Happy in a hurricane .....conclusion

Wow, what a journey this has been for the last 6 years. Ever come across the threshold of a new chapter in your life, and at the same time, have the marvelous opportunity to properly tie up loose ends the good way instead of doing it with a blunt knife leaving regrets?

Im right there at this moment. A moment I dreamed to come, a moment that came to Me more than I ever imagined. Exciting, terrifying, fun, scary sad, all at the same time.

Riding this hurricane has led me to meet miraculous people...and u know who u are. Othertimes it has cut me to the bone with unimaginable pain im not sure the human condition is ready of such suffering. The hurricane has begun to gently sit me down in a new place, a new life completely diffrent from the one I was living before for the last 6 years. Like a piece of debris uprooted from one place to another.

I have not fought it, accepted it, bided my time wisely and I get to be rewarded with saying goodbye.

It started off 6 years ago with a trip to the docs, cancer diagnosis, surgery, all hell breaking loose with my metabolism and immune system. Fibromyalgia, arthritis,chronic fatigue, u mane it I kinda have it. And let me tell you, you really really need those 2 things working properly so you can take advantage of this thing we call life. I know that now.

I woke up with a body swollen and in pain I never even knew could exist mentally, physically, and emotionally. I diddnt recognise the beast I saw in the mirror. A swollen body that had betrayed me. And spent and still do an ongoing peace process with it. My best years supposedly riddled with illness, sadness and pain.

My body began to match my old soul...and my mental capacities grew from a picture of black and white absolutes to a compassionate loving seer of shades of grey until technicolor graced me.

I moved beyond my body. I moved beyond my illnesses. I moved beyond my catastrophic losses. I moved beyond the abuse by the people who just could not fathom, I moved beyond and realized I am much much more than the body that houses ME, Much more than the spirit that makes ME, Much more than the heart that bleeds on My sleeve.

I dont care what society thinks of Me. They dont know Me, know my daily struggles or even care to find out why I am the way I am. Ill get judged harshly by insolent simple people..and thats fine. I care what my friends think. To Me, they are family I picked out and treasure them most of all and on the backs of their kind words and LOVE propping me up...I am ok now to walk amoungst the daydwellers.

I had a long talk with my grandmother recently. She let me go to be with my father that is also ill...and I thanked her for it...Shes dying, scared of death, and as I forgave her for the things we said and did to each other, the complicated issues that surround families with challenges, and loved her on a human level... Her eyes, Ill never forget, her pain , ill carry with me as well...and I sat hugging her staring my mother at the end of the bed that could find no compassion for her mother to hold her in her final days of need.

I dont know what hurt worse...seeing my grandmother that way ..Me useless to stop any of it and I couldnt lie to her that everything was going to be ok....or realizing how cold my mother was in that moment. Its been haunting Me a lot lately.

Im feeling a severe loss of my old life fading away with the cost of close family relatives as well....My new life is filled with blessing and opportunity, as I have a beautiful new house in Arizona to call my Own, friends and family there that are positive and love Me for Me..I get to tie up loose ends with my father for however long I am graced with the opportunity, and a wonderful job market to pursue any career aspiration I dream to, and healing from this last 6 years of the hurricane I learned to ride.

This blog, and all the wonderful readers that have stopped on my this place has been my outlet to release things, dreams and parts of Me so I can evolve to this point. I still will. In a new shape, a new transformation. I hope you all come with me for the new chapter in the

I have known you briefly but have an amaing amount of respect for you and your take on life. I know you will be just fine. Your spirit is beautiful and strong. I will be honored to visit. Grace, peace and love and regarding the haters....WHO???

Your blogs have always been incredibly honest and powerful - even when written surrounded by sarcasm. I even copied down a quote of yours and at one point in time, refered to it often: Loyalty, once cashed in with betrayal, is useless forever more. I'm glad to see you'r on an enlighted path, hun.

i wish there were more tangible ways i could show you my love and friendship; perhaps some day i'll be able to correct that.for the moment i can only send you my love from here... along with my utmost admiration for your strength.sweet kisses.your gatsby.

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