Ho Ho Ho: What To Get Your Favorite Porn Star For Christmas

Do you celebrate the Christian holiday honoring the birth of our lord and savior Bel Ami’s Mick Lovell Jesus Christ, “Christmas”? You do? Gross. Well, you can’t very well buy Jesus a present (He’s dead), but you can buy something for your favorite gay porn star! It’s what Jesus would want.

Here is Part I of The Sword’s “Porn Star Christmas List Round-Up,” where porn stars share the three things they want most this year.

If you’re a seriously devoted superfan and you want to buy any of these gifts and have them shipped to a porn star, email me and I’ll hook you up with details on how to proceed. I’ll also hook you up with a psychologist, because really?

Spencer Reed
1. To do a scene with Jesse Santana
2. A personal assistant
3. Cum in Phillip Aubrey’s eye one more time

Cavin Knight
1. One million frequent flyer miles for Tristan and I so we can fly to see each other whenever we want
2. A Kristen Bjorn scene with Francesco D’Macho
3. World peace :-)

Landon Conrad
All I want for Christmas is to spend it with the people I love. Oh, and maybe a gift card to Bodybuilding.com…oh and maybe a trip to Hawaii! Ha ha :-)

Kirk Cummings
1. For gay people to have just as many rights as everyone else
2. For gays to stop supporting the gay-for-pay performers who say negative shit
3. To have a muscular bod :-)

Conner Habib
1. Blake Harper to get back into porn and have sex with me. If not, then Steve Kelso. Please.
2. Everything on my Amazon Wish List, even the weird stuff
3. Hugs

Jeremy Feist
1. Patton Oswalt’s Zombie Spaceship Wasteland. I just fucking love Patton Oswalt. I think he’s the funniest person alive, and Werewolves and Lollipops is one of those albums I’ll just randomly throw on once a month if I feel like laughing for an hour straight. This has been on my reading list for a while now, so I really just want to finally blaze through it.2. The spiked, leather g-string pouch from Northbound Leather. I will wear anything that shows my ass, while doubling as a deadly weapon. So yeah, a leather g-string covered in cock spikes is definitely on my list. The ones at Northbound Leather are great, and they’re totally the perfect gift for that special person in your life who wants to walk around with a weaponized dick.
3. Seasons 1 and 2 of Archer on DVD. This will probably be my favorite show on TV once Community is cancelled because NBC is full of dicks. It’s all just so funny and well-written, and I kind of wish Pam was a real person. Also, is it wrong that I kinda want to bang Archer? I know he’s a cartoon character and all, but still…*Sploosh*

love riley’s list. the others’ are idiotic..spencer’s was condescending..kirk’s was pathetically laughable and contradictory,considering he just shot a scene with that tall for nothing,stupid asshole Cliff jensen and his ugly homophobic slurring gf sienna splash. some gay porn models just belong in the gutter

Heh, “sploosh.” Oh Jeremy Feist, Archer is totally and disturbingly fuckworthy for a weird CGI-cel cartoon thingy; how you speak my language. Riley Price sort of does too, but I’d rather be boning Ryan Gosling, or at least flip-flop.

Everybody else had funny, or at least endearing answers, but Spencer Reed’s just reinforce the douche vibe he has been putting out for much of the last year. What happened to loveable teddy bear Spencer? He needs to come back and leave angry douchebag Spencer in the corner.

“Hungry For Moore” was how Gabriel felt when he unleashed Logan’s uncut throbber. Josh felt the same about Gabriel’s. But once Logan started pumping out his load, Gabriel’s hunger was replaced by something else: thirst.