Posted
by
samzenpus
on Wednesday August 18, 2010 @05:28PM
from the scanning-your-way-around-town dept.

TheRealPacmanJones writes "Biometrics R&D firm Global Rainmakers Inc. (GRI) announced today that it is rolling out its iris scanning technology to create what it calls 'the most secure city in the world.' In a partnership with Leon, one of the largest cities in Mexico with a population of more than a million, GRI will fill the city with eye-scanners. The scanners will help revolutionize law enforcement not to mention marketing."

Mexico is a failed state well on its way to anarchy. This is a country that can't even keep its police chiefs from getting assassinated by drug cartel thugs, and they think iris scanners are going to make a damned bit of difference? Give me a break.

Here's how iris scanners can help fend off an attack. When attacked:
1. Throw an iris scanner real hard at the attacker. Don't worry if you miss, there are plenty more around you.
2. Offer an iris scanner to the attacker (should sell well on ebay)
3. Point iris scanner at the attacker and threaten to vapourize them.
4. Quickly hack into the iris database, delete attacker's identity. This will lead the attacker to question his existence and the attacker will simply implode.
5. Run! of course, iris scanner plays no role here.

"In the future, whether it's entering your home, opening your car, entering your workspace, getting a pharmacy prescription refilled, or having your medical records pulled up, everything will come off that unique key that is your iris," says Jeff Carter, CDO of Global Rainmakers. Before coming to GRI, Carter headed a think tank partnership between Bank of America, Harvard, and MIT. "Every person, place, and thing on this planet will be connected [to the iris system] within the next 10 years," he says.

BURN IN HELL, MOTHERFUCKER!

Personally, I think that a lot of this crap would just STOP if medical science would find a penis enlargement pill that actually works. Frankly, I think there are a lot of men in government and the private sector that are seriously underendowed, and have to compensate by fucking over the rest of us, as if it's our fault that Nature dealt them a ding instead of a dong.