First hand experience....it's hard. Physically, emotionally and mentally. Chemo treatment times can vary depending on how many are getting treatment that day and how the patient reacts to the chemo. Afterwards the patient is often sick and weak. Needs help with basic care. Some patients can get really depressed or angry. Radiation treatment is brutal too.

Chemo is not an all day thing. It's often first thing in the morning and takes a couple hours, then the patient needs to be transported home and rest. The following days are when care is needed most. Meals made, watch for infections and complications, etc. The patient is often extremely fatigued and can't complete basic household chores either. Honestly I don't think anyone undergoing cancer treatments should be living alone. That's not to say it's never happened though, and I'm sure there are paid or other services FIL (father-in-law) could utilize. In between treatments, the patient is at greater risk of complications during a certain period and then can mostly resume normal activities.

Having said that, you really need to back up and let DH (dear husband) decide what he wants to do here. The threat of death does different things to people. If your DH (dear husband) will regret not caring for him, and he's able to do so without impacting his job, then you need to let him. You nor your children have to be involved or around him. But the resentment your DH (dear husband) may build towards you if you convince him not to help may be irreparable. I understand he's done awful things. But it's his dad. Maybe you could compromise that DH (dear husband) can check on him once a day in person the day of and every day for a week after chemo, then by phone between treatments. You could also pay for or contribute towards a maid spending a couple hours every few weeks cleaning. You also may be able to easily make a little extra of your usual meals and take them every few days so he has some options if he can't cook.

Depends on a lot. What kind of chemo? What kind of cancer ? It can all be different. My dad has stage 3 cancer right now and I don’t live near him. After he had surgery he had a home health nurse come help him with certain things at home. He can drive now but his chemo is at home. So it can vary person to person. My dad just started chemo last week but so far is able to care for himself.

Chemo is not an all day thing. It's often first thing in the morning and ...

Posted
02/15/2019

Chemo is not an all day thing. It's often first thing in the morning and takes a couple hours, then the patient needs to be transported home and rest. The following days are when care is needed most. Meals made, watch for infections and complications, etc. The patient is often extremely fatigued and can't complete basic household chores either. Honestly I don't think anyone undergoing cancer treatments should be living alone. That's not to say it's never happened though, and I'm sure there are paid or other services FIL could utilize. In between treatments, the patient is at greater risk of complications during a certain period and then can mostly resume normal activities.

Having said that, you really need to back up and let DH decide what he wants to do here. The threat of death does different things to people. If your DH will regret not caring for him, and he's able to do so without impacting his job, then you need to let him. You nor your children have to be involved or around him. But the resentment your DH may build towards you if you convince him not to help may be irreparable. I understand he's done awful things. But it's his dad. Maybe you could compromise that DH can check on him once a day in person the day of and every day for a week after chemo, then by phone between treatments. You could also pay for or contribute towards a maid spending a couple hours every few weeks cleaning. You also may be able to easily make a little extra of your usual meals and take them every few days so he has some options if he can't cook.

Depends on the chemo. My dad does 4 pills in the morning and 4 pills a night at home every day for 2 weeks, then one week off, then repeat.

The VA hospital in Houston had a bus that went back and forth but I drove my dad because DH (dear husband) works downtown. He had prostate and the radiation was not bad for him. It's very focused and the actual appointment was under two hours. It will vary depending on what type of cancer he has. His benefits may pay for a nurse or in home health care. Talk to a social worker.

It depends on the chemo etc. My sisters first round of chemo was an all day thing. Bloodwork first every time and one of the meds in her cocktail they needed to administer slowly because of a high reaction rate.

After that one is was faster but still about 5 hours from gettinf there to leaving.

After depends on the person and type of treatment. The first few weeks much not be as bad but later on they may need more help.

Like PP (previous poster) posted i would look into whats available in the area.

So let me take a second to tell you that if u and ur hubby don't feel like you can support him through this without hard feelings getting in the way then the best option is to direct him the way he needs to go to seek help... This is a daunting task for most and with the disconnection is makes it that much harder... He needs to find what works for him... He will get the help he needs so don't feel it's on you all to figure it out...

If I were in ur shoes I would spend more time directing him in the avenues to get help opposed to taking this on yourselves... Help is available but it's not always handed to a patient so this will help more then you think...

Take a deep breath and gather ur thoughts and plan of action but in my eyes it's his turn to step up to the plate and except the help you are offering him.

This won't be easy but if it were my father that has ALWAYS been there physically but never emotionally this is the route I feel the safest taking.

It's sad that it has to be this way but eventually they need to pay for not being there for there kids... Kids can't be expected to unroot their lives for a parental finally deciding they actually need that kid they were only a sperm donor too...

Maybe this is me knowing that the time for me to make this same decision is coming close and I'm hoping you can find the strength that I'm affraid I might not have.

That being said... My step grandfather that has been there above and beyond that is now 85 I'm taking care of and I feel he deserves everything I can give him... My schedule gets changed daily and I deal with a lot of frustration but to me this man deserves it in so many ways...

I have a feeling with when it's my father's time to need me I can't commit to the compassion and time emotionally and physically that he needs that I'd rather steer him in the right direction...

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