new year's resolutions

You want to ensure you have the worst possible 2015? Honey, it’s so easy to do! Just be mindful of these things:

1. Be suspicious

This is your foundational building block to a really horrible year, and here’s how you get started: Imagine that everyone in the world is out to get you. They want to steal your wallet, your passwords and your identity. Given half a chance, everyone out there would do something bad. Be on your guard 24/7. Hyper-vigilance and darting eyes, that’s what’s required.

2. Keep secrets

Since everyone is out to get you, there is no one you can trust. Not even yourself. So don’t say anything to anyone at any time about anything important . For god’s sake, don’t share information with your co-workers – even those on your team – because then they might get something over on you. And, please, please, please don’t tell your spouse what you’re really thinking, or about your spending, or your secret stock accounts. Or about the pool boy. No, keep all that close to the vest, just to make sure you get the year you really want.

3. Lie, cheat and steal

Hey, if they really cared about their stuff, they’d take better care of it! You’ve gotta to get yours, right? By any means necessary, because the ends always justify the means.

4. Expect the worst

Because you know it will probably happen. You didn’t just fall off the turnip truck – you know how things really work. I mean, the day you say you’re happy about something is the very day you’ll get that bad diagnosis, or get in a car crash, or your kid will do something stupid. It’s always been like that and always will be.

5. Know that any compliment you get is a fake

Anyone who compliments you is likely up to no good (See #1, above). They only want something from you, like your money. Or your car. Or to leave you in the morning. Pay special attention to people who say nice things like they believe them – who do they think they are, anyway? They’re so full of crap.

6. Be certain that there’s nothing left to learn

You already know what you’re doing. There’s no reason to learn anything new this year – it’s a waste of time and if you’re not good at it the first try what’s the point? You’re never going to get any better, so why keep doing trying? Better to just know what you know, do it the way you know and keep it at that.

7. Criticize yourself relentlessly

You’re not thin enough. Your calves are really too skinny, though. You haven’t gotten ahead like you should have. Your hair is frizzy. And thinning. You’re old. Or you’re too young to break in. Everyone wears better clothes than you do. See? If you criticize yourself enough then no one can tell you anything you don’t know. Because there’s nothing left to learn (#6), right?

8. & 9. Hide your mistakes and blame others

These two go together because what really works to have a horrible year is pretending you are absolutely perfect and then, if something goes wrong you simply blame it on someone else! Or circumstances out of your control – like… global warming. Or parallel parking. Or spring. And, since you’re already keeping secrets, then hiding mistakes is super easy, and finding someone – anyone – to blame for what may or may not have happened when you were or maybe weren’t even there that day keeps your fingerprints off any mess.

10. You don’t need new friends

Anybody new who wants to be your friend probably has a screw loose or has an agenda (see how suspicious you can be?! You’ve really got that one down!). Friends, schmiends – you already have enough friends, plus people are such a pain. Who needs ’em?

Yes, if you want to have The Worst Year in Your Entire Life simply follow the ten rules above and you will find – with absolute certainty…

It was early Friday morning last week. I was at my desk when it came through, completely unexpected. Totally out of the blue.

Ding! I had a message.

It popped up. <click>I read.

The writer just wanted me to know that she was thinking of me. That she appreciated me. That she values the work I do in the world. She cited a specific example of something she’d observed, and told me the impact it made on her.

It took me a minute to realize that this wasn’t the usual spam solicitation or unwelcome sales message. Rather, it was a lovely, eloquent reminder of who I am and what I do in the world.

I was bowled over, deeply appreciative and hugely validated. What an unexpected, lovely gift!

Now, as we move from one year to the next, you’ll hear many authorities say that this is the time to plan. To organize. To shed. To resolve. And that’s certainly a fine thing to do.

But there’s another wonderful something you could do… why not take a minute and write a note to someone and tell them how much you appreciate them?

Tell them how they have impacted your life.

Tell them you are glad they are here.

Tell them that they are appreciated, valued and seen.

Give them a specific example of when you’ve seen them at their best, and the difference it’s made or is making for you and for others.

Do it by email. Do it with fancy stationery and a fine pen. Do it on the back of a receipt with a crayon. Do it however you can given what you’ve got.

The how if it is less important than the done of it.

You don’t need to anguish about your eloquence or strive to say whatever needs saying perfectly. All you need to do is take a moment to use words which give another human being a sense of meaningful accomplishment, and the keen awareness that they matter.

Because they do. And we all have the power to remind someone – and ourselves – of that, today.

I happen to naturally be more of the former yet over the years have learned to allow some of the latter.

Let me ‘splain.

Here’s what I do: I make a plan. Figure out the building blocks to bring that plan into reality. Get the building blocks in place. Step back and…let go.

Because the nature of the world is that sometimes stuff happens which is even better than my plan. And that’s exactly what I want to happen.

So, this past week I began planning for 2014, using my Personal Planning Tool. Hundreds of you have downloaded it in the last month or so, and I hope you’re having good results. For those who haven’t, now might be a good time to start.

Because – not to freak you out or anything – it’s almost 2014.

And while the Personal Planning Tool takes some time and reflection (it’s not a Cosmo quiz, people), it does yield the kind of action steps I’m particularly fond of.

You know, ones you can actually do.

If you remember my conversation with Harvard’s Dr. Heidi Grant Halvorsen (you can listen here) who wrote the Nine Things Successful People Do Differently, goals need to be specific and you need to be able to know just how far you’ve got to go to get where you want to be.

For me, the Personal Planning Tool did that. It yielded several things I am just not going to worry about next year, and sixteen “things” I do want to pay attention to in 2014. Some are mundane, as in “get an estimate on carpeting” but, boy, will I feel happy when the worn carpets in the bedrooms are finally replaced.

“Feel Happy.” Kind of the point, huh?

Once I get the estimate, I can start figuring out how to swing it financially. Replacing the carpet will stay top-of-mind, and once I accomplish it, I will have bona fide proof that I did something I set out to do.

Which is the kind of awareness that helps us feel capable and competent. And that sense of personal efficacy bleeds over to the rest of our lives.

Kinda like, “Look at me! I got the carpet replaced. Bet I can find a new job, too!”

Two building block tasks coming out of the Personal Planning Tool for me were to do a financial forecast for 2014, and make a list of every client I’ve worked with in 2013. I’m happy to report that both of these things are checked off the list.

<I feel rather smug about that.>

It was actually rather easy to do those two tasks. Once I knew why I wanted to do them, I knocked ’em right off the list. So, see? Your list of Stuff To Do doesn’t have to be a big, bad burden. You don’t have to reduce everything to scratch and start all over.

It can be one-and-done, darlings.

But, oh, done is so very good. “Done” sets you up in a million ways for a great 2014 – a great, flowing, happy, productive, enriching, new carpeting kind of year.