"If we are to be capable of mature love as adults, we need to develope an internal system of self-parenting that offers unconditional self-love, wise self-guidance, and strong self-support. Mature love allows for individuality and for free expression of ideas and feelings; it consents to discussion of values --and even, at times, to confrontation."

Characteristics of Additive Love:

People in addictive relationships exhibit the following characteristics:

1. They feel comsumed
2. They cannot define ego boundaries
3. They exhibit sadomasochism
4. They fear letting go
5. They fear the risk, change, and the unknown
6. They experience little individual growth
7. They do not experience true intimacy
8. They play psychological games
9. They give to get something back
10. They attempt to cahnge the other
11. They need the other to feel complete
12. They seek solutions outside the self
13. They demand and expect unconditional love
14. They refuse to commit themselves
15. They look to others for affirmation and worth
16. They fear abandoment when routinely seperated
17. They recreate old, negative feelings
18. They deisre, yet fear, closeness
19. They attempt to take care of others' feelings
20. They play POWER games