Fed up with a high pregnancy rate and unstoppable rampaging teen hormones, one Massachusetts school is one step closer to kicking off a program that would give students age 12 and up free prophylactics. Possible slogan for the new program — Condoms: Because they're going to fuck, anyway.

A surprisingly realistic Springfield, Massachusetts panel conceded that yes, it probably made sense to give students access to free condoms at school after a similar program was enacted in a nearby district in 2004. Springfield currently bears the dubious distinction of being 4th in the state for teen birth rates, and school and health officials hope the new condoms for kids program will give students access to protection against both pregnancy and STDs.

The proposed program would alert district parents of the free condoms program before it took effect, giving them the opportunity to opt out of it if they wish. Teens seeking to get condoms would also be given counseling as well as information on abstinence (which is easily one of the most condescending lecture an adult can give a kid, as young teenagers tend to be pretty well versed in how to not have sex).

Advertisement

The lone committee member who dissented said he was troubled by the fact that 12-year-olds can't legally consent to sex in the state of Massachusetts.

But health officials lauded the Committee's decision as a positive step to help promote safety and health of teens.

As a teacher's kid who has borne witness to unintended consequences leading to the downfall of a number of well-intentioned policies, I predict that this will last about until the first faculty member gets pee from a urine-filled condom balloon on her shoes.