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Friday, October 29, 2010

Identity

image from http://www.kineticfaith.com

A couple of things have happened recently to make me ponder who I am. Leaving McGuire's after 8 years, has been a very bittersweet experience and I think it will be a long time before I no longer identify myself as "Silvia, from McGuire's." The other more profound sense of loss has, of course, been the situation within my marriage and the aftershocks of the B-bomb. Being part of a pair, especially a pair who hold somewhat public professional positions, has all sorts of social ramifications and expectations which are currently residing in limbo. I don't know how to respond right now when someone introduces me to another as "....'s wife." It just feels awkward and weird on so many levels. And, yes, I recognize that my own propensity to be public about topics more often kept private, is a factor in my discomfort, but, for the record, I wouldn't take back a single word.

And, it's got me thinking about all the separate qualities, circumstances and characteristics which join together to become our own personal identity. How do we define ourselves, both privately and publicly, and how do our choices impact our ability to maintain an identity to which we've grown accustomed? Which ones do we personally foster and develop and at what price? The only conclusion I can make, at this point in my life, is that I'm a person who lives an open existence. If you ask me to keep your secrets, I will, but please don't ask me to refrain from sharing my own. The parts of my identity which I plan to display most often during this confusing, emotional time all originate in an internal place and involve frank honesty. And, they are the attributes which I hope to always possess - along with my position as "....'s wife."