13/06/2012

In North Manchester, fire crews were called to a hospital to cut off a sex aid after a pensioner had battled for 36 hours to remove it.

I know what you're thinking, "Why didn't he just pull it off?" Well, sometimes it's more fun to do it with a partner. Oh, I see what you meant.

Apparently he had a ring type sex aid on his genital, which no doubt had a perfect good excuse behind it, like he was hanging up the curtains naked, slipped, and then decided to **** his wife.

I find it surprising that a pensioner uses a sex aid. They never mention that in the Post Office queue; it's all war this, war that. Not once do that tell you the Ann Summers stories.

The poor chap had got it stuck and tried for a day and a half to get it off. I bet he tried all the obvious things, soap, butter, washing up liquid, olive oil. If it wasn't for the panic that would've been the most fun 36 hours of his life.

The doctors couldn't help so they called the fire crews who turned up with a precision cutting tool. Plans were made to use a four-inch angle grinder to remove the ring-shaped object, but eventually an air cut-off tool was selected. The OAP said, "No, you'd need at least the six-inch angle grinder," before they explained that's not how it works.

The delicate procedure took place in the operating theatre and is understood to have taken more than an hour.

If you were one of the fireman wouldn't you be tempted to dress as a Mohel and say loudly as you walk in, "Oy vey! For this bris, we should charge extra."