I can't look away from this story Deadspin broke about college football player Manti Te'o's fake dead girlfriend. Here are some hilarious Twitter responses (BF) and here's what I look like reading every article I can about all this:

The winner for Tweet of the day (via Sarah Carlson) obviously goes to Deadspin.

Megan Fox told Esquire that she's getting her tattoos removed and made a Marilyn Monroe/Lindsay Lohan comparison that isn't that far off. (Celebitchy)

Meanwhile, FilmDrunk awesomely breaks down the mindless idiocy of the Esquire puff piece on Megan Fox, including a section in which Fox's brow is described to be like "patterns of waves crisscrossing a lake, snow avalanching down the side of a mountain, an elaborately camouflaged butterfly," while her skin is "the colour the moon possesses in the thin air of northern winters." As Vince says, it is "the most embarrassingly flowery prose you'll read outside of North Korea's propaganda department." (FilmDrunk)

Richard Madden ("Game of Thrones'" Robb Stark, King in the North (KING IN THE NORTH!)) steps out of the boiled leather and furs and into the coming season's fashions in this photoshoot for Mr. Porter. (T&L)

MONDO's new poster for Jaws will go on sale at an unspecified time today. Check these images and keep an eye out on the page linked inside if you want it. I would get it, but I'm gonna need a bigger wallet. (MONDO)

Disney is launching Disney Infinity a video game that will let you play with and mix characters from Disney and Pixar's properties. (Fast Co.Design)

This list of 9 of the most fun animal species talks up octopi, but doesn't mention anything about a certain beloved one-eyed, blue, cephalopod deity prone to excessive drinking. (io9)

For those of you who don't hate all things Wes Anderson and Moonrise Kingdom. Here is a cool interactive version of the film's script packed with production extras. (Focus Guild)

Tina, Alec Baldwin, and Tracy Morgan cover Rollingstone in this Superman-themed photo. I think I remember Superbrother. Faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive, higher than a kite, right? (MTV Geek)

Someone else named Jasmine has gone and made CHURRO WAFFLES. Obviously, I must find her, destroy her, and assume her life and waffles for myself. (Laughing Squid)

FX is apparently planning on splitting the network in two. FX will keep the dramas and FXX will be home to the network's comedies. No word about FXXX, the channel for porn parodies of all their programming. (WG)

Speaking of, the wait for "Archer's" return has been long and hard, but cheer up my Doc Frowns, it's back! Let this supercut of all the show's insulting nicknames get you ready for tonight. SPLOOSH!

My real name is Jasmine, and I spent my entire life without meeting another one (excepting the Disney movie that resulted in a hoard of children getting it screamed at them in stores), so it's always a little odd to come across another. And here is another Jasmine mentioning yet another. I know of all the examples of how the internet is a weird place, this is a very, very minor one, but still.