7 ways to ruin an only child

Nancy WatkinsCHICAGO TRIBUNE

Despite its title, "The Seven Common Sins of Parenting an Only Child" (Jossey-Bass/Wiley, $16.95) is anything but judgmental. Author Carolyn White, editor of Only Child magazine, has committed her share of "sins" as the mother of a singleton, but she maintains that the parent who knows what mistakes she might be making is a parent who is better able to avoid them.

White acknowledges the guilt many parents feel for stopping at one child, whatever their reasons. The trouble starts, she writes, when guilt propels parents to overindulge; overprotect; fail to discipline; overcompensate; seek perfection; treat their child like an adult; and/or overpraise.

We learn the impact of these mistakes, if uncorrected, through the words of only children; what not to do; and, most important, what to do. White draws clear distinctions between, say, demanding a child's best effort in school and expecting her to turn her softball skills into a free ride through college.

Her corrective approach notwithstanding, White never comes off as a scold. Rather, she shows sympathetically that these seven sins don't have to be deadly ones.

On overindulgence: "Kids need to experience longing so they can continue to dream."