Friday, September 30, 2011

Where Does The Time Go?

I know it’s been awhile, but it’s been getting harder finding the time to post these days.

In between the commotion at work, my daughter just starting 2nd grade, my son growing too fast, and all of the extra time I spend playing games on my “Fakebook” account -- my phony Facebook account where I’m a 72 year old bee farmer from Norway – there just doesn’t seem to be enough time in the day anymore.

What I’ve been up to:

Screw the Environment – Wipe Your Butt!My daughter started second grade this school year and they’ve been getting a little more environmentally conscious in the curriculum.Things went a bit too far recently when after my daughter ran out of the bathroom and I asked, as I normally do, “did you wash your hands and wipe your butt?” she said, “No! That’s wasting trees and water!”

My Wife’s Mutant Chiropractor is on YouTube?My wife started appointments with a “wholistic chiropractor” over the summer. I don’t like him. The guy is a freak and looks like a creepy, even more mutant, version of Wolverine.

She convinced me to go to one of his 3-hour seminars where he pretty much claimed he could cure anything from bad breath to preventing an asteroid hitting the earth through the magic of chiropractor arts and his adamantium hands.

16-Months Old With Super Chubby Legs and CheeksI have a problem. I can’t stop squeezing my sons cheeks and squeezing his chubby legs. I can’t help it, he’s squishy.

Questions To Ask a Prospective NannyWe scrambled last month trying to find a new nanny for our kids as our last one decided she didn’t want to be a nanny anymore; she wanted to be a nail salon receptionist instead.My daughter put together a few questions to add in the interview process...

What’s your favorite color and is it purple?

Do you have a cat and can you bring it with you because my Daddy won’t let me get one.

How often will you take me and my baby brother to Jamba Juice? (local smoothie place)

Have you ever seen [the movie] Xanadu?

What games do you have on your iPhone?

What would you name a horse that’s purple?

Hitting Rock-Bottom…I recently let my gym membership expire after 10 years. I was going pretty consistently 4-5 times a week for years and was quite proud of myself, even to the point of doing a couple of 5K and 10K’s. But got burned out and with work, the kids, the fakebook games, everything else that going on, I didn’t rush to get another one. Until…

I was waiting for my wife in the car, while at her appointment with Wolverine, and an old gym friend walked and saw me stuffing my face with (delicious) KFC popcorn chicken and fries.

I signed up for another gym shortly thereafter. Then my wife said Wolverine offered to help cure my KFC addition.