Posts Tagged ‘sexual education’

Every time I post a comment on a new’s feed on Facebook people will say to me ” Your profile picture is a contradiction. It’s silly and ironic that you say you are a feminist while you self objectify with your online image.” My online image has been a problem for me, you see others in the professional world judge me as self objectifying and so they believe this gives them an excuse to treat me with no respect or even to dehumanize me. Because of other’s judging me through a lens of ignorance I am treated by them with total disrespect, as they assume I don’t respect myself because I glorify my body and sexuality.

To get to the point. When a woman acknowledges her femininity and sexuality she isn’t objectifying herself she is whole, she understands that she is her body and her sexuality and is loving her femininity or womanhood. A woman who hates her body and runs away or denies her femininity and sees her sexuality as bad, evil, sinful or slutty is in fact practicing internalized misogyny, she thinks that stepping into her sexuality of femininity will make her less of a person or even dehumanize her to herself and to others. A woman that is internalizing misogyny is often the one calling other women who are comfortable in their bodies, sexuality and sexual expression .. sluts and whores..because she fears being called this herself by others.

Women who have internalized misogyny will often call themselves feminist, and these feminist often man up or make themselves unfeminine, these feminist often tell women who glorify and honor their femininity and sexuality that they are self objectifying and don’t deserve respect or to be taken seriously. Often these women will rage and rant online and off line about women who are whole and healthy in their sexuality because they are afraid to step into their own bodies and own themselves as whole beings.

The patriarchy; a male base social power system that runs society objectifies women by putting women into their lens of approval. Media and the entertainment industry use women to make money while paying them a fraction of what they make off of women’s sexuality. Religion and State mandate women’s wombs and bodies, and that says that women are objects. Women are either virgins or whores through the lens of patriarchy.. we are not whole human beings and our bodies are not our own to regulate as far as they are concerned. And so it is through the lens of other’s judgments that we are objectified… being sexy and sensual as a woman is not self objectification, rather it is being whole and healthy, natural and comfortable in your own skin.

The sad part about female internalized misogyny is that women have been brainwashed into hating their own bodies and sexuality as well as hating on other women. Through internalized misogyny we see other women blaming other women for being raped by judging them as asking for it by the way they present themselves as objects of desire, this is rape culture thinking.

To get down to the point of this post.. a beautiful and sexy woman isn’t self objectifying but rather you are projecting your internalized misogyny onto her ( if you are a woman ) or projecting your misogyny onto her ( if you are a man )

Misogynist believe that woman are here for men, that we exist for the male gaze and for male approval and that women don’t have a voice, a personality or a thought unless it has been given and validated by a man.

The patriarchy hates the feminine because it fears loosing power and control should the feminine rise to an equal balance with the masculine..and that is why the feminine and the feminine sex is repressed by hate speech, violence and rape..

But the world needs the feminine to rise so that all of humanity can become healthy, healed and whole.. so next time you see a woman expressing her femininity respect her because she is actually saving humanity from the brutality of the patriarchy, and in a spiritual understanding she is a Goddess, she is honoring The Divine Feminine.

Unhealthy sexuality is defined by the fact that it causes sexual dysfunction like perversion. Perversion can be defined as obsessive and repulsive acts like having sex with animals, pedophilia, necrophilia, rape.. etc. Sexual addiction is also unhealthy sexuality as it becomes self destructive. Sexual addiction completely takes over a person’s life, like all other addictions they live their lives totally out of balance for the next rush or high that they get from sex. Sexually transmitted diseases are obviously another form of unhealthy sexuality and the more random one’s partners the higher the risk towards becoming infected with multiple STDs.

Sacred sexuality teaches us to temper our lusts with wisdom and love. Through a spiritual lens we understand the body and it’s practical functions as also sacred and holy. Sex is never just sex as it is the energy of two souls becoming alchemised as one. Lust for the sake of just pure animal impulses is seen as lower or dense energy.. lust that is channeled into love through the bridge of emotional intimacy can be used to create a long lasting and meaningful relationships. By seeing sex as sacred we make what would be seen religiously as profane, holy. But by being selective with whom we share our bodies and soul’s energy with we also create a physically healthy sexuality and emotionally healthy sexuality.

Sacred sexuality isn’t steeped in the dogma of religion or even in the dogma of tantra …. but in the practicality of the wisdom of seeing the flesh and soul as one.

The issue with having too many sexual partners is becoming numb towards true intimacy.. seeing sex as simply a physical act can make many people learn over time to push away or deny their emotions towards the people that they are having sex with.. and that is why in today’s ” Hook up ” culture society as a whole has become intimacy deprived or even retarded. By calling society emotionally retarded it means that we have become impaired towards making emotional and even intellectual connections in our personal romantic relationships, because we have learned over time to deny our emotions. We have learned through the hook up culture to deny our hearts desires to deeply, and intimately connect to one another on a soulful level.

With leaving the heart and soul out of sexuality we have forgotten how to be sensual and empowered by our sexuality rather than to be driven by it, channel it rather than have it drive us off course towards dysfunction and addiction.

Sex is powerful energy and we must learn to use it wisely and to respect it as a force of nature.. much like fire ..if you play with it and handle it without respect and care you will get burned by it.

The rule of sacred sex is that it does no harm to you or to others; not just on a physical level but on an emotional level. The problem with having sex for just the sake of lust is that eventually someone gets hurt physically with disease or emotionally by being denied the love of the other. There is always cause and effect in the Universe.. eventually the karma of what you have denied for the sake of lust will catch up and connect with you towards an intense spiritual lesson.. so be responsible towards how you play with the deep cosmic energy of sexuality, by being conscious and aware we can use our sexuality to create a heaven on earth.. in a practical and spiritual sense.

I was just having a conversation about women’s sexuality with my 16 yo daughter over a dinner of homemade nachos.. she came out of her room demanding to be fed just half hour before..saying ” Mom when are you going to make food?” Teenagers are strange animals. They hide in their rooms until feeding time.

So as we ate we talked about ” The Game of Thrones” about how she and her 14 yo sister are not allowed to watch it because of the almost pornographic sex scenes. Then my oldest said ” We watched people actually have sex in a documentary at school mom; penises and vaginas are not pretty and romantic at all..” then I said jokingly ” It depends on who’s junk it is.” my 14 yo thought that was funny. Then my 16 yo said ” Girls don’t want or like sex as much as guys do mom.” I told her this..

Most women and girls do like sex just as much as men and most women and girls are just as visual as men. Penis size does matter to most women unless she actually does have a lower sex drive .. that does happen to some women and men equally, but most of the time women need an average size penis to be satisfied. The problem with dating or being in a relationship with a man that has a much smaller than average penis is that he will more than likely be very insure and suffer from having a complex. Complexes make people act out, or project their insecurities onto their lovers.

The difference with men and women is due to how society portrays both the sexes sexuality. Men are free to express their sexuality and by watching porn and other media they are taught and encouraged to put women into one of two categories ( Good Girl or Bad Girl ) women are also slut shamed into seeing themselves as being possibly branded by society into ( Bad Girl or Slut.. asking for it..that is disrespect ) if they should express their sexuality as freely as a man would..

For instance a woman is judged for showing too much skin..even at the beach were she is expected to wear a swim suit..but a man can walk out in public topless just about anywhere and not be stared at or glared at.. he will not be given negative body language or told to cover up. A man can freely brag about his sex life and talk openly to others about his conquest ..he is free to adventure into many sexual appetites .. while women are given the magic number of 10.. { There was a movie made about that } if a woman sleeps with more than 10 men in her lifetime she is easy and not respecting herself. A woman is judged as not being respectable by how she does or doesn’t control her sexual appetites ..and so we come to the issue of her feeling safe..

If a woman doesn’t feel safe she cannot mentally give herself permission to be sexually aroused. A women’s sexual arousal starts with feeling safe and secure around men. The problem in our society is that men are given the entitlement through being socialized by religion and media to sexually discriminate against, become sexually violent against ( Rape ) or verbally abuse women whom they deem as disrespecting themselves by how they present themselves to them..and so most women would be just as ready to have sex as most men are, if they had the same freedoms to express their sexual nature in our cultures. Of course the more extreme the culture is against women’s sexual expression and therefor freedoms or personal rights.. the more likely it is that these women themselves are sexually repressed from within due to fear.

My daughter also expressed that the girls in her school that only date girls seem to be freer in expressing their sexuality among themselves .. I told her ” It is because other women are less likely to shame their same female partners whom they are having sex with, because they are women to women; they understand the need to feel safe and nurtured to be turned on. It is also much less likely that another women will beat or rape another women due to using sex as a weapon of control. It is quite possible that, that is the reason most girls experiment with girls or even prefer girls to men.. it is because they feel safe.”

So how do we stop this from happening?

The answer is by me writing things like this; society needs to be educated. Also by women like me walking free in there sexuality.

I had someone ask me today if I do sex work because I told them my book and website are based on women’s sexuality and sacred sexuality.. but do you see how ignorant the question was? To assume that I sell my body because I write and talk openly in a mature and cultured manner about sexuality.. just shows how far the social stigmas have to go before they are broken down.

But if I was a old lady with a million PHDs.. basically not sexy .. it would be acceptable of course.. because society views women’s sexuality as too potent and hot.. too taboo..

How silly is that?

So we have made women world wide stifle their sexuality in fear and then men complain when it’s hard to get some.. oh the irony!

I was having a conversation with another woman at my gym about sexual harassment.. how a young woman can be walking down the street looking pretty in a summer dress to have a guy cat call at her ” Nice tits! ” She said to me ” I just won’t put myself in that situation ” I had to bite my tongue hard. I have to keep my opinions neutral at my gym because I have had problems in other gyms..and my workouts are my sanctuary from the fucked up world.. so I just said ” No woman put’s herself into that situation.. men put her into the situation by creating the situation due to their ignorance, arrogance and their sexual aggression.”

But that’s how many people in my community of Kelowna BC view me.. or judge me.. as putting myself into the situation of asking for it.. asking for sexual harassment.. what they don’t have is the intelligence to see is that shining a light on the problem; by diving into it head first, will lead to the solution to the problem.. because the problem exists with or with out me writing about women’s sexuality or publishing my sensual professional photography.. the problem is much bigger than me or any one woman..as it affects all women world wide..and it has for millenniums.. the problem is ignorance.

I was also talking to another women before that.. and she said to me ” Gracie you are such an intelligent woman..it must be so difficult for you trying to get people to comprehend ..who are not able or willing.. I think the world is a very frustrating place for intelligent people like yourself.” She was so correct and of course it would take another intelligent or aware person to understand the frustration of the shit of ignorance.

Every woman can be thrust into that situation ( sexual harassment ) at anytime.. even if she is alone in her own bedroom.. her home can be broken into and she could be raped and murdered.. women are not safe from the situation until society sheds it’s ignorance and stops blaming her for the situation.. but starts educating men as to them creating the situation due to male entitlement and double standards..but in the same breath other women need to be educated to the fact that their own sex isn’t responsible for the situation put upon them by sexually abusive men.. society in general is sexually abusive and constantly sexually harassing women.. our sexuality is the main selling force behind multiple and major products.. so women have all become sex symbols.. we have become a product vs being people..

But.. the hardest thing to fight isn’t greed or violence ..it’s the ignorance or fear that causes the behaviors..

The most difficult thing about fighting ignorance..is that many don’t have a level of comprehension within them to even know or articulate their own ignorance..

So to wrap it up.. I didn’t put myself in the situation.. the situation put me in the situation ..if I published my story about the situation or not.. the situation existed before me and past me.. but the only way through the puzzle or the matrix of the situation is through the center of it.. it’s right through the eye of the needle.. that’s how to break on through to the other side..and that will be the solution..

DISCLAIMER: The content of this blog is not intended to create libel, defame or cause harm to anyone, thing or organization the writer has written about. This blog is solely the opinion and thoughts of the writer. The writer intends no harm to the subjects as these are the interpretations of the facts as seen by the writer; but they are not absolute.