Friday, May 20, 2011

I thought things would start to settle down and I am still waiting for them too. From the looks of it I don't think they will so I set aside some time right now to tell this story...

Josh and I have known each other since we were about 16. At 17 we became friends after hanging out at our homeschool group's first Spring Formal. We did not really talk very often. I think a lot of it had to do with the fact we were both trying to find our way in life and had different things going on at that point in time.A year later at the second Spring Formal we got to talk more and got to know each other better. It was then that I kind of got a crush on him. I knew the timing was not right and I did not know if he actually felt the same way. I let it go and figured if it was supposed to happen it would and I would leave it at that.Our friendship grew over the next couple years. We were talking more and my family moved closer to his part of town so we were able to hang out more often too. I still didn't know if he liked me like I liked him or not. I wanted to know if all we were going to be were friends or if this friendship would carry on to something farther. Little did I know, he was thinking the exact same thing. I think we were both tired of dancing.One night he asked me to go out to dinner with him and some friends of his and then go see a movie after. I was super excited because I would be spending my evening with this cool, sweet, amazing guy who I was falling for fast. He came to my house and picked me up for dinner. As we got in the truck and were driving away he said, "My friends aren't able to come to dinner. Something came up, but they said they'd meet up for the movie". I thought,"This is kinda like a real date...I wonder if he planned this..." He didn't but I liked the thought that maybe he did. It worked out quite well though. All through dinner I could tell his mind was preoccupied but I figured he just thought it was awkward to be out to dinner alone with me.We got to his friend's house and I started to get out of the truck. He reached over, closed the door back real quick, and said,"Hang on a second". Two seconds later he asked me to be his girlfriend and I was so relieved! I wasn't sure if he would actually ever ask and that nervous feeling of whether we were just going to be friends or something more was over. We've been dating now for almost a year.May 2, 2011 was our ten month anniversary. He was out on a job site all day and I was at school and work. I knew we wouldn't be able to see each other probably 'til a few days later because of his work schedule and his days off. I was not feeling good at all that night and had talked to him just a few hours before telling him I felt horrible. He seemed kind of down but I figured it was because I didn't really feel like talking at that point in time. I hung up with him and about ten minutes later my dad's cell phone went off. He said,"Hello, Josh..." and walked out of the room. I started freaking out a little bit because I thought it was weird my Josh would call my dad at 9 something at night. Still not feeling too hot I grabbed a blanket and curled up on the couch to watch a movie with my family. Around 11:30 my dad gets up to let the dog out. He is outside for a while and when he comes back in Josh walks through my living room! It scares me half to death because I knew he was supposed to be in Burnsflat sleeping after only sleeping for about an hour in the last day and a half. I hid under my blanket and kept doing double takes trying to make sure my mind wasn't playing tricks on me. I knew I was sick but I didn't think I was that sick. I peak out from under my blanket again and he is kneeling in front of the couch and he said,"I wanted to be here for our anniversary. I love you. I have this ring. Would you marry me?". I was shocked beyond belief. I still couldn't figure out how he was in my living room when he was sleeping 2 hours away. I said yes and it has been a whirlwind ever since.It's crazy to think I am actually engaged now and we can really begin planning a life together. This is something I only dreamed about for so many years of my life. After that initial shock of him being there and asking me to marry him we were down by his truck and I told him,"You know those engagement pictures aren't gonna look too great. With me wearing shorts and this baggy T-shirt...and my hair in a mess...". He look at me and said,"This is who I love. I love you. Not what you wear or how you look but what's inside...those other things are just a perk". I love him for that. He loves me for me. He loves me at my worst and loves me at my best. God has blessed me greatly with Josh and He continues to lead and bless both of us.This is a whole new chapter of my life and I am ready for these next couple months to come. It will definitely be a journey!

Sunday, May 1, 2011

It has been a while since I last posted a blog yet here I am with so much on my mind I hope it makes sense once it comes out.

This morning I attended a church I have been going to for a while now off and on. I am in a weird transitioning stage in my life so I am not really a full-fledged member at any specific church yet but I know what God is wanting me to do. I am just waiting for the right timing. Anyway... I was sitting in the worship service praising God and listening to the music. The worship team had been playing for a good thirty minutes when the pastor stood up and said,"Wait a minute. I want to start this all over again. There is a spirit of complacency here. We are here to worship God. It's not about an hour of song and an hour of preaching; it's not about order. It's about allowing the Spirit of God to move in us and truly worship Him." After saying a few more things he sat back down and the worship team continued. It was as if that complacency that was over the whole building lifted; As if the rainy weather was not a set back any longer. You could feel the whole atmosphere of the auditorium change.I was moved to tears as I began to watch as people shifted their hearts and minds towards God and began to worship sincerely. People all around the room lifted their hands in praise. What moved me the most was a little girl around the age of 9 who stepped out of the aisle she was in and began twirling around and dancing. The dance was a soft slow dance with such grace and elegance. She had her hands raised, her head lifted, and her eyes closed. I couldn't stop watching her. In that moment she was the only one there. She was dancing for her Father. She was worshipping Him. It was intimate. It was beautiful.In the same aisle as me a woman walked to the front where the team was playing, took a microphone, and began singing harmony to the song. She poured out her heart and soul to the Maker of the universe. She claimed she wouldn't settle for what is, but would always push for something more with her God. You could see plainly the words she was saying, she wasn't saying for the crowd to hear but she spoke them to the One who loves her more than she'll ever know.

Watching all of this I began to wonder. When did all of this type of worship stop in our churches? What causes us to stop short when we want to lift our hands in praise? Does it not say in the Bible we are to lift our hands in worship? Why do we no longer dance like David did to our God? Is it a fear of what people around us think? That people will laugh at us or stare and point? Is it frowned upon in the church? Why can't we run around when we get so excited about the freedom God has to offer? Do you ever get excited in church and feel held back?

God gave us the ability to worship! He created us to worship Him. When we don't worship Him we are not doing what we were created for. I realize some people worship quietly and that's okay. But what about when the pressure is so great we can't contain our worship and it begins spilling over? We can't hold back because of what people around us are doing or not doing. When we worship, that is between us and the One we worship.

The point to this whole blog is this. If you want to raise your hands, raise your hands. If you want to dance, dance. If you want to run, skip, and jump, do it! No one is stopping you. You were created for that purpose. Don't be afraid of it.