Is it a sex blog? A mommy blog? A bitch & moan blog? Um, . . . yeah. This is my place to be totally honest. In my real life, I feel like I'm always lying to somebody about something. Here, I am totally honest. Brutally so. However, no matter what bad things I say about my kids, I adore them and would never ever really, say, sell them on Ebay. The husband, often referred to as Spousehole, is another story. Oh yeah - if you are under 18 (or if you are my husband), please leave now.

Monday, December 31, 2007

You know, I'm not exactly sure. No, I wasn't THAT drunk. It's just that I don't recall for sure if December 31 2006 to January 1 2007 was spent at my house or my parents. After a while, all the B-O-R-I-N-G NYEs with Spousehole blend together. The closest we ever go to going out on NYE is maybe going to dinner. There's a high-priced Japanese place we went several years in row while my parents watched the child(ren), then returned to my parents' house and played games or something. I think we were at my parents' last year, because I think that was when we taught my nephew to play Uno.2) What was your status by Valentine’s Day?

Unhappily married, but still faithful. And Spousehole got me a gift!3) How did you earn your money?

Money? What's that?

4) Did you have to go to the hospital?

Not for me, but Girl was in the ER for a fall from a shopping cart onto the concrete floor at Meijer (she was fine). Boy was in the hospital in September because he was dehydrated from barfing for weeks on end.5) Did you have any encounters with the police?

Yes.

Oh, did you want an explanation?

Nothing major, actually. My neighbor's house was broken into (they took his good bicycle - he doesn't drive, his digital camera with pictures from 5 weeks in France this summer that he never downloaded, and his good -$2800- guitar. They left his other guitars and bicycles that weren't worth as much. I still suspect friends of his college-age daughter) and we talked with the cops about that. Then we called the cops when a guy was lurking around the same neighbor's house and then claimed to Spousehole that the neighbor hired him to trim the bushes. At 9:30 at night. (The neighbor didn't hire anyone.) Then last month a guy with a crowbar was on our front porch, seemingly trying to decide whether to break the window or a pane on the door to get in. Spousehole called the police after very loudly announcing that he was calling the police. The guy took off running down the street and around the corner. So we had to deal with the police for that.

Plus Spousehole programs the computers and dispatch system for the police and fire departments in our city, so he deals with cops all the time.

6) Where did you go on holiday/travel?

You mean like a vacation? Hahahahahahahaha. That's a good one. LOL

No damn where, really. We went to Boyne Mountain in January for a weekend with a group from church. Spent some time at the cottage up north. Camped one weekend. Went to Metro Detroit a couple times to see Spousehole's family. That was pretty much it. Oh and Spousehole and I went to Six Flags Great America in September.7) What did you purchase that was over $1000?

Nothing I can think of. We acquired a vehicle, but we didn't pay anything for it (my dad gave it to us).

8) Did you know anybody who got married?

Yes, but no one to whom I was close. I attended a few weddings.

10) Know anyone that passed away?

Yes, but no one with whom I was close.

11) Did you move anywhere?

I wish.12) What concerts/shows did you go to?

None that I recall.13) Are you registered to vote?

Yes and I exercised my right and duty to vote in three local elections.14) Where do you live now?

In a white house with green shutters, a full front porch with rocking chairs, fenced-in backyard, full basement, 3 bedrooms, 1.5 bathrooms, an eat-in kitchen, a formal dining room, a living room, and a walk-up attic. What? That isn't specific enough for you?15) Describe your birthday:

I turned 40 this year. That actual day wasn't terribly exciting. Spousehole took me and the kids to Olive Garden for dinner (not my first choice, but it was very good). Spousehole did not get me a gift or a card. He didn't even say Happy Birthday. We did go to Six Flags Great America the following weekend, courtesy of his parents. And my family did nice things for me. But Spousehole didn't even hang around while I opened gifts because something on Sci-Fi was just far more interesting than his wife.

But I'm not bitter, no, not at all.

Oh yeah, and my sister-in-law became my new best friend when she gave me a red leather Coach backpack purse. Suh-weet!!

16) What’s one thing you thought you wouldn’t do but did in 2007?

Cheat on my husband.

17) What has been your favorite moment/s?

Cheating on my husband.

No, not really. My little boy starting kindergarten and actually being able to handle regular ed kindergarten when his special ed preschool teachers didn't think that was going to be possible.

My little girl learning to speak better and being a good sharer with kids who are not her brother.

18) What’s something you learned about yourself?

I am not worthless and good-for-nothing no matter how much Spousehole tries to convince me otherwise. I am also not as revoltingly ugly as Spousehole says.19) Any new additions to your family?

No. The kids are still lobbying for a dog, but that won't happen in 2007.20) What was your best month?

Maybe June. No one was sick that month.

21) What music will you remember 2007 by?

Daughtry. First they released "It's Not Over" as I was trying to fight for my marriage, then they released "Over You" as I decided to get over Spousehole. I'm not there yet, but getting there.22) Who has been your best drinking buddy?

Jose Cuervo

23) Made new friends?

Yes, for which I will be forever thankful.

24) Favorite night out?

Out? What is this "out" of which you speak?

Edit: I just re-read my answers and this is depressing! Sheez. It really wasn't all that bad. It could have been much, much worse. I am grateful for what I do have, but you don't really get that from what is written above. I do, I really, truly do, thank God for how fortunate I am overall.

My marriage crumbling until there is almost nothing left, the joys of my children's achievements, meeting some new people who have become very special to me, and the realization that 40 isn't quite as horrible as I thought it would be.

Saturday, December 29, 2007

It's been a very long week. Spousehole had vacation up the wazoo to use up before the end of the year (vacation runs by calendar year in his company, although their fiscal year/benefit year runs July to June; go figure). Anyway, he took this whole week off, so I've been with him near constantly. OMG - I'm desperately looking forward to his return to work on Monday. Of course, he'll just be home again on Tuesday, but oh well.

The kids are majorly geeked up after all the hoopla of fake Christmas and real Christmas. They love all their gifts (the only clothes they got were pajamas with their favorite characters) and want to play with them CONSTANTLY. And we've watched Polar Express umpteen times. The Boy starts it over as soon as it hits the credits. He can do every line of dialogue. If we're not watching it, he's drawing pictures from it or acting it out with his toy trains. Unfortunately the hoopla doesn't really end for a while in our household. Both kids were born in January, so we've got birthdays to deal with for the next month too.

My kids and I are at my parents' house, that's why I'm able to be here online at all. Spousehole is at home cleaning. Theoretically. That was his excuse for sending us away. In actuality, he's probably playing computer games. He played Half Life for 8 hours straight yesterday. He also Bogarted my internet connection to do it. See, he took the network cable from between his computer and the router and stored it at work. The idea was that he would not be able to abuse his internet usage without having to go get the cable. It hasn't exactly worked that way, of course. Now when he wants to use the 'net, he just takes the cable that goes from the modem to the router and unplugs it from the router and into his computer. Therefore he has a direct connection to the modem and those of us connected to the router (wired or wireless) are screwed out of internet connection while he's connected. Asshole. Plus I can't spend much time online when I'm dealing with both kids alone and I am effectively alone when he spends that much time in the basement on his gaming machine (the kids aren't allowed in the basement because he does stained glass down there which involves sharp glass and lead cam).

Are y'all doing something fun for New Year's Eve? We're not, of course. Spousehole seems to abhor fun these days. If anyone wants to paint the town with me Monday night, give me a holla, 'k?

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

We all survived real Christmas as well. Spousehole planted himself in a recliner at my parents' house and didn't move most of the day. He watched DVDs and assorted television programs all freakin' day. I think he talked to the cat more than any humans (he was in the cat's chair, so the cat just sat on him).

My in-laws got me the Cuisinart electric fondue pot I've been coveting. (Shut UP! It's fun.) My parents got me the digital instant-read kitchen thermometer I've been needing (my old one died a horrible grill-related death). Spousehole even gave me gifts, including one I actually asked for (a bottle of good balsamic vinegar - the good stuff is expensive). The kids gave me some fabulous undies that I absolutely adore (i.e., I bought them for myself and had the kids give them to me).

Today, December 26, is Boxing Day. No, it has nothing to do with pugilism or boxing up all the gifts or the trash. Well, sort of the trash. It was explained thusly to my in-laws when they moved to England way back when: Boxing Day began in English upper class households. On the day after Christmas, the leftovers of the feast would be boxed up and given to the servants to take home to their families for their own celebration (which naturally occurred after that of the upper class families, as the servants had to serve on Christmas Day.) There are other explanations as well. Choose whatever explanation makes you happy. Now it mainly a day for sales in England and the rest of the Commonwealth. Mostly in America we call it "After Christmas Sale" day or "Gift Return Day." I did return a gift today. My MIL got me some pants for Christmas that were very nice except that they were 2 to 3 sizes too big. Apparently I look even fatter than I am. Wonderful.

I also spent my day in a rather unusual manner. We had a leaky pipe under the kitchen sink. Okay, more than leaky - streaming water from the drainpipe. Spousehole looked at it, poked at it, and stuck his finger right through the soft pipe. The joys of an old house. I looked at it, told him what needed to be replaced (he was headed for his "how to fix stuff" books for assistance), and continued on preparing food.

A short bit later, he claimed we did not have a big enough tool to grip the slip joint nut to remove the drain pipe. He made me call my dad to see if he had a bigger one. My dad said he left his largest water pump pliers here last time we had plumbing issues and he couldn't imagine it wasn't big enough. Spousehole said it wasn't big enough and my dad suggested we try our neighbors.

Spousehole went down to the basement to play video games. He had declared that I would just not be able to use the kitchen sink until he could borrow the right tool to fix it. I could still get water from the sink in the bathroom off the kitchen, but my dishwasher drains to that pipe so I would be unable to use the dishwasher. And the bathroom sink is too small to wash dishes. I decided to take a look at the pipe situation. I don't know what Spousehole was trying to do, but I got the water pump pliers on there just fine, loosened the nut, and removed the "rusted from the inside out" drain tube. Spousehole was dumbfounded and to this moment still does not understand how I got it off.

I ran to the hardware store, got the parts I needed, had the "helpful hardware man" cut the pipe to the length I needed, and installed the whole shebang. It works perfectly, of course.

We all have our talents and strengths. Spousehole's is computers, not plumbing.

Sunday, December 23, 2007

Spousehole and I survived fake Christmas with his family. We arrived home this afternoon with a mommyvan full of gifts. In fact, so many gifts that we couldn't fit the kids in! We left the kids with Grandma and Grandpa and will get them back tomorrow. The grandparents are returning to their winter home in Florida on Thursday, so they wanted a little more time with the little people.

The kids had a blast, mostly. I say mostly because there was a vomiting incident with the Boy and the Girl and her 3-year-old cousin were horribly traumatized at having to be separated when cousin went home to Metro Detroit with her parents. We practically had to have them surgically separated. They adore and hate one another - with no in-between. It's a very emotionally volatile relationship. They get along great, until one touches the other's toy, then there's a "MINE!!!!" battle. Cousin is only 2 months older than Girl, but outweighs her by 12-15 pounds, so things can get a little hairy when they fight. Girl does a pretty good job holding her own, despite the weight difference. I hate to see them fight, but am kind of proud of how well Girl defends herself. I am such a hypocrite.

Spousehole and I fought in front of everyone, so maybe that will help them understand when we finally tell them we are separating. IDK. I did have a "this is so hard" (sob!) moment when Spousehole and I were alone. He held me and said it was going to be okay. Not sure what that meant, exactly, but it was nice in the moment. Between rum balls and SoCo and Diet Coke, I stayed pretty well toasted most of the time. I even ate rum balls for breakfast this morning. Spousehole's sister kept saying things like "I don't know how you put up with him" and "I still can't believe my brother got someone to marry him" and it was a struggle to tell her that I'm not putting up with him much longer. I will actually miss some of Spousehole's family. Oh well.

We did some last-minute shopping. Toys 'R Us wasn't bad at all, the mall wasn't too bad either. But the fact that the national weather service was telling people to just stay home due to the ice, snow, and wind probably helped that. We went to a movie at the cheap movies ($3.50 all shows, except I have a discount card from a radio station that gets us $1.00 off, so we only pay $5.00 for both of us to see a movie!) and saw American Gangster. It was very good. Russell Crowe was scruffily gorgeous and Denzel was hot as ever. Oh, and the acting was good too. Josh Brolin really should get a Supporting Actor nod for his portrayal of a sleazy cop. He just oozed slime.

I'll probably be back on here tomorrow, bitching and moaning about something. I may even blog on Christmas Day. If I need to withdraw from the family drama at my mom's house, I often retreat to her office (and mailing center - it is packed with boxes, packing material, photography stuff, and scales, etc. because my parents are antique dealers and sell a ton and a half on Ebay). I log onto her 'puter and surf away my troubles - lol. There's a baby gate on the door to the office to keep children and pets out, so I get a break from everybody.

Friday, December 21, 2007

It's fake Christmas Eve for my family today, as we are celebrating Christmas with Spousehole's family tomorrow. When Boy gets home from school (around 4:30 - full day today!), we'll drive up to my in-laws' "lake house." My brother-in-law will be there with his wife and 3-year-old daughter. Tomorrow morning will be fake Christmas morning, with stockings and gifts from Santa for everyone. We'll exchange gifts and hang out. Spousehole's other two sibs will join us in the afternoon. They want to wait to do Santa stuff and stockings with their parents on the real Christmas.

The kids will love it. Me, not so much. It will be hard knowing that this is likely the last Christmas we'll spend all together, fake or otherwise. It will be difficult to not tell everyone, but we don't want to spoil the holiday. When we do finally tell them, my FIL will probably give us a major lecture on how we are not only disappointing him but God as well. That we made a promise to God and by divorcing we are reneging on that promise. Blah, blah, blah. He thinks if he yells and lectures enough, people will do what he wants. (See where Spousehole gets it?)

So anyway, if you don't hear from me for a couple days, it is because I am up north drinking heavily spending quality time with Spousehole's family.

In other news, Girl got a "big girl" bed (mattress, box-spring, and frame) from her grandparents for Christmas. We set it up on Wednesday and she has slept the last two nights in it. She is very, very excited. She keeps saying "It so big!" (It's a twin-size, but that is ginormous for someone only 25 pounds - and it's almost as high as she is tall.) It is pretty huge compared to her toddler bed. Her Daddy has slept in it with her, but we hope to phase out that part very soon. Similarly, I have been laying down with Boy in his bed until he falls asleep, then moving to my own bed. So far, he has been staying in his bed by himself and not following me to my room. So far, so good. "Operation Kids Sleeping In Their Own Beds" takes a giant step forward!!

Need a last minute snack to take to a gathering or give as a gift? This is easy and SO YUMMY:

You take, waffle-weave/checkboard/square pretzels, like these:Spread some out on a cookie sheet lined with parchment paper. Place one Hershey's Hug, unwrapped(!), on each pretzel. Place cookie sheet with Hug-topped pretzel in preheated 170 degree (F) oven for 3-4 minutes, until the Hugs are softened, but not totally melted.

Remove from oven and immediately place one red or green m&m on top of each hug, pressing down just slightly. Place cookie sheet in refrigerator or freezer for a few minutes to re-solidify the Hugs.You have a sweet and salty treat that everyone will love!! So simple, the kids can even press the m&ms into the Hugs (170 degrees isn't too terribly hot).

You can make them with Kisses too. Just increase the time in the oven to 5-6 minutes. Don't try to do Hugs and Kisses on the same cookie sheet, because they melt at vastly different rates!! I prefer to make these with Hugs because the stripes make it look way too cool. Solid chocolate works but doesn't look as cool.

_______God is a sadistic bastard - who knew?Edit: I have a fingernail that is torn halfway down the nail bed and catches on everything. It hurts like you would not believe. When I caught it on something earlier, tearing it a little more and causing more bleeding, I said "Jesus, Joseph, and Mary Mother of God that hurts!" Spousehole had a fit. He told me I was going straight to hell. His words were "When you die, God will have no questions for you, you are just going to straight to hell." This piqued my curiousity. I asked why God would have questions for me, because he knows everything I've ever done and everything I have ever thought. He knows it all, what's to ask? The explanation surprised me. Apparently, in Spousehole's version of death, God basically uses the Socratic method to draw out of you the justification for your own salvation or damnation. Essentially, you damn yourself to hell. I thought that this didn't really gibe with freely given Grace preached in our particular Protestant denomination, but Spousehole didn't seem to think so. Okey dokey. God is a Socratic-method sadist who tricks us into damning ourselves to hell. Who knew?

Thursday, December 20, 2007

If you came here for half-nekkidness, I'm sorry to disappoint. If it is titillation you seek, try my story from yesterday ;-)This week's HNT theme is to virtually gift three people from the bloggy world. Here are my three:

For The Girl with Secrets, Hermione's Time-Turner from Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. With this gift, she can give herself more hours in the day to tend to her demanding work, her beautiful family, and her many and varied "social engagements" of which I am terribly jealous. And maybe have time to blog about them all as well!

For Vixen, this thong, because I saw it and it was just too perfect for her:For Zoely, this book to plan for the ultimate celebration, hopefully sooner rather than later!

Why do we get half-nekkid give virtual gifts? Want to join the fun? See Os at

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

This is fiction, drawn, as is all my fiction, from a combination of imagination and experience. This is has been floating in my brain for a while and just needed to be released.

As I stand before him, he tells me in a gently confident voice to undress. It isn't a request. It isn't a barked command either; just a simple direction I am nonetheless compelled to obey. I remove my clothes one piece at a time. This is so different than the usual tearing at one another's clothes to which I am accustomed. I feel much more naked, raw, this way. On display.

He looks me all over, his eyes touching me as surely as if they were fingers, drawing goosebumps wherever they go. The cold hotel room air doesn't help. I would not be doing this if I did not trust him, but this level of exposure leaves me feeling a bit helpless, at his mercy. Through my nervousness, I feel myself dampening in anticipation of his touch.

But he does not touch me. Not yet. He directs me to lay back on the king-size bed, upon which he has already turned down the bed covers. “Show me” is his hushed command as he lowers himself into the chair he has placed at the edge of the bed.

I open my legs. He draws breath in sharply as one manicured finger disappears into the clean-shaved folds, palm resting on the tuft of hair that remains above. While the hidden finger of my right hand circles my enclosed hard nub, a finger of my left hand dips into the flowing moisture below. I use this moisture to lubricate my nipples and stroke and pinch them, the right hand never wavering from its task lower down. I can't look at him while I do this, so my eyes are closed, my head back against the downy pillow. It turns me on more than I expected, demonstrating this most personal undertaking without him joining me.

After a time, my pleasure building, I've nearly forgotten he is there. As I approach the edge, my back arched, hips thrusting, he says “Stop.” I whimper my displeasure, but do as I am told. At some point he has removed his clothing, save the boxer briefs struggling to restrain the volume within. He reaches into the ice bucket and removes one cube. I anticipate the cold on my skin, but am caught off guard when he inserts it in my already dripping vagina. I stiffen at the chilling invasion, but relax when the cold is matched by his warm tongue on my swollen clit. He inserts a couple more ice cubes, then slips a lube-covered thumb in my ass. The cold ice, hot tongue, and thrusting thumb provide an intensity of sensation I've never before experienced. Within minutes my legs begin quivering, then stiffen as the orgasm courses through my entire body.

“That's my girl . . . God, I love how your ass clenches my thumb when you cum, baby.” My labored breathing prevents a verbal reply, so I just tear at his briefs, eager to claim their contents. I want him in my mouth, but he denies me with a smile. “I want your ass today, sweetheart.” I start to roll over onto my stomach, but he again stops me, “No, I want to look into your eyes.”

Laying on my back, he places a pillow under my hips and I pull my legs up. As he kisses me, I feel the tip of his cock pressing gently against my ass. “Harder,” I moan into his ear and he obliges. Entering my ass slowly, but firmly, a lusty, guttural moan escapes his lips. I love how this angle gives me the dual pleasure of fullness in my ass and still allows his cock to hit all the right places in my vagina through the thin membrane separating them. We look deeply into one another's eyes as we move together in this intimate dance of pleasure. I wrap my legs around his waist, holding him as though I will never let go.

“I want you to cum again, babe. Will this help?” he asks, handing me a small, but powerful vibrator. “Yes,” I reply, kissing him deeply. We move closer to the edge of the bed, repositioning the pillow, and he re-enters my ass while standing so he can see our joining and watch the vibrator work its magic. In this we have morphed from lovemaking to fucking and it is just what I need.

His hard thrusting in my ass, our bodies slamming together, and the unrelenting stimulation of the vibrator combine to bring me very close to orgasm. He pinches my nipples in a way that would be excruciatingly painful were I not so incredibly aroused. My legs quiver and my brain starts turning to mush. I look at his lust-filled face and he says the words that push me beyond the brink “I love fucking you, baby.” I gasp as the contractions overtake me, the pleasure so intense I can't breathe. I can feel my muscles gripping and undulating around his cock and this is apparently too much for him as well. He nearly screams as he fills me with his pent-up orgasm, his cock pulsing repeatedly until he is spent.

He collapses on top of me as we both try to catch our breath. After a minute or so he kisses me tenderly. “I don't want this night to ever end, baby, he says, brushing my hair from my eyes. “Me neither,” I reply.

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

No, not even close. And we're having Christmas with the in-laws on Saturday, so I need to shake off this damn bronchitis and get my ass in gear!

2. What is your favorite sexual position?

It's so difficult to pick just one! Me laid back and being orally serviced is particular favorite, but if I have to pick a favorite intercourse position, I would have to say either doggy-style, because it hits all the right places, if you know what I mean, or facing each other with my legs over his shoulders. You get nice deep penetration with that one plus the advantage of being able to look into one another's eyes and kiss occasionally.

3. On a scale of 1-10, how open are you to trying new sexual things?

10+++++

4. What present are you hoping to get this year?

A Wii, but I know it won't happen. Amazing sex, but I don't think that will happen either. These would be nice too:

Edit: Forget the cuffs and tethers!! I want this:

Click picture to order and email me for my address to which to send it - or deliver it in person - LOL

5. With your current partner (or your last partner) how often was the sex better than just good?

Husband - quite often the first couple years.

Bonus (as in optional):Can a relationship that you are part of survive on sex alone? Could it survive a prolonged period of abstinence?

It depends on the relationship. A marriage - no, a marriage cannot last on sex alone. An extramarital relationship - sure, no problem.

My marriage has NOT survived a long period of abstinence, so NO (for me). But I know people who are deeply in love and happy and almost never have sex, so it IS possible, but not for me.

It's TMI Tuesday! Click the "I kiss and tell" icon to come play with us!!

Monday, December 17, 2007

Sorry I haven't been here for a couple days. I've got a wicked cold that has settled into a lovely case of bronchitis. I get bronchitis every winter, but this is kind of early. Technically, it isn't even winter yet, although the 8" of snow in my yard makes that hard to believe.

My in-laws took Girl this afternoon for a few days. I still have Boy, but he's in school during the day so I have a little time to myself. If I weren't sick, I would probably be all over one (or two) of the local-ish online friends I've made lately. But I'm sick, so that won't happen. If nothing else, I'm sure my breath is atrocious. Oh well. You know you are really sick when you aren't even horny.

This weekend will be Christmas at my in-laws' house. My husband's brother and sister-in-law will be there with their 3-yr-old daughter. The girls go insane when they are together. We'll pretend Saturday morning is Christmas morning. That should be fun. This is the first year the girls will really "get" what is going on Christmas morning. As a result of his autism, Boy never really enjoyed Christmas morning in the past. He was completely indifferent to receiving gifts. Last year he finally "got it" and went a little nuts opening all his gifts. Almost everything was related to Thomas the Tank Engine, so he was one happy little guy. This year's obsession is drawing and painting, so he'll be getting lots of art supplies.

My husband's other two siblings will come Saturday afternoon. They don't want to have fake Christmas morning with us because they want to wait until the actual Christmas Day to open gifts with their parents (they aren't married and don't have kids). We will be with my family Christmas Day and niece and her parents will be with SIL's family, so that's why we do Christmas early. My in-laws gripe that both married sons spend Thanksgiving and Christmas with their wives' families, but that's what they get for having boys! SIL's parents and mine are much older than Spousehole's parents, so they'll get us every holiday when our parents are gone. Whiners.

Saturday, December 15, 2007

This morning I was up before everyone else, showered, had breakfast. Nothing unusual. Fed the kids when they got up. Spousehole took a shower and got dressed. I bathed the kids and got them dressed in casual play clothes. I just had on jeans and a polo. Spousehole, however, was dressed a little nicer. Jeans, yes, but a button-down shirt and a sweater. Decent shoes, not sneakers. I thought he seemed dressed a little nicer than usual for a casual Saturday, but whatever.

As he re-dressed the Girl (she strips, a lot; I have no idea where she gets that), he said "When I'm done here we'll go." I wondered where it was we were going, but didn't ask. We often go out somewhere on Saturday morning. Also we had discussed yesterday going to a local gourmet/import store and to Penzey's for some foodie gifts for Christmas. Boy had also been saying "Go see [cousin's name]." So I just figured we were going to the stores or my sister's or something. I figured I could roll with whatever. I'm spontaneous like that sometimes. :-)

We get in the car and start driving in a direction that will not take us to the interstates (yes plural) less than 1/2 mile north of our house. Any of the expected destinations would require taking an interstate. Okay. I can deal with whatever. No big.

A few minutes later we are approaching downtown, about to pass our church. He slows, then turns on the little side street that really doesn't go anywhere except our church and an apartment building. I am confused. Did I forget something we signed up for at church? I finally said "Hey hon, where are we going?" "Church?" he answered in a "duh" voice. "On Saturday?" I replied in the same tone.

To his credit, Spousehole laughed at himself as hard as I did. All morning he apparently thought it was Sunday. We laughed for several minutes. Then he said "You know, I wondered why Car Talk was on on Sunday." He added "I feel so stupid." "Oh, it's no big deal. These things happen to everyone once in a . . . " "I've never heard of this happening to anyone," he interrupted. "Once in a lifetime?," I finished. More giggling.

A little funny snippet of our life. There are still light moments.

(We got our foodie gifts and went back home. Didn't go to see nephew and sister because there's a "winter storm warning" and while we will drive through anything, my parents worry like crazy. So we're not going to their town just to keep them happy.)

Spousehole and I shopped all afternoon and went out to dinner with the kids tonight. Everything was okay. Then in the car on the way home we were listening to Marketplace on NPR when Spousehole suddenly snapped the radio off. After about 30 seconds I said "Did it matter that I was listening to that?" He replied that he "couldn't listen to stories of other people's prosperity anymore." Never mind that that totally wasn't the point of the story . . . he went off on a rant about how he hates being "poor" blah blah blah. It really pissed me off. I lost it. We are not poor. We own a nice house, in a decent neighborhood, we have very little debt (mortgage and one car payment), we have two reliable cars and a motorcycle, a catamaran (I hate that damn boat though . . . ), food on the table, and enough money to pay our utilities and go out to eat like we did last night and so on. We put the max possible in his 401k every year, although we don't save enough otherwise.

I pointed out that this difference in how we view things is the main point of contention in our marriage. I try to see the good (we are warm, well-fed, healthy, etc.) and all he sees is what we don't have. He said I need to take my blinders off, live in the real world. He said he won't stick his head in the sand and ignore our problems. I tried to explain that seeing the positive doesn't mean ignoring problems or not working to make our lives even better, but it does mean not discounting all the good in our life and not dwelling on what we don't have. It's a matter of attitude. I've spent enough of my life battling depression, focusing only on the bad and not the good. I refuse to live like that. He doesn't get it. Not at all. His reply: "The sooner we separate, the better."

Agreed, asshole, agreed.

After we arrived home, I went by myself to Target to return something (my nephew already has one of the things we bought him for Christmas - darn it!). I still didn't want to come back home to that doofus, so I went to Barnes & Noble, got something to drink from Starbucks (whether I'm entitled to it or not), and read for 3 hours. I feel better, but I am more resolved than ever to make the separation happen sooner rather than later. Wish me luck.

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

I don't know about this one. For one thing, it's letters and numbers pretending to be a word. Substituting numbers for letters in a word to create a difficult to break password that you can remember makes loads of sense. For example, app13533d = appleseed. Outside that context, I don't see the point. But I'm not an online gamer, so I suppose it isn't meant for me anyway.

But "w00t" just doesn't strike the same chord as last year's word "Truthiness." Now that was a word. Some of this year's runners-up would have been better, in my opinion. "Blamestorm" (a meeting in which mistakes are aired, fingers are pointed and much discomfort is had by all) is a cool word. Even facebook as a verb.

The results are in! 39 people responded to the period sex poll. Of those,

4 (10%) responded that neither they nor their partner has a period, so it's was a moot point for them.

14 (35%) responded that they do not have sex during their or their partner's period.

21 (53%) responded that do indeed have sex during their or their partner's period.

It would be interesting to break down the "do nots" by which partner is uncomfortable with period sex, the man, the woman, or both. One person explained in a comment that it is her partner who freaks out at the very thought of it. But always remember: no one should feel pressured to do anything they are not comfortable with; if period sex is too squicky for one partner, so be it. We all have our preferences and this is just one of them.

That said: It's no big deal, really. It's just a little blood and uterine tissue and perfectly natural. Just another bodily fluid among many being exchanged in any sexual encounter. Think about it - is menstrual fluid really any more gross than seminal fluid? Sure, you feel (or your woman feels) bloated and ugly and crabby and crampy, but period sex can help with all that! You feel attractive when someone wants you, right? Exercise helps with bloating and cramps. Orgasms ease cramps. Sex puts you in a good mood. What's not to like here, people?

In my personal experience, I don't like the mess, but sometimes you're just too horny not to just go ahead. But there are ways to reduce the mess. Leaving a tampon in until immediately before penetration works for some people. Just remember that you may need a little lube to get started in this situation, even if you don't normally use it - tampons are drying. And put down a dark towel to protect the sheets (or carpet or upholstery or whatever). Missionary and it's variations are probably best, lest gravity enhance the natural flow. Taking a shower together after to clean up can be just as fun and loving as cuddling.

Some people just have stand up sex in the shower to minimize clean-up. You get to be in the shower and don't have to worry about the mess - what's not to like?

As for oral sex, even I'm a little squeamish about that, but some people swear by leaving a tampon in and letting their guy go on down. If he's cool with it I suppose I would be, but I have never tried this myself. There's always something new to try . . .

As always, USE PROTECTION, because you CAN get pregnant on your period and because you are at more risk of passing/receiving an STD during your period if you or your partner are infected.

One more thing, guys: remember that a woman's breasts can be very tender during her period. Proceed with caution with her breasts until you find out what's comfortable for her during this time and what isn't. It may be very different from her preferences the other three weeks of the month.

Would I have period sex as the first time with someone new? No. There's enough uncertainty with someone new that you needn't add this complication. For me, period sex is something you do with someone with whom you are in a relationship and can be comfortable laughing through the gross moments.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

It's TMI Tuesday! Click the "I kiss and tell" icon to come play with us!!

1. Are you an early shopper or a late shopper?

Usually early, but this year late. Very, very late.

2. What is your favorite cartoon (current or passed)?

Bugs Bunny, of course!

3. On a scale of 1-10, how competent are you on home repair projects?

I'd give myself a 7. I lived alone for many years and had to learn to do a lot of things myself. I'm pretty handy. I've rewired light fixtures, installed a new vinyl floor in a bathroom, installed a new toilet, installed new works in a toilet tank, fixed leaky toilets, fixed leaky faucets, designed and installed a whole work-around system when the shower faucet got broken and we couldn't yet afford to replace it, installed new window glass, installed new thermostats (first thing I do when I move into a new place - install an automatic thermostat), fixed the humidifier on the furnace, fixed the washer, redirected the drainage when I moved my washer to another part of the basement, fixed the dishwasher, created a drainage system for the dehumidifier, patched holes in drywall, patched holes and cracks in lath & plaster, installed new light switches, wired a doorbell, and on and on. I can even do a lot of electronics-related stuff, but I don't because Spousehole is even better at it.

4. What is your favorite holiday tradition?

Baking cookies and making candies.

5. Describe your favorite kiss? Do you give it or receive it?Receive - when my kids kiss me without me having to ask first. That's the best kiss in the whole world.

Bonus (as in optional):What is the best holiday gift you have ever gotten? Best you've given?The best Christmas gift I ever received was probably my Easy-Bake Oven. That was pretty cool. The best I given sounds dumb, but it got the best reaction ever. Christmas 2004 we gave my mom a sweatshirt with three angels and the names of her grandchildren, Nephew, Boy, and Girl. Since Girl was not due for another 7 weeks (actually born one month after Christmas, 3 weeks early), it was a surprise for Mom to learn her name. Mom bawled her eyes out when she saw the sweatshirt and then cried even harder after she asked what Girl's middle name would be and learned it was my maternal grandmother's name. The gift itself wasn't really the point, but it was the catalyst for a nice moment. (My mother doesn't express emotion very often or very well, so this was big.)

Monday, December 10, 2007

I could have gone a couple ways with this week's theme. There was the religious angle and the sexual angle. You can guess which way I went. I even threw in a not-so-mute monday story in the post below.

He had responded to my call same as always. He was in the suite, waiting for me, with my drink in his hand and only his boxer briefs on. The red ones. He had undressed me slowly, folding each of my garments lovingly, as always, leaving the thigh-high stockings on. My living sex toy spent extra time on my feet, he always loved my feet. He had licked and teased me through a couple average orgasms, following my every direction without complaint, when I finally agreed that he could remove the briefs and get the attention to his cock that he so desperately wanted.

He entered me slowly, kissing me all the while and sighing into my mouth as he moved slowly in and out. After a time his pace quickened and my own pleasure built. I bit down on his shoulder, but he pulled away. "No marks. She'll have a fit if she sees anything - you know that!" he hissed. "You will not talk to me like that and I will mark my property as I see fit," I replied before biting down hard into his shoulder. His eyes glazed over as they always did when I reprimanded him harshly and he returned to his thrusting with even more vigor, seemingly lost in subspace.

Then it happened -the moment I never expected. He stopped and pulled out. "No, not today sweetheart," he snapped. He roughly flipped me over onto my stomach, pulling my hips into the air. "Today is my turn." He dipped his fingers into my sopping wetness and drew them up to my ass, thoroughly wetting my puckered rosebud. "What are you --" my question trailed off as his intent became clear. He began pressing his cock against me. As I steeled myself for this most intimate invasion, I found my head swirling. He was taking me!

The pain was searing as he pushed himself into me without regard for my comfort or even consent. I was too stunned to say or even think anything, but soon realized my hips were matching his, stroke for stroke, as he pumped in and out, reaching around to massage my swollen, aching clit simultaneously. All I could hear was my blood rushing through my ears as the pleasure trumped any and all pain. His breathing became more ragged, as did mine. The combination of his cock in my ass and his fingers on my clit became too much as wave after wave pulsed through my exhausted body. He bent over me, biting hard into my shoulder as his climax followed on the heels of mine. He sneered into my ear "Who is whose fucktoy now?"

We collapsed onto the mattress, his body on top of mine, his weight almost preventing me from breathing. My mind still whirling, trying to grasp what just happened. And coming to terms with the fact that I liked it. A lot.

I never though he had it in him. He would still have to be punished for such insubordination. But it could wait.

Friday, December 7, 2007

Two radio stations in my market have been playing Christmas music 24/7 for almost four $!^@!#(%^& weeks now. I cringe every time I accidentally press those presets on my car radio (that's right - I listen the RADIO. No satellite radio. The Girl put something in the CD player, so broadcast radio it is!). That's a full 16.6% of my FM presents dedicated to Christmas music.

So that got me to thinking . . .

What are your favorite and most hated Christmas songs? Religious, secular, whatever. What do you love and what do you hate?

Silent Night is my favorite one to sing at church on Christmas Eve. It's just a beautiful song.

My most hated? OMG, it's so hard to choose just one. I'm sick to death of 8 million versions of "The Christmas Shoes." Does everyone have to do a version of this song? Perhaps what really pisses me off is that it can still make me cry. I'm such a sucker.

I just posted about how Mr. Wonderful fixed my 'puter and we were feeling all warm and fuzzy. You know he had to f that up, right?

We were going to an early lunch together today. Girl was crying and fussing because she wanted to wear 2 winter coats at the same time and we (horrible parents that we are) declined to accede to her demands. When Girl cries, Spousehole's asshole tendencies go off the chart. Something about the whine in her cries could drive the Pope to want to kill her. She really is quite annoying.

So we're getting ready to go, he's in the car with her while I'm cleaning the snow off the car (how did I end up doing it? Not sure. Anyway . . . ). I finish cleaning off the snow and get in. He's holding an empty Starbucks cup that I foolishly left in the car. "How much did this cost?" he yelled. I said, "I don't remember. Probably about $4.oo." "YOU ARE NOT ENTITLED TO THIS!!!" was his bellowed response.

WTF? I'm not ENTITLED to it? How does one become "entitled" to Starbucks? I never said I was "entitled" to Starbucks. Sheez. I get one caramel macchiato (a tall, mind you - the smallest size) at Target's Starbucks and you would think the G-ddamn world is coming to an end. OMG.

Once he calmed down and the Girl stopped crying, he was better. Though about an hour later, apparently remembering that my dad had slipped me some pocket money this weekend (which he does because he knows Spousehole doesn't let me spend his money on myself) or that I earned $30 last week babysitting the neighbor boy, he said "I would think you would have better things to spend your money on."

I know - that's a title you never expected to see. But it is true. I may even be halfway nice to him today. :-)

I was just telling Rae, a law student who has computer problems right before her finals next week, how handy it is having my own personal version of the Geek Squad (but more competent) right here in the house. Then he went and proved how true that is.

My computer died on me yesterday. It was highly upsetting, because I consider it my lifeline sometimes. Anyway, it had been just freezing up off and on for about a week. Then yesterday it froze up and didn't come out of it, so I did a hard reboot. That had fixed the problem in the past. This time - no such luck. It would get through the Dell splashscreen, then just whirr and click but not progress any further. ARRGGHH!

I told Spousehole about my problem when he got home. He didn't seem too terribly interested, but said he'd look at it when he got a chance. I really expected him to never get around to it. After he had watched two episodes of Enterprise on his laptop (bit torrent downloads), I asked if he had a chance to look at my 'puter. He sighed and started messing with it. I expected him to give it a cursory glance and say "I can't fix it. You'll just have to live without it." I went upstairs to get the kids bathed and ready for bed. About 45 minutes later, he came upstairs and told me it was fixed!!! He said there was something funky with the hard drive (which I suspected from past experience with this machine) but he fixed it(!). I asked how and he got into an explanation that didn't make much sense to me, but it works!! Yea!!! (Something about running some linux program I'm not familiar with and fixing some problem I've never heard of, blah blah blah - it's fixed!!)

I told him that when we separate I'll miss his mad 'puter skills. He said that he'll fix my 'puters if I cook for him once in a while. I said "It's a deal" and we shook on it.

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

Happy חנֻכה to all my Jewish friends and readers! The Festival of Lights is a beautiful celebration. I don't just say that because it involves fried foods! As a Christian, I apologize for our holiday kind of taking over yours (Hanukkah Bushes? With dreidel lights? Emphasis on gifts over the spiritual meaning? Hanukkah greeting cards? Yeah, we've messed y'all up.) If you're in my neck of the woods, let me know and I'll pick you up some Krispy Kremes and we'll celebrate together! They're not sufganiot, but they'll work in a pinch, right? (Just like we substitute any old jelly doughnut for apączki on Fat Tuesday. We're more alike than different, sometimes.)

Okay, I'm at the library right now, just escaping from the fam for a bit. The most freakin' adorable guy just sat down across from me. About 6', dark curly hair - slightly damp from the helmet, black leather jacket, helmet, black leather boots, long slender fingers with nice nails, gorgeous blue eyes with long dark lashes, AND HANDCUFFS. I shit you not. He's got handcuffs. He saw me looking and smiled and said they hold his gloves shut tight at his wrists when he rides in this weather. He has a set on each side and tucks the unused bracelet of each up his sleeve while he rides. Let me tell you, I was so turned on watching him unlock each cuff and put them in his pockets. I can't even tell you how turned on. OMG.

Unfortunately I look like shit right now, so I don't think he'd be interested. I look ok in my faux shearling jacket and ivory scarf, but I don't have on make-up and I'm wearing my glasses, not my contacts. No make-up and glasses - there's a hot look (NOT). And my period is going to start any f'ing minute (hence the poll people - look to the right!) and I have acne like I'm 14 instead of 40. Yeah, I'm a total hottie at the moment.

It's TMI Tuesday! Click the "I kiss and tell" icon to come play with us!!

1. If your partner buys you a sexy little "something" is it a present for you or for your partner?Both!

2. What are 3 characteristics of "your type"?Intelligent, confident, high libido

3. On a scale of 1-10, how good a cook are you?8.5. For me, cooking is a sensual experience and I'm all about sensual experiences! My cooking is the one thing Spousehole doesn't complain about. Unfortunately, he has told his mother (more than once, despite being warned to never do it again) that I am a better cook than her. Since she prides herself on her near-gourmet cooking, I could have killed him. It's true, but he needn't have told her.

Dinner tonight: Not gourmet, but yummy comfort food (it's cold here!). Beef stew, made with a splash or two of burgundy & crushed allspice (I roughly crush a few whole berries with my mortar and pestle and toss them in the pot) for a rich flavor. Not sure if I'll use garlic or shallots. I prefer garlic, but sometimes Spousehole prefers shallots for their more delicate flavor. I think the intense flavor of the burgundy requires garlic for balance, but that's just me. Also still deciding whether to make dumplings or let the bread machine make some dough for yeast rolls to serve with the stew. I like dumplings because they fit with the rustic nature of a stew, but my kids prefer yeast rolls.4. Tattoos: Love them or hate them. On you? On a partner?On me - no thank you. Just not my thing. On a partner - a few (1-6) are cool, totally covered in them doesn't really work for me.

5. Stubble: Good or bad? How often do you shave?Below the waist, stubble is mostly bad. I hate feeling itchy. Armpit stubble is also bad. Facial stubble can be kind of sexy ON A GUY. I kind of like that scratchy feeling as he kisses me - reminds me that I'm with a real man.I shave my armpits every other day, my legs it depends on the season. Summer, at least every other day. Winter, less often - mostly if I think I might get laid ;-) Other areas? Used to be every couple days, but now it's mostly if I think there's a possibility I might get laid. Or if I just feel like it. I prefer waxing, if I can afford it.Bonus (as in optional):What are a few of your favorite things (both sexual non-sexual)?Garlic, curry, chocolate, Kahlua, tequila, my children's smiles; oral (giving and receiving), long sexy kisses, cuddling afterwards, pool or hot tub sex, nipple stimulation (gentle at first, then rough). Or just refer to what I said yesterday:Dominant in relationships - this has been true for many years, but I long for a major switch, in the bedroom, at least sometimes. I want so much to be dominated, to not be in charge sexually. Yes, running things still works for me too, but what gets me really, really wet is the idea of being roughly "taken," controlled, hands tied, "manhandled," pinned to the bed or the bedroom wall or the shower wall, to be with a lover who doesn't ask for what he wants - just takes it, no hesitation, a lover who will dominate me while still focusing on making me enjoy it, not letting me forgo my own pleasure in favor of his (a bad habit of mine). Does that make any sense? Any volunteers?

Monday, December 3, 2007

Hmmmm. Smart, loud, always has to have the last word, longs for freedom, rebellious, playful, curious - yes, that's me. Someone loves me right now? If so, let me know because I'm in the dark! Dominant in relationships - this has been true for many years, but I long for a major switch, at least in the bedroom, at least sometimes. I want so much to be dominated, to not be in charge sexually. Yes, running things still works for me too, but what gets me really, really wet is the idea of being roughly "taken," controlled, hands tied, "manhandled," pinned to the bed or the bedroom wall or the shower wall, to be with a lover who doesn't ask for what he wants - just takes it, no hesitation, a lover who will dominate me while still focusing on making me enjoy it, not letting me forgo my own pleasure in favor of his. Does that make any sense? Any volunteers?

Sometimes, but not before Thanksgiving and really not until about a week before Christmas. Though I am going to a Hanukkah concert next week. That'll be interesting. It's these guys who perform some new pop-rock style Hanukkah songs.

Is your tree up and decorated? Any gifts under it yet?

No. In fact, I haven't even put up a tree the last three years. 2004 I was very pregnant and on bedrest. 2005 I had an autistic preschooler and an infant and just didn't want to deal with it. Last year I had an autistic preschooler and a toddler and just didn't want to deal with it. Now I have a collapsing marriage, an autistic kindergartener, and an extremely active toddler, and I don't know if I want to deal with it.

I haven't purchased any gifts yet. A. We have almost no money for it and B. I'm just not into it yet.

In the 12 Days of Christmas, which gift would be your favorite?

Five gold rings. I could sell them for some cash.

What makes you feel the "Grinchiest" during the holiday season?

My nephew's immense greed. The kid wants EVERYTHING. My kids just don't ask for much and he is so greedy in comparison.

It snowed bad here Thursday night. I mean, not horrible, but several inches with ice underneath. It was a reminder that winter is really coming. Again.

Then last night we had an ice storm. We knew it was coming and planned ahead. Saturday was my mom's birthday (66, if you must know) and my parents didn't want us driving home after celebrating with the family, so we stayed at a hotel in their town. The kids thought that was great. Girl and I went swimming Saturday afternoon and then we met my family for dinner out. It was fun and the kids were well-behaved. We went to my mom's house for cake & ice cream and for her to open her gifts. The kids played with their cousin and had a ball. We had told Boy he could go swimming when we got back to the hotel, but it was late when we returned so I told him I would take him Sunday morning.

So this morning after breakfast I took Boy swimming. Spousehole had a hissy fit. "Going swimming on Sunday morning?" he kept saying. I finally said that yes, we were going swimming because I promised my son. Spousehole said that I was disrespecting God by choosing to take the Boy swimming because it meant we wouldn't get back to our town in time to go to church. I told him to get over it. He showed me his ring-less left hand and said "I'm never putting it back on. Ever." I replied that I never asked nor expected him to do so and took the Boy swimming. The way I figure it, God will forgive our missing church 4 or 5 Sundays out of the year when an opportunity for fun comes up. It's not like we blow it off regularly. 4 or 5 Sundays a year is the max we ever miss. If God has a problem with it, he'll find a way to let me know.

Boy had a great time swimming and I'm glad I didn't make him miss it in favor of rushing back home to go to church. When Boy and I returned to the room, I really expected to find Spousehole and Girl had cleared out and headed home without us. That would be like him. But he surprised me and was still there. He wasn't talking to me, but that was easier to live with than if he had abandoned us there and made me have to have my Dad drive us back home. I'm still surprised he stayed. Perhaps he is finally maturing a little.

Frankly, the way most other Democrats behave embarasses you greatly.
You pride yourself on a high level of morals, and you have a good grasp on right and wrong.
It's likely you think America needs to get back to its conservative, Juedo-Christian values.
Why aren't you a Republican then? Because you believe the goverment helps more than hurts.