Monday, February 23, 2015

It's only 10:00am. And it just keeps getting messier. All I want to do is clean the house, because it's dirty and messy.

Before 8:30, Lilly had two melt downs because she is not a baby any more. She is closer to 2 yrs old than 1yr old. I think one was because she was hungry? I'm not sure. I was offering her all the food she likes, including a donut piece. There was no making her happy or getting her off the floor. Then 20 min later she had a melt down because I kicked her out of the bathroom. Because the toilet was overflowing everywhere and she wanted to walk in it.

And it's -15 degrees out.

She's dirty too because she's terrified of sitting in the bath. Terrified. Will not sit down. Will not bath. We think because she poops in the tub a lot and it scares her. She is afraid of pooping in the tub so she won't take a bath.

So this morning I showed her where the poop goes, with example. Just a normal one. Not a giant freaky toilet plugging one. She flushed the toilet herself and it worked, for the first time. So, she just held the handle down for a long time and the toilet drained very very slowly. So we had to wait to flush it again. Which caused her to cry. Then we flushed it again and it sorta went down slowly and was gone. No big deal. So I got out the plunger to be safe, only it's a stupid plunger that won't get a suction formed. It came with the house, fyi. I flushed it again, because that's my personal fault. I can't stop flushing, even when I should. And it wouldn't go down! It overflowed...luckly just clean water, because as I said, the toilet was empty. This was not a repeat of the incident when I failed to flush the kitty litter down right and kitty litter poop overflowed. Thank goodness.

Now why won't the toilet flush? Was it because Lilly held the handle down too long? Is it because it did just plug it up? Is it because it's -15 out and there is ice/clog somewhere in the line? Is it because the line is just plain clogged? The other day the shower didn't drain fast and that is not normal. Normally it drains fast and normal like. I know because it's the first place I've lived where it does that. I know because I cut my hair short to prevent a slow bathtub drain. I know because we have a hair trap too. But for no reason I can discern, the tub drained slow. And a few weeks ago the basement drain was backing up when the washer drained out too. So, now I'm afraid to shower/wash laundry/flush the toilet.

Good good. This helps with the whole cleaning the house thing. Not.

Then, while I was doing the dishes, I thought Lilly was being a good girl. I should have known better. She found a green permanent marker I had left on the table and colored her face and the table.
Good, more to clean. Luckly, she didn't open the hand lotion she was shaking up when I did find her.

Two weeks ago, I went in to our insurance agent, State Farm with Betty Mousal, and I had to talk to Betty herself. I was nervous because I got the feeling from all her employees that people try not to talk to her. But, our renters insurance does not cover flooding and I want flood insurance b/c of backing up drains! So, the only way to get that I was told was through getting actual flood insurance. Only the only person who can talk to me about that is Betty. So I made the appointment. I went in, and she judged me! She gave me a dirty look b/c I was trying to get flood insurance for a problem that I know is there. I should, apparently, have it fixed...not try to get insurance. And flood insurance does not cover backed up drains, the flood has to come from three sources. That was the first 5 minutes. Then she spent the next 45 min ignoring my polite declines for life insurance and gave me the hard sell on it. I DON"T WANT LIFE INSURANCE AND I DON"T WANT TO LISTEN TO YOU TRY TO SELL IT TO ME BASED SOLELY ON THE ONE FACT THAT I AM A STAY AT HOME MOM! Especially since Josh has it through his work. She tried to play off her percieved notion that I'm super worried about what will happen to me or my family if Josh or I were to die. I'm not worried. I'll figure it out. Also, I do not need 350,000$ of coverage, which is what she was trying to sell me. And everytime I would say no thanks, she would just stair at me for a while and then try a new tactic. I'm pissed. I have no control of my sewer lines....I'm renting! Isn't that what renter's insurance is for? Next, I didn't have time to go to walmart with my family after that because she wasted it all. I am taking my business elsewhere. That's how much she pissed me off.

And I'm not covered for flood insurance and my house is slowly flooding.

Thursday, February 19, 2015

I love my town. I love it because it is small. I love it because they value local commerce. I love it because I can do all of my errands and remain on one road. I love it because I can build a relationship with each person I see on my errands.

Currently I am working (still) on getting to know the baggers at Bill's Shop and Save. I found this great book/directory at my State Farm Insurance that lists demographics of Fremont and all there is to do here and such. Bill's is the 12th largest employer. Gerbers is the largest. I had wondered about that because so many people work at Bill's as a regular job, not just as a summer job or an in-between job. People stay there! One of my favorite baggers, Nate, says that he is working 3 jobs and going ot school to become a Neuro Scientist. Isn't that amazing!? He said he missed the normal starting time for college...like he didn't go right away after high school. But I think he only missed it by 2 or 3 years. He's still so young.

I go to Bill's during their off-times when it is empty. Lilly likes to push the cart around. When I pick out the meat, I tell her to stand by the cart because I don't want her playing with the raw meat packages. (Derpa derpa). Last time, she got mad (she was previously PISSED because I would not give in to her demands for donuts...my sweet girl), and pushed the cart away from me. She pushed it the rest of the way across the store. The meat man and other shoppers laughed and thought it was so cute. And it was. Everyone loves Lilly at Bill's. She loves to go there.

So enough gushing about the grocery store. (Guess where I get to go today too!?)

I also love our weekly newspaper for the county. It's more of a place to advertise events that are going to happen, discuss what the students in the schools are doing, and a place for the community to brag about their accomplishments. There's a section where if you travel somewhere and take a picture of you with the Times Indicator on your travels, they'll post it in the paper. Then there's all the births, divorces, arrests and court appearances, who made the honor lists in college, graduating college, birthday and anniversary milestones, and so on. Lilly's already been in the paper once.

There is a big controversy going on in the editorials for the past month. One guy, I guess, I missed this letter, said that if we are a good community and decent and the Christians that we say we are, we would not allow Fifty Shades of Grey to come to our theater and wouldn't allow anyone to see it. There have been two responses in the last two weeks that are well written, not offensive, and discuss the Constitution, Freedom of Speech and trusting our forefathers and the government....all while saying that they themselves will not be seeing the movie and hope that their grown daughters don't see it either. I am so proud that our community loves the Constitution and sticks up for it and other's rights to choose what they want.

On a different note, I saw a speaker yesterday, who's husband is a judge for the county, who rights children's stories to bring them closer to Christ, etc. She travels the world and gives talks. This sentence came out:

"There are demons out there and especially in those foreign places."

She seemed to believe that the foreign places are more dangerous and less Christian and more demonic, and I truly think she meant actual demons, than the USA. Demons aside, that is not true. There are places that are just as terrible here as there are anywhere else, and there are places in foreign countries that are just as "good" as here. I'm a terrible mission worker. I'd rather fight for the poor and the "demonic" in the USA, my home, than giving my time and money away to other countries. aka those damn foreigners. *sarcasm*

She used the word "foreign" more than once, and I thought it was just a poor choice of words. Which is odd, this woman is GOOD at public speaking. She ooooozes charisma and the ability to make people feel, deep down feel, what she is saying. THat's why she's so good at converting people to Christ. You know she thinks about each word she uses and picks it for a reason. So why choose Foreign? I think there is a prejudice there. She's setting us up to be us vs. them. Americans vs those savage demonic foreigners.

The best I can do as to why she is doing this is because she mentioned that she was assaulted on one of her trips. Assaulted. That's a vague word. Physically? Mentally? Sexually? It says that something bad happened but does not say what. But if it was that bad, she is possibly harboring some residual anger and issues towards those outsiders that hurt her. And I pray for her that she can heal and let go of that anger. By using such a word as foreigner, she is passively and subtly making them the bad guy and telling everyone that they hurt her and she's pissed, but she's not actually saying anything that can prove that this.

You know what bothers me the most about all of this conversation. The casual way we discuss and praise converting people to Christ. Ugh. Can't we bring them Christ and then let him do the rest of the work? Isn't that what faith is? Did I mention I'm a terrible missionary.

Saturday, February 14, 2015

Today is a snow day. Normally, I like the excuse to bunker down and watch tv and not work (just because I don't go to school doesn't mean I don't get snow days off! And same goes for it being Saturday). Today though, is also Valentine's Day and Josh is working. Lilly and I had plans to go to the library and do Valentine's Day crafts. V.Day crafts are my favorite! All the pink and white and the hearts! You get to make cute things to give to those you love. Even though we live walking distance from the library, the car is under 6 inches of snow, the streets are slippery, and it's getting to be under 10 degrees. I'm not shoveling that. I'm not bringing Lilly out in that. And it's a bummer.

The good news? Lilly has been coloring non-stop on pink paper to make Valentine's Day cards with and I have lots of decorative hearts and pink and white paper. Today we will make cards and prepare to mail them out.

Her new tv show she asks to watch is The Magic School Bus! She loves vehicles of all types and calls them Cars. She asks to watch the Car show. (We don't actually watch the Disney Cars show though). I drew a school bus when we were coloring together and she totally figured out that it was the Magic School Bus. She pointed at the tv and laughed.

Now, I've been thinking lately, about many things. One is about how easy it is to portray your life as good and better and perfect on the internets. That's why you shouldn't compare their life with the lives of others, because you are comparing all of your faults and bad days with the only the best of what you see of others. It's not really fair to yourself.

Well, I just know y'all think I live a charmed, wonderful, amazing, exciting life. And it's true, I do. But it is not perfect.

Here is a list of imperfections of my life (yet doesn't touch on any actual problems, because, Duh! this is the internet.)
1. There is a bag of dirty diapers buried by the current blizzard outside my back door. I never got around to bringing it the rest of the way to the dumpster.
2. A few hours ago, I added a bag of kitchen garbage to the growing pile.
3. There are overly old leftovers in my fridge.
4. I do not own enough chairs to invite people over for dinner, and if I did, where would I put them?
5. I am out of clothes to put on. But they are all clean. I wash clothes great. I do not fold them. All of our clothes are piled up on a table in the basement, and it's too cold to get them.
6. I made poison stink cheese in a sippy cup by leaving it filled with milk hidden on the floor for more than a day.
7. We have not completely unpacked nor brought every box over to our house from my parents yet. But, in my defense, winter is here and it's hard to move stuff in a truck in the winter. Again with that darn cold and snow excuse. Also, it's just books that we have left there. And the bookshelf. And my coffee table. We have too many coffee tables now. Three chairs and four coffee tables. Something is wrong with that.
8. I have three dinner tables too.
9. and one ottoman/foot stool. Side note: This opens up and has a secret storage box inside. We don't show lilly because it is filled with some of our games. This has led to her having the idea that the game Sequence Dice is hers because she's always around when I want to put it away, and I can't because she CANNOT see me open the footstool.
10. I have three filing cabinets now...and none are working well. One has a broken handle, one is out in the garage and cold, and the one I want to open just won't open! It's filled with rocks and geology books (I think) and it's heavy as hell and I think the move caused the rocks to jam up the drawer so it won't open. I want my geology books!! I need to recreate a scene from the Big Bang Theory for my brother.
11. I don't know where half of my stuff is. I only know where baby stuff is. I packed all my stuff up over a year ago, and didn't look at it for a year. Then I unpack it, go SHIZA I didn't know I owned this *Holds up a jiggly pig marde gras necklace* Then I put it into a pile to be repacked into a different box. I have a box of maternity clothes, a box of summer clothes, a box of work clothes (unopened from the move), a box of coats and MORE TOWELS in the garage that hasn't been washed from the move yet (moldy). And I want to make a box of dress up clothes and a box of clothes for Lilly/kids in the future.

So, I did not put the jiggly pig in a new box. I hung it up to admire it.

And my final imperfection that I'm actually embarrassed about:

12. Lilly is watching tv more than the allotted (by who I dont' know...probably THEY) two hours of screen time today. And she's not even two yet. THEY says kids shouldn't watch tv until they are two.

Friday, February 6, 2015

What a week! It was a very high anxiety week for me. I met, or really, re-met a lot of people from my past. Specifically teachers and the mother of my first real boyfriend. Awkward. But...funny enough, not the most awkward thing that happened.

I was at a Stay At Home Mom church community group meeting that I belong to and the speaker was a high school teacher of mine. And not just any one, but one whose husband, also a high school teacher, I spent a lot of time discussing, teasing, and thinking about with my friends. Sort of a set of inside jokes with my friends...since high school. I want to tell the story, but I don't want to gossip...so I'm going to change names. Mrs. Smith and Mr. Smith. She's talked to us about marriage and love and God. She was so passionate about what she was talking about, that I am giving her the benefit of the doubt and am truly trying to think about her message. It was hard because it was about submitting to your husband, the same way you submit to God. And she defined Submission in a way I have not thought about before. You are suppose to submit to God but he still gives you free will. And in the same way you place your faith in God, you are to place your faith in your husband. I think I like the message if the husband also has the same message, that he must submit to the wife and have faith in her like God. Only, that half of the message was not discussed. I think because I cannot change my husband, I can only change myself. And I agree with that totally. But...the way the message comes across, there is no way out for the woman if the husband does not respect her and beats her or cheats on her or something. The message did not mention respecting yourself and where that falls into the God/Husband/Wife triangle. I took away that you submit to God first, and your husband does too, then you submit to your husband, and doing all that and praying a lot brings all three of you closer together. BUT where does respecting yourself fall in? I think God would want me to respect him first, then me, then my husband. And by respecting myself, I act with respect towards my husband.

Anyways, that was her point, and she was very good at discussing it and was enjoying the topic with a passion. In the same way I enjoy discussing rocks with a passion.

Then she got to the part about sex with your husband. And she says: "My husband, he likes sex. So what do I get him for his birthday? After a while, he can just buy what he needs, so I got him sex. I rented a hotel room for the weekend and bought a sexy outfit. I wrapped it up and sent it to him at his work (high school) and prayed that he didn't open it in class. He loved it! It's all he's been wanting for his birthday since."

MY EARS CANNOT UNHEAR THAT! It was the same feeling you get if you were to imagine your mom saying that. Bleh.

There's more to the story and backstory, but it's just gossip and not for the public thoughts.

I joined a book group of more experienced in life women about peace and nonviolence. I didn't know it, but they define violence differently. Violence is not just a physical act. It's rudeness, discrimination, words and feelings that make you feel bad about yourself. That is all violence. And the book and discussion studies how to deal with violence in your life and how to be a non violent person both personaly and in the view of helping the community. Basically, it's about behaving assertively and sticking up for your rights. I'm very excited to learn about this with a group of experienced women. Assertiveness is what I have been trying to learn since I became pregnant and it's what is most important to me that I teach Lilly and any future siblings.

That's where I met a lot of people I used to know? It was sort of like, Lindy This Is Your Life...like from Seseme Street. Only it's the life I moved away from and tried very hard to leave behind. Of course, I moved to Nashvegas, and found a very violent (in the new definition of the term) life that I hated. So, I guess I traded my horrible violent life for my old awkward one. I'd much rather have awkward than mean and horrible. Plus, I'm not the same person as I was. I am more in control of my life now and my responses to it (due to my assertiveness focus).

Disclaimer: My Nashvegas friends made life good and bearable while I was there. They taught me a lot about life, differences, and expanded my view in a good way on people and Christians.

There are different types of Christians out there....they are not all like the stereotypical ones in Freakmont. My work expanded my view on the government, companies, and professional life in such a cynical way, I don't know if I can ever work for a company or coorporation again. I would prefer to be my own boss, so I can enforce my own workplace rules. My view on how the government is cynical, but I do trust that when it comes down to the knitty gritty of government, they are doing the most mediocre job that they can, and that's better than purposely trying to screw us over.

The best gift was given to my family this week too!!!! I was outside after the snow storm weekend trying to shovel the driveway during Lilly's nap. I only had the strength to shovel the most important parts, the tall pile that the snow plow leaves behind at the entrance to the drive. It was so tiring! I spent the whole time wishing i was in a college town full of 20 yr olds with nothing better to do than be good samaritans and doing random acts of kindness. Then I could get one to shovel or plow my drive for free. Then when Josh got home, he said that some one had snow blown the whole thing!!!! It's amazing! They even did the walk up to the door and the path from the drive to the door!!! I think it was the neighbors b/c their driveway is cleared too. Isn't that just the nicest thing?

Now onto my geology thoughts. Josh says on his PS4 there is a game or item he can buy that uses Liquid Hot Lava. That, people, is redundant. The word lava implies that the rock is liquid hot. If it wasn't it would be a rock, not magma. If you wanted to get very technical, you could call it a Magmatic Mush. One of my favorite and most memorable times of grad school is when my research group and Calvin (The advisor) spent an hour defining magmatic mush and what it we are really saying when we use that term. Is it 50% crystals and 50% liquid? At what percentage of crystals in the liquid does the magma go from a liquid to a mush to a solid?

Oh, and in my mind, a magmatic mush sounds like crunchy snow. But when I asked about it, I was told it was more like oatmeal and probably wouldn't make a sound. I choose to ignore this and keep on imagining it making the best crunching noise you can imagine. Like, stepping on dried leaves or a nutty bar.