I decided to join LinkedIn today, to help my future you know? I have the option of uploading a photo of myself because people like to see who they are reading about. I get it. So I decided to browse my Facebook photos. Upon browsing I realised something, I have no “professional” photos of myself. I am either posing with someone or with a weird face or I’m in my car (not exactly safe, though I am at stoplights when I take them…usually). So I decided to find my top five best pictures that represent me. The real me.

You may vote if you wish. I’m leaning toward #1 personally. Mostly because I look so adorable in my little helmet.

1. This picture shows that I am both physically fit (seasonally at least) and safe (helmet). Both are good qualities for an aspiring teacher. Not only do I practice proper safety, I can also chase after children if they escape. Or at least run them over with my bike.

Safety first!

2. This picture shows that not only do I have impeccable taste in men (IT’S CHANNING TATUM…*cat call*), but I also have celebrity connections (celebrities have money…school districts usually need money…need I say more?). It also shows that I have a super goofy fun side (obviously).

Celebrity connections.

3. This picture shows that I am good with kids. Which is obviously necessary for teachers, though my students will be slightly older. It also, again, shows my fun goofy side. Also, companies use kids in their commercials to sell products…everyone likes adorable kids right? So…Emma, work your magic!

I like kids.

4. This picture shows my amazing fashion sense. It is both professional (heels, vest with a beautiful flower thingy on it, scarf) and it shows my personality (boxers, sweats, warm hat, funky socks). This would make a great interview outfit. I would totally get the job in this little number. Bonus that I look super confident…like I could take over the world or shape “eager young minds”.

Professional yet personal.

5. This picture shows that I am young. Because I am young I can better relate to my students…because I am young, hip, and cool…or because I look like I’m 15. But come on, look at that face…so adorable right?

Today out of sheer boredom I decided to take a wedding quiz. I know right? WHO IS THIS PERSON.

I’m full of surprises and nobody is as surprised as yours truly. Who knows what I might write about next?

YIKES.

I assure you my blog was not hacked nor am I on any sort of illegal substance.

Or am I?

JUST KIDDING.

Don’t call the cops. Please.

Seriously. I was kidding. So don’t call them.

Truth is, sometimes I have these things called “girly moments”. They’re kind of like an out-of-body experience really. I’ll be sitting at my desk writing a paper and decide I need a break so I start Googling. Once I start Googling things will start to peak my interest. Today I was on Pinterest, to be specific, when I saw a link to find our wedding dress personality. Or something like that.

So I clicked on it. Realised it was not what I wanted. Thus resulting in me Googling “What does your wedding dress style say about you?”

I really did type that. Remind me to delete my browsing history later. Lest someone see that and laugh.

So I found a quiz. Clicked on the dress I liked best (though not MY dress) and here are the results.

Oh you noticed the “MY dress” did you? DON’T JUDGE ME. Yes, it so happens that I do have my dress picked out. No I am not engaged. Or seeing anyone. But why should that matter? I’m a girl. I can have girly moments. SO WHAT.

This is my wedding dress. Sort of.

Also, WEDDING CAKES.

Notice how cake is plural. As in, multiple cakes. Seriously though, who can choose just one flavour?

MY WEDDING WILL BE BEST WEDDING.

Okay. The real reason you’re here. My wedding personality.

Your Personal Style:

Eclectic and very unique. You don’t follow fashion. You prefer to create your own trends.

Who knew yoga pants and hoodies were so unique and eclectic? They must have seen my Pinterest closet which is a million times nicer than I mine will ever look.

Your Ideal Wedding:

Just the two of you, saying your vows while skydiving or flying around in a hot air balloon.

As long as my groom doesn’t mind me A.) vomiting, B.) huddled in the corner of the balloon basket while rocking, sucking my thumb, and singing “Soft Kitty” to myself, or C.) Passing out.

Your Philosophy on Marriage:

It’s a risk like everything else, and hopefully a big adventure.

This is very true. Scary true. I am terrified of having a boring, mundane, or marriage of routine. Obviously those moments will occur but if my entire life is like that, kill me now. Good thing I am easy to please and see adventure as anything from going to a movie to going on a road trip (short or long) to “trying something new” (yes, I am talking about the “s” word).

Your Perfect Marriage:

Having someone to share memories with, without feeling tied down or constrained

I am a committment phobe. I want a buddy to hang out with. I don’t want an overly serious relationship. I want a best friend. One I can laugh with, get mad at and know he will like me (and visa versa. Obviously), goof off with, and just enjoy life with. That shouldn’t be too hard right?

No he’s not gay. No we aren’t engaged. Well, not in real life anyway. In my mind…well, that’s a different story.

You, my friends, have been curious as to what Mr. Sexy Back’s back looks like. Until recently I had been concerned about how confessing to having, in my possession, one two pictures of Mr. Sexy Back’s back and how that would make me appear to those who don’t know me very well.

Would people call me a creep? A weirdo? Psychotic? Would they not think he was as sexy as I claimed thus ruining the allusion? Would they call the closest Mental Health Hospital and have me committed? Would they call channel 10 and have them do a story on me?

So many concerned thoughts spinning around in my head (I’m a realist and a “worst case scenario” thinker).

Finally one day I decided to say, “screw you all and your unfair judgements” (that day is today, by the way).

I will embrace my inner stalker and share with my faithful followers and fans of all things Mr. Sexy Back, the sexiness of The Back.

But first, a little back story (get it?) on Mr. Sexy Back.

I first met him (and by “met” I mean, “saw him”) in January of 2012. It was 9:30am on a Tuesday and I was half asleep as I sat anxiously awaiting for my first class at my new college for my new career to start. Political Science was the class. If you care. I was sitting at the back table (I always sit in the back of classrooms, I’m weird about people sitting behind me) when in strolls him. He too, looked very unexcited for this class. He paused briefly as he gazed the room for a place to sit. And, of all the empty seats in the classroom (I was the first one there…total nerd) guess where he sat? That’s right ladies (and gents), IN FRONT OF ME.

At the time I didn’t think anything of it. I mean it was winter so he had on a coat or a hoodie. But a few days later the room was unnaturally hot and stuffy. And then, he did it.

He took off his hoodie.

I’m pretty sure it was in slow motion. It was like “Magic Mike“. But for real. Because he was like right there.

He was wearing his signature thin white t-shirt and every time he moved, his muscled moved too. His back…oh his back…it was like if the Statue of David and Ryan Lochte could procreate, he would be there love-child.

I tried so hard to find a picture of his back. But I figured you wouldn’t complain about his front.

I imagine his butt looks like this as well.

Seriously.

He has the broad swimmers shoulders and the small waist. Yea, you know what I’m talking about.

So that’s is the story about how I met saw Mr. Sexy Back for the first time.

Have I made you wait long enough yet? Who am I kidding, you probably scrolled through the text and gawked at his pictures for a good twenty-minutes and now you’re finally reading this. Hey, I get it. I’m a realist. No judgement here.

So, without further adieu, here is The Back.

Seat with a view.

We were supposed to be watching a movie. Instead I was watching this.

So, there you have it friends. The big reveal. I hope you find him just as sexy as I do. Trust me, these crappy cell phone pictures don’t do him justice.

Hope you enjoyed it!

– gypsyjess.

P.S. Mr. Sexy Back now has his very own “category” so look for more Mr. Sexy Back stories (or pictures…hehe…) in the future!

I’ve been so busy lately I haven’t had time to really write an actual post. I’ve resorted to finding a cute or awkward picture of myself from way back when and posting it hoping it will count as a post.

Does it?

I promise I will write an actual post soon though. Update you on my super exciting life.

That was a joke. Laugh.

So without further adieu, here is the photo for ThrowbackThursday.

If he were to do that now he would crush me.

For the entire duration of my mum’s final pregnancy I begged for a sister. I already had a brother and was desperate for another girl in the family. So, when my grandmum received the call that evening from my dad I was ready for my wish to come true.

“Jessica dahling.” She said in her thick Australian accent, “You have a baby brother!”

A shocked look appeared on my face. Brother? Did she just say brother.

Needless to say I was upset. I didn’t like him. I thought he looked like a pig in the hospital and when he came home, I tried to cover him with a blanket. Apparently I thought he would disappear. Dumb baby had to go and cry though and alert mum I was bullying him.

Whatever.

That was nearly 23 years ago. A lot has changed since then. I have finally accepted the fact that I will only have sisters through marriage, something I actually like (being the only girl has its advantages). We are very close now. I can honestly say that my little (he’s 6’4″, not exactly “little) younger brother (5 years, 9 months younger to be exact) is one of my best friends.

So I guess wishes do come true, just not always in the form we want them to.

Do you have any funny sibling stories you’d like to share? I’d love to hear them!

I was basically the best t-ball player in all of Penn Yan. And by the best I mean I used to pick dandelions in the outfield. Seriously though, how many 7 year olds can hit a baseball out to right field?

Today’s Throwback Thursday picture is from 1992. I was seven years old (I turned 8 that August). I was on a t-ball team called “Joe’s Engine”. Some girl named Ashley and I used to pick dandelions in the outfield.

I recently saw a video of myself during one of my games. I was sitting on the bench waiting for my turn to bat.

“Sitting” = spinning, jumping, clapping, bouncing, and waving to mum and dad while waiting for my turn to bat. Yes, I was that kid.

Apparently.

Glad to know my fidgety-ness has not gone away though there is less twirling, spinning, and jumping and more leg bouncing, pen clicking, and foot tapping.

I am not an outwardly emotional person. I’m pretty level headed, rational, and straight faced. I have a very good “poker face”. However, like most normal girls out there, there are certain times when I tend to be a bit more…hmm…how do I say this…sensitive? Pathetic? Hormonal? Unexplainable? Irrational?

Let’s just say when the ASPCA commercials come on, I don’t move freakishly fast to change the channel out of hatred for the song Angel but more so out of fear I will become a big pathetic ball of snot, tears, and emotion once the images of sad puppies fills the screen.

I WANT TO PUNCH PUPPIES AND SCREAM AND CRY AND LAUGH AND EAT EVERY CARB IN SIGHT?**

That explains it quite well, yes.

**FYI: I really don’t get angry or grouchy. I really don’t want to punch puppies or scream. Cry? Yes. Eat carbs? Yes. And chocolate. And chips. And pizza. And ALLTHETHINGS.

But, like all tough German women, I will press on. I will ignore the pain that feels as though my uterus is filled with thousands of sword-wielding soldiers and instead, focus my energy on a paper about the movie Braveheart. And when I am finished, I will crawl into my warm bed, raise my arms up high, and shout “[I WANT] FREEEEDOMMMM [FROM TAMPONS AND CRAMPS AND CRAVINGS]!”

Apparently I didn’t always hate cats. In fact, I loved cats so much I wore shirts embellished with pictures of them.

This was taken in 1989 I believe. In Melbourne, Australia. We were having some sort of festival at school. It was casual day since I’m not in my uniform (I have a picture of me wearing my school uniform somewhere).

Finals have approached. Rather quickly I might add. Where the heck did the semester go?

Crikey.

It’s been awhile since I’ve posted. Sorry. I suck. I know. I promise to return soon though.

My life was pretty lame for awhile there.

And by awhile I mean for the past 28 years.

Whatever. I like it. It’s mine. I can do whatever I want with it.

I’m writing this after another break from studying. Probably a too soon break but I have all night to study as I have already decreed a no-sleep-for-jessi-all-night night.

Tomorrow is going to suck grande cojones (Fact: I just Googled “How do you say balls in Spanish” because I didn’t know how to spell cojones) but oh well. Come Tuesday at 10am I will be a school-free woman until early-January. Check it.

I hope to have a lot of sub jobs until December 21st when school lets out for the local district. So far nothing though. Bummer.

I really need money. I’ve barely worked all semester. Funds are low peeps.

Charity is welcomed.

Just kidding.

But seriously.

Other than working I also plan on writing again. I’ve neglected my novel for almost two years now. I wrote a couple of pages a few weeks ago. Slow and steady wins the race right?

I have yet another book idea. I need to either stop getting book ideas or write faster. This is getting a little out of hand.

Well, my study break is over. I have a few minutes to go reheat my tea before I reread for the millionth time about ancient China, Japan, Africa, Europe, and the Americas. I love history, I love history, I love history.