Saturday, October 31, 2015

I follow a blog called A Cup of Jo for its fashion, design and travel tips, and honest and fun discussions on relationships. Girl stuff in general. I visit at least once a week or so. And as is so often the case with many blogs, some of the best action can sometimes be found in the comment section. Love it!

Yesterday, a post titled “Do You Stalk Your Ex Online?” caught my eye because…how could it not??? If I am honest right here and now, the answer to this question is a resounding “Of COURSE I have."

Go ahead and admit it; you have too.

In the old days, stalking was an inconspicuous drive by right before curfew, or a well-timed hang up after (hopefully) hearing his voice on the [GASP] home phone. I'm not talking about the scary kind that should be taken seriously, and which I am not making light of here. But the innocent, love sick sort. Stalking was pretty simple back then.

Then some smarty pants developers had to ruin it all with the *69 callback function. And a few years later Caller ID. Darn those two telephone functions. They single handedly wiped out our once easy access to a former love bug’s “Hello. Hello. Hello?” [click]. The sound of their voice setting us back weeks. Maybe it was for our own good.

Now we have Google, and the wealth of information, both written and visual, it provides. Depending on how you look at it, it makes stalking both better and worse. Certainly more thorough. If one had the time and energy, some tech savvy to know how to properly dig, I bet you could find out more than you ever expected and maybe wanted. Am I right?

So that brings me to today.

After reading the post and more than a few of the comments, I decided for whom I wanted to stalk. I am not going to tell, but suffice it to say, I had a huge crush on this guy many, Many, MANY years ago. Thirty-one to be exact, and well before I met the man of my dreams. It lasted for quite some time too. We made out an obscene amount of times, but that's all. Wrote about him just once. (Go ahead. I’ll wait.)

Googling him procured most of what I already assumed. He’s still married to the (ugh!) girl he met when we were hanging out and good friends, lives in the same suburb in which he’s always lived, and has the same job. Oh, and a land line, and a Linkedin account (don't worry, I signed out of mine so he doesn't know). With a PICTURE!!!

I didn’t recognize him.

I read through his profile. It was him. I searched his face over and over and over looking for anything familar; a glimmer of the guy I remembered.

I don’t like this stalking business. Not at all. It’s a memory spoiler.

Wednesday, October 7, 2015

Some sort of Jazz is playing. My phone is on the speaker setting because I have been on hold now for maybe 30 minutes. Not sure though. I know I started at “You are caller number 8.” I am now caller number 2. Each time they update my caller status, they change the music. I think this is to distract me, or maybe to make it seem like time is passing faster. It is not passing faster. It is actually moving slower. You know when you get hyper aware of something? I am starting to get the tinniest bit annoyed. Now Smooth is playing by Santana, and I have always liked this song. I’m swaying a little in my seat. Feeling some groove coming on. I am playfully distracted now. But they haven’t updated my caller status in a while now that I am thinking about it. Maybe I'm number 1 caller and I don’t even know it. I kind of don’t care. So maybe their distraction tactic is working. I sort of feel panicky because any moment I am going to have to stop writing and pick up the phone real quick and engage the government. I kind of don’t want to do that now. I am no longer in the mood. But I have waited for 34 minutes so I should. If they ever pick up. The worst thing that could happen right now is my call gets dropped. I am now the number 1 caller in line. It’s kind of exciting. I am next for something. I am just trying to streamline my entry into the United States and I seem to be roadblocked. Do you sometimes forget passwords to all the things you have to have passwords for? I do. I even wrote it down and everything, which I feel is pretty good for me. Now it’s not right. What? And I am locked out of the government system. That’s why I am holding the line. I am still caller number 1. What in the world have the last 8 callers been talking about for the 39 minutes? I don’t think I want to know. I gotta go. I finally got a human on the line…