I am Dr. Bakare Tunde, the cousin of Nigerian Astronaut, Air Force Major Abacha Tunde. He was the first African in space when he made a secret flight to the Salyut 6 space station in 1979. He was on a later Soviet spaceflight, Soyuz T-16Z to the secret Soviet military space station Salyut 8T in 1989. He was stranded there in 1990 when the Soviet Union was dissolved. His other Soviet crew members returned to earth on the Soyuz T-16Z, but his place was taken up by return cargo. There have been occasional Progrez supply flights to keep him going since that time. He is in good humor, but wants to come home.

In the 14-years since he has been on the station, he has accumulated flight pay and interest amounting to almost $ 15,000,000 American Dollars. This is held in a trust at the Lagos National Savings and Trust Association. If we can obtain access to this money, we can place a down payment with the Russian Space Authorities for a Soyuz return flight to bring him back to Earth. I am told this will cost $ 3,000,000 American Dollars. In order to access the his trust fund we need your assistance."

"There is something fundamentally wrong in treating the Earth as if it were a business in liquidation." Herman E Daly

I am Dr. Bakare Tunde, the cousin of Nigerian Astronaut, Air Force Major Abacha Tunde. He was the first African in space when he made a secret flight to the Salyut 6 space station in 1979. He was on a later Soviet spaceflight, Soyuz T-16Z to the secret Soviet military space station Salyut 8T in 1989. He was stranded there in 1990 when the Soviet Union was dissolved. His other Soviet crew members returned to earth on the Soyuz T-16Z, but his place was taken up by return cargo. There have been occasional Progrez supply flights to keep him going since that time. He is in good humor, but wants to come home.

In the 14-years since he has been on the station, he has accumulated flight pay and interest amounting to almost $ 15,000,000 American Dollars. This is held in a trust at the Lagos National Savings and Trust Association. If we can obtain access to this money, we can place a down payment with the Russian Space Authorities for a Soyuz return flight to bring him back to Earth. I am told this will cost $ 3,000,000 American Dollars. In order to access the his trust fund we need your assistance."

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out!

He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who s***s on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of s*** is your friend.
(3) And when you’re in deep s***, it’s best to keep your mouth shut!

"There is something fundamentally wrong in treating the Earth as if it were a business in liquidation." Herman E Daly

A tough old sheep farmer from northern England gave some advice to his granddaughter back at the start of the Great War in 1914.
He told her that the secret to a long life was to sprinkle a pinch of gunpowder onto her breakfast every morning.

The granddaughter followed this dictum religiously until her death at the venerable age of 109.

She left behind 14 children, 30 grandchildren, 45 great-grandchildren, 25 great-great-grandchildren and a forty foot hole where the crematorium used to be.

A teacher was explaining ambiguity to her class. She asked the class to identify every possible meaning of the phrase "I saw a man on a hill with a telescope"

Lucy said "it could mean that you looked out of your window with a telescope and saw a man standing on a hill"
James said "it could mean that you stood on a hill and looked through a telescope and saw a man"
Bella said "it could mean that you saw a man using a telescope while he was standing on a hill"
Steve said "it could mean that you were standing on a hill and could see a man using a telescope"

"Great answers, kids. As you can see, there are four different ways this sentence could be interpreted" the teacher replied.

At this moment, Little Jonny put his hand up and said "miss, they left out one."
"No" the teacher replied, "there are only four different meanings".
"I disagree", Little Jonny replied "it could also mean that you used a telescope to saw a man in half".
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An oldie - George W Bush was talking to grade 2 class, trying to explain what a tragedy is. He then asked the class for examples.

Olivier said "if my best friend was hit by a car, that would be a tragedy"
Bush replied "no, that would just be an accident"
Mark said "if a school bus fell off a cliff and all the kids died, that would be a tragedy"
Bush replied "no, that would just be a great loss"

There was silence.

After about a minute, little Jonny put his hand up and said "if a plane with you in it crashed, that would be a tragedy"
Bush replied "good example, and why would that be a tragedy?"
Little Jonny replied "because it wouldn't be an accident or a great loss"

"There is something fundamentally wrong in treating the Earth as if it were a business in liquidation." Herman E Daly