Domestic Violence

Topic Overview

What is domestic violence?

Domestic violence is
abuse that happens in a personal relationship. It can happen between past or
current partners, spouses, or boyfriends and girlfriends.

Domestic
violence affects men and women of any ethnic group, race, or religion; gay or
straight; rich or poor; teen, adult, or elderly. But most of its victims are
women. In fact, 1 out of 4 women will be a victim at some point.1

The abuser may use fear, bullying, and threats
to gain power and control over the other person. He or she may act jealous,
controlling, or possessive. These early signs of abuse may happen soon after
the start of the relationship and might be hard to notice at first.

After the relationship becomes more serious, the abuse may get worse.

The abuser may begin making threats, calling
the other person names, and slamming doors or breaking dishes. This is a form
of emotional abuse that is sometimes used to make the person feel bad or
weak.

Physical abuse that starts with a slap might lead to kicking,
shoving, and choking over time.

As a way
to control the person, the abuser may make violent threats against the person's
children, other family members, or pets.

Abusers may also control
or withhold money to make the person feel weak and dependent. This is called
financial abuse.

Domestic violence also includes sexual abuse,
such as forcing a person to have sex against her will.

Money troubles and problems with drugs or alcohol can make it more
likely that abuse will happen.

Abuse is also common in teens who
are dating. It often happens through controlling behaviors and jealousy.

What should you do if you're being abused?

It's important to get help. Talk with someone you trust, such as a friend, a help center, or your doctor. Talking with someone can help you make the changes you need.

Your first step is to contact a local advocacy group for support, information, and advice on how to stay safe. Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (1-800-799-7233) for the nearest program. The hotline is available 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, in English, Spanish, and other languages.

You can also see the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence website at www.ncadv.org/resources/StateCoalitionList.php to find the program nearest to you that offers shelter and legal support.

Here are some other things you can do:

Know your legal rights. Consider asking the police for help.

Make sure that you know phone numbers you can
call and places you can go in an emergency.

Teach your children
not to get in the middle of a fight.

If you think you may leave,
make a plan to help keep you safe. This will help when you are getting ready to
leave. Your plan might include:

Putting together and hiding a suitcase of
clothing, copies of your car and house keys, money or credit cards, and
important papers, such as Social Security cards and birth certificates for you
and your children. Keep the suitcase hidden in your home or leave it with friends or family or at work if possible.

Open a savings account or get a credit
card, if you can do so in secret.

If you are a teen, talk to a trusted adult, such as
your parents, family friend, or school counselor. You can also call the National Teen Dating Abuse Hotline toll-free: 1-866-331-9474.

What should you do if you know someone who is being abused?

Here are some things you can do to help:

Be a good listener and a caring friend.

Remind the person that no one deserves to be treated this way.

Let the person know that the abuse is against the law and that
help is available.

Help the person make a plan to stay safe.

You can also suggest that the person call the National Domestic
Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (1-800-799-7233) to find a local domestic
violence support group.

Keep in mind that the person may not want or be ready to leave. He or
she probably knows the abuser best and knows what options are safest. But it is
important for victims of abuse to know where they can get help.

Why do victims stay?

People who are not abused
might find it hard to understand why anyone would stay in a violent
relationship. Some people think that if a person stays in an abusive
relationship, she or he must be weak or needy. This is not true.

There is more to this issue than simply leaving or staying. A woman may
fear that the abuser will hurt her and her children or take her children away.
She may have limited financial options. She may blame herself. She may stay for
religious reasons or because she does not want to break up the family. Also,
she may still love her abuser and hope that things will get better. Men who are being abused may have similar feelings.

What are the harmful effects of domestic violence?

Domestic violence hurts victims as well as their families. Don't ignore
it.

People who suffer from abuse can be badly hurt. They are also
likely to have long-lasting (chronic) health problems, such as
depression, headaches, and
post-traumatic stress disorder. This is because of the
repeated injuries and stress from living with abuse.

Abuse can
happen more often and get worse when women are pregnant. It is dangerous for
both the mother and the baby. It can raise the baby's risk of low birth weight,
premature birth, and death.
The pregnant woman is at higher risk of other problems, such as infections and
bleeding.2

And abuse has a big effect on children. Children who live
in a home where abuse happens see violence as a normal way of life. It also
raises their chance of being in a violent relationship as adults, either as
abusers or as victims.3 Teens are at greater risk
for depression, drug and alcohol use, and unsafe behavior.

Signs of Domestic Violence

Most relationships have
difficult times, and almost every couple argues now and then. But violence is
different from common marital or relationship problems.
Domestic violence is a pattern of abuse that a
partner—former or current partner, spouse, or boyfriend or girlfriend—uses to
control the behavior of another.

Domestic violence often starts
with threats, name-calling, and slamming doors or breaking dishes, and
it can build up to pushing, slapping, and other violent acts. If you are concerned about your relationship, ask yourself the
following questions.

Does your partner:

Embarrass you with put-downs?

Look at you or act in ways that scare you?

Control what you do, who you see or talk to, or where you go?

Stop you from seeing your friends or family members?

Take your money or paycheck, make you ask for money, or refuse to give you money?

Make all of the decisions?

Tell you that you're a bad parent or threaten to take away or hurt your children?

Threaten to commit suicide?

Prevent you from working or
going to school?

Act like the abuse is no big deal or is your fault, or even deny doing it?

Destroy your property or threaten to kill your pets?

Intimidate you with guns, knives, or other weapons?

Shove you, slap you, choke you, or hit you?

Threaten to kill you?

If any of these things or other types of abuse are happening, you need to seek
help. It's important to know that you are not alone. The way your partner acts is not your fault. Help is available.

Signs that someone you know is being abused

Do you have a friend, coworker, relative, or neighbor who
you think may be in an abusive relationship?

Here are some signs to watch for:

Bruises or injuries that look like they came
from choking, punching, or being thrown down. Black eyes, red or purple marks
at the neck, and sprained wrists are common injuries in violent
relationships.

Attempting to hide bruises with makeup or
clothing

Making excuses like tripping or being accident-prone or
clumsy. Often the seriousness of the injury does not match up with the
explanation.

Having few close friends and being isolated from
relatives and coworkers and kept from making friends

Having to ask permission to meet, talk with, or do things with other people

Having little
money available; may not have credit cards or even a car

Other warning signs:

Having low self-esteem; being extremely apologetic and
meek

Referring to the partner's temper but not disclosing the extent
of the abuse

Having a
drug or alcohol abuse problem

Having symptoms of depression, such
as sadness or hopelessness, or loss of interest in daily
activities

Who Is at Risk

Many people have been hurt by domestic violence. About 25% of women (25 out of 100) and 8% of men (8 out of 100) in the United States have been physically
and/or sexually abused by an intimate partner at some point in their adult
lives.1 But just because it happens a lot doesn't make it okay.

Domestic violence can happen to anyone, but being poor increases the chances that it will occur.4
The stress of poverty can increase conflict in a relationship. That conflict sometimes leads to violence.

Alcohol abuse also increases the
risk. In about 45% of domestic
violence cases, men had been drinking. In 20% of cases, women had been
drinking.4

The risks can increase when a partner is thinking about leaving the relationship. This might cause the other
person to feel as if he or she is losing control. A person is at increased
risk of being a victim of stalking, attempted murder, or murder after leaving an abusive
relationship.4 But it's important to remember that most women who are able to leave won't have another abusive relationship.

Domestic abuse is also a
big problem among the elderly. For more information, see
Elder Abuse.

Domestic Violence and Your Health

Domestic violence is the most common cause of
injury to women ages 18 to 44 in the United States. After abuse starts, it usually continues. And it's likely to get worse over time. Abuse that starts with a slap
may build up over time to kicking and shoving and finally choking.

The repeated injury and stress of living in a violent
relationship can cause long-lasting health problems, such as:

Abused women
have a higher risk of major health problems. Women who are abused are also more likely to smoke or abuse
alcohol, which can also lead to health problems.5 Other health problems linked to sexual abuse include sexually transmitted infections (including
HIV/AIDS) and unintended pregnancies.

If you're pregnant

Pregnancy can be an especially
dangerous time for women who are in abusive relationships. Abuse may get worse or even start during pregnancy. As many as 4% to 8% of all pregnant
women are in abusive relationships.2 Problems during pregnancy, such
as low weight gain,
anemia, infections, and bleeding, are higher for these
women.

Babies who are born to abused women also suffer. Abuse during
pregnancy has been shown to increase the baby's risk of low birth weight,
premature birth, and death.2

There's no excuse for abuse. If you are being abused, it's time to get help. You deserve to be safe. Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233.

How It Affects Children

When there's violence in the home, children are always affected, even if they're asleep or not in the room when the abuse happens. The longer you live in a violent situation, the harder it will be for your children.

When abuse happens, your children may feel scared and ashamed, or they may even think that they caused the problem. Worse, they can grow up thinking that it's okay to hurt others or let other people hurt them.

Abuse also affects:

Your children's health. Children who live in homes where domestic violence occurs are more likely to have depression, anxiety, poor school performance, behavior problems, trouble sleeping, or chronic health problems.

Your children's safety. Men who
abuse their wives also often hurt their children. Violence or the
threat of violence toward a victim's children is often used to control an abused woman. In 30% to 60% of these violent homes, the children are also
abused.1

Teen drug and alcohol use. Both teen boys and girls who witness abuse are at increased risk for depression, drug and alcohol use, and behavior problems.

Suicide. Teen girls who witness abuse at home attempt suicide more often.6

Future abuse. Children who see one partner hurting or threatening the other are more likely to be in abusive relationships themselves when they grow up, either as victims or abusers.7

Asking for help is hard. But it's important for you and your children that you get the support you need. You and your children deserve to be safe. When you leave an abusive
relationship, you show by example that violence is wrong and that it's possible to make healthy choices.

Why Victims Stay

People who are not abused might
find it hard to understand why anyone would stay in an abusive relationship. Victims are often blamed. Some
people falsely believe that if a person stays, she
or he must be weak or needy. This is not true.

Changing or ending any relationship is hard. It can be even harder when the relationship is abusive. People stay for many reasons, such as:

Conflicting emotions. Abusers use verbal,
emotional, and physical violence along with apologies, promises, and affection to
control their victims. A victim may hold on to the hope
that the abuser will change. Along with painful times,
there may be loving moments. The abuser may also be the only one providing financial support for the family.

Shame. Victims often feel tremendous shame and embarrassment and use
denial as a way of coping with the abuse.

Safety concerns. In many cases, the abuser has threatened to kill his partner, himself, or
the children if his partner tries to leave. (This is also true of men who are abused.)

Lack of money and resources. Money is often
tightly controlled, so a woman may fear losing financial support and may question
how she will be able to support herself and her children. Women who are elderly or have disabilities may not feel
that they have any other options than to stay with the abusive partner.

Depression and isolation. Abuse can leave victims depressed and emotionally drained. This can make it hard to act. And abusers try to isolate victims
from family and friends so that the victims do not have anyone to support them
if they do leave.

Cultural or religious pressures. In some cases, religious counselors, relatives, or
friends may encourage women to stay to keep the family together no matter what.

Custody worries. A woman may worry about losing custody of her children if she leaves.

Fear of being deported. Immigrant women might stay in an abusive relationship because their partners have threatened to have them deported. Not being fluent in English might also be a challenge.

How to Help

Many victims of
domestic violence are willing to talk about their
relationship when they are approached in a kind and understanding manner. But
don't confront a victim if the person is not ready to talk. Let the person know
you are willing to listen whenever he or she wants to talk. Be understanding if
the person is unable to leave. He or she often knows the situation best and
when it is safest to leave.

Reassure the person that the abuse is
not his or her fault and that no one deserves to be abused. If the person has
children, gently point out that you are concerned that the violence is
affecting them. Many victims do not understand that their children are being
harmed until someone else voices the concern.

Remind the victim
that domestic violence is against the law and that help is available. You may
be able to help a victim understand his or her options. Be willing to assist in
any way you can with transportation, money, or child care. Encourage your
friend to talk with a health professional.

The most dangerous
time for a victim of domestic violence can be when the person is leaving an abusive
relationship, so any advice about leaving must be knowledgeable and practical.
Encourage the victim to get advice from an advocacy agency with experience in
the area of domestic violence.

Helping a person contact local
domestic violence groups is an important step. If you know someone who is being
abused, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE
(1-800-799-7233) or see the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence's website at www.ncadv.org/resources/StateCoalitionList.php to find the nearest program offering
shelter and legal support. There are many programs across the country that
provide options for safety, advocacy, support, and needed information and
services.

Developing a Safety Plan

A
violent relationship puts you and your children at
risk for injury and even death. Developing a plan will help provide for your
safety and the safety of your children.

Your first step is to contact a local advocacy group for support, information, and advice on how to stay safe. Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (1-800-799-7233) or visit www.thehotline.org for the nearest program. The hotline is available 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, in English, Spanish, and other languages.

You can also see the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence website at www.ncadv.org/resources/StateCoalitionList.php to find the program nearest to you that offers shelter and legal support.

Have a packed bag ready with copies of your car and house keys, money or credit cards, and
important papers, such as Social Security cards and birth certificates for you
and your children. Keep it hidden in your home, or leave the bag with friends or family or at work if possible.

Open a savings account or get a credit
card, if you can do so in secret.

If your abuser comes to your home, you don't have to let him or her in. Keep the doors closed and locked, and call the police.

After you have left, you may need to take extra measures to stay safe. Your local advocacy group can help you get in touch with legal and social services in your area. This group may also provide information on counseling and support groups that can help you recover emotionally from your abuse.

Legal Protection From Abuse

Many women and men are
reluctant to call police when they have been hurt. Victims fear that their partners
will retaliate or that police officers will be insensitive and embarrass them,
among other concerns. But many communities have made great progress in
educating police officers and other people in the criminal justice system about
domestic violence.

Many states require
that police officers automatically arrest the abuser if they believe domestic
violence has occurred. In some communities, assistance from local victim's
advocacy groups and state social services are requested at the same time. Along
with these services, the law can be another tool you can use to increase your
safety and independence.

In many states, police officers can help
you obtain a temporary
protective order (or restraining order) at the scene
of the crime. These orders usually last until a permanent protective order can
be issued.

In general, protective orders require the abuser to
stay away from you, your home, your workplace, or your school—to stop all
contact, whether by telephone, notes, email, or other means—and to stop
harming or threatening you. You can request a protective order at any time. An
abuser can be arrested for violating a protective order, which is considered
contempt of court and a minor (misdemeanor) criminal offense.

Protective orders are available in all states, but each state has its own laws
governing them. Many states allow you to obtain a protective order
without an attorney. The court can also extend the protective
order to your children and order the abuser to have no contact with them, your
children's doctors, day care, or school.

Keep your protective order with you at all times, and keep
a copy in a safe place. If you travel to another state, check to see if your
protective order is valid in that state. Some states enforce protective orders
from other states, but many do not.

While protective orders do not
automatically prevent you from being abused, they do deter abusers. In one
large study that followed women for 12 months, women who obtained permanent
protective court orders were 80% less likely to be physically or
psychologically abused than those who did not get permanent protective
orders.8

Contact your local domestic
violence group, legal aid society, or family court for help. See the National
Coalition Against Domestic Violence's website at
www.ncadv.org/resources/StateCoalitionList.php to find the program nearest to you that
offers shelter and legal support. Also, the National Domestic Violence Hotline
1-800-799-SAFE (1-800-799-7233) can provide you with contacts.

The court may also award temporary custody of children to you, along with child
support, spousal support, and use of the home and car along with the protective
order. The court may be able to order the batterer to pay your legal costs and
fees. As a victim of a crime, you may also be eligible for additional financial
support from the court.

Many states require that
abusers attend batterer intervention programs. These programs try to make
abusers accountable for their behavior and educate them about healthy
alternatives to their abuse. Batterer intervention programs report varying
degrees of success, although so far, studies have not verified that success.
Most experts believe that batterer programs are most effective when the abuser
recognizes that his or her behavior is abusive, and wants to change.9

Teen Relationship Abuse

Teens who abuse their girlfriends or boyfriends do the same things as adults who abuse their partners. Teen dating violence is just as serious as adult domestic violence. And it's common. About 2 in 10 teen girls say they have been physically or sexually abused by a dating partner. About 1 in 10 teen boys report abuse in dating relationships.10

In adult domestic violence, women are more often the victim. In teen
relationship abuse, both boys and girls report abuse about equally.11 But boys tend to start the violence more often and use
greater force.11

Abusive relationships have good times and bad times. Part of what makes dating violence so confusing is that there is love mixed with the abuse. This can make it hard to tell if you're really being abused. If you're not sure, see Signs of Domestic Violence.

You deserve to be treated in a loving, respectful way at all times by your boyfriend or girlfriend.

Ask yourself these questions. Does your boyfriend or girlfriend:

Have a history of bad relationships or past violence?

Always blame his or her problems on other people?

Blame you for "making" him or her treat you badly?

Try to use drugs or alcohol to get you alone when you don't want to be?

Try to control you by being bossy, not taking your opinion seriously, or making all of the decisions about who you see or what you wear?

Talk about people in sexual ways or talk about sex like it's a game or contest?

Pressure you to have or force you to have unprotected sex?

Constantly text you or call you to find out where you are and who you're with? You might think that's about caring, but it's really about controlling your relationship.

If you answered yes to any of these questions, you might be in an abusive relationship. Talk to your parents or another adult
family member, a school counselor, or teacher. Or you can get help from the National Domestic
Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (1-800-799-7233) or go to www.thehotline.org or the National Teen Dating Abuse Hotline at 1-866-331-9474 (www.loveisrespect.org).

Remember, you're not alone. Talking really does help. And without help, the violence will only get worse.

Other Places To Get Help

Organizations

Healthy Minds. Healthy Lives.American Psychiatric Association

1000

Wilson Boulevard

1825

Arlington, VA 22209

Phone:

1-888-35-PSYCH

Email:

apa@psych.org

Web Address:

www.healthyminds.org

This online resource is provided by the American Psychiatric Association for anyone seeking mental health information. It includes information on many common mental health concerns, including warning signs of mental disorders, treatment options, and preventive measures.

KidsHealth for Parents, Children, and
Teens

Nemours Home Office

10140 Centurion Parkway

Jacksonville, FL 32256

Phone:

(904) 697-4100

Web Address:

www.kidshealth.org

This website is sponsored by the Nemours Foundation. It
has a wide range of information about children's health—from allergies and
diseases to normal growth and development (birth to adolescence). This website
offers separate areas for kids, teens, and parents, each providing
age-appropriate information that the child or parent can understand. You can
sign up to get weekly emails about your area of interest.

National Coalition Against Domestic Violence
(NCADV)

1 Broadway

Suite B210

Denver, CO 80203

Phone:

(303) 839-1852

Fax:

(303) 831-9251

TDD:

(303) 839-1681

Email:

mainoffice@ncadv.org

Web Address:

www.ncadv.org

NCADV's work includes coalition building at the local, state, regional and national levels; support for the provision of community-based, nonviolent alternatives (such as safe home and shelter programs) for battered women and their children; public education and technical assistance; policy development and innovative legislation; focus on the leadership of NCADV's caucuses developed to represent the concerns of organizationally under represented groups; and efforts to eradicate social conditions that contribute to violence against women and children.

National Domestic Violence Hotline

Phone:

1-800-799-SAFE (1-800-799-7233)

TDD:

1-800-787-3224

Email:

ndvh@ndvh.org (email is not confidential or secure)

Web Address:

www.ndvh.org

The National Domestic Violence Hotline offers crisis
intervention, information about domestic violence, and referrals to local
service providers for victims of domestic violence (men, women, and teens) and those
calling on their behalf. The hotline is available 24 hours a day, 365 days a
year, in English, Spanish, and other languages. The hotline connects callers to
more than 4,000 shelters and service providers in the United States, Puerto
Rico, and the U.S. Virgin Islands.

Violence Against Women

200 Independence Avenue SW

Washington, DC 20201

Phone:

1-800-994-9662

TDD:

1-888-220-5446

Web Address:

www.womenshealth.gov/violence/index.cfm

The Violence Against Women landing page is provided by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services Office on Women's Health. It provides information on all types of violence against women, including specific resources and information on how to get help.

Jackson S, et al. (2003). Batterer intervention programs: Where do we go from here. National Institute of Justice Special Report, No. 195079. Available online: http://www.ncjrs.org/pdffiles1/nij/195079.pdf.

Jackson S, et al. (2003). Batterer intervention programs: Where do we go from here. National Institute of Justice Special Report, No. 195079. Available online: http://www.ncjrs.org/pdffiles1/nij/195079.pdf.

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