Best Short Stories eBook

“I have come in to borrow some money from you,”
said the bank president timidly, as he stood before
one of his depositors, nervously twirling his hat
in his hand.

“Ah, yes,” said the depositor, gazing
at him severely. “But you don’t expect
to get it, do you?”

“I had hoped to.”

“What collateral have you to offer?”

“My bank with all the money in it.”

“All the people in the bank?”

“Yes.”

“Please say ‘Yes, sir.’ It
is more respectful.”

“Thank you, sir.”

“Um! Ah! Will you put in your own
family?”

“Yes, sir, I’ll throw in my family also.”

“Your prospects in life? Don’t hesitate,
man. Remember you are up against it.”

“Well, yes, sir.”

“How much money do you want?”

“One thousand dollars.”

“Dear me! For such a small amount as that
I shall have to charge you at least six per cent.
If you were a regular millionaire and wanted, say,
half a million, I could let you have it for three or
four per cent.”

“Yes, sir. I appreciate your generosity.”

The depositor handed the president of the bank, who
was now almost completely bathed in a cold perspiration,
a blank form.

The bank president signed with trembling fingers,
got a piece of paper which entitled him to the privilege
of entertaining a thousand dollars for six months
at his own expense, and withdrew.

Then the depositor, smiling to himself and rubbing
his hands, said:

“Aha! I’ll teach these fellows to
know their places!”

DAD WAS WISE

When the conversation turned to the subject of romantic
marriage this little anecdote was volunteered by H.M.
Asker, a North Dakota politician:

“So you were married ten years ago. Took
place in the church, I suppose, with bridesmaids,
flowers, cake, and the brass band?”

“No; it was an elopement.”

“An elopement, eh? Did the girl’s
father follow you?”

“Yes, and he has been with us ever since.”

KINDNESS

Private Simpkins had returned from the front, to find
that his girl had been walking out with another young
man, and naturally asked her to explain her frequent
promenades in the town with the gentleman.

“Well, dear,” she replied, “it was
only kindness on his part. He just took me down
every day to the library to see if you were killed.”

MORE SCOTCH THRIFT

Harry Lauder tells the following story about a funeral
in Glasgow and a well-dressed stranger who took a
seat in one of the mourning coaches. The other
three occupants of the carriage were rather curious
to know who he was, and at last one of them began
to question him. The dialogue went like this: