You Will Never Be Able to Unsee This Guy's INSANE Bathing Suit

Consider this a warning.

Most Read

Don't say you weren't warned, because this is real life. Meet Bobby Norris and his Speedon't. Norris is part of the ensemble cast of British reality TV show The Only Way Is Essex (TOWIE for short). For the sake of context, TOWIE is a show that takes the modern-day equivalent of Dickensian poorhouse workers and exalts their lifestyle like it's Real Housewives of New Jersey-worthy; British people (myself included) love watching.

Every year, special TOWIE episodes film in the sunny Spanish coastal town of Marbella. It's one of the many European vacation spots British people visit to get belligerently drunk and dangerously sunburned on their summer vacation, sullying their country's reputation further and further with each bar brawl and garish bikini.

And yes, the swimwear. Here's a close look at this mystifyingly terrible and maybe even gravity-defying banana hammock in particular:

It appears to cup the testicles snugly, sure, and direct the wearer's penile shaft in whichever direction its "waistband" is headed. It then wraps under within the asscrack and through the perineum — leaving the wearer with a presumably permanent wedgie sensation and very likely to get an intimate rash. It's a swimwear Mobius strip of awfulness, basically. But hey, it makes a STATEMENT, right?! Reality TV cameras love this kind of shit, and so here's Bobby again with his boyfriend Harry Derbidge. After all, the couple who'll wear stunt looks like this together clearly bond on a very *~DEEP level: