TIM WILDMON: Antler spray captures talk

My lovely and talented wife Alison and I have reached the point in our marriage where we can both read the newspaper still be secure in our relationship. In fact, we both read and then exchange “hey, listen to this,” comments. On Monday I read to her part of a story from the sports section where professional golfer Greg Norman was commenting on the need for drug testing in light of the recent revelation by Vijay Singh that he was doping. Then I quoted to Alison: “Singh acknowledged in a magazine interview in January that he had used deer antler spray, which contains a muscle-building-hormone banned by the PGA Tour.”
Alison peers over her librarian reading glasses at me. “Go back to the…”
“Deer antler spray,” I said, reading her mind like long-time married people do. “How do you ingest deer antler spray,” I asked.
At this point she took her hand and simulated spraying into it. “Sprays into his mouth I guess,” she said.
“You mean to tell me a man takes deer antler spray and shoots into his mouth to help his golf game?” I said. “Seriously.”
“Crazy world,” she said, “Listen to this.”
“What you got?”
“A girl was driving drunk on McCullough, she hit another car, the police showed up so she ran into the woods half-naked.”
“Uh huh…”
“So then, and I quote, ‘Medics checked with the suspect (the drunk girl) and attempted to treat the suspect, but she refused treatment and refused to go to the hospital. … Officers requested she do tests, but she refused. She was placed under arrest and transported to the Lee County jail. She attempted to give a sample, but then said she was ‘not blowing anymore.’”
“Well, I’m going with the hospital over the jail,” I reasoned. “Police offered her a sweet deal there.”
Alison turned the page. I looked back at the paper as did she and a couple of minutes of silence went by.
“Hey, listen to this,” I broke the silence. “A proposed law introduced in the California Legislature would allow public school children to use bathrooms designated for members of the opposite sex, if that students’ ‘gender identity’ differed from the student’s biological sex.”
Again, she looks over her paper at me, slides her glasses down to the tip of her nose.
“So kids can pick the restroom they want to go to, based on if they feel like they are a boy or girl on that particular day?”
“Yeah,” I said. “You got a problem with that? Are you a bigot?”
“They just better be glad I don’t live in California with kids in school.”
“I don’t think you would make it in California. You aren’t very tolerant of kids with gender identity issues.”
“No, I’m not.”
“Crazy world, isn’t it?”
“Sucking down deer antler spray. Wow.”
“Insane.”
Community columnist TIM WILDMON is a Lee County resident. He is president of the American Family Association, but the column represents his personal opinion unless otherwise noted. Contact him at twildmon@afa.net.