Need perspective

As someone who spent way too long in an emotionally abusive relationship, I say: Get out, get out, GET OUT.

You are hanging on to the sweetness he shows you from time to time and you are mistaking it for love. It is not love, it is manipulation. You think if you somehow change your behaviour, you can get more of this sweetness from him. This is not how love works. Love is based on mutual respect - it does not require you to modify your behaviour, to be "better", "nicer", "prettier" etc., to be a dutiful pet obeying your master for treats.