PS. Your courting her not taking on the burden of becoming her life coach, Dad or psychologist. This is a common mistake that often leads to bad results.

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Originally Posted by Edgar

Spamtar - a strange combination of boorish drunkeness and erudite discussions, or what I call "an Irish academic"

Tomorrow im planing to do a harsh/rough confrontation with K. But im not sure about the order of importance on the questions.

Edit:here goes:I wanna help her... shit, thats hard to say....

Don't be harsh. Be...level. Just factual. Orderly. That's easy for you INTJs right? If she really likes you she's going to be more impressed by you being a factual, rational, detatched INTJ (if she doesn't she might find it cold, obnoxious, or off-putting). But if you're actually harsh, that's a bit unnecessary, don't you think? Especially this early on?

Be yourself though. No reason to mimic an ENTP or ENFJ or something, because if she gets into a relationship with you and realizes you're IxTJ instead, she's gonna be disappoint.

You wanna be with someone who likes YOU right? That's why I suggest the rational, detatched approach, so she knows exactly who she's dealing with.

I know an ISTJ who swears his relationship with his ESFJ gf went wrong because he pretended to be all effusive in the beginning, then when he started being himself (showing love by performing acts of service or giving gifts, and saving mushy stuff for special moments), he said she didn't think he loved her and their relationship died.

They're cute, lovable, innocent, attractive, and they will SUCK YOU IN.

Its like nothing I've ever seen.

They will lure you in with their soft-spoken voice and their lovable cute personality. If you are dating an ISFP/ESFP for the first time - you are a small fish nibbling on really tasty bait. When you get hooked, then you realize you got played.

NT + SPF = CONFUSION

You are confused, my man. She probably seems like she's really into you - but you don't know what is really going on! You're NT side wants to jump to conclusions - Where does the relationship stand? How far can this go? What will happen in the future?

And her SF side screams - I don't know!

SFPs are shoppers, not buyers.

You go into the market knowing exactly what you are looking for, she goes in to find what's on the shelves.

I have plenty of experience with SFPs and SFJs. Don't go down that road

And I have nothing bad to say about them in general, it's just that I've mistaken their extreme "niceness" towards me for genuine interest.

Haha this is true to some extent. With ISFP's it's almost nearly impossible to tell if there is genuine interest. You have to be very perceptive in order to tell.

Yes, nearly impossible is the way to describe it.

That's how I got sucked into SF land! These girls are so sweet and kind, they seem like innocent angels that are looking for someone to love. They come up to you and start giving you all of these complements, taking every opportunity they can to touch you, and referring to you as "sweety" and "hun.

Then they get caught up into a mega-web of emotions that impairs their ability to think rationally.

Don't buy into their angel's eyes, I've been down that road before.

Here, I even took a picture of it:

Mr. INTJ from Norway,

Unless you want her as a fuckbuddy, make a sharp U-Turn and go for someone your own type before you crash into a wall.

K only knows what she feels, you need someone that knows how to keep it real.

Unless you want her as a fuckbuddy, make a sharp U-Turn and go for someone your own type before you crash into a wall.

That reminds me. Is detachment from sex mostly a guy thing or are there certain types that tend toward it. Me and my gf actually have an open relationship and things are great (although i don't know her type). Hmm.

Well we were together for a long time. Then broke up. Got back together after a few years. There just seems to be a certain understanding between us. Like no matter what we would still be together. Which is a big thing for me as an INTP. Typically i am paranoid and over analyzing our relationship.