inglish

Subject: FOR ALL YOU BAD SHPELLERZ!

English in the Future

Having chosen English ans the prefered language on the EEC (now officially
the European Union,or EU) the European Parliament commisioned a
feasibilty study in the ways of improving efficiency in communications
between government depts.

European officails have often pointed out that English spelling is
unnecessary and difficult eg:cough plough, rough, through, and
thorough. What is clearly needed is a phased programme of changes
to iron out these anomalies. The programme would, of course, be
admistered by a comitee staff at top level by participating nations.

In the first year, for example, the commitee would suggest using 's'
instead of the soft 'c'.Sertainly sivil servants in all the cities would
resieve this news with joy. Then the hard 'c' could be replased by'k'
since both letters are pronoused alike. Not only would this klear up
konfusion in the minds of the klerikal workers, but typewriters kould be
made with one less letter.

There would be growing enthusiasm when in the sekond year, it was anounsed
that the troublesome 'ph' would henseforth be written 'f'. This
would make words like fotograf twenty persent shorter to print.

In the third year, publik akseptanseof the new spelling kan be expekted
to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possilbe.
Governments would enkourage the removal if double letters which have
always been a deterant to akurate speling.

We would agre that the horible mes of the silent 'e's' in the languag is
disgrasful. Therefor we kould drop thes and kontinu to read and writ
as though nothing had hapened. By this tim it would be four years sins the
skem beganand the peopl would be reseptiv to steps sutch as replasing
'th'with 'z'. perhaps zen ze funktion of'w' lould be taken on by 'v',
vitch is after al, half a'w'. Shortly after ziz ze unesessary'o kould be
droped from words kontaining 'ou'.Similar arguments vud of kors be aplid
to ozer kombinations of letters.