I
say that like how a new student would say 'Hi my name is Blah and
my favorite color is blah." As though telling people his/her/it's
favorite color is something important. It's as if anyone would give
a fuck about Blah's favorite color but what the hell.

My
dog is a golden retriever and currently he's humping his cushion.
Dogs need sex and my dog hasn't been getting any ever since he was
born. So he takes out his frustration on a long, cylinder shaped
thing called Cece. Don't ask me why it's called Cece. I have no
fucking clue. Cece is the equivalent of a blow up doll. Dog version.
In case you're wondering, my mom bought it for him a year ago. She
thought it would be 'cute'. Fuck, thank god I'm well into my
teenage years or she'd buy me a blowup doll and call me 'cute'.

I
have a best friend too. His name's Patrick and he's as straight
as a rainbow. No I'm fucking serious. He's got a girlfriend and
everything. But he dresses, talks, and acts like he's gay. He even
cried in Aquamarine when it came out for fuck's sake. Who the hell
would cry over a fucking mermaid? Jesus. And his whole room is pink
like a five-year-old girl's. I have no idea what Christine sees in
him. Yeah, that's his girlfriend's name. She's a fucking saint,
and if I weren't gay, I'd go for her.

Yeah,
you heard right. I'm gay. Shit, should I start over?

Hi,
I'm Ryan, and I have a dog. My friend's as straight as a rainbow
and he's got a girlfriend called Christine. She's a saint, and
I'm gay.

-

AN:

Ummm…
first attempt in slash fiction. This is just a prologue. I swear I've
never used so many swear words in my entire life. Lol. XD Feedback
please?

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