Kanye West's latest pipe dream is to reveal North's first baby photos in American Vogue. While 'Ye certainly has a better ratio of pipe dreams-turned-reality than the average person, it doesn't sound like it's gonna happen because Nuclear Wintour don't roll that way.

"Anna is NO fan of Kim or any reality star appearing in the pages of the magazine. Kanye is determined to make sure baby North isn’t photographed by paparazzi then splashed across the world. He knows what he wants — a professional photographer and the cover of Vogue – nothing else. But clearly, trying to persuade Anna is going to be an uphill battle."

He has apparently compiled masses of data to present to Team Wintour that proves that reality star covers sell magazines. How much would you pay to see THAT Powerpoint slideshow? First one to mock it up gets a fajita in the mail. [Radar Online]

Kanyeleft Kim and theKimyelet to go on a Grecian boat ride with friends. "He didn't seem to be having that much fun." Does he ever? [Us Weekly]

Mama June discovered that her 13-year-old daughter Pumpkin was cyberbullying two of her classmates online — specifically, she posted 2 mean Instagram videos in which she calls them "fat, ugly and annoying" — and, appropriately, bugged out. She took away Pumpkin's Internet privileges and made her post an apology. Said June: "My family takes bullying very seriously. I do not tolerate it. As a mom, I jumped in, reached out to the parent and took action." A+ [TMZ]

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An unfortunate author named Christina Oxenberg was placed next to Gwyneth Paltrow at a Hamptons book signing. As Goopy's worshippers accumulated, Oxenberg went to get some "sloppy hamburgers" and "stinky steak sandwiches." She was then stopped by Gwyneth's bodyguards and was forced to crawl under the table to eat her non-gold-flaked-nori-bites-on-gluten-free-bread meal. Derp. [Page Six]

The Trois Pommes clerk who told Oprah that she was too not-Oprah to afford a $38,000 Tom Ford handbag says it didn't go down like that, because what else can she say? The unnamed Italian woman told the Swiss paper SonntagsBlick (translated by the Daily Mail):

"I would never say something like that to a customer. Really never. Good manners and politeness are the Alpha and the Omega in this business. I don't know why she is making these accusations. She is so powerful and I am just a shop girl. I don't know why someone as great as her must cannibalize me on TV."

Someone who is accused of racism might have chosen a better verb, but that might also be a translation issue, so blarhghgh;afbsfasg. [Daily Mail]

Ed Sheeran likes Taylor Swift because "she's just dry, she has a very dry sense of humor and Americans are usually like slapstick comedy, that's the big thing but she's very English. She's like The Office. English Office, not Steve Carrell. Ricky Gervais." Waiit, did he just call her David Brent? [E!]

Here is a song on which Katy Perry and John "If You Keep Making That Face It's Gonna Stick Like That" Mayer dueted. (Feat. a "love giggle." Puuuuuke.) [Us Weekly]

"You don't want to see a [real life] couple onscreen," says Jennifer Garner about not working with Ben Affleck. Which explains why Mr. and Mrs. Smith was such a spectacular box office failure. [Us Weekly]