08.30.06

Buckeye HerOes cereal, the newest university-licensed food, will hit store shelves in time for Saturday™s football opener against Northern Illinois at Ohio Stadium.

“We couldn™t make them ˜block Os™, so we made them Os,” said Rick Van Brimmer, director of OSU trademark and licensing services.

Three OSU football stars from last year ” Bobby Carpenter, A.J. Hawk and Anthony Schlegel ” are starring on the HerOes box.

The honey-nut-flavored toasted oats will cost $3.49 for a 14-ounce box at Kroger stores, where they™ll be stocked as early as Thursday, said Monica Gordon, spokeswoman for the chain™s Great Lakes division.

Shoppers already can fill their carts with OSU pasta, chips, salsa, hot dogs, mustard and hot sauces, as well as candy Buckeyes.

“People get excited when football season rolls around and look for unique items to enhance the parties they have,” Gordon said.

If the cereal sells, OSU will come out with a box featuring another former Buckeyes star, probably in early January, and boxes with other OSU ex-athletes perhaps twice a year after that, Van Brimmer said. Some cereal-box faces under consideration: Woody Hayes, Jesse Owens and Jack Nicklaus.

Enough kids are skipping breakfast, as is, without subjecting them to the visage of Woody Hayes first thing in the morning.

5 Responses to “Because “Clarett Crunch” Just Sounds Wrong”

In lieu of making Senor Hayes part of a balanced breakfast, maybe Woodrow can participate in a Scared Slim program, where pug-ugly asswits go to fat camps and tell those chubby chunks to put down the f*cking Ho-Hos and get a f*cking clue.