WIBU/WWYD speak to the exchange student supervisor?

My younger sister has a Chinese exchange student staying for 6-7 weeks, they are 11/12yrs old.

She speaks good English and she's obviously confident to have flown across the world for a month and a half at her age but.....

Most of the Chinese cultures and practices they were told of don't seem to ring true for this girl.

She is glued to a smartphone with earphones in all of the time, even through meals. She doesn't stay at the table until everyone has finished, doesn't say please or thank you, good morning, goodnight etc.

When asked why she doesn't speak she replies clearly that she doesn't like talking to people (she's clearly a natural introvert).

My mum raised us with very strict manners, particularly at the table, so she's taken this as some sort of personal insult and told me she thinks this girl may be on the autistic spectrum (wtf Mum?!).
Last night when handed a menu she pointed to what she wanted with an abrupt 'I want this' before returning to her screen and Mum just hissed a 'Please!' at her.

I've spoken to mum to try and reiterate this girls position. Strange country, city to rural living, no experience of pets, obviously different table manners at home etc but Mum is having none of it.
She's started making back handed comments about the girl at meals or when she comes out of her room.
She'll appear engrossed in a Chinese tv series on her phone but I'm sure she'll be picking up on this animosity, despite the language barriers.

I feel for the girl. If she can feel the tension that's only going to push her into her bubble further and make for a miserable 5 weeks 😕

Would you approach the teacher who organises the exchange? I think he needs an unbiased view on what's expected in the household (I think stricter than most British households) and mum's inability to approach the situation calmly.

Ah right, sorry I thought your sister was an adult. Yes maybe speaking to the tutor would help, sounds like your mum has expectations of this girl but she probably just needs time to settle in. It's a big step going to another country, especially at 11!

How many weeks are left?
I’m sure the girl is shy and maybe feels awkward but when you undertake an exchange you have to accept that you Have to fit in with the family’s ‘traditions, values, wats of living, etc.

Yes this girl is staying with your mum for 6 weeks and there are certain rules she needs to follow but your mum is an adult and should be able to deal with this appropriately and hold her tongue. Shes being ruder than the guest with her snide comments at/about a child from a different country and culture.

11/12 is fairly young to be away from home for that long, and to live in a different culture with strangers. There is clearly a personality and culture clash between your mum and the girl, and it must be hard for the girl. I was an exchange student, an Erasmus student, and have also hosted exchange students at home. I found hosting quite stressful, and that was after knowing what it is like as an exchange student. As an Erasmus student I found it incredibly rude that people in the host country would not say “excuse me” but sort of hiss at you when they wanted your attention, and no one ever seemed to say please or thank you. As an exchange student (age 16) I was lucky to have a very understanding host family. I think getting the teacher speak to your mum is a good idea. I would also suggest for your mum to have a word and just say :”no phones at the table or when we have family time”. Maybe play some board games, get her to watch telly with the family etc. Ask her what she would like to experience in England. Could your mum also speak with other host families? They may all experience the same thing, and it helps talking to people. your mum is expecting this pre-teen to be self and culturally aware, which is a lot to expect. She may also by shy and homesick.

I feel sorry for the girl, it's your mum who is being rude not the girl. I wouldn't expect constant please and thank yous from a guest staying for 6 weeks and she must be feeling homesick and shy/lonely. Has your mum asked her not to bring the phone to the table and to wait until everyone has finished before she leaves?

How many weeks are left?
I’m sure the girl is shy and maybe feels awkward b...

Posted
16/05/2018

How many weeks are left?
I’m sure the girl is shy and maybe feels awkward but when you undertake an exchange you have to accept that you Have to fit in with the family’s ‘traditions, values, wats of living, etc.
I’d eitger have a polite word with the girl or the teacher?

5 weeks I think.

Unfortunately I'm unlikely to visit again before she leaves hence the teacher suggestion.

And I agree she has to attempt to live in the family unit and accept British values. I'm just unsure that mum has approached it properly before all this aggro started 🤔

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