Pennsylvanian political discharge Rick Santorum is having a great week. He's suddenly, grotesquely surging in Iowa, Rupert Murdoch and his steampunk propaganda machine Fox News have endorsed him, and people are finally showing up at his rallies. He'd like to take this opportunity to remind you, now that you're listening, that if elected, he'll promote freedom by making sure states have the right to control your body.

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Santorum was interviewed by ABC News yesterday, and during the interview he doubled down on his established stance that he'd like to see birth control go bye-bye. He said, when asked if he'd outlaw whore pills himself,

The state has a right to do that, I have never questioned that the state has a right to do that. It is not a constitutional right, the state has the right to pass whatever statues they have.

No word on whether or not he thinks it's also okay for states to legalize gay marriage or other things the ex-Senator finds anti-family, but, for now, it's safe to say that as President, Rick Santorum would be just fine with all states passing legislature that aligns with Rick Santorum's personal beliefs.

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Pennsylvania Dick's views on birth control are, to put it kindly, ass backward. He's against the 1965 Supreme Court ruling that made it illegal for states to outlaw contraception and has spoken out against the widespread use of contraception, saying "It's not okay. It's a license to do things in a sexual realm that is counter to how things are supposed to be." Since, as Thinkprogress points out, 99% of American women have used or will use some form of contraception during their sexual lives, standing against it doesn't seem like the most wise political stance to take.

It's also worth noting that Santorum has signed the Personhood Pledge, which means he's ideologically further to the right on women's issues than 58% of voters in Mississippi, America's most conservative state.

And, finally, despite his belief that black people are using all the welfare and having all the abortions, and that gays are ruining everything with love and sodomy, until recently, his campaign slogan "Fighting to Make America America Again" sounded an awful lot like the title of a Langston Hughes poem called "Let America Be America Again." Langston Hughes was black, and believed to possibly be gay. Santorum's really got the tone deaf zealot vote nailed down.

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But what do I know? My mind's probably all crazed by the tiny, ingestible slut licenses I picked up from the pharmacy the other week.