“One of the most important contributions to the study of American history that I have ever experienced.”

—-Henry Louis Gates Jr., director of the W.E.B. Du Bois Institute for African American Research

“David Pilgrim makes a vital contribution to help us understand the grotesque depths of the psychological and cultural war of anti-Black racism throughout the Jim Crow era. In our quest to build powerful multiracial grassroots movements for collective liberation, Pilgrim’s book is a tool to help decolonize our minds, attack anti-Black racism in all of its forms, and create a multiracial democracy with economic justice for all.”

“Report from Planet Midnight” takes on race and racism in literature. In “Message in a Bottle,” an American Indian who doesn’t like children is befriended by a strange four-year-old, who seems wise beyond her years.

“A genuine vitality and generosity…one of the more important and original voices in SF.” —-Publishers Weekly

This story is simply and humbly told, it strips bare the economic and social injustices inherent in our society, while continuing to be a powerful literary testimony to our own strength and capacity to overcome.

Poet Derrick Weston Brown channels hip-hop, Toni Morrison, and Snagglepuss to make way for the shudder and eruption of wisdom.

“We need more songs like this young man’s right here. Truth cuts its way beneath the unspoken like new teeth on their way to light. Son of Langston, come on through.”
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Angela Davis talks about the history of slavery, the struggles for freedom, and their implications for life in the U.S. today in a speech given on the 200th anniversary of the abolition of the slave trade.

Jena, LA – In a small town in Louisiana, six families are fighting for their sons’ lives.

Two nooses are left as a warning to black students trying to integrate their playground, fights break out across town, a white man pulls a shotgun on black students, someone burns down most of the school, the DA puts six black students on trial for attempted murder,and the quiet town of Jena becomes the site of the largest civil rights demonstration in the South since the 1960s.

The 5th Inning is poet and literary activist E. Ethelbert Miller’s second memoir.

“Ethelbert Miller brings an accomplished poet’s stunning language to this important memoir, and no one writes more eloquently about the lives – the triumphs and dilemmas – of black American men than he does.”
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“Phillips writes some of the most earnest and engaging crime noir currently being written.” —-Spinetingler

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Join Arizona’s Children Association, in partnership with Odyssey Storytelling, for Arizona’s Children Association, a fundraising event benefiting Southern Arizona children and families. The event will incorporate testimonials including:

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All of the testimonials will be told from the life experiences of the storytellers, curated by Odyssey Storytelling founder Penelope Starr and emceed by Alan Michaels. Hors d’oeuvres catered by Doug Levy at Feast.

(Warning: the audience should be forewarned that there will be smoke on stage during the first scene: panic should be on stage and not in audience.)

SCENE: Colin’s cubby occupies a prominent back corner. Colin’s supervisor has a small office with a door that can be closed. Other cubbies are suggested. Most of the stage is an open space where action can be presented with minimal props and scenery.

AT RISE: Colin’s supervisor enters and addresses audience.

Supervisor
I’m sympathetic to Colin because I’m his supervisor. It comes with the territory. Yes, I’m sympathetic. As sympathetic as I can be. But I can’t allow myself to get too enmeshed. It interferes with my… Well, let’s just say it’s not good for me.
(A school bell rings: first bell.)
And it takes a toll after a while. Because I’ve been there. I was an investigator, once. You can see it when they come in here after…well, they come to work with less enthusiasm than they did at first. And there are those times when you know they were blown away by something, blown away by something out there, blown away with … well, with the job. You can see it coming…in the way they approach you and you dread having to hear it. I’ve lost some…too many good workers. They come back jittery … shaking … jittery over something un…it’s always hard, so we sometimes joke about it…black humor…and people don’t understand…our humor…we talk about it among ourselves in a funny way…unspeakable things, knowing that they will have to write a report about it and later testify about it in court. You know they hate testifying … hate it. They hate getting up on the witness stand. They can’t leave out details. As much as they’d like to, they can’t. They can’t forget anything and have to use exact words… exact words of children, word for word. They can’t sugarcoat it either … sugarcoat with some adult word like “intercourse” because it’s not intercourse. It’s never intercourse. Never. No. It never is. It may be rape. But you can’t call it rape…can’t use that word either because it’s too prejudicial. You have to use exact words. You can’t be prejudicial when a scumbag raped a child, when a father raped a child, and you can’t say he or she raped a child because it’s prejudicial … prejudicial … the word rape in your report or on the stand you can’t because it’s prejudicial. So you’ve got to…excuse me. You have to use exact words. Your hands sweat. You squirm. It’s not a good sign.

(Amy runs in. She is fifteen, ugly and huge. She is frantic. She runs across front of stage. She has a box cutter.)

Colin
(Offstage voice)
Amy!

Supervisor
That’s Colin … Colin Rogers. I’m his supervisor. He and I have an understanding. He knows he can come to me any time. I keep an open door as a policy for all my workers. You can see how it pays because I have less turn over than any other supervisor in the district. It’s tough…having to listen. I’ve had to train myself to listen. And you get caught up in cases and you can’t get them out of your brain and like a recording stuck in a groove sometimes you can’t sleep … sleep at night. And you can’t help it. And you can’t stop it. The recording. It’s a hazard. What are you going to do! The same words over and over and over again. You see I do sympathize. But I have to function, or else. You keep looking for support, and unfortunately there’s none down from the top. And things seem to be getting worse, instead of better. Cases pile up. And workers go. And you have to start over, and when you have to start going out on cases yourself, you’re sunk. Now what’s the right word? Sanitize it. Sanitize it! Okay, we all sanitize from time to time. Shit! Pardon me. Look, I’ve been there and done that, so I sympathize with Colin. I sympathize with all my workers.
(Amy ambles across the stage and cuts herself with the box cutter. She is calm and seems to enjoy pain)
That’s Amy, Colin’s daughter.

Martha
(Offstage voice)
Not my Amy!

Supervisor
That’s Martha, Colin’s wife.
(Frantic, Amy runs back across the stage and disappears somewhere.)
Colin sets high standards for himself. He’s my veteran worker. You can see it in how he tackles cases. You know he’ll do a good job, so I give him the hardest cases. I know it may not be fair. I know he will do a good job. I know he will do his best. He’s always running. He’s constantly running. He works too hard. You can feel his intensity. I could feel it today. He’s on a roll. He comes in here like gangbusters and pushes himself harder. Once he’s on a case he won’t stop until he’s talked to everyone and put all pieces together. You can only hope he’s taking care of himself. I’m constantly after him to take breaks. To use all his vacation time. To listen to his wife and pay attention to his kid. At some point you have to close your ears. Sometimes you’ve done all you can do, and even if it’s not enough, you have to…stick your fingers in your ears. You’ve done all you can do. You can’t save the world.

(Amy sets a fire offstage. A fire alarm is heard, and a small amount of smoke is seen. This time Amy runs on stage with principal in pursuit.)

Principal
Amy, stop! Stop! I’m calling the police!

Amy
Fuck you! Who cares!

(Amy runs off and principal follows her discouraged. Smoke dissipates.)

Martha
(Appearing on the side of stage)
There’s something very wrong, and I feel it. Amy, I went searching and then found a note in your room. Amy! My poor baby. She’s always been a sensitive child.

(Amy runs back in. This time she has a butcher knife and a red bandana. This time she is frantic. She removes her belt and uses it as a tourniquet around her arm. She lowers her pants and is wearing boxer shorts. She ties butcher knife to her leg with bandana. She then pulls her pants up and runs offstage.)

Principal
(Speaking to a policeman.)
Her name is Amy Rogers. I’m sure she was the one who set fire in the restroom. Right now we don’t know where she is. I chased her and should’ve known better. I told her I was calling the police … I told her, and I shouldn’t have done it. I should’ve known better. And before that she was seen with a box cutter, and someone should’ve told me then. And as you know she would’ve been suspended right then, and we wouldn’t be talking about a fire now, but it’s easy with hindsight to should’ve should’ve, should’ve out should’ve should’ves, when she was known as a cutter. And I’ve been around long enough to know that problems don’t go away, and when we overlook them, then we have something like this happen.

Policeman
What does she look like?

Principal
She’s a huge girl. She looks like a boy. I really wish parents would get more involved. We shouldn’t have to do everything for children at school. And I’m not sure we’ll live long enough to fix all problems.

Policeman
How tall?

Principal
5’9” maybe. Blond hair. I’m not sure it’s natural. Parents!

Policeman
Length? Hair length?

Principal
Butch cut. I told you she dresses like a boy. Her father works for CPS. You’d probably recognize him. That reminds me: I need to call her parents.

(While the principal places a call and the policeman gives a sketchy description over a hand-held radio, another policeman catches Amy by the belt around her arm.)

Amy
Oooow!

(Amy is furious and out of control. The policeman drops the belt and grabs her arm. He’s trained; she’s not. At the same time, Martha begins to cry..)

Martha
(Crying while reading Amy’s note)
“Don’t be sad. I’m going to a better place where I won’t have worries and I can’t get into trouble. Won’t it be nice? Nice and…. Thank you both for everything. And when you decide to come, or it’s decided for you, I’LL BE WAITING. But take you time. There’s no hurry. Love, Amy.”

(Martha then hears telephone ring and answers it off stage. Shortly thereafter, Amy is brought into principal’s office.)

Principal
Amy, calm down!
(She kicks policeman and spits in his face. He automatically twists her arm behind her back and brings her to her knees. She’s a strong girl.)

Policeman
I wish you hadn’t made me do that.
(With her on her knees, he cuffs her.)
I’m sorry if it’s too tight. Dang it! My mistake!
(Amy is still fighting.)

(Amy glares at him. When he has finally restrained her, the policeman frisks Amy and finds box cutter and butcher knife. He has been rougher with her than he intended.)

Principal
What’s wrong, Amy? We can’t help you, unless you tell us what’s wrong. You’re going to be in bad shape if you don’t let us help you. In school. You don’t bring weapons to school. In school. You know it. You don’t set fires. We don’t allow those things. And you know it. We don’t, and you know it. So why have you gotten yourself in all this trouble, Amy? What’s going on? I know your father and mother are coming. I called them. They’re on their way, and I’ll have to suspend you. They won’t like it. And arrested. And you’ll be arrested. It’s up to police really. But why? We can wait you out. The police will take you away after your parents get here. I don’t care how long it takes. You’ve already ruined my day. Here you have a box cutter, a butcher knife, and you set a bathroom on fire. Do you know what that means? It means a cell and school … still school. You can’t get out of school. This should teach you something. Won’t miss school, if it’s what you wanted? So what have you lost? You’ve lost freedom, all because of this stupid stunt. So what are you going to get out of it? Loss of freedom! What else? My guess is you haven’t thought that far ahead. That you’re making it up as you go. You don’t seem like you’re listening to me. You’re not saying anything. Okay, you’re not talking. It’s okay that you’re not talking. It’s no skin off my nose. In fact, it’ll make my life easier…when they cart you away. You spat on the officer and for that I should put you over my knee and spanked you. But I’m not allowed to do it. I’m not allowed to touch you except to restrain you and keep you from hurting yourself or someone else. Those are the rules, and I believe in following rules, but you obviously don’t. I guess this all comes down to you thinking that you’re tougher than anyone else, but you’re not as tough as you think you are. And you’re about to find it out. I just hope you learn something from it.

II
(In his cubby, Colin sits in front of a computer with a bulky screen. A shelf above him is filled with equally bulky manuals. A standard desk and chair with a modern lamp and telephone barely fit in cubby.)

Supervisor
Stuck him in a corner because Colin’s voice carries, especially when he’s on a telephone. Other workers complained so I had to put him in a corner. You can hear him anyway, and sometimes people leave the building because of it.
(She comes out of her office with a six-sided folder; she looks business-like, as she tries to maintain her professionalism.)
They all have a heavy caseload. And we can’t control what comes in. The world would have to change for things to change. For one day…wouldn’t it be wonderful? One day without a new case. If they just stop coming in for one day. For once … for one day everybody gets along. No fighting. No abuse. No child abuse. No molestation. And for us, it includes touching. It includes bruises. It includes broken arms. It includes death. Then we could go home because every child went to school happy. And every child went home happy. And we’d be out of a job. Great day … out of a job. For one day out of a job, but that’s not realistic.
(She goes to Colin’s cubby and sticks her nose in.)
Do you have court today?

Colin
Yeah. One o’clock.

Supervisor
(Handing him a file)
I hate to do this to you.

Colin
What do you have?

Supervisor
How often lately have you had to go to a hospital and we have a newborn of a homeless mother? Mother addicted to something. Baby jaundiced. Mother isolated because of lice. You know the rest. The hospital is concerned about this or that, and we’re supposed to sort it out. Out there somewhere there must be a day, a single day, with a long white beach, palm trees, and gentle breezes.

Colin
Thinking of Florida and your vacation?

Supervisor
Yeah. Thinking I need one…if just for a day.
(Colin’s telephone rings.)
More business, I suspect. Be sure to breathe now.

(As she goes back to her office, he answers telephone. He holds telephone receiver between his shoulder and his ear, so that he can read about his new case while he’s talking.)

Colin
Amy? Wait a second. Let me get rid of this guy.
(Back on telephone.)
I never accused you of being a predator. I would never do it. Would you hold for a moment, please! I have another caller.
(Turns back Martha.)
Amy?

Martha
Yes, her school called. Well, she…she… Oh, my God!

Colin
What happened? She did what? Honey, calm down! I didn’t mean… Give me a moment.
(Back on the telephone.)
Could you please call me back in a few minutes. No? You bastard! No, I didn’t call you a bastard. And I didn’t call you a predator. I would never do it. And I never discuss cases over the telephone. No! You say you were convicted of molestation in June of 1996. And you’re not a predator. Again I didn’t call you a predator. I would never…
(He grabs a pen and a progress notepad and begins recording what the caller is saying by scribbling as fast as he can.)
Convicted of child molestation in June of 1996. And went to prison…in what state? California…and Florida…in Florida and California…convicted and you’re not a predator. No, I didn’t call you a predator. No, I wouldn’t…those were your words. You need to slow down. Yes, I know you’re angry. I can hear you’re angry. Wait! Wait! You’re angry…getting angrier.
(Martha has become angrier and angrier until she can’t stand there any longer; at which point she storms out the office.)
In California in 1996…and Florida when…never convicted in Florida, only accused there of… okay. For the record, I’ve written down what you told me. And for the record, I never called you a predator. You still claim you were innocent? Innocent! He hung up! And Martha’s gone.

(Colin thinks about running after his wife and would’ve had his supervisor not stopped him. She has another new case for him.)

Supervisor
I know I just gave you one…what’s the matter?

Colin
Didn’t you see Martha? I don’t know. Something about Amy. At school. Did you see Martha?

Supervisor
No.

Colin
She was here. Now she’s gone.

Supervisor
Go! Go!

Colin
No. She shouldn’t have run off. Martha should’ve … What’s up?

Martha
After losing two husbands, I should know. Better find out what’s going on. Take the rest the day off.

Colin
No, she should’ve been more patient. She’s an adult and should act like one. She’s resourceful and can take care of whatever is going on with Amy. Anyway Amy should be in school. I’ll call her school later. Now tell me what you got for me. But remember I have court at one o’clock.

Supervisor
Okay. It’s up to you. I really hate doing this to you.

Colin
If you say that one more time, I’m going to … No.
(Indicating the six-sided folder)
Now let me have it.

Supervisor
Okay. Better call the social worker before things get stupid at the hospital.

(While the supervisor retreats to her office, Colin picks up telephone but decides not to call. He begins reading new report but can’t concentrate. Finally, he wrestles a heavy phone book out of his bottom desk drawer and tears through pages.)

Colin
Carrillo Middle School. Here it is! 777-0707.
(He dials numbers.)
Carrillo Middle School? Counselor’s office, please. Hello, I’m Mr. Colin Rogers. I believe my daughter…Amy Rogers… The principal is handling it? Then I want to speak to the principal. That’s impossible? Why is it impossible? Then you tell me what’s going on. You can’t tell me over the telephone? I’ll come…no, but… I think my wife…I think she’s on the way. If I know her, she’s almost there. She’ll be there shortly … shortly. She should be walking into your office in a few minutes. Have her give me a call, as soon as she gets there, please. Have her call immediately … immediately. On my cell phone, please. Yes, she knows the number.

(After he hangs up, he closes his eyes, bites his lip, and shakes his head, all before he stuffs the new report into a briefcase filled with brochures and forms. But before he can leave the office, his supervisor catches him.)

Supervisor
I’m sorry, Colin. Another emergency. Say so if you can’t.
(Colin nods and swallows.)
I hate to do this to you. Are you sure?
(Colin nods and blinks.)
Sgt. Molina just called me. She told me that she didn’t have a detective right now and for us to work a case.

Colin
I may take an extended lunch hour today.

Supervisor
Take it. But don’t forget court.

Colin
Yeah. One o’clock. I’ll be there.

III
(Scene: small office space at Carrillo Middle School. Cuffed, Amy sits in a chair with her head bowed. Principal and police officer face her.)

Principal
Amy! What’s going on?

Amy
Don’t touch me.

Police Officer
What in hell did you intend to…?

Amy
Leave me alone.

(Amy tries to bolt and has to be placed back into the chair by the two men.)

Police Officer
I’m growing tired of you and your dang attitude. And you, dang you are going to sit there. Your mother is here, and, oh yes, we will.

Principal
Amy, I want to help you. Sometimes…sometimes in life….

(Amy attempts to stand up again, and when the two men try to place her back in the chair, the chair and the girl tip over.)

Police Officer
Right now you can either make it easy or difficult … difficult or easy for yourself. Understand? So far … so far you’ve chosen to make your life difficult.

Amy
Faggot! Queer! Fucking queer!

Principal
Amy!

Police Officer
(As he picks up the chair)
What’s that again?

Amy
Queer! Faggot. Fuck you!

(She slowly stands, and before she finally sits down in the chair Amy squares off with her fists clinched.)

Officer
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words go in one ear and out the other.
You think perhaps you’re tough, but young lady, you’re not as tough as you think you are. And you’re not very smart. You should already be on your way to Juvi, except… we know your dad; and your mom’s here.

Principal
Amy, I’ve been at this for a very long time, and some think way too long, but I know a thing or two. I may not have seen it all, but I’ve seen quite a bit. But what you did today, I must say…I must say it was wrong…dead wrong. But here in Carrillo Middle School we expect our students to excel, not. It was wrong. Luckily the school didn’t burn down, and you didn’t kill anyone or kill yourself, but it’s our failure that makes this serious. We’ve failed you. In some way we have, or else you wouldn’t have…I don’t get it.
(Amy glares at him.)
Anyhow, your mother is out there waiting, and according to the law, we had to notify CPS.

Amy
Fuck CPS!

Principal
(Throwing up his hands, and then:)
This is not about CPS.

Police Officer
I think we’ve hit a nerve. I wonder if it’s progress. Never liked kids. Can’t do to them what you can do to adults, and it always means more trouble.

Principal
It’s tough.

Officer
It sure is. Something’s wrong with the system, and you can’t do anything about it.

Amy
Faggots! Queers! Fuck you both!

Officer
See.

Amy
You talk about kids, and you’re not serious about it. My dad talks about kids all the time. He says he cares about kids, but…but…if he really cared about kids, he wouldn’t hurt me.
But he’s got this job and this personality complex that keeps him on the run all the time. He’s the one that you should arrest! Not me! Not me!

Principal
And what about your mom?

Amy
She’s sitting outside. It’s what you said, and it’s what I expected. What I expect. She has to do everything.

IV

(Scene: In nurse’s office at Little Town Middle School, a forensic police photographer is measuring and photographing fresh belt marks all up and down fifteen-year-old Sunshine’s back.)

Officer
There’s no call for this. Nasty. Seen many things in my life, but this….
(He sighs. Colin continues to listen.)
I’ve got the cutest granddaughter. I don’t see how anyone could ever….

(Then as they wait for photographer to finish and leave, Colin rubs his forehead with his hands.)

Officer
Having a bad day?

Colin
There has to be an easier way to earn a living.

Officer
I agree. But someone has to do it.

Colin
Unfortunately. You take the lead. Why don’t you have her sit in the chair. I’ll stand over here.
(At this point, the police officer assumes lead by arranging an interview
space. He has Sunshine sit in chair and sits in front of her. Then Colin says to himself again:)
There are goddamn easier ways of making a living. And you…goddamn you…are going to make it up to Martha. And Amy, what has she done now?

Officer
Honey, you’re not in trouble, and you haven’t done anything wrong. We’re here to help you. Okay? Okay.
(Colin now appears more or less distracted. He, however, takes extensive notes. He has several spare pens in case one fails him. Throughout, he struggles to maintain his professionalism, which is a struggle he eventually loses.)
Okay.
(Before taking from his shirt pocket a small-ring notebook and a pen, the officer points to Colin.)
The fellow in the corner is a nice man. He won’t hurt you. He works for CPS. Do you know about CPS? Child Protective Services. I’ve asked him to come today to help me. Are you thirsty? Thirsty. She’s thirsty.
(Colin takes cue and leaves room to fetch a cup of water.)
Yeah, none of us are happy about being here today. None of us are happy about you getting hurt. Sunshine. That’s a pretty name. Do you know what I do?
(She nods, as Colin comes back in the room with a cup of water and hands it to her.)
I just introduced myself. It’s all on tape. And for the record, Colin Rogers with CPS left the room momentarily and returned with a cup of water for Sunshine. Sunshine, that’s correct, right? Now, we’re off to a good start. Now Sunshine I’m not buying the story you told your teacher. We would all be happy with your story if it made sense, and if it explained bruises up and down your back. They look like belt marks to me. Who did this to you?

(Silence.)

Colin (To himself again.)
How do I stop this without…

Sunshine
I got a whippin’. I deserved it. I…I…I don’t want you to arrest my mama.

Colin (Again to himself)
There’s no call for this. The girl is obviously afraid. Besides he’s leading her. and I think… At this rate, he won’t get what we need to hold the child, much less a prosecution. And I ‘m sitting here watching this guy blotch a case while Amy…while my Amy…while she’s sitting in the principal’s office because…because…
(Re-engaging.)
Listen, I think we could use a break here. No, no wait. Look honey…
(To himself again.)
I can’t tell her everything is going to be all right. Can’t lie to her.

Officer
Did your daddy?

Colin
Stop. Please stop. I’m sorry, but there are things.

Officer
Then your mama…?

Sunshine
Don’t…don’t…don’t…she… Daddy’s mean. Mama luvs us.

Officer
Yes, but did she do that to you? Who spanked you?

Sunshine
Mama.

(The officer pulls his chair closer to her and writes a few notes in a notepad.)

Officer
What’s your mama’s name?

(No response.)

Colin
(Thinking)
Colin Rogers. Guilty. Part-time dad. Part-time husband. Full-time CPS Investigator. Demanding job and indeed hard on my family. But it can’t be helped. Especially given kind of cases that land on my desk, such as the one I now have involving a little girl named Sunshine. It’s taking a toll. How could it not?

Officer
Okay. Uh…uh…then where do you live?

Sunshine
Don’t live no where. Sta…sta…stayin’ in a campground ‘til daddy finds a house. Only thing missin’ a telephone. So mama goes to Seven-Eleven when she needs to make a call.

Officer
Okay.

Sunshine
Sometimes she leaves us alone with daddy. My sister and me. My sister don’t go to school. She’s too young. I sometimes take care of my sister. I’m old enough. Ain’t nothing I can’t do about it, and daddy’s right: I’m his big girl. That’s because I am, and daddy says so.

Officer
You love your daddy, don’t you? I can see you love him.

Colin
(Thinking)
Damnit, what does that have to do with anything? Dads who love their children often also do terrible things to them. First I can’t seem like I’m taking over because it will be on tape. I can’t make it seem like this dingbat doesn’t know what he’s doing. I’ve got to go slow, which breaks my heart ‘cause he’s a dingbat, but police are supposed to take the lead ‘cause their burden of proof is higher.

Sunshine
Man, sometimes you can’t please daddy. Well, sometimes he gets real mad, and with his temper, you never know what he’s goin’ to do.

Officer
(Looking at Colin.)
Okay. Well, what did you do to deserve a whipping?
(No response.)
Honey, you know you gotta obey your parents.

Sunshine
I bey them.

Colin
(Thinking)
While it’s true that it’s not against the law to spank your kids, and, indeed, one of the most important things a parent must do is discipline them. Without discipline, parents lose control and kids take advantage and run wild and get taken to principal’s office, and their parents are called. What did Amy do this time? I should’ve gone with Martha. But no should’ves, shouldn’t should’ve.

Sunshine
You aimin’ to put my daddy in jail when he didn’t…didn’t hurt me. You’re goin’ to bring up charges, or something.

Colin
Wait a minute.
(Taking the lead)
We’re not here to arrest anybody. We’re here to protect you.
(Sunshine hangs her head and slowly nods.)
Sometimes I know it’s hard to do. We have to get it right, and be fair to everybody, and it sometimes seems like we’re…well, like we don’t care, but we do. And it’s hard. And we can’t get anywhere unless the child…that’s you…tells us what happened. And we know something happened because of marks up and down your back.

Sunshine
Yeah man. You want me to say he beats me. You want me to lie and say he did.
(Colin slowly begins moving forward, dragging a chair behind him.)
Okay. They beat me. Now can I go back to class?

Colin
So they beat you. Tell me about it. Start at the beginning.

Sunshine
Are you writing it down?

Colin
No, we’re taping it.

Sunshine
So it’s for the tape.

Colin
May I continue then?
(She nods.)
Sunshine, are you afraid to go home?

Sunshine
No. NO!

Colin
Afraid of what might happen?
(No response)
You’re not going to get another whipping.
(No response.)
Please…please start at the beginning.
(He squeezes his lower lip with his fingers.)
You said you have a little sister. What’s her name?

Sunshine
Amber. She…she…she don’t git…hit. I’ve…I’ve…ve got to git home to take care of Amber.

Colin
Tell me about Amber.

Sunshine
The two of us sleep on the floor. She don’t never get in the bed with… I don’t let her.
(Colin closes eyes and grimaces.)
No, I don’t. Amber goes outside to play and don’t know nothin’ about…about stayin’ clean. You’ve got no business askin’ ‘bout…bout Amber. She don’t git hit.

Colin
I know…

Sunshine
Nobody hurts Amber. No they don’t. I make sure of it.

Colin
(Turning and facing audience and speaking as if he were testifying in court.)
Yes sir, that’s what she said. Her dad got upset because she tracked mud inside the bus.

Sunshine
(Standing up and, with her hands on her hips, she imitates her mother.)
Don’t go playin’ in mud. Or runnin’ outside with your diaper full of poop. No, no, no! Don’t know better than to stay out of street… street. No, no, no! Stupid, stupid, stupid. Bitch!

Colin
Yes sir, those were her words … her exact words. Well, I knew right away that there was more than physical abuse. We had bruises up and down her back, and the court has seen pictures and knows they were severe. Why we had enough then to remove the children. I knew it was sexual abuse because I’ve been at this for a long time … a very long time. Yes sir, she was believable. Because of details she gave, I knew she was telling the truth. Kids can’t be as specific as she was unless it happened to them.

Colin
Tell me all about it. Well, Your Honor, I certainly knew what she was talking about. And listen, Your Honor, if there’s a CPS investigator whose judgement that can be relied on when it comes to sex abuse I’m one. I think you know you can rely on my testimony.

Sunshine
Well, you know. primin’ the pump.
(She demonstrates in and out, in and out with her hands. Colin now buries his face in his hands, which he would never do on the witness stand.)
Daddy…daddy man! Mama cain’t git out bed. Most of the time, Mama’s coughin’ and they stay in bed and Mama’s cryin’. They stay in bed and Mama’s eatin’. They stay in bed… Daddy yells”keep your mouth shut!” And I know when to keep it shut. I’m his big girl.
(She starts crying.)
And they nurse their beer and git happy and friends come over and barbecue out the kazoo.
Yells: oo, me, man, does he git mad! MOVE OUT! ALL OF YOUS! See me, little miss tit…tit tease, Daddy. If Daddy sees you lookin’, he’ll git jealous. Big tits…titty…titty teazz. Sassy ass…ass. See! Daddy says I’m a tease and my…my ass is nice. Daddy gits jealous over nuthin’. Nuthin’. My skirt is either…either too short or too…too long ‘cept he likes me in shorts, short shorts. So I look ugly for him. Sure we…we…we talk about boys and…and…and he tells me he’s teaching me so that I’ll know what to do on my weddin’ night. Daddy tells me I’m too purty. He hits me ‘cause I’m too purty. He hates me ‘cause I’m too purty…drunk…drunk, and he beats, beats me, beats me like he does

(During the last of this speech, Colin walks past her, as if he walked through her. His face changes from an uneasy expression to one of horror. He gets as far away from her as he possibly can and falls apart.)

V
(Scene: At Summerset hospital, Martha and Amy are sitting opposite each other.)

Amy
Where’s dad?

Martha
He’d be here, if he could.

Amy
Yeah!

Martha
I think I’m honest and really think he would be here if he could. He loves you Amy. There’s no doubt in my mind that he’d be here, if he could. I know he would. He had an emergency…an emergency…an emergency…several emergencies he had to take care of…all at once, so he’d be here if he could. Yes, ma’am, he loves you. The only thing is, dear, your poor daddy is overworked. I know he’s having a hard time with this.

Amy
Yeah! Yeah.

Martha
What’s your Social Security number dear? They require your Social Security number. Oh, I know I haven’t been as good a mother as I should be. been. I’m not always there. It hasn’t been easy with your dad…

Amy
I don’t want to be here.

Martha
I’m damn glad that you’re getting help you need. I started thinking that you wouldn’t when they started talking about arresting you, with all you did and all the trouble you caused them and all. But after I showed them your letter they decided to put you in the hospital. What did you mean….

Amy
Damn you mother!

Matha
Pumpki, why? I don’t know whether to hug you or…

Amy
Or what mother? Don’t you know that you’re not supposed to hit kids? You and dad should know, if anyone would…especially dad. I hate him. No, I don’t quite hate him. I don’t know. I haven’t decided yet. I’ll make it up to you, if you let me out of here.

Martha
It’s not up to me.

Amy
That’s not true.

Martha
You may be right. I had to sign you in, but they would’ve put you in jail if I hadn’t.

Amy
Jail or here? I prefer jail. I’m not mental. Maybe it’s hormonal. If you need an explanation, here’s one. Tell dad it’s hormonal. I’d like to see his face when you tell him…see his face when I’m sure he thinks he has it all figured out…he thinks he knows everything…when he’s not here when he’s supposed to be. I was planning to kill myself, had a plan, and planned to do some damage first. And had balls to do it too. That much you’ve got to give me credit for. I had balls, balls, mom! And I have my period.

Martha
Oh! Amy, why can’t you be more ladylike? They would’ve taken you to jail all right if I hadn’t insisted that you didn’t belong there. And you wouldn’t get treatment you need.

Amy
Here, I could kill someone.

Martha
Amy! You scare me. You just saying stuff to scare me. You better stop.

Amy
Damn. I didn’t want to go to school. If I actually hadn’t gone to school, I wouldn’t be in trouble now. I would be dead. It was only a tiny fire.

Martha
Only a tiny fire? Now get that out of your head. Only a tiny fire. And cutting yourself wasn’t a big deal? A lot of things have come into my head, but I don’t…don’t mostly act on them. Amy, your dad and I love you.

Amy
Stop it mother! You talk too much. You blab all the time. The less you say the better. And yes, I cut myself. Then why do you think I cut myself? Have you asked yourself that question? And all while you two are bitching about my messy room. Listen, why do you think I wore long sleeves? I bet you hadn’t noticed that I’ve been wearing only long sleeves. And you never came close to catching me either. I guess you notice now. Anyhow I know that I’ve embarrassed you and dad, and I see you’re scratching your head.

VI
(A hound is heard barking in back yard. Colin enters his home and makes a beeline for refrigerator. He slaps together a Dagwood sandwich and uses a tray instead of a plate. With a cold beer and his sandwich, he staggers to couch, where he collapses and clicks on CNN. He ignores his sandwich, and consumes his beer; soon his head drops, and he falls to sleep.

Shortly thereafter, Martha enters home. Equally traumatized and exhausted, she does not wake her husband until she clicks off CNN. She follows her usual routine except for her this day has been anything but routine. Her face shows stress and strain of having endured a nightmare.)

Colin
And probably you had a hard day too, but I didn’t expect to find an empty home.

Martha
A while back, seems to me, you said you’d cut back your hours, so when did you get home?

Colin
A short while ago.

Martha
At least you didn’t lie about it. I tried to call you. How did court go?

Colin
Court? Oh, so-so. So, so. Temporary custody hearings usually go a certain way. So predictable that I generally don’t worry about them. I’m usually the only one who testifies, testify and tell the judge why I removed a child or children, justify, show it was justified, and it always is. I always win, but today it didn’t go my way. I guess I’m slipping. Maybe I’m not at top of my game, maybe. And this morning I had one of the most horrible sex abuse cases ever. h
(Martha doesn’t respond.)
Man! But man it wasn’t anything I couldn’t handle. Now I’ve got to write it all down in a report for the court, every word, so that I won’t lose this one.
(No response.)
You don’t care, do you? Well, thank you. Here I’ve had the worse sex abuse case I think I’ve ever had, and you don’t care. Thank you for it. Jesus! Almost really do wish I hadn’t taken it … the sex abuse case. Going in we didn’t know it was a sex abuse case. I could’ve said no …. not taken it. Said no. No, thank you. It would’ve been easier to have gone with you, but I knew, just knew that you could handle…take care of…well, how did it go?
(Still no response from Martha.)
I lost one. I thought I had enough. My supervisor thought we had enough. The AG thought we did, but judge didn’t. Right now those kids are with their parents who are going to hurt them again. By this time tomorrow. they’ll be yelled at, and then it will start over again. And then we’ll get another report, but it will be harder. It’s always harder second, third, and fourth time around, each time harder, because kids next time won’t tell us anything, and if they don’t we can’t protect them. They’ll know that if they keep their mouth shut we can’t take them away, and parents know it too. And they’ll live a long time in a bad situation, and when they grow up, they’ll blame us for it. Why, regardless, how bad it was, they will give their parents a pass and blame us. Can you believe it?

Martha
Colin!

Colin
Why then should we care? I’m getting too old for this. I need to retire or at least take a vacation, and it might be a good thing for all three of us. A little trip, see the Grand Canyon again. Might do it. Want to come along? Maybe Amy… Amy? Where’s Amy?

Martha
She’s in the hospital. Summerset Hospital.

Colin
Summerset Hospital? The children’s psychiatric hospital? Oh, my. Listen Martha, I’ll make it up to you. I’ll make it up to Amy. I know I’ve screwed up, screwed up big time. Lost a Temporary Custody Hearing, when I never lose them. And I have to get ready for another one in less than 48 hours. A horrible sex abuse case. Worse sex abuse case…

Martha
I don’t care.

Colin
Listen to her…you. She says…you say you don’t care. You don’t care, the world doesn’t care, case dismissed. So it doesn’t matter. But I’m sure glad Amy is in the hospital if she needs to be there. She must’ve pulled some stuff. I’m glad she had you…you to pull for her. She’ll pull through. I know she will. She’s one tough gal, but I’m damn glad that you were there for her.

Martha
Well, I’m going to bed. It was a tough day for me too.

Colin
I don’t know what I could’ve done. I think you deal with Amy better than I do. Martha, I couldn’t just…now you’re going to blame me. I know damn well that I’m not perfect. I know that I don’t always do my share. I’m sorry.
(Martha leaves the room without responding.
Take it good and easy. I’ll take my turn tomorrow. I promise. Have a good night.

(The hound is now howling.)

CURTAIN

Act Two

I
(Scene: the same as Act One. Martha hasn’t been able to sleep. Colin is still up and hasn’t moved from the Sofa.)

Colin
I’ve got see Amy. I’ve got to go see Amy. Summerset. Say, what do you think she needs? I’ll take my turn. I’ll take my turn, which I’m prepared to do.

Martha
Look, you should’ve thought of that sooner.

Colin
I know I should’ve, and I know I shouldn’t try to make excuses, but…but, but, but…but I might as well let you tell me.

Martha
What?

Colin
You know as well as me. We both know. I’m a social worker, remember? Let’s not do anything now that will make it worse than it is. Yesterday was crazy enough. It’s enough to make us all a little loco. What we need to do now is rally around Amy?
(Colin suddenly is off somewhere else.)
Her stepfather repeatedly molested Sunshine, and her mother knew. They live in a campground, and you could deduce that they haven’t lived there long. It is a known fact that molesters are often family members. This time the girl’s mother was totally dependent on molester and did her best not to upset him. All this I got from Sunshine.

Martha
Okay, I’ll cut you slack, but only because of Amy, because Amy needs you. Only you neglected to ask about her, and you’re an investigator. Aren’t you even curious? I bet you didn’t think about her for one second.

Colin

Bitch! Forgive me.

Martha
I see I hit a nerve. You’ve been getting worse and worse. I’m used to you neglecting me. But yesterday… Why didn’t you come? I kept waiting for you to come. You’re right about your daughter pulling stuff, or else she wouldn’t be in the hospital.

Colin
And it had to have been pretty serious.
(She exits)
Pretty serious sex abuse, or molestation, or whatever you call it, the only way to protect children from it is to remove victims from their homes. As a consequence, we don’t have enough foster placements and too often we have to separate siblings. Indeed, it’s never easy, and we get the brunt of it. Most CPS workers don’t last as long as I have.
(Now remembering what Sunshine told him)
“He has rough hands.” MARTHA! I didn’t mean to call you a bitch. Forgive me. It just came out. I’m sorry. Sorry. Sorry for everything.

(Martha comes back in: this time after having thrown a coat on, she is determined to leave.)

Martha
It really doesn’t help for you to carry on. Then you expect by saying you’re sorry that everything will be okay. Do you think I haven’t heard it before?

Colin
I know. I know. And now you’re leaving, and I understand why. I do. I really, really do. Amy in the hospital for pulling stuff, and I don’t seem to get it. I imagine, like you said, I neglected you and expected you to pick up slack with Amy when I wasn’t around, or I expected too much from you. It’s as if I don’t have enough to deal with, and all. But I’ll do better, Martha. I’ll figure it out, and do better, I swear.

Martha
Only thing is that you’ve said it before. I just had the worst day of my life, and you treat me like…like… like … bitch … you always do. I’m tired of it Colin. I need a break, a break from you.

Colin
A break? You need a break from me. A break, okay. I get it. But you don’t need to leave. Sure you need a break. We all do from time to time. But listen, I’ll leave. You stay. I’ll leave. I know you’d rather stay…if I’m not here. Look I have…I was planning…to…get up early…leave early…I know you don’t want to hear about it. Maybe you’ve heard enough.

Martha
You’re perceptive. Now go, if you’re going. If I’m staying, you’ll have to go.

Colin
We’re still friends, right? I couldn’t go on if I thought we weren’t…weren’t friends. To find herself in Summerset your gal must’ve really pulled some stuff. I know what it generally takes.

There are only three reasons…three reasons for an emergency placement, and those three are a danger to herself, a danger to others, and serious, serious psychotic behavior. It hardly fits that Amy was seriously psychotic because I saw her at breakfast. She seemed fine then, though she’s been acting weird lately, but nothing that would’ve led to hospitalizing her.

Martha
Well, I wouldn’t worry about it. She’s in good hands, and I was with her until I came home. So why don’t you leave.

Colin
Okay. I’m out of here. But …

Martha
Don’t make any promises you can’t keep, and get the hell out of here. Go to work!

(He reluctantly leaves.)

(Lights dim. Night, and Colin stands in pool of light. He has a police report rolled in his hands.)

Colin (To himself)
Thank you, Martha. Thank you. Thank you, Amy. It’s all I needed right now. Okay, stop self-pity.
(Walks)
Okay, we also removed Amber and gave a Temporary Custody Notice to girls’ parents. It went better than I expected. Now I have a little time. A little time? A lot of time…too much time … think. No, I can’t waste time. Man, I can’t waste it. I haven’t slept…need sleep…have a full day ahead. Getting too old. Slipping. Off my game.
(Under a street lamp, he attempts to read police report again.)
Lies! Truth! Truth is, I never laid a hand on Amy. Lying. I never touched her. I am a CPS investigator. I would never do it. I know better.
(He rolls report up again and swats lamppost with it.)
Children lie sometimes. No, shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! They should tell when they’re lying. I would know. Have them tell everything from start to finish. Shit! I would know. Proof in details. Details. Always in details. Kids make up stuff, but they can’t every detail. Specifics, details. They can’t make up that stuff unless … shit, shit, shit. Unless they know. Unless they’re a daughter of a CPS investigator who …. Shit, shit, shit. They can’t. They can’t. They can’t. Unless, maybe. It’s words, damn it. Words! Now Colin, think this through. And find out how hurtful your own family can be and how easy it is for a kid to make something up when she’s pissed at you, and what it feels like to be on the receiving end of lies. Damn lies! Damn lies. Damn lies. Shit! (Moving away from light.)
Well, I’ve got to see Amy. Why? Why? Why? Box cutter … butcher knife…why burn school down … why cut yourself? Why? Why? Colin, get hold of yourself. You’re losing it.

(During this, Martha has been crying. She is still home.)

Martha
Amy, what are we going to do? I don’t … don’t know. Don’t know now? You’ve hurt us. You’ve hurt your family. That’s what I wanted to talk to you about. What do you want? What do you want from your dad and me? What? I know you think we’re horrible. I know. I know. I don’t know. Box cutter, butcher knife, fire? Forget all that. I found your letter. Why? Why?

Colin
(Trudging up hill)
All right, I still have to carry on and do my work. First there’s a ninth grader who’s pregnant and needs glasses and can’t read and is surely neglected, and I’m supposed to figure out how. Messed up, living on caffeine…and it’s surely true that it’s better for you than tobacco. I’ve got to write a court report, but it doesn’t need to have details I normally put in court reports. There are other investigators who leave out … proof is in details. I know a lot of kids lie, and it hurts most is when you know they are lying…but you can always tell that they’re lying. Your Honor, I know she’s telling the truth. Shit! Damn it. You’ve got to believe me. Liar, liar, your pants are on fire. It’s my job to know. Shit! To ferret out truth. Shit! To be right 99% of the time. Shit! Because children get hurt or die if you’re not 99% sure. Shit. Right! Right away because if I don’t make the right call 100% of the time a child may get hurt again. All you’ve got to remember is that I’ve been doing this for a long time, a very long time … perhaps too long … and I’m one of the best CPS investigators around. I can say it without bragging: I’m one of the best and it helps to have experience and confidence. So…

(Inside hospital, Colin approaches reception desk as a social worker comes out of office.)

Social Worker
May I help you?

Colin
Yes. Child Protective Services.

Social Worker
Child Protective Services?
(Colin nods and shows his identification.)
What can I do for you?

Colin
Amy Rogers. Well, boy, I’ve made a mistake. I know what time it is. At this hour I know that I can’t see…see my daughter. Amy Roger’s my daughter. You see…I can’t seem to catch up and that’s why I’ve come now instead of earlier… You see I was…you don’t want to hear this…

Social Worker
Go ahead.

Colin
I know. I know. Normally I could get in by showing my ID, and since I was trying to catch up I couldn’t get here earlier. I know it’s late or early depending on your day, so damn, I’m Amy’s father and I’m concerned and need to know how she’s doing.

Social Worker
She’s sleeping. I’m sure at this hour she’s sleeping. You’ll have to …

Colin
I know it is late, but…or early, but…

Social Worker
But you can’t see her now. Come back in the morning. She needs her rest now.

Colin
Yes, I’ll come back later, early in morning. Wait! But you haven’t told me anything. Oh yes, I know you can’t tell me much but I need to know…how she’s doing? You can’t tell me. Then maybe you can get someone who can tell me…something.

Social Worker
You’re upset.

Colin
Mother, she can see I’m upset. Why wouldn’t I be upset? My daughter is in this hospital, and I want some fucking answers.

Social Worker
You should leave, Mr. Rogers. We have rules … hours … visiting hours. Come back tomorrow morning, and I’m sure doctors will answer all your questions.

Colin
Well, I know. I know you have rules. And I know you’re just doing your job, and there are certain things you can’t do. And I know I need to watch my mouth. Yes, mother I’ve got to control my temper. Yes, it’s true I’m not acting very professionally. I think I know you. I think we’ve worked cases together. The last two were…were serious, very serious. You know that yesterday I had the worse sex abuse case I’ve ever had, and today . . It’s true. And I know you’re interested. It was hard. Normally cases don’t get me. Normally, I’m professional, very professional. Just like you need to be professional, very professional. Oh, man. What do you suggest? No never mind. I know what I need to do. I can take care of this. Well, I know that you can tell me a few basic things…because I’m her father and came all this way and couldn’t get here sooner. You said she was sleeping. How do you know, know she’s sleeping? Will you check on her for me…as soon as I leave? Did she eat her supper? She’s usually a pretty good eater. Did she ask for me? I know her mother was here… You’re not going tell me, are you? You have rules, rules, rules, and you always follow rules, goddamn rules. Mother, you’re going to let her kick the hell out of her old man. And you’ll be able to go home in the morning satisfied with yourself because you followed rules and you’ll be able sleep because you kept me from seeing my daughter. One more thing, I hope you can really sleep. I’ve seen what it does to you if you don’t…don’t get enough sleep, what it does to you and your family because you’re a wreck, because you take your work home. You think about what you’re doing to me…think about it,
(Pointing a finger at her)
…and I hope you can sleep!

III
(Lights Dim. Still dark outside.)

Colin
(Wandering. Lost in thought.).
A removal is never easy, and it can easily turn south and, while people often think there has to be a better way, there isn’t. Look, I wouldn’t attempt it without taking police. Even with police, I’ve gotten hurt. Even with three police officers standing around me, I’ve had a mother attack me. She cut the top of my head with a ring and broke my glasses. And still somehow we got child away from her. So always take police with you. Yeah, it’s never easy. Well, the Monks weren’t happy to see me, and as I suspected removing Amber wasn’t easy, but boy I never expected Mr. Monk to call for police when I had police with me. It’s damn hard to have to face anger all the time, and yet if people aren’t angry when we come knocking we know something is wrong, really wrong. Yeah, it’s hard, and I try to do it a certain way so as not to traumatize children any more than necessary. All right, all right. It didn’t go as smoothly as it should have.
(Knocking)
Mrs. Monk! Mr. Monk! Mr. and Mrs. Monk!

Mrs. Monk
(Sticking her head out the door)
Who is it?

Colin
Colin Rogers. CPS.
(Thinking)
That’s all it takes sometimes, and it was all it took to set off Mr. Monk. He blocked door ready to take on an army. What else would you expect? It’s never easy, damn. The more you try to explain to parents…explain something that they’re incapable of comprehending because of what’s happening, the more traumatic it is for kids. So you get in and get out, as fast you can, and hope you won’t strain your back. There has to be a better way, but there isn’t. So our focus had to be on Amber
(To Mrs. Monk).
May I please talk to you both outside?
(To himself)
I knew that if I could get them outside, police could contain them while I snagged the girl. Snag? Well, maybe it’s not the best term to use.

Mr. Monk
(In the doorway)
Now what’s this?

Colin
CPS.

Mr. Monk
Stick it to you! You can’t come on my property without a warrant. I know my rights!

Colin
It went downhill from there. I’m damn glad I had police with me. Where’s Amber, sir?

Mr. Monk
What does Amber have to do with you?

Mrs. Monk
Where’s Sunshine?

Colin
It can get hairy.

Mrs. Monk
Where is she?

Colin
She’s safe. Where’s Amber?

Mr. Monk
Stop right there. Where’s your search warrant?

Colin
I don’t need…

Mr. Monk
I’m calling THE POLICE AND CHANNEL 9.

Police Officer
(Stepping up)
I am a police officer, so will you please co-operated with this man. He is CPS. And does have authority …

Colin
(As he gives Mr. Monk a Temporary Custody Notice for Amber and Sunshine.)
This could’ve been it. Please take this paper. And here is some material. It explains your rights. You have rights. Gives you a telephone number to request a hearing. And sign …

(Mrs. Monk begins screaming.)

Mr. Monk
(As he wads up notice and throws it down)
We’re not signing nothing!

Mrs. Monk
Kidnappers!

Mr. Monk
Nazis! CPS Nazis!

Colin
It may be the worse sex abuse I’ve ever had.

Mr. Monk
Nazis!

Colin
I wish that ended it. It took another two hours to find Amber and place the two kids. It doesn’t always take that long, and about half the time we can keep siblings together. A relative placement would be preferable, then a foster home, but too often we have to settle for a shelter. In this case, Sunshine went to a shelter, and her sister Amber was placed in a foster home. Listen, we do the best we can, and yesterday I also had to fit in a court hearing. Well, I guess it could’ve been worse. I’ve seen worse. worse places for children to live than in an old converted school bus. I didn’t have a problem with the bus. Converted school buses can be pretty nice. I’d like to have one.

(Colin’s supervisor appears and appears to take his side.)

Supervisor
We’ve all seen worse…worse places, and it doesn’t seem like it can be fixed.

Colin
And we have to traipse through garbage, and most the time it doesn’t kill us. Long as it’s not a meth lab. We never know what we’ll find, and sometimes police will go in with us and sometimes they won’t. And we don’t need a search warrant, when the police do, so we’re often on our own. Sometimes they have us go in for them. Depending on situation. I know it may be foolish but I’ve been in places where the police won’t go but I felt I had to. And the state says they can’t afford radios.

Supervise
Yeah. It was foolish of you, but I didn’t intend to say anything because I trust your judgement.

Colin
Yes, it’s a judgement call. And I’d be better off if I didn’t have to make those calls. But someone has to do it. Someone has to traipse through garbage, poopy Pampers, trash and beer cans. That was what it was at Robbers Crossing Camp Ground. Now you know as well as I do that there’s no sense worrying about catching something. If you worried about catching something, you’d be sick all the time. With dirt and roaches, it’s a wonder we don’t get sick more often. Imagine piles and piles of moldy, wet clothes. A grimy sheet in place of a door. It looked like wild dogs had a feast. We don’t get excited over lice anymore. And there wasn’t a safe place for kids to play. It makes us feel lucky.

Supervisor
That’s the way I feel too…lucky. Except for the grace of God. I’ve been meaning to tell you, Colin, that I’m lucky to have you on board.

Colin
Well, I could’ve gone into almost anything. And I chose CPS. But thinking back on it, I think CPS chose me. A few good men and women…no, this isn’t the Marines.

Supervisor
There aren’t many workers who have stuck with it as long you have. That proves… proves something.

Colin
What? What does it prove? That I’m a better husband, that I’m a better father, that I’m better than anyone else?

Supervisor
Relax. Relax.

Colin
(Now alone.)
Colin Rogers, CPS Investigator; the most this job can do is kill you. Colin Rogers, prime candidate for heart attack!
(Places himself in the hot seat.)
Not going to know it until it’s too late, and I’m not smart enough to prevent it. Martha a widow woman and Amy without a father: they have to know that I wouldn’t be doing this if…if I didn’t love them. They have to understand I…I love Martha. I love Amy. I damn do love them, love them more than anything else. Most people don’t realize how hard it is to juggle family and CPS. Yeah. All pressure we put on her… Set highest standards for her. Never expected more from Amy than her best…her mother and me. Still it’s not a given. Well, we made mistakes, her mother and me. I’ve made mistakes…everyone makes mistakes. Mistakes. Right. I’ve tried to be…but none of it seems to count, just trying doesn’t count. I would’ve been better off with an eight to five job. Then I could come home at a decent hour and…
(Laughing)
and read the newspaper and mow the lawn. But it won’t matter in the long run… won’t matter after we’re dead. I know there are those who disagree and say it does matter. I had a case that blew me away…a horrible sex abuse case…a teenage by the name of Sunshine. Her father… bastard…could’ve…wouldn’t…should be…should be…be hanged, while some will surely say hanging is too good for him. Hanging is too good for him. Sex abuse, in this state is a crime that doesn’t call for hanging.
(Laughing)
And he called police and Channel 9 when we were the police and CPS. It felt good, and he said we couldn’t come on his property without a warrant. His property! He was parked in a state park, imagine. And it felt good to see him taken down. But most of the time I miss action because my focus has to be on snagging kids. Amy doesn’t know how lucky she is. I’ve been meaning to tell her she’s special
(Lying)
Martha and I share responsibility for her. Same work load, different roles. Amy, a special kid, I encouraged them to hold her back. I’ve been meaning to tell her…250 lbs. I keep trying to lose weight. I have one tattoo. A Tasmanian Dust Devil. On my left shin. Worst mistake I ever made. Just Kidding. Never in Navy. I chose Boy Scouts and summer camp. Kidding. Not HIV positive. Never tested. Never needed to be tested. I trust Martha. Do you want me to be honest? I try to be honest…I have to be honest or else I wouldn’t have credibility with court. Once you’ve lost your credibility, you’re finish in this business. Do you know what normal is? Normal is opposite of deviant. Deviants are people…yes people, like you and me, who molest children. And with his rough hands he turns her around toward him and forces her to…there’s a deviant, a deviant if I ever heard of one. And I’ve seen plenty, plenty, plenty deviance! And it’s never intercourse. Never! It’s never intercourse, so never say it is…never put it in a report or say it in court. Honestly, I don’t remember much about my childhood. I drink, a little, to calm my nerves. I get shaky. Ah ha, an alcoholic. Yes, I know…drink on weekends…a six-pack at the most. Denial! Never had a DUI. Haven’t been in treatment. Do I need treatment? So Amy cuts herself? No, no, no, and yellow baby addicted to marijuana. A case I have. Alcoholism in my family starts way back. It’s in our genes. Genes. Nasty genes. No cocaine. No meth. No heroin. Hate needles. Collapsed veins. No cocaine, meth, heroin, LSD, PCP, roaches, peyote, mushrooms. Let me back up for a moment. Tried cocaine once. Let me tell you about meth. Now meth, on the scale of things, is right between tobacco and PCP. Did I tell you that I had the worst sex abuse case ever. A pretty girl too, and her name was Sunshine. Thankee friends, for believing in me. Sex abuse is never intercourse…never love. I love you Amy.
(Silence)
On the edge. All the years I’ve been on the edge. On the edge of a black hole. On tiptoe. Unbalanced.
(Silence)
Did I tell you that I had a horrible sex abuse case? There were two girls involved…Amber and Sunshine. TITTY FLIRT! Sunshine, she’s fourteen. Goes to middle school. Nothin’ happens at school. She’s new. Gotta get words right. She and Daddy…her daddy…gotta use her exact words. us don’t stop…don’t…don’t stop ‘cept once and while. They’re gypsies. Always moving about. Sometimes Sunshine slips out.
(It is evident he loves to tell the story.)
Has no place to hide…slips out …gits away…hides. She thinks get out. She’d like to kill him. God, oh, God! Gotta git words right. Sometimes she tries to…to get away…to get away from all yellin’ and…. Calls it ed-u-cashunal. He calls it educational. And says it feels so good…so good…so good when it hurts so, so bad.

(Having exhausted himself, Colin now searches for his own house. When he finds it, he sits on the front porch and Martha comes out.)

Martha
Look who’s here.

Colin
I’ve been meaning to tell you that you’re a good cook.

Martha
It won’t work, Colin.

Colin
It won’t?

Martha
No. You know it won’t.

Colin
I didn’t have much left.

Martha
I see that.

Colin
Aren’t you going to invite me in?

Martha
No. Not tonight.

Colin
Tomorrow night?

Martha
I doubt it.

Colin
So you’ve made up your mind.

Martha
Yes. Had it made up for me.

Colin
And I want to tell you…

Martha
What?

Colin
Nothing. How was the bed?

Martha
Lonely. So I didn’t stay in it.

Colin
So!

Martha
Pardon? You think I like this? I’m certainly not enjoying it.

Colin
For me it’s a nice change. Kidding. Can I come in and get a few things? A few things I need. Like deodorant, my toothbrush, and a comb.

Martha
Sure. No, wait. I’ll get them for you. And you’ll need a fresh shirt, a white, pressed, clean shirt. Have you got one?

Colin
Crucified! Falsely accused. Lies. Amy. Now how am I going to get ready for tomorrow when I get kicked out of my own goddamn house, damn you Martha! Lies! Now I have to find a motel.
(Cooling down.)
I have to sleep, clean up, brush my teeth, put on a clean shirt, and comb my hair. Look presentable. Play it cool. Can’t panic. Can’t panic. Be professional. I know for a fact that I’m a good man and that I never laid a finger on Amy. Who said I did?

(Police Officer appears,)

Police Officer
Are you all right, sir?

Colin
All right? All right? Sure.

Police Officer
Do you live here?

Colin
Did. Yes. Yes, I live here.

Police Officer
We had a call from a neighbor, and at this hour….

Colin
A call from a neighbor, at this hour…sure… I got locked out.

Police Officer
Driver’s license please.

Colin
Driver’s license…sure…
(Handing the officer his driver’s license, which was in his hip pocket.)
I had to tiptoe out of the house so as not to wake the wife.

Colin
My dog would. My wife shot my dog. Kidding. Boy, I know I’ve worked with you. Though it’s true I’ve worked with many of you. Just today, or was it yesterday I worked a bad sex abuse case? You don’t want to hear it, do you?

Police Officer
No. Just before I got this call I had a 9mm American Eagle Luger pointed in my face. We almost shot the fool. And that’s how my night’s gone. Oh, by the way, the next time you decide to camp out on your front porch, please leave on the light so that your neighbors can see who you are.

Colin
Sir…

Police Officer
Buddy, I sure wish that I had time to talk, but unfortunately I’ve got keep moving. We’re understaffed. I’m sure you know what I mean. As far as our working together? You do look familiar.

(The police officer leaves.)

Colin
I need sleep if I’m going to function at all. Martha is asleep by now.
(He thinks about sneaking back into the house, tries the doorknob but finds the door locked.)
Well, good night Martha. Sleep tight. Well, it isn’t the first time that I’ve had to tiptoe around. I’ve had to always tiptoe around certain things because we’ve never really talked. See, I know. With my education I should know, and I wouldn’t have the job I have without a degree or something equivalent. With my experience I should know. Pop!
(Pops one fist into the other hand and moves away from the porch.)
I should pop her one. I shouldn’t pussy foot around and pop her one. I shouldn’t have to pussy foot around. Didn’t I tell you that violence is better than sex? Just kidding. Nothing is better than taking a beating. I’m never surprised to find sex abuse. Been at it too long, so I can easily spot it ,,, spot sex abuse. It’s everywhere. It may start out as physical abuse … Where you find physical abuse, you’ll often find sex abuse. From morning to night, nothing but sex abuse. Now when I die, I’ll dream sex abuse. Diagnosis? Is there one?
(Singing)
When I leave, don’t weep for me.
(Remembering)
“Suspect:” my daughter. “Address:” mine. “Telephone number:” mine. “Height, weight, hair, eyes, complexion, build:” fits. “Clothing:” dresses like a boy. “Social Security number:” Amy’s.
The second page is fill with inaccuracies. “The reporter is principal for…. Suspect never went to her classes today. She said she hid out (where?) and admitted she that set a small fire in a restroom. Reporter brought child to his office and discovered that she had in her possession… Drama queen! She’s always been a drama queen!

(By now, Colin is sobbing and stumbles off a dark stage. Then the sun comes up. The Monks are waiting for him in front of his office.)

Mr. Monk
Mr. Rogers, we need to talk.

Colin
Oh, you startled me.

Mrs. Monk
Where’s my kids? What did you do with my kids?

Colin
Wait. You’ll have to come back…

Mrs. Monk
No. You tell me what you did to my kids.

Colin
Your kids are safe.

Mrs. Monk
No, they’re not. I know what happens to kids in you’s care. I must see them.

Colin
You’ll get to see them. Now…

Mrs. Monk
You’re tearing my family apart.

Colin
You’ll have to come back when….

Mrs. Monk
No. I want to see them now. I want to make sure you ain’t hurt them. When they was with us, nobody hurt them.

Colin
What about bruises Sunshine…?

Mrs. Monk
She didn’t have no bruises unless you put ‘em on her.

Colin
Look…

Mr. Monk
You look! You just give us our kids. I’m getting a lawyer.

Colin
Fine. Of course you know the court will assign you a lawyer if you can’t…

Mr. Monk
We don’t want no CPS lawyer.

Colin
It wouldn’t be a CPS lawyer. Now…you just wait until the office opens and…

Mr. Monk
Nazi!
(What happens next happens so fast that it will later be a blur. Colin sees Mr. Monk lunge for him.)
Nazi!

Colin
Molester!

(Colin anticipates getting hurt and collapses into a ball. Mr. Monk then jumps on top of him and pounds his head. A ring cuts Colin’s head: blood.)

CURTAIN

Act Three

(Colin seems more subdued than previously. He enters Amy’s room at Summerset Hospital and sits with her. She won’t look at him.)

Colin
(After a long silence)
My little girl wouldn’t say those things about me. I know, I know because she’s my little girl. I know my little girl wouldn’t say those things. From time she was born she’s been my little girl, daddy’s little girl.
(Silence)
I am your father Amy. This is your father and you have to speak to me. Pumpki, speak to me! I order you…please speak to me! You better. You better speak to me. If you know what’s good for you, you better. Amy, are you in there! I give up. Do you hear me? I give up. I know that you’re angry with me, but there’s no reason for you to say those horrible, hateful things…for you to tell those lies.
(After an even longer silence)
I’m not angry with you. But it’s idiotic not to face this.
(Silence)
Okay. I see I’m not getting anywhere.
(He leaves room and meets Martha in hall.)
Sometimes I almost hate your daughter.

Martha
Colin, please.

Colin
You need to tell your daughter that she needs to tell the truth.

Martha
What happened to your head?

Colin
It’s nothing.

Martha
Nothing? Let me see.
(She examines cut on top of his head.)
You may need stitches.

Colin
I’ll take care of it. You take care of your daughter … our daughter. I’m in a hurry. I have so much to do today.

Martha
You need to slow down. You’re talking too fast.

Colin
I’m not.

Martha
You are.

Colin
You’re a bitch. You know you’re a bitch.

Martha
It’s just like…it’s just like you to say something like that.

Colin
I don’t have time for this. I don’t have all day. And I can’t reach your daughter … our daughter.

Martha
Take time to get your head sewed up.

Colin
Watch it.

Martha
You need stitches. It shouldn’t take long.

Colin
You don’t know what I have to do today. Look …with Amy I would…but she won’t talk to me. Selfish! She’s selfish, and she won’t talk to me. You know what’s she saying I did to her? Some daughter!

Martha
She had a rough day yesterday.

Colin

That’s no excuse.

Martha

I don’t know what she’s said… She hasn’t opened up to me either. I just know that she had a horrendous day.

Colin
Uh!

Martha
I know you’re disappointed. That comes through loud and clear. But couldn’t you slow down…stop? You should breathe. You know it helps to breathe, for God’s sake. It’s important that you breathe. For your girl’s sake, you need to breathe and take care of yourself. You know…breathe.

Colin
Well, that’s interesting coming from you. After last night. Getting stitches right now isn’t in the works.

Martha
A heart attack would make it worse.

Colin
But your daughter! She went to the school and… Do you know what she did at school? And what she said about me. Sticks and stones may break my bones, but lies…I’ll be lucky to come out alive. I never once lost my temper with her, when she was little. I don’t believe in spanking, and now she says I beat her. Now that’s not right. Martha, you need to talk to your daughter. You need to. She’s your daughter and you need to set her straight. And where are bruises Martha? Without bruises, they don’t have a case … a valid case. They don’t have a valid case.

Martha
It doesn’t help for you to be like this. My reaction was the same as yours. I was shocked. And then I started thinking. I did. I’ve done a lot of thinking since yesterday. All last night I was thinking…all that time I kept asking myself…after you left and earlier this morning…the dog kept complaining that you weren’t there…and you’re never there… you haven’t been there for a long time. I called the dog in because he wouldn’t stop barking. We both needed comforting. Colin, I want to get to the point in my life where what you do or don’t do doesn’t bother me and to when Amy has grown out of whatever’s wrong with her. I couldn’t take another day like yesterday.
(Colin leaves, and she walks back to Amy’s room.)
I’m going to be strong. I’ve got to be strong. I’m going to be strong and not screw up. I’m going to be the mother Amy deserves…the one she needs. Amy! Amy! Amy! Screw you Colin. He’s going to have a heart attack, a stroke, or something and leave me with…with…with this. Amy! There she sleeps, or she’s pretending to sleep. I’m so afraid…afraid…afraid…afraid. Why? Why Amy? Why? What more could I have done?
(When she doesn’t receive an answer, she leaves the hospital.)

Amy
(Still in bed)
Pry…pry…pry…dig up every little thing. Maybe you can get somewhere. Maybe you can force it out of me. Maybe you can force truth out of me. Get to truth. Pitiful truth. Truth is… is somewhere. Where is truth? Where is it? Where…where is it hiding? In mist somewhere. Come out truth. Out of mist comes truth. Maybe they’re right. Maybe if I keep talking truth will come out. Maybe like they told me once if I get it out it won’t seem so bad, at least not so bad to me. Maybe if I let it out it won’t hurt so much. Maybe I wouldn’t have to carry a knife. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe I won’t have to carry a knife to protect myself … a box cutter … maybe I wouldn’t cut myself Maybe. Maybe. Maybe a lot of things would change, if truth came out, and maybe then I’d feel better. But as it is now, truth hurts. Someone help. Someone. Someone.
(She finally gets out of bed and sits on the floor, where another patient finds her.)

I wanted to die. I had a rope. I was going to tie it around my neck, tie the other end off on a bridge, and jump! Jump! Jump! Jump off!

Amy

Snap! Dangle. Snap dangle. Neat and sweet. Dangle snap.

Barbara

Yeah. And that’s why I am in here. I’m a throw-away kid.

Amy

I tried to burn Carrillo down, down to the ground. I’m a cutter, and I have a conduct disorder, a conduct disorder. They gave me a conduct disorder. Fuck ‘em!

Barbara

How do you know? How do you know they gave you a … a …

Amy

A conduct disorder. I heard it. I overheard it. I have big ears, big hands, see! I heard doc talking to my parents. Fuck em! Fuck em! I’d rather be in jail. This place sucks. We’d be happier in jail.

Barbara
Have you ever been in jail? I hear it sucks too.

Amy
No, I haven’t been in jail. You’re dumb. Dumb, dumb, dumb!

Barbara

Maybe we could be friends.

Amy

I doubt it. And you have a shitty attitude. Shitty! I rather be in jail. They arrested me. I tried to burn our school down, our school, Carrillo, understand? I have a conduct disorder, they arrested me, so I should be in jail.

Barbara

I’m having a bad day.

Amy

I am having a shitty day. Shitty. A shitty day.

Barbara

Shitty.

Amy

Shitty. Yes, shitty. A shitty day. Shit, shit, shit!

Barbara

Shitty. Shit!

Amy

Shitty! Shit!

Barbara

Shitty! Shit! Shit!

Amy

Shit! Shitty! Shit!

Barbara

Shitty! I’ve lived a shitty life, a shitty life. If you can call it a life. But it don’t matter. Shit, it don’t matter. I’ve been in here several times, and it hasn’t helped me. I’m a throw-away kid.

Amy

Shit face. Hey Barbara, I won’t tell anyone you were in here, if you’ll tell on me.

Barbara
Sisters?

Amy
Sisters?

Barbara
Yeah, sisters.

Amy

What’s your name?

Barbara

Barbara.
Amy

Barbara. And Barbara, remember I have a conduct disorder. And Barbara, like you, I’m a bad kid and don’t belong in here but belong in jail. My dad works for CPS. Fuck CPS

Barbara.
I know.

Amy

You don’t know shit. Shitty shit. Shit.
(Barbara moves on, while Amy continues to sit on floor. A few moments later, Colin sticks his head in again.)

Colin
Amy, I forgot. Oh, you’re up.

Amy
No, I’m down.

Colin
Amy, I won’t hit you. I would never hit you. I wouldn’t hit a girl, my girl, when she’s down. Amy, I came back because I think I forgot to tell you how much I love you.

Amy
It’s okay dad. I know you love me. Now get out of here.

Colin
Right. I have a busy day ahead of me. You take care now.

Amy
Okay, Dad. Okay.

(He leaves her sitting on the floor. Colin leaves the hospital and takes the hot seat.)

Colin
Oh, yes, I remember every word she said, and she said, “My, my, it’s you again. Me, I don’t like you people.” I’ve got a good memory, but honestly I didn’t remember her. She said, “I remember you. You took little o’ me away from my grandma.”

Supervisor
(Appears downstage on one side of Colin.)
From where I sit…you need to take time off … off. You deserve a vacation. The Grand Canyon is waiting for you, Colin, waiting for you and your… Have you ever hiked the Grand Canyon, Colin?

Colin
Why do you want me to go on vacation?

Supervisor

You’ve earn time off. Take it.

Colin

Is there something you’re not telling me?

Supervisor
No. Why are you suspicious, Colin?

Colin
I’m not suspicious.

Supervisor
Right.

Colin
Right here, right here, right now, it’s got to stop. I don’t need a vacation, and you need to stop insisting that I do. I don’t need a vacation; I’ve just had more than my share of tough cases lately, more than my share. As you know, yesterday I had a hard … the hardest, roughest sex abuse case that I’ve ever had.
(Pointing to cut on his head)
See! Look! Martha was wrong. I didn’t need stitches. Yes, over the course of time I’ve had too many rough cases, but I don’t need a vacation.

Supervisor
Okay, you don’t need a vacation.

Colin
So what happens…am I placed on administrative leave? Am I? Amy is lying, so her dad loses his job. You know she’s lying. I saw her this morning. She’s in Summerset, and she’s getting the attention she needs. At first she wouldn’t talk to me…she’ll get over it and admit she lied.

Supervisor
But Colin, maybe you really…need…

Colin
No! I don’t need a vacation. Look! Let me do my job. I don’t have time for any of this. I don’t have time…time…time to do my work. There’s never enough time, thank you.

Supervisor
Why are you fighting me?

Colin
Goddamn you! I’m not fighting you, and I don’t need a vacation!

Supervisor
Colin, how long?

Colin
How long what? Don’t look at me like that. I’m not an abuser? I’m not. Things get mixed up, that’s all. I wouldn’t let this happen. I never beat Amy.

Supervisor
A week … at least a week. Take as long … as long as you need. We’ll miss you, but …. I placing you on leave for a week.

Colin
See! You can’t. There weren’t any bruises. You know there weren’t any bruises.

Supervisor
It’s not up to me. This will be over… let them complete their investigation. It shouldn’t take longer than a week … just long enough to complete an investigation, and that shouldn’t take more than a week. Meanwhile you and Martha get away…go to the Grand Canyon.

Colin
Oh no you don’t. What about my new sex abuse case? What about Amy?

Supervisor
For now you better stay away from Amy. And as for the new sex abuse case, I’ll testify for you. I’ve done it before. No one’s indispensable, Colin. I’m assuming all the interviews were recorded like they were supposed to be. You can’t really go near Amy until after the investigation and you’ve been cleared. You know that. I’m pulling for you, Colin…I’ve been pulling for you and worried about you for a long time.

Colin
Worried about me? Me? Me? Why? I don’t need you to worry about me. That’s the last thing I need. I know how to take care of myself. It was just that yesterday…yesterday. You know I wouldn’t hurt Amy. Amy’s my big girl.

Martha
((Appears downstage opposite supervisor.)
You’re such a fool! You have such a big heart! You want to help every kid that comes along, but you don’t have time for your own kid. You care too much, and you don’t care enough. But what do I know? I’m your wife, that’s all, so… shouldn’t I know? Shouldn’t I? You only talk about your cases. By now I should know all about them…every one of them. But do you know what? I’d as soon have you not come home as to hear what some girl or boy told you. I don’t want to hear another word about your cases.

Colin
“You took me away from my grandmother.” She screamed, “Jezzzus! Can’t you see I’m crying?” She held her infant in her arms. “Do you think she’s purty? I don’t want her to be purty. I don’t want her to grow up thinking she has to be purty, to be somebody. She! She’s hungry now. The flirt sucks hard.” Fifteen-year-old mother. Runaway. Caught shoplifting. Has a newborn. Arrested and in the hospital.

Martha
Colin, where are you?

Social Worker
(Enters with a file in her hand)
You’re Amy’s father.
(She seems friendly and professional.)
You’re Amy’s father. You shouldn’t be here. The doctor, I’m sure…

Colin
Why don’t you give me his name? I’m sure he has a name. I need his name. Give me his fucking name.

Amy
(Appears in her hospital gown)
I am a pretty gal, and I dress like a boy. And I can’t get a boyfriend, but any girl can get boyfriend if she flaunts her stuff. I’m different. What are they looking at? I know what they’re thinking? They’re jealous, that’s all.

Colin
I’m doing all right.

Supervisor
I’m worried about you. I worry about you.

Martha
Where are you, Colin? Colin.

Amy
Here we go. Here we go again. You can’t lay a finger on me. You can’t touch me, touch me, and you know it. Dad, if you lay a finger on me I’ll call CPS. You can’t touch me. There’s no way you can. I’ll call CPS. Child Protective Service. Protect me. Protect me. Come, come, come after me, as I slipped away with my butcher knife. I’m adrift. As I drift away, your wayward child. No guidance. No map. Afraid. Alone. In a hospital. Afraid. Alone. No, not in jail. In a hospital. Adrift in a hospital on life support. No, I’m not crazy. Everybody else is. In a hospital and not in jail. Not in jail. Not in jail where I should be. Think before you act! Think. To think! To think? Think about what you did. It’s not as much about what I did as what I didn’t do. I didn’t burn our school down. I set a little fire in a restroom. That’s all. And tried to stomp it out. Lit a few paper towels with my lighter. Never expected it to amount to much. Then it grew! And grew! And I carry a butcher for protection, protection. And a box cutter to …
(Pause)
I should’ve known better. Adrift! And where was my dad? Adrift. Shit! Shitty, shitty, shit. Adrift! I didn’t hurt anyone! Shit. I thought about it, thought of hurting someone. There is this particular group of kids. They don’t like me. Fuck ‘em! Fuck ‘em! Fuck all them. Fuck! Call CPS. Fuck CPS.

Colin
“Fourteen and a mother, you probably deserved a licking.” I never told her that, but I thought it. It could’ve been Amy, but Amy is more mature than that. These day kids grow up too fast. As she pointed to her infant, she asked me, “Do you think she’ll turn into a sassy-ass flirt?”

Amy
And he never showed up. Well, I showed him. Screw him! I showed him. Mother came. Always mother. Mother came. Like always. She always comes. So I showed him. Want to fight? Come on. I’m fucking tired of it. I thought if they called me a fucking twat one more time, I’d cut their fucking balls off. Screw them! Shit!

Colin
I told her, “ You’re of a different generation and speak a different language. I have a daughter like you. Her name is Amy.”

Amy
At least no one got hurt.

Martha
Calm down Amy.

Amy
Then make them stop. Stop calling me a twat.

Martha

Twart?

Amy

Forget it, mom.

Colin
My tomboy, Amy. “You can’t get in trouble with me.” She’s into blue jeans, trucks, and things, that’s my Amy. “You have a beautiful baby. Is it a boy or a girl?” She looked twenty-one, not fourteen. No, I didn’t tell her that she looked twenty-one.

Martha
She turned on me. She’s always been a daddy’s girl.

Colin
“He left. She leaves. Oh, fine. He don’t work. Works here and there, where he can. Remember, my pa eviscerates…that’s a big word for pulling your heart out…eviscerates chicken hearts, ‘cept his paws got too swollen to eviscerate.. For as long as I remember little o’me! Me, me! I’ve had to support myself. His paws got too swollen. It was his goddamn excuse.”

Amy
What a fucking mess! But I’m not a piece of garbage. Dad told me I wasn’t a piece of garbage.

Colin
She said she wanted a baby. Needed one more than anything. Fourteen and needed a baby.

Amy
I’ve thought about living on my own, and I’ve thrown a few things together and slipped out during middle of the night. There’s a place I like to go to, a place to hide in plain sight.

Colin
There was Sunshine, Sunshine of yesterday. Remember her? How could I forget worse sex abuse case I’ve ever had.

Amy
I have a hideout … a secret place right in the open. It’s on a curb right in front of the school. It’s where I sit and smoke. I generally sit alone and smoke and defy anyone to stop me. A kid in overalls who’s begging for a fight…she shows no fear because…because…because…because she’s rough and tough.

Colin
…a kid with an infant, and she didn’t have a clue what it took to be a mother.

Amy
I’ll show him.

Colin
Her folks were gone somewhere. She had no one but herself to rely on. She was barely fourteen.

Amy
Where’s dad? You don’t have to tell me. He’s working. Why are you on his side? Why are you always on his side? Why do you keep defending him? There’s no defense for him. “You don’t keep putting good money into a bad project and expect something in return.” That’s what he’d say, isn’t it? “You don’t keep putting good money into a bad project and expect… “ He’ll never change, and you know it.

Colin
Pedophiles love children. “You guys don’t do shit.”

Martha
I don’t know. Amy…Amy…
(Scared)
I…I…don’t know how to tell you this. I kicked your father out of the house last night.

Amy
Are you going to divorce him?

Martha
Would you like me to? Would you like it, if I did?

Amy
No.

Colin
A pedophile I once met… Ah, maybe this has more to do with me than with him while I’m definitely not a pedophile. He was locked up in jail where he should be when he told me. Here he had to have lied. “I loved them more than their parents did.” Oh, don’t believe him! He was a pedophile. Steady…steady… Damn him! Damn him! Damn him! He was suicidal because he knew that he’d never be around children again. And he said he loved children, love them more than their parents did. Give him two minutes. Two minutes. Just two minutes. He said it only took him two minutes and he knew which one to choose, and he said he was never wrong. Two minutes…TWO…damn … minutes. And he was sentenced to over a thousand years, a thousand years for molesting children, and he was suicidal, not because of a long sentence, but because he knew he’d never be around children again. Oh, love your children! Show, show your love to the nasty brat. Back at home. Come in you little bastard. Get in here this minute. Show your love. Show your love as much as you can.

Martha
I never…

Amy
You kicked him out, but you’ll let him back in. I know you’ll let him back in.

Martha
From where you are…it must look like I…

Amy
It’s between you two. I get it. It’s between you two. It doesn’t concern me.

Martha
That’s where you’re wrong.

Amy
I’m wrong all the time anyway. Is this what you wanted to talk to me about?

Colin
It’s amazing how clever they are…how they get parents to turn over their kids to them…how they just know what to do better than their parents do. How they know … Little Sunshine told us the truth while Amy told a pack of lies. Two minutes…amazing. Easy now…easy…you know you never beat Amy.

Martha
Amy, what do you think your father would’ve done had he’d found your note? What’s going on with you? Why didn’t you come to us before it got so bad? To start with your father adores you and would do anything for you. We both love you. He says we ought to have put our foot down. We don’t always agree, but for Christ’s sakes…for sure we agree on one thing and that is we both love you.

Amy
What did you do with my note?
(Martha shows that she has note by taking it out of her purse.)
Don’t tell Dad, for God’s sake don’t tell him.

Colin
You start off every time with something like…
(Sunshine appears)
Start at the very beginning and from the beginning tell me everything that happened.

Sunshine
Everything? Cain’t do nothin’…nothin’ about it. Get off me! Sometimes in bed. Sometimes on floor. Sometimes under a blanket.. Sometimes mama’s around. Sometimes not.

Colin
And then what would happened? What would happen in bed?
(Pause)
You’re in bed, and he’s…

Sunshine
Daddy. That’s who.

Colin
Daddy. Then what? And on floor what? Simply tell me what happened from beginning to end…what happened in bed, on floor, then under blanket. Everything. Completely. And then what happened? You’re doing a good job. What else? You can tell me. No, no, no. You didn’t do anything wrong. It’s not easy. I know. It’s not easy. And it’s not your fault

Amy
I messed up. That’s it. I messed up. I know I messed up. Now can I go home?

Martha
Again it’s not up to me. Or your dad. But we’ll stand by you, Amy. Whatever. Whatever it is. Whatever. We will. We will stand beside you. We’ll be there for you. We love you. Both of us.

Amy
Okay, okay.

Martha
I know we failed you.

Amy
Enough.

Martha
I think we’ll get through this, Amy, but you’ve got to learn. We can learn from our mistakes, our mistakes with you. We can change. But you broke the law.

Amy
All right, I’m sorry. What more do you want me to say? I’m sorry. Now what do I have to do? Oh, I know. I know it’s not up to you. Or dad.

Martha
You’ll have to take your medicine. And you need help. You’ve been suspended from school. The rest is up to a judge, and if you’re lucky, you’ll only have to do community service and end up on probation. And your dad and I will have to pay restitution. You’ll have to keep your nose clean. And your dad and me … we’ll do anything for you.

Amy
And there are other things, aren’t there?

Martha
There may be. There always are. There’s your dad and me, and you have things to set right. We have things to set right … your dad and me.

Amy
I’ve been bad, bad, bad. Bad, bad, bad. I’m a bad girl.

Martha
No, you’re not. Now stop Amy. Stop it now. Give me a hug. God, how I need a hug. I need a hug.

Amy
Are you disappointed? Disappointed with me?

Martha
Disappointed. Disappointed with you? Yes. I have to be honest and say yes. Yes, but I’m just as disappointed with myself.

Amy
You disappointed…you with yourself? I’m disappointed for a lot of reasons.

Martha
Disappointment is part of life.

Amy
I know dad is disappointed too.

Martha
Your dad adores you.

Amy
Then why doesn’t he show it … show it more?

Martha
I won’t make excuses for him. I’ve stopped doing it. I won’t…not any more.

Amy
Have you gone through the house yet?

Martha
What?

Amy
Gone through the house and collected all knives and scissors, pins and needles, and locked them up. So that I can go home. I want to go home.

Martha
I know you do honey.

Supervisor
(As if she’s talking on the telephone)
Yes? I’m Mr. Rogers’ supervisor. I know you’re upset, sir. You have reason to be upset. I’m not trying to, sir. He’s one of my best workers. I think, Mr. Monk… Mr. Monk, you need to calm down. I know that you and your wife are upset. Upset. Will you give me your number please, and I’ll have Mr. Rogers … No, Mr. Rogers had a … Mr. Rogers is ill. So, why don’t you and your wife come in. I’ll see you. I’m Mr. Rogers’ supervisor.

Colin
Yes, I know what happens next. You act like I’m a stupid sonofabitch!

Supervisor
No. But now go home.

Colin
I have no home to go to. That’s why I look the way I do. I’ve been up all night.

Supervisor
I’m sorry, Colin

Colin
My case notes are all there.

Supervisor
I figured they would be. I’m sorry.

Colin
I know.

Supervisor
And I’ll keep the lid on this as much as I can.

Colin
I know you will.

(Mr. and Mrs. Monk appear.)

Mr. Monk
I didn’t touch my girl. She’s lying. He had no right to come into our home and take Amber the way he did. It upset her, and she ain’t abused. Sunshine. Sunshine ain’t abused either. Girl’s lying, and she’s lying so she can get away with stuff. I never touched her. No, never. Ask her mother! Ask her if I’m ever alone with Sunshine. Ask her. Children lie all the time. You should know children lie. I spank her sometimes. There’s nothing wrong with spanking. It’s not against the law. I don’t beat my children. I’m careful. I spank April, but Sunshine is too old to spank. Yous what’s wrong with children these days. You raise your hand, and they threaten to call you guys…CPS.

Colin
AAAAAmy! AAAAAmy! Why? Why? AAAAAAmy!

Mr. Monk
“MOVE OUT! ALL OF YOUS!”

Colin
Start at the beginning and give me every single detail… That’s how you start, and proof is in details.

Mr. Monk
Too old to spank. Too old to spank. I don’t touch her. I let her mother do it whenever it’s necessary.

Colin
Year after year if you last long enough…over and over again…you hear about poop… underpants on railings…

Martha
Careful…you’re losing it, Colin. Careful.

Colin
Losing…losing it.

Martha
(To Amy)
Your dad sends his love. Who am I kidding? Being angry won’t help. He’s not here to see you angry. And look…

Amy
That’s the trouble. He’s not here.

Martha
He’s been here.

Amy
Yes, he’s been here.

Martha
And you wouldn’t talk to him.

Amy
I want us to be a family again.

Martha
He tries.

Amy
Don’t make excuses for him.

Martha
I’m trying. I’m glad you want to come home. We want you home.

Amy
Make him…

Martha
I can’t make him do anything. You know that. I’m glad you’re feeling better. I brought you something.
(She pulls a kimono out of an old bag.)
A kimono! What do you think?
(Amy frowns.)
It’s ridiculous, isn’t it? I know you prefer blue jeans.

Amy
The same ol’, same ol’, same ol’ stuff. Except now I’ve got your attention.

Colin
That’s fine. Meanwhile my job is in jeopardy.
(Shouts)
I hope you’re satisfied. I want you to think about what you’re doing, think about consequences. It could lead to my losing my job.
(To himself)
What am I doing? Crazy. Stupid! I shouldn’t be here.

Amy
You threw me into a wall. Hurt my back.

Colin
Another lie. Lying. But not for long. You can’t pull it off, Amy. You have no injuries.

Amy
Dad! Dad? You hurt my back. You lost it and threw me into a wall. You know you did. You came into my room, and I told you to get out. My room! You were angry over something. I’ve forgotten over what. And you threw me against a wall. You lost it and threw me against a wall. When? When? When mother wasn’t home. You caught me with a cig. A nasty cig. With a cig in my mouth. I’d just lit it when you came into my room, and mother wasn’t home yet. You lost it, slapped me, and pushed me into a wall. Hurt my back. I can’t pull it off? We’ll see. You shouldn’t have…should’ve stayed out of my room. You didn’t knock.

Colin
(To Martha)
Martha, Amy keeps changing her story. She now says I slapped her and pushed her into a wall. She’s changed her story. She first said I beat her. And any investigator will know she’s lying, and if that doesn’t clear me, that she doesn’t have any injuries will. And she has a conduct disorder … a conduct disorder. This explains things. It will discredit her, discredit her, discredits and clears me. They will dismiss her allegations and believe me. It will clear me. Then I won’t lose my job, except I went to the hospital and saw Amy when I wasn’t supposed to, so I’ve screwed up and could still lose my job anyway. Who the hell can tell me I can’t see my daughter? I know better, but she’s my daughter. For God’s sake. I didn’t slap her or push her into a wall. I didn’t go into her room. I didn’t catch her smoking in her room. I didn’t know she smokes.

Martha
Haven’t you dug yourself into a deep enough hole? You don’t know when to shut up, do you? You’re not guilty. I know it. You know it. Amy knows it. She’ll tell the truth. She wants to come home.

Colin
But the harm has been done.

Martha
Jesus!

Colin
Well it has been. I’ve been placed on administrative leave. My daughter’s in the hospital.

Martha
Christ Colin, your daughter wrote a suicide note, and judging from the note, she meant to kill herself. She needs to be in the hospital

Colin
Martha!

Martha
For God’s sake, Colin. She needs you…needs you now more than ever. When was the last time we did anything as a family? It’s too bad that you’ve been placed on administrative leave, but you need a vacation. We could go together…as a family.

Colin
You don’t know. Oh, God. I can’t believe that I’m getting this from you. Martha, you don’t know.

Martha
You choose to work all the time. You choose to bring your work home. All you talk about is work…your cases … your damn cases. I’m sick about hearing about your damn cases.

Colin
You’re telling me I choose to…that I choose to when you don’t know. I don’t have a choice, Martha. Yes, I do. I could quit. I should quit, and then where would we be?

Martha
Stop it! We all have choices. And we’re not asking you to quit. Amy is not asking you to quit. I’m not asking you to quit. I know you can’t quit. I know it.

Colin
Huh! Can’t you see I’m almost over the edge? It wouldn’t take much. It wouldn’t take much to push me over, see? See? It’s an edge around top of a black hole, and I’m hanging over it. And I’m accused of having fallen into it. Over the edge, looking for … hanging over the edge for a long time…a long time. Over the edge of a deep, deep. Black hole … sucking you in, but…but I’m hanging on, or so I thought. Help. So I supposedly have choices. I certainly don’t want to fall in, then what? So what do I do? Like I said I could quit? Quitting is a choice. But …but…but it isn’t a choice I have. I’m not a quitter. I know I can’t save the world, but … I’m not a quitter. I won’t quit. I won’t. Now I’m accused. Everyone agrees that children need to be protected, and when parents can’t or won’t do it, there’s CPS. So what should I do? Quit? I’m not a quitter. Give up? I’m not a quitter. Take early retirement? I’m not… Take a vacation? Walk along the edge of the Grand Canyon? Options remain the same. Walking along the edge… So what do I do, keep walking along the edge of a black hole and pray that I keep my balance? Quit? And I’m not the only one I have to watch out for. There are those I care about. You and Amy and Amy who has accused me of…pushing her…throwing her…beating her…accused me of a whole lot of things. You expect me to bring home a paycheck. You also expect me to be a father and a husband. So if God sees fit I can be a father and a husband and bring home a paycheck while I protect children and walk along the edge of a black hole. But…and then while I’m managing all that I’m accused of abusing my own daughter. Tell me then that I’m a slouch…a jerk. Am I a drunk? Do I drink? Do I do drugs? Have I slapped you around? Haven’t I been a good provider? No black eyes! No broken ribs! No bruises! No bruises! … And I didn’t push Amy into a wall. I didn’t throw her…didn’t beat her…slap her. I’m good in bed. I have to be careful now…careful not to fall in…easy now… when it’s hard. I’ve made mistakes. I make mistakes every day. I screw up…screwed up. I know I shouldn’t have gone to the hospital to see Amy…I know I shouldn’t have done it without supervision. The hospital screwed up. Incompetent idiots!

Amy
I’m dumb. I’m the one who’s dumb…dumb and ugly.

Martha
Amy wants to come home.

Colin
They’ll have to clear her first. A few years from now we’ll look back on all of this and having survived know we can survive anything.

Martha
After we’ve gone to the canyon…sat and talked…had a nice long talk…talked this out…

Colin
…sitting on the edge, safe and secure with our feet dangling over the side.

Martha
Wonderful, then I better figure out what I’m going to wear.

Colin
I’m thankful Amy’s getting help … help she needs. I love you both. Do you know what I haven’t been able to do in a very long time?
(Pause)
Where has your husband been, Martha? Where was Amy’s father? What was with him? Look at him. He worked late and when he came home he brought his work with him. Martha. And all this time what was he thinking? What was going on in his head?

Martha
I haven’t a clue.

Colin
O yes you do.

Martha
No Colin, I don’t.

Colin
You said it a while ago. I’ll give you a clue. I talked of nothing else.

Martha
And I stopped listening.

Colin
Martha…

Martha
I had to.

Colin
Martha! I’m guilty! Martha, I’m guilty. I fell into a black hole and couldn’t climb out. I couldn’t get words out of my head. Words, words of children, words of children replaying in my head…over and over and over and over again. It’s okay. You can tell me … tell me anything. You did nothing wrong. Start at beginning and tell me exactly what happened…every single thing. “He didn’t do nothing!” Okay, but tell me what you told the school nurse. He wouldn’t do what? And then what happened? Year after year if you last that long. Over and over again…words! About poop…underpants on railings … touching … raping … fathers … mothers … neglecting …. abusing …. their children …like eight-year olds … five-year olds describe it… touching, raping, raping … use … use …use…use their words. MOVE OUT! ALL YOUS! No! It’s not lovin’ or intercourse. Then what is it? In their words. Start at beginning and tell me everything that happened. And you’ve got to get words right… exact … all … exact words down…so THERE’S NOWAY SOMEBODY CAN SAY SHE … HE MADE IT UP! On the edge of a black hole… a deep black hole … you’ve got to understand: we’re always on the edge of a deep, black hole. Martha, I may need the next few years.
Martha
No, no, no, I won’t wait. No, no, no! Now! No, you’ll start now. Now! You’ll start with a vacation, and you’ll take Amy and me with you. We haven’t been to the canyon in a long time.

(Amy, Colin, and Martha come together)

Together. Our vacation. Our first vacation in a long time.

Colin
We drove to the south rim.

Martha
I prefer the north rim,

Amy
I like staying in the old lodge.

Martha

Hear her. Colin, hear her.

Colin
Instead we camped.

Martha
On the south rim.

Amy
And it was crowded.

Martha
Noisy and crowded. It would’ve been less crowded on the north rim.

Colin
But we didn’t have enough time to go … north, drive north … drive to the north rim. I mean I wanted to spend less time driving. This time we’ll go to the north rim.

Amy
You mean you didn’t want to take more time off. Your job was more important than your family. Your job … CPS was more important than your family. CPS was more important to you than me.

Colin
I couldn’t.

Martha
You could. We can go to the north rim and then north to Utah … drive to Zion, see Zion, on to Zion, Zion! We can go to Zion … then on and on.

Colin
I couldn’t.

Amy
Daddy! You could. We could. Now admit it. A real vacation. This time a real vacation. For once, a real vacation.

Colin
I’m trying. I’m doing my best. Then on to Zion. Drive to Zion, see Zion, on to Zion, Zion … a real vacation. Yes, the north rim, and then … on to Zion! A real vacation. Yes, a real vacation. The three of us. Yes. Zion here we come. But there won’t be time to see more, everything.

Do you have good attitude and a willingness to partake in community? Sign up to make Barrio Stories, a fun, one-of-a-kind theatrical spectacle! A variety of shifts are available. No experience required. Volunteers must be 16 or older.This is our most ambitious project in our entire 30 year history. We can’t do this without YOUR help. PLEASE SIGN UP!

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James Gurley’s latest horror publication, a novel from Severed Press. KAIJU KIRIBATI, the sequel to KAIJU: DEADFALL. Severed Press also brought two other novels, INTULO, A LOST WORLD novel, and THE LAW GIVETH, A Jake’s Law zombie novel, for release early in 2916.

Montag Press is releasing his YA science fiction novel, POOLS OF YARAH, early in 2016 and bought rights to the sequel, CHILDREN OF YARAH. They will also be releasing the sequel to his YA science fiction novel ORACLE OF DELPHI, DARK DELPHI, later in 2916.

Copyright & Contact

All of the plays posted on "The Brainpan" are the original work of the blog's main author, Randy Ford, and may not be reproduced, in any form, without the author's permission. You may reach the author at thebrainpan@gmail.com.