Plotting the extermination of the tie

Neckties – and bowties – were said to be decadent, un-Islamic and viewed as “symbols of the Cross” and the oppressive West.

He completely misses that they’re giant arrows pointing at the crotch. Walking around in just your pants would be more subtle. If they were worn by women they’d be banned in a heartbeat.

A UK campaign against the wearing of ties would of course be entirely virtuous on the basis of their ridiculousness, but a success would leave gaps in people’s concerns. Old people could no longer complain about tie-less BBC journalists, for example, and secretly flamboyant stockbrokers would have no way to express themselves other than Simpsons socks. And nobody wants that. Good news, friends – I have solutions: