Hi, Im the god Thor, and man do I love Atlantic City. It is a place of warriors. Brave, albeit stupid people who will sacrifice all they have for my sake.

And do you know why? Because I am Thor! That is why New Jersey is called the Thunderbolt State. What do you mean its not? Look at its shape on a map. You must be out of your mind.

You have the Giants, which are sort of like the Titans, which are sort of like but why mix mythologies?

The other day I was in Aasgaardyou call it Asbury Parkand let me tell you, I had the worst pint of beer Ive ever wrapped my mouth around. This was yet another compliment. All the Norse gods drink bad beer. Mjolnjir, the town you call Montclair, is also a good place to get bad beer.

Not to mention that Norse gods also prefer dismal air quality reminiscent of the land of the midnight sun. This explains a lot about New Jersey, especially around the Turnpike. The Turnpike was name for me, Thor, god of thunder.

Ill let you in on a little secret. The Statue of Liberty was modeled after me. Yes it was! It was too! I had bigger boobs then.

Now, regarding all the controversy over which state gets the Statue of Liberty, I know New Jersey deserves it at all costs so I have a modest proposal. We will give Hoboken to New York City and in return get the beloved Statue and Staten Island. Hoboken used to be a wholesome place until they adopted as their theme song "Every day is St. Patricks Day in a Hoboken bar". No self-respecting Norseman would drink Harp. Lager? I hardly know her! Anyway, all refugees from Hoe-town who wish to retain N.J. citizenship can be resettled in "Perth Homeboy", the wasteland under the Outerbridge Crossing.

Lodi, however, is a town I would recommend that you stay out of. Lodi belongs to Loki, who is a nasty fuck. Instead, try the mall at Paramecium. Paramecium is the size of my brain.

A man who was sitting at the roulette table recognized me. He asked, arent you Mercury Quicksilver?