Welcome to the Rumors and Rants NFL Draft Live Blog for 2009. Phillips and McD are currently locked in the Rumors and Rants War Room ready to bring you all the coverage and snarky commentary we can muster for the next…what, like 8 hours? We’ll be covering the first round and giving you a comparison of how the mock drafts of three experts measured up to the actual picks. The three paragons of draft intelligence we’ve chosen are Mel Kiper, Todd McShay and our own guru, The Baker. Can’t wait to see how these guys stack up against the real thing.

We’ve been waiting months for this and it’s finally here. I’m about as excited as Michael Jackson at the Little League game. Let’s get this thing started!

Actual Pick: Matthew Stafford – The Lions had to make this pick. While there’s differing opinion as to whether or not he’ll pan out, pretty much everyone agreed they had to take Stafford…except their fans. Good luck to the kid, he’s gonna need it.

Anyone else happy to see Erin Andrews and Rachel Nichols working the floor this year? While I feel bad for Suzy Kolber, it was time for some hot new blood.

From Hick Flick: Fucking Berman just blew out my speaker!

Yeah what was with his crazy yelling his way to the commercial before the draft started? You’re with me, hearing aid.

Haha, the Stafford pick just got announced to an incredible round of boos and an “over-rated” chant. Nice. Stafford just said that he gets to play for “a great organization.” Um, has he watched the NFL over the last five years?

Mel Kiper thinks the Rams should take Mark Sanchez with the No. 2 pick. I agree. He’s a leader, which they don’t have and while he doesn’t have Stafford’s arm strength, he can make all the throws, and is more accurate. They’ll take Jason Smith though because the Rams have no balls.

Actual Pick:Jason Smith – Again, the Rams had to make this pick. While they completely wimped out on making a splash, this is someone who can replace Orlando Pace right away. An athletic, well developed tackle is the safe way to go. They waited for people to trade up but apparently didn’t get the deal they wanted.

Now is where the draft will get interesting. The Chiefs pick at No. 3 is where this entire draft may hinge.

Ah, Herm Edwards analyzing his former team. I feel bad for him, seems like a good guy and not a bad coach, but they got him absolute shit to play with in Kansas City. Brodie Croyle, guys? Really? I mean his wife is hot and all, but that doesn’t make him a good quarterback. Just look at Tim Couch.

Actual Pick: Tyson Jackson – What a call by Kiper. Almost everyone thought they’d trade this pick or take Curry, but he called it. Chiefs GM Scott Pioli obviously thinks Jackson could be a Richard Seymour-type guy.

Now the question is who will take Aaron Curry? He’d be a great OLB in Seattle to pair with Lofa Tatupu. I think going into this the Seahawks were completely sold on taking Sanchez because they figured Curry would be gone. Now they have a decision to make. They are also in a great spot because tons of team will be looking to trade up for Sanchez OR Curry.

Actual Pick: Aaron Curry – WOW, not really a surprise but still, crazy. The Seahawks will likely never be picking this high again and they just passed on a franchise quarterback. Curry is great and will be great in the NFL, but you have to consider what you pass up when you make a pick.

The Browns are mad that Curry is gone. They love Sanchez, they could also take him and send him to somewhere else, or they could let someone come up and grab him. Frankly, if I’m the Browns, I just take Sanchez and wait for a team to offer the best deal. Because they will offer deals for the kid. Teams lower in the draft LOVE him and will try to make a move.

Actual Pick: Mark Sanchez – Feel good for him. Great kid, looks incredibly excited and the Jets fans are actually cheering. Anyone who can make Jets fans cheer and not boo is already off to a great start.

McD here with you now the rest of the way (finally) after a morning spent coaching high school baseball. There’s something awesome about being dusty, sweaty, and unshowered whilst live-blogging. Love it. Love. It.

Can’t believe we didn’t live blog this last year. What the hell were we doing that day?

Actual Pick: Andre Smith – Nice pick for Cincy, I guess. They WOULD take a guy with issues. Fits in with the team style. Then again, the kid is a road grader, so it doesn’t matter. Kiper says Nick Saban saved his ass, which is weird because didn’t Nick Saban flame out of the NFL too?

Actual Pick: Darrius Heyward-Bey – Holy shit that’s a mediocre pick. Okay, so he’s fast, but even Darrius Heyward-Bey thinks this is way, way high for him. Kid doesn’t want that kind of pressure. This is an Al Davis pick through and through. Kiper and McShay gave this an F grade and the Baker looked up from his “water pipe” long enough to say “what the fuck?”

This has to be Crabtree for J-ville. What a ridiculous pick a min ago.

Wow, McShay just took the Raiders deep. “Being obsessed with the 40 times is one of the reasons the Raiders continue to pick in this spot.” Damn.

Okay maybe BJ Raji and Eugene Monroe might not be a terrible pick here either. These guys are too good at selling their cases.

That segment with Michael Smith was awkward like me trying to coach third base today.

3,100 receiving yards in two goddamn years! TWO YEARS! But yeah, they need Eugene Monroe. Not like Garrard is throwing to a receiver anyway.

Actual Pick: Eugene Monroe – Damn, those are some big ears. Teams always need a good tackle. It even made the Dolphins better just by one pick. It’s a value pick. If you have to have a president who is a former offensive or defensive lineman, who is your guy? Phillips says Bruce Smith. I say Jonathan Ogden.

Booter predicts Brian Orakpo at this spot for the Pack.

Looks like Raji is sweating sitting down, and he’s prob going to the Packers. Two not so good signs. Why do the Packers have Gatorade at the draft table?

Actual Pick: BJ Raji – I love how these picks are getting tipped early. I wanted this guy to drop to the Chargers. He’s Jammal Williams-esque. You can’t get to 331 lbs at only six-one without smoking even a little ganja. It’s impossible.

Condolences to the family of Bea Arthur. We lost a sexy legend today.

The last time a Baylor player was taken in the top 5 was….

Never. A couple top ten guys, but that’s as close as it gets. Big day for the Baylor Bears.

This has to be Crabtree, right? They have no play makers that we can think of. Props to Booter for joining in on speakerphone, btw. This is gonna be an expensive cell phone call.

In case you’re wondering what else is on, Stigmata is on Telemundo at the moment. Nice. We just changed the channel. Oh, hey, high school wrestling.

Actual Pick:Michael Crabtree – Nice suit, nice watch, I like this kid. He’ll probably have to return it b/c he prob bought it when he was a top five pick. Still, he’s got a little bit of Keyshawn in him, which can’t be a bad thing.

Kid plays big and I’d want him on my team…hope he doesn’t make me look like an asshole.

Hey, Pirate Tech is on the History Channel for all you Mike Leach fans.

Erin Andrews: one word, three syllables: motorboat.

Good job by Crabtree’s agent, he called it the National Football League.

Booter says wearing company’s jewelery just to advertise and look good is “fucking queer.” On a dude, you gotta admit that’s kinda right.

Actual Pick: Malcolm Jenkins – Lame. That’s a large cheetah behind Jenkins though. Jesus. Way to steal the spotlight, lady. Hey, with all this talent, it’s amazing Ohio State so routinely gets their asses kicked by the SEC and USC. Or not. Love the highlights of his “ball skills.” I’d like to see Erin Andrews’ ball skills. She looks like she’d physical on the bump and run.

Brian Cushing was NOT the villain in Karate Kid III, if you were wondering.

Actual Pick:Larry English – I didn’t want to mention it, but Booter said we should make this pick, and even though he was kidding, it had an effect. So yeah, we fucked this pick up. At least the guys are kind of okay with the pick. It’s a “luxury pick.” Sweet, now we have a guy at a position where we have two great players already. Way to fucking go, guys. Fuck me. And now we’re done until tomorrow. Fuck the draft.

Actual Pick:Josh Freeman – One time, just one time, I want the ESPN cameras to be wrong and show a guy who just happens to be on his phone instead of a guy who’s just about to be drafted. Freeman is a lame ben Roethlisberger. There’s a hell of a lot to teach this kid, which is what Kiper is saying to me right now.

How the fuck did Mitch Mustain end up the third quarterback on USC’s depth chart? That’s amazing. Then again, Houston Nutt thought he was a great quarterback, and that guy doesn’t know a fucking thing about that position.

Watch Denver take Beanie Wells with this pick.

And none of the firings this offseason were as bad as firing Marty Schottenheimer.

Actual Pick:Alex Mack – Center from California. Not a bad player, but who takes a center this early in the first round? Mangini had Nick Mangold with the Jets and liked him a lot, but still, kind of a surprising pick.

Actual Pick: Percy Harvin – I wonder if that’s the “more interesting” player Boomer had in mind. Oher is a better player and a better story, like the guys won’t shut up about it. Listen, Harvin is good, but he’s just like Maclin. He’s got too much to learn out of the box to be a real impact on the offense itself. He’s gonna have to return kicks.

Can you imagine Brad Childress talking to Percy Harvin in person this week? Old, bespectacled, mustachioed guy talking to a kid with “character issues” and praying Harvin doesn’t say anything too stupid. He’s already in the substance abuse program for the NFL. It’s no the Pacman Jones pick, but it’s questionable at every level: strategically, chemistry, and viability.

You think I could walk into a barber shop and say “give me the McShay”? I mean he’s gotta know who Mel Kiper is, or he’s not my barber. So maybe the McShay could happen for me.

Actual Pick: Vontae Davis – He’s a fast motherfucker, in the words of Phillips. I had no idea this guy was Vernon Davis’ little brother. I bet Vontae doesn’t fuck my fantasy team nearly as hard as his brother did.

So since Larry English went to NIU too, does this mean the Chargers are going to let him go for nothing and no reason too? Sweet. I hate the draft.

Phillips was right in this post, by the way. The Pats were indeed looking to trade.

Turns out he’s also giving fashion advice, and therefore is gay too. And though it lists him as a freelance journalist, he wasn’t the dick who went after Jim Calhoun a couple weeks ago.

Actual Pick: Hakeem Nicks – So there’s Plax’s replacement. Sorry, Domenik Hixon. You kinda sucked when you played anyway. Nicks is really good. He’s big, fast, and most importantly, he’s a playmaker. The kid is gonna be a great pick. Fuck Harvin and Maclin. And he plays way bigger than six feet tall, for you Roy Keane’s out there.

Eli Manning is “not the most accurate quarterback” according to Sal Paolantonio. No shit.

Nicks is also “thick in the middle” as are we here at Rumors and Rants.

Jesus, we’re almost done. New format sucks, Goodell.

There goes Chris Wells. To the Titans. Who already have two good RB’s. Maybe this is the time ESPN’s cameras are finally wrong. Stay tuned for our “overall draft grading” after the last pick in the first round. We’re grading on entertainment, player quality, and overall bullshit. Or something like that.

Actual Pick: Kenny Britt – They were wrong! Sweet! Good route runner, though it’s not like worst-quarterback-ever Mike Teel could get him the ball. Good pick. I guess. Not like Tennessee throws to the ir recievers anyway.

Actual Pick: Evander “Ziggy” Hood – The fuck kind of nickname is Ziggy? Where’s Horshach and the rest of the Sweat Hogs.

And we’re done! And overall, I’d give this draft a C in terms of entertainment value and actual talent taken. There were some dumb picks and some trades, but it all kind of felt expected. Nothing that exciting at all.

We’re gonna stay here at watch the second round, but we’re done live-blogging because this shit is hard. You have to sit here for a certain amount of time and use our computers and type stuff. It’s hard, damn it!

So maybe we’ll live blog the baseball draft again, or maybe it’ll be Pacquiao/Hatton next weekend. Who the hell knows? These bloggers. Totally unreliable.

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