Joy

A couple of years ago I read something that said that our life experience was completely under our control. Whoa, right? At the time I had unwittingly accepted that I just trudged through each day dealing with the crap that was dealt me the best I could. Basically, I was just getting by. When things were just too much, overindulging in alcohol, eating or spending, because dammit I deserved it! And then feeling guilt over the overindulgence and consequently feeling that all of the negativity that followed was deserved.

Becoming sick of this cycle, I decided to write down all of the things that I would change about my life experience if i had complete control! I sat and stared at the paper, maybe wrote something and erased it.....I felt guilty wanting more, I had a loving husband, healthy beautiful kids, a warm house, always food. Really what more did I deserve?

Two years later, after working through forgiveness, gratitude, purpose, and a bunch of false agreements I had made with myself, I decided what I would like to manifest first. If in fact, which I started to really believe, we could have utter creative control of our life experience what I wanted to have was abundant JOY. I committed to a little exercise for 30 days. Every morning I would close my eyes and go into my creative workshop. I would say first what it was that I wanted; "I want to be surrounded by people who are filled with joy and or people who actively want to be filled with joy. I want to be filled with joy. I want it and I expect it." I then would imagine how that would feel...like I already had it, literally I would feel a smile appear on my face and my heart would fill and endorphins would flow. The feeling of being in my creative workshop was enough for now....I often drifted there during the day more than my planned morning session. Questions arose, however. "What if negative people appear, how will I handle that?" It seems that up to this point my life experience had been full of negative, sad, hopeless people. If I was in control, why would I bring these people into my experience? I came to realize two things. 1. If you have no intention you have no control over the outcome. 2. If you focus on the negative in your life, that is what you will continue to bring to yourself. Truly! The thought I kept having was " I DON'T WANT TO BE SURROUNDED BY NEGATIVE PEOPLE ANYMORE" so my focus was on negative people and that's what kept coming my way.

I didn't realize how well my manifesting was going until this morning. The kids have been on Christmas break for weeks, the food supplies were dwindling and the roads were icy. After an entire day of exhausting snow play Jessily and I decided to brave the 20 mile slick trip to Walmart. Now let me tell you, I generally have a low opinion of the energy at Walmart. I've said for years, people will be in my way and i'll say "sorry or excuse me" and they will literally mumble something and maybe get out of the way. People stand in the aisle visiting without regard, and get upset in slow lines....and the parking lot.....a whole other lack of positive energy. But with the roads the way the were and the items we needed, Walmart was our closest best bet. Let me remind you.....I wasn't conscious of all this happening until this morning when it popped into my head. First we pulled into the parking lot where we were waved on by two different drivers with smiles. As we entered the building an older lady gave us her cart as she was leaving with another joyous smile. Several times throughout the store people said "Oh I'm sorry, Excuse me', and even a "Here lemme move out of the way" a man chatted up pizza selections with a stranger in the freezer aisle and we received smiles and eye contact throughout the store. It was incredibly busy, the shelves were empty, and things were kind of messy, yet the mood was still elevated. As we entered the checkout lane, I overheard the lady at the register behind us saying that she didn't have enough money so she was going to put some things back, a man, that I feel appeared out of nowhere, slipped in and paid her bill and jovially said "no biggie" and hurried off.

I'm not even kidding! Was this stuff happening all along and I was only choosing to notice the negative? Was the universe surrounding me with people filled with Joy? Is the whole vibrational theory correct about what you put out you get back? Whatever it is, I am elated! I want abundant Joy, I want to be surrounded by people who are filled with Joy and want to be filled with Joy! We all deserve Joy.