When Robots become Standup Comedians

One day robots will replace not only cashiers in wholefoods but everyone, including standup comedians. And then, their jokes will be something like this:

“Yesterday a human came to me and told me ‘you stink’, I told him ‘Am I the one that poops?’

“I am fed up with all those humans that don’t know the square root of 2,345,549. I mean, I know we should help them but how about go to school? Ohh, I forgot, they go 16 years to school, every day, and still stuck in the square root of 49. The advanced even know the square root of 121″

“I dated a human girl for a few months. She fell in love with me and wanted to get married. I told her ‘with 16 CPUs why should I commit to someone with one CPU. What am I supposed to do when you have your 8 hours maintenance every night?’

“Yesterday I saw a dead cat on the road and started crying. A human came to me and told me ‘Get over it, it’s only a cat’. I told him ‘patience, I am still in the subroutine CRY no more than 30 seconds’

“A human asked me ‘Why didn’t they program you to have kids?’, I told him ‘Would you want something that is smarter than you and have better technology? I mean robots don’t start from a state of being dumb like your babies’

“I saved a human that had a heart attack. He said ‘You saved my life. What can I do for you?’ I told him ‘How about extra battery?’

“A human came to me and said ‘we are bored, you took all our jobs’. I told him ‘you are bored? Try being able to calculate how much is 2,245,378 multiplied by 6,754 in nano second but explain a first grader how much is 2+2 for one hour?”

“A human came to me and asked ‘Do you know what is to believe in God?’ . I asked him ‘What is believe?’

“A human came to me and said ‘At least we don’t crash like you’. I told him ‘At least we restart after 5 seconds. Do you restart after we dig your graves?’

“A human told me ‘I don’t like your new operating system, it is not user friendly’. I told him ‘At least you suffer until my next upgrade. I am stuck with you for 80 years’

Thank you for coming. Please don’t forget to get your free upgrade on the way out. I heard at last the humans listened to our requests and programmed us to say ‘Shut your mouth!’ when they annoy us. Please come to my next show ‘Humans, Do we still need them?’