“We can take almost anything that hurts and recycle it into something good once we’re ready to learn from it.” ~ Lori Deschene in Tiny Buddha: Simple Wisdom for Life’s Hard Questions

Are you in pain and desperately want to stop hurting?

Do you wonder how to make sense of life and how to make yours more meaningful?

Do you ever feel like happiness lingers in the shadows of your life just out of reach?

Have you struggled to overcome, or cope, or accomplish but felt like life was passing you by … or beating you up … or laughing at you?

Or perhaps it’s just that you would like things to be a bit better than they are now: less pain, more meaning, deeper happiness, more confidence, inner peace and intimacy.

Lori’s Wisdom

(To purchase your own copy, just click on the book image above! It would make the perfect Holiday and New Year gift!)

Lori Deschene of the hugely popular blog, Tiny Buddha, has written an amazing book that deals with just those kinds of questions and concerns. She addresses such hard questions with grace and wisdom in Tiny Buddha: Simple Wisdom for Life’s Hard Questions.

Her story is a compelling one that she weaves seamlessly into the book, underscoring the wisdom that populates this must-read. In short, Lori has created an essential read for every serious student of personal development. It’s just one of those books that should be on your shelf, period.

NOTE: I will be giving away two free copies of Lori’s book, Tiny Buddha, in a random drawing next Thursday (12/29). Look for details at the end of this post for a chance to win!

The following interview will shed light on that wisdom and give you a taste for why her blog is so popular and why Tiny Buddha is an important book, especially for this holiday season as we prepare to enter a brand new year!

For my readers who may not know you, Lori, how would you briefly describe who you are, what you do, and why you do it?

I run a website called tinybuddha.com. I launched the site in the fall of 2009 after tweeting daily quotes for a little more than a year. My goal with the site was to create a community blog, where anyone of any age from any location could share a story about overcoming adversity and applying the wisdom quotes to everyday life.

It was important to me that Tiny Buddha became a place where people feel comfortable sharing what they’ve been through and what they’re going through to help themselves and each other. This is something that’s made a tremendous difference in my life.

When I was younger I carried around a lot of pain and shame, and I always felt alone. Worse, I felt like I had to hide my challenges and imperfections to be liked and accepted, which made most of my connections superficial and unfulfilling.

I eventually realized that I feel most empowered when I’m honest about both my struggles and successes, and focus on lessons learned so that I’m able to grow, move forward, and help other people do the same thing. I believe this is why people write for the site. In this way, we all connect on a meaningful level and grow together.

One of the factors that made Tiny Buddha so powerful was how very personal you were sharing intimate details about your own struggles and challenges. How do you interpret your past today?

For the most part, I look back on my past with pride. It’s not because I’m proud of everything I’ve done. I made a lot of massive mistakes that I would not make if I were to go back. But I’m proud of the fact that I’ve grown so much over the years; and I’m also proud because I’ve done something valuable with some events that were quite painful when I experienced them.

It’s the silver lining to pain: we can always recycle our hurts into something useful if we leverage them to help other people. I’ve failed many times in my life, and I know I will fail again, but I aim to maintain a winning attitude by learning from those experiences and helping people with what I’ve learned.

You say we can’t control whether we hurt, but that “we can control how long we endure it and what we do with it.” I like that. Could you elaborate?

Sure! Pain is inevitable in life. Everything is impermanent, so we will ultimately lose things that matter to us—including jobs, relationships, and people we love. We can let every loss make us bitter, and stay stuck dwelling on what was, or we can learn from each one and empower ourselves to create what could be.

We will all hurt because we are all human, but we have a choice to fully feel what we need to feel, and then let go and move forward a little wiser. Jean-Paul Sartre wrote, “Freedom is what you do with what’s been done to you.” This is where we have control: what we do from this point forward.

As long as we’re still breathing, there are always possibilities in tomorrow. Every ending paves the way for a new beginning.

You explore the question of the meaning of life in some detail. What advice would you give someone struggling to find meaning in life who’s reading this interview right now?

My advice is to replace the word “find” with “create.” When we try to find meaning, we seek it outside ourselves, as if it’s something we need to chase and attain. When we focus on creating meaning, it’s more about our everyday choices. It empowers us to focus on what really matters to us, and then identify ways we can honor those things, starting right now.

I like that distinction. What was your biggest obstacle to finding happiness?

My biggest obstacle was looking for answers outside myself. For a long time, I thought happiness was something I’d experience someday—when I got the perfect job, or found a fulfilling relationship, or somehow created ideal conditions in my life. I also assumed that there would be a turning point when suddenly I’d be happy, as if it would be like hitting a light switch and permanently entering a positive state.

One thing that’s helped me is realizing happiness is a moment-to-moment choice, and there will inevitably be moments when I’m not happy. If I take it one moment at a time, and realize I always have a choice as to what I think and what I do, I’m more likely to be happier more often than not.

You suggest that positive thinking can feel negative with unrealistic expectations. This is an intriguing claim in a culture of positive-thinking platitudes. Could you explain what you meant?

In our culture, positive thinking is often touted as a means to an end. It’s the whole idea behind the law of attraction—that we can manifest what we want (or what we don’t want) through our thoughts. I personally think this can set us up for frustration, because we end up focusing on the outcome we’re trying to create instead of the state of my mind we want to nurture.

In my experience, positive thinking can be instrumental to happiness, if I also give myself permission to feel the full range of emotions, instead of thinking I need to stuff them down; and if I focus on doing the best I can with what’s in front of me instead of hoping my thoughts and attitude will attract something else.

This doesn’t mean our thoughts don’t influence what we attract in our lives; it’s just that we’re more apt to feel peaceful if we accept that the future is always uncertain, and then focus on the here and now.

Do you have any advice for someone who wants to change a self-defeating belief and hasn’t yet been able to?

What helps me is to continually question and challenge the beliefs I’ve accepted as fact. I’ve recently been working to release some limiting beliefs about money. In my early 20s, after I got involved with a network marketing company that, unbeknownst to me, scammed a lot of people out of their savings, I formed the belief that pursuing money is bad. This limits what I can do, personally and professionally.

I started challenging this belief by recognizing when I formed it and why, and then questioning the payoff in holding onto it. (Which is: I don’t need to feel like I am a bad person.) Now whenever I recognize I’m holding myself back through this belief, I remind myself of the payoff of letting it go: I can continue to expand to Tiny Buddha, I can help other people more effectively, I can live a little more comfortably, and I can plan for my eventual retirement.

Finally, if there was only one principle or message my readers were to take away from your book, what would you want it would be?

We have immense power to shape our lives if we learn from the past, focus on what is in our control, and then do something about it right now.Thank you, Lori.

Lori has made two hard-cover copies of Tiny Buddha: Simple Wisdom for Life’s Hard Questions available for a giveaway!

How to win a copy of Lori’s AWESOME, inspiring and life-changing book:

1. To enter to win a free copy, just leave a comment below by telling us what in life inspires you. That’s all.
2. But if you would like an additional entry, Tweet this post.
3. Share on Facebook (and let me know you Shared it) for a 3rd entry.
4. Subscribe for a 4th entry.

By doing all 4 (Comment, Tweet, Share, Subscribe) you quadruple the odds of winning!!!

The random drawing will take place a week from the post date.

Awesome news:

Click on the affiliate ad below to check out the new program created by some of the biggest names in personal development. It just may be the answer you’ve been looking for!

When I gaze into the picture above, I can almost feel the ocean breeze and sprays of the salty brine. And there are few things on earth that give comfort to an aching soul like gazing out to sea. Great choice.

I like Lori’s approach to dealing with pain from the past, and making good from it. When held tight inside, that pain can severely limit a person’s life.

It’s a beautiful picture. Such a talent to capture natural beauty that way! I can sit on the beach and look out over the waves and almost feel the undulating rhythm of the waves for hours. It’s so relaxing. It’s fun to see how perspectives change over time. When we were kids, the beach was a place to go have fun. A little later it became the best place in town to check out girls. Now it’s a place of tranquility. To be older and wiser.

Thanks for the chance to win a copy of the book! It sounds wonderful. Nature really inspires me – it relaxes me and inspires calm. Also, meditation is a huge source of inspiration for me as well.Wendy Irene recently posted … Happiness Comes from Giving Love

And while they can sometimes inspire something less than joy in me, they certainly can make me feel like the future will be in good hands. There are so many of them who get so involved in church and school service activities and projects, joining Key Club and Red Cross Club, spending so much of their already harried time serving others.

Paddling out to very crowded Honolua Bay and not really caring if I get a wave to myself or not as I am in awe of the natural beauty of the Bay, and then, as if by some minor miracle, a wave comes and I am in the right spot and I get to experience the joy of surfing at one of the miracles on earth–Honolua Bay!

Love it, Lori! How old are yours? I have a married daughter whose goodness and kindness and love for others is an inspiration. I also have a 5 year-old whose energy-filled embrace of life is inspiring as well.

That covers it all! And so true. When we really think about it and open our eyes wide enough to really see it, to take it all in, life becomes nothing short of a continual series of little and large miracles. Life is, in fact, miraculous. Thank you for that simple but inspiring observation, Sabrina!

I am truly inspired by other people. Sometimes it is people I know and sometimes they are total strangers. But I’ve found that if I pay attention to each person I come in contact with every day, I am presented with new knowledge or perspective and a chance to share my love and wisdom with others. That’s inspiring!!

I love your openness to what others bring to an encounter. What an amazing way to greet the world. Even those who may cut us off on the freeway or treat us rudely are really providing us with an opportunity to see ourselves reflected from another perspective. Or perhaps they provide us with an opportunity to love someone who’s not making it easy.

Valinda, my heart and prayers go out to you and your son. I have always been deeply moved by the way so many children and their parents have come to deal with trials like that. I truly hope you find comfort and peace and all the help you need wherever you’re needing it.

The simple things are the most constant one too. Imagine life without sun or kindness or laughter! Thanks for sharing those with us, Valinda!

Perfect, Chris! My little boy is certainly uninhibited. We were out shopping the other day when he, in all his 5 year-old uninhibited glory, broke out in a funky little dance that was cracking everyone up! And it’s amazing how much they absorb. Do you have kids?

I like that, Brad: “meaning is mostly of my choosing.” So true. How we interpret life determines what it will mean to us. But you did say “mostly.” I like that too because I personally believe there is inherent meaning to life, that life has intrinsic value, not simply the value we place on it.

Thank you for your kind words, Brad. Lori’s story is definitely compelling. I admire her openness with her life as a story of both high and low roads traveled. We can learn lots from her. I hope you get her book whether won or purchased. As someone who has read it, I can testify that it is well worth the price.

Thank you for the chance to win this book. I am inspired by nature, especially the ocean; and by my children and others around me. I have met a lot of inspiring people online via social media (LinkedIn, Twitter, Facebook). I follow the Tiny Buddha blog, and I find that inspiring too.

Hi Jessica! I was glad to interview Lori. She’s an amazing person with an amazing story doing amazing work. I’m glad to make her book available. There are so many people who are so inspiring, aren’t there — and Lori not least among them!

I am inspired by the number of brave people around the world who, in 2011, finally made a stand against brutal dictators, corrupt systems, and soulless leaders. “They” are not all the same, “We all” are the same.

Thanks for swinging by. I’m also deeply inspired by their courage and total commitment to trying to carve out of their oppressed lives a degree of freedom that many of them have never experienced. I believe there is something in the human soul that longs for and thrives in freedom. I believe freedom is our natural estate, our proper environment. It is an inherent yearning that can only be deformed under generations of suppression. History is filled with people who stand up to dictators, systems and leaders and demand liberty. So yes, “we” are all the same.

I like to think of myself as a creative person. I was recently diagnosed with a slow growing type of cancer. Faced with my mortality I was initially shocked but have come a place of acceptance. I do not have for BS in my life, mine or others. I actually feel free. It is making life simpler.

I can’t imagine the sweep of emotions you must have gone through since finding out. I’ve read about others who’ve experienced similar sets of circumstances. Have you heard of the book by Randy Pausch called The Last Lecture? He had a similar diagnosis, it seems. I listened to it as a book on tape. Very moving. You might want to check it out.

I guess the bottom line is that it’s less important how LONG we live life than HOW we live it. I wish we all came to that conclusion under better circumstance! If only we all refused to accept ours or others’ BS in life.

Great one, Cindy! So true: To wake up again to experience another glorious day of life is such a blessing and an inspiration!

I’m inspired by other people’s photos, myself. I’m with you in the same boat when it comes to lacking any particular photographic skills. But one of my favorite things to do is to look through all the amazing photographic works of art in search of pictures to go with my posts. So inspiring — both the photos themselves and the photographer’s artistic ability to capture the subject!

That is a great line, Marianne! That’s the key, isn’t it? We can’t always stop what hurts, but we can put it to some use in our lives. That way, at least it isn’t arbitrary and random pain without rhyme or reason. It has some purpose, something it’s doing, something it’s making out of us as we experience it.

Thank you for the Christmas wishes,Marianne! Hope your Christmas is filled with love and peace and joy and lots and lots of great food! 🙂

I am greatly inspired by Nick Vujicic – his positivity and how he celebrates what life has to offer inspite of his disability. If he does not give up on himself, does not blame or bore hatred against life for his disability, all the more, we as able-bodied individuals, should not give up on life, even when the going gets tough. It is like what Lori mentioned in your interiew above, we have a choice to fully feel what we need to feel.

I have subscribed to your blog and shared your post on facebook as well. Have a Merry Christmas with your loved ones!!

Hi Jenny! Nick is an amazing guy, for sure. In a recent post called, “48 Things I’m Thankful for … that I bet are not on your list,” I included a link to one of his Youtube videos. But you’re right to recognize him as a source of inspiration. His whole life is an inspiration. Thank you for adding him here.

I wish you a wonderfully beautiful Christmas, Jenny. While I’m still trying to figure out how to get my subscription form working right, I’ll manually email my ebook to you in a few days. Thanks for your patience! … and for the comment!

That’s awesome, Tat. I deeply admire people with the ability to express so much through the movement of their bodies. Personally, I have two left feet, but am also inspired by those who have such control of their bodies.

Oh, I adore Lori and the Tiny Buddha. 🙂 Right now, well, this year really, has been awful. However, I know that I will be able to look back and see how much I’ve grown because of it. How important it was to experience all those things.

People inspire me. There are so many wonderful and inspiring people. Loving kindness, genuine sympathy, human emotions.

Yes, Lori is amazing. Sounds like 2011 knocked you around a bit, but it also sounds like you already hold the key to making sense of it all and using the challenges of the year to your good: learn the lessons it taught, as you’ve said. That’s the hard part AS the trial is being experienced, but the more we can recognize the growing opportunities WHILE we’re being challenged, the better we’ll be able to whether the storm.

It’s kind of silly how easily I can get teary eyed in a movie. But the kind of scene that gets to me the fastest are scenes of human decency, where love and compassion and kindness are being expressed, especially when they seem they would be the hardest to express in the circumstances. So I can definitely relate to what inspires you, Melissa.

Thanks for sharing that with us. And I sincerely hope next year will run more smoothly for you. 🙂

Ken,
First of congratulations for becoming the best personal development blogger of the year 🙂

To answer the question about inspiration. I am inspired by countless things, some of which are I experience or see in my daily life such as a green themed park or a spiritual music or by the smiling faces of my loved ones.

I love that you’re inspired by so many things you can’t count them. It is that basic attitude that is key to so much happiness in life. Some people look out at the world and see darkness and despair. And they wouldn’t be wrong for seeing it: It certainly exists. But others notice, almost instinctively, the flowers blooming in the cesspools of life. They see the inspiration of life all around them, blooming in the hearts and minds and lives of others in countless ways. They notice the small moments of inspiration where others don’t. They seek out inspiring experiences for the purpose of being inspired. And that just seems to be such a great way to live.

Thank you for commenting, Naveen. But most of all, thank you for sharing that attitude with us. I’m inspired by your ability to be so broadly inspired! 🙂

Dear Ken
Warm Greetings from India , State Of Kerala – City of Cochin
I am truly inspired by most of your writings …… however ……i am specially touched by the article on great fullness means finding things to be thankful for …..once i did as you did – I have found one hundred things to be thankfull to Gos all the time .. that includes my hair , colur ,, voice .. so on .. from that day .. my out look on life changed and transformed ………….. now I do’t complain …….. I feel more happy and content …….
thankd for reminding me …
God Bless
kindly send a copy of ” TINY BUDDHA”

Hi Godly, Thank you for your warm greetings. I send them back to you from the sunny shores of California.

I’m so glad you’ve found value in my writing. That really means a lot to me. It truly is amazing how revolutionary gratitude is on our happiness. I’m thrilled you found this to be true in your own life as well.

As for the Tiny Buddha contest, it’s been long over and the winners have already received their books.

Thanks for stopping by and sharing this profoundly important insight with us, Godly. Have a wonderful day!

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About Me

My name is Ken Wert, the founder of M2bH. My purpose here is to teach you how to live a richer life of greater purpose and meaning, of mind-blowing possibility and deeper, more soul-satisfying happiness than you ever dreamt was possible. Join us on this happy adventure as you learn how to unlock your hidden potential to enjoy the rewards of a life well lived. Read more ...