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It drives me nuts how many people I see trying to FORCE a relationship. It’s the biggest time waster. Forcing a relationship gets you the exact opposite outcome that you’re trying to achieve!

Are you guilty of trying to force a relationship?

When you’re looking for love you must be open and honest. You must be open and honest not only with the person you’re dating but with yourself. If you’re not honest with yourself then you can’t be honest with the people you date. You’re basically just throwing darts at a board and hoping one hits the bullseye. How many times do you hit the bullseye when throwing darts? (This does not apply if you’re some sort of dart board champion)

When dating, it’s important to express your opinions without judging the other person. You should be open with what works for you and with what doesn’t work for you. Don’t apologize for what you need and how you feel. Also, don’t make another person feel badly if what you both need doesn’t line up. You don’t have to be a demanding jerk about it, but you do need to know what you need. Don’t push someone to be someone they’re not. Don’t try to make someone feel a certain way. Don’t expect that everyone you meet and date will have the same belief structure that you do. You also must mean what you say and be able to back it up. You have to be willing and able to say “That’s okay if that’s what you need, but that doesn’t work for me.”

Sometimes people just don’t know what the HELL they want. So what do they do? They use and abuse you while they try to figure it out. They string you along or worse they try to tell you that something is wrong with YOU. It’s total BS.

WARNING: This is NOT a lovely dovey and all people are generally good post today! What I say is super blunt, but let me tell you I’ve been on both sides of the equation. I’ve been the one used and the one using! Yep, I’ve even been a user. Was I bad person? Nope. I just needed to get my act together and I was too immature to know it.

I’ve heard too much lately of people taking advantage of others and it infuriates me. Hence this week’s rant…

Enough is enough.

This goes for both men and women because as we know both can be real jerks. You will notice that I use he and she interchangeably throughout the post since this is NOT gender specific.

I had too many calls this week with subscribers who are dating people that are NOT treating them well. Maybe they aren’t total jerks but they are NOT showing up to the relationship.

These people need to show up or ship out! I give a few scenarios of what I’ve encountered this week in hopes that it will do one of two things for you:

You will wake up if YOU are being used and abused. You will realize it and begin to stick up for yourself! Value yourself and don’t let people take advantage of you. The sooner you begin to stick up for yourself, the sooner you will find someone special.

You will stop being selfish if you’re the one using and abusing. Listen, I’ve been there. If you suspect you’re guilty of the below, then please stop and self-reflect. You’re better than that. Treat people how you want to be treated. Please grow up.

Below are three scenarios of the types of jerks I’ve heard about this week…

Sometimes I think I’m weird when I remember how I would feel after a romantic relationship ended. What I mean is that while most people were sad and depressed after a breakout, I was kind of excited. Don’t get me wrong, I was sad about the relationship ending, but it wasn’t all doom and gloom for me. That’s sounds crazy, I know. I think deep down I knew that the relationship ending meant that better things were in store for me.

It meant that I was choosing myself over another person who possibly did not have my best interest at heart. Perhaps that person and I just weren’t a good fit long term. Maybe he was a jerk! Maybe it was devastating but it meant I had more options now than I had before. After all, I was leaving with more relationship experience then I had going into it. I learned more about myself in the process. I was coming out smarter and better armed for finding the person who was right for me.

Rather than focus on the loss I chose to focus on what I now had to gain. I could literally rewrite my future in a sense. This made me feel powerful. I could focus on what I really want out of life and how that relates to the partner that I choose to have in my life.

It made me evaluate what was working and what was not working. It also made me think about what I truly wanted out of life. I was excited because now I had a chance to find it again. Happiness was an option again now that I was out of a bad relationship. Maybe I’m an optimist by heart, but I don’t think so.

Do nice guys really finish last? I think the saying should be “With nice guys it will actually last!” I’ve heard a lot of men complain about how women always go for the bad guys, the jerks, the players. Listen, I get it. I used to do this myself! Here’s why…

Women want the alpha male. Whether we realize it or not, we’re attracted to the alpha male. We’re attracted to alpha male qualities, characteristics and therefore the behaviors of alpha males. The problem? It takes us a while to realize the baboon alpha males from the evolved ones! Seriously, this is why most girls when they’re young date the jerks. We’re simply still learning how to decipher between the true alpha male and the guy who “acts” like an alpha male.

Ladies, you know what I mean. When we’re younger we like the bad guys. We’re intrigued by them. We like the guys who are confident and even cocky. We’re too young and inexperienced to appreciate the difference between an evolved alpha male and one that simply likes to beat his chest!

How Do You Tell the Difference?

There are certain alpha male qualities that are attractive to women. Here’s my take on what is an evolved alpha male versus the baboon who’s a legend in his own mind.

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The advice offered in this blog is intended for informational purposes only. Use of this blog is not intended to replace or substitute for any professional, medical, legal, or other professional advice. If you have specific concerns or a situation in which you require professional, psychological or medical help, you should consult with an appropriately trained and qualified specialist. The opinions or views expressed in this blog are not intended to treat or diagnose; nor are they meant to replace the treatment and care that you may be receiving from a licensed professional, physician or mental health professional. This blog and its author are not responsible for the outcome or results of following any advice in any given situation. You, and only you, are completely responsible for your actions. This website is not intended to be viewed by minors or anyone under the age of 18. By entering this site, you are agreeing that you are over the age of 18.