Nobody Asked Me But,

Each week, we review the world without any attempt to offer accurate information. These are the opinions and observations of a 77 year-old man.

I have a sad feeling when a bus drives by with only a few people in it. I was raised in the world of subway, trolleys and buses and would be content riding on them and never again setting foot in an automobile.

General Petraeus is an intelligent man fighting an unintelligent war caused by an unintelligent man for unintelligent reasons.

In order to eat “natural foods,” does sone have to be a “natural person?”

I could not find my wallet despite looking in my apartment. I concluded someone had entered while I was working downstairs and stolen it. I called the police a nice bored policeman entered. He assured me the wallet had not been stolen. It took him two minutes to find it underneath some papers. I received the look one obtains at age 77 when one has forgotten something, I believe it is the look one gives to the senile.

Alex Rodriguez makes $25 million a year. The other night he struck out four times. Does he give a discount for such performances?

Why do workingmen who wear white tee-shirts usually have pot bellies?

As dictator of America I will declare it a crime to give people butter in those little cups. By the time I can rip off the covering, my pancakes have gotten cold.

Why do I invariably slow down when seeing flashing yellow lights on the other side of the road?

I can never figure out why people pay to get a tan. I walk in the sun. My mother’s nickname for me as a child was, “schavazela” which translates into, “little black boy” or “little nigger boy” depending on your view of life.

I continue forget to wear my hearing aid. The good news is I never hear what people say at meetings.

If a person calls and I tell them it is the wrong number, aren’t I entitled to an, “excuse me?” If I don’t get one I will not answer the next time that person calls.

When was the last time you gave a moment of thought about Darfur?

Am I the only American who has neve watched a moment of Reality TV? If these people are so hot to trot about confronting danger, how about going on a combat patrol in Iraq?

If I wish to have some relaxation at night, I watch episodes of the old “Mission Impossible” TV series.

I was talking with a friend in a college cafeteria and mentioned this was my 51st year in education. I girl overheard and looked at me as though I was Lazarus coming back from the dead.

Why is it that I take it as a personal insult and an example of anti-semitism if I don’t win the weekly lottery?

I am always struck by the number of banks and churches in the St. Louis area. If a visitor from Mars came, it would conclude we Earthlings are mainly concerned about God and money. Or is it, money and God?

Why do Muslims get upset at cartoons but never demonstrate over construction in Mecca which is destroying historic sites in order to build things like a Starbucks?

There are 240 million guns in America. How about a shoot-oout at high noon among gun owners? It would certainly open up new job opportunities and make certain we need immigrants, legal or illegal.

Does anyone know of a single economic idea of John McCain that would actually benefit this nation?

How about locking leaders of Hamas, Israel, and the Palestinian Authority in a room for about two weeks? I think they would conclude they agree on being stubborn, stupid, and insincere about peace in the Middle East.

I was visiting a collge campus and noted not a single professor wore a jacket. My first year as a college professor I wore a tweed jacket with patches on the sleeve because professors in movies wore that uniform. As the child of uneducated immigrants, my knowledge of college came from being a student and movies.

Did you read the story about a baby born with two faces? I don’t know what is so unusual about a person having two faces, our president and vice-president fit the bill.