LAW ENFORCEMENT; Learning About Violence From Those Who Know Best

Maureen L. seems in control of her life and her emotions, but looks can be deceiving. After being married to a man who beat her and verbally abused her for 10 years, she married another one in 1990. Even she cannot explain exactly how she ended up in the same dangerous place twice.

Maureen, who is now divorced, and four other women, who spoke on the condition that their full names not be used, told their stories last week to seasoned New Jersey state troopers. They were trying to help law enforcement officers understand one of the most difficult calls they have to answer: the cry for help in domestic violence.

''For a police officer, domestic violence is an explosive situation,'' said Barry A. Johnson, a former Englewood police officer and a licensed clinical psychologist specializing in domestic violence. ''It's unpredictable. The officer is on foreign soil, and often he is looked on as the enemy by both parties.''

Mr. Johnson and the five women were among the participants in two days of training for state troopers this month conducted by the Violence Institute of the University of Medicine and Dentistry of New Jersey at the State Police Academy here. The 50 troopers, stationed in rural areas of the state with no local police forces, are meant to serve as guides for other troopers in dealing with domestic violence.

Domestic violence calls are considered one of the two of the most dangerous situations for officers. (The other is traffic stops.) They can also be one of the most frustrating when officers are called back to the same house time after time to break up fights between spouses or lovers. Those calls often increase during holiday seasons, when excess drinking is common, but the pattern of abuse continues throughout the year, said Ellen Crowley, clinical coordinator of Comprehensive Victims Service at the medical college.

''We used to take bets on what time a call would come in from one woman because we could predict it,'' one trooper said. ''How are we supposed to have empathy in a situation like that?''

Another clearly frustrated trooper said: ''We aren't the answer to domestic violence. But women have to help themselves. As troopers, we are very decisive people. It is hard for us to deal with people who are indecisive.''

Xavier M., who said her former husband had resented her because she was more successful than he was, admitted calling the police eight times in one year. She said she had received very little help, ''maybe because I'm a big woman and they thought I could take care of myself.'' But she also said she did not know other help was available.

Not every woman reacts to an abusive situation the same way, and officers need to understand that, said Dr. Dula Pacquiao, an associate professor of anthropology at Kean University who specializes in cultural anthropology. ''There are so many different cultures in New Jersey,'' she said. ''You can't expect the same things from women from different cultures.

''For an Asian woman, who is taught to never talk about problems, calling the police takes a lot of guts. Police need to be sensitive to cultural differences.''

Battering is not a one-time explosion of emotions caused by alcohol or drugs; nor is the man unaware of what he is doing, Ms. Crowley said. An abusive husband may have spent years convincing a woman he is all-powerful.

''The abuse is a cycle of violence that is the result of a conscious decision made by a man who wants to control a woman,'' she said. ''In these situations, the woman is falling in love with the image of the man, and falling in love with love. The man is falling in love with his power over her.''

Janet C. ''used to retreat to my room, and my husband would shut off the lights when he came home so I wouldn't use his electricity,'' she told the troopers, wiping away tears. ''He made me believe I'd never make it on my own and that he would take my children. I didn't realize how much help is out there.''

Ms. Crowley said: ''A police officer can come into the situation and show the batterer there is someone in the world more powerful than him. And then the officer can tell a woman how to get help so she can take control.''

She advises women in abusive situations to prepare themselves in these ways:

* Don't back yourself into a corner at home. Always have an escape route.

* Hide an extra set of car keys.

* Have a working cellular telephone.

* Have a plan to go to a friend or relative, or know where the nearest shelter is.

* Keep some money hidden where you can get it easily.

But Ms. Crowley says the best advice she can offer is this: ''Get out while things are calm, before the next explosion, because there will always be a next time.''

Correction: January 4, 1998, Sunday An article on Dec. 21 about training for state troopers in handling domestic violence cases referred incorrectly to the abuse in the first marriage of Maureen L., one woman who spoke to the troopers. It ended in physical violence, but she was not beaten during the marriage. The article also misstated the date of her second marriage. It took place in 1994, not 1990.