Seem Harmless

Description

Appear harmless. Let it seem that you are either unable or unwilling to do
anybody any harm, psychological, social or otherwise.

Be friendly. Show that you like them, and care about them. Use
submissive or
relaxed body language. Avoid
status games
or let them win these. Conceal any
power you have. Do not get
drawn into arguments and never show anger.

Example

When greeting someone who is sitting down, a person also
sits down to avoid being in the threatening higher position.

A new manager appears at work. A peer who could be a rival
initially acts in a friendly, harmless way while they size up the new manager.

Discussion

One of the things we do on a constant basis is to look for threats. The
greater the unfamiliarity of the situation or people, the greater our attention
to possible threats. And not knowing a person means they could be a threat, so
we watch them carefully. With even a small indicator that they might harm us, we
back off and trust them somewhat less.

Even with people we know and trust, a threat, even an empty one in a casual
argument, may be taken far more seriously than was intended.

Power is a tricky thing around harm. When another person has power, they have
the potential to harm you. Yet they also have the ability to protect you,
fighting off others who might harm you. This is one of the dilemmas that women
have when they encounter physically powerful men.

So what?

If you want people to trust you, act harmless, at least until you find out
their disposition. If they are bully, they may try to take advantage of your
apparent harmlessness, so do be prepared to fight back or otherwise deflect them
as necessary.

If you are more powerful, beware of them seeing harmfulness when you do not
intend this. Many powerful people do not realize the fear and caution they
create.