An author finds herself at the frontlines of a new generational battle.

Earlier this year, I got the call that every author pines for. Wendi Wan, a producer from the "Dr. Phil" show, alerted my publisher that the daytime pop psychologist wanted to design a program around my new book, "Girls Gone Mild: Young Women Reclaim Self-Respect and Find It's Not Bad to Be Good." They would need copies straightaway, and soon I was subjected to an hour-long interrogation. To my great relief, I passed the inquest, and my appearance on "Dr. Phil" was confirmed. Yet the producers required others to appear with me, and they needed my help. And so, for nearly two weeks, Ms. Wan was in almost daily contact as I recommended teenagers who were boycotting companies with crude marketing campaigns and girls who had made a public appeal for tummy-covering clothing. Pre-interviews with these young defenders of dignity were arranged, and the show started to make travel arrangements for me.

And then, just as suddenly as Ms. Wan had appeared in my life, like Mary Poppins she floated away. When my publicist finally got her on the phone, she learned that our show had been canceled. I was disappointed, but that's show business. The next day, a woman I knew asked if I could join her on "Dr. Phil"; they were filming a modesty segment, and she had been told to corral others to appear with her. Laughing, I realized that the show was still on -- it was just happening without me. A producer later explained that "we don't typically have authors on the show because Dr. Phil [McGraw] is the expert."

Recently, the episode "Mild vs. Wild" finally aired. As it turned out, all the teenage role models that I had recommended were nowhere to be seen. The show was instead presented as a war between "wild" young'uns who wanted to look provocative and their "out of touch" parents.

I lost count of the number of times that the children portrayed their parents as clueless, frumpy or "just old." It's "just two different generations," the viewer was told again and again. One young woman suggested that her elders were "jealous" because their wrinkly bodies were no longer attractive. Finally, stepping into this catfight of his own making, Dr. Phil mused that the kids feel that the grown-ups "need to get with the times." He compared Megan, one 11-year-old girl who favored microminis, to his own college-age son, who sports a mohawk -- and even instructed Megan's parents to "lighten up" and give "her more leeway" since "she is a straight-A student."

Today many young people rebel by upholding high standards in the face of the low ones promoted around them.

But by omitting all the younger, more wholesome role models from his show, Dr. Phil unwittingly revealed how much distortion is required to prop up this media-stoked controversy. The dichotomy between prudish elders and wild young'uns turns out to be, on closer examination, largely adult dogma. Yes, many young people are rebelling--but today they rebel, increasingly, by upholding high standards in the face of the low ones promoted around them.

Bratz magazine, for instance, a publication geared toward 9-year-old girls, may glowingly showcase a "hot backless mini-dress" and fawn over the likes of Paris Hilton, but as its readers grow up, many of them are going crazy over the squeaky clean "Hannah Montana" TV series and the G-rated "High School Musical" kids instead.

Girls are told by Seventeen magazine that "you better follow these rules" so as not to "appear clingy or desperate post-hookup," and that a girl is ready for sex only if she can handle a breakup with her boyfriend soon after engaging in it. As one girl emailed me after reading this advice, "If you're OK with someone leaving you after sex, you probably don't care about him enough to do it!"

At many universities, the administration treats new freshmen to a skit that portrays sex as a lighthearted activity. But it's students, not their elders, who are trying to revive the idea that sex is significant. At Harvard, dozens of students are members of the True Love Revolution. This year, Princeton's abstinence group even persuaded the powers that be to introduce a chaste character into the play "Sex on a Saturday Night."

Sensing the makings of a more conservative generation, Phillip Longman, writing in the Harvard Business Review, warned readers in the February issue to "think twice" about touting sexually explicit video games: "Businesses that have relied on sex to sell products . . . could provoke boycotts or outright bans." Today's sexy marketing campaigns "could come to be seen as relics of a decadent past." This is what happened in 2005 when teenage girls successfully "girlcotted" Abercrombie & Fitch's "attitude tees." It wasn't parents but the girls themselves who succeeded in getting the clothing retailer to pull the shirts with sayings such as "Who Needs Brains When You Have These?"

On several occasions in recent years, the National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy has found that twice as many adults as teens answered "yes" to this question: "Do you think it is embarrassing for teens to admit they are virgins?" I now have a whole email folder filled with tales of this generational disconnect. A 19-year-old wrote to me after her mother pressured her to go to bars during the workweek. I heard from a 16-year-old whose parents think she is "Victorian" because "excuse me if sex is not my favorite dinner topic."

And then there's my favorite email, received in October: "When I was about 12," reports a 23-year-old woman, "my baby boomer mother came up to me one day after school, and appraising my typical baggy t-shirt and jeans said, 'you really ought to start wearing smaller shirts. That's what the boys want.' I of course just blushed and mumbled something like 'OK, mom.' Now that I'm older I realize that instead of just being embarrassed, I could have said, 'what about what I want?' "

These are the voices you won't hear on "Dr. Phil." But, hey, he's the expert.

This article has been condensed from an earlier version, which originally appeared in the December 21st 2007 Wall Street Journal.

Wendy Shalit was born in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, and received her Bachelor of Arts in Philosophy from Williams College in 1997. Her first book, A Return to Modesty: Discovering the Lost Virtue was published by the Free Press in 1999 and her newest book, Girls Gone Mild, was recently published by Random House. She is also the founder of the group blog ModestlyYours.com, an online forum for women who don't have a voice in the mainstream media.

Featured at Aish.com:

About the Author

Wendy Shalit was born in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, and received her Bachelor of Arts in Philosophy from Williams College in 1997. Her first book, A Return to Modesty: Discovering the Lost Virtue was published by the Free Press in 1999 and her newest book, Girls Gone Mild, was recently published by Random House. She is also the founder of the group blog ModestlyYours.net, an online forum for women who don't have a voice in the mainstream media.

Visitor Comments: 49

(49)
Ann Canada,
August 8, 2013 4:24 PM

Tell it dear Wendy Shalit!

Loved your article. Wow, Dr. Phil, sounds like YOU need to get with the times. Young people are starting to clue in about modesty--how else can they rebel against promiscuous, permissive parents? Pair that up with the quest for love and respect, and I'd say we have hope for the future after all.

(48)
Anonymous,
April 11, 2013 8:29 PM

Two comments. First off, we must always remember that Dr. Phil only cares about getting high ratings for his show. That is the be all and end all for him. Second, I saw a saying on a poster once which has stayed with me for years. It said what's right isn't always popular, and what's popular isn't always right. I make every effort to live my life that way.

(47)
Anonymous,
April 11, 2011 11:37 PM

This is a difficult topic because while I totally agree with the article, I think there is a danger in this talk about how young girls should dress, in that when we focus too much on how they dress, in promoting modesty, we are still focusing on the external and not on what is in the inside, which is what matters. Modesty is about the inside, not about how long exactly one's sleeves are. Having read various Jewish sources on this, that is the impression I get from them as well. The message I'm getting is, your outside should reflect your inside, ie modest, clean etc., not define your inside.
Sometimes when trying to counter the harmful influence of media it is easy to forget about this and go along with the externalization.

(46)
Anonymous,
April 4, 2011 11:08 PM

Excellent article keep up your great work

Thank you for an excellent article. I was never sure and could not pinpoint what was actually wrong with the Dr Phil program until you ave clarified it for me. G-d has greater things for in store for you.

(45)
Rivkah,
November 17, 2008 10:21 AM

At the age of 27 and soon to be single again, it has been difficult becoming more observant of modesty over the last year becasue I receive so many negative comments from friends about my modest dress. I am told I dress like an old woman and I will never find a husband at my age dressing the way I do. It is discouraging until I read articles such as this that show real women, young and old, who are fed up with society telling them to flaunt their bodies in order to be accepted and loved. Thank you for the wonderful article!

(44)
Jessica,
August 5, 2008 10:48 PM

Great Quote

I love that-- "what about what I want?!" Yay for girls who are true to what they want/need/believe/dream.

JessicaOwner, Sakura Rose Boutique

(43)
Katherine,
June 24, 2008 3:37 PM

Hope on the horizon

Thank you for a well-written and encouraging article. I sometimes start to think the world's gone crazy, but then articles like yours reassure me that some sanity still exists, and is even growing! Kudos to the girls who value their modesty over commercialism and peer-pressure.

(42)
maria,
May 15, 2008 12:52 PM

MODESTY

Refreshiing to see modesty exist. Young women should be even more proud of their "inner" assets than the outer, physical ones. She will be a stronger, more confident women in the end

(41)
Jennifer,
February 21, 2008 3:03 PM

"Dr" Phil is no expert

I stopped watching Dr. Phil when he did a show on homeschooling and bussed in teenagers from several local high schools to boo the homeschooling families on stage. An acquaintance of mine was on the stage and said her children were reduced to tears over McGraw's hostile attitude toward homeschooling. As for his attitude toward young women dressing sexy: his older son married a porn model and the family had no problem with her career.

(40)
misnaged,
January 22, 2008 6:15 PM

Look how majestic decently dressed ladies look and behave

Decent modest and yet,beautiful clothes are available anywhere Orthodox Jews live. Their boys and girls and adults can teach the world quite a lot.

(39)
Charles Lady,
January 20, 2008 7:33 AM

Modesty - Thanks

Sorry, after reading this story I will not be watching Dr. Phil any more.

Thank you Ms. Shalit. I am making copies of this and forwarding this story.

Sincerely,

Charles Lady

(38)
Anonymous,
January 16, 2008 2:17 PM

Thanks to the author

I appreciate the author's ability to present another side to the current discussion on issues of sexuality; the side we do not get to see most of the time because publications, television, and technology spend a ridiculous amount of money to promote sex. This article is worth reading to help combat the overwhelming amount of information touting that sexuality reigns above all other needs.

(37)
Anonymous,
January 14, 2008 4:27 AM

Wendy's story is great. It also exposes this "PHONY" Dr. PHIL (as he loves to be called, ) as a snake oil vendor. He is not living in the 'Real Worl" but in his imaginary , twisted world.

I Just coul dnever stand him, as he claims to be an expert on everything, , but to me is just an arrogant person.

Thanks for the well written E-mails.

(36)
YBN,
January 10, 2008 4:24 PM

Dr Phil, Expert on what?!

Thank G-d on a return to sanity. It is ever so improtant to show that the fashions of exposure of the female body is like that of captives on the slave market. These "must wear" fashions are designed by people who wish to spread their own lust (& often perverted lusts)driven desires. Who want to have a chance to see what their lusts desire, & or to justify their own lusts by influencing to look thereby influence also behavior like theirs. Also involved are parents etc who now "over the hill" or "jailed in by their matrimonial vows & social standing" etc want the children to be surrogate loose lifers for them to enjoy by their voyeurism.As a normal male, who has fathered 9 children, & have decent eyesight & the appreciation of beauty especially natural beauty made by HaShem so no-one can say something is wrong....; I find the over exposure of female bodies as more repulsive than attractive. As King Solomon said, "Charm is a lie, & physical beauty alone is vain; a woman who has fear/respect of HaShem is praiseworthy." & as our sages said, "All the majesty of a kings daughter is in her modesty".I along with you invite our daughters to return to being the "Daughters of The King" & to be truly majestically praiseworthy.

(35)
Al Godley-Davis,
January 10, 2008 11:14 AM

I'm an older, marride man and not looking for a mate, but if I were, I wouldn't want what any man can have, i.e. an intimate view of your body, belly-button and all. I'd want to earn the trust and respect of a woman who valued herself enough to behave and dress with sexual modesty. If you're selling yourself on your sexuality, one might think you didn't have anything else to offer. I like the idea that female clothing should be tight enough to show that you're a woman and loose enough to show that you're a lady.

(34)
Maria,
January 10, 2008 5:53 AM

Good benefits from the schizm

It is comforting to note that at least people have the opportunity to choose. The jostlings between modest and decadent is necessary. It will help some youths with misguided mothers(not fathers).Forcing the "high speed darkened window train" of immorality to slow down so all can see the passengers, and the "outsiders" for each to review their positions and make informed decision

I love your websiteMaria

(33)
jt,
January 9, 2008 3:34 PM

we need more of this

i'm glad you showed dr. phil for what he was doing wrong. we need a large national campaign for this. kids will follow it if it's presented right.as a man, i prefer women who are modest.when women dress "exposed" to me, it just spells "cheap".

(32)
A Regular Guy,
January 9, 2008 5:44 AM

Modest is Awesome !

As a fellow who has been subjected to both the vulgarity craze and this, its opposition - I'd like to say - way to go to all the crusaderettes - you're worth way more than the just the body that mainstream media wants you to be.

(31)
FresnoJoe,
January 9, 2008 2:50 AM

Pay Royalties To The Jerry Springer Show?

You Go Sister!

Think Phil Should Pay Royalties To The Jerry Springer Show? The Same Jerry, Jerry Who Manages To Profit From Human Foibles (Or Fakery) And To Do It Without All The Pompous Self-Righteous Quackery.

The Texas Phil Dog And Pony Show Of Entertainment By Guiltless Muckraking Of Personal Distress And Broken Lives Is A Disgrace To American Manhood.

Shame On Phil!

(30)
Cynthia,
January 8, 2008 11:03 PM

Where does someone find modest clothes.

Here are some places that you can find modest clothes,I have been shopping on he internet from these stores for 20 years. www.JCREW.COMJJILL, COLDWATER CREEK (great sales)on the internet, below cost. always go to the sale areas. CHADWICKS www.Chawicks.comModestapparelusa.com/skirtor tel. 1-866-269-0907NEWPORT-NEWS.COMSPIEGEL.COMTALBOTSthe new catalogs came out size xs-2-18

(29)
Ronni,
January 8, 2008 8:21 PM

what to do

If everyone here is going to complain at least go one step further and submit a comment on Dr. Phil's website and let him know what you think as I plan to do and pass along this article and we can really get things moving. Just by the way, I have six daughters who look beautiful every day but not remotely slutty because I don't think it's a mitzvah to be ugly but that their complete beauty should be saved for their husbands.

(28)
Ellen,
January 8, 2008 2:23 PM

Finding modest clothes

Here in Phoenix, Arizona is a very large Mormon community and the moms were sick and tired of the awful too-sexy clothes for their teenage girls. En masse they wrote, called and protested to Dillars and Macy's and those department stores, in select areas of town, did indeed start carrying additional lines of clothing that were more traditional and tasteful. So it can be done! Good luck to all!!

i read your book Return To Modesty, and absolutely loved it. i loved this article, too. as a teenage girl, i'm often pressured to act in a way that i don't feel comfortable. it gets very confusing sometimes, with so many people trying to give you advice, and the advice you get from one person often contradicts the advice you get from another.in school, i've learned about dressing and acting modestly, but i never really understood it until i read your book. i realized what damage girls like me are doing to themselves by behaving the way they do. i recommended the book to a friend of mione who is struggling with modesty issues, but she refused to read it! she didn't want to hear what damage she is causing to herself, because she is scared to try to change. i know it's hard, but i just don't understand her. why would she hurt herslef like that?Ms. Shalit, i know you get this a lot, but i think you're very brave to have the courage to write books and articles on a topic like modesty. you're going against what the whole world is screaming for me to do. what a relief! finally, someone is pressuring me to do the right thing for once!thank you so much. you've really enriched my life.

(25)
Valarae,
January 7, 2008 9:08 PM

but WHERE do I find modest apparel????

I have my own 13 year old with a very nice figure who absolutely refuses to show it off. We search and search for modest clothing but it is getting nearly impossible to find. Anyone know a place to purchase traditional rise jeans and pants in sizes for teenage girls? If I knew how I would start my own company!

(24)
Malka,
January 7, 2008 8:15 PM

Excellent, Food for Thought

I was a proud virgin till I got married at 26. I liked to dress modestly and when I didn't I felt I was being appraised for what I 'look like' and 'sexual potential', not for what I am. I told one of my daughters who likes to dress seductively immodest, "Yes you look very good but does anyone really know the real you . . . ?"

(23)
suzan,
January 7, 2008 6:49 PM

It's time for us to take back our respect and dignity. With modest yet stylish clothing and modest behavior, we can be seen as smart and strong women instead of sex objects

(22)
Rachel M,
January 7, 2008 4:42 PM

school uniforms

This clearly follows the story of teenage girls who were glad to wear school uniforms, but the parents (the mothers) were not. "Uniforms don't allow for my daughter's individuality & creativity." How many girls dress like they are "ladies of the night," not young girls. Shame on you Dr. Phil!

(21)
Debi,
January 7, 2008 2:02 PM

Older women "gone mild"

Try being 47 years old and dating...or not! I've learned my lessons the hard way about dressing modestly and not putting out. It really disappoints me that even so-called gentlemen still expect sex after a few dates. I'd rather not date anymore than have to explain that I am saving myself for my husband-to-be who will care enough to wait. Perhaps we need to start an education campaign for men as well!

(20)
Beverly Kurtin,
January 7, 2008 1:28 PM

HUH?

What kind of a mother tells her sane daughter to wear tighter clothes because boys like them? What kind of a mother tells her daughter to go to bars? I guess they want their daughters to marry men who will treat them like whores because that is what they would look like. Too many praises cannot be heaped on the daughter's refusal to wear tight clothing or go to bars.

(19)
Melody W,
January 7, 2008 10:00 AM

Who Cares about Doc Phil?

I'm sorry, but Dr. Phil is a conceited airbag whose entire audience is made up of bored women who obviously have nothing better to do in the middle of the day. The few times I've seen his show have been when I've been very ill and stayed home from work. The same goes for the myriad of other daytime interview shows. Why should this be a big deal? If Ms. Shalit has a message then let her express it as she has, via books and articles read by intelligent people who can actually formulate their own opinions on the subject!

As for the watchers of Dr. Phil etc... its not the clothes these girls are wearing but the spoiled brat attitude that their parents have instilled in them by giving in to their every whim since birth. By the time these kids are teens or tweens they are too far gone to have their parents suddenly say "no, you can't wear that". Furthermore, it is no surprise that these couch potato mommies have raised children who probably watch too much tv and get their sense of style and lack of modesty from the tube. A child raised to understand that their brains and behavior are their most important assets and who have no been spoiled rotten are the ones who will be covering up when they go to school. This being said you have to start early and teach girls especially to cultivate their brains. Don't just take the Barbies away, just also give them some legos and books and art supplies.... Give them a chance to express themselves in multiple ways and to explore who they on the inside so that later on they won't be seeking validation from men by looking skanky on the outside.

(18)
Marcy,
January 7, 2008 9:41 AM

Thanks Avigail

Thanks Avigail for sharing your thoughts on this matter.p.s. What type of psychologist are you?

(17)
Dovid,
January 7, 2008 8:20 AM

Good for Business

Much of the disfunction of American society is caused by the absence of moral boundries. Human beings do not function well when their spirtual nature is not nourished but instead is encouraged to atrophy. Dr Phil is self-serving in promoting this type of behavior. Where would he and his show be without disfunction?

(16)
Sarah,
January 6, 2008 9:00 PM

Refreshing!

How refreshing for someone to write a book on this - and to know that morals are making a comeback among teenagers!

I'm a 30 year-old virgin, and I'm SO glad that I am! I'm a huge romantic, and if I ever do fall in love someday and get married, I will be so glad I waited to share that sacred and bonding experience with my husband only. I value myself and my future husband - I am for his eyes only (if he's out there, that is! hehe).

I love the concept of dressing modestly as well. Personally, I love feeling like and dressing like a lady. (Not dressing boring, mind you, just "ladylike.") Doing so makes me feel classy, feminine, respectable, and lets others know that I value myself. I love books on ladylike behavior, etiquette, etc. Being a lady is just more fun. It's makes me feel like royalty. I'm definitely "not" missing out by "being good." :)

(15)
Avigayil,
January 6, 2008 7:28 PM

Well Done and keep up the good work

It's fantastic to see this is going on, and fantastic that adults cannot support these girls - ABOUT TIME! I'm sick of media telling us that this is what young people want. As a psychologist, I'm glad for this healthy change, as I often see the damage girls have done to themselves through immodest and sexual behaviour. Shame to Dr Phil for going along with his storey and ignoring this voice.

(14)
Anonymous,
January 6, 2008 1:27 PM

Dr. Phil aims for sensationalism & ratings!

Phil McGraw pretends to be a great healer promoting decency & good, moral values -- but he's just a ratings-driven huckster like the rest of them. Actually, he's even worse, because he purports to be a "good guy" while deliberately setting up & profiting from gratuitous bad scenes & situations at the expense of his poor victims! I remember being especially appalled once when he put a terrified battered woman in a car, being filmed by Dr. Phil's crew as she headed toward a dangerous but unnecessary encounter with her abuser!!! If he truly wanted to help this woman, instead of sending her into the heart of the fray (while subjecting her to avoidable anxiety & danger), he could/SHOULD have simply helped her get away from the offender without choreographing a confrontational situation that was totally staged & set up for his own selfish publcity-garnering purposes! I despise this man & his charades & masquerades -- for being a wolf in sheep's clothing! His license as a professional practitioner should be closely scrutinized & his credibility called on the carpet for what he does with/to people on his show in the name of "helping" them!

(13)
Ah'aron,
January 6, 2008 12:34 PM

did you send this to the "expert" or to his good friend Oprah ??

(12)
Carolyn,
January 6, 2008 11:44 AM

Bravo Wendy!

By teaching modesty our girls will learn self value and respect. Bravo Wendy, this point of view presented to our young women puts them in step with G-d's design.

(11)
Sorah Birnbaum,
January 6, 2008 10:42 AM

You are the voice of a groundswell that is growing!

Wendy,

Keep up the wonderful writing and pubilicity for this all important topic. You are the voice for these poor kids who are clueless. Perhaps their parents will also wake up.

(10)
Eliyahu,
January 6, 2008 10:31 AM

Marketing teen sexuality

I've been amazed at how much even the toy market has shifted toward marketing sexuality to pre-teen children. The "Bratz" dolls and related toys are a prime example. When my wife and I walked past a display of Bratz dolls at the grocery store recently (yes, even grocers are pushing them), she glanced at them and asked me why any parent would buy what appears to be a teenage-prostitute doll for a young child? What sort of games will a girl play with such a doll?

(9)
Anonymous,
January 6, 2008 10:25 AM

Will Retailer Give Girls A Choice?

I have been very fortunate, my daughters always used discretion when choosing their clothing. But retailers did not make that easy. Buying a pair of pants that fit (within reason) was an exhausing search. Many schools do not support parents or "other girls" who want to dress modestly. The schools have dress codes, but many don't adhere to it. Even when I had children in a religious school, skirts were rolled up to beachwear length. Now, at that particular school the kids all wear pants. As for Dr. Phil, what a disappointment. Where are your values DP?

(8)
Gabriel,
January 6, 2008 10:03 AM

I'm a father of five (1 boy, 4 girls)I am glad to see that more of the up and coming generation is regaining some modest attributes and practices. My girls are mesmorized by the siren's call of the Disney Princess', magical kisses, and scantily-clad belly dancers parading as role-models. When more women realize the power of modesty their sexuality, spirituality, and self-worth will be far more attractive and mirror that of Esther. Hopefully saving a generation and people worth saving.

(7)
ec,
January 6, 2008 9:49 AM

Loved it!!!!!!

I've been an admirer of Wendy Shalit since her first book. This article really packed a punch. Thanks for the eye-opener about the media's role through the Dr. Phil example. Now we it's crystal clear what a shallow person he is. Guess it's also to the "benefit" of his taavos if girls dress in a demeaning manner? You write beautifully and please keep on proclaiming your message and giving girls of substance a voice!

(6)
yitz greenman,
January 6, 2008 9:32 AM

she got into the belly of the beast

i'm in the middle of 'girls gone mild' and it's a very sad [but must] read as it reveals the very soft underbelly of our great society. last week i led a discussion with a group of college guys on the topics of the book. it was interesting that on the one hand they are living the sexual lives that she depicts in her book, but on the other hand they ALL saw the complete insanity of the lives that they are leading - and express remorse. it's time for leadership. the sun is setting on a generation of wayward "children", but it's also rising for a generation of those who want a return to normalcy. bravo to shalit for aiding in this healthy revolution.

(5)
Anonymous,
January 6, 2008 9:08 AM

commercial interests

Check out an organization "Coalition for a Commercial-free childhood." They emphatically oppose prematurely and hyper-sexualized products and images marketed to children (e. g., "Bratz"). The horrific mores of the times are not really about "youth culture," they are about making money; Dr. Phil has an agenda to promote. The only way he and others will abandon that agenda is when it stops making him (them) money. We no longer watch tv.

(4)
Libbi,
January 6, 2008 8:51 AM

Keep on going ... it will get somewhere.

It is no surprise that Dr. Phil is just another figure in today's world going along with the masses to keep his ratings up and his popularity strong. I thought perhaps, when he first came onto the scene, that there was tremendous potential there and that he would use his strengths as well as the fact that so many people admire him to promote solid causes in a positive way. He is just another person looking to keep the dollars in his pocket. The fact that he is part of the greater picture of hypocracy should be bothering him to no end ... maybe it does but other issues have taken a front seat. I find it interesting that the producer did not bother to call back Shalit's agent to at least let them know that they would not be used on the show. That already points to a certain mindset that, once that is in place, it is no surprise that other issues are discarded and not valued. It is the little things that go ... then the larger things ... After all, what would one expect otherwise in the cutthroat world of the media?

I applaud Wendy Shalit for her stance and for being unafraid to bring these issues out into the open. Kudos to her as well as the publishing houses that have gone so far as to support her as well as publish her work.

It is no secret that what affects us as the Jewish people affects the world at large and what affects the world at large affects the Jewish people. Any dent, no matter how tiny, that can be made in the whole concept of the fact that less (clothes) and more (sex) is better can have a powerful impact on society as we know it. Many obstacles exist such as the power of the masses, the seduction of being part of the rat race, the power of public figures like Dr. Phil, the power of the media and Hollywood and the value placed on the almighty dollar. But one crack ... one fissure ... one person ... then another and another ... that can make all the difference.

(3)
Chaya,
January 6, 2008 8:35 AM

Send to Dr. Phil

I hope this article was sent to Dr. Phil! But just in case it wasn't - send it on to him!!

(2)
Leah,
January 6, 2008 8:19 AM

Parents -- please read Wendy's books!

Both of Wendy Shalit's books are wonderful reference points for understanding modern US youth culture and for figuring out reasonable ways to respond. For the love of your children, read them so you understand what they are facing. Life is much different for teens now than even 20 years ago. For gifts, I recommend "A Return to Modesty" for teenage girls and "Girls Gone Mild" to their parents. They won't be disappointed!

(1)
jamie,
January 6, 2008 5:57 AM

every college student and parent of college student needs to read this!

Hats off to Aish.com for directly dealing with this issue, and to Wendy Shalit for taking a strong stance and educating our children, and hopefully ourselves.

I live in rural Montana where the Cholov Yisrael milk is difficult to obtain and very expensive. So I drink regular milk. What is your view on this?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Jewish law requires that there be rabbinic supervision during the milking process to ensure that the milk comes from a kosher animal. In the United States, many people rely on the Department of Agriculture's regulations and controls as sufficiently stringent to fulfill the rabbinic requirement for supervision.

Most of the major Kashrut organizations in the United States rely on this as well. You will therefore find many kosher products in America certified with a 'D' next to the kosher symbol. Such products – unless otherwise specified on the label – are not Cholov Yisrael and are assumed kosher based on the DOA's guarantee.

There are many, however, do not rely on this, and will eat only dairy products that are designated as Cholov Yisrael (literally, "Jewish milk"). This is particularly true in large Jewish communities, where Cholov Yisrael is widely available.

Rabbi Moshe Feinstein wrote that under limited conditions, such as an institution which consumes a lot of milk and Cholov Yisrael is generally unavailable or especially expensive, American milk is acceptable, as the government supervision is adequate to prevent non-kosher ingredients from being added.

It should be added that the above only applies to milk itself, which is marketed as pure cow's milk. All other dairy products, such as cheeses and butter, may contain non-kosher ingredients and always require kosher certification. In addition, Rabbi Feinstein's ruling applies only in the United States, where government regulations are considered reliable. In other parts of the world, including Europe, Cholov Yisrael is a requirement.

There are additional esoteric reasons for being stringent regarding Cholov Yisrael, and because of this it is generally advisable to consume only Cholov Yisroel dairy foods.

In 1889, 800 Jews arrived in Buenos Aires, marking the birth of the modern Jewish community in Argentina. These immigrants were fleeing poverty and pogroms in Russia, and moved to Argentina because of its open door policy of immigration. By 1920, more than 150,000 Jews were living in Argentina. Juan Peron's rise to power in 1946 was an ominous sign, as he was a Nazi sympathizer with fascist leanings. Peron halted Jewish immigration to Argentina, introduced mandatory Catholic religious instruction in public schools, and allowed Argentina to become a haven for fleeing Nazis. (In 1960, Israeli agents abducted Adolf Eichmann from a Buenos Aires suburb.) Today, Argentina has the largest Jewish community in Latin America with 250,000, though terror attacks have prompted many young people to emigrate. In 1992, the Israeli Embassy in Buenos Aires was bombed, killing 32 people. In 1994, the Jewish community headquarters in Buenos Aires was bombed, killing 85 people. The perpetrators have never been apprehended.

Be aware of what situations and behaviors give you pleasure. When you feel excessively sad and cannot change your attitude, make a conscious effort to take some action that might alleviate your sadness.

If you anticipate feeling sad, prepare a list of things that might make you feel better. It could be talking to a specific enthusiastic individual, running, taking a walk in a quiet area, looking at pictures of family, listening to music, or reading inspiring words.

While our attitude is a major factor in sadness, lack of positive external situations and events play an important role in how we feel.

[If a criminal has been executed by hanging] his body may not remain suspended overnight ... because it is an insult to God (Deuteronomy 21:23).

Rashi explains that since man was created in the image of God, anything that disparages man is disparaging God as well.

Chilul Hashem, bringing disgrace to the Divine Name, is one of the greatest sins in the Torah. The opposite of chilul Hashem is kiddush Hashem, sanctifying the Divine Name. While this topic has several dimensions to it, there is a living kiddush Hashem which occurs when a Jew behaves in a manner that merits the respect and admiration of other people, who thereby respect the Torah of Israel.

What is chilul Hashem? One Talmudic author stated, "It is when I buy meat from the butcher and delay paying him" (Yoma 86a). To cause someone to say that a Torah scholar is anything less than scrupulous in meeting his obligations is to cause people to lose respect for the Torah.

Suppose someone offers us a business deal of questionable legality. Is the personal gain worth the possible dishonor that we bring not only upon ourselves, but on our nation? If our personal reputation is ours to handle in whatever way we please, shouldn't we handle the reputation of our nation and the God we represent with maximum care?

Jews have given so much, even their lives, for kiddush Hashem. Can we not forego a few dollars to avoid chilul Hashem?

Today I shall...

be scrupulous in all my transactions and relationships to avoid the possibility of bringing dishonor to my God and people.

With stories and insights,
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