How to move on from an almost 9-year relationship?

Yes! The title is right. It was almost 9 years (8 years & 7 months to be exact). Yes, it was that long. And some would say, “sayang”. But things happened for a reason. It might take a longer time for you to know that you’re not for each other but the important thing is you don’t end up to someone that is not for you. Well, God has His own way to make things right and do the right things. Way better than what we can think and what we planned for.

Anyway, what happened has happened and there are things that we just need to accept, let go and move on. Stop the blame because each of you has its own flaw.

I am hesitant to write it here but I’ve got a lot of question about it since day 1. Like day after we broke up. So, I’m gonna share it as it might help others.

So, how did I move on?

Since day 1 until today which is a year and a month later, if we talked about exes, I usually got that question if I already moved on and how did I move on.

I tell you! Moving on is not an easy process. It is not something you can just sleep the night away and things will be okay & normal the next day. It is waaaaay harder, complicated and a looooong process. The process for each person is different from the other. As much as the pain and what had happened are unique from each other.

But how?

First step is always acceptance. If you read my previous blogpost and Facebook status, I always mentioned about acceptance. You can not move forward from something if you still keep on longing and hoping about it. You will keep on going back to where were you before the breakup happened. Those happy memories that you want to remember and the feeling of love that you want to hold on to. But you are over, and that is what you should face and accept.

However, accepting something that you don’t want in the first place is very difficult. Sometimes, it takes time and you should do it in your own pace.

But, what made me realize and helped to make it faster than the usual? I realized that what had happened is more than enough for us to let go of each other and move forward. And that I am already hurting myself which I don’t deserve at all. I don’t want to hurt myself. Not anymore.

I accepted that we were over. I accepted that things will be different and that I need to live each day without him. I did it before he arrived in my life and so I can do it now that he is gone.

Second thing is be open of what you feel to the people who love you. After we broke up, the first few people who knew about it were my friend, my officemate and my sister. As much as I want to keep it private and to myself, I can’t. I need to express what I felt before it will explode and ruin myself. And so I did. Until I shared to the rest of my family, friends, officemates and even random people who showed some care and concern. Well, there were also some people who just chatted me to ask and verify. I cannot lie. Not anymore so I answered them but not that detailed. My family, friends and officemates helped me a lot. With all the advices, time they spent to listen to me, bullies, jokes, food trip and night out.

Everything got lighter as days go by.

Third is find some diversion. You need to spend your time if possible, keep busy always so that you can stop thinking about him and the both of you. Do something you love, sleep if you want, eat somewhere, hang out with your family or friends, and have fun with yourself. For myself, the timing was so right because I was traveling almost every week plus there were many invitations of dinner or travel. I was really occupied that made me at least forgot what happened.

Fourth, know your self worth. In short, love yourself. The moment you will know what is your worth and learn to value it, you will start to have reference on how should someone treat you. And by then, you will start to love yourself. A love that you deserve. One of the positive things that I got from it was I knew my self worth. I know how should I be treated and what kind of guy/man should I have in the future. And more than that, I feel contented even if I am single because I get enough love from the people around me plus myself.

Fifth is be happy. Every time you are angry, lonely and miserable; you wasted a time of your life. And a time wasted will never be taken back. Before we broke up, I was a miserable and lonely person who cried silently and tried to smile even if I am not okay. When we broke up, I cannot feel anything. I did not even cry. But later on, I felt very angry. Until, I felt my heavy heart. Then I realized, it’s no longer okay. And so, I did everything to make myself happy. And today, I can be happy even if I am alone. Because it should be like that. We should not rely our happiness to someone. So that if they will be gone one day, you can still live a happy life. Also, learn to forgive. You cannot hate him forever because s/he has also done something wonderful in your life.

Sixth is be positive and be grateful. It might not be a good thing that happened. But look on a brighter side. What is the positive effect. And when you figured it out, be thankful that it happened and that things will be better. As what they say, “once a door closes, another door will open”. If not, the window will open of you. It ended because it is not for you and to give way to something better that will arrive. You can’t have two things in one time, that’s why you have to let one go. And don’t forget to be grateful always.

Seventh is stand up. Remember that there is a rainbow always after the rain. So you cannot just be weak and hurt for the rest of your life. You can cry and be sad. Yes! But should not be for a long time. Just enough to let the pain and anger be released. After that, stand up again and face the world with a better, wiser and stronger you.

Lastly, God is with us. I am not that super religious. I can even missed a mass. But, I really don’t know why God blessed me a lot. From the day that it happened to the heartbreaking day to the daily life from day 1 until today, he showed to me everything. And all I can do is thank Him. He surely does not leave us. We are never alone and will never be. Because God is with us, 24/7 and no day off. So talk to Him always.

Did I move one?

Honestly speaking, I cannot tell if I do 100 percent. But what I am sure of is that I am totally happy now. I have goals in life that I am excited to achieve. I stopped hating and being angry with them. I even greeted him during Christmas Day which I got mixed reactions. Some said it’s a wrong move because he might think I want to chase him. But I did that because I don’t want grudges though he might be so angry with me (which I don’t know). And for the spirit of Christmas. While others congratulated me because I’m being a brave girl.

I haven’t seen him yet after that but if it may happen, I know I can already smile and say hi. We might not be the “friend” thing but we can consider ourselves acquaintances with good memories shared together in the past.

It doesn’t matter to me if I totally moved on or not. What’s important to me now is that I am happy, contented and blessed. And one thing is for sure, we can no longer be together or be like we were before. Things did absolutely change.

Somebody even asked me, “do you still love him?” My answer is simple, “you cannot unlove someone. But the intensity of your love will be changed. It will lessen until you will just have a love for a friend.”

But how would you know if you moved on?

I don’t know. Haha. I haven’t tried before though.

Maybe, if you don’t feel anything about that person. If s/he doesn’t matter to you and you don’t care what s/he is up to. You are happy with yourself. You are living a life. You open your heart again to someone.

Whatever it is. If you have your heart broken, please fix it before being with someone. Don’t put the burden of fixing yourself to him or her. Enjoy being single. Do what you cannot do before. Glue all the broken pieces back. Prepare for what will happen. And when it happens, you know you are in a better position and whatever lessons you learned before will be of use now.

And now you know why I am single. 😜

Of course, aside from the fact that no one is interested in me, I am living a life now. But if you wanna treat me to some food trip, I’ll be glad. Though I can’t promise if I am free because my schedule is sometimes busy. As busy as someone who cannot sleep. Hahaha! 😀

Hope this post can help you in a little way. Remember, you are not alone. But every broken-heart has a different cause and different remedy. The process might be long or short but there will be no shortcut. You have to face and definitely, you are going to survive. You are brave! Don’t forget that. 😉

P.S. If you read my hugot and stuff like that, please be informed that it is not related to moving on. Haha! I just don’t know why I have many hugot. 🙈😁