I need some advice!!

Ok, so I met this guy on an online dating site about a month ago, and then met him in person about a week and a half later, and we've been hanging out every sunday and monday since. The thing is that things are moving kinda fast, I mean, we've spent the last two sunday/mondays snuggling on the couch...he's a really good snuggler, btw, lol....not the best kisser, but that could change...and then he came over before I went to work tonight and we snuggled in my bed for a couple of hours...and no, nothing naughty went down...unfortunately...

Anywho! I was just wondering how or even if I should ask him where are relationship is at, like friends, friends with benefits, boyfriend/girlfriend... The thing is, I feel like we've known eachother for ever, but I still feel weird asking him something like that, like I don't want to scare him off, you know.... Please help!

GuestGuest

Subject: Re: I need some advice!! November 25th 2010, 6:05 am

Hey Akasha, well it's obviously down to you at the end of the day and how comfotable you are with asking that question. The fact that you're feeling uneasy about it may mean it's not the right time to ask just yet. But you really do need to find out where you stand and where the relationship is heading. I had the same thing a while ago and I didn't have the nerve to ask the guy to his face so I asked him on messenger...I'm so glad I did as it turned out we both wanted entirely different things...he wanted friends with perks and I wanted a relationship. I guess what I'm trying to say in a really long winded kind of way is that you do need to ask him but when and how is entirely up to you. If you're really worried about scaring him off try and work around it without really asking the question out right, maybe something like so what made you join that site? Or a much better question than that, it's all I could think of LOL it's too early for me...I hope some of this helped and that you get your answer soon hun I know things like this can be stressful

Hmm tough one Kash !!I would say, you've met him trough an online dating site, so like you, he's (was) looking for a companion, friend, relationship. So I think it's kind of normal to know, what he thinks and how he feels about what you're having right now.

Maybe it's not a bad idea, telling him that you feel like you've known eachother for a longtime and you feel happy with that (should make him comfortable as it is kind of a compliment) and ask him what he thinks and feels about that.A bit less 'pressure' for him compared to the 'direct approach', but I think this could trigger a conversation, which might up ending about knowing what your relationship is at.

I hope I'm making sense here ;)Anyways, have fun and I hope you find what you're looking for !!

You have to remember that men aren't the sharpest tools in the shed, and for a straight answer, it's always best to ask a straight question.

The trick is to build up enough confidence. You should know that if your desires don't exactly match, that it's his loss and that he's not worth your time. That it's no reflection on you if he doesn't want the same things you do...nor is it the end of the world. I'm sure he's lovely, but if it doesn't work out then.....oh well. The fear of asking is the fear of being rejected, if you don't care about being rejected then hard questions become easier to ask and answer :D

Men respond to confidence, even if you fake it.....they aren't terribly intelligent creatures hehe

Make it casual, like a regular question, the more emotionally charged you make the situation the more awkward it is for you and him, and the more likely he will lie to avoid an uncomfortable scene.

smac1975Member

Top Poster : Posts : 327Thanks : 88Join date : 2010-12-15

Subject: Re: I need some advice!! December 18th 2010, 7:18 am

Pistolkitten wrote:

You have to remember that men aren't the sharpest tools in the shed, and for a straight answer, it's always best to ask a straight question.(...)Men respond to confidence, even if you fake it.....they aren't terribly intelligent creatures hehe

As a man i totally agree but i need to add that, in general, men also fear commitment if things turn out to go too fast when establishing a relation that is not only phycally based... shame on us yes.

But every kind of emontional dependancy is scaring for both genders right?