Wednesday, 2 August 2017

3 Ways I've Stopped Comparing Myself To Others.

Comparison really is the thief of joy.

For much too long now, I have taken part in the ugly game of comparison. Yep, I hold my hands up to it. I'm as guilty as they come. Now, I'll try not to be too hard on myself with this (and you shouldn't, either). After all, feelings of jealously and the tendency to compare ourselves to others is only human nature. Oftentimes, we can't help it. Do I even need to mention the fact that social media makes it so easy for us to do it, too? Because it does. It really does.

It's all too easy to admire the bikini-clad Insta-babes on their photoshoots in the Maldives whilst you're at home, melting into your sofa, all of sudden feeling your insecurities creeping up on you. It's all too easy to read about the successes of your peers and closest friends on social media and feel totally inferior. Twitter just informed you that Karen just received a promotion at work (plus one helluva pay-rise) and although you're totally happy for her, you can't ignore that niggling feeling that's trying to convince you that you haven't really achieved anything notable in months. Great.

Comparison really, really sucks. It's absolutely no secret that it does more harm than good. So, how do we stop doing it, if it's only human nature? Truth is, we're always going to have our moments of insecurity, our "everyone is doing so much better than I am" moments and those painfully familiar "I'm such a failure" moments. It's when you really dwell on that comparison that it becomes a trap. For so long, it made me totally miserable. Here's how I've broken the habit.

By remembering that others' successes are not my failures.

Okay, cool, Karen got that promotion. But that doesn't mean my time won't come. It's vitally important to keep in mind that every single person is on a totally different path, and it just isn't feasible for everyone to achieve the same things at the same time. Although you may convince yourself that everyone seems to be achieving "bigger and better" things; don't forget that success is subjective. What you deem as successful probably doesn't align with what I deem as successful. You might think a six-figure salary is successful, whereas someone else might count simply getting out of bed in the morning as a huge achievement; and that's okay. Stop allowing the achievements of others cloud your own; you're doing great.

By remembering that comparison is limiting.

What does comparison do for you? I mean, really, what does it do for you? I'll tell you what it does for me. It makes me sink a little further into my seat and feel totally miserable. It makes me doubt myself, it makes me downplay all of the things I achieve on a day-to-day basis. TL;DR: it makes me feel shit. And what is the result? Me dwelling on how shit I feel, how much of a failure I am and so on and so forth; instead of actually being productive. I become too focused on what everyone else is doing instead of focusing on myself. I fixate on looking like that beautiful girl on Instagram, or achieving what that person on Twitter is achieving; when in reality, I am me, not them. So instead, I turn it into inspiration. I acknowledge when someone is achieving wonderful things and use it as motivation to reach my own goals.

By consuming content carefully.

As I mentioned before, social media makes it really bloody easy for us to feel shit about ourselves in comparison to someone else. And sure, we're all aware by now that social media generally only shows the highlight reel of someone's day-to-day life. You won't find many people baring their warts 'n' all on their Instagram story. It's curated content, and from the outside looking in, there are those whose lives seem perfect. Now, we know that 99.9% of the time, that's not the case. Everyone has their own personal stuff going on behind their Instagram feed. Nevertheless, it doesn't make it any less difficult to see all of those perfect moments across your social media feeds all day, every day. That's when you have to consider whether the people you follow are genuinely inspiring you or making you feel totally mediocre and crap. You have control over the content you consume, so why continue to consume content that makes you feel so terrible?