'Stay Married for Life' devotional book offers advice to struggling spouses

Emily Zoladz | The Grand Rapids PressFrom left, Dan Seaborn, of Holland, Susan Lewis, of East Grand Rapids, and Peter Newhouse, of Grand Haven, are shown with their book, "Staying Married for Life," a couples' devotional published in July.

ZEELAND — As many married couples know, when life gets harried, the relationship easily can take a backseat to raising children, working to make ends meet and finding time to get everything done.

But it’s important to take the time to acknowledge and appreciate your spouse and work to keep the marriage strong, say Pastor Dan Seaborn, psychologist Peter Newhouse and writer Susan Lewis. The trio collaborated on the book “Stay Married for Life,” offering simple advice on working through the many challenges of staying committed until death do us part.

“Life’s busy and demanding,” said Newhouse, who has been married for 19 years and has three children. “I think (couples) lose track of the priority of marriage and keeping each other a high priority.”

So, the 90-page book of devotionals, recently published by Credo House Publishers, of Grand Rapids, offers one-minute reflections involving Scripture verses and questions to use as conversation starters.

The authors work together at Winning at Home, a 15-year-old nonprofit organization in Zeeland, founded by Seaborn. The organization provides counseling services, hosts special events and offers support for marriages and families.

Newhouse is director of the Winning at Home Family Wellness Center, and Lewis is a writer and editor. Seaborn and Newhouse also partnered on the book, “The Necessary Nine,” a marriage guide published in 2007. “Stay Married for Life” is the first in a planned series of four.

In creating the book, they drew from their experiences with marriage — good and bad. Topics include money, trust, respect, positive communication, sex, arguments, fidelity, cooperation and more.

Emphasizing the positive

Lewis said the goal is to emphasize the positives about marriage, the good side not always portrayed in sarcastic sitcoms.

“So often, you just hear the negative about marriage and you hear about who’s getting divorced, but really 50 percent of people are staying married. We just don’t publicize that as much,” Lewis said.

Newhouse said they hope to have an impact on keeping people together, helping them deal with everyday issues and having fun.

“This isn’t rocket science, and we don’t want it to be. We want it to be really simple,” he said.

The book was created to be easy to use: Couples can devote a moment or an hour to reflections. It’s a way to encourage people to look at their relationship and spend some time on the bigger issues.

“Every relationship has issues and struggles, so it’s just hopefully helping them look at some of that and deal with some of that versus just pushing it aside,” Newhouse said.

Seaborn, who has been married for 28 years and has four children, said couples need to make their marriage the best it can be, committing the same level of effort they did while dating.

“If you put marriage on a scale of one to 10, with 10 being the best ... a lot of people settle for a five, or six or seven. I’m just kind of refusing to do that. I think that means constant growth.”

Seaborn is the author of eight books and speaks at engagements, on the radio and on national television.

“It’s just simple and practical. One of the things we try to do at Winning at Home is just be pretty basic in giving advice to people.”

Lewis, who has been married for 12 years and has two children, said she offers a unique perspective.

“I’ve been divorced, and I don’t want to see anyone else go through the pain of that. I know what it’s like to live in a marriage where I didn’t have Christ at the center and so it’s really important for me,” she said.

Winning at Home also has launched the “Stay Married for Life” campaign, which includes a Facebook page, with the goal to get 1 million people to commit to staying together.