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I was going to get up real early, eat an awesome breakfast, put on a face mask and paint my nails, and then casually wander over to the hair salon to get my hair did. Since I always attempt to do something awesome to my hair and I always fail miserably, I was pretty sure this fail-proof plan would ensure that I would be absolutely ravishing for the wedding I am to attend in 3 hours.

I did actually wake up at 7, but I didn’t have breakfast. I just decided to move from the couch to the bed. How I ended up on the couch, I don’t really remember. It was a wild night.

When I woke again, it was 11:00am. I suddenly realized that I had not purchased a wedding gift, made a hair appointment, shaved my legs, eaten breakfast, or written a blog post. I have 3 hours to make all of these things happen, and there is some sort of Orthodox Jew parade right outside my apartment that’s blocking access to anything in the world until noon. I’ve lived in the thick of the Jewish community in my city for two years now and I’ve yet to see a parade. Naturally, they would start today.

So I’m down to two hours. Two hours I will have to accomplish all of these things.

I’m going to have to forgo the hair appointment. And perhaps shaving my legs. Nothing’s worse than sitting through a long wedding ceremony with pantyhose creeping up my bum. No, I’m going to have to shave the legs. Definitely.

So maybe no breakfast and no hair appointment. That should give me enough time to shave. I’ll throw on some really awesome face paint so that everyone is distracted from my terrible hair.

I keep thinking about how weddings are supposed to be so romantic and that Dave will look over to me during the ceremony and imagine something in the foreseeable future. But then I think about how I should have gotten up at 7 today and made that happen for myself. Because when he looks over to me, he’s going to get an eye full of this: