DERF Happy Hour

Government study states the internet is mostly to blame for the proliferation of web porn.

After years of mailing billions of promotional CD's to people's homes offering hours of free internet service, AOL Time Warner has decided to contact over 210 million Americans to ask for the discs back. AOL spokesman David May commented, "We sent out way too many discs and we want them back now so we can reuse them in a more appropriate way such as recycling them for money. Also, our research indicates nobody uses them anyway." Estimating there are over 4 billion unused discs in homes across America, AOL has rented a large warehouse in Newark, New Jersey to store the massive amount of useless discs. Industry insider Adam Haas commented, "I am surprised by this move. Collecting these discs is almost as useless as distributing them in the first place. This just adds to the AOL anti-mystique of being a ridiculous and unreliable service."