My Twats

Become a Fan

10/26/2009

It's true that I love to flirt! I flirt with men, women, children (in a totally non-sex offenderish way), dogs (in a totally non-bestiality type of way), anyone else I usually come into contact with. In fact, it is difficult for me to pinpoint a time in my life when I haven't flirted on a regular basis. I flirt because it makes me feel alive. I flirt because it makes me feel pretty damn good when I'm doing it, and I flirt to feel connected to other people.

Some people like to judge me and think it's not "right" for a proper married woman like me to flirt so readily with others. Luckily, I am married to a very wonderful and secure man who enjoys my playful side and doesn't see the harm in my flirty behavior.

People who regularly flirt report having higher levels of self esteem as well as enjoying a higher level of overall life satisfaction. Those who flirt well often get rewarded with little life "perks" like hotel and flight upgrades, better customer service, job promotions, and sometimes even free or discounted products.

While not everyone is born with the natural ability to flirt and do it well, it is a skill that can be developed. "But I'm shy" you say, and "I can't handle rejection." 1) It's ok if you are shy...what is important is that you have the desire and commitment to change. 2) Everyone has been rejected and you know what? We all got over it eventually and moved on.

What I suggest to those who are shy is that you "try on" your new flirty attitude for a few hours a week. You don't have to be magically transformed, and please don't expect that it is as simple as switching on a light. Everyone has there own unique style and way of flirting! You will begin to feel more comfortable with your style the more often you put yourself out there and just do it.

For those of you who are ready to begin a new way of life, I have included some useful information and tips on flirting and body language.

Non Verbal Body Language Accounts for the Majority of Communication

Research shows that somewhere between 65% and 90% of communication is through non verbal body language. Some research suggests that we signal around 12 things silently for every verbal message delivered. Most signs of flirting are made unconsciously and are difficult to control. Body language is a mode of acting out what a person has in mind.

Fake It Till You Make It

It’s really incredibly simple—happy people smile & angry or depressed people frown. Your mind can be “tricked” by your own body language. Walk tall and smile and your self esteem will soar. Try it for yourself, even if you are shy. Act confident: stand up tall, look people in the eye. Don’t be surprised if you are included more in the conversation. After all, confident people get asked more for their opinions.

1.Signs of Flirting In Men

When they are flirting, men often try to make themselves appear taller, bigger or stronger then they are. They stretch, flex their muscles, suck in their gut, and/or puff out their chest. Men also adopt a “readiness” stance by standing with their legs about shoulder width apart, putting their hands on their hips, or locking their thumbs in their belt loop. He may also slightly flare his nostrils to make his face appear wider. Now I'm not saying that this is an attractive look for most people...just remember that many of these signals are done unconsciously. Watch for it...men also preen. Adjusting their collars or sleeves or smoothing their hair are all signs of common flirting gestures.

Signs of Flirting in Women

Unlike when men flirt, women often try to make themselves appear smaller. She might turn slightly to the side and expose her neck to you, or she will play with her hair, regardless of it's length, (tossing it from side to side) thereby exposing the skin of her neck. Look for her showing you the thin skin of her wrists. This gesture goes back to the Victorian era when women's bodies were almost fully covered by clothing. It can also often be missed, but she is letting you know “I want to show you more!” Women also love to play or toy with their accessories. Look for a woman touching her necklace or earrings much like a man will play or adjust his tie.

10/21/2009

There is an art to oral sex. Ask any of my old boyfriends, and they will tell you!

One of my first blog posts was all about my love for giving oral pleasure. I don't find it degrading or disgusting like some people. On the contrary, I find it incredibly empowering and sensual and it really turns me on! I can't really explain it, but part of why I love it so much is that I know I am really good at doing it (again, ask my old boyfriends). I feel like it is a beautiful gift I am giving my partner, and it can often be much more intimate then penetrative sex.

I am thrilled that I was recently introduced to my new friend, Chrystal Bougon. She is the founder of Blissconnection.com, a tasteful online retailer for sex toys. Chrystal also hosts a weekly radio show called "Better Sex Radio" and hosts amazing pleasure parties. I knew we would become great friends when she mentioned that women have been asking her for years to host an oral sex workshop. Eureka! I thought! How great will it be to finally offer a sensual oral sex workshop to women in the South Bay!

It is my sincere pleasure to announce The Art of Oral Sex Workshop. Chrystal and I have found a beautiful, private, and safe space to host this workshop on Sunday, November 15, 2009. This workshop is strictly for women only. We will provide light snacks and drinks to give you liquid courage. Each woman will be provided with her own new toy for the demonstration, which is hers to keep after the class. I've included a short description here to help determine if this is something you are interested in.

Want to learn how to give your man a blow job that will knock his socks off?Believe it or not, there is an art to oral sex.

This workshop will be highly interactive (using your own toy) as well as informative.Women, be assured that we will provide a safe, supportive, and non-judgmental environment.

The workshop will begin by covering the male sexual anatomy which will serve as a road map to his absolute pleasure.

We will talk about the “oral sex is degrading” myth as well as other common misconceptions and hang ups that keep us from truly enjoying the experience.

Women, you will learn expert tips and techniques that will make your partner moan with pleasure.

No matter where you fall on the experience spectrum, you will leave the workshop having gained new knowledge and expertise.

The workshop will leave you feeling confident in your newfound skills, empowered, and absolutely beautiful.

For more information about the class, and directions on how to register, please go here.

10/17/2009

For as long as I can remember, I've always been a bit unruly. Not so much an out-cast as someone who always went their own way.

For example, I have always been an un-abashed flirt. One of my earliest memories is of me being about 5 years old and chasing around Tommy, a childhood friend of mine. When I caught him, I would kiss him, and then the chasing process would start all over again. Sometimes I feel like not much about that particular aspect of my personality has changed in past 30 odd years.

When people meet me, I often feel that I confuse them. I guess I can kind of be described as a "wild card"; I don't really fit any traditional mold. Don't believe me? I'll give you a few short examples.

1) I worked at BAY Positives, the world's first peer-based non-profit serving HIV positive youth from 2002 to 2008. At the beginning I often felt like an outsider who many didn't believe belonged at the agency because I was HIV negative, in my early 30's, and a married, heterosexual woman who lived in Silicon Valley. Yup, I drove my ass over an hour each way for a job that paid $11/hour only to justify to many WHY I was even there. Looking back, if I had known about all the bullshit I would have to endure, I probably would have thought twice about my choice, but like the saying goes, ignorance is bliss.

2) I graduated from Scripps College, an amazing and kick-ass women's college even though I have never had an abundance of female friends. It's true, I have always had way more male friends then female friends (read my earlier blog on oral sex) and you would think I would have a natural easiness with women since I am the youngest of 3 girls. What I found is that, for many reasons, my personality has always meshed better with males.

3) People who know anything about Myers-Briggs personality testing are surprised to learn I am what is called an "ISTJ" or Introverted, Sensing, Thinking, Judging. An introverted Sex Educator! Is that even possible? Yep, it is, and I am. I've taken this test multiple times in the past 20 years, and it almost always comes out the same. For years I was an "INTJ", but that is only changing Intuition for Sensing. Seriously, most people can NOT believe that I am a professed Introvert. Everyone assumes I am an Extrovert. I can't explain it, but I have the test results if you want to see for yourself.

I've been thinking a lot about my personality lately because of my new business, Catherine Coaches. The majority of my clients are men. I guess that should be expected in an area where the male to female ratio is 5 to 1. When I first envisioned my business, I really saw me having a good mix of male, female, and trans clients. My client base is so male dominated that I will be reviewing and strategizing my marketing and advertising campaigns in the coming weeks and months.

Here is my un-official campaign to gain a more diverse client base.

Women: I know that sometimes I can come off as too confident and that might turn you off to me entirely. My enthusiasm sometimes gets confused for over-confidence and I realize that, but I am really not that different from you. I have been with my college sweetheart since 1991, and even though we have chosen not to have children, I still completely understand/sympathize/empathize with many of the same marriage struggles we all have. Thanks to my late mother, I am blessed with a generosity not often found today, and am a fiercely loyal friend (maybe almost to a fault). I also want to put it out there that I am a friend to both urban and suburban women! Want to talk about sex toys? Let me be your personal luxury/couture sex toy ambassador. I can give you first-hand personal information on what luxury (over $100) sex toys you should invest in and which ones to pass on. Ladies, let me be your trusted guide/mentor/cheerleader and together I can help you obtain the love life you have only dreamed about!

Men: Don't be intimated by me! Remember that I am married to a real life "enginerd". Honestly, you can succeed with women, but it takes a bit of work and commitment. Forget beating around the bush with me. First, I have no time for it and second, it is not in my personality. I can give you the female perspective on all things related to relationships and sex and I promise you will never be bored when working with me! Besides being pretty to look at, I can also work as your very own "wingman" in social settings. It's true that just being with someone else who is considered attractive boosts your own "property value". Let this strange dynamic work in your favor! Let me teach you how to date "smarter".

LGBTQIQ: I have mad love for you all, and the feeling is mutual! In fact, I have lost count on how many times my gay friends have called me "...the gayest man they have ever met". Hooking up on-line, tranny chasing, sticky-rice, chicken-hawks, bdsm, partying with Tina, suicide tuesdays, strap-on sex, vaginal fisting, anal fisting...seriously, I get it! With me, you will find a trusted ally who is also uniquely tuned into your community. I can help you when you are over partying and want to get serious about finding a relationship. With me, you will find someone who is willing to lift a finger when it comes to non-profit community organizing, fundraising, whatever, and someone who will proudly raise my hand (or my fist!) when there is a call to action.

10/12/2009

These luxury sex toys are high on my lust list. That means I want them....bad! How bad you ask? Well, not bad enough that I will have sex with you.

If you are a retailer, I would happily blog/tweet/facebook about how wonderfully luxurious and awesome your product is (but remember that it has to BE good in order for me to give it a good review). I really don't see that being a problem though, since I'm a trained expert in what makes a good sex toy, and I've been lusting after these yummy toys for quite some time!

If you are a fan, well, that is a bit more complicated. I doubt you would send me a luxury toy just knowing that you are making a pervy gal like me endlessly happy while building up a lot of good, clean, sex-positive karma. And since I already mentioned that I will not have sex with you, well, it's just not gonna happen. If you want to consider a trade for a coaching session then please contact me at catherine@catherinecoaches.com and we can discuss the potential possibility.

Now, on to my sex toy lust list!

For as long as I can remember I have had exquisitely expensive taste. Maybe it's a product of growing up on the North Shore of Chicago, or maybe it's just in my DNA. Lusting after sex toys is really no different from lusting after a beautiful piece of jewelry. When I see it, my mouth starts to salivate and I begin to imagine all the wonderful ways I could use it in my everyday life. I obsess about it, and think of just how much better my life would BE if I had this sex toy!

When it comes to luxury sex toys, Jimmyjane is at the forefront. I remember hearing years ago about how the owners of this boutique adult toy retailer secured venture capital funding. Seriously, isn't that brilliant? And there products....ooooooo they make me swoon!

They have a product called "ultimate member limited" and it is a collection of 6 of their famous little chrome vibrators displayed as pop art. At $1650, the price tag is high, but there are only 1500 of them in existence, so I could see how it is totally worth it.

I have also been lusting after there "little steel" vibrator. It is elegant and beautiful to look at and made of brushed steel. Jimmyjane is also offering it at a reduced price of $150 (down from $195) for a limited time. I want it!

When it comes to visually stunning websites, Coco De Mer is one of my absolute favorites! They carry 2 different versions of "vaginal egg sets" that are visually stunning as well as being completely useful for tightening your pelvic floor. The Shiri Zinn ($450) set as well as the Stone Love ($120) egg sets come in 3 different sizes. The idea is that you begin with the largest egg and as you become better at controlling your muscles, you switch down to the smaller size eggs. I don't care if you think it's strange, I just want them!

Blowfish.com is a local San Francisco company that sells some amazing looking luxury toys. The Barbarella Silicone Dildo has me intrigued! I'm a sucker for anything with glitter in it, and the $170 glitter gold dildo also has a g-spot pressure feature that I want to try out!

Good Vibrations will always be near and dear to my heart! I'm absolutely thrilled to be associated with them, and think they have the best sex-positive and totally non-creepy stores in the world! They also carry some totally kick-ass luxury toy lines.Lelo makes a particular toy called the Yva Rechargeable Vibrator that I covet. It really is beautiful and made out of high grade steel or 18k gold plate. Yes, it's expensive at $1300, but I'm worth it!

Blissconnection.com is an on-line sex toy retailer run by my newly introduced friend, Chrystal Bougon. Chrystal is amazing and has a totally female friendly online store! Chrystal also hosts rockstar worthy pleasure parties as well as having a weekly online radio show....since you are already online anyway, listen to her and learn something! Blissconnection.com also carries products by Lelo, and I'm particularly fond of the Gold Lelo Olga. This product is $1500, but it is truly a objet d'art!

10/11/2009

***What you are about to read is my review of a porn movie. Yup, the movie is NC-17 and my language is NC-17, so please exit my blog now if you do not wish to read my big porn review!***

Let me just put it out there, I love porn! I've seen a lot of it too. As a sex educator, you can legitimately get away with watching tons of porn for "research purposes". In fact, one whole segment of my comprehensive sex educator training with San Fancisco Sex Information (SFSI) was sitting through a giant wall of porn--a cornocupia of diverse porn scenes going on at the same time. Talk about sensory overload! Thankfully, I had built myself up quite a porn tolerance and was able to get through it un-scathed.

People complain about pornography for a multitude of reasons. In fact, it is surprisingly difficult to find accurate statistical information on people's porn viewing habits. Believe me, I tried, and the majority of websites are run by associations or people involved in the religious right.

People often ask me "...can you REALLY become addicted to porn, Catherine?" My usual answer is "...yes you can become addicted to porn, but that is my personal opinion and you need to find your own statistical data, so don't quote me." What I do know for certain is that I developed my own nasty porn addiction a few years back. Perhaps you are asking yourself, "...but, did you hit rock bottom, Catherine?" I'm not proud of it, but I truly realized I had watched waaaay too much porn when I could immediately identify what porn star was in a film just by catching a close in shot of his junk. Although, in my defense, Steven St. Croix truly has a memorable cock because of it's unique curve. Now I'm not suggesting that you scour through online porn and do your own version of my guess-the-porn-star "taste test", but it would be a fun experiment!

A few blog posts back, I professed my love for all things Tristan Taormino! She is simply amazing and THE authority on anything and everything related to anal sex. I had been a fan of hers ever since I saw her on HBO's "Real Sex" original shows, so you can imagine my profound glee when she sent yours truly a copy of her new release entitled "Rough Sex".

There is a lot to love about good porn and Tristan Taormino isn't an award-winning director for nothing. The concept is simple: 5 female porn stars get to live out their real life rough sex fantasies! What I love about it is that 1) the women are in control of everything, and 2) the women look like they are having a great time!

The movie is divided into 5 scenes and it was awesome to hear each woman describing her own rough sex fantasy before she actually lives it out on camera. I absolutely loved that each female got to hand-pick their own male porn star partner.

Rough sex means a lot of different things to a lot of different people. Even so, almost anyone who is sex-positive will find something they like when watching this film. Obviously, being called "Rough Sex", you aren't going to find a lot of candle-light and romance. What you get is over 2 hours of really hard-core porn; 2 glorious hours of mouth gagging, tit slapping, cock sucking, anal pounding, mouth spitting, nail digging, cock spanking porn! A porn where sometimes the men are dominant and sometimes the women are dominant.

Overally, I highly recommend "Rough Sex" and give it a 4 finger rating. I was only slightly dissapointed that there was no strap-on partner play, but I know exactly where to find that porn film thanks to Tristan's movie "The Expert Guide to Anal Pleasure for Men".

10/06/2009

Let's face it, A LOT of what makes someone a successful flirt or great date is simple common sense. However, knowing something and doing something are two very separate things!

Since people tend to love numbers so much, I've decided to put together a list of 4 of the most common flirting and dating mistakes.

1.

Bragging

Go ahead and share what makes you interesting or different from other people, but make sure not to brag about it.It’s a huge turn off if you feel the need to state the obvious—think about those people you’ve met who try to convince you that they are “smart” or “rich” or even “sexy”…it’s not really a turn on is it? We pretty much all know "those people" who have a strange need to recite us their resume. Seriously, what is up with that? 1) I don't care and 2) It's not the least bit attractive.

Talking only about yourself

It’s a fact, people loooove to talk about themselves!If you find yourself monopolizing the conversation, take a moment and realize what is happening.Try to re-focus your interest by asking the other person about themselves, and then practice active listening.Listen with an open mind…don’t try to finish the person’s sentence before they are done. Mark my words, people will tend to like you more and get a "warm and fuzzy" feeling associated with you if they feel they have been heard.

Using tired ass pick up lines

Seriously, I don’t care if you think it is super cute or has gotten you action in the past; do not use pick up lines. Even if you are crazy-hot, pick up lines rarely work, and will most often cause you to blow whatever chance you may have had.When in doubt, a warm smile and “hello” go a long way.

Getting too invested in email correspondence

Nowadays, many people have turned to the internet to find a potential partner and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. However, the internet also makes it all too easy for awkward-acting, shy, or introverted people to avoid meeting you in person. The bottom line is that you are using the internet to find a potential mate, not a pen pal. Therefore, some degree of mutual attraction is required for the relationship to take off. If you like someone, please please please do not get bogged down in lengthy email exchanges!

My general rule is to 1) establish contact and potential interest with the first email,

2) get a feel for the other person’s suitability through short online chats or texts, and 3) meet up with the person in a public place for a SHORT meeting to establish there is physical chemistry.

Where women are concerned, most will decide in the first few minutes of meeting you if they would ever sleep with you.There is nothing wrong with verbalizing (either in person or thro email) that it is not a match. There is no need to go into details, just let the other person know that you did not feel you two are a good match. End of story. It’s much easier in the long run to be open and honest with someone if it is not a good match rather then having them wonder why you never got back with them!

So there you have it, 4 ways to avoid making some very common flirting and dating mistakes! Hopefully you will find them useful.

I have tons of information on all things related to flirting, dating, and sex. If you would like me to blog about a certain topic, feel free to email me at info@catherinecoaches.com with your request. Also, make sure to sign up for my newsletter for a chance to win a FREE coaching session on the topic of your choice.

Thanks for stopping by, and don't forget that I loooove blog comments!