are the stars out tonight?

life and stuff

30.10.02

well we went to toffs, which i hadn't been to before. that was me and stu and callie. we were dancing and such (the music is pretty good in the second room it turns out), and callie introduced me to k (name obscured on the grounds that she might not want the whole world to know).

ok what you have to know is that sarah told me that k was bi and looking, so i kind of knew she might be interested. i don't think we did much chatting, i was probably just slightly too drunk to be coherent enough. but we danced to trash and some other songs which i can't, er, really remember. but the upshot was that we kissed.

so then i walked her home (because i'm nothing if not gallant), and she insisted i stay the night. in her bed. with her. bluddy hell. so i've just got back to campus and i'm still kind of shellshocked. this is not the sort of thing that happens. especially not in york. definitely made up for the washing machine debacle last night.

ever fallen in love with someone you shouldn't have fallen in love with?
the first time i kissed a girl, that was playing in the background, it then segued into teenage kicks. it was a friday night sometime in late march 1999, and we were in a pub next to hammersmith bridge for another girl's birthday and from the moment i turned up she was being really over friendly. well i was flattered. she's a really attractive girl. it was nice to be able to put my arm around her, and pretend briefly that we were going out. finally, just before closing time, she dragged me into the ladies so we could be alone...

i'd been "out" for a while actually, since my first year at the open air theatre in 1997. but somehow i managed to not actually kiss any girls. she was in my year and as we were both keen on classics, we ended up going on a lot of greek and latin trips together. i hadn't really ever thought anything would happen... she was way out of my league. but there we were.

she's at cambridge now studying classics. a google search tells me that she's now ents rep on her jcrc, we've kind of lost track of each other.

at the time, i'd just started going out with james, so strictly speaking i was cheating on him, but i've never regretted it. i've regretted a lot of other things, but not that.

i did finally talk to jarvis after a lot of getting each other's ansaphones. glenn, it turns out, has bowel cancer. apparently, as a transplantee, he is more at risk of getting cancer as a result of the immunosuppressive drugs he takes to prevent his body rejecting his kidney. but, as he's been out every time i've tried to phone him, i'd say it was business as usual. which is a relief. although jarvis does say he's losing his hair.

anyway, it's been really nice getting home and seeing the family. even the cat has been welcoming. the bush has been its usual self (apparently a man was shot on the green on tuesday). i went to see my big fat greek wedding with mum earlier. alright there wasn't much of a story to speak of, but it was actually really, really funny. i laughed loads, which is the whole point of these films, after all. oooh, and there was a trailer for the new harry potter film. bluddy hell, i was almost drooling. but not quite. hee hee, i've got the website on in the background. i'm so childish.

i got a text message earlier which reads: "HELLO MATE, JUST A TEXT 2 SAY I'M BACK IN GUY'S.NOTHN MAJOR JUST CHEMO SIDE EFFECTS. I'VE BEEN IN A WEEK I'M JUST CRAP AT TELLING PEOPLE.SHOULD B OUT BY WEEKEND." didn't say who it was from, but i'm assuming it was glenn, as last time i saw him (at my party, see the archives), he'd just come out of guy's because he'd been having stomach problems, and as a transplantee he has to be careful. but shit. does that mean he has cancer? if so, why the hell did no one tell me? i tried phoning jarvis, but he wasn't around (i even phoned his house, which i haven't done in quite a few years). damn. now i'm really worried. and i was having quiet a nice time, with owen, adrian and the lovely natalie (who i actually managed to chat to, amazingly considering how much i fancy her). *gah* i wish i knew for certain what was going on.

i wasn't even that drunk but last night still ended in tears, and being stuck next to goodricke cash point unable to make it any further home. poor stu must get fed up with having to put up with my crap. and every time i do this, i end up hating myself more.

i can't cope with stuff... i'm under more pressure than i thought, and i can't really deal with it at the moment. i know that i have to write my essay and hand it in tomorrow, and read half a book in italian and sort out lgb styc. but i'm not actually doing any of those things right now. and i probably won't get around to doing them until it's too late. and i'm going to hand in a sub-standard essay just because i'm stupid and incapable of doing the work when i actually have a reasonable amout of time to do it in.

i know that i could train myself out of this. in fact i know that i'm going to have to train myself out of it - out of the drinking and crying, and not working until the last mintute thing. in fact, i know that i can do it... it's just difficult. and i'm a lazy cow.

sunday night was grate. i was pretty knackered from showing first years to their rooms, but i had a fantastic time djing. all the second and third years were really getting into it. i wish i could do it more often, but everyone has to have a go. manics tom and i are going to see if we can get a show on ury... i can see it now... all manics all the time. or not. i see myself as more of a natasha from xfm type really. i can do that husky voiced sexy thing any day. alright, only some days.

we're djing again tonight in vanburgh, as part of their "shag-tag" event. i'm still unsure whether it's a bad idea or not. we talked about it in welfare commitee and stuff, on the grounds that it makes the night just about pulling, and isolates the people who might not want to. of course it all started at poptastic, which is a gay club, so it should be alright for people of any sexuality, but in practice gay people are more likely to feel left out at the night. on the other hand, it is freshers week, and it is supposed to be about pulling, alledgedly. maybe i'm just bitter because i'm not going to.

on a lighter note, can someone help me with this joke? all i can remember is the punch line which was "no i'm a frayed knot", i think it might have been a doctor doctor joke. it really annoyed me last night when i was trying to get to bed. bad puns rule my life.

stu and i were walking home last night from seeing passport to pimlico with gina and john, when it started raining. it had been quite a nice day too. after the film we went for a drink with alice and checkers. we went up to the evil eye, above forever changes on stonegate. i had a singapore sling which was yummy, but expensive.

i got all wet because i was just wearing my denim jacket and a hoodie (and trousers, obviously). yuk. i was going to buy some more trousers today because i don't have any clean clothes after the yorcash machine ate my tenner and didn't put it on my card, meaning that i can't do any washing. i couldn't find any i liked though, so instead i went to pop boutique and bought myself a pair of black flares and a black t-shirt that says "art house" on it, hee hee.

what i did manage to buy was a miffy beauty kit, which has a hairbrush and tweezers and a fab chunky mirror thing. *yay* and double *yay*

Weathering

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