Four-Letter Words

Over the summer I had the pleasure of performing at the Pepsico Theater in Purchase, NY. Less than an hour from the city, Purchase is the home of Pepsico's corporate headquarters. I had been hired to write for an in-house Pepsi talent show and volunteered to warm up the crowd with a short stand-up set. Writers and comics tend to get all kinds of gigs. Sometimes you're at a club, sometimes you're at a studio, and sometimes you're in a large corporate auditorium. It's all part of the life. And this was the type of gig that I liked -- a few hundred people who all more or less knew each other and all shared a common experience: they work for Pepsi.

This means that there should be plenty of inside jokes to make -- the kind of jokes that are guaranteed to get laughs and applause. You know, like when a band shouts the name of the city where they are performing: "Hello Albuquerque!" It doesn't matter if the band sounds like a gaggle of dying cats, when you shout out the name of your host city, they applaud like you are Elvis.

So, as I am thinking about what to say for the opening for the Pepsi show, I am thinking that this should be a piece of cake. Or in their case, a piece of Twinkies, or Swiss Roll or whatever Frito-Lay snack-like product they sell. I figured that I could riff with the crowd a little, trash their competitor a bit and then just say the word "Pepsi" -- they'll go nuts and I'll exit on a big laugh.

Showtime arrives, the theater fills up and I make my way onto the stage. It starts off perfectly. I begin with a roll call of all of the different departments in the crowd. "Let's hear it from sales! How about H.R? Where are all the marketing folks? You see how good they are at their job? There may only be a dozen of them here but they have me convinced that there are hundreds..." Big laugh. Marketing people love it when you acknowledge them.

I'm a clean comic. But I decided to drop a four letter word -- I was going to say "Coke."

Now was the right time to break out my four letter word. Don't get me wrong -- I'm a clean comic. When I perform, I aim for laughs from the material, and not from off color topics or language. But at this performance I decided that I was going to drop a four letter word. Yes indeed, I was going to say "Coke." I was prepared for the possibility of a few scattered boos. But that would be part of the fun. I'm in Pepsi-country, everyone loves to trash Coke!

I went into a bit about the people who named the new Coke Zero. I said, "Apparently these guys were wondering ‘what are the chances that anyone would drink that garbage?' so they decided just to write it on the can!" Sure, not my best joke ever... but this is the home crowd, it should kill!

Crickets.

A woman in the front says, "We don't use that word here." They don't say Coke? It was just at that point that I spotted Indra Nooyi in the audience. Indra Nooyi, the soon to be new CEO of Pepsico...and the fourth most powerful woman in the world according to Forbes Magazine. It was a less than comfortable moment for me.

Attempting to maintain my poise I said, "We don't say Coke here? Ahem... how about Generic Cola beverage?" Light applause. "Or should I say, far inferior generic cola beverage...?" Bigger applause... "I'm sorry, what I meant was, far inferior generic cola beverage made from sewage and unfit for human consumption!" And with that, I won back the audience with my sneaky use of comedic reverse psychology.

On the flight home from New York I had a few hours to reflect upon my experience at Pepsi. I couldn't help but think about my teachers in Jewish day school who advised us against "lashon harah" or speaking ill of others. On a personal level, the concept makes sense, but isn't it impossible to practice in the business world?

In business, it's all about your product, and when you're talking soft drinks, you're basically looking at Pepsi vs. Coke. So how do you advertise your product? Well, it only seems natural that you would say: the competition's product stinks, so don't buy it. That's why I thought my joke at Coke's expense would go over well. I assumed that Pepsi people probably knock Coke all of the time. But the culture at Pepsico is to stress the quality of their product, rather than the inferiority of Coke's.

In many ways, what happened at the Pepsi show was an example of the old adage, "If you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all." The people at Pepsi reminded me that you don't have to put others down to bring yourself up. Even in the cutthroat business world the laws of lashon harah can be respected.

Much like the goal of many of their beverages, it was refreshing to see morality in the corporate world. A world that normally gets press for their unethical behavior. We all face competition in our lives. It might do us good to take a page out of Pepsi's book and concentrate on our own qualities rather than on other's shortcomings.

Truth be told, I don't really drink Pepsi, or even Coke for that matter. I could explain why, but I want to avoid any possible lashon harah – even though it's only an 11 letter word... alright, it's two words...What do you want from me? I am a comedian not a mathematician!

Featured at Aish.com:

About the Author

Dan Messinger has been a comedian since elementary school, though he scorned the title of class clown, preferring "Class Jester." He has performed at numerous comedy clubs and college campuses across the country and his handiwork has been seen on TLC, Spike TV, Style Network, DIY, and a variety of other channels that you surf through on the way to HBO. He lives in Los Angeles with his wife and 5 1/2 month son. If you’re interested in contacting and or hiring Dan you can do so via his website www.funnymandan.com.

The opinions expressed in the comment section are the personal views of the commenters. Comments are moderated, so please keep it civil.

Visitor Comments: 6

(6)
LucienMarcelet,
December 24, 2006 10:12 PM

Pepsi badmouthing their rival, never!

The badmouthing thing was tried by a very sorry advertising team 'selling' Chiclets chewing gum by showing actors making fun of stick type gum by holding the stick up and twisting it around, intimating that no one in their right mind would chew such a thing. This evidently backfired big time, and so it should have. Customers don't want to hear what you think about your competition. This then has nothing to do with corporate ethics but is simply smart marketingLucien

(5)
JudyFulda,
December 17, 2006 10:07 PM

no qualms to speak up

We can also learn from this that if someone has a conviction one must not have any qualms about speaking up.How many of us work w/others who use real four letter words and are afraid to say, "I don't listen to that kind of language."?

(4)
Joseph5767,
December 7, 2006 1:35 PM

poignant

Nice article. Truth always seems to be so simple. toda raba Daniel!

(3)
Anonymous,
December 4, 2006 10:20 AM

Other business morals from Pepsi

Pepsi also did something else recently to show their business morals. When some insiders at Coca-Cola offered to sell Pepsi some inside information, Pepsi contacted Coca-Cola, and the people were turned over to the police.

(2)
BobBurg,
December 4, 2006 6:41 AM

Excellent Article

This article had a great lesson regarding lashon hora, but it also had one more thing; a fine example of humility. Mr. Messinger admitted a mistake he made and allowed all of us to learn from it. THAT is a fine example of a person doing G-d's work. May he be richly rewarded and blessed for it.

(By the way, just reading some of his material from earlier in the article, for instance: getting applause just by mentioning the diferent departments - yes, it really is like mentioning the city - and his joke about marketing - it's also obvious that he's very talented. I'm going to check out his website.)

(1)
Yaacov,
December 3, 2006 9:59 AM

Surface morality

He says the culture of this company is to stress THEIR product's quality and not degrade the other's. But then why did he "win back the audience" with all those gregarious albeit generic put-downs?? It seems their verbal kashrus was merely surface.

I want to know about the concept of "sin" due to Adam and Eve eating from the Tree of Knowledge. The Christian concept of sin revolves around the fall of the man and the "original sin." Does Judaism view it the same way?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Adam and Eve were punished according to their actions. In other words, God laid down the conditions for Adam and Eve to live in the garden, provided they would not eat from the Tree of Knowledge. However, if they were to eat from that tree they would be punished by experiencing death. (If they had not eaten from the tree, they would have remained immortal.)

This sets down the basic principle in Judaism of Reward and Punishment. Basic to this is that every person has the choice of doing good or bad. When a person chooses "good" – as defined by God – he is able to draw close to God. In other words, every individual has a chance to "gain salvation" through his own actions.

My understanding of Christianity, however, is that the Original Sin has infected all of mankind to the point where individuals are incapable of achieving salvation through their own initiative. Man is "totally depraved" and therefore his only hope of salvation is through the cross.

This belief is contrary to the teachings of Judaism. From the Torah perspective, an individual does not need to rely on anyone else to atone for them. In Judaism, sins can be "erased" altogether by sincere repentance and a firm resolution never to repeat the mistakes.

For more on this, read "Their Hollow Inheritances" by Michael Drazin – www.drazin.com

Yahrtzeit of Moses in 1273 BCE (Jewish year 2488), on the same day of his birth 120 years earlier. (Consequently, "May you live to 120" has become a common Jewish blessing.) Moses was born in Egypt at a time when Pharaoh had decreed that all Jewish baby boys be drowned in the Nile River. His mother set him afloat in a reed basket, where he was -- most ironically -- discovered by Pharaoh's daughter and brought to Pharaoh's palace to be raised. When Moses matured, his heart turned to aid the Jewish people; he killed an Egyptian who was beating a Jew, and he fled to Midian where he married and had two sons. God spoke to Moses at the Burning Bush, instructing him to return to Egypt and persuade Pharaoh to "let My people go." Moses led the Jews through the ten plagues, the Exodus, and the splitting of the Red Sea. Seven weeks later, the Jews arrived at Mount Sinai and received the Torah, the only time in human history that an entire nation experienced Divine revelation. Over the next 40 years, Moses led the Jews through wanderings in the desert, and supervised construction of the Tabernacle. Moses died before being allowed to enter the promised Land of Israel. He is regarded as the greatest prophet of all time.

Lack of gratitude is at the root of discontent. In order to be consistently serene, we must master the attribute of being grateful to the Creator for all His gifts. As the Torah (Deuteronomy 26:11) states, "Rejoice with all the good the Almighty has given you." This does not negate our wanting more. But it does mean that we have a constant feeling of gratitude since as long as we are alive, we always have a list of things for which to be grateful.

[Just before Moses' death] God said to him, "This is the Land that I promised to Abraham, to Isaac, and to Jacob" (Deuteronomy 34:4).

The Midrash says that Moses pleaded to live long enough to be able to enter the Promised Land. He surrendered his soul only after God instructed him to enter Heaven and inform the Patriarchs that the Israelites had come to their Land and that God had indeed fulfilled His promise to give the Land of Israel to their descendants. To fulfill God's will was dearer to Moses than his craving to enter the Land.

It is only natural to cling to life, and the thought of leaving this world is depressing. However, if a person develops the attitude that he lives only in order to fulfill God's will, then life and death are no longer polar opposites, because he lives to do the will of God, and when that will requires that he leave this world, he will be equally obedient.

The seventh day of Adar is the anniversary of Moses' death. He wanted to enter the Promised Land so that he could fulfill the commandments and thereby have a new opportunity to fulfill the Divine wish. He surrendered his soul willingly when he was told that there was a special commandment for him to perform, one that could only be achieved after leaving this earth.

We refer to Moses as Rabbeinu, our teacher. He not only taught us didactically, but by means of everything he did in his life - and by his death, as well.

Today I shall...

try to dedicate my life to fulfilling the will of God, so that even when that will contradicts my personal desires, I can accept it with serenity.

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