The ongoing investigation of Sherlock Holmes, reported from the Peoria, Illinois outpost of Baker Street's dirtiest half a dozen.

Thursday, May 1, 2014

Thursday night sleepy time.

"They took his partner. But will they take his sanity?" said the CBS promo announcer, halfway through Bad Teacher. "A new Elementary is next."

The thought of an episode of Elementary without Lucy Liu was surprisingly unthinkable. She had been my lifeline for the little positive perspective on the show I had been able to drum up. And in order for her to take a turn in the director's chair this week, I was worried that they had to throw Joan Watson in a van and drive her off-camera to give her alter ego time to work. Luckily, that quickly turned out to be wrong.

"I knew you were an idiot!" Mr. Elementary screamed at Brother Elementary, and it quickly turns out that he is correct. This fellow under the name "Mycroft" not only doesn't run large chunks of the British government, he can't run a profitable restaurant without support from bad people. Boy, do I hate this show.

I mean, why have source material? Why do a show with a character called "Sherlock Holmes?" Yes, I know, my same old song, but remember how I was just writing how cool Mycroft is, earlier this week? Yup, Mycroft is cool. Not the guy with that name slapped on him on this show.

As the two brothers use their father's massive wealth to trick their way into a bank, then badger the banker by bringing up his manic depression (which is not only mean, it's nonsensical), it just goes from bad to worse. On the other side of the kidnapping, Dr. Watson actually, after almost two seasons, gets to be a doctor and work on a criminal's gunshot wound. Of course, doctors have always been easier to write than detectives. Especially a detective named Sherlock Holmes.

Some cell phone stomping, a little staring at a video game screen, some threats against the worthless brother, and on the episode goes . . . actually reverting back to its first season's level of lame. Mr. Elementary is mean and snippy, the case is dull, and there seems little point to Brother Elementary even being present. Ghost Alistair might have added a little more interest. But I guess I did need to relax tonight, or else I might have gone to the opening night of The Amazing Spiderman 2. Uh-oh, the wife on the commercial for Jared jewelers is displaying Elementary-level deductive powers. Maybe she can find Joan Watson.

I mean, Mr. Elementary doesn't seem to be looking, only doing what her kidnappers tell him to do. I miss Gareth Lestrade . . . he remains the best character ever to wander on to this show.

Bored, bored, bored . . . or look, fly forensics. TV detective 101. Hey, they tasered a guy! A shocking twist! And torture. Mr. Elementary does torture. So much for him being the smart one.

Really thought the end of the season was ramping up to something with Mycroft showing up, but outside of whatever twist they're going to bring at the end, this episode didn't really ramp it up much. Watson and her kidnappers seemed to be getting along pretty well . . . oops, called that wrong.

I hope the NSA can straighten this mess out for Mr. Elementary. He seems to need somebody to get him out of this, unlike that Cumberbatch-resembling fellow on the other side of the pond.

Oh, puh-leeze . . . and now they pull out MI-6 assassins and pretend this homeless derelict of a restauranteur has something to do with the British government? Deus ex machina much?

"Hey, everybody! We're not a boring non-adaptation after all!" Yeah, good fiction is organic and when the surprise twist happens, you go, "Oooooooh, the clues were right in front of my eyes all along!" This isn't that. Which has been pretty consistent with this show.

After two seasons, even this show's crimes against Sherlockanity have become so commonplace they don't detract from the sleepiness it can bring on with an episode like this one.

Guess I was partly right - partly wrong. The kidnapping wasn't phony, but Mycroft is connected with a secretive organization - and the Watson romance was just so much bull. And he still, we assume, wants this ineffective Sherlock to work for him. Why, seeing as how easily this Sherlock gets duped?!