Sunday, September 27, 2009

9.27.09

THANK THE LORD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I have officially made it through day 1! yippee!!!!

For whatever reason my bulimia has been making it terribly difficult for me to go a day without b/p-ing but today, I have effectively fasted!!! It only gets better from here!!!

So, today I had therapy :( and she tried to force me to talk about my past sexual abuse... I had a pretty severe panic attack with some pretty intense flashbacks and after I came too, she didn't push any longer. She said I don't have to talk about it yet and we will address it when I'm ready. What she doesn't understand is I will NEVER be ready EVER!!! I would much rather deny and repress it for the rest of my life than remember!

So anyway, after my episode I subconsciously drove home and passed out until 5:30 this afternoon. Then I went to my 'J', my bf's sister, cheer leading event which actually brought back some fond memories but mostly more that I would rather have left in my unconscious from a very sad time period... Then I went grocery shopping and made 'C' dinner a super terribly fattening pasta. It had bowtie noodles with BUTTER, garlic, and I made an Italian SAUSAGE and Italian season and herb sauce. It even smelled fattening, seriously there were over 1000 calories not to mention the FAT! I felt soooo powerful just watching him gorge and sipping my coffee :)

About Me

My life has been and is currently controlled, influenced, and dictated by my ED. This is my time to rant about my life and my now uncontrollable behaviors. I hope you enjoy and please do not take offense. I love you all and I do not wish anyone to have to experience what I have. I support you all and I appreciate your loving, caring, and supportive thoughts.
Stay strong <3