This week on Supernatural
we discover that the only thing more fearless and bad-ass than Dean
Winchester is a tiny Asian woman. Yes, Kevin Tran's mommy is along for
the ride, and she's one tough cookie who isn't afraid to slap Crowley in
the face.

We also see the boys try to get the Tablet with the spell to close the Gates of Hell forever. Spoiler Alert: Since this is only the second episode of the season, everything does NOT go smoothly.

Dean wants to go straight for the Tablet, but Kevin demands that they go find his mom to make sure she's safe. She's surrounded by demons, but the brothers take them down and save Mrs. Tran, the titular Tiger Mommy. She accepts the whole "Demons are real and her son is a Prophet of the Lord" stuff quite easily and demands that she join them on the quest instead of hiding her away in a safe house. Dean tries to talk her out of it, but when a Tiger Mom sets her mind to something, it happens.

3 Reasons You Don't Mess with Mrs. Tran

On the quest for the Tablet, we learn that Mrs. Tran is basically a tiny, Asian Sarah Connor. First she and Kevin get matching anti-possession tattoos, but she doesn't flinch at all because it's not her first tattoo. Second, when a pawn shop owner is being particularly squirrely, she threatens him with taxes in a calm, ruthless, blackmailing kind of way. Finally, when the boys and the Trans enter the auction for the Tablet and run into Crowley, she slaps him. How can you not love a woman who bitch-slaps the King of Hell?

Auction of the Gods

The quest for the Tablet leads them to an auction run by Plutus, the Greek god of greed, and his creepy, Mr. Peanut-esque assistant. There are many cool things being auctioned (including Thor's Hammer), but the only problem is the prices aren't exactly money. Instead people bid things like 5/8 of a virgin.

When the Tablet comes up, Crowley bids three billion dollars, but an angel named Samandriel counters with the Mona Lisa. Their bidding becomes increasingly absurd and hilarious as the angel offers Vatican City and Crowley offers Alaska and the Moon (which is the property of Hell thanks to a deal with Buzz Aldrin).

When Plutus wants more he kidnaps Kevin and makes him a part of the auction. Mrs. Tran then offers up her soul, which Crowley can't possibly beat because it's everything to her, and Crowley isn't willing to give away everything too. So Mrs. Tran wins the auction and all is good.

Crowley Wins

But of course it doesn't stay good. Before Mrs. Tran gives up her soul we learn that Plutus' assistant is secretly working with Crowley. He burns off Mrs. Tran's tattoo and Crowley possesses her. Crowley Tran then takes the Tablet, kills Plutus and runs away. Dean chases after her and is about to slit her throat when Crowley leaves her body, gets into his own meat suit and walks away with the Tablet, but not before warning Kevin that people who help the Winchesters usually end up dead.

Mrs. Tran is left nearly catatonic and when the Winchesters give Kevin some privacy, he takes the opportunity to heed Crowley's warning and run away before he or his mom wind up dead. Sorry brothers, but you're back to square one.

Dean and Cas in Purgatory

Throughout the episode we get brief glimpses of Dean's time in Purgatory where he honed his ruthless, murdering torture techniques. Dean is almost as bad as Soulless Sam. We finally see Castiel and learn he ran away because the Leviathans are after him and he's trying to protect Dean by staying away. Dean doesn't want this and he announces that he will NOT leave Purgatory without Cas. The final brief scene of Cas slipping away begs to differ.

Next week on Supernatural: We learn all about Sam's time with Amelia the Veterinarian in another episode directed by Jensen Ackles.