Mike Huckabee Says He's On The Right Side Of History, Is Not A Homophobe

Like all Fox News studios, there must be a perilous black hole on the set of Huckabee, causing it to be Opposite Day, every day. On his black hole of a show over the weekend, Mike Huckabee predictably railed against the Supreme Court's rulings in favor of civil rights, but surprised a few viewers who forgot to take their brains off when he made two laughable claims: he's on the right side of history being virulently opposed to equal marriage rights; he's not a homophobe.

"Same-sex marriage is newer than Google and the iPod!" so therefore, Huckabee insists, he's on the right side of history because he supports opposite-only marriage, which has been around since the 50s. Nevermind that same-sex marriage would've been around just as long as "traditional marriage" if bigots like Huckabee didn't successfully have it banned. That time—their time—is over.

"Despite the frothing of advocates to the contrary, I'm neither a homophobe nor a hater," Huckabee added. "I'm simple enough to believe that a marriage of one man and one woman not only is the only biological combination capable of creating the next generation, but in the context of a monogamous and committed relationship, it's the best context for children to learn how to replace their parents."

If marriage is strictly about procreation, Mike, how do you feel about adults over 50 getting married?

"If we’re determined to change the definition of marriage to accommodate how people feel and what they wish to do because of their mutual consent, then we should immediately release those incarcerated for practicing polygamy or bigamy. And, frankly, let’s make all consensual adult behaviors legal, whether prostitution, assisted suicide, or even drinking 16 ounce sodas in New York City."

And here we go again: Mike Huckabee, who is not a homophobe, has compared homosexuality to prostitution, suicide and polygamy. Nope, not a hater.