by religion” comment. I respect other people beliefs and don’t push mine on others, but as a Christian I go to church and don’t consider myself brainwashed by anyone. I consider the Christian religion to be intellectual and faith based and while you don’t need to follow my faith, your comment is unnecessary and insulting. Other than that though, I enjoyed your writing. Thank you.

The Christian religion intellectual? Hmm..I can dispute that, but anyhow, atheists are disparaged and insulted continuously. Go to any evangelical church and you’ll see pastors calling atheists deparaved and immoral, etc (of course, they don’t want their sheep to start thinking and leave the congregation). So this is the blog of a non-believer, and I have the right to say what I want about religion, just as religious people do about non-believers. I don’t feel insulted when religious folks state their views and call us immoral, so why should you? As far as I know, this country has freedom of speech Eric.

I read your 17 items above. I was thoroughly impressed. I have started a friendship with a young Brazilian woman in college. She was born in Brazil but moved with her family to the USA. I met her in coed sports. I am an older graduate student.

The unique situation with me as that I am Native American from a reservation. I like my Brazilian friend because she looks part indigenous. She is mostly Portuguese though. I am very happy to have met her.

I tried to take her out not too long ago, but she said she had to visit her family for that weekend. Your description of Brazilian family structure and devotion makes perfect sense. I had surmised that her family focus is important, so I thought I would try and take her out later. Your blog confirms my impression. We did have a lot of fun playing coed sports many times, so the friendship is already legitimate from that.

There is some overlap between Brazilian culture and Native Americans. My indigenous culture is matrilineal. The family name literally goes through the mother, so I can relate to Brazilians on that.

But we are both Catholic and met primarily for that reason. However, I do respect Freedom of Religion. So I do not have a problem with your aetheism. The Catholicism is the primary basis for my relationship with her along with the coed sports.

I’m going to try and go to Mass with her next week for Easter Weekend. I am in love but am keeping it casual and slow. Divorce rates are high in America, and it’s important not to rush into it. She is great though.

Azuser, you seem to be a guy with his head firmly on his shoulders. Everything you wrote reeks of maturity. You are doing the right thing by taking things slowly and getting to know her well. People who rush into marriage sometimes get surprises (there are a few cases where it works out). It seems that you two do have some fundamental things in common. I wish you and her success and a long life filled with love!

Thank you for your kind words. I am sensitive to the expectations of other cultures. I want to learn a few Portuguese phrases to compliment her. But I do not want to say anything that is inappropriate. I would not want to use a phrase that is offensive to Brazilian women. I do not know Portuguese. But I found a video on YouTube that describes common phrases for dating. I like the phrase at the one minute mark for “You are beautiful.” But I don’t know if this video is truly accurate. I also don’t know if that phrase is appropriate for the early stages of a relationship. Perhaps it is best suited for married couples who are deep in the “serious” stage as opposed to those early in a relationship. I really do love her though. But I prefer to start casual. However, I thought it would be fun to learn a few Portuguese phrases to nurture our current friendship. What do you think of this video? I like the phrase at the one minute mark for “You are beautiful.” But is it offensive to Brazilian women? I don’t want to inadvertently say something rude. I love her. She is so beautiful.

That video is so cute. Like Vicky said, it’s for European Portuguese, so for example for “I love you”, say ‘Te amo” instead of “Amo-te”. The “you are beautiful” is perfect. Just be careful with the “I want to make love to you” too early! Now, the easy part is saying those things when the romance is new. The hard part is saying those things after many years of marriage. Many men say it in the throes of early love, the woman gets hooked on it, then the guy suddenly stops (after the sex is no longer new), and leaves the woman craving that kind of attention. No wonder many women complain the guy “changed” or is not romantic anymore. So guys, keep saying it. But like salt & pepper, use sparingly! If if you say it all the time it seems shallow & robotic.

Comment by Brasilmagic |
April 17, 2011

Thank you for the guidance on the video translations. I understand the additional advice on keeping the romance alive and the problem in marriages where the initial romance fades after many years for some couples. I work with a guy who used to be a marital therapist. He made it clear that many marriages fail and that to him the 12 year mark is the true test of commitment and passion. So I’m not rushing into it.

I am actually much older from Generation X and never rushed into marriage because of the fear of divorce. I have many friends and relatives who rushed into it and had problems. So I am very careful and selective. My Brazilian friend is much younger from Generation Y, but I run marathons and still play campus sports. So we got along great in athletic coed events for a Catholic team. I am working on a dissertation and getting ready for finals. But underneath I am in love and feel like I am “up in the clouds” as I walk around campus doing errands. I didn’t think it would come to this when I decided to play campus sports on a coed team but it did – a pleasant surprise.

It is so sweet of you to try to learn some Portuguese, she will surely appreciate that. You can use the phrases on the video you linked bellow. Although those are more Portuguese from Portugal the differences are minimal. For future searches, go for Brazilian Portuguese, as in other subjects the difference in vocabulary can be confusing (think of American English and British English).
Good luck with your girl.

I’m a Brazilian, 39, married to an American guy, 48. My dream was always to live in Europe, in London, which I did by myself. Being of Italian family I could live in Europe without any problems, so I stayed for 9 years, planning to be there forever. Four years ago I met my husband over the internet and I was the first one to travel to New Mexico to meet him. After that he traveled to London and stayed with me for 2 months. We decided to get married and live in London, and so we did. His father got seriously ill and I totally supported him into moving back to New Mexico. I left behind a great flat and a great job and don’t regret. My husband is far from being rich, but he has to maintain me until I get the Green Card. We live very modestly and I couldn’t be happier, he is all I always wanted from a man: he doesn’t like sports, he doesn’t like tv and he doesn’t go on boys’ nights. He is a family man of impeccable character, very respectful, caring and loving. I think I won the marriage lottery. From what I’ve been reading here there might be something wrong with me as I’m the one who enjoys time alone and I’m always telling him to spend more time with his friends. LOL That might be a reflex of so many years alone in London. We have been married for 2 years and 6 months.
All I can say is that my husband is my only American dream (although in my dreams he should have been English, anyway…). I never wanted to come to the US even as a tourist, and New Mexico certainly is far from my ideal of civilization. Maybe because NM is A LOT like Brazil, with everything that made me want to leave it in the first place. I hate the local food, but have met lots of nice people. Nothing too bad, I can cook myself and I love being in charge of our house. We have lots in common, he is a great partner, friend and lover. We expect same things in life, we share our plans, and we married when we both were mature enough to not get into some hopeless adventure. I couldn’t be happier. And I wish you all to find the same.
Cultural differences exist, but the hardest part is to distinguish what is cultural from what is a negative character trait.

Vicky, so nice to hear your success story! If one starts reading your comment, you’d think “oh no, she left sophisticated London for NM, it will be like the David Goldman story”, but surprisingly, yours is a true story of love and that international relationships can work. You chose a good man, and this is what I’m trying to tell the guys who had bad experiences with Brazilian women: it’s not the fact she is Brazilian, but the fact you did not choose a good & mature person. You ignored red flags, got married too quickly or married her just for her looks or sexy body. It usually backfires, right? Vicky, you seem to trust your husband completely (and the fact he’s quite older than you may help-You dont feel so threatened) and as you said, you were used to living on your own. Which reminds me that one of the reasons some men have trouble with Brazilian women too is that they left Mom & Dad’s house directly for marriage, never having had a chance to fend for themselves or be independent. Good luck with your green card & hope you have a productive life in NM!

Brasilmagic,
I have to spend a lot of time in immigration foruns as I’m doing my paperwork myself, no lawyers involved. So I bump into all sorts of different people talking about their experiences. One of the most common thing I see are women who can’t speak English, met some guy on the internet, talk to them via Google Translate, never met in person, never traveled abroad, don’t even have a passport, and say they met the “man of their lives”, true love. Seriously? What are they thinking, both men and women? How can anyone in his right mind believe that something like that can work out successfully? Many times they come back to say that are getting a divorce, that US is a horrible cold place, that they’ve been abused, beaten, left without food, they never want to leave Brazil again, etc. Sad, but common.
Education was always very important to me and my family. I went to the best schools, graduated in a Federal University in Brasil, had post-grad courses abroad, speak a few languages, so my man would have to be at least on the same level as me. Someone that could understand that my books are an extension of myself. It’s not by chance that my husband has an MBA. We share the same values. We come from different cultures, but with very similar backgrounds: middle-class, hard-working, education comes first, religious families. My husband won me over completely when he asked me if I would come with him to NM so he could take care of his father. I am so proud of him for that. His love and commitment with his father is exactly what I expected from the man I love. And better, he ASKED if I wanted to come. If I had said no, we would have stayed in London. But I said yes, because to me this was the right thing to do.
Was it all easy? NOOO! Was I happy leaving the place I chose to live all my life in? Of course not, not a 100% for sure. My husband had the opportunity to see the LATINA LOCA in me more often than I would like him too – and I’m not proud of that, but that’s me, we all react to changes in different ways. We also were recently married, adjustment times and we had a bigger picture in mind. It takes a lot to build a solid marriage, and a great part of that is compromising – from both sides. London will be always there if we want to go back, but that man took me 36 years to find and he is very precious to me, I’ll go wherever he wants to, and he would do the same for me. Also, he loves my mother.

Bottom line, Americans and Brazilians are different, yes, but it is possible to make it work. You need to try to find some similarities in the middle of those differences. If you marry someone for being “exotic” maybe you would be better suited to the zoo.

That’s very interesting that you are in New Mexico. First of all, thank you for your response on the video I posted in my thread above. As for NM, I think your location is interesting because I am Native American with roots in the southwest. I went to HS in NM long ago. I am very familiar with the Rio Grande, Sandia Crest, La Luz Trail, Cottonwood Mall, Coronado Mall, I-40/I-25, Gallup, Zuni, Jemez, Grants, Thoreau, Isleta, Pojaque, etc. NM is one of the few places in the USA where there are still Native American reservations.

One of the reasons I fell hard for my Brazilian friend is because she does look part Native American. She is mostly Portuguese, but I can see the partial indigenous heritage, which I know is common in South America. My Brazilian friend could pass for a person who is part Spanish and part Pueblo Indian from places like Isleta Pueblo or Pojaque Pueblo or Cochiti Pueblo. Many people along the Rio Grande are mixed with Spanish and Native American heritage. Catholicism is also common in NM, which I know is similar to Brazil.

I am a Native American mountain runner from the area. If you look at HS sports in the Four Corners Region, basketball and cross country are very popular. I like to hike up Sandia Peak when I go back. My Brazilian friend and I met through campus sports. She excelled in HS volleyball but tries other sports too.

Dear azuser4, indeed I live in Albuquerque, very close to Isleta. NM is a perfect place for outdoor sports and in my town there are bike trails all over. Many times my husband take a bike to go work, and leave the car in the garage – and he works across town. I love go hiking through those parks we have here, and I’m learning to love ski and snowshoeing.
My father-in-law used to prepare us some fry bread, which I eat with butter and herbs (no sugar and honey for me), but I can’t get used to all the chili people eat over here. So I cook for us most of the time and my hubby has his chili to the side.

I bet your Brazilian friend comes from a great mixture of races that would be even difficult to trace. Portuguese yes, but also native indians, spanish, africans and more, as everyone else in Brazil. I like studying genealogy (no, I’m not mormom!)so I know I have roots in Portugal, Italy, Spain, Switzerland. While living in Italy and studying my family tree I even learned that my great-grand-father’s mother was the daughter of an Italian woman with an Austrian soldier. And in Brazil, my grandmothers’ mother was the daughter of a native indian and a Portuguese man. That mixture is what make us Brazilians.
Be nice to her, and good luck.

I used to run five miles every day in Santa Fe when I played high school basketball. I loved running through the adobes. I now live in the southeastern USA. My Brazilian friend is in college here where I work on a dissertation. She is a young undergraduate. This 1980s video was made at Taos Pueblo.

Yes, I am taller and athletic. I am built like a college football linebacker from America. My Brazilian friend is taller too. She excelled in high school volleyball in America. The Brazilian women in this volleyball video remind me of my friend who is taller and athletic but very feminine and beautiful. She is like a “Bond” girl from South America. I know in the “James Bond” films they like to showcase women from different countries who are intelligent, athletic, and feminine with extreme beauty. My friend could represent Brazil in my opinion. She is so beautiful. The women in this video won the Olympic Gold Medal in volleyball for Brazil in 2008.

I met a Girl from SAN PAULO on line and she is 34 and lived in Royal Palms Florida. I am 56 and she as far as I know has done modeling in the U.s. and she went to school in the UK but did not finish. She sent me pictures of her modeling in France and she has sent pictures of her today.She acts like she is scared to let me hear from her every day and always wants to know what I have been doing. She says that she had two bad relationships with two different men that were actually her age while she was young. She always is telling me that sex is important part of a couple and great kissing and being happy and that she is very loyal and thought she would never meet any one. she is very pretty , but she lets me know she can take care of her self even if she has to do with out. She runs a small restaurant and I know she works some crazy hours. I have traveled all of my life and still do. I have always been fascinated by Brazilian women and how pretty their skin is. I was just wondering should I just show up in Florida unannounced or would that probably not be a good idea. I am looking forward to meeting her but I have always had all the wemon I wanted but I have been divorced twice and I am looking at this girl because I like younger wemon and always thought younger wemon from Brazil would probably be more loyal to some one 20 years older than them. I would just like an opinion on it.

Charles, it’s São Paulo (San is Spanish, Brazil speaks Portuguese). Anyway, you are 56 years old. She is only 34, from a completely different generation. All the things she is saying to you is to keep you panting for her “I was a model”, “I like kissing and sex”…the right things to say if you want a man to lose his mind and his judgment…Please Charles, open your eyes. You are falling fast for her lies. If she has a successful restaurant and is so pretty, why on earth would she want a man who is old enough to be her father? The story line about “had 2 bad experiences with younger men” are to make you feel good about yourself. Don’t you see she is looking for someone to pay her way? There are always fools out there, but old fools are the worst. Why do you have this obsession with younger women? Don’t you know there are women in their 50’s who look very good and wouldn’t cheat on you or want you for your money? (actually, women in their 50s who take care of themselves can look better than a 30 something slob). Or do you look for younger women because you think you can control them (you can’t)?
Just be careful. Everything this woman said is to hook you through sex. She wants something from you, and it’s not love. Keep us posted.

PS: A lot of American men get conned by Asian and Russian women who want a green card/access to the USA. These marriages rarely work. It’s just better to look for compatibility in a mate, someone with similar interests, than sex and looks only. Men always regret it later when they choose a companion exclusively for sex and looks.

what are the ramifications of calling a brazilian woman a puta (i kinda allready found that one out) and how do i go about getting forgiveness. I find a big difference in having an american woman pissed off at you and a brazilian woman. Not good.

You entered a no-go zone. You’d better say you don’t understand the language very well and you had no idea of what does that really meant. One thing is the dictionary meaning, another very different is the impact the word causes when it is said. But her understanding of this also refers to her knowledge of other languages.
I got into this trouble with my husband, even though my English is not too bad and I lived for 9 years in London, but usage of certain words have different impact in England and in the US. Although I said things that are harmless in British culture, they are not in the US. And it took a while for my husband to be convinced of that (and I still think not 100%), as he has no knowledge of another language other than English.

Vicky your feedback is very helpful for us men. That was why I posted that Portuguese video. I didn’t know if the phrases are appropriate – particurly the one I want to use at Easter Mass tomorrow. She is Catholic like me. The phrase is “voce e linda.” :)

You all are probably curious. My friend is taking final exams this week, so I didn’t get to see her yesterday at Mass. I’ll wait until later to try the “voce e linda” phrase. I’m keeping it casual for now though. Divorce rates are high, and I’d rather get the bulk of the dissertation out-of-the-way before getting serious. She is awesome though. I did tell her she’s beautiful in English. That was fun!

Thanks, especially for the smiley face, i will need it. I have known this woman for about 2 years.I guess i already knew what to expect. You confirmed it and if anyone is wondering, yes she is worth it.

is funny how some men here are telling they sad stories with brazilian women..the coincidence is: all they married POOR brazilian women ( specially from north) no prejudice, but im brazilian and what i see is: brazilian women who are very poor and have a poor family grow up learning that they have to find a rich husband to get money and help the family,i would advice to stay away from poor women! these usually dont want to grow up by themselves,middle class women are better educated about men and about getting successful by themselves

I’m sorry but some of those comments up above are totally wrong! married men go out VERY often at night, often staying out ALL night and will not think twice about flirting (and often going much further than that) with other women. I lived in Brazil for over 20 years and know what I’m talking about. Plus Brazilian women in general don’t think twice about flirting with married men, they even prefer it and any man is game if he has money or is even marginally attractive. And I’m not talking about the hookers only. Also, some white people do look down on blacks but there’s also reverse racism in the poorer bairros where white people are hated. It depends on the point of view. Brazilian women are totally obsessed with looks and do NOT like other women. Attractive females have a very hard time of it as women are really spiteful.

You say you lived in Brazil???? Either you are making this up, or you were a pimp. No man in my family or friends of mine ever stay out all night without their wives. You certainly come from a very promiscuous environment and never related to people from good families.

well I was brought up properly, and I don’t lie unlike many people I met over there! In fact in developed countries calling people a lier is considered very rude, but you obviously don’t realize that… I moved to Brazil with my parents at the age of 15, studied in Brazilian and American schools and just moved back to Europe recently. And honey, I wouldn’t go around calling people liers even if it is acceptable over there. I certainly never met a pimp in my life, but I did see plenty of prostitutes (I lived both in Sao Paulo and in Itapecerica.) All you have to do is to visit any bar in the evening and see how many men of married age are hanging around drinking and flirting… kind of proves my point don’t you think? Having lived in the country for over 20 years I think qualifies me to voice my opinion over here (and not to have people answer in such a rude way either!). I just expected people to be respectful and unfortunately, (and I met lots of people of ALL classes in Brazil), can safely say that as a majority, there’s a major problem there with lack of respect for other people. Which is probably why you do see so many women complaining about their husbands, men having affairs etc. don’t take my word for it! look at the statistics…

Comment by nic shellard |
May 31, 2011

I think you are basing yourself in your personal experience. I believe you met oeople like that, but it’s not common. The women I knew in Brazil during decades did not go after married men, and married men were home with their kids & wives. Obviously there are unfaithful people in every culture.

That really makes me angry, men travel to Brazil to go after prostitutes and then talk about Brazilian women as if we were all the same. None of those gringos are interested in girls from nice families and good background, the majority go after people from favelas, with big asses, who can work for them as maids, and for free, and then complain that they are not good people.

oh and just another quick note here… I left Brazil for many reasons, one being that I was on my own with a 15 year old daughter and was broken into 4 times in just one month… bit stiff that don’t you think? and no, I wasn’t living in the favelas or in a poor area, I was living plonk in the middle of town (Embu das Artes) in a very respectable house. Believe me, I know what I’m talking about… ah and to add to that, my brother-in-law was killed a couple of years ago.. so miss (mrs?) Vicky, please don’t go around calling people what was it? pimp? without actually knowing what and who you’re dealing with..

Well, according to the dictionary, lier is the person who says lies. And that’s exactly what you did so, what is your point? It is not only a lie but rude to say that an entire country is made of prostitutes. Those exist in every country in the world – including yours -, but that certainly doesn’t make all women the same, ok? So, mind your words, or didn’t your parents teach you to respect others? And if you said those lies based in assumptions (just because people looked like being at married age?) this is even worse, because you are not only a lier but also a calumniator.

As for the so called “developed countries” I was shocked to see how promiscuous people are in them, when many times I had to leave parties or clubs because people were behaving so badly that it was not a place for me to be. And that never happened in Brazil, where I was born and lived for 30 years. Yet, I don’t think all people in those places are like that because I did met many who are not promiscuous, but very respectable indeed – like the ones on my relations back in Brazil.

Europe is mostly safe even in big cities, and I certainly don’t find as safe here in the US, there is a lot of crime here too. In my town I have many neighbors who have been broken into several times. And I am not speculating, I know it for a fact, even living in a very respectable and upscale neighborhood.

I can see you learn “useful” behaviour in Brazil too “Do you know who are you talking to?”, right? I could say the same to you but I’m not wasting any more of my time with useless discussion. I just don’t understand what the killing of your brother-in-law has to do with anything. Was he killed by his wife or by the husband of the woman he was having an affair with? I’m sorry for your loss. I read stories like that all the time on the newspaper too. Here in the US.

Not in 2011 Stan. In the past, let’s say up to the 1950’s, a lot of women (including other countries) would wait until being married to have sex. With the invention of the pill and women’s lib it was ok for women to have sex just like men did. So in Brazil women have sex with their boyfriends, some earlier, some later. Some are promiscuous, some are not. But generally speaking, there’s still a Catholic moral that some women raised with more traditional values still follow, so they may not sleep around as much as their American or Swedish counterparts, let’s say.

Dalila, excelente post! Muito muito bom. I wish everyone here could understand Dalila’s post. Basically she says that all relationships are hard, that there are bad men and women in every culture, and that the men who blame some Brazilian women they had a bad experience with should look inward and see that they were over 15 and should have been able to see warning signs about these women early on.

In fact there are bad men and women in every culture, anyway i´ve known too much guys in troubles after a relationship with Brazilian Women, even when they are treated like queens. Most of them appear as fairies but later transform your life into a nightmare. Too many cases to be considered coincidences with brazilian women involved.
I had several relations with brazilian women, each one from different cultural levels. I got a lot of headaches and the last one from whom i´ve a daughter was a big nightmare.

The only positive side i´ve found is that in a casual relationship are very easy going. You don´t need too much seduction games. They even adress you and take the initiative. The problem is later when you realize that you are getting involved with several women at same time and i´m not writing about prostitutes.

Mostly are extremly exhibitionists, lazy, very possessive without no sense of morality and culturally empty minds.

Another post generalizing one experience into millions of women in one enormous nation. Please. While there are some national and cultural characteristics, Brazil is made up of people of different ethnicities and backgrounds. Lazy? Millions of poor Brazilian women busted their asses working long hours while taking care of their families. The women I know have full time jobs and children, are responsible and serious. Again, if you meet a bimbo of any culture in a bar and expect to mold her into the perfect housewife, you will be disappointed. Try meeting one of the many intelligent and educated Brazilian women I know. You will have a very different experience.

I´ve spent a lot of time in Brasil ( S.Paulo, Rio, Curitiba) country from where i´ve parents, friends a daughter ( finally living here in Italy) and my own flat in S.Paulo.
I fully agree with several points explained by Nic Shellard but some brazilians friends teached me that is very difficult to discuss some sensitive issues with many of them. If you don´t agree then the answers will be insults .
There are no excuses. Many Brazilians have a bipolar behavior and lose patience for anything. When they live inside criticize the country when outside Brasil is the paradise.
The earth is round but for many brazilians it is square and nothing against to convince them .
Statistics…? Doesn´t matter as well despite all social subjects well explained through their own IBGE

Regarding brazilian women the problem isn´t when you meet her but when you open your house to live together.
There is a lot myths about brazilian women. They are the most beautiful, affectionate, and more bluff from Brasil…anyway they are the more jealous, problematic, poorly polite I ever met. My ex italian wife is very beautiful and i had a lot of problems with the brazilian mother of my little daughter when she was living here. Although never knew my ex personally she spent time to discover phone nº and lead to a distressing situation.
So there are beautiful brazilian women but ugly as well.
Same as any other country anyway. A good quality of brazilian women? Yes are very easy for casual meetings.
If you have enough money to waste then a brazilian woman shall be a good helper. They like spend fortunes in minutes buying junk or beauty treatments.

Seems obvious that in a country with 200 millions citizens there are many positive exceptions, however i´ve a brazilian friend who says : Giovanni brazilians can only be happy in Brasil and not in more organized cultures.

I am really in shocked reading your post. I am sorry if you had had a such bad experience with the Brazilians. It looks like you have met the uneducated ones only.. Most of Brazilians living abroad are here to study, looking for better opportunities..The ones looking for better opportunities are majority work class women, and of course you will have a hard time to understand their priority. They have a simple mind set. Make money, find a better way of life..I can tell you have not had met someone who can talk to you about our culture to the point you can understand. Any women in any country coming from any culture having poor background will offer problems… BTW, you friend`s comment makes sense if you are dealing in uneducated people only. Another thing, yes we have social problems, violence, a disorganized society, but we are happy..We belong to a culture that care about hygienic, family and we are learning to fight for our own rights.. After the militarism coup in 1964..living all this year without democracy..afraid of expressing ideas, being oppressed.finally in 1985 we had started our democracy..we are still building our country..we are learning to value education lately..more and more people are attending Colleges..We will get organized one day.. and I hope we won`t be a nation full of stupidities..racism..stereotypes…

I didn´t generalize even inspired by my own experience.Otherwise i´ve a lot of friends in Brasil whose are not included in these profiles.

The problem is that in some matters brazilians never admit the reality or face it . If we touch in sensitive subjects like prostitution for example, is considered prejudiced or generalization.

In Europe for example male and female prostitution is dominated by professionals from Brasil. Here everybody knows.

If all statistics records mention this reality envolving a specific group, then this is the true and not generalization.
Otherwise i´m not telling that all brazilian women ( inside or outside) are lazy, prostitutes or something else moreover in S.Paulo i´ve heard so many times that kind of adjectivation concerning women from North and Northeast from Brasil.

Then the ” less polite image” about brazilien women was created by the Brazilian themselves. In this case yes we may call descrimination and generalization…and that´s all from my side…!

I have a Jewish friend (male) who has gotten involved with a woman from Brazil. She lived in the USA 20 yrs. ago but has since lived in her Native Country. My friend is 61 yrs. old and the woman is in her 50’s. She came to the US and spent 16 days with my friend. They had a wonderful time together and made an aggrement that she will move here in the fall and they will live together and see how things go on a day to day basis. He still wants to remain friends with me “Movie Buddy” . I really don’t think that this relationship will work out .He is not financially secure at this time. He has been trying to get a job since March 2011 as he lost his job in March. She is leaving her entire family, son, etc.to come here to be with him. She does not have a job yet here in the US. As I said I don’t think that this arrangement will work out. I could be wrong but I really feel that he is making a big mistake. Please any advice would be appreciated. I am just trying to understand his reasoning. She is an educated woman …Teacher in Brazil.

I had came to this site to learn why Brazilian girls at age 14 get married to older Brazilian men. I had did ask one of my staff who’s from Brazil and his answer was for “money”. I had recently came across one of these type of women who’s now 40. I met her in all places at Walmart in the Auto department. She had came up to me asking her how to find a car battery for 2002 Honda Accord. At the time I didn’t think much of it. She looked clueless like she didn’t know how to find which better she needed. I had asked her how come your husband not her to help you? She said she had no husband and wasn’t married in fact shes said she never had been married and had never had kids.

Okay so I had moved on so you have no husband and no boy friend. She said no none. Also I had asked her don’t you have family here? She said no they weren’t here only in Brazil! Some how I had found myself helping her with her broken English and the Walmart associate that was in hunting department. He was telling her to drive 20 minutes to a Walmart Super Center. But she couldn’t understand him but she could understand me. At first I had thought she could under stand Spanish but she could she said. She could understand my English. To me the whole time was odd around her. She use my shopping cart and had placed the battery for her car into my shopping cart. I was at Walmart to pick up a HDTV I had ordered. Which I never did, because somehow I got it into my head this women needed my help!

Before I knew it I was at her car opening up her hood and to look at the battery. She told me she already had to jump start it and had the cables in the car and a wrench. That’s odd.. I told her you have a SEARS die-hard gold battery and should get one for free since yours was installed 3/10. She was happy. She did asked me could you drive me to SEARS because she didn’t know how to get there from here. She would pay me. I had told her no you didn’t have to do that! I don’t know why I did it, but I got into her 2002 Honda Accord which by-the-way looked new and it was cleaned in and out. She said only had the car for 1 year she paid for it in full so she didn’t have to owe on it. She said something like $7,000 cash. I said okay.. She likes to tell me all about herself how she has a green card good for 2020. She in school for her career and also to learn English better.

I didn’t know what was going on, I was taken by surprise with her and in the effect, I drove us in circles, not on purpose but I just lost my bearings. Soon we had arrived at SEARS. Doing that driving time I have learned she has saved $20,000 from Cleaning homes and taking care of elderly women. Even shown me a card where she is now. She also told me she needs $60,000 to buy her own condo. She wants her own stove, microwave, dishwasher, washer/dryer. Takes these items one at a time. She didn’t like to rush it. Okay this is what she told me while we were waiting for her car to be check out. Which had taken 30 mins.

She seems nice, she wasn’t a drinker or smoker and she goes out with friends that she met down here where she had help out then they because friends. She told me I was her new friend too. Wow! This is moving too fast for me I don’t even know her. Just met her that day over a car battery. She was dress in hospital orderly uniform she said she was a nurse. I had said are you RN, she said no. She must have been a NA Nurses Aid which make more sense.

She has a very thick accent at times it was hard to understand, but the type of work I do is for corporations and I work around all different accents so I can get the Jess of what she is trying to say. Her cell phone did go off and she told me to Shh! She told the person on the phone she was getting the battery at SEAR though she was going to be gone 1 hour but it has taken longer. This was the elderly person she was taking care of.

When her car was ready the guys at SEARS thought I was her BF, well that might have seem that way but I was there to just help her out. The bill was $139 and I had asked her if she had the money for this work? She said yes? We already know she has $20,000 in the bank using her debit visa card. I wasn’t going to pay for anything I don’t even know her that well plus she has money.

I was telling her that you have 3 years on the battery and if it fails in the 1, 2, 3r year they will give you a new one. After they they will pro rate it. She seems to understand that. Anyway she wanted my phone and address. I had gave it to her actually wrote on the bill receipt from SEARS. I also mentioned that my Birthday was in a few days. She wanted to repay me, So I had asked her could you cook? She said she can cook anything? Can you bake a cake she said yes? She said she would do something on my Birthday. She kept on asking me when I was born at time of the day. Which is pretty interesting as I do follow that myself

Just have see if she does show up but I am not depending on that though. As you well soon learn out why.. I was near my home I decided to show here where I live. I told her I own my home. When I got near my home there was a package outside. I had to bring it into the house. She wanted to come in. My house doesn’t anything inside of it just boxes. I had told her I was moving back into it. She wanted to know if I would be here for good. Seems to be asking that a lot. I told her yes. I have dog in the house he was barking at her and jump on her she was so scared. But he’s friendly I told her.

Anyway we were off and back on the road. She then told me she also lived nearby me. Wow! She’s only 5 minutes from. She told me to drive to her place. But funny we never made it there just drove by it. She said another time. Before this she told me this tale that if I knew that Brasilia girls at 14 of age get married to older men. And that what she did. She was married for 30 plus years and she was traumatized over it! So she didn’t want to get married again nor have any type of relationship with any man in other words no boy friend. All she wanted to do is work and send money to her sick mom back in Brazil. She also said she had two sons in their 20’s. But neither are here in the US, but will be coming out next year.

Now didn’t she tell me she was never married why tell me this now? From this point it felt odd, when I got back to Walmart she wanted to see what type of vehicle I was driving. I told her what I was driving. I don’t play around. But I told her I was driving to the front of the store as I was there to pick-up the HDTV. So I drove up to the front. Got out and gave her back her keys. She wanted to do a high-five but I just said just shake on it friend. I didn’t even looked back just worked into the store and left her in her car driver seat.

Never heard from her again.. I don’t think I will? And after reading the above from everyone I don’t think I would bother with her. She wasn’t too honest with her past until later at the end. Being traumatized is a red flag what else is she not telling me?

Unfortunately, a lot of people lie about their lives to strangers, or omit embarrassing stories. There are many women like her who came to the US to clean houses, make some money and go back. 14 year old girls marrying old men nowadays? Maybe the very poor girls, but not something you’ll see at this day & age! If you like her, YOU should call her, but don’t get played. Listen & pay attention to inconsistent stories. It pays to be wise, in every new relationship (man, woman, different nationalities).

Thanks for the info above this was my very first time dealing with Brazilian women. Oh I do pay attention, but she’s very clever in the way she acted around me! But at the end the truth comes out.. It’s shame they play games like this. But I won’t call her though and if she shows up on my Birthday as she said she would with food she would have cooked! It would be very interesting how that plays out? I feel right now she won’t be showing up or calling or sending me a text. But to give me so much info about herself and about her mom who was sick and had operation so she was taking care of her bills with the money she sent her. She’s not going back to Brazil because of the abusive ex husband is there. She even told me she has SONY VIVO and web cam and sent one back to Brazil so she and her mom could talk and see each other. Funny the time I was with her at SEAR walking around in the major appliance department was nice though she had listen to everything I had said and commented on it. She comes from a huge family of 9 as she’s the youngest. Most of them are in their 40’s and 50’s now. As for me my family is smaller but in all no harm was done just the lies I don’t like and no man should be told lies like that at the end if it was true or not? I was nice to help her out and go beyond the call of duty to help a damsel in distress!

Comment by coolhead |
September 4, 2011

Let me say one thing I did text her but never go an answer back. She must have seen the text. So I had re-sign it again unless the number she gave me was land-line and not her cell phone. Oh well she might not have known the number. Well she did say she had live on a farm, so don’t know if that means she comes from a poor side or not. I think all she wants from me is to clean my house and that’s about it to make money from me. Don’t think you can get anything else in a way of date with her. She seems more focus on cleaning homes and taking care of loaded elderly women. I’ll never forget that huge white hand bag she carries around with her. At lease I am honest and she trusted me with that open bag in the car. I don’t know if she was testing me or just trusted me. It was odd few hours with her.
1 more day and it’s my Birthday.. Well she come here or not? The odds say not! Then again with her you never know..

Cool, are you also a foreigner? It seems to be you are not fluent in English. Apparently there was a whole misunderstanding in terms of what your and her intentions are. Call her up and ask her out to get to know her better, instead of second guessing. That is, if she caused such an impression on you. If she ignores you, move on to more responsive women. Let us know what happens!

No I am not a foreigner. I did call her up yesterday evening! And you were right that I should have called her. Looks like she was happy that I had called. She was also with the flu too. I was sad for her and told her I hope she gets better. it was interesting call, but I was glad I did call her to know what’s going on with her.She told me she got sick over the weekend. We been having a lot of heavy down pours and the temp has be going up and down. Well she won’t be coming over today as she is being sick and all. She started to sing Happy Birthday to me over the phone but her cold and accent was thick got in the way, but it was nice that she did that though! She did say she will call me back when she feels better. As for going out we did talk about that on the day we had met and became friends. Yes I’ll let you know what happens next!

Comment by coolheadal |
September 7, 2011

Just wanted to add she did call me back on my cell phone also… I was checking my messages and found a message from her telling me she was sick and would call me when she was better. I like how she called me “baby” I thought that was cute. Smile

Today I had found out she has FB post. So I was able to learn more about what she does after cleaning and taking care of the elderly. But it was interesting to read she was seeking men as friends and she also said she was a very happy person to be with always happy. She loves to dance too and very romantic too! There were only two friends at the time she posted it. Lots of pictures of her in Brazil and here. Anyway I had text her this evening just to see how she was feeling? She text me back quickly! She said fine and how were you? So I had decided to give her a call and talk things over. Well it seems only Monday through Thursday she’s at her apartment. But when the weekend comes like Friday night, Saturday and Sunday she’s off with her friends, meaning she’s in their city for the weekend. Every weekend a different city she’s at to stay. She told me she has a lot of friends and things to do! The pictures on FB shows she’s hanging out at clubs, bars and just having a fun time.

We only talk a bit though she told me she would call me tomorrow 9/10. To me she seems too busy and out with her friends having a good time. Almost sounds like she out and about or she comes and goes as she pleases. No time for anyone else to get to know her? What do you think?

Did some digging and found to aliases on her. She did give me a full real name as I did mention prior. But I have found some odd behavior photos of her online. So the way I had seen her as a quite women nice and friendly.

I like dance Salsa, merengue && bachata, forro, && lambada too. I like to dance. To make friends I am a romantic person and very sweet . My philosophy of life i always do the best for me without wanting anything in return. This makes my life happy.

I like dance Salsa, merengue && bachata, forro, && lambada too. I like to dance. To make friends I am a romantic person and very sweet . My philosophy of life i always do the best for me without wanting anything in return. This makes my life happy. I am a Happy person. Happy with life. I like excercising and taking care of my health and my body

The second alias online is a flirt type with a sexy pose also a dress to kill type with those high heels to attract men online.

Translation to English.. I had asked one my my Brazilian Staff members to help me out.
I AM VERY ROUMANTICA, CAREFREE. LIKE TO MAKE FRIENDS OF TRUTH, SINCERE AND PERMANENT. I like to dance, WALK AND TALK ON THE BEACH.

She seems to be attracting men with her outfit she wearing..
Hey I guess she can do what you pleases but things are not adding up right. What she told me about being 14 of age and not wanting a relationship doesn’t match her profile she’s aiming at. Don’t know why she told me she was traumatized with men and relationships.

Also one more thing she’s not Brazilian as she did mention to me. I found out she’s Turkish (Knows Brazilian Portuguese, Español, Français, Inglés From Uşak this is not in Brazil)

As for calling me back? No she never called me yesterday! So I guess just give her another day or two or just move on.

I think people who have had bad experiences are just coming here to vent. I can’t believe how people can take one bad experience and let it turn them into a prejudiced bitter person.

I have a lot of Brazilian friends male and female and and they are as diverse as any other nation. My first Brazilian boyfriend was controlling, possessive, jealous and manipulative-he put me through hell!! But did that mean I immediately thought all Brazilians were crazy after that? Of course not! Have you never met anyone from your own country that caused you grief? Does that mean you judge everyone from your country in the same way?

After I broke up with that ex-boyfriend I met another Brazilian man you treats me like an absolute princess, we are partners in everything and most importantly we have a deep respect and admiration for eachother. Worlds apart from the other guy who I couldn’t trust as far as I could throw!! We are now married in Australia with a beautiful baby boy!

For those people who have been generalising about Brazilian women I can tell you that the Brazilian women I know are honest open caring and passionate people. If you meet someone who treats you badly then move on and don’t let it taint your world view. And maybe look at yourself too, moving to another contry is a huge sacrifice to make especially for Brazilians who have such family oriented cultures.

And lastly to the person who said the majority of prostitutes in Europe are Brazilian, you being Italian should know better than anyone that the sex trade in Europe is slavery run by the mafia! These girls are tricked with fake promises of jobs in europe and many of them are being forced to stay by threats and violence, no girl wakes up one morning and thinks, I know! I’ll leave my home and go be a Prostitute!-and by the way-I lived in Italy for 4 years and the majority were from eastern europe or Africa. Maybe there wouldn’t be so many if there wasn’t such a high demand for it from all the perverts over there.

Excellent post Cintrina. I completely agree with you. Most of these prostitutes are a product PF poverty & lack of opportunities. And it’s so important to choose a partner wisely. Date them & watch for redflags. Don’t think only with your “other head” in men’s case. Cantina, would you like to make a guest post about your experience as a Brazilian in the Australian culture? Are they also less family oriented as in the US?

Economics/status turned an entire world into prostitutes. Every person looking for solutions in a broken system. Can’t see the light because we are all brain washed.
I’m reading comments and it got me thinking. I enjoy traveling but I keep seeing the same old thing. Staying home and watching T.V. doesn’t sound soo bad at least, when I’m spoonfed what race is better, or get tired of listening to politicians lie…I can turn the crap off.

Hello guys, my name is Mony, I’m brazilian, my ex boyfriend is american, i have 32 y, old and he has 48, he came to BRazil, met my family we was engaje, but he back to USA, for get your divorce, and know his ex wife want back for him, who has only 24y, old, left him 3 times aborted his baby, had many mans, and now he says, he dosent know what to do. I ask, what i can do? i m suffing a lot, but i want break out, i gave to him, my love and respect, i m educate woman, beautiful, i respected him a lot. anyways, i m looking for some americans who really want a serious relation, my mail is melissacadori1500@hotmail.com
if you want know more about me

Finally the good stuff, LOL! I read nothing but good points in all 17. If all women where like that, I would call it paradise.
As being an European, living in The Netherlands and having my online business, I’m seriously thinking of moving over to Brazil for 6 months and if it is what I read/hear/think and I find a real amazing woman there, I’ll marry her and move to Brazil. I’m really done with the western way of living and it’s (and in my view, sick) culture. No boy and girl evenings out and all that crap. Real love and romance instead. Looks like everyone has forgotten what the hell that is (in Western culture that is).
I’ll be moving South of Brazil next year october and working on my laptop from there, curious about what I will encounter…

I know some Americans who are so uneducated and ignorant, my ex-boyfriend when he was in my city, Sao Paulo, was shocked as the city and developed, educated and cultured people. he thought he would find only the jungle and many monkeys
Not all Brazilian women are prostitutes, many North Americans and Europeans think this way. Some come to Brazil and find beautiful girls in a poor community and lie to them, they have some fun. However, Brazil is a big country, with people of various kinds
my ex boyfriend is North America, and he has two daughters one is 25 the other has 21
they all have two babies of unknown fathers, and they diden’t finish the primary school
then, in each country has its differences in behavior in sao paulo, for example, the people live like people in new yourk

It’s generally shocking how a LOT of people think ;-) Plenty of shallow people, I know. I hear a lot about sex tourism etc. which I want to stay far away from. I’m thinking about going more South then SP, more local. What I really miss these days (and I’m only 31) is the warmth between people, to individual, to “cold” and seperated. I see it with people relating, especially in committed relationships. A lack of romance, passion and wonder. What I read in the 17 point above really is what I’m looking for, I’m more laid back, passionate, a dream chaser, Making music, enjoying, connecting, making my girl feel like a princess (which she MUST deserve offcourse ;-) Don’t care much about the material(istic) side. Feels to me that people have lost the essence what life is really about. It’s not about collecting toys, but about following your heart and making the most amazing memories…

Comment by Rick |
October 11, 2011

I still feel the pain of everything he did, he made ​​me convercer my family that he was a serious man, he not only wanted to be with me in secret, wanted to know ‘and be with my family, any woman would believe the words of him. I know that one day he paid for all the evil and pain that caused me more not wish evil to anyone, this will is happening very soon
He does not have to do that, could have only come to Brazil to have fun, period, though not, he bought me an engagement ring, spoke to my parents.
I am a 31 year old woman with two degrees, play piano, I’m on tour doing concerts by heartburn
I’m no idiot, but I did like an idiot when it believed in his love

Many people think I should look for him and know what is happening, I prefer to keep me in silence and regain my dignity and respect before my family
I do not think all Americans are like that
I think you, , shall a good man, thanks for your words.
He was really an idiot to go to Brazil, to spend so many dollars just to destroy the life of someone without reason

brazilian womans are good to date not to be married… most are fake, lasy and will want to have children with you so you can sponsor their lives… dont forget….brazil its a third world country, womans dont have much opportunities there and are dependent from families even to eat….they are with families not because they love more their family then we do….but because they are lazy, scam artists, dont like to work….date 5, 10, 20 but dont compromisse with no one. thats how we seen then in europe where we have thousands of brasilians selling their body to make a living because they like the easy scam artist type of life. its cultural, part of brasilian society…i can assure you most brasilian womans do and act like that.

I haven’t seen a misinformation and tunnel vision like this for a long time. So if I’m from Thailand and I see American men picking up teen and pre-teen prostitutes, I must assume every American man is a pedophile?

yes, maybe we are good for sex, no i m wrong, we really are good for sex, for cook for love for care our family, for respect the feelings i cant say the sames about americans like you.
Maybe you were looking for prostitutes, then you found
go back to school and learn a little about world history
donkey

9 out of 10 brasilians living in PORTUGAL are prostitutes…. 6 out of 10 brasilians living in SPAIN are prostitutes. its the statistics, facts…research this matter and you will be surprised. brasilian womans are good for one night stand, not more than that.

WOW, How did this spiral out of control. Listen it is very easy, every society, race and culture has those who are good for nothing. To single out Brazilian women is crazy. I live in America (NY) and there are plenty of people here that should be avoided, of all walks of life (white, black, latin, asian and act…). Lets try to get along and don’t presume, because you had a bad experience, that’s how all Brazilian women are (it’s not fair). If you are mugged by a white man are you going to think of all white men as bad people.
I’m not Brazilian, yes I have a college education and I have met plenty of American women who weren’t worth their weight in shit. To all Brazilian women, please don’t think these couple of creeps represent us American men. Enjoy the day!

Comment by Steve |
October 17, 2011

The americans mans are so stuped, not at all, they are thinking they are the best in this world, But i saw old americans mans looking for very young girls because they cannot acept they are old, i saw many americans mans giving theys wife for another mans only for see they wifes with another mans for sex, i saw many americans mans in Texas have no educations,m and girls are having many babys like a dogs
Americans do not know what is family, lost their moral values
in fact these men who are speaking ill of Brazilian women should be those staying in their homes masturbating
OCES know anything about Brazil, do not know who the real Brazilian women
I will not waste my time explaining this to a bunch of ignorant
going to eat a dozen hamburgers and so because that’s what you can do, besides people discriminate
try reading some history books, and not only stay in U.S. history

I ask for forgiveness intelligent Americans who are not in this profile

Hello guys, my name is Mony, I’m brazilian, my ex boyfriend is american, i have 32 y, old and he has 48, he came to BRazil, met my family we was engaje, but he back to USA, for get your divorce, and know his ex wife want back for him, who has only 24y, old, left him 3 times aborted his baby, had many mans, and now he says, he dosent know what to do. I ask, what i can do? i m suffing a lot, but i want break out, i gave to him, my love and respect, i m educate woman, beautiful, i respected him a lot. anyways, i m looking for some americans who really want a serious relation, my mail is melissacadori1500@hotmail.com
if you want know more about me

I like the valuable info you provide in your articles. I will bookmark your blog and check again here frequently. I am quite certain I’ll learn plenty of new stuff right here! Best of luck for the next!

Excuse me, but in PORTUGAL and SPAIN we know who brasilian womans are….most are prostitutes or act like prostitues..you should never ever trust a brasilian woman in any ocasion, always make her think SHES THE RAINHA DA COCADA PRETA but never lie to yourself and trust then…just search the net in Portuguese and Spanish newspapers and you will find MOST brasilians living in Europa are non qualified work force… and end up selling their boddies soon or later because they have grown in Brazil, where the ass culture is predominant and womans are treated like objects and earn much less then mans …their revenge its to have kids, lots of it, so they can take money from you and live the easy life… VIDA DE MALANDRO…like they call it… JEITINHO BRASILEIRO…scam artists…thats brasilian culture….its all over the mainstream media in Brazil.

Obviously you’ve never been to Brazil and just met a handful of Brazilian women working as sex workers. Sweetie, it’s a huge country, with different kinds of people, and you’d be surprised at how many hard-working, mothers, wives, daughters, professional women there are. And many accomplished women as well: doctors, lawyers, engineers, scientists, nurses, artists, etc. Your post is terribly offensive and ignorant.

Excuse me Patrick, I dont know where u came from, but you cant trust prostitutes in any ocasions. Not only brazilians but from all nationalities. I feel sorry that u have this impression of brazilian girls. It’s true most of them come to europe to work as a prostitute, so like i said u should not to trust. But I’ve been living in EUROPE for 3 years, im a student and I really got chocked by the way europeans face sex. They fuck everybody in all ocasions. I can see it by the girls of my university. I’m sure brazilians NORMAL girls are different. WE dont open our legs to anyone like europeans. Or, if u think the girls of your country are really good girls and better then any other ones, just ask the same question for the ARABICS and AFRICAN boys. You’ll see if they think like you. GOD please bring me back to American continent! I cant wait to finish my studies as soon as possible… this european mentality is fucking annoying.

I can see where this guy is coming from I stay for long time in Brazil and yes, a lot of people do look at life as one big game of scamming what you can when you can, but don’t paint a whole country of people with one brush, brazil is a country colonized on exploitation, and still functions on it to a large extent today, so it is no surprising to see this surveil attitude in some people, and not always just in the poor ones, I have been robed and scammed many a time by brazilians but, i still know there are good people in brazil, so I don’t hate them just for what some bad ones did to me, I guess this guy must have had some bad experiences himself.

hi everybody…i keep seeing a lot of posts about negative experiences with ladies from Brasil. I can only speak of my own experience but it has been entirely positive. I met a wonderful Brasilian beauty who is kind and smart and lovely. She is very undemanding, with a happy sunny disposition. I have never met anyone so beautiful inside and out. I am going to marry this lovely lady. I think that there are good and bad people everywhere but if you take your time and really consider carefully your choices you will be lucky in love too. I am so happy to have met a lovely girl who values family and life before money and greed. This is possible for everyone. For me Brasilian girls are the BEST!! te amo

Comment by simon |
March 6, 2012

hey melissa cadori brasilian girl, im just warning my american friends about how a brasilian girl like you acts when in front of an european or american… from what i know about people in brazil. dont take me wrong, i love brasilian womans for one night stand ONLY. what else you have to offer :) …trying to act like a european or american woman doenst make you a european or american woman… besides we all need brasilians womans to party… so stick to what you are good at wich is just fine to all inteligent mans… take care dear melissa.

Then, you searched for prostitutes
Brazilian women continue to be smarter because they charge for sexual servicesbecause the American women do sex for free. hahahahaha.
I will not waste my time telling you that I have two degrees, I’m international singer and i do not need your passport European or American, Brazilian in Europe do not need a visa. Opss, Sorry, your head must be too small to understand it, I might have to design.
You need to wake up to reality and stop this nonsense of fighting because of your nation. You are a very limited guy, living in your small world.
Sorry for the good americans, but this guy, Patrick, are making your people durty

I am not positive where you’re getting your info, but good topic. I must spend a while finding out much more or figuring out more. Thank you for fantastic information I was on the lookout for this info for my mission.

I’m a 24 year- old, brazilian woman who is proud of being brazilian. I am a hard-worker and study full-time. I’m going for my P.h.D. in Physical Therapy. I met a very lovely Jewish man who thinks I’m awesome for all I’ve done since I came to America and for all that I am. There are brazilians and brazilians, americans and americans. I noticed that most men like the physical aspects of brazilians. Look for someone who is beautiful inside and out, someone who has positive things to add to your life and brings out the best in you. Physical beauty fades with time, but inner beauty stays forever.Please don’t judge the book by its cover, or think that all upcoming relationships will be negative because of past disappointments. Give love a chance, and be the best you can be for you get what you give. Just be careful, only open yourself when you feel that the other person deserves you and what you have to offer. Good luck to all of you.

After all..I decided to create my own blog to write about all this misconceptions about Brazil.
So my website is emanuelarosa.com. So please feel free to comment in my blog or to suggest subjects related to Brazil that it is not just about American and Brazilians. There are a world of things you dont know that if you put all together you could understand us a bit better.

So I am looking foward to see you there. and I will keep making my comments in Brasilmagic blog.

So here’s a quick anecdote in the positive vein to cheer you all up and give courage to some here who are demoralized by their experiences. I met a lady on an English language site about 3 years ago (not a dating site just to be clear). She was Brasilian. We talked a lot about art and literature and life in general by email and finally on MSN. I probably talked to her for hundreds and hundreds of hours…until I realized I was falling in love with her. What an incredible woman she was..smart funny, kind, gentle. Finally she got on a plane against her family’s wishes and flew to see me in Europe. I spent the best 10 days of my life with her in Paris where I was working. As soon as she walked off the plane and I looked in her eyes i KNEW it was love for sure. Since then I have visited her in Brasil and am going back again in a couple of weeks. To propose to her. She is the kindest, sweetest woman I have ever met. She is also very beautiful and intelligent. She’s not a gold digger…she has her own life and job. I can’t thank the great country of Brasil enough for such a wonderful gift as that lovely lady. Also I never visited a country so full of such vibrant, happy people (great BBQ too!!). I realize that it is like any country, it has its pluses and minuses but I was really impressed by the people and country as a whole. So my advice is if you are careful and a bit lucky and also persistent, you can find love too in Brasil. I did.

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Websites you can find brazilian girls:
Brazilcupid.com
Orkut.com
Search for the local brazilian community in your region, on facebook but they might have a page
Couchsurfing.org ( you Can find brazilians by city and WHO knows maybe you Can host brazilian girls?
Look for brazilian bars in your region, in big events you will meet LOT of brazilians.
But I recommend couchsurfing because most of people speak english or other languages…
Hope you find the right lady…

What?s Happening i am new to this, I stumbled upon this I have found It absolutely useful and it has aided me out loads. I am hoping to give a contribution & assist different users like its helped me. Good job.

Ok then.I read this article and have to say it contains only half of truth.
I will tell you in quick shortcuts my story.
I live in UK and one day met Brazilian woman.Because i was always stunned by look of South American women i said” damn… i have good luck”
The woman i met was intelligent,well English language spoken,very,very attractive.Before i met her in real world we had some chat time through internet.She was married to another European guy.She said that does not love other man because he drinks too much and loosing job,bla bla bla….
This story was true.After sometime we met and spend nice weekend,we had great bed time too.She wanted probably stay without commitment long time.Because of good time,her appearance,good communication i fell in love with her.
Relationship was with ups and downs.At the beginning we were using some dating websites.When everything was working out i have stopped using it.One day she was nousy and checking my computer,she found something back in browser history.She said it like cheating.
One day i found she was using my PC and visited her website( probably did not realize that i could find it out too)
Lets come back to main topic.
Many times she was asking who called me on phone,who is he/her,asking who is new male friend on ( most known social website) if like younger women,etc,etc….
Do not get me wrong.Anyone can be a bit suspicious or jealous ,but there are some limits.After all mess with dating websites we agreed to close them and get over it,leave in past.After sometime she was acting crazy,being jealous again.She had problem with alcohol,not big but it was disturbing in our relationship.
One day we decided that is time to live together.She was pressing and i found job in her city because at that time we were not living in same place.
I packed up my things,moved to her city.We split up,i lost my job.
When we were together once she was pretending to be pregnant.I could not prove it because she said she changed appointment with doctor.We agreed she will make an abortion because it is not good time for us to have a child when we fight all the time.
My and my friends opinion was she was playing nasty game to check my reactions.
I am very reasonable person( i am realistic) so want to have planned things in my live.If she was person for me i would like to rise child with her.
Before You will read following text please notice my all respect for every woman and Brazilian women.
Be careful when getting involved with Brazilian woman.They are passionate,jealous or very jealous in my case,possessive.Many of them are so feminine so they want always looking the best among other Brazilian women( at parties especially).I have proven it few times.
I am not saying that none of other nationality women doing opposite.
A lot of Brazilian women( even old ones) which have enough money go for breast implants,botox or face lifting.They seem to value their attractivity very low and not accepting
I have noticed that she was making nasty comments on front of my friends about me and contact with other female friends.She was trying to put me in awkward situation but there was no any point of that.I have my honor and would never cheat on her because she was the one for me and i have dedicated myself for this relationship.
Because of her problem with alcohol,cigarets and not healthy life in general i wanted to help her.Do not get me wrong.I am not trying to change anybody to suit me because i am healthy and sporty man.
I wanted her to realize that she has a problem and need doctor to visit about mental problems,how to control anger and not hurting partner.
She was person always to blame her hormones,stress at work,
Because of wild sexual life she decided to get some contraception.But she never did it.I think she wanted to get pregnant.
She also said she would not go to doctors because they do not give her solution for her mental problems.
I really respect people when they turn words in to acts.
I am and will never be perfect person.I know part of the fault with our relationship is mine.I was the person who cried on the crowded street when she made me feel bad.
I was the person which showed better and more interesting life to her.
I am not in touch with her since i moved out and she was calling and texting me like crazy person.
I am very emotional person and if i picked up phone i would not cut conversation and she would play with my feelings.
When she was contacting me last time she was mentioning that we can help each other,that she will do this and that.But it is too late to do that.You can not force person to be with you if person knows that your promises are short term,not covered.
I do think sometimes to check how she is but if she crossed my name already and doing nothing to improve that means she is looking for someone( lover) to be for a while and dump him again as she told me when dumped few great guys.
I think if she would really loved me she would prove that she is capable to change many things ,but maybe it is comfortable for her as it is now…..
I am not native English so i want to say sorry for my broken English language.

Ok then.I read this article and have to say it contains only half of truth.
I will tell you in quick shortcuts my story.
I live in UK and one day met Brazilian woman.Because i was always stunned by look of South American women i said” damn… i have good luck”
The woman i met was intelligent,well English language spoken,very,very attractive.Before i met her in real world we had some chat time through internet.She was married to another European guy.She said that does not love other man because he drinks too much and loosing job,bla bla bla….
This story was true.After sometime we met and spend nice weekend,we had great bed time too.She wanted probably stay without commitment long time.Because of good time,her appearance,good communication i fell in love with her.
Relationship was with ups and downs.At the beginning we were using some dating websites.When everything was working out i have stopped using it.
One day i found she was using my PC and visited her website( probably did not realize that i could find it out too)
Lets come back to main topic.
After all mess with dating websites we agreed to close them and get over it,leave in past. She had problem with alcohol,not big but it was disturbing in our relationship.
One day we decided that is time to live together. I found job in her city because at that time we were not living in same place.
I packed up my things,moved to her city.We split up,i lost my job.
When we were together once she was pretending to be pregnant.I could not prove it because she said she changed appointment with doctor.We agreed she will make an abortion because it is not good time for us to have a child when we fight all the time.
I am very reasonable person( i am realistic) so want to have planned things in my live.If she was person for me i would like to rise child with her.
Before You will read following text please notice my all respect for every woman and Brazilian women.
Many of them are so feminine so they want always looking the best. I have proven it few times.
I am not saying that none of other nationality women doing opposite.
A lot of Brazilian women( even old ones) which have enough money go for breast lifting, Botox. She was trying to put me in awkward situation but there was no any point of that.I have my honor and would never cheat on her because she was the one for me and i have dedicated myself for this relationship.
Because of her problem with alcohol,cigarets and not healthy life in general i wanted to help her.Do not get me wrong.I am not trying to change anybody to suit me because i am healthy and sporty man.
I wanted her to realize that she has a problem and need doctor to visit about mental problems.
She was person always to blame her hormones,stress at work,
Because of wild sexual life she decided to get some contraception.But she never did it.I think she wanted to get pregnant.
She also said she would not go to doctors because they do not give her solution for her mental problems.
I really respect people when they turn words in to acts.
I am and will never be perfect person.I know part of the fault with our relationship is mine.I was the person who cried on the crowded street when she made me feel bad.
I was the person which showed better and more interesting life to her.
I am very emotional person and I’m afraid she would play with my feelings.
When she was contacting me last time she was mentioning that we can help each other,that she will do this and that. TYou can not force person to be with you if person knows that your promises are short term,not covered.
I think if she would really loved me she would prove that she is capable to change many things ,but maybe it is comfortable for her as it is now…..
I am not native English so i want to say sorry for my broken English language…

Ok then.I read this article and have to say it contains only half of truth.
I will tell you in quick shortcuts my story.
I live in UK and one day met Brazilian woman.Because i was always stunned by look of South American women i said” damn… i have good luck”
The woman i met was intelligent,well English language spoken,very,very attractive.Before i met her in real world we had some chat time through internet.She was married to another European guy.She said that does not love other man because he drinks too much and loosing job,bla bla bla….
This story was true.After sometime we met and spend nice weekend,we had great bed time too.She wanted probably stay without commitment long time.Because of good time,her appearance,good communication i fell in love with her.
Relationship was with ups and downs.At the beginning we were using some dating websites.When everything was working out i have stopped using it.One day she was nousy and checking my computer,she found something back in browser history.She said it like cheating.
One day i found she was using my PC and visited her website( probably did not realize that i could find it out too)
Lets come back to main topic.
Many times she was asking who called me on phone,who is he/her,asking who is new male friend on ( most known social website) if like younger women,etc,etc….
Do not get me wrong.Anyone can be a bit suspicious or jealous ,but there are some limits.After all mess with dating websites we agreed to close them and get over it,leave in past.After sometime she was acting crazy,being jealous again.She had problem with alcohol,not big but it was disturbing in our relationship.
One day we decided that is time to live together.She was pressing and i found job in her city because at that time we were not living in same place.
I packed up my things,moved to her city.We split up,i lost my job.
When we were together once she was pretending to be pregnant.I could not prove it because she said she changed appointment with doctor.We agreed she will make an abortion because it is not good time for us to have a child when we fight all the time.
My and my friends opinion was she was playing nasty game to check my reactions.
I am very reasonable person( i am realistic) so want to have planned things in my live.If she was person for me i would like to rise child with her.
Before You will read following text please notice my all respect for every woman and Brazilian women.
Be careful when getting involved with Brazilian woman.They are passionate,jealous or very jealous in my case,possessive.Many of them are so feminine so they want always looking the best among other Brazilian women( at parties especially).I have proven it few times.
I am not saying that none of other nationality women doing opposite.
A lot of Brazilian women( even old ones) which have enough money go for breast implants,botox or face lifting.They seem to value their attractivity very low and not accepting
I have noticed that she was making nasty comments on front of my friends about me and contact with other female friends.She was trying to put me in awkward situation but there was no any point of that.I have my honor and would never cheat on her because she was the one for me and i have dedicated myself for this relationship.
Because of her problem with alcohol,cigarets and not healthy life in general i wanted to help her.Do not get me wrong.I am not trying to change anybody to suit me because i am healthy and sporty man.
I wanted her to realize that she has a problem and need doctor to visit about mental problems,how to control anger and not hurting partner.
She was person always to blame her hormones,stress at work,
Because of wild sexual life she decided to get some contraception.But she never did it.I think she wanted to get pregnant.
She also said she would not go to doctors because they do not give her solution for her mental problems.
I really respect people when they turn words in to acts.
I am and will never be perfect person.I know part of the fault with our relationship is mine.I was the person who cried on the crowded street when she made me feel bad.
I was the person which showed better and more interesting life to her.
I am not in touch with her since i moved out and she was calling and texting me like crazy person.
I am very emotional person and if i picked up phone i would not cut conversation and she would play with my feelings.
When she was contacting me last time she was mentioning that we can help each other,that she will do this and that.But it is too late to do that.You can not force person to be with you if person knows that your promises are short term,not covered.
I do think sometimes to check how she is but if she crossed my name already and doing nothing to improve that means she is looking for someone( lover) to be for a while and dump him again as she told me when dumped few great guys.
I think if she would really loved me she would prove that she is capable to change many things ,but maybe it is comfortable for her as it is now…..
I am not native English so i want to say sorry for my broken English language…

I’m brazilian, I have been to 40 countries, lived 3 years abroad. One year and half in USA, 6 months in australia and 6 months in europe. Your brazilian woman is sick, get away from her. I had a sick girlfriend like that from france. Latin people are VERY POSESSIVE. they might cut ur dick off if they think u are cheating, specially italian and french. another tip: Brazilians can cheat more easily than people of british culture.

I think there is no love in these life scenarios described in this forum. It isn’t about been Brazilian, American or African. It is about background education. I am from Northeast, Maranhao, the poorest state in Brazil. I would have all the reasons to grow up looking for fulfilling a consume mind oriented personality. My parents, both with professional career, worked very hard their whole life to give us, 2 brothers and a sister, good education and good moral values. My mother is Catholic and my father atheist. They both came from very harsh realities and built up a family together with a lotmof hard work and love. Yes, I had maid full-time, never needed to clean my room, make bed, cook, etc. That was my reality until my 20’s when I moved to Brasilia to attend college and live by my own. From night to day I had to do all the house work, part-time job and college. It was hard but I always felt blessed because I considered myself privileged for having a place to live, job and attend a public university. Later on, I received a scholarship to go to Japan where I met my husband, who was raised just like me, by married parents, hard worker father, careful housewife mother, that praised for honest, family, and education as a way of life. At first sight, we have so many cultural differences but everything is solved everyday because we love each other. I work part-time in America, he works full-time and takes care of most of our financial. All the money I make I deposit in our joint account. No secrets, no lies! I respect that he has time with his friends and I have time with my friends. I am Brazilian and I never changed my cultural background to please him or vice-versa. I love that he keeps his Japanese personality and I appreciate that he fully respect me. We are together for good and bad. To be rich or poor. He take care of me and I take care of him. Simple like that. Yes, I do have a strong bond with my parents, I just love, admire, and respect them. They never get involved in our marriage as well my Japanese in-laws. In general, from what I have seen, Brazilians and Americans are not a very good match. Sorry for the happily married couples but here in San Francisco just haven’t seen many of this couples doing well.

The next time you might want to consider a dominican or colombian woman just saying or venturing to a place like Salvador, Brazil where the women are more traditional and wifey material I am suspecting everyone of you sad little gringoes go to Rio de Janeiro fast city fast women try outside of Rio, it’s not the only city in Brazil. Also, find a woman that is near your age.

What a big mess! In one side, men looking for a “perfect” woman from another country; in another side, gold diggers women, from a poor country, trying to find security. How this can work?
There is no such thing as women are better here in Brasil than there, or men are worse here than there. People wake up! Failed marriage happens everywhere, but when one of them is from another country, Boom! You can blame the cultural difference.
Marriage is not easy at all, it involves commitment, love, friendship, and a lot of patience. Multicultural or not, it is made of 2 different people, raised with different values, that probably have dif expectations in life.
Do you want to succeed? Put your walls down, get to know each other a lot before commit, be open minded to the differences and GIVE what you expect to get back. And be patient.

It is the best time to make some plans for the longer term and it’s time to be happy. I’ve learn this put up and if I may just I wish to suggest you some interesting things or suggestions. Maybe you can write subsequent articles referring to this article. I want to learn more things approximately it!

I do enjoy the manner in which you have presented this specific challenge and it does indeed offer us some fodder for consideration. Nevertheless, coming from just what I have observed, I just wish as the actual comments pack on that folks stay on point and in no way start on a tirade involving some other news du jour. Anyway, thank you for this superb point and even though I do not really agree with the idea in totality, I value your perspective.

key point to this information…….dont marry a brasilian woman. they expect everything and are never satisfied. i know from many years of experience. keep the relationships to one month romances. never commit and never pay for their braces.

John, you are forgetting the tons of happily married couples not only in Brazil but here-American men married to Brazilian women. I can cite several of these couples. Lumping all Brazilian women under one bad experience you might have is plain wrong. Even belonging to the same culture, each Brazilian (or American, or Ugandan…) will differ in terms of personality, temperament, values. I personally know many wonderful Brazilian women.

OMG…sooooo many bad experiences with Brazilian women in here…we all got thrown in the big fire.

Assume that every Brazilian women are all that bad is, in a bad comparison, is like I assume, after living in a FL beach town, that all American people are low lives that will only work to get the next beer or next weed !!

I do not think the problem is one’s nationality , from my own experience finding a good relationship these days is harder than hit the lotto…. I am 33 years old, came to this country when I was 23, I dated 3 American men…

10 years passed and after 3 relationships later, I experienced NOTHING BUT being labeled, lied to, cheated on, being used, took advantage off , etc …I could write a book. I hit 33 years old, single, with no kids, which I regret. At times I feel terrified to even give it another try. But I know there are good people out there, that like me are looking for the real thing, with good intentions and I still hope to one day find my match.

It is sad to read here only negative experiences, but at the same time, I believe people that have a good experience are happily enjoying their relationship, time, family and communicating opposed to being sit in a computer wining and labeling people. Every person is different !! This was a good article that turned into a wall of ignorant, racist comments and battles.

So what ?? Just because all my 3 American bfs were horrible (well, one was not that terrible !) , am I supposed to believe that all American men are lying pigs that doesn’t worth a dog’s pile of crap ??

I don’t think like that at all…

This have nothing to do with Nationality !

Stop being bitter, almost every normal person have had a bad relationship. Move on !! Man up, open your eyes, heal your heart, go find yourself an American girl (if you are unable to learn anything about other cultures) or Chinese, or British and you may hit your luck and be happily ever, or you may find yourself bitching in some other article, comment wall (70% of the ignorant posters of this wall).

I am shocked with the amount of posters that seem to know little to nothing about Brazil. Did you guys ever been abroad, attended any geography class or took any time to really learn a different culture ??

I find that most of the problem has to do with american men in america could never land that type of beautiful female here in america and second you are trying to have a relationship with a woman who could be your daughter. I am a 47 year old african-american man who dont date women below the age of 30 and preferably like dating women close to my age. I have a daughter who is 19 and a son who is 22 I dont see were the connection is with someone who is waay too young regardless of culture.

I have met a beautiful, younger brasilian woman (46) and find myself (60+) very much attracted to her and she knows it. I have lived many years in Brasil and am familiar with the customs. We have no language problems. I am married but living separately from my wife whom she knows. She also knows my marriage is weak. She has been previously married and is unattached at the moment. Her last relationship ended with a married man when he would never make a commitment to her. We have many common interests such as dining, dancing, going to the beach and traveling and enjoy each others company. I have known her for 2 years. We are both well educated and our children from prior marriages are all adults today. I am financially stable but she is not.

After 2 years of seeing her the most I’ve achieved is holding hands with her. I know my marriage is a huge obstacle for us and she has said it would help if I were single but I still struggle with the question of whether I am being taken advantage of or whether it is my current marital status preventing us from advancing with our friendship. I have even asked her to tell me if she is not interested in advancing our friendship beyond its current point but she diplomatically avoided answering that question. I am reluctant to push any harder to try to understand her true feelings as it might hurt our friendship.

“Her last relationship ended with a married man when he would never make a commitment to her”. That says a lot huh? She has a history of having relationships with unavailable men and has no qualms about breaking up a marriage. She latches on to men who have some money. Of course she is fun; most Brazilian women are. Dining, dancing, going to the Beach & traveling: doesn’t enjoy that? I bet it’s all on your dime! Jon, resolve your marital situation. This woman could be using you. She knows you are married but her morals are very weak. Be very careful.

Hi Jon,
you can live with someone for 40 yrs ( in your case know her for two) and talk about every topic under the sun ( love, life, religion, politics etc.) but at the end of the day tie that person to a chair and hang them over a volcano and in that instant you will know that true person.

We as humans are creatures of habits, pay close attention and have an clear mind we will start to tell on ourselves.

Thanks for your comment sabah012 but your message was very unclear. Who in your message is being hung over a volcano, me, my friend of 2 years, or my wife? Furthermore, I was not seeking any type of personal evaluation of my actions when I posted my comment that your reply seems to be hinting of.

Comment by jon |
April 9, 2012

you(Jon) can live with someone(brasilian woman) for 40 yrs ( know her for two) and talk about every topic under the sun ( love, life, religion, politics etc.) but at the end of the day tie that person to a chair (lay your cards on the table) and hang them over a volcano (Ultimatum) and in that instant you will know that true person (the true reason why she won’t answer your question).

It is a proverb and not a personal evaluation of your actions. So here it is, you already know the answers to the questions. Ex. ( I have even asked her to tell me if she is not interested in advancing our friendship beyond its current point but she diplomatically avoided answering that question. ) She did not avoid answering the question in fact the avoidance in itself is the answer. It may not be the one you want but it is an answer.

Comment by sabah012 |
April 10, 2012

Fantastic points altogether, you just gained a emblem new reader. What may you suggest in regards to your publish that you just made some days in the past? Any certain?

My family is originally from Montenegro. Although I’m obviously not traditional, there are a few customs that we both follow.
For example, in my culture when guests come over, the guests sit down with Dudu & then I offer them something to drink giving them options like: water, soda, tea, juices, etc…
When it comes to the man’s part men from Montenegro are expected to know a lot about electric, construction, plumbing, etc etc…
The woman is expected to know how to cook, clean, brew the perfect cup of coffee, etc etc…
We follow these traditions but when I ask my husband what his traditions are, he says there really aren’t many.
His excuse is: Brazilians are just like Americans.

Which I find it hard to believe because not many Americans can relate to Brazilian culture, especially American women.

I tried searching the web for some answers & I’ve asked my Brazilian girlfriends but they have been here so long that they’ve forgot their own culture…. Then there are things like this article that end up as a result from my google search:

Lots of negative stuff in here. Of course there are some bad girls and some good girls. I am American. Are you saying you never met a gorgeous American girl who was not manipulative or lazy? Every culture has a percentage that are like this. And if you go to the larger cities you are more apt to find the problem girls or guys. In being to Brazil for over 15 years, the guys are also very clever at controlling a situation just like Americans, Europeans and other nationalities. They are NOT ALL the same. I do not agree with them being lazy or selling their body to get things. I know many Brazilian women who are hard workers but yes they do enjoy their novelas, beauty rest, shopping and salons. OK, no problem, Asian women like this too. You want the ultimate in femininity, that was is involved. The funny thing is you only see the negatives and not the positive examples. It is the same as TV news. They will focus on negative news a lot for most of the show and show you a 3 to 5 minute commentary on something good. alguma coisa tao bom. There are good women out there. Good luck

You are very right Jerry. I am surprised at how many men came to this post with negative comments about Brazilian women. That is not my experience. There are good and bad women and men in every culture. That’s a no-brainer.

Well figured I would contribute since not only is the topic Brazilian women vs US women, but I also find my native Swedish/Danish/Norwegian sisters being mentioned.

Well I think Emanuela and Brasilmagic are right. As is Jay in some ways. Well my eprsonal experience as being a rather young guy 26 years of age married to a one year younger Brasilian woman from Campina Grande is as follows :

How we met : I had worked my ass of for a whole 6 months and saved up about 20k euro, rented a flat in arpaodor bought a surf board and surfed ltierally every day, this was low season like july-august so not to many toursits. I spoke spanish since I ahd been working in spain, funny though after a month my portuguese was perfect due to me making so many friends. I got to see Rocinha alot for example thanks to my new Brazilian surf buddys, this was pre government control of Rocinha. I was treated so well there, they gave me food and chop all the time didnt ask for money, I even met drug dealers who were laughing and asking me what kind of gringo I was :p So I had actually through my hobby aquired a group of Brazilian friends. I ahd my apartment so I was pretty much stable this first time in brazil.

I never took to Samba so when I partied I usually went for Forro and Setaneta places, I especially liked Cavaleiros do Forro hehe many Brazilian friends joke with me about this, so anyway cruising brazilian music forums I see a comment from a judging by the picture pretty brazilian girl, we talk music work life in general, shes a bit into me but I wasnt really feeling it for her. So anyway lifes strange sometimes turns out she has a friend who just blows me away when she enters the room. Really strong presence and intense long look in the eye between us. Anyways we hit it of on the spot and have more or less been together ever since with one like 3-4 month break when I had to put my foot down. As mentioned Brazilians are possesive de mais, so first of she and our mutual friend who we met through start fighting and macumba going back and forth I dont really mind this nonsense. But she then started sending insulting mails to my ex ( swedish girl ) whom I have known since well loooong time. broke up on good terms and were friends on facebook. When she found that out she went ballistic and instead of asking me to terminate facebook friendship or even talking to me she sents very insulting and Id say foulmouthed mails to my ex. Well I toldher to get the hell out of my way and took my bags and went back to work let it cool down I kenw about her goings on through mutual friends. My ex didnt really respond or pay much notice ( Swedish people are a rather cool and calm people ) I jsut felt it was very embarassing and demeaning I can talk and take care of myself and certainly dont need protection from women…

Anyway after that we have been inseparable have a good life at home, first kid on the way and pushing 4 years. Ok im rather young and have never had any problems with girls here in Sweden, I would say if you are looking for real white girls, blonde, brunette whatever you wont find better anywhere in the world, well maybe in Norway if your really fixed on blonde and big boobs :P Anyways I fell for my wife and it was the first non-scandinavian girl I met, shes got a white brazilian dad and a black mom. I went up to PB and emt the folks, got drunk on pitu, drank an obnoxious remedy her grandma made to cure my hangover. Blamed the hot climate when I cant keep up with her brothers in the soccer field hehe! Anyway I got on great with her mom and dad, my only tactics was buying food for her mother and sister to cook for everyone… I mean really in Paraiba you can buy a kilo of picanha for liek what… 10-15 real? Less even maybe I bought meat and linguica and told them I really lvoed churrasco add a keg to that and do it like 2-3 days and you do not only have a loving Brazilian family who sticks up for you, you get a whole neighbourhood who watch your back. I feel way safer in Campina Grande than in Sweden to be honest. In general with the family in brazil be yourself and get to know them. I would advice AGAINST dating a Brasileira if you are not commited to mastering the language. If you master the language you can get into the family, when you are in the family you are in period.

Also Brasil is huuuuuuuuge, and culture really varies. Hell the northeast countryside sometimes feels like they have muslim values, my wife told me for example when she lvied at home at around 15-16 she and her sister still had a younger brother with them always to make sure nothing wrong took place with boys hehe. She even told me her dad would forbid his daughters talking or associating with girls who were… well not virgins I understood it as. So there are very conservative Brazilians out there. My wife initially was very religious but after much debate I made here agnostic by simply stating the fact that the pope was getting a salary and that the vatican owned lands and banks etc while their subjects suffer poverty. So yeah you can break through that barrier to.

In general Im super happy with my wife, Im the man of the house and would not have it otherwise, I married a superhot woman who really physically is my ideal. I enjoy a rich life where Id say its is extremely rare I go to sleep without making hot love to my wife first ;)

I fix things around the house and take the main responsability, she in turn gives me a clean home, homecooked meals and all the love I need.

Hmm commitments I have made in her favor, well i love Brasil so I agreed quickly to building a house there in her hometown of Campina Grande, we got the land for free from her maternal grand dad ( the black side has all the land hehe =P ) and are saving about 1k real for the housebuilding a month. This for some reason gives her great joy and involves her family so shes happy as a clam. Shes from a poor background, has 6 siblings, went to school to about only 15 I think then was a baba, then went to her aunt in Rio and worked as a maid the first 6 months ( hated it ) then got a job as a waitress worked her way up some sort of callcenter chief and lifted about 1300 reals a month. So shes certainly made a financial and educational leap here in europe. Shes very hungry for education I have noticed and now that she doesent need to work 24/7 to help her mom and dad shes really blossomed. Shes sucha calm, secure and loving wife I mean she really changed my life. I rarely drink these days when I do its a cold beer or four, I quit going out with the guys. As noted going out alone at night with friends is very wrong in Brazilian eyes. Comapred to swedish women a Brasileira is 100% more demanding in terms of Atencao/attention where a Swedish girl is 100% more demanding in going out and aprtying and doing things.

If youa re a really active guy needing an active companion and want to party alot, Id say go with a carioca or paulista but not with a northeastern woman. They are more homely and family oriented. Its crazy shes been even more wify and loving since I put a bun in the oven, no fighting no nothing shes so serene its almost soemthign sacred over it. Anyway hear her demands and reason with yourself if its worth it. For me it was certainly worth giving up partying for my wife. My life is richer and im so much happier.

Internet is good and all when making a flirt, but really on internet nothing can grow beyond a flir. Go there, get to know her, meet her family see what kind of world she comes from. Dont be a leftist politically correct guy either or you will just be subjugated to the female raw power that is a Brazilian woman and she will assert authority quickly. Be a real man and you will have a real woman. By that I mean be a gentleman, be a family provider, be a protector, be a father, be a friend, be a lover, and be the man in the house. Be clear with each other, I love one thing about Brazilians and it is the space they give people to have their own opinions. Say it like it is, how you feel and youl be in a better place. Dont go back on what you say either, I think one key feature of my relationship is that to me also family is sacred and you dont go back or break your word to family ever. So I have never done that, I ‘ve kept my word when I have given it and not given my word when I dont intend to do something so we are clear.

Also absolutely right about the team spirit of married Brasileiras, first order of agenda make join bank account, do taxes together have everythign together. Luckily shes very serious and into these paper thigns so now my mom dont have to do my taxes ^^

If you have previous children and are euro/american Brazilian women will accept the children but never another woman in your life. So if you have kdis and maintain any real contact with the mother, Id say skip a brazilian woman even if she has kids. You do not keep contact with exes period. Not a problem for me as we are expecting the first kid for both of us, but have seen friends of my wife and heard their chat and I KNOW this is a real issue for them. You cant do anything for your ex ever, or have regular contact or well it wont be worth it. They want the attention and even sharing it with kids not their own can be rough. In Brasil aswell its more accepted if the woman already has kids than the man for some reason.

Dont hide stuff or keep secrets, Brasileiras go to detective school all their life watching their dad and brothers, basically for any european or american player Id say she could probably school you in infidelity since shes probably seen it all her life. They will dig, they will scrape and their radar does not miss any ” strange ” female connections. For me being myself and honest has worked Im not looking for other women at all.

In essence I think the western individualist view on marriage and life in general is much more in wanton, than the actual symbiosis that marriage with a Brazilian is. In Sweden where we live in the capital in general Brazilian women are treated better since :

Prostitution is illegal, if a woman prostitutes herself in sweden and is a foreigner she is deported. There are some apartment brothels in the suburbs here operated by russian mafia but these palces are not safe and the girls are more or less safe. Mostly middle eastern immigrants use these.

If a man buys sex in sweden and is a Swedish citizen his wife ( if he has one ) or his mother ( if he is not married and has a mother ) gets a pink envelope mailed to their house that their son has been caught buying sex from a male/female etc and he gets 3 months in jail and about 2500 euro fine.

Swedish women are similar to Brazilian women in that they to enjoy sex alot and do not see it as something super special, and Swedish girls are generally good looking, we have a substantial Chilean minority aswell so some latin hotties to. Basically from what I’ve seen its mostly arabs and old guys here who go apelike around Brazilian women.

The Basilian embassy in Stockholm is wonderfull and create a 1 day festival each year in the centre of Stockholm which always draws huge crowds as they fly in Pagode bands straight from rio. The Brasilian community in Stockholm is small but very tight many musicians ( almost all the guys from Brasil work as musicians it feels like ) and women seem to work with cleaning/restaurants or education/nursing.

Also the queen of Sweden Silvia is a Brasileira from Rio Grande do Sul so… we love our Brazilian brothers and sisters and we just had the crown princess give birth to her first child a cute baby girl called Estelle =) So Im in good company with his majesty Carl Gustaf in having a Brazilian queen =) Long life and prosperiy my friends and send coldhearted bitches to the curve wherever they hail from!

Very interesting perspective from a Swedish lad! Thanks Marcus. I do agree with some of your observations, as I have seen it happen a lot as well:

1) Brazilian women see marriage as a partnership. You are not two separate individuals. You are a team. They will always prefer joint accounts and finances too.

2) There are many Brazilian women who are very possessive. Not all. This possessiveness seems to be a trait of Latin cultures, since I have seen extreme jealousy in other Latin women.

3) One of the results of this possessiveness is that Brazilian women will want to be number one in your life. Always. Ex-wives and any traces of his past life need to be erased. His mother and sister might be alienated. female friends will have to disappear (unless they are friends with the couple-as should be when you are in a committed relationship).

Marcus, Swedish women are also famous for their beauty, in a different way than Brazilian/Latin women. Are they jealous too? There is this common belief that Scandinavians don’t show emotions. Hard to believe a Swede would have a jealous fit!

It is a bit like Fire and Water. Brasilian women being fire are a strikingly beautiful, seductive and powerfull presence. Swedish women being a bit cooler, elegant and calmer maybe. Silent river runs deep is an expression we have here. In Sweden the man is ALWAYS the hunter and making the first step, Swedish women never do this. They may initiate kissing in a club atmosphere though. In Brazil women are also hunters so that is an important distinction to make. They say Sweden is one of the more equal countries between the sexes but I must say Brasileiras seem more prone to stand up for themselves and assert their rights. Also as I said Brasil can be vastly different I’ve learned, we have a friend from Curitibia, and she looks exactly like a Swedish bombshell with a nice sunburn. Actually there was even a couple thousand Swedes who emigrated to Brasil so who knows? Swedish association in Rio is also quite big.

Jealousy in Sweden is definently there, but our country is very divided regarding values, Europe was very torn historically and so is Sweden. A swede can be very very liberal and quite conservative. It is incredibly mixed. Jealousy however and public displays of negative emotions is very taboo still. Swedish girls can be quite jealous especially materialisticly they feel very entitled. Main problem with Swedish women though is the lack of emotional jealousy, many continue going out with their girlfriends and partying etc even after getting married and having children. Then other Swedish girls especially those outside of the metropolitan areas are more conservative and having a family and getting married is the main focus. I feel Swedish men have emotional jealousy aswell but no material jealousy. It was a very protestant country where alot of enjoyable things were considered sinfull a long time. Even for me as a Swedish guy its hard to tell, because the establishment politically and in the media who are very socialist/liberal is miles apart from the Swedish public so tough one. This is the reason for many of the unions problems today.

In my own opinion without trying to slander my own gender,

Brazilian women can be a bit overboard distrusting of men, where as Swedish women can be a bit naive. Trust should be given thoughtfully and not automatically.

Really how common is cheating in Brazil, it seems Brazilian women see all men as cheaters until proven otherwise?

Comment by Marcus |
May 7, 2012

Jon – come-on. I enjoyed your post. By writing it you get an answer. I could not help but be enlightened by it..
This woman wants a commitment. You said it all when you mentioned she has had a history of having a relationship with a married man. I ran into such a person years ago in Brazil who fits your description. Highly educated – professor with degrees who left her husband (another Professor who was a Dean of a University). She met this Gringo who got her to leave her husband (divorced hubbiie) on the whim he would marry her. Well he put property in her name cause as a Gringo he could not legally buy it outright himself.
He visits Brazil during the year and lead her on saying would they initially get married. Well he never divorced and he has her still strung out. Enter me – well I met her by chance with the boyfriend at a resort in another city. She was traveling back to her home and that was also where I was spending the majority of time before I came back to the states. To make a long story short she told me how bad this guy was. I ended up hitting on her and she was fine with that. Now this woman was a Professor and was very cautious of taking anyone to her home even had fears with me visiting her University but she did. She wanted a commitment but she had loose screws that were falling out. I even met her older son and spent a weekend at a beach house with her. .She was about money make no mistake about that and she wanted to control whomever she married doing the money part of the relationship. She had a son and wanted also to care for him and wanted to move to Miami. BTW Jon who foots all the bills on your little dates? Being a gentleman you would cause she dont have much money.

Personally Jon you are ready to move on. Is your lady paranoid? is she ultra-religous? Why stay married with someone you are separated with ? Money or asset distribution ? Get divorce and the talent line-up will look much better than just this single person you are hung up on like a piece of candy you cannot have. Divorce does not come cheap and this woman you are interested in is not financially sound. 45 for a woman is prime is not old but on the other hand she should have a job or do you expect her to work after you hook up.
Hate to say this but 2 years of just holding hands would not work for me. Hey I gave up a second home and some cash to get a divorce from someone who didnt want to stay married. Life comes with penalties.
Your woman wants it all. She is gonna lead you on for however long it takes. You might break and you might not – but dude it is messing with your head. Too many middle age Brazilian women out there. You are 60-ish and she is 45. Man you dont know how menopause can drive a woman body and mind crazy.

Cut the ties with your current wife and take it from there. Once this women knows you have divorced your current she might not even want you. You might be broke or near it.
I have to admit there are some fine 40 year old Brazilian women out there but there are some older and younger ones also. She is just one woman and maybe you were meant to be friends.
Hey get a divorce and tell her to move in with you to see how the relationship will work out. Bet that dont fly as she wants a ring and commitment. Remember in Brazil if you stay with a woman for certain length of time she has dibs on your assets – common law marriage.

Lastly this bunk about a huge age difference dont matter is is bunk. The older you are the most likely any Brazilian woman will dump your butt after she gets tenure.
Stay away from these dating services – they are a scam and any fool that meets and marries someone after talking to them on there is crazy. But I guess if you meet someone and it turns out to be a sexual experience it is legal and not protitution.

At a certain time in life meet someone who has the same things you have cause you are too old to start over.

Brazil Women see marriage as partnership (NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT) but that I have to be number 1 in your life blah blah mentality and every one else has to disappear out of my life friends, family etc blah blah crap mentality wont work for me lol hahahaha. ermmm thats not love at all thats hijacking ,errm hostage love or marriage lol,.
So where does LOVE FOR ALL come in to the pscyhe of an average or typical brazilian spouse or girlfriend if that is the notion ? Well if this is really the notion and pscyhe of an average brazilian lady then
well unfortunately they have just lost me hahahaha.

BECAUSE FOR ME my parents and siblings and friends define my life and come they FIRST before ANY spouse or girlfriends, I will NOT sacrifice my friends and family just because I am in Love and or Married to a Brazilian lady. its just not gonna happen .Women can come and go out of your life any time and vice versa. SO FOR ME FAMILY AND FRIENDS COME FIRST. GOOD LUCK TO THE GUYS SUCKED IN BY BEAUTY AND BRAZILIAN “LOVE AND MARRIAGE PRISON” HAHAHAHA.

Hey Raymond, yeah I agree with what you say. Of course mom and dad comes first. Its not as bad as it seems, for example my cousin calls me he recently had a son ( in the beginning of us living together here in Europe ) his girlfriend and him were ahving trouble first child and all and he really needs to talk to me, I swing it by the wife that im going over there for 2-3 hours and she goes ballistic crying keep calling and crying. Well you can give in to this sort of childish behavior.or you just chuckle about it and go on with your stuff. Result she pouts and is grumpy, but she knows she dont control you and thats attractive to all women. But yeah things are different with Brazilian women and you need to be strong and asser your views aswell. If you give in to her every whim well, I actually think Brazilian women expect you to stand up for yourself and not give into them and this is where many western menf alter, they jsut see this gorgeus hot woman whos smoking and bed and theyre so afraid to loose her they forget theres about 100 million more women in Brazil and some are hotter still… so yeah you know. Dont give in to childish behaviour, when she sees it dont work with you, she will naturally come to the conclusion she gains nothing from acting silly.

In my case though I count my wife as my core family to. I mean if my child is 50%her and 50% me and 100% us, ofc the mother of my children should be nr 1 for me eprsonally, then of course I have strong drive to make my folks proud and achieve so I can guarantee a good retirement for them, our european pension systems have failed quite badly so we younger Europeans have to prepare for that to.

Great site. I wish i had seen it earlier. anyway, i married a woman from feira de santana, outside salvador, here in nyc. i divorced her because , prior to what we agreed before the marriage, she said if we had kids, her 10 year old would be jealous. she still wanted to stay married, i’ll admit. in retrospect, i married her for her womb – and her son was a real peice of work. looking back, i would have been better off having a child before he joined us. oh well. or just moving to salvador, and never coming back. tchau (eu aprendei portugues, ao menos)

ok…I know this is a old post…first I will apologize about my English!!! Well…sure I didnt read every single comment but I read the post and liked it! About the comments…some of them I didnt like. I am Brazilian, I like in Curitiba – South of Brazil – I went to USA once in a internship program in a hotel. I love american culture. Some of the posts here are really generalizing. What happens in Brazil is that every State you go you will see a different culture. I am from the South, now if I go to the North I will be scared about a lot of things. So it is really hard to say something about “brazilian women” … each one of us are so much different that its impossible to have a standard!! Well…thats my opinion and I had to share!! :D … by the way…I think american guys r cute!!!haha…and not looking for a Visa…I already have one ok??? if you wanna talk, advice about culture and everything e-mail me : camis.leme@hotmail.com. Tchau !!!

Pure and simple everybody…here goes 1.)It is better to marry within your own culture/nationality!I am an american male and I prefer to be with a woman that grew up in my culture. 2.)Most intercultural marriages do not work out and many of them terminate in divorce within five years.I do speak Portuguese to a certain extent and I would like to visit brazil someday in the future but I for the life would not want to be involved in a relationship with a brazilian woman period!No thank you I would rather be with a woman that grew up state side or an american woman that is of brazilian origin would be alright.Many brazilian women are usually not happy with gringo men especially when it comes to a sexual relationship etc.Brazilian women love sex and it takes a semi-quasi sex machine to please one also.Most american men don’t fit that category of men so again stick to your own kind that’s all I can say.

I don’t know where you got this from..”most intercultural marriage do not work out or terminate in divorce” the divorce rate in America is 60% regardless of the race. A study done back in 2008 shows that the divorce rates were only higher between white americans black americans (which bytheway are from the same culture) and white/asian couples. However for white male with Latin women the study showed no difference in the divorce rate compared at white/white ,so I guess your concept is wrong.. I am a Brazilian married with a Canadian man for over 10 years and I also know lots of couples that are married with women or man from Brazil for many years and they are happy together.
We are not “sex machines”, (stupid comment) and we are not high maintenance like many American women are…

What if I say that no one should marry a American man because Americans are dumb… Just because I met a dumb American american sometime in my life….savy gringo ,I am pretty sure that no decent women in Brazil would want date someone so closed mind like you!!!
Maybe you should go to Brazil and get to know us better before making stupid comments or making up statistics.

Very good Drika! I am trying to dismantle the myth that Brazilian women are cheaters and goldiggers and sexual addicts here.

Comment by Brasilmagic |
June 6, 2012

Oh I wish I was in the land of cotton…old times there not forgotten…look away,look away,look way…Dixie land!!!Proud to be from the american south!!!I gurantee you will practically never find any white southern american male with a brazilian woman that’s for sure!Oh I wish I was in Dixie..hooray,hooray…in Dixie land I’ll take my stand to live and die in Dixie!!!

One thing I heard from a few middle/high class American women was that they need to have a boyfriend even though they were married and that it was common in America. I was shocked but yet didn’t judged a whole country from that comment! This women by the way was Educated and had a good husband and very good life style! After living in the USA for 10 years I have met many divorced man who either were cheated on or they didn’t met their wives life style requirements! Yet 100s experience don’t make the millions American Women bad does it?

Now that Sexual statement is ridiculous and I heard that same stament from many internacional men about American Women and not only that but many are told before coming to America to never Marry a American Women. Because all they want is sex and money. I thought it was crazy!
As you can see people like you built an bad image of a whole nation and American Women has a bad reputation in some country probably because of ridiculous comments based in one person or small group of probably trashy people.

I met a bad Brazilian and she was trashy! I never forget how horrible was to hear her talk she was for sure a prostitute low, very low prostitute! She barely spoke her own language, now her husband such a nice guy his Ex-wife an American she was his high-school sweet heart she cheated for years with his Family doctors who also was a Friend of his parents. Now he goes to Brazil and end up with the worse Brasilian I have ever seen. It is because he was DUMB clearly wasn’t his upper head who picked that girl and eyes was clearly not involved since she was not pretty, sure the breast implants helped but it wasn’t much help. So I just hope when his life become hell that he don’t blame all Brazilian Women but his ignorance for thinking that good women can be picked out on discussing, low class stabelishments. That is one of the reason Brazilian Women do not like strip clubs what values you built there??? No matter how fancy and classy they may be!

Im a Brasilian married to an American and we have been married for 5 years! I can say he is my soul mate. We got married 3 months after meeting for the first time. We took a risk but there is one very importante thing we look at before jumping to a marriage, we secretly just to ourselfs, looked at each others family.

Here is my advice look that persons family and history and it will help a lot to have an idea on what may they become.

I was barely a middle class in Brazil and I was not razed by my parent, who are my dependets to this day, but I had a good Family we are far from being perfect but our moral, principles/values was above our culture, our education and our religion. My husband family is the same way.

Wow! I’ve read some of the comments here and I must say I’m kinda stunned. I’m from AFRICA,NIGERIA to be specific. I’ve always had this fantasy of marrying a brazilian cos I had this friend in the higher institution whose mother was brazilian & father was Nigerian. I still wanna date & possibly marry one good true brazilian lady. I’m currently living in Nigeria though. Any help/suggestions/link ups would do.

After being in relationship with her for 8 years, she left me, i did everything possible to bring her back but all was in vain. I want her back because of the love I have for her, I begged her with everything i could, I tried to entice her with money, made promises but she refused. I explained my problem to Dr. Kenny online and he suggested that I should rather email a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring her back but I am the type that never believe in spell. I taught about it severally and I had no choice than to try it, I emailed the spell caster, he told me there was no problem that everything will be fine before four days, that my ex will return to me before four days. He cast the spell and surprisingly on the third day, that was at about 17:00pm. My ex called me, I was so surprised, I answered the call and all she said was that she is so sorry for everything that happened, that she wanted to return to me, that she love me so much. I was so happy and told her to come, she came to me the following day and we started living together again. Since then I have made a promise that everybody will never have a relationship problem that I will direct them to the spell caster to help them. Anybody could need the help of the spell caster, his email is oldreligoin@gmail.com you can email him if you need his assistance.

I listen to everyones comments on here,and I noticed that many people especially in North America,are very naive,when it comes to dating and marrying abroad. Here’s 1 main thing to keep in mind. When you are exploring love in a foreign nation,one of the 1st things you should acknowledge is the financial currency difference from your own country where you reside. Why? Because If you live in a country where the citizens don’t earn USD,CAN,Pounds,Euro,Sterling,HKD,or some significant monetary.Then you and your family probably have already long since wanted to get out of there,and go to another country where you can make a better life for yourself. Alot of times,when a man marries a foreign girl,her parents or other family members stay behind,not because they love it so much and the never want to leave. It’s because it’s difficult usually for them to legally or financially follow the girl and go to that other country together as a family. Just keep in mind,Brazilian women are the least type of women that want to come to USA,Canada or some other so called flourishing place just for money. It happens in every country stories like many of yours here at this site. Russia,Asia,The rest of Latin America,Africa,Europe,all over men are scammed,rammed,and ka bammed for their loot and then they got the boot. Some men even ended up dead,I’m just saying.But,please don’t shun the Brazilian woman,based off a few peoples past bad experiences.I mean really if a guy looks like Rush Limbaugh from America and your girl looks like Shakira from Brazil.Then of course,she wants some money,you think your gonna take a dip in her Mousse de Maracuya for free.Come on! Every Brazilian woman is different just like in any country. In America,you got whores and you got girls that think they are still virgins but their track record speaks for it’s self,there’s good girls and bad girls anywhere.

If you got a beautiful Latina/Brazilian Queen, who cares if she wants the world. You are blessed even just to have her. I know men who would kill to get out of America just to even visit Brazil It makes them aroused just to even think about the possibility.So what’s alittle money sent over seas for the family. If you were with most North American women who are born and raised. They would want more than a Brazilian woman. They would want half,the bwm,and then when you mess up,they want to take your house,and the kids. So really there’s no comparison. Enjoy the Brazilian woman,no matter what a woman is,she’s always going to want alittle something for herself and family,especially if she don’t got nada. It’s only right,and if your complaining about money. Then get your weight up. Cause if you got money,then money aint a thing,like J-Z the rappyer says Riiiiiight? Peace and Love!

Drika most american men are ignorant!I don’t how any american man could hook up with a brazilian woman period!Why would a brazilian woman show any intrest in an american man?American men are not capable of keeping a brazilian woman happy!

Savy Gringo,
Speak for yourself. I’m Brazilian married to a wonderful American man for 4 happy years. We both work and our life is very well balanced financially and emotionally.

If you are interested in an honest, stable relationship, first you need to be interested in knowing the person you want for your partner. If you don’t see other as a human being, you will never have a meaningful relationship. A Perfect person is something that doesn’t exist and never will. Everyone has its qualities and its problems, learn the problems before getting married and see if you are capable of living with them. Qualities are very easy to find and like, but the negative side of people needs a lot of LOVE and comprehension until you are able to live with. Blame your failures on your immaturity and/or ignorance, and not on nationality.

How ignorant is your comment? Obviously you have not been with the right American Man. Maybe your personal preference is Braziian men. Because to categorically cast all American Men as incapable of pleasing a Brazilian woman is just plain ignorant.

This is unrealistic. Brazilian women are gold diggers, the vast majority are. Whether she has a good job that pays well, if the family is rich, or whatever, she’ll always be thinking about their heritage. The divorce laws in Brazil are favorable ampalmente many women seeking rich men to marry and separate shortly after, the average duration of marriages today in Brazil is 7 years. With foreigners is worse, they are primarily interested in leaving the country with om abroad and then split up to get the money. They are arrogant, overbearing and find the maximum, because the Brazilian culture praises women for nothing. Currently they are extremely promiscuous.

This is for anyone who cares to respond, I met a Brazilian woman on a site called “Amolatina”. She lives in Belo Horizonte and we have “supposedly” been exchanging letters for 6 months now through this site. I say supposedly because I am still not sure that SHE is the one that has been writing me and not some anonymous translator from the agency. Anyway, I decided to get a visa and go to Belo Horizonte to meet her to see if there is true chemistry between us face to face. I plan on being there for 4 days. Anyone have any recommendations on what to say to her to get her to like me for me and not for a marriage visa to the US? Any signs from this Brazilian hottie that will tell me if she is into me or not? I have been to Brazil to party but not to meet a potential girlfriend. Any recommendations from actual Brazilian citizens would be most helpful to me. panama68a.

Alvin, I am a brazilian citizen, I know your comment is from months ago, but I will answer it anyway cause I think this should be useful for other people. Please, do NOT trust those websites!!! Try the popular ones, Facebook for example (randomly add people, try to make friends, join groups with your interests that type thing)! But if you insist on using a website where you can put up your info and advertise that you want a relationship, please go to harmony.com or match.com.. they have people from other countries too, including Brazil, and they’re all a hell of a lot more trustworthy!! If the websites you’re using are not that well known, there is a very good chance the women you meet through them are gold diggers or worse.

I was born in the midle of world, where the Equator line divides the earth, extrem North of Brazil.
I came from a traditional family where we learned yo listen and respect the advices of our Great, Grandparents. My father did teach me write and read when I was 4 y.o! Grandma taught me botanics and natural medicine, living besides the Amazon Forest and the River is necessary to know. Under the tradictions of family, married when I turned 15. My son was born when was 17. Same time that I finished the school. With 19 I was at second year of Marketing and advertising at University in Sao Paulo, the big city with million of people. Yes, I had a maid and support from my family and friends, in Brazil we do love our friends like a second family. My mom is nursey, father is chemical engineer. With 21 I decided divorce the father of my son, he is 2 y older than me. I broke a tradition and decided be by my own, I had engage my self to find my path in this world. In the meantime I worked for the big companies in Brazil including the Americans too, like Mattel, before Mattel decided had a base in Brazil. I raised my son, I had fun, travel a lot, and worked very hard. I decided change my career with 34 y.old. I back to school and study a specific chemical studies. I learned the Environmental Solutions for the Oil and Gas industry. The knowledge that grandma shared when I was young help me find the Organic solutions off shore and on shore. With 37 y.o I’ve met my husband. For the first time in my life, I felt that was the love of my life. We work to same industry. He is Canadian. Because we married, we move to Canada and after that, I experienced to met the most greed, proud and evil people in the world: the North American people. I’m not generalizing, but it was a lot! It was a shock for me!!!! I had a chance to travel from Victoria, Vancouver Island to Quebec City and visited 29 states in USA. I was volunteer for some social programs to help special needs kids, who suffered abuse in many ways. I used everything what I learned in my life to help women’s in shelters to rebuilt the confidence! It’s a shame how the numbers of abused children are growing in North of America. If for some strong reason I have to split my relationship with my husband I will never married again a man from North America. They are cold, can’t appreciated the good care, can’t be happy with simple things like hear the birds, I’m the wolf person who love to hug trees, I have faith in God, I’m a good mother, I came from a not perfect family, but, always felt the love from my folks. I have a strong sense of team work and share, I can speak 9 languages. Im living now in Thailand. Yes, I’m Brazilian!

Tata, do you have any advice for me going to Belo Horizonte Brazil to meet a woman I began writing for 6 months from Amolatina agency? I am wondering what to say to her to get her to like me and not just for a marriage visa.

Ive been with my Brazillian gf for half a year now, but I dont see her for another half a year, ad Iive half way round the world in NZ and her in Brazil and we only see each other in holidays. Her culture and background involves alot of partying and boys, and has admitted to cheating on every single one. And now I am contenplating whether I should continue such a long distance relationship.

Yes, because of course, you are a saint, that never cheated on anyone. Get a life and give me a break. How many more weak men will come ask such stupid things? IF YOU ARE SO GOOD, WHY DO YOU NEED TO FIND A WOMAN FROM THE OTHER SIDE OF THE WORLD?? What is your problem, can’t find a woman close to you?? Freak weird.

Brazilain women can never be faithful mate!You as a Kiwi will never be able to keep a brazilian woman happy!A brazilian needs to be with a brazilian man because only a brazilian man can have sex non-stop to please a brazilian woman!!!

I love them too. Despite all the negative comments I see here sometimes, I think Latina ladies are fantastic. They are so warm and caring. My Brasilian girl is the most attentive gf i have ever had. She is smart and funny and generous to a fault…makes me feel like a prince. A real little gem. Don’t believe everything you hear about Latin people…

Cheaters are all over the world, there’s not such thing as latinas will necessarily cheat on you, or want to get married for the visa. Like ANY other country Brasil has all kind of people, rich, poor, ugly, beautiful, normal, sick. At least we don’t have thousand of serial killers, we don’t have rich freak boys who shot and kill their friends on schools just because they are bored – empty lives and minds.
What 65% of marriages ending in a divorce says about American people? We have strong values and we are family oriented. I think this cry babies that post their comments here should find a woman in their own city/state/country and marry her. If they are so good over there why look for women from here? Maybe because they don’t have a life, they hide behind a computer because they are incapable to have a real relationship, hun?

Hello guys, so I read all the stories and comments from everyone. I also want to share my experiences, and need some help and advices.

So here is my story. I met this girl from Brasilia 2 yrs ago on the internet. we chats for some 3 months and prosposed each other after some months and started dating. I live in canada and she is in Brazil. we are doing distance relationship till now and planning to get married next year. till now everything went well, we saw lots of ups and downs even doing distance relationship. we love each other, have plans to stay together and get married. I talked to my parents that i want to get married to this girl however my parents are not ready for this step.

being coming from traditional family, i have no issues marrying her but i want to convience my parents and get married to her only. I am trying to sort out the differences these days. we come from different countries, different religions and different cultures. My gf is still trying to manage this situation. She is very emotional and has plans to come to Canada and stay with me here after marriage. One thing i cant understand is that she is getting annoyed and deseparated to stay with me. I know she loves me and i love her too. she is educated, working as a teacher there and comes from poor family. I am still trying to understand her more. I am looking for some suggestions that she is not just coming for money only and supporting her family in Brazil.

@fun2have: If I was her, I would kick your ass. Show her this website and let her see what are you asking. Would you ask the same if she was from i.e. Texas? Same situation, would you? But because she is from Brasil, so you guess she wants to get married because she wants you money. Brazilian women must wake up, North American men are weak, they are used to be USED by women, that marry and leave them after cheat and take their house, cars, kids, dog, clothes. They DESERVE this kind of women from their own country, after all, they are the majority.
Do you want an advice? Be a man, have some balls and TALK TO HER about your fears. I bet you wont. You guys are not man enough to be open honest right??
Tired of reading lots of bullsh*t on the comments here, get a life.

I dunno…..I tend to disagree. I dont think ass kicking is the solution. I think that anyone who starts to appear desperate is basically suspect. I think western men do actually have to be on their guard with regards to gold diggers. There are loads of posts here about western people have been burned by latins just looking for the green card or a handy wallet. I dont think its a coincidence. But also I believe that Brasilians should be wary of western men who have some unrealistic expectations of Brasilian women. I DO agree wtih Brazilian Women Rock when she say that FunT2Have should talk to his partner about this. If you can’t talk about it maybe it’s a sign and you should reconsider you options. If I were Fun2Have i would talk with my partner and and if i didnt get satisfactory answers I would monitor their behaviour. If she appears to be trying to force you to commit to marriage in an urgent way I think I would walk away. Oh and Brazilian Women Rock…just because a guy asks questions doesnt mean that he is uncommitted to the girl. And you shouldnt suggest that he isnt a man because he wants to know where he stands. You just sound angry and partisan. Why shouldnt a person ask questions about a partners conduct? Talk is the currency of a relationship.

Comment by simon |
September 8, 2012

Yes, he should ask MILLION times about everything. TO HER. Not come to a website and say she is trying to steal his money. I dare him to show this website to his “girlfriend”, if he is a so brave man.
So, tell me, why do you guys need to look for a partner in another country??? I have so many friends in USA, Europe, Asia, women, single, gorgeous, independent, smart, funny…. what is wrong in to date someone from USA/Canada/Belgium/Whatever? To me this means 2 things:
Either men over there are not good enough, so they need to “fool” themselves (and women) using internet to have a relationship; and when it come close to reality, they run away;
Either they think no women are not good enough, no matter where they come from. But it’s easier to blame on who lives miles and miles away.

Angry? No, but tired of reading so many WEAK men that come here like lil sissies cry about “that brazilian bitch is/was a gold digger”. Great, find a wonderful woman close to you and marry her.
It’s not in Brazil that divorce rate is 65%. Who is really with the hands in your pockets, hun?

I just hope more and more brazilian girls come here to read everything, they need to wake up to who are the “great” gringos that they are falling in love with.

Hey guys, relax. I am not writing my life here to make anyone down or make fights. I am looking for some suggestions and how can i talk to my gf. I am not accusing anyone, i am looking for some sensible advice. Every place has its good and bad. I am not North American, i am living and working in Canada and planning to settle down here.
We both love each other and these complications are coming from my family side. They are thinking that this girl can do something like this after marriage and take money, ask for divorce and her share. She is educated girl working as a teacher but she is coming from poor family and as i read from previous comments and sections that girls from poor family tend to do like this.

Fun2Have, I don’t know your gf so I can’t comment on her, but I can share with you some observations about how I perceive intercultural marriage.
I’m from Rio, from upper middle-class background, although my family never had any money. I decided to go live abroad for myself and maintained myself through my own work, always, I NEVER lived off a man. I know people from lower classes that do the same, and people from upper classes that do the opposite. It is not about how much money you have, but how you were educated at home. Getting to know some of her family dynamics can help you understand how she will behave in future. Try to understand in her clues for what is important to you: family relations, religion.

I met my American husband online, but not on a dating site, it was on a Catholic site. I wasn’t looking for an American bf/husband, I was looking for a Catholic man who would have the same expectations in life, share the same beliefs, give the same importance to family as I do. We got to know each other well online, then we started to visit each other in either side of the “pond”. The way he wanted to be there for his elderly parents, with lots of health problems, really got me, as he would have no objections in case I need to go to Brasil and care for mine too. And being a thoughtful son showed me how he could be also a caring father. So we share the same expectations. We decided to leave England a few months after our wedding because his father got much worse and my husband wanted to help him in his last days. We had a very rough start in the US, and his rich family didn’t take any notice of it and never helped us in any way (and I’m not talking about financial help here), but my poor retired Brazilian mother, did send us some money to help us get back in our feet, and my husband is very grateful to her. I did meet more dishonest people in the US then I’ve ever met in Brazil, but those were my circumstances, not all American people are dishonest or all Brazilian people are friendly helpful creatures.

Check your gf environment and background and confront that to her thoughts about having a family. Some people use a negative background as a model of how not to lead their lives, some others just follow along the example. No one can know for sure what goes in somebody else’s minds, but their behavior – and not their words – can give you a good clue about what is there to come. Good luck!

Hi Vicky, thanks for your suggestions. I will add more to this. My gf was never closed to her mom. Her mom never treated her in a good way because of family issues. She was raised by her aunt since she was 14. Now she lives alone but she loves her brothers, grand mom and other family members. She had seen bad moments with her mom, that’s why is not very attached to her mom. She is educated girl being raised in a poor family. As per her talks i can see that she has family values and believe in a family, husband and kids. Though when she was going with bad moments she never thought that she would get married and have kids and family. Her perspective has changed in last 2 years being with me and now she wants to have a family with me. She is caring with me and always ask me if i am eating properly and taking care of my health.

Talking about religion, she believes in god and her religion but she doesn’t like going to church however she does pray everyday from home. My worry is that she is getting very possessive and desperate with the situation these days. I am trying to make her calm and supporting her the way i can but sometimes its not easy to control her.

Comment by fun2have |
September 11, 2012

Then they say I am “angry and partisan”.. he is “dating” this girl only VIRTUALLY for 2 freaking years, she is patiently waiting to get together and now that she’s losing her patience he says she is “very possessive and desperate with the situation”? Well, hello? Most of women would NOT EVEN wait a year for you, what are you a Prince or a Arabian Sheik for god’s sake? After 2 years talking to this woman daily, are you not sure what she wants from you?

One more time, what i see here a weak person who wants to online “date” women for years after years without commitment.

Comment by Brazilian Women Rock |
September 12, 2012

Fun2have,

I dont believe She is desperate because She is looking for money or a Green card. I thInk your girl did not build trust yet in this distance relationship, because She doesnt see any plans. Platonic love is nice but it can be very frustrsting, dont you think?
I am sure She is having à hard time trying To explain To family and friends what it is really Going on between you too. People around her… In special men…saying To her everyday where is your boyfriend? Hummm he is abroad? Are you sure he is not playing you?
Is he taking this serious?
Trying To create doubts and make you Lose your hope. I know because as soon as I made serious plans with my boyfriend I felt much more secure. And it didnt matter what people would say To me I wouldnt Care. My friends really believe that something was happening when I had moved out, then they had no words. And now they ask me To introduce them To nice honest and respectfull men.
Well I think The best way To ask her questions is for you To understand what She has in mind for her future, what She feels about The relationship, The commitment…I think you should go straight To The point about what you want , fellings and expectstions.
Maybe it is time for you To go To Brazil, see her family, friends, her work enviroment.
If all goes well I am telling you … You Will be with this girl. If not, well at least you had an adventure in Brazil.
Plus: your parents do not have To like anything. WHO Will spend The rest of her life with her it is you not them. I know it weights and it might take time for them To trust her because they dont know and of course they are concerned.
My parents were too, but now they see My cousins having complications in their relationship and they see how My partner commited toeverything he Said.

Dont be scared To date à girl that come from à “simple” family. We are not gold diggers or prostitutes… In fact I believe we are too stupid To easily fall in love….

Comment by Emanuela Rosa |
September 10, 2012

Hi I met a brazilian woman online not a dating site, but in a chatroom. I’m 46 and she is 27. I know that is a big age difference, but we are fine with it. I’m not rich by any means and she knows that. We have been talking for about 4 months and I’m planning a visit around the first of the year. She is sweet, kind and loving and she is also a little overweight and I’m perfectly fine with that. I told her how much I care for her no matter what and she really appreciates that from me. She is the sweetest person I have ever met and I hope and see no reason why that would change, but who knows. I just know the last 4 months have been wonderful, although we have never met in person. I guess with all this rambling, my point is that not all brazilian women are not gold diggers or that materialistic. The lady I met is very loving and expects it in return, but who doesn’t? She loves the attention I give her and also my compliments and I mean every thing I tell her and I’m sure she is the same. Anyway I hope all turns out well for our future relationship and I want to wish everyone here the best of luck in finding a man or woman that treats them like they deserve and I want to treat mine like a princess as I believe she deserves. My sound wimpish, but I believe you get what you give in a relationshiip.

That is very positive comment about us Brazilian. I really hope you have a wonderful relationship with her that seems to be a nice woman. I am from Brazil and we are not gold digger, we are love and respect diggers! I am “carioca” from Rio and I have a website that connects foreign men with Brazilian ladies from all over the world. Those ladies are family oriented ladies that look for love relationship and we love our men for what he is and not for what he has. If you have any interest in get know some nice and beautiful Brazilian lady, please check out my website, there is no commitment on your 7 days free trial: http://www.amobrazilian.com Thank you!.

my fellow americans lol as Bush would say… I love brazilian women, they are hot and sexy…but.. they are complicated women, would I merry one again? Hell no, would i live with one more then 3 years no, would I have kids with them? NO WAY… the ones living in the states are mostly into Green cards and sugar daddys, dont feel stupid its the truth…either that or they’ve gotten divorced by the former brazilian husband and also have no papers and are tired of being a brazilian house wife…because first of all depending on their age, they wouldnt have the time or day with a brazilian men, mainly because there are to many fish in the sea in brazil, and a brazilian men wouldnt be merrying an older chick or take care of her children.

Buddies dont be fooled by the sexyness and the hot body, stick to our original american girls… dont say I didnt warn yall

P.S and what my buddy up there said about bi-polar desease you nailed it…99.9% of them have it! oh you dont believe me? go see a shrink!

Statistics on that Smith? I have not seen generalizations like that in a long time. So many accomplished and educated Brazilian women out there (starting with our President!). As usual, a bad experience with a couple of women do not justify calling a nation of 170 Million people, half of which are women, bipolar. Shame on you.

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hi … i am an irish man going through the very same… i empathise so much with many of the things i have read here,i see so much that i recognise. i have decided i cannot live like this …life is too short… we have beautiful boy and nice home but never enough. always send ing money home and yes buys shoes and jewellry ,clothes etc… i am ready to leave only for my son. but i also know now that this cannot keep me. my own personal mental health is suffering. when she sees that she has gone too far … i see an angel as beautiful as anything i could ever imagine and after few days its back to the demon from hell … i also worry about the bi-polar thing but think maybe she is using this to protect herself. i will always love her but we cannot live like this and i will always support her well.
there is a repeated pattern of behaviour over and over again and i am finished with this. the only person with any word of warning was my local catholic priest…. ha !! he was right.. take care and remember … we aint here for a long time… we here for a good time !!

I am 36, I was born in Brazil but I came to the USA when I was 13. I have never had a Brazilian girlfriend but all the times that I have tried, it was a total disaster. I guess, I never realized how Americanized I had become until I went to Brazil this last time. I can’t get used to this “dramatic” way of being- Brazilian women take everything personally and get offended over the slightest things, not to mention all the jealousy and the drama. I lived with an American girl for 6 years and we had our own private lives, her Mom respected everything we did and never got into our business. Now, try dating a Brazilian woman with a crazy Mom, they will try to get into your business, control your life and even take from you if given the chance. I don’t meant to offend anyone but I find the American way of doing things much more rational and civilized, I definitely value my privacy, my individuality- a concept that is foreign to most Brazilians.

I have been living in the home of my GF´s mother who is suffering from Hodgekins (sic) and old age. Despite the comstant complaining that this old woman does, I am having a few complaints about the dynamics of my gf´s son and my his mother. I understand the strong bond where the family unit is very important. In fact, in America, this is the way I was raised steeped in this tradition although I am not of brazilian decent. However, I find it strange that my GF treats her son in part like a two year old. He is 24 years old and is going to college in another city far from the city we are currently in now. There is another side to this relationship that I also find a bit bizarre. I see that when he gets into his heated discussions, I have reoccurring memories of how SOME of the Hispanics from the city where I live in the states treat their wives when they get into heated discussions..Can anyone explain why this piece of 24 year old know-nothing gets away with making his mother cry in these kinds of discussions? Alright, the kid has panick disorders, asthma and a bit of ADHD in my estimation, but we would NEVER think of treating any member of our parents like this. Yet like the strange relationship they have, they treat each other like close friends on the days where it´s obvious that I get weirded-out by their behavior OR on days when he doesn´t have too much on his mind. He is on vacation right now. He sleeps most of the day..and he goes out at night with his friends. She wants me to marry her, but I having conflicting thoughts about that. I am 60 years old and she is 56 years old. She is a lovely woman, but she has this baggage. I feel that I´m too old to take on this baggage. I don´t need it. My plan is to return back home. She wants to go with me, but I´m really having conflicting thoughts about the whole thing!!! Thanks for listening..thanks for the site and God bless you!

Your GF is not prepared to let her son grow up. It could be guilt from the divorce or fear of being alone (she might sense that you are torn). I’ve heard stories like that before. Fathers with only daughters, mothers with only sons. It seems like you will have to tell her the truth: her son needs to move out and be responsible for himself and she should focus on YOU. Yes, some Brazilians coddle their children too much. Tell her how you feel about it. She needs to understand her son will have his own family maybe soon while you will be her family.

I was born in Brazil, came to the USA when I was a young child and the relationship dynamics that you are describing are very much part of Brazilian culture, honestly I find it pathetic! Most of my childhood friends who are now 35 years old still live with their parents and have the same lifestyle they had when they were 18- a lot of them are unemployed but still living this “party lifestyle” funded by their parents. Even though I am Brazilian, I don’t believe in this way of raising children and some of these ” adult kids” are totally unable to function on their own, deal with life or even hold a job. My parents “kicked me out” when I was 18 and I think, it was one of the best things they could have done. American culture is superior in so many ways, so I honestly think you should give up on this deal because she will NEVER change!

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Hi. Tomorrow night I have a first date with a Brazilian woman that has been in the US for 3 years. She is middle aged as am I. Like many Brazilian women, she is gorgeous. Might be dumb question, but what is the standard protocol with sex? Let me give you a standard progression “base line” for comparison: Generally, Date 1: Kissing, Date 2: Petting, Dates 3-5: Sex. I say generally because obviously if there is good energy the timeline can be pushed up. But that is not the norm. Is it about the same in Brazil? Or is the culture more “old fashioned”? Thanks in advance!

You will know if she wants to have sex, the talk, the gestures and the way she looks will tell you. In Brazil I do not believe this rules work.
It really depends of her mood, intentions and how she feels about you, but she has been in the US for 3 years and she is middle age, so maybe it won´t happen in the first date. Go without expectations and just let it flow…

Hello Smooth: this timeline you are talking about depends on each individual woman. It depends on temperament, shyness level, moral compass, instant attraction, impulsiveness. It is also a generational issue. Some women have no problems in having sex with a man she hardly knows, others need to feel comfortable after knowing him a bit longer-for weeks or a month or more. And others will never have sex with you if they are not attracted. I really can’t tell you what the timeline of Brazilian women is, since it depends on so many factors. I know women of my generation might wait a bit longer until she knows you better. Sometimes there is kissing on the first date, sometimes not. Since Catholicism still weighs heavily in many Brazilian women, they might wait a bit longer than Anglo-Saxon women. But virginity is no longer a virtue in Brazil, even for young girls. My advice: pay attention to your GF’s body language. Does she seem receptive to you? Is she flirting with you back? Does she touch you when she talks to you? Don’t make the mistake of asking for sex on the first 3 dates. Let it happen naturally.

You answered what I need to know. She isn’t going to be shocked and insulted if I try–she will think I’m just another guy, be he Brazilian or American. That is what I was really trying to find out…Thank you for the swift reply!

Why are Brazilian women so gorgeous? Have you already written a post on this? I know it is speaking in generalities, but holy cow! I’ve noticed it all my life that a disproportionate number of model-quality women come from that country…

Could a brasileira please tell me why so many brazilian girls when they get married to a gringo think that it is OK to keep sending large amounts of money back to Brazil (normally to her parents, but could be other family members). I have seen it time and time again, generally ‘nice’ brazilian girls who somehow think it is OK for her gringo husband to pay all the household bills and at the same time she sends large amounts of money ‘back home’. Don’t they realise that they have entered a partnership with their new husbands and they are expected to make some type of financial contribution to the new family unit. I am talking about girls who have been living in their husbands country for quite a while and with reasonably paid jobs (i.e. $2,000 – $3,000 per month).
I am also talking about where they send large amounts of at least $400 a month back to Brasil. It is simply unfair and causes huge resentment.

Tim, first, every brasilian knows that the current exchange rate is 2 brasilian reais for every US dollar so they think americans can afford this. secondly, the brasilian culture, especially when it envolves family members, requires them to help each other, and third, almost every brasilian will attempt to exploit a foreigner for their money.

Hi Tim! I can understand your ressentment about that. I am a Brazilian woman and I have never been to your country, but I can assure you that this also occurs among Brazilians here but is not as frowned upon as it is for Americans and it is not practiced as often. However there is a strong root of regional culture in this behavior: in 1923 began intensifying the flow of Brazilians from the north to other parts of the country in search of better job opportunities and most of these people assumed the responsibility to financially support family members who stood in their hometowns. It is possible that many Brazilians feel pressured to continue this practice because of the duty which they believe they have with their families when it comes to money and emotional caring. In Brazil it is expected that people give financial support to their parents as much as they did for their children whenever necessary and more so if their parents are elderly and / or sick. Much of this seems to be changing since past two decades but the whole cultural shift takes time …

Yesterday, while I was at work, my sister stole my iphone and tested to
see if it can survive a 25 foot drop, just so she can be
a youtube sensation. My iPad is now destroyed and she has
83 views. I know this is totally off topic but I
had to share it with someone!

Hi, I wanted to reply to you. I also posted a comment about my situation so take a look at that if you will…
Anyway, I am not unattractive, I have very good physique, many girls ask me why I am single. I say its because I am looking for a girl who is wife material, all the girls that like me just want to have fun…

I have full time job, stable, very nice, I am pretty awkward though, but only at first. I warm up and then I am normal and can have a great personality. The thing I am having trouble with is finding true love. I do not want a woman from United States (Where I am from) because women here are more like men… Very few I met have good morals and values. Girls here have had more sexual partners than I have, and I am a guy. I find it very difficult finding a true respectable woman… I think I will move to Japan or something…

Perhaps some of the troubles seen from relationships like these comes from the mismatch that occurred from the start. Many of the guys seeking girls from another country are guys that are in the lower levels of desirability here in America for whatever reason. That might have an awkward personality, unattractive, socially inept, etc yet insist on having a beautiful woman in their life.
Maybe. Just an observation.

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I have been dating Brazilian woman for last 7 months. We got engaged recently.
Now she moved to US and lives with me as a student.
We are planning to get married, but she wants to do that only in Brazil.
When I asked her for a reason, she could not give me a straight answer, and she seemed very confused and almost scared.
This is the first time in our short relationship when I got really alerted.
Obviously, something she is hiding from me, but not sure what.
Any ideas?

Just let her go. If she really loved you, she would have done more to have you with her. I’m a brazilian girl and I can say that when we love someone, we do everything to the person (of course, if he/she deserves). I feel really sad to hear something like that happened to you. When a woman find someone that is a gentleman, sincere and a guy to marry with, she doesn’t do anything to have that person besides her. And I’m sure that she will never find someone like you or like american guys here, in Brazil. =[ By the way… I wish all men were like you, guys. Because here, in Brazil, is hard, reaaaaally hard to find someone to trust in.

Hi, I found this very interesting. I met a Brazilian girl on a dating site. We seemed to get along great. We talked for months and she was planning to come visit in August. At first she was very nice and would message me every day. Later on, it was rare when I heard back from her. On her dating profile, she said she is warm-hearted, loving and all this. It also stated that she is willing to move to the US if you can find her a job or place to stay…

Anyway, I wanted to help her out anyway cuz she said her family was tight on money. She said she loved me and all that. Would send me videos saying she loved me, and even played me a song on a guitar. But she messages me less frequently. If I send a message, I wont hear a response for hours. And it will be a short one when she gets back. And I respond right away to her message and then she is gone for hours again…

When we began to get serious, we both took down our dating profiles. But recently, I found out she had it up again. (I did a google search for her username and it showed it was active and she was online again). I confronted her and she said she was just looking for friends and that I dont trust her enough and kept saying all this stuff. I just said I do not think any boyfriend would like her girlfriend on a dating site for whatever reason if they loved each other and were serious about each other… She just got mad and said I am too controlling. So I left her because I feared I was just being used. I dont think she loved me the way she said she did. She would always accuse me of thinking she was a whore, I never did. I just told her that I did not believe she loved e like she claimed. Otherwise she would not put up the dating site up again. And maybe if she loved me she could have made a little more effort into talking with me more. She would explode on me and say I cant talk with you 24/7. I said I understand, but you barely talk to me at all and since I can not see you and be with you in person, I think it is important that we communicate a little more. She would again get mad saying that I dont trust her and that I think she is a whore. All I wanted was to get to know her better and talk with her because I really wanted to get to know her because I loved her. She was very high priority for me, but I was very low for her, at least that is how she made me feel.

brazilian or not, bad girls exist on this planet. Just remember that any girls has a minimum of 40 pretenders queuing in her adresse-book. If she is prety, she will be adressed 10 times by day, when she walks in the street. On the other hand, except for alpha-males, how many girls are lining in the average male ? ZERO ! This is why a lot of girls take avantage of that, to behave as a tyrant to gain any advantages : material, moral, social, spiritual. Don’t fall in the pit, or she will one day swip her boots on your back ! Look for a girl, who can engaged in a balanced communication & relation . Don’t lie to yourself, as soon as you feel the perverted exchange, QUIT !

Today, I went to the beach with my kids. I found a sea
shell and gave it to my 4 year old daughter and said “You can hear the ocean if you put this to your ear.” She put the shell to her ear
and screamed. There was a hermit crab inside and it pinched her ear.
She never wants to go back! LoL I know this is totally off topic but I had to
tell someone!

Howdy! Quick question that’s completely off topic. Do you know how to make your site mobile friendly? My blog looks weird when viewing from my iphone. I’m trying to find a template or plugin that might be able to resolve this problem.
If you have any recommendations, please share. With thanks!

I’m not replying to the bisexual dude, what I want to know why marry a brazilian woman, you have other women like dominicans, colombians, and a host of other women you can date from. Brazilian women know they are the most sought out women in the world, so guess what you want whay they got inorder to tell your male friends I am married to a brazilian woman for bragging rights. I am a divorced black man I am not looking to get married as of this moment not ready for a srious relationship I am open to all women in South America, Centrall America, and across the Caribbean. My focus is not on just one nationality of women that would be narrow minded at best. My reasoning to date other women is I want to try something new outside the United States I want a new experience if along my journey THAT woman comes along so be it. But for right now, I am chasing my dream that is my priority and she can chase it with me if she wants.

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October 26, 2013

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Not going to church makes you what? Brainwashed according to whom? Maybe you were hanging out or observing those who call themselves Christians in name only the same broad brush these men are painting Brazilian women with you are taking that same brush and painting people of faith. The blind cant lead the blind or both will fall in the ditch.

Comment by Marcus |
November 19, 2013

When it comes to dating a foreign girl, American men should select the good girl. I think Brazilian women are very beautiful. They have tall figure and beautiful face. They are the most beautiful and strong women on this planet.

I dated a 2 Brazilian women and hung out with many others, but one of the ones I dated won my heart. I regret not marring her to this day, now is to late, she is married and has a family. I find some of these articles funny and sad. I just relocated myself & business to Houston TX and would like to continue my relationships with Brazilian wemen, they are cool, funny, fashioned and above all sexie. Can any one help me find the Brazilian communities here, love their food.

I wished for a long time my ex understanding our cultural differences, especially about relationship! Used to drive me crazy when he used to have his nights and weekends out w Uuuuhis boys smh…… he ended up Coming back to the white girls ….. :/

You need to be really precise here, so something like “Change my calendar on 10th November. It’s also incredibly important that you don’t stop living your life at this point. You can click the Black – Berry menu key and then go to the options choice to select which mapping application you prefer.

I have recently met a woman from Campina Grande on a online dating site. There is a language barrier, but I really don’t have major concern with that in the long run. She appears to be an absolutely lovely woman, but not being antiquated with Brazil or any of it’s socioeconomics or customs I am very cautious. We have spoken by Skype several times and we are getting to know each other. Keep in mind that I have only ever dated american women and am not used to a woman being so direct with me, but I can’t deny that I have both a strong physical & emotional attraction to this woman. I’m really at loss for direction and would greatly appreciate some advice.

Hey “looking for real answers”….if i were you i would just go visit her..see how she lives..what kind of person she is …Brasil is a great place to visit in any case!! My wife is Brasilian..we met online. I went 6 or 7 times to Brasil to meet her and her family (oh yeah you definately want to meet the family…family is so important to Brasilians..trust me) and my wife has come to North America 5 times. Now we are living together and so happy. My personal opinion is that Brasilian women make the best wives and mothers of anywhere. Maybe I am biased. My wife is a perfect wife and mum…kind sweet warm and lovely..I am a lucky man. You could have that too if you choose wisely. But if i were you I would go there..see if u like the culture..and her family…ALL of her family. If it works out you have a wonderful woman in your life. If not then you got a vacation with a pretty woman in one of the best places to visit on earth…u cant lose.

I think there are some really good stories here in the comments to take to heart. It is the same story for many men. Marrying Brazilian women may be rewarding but it can also be very dangerous. It is not for the weak-hearted, and certainly not for the man who is not willing to grow up with the challenge.

When people here speak of “bipolar disorder” they probably rather mean “Borderline Personality Disorder” (BPD). It is very common among women in general, probably 20% have strong traits of this personality dysfunction. And it seems like the Latinas, certainly Brazilians are prone to it. The trick here is that this personality type produces both very enchanting intoxicating parts of her personality as well as horribly hurtful and dangerous sides.

The first night I met my Brazilian love, I was so swept away. She was an angel sent from heaven for me. But I felt right then and there: she could flip out in emotional tantrums. I felt it and it was very thrilling for me, I smiled to myself, and I am still smiling today, after having been very hurt by her and lost her. But I can smile about the experience because I have grown up a lot in that experience and she has not been able to ruin my life, as she might very well have.

I met mine in person, and it was MAGIC! Then we switched to long-distance online, and it was a very rough roller-coaster ride, in part due to my complicated situation. But I know to beware of the false impression of long distance online relationships over MSN and Skype. There is actually positive aspects about the online style, if you stay alert. Save your messages and perhaps analyze a bit what is going on. You may more easily see common manipulation tricks which may tell you something about her character traits you may come to regret.

With all women be very weary of selfish, ego-centric, narcissistic behavior. This is very difficult to see for men who grew up in feminist culture. There is huge amount of lying on the side of women, stories of their victimhood and hard life, etc. But when you hear that from your Brazilian belle, try to really construct a good picture of the life of her Brother if she has one. Also try to figure out the true life of her father, consider these two people as your dear brothers and friends and look at them with compassion, do not believe the negativity in which she may spin their stories. Try to see these people as humans, and THEN re-evaluate how much you pity the girl for her life experiences.

Also, when you hear stories about how her exes may have been bad men, take that with a grain of salt. Mine was hinting me how she had been victim of abuse, but did it in a certain manipulative style, dropping a hint and then “I don’t want to talk about it”. After a few years, you will most certainly see that she knows how to make a man really angry so that from one with little self control, she might provoke violence. Also, when she slaps you, take note. You may be able to handle this in good fun, but you can DEFINITELY NOT handle it in a feminist environment and mindset. “Violence against women” cult is extremely crazy, and VAWA in the USA poses a specific vulnerability for men with foreign women. And this crazy feminist obsession is taking hold in Brazil as well with the Lei Maria da Penha. Beware of a no-win situation. You need to educate yourself very well and do not believe any of the feminist bullshit. Ignore this advice at your own peril. You can lose all you have including your freedom.

I find this idea that Bazilian girls consider name calling a huge offense is to be taken with a huge grain of salt. Watch her language (and certainly learn Portuguese to be able to). What does she call you when she is in a rage? Canalha, foder se mesmo, idiota, burro, … Just like physical abuse (which includes slaps), if you hear verbal abuse, you should probably consider leaving the relationship. Except that it is VERY VERY HARD to leave her because you are possibly intoxicated by her allure. I know I still am, after over 1 year after a 3 year on-and-off relationship. The emotional hold the woman can have on you precisely because of her beauty and sweetness and mixed with the mood swings, drama, and bad behavior which keeps you on your toes, is intoxicating and you need to have a strong inner guidance and boundaries to pull yourself out of it.

Messing mother in law can go both ways. If MIL likes you, she can be your ally in reigning in your GF in a fit. But the MIL will certainly expect reward in return. This whole idea of financial expectations of the relationship with you by her family, including the brother, can be really suffocating. I would recommend never to export the Brazilian woman to the US for long (because of the negative influence the US culture will have on her) but also not to live too close to family in Brazil. It is very nice to know that Brazilian women expect to value the adult love over children, but watch out for truth in action! Many Brazilian girls will stay fused with their mothers and will use her child to distance herself from you. She will expect YOU to show her all undivided affection, but she may easily leave you hanging for hours or days while fusing with her mother. You can not accept that, living at least 100 km away seems like a good idea to me. But you will have to be the man in charge to enforce that, she needs to be weaned from her fusion, but you must of course give her attention, you must be somewhat possessive of her.

And beware again the feminist mind-games. You should be possessive of her and not “trust her”. She may tell you “não posso viver com um homem que não confia em mim” etc. but those are soap opera thinking patterns that are dishonest. If she is jealous of you, it may be projection of her own insecurities with her side of the commitment. Women, given the chance, cheat as much or more than men, they just hide it better, and men are told to be “grown up” and “trust” and not be “insecure” by mistrusting. Those are mind-games to make you an ass (burro) while she oversteps boundaries. A pretty girl in Brazil has dudes who will have no qualms of disrespecting you, more really than you have other girls wanting you. Just use logic: women want sex, good sex, no matter how much they lie about it, and men around you are very willing to oblige if she is pretty (and why would you be with a girl who isn’t pretty for at least 20 years into your marriage). Conversely, other women around you may covet you, but unless you are some hunk cut out from a magazine, possibly not just for sex, but for the ability of extracting long term benefits from you. The chances for that are slimmer. So, in reality there is much more risk in your wife cheating on you if you leave her to the opportunity than you cheating on your wife, and she knows that. She will never admit it, but see her jealousy as projection. Take note of much of the things she suspects you or complains about men or negates verbally about her intentions as statements about herself.

Example: when she and your MIL (sogra) tell you grandiosely “I don’t want you for what you have but for what you are” (“Ela te quer por quem você é, não para que você tem”), consider that they just discovered the thought that the exact opposite is true and they need to cleanse their mind (and especially YOUR mind) of that thought.

If you don’t know how to lead a woman, better not marry her. And don’t ever get into a dependent situation with her. Especially with age difference, pre-nup (“separação de béns”) is not at all an uncommon scheme when marrying. A man in today’s feminist world should NEVER marry without a pre-nup which clearly states that even his earnings stay his, and this question is a very good test to put before your woman. Love her with all your heart and take care of her, but NEVER get into a situation where she can control you by your financial balls. NEVER EVER. And if she does not accept your boundaries, if she explodes and dumps you after you in caring but determined way propose the pre-nup, then you are probably lucky you got away from her so easily. In my case, I had a crisis after this, but it was manageable and she was OK with it. She knew she could trust that I am a good man.

So much to write, I could write a book. Beware of her exes. 11 year old sons living away from her, is not a good sign. Several exes with children should be a no-no for you. What some of the guys are writing how they pity the girl for the low extortion money they receive from their exes, those guys are crazy! These women are pyranhas, you can give her slack for one misstep, one child from one ex is the max. But more than one is really spoiling the woman. You are clearly being used and then you become the next ex.

Finally for the moment, the risk of being taken for what you can offer is high with women from poor background. It is very tricky to deal with that. But if you think a woman from a richer background is safer, think again! She will demand more, like not having to do housework. And she will demand that from you! Watching your girl do laundry by hand in the backyard (quintal) is a very romantic thing, hanging the laundry together can be great fun (kissy kissy). She may want the washing machine, and you can make her happy with a $100 “taque”. There can be a lot of charm in this, I will never forget it, and her jeitinhos, how we collected scrap nails etc. for the time it would become useful. I felt like in my childhood in Germany one generation post WWII. The Borderline Personality Disorder which may result from an upbringing in the matriarchal society and may be a bit worsened by poverty and possibly violence (at the hands of the mother!!!) may in the end spoil her for you. And then you have to get over it. Make sure that you only break your heart, not your bank or your life.

All that said, I would go for it again. The high power emotions are so addictive. :)

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OK, here goes….
So, 3 years ago I was engaged. I felt happy and xonfudwnt that this women was who I wanted to share my life with.
Then the walls came crumbling down, and our relationship with it. I had 30 years of growing up to do, and 30 years of pain and fucked up hardships to sort through and understand.
That was in 2011.
So, here I am, 33, having grown up considerably, but not completely, and I realize that, in knowing myself, I have learned how much of an amazing individual I am. That’s not ego, I say that humbly and with humility.
Now I want to meet women, date, have fun, the way my 22 year old self did, but as the man ive grown into, with the mindset I have now. My confidence was shattered when my life went to hell, and the women I loved walked out on me.
Anyway, its there, I’ll retain all of it in due time. I’ve realized that Brazilian women are the most beautiful women that I have ever seen, in all ways. I live in ft. Lauderdale and “supposedly” there is a brazzo community here. OK, where? Lol
I mean, Brazilians seem like a myth to me. As if I’ll have better luck finding a pot of gold at the end of some rainbow I happen to pass by then I will of meeting a really cool and beautiful Brazilian women. What do I do? Any ideas, aside from the above post. I can’t act disingenuous, its not me and it shows. So if in not some “walking tall, cocky” guy which BTW, grow on trees here, and I’m not rich, don’t drive, ufh, am I screwed??
Can’t I just meet some Brazilian gal who’s such an intelligent, really cool, and TO ME, beautiful????
I often feel the decks been stacked against me, and I also feel that I’m the one doing the shuffling, and the stacking….
With sincerity, scotty

Just wanted to ask I ‘am Rolando New here on Brasilmagic Blog And I want to ask my first question is I ‘am an African American Gentlemen I believe fairly good – looking trying to be modest because I do not think of my self thinking that I ‘am all that?! I ‘am in my early 30’s do Brazilian Ladies like my kind of culture of a Man?! And when I ‘am there I would like to know a good brazilin lady that does take care of her body as well as she has a good personality?! I also want to know are the Women more about dating than here in the USA?! I ‘am a very single young African American Gentlemen well educated raised right! And I would like to have a Serious relationship with a lovely Brazilian lady someday when I can travel there?! please if somebody can give me some good feedback for a young Gentlemen like myself being Successful with finding a good Brazilian Woman