I hesitate because I fear I’m going to say some things that may offend some and anger others … perhaps. That’s my suspicion, anyway, because I regularly read all over the blogosphere the opposite of what I’m about to say here. Offense is not intended, but my take on the truth demands an airing. So here goes.

Given the title of this post, you have likely come here expecting to hear me tell you that you are good enough right now just the way you are. That seems to be the trend. But I can’t necessarily say that. Don’t get me wrong, you may very well be good enough, at least in some overall metaphysical sense. But some of you reading right now are decidedly not.

As I said, many blogs speak of everyone being good enough, right now, as is, no second coat of paint necessary, thank you very much! Some have even criticized personal improvement blogs in general as implying a lie: that we are not, in fact, good enough already. We are perfect, they claim, so no need for self-improvement because the design is already flawless.

But wait a minute. What does that mean? Some people right now, as you’re reading these words, are engaged in the act of cheating on their wives. Is that good enough? Some lie and steal, robbing their fellow hard-working neighbors of their hard-earned property. Is that good enough?

Indecency is not Good Enough … Ever!

Some people beat their kids. Others verbally abuse their wives, damaging their sense of self-worth. Some women humiliate their husbands in public. Still others sell heroine to children in back alleys. Good enough?

I’ve seen out-of-control drivers darting dangerously through traffic, tailgating, cutting people off, jeopardizing life and limb, even flipping off other drivers who dare honk at their selfish recklessness.

I don’t know about you, but I don’t think that’s good enough … at all. It’s not even tolerable! I want such people off the streets, away from those they choose to endanger, hurt, threaten or terrorize.

There are cops who abuse suspects, suspects who abuse the law, politicians who abuse power, doctors who abuse patients, CEOs who abuse the environment and child molesters who abuse children.

We simply can’t call such people good enough. They’re not. I want them to change, to transform, to stop abusing and hurting and robbing and selling and befouling and otherwise being very indecent people. And I want them to stop it now.

Of course, I have no direct control over any of that indecency. But I do have control over the words I use to describe such behavior.

To tell such people they’re good enough is to condone, even culturally enable, such indecent behavior.

Instead, let’s call a spade a spade, an apple an apple, and indecent people indecent.

I know what you may be thinking: “Such people are not likely reading self-improvement blogs and therefore are not the people being spoken of.”

Well, I bet we would all be surprised at the private lives of some of the readers of self-growth material. But let’s assume most are not. There’s still a problem with proclaiming everyone’s good-enough-ness.

How Good is Good Enough?

Human decency and good-enough-ness is on a continuum with uncertain ranges. Mother Teresa is on one end. Hitler is on the other. One is certainly good enough. But the other is at least as certainly not. Most of us are sprinkled somewhere in between, likely quite a ways away from either, huddled somewhere in the middle, hopefully a bit closer to Mother Teresa than Hitler.

So at what point along that continuum of human decency do we become good enough?

Truth is, I don’t know. Each of the extremes is a no-brainer. But where along that continuum away from the Hitlers of the world do you fade into the murky middle of good-enough-ness? Again, I’m just not sure. You see, I have no way of knowing. Most of those in the murky middle are good enough in some ways, but ought to reach a little higher and push a little harder in other areas of their lives.

A man who loves his kids but cheats on his taxes is good enough in one area, but not the other.

But here’s the larger issue: Some people’s not-good-enough-ness looms so indecently that it discolors the totality of the person even when other parts of their lives are otherwise indeed good enough. A man who gives millions away in charitable causes, for example, but makes his millions selling heroine or engaged in child prostitution is, on balance, not good enough at all.

Perfect Potential and Completeness in the Now

Some may argue that it is our perfect human potential that’s good enough, that we have everything we need, however dormant it may be in our lives right now. But that’s the whole point of personal development blogs and churches and psychotherapy, for that matter. It’s to help us reach that potential, to grow into it.

But many people are so far away from what that potential is, that to call them good enough is to rape the definition of “good” of all meaning.

Some may say that we are good enough here, in the now, as the only person we could possibly be, and therefore already complete as is. But that’s like saying an extension bridge that is only half completed is good enough for the very reasonable fact that it is all it can possibly be at that moment. But most would agree that, as a bridge, a half-completed one is very incomplete.

Good Enough = Done.

If I’m working on a project and get to the point where I stand back and say, “Alright. That’s good enough,” what I mean is, by definition, I’m done. The project is complete. I am finished working on it. There’s no more that needs to be done.

But I will never be finished with the project of my own life. There will never be the finality of a period at the end of the sentence of my growth.

Some part of me will always need tweaking and re-tweaking. I will always have character traits to work on, personality issues to reconcile, emotional idiosyncrasies to adjust, obstacles to climb, and relationships to improve and deepen. But that’s just life. That’s simply the way things are for all of us as we clumsily navigate the waters of living well.

The sculpture of my life will never be completed. And here’s the thing – I’m perfectly fine with that!

We can accept our not-good-enough-ness and still love ourselves, still accept ourselves, still cherish ourselves and enjoy being ourselves and be proud of ourselves without pretending we are more than we are, completed, finished, done.

You may wonder how readers who are depressed might be taking this. And that’s fair to wonder. Won’t they be harmed reading a post about not being good enough? I sincerely and even desperately hope not. Gladly no one is forced to read any of this and can simply stop reading once they sense this is going in a place that will hurt more. I hope that’s not what’s felt though.

Accept Your Murky Middleness in all its Glorious Imperfection!

You see, the problem isn’t the reality of our imperfection or not-good-enough-ness. The problem is in our perception that it matters that we’re not quite there yet. It isn’t that we aren’t perfect, it’s when we think we are inadequate and inferior for not being perfect or failing to fit comfortably into some self-imposed shape and form of good-enough-ness within some self-imposed time-line.

But it’s not the truth that is hurting us, it’s the perception that it means we are therefore worthless or undeserving or worse.

Ours is not to reshape reality to make people feel good about themselves. It is to encourage the reshaping of our perceptions to more closely fit reality.

It’s to help people accurately see reality and let go of self-imposed perceptions and definitions of inferiority or shame or self-disgust because of old scripts written by misguided parents (or whoever) and accept the reality of their condition: an incomplete work in progress, imperfect, flawed, not yet good enough, but improving and growing and loving themselves nonetheless.

That, it seems to me, is a healthier reality to accept.

Your Turn

But please share your thoughts in the comments and let me know if I’ve hit the nail on the head or hit my proverbial thumb instead. I’ll be fine with whatever your assessment is!

Have you subscribed? Hurry and subscribe now before it’s too late! Too late for what, you ask? I have no idea! All the more reason to hurry! 🙂

Please spread the word by Tweeting and/or Sharing on Facebook if you found value here.

I like that distinction, Wendy. I still have a hard time reconciling the spiritually good-enough-ness of Hitler with the good-enough-ness of the enlightened Buddha, Gandhi, Jesus, Mother Teresa, and the like. Is Hitler as spiritually good enough as Jesus? If so, what does that mean? What about one’s spiritual nature makes them good enough regardless of the pain and suffering and torture they unleashed on the world?

This is a tough issue and I really did hesitate before publishing it. But I think it’s an important topic to hash out and would love to hear from other perspectives to help fine tune (or completely change if warranted!) my own.

I mostly agree with you & Wendy and yet I go back & forth on this point. Most spiritual gurus tell us that everything is playing out perfectly. I want to believe that. I personally strive to keep learning & growing. And what if those people at the far end of your scale need some love & acceptance to see the light? I believe we need to be responsible for our lives. and a joyful heart attracts better experiences. So bottom line. I don’t know either.

Thanks for your courage to put out a risky post!Brad recently posted … Being Alive

Thanks for stopping by and commenting, Brad — especially on a post like this. I sensed the risk as I was writing it not knowing what kind of responses I might get, or if anyone would even bother responding.

For the average Joe (neither the Mother Teresas or Hitlers of the world) I suppose on some level, good enough may apply. But I personally still have a problem with that particular phrase for what it seems to me to imply to me, though. For everything else in life, good enough implies completed, finished. When we say to ourselves, this model we’re sculpting or this house we are building or this song we are composing or this book we are writing, is now good enough, we stop sculpting and building and composing and writing. It is. after all, good enough. I’m not sure that’s the right message.

I also have a hard time with the idea that everything is playing out perfectly in the universe. In the Middle East too? On Wall Street? In the garage with Uncle so-and-so who keeps raping his little niece? Gangs trafficking drugs, horrible people trafficking girls, dark alleys with dark hearts doing dark things just doesn’t speak a perfect unfolding of life to me.

I totally agree with you that a joyful heart attracts better experiences, but do I need to be told I’m good enough to be joyful? I have to say no. I’m a-okay not being good enough. I am a flawed human being working my way through life, stumbling and skinning my moral knees from time to time, but working at building more courage, more compassion, more love, more kindness, more perseverance, more determination, more forgiveness, more gratitude, more decency in me every day. And like I’ve said, I’m just okay with that. My incompleteness doesn’t hurt me. And I don’t think it needs to hurt others either. We can learn to accept being incomplete and liking who we are along the way, it seems to me.

I fully agree that “it” is good enough that we are learning and growing step by step, even inch by inch. But does that mean that “I” am good enough at a point along my progression where I don’t lie and steal, but get easily angered and lose control from time to time and shove my wife or cuss out my kids or get in fights in the grocery store (for example only! :))? Is that where I’m “supposed” to be in the universe? Or in the eyes of God? Or with my wife, kids or neighbors at the store?

Well, this is close to turning into another post in itself.

Please let me know what you think of my reply. I know it’s a tough one. The good-enough doctrine is very compelling. I almost want to accept it. It just doesn’t sit comfortably with me at this time.

In the meantime, thanks again for the comment. Welcome to M2bH. And have an imperfect, yet joyful day! 🙂

I think a lot of people use the “I’m human” or “this is just the way I am” card. By all means, this is 100% true. On the other hand, I ask, so what are you going to do about it? I have to ask myself this question frequently to remind myself that I am in control and I don’t have to be a slave to my procrastination, idleness, and my quick to anger disposition. These are all “human” qualities, which indeed make me human. But the most beautiful thing about being human is that we can master these weaknesses. I forgot who said this–to master oneself is the greatest accomplish that can ever be achieved in this life. (I totally butchered it, but you know what I mean).

I actually already apply the “not good enough” way of thinking into my life. However–I do it very unhealthily. It depresses me and I I often feel like I’m, well, just not good enough. This mindset it very damaging. HOWEVER. What you are saying is to recognize your flaws and do something about it, but to not destroy yourself along the way when you are sincerely putting your all into the process of making a change for the better.

I don’t find this post offensive at all, I think people (even me at times!) will take any faint suggestion of criticism too personally, when really, this is just a post to remind us that we should always strive to move forward and progress. We must protect our souls by always being on the lookout for bad qualities and when we spot them, it is our responsibility to get them out! We can’t settle with our indecencies, no matter how big or small. If you’re going to clean a car, make it shine, don’t ignore the little mud stains that nobody can see, get rid of those too! Our human souls are the greatest blessing we could ever have, so we must protect them by be ridding of the toxic qualities that disrupt the purity of them. Thanks for the post!

Thank you so much, BWJ! I truly appreciate your thoughtful comment (they are actually always very thoughtful and appreciated!:))

This idea that I’m suggesting is a difficult one for many — actually, for me as well! It almost seems uncompassionate. I don’t want people (you either!) walking around thinking they’re not good enough in some self-condemning, critical, I don’t-like-who-I-am sort of way. I would rather people accept the I’m-good-enough-as-is doctrine than that.

But I just don’t think we have to accept one or the other (I’m good enough or I can;t stand myself because I’m not good enough). We can learn to accept our imperfection and still accept ourselves and honor ourselves for the direction we are moving in, however sketchy pr slow or even inconsistent that movement is. I think the direction we are generally moving in, as a matter of fact, is much more important than where exactly along the road of life we are at any given moment.

Like I’ve said, it just strikes me as healthier and even more mature (no offense to those who disagree!:)) to accept that we are not whole while working at filling in the un-wholeness, while loving who we are so far. There’s no inconsistency here. I have weaknesses. I work on them.

But here’s the key: I like me as I am today even though I know I have weaknesses. I don’t like the weaknesses, but I don’t define myself by them. If I looked in the mirror and saw only my flaws, perhaps I wouldn’t feel the way I do about myself. But I really do genuinely like who I am. AND I don’t like my flaws. I think that’s the key to happiness: to recognize the areas of needed growth, to work on one or two of those areas as we grow and learn and improve, and to see ourselves as total selves, not just the moral wrinkles, warts and blemishes.

I hope this makes sense. And I again deeply appreciate your always-thoughtful responses to my posts. You improve the quality of what I write.

Hi Ken,
Great post. I am new to your site but I can see that I am going to like it here. Ah the old “good enough” debate. Good enough in a project is a choice and can be acceptable…it is a statement that is made when you have made a choice to end the project.

But, good enough in life seems limiting to me. Life’s journey should have no limits. Once we create limits within which we confine our life, we become stagnant. We lose vitality. We start to wither. Good enough in life is like planting a tree in a flower pot…the tree can only grow to the limits of what the pot will allow the roots to stretch. It’s just good enough. When you plant the tree in the fertile soil of a forest or field, you allow that tree to spread it’s roots and it’s branches to live life fully. Good enough shouldn’t be a descriptive that defines our life. Possibility and potential are words that allow us to grow and to learn to love our life adventure, and thus ourselves.

Ken, you write beautifully and thoughtfully. I am glad that I found/met you over at Life, For Instance! I look forward to reading more of your posts!
ClaudiaClaudia recently posted … To-Do Today…Ta-Da Tomorrow

And what a way to initiate your first visit here! I love what you said and how you said it (maybe you should have written the post!).

This was just brilliant: “Good enough in life is like planting a tree in a flower pot…” Wow! What perfect symbolism! You summed up in a sentence what took me a whole article to try to say! I couldn’t agree more with everything you said. Thank you so much for saying it.

And thank you so much for your kind words as well. They mean a lot to me.

My take on being good enough, is when The Lord calls us home and says we are done. Then the job is done. Until then we have to always work to improve who and what we are.

Everyone has a mission in life and it is up to us to find that mission (with a little help from above) and complete it. We are given commandments and human laws to guide us on our mission in life and these help to let us know if we are good enough for that day.

Life is to be lived one day at a time, and when the day is done, the question is, “Did we live that day the best we could?”

As for the people that break the laws of man or God, they better hope for a new day, because they didn’t live that day good enough.

I do not like how they are teaching children in playing sport and other things. It isn’t a matter of how good they played or didn’t play, they are told it was good enough, so no ones feeling are hurt. This will hold the children back from being the best they can be.

To sum it up we always have to try everyday to be good enough and then we will be the best we can be and like ourselves and be proud because we did try to be the best we can be and that is good enough for any given day.
Sorry I go a little carried away. LOL
Blessing to you Ken,
DebbieDebbie recently posted … How to Embrace Rejection, 6 Tips to Help You Heal

This was an awesome comment! No need to apologize for sharing so much wonderful insight!

I think you hit on a critical distinction, perhaps more important than any I made in my article!

“Life is to be lived one day at a time, and when the day is done, the question is, ‘Did we live that day the best we could?’” Maybe a better way to look at it is not so much from the lens of the whole of one’s life, but through the lens of our daily effort at living well. Each day can be lived up tot he level of “good enough” after all.

I’m totally with you on you other two main point:

1. The job is not done until we are called home. Until then, we have a mission to both discover and fulfill. And God is at the helm.

2. Schools are undermining the long term happiness of children as they try to hermetically seal off all painful experiences. They don’t learn to deal well with disappointment or rejection or failure. They become hypersensitive to it and are crushed by it in the future.

We seem to be kindred spirits here, Debbie! Thanks for such an important addition to the conversation!

I was intrigued by your post. It clearly sparked some thoughtful comments. I think maybe we’re all saying sort of the same thing from different angles. At our deepest level we are not only perfect, we are all one being. At least that’s what I believe. At our human level, we behave in all sorts of ways. A Course in Miracles says that everything we do or think or say is either an expression of love (when we are connected to the divine), or a call for love (when we mistakenly perceive ourselves as separate). This is a helpful way for me to think about things.Galen Pearl recently posted … Common Senses

Yes, you’re right, the comments certainly have been thoughtful! But frankly, I assumed I would get some stronger disagreements.

I have a more traditional belief system, so have a hard time putting my mind around the idea that we are all one being. But as far as at our deepest level being perfect, I’m not sure I understand what that means. Would it be too much to ask for a brief explanation?

I’ve read Eckhart Tolle, so have some vague understanding of what you might mean by it. But I still have a hard time reconciling Hitler and Jesus as being equally perfect at the root. What could it possibly mean to say Hitler is perfect at his core or at some deepest level? I’m a history major and have read some 15 or more books on the Holocaust and just have a hard time with that notion. I would love to better understand the concept if you have a minute or so to spare. 🙂

PS: I’ve been working on the post about writing on and off for a while now and it’s just about finished. I’ll email you when it’s published here. It’s been an interesting article to write. I haven’t really thought about how I write, so breaking it down was sort of entertaining for me. It made me more aware of my own process, some of which I was very conscious of, but some of which I wasn’t. So thanks for the encouragement and inspiration to explore my writing in more detail!

Ken, I look forward to your post about writing, and yes, please email me. I read your blog regularly, but I want to be extra sure not to miss it.

About all this oneness business, I am sure that many others could articulate a theory much more eloquently than I. However, in my own limited way, I would explain it this way. I think we all have some sort of quality or essence that is universal. Call it energy, call it Christ spirit, call it Buddha nature, call it cosmic consciousness, I don’t know. The greeting “namaste” has been translated as “I honor that place in you where, if you are in that place in you and I am in that place in me, there is only one of us.” Like the water in the deep ocean with individual waves on top, all life shares this essence, this oneness.

I think the Tao Te Ching says it best. “The Tao that can be told is not the eternal Tao. The name that can be named is not the eternal name. The nameless is the beginning of heaven and earth. The named is the mother of ten thousand things.”

I think in our “normal” lives, we live in the world of ten thousand things. Good and bad, old and young, up and down, black and white, us and them. I think in our perfect selves (or self!), we live in the nameless beginning. No them, only us. Only I. Only …..

The Bible says that now we see through a glass darkly. I believe that there is a perfection that we can’t see or understand (at least I can’t), but that it is there nonetheless. And that in that perfection, even Hitler and Jesus are brothers.

That’s about the best I can do with the limits of language, and the limits of my own understanding.

I guess this is the closest I’ve ever come to some kind of statement of faith! Hmmm.Galen Pearl recently posted … Common Senses

Leave a response

A Walk Through HappinessGet my FREE eBook and monthly newsletter by subscribing below!

Email Address*

First Name

Your email will NEVER be shared with anyone

About Me

My name is Ken Wert, the founder of M2bH. My purpose here is to teach you how to live a richer life of greater purpose and meaning, of mind-blowing possibility and deeper, more soul-satisfying happiness than you ever dreamt was possible. Join us on this happy adventure as you learn how to unlock your hidden potential to enjoy the rewards of a life well lived. Read more ...