For now, check this out for a take on #decolonizethebase written by Jenny Sung and Myself.

Dear Church

My Dear Church, Especially My Clergy Colleagues,I love you. I really do. I’m so glad you’re out there week after week proclaiming the gospel on campuses, in hospitals, in hospice care, in congregations, and at camps. You do good work. Many of you are skilled at what you do, especially those who aren't sure whether there will even be full time ministry openings for the duration of your career. But we need to get some things straight. First, some definitions, and then a note to those with disabilities reading this.

That time I sprained my ankle and could not stand in church. An image of a left foot with pink painted nails propped up on a sofa and wearing an ankle supportive device. In the background is an office and a window with the drapes open.

Kyriarchy is a social system or set of connecting social systems built around domination, oppression, and submission.

Ableism: A form of oppression that devalues and stigmatizes anyone with a disability. The centering of being able to do things. The value placed on those who are differently able as less able.

The Spoon Theory: The equivalent of the health points or lives you typically get in a video game. Those with disabilities get fewer of them, and they are more concrete in number. The effects are serious and tangible for using too many spoons in ways unique to those living this way. Often, we don't just get tired, we end up in the hospital.

A Note To REaders With CI/D (Chronic illness and Disability)

Note to my readers with their own chronic illness and disabilities: This essay uses spoonie language. You can readThe Spoon Theoryif you don’t already know about it.I’m going to reveal how I’ve been working to undo my own ableism. I had internalized much of it and was previously ok with several things being said in church. Since working so hard todecolonize my brain, and to unlearnkyriarchy, my thoughts have changed. While I treat myself as more fully human, I am aware that I am also sensitized to what others say in new ways. Fighting to be fully included is exhausting. It takes spoons. And I cannot un-learn or un-experience what I know. If you, as someone living with CI/D (chronic illness and disability), do not have the spoons to think deeply about this, and to fully see the ableism in the world around you, skip this post. Because I’m new to being aware of it myself, and it takes lots of spoons. In some ways, while I liked myself less, it was easier not to see the oppressive world and want to fight it. I liked the world more before I was paying attention. Now, I have fewer spoons, but I like myself and my body more, and see myself as more whole.

If You're Out of Time, Here's the Point

If this article is too long for you, I’ll cut to the chase. Value the differences in how we worship. Value differences in posture, position, and movement. Don’t assume the best/right/only way to worship is YOUR way. Examine your internalized ableism and value structure, if you can. There are many references at the end of this article to help you accomplish this. Words used in worship communicate what a congregation values. Keep reading for words used in worship that communicate there is really is no room for people who worship differently than you. In online clergy spaces, we’ve been talking about words to use to ask people to stand during worship. Don’t be militaristic about it, it's not about that. Don’t not listen to person in front of you in your congregation because of a blog post. These are my suggestions based on my own work and progress around ableism and language in church. I do this knowing that until our guides, rubrics, and patterns in worship are changed, we’ll never be fully inclusive.

However, please do not comment until you’ve read the entire article where I share some of my own deep pain. Unless you hear my pain, or are living with your disabilities, please do not argue that your way is best or act like you have nothing to learn.
Now you have some better ideas about how to live in our present moment,
​so change your language by examining your values.

THings That Hurt:

​“Please stand as able”“Please rise in body or spirit”“Please stand in body or spirit”“We together lift our bodies and spirits to the Lord”

Examples of INclusive LANGUAGE:

When language and spaces are inclusive, accessible, and equitable, everyone is valued and everyone benefits.“Please stand as you are comfortable.”“Please take your posture of reverence for prayer”“Please take your personal prayer positions”
"Please take your personal reverence positions"
"Please take your person singing positions"“Please take a posture to support your singing aloud and stand if comfortable.”

If You want to know the hows, whys, and process, keep reading

I know things in the world and church are hard right now. I know that Pastors are weary and that the thought of adding anything more to our plates is stressful. One new place of pain, one new complaint, one new way of thinking about how you do things. I get it; I really do. I used to say that listening to the pain of People of Color, people living with differing abilities, and suggestions about how to lead worship in less oppressive ways was nice for others, for other congregations, for other Pastors, and not for myself. My congregation and I did not have the energy to change these things in our worship. But, in order to do that, I had to ignore the pain of my siblings in Christ in order decide that my context was the most important. I’m learning to decolonize my own brain, too, and to listen when I can to those who have the most hurt.
​Today, here on my own blog, I’m asking you to open your heart and listen. Maybe bookmark this and come back to it later if today isn’t the best time. I honor your boundaries and ask that you make time to read this later.

Here are three more definitions for you. I easily got blackout Derailment Bingo when previously trying to explain my position to clergy colleges. Hence, this blog post.

Centering: This is when people who do not live with oppression every moment of their lives act, speak, and believe that their view of the world should be in the center. That their view is the most important. We all do this, and it takes a lot of personal work to unlearn. We do it because the world reinforces this for us, and because so much is set up to work for us, we can easily come to believe that our view matters the most.You can read more here because this also applies to race conversations.​

Derailment: The multiple strategies our society uses to discount ideas that we find uncomfortable or inconvenient. My favorites are in Derailment Bingo. Image to the left, text description below.

Why?

And this, dear church, brings us to why I am writing you this letter. During recent conversations about what Pastors are supposed to say when they lead worship, I’ve been able to check off nearly every square on my derailment bingo board. These attempts to explain myself to abled colleagues have been exhausting and frustrating. Because these conversations happened at a time when a new health problem was showing up in my life they hurt more than normal. Good thing I have my own blog and voice where you feel more obligation to read the whole thing before commenting (I hope).

I ended up in deep pain, feeling like the church won’t make room for me. If my colleagues are not even willing to listen to my pain without blowing it off, how will I ever find a place? If my colleagues are not willing to interrogate their own ableism, how will I ever feel safe and valued in church? The rejection I’ve experienced by the church has hollowed me out.

Once again, things I’ve heard that are ablest:“Please stand as able”“Please rise in body or spirit”“Please stand in body or spirit”“We together lift our bodies and spirits to the Lord”

I previously liked these. I used to appreciate any acknowledgement -- the throwing of any bone that I existed in church. Saying “Please stand as able” was like someone knowing that people might be there who are not able at all. Sometimes I’m not able to stand. It turns out that one can be an amazing worship leader from a chair of the right height. Some of my best sermons were delivered from a chair. I used to like knowing that part of me could still rise to participate in worship.

Derailment bingo

​Derailment Bingo:
People are predictable in their responses whenever they are shown their own oppressive behaviors or worldviews. I find knowing how to play Derailment Bingo is helpful for me as I engage with others, and understand their response as a normal way to shut out the pain of others and their own need to change. I am also more able to watch for it in myself, and have been able to stop myself from saying many of these things.
For those using text readers, here is the text description.
The graphic is set up in a 5x5 grid. The title across the top is Derailment Bingo in a fancy, large font. The square in the middle of the board has a line drawn man's face. Each square has a different saying. They are:
If you won't educate me, how can I learn?
If you weren't so hostile, people would listen to you.
You're overly sensitive.
Don't you have more important issues to think about?
You're taking things too personally.
You're arguing with opinions, not fact.
You're interrograting from the wrong perspective.
Your experience is not respresentative of everyone.
Can you prove your expereince is widespread?
I don't think you're as margalnazied as you claim.
I know another persom from your group who disagrees.
You are damaging your cause by being so agressive.
You're as bad as we are.
But you're not like the others in your group.
If you really cared about this, you would teach me.
But that happens to me, too.
You're just looking for something to be offened by.
You're seeing problems where none exist.
You're too emotional.
I was on your side but your anger changed that.
I don't find this offensive.
Sterotypes exist 'cause there is truth in them.
You probaly just misunderstood.
I haven't had it easy, either, you know.

My Thoughts Changed

​Here’s why I now see ableism in words that I previously thought were fine:

Saying “please stand/rise as able” still centers “being able”. When I hear that in church, I hear that the people who are “able” are the most valued. I’m no longer content to be thrown a bone that makes me happy a worship leader knows I exist; I now want to be included as fully human, and to not have “being able” thrown in my face all. the. time. The more I hear the world “able” in worship, the more I know what the congregation values– and know that it isn’t, and won’t be, me. Please stop centering “being able” as an indication of worth or participation. That is literally the definition of ableism.

Our worship service was written by able bodied mostly white or Middle Eastern men, basically from the beginning of Christianity until now. We make little revisions every so often, but we never change the whole entire structure tosomething like this. Simply the structure of sit/stand/kneel, sit/stand/kneel assumes that being able to do certain movement is vital for worship. And on the flipside, the structure implies that those who can’t follow along lack faith and worth. Asking me to have to rise in spirit when my body just can’t communicates that “rising” and “lifting” and “standing” are what matters in worship. What if I get into a place where those things are impossible for me all the time, not just some of the time?

If you are interested in the problems of mind/body dualism from a feminist perspective,you can read my writing here. Pay attention: Jesus cared about bodies. He touched his disciples' dirty, sandy, dusty feet. Jesus hung out with lepers. He wanted health, healing, and wholeness for all. The church does not seem to know this:please see this article. My personal reality is that if we didn’t have money in a IRA we could take out to pay for health care, I’d spend my life in bed on disability. I need a whole team of specialists and medications to keep me functioning, and in our capitalistic system, that costs money. Jesus healed so many, I believe he wants healing for all bodies, and whole people.

I’ve spent so much of my life hating my body. Jesus healed that. Around the communion table, I see a Jesus who cares about bodies eating, being whole, being in community. If God didn’t truly care about human bodies, why did God want one? I have so much comfort for pain and suffering because Jesus knows pain. He suffered with the flu, stubbed a toe, had dirty diapers, nursed. What kind of God loves us so much as to want to know what it is like to be with us in all ways?

I’m not interested in my spirit being valued over my body. I used to be, but that just caused pain because it caused me to ignore my body. I didn’t take care of it and only concentrated on spiritual things. Spiritual things meant I rarely slept or ate. Sure, I was and still am good at lots of things, but I also have a habit of running my body into the ground. to fulfill the New Testament Greek mind/body dualism paradigm. The Greek philosophers had this idea that our bodies and spirits were separate from one another. I rarely hear Jesus say things to support this worldview, but Paul sure writes about this a lot, and it is what I absorbed and learned growing up. I’d like to be whole person.(I don’t believe God caused it, only that God’s job to help good, healing, hope and New Life come with it.)

​As these conversations about what to say when asking people to stand in worship were happening in several places, my favorite answer came from my friend Kelly Colwell:

"I try to say 'please find a posture of reverence, however that works for your body,' or 'please find a posture that supports your singing/praying aloud,' if it's a song or prayer. But that works in my context because I've preached about it and explained it a bunch of times. If there are newcomers who haven't heard my spiel, I will say 'you are invited to kneel if comfortable or find a posture of reverence that works for your body,' or 'you are invited to stand if comfortable or find a posture that supports your singing/praying aloud.'

What do I wish?

​So, what do I wish people would say in worship? Things like the ones listed in the box at the beginning of the article, and to the side here. There’s only so far you can decolonize a worship structure made by and for adult white men. Other have clearly learned to love it, and I do, too, I just want to be fully human as I do, and to be valued with my body, mind, and spirit intact and together. One whole worshiping being.

I also wish that preaching on healing narratives would include the differences between healing and cure. Jesus has healed me, broken open my pain, and given me new life. Rare genetic conditions are not curable, and that is ok. Theses on healing and cure are below. You can also download a Bible study on the healing narratives in Luke for adults with chronic illness. Here is a Body of Christ, a Theology of Eucharist.

“Please stand as you are comfortable.”“Please take your posture of reverence for prayer”“Please take your personal prayer positions”
"Please take your personal reverence positions"
"Please take your person singing positions"“Please take a posture to support your singing aloud and stand if comfortable.”

8. Say a prayer of thanks Melinda W. who taught me much of what I know, and shared many of the resources below with me. She also helped edit this article to check for my own internalized ableism. If you think you want to write about disability, I recommend everyone gets a sensitivity reader, as I have one. I will happily be yours.

Language: Identify first or person first? Disabled person or Person with a disability? Autistic person or person with autism? Deaf person or person who is deaf? Different people and communities prefer different ways of dealing with this. Language is like pronouns. Ask people what they prefer. Many Autistic people and Deaf people communities prefer identity first, in my circles of chronic illness and disability, person language is preferred.

Discussion

1. If you have disabilities other than mobility, what are other ways worship could make more room for your or be more inclusive? (I shared some of my ideas here.)
2. What questions do you have?
3. Why do you think these things are hard to hear?
4. What will it take for the church to become more inclusive and welcoming?
5. If you are qualified to answer, what did I leave out? Share how you're qualified, please.

Easter Proclimation

A The night of the first day of the week had worn slowly away. The darkest hour, just before daybreak,
had come, pregnant with possibilities. Christ was still prisoner in his narrow tomb. The great stone was in its place and the Roman seal was unbroken; the Roman guards were keeping their watch.

P May the Warm Love of Christ rising in glory dispel the death-dealing parts of our hearts and minds.The Paschal Candle is lit.
A The Glowing Joy of the Risen of Christ!C Thanks be to God!

EASTER PROCLIMATIION
P: Rejoice, now, all heavenly powers! Sing, choirs of angels! Exalt, all creation around God’s throne! Jesus Christ is risen! Celebrate the divine mysteries with exultation; and for so great a victory, sound the trumpet of salvation. Rejoice, O earth, in shining splendor, radiant in the love of your savior! Christ has proclaimed LOVE and LIFE the winner! Glory fills you! Death-Dealing vanishes forever. Rejoice, O holy church! Exult in glory! The risen Savior glows upon you! Let this place resound with joy, echoing the mighty proclamation of God’s people:

​It is indeed right, our duty, and our joy, that we should at all times and in all places give thanks and praise to you, almighty and merciful God, for the glorious resurrection of our Savior Jesus Christ, the true Paschal Lamb who gave himself up for LOVE, to take away the death-deal. In dying he has destroyed death, and in rising has brought us to eternal life. And so, with Mary Magadelne, the other Marys, and all the witnesses of the Resurrection, with earth and sea and all their creatures, and with angels and archangels, cherubim and seraphim, we praise your name and join their unending hymn:

Eucharistic Prayer

Not adapted, please write Some Worship Texts from PastorJess.com, used with permission by Creative Commons License.

Easter Eucharistic Prayer

Blessed are you, O God of our salvation.
Thank you for your creation of the world, and for saving it time and again.
Thank you for being there when we mess up –
When Adam and Eve had to leave the garden,
you did not abandon them.
When a flood covered the earth,
you saved people and animals.

When the Israelites were slaves in Egypt,
you brought them out of the awfulness of death-dealing slavery
and were with them in their passage to the Promised Land.
When your nation was conquered again and again,
you stayed with your people
and offered them hope and the promise of a human Savior.

Yet, when this Savior came,
he did not conquer other nations with blood and swords.
He did not kill to get his way.

He came and loved, especially the poor and the outcast.
He healed many, and brought many into a full relationship with you.
When he died, you did not abandon him.
You took his death, and created life.
Thank you for the empty tomb.
Thank you for the women who were the first witnesses,
and for their courage in telling your story of death turned into life.

Thank you for promising, especially
through your Son, Jesus the Christ,
that you care about our world.
That you are here and participate with us,
to give us hope, and to give us life.
We celebrate that hope and new life now
through the meal your Son left as one of his many gifts to us.

For,
In the night in which he was betrayed,
our Lord Jesus took bread, and gave thanks;
broke it, and gave it to his disciples, saying:
Take and eat; this is my body, given for you.
Do this for the remembrance of me.

Again, after supper, he took the cup, gave thanks,
and gave it for all to drink, saying:
This cup is the new covenant in my blood,
shed for you and for all people for the forgiveness of sin.
Do this for the remembrance of me.

Remembering your unconditional love for us
and your constant work of salvation,
we offer our praise to you, along with
this bread and wine. Accept these things
as our full embrace of your
presence in our lives. Lead us to love you in all areas of our lives, public and private, so that through the strength of this meal all may have sustainable lives.

Cover this bread and wine with your Spirit,
making them blessings in our lives,
and concrete evidence of your love for us.
Use this meal to strengthen us to be
your people in the world.

Giving all praise to you,
Creating God,
Saving Christ,
And Ever-Present Spirit,
we come ready to feast on your love,
through the work of your Son, Jesus Christ,
our Savior and Lord. AMEN

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I Hate Capitalism, But I Gotta Eat

If you donate for your use of these texts, you will be e-mailed a Word Doc for easy copy/paste/adaptation. Thanks!

Easter 2018 Donation and Digital File for Use

Did you like the edits to the Easter Proclamation, Proper Preface, and the completely new Eucharistic Prayer? Feel free to share your wealth and help my family with life in a capitalistic world. Yeah, I hate it too, but, reality.

The presiding minister and the congregation greet each other in the peace of the risen Christ.

P The peace of Christ be with you always. C And also with you.

The people may greet one another with a sign of Christ’s peace and may say:
Peace be with you or similar words. Please ask before offering handshakes or hugs,
waves are always a safe no-touch choice.

P: We are here today to celebrate reformation.C: God, please re-form us.
P: Hold us, O God, andC: Help us to experience you in new ways.
P: We are here today to honor our tradition and history.C: God, thank you for all that has gone before.
P: We begin and celebrate in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, Amen.C: Amen
P: Let’s get this party started!C: We’re ready! Amen!

The post below assumes some things. First, that you know or have just clicked on and read the Bible passage this post is about. Second, that you already know, or are willing to pretend for a moment, that white fragility is a real thing that exists, and that it hurts all of us. Third, I will likely only tangentially mention this in my sermon on Sunday in a long list of ways we play out this story of Jesus in our lives. Fourth, if you want more information, or references for the things I say below, you know how to use Google because I only have so much time to put in hyperlinks.

In this parable, Jesus says some things that we don't want to hear. Things that we often don't want to know about the kin-dom of God. Things are too hard for us about God's dream for the world.

Because I read this passage, and I think, that's not fair! The person hired at 5:00pm got paid that same as those who started earlier. And then I know that makes me sound like a jerk, so I think a little bit more. Why wasn't that person hired? I know plenty of people who are of Color or LGBTQ or women who don't get hired (or called to churches) because of their appearance. Was it fair that those last workers were passed over to begin with? I also know that it is still true in our church that men of the same education and experience level earn more than women.

Also, don't those workers also have families to feed? Do I really think that people are valuable and deserve to make a fair living wage to support themselves and feed their families no matter how hard or how long they work? That's a dangerous question in our current economic system that rewards the ability to earn money, without regard for systems in place that make it easier for some to earn money than others.

We often spiritualize this passage. For some, this passage means that as long as someone repents on their death bed, asks for forgiveness, and confesses belief, they will get into heaven.

But what if Jesus used an example of economics because he wanted us to see God's dream for the world here and now? There are so many places to go with this, from the Dream Act, to Health Care, to a fair living wage of $15/hour.

What strikes me, though, is that this is where I'm at as a white person. Our consitution says that all men are created equal, yet we've never treated all people as equal. Maybe the Black Lives Matter protests are simply those workers who were promised a wage that they were excluded from all. day. long. Perhaps us white people are those grumbling. People are fighting for what they've been promised, and honestly, deserve as full human beings, and the other workers, us white people are grumbling about it. We think that it is somehow not fair that everyone gets what they agreed to work for.

We get fragile as white people. We think that creating a world where People of Color lived and are valued equally to us somehow means we've lost something. But have we really? Didn't the generous landowner give everyone what they agreed to at the end of the day?

All analogies fall down after awhile. Yes, I know there's a problem saying that People are Color are working at 5PM and less hard. But why is that a problem? And, especially if all lives, if everyone's ability to feed their family is all the same, can't we value all the workers equally? That's what the generous landowner did, anyway.

And in this parable, many people agree that the generous landowner is God, or at least how things are supposed to work in the kin-dom of God. Yes, we can never realize that fully in this life, on this earth. But if economic equality, paying what a person needs to feed their family, and not holding it against people who were prevented from the system is what God wants, there is a clear invitation to the church. We, as disciples of Christ, we as the Body of Christ, are invited to help make the world more like this parable.

And while that's threatening to us, just like it was to the workers who were hired earlier in the morning, then this parable clearly says what we need to do. Get over it, and let God's Dream for the world come closer, because we as the church are helping make it more of a reality.

If we think of white people as those who were hired early in the morning, there is incredible power in this parable to offer us a new way of living. One where we can see the system clearly, and work to change it. Not just for getting into heaven, but for life in the here and now.

Conversation

1. What do you think?2. What things have led you to feel fragile lately?3. Can you follow a Jesus who says the kin-dom of God is to turn our economic system and the ways we value people upside down?4. What is most threatening to you about this?5. What is most hopeful?

These questions are also posted here, when you can also comment:http://facebook.com/pastorjess615

God of justice and peace,
​We pray for the family and friends of Anthony Lamar Smith. Send them your love and care. Empower them to work for justice, even in the midst of their deep grief. Protect protestors and let their appeals to be heard. Help us as the church to understand what you need us to do to help bring about a world of peace and justice where all can expect to be treated fairly. Protect the communities that need protection this day, and inspire leaders to see the larger picture. Help us know what the world needs from us, your people, and most of all, grant your peace that passes all understanding to those grieving Anthony’s loss. Lord in your mercy,Hear our prayer.

Idea from Rev. Korla Masters, Edited by Rev. ​Katya Ouchakof

Now you know what to pray. No excuses for not knowing.

Intro

​For those of us with neurodivergent and physically differently abled bodies, worship can be a true challenge. My family - made up of two parents and one child - includes many physical and neurological differences. Sometimes, the idea of coming to worship is so exhausting for us, we simply don’t go. The adaptations we must make to simply belong and participate, the stuff we have to take with us, seems overwhelming at times. Here are five things I wish that churches would stop doing - and five things I wish they would start doing.

stop

1. Stop making everyone do things in only one way. Stop valuing conformity in worship. I don’t just mean that you make it ok for some people to sit if they are not able to stand. I find that to be horribly isolating and like I stick out like a sore thumb. Also, since I’m young, the comments I get for sitting during worship, even as a pastor are terrible. “How could you disrespect God by sitting during the gospel?” “You look fine, you’re young. If I can manage to stand with my arthritic knees to worship, you can, too.”2. Stop making hurtful comments. For example, see above. You do not know and cannot see what it is like to live in the bodies and brains of my family. I am in change of my own joints, and my own energy level. Consent culture applies to able bodied people and to those who are dealing with chronic illness and pain for the first time in their elder years. I’ve lived in chronic pain every day since I was 13 years old. I know my limits and my needs. They are likely very different from yours. I also have no expectation that my pain will be over in 10-20 years when I go live with God. I likely have many more years of chronic pain on this earth, and if I want to do things, I can’t just suffer through until I die. 3. Stop ignoring the many people who ask you to turn the music down. My body can feel like I’m in a cement mixer if the organ is all the way open, or the speakers are blaring. I have yet to find many people who like the music loud. I find a few band members, and a whole bunch of people who refuse to listen and pretend they are helpless in the situation.4. Stop making assumptions. You have no idea what life in my family is like, how hard we must work to appear “typical”, how many extra things we have to do to get out of the house in the morning. (Three people need meds, two of us need different kinds of therapies, it takes us a long time to move well and wake up our bodies and brains.) I don’t care if you got your kids to church on time when you were a young, tired working Mom. I don’t care if your neurotypical child sat perfectly still for the entire service. Can you make room for me and my story? Can my life experience be different from yours, and just as valid?5. Stop confusing “cure” and “healing”. Stop preaching at me in ways that tell me that I count less, or am less whole because I am in a broken body. Would I want Jesus to come up to me, lay hands on me, and heal me of my pain? Maybe. Sometimes. But living my adventure with chronic illness and disability that includes my spouse and child can be life-giving, too. We are kinder, more compassionate, less judgmental people. Don’t tell me that my goal in life should be cure. When things are rare and genetic, there is unlikely to be cure. Can you preach on a healing story in the Bible that values restoration to the community and healing over the physical or emotional thing being completely gone? What if the demons were not the mental health problem, or what if being blind wasn’t really the issue? What if the issue was that the community had no places for those with demons or those who are blind? What if the point of the stories are to teach us to make room for all kinds of people in the kingdom of God? Honestly, my life would be a lot less pain if the world were set up to have room for me, and I would wish for a cure less often. I live a happy and whole life with my chronic illness and disabilities. Can that be ok with you, church?

Start

1. Letting people worship with their bodies however works for them. Make room for chaos. There are days that my brain and energy levels are fine, but I can’t sit or stand. I wish for a recliner in church, or even the ability to lay on the floor on pillows in the front. I bet there are others, of all abilities, who would like the option to sit on the floor, stand, not stand, dance. Can adults color during worship? See, if everyone can participate in the best way for them, while creating worship together, then I’m not singled out as the only person who can’t stand that Sunday. Not everyone in church need to know if I’m having a hard day. They often make comments like those above and ask me about it later.
2. Inviting all. If you are going to do a creative worship thing -- at a conference, in your church, always offer at least two ways of participating. Especially if you’re doing a really big thing like standing for a long time, doing yoga, or painting a huge picture together, just letting people know what you’re doing can make a huge difference. If a conference, for example, had just collected a list of those who might need accommodations, and sent us an e-mail ahead of time with the big plans, I could easily tell them the one or two adaptations that would make it possible for me to participate. At one conference where I was on crutches, I just needed them to move a chair before worship. Instead, I was left out of several parts of the service. Why didn’t I move my own chair, you ask? I was on crutches and needed my hands to walk. Also, because sometimes it would be nice to be cared for by the church instead of treated as too much work. Or as requiring too much communication.
3. Listening. I know my body, I know my brain, I know my stories. I know the bodies and brains of my family. Church, can you just believe me? There are so many ways I’m told that I don’t count or am too much work or that I’m not believed about what I need to fully participate. Find the people in your church with differing abilities, ask them what they might need. It might be as simple as a cushion on a hard pew.
4. Talking about human beings as the whole people God created us to be. Part of my problems are because I learned to shut out the voice of my body for the sake of the Gospel. How often in church do we deride the flesh things and concentrate on the spiritual things? I learned to hate my body, which helped me become sicker for a longer period of time. God didn’t create us to shut down parts of ourselves. There are other interpretations of Paul’s language around that. Look them up. Find them. Share them.
5. Learning. For all things, ableism included, the biggest thing you can do is seek out the stories of those different from you. Read stories about the lives of our trans siblings, our siblings of different colors from us. Learn about the lives of those with different abilities, or the pain of those who are shut out of society, and often our church. The stories are there in books, blogs, youtube. Actively look for those stories and share them. You might be surprised about how you will find the kingdom of God when you look there.

Conversation

Thanks for reading my story. I’d love to hear in the comments your experiences of church. If you have chronic illness or disability, what do you wish churches would stop and starting doing? If you are typical, or temporarily abled, are there parts of this that resonate with you for different reasons? If you have come to chronic pain as an elder adult, and you have permission to think about church outside of conformity, what might make it better for you?

What happened?

I woke up this morning to find that I had been automatically logged out of Facebook and Facebook messenger overnight. When I tried to log-in, it said that someone had reported me for not using my real name. My name is Jessica Harren, that's what's on my Driver's License, and what I used on facebook. I have sent in my driver's license. There is no time frame in which facebook will respond. A friend reported that they could not even find my page.

But I wanted to Talk to you today

I was in the middle of a bunch of messenger threads, and also important conversations. Myself and others in my community are trying to organize a class, and I am now unable to answer any questions on facebook messanger or in my groups about this class. Please comment below on this blog post with your questions. I promise I won't ban myself from my own website.

Why do you think this happened?

I spent yesterday showing some racism that happened in my Nextdoor Neighborhood site. I had also advertised the Safety Pin Box training inside several groups. One person was in both groups, and I received a facebook notification e-mail this morning (that I can't respond to) that she commented that she is very angry with me. I do not know who reported me for not using my real name. I do know that this is a normal tactic of racists online who think that honest conversation about race somehow hurts them, and that they have the entitlement to not be offended by life. The problem with this view, of course, is that it ignores that People of Color in our country never get the option to not be dehumanized for the color of their skin. They have to live with racism and the casual comments that let them know they are not as human as others every day. White fragility is a thing. You shouldread about it.

I have feelings about you being blocked

So does my Mom. She's worried about me and my safety. So do my friends, although if you're reading this, you maybe are one of those. Some people are feeling righteous anger on my behalf, some people think that I have to take care of myself and not put myself in these situations. Some people worry about me getting too tired, or burnt out, and that I need to take care of myself. Some people wish that I wouldn't stir things up because of the cost to my health and family and personal life. You are in good company.

However . . . .

Please save those feelings for the Black women, especially, but all other People of Color whose lives are impacted every day by racism. They lose health, too. And family time, too. The five year old Black children who are afraid their parents will be killed by the police, or arrested for speaking up. The Black women activists who have entire plans they can put into place when they get blocked from things, because it happens all the time. As tired as I am of people not believing me that racism is real and kills people, I've only just come to the fight for Liberation of All. I've only just started speaking up. Black children are not believed about how they are treated differently in stores and by teachers from the time they are young. We have to get honest, country. We have to start believing the stories of Black people and those who try to amplify their voices.

What Can I do?

Lots of things!
First, donate to Black Women Being so that the women who fight for Black liberation every day and also lose economic privledge while they do so can eat and pay their rent and feed their kids and fund their organizing.
Second, send me an e-mail, contact form, or text if you have my cell. I'm lonely being cut off from the place I have most of my friends and conversations. Facebook has been everything to me in my life of chronic illness and disability because I can have friends without needing energy to leave the house or hold up my own head.
Third, send a message to any other People of Color who are organizing and are activists today just to say hi and that you support them.
Fourth, if you are not already getting things from Safety Pin Box, you should. It'll help you learn what you need to learn. It'll help you create a world where this doesn't happen to me, or to any Black activists, either. They have a one-time Ally Backpack, a one-time Kid's Box, a subscription, and you can join the training here in the NW Suburbs of Chicago if you're close.
Fifth, follow some Black women on Twitter. If you go to my page @pastorjess615, you'll see that I follow lots of them.
Sixth, be sure to share DiDi Delgado's article about racism on facebook, and then share my article, too. It is horrible and part of racism, but sometimes while women are believed more. Please share both articles together. My voice is not the most important, and I hope it can help.
Seventh, support Black authors on Patreon like DiDi Delgado, Sherronda Brown, Ijeoma Oluo and also read (and fund) The Establishment on Medium.
Eigth, have a fun conversation in the comment of this blog, and share links to more articles about the truth of racism.

Processing

What I say is much worse for Black activists. Be aware of that, and look at the section above to know how to support them.

1. Is is driving me to distraction to not know what's going on, and who is saying what, and my fears about white supremacists taking over some of my posts and comment threads. This is where I have to trust my community and friends. So glad we don't do this work alone.
2. My stomach and head kinda hurt. No wonder health is often worse among those marginalized.
3. For the most extroverted person God ever created, being silenced is no fun.
4. Taking the risk of being silenced and living with a small bit of the reality that Black activists face in worse ways is part of being anti-racist, I think.
5. I can't do my other, paid job because of this block A woman from church and I were on messager about a really cool event our church is putting together (which I can't even link you to, because facebook is the church's only website), and she can't see messages from me or download the flyer I sent her. Thank God I already had her e-mail. I think facebook is confused about its role in the world. See article in Step 6 above from Ms. Delgado for more on racism in facebook.
6. Racism is a real problem, and silencing those who speak about it only leads to more lives being lost.