CAROLINE T. ULUGIA

Friday, January 27, 2012

Confession: Recently I've been obsessed with CW's Gossip Girl..I never thought I'd love a show like Gossip Girl. I pre-judged the rich spoiled kids...What could they complain about? They lead rich lives. Gossip Girl is family, scandal, characters who scheme, lie, and blackmail. Secrets are sourced from a blogger herself: Gossip Girl! Ha. The writers know just how to end an episode for viewers wanting more. You bet your pants, I did too. I've watched 4 seasons and the 5th season is the most current. The 100th episode airs next Monday and I can't wait!

My favorite characters Blair and Chuck have the cutest love story...I don't want to ruin the show by telling the plot but if you ever get a chance, check it out. I've laughed, cried, gasped and awww'ed with them. Have you ever felt like you've grown with characters from a book or in my case a TV show. One day after watching an episode an inside voice said, "Why are you wasting your time? This isn't real. This is how TV sucks you in". While I believe the notion, TV IS NOT A REALITY, I also think HOPE FLOATS...Who says I can't have my own fairytale ending? Okay maybe that's a little far fetched but a girl can wish for the best. In a world of hard times, greed, struggle and strife.What keeps you motivated?I thought about this and of course I listed a few of my personal motivators:

1. Myself: I am my biggest competitor. When I accomplish a goal, the feeling gives dignity. The sky isn't the limit anymore, hell, I wanna paint that shit..Check a task off and set higher goals.Surprise yourself, you don't owe the world anything but your best.

2. Music: While I love engaging in my own thoughts, I listen to music and feel the pleasure of another emotion taking me away. Music has that effect. Throughout the day when I need that extra uuumph I turn on my ipod and zone out. Music motivates when I'm exercising too. It's almost like your rockin' to your own beat...but not. Lol.

3. My Family: My support system, my fallback and hardest critics. Can't live with em, can't live without em. They push me to my limit and sometimes I wana tell them where to go but it goes to show how much I value their opinion.

4. Numbers: We live in a world obsessed with numbers and yessI've fallen into the madness. I'm money motivated, and competitive. Numbers from test scores to how much weight I've lost or gained keeps the game going.

5. 'In God We Trust' is more than religion. The faith I have for Heavenly Father gives me strength. I've witnessed personal revelation and the feeling was indescribable:the moment was right, my heart was happy, and I felt complete. If I could give every person in the world the feeling, I would.

How did television not being a reality turn into a motivational post? My thoughts have caught up faster then I could keep up.Thanks for listening to my reality, love buggs.

Sunday, January 22, 2012

My title post: Adapt or Die is a little dramatic I must admit but like the traditional wedding vows read, "for better or for worse". I believe life masters the flaws we allow or the wondering....I hate wondering. Take that leap of faith or never live to know.

My brother once told me, " He was proud of me for taking a stand and making a decision with my heart". He doesn't know this but I will always remember the impact I felt when he expressed his support. He doesn't realize how much hope he instilled that day for me to move on. Despite his overbearing big brother ways from our childhood I couldn't have asked for a older, wiser sibling. I've come again to another obstacle in my life where I have to decide what is best for my future. Decisions! Decisions! Decisions! Ugh. I wish I could say, I'm the type of person who makes choices in a minute but sadly I'm not. I'm also known for deciding with my mind rather than my heart. A few of my friends are Heart Deciders and I wish I could have that mentality.I mean when it comes to matters of the heart, it's not easy.

Welllllllll, the time came because I wasn't happy either. I am halfway through receiving my degree and wanted to see what opportunities are available in the working world related to my major: Humanities. Deciding was the biggest challenge!! Weighing the pros and cons, fear of the unknown and the ideas of attachment to what was, and will be plagued my mind. By deciding, I made the choice to leave Discover Card. I am grateful to Discover for giving me the chance to work for them the past three years. I leave ready for a new chapter to unfold.

the Big-Guy and me

Its not a secret my parents have a huge influence over me, so I dreaded breaking the news to them. They value hard work and I've come to respect hard work through their example. I was afraid of them thinking I'm a quitter because I didn't want them to feel disappointed or judge me. Especially my mother, she believes the longer you work for a company the better. Of course I have a plan B which helped when I told them. Surprisingly, my father took it well but my Mom needed an extra push. Mothers can be quite controlling when they want..Lol. My choices affect those I love and surround myself with so its a big deal I receive support from those who mean the most.

Mama Dearest.

My point is adapting to change much less this adult lifestyle has taken some time. I imagine the ride is going to be full of ups and downs but when I follow my heart I find myself not having regrets. Even if it doesn't satisfy my parents. I needed to take a risk to determine what awaits for me. For now, I'm wingin' it, continuing school full-time and finding a career I love to work with. My parents came to America from Samoa hoping for better opportunities. They work to survive. They've struggled and held on to provide for my siblings and me. I am eternally grateful for them. Like Tupac lyrically stated, " Theres no way I can pay you back but the plan is to show you that I understand". I guess a part of learning to grow up is finding my own path.

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

One of my sisters, whom I'll choose to remain nameless, thinks I have the most disgusting taste in men. Rude right? Lol. Well that's how we roll-Brutal honesty is how we love;) Cathy, Christine, April and I were driving to dinner one night. I felt like I was getting attacked by them because our discussion on having the same taste in men were so different. Mind you, I have "my type". I have yet to find everything in a man with "my type". I'm not perfect and I don't expect the guy I meet to be either. I am realizing having a "type" limits my chances. Progress towards perfection as long as we're given another day to live, right? While I try to explain to my sisters, "There is just something about him" and "He's sexy with his scars...". They shake their heads, laugh and say "Ew". When my sisters act judgmental, it causes me to act ugly sometimes, lol. I'm getting angry by the minute trying to prove my point. Women are beautiful in their own ways and it makes sense we all have different tastes in men, too. My sisters and me exchange what we each like, love, hate, adore, find annoying and can't stand about the opposite sex. My mind refers back to this book I read awhile ago...Cracking the Love Code by Janet O'Neal. Her book is very insightful. I love reading books by authors who allow the reader to think freely. In her chapter on Chemistry she refers to 4 levels of Attraction:

Intellectual: "You are mentally intrigued and challenged by the other person"

Physical:"You think this has to be the most appealing person in the whole universe"

Spiritual: She didn't really go into this level of chemistry but I would assume this is where you feel connected in a whole different way, too.

When I see a beautiful man, my body reacts and I sit there stuck. Attraction can be a dangerous thing..Ha! I'm guilty of thinking when he opens his mouth, "What the hell?". I am baffled. BAFFLED the conversation is going nowhere. Have you ever talked with someone, who answers a question with a question? Shit, drives me crazy!!! I'm one to value a great conversation and appreciates the next person who can hold one. This attraction thing makes more sense to me as I meet men.Lesson is: Physical attraction can wear off, I need someone I can connect with. Where attraction leads to chemistry and ultimately turns into a commitment amongst other things like trying to change someone, that would be poisonous. Love is precious and basically comes down to a choice. I'm single and sometimes living single frustrates me because I haven't been alone in such a long time but I'm good. I figure, if I pray for Heavenly Father to send me a potential companion, whoever HE IS, is praying for the same thing and we cross paths: right time-perfect moment. A girl hopes...After all, patience is a virtue I definitely need to practice having.

Friday, January 6, 2012

I could really get use to blogging! Ha. My good friend Ova kept telling me to start a blog and I put it off because I couldn't find the time. Since I have the time now, I've been going blog crazyy! Lol. School will start up on Monday again so I can't promise more posts but I'll try. I just returned from driving my little sisters to school: April Conference and Tamara Mariah. They're such goofballs, in the car I was trying to get them excited about today being Friday. We were trying to come up with a "Friday" song in the car but they were like half awake, poor kids. I remember having to wake up in the wee morning to make school on time. As I was leaving their school, I saw a mother and her two daughters walking, bundled tight with their coats. I caught the Mothers eye for a second...I came to a stop sign and felt bad. I thought "Maybe, you should go back and pick them up?" But I kept driving because maybe she might think I'm some psycho or something! Then I came across this old man jogging, bless his heart, he was wearing shorts over thermals, a big blue sweater and his knee socks with this big band on his head.

While I kept driving, seeing those two particular people this morning humbled me. The fact that Utah weather is freezing cold and it's in the morning, I'm thankful for my health and luxury of having a vehicle. One of my goals this year is to consciously be aware of what I put in my mouth, learning to substitute something junk for something healthy and exercise more. If a old man can jog in the freezing cold I can do it too! Another one of my dear Aunty's is sick and I never realized how important health is. Some people don't have jobs and no health insurance. I know we are all granted certain circumstances to deal with but given 3 wishes from Genie, HealthCare for everyone would be one, for sure:) Growing older is opening my eyes to many things so for those who are struggling with their health, my heart goes out to you. Keep surviving!!!! I'm not the most healthiest person but I'll strive to acknowledge my health and what I need to do to better myself.

.... Back to the Mother and her daughters, I'm now beating up myself about not picking them up. Ugh!!! I let an excuse take over what I really wanted to do. Even if she thought I might've been psycho, at least I could have given her the opportunity to get a ride and not freeze with her daughters walking to school. Fear took over my actions. I've been fretting about that lately, how much power fear can be. On my phone for motivation, the headline is Love Over Fear. I hope to practice this more by what I do. I'd rather do the deed then feel like crap! Take it from experience, the feeling isn't great, folks. I could write about my could'ves, should'ves but lets not. That will feed some negative energy and I'm not about all that. Back to the purpose of my post...I'm thankful for the little things that remind me of how fortunate I am. I know Heavenly Father is watching from above and given the opportunity, every step I take is a test of myself. In my post before I mentioned I'm a Lister, well I'm also a big time Observer! Haha. Hence, the morning cruise. Below are a few of my my personal thank yous!!

I'm thankful for:

- My little sister April: She is like my #1 Fan!! Lol. My other sisters find it annoying but I can't help but smile and just love this little girl. She laughs at all my stupid sayings and jokes, ha. She adores me but I simply adore her. For a little one, she compromises things she wants to satisfy everyone around her. She is the youngest of the family and does everything for us. Like getting the remote from downstairs to plugging in my curling iron..I know I can be such a lazy sister. I'm thankful for my April Conference and all that she strives to be.

- The fact that it hasn't snowed...yet!!!!Utah weather is so freakin bi-polar, you just never know what your going to get! Literally some days we get all seasons in a day. Snow going to work, rain at work, sun when I leave work and fog in the evenings. Watch it snow now..Lol.

- Garbage Trucks: Thursday is our pick up day. I was watching the garbage workers the other day on the block. For them to smell all that trash, and then make sure it gets to the right place is beyond me. Someones gotta be the garbage worker and I'm thankful for garbage workers keeping our streets a little cleaner by collecting garbage bins.

-Employment: I'm not really happy with my job because its getting super tedious but I am thankful I have a job with great health benefits. Although its not my dream job but heyyy I need to survive. I'm grateful I have people I work with that are flexible with my school schedule too.

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

I'm big on ringin' in the New Year...Yayyyyy we made it:) Haha. 2o12 gives me a reason to decide on the big changes I need to make too. Babysteps turn into Bigsteps eventually! 2o11 played a huge wake up call for me. I learned alot about myself that I liked and didn't like, lol. I realized how important my existence on Earth can influence others in different ways, also. Deep down I knew in my heart changes had to be made but when your actually living the life you expect, a self-actualization hits. When I focus on the vision of what I want to be I stay motivated to keep going. 2o11 was a great year for my family. My brother and his wife had a new babygirl. Baby Hola looks just like my brother and I find it hilarious! Lol. She is the sweetest blessing we received this year plus my knucklehead nephew, in the photo below he's pretending like I'm not taking his pic, he can be such a faker! Haha. He will be starting school soon so I am super excited for him!! I love my lil neph and neicey. My sister Cathy left to attend Fashion school in L.A. Goooo FIDM!! My Aunt had a major but successful surgery. We have been truly blessed. Of course as a family we have our struggles with life but together we overcome:)

2o12 just started but I'm ready to tackle shit up! Ha! Goals have been set: long and short term ones. My mind is running like a mile a minute so I'm constantly writing down my every thought, idea or remembering something from my childhood that takes me back to one of those moments..And it's crazy how sometimes I repeat what my Mom and Aunties told me growing up to the little ones! I'm quite the Lister so I'm writing down what I need to do, what I need to buy, where I need to go, homework. I recently deactivated Facebook too, I don't have time to social network much less keep in touch with my friends. Yes, time management is on my lists of improvement!

2011 was a hard year with school, work, homework, and family. My faith was definitely tested and turning to my Heavenly Father humbled me. Trying to find balance was the key to juggling alot! Ha. I'm happy to say I am halfway to graduating! So now that I know I can do it, it's time to focus on other aspects of my life. Financially, socially, physically, spiritually and maintain my grind with work and school. I believe every person is created to do something in this world! I don't know exactly what I want to become, I have an idea and that idea could change but in the meanwhile, the wheels need to roll all the time. God makes no mistakes and everything happens for a reason! Own your happiness! That's my motto for 2o12. I have an actual journal, sorry but blogging doesn't really count to me, haha!! Anyway I was looking back on past entries and couldn't help but laugh out loud at the things I wrote and the entries I remembered exactly how I felt at that moment. Just wanted to share that little thought too..Lol. Soooo heres to the best and worst of 2o11 and the new beginnings of 2o12!!!! Geddd it!!!!

Monday, January 2, 2012

So my sister Cathy is visiting for the holidays and showed me this youtube of Michelle Money ( the girl on the Bachelor??) using a curling hair wand! It's a curling iron without the clip part...I'm in love with my hair so any chance to try a new style, I'm game! You might be wondering well that's dumb why don't you just use a regular curling iron? Haha. Don't fret I thought the same thing but the real reason is it gives me an excuse to try something new. Feelin guilty but not so much. Lol. We all need to spoil ourselves once in awhile and I consider hair products splurging!

Especially if it enhances my beauty because who doesn't like enhancing themselves?? Haha. Anyway I already know where to buy this hair wand!! Good ol' Target. The Remington Brand. And its PINK with a GLOVE so you don't burn your wanding fingers I guess? lol. I can't wait to try it and see how my hair reacts. The last time I was this excited about doing my hair was who-knows-when so I'll post pics soon:)