I made this short play to submit to a writing contest. Though I haven't heard from them yet, I'd like to hear the buzz it makes on NG. If someones up for it, I'm gonna run this like it's under a CC license. You can make it into whatever you want, just tell me beforehand. Please leave constructive criticism, comments, praise, whatever!

The Scarecrew: Told in Four Acts

Hiero: a scarecrow with a tattered red and black jacket, black boots, and a bowler hat
Symbi: a scarecrow with a denim shirt, dirty sneakers, and a straw hat
Quanta: a scarecrow in an ancient, well-worn white shirt, cowboy boots, and a Panama hat
The Man: a man in denim coveralls, with no shoes, and a white t-shirt

Act One

As the scene opens, the Three Scarecrows are tied onto three individual crosses in an empty field. The Man is nowhere to be seen. The Scarecrew appears to be 20 years of age. The summer sky is clear and without clouds. It won't rain today. A conversation between the Scarecrew can be heard all around; it is all-encompassing, filling every nook and cranny with sound.

Hiero: Look, all I'm saying is that we can't just keep staying here.
Symbi: He's right. It's hard enough to keep away the crows.
Quanta: Well, if we actually used my ideas, maybe we could prove our worth to The Man.
Symbi: All I know is that we have to work together.
Hiero: We are nothing without The Man!
Quanta: The Man is nothing but a hindrance to us.
Hiero: We've already been out here for half a day; we must wait for The Man to come to us.
Symbi: There's nothing for us to do here. We are doomed.
[A long pause begins. It lasts for about two or so minutes. Symbi starts crying.]
Hiero: [to Quanta] Now look what you've done, you fat idiot.
Quanta: [to Hiero] This is not my fault; it's his own.
[Symbi sobs harder.]
Quanta: [to no one at all] We have to put our faith in science. This is the only way that we can truly scare the crows.
[Symbi is still sobbing.]
Hiero: [to no one at all] Look, the way I see it, is that if The Man put us here to scare crows, he would have given us the tools to do it.
Symbi [now quiet]: [to no one at all] We can only work together to scare the crows. That's why we're together.
Quanta: [to Symbi] That's the stupidest idea you've ever had. Our only purpose in life is to scare crows. Not to form relationships.
Hiero: [to Symbi] That was a terrible idea, Symbi. We are only here to please The Man.
Symbi: [to both] No, we are only here to meet people and be together.
[pause]
Symbi: Maybe we should kill ourselves.
Quanta: How?
Hiero: Why?
Symbi: We'd just have to loosen our ropes and fall down. Life ends as soon as we are off these crosses. [Quanta and Hiero look at each other, with confusion.] All of our troubles will be over.
Hiero and Quanta: Maybe.
Symbi: I'd need your help with it.
Hiero: No.
Quanta: Then, it's not really killing yourself, is it?
Hiero: I'm not killing anyone else.
Symbi: Even if they want to be killed?
Hiero: That's not their decision.
Quanta: I'd help you kill yourself, but I can't reach you. Hiero is in the way.
Hiero: I'm not moving.
Symbi: We must die alone then.
Hiero: Yes.
Quanta: Yes.

Act Two

As the scene opens, the Scarecrew is looking away from each other. The conversation has lulled. When there are bursts of conversation, they don't talk to anyone in particular. They look about 40 or so; middle aged, at the very least. The Man can be seen far in the distance, as if he was painted into the fields far behind them. No one can actually tell if he is there or not.

Quanta: Does anyone want to hear about my idea?
Hiero: Heresy.
Symbi: Show-off.
Quanta: You all are so stupid. Ideas are the only way that anything can be accomplished.
Hiero: I prefer to put my faith in who put us here.
Symbi: I want to work together.
Quanta: Science. Science.
Hiero: Typical heresy.
Quanta: It was such a long time ago; do you even know for sure that The Man, of your making, exists?
Symbi: He did put us here together.
Hiero: Don't listen to Symbi, he's stupid. The Man was not made by me. He's always been for the whole of the Scarecrew's existence.
Quanta: I'm not convinced.
Hiero: But, I had a vision. I was almost awake when The Man was making me!
Quanta: This is a new story.
Symbi: Can't we just accept that we are here to work together to scare crows.
Hiero: [turning his head] Look, The Man is there!
Quanta: That's just a person. We can't even be sure it isn't just another scarecrow.
Symbi: We should shout over there to see if it will join us.
Quanta: No.
Hiero: No.
Quanta: We can't just trust in the Scarecrew, Symbi. We need something else.
Hiero: He's right. The Man.
Quanta: Science. The Man. What have you. As long as it isn't the Scarecrew.
Symbi: Then, why are we here, if not to form relationships.
Quanta, Hiero: To scare crows. That's our only purpose in life.
[pause for about 2 minutes]
Quanta: My idea is-
Hiero: Heresy.
Quanta: If you'll just let me finish, you'll maybe find that my idea isn't all that terrible.
Hiero: I don't want to hear anything that will sway my faith.
Quanta: So you admit that science disproves The Man.
Hiero: No. Science is just a false mistress.
Quanta: What does that even mean?
Hiero: [shrugs] It just came to me.
Quanta: Science [he takes a short pause and sighs] just comes to me.
Hiero: Then you are lost. If you love only science, The Man has no time for you.
Symbi: You know, for following only The Man, Hiero, you talk an awful lot about heresy and science.
Quanta: Yeah.
Symbi: And, Quanta, for following only science, you seem to take The Man rather seriously.
Hiero: Yeah.
[pause, and they all look away from one another]
Quanta: My idea was to design an experiment to test which type of sound scares crows the best.
Hiero [indignant]: You didn't ask that time.
Quanta: If you ignore my asking, eventually I'll just tell you.
Symbi: Would we even need each other if we figured out which sound works better than the rest?
Quanta: If it works well enough, no. Theoretically, we could work on a shift system.
Symbi: I don't like this idea; we should have to work together.
Hiero: No, we all have to work. The Man might think us to be lazy.
Quanta [sarcastically]: But you could pray in that spare time.
Hiero: Don't say that so callously. And I don't trust any of your snake oil.
Symbi: Whatever happened to the Scarecrew?

Act Three

As the scene opens, a vintage truck with clocks piled in the bed is parked near the Scarecrew. They ignore it. They look about eighty now. They are arguing so bitterly. The sun appears to be setting in the distance. The strange apparition of The Man in the background has disappeared.

Symbi: I'm getting tired.
Hiero: The day is over soon.
Quanta: Moon rise.
Hiero: Sun set.
Quanta [agitatedly]: Moon rise.
Hiero [upset]: Sun set!
Symbi [blank-faced]: Evening.
Quanta: That's the stupidest answer. Night starts when the moon rises!
Hiero: I am loath to agree, but yet I do. You are wrong, Symbi.
Symbi: You two agree on nothing except that I am wrong.
Hiero: That's because I have The Man.
Quanta: I have science. I have facts.
Symbi: You both have me, too. [pause] And each other.
Quanta: I don't really see the point in that.
Hiero: Our minds prevent us from having each other.
Symbi: The Man. Science? I'll never understand it.
Quanta: Clearly, you'll never understand science. It's beyond you.
Hiero: And The Man is beyond both of you.
Quanta: I'd die if that were the fact.
Symbi: I'd be happier dead.
Hiero: I'm not killing you.
Quanta: I can't reach.
Symbi: So I'm stuck here.
Hiero [victoriously]: Who owns the truck? You can't deny the truck's existence!
Quanta: True. But I hypothesize that there is a race above us.
Hiero: That is not The Man?
Quanta: I can't explain it. But I know they exist.
Symbi: Why isn't it just the Scarecrew anymore?
Hiero and Quanta: It never was.
Symbi: You're wrong. Remember this morning, when we were young! There was no Man.
Hiero: The Man always was.
Quanta: Or never. Science doesn't change.
Symbi: They never existed before you thought of them.
Quanta: Science is just facts.
Hiero: The Man revealed himself to me.
Quanta: Yes, but my belief is real.
Hiero: Your

belief is false, and your only purpose is to hide my eyes from seeing The Man!
Quanta: Your eyes don't deceive you. You don't see this Man.
Hiero: The Man.
Quanta: Excuse me for not being clear. [pause with a loud exhalation] The Man does not exist. Science dictates it.
Hiero: [In a fit of rage, opens his mouth and nothing comes out. He's clearly speechless. With this hand, he starts to untie Quanta from his cross. Quanta is too busy gloating to notice. With his hands raised up triumphantly skyward, the last knot is loosened, and Quanta falls to the ground; Quanta's Panama hat falls to the ground.] Haha, this is what you get, heathen. [Hiero spits on Quanta's writhing body. Quanta reaches his hand up and attempts to scream; Symbi looks down in silent horror and starts sobbing. A wind picks up blowing the Panama hat far away. A man walks out of the vintage truck and walks toward the Scarecrew] Master! Master! Master! I have served The Man faithfully. Take me with you. I've suffered enough. [The man ignores Hiero and turns his gaze to Quanta. He picks Quanta's body up gingerly, and carries him in a fireman's lift to the passenger side of the truck.] No! No! Don't leave me... Don't go. [The truck moves out of view. Hiero lets out an anguished scream. Nightfall comes immediately, and all is black.]

Act Four

A vulture is sitting on a tree branch in the distance. Symbi slept restlessly. Hiero seems inanimate and is just hanging there. It is without conversation. It is silent.

Symbi: [For the first few minutes, there is utter silence as Symbi gradually wakes up.] What just-What happened last night? [Hearing no answer from Hiero, Symbi looks over and screams. Hiero has apparently died brutally; the red and black jacket is stabbed open in numerous places and straw is billowing out. One of his boots is on the ground. A crow flies down to rest on him.] I'm all alone. I'm all alone. I'm just here without anyone else. If only I could kill myself... [Symbi shakes his cross and groans in futility; tears start to fall.]
The Man: [All of the remaining members of the Scarecrew and their crosses disappear under a cover of darkness. When the lights turn on again, The Man appears.] And this, dear audience... is the end.

Ok, this is a pretty unique short play in more ways then 1. First off, other then The Wizard of Oz, I dont think any play included talking scarecrows :P. Secondly, the names you used were very......strange (i mean this in a good way) I'm guessing they're like ancient Greek names or somethin >.>. Story pretty much flowed nicely and I could picture in my mind the scarecrows bickering with each other :P. BUT THE MAIN PROBLEM I HAVE WITH THIS STORY IS....the ending :(. Breaking the fourth wall on the last line and having "The Man" have his first and last line being completely addressing the audience makes it feel like "The Man" knew the whole story from the very beggining (were you trying to make it seem as this?) Either way, great short play, and good luck with that contest :D.

Well, all of the names take their roots from ancient languages (e.g. "symb" is the Latin root for "together"). As for the breaking the fourth wall, it kind of seemed necessary to kind of make this more narrative, instead of just scarecrows bickering. Lastly, I mostly wanted the scarecrows to represent the three main facets of human society: zealots, scientists, and humanists. In the end, all of them get the exact opposite of what they want by trying to evangelize their point of view. And, yes, talking scarecrows! :)

Simple brilliant. O how I admire the very well worded struggle of science vs religion; and more importantly thee final result. The ending is too marvelous to even explain in this post. I love how you capture the essence of the issue. I'm at a loss for words, so I will give the single I can muster: brilliant.

This is pretty good I think. It's a little different. But that is never bad. I liked your explanation for it in your other post. Made it all make sense. And shows how much effort you put into the names, setting, and the story in general.

I can't really give any advice for it. Other then I enjoyed it. It's simply to "theatrical play" like for me to really give advice on. I have no experience in that medium. So I would rather not give advice, then bad advice.

It is a great little piece. Has great character development, set in a dynamic world, And in the end, has a nice meaning. It is indeed a type of morality tale. Though its good, I don't know if animated short is the best medium for it. Since its so dialog based and play like. But, that is up for an animator to decide. I think its great work! And good luck with the contest as well.

Trying to keep the angels in my dreams, from turning to demons of greed.

Brilliant it is not, though great may be a word to describe ye! (I'll critique in regular speak now)
I really did enjoy this, it was truly majestic how you were able to transform a story as whimsical as one about scarecrows into this, an intriguing and somber play dealing with man's eternal question, does God exist? The three main characters so skillfully symbolize man's three main views on the question: Hiero, the steadfast proponet of God's existence, Quanta, the ardent beliverof science, and the tragic Symbi, the moderate who just wants everyone to work together. The ending of the play was spellbounding and I'm still not free of it's compelling grasp, nor do I fully understand, but from one I could discern it's saying that God exists, but is unwilling to intervence in our problems. Though even story even as remarkable as this one is not without its flaws; the characters lack real personality and the dialouge could use some work. But other than this, you did a terrific job!

I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
Than teach 10,000 stars how not to dance.
-- ee cummings

I loved this. I do not feel that I have the skills to give it any informed critique. The only think I did not like quite as much as everything else was the way that the nightfall in the end of the 3rd act came so suddenly. However, I can completely see how this is another technique you utilize.

I do have one question though. Is the play about religion and science, or moderation and extremism? Or both? It works equally well with either :) I loved this. Thank You.

At 2/6/10 07:01 PM, andhination wrote:
I really liked it.
Seriously.
The ending seemed rushed though. Stretch it a little if you ever get around to it.
Also, sometimes the sentences seemed strangely worded, but maybe that's just because where I come from everyone's illiterate and shit.
But yeah. Bit of a fable going on there. :)

At 2/6/10 03:41 PM, laurielegit wrote:
I loved this. I do not feel that I have the skills to give it any informed critique. The only think I did not like quite as much as everything else was the way that the nightfall in the end of the 3rd act came so suddenly. However, I can completely see how this is another technique you utilize.

I do have one question though. Is the play about religion and science, or moderation and extremism? Or both? It works equally well with either :) I loved this. Thank You.

It's about the three facets of mankind (humanists, scientists, and evangelists) and how none of them get what they want by acting the way they do.

At 2/6/10 03:41 PM, laurielegit wrote:
I loved this. I do not feel that I have the skills to give it any informed critique. The only think I did not like quite as much as everything else was the way that the nightfall in the end of the 3rd act came so suddenly. However, I can completely see how this is another technique you utilize.

I do have one question though. Is the play about religion and science, or moderation and extremism? Or both? It works equally well with either :) I loved this. Thank You.

It's about the three facets of mankind (humanists, scientists, and evangelists) and how none of them get what they want by acting the way they do.

It is also about how none of them can justify a means to an end to their thinking (yes the humanists too). They each simply go on the notion that their thinking "just is." Otherwise people are greatly influenced by their own inability to consider the opposition. People are stubbornly trapped in their own prideful idea of what is right.

It has the same exact problems as the first time I read it. It's not deep, it's not meaningful, it's not even asking any religious questions. You know that song Let's Call the Whole Thing Off - Louis Armstrong? This is that, except your characters randomly decide they want to commit suicide and/or murder each other. It's like the whole religious "question" is brought up purely for shock value.

In a nut shell, your play is kind of like watching 6 year olds argue about stuff they have no clue about. Your characters constantly contradict themselves, they disagree with other characters simply to disagree, and any point you are actually trying to make about religion is completely moot because their "god" is visible to them all during the play.

You never present a clear argument for theism or atheism, not once. You start a couple arguments, sure, but then cut them off completely before they can be anymore than a half-assed thought. This kind of tells me that either A: you never had a clear direction where you were going with this play, or B: you don't have nearly enough knowledge on the material you are writing about.

When I reviewed this before I said your play boiled down to nothing more than an argument over semantics. You said that was the point. If that's the case, these scare crows could be arguing over whether it was pronounced espresso or expresso, and still get all the depth and meaning without adding any of the religious argument. So what exactly is the point of them arguing over "god" at all?

So, the main problem with this play is, it reads like a boring instant message conversation between 2 (retarded) flamers, and an attention whore that randomly shouts suicide, and that is pretty pointless.

On top of all that the play ends with Hiero brutally murdered, with no explanation. What happened? Is there some lunatic running around the farmland, messing up scare crows? Because if there is, maybe that's the play you should have wrote, that story would be way more interesting than watching a few people bicker over nothing.

I'm not trying to discourage you from writing of course, I still do think the "scare crows think man is god" concept is pretty interesting. But there is really no difference between this and the first time you wrote it, and I have to be honest here, this is as much garbage now as it was when you first posted. It's not just a matter of grammar and spelling, you need to seriously rewrite large portions of that dialog so that it actually makes sense.

At 2/6/10 07:58 PM, Version2 wrote:
It has the same exact problems as the first time I read it.

This is the first time I posted it. If you'll compare the dates, this was posted before I reposted it on my "Stimcrab's Fiction" thread. So, yeah, it is exactly the same as you first read it. So it seems totally unnecessary for you to write such a lengthy diatribe twice. I can understand once; it was helpful last time. This is just overkill, pure and simple.

You're trying to say that your play is as good as this? Or that you are using him for an influence? Because that doesn't really matter either. Your play isn't as good as his works, and your influence could have been anyone for all the difference it makes in the quality of the play.

Or are you trying to say that you are an avant-garde artist, and that I don't get the religious debate? Because that would be incredibly foolish of you, the guy who thinks that a humanists knee jerk reaction is going to be suicide when people start disagreeing.

Don't get angry with me because your play is flawed. And don't post it (twice... with nothing more than copy n' paste) on the internet if you don't want comments.