Sorry, But The World Doesn’t Owe You The Perfect Boyfriend

Dating sucks, especially when you think you’re doing everything right but you’ve had more than your fair share of bad dates, dating app failures and getting ghosting by guys you thought had potential. You have friends who’ve been with the love of their lives since high school, friends who seem to find a new guy that wants to get serious with them with every right swipe, and friends who haven’t been single since they were 8-years-old. It should be your turn, right? Unfortunately, that’s just not how it works. Here’s why:

Life isn’t fair. Nothing in life is a guarantee. You might think you’ll eventually meet someone and fall in love because everyone does, but that’s not necessarily the case. You don’t automatically get a great boyfriend just because you went on your quota of bad dates. Some people go through years of horrible relationships and never really find what they’re looking for. But that doesn’t mean you should lose hope. You truly never know when you could meet the right person.

You have to have something to offer. The perfect guy is also looking for the perfect girl, so are you the best version of yourself you could possibly be? Are you happy and fulfilled all on your own? Do you have lots of energy to put into a relationship? If you don’t, then what makes you think you deserve the perfect guy?

What is perfect, anyway? Perfect, if it even exists at all, is completely subjective. You could be meeting decent guys left, right and center but still have no interest in them. No one else can decide what kind of guy is right for you, so even if you’re out there dating, that elusive “perfect boyfriend” might never show himself. It’s also possible you might need to adjust your expectations.

The perfect boyfriend won’t just fall into your lap. Some people get lucky and meet a great guy when they aren’t even trying, but most of us actually have to make an effort to put ourselves out there, really figure out what it is we’re looking for and go out on dates when we’d rather stay home and watch Netflix in our pajamas. You don’t live in a romantic comedy, so that meet-cute you’ve always wanted probably won’t be exactly how you’ve been picturing it.

Everyone has their own struggles. You might think it’s unfair that some people seem to find love so easily while you can barely get past the second date. But there’s a lot more going on behind the scenes in every relationship that you don’t know about. Long-term couples don’t always have it easy, even if you think they seem perfect together. So even if you found the “perfect boyfriend”, it still wouldn’t be perfect 100% of the time.

Maybe you just choose the wrong types of guys. If the perfect guy was right in front of you, would you even know it or would you keep trying to look past him at the bad boy who treats you like crap because he’s “more your type”? You have to take responsibility for who you choose to date because the universe might put the right guy in front of you, but it can’t make you give him a chance.

The world isn’t keeping score. It’s not like you automatically get to go on a good date for every five bad ones you go on. There’s no running scoreboard that keeps track of when it’s your turn to meet a guy on girl’s night out. There’s no controlling or predicting when you’ll meet someone — you just have to live your life.

Dating is partly luck. There isn’t much that relies on being in the right place at the right time more than dating does. Everywhere you go, every person you’re friends with and every decision you make will affect the people who cross your path on a daily basis. Meeting someone you click with is about being open to possibilities and realizing that luck and timing play huge roles in how relationships start out.

You have to keep trying. You can’t just give up and expect the world to take pity on you and throw you a boyfriend right when you’ve resigned yourself to the idea of dying alone. As long as you’re alive and still want love, you have to be open to it. As soon as you close yourself off, you’re admitting defeat, and those are the girls who end up pushing away great guys because they can’t see their potential.

Even the most amazing girls are single at some point. Being single is nothing to be ashamed of. You aren’t some sad, pathetic loser who deserves a little happiness to be thrown her way. You’re perfectly capable of making your own happiness. Besides, nothing worth having ever comes easy, so if you want love, get out there and fight for it, because no one is going to do it for you.

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