Maturity

This first year of university is finally winding to a close, and I feel the need to pause and look back—to reflect, you know?

This year was tough. I suddenly had a huge workload to cope with; I had to adjust to a new social circle, find new friends and explore a new city. I had some health issues too, mainly with my back and my sleeping patterns, and I had to deal with those on my own for the very first time. I’ve had to find a summer job—a search that is still unsuccessful, so it’s most likely that I will have to move home to Ottawa this Thursday, when I am kicked out of residence.

And I mean, sure, it will save me a lot of money with rent and food and things, but… It’s also really hard to leave. I have a whole new life here—an adult life. I can be independent here, set my own schedule. When I go back home, I’ll be returning to a life of eating what I’m told to eat, going to bed by 11 and ridiculous curfews, even on weekends. And I mean… I couldn’t get a job here in Toronto. What if I can’t get a job in Ottawa either?

I’d made plans with my friends for this summer, and a lot of them involve me BEING in Toronto. And now I guess that’s not gonna happen. I won’t get to celebrate my birthday with them, and I might not get to go to Anime North with them either. I’ll just stay in the suburbs of Ottawa and slowly rot. Maybe that sounds a bit over-dramatic, but that’s what it feels like sometimes. Things are so stagnant there, compared to the city. And moving back to the burbs feels like I’m taking a massive step backwards. In Toronto, I am an adult and people treat me accordingly. In Ottawa, I’m a teenager, living with her parents and obeying their rules. After tasting the sweet nectar of freedom, the prospect of returning to that life is not a pleasant one. I get along with my family fine, but… I’d rather have my own space, you know?

That being said, it would save me a lot of money, so I suppose it is actually the more “mature” thing to do, rather than clinging to this false feeling of adulthood, just because I can go out late at night and eat chips whenever I want.

DANG IT. Maturity is hard, guys.

So I guess next time I write to you guys, I’ll be doing so from home. It’s is the smart thing to do, so I suppose I will man up and do it.

Unless, of course, I get a call in the next couple days with a job offer! There’s still hope! Hahaha…