Ask Tessie: What should I do for New Year’s Eve?

I'm coming to visit South Lake Tahoe from San Francisco this weekend, and I'm torn on how I should spend my New Year's Eve. Since you've celebrated your fair share in Big Blue, I thought you might be able to steer me in the right direction.

Sincerely,

Here For A Good Time

The South Shore knows how to get down. We've got something for everyone, from the elitist snob to the down-and-dirty raver, so let me lay it out for you.

If your idea of fun is debating the bouquet of $20 glasses of wine and discussing your golf game, then get your Brooks Brother's suit sent out to the cleaners because you're spending the evening at Edgewood Lodge.

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If you made the questionable decision to procreate then pop over to Heavenly Village for a night of skating, live music and waiting three hours for a table at a restaurant. Get the festivities out of the way with just enough time to watch the ball drop in New York and get the kids to sleep before nodding off on the couch watching reruns of "Two and a Half Men" at 9:30 p.m.

If raging until 2 a.m. with bottle service is how you get down, then ring in the new year at Opal Ultra Lounge in MontBleu. Rock the deepest V-neck you own and check your self-respect at the door because you're in for a night of striking out with ladies, shouting at your friends, and partially losing your hearing.

If the neon lights of the slot machines draw you in like a moth, then put on your cowboy boots and flame shirt and get your chain-smoking, oxygen-toting self onto the casino floor. Keep the White Russians coming as you gamble away your retirement fund on Blackjack and leer at the cocktail waitresses.

If you think that a skinny white dude on stage pretending to spin records is live entertainment, then put on your unicorn onesie, paint your face and hide that flask in your pants because it's SnowGlobe time, baby! Dance in the new year with 19,000 hammered millennials while simultaneously angering a majority of South Lake Tahoe residents AND boosting their economy.

Finally, if you want to celebrate New Year's Eve like a true Tahoe local, stay at home because you can't face the traffic and the throngs of people descended upon your formerly peaceful town. Instead, sit on your couch, drink copious amounts of beer and complain about it all on Facebook. Spoiler alert: That's my plan.

LETTER TO TESSIE

Make Tahoe Tessie Great Again

Gosh! I didn't know that Lake monsters were political! Normally Tessie's posts are fairly humorous and fun to read so I was surprised to see that Tessie was a crybaby liberal monster when saying that she wishes for a new president! Maybe Tessie should make a New Year's resolution to just worry about the conditions of her beautiful Lake, or else find a nice dark, cold safe space in the bottom of the Lake!