I don't know about you, but I prefer to spend as little time as possible on the cylinder in the sky. Every time I make a trip, I'm baffled at the amount of people that corral the desk at the gate waiting for their zone to be called so they can scramble on board as quick as possible. For what?! Congrats, you are now the first one in your seat, an aisle seat at that, and will have to get up 18 times to make way and accommodate the rest of us idiot passengers who took our time. By the way, have you noticed these are the SAME passengers that are the first to rip their seat belts off the second the seat belt sign turns off upon landing? They are upright in the aisle immediately throwing elbows to ensure no one encroaches on their space so they can run right off the plane. HELLO -- ever notice the methodology in deplaning? One aisle at a time dip shit. Wait your turn, we all want off.

The Black SharpieWhy the hell is this thing called a "magic marker"? What is so magical about it? I don't know about you but my Sharpies don't pull rabbits out of hats or tell me my mystery card is the five of diamonds. It just ends up getting shit all over my hands that doesn't come off for days. What's magical about that? I'm calling bullshit.

The Random Mall Massage Kiosk

Is shopping really that stressful that you feel it's immediately necessary to have a random Asian man, rub you down in front of hundreds of passer-byers?

Trust me, if you're already stressed you'll likely not feel better when learning how much of a jackass you look like with your head plunged in that donut thing and your ass crack hanging out.

Conversations In The Dental Chair

This one needs no explanation. How the hell do you expect me to answer your questions while you're plunging hardware in my mouth? It's okay, I know you don't care about what's happened in my life in the past six-months. I won't be offended if you do not ask.

Posting "Horrible" Pictures

NEWSFLASH: No one posts a bad picture of themselves. Ever.

If you post a picture of yourself on social media and quickly comment saying "This is a horrible picture of me..." we all know you're lying. You haven't posted a picture of yourself in 2 years and the first one you decide to post is a horrible one? Yeah...okay.

All you are required to do is answer five quick survey questions then fill out the form. Deluxe samples that may be included are Pixi Flawless Beauty Primer, Jergens Daily Moisure lotion, L’Oreal EverCreme hair care, Fekkai Glossing hair care, and Clear Scalp & Hair Therapy hair care. You typically receive your free sample within 8 to 10 weeks.

Bath & Body Works is offering a FREE mini-candle of your choice valid this weekend only through October 28th. Claim the offer here on facebook and then either print the coupon or pull it up on your phone when shopping in store -- it's that easy!

When I gave birth a few years ago, placenta encapsulation wasn't getting nearly as much press as it does today. There is an abundance of information, along with plenty stories, studies and recently an overwhelming amount of acontroversial opinions. I wanted to share with you a story from someone who has chosen placenta encapsulation as part of her birthing plan and how it's assisted her through her transition into motherhood.

Thank you Courtney, for sharing!

Hello, my name is Courtney Blake. I would like to tell you about my experience with Placenta Encapsulation. I have had a very pleasant postpartum period and believe that choosing to consume my placenta via Placenta Encapsulation is a very big reason why. It really does make sense when I think about it.

The placenta grows as the baby grows and it holds all kinds of hormones and nutrients. Where do those nutrients go after my baby is born? Well, usually the placenta is discarded or used for medical experimentation. I chose to take my placenta home and send it off for encapsulation. My older sister had her placenta encapsulated and encouraged me to look in to it. Our mother had terrible postpartum depression with her last pregnancy (me) and my sister wanted to try consuming her placenta as a means of avoiding postpartum depression. Because she claimed that it worked and she was glad that she consumed her placenta, I took the steps to have mine encapsulated as well.

After doing some research, I also discovered that placenta consumption could help to prevent excessive bleeding, iron-loss, help my uterus shrink back to its normal size, increase energy, help with insomnia, and help with milk production. Why isn't everyone doing this?

I was sold. I did my research, contacted a somewhat-local encapsulator and spoke with my Midwives about it at several appointments. Because I was having a hospital birth, I knew that I would have to address the hospital staff as well. When I went in to have my baby, I made sure to show my birth plan to all of the hospital staff and I even attached a separate "Placenta Plan", that basically requested that no chemicals be put on my placenta and that is was promptly put on ice and saved for me.I brought my own little cooler to the hospital and arranged for my dad to take it home and then overnight it to the encapsulator for me.

The encapsulator received my overnighted placenta, encapsulated it using the Tradtional Chinese Method and shipped my pills to me within a few days.

I figured that the capsules would help me, but I had no idea to what extent. I was skeptical, but hopeful. I took my first dose and didn't feel a whole lot different. But after my second and third doses, I could tell that they were actually helping.After I had Alice, I had this "cry hour". Well actually it was a "cry three hours". I would weep from about 5p-8p nightly, until the placenta capsules arrived. Then I noticed that my "cry hour" went away, I had more energy and was actually, truly enjoying being a new Mama.

I was so grateful. I took the capsules for about three weeks regularly and then tapered off to when I felt I needed an emotional boost. I still have some left (my placenta was huge and yielded an unusually large amount of capsules) and I still take them for those occassional, "raw" emotional days. They never fail to help.I want to share this with all the women I possibly can because I believe that placenta consumption truly does help women in so many ways. Many mammals (cats and dogs) do it, and yes there is argument that they only do it to keep the birthing area clean, but the hormonal aspect and replenishing the body right away with what is just lost makes complete sense to me.

I have become so passionate about placenta consumption that I have started helping women consume their own placenta by becoming a placenta encapsulator myself. I work out of my home in Ann Arbor, Michigan and serve women all over the United States.If you are curious about Placenta Encapsulation and would like more information please visit my website at: www.mothersown.org or email Courtney at: mothersown@live.com. Don't forget to follow us on Facebook here.

Disclaimer: The views in mommymodern.com guest posts, may not necessarily be the direct views of the blog/website owner. We solicit and accept guest postings in the best interest of the reader to provide opinions, stories and helpful knowledge. Please be sure to research any topic discussed as all topics on mommymodern.com are those direct views of the poster.

Shortly after giving birth to my daughter, I found myself feeling lost and battling with finding my individuality. It was a significant struggle for me for quite some time. I have to say as great as it is being the end all and be all for this one amazing human being that you created, it can some time leave you feeling a little lost and confused on exactly who YOU are. My entire being and existence shifted focus, which had taken quite a toll on me mentally. I was no longer the young, vibrant, go-getting and motivated professional that had it all together (at least that's how I perceived myself). I was a mother, and that was it. It was solely my job to provide for this new human life that relied on me for absolutely everything. Make-up was a thing of the past. Bi-monthly trips to the salon... history. Hell, some days I was thankful to get a one minute fourteen second shower to scrape off whatever lovely bodily fluid my daughter left behind on me! I gotta tell you -- motherhood wasn't all I thought it was going to be.

See, no one tells you these things. Whenever parents (mostly women) speak about their infants, they talk about how "wonderful" it is and how they "can't remember life before". When speaking quite openly and honestly with some of my great girlfriends, we've determined that's a load of crap. No new parent will flat out say "this sucks and surely isn't what I expected", okay...maybe a man. Anyhow, we're trained by society not to speak honestly about the trials and tribulations of becoming a new parent because "you should be grateful god damnit!" Whoa...pump the brakes! Struggling through anything in life and being vocal about it, doesn't mean that we're ungrateful, just that we are struggling. If a young woman who is battling anorexia/bulimia comes to you for support or advice, you're not going to say --"Get real. You should be grateful you even have food. There's starving people all over this world."

Do you see how ridiculous this is? Why, as a woman, was I made to feel that my feelings of inadequacy after child birth were invalid and even more so, uncommon? These aren't uncommon feelings or thoughts, just uncommonly spoken.

I know that as time progresses, we often forget how it was to be a new mother and in that seemingly never-ending stage. We are reminded of this through our parents who are now grandparents. After they get a few solid hours with their grand kids, you can see the delight on their face when you return and they get to hand them off. I very much appreciate their exhaustion as well as their admittance of it with comments like "Boy, she's got some energy. I don't know how you do it." That definitely helps me feel like I'm superwoman -- and it's MUCH needed.

I'll never forget some of the best, and most honest advice, that came from my sister just after my daughter arrived. I remember her telling me to enjoy the first few months while the baby slept and I remember thinking -- "What?!?! Are you saying this is the easy part?!?" and being terrified of what's to come. She then explained it to me this way... Each stage you will love, hate and then miss terribly once it's gone. Those who tell you that it gets better, are lying. It doesn't get better, it just gets different. With each new stage comes a new obstacle, a new lesson and another way for you to feel inadequate about what you've done thus far. Take every miraculous moment, no matter how rare they may be, and cherish it, because it goes by fast.

She was 100% right.

So, it's days like today where I've spent most of the day frustrated and trying to find ways to kill time that I try to reflect and remember that although these days, and many more to come, will definitely be hard, to take that miraculous moment and cherish it.

At this stage, I've personally found a balance that works for me on most days. I have my good days, and my bad, but always try to appreciate the gift I've been given in unconditional love from this mini-me that runs around screaming "Mommy," all day long. I have accepted that no matter what I am forever changed and will no longer be defined as the young, go-getting professional, and I'm okay with that. I'm okay with knowing that I do the absolute best I can every day at what I do do, even though majority of that is simply being mom. Because through all the ups and downs of parenting, the societal judgments, feelings of inadequacy, millions of tears and pressure to be the perfect parent -- hearing "Mommy, I love you" is the best gift this woman could ever ask for.

To all the new mommies out there, stay strong -- we know it sucks. I promise, the rewards for your relentless, unrecognized and under-appreciated work are around the corner. YOU'RE DOING A GREAT JOB!

Personal idea as well if you're looking for a time-killer... Have your kids organize the ingredients into the bins for you and let them be helpful. As crazy as it sounds, I LOVED doing that kind of stuff when I was little and I think you may be surprised that yours may like it too!

Now, I am a HUGE fan of candy corn, but I know not everyone loves the taste. Here's a simple and fun recipe from Baked Perfection, on how to make candy corn themed pretzels. I can't wait to try these!!

To melt chocolate, empty contents of 1 bag of candy coating into microwave safe bowl and microwave in 30 second intervals stirring between until the chocolate is melted consistently (melt the 2nd bag of white chocolate when the 1st bag is just about finished). Using only the unbroken pretzels place the pretzels into the chocolate, covering them completely. Use a fork to "fish" the pretzels from the chocolate shaking the fork back and forth to remove any extra chocolate. Place the pretzels on the parchment lined baking sheet.

If you are going to decorate with sprinkles or colored sugar make sure to sprinkle the pretzels before the chocolate hardens.

To decorate with drizzled chocolate, place chocolate in a sandwich bag on a microwave safe dish and microwave in 30 second intervals moving the chocolate around between. Using scissors, cut the very tip off the sandwich bag. The smaller your cut, the smaller the drizzle. Use the sandwich bag to pipe the chocolate back and forth over the hardened chocolate covered pretzels until you reach the desired look. When the drizzle has hardened (you can put them in the freezer to speed up the process) break off any extra chocolate with your fingers or the back end of a fork or spoon.

Note: This recipe is copied here directly from Baked Perfection as locating the link to the initial recipe is tricky to find.

The other day I was doing some shopping at a local grocery store and upon check-out I found myself observing the woman in front of me in line. At first, I was marveling after her mild mannered and well behaved child sitting calmly in the front "child designated" area of the cart -- completely envious -- while mine was screaming "No Mommy, I want M's", falling out on the floor in a complete tantrumwhile I threw my few necessities on the belt.

Note: M's are aka M & M's. Another great habit she picked up from her mother who mistakenly gave her some out of desperation one day.

After giving into the terror and things calmed down quite nicely, I noticed her handing the clerk a nice cloth carry bag that was filled with 5 bottles of wine. Now, my observation wouldn't have gone this deep had the clerk not needed to do a price check on two of the five bottles prolonging what was sure to be the end of the world if my kid ran out of M's. Anyhow... I got to thinking.

This woman, this mother, can seemingly purchase 5 bottles of wine on her weekly shopping trip, ON A MONDAY, and rightfully so receive no oogly eyes or no judgement from me. What kind of response do you think I'd get strolling up to the check-out lane with my crazy side-kick in tow as well as 5 bottles of flavored vodka? Other than the cute cloth bag that's not provided when you purchase excessive amounts of vodka, what's the difference folks?!?!?

Social acceptability. Cost. Appearance.

That's the difference. Somehow society has made it acceptable for us to "wind down" each evening with a glass of wine and no mention ever made of the good "hard stuff". Funny thing is, the "hard stuff" has the same alcohol content as a glass of wine. 5 oz. of wine = 1.5 oz of distilled liquor. Not so "hard" anymore, huh?

When I went to a rare dinner out, oops I mean "book club" meeting, with two of my girlfriends that night, I watched them both order wine and have two (okay maybe three) glasses. Now, if I wasn't pregnant, I would've ordered vodka cocktails proudly and wouldn't think twice about it. I asked one of my friends later, "When the hell did you start drinking wine?" To which her response was simply, it's cheaper. At least she's honest because I know she' d much prefer a skinny bitch (vodka and diet coke) or a martini. However, it sprung a conversation between us about what I had encountered earlier at the grocery store and asked her take on it. She agreed with me. If you're having people over or a dinner party, at our age (30), it's much more socially acceptable to have a few bottles of wine lining your counter tops instead of various Stoli's. It makes us appear as sophisticated and not like we're still living our early 20's catching dollar well vodka drinks before 11 at the bar.

Why is this people?!?! If that woman in the grocery store is buying 5 bottles on her weekly trip the store, one can only assume they are throwing back a bottle a night which would equate to my husband and I each consuming two-three cocktails a piece. If we're all honest, isn't the end result all the same? We want a buzz, damnit! Life's a bitch -- we need a release -- even if it's through booze allowing us to live our fantasy's through denial! I don't care what you drink, just go to your happy place.

As I pay the clerk at the grocery store and head on my way with no M & M's remaining and a chocolate smile from ear to ear staring back at me it hits me like a ton of bricks --- those 5 bottles of wine are THE reason why that woman was so relaxed and her kid so well behaved.

Cheers to you and your choice of beverage! However at your next dinner party remember, I prefer vodka. Thank you.