A criminally-minded Gumby entered a San Diego convenience store on Labor Day waving his hands and demanding money and cigarettes. But he never could pull the gun out of his pocket and he left in a huff after dropping 27 cents on the ground. The store clerk thought it was a joke and pocketed the dropped change. Where’s

First it was hydrangeas that Madonna dissed; now it’s Lady Gaga’s “obsessions.”

While promoting her widely-panned movie W.E., the pop star refused to answer a reporter’s questionabout Lady Gaga’s admiration for her. “I have no comment on her obsessions related to me, because I do not know if it is based on something profound or superficial.” Can we all just agree that Madge has become a cranky old bitch and retire her to the home?

In one of the saddest tales ever reported, reputation-stained Monica Lewinsky is reportedly living like a near recluse while flitting from family home to family home. And here’s the cruelest joke: the National Enquirer reports she wants to start her own PR firm. ‘She’s alone most of the time and is pretty much a social pariah,” a source allegedly told the tab. “Monica still feels like she’s the punchline to a dirty joke.”

Chin up, Monica. As much as Bill’s become a national hero, his days are numbered and the scandal will be buried with him.