Playing In Poundland

I heard “Daft Punk Is Playing At My House” playing in Poundland
And I’ve nothing against Poundland, I just don’t want that to happen to me
So I’ve listed out all of this song’s terms and conditions
To which, by listening to any part of it, you automatically agree

First off, this song may not be played in supermarkets
In malls, or on the high street, or in outlet villages on the edge of town
…and you can’t just record a different version
This song may not be covered by Radiohead, X-Factor contestants, or ukelele players
Or anyone appearing on the Radio One Live Lounge

This song may not accompany TV montages
As a clumsy indicator of the mood that the narrator wants to set
This song may not advertise Apple iPods, [insert “topical” reference], or mobile phone network talk-time tariffs
That imply that they provide some state of mystical telepathic communion with everyone you’ve ever met

And people say “Well, aren’t you restricting your audience?”
And I say “Yes, but I’m keeping all my self-respect”
And record labels say that the market today won’t want quite this degree of self-referentiality anyway
And I say “Who knows what will be in fashion next?”

This song may not be the backing for wacky Youtube videos of pets, extreme sports, or troops shooting civilians
It’s not part of any Facebook campaign, petition, or quiz
This song may not be put in a powerpoint as a towering example of the power of social media
Particularly if by some unlikely quirk of fate it actually is

This song may not appear on any Top Gear CD of Essential Driving Anthems
It’s not streamable in Grand Theft Auto, playable in Guitar Hero, or available in Simlish, the made-up language of The Sims
This song may not be compared by reviewers to either Thou Shalt Always Kill or The Revolution Will Not Be Televised
Unless it’s telling everyone they also ought to listen to them

And people say “You can’t control your work once it’s out there”
And I say “Hey, has anyone really tried?”
And music supervisors, and X-Factor contestants, and shopkeepers ask: Am I seriously suggesting that all these things should now take place in a tense, awkwardly expectant silence?
And I say, really that’s between you and LCD Soundsystem, I’m just trying to draw a line

And Daft Punk Is Playing (Daft Punk Is Playing)
Daft Punk Is Playing (Daft Punk Is Playing)
Daft Punk Is Playing (Daft Punk Is Playing)
Daft Punk Is Playing (Daft Punk Is Playing)
And I’ve nothing against Poundland (nothing against Poundland)
I’ve nothing against Poundland (nothing against Poundland)
I’ve nothing against Poundland (nothing against Poundland)
I’ve nothing against Poundland
I just don’t want that to happen to me