Sunday, July 23, 2006

A couple of weeks ago, I was working for a client who is involved in the porn industry. Basically, I write reviews for various porn sites that he asked me to visit. At first, it seemed like a dream job: I sit in front of the computer, the client hands me the password to the sites, I gain access and download its pictures and videos, and I write what I think about it. However, I was brought back into reality when the client demanded reviews of not less than 500 words discussing the quality of the site, its layout, resolution of the images and videos, and acting of the models (!), among other things. To top it all off, the client was very anal (no pun intended) about the grammar, syntax, and spelling of the words and sentences of the review. Porn, for once, became such a drag.

Within the span of three days writing for the client, a lot of changes occurred to me. I lost approximately 5 lbs., I think. Just for the record, I didn’t “choked the bishop” or “peeled the banana” or “skinned the cat,” fancying over the porn material. There were people in the room, for crying out loud! I just skipped dinner simply because I didn’t have the appetite to eat food during those times, aside from also being “busy” writing the reviews. Also, my sleeping habits dropped from the usual 7-8 hours, to 3-5 hours. What’s even stranger was the fact that I didn’t feel tired or sleepy at all by the time I got out of bed!

Days after getting relieved from the job, stating that he wasn’t impressed with the work I’ve been doing, however, everything slowly returned to normal. I started eating REAL food again, calories, cholesterol, and all that junk. I also get to sleep longer nowadays. Just recently, it got me thinking about what brought this sudden transformation from a normal omnivorous sleepyhead to a walking zombie feeding on bread and lots of water.

And then all of a sudden, light shone upon the heavens and blinded me into the answer!

I think that my appetite has been fulfilled by something much more satisfying, something food can never supply in a lifetime. And I just found out that watching and writing about the videos from CumOnJugs, Latin Adultery, and My First Sex Teacher can actually fill the needs of a human being. By watching and writing about porn, one can forget that s/he actually needs to eat and sleep, because s/he transcends the physical desires of the human being!

I don’t know the scientific explanation for this, but I think it applies to most people I know. My teammate during that time was reportedly fat before I got aboard. But after weeks of laboring over porn (oh, the irony!), that teammate of mine got thinner, and was sleeping 1 ½ hours per day! Another person who was also working under the same account admitted that he even forgot to eat dinner while working. Forgot dinner? Who the fuck would forget dinner?!?

What’s my point? Forget those lame diet programs. Stop taking caffeine. Throw away your personal copies of Chicken Soup for the Soul. If you want to get thinner and wide awake in the wee hours of the evening, watch porn. And write about it.