Who you gonna call? A skyful of helicopters and the L.A. Sheriff's Department's dramatically suited bomb squad, duh.

Using their hilarious bomb-detonating robot, who previously starred in the big humanitarian takedown of an L.A. street artist's grenades-that-look-like-apples art project in Little Tokyo, the Sheriff's Department quickly de-mystified the drop-off, according to Weho News:

ABC7 reported that papers flew out in tatters with the explosion, but no incendiary device was found inside.

Sadly, the newly tattered papers probably meant a great deal to the guy who delivered them (though the same can't be said of the intended recipient), the AP reports:

The man walked into an office on Rodeo Drive at about 9 a.m. with a briefcase that he said contained a computer, said Sgt. Brad Cornelius. The man left instructions for the briefcase to be delivered to someone at the agency, but the intended recipient told authorities the man had been "pestering" him to read his movie script and that he never requested the briefcase.

You'd think some starving artist dropping off his unwanted orphan of a screenplay would be old, non-threatening news by now in the entertainment capital of the world, where big Hollywood dreams go to die.

An attendant in the Camden Drive mailroom confirms to the Weekly that they received the package this morning. However, she then passes the phone onto another employee, seemingly enraged that the media is giving a shit. She procedes to tell us off in her best Beverly Hills girlfight voice. So much for that.

At least we still have Twitter! One agent recommends:

Annnd a witness account:

We hope, at least, he had an extra copy of his blood sweat and tears, seeing as the first was gayfully devoured by that funny-looking bomb bot. Better luck next time, Shakespeare.

Update No. 1: Here's the official Beverly Hills police report. Poor guy. If you're out there, and want us to tell your story, get in touch. This'd make a great screenplay.

At approximately 9:14 a.m., Beverly Hills officers were dispatched to the 400 block of North Camden Drive regarding a suspicious package left in front of an office. The location is a commercial building. An unidentified male dropped off a locked briefcase at the location, apparently with the intent of having someone in that office open the brief case hoping his "script" was reviewed. The unidentified male then left the location. The briefcase was moved out of the building by a security officer and placed in the alley. The police department received information from the caller that the individual's action was unusual and very suspicious.

Upon arrival, Beverly Hills officers cordoned the area and evacuated adjoining offices and restricted pedestrian activity. The alley was closed off until the arrival of the Los Angeles County Sheriff's Bomb Squad at 10:30 a.m. The Bomb Squad detonated the briefcase and rendered it safe at the scene. Investigation revealed the contents contained a lap top computer and several items of paper. The male individual was located, detained at the scene by officers, and released once they determined no crime was committed.

Update No. 2:Beverly Hills Patch has video of aforementioned robot doing a number on the aspiring screenwriter's precious cargo. So depressing: