I just want to reiterate what everyone has said. I wasn't what I'd think of as cute kid, I was a little chubby (mom shopped for my clothes in the 'husky' dept.). For years afterward I ate too much so that I wouldn't be 'attractive' to 'those kind of people'. Now I know that I was just available and vulnerable; that it was not love or anything close to it; that it was abuse.

Take good care of yourself, Jarrad, it was never your fault!

Steve

_________________________
I want to stay as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all kinds of things you can't see from the center.Kurt Vonnegut (1922-2007)

I know of someone with some similar history of yours, who have feel that same way so much to consider even the plastic surgery. I think he will not do that, but I am sure he can understand what you say of it.

One of the men who abuse me, in public, he always yell at me, tell me I am stupid or worthless, or that I am of no talent and will not succeed at anything. But in private, he use to tell me I was a 'beautiful boy'. I hate that word, 'beautiful', if it is anywhere near directed at me (which usual now, it won't be). Now, I know that I am not some such great looking person, but my regret is that I still look more 'young' for my age. I do not want that, I do not like that. People tell me I will be happy to look younger when I am older, but for now, it still make me uncomfortable.

Just try to remember, Jarrad, that abuse is less about sex (and so, less about any kind of 'attraction') and more about power and 'dominating' another person. How you look, it way to make yourself feel more guilty of it, and none of that guilt is yours. We are all gifted with our faces and bodies, and can do certain things to them, but some characteristics of them will always be there. Your 'gift' do not make you a target, and it is nothing wrong to look any way.

I
agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and
chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole
discretion of MaleSurvivor. I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor
resources are AT-WILL,
and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for
any reason by MaleSurvivor.