- Looking for a Sponsor

I am a 23yr old woman and live in Alaska. I am the proud mama of a 6 week old baby boy and work as a waitress. I am also a participant in a local wellness court which requires me to attend classes at rehabilitation centers, meet with counselors, and attend AA meeting. With all of these things going on my time and ability to leave the house is limited. I have just over a year of sobriety and now i begin my search for a sponsor. I'm really looking for someone who is willing to work with me eventhough i don't always have a lot of time. Wondering if working with someone online would be a good idea? Or how i should approach someone locally? I am serious about this and want to start now i just have so many other obligations...

I would hope that you might be able to connect with one of the women in the A.A. meetings that you attend. That would probably be your best bet if it's a possibility. The reason that I say "hope that you might"... is that I understand that sometimes it just isn't an option in some places for some people... men or women. My sponsor lives about 1525 miles from me and we connect by telephone and email. I was sober about six years before he became my sponsor, and I had known him for most of the six years before I asked him.

I know that there are a lot of opinions and thoughts that differ greatly about long-distance and online sponsorship. So, my thoughts on it are uniquely my own.

I see no problem with having an online sponsor or a telephone sponsor.... "if" the sponsee is attending regular in-person A.A. meetings and staying well connected to A.A. as a whole... and, if the sponsee is serious enough about their own recovery that they are willing to follow direction.

Many years ago, if an alcoholic didn't get sober in a particular area -- there were no sponsors in their area. They had to read the Big Book and follow the directions in the book, as best as they could until they could find another alcoholic to help, which would become the foundation for a new A.A. Group. They had the book and could write snail-mail letters to New York, which often took several weeks to get a reply in the mail.

It worked then. And, it can still work that way now. The fact that sponsors are not available in some areas, or the fact that one person can't find another person that they think that can and will be able to help them... is no reason to not get sober, stay sober, apply the program of recovery, and get better.

Sometimes, anything is better than nothing... and sometimes... nothing is better than something! I think that's a rule that applies to most anything in life. Regardless if it's food, drinking, sponsors, jobs, relationships... or anything else in life.

And, regardless if your sponsor is someone that you can meet eye-to-eye with (preferable) or by long-distance communication -- most of the responsibility and commitment and effort will depend on you.

Again, I think that regardless of which way you decide to go -- stay physically involved in physical A.A. meetings and make as many good friends in the local fellowship that you can make.

Perhaps, if you ask around in the meetings, or ask one of the counselors, they can direct you to someone locally who can help you. And, if they can't... then just use all the help from the local people that you can get. It's important to have physical roots somewhere in A.A. if you expect to grow in your sobriety and your recovery.

I hope those ideas and suggestions help. It will be nice if the others in our online community here in the forum will share their experiences on this with you.

You might want to keep a check on your intentions and motives also -- even though intentions and motives can be wrong, they can also be good -- and have seemingly horrible results.

You'll want to be sure that you are not avoiding getting and being totally 100% honest with someone. Honesty is an essential. We may get away with cutting corners in our lives and taking short-cuts... for a while... but, sooner or later... it catches up to us and we have to pay for the ride. That's why it's a good idea to make honesty an important principle in your life.... mucho pronto... if you're an alcoholic that desires to recover. And, it's good to have at least one person in your life -- that you are willing to be totally honest with.

I also recommend finding a sponsor at your local meetings. There are questions that you must think about when it comes to a sponsor.
Do you know what a sponsor is suppose to do for you?
Do you Know what you are suppose to be doing with a sponsor?

Being a member of an on line group is helpful but it is not sponsorship.

For me finding a "spiritual adviser" is a roll of the dice. Just listening to other AA's in a meeting is not enough. I had to hang out with them to see if he/she were actually working the steps. How do I know, by reading the 1st 103 pages. A spiritual adviser does not necessarily have to have long term/ double digit sobriety. If I only have 1 week sober and have worked all the steps and continue to work 10 - 12, I have much practical advice to give. Not experience, strength, or hope.