Breaking the intimacy traditions

The traditional meaning of fetishism is slowly taking a different turn. We sample some of the unusual ones

Wambui Virginia @kuivirgie

French psychologist Alfred Binet was the first to talk about ‘sexual fetishism’. He used the term to describe people who were excited by inanimate objects. But today it’s used to describe any kind of sexual arousal because of ‘these objects’ that don’t have much to do with ‘normal’ sexual behaviour.

Sexual fetishism behaviour are a taboo but most people are curious about them. The definition of a sexual fetish is the need for an object, or body part to achieve some sort of sexual gratification. Sexual kink is much more common among men.

Men tend to fantasise more than women, as they are more of visual beings. When it comes to sexual fantasies, it’s more of pushing the boundaries a bit by imagining situations that occur infrequently. These discussions more often than not, will not tickle the woman, especially a reserved one. Once a man realises that they tend to withhold their thoughts.

Though there are women who also have fetish and fantasies, majority of them think of it as perversion. Donald, a 26-year-old bachelor says almost all men have something they fantasise about and want to try out. “It’s important to discuss these desires with your partner, so that it doesn’t come as a surprise to them,” he said.

Most people are embarrassed about their fetish, and have little or no communication between them and their partners. There are different types of fetishes with some being weird and bizarre. However, some of the most common though unusual sexual practices or fetishes these days are:

Spanking

Spanking or rather erotic spanking is an act used to derive sexual arousal or gratification of either or both parties. It is also seen as a form of submission and domination with the partner giving the spankings being in control.

Cross-dressing

This is wearing clothes or accessories of the opposite sex. The ‘release’ comes from the idea of wearing something that is not allowed. By simply enjoying something not usually available to them in the society gives the parties some enjoyment. The most common is a man wearing the woman’s innerwear, wigs, brassiere and necklaces, among others.

Use of certain lipsticks or nail polish

Nail polish and lipstick is one of the common and obvious fetishes. It involves watching a woman put on lipstick of a certain colour commonly red, pink, or dark purple. This kind of fetish is also associated with attraction towards certain nail polish colours.

Role-play

This involves individuals acting out different roles. It involves costumes depicting a particular character. It could be a movie or occupation such as policeman or maid. It involves one partner acting out while the other spectates.

These fetishes may also involve some kind of enhancement, like a person being asked to wear a certain piece of clothing, for example, fishnet stockings or a leather outfit. These people (usually male) are often unable to perform any sexual act without the fetish object present.

Arousal from particular sounds, talk or language

This is where individuals derive sexual arousal from auditory stimuli. These men gravitate towards a visual language, especially foreign and explicit talk. In general, men tend to be more direct and explicit parroting the dialogue, while women tend to be more emotional with their talk.

Men who have this ‘kink’ seek a reward during the ‘deed’. Beverly Munga, founder and director of G spot Kenya, an online shop for adult toys, says that most clients call in with different needs. “The demand for fetish kits such as bondage kits and whips is also high, both from couples and single.

We accommodate and meet all their needs.” Munga also says that although most of her clients are women, men are also catching up. She also offers advice and gives guide to her beginner clients or who may have an unspoken ‘kink’ and don’t know how to go about it.