Officials said they nabbed Kelly Frank, 45, and William Willcutt, 22, hours apart at two separate locations, five days after the men had escaped from the state prison some 175 miles away.

"We're back in a position where we feel that public safety has been restored," said State Prison Warden Mike Mahoney.

With the Very Bad Men safely back behind bars, and the talk show host's newly reset nose only slightly more out of whack than usual, hopefully Letterman can immediately return to the critical business at hand: That is, handing America's favorite trainwreck starlets just enough rope to hang themselves, while occasionally coaxing a titillating, "Ah, to be young again, you lucky little bastard" story or two from a confirmed Hollywood bachelor, such as tonight's featured guest—Jeremy "Prince of the Night" Piven.