How to Discipline and Punish the Children

Says an old proverb:“Discipline your son while there is hope.Let not thy soul destroy it. “

How do we know if we are properly educating our children?

At what age should we start to discipline our children?

Many times we think we will begin to educate our children when they get older and can understand, without taking into account that the child starts learning from the moment he is born. The first lessons in life influence us. Over time, both men and women put into practice the examples and principles familiar to them.

There is no school or college to teach us to be parents, yet we learn to develop an approach we can use in dealing with children. We seek their cooperation without impositions, and try to respect their individuality. As much as parents love their children, they also need to find ways to say no to them when the time calls for it. That way, the children will be guided as they are growing.

As in any institution or workplace, there are rules to be followed at home as well. These rules will serve as guides for the children to abide by for without these rules there will be chaos in the house and in the family.

In earlier times it was common to use corporal punishment. These punishments were deemed important in bringing up a child. Unfortunately, these punishments were psychologically dangerous for they affect the child’s behaviour. The effects might not be physically visible, but sooner or later they will manifest in one way or another. A few examples of these are: lack of self confidence, over dependence, irritability, etc.

Why do we educate our children with physical blows?
Could it be that we suffered as children?
How often do we talk to them?

We know that violence begets violence. We think that many of the punishments cause fear, because as parents we want our children to feel afraid. All punishments result to fear, intimidation, and violence, and is something that is usually inherited from one generation to another. This is commonly believed as acceptable for it is said to bring order and to establish the idea of authority within a family.

I know so without the slightest shred of pity or respect, vent her frustrations through slapping her daughter.

We see cases like this many times in our own family, where the punishment is often more severe than what the child deserves. The child will grow up in submission, with anger, and hate towards a figure of authority (parent or guardian). Thus, the education they receive is limiting them from learning other ways of communicating among the members of the family, especially towards the parents. This will also be the reason for them to hold a grudge against anybody whom they think is not on their side.

We may get what we want by making the children do as we wish, thus taking their freedom away from them. This may seem good at the start, but instead of getting their respect for us, we are cultivating a feeling of hatred towards us. Even when we explain to the children that what they are doing is for their own good, and even if they understand it, they will still have that bad feeling towards us.

A very strong tool that we can use in dealing with our children is communication. Let us open our minds and remember that our children are thinking beings. They too are like us who are capable of making the right decisions. Let us open a line of communication with them and let them bombard us with questions. This way, we will be able to explain to them and show them what is right and wrong. And with their open mind they will be able to grasp the importance of what we are saying.

We have to remember that it is easy for our children to respect us when we also respect them. They will not hesitate to confide in us when we earn that trust and respect. It will then be easier for us to guide them when there is an open line of communication.