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What's Past is Past

Guess I have lived
long enough now to understand that there is definitely a reason for every
heartbreak; that there a certain purpose behind the universe’s plan even when
it’s in the form of a broken heart. There is a reason that someone was meant to
be there at some certain point in our life, whether it’s to give us lesson to
learn, or to give us bless to feel gratitude, or perhaps both. There is a
reason that someone was never meant to stay since the beginning, that someone
was meant to leave our life eventually, and even their departure would teach us
some lesson in the end. And that person was there to open up our senses and
make us understand ourselves better; what we really want and need in life. And
that person was there to break our heart and leave us in pain in order for us
to understand better the meaning of love. For no matter how devastating we were
back then, we will know when we know, that eventually, the past has become the
past. And we will understand when we understand, that eventually, love will
always begin again.

“And we walked down
the block to my car and I almost brought him up, but you start to talk about
the movies that your family watches every single Christmas. And I want to talk
about that. And for the first time what’s past is past.” –Taylor Swift, Begin Again

Today is the birthday
of my long-term ex-boyfriend, hence I feel quite nostalgic now. Not in the term
of like I’m missing him or I want to go back, but it’s more like the feeling of
being grateful for the moments that I created with him back then; the good
times and the bad times. And most of all, I feel grateful that he’s no longer
in my life now. And this one song fits really well with today’s mood. It’s
titled “Begin Again”, performed by one of my favorite singers, Taylor Swift. It
was released on October 1st 2012 and served as the second promotional single
taken from the singer’s fourth studio album, “Red”. The ballad country track
was solely written by Swift, and lyrically telling the story of someone who
finds themselves falling in love again after a failed relationship; a
beautiful ballad that tells the story of a girl who is pleasantly surprised by
a new guy who does everything right that the last guy did wrong. As Swift once
said about the song that it is about when you’ve gotten through a really bad
relationship and you finally dust yourself off and go on that first date after
a horrible breakup, and the vulnerability that goes along with all that; about finding
hope at the end of that tumultuous period.

"Begin Again" single cover | source: en.wikipedia.org

Whether we realize it
or not, every relationship that we share with other people is changing us in a
way. It shapes us and makes us who we are as a whole self; moreover, the
romance relationship. At times, we have to hold back something that we would
like to do, say, or have, just because our partner doesn’t like it. When we’re
crazily in love, we won’t realize that those simple things are only gradually
feeding our insecurity and making us feeling inferior. And that is not healthy.
And we only know it once we split up and got our heart broken. “Took a deep breath in the mirror, he didn’t
like it when I wore high heels, but I do. Turn the lock and put my headphones
on, he always said he didn’t get this song, but I do.” Hence we don’t put
many expectations for the next relationship. However, when it comes, we just know
that things actually can be better than before. “Walked in expecting you’d be late, but you got here early and you
stand and wave, I walk to you. You pull my chair out and help me in, and you
don’t know how nice that is, but I do.”

Broken heart is
killing our hopes. However, it’s not always bad; moreover, once we meet someone
that could exceed our expectation. And yes, that person is one of a kind and
he’s worth waiting for. I’ve been there and done that. And I know the feeling
because now I’ve met a person that has exceeded my expectation since I was
devastatingly broken years ago in my previous relationship. “You said you never met one girl who had as
many James Taylor records as you, but I do. We tell stories and you don’t know
why I’m coming off a little shy, but I do.” I’m kind of person that is very
hard to open up to people, particularly about very personal thing like broken
heart. Yet my current partner was able to make me open up about it. And I know
since then, he’s unlike the person I met before. He is different. And he is
better. “And we walked down the block to
my car and I almost brought him up, but you start to talk about the movies that
your family watches every single Christmas. And I want to talk about that. And
for the first time what’s past is past.”

He is better in the
sense that he can bring out the best in me. Hence he makes me better. And I’m
feeling better when I’m with him. I’m feeling the best with him; a feeling I
never thought I would feel when I was in my previous relationship. “You throw your head back laughing like a
little kid. I think it’s strange that you think I’m funny ‘cause he never did.
I’ve been spending the last eight months thinking all love ever does is break
and burn and end, but on a Wednesday in a cafe I watched it begin again.” I
have to admit that my whole previous relationship is not only crushing my
confidence but also destroying my ideal view on love, romance relationship, and
healthy partnership. And I’ve spent years not only trying to heal my own self
but also deconstructing my view. However, meeting my current partner has made
it a full circle. Getting to know him has been helping me to reconstruct my
view on love, romance relationship, and healthy partnership. Building
relationship with him has been helping me to gain my confidence. And I feel
grateful for it.

Taylor Swift in the music video of "Begin Again" | source: INFDaily

There is a reason for
every heartbreak. And this is the reason for my heartbreak. It was for
preparing me to build a better tomorrow. My ex-boyfriend has become the person
whom whenever I look back at my yesterdays I can boldly say: “You were a part
of me, but I’m grateful that you’re no longer in my life now.” My current
partner has become the person who brings me back my faith upon love; that no
matter how bad it was broken before, it can always begin again when the time is
right, and with the right person. My current partner has become the person who has
broaden my senses and made it coming into a full circle; that for me, finally,
what’s past is past and I’ve come to a closure with my own self. My current
partner has become the person who brings out the best in me; that eventually, I
can be with someone who is able to make me fit in my skin and feel the best feeling
I never know I’m worth it for. Broken relationship has made me feel like I
don’t deserve, but what I have with my current partner has changed it. And for
the first time, I know I deserve it.

“You throw your head
back laughing like a little kid. I think it’s strange that you think I’m funny
‘cause he never did. I’ve been spending the last eight months thinking all love
ever does is break and burn and end, but on a Wednesday in a cafe I watched it
begin again.”
–Taylor Swift, Begin Again

Took a deep breath in
the mirror, he didn’t like it when I wore high heels, but I do

Turn the lock and put
my headphones on, he always said he didn’t get this song, but I do, I do

Walked in expecting
you’d be late, but you got here early and you stand and wave, I walk to you

You pull my chair out
and help me in, and you don’t know how nice that is, but I do

And you throw your
head back laughing like a little kid

I think it’s strange
that you think I’m funny ‘cause he never did

I’ve been spending the
last eight months thinking all love ever does is break and burn and end

But on a Wednesday in
a cafe I watched it begin again

You said you never met
one girl who had as many James Taylor records as you, but I do

We tell stories and
you don’t know why I’m coming off a little shy, but I do

But you throw your
head back laughing like a little kid

I think it’s strange
that you think I’m funny ‘cause he never did

I’ve been spending the
last eight months thinking all love ever does is break and burn and end

But on a Wednesday in
a cafe I watched it begin again

And we walked down the
block to my car and I almost brought him up

But you start to talk
about the movies that your family watches every single Christmas

And I want to talk
about that, and for the first time what’s past is past

‘Cause you throw your
head back laughing like a little kid

I think it’s strange
that you think I’m funny ‘cause he never did

I’ve been spending the
last eight months thinking all love ever does is break and burn and end