Month: December 2016

My loves, Someone asked me Why am I being so vocal about mothers staying home…Why is this message so needful?

The reason is simple. There is no more effective way to transform a society than at the level of the maternal-child relationship.

Every man and every woman was once a child. A baby. And the role of the mother in developing the child is immeasurable. She can only truly understand this from the space of connecting with herself deeply and parenting from there.

For too long we have attempted to get our society and communities to do what is OURS to do. We have made them (this nebulous undefinable “them” ) responsible for our children’s formation. We have tried to give the responsibility for our children’s sense of safety, self-esteem, fairness, kindness, self-image, connection, etc to external forces beyond our control.

Don’t misunderstand my love. This is NOT about blaming mothers… This is about understanding the amazingly powerful and irreplaceable role of a mother so we can reclaim not the title, but the ability to inhabit the space.

Let’s introduce the Alchemy… in the modern world, we are only taught how to have the Form. We are not taught how to BE the Function, and thus we deny and are denied the power, the potency of the position. This creates not mothers but Maidens with children, regardless of age. Not wives but girlfriends with rings. Not wise elders but people who have survived long enough to be merely senior citizens. With great power comes great responsibility. With each Age or Period of life comes a Power and a Responsibility. This power and responsibility is something so ineffable it can not be described in a way for you to understand it. You must experience it. It goes beyond the intellect and far beyond the qualifiers of measurements based on the right amount of hours for XYZ activities.

If a mother is still enough… Quiet enough… She can feel it within herself… The quiet voice of mother wit. She knows and she’s always known. That’s why she’s frustrated and frazzled.
She can not do it all.
She’s not supposed to, no one is.
She just needs to do her part.

My loves,
If mothers really knew the power of being at home they’d all flee the workplace like it was on fire.

There’s such deep alchemy there.
Open
Your
Eyes

Let me say, my love, … unpartnered mamas… If you want to be home with your children it is possible you just have to first connect with the desire and then get creative and think outside the box.

The idea that you have to hustle, work two and three jobs etc., etc.; is simply not the ONLY way. For those who are consciously choosing that… This message isn’t for you. For those who feel like you can’t do anything else… If you started planning now, you could be doing something way different within a year.

I talk a lot about women being adrenalized and about Stress being a Femininity antagonist.

Stress and adrenaline addiction is a thing, darlings. Here are the signs that you’re addicted…

1. You’re defensive about it. If when the idea of stress comes up or getting rid of stress and getting out of adrenaline you feel the need to justify why your particular brand of stress is indeed “okay” or “not that bad” or “unavoidable”

2. You think you’re fooling people into believing you’re not stressed. You fudge (lie) about spending time in meditation, resting, or doing other activities when in reality you’re doing the same stress filled actions all the time.

3. You blame your stress on external things/people, yet even when they are out of the picture or the situation changes you still find ways to be stressed out.

4. You find yourself wondering why you can’t get rid of your stress, or if you have too much stress? You seek out stress relievers but you don’t use them or only use them occasionally.

5. You spend a great deal of your time in fight, flight, or freeze. Your default response to people or conversation is to avoid them, to say nothing or to argue.

6. You feel guilty about the amount of stress you carry or about your responses to others pretty frequently. You constantly promise yourself to “do better”, “relax more”.

7. The idea of doing nothing sounds good, but when the time comes you find things to do or feel bad about not doing anything.

8. You judge others who seem relaxed and vulnerable. Or you think that’s awesome for them, but YOU could never do that.

9. You see yourself as a nice, gentle person if only these things weren’t happening to make you act like this, unfortunately, you “act like this” all the time.

10. You see people talking about Stress as not being good for you as a form of shaming or entitlement.

11. You have been told by a medical provider to lower your stress but have not done so. You are on medication due to a stress-related illness but still have not lowered it.

12. You have developed habits that do not benefit you in an attempt to deal with your stress or adrenalized state- drinking, smoking, etc.

We live in a country that places a high value on alone-ness and independence.

My loves, do you realize how dysfunctional this is? Most of us don’t because we have been fed this as an ideal our entire lives.

Understand… this permeates our society and yet every ailment that plagues us can be traced back to this belief…

The belief that being alone is some sort of badge of honor and strength and independence is freedom.

Understand that these beliefs are the source code for – narcissism, depression, a disconnect between actions and outcomes, racism, sexism, family destruction, and devaluation of others to name a few.

When you are fed this belief you see interconnection as oppression, natural consequences as punishment, you actually separate from the experiences that have the opportunity to bring you the greatest joy and satisfaction.

Consider this… Outside of times of devotion to a specific path of spiritual actualization and devotion… You don’t find this as a lifestyle ANYWHERE. Not culturally or anthropologically.

It is the true first world problem. And it’s an amazingly easy one to fix because it requires no groups, no legislation, no funding.

Many feminine women don’t know how to tell when they are in their Feminine Essence versus trying to put on Masculine essence.

Here’s an easy way to tell-

When Masculinity is being expressed (open stance, loud voices, etc) or embodied by men… How do you feel?

When you feel unsafe, hostile, combative, competitive, a desire to run away or shrink… You’re in Masculine.

When you’re in Feminine Essence you will feel safe and protected in that same scenario.

This is because your “masculine” is never alpha to his. When you as a feminine woman inhabit masculine space you can only be omega to his. As omega, a fight or flight response is triggered in the presence of an alpha.

In your feminine, this doesn’t occur because there is NO COMPETITION.

This is part of why I say Feminine Women (inhabiting femininity) feel wonderful in the presence of men, and find great comfort there.

This is the shaming of men for all the elements of them that are distinct and often misunderstood and judged by women.

Man-shaming is a big deal. It’s pervasive, cruel and driven by a combination of ignorance, anger, and fear.

Man-shaming causes a huge internal chasm in the Masculine psyche and emotional bodies in part because of the innate need that the Masculine holds to be willingly accepted and received by the Feminine.

All healthy men have this.

Some examples of man shaming:
* Calling men dogs, thirsty, or perverts
* Making fun of men for their interest in you.
* Calling men unworthy, not deserving, or not on your level
* Demanding men communicate with softer voices, less directness, and more uncertainty.
* Negative bias against masculine physical characteristics such as an open stance, taking up more space, direct gaze, and leading with chest energy.
* considering any male attention non-consensual
* Making fun of male sexual interest and desire
* Denying men their humanity by harshly judging their faults, mistakes, and errors.

My loves… Please just… stop.

That man you’re shaming… Is a god.
The masculinity you shame is an element of divinity.
Holy.
Sacred.
Needful by you.
Even if you don’t realize it.

We can’t be whole without each other, that includes men.

Love,

P.S – If you’d like a sacred container to hold you, love you, accept you as you Transform – I invite you to join: http://tinyurl.com/GetSOFT