tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1045471885878880964Tue, 03 Feb 2015 17:23:37 +0000talking politics (sorry)wtf is wrong with people?things that make me happyPrince Charmingwomen's rightsBoyfriendfeeling kinda bitchywhiningawkwardnesscreepy old dudesbeing a designer clotheswhorefabulous fridayi may be crazypanic attacksspeaking upthe houseGrandpaWindsor horsebeing spoiledmarketing failwedding stuffPinterest projects and DIYasshole fishbikinghouse huntingoh yeah THAT happenedprojectile vomitabolish the TSAbusunbearable sadnessCrazy AuntDexter dogNaBloPoMoThe Dr. Pepper Sagafamily troublesgrammar-demonssadnesstequilathe hammytravelsunsolicited adviceA horse called QuestABPHurricane IreneI love youInvisalign adventuresKate Spade is a bitchSalad NaziThe Steelers suckalcoholfemale nazi in wadersgetting packagesgluten allergygullible old peopleim not pregnantnyquil dreamsport-a-pottiesshameless self promotionworkBulwer-LyttonCanadaGrandma's pantryKat Von D is a bitchLGBT rightsNapoleon complexOCDRavensRepublican debateRyan ReynoldsTony Danza is still the bossVandy photo booth scandala tale of two old peoplebosscollege daysdecisions decisionsearthquakegangsta pigeonsgossipinggrad schoolherve leger wadershorsey stuffi hate snowinternet rumorsnakednessrubber duckiesecret salessquirrel burgerstouriststwinkie bombsvanitywildfiresDesperate for somethinghttp://desperateforsomething.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.com (Heather Rose )Blogger214125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1045471885878880964.post-8290046494700750137Tue, 03 Feb 2015 17:22:00 +00002015-02-03T12:23:37.025-05:00"Sorry it's a boy" Honestly, I had to see the reaction from Twitter and Reddit and social media before I could decide if I liked this one-liner from Sarah Silverman during the T-Mobile Super Bowl commercial. Now that I've seen the reaction, I love it. <br /><br /><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">She made a brilliant point and it was done so subtly and so well that quite a few people still don't quite get it. </div><br /><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">The people who are screaming “misandry!” and wringing their hands over the plight of the poor white male are the very same ones who would be rolling their eyes and going “take a JOKE, feminists!” if the genders had been reversed. And if the genders had been reversed and women had demanded an apology from T-Mobile, those same people would be screaming about how feminists are fascist, censorship-hungry freedom-haters. </div><br /><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">The point was to make men mad. The point was to let them feel just how much the casual, everyday sexism that women deal with all the time hurts. If you weren't paying attention, you might have missed it; that's how much of the sexism we face in our everyday lives works. </div><br /><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">Did Sarah Silverman just fire the first shot in the #WarOnMen? No. And she probably doesn't want you to hate male babies either. She was making a statement about the unequal reactions people have (or don't have) to sexism. <br /> </div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">The very fact that predominantly men are reacting so furiously to the commercial is proof that sexism is still an issue. From Family Guy to The Dictator, popular culture makes this “joke” about female babies all the time. But turn it on its head once, and men are suddenly outraged. You can say that about female babies, BUT NOT THE MALE BABIES HOW DARE YOU. <br /> </div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">Though this will probably fall on deaf ears, I would encourage anyone who is still righteously indignant over this commercial to stop and examine their reaction. You found this one little throw-away line incredibly hurtful, even threatening. So how do you think women feel all the time? </div><br /><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">Though Sarah Silverman may have her shocking moments, this one was brilliantly done. </div>http://desperateforsomething.blogspot.com/2015/02/sorry-its-boy.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Heather Rose )0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1045471885878880964.post-5889028271266851180Mon, 14 Apr 2014 15:25:00 +00002014-04-14T11:25:31.451-04:00talking politics (sorry)wtf is wrong with people?Rep. Holmes is not a racist and he doesn't hate transracial families. Just stop it. <br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Are we, as a population, just no longer capable of understanding context and applying logic? The country (in a furious charge led by the patriots at Fox News) has lost its collective mind over statements made by Rep. Alvin Holmes of Alabama about transracial adoptions. At first I thought it was just a few right-wing, reading-is-for-dummies types jumping on the Fox News ‘He Must Be A Racist!’ train. Then Jezebel published an article about it, and I realized lots and lots of people are idiots, regardless of political affiliation. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span>&nbsp;</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-HaXPx3zmRYc/U0v91PDEJ6I/AAAAAAAAApA/5r0b304nEvA/s1600/missedthepoint.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-HaXPx3zmRYc/U0v91PDEJ6I/AAAAAAAAApA/5r0b304nEvA/s1600/missedthepoint.jpg" height="192" width="320" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">&nbsp;</div><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Rep. Holmes said <span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN;">"I will bring you $100,000 cash tomorrow if you show me a whole bunch of whites that adopted blacks in Alabama," he said then. "I will go down there and mortgage my house and get it cash in $20 bills and bring it to you in a little briefcase."</span></span></div><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Was this statement clumsily made? Yes, probably. But is it wrong? No. No it’s not. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">&nbsp;</span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">In 2013, about 21 percent of domestic adoptions in the US were transracial. That’s up from 8 percent in 1987, which was the last “official” estimate, (and it was 1 percent for white couples adopting black children). And the increase may have to do with the fact that </span><a href="http://www.npr.org/2013/06/27/195967886/six-words-black-babies-cost-less-to-adopt"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Calibri;">black/minority children cost less to adopt</span></a><span style="font-family: Calibri;">. Also, starting in the late 1990s, the use of racial preferences in adoption agencies that receive federal assistance became more heavily regulated because 60 percent of the children waiting in foster care at the time were of a minority race (which does not match the general population breakdown). </span></span></div><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Rep. Holmes’ statement came up in the context of an abortion debate (probably a very polite, reasonable discussion, since it was being led by white male Republicans in Alabama /s), who were trying to argue that abortion should be eliminated because adoption. Holmes also pointed out the “my abortion is valid, hers is not” dichotomy of white conservatives, which comes up so often. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">While the argument that adoption negates the need for abortion is wrong on so many other levels (the woman still has to carry unwanted/unsafe pregnancy to term, the woman still has to incur COST of unwanted/unsafe pregnancy, etc.), Rep. Holmes was still RIGHT. It’s not a catch-all solution because minority children – PARTICULARLY black children – are still significantly less likely to get adopted than white children.&nbsp;<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">&nbsp;</span></span></span></div><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Calling Rep. Holmes a racist or claiming he hates interracial families is just so obviously wrong it makes my head spin. This is the man who introduced legislation to make interracial marriages legal in Alabama. In 2000. Because there was still a statute on the Alabama books in 2000 banning interracial marriages. As in, this century. That’s the Alabama we’re dealing with here. </span></span></div><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Interracial families should be championing this man for (albeit histrionically) calling attention to the fact that there are still huge race disparities in our foster and adoption systems in the US. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The only mistake Rep. Holmes made was saying so in a way that was so easy for Republicans desperate to </span><a href="http://www.rollingstone.com/politics/lists/50-dumbest-things-right-wingers-said-in-2013-20131204"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Calibri;">detract from their own stupid statements </span></a><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">&nbsp;</span>to misconstrue. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>http://desperateforsomething.blogspot.com/2014/04/rep-holmes-is-not-racist-and-he-doesnt.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Heather Rose )0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1045471885878880964.post-3150912650783774413Thu, 10 Apr 2014 15:37:00 +00002014-04-10T11:37:30.225-04:00being spoiledhorsey stuffi may be crazyHorse hunting <span lang="EN" style="font-family: &quot;Verdana&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; mso-ansi-language: EN;">So I've been horse-hunting hardcore since about November. I thought my budget was pretty generous, but it turns out I’m on the low side if I don’t want something that’s half lame or 25 years old. </span><br /> <br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span lang="EN" style="font-family: &quot;Verdana&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; mso-ansi-language: EN;">But after riding lots of duds ($5000 for a scraggly, possibly neurologically-impaired mare who bucked the whole ride?!) I finally thought I'd found the right horse - big, flashy, tons of potential, and in my budget because of an old surgery.<o:p></o:p></span></div><span lang="EN" style="font-family: &quot;Verdana&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; mso-ansi-language: EN;"><br />Charming and I took time off of work to go out to the fancy show barn where he's in training and meet him, but when I got there, he'd been kicked so I couldn't ride him. I did get to see him lunge, groom him a little and just kind of experience his personality (he's a pawer and a bit on the bitey side - stress-induced is my guess, so hopefully fixable).</span><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span lang="EN" style="font-family: &quot;Verdana&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; mso-ansi-language: EN;"><br />That was mid/late-March. I've been trying to get back in touch with the barn since. I've sent emails, called, left a voicemail - all in all 5 contacts, I think (I don't want to be TOO pushy) with absolutely no response. Radio silence. <o:p></o:p></span></div><span lang="EN" style="font-family: &quot;Verdana&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; mso-ansi-language: EN;"><br />The horse is still advertised on a bunch of sales sites. I guess I can't tell if they've decided they're not interested in selling to me, or if it’s financially in their best interest to keep him in training rather than selling him for the owner, or if they're just insanely busy with show season...? I thought meeting him went well, but maybe I was too timid and they don't think I can handle him? Even so, it still seems rude to not let me know anything.<o:p></o:p></span><br /> <span lang="EN" style="font-family: &quot;Verdana&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; mso-ansi-language: EN;"><br />I'm still exploring other avenues (and am going to look at a lovely schoolmaster next week as a possible lease) but I'm just so disappointed that I can't even try out this guy.</span><br /> <br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span lang="EN" style="font-family: &quot;Verdana&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; mso-ansi-language: EN;">Especially since I’m pretty sure he really wanted to come home with me. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span lang="EN" style="font-family: &quot;Verdana&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; mso-ansi-language: EN;"></span>&nbsp;</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-KANCGiCss10/U0a6qgVeelI/AAAAAAAAAoo/zUS0EfxY-ZA/s1600/Damon.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-KANCGiCss10/U0a6qgVeelI/AAAAAAAAAoo/zUS0EfxY-ZA/s1600/Damon.jpg" height="320" width="240" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span lang="EN" style="font-family: &quot;Verdana&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; mso-ansi-language: EN;"></span><o:p></o:p>&nbsp;</div>http://desperateforsomething.blogspot.com/2014/04/horse-hunting.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Heather Rose )0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1045471885878880964.post-2576993044621323769Tue, 18 Mar 2014 14:53:00 +00002014-03-18T10:53:06.585-04:00Dexter dogPinterest projects and DIYthe houseThe kitchen is done! And other house updates<div class="MsoNormal">Okay, I still harbor secret fantasies about stenciling one wall, but for the most part, the kitchen is D-O-N-E done! <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">It’s been almost exactly one year and 5 months since we moved in, and more than 6 months since we started the renovation, but I’m finally ready to call it finished. We went from blue and pink nursery-diamond wallpaper with a fruit border and more laminate-per-square-foot than an Ikea showroom to antique white painted oak cabinets, stainless steel and copper accents. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">It was a long journey, with some <a href="http://desperateforsomething.blogspot.com/2013/10/kitchen-disaster.html">detours along the way</a>, but I’m happy with it. Thrilled, even, since I stopped changing the color around the window every other day and settled on Benjamin Moore’s Bone White for the walls. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ZrgnXcqWEA4/UyhcjciiKBI/AAAAAAAAAnY/RFvTvYUyhkY/s1600/kitchenbeforeandafter.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ZrgnXcqWEA4/UyhcjciiKBI/AAAAAAAAAnY/RFvTvYUyhkY/s1600/kitchenbeforeandafter.jpg" height="328" width="640" /></a></div><o:p></o:p><br /><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">The oven is my favorite thing ever - it's the GE Cafe series and the gas burners don't try to catch me on fire every time I use them (just every other time or so - but still, a major improvement over the old one!)</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">The island is from Ikea, stained a darker shade than the ugly pine color it came. It's hard to tell from the picture, but the backsplash is neutral-colored tiles with an accent strip of copper to tie the sink into the room a little more. And man do I love that sink. It's like a bathtub! You can't even tell that we hide the drying rack in there because it's so deep and spacious.&nbsp;</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">The pantry doors were the last major project in the kitchen, and I finally pulled the trigger and went with Benjamin Moore’s Hale Navy for those. Thank goodness for snow days – got those bad boys painted yesterday. They’re dark, but I love the dramatic pop they bring to the space.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-jKB02qq2EY4/UyhdelsijbI/AAAAAAAAAng/IGJJm8S3U_g/s1600/navydoors.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-jKB02qq2EY4/UyhdelsijbI/AAAAAAAAAng/IGJJm8S3U_g/s1600/navydoors.jpg" height="320" width="240" /></a></div><o:p></o:p><br /><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">And, in the meantime, we also had the living room, stairway and upstairs hallway painted. Benjamin Moore’s owl grey in a half tint. The first coat accidentally ended up being full tint, and I freaked out a little when I realized the 2<sup>nd</sup> coat was considerably lighter, but after staring at it for a while, I’m glad we ended up with the lighter shade. It does look a little bluer than I expected, but our space is pretty small, and I don’t think anything darker would have really worked. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">I tried to take a picture of the color, but this guy thinks all cameras are meant to capture his handsomeness. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-OPgqHPF4ZyE/UyhdeuJFteI/AAAAAAAAAnk/qtqWHeSnxRc/s1600/owlgraydexter.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-OPgqHPF4ZyE/UyhdeuJFteI/AAAAAAAAAnk/qtqWHeSnxRc/s1600/owlgraydexter.jpg" height="273" width="320" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><br /><div class="MsoNormal">My house is really starting to feel like a dream board on Pinterest… or at least a home. Next up: breakfast nook, dining room, guest bedroom, office. …We’re getting there! &nbsp;<o:p></o:p></div>http://desperateforsomething.blogspot.com/2014/03/the-kitchen-is-done-and-other-house.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Heather Rose )2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1045471885878880964.post-599629188735255459Tue, 25 Feb 2014 15:38:00 +00002014-02-25T10:38:06.587-05:00LGBT rightstalking politics (sorry)wtf is wrong with people?Arizona's right-to-discriminate bill <div class="MsoNormal">Oh Arizona. You just couldn’t let Kansas have all the bigotry fun, could you? <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">If you haven’t been paying attention, the Republican-controlled Senate and House in Arizona have passed legislation (<a href="http://www.azcentral.com/ic/pdf/SB-1062-bill.pdf">SB 1062</a>) that would allow anyone claiming a “sincerely held” religious belief to discriminate against anyone they choose (notably LGBT individuals) in any “action or refusal to act.” <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">To be honest, this is even scarier than various media outlets are making it out to be. Any “action or refusal to act” means the nebulous claim of “but I really believe…” can actually supersede “the enforcement of state action.” Just the claim of a religious belief could actually trump state laws designed to protect the public. It means a “religious” doctor could allow an unmarried pregnant woman to die in front of him, because he sincerely doesn’t agree with sex outside of marriage. It means Catholic bank managers could refuse loans to divorcees. It means Muslim men could refuse access or services to any woman not wearing a burka. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">This bill gives an awful lot of leeway to cry “religion!” when actively seeking to harm someone who doesn’t adhere to your specific religious doctrine. Of course, when you put it that way, it sounds a bit like sharia law. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">The bill is in flux at the moment as the nation waits anxiously to find out whether everyone’s favorite hexenbiest Jan Brewer will sign it into law.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-exJHiTVY0Qo/Uwy4rfwnjPI/AAAAAAAAAmk/qY3t21enYEs/s1600/janbrewerhexenbiest.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-exJHiTVY0Qo/Uwy4rfwnjPI/AAAAAAAAAmk/qY3t21enYEs/s1600/janbrewerhexenbiest.jpg" height="158" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">To be honest, I hope Brewer does sign it. <span style="color: #222222;">I hope she signs it and it gets challenged all the way to the Supreme Court. I hope Arizona loses millions if not billions in tax dollars and business revenue and tourist income. I hope the Supreme Court strikes this down on the basis of equal protection, which then sets the precedent for marriage equality in Arizona. In short, I hope this epically backfires and the bigoted, hateful monsters trying to destroy Arizona end up being the catalyst for actual progress in the state.</span><o:p></o:p></div>http://desperateforsomething.blogspot.com/2014/02/arizonas-right-to-discriminate-bill.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Heather Rose )0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1045471885878880964.post-6810475181172212225Fri, 10 Jan 2014 16:15:00 +00002014-01-10T11:15:30.112-05:00creepy old dudeswomen's rightsMetro street harassment <div class="MsoNormal">I was sitting on the metro this morning, reading my Kindle and minding my own business, when a large, drunk black man got on the train at Silver Spring. He immediately began addressing the entire train, telling us all to have a good day at work, and that if he had a job, he’d have a good day at work, too. He went on to explain that he wanted to go back to work and to school, and he wanted to cut hair. Men’s hair, women’s hair. All hair. I kept a nervous eye on him over my kindle, but like everyone else, pretty much ignored him. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">Then he approached two young, probably early-college-age girls sitting across from me. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">He started telling them how beautiful they were, asking if they were single, going into detail about how fresh-faced and wonderful they looked this morning. They were clearly uncomfortable, shrinking back in their seats and casting nervous glances at their two friends across the aisle. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">I stared hard at him, my heart pounding in my throat, willing him to leave them alone, willing someone to say something, willing <i>myself</i> to say something. I made eye contact with the girls, trying to let them know they weren’t totally alone. But I was scared. What if I said something, and he attacked me? Or pulled out a knife? Or a gun? You just never know. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">He took a step back from them, kissing a silver medallion around his neck and professing his love for Jesus. “No homo, man, just me and Jesus. No homo.” Then he started thrusting his hips at the girls. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">I glanced around the train, but no one else would look at me, much less him. It was surreal, and we were all complicit as we sat there in silence and allowed this man to harass these two girls. It was over in just a few minutes, really, when he walked to the other end of the train, but it left me with a hollow feeling in my stomach and a horrible sense of regret. I should have <i>done</i> something. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">Those two girls will internalize that incident, that sense of fear and shame at being a victim of street harassment in a crowded place where no one else was willing to step up. They will know, intrinsically, that being a woman means being a target. That they are never safe, and that they can’t count on the kindness or decency of strangers. They will be more cautious, more subdued in the future, because they will know that it was somehow their fault for drawing his attention. Even though they were the victims. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">The guilt and impotent rage at not doing anything followed me off the train and into my office. So I posted on reddit about the experience, in the form of an open letter to the girls, apologizing for my silence in the face of their victimization. I know the likelihood that they’d end up reading it is impossibly low, but my point was more to call attention to how prevalent and insidious street harassment is, and the fact that we have a responsibility to stop it when we can. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">I got downvoted to hell. Not that that’s surprising, really, in a predominantly male forum. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><b>“</b><b><span lang="EN">No offense, but if you aren't willing to say something, don't throw a pity party on reddit” <o:p></o:p></span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><b><span lang="EN">“dont post these things. keep it to yourself.”</span><o:p></o:p></b></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">The same message that women hear all the time. <span lang="EN">Keep it to yourself. Deal with it. Let him harass/assault you. It's your fault anyway, because you're a woman. This is normal. This is to be expected. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN">But it shouldn’t be. We all have a responsibility to do something when we see street harassment taking place – even if it’s something passive, like helping the girls change cars/trains. I wish I’d thought of that in the moment. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><br /><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN">I don’t know if I did the right thing or the wrong thing by staying silent. Maybe I could have shut the guy up. Maybe it would have just escalated the situation into something dangerous. But I wish I’d done something more. So this is my something more. So long as it’s physically safe, I won’t be silent anymore. I will say something. Because those girls – and all girls/women – deserve better.&nbsp;</span><o:p></o:p></div>http://desperateforsomething.blogspot.com/2014/01/metro-street-harassment.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Heather Rose )2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1045471885878880964.post-227674763344692713Fri, 20 Dec 2013 15:04:00 +00002013-12-20T10:05:08.625-05:00talking politics (sorry)wtf is wrong with people?Free speech on Republican terms <div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN" style="color: #333333; mso-ansi-language: EN;">I’m so sick of Republicans and their mindless, slavering, hate-mongering, idiot minions who can’t be bothered to pause Fox News long enough to recognize how blatantly evil the religious right has become. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN" style="color: #333333; mso-ansi-language: EN;">How does one deal with the amount of cognitive dissonance it takes to vote Republican these days? Jesus says ‘love thy neighbor.’ But apparently that’s only so long as thy neighbor is white, male, Christian, straight and blindly agrees with everything Rush Limbaugh says. &nbsp;<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN" style="color: #333333; mso-ansi-language: EN;">I’ve seen so many stupid images of people “protesting” A&amp;E over the suspension of the Duck Dynasty ZZ Top-reject and decrying his lack of free speech and claiming he’s being persecuted. He had plenty of free speech. He said something hateful and bigoted and terrible, and he wasn’t thrown in jail for it. Free speech satisfied. Full stop. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN" style="color: #333333; mso-ansi-language: EN;">You do have a right to free speech – but you don’t have a right to whatever speech you want without consequences. See: Yelling ‘fire’ in a crowded theater. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN" style="color: #333333; mso-ansi-language: EN;">Sadly for the gay-bashing, women-hating right, society is changing, no matter how desperately they cling to the glory days of open racism and persecution and inequality. Thanks to New Mexico, marriage equality now exists in 17 states. In just thirteen years, since Vermont became the first state to extend equal marriage rights to gay couples, we’ve seen a HUGE reversal in US opinion toward marriage equality. That’s progress. And no bleating cries of ‘but JESUS!’ are going to drag us backwards. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN" style="color: #333333; mso-ansi-language: EN;">You don’t get to try to invoke your first amendment rights in the battle to deny someone else their first amendment rights. Because the second part of that first amendment people are so determined to defend protects the rest of us from having your convoluted religious pseudo-beliefs forced down our throats. Funny how that works, huh? <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN" style="color: #333333; mso-ansi-language: EN;">Oddly enough, these knuckle-dragging bible thumpers who are up in arms over the Duck Dynasty issue were surprisingly quiet when Martin Bashir lost his job for calling out Sarah Palin's idiocy. Wasn't that his right to free speech? They weren’t particularly outraged either when the Dixie Chicks were slammed for criticizing Bush. Wasn't that their right to free speech? <o:p></o:p></span></div><br /><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN" style="color: #333333; mso-ansi-language: EN;"><br />Oh wait, I see. Free speech is only important when it's the free speech to be an ignorant, intolerant asshole who shares your ass-backwards view of how you think Republican Jesus would want the world to be.<o:p></o:p></span></div>http://desperateforsomething.blogspot.com/2013/12/free-speech-on-republican-terms.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Heather Rose )0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1045471885878880964.post-8773350529226415589Fri, 22 Nov 2013 16:55:00 +00002013-11-22T11:55:39.065-05:00the houseLong overdue kitchen update<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Remember how I said I wasn’t going to settle – I was going to demand what I wanted and finally get what I thought I was paying for? Yeah that didn’t work out. <o:p></o:p></span><br /><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">After weeks of avoiding us, the sleazy sales guy came back out and shook his head and played with our dog and tsked over the fact that yeah, these don’t exactly match what’s in the brochure, but gosh golly gee, there’s just not much we can do about it. I fought back tears while explaining that the money for the renovation came from my dad’s unexpected passing and man, he really just <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">wished</i> there was something more he could do. </span></div><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">They ended up giving us a $200 credit to help cover the $500 difference between the sink we originally bought and the new sink we had to buy to match the sudden turn of events. </span></div><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">We also had to change our countertops, because the old ones I’d picked were going to make the whole place look like one continuous beige-yellow 80s nightmare kitchen. </span></div><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">So the countertops and new sink (we went with copper, which is actually really awesome, although it’s the size of a small bathtub) are in, and we’re just waiting – yet again – for them to find time to come back out and finish up the last remaining details (discolored threshold piece between the new floor and old, random dangling cord, backwards cabinet door, holes in wall and ceiling, etc.). </span></div><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">And then we have to figure out a backsplash and paint, since the company doesn’t do that stuff (well, they’ll do a backsplash, but at this point, we’re not paying them any more for anything else, so we’ll have someone else do it).<o:p></o:p></span></div><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">So with no further ado, here’s the progress so far: <o:p></o:p></span></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://i.imgur.com/pMIGBf1.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="206" src="http://i.imgur.com/pMIGBf1.png" width="400" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><o:p></o:p></span>&nbsp;</div><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">What you can’t see is that hideous 90s doctor’s office fluorescent light has been replaced by recessed lighting – one above the sink, 4 in the main kitchen area, and 1 in the hallway leading into the kitchen. So much brighter in there now. And we got a nice Kenmore French door fridge with freezer on bottom. Not the biggest thing on the market, but the biggest one that would fit. And it has an ice maker. Do you know what a luxury it is to be able to have ice WHENEVER YOU WANT?! Sorry, it’s still really exciting to me. One of those things you don’t notice until you do without for 3 years… </span></div><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">And holy crap I LOVE this oven. The control panel in the front makes SO much more sense than having to lean across 4 hot burners to set the timer or turn the oven on or off. </span></div><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The granite looks really dark in that picture – it’s not so dark in person. <o:p></o:p></span></div><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Here’s a closeup: <o:p></o:p></span></div><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://i.imgur.com/5RqADgF.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://i.imgur.com/5RqADgF.jpg" width="240" /></a></div><span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span>&nbsp;</div><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">So it’s not my vision. It’s not what I wanted, but I think I’m reasonably happy with it. I still cringe when I notice the yellowy doors up against the glaringly white trim, or when I think of the fabulous white subway tiles I can’t use for the backsplash. But it’s just so much better than it was. <o:p></o:p></span></div><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">We were thinking about going with Sherwin Williams’ Breezy for the paint (which is a blue with a definite green undertone), but I bought a sample and the yellowyness of the cabinets makes the paint look a lot bluer on the walls, so we’re still not sure about that. </span></div><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://i.imgur.com/fY7hyST.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="196" src="http://i.imgur.com/fY7hyST.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><o:p></o:p></span>&nbsp;</div><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">There won’t really be any paint around the cabinets since we’ll do the as-yet-undecided backsplash, but we still need a color that pulls everything together. Any suggestions, anyone? </span><br /><span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span><br /><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Also on an unrelated note - I've changed the design around here again. I went back to something really similar to something I had a long time ago. Thoughts? </span></div>http://desperateforsomething.blogspot.com/2013/11/long-overdue-kitchen-update.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Heather Rose )0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1045471885878880964.post-2674052303525040956Wed, 16 Oct 2013 13:11:00 +00002013-10-16T09:14:50.254-04:00panic attacksthe houseKitchen disaster<div class="MsoNormal">Last week, we finally started something I’ve been dreaming about since the day we bought our house: the kitchen renovation. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">If you’ll recall, our kitchen sprang out of the hellish pink-and-blue diamond-checked depths of the early 90s, complete with pink laminate cabinets, beige laminate countertops and a linoleum floor that was perpetually sticky. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-fYP7q24vT_M/Ul6PuTLC8wI/AAAAAAAAAiM/Ut9p0IfFUdI/s1600/kitchen.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-fYP7q24vT_M/Ul6PuTLC8wI/AAAAAAAAAiM/Ut9p0IfFUdI/s320/kitchen.jpg" width="240" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">I swore when we moved in that I couldn’t live with it for a year, and since this coming Saturday will be our one-year anniversary of home ownership, I thought the ugliness would be gone just in time. &nbsp;<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">Unfortunately, on Monday, we hit a major snag. Charming has been home for the past week to keep an eye on the renovations, since he’s been furloughed (fucking Republicans). But Monday I was off, so I stayed home while Charming went fishing. Around 11, the head workman called me into the kitchen to talk about a problem with the sink we bought not fitting in the cabinet they ordered. And as I looked at the 24’’ sink next to the 36’’ cabinet, I realized we had an even bigger problem. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">The cabinets are not the right color. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">Since I first discovered Pinterest, I’ve dreamed of a white kitchen. White cabinets, soft, swirly white and gray granite countertops, dark slate floor. I’ve pinned dozens of pictures and lusted after white apron sinks and spent countless hours drooling over gleaming white tile backsplashes. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">Never once in my dreams have my cabinets taken on the dingy-looking yellowish cream color of the things that are currently halfway installed in my kitchen. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-aijZnpQ7EnM/Ul6PuTLHT9I/AAAAAAAAAiU/HJtk6le8Vpo/s1600/Cabinets.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-aijZnpQ7EnM/Ul6PuTLHT9I/AAAAAAAAAiU/HJtk6le8Vpo/s320/Cabinets.jpg" width="240" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">I cried. Then I called Charming and yelled at him. Then I cried some more. Then I felt insanely, gut-churningly guilty that I didn’t notice this earlier, but I literally had not seen the cabinets in daylight until Monday. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">I spoke with the project manager at the main office, and the sales guy who sold me the wrong color kitchen, and I poured over my contract to discover that I did sign an agreement to buy ‘antique white’ cabinets. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">And I’m just lost and devastated and frustrated and angry all at once, because I’m spending a LOT of money on this, and it’s not what I want. I said over and over and over again that I wanted a white kitchen, and I feel like I wasn’t given clear information when I signed the contract. My mom said ‘well of course antique white isn’t really <i>white</i> white’ but I didn’t know that – I didn’t know that I was being sold something that was not what I was asking for. It should have been made clear that it wasn’t a true white – that it was cream-colored at best. They didn’t have a sample to look at, but I looked at a brochure, and it looked white to me. I really thought I was getting my dream white kitchen. And I don’t want to settle for something that’s going to make me cry every time I look at it. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">I tried looking for pictures on Pinterest to see if maybe I could make the not-white cabinets work, but there are very few images of off-white cabinets with white apron sinks. Probably because it’s a hideous combination. And that doesn’t even take into account the fact that the cabinets don’t match the crown molding in the kitchen, and they certainly don’t match the lovely granite we picked. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">I just can’t live with it. I can’t give in – yet again – and settle, because I’m afraid of causing someone else trouble. Not for this much money. And while my gut reaction is generally to assume that I just don’t deserve to have nice things and that I’m selfish for wanting things, this is my inheritance that I’m spending, and I’m going to get what I thought I was paying for. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">If you went to a car dealership and said you wanted a Lexus, you test drove the Lexus, you signed the paperwork thinking it was for the Lexus, and they brought you a Toyota, you wouldn’t just shrug and accept it because it’s pretty close. You’d demand the Lexus. So I'm demanding my Lexus - for once, I deserve to have something go right.&nbsp;<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">We’re waiting to hear back from the company (who so far does seem willing to at least try to work this out, although better communication would be nice) about what they propose to try to remedy the situation. But I don’t even know what can be done about it. They can’t be painted, because it’ll ruin the finish and void the warranty. The company doesn’t offer the traditional style in a true white. And re-ordering new cabinets is likely going to take months and leave us stranded in a 1500 sq ft hoarders-esq hellhole of new appliances, boxes of materials and boxes upon boxes of kitchen tools and utensils and dry goods.&nbsp;<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-5yQqbmQrAGA/Ul6PubhqYfI/AAAAAAAAAic/psCQ31TUfC0/s1600/LivingRoom.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-5yQqbmQrAGA/Ul6PubhqYfI/AAAAAAAAAic/psCQ31TUfC0/s320/LivingRoom.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">These boxes have now been mostly replaced with a range, a microwave, a dishwasher and a refrigerator. There's a narrow path from the door to our sofa (which is shoved up against the back wall) and into the dining room, where the other refrigerator is currently living. It's a Type A neatfreak's vision of hell.&nbsp;</td></tr></tbody></table><div class="MsoNormal">So right now we're in kitchen limbo, and it's killing me.&nbsp;</div>http://desperateforsomething.blogspot.com/2013/10/kitchen-disaster.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Heather Rose )0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1045471885878880964.post-4648641167806959702Thu, 03 Oct 2013 14:53:00 +00002013-10-03T10:54:14.199-04:00talking politics (sorry)wtf is wrong with people?Republicans lack empathy - that's the real problem here<div class="MsoNormal">Charming and I are fortunate: Despite the fact that he’s a federal employee, and therefor furloughed indefinitely, the shutdown isn’t hitting us that hard. We both have savings (which we were planning to put toward things like ‘vacations’ and ‘retirement,’ not ‘Republican temper tantrums,’ but you know…) and my paycheck is enough to cover the mortgage, bills and food. Depending on how long this lasts, we’ll have to scale back on personal purchases and eating out, but it’s certainly not the end of the world for us. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">But the thing that separates liberals from Republicans is – I am capable of recognizing that millions of Americans are not so lucky. I have this ability to feel <i>empathy</i> – something Republicans truly seem to lack. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">On September 30, before the shutdown had even gone into effect – before we knew there were small concessions, like active duty military still getting paid – Sean Hannity said “<span lang="EN" style="color: #242424; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">this doesn't impact me mentally… I'm not afraid of a couple of weeks of government being shut down.” <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN" style="color: #242424; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Well maybe, Mr. Hannity, that’s because you’re a rich, white male, with all the privileges that implies. Maybe that’s because you’re such a narcissistic, self-serving monster that you’re unable to look beyond the frosted glass windows of your penthouse suite and recognize that there are people suffering needlessly because you’re too greedy and puffed up on Ayn Rand and Koch brothers rhetoric to recognize or care about the humanity of others. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN" style="color: #242424; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">I was an Atlas Shrugged-clutching libertarian in college, I admit it. But even in my heyday of swearing by my life and my love of it that I would not live for the sake of another man, I recognized that strict Objectivism wasn’t a viable political framework. I recognized that in order for there to be a top to reach, there has to be a bottom. But those people don’t deserve to be treated like shit just because I was born more advantageously. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN" style="color: #242424; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><a href="http://www.forbes.com/sites/clareoconnor/2013/10/02/government-shutdown-9-million-moms-and-babies-at-risk-as-wic-program-halts/">Nine million women and children don’t deserve to go hungry</a> because John Boehner wants to ‘win’ something. <a href="http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/health/2013/10/01/federal-shutdown-to-hamper-disease-tracking-clinical-trials/">Children shouldn’t be denied cancer treatment</a> because a bunch of rich white guys don’t want their perceived racial superiority challenged by a black man. <a href="http://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/veterans-benefits-will-be-disrupted-by-extended-shutdown/2013/09/30/7c944ad2-2a0e-11e3-97a3-ff2758228523_story.html">Veterans who have fought for this country don’t deserve to be denied their rightfully-earned benefits</a> because William O’brien (R-NH) thinks health care for 47 million is worse than slavery. 800,000 federal workers shouldn’t be out of a paycheck because the Republicans are just really fucking scared this is going to work. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN" style="color: #242424; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">I consider myself a fiscal conservative, which is why I agree with ObamaCare. The more people have access to preventative care and covered care, the less it costs the rest of us as a society. Twenty percent of our population accounts for 80% of our health care costs – that’s astronomical. Provisions to prevent denial based on pre-existing conditions, and to include preventative care and mental and behavioral health care as ‘essential benefits’ in all insurance plans go a long way toward addressing the needs of that 20%. This IS the fiscally conservative plan.&nbsp;<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN" style="color: #242424; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">But you won’t hear that from most news sources. And you certainly won't hear it from Republicans, even though ObamaCare is largely based on a Republican plan. Because that doesn’t rile people up quite like screaming about the ‘dangers’ of ‘socialism.’ The Republicans have trained their frothing masses to jump at the word ‘freedom,’ and to take their Medicare/social security/WIC/disability/veterans benefits/etc. with one hand while screaming “socialist!” and flipping off the black guy with the other. Republicans only care about 'freedom' and 'opportunity' for themselves; but they've done a great job of convincing millions that hurting themselves is for their own good.&nbsp;<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><br /><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN" style="color: #242424; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">The media needs to stop blaming this shutdown on “Congress” or “political disagreement” and place the blame where it belongs. With the Republicans who are so greedy and heartless and self-serving that they would rather let people starve and children die than admit that maybe, just maybe, they were wrong.&nbsp;<o:p></o:p></span></div>http://desperateforsomething.blogspot.com/2013/10/blame-republicans-it-really-is-their.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Heather Rose )0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1045471885878880964.post-3261949745143095410Mon, 30 Sep 2013 14:37:00 +00002013-09-30T10:37:12.850-04:00talking politics (sorry)The Republicans really are to blame<div class="MsoNormal">How many Republicans does it take to change a lightbulb?<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal">None. They’d rather force everyone to sit in the dark while they try to blame Obama for it. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">Domestic terrorism is defined as the <span lang="EN">“use, planned use, or threatened use of force or violence by a group or individual born, raised, or based and operating primarily within the United States… to intimidate or coerce the United States government, the civilian population of the United States, or any segment thereof, in furtherance of political or social objectives.”</span><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN">The Republicans in the US House of Representatives are domestic terrorists, plain and simple. They are holding the US economy and the welfare of millions hostage to their own archaic social objectives and jeopardizing the lives of millions. Like a child throwing a temper tantrum over not getting their way, they won’t give in unless they’re allowed the concession of hurting several million women in the process. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN">And our own media is complicit in their extortive, radical behavior. By clinging to the misguided notion that they must appear to be ‘fair’ and therefor distribute the blame, the media is obscuring the fact that Republicans are the problem. There is no ‘gridlock,’ this is no ‘political dissent,’ there is no “dereliction of leadership” – there are only power-hungry, women-and-poor/minority hating white Republicans refusing to do what’s best for the country, because it might make Obama look good. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN">Republicans would rather cause actual physical and economic harm to millions than let the black guy ‘win.’ &nbsp;<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><br /><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN">Don’t be fooled by the rhetoric – if women’s health care is jeopardized by an unconstitutional amendment added to the bill, or if the government shuts down, it is because Republicans did it deliberately. It is because Republicans would rather continue to hate women and spite poor people than admit that pro-business, victim-blaming, anti-woman, anti-minority, middle-class-destroying social and economic policy might not be what most sane people actually want.&nbsp;<o:p></o:p></span></div>http://desperateforsomething.blogspot.com/2013/09/the-republicans-really-are-to-blame.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Heather Rose )0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1045471885878880964.post-925223809882359638Thu, 26 Sep 2013 17:27:00 +00002013-09-26T13:35:28.239-04:00talking politics (sorry)women's rights Ken Cuccinelli: Liar, liar pants on fire <div class="MsoNormal">Ken Cuccinelli, Republican candidate for Governor in Virginia, is a liar. This shouldn’t come as a surprise, since he’s part of the anti-woman crowd who has somehow just discovered a la Mitt Romney that you can’t win an election on a platform of hating women. &nbsp;<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">But last night, during a gubernatorial debate, The Cooch had the audacity to claim: “No one up here has done more to protect women than I have.” Was he alone on the stage? But even then, inanimate objects and empty space do more good for women than Ken Cuccinelli. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">This man is downright vicious when it comes to women’s rights. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">Let’s look at a quick list of just what Ken has done to “protect” women:</div><div class="MsoNormal"><div class="MsoNormal"></div><ul><li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Cuccinelli was one of three state Attorney Generals who refused to sign a letter urging Congress to reauthorize the Violence Against Women Act. </b>Ah. The old ‘protecting women by condoning violence against them’ stance. That makes sense.</span></li></ul><div class="MsoNormal"></div><ul><li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>In 2008, Cooch added an amendment to a budget bill that denied over $200,000 in funding to Planned Parenthood. </b>Nothing says protecting women like denying them access to live-saving pap smears and cancer/STD screenings.</span></li></ul><div class="MsoNormal"></div><ul><li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>In April 2013, Cuccinelli certified the Virginia Board Of Health’s decision to introduce and enforce TRAP regulations that shut down NOVA Women’s Healthcare, the state’s largest provider of abortion services.&nbsp;</b>Forcing women to cross state lines, spend even more money, or resort to coat hanger abortions – for their own good, of course!</span></li></ul><div class="MsoNormal"></div><ul><li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>From his supposedly-non-partisan position as AG, Cuccinelli pushed for legislation that defines a fertilized egg as a human being and would ban all abortions, including those resulting from rape and incest, and would declare common forms of birth control like IUDs to be murder. </b>Gotta protect the poor, delicate flowers from those evil, murderous IUDs (and from the ability to control the number and spacing of their children, of course...)</span></li><li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Cuccinelli voted against Senate Bill 1104, which established that “Contraception is not a form of abortion.” </b>Seriously? This is like voting against the “2 + 2 = 4” Bill.</span></li></ul></div><div class="MsoNormal">Sadly, I live in Maryland, and won’t have the great pleasure of going to the ballot box in November to vote against Cuccinelli. But if you live in Virginia or know anyone who does, make sure they’re voting for Terry McAuliffe for Governor. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><br /><div class="MsoNormal">Because the main thing Ken Cuccinelli needs to do to protect women is to GO AWAY.&nbsp;<o:p></o:p></div>http://desperateforsomething.blogspot.com/2013/09/ken-cuccinelli-liar-liar-pants-on-fire.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Heather Rose )0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1045471885878880964.post-66803992382079374Mon, 23 Sep 2013 18:07:00 +00002013-09-23T14:07:47.949-04:00women's rightswtf is wrong with people?Creepy Uncle Sam video <span style="font-family: Calibri;">A few days ago, the Koch brothers released a ‘Creepy Uncle Sam’ video which likens ObamaCare to sexual assault. </span><br /> <br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">This, from the party of forced transvaginal ultrasounds, and the ‘if it’s inevitable, lay back and enjoy it’ approach to rape. Irony level = expert. </span></div><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">There’s a certain level of viciousness in co-opting something as painful and degrading as sexual assault, and using it to further injure and degrade millions of Americans, particularly women. ObamaCare is already providing affordable access to sexual and reproductive health care for 47 million women, and to use sexual assault imagery and rhetoric to coerce women into giving up that access is absolutely despicable. </span></div><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The amount of mental gymnastics it takes to be a Republican these days is impressive, but even more impressive – or rather, terrifying – is the fact that there are millions of Americans dumb enough to believe it. <o:p></o:p></span></div><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The Koch brothers have slowly but surely crafted not only a party of greedy, corrupt liars, but a political base so dumb you just have to insert the word “freedom!” into a talking point Mad Libs-style to get them to cheerfully and righteously vote in direct opposition to their best interests.&nbsp;<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">&nbsp;</span></span></div><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">There is so much misinformation about ObamaCare, and the ones we should be able to turn to for accurate information – a theoretically-impartial news media – are the very ones (*cough* Fox News *cough*) spreading the majority of the lies.&nbsp;<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">&nbsp;</span></span></div><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Here’s a good website about what ObamaCare actually does: </span><a href="http://obamacarefacts.com/obamacare-facts.php"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Calibri;">ObamaCare Facts</span></a><span style="font-family: Calibri;">.<o:p></o:p></span></div>http://desperateforsomething.blogspot.com/2013/09/creepy-uncle-sam-video.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Heather Rose )0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1045471885878880964.post-2467895600569521013Wed, 04 Sep 2013 16:02:00 +00002013-09-04T12:02:01.428-04:00speaking upwomen's rightsNasty comments <span style="font-family: Calibri;">So I received a nasty blog comment from a MRA troll, and have been debating how to handle it. I deleted the comment itself, but considered some petty revenge, like posting his IP address and associated email account and letting people have at him, or writing some long, scathing diatribe explaining how having an extra 3’’ of impotent flesh between your legs doesn’t make you superior to women. <o:p></o:p></span><br /> <br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">But then I cooled down a little and realized that mostly I just feel pity for this guy. Because that much hatred toward women is generally a by-product of an abusive or negative upbringing. Possibly even sexual abuse, judging by his apparent obsession with penises. Likely his mom wasn’t able to give him the care or attention he (or any child) deserved, and if there was a father figure, he probably wasn’t a great role model. <o:p></o:p></span></div><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">If they struggled financially (which seems likely from this guy’s rant – he was very focused on sex for profit), that would have added an additional layer of bricks to the giant wall he’d need to overcome in life. A recently-released decades-long study found that </span><a href="http://www.businessinsider.com/crack-baby-myth-debunked-2013-7"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Calibri;">poverty is actually more dangerous to a child</span></a><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> than being born to a crack-addicted mother. <o:p></o:p></span></div><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The odds were likely stacked against him, and he’s internalized that insecurity and fear and is now projecting it on anyone who might seem ‘weaker’ than him. He thinks that by stilting my agency or quieting my voice, he’ll somehow compensate for his own lack of control over his own situation. Sadly, it’s not a zero-sum game. Shutting me up (which, by the way, isn’t going to happen) will not give you more voice or more power. <o:p></o:p></span></div><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">And people like this are why, despite my soul-deep passion for reproductive justice, I currently work for mental health care access. Every child should be a wanted child, but if they’re not, they should have access to the care they need to overcome the mental shackles of emotional or physical abuse. </span></div><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">One in four people will face a mental health care issue in their lifetime, and 75% of the complaints people present to their primary care provider have no biological basis. This is the Achilles Heel of our society – we spend so much time and money treating the results, but we never address the actual cause. We need to be able to get help to the people who need it, before it manifests as a chronic physical issue and before they start taking their pain out on others. </span></div><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">So actually, thank you, Mr. MRA Troll, because I was in a little bit of a writing rut before your comment. And now I realize that I do have so much more to say. And I’m going to keep saying it, both because of you and FOR you, because maybe one day, you’ll benefit from the very voices you’re trying to snuff out. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">&nbsp;</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>http://desperateforsomething.blogspot.com/2013/09/nasty-comments.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Heather Rose )1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1045471885878880964.post-479993905039923105Thu, 15 Aug 2013 14:12:00 +00002013-08-15T10:12:57.945-04:00talking politics (sorry)women's rightsSharing stories <br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">While grabbing my morning Red Bull (I know, I know), I heard on the radio that a WWE wrestler had just come out as gay. The DJs were lauding his bravery in telling his story and becoming the first openly gay WWE wrestler. And you know what? It made me mad. </span></div><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">It made me so mad, that in 2013, people are still being compelled to share private information, just to ‘prove’ that they’re still people, deserving of equal protection under the law. As we so often do here in the good ol’ United States of ‘Murica, we’re putting the onus on the victim to prove that they don’t deserve to be discriminated against and treated like second class citizens. <o:p></o:p></span></div><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Rather than forcing the bigots and homophobes to prove that their appalling lack of humanity deserves to be socially condoned (the US divorce rate is above 50%, so don’t fucking talk to me about ‘traditional families’ or ‘the sanctity of marriage’), we’ve thus far continued to give credence to their hatred and made their victims continue to fight for basic rights. </span></div><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">And we’re doing the same thing with abortions. The organization </span><a href="http://www.drawtheline.org/"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Calibri;">Draw The Line</span></a><span style="font-family: Calibri;">, which encourages people to tell their Congressmen to draw the line against attacks on women’s health care, is encouraging women to share their stories of their abortions as part of their 31 days of unity. Maybe some women will want to share, maybe some won’t, maybe they’ll be indifferent, but why should anyone have to be asked to divulge personal medical decisions just to prove to the rabid misogynistic masses that they deserved that access to their constitutional rights? </span></div><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">As I’ve mentioned before, a big part of Roe v. Wade was that women have a right to privacy in their medical decisions. As guaranteed by the 4<sup><span style="font-size: x-small;">th</span></sup> Amendment to the US Constitution. Why should we continually be compelled to try to prove that we’re not horrible slutty subhumans who no longer deserve protection under the law? Why is the religious right allowed to continually attempt to subjugate us to their religious preferences, in direct violation of our 1<sup><span style="font-size: x-small;">st</span></sup> and 4<sup><span style="font-size: x-small;">th</span></sup> amendment rights? <o:p></o:p></span></div><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Unless someone can prove that the government has a compelling interest to protect the life of a cell cluster OVER OR AT THE EXPENSE OF MY LIFE – because that’s the distinction here – I should not have to continually go to bat to prove that I’m an autonomous human being deserving of a little basic human dignity. <o:p></o:p></span></div><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Beyond the point of viability, one could argue that the government has a compelling interest to protect the new life, because that life is now capable of existing without the woman’s body and the government could theoretically continue to support it (hah!). But before that point, if removed from the woman’s uterus, it’s not a living person. The government would have to hold a woman hostage and force her to carry to term in order to support that life. The government would have to put the rights of the fetus ABOVE the rights of the mother. <o:p></o:p></span></div><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’m tired of being a victim. I’m tired of my LGBT friends being victims. Claiming ‘my imaginary friend told me so!’ is not valid justification for infringing upon the basic rights of others. We need to stop tolerating these attacks – stop legitimizing bigotry and misogyny by giving them a voice in our legal system. That’s the story that I’m going to share. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">&nbsp;</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>http://desperateforsomething.blogspot.com/2013/08/sharing-stories.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Heather Rose )0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1045471885878880964.post-3170954620980011124Mon, 12 Aug 2013 20:08:00 +00002013-08-12T16:08:13.514-04:00the houseInterior design help! <br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Ok, so I’m looking for some feedback. Despite my promise to myself to take the home renovation projects one at a time, we’re currently in the midst of redoing our kitchen (professionally), master bedroom and dining room, all pretty much at the same time. Whoops. <o:p></o:p></span></div><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">But I’m kind of stumped on the dining room and hoping for some help. It’s a smallish room, with a large window, a built-in corner cabinet and no solid walls (one wall is ¾ open to the living room, one wall is about ½ open to the breakfast nook, one has a window, and one has a door to the office). It does have a chair rail and molding, and I considered adding wainscoting, but Charming pointed out that the irregularity in the walls would make it difficult/possibly ugly. </span></div><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’m thinking I want to paint the top of the chair rail and bottom two different (complementary?) colors for some visual interest. But it can’t be too wild, because it has to flow with the rest of the house (which will eventually be a light grey) and the kitchen, which is currently a greige color, but that could change. <o:p></o:p></span></div><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">We bought paint samples in Benjamin Moore Lucerne and Benjamin Moore Creamy Custard, imagining that the Lucerne would be on top, and the Creamy Custard would be on the bottom with the white chair rail and molding as contrast, but now I’m thinking that weird pop of tannish-orangey-pink won’t really fit the rest of the house. </span></div><br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-9ctg1YCmdPQ/UglAc-_UgQI/AAAAAAAAAgw/njQ9auF0vk4/s1600/BMcolors.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="160" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-9ctg1YCmdPQ/UglAc-_UgQI/AAAAAAAAAgw/njQ9auF0vk4/s320/BMcolors.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span></o:p><br /> <br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Sooo … what do you all think? A different color on the bottom? On the top? Like a lighter blue? Or yellow? Or something else I haven’t considered? Help! <o:p></o:p></span></div>http://desperateforsomething.blogspot.com/2013/08/interior-design-help.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Heather Rose )2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1045471885878880964.post-3664660256248188448Thu, 08 Aug 2013 15:41:00 +00002013-08-08T11:41:50.138-04:00The Steelers suckunbearable sadnessMixed emotions <br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’ve got two things on my mind right now, and I’ve wanted to write about both, so I’m just going to go ahead and combine them. Even though they’re almost entirely unrelated. <o:p></o:p></span></div><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">First, I’ve started the process to change my name. It’s not really a big deal – despite being a stark raving feminist, I’ve always known I’d opt to change my name for the sake of convenience. (Of course, I always thought I’d marry a guy with a nice last name like Smith or Jones and that totally didn’t happen. Thanks a lot, Charming.) But it still feels weird. On one hand, there’s sort of a sense of excitement at the prospect of starting over, of forming a new familial unit with Charming. But on the other, it’s – maybe not letting go of, but hiding? – part of my past and part of what made me who I am. </span></div><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">My uncertainty probably has something to do with my father passing, too. What started out as my original family unit is now down to just my brother bearing the last name. There are other extended family members with the name, but… I don’t know, it’s sort of the end of an era, or something. I still do a double-take when I see my new name on Facebook. </span></div><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’ll get over it, I’m sure, and I feel pretty confident that me changing my last name was the right decision for us (I certainly couldn’t hyphenate two long, ridiculously-hard-to-spell last names – can you imagine how much any hypothetical future children would hate me?) but there’s just this last little edge of lingering sadness attached to it. <o:p></o:p></span></div><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The other thing on my mind has even more to do with my dad. The Ravens. Our first preseason game is tonight, and I feel like I’m almost afraid to watch. Not because our defense has been completely gutted and pasted back together with rookies, but because I don’t know how it’s going to feel. Can I enjoy watching the Ravens knowing I’ll never share that with my dad again? If I do enjoy watching still, will I feel guilty for that? <o:p></o:p></span></div><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I grew up listening to him talk about the old Baltimore Colts and tell stories about sneaking 12 people into Memorial Stadium with 6 tickets and a fake press badge. When the Baltimore Stallions CFL team came to town, he used to pull me out of Hebrew School classes on Sundays so there’d be enough time to paint my face before we went to the game. When we won that first Super Bowl in 2000 – that might have been the first civil conversation we had with each other after my parents’ divorce. <o:p></o:p></span></div><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">So much of my passion for the Ravens is interwoven with memories of my dad. Moving the motley crew of 6-8 Ravens fans to The Tavern in Austin to start our local nest, and watching that nest grow to 50-80+ diehard fans. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">&nbsp;</span>Watching the Ravens destroy the Patriots on my dad’s birthday en route to their Super Bowl victory. Learning the true art of hating the Pissburgh Squeelers. Quoting Ray Lewis at his funeral. <o:p></o:p></span></div><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’m grieving, still, and find myself terribly off-balance in a world that seems to have kept rotating without me. Maybe it will pass, maybe it will never truly pass, but I guess I’ll find out tonight if I’m still able to find joy in large men in tight pants. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">&nbsp;</span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><o:p></o:p></i></span></div>http://desperateforsomething.blogspot.com/2013/08/mixed-emotions.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Heather Rose )2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1045471885878880964.post-4942809902010020826Wed, 24 Jul 2013 17:16:00 +00002013-07-24T13:16:41.504-04:00talking politics (sorry)women's rightsA guide to refuting common “pro-life” argumentsI spend a lot of time arguing politics on the internet. I recently discovered that I’ve been spending far too much time going back and force, pulling different sources to fight what are essentially the same fallible arguments over and over again. So I’ve compiled list of ‘pro-life’ arguments, and my favorite ways to rebut them.<br /><div class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN">I can respect people who truly believe that abortion is murder and who truly want to reduce abortion rates, so long as they're willing to learn and hopefully recognize that the so-called 'pro-life' movement is NOT the way to do it. We know the answer – <a href="http://www.guttmacher.org/pubs/tgr/06/4/gr060407.html">when you give women access to contraceptives, abortion rates go down</a>. It’s not rocket science. But so many people want to ignore reality and continue to work at cross purposes. We need to work together with the honest pro-lifers (not the ones who hide behind the rhetoric because they secretly want to control women) in order to improve health care and respect for women worldwide. </span><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN">Have any more pro-life arguments you want me to refute? Post them in the comments or email them and I’d be happy to add to the list (or write a part 2 or whatever).&nbsp;</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><b>1. Abortion is murder!</b><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">I only accept this argument at all if the person is completely against ALL exemptions. If they truly believe abortion is murder, it should still be murder in the face of rape, incest or the likely death of the mother. Most pro-lifers are willing to ‘compromise’ on these exemptions because on some level, they do recognize that a woman also has some sort of right to life. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">Exemptions for rape, incest and life of the mother are problematic, too. <span lang="EN">They’re nice enough in theory, but the decision is still being left up to a 3rd party. Who gets to decide if a woman's life is in <b>enough</b>danger? Or if it was legitimate rape? (Or forcible rape, date rape, we-had-sex-once-so-now-I-can-have-sex-with-her-whenever-I-want-rape, unconscious rape, asking for it rape, emergency rape…) &nbsp;Should a panel of republican men be present at every abortion to make sure it's being done for a morally-approvable reason? Or maybe -just maybe- should women be entitled to privacy and respect in their medical decisions, as if they were actually first class citizens?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">Also, in order for this to be a true statement, miscarriage (a woman’s body willfully terminating a pregnancy) would have to be at least manslaughter, and pregnant women would have to be treated as potential criminals from the first skipped period. After all, if ending a “life” is wrong, it should always be wrong. I’ve found that most people aren’t quite this extreme, but some are because they believe in the trumped up biblical philosophy that a woman’s only purpose is to reproduce. If she dies in the process, it’s no more or less than she deserves. &nbsp;<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><b>2. The fetus is a human being with a right to life. </b><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">On the surface, I’m fine with this. If you want to believe that a cluster of two cells is the same as you in every way that matters, go for it. But that’s based on a religious/philosophical understanding of what meaningful “life” is, and last I checked, the First Amendment still stands (at least for the time being). The part I don’t agree with is where they want to impose this belief on me and my body. In Judaism, you are not officially a ‘person’ until after birth. Even still births are not considered worthy of a mourning period. I’m not saying Judaism is right or wrong, but I am asking why one religious belief should be considered ‘more right’ than another. (Especially since religious beliefs should have no bearing on US law.)<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">The problem with this statement is also that, by necessity, it means that the fetus has MORE of a right to life than the mother. If one person is trapped in a burning building, and a witness is standing outside, the witness cannot be compelled to go into the building against their will to save the other person. The life of the person in the building is not MORE valuable than the life of the person outside. In the same sense, a woman cannot be compelled to risk her life through pregnancy for a potential life against her will. Soldiers are also human beings with the right to life, but the third amendment to the Constitution guarantees that we don’t have to quarter them in our homes against our will. Why should that be any different for a person/almost-person inside our bodies? <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN">You are 14 times more likely to die on average from a pregnancy than an abortion, and that figure goes up depending on maternal age (either very young or older). A woman is certainly allowed to risk her life to produce another, but she cannot be compelled to do so. Otherwise, women are nothing but livestock kept for breeding purposes. Regardless of whether you personally think a 6 week cell cluster is the same thing as me, you lack empathy if you are willing to prioritize the 'life' of that cluster over me and are unable to understand that I deserve the right to make my own decisions about my own body and my own life.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN"><b>3. It’s not about women’s rights, it’s about human rights.</b><o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN">In countries where abortion is illegal or heavily regulated, the <a href="http://www.guttmacher.org/pubs/fb_IAW.html">rate of abortion is actually HIGHER</a>. That means the same number of 'babies' are still being killed, AND hundreds of thousands of women are being injured/killed as well.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN"><br />If you want to cure something, you have to start with the problem. The problem is unplanned pregnancies. If you can drastically reduce/almost eliminate unplanned pregnancies, you can drastically reduce abortion rates (though we’ve still got a long way to go on making pregnancy safe and foolproof). Just like eliminating chemotherapy won't prevent people from getting cancer; banning abortion will not address the reasons (poverty, timing, illness, financial circumstances, etc.) why people need them. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN"><br />Abortion will ALWAYS be a necessity in a free world. Until we end rape and fetal abnormalities and the risk associated with pregnancy (you're MUCH more likely to die from pregnancy than from an abortion), women will always need to have access to safe abortions.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN"><br />If we truly want to improve all human rights, we need to stop blaming women for their circumstances (poverty, lack of education, lack of access) and start fixing those circumstances. Women are roughly half the human population, and we have just as much right to life as the male half. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><b>4. She accepted the consequences when she had sex. </b><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN">So if you smoke, should you be allowed to die of lung cancer, or should we continue to try to treat lung cancer? If you're in a car accident, should you be left to die on the side of the road, since it was your decision to drive in the first place? <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN">Five percent of unwanted pregnancies result from women who are using contraceptives correctly - the other <b>95%</b> result from women using them incorrectly or inconsistently. We can prevent unwanted pregnancies (which would reduce abortion rates!) considerably more effectively by making sure women have access to accurate sex education and contraception. Teaching women to use contraceptives correctly is far, far more effective than preaching at everyone to not have sex. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN">Also, sometimes wanted pregnancies turn into unwanted pregnancies due to changed financial/physical/emotional/etc. circumstances, or due to complications with the pregnancy/fetal abnormalities incompatible with life. Making abortions illegal and unsafe only serves to punish women who already find themselves in untenable situations. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><b>5. She should have kept her legs closed.</b><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN">This is nice for some people, but it ignores reality (and the fact that women are not and should not be treated as gate keepers of all sexual activity). You're not going to stop people from having sex. So at some point, you either accept that reality and work with it, or you keep beating the same poor dead horse. The definition of insanity trying the same thing over and over again and expecting a different outcome. "Abstinence only" is not a new concept. And it has never worked. 2013 is as good a time as any to move on. Trying to force the moral belief that sex is wrong on everyone just isn’t going to work. Go do some research on “prohibition” and let me know how that worked out. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN"><b>6. Adoption is an option.</b><o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN">No matter the pretty rhetoric about how many people there are who desperately want to adopt, most women who cannot afford a child also cannot afford a 9 month pregnancy or delivery. The average cost of prenatal care and delivery in the US without insurance is anywhere from $9,000 to $250,000+ if there are complications. As this week’s news starkly highlighted – the royal birth in England cost about $15,000, including security details, a private wing of the hospital, etc. In the US, the average hospital birth (vaginal, not even C-section, which is more expensive) costs $30,000. And that doesn’t include the physical and emotional cost of a 9 month pregnancy and labor. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN">More than <a href="http://www.adoptuskids.org/meet-the-children">250,000 children are placed into foster care</a> EACH YEAR. Right now today, there are more than 110,000 adoptable children in foster care waiting to be adopted. <a href="http://www.ccainstitute.org/why-we-do-it-/facts-and-statistics.html">Worldwide, there are 17,800,000+ orphans</a> (who have lost both parents) living in orphanages or on the streets. Each year in the US, 27,000 children age out of the foster care system, and 25% of them don't have a high school diploma. Minority children have considerably lower adoption rates than white children, and they also make up more than 60% of the children in foster care (U.S. DHHS, 2008a; U.S. GAO, 2007).<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN"><br />Pro-lifers love to throw adoption out as a trump card, but it’s only a solution sometimes, and often only if the baby is white and healthy - otherwise it gets dumped into the system and forgotten about, along with millions of other children. This is the real travesty of the pro-life movement - they want all these babies born, but they want nothing to do with them once they're here. We need to solve these problems first before we try to force more women to give birth to more unwanted children.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN"><b>7. Abortion is just eugenics – you’re trying to kill off all the black babies!</b><o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN">Abortions are considerably more likely to be a result of economic factors than race. Minorities are more likely to be low income (thanks to Republican policies!) which is why they account for a disproportionate amount (by percentage) of abortions.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN">Minorities, particularly in highly religious areas, are more susceptible to getting trapped in poverty cycles, because they lack education and access to contraception. <a href="http://www.guttmacher.org/pubs/gpr/11/3/gpr110302.html">Abortion rates mirror unintended pregnancy rates</a>, and unintended pregnancies occur when women lack access to sustainable and/or affordable methods of birth control (you can keep denying reality all you want, but sex is a natural, biological function that people engage in, whether you harp moralistically against it or not). <br />If you want to end disproportionate minority abortion rates, you need to end the cycle of poverty. You're not going to do that by forcing them to have more children - you do it by empowering them to determine whether and when they have children.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN">Until we end rape, incest, fetal anomalies, unwanted pregnancies and all risks associated with pregnancy, abortion is necessary and must be a protected legal right if you have any sort of respect for women at all. If someone actually supports lowering abortion rates, they should be pro-education and pro-contraception, not anti-woman. Because teaching people how condoms work does a whole lot more to prevent abortions than shaming them outside abortion clinics.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN"><b>8. Abortion is a matter of convenience.</b><o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN">Yes, I find being alive and treated as a human being to be very convenient. The decision in Roe v. Wade was based on the idea that women have a right to privacy in their medical decisions (kind of like men do). That means regardless of the reason for an abortion, no one has a right to a) even know the reason or b) judge, whether they know the reason or not. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN">There have been many stories lately of women speaking out about their abortions in an attempt to ‘legitimize’ something they should not have to justify to anyone. Women are being coerced into sharing intensely private, personal decisions just to attempt to prove to the religious wingnuts that not all women are baby-murdering sluts. It’s emotional tyranny to make a woman feel guilty for valuing her own life. Maybe we should just go back to putting women in the stocks and stoning them when they dare think or speak for themselves. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN"><b>9. Women don’t understand the consequences of abortion.</b><o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN">This is the most infuriating argument. It implies that women are idiots, and not capable of thinking for themselves or making their own decisions. We do not need to be condescended to by the religious right.<br />I promise you that all women seeking abortions understand that abortions end pregnancy.<br />If pro-lifers want to educate people they should be providing accurate sex education in high schools -- THAT'S where education is lacking. And I'm not talking "hand-holding is a gateway sexual activity" education. I'm talking 'this is what a condom is and this is how it works' education.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN"><b>10. Gosnell!</b><o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN">By making abortions safe and affordable and accessible for low-income women, we can ensure that women aren't forced to resort to butchers like him.<br />This is what so-called pro-lifers don't understand - all of the restrictions and limitations and waiting periods and forced ultrasounds and attempts to 'eliminate' abortion just open the door for more criminals like this. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><br /><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div>http://desperateforsomething.blogspot.com/2013/07/a-guide-to-refuting-common-pro-life.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Heather Rose )4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1045471885878880964.post-2196349022202146968Fri, 12 Jul 2013 20:27:00 +00002013-07-12T16:27:05.134-04:00Dexter dogDexter and the storm <div class="MsoNormal">Around 11:30 last night – long after us old people were in bed and asleep – Charming’s cell phone started vibrating. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">Me: Charming, your phone<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal">Charming: [Snoring]<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal">Me: *Shoves* Your phone!<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal">Charming: [Garbled noises] Huh?<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal">Me: YOUR PHONE. IT’S RINGING. LOOK AT IT. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal">Charming: Uggnnhhh flash flood warning. [Snoring]<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">That’s about when I became aware that we were in the midst of a torrential monsoon. Our bedroom felt like the inside of a disco ball, with the repeated flashing lights, and the splattering noises were so loud on one window that I risked leaving the cocoon-y warmth of my bed and tripping over unpacked suitcases and gym bags to go make sure it wasn’t leaking. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">When I climbed back into bed, Dexter climbed on top of me. He settled his full 65+ shaking lbs right on my chest, with his nose pressed to mine, and stared at me as if it were somehow my fault there was a storm going on. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">“Yes, I know Dexter, it’s raining, you’re fine, go to sleep.” <br /><br />I turned my whole body and managed to dump him back into the narrow space between me and Charming, but he scrambled back up and plopped his head back down on top of me. I figured that was the best compromise I could hope for, and managed to fall back asleep. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">A couple hours later, I awoke, somewhat uncomfortable, and found myself lying almost entirely on top of the dog. He’d managed to wedge his legs and most &nbsp;of his body underneath me, and my left leg was hanging off the bed from the knee down. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">I dragged his furry butt off the bed, re-staked out by position on my half of the bed, and let him jump back up. On top of me. Where he whimpered a couple times and tried to convey by staring intently into my eyes, the horrific-ness of the storm still raging outside. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">“Yes Dexter, I know, it’s still raining. Come here, I’ll cuddle you.” Oddly enough, explaining things logically to a dog doesn’t work. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">I rolled him back down out of my breathing space, waited until he’d located all my ribs to jab with his paws, and accepted the fact that I was going to be breathing doggy snores for the rest of the night. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">Except not, because the next time I woke up, he was standing over me, whining insistently and wondering why on earth the stupid human couldn’t just understand that she’s supposed to turn the scariness off. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">I tried waking Charming because the stupid dog likes him more anyway, but naturally he slept through it. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">I managed to lay Dexter back down again, but he just put his head back on my chest and continued to stare despondently at me as if my failure to make the bad noises stop was a personal assault and absolute, irrefutable proof that I no longer loved him. &nbsp;<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><br /><div class="MsoNormal">Shockingly, neither one of us wanted to get out of bed this morning.&nbsp;<o:p></o:p></div>http://desperateforsomething.blogspot.com/2013/07/dexter-and-storm.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Heather Rose )1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1045471885878880964.post-6286303257734093291Wed, 19 Jun 2013 21:48:00 +00002013-06-19T17:48:16.622-04:00Quick update from the airportCharming and I are currently at JFK waiting for our (delayed) flight to Barcelona for our honeymoon. &nbsp; I'll be gone for 2 1/2 weeks, but the political rants will be back in full force once we're back!<br /><br />In the meantime, I'm enjoying the lap of luxury otherwise known as the Admiral's Club. Did you know rich people get free top-shelf booze? I may or may not already have had 2 grey goose bloody Mary's. That may also have given me away as someone who's not actually rich...<br /><br />Anyway, I'm looking forward to disconnecting for a couple weeks, so talk to y'all later!<br /><br /><br />http://desperateforsomething.blogspot.com/2013/06/quick-update-from-airport.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Heather Rose )1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1045471885878880964.post-9076498664473125121Fri, 14 Jun 2013 15:51:00 +00002013-06-14T11:51:54.390-04:00talking politics (sorry)women's rightsWhy are Republicans obsessed with abortion?<div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN" style="font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN;">An acquaintance asked the other day in an online forum why Republicans are so obsessed with abortion. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN" style="font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN;">After all, it and the subsequent idiotic comments about rape they couldn’t control themselves from making, cost them the 2012 election. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN" style="font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN;">The answer is, because abortion is a religious issue, and Republicans get a LOT of backing/support from religious organizations. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN" style="font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN;">It really has nothing to do with all the wee little babies, despite their aggressive rhetoric. It's just one more platform for controlling women and returning us to our biblical place. The rhetoric about poor dead babies just riles up the frothing, sign-waving masses who are too enraptured by the Word of God to question the fact that it’s coming from very-fallible men. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN" style="font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN;">We know how to drastically reduce abortion rates - it's not rocket science - you improve sex education and provide easier, cheaper access to contraceptives. The reason that isn't happening is because those things empower women - they give women the ability to get out of poverty and control the number and spacing of their children and control their sexuality. The religious wingnuts can't come right out and say that they don’t want women to be equal (ok, some of them do), so they hide it behind the abortion debate instead.</span> <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN" style="font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN;">Within just a few years, we could see a radical drop in abortion rates if the Obamacare contraceptive mandate is fully implemented, and if schools/politicians would give up the abstinence-only, hand-holding-is-a-gateway-sexual-activity nonsense, but they won’t, because it’s not really about the abortion rates at all. It’s about controlling female sexuality, implementing Christian beliefs, and forcing more women to be pregnant more often so we spend less time in the workplace and more time in the kitchen. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN" style="font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN;">Politicians and internet trolls and heartfelt defenders of the unborn like to claim that ending abortion is about the sanctity of human life. About ending the brutal genocide of those who can’t speak to protect themselves. But the goals and agenda of the so-called “pro-life” movement would do absolutely nothing to reduce abortion rates. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN" style="font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN;">In fact, countries with highly restrictive abortion laws or where abortion is illegal actually have HIGHER abortion rates. According to a January 2012 report from the Guttmacher Institute, “</span><span style="font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;; font-size: 12.0pt;">the abortion rate is 29 per 1,000 women of childbearing age in Africa and 32 per 1,000 in Latin America—regions in which abortion is illegal under most circumstances in the majority of countries. The rate is 12 per 1,000 in Western Europe, where abortion is generally permitted on broad grounds.” <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;; font-size: 12.0pt;">Restrictive abortion practices tend to go hand-in-hand with religiously-motivated laws that prevent sex education and access to contraceptives. When you trick women into becoming pregnant against their wishes, more women are going to seek out abortions. The same amount of embryos/fetuses die – the only difference is that more women die or are grievously injured along with them. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;; font-size: 12.0pt;">And unfortunately, that’s the actual goal. To punish women. If women die from seeking abortions, it’s no more or less than they deserve for daring to have non-God-sanctioned sex, or for trying to have control over their lives and futures. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;; font-size: 12.0pt;">The blind army of pro-life minions also loves to claim that adoption is an option and you don’t have to kill a child because someone else will want it. </span><span lang="EN" style="font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">More than <a href="http://www.adoptuskids.org/meet-the-children">250,000 children are placed into foster care</a> each year. Right now today, there are more than 110,000 adoptable children in foster care waiting to be adopted. <a href="http://www.ccainstitute.org/why-we-do-it-/facts-and-statistics.html">Worldwide, there are 17,800,000+ orphans</a> (who have lost both parents) living in orphanages or on the streets. Every year in the US, 27,000 children age out of the foster care system, and 25% of them don't have a high school diploma. Minority children have considerably lower adoption rates than white children, and they also make up more than 60% of the children in foster care (U.S. DHHS, 2008a; U.S. GAO, 2007). Adoption is an option, but only if the baby is white and healthy and the circumstances for its adoption work out perfectly.&nbsp; <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN" style="font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">This is the real travesty of the Republican pro-life movement - they want all these babies born, but they want nothing to do with them once they're here. We need to solve these problems first before we try to force more women to give birth to more unwanted children.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN" style="font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">I’m not asking anyone to be “pro-abortion.” There are a lot of people who currently align themselves with the “pro-life” movement who would be much better served to join the pro-choice/pro-woman movement. If your goal is to truly protect the unborn and reduce abortion rates, join those of us who actually care about addressing the problems that lead to high abortion rates. Let’s fix the circumstances – rampant poverty, lack of education, lack of access to care and contraceptives – that lead to high abortion rates, rather than punishing the women who fall victim to those circumstances. Wave bloody fetus signs at the Republicans who are cutting food stamps and school lunch programs and tax breaks that help low income families – not at the women who are being targeted by them. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><br /><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN" style="font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">Until we end rape and fetal abnormalities and the risk associated with pregnancy (you're 14 times more likely to die from pregnancy than from an abortion), women will always need to have access to safe abortions. But let’s make it rarer by wresting this debate back from the religious right and empowering women to control their reproductive outcomes.&nbsp;</span><span lang="EN" style="font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>http://desperateforsomething.blogspot.com/2013/06/why-are-republicans-obsessed-with.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Heather Rose )2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1045471885878880964.post-6092310823615812776Fri, 07 Jun 2013 14:24:00 +00002013-06-14T11:52:06.543-04:00women's rightsMatt Birk and the scapegoating of Planned Parenthood<div class="MsoNormal">I’m a huge Ravens fan – most people know that about me – and up until about an hour ago, I was a huge fan of our former center and six-time Pro Bowler Matt Birk. He came back for a 15<sup>th</sup> NFL season to help us win the Super Bowl, but apparently his dedication on the field also extends to dedicated&nbsp;<a href="http://www.care2.com/causes/yes-matt-birk-you-are-an-anti-gay-bigot.html">opposition to equality</a> and basic human decency off the field. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">Birk whined to the media to gain attention for boycotting the Ravens’ trip to the White House on Wednesday. His reason? Two months ago, President Obama said “Thank you Planned Parenthood.” <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">Birk was outraged that President Obama would express support for an organization that performs approximately 330,000 abortions a year, because Birk is a Catholic, and everyone should live according to his selective morality (Article 5, section 2289 of the Catechism of the Catholic Church <a href="http://www.vatican.va/archive/ccc_css/archive/catechism/p3s2c2a5.htm">rejects idolization of physical perfection and success at sports</a>, Matt…). Oh wait, this isn’t Ireland? &nbsp;<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">Yes, Planned Parenthood’s annual report showed just over 330,000 abortions last year nationwide, but it also showed STD testing and treatment for more than 4 million people, cancer screening and prevention for 1.6 million people, and contraceptive services to 3.6 million men and women, which prevented an untold number of unwanted pregnancies and abortions. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">But facts just don’t matter to these people. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">Planned Parenthood is a convenient scapegoat for the woman-hating pro-birthers who believe cell clusters have more rights than women, and that all women should be forced to live according to the selected bits of the Bible they choose to believe and follow. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">The fact that abortions are only 3% of the services Planned Parenthood provides (without taxpayer funding!) and that Planned Parenthood saves far, FAR more lives than it ‘ends’ (we can debate whether an embryonic cell cluster is even a ‘human life’ at some other time) means nothing in the face of their dogmatic denial of reality. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">Because lurking just below the surface of the beleaguered ‘but the babies!!’ battlecry is a seething hatred of women who dare to express sexuality or control their own lives. If they were truly “pro-life,” they would celebrate the fact that more than 5,000,000 women per year are able to preserve their health and lives thanks to Planned Parenthood. But that’s not the case because their pro-life sentiments don’t extend to real, actual women. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">If they were willing to accept reality, they would recognize that you can drastically reduce the need for abortions through better sex education and increased access to contraceptives – things adamantly supported and furthered by the efforts of Planned Parenthood. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><br /><div class="MsoNormal">Just as eliminating chemotherapy won’t teach people not to get cancer, eliminating abortion won’t teach people how to prevent unwanted pregnancies or fetal anomalies or the risk of death associated with pregnancy. Unwanted and dangerous pregnancies happen, and we as a society have a moral obligation to preserve the lives of those women experiencing them. By all means, let’s reduce the occurrence of unwanted pregnancies, but let’s do it with education and empowerment and respect for women through access to care and contraceptives, not with coercion and fear-mongering and intolerance and hate.&nbsp;<o:p></o:p></div>http://desperateforsomething.blogspot.com/2013/06/matt-birk-and-scapegoating-of-planned.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Heather Rose )0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1045471885878880964.post-8865676451721879499Fri, 31 May 2013 15:23:00 +00002013-05-31T11:24:08.167-04:00things that make me happywedding stuffThe Big Day <div class="MsoNormal">So I did it. I survived The Big Day. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">Charming and I got married on Sunday, and I didn’t even fall on my face. Not even once. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">The weather was absolutely perfect, and despite a few minor hiccups, everything major went off exactly as planned. I (and a friend) spent hours making these cool scratch-off tickets to distribute the centerpieces, but they got set out wrong, so most tables had no winners and one table had at least 5 winners. Oh well, you’re all winners in my book… <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">Thank goodness I never have to do it again. &nbsp;<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">My bridesmaids and I got to the venue at 10am to start preparing for a 5pm ceremony, and somehow we still ended up short on time. I didn’t get to take all the pictures I wanted, but by that point, I was already pretty drained and not really concerned about it. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">Here’s one preview pic (unedited) I convinced our amazing photographer to send me: <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Squ5fvNETdg/UajAdSGG-bI/AAAAAAAAAeI/EBBDUsRaMPA/s1600/WeddingPic2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Squ5fvNETdg/UajAdSGG-bI/AAAAAAAAAeI/EBBDUsRaMPA/s320/WeddingPic2.jpg" width="212" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">I’m sure I’ll post more once we get the rest of them back. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">My whole life has been a series of moving from one stressful event to the next: high school, college, job seeking, grad school, buying a house, wedding planning … now that there’s nothing immediate looming, I’m not quite sure what to do with myself. Other than figure out what to do with all the gifts/wedding paraphernalia strewn about my house. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">We’ve got the honeymoon coming up in a couple weeks, which should be amazing, and then a trip to Hawaii a couple weeks after that for my work. And hopefully before summer is over, we’ll get started on our [professional] kitchen renovation. And maybe buy a car. Okay, turns out I can pretty much always find something to stress over… <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><br /><div class="MsoNormal">And no, I’m not having a baby just yet.&nbsp;<o:p></o:p></div>http://desperateforsomething.blogspot.com/2013/05/the-big-day.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Heather Rose )4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1045471885878880964.post-3043589521028875917Thu, 16 May 2013 16:48:00 +00002013-05-16T12:48:17.962-04:00i may be crazywedding stuffwhiningI'm still alive! Wedding stress hasn't totally destroyed me yet...<br /><div class="MsoNormal">So our wedding is in 10 days. This wedding that I didn’t really want to have in the first place because I was never that little girl who dreamed about her wedding day and I hate being the center of attention anyway – that wedding is about to happen, whether I’m ready or not. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">I’ve turned into a raging stress-monster over it. I don’t give a flying fuck if my tablescapes are Martha Stewart-esq, but I do care that we have chairs and food and alcohol and entertainment, and all that shit is a lot of work to coordinate, even if you’re not worried about the little details. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><s>Next time I’m hiring someone</s>. Fortunately I only have to do this once. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">Stupid Pinterest told me I should make craft projects. ‘Craft projects are cheaper!’ Pinterest said. Pinterest lies. Yesterday I went to Kinkos to print out my programs, and after hitting print on 90 color copies, I realized that somehow between the Word version and the PDF version, the two tiny Hebrew words had gotten transposed and were now spelled incorrectly. At least 4 or 5 people in my family can read Hebrew, so that was $53 down the drain. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">Then I printed out pages on special cardstock for a secret special project I’m doing, and printed just enough with one extra in case I messed something up. Naturally I messed up two. So Charming is being sent back to Kinkos today to make more copies of that. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">The cupcake tree stand currently looks like it got attacked by the 90s sponge-painting craze, and did you know one yard of ribbon can cost $6+?! Fortunately I only needed about 10 of those… No wonder people like to huff spray paint – after spending an hour in a damned Michaels trying to find the right shade of acrylic paint you need a little mental relief. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">Oh, and there was the fact that the original estimate for just the food/alcohol from the venue came back at a couple thousand over budget. And by that I mean what I’d budgeted for the ENTIRE WEDDING. The second attempt was a little better, but hopefully there’s still some more room to come down. Otherwise we may not be renovating our kitchen anytime soon. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">Ten days, right? Just ten days and this nonsense will be over…&nbsp;<o:p></o:p></div>http://desperateforsomething.blogspot.com/2013/05/im-still-alive-wedding-stress-hasnt.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Heather Rose )3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1045471885878880964.post-1223699848289294319Wed, 08 May 2013 20:28:00 +00002013-05-08T16:28:32.186-04:00speaking uptalking politics (sorry)wtf is wrong with people?The persecution of Christianity <br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;; font-size: 12.0pt;">A recent Facebook chain share starts off: “</span><span lang="EN" style="font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-fareast-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;;">This happened in TN. At a Tennessee Football Game---not a joke, Christianity is now the target of persecution... THIS IS AS GOOD AS IT GETS!”<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;"><span lang="EN" style="font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-fareast-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;;">It goes on to allegedly quote a high school principal, angered by the fact that you cannot use public schools to indoctrinate children with one particular religion: “Due to a recent ruling by the Supreme Court, I am told that saying a Prayer is a violation of Federal Case Law… If anyone uses this facility to honor GOD and ask HIM to Bless this event with safety and good sportsmanship, then Federal Case Law is violated… Apparently we are to be tolerant of everything and anyone, except GOD and HIS commandments…</span><span class="textexposedshow2"><span lang="EN" style="font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN;">Somehow, Kingston , Tennessee Remembered what so many have forgotten. We are given the Freedom OF Religion, not the Freedom FROM Religion Praise GOD that HIS remnant remains!</span></span><span lang="EN" style="font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-fareast-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;;">” [All errors sic] <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;"><span lang="EN" style="font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-fareast-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;;">Then it finishes with “Somehow, Kingston, Tennessee Remembered what so many have forgotten. We are given the Freedom OF Religion, not the Freedom FROM Religion Praise GOD that HIS remnant remains!” <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;"><span lang="EN" style="font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-fareast-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;;">Then I threw up a little in my mouth and had to stop myself from flinging my iphone across the room. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;"><span lang="EN" style="font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-fareast-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;;">The absolute bald-faced audacity in claiming that Christianity – the identified religion of 76% of Americans – is the “target of persecution” is mind-numbing. In which states, if you’re a Christian, can you not get married? In which states, just because you’re a Christian, do you earn 77 cents on the dollar to what men earn? In which states, if you’re a Christian, can your Scientologist boss deny you access to health care? In which states, if you’re a Christian and your pharmacist is not, can your pharmacist interfere with a decision between you and your doctor and refuse to give you medication, because it’s against their religious beliefs? In which states might your office be bombed because people don’t like that you’re a Christian? In which states are you racially profiled because you’re a Christian? At which airports/security checks are you detained/looked at with suspicion because you’re a Christian? In which states, if you’re raped, does the media immediately assume it’s your fault, because you’re a Christian (or you were wearing a cross)? <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;"><span lang="EN" style="font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-fareast-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;;">Your answer to all of these was “none,” therefor you are NOT persecuted, and to claim otherwise is an egregious affront to anyone who has ever faced any sort of discrimination or persecution, and further it’s a pernicious assault on basic common sense and logic.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;"><span lang="EN" style="font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-fareast-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;;">I don’t know what “recent ruling” by the Supreme Court is being referenced, but Abington Township v. Schempp in 1963 established the “secular purpose” and “primary effect” tests, and Lemon v. Kurtzman in 1971 established “excessive entanglement.” Essentially, if something funded by public taxpayer money is being done expressly for the purpose of advancing religion (like reciting a Christian prayer before a football game), it is a violation of the Establishment Clause of the US Constitution.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;"><br /></div><span lang="EN" style="font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">The Establishment Clause states that “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion </span><span lang="EN" style="font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;">or prohibiting the free exercise thereof</span><span lang="EN" style="font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">.” What the barely-literate author of the above-mentioned rant fails to recognize, is that you cannot guarantee free exercise to one religion, but not another. That’s where we get the idea of freedom FROM religion. Freedom of religion exists <b>because of</b> freedom from religion. My right to <b>not</b> live by the pieces you pick and choose from an oft-translated book is just as important as your right to do so. And because the government funds public school systems, the government cannot allow you to promote one religion over any other. If you want to teach your children nonsense, send them to church. That’s what it’s there for. But leave the rest of our children – the ones who still have the potential to become scientists and lawyers and critical thinkers – alone. &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;</span>http://desperateforsomething.blogspot.com/2013/05/the-persecution-of-christianity.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Heather Rose )7