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Why Ridiculous Celebrity Baby Names Suck

Why celebrities are doing their kids a disservice by giving them kooky names.

I could read about, talk about and dream about baby names all day long. Some people might call me obsessed. I truly get upset each time I hear a bad name... a bad name in my opinion, at least. Too trendy, spelled too ''Kreatively,'' or a given name that sounds plain horrible when paired with the child's family name, are the kind of naming no-nos that really tick me off. I'd share examples of my least favorite baby names but those friends will eventually read this...

But when it comes to awesomely horrendous names bestowed on the babes of celebrities, I just don't care. None of us should, really. I'm convinced that most of them do it for publicity, which is all sorts of wrong. The others, like Shannyn Sossaman who named her baby Audio Science, are probably nuts. And who am I to judge the decisions of crazy people?

If you name your child Fifi Trixibelle, I won't even bother getting worked up about your awful decision. Poor Fifi Trixibelle is the daughter of Bob Geldof and Paula Yates. The name, which is unsuitable for even the fluffiest of dogs, recently claimed top prize for the most original name ever according to a U.K.-based ancestry website, Genes Reunited. The survey looked at more than 750 million birth records from the last 150 years and found that even names like Suri, Cruz and Apple had appeared more than once, but Fifi Trixibelle was truly one of a kind. Thank goodness for that. The name certainly doesn't pass the lawyer/president test.

The what test? Before I consider whether or not I enjoy a name, I ask myself, ''Self, would this name work if the child grows up to become a lawyer or the President of the United States?'' I have no idea why I chose these two professions. At any rate Fifi Trixibelle, and many celebrity baby names for that matter, do not fit the bill.

Then again by the time Nicolas Cage's son, Kal-El (as in Superman's Kryptonian name) is ready to run for office, maybe all of these weird names won't be so weird anymore. The Beckhams, who just named their fourth child and first daughter Harper Seven, are pioneers of unique baby names. Their eldest son's name, Brooklyn is now quite popular for girls, sitting at the 34 spot in the U.S. Similarly, Romeo and Cruz seem normal compared to the names given to recently born celebrity babies (I'm looking at you Alicia Silverstone). With several other celebrity babies sharing the same name, including the children of Neil Patrick Harris, Lisa Marie Presley and Dave Grohl, Harper is far from original. It seems that with her middle name, the Beckhams went weird just for the sake of being weird... even if it is a nod to her David's jersey number, her birthdate and weight. Kate Hudson Has A Boy & Victoria And David Beckham Welcome A Girl

1. Jenny Slate

Jenny Slate is brilliant. She's amazing. She's hilarious. Once your girl crush on Jennifer Lawrence fades, Jenny Slate needs to be your next you-would-totally-go-lesbian-for-her celebrity. Watch season 5 of Parks and Recreatio n… and you will understand. Plus she was on SNL, Jimmy Fallon and she once voiced Marcel the Shell. So, she's the best. The end.

2. Eddie Redmayne

After he wins the Oscar for best actor because he portrayed Stephen Hawking (and nailed it), you will know his name and you will never forget it. He's pretty sexy and will be in a movie called Jupiter Ascending with Mila Kunis and Channing Tatum.

3. Miles Teller

Yes, he's been around for a few years now, but on top of his Oscar buzz with Whiplash, he's got Insurgent coming out and he is playing Mr. Fantastic in the new Fantastic Four reboot. Basically, Miles Teller is going to define your summer.

4. Imogen Poots

Not that many people saw That Awkward Moment or Need For Speed, but with a name like Imogen Poots and five movies coming out in 2015, then your chances for becoming a household name increase immensely.

5. Adam Driver

Ah. Adam from Girls. Most of you already know his face, but Adam Driver is moving on in life into bigger roles like Star Wars, so prepare yourself for everyone to know about Adam Driver soon, even if you claim you saw him first.

9. Britt Robertson

10. Nat Wolff

Although he's done other stuff, Nat Wolff had an amazing role in The Fault in Our Stars and now he's back for another John Green novel, Paper Towns. If he's anything like Ansel Elgort, he is going to have a lot of ladies chasing him next year.

13. Natalie Dormer

14. Alfred Enoch

He might have been nerdy in Harry Potter, but now that he's the star of How To Get Away With Murder, we are pretty sure he's going to blow up this year, especially since that show is raking in the ratings. It helps that he's hot.

Jenny Slate is brilliant. She's amazing. She's hilarious. Once your girl crush on Jennifer Lawrence fades, Jenny Slate needs to be your next you-would-totally-go-lesbian-for-her celebrity. Watch season 5 of Parks and Recreatio n… and you will understand. Plus she was on SNL, Jimmy Fallon and she once voiced Marcel the Shell. So, she's the best. The end.