My boyfriend died on Wednesday

He was hit by a car crossing the street on Monday. His family wouldn't let see him in the hospital. They are saying I can't come to the funeral either.

by Anonymous

reply 261

06/02/2015

Make a scene. Fuck 'em.

by Anonymous

reply 5

02/03/2012

I'm going to bite and assume you're telling the truth OP. If so, I'm really sorry to hear about this…

…and unfortunately, in most states, the answer is yes, they can stop you.

Some states now have laws about partners, but usually that partnership has to be documented in some way. If you hadn't been together that long or hadn't taken that step…it may work against you.

I know not seeing him to say goodbye is heartbreaking, and if you live in a conservative area it's unlikely you'll be supported in going to the funeral or even being allowed to remain there.

My suggestion is that as difficult as it may be, accept that you cannot change what they are doing and focus on honoring and saying good bye to him in your way. Gather friends for a memorial service. And take out an in memoriam ad in the newspaper. Create your own space to honor and grieve him.

by Anonymous

reply 7

02/03/2012

Just show up and dare them to make a scene. They probably won't.

by Anonymous

reply 8

02/03/2012

Stand up for yourself.

by Anonymous

reply 10

02/03/2012

I wasn't allowed to speak at my bf's funeral but I spent some time sharing wonderful anecdotes with his uncle, the mother's brother, who appeared to accept them with good grace. Then at the funeral, he didn't tell one story and said "no matter what sins he committed in his life," and then he paused to glare at me, "he is sure to be in heaven now." He was the local county judge. So I went up to him afterward and shook his hand, pulled him close and said angrily, "I'm sure you did the best you could given you are an illiterate redneck with the mental powers of a dead flashlight battery who apparently didn't take 5 whole minutes to think up your remarks." He said, "What I didn't hear that" hoping to shame me into not repeating loud in front of everyone. Which I did from five feet away, very loudly and slowly as if speaking to an idiot. His sister the Mom then disinvited me from coming over for after funeral food. I was ready to clock the fucker. I wish I'd thought of something better, wittier, and more appropriate to say, but I'm glad I said something, you'd better believe it. I'd still like to punch that bigoted fucker.

by Anonymous

reply 11

02/03/2012

My advice in a situation like this is to find a way to say goodbye on your own time. Get into some grief counseling because it isn't going to be easy. Unless there's a change of heart, stay away from his family because they've made it pretty obvious they would like to stay away from you.

by Anonymous

reply 12

02/03/2012

I wouldn't say that R9.

I think R7 has good advice. Who would you be going for? Yourself? Why put yourself though it?

Do something to honor him in the way that you know and love him, and leave them to their delusions. You will be healthier in the end for it.

Have a memorial for his "real" family, who honor and accepted him for who he was. Be sure to invite his relations in case someone who is caught in the middle wants to express their condolences.

My sister & I fought a losing battle to invite my father's girlfrind to his funeral. It was a terrible thing to exclude her so my mother could sit there as if she were still his wife. Ridiculous. I have since found notes to him she left at his grave. She should have been allowed to say goodbye, but I was outnumbered.

We're friends on Facebook. She knows she had allies in our family and some of us appreciated the love and friendship she gave my Dad.

by Anonymous

reply 13

02/03/2012

Thank you R7. I'm in Illinois, in the Chicago suburbs.

His dad is a real dick. If he could have found a way to blame this on me he would have. He threw him out of the house when he was 14 like he was trash and picked on him endlessly when he went to live at his granmothers house. Now that he's dead he's turned into father of the year.

we didn't have any legal thing together but we've been together since we were both 16. I'm 24 now.

Your right. Honoring him with our friends is probabky gonna be a better way.His brothers were cool with us but not his dad, and not his mother so much. but she wasn't a big part of his life. He has an aunt from the west coast that is way cool with us, and she's another family outcast and maybe she'll come. i don't know. my head is spinnning and my heart is so hurt. I want to drink our get high to make the feeling stop but we got straight 6 months ago and it would be dishonerable to Mike to do that I think. I dunno anymore. But, hey, thanks for listening

by Anonymous

reply 14

02/03/2012

I don't think ignorant bigots should be ALLOWED to pretend that gay love doesn't exist and that gay relationships aren't real.

It's WRONG to let them get away with this.

They need to be confronted at EVERY opportunity. Period. End of discussion.

by Anonymous

reply 15

02/03/2012

You're right, R13. Great point.

by Anonymous

reply 16

02/03/2012

So sad, but I do love a jersey knit!

by Anonymous

reply 20

02/03/2012

Do you need your own thread, [R20] Pat?

by Anonymous

reply 21

02/03/2012

R18, you're an idiot. Adults are hit by cars and die all the time.

And what does 1988 have to do with this?

My God you guys are a bunch of hard-hearted pricks.

by Anonymous

reply 22

02/03/2012

Doing a little research OP and unless you are registered domestic partners I'm not sure anything can be done to stop the family from keeping you out of the funeral, unfortunately.

It would still be worth a call to an attorney specializing in this issue though to see if anything can be done.

Chicago's Lambda Legal office: 312-663-4413

by Anonymous

reply 23

02/03/2012

[R18] Fuck you, asshole.

by Anonymous

reply 24

02/03/2012

Im really heartbroken about your loss. Like it was mentioned, why be at a place where you wont be appreciated? It will just be awkward for both parties.

Just wait for the family to leave and then go. Or go the next day and grieve on your time. Have you spoken to the people that knew about you two? Like his brothers, what are their take on all this?

by Anonymous

reply 26

02/03/2012

why the fuck would i lie about this?

by Anonymous

reply 27

02/03/2012

We had a 14 year old killed the other day, hit by a car. It's fairly normal.

by Anonymous

reply 28

02/03/2012

[quote]And they're all idiots who don't look when they cross the street.

You think drivers never are at fault?

by Anonymous

reply 29

02/03/2012

Is this your boyfriend OP?

by Anonymous

reply 30

02/03/2012

r29 exhibits the fatal arrogance of pedestrians.

It's not about who's "fault" it is because the car will always win and you'll be dead.

If you assume every car will run you over, and act accordingly, you will never be hit.

"I have the right of way" is the fastest way to get flattened.

by Anonymous

reply 31

02/03/2012

Wasn't this the plot of "A Single Man"?

by Anonymous

reply 32

02/03/2012

Wow, this is a new low for datalounge, to assume the pedestrian was at fault. Most pedestrians being killed are by drivers misbehaving, drunk or speeding. OP came here for sympathy and instead runs into agenda-drive ideologues with their little hobby horses and pet peeves and not one little ounce of sanity among them.

by Anonymous

reply 33

02/03/2012

oP, I'm so sorry. If you feel the need to view him then I think that you should go. You should insist to see him, just go if you can. While maybe not legally, universally it's his rights that matter and If he would have wanted you there then you should just go.

by Anonymous

reply 34

02/03/2012

You guys were together 8 years and his family still didn't come around? They sound like a bunch of cunts.

by Anonymous

reply 35

02/03/2012

[quote]"I have the right of way" is the fastest way to get flattened.

Not all pedestrians killed by cars are asserting a right of way. Some are just walking along the side of a road or standing still.

by Anonymous

reply 36

02/03/2012

My partner died suddenly 16 years ago when he was 35 and his family whom I had known for 10 years became difficult, after visiting us twice a year .... basically they wanted everything.

If you were living together and owned a house I hope you made sure that his half of the property reverts to you and not to them - luckily that was the kind of mortgage I stipulated for us (ironically to protect him from my family) - but at least they could not force me to sell the house, which they did try to claim the very next day - they were entitled to his possessions though which they carted away in 4 car loads !

But if you two were only dating, then they may be able to control his funeral etc. In my own case we had a big funeral where we lived, as he was a well-known local disk jockey, and I was acknowledged as his partner there - the next day the family took his ashes back with them to where they lived (in Scotland, we were in Southern England) for a private ceremony of their own, which I was not asked to, but that suited me fine, as I wanted nothing more to do with them. I visited the gravesite privately a few months later, and I insisted on getting half of his insurance policy to cover his half of the mortgage as well, sharing it with his mother. They did not like that at all ...

by Anonymous

reply 38

02/03/2012

I think every single one of us should post a comment on that news article the OP listed about how terrible the family is acting to his boyfriend. Shame on them.

by Anonymous

reply 39

02/03/2012

I'm in Chicago, OP, and this reminds me that unfortunately people are like this everywhere.

by Anonymous

reply 40

02/03/2012

OP, I'm sorry for your loss. You should remember that Datalounge is a public forum where homophobes love to come just to be hurtful to gays, so don't take it personally that there are some assholes here. Most likely they have an agenda of either 1) disbelieving your post and imagining it a form of emotional manipulativeness; or 2) homophobes who have bashed gay people in the past and don't believe that gay people really face any discrimination out of guilt for the miserable ways they have behaved; and 3) mentally ill. But there are lots of good people here too and some of us think you'd best remember him your way; but others think you will always be mad at the family unless you go and stand up for yourself and him regardless of what they do (and don't let them make you pay anything either if they aren't going to let you talk).

by Anonymous

reply 41

02/03/2012

Oh OP, I wish you had stayed anonymous. I believed you. You don't have to prove yourself to anyone. You're in pain and I think you should call someone close to you and have them stick cy you and help you get through this.

by Anonymous

reply 42

02/03/2012

Can you go to the funeral home earlier in the day and tell the funeral director that you can't make it to the proper funeral because you have to work, but you'd still like to pay your respects? You could just say that you're an old friend or something. I know that's a terrible thing to have to do -- and it shouldn't be the case -- but if it's the only way to get in, you might want to try.

I'm very sorry for your loss and for the fact that you're being treated like this. You are right, though, that you would be dishonoring his memory by going off the wagon. Stay sober and make the life for yourself that your bf would have wanted you to have. Take care.

by Anonymous

reply 43

02/03/2012

Dear OP, be kind to yourself and take care. Grief is a horrible, painful process - just get through it hour by hour.

I'm so sorry to hear this and appalled by some of the responses you've gotten. When my first partner died (we had been estranged for six months, living in different states), I only found out when a mutual friend called me after seeing the obituary in my ex-partner's hometown (also Chicago). To be fair to the family, his death was unexpected and I don't think his sister (who was always kind and nice) was so bereft and didn't know how to find me (I was living in a real fly-over state, teaching at a non-name school). When we did connect, she was apologetic and also detailed in letting me know what happened and then invited me to the one year anniversary (the family followed Jewish tradition). So, shocking as it was, they handled it with some grace and compassion. I wish the same were true for you.

That said, my advice would be to go to the service if you think it will give you comfort and some vague sense of the beginnings of closure (of course, your grieving will continue and you know that), but I would say don't go it alone. Find your bravest, strongest (in any sense), and most loyal friend and ask him or her to go with you. They can help protect you and run any interference--it is sometimes easier to take on such nasty folk as the father when you are yourself looking out for someone else, rather than yourself.

Anyway, my thoughts are with you. And to the assholes on this thread--just wait, your time will come and you will know such pain. And I hope you remember how callous you were.

by Anonymous

reply 46

02/03/2012

R14/OP, I'm so sorry to read about your loss. Have a memorial service and invite his brothers and his aunt. Then have a wake afterwards. Stay straight in his memory.

You two were probably so close. You grew up together. It will be hard for you, OP, but lean on your friends and others who will want to support you. Carry on with the dreams you had together.

by Anonymous

reply 47

02/03/2012

My condolences, OP.

I think R43 has a good suggestion concerning the funeral home, and I agree that you are otherwise best to honor him with the people who really mattered to him and to you.

Best of luck, OP. The whole situation is just so awful.

by Anonymous

reply 49

02/03/2012

My heart goes out to you OP. And this thread (the ugly posts) is a constant reminder that so many gay men hate themselves so much as a result of the is kind of bigotry.

by Anonymous

reply 50

02/03/2012

Why not, R48. Not everyone grieves the same way.

by Anonymous

reply 51

02/03/2012

I lost my sister suddenly a few months ago. She was in a relationship with a guy we all HATE. However, we never once thought to banish him from anything. Our thinking was that who were we to deny anyone their right to grieve her? No matter what we felt about him, we weren't going to dishonor her by being hateful and petty (although we have very valid reasons for our extreme dislike). Then again...we're not evil pieces of shit.

Gather your friends OP, gather the family that TRULY loves him, and do your own memorial. Fuck his "family." YOU are his family. Honor him the way you see fit and screw anyone else.

by Anonymous

reply 52

02/03/2012

[quote] I lost my sister suddenly a few months ago. She was in a relationship with a guy we all HATE.

You were kind people. After 25 years of emotional abuse my sister killed herself. Her husband told us we were not welcome at the funeral. He's the biggest piece of shit human being that ever lived.

by Anonymous

reply 53

02/03/2012

That's a really awful story, R53.

by Anonymous

reply 55

02/03/2012

No I'm not, r1 as I am dead. But thanks for asking Pat.

by Anonymous

reply 56

02/03/2012

I didn't kill him, [R54] and [R55]., as much as I'd like to. He lives several states away. His behavior was dictionary definition of abusive and controlling. He never struck her but he was so hateful to her in every other way. The story is much deeper/uglier than this but it's upsetting to me, and I am already hijacking this thread a little (my apologies).

I plan on taking an ad out on the anniversary of her death with her photo and the words "We will NEVER forget."

by Anonymous

reply 57

02/03/2012

Thank you guys. even after being on here for 3years i forgot how mean people can be and how many people on here do post total bullshit threads. I also frgot how good and supportive a lot of you can be and I realy apprciate it right noiw. I'm stuck at work and i'm just barely keeping my shit together and i can't keep running to the bathroom to call my friends.

I shouldn't have posted the link to the online article. I shouldn't have put his name on here where peole could go digging up his mug shots.

I keep doing dumb shit like that and I know its cuz of all the emotions running crazy thru me right now but I can't seem to stop. I wish there was a way to pause eveything 5 minutes every time I have to say something or make a decision.

by Anonymous

reply 58

02/03/2012

The ones who are so proud of dodging traffic all these years, my, aren't you something?

A girlfriend was sitting in an outdoor cafe years ago, minding her own business, when a car lost control and barrelled into her.

I'll be sure to remind her - she's always home since she can't work and lives on painkillers - that it was her fault and she's an idiot.

by Anonymous

reply 62

02/03/2012

R62, I don't think anyone here is disputing the fact that there are reckless drivers who go off the road and kill people, and that it's not the pedestrians' faults.

The argument here is that crossing the street is to be done with great caution, even if you're in a crosswalk.

by Anonymous

reply 63

02/03/2012

Which is great for a "why can't pedestrians watch for traffic" thread. It is not okay in a "my boyfriend died because he was killed by a car" thread when you don't know the facts.

by Anonymous

reply 64

02/03/2012

Your stupid little hobbyhorse could be causing someone pain R61. You're obviously some kind of psychopath who feels no empathy and narcissistically has to make the thread all about you.

by Anonymous

reply 66

02/03/2012

R64, thanks to the OP, we do know the facts. OPs BF was killed in the street, crossing with no crosswalk and no signal.

by Anonymous

reply 67

02/03/2012

My father got hit by a car and died almost instantly. I'm told he was dodging traffic. He did it all the time. It happens.

by Anonymous

reply 68

02/03/2012

Maybe he wasn't crossing at a cross walk. I've been thru Wood Dale,the town where the accident happened, and on that road, tho I'm not sure about where the accident happened., that road is long and there aren't a lot of streets that have stop lights, or cross walks (I think there are only 3-4 lights on a 10 mile stretch of it). Add in the time of evening, when it's dark, but not full on dark and it's possible. You people saying this never happened, have you never crossed the road where there wasn't a cross walk? You'd really walk 5 blocks to cross and then back up those same 5 blocks?

This board has become infected with some nasty ass's bitches.p Don't listen to them OP. They are emotionally immature twats who have never experienced a loss greater than loosing their job.

by Anonymous

reply 69

02/03/2012

Christ R59, get some therapy. You sound like a complete mental case.

by Anonymous

reply 70

02/03/2012

It DOES happen

by Anonymous

reply 71

02/03/2012

R69, the link OP provided about the news story said there was no crosswalk and no signal.

by Anonymous

reply 72

02/03/2012

The heartlessness and stupidity of some of the posters here amazes even an old cynic like me. Hang in there, OP, and don't hesitate to reach out for support. If you haven't seen the movie, "A Single Man," mentioned earlier, you may want to rent it eventually, Not now though.

Mondays, January 9 & 23, February 13 & 27, March 12 & 26; 7:00 - 8:30 pm LGBT Grief Group is an ongoing support group designed to help grieving members of the lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender communities to find support and information as they mourn the death of someone they love. Second and Fourth Mondays of the month. Registration required. Fee: $5.00 per session. Held at: Center on Halsted, 3656 N. Halsted, Chicago

by Anonymous

reply 73

02/03/2012

Sorry for your loss, OP.

Is being at work helping you?

Below is a link to a song by Australian singer-songwriter, Judy Small. (It's called 'No Tears for the Widow' and it's about a lesbian relationship that was not publicly recognised nor understood after one of the partners died - based on a true story).

Take care.

by Anonymous

reply 74

02/03/2012

Sorry - here's the song link

by Anonymous

reply 75

02/03/2012

[quote]This. NEVER Happened.

I would sincerely like to meet up with you r17. Your next stop would be a denture clinic.

by Anonymous

reply 76

02/03/2012

[quote]NO ONE GOING THROUGH THIS WOULD TAKE THE FUCKING TIME TO POST IT ON SOME DAMNED WEBSITE. Totally made up. You all are so into GRIEF PORN.

Perhaps the OP is looking for advice on his rights, perhaps just a bit of support when he is feeling desparate & distraught.

Now please go be a spiteful, cynical piece of filth somewhere else, you and all the stupid bitchy queens posting bile on this thread.

I'd rather assume that the OP is telling the truth than form an assumption based on by own cynicsm.

OP, I'm so sorry for all the hell you must be going through in so many ways, I hope you find some way to find a way to say goodbye that gives you the opportunity to grieve and get some sort of closure.

by Anonymous

reply 77

02/03/2012

[quote]I said "1988" because the whole "family kept me away" crap is so OVER. I am sure in some isolated instances but its 2012, folks. That reads like some Lifetime movie. That shit doesn't happen anymore.

Yes, it does still happen because there are still jackasses who are almost as ignorant as you. Let's hope we soon find your boyfriend writing a similar tale about your family. In that case, the world would be a better place.

by Anonymous

reply 78

02/03/2012

Anyone making light of OP's situation is a loathsome piece of shit. You all fucking cry and wave your hands around when a gay teen kills himself, then you lash out at a guy whose partner died in an accident! OP never got to see his partner at the hospital, and now he's being prevented from attending the funeral. Do you have any idea how traumatic this has got to be? To meet someone at 16 and lose them at 24...I can only imagine its like losing part of one's identity.

OP, be strong and don't try to get through this period on your own.

by Anonymous

reply 79

02/03/2012

"Who would find time in his grief to go type about it on Datalounge?"

A bloke who has just lost his partner of 8 years in a sudden death and who doesn't have the support of his family.

R81, because when we are grief stricken, we go to what we are used to, in order to retain SOME normalcy and diversion from pain.

Of course you wouldn't get that...and yet you must obsessively troll this thread for some reason.

by Anonymous

reply 84

02/03/2012

My sister-in-law had a boyfriend in college who was killed when he was walking home from a friend's house and hit by a car. He had been drinking and stumbled off the sidewalk and wham. A drunk wiped the kid out. It does happen and it is horrible.

It was a very painful experience for her and, though she does love my brother, it still haunts her seven years later.

I am sorry OP. This is heartbreaking. Unfortunately, your boyfriend is gone. If he were alive then, yes, he would NEED his family to face the fact that he is gay. Now it just doesn't matter. What matters now is you. You will probably never see these bigots who are attending your boyfriend's funeral again. You will not need them to deal with the pain you are going through. You will not rely on them for jack shit. You DO need your people, your family, your friends. That is where you should your energy now.

Reflect on the fact that you really knew this man while they chose to not. The man they are mourning is someone they invented to make themselves feel better. They are idiots. Fuck em. Go be with the people who love you and understand that you are in pain.

by Anonymous

reply 86

02/03/2012

Much as you are going through how it must have been for him when the accident happened, please remember that he is not. He is not suffering, and he feels no pain. I'm so sorry that you are going through this, but remember the years that you made his life special right up to when he died. x

by Anonymous

reply 88

02/03/2012

[quote]Well, as long as my ignorant point is abundantly clear,

Your total ignorance is abundantly clear, r81 r87. There's not the slighest doubt that you could ever have anyone who would mourn your passing.

by Anonymous

reply 92

02/03/2012

OP- can you post the information on the visitation/services. I will attend and I suggest any DL poster in the area do the same. They may be able to keep you away, OP, but they can't keep away everyone.

by Anonymous

reply 93

02/03/2012

I do believe this thread is a new low for datalounge.

R94 - Perhaps you ought to do the world a favor and go pull a Russell Armstrong. THX.

by Anonymous

reply 95

02/03/2012

First of all, my heart goes out to you, OP.

You've been excluded from the rituals that help us begin the process of recovery after the death of a loved one. Do you think it would help if you and your friends created some ritual that might give you some comfort? Perhaps you could visit his grave with flowers for him when none of his family is there. You could perform your own version of a graveside service, complete with the 23rd Psalm and some prayer. Perhaps you and any of your friends who knew him could eulogize him.

It doesn't have to be any of these things; these are only suggestions. I know the reason ritual lives on is that it can be very healing.

by Anonymous

reply 96

02/03/2012

Damn, OP, you have my sympathy.

It's bad enough losing the guy you love and dealing with his asshole family is just more stress.

For some reason, grief seems to bring out the WORST in some people.

Hang in there.

by Anonymous

reply 98

02/03/2012

Good idea from R96. The burial service will probably be quite structured and formal with fakes like his father making fake speeches...

It's just the convention, and in itself it is not important- the meaning and sincerity is what is important, so say goodbye in your own way.

by Anonymous

reply 99

02/03/2012

[quote]Reflect on the fact that you really knew this man while they chose to not. The man they are mourning is someone they invented to make themselves feel better. They are idiots. Fuck em. Go be with the people who love you and understand that you are in pain.

This is the most useful post so far. It's not about wheher it's about a funeral or a wake, or however you mourn/ remember him, but about the feeling behind it.

by Anonymous

reply 100

02/03/2012

This thread is truly unreal.

So sorry, OP. I hope you've found a better outlet for your grief. Don't let the damaged, bitter freaks here get to you.

by Anonymous

reply 101

02/03/2012

r37, that's what my mom calls being "dead right". She taught us that as kids, don't ever assume what someone is going to do.

RIP to victim, sorry for your loss, OP.

by Anonymous

reply 103

02/03/2012

I'm sorry for your loss, OP.

There are some other things you can do to celebrate your loved one's life, such as have a memorial service, or have a wake at your house. Invite all your friends, have a dinner, and talk about your friend. A friend of mine got a lot of helium ballons, had a small outdoor memorial service, then let them go.

FYI, you could also send a very nice floral wreath to the funeral. If you think they are such assholes as to throw it away, put a friend's name on it, or a group of friends could all sign the card.

Please stay clean. I'm dealing with a family member with serious drug problems right now. If you have left behind that part of your life at such a young age, don't backslide.

She is 46 and may have brain damage from complications from an overdose, they don't know how bad it is yet. There's some possibility of physical damage as well. Still doing tests, but so far it doesn't look good. Don't do this to yourself or those who love you. It's awful, and totally unnecessary. Your loved one would want you to be happy, you have a lot of opportunities ahead of you still. Do your best to make him proud of you. That's the best thing you can do to show your love.

by Anonymous

reply 105

02/03/2012

[quote]OP- can you post the information on the visitation/services. I will attend and I suggest any DL poster in the area do the same. They may be able to keep you away, OP, but they can't keep away everyone.

That is a fucking AWESOME idea! If I lived in the area, I'd go too!

by Anonymous

reply 106

02/03/2012

OP, if you have allies within the family who can tell you the arrangements and when the family is expected, if he's going to be laid out, go to the funeral home privately to say good bye. Unless the family has made this a very private exclusive thing the funeral home should be open to friends and acquaintances to pay respects. Also, if there is a church service for him. Go to it. You don't have to be conspicuous in front, but say your good bye.

I like R7's suggestion. You need to move quickly and have something private...by invitation only for friends and loved ones. YOu don't have to spend a lot of money. Let his asshole family spend money on a fake funeral that no one he loved will attend. Yu give him a wonderful send off. Euology music, nice stories, etc. Flowers, food and lots of love.

by Anonymous

reply 107

02/03/2012

OP, very sorry for your loss. My partner of 20 years died about six years ago, so I understand the grief that you are going through. Hang in there.

And, please ignore the sick, vile pieces of shit who have come on here to demonstrate exactly how deranged and bitter they really are.

Mike Jasper is dead and his very much alive boyfriend is being excluded from the funeral and is here asking for some advice and a little bit of sympathy. Therefore, the inane observations of a bunch of nasty fuckers doubting that this happened or speculating about what may have occurred in the roadway or who may be at fault are completely irrelevant.

by Anonymous

reply 108

02/03/2012

Wow. Sorry for your loss and what you are gong through and sorry for those who have been true assholes to you on this thread.

by Anonymous

reply 109

02/03/2012

"then I start thinking about what it might have been like for him when the accident happened"

OP - He probably only felt a moment of brief shock - then peacefulness.

by Anonymous

reply 110

02/03/2012

Honey, I am so sorry for your loss.

by Anonymous

reply 111

02/03/2012

Good God, OP, my heart goes out to you. I am so thankful that my parents love my partner, and his mom loves me.

I wish you the best, and hope that you will seek counseling---and perhaps revenge against his hateful and evil parents.

by Anonymous

reply 113

02/03/2012

The sick and heartless cunts that have posted awful things about your loss will get their due one day when their funerals are attended only by their priest and the undertaker.

What evil, dead souls they must have.

OP, stay strong, and seek help. Trauma like this needs serious counseling to be healed. I have cried at this thread- half for you, and half for the blackhearted fuckers that have cast aspersions at your pain.

PS- I also posted at the link about how awful the family is treating you. I hope you don't mind.

by Anonymous

reply 114

02/04/2012

OP, what would he want you to do?

by Anonymous

reply 115

02/04/2012

OP, I'm sorry for your loss and the terrible way you've been treated.

I was very lucky when my bf died, that his family was so supportive of me and included me in everything.

We'd only been together a year, but his mother told me that he'd said to her just a few weeks before he died that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me.

At the memorial service, I stayed in the background and didn't participate, because he had a lot of longtime friends who wanted to prove how important they were in his life. And in a weird way, they were much more threatened by my presence than his family was.

I didn't add my story here to make it all about me, OP, but to say you're not alone, I understand the grief you're feeling, and I'm sorry for both your loss and the way you're being treated.

There's nothing any of us can say to ease your pain, but I hope you can find some peace one day, knowing that the event his family is holding isn't for him or the person he was, it's for themselves, to justify their own behavior. If it was to honor him, they would want you to be there, because he loved you.

I do hope you'll attend the grief-counseling sessions linked above, as it was very helpful to me to go to something similar. The one I went to was a group of five or six people who had all lost a loved one and we met once a week for an hour and a half for about six weeks to talk about our loss and our feelings and the person we loved. It was very helpful to me, even though it didn't change anything.

(And for the people who keep harping on the notion that no one paying attention gets hit by a car, I was hit by a taxi in NY and knocked down once, and I had the light and was paying attention and did nothing wrong, and the taxi came careening around the corner at a high rate of speed and if I hadn't leaped to get out of the way, I'd have been hit head on and killed. There are some really bad drivers out there who kill people, and they shouldn't be let off the hook by blaming the person who doesn't have a thousand or more pounds of steel protecting him. And since the victim was killed by a hit-and-run driver, that says a lot about the person driving. Anyone with an ounce of decency would have called 911 immediately and explained it was an accident. That the driver didn't report the accident is an indication there was something the driver wants to hide.)

Honey, I am so pleased you have friends with you. Don't be afraid to let them help you and to ask for that in the months to come. It hurts and nothing can alter that, but you have good thoughts coming your way. And remember: nothing that family can do will diminish the love you two had for each other. Take care, OP.

by Anonymous

reply 120

02/04/2012

r59, you make no sense. Why wouldn't the OP have time to post about this? The whole point is that the thing that takes up people's time in the days after a loved one's death - making and preparing the funeral arrangements - is exactly what the OP says he's not allowed to participate in. What else would be taking up his time?

Also, I think you're hugely out-of-touch with the cultural spectrum of this country to say that in America in 2012 all gay men's families accept their son's boyfriend as a member of the family, so the OP must be lying. Who the hell do you think makes up the population of the red states that elect Republican majorities to Congress? Do you think all of Rick Santorum's supporters are people who in their private lives are actually just fine with their children having gay relationships?

by Anonymous

reply 121

02/04/2012

"Find your bravest, strongest (in any sense), and most loyal friend and ask him or her to go with you."

I kind of like r46's idea. Especially if you have a woman in your life who's a real take-no-shit ballbuster who, if anybody tries to give you any problem, will tell them to go to hell.

On one hand there is a horrific loss at a momentary lapse of judgement and on the other it is that momentary lapse of judgement that causes another to wake up a realize that we are still discriminated against.

Do I offer my sympathies; yes.

Do I criticize OP for having his head up his ass for needing the death of a loved one to figure out that we members of the LGBT community have VASTLY different rights depending on where we live: no.

I would suggest that people who read this thread examine their own situations and use this clarion call to make the arrangements that OP should have made.

by Anonymous

reply 125

02/04/2012

R6, marry me.

by Anonymous

reply 126

02/04/2012

Oh, come on, r125. Very few 24-year-olds, straight or gay, make arrangements for what will happen in the event of their deaths - I don't think this is an indication that the OP and his boyfriend had their heads up their asses.

by Anonymous

reply 127

02/04/2012

In what way is being emotional an extraordinary reaction to the sudden death of one's partner (and the subsequent nastiness), r124???

by Anonymous

reply 128

02/04/2012

The very disturbing poster on this thread who is denying the death/focusing on pedestrian crossings is also posting on the suicide by carbon monoxide thread telling people to "just kill themselves", according to Trolldar. What can you say - some people desperately need therapy.

OP, I am sorry for your terrible loss. I too think you should grab a good, ballsy friend, one who has your back all the way, and attend the services. And also make separate plans afterwards for the "real" goodbye to your boyfriend, maybe a wake or something, with other friends.

by Anonymous

reply 129

02/04/2012

I can't decide whether my fave poster on this thread is the Princess Di grief stalker who termed herself "heartbroken", or the poster who asked "I hope this question isn't imprudent, but I'm curious: was your boyfriend African American?" Why: would it be a waste of your grief?

by Anonymous

reply 131

02/04/2012

You're nuts, R125. What the fuck does some greater LGBT cause have to do with the very personal grief that the OP is in?

"Do I criticize OP for having his head up his ass for needing the death of a loved one to figure out that we members of the LGBT community have VASTLY different rights depending on where we live: no."

So he had his head up his ass for not up and moving to some place with more rights for LGBT?

And he should have had some kind of paperwork drawn up in case the 25 year old man he was NOT partnered with and NOT living with died?

As I said, you're nuts.

by Anonymous

reply 132

02/04/2012

"It's much more fun to be sarcastic and silly"

I agree - but there is someone on this thread who appears to be in the throes of some kind of psychotic episode...

by Anonymous

reply 133

02/04/2012

"And he should have had some kind of paperwork drawn up in case the 25 year old man he was NOT partnered with and NOT living with died?" R132

Well, there ya go, r132. If that is exactly the situation and you have reduced OP to nothing more than a hated friend of the family then my chagrin is why OP doesn't mourn privately and move on?

Is it because OP is a vengeful drama queen.

I don't know but thanks for the clarification.

by Anonymous

reply 134

02/04/2012

In retrospect, maybe asking Jesus to take the wheel wasn't the best idea . . .

by Anonymous

reply 136

02/04/2012

[quote]asked "I hope this question isn't imprudent, but I'm curious: was your boyfriend African American?" Why: would it be a waste of your grief?

I strongly suspect the question was a joke based on the stereotype that African Americans tend to be somewhat more insouciant when it comes to crosswalks and "DON'T WALK" signs.

by Anonymous

reply 137

02/04/2012

Actually I was curious if he was black because being gay is still a big taboo among African Americans (see Pariah) so that might explain why he was kicked out of his house at 16.

by Anonymous

reply 138

02/04/2012

Given that his photo has been pasted in this thread R138, I'd say you are a troll.

by Anonymous

reply 139

02/04/2012

now I have to question this as Michael had been involved in my family's life for a period of time and there was no mention of any significant other in his life such as your claim here.

by Anonymous

reply 140

02/04/2012

I'm so sorry, OP.

by Anonymous

reply 141

02/04/2012

This person is a liar was a personal friend of the person who passed.im very upset about this, first off he lived with me and my family, he was not clean for 6 months, this person is a bold face liar and a sick twist.

by Anonymous

reply 142

02/04/2012

If you really knew him then answer this for me what car did he own. Make model and color. Also where did he get this car from. If you are unable to answer this then you are in fact a list and need to retract this.

by Anonymous

reply 143

02/04/2012

If this accident was the fault of the pedestrian, boyfriend, why didn't the driver of the car stay around, why is this hit and run? Sounds like driver is at fault.

I agree with R118

by Anonymous

reply 144

02/04/2012

OP, I'm so sorry. I know you came here to DL hoping to get some advice and not expecting this crazy EST troll shit. The people posting all those denials, just go somewhere else. You're cretins. Even if you don't believe the OP, you better believe this has happened and still happens every day to gay people in this country and elsewhere. I, for one, believe OP and feel so sad for him.

I don't know what to tell you, OP. This breaks my heart for you and for every other gay person who has ever had to go through something like this. I could not imagine what I would do or that this would happen to me but it could.

Unfortunately, I learned a long time ago that funerals are for the living. You had what was most important, Mike's life and love. If you go to the funeral, you may experience quite a bit of hostility. Imagine you could put this question to Mike. What would Mike advise you to do?

Here is what I would do, no matter what. If you can afford it, take out an obituary notice in the paper and write a loving tribute about him and your life together. This way, there is a written record of your connection that will last longer than the headstone on his grave. Be sure to put that he is survived by you, jus partner of 8 years, and then list his parents and brothers. That is also a "fuck you" to the parents that will be something that will pay off in perpetuity for their evilness.

Spend time with your friends and accept their help. I'm so sorry.

by Anonymous

reply 145

02/04/2012

I believe that it happened as I had gone to the site of the accident (unaware that michael had been hit)while the car that struck him sat there and the police were investigating the scene. As we were a part if his life the police have consulted members of my family for information to help determine what has happened and why. I want to be sure that Michaels name is not smeared by some person looking to get off on the sympathy of others when they had nothing to do with him.

by Anonymous

reply 146

02/04/2012

So i have only one more question you say you have buried yourself in your work to keep your mind off of this tragedy. If you were indeed in a relationship with Michael Jasper why then did he live on the streets, sleep in his car and under bridges drinking himself to death, i would imgaine if you loved him soo very much you would have gave him a warm safe place to sleep or atleast money to aquire a hotel room, food in his stomach, a place to bathe himself. I know that myself and my family did that for him because he had nobody else to help him, i was with michael hours before the accident, cleaning up his cut up and brused face because he had been mugged the night before, trying to find a safe spot to sleep, where were you? mr so called boyfriend? why couldnt or didnt he come to you for help? why in gods name would you come on here telling lies about someone that has passed, i have no doubt that maybe you knew michael, which makes me even more sad as to why you would say these things, michaels sexual preferance made no difference to me, he was a human being, he was funny, sweet and caring, he was a son, a grandson and a friend be respectful to him and stop this nonsense now please, let Michael be at peace for the first time in his life.

by Anonymous

reply 147

02/04/2012

There have been some valid pieces of advice (R7, R46, R86 among others) and comment (R11) on this thread as well as genuine, but not malicious, humor (R6). It's too bad the thread has been otherwise polluted.

I am not an emotional guy, but am glad OP posted this thread and that he gets some genuine advice, comfort and relief from some of the comments here.

by Anonymous

reply 149

02/04/2012

I've known Jasper for ever, since when has he been gay???

by Anonymous

reply 150

02/06/2012

Was either the pedestrian or the driver of the vehicle intoxicated? Or was it a hit and run? I am trying to understand how he was struck by this car

by Anonymous

reply 151

02/06/2012

Exactly, he wasn't gay its just some sick ass making stuff up people can't even respect the dead anymore ots a sad world

by Anonymous

reply 152

02/06/2012

If someone is making this up (and I truly hope that no one would do such a thing) calling the deceased man gay is hardly the disrespectful aspect of it all, r152.

by Anonymous

reply 153

02/07/2012

when i was in the hospital several years back for almost 2 weeks, my mom made sure that my boyfriend was not permitted to see me.

But my boyfriend was smarter than that and he had his fag hag come visit me first and then he sneaked in.

yeah my mom can be a bitch.

we were together for almost 5 yrs and were about to move in together when we decided to end it. Im not an eldergay not that there is anything wrong with that, im in my early 30's right now.

He use to like to see me asleep, he use to tell me i was too innocent and that i had never struggled or suffered like him. We now i have.

yes i was a preppy nerd from a well to do family and he was a hot average joe working class

by Anonymous

reply 154

02/07/2012

Firstly, OP, my condolences. Second, if his family are excluding you from the funeral then trust me, it's not a funeral you want to be at. I've been at funerals for gay men and drug users where the family completely whitewashed the life of the deceased. It's insulting and in no way a loving way to celebrate and remember a departed loved one. Mourn him and farewell him in your own way, with people who knew and loved him for who he was, not who they wanted him to be.

by Anonymous

reply 155

02/07/2012

Your right I didn't mean any disrespect to gay individuals, in just very upset that in the midst of a tragic accident and death of another human being,my friend. That someone would feel the need to.come into a chat room or whatever and post lies about him, personally it makes no difference to me if he was gay or straight he would still be the same person,my friend Michael What I don't understand is why, why do people do such horrible things he is dead let him rest on peace please :-)

by Anonymous

reply 156

02/07/2012

If he is really is the boyfriend, R152, and many people do not know every aspect of a person's life - can you imagine the extreme disrespect that Jasper's family is showing not only to the former boyfriend but also to their son? Erasure of one's real, important and loving life is the most painful thing a family can do to a child, and many of them do it. My sympathies to you, and if it turns out that Jasper was indeed the OP's boyfriend, I hope you will be upset on the OP's behalf as well.

by Anonymous

reply 157

02/07/2012

Forget the funeral. Everyone will be living a deream not reality. Don't let what you and your bf had be destroyed.

by Anonymous

reply 158

02/07/2012

The movie version, " His Secret Life", the man hit by a car was married to a woman and she discovered he had a lover. In her pursuit of uncovering this lover, she found out that her deceased husband had an entire life beyond their marriage. Then, the homosexual finding finally surface and she beame friends with he gay lover of her husband.

Italian 2001

by Anonymous

reply 160

02/07/2012

This is so sad!

Except, it never happened.

by Anonymous

reply 161

02/07/2012

Still trying to find out the details on this accident. OP, where were you when this occurred? And how were you notified? Did the family inform you? And if so, why were you not allowed at the hospital? There seem to be some missing details here.

by Anonymous

reply 162

02/07/2012

Time to move on.

by Anonymous

reply 163

02/07/2012

THERES NO WAY MIKE WAS GAY HE USED TO BANG SOME BAD BITCHES..........THIS DUDE IS A LIAR

by Anonymous

reply 164

02/07/2012

Perhaps, he wasn't as friendly as you had imagined. Perhaps he didn't want you to know that he's gay and put up with the drama that would come in his direction from you.

Meanwhile, please learn the difference between your and you're.

by Anonymous

reply 165

02/07/2012

[R146] You say you were at the scene of the accident? Was either the pedestrian or the driver of the vehicle intoxicated?

by Anonymous

reply 167

02/07/2012

I can back up r142 jasper wasn't gay, I'm gay so I think I would know, I have known jasper a very long time, there is no conspiracy here or hidden life. Some person took it upon themselves to create a sad story out of a sad situation.Jasper was a good guy, he had a rough life.i do find it excellent to see all you wonderful people reaching out to help advise someone its puts a smile on my face. But in this case the op is not deserving of your kind words.

by Anonymous

reply 168

02/07/2012

The most tragic thing here is the use of the phrase "bold face liar" by R142. You mean "bald faced liar."

by Anonymous

reply 169

02/07/2012

Really?? Out of this entire thread you criticize that? Enter the phrases in google they can be said either way ty have a nice day :-)

by Anonymous

reply 170

02/07/2012

How did all these friends of the deceased find this thread???

by Anonymous

reply 171

02/07/2012

When you type in his name in google it comes up, I was looking for his obit

by Anonymous

reply 172

02/07/2012

[R27] I believe that the accident happened, but from all these numerous replies from friends and family of the deceased it may seem that the fact that this man may have either been in the closet, or not gay at all. Either way I am sure that these people would be supportive. But none the less, this is a tragic story.

by Anonymous

reply 173

02/08/2012

Ok, I believed op until the friends of the deceased found the thread. Sounds like the victim was troubled by addiction and homelessness, and apparently not gay.

We've been had.

by Anonymous

reply 174

02/08/2012

There are posters in this thread who seem to desperately need this story to be untrue. It's odd. I also typed in his name and I didn't see any links to this thread. I'm not even sure that anyone in this thread typed out his entire name in one of their posts.

by Anonymous

reply 175

02/09/2012

"I also typed in his name and I didn't see any links to this thread"

"michael jasper" +"wood dale" finds you the DL thread on the 1st page of Google results

by Anonymous

reply 176

02/09/2012

@r125 Let me put you in a scenario say a friend of yours died in an unfortunate accident, you are looking up his obit to sign the guest book, and you see someone saying your friend was an axe wielding psychopathic serial killer,he was also your pet hamster for 8 yrs but his family won't let you attend his funeral because they are all mice and mice are scared of hamsters so you need advice on how to cope. Now I'm in now at comparing being gay,and being an axe murderer, I was just trying to come up with a silly scenario as an example. Naturally you being his friend would become angry like the ones who have posted on here such as myself. Michael Patrick Jasper was a great friend did he have some problems and demons yes he did but non the less still a great friend. And myself and his friend will protect him all that I can because he can't be here to speak for himself so if that is what you call desperately trying to make a story untrue or what you find odd so be it that's your opinion,in my opinion that's being true to my friend and having their back. Micheal jasper had no involvement with the op, he was a good guy who's name got used by some idiot to grab some attn and I truly hope that nobody has to ever go through this, thank you all for your time and your thoughts.

by Anonymous

reply 177

02/09/2012

The above post is for r175 not 125 and one more comment why does it seem as though so many people refuse to believe that the op made this up, do straight people often invade the chat threads here telling random stories about dead people? I am sorry if people do cuz that is just sad.

by Anonymous

reply 178

02/09/2012

THE OP MADE this entire shit up, whoa. What a jerk.

by Anonymous

reply 179

02/09/2012

Okay. On a board with a lot of bizarre threads, this is certainly up there. I was out of town without my laptop and didn't see this thread last week.

OP sounded plausible. I can see where a "This. Never. Happened" troll might try to post as a friend of the deceased.

However, a weird thing happened to me once. I was in a bar (imagine that!!) and was chatting with some people. I started talking to a guy who said he his bf just died. He showed me a picture on his phone of the guy I was "seeing", who had had meningitis and was in the hospital but was very much alive.

So people do some weird shit.

Anyway, I'm sorry the deceased died so young.

by Anonymous

reply 180

02/09/2012

How did all of these "friends" post during primetime? I couldn't post at all. Do they just happen to be paid members of DL?

There are many people who lead secret lives especially if they live in a small homophobic town with homophobic family members. So how can the "friends" be so sure that Michael Jasper wasn't gay? Isn't it possible that he just didn't tell you that he was gay and had a boyfriend? Yet you immediately call the OP a liar without asking any questions to confirm whether he really knew the deceased. This story might be made up but I do have to wonder if these "friends" were the ones typing 'EST' or 'this never happened.'

by Anonymous

reply 181

02/09/2012

The family didnt want him there. Like he said only a select family members were okay with it. Its obvious that the extended family and friends were not aware that the guy was gay.

by Anonymous

reply 182

02/09/2012

Instead of writing about it on DL why not tell your story of your relationship with Michael in the guestbook at the online obituary his family have set up.

by Anonymous

reply 183

02/09/2012

I think the OP was someone who knew the dead guy and had a crush on him but never had sex with him. What a weird person OP is. We need to trolldar him to find out what else he's posted.

by Anonymous

reply 184

02/09/2012

OP, someone has already posted this link, but this is clearly the Michael who died, unless there are two Michael Patrick Jaspers aged 24 of Dale Wood. He was clearly a troubled young man, "driving under the influence while revoked or suspended". Since you were together for six years I presume you were fully aware of his problems.

It's cruel, I know, but I can see why some people might be cynical. After all, your post sounds like a direct copy of the news reports ("he was knocked over on Monday and died in hospital two days later on Wednesday" as opposed to "he was knocked over a couple of days ago and died yesterday"). Sorry for your loss and I'm even more sorry for his family's loss at having some stranger exploit their tragedy.

by Anonymous

reply 185

02/09/2012

Michael must have been deeply closted, it's surprising he managed to sustain a 6-year relationship, especially at such a young age, as according to his MySpace page he was straight. Also according to MySpace he no longer drank.

As regards the person he most wanted to meet:

"I am prepared to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter"

by Anonymous

reply 186

02/09/2012

What kind of sick freak invents a relationship and an entire fake history with a stranger after reading their obituary?

by Anonymous

reply 187

02/09/2012

Ya know it makes me angry that because his friends stick up for him and now we live in a homophobic town and are indeed ourselves homophobic, I personally have no prob what so ever with the gay community i am most definitely NOT homophobic, I'm done here I told Michaels side he was NOT gay, he was NOT sober for 6 months like the the op stated, he very rarely had anything to do with his family,most people didn't even know if he had family. Personally why hasn't the op been back to defend himself. As I said in done I defended my friend, its sad to me that someone can come on here and spew lies about someone but when people defend the honor of a deceased friend we get called, odd, desperate, homophobic and liars.oh and further more I didn't even know this was a pay site it lets me type for free hell before this fiasco I didn't even know this place existed.

by Anonymous

reply 188

02/09/2012

First off this is out of control wow now people are posting his MySpace link and things he had posted on there leave him the hell alone

by Anonymous

reply 189

02/09/2012

OP is nothing but a sick freak. Look at Jasper's blog page on the myspace link:

"I will die 4

KaRa "

KARA, not the OP, in 2007! Fuuuuuuck. OP is probably a pedophile or something.

To Jasper's friends, please note that a whole bunch of us are slamming the OP as being a fucked up mess. Sorry this happened to your friend. The OP is a troll of epic proportions.

by Anonymous

reply 190

02/09/2012

R188, enough! Stop trying to play the sympathy angle to try to guilt people into believing you. I don't believe you or the OP. You guys have gone way too far with this. Let this man rest in peace!

And yes it is weird that so many of the friends posted during prime-time.

by Anonymous

reply 191

02/09/2012

Sorry r189, I wasn't trying to disrespect Michael I was simply trying to show that it's easy to find information about someone on the internet and then make all sorts of claims about them, like OP has. Sorry for your loss.

by Anonymous

reply 192

02/09/2012

R191, it's not prime-time otherwise I wouldn't be able to post either.

by Anonymous

reply 193

02/09/2012

When many of the friends posted it WAS prime-time because I was also unable to post at those times.

I'm done with this thread. It's sick. It needs to be deleted. I can't believe that so many people would take it this far. Again, let this man rest in peace!

by Anonymous

reply 194

02/09/2012

The OP should be banned for making this up, and yes it is fucked up.

by Anonymous

reply 195

02/09/2012

Op is probably umpina

by Anonymous

reply 196

02/09/2012

I agree, the OP should be banned for this grief porn crush bs he did.

& r194 DL's primetime is odd, in some parts of the country it's on and some parts it's NOT ON, it's been discussed ad infinitum at DLRB (Datalounge Refugees - google it).

by Anonymous

reply 197

02/09/2012

Personally I don't care what you believe, I stated my case and defended my friend. That was my entire point here. Good bye

by Anonymous

reply 198

02/09/2012

We know! You're free to go now!

by Anonymous

reply 199

02/09/2012

I believe OP, but I'm not sure when he posted that link that it was actually the incident he was referring to. As for the "Michael's friends" who showed up after R140, I don't believe them either. If they were his great friends they wouldn't say such nasty things about him.

by Anonymous

reply 200

02/09/2012

This thread needs to be deleted. This is just wrong to do to someone.

by Anonymous

reply 201

02/09/2012

r200 how could you believe the OP when the link to Jasper's own myspace page said he loved KARA in 2007? The OP said that he and Jasper were together for 6 years, that kinda trashes your theory that the OP is real.

by Anonymous

reply 202

02/09/2012

[quote]What kind of sick freak invents a relationship and an entire fake history with a stranger after reading their obituary?

Sick freaks are also attention whores. I see this kind of thing all the time on all kinds of other forums. The gullibility of most people is just mind-blowing.

Remember in the early days of the Internet, that fat ugly chick who pretended to be a man and developed a relationship with some woman? It went on for a couple of years and it blew up in her face big time. When she was confronted about it, she had nothing to say. Nobody could understand why she did it. I think it's because it was the only way to get any kind of attention -- she was ugly and fat and utterly charmless in real life, so she made shit up in order to have some kind of connection with other people.

by Anonymous

reply 203

02/09/2012

[quote]"I also typed in his name and I didn't see any links to this thread"

[quote]"michael jasper" +"wood dale" finds you the DL thread on the 1st page of Google results

My Google search results have this thread linked on the second page of results, so yes, his friends could have gotten here via a Google search, without any knowledge of DL.

by Anonymous

reply 204

02/09/2012

If it is all fake, then there's so many who have risen to the bait with equal obsession to the OP.

by Anonymous

reply 205

02/09/2012

I just looked it up on Google. Not there.

by Anonymous

reply 206

02/09/2012

Just delete the thread let it drop and let this man rest in peace

by Anonymous

reply 207

02/09/2012

Told

You

So

by Anonymous

reply 209

02/10/2012

This is almost as bizarre as the Jani Lane thread.

by Anonymous

reply 210

02/10/2012

I've been visiting DL for twelve years and this is the weirdest damn thread I've ever seen.

by Anonymous

reply 211

02/10/2012

The OP isn't even in Illinois.

by Anonymous

reply 212

02/10/2012

Really.....come on have some respect and could ya be anymore tacky....

by Anonymous

reply 214

02/10/2012

That's nothing I have a second job I work on Sat and Sun.

Anyway, Larry the guy who works Mon thru Fri, died right after he got home on Friday and then his wife had him cremated the next day and she didn't bother to tell anyone.

They called on Monday to see where he was and she told everyone at work, "Oh he died and he's already cremated and buried, no services."

by Anonymous

reply 217

01/13/2013

Looks like DL has some visitors

by Anonymous

reply 220

02/23/2013

What the hell is this shit?

by Anonymous

reply 221

02/23/2013

I second R221.

by Anonymous

reply 222

02/23/2013

Calling PPSM -- is this you?

by Anonymous

reply 223

02/23/2013

What a heartbreak for you; I am so sorry. Please know that my heart goes out to you. I am giving you a hug right now. You shared something very special with your boyfriend: love and love never dies. You will see him again one day. I know the pain is great and it hurts so much and to add insult to injury, the insensitive bigoted and intolerant selfish people there are in the world. God bless you and your boyfriend.

by Anonymous

reply 224

03/16/2013

He prolly jumped in front of the car to get away from the OP.

by Anonymous

reply 225

03/16/2013

If all these hets like MPJ so much, why are they then saying he was homeless and sleeping under bridges. I think all the "friends" are big fakers.

by Anonymous

reply 226

03/17/2013

OP, Please try to ignore the very hateful meanies on DL. They love to put everyone in the world down; they're the ones that are totally mentally ill.

Traffic cops will tell you that there are many reasons why pedestrians get hit and killed. Some drivers claim that they don't see them; others are too drunk or are distracted. Often there's nothing that the victim could have done to prevent the accident. Sadly it's just fate.

I stopped going to family events, including weddings and funerals, as it's not worth the time and expense to deal with "some people." Yes I'm a straight female, and I still relate to your pain. Still what good would a family confrontation do for you? Is that what you loved one would have wanted? Please think of him right now.

There might not be a viewing, because of the way he was killed. Personally I'd invite everyone that remotely knew or cared about him to my own planned very informal funeral. I'd express in the invite that the music, poetry, philosophy of life, etc of the dead would be expressed at this funeral. Then I'd invite everyone to donate time or money to his favorite cause.

His family obviously didn't really care about who he really was, as an individual. You need to demonstrate that you were his true (although adopted) family by honoring him in the way that he would have wished but without anger.

by Anonymous

reply 227

03/17/2013

HA!!!!

by Anonymous

reply 231

06/29/2013

assuming a service will be held in a church, since when does a church stop people from entering when there is a service going on? will there be a guard there looking for you and stopping you?

by Anonymous

reply 235

08/02/2013

What the FUCK!

by Anonymous

reply 237

08/06/2013

Spam is okay on DL.

by Anonymous

reply 238

08/06/2013

Spamorama!!!

by Anonymous

reply 239

08/06/2013

sick liar OP.

by Anonymous

reply 243

12/29/2013

Beware of R245 .

By the power of Christ, I command you to leave this thread.

by Anonymous

reply 246

10/11/2014

How did he die? Was he an organ donor?

by Anonymous

reply 247

10/11/2014

After Thursdays and Mondays, Wednesdays are always most unlucky day.

by Anonymous

reply 248

10/11/2014

What would Joan do?

by Anonymous

reply 249

10/11/2014

Stacey Bruno aka Cheryl admit it

by Anonymous

reply 252

05/20/2015

Fuck 'em.

Go to the funeral home wearing your most daring hot pants and then shamelessly flirt with every male there. Don't forget to let them know that you're on PrEP and available N O W !!

by Anonymous

reply 254

06/01/2015

I'm so sorry, OP.

by Anonymous

reply 255

06/02/2015

Was the driver cited for DWA - driving while Asian? Do you live in SF?

by Anonymous

reply 256

06/02/2015

R254 & R255 Did you even bother to notice the original day this thread was posted?

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