Marc and Chelsea's Wedding

Marc Mezvinsky's intermarriage is the result of our inaction.

The headlines yelled, "Mazel tov!" referring to the recent marriage of “first daughter” Chelsea Clinton (daughter of former US President Bill Clinton & Secretary of State Hillary Clinton) to Marc Mezvinsky, a New York banker and son of two former members of the US Congress.

The news stories all commented on how Mr. Mezvinsky, in addition to his Burberry Brit designed Tuxedo, wore a traditional Jewish talit and kippah.

Mention was made of the recitation of the Sheva Brachot, the essence of a Jewish marriage ceremony, that were followed by a poem and additional prayers pertinent to Chelsea’s religious background.

But even with the million dollar plus budget, the Jewish rituals and the celebrity guests, it still all boils down to an intermarriage.

In my father’s day, when someone intermarried he was making a strong statement: "I do not want to remain Jewish. I want to get away from the burden of Jewish life and become like everyone else." There was nothing Jewish about the wedding and the result was assimilation.

When I was in my twenties and people intermarried they were also making a statement, perhaps less vehemently, but still a statement. Rather than wanting to run away from Judaism, they simply did not know enough to care. “We are all the same. Why should I marry a Jew? Religion does not play a role in our life.” Perhaps ignorance, perhaps apathy, but usually not anger or a desire to get away from being Jewish.

We have now entered a new era.

Mr. Mezvinsky, a privileged, educated intelligent and successful man chooses to intermarry, not because he does not care about being Jewish and certainly not because he hates Judaism. In fact, it appears that he is an identifiable Jew, perhaps a proud Jew who makes an effort to embrace his heritage.

We are in a new era where a Jew can proudly identify as being Jewish and see no contradiction in marrying a non-Jew.

Yet, here he is, standing under a chuppah, wearing a talit, a kippah and reciting brachot as he marries a (famous) member of the United Methodist Church.

We are in a new era where a Jew can proudly identify as being Jewish and see no contradiction in marrying a non-Jew.

We have reached a point where a Jew is so uneducated about his own beliefs, so confused about what it means to be a Jew that he could intermarry and still feel proud to be a Jew.

Marc Mezvinsky's intermarriage is the result of our inaction.

Perhaps we could not reach those who left the Jewish fold because they were embarrassed to be Jews. And it's difficult to engage intermarried Jews who are apathetic and indifferent about being Jewish. But when an identifiable, proud Jew intermarries, then the question we need to ask is why wasn't he educated and reached out to? How did the Jewish people fail in not giving him the knowledge he needed to channel his Jewish pride correctly?

Why wasn't he invited to someone’s Shabbat table? To a Sukkah? Where were the “Lunch & Learn” programs, the classes, the one-on-one learning when Mark Mezvinsky needed them so desperately?

It saddens me greatly to see those wedding photos of Marc wearing his talit and kippah among the rich and powerful, the lost Jew, a stranger to his own heritage with a fierce desire to be a part of that heritage.

Not just because such a precious soul was lost to his people, but more so by the realization that this could have been stopped. He wants to be a Jew, he is proud to be a Jew and we, the ones who care, failed.

We cannot afford to lose another proud Jew like Marc Mezvinsky. They are waving their tallits in our collective faces and we looking the wrong way.

Featured at Aish.com:

About the Author

Rabbi Avram Rothman is the Rabbi of the Thornhill Community Shul in Ontario, a thriving Shul dedicated to the mission of Aish International. He received his Rabbinic ordination from Rabbi Y.Y. Ruderman of Ner Israel Rabbinical College in Baltimore, an MS in Guidance & Counseling from Johns Hopkins University, and a PhD in Comparative Literature.

The opinions expressed in the comment section are the personal views of the commenters. Comments are moderated, so please keep it civil.

Visitor Comments: 296

(284)
Chaya,
February 8, 2014 7:43 AM

Intermarriage is the Jewish peoples' biggest threat

I agree wholeheartedly with all the Rabbi said. However ultimately it is up to each individual Jew if they choose to marry someone Jewish or not. I would add that I think that most Jews, secular or religious, would prefer marrying someone Jewish, but the community does not place an importance in setting up Jewish singles w each other and finding each Jewish person their match.. now adays, the secular Jewish person spends years on Jdate with little luck or trying the occasional singles event with feeling depressed because the single man or woman is alone to navigate the horrible dating scene without the support of a loving, caring community which helps to match make.. the issue is complicated. Yes, the Jewish communities need to do more.. more for single Jews to help them meet other Jews

Sara,
December 10, 2015 1:31 AM

Chaya is RIGHT!!!!

The jewish community just cares about money money money, donations, donations, donations....they blame jewish singles for intermarrying when they don't do anything for them. Who is knocking on our doors? The missionaries, not the rabbis!!

(283)
Anonymous,
August 6, 2013 9:07 PM

Intermarriage and conversion

First intermarriage is no light issue. According to many authorities, a jew who intermarries should be excommunicated. They will not be welcome anymore in the family. This is so they will understand that we don't condone or accept it. This is a lesson not only for the one that intermarried but the rest of the members of the household so they too will understand the importance of marrying a Jew. Of course the day they divorce he will be welcome back with open arms. Usually movies are not proofs but here it works. Note how the father reacts in Fiddler on the Roof. When he seems mixed dancing he doesn't like but he can make do but when his daughter marries a goy, she is gone. He understands that this is what he must do.
Regarding conversion of the spouse of an intermarriage, it's just like any other conversion. We don't recruit converts. If she wants to convert than by all means she can. We will try and convince her no to assuming that if she is serious she will want to even if we try to convince her not to. I believe that we will be even more likely to not accept the conversion due to the fact that we will be worried that she is not sincere. We will worry that she is doing it just for her husband and that if there is a divorce, she will stop keeping the Torah.
I know this doesn't paint such a rosy picture, but then again that's why you aren't supposed to intermarry.

(282)
Rabbi Farhi,
May 28, 2012 2:52 AM

Mr

I think i will agree to your post and nobody perfect in our word but all i know that we love Jewish and other Torah.Thank guys...

(281)
Anonymous,
April 3, 2012 12:29 AM

The fraudulant cleric

The man who "officiated" at that farce claimed that he was a Rabbi. We know that he is a fraud since a REAL Rabbi would never allow a Jew to marry a non-Jew.
How do we get these "con artists" off the street?

Bee,
November 25, 2013 4:59 AM

sometimes they do good

I was a goy who married a Jew. Later I wanted an orthodox conversion...eventually that lead to our divorce. Later I made aliyah and a year later found out perhaps my maternal grandmother was a Jew. I went running to the Beit din of Benai Brak to find out if I needed a get! The Rabbi who married us did Everything to make the wedding invalid and for this I am greatful. This rabbi was raised orthodox and became reform, this is a shame, but he married us on Shabat. The intentions were to marry a Jew to a goy. The witnesses were our fathers- not acceptable on a Ketubah. Rabbi Karelitz said "Not kosher,, not kosher, not kosher! You were never married." No get needed. B"H!

(280)
Vijay,
January 2, 2011 4:50 PM

Please refer Deuteronomy 10:19

Yes. Marc has violated one of the commandments (Deuteronomy 7:3). But it now looks like you are violating another commandment (Deuteronomy 10:19) by not accepting Chelsea into the Jewish fold. Instead of being unhappy that Marc has married Chelsea, the focus should instead be on educating Chelsea on the values and principles of the Jewish religion, and making her Jewish.

ladydi,
June 8, 2011 4:47 PM

What makes you think Chelsea wants to convert? Maybe she loves her religion as much as she loves Marc!!!!

Anonymous,
December 29, 2011 10:36 PM

we cannot "make" her jewish

i don't think judaism encourages making converts and encouraging them to convert...maybe to suggest and let her come to it and love it on her own. maybe for the kids? you can see in the open letter to chelsea that it's possible.

Vijay,
January 3, 2012 7:37 PM

Yes and No

Nobody can make anybody Jewish, just like nobody can make any other person "Honest" or "Good". Being Jewish is following the commandments. Deuteronomy 7:3 discourages marrying outside the religion because this can potentially have the impact of following the wrong religion like idol worship. However, if someone (stranger ) wants to be a member of the 'community of Jews', or has entered your family through marriage, it is your duty to love him/her and treat him/her as one of your own. Please read Deuteronomy 10:19. וַאֲהַבְתֶּם, אֶת-הַגֵּר: כִּי-גֵרִים הֱיִיתֶם, בְּאֶרֶץ מִצְרָיִם (Love ye therefore the stranger; for ye were strangers in the land of Egypt.). It is important to remember that one cannot be a true Jew unless he or she follows the commandments."Love" is the most beautiful word !

miriam,
January 9, 2012 2:30 AM

looks like you're confused

The "stranger" referred to that passage is the convert. A convert to Judaism needs to go through many very specific steps to undergo conversion, which culminates in immersion in a mikva before a bet din. They can't just want to be Jewish or just decide to follow the commandments of the Torah. The Jewish people don't have to condone Marc's marriage outside the fold, in fact, his immediate family is commanded to sit shiva & literally mourn his loss (because his children will not be continue the Jewish lineage).

Vijay,
January 16, 2012 9:03 AM

Reference please

Please could you refer me to the passage in the Torah which explicitly mentions that "stranger" refers to "convert". Also, I would be thankful if you could refer me to the exact passages in the Torah which details the 'specific steps' you mentioned.

Anonymous,
November 18, 2013 5:17 PM

She Didn't Convert

How can you say that people are transgressing Deut 10:19 which tells us to accept converts? Chelsea Clinton did not convert.

I do agree that the focus should be on providing both of them with education and to be bring them both closer to true Torah Judaism-is anyone up to the challenge?

Anonymous,
November 25, 2013 5:04 AM

You don't know your religion

We NEVER try to get someone to convert. If Chelsea had an orthodox conversion it would break up their marriage! How do you know he wants a religious life? If he did and she didn't accept Judaism that too would break up their marriage. We don't meddle with marriages that are already together.

(279)
Anonymous,
December 31, 2010 6:16 PM

Hand of God

There must be some purpose for it. Let's all pray for their future children that they return to their people.

(278)
Anonymous,
December 30, 2010 3:35 PM

Reply to Dan (276)

You may want to contact Oorah (oorah.org). They may be able to assist if the scholarship does not come through. The risks involved in not sending to a Jewish Day School are too great to allow $ to be a factor.

(277)
Aaron,
December 30, 2010 5:34 AM

What do you mean "correctly"?

When you say "How did the Jewish people fail in not giving him the knowledge he needed to channel his Jewish pride correctly?"
What do you mean by the word "correctly"?
Intermarriage is a possibility. So is marrying someone Jewish. What makes one of those possibilities "correct" and the other one not?
Personally, I think that the human beings that are living "correctly" are the indigenous peoples of the world.
And what I mean by "correctly" is that they are living by the laws of life that govern ALL lifeforms (not just human beings).
For example, one of the laws of life that govern all life forms is that you can compete but not wage war.
If any one species doesn't follow that rule than the whole global ecosystem breaks down.
Well, human beings haven't been following that rule recently.
People lived in harmony with nature for 8 million years (I know, I know, many people reading this site thinks that the universe is only 6000 years old), and for about the past 8000 years people have not been living in his harmony with nature and we are destroying the environment as a consequence.
Predictably, the earth will be uninhabitable by people in a relatively short amount of time.
So really, what difference does Jewish assimilation make?
Personally, I'm not having children at all. I don't think it's "correct" to bring a child into the world of that is on the brink of falling apart especially when human beings living in harmony with the environment is the cause of the world falling apart. So having more children adds to the problem.
Judaism is another religion that advocates human beings dominating nature rather than living in harmony with it.

Anonymous,
December 29, 2011 10:45 PM

so sad

you're giving up your dynasty and future b/c of scientific predictions? i want to remind you that the more ppl there are, the more productivity, creation and solutions are being brought. you advocate to let ppl die and get less and less and less...till when? G-d runs the world and he instructed us to have kids, and he will also solve the problems that unthoughtful ppl create (i'm into recycling :)
anyway this reminds me of something i read that seriously suggested human beings live underground to allow the world to flourish! that's like coming to a party and not eating so that the tables stay perfectly set. the meal is for us! the world was created for us! solve! (eat and then clean up the table!)

Anonymous,
April 26, 2015 4:09 PM

Nature doesn't last unless we use our power to fix it.

I must point out that the "so sad" comment by anonymous is quite accurate in response to yours. However, I would like to add. Even if scientific predictions are accurate - they are only accurate based on our current path. If you are going to sit around and passively, then they are probably right - the world would chas vshalom collapse. However, you are in this world for a purpose. You might not believe me, but you have the power to change the world. There is a concept in Judaism that anything that can be put to the purposes of great evil can be put to the purposes of great good. If one person (yimach shmoh) could kill millions of righteous and upright people, then surely another person (you) could bring at least 2 righteous people in to the world. You could bring millions. If only a few billion people in the past few hundred years could ruin the environment, or the few billion in the past few thousand years could kill so many people in wars, then surely over the next hundred years, the many more billions of people who are and will be in the world (who you could add to) could fix these problems. It is up to us however to turn around our destructive cycle.And just by the way, Judaism does advocate dominance over nature - dominance over nature, so that we can prevent it from all going towards entropy (disorder), as it inevitably will if we don't stop it. There is a reason for having large families. That is so that we can send our children off in a righteous path to fix the world - not to let them continue in its destruction, as many claim that they will.

(276)
Dan,
December 27, 2010 6:39 PM

High Cost of Jewish Day School leads to Intermarriage.

The real crime among all intermarriage is the high cost of Jewish day school. For example I am a middle class Jew living in Los Angeles. I am a second grade teacher and my Jewish wife is a preschool teacher. We have two children but simply can't afford the cost of Jewish day schools. I plan on applying for a scholarship so we will see. But if rabbi's are so concernced about interrmarriage why not fight to put every Jewish child in a Jewish day school and take a pay cut in the meantime?

(275)
Rochel,
December 26, 2010 6:32 PM

to Jerry

Having a marital relationship with a non-Jew is completely forbidden. And there is no reason to teach your children or grandchildren anything about Judaism, since they are not at all Jewish in anyway. Don't romaniticize what is basically your cutting yourself and your potential future generations away from Judaism. You left Judaism by marrying out. That is the bottom line. Just saying that it is your wife that keeps you Jewish shows how little you care about your Judaism. A gentile has to push you to be a Jew??? Why do you even bother reading Jewish articles?

You coulden't have stated your case more eloquently or correctly. If we, the parents, don't educate our children about what it is to be a Jew at the core, we are to blame. But having said this, Marc is old enough and interested enough to wear his talit and kipah at his wedding to openly affirm his Judaism. Still, he missed the whole point of what it is to be a Jew. His was a portrayal of form without content. It saddens me. If there is one thing that will maintain us as Jewis for the next 3,000 years, is maintaining the a Jewish home, values and educating Jewish children to carry on the next generation. Does Marc believe that his kids will carry on a Jewish tradition? Should they carry on a Jewish? After all, they will not be Jews anyway.
We have more freedom and ability to maintain our Judaism (in any form we choose) than anywhere else in the world (outside of Israel) yet we cave to assimilation.

(273)
Moishe,
August 23, 2010 5:37 AM

I don't see any talk about love....

In the Master of the World's words, "And you should love your fellowman as yourself.", How can Hashem not have a purpose for these marriages if not to teach us to love.

(272)
Raquel,
August 21, 2010 1:30 PM

a sad day for judaism

I agree with the article. The groom stands proud of his heritage, but as we know it, his kids will go to church with mum! When I saw that he was wearing a kippah and there was a chuppah, I said to my kids"Clinton's daughter has converted to judaism!", but it was only when I read about the presence of the protestant minister in a "co-religious" wedding that my heart sank and my young son said:"how is that possible'? I said: "this is the 21st century, anything is possible". What a sad day of judaism indeed.

(271)
Jerry,
August 20, 2010 11:46 PM

I am married to a non-Jew

I tottaly disagree with the article. I married a Methodist girl. I did not give up my Jewish beliefs or traditions, As a matter of fact my non-Jewish wife helps me to carry on the Jewish tradition, moreso than many Jewish couples that I know. My wife goes out of her way to teach our grandchildren the Jewish tradition.
While, I am not a scholar or a Rabbi, I do not know of anywher in the bible or Torah where it states that marrying a non-Jew is prohibit.
I further believe that intermarriage is good for the salvation of all humanity.

(270)
Mordechai,
August 19, 2010 1:18 PM

Let us all think, please, before we write

A large number of people on here who are writing about how this article is bigoted or racist due to their own personal beliefs and/or their personal stories are forgetting one VERY important thing (among others): Judaism is defined by the guidelines of the Torah. The TORAH says do NOT intermarry. The Torah says that Judaism goes through the mother, which means that if the mother is not Jewish, the kids will not be either, regardless of how one "raises" them. The large majority of people commenting on this article are not bringing an intellectual basis for their argument, they are simply expressing their emotional discontent with its message. You cannot debate what the Torah says, that is immutable. G-d does NOT want us to intermarry, as He wrote in His Torah. The reasons have NOTHING to do with race, and it does not suggest in the SLIGHTEST that Jews are better than gentiles or any such nonsense. Very simply, for a Jew to fulfill his true purpose in life, part of which means having a Jewish household with JEWISH children (which can only be achieved through a union with a JEWISH woman), he must marry a Jew. The Torah asks us to be in charge of our passions, not let our passions rule us. YES it is possible to control whom you love, NO it is not just a thing you fall into (if you can fall into or out of it, it's certainly not love). The Rabbi who wrote this article is not in ANY WAY degrading gentiles, nor is he bashing Mr. Mezvinsky, he is simply showing us the grim reality of the situation in which Jews are now facing: we are killing ourselves off by intermarrying and marrying out of Judaism and Torah/mitzvot. Mark's children will NOT be Jewish, unless the now Mrs. Mezvinsky has a full halachic conversion before they have children. THAT is the saddest thing, and it is happening all over the world, especially in the US.

(269)
Aryeh,
August 17, 2010 8:03 AM

Screaming...

There are many opinions here. However, only one stands. That is the one of our Creator, The Master of the World. There is no disputing what His will is. Scream all you like...
There is a gruesome difference between a Jew desecrating Hashem's Commandment on a private scale versus doing so on a global one (B'farhesia).
I Pray for the day where "Hashem will be King over all the world - on that day Hahsem will be One and his Name will be One"
Zechariah 14:9

(268)
,
August 17, 2010 7:46 AM

Screaming...

There are a lot of strong opinions here. However, only one counts. The one of our Creator, The Master of the world. There is no disputing what his instructions are. Irregardless of all the screaming...
There is a significant difference between a Jew violating a fundamental commandment on a private scale versus doing so on a global one(B'Farhesia).
I pray for the day where "Hashem will be King over all the world - on that day Hashem will be One and His Name will be One"
Zecharia 14:9

(267)
Anonymous,
August 16, 2010 11:27 PM

re: comment 254

who converted you?
where do you get such un-Jewish ideas from?
what faith to what religion are you referring to if you are going to write so to our rabbi, a leader and teacher of the religion you turned your life upside down to join

(266)
Rachel,
August 16, 2010 9:02 PM

!!!

to comment 264: yes, we lost SIX MILLION in Germany; each life lost was a tragedy in itself and this is no less.

(265)
Michael,
August 16, 2010 4:24 AM

He chose prestige and power over commitment to Judaism

I think the writer of this article has it all wrong. This fellow was marrying a President's daughter and that--to him--outweighed whatever connection or commitment he had to his Judaism. Other Jewish men have done the same. In other words he sold out his birthright for a President's daughter. To him it was a good trade. It's not a question of our failure to reach him--it is a question of what kind of character Mr. Mezvinsky possesses. I think the real issue is his lack of character and lack of commitment to his people. Do you think he would marry her if her name was Chelsea O'Brien?

Anonymous,
April 26, 2015 4:17 PM

That is simply not true. We see that orthodox Jews don't marry nonJews nearly as often as secular Jews do. There is a reason for that, and unfortunately it is not that all orthodox Jews are truly good people. It is that they have that connection to Judaism. You see that conservative Jews are more likely to marry Jews than completely secular Jews are, proving the same point. If we gave him a better connection to Judaism, it is clear that he would have been less likely to intermarry.

(264)
Anonymous,
August 15, 2010 11:57 PM

of course, intermarriage is clearly forbidden by G-D Himself in His Holy Torah. Thou shall not take his daughter for your son. The obligation is clearly that of the parent. Loyalty to our G-D is the primary consideration. The Jew has survived the test of time because G-D has guarded him. Now, we must not act ungrateful but show our loyalty to our Father in Heaven. No one has survived as we have. This is because we reamined a nation dwelling by himself and not counted amongst the other people. This is procalimed clearly intheHoly Torah by a prophet of the nations. It is one of the most obvious truths in world history.

(263)
Anonymous,
August 15, 2010 4:35 PM

:(

makes me sad, being jewish is such a beautiful thing, it's upsetting that his children will have to convert to experience this and that so much confusion could now come about, at the same time it's heartbreaking to not marry someone you love. hmmm, living in the diaspora is hard x

(262)
Lloyd A. Oestreicher,
August 15, 2010 4:00 PM

Hands Off

Leave them alone. All arguments aside let them find their own way. If they want to raise their children as Jews or Christians it is their decision. They are not uneducated. There is a choice involved. There pressure is political, not religious. We lost six-million in Germany, one more or less is inconsequential. Leave them alone.

(261)
Folke Holtz,
August 15, 2010 1:34 PM

Make the best of the situation.

How are we to act? certanly not by condemnation but in a welcome to the wonderful Judaism. Judaism is not all or nothing so. by inviting both into a shabbatmeal and into skillfully teaching and discussion about jewish life can both improve the Jewish spouse and draw the non-jews closer to the Jewish community and therebyd to a possible conversion.
I agree that both should be Jewish. Thats is the less complicated family-situation. but then the facts is what they are as such as one is a Jew and the other is not. The work should be towards expressing the wonderful life in Judaism and to be inclusive towards those that has a desire to learn about Judaism and in the end convert.

(260)
Bithyah,
August 15, 2010 3:27 AM

Intermarriage

Over the discussion of intermarriage, a few things have leaped off the pages during bible study. 1) The consolidation of royal power and the foreign religious practices introduced through royal marriages often threatened older tribal institutions and values. 2) Judaism has survived for four millennial---and many of its customs, laws, and traditions have remained exactly the same today as in the days of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. 3) The unity of all Israel, exhorted to act in obedience to the Teaching of the Lord, is emphasized in Joshua as in the Torah. 4) Israel falls short of the covenant, but continues to develop those tensions between the ideal and reality. Basic English: Don't lower the standard to live by, or we won't have anything to strive for in obedience according to Torah and Nevi'im. The only reason why Judaism has lasted is because it has not compromised God's word. Beware of intermarriage, it can be a threat to our tribe and values, personal and global.

(259)
Anonymous,
August 15, 2010 2:11 AM

I agree with Leona

She says what I think very well and is a better response than my first one.

(258)
LauraH,
August 14, 2010 8:44 PM

Intermarriage

I understand their children won't be Jewish since the mother must be Jewish.
I see confusion among American Indians who are traditional in many ways but intermarry. Often these marriages don't last and that is sad for both the man and woman and their children. The children are especially affected because they long for their cultural connection that is generally lost to them. It is that longing that keeps them searching all their lives and often not feeling fulfilled.

(257)
Leona,
August 14, 2010 12:29 AM

Marc & Chelsea

I feel this article is not in good taste and certainly should not indicate that Marc has left the Jewish fold by marrying Chelsea. If two people are in love they should not be banished from marrying each other. We do not live in a ghetto where we are only exposed only to Jews. Our world is changing and our lives are intermingled with all people. It seems that Marc is indeed aware of his heritage and Chelsea is also involved. It seems as though these are two very bright and intelligent young people and they have not gone into this marriage without giving it much thought. They have known each other a long time and surely know eah other's values and feelings. I persoally with them both a long and happy life together!!!!!

(256)
Anonymous,
August 13, 2010 11:34 PM

something with FAMILY education is missing in OUR people. They have very LOW self esttem ....I dated a lot of Jewish men and I see that all the time. They also dont have Confidence in who they are . But in JOBS, MONEY and LOOKS. something must be done ! SOS !!!!

(255)
Anonymous,
August 13, 2010 10:56 PM

Sad....

I looked over many of the comments and find it really depressing how many people don't even see a problem with intermarriage anymore. History repeats itself....

(254)
Esti,
August 13, 2010 9:07 PM

His mom made him do it...?

2 points:
1)Perhaps he does not identify strongly with being a Jew -- his mother, from a different generation, insisted.
2) Could thisbe good for Israel?

(253)
Anonymous,
August 13, 2010 4:01 PM

DONT GIVE UP!

AISH DC - Don't give up! Call Marc and Chelsea right now! Invite them to Shabbos meals and sukkot right now! Invite them to a Rosh Hashanah meal right now! Maybe Chelsea will convert - maybe she won't, maybe they'll stay married, maybe they won't - only Hashem knows. But never give up. AISH DC - Lori Palatnik - you live around the corner from this couple. Call them now and invite them for Rosh Hashanah. We have to do our effort - the rest is up to Hashem. Invite Marc to learn Rabbi - and do it RIGHT NOW!

(252)
Danielle,
August 13, 2010 1:11 PM

Ignorant Comment from a Rabbi

It saddens me that a Rabbi, who is suppose to be pro-marriage and the union of couples, has such an ignorant mind. I myself am a convert by choice and made the decision without dating or in process of marrying a Jewish man. As it is, I converted because of my faith to the religion and not because I had to. For the past 8 years that I have been practicing the Jewish religion, I am phased with numerous born Jews who do not know half as much as I do about it. I even know of a Jewish woman who married in an orthodox ceremony and has cheated on her husband with anyone that stands in her way. How dare you say that an intermarriage wedding makes Marc ignorant. I salute him for taking the courage to marrying the woman he loves instead of being FORCED to marry someone because they are Jewish. Rabbi we are in the year 2010. I need you need to come up to speed with the year and leave that cave mentally behind.

(251)
Beth,
August 12, 2010 10:50 PM

To stephanie

As a convert, I know a little something about the challenge and the process involved- it's not easy and it takes time. As a a Jew I recognize the supreme importance of sharing your life with another Jew, because only with a fellow Jew can you fulfill your life's purpose in leading a Torah life and raising observant Jewish children. If leading a Torah observant life is the focal point of your world then it would simply be unimaginable to not marry Jewish. You don't "fall in love" and ask questions later- setting yourself up in a position to not be able to "change who you love", you recognize what is most important in life and only entertain suitors that fit the bill. Now for those that find the value of religious observance and Jewish identity after they are already invested in a non-Jewish partner, that is truly tough and I don't wish such a challenge on anyone, but if you and your husband are willing to make such a commitment and you both want it enough, you will find Rabbis happy to help. You should not assume that Jews that see the supreme importance of marrying Jewish and the inherent tragedy of intermarriage as ignorant or rude because once one sees the beauty of Judaism and living and sharing a life as a Jew, and I'm talking mitzva performing, observant Jewish life, one can't help feeling devastated at what an intermarried Jew and his children have lost.

(250)
Sarah,
August 12, 2010 8:41 PM

Shame

Thank you, Aish, for being the only ones to point out this desecration. I was embarrassed seeing photos of this man with a kippah and tallis getting married on Shabbat in a Xtian ceremony. But even if Chelsea had converted and they'd had a Jewish wedding it still might not have meant much. A famous socialite who converted according to Orthodox law was recently married by a M.O. rabbi and pictures of her and her Orthodox husband in the newspapers later showed her in slacks and a skintight sweater and another one of her in a low cut reavealing cocktail dress. Not exactly observing our laws. So conversions for the sake of marriage don't work either, not even when done according to halacha. Best to marry our own like we are commanded to do and not confuse future children and not bring shame on our people.

(249)
Anonymous,
August 12, 2010 7:28 PM

What is Love

If one finds their soulmate, are they supposed to pass them by and foresake their personal happiness? I have a relative forced to abandon the love of her life who was not Jewish, and she went crazy. Marry your love!

(248)
Anonymous,
August 12, 2010 7:17 PM

With over 200 responses this subject is obviously a hot-button issue. I understand Rabbi Rothman's concerns, however free will is and will always be a catch 22. I would hope that the new groom would want the children raised in the Jewish tradition. Having said that, I doubt that they will be. That is a tremendous loss, but we are all tested. Rabbi Pliskin is correct when he says that all of our lives are full of tests. Life is one great big unending series of tests... we pass and we will be tested. We fail... we will be tested. I run toward Judaism and I don't understand why anyone would run from it or want to assimilate but that is simply my opinion. The new couple have their lives to live and being in the spotlight their lives may become a fish bowl. I am glad that I am neither one in this marriage for many reasons. I do believe that if they truly love each other there will be common ground found on educating the children in a Jewish format. I cannot judge them on their choices. Actually, it isn't anyone's business and I only comment because I don't want to lose any more Jewish people by the assimilation process. Judaism and the attentiveness to the precepts must be maintained and all that are Jewish and those, like me... the converting or converted feel quite strong about this and many other issues. United as a nation, no matter where one lives, is of utmost importance. At least this is what I believe. Also, if the bride were not Chelsea Clinton, this subject probably would not be broached in a public forum way. I just want to be the best that I can be, include those that have drifted away from kashrus, Shul and attention to the daily lifestyle of being Jewish in my prayers for their awakening again and being observant Jewish people.

(247)
Anonymous,
August 12, 2010 6:39 PM

The media shaping minds in what's O.K.

If people look to the media to teach them, they can be lead astray. The T.V. show 7th Heaven had the minister's son marry the Rabbis daughter, in a duo ceremony. Here several years later in the media the real life episode of Marc and Chelsea's intermarriage. The media had already spoken, this is O.K. over the years. What will the media be teaching next? A T.V. show where a Muslim man takes on two more wives, one Jewish and the other Christian. We can't look to the media for spiritual guidance. The topic is about Marc, however Chelsea had married out also. On July 31, 2007 in the NYT reported "Chelsea had sabbath dinner at her friends Daniela Amini"s parents home in the hope of learning more about Judaism." Chelsea has been interested in Judaism for awhile. When she does convert, our hopes and prayers she will raise Marc up to a higher level of observances. Converts takes Judaism more seriously than those that grew up in it. Marc wearing a talit and a kippah, he is making a statement: "I'm not converting to christianity." Marc is not interested in becoming Methodist, but Chelsea is interested in Judaism. Many people do marry out, however that is no reason to quit speaking out that Jews should marry within their own religion, to ensure your children will be raised Jewish. The church is not a race, and they teach the same thing to their people, to marry a christian, otherwise they are unequally yoked. Judaism teaches the same thing. The media teaches........????

(246)
Laiv,
August 12, 2010 6:14 PM

Why?

Why do we always have knee jerk reactions. My wife, not born aJew and I married 17 years ago. At MY WIFES encouragement a few years ago I started exploring my Judaism (never religious). At MY WIFES prompting we began to keep Kosher, at MY WIFES prompting I began to wear a Katan, at MY WIFES prompting I started to wrap teffilin. I think my point is obvious. I am sure Rabbi Rothman et al are very nice, devout G-d fearing, G-d loving individuals but Hashem did not make life so black and white. There were many so called intermarriages in biblical history, Moshe and Melic David among them. It is well recognized by orthodox Judaism that, for whatever reason, Hashem puts Jewish souls in gentile bodies. So instead of having the typical knee jerk reaction, saying things like we failed them, they are destroying Judaism, etc., etc., which does nothing but ostracize and divide even further, the very thing we are trying to Tikkun since the destruction of the 2nd temple. Why not try something different and embrace these couples, and show them the beauty of a Torah centered life. A life surrounded arround and encompased by the commandments of Hashem. I was fortunate, I had a non-Jewish wife do that for me. But in all honesty, it would have been nicer had it been a Rabbi. Now, my wife would like to convert, but can't because we do not life in an area with an orthodox community. She will just have to wait till we make Aliyah, which by the way, is at MY WIFES proding. Perhaps we should encourage all these intermarriade couples to divorce so we can have a flood of eligible Jews to repopulate the ranks. But is that what we really want, a bunch of people who do not take vow keeping serious and will break them because it doesn't suit them anymore. Teach them the Torah, bring them into the Shul, give them the beauty of a life filled with Hashem, Torah, family, community. . . Klal Yisrael.

This is what Rabbi Palatnik wrote in today's email:
However, when we look at others, we should not be judgmental of them as people. Even if someone's behavior is not up to the standard we deeply believe in, even if that other person knows that their behavior is flawed, we can't be judgmental of that person. Everyone makes mistakes, everyone fails to live completely within the values they believe in. It's not hypocritical that they sometimes fail, it's called "being human."

(244)
TJ,
August 12, 2010 4:28 PM

I agree with harold

I go to a reform shul. I heard an orthodox rabbi speak for the first time at limmud (which was lucky because most orthodox rabbi's boycott this jewish plural platform of learning), and for the first time i received insights to orthodox judaism and considered an orthodox way of life. This would have never happened had i never met that one rabbi. If Orthodox rabbi's really care, they should stop cutting themselves off from the rest of the jewish community. Why when hundreds of jews (from various backgrounds) came together, asking to learn from them at limmud, only one showed up?

(243)
Laura,
August 12, 2010 4:17 PM

Amazing

This article is fantastic. It's so unfortunate that nothing was done to stop this tragedy. I've read the comments on this article and I feel the need to respond as this is a topic I am exceptionally passionate about.
People often say that you can't control who you fall in love with, and that if Mark and Cheslie fell in love then we should embrace it. This is a load of garbage, if you ask me. First of all, I am not religious, but being Jewish, marrying Jewish and raising a Jewish family is something very important to me. As a result, I will not date anyone who's not Jewish...and therefore, I won't fall in love with someone who's not Jewish! Brilliant, I know. So there you have it, I DO control who I fall in love with...I make sure that he's Jewish before there's a chance I fall in love with him. Second of all, the high divorce rate nowadays has proven that love does NOT conquer all. It's safe to say that almost every couple is in love on the day of their wedding, and yet it doesn't seem to matter for half of those couples who end up getting divorced anyways. Research and statistics have proven that couples have a much higher chance of having a happier marriage and not getting divorced if they come from similar backgrounds. Bringing together two people together from different cultures and religious backgrounds makes marriage even more challenging than it already is, contrary to what the 21st century tells us.
I would highly recommend reading the book "Why Marry Jewish" by Doron Kornbluth who discusses this research in greater detail.
Once again, fantastic article!

(242)
Shmuel,
August 12, 2010 3:20 PM

What is outreach?

The author asks "why wasn't he invitedto someone's shabbos table? etc."
I ask how do you know he wasn't? Outreach is not a magic formula. Despite it's tremendous power and success It does not always work. Although the realazation of the state of jewish knowledge among jews is undeniably true (and strengthened by some of the above comments) I dont believe outreach is a final solution.

(241)
Paul,
August 12, 2010 2:55 PM

Kim (242), I would hope you're right that Mark might help the US to be more pro-Israel - but I worry that a man who marries a non-Jew on Shabbos may not be at all what we would consider pro-Israel! If he has any influence, it could be to our harm - look at the effects of Obama's "Jewish" counsel.

(240)
Kim,
August 12, 2010 2:05 PM

For the good of the Country

This might help our country to remain pro Israel. We need all the help we can get. We can look at this as a good thing or a bad thing, but I will look at it as a blessing for America and Israel.

(239)
Anonymous,
August 12, 2010 12:54 PM

Love

cannot it not cimply be that two people have fallen in love and they want to be together regardless of what religion they come from.
Surely in today's age we should celebrate love and marriage and the fact that a two people from different have the choice to join together in marriage.
With everything that is happening in the world and the count of young people dying every day in Afghan who will never be able to enjoy a wedding day we should allow people to be what they want and love who they want.
To me it is quite simple. Two people who love each other and are committed to each other.

(238)
harold,
August 12, 2010 7:52 AM

The Truth

You are correct with a caveat. It is not just inaction that causes this type of desecration. It is also action. The action of Orthodox authorities banning Orthodox Rabbis from officiating at other denominations Synagogues. Briefly, the Mark probably went to a Conservative or Reform Shul, if he or the hundreds of thousands of others were inspired or enlightened by a sensitive and exciting "Orthodox" authority this action would pay dividends forever.

(237)
Anonymous,
August 12, 2010 6:46 AM

Totally agree with the rabbi....

Amen to Rabbi Rothman...I agree 100% with the Rabbi.......We need to stick together....

(236)
Stephanie,
August 12, 2010 5:28 AM

Intolerance isn't very "Jewish"

I'm proud to be a jew, I am a well educated Jew who attensed a private jewish day school through high school. This article is absoloutely rediculous. No one was failed because they married a non-jew. Most of my family is very religious, and didn't approve of me marrying a non jew. But the honest truth, I didn't care. I didn't marry my husband for religion. I married for love. We have decided to raise our children Jewish, and even before we married my husband felt a strong pull to convert. He LOVES judaism and feels very strongly about the principals behind it, UNFORTUNATELY he was not able to convert before we married, and in the 3 years we've been married he has been unable to convert, why you ask, welll because he can't find someone to help him with his unique situation. You see my husband is an active duty US Marine. One of the people fighting for YOUR religious freedoms. He's spent the majority of our marriage, and the time leading up to it in Iraq and Afghanistan. He was horrified that myfamily was so closed minded about this whole "intermarriage" that many refused to attend the wedding or acknowledge it, without even knowing how hard he tried. I think it's time that we stop considering intermarriage some grave sin, just because someone isn't fourtunate enough to be born Jewish it doesn't mean they don't want to become jewish, or that the Jew that loves them was somehow "failed". Maybe all of you that are saying Mark was failed, and who didn't invite him where need to take a good long look at why people get married and what love means. Love doesn't have boundaries, it doesn't see color, or religion. My family loves me very much, and all the lubovichers in my family invite me to everything, and I'm fully proud of and take part in my religion, and it shows that no matter what you can't change who you love. Let's stop perpetuating the negative steryotypes about jews by being closed minded, and writing blatently rude articles.

(235)
Anonymous,
August 12, 2010 3:43 AM

Nothing to do with race

I find it puzzling that so many people have taken offense at the Torah's prohibition against intermarriage. It seems that many people believe that this is a racial issue. Let me assure them, race is irrelevant. My wife is an Orthodox Jew of Korean ancestry. The issue of central importance is that my wife and children are Jewish and Torah observant, not their race or ethnicity. Those concerned with race necessarily dismiss or diminish the centrality of Torah to Judaism. This idenitifies the very problem that gives rise to intermarriage. There are many people who do not see Torah as the foundation of Jewish existence and the central focus of Jewish life.

(234)
Rob,
August 11, 2010 9:47 PM

To address a couple issues raised by some messages here: Mr. Mezvinsky's Jewish education is unknown; perhaps he didn't know that Jewish weddings are not held on Shabbos, that Torah explicitly prohibits intermarriage, etc. Either he had a poor Jewish education, or his parents were hypocritical in giving him an adequate Jewish education but not living a Jewish live of mitzvot and halakha, thus failing to convey the message that living Jewish life and making a Jewish family is more important than being accepted by goyim. Or he simply went off the derech on his own.
Bottom line: American Jews who do not observe Torah need to be aware that they are choosing to not live a Jewish life. If they reject Torah and Halakha, they have not standing to complain about the responsibilities and obligations of Judaism.
You can be a good person without being a good Jew. To be a good Jew, you also need to observe Torah and Halakha.
Why would Mr. Mezvinsky be so proud of being Jewish if actually living a Jewish life and raising a family to live a Jewish life is so unimportant to him? He chose to marry in a way that is contemptuous of the Judaism of which he is so proud. That makes him a hypocrite and apikoros.
If his wife and future children wish to convert to Judaism ,they should be welcomed. But until then, he has to face the fact that his choice was a rejection of Judaism and a poor example for young American Jews.

(233)
smb,
August 11, 2010 9:34 PM

reaching out, see you on Shabbos

This is why things like seeyouonshabbos.com is important where a person can sign up and be hooked up with a place for Shabbos. It brings us together, plus we grow in our heritage.

(232)
Anonymous,
August 11, 2010 8:46 PM

You, your children, and your grandchildren may NOT be Jewish!

To all those who have posted comments here that mentioned that either you, your spouse, your children, or your grandchildren were "converted" to Judaism: Pleased be advised that unless you/they were converted Halachically (according to Jewish Law), there was NO valid conversion. Even if you/ they are "practicing" Judaism and sending kids to a "Jewish" day school, unless the conversion was a kosher one, it doesn't count, and you/they continue to be non-Jews who are merely going through motions, however well-intended! That means if the "conversion" was performed under the auspices of a Reform, Conservative, or Reconstructionist rabbi, it's not valid under Jewish Law. It's very sad that those who undergo such faux ceremonies and preparations often are not informed of such and later can face severe consequences when they sadly learn the truth.

(231)
Freida,
August 11, 2010 8:11 PM

#202

Judy, you're one smart gal, in my opinion.

(230)
Paul,
August 11, 2010 6:27 PM

Mark probably did reach out for Jewish "knowledge" - but the people there for him were the same type as the Reform rabbi who officiated at this shanda of a wedding. If he ever did have a desire to be part of the Jewish heritage, he was obviously met by people who told him intermarriage is fine, getting married on Shabbos is fine, eating the shrimp cocktail is fine - put on your little talis, join us and be proud you're a "Jew!"
How do you stop THAT?

(229)
Ina Cohen,
August 11, 2010 5:47 PM

It could be our own children!

Mark and Chelsea - what a modern enlightened couple! What modern enlightened parents.! One can only hope that Chelsea decides that her husband's pride in his religion will make it worth her consideration to convert (before there are any children). His parents and grandparents failed him and klal Israel. Hopefully he will find his way back. It just tells us, who are observant, that we must work harder each day to open ourselves, our homes and hearts to show our Jewish family the way home.

(228)
Anonymous,
August 11, 2010 4:28 PM

If this rabbi were invited to their wedding he wouldn't be saying it to their faces!

So, as much as I appreciate him addressing a Jewish concern, which is alright. If he wouldn't say it to their faces, all the more reason to not say this in public behind their backs. Perhaps he could have addressed the same issue, minus the names of Chelsea and Mark.

(227)
Adina Wolf,
August 11, 2010 1:54 PM

Straight Talk on Intermarriage

From what I heard, my impression is that Chelsea converted to Judaism BEFORE the wedding, so it might not be intermarriage. On the other hand, what kind of conversion was it if the wedding was on Shabbat?
Mark and Chelsea's wedding aside, intermarriage is something that very sorely needs to be addressed. We Jews need to understand what it means to marry within the Jewish faith; we need to know what it is and what isn't. To Jews and non-Jews alike, marrying within one's faith may seem like we are against diversity, but a closer look and understanding shows that by not intermarrying, we very much respect differences by not allowing those differences to disappear. That is what the Torah teaches, and for Jews, by following our religious teaching, we are not only living the way Hashem wants us to live, but we are promoting happiness and peace for other people as well.
As Jews, we have a responsibility to reach out and include single Jews in our synagogues and communities. Saying that it's hard to find a good Jewish spouse and a halfhearted "Hatzlachah" is unJewish behavior and should never be tolerated. This is part of the problem in all branches of Judaism, yet is something that can be corrected. If a Jewish soul is important to the Jewish people, then Jewish singles need to be important to Jewish communities.

(226)
Anonymous,
August 11, 2010 1:12 PM

It saddens to read the above email comments

The lack of Jewish education is so blatant. I felt a horrific tragedy occured with this marriarge, Even more so than the Holocaust. First G-d's name for certainly not sanctified, Second Mark has cut off all his offspring from the Jewish nation. We should all be crying over this tragedy, and we are not, that is of itself a tragedy.

(225)
Michael,
August 11, 2010 11:27 AM

Ridiculous

This article is offensive, and dripping with bigotry. Intermarriage is a reality, and is acceptable-period. Nobody "failed" here- who are you to force a jew to fall in love with another jew?

(224)
Jeff Thomason,
August 11, 2010 9:30 AM

"Mixed Marriages"do sometimes work

I am the poduct of a mixed marriage - jewish mother (who was an atheist) and methodist father who did not caresbout religion. According to "the law" I am a Jew. No religion growning up but I wanted a Bar Mitzvah since all my friends in the Bronx in 1954 were getting Bar Mitzvahed. Had individual instruction from a young Rabinical student by the name of Norris Josepy in the Bronx. He lived in the apartment building next to us. He gave me a "crash" course in being a "Jew" and tutored me. Made it thru. Was proud to see my name on the announcement board outside the shul. My mother was an atheist until she died - I think she eventually found peace with herself after she visited relatives in Israel. I converted to Christianity in my 20's and am proud of my jewish heritage. My grandmother, Fannie Simon, was a Lithuanian Jew who came here in the very early 1900s and worked as a seamstress in the garment district in lower New York. I have relatives who reside in Israel. I went on to spend 27 years in the Army. Converting was a personal decision that I do not regret. I am a hawk when it comes to defending Israel. I think that Israel is getting "thrown under the bus" by the Obama administration. I think the newlwed couple will be OK. "Mixed marriage is not always the best solution but in times like today with so much diversity it will happen more and more. Together they will work thru the problems - I have a feeling she will eventually convert.

(223)
Anonymous,
August 11, 2010 4:28 AM

This article sums up how sad life has become for our nation. Mark Mezvinsky did basically all he knew about Judaism. He was proud to be a Jew and made sure not to remove his yalmuka even when the ceremony was over. It was important for him to be photographed while wearing his Yalmulka which was a symbol that he identifys with being a Jew.We can learn a lot from this wedding. If only he had been exposed to more "Yiddushkeit" he most probably would have most probably been an asset to our nation. As the author said, we seem to have failed him. If only.....

(222)
seybernetx,
August 11, 2010 3:54 AM

Just wondering

How sure are people that Chelsea will not convert? From what I remember of her family, her parents religion was more for convenience than any deeply held believes. It is not out of the realm od possibility that the structure of Judaism was one of the things that appealed to her.
I've happily ignored Chelsea Clinton's life, so perhaps this question has been answered somewhere already, but this article does not address this possibility at all.

(221)
Deborah Taylor,
August 11, 2010 2:23 AM

39 years ago my husband & I became "mixed marriage" much to the dismay of of many people . I was raised in a reform, educated househld,,,, My father, a lawyer, insisted that we agree on how children would be raised before we became engaged. My husband agreed to raise children in reform Judaism. My parents and My husband's parents were accepting of our choice; many others were not. My father found a rabbi who agreed to marry us, and then backed out of doing the service 3 weeks before the wedding. Dad found another Rabbi, who performed a beautiful meaningful service. 13 years after our marriage, my husband converted, of his own free choice. Our boys were raised and educated as Jews. Who you love is not a conscious choice. I found in my husband the qualities of caring and respect that my background had taught me to cherish. 39 years later, the Jewish people have been enriched by my family. I have taught sunday school, and pre-school, been active in Hadassah.
The ideas expressed in your article about intermarriage being a failure of education is narrow, small-minded and is what turns young people away from their Jewish roots, rather than embracing them.
How a family approaches the reality of an inter-faith relationship can be what determines whether a family remains within the faith.

(220)
Iris,
August 11, 2010 2:00 AM

#201 - Judy - BOY! have you got it wrong!

Judy, in post #201, states that a gentile woman who marries a Jewish man is either consciously or unconsciously anti-semetic. That is such rot!
Let's put it another way. Let's suppose she is a Christian and they decide to raise the children Jewish (converting the children shortly after birth), then HE is anti-Christian, and therefore a bad person. OR, if a Jewish woman marries a Christian man and raises the children Jewish, then SHE is anti-Christian. Where is your righteous indignation for that scenario?
The marriage between Chelsea and Mark is a totally private matter. Unfortunately for them, her parents are world famous and the event could not escape the media and its peering eyes. It is NOT a Jewish issue. Their marriage does not make her or her family anti-semites.

(219)
Anonymous,
August 11, 2010 1:57 AM

just read 201 and 202 and both seem so off base for different reasons

seems to me that the long galus makes 201 see antisemitism where it aint . it's the Jew not the Gentile who is the problem.He's not being forced to marry against his will..
202 seems to feels love excuses behavior which is wrong. Of course we can love people it's halachically forbidden to marry.Loving someone is not a reason in itself to marry and while it is an obligation being happy is hardly from a Jewish perspective the goal of marriage or life.

(218)
smb,
August 11, 2010 1:08 AM

hurting ourselves

I read an article here that explains that Hashem(G-d) promised the Jewish people that they will be eternal and forever. However, we can choose to make ourself disappear through assimilation. But G-d won't let that happen. What does G-d do? G-d makes anti semitism in the world. This might either help us to take pride in our heritage and try to learn more about it. Or we might try to appease people by blending in and doing what they do. However, blending in with them is not going to stop anti semitism. What will stop anti semitism is being who we should be and doing what we should do - Learning about heritage, marrying Jewish, and practicing the many mitzvos we have that help us to grow.
Non Jews can convert to Judaism accordingly with Jewish law if they want to be Jewish. However, some might Not Want to. And so it's good to find a Jewish partner that you can build a Torah home with.

(217)
Anonymous,
August 11, 2010 12:32 AM

answering #202

susan,hitler is alive and well and kicking,kicking himself gleefully.people like the famous bride and now well known chusen -bridegroom are completing adolf's job,oh,god forbid,not by annihilation,gassing,or any of those horrific hellish deaths sentences but,by more prozaic ways and means,especially in this case,where the bride is non jewish and thus will remain,and according to the jewish halacha their children will be non jewish,no matter what,so,in their unrothodox ways they are completing adolf jewish extermination,and in this instance,your opinion meidale doesnt count.the jewish race,beliefs and nation lasted no matter who wanted to exterminnate us,pharo,esau,nebudchanessar,titus,haman,torquemada,chamelnitzky,hitler and eichman or achmadnegad,and now,the methodists,presbeateraneans and others like them.

(216)
Anonymous,
August 10, 2010 11:16 PM

Leave us alone

If marrying a Jew is of such earth shattering importance, don't date Gentiles. It's very simple. Your faith and traditions are so important so why stray by dating outside your special beliefs? Why should the Gentile convert? Aren't their beliefs and traditions special too? Actually, why should ANYONE convert? Marriage isn't "makeover" time. You love the person as is or stick with your own kind and stop causing unhappiness by making people feel that they aren't good enough for you.

(215)
Ella Moscati,
August 10, 2010 10:58 PM

Its about time!

Its about time someone was brave enough to write such an honest article.I agree and am totally with you.

(214)
JOY,
August 10, 2010 10:12 PM

I MARRIED A JEWISH MAN
I FELL IN LOVE WITH HIM AND HIS PEOPLE
I M BORN IN A NON-JEWISH FAMILY,MY HUSBAND WS A NON-OBSERVING JEW.
IT APPEARS THAT I AM MORE JEWISH THAN MY HUSBAND.
NOW HE OBSERVES SHABAT AND HAS LOVE FOR HIS PEOPLE
WE HAVE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL AND VERY WISE JEWISH CHILDREN.
YOU SHOULD ALWAYS MARRY THE ONE YOU REALLY LOVE.
THAN EVERYTHING IS POSSIBLE
I HOPE FOR CHELSEA AND MARC THAT THEIR MARRIAGE IS BASED ON REAL LOVE

(213)
Francois BLUM,
August 10, 2010 10:06 PM

Please read the Tanach

only some questions : have you ever read the Tanach and all the propheties which are written about the one the Jewish People has been for so long waiting for ? Have you ever considered what all our Prophets (David, Isaiah, Jeremiah, Ezekiel, Daniel, Micah....) have so well described, all events of the life on earth of Joshua as our Machiah, descendant of David and Abraham ?
Have you ever thought about all benedictions given to Abraham in favour of all nations on the earth (Genesis 22.17-18) ?
What is then wrong in that marriage of Mark with a young lady who believe in the blessings received through our jewish linage ?
And this is not a joke, but the kipa is not more than 500 years old in our tradition, just to look like gentiles.

(212)
Anonymous,
August 10, 2010 9:52 PM

I am not Jewish. May I say with the utmost respect, that gentiles may not understand the rich traditions or the conserving of them however, when I see Jewishness I deeply respect them especially after the threat that Hitler posed towards our brethren of the Jewish race. Not everyone will intermarry. With feelings that abound towards this beautiful heritage it is unlikely that it will disappear. It's sad how we are going to jump on a guy who decides to marry a woman whom he loves which may not be of his race. At least, she's a special gentile, no? Could she also help Jewish relations with the US? Let's give the guy a little brake. Long Live Judaism.

(211)
Anonymous,
August 10, 2010 9:48 PM

We do care: and you are wrong!

I have four children(3 girls-one boy);we kept a Jewish,Kosher home;all children educated at Jewish Day School;I am one of only two Honorary members of an Orthodox Shul;my daughter married a Methodist;she brings up her daughters as Jews;we (parents and grandparents)do care and just could not prevent the intermarriage.

(210)
Abraham A. Tache,
August 10, 2010 9:04 PM

Metzvinsky-Clinton Marriage

When Rabbi Rothman writes "Mark Mezvinsky's intermarriage is the result of our inaction", whose inaction is he talking about? For decades I have been speaking aloud to any Rabbi and influential Jew that we were losing our youth. Demanding a "Mitzvah Project" during Bar Mitzvah time places undue pressure on the young so that when they leave the shul after their Bar Mitzvah the young men swear they'll never go back. Go to a shul and see the same old people being called to Torah honors during Shabbat and the Holidays. Shuls are proud to attract "young couples" but seldom the unmarried because they consider them a waste of scarce resources. I could go on and on. My wife of 25 years converted to Judaism before our marriage because we both believed that there should be only one religion in the family. Mark Metzvinsky's intermarriage is NOT the result of my inaction.

(209)
LINDY4LOU,
August 10, 2010 8:45 PM

BIGGEST SIN OF ALL?

WHY NO MENTION OF THE FACT THAT THEY WERE MARRIED ON SHABBAT? I THINK A RABBI WHO BREAKS THE 4TH COMMANDMENT SHOULD NOT BE A RABBI.

(208)
Rosalind K.,
August 10, 2010 8:32 PM

Mark and Chelsea's Wedding

What Rabbi would officiate at a "Jewish Wedding" on the Sabbath? This was no Jewish Wedding. Mark and his future offspring are lost to the Jewish people forever. That is the long and the short of the entire matter.

(207)
Harvey Sinclair,
August 10, 2010 8:22 PM

Genetic modification is bad for our health.

This is a sad hybrid which will ultimately end up with spiritually sterile mules. sorry for the strong words, but they are heartfelt, and I am sadly upset by our loss of who was potentially a good, proud Jew. The US made us successful, but sadly many of us have joined the melting pit, and downgraded their Judaism to equal that of a person saying they are Italian, or French, or in my case, a Brit, and their Judiasm is as dilutable as others' country of origin.

(206)
Debra Chandler,
August 10, 2010 8:05 PM

Can't agree with you more!!

Many Jewish singles are looking desperately to find someone Jewish to marry with very little support from the Jewish community. One must rely on J Date or other dating sites to try and find a mate of Jewish background. What happened to the old fashion networking style of match making used in Jewish communities of Europe? In contrast the Christan community hosts support groups and social functions for those without a mate to support their members. We need to work on inviting Jews to participate in the community and supporting the needs of the members in this regard.

(205)
Israel,
August 10, 2010 7:42 PM

Great Article

Great Article , I think that is exactly what we should be learning from this episode.

(204)
Anonymous,
August 10, 2010 7:31 PM

I found this article offensive

I was proud of the fact that Mark identified himself proudly as a Jew at his wedding ceremony and portraying him as a traitor to his faith was offensive. I guess there are all levels of acceptance. I choose to be more tolerant.

(203)
Rowena Osmond,
August 10, 2010 6:57 PM

Can this benefit world Jewry?

Would the fact that Secretary of State Hilary Clinton has a Jewish son-in law make any difference to the way they treat the State of Israel and the wordwide body of Jews? We can only hope.

(202)
Joanne Rose Toronto,
August 10, 2010 6:49 PM

Selfishness on Marc's part

I married my spouse as a non Jew and along with my children have gone through conversion twice recently to discover I was born Jewish.
We are told that intermarriage is forbidden in the Torah. Some think this is antiquainted and has no meaning in our current multicutural open society and the ease at which people are able meet on another. It can't be surprising that this happens. To disparage this is a foolish.
However let me come to my real point. When something is strictly forbidden in the Torah it is for a reason-a good reason.
The differences between Jews and non Jews are not superficial like the world we live in. They are deep and are connected back to the beginning of time. A Jew who marries a non Jew in fact is doing something rather selfish. What I mean is that to bring a non Jew into the history of the Jewish people and our current situation is unfair. There is a much higher rate of divorce in these familes as we know. Behind the scenes their is often suffering for the the couple and their families. We work hard on the outside to prove everyone wrong that their marriage will be different.
The personal pain of a child who is never quite able to find a fit and connect to an identity that is theirs is difficult in life. It may be seem in the short term easier to marry a non jew as demands that are placed on a Jew can be avoided whether you wear a Kippah on your wedding day or not. The spiritual connection will be different and I would add not have the same potential for either partner. As for Marc being proud of his Jewishness we could surmize that in the name of equality he was encouraged to identify as Jewish by his non Jewish partner. Most non Jews when exposed to Judaism are attracked to it. It may be that if a couple would take the time to explore their authentic selves prior to marriage they may come to a different conclusion.
As for the famous part. The Jew has always being trying to imitate the non Jew and they deeply resent us for it.

(201)
susan,
August 10, 2010 5:54 PM

Why convert

I ws offended by the article. All of the stories and my own personal knoledge show that Mark did grow up in a strong Jewish home. No one failed him. You can not control who you love. The blending of the two faiths show that they ae both proud independent people. May they be happy

(200)
rivke,
August 10, 2010 5:10 PM

lashon hara

Aish is dedicating space and energy and time to speculation on how observant is a man, whom I'm assuming the rabbi does not personally know.
It reads like the gossiping of old women.
I understand it was supposed to illustrate a concern and force a call to action: invite that nice young man or woman to the table on Shabbat. Help support programs that strengthen identity, ectc
But what this essay came out as gossip and hate, and more division withing Judaism.
You personally might not agree with differing levels of observance, but I doubt this article would have been written had the woman in question been Reform, Reconstructionist or Renewal.
Look at this from the other side: people were pleased to have a Jewish man, identifying as Jewish, in their family.

(199)
Sylvie7,
August 10, 2010 5:03 PM

The Wedding

s
Mark wearing tallit and kipa, with all the other Jewish 'decoration': Chupah, Sheva Brachot, breaking a glass, was ridictulous.This was not a Jewish wedding.
An intermarriage can be accomplished before a Justice of the Peace. I really don't understand why a guy who "cares" chose to make a mockery of our traditions without realizing that he was not only not honoring them but actually removing any meaning.

(198)
RR,
August 10, 2010 4:43 PM

Exclusion By Your Own Tribe

I found this story timely, given that a Jewish dating site just rejected my "membership". The offense? My mother converted to Judaism- through a wonderful Conservative congregation and rabbi - before she married my father. The site thus says I did not have a "Jewish mother" - althought they do accept converts (but apparently not my own mother's conversion).
Having attended Hebrew school for years; being Bat Mitvah'd; confirmed; presided over a city-wide BBG; belonged to Hillel; very active in Israel issues - I am not considered Jewish for this website! Yet a "Jewish man" who eats bacon and puts up Christmas trees is "Jewish" and eligible to be on the website because...his mother was considered legitimately Jewish and my mother is not. So with such an exclusive club, how does someone as tainted as me qualify?
So hypocrisy can drive someone toward inter-marriage. Oh right - I'm not really inter-marrying since I'm not Jewish!

(197)
Anonymous,
August 10, 2010 4:34 PM

What has changed over the years...

is that there are Rabbis that will officiate a traditional Jewish wedding with a gentile. Beyond that, there are temples and communities where you could bring your gentile spouse and feel quite comfortable.

(196)
Anonymous,
August 10, 2010 4:33 PM

mark mezvinsky's mother is a prominent member of Har Zion synagogue. He lives in predominently Jewish neighborhood, where Aish is active. It's no one's fault, he was not underpriveledged. This is who he picked. Leave it alone and find other things to be guilty about.

(195)
Anonymous,
August 10, 2010 3:46 PM

I relate to this

I have a friend who was president of his Hillel and ended up intermarrying. Wearing a kippa at in intermarriage is like getting a tattoo of a magen david (which I have seen). In this generation we have people who are proud to be Jewish, yet don't know what they are proud of.

(194)
buzfromjersey,
August 10, 2010 3:30 PM

Who are you to judge?

I'm a non-practicing Irish Catholic. My formative years were in an overwhelmingly Jewish neighborhood. My friends were all Jewish. My girlfriends were Jewish. My family eventually moved. By chance, and chance alone, I married an Irish Catholic woman. If we had stayed and I had married a Jewish woman because we were in love, who is the writer to condemn? I choose to believe Chelsea and Mark are in love. Jewishness will survive and thrive. Let us hope this union does as well.

(193)
Reb, Doris Feinstein,
August 10, 2010 3:04 PM

Truly sad

I felt very saddened to see a Jewish young man
in a intermarriage service albeit the attempt to
incorporate some Jewish Traditions.
In teaching many people to come to Judaism in
my many years I felt intensively as was stated
in the article a Jew who was not reached.
I pray that there will be others who will reassess
before their relationship grows the importance of
going one way in the raising of children.
May Hashem guide us to give our people the
loving instruction to keep our young people in
the fold to serve Him ivdu et Hashem b'simcha.

(192)
Esther Hirsch,
August 10, 2010 2:20 PM

The test is sayiing no to marrying such a famous person.

Would Mark have intermarried into a non jewish not famous family? I understand your point and its true but not sure that he is the best example since he may have asked another girl to convert. Bill and Hillary are very powerful and likewise Chelsie due to their stature. He himself becomes famous and part of this prominent family. I saw guys with Kippah's at the ceremony. I think that he weighed the situation and obviously loves her but wouldn't want to rock the boat. Not convinced that he would have wanted to have both worlds

(191)
Bonnie,
August 10, 2010 2:19 PM

I was offended by the article. While I would have been happy to marry a Jewish man if there had been one worth marrying while I was in high school and college, that didn't seem to be in the cards for me. I've been married to my originally non-Jewish husband for 42 years. He converted to Judaism on our 14th anniversary, after years of study, temple membership and attendance, realizing that all his values coincided with Judaism's teachings, and agreeing to raise our future children Jewish. I respected him, and while he was not a practicing Christian, I would not ask him to convert. Once he did, of course, I was overjoyed. We remain Jewish; our children each celebrated bnai mitzvah and confirmation; and I consider our marriage to be the best!
How do we know that Mark did not attend or accept an invitation to Shabbat dinner? Perhaps down the road, Chelsea will convert to Judaism., or perhaps not. But in a marriage of respect which goes both ways, as well as love, it can work out, perhaps not ideally in terms of "saving Judaism" but in terms of a successful and happy marriage which is what they deserve.
The rabbi (author if this article) sounds to me as if he would not accept a convert because they are not "pure..."

(190)
Kate,
August 10, 2010 2:10 PM

Not so clear

I am a Jewish convert. I married an Israeli man and subsequently converted. We are now divorced and I remain Jewish. Sometimes when different cultures intermingle hearts fall. If the Jewish partner maintains a clear an defined Jewish lifestyle, such as celebrating Shabbat, and wearing Kippot proudly and eating Kosher, it shines as a beacon to the non-Jewish spouse. I have found in MANY circumstances the Jewish life speaks to the non-Jew and calls them to a full part in the Jewish community. Not because of the marriage, but because of the example presented. I would much rather see Marc wear his tallit and kippah at his marriage to a non-Jew and perhaps see Chelsea convert later, than to see him skulk to the alter as though her were ashamed. I would also much rather see a spouse convert AFTER the marriage because then it is more likely to be a TRUE conversion of the heart, not just a token jesture to placate a closed minded family. Short of retiring to ghettos again, as long as Jews are an integral part of the society they live in there will be temptations and occassions to intermarry. It is the attitude of the Jewish community that will determine whether or not that Jew and his or her family will be salvaged as a part of the Jewish people at large. Disapproval and shunning are not a good way to show people just how beautiful a way of life can be, all it does is reinforce to the non-Jewish spouse just how the stereotypical idea of Jews might be correct. I say Mazle Tov to Marc and Chelsea, and I say to the Jewish community now make her feel welcome and show her why a Jewish life is the best way to live.

(189)
Miriam,
August 10, 2010 1:58 PM

Shame on you.

What do you know about Mark's background?
There are children of rabbis who intermarry.Perhaps Chelsea will convert.

(188)
Anonymous,
August 10, 2010 1:55 PM

Intermarriage

I think the comments by #180 are right on. Without Jewish training it's like building a house without a foundation.

(187)
Anonymous,
August 10, 2010 1:51 PM

Jewish couple?

My sons tried so hard to find a Jewish girl in universities. No one was interested in them. In the end one of them married out, and the second doesn't feel they are for him. I know some young Jewish young men/women like my children who gave up.

(186)
Dr. Michael L. Dean,
August 10, 2010 1:47 PM

When pointing fingers, Rabbi Rothman is correct in suggesting that we should first point them at ourselves, for Kol Yisrael Arevim, Zeh Bah Zeh - all Israel is reponsible for one other. It saddens me that a "rabbi" chose to co-officiate and while it was still Shabbat. When we compromise away our values, we compromise our morality and identity. Such a slippery slope threatens us all.

(185)
Steven Nagourney,
August 10, 2010 1:37 PM

I too agree with Evelyn Demanuele - Mark broke the holiest of days which Hashem decreed in the Torah - he should not have worn his kippah and talit he made an absolute mockery of being Jewish. Could he not have waited for Shabbat to be over with? He insulted his fellow Jews and more importantly HaShem! Hence, he shows utter ignorance of being a Jew.

(184)
Anonymous,
August 10, 2010 1:33 PM

I found the marriage between Mark & Chelsea a total mockery - first of all to get married on a Saturday with a tallis and kippah, with a Methodist Minister - how more ludicrous does it get? I mourn the loss of another Jew and his descendants. The children will definitely not be Jewish as the mother is not Jewish, unless she decides to convert the proper Orthodox way. This wedding was a joke and not worth a "mazaltov".

(183)
Anonymous,
August 10, 2010 1:27 PM

Inaction?

First of all...his name is spelled "MARC"....not MARK. Secondly...how come LOVE was never mentioned even ONCE in your article? I thought love was all-powerful and leaps all boundaries...He is true to his religion, and fell in love with someone of another religion. It happens. Learn to live with it. Just the fact that he DID bring his Judaic heritage into his marriage ceremony speaks volumes...Why are you so one-sided in your thinking? If Chelsea was Jewish would you be happier? As long as they RESPECT, LOVE and COMMUNICATE, this will be a great marriage. More people who marry within the religion get divorced than intermarriages. This is a fact. As for your question about why he wasn't invited to a Shabbat dinner? What difference would that have made when it came to who he fell in love with? Next time you write an article so degrading, think of LOVE first. It was LOVE that brought these 2 young people together. Their love will be a part of their combined religions. I think your article is insulting and close-minded.

(182)
Anonymous,
August 10, 2010 1:13 PM

It is so terribly hurtful to read your thoughts, Rabbi Rothman. As the result of an interfaith marriage, I winced as I read each of your venomous attacks on Mr. Mezvinsky. We may not all be frum, but we are certainly all Jews. Why would you forsake your family like this? We do not always choose who we love. I hope to marry a Jew. But if I were to fall in love with someone with a good heart and a dedication to Hashem, why would I not marry him? It is the same G-d.
This is exactly why so many Jews stray from our faith. In case you haven't noticed, the world has changed. We don't have to give up everything, but we are not an island.

(181)
Anonymous,
August 10, 2010 12:35 PM

two points about the wedding and intermarriage

I would like to make two points:
1. The wedding of Mark and Chelsea was also officiated by a Methodist minister. So, apparently Chelsea's Methodist upbringing was important to her. How likely is it then that their children will be brought up solely in the Jewish tradition?
2. As stated in a previous comment, I find it reprehensible to label Jews who oppose intermarriage as racist. The founding of the United States was based on among other things freedom of religion. The objection to Jewish intermarriage is Torah based and not due to any negative views toward non Jews and is hence neither bigoted nor racist.

(180)
Shlomo Levine,
August 10, 2010 12:17 PM

Well Put

The average "frum" person most likely couldn’t have any sort of intelligent persuasive conversation with someone considering intermarriage. Perhaps because we who live in Jewish "ghettos" rarely interact with someone intermarrying, we simply don't feel the necessity to learn those reasons. Therefore, we can't articulate the reasons not to marry out of the faith to someone who sees no reason why not to. Kiruv aptitude is sorely lacking in the “frum” communities. At least Aish (and others, of course) are trying to change that fact.

(179)
Anonymous,
August 10, 2010 10:59 AM

I don't think it is that we do not care as jews I think the reason is that we do not know what to do to get through to Jews who are proud to be Jewish and actually flaunt their judaism but have no real objection to marrying a nonjew. I do not believe the answer is that they have not been invited to a succah or Shabbat dinner, on the contrary they probably have been invited to many dinners with other “heads of state” Jews and the who’s who of Judaism. My belief and (this is coming from a proud Jew who was not particularly brought up Jewish but has traveled through life realizing the importance of continuing Judaism in my family, ) is that Marc as well as other proud Jews have not had a Jewish education, and I don’t just mean Hebrew school. They have not had the proper “orthodox” education to learn what Judaism is all about. To really feel like a Jew and to actually learn the reasons behind why this is important and not to just “brush over” it lightly. This is brought about by a Jewish education to be followed by living in a Jewish environment with a strong support system of Jewish educators , rabbis, and mentors. This needs to begin early on in childhood and continue through especially the older teen years. In other words I do not believe it is enough just to send your child to Jewish preschool and that’s it. To me more importantly are those years from 13 and up( after a bar or bat mitzvah). Please understand that I also believe that some Judaism is better than none but I think we kid ourselves when we condone this type of marriage because it is basically an example of blatant, and unfortunately public assimilation

(178)
Anonymous,
August 10, 2010 10:25 AM

I agree with Evelyn Demanuele - Mark broke the holiest of days which Hashem decreed in the Torah - he should not have worn his kippah and talit he made an absolute mockery of being Jewish.

(177)
Anonymous,
August 10, 2010 8:56 AM

THANK YOU FOR AN HONEST APPRAISAL OF THE CLINTON-MEZVINSKY MARRIAGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT'S REFRESHING TO READ THE TRUTH INSTEAD OF ALL THOSE IDIOTIC "MAZAL TOVS"!

(176)
aryeh,
August 10, 2010 6:07 AM

comment to "My Interpretation" - what did the rabi mean?!

You write "This does not mean that all intermarriages are doomed to failure. Or that conversely, all 'kosher' marriages are destined for success."
This is not what the rabi meant - the success, or the non success of such or other marriage.
What the rabi meant, as I understand it - is that such - intermarriage will lead to the end the connection of this soul - of mr. Mezvinsky - and his children - when will be - with the jewish people

(175)
Joyce,
August 10, 2010 4:49 AM

Not that I am in favour of intermarriage. In fact I always say G-d forbid it happen even to our Jewish person we do not get along with at all. However, we should not ignore this very fact that a lot of intermarriages are taking place all over the world. I fully agree with Mike (158). With rigid rules and regulations amongst ourselves, we may be delaying the coming of the Messiah. We are all in exile because we have to gather the sparks and also for converts to embrace Judaism. But how many of our own people welcome such people. It is high time we stop looking down on such fellow Jews NOW. Each and everyone out there, reading this comment of mine, please do not let a single Jew go away from coming to us. May we hasten the coming of the Messiah by every little good towards each other in whatever way we can.

(174)
Anonymous,
August 10, 2010 3:01 AM

my thoughts

i'm glad i'm not the only one that thought this whole thing was a farce and not an example that is "good for the Jews." It only reinforces the thought that you CAN have it both ways.

(173)
Evelyn Demanuele,
August 10, 2010 3:00 AM

Marriage on Shabbat!

How could they have married on Shabbat and violated the day that was supposed to be set apart for G-d? This wasn't a Jewish ceremony at all!!

(172)
susannah garbutt,
August 10, 2010 2:34 AM

disagreement

With all due respect to Rabbi Rothman, I cannot see that firstly, an intermarriage is a catastrophe, and that other Jews should blame themselves. In a strong faith, even though intermarriages occur, it is not the end of the world - enough remain to alleviate fears of wholesale outmarriages. And who knows, Chelsea may decide that she would like to convert to Judaism further down the track. The rabbi has given an interpretation of the wedding and its significance that a fundamentalist of any religion would be proud of. Please G-d, that he relax, and take comfort that Judaism is not going to be swallowed up by intermarriage, on the contrary, there may be many who wish to convert, given that it is the foundation of the major three monotheist religions and has so much to offer. My apologies if I have offended him, Susannah.

(171)
suzanne,
August 10, 2010 1:57 AM

We should be making aliyah

If American Jews moved to Israel, inter-marriage would go way down. We should all really think about it!

(170)
Nedaviah,
August 10, 2010 12:58 AM

Pity...

Too bad there children will not be considered Jewish... unless Chelsea decides to convert somewhere down the line. Look at it this way... Nothing happens by chance. EVERYTHING is according to Hashem's will. This may be exactly what is needed as part of their tikkunim (soul corrections). Hashem is the ultimate matchmaker. Maybe this is Hashem's way to teach this couple the basic principles, get them started, get Chelsea to ask questions. I wouldn't be surprised if somewhere down the road she did do a proper conversion. A person has to start somewhere. Or maybe this is a wake up call for Mark. Either way, This is obviously what Hashem had in mind...

(169)
Guy Gold,
August 10, 2010 12:37 AM

Two become one flesh

Which one do they become , a Jew or Gentile. I admire Mark Mezvinsky for wearing the talit and kippah at the wedding. A lot of religious folks hide their religion before departing their house of worship.

(168)
Sarah,
August 9, 2010 10:39 PM

To Anonymous, Response #147

I have a wonderful article - not sure where I found it - that gives compelling reasons NOT to intermarry. It is from an Orthodox perspective but the reasons are not given in "don't do this" fashion so they might resonate with your nephew. If you write to me at sarahdinah@yahoo.com, I'd be happy to forward it to you.

(167)
Esther,
August 9, 2010 9:53 PM

Never give up on a person!

Why are we so quick in writing Mr Mezvinsky off? As long as he is alive, till the moment of his last breath, he can still do Teshuva! Every person has to go their own journey in life, to fight their own personal battles. Of course, everyone of us has to contribute more to outreach, but in the end, everyone has free will, everyone has to make their own decision in life. For some people, it might take longer to get on the right track. But even though it might be difficult, it is never too late.

(166)
Helen Steinberg,
August 9, 2010 8:58 PM

Rabbi Rothman is right about us!

Rabbi Rothman, Has put a mirror into the faces of modern Jewish parents and communities. As we approach Yom Kippor when we pray as a community, we should realize that redemption comes more than just one day a year. The COMMUNITY should keep in touch and never let us forget our heritage. As proud as Chelsea's new husband is to be Jewish, the marriage has cost our people 5,000 years of lost tradition. Another generation, once again, lost to secularism. May he see this before there are offspring. If he does, we must re-embrace and TEACH him!

(165)
Anonymous,
August 9, 2010 8:36 PM

My experience as a single Jewish man in his mid thirties trying to find a Jewish wife has been disappointing. It's been made clear to me more than once, by relatives of the different Jewish girls I've been interested in that their daughters needed more ambitious guys. What they really mean is that you have to make a lot of money to marry into this family.

(164)
Benzion Klatzko,
August 9, 2010 8:33 PM

The solution is at our doorstep!!!!!!

If someone had directed him to sign up for www.shabbat.com , within 2 weeks he would have been invited for Shabbat!!
With 500 people a week being invited, all we need to do is spread the word to our brethren. The Jewish people will then pick up the ball and run with it!
Let's go everyone...let's create the Jewish network that would have made Reb Noach proud!!

(163)
Devora,
August 9, 2010 8:11 PM

We have been abandoned by the community

I speak from the heart as I am one the abandoned Jews left on the pier as all my friends have sailed away into marriage and family. As I progress into my mid 30's, I agree that even well meaning people take a huge distance and focus on "younger & more marrigeable" aged girls. Mark has gone the way of many Jewish men. At my nephews Brit, I ran into a charming woman whose brother married Russian/Christian woman who"loves Jews and promised to raise the kids Jewish". Needless to say I have an emotional meltdown every time I see this woman. Its niot her fault her brother is another jerk who married outside the tribe and left another ewish girl with out a husband. I do agree that relationships with non-Jews are easier. The Goyim are far less complicated and easier to connect with. They are also far more easier going on all levels in life.
The bottom line is that as long as Jewish men insst on marrying shiksas, women will have no choice but to marry outside the Jewish people and follow suit. What the community can do about it, is each person can take responsibility and make a list of all the single Jewish guys they know, make a list of all the single Jewish girls and lets all begin introducing them to eachother. All the successful marriages I know, there was an introduction involved. Internet dating is frustrating and its an illusuion. It gives single men the illusion that they have unlimited possibilities and therefore they feel justified in being almost impossible to please and nitpicking everything. They can reproduce anytime wheras women seem to have an expiration date in the Jewish community.
Instead of just praying and waiting for something to change, let's all take responsibility, take some action and transform the trend ourselves.

(162)
Unlisted,
August 9, 2010 5:09 PM

Mark Mezvinsky's intermarriage is the result of the REFORM MOVEMENT's action and HIS PARENTS' inaction.

His parents aren't exactly stellar Jews. His father is a convicted felon who did jail time.
So they didn't set a great example for him of people whose behavior is Kiddush Hashem!
And because they allowed him to have this atrocity that led many Americans to believe it was OK and was a "Jewish" wedding, that's "felony "action that they will have to account for in olam habah!

(161)
Anonymous,
August 9, 2010 4:53 PM

Missing the Boat

This guy did not intermarry becuase someone didn't invite him to a Shabbos table. Many of my friends and I have been to countless Shabbos tables -- we have been to Israel for many years learning in seminaries -- religious, orthodox seminaries -- and were even totally on board with no only marrying a Jew, but a very religious Jew. Then, lo and behold, as the clock ticks and we're not married, and all of those well-meaning Rabbis/families have dropped us off their radars because we are now "too old" (e.g. 34), we begin to wonder, is it really worth being single? How long can we try and try and try to marry Jewish before giving up?
I also saw the wedding photo, and thought, UGH, the kippah with the non-Jew! But it wasn't because I didn't understand why he did it, it was becuase that's one more Jewish guy who abandoned the Jewish girls trying to get married!

(160)
Channa,
August 9, 2010 4:40 PM

We are responsible

We moved to a smaller Maritime Canadian city where regrettably the Jewish population is tiny and is dwindling. It is a lonely place for someone single. The Jewish Council offers very little in the way of connecting Jews to Jews.Is this because of budgetary restrictions or are the priorities to blame? The main priority in this town is sending charity to Israel otherwise there is no real ourteach. There are two shuls but based on those who attend they are almost interchangable. There is a well established Jewish camp,and an afternoon Jewish school program, a program for seniors, but when it comes to young adult programing- there is nothing here. There are no job connections to Jewish businesse unless you were born here, s, no dances, no shabbatons, no meet and greets, no web pages for Jewish connections, so where is a Jewish single supposed to meet a potential mate? Our young college educated leave because the director who is himself middle aged and unmarried doesn't see this as a priority even though the numbers speak loudly and clearly. Consequently why wonder why many intermarry. Even converts don't know what being Jewish can mean except on an academic bases and the divorce rate is high because the novelty wears off. There is no kind of extended family feeling, shidduchim do not exist, so inevitably it becomes each man for himself So why do we wonder? You say that this malaise is universal. Pity. AS for Chelsea, will she convert? Did Caroline Kennedy?

(159)
(146),
August 9, 2010 4:00 PM

My Interpretation

I think the rabbi does not mean to blame the community for this marriage per se. As some readers pointed out, there may have been external factors why he may have not been educated to realize that his actions are misguided. What the rabbi meant was that mixed-marriages, highlighted by this particular marriage, are a result of our inaction.
The reality of the situation is that this is a tragedy. When one's religion is viewed in the same light as one's political opinions and food preferences, then we have reached a new low. Vegetarian or non-vegetarian, sushi-lover or sushi-non-lover, does not play a role in one's life decisions and goals. One's religion is a guiding principle for life.
Jew and non-Jew should not marry as dictated by their religions. This is the reality.
This does not mean that all intermarriages are doomed to failure. Or that conversely, all 'kosher' marriages are destined for success. That depends on the compatibility of the two partners, and their willingness to commit to each other, among other things.
Finally, the issue of "holy love" is non-existent to any intellectual who allows himself to study the matter while putting his feelings and emotions aside. Were we all to fall in love, and fall in hate, the world as it stands now would be doomed.
We can only hope that our actions can result in the sharing of our beautiful and fulfilling heritage to all Jews all over the world.

(158)
Mike A.,
August 9, 2010 3:45 PM

An Intermarried View

I was not raised with a genuine sense of Yiddishkeit, and sadly when I met the woman I married keeping my Jewish heritage was not important. After having kids though, suddenly it all changed. I became increasingly more observant, and wanted to do all I could to become truly orthodox. I keep shomer, I gave up pork, shellfish, cheeseburgers, began fasting on even minor fast days, and began attending regular weekday minyan at the Orthodox shul.
Yet when I earnestly joined, the Rabbi told me that while I could pray, I could not be a member BECAUSE of my intermarriage. Now, someone explain to me how I could bring my wife to Judaism (and by extention our children), with all the work and learning that entails, when we've been told quite clearly we are not welcome as members?
Orthodox Jewry must work harder at being more inclusive.
My point is, that while the sages advised on building a fence around the Torah, time would be put to better use building a LARGER fence -- around our community, and finding compassionate shepherds to lead to wandering herd back into jewish life, instead of allowing them to stray then putting up obstacles when one awakens to the path of the Baal T'shuva.

(157)
Kathleen,
August 9, 2010 3:20 PM

Intermarriage by humans has always been.

There is no way to deny humans' attractions to each other. This is not a reason for Jews to feel slighted, in my opinion. Many convert to Judaism when they marry outside their own religion. Many don't. It's the way things work.

(156)
Anonymous,
August 9, 2010 3:09 PM

Agree with 111

I come from a mother that studied genealogy. I have a grandfather that was a Russian Jew. I also have a line of 7 generations of Christian Reverends in my heritage. I was not taught either by my mother but went from being a Christian to now going to Torah study because after years of studying the Christian faith don't believe in the Trinity. I appreciate and love the people at the Temple that have welcomed me to Torah study and I have not converted yet. How does any one know that Chelsea is not on the path of conversion?

(155)
Iris,
August 9, 2010 3:06 PM

I am happy for Mark and Chelsea

It is not important that Mark and Chelsea had Jewish or Methodist rituals in their wedding ceremony, or if they raise their children as Jews, Methodists or with no religion at all. What matters is that they love and respect one another and raise their children accordingly.

(154)
Dru Kolker,
August 9, 2010 2:23 PM

I was very lucky to find the wonderful Jewish man who was to become my husband. He expressed his wishes that if we had children he would want them to be raised Jewish. He did not want me to convert for the sake of converting. He allowed me to explore what it meant to be jewish. I was very fortunate that we belonged to a congregation that included me and helped me learn. They were warm welcoming and inclusive. After learning and studying my decision was an easy one. We have a Jewish home, a Jewish life and Jewish children. The direction that both my husband and his congregation took helped us and our family make this commitment.

(153)
shimon,
August 9, 2010 1:57 PM

Please if he was frum the only reason he would have gotten married is because he is rich otherwise if he was frum and average guy he would be part of the so called ?"singles crisis". Maybe you should worry about all the Jews who actually want to marry someone Jewish who can't find anyone.

(152)
,
August 9, 2010 1:19 PM

Excellent piece

Hey you really told it how it is. If some people can't handle the hard true to all of this, then they need some educating of themselves

(151)
Anonymous,
August 9, 2010 1:08 PM

that is just how it goes

to be honest I do not see anything wrong with it because I got to the point as a jewish woman that I am in my 30s and I am not religious so it is extra hard to find a jewish guy.
Why bother and if I can open up my options why not and I do not want to grow old alone and have no family so that is why I would definitely would marry a non-jew as if there is no jewish guys out there to marry (and so far had not many good experience with them anyways) then that is what meant to be!

(150)
Anonymous,
August 9, 2010 11:58 AM

Jewish feelings at Life Cycle Events

I have seen many Bar Mitzvahs and weddings that had a Jewish component because a parent either got sentimental or they were doing a favor for a grandparent or uncle. I have seen bar mitzvahs that a grandfather was given the honor to say Hamotzi and could barely stumble through the words. But here was something Jewish. Maybe that was the case at this wedding. Somebody wanted a token Jewish custom at the wdding. Also perhaps it was the Clintons themselves who requested the Jewish part of the wedding, so they can turn around any say, see we are not against the Jews. We have a Jewish son-in-law and see, there were Jewish elements in the wedding.

(149)
Susan Maron,
August 9, 2010 11:32 AM

Clinton Melvinsky marriage

I am disappointed with and saddened by this article. Mr. Melvinsky's actions are HIS alone. No one can or should be collectively in charge of an individual's choice, no matter how noble the intention. What would happen to the world if a group mentality overtook the right's of one person? I am a convert to Judaism and according to your philosophy, had I not met my Jewish by birth husband, I would never have found my true call to Judaism. Do we want to be a people of exclusion? WE, of all people??

(148)
Murray Nightingale,
August 9, 2010 10:40 AM

Love is all that matters

In the morning prayers, our Rabbis in their great wisdom, composed the following blessing that we say just before the Shema:
With an abundant love have you loved us, Hashem, our G-d,...Our Father, our King, for the sake of our forefathers who trusted in You and whom You taught the decrees of life, may you be equally gracious to us and teach us. ...instill in our hearts to understand and elucidate, to listen, learn, teach, safeguard, perform and fulfill all the words of Your Torah's teaching with love. Enlighten our eyes in Your Torah, attach our hearts to Your commandments, and unify our hearts to love and fear your name....
G-d, our supreme Father, who only wants good for us and loves us, must be crying, so to speak, for every Marc, and Michael, and Sarah and Sophie who, whether out of ignorance or anger, laziness or malice, turns away from the Torah of Live which he gifted to us with such abundant love. On the eve of Rosh Chodesh Elul, may Hashem not judge us too harshly, we who do know of the brilliance of His Torah, for our failure to love our fellow Jews enough to embrace them and bring them closer to the precious gift of our Torah of life.

(147)
Anonymous,
August 9, 2010 10:09 AM

help

Sending this article to my nephew who is likely to intermarry won't convince him not to do so. Can you suggest an article that provides a compelling argument not to intermarry?

(146)
Rosaura,
August 9, 2010 9:45 AM

Appearance

I am not a Jew and my native language is not english but I would like to say that I have find so many answers in judaism and I always come to it to find wisdom. I think that in the same way there are "not jews" that become Jews (as Ruth) there are Jews that have not the desire to fulfill their "role" or "mision" or identity and perhaps they have their own way to find Judaism and in the meanwhile they can be a mean to won a "new" jew...according to me it is judaism that must be strong enogh to not disapire. Judaisn has influenced so much the World and perhaps jews who intermarriage do some kind of service to judaism...however I agree that perhaps Jews have to understand better the importance of being a Jew and if they really understood that they would proudly want to keep their identity. According to me marrying a jews is not a garantee of beein a good Jew...it would be just see what is appearent.

(145)
Anonymous,
August 9, 2010 6:08 AM

Stop the blame game.

The bottom line is it happened. We don't know why it did, but it did. And instead of blaming I think every Jew that still has any feelings for the jewish people and for our g-d in heaven should take some time out of his/her busy schedule and just "CRY" not just for this tremendous "very public" chillul hashem -- desecration of God's Name -- but for all the great tragedies that we are witnessing in these very scary times. May we all merit to see great things !

(144)
Anonymous,
August 9, 2010 6:01 AM

I want to add..

One important point I think should be stressed, is that some have accused Jews for being 'racist' or not inclusive to non-Jews who have married a Jewish spouse because of the stance against intermarriage. That is entirely not true, since anyone who has the will and desire to become Jewish, and who is serious about it, can convert to Judaism. I know at least 2 couples in which the husbands were raised Christian but became religious, devout Jews and are genuine in their faith. I don't see an issue and celebrate more people wanting genuinely to become Jews and wanting to belong to the 'Jewish family' . But the reality of most American intermarriages is that the non-Jewish spouse does not usually convert to Judaism, and here is where the problem lies. It is how the couple chooses to share their faith and transmit religious values to their children which impacts not only themselves but the community at large. And this is why Jews have traditionally emphasized not marrying outside the faith, because of the realization that it is the couples' mutual committment which ensures the survival of the Jewish people

(143)
lynn,
August 9, 2010 5:59 AM

the apathy, the indifference and the lack of purpose....

Reading many of the comments is sadder than the article. So many jews just don't get it and are simply seeking personal "happiness" to the exclusion of any other values, they fail to understand that we are put here on this earth to be a nation set apart to teach the world about Hashem. We are meant to do this by maintaining our personal integrity as JEWS, not jews who marry out just as JEWS. Hashem should help us find a way to deal with the apathy, the ignorance and the lack of understanding of our true purpose.

(142)
Anonymous,
August 9, 2010 5:49 AM

I agree

I commend you for stating what needs to be said. Too often, the Jewish community is afraid of speaking out about the detrimental consequences of intermarriage in the fear of offending interfaith couples... however, in our condoning of intermarriage, we are allowing the trend of assimilation to spread and become more common. Something that once was 'unthinkable' is now , scarily, becoming so mainstream and accepted, that the Jews are the ones more responsible now for the decimation of Judaism than non-Jews. It is difficult enough to find a Jewish partner, but what makes it even more difficult is when Jewish people no longer make it priority to marry those who also affirm that Judaism is important to them and are willing to forsake their religion and people to marry whoever comes their way that they 'fall in love with'. Love is more than feeling attracted to a person and sharing some things in common. According to the Jewish faith, you cannot build a lasting relationship with someone as a Jew who is not Jewish because then you're not sharing what should be the most fundamental aspect of your identity. You are 100 percent right : Mark Mezvinsky ironically is proud to say he is Jewish, yet went against the core of Jewish faith at the same time, by stepping one giant leap away from building a Jewish home and family life. THe Jewish community must make finding a Jewish spouse priortity- there are plenty of Jewish singles who wish to marry someone who is Jewish, but they are not having luck... we must examine WHY and how to solve this crisis at the risk of losing what is most precious to us

(141)
Marcel Behar,
August 9, 2010 5:46 AM

Mark & Chelsea's wedding

Will their children be Methodist or Jewish. Instead of having lost a man we may have won a woman

(140)
Menachem Schwartz,
August 9, 2010 5:34 AM

Pleading NOT guilty

The wedding was a shanda but I don't agree the Orthodox community is responsible. We must reach out to our brothers but we are not responsible for their choicesw. Tinok sh'nishba exculpates the sinner but does not incriminate us. Why not find out the identity of the Orthodox Jews--and rabbis-- who lived closest to the groom's polyglot family and put them in cherem for not inspiring him not to marry Chelsea. The blame game is not helpful. Chill out.

(139)
David,
August 9, 2010 5:00 AM

I understand yet pity your small scope.

Rabbi, You are a devout, observent Jew. Who believes
the scriptures as they are written. No questions. That's the law.
Rachel, who commented earlier, really nailed it. However I don't feel you were rude. Just expressing you point of view, no, your learned Jewish law in realation to this marriage.
I married outside the faith to a wonderful beautiful
spirit, who is my life. We have just happily celebrated our 27th year of marriage. We have raised 3 wonderful
children...........in the Jewish faith.
Not all who marry out of the faith go to the dark side.
My Wife and me spoke long and hard BEFORE we made the marital commitment. We clearly understood the life we'd have before us. It has worked for us.
But I realize it does not work for everyone. Isn't that the case with ALL marriages?
While I am not orthadox now, nor was I raised orthadox, we remain active in our Temple and the Jewish Community. You Rabbi, might do well by having more faith in people as well as faith in Juaism

(138)
tj,
August 9, 2010 4:34 AM

disagree

did you ever stop to think that maybe just maybe she is embracing HIS jewish heritage?

(137)
Anonymous,
August 9, 2010 4:07 AM

who says Mark was not reached out to My cousin spent time at aish and intermaried

I agree theat the observant community needs to do more to expose Jews to their heritage but many who intermarry have chosen to be "proud "cultural Jews" and that's their decision. We can accept that as Jews or mistakenly I think leave them out of the fold.it's a to
ugh question as welcoming them sends a mixed message to kids but I think we should. Is this a question Orthodox rabbis have answered
.?

(136)
Marla Powers,
August 9, 2010 3:33 AM

reach out your hand

Mr. Mezvinsky is alive and well. It is not too late to reach out your hand to him. The article is pessimistic and lacks hope. Precisely because he is obviously proud to be Jewish there is hope. The rabbis have some work to do here. All the best and I hope you can achieve your goal.

(135)
Anonymous,
August 9, 2010 3:31 AM

He wants his cake and eat it, too.

Mark is 32. He was raised in a family with many brothers and sisters adopted from other countries.
His comfort level in marrying a non-Jew in a mixed ceremony is not the result of the Jewish community "not caring." His choice was dictated by his inclusive upbringing, which gave him a very different perspective about what it means to be a Jew. The question you may want to ask is not how the Jewish community failed Marc, but how it is that so many Rabbis like James Ponet happily officiate in such intermarriages today.

(134)
Anonymous,
August 9, 2010 3:26 AM

committed and active Jews may marry non-Jews without a sense that the family or community has failed them

Our son, a Jewish Day School graduate and a reasonably practicing Jew from a conservative, practicing Jewish family, married a non-Jewish woman because he loved her. Our grandchildren have been converted and the older one is now in a Jewish Day School. I don't feel a failure as his parent nor do I believe that the Jewish community has failed him. The attitude of failure is one that drives committed Jews away from Judaism. It would be much more important to welcome the intermarried family into the larger Jewish community than regard that intermarriage as a failure.

(133)
Alan,
August 9, 2010 3:11 AM

How dare anyone assume to know how Mark was brought up by his parents.The fact that the ceremony was a combination of both religions, shows the the respect that the two families have for each other.
I have a familily member who married a non-Jewish man,and they share a great love and respect for each other. They have two wonderful children,and are both members of the temple.
This kind of condemnation without any real knowledge is exactly the the anti-semites have have been doing to us for decades. Are we not better than them? Do we not show love, compassion and understanding for all good human life that G-D created? I always thought that we stood above the hatred that has been shown us.

(132)
Anonymous,
August 9, 2010 2:47 AM

Unrealistic expectations

I agree with Anonymous 88.
There are so many single Jewish girls in their late thirties (and even early forties) who are still waiting for Mr Perfect.
Trouble is, they are not so perfect themselves...
The question is, is it better to wait indefinitely until one meets a Jewish partner who one connects with, or to widen ones sphere and date outside of the faith...

(131)
Sherman,
August 9, 2010 2:34 AM

Comment #78 was in response to #4

Hopefully this will make my own comment (78) more comprehensible.

(130)
Jessica,
August 9, 2010 2:34 AM

#83

Just by reading your dilemma, and not having experienced it, (I am planning to convert soon) I would do what it takes to keep your judaism. You want to be able to get married and have Jewish children, and not walk away from the faith and intermarry or you will lose it all. If you have to convert, it might not be the worst thing as you will be making a decision for your future.

(129)
Jessica,
August 9, 2010 2:30 AM

We need Jews and Judaism kept alive, and intermarriage kills it.

The Jewish community here has intermarried and there are no young people Jewish people left in the community. Literally, the Jewish community will be no longer in so many years here. It's easy to intermarry if Judaism is just ritual for one spouse and xtianity for the other spouse. Xtianity and Judaism do not mix theologically, it just takes more torah education for people to realize that as the rabbi said. Otherwise the kids will be mixed and Judaism gets lost in a few generations. Yes, they will be happy American people, and maybe Jewish, but no Judaism.

(128)
Reenie,
August 9, 2010 2:14 AM

I agree with the Rabbi - part 2

(continued)
This is the tragedy of intermarriage, someone who has come to make that decision, clearly does not understand the wealth that is the Torah and is literally throwing that away for themselves and for their children. In a matter of two to three generations there will be nobody who identifies as being Jewish and all that opportunity will have been lost.
So all of the people who are proud to be Jewish but do not practice Torah observant Judaism should be very wary of what their future Jewish legacy will be. Like a previous commenter has suggested (#71), why don’t you find out what it is that we are trying to save before you throw it away.
Thank you Rabbi Rothman for bringing this very important issue to the forefront again and may we be able to show our brothers and sisters the beauty of life lived with Torah.
Reenie

(127)
Reenie,
August 9, 2010 2:12 AM

I agree with the Rabbi - part 1

I have read through all the comments and am disappointedly surprised at how much negative feedback this article is getting. Defenses such as love, hopes of conversion, being open minded, living modern, bigotry from the orthodox community and a few others have been stated. I would like to put forth two important points.
One – any Jew around today (except welcomed converts) is only here because somewhere in their not too distant past was a Torah observant orthodox Jew.
Two – the very nature of our being Jewish is based on all of us (even all of us today – our souls were by Mt. Sinai) accepting the Torah from G-d as His word and something we would live by. There are very few out there who would deny the history and facts of what happened at Sinai – even according to all other major religions. Furthermore, there has never been a claim before or after of such magnitude (over 600,000 witnesses) that has not been accepted as fact.
Now in the Torah, G-d has said clearly that we are not allowed to intermarry among many other laws and instructions for living that if understood and done properly would undoubtedly make for the richest and happiest of life experiences. G-d is the Father of all humankind and has made laws for those that are not Jewish to have beautiful fulfilling lives as well and they are loved by Him. However, as our Father, He knows that His different children have different needs and therefore prohibited intermarriage.
(continued in part 2)

(126)
Anonymous,
August 9, 2010 1:53 AM

Response to Anonymous #89

I have had the opportunity to learn about and study different cultures, philosophies and lifestyles. I consider myself "worldly". I do not say this to boast, but rather to characterize the perspective of the subsequent response to your post. I believe a portion of your post may neglect to account for the subtleties contained within this article. Please hear me out... A condition of your argument states that "if we do not live in a closed little society".... then. This is where I think you may have missed the paramount concept in this article... We dont live in a closed little society. Rather, we live in a society where every detail of Jewish Law is not an arbitrary rule, but is instead a new opportunity to build a relationship with our creator. Every little detail has been studied, analyzed and scrutinized by wise and astute individuals whose sole intention is to extrapolate further meaning and depth from the beauty and significance of every word of our Torah. Our culture has been woven by wise, brilliant and devoted individuals who have sought to help us foster the fore-mentioned relationship. When the author states, "Why wasn't he invited to someone’s Shabbat table? To a Sukkah? Where were the “Lunch & Learn” programs, the classes, the one-on-one learning when Mark Mezvinsky needed them so desperately?", it is my humble opinion that the author had this precise perspective. Our culture is not a closed little society. Our culture is web of beauty and depth that takes years of study and effort to appreciate. It is the job of every Jew to develop an appreciation for our culture. Additionally, we must facilitate our fellow Jew's ability to do the same. A trip to a sukkah or a lunch and learn is more then a social gathering, it is an opportunity for a Jew to begin his/her journey towards discovering the essence of their identity, an inheritance of endless value. I can not believe intermarriage is a threat to "worldly people" who appreciate Judaism.

(125)
Anonymous,
August 9, 2010 1:46 AM

Live and Let Live

Every person gets to make his or her own choice of a mate. We no longer live in the shtetels of Europe where parents hire a matchmaker. We live in the great USA and we raise our children to love all mankind. It is wrong to judge others and downright rude to the newlyweds to suggest that their marriage is wrong. Shame on you. Shame on anybody who will sit shiva for a child who marries "out."

(124)
Kay,
August 9, 2010 12:58 AM

Intermarriage

I think that it is important to recognize that intermarriage it a fundamental part of modern Jewish life. Intermarriage becomes an issue as soon as Jews interact as respected equals in our American society. To avoid intermarriage Jews must take a giant step backward and avoid social interaction with non Jews. To lay a foundation to avoid intermarriage it is necessary to keep separate.
My personal belief is that God made different religions so that different cultures could have different paths for spiritual advancement.
I also wonder what the impact of family experience might be.... Say for example if a young man sees his father and mother divorce because of infidelity might he think that marriage is not repected in his home. Then, intermarriage might not seem like a big deal. If marriage doen't matter and it is not forever then does it really matter what religion our spouse is??

(123)
Anonymous,
August 9, 2010 12:29 AM

I thank Hashem for having that German-Catholic girl that I fell head over heels in love in, dump me b/c I am Jewish. Reminds me of those Holocaust stories where the goyishe spouse turned their Jewish spouse over to the Nazis. Today I have 2 top learners in a major Yeshiva. My Rebbe told me, it is not who your grand father was, but who will be your grandchildren??

(122)
Debra,
August 9, 2010 12:14 AM

his children won't be Jewish....

I fully agree with Rabbi Avram Rothman.
Jews need to marry Jews.
I wonder how many times Mark will look loveingly at his child/children and wish they were Jewish.
Religion in a home is very important, how do you raise children to love Judaism when their mother isn't Jewish? How do you stand before G-d and ask for His blessings?
G-d in His wisdom gave us the Torah as a guidline to led us to happiness and correct worship, it's sad that Mark and others don't follow it. He may love his wife and she him, but it is never good to make a wrong choice.

(121)
Isadore Goldstein,
August 9, 2010 12:06 AM

to #86 Author not biased

On the contrary Murray, intermarriage is not a celebration of diversity nor is it Americanism at its best. Our founding fathers did not envision a hybrid society. Indeed your argument could be used to legitimize any type of relationship even those not accepted by our society, as being progressive.
What our founding fathers strove for was freedom of religion, whereby religious precepts could be practiced in full and without fear, while adherents of each faith FULLY respect each other.
The fact that we can work together, play together and laugh together but still when with family or among co-religionists practice our hallowed traditions (and this goes for members of all religions) that is the test of our liberated and educated American society. Extending the concept of acceptance to every conceivable action or reality is not a measure of education, but merely a measure of lack of understanding as the Rabbi has so eloquently stated.
My fruit bowl contains beautiful grapes, pears, peaches, apples and plums. They are there harmoniously and complement each other beautiful and yet are not integrally mixed. Should we do so, it will probably work. Some fruit generations down the road we'll have a hodge-pog of similar tasting mixed up fruit, but surely not the beautiful assortment of flavors, colors and pleasure we have today.
Respect, friendship and brotherly co-existence does not by definition extend to inter-marriage and it is Anti-American to suggest it does.

(120)
Florence Sinow,
August 8, 2010 10:58 PM

I was able to breathe again when I found it was Sat.:P.M.!

There is an excellent reason for caution with intermarriage. We need large numbers brought up to understand & live in a Jewish way so that the world does not lose what we have contributed & still can.

(119)
Sharona,
August 8, 2010 10:18 PM

the purpose of marriage

Okay, you find someone you really like from college and you feel you would be okay with them and can share each other's faiths and comprimise. - Well remember this, this is Not Just a friend you are sharing info with and enjoy each other's differences. We are talking about a partner for life. When choosing a partner, it's wiser to marry someone you can Relate to. Someone who is also Jewish, and you don't have to comprimise on your faith, but can both follow the same path together.
In Judaism, there is more to marriage than just love. There's that too, but also it's about two souls coming together to build a Torah home and fulfill their pupose. The husband and wife both have their mission and need to do the mitzvos to complete it.
She lights the Shabbos candles on Fri before the sun is down, and brings in the whole Shabbos. He says the kiddush prayer over the wine(grapejuice). She goes to the mikvah(ritual bath) once a month. He learns Torah, and the couple both receive credit for the learning.
However, if one spouse is Non-Jewish, then the Jewish spouse Can't complete his/her mission in this world, since he/she needs a Jewish spouse who does the mitzvos that the other one does.
You might say that there are many secular Jewish individuals who don't follow anyhow.
But they can if they decide to do so. However, a gentile would have to convert and do it accordingly with Jewish law. While some are willing, Not all are willing to.
Shalom

(118)
Steve B,
August 8, 2010 10:15 PM

Who knows why things happen!

Did the bride buy into the stereotype that Jewish husbands are loyal, sober and make a good living, and therefore was happy to have Jewish ritual at her wedding to cement that deal?
Did the groom, whose Jewish parents divorced, see a better opportunity for a lasting relationship with a woman whose parents did their best to break up their own marriage but are still together?
If minimizing intermarriage is important to the Jewish community than the community would be heavily invested in (1) Jewish day schools, (2) public charter schools with Hebrew/Israel studies curricular, and (3) sleep away camps, particularly in Israel - as participation in these activities as a youth is directly related to the likelihood of growing up and creating a committed Jewish household. Kosher homes and driving to synagogue instead of to malls on Shabbat would be way up there on the priority list.
But, while the Community is somewhat invested in these, over all we are a long way from being heavily invested.
In these times all that committed people can do is take every opportunity to share a Shabbat meal and other joys of being Jewish with the lesser committed, and encourage free Jewish education for all. And we don't have to depend on Jewish billionaires to foot the bill - we can get it done also by demanding that our local public school systems allow public charter schools that can be successfully adapted to our needs as they are now in Dade County FL, Brooklyn and elsewhere - where Hebrew is a foreign language offering, Israel studies is a social studies elective, and Bible is studied as literature.
Let HaShem take care of the rest.

(117)
Fiona,
August 8, 2010 10:11 PM

Marry for love

For crying out loud! They love each other! They found their soul mate! That's what's important isn't it? Be happy for them and leave them alone!

(116)
Ed S.,
August 8, 2010 9:47 PM

Article does not do justice!

I am a person of cJewish background who went to Yeshiva and Talmudical Academy. I have been married to a non-Jew for 42 years and NEVER gave up my religion, my heritage, my customs and traditions. We do celebrate all the Jewish holidays and my wife is thankful that I have been able to introduce her to such a rich religion like Judaism!

(115)
Craig Klein,
August 8, 2010 9:30 PM

Unrealistic Expectations!

This article struck a nerve with me! I have been alone for over five years, have been unable to get most women to even TALK to me on Jdate, have refused to date shiksas and frankly; I am tired of being alone! I was brought up in a thoroughly assimilated secular family, yet found myself on the b'aal teshuvah path for several years. I consider myself to be attractive, intelligent, and have musical skills! It seems that to have ANY CHANCE with a Jewish woman who has ANY INTEREST in Torah, or leading a Jewish lifestyle, you have to be: over six-feet (I'm 5'8!), a doctor, a lawyer, a Rabbi or a yeshivah student!
I have long hair and a non-traditional lifestyle (I care for my parents at home and!) I am 44 years old, but look ten years younger. I still have dreams of raising Jewish children, in a Torah-observant home ... but am starting to wonder whether I am WASTING MY TIME!
The truth is that Torah-observant Jews are WAY TOO EXCLUSIVE, if your "yichus" doesn't include Frum Jews, or if you don't come from money!
The simple fact is that Jewish women have unrealistic expectations of Jewish men! This is so, despite them usually being past child-bearing years OR unattractive / overweight! Why do Jewish men tend to inter-marry? They do so because non-Jewish women tend to be more approachable and treat them better! I place the blame squarely on the "holier than thou" attitude of the women and their families! I once asked a Rabbi, at a Shabbaton, for a bracha to help find a wife. His response?
"Find a woman, and if she's not repulsive to you, MARRY HER!". This Rabbi was a big Torah scholar and one of the featured speakers at this event. I guess I'll have to wait for my parents to die and take my chances in NYC or Israel ... OR find a nice gentile girl and convince her to convert!
Priorities are money and ancestry ... period! Apparently being an earnest Jew, who wants to have JEWISH children to continue the faith is not good enough! Peace!

(114)
hope,
August 8, 2010 9:28 PM

NEVER TOO LATE TO HAVE SUCH GUESTS AT A SHABBIS TABLE ETC!!!!!

AFTER ALL AISH WAS BUILT WITH THIS CONNECTION EACH MOMENT OF ITS EXISTENCE.
MY DEAR FRIENDS SON BECAME A ORTHODOX RABBI DUE TO THEIR TISH BECOMING KOSHER.AND INVITING.

(113)
Betty Moses,
August 8, 2010 9:28 PM

I think Marc's marriage to Chelsea is a statement for sure, but I think it states, that inspite of marrying a non Jew,he is maintaining his jewish Identity. Marriage is not just about religion. How many marriages ,where both partners are Jewish are truly successful ? For success one needs more than religion.One needs trust, friendship, love & respect. If Marc & Chelsea have that, then I say, WONDERFUL !!

(112)
Anonymous,
August 8, 2010 9:17 PM

Jewish prejudice

It's interesting that so many people criticize Jews for wanting to marry within their faith. Yet, do we criticize Catholics for only wanting to marry Catholics? Or Baptists for only wanting to marry Baptists? Dare I even Muslims wanting to marry Muslims? It's okay for other religions to want a common bond of faith in marriage, but when the Jews do it, we're "racist" and "prejudiced." Don't think so.

(111)
Anonymous,
August 8, 2010 8:55 PM

we need to rethink our perspective, and consider the person marrying in.

Marrying out of our Jewish heritage is a tragedy, for any number of reasons. So many of our children, friends, brothers and sisters are doing it that we fear for the survival of our people. But since the deed is happening and will continue happening whether we like it or not, perhaps we need to shift our perspective. Rather than wasting time bemoaning the growing number of people marrying out, maybe we need to be more attuned to the spouse who is marrying into a Jewish family. We need to reach out to those intermarrying couples and embrace them, teach them by positive, loving, example what a Jewish marriage, a Jewish family, a Jewish identity means. Christian churches welcome intermarried couples and families. When we Jews shun those couples and their children, we're sending them directly to the churches. We lose any hope of influencing them to be Jewish and raise Jewish children. How many people might opt to live a Jewish lifestyle if we held that lifestyle out to them as a viable and welcome choice. That doesn't mean deserting our commitment to Judaism; it means encouraging intermarried couples and their children to adopt Judaism instead of Christianity or rejection of religion altogether.

(110)
Anonymous,
August 8, 2010 8:47 PM

good for you

murray shapiro. Until people and nations get this there will never be peace

(109)
michael,
August 8, 2010 8:40 PM

Murray 86-think again

Your Ideas are commendable as an American but certainly not as a Jew.Have your melting pot and peace to all with your broad view of the world.But had past generations engaged in the rate of intermarriage as of today,Judaism would have disappeared long ago.
Mixing cultures as you propose is the death knell to Judaism.The faith must be strong and the laws taught by example by teachers and parents to their children.
How will Marc explain the haggadah to his children at the Pesach seder.?How will he explain how his people have survived thousands of years after leaving Egypt.
He may be cultured and highly learned and a successful person but he has a low score in continuing the Jewish chain in his family as his children will not be Jewish.
A real shame

(108)
Anonymous,
August 8, 2010 8:26 PM

This changes nothing. Here's why:

Outside of the ultra-Orthodox community, Jews in the US have an excess of single males. Maybe 10-15% of Jewish women under 40 are willing even to consider dating a Jew, and those that are usually choose by income or inherited wealth. The "loss" of Mr. Mezvinsky will only cause the minority of available Jewish women to move down one slot on the income scale, and one marginally wealthy Jewish male will move up one slot on the waiting list. No Jewish woman who wishes to marry a Jewish man will be deprived. What to do for the multitudes of single Jewish men who wish both to marry and remain Jewish is the question. That question won't find an answer until the image of the Jewish male as a "real man" equal to the goyim is addressed, along with the perversion of our culture towards the worship of wealth instead of values.

(107)
Anonymous,
August 8, 2010 8:11 PM

The Rabbi should write an article about what is wrong with intermarriage

It is very clear from many of the comments to this article, that people do not understand Orthodox Judaism's view towards intermarriage - accordingly it would seem most necessary for Rabbi Rothman to write a follow up article (which perhaps should have been written before this one) about what is wrong with intermarriage.

(106)
Frank Adam,
August 8, 2010 8:10 PM

What is religon supposed to be doing then?

Religion used to cater for Law, Education, Welfare and Health in that order. Given that law was nationalised a long time ago, education and most welfare has been taken over by municipal and government and health has become scientific and more dependent on penicillin than prayer, to take a shorthand short cut, what is organised religion for? Answer that question and you will see that most of the twentieth century clergy - not only the Rabbinate have been a wash out unable to "sell" religion as anything more than ethnic "football colours." That is why Mesvinsky and the Clintons can do a mixed wedding publicly as if the ceremonials are no more than the family /tribal customs they are. If you want people to take these matters as something more substantial then we have to be pretty ruthless distinguishing why they should - in effect preserve Jewish or any other religious distinctiveness. For starters be a lot more clear and precise as to what religion does in society that matters on bottom lines - big social and commemrcial bottom lines and in this clergy are not very statistical nor very good at making connections between what they are offering and what happens in the market of goods services and above all ideas and morals.

(105)
jgarbuz,
August 8, 2010 7:56 PM

Tell your sons; A Gentile wife means non-Jewish children!

Every Jewish boy who reaches the age of Bar Mitzvah should be clearly told by the rabbi, that marrying a non-Jewish wife means not having Jewish children. It's simple.

(104)
Rachel,
August 8, 2010 7:45 PM

Don't give up on Marc & Chelsea

I actually feel encouraged that Marc felt like wearing a tallis and a kippah. That means that he has Jewish feeling - the Jewish neshama in him burns. It isn't too late to reach out to Marc & try to help him reconnect to his heritage. If the pull of Marc's neshama pulls him to Teshuva, then I think the situation with his marriage will work out, too. Remember the words of the Avot - love your fellow [creatures] & bring them close to Torah. If we really believe that G-d waits patiently every day for us to come close to Him, then it isn't too late for Marc.

(103)
,
August 8, 2010 7:44 PM

How will they raise their children?

The proof of the pudding will be in how they decide to raise any children they have. As a non-Jew I have observed that many intermarried couples -- not just protestant-Jewish but also Catholic-protestant, Christian-Buddhist, you name it -- are so unable to resolve this issue that they end up raising the children with NO RELIGION AT ALL or at least something very lukewarm and watered down so as not to offend the in-laws. The good news is that many of these children respond to the longing of their own hearts by "converting" to a strict religious commitment as adults. It is to b hoped that Mezvinsky's children grow up with a strong Jewish presence from their cousins or grandparents and that this helps them to embrace Judaism when they are old enough to decide.

(102)
JBKogan,
August 8, 2010 7:30 PM

We care, do rabbies?

What a far cry from Tuvie the milkman. There are too many non-Jewish persons in this country that insist on calling themselves Jewish and then harming the Jews by their public declarations and behaviour. Mark represents only half of the problem. The other no less important half is so called "Jewish" community that provided a rabbi to officiate at such a ceremony, then offered tons of mazal tov's back at his temple (I do not believe Mark goes - ever - to a synagogue). This very affluent community may be less Jewish than UN but by false pretense they provide the 'Jewish" education to people like Mark. We see the actual results of that in the wedding. I am not worried about losing Mark as a Jew, he probably never was one to start with.

(101)
Anonymous,
August 8, 2010 7:21 PM

Yasher Koach on a well written article

You said it well - Yasher Koach

(100)
Chaya,
August 8, 2010 7:10 PM

Every now and then Aish publishes articles on Jews who under miraculous circumstances found their ways back, converts, those who found their ancestors from thousands of years ago were Jews and felt a connection. All these encounters are celebrated. How do we know what happens with the offspring of this couple, a great great son who sees an old wedding picture and converts and turns out a frum? We don't. Beezrat HaShem.

(99)
Etti,
August 8, 2010 7:07 PM

intermarraige

I am a proud Jew who married a man whose father was Jewish but mother was Catholic. He felt much more related to his Jewish family and we were married by a rabbi in 1964. We had two sons both of whom were Bar Mitzvah. The oldest, now 43, is a Lubavitch and lives in Crown Heights. Alas, like his parents, he and his wife are divorced after having three boys. My younger son, 41, lives upstate with his female significant other (who is not Jewish) and doesn't have any children. But he celebrates all Jewish holidays, cooking the recipes of his grandmother and mother. We cannot dictate what our adult children do. In truth, I am closer to my younger son as I am not at all frum. I see my older son and grandsons but this certainly isn't the life I saw for any of us.

(98)
Anonymous,
August 8, 2010 7:03 PM

embarassing

While it is certainly true that these two people are free to do as they wish, I find the use of kippa, talit, chuppa on a Saturday for an intermarriage shameful to Judaism.The groom may think he was making a meaningful statement; I think it was an embarassment, and showed a complete lack of understanding of what all these symbols represent.

(97)
Anonymous,
August 8, 2010 6:56 PM

being a jew is more than a costume

One could extrapolate that Mr. Mezvinsky's pintele yid was shining through with his kippa & tallis and even the Sheva Brachot. His soul was screaming out, that even though this intermarriage was done on Shabbos, that he is still a Jew. And he always will be a Jew. Someone who is unaffiliated or only knows of the watered down version of Judaism may see nothing wrong with this scenario. But there is. It has nothing to do with racism or being horribly narrow minded. Jews are different (if they weren't, why are so many people paying attention to this tiny group?). With this marriage, this young man is basically saying that Judaism IS taking a back seat in his life. His children will not be Jewish. What is the crime in that? He won't even be able to be buried next to his own wife (may they both have long lives).
Judaism is also a DOING religion. It's much more than wearing the part…..one can only be a good Jew by doing good things (and this pertains to all Jews - reform and Orthodox).
I suppose the fault of the Jewish Orthodox world is that there needs to be more outreach that is MORE attractive than the non-Orthodox world. We need to be reminded as to why this eternal heritage of ours is so very interesting and cool.

(96)
Chaim,
August 8, 2010 6:47 PM

Jewish Unity

Every generation finds reasons for disunity.
My grandfather Z"L, married a girl from a Shetel outside of Warsaw. She was "Chasidic" and his family disowned him.
We live in very dangerous times. Anti-semitism is increasing world wide and we, the Jewish People and Israel are being isolated.
Perhaps we could try reaching out instead of pushing away!

(95)
Anonymous,
August 8, 2010 6:47 PM

intermarriage

This article overlooks the divorce rate of Jews who marry within the Jewish faith, mainly by pressure of people like the rabbi who wrote the article. Then they divorce, normally due to abuse, physical or mental or economic or just unfulfilled goals/agendas.
The issue is complicated. Articles like this one are not helpful. I see the love in Chelsea's eyes. It is in her heart, Mark is a very lucky man. Chelsea is a very lucky woman. They have known each other for years. It was meant to be. If Chelsea converts this rabbi will be ecstatic. For the time being, the rabbi demonstrates the kind of closed mind that drives young people, who are not orthodox, away. Not just in marriage, but away from the shul/beliefs altogether. You attract more bees with sweet honey than acrid salt.

(94)
Alan,
August 8, 2010 6:45 PM

Failure?

Perhaps this marriage is a small victory as we don't know of the future intent of Chelsea to convert in the future. Wouldn't that be a positive statement to our people and the world?

(93)
Anonymous,
August 8, 2010 6:35 PM

I thought you were not being serious...

I was really interested to know what you were going to say on this issue. It all sounded reasonnable until I started thinking: the author must be ironic right there, because if he really means what he is saying, it is crazy in my eyes! When one falls in love, he falls in love!! Especially with Miss Clinton, that is an excellent mariage!!!!! I just don't understand...

(92)
Davelya,
August 8, 2010 6:31 PM

We have to care, however

We have to care about every Jew, but the USA of today is same as Germany. Too many Jews intermarry, and thinking it is OK, because we do not publicly tell them it is not OK. Being Jewish is not good enough for them, they have to be like everyone else. Hide themselves and their heritage, is the thing to do in today USA.

(91)
Anonymous,
August 8, 2010 6:20 PM

Don't count it yet as a complete loss.

As a 65 year old I have witness Orthodox Judaism's continual evolving reaction to this intermarriage story. What I take from it all is NEVER give up reaching out. You never know whether such efforts will help me live to see that the Clinton/M's send their kids to Day Schools and choose to convert on their own some day and bring the family back to where they should never have left from but stronger and with deeper conviction.
I just heard a story last night of a Jewess who married a "born again Christian", ACTIVELY embraced his Church, bore 2 children and by their teens divorced her husband and returned to her Judaism. Now one of her children made aliyah and the other is studying to get his Orthodox smicha. Maybe without her christian marriage, these 2 children would have led a barely Jewish life, just as their mother did in her childhood.

(90)
Bettina Cohen Setton,
August 8, 2010 6:20 PM

More American than Canadian

I have read your article and can only comment on the fact that as a Canadian Jew I have found that American Jews practice a very watered down Judaism, so watered down in fact that it is not surprising that Mark and Chelsea would marry and be perfectly content to have a quasi Jewish wedding on the Jewish Shabbath, which is an abomination of Judaism and totally prohibited. Surprising too is that they found a rabbi to marry them on our holiest day of the week! When my daughter studied in the U.S. most of her Jewish friends called her "Super Jew" simply because she observed the Sabbath. As well her Jewish professors found it odd that she asked for a change of exam day when she found her exam scheduled on the Sabbath. The wonderful professor (who we admired and respected) pushed to change the date but told her that in all his years as a professor, no one had ever made such a request. This example alone suggests to me that Jews in the U.S. make little effort to maintain traditional Judaism. In fact one of my daughters' friends (a Muslim foreign student in the U.S.) was invited to dine on Shabbat in her apartment with Jewish students and he took the time to find out that if he were to bring something, it had to be kosher and given to her before the Shabbath. The question I asked myself and my daughter was "would an American Jew have made such an attempt". The answer my daughter gave me was "probably not Mom because young American Jews are so far removed from Judaism". Sad but true. My take on this whole thing is that young American Jews are in some case 3rd generation American and traditions have fallen by the wayside. Canadians are much more true to the religion, however I now see the same pattern evolving with our younger adults. So Canadians are only a couple of generations behind our American cousins, but hopefully with the resolve of Aish and Chabad (outreach programs)we will see a different outcome than the one we have witnessed with Chelsea and Mark.

(89)
Anonymous,
August 8, 2010 6:05 PM

It takes only 1 date

Here is the U.S. Jews enjoy wonderful acceptance, it seems, from their non-Jewish neighbors. When told by parents to date only Jewish, our children ask us why we are prejudiced. No matter how we approach this, we cannot satisfy that question. Unfortunately, if we do not live in a closed little society, our children are exposed to the outside world, regardless of how kosher our own home and life are. Just one date when they are not living at home where we can watch over them can be the impetus to marrying out. They fall in love. We have the choice to sit shiva for them, totally ostracize them, or try to keep the lines of love and communication between us open with them. It is sad, BUT there is always hope that the non-Jewish partner will realize on his/her own how wonderful Judaism is, study and eventually convert. We must be open and welcoming to these young people and hope that we reach them.

(88)
Anonymous,
August 8, 2010 6:03 PM

Shidduchim issue lead to intermarriage

Here's another compelling reason why a lot of Jews are marrying out: The ridiculous expectations, particulalrly in the frum community where the girls want learners and earners wrapped into one expensive lifetstyle, and the guys want size zeroes from the women who should work, raise a family, and look to shlef when they wake up in the monring. I know so many olders ingles, primarily women who a re just tired of the attitudes and look elsewhere, unfortunately to the non-Jewish world for dates. What the singls need to do, and married couples need to facilitate, is a realistic approach to dating and committment. Stop with the "resumed" approach and intense "checking" and let people go out and meet in a casual atmoshphere. Also the separate seating at simchas is such an obstacle for people to meet and it terribly impedes opportuinity. For the naysayers to this, I ask: what better place to have people sit and talk in full view of 400 people - is this not a well "chaperoned" environment ?? What better place to have dozens and dozens of singles meet?? Ask your bubbes and zeides - half of them met at someone else's simcha. We've gotten so carried away to the right that we cannot get people connected properly. And for the married couples it's incumbent to contribute to thsi process any way you can (ie: Shabbos and Yom Tov invitations).

(87)
Rachael,
August 8, 2010 5:52 PM

to # 5 and #6

you have opinions, yes, but this article is coming from the point of view of Jewish halacha, its not an opinion. intermarriage is prohibitted in judaism, and that's it. the reason they love eachother is because halachic judaism is not an important part of his life. otherwise he would see that they have different goals religiously and it wouldnt work out.
and to say "Good luck with your conscience Rabbi. " is very rude!!!!!! you really need to learn how to respect your educators- when you get a PhD and are ordained as an orthodox rabbi, then maybe you can open your mouth. i think you should apologize.

(86)
Murray Shapiro,
August 8, 2010 5:50 PM

Author Doesn't Recognize Own Biases

This is the United States of America. Thank God religious expression and life is not controlled by bigoted religious minority (as it is in Israel, Muslim nations and a good part of the world). We celebrate our diversity and our Americanism, and our love of this country by having the right to choose (educated or not). It is not that the groom is uneducated, but that the author is. He has a very narrow education. The groom and his bride have a very broad one. We get closer as one nation, and a peaceful one, by the melding of cultures, etc. not by sharpening our divides. Peace will only come to this world when the rest of the nations adopts the American road to freedom in ALL of its forms.

(85)
Anonymous,
August 8, 2010 5:49 PM

Response to anonymous - Third generation of an intermarriage

´´I am sometimes shocked at the attitude in which we jews think that intermarriage is wrong. Good luck with your conscience Rabbi. ¨
I am certain the Rabbi Sleeps peacefully, his conscience intact since the prohibition against marrying out is in the Torah and not of his own making...
I am the product of an intermarriage, third generation.... the first generation of which there are five siblings, all of whom, vary in their thoughts of intermarriage, but mostly oppose intermarriage, one of which , vehemently so, to the point where one wonders whether she was anti semitic.
As a third generation of a mixed religion family and yes you are always regarded as being mixed, not pure enought to be Christian and if your Jewish lineage is paternal , well your ancestry is halichically meaningless, who wants to invite such prejudice on their children?
It has been my choice to convert orthodox, I no longer feel alien adopted ,or exiled, my family joke, I inherited the Jewish gene. Growing up, in a religious environment that was spiritually alienating was confusing .. how much more so when the parents dont share the same religion??
Am with the writer on this one, it is incumbant on us,as a community to embrace , engage and extend hospitality and kindness and include guests as we celebrate Shabbat and our Chagim, sometimes we need to be a light unto our own as well as the nations .................

(84)
Chanan (Antony) Gordon,
August 8, 2010 5:33 PM

The most high profile chillul Hashem -- desecration of God's Name!

Reb Avram, I couldn't have said it better myself! Even more tragic than having a public desecration of G-d's name on a massive proportion is the fact that most Jewish Americans unfortunately - and more often than not out of pure naivte - do not even recognize the profound tragedy of a Jew publically "slapping G-d in the Face" (so to speak).
Naturally the point is not that Chelsea may not be a kind and wonderful young lady, it boils down to most young American Jwes not appreciating how fortunate they are to be part of a nation that has stood the test of time for over 3,500 years and whose role in the world is clearly outlined in the instruction book that G-d gave us before millions of people - the Torah.
Can you imagine how many young beautiful Jewish people we would be able to educate with the millions of dollars expended in the public display of material decadents and spiritual genocide that was unashamedly was displayed on front page stories in major newspapers?
I would encourage all the readers of Aish.com and specifically those who have read your article to see the ultimate result of intermarriage three-generations down the line by accessing the results of the research article co-authored by Richard Horowitz and me entitled "Will Your Grandchild Be Jewish?" (accessible on Aish.com). In this piece we illustrated in graphic what Mark Mezvinsky family tree is likely to look like down the road ...
Reb Avramie, as you well said, we have to use a high profile tragedy like the recent intermarriage of Chelsea Clinton to simply ask whether we are part of the problem or part of the solution.
For thos who wish to be part of the solution, we begin the auspicious month of Elul this week ... It is never too later to "come home" and be part of the solution.
Shana Tova and best wishes,
Rabbi Chanan (Antony) Gordon
Co-Author" "Will Your Grandchild Be Jewish?"

(83)
Anonymous,
August 8, 2010 5:29 PM

At least he could've married a Jew...

I strongly believe that a Jew should marry a Jew. However, what happens when you have a Jew, who wishes to be observant and actually lives an observant life, but due to adoption & intermarriage in her family, and therefore not being able to obtain any document stating that she, her mother, her grandmother, etc. are Jewish? She is not accepted as a Jew, and therefore cannot marry a Jew, unless she converts to what she already is "just in case."
Should she go against her strong sentiment of not needing to go through this process when she knows it's unnecessary, just so people will be at ease and able to accept her as Jewish? Or should she put all her trust in Hashem, Who knows she's a Jew, continue to be observant, and just never marry? Or, should she simply go away, forget about being Jewish, and possibly intermarry? I mean, after all, she's not accepted as Jewish anyway.
To this day, there has not been a clear answer to this dilemma, other than conversion. It's like the ones who have it right in front of them don't accept it, and the other Jews criticize them. But one who really wants to be observant is not accepted, just because there's no documentation stating so. In a way, it's a bit contradictory, if you ask me.

(82)
Anonymous,
August 8, 2010 5:28 PM

It is not American Jewish Society that is responsible for Jews marrying out, but it is their responsibility for being intolerant about such an event, Sholem ba bayit is much more important that sitting shiva over such a marriage, freely chosen without causing a progrom.

(81)
Chana Sobol,
August 8, 2010 5:23 PM

Thank you for sharing theTRUTH!!!

We TORAH Jews all need to hear this...
I think that the denial of those who do not want to be bothered with "rules" or "restrictions" of being a Jew,
are the ones that are denying themselves the beauty and FREEDOM Judaisim brings to one who learns and helps others to understand what his Heritage is all about!
Inquire before Knowing.
Search before Assuming.
Then we can grow and TRULY know!!!
Thank you Rabbi Rothman for sharing...
not what we WANT to hear....
but what we NEED to hear!!

(80)
Anonymous,
August 8, 2010 5:19 PM

Wonderful Article

At first I thought the article was going to be a positive one toward this marriage since there were so many traditions included in the wedding ceremony. As I read on, I was surprised, yet happy, at Rabbi Rothman's point of view. I am not sure that Mark is "uninformed." However. I believe he does not know the ramifications yet to come in his life due to his intermarriage. Time will tell, especially when and if they have children, how this will play out. My guess is that he is living in a dream world where he thinks that his children will be raised and will continue Jewish traditions, and living a "Jewish life." Since Chelsea is not Jewish, their children will not be Jewish, plain and simple truth. I agree whole-heartedly with Oreet who said, "He is not a committed Jew - a few external trappings do not mean anything." Once a wedding ceremony is over, that's when the truth really comes out. Unfortunately, I don't think the picture will paint a happy "Jewish family." Are we Jews going to continue to dwindle in number due to actions WITHIN our control? I wish Chelsea and Mark the best, but it appears that Mark's commitment to Judaism stems not from the heart, but from outer appearance. Let's hope I'm wrong.

(79)
Anonymous,
August 8, 2010 5:18 PM

If he really is a proud Jew

If he really is a proud Jew, then it's never too late for kiruv! Maybe he'll see the mistake in his ways and do something about it. I just hope he doesn't try to raise his kids Jewish... I was once sitting in a doctor's office and the lady next to me started telling me how her husband's Jewish and she's an Irish Catholic, and that she's raising her kids Jewish (with Jewish names and all) because "they are Jewish." I did not have the heart to tell her that. by Jewish law, a child with a non-Jewish mom is not Jewish even if his father is the biggest rabbi around. I hope Mark and Chelsea don't make the same sad mistake.

(78)
Sherman,
August 8, 2010 5:17 PM

Rosen, your last sentence is most significant.

Your poignant statement, "I hope such loneliness isn't halachically murder," may express a vain hope. Due to factors I won't delve into here, there is usually a huge surplus of males in Jewish communities. So if every Jewish girl were to marry a Jewish guy, there would remain a pool of unmarried, & perhaps very lonely, Jewish males. I don't know your socioeconomic situation & it's none of my business. But if you happen to be lower-class or even lower-middle-working-class, your chances of marrying (or even getting to go out with) a Jewish lady are very low indeed. I have 2 sons who--when they were still struggling economically--found the competition for Jewish girls to be brutal. Not wishing to bang their heads against the wall forever, nor be forever celibate, both my guys ended up Gentile girls--who turned out to be terrific wives. Yes, my grandchildren are not Jewish from a halachic view. But at least I do have grandchildren, & wonderful ones at that...& my sons have wonderful wives. Now I know what you & other readers might be thinking--doesn't this type of marriage destroy Jewish continuity? It could be argued that it does. BUT, if my sons had held out for Jewish girls (as you're evidently doing), & there just weren't any available, how would THAT help Jewish continuity? One final point which I'd be remiss not to mention. Gentile ladies find us Jewish men attractive. We're intelligent, articulate, philosophical, challenging, & with an exotic background to boot. Don't believe the oft-repeated BS that "shiksas" like Jewish guys only for their money; my boys barely had a cent to their name, nor any apparent great future prospects, when they married. In conclusion, Rosen, what you should consider is a paradigm shift. The young Jewish wives in your town, with their doctors & lawyers & CEO husbands, don't care if you are happy & fulfilled in life, but YOU should. And there's a whole big world out there.

(77)
DorothyFrancesGoldstein,
August 8, 2010 5:11 PM

This couple should not be showcased to make your point.

After the fact, this is hurtful to these people and provides an excellent reason to turn them away from and not towards Mark's cherished Jewish heritage. This kind of reprimand should not have been personalized.

(76)
Katie,
August 8, 2010 5:11 PM

I don't think that it happened because he was uneducated or that he didn't care, but things are different now days. It is undoubtedly more acceptable to intermarry now and he obviously fell in love.

(75)
SusanE,
August 8, 2010 4:58 PM

Perhaps its the Jewish Community Itself that is Causing Intermarriage.

Quote from article {------But when an identifiable, proud Jew intermarries, then the question we need to ask is why wasn't he educated and reached out to? How did the Jewish people fail in not giving him the knowledge he needed to channel his Jewish pride correctly?
Did our lack of care allow Mark Mezvinsky's intermarriage to Chelsea Clinton to happen?-----}
Rabbi has anyone considered that the man who intermarried was educated and knows Judaism and it was that very reason why he made the choice to intermarry? That he didn't want what the Jewish community had? It wasn't a lack of care that allowed the intermarriage to happen, it was his educated choice that made it happen. He saw Chelsea and he loved and respected her.

(74)
Sarah,
August 8, 2010 4:49 PM

Maybe she will convert

There are many, many stories of non-Jews who marry a Jew and then convert. NOT to make their partner happy but because they see the beauty of Judaism and want to join the tribe. Perhaps Chelsea is one of those. Perhaps she is one of the Jewish souls who were at Har Sinai and this is how she is being returned to her people. Perhaps her husband's deep connection to Judaism will resonate to her, she will learn more, and will convert. Or perhaps she won't convert, they will have children whom they will raise as Jews, and perhaps one of those children will learn enough about Judaism that he/she realizes that he/she needs to convert to be a Jew. In other words, how do we know what will happen here? It is probably not simply a matter of a lack of education. There may be greater forces at work here. I am willing to leave this in G-d's hands...where it belongs anyway.

(73)
Bob Levin,
August 8, 2010 4:45 PM

Not New, but, Not Good...

Maybe we should be honest, unemotional, and frank: The Rabbi is neither condemning 'love' nor Mr. Mezvinsky. Rather, he's using this very public, prominent marriage to address an issue as old as the Jewish people: the prevalent opportunity for intermarriage - a reoccurring theme in Torah and the Prophets - and, the admonitions against it - breaking Halacha, faith, commitment to heritage. The bottom-line, if we address this issue responsibly: it's act of 'idolatry' to permit Christian prayers at his marriage. [Is there a more central theme/law in Judaism than avoiding idolatry?? ] As such, it seems Mr. M. believes he holds a 'magic fork' - something permitting him to eat his cake and have it, too. That is, to act or appear Jewish at this important life event, without having to say to Chelsea, "Would you please convert"? It appears he wants the superficial attachments to Judaism, without the
responsibility: the 'tough', arduous, demanding traditions and rules of being Jewish. Let's call it 'Judaism Lite." - Is there doubt in anyone's mind that they'll have a Christmas tree in their home? Even with a mezuzah on the door[s], and a kipah and talis in the drawers, this is hard to square with being a religious Jew. - Finally, back to 'love': We don't know if he asked Ms. C to convert. Perhaps he did. People actually do such things for 'love.'

(72)
Carol,
August 8, 2010 4:39 PM

Jewish Day School and intermarriage

Are there any stats on the intermarriage rates of Jewish Day School graduates (especially Orthodox Day Schools) and the general Jewish population?

(71)
David,
August 8, 2010 4:34 PM

To all the other Mark Mezvinskys who are commenting here...

To Erica, and Anon 6, and Irene, and all the other commentators who are upset with this article or any similar dissents to Jews marrying gentiles...
You are just the same, unfortunately, as Rabbi Rothman so rightly and poignantly describes in this article, as Mark Merzvinsky - you are clearly at least aware of your Jewishness (seeing as though you are already reading articles on Aish.com), yet you are not affronted by the story of this wedding. You are in dire risk of drowning just the same, and you don't see the rushing water.
This comment isn't the place for me to speak on the higher goals of marriage and love. But, if not from a psychological, traditional, halachic or religious standpoint, at very least, realise the following...
Statistically speaking, anyone who intermarries is statistically by far and away, vastly condemning their children and for sure their grandchildren to a life with NOTHING Jewish to it.
If you would as a (proud) Jew intermarry, then at least do yourself the courtesy of at least investigating fairly just exactly what 3300 year-long life-and-death commitment it is that you are THROWING AWAY.

(70)
Phyllis Cantor,
August 8, 2010 4:32 PM

You are probably the most to blame

I read your article with great interest. In theory, it is on the mark. In reality, I think that the orthodox are more to blame for this situation than anyone else. It is the orthodox community that has the attitude that they are somehow the only true Jews--that refuses to join in projects with the Conservative and Reform community , that refuses to recognize all but the orthodox in Israel , a community of men that seems to, in 2010, have the same attitudes toward women they had in 1010. It is you who throw stones at those who don't think and act like you feel they should. I could go on, but I think you know the "image" of which I write. All of this arrogance and all of these attitudes and others make those like me (a Conservative Jew) want to shun you because so often you are an embarrassment . Perhaps if you could understand that this is the 21st century and change you attitudes it would help. Getting away from the image you present can be strong motivation for interdating. Interdating and intermarriage based on common interests, etc. rather than religious beliefs , for the Jews of today who want to see themselves os modern members of today's society

(69)
Sammy,
August 8, 2010 4:31 PM

You may be jumping the gun. We don't know if the young lady plans to convert...(?) These are two pretty smart young people. However, as aproud (and not so young) Jew who is not particularly observant, I have two friends from a 'mixed marriage' and , I must confess, for as long as I have known them both appear to be suffering from constant 'identity confusion' with the recurring problems of uncertainty in many important things in their own lives (not necessarily to do with religion issues).

(68)
Leah,
August 8, 2010 4:29 PM

comment for Irene Freudenheim

To Irene Freudenheim: Hello. I would like to respond to your comment of love being an important issue at hand here. Yes, you are correct. Love does play an important part. Love of a fellow Jew is so important. Love should have motivated another Jew/s to speak with this particular young man, Mr. Mezvinsky as well as other countless individuals who are about to embark on marriage with a person who is not Jewish. I wish more of us Jews would allow ourselves to focus on love and not other more petty issues and therefore miss the golden opportunity to educate Jews who are unaware of the true meaning of what it means to be a Jew.
If more Jews motivated themselves from a positve place internally then I think that intermarriage would be the minority and not the other way around.

(67)
Stuart Lewis,
August 8, 2010 4:29 PM

Comment in regard to Ms.Clinton's marriage to Mr. Mezvinsky

While i as an Torah Jew would have preferred him to marry
a Jewish young lady ( as commanded by G-d in Torah) i trust
you are missing the point to a certain extent. Mr. Mezvinsky
IS NOT embracing himself in another religion and another G-d. Ms. Clinton i trust finds truth in Judaism and can possibly
sometime in the future choose to literally embrace Judaism
herself. It's my feeling without knowing for sure that they
agreed to raise their children within Jewish religious understanding. Remember, Hashem told us to be kind to the
foreigner because you were once foreigners in the land of Egypt and for Chal Yisrael to be A LIGHT TO THE NATIONS. What better way to be a witness for Hashem
then to embrace Ms. Clinton and invite her to consider
joining the people of Israel in their trust in the One G-d
of Jacob.
Respectfully, Stuart Lewis

(66)
susa,
August 8, 2010 4:27 PM

Where were you?

For how long were these two dating? For how long were they engaged? Where were you? It either matters or it doesn't. if anyone cares, do something. There are a lot of Marks and Chelseas out there...

(65)
Bob Canter,
August 8, 2010 4:26 PM

Your article is right on the money

You make some excellent points. Clearly Jewish intermarriage is well accepted today, but it still leads to the gradual erosion of the Jewish people. The odds of the Mezvinsky-Clinton's kids being raised Jewish is 50%, at best, and the kids of intermarriage generally have a much lower chance of adopting Judaism than do kids from two Jewish parents. In Europe in the 1930's-40's, Jews were in danger of being hated to death. In the 21st Jews are in danger of being loved to death. Our numbers are small enough as it is; intermarriage -- "Chelsea Style" or otherwise -- is here to stay, but it isn't good for the Jewish community.

(64)
Anonymous,
August 8, 2010 4:25 PM

Intermarriage

Perhaps Marc Mezvinsky did go to a Sukkah, and did participate in Jewish traiditions. That is not a guarantee of anything. My son went to yeshiva for 12 years, went to Orthodox summer camps, had a year in Israel, and still he is engaged to an Asian girl. In his case, perhaps all his education resonated because I made it clear to him that nothing less than an Orthodox conversion would do, or else I would have nothing to do with him. They have complied, she is converting through an Orthodx Beit Din and has in fact has brought my son back to religion, more so than he ever was. In his case yeshivas and camps had a negative impact on him. They have purchased an apt. to live in after they marry near a well known orthodox synagogue. But in this case, it was I who was adamant about her conversion, and perhaps his background did help. In Marc Mezvinsky's case,as in Edward Scholssberg's case, the parent's were more impressed and interested in "yichus" than they were Judaism. The children of the Mezvinsky/Clinton couple while they will not be Jewish, might learn somethng about Judaism. In the Shlosssberg case, I doubt it's even mentioned. Even so, old man Joe Kennedy , the anti-Semite must be turning over in his grave. So there are those, who no matter what, still fall through the cracks as hard as we try, But I guess, we can still do much better. Parents can and should be less complacent and insist on a kosher conversion. We have accepted our son's fiancee. Now she just has to pick out a Hebrew name.

(63)
Anonymous,
August 8, 2010 4:22 PM

what about the chilren?

what about love? i read a comment posted, yes what about it? they dated and oops he finds out she not jewish... now what? this almost doesnt bother me, they are young and fell in love understandable right? possibly?. what my concern is, the children to be! what if shes the most respectful, educated non-jewish wifh that lights candles, has a holiday or two, sends her children to jewish pre-school..bottom line: her children and childrens children will not ever be jews...ever. im a mother of 3 children. 2 are teenagers. my daughter (16) was having this conversation 2 days ago with friends. i was listenening to them and their friends and comments like, "i want to marry a jew" and/or " its not exceptable in my home, its out of the question". this problem as i see it lies within this boys home and how he was brought up, not that he wasnt educated or involved as he clearly was, just not correctly. we need our children to WANT to marry with in...WANT. im not the most religious person either, but im jewish and its NOT an optionin my home and my children know this. so as they grow off and leave my home they know our feeling and hopefully this voice will be deep within their hearts and minds as they meet and greet. we are loosing our children and grandchildren and our heritage due to apathy. i would have felt better if he didnt have on a tallit and have so much judiasm in his ceremony as that only made me sadder for him and how his family failed him with the proper education. how he stood there and showed the world "its ok to marry out, you can have it both ways, well mark you can, when you hold you son or daughter one day they will not be able to wear a kippur or tallit properly like you. i wont even get into why a rabbi would allow to perform such a ceremony? everyone is at fault, but lets look where it all beings and end....in our homes.
i hope and pray one day i dont eat these words, but after listenening to my daughter i reamin hopefull.

(62)
R Burton,
August 8, 2010 4:22 PM

Marc and Chelsea's wedding

Intermarriage between two faiths can be a rich, rewarding experience or it can fall apart. Instead of being so condescending about their new marriage, lets be supportive of their new union and celebrate their marriage. Being a curmudgeon about their marriage will not help them in the least bit. Mazol Tov Marc and Chelsea!

(61)
Bubbelove,
August 8, 2010 4:19 PM

I am sorry that your comments blame lack of education, etc. on the parents. There seems to be so much that you do not understand. I have four children, one is intermarried. She made a kosher home, sent her very young children to Jewish Day School then took them out. She was raised in a Conservative home observing ALL the holidays, etc. She went to Hebrew Day School - Maimonides and Schechter. Judaism was very important in our family. I won't go into the whole megillah, but I am very insulted to hear you say it's the upbringing. Yes it is true of some; however, my other three children are committed to keep Judaism alive with their children. The fact that Mark Mezvinsky wanted a chuppah and wear a tallit and kippah tells me that he cares about Judaism, but his heart got in the way.I am disappointed in my child who intermarried. She is now not giving her children 7 and 9 - a Jewish pride. She herself used to teach Hebrew and Religion. I do not take the blame. She married an athiest and apparently he changed her. Go figure. Stop blaming parents for what their children do.Sometimes our hands are tied, unless we live in a ghetto. I was also a Jewish educator - so go figure. She is my disappointment, but I will not take the blame.

(60)
Geek,
August 8, 2010 4:19 PM

To Irene and Anonymous

I grew up in a Conservative Temple where fellow Hebrew school students espoused such ideas as love knowing no race or religion, all of that type of secular humanism. The realities I have learned are very different. First of all- over half of all marraiges in the United States today end in divorce. Among intermarraiges the divorce rate is much higher. Love is something which builds over time- being together and striving for the same goals while going through the trials and tribulations of life together. When the magic of the wedding day has faded- you need common core values. When kids come into the picture- you need to be on the same page with what values you want them to have (and don't tell me that the kids themselves can decide that). Leaving such decisions to children who have no basis to make decisions leaves them floating without a base to latch onto. The results can be devastating (G-d forbid).
What then is the answer- look into the sources that have been guiding the Jewish People from time immemorial. Hashem has given us the answers. The Torah is that guide. The Sages of each generation have helped us to understand the wellsprings of knowledge that Hashem has handed down to us- and has proven true generation to generation.
To Irene and Anonymous- May Hashem grant you both a year of blessing and success in all areas spiritual, physical, and financial. I recommend that you both read the book "Doesn't Anyone Blush Anymore" by Rabbi Manis Friedman.
Wishing you both sincere and boundless blessings of the highest order.

(59)
Anonymous,
August 8, 2010 4:13 PM

What about Love for the Jewish God?

To my fellow Jewish commentators who object to the message of this rabbi's article.
Yes, intermarriage is a reality, a painful one for those who love the Jewish God and see rapidly shrinking Jewish populations in communities all across America.
And yes, "there is such a thing as 'love'." But love for "who"?
Despite the obvious, extraordinary talent, refinement and decency of the non-Jews being chosen to stand together in love with the Jew in question, Judaism demands a "Jewish" home dedicated to God, not an egalitarian one, catered to my own individual taste or opinion about love.
Judaism sees us as part of a 'whole' much greater than ourselves, lived according to His Will, rather than only what is love according to 'me'. Making the choice based on what I believe is love is a secular way of thinking, not a Jewish one.
The Torah teaches us that our first obligation is to God. Yes, our very human lives are "holy" in His eyes and have infinite value. But that is because He said so, in the book of Bereishis (Genesis).
Otherwise, all love aside, we may come to the conclusion of great secular physicists who see no meaning and no particular value to man in this magnificent world.,all love aside
It is Hashem's Torah that frames our view of love not modern secular man.
If the wonderful non-Jew I love is also in love with the Jewish God, he/she will be welcomed into the Jewish people and answer amen to the sheva brachot under the chuppah. Otherwise, I will have married a lovely person and satisfied my desires, not His. I will have trashed God's Will, that I build a Jewish home, as a member of the Jewish people, where I teach God's message together with a Jewish partner.

(58)
Anonymous,
August 8, 2010 4:08 PM

Judaic Bigotry!

White supremeists are univerisally condemned for their bigoted acts against Jews. Yet we are expected to sit silently and mute when bigotry is committed by Jews against Gentiles? This is blatant hypocracy being committed by Jews. Shame, Shame, Shame!

(57)
,
August 8, 2010 4:08 PM

you can't help who u fall in love with....the world socially is mixed....unless one lives in a ostrosized community and onlhy stays within those streets and never go outside there is always a possibility
of intermarriage...yes, i am married to a jewish man...remember if the woman is jewish....so are the children...
.harriet v. weinberger

(56)
Anonymous,
August 8, 2010 4:08 PM

Mazel Tov

With the world watching...a highly connected, daughter of a famous President and a mother who is Secretary of State...chose from all the eligible men in the world...a JEW!!!
MAZEL TOV

(55)
Bonnie Farkas,
August 8, 2010 4:08 PM

agree with Oreet

I agree with you,Oreet. He is obviously not a committed Jew, and it is downright embarrassing to see him wearing a tallis and kippah while marrying a Gentile. He is woefully ignorant of the implications of marrying out, having sheva brochos recited at the ceremony is a chilul Hashem in my opinion.

(54)
miriam wolkenfeld cohen,
August 8, 2010 4:06 PM

no longer a stigma in the gentile community either

THIS IS JUST A PUBLIC DISPLAY OF SOME Jewish symbols, but Mark does not lead a Jewish life, and neither did his parents. They are Jewish by birth, not practice. And as ever, they have free will and free choice. It would have been better for these two who lead a secular life, to have a wedding without any religious trappings. Perhaps they did this to satisfy parent's wishes. But of course, in the end it is their lives, and their children (if there are any) will not be Jewish according to Orthodox and Conservative Halacha.

(53)
Paula,
August 8, 2010 4:03 PM

Dating and Jewish singles

A person who is "orthodox" will not start dating someone non-Jewish.
How close are you related to your relegion?
Apparently, Mark Mezvinsky was happy with someone in his life and he did not want to change.

(52)
Anonymous,
August 8, 2010 4:01 PM

Intermarriage is ALWAYS a shame

To those who talk about "love" and the idea that inter-marrying is anything less than a terrible tragedy, I am truly saddened. Intermarriage and assimilation is what keeps the Jewish population from being unable to recoup pre-war numbers in the over 60 years that have passed since then. It is such a disaster, that it is not untrue to call it the silent holocaust- a phenomenon that destroys our nation from the inside, muffled by an ideology of political correctness and new-age non-judgementalism. In my Jewish outreach, I have but ONE plea for my secular friends- to marry Jewish. They may not all agree, but they all understand-especially the boys, who understand the fact that the Jewish line will end with them. To any Jews who still espouse the idea that "marrying who you love" need not include "marrying the JEW you love" for themselves or their children, I URGE you to look into your Judaism a bit more, so you can better understand why a marriage between 2 Jews is ALWAYS the right decision.

(51)
Anonymous,
August 8, 2010 3:59 PM

I stuggle with my response...

Yes, I have intermarried and yes I live a dedicated Jewish life. Although i have been married for almost 20 years having married out of my faith is something I have thought about for the same 20.I will also share that I volunteer weekly in several Jewish organizations where we struggle to find fellow (Jewish) volunteers. In addition, I work in a day school where some children who come from wholly Jewish families are very familiar w/ Jewish "Laws" but have little sense of kindness and compassion towards others. I believe in my heart that I am good and know completely that my children are Jewish, and as such they live daily with the belief that they must "add" goodness to the world and help others; I believe G-d is pleased w/ the children they are and the adults they will become. having said all this, I do tell my son that he should marry someone Jewish. I try to explain to him the importance. However, I know the key to his future Jewish life ( and my daughter's) is not in my words or lectures but in my guidance; in the way I show him the joys of a Jewish life. When children "feel' Jewish in their core - there is no need to worry.

(50)
meyerbentzvi,
August 8, 2010 3:58 PM

Assuming that they will eventually have grandchildren, I am more interested in what effect this intermarriage will have on the latters" religious and secular attitude.
Jewish history has plenty of examples of the results.

(49)
Saul,
August 8, 2010 3:56 PM

Such narrow mindness from a Rabbi is dissappointing!

As a past President of a Synagogue I believe the Rabbi's view of what constitutes being a commited Jew is sadly out of date. It belittles many of our faith!

(48)
Ruth,
August 8, 2010 3:53 PM

What about the lost tribes of Jews?

Since there are people from the 12 tribes that are not identified yet, as being Jewish, and other's are labeled goy's, could we come to express our concerns in new Forum's that reach out to talk about important issues. Being Kind to the younger generation while we express our Hope for the Future Generations. Some people are jewish that do not know it. I was adopted as a little girl. Shalom, May You
Go In Peace.

(47)
Elliot Victor Galanti,
August 8, 2010 3:45 PM

Do not overdo things

Live in the 21st century - there is such a thing as current news - So many have married non Jews who have converted and became model JEWISH spouse - Some even have contributed so much to the faith tradition and ensured their off spring to marry JEWS. The Clintons are after all known the world over we followed many of their development & stories therefore why should it not be reported - ? What is so enjoyable being a JEW that no one forces dogma upon you - There is nothing worse amongst ourselves when the extra religious want to impose their way on you then Judaism changes colour Beware of any zelous extremism - HAZAK VEHEMATZ - EVG

(46)
TMay,
August 8, 2010 3:43 PM

the way I see it

A remnant has always been what kept the Jews alive, starting with Egypt and then with the 2 tribes out of 12.
What makes it sad is that somewhere there is a Jewish woman who won't find a Jewish man and she will be forced to either marry out in order to have children or not have Jewish children.
It could be that God has a plan of which we are unaware.

(45)
Judith Friedmann,
August 8, 2010 3:43 PM

Dear Mark
You maybe never asked to be a jew.You were born one.But that identity is not a burden, it's a gift!It means you are part of something bigger, much bigger than yourself.Each of us Jews is the culmination of the hopes of hundreds of jewish ancestors.Do not forget you have an inheritance from your grandparents and to him from an ancestor of his to Mount Sinai.It is a responsability.Mark the right thing for a jEw is to marry another Jew not only because our religion requires it but when Jews marry out they chip away their jewish future.You made an end to a chain of your family who gave away their life to stay Jewish. A chain that continued for over 3000 years.Your situation can likened to that of a man who has never possessed precious gems and is quite content to accept glass as a substitute.What a shame!!!!!

(44)
LILA SELTER,
August 8, 2010 3:40 PM

i KNOW PEOPLE WHO HAVE RUN AWAY FROM jUDISAIM

my OWN COUSIN HAS DONE THIS . she WAS ENGAGED TO A JEWISH GUY AND ON THE DAY THEY WERE TO PICK OUT HER ENGAGEMENT RING HE DECIDED HE DID NOT WANT TO GET MARRIED. SHE MARRIED AN ANTISEMITIC GERMAN GUY HAD TOTALLY LOST HER ENTIRE JEWISH IDENTITY. SHE HAD HER GIRLS BAPTIZED AND IS ALMOST OFFENDED WHEN I TALK ABOUT THINGS THAT I DO AT TEMPLE WITH MY FAMILY. my YOUNGEST ALSO MARRIED OUT SIDE OF OUR FAITH. she IS ONLY 19 BUT HER HUSBAND IS CONSIDERING CONVERTING TO JEW ISM. they HAVE HAD THEIR DAUGHTER BLESSED IN OUR TEMPLE. my DAUGHTER REGRETS HER CHOICE NOW.

(43)
Stan Tee,
August 8, 2010 3:34 PM

On Shabbos, too

I'm sure someone will correct me if I'm wrong about this, but didn't this "proud" Jew also choose to marry his non-Jewish bride on Shabbos?

(42)
Denise Rootenberg,
August 8, 2010 3:29 PM

The rabbi's conscience should bother him?

I can't understand why the rabbi should have a conscience for standing up for what he believes in and for what has kept Judaism alive for centuries? He didn't make one nasty comment about non-Jews. Chelsea didn't convert and isn't interested in doing so therefore her children will not be Jewish. That is a fact. My Catholic friends do not belive in intermarriage either. To me, some Jewish girl just lost an eligible guy.

(41)
Sarah,
August 8, 2010 3:28 PM

I've seen pics of him in years past

I never saw a pic of him wearing a kippah or Tzitzits before. The news has been showing lots of pics of him alone, and with Chelsea - apparently they've known each other since college, over a decade ago. Not in any of those pics could he be identified as a Jew. No Kippah, no Tzitzits, nothing that I saw like that.
I'd guess that maybe his parents brought him up as a High Holydays Jew and that's about it?
But no, his children won't be Jews according to Torah law, and he has just cut off an entire branch of the Jewish people by marrying Chelsea. I dont understand what Jews who SHOULD know this, are saying in the other comments about love, etc. It's about the survival of the Jewish people, people!
Intermarriage is killing off millions of branches of the Jewish people who should have been born but never will be!

(40)
yaakov haimovic,
August 8, 2010 3:27 PM

ZIONISM

get it into your heads,that wat is going to happen to ALL jews living in open democratic societies.the ONLY solution is active ZIONISM.come and live among a jewish majority.by the simple laws of statistics your child will marry "inside the tribe".THERE IS NO OTHER WAY.

(39)
Barbara,
August 8, 2010 3:22 PM

Lost to his people?

To me it seems drastic to say that Mezvinsky's "precious soul was lost to his people." By wearing the tallit and kippah and including elements of a Jewish wedding, it seems he is NOT lost to the Jewish people in the way intermarriages used to be. At least it seems there will be some Jewish observance in the household and that this will be imparted to his children. Perhaps the children will even be converted and raised as Jews. I realize this seems very watered down to the very observant. But it doesn't seem to me that this soul is completely LOST.

(38)
franfrumowitz,
August 8, 2010 3:22 PM

i agree with oreet

i agree that he did not know that this was wrong or care that this was wrong and was not committed or connected to being jewish. also as for the article saying that he should have been invited to someones shabbos table,or a lunch and learn if it is anything like the ones i have gone too i would not have been suprised if he had gone and decided that orthodoxy was not for him as someone who has been frum for 7 yrs i have gone through a lot of humiliation and hurt and anger and it is by people who i do not know if they are trying to be nice or not but many made it bluntly and obviously clear that i do not belong and i was not wanted and i was a pity case unfortunately that is kiruv and it is because i liked what i saw despite all of the people who have hurt me and embarrassed me and made me feel stupid that i became religious . and orthodoxy requires people to be strong because if i had not been strong and the people who had hurt me had convinced me orthodoxy was wrong i would have let them win . and i do not think that being religious is everything i think he had a rabbi and a sheva brachot was said because his family wanted him to . i think that it is indicative that being a Jew gets a bad rap i do not think that it is indicative that he was an American jew because i have heard stories of those not American marrying Christians and i have relatives that have married not Jews the way this article says. and it is LOSHON HARA to write an article to criticize someone's choices in who they marry.

(37)
Marion,
August 8, 2010 3:18 PM

Don't forget the effects of power

Please remember the article that Noah Feldman wrote for the New York Times a few years ago. He attended an orthodox day school through high school and so was certainly educated Jewishly. He still was surprised when his school and shul communities didn't acknowledge his inter-marriage. He is brilliant and very accomplished as is Mr. Mezvinsky. If you have always had everything go your way, why shouldn't you assume that the Jewish community will make an exception for you.

(36)
Paul,
August 8, 2010 3:15 PM

presumptuous

How presumptuous of the author to state that Mr. Mezvinsky is confused and uneducated about his Judaism that he cannot possibly be a proud Jew. How does the author know Mr. Mezvinsky did not participate in Shabbos dinners, other holiday dinners and Jewish singles events. Perhaps he did and realized like scores of others, that these are not the ones with whom to spend the rest of one's life. Perhaps Mr. Mezvinsky would rather marry the woman of his choice whom, as he has deemed, possesses shared values with him. Mr. Mezvinsky is not a "lost Jew." The lost Jew is the one who slavishly follows intractible and outdated orthodox religious determinations and marries someone who, while a professionally practicing Orthodox who keeps kosher and performs the ritual, behaves and speaks with hypocrisy. Sorry, Mr. Mezvinsky is not unknowledgeable; he probably has too much knowledge and consciously decided that such a life was not for him.

(35)
Mr Mel,
August 8, 2010 3:14 PM

The Children

I don't think I'll be around to hear about their grown children (as much as I would like to be). I will make a prediction, if there are offspring from this union at least one of them will be choose to be Jewish. I've seen it many times, the children of educated, intelligent and caring Jewish intermarried couples have raised their children in both faiths and we usually come out ahead. The problem will be their mother, not being a Jew. They will overcome that and in the eyes most enlightened Jews they will be Jewish. God bless Chelsea and Mark and may they live long productive lives and have these children.

(34)
Braunstein,
August 8, 2010 3:07 PM

DISAPPOINTING

i do not agree whit you, tow souls that love each other.
Respect ,share life up to the point merge the life and sealed it by marring.

(33)
David Foreman,
August 8, 2010 3:07 PM

They both seem to be happy with their choices, they love each other. I would prefer that Jews not intermarry. However, I understand that our existence in a non-Jewish world exposes us to intermarriage, for better or for worse.

(32)
Martin,
August 8, 2010 3:04 PM

Oreet..........yo are 100% right

I agree with Oreet 100%. If he were a commited Jew, he would not marry outside his faith. You want to marry outside thwe faith? It's o.k. (not for my family) but don't say you are a commited Jew.

(31)
Channie,
August 8, 2010 3:01 PM

From proud Jew to committed Jew

The previous comments all seem to have missed the point. Anyone who publicly and proudly displays his Jewish identity has that flame of the "pintele Yid" still buried within him in spite of what is othrwise total assimilation. Our challenge, not our blame, is in reaching all the Marks in our society, to fan that flame, so that they understand the full beauty of what the tallit and Kippah represent and therefore joyfully accept the resposibilities and seeming restrictions they require. Only with tht\at knowledge can the externally proud Jew become an internally committed Jew.

(30)
ck,
August 8, 2010 2:57 PM

think about it

if you think that intermarriage is ok- try thinking about a reason why someone may believe that intermarriage is wrong instead of getting defensive.
really think about it.

(29)
Wilfred Caez,
August 8, 2010 2:56 PM

Why not: Are we not all God's children? Did He not create us all.

I believe that as long as a marriage is between two people who LOVE each other, who are we to say that in God's eye it is wrong. We can not hope to understand what God find abhorrent.
The same displeasure that some people find in intermarriage
they will find in any marriage that does not fit their idea of the proper marriage.
It seems to me that early Jewish women prophets married outside of their "religion".

(28)
Dave,
August 8, 2010 2:54 PM

A difference which makes no difference is no difference at all.

Intermarried Jews must not be shunned, and their children should be given Jewish educations if their parents desire it, but Jews who are intermarried or who might intermarry need to be aware that the Torah explicitly prohibits intermarriage. Individual Jews have free will in how they will observe Torah, but G-d has given the Jewish people as a whole a standard to strive for that makes the Jewish people "chosen" and exceptional. If we are to act only like non-Jews, then why be Jewish? A difference which makes no difference is no difference at all.

(27)
Estreya Seval Vali,
August 8, 2010 2:54 PM

Fame and money

There is one point you miss, dear Rabbi. Mr. Mevzinsky might be a proud Jew, ignorant of his heritage but he certainly is avid of fame -which he already obtained- and richess. Which Shabbat dinner could make him change his mind when our charity organizations care only about hard monetary donations, and not works of arts of nonfamous artists that can be converted into money. That requires a little effort of course. I am sure you would accept a substantial check from Mr. Mevzinsky should he ever do so without any hesitation.

(26)
Moshe Hochenberg,
August 8, 2010 2:54 PM

Marc Mezvinsky

No, Rabbi, itt's NOT my fault that he married out. Wearing a tallit and kipa at one's own church wedding is an arrogant display of ill-conceined NON-principles by that individual. He himself made that decision, and implemented it. He certainly didn't consult me or any others that I know, nor millions of others I don't know. There was a 'rabbi' officiating / participating at that ceremony. What was he doing there? He
may 'practise' a different form of Judaism than you do, but why did you not try to influence him - as a fellow member of the 'cloth'? Did Marc consult his own parents? Or any rabbi? I don't know. Inter-marriage is sad for the future of Jewry, but don't blame the rest of us - we're just lay-people. How about the rabbinate taking on the blame AND the resposibility?

(25)
David,
August 8, 2010 2:53 PM

Hubris.

This article is silly. It assumes-- without evidence-- that it is only ignorance that keeps Jews from embracing Orthodoxy. Rabbi, you should realize that not everyone finds the Kuzari more persuasive than Wellhausen. Your version of Judaism, sadly, is an all-or-nothing proposition. You leave no room for those who would proudly self-identify as Jews but are not persuaded by your beliefs. Indeed, you dismiss them as ignorant and have the chutzpah to think that a Shabbos lunch would persuade them of the error of their ways-- as if overcooked stew and songs were a legitimate foundation for belief. You found room for for Solomon's wives-- why not the Mezvinskys?

(24)
,
August 8, 2010 2:51 PM

Love is love, and I know of many who have converted.
I wonder what their children will align with? I do see children light Hanuka candles one week and sit under the Christmas tree the following week. I dont find that to be good example to children at all. But I think Mark & Family felt they had to have a Rabbi at the wedding. IT ALMOST SMELLS OF "JEWISH GUILT" rather then a Jewish statement. Actually when I first saw the Yamaka I thought perhaps chelsea has converted, but maybe political pressure did not allow her to do that either. SO I just hope they are happy and wish them the very best.

(23)
Anonymous,
August 8, 2010 2:50 PM

LOVE LOVE LOVE

It saddens me that you have such tunnel vision on what makes a good Jew. I am proud that being Jewish. In my community, conservative, we allow folks of all faiths to pray and learn with us. If we,the Jews of this world would open the doors to all others for what they believe who are you to say that they can not fall in love, but still embrace and hold dear his own faith. You can learn a lot about each other and still have ones own faith. shame on you for being so boxed in. No wonder the wold does not want to respect some of the Jewish people, you do not respect them. As a teacher, meaning "Rabbi" , we are ALL G-d's children. AS a teacher myself, I will continue to teach this belief to all my children. Abraham allowed all into his tent. LOVE, LOVE, LOVE!

(22)
Rob,
August 8, 2010 2:48 PM

Judaism begins in the home

A Jew who does not believe in the primacy of Torah will not have reason to obey the commandment to not intermarry. It is that simple. When individuals' privilege, pleasure, desires, and secular political beliefs are placed *before* Torah, there are no boundaries, no absolutes. It is as easy to fall in love with a Jew as with a non-Jew, so all that is required for reducing intermarriage is to teach children the importance of Torah, mitzvot, and halakhot. But that requires the example be lived at home, not the hypocrisy exemplified by non-observant American Jews. I don't know the Clinton's machatunim, but I'll bet dollars to kosher doughnuts that they didn't keep kosher or shabbos, that they sent him to Hebrew school for a Bar Mitzvah instead of for an education, that they showed by example that it was more important to be accepted by non-Jews than to serve HaShem. Intemarriage will never be completely eliminated, but it could be reduced if American Jews actually lived Judaism, not just enjoyed its holidays and symbols.

(21)
Ilana Leeds,
August 8, 2010 2:47 PM

There is such a thing as Ahavas Israel Irene

B'H
When you talk of love, I am guessing that you are talking about egotistical love and love that is devoid of true spirituality. Love is an overused and misunderstood word.
What of his family and his traditions? What of the love of his parents for him and his 'love' for them?
This was a farce compared with a genuine Jewish marriage. ...

(20)
Stephen Hirsch,
August 8, 2010 2:47 PM

What now?

I have walked in Mr. Mezvinsky's shoes. I was intermarried for 18 years; now, I am living a Frum lifestyle married to a Jewish woman (who happens to be a Convert, but that is neither here nor there). The facts of the matter are this: Mr. Mezvinsky is still chayiv T'filling, Shabbos, Kashrus and everything else. The fact that he is transgressing a Commandment does not allow him or us to forget about him (and his wife). My cousins the Schustal family welcomed me when I came into their lives, when I was still intermarried; are you all more Choshiv that they are?
The Mezvinsky's are welcome at my tisch anytime.

(19)
ROBER LOVELL,
August 8, 2010 2:44 PM

damn right we care

what Hitler did not do to us we finally have done to ourselves we start by assimilation and erasing ourselves.

(18)
m.weil,
August 8, 2010 2:40 PM

chelsea and marc

get over it.......it's their wedding, not your's. be glad he didn't convert to her religion then you would be minus one.........

(17)
Anonymous,
August 8, 2010 2:34 PM

Love?/Intermarriage

To #5 and # 6: Love has nothing to do with it! And, yes, internarriage with a non-Jew is wrong! He is now lost to the Jewish nation because any children he has with her will not be Jewish! But the time he stood next to her, last Shabbos (that was not Shabbos to him, his parens or the 'rabbi' who was there) he was already lost and I think he was probably lost years before. When a Jewish child has no real meaningful Jewish education - for which his parents bear responsibility - how would he, growing up in an assimilated world, have any idea that there is more to being Jewish than the 'outer trappings' seen at the wedding? You also don't know that no one tried to reach him, at least it is not proven that there was no effort made to welcome this lost soul back to Klal Yisroel.We should all be crying that this Neshoma has been lost!

(16)
ana,
August 8, 2010 2:31 PM

Why should he keep one commandment?

Do you think he keeps Torah Commandments? If he doesn't, why should he see the commandment to marry a Jew, not a gentile, as more important than Shabbat or Kashrut or anything else? I think the real question is why he wore the Jewish clothing (for the grandparents; to prove he's comfortable with who he is; as a fashion statement etc.), and not why he married a gentile.

(15)
Joseph Botbol,
August 8, 2010 2:31 PM

How naive can you be?

Irene's comment that love conquers all is naive at best. wearing a tallit and kipa may indicate that he identifies with Judaism. However, to marry a non-Jew and on Shabbat tells me that he is ignorant of Jewish Law and cares nothing about Judaism. To say the "Shevah Berajot on Shabbat!" That's Hillul Hashem.

(14)
Anonymous,
August 8, 2010 2:29 PM

Wait, listen, think ...

Jewish marriage sanctifies our relationship with G-d. What I have learned is the union between a man and woman in marriage is the closest we get to another human being ... and can impact the future of our people! It's taken me a lifetime, well 51 years so far, to make it back to where I am secure and grateful for being a Jew. When I marry, I want our union to elevate us closer to G-d. The author is not blasting Mark and Chelsea; he's asking us to take a look at how we're taking care of each other as Jews. If my parents had taken care of me, I may have married at a much younger age, would have lived a much different life ... full of the values of our people. At a singles event recently, the other single woman, who outnumbered the men 25 to 1, asked me why I wanted to even get married. "Just have fun." We have to own that!

(13)
Anonymous,
August 8, 2010 2:24 PM

He insulted his Jewish roots....

by being married on Shabbos. To me, it's that simple. And shame on the rabbi that participated.

(12)
Irene,
August 8, 2010 2:24 PM

intermarriage

I wish them joy because when the children come so will the problems. I am sure they have discussed how the children will be raised but when the child is in your arms and the gentile partner swears "my child is not going to hell" and the Jewish partner says may you be source of pride to Israel, then what? and this leaves out grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, friends, teachers...

(11)
Elisabeth Tatum,
August 8, 2010 2:21 PM

NO

My son just married a beautiful young woman whose mother is caucasian and whose father is black.
I"M PROUD of him. I respect her parents. My son and daughte=in=law are a beautifully well matched couple !!!!
Let us NOT discriminate on the basis of religion or ethnicity !
It breeds contempt. and ill will towards those who discriminate.
The issue of intermarriage in complex, MARRIAGE is complex ! ABove all... an open mind , an open heart, and good will to all women and men.

(10)
Anonymous,
August 8, 2010 2:19 PM

Business Marriage?

In my opinion, this marriage was arranged not by religion but by politics. Hillary has stated that if Obama's ratings drop under 40, she will run as President. The GOP speaks out for Israel, while the Obama team has shown themselves. The wedding was paid for by a friend,(Politics?) giving Hillary a different image, having a Jewish son-in-law. How can you tell a Jew that is wrapped up in Politics to choose Torah instead when it conflicts with each other.? In this case Politics was chosen. Two good friends with parents that are friends and politics is their business. Whatever brought these two together, which lead to marriage, It's after the fact now so time to move on to some possibilities. Chelsea is a good person, so instead of looking at we lost a Jew to intermarriage; possible we gained one. And that one, can be fruitful and multiply.

(9)
,
August 8, 2010 2:18 PM

I really dislike your article and find it to be most offensive. When two people love each other and share a cultural and educational background, I don't feel that religion matters at all. It is attitudes such as yours which cause the problems in this world. I really wonder if Bill & Hillary Clinton were conservative republicans, if you would take the same position

(8)
Devorah,
August 8, 2010 2:17 PM

Proud for show?

Seems to me that this was "pride" that was for display. While I am not one to judge someone's heart, would he not have chosen a Jewish bride if he was truly proud of being Jewish?
I spent 22 years in an abusive marriage to man who was "proud" his Father was a Jew, yet complained that he was not considered Jewish due to his Mother being a gentile. Yet, for the last 15 years of my marriage I was barred from converting to Judaism and he refused to do so.
I divorced several years ago and the first thing I did was head straight to synagogue. When I began dating I took a strong stance that I was Jewish and my home and family where Jewish. When re-married this last March I was able to proudly stand under the chupah with my Jewish spouse, knowing our home would be Jewish.
There is pride that we show and, there is pride that is truly in our hearts. How do you show pride when there is no way to raise a Jewish child when the Mother is not Jewish?

(7)
Erica,
August 8, 2010 2:12 PM

You're living in the past

Jews who identify Jewishly are marrying out. The children of many committed Jews at my shul have married non-Jews. They are informed, they were raised responsibly, but there is no great stigma attached to intermarriage for the majority of American Jews. All your speculations about motivation seem way off the mark to me. It's a fact of life and people need to figure out constructive ways of responding rather than blaming and making assumptions.

(6)
Anonymous,
August 8, 2010 2:12 PM

I am sometimes shocked at the attitude in which we jews think that intermarriage is wrong. Good luck with your conscience Rabbi.

(5)
irene Freudenheim,
August 8, 2010 2:07 PM

I didn't like your article at all, there is such a thing as LOVE !

(4)
Rosen,
August 8, 2010 1:34 PM

disappointing

It sure is disappointing when there is an intermarriage between and Jew and a non-Jew, at least to the Jewish community. Such Jewish inaction has resulted in the assumption that people can get "the best of both worlds" when it is really forgetting about one's Judaism or hardly advancing halachically. Sometimes if I come across peers that are about to intermarry, I try to advise them on the implications, but I doubt they're convinced and they marry off that non-Jew they fell in love with, most likely due to general chemistry and infatuation...As for me being a young adult who has yet to marry, if/when I do, I'm expecting it to be a Jew (otherwise, I wouldn't marry anyone at all, but I hope such loneliness isn't halachically murder).

(3)
Oreet,
August 8, 2010 1:28 PM

committed Jew????????

He is not a committed Jew - a few external trappings do not mean anything. He really doesn't know much about being Jewish and probably cares even less. Just because there was a rabbi there and someone said sheva brachot means nothing.
Bottom line - he is not committed or connected and neither is his family. He married a goy because he just doesn't know or care that it is wrong. Stop trying to whitewash anything.
This is a crying shame - and unfortunately, oh so indicative of so many American Jews.

(2)
Mindy Weinstein,
August 8, 2010 12:33 PM

I know so many Jews on the outside of Judaism looking in wistfully. They may no admit it at first but there is so much they want here and never seem to get. I challenge every Torah observant Jew to to get involved with Project Inspire, Aish HaTorah's user-friendly program for lay-people to do kiruv! How dare we sit comfortably at our Shabbos table, in our Sukkah, or at our Pesach Seder if all the Mark Mesvinskys out aren't there with us?We do this regularly. It is so so wonderfully fulfilling for us! My kids appreciate their heritage so much more when they see others who look at them with envy.

(1)
Sam,
August 8, 2010 11:28 AM

Proud?

I think that it's a mistake to think that because he wore a kippah and talit that he is a proud Jew. He may have only done so because he was expected to by others.

I want to know about the concept of "sin" due to Adam and Eve eating from the Tree of Knowledge. The Christian concept of sin revolves around the fall of the man and the "original sin." Does Judaism view it the same way?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Adam and Eve were punished according to their actions. In other words, God laid down the conditions for Adam and Eve to live in the garden, provided they would not eat from the Tree of Knowledge. However, if they were to eat from that tree they would be punished by experiencing death. (If they had not eaten from the tree, they would have remained immortal.)

This sets down the basic principle in Judaism of Reward and Punishment. Basic to this is that every person has the choice of doing good or bad. When a person chooses "good" – as defined by God – he is able to draw close to God. In other words, every individual has a chance to "gain salvation" through his own actions.

My understanding of Christianity, however, is that the Original Sin has infected all of mankind to the point where individuals are incapable of achieving salvation through their own initiative. Man is "totally depraved" and therefore his only hope of salvation is through the cross.

This belief is contrary to the teachings of Judaism. From the Torah perspective, an individual does not need to rely on anyone else to atone for them. In Judaism, sins can be "erased" altogether by sincere repentance and a firm resolution never to repeat the mistakes.

For more on this, read "Their Hollow Inheritances" by Michael Drazin – www.drazin.com

Yahrtzeit of Moses in 1273 BCE (Jewish year 2488), on the same day of his birth 120 years earlier. (Consequently, "May you live to 120" has become a common Jewish blessing.) Moses was born in Egypt at a time when Pharaoh had decreed that all Jewish baby boys be drowned in the Nile River. His mother set him afloat in a reed basket, where he was -- most ironically -- discovered by Pharaoh's daughter and brought to Pharaoh's palace to be raised. When Moses matured, his heart turned to aid the Jewish people; he killed an Egyptian who was beating a Jew, and he fled to Midian where he married and had two sons. God spoke to Moses at the Burning Bush, instructing him to return to Egypt and persuade Pharaoh to "let My people go." Moses led the Jews through the ten plagues, the Exodus, and the splitting of the Red Sea. Seven weeks later, the Jews arrived at Mount Sinai and received the Torah, the only time in human history that an entire nation experienced Divine revelation. Over the next 40 years, Moses led the Jews through wanderings in the desert, and supervised construction of the Tabernacle. Moses died before being allowed to enter the promised Land of Israel. He is regarded as the greatest prophet of all time.

Lack of gratitude is at the root of discontent. In order to be consistently serene, we must master the attribute of being grateful to the Creator for all His gifts. As the Torah (Deuteronomy 26:11) states, "Rejoice with all the good the Almighty has given you." This does not negate our wanting more. But it does mean that we have a constant feeling of gratitude since as long as we are alive, we always have a list of things for which to be grateful.

[Just before Moses' death] God said to him, "This is the Land that I promised to Abraham, to Isaac, and to Jacob" (Deuteronomy 34:4).

The Midrash says that Moses pleaded to live long enough to be able to enter the Promised Land. He surrendered his soul only after God instructed him to enter Heaven and inform the Patriarchs that the Israelites had come to their Land and that God had indeed fulfilled His promise to give the Land of Israel to their descendants. To fulfill God's will was dearer to Moses than his craving to enter the Land.

It is only natural to cling to life, and the thought of leaving this world is depressing. However, if a person develops the attitude that he lives only in order to fulfill God's will, then life and death are no longer polar opposites, because he lives to do the will of God, and when that will requires that he leave this world, he will be equally obedient.

The seventh day of Adar is the anniversary of Moses' death. He wanted to enter the Promised Land so that he could fulfill the commandments and thereby have a new opportunity to fulfill the Divine wish. He surrendered his soul willingly when he was told that there was a special commandment for him to perform, one that could only be achieved after leaving this earth.

We refer to Moses as Rabbeinu, our teacher. He not only taught us didactically, but by means of everything he did in his life - and by his death, as well.

Today I shall...

try to dedicate my life to fulfilling the will of God, so that even when that will contradicts my personal desires, I can accept it with serenity.

With stories and insights,
Rabbi Twerski's new book Twerski on Machzor makes Rosh Hashanah prayers more meaningful. Click here to order...