(quote) Marge-938695 said: The only reason I can think of for "insisting" on "near family (mine) would be in the case of a person who is caretaker or guardian for an elderly or handicapped loved one who cannot move.Otherwise, I think it's a foolish question. How can I decide I'm willing to relocate near your family when I don't even know you yet?

Marge, woman of all "common sense", EXACTLY!! I have 4 kids, all in their early 20's. Of course I would LIKE to be near them but God may have a different plan. The one that "bugs" me is the single 20 somethings (no children yet) who reply with "near family (mine)". Geez, get out and see the world!! To clarify, I don't browse 20 somethings for a "match", but sometimes they will post something in the forums that is interesting and I browse their profile to see where they are "coming from". It is similar to the "how many children" question. We may desire a certain number but ultimately God is the one that decides how many children we will bear (if any).I feel as though the questions set people up for disappointment. They clearly are not set up to help people realize that God is in charge, not man/woman. We really need to look to the saints, including the twelve apostles, as to how we conduct our lives. If the twelve apostles said, "near family" the gospel would never have been spread to the world. I still see it as "selfish" and can't get over the visual image of a 2.5 year old saying "MINE".

There is a certain family-oriented denomination in my part of the country that not only recommends but PROVIDES for couples to relocate to the other side of the country when they first marry. Their reasoning is that when a couple first marries they should "go it alone, together" and develop a bond, separate from their families of origin. I think this is AWESOME!! Many times the couple will move back after 4 or 5 years but many times they will stay in their new "home".

In my own experience it would have done myself and my former spouse a HUGE service to move away from "family". Whenever we lived near his parents he turned into a child, completely helpless and irresponsible. Whenever we lived in a different state than his parents he took charge and was responsible.

If the reason someone needs to stay in a particular location is to care for an aging parent that CANNOT be moved, then I understand the situation. If the reason someone needs to stay in a particular location is because it would be financially irresponsible to move (loss of job with no chance of employment in the new location), that is understandable as well, BUT CM members are answering "MINE" without even knowing the wonderful possibilities that lie beyond the borders of their minds.

(quote) Joan-529855 said: IS it just me or does anyone else think it is rather selfish to respond "near family (mine)" under the RELOCATING section of the profile? It reminds me of children when they are about 2.5 years old and their favorite suddenly becomes "MINE" (in addition to "no"). It appears to me if you respond with "near family (mine)" you are functioning at the emotional level of a 2.5 year old. Just sayin'.

But there is the problem of the "fast" profile. Perhaps the member didn't read the rest of the options available for that question and missed one that might have answered it a little better.

There may also be an issue of trying to maintain a network of stable familial relationships for children traumatized by divorce or an absent parent.

Or there might be a special familial relationship or need that they want to maintain/fill. I see this as a possibility more for young women than young men. ("I'm in college now, but I need/intend to move back to my hometown when I finish my degree.")

There is also the software development process. Perhaps that option was added to the list before it was fully considered. Or maybe one person out of a 1,000 has a unique situation that called for a special label.

All of which is to say, I imagine there might be some valid and/or non-selfish reasons.

(quote) Joan-529855 said: IS it just me or does anyone else think it is rather selfish to respond "near family (mine)" under the RELOCATING section of the profile? It reminds me of children when they are about 2.5 years old and their favorite suddenly becomes "MINE" (in addition to "no"). It appears to me if you respond with "near family (mine)" you are functioning at the emotional level of a 2.5 year old. Just sayin'.

I do have to agree with you on this one. I do know that sometimes people are unable to move due to visitation of kids due to an annulment or maybe they are helping take care of their parents. Also with the job situation the way it is maybe they are scared to leave their comfort zone.

I have "either" family listed, but I like to maintain at least a good 30-60 minute drive boundary between me and family. I think it might be okay to list that, but as someone said, it might limit you from meeting a truly wonderful someone who doesn't read an explanation that may follow in the body of the rest of the profile. Mine's pretty clear that it's because of my co-parenting arrangement. Once someone realizes that, hopefully they will understand and make a decision to pursue or exit appropriately.

But Jim, your situation is different from what we're discussing, I think. Your reasons make sense, because they involve your profession and your finances.I think what some of us object to is the situation where someone is still tied to mom's apron strings and/or unwilling to try anything new.