The following blurb comes from USA Today, the discerning comic reader's preferred generic national newspaper:

Revealed in Marvel Comics' Ultimate Fallout Issue 4, out Wednesday, the new Spider-Man in the Ultimate universe is a half-black, half-Hispanic teen named Miles Morales. He takes over the gig held by Peter Parker, who was killed in Ultimate Spider-Man Issue 160 in June.

In his first appearance, he simply breaks up a fight. But readers will learn the true origin of Morales and how he became the new Spider-Man when Ultimate Spider-Man relaunches in September with a new No. 1 issue [...] In addition to an alliterative name, Miles has a connection to his predecessor in how he received his powers. But he will have different abilities, too. Supporting characters such as Peter's Aunt May and Gwen Stacy also will give Miles nuggets of wisdom to help his transition from young kid to New York City superhero.

For those of you not in the know, Marvel's Ultimate universe is different from their "regular" comic line — fast and dirty explanation: it's a different universe where comic book characters tend to stay dead — so rest assured that Peter Parker is still alive and moping just a dimension away.

We're really happy that io9 was Point Zero for the existence of Miles Morales. On that note, allow me to try my hand at implementing some more radical changes to Marvel's comics. Thanks to the inevitable chain of causality, we should see the below story lines picked up around first quarter 2013:

- Tony Stark permanently incorporates a cowboy hat into his Iron Man armor. If he ever removes this hat, his armor explodes.
- Wolverine renounces his US residency and builds a new headquarters — the Claw Cave — in Yellowknife.
- The Hulk finally acknowledges that he has the secret power to turn any pair of trousers he dons a handsome mauve.
- Captain America admits that he represents all of America "except for Idaho."
- Gambit becomes the star of his own Harlequin Romance bodice-rippers, Gumbosexuelle.
- Thanos can only say the F-bomb (because he's really evil).