Hot Hubby and I have combined our families and now are juggling 7 children and 10 grandchildren. Fortunately or unfortunately, they are spread out across the world, so we can only have them in small groups. Our Christmas vacation was filled with my daughters and parents. Whenever I get a group together, I only have one goal. A good group picture.

Now, I am known for making my children pose and pose and pose, until I take the perfect picture. But they are getting smarter and more resilient in their resistance. Hot Hubby has taken on their resistance and only guarantees 10 smiles. On Christmas Eve, we had a gloriously sunny day and headed to our local park/mountain for a photo session. We used a tripod and posed in multiple settings. The best picture was taken at the last minute, when we quickly jumped out of the car and had a stranger take the shot. All of that posing and planning for nothing.

I find that the best pictures are the spontaneous ones. Which do you think turned out best? Do you have any advice for capturing a crowd?

As I look at young married couples, I see two people, deeply in love who slowly begin to notice the changes they would like to make in their spouse. He would be great, if he would just learn to be more handy around the house. She would be great, if she would just ask Mom for some of her recipes. It reminds me of the Queen of Hearts in Alice in Wonderland, who wants red roses, when she has beautiful white roses.

We can get to a point where a “but” follows everything we think about our spouse. I love that my husband is a hard worker, but I wish he helped more with the housework. I am so proud of my wife’s cooking, but I hate cleaning up the dishes. I loved my trip to Disneyland, but I had to wait in a line for every ride. You see how the but, diminishes the happy feelings?

Maybe it is because we found each other later in life, but Hot Hubby and I are clear that we married a person that isn’t going to change. We are still in the process of melding our two lives, so we occasionally have to talk about how we do things. Hot Hubby will begin by saying, “Do we have a way that we (insert topic like “load the dishwasher”)? Then I will think about it. If it “has” to be my way and I am willing to take this task as “mine” for eternity, then I will say “Yes, I really like it this way. Let me do it for you.” If I am not willing to take the task for eternity and never correct how it is done, then I say, “What do you recommend?” We talk about how each of us would do it, then we decide on how “we” are going to do it going forward.

At work, I see a lot of arranged marriages that thrive and last. My coworkers explain that in America, you fall in love and then you spend your life falling out of love. In their culture, you get married and then you spend a lifetime falling in love with your spouse.

I am going to spend my time enjoying the white roses and falling in love with my Hot Hubby everyday.