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Project Wonderful

Panel 1
Person 1: (speaking to Robot Hugs) So… when did you come out of the closet?

Panel 2
Robot Hugs (RH): This is not an unusual question. It always gives me pause though. What does this mean?

Panel 3
Person 2: (speaking to two people) Mom, Dad, I love you, and I just wanted to tell you that I’m… I’m [gay, bi, asexual, genderqueer, trans…]

Panel 4
RH: Coming out can be scary, and brave, and risky, and cathartic, and freeing, and dangerous, and joyous, and heartbreaking.

Panel 5
Mom: Get out. Don’t talk to us until you’ve stopped this nonsense.

Panel 6
RH: The stories that are told about queer lives often seem to follow this path:

Panel 7
Text: Confusion.

Person 3: Why… why don’t I feel like other people feel? Am I broken?

Text: Self Denial.

Person 3: There’s no way I just don’t feel sexual attraction. See? I’m in a great, perfect, sexy relationship right now. Everything is perfect.

Text: Self Realization.

Person 3: Ooh… Yeah. I’m asexual. That is a thing I am.

Text: Closet.

Person 3: I can’t tell anyone about this. I have to act normal.

Text: Coming out.

Person 3: (speaking to a group of three people) Okay, I have to tell you all, I’m asexual. That means I’m not interested in having sexual relationships with people. It’s just who I am.

Text: Conflict.

Mom: How will you ever be happy?

Person 3: You have to accept me for who I am.

Text: Acceptance.

Person 3: Now I will go on and live my life in happy, asexual, peace forever.

Panel 8
RH: What does this assume?

Panel 9
Text: That queer identity building is a linear path.

Person 4: My journey was about as straight as I am…

Panel 10
Text: That we only ever come out once, and we do it all at once.

Person 5: I’m out to my friends and work, but I still need to tell my sister…

Panel 11
Text: That there is only ever one thing to come out about.

Person 6: I identified as queer long before I identified as trans.

Panel 12
Person 7: Hey, what’s with that closet thing?

RH: Closets are built for us. Closets are created by social and structural expectations about who we are supposed to be, and the consequences of defying that.

Panel 13
Person 8: (holding a small baby) He’s already flirting with all the ladies!

Panel 14
Person 9: (snatching a doll from a small child) Boys don’t play with dolls.

Panel 15
Person 10: (with their arm around another person) When you meet the right man…

Panel 16
Person 11: (speaking to a young person) Trannies are men who think they are women. They are unwell.

Panel 17
Person 12: You’d look so pretty if you wore dresses.

Panel 18
RH: And there’s a lot of reasons people stay in closets.

Panel 19
Person 13: I’m waiting until I can move out from my dad’s home.

Panel 20
Person A: I’ll present as my correct gender after I move cities, I can just start over there.

Panel 21
Person B: I’m not ready for the kinds of reactions I’ll get from my friends.

Panel 22
Person C: It’s not safe to be out in my community.

Panel 23
RH: Coming out is often understood as the moment in a person’s life where they finally tell a group of people such as family or friends about how they have some kind of queer sexual orientation or gender identity.

Panel 24
RH: When we talk about closets and coming out, we’re really talking about how we occupy identities and spaces that run counter to social norms. In short, when you come out, you have to explicitly declare yourself as “other,” as “not normal,” as “unexpected.”

Panel 25
RH: This means that by having to be closeted, and by having to come out, we are basically being asked to validate that there are more predictable, more acceptable, less problematic identities that we could have held.

Panel 26
RH: It is dependent on the acknowledgement of a default.

(A piece of paper is shown with a checkbox form that includes “Male” and “Female.” Someone has written in “Neither” in red pen and x-ed out that box.)

Panel 27
RH: I mean, you can’t really come out as something that’s not socially stigmatized.

Panel 28
Person 14: Mom…Dad…I, I have something important to tell you and I’m not sure how you’re going to respond to this information. But, uh… like lizards. I think they’re neat. I kind of want one as a pet one day.

Dad: I’ll have no lizard lovers under my roof!

Panel 29
RH: Okay, maybe in your family…

Panel 30
RH: This is why it doesn’t really make sense to “come out of the closet” as straight or cis.

Person 15: I’m just showing solidarity!

Panel 31
RH: I get what you’re trying to do, I really do. You’re showing that our identities are as valid as yours by declaring your identity the same we have to. But your declaration does not carry the same very real risks as ours, and to a lot of people, it feels uncomfortable and empty as a gesture.

Panel 32
Person 15: What should I do then?

RH: I’d really rather you show, in both your language and actions, that you are working to maintain a safer space for people of all identities in your social, political, or work spaces. Dismantle the things around you that build closets for people.

Panel 33
RH: Being out means a lot of different things to a lot of different people.

Panel 34
Person 16: Coming out was powerful for me! I make myself visible, I declare who I am. I make my identity impossible to ignore!

Person 17: I read as pretty normal, and if I’m not explicit about being out, I feel invisible. I hate knowing that everyone around me is assuming that I’m something I’m not.

Person 18: It’s not safe for me to be open about my gender identity, but I strongly object to the idea that this makes me “closeted.”

Panel 35
RH: For myself, I really don’t like it. I’m tired of my gender, my relationships, my orientation, my sex, my love, and my very existence being pretty much defined as not normal. I’m tired of these being areas of fascination and scrutiny for the world at large.

Panel 36
RH: I don’t come out because I have nothing to come out about. This is my life. This is how it’s shaped. I don’t want to be “out,” I just want to be.

Panel 37
RH: I think a lot of our lives would be helped by making sure we’re not requiring people to have to deal with our assumptions.

Panel 38
Person 19: (speaking to another person) Are you bringing a girlfriend or wife to the your end event?

Text: Vs.

Person 19: (speaking to the same other person) Are you bringing a partner to the year end event?

Panel 39
RH: (with a thought cloud that shows a rainbow over a green field) I think sometimes about a world without closets, where correcting someone about who we are or talking about our lives doesn’t involve social or physical risk. I think about a space where being yourself, whatever that is in that moment and in that environment, isn’t a political or radical statement.

Panel 40
Person 20: (whose body is hidden behind a closet door and whose hand is sticking out) Until then, this is the best place for me!

RH: I hear you. Would you like a lizard to keep you company?

Person 20: …yes, please.

(The closet door is shown shut.)

(The closet door is shown cracked open a little.)

(The closet door is open a bit more and Person 20 is peeking out of it.)

This comic was originally posted on Everyday Feminism on March 18, 2015. Closets are kind of a thing for me because anytime someone asks me when i ‘came out of the closet’ i want to be like CLOSETS ARE SOCIAL CONSTRUCTS BASED ON OPPRESSIVE NORMS AROUND ACCEPTABLE IDENTITIES but that isn’t the answer people generally want.