What The Hell Is Kristen Stewart Wearing?

Earlier in the week, Kristen Stewart openly breathed in her own farts by saying a bunch of pretentious shit about On The Road, so a good way to make everyone forget every goddamn word you said is to show up on a red carpet wearing my grandmother’s underwear under a shower curtain. That’s how I told my parents I bombed an entire semester of college and all they did was make me get electroshock therapy until I couldn’t even look at a hot dog without having a seizure. It’s a foolproof plan.