The KKK Tries To Lure New Members With Sweet Treats

Do you have a sweet tooth and a terrible attitude toward anyone that’s not White, protestant, and heterosexual? If so, if you’re looking to visit South Carolina in the not too distance future, the Ku Klux Klan would like to offer you a bag and candy and a brochure instructing you to “Save your land, join the Klan.”

In today’s “Fix It, Black Jesus” report, residents of a Seneca subdivision reportedly woke up to find bags of candy on their driveway Sunday morning. Why am I not surprised that a terrorist organization with a penchant for cross burning, murder, and other forms of violence would pick Sunday to try and flex a faux level of sweetness?

The residents reportedly now say they’re afraid of the association.

As one explained, “[I] talked to several neighbors. They were very angry, very upset, very ashamed at the same time — that this exists. Ashamed to face our neighbors that do not have the same color of skin that we do.”

When the local Fox affiliated called the number listed in the brochure, the Klan Hotline greets you with “be a man join the Klan! Illegal immigration is destroying America” and concludes with “always remember if it ain’t White, it ain’t right. White power.”

And after speaking to Robert Jones, the Imperial Klaliff of the sect, the Loyal White Knights, the move was a part of their national night ride, which they do three times a year. He added that chapters across the country drop literature overnight.

Something for other White suburbanites to look forward to.

Still, Jones defended himself from accusations that he is a White supremacist, explaining, “I mean, we can’t tell who lives in a house, whether they’re Black, White, Mexican, gay, we can’t tell that. And if you were to look at somebody’s house like that, that means you’d be pretty much a racist.”

Is this real life? A Klansman is putting himself above a generic racist? What’s next? Lessons on how to treat a woman from Ike Turner’s ghost?

According to Jones, the KKK is not a hate group; rather, it is a civil rights organization following the Bible – a “civil rights organization” presently protesting illegal immigration. My head is beginning to hurt as I’m bombarded with so many bad lies in such a short amount of time.

This sounds more of that “rebranding” approach to the KKK that’s been going on for a few years now. In theory, this “kindler, gentler” claim isn’t about terrorizing people of color. No, no. It’s all about reminding them how much better White people are than Blacks and to take their asses back to whatever part of Latin America or Africa they came from. And to match their purported newfound sweetness, they’re giving away candy.

I’m sure in their minds this is actually a smart approach. Thankfully, I’m not that big of a sucker, and apparently neither are the residents of this South Carolina town.

But hey, maybe next time they’ll try having a fish fry or bake sale…and perhaps some hot grease will pop all of those fools in the eye.