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Thursday, February 07, 2008

What Sucks…Phoenix Trade Honors Memory Of Shaq

In a stirring tribute to one of the greatest centers in NBA history, the Phoenix Suns, acquired Shaquille O’Neal yesterday from the Miami Heat for 1999 prices.

Shaq-Fu, who has won 4 Championships over the course of his dominant career, was in the midst of his worst NBA season, averaging somewhere around 14 points per game and barely playing for the Heat, one of the NBA’s worst teams. To get O’Neal, an old 36, the Suns gave up Shawn Marion, a 4-Time All Star who has averaged a double-double for the past 8 years, can guard just about any position, hit an open three, finish and start a fast break and who is just 30 years old.

With the Suns, who are lead by slashing, run and gun stars such as Steve Nash and Amare Stoudemire, basically a running team- famous for their fast-paced offensive style, adding O’Neal- a 315 pound, 7’1 monster in the paint, makes a lot of sense- back in 1999.

“I am honored and touched by this deal,” Shaq Daddy told reporters before leaving Miami, “I feel like the NBA is saying ‘Thanks for everything you gave to the league’. Who knows, maybe I’ll get a chance to be in movies once more. Everything old is new again.”

Also honored by this deal, Knick coach and General Manager, Isiah Thomas. “Hopefully, this is the start of teams asking themselves before they make a deal ‘What would Isiah Thomas do?’, I mean besides lose a sexual harassment case. I am also truly honored.”

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Suckiness surrounds us all, gripping us in a vice-like hold, with the ferocity of a bear trap made of shit. My mission? To offer insight and shed understanding on the vast, seemingly endless, black hole of crap each one of us has to face on a daily basis. And while that torrent of bullshit is both mammoth in scope and unyielding in its advance, at least here it can be called it out for what it is- a lot of shit that really sucks.

So join me- everyday I’ll shine the spotlight on something that sucks. And your comments, until you weird me out, are always welcome. That being said, thanks for stopping by and sorry everything sucks so bad.

About Me

Chris DeLuca is a writer/ producer/ comic currently living in Hoboken, the Prague of New Jersey. He's written for a bunch of TV shows you probably have not watched or heard of (United States of Hip Hop, Nikki & Sara Live, Mob Wives Reunion, BET's Don't Sleep, and Fuse News- see?) as well as Late Late Show with Craig Kilborn, Best Week Ever, Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson and the 12/12/12 Concert For Sandy Relief. He was also the "World's Oldest Intern" on VH1's Big Morning Buzz. In 2009 he created, wrote and starred in the hilarious, and subversive “Mocap, LLC" on Spike. Sadly, he thinks he caused his parent's divorce.