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Sunday, December 18, 2011

Scandals etc

In order to increase viewing figures in the pre-Christmas book buying season, I have been advised to 'spice things up a bit' and run a few more racy articles. So here's what you can look forward to:

"My Booze Hell!" in which Frank battles the traffic on a desperate trip to Waitrose, hoping to snap up a box of six bottles of Prosecco that are on special offer. Roadworks, lack of parking and the self-service checkout compound his inner turmoil. In the follow-up article, provisionally entitled "My Drugs Shame", Frank describes his feelings of intense disappointment when, after walking through the wind and rain with a runny nose and a chesty cough, the local chemist has run out of Paracetamol.

"Chalk out of the closet!" The first in a series of DIY articles, where I demonstrate how to construct a built in wardrobe.

"Dirty Housewives at Home"Frank's neighbors clean up the mess after their husbands throw one helluva block party.

"Kiddy Fiddling"the grandchildren's experiences with their new meccano/lego/whatever set

"Hard scraping one-handed at work"Frank demonstrates how to write on a classroom blackboard without breaking the chalk

"The Day the prettiest little girl in my class let me run my fingers through her hair"Tips for emergency cleanup when wicked little Billy Jones sits behind Mary Jane & dips her pigtails into his inkwell

"Getting it up without help"How one person can get that Christmas Tree into place in the corner of the Lounge Room