Write to Fiona Caine if you have a relationship, sexual, marriage or family problem. You can also email her (mail@askfiona.net). All letters are treated in complete confidence. Fiona regrets she cannot enter into personal correspondence nor pass letters on to other readers.

Q. I'm 18 and have been going out with my girlfriend for four months. We get on brilliantly, have a lot in common and I have strong feelings for her. When I first met her I knew she was older than me, as she had two children, but I assumed she was about 22 or 23, which is what she looked.

I have just found out she is 34! After the initial shock, I now feel it isn't a problem in itself. I'm worried, though, by other factors such as the reaction of her parents and our friends. Do such age gaps make a difference long term? Everyone thinks she is in her early 20s and I'm wondering if I should let them carry on believing this or not.

Is this relationship doomed? The longer I leave it the stronger my feelings will become for her. Should I end it now?

A. You've really answered this yourself by saying you don't really regard the age difference itself as a problem. What seems to be bothering you more is how other people will see this relationship. But, if you and this lady are happy together, does this really matter?

I do have some concerns around whether or not she kept her real age a secret from you. You're both now aware of the age difference and presumably are prepared to go on seeing each other. As long as you are both open and honest about things, why let what other people's attitudes spoil this new relationship? You've got the opportunity here for a genuine loving relationship and that's not to be discarded lightly.

I do suggest, however, you take things slowly at first. This relationship is relatively new and, as such, you owe it to yourself to get to know this woman a little better before letting things get too serious.

Q. I love my boyfriend but not his family. They seem to have taken against me right from the start. His parents ignore me and his brother is just downright offensive. This is a big problem because he has invited us to his wedding in a couple of months. My boyfriend knows how I feel and it's not easy for him being stuck in the middle of this. However, I really don't want to go to this wedding.

When I last refused to visit his family it sparked a furious row and I know if I try to avoid this it's going to cause problems. I do feel quite strongly about it, though. The bottom line is, they don't like me and I don't like them. So to go to a family wedding just seems hypocritical. What can I do?

A. Any serious relationship brings with it the potential hazard of a partner's family. Your boyfriend clearly seems to want some level of contact with his family and so, if you want to be with him, you are going to have to cope with them, at least occasionally.

There's no point in ignoring things hoping they will resolve themselves - they won't. You and he need to talk. Try to find out how important it is to him that you go to this wedding. Make sure he understands you have been hurt by his family's reaction to you and you'd rather not be hurt again. If he feels it is important, then put on your best frock and you best smile and keep your cool, at least on the day.

If he would just as happily go on his own, your problem is solved - at least on this occasion. Only you can decide if, in the long term, your relationship is so important it is worth putting up with his family. One solution might be to avoid regular contact but go to major events like weddings and funerals.

Q. I left my husband three years ago when I realised that I was gay. I've had a couple of lesbian relationships since then and it has not been easy for family and children to deal with this. However, I have done what I can to be discreet. And that's my problem - I never know when, or if, I should tell people that I am gay.

This has made me reluctant to make friends and, since my last relationship ended last year, I've pretty much avoided socialising. I now feel very lonely and depressed. I have accepted I am gay so why can't I deal with this? What's wrong with me?

A. Why do prospective friends needs to be told you are gay? Does it really matter? A genuine friend would like you for who you are.

You may have accepted you are gay but I suspect you're struggling to deal with what other people might think. To talk through these issues I think you'd find it helpful to contact the Gay and Lesbian Switchboard on 020 7837 7324 (www.llgs.org.uk).