My boyfriend was a Scientologist

By Natascha

My following story certainly is not comparable to those accounts of
persons who spent years of their life in the cult, who lost their physical
or mental health, and who had to give up their families and friends after
they decided to leave. Or of those who lost their families and friends
because of the cult. And it surely claims no equivalence to the tragic
stories of those who lost their life because of Scientology. But even if
my life has not been as heavily influenced by the cult as others I know
of have been, I still decided to tell my story. I strongly believe that
everybody who has learned about Scientology one way or the other should
make known his experience, for the sake of all those affected by the cult,
be it now or in the future.

I have never actually been a Scientologist, although I probably would
be doing my courses and my auditing sessions right now rather than writing
this, if it had not been for all the help from my family and friends at
that time – but I am jumping ahead of the story.

When he first knocked at my door – I was living in his mother´s
apartment house at that time, she had been talking about me, so he wanted
to meet me – I was so stunned I invited him in for a cup of tea. We talked
till late after midnight. I had never had such a conversation before. He
seemed interested in everything, was polite and friendly, confirmed all
my statements with a soft “Yes, I see” or “Good”… His enthusiasm and diligence
impressed me, as did his cheerfulness. Later, when he brought a book with
him, “What is Scientology”, he showed me the tone scale, the ARC triangle,
the 8 Dynamics and mentioned former lifes he believed he could recall.
But since I had not really heard about Scientology before and since I had
already fallen in love, I pushed my arising doubts away – if somebody really
wants to believe he has to get all his bad experiences from past lifes
audited out of him, why not? If somebody feels he can manage his life better
by using the ARC triangle and by sorting people into a chart, I felt tolerant
enough to let him. Everybody has his peculiarities, I kept telling myself.

In the weeks and months to follow, I began noticing that even more things
were not right.

He was either working (for a Scientologist management consultant) or
doing his courses, and he more and more condescended to people who were
not “working” all the time and thus of no “value”, such as his parents,
or student friends of mine. I noticed he was often lying to people concerning
his whereabouts, probably because his parents did not approve of him being
a Scientologist. When he received mail he did not want to read, he wrote
“Recipient deceased” on the envelope and sent it back. He did not sleep
very much, was always in a hurry and nervous. Due to his Scientologese,
he had obvious difficulty talking to cashiers at the supermarket, or to
some friends of mine who talked about the latest movie. He would not read
anything except Hubbard´s books, stating that “all other literature”
was useless for him. And I noticed that he was not really as cheerful as
he first had seemed, but just trying to be smiling and looking happy all
the time. One night, he called me at three A.M. and let the phone ring
until I finally answered it; he just wanted to hear my voice and was obviously
rather concerned about something, telling me he was afraid to be alone
again after we might break up in times to come. We spoke for almost two
hours that night, and I did not really grasp the meaning of this conversation
at that time.

By then, I had read several of Hubbard´s books, of course, since
I was supposed to “find out for myself”. I had. I especially objected against
the statement that only non-aberrated individuals should be granted
civil rights (Dianetics, page 486 in my 1992 edition), and all the
ideas I found in the Ethics. But when I talked to him about all those passages
I was doubtful of, he behaved as if I had not understood them correctly,
or he would be trying to focus my attention on some completely different,
unrelated passages. I read some critical books on Scientology as well,
and I met an Ex-Scientologist who kindly answered all my questions. My
boyfriend knew about this meeting in advance because I felt no need to
hide anything from him. He reacted as if I had been exposed to a disease
and treated me as if I were deranged. And he was really furious that I
had read books he would not even touch, although he did not really show
his anger, of course.

After that, talking to him became increasingly difficult. Looking back
now, I would say that by then his Org had started to interfere directly
with our relationship: He became more and more indifferent to me when he
had been to the Org, or spoken to a Scientologist. He constantly asked
me to read another book, to try out some auditing, to talk to some Scientologists,
to take the personality test. And indeed I went to the Org with him and
met other Scientologists, most of them long-time members. I was disquieted
by the similarities in ways of thinking, talking, argumenting, and not
listening to other people´s opinions I encountered in all those I
met.

I also kept on reading critical books, talking to people critical of
Scientology, and repeating to him that I did not wish to become a Scientologist.
So we soon had trouble keeping up our relationship. My boyfriend now was
obviously trying to “handle” me. Talking to him on the phone became more
and more painful, same with visits. We did not plan ahead any more, neither
of us knew how much longer we would be able to take it.

When I came back after 7 weeks on vacation and when I hardly recognized
him (he had been on PTS/SP course during that time and after), I knew something
had to happen. And since I had found out what Scientology really was about,
I wanted to help him more than anything else. Although I was already critical
of Scientology at that time, I nevertheless thought about joining, hoping
that would settle our trouble and give me the opportunity to reach him,
and maybe make things more clear. Luckily, I had my family and friends
at that time, and the people I had met when trying to find out more about
Scientology.

He tried to cope with the pressure in another way. When he came home
after a business talk with a Scientologist he knew, he was shaking all
over. He would not talk to me about what had happened, but was just clutching
me silently. One evening when we went for a long walk he started talking
about him and me and Scientology again. My answer clearly did not satisfy
him, and later I found him staring at me. I let some time pass, thinking
he would explain himself, but only when I asked him later did he tell me
something about thought transference by Thetan beams. I am not really sure
but I presume that was his own interpretation of Hubbard.

He was talking about joining the Sea Org, and so he could not have a
2nd Dynamic relationship with a non Scientologist, of course. He would
not accept my No to Scientology, he kept trying to talk me into it, and
I remember horrifying conversations we had during that time. I was shocked
how much he had changed, and in such a short time! It seemed to me as if
he was another person. As a consequence, our communication was dwindling.
He ignored my critical questions about Scientology and later tried to lure
me by promising everything would be okay again if I joined. I had told
him many times before that I did care about him, but not Scientology, and
that I therefore would not want to answer his letters and e-mails anymore
whenever they were concerning Scientology. Well, they all were, and he
obviously did not have anything else to tell me. When he heard that I had
been talking to a girl who was a Sea Org member and left the cult a short
time ago, he felt obliged to let me know that I was in the condition Treason
because of that.

He would never have reacted in such a way only a few months earlier.
We have not spoken since then.