California Taco Licker Fired Real 'Pronto'

A taco that did not get licked by the infamous California Taco Licker.

RIDGECREST, California - A spokesperson for Taco Bell wants all of its patrons to know that the infamous Taco Licker, who licked 30 taco shells, has been fired and customers can once again feel comfortable and enjoy their tacos knowing that they have not been pre-tasted.

Company spokesperson Raleigh Farrago, 42, said that the employee, who he would only identify as one sick sicko, was told to turn in his Taco Bell hat, shirt, pants, socks, and underwear and get the hell out of Dodge, as they used to say in the Old West.

Mr. Farrago wanted to express to everyone that Taco Bell is making sure that this type of sickening incident which can best be described as being ewwwww and yucky never, ever happens again.

He pointed out that each Taco Bell restaurant will immediately be installing closed circuit surveillance cameras in all store kitchens, offices, dining areas, and bathrooms.

The company says that when they first heard about the situation they wanted to wring the guilty party's neck. Customers wanted to hold him down and stick lettuce, tomatoes, onions, guacamole, and hot sauce up his nose.

Even President Obama got into the fray when he stated at a hastily called press conference that he will be looking into the possibility of shipping the taco licking scumbag off to Guantanamo (Cuba).

SIDENOTE: The president did have high praise for Quantavius Voxweather, 17, who is the Taco Bell lettuce cutter who managed to wrestle the sick employee to the ground before he licked any more taco shells.

Make Abel Rodriguez's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

More fake news stories

Lawyers around the nation are worried that they may have to enter another job profession after several investors decided to develop a Watson Lawyer to advice and represent paying clients.
Watson is an artificially intelligent computer system capab...

California - A kilo of Sonoma County Best macrobiotic organic lactose-free olive oil salad dressing has nudged $49.99 for the first time since the OPEC crudites crisis of '99.
In brisk trading on the Nasduck Monday the price of restaurant-grade av...

A new vaping company has come on the market that provides its users with atomic-borne, fracking-waste emissions instead of the water vapor used by traditional vaping horns.
Vape Rape LLC, headquartered outside Wheeling, W.Va. on a rezoned piece o...

BUG TUSSLE, AK -- Despite its treatment of its employees, many of whom receive minimum wages and no health or other benefits, Mallwart has the reputation, whether deserved or not, of being a "family-friendly" retailer.
However, in the wake of rece...

Chicago, Illinois - Manufacturers of the USA's best-selling steam mop are over the moon at a recent sales surge after Hollywood actress Gwyneth Paltrow endorsed their latest must-have add-on the All American Steam Douche Attachment.
The vaginal be...

JERSEY CITY, N.J. - I went online and ordered my very own drone in late July.
I purchased the thing from Military Drone Leftovers from the Desert Wars Dot Com.
Man, it sure is a pretty thing, too. I guess it originally was a flat black, but b...