Blair's firstborn is Shirley Porter's gerrymandering accomplice

London - (AssoCIAted Mess): The epic saga of the Thatcher era homes-for-votes fiasco took a sinister turn today as the latest Euro-Septic Tory glory-boy David Cameron emerged as the number one police suspect in Dame Shirley Porter's disastrous gerrymandering scandal following the discovery of a sensational cover-up naming Tony Blair as his natural father.

Nearly twenty years after grocery heiress Shirley Porter scammed thousands of hapless Westminster Council tenants into giving up their key marginal ward homes for relocation into asbestos-ridden rotten boroughs so that Tory-voting houseowner wannabees could cash in on the fledgeling property boom of the 1980s, her covert accomplice has come out of the woodworm-infested woodwork in a revelatory mini-manifesto luring today's council tenants to vote for him by promising to turn their former rent payments into bona fide mortgage arrears.

The ingenious plan forsees handing over house ownership to the new homeowners and then bankrupting them for failure to keep up bank loans secured on the properties.

This would then free up a huge swathe of empty but marketable homes which could be knocked out at market rates to new Tory-voting wannabees who have fallen hook line and stinker for the Cameron spin-machine that has been peddled so hard by the notorious Astor family into which he has cast his own hook via marriage.

The move comes amid this week's sensational UK headlines that Shirley Porter has returned to London ater a twleve year fine avoidance absence in Israel, after claiming she could not cough up the £42million penalty imposed on her for her gerrymandering conviction.

An official Conservative Party spokesman admitted this week that Porter, 71, is being touted as the party's next Mayor of London and would be challenging shamelsss leftie Ken Livingstone for the City Hall mantle after being backed by an offshore trust set up by former KGB stooge and Chelsea Football Club owner Roman Abramovich.

However, this may come as unexpected good news to officers of the Metropolitan Police's Serious and Organised Crime Agency as well as their Total Fraud Directorate who have been hinting for several months now that their number one sting operation is in place in an act of final retalliation for the Tories' scandalous Brinks Matt gold bullion heist of 1983.

Scotland Yard insiders are said to be supremely confident that the well-publicised Westminster Council gerrymandering saga of the 1980s is the mere tip of a Thatcherite iceberg that has led them to uncover the biggest satanic cult responsible for organised crime since George Bush Senior was let off the hook by the CIA for his attempted 1976 overthrow of the British government and the installation of the Queen Mother doppelganger lookalike who was his mother.

General Pinochet is 91.

Make queen mudder's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

More fake news stories

The former corpse and monarch is set to involve himself in the 21st Century by joining various social media.
The king was resurrected by royalist necromancers in 2012 but has maintained a low profile since his return to life.
Richard III was ki...

London- Britney Spears traveled to Britain to address the House of Commons to complain about the structure of the British government.
Spears complains that England is not a true democracy but a false democracy.
"After reading excerpt from Aris...

The Dalai Lama may be a man of few possessions™, but he's hoping to get the better of Anglican Archbishop Justin Welby in a very material manner; while also sticking up for the faithful (at least, the right kind of faithful, anyway).
Attendi...

A group of juvenile terrorists have attacked Denmark's most popular tourist attraction apart from the mermaid, Legoland. They targeted the World Trade Center replica building made of multi-coloured plastic blocks, threw stones at the Eifel Tower and...

Spain - A huge orange cloud of toxic crap has erupted from a chemical plant at Igualada in Spain's notoriously brain-dead region of Catatonia.
Firefighters described the fumes as a heady cocktail of nitric acid, ferric chloride and the orange foo...

A group of Dorking pensioners' bus trip to the south of France suffered a mishap yesterday when a satnav error led the driver to deliver the elderly tourists to a euthanasia clinic in Switzerland. Sadly all seventeen of the passengers were slaughtere...

The Hague, Netherlands - Human frights lawyer Amal Clooney has been cut down to size by Stonkerz magazine after being dubbed 'Princess Pancake' on account of her flat 30A-cup tits.
The Pancake Day award comes with a year's supply of brassiere cup...

Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh speaking at the opening of a new Greek themed hypermarket, caused much amusement yesterday, when he pulled out what appeared to be a crumpled script from his pocket and read out the following list, apparently not real...