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} How soon they forget. Alice in Highlander, The Woman in Red October,} The Little Prince of Thieves, Rising Sunday Lovers, The Name of the} Rhinoserose, The Red Woman of Straw, and my favorite, The World's} Greatest Train Robbery Lover.

} Correct. Who's on first.}} You owe the Oracle a well-executed performance of the} Abbott-and-Costello Hebrew Lesson.}} ABBOTT: I see you're here for your Hebrew lesson.} COSTELLO: I'm ready to learn.} A: Now, the first thing you must understand is that Hebrew and} English have many words which sound alike, but they do not mean} the same thing.} C: Sure, I understand.} A: Now, don't be too quick to say that.} C: How stupid do you think I am -don't answer that. It's simple-some} words in Hebrew sound like words in English, but they don't mean} the same.} A: Precisely.} C: We have that word in English, too. What does it mean in Hebrew?} A: No, no. Precisely is an English word.} C: I didn't come here to learn English, I came to learn Hebrew. So} make with the Hebrew.} A: Fine. Let's start with mee.} C: You.} A: No , mee.} C: Fine, we'll start with you.} A: No, we'll start with mee.} C: Okay, have it your way.} A: Now, mee is who.} C: You is Abbott.} A: No, no, no. Mee is who.} C: You is Abbott.} A: You don't understand.} C: I don't understand? Did you just say me is who?} A: Yes I did. Mee is who.} C: You is Abbott.} A: No, You Misunderstand what I am saying. Tell me about mee.} C: Well, you're a nice enough guy.} A: No, no. Tell me about mee!} C: Who?} A: Precisely.} C: Precisely what?} A: Precisely who.} C: It's precisely whom!} A: No, mee is who.} C: Don't start that again-go on to something else.} A: All right. Hu is he.} C: Who is he?} A: Yes.} C: I don't know. Who is he?} A: Sure you do. You just said it.} C: I just said what?} A: Hu is he.} C: Who is he?} A: Precisely.} C: Again with the precisely! Precisely who?} A: No, precisely hee.} C: Precisely he? Who is he?} A: Precisely!} C: And what about me?} A: Hu.} C: me, me, me!} A: Hu, hu, hu!} C: What are you, an owl? Me! Who is me?} A: No, hu is he!} C: I don't know I maybe he is me!} A: No, hee is she! (STARE AT ABBOTT)} C: Do his parents know about this?} A: About what?} C: About her!} A: What about her?} C: That she is he!} A: No, you've got it wrong-hee is she!} C: Then who is he?} A: Precisely!} C: Who?} A: He!} C: Me?} A: Hu!} C: He?} A: She!} C: Who is she?} A: No, hu is he.} C: I don't care who is he, I want to know who is she?} A: No, that's not right.} C: How can it not be right? I said it. I was standing here when I} said it, and I know me.} A: Hu.} C: Who?} A: Precisely!} C: Me! Me is that he you are talking about! He is me!} A: No, hee is she!} C: Wait a Minute, wait a minute! I'm trying to learn a little} Hebrew, and now I can't even speak English. Let me review.} A: Go ahead.} C: Now first You want to know me is who.} A: Correct.} C: And then you say who is he.} A: Absolutely.} C: And then you tell me he is she.} A & C: Precisely!} C: Now look at this logically. If me is who. And who is he. And he} is she. Don't it stand to reason that me is she?} A: Who?} C: She!} A: That is he!} C: Who is he?} A & C: Precisely!} C: I have just about had it. You have me confused I want to go home.} You know what I want? Ma!} A: What.} C: I said Ma.} A: What.} Q: What are you, deaf? I want Ma!} A: What!} C: Not what, who!} A: He!} C: Not he! Ma is not he!} A: Of course not! Hu is he!} C: I don't know. I don't know. I don't care. I don't care who is he,} he is she, me is who, ma is what. I just want to go home now and} play with my dog.} A: Fish.} C: Fish?} A: Dag is fish.} C: That's all, I'm outa here.

} Well, it's one for the grovel} Two for the dough} Three so I can ZOT you} and I'll do it NOW!}} But don't you} ask 'bout the brown w**d ch*cks} Well you can do anything} But stay off those brown w**d ch*cks}} Well, it's} Brown, brown} brown w**d ch*cks} Brown, brown} brown w**d ch*cks, yeah!} Brown, brown} brown w**d ch*cks, baby!} Brown, brown} brown w**d ch*cks} Well, you can do anything} But stay off of those brown w**d ch*cks!

} All the monsters in your closet are totally imaginary. You can get out} of bed and go and look if you doubt me.}} You are so fortunate to have a helpful Oracle available to save you} from Dark and Fearsome Horrors. I live underneath your bed,} composing answers while you sleep, which is why you never} see me. And rarely if ever do I cackle, snort, or reach out} to grab your ankles.}} Cackle.}} Snort.

> You said, perhaps in haste,> } That's not how keyboards work.> } That's also not how jokes work.>> But, but, they DID. They did so! They DID!!!>> Every time I ask you a question I am so absobumptly THRILLED to get> some sort of answer that is not one of Milton Berle's jokes, but> instead something partially different. Do you do that with partial> differentials? I think my car needs one.

} Actually, supplicant, you've missed the key point. The reason that} there's no linguistic plural for "mongoose" is because there's no} *physical* plural for "mongoose". There is always, and has only ever} been, one ophiophagous herpestid -- the trick is, it goes back and} forth through time so as to exist in multiple places at once, like} with electrons (or rather, like with *the single electron*).} Therefore, we cannot send you mongooses, mongeese, mongice, mongices,} mongen, mongoosen, mongi, mongii, mongiii, mongiv, mongeeth, mongeet,} monga, mongae, digoose, digeese, trigoose, trigeese, polygoose,} polygeese, polygoosen, or polygooses. We can only send you the} mongoose. If you need more, we can send it to you again.}} You owe the Oracle a chemistry textbook that explains molecular} bonding in terms of mongoose exchange.

} That would be Henry R. Luce, who was also the best in Time, Fortune,} and Sports Illustrated.}} You owe the Oracle a time-travel luncheon expedition to Carbur's} Restaurant in Hadley, Massachusetts. It was famous for having booths} with strange names. There was of course the John Wilkes booth and} (appropriate to our purposes right now) the Clare Luce booth.}} I realize that we are far into the has-to-be-explained in-joke} territory, but that's one of the hazards you encounter when you ask a} question of a Wise Guy who is tremendously smarter than you are and} whose immortality allowed him to see 1975 first-handedly.}} Explanation: Clare Boothe Luce was Henry's wife.

> Oops again. By mistake I'm asking about Yakaturian V. Parmenter. It's> not a person, but instead a legal case. Yakaturian and Parmenter want> to hate each other, so they have filed a lawsuit.>> Please tell me how to sweep up lawsuit filings. Steel filings you can> get with a magnet. These don't.

} You can create a new magnet to pick up steel filings by rubbing a} piece of steel against a magnet for several hours.}} Similarly, you can create a new lawyer to pick up lawsuit filings by} rubbing a piece of steel against a lawyer for several hours.}} Sorry, let me try again:}} You can force a lawyer to pick up lawsuit filings for a tenth of their} standard fee by rubbing a piece of sharp steel against them for} several hours.}} You owe the Oracle a clean joke about legal briefs.