Not sure what to give your crazy uncle this holiday season? Fret no more: Fearless patriot Glenn Beck has come to your rescue. While James Van Der Beek’s BJ-emblazoned “Beek Jeans” were a joke, Beck’s own denim line is very real – and every pair of pants comes imbued with its maker’s signature arch-conservative message.

As Timeexplains, Beck was inspired after seeing a Levi’s ad that coupled images of young protesters with a voiceover culled from a Charles Bukowski poem. He excoriated the denim company on his radio show in late September, saying that it was promoting a “European socialist” message – “Just for what? Because you just want to sell, because you want the controversy? I don’t think so. You believe it. You say you want your jeans to be the uniform of progress.”

Beck vowed never again to give a “dime” to Levi’s, a company founded by the American immigrant who invented blue jeans – and this week began selling his own patriotic jeans, which are made in North Carolina and Kentucky.

The $129.99 pants feature all-American details like buttons emblazoned with an Indian chief and a “vintage-inspired Western fit” perfect for cowboys and office drones alike. They’re being sold through Beck’s 1791 Supply & Co. clothing line, which is named for the year that the Bill of Rights was added to the Constitution.

This would be absurd enough even without an ad depicting a rugged, 1791 jean-wearing man welding a homemade rocket ship on what appears to be the Alaskan tundra. But luckily, that video also exists: