Each age has its own beauty. For me, 28 always has something mysterious and beautiful about it. It is like the prime age, the mCheeriddle of late twenties, not too young to not know anything yet also not too old to be able to say “i’m older and wiser.”

I used to think when I reach 28, I would be this and that. Now I am right here, starting that age in my mind, feeling calm, peaceful and serene.

Life has been really good to me. When I see myself growing into a woman I am now, I appreciate every little thing that has happened in my life and every single person I have interacted with – be it a blessing or a lesson. Thank you for being a part of my weird little world.

People are all great. Some I have met and be friends with. Some I haven’t had a chance to. The greatest one ever will always be Mom. Thank you, Mom, for teaching me the love and lust for life; thank you for raising me up for the past 28 years, even when I act like a moron sometimes.

To 28 – you are in control of your own beauty – be it the glow of love and lust for life, the melancholy of a wandering soul of a traveler, the passion of hopes and dreams, the daring and adventurous spirit of exploring the world and being into the wild or the desire of finding someone you call “home”. Be it all the definition of beauty you can think of and be in control of it, all, with a thankful heart.

And just like Scarlett O’hara making her very own dress from the curtain when nothing else is left, I will stay faithful to the kind of beauty I am seeking for.

May my heart be brave, my mind fierce and my spirit free.

May it be pure and tender, be wise and youthful, and be wild and sparkling at the same time.

I have always loved lights, lanterns and fireworks. (This post is about fireworks, buddies, so, according to communication rules or whatever rules, it is in bold and underlined; also because it is the most magical and magnificent form of lights in science, to me only; which means I do not know science that much.) Aren’t all happy scenes in Disney movies garnished with fireworks and lanterns (this is just some I guess! But well, let’s just say all)? From Beauty and the Beast, Tangled to Mulan, and even The Little Mermaid, there are fireworks scenes, at least once.

I have always loved fireworks.

Since I was little (and even up to now, when I am away conquering the world and only back home for Lunar New Year), the rooftop of my parents’ house is my favorite spot. Little me with a heart filled of eagerness and expectation always look forward to the New Year Eve fireworks much more than anything else in the world. The urge of enjoying the show usually hurried me up with helping Mom to get the chores done for the long Tet celebration. I was just simply hoping that I could finish my tasks on time prior to the displays. It also rushed me to get myself ready so that I could see it at my best. And when the fireworks came, in those short-lived 5 minutes, I felt like I saw miracles. I felt like all the wishes of each human being in the world were illuminating the sky. Splendid. Marvelous.

Then fireworks at parents’ rooftop gradually moved on to friends’, then my rented apartment in another country. Wherever it is, I always enjoy it “like a 5 year old child.”

As a “ritual”, (as one of my “rituals” to be exact cos I love coming up with “rituals” out of nowhere and religiously follow it and believe that it is true), I usually “prepare” 3 wishes before the show so that when the moment comes, I can just focus on my wishes and stay in harmony with the universe – the whole beauty of fireworks lighting up the sky.

I have 2 bucket lists – the realistic one and the dreaming one. I put most of the “i-never-think-these-will-come-true-but-i-still-desperately-want-them” items on the second list. And “watching fireworks in Japan, wearing yukata, eating watermelon and holding a fan” is on the latter.

But! But I am here, in Tokyo, Japan, watching Adachi Fireworks Festival along Arakawa River, with a free paper fan in my hand! There was no watermelon. I didn’t wear yukata. But the experience was simply amazing and it left me speechless. I got lost in that moment, feeling like I was soaring up high together with all the colored flames and sparks. During that moment, I am a free spirit. As usual, I made three wishes this time. It was just me and the fireworks. And it was sparkling.

“Well, maybe I still have to walk seven thousand miles … and whatever comes will come soon” (Xandria – Eversleeping)

“When you open your eyes, when you gaze at the sky, when you look to the stars as they shut down the night, you feel this story ain’t over.When life is not words and tongue is not answers and we only can’t see a reason, why would it mean that it’s not meant to be.” (Avantasia – The Story Aint Over)

And then…there comes the serendipitous fireworks, those colorful flames and sparks. I changed my tickets… just to see them again and make wishes again.

Sunday woke me up early with mild sunshine dancing among the chaotic white state of bed sheet, pillows, blanket and a teddy bear; and a breeze sneaking through the window together with the undistinguished talks of early risers at the train station.

Then Sunday went on to play Yann Tiersen and Charlotte Gainsbourg on the long abandoned playlist while I was having a quick bite for breakfast.

Sunday brought me to the dizzy Hamamatsu-cho station quietly and serenely. The ride pretty much made me feel I’m a stronger and more independent person, calmer in the turbulence thanks to the news I got on Thursday night and know myself a bit more. Several lines from In the Station of the Metro – Ezra Pound ran through my head with a background of Kodaline playing High Hopes and The One. People, trees, buildings, landscapes, flowers, everything passed by as the train moved on. Calmness and peace creeps into my soul. And there was a strangeness in my mind.

Instead of getting off at the usual Ebisu station to get to Daikanyama T-site, I picked another route (frankly speaking, I was just lazy to walk so I chose the longer way to avoid walking for 6 more minutes and took it as an excuse that I was getting out of my comfort zone). Anyways, Daikanyama station is a village-like, small and cozy station. I love this area thanks to its calm, peaceful and relaxed atmosphere garnishing with a Frenchy touch of boutiques and boulangeries.

I spent the whole day at Tsutaya bookstore (one of the most 20 beautiful bookstore in the world according to Flavorwire) and my heart was still there. Of all the places I have been to in Tokyo, T-site had me at the Library in the Woods theme, the design, range of books and the ambiance. I love the state of being here – it is so comfortable and relaxing being surrounded by books and nature. Reading is enjoyable at T-site, and that’s all I need, for now.

Sunday brought me the discovery of “Essays in Idleness” (Tsurezuregusa) and several other pieces of Japanese literature. Sunday sat me down to read Marina Abramovic – a performance artist with her strange taste in arts. Sunday flipped me through pages of B-Brand – the issue for Aesop and Pantone.

I keep thinking about conversations on the train…

Tsutaya does not stop at being a bookstore to me; it is a memory.

I might not figure out what I want yet; but I do know for sure what I don’t.

I have always wanted to put my thoughts down on paper since I moved to Tokyo 2 weeks ago to free up some space in my mind, de-clutter my heart and purify my soul, but thoughts were flying around, ideas got stuck and words became numbness.

Tokyo is a soulful city. Most thing gets boring after the second time cos after all, those are just places, until you get to feel the heart of it, but Tokyo is a soulful, sensational and sentimental city.

Because it is, my heart aches and excites at the same time the moment I feel the breeze in my hair, catch the sight of flowers along the road and see sunshine dancing through the leaves.

Because it is, I feel peaceful and lonely at the train stations, at the crossroads where waves of people passing by, where I can hear the thunder of feet marching up and down the platforms.

Because it is, despite the fact that my heart is heavy whenever I wake up in the morning, despite the fact that I am running away from something I do not know, something so vague (or maybe because it’s just not right), something I do not really understand (well, maybe it’s better not to know) and seeking for something to materialize, I realize that the world out there is too beautiful to be ignored, that adventures await, that possibilities are to be explored and serendipity is bound to happen.

So, thank you, Tokyo, for being a soulful city, for being rich in culture, arts and design and for helping me to know more about myself.

“For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” (Jeremiah 29:11)

Thank you for 1 year, 1 month and 28 days (just a few more days to go).

Thank you for the journey and the memories.

Thank you for all the great people I’ve ever met, some are blessings and some are lessons, some stay, some leave their marks and some fade away.

Thank you for all the help, kindness and support.

Thank you for the laughs and tears.

Thank you for showing me that I can and always will be independent and stronger than I thought I could. Thank you for growing me into a better me (I believe!)

Thank you for the roller coasters and all serendipity that I ever came across.

Thank you for strengthening all the values that I hold dear to my heart. I might get lost sometimes and did not know where the compass showed. I might screw everything up and up everything screwed and cry my heart out. I might make a lot of mistakes – good ones and bad ones, old ones and new ones. I might lose my passion and dignity for life; but at the end of the day, maybe only kindness matters and resilience counts.

Thank you for the joy and pleasure, for the quarrels and makeups.

Thank you for enlightening me about what I want and what really matters. I hope I can learn this lesson better this time and score a better mark.

If I need to leave my heart wherever I go, I bet I do not have much left. So maybe I will be a little bit selfish here. Maybe instead of leaving a piece of my heart in Malaysia, I will bring a bit of Malaysia with me, along the way 🙂 (and I hope nobody minds that ^.^)