George Lucas is Still Raping Childhoods

If you haven’t heard the sound of millions of Internet voices suddenly crying out in terror and were suddenly silenced, George Lucas has altered the original Star Wars trilogy again for next month’s Blu-ray release, according to Badass Digest‘s Drew Faraci who has confirmed the following changes:

1. Darth Vader yells, “No, noooo!” while The Emperor is electrocuting Luke.
2. Obi-Wan Kenobi’s Krayt Dragon yell now sounds like a pedophile getting his dick caught in a screen door. (Thanks to reader Elvis for that one.)
3. The Ewoks blink now.

Lucas also made changes to the prequels, but no one gives a shit about those, so I don’t know why even mentioned it. But once you see how ridiculously gratuitous the new Obi-Wan edit is, you can’t help but think Lucas is literally fucking with us. At this point, I almost want to see these just to watch how many ridiculous changes he made because he can. I’m talking Han Solo’s a ham sandwich with sideburns and, fuck it, let’s make Luke Skywalker Jar Jar Binks now.

I just gave him more ideas, didn’t I? Shit shit shit shit…*searches for Delete button*

NOTE: While the video is from the DVDs, Badass Digest has confirmed this is the new audio from the Blu-rays in all their rape-tacular goodness.

Or you could get a life and stop pretending that some continuity changes (that you only notice because of nostalgia), will actually negatively affect a new viewers perception on the characters and story.

@Drew And the old viewers, the ones who saw the original and correct version? We don’t count for anything? Walt Whitman wrote Leaves of Grass into the ground over decades until it was a bloated mess. Henry James revised some of his books much like Lucas is going back to his movies: he robbed them of their youth and beauty as a result. It’s not new, but it’s still not right. Even if it works with the story telling continuity, it does not work with the spirit of continuity. Lucas is taking a young man’s spirited movie and injecting sections of old man chunkiness and cynicism, disguised with cool toys and a shallow, cynical “hope.” Once you publish your masterpiece, you leave it the hell alone. To do otherwise is to disrespect the viewers who made you who you are based on those very movies.

you guys ARE aware that the big bad evil meany George Lucas has released the untouched, theatrical editions of the original trilogy on DVD, right? … Right ?

I mean, okay, if your opinion is that revising films is not acceptable, that’s all well and good, but George hasn’t stopped you watching the unaltered editions, and he isn’t raping your childhood or torturing your teddy bear or murdering your innocence or misappropriating your allowance or any other stupidly outlandish metaphor you can come up with.

What’s more pathetic is the self-titled “die hards” will go buy this shit. Again.

If he’s going to make blatant attempts to cash in on Star Wars, do something fun man, like reissue all the actiuon figures again, carbon copy. Don’t touch a fucking thing. Hell, I’d go start buying them again, even though they’re in my attic.

Seriously WTF. He keeps ruining childhood memories. He’s a no talent hack that keeps riding the gravy train of his former success.

Come up with a fresh new idea for films instead of f@@king with the old ones. He will just ruin them more once they are released in 3D in the theaters. You know he’s going to CGI more sh#$ into the films!

BLASPHEMY BLASPHEMY BLASPHEMY! You are a blasphemer George Lucas. May God have mercy on your soul for ruining your only successful franchise.

I hate to break it to you guys but he has been doing re-dos on the Star Wars movies for years. the one that got me was having Jabba the Hutt in episode 4.
also having episode 4 :A New Hope in the prologue instead of just star Wars.

what he should do is have a seperate DVD/Blu-Ray of the original broadcasts to make everyone happy.