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What if your life starts to resemble what you see in these ‘drama’ movies?

What if you realize that for the past few months, you have been living a lie?

What if you come to the realization that the near-to-none attention you used to get and that smile which you thought you had brought was all plastic?

What if you were exposed to the harsh reality that ‘you have been a big mistake’ ?

and…

What if you get this shot of reality from none other but the woman you have decided to spend the rest of your life with?

ouch!

double ouch!

infact thunderstruck, not once or twice but multiple times in a span of half an hour.

…well I have always wanted to marry the man with whom i get emotional vibes… and when you are with that person you can do anything and sacrifice everything to stay with that person… Why do you think i would jump off a plane tied to a parachute from 33000 feet? Why do you think I would ride a kayak in one of the most dangerous rivers of the world? Why would you think i would take up career that takes me to places instead of settling for a desk job? ??? … All because I wanted to live a life that i have dreamt of, and I will not settle for anything less. and my dream doesn’t has provision for ending up living my life with someone whom my parents want me to live with.

She did the talking and i switched my phone from one ear to other… trying to wipe off the sweat from my forehead and in the mean time trying to comprehend what i was listening to was no joke.

You build your whole life around a relationship by using one simple concept: “Acceptance”. This is the very foundation that allows people to build skyscrapers in the course of their lives that contain their whole joys, sorrows, past and future. In my case, my building just crumbled down upon me because i was late to realize that half of the foundation stones were not stones but hollow blocks of sand.

It has been ten days, and now I have started to stumble back on my feet. The initial sting, that got me all stunned for the time being is finally giving way to pain…and sorrow. Is there a way to ‘undo’ all this? Perhaps not. No matter how much our elders try, but my half defunct mind would not be able to erase what I had heard time and time again – The echoes of which still haunts me at night. This does nothing but saddens me and sometimes makes me blame myself that I might have done a little more. But as a counter argument, a voice says “If your issue has been as fundamental as ‘Acceptance’ of a person, then why say Yes at the first place? Why waste precious time of yours and mine? Why make an asshole out of a fool like me?”

So, whatever it may have been, I’ll have to come to terms with what i have now – regrets and insomnia – and they both are terrible friends.

Now that i lay a fallen man coming to his senses, i can only laugh at myself and say: “Sahi Chutya banaya tum ne dost, sahi chutya banaya!”

P.S: This is an unofficial statement. My status is still ‘committed’ as no official announcement has been made. Dont know what miracle are we waiting for? If a miracle happens, it better wipe out my memory of that fateful evening otherwise its of no use.

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Author

I wanted to be Rambo once, then I wanted to be Voltron and defend the universe but fate brought me to IT field. So, here I am, a Technology Consultant from Pakistan involved in Software Development, Project Management and Mentoring.I love knowledge so i always tend to seek from others and share my experiences. I love Rock/Metal music and try to watch a movie daily.