Paris Hilton, Cocaine, Vagina, "Pro": Take A Guess.

And now, for your shameless SEO bait-post of the day, this, via Ian Undercover: "That's why the first thing she asked the cops in Vegas was to use the bathroom," the source named "Caroline" told IUC. Haven't figured it out yet?

"She knew it would be her only chance to hide the cocaine and avoid arrest. Paris is not as dumb as she seems. She's one of the most clever and manipulative people one can ever meet. And she thinks quick, just like she did in Vegas. She has cat like reflexes." The friend claims that Hilton has eluded airport security in the past by stashing the drugs in a lubricated condom before placing it in her vagina. "That's what I've heard from a very good source, she's a pro at it," "Caroline" told IUC.

Just so we're clear:

Paris Hilton is:

Not as dumb as she seems.

Clever.

Manipulative.

Thinks quick.

Has "cat-like reflexes."

Is a "pro" at stashing cocaine in her vagina.

Somehow, I find myself questioning the veracity of this report simply based on the contradictory fact that she was just arrested for cocaine possession. One of her excuses was that she thought it was gum; another is that she was holding onto it for a friend.

Questions:

1. Is there one cop in America who believes that Paris Hilton doesn't know what cocaine looks like?

2. Is there one cop in America who believes that Paris Hilton doesn't hold cocaine for friends, but has friends who hold cocaine for her?

3. Also: Paris Hilton? Did we just step into the Wayback Machine? This is not impressive to the public, Paris Hilton. The public is no longer impressed until Snookie gets caught inside a Slurpee machine with a stolen Kate Spade bag on a head full of acid, screaming about how she's trying to "smoosh" the universe.