To speed up family recovery, often it helps to 'catch oneself' when we start to feel that IRRATIONAL guilt that we aren't "saying something nice" when he says something nice----------- but when his ACTIONS are awful.

He LOVES to tap into our irrational guilt and increase it---------SO HE CAN KEEP US WITH HIM.

He KNOWS.........HIS DISEASE KNOWS......... that the irrational guilt kicking in, is like a boulder in the road for OUR recovery.

We hit it with our toe, and fall down, and spend our precious time feeling irrationally guilty that we're not saying something nice to him ........ after all, he said something sweet the day after he didn't pay the bills with the money, but drank it all up.

HOW TO KNOW IF IT'S IRRATIONAL GUILT THAT YOU'RE FEELING?

WEIGH IT.

PUT IT ON GROCERY-STORE SCALES.

PUT THE 'NICE WORDS' OUT OF HIS MOUTH ON ONE SCALE.

PUT HIS ACTIONS ON THE OTHER SCALE.

It's like a peanut on one scale ---- and an elephant on the other one.