Sex are not kinky enough in erotic romance

I do not chit chat much on my blog but once in a while I have this urge to share general thoughts. Today is this day eh?

First of all I would like to say that I am privileged to read what I like, when I like, without censure of any kind. And that is priceless. I am not only talking about countries here but also people around us. This remark I make today comes from an author who left a comment on the interview I did with Book Lovers Inc. She said that I was not afraid to claim publicly my love for erotic menage romance. Yes I am not shy and all that and it was kind to mention it but her comment brought me thinking that unfortunately we are still today in a world full of prejudices and homophobia is still very much alive. That we meet every single day people that are narrow minded and worse. And that sucks

I just wanted today to claim it out loud because even if I am not an activist I just wanted to yell FREEDOM. Freedom to love and be whatever we want and yes even marry who and how many at the altar. Go go go Gay, Bisexual and Transexual and Polyamory communities! I support you all the way! Vive la différence!

Homophobia is like racism and anti-Semitism and other forms of bigotry in that it seeks to dehumanize a large group of people, to deny their humanity, their dignity and personhood. ~ Coretta Scott King

If someone is making a judgment when they don’t have firsthand experience, it’s intolerant. How can you make a judgment on something you don’t know about? ~ Beck

I have such a hard time with intolerance and homophobia. Ok. Next.

I love to share my opinion on the books I read. Reading a book is a solitary journey. At least it used to be. Now with twitter and all the social sharing as well as blogs, it is no longer the case. Yes most use them for promotion but as a reviewer I see it more as a way of communication, meeting the authors and sometimes other reviewers and readers. It is really nice to be able to express our opinion and to know that some authors may consider my comments interesting.

I love the author’s world. I am fascinated to see it from the outside although my role as a reviewer permits me to open the back door and be a voyeur inside this world. I started to review and created this blog in august 2011. So my knowledge is short but already I am surprised to notice how competitive this world is. That people visit my blog and read me with an increase of more visitors each day just wow me. Thank you for that.

I tried to know who is reading me and obviously the majority are authors. Which surprise me because in my mind when I started this blog I was thinking readers. I wanted to help readers to choose and I wanted to promote the genre. That was my goal, still is by the way. But authors are mostly my readers which is nice and flattering too.

I am smiling now. I truly do because I am pretty sure a lot of them must cringe about my typos. But hey! I am a french Canadian and I am happy that tolerance is part of your vocabulary! right? RIGHT?

side note: love this smiley but unfortunately did not find any french canadian with a poutine, a Canadiens hockey shirt (even tho they suck this year BIG TIME we are crazy hockey fans here) and wearing a tuque! lol

This said…

My opinion lately is that I find more and more BDSM outstanding vs MMF or MFM. I must tell you that I am not into the BDSM lifestyle even if it fascinates me and I am learning a lot about myself when I read a good BDSM book. Yes. I truly believe that there is always something to learn in a book no matter the genre. Yeah yeah, consider me as a true menage believer.

I am a bit upset lately with the MMF and MFM. I think that the sex scenes are boring and the plot in general not enough developed. Sometimes it starts really good but along the way it becomes redundant as if a repeat of the previous chapter. What is 150 pages could have been easily a 80 pages instead.

I read a couple of books from the same authors with some months even years in between and to my surprise I did not see much difference in the style. Can I say same mistakes? The sex scenes were still boring and the plot still not developed. I was under the impression that authors evolve with time and experience.A question is on my mind and I wonder if authors care about reviews. It is still one opinion so I am just wondering.

Most author love to read about them so I guess a reviewer is a necessary evil on top of using him/her if the review is excellent, great for promotion of course. I get that. I do not mind at all. I think it is a win win situation if they mention me to promote their work. I do not review for that but of course I would be a liar to say that part of me is happy that they use my reviews and my name is mentioned.

The necessary evil is that one opinion will give a good or a bad rate. But here I have a little issue with that. Most reviews I read so far give indeed a rate but hardly develop the reasons why they loved it or disliked it. If I was an author and I saw a bad review without explanation, I would be frustrated. Using a reviewer for promotion, yes. Using a reviewer for an honest opinion, no. I think that for certain reviewers, the fact that thru twitter we can contact the authors and know them can be a blessing and an handicap. A blessing because you know the person behind the name and an handicap because knowing this person more directly, you do not want to hurt their feelings and therefore the review is not totally honest. So generally a short paragraph and a rate is the norm. Nothing to rely on. On top of it, I think that 90% of the author do not want to read a soso or bad review. If they do not have a 5 of 5 rate, then the review is useless. I understand. It is never easy to read that the “baby” you delivered is ugly, right?

Deep down, I just want to “work” with the authors. I know what I like and what I do not like. I am very often frustrated because I see the potential. I see so many details that could have been avoided but then it is too late and already on the market. I learned recently that there is such role: a beta reader. A beta reader is a person that the author trust fully and has the best interest to help the author to see the inconsistencies or typos. Most will be the editor only. I truly believe that each author should have a beta reader closed to them: husband or friend. A second honest opinion is always best. But I insist on the honesty here. If the author is looking for someone to tap the back and always agree and never argue, then forget it!

Oh wow. stop right there, Mary! People will believe that you have a very high unjustified full opinion of yourself! Who am I to critic or analyze what is right and what is wrong? I did not spend years trying to get published and received rejection after rejection…

But.

My opinion is mine. One opinion. I am a reader first before I am a reviewer. I share or not my enthusiasm and I do not expect that everyone will share the same. Are my comment valuable? yes, as a reader who started to read years ago, certainly not as an expert of any kind. So when I say that sex scenes are not kinky enough in erotic romance, I hope some authors here will think about it and wonder if their own sex scenes are or not.

All right… Lets talk about sex…

When I say that the sex scenes are boring. They are to me. Laura Tolomei, which I adore not only as an author but as a friend, asked me if her sex scenes made me horny. I said yes. I would be damned to explain why and how she makes it but she does. But it is rare, way too rare with the majority of erotic authors. I have this vision that for me erotic means free, means kinky, means everything is allowed if consensual. I know most author do write what they know but isn’t it sad that their imagination is that limited?

Sex is limited in what I read, it is blow jobs, licking pussies, penetration, dual penetrations, triple penetrations. Fine. I would not mind if with words I could “see” it, “feel” it or “smell” it. But generally it is like seeing a porn with the girl yelling ahhhhh ohhhhhh yessssss and you can see that she looks at the camera at the same time. Words are magic and unfortunately a lot of erotic authors are writing the sex scenes like the porn movies… without true emotion or originality.

What about 69? what about kinky positions upside down (even tho in real life difficult to achieve, in books it can be fun to read)? What about other places than bathroom and kitchen? The Kama Sutra says 64 positions although it seems that only 40 are doable (curious? check here or here… I mean just google it dammit! lol) but sure enough some authors should/must study it to get inspired. I just have a hard time to understand the lack of imagination or is it shyness which would be pretty ridiculous if they claim to write erotic literature.

I even saw a place with a monthly calendar with a new position for each day. Now… some will say that new acrobatic position does not make a sex scene hot. True. But lets not forget that when we read a sex scene, we visualize it. We also think about our own sex life. A while ago, I read that at an erotic book convention, some readers were asked why they loved erotic romance and most of them said that their husband (because yes 99% of the readers are women) loved the benefice of reading them. I found it funny and a tiny bit sad but that is reality: a very large majority of readers find the sex scenes inspiring.

uh… not me. So am I the exception? I wonder.

In menage romance, the voyeurism is so obvious plus accepting to have sex with more than one person is something so out of norms that sex scenes must be kinky. They must be original. They must be hot and somehow different vs a one woman one man. Possibilities must be endless. And so far they are not. I read the same again and again. So my question is that: is it a must that the author must experience it first hand to make it hot or not? Can an author have enough imagination to translate it into words? That would be sad because how many menage romance author did have a menage experience? I am not sure we would achieve a high number.

So why do I find the menage sex scenes boring. Am I different? not likely. I am a very average middle aged woman with her kinks and all but nothing wild. Oh yes, I have my fantasies. Sure. Some I did experience, some I still want to do and keep them (please notice the plurial) on my new year to do list. But overall I am not asking to have sex on top of a tree to see if adrenaline will give me a bigger orgasm. I am not also asking to keep my dildo ready each time I read a menage book either. Of course I exaggerate here. Maybe there is a line that I do not understand? Maybe the erotic romance must be mild and I did not get the memo? help!

So yes. I do find sex scenes in erotic menage romance not kinky enough and this is like a cake without the cherry on top. I still like the cake, I will still eat it but in the end something is missing.

Remember that this blog is talking in general. I DID find menage romance that were incredibly hot. They DO exist. But sadly they are way too rare.

Now I am asking this: are the erotica stories hotter vs erotic romance or not?

I do not have the answer. It is an open question and feel free to share your opinion and leave a comment here. I just want to understand. I am not familiar with erotica at all so I would love an honest drama free debate.

This blog was dedicated to sex scenes but I cannot let go without talking about time factor and credibility. You all know those are my pet peeves.

I am not sure why those factors are hardly taken into consideration by most of the authors. Why is that?

I mean it is not hard to understand that jumping the bones of a guy within the next few hours and fell in love because he was super good in bed is totally stretchy no? Yes it is a romance. Yes the fantasy to jump someone’s bones is a nice fantasy but there are limits. My fantasy is to think that the story I am reading can be possible in real life. That is MY fantasy. But trust me, I know the difference between fantasy and real life.

I am not sure to understand why weeks instead of hours or months instead of weeks make all the difference but it does for me. If a woman is rejected for example, everything is way amplified if she spend months alone. She has to go thru a roller coaster of emotions that are true. I can relate to this heroine vs a character that is so not credible that I loose interest to know her better.

Thank you for reading me up to this point! Hey! At least you learned our national food delicacies: the poutine! (ahem better than McDo anyway!)

Those are my thoughts for today. Now… back to my erotic menage reviews…

About Mary’s Menages Reviews

I am an Erotic Ménage Romance Reviewer middle-aged french canadian, curious of everything with a very open mind. Homophobia and censorship are NOT part of my vocabulary! So it was no surprise that when I discovered ménage stories in 2005, I decided then and there that I would read only this genre after that. I am proud of my collection and to promote this genre. My reviews are based on reading so many of them. I am passionate and can be sarcastic if something bothers me but I am always honest, never mean! Welcome to my ménage world! ~ Mary~

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