It's true, it's true. I haven't posted in a while, aside from my "Fun For Fall" segments. I am working on my consistency, guys. But, you know. Sometimes you just get busy with... life.

Now let me say, this will be a long post. And I will be giving a lot of back story. But I feel it must all be shared, my personal story, so you know that I deal with things too. And not just general things, but very specific things. I do believe this post relevant and pray it will be beneficial to all those reading it. I'm about to tell you all what's been on my mind.

A vision. God gave me a vision of something tremendously awesome that he has for me. Something BIG! I won't go too much into detail about it. Well not just yet. Hopefully I'll be able to share fully with you all soon. Once it's come to fruition. But for right now, I just want to talk to you a little bit about what's been happening with it lately. Here in the beginning stages. It ain't all sunshine and roses. Not when you're trying to go places.

The vision came to me some months back. I was at work one night, minding my own business, when all of a sudden, I get this clear, detailed, mapped out vision of something I was to write. A work of fiction. Not just the idea. But I could actually see the characters bringing the words to life. It just came to me. I didn't ask for it, nor did I fight it. I just went with it. The storyline was amazing! As it was coming to me, I found myself clinging to the edge of my seat like,

I mean I was excited! Inspired! Ready to write! A friend texted me at the the very moment. Asked me what I was doing. I told her, nonchalantly, that I was mentally writing a story. Well, because I was.

Months later, it was still in my head, but I'd not actually put anything down on paper. I mentioned it to Audrey, "the other Dree" because she's a writer as well. A thinker and a creator. I felt I could confide in her and she would understand. She was also intrigued by the idea and we shared it with another friend.

Now, let me interject here to say, I'm careful not to tell too many people too many intimate things concerning me, just because… well, while people may mean well, they sometimes can unknowingly place little seeds of doubt in the form of reality into your heart. Little doubt seeds that grow and produce of its own kind. That is the absolute last thing you need when trying to believe something that's unbelievable.

Let that sink in for a bit.

So. I shared with these two people, in detail, the vision of the work of fiction I'd gotten. We all felt good about it. And agreed I should begin working on it. Aaah! Exhale. Just the boost I needed. The confirmation. The agreement. The backing. Now I had the confidence to begin the work.

As I practically had the whole storyline already mapped out in my head, I sat down one day and began to write the "opening scene" (also while at work). I did it within maybe 20 or 30 minutes. Just a rough draft, but I was actually pleased with it! You can read it here.

I was excited about it! I posted it to the blog and had a few people read it. They loved it! Expressed their anticipation of what was to come. And then… wait for it… Nothing.

"Ahem! Testing. Is this mic on?"

I got nothing. What now? What do I do now, God? I'm ready to write my first complete work of fiction. You've given me the story. And now, nothing.

And that is when the all predictable doubt starts to peak its little head in. Was this really you, God? Was this an actual vision from you or was it just my imagination? Maybe it was just something I wanted sooooo bad and I was calling it God.

But, no! That wasn't it. That wasn't the case. It wasn't my imagination. I wasn't looking to write anything at the time. Not a book. Not a novel. I'm doing good just to get three blog posts out every week. What do I look like trying to take on a full length book? The kind with chapters. The kind with NOOOO pictures. Stop. Take a brief moment to laugh at that.

But seriously, though. My mind wasn't on thinking up a plot for a book. I was taking care of sick patients when this came to me. And it came as such a clear picture. A vivid picture. It was so real to me I could darn near touch it.

I heard a preacher say once, don't remember who the preacher was, that when God has something for you, sometimes he will tell it to you bit by bit and lets you know what he wants from you one step at a time. And other times, for the lack of a better word, he just "blurts" it all out like BAM! This big, huuuuuge picture. He gives it all to you right then. First thoughts, "Um.. what? That's kind of big, God. You sure you can do that?"

This is what he did with Abraham in Genesis 22:17-18. This was the particular text the preacher used. God told Abraham the magnitude of what he was going to give him. His seed would be as the number of stars in the sky and the number of sand on the ground. Woooooah, now that's big! Like, literally. Scientist count and name the stars, so yeah, that's kind of "believable". But the sand? You know how many beaches there are? How many grains of sand are on each beach? Now that's something you don't just wrap your finite brain around. But Abraham believed. And, when God told me of his BIG plan for me that night at work, so did I.

Figuratively speaking, God took my little old self up to the mountain top, he showed me this great literary work of art, said "This is what I have prepared for you," and I said, "Yes, Lord!" I was down. I was with it. I mean, surely this had to be God. It wasn't me! Truth be told, I ain't that genius. Not with all the twists and turns this writing is going to have. No, this was definitely God. I was sure.

When you have a relationship with God, active communication through prayer, you know him. You know his voice. You know when he speaks to you.

And when God calmed my mind at 10 o'clock that night just to speak to me and give me the whole plot for this piece I'm to write, all while I was trying to complete a 12 hour overnight shift at the hospital, I recognized and acknowledged his voice. And I believed.

Now. Fast forward to today. It was April 13th, 2013 when I wrote that opening scene. It was weeks before that I actually got the vision. Today, Monday, November 18th, 2013, nothing beyond that post on April 13th has been written. And it's not because I don't want to. I want to. I really want to. But I just... can't? I don't know. It's just not coming to me. Almost as if God has not released me to write it yet. Like, he gave me the story, showed me the vision of how wonderful and impactful it will be, then told me to wait.

Okay. So now I'm confused, God. What are you saying? What do I do now? Was this really you? Were you really showing me this awesome story that was going to change my life or was that my imagination running wild? I believe it was you. I really do. But.... wait a minute. Does that "but" signal doubt? Hm. But seriously, God. Should I start writing? Just writing? Rough draft after rough draft? Do I ask someone else to help me write it? How is it that I have a plot and writer's block all at the same time? Am I just being lazy in not attempting? A couple of times I tried to mentally prepare to write it, but it just seemed forced. Not inspired. I literally feel like I will be one of the scribes in the Bible days listening to God and writing it down, word for word, in order to get it written. I feel I need to be that in tune with God. I need him to actually write it but just use my hands and my name to put it out. Like even though I want to so bad, I don't feel the freedom to write it until he gives it to me.

I was a bit saddened when I realize that it's possible God gave me this vision in 2013 knowing that it won't actually come to pass until 2018 or so. Like with Abraham. God told him the totality of the promise at one time knowing it would be carried out over a number of years. And is still being carried out to this day. Long after Abraham has gone, his seed is still multiplying.

When God tells you something, even knowing that it's possible it may not happen for years, will you still believe it?

Truthfully, I believe my writing is not just a hobby of mine. I believe it is a gift God gave me that I will be able to enjoy, bring him praise, and reap from financially as well. And between the two of us, I sort of, kind of, fully was convinced that this would be the one big piece that I would write that would get me "there". That all illusive "there" that everyone uses to measure their personal success by. And that could possibly be the case. Eventually. But now what?

Here's where you, the reader, comes in. Why this whole super long write up of a vision God gave to me about writing something is relevant to your life. This scenario isn't isolated to just me alone. Nor is it just isolated to a writer with writer's block. This is something that anyone who has ever been given a vision from God has gone through. This is a conversation that anyone who has believed God for anything has had with him. Mine comes in the form of believing God for a published work of fiction. But this happens when you're believing God for anything. From one extreme to the next. Yours may be the promise of success with your home business or the release of a friend from prison; it could be the healing of your body or the removal of a financial burden.

When God speaks something into your life, usually at first you are super on board with it. But as time passes by, things change.

As I mentioned before, when you have a relationship with God, you know when he is speaking to you versus your active imagination. You know when it is God who has spoken something specific to you. You know when he has given you a vision. The problem is, sometimes we don't believe God can be God. We see these visions and dreams as something so large and so unattainable by our human standards and limits that when everything starts to go contrary to what we think should be happening, we start to size God up by our same human standards and limits and give up on the promise. We say, "Since we can't do this in our own power, God can't either." Of course we don't say it with our words. We say it with our actions. We say it with our disbelief.

A little tid bit for ya- refraining from prayer and communing with God, is an act of disbelief.

So what's the remedy? Glad you asked. I posted a quote on Instagram the other day that said,

And that is the absolute truth. When God gives you a vision, it is the prime time for, not just an active prayer life, but an overactive prayer life, if there be such a thing. We oftentimes will respond in a manner of, "Oh, okay God. Thank you for that. Now let me go get started with it." Whereas God is saying, "Heeeey, I told you that so you would come to ME. Come spend some time with me. Come learn of me, learn my plan for this thing, and continue to consult me every step of the way." Truth be told, God doesn't fully trust his heavenly promises in our fickle, earthly hands. No, no. We're too easily swayed by time, setbacks, rejection, feelings, emotions, finances, etc. His precious promises should only be carried out under his gentle care. He trusts the God in you to bring these promises to pass. Which is why, my brethern and sisteren, WE NEED TO PRAY! First!

You're going places, kid, but first you need to pray!

Talk to God. Ask him what he wants. Ask him what's now and then ask him what's next. Continuing to thank him every step of the way. Even when he's silent.

This is how you get "there". This is how you go places. Seek God. First. Everything else, he will take care of.

He will give you the words to write.

Bottom line, God is God. He is a BIG God. We need to stop cheating ourselves out of the "bigness" that God is and the "bigness" he wants to do for us because we don't think he's big enough to do it. God is indeed big enough. That plan that he told you, and you KNOW he told you, he's big enough to carry it out. Don't let reality cloud your vision. Dismiss what you see and focus on what you believe.Selah.

Reality can be a very real source of doubt. If I can be honest with you for a moment, the reality of my vision is that I have never been published. I have never even finished a literary work before. I've started. But never completed. I don't have an educational background or any formal training in storytelling or script writing. I don't have the credentials to say I know how to accomplish this. I don't have the rejected manuscripts or crumbled up pieces of paper to show that I've even attempted this. But what I do have is a God given desire to write and a never ending faith in a BIG God who can do BIG things. Do I need anything more?

I shared my personal story with you to say, don't get discouraged. Don't start thinking it isn't for you. Whatever God has spoken, it still is! His words are eternal. They are forever. They don't return to him until they have accomplished what they were sent out to do. Do not doubt God. He's too big for that. Keep your heart on the vision. Cover your eyes to the distractions. Know those quiet and stagnant times aren't saying the dream has died. They're only God beckoning for your fellowship. God telling you to seek him a little bit more.

God isn't just God in a church. He is God everywhere. He needs everyone to see that he is God everywhere. And in order for that to happen, he needs to be seen in places other than just the four walls of a church. One place I welcome him to be seen in is in everything that I write. Especially the pages of my first published novel. My written words will travel much farther than my feet ever will. I need God to be seen in all of that.

I'm telling ya. I'm going places. I am. But FIRST, I just need to spend a little more time with the one who's going to get me there. I am certain that he will.