My Thought Keeper

August 8, 2011 I did not track my food intake yesterday, but it seems like I did not overeat. I exercised over an hour. My granddaughter wants to do a 5k with me and I told my daughter to have her run the driveway (1/4 mile) a couple times a day. Well, yesterday as I was getting ready for my run I hear her running the down their driveway. She had her own mantra "I am almost there." I asked her what she was doing and she replied, "I do not know, mom told me to run the driveway."

So, we went for a run/walk - we did 30:30 for 30 minutes then walked a mile. The when I took her home I went for "my" workout 2:1 for 30 minutes. So, I had a good workout.

My eating, with the exception of the package of cookies, was good. My excuse for the cookies was that I was watching the grandkids after my run and I was still hungry. After thought now is why didn't I have carrots and celery or almonds or peanut butter on whole wheat bread :-( Ok, at least I am thinking of alternates, better late than never - now I am equipped with the thought for next time.

I am trying to find this book titled "Potatoes, not Prozac" I am not sure if I am actually craving the sweet or just want to eat because I think I might be missing out on something. Or it could simply be this weather is so hot and humid that a cool treat in so enticing. I seem to enjoy ice cream in hotter weather.

August 1, 2011 I am fighting some frustration because I have so much I want ot get done around the house and it seems every time I want to get started, I am interrupted. Somedays I wonder where on earth I was the day the super powers were being handed out.

I am finally getting focused on eating healthier. I think I will feel better emotionally if I get the proper nutritents required. I realize that I lack committment, but I think I just need to get started.

C and M have decided to quit smoking and I said that I'd give up eating candy bars if they could give up cigarettes. Well, C informed me the other day that time has come. I completed Day 1 yesterday, and had to tell S no thank you when she handed me the box of Junior MInts.

I feel good about saying no and not being tempted to have some when W ate them in the car. Driving is a trigger for me eating junk food and I have a road trip coming up soon - this should be interesting.

I guess I'll have to keep in mind "Failing to plan is planning to fail." and stay one step ahead of temptation.

I am beginning to see how childhood affects us as I think about why I do things. My oldest daughter and her family moved in next door to us and my granddaughter spends a lot of time here with her auntie, grandpa and myself. The other day, we fixed oursselves some ice cream cones and of course, I had a second one. It was then she asked, "Grandma, why do you always eat so much ice cream?"

That was an eyeopener for sure, not to the fact that I was having seconds, but rather, she was watching what I was doing. I need to be careful around her because she exhibits tendencies to developing an eating disorder. If she does not like what her mother fixes, she will go for days without eating; she'd rather go hungry. My daughter is not the best cook, so that does not help the matter much.

I certainly do not want my grandddaughter to go from not eating to binging. So, for the majority of the time when she visits we try to encourage eating foods as close to the natural state as possible. Oh yeah, my daughter has caught on that when my granddaughter does not eat she comes down here to be fed.

As for putting sweets in the freezer, that is not a solution for me; I love frozen cookies. On the plus side, I do have limitation on what treats I will buy. It is just that when I do buy them I have a tendency to eat them as quickly as possible.

I often think of the 21 day challenge to jumpstart me on better eating, but I find that I cannot seem to make it past day 3. I think the main reason is because I have not yet totally committed myself to doing it.

I have been on this journey now for 4 years. I am in the best shape ever and am maintaining my weight within a 5 pound range. So, I am successful in some areas, it is just that I haven't let of this "I gotta have sugar yet" But I am working on getting the mindset.

I completely understand. It's scary to think of how long are habits from childhood can impact us. This is one reason why I love working with children because childhood effects us more than we know. Growing up I was always eating fastfood and fastfood has been one of my greatest challenges. The 21 days to make a habit thing has helped me. When I go crazy on fastfood, I try to challenge myself to going 21 days without it. (3 short weeks, right!) The 21 day goal allows me to to focus on one day at a time. Usually, once I reach the goal, my desire for the fastfood is gone.

Have you tried putting the sweets in the freezer again.. if they're frozen you can't eat them immediately and maybe in the time it takes them to thaw, you'll be able to refocus your mind! & maybe try replacing those unhealthy sweets with better ones. For example, using weight watchers 90 calorie cookies rather than chips ahoy. Their chocolate muffin has 8 grams of fiber. I ate some white cherries for the first time in season and I swear they tasted just like skittles lol

Yes, understanding myself is a big part of this journey. I grew up in a large family and we did not get a lot of sweet treats. My mom did not bake a lot so we did not have a lot of sweet treats except for Easter, Halloween, and Christmas.

Once in a while I helped my mom make cookies so my dad would have some for his lunch box. However, she always told me to put them in the freezer and then forgot they were there - I was the only one who knew they were there and so, it was as if I had my own private stash of goodies. I remember looking around and making sure none of my brothers or sisters were around then sneaking a "feast" of cookies.

During the candy holiday seasons, I would often eat what I received in one sitting so I would not have to share; my sister would eat mine just to spite me. Now, today I find myself with that same attitude with my husband - I feel like I have to eat my share before he gets to it. I absolutely hate it when he says "Can I have a small bite?' because his small bite is half of what I have.

I am realizing that a lot of my overeating those sweet treats stems from me not wanting to share. It is that selfish part of me that has that grip on junk food. I am a fairly giving person, right now I am in the care giver role with my husband who has chronic pain. It really gets to me when he tells me I am selfish when I do 95% of the work around here.

I realize that it is this frustration that causes me to overeat the sweet treats. It brings out the selfishness inside of me. Now, I need to turn that around, because that selfishness is not doing my body any good. I found that running helps me keep my attitude positive. I get a lot of anger and frustration out of me when I am out there huffing and puffing. It is as if I am chasing that sense of accomplishment - I was never a runner until 2009.

In high school, I was on the track and field team, but I was not a good runner and so I threw the discus. So being able to get out there in midlife is an awesome feeling!! Honestly, I do not get that feeling when I stuff my face with sugar and fat laden foods.

It's like that some times... I think most of us tend to go to something when emotions get really strong. It's all about recovering and chasing the sense of accomplishment we get when we meet a goal. You can do it! Understanding yourself better is all apart of the journey!!!!

I just made the connection with my eating way too much junk food (donut and ice cream cones). and negative feelings I harbor. This morning as I was thinking about what triggered my binge, I realized it was because I was not letting go of some negative feelings.

I realize this is silly because my eating 4 donuts and 4 ice cream cones did absolutely nothing to solve the problem. It actually made me feel nauseous. However, it did cause me to go for a run last night and that did make me feel better.

Note to self: don't let other people's actions get to me and if I get annoyed find something other than food to let go.

July 27, 2011 I had a horrible eating day yesterday and my fingers ache this morning. I think I am finally going to get serious and be committed to eating healthier. I just read that the obesity epidemic is getting worse and I do not want to be a part of that number.

I am thinking back on how I felt when that size 16 pair of jeans began to be too tight and I did not want to have to but a size 18. I got serious then about losing weight. Especially considering how the sizes have changes and the manufacturers do not use a standardized sizing and often have "vanity" sizing (the number is smaller it ought to be). Also, consider that fact when I started gaining weight I kept wearing the same size.

Today, other than my achey fingers, I am the one adult in my family that seems to be more fit. One daughter has either tore a ligament or sprained her ankle, my son-in-law is needing knee surgery, my other daughter has fibromyalgia, and my husband has too many issues to list. When I started my weight loss journey 4 years ago, the reason was so that I could be fit and healthy as I age. I have got to be determined to take charge.

I am responsible for my health; it is up to me and only me; no one can do it for me.

First of all, don't allow food in the vehicle! Second, don't buy unhealthy food. Not sure how old your daughter is but it sounds like she could jump on board with you and learn more about healthy choices.

July 24, 2011 I am amazed at how little willpower and/or committment I have to eating healthy. Yesterday my daughter offered me some candy that she bought and did not like. Of course, I took it. Unfortunately, for me, it was at the car and while in the car I have a tendency to eat mindlessly if there is an open bag of something in front of me.

So, I ate more than I should have. Actually, I should have stopped after about the 5th piece because those were nasty tasting, Brach's Peanut Butter Bites. I also had a bag of chips. Didn't I just post about eating less of that type of food?

July 22, 2011 Temptations called my name and I answered. I need to plan more to be prepared when those thoughts come. The temptation was peanut m&ms - the good news - I noticed how sweeet and sugary they tasted and how come that milk chocolate tasted so bad?! I think that slowly my palate is changing. I have noticed that I do not evenget inticed by certain candy bars anymore. One by one, I'm checking them off my list of gotta haves. or should I say to bad tasting candy bars.

July 19,2011 It has been hot and humid - so much that it is not wise to exercise outdoors. Despite that, I decided to mow the yard yesterday - I was drenched in sweat, I made sure to stay hydrated. I cannot wait to run again. My leg is better and I am having a hard time remembering to take that asprin once a day now.

My eating needs improvement - I still lack total committment to eat the right kind of foods. I have had a couple of binge session ( I ate half a bag of m&ms- the 14 oz bag). Afterwards, I asked myself, "Why did I do that?" . I admit they actually tasted good, but I did not feel so good afterward. When will I make a solid commitment?

July 16 2011, I ran the 5k after all. BUt it was an easy run, I did not push myself too hard and walk when I could have jogged. BUt I was concerned about my leg where the blood clot was. It did not bother me and seems to be ok now, although it is still sore to the touch.

My time was 32:57; I ran a bit harder on the last 1k, even passed up the old man (80 years old) who passed me about mid run. I crossed the finish line 1 second before him. I came in 138 out of 202, 5th out of 8 for my age group. The top 3 for my age group were all sub30s; this gives me hope that I'll be able to do that some day.

July 14, 2011 - the house is messy, daughter is supposed to be doing the housework and not taking her job seriously. Plus this place is so small and there is really not enough room for us all never mind all of our things.

My weight is still under that 130 mark, so I am managing my weight despite not being able to run. I rode the bike last night and the area is a bit more tender to the touch than it was before I ran - most likely it was too much too soon. Bummer. Race is on Saturday. I may walk it if I cannot run it.

July 13, 2011 Day 5 of no running, I miss it. I am hoping I'll be well enough for the race on Saturday. I have been doing strength training exercises in the meantime.

My eating is doing well as long as no one has treats made - translated: I am eating too many brownines. It is so hard to stick with a plan whenb noone else in the house hold is on board. The disappointment is they need to be on board.

I made homemade tortilla last night. Yummy! But they were not good for health supporting. My granddaughter ate most of them. They were thicker than those I but at the store and I am not sure if I'll be able to fold them for burritos or enchiladas.

I am still working on that sub30 5k race. Since I did not acheive it yet, I signed up for 2 more races. I am enjoying running in the races this year. I do not know why the change of mind. When I ran the Old Glory Run with over 1,000 people I understood why people love to race. I am not into competing with other people, just to improve my time.

I am also going to try to clean up my diet and see if that helps me with my time. My hubby and daughter both said they would agree to McDougall diet with me. But since I do the cooking and they eat whatever I make, they really do not have a choice. They both need to lose weight, so I am going to see if I can get them to do before and after pictures. We'll see.

I finished my 5k race today and I must admit I was actually disappointed with my time. I really want to do a sub30 but my time was 31'37", that is 17 seconds better than my last, so I am not going to complain too much. But, honestly, I was surprised that I was disappointed since I improved my time. I think I have been bit by that runner's bug.

OK, so it looks like Ms_Mitra is keeping her thoughts in MY Thought Keeper Journal. Definitely not what I intended when I set up this thread. Anyway, I wish her success in giving up her cigarette addiction. And I think that in this day and age if a man says he wants to take care of his woman and she is not to work that some serious thinking needs to be done. My daughter just went through something of the same thing but it turned out the guy is a total deadbeat and full of hot air. However, don't think you cannot be a great woman if you do not have a job. My son-in-law thinks my other daughter, who is a stay at home mom, does not have a real job because she does not bring in a paycheck. Honestly, being a stay at home mom is not a job??? Yet, he cannot last more than 2 hours watching the kids by himself withouit being frazzled.

Sorry for the rant, it kind of started when someone else put her thoughts in my thought keeper - without commented on MY THoughts. Unless you are commenting on my thoughts I'd prefer that you start your own thread for your thought keepers in your own journal.

July 1, 2011 Hot amd muggy today. Did not exercise yesterday due to the heat. I think I'll do a routine on the exercise bike this afternoon or mow the yard if I can get the mower to start.

The baby is still on a 3 hour schedule and daughter is getting tired and cranky. She wants to get a break and go to a drivein movie and have me watch the baby. That translate into me losing my sleep. I said no. I do not want to lose what little sleep I do get just so she can go to a drivein movie with her cousin. That is different than helping her out with the feedings, but I could tell she was upset with me. Funny, how she can complain about being tired because she isn't getting enough sleep, but then make plans to do that. Hmmmmmmm. I am beginning to feel used; so I need to keep my attitude in check.

I am noticing a bit of negativity and criticism creeping in. I need to keep those things in check because there is really no need for them to be hanging around me. Yeah, I need to show them the door and escort them out of here.

Our youngest daughter is doing well with the baby and I am admiring her for her effort. I was not sure how she would do because of her physical limitations. The baby is on a three hour feeding schedule. I take the 9 am and 12 noon feeding so mommy can get some sleep. She mentioned she wanted to go back to her old job when she is physically able and I sort of think she is sleeping so she can take the night shift. I have not asked her if that is what she is doing and so it is only a guess on my part. If that is her plan, that means a super huge life style change for me because I will then need to do the night feeding also.

The baby is doing well for being a premie. I am so thankful since he was born 10 weeks early. He is already over 1 month old. Now, he seems just like a newborn. He is starting to cry like one now, menaing his cry is getting stronger and louder. He is also awake more now.

Well, that is enough for my journal today. I have 11 more miles to reach my Nike+ goal of the purple level. I so want to do it by the end of the month, that is three 5ks plus warm ups and cool downs. I should be able to accomplish that.

June 22, 2011 My grandson is now home form the hopsital. It is different having a baby in the house again. Although I am the grandmother, I am sure I will have a life changing routine around here. My daughter plans on me being the childcare provider when and if she returns to work. For me, this means I will be needing to organize my day - no more winging and or just go with the flow. I am going to need to do some serious planning of my days.

June 21, 2011 I was too busy to get in any running and I did not make time to do any other exercise. I am amazed at how quickly these days go by. I think I am going to have to create a daily schedule so I can get done what needs to be done.

My eating is almost under control, I am still giving in to buying sweets; although I am talking myself out of some. It is a bit of progress, small but moving forward.

Sometimes, I wish my family would get on board and join me. It is so frustrating.

June 20, 2011 My weight was up a bit this morning, but I was expecting that because I overate from the carbohydrate group last night. It was like I just had to have that peanut butter toast (4 slices with jelly also), then the popcorn. My consolation is I had a large salad for supper.

I ran a 10k yesterday, I wanted to check my time, but I had my granddaughter with me and got a wee bit distracted at times. It was fun - she met her personal goal of being able to ride her bike up those 2 hills on our route. She is nine years old. That was awesome. When she accomplished it she said, "Now, what's my next goal?"

A lesson for me there, once I accomplish one goal, it is time to make another and keep on movin' forward.

I did not do too bad yesterday, even managed to get some work done around the house. I tried a new recipe" Lentils curried with Rhurbarb and Sweet Potato. It was an interesting dish because it had different flavor sensations: sweet, tangy, spicy. I left out some of the heat ingredients. This one is a keeper.

June 16, 2010 Why do I keep eating candy when I know it is not the best food for me? It is so easy for me to give in when I am with someone else who wants to buy candy. Never mind that person is buying candy for themself, but I feel like I'll be missing out if I don't buy something also.

Perhaps this stems from my childhood behavior of hiding my candy treats so my sister would not eat my treat or that I felt I had to eat it all at once before she got her hands on it. Whatever the case, wanting to have that sugar treat has a firm grip on me.

I did the dialogue in my head, "I want this; no, I don't, it's bad for me. Think of the ill effects sugar has on my body when eaten in this form; but I really want it and I'll think about how I should have bought it if I don't". That is the argument that I give into the most.

That must be the feeling of being deprived that so many say will happen if you don't have your treat. However, they say to eat it in moderation - I seem to miss that part and end up eating the whole bag. I need to start thinking about what I will truly be deprived of if I choose not to eat a sugary, fatty overprocessed food - heart disease, diabetes, high blood pressure, overweight etc.

Everything we eat begins with a thought - I need to chang ethe way I am thinking.

June 14, 2010 Yesterday, I did a prerun of the River Rat 5k course and finished in 31'53". That is my best time so far. I ran (jogged) the whole way and finished strong. Still a long way from my sub30 goal though.

I have decided that just being able to jog the distance without a walk break is an accomplishment in itself. So, I am happy with my improvement in running. This summer, I am actually feeling like I AM A RUNNER!!!

My eating habits need a lot of improvement. I am eating too much candy. Why? That I am not for sure. DH keeps buying candy and I hoin in right along with him. I think it is because I am afraid I'll be missiong out if I do not eat it.

I bought a 6-pack of Hershey's with almonds and finished it off in 2 days. That is an improvement over 1 day. Still, I am not happy with the fact that I ate one after another. 4 in one day and 2 the next. The sad thing is that I ate them just because they were in the house, I wasn't particularily hungry or anything. I just knew they were in the house and ate them, one after another. I am not even sure if I actually enjoyed them.

June 13, 2011 I visted my grandson yesterday in, he is doing well. It was such a joy holding. He just lay there so peacefully in my arms. The only sad thing is that we arrived right after he was fed so he slept the whole time we were there. Although he did wake up the last 5 minutes of the visit, but I left him then and let my daughter have some bonding time with him. He is such a little fighter and the nurses are such an awesome team.

Yesterday we finally got the plants in the garden. We are doing square foot gardening and we have some boxes that still need to have dirt put in - so, guess what Ill be doing for these next few days.

My attitude today is on the downhill side today and I am working on a turnaround. It is amazing how thoughts affect so much in one's life. I need to stay positive and go to my happy place today. Perhaps I'll go for a run before I start working around the house. Hmmmmm, that sounds like a good idea.

Wow! June 10th already. I guess I am not keeping my thoughts very well. At least my thoughts have been positive these past couple of days. I have been sleeping a bit better and feeling rested seems to give me a better outlook.

My daughter is home for a few days, she was staying with friends so she could be closer to the baby but felt the need to come home and rest for a bit. I did not see the baby when I picked her up because I felt like I was fighting something and thought it best not to visit.

Last night, my husband showed me a video of a crash that occured about a week ago that was caught on the camera of a squad car. It involved the parents of a friend of his. It was devastating to watch yet we watched it over and over, it was like we were spellbound by it. He called our daughter to watch. I am hoping this does not have an impact on her since she has had several car accidents and lost a very close friend in one. She still has some emotional issues from these. I think I better stay out of my "oh, pity me, feel sorry for myself" mode and keep on eye on her these next few days.

I am finding that there can be a joy in serving others. Too often we focus on ME, ME and ME. But, spending time with my grandchildren, who demand so much attention, I can clearly see that it is NOT all about me. I know I am going to have demands on me this week so I am going to focus on what can I do to make someone else feel better.

Thanks for your comment Jibbie. The problem is that I am not the only one in this household, but I seem to be the only one that cleans, which leads me to what I am going to express today. I am fighting a negative attitude because I am so busy. I spent all morning putting away some of the clutter (finding a spot for everything is a challenge) then I mowed the yard some more. I spent four hours mowing and I am still not done.

I was thinking about letting some of the grass take over, but we walk through the yard too much and the keeping the grass short will lessen the bugs at bit. The wood tics and deer tics are thick this year. I am noticing less on us now that our pathway has been mowed.

But, anyways, sometimes I wish I could get just a wee bit of help from my husband. I know he suffers from chronic pain and it has gotten a little worse these past few years. He does a few things around the house but usually it is something he wants to do for himself and then he can push through the pain, so I have a tendency to get a bit irritated when he makes no effort to do anything to help me out with the everyday chores.

I suppose that when one suffers pain, the focus is on oneself and not other people. I try to keep that in mind and think about how much I would do for others if I was in pain. I think that I most likely would not be doing much for some one else and just do the minimum.

I guess it is just the taker-self in me that wants to get something and have him do something for me, just me. One time he told me he was being considerate of me by only asking for back massages when he cannot stand the pain anymore because he knows I am so busy doing other things. I am sure I heard that differently than what he intended to say, but I think it helps me express my frustration.

So, I am working on keeping my attitude in check by focusing on the sacrifice the Lord Jesus Christ made when he took on the form of a servant. Being a servant and putting others needs before mine. This past month has been stressful, with one daughter moving into our house, my husband and I moving to the cabin, and our youngest daughter moving back in with us and having pregnacy complications and having a premature birth of her son. Yeah, things have been a bit hectic around here.

On the positive note: my daughter and grandson and doing well, I get to see my other grandchildren more often and soon, very soon, we will be settled into the cabin and, hopefully, get into a routine. In the meantime, I need to stay focused on the things that really matter and be thankful that things are not really all that bad.

I use to read the books by Pam Young and Peggy Jones "The Slob Sisters" as they hated housework, but they got rid of all of the clutter & kept them "streamline." Much like how a hotel maid cleans a room.

Today is June 6, 2011 and I have decided to start a community journal to record my thoughts. It is hard for me to express my feelings but I think if I keep a journal it will be a great way to look back and see what I have accomplished.

This morning my weight is 128.8 pounds. I don't think it will stay this way because I had a very busy day outdoors yesterday and I am sure as I rehydrate today those numbers will change. I spent a couple hours outdoors doing some tourist attractions yesterday and the weather was in the 80's and I forgot to bring my water bottle.

Then when I returned home, I mowed the yard for a couple of hours, then went for a 1/2 hour run. So, I was a bit active for the amount of water I did drink.

When are in the middle of moving, actually downsizing and we have a lot of stuff. The current place is a bit cluttered and I am working on organizing the chaos. It is taking a long time and I have a lot more to do to be all organized. I am actually hoping by August to have everything in its permanent place. I am sure I will have to do some rearranging of things several times before everything is where I want it to be.

Having all this clutter is a detriment to relaxation. As a matter of fact, I finally got the living room organized that hubby and I actually sat down on the couch and chatted for a bit. I find myself going in there and just sitting for a bit.

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