Paycheck Friday: Purchasing Suggestions For Your Perusal

It’s Friday! Maybe you just got paid. You could use that money for boring stuff like bills, rent, and food, or you could act like a wonderfully impulsive consumer and spend it on any number of products. Here are some ideas to get you started based on your taxable income bracket.

10% ($0 to $8,375)

Don’t get down on yourself. You’ll be back on your feet in no time! Until then, though, you’ve basically got two things going for you: the apartment you share with seven other people and booze. With the $8 KeyTool Bottle Opener, you’ll have everything you need on a single keychain. You can probably use it to open canned food, as well. Food is important.

15% ($8,375 to $34,000)

You’re finally making a livable wage and that a-hole Jimmy from accounting is already gunning for your job. What’d you ever do to him besides stealing his girlfriend, marrying her, and having two kids? Catch him in the act with this $42 Spy Camera Tie the next time he walks by your cubicle and threatens to “take you down like Alton Brown.” That makes no sense!

25% ($34,000 to $82,400)

The American Dream, starring you. House, car, 2.3 kids, and a dog. Poor dog, it has to eat food out of a bowl on the ground like an animal! As an important member of your family, why not let your dog join you at the dinner table with the $50 Pet High Chair? “How was your day, Julian? My, you’re looking handsome today! Want the last slice of pizza, Julian?”

28% ($82,400 to $171,850)

You’re moving and shaking in the cut-throat game known as Corporate Management. You need the best night’s sleep that money can buy! You’re normally an arm-sleeper but trying to initial important forms all day with a limp arm due to massive lack of circulation is no way to keep ahead of the competition. Luckily, you’re not averse to spending $100 on the Arm Sleeper’s Pillow. It’s a pillow… for arm-sleepers… that costs $100.

33% ($171,850 to $373,650)

How cruel that the $150 iCade iPad Arcade Cabinet was an April Fools’ prank. Know what’d be even more cruel? If you didn’t put an ad on Craigslist offering to pay top dollar to have a working model constructed just for you. All the neighborhood kids would be like “Let’s go to Old Man Crandall’s house and see if he’ll let us play with the iCade!” That’ll be you. Creepy Old Man Crandall with all the kids at his house.

35% ($373,650 and up)

It’s gotten to the point that you’re purposely seeking out ordinary products dipped in gold in an attempt to spend money more quickly than you make it. In that spirit, look no further than this 24-karat gold Xbox 360 from Computer Choppers. Yes, Computer Choppers. As in, pimp your ‘puter. Pricing starts at $4,999, so maybe buy two or three.