Our favourite Flashcube.org teenage supersleuth Nikki has provided me with this link to a course being offered at the University of British Columbia. Exotic Pole Dancing is now available for the taking. It’s being marketed as a means to stay in shape but oddly the desciption on the website neglects to say anything regarding wether or not a slutty costume is a prerequisite. Here’s hoping.

Because of my distinctive last name, tracing my lineage is easier than if it was something like Jones or Jackson. One of the interesting things I discovered was my relation to the last Princess of the Micronesian Island of Kosrae. I know it sounds a little far fetched but I have the facts to back it up. Besides, my late Grandfather (God bless him) met their descendants when they travelled over 9000 miles to attend our family reunion in 1989. In his words, “At first I thought they were the entertainment, then I realized they were family!” Yikes! I miss my Grandfather.

The story is this: One of my ancestors Henry (Harry) Skilling left Portland, Maine in 1868 after a huge fire burned most of the city. He wound up in the South Pacific with a pirate called “Bully” Hayes and then married the daughter of the last king of Kosrae. Her name was Jenny Sitato.

This information sheds light on my current infatuation with tropical islands, women in grass skirts, and fruity drinks. It’s in my fucking blood! The best part is that the Micronesian Skilling’s have done quite well for themselves by taking prominent roles in the government. Harry H. Skilling is Chief Justice with his cousin, Sidney Skilling, a public defender. Fred Skilling, brother of Sidney, is Director of the Department of Public Affairs, and Masayuki Skilling is the Postmaster General. So the next time you’re in Micronesia say,”Hi” to my relatives and if you’re looking for a place to stay, I’d be delighted to recommend the Skilling hotel which, while small by most standards, is still the largest hotel on the island of Kosrae. I’ll have to inquire about family discounts though. If you’re in the mood for shopping, I can sort you out with that too.

Now common thought would dictate someone who really only needs to be certified by a doctor to prove that the mental disorder they think they have would have better things to do than to troll the outer fringes of the internet and pull up a smelly, slimy thing such as this. I’ve stated before that I have no problem absolutely liking certain television shows or movies as long as it doesn’t involve me learning a new language (I barely have a grasp on English) and wearing a metal codpiece. However, the codpiece could help me escape the unfathomable depths of depression I’ve been suffering over the past year or so (whoops!). There is good news to all this though; it’s that I’ve learned to channel my negative energy into chuckles via this website. In addition, finding people like this helps to fortify the belief that despite my inability to deal with hardships there are other people out there who are more in need of a mental help professional than I.

15. If you offer to buy a woman a drink and she accepts, she still might not like you.71. It’s acceptable, traditional in fact, to disappear during a night of hard drinking. You will appear mysterious and your friends will understand. If they even notice.

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house, not a creature was stirring not even Eric as he makes his drunk ass home reeking of booze and cigarettes then trying to piece together the events of the previous evening when he wakes up thinking, “Did I say that to her? Wow. I really am an asshole”. Fuck it, here’s something that truly represents the spirit of Christmas. Little kids crapping their pants with fear whenever they’re near Jolly Old Saint Nick.

We all know that the holidays can be stressful. Buying presents for countless friends and relatives. It’s almost enough to make one snap. It’s a good thing that I’ve strong resolve and aren’t prone to such temptations despite how easy it would be. I’m counting down my last few hours of freedom before the onslaught. God help me.