DAVID LYNCH’S MEETING WITH GEORGE LUCAS

(“Look at the kitty, George. You wanna go pet the kitties later, George? If you’re good we’ll let you pet the kitties.”)

It’s well known that at one point, George Lucas wanted David Lynch to direct Return of the Jedi. Recently, Lynch was interviewed by some sort of Woody Allen character come to life, and though he said plenty of interesting things, this is the internet so we’re going to focus exclusively on the part that makes George Lucas seem like a weirdo. Lucas story begins at 7:18 of the video after the jump.

“I had next door to zero interest in the project. […] But I always admired George. He does what he loves. I do what I love, but the difference is, what George loves makes hundreds of billions of dollars. So I thought I should go up and at least visit with him.”

Of course, you can’t just “go talk” to George Lucas anymore than you can “go talk” to the Wizard of Oz.

“I had to go to this building in LA first and had to get a special credit card, and a special key, and a letter came, and a map. Then I went to the airport, and I flew up… ….He talked to me for a little bit, and then he said, ‘I want to show you something.’ Now right about this time, I started to get a little bit of a headache. So he took me upstairs, and he showed me these things called ‘wookies.’ And now, this headache is getting stronger. He showed me many animals and different things. Then he took me in a ride in his Ferrari for lunch. And George is kinda short, and his seat was back, and he was almost lying down in this little car, and we were flying through this little town in Northern California. We went to a restaurant, not that I don’t like salad, but that’s all they had, was salad…”

He goes onto say that he got a migraine and turned down the project. But it sure was nice of him to leave out the part where he found Lucas wearing a sumo diaper made of $100 bills shouting “FEED ME A STRAY CAT!” And as any neighborhood kid will tell you, if George Lucas takes you upstairs to show you his wookie, and the only thing sore is your head, consider yourself lucky.

I had to go to this building in LA first and had to get a special credit card, and a special key, and a letter came, and a map.

A letter came? That’s gross. I bet it was the letter O, that perverted vowel is always coming.

By: GenePoolParty

12.10.2009 @ 10:39 AM

So basically, George Lucas asked Lynch to wash his Ferrari, but Lynch said, “not tonight, I have a headache.”

By: Donkey Hodey

12.10.2009 @ 10:39 AM

Is that Djimon Honsou standing behind them?

By: Mark It Zero

12.10.2009 @ 10:39 AM

Anyone else ever get the feeling that David Lynch has been in their bedroom? Sometimes I get home from work and just have that feeling. It’s not like he did anything malicious, just kinda rifled through my stuff, played Nintendo for a while, looked in my sock drawer.

By: Burnsy

12.10.2009 @ 10:39 AM

When an O cums, it’s a Q.

By: Patty Boots

12.10.2009 @ 10:43 AM

I call shenanigans. There’s no way Lucas eats salad.

The rest of it sounds pretty accurate, though.

By: GenePoolParty

12.10.2009 @ 10:46 AM

The Chinese phone book called. They acknowledged what we all suspected.

By: Mark It Zero

12.10.2009 @ 10:47 AM

Lynch covered for Lucas by leaving out the ending. Lucas had to scramble to put the Ferrari on blocks and run it in reverse for a few hours so Spielberg wouldn’t find out he used it.

By: GenePoolParty

12.10.2009 @ 10:51 AM

This reminds me of when VInce invited me to his summer home by the ocean and took me upstairs to see his Snooki.

By: Donkey Hodey

12.10.2009 @ 11:16 AM

Before they left the restaurant, George ordered a small bit of tuna salad in a to-go cup. Lynch is pretty sure he heard Lucas say something about what good bait it makes, but admits that his headache might have clouded his memory of the event.

By: Fek'lhr

12.10.2009 @ 11:52 AM

Did Lucas try to Bro-rape Lynch? The Mighty Feklahr wants to recreate the scene where Lucas turns on a boombox and lunges at him:

“I did it all for the Wookie…the Wookie!”

By: JordeeVee

12.10.2009 @ 12:14 PM

I nominate Donkey Hodey for “Is that Djimon Honsou standing behind them?” Because racism is funny.

By: davidnowacki

12.10.2009 @ 12:29 PM

I bet in the next Star Wars movie there will be a character called a ‘Grumpus’ who makes silly space-films and always complains about his headache when the sexy hero Gerry Lucal shows him his totally awesome hideout, followed by a ride in his totally bitchin’ X-Wing.

By: Wrathful_Diety

12.10.2009 @ 1:48 PM

The black woman in the background is Mellody Hobson. She runs a big investment firm, is a financial reporter for ABC, and is George’s main squeeze. I’m sure she made sure her boyfriend’s assets were kept safe in this recession.