Monday, September 8, 2014

Some days are better than others

I had a little bit of a meltdown this weekend related to depression. Photo and text about it can be found on my Instagram. Basically: I haven't been taking my medication or care of myself in daily routines such as brushing my teeth or keeping my kitchen/fridge clean. I can't give you a reason as to why I'm doing this to myself, I just feel really tired and that it doesn't matter what I do. Yes, things are good: I have a secure job for the next year, I have an absolutely amazing boyfriend, I just got a new computer + screen, I bought nice new clothes, I've been seeing my friends, I've visited my parents... But that's what depression is, it's this monster on your back that makes you constantly doubt your selfworth and creeps up on you even when you wouldn't expect it to. It's a chemical imbalance, it's all those mean words and deeds from when I was just a child, it's my sister's untimely death, it's the sum of too many things.

But I'm trying. Because we all have our own demons to fight. Because of the good days. Because of the love I feel for all the important people in my life. Because there is so much beauty and good in the world, no matter how shitty things may seem. Because of the little things that make life worth living.

So I pick myself up. Today I booked three doctor's appointments (sadly, just a doctor instead of The Doctor) to help me figure out why I'm constantly sick and to see if my antidepressants need to be adjusted or if I need to go talk to someone. I've started brushing my teeth again, since stinky cat breath really isn't sexy, and I'm trying to get well enough to start exercising again. Giving up is just not an option.
But I'm babbling again. Since I spent most of Friday evening/night battling with a migraine, Mr. J and I didn't do anything fun. These pics are from Saturday, when we decided to finally go see Guardians of the Galaxy. I've had that damn song playing in my head ever since... "I can't stop this feeling deep inside of me..."

Got sick of battling with hairdyes and just decided to go back to black. I miss the blue, but my hair always looks best black. Necklace is Rogue by Tiina UlkuniemiPhone cover is from ebay

2 comments:

Oh...I have been through a similar situation a couple of years ago.I couldn't do anything.I felt no will to live through everyday life, I couldn't even lift a finger to take care of myself and my surroundings and I didn't have the will to do things I liked.But now I'm better :-)You'll get through this!Be strong :-)

-P.S. Ah...The Doctor.Seems I'm not the only girl dreaming of a mad man with a blue box to come take me away afterall...hehe