You and I/The Honeymoon Is Over/Happy Anniversary

(Bricrusse/Schmidt/Jones/Aznavour/Ebb)

(spoken) You know, something that's always really amazed me is the power of words and of music to express an emotion or to tell a story. And I got to thinking, what would happen if you took three completely different songs by three completely different writers and you put them together, so that they would tell the story of a marriage. Well, that's what we've done. Here are three completely different songs, by three completely different writers, that put together, tell the story of two people at three different stages of in their relationship. Okay? Let's start with the first song, and with their first year...

You and I will travel far together
We'll pursue our little star together
We'll be happy as we are together
We may never get to heaven
But it's heaven at least to try

You and I are going on together
We'll find a dream to build upon together
Til the time we have is gone together
Growing older, growing wiser
Making memories that light the sky

That only time can make
That only love can make
That only we can make
You, you and I...

(spoken) Ten years.Ten years married
Who would've ever thought?
Am I overjoyed?
Am I overwhelmed?
No, I'm just a little over-wrought.

I mean, you know it's...
It's cute, the way you never get my birthday right
And it's sweet, the way it's sorry honey, not tonight
Well my dear, it's clear,
The honeymoon is over
Someone drew the noose a little tight!

It's nice the way you can't recall the children's names
I mean, why is James called Donald,
Why is Donald James, huh?
Oh my dear, it's clear,
The honeymoon is over
What became of all the fun and games?

Here's a winner,
Don't wait, dinner!
And the other,
Oh, I never did like concerts,
Take your mother!

Break the other women that you hide so well
Calling you at home as if I couldn't tell, aw come on!
Look my dear, it's clear
The honeymoon is over
And I might as well
Leave ya stranded
Make my exit
Slam the door shut
Pull the curtain
Pack up, move out
Tell ya, honey
Fare thee...

Well. Darling. Darling...
It's a beautiful evening
And I'm bursting with pride
It's been twenty long years
Since you've made me your bride
I've arranged all the flowers
I've prepared the hor d'oeurves
I'm a bundle of joy
You're a bundle of nerves

I-I know you bought seats for a concert
Fifty dollars a throw
But the cleaner is late
And you're ready to blow
I understand, you want your old tuxedo
And I helplessly shrug
And you stab at my quiche
And then it hits the rug

And you're screaming where is he? Hell, he was due here at five!
It's a quarter to eight
Ugh, would he ever arrive?
(gasp) And you're shredding the napkins
Just embossed with our names
That were sent us by Donald
...Or it might've been James

So I pour a martini
But you aren't alert
For there's half in your mouth
And there's half on my skirt
I say, look darling, why don't you just sit down and watch the ballgame?
But the Yanks make you curse
And I've got a headache
That's quickly getting worse

Happy anniversary
Happy anniversary...

Oh, your tuxedo's delivered
But you're still in distress
It was well after nine
When you started to dress

I came over to help you
But it wasn't my day
As I gave it a yank
Your zipper stuck half-way

And it wasn't your fault! But the vest, it just didn't fit you!
I said breathe in, don't cough
But then you breathed out
And the buttons popped off

That damn thing fell to pieces
Gabardine in the breeze
And you stood there and wept
Your pants around your knees

At exactly eleven
When we got into town
We arrived at the hall
But the curtain was down
I suggested some dinner
But no... no, you wanted to walk
You had no appetite
And no desire to talk

So we strolled for an hour
And the evening grew sweet
And you bought me a flower
From a man on the street
We kissed on the sidewalk
We laaughed in the cold
Then we knew that our love
Was far from growing old