Most modern women start their day with meaningless Instagram posts coupled with unrelated captions seeking attention. What female isn’t guilty of letting everyone on IG know that it’s her birthday, then subsequently getting upset at all the DM offers of dick in her inbox. Heather Locklear has stepped up her personal attention grab game with a sympathy seeking post for a car crash that was all her fault. She posted a close-up picture of pink flowers to let everyone following her know that she survived a 100 percent completely avoidable car accident. And this isn’t the first time…

Heather Locklear can officially rest easy knowing she won’t face any criminal consequences following driving her Porsche into a ditch because cops say their investigation is a wrap. Law enforcement sources tell us they’ve determined drugs and alcohol were absolutely not a factor in the accident. We’re told cops won’t pull Locklear’s phone records (to determine if she was distracted) or investigate the speed at which she was driving because it was only her in the wreck, no one else was injured and no property was damaged.

The police have ruled out drugs and alcohol as the reason for the car crash. That only leaves elderly age or texting as the culprit that caused her Porsche to go diving into a ditch. Maybe it was the combination of the two. A 55-year-old blonde is perpetually 25 years-of-age mentally. Someone actually almost green lit a Golden Girls Gone Wild if it wasn’t for the fact most people would be grossed out. My condolences go out to the guys into the grandma section of their favorite naughty video streaming site. The police officially ending the investigation and Heather isn’t dead. We all can officially move on with the rest of our day. I was actually worried.