NYC Basic Tips and Etiquette

My anger knows no fury like kind that erupts when I’m trying to exit the subway but can’t because a million people are trying to run on board. There is no iPhone 8 hidden inside, no Xbox Three Thousand or bag of Special Edition Doritos on this train, so why the hell do they need to get on it so quickly that I am physically unable to GET OFF?

I also cannot deal with ambiguous line-standers, people who talk on their phone while ordering coffee, the assholes (especially during this Polar Vortex) who hold the door open forever at restaurants, cab up-streamers, and, though at the fault of zero humans, I can’t stand building juice: the creepy drips of air conditioning-water that hit your head all summer long.

But do you know what I do love? This illustrated guide to NYC living that explains — via gif, mind you — all the tips, tools, trades and rules that it takes to get by in one very busy city. It tells you exactly how long you’ll need to hold your breath around barricades of garbage, offers an underground subway trick to escape the cold, and advises on such confusing life questions as: What can I eat that won’t stink up the L train? How long can I make out with someone in public before my bag gets stolen? How much should I spend on an umbrella? And so much more!

Some of these may seem like common sense, but if sharing it saves one individual from having to awkwardly avoid those people in Soho with a clipboard and petition to sign, so be it.

I’d like to add the often overlooked, but equally important ESCALATOR etiquette! Do not stop when you arrive at the top (or bottom) of escalator. Also, if you enjoy riding the escalator and don’t need to be anywhere at any given time, STAND on the right so others can pass you on the left.

Haha, I also have categories of people I hate in the subway, starting with those standing firmly next to the door without making the single move to allow fellow passengers to get on/off, those who read opening the full spread of their newspaper in a super crowded carriage, and even worse, those who read your newspaper above your shoulder!!!!

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Cece

Amelia, I strongly advise you take a trip on the London Underground. We always “let passengers off the train first”.

Élora

I’m feeling lucky I live in Montreal right now: no one ever does any of those things (except maybe for the talking on the phone while ordering coffee — but it’s still not frequent). People in general are quite considerate. You can easily get off the subway car because people stand on either side of the door but not in front of it. And there are actual signs on the ground that show people where to stand, which probably helps quite a lot. And no one would ever hold the door open in winter for longer than necessary because NO ONE APPRECIATES -40°C.

Okay to be completely honest I’m not really feeling lucky because you still live in NYC and despite all these unpleasant details, it is still über-awesome. And I am über-jealous.