Oh boy. What is this buffoon even talking about anymore?! Remember when America pretended that AIDS didn’t exist as we found ourselves mired in the Iran-Contra Affair? That Coke commercial aired during the 1980 Super Bowl. Is he seriously arguing that America was a better place in 1980? Well, he might as well, because that is going to be like nothing compared to his completely incomprehensible FAN FICTION about going to a high school house party. “They promised me they would get me home to my mommy, but now I smell like pot even though I didn’t do anything wrong.” Classic party talk. To be fair to Glenn Beck, even though I do not understand his metaphor, since it seems to suggest that everyone was having a blast during the economic boom of the housing bubble when in reality the economic stratification of the population got way worse, and the people currently suffering the most are those who were lured in by predatory lending practices devised by billionaires, I do believe that that is what he thinks a party is. A place you’re begrudgingly invited by people who don’t like you, where promises are broken because no one wants to take the crybaby home at 10:30.

“Beck – who has the sort of rubbery, chucklesome face that should ideally be either a) cast as the goonish sidekick in a bad frat house sex comedy or b) painted on a toilet bowl so you could shit directly on to it – has become famous for crying live on air, indulging in paranoid conspiracy theorising, and labelling Obama a “racist” with “a deep-seated hatred for white people or white culture”.”

Also, this is deeply disturbing that Glenn Beck is using commercials — necessarily abstractions and really falsifications of reality — as examples of America’s good old days. TV represents America now? Advertising is a copy of a copy of something romanticized and barely based in reality. It doesn’t really represent anything other than the false ideals ad executives exploit to sell us something.
America never had any good old days where people where “united on some basic things.” Like what? States’ rights and slavery? Civil rights? Women’s suffrage? No? Goddamn you, Glenn Beck, you giant retarded manbaby.

Hmm, I have a Glenn Beck story so why not share it here. About a month ago I ate lunch with some people, one of them an ice cream mogul! Anyways this ice cream mogul informed me of two things, one personal the other some real world knowledge. The first was that he loved Glenn Beck. The second was that black people call each other niggers but we’re (incredulously) not allowed to call them that. Not to stereotype all Glenn supporters but remember the good ol’ days?

Oh Glenn Beck. I can empathize about crying at commercials. I have been weeping at the Where the Wild Things Are trailer for months, and reminiscing about how things were better back in the 80s, when I was 5, and most of my problems were solvable by hot chocolate and my mom reading me a story, and my biggest responsibility was to be home for dinner and to make sure to wash my hands after playing in the mud.

So, I guess what I am saying, Glenn Beck, is that I can ask my mom to bring you hot cocoa and Green Eggs and Ham. But she’s a busy lady, so I make no promises.

when exactly was this better time where we were all united? American history is a story of conflict, not unity. He should learn a little something about the country he loves so much it. But I guess facts really aren’t his thing.

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