Things that affect me as a person

Tag Archives: Love and affection

You make your rules. Amend it as you wish. Do not have excuses or reasons to feel right about them.

She woke up in his arms. There, the prodigious within her woke up too. She was wearing her cloths to get away from there. He was blinking his eyes to see what the noise was. He saw her cold and emotionless face. He knew something was wrong. He asked her and kept asking her. But, zilch he knew that she was deaf to all those. He started his plea, “Please don’t leave me. Lets talk about it. Have I had done something iniquitous that hurt you? I really love you and I don’t want us to get over like this.”

She tarried. Turned around to look into his eyes, exactly 10 seconds. She looked at him like a vicious tigress that has fulfilled her hunger just then, with a sense of consummation. She grinned. He saw her incredulous. She heard his dirge and she was gone.

In her car:

“Bianca”. She heard the evocative sumptuous whisper yet again. She closed her ears with her hands.

This is the umpteenth guy, who has been humiliated by her. Every single time she feels pleasure. This pleasure has no vindication in her world. Her cab was moving along the coast, somewhere her thoughts drift to her dark past effortlessly.

Past:

“Bianca has lots of scabs that she has to reconcile before she can have a peaceful relationship”, said the doctor to her mom. I’m afraid she would keep doing this to herself if she tries to run away from them. She ought to face them.

She heard it. She also saw the drops of tears in her mom’s eyes. Coming out of the clinic, she spoke to her mom. The long awaited conversation. She assured her that she would give life another chance. No one can deter her from doing it. But you know life is a bitch.

Airport:

“Bia, promise me that you would take care of yourself and your wounds from bleeding more.” She smiled. She had one of those cutest serene smiles in the world. Her innocence still locked within amidst the tempests.

“Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to London International Airport. The local time is 1 pm and the temperature is 4 degree Celsius”

There she is in her beloved city for the first time in search of new life.

“Hi”, said Zafar, one of the cabin crewmembers. I just wanted to say you looked really beautiful with your messy hair all over your face, when you were sleeping.

She looked straight into his eyes. The spark. She had her mind voice telling her, “Stay away”. She expeditiously said thanks and fled from there to her university accommodation.

She was hunted religiously.

Being judgmental about people within you is never wrong. Voicing or allowing the judgments to influence other’s behavior is an inappropriate human nature.

Sometimes love makes you believe in those larger than life emotions. Bianca was flying in the air. Her life made sense to her. Her sufferings made sense to her. She alleged that it was all worth it.

Because she met Zafar.

Everything about Zafar made her like a whipped animal. He was a good player. She heard his heartbeats and he whispered into her ears, “Bianca”. She wished, she could tell him what it meant to her. Words can’t explicate certain human emotions. She blinked her eyes open to see him getting ready in his uniform to get to work. And he gave her the saccharine chortle possible. And there he said, “It was nice knowing you”.

Her dirge never reached his ears because it never came out of her. She was silenced once for all. Now, everything made unequivocally no sense. When was she ever efficacious in telling people that they are not only close to her heart but they are a part of it? Here goes another part. He took it in such a way that it left vicious bleeding behind.

World within her was doomed. She had to reconstruct it again. The damage done this time was amplified. She questioned her competencies in weathering in this big nasty world. She also realized that questions in life remain the same but answers to them keep changing as a human grows and evolves.

She changed her answers.

Present:

She snapped out of her thoughts and opened the newspaper.

“Zafar Khan, after 9 years of dating, finally gets married to the love of his life.”

She placed a cigarette on her feverish lips and lit it. After a puff, she said, “Motherfucking-son-of-a-bitch.” She turned the page.

Love-lust-trust-betrayal. She amended her rules for herself. Life was way easier. Meet one of the successful models of the generation – Bianca

The sense of respect for each other’s emotions is as basic as the love in a relationship

She was brooding on “How many in the species of Homo sapiens are virtuous in handling perfidy?” Meet Zakiah, the protagonist, who is equivocating between various vicious human emotions in the most susceptible phase of life. She is a meek girl who lives with the faith of beholding miracles in small gestures of fellow beings. She looks for true emotions amongst ostentatious people. Her fault was to be oblivious that world doesn’t work that way for anyone.

She had felt the chaste love for someone lately. This is not her first love. She has a bitter past that curbs her from men and love. Amid her scuffle to find herself and lurching to get out of the penitentiary she had built for herself, she met him, Kayid, the fervent “someone”, who is competent of going to any limits for his subsistence. Not everyone is adept at moving along with the evolving time. She is one of them. The integrities, ideologies, emotions of human race have tainted according to the expediency. Darwin called it survival of the fittest. He was one such with no values for other’s emotions. No respect.

Zakiah fell for Kayid, so hard that she was blind to his venal intensions. She was overwhelmed with his presence in her life. She was connecting the dots of several occasions that pushed her to him and was grinning about it. Love is perceived as a solitary tenacity for her existence. She conquered gratification in showing love to him.

They go to the same university. Kayid was using her for his materialistic gains. Though she was getting glimpse of his intents, she chose to be oblivion to them in the name of love.

The dark day for her, the reality yet again gave a hard slap. This slap was death striking that she doubted the tranquility of her lucidity. He betrayed her for a worthless materialistic cause. She knew she was being manipulated. She thought, “Is this is what it is or I’m being canopy to him once again?” She had to make the sternest choice, him or the right thing? She chose to do the right thing. If only she had known that she is going is pay a really heavy price for doing the right thing.

Kayid chose to show his dark side to her. She was obligated to wobble her reasons to live life. The relationship that was the reason of life within her pushed her to the verge of giving up on it. Her feelings were not respected. She was not respected. It was beyond what she had alleged he is capable of doing to her. He was efficacious in giving her the permanent silence to her. Her feminism begged him to spare her emotional virginity. Nothing really mattered to him. He cut all his ties with her.

She was left to ponder on the betrayal of her love for the rest of the life.