A State of Embarrassing Confusion.

Month: November 2015

I’ve gotten to that age, where everyone around me is in a (seemingly) happy relationship. I have spent the whole day re-watching earlier seasons on Hell’s Kitchen. Priorities.

Don’t get me wrong, I would like to be in a relationship. Sure, who doesn’t want that validation that their lovable? And normally, I’m okay with being single: I do what I want, I go where I please and when I cook, there’s more food for me.

But every now and again, theres this feeling that creeps in. One of loneliness and worry. Am I unloveable? Usually I just prefer not to open that door and find something productive to do – to get my mind off that. However, this is not one of those times – hence the 2 am post on a Friday night.

My friend just got engaged. Yes, I’m happy, why wouldn’t I be? They are a loving couple and I’ve known them since the beginning. Besides, it’s not about me, it’s about them. Only, this is the 3rd engagement this year from my friends.

My first friend, was engaged this Summer. She knew it was happening and when it did, I was happy for her. Then a month later, another friend got engaged. She’s an awesome person, I’m definitely happy for her. Now this friend. Again, still happy, just…hmmm…what about me?!?!

Now granted, I don’t want to be engaged. I don’t know if I ever want to get married. But I want to be on the path heading somewhere along those lines. Hell, I’ll settle for a callback for a second date. I digress.

The fall season, the holidays…all times where people are snuggled up with their significant other doesn’t help either. I’ll resign to the fact that at least I know what a Beef Wellington is and there’s always alcohol this time of year – readily available.