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Thursday, 29 March 2012

A Quick Note

As stated above this is a note, and a quick one at
that.

I am still trapped within the pit of despair, I have
had to craft a rudimentary duck quacker with my hair and toe nail clippings in
order to entice a passing mandrake into taking this very message and updating
it on my blog.

I apologise for my recent lackadaisical attitude with
regards to my up dates, however my hands were sliced off during a ‘routine’ one
to one session with an interrogator named ‘The Slicer’. I don’t think I have to
go into graphic detail.

However I have grown them back using salamander dna scraped
from an old lizard cage, so for the next few hours I’ve got ickle tiny baby
hands wot look so cute, and yet so wrong.

But I have awaited the opportunity to make my move, to
escape from this torturous hole in the ground, and now I have my chance.

I’m going over the top, I’m making my move, I’m
crossing the line, I’m taking the plunge and I’m jumping ship, like a disease
ridden rat.

I can’t say too much, the duck can only carry a message
on a piece of paper 5cm by 8cm, so I cannot possibly provide you with any extraneous
detail and I also must ensure that my points are made in a brief and somewhat
succinct manner lest I run out of space on this tiny piece of paper, or the pen
crafted using my own blood run dry.

However I can break the news that I will soon be free,
I will back to you! My charming and loyal minions!

I shall be laughing with you and frolicking and we
shall share the joy and happiness and warmth that you always find here on my
little interwebspace.

I must go now, the smell of my rancid body festering
in my own filth after being trapped in a pit for over a week is becoming too
much for the duck. He was a little bit sick and it dribbled out of his beak.