Sunday, February 21, 2010

So, I tweeted John Mayer about the letter that I wrote him. I have heard that he is very active on Twitter, so I figured why not give it a shot? Not surprisingly, I haven't heard anything back from him. Something tells me he is keeping a very lo pro these days. (P.S.--if you'd like to follow me on twitter, click here .)

I also realized that I never updated y'all on the J.Crew situation from a few months back. There was a pretty neat resolution, and so I figured I should share it.

The day my letter arrived in NYC, my husband got an e-mail from Mr. Drexler himself.
It said:

Hi [my husband's first name] - hope you don't mind that I'm sending but please forward this on to [my first name] (as did not have her email) -

Hi [myblackfriendsays.com],

Thx much for kind note - really appreciate - always trying to do the best we can do - have a great weekend!

Random sidenote: the reason J.Crew doesn't have my email address is because I have a separate email address for any non-personal correspondence. It is just a wacky name that I made up whenever I need to give an address to anything that I think my sell/trade my email. This is a really good way to keep your inbox from getting clogged.

My husband liked that it said "dictated while traveling" and I have to say, I thought that was pretty cool too. Probably because I don't do much dictating or much traveling these days :P

So a timely, somewhat personalized response (allegedly) from the CEO himself. Can't get much better than that.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

I wanted to tell you all about a really interesting multi-part documentary series that premiered last week. Faces of America is airing on PBS and follows 12 celebrities as they learn more about their family histories and ancestors. Henry Louis Gates Jr. (you all remember him , don't you?) is the host and he makes these really neat scrapbooks for the people with historical documents and photos teaching them about how they came to be in this country, and interesting things their distant relatives did.

One thing I think is remarkable is how cut off from their family histories so many of the people seemed to be. I always thought this was something that primarily concerned black Americans because of the legacy of slavery. But there were many white participants in the program who didn't know very much about their pasts.

Another thing I noticed was that, when faced with no information we tend to fill in the blanks with information that a lot of the time, is not accurate. For example, Mike Nichols always thought that his late father (who was a doctor,) had scraped and struggled to put himself through medical school. Nope, turns out Nichols' grandfather had made a bunch of money from owning a gold mine in Russia.

I know I would love to participate in something like this, because I would really like to know as much as possible about my past. I am looking forward to hearing more, particularly from the black participants--to see what kind of information Dr. Gates can compile for them.

Faces of America airs Wednesdays (that's tonight!) on PBS, check your local listings for times. You can also watch the premiere on their website if you missed it.

Did you see the first episode? If so, what did you think? Would you want to participate in a project like this? Why or why not? How much do you already know about your family history? Are there any specific things you already know that you'd like to examine more in-depth?

Friday, February 12, 2010

I remember folding t-shirts at Eddie Bauer in my post-college days and hearing No Such Thing over the sound system. I liked it so much that I checked the Musak playlist to find out what the song was called, and went out the next day and bought your first major label release. Being only a year younger than you, I could relate to your songs about quarter-life crises, and wondering when your true love was going to come along. I bought a couple more of your albums, I saw you perform live, and in a random moment of post 9-11 angst, may have even referred to you as the "voice of our generation."

So here we are...almost 10 years later. I'm happily married; planning on starting a family soon. You're still writing the same songs about how depressing being single is. You're also dating chicks and dumping them after they take you to the Oscars, and dating other chicks and blabbing to national publications how "crazy" the sex was. I wonder why you can't find a long-term, meaningful relationship.

One of my favorite songs on your first album was Your Body is a Wonderland . But as much as I loved this song,there was always one line that bothered me:

"one mile to every inch of your skin like porcelain"

I thought, "What does he mean 'like porcelain'? Smooth and cold? Or white?"

Now that you've revealed that your penis is a "white supremacist" it's probably safe to say it's the latter.

Now, I understand that people have their personal preferences when it comes to dating, but really, John? I have never been a big fan of people excluding entire groups of people based on skin color. There are smokin' hot, interesting people of all races. (Yes, I do have a bias against non-smokin' hot, uninteresting people--maybe I'll examine that more at another time.)

I also want to share one piece of advice I think will be really helpful to you and any other white people that think "black people love [them]." Actually, to any white person that thinks one black person might even kind of like them.

The fastest way to lose your "n***r pass" (as you so lovingly referred to it,) is to even entertain the idea, much less proclaim to others that you have earned such a pass. It's like the first rule of Fight Club.

Thinking that you are down and as a result, have earned the right to do or say certain things that might be perceived as racist if other white people did them is just a sign of the arrogance and sense of entitlement that is so freakin' exasperating and exhausting to deal with. There are no other white people. Those people are you.

My hope is that you won't come away from this whole thing thinking, " I should have just kept my mouth shut." I really want you to examine what caused you to say the things that you did. Not just "wanting to be clever"--that was only part of it.

What makes it okay to reveal private details about someone you've had an intimate relationship with? Where did you learn your "aversion" to black women? What made you think it would be okay to use the "n-word"? You used a gay slur in that same Playboy interview, why do you think that hasn't been getting as much media attention?

Most importantly: How are you going to change and grow as a person because of this experience?

I was saddened and angered by the comments that you made. My relationship with you and your music has been permanently changed. At the same time, I understand that people make mistakes and that you've said that you're sorry. I just hope that you are willing to do the work necessary to truly understand what you are apologizing for.

Wednesday, February 03, 2010

This is a Starburst commercial (that I saw for the first time today,) that I don't like:I probably don't have to tell most of you why I don't like the second one. But if this is your first time reading this blog, I'll give you a quick explanation. A contradiction is something that is "logically incongruous." Being Korean and Scottish is not logically incongrous. It is the belief that it is that leads to instances like the one I describe here. Things like this make my life more annoying.

If you thought the first commercial was hilarious, we should be friends.

About Me

Hello, I'm the mastermind behind myblackfriendsays.com. I am a 35 year-old black woman with a Masters degree in Multicultural Counseling, an (expired) Mensa membership card, and a freakishly large knowledge of all things pop culture.
I started this blog because I love talking about race and inequality, and I bet more people would love talking about them too--if they weren't so afraid someone was going to punch them in the stomach for saying the wrong thing. This is a place to get people thinking, get people talking, and most importantly, to eventually get people doing things that will help us make real progress when it comes to the subjects of race and inequality in America.

If you would like to contact me for any reason (fan mail, hate mail, multimedia development deal,) you can email me: myblackfriend atmyblackfriendsaysdotcom.
Thanks for stopping by, and I hope to see you again soon.