Of course I smoke crack, says Boris

Following the moving confession by Toronto’s mayor that he had dabbled in crack, Boris Johnson admitted that he too was partial to the invigorating substance.

He said: “Obviously I smoke crack, or ‘the mayor’s friend’ as I prefer to call it.

“London life is all about highs and lows – the incredible euphoria of shopping on Bond Street, the crushing despair of living in a Wood Green bedsit.

“I tried understanding the city by reading lots of Peter Ackroyd books, but they didn’t really give me those extreme emotions like crack does.

“Also it gives me great ideas, like my plan to build an airport in the middle of a river.”

Political analyst Julian Cook said: “Illegal drugs make up 40 per cent of London’s economy and 100 per cent of its recreational activity, so it’s logical that we have a mayor who is an out-and-proud basehead.”

Londoner Joanna Kramer said: “That’s why I voted for Boris, because he’s sweaty and unkempt which in my impressionable mind equates to personality.

“I don’t mind if he smokes crack, he earns a good salary so he should be able to keep it together.”

Boris Johnson added: “I’m not ashamed to be a man of the people. You think I live in a big fancy house in West London, actually it’s a squat with all the copper stripped out and pigeons nesting in the bathroom.”