Make the first move

Mon, 02 Jul 2012 10:16 AM

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Everybody who joins online dating wants to meet new people and potentially go on some dates. Once you’ve signed up it can be tempting to sit back and wait for the messages to come rolling in, and then feel disappointed when you don’t receive many.

If this has happened to you, it’s because you've ignored the golden rule of online dating - to be proactive. If you want those dates, you have to go out and grab them.

It's no use being a wallflower. The quickest route to success is to apply a bit of elbow grease and be a really active member on the site.

A simple way to let people know that their profile has caught your eye is to add them to your favourites. This is especially useful if you feel a bit nervous of immediately sending them a message, as it demonstrates your interest without putting you on the spot.

If they favourite you back then you'll know that the feeling is mutual and can feel confident in sending them a message. Favouriting someone is a great icebreaker – think of it as a flirty glance across a crowded room.

Though adding people to your favourites is a great start, there's no getting around the fact that sending messages is the ultimate in proactive online dating behaviour, and the best thing you can do to improve your chances.

Send 10 messages to 10 different people every day in order to increase your chances of meeting the right kind of people. It may sound like a lot, but it's guaranteed to get your inbox active and get you out on some dates.

Don't send the same message to everyone with only the name at the top changed. Generic "cut and paste" messages can generally be spotted a mile off and aren't likely to get you very far with your prospective date.

People like to know that you've read their profile and are sending them something personal, so be sure to include some detail from their narrative. It might be the smallest detail, like "I see we have a passion for gardening in common", but it will give your potential date something to respond to.

Another good way of garnering a response to your message is to ask a question. Try and make it an open question, for example "What do you like to grow in your garden?" as opposed to "Do you grow hollyhocks?"

Some people won't reply to your messages, so you'll need to develop a bit of a thick skin and chalk those no-replies up to experience. The fact is that the more messages you send, the more you'll receive and you'll barely notice that some people haven't messaged you back. It really is worth taking the risk and messaging anyone and everyone who takes your fancy; be brave and you'll reap the rewards.