Scandal Helps Saga

The final poster for Twilight 5 was released yesterday. And word is advance ticket sales for the final installment in the franchise are outpacingTwilight 4 and all other films in the series. Needless to say, the Stewart/Sanders cheating scandal has not and will not hurt the saga’s box office performance.

Saga.

Usually a word reserved for epic stories -- of journeys and insurmountable struggles, of triumph over the greatest obstacles, of legendary heroes and their extraordinary battles. Only this time nothing actually happens. Ever. This was (one of) my major complaint(s) about Twilight. Nothing is ever lost. There is no sacrifice. And the conflict suggested in the last trailer for the last movie never materialises. It’s all an imagined sequence, you see? In the end, it’s like Dallas -- just a dream. Having said that, I do like it when Robert Pattinson takes Kristen Stewart’s hand and swings her around for a roundhouse kick. That almost makes up for how ridiculous Michael Sheen looks when he evil-spins around to declare imaginary war on Team Cullen.

As for what’s going with Stewart and Pattinson off-screen and all the panting emails asking about their status and if it’s real and how do I know it’s real and please can you tell us more, and are you are Kristen’s payroll and Jesus, how is it that you all still don’t know, by now, how much Summit hates me and why would I be their first phone call to help them leak a story when I sh-t on their movies every chance I get? They’re together. It’s legit. But, as I always say, gossip is a buffet. Go ahead choose your own entree. Or better yet, cook it yourself.