ASK AMY: After marriage and baby, friend wants his pal back

Dear Amy: I’ve been friends with a guy since high school. We’re now in our early 30s. Within the span of a year, my friend met someone, they moved in together, got married and had a child. I thought they were moving too fast at every step of the way because they were panicking. Being in their 30s scared them.

I talked to my friend at each event and told him I thought he was moving too fast. I wanted him to realize that he was rushing into these momentous occasions and, although I support him, he should really think about it. For some of these choices, like having a kid, there is no turning back.

My friend seems happy, but they’re now a couple. Whenever I text him, he and she reply to me in a group text. Whenever I want to coordinate a night to watch TV with him, she wants to pick a night where they can come over with the baby. She likes me, but I just want to hang out with my friend. She makes this impossible, and he’s OK with it because he loves her and wants to include her in everything.

I know that some friendships just hit a dead end and I feel like this is the case. I’ve dealt with break-ups when it comes to relationships, but how do I break up with a friend? Do I make one final plea that I want alone time with my friend and cause problems between all of us?

— Casper

Dear Casper: I’ll be blunt. You have not been a supportive friend. Stopping your friend at each major life-turn to tell him he is making a series of mistakes is not supportive, or appropriate. Telling a man with a new baby that it is “too late for him to turn back” is selfish and rude. The fact that his wife likes you and he still wants to spend any time with you at all is a tribute to the two of them.

These two (and their child) are now a package deal. They are making this much abundantly clear. Many couples manage to come together and still hold robust individual friendships, but — in your case — your friend does not seem to want to do this.

Yes, you could make an individual plea to your friend: “I’d like to hang out with you alone one of these days. Would that be possible?” After that, you will have to accept his answer.

I suspect that you are not going to have to worry about breaking up with this guy, because he seems to be breaking up with you.

Dear Amy: I am seeking your advice and input on my situation.

Three months ago, I separated from my partner of 17 years. We were planning to marry in a few months.

We had a huge argument and we both said things to hurt one another.

The one thing he said that is unforgivable was that he “used me” during our time together. I left my home immediately and moved to another state to live with my only child and grandson.

I no longer take meds for anxiety or smoke as much as I did when we were together. While in this relationship, I was emotionally, physically and verbally abused.

Please help me make sense of my life! I am 62, physically disabled and financially stable.

What do I do now?

— Alone

Dear Alone: Leaving a longstanding relationship is very challenging — even when the relationship is toxic, because sometimes the devil you know can seem preferable to the uncertainty of being on your own. It’s the way we humans are wired.

The stress of being in this unhealthy relationship has taken a toll on you. As hard as it was to leave, your behavior has already changed and your health will improve. What you should do now is to give yourself time to heal. Enjoy your family. Volunteer, if you are able. And engage in the slow but satisfying work of remaking your life.

Dear Amy: “Parents in Despair” had an out-of-control teen on their hands.

My husband and I struggled with this exact problem. Our son was so violent that we had to move him out of our home.

But we didn’t give up on him. Amy, he’s doing much better now.

I want these parents to know that there is hope for them.

— Working On It

Dear Working: When you’re in the parenting trenches, not giving up is a heavy lift. Good for you.

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