Friday Night Lights: It’s the bad steroid episode! In other news, Tim still feels bad about banging his paralyzed best friend’s girlfriend. Gives Street his game ball as an even-steven trade.

WEDNESDAY

Dancing with the Stars: Fan favorite and NFL Hall-of-Famer Emmitt Smith beats out Saved by the Bell‘s A.C. Slater as Lord of the Dance. Slater’s partner/possible fuck buddy refers to Slater as “her castle.”

South Park: Because a show can never have too many Crocodile Hunter jokes. This week, a little boy’s chance of beating cancer is directly tied to his pee-wee hockey team winning the big game. Team coach Stan is warned that if the match is lost “that boy is going to die faster than Steve Irwin in a tank of stingrays.”

THURSDAY

Ugly Betty: Thanksgiving episode=visit from Santa Stewart.

The O.C.: In this week’s O.C. Deathwatch, Cagefighting Ryan is replaced with Let’s Get Physical Ryan! Episode opens with a Ryan-running-along-the-beach montage to the tune of R.E.M.’s “Orange Crush.” Made Eye yearn for the days of Rooney.