Search This Blog

Predictable

A Labour politician has stunned his town council colleagues by claiming his “real mother” is a 9ft green alien with eight fingers.

Councillor Simon Parkes, who was elected to represent Stakesby ward on Whitby Town Council last month, said although he has had hundreds of close encounters with extra-terrestrials, it will not interfere with his mission to help residents at the seaside resort.

Speaking on YouTube, Coun Parkes said he first saw an alien at the age of eight months, when “a traditional kite-shaped face”, with huge eyes, tiny nostrils and a thin mouth appeared over his cot.

He said: “Two green stick things came in. I was aware of some movement over my head. I thought, ‘they’re not mummy’s hands, mummy’s hands are pink’.”

He added: “I was looking straight into its face. It enters my mind through my eyes and it sends a message down my optic nerve into my brain.

“It says ‘I am your real mother, I am your more important mother’.”

…Parkes said his extraterrestrial beliefs “did not come up on the doorstep” while he was campaigning recently.

He said: “For many people who don’t experience it, it’s very hard to accept. We are taught to only see and believe what we can touch, but it’s acceptable to believe in religion.

“It’s a personal matter and it doesn’t affect my work. I’m more interested in fixing someone’s leaking roof or potholes. People don’t want me to talk about aliens.

“I get more common sense out of the aliens than out of Scarborough Town Hall. The aliens are far more aware of stuff. People in the Town Hall seem not to be aware of the needs of Whitby.”

Comments

Do you have any comments or insight on the thrilling developments in Azawad? I have no doubt that the editorial staff of A.D.C. take a strong line in defense of the legitimate national aspirations of the Berber people, and against nefarious American-Malian imperialism.

Amusingly, I read in an article that the Tuareg say they are mistreated in Mali due to their light-skin, which is sort of the opposite of what's happening to their co-ethnics in Libya right now. Of course, when the "light-skinned Arabs" are supposed to be expressing prejudice against "dark-skinned" tribes in Sudan it's hard for an American to wrap their head around. Don't they know if you've got one drop that means you check "black" on the census form?

I thought my comment had been double-posted, hence the deleted one below.

"America has never been united by blood or birth or soil. We are bound by ideals that move us beyond our backgrounds, lift us above our interests and teach us what it means to be citizens. Every child must be taught these principles. Every citizen must uphold them; and every immigrant, by embracing these ideals, makes our country more, not less, American." - George W. Bush

"America is not only for the whites , but it is for all. Who is the America? The American is you, me and that. When we go to America we will become Americans and there is no a race or nationalism called America and the Americans are those Africans, Indians, Chinese, and Europeans and whoever goes to America will become American...American is for all of us and the whole world had made and created America. All the people all over the world had made America and it shall accordingly be for all of us. I will never feel ashamed when I claim for my right in America and it will not be strange when I raise my v…