Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Damn Polly Pocket And Her Infinite & Tiny Wardrobe

First, and my biggest peeve, is the fact that every doll comes with 14 pairs of shoes. These shoes are smaller than an American dime cut in half and I find her footwear in every room of the house.

Second, all of her furniture has sharp edges that are quickly discovered by bare feet.

Third, I defy an adult to try to change her outfit twice in twelve and a half minutes, let alone a child. All of her clothes are made of rubber and when you try to put small arms in sleeves or slim legs in anything but a short skirt, they stick like duct tape to the limbs of the doll and only vasoline could smooth the transition of tennis clothes to cocktail gown.

Fourth, this chumpette has a better line of clothes than I ever will, not to mention they tend to clog the vacuum.

Thank your lucky stars you don't have small girls.

Forgive my rant, but I'm in mid reconstruction of the sweeper and I am in need of a Labatt's.

Doc

P.S.- Happy New Year! I know all of my Jewish friends will be having some challah bread today!

9 comments:

You know what I like most about your posts, Doc? They are always true to the theme. They end with beer ... that's the key ... but before that, you'll pretend you don't like trying on doll's clothes and putting on those little shoes, and just being a really genuine perverted dad. Very endearing.

But if you read your Father's Contract Manual, I believe it's somewhere on page 348, paragraph 9 or thereabouts that it says that taking apart household appliances to remove objects like very small toys, cat hair clogs and threads is part of what you signed up for when you agreed to have procreative sex.

Besides, vacuum cleaners always have too many screws on the bottom-- this is a good way to streamline the thing. Think of it as regular maintainence-- like taking the mower blade off for sharpening and scraping all the clumped on dehydrated grass, or removing the dryer hose and snaking it out or cleaning out the BBQ grill: it's gotta be done SOMETIME, you've just been given the reason to do it NOW vs. later.

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