28 AN INQUIRY INTO THE. LITE,RAR. Y 5IGNIFICANC , IF ANY, AND TH ßAjlC ID OLOGY OF TH LA Tt MR. FLE G[NHEJM R "A boy has never wept nor dashed a thousand kim "-From the transcript of the deathbed ravings of Arthur Flegenhei/ller (Dutch Schultz), which Professor Leo Lelnchen of Newark Junior College has rited to his students as ""an exa77zple of Allzerican folk lzterature undoubtedly genuine though SOlnewhat obscure in 172eaning. n A boy has never wept nor dashed a thousand kim Yes, Professor, it is a pretty thing, And maybe, as you suspect, it's the McCoy, An unterrified American Voice coming From the parched lips of a dying hoodlum. But why should it puzzle you? For what he must have had in mind was this: "A moppet hasn't swinked nor gimpt a warb gazook." A bOJ' has never wept nor dashed a thousand kzm. Is it so soon forgotten, you scholars, That Schultz was master of that strange Tongue that's known as double-talk? Cruel, mocking, puckish, sly, He could do tricks with language, And, put simply, he was doubtless saying, "Miffdown along the lea where schatz still root-a-toot " A boy has never wept nor dashed a thousand kim. Simple ? Yes, Professor, but neither you N or all the cops in Christendom, En tranced by Mr. Flegenheimer's cadences, Have ever known what he was driving at. It scans, it's brave, it trips along, And what it means cannot be other than "i\ mugg wiU always gleave when whiffles corduIoy." A boy has never wrpt nor dashed a thousand kim. Did you, dear pedagogue, ever moan with fever (The Schultz thermometer read a hundred and six), With a belly full of leaden slugs, And try to dictate authentic Amelicana? No, but if you had, you might have said, As Mr. F. surely meant to say, "Brazoole is all that's gorlTI for Gideon Galloway." A boy has never wept nor dashed a thousand him Unhappy Dutch! Poor, unloved Flegenheimer, Crying "Mamma mia!," which all can understand, .L nd then leaving his mighty legacy In terms that baffle savants, .i--\.nd from his bursting heart the words escaping, ',Vhich, loosely translated, add up to this: "The oofle ningus boff in any five and ten." A boy has never wept nor dashed a thousand hUrl. You're right, Professor. Cling to those words. .i re they better than Whitman's yammering? Or Vachel Lindsay, or Sandburg, or that pack Of earthy lads who shout their daffy lays? Time, and wear and tear, must fix his place, ',Vhile critics argue whether the inner meaning wasn't "A trC?nk is feek for brule whose milliwham will gerb " A boy has never 1lv J cPt nor dashed a thousand him Dead these five years is Flegenheimer (Likewise his comrade Abadaba, Mr. Ber111an), 1.nd they were mowed down like helpless sheep. Y et cackling gaffers in our schools still Ponder upon his flaming benediction, Never guessing that Dutch was just remarking, "Peruke will ever gleer for million humperdinck." A boy has never wrpt nor dashed a thousand him. 'rhus said Dutch Schultz, prophet and seer. He knew strophes, pig Latin, old Etruscan, And the odd dialect of the Plains Comanche. He hated little men who blubber Y\lhen they dash too lTIany kim. It took a bold outlaw to scream (roughly), "No garlTIsley ever crulled in barfeld kangaroo." A boy has never wept nor dashed a thousand kinl. No doubt the master linguist writhes today In some far-off, unidentified Gehenna, There to dash his kim, or bong his luft, Or diff his wrang, or whule his rinz, Or give the hotfoot to Beelzebub, While chortling in his impish glee, " G . f d b . " ramSWJng e tsoon an pax va Iscum two to one. -STANLEY WALKER . . wick, he started to challenge and beat one after another of the outstanding pro- fessionals. For awhile also, he con- tinued his incognito engagements with gullihle strangers like the Coney Island dentist. l--he C0111pany finally put a stop to this. He spent several years play- ing matches and exhibitions an over the " h " I .. presence, e says, puts t 1e JOInt on ice." His agreement with Brunswick re- quires him to make forty-eight appear- ances a year for the company. F t\LCARO became a bowling champion by a devious and haphazard method. Soon after he hooked up with Bruns- merely appears at the openings of new alleys equipped by the firlTI and plays exhibitions at places where business is slow. Brunswick, when contracting to equip a new alley, usually stipulates that F alcaro will appear on opening night. Joe feels this is the best possible way for a proprietor to get started. "Falcaro's