14. Rained Out

Ah, Sunday. Good ol’ Memorial Day weekend. Tomorrow is bound to be a very slow day a work. I really wish I didn’t have to tolerate this job, but right now it pays the bills. Barely, but it does. I have been thinking over the lizard thing, even if I start there full time and keep money tight, I really am barely going to get by, and definitely going to have to cut back on some things. I just cant shake this gut feeling I should really let go of this job. It’s great I have made it as far as I have, but the stress really isn’t worth for how under paid I am, especially since I’m not getting the hours I was told, so there for I’m not receiving the amount of money I was promised. On top of the fact, there are tons of jobs out there that will flow better with school once I start, and that offer me more. not only a higher hourly rate, but benefits, 401 k, ya know, the type of things I should really be investing in my life. I need those things, I need stability, what I want for my future requires it. How am I to expect my self to maintain, a company, a house, and a family, if the job getting me by, doesn’t even offer me medical, I have to fight tooth and nail to be treated as if I am the assistant of the store, and not just one of the kids sweeping the floor. Not one of the kids enjoy working for her, so they tell me. It’s a very uncomfortable position to be in, and I’m not quite sure fighting for the ‘respect’ is really even worth it. This isn’t a ‘big boy’ job in a sense, its a Qdoba. I’ve just simply out grown it.

This evening Ann and I went on that date. IT was suppose to be a trip to the Rib Burn off, but rain had other plans. So we went to dinner, went for dessert, then came back to my house and watched a little bit of Netflix. I took her home about 45 minutes ago. It was great spending time with her. Its just hard to know where to stand. Sometimes I feel like she’s really trying, other I feel like for some reason she’s just tolerating me. It all could just be the simple awkwardness of going from calling her ‘Baby’, and telling her I love her every day, to how it is now. Half the time I feel like its dry conversation, as if she doesn’t want to be having it, until I take a little while to message her back. Then suddenly she gets eager, and messages me, then other times she just doesn’t. I am just letting things flow, and sort them selves out, although a part of me is scared it wont work it’s self out.

she’s suppose to be my happy ending.

On a lighter note, for dessert I finally got to take her to this cookie place downtown. I’ve wanted to take Ann there before we broke up and she moved out. It was as great as I was expecting, but it was still really good. Oatmeal raisin for the win, with strawberry milk of course.

In the even I want to be awake at a decent time, not going to sleep until 6 am is not an option tonight. Not that sleeping til 9 is exactly sleeping in at that point, how ever I’d like to be wake by 7. Ideally, 6 am is the mark, though seeing as I’m not exactly tired, I don’t for see the sleeping early, or getting up early happening at all. I love insomnia.

Why in the world does one of my dog enjoy licking candles, she doesn’t eat them, she just licks them.