I bumped into an ex the other day and we ended up grabbing a few drinks. Later in the evening, she whipped out an old box of notes I had left her when we were younger and reading them gave me perspective as to how much I have changed over what is coming close to a decade. I seemed really laid back and optimistic. Today I can't drive down the road without actually wishing death on some jackass in front of me or help but make snarky comments about the people around me being dumb.

Thing is, I never had anything particularly life changing happen in terms of being royally screwed over or depressing and I am curious if becoming cynical is just a natural change in response to experience and knowledge or if I am just becoming a jerk on my own accord.

I am the same way. I used to be so carefree and whimsical, almost to a fault. Always looking for the next party, I just wanted to have fun and be with others that want to have a good time and enjoy life.

These days, I'm the driver cursing every dipshit on the road out as well. Just today, my car broke down AGAIN (second time this month, first it was the crankshaft temp sensor, today I have the good fortune of it being the fuel pump) right on West Valley Highway on my way to work, at a stoplight. Of course, the light turns green, I have my emergency blinkers on, trying in vain to pull over to the left turn lane at least but instead of anyone trying to help, I get honked at, and worse, FLIPPED OFF by BOTH cars behind me (and both women just for the record).

I want to still preach the love and light I grew into spiritually after my sister and father were killed in car accidents but that wisdom has taken a back seat. From bombings to all that is wrong with human beings I am just sick and tired of the proliferation of dirt bags and mean people who take up space and valuable oxygen and resources.

You go from age 20 where all options are available to being 40 and your life is locked in--spouse, kids, job, life, none are going to change (and if they do it's a major stressful catastrophe, most likely).

Tough to be an optimist when the big picture is unchanging. Your only day-to-day influence is on the small stuff and most of it is so damned annoying you cannot help but become cynical to it.

"The past is a foreign country: they do things differently there."---LP Hartley

i'm with ya... i don't mind change, but i would venture to call most of the changes in our society i've seen since i was younger progress....some changes are just to hard to adjust to, so i have withdrawn a bit more from society, and where i once was very outgoing, i now spend most of my time at home in the evenings..

I was an optimist and free spirited fellow. Always trying to see the positive in people but that little thing called reality always rears its ugly head and you realize that how you treat and deal with people may not be how they choose to deal with you. I guess most of it is survival mode or entitlement or the need to feel superior? Who knows?

I remember how I thought as a young man and what I have become as a middle-aged man. In my mind's eye I am still the youthful, hopeful romantic. But in reality I am disappointed and not as noble as I thought I would remain all my life. I have made mistakes and had heartbreaks. I still tend to look to the bright side, I just realize I won't be the main cog in the next flow of dynamic changes impacting this world.

I can now understand elders frustration when I was young and my generation didn't want to listen to the old fogies. Now I am that old duffer and no matter how brilliant and wise I may feel I am, my words fall on deaf ears. So I chill on the side line and watch out for the snakes. Still cannot believe I got took for $1K helping out a fellow man due to my silly desire to help spread an idea of I got your back. Other folks may care but given a choice of their survival or doing what is right, they often will chose self. You cannot blame them but it adds to the cynicism.

I think I'm nicer than I was in my youth, as I understand people a lot better and see everyone as the flawed, insecure, damaged people they are. I'm a hell of a lot smarter than I was back then, and I don't miss most of that rampant stupidity. I'm not sure I miss the mindset as much as I miss what mattered to me, which was writing antagonizing papers, partying and women. What was there to be really stressed about?

Did I change or did the natural progression of life occur? Responsibility is heaped on you, you can't go out every night, you have a job, then a spouse, then a home, then kids, grandkids, all of these responsibilities to juggle. For a lot of people, its easy to get caught up in that, to not have fun anymore, because there is so much to worry about, you can't really relax. You get cynical, resentful, whistful and nostalgic for times that were "fun" and "carefree". I get that. We all get a little jaded over time. But really, my wife has a sister who is 15(She was a mistake), I don't look at her and go, "Ah, the innocence of youth", I instead think, "You are an idiot, but that's ok right now."

Young people are plenty cynical as well. There's cynicism from lack of willpower which is more common in older people as you guys get spent from numerous responsibilities and commitments piling up. But there's also cynicism from varieties of ignorance, like not knowing how to make good out of failures, and that type doesn't really care how old we are.