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Sunday, 11 September 2011

I Need Catnip!

I've just found the purr-fect spot for my new catnip garden. Now all I have to do is send a human to obtain the catnip and plant it for me.

Here at headquarters, it has been another stressful week. (This is why I need my catnip - do you hear that humans?)

The industrial dispute with the Rat Collective shows no sign of being resolved. (And putting on a new rat, Montgomery, did not help. He may be black and white and look like he could be my little brother - but he's rat through and through.) Now they say that unless I stop saying mean things about them, they are going to have rolling stoppages. I said that Chester Rat is so fat that if he starts rolling he'll never be able to have a stoppage. Rupert Rat says if I keep that up I can explain myself to the Industrial Commission and the RSPCA.

The humans are all taking the day off because one of them is having a birthday. Big deal! I have a birthday every year too, but no-one makes a fuss of that.

This one asked Mum to make her a cake with a bird on it. Sure, Mum said, she could do that. I ask Mum for a bird cake every year, and Mum tells me I'm a bad cat and leave the budgies alone. The whole world discriminates against cats. It's jealousy of course, everyone hates that cats are superior in every way.

So, I'm off to dig in my garden a bit, preparing for my catnip plants. Have fun out there in the bloggosphere.

Books by Iris, available in paperback and ebook versions, from:

Patchwork

Patchwork is an anthology of short stories and poems by author and blogger Iris Carden. In this volume, you will deal with the aftermath of a dog bite in Bad Moon Rising, spend a sleepless night with The Possum in the Roof, and investigate a weird religious cult in The Time of Blood and Death. The print version of the book has a bonus story not in the eBook version.

Beside Still Waters

A book of sermons and brief reflections on Christian Scripture, by Rev Iris Carden. There is no specific order to the items in the book, they are intended to each be a "surprise" in that they are not related to the items around them. It is hoped that in each, the reader will find something new or special, or unexpected, a message from God. Rev Iris Carden has a Master's Degree in Theology and more than 10 years of experience as a Christian minister

Cat-it-orial

Mr Bumpy is such a talented cat, he even runs his own website: mrbumpycat.com. He is a blogger, and a very bad cat. His favourite hobby is world domination. His next hobby is harassing the humans and other animals he shares a home with. In this book, you can see the world through the eyes of a megalomanicat, and some of the other animals who share his home.

Group Meeting

(Novella) In a facility for people recovering from mental illness: a group of people with sinister pasts starts to be visited by a girl who doesn't exist.

Karlee

Failing author Terry Dixon is made an offer that seems unbelievable. He can have all of his problems solved, have everything he has ever wanted, for a price. The price is something that "will not be too difficult" for him to pay - but it is not specified what it actually will be. With bills mounting up and a deadline looming, Terry agrees to a deal with something he knows nothing about.

About the Author

Iris Carden is a retired Uniting Church minister and former journalist. Lupus forced her to stop working. On good days she writes.

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Bloggercat at Work

Mr Bumpy on the computer.

Lunch Break

It's not that hard - open fridge, get cat food.

About Mr Bumpy

My name's Mr Bumpy. I spend a lot of time on the computer. (The humans I allow to live with me sometimes complain about me being on the computer - but they're mere humans, what do they know?)

My greatest achievements to date are: throwing Miss C's mobile phone out the window during the night; explaining to the dog who is boss; putting a mouse in Mum's slipper; bringing a live snake into the house and playing with it under the birdcage; and getting my own cat biscuits out of the bag when the humans are too slow to do as they're told.

I do have some help with my blog here - my "Mum" a human named Iris does some of my typing for me. She's OK as humans go, so you might want to check out her blogs some time. And of course, there's a dog and some rats and budgies, but you're really not interested in them.

You can contact me (or any of the rest of the Mr Bumpy Cat Dot Com team) at: contact@mrbumpycat.com