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January 11, 2016

no more!

there's something I'd like to change back to how it was in my blog before.

over time a number of you've read things I wrote about my personal life. Something I never did before that, or ever intended to do. I would normally never have felt the need for that either (it had been my life for many years and nothing new), or to mention/remind that I made something a long time ago when shown something in times I hadn't been able to make anything or whatever*.

the only need I've had at first and for quite a while was to show what I'm very passionate about & whatever I'd been able to make and have always been so very proud of. It had always been enough for me to know how incredibly special that was and why.
that I started doing that after a while, was because I felt I had to as a result of some issues with a number of people close to me who also knew about this blog; too many (huge) misunderstandings about me being able to do anything, incorrect stubborn assumptions from what they think I meant or thought they knew, silent or not so silent reproaches, not believing what I said, not trusting my judgement and/or choices or what they mean etc. All of which I had not been able to get clear or understood any other way and when reading my blog would only lead to more of that.

and some have done things that you just don't do, EVER. Not even with the best intentions, which is the ongoing excuse... It hurts and betrayed my trust, a lot.

when one such things came out recently it has reminded me however (once again) that my intuition is fine: when I feel somethings off, it is, even if I can't explain (yet) how or why! I'm inclined to dismiss it and explain it positively and have done so with many things the past years, after at some point asking but not getting any or clear answers. But most often decided to leave it whatever it meant and simply chose not to letit ruin my joy! But at a point did feel the need to explain things..

and too many things kept piling up and when checking some of them (for instance weird things related to this blog) just to make sure I had to be wrong, I found things. Details that whoever had interfered with it, didn't know or think about (understandably). Those details unfortunately confirmed my feelings were right and something shady was going on. The 'funny' thing was also when I had mentioned it to someone one of those things that confirmed my feelings, was back to normal almost immediately after... (after being not normal consistently for a couple of months). More blogrelated and otherwise strange things has been going on for quite a while longer and all of it has been (more and more) the reason why I felt I had to explain things or add certain information here.

I hated that, because it's NOT me... but what I've let myself become in part, I know that's my share in all of it. And although I fully understand why and don't blame myself for that, I do feel a little ashamed for letting others get to me like that.

sooooo.. and that's the reason for this post, important to me to express and remind myself of: NO MORE. I will no longer explain or justify myself in whatever way to anyone who cares about me, but doesn't know what's going on because they choose to deny it, draws wrong conclusions about me or anything for whatever reason. Or choose to only see/hear what they want to see/hear, no matter how I've tried to explain things directly. Which is also about them, not me! So from now on I will again show what I can show without information to those only to explain why possible or whatever. And I'm sorry to all of you who got 'treated' to all of the unneeded/unwanted or even annoying info in the process.

I'm immensly proud of what I do and that is - and should be - it! And from this day forward this blog will again just be about miniatures!

*the details of my daily life in one of my inspirational posts has
had the true purpose of inspiring I suddenly thought of, to enforce what
I was saying about possibilities

Oh Monique, I don't know anything about you except via your blog but I do know about chronic illness. People will only see what they want to see. Live each day as well as you can and find things to be happy about and leave the nasty people behind. Keep sharing your amazing creations, you give happiness to others when you share!

thank you Susan, and you're right, I understand you have first hand experience.. It's sad isn't it.. I do, I've always done that too, I was very aware of not letting it ruin my fun and it hasn't really. Except for the need to explain things, that was just not me and didn't feel right. I will, happily so, thank you so much for your compliment!

Hello Monique,I'm glad you have reached this state of mind. I don't think the problem is what we say, the problem is what people hear, or choose to hear, or want to hear. Humanity has a terrible habit of always reading into things and many people love reading between the lines, even when there is no between the line. I've learnt that people are always going to judge you, either in a good or a bad way, so to hell with explaining yourself. I only explain myself to a handful or people. enjoy your new found freedom!Big hugGiac

Thank you Giac for your wise words, you are so right with what you say! The 'stupid' thing is I know this and have known this, but I guess I just haven't been able to get my head around it/accept it and always have had and kept faith in logic and reason. A bit too much apparantly with some folks ;). I will enjoy it for sure, thanks!

Dear Monique, I agree with Eleanor Roosevelt.... one of the most wonderfully Wise women of the last century! Be yourself and just Shine as you are! If others can't, or won't see it, that is their problem! Do not stoop to their level, and no, you owe nobody any explanations ever! It is a skill that has to be learned, not letting others' opinions "get" to you, but it makes life much more enjoyable!Your creative genius is what matters in this mini world.... and you always astonish Me with your fantastic work!!! I hope you will keep your spirits up and continue to make many more "fabulous" miniatures!!!

thank you dear and it's what I've been able to do for a long time and will again and I agree. And for the most part I've been able not to let others opinions get to me and even when it got real bad I still could, but at a certain point it was just too much... and I reached a breaking point so to speak. But like I said, no more! :DAnd thanks again for your wonderful compliment, means a lot to me! I will, it's just been 2 days of being really mad and sad and then it was already thinking about mini-scenes again, making me happy! Haven't been able to do anything real, but have even been able to do a teensy bit of something and I'm working on that to become much more, can't wait, have too many fun ideas that made their way into my head the past couple of weeks :D

I have no idea what transpired but the fact that you even felt you had to write this post has me shocked! I'm so sorry this has happened and yes, it is liberating. I'm scratching my head in amazement at what some people will apparently stoop to. I love your minis!

Hello Monique, I've only been following your blog for a short time so I don't really know anything about you except for your incredible, talented gorgeous projects. I'm sorry you've been so hurt. Put the nasty stuff behind you and remember - You don't have to explain or apologise to anyone. Polly x

Hi Polly, thanks for your comment, sweet of you. And you're right and have been able to for a long time, but at one point just didn't know how to anymore because the criticism and reproaches were too much and unfair. But I'm pretty good at putting nasty stuff behind me (would appreciate to get more answers and some sincere apologies though), if I couldn't there would not be a blog or any mini's, I can assure you! :D Thanks again and I'll be showing more of the good stuff very soon I hope!

Dear Monique,I'm so sorry to read this post - but also happy, because it needs courage to write these words. Just feel good with yourself - and I know you're working on this in every way. And trust your heart - always.HugsAndrea