April 11, 1983 was the definitive day in Dave Mustaine's professional life. As lead guitarist and contributing songwriter for an up-and-coming thrash metal band called Metallica, he had been living out his dream of making a living at playing metal for over a year and a half. Like many at the time, he was also beginning to sense that his band was something truly special, a ferociously talented foursome that had the potential to go where no metal band had gone before. A musical virtuoso with unlimited ambition, Mustaine's eyes were fixed on the future, but he was badly neglecting the present. A problem with drinking and drugs, owed in part to a rootless childhood, had plagued him for years, and as success drew closer his reckless behavior increased and lines were crossed. No one knows what the final straw really was, but on the morning of April 11, while Metallica was in N.Y.C. on business, Mustaine was awoken by singer James Hetfield and unceremoniously handed a Greyhound ticket home to L.A. He was out of Metallica, without so much as a warning.

He spent the next four days in hell, traveling from N.Y.C. to L.A. by bus without a dollar to his name, bumming bags of chips off of seatmates and wondering how his dreams had vanished into smoke. Despair and heartbreak couldn't stifle his talent, though. Reading a handbill about nuclear war he picked up in a Greyhound station, he noticed a catchy phrase: "The arsenal of megadeath He began scribbling lyrics on the back of a muffin wrapper, and by the time he was deposited in L.A., he had a new mission: to rise from the ashes and form the fastest, most savage metal band of all time. Twenty-seven years later, Megadeth has earned its reputation as a pioneering metal band, one with landmark platinum records like Rust in Peace, Countdown to Extinction, and Youthanasia and one that can (and frequently has) shared a bill with those other metal godfathers, Metallica. SuicideGirls recently called up Mustaine to discuss his new autobiography Mustaine: A Heavy Metal Memoir, and discovered that age, success, and a newfound devotion to Christianity haven't mellowed him in the slightest.

Ryan Stewart: I like your hotel's answering machine. It told me to have an inspired day.

Dave Mustaine: An inspired day? It should say to have an infused morning!

RS: I thought maybe we could start with something fun, instead of the dark stuff. Can you talk a little about Megadeth groupies, back in the day? What they were like in terms of quality and supply?

DM: Well, I'm not really sure that I want to go too deep into that question. We all had relationships with people when Megadeth started. You can't really speak for what's in the audience, and as far as what was backstage, I didn't really keep track of what was going on with the other guys. I had a girlfriend named Diana for a long time and I've been married to Pam for twenty years. I'm sure that there was a lot to choose from, but my whole thing was really playing music and being loud and obnoxious and I wasn't really the big romantic type.

RS: There's a passage in the book, though, where you talk about how bandmates can sometimes bond through the sharing of groupies.

DM: That was way, way back when Nick (Menza) was in the band. That was back when we were all single. That particular story that you're referring to was at a time period when we were the Rust in Peace lineup and we were all single still.

RS: It's hard for me to even keep track of the lineup, so many changes over the years. Do you feel like you've missed out on anything by not keeping a consistent lineup, even if it's just the camaraderie of long-time collaborators?

DM: Nope. Go ask any athlete if they liked having somebody who didn't give 100 percent to the game on their team. If they have a different vision than you, then they obviously can't give 100 percent because their vision is going to be looking elsewhere. And I'm not saying anything about the band members that have been with us in the past; if they've had a change in their vision where they don't want to go where we want to go, then obviously we're going in two different directions and it's not going to work. It's my band, I'm the leader, and that's what this whole thing is based off of. It wasn't based on "Let's all get together and see what the common thread is that we all have. It was something I wanted to do and these guys joined me. And I've been really fortunate to have some really talented people playing with us. And when Marty [Friedman] got in the band he wanted us to become a pop band and we turned ourselves inside out to make that little dude happy, but in the long run, even after Cryptic Writings, even after Risk, as melodic as Risk was, he wanted it to still be more alternative. And I said "I can't do this. It's not inside of me, Ryan, to write a record that's more melodic than Risk. That one was as deep-reaching as I could go. Believe it or not, it's easier to write songs that are less melodic than songs that are more melodic. When you're writing something that's melodic, you've got to have something that resonates with a lot of people and it's a lot harder to find that simpler melody that's gonna make people say "Oh yeah, I like that melody. So, there were people in the past that would have different visions, and we just went different ways. It doesn't mean we don't care about each other. Some of us are still friends, some of us ain't. That's the way the cookie crumbles.

RS: Do you feel like, particularly in recent years, you've sort of let new bandmates know up front that it's your thing and they need to be on board with that?

DM: (long pause) HmmmI hope I can get you to recalibrate, because it's really not about me pushing people around. I want to help you have a good interview, and the thing with me telling people whose band it is and stuff like thatthat's all unnecessary when you have people who you treat with dignity and respect. Everybody knows who the quarterback is, and I'm not like that. Unfortunately, a lot of people have this perception of who I am that's the same as who I think you think you're talking to. But that's not how I do business. The point about the musical direction is that if you're going in two different directions, you're gonna rip in the middle. We've tried to the best of our ability to accommodate everybody. The biggest culprit out of everything has been me needing to say no when I should've, and I didn't. We even had the record company telling us "Change your logo, cut your hair, wear flannel, and grow facial hair. And we're like "Whaaaat? You wouldn't really know all those things unless you were there, and if I say, "Hey, Ryan, this is what was going on you might say "Well, you were Megadeth, so why couldn't you say anything? and it's because we couldn't. It doesn't matter. Even if you are Megadeth, they don't give a shit. You'd have to be Guns n' Roses! (laughs)

RS: Has it ever threatened to become more business than pleasure?

DM: Yeah, that's why I did the MD.45 project, because it was becoming all about songwriting and percentages and publishing. If you saw in the beginning how we did songwriting splits, you wrote the music or you wrote the lyrics. If you co-wrote the music you would get 25 percent and the other guy would get 25 percent and then whoever wrote the lyrics would get the other 50 percent. And then melody came into play, and it started getting divided from quarters into eights and sixteenths, and it was like, ugh, God. Yeah, it lost its fun. And that's when we parted ways with everybody and I just figured that I would go solo, but then EMI told me "We love the fact that you're going to go solo, but until you give us this last Megadeth record we own you. So, the record that was called The System Has Failed was actually supposed to have been my first solo record, and during the middle of the record I found out I couldn't release it as a solo record, so I went "Okay, it's a Megadeth record. And I called up the guys and asked if they wanted to get back together and play and it didn't work out. Of course, Nick (Menza) came and tried out with us, but he made a pretty bad mistake. We had Shawn Drover on the phone because we had called him up as a drum tech for Nick this is a funny story and Glen, Shawn's little brother was playing guitar for us, and Nick doesn't think about what he's saying. So, Shawn's on the phone and we say "Hey, Shawn, we want to talk to you about being a drum tech and remember that Nick got Chuck Behler's position by being the drum tech and Chuck got Gar Samuelson's position by being a drum tech, and Shawn was gonna be Nick's drum tech! And he ended up getting Nick's gig, and here's how: He goes "I want to fucking know your name! I'm sorry for swearing. But anyway, I was like "Oh my God, are you kidding me?" And I looked at Glen and Glen took me outside and he goes "I can't play with this guy and I said "I know, I've already fired him once before myself.

RS: It seems like you run a tight, no-nonsense ship all around, business-wise. The band's official website is very sophisticated. In the book you talk about understanding the power of the Internet early on, and getting a presence on there.

DM: We tried to, we wanted to make sure the fans had a fun place to come to. A lot of our fans were younger and we wanted them to go to a place where they would have a sense of community. That's one of the things that was really great about the heavy metal business in the beginning: you would go somewhere and meet up and everybody would hang out together and there was a sense of community. And I really like the way the Internet has been able to transcend the state lines, you know? You can hang with people from different cities. I don't know how old you are, but when I started we were still using cassettes and shit like that, and when you wanted to talk to people it was by mail or telephone, certainly not by email.

RS: I'm 32, and my few-years-older brother and uncle were big Megadeth fans back in the day, as well as just angry young kids. Do you still connect to kids like that, who are in trouble, or just angry at their parents and/or the world?

DM: Yeah, I can say that I totally identify with them. It's like that Steve Martin movie from a long time ago where he was a pastor and he says: "Who better to talk to someone struggling with pornography, addiction, prostitutes,whatever it was that he was naming off. The point is I've been down all of those roads and I know the ups and downs of every one of those things. It's easier for me to go up to someone who is struggling and say "Dude, look, I know as opposed to saying "Well, I've never done that myself, but It's like explaining an orgasm to a virgin. You can't tell someone who has never gotten loaded what it's like to stay sober. Unless you've been strung out and you've experienced how hard it is to stay sober, you won't know. It's the same thing with any kind of disease or any kind of addiction problems.

RS: Did your drug use develop out of a genuine need to self-medicate, or was it partially borne out of a desire to live up to a metal image?

DM: Well, I didn't have a lot of emotional pain in the beginning what I felt was a lot of emotional relief. There was a lot of feeling like an outsider and just feeling like you didn't quite fit in. I went to a school in Huntington Beach called Green High School and there were two ways in and out of the high school there were two bridges that went around this water aqueduct around the school, which we called the moat and there was a third way to get into the school, but you couldn't take a car across, it was just a walkway that we called the bridge, and that was where all the stoners went. And I could go up to that bridge and fit in, no matter what I was wearing or what I looked like. It was just the way of life there, and I remember thinking: Wow, this is so pressure-free.' With my mom and dad's divorce struggles and us moving so much, it was always another school, another school, another school, you know? I had to figure out a quick way to meet people and get past that initial barrier, or else I was going to spend the rest of my life being a loner and I didn't want to do that. So, I learned some fast and hard rules of how to meet people.

RS: Michael Jackson's parents were also Jehovah's Witnesses, like yours, and he sort of escaped into music. Did you ever feel a kinship with him because of that?

DM: [laughs] You fucker. Oh my God. No! I guess I can tell you this much: when I found out that they were practicing Jehovah's Witnesses I felt the same thing that I felt when I heard that Prince was, which was just sadness, kind of, knowing what I went through. But to each his own, you know? If you're cool having a little kid who goes out and knocks on doors and taking them away from sleeping in and watching cartoons to try to push magazines, then more power to you. I hated it. Unless your kid really has, like, a calling to do thatI mean, I know that we're supposed to bring up our own children and stuff like that, but you have to think about the serial killer in all of us, you know what I mean? [laughs] And going back to what you said earlier about being able to identify with angry people, if you go up to anybody and piss them off enough, they are going to retaliate. That's just human nature: it's all about What is your breaking point?' And I've been able to galvanize myself to a degree, from what I was before. A lot of people got off on me going crazy on people. It's like that poor bastard Riki Rachtman -- in a weird way I think even he liked it when I used to make fun of him. And it wasn't that I liked making fun of people, it was just kind of a shtick, you know? But the problem is that I wasn't a comedian, I was a musician, and it came off as very believable. I didn't have any ill will towards that guy, I barely even know him.

RS: Did you ever lose anything important that you attribute to drugs?

DM: Yes, a lot of things. My job in Metallica. I also died once. I've had a lot of friends that I've lost. And there's a lot of credibility that you lose in the face of doing that. I also lost a lot of respect with my son. I remember one day when that Behind the Music thing came out you don't really think about this when you're doing it, but when that Behind the Music came out some kids cornered my son on the bus and started saying "Your dad's a crackhead, your dad's a crackhead! And I was like "Yeah, and I'm gonna crack your dad's head! You know? [laughs] And I hadn't thought about that, but it made me start to really reflect on my behavior and how it was affecting my son. I don't think that a lot of parents' behavior really out-and-out affects their kids, unless they're celebrities. My son said something to me one time, Ryan, about having to live up to me, and I was like Oh, Justis, son, you don't ever have to live up to me, please don't think that.'

RS: Do you feel like Megadeth fans have been generally supportive of not only your sobriety, but also your newfound faith?

DM: Yeah. There are some people that don't like it, but they are the ones who haven't kept an open mind to things. I play better than I did before I became a Christian. I think our music is just as pertinent and relevant, and we just got done recording Rust in Peace live. I mean, hello? For anybody who thought we couldn't do it, we just did it. And I did like being unpredictable and all of that, but I think that if anybody needed to have a life-changing experience like that, it was me. I mean, do you know what you get when you sober up a drunk fucking horse thief?

RS: A horse thief?

DM: You've got a horse thief. And I was just sitting there thinking Now what?' And fortunately for me I still had my guitar, I still had my sense of humor, and I still had a pretty incredible work ethic that I wasn't going to give up, and I think that's probably what's kept us successful to the degree that we've been successful. I want the absolute best for myself, for my family, and for our fans.

RS: Has your faith realigned any of the political views you used to espouse? Do you still rock the vote? Do you still worry about war and peace?

DM: Yeah, to a degree. There has been some moving of the goalposts and stuff that you change your opinion on as you grow a little bit older. As far as me being a Democrat or a Republican, I've never been either. I've always been somebody who is in the middle. I vote for the lesser of two evils, basically. And when I did the Rock the Vote thing for MTV, I went there to represent the youth of America. I didn't go there representing Democrats, I went there to ask questions. We unfortunately don't have a lot of people who can be spokespeople for us and go and ask those hard questions and talk with these people. I mean, you'd go up and talk with some of these people and their skill is in speaking -- you'd ask them a question and they'd answer you and you wouldn't have the faintest idea what they just said.

RS: When you go out on the road these days, do you try to surround yourself with like-minded people?

DM: Well, I don't care what people do on their own. One of the work policies we have with our staff is that you can do what you want after the show, that's your business, though of course we don't tolerate any hard drug use. We have our band meetings and our band dinners and stuff like that and there is no chocolate milk being served, you know? If someone wants to drink, that's fine. We're not the sobriety police, and looking at our fan base, you know, young people like to throw back a cold one in the summertime. I used to be an alcoholic, and when I got saved I was totally set free from that whole thing. I can have a couple of glasses of wine now, but I can't handle hard liquor. I just stopped. It was a thing for me where every single day I drank Vodka or Cognac like it was going out of style. Now, the only time I drink is before I perform; I'll have a glass of wine before I go on stage, and maybe one while I'm on stage, and that's it. It's really weird to think Oh my God, I've been completely set free from this incredible bondage of drinking like this.' You know, when all you can think about is drinking, that just sucks.

RS: Is there still temptation?

DM: There's still temptation, but I know what it looks like now. It's sort of like, whose fault is it if you walk between a dog and a fire hydrant?

RS: You recently did those "Big Four shows with Metallica. Did that meet your expectations, sharing a stage and jamming with them?

DM: Well, we only did it that one day, where we jammed with them. But to be on the same venue and the same lineup and to play like that, I thought it was really rewarding on a lot of different fronts. For once, so many people there were really cognizant of the whole scene and how it started and who the players were and what their roles were. And that was great, to be able to go back in time and tell the whole story of how the West was won, basically. And it was a great feeling. I'd love to do it again. I don't know that it's in the cards, but I'm certainly open to it.

RS: What was the extent of your interaction with Lars and James? Did you share a meal?

DM: We did. That was the first night of the tour. All the bands got together and had dinner, and it was fine. And just about every night that we played, Lars would come over and visit or James would come visit, or the guys in my band would go over and visit those guys. So, yeah, we did a lot of hanging out and it was really cool.

RS: Don't take this as a combative question, like before, but in the book you sort of end on a very detailed explanation for why you declined to attend Metallica's Hall of Fame induction ceremony. Basically, you feel that your contribution was enough to be inducted with them. Did that event sort of reopen the wound?

DM: [long pause] That pregnant pause probably worried you, didn't it?

RS: Yes.

DM: I was just kidding. I think that if you really look at things for what they are, and what my role was in that band.I know what it was. And I think that the way it went down was exactly how it was supposed to take place, in order for me to go through thisseasonand just handle myself in as respectful a way as possible. It didn't feel great. I wanted to be there. I couldn't, under those circumstances. And also we were really busy at the time. And I told those guys how I felt I was proud of them. And I think that's all that really needs to be said about that.

RS: Do you think Megadeth's time will come?

DM: I would expect that it's probably going to happen, I hope so, but then again there have been things that I expected in this business that I haven't gotten. And there's been a lot of stuff that I never expected, that I have.

RS: Would you be cool with having everyone who's played with Megadeth up there?

DM: Well, unfortunately one of them is deceased so that couldn't happen. And that's a question left up to the other guys. I have nothing against them. There's been a lot of stuff that's been resolved over the years and there's been a lot of growth on a lot of people's parts, but I can't be responsible for the resentment that other people still have. I've obviously been a part of it, but if you clean up your side of the street and someone else is still sitting in their debris, you can't really do anything about that. But yeah, I think it would be fun and fine, but I don't know that there would be a lovey-dovey feeling for everybody. I certainly know that other guys in the band, Chris [Broderick] and Junior [David Ellefson] and Shawn, would love to see a lot of those guys. And I get the feeling there would be a couple of people there who would be rotten apples, but that would be okay by me because I'm willing to forgive and forget. God knows I'm not without fault for some of the stuff that happened.

RS: The Hall of Fame is pretty lenient about letting in blues artists and other distant branches of rock; do you think they'll be equally lenient in recognizing metal in years to come?

DM: I don't really know enough about the organization. I know that when it comes to metal none of the organizations in our fine country could be quite as inept as the Grammys, which gave Jethro Tull a metal award. As long as that is in the annals of history, I think the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame is pretty safe to do whatever they want.

RS: The book doesn't really dwell on the competing strands of rock that were sprouting up in the early 90s. Grunge is barely touched on, for example, even though it ultimately eclipsed metal in the popular culture.

DM: It certainly did, that's an accurate statement, but there were a lot of things that eclipsed metal! One of the cyclical things about the music business is that it's all about what it is now. There are people who want the flavor of the month and will go whichever way the wind blows, and then there's the loyal fanbase, which is usually about one tenth of whatever someone's biggest record sales are ever going to be. Unfortunately for us, with the advent of P2P file transferring and stuff like that and our fanbase being so computer savvy, we myself included do a lot of interacting on the net and trading stuff back and forth, and in some circumstances when left in the wrong hands it's been used against us, which has been unfortunate. We've figured out how to survive and continue playing music and travel and do our live performances, but sadly that's the last bastion of hope for bands, because once a fan gets their music and puts it online, the only other chance they have to survive is off of live performances and t-shirts.

RS: Your life story would be good grist for a movie, don't you think?

DM: I don't really think like that, because I know where all the bodies are buried, Ryan. [laughs] You know, I look in the mirror and I still think God, Dave, you're not living up to your potential. You could do so much better, you could help people out so much more and you're justnot living up to your potential!' I guess that's just the perfectionist in me. And there are times when I'm standing out on stage and I'll think for one split second that I'm okay and I'll crack a smile. The little boy in me will surface and he'll say that this is pretty damn cool. And I know this isn't possible, but if there was a chance that you could stand right next to me during one of those moments it would pretty damn cool for you too, because there's nothing quite the same as the feeling of having people losing their minds and screaming bloody murder for you. And there are a lot of opportunities to be able to do good things for people now, and that's what I want to do with all of this new interest and popularity. I want to take the opportunity, right now, to do something for the younger bands that didn't have a Dave type of guy who was hanging around and wanting to help people. I don't know what that's going to be, but I have a studio out in San Diego, where I live, and we're talking about putting a school in there for helping underprivileged kids, and so on and so forth. The sky is still the limit for me.