I just heard a disturbing story about a woman who had worked really hard and had accomplished something for her firm that hadn't ever been done before. Her accomplishment created tremendous positive change for her company. The executives in her firm publicly praised her, but then someone started saying behind her back that she was being celebrated just because she was a woman. Of course, the comments got back to her and made her feel like she should have downplayed her accomplishment.

Has anyone ever said that to you? Maybe you've had the same experience of hearing that people in your company are talking behind your back, assuming that you only got the job, the promotion, the raise, the opportunity because you're a woman.

It's not uncommon.

Many women experience this. "They often feel the unspoken implication is '... and don't you forget it.' In other words, they got a job they didn't deserve. They had a door opened for them because they were wearing a skirt," writes Patti Fletcher in a post for Entrepreneur.com

"The truth of it is that men are hired for what they might be able to do. Women are hired only if they've proven themselves over and over again," writes Fletcher.

Women, as young girls, are taught to collaborate, share, be nice, but not to stick our necks out and tout our achievements. We are expected to be nice. If we promote our successes, our colleagues perceive this as being opportunistic or arrogant. Even our female co-workers. In this, we women can be our own worst enemies here.

This was made clear in a case study for the Columbia Business School which profiled Heidi Roizen, a successful Silicon Valley venture capitalist. In presenting the case study to his class, however, Professor Frank Flynn gave half the class the case study showcasing Heidi's successes. The other half of the class was given a case study with a different name and learned about the successes achieved by "Howard" Roizen. The research demonstrated the negative correlation for women between power and success.

What can we do?

As women, we need to share our success with others so we can act as role models for others--particularly those women who might be more unsure about how to self-promote and advocate for their own success. Not only does it not help us to hide behind our work and accomplishments, hoping they'll speak for themselves, it actually hurts us. And it hurts others.

Today, especially, we have a moral obligation to take on leadership roles and help change the dynamic at the top for women and men. We can create more gender parity in organizations if we talk about our achievements, share success, and celebrate our accomplishments.

Are you wondering how you can help?

Don't bury yourself in your laptop or tablet at work.

Use meetings as an opportunity to network and talk about your accomplishments.

Share your successes by email, and in person.

Talk about your manager and your team's accomplishments, as well as your own.

Be visible in all-hands, in coffee corners or online, sharing compelling content.

Speak about results, not just what you're doing.

Combat negative comments or tear-down behaviors by encouraging a correlation between success and likability--for all.

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