First Gianfranco Zola is sacked, then Ronnie James Dio gets summoned by the unholy sorcerer in the sky – truly, this has been a foul few weeks for giant men with little bodies. Shaun Wright-Phillips may not fit into that category but he does fall into this one: Manchester City wingers who are not thought to have much of a future at Eastlands and may find themselves sitting down soon to discuss a move to Newcastle. It's quite a lonely category, in fairness.

Still, it's better to be alone than in bad company, as the Mill's mum says whenever she catches us consorting with spivs and floozies and journalists and all the other loquacious lowlife who keep us supplied with the guff you read here and doubt on a daily basis. Sir Alex Ferguson wants to improve the calibre of person, or at least of player, that he hangs out with and aims to do so by adding a £38m debit to Manchester United's balance sheet in order to sign Argentinian trickster Angel di Maria from Benfica. The Daily Mirror tells us that the Scot also intends splurging £35m on Ajax's Luis Suarez. That may sound like an unfeasibly large spending spree for a club whose debts are so heavy the dear-departed Dio could have appeared on their soundtrack, but a lucrative exodus will help fund the swoops: out will go Ben Foster (Birmingham), Dimitar Berbatov (Bayern Munich, Hamburg, Milan, Sevilla, take your pick), Nani (Marseille, Benfica, Sunderland, Villarreal), Anderson (Benfica) and Darren Fletcher (Sunderland, Aston Villa, Newcastle).

That all sounds quite neat, eh? Ah, but that's only if everything goes to United's plan or, to be precise, only if United are not outbid for Di Maria by Manchester City, who will turn their attention to the Argentinian if they fail to nab Franck Ribery.

Liverpool are confident that City see no further use for Stephen Ireland but are growing increasingly concerned that Arsenal might, especially if Cesc Fabregas goes back to Barcelona. Arsene Wenger also plans to prise Jack Rodwell from Everton and Scott Parker from West Ham – and the latest goalkeeper to be linked with a move to the

Emirates is Mark Schwarzer. Every time you hear Gareth Southgate sounding reasonable from ITV's gantry, balance that by remembering he is the man who let Schwarzer leave Middlesbrough for free.

Fulham are favourites to sign Carlton Cole from West Ham, who will replace him with Everton striker Yakubu. Meanwhile at Stoke, Tony Pulis will offload James Beattie on Coventry City and Dave Kitson on Wolves,then celebrate by recruiting England's Emile Heskey.