Life in the Banana Patch

A collection of thoughts and asides about life. And if I think of anything that needs to be mocked, it will show up here.

"If a man is offered a fact which goes against his instincts, he will scrutinize it closely, and unless the evidence is overwhelming, he will refuse to believe it. If, on the other hand, he is offered something which affords a reason for acting in accordance to his instincts, he will accept it even on the slightest evidence. The origin of myths is explained in this way."--Bertrand Russell

Saturday, March 26, 2005

My Austin Apartments - Part 1

My first apartment in Austin was on William Cannon Blvd, almost in Manchaca. I had a third floor apartment with a delightful view of a bowling alley parking lot.

This apartment complex was of the "Make it Hard for Them to Move Out" school: Narrow staircases and sharp turns. But there were lots of old oak trees on the property and an HEB was right across the street.

Being on the top floor, I didn't have anyone stomping around on top of me. However, the people in the next apartment were very noisy. Our bedrooms shared a wall, and they had squeaky bed springs. And, oh yes, she was a screamer.

I remember one particular night, it must have been an anniversary or something. They started in about 7 pm. Several orgasms and hours later, about 11 pm, I think, God arrived, because she kept talking to him. "oh, God! Oh, God! Oh, Gaaahhhhd!"

Thursday, March 24, 2005

I work for a guesthouse and bed and breakfast reservation service. I am constantly amazed at the number of people (mostly women) who spend two days examining every available property available for their one night stay. You would think they're buying the houses, or their burial plots.

These last few weeks have been particulary difficult, because we keep getting calls that go like this:

ME: How many people?
THEM: We need two rooms.
ME: How many people?
THEM: We want a place in the country with sweeping, panoramic views. We don't want anyone on the property (We don't want to see anyone), and we want a full breakfast.
ME: Well, if you want a full breakfast, someone has to go out there and serve it.
THEM: Oh! We don't want that!

The last few days, we've been getting these calls:

THEM: I want a place with a whirlpool tub. Romantic. You know?
ME: Great! I've got this and this.
THEM: Great! There will be me and my spouse and our three kids.
ME (thinking):Would you like all the kids' beds in a circle around the whirlpool tub?

And my favorite exchange:

ME: The price is $100 a night for two, and $20 for each additional person.
THEM: You CHARGE for CHILDREN?
ME: Yes.
THEM: The Holiday Inn doesn't.
ME (thinking): Then call the freakin' Holiday Inn!

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

Here's why I hate class action lawsuits. Creative Labs settled a class action lawsuit for mislabelling their soundcards. People who bought the soundcards are able to get $62.50 off their next creative purchase. Sounds cool, right?

"Meanwhile, the lawyers who helped inflict this savage punishment on Creative
will get up to $470,000 for their work, it seems. Interestingly, the three
individuals who originally filed the complaint receive a mere $1000 to $3000
for all their trouble."

Tuesday, March 22, 2005

Back in the late 70s, while waiting for the new Star Trek movie to come out, I watched Battlestar Galactica. I also subscribed to Starlog Magazine. One one issue, had to be in my Junior year, I guess, there was an ad for a replica Colonial Warrior jacket. I don't remember how much it cost, I thought it was like $20, but my cousin who also bought one thought it was $60. I wore it to school and I wore it to college until I outgrew it. For tewnty years it's been hanging in my closet.

Every once in a while I would take it out, gaze at it and get all natsukashii, as they say in Japan, or nostalgic about it.

Monday, March 21, 2005

I get at least one credit card application a day at home. Today at work, I got an application for a company card! Apparently, these folks aren't checking with my current credit card lendors.

I particularly enjoy those "Pre-approved" applications. They always have fine print that says "Upon credit approval. . ." What was I pre-approved for? Receiving the offer?

I also get one to three applications for a home equity loan to pay off my debts. I don't own a home! I have always wanted to fill out the form, send it in and see what would happen. Would they stop mailing me?

Sunday, March 20, 2005

One of the principles of controlling finances is cutting expenses. I think we can agree on that. One of my biggest expenses is groceries.

My mother has a shopping theory that includes buying store brands as oftern as possible. She says she doesn't spend as much, but I think the quality of the food isn't as good as a name brand. The local HEB brand green beans often include stems. I know that often the name brand company often packages the store brands, but I'd be willing to bet that their brand gets the better product. Why else would the store brand be cheaper?

And don't even try to tell me that the store brand macaroni and cheese is as good as Kraft's. I know better.

While I understand mom's logic, I also try to buy brand names for another reason: Peoples' jobs depend on it. When I worked at RJR, we sold Premium cigarettes, generic cigarettes, sub-generic cigarettes and house brand or sub-sub-generic cigarettes. At one sales meeting, one of the reps was smoking Doral, our generic. The regional VP picked up the pack, crushed it, and reminded her that we made money on full price smokes. From that moment on, she smoked Winston.

About Me

Jeff Holt was born in Brownwood, Texas, a seventh generation Texan, and Thirteenth generation American.

He has lived in Fredericksburg, Texas, most of his life. He graduated from Fredericksburg High School in 1980, Nagasaki Weslyan Junior College in Isahaya, Japan in 1985, Schreiner College (now University) in 1987, and University of Texas Graduate School in 1989.