Sunday, February 21, in the New York times I read Paul Vitello's response to Tiger Woods' apology for his marital infidelities. Toward the end Vitello quotes Dr. Aaron Lazare,the author of "On Apology," saying that for both public and personal apologies "you have to be specific, you have to say what you did, and you have to ask the offended person not just for forgiveness -- but ask them what you need to do to make things right."

I like that. I appreciate that Vitello explains what he means by being specific: "you have to say what you did." I also appreciate Vitello's clear instruction regarding recompense. This injury cost the offended party something. What is a possible healing response for the one who offended?

Relationships are often quite sticky. It can take considerable time to notice offenses I endure and offending behaviors of my own. Engaging in the process of reconciliation requires on-going discernment, of both the other's and my own untoward and unwise activities. As I work to honestly assess the relationship, I am able to change the patterns of interaction within the relationship.

When the door is open for rebuilding the relationship from a stronger foundation, I experience greater freedom, increased responsibility and a clearer sense of God's presence.

What have you learned about forgiveness? How do you forgive yourself and others? Does Lazare's instruction on forgiveness make sense to you?