Just another job

A very short story for the season. If you wake in the middle of the night, and find someone lurking around your house, What would you do? WHAT WOULD YOU DO????

Submitted: December 28, 2010

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Submitted: December 28, 2010

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It was dark.
And eerily quiet, but it was the darkness that was hardest to bear.

Lights flashed weakly on and off in an intermittant pulse; But one that if you looked for long enough, would burn its patterm into the back of your eyes.

He always hated coming to places like this... it was the sort of place where getting fat and drunk were the easiest things in the world to do. It was always at the last minute too. 'Just for
once' he had thought to himself on numerous occasions 'Just once, I'd like to be able to get these jobs done sooner'.
No matter what he tried - when he tried - it never made a blind bit of difference; and he always ended up in the same maddening rush. It was enough to drive a person to drink.

He scanned the room. Nothing apart from shadows leapt out at him. He knew from past experiences that this was not always the case. Next, he checked for objects around himself - anything that
could make a racket and alert someone to his presence. Nothing that could be easily seen.
He carefully took a step forward....
The sound of needles crunched sickeningly underfoot.
He winced with disgust; Why did these people do this to themselves?
He knew that some poor sod would have to pick them up... Someone would need to physically get down on hands and knees, and touch this crap! It wasn't that douchbag who's job it would be that he
felt sorry for; Why should he care a jott about these insignificant lives? They didn't give a damn about him.
It was his knotted stomach that concerned him now.

His clothes felt heavy on him; as did the sack he was carrying. He found it odd that he'd forgotten about that sack. It was unforgettable in its ugliness; It matched the clothes he felt he had
been forced to wear - perfectly.

A few more careful steps, and he reached his primary objective site.
He lowered the sack gently to the floor; opened it, and pulled out the first of six packages that were to be left, and slowly knelt down.
Lifting the object to his ear, he heard a faint ticking.
He smiled to himself.... These little bastards were going to get exactly what they deserved. This was going to be the kind of surprise you don't forget in a hurry; Just rewards for playing
games, and messing people around for the past half a year.

He distributed the five remaining packages around the objective, taking his time to get everything just right.
He was in a cold sweat when he finished.

All this sneaking about was tiring, and his clothes now felt uncomfortably tight. He stood back up, feeling like a very old man.
The dizzying sensation that accompanies a tobacco smokers habbit - The term "Headrush" - quietly escaped his lips and slapped him in the face, nearly sending him back to the floor. He had never
taken up that particular habbit, but as he regained his balance he vowed to give it a try.

Looking down, he saw them.... two needles stuck out of the knees of his trousers.
A wave of nausia engulfed him as he pulled the offensive objects out and dropped them to the floor. He found it odd; Only one of them had actually penetrated his skin, and even then it was only
the very tip.... But he could feel its poison burning into him. He remembered seeing a chair earlier on, so rubbing at his injured cap; he went over and sat down.

It was a comfortable chair with a side table next to it. It looked as though someone had not long left the room; there was a glass tumbler with some dark liquid inside, and a snack on a small
side plate. He didn't know how much longer he had before he got interrupted, but he picked up the glass and smelled the contents. The sweet warming aroma of Brandy hit his nose.
He had to do it... He had to taste it. One day he would have to give up the booze, but that day wasn't today.
He took a small sip.

It gently flowed down his throat; warming his palate, and going to work on his olfactory system. Then unthinking, he picked up the snack and took a bite.
As he chewed, he let his gaze wonder. There was by far, too many ornaments, way too much crap dotted everywhere the eye could see. As if a short sighted room make-over specialist had been
employed - by some long sighted moron.
It was quite tidy though..... A real shame, as tomorrow morning it would look like a bomb had hit it.
A wry smile played across his face.

He hadn't noticed half the glass of brandy dissapear while he was lost in thought. He threw the last bite into his mouth and stood up, checking his knee was capable of supporting him.
He'd have to look out for signs of possible infection, but other than that, it seemed ok.
Picking up the glass, he finished the rest of the brandy in one swallow, and placed it on top of the plate.

It was only a couple of millimeters, but it slipped slightly, making a louder than normal clank of glass on pottery. He instantly held his breath; and stood perfectly still, fearing the
worst...
A minute passed, then two... Nothing. Perhaps he'd gotten away with it?

As he took the few steps toward the ugly sack, He heard it. Just once.... But it was a definate floorboard squeek. He'd been rumbled....

The light switch was thrown on - 'Damn these places with no interior doors' rushed through his mind, as he stared at a small seven year old boy; blinking unbelievingly at the man infront of
him.
The small boy must have realised what he was seeing, because now his eyes widened....

Knowing what was about to happen, he looked at the boy but said nothing. He raised a gloved hand to his lip, and motioned for the boy to stay silent and waited only a second for the boys
response.
The boy nodded...
This was good. Then he reached for his sack, smiled at the boy and dissapeared.

Hahahahaha oh my god you had me till the very end!!!! I honestly thought that the guy was a bomber or something but no... HE'S SANTA!!!! I can't stop laughing! This story just made my day!

AuthorReply

Comment | 69 words

Wed, December 29th, 2010 1:38pm

Thank you so much for having a read, and your kind comment!! I really enjoyed writing this story, but was wondering whether or not it was too short?! I have been toying with the idea of expanding on it further, but as yet I am still undecided. It's comments like yours that will spur me to do so (if the majority believe I should). Kindest regards, & Keep smilin' :D

Okay so I don't really know how to comment on the comment you left me, so I'll just do it here. THANK YOU SOO MUCH!!! I only did this to improve my writing and, from the looks of the other comments one the other poems, I wasn't going to get that. I'm a bit precise with this kind of stuff. Well lets be honest with everything, and i am very thankful for how specific you were with your comment, it really did help me. And to answer your thought, those things just come to me if I wait long enough. But my poems are never pleasent, but I can't seem to make one that isn't dark. Well i guess you could say I can but there never any good. Thanks again-Ariel

AuthorReply

Comment | 100 words

Wed, December 29th, 2010 7:44pm

I think it's never a bad thing, most of the poems I have read are filled with pain, and the darker side of human nature. Edgar Allen Poe rapidly springs to mind.... Poems mean diffrent things to diffrent readers, which varies (sometimes) widely from that which the author intends (perhaps a reason as to why I haven't really tried to venture into poetry yet). But you write very well, so the right way for you to create a (for want of a better word) lighter themed poem will come with patience and practice. Keep writing what you feel. - Ds

Now about your story, I'm going to go all crtic on you here. I would rearange some of the sentences. And there are many places where I feel you need to put in a ; or a , (sorry I was to lazy to write it) The format is perfect, and the story is amazing too. It's the type of book I would read. Also one of the books that you just want to soak up every word and really get it stuck in your brain. I somtimes forget that what I'm reading is fake and this is real when I'm reading storys like yours. I also like how you started it, it's a bit confusing; but I wouldn't change a thing. That's how I like books to start. Just jump rite in without much explanation at all. I can't wait for the rest of it!!!
I think that's all I have for you.-Ariel

AuthorReply

Comment | 135 words

Wed, December 29th, 2010 8:44pm

This is a comment I can work with.... Thank you Ariel!! My weakness has always been where to throw down a semi colon! (amongst other things, hehe). I know what you mean about some of the sentences; and wondered if I should have elaborated more on certain aspects of the story - all without giving too much away. (Not a defence to bad punctuation but) I started the story at 3am, on the 17.12.10, and posted it without much revision (I'd usually go through 4-5 times, but went over it only once) telling myself to just post the thing as a tester, & flesh out the story according to some of the feedback I got. So for your invaluable, kind, & amazing comments, I thank you :) And for liking it too!! I will keep you updated! Kindest regards...

Hiya Jaz. I'll let you know, I promise! I'm so glad you like it, and Thanks for taking the time to have a look and post a comment. Not to mention being a fan too... (This is al new to me! lol) One quick question - I'm wondering whether of not to expand the story? (or leave it as it stands?!) But as yet, I'm not too sure which I should do. What do you think?
Again, Many thanks, and Kindest regards - Ds

Unknown

Comment | 32 words

Sun, January 2nd, 2011 1:42am

Perfectly written. Amazingly plotted. An absolutely unpredictable ending! I love it :)
I am a new member on booksie
Can u check out my two poems:
the scarlet sunset
The moodiness of winter

AuthorReply

Comment | 24 words

Sun, January 2nd, 2011 2:07am

Thank you for the amazing comments!! And sure, I'm on my way over to read your poems now! Keep writing, and keep smilin' :D

This is totally not my kind of stories but i enjoyed this. It was really cute!

great job,

Velentina

AuthorReply

Comment | 45 words

Mon, January 3rd, 2011 8:12am

Thank you Velentina, for reading it and giving it a chance then!!
With that in mind - I'm Really pleased that you enjoyed it too! Thank you also for taking the time to leave such a good comment.
Kindest regards, and keep smilin'
- Ds

OMG I LOVED THAT. It was so creative. I was on the edge of my seat with suspence the whole time. That was NOT what I had expected. Awesome job. I loved it!

AuthorReply

Comment | 50 words

Mon, January 3rd, 2011 8:28am

:D :D :D I think I'm grinning way to much to see what I'm trying to type here!! Lol....
I am REALLY so glad that you liked it!!!! And what a BRILLIANT comment!!!! :) :D :)
Thank you soo much for reading it!
Keep smilin' :D :D
Kindest, happiest regards - Ds

Also i messed up on my name spelling it's Valentina. I'm pretty stupid,yeah? LOl

AuthorReply

Comment | 67 words

Mon, January 3rd, 2011 10:12am

Lol, Not at all!! :) If you're like me, mistakes are easily made for the simplest of reasons... I got excited and nervous all at once when I joined... Took me a couple of days to get my profile right, and even then, I'm constantly changing or adding bits! It's all a bit of an advenure right now! :) Keep doing what your doing, and you'll be fine :D

hehe, that was an amazing twist ending, I thought it was going to be something else, but I guess after a while we realise that santa is no longer real so reject him from propping up in anything like this...I think that you should continue :)

AuthorReply

Comment | 86 words

Mon, January 3rd, 2011 1:29pm

Thank you for reading, and commenting on my story Joseph. I'm glad that you liked it too! :) I'm really pleased that the story worked as well as it did, and better than I'd hoped. I'm currently toying with a few ideas concerning the direction of the rest of the story, so once I've ironed out a few details, I hope to have one or two more chapters up soon(ish). Thanks again, for taking the time to read, and comment.
Keep writing!
Kindest regards - Ds

Hi!
I really enjoyed your story. It kept me guessing until the very end (who is this man and what exactly is he doing), the twist was completely unexpected. I loved it. :)

AuthorReply

Comment | 63 words

Tue, January 4th, 2011 12:37am

Hi Marike, Thank you for reading, and enjoying the story :) and not only that, but for becomming a fan too!! This was a story that I really enjoyed writing, And having such great comments come back from it is pleasantly unexpected; and so rewarding :)
So thank you for your time and amazing comment! Keep reading and writing!! Keep smilin' :D
Kindest regards ~ Ds

Excellent!!! I was not expecting that... but that's why it's so great... This piece is very well written. I will definitely press the "like" button. Awesome!!!

AuthorReply

Comment | 42 words

Tue, January 4th, 2011 5:20am

Thank you so much for liking my story! I'm so happy you enjoyed it!! And thank you for you fantastic comment too!! A quick note on your work (I'm still reading thru it)....Outstanding!!! Your work is AMAZING!!! Keep it up!!
~ Ds

I loved the way you've written this. I would love to read a longer piece if you write anything longer :]

AuthorReply

Comment | 111 words

Tue, January 4th, 2011 8:29am

Thanks alot for the comment.... I'm still in the planning stage on the rest of this one (I didn't have a longer story in mind at the time of writing... but started to wonder about it just after posting - I liked how it turned out!!) I'm kind of worried that a few chapters may be too boring until we get to the mindset the 'main' character has.... but who knows.... Its looking like I'l write them anyway! I just hope it turns out that the rest of the novel has the same appeal! Kindest regards, and thank you so much for reading!!! and commenting of course! Keep smilin' :D ~ Ds

Unknown

Comment | 34 words

Tue, January 4th, 2011 9:04pm

read it through, loved it all. you have a strange look over life but see the funny side too.
very "pratchett-like" and appealed to my sence of humour,good work buddie lets have more !

AuthorReply

Comment | 54 words

Tue, January 4th, 2011 9:17pm

Thanks for reading it, and for the great comment. I'm glad you enjoyed it :) And good news (I'm not sure it is for me though! lol) I've started writing more, but as yet I have no idea when it'll be up. Still... plodding on! :D
Keep reading, and keep smilin' :D
Kind regards ~ Ds