I asked my 5-year-old what makes him happy

6. November 2018

I asked him, he looked up at me with his eyes wide open and then answered. The question was simple… what makes you happy Emilian?

Is it strange to ask such a basic, simple question? Sometimes it even feels “weird”. Actually, I think that we should ask our kids, friends, as well as ourselves that question more often. Feeling happy with yourself and being aware of what gives people you love a happy face, is probably as important as having health or a good job– It should never be underestimated.

Of course, happiness changes with the years and experiences, family and many other ingredients that come into the game with time, that’s exactly why I asked Emilian. His answers were short, precise and very clear.

He loves swimming and “going-to-the-toy-shop-and-choosing-a-toy-himself”, all that in one breathe. There was no thinking around the choice of what actually made him happy… that day of course. Kids tend to have different joys according to their day. They focus on today, not on tomorrow. What a sense of freedom that is.

That same day I was going through some late-night emails and started thinking of what Emilian had told me about happiness. I tried to compare it to us, adults and what makes us happy. Of course, having a nice piece of cake makes anyone happy, no matter what age you are. Nevertheless, when I actually think about it, there are other things that make us happy and they all tend to fall into the “work package”. Things that have completely changed from our vision of happiness as kids.

Today, I’m in my thirties and when I think of things that make grown-ups happy, a lot is work-related. Very sad, but it’s the truth. Suddenly we realize that we start feeling happy when we manage to make all the monthly payments on time for example. We feel happy when we end a successful call with a client. Or we feel happy when we meet deadlines that we never thought we would manage.

At least, those are the things that come across our head first. But why don’t we think of other stuff first, like eating cake, walking down your toddler to kindergarten in the morning, swimming, weekend getaway or good old friends’ reunion? Things that really matter for our soul. When does our vision of happiness change? When did “real happiness” get a second role in our real-life movie? Does this happen to every adult?

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