Gina Kirschenheiter, seen here on Monday’s episode of “The Real Housewives of Orange County,” at the exact moment she realized Vicki Gunvalson had dropped some Jedi mind-trick wizardry on her. (Courtesy of Bravo)

When “The Real Housewives of Orange County” opened Monday with Tamra Judge’s doctor telling her there’ll be no “whooping it up” until the foot she broke whooping it up on tequila in Mexico is healed, that was our sign that the fourth episode of Season 13 was going to be a let down after the boozy bad behavior of the previous week.

No one fell down, no one cried, and no one got very drunk at all. Other than a bunch of swearing once Gina Kirschenheiter started swilling a rye Old Fashioned, a drink the very existence of which seemed to confuse Tamra, there wasn’t much bad behavior, either.

Or check that, actually, because it was both bad form and kinda gross when Kelly Dodd invited “a spine doctor” she’d met two weekends earlier to crash girls’ night at the Farmhouse Restaurant in Corona del Mar and they end up sucking face at the table. Dr. Richard Paicius is the founder of Newport Beach Headache and Pain which sounds remarkably like the symptoms I experienced watching this episode.

The big storyline of the week was a continuation of Kelly’s anger at Vicki Gunvalson for having fixed up her ex with a friend and then gone on a double date. Never mind that Kelly now has a doctor who might make house calls. Kelly is mad and wants Vicki to grovel — and anyone who has ever watched the series knows ain’t gonna happen, no way, no how.

Still, Vicki wants to smooth things over, so she more or less apologizes, leading to the following exchange.

I made a mental note that if Kelly kept that promise I’d swear that no matter the mileage, all the housewives have their original parts – it would be a lie, but I’d say it – but Kelly breaks that promise the very next time she saw Vicki. Because of course she did.

There was one amazing moment of zen-like clarity delivered in a Long Island accent in the episode, though, which even though it came at the end of the hour made it all worthwhile.

At girls night Gina had criticized Vicki’s handling of the Kelly-ex-hookup situation in no uncertain terms and many certain vulgarities. “I’m not a lawyer but that (stuff’s) girl code,” she started off with, and then talking about a hypothetical girl code violator who did what Vicki did declared, “What a (bleepin’) loser is she?”

Tamra warned Gina the next day that Vicki wasn’t going to take that kind of stuff, to which Gina bragged that maybe Vicki ought to be scared of her. Ha! Long Island Gina has no idea of the tiger she’s poking with her well-manicured tips.

Gina and Vicki meet for a walk, and Gina thinks she has the upper hand in the conversation when – boom! – Vicki, who like Gina is not a lawyer, has her in a verbal checkmate of acknowledging the validity of Vicki’s position.

“California women, it’s a Jedi mind trick,” Gina tells the cameras later, still trying to figure out how Vicki flipped the game on her. “You confront them about something that’s clearly outrageous, selfish, and just like totally (jerky), and somehow they, like, twist it on you and all of a sudden you’re, like, the bad person.

“It is so impressive, and I will master and just, like, Jedi mind trick all of these California (meanies),” she says.

Good luck with that, G, and never forget what we all learned in the first season, hanging out with our housewives on the mean streets of Coto de Caza: “You come at the queen, you best not miss.”

And now, RHOC by the numbers … .

Tears: Zero!

Question: If a housewife doesn’t cry on TV does she even exist?

Drinks: 4 (that we saw) 🍹🍸🍷🍾

That would be a rye Old Fashioned for Gina, a Grey Goose and soda for Shannon, a glass of wine for Tamra, and champagne for Emily.

Falling down: Zero!

I may have to re-watch the episode to make sure Vicki hasn’t ditched her Valentino booties for Birkenstocks. Otherwise this makes no sense.

Inappropriate behavior: 2 👿👿

In addition to Kelly and Dr. Pain smashing their mouths all over each other we had Vicki, Tamra and Shannon doing an out-of-sync “Three Amigos”-style salute that ended with Shannon grabbing her own b-b-bosom.

Swearing: 21 🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬

A few of these were in flashbacks, but that’s offset by the fact that it took Gina one Old-Fashioned to make up for lost time and drop at least half of these.

Peter Larsen has been the Pop Culture Reporter for the Orange County Register since 2004, finally achieving the neat trick of getting paid to report and write about the stuff he's obsessed about pretty much all his life. He regularly covers the Oscars and the Emmys, goes to Comic-Con and Coachella, reviews pop music, and conducts interviews with authors and actors, musicians and directors, a little of this and a whole lot of that. He grew up, in order, in California, Arkansas, Kentucky and Oregon. Graduated from Lewis and Clark College in Portland, Ore. with degrees in English and Communications. Earned a master's degree at the Medill School of Journalism at Northwestern University. Earned his first newspaper paycheck at the Belleville (Ill.) News-Democrat, fled the Midwest for Los Angeles Daily News and finally ended up at the Orange County Register. He's taught one or two classes a semester in the journalism and mass communications department at Cal State Long Beach since 2006. Somehow managed to get a lovely lady to marry him, and with her have two daughters. And a dog named Buddy. Never forget the dog.