There is always someone willing to do what you refuse to, or hesitate to do. Waiting. Anticipating.

A friend once told me, “life is adversity.”

Buddhism has taught me, life is suffering.

Prima facie, these notions appear pessimistic, though they are not. If we concede that life is suffering and full of struggles, we enable a happier life. Less disappointment. Less discouragement.

I try to exude positivity and joy, but it would be fallacious to say that I embody positivity and joy all the time.

Nor would I want to.

Dark times have the potential to turn friends into enemies and family into strangers. Dark times also have potential to be cultivated into something powerful.

I’m learning. Fumbling my way through this process of cultivating my (better) self. Writing, training, conversing with others and reflecting on all of the above have been the foundations for my development in this area.

In those one thousand two hundred and sixteen days, so much has happened. I did it, I got #lawyered. The thing with leaving your family to pursue your dreams and career is that when you achieve it, they’re not always there to share it with you.

And when your salary works out to be the same as a cashier (that’s if you work a 37.5 hour week, its even less when you work evenings and weekends), and long weekends are spent doing more work while your friends enjoy family time. It really makes you wonder whether you made the right choice.

I’m grateful, no doubt about it. I know many people have made many sacrifices to help me get to where I am today. The encouragement, the support. I think it’s safe to say a few glass ceilings were broken when a ‘single indian girl’ was sent by herself to study abroad for a second, and then third degree in lieu of getting married and starting a family. I get it, I asked for this. Hell, I fought for this.

But sometimes, just sometimes, I find myself wondering, was it worth it?