Thursday, 29 May 2008

After a thorough investigation into the latest online poker cheating scandal, Ultimate Bet today released a statement outlining what happened and how they were going to prevent future cheating on their site.

It turns out that some evil programmers had installed a big pop-up box saying 'Would You Like To See Opponents Hole Cards?' with a Yes / No button underneath. Going on to give you a slider for 'Amount Of Free Money Required?'.Staff in both the support and IT departments were said to have missed the security breach completely as they were too busy enjoying using the inbuilt 'Doom Switch' on any player who won a couple of hands in a row and drinking Miller Light.In response to the scandal UB have agreed to pay back money stolen from accounts and to install a brand new computerised security system.

This will use the latest micro-transistors, and advanced calculus in order stop anyone with even a small amount of computer knowledge helping themselves to fists full of completely free cash.

"Computers are said to be the latest weapon in the fight against cheating and could one day completely replace Human beings just like in the Matrix" a spokesman said yesterday, adding "once we load up the defence shield software the computer will send a virus to anyone who attempts to join our server, left untreated this will mutate into a clone of Phil Helmuth who will chase you naked around the house while flapping his jowel".

Making it clear that it was safe to come back to UB, the spokesman said... 'Why not join our $20k gtd tonight at 8pm won by.... oops"