Rehab your money habits

It's easy to blame financial stress on the crazy economy, but it's likely that your fiscal woes have more to do with your past than present. "We learn ways of handling money from our parents," says Rick Kahler, a certified financial planner in Rapid City, South Dakota. "But we rarely are aware of or question these internalized 'money scripts,' even when acting on them has costly consequences." Kahler and Dave Jetson, a therapist who also practices in Rapid City, helped three women with serious budget issues rewrite their scripts. Use their advice to make more conscious decisions with your cash and forge a more prosperous future.

The money script: "It's important to make financial sacrifices for my loved ones."

—Melissa Fox, 30, married, Web editor, New Haven, Connecticut"My parents refused luxuries so they could pay for my college," Fox explains. "That's a way they expressed love." Nowadays Fox is sacrificing for her own family: Before she had her son in July, she worked two jobs to pay the household bills while her husband attends grad school; while on maternity leave, she has been taking on freelance assignments. "I'm resentful that I feel like I'm the only one contributing," Fox says.

How to revise it "Part of Melissa's resentment stems from her belief that the main way to show love is by making economic sacrifices," Kahler says. "Both she and her husband need to identify other ways each partner expresses affection." Kahler also advises Fox to be honest with her husband about her frustration and discuss the possibility of his working part-time: "Asking him to pitch in will ease some pressure and make things feel more equal."

Did it work? "After I broached the topic with my husband, he agreed to try to finish his program faster so he can start contributing," Fox says. "Talking about it was a relief."

The money script: "I don't deserve what I earn."

—Dannie Julian, 40, single, marketing executive, Knoxville, Tennessee"I blamed myself when my mom and stepdad split up because they argued over how to raise me," Julian says. Julian felt so guilty after they separated that she rarely shared news of good things in her life with her mother, who, she sensed, was lonely on her own. "I felt unworthy of recognition," she admits. As an adult, Julian also feels she doesn't deserve her salary ($80,000). And she hasn't saved for retirement because she constantly gives to charity—up to $1,000 per month! "On some level, I think that if I'm generous now, someone will in turn take care of me one day," she says.

How to revise it When Julian gets the urge to donate, she should stop and write down her feelings at that moment. "She may find that she is motivated not by generosity but by guilt, and identifying the source of her impulse is the first step toward curbing it," Jetson says. After figuring out how much she needs to put away to retire comfortably (BankRate.com has helpful calculators), Julian can reassess how much she can realistically donate.

Did it work? Now Julian has a more measured attitude about giving. "I take the time to ensure that I'm financially secure before extending my hand to help others," she says.

The money script: "If I pay all my bills on time, I won't have enough left to enjoy life."

—Heather Romaine, 31, single, general wholesale manager, Oakland, California"My parents worked nonstop, yet they still weren't able to earn enough to have a nice life," Romaine recalls. "I started to think, Why bother?" Her disillusionment has led her to sell herself short: She has repeatedly taken uninspiring, low-paying jobs. Worse, between school loans and credit cards, Romaine is $80,000 in debt. "I spend more than I have so I can do some of the fun things that my parents missed out on," she explains.

How to revise it To assuage her hopelessness—and inspire her to seek a bigger salary—Romaine should find examples of people she knows who are financially savvy and lead a full, satisfying life, Kahler advises. Once she has incentive, she needs to look for a more lucrative job that taps her talents. To begin paying down her debt, Romaine should investigate the government's student-loan-repayment programs (StudentAid.ed.gov) and talk to her creditors to discuss a more manageable payment plan.

Did it work? Romaine has since taken a managerial position for $40,000, nearly twice what she earned at her last gig. "I realized I was underemployed and would never get out of debt unless I took some action."