I’ve been going back and forth about this post for some time now. I’ve been meaning to share it for a while, but haven’t gotten the chance to really dig into my new motherhood perspective until recently.

It hasn’t been the easiest journey, I mean who would say newborn life while chasing after a toddler is easy anyway? I’m simply here to tell you how it is & be open about my personal journey/experience.

In The Beginning

When we brought Eli home (technically to my parents home where we lived for his first 2 months of life) everything went smoother than expected. I mean, I did have lots of help between my parents, husband, & aunt. The first few weeks felt like a breeze to me because Eli slept most of the time, so I got to spend almost all my time with Kaden. In my head, I used to think “wow this is nothing, I totally got this!” LOL Wrong.

Once Eli turned 4 weeks things started to get a little more difficult for us, especially at night time. Despite the help I had at my finger tips, I was starting to become sleep deprived & emotionally exhausted since Eli got really sick for a couple weeks. He’d scream at night and none of us hardly ever got any sleep. Felt like if it wasn’t one thing, it was another. Fortunately, during these hard weeks Kaden’s behavior was surprisingly good. He wasn’t jealous & he quickly grasped the whole “big brother” concept. We always made sure to make him feel included in everything as well. I was very proud of how he handled the entire NB stage.

Until We Moved

I knew the transition of moving out on our own again would take some adjusting, but I didn’t expect it to be the way it is. Personally, I feel a lot more comfortable & confident going out alone with the kids. I’m very situational aware so that makes me an alert mama at all times. Plus, I no longer feel anxious if one starts crying & the other gets fussy in public either. I’ve learned to embrace this because that’s just motherhood. However, my connection with Kaden (my oldest) has been a bit turbulent lately. For the past week or two his behavior has drastically changed. Everyone says it’s because of the move. Since it is just the three of us at home during the day I can see how it could be affecting him. I’m not proud of the way I’ve been handling it because I do get very frustrated at how rebellious he’s become toward me. Sometimes I think I’m choosing Eli over him & it makes me feel so guilty. The love I have for them is exactly the same, but Eli just seems easier right now. He doesn’t give me attitude, he doesn’t scream at me, he doesn’t yell when I try to sing songs or feed him, he doesn’t kick me while throwing a tantrum. It’s a type of behavior I’ve never dealt with before and as much as I’m trying to ride it through & be understanding my emotions do get the best of me most days.

You know, I don’t want to be THAT mom who’s children see crying all the time or frustrated most of the day. I’ve been manifesting a conscious environment for myself, but for some reason I can’t seem to change the way Kaden acts toward me. It does give me peace knowing it’s just temporary, but it makes me feel bad that it’s happening. Kaden has a speech delay as well, so this issue plays a huge part in it. Helping him express himself is something I work on daily and when he’s not compliant it just throws my entire mood off. Thinking about the way I’ve been treating him in reaction to his actions makes me feel like crap. As a mother of two, I should be practicing more patience any way. At the end of the day, I just want him to be a happy kid who feels understood.

Well, I don’t want to ramble on about the negatives because despite every struggle I go through, I can genuinely say these two boys are my life. Even after a long stressful day, I fall asleep next to my healthy children that mean the world to me. That right there is all that matters. As far as overall living with two kids, I LOVE it. Sure it’s very time consuming because they’re still so young & dependent, but I’m trying my best to do my best with them. I always aim for a better “tomorrow”, regardless of what may be in store for me. That’s motherhood for you, ya take what you have & make the best of it for your kid(s). Yes, I wish it was a bit easier, but I guess this is part of the journey.

My main piece of advice for a new mom of two would definitely be to practice more patience & gentleness. We don’t have it all figured out, things are still very unpredictable at this stage. BREATHE OFTEN (deep inhales, long exhales) and let things be what they are. That is what I’m currently working on right now (accepting & riding it out). You’re not alone, nor will you ever be thanks to your children. Here’s to the new moms, young moms, older moms, working moms, & stay at home mom: YOURE ALL AN INSPIRATION.