My boobs are finally starting to mellow out from the engorgement stage. I am feeling the let-downs anytime I think about her being hungry, or anytime she starts grunting.

My mood and energy has lifted this week.

Most challenging moment?

My cracked nipple was a challenge. I knew how to fix it but I wasn’t expecting to feel this sort of pain with my second baby since I had breastfed Wyatt for two years. Not sure why this was my internal, no evidence based logic, but it was a surprise when it felt as though I had never breastfed before.

Also since I am starting this two weeks into postpartum I should go back to my first week when I returned home from the hospital. I would have a really hard time holding it if I had to go to the bathroom. I would find it challenging in the middle of the night changing my baby’s diaper and then realizing I needed to pee. I would put her in her bassinet and then run to the bathroom very rarely making it in time. I once was halfway through a diaper change and had no warning of needing to go and had to wake Eric up to finish changing her while I ran out of the room.

This is now a little bit better, but I have about a five second window to get to the bathroom before I can’t hold it anymore.

We took the babies out for breakfast to our favorite spot in Topanga Canyon. It was refreshing to get out of the house and be together as our little foursome.

Something you loved this week?

I just started feeling ready to walk a little again. So in the evenings we have started walking as a family after dinner. Its a great time to reflect on our day and talk about the week ahead.

Mama time?

What am I eating ?

My favorite Postpartum food has been Okayu or Rice porridge. My dear friend and postpartum doula has been making it for me with sesame spinach, smoked salmon, and a shoyu egg. There are great recipes in the book “The First Forty Days.” It’s been very comforting during the healing process.

My body

I am still feeling my uterus contract while I am feeding Esme in the evenings. I feel really good this week but I do get slammed with being tired out of nowhere and have to remind myself that this is very early, and healing is a process. I know should slow down a bit because my body is still adjusting and so is my baby. For the first week and a half I had trouble walking around. It felt as though all of my organs were weighing heavy on my bottom. Now that I have healed in some ways and stopped hurting, I am starting to feel more like myself again.

This was me on day 4. The postpartum body is nothing to be ashamed of. It takes time to transition back to what you feel is a normal weight for yourself. I don’t like to push it, and I like to look at my postpartum belly as a comfy place for my baby to lay.

Checking in.

Mental health is a big part of the postpartum period. Checking in and making sure you are taking care of yourself is very important. Eating great foods, taking your vitamins/ and or placenta pills, making sure you are drinking water.

I found myself hitting some lows in the first week. Being in pain, being exhausted, feeling guilty when my toddler wanted me to get on the floor and play with him and I couldn’t. He was having a hard time understanding why mommy was in bed for days. It was so weird for him, and made him act out. I saw him playing with my husband or nanny or my mom who came in town, and I would either be in bed or in a chair feeding our new baby, and I felt like my relationship with him was going to change. I felt scared of this disconnection he might feel between us, and I was feeling as though I was losing this special thing that we have. This week reflecting on my thoughts and feelings I realized that this period is so short, and so important for me to bond with my new baby. All the love and bonding that we have shared over the last three years will not be rocked by a few weeks of caring for myself and a newborn. The low that I was hitting was flooded with emotion and I know it was part of my hormonal dip. This came around day 5 and then again around day 10. I later found out day 5 is one of the hardest days for postpartum. I talked to Eric about my feelings and fears, and to some of my friends. It’s important to check in with yourself during this time. A constant positive reminder, the better we care for ourselves the better we can care for our little ones.