*UPDATE* – Not cool, kangaroos

It was recently reported by the BBC that a man in Australia was forced to wrestle a kangaroo after it broke into his home. The six-foot marsupial crashed through a window in the middle of the night.

“My initial thought when I was half awake was, ‘it’s a lunatic ninja coming through the window’,” Beat Elltin told reporters. Sorting out that it was actually not an insane ninja but rather a more common member of Genus Macropus, Mr. Elltin began wrestling the kangaroo, eventually getting it into a headlock and dragging it out the front door.

While this was going on, Mr. Elltin was dressed in his underwear, which were shredded in the brawl, along with much of the skin on his buttocks.

Interestingly enough, there is an old saying among Australia’s aboriginal peoples (for whom kangaroo meat is a mainstay of their diet) that goes: ‘If you find yourself putting a kangaroo in a headlock while wearing only your underpants, there’s a problem.’

Truer words about underwear-clad kangaroo wrestling have rarely been spoken, except, of course, by Mr. Elltin himself, who a long time ago said, ‘I really don’t think I’ll ever have to put a kangaroo in a headlock. But knowing my luck, if it happens, I’ll probably be dressed in only my underpants which will likely be shredded in the process, so maybe I better keep some Bactrin around.’

My father always told me, “Son, if you’re sleeping in Australia, always wear chain mail pajamas in case a kangaroo breaks into your home in the middle of the night and you have to put the thing in a headlock.” Little did I know just how right he was. Thanks, Dad.