Tuesday, October 27, 2015

L is Seven

Our L had a birthday this weekend. She turned seven. Part of the therapy we are doing right now is working on helping her understand the difference between LOVE and ATTENTION.

She does not know why they are different as she has never in her life actually felt love...even though we have given her all our love for seven years.

In that therapy we are asked not to make a big deal of her birthday right now. This is heartbreaking as a mother but necessary as her caregiver. This is so she does not gain too much attention and fall backwards in her therapy.

We had cake and she opened some cards. She got a new pair of shoes and a new mattress. It was short...but sweet and I could see that it was what she could handle.

In this video I wanted to show that while we are doing the HARD stuff right now, we still love, pray for and hope every day for our second baby.

This video does not depict the rage she holds inside...but that is part of her RAD. She holds it in and charms everyone around her. Her rage comes out with us...but we are slowly seeing that rage dim.

One of the leaders of RAD therapy said this:

"The unattached child literally does not have a stake in humanity” (Magid & McKelvey 1988). They do not think and feel like a normal person. “At the core of the unattached is a deep-seated rage, far beyond normal anger. This rage is suppressed in their psyche. Now we all have some degree of rage, but the rage of psychopaths is that born of unfulfilled needs as infants. Incomprehensible pain is forever locked in their souls, because of the abandonment they felt as infants.” (Magid & McKelvey 1988) “There is an inability to love or feel guilty. There is no conscience. Their inability to enter into any relationship makes treatment or even education impossible.” (Bowlby 1955). Some infamous people with Attachment Disorder that did not get help in time: Saddam Hussein, Edgar Allen Poe, Jeffrey Dahmer, and Ted Bundy. One famous person with Attachment Disorder who did get help in time (in 1887!) and became one of the greatest humanitarians the US has ever produced is Helen Keller.
It is hard for us during these times where we want to celebrate our daughter knowing that in the end she only feels a need for more attention. But I also wanted to show that even though most of my posts are depressing and full of what seems like harshness...in the end it will all work to her benefit.

This treatment is her mental chemotherapy...it may seem cruel to put your child through something that seems to make them suffer more (even though she isn't suffering more, in her mind she feels safer)...but the treatment works and in the end they will be healthier and have a better life where L will have her own stake in humanity.

When I heard this song...I thought of my L. It is perfect for what she is dealing with right now.