I’m Out!

Mostly. Awana came over early this morning and we loaded her van and my car To The Top three times. Two trips to storage and one back to Towanda and we are as done as we are able to be.

I checked my e-mail at 9:3o and saw this –

Lookin’ all over for a note….(searching, searching,searching….) Nope no notes. You must be busy.

Headin’ back today.

Fuck! It was time-stamped an hour earlier. I froze in panic! I had really planned to have today and tomorrow, too. I needed to be at work by Noon and Awana’s curfew is also Noon (she works nights and has to sleep) so we kicked it into high gear.

Bless Awana, for she kept her cool and didn’t allow me to spiral into immobility. She joked and teased and said she felt “so subversive” with this secret mission 🙂

We weren’t able to take any furniture, but the fiddles, yarn, fiber and fabric stashes, my clothes and shoes (most important!) and computer/TV equipment are all safe in storage or inside Towanda. Well, except for the ton of stuff still in Awana’s van – she is a saint for allowing me to use her van as mobile storage until tomorrow.

M called my cell phone as we were tuning onto the highway for the last trip at 11:24. He didn’t “know if you’ll get this…” (my cell phone does not always ring in the shop) but he wanted to know if I’d taken the dog and if he should stop by here to take her out of my car on his way through town, but I will probably be home before him…Well, he’ll be here in 5 hours… Fuck, right?

I called The Boss and told him I would be late, and now this! The Boss has commitments today, so I can’t ask him to stay at the shop so I can cower in my new space, so here I sit, not knowing if M is going to stop here or not.

I left a note that went something like this:

Sorry to do it this way, but I feel I have no choice. I don’t want to see or talk to you right now. I will be back with a truck for the rest on Thursday. Please e-mail what time will be good. I would prefer you weren’t here. I’d appreciate it if you feed the rabbits – I will pick them up on Thursday.

If he stops at the shop first, he won’t see the note and leave me the fuck alone. Should I act “normal” if he does? My car is locked so he can’t take the dog without breaking a window, but if he looks inside he will see bedding and clothes in the back.

Kinda dreading what comes next, but so tired that I almost don’t care, ya know?

I think you’ll have to address it if he comes to the shop first. Otherwise it will just make it a hundred times worse if you act normal and then he goes to the house and sees the note. The confrontation is inevitable – may as well get it over with. I’ll be thinking of you during the next few days. Good luck and stay safe!

If he comes to the shop, like Tamara says address it then. For one thing it’s safer for you. Then it is over with for now. Go home to Towanda and relax for the night. It has been a long time coming. Now is not the time for panic. Stay strong and let us know you are all right later. Sending love and light.

Actually, the shop has been very busy and if it keeps up there will be plenty of people on the street when he shows up. 15 minutes or so to go – got another voice mail…Stomach churning, but I’ll do as Tamara says and tell him that he does not need to take the dog as we’ve moved out. Then improvise from there. Wish me luck!

Good Luck! You’ve been so strong, you will be tonight too. My heart is with you.

Awana

January 21, 2013 at 3:22 am

If I had any doubts, they were washed away when I saw the reaction after the phone call–a complete lack of color in the face, and shaking in the hands–almost unable to dial the phone to call the Boss–thought she was going to keel over-I just wanted to get the hell out.

Thank you for being so calm and asking if there was anything we left behind that I couldn’t live without if we were not able to come back – that really made me remember that it’s all just Stuff and that the important things are my sanity and equipment and supplies to make money. Really brought me back down and made it easier to hustle and just get the hell out.