Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Embarrassed

I had an experience tonight that will forever go into the Top 5 of my Most Embarrassing Moments list.

Our darling, happy, chatty baby boy is 3 months old.

Three of our girls are taking swimming lessons. There are two pools: a "fun" pool, with slides, splashy things, and a lazy river, among other things, and a competition pool with diving boards and lap lanes.

Half of the "Fun" Pool

One of my daughters was in the competition pool, so, mid-lesson, it was time for me to switch observation stations. Leaving the diaper bag, towels and flip-flops in place, Baby and I picked up and began our journey. We walked all of the way around the pool, through the locker room and into the room housing the other pool. It was swim lesson time, so there are a lot of parents, grandparents, and siblings lining the walls.

They are all a little bored and are actively people watching.

When I reached the other pool room, I looked down.

Now, at this point, you should know that my baby is exclusively breast-fed.

That is important to understand because when I looked down, I saw that my baby had evidently missed his diaper entirely and had relieved himself through his thigh. This must have been the case, since there is no other plausible explanation as to how I got excrement all over me. And I didn't have a little yellow blotch on my shirt or my leg. Oh, no. That sort of thing happens. No, this yellow blotch was large and positioned in a rather unfortunate place.

It looked like I had soiled myself.

Badly.

Having had as many children as I have had, I am prepared for just about anything. But this? No, not this. How was I supposed to get myself back around the large pool, through the locker rooms and back around the fun pool where everyone is sitting with their eyes waist high? I had nothing to hide behind and certainly no change of clothes for me in the usually handy diaper bag.

There was nothing for it.

I had to grit my teeth and walk by all of those eyes . . . all of those staring, wondering eyes.

As bad as this looks, the picture really doesn't do justice to the size of the spill.

I wanted to make an announcement, wanted to explain, to plead for pity!

No! It wasn't me! This isn't mine. I promise, I am toilet trained!

But there was no chance for that. I just had to walk along, suffering.