9 Surprising Rules of Blow Jobs (According to Guys)

We all know that oral sex is important. Fun fact: One of the earliest incarnations of fellatio in literature occurs in one stanza of a piece by English Romantic poet Percy Bysshe Shelley, who died in 1822. (The line is "Suck on, suck on, I glow, I glow!")

However, since some girls are often relatively clueless about what goes on down there while hooking up, I asked my friends, A Gay Dude and A Straight Dude, to put their heads together (I mean the heads above their necks, you filthy-minded people) and brainstorm the top 9 rules of blow jobs that may not have occurred to us. Here we go.

9. Swallow, don't spit.

"Spitters are quitters," say the guys. It's sexy, no-stress and no-mess. It also says that you're into them.

8. Make occasional eye contact.

It's super-sexy. Just occasional. Not, like, crazy eyes... just sexy, playful glances. They just say that no eye contact can be cold and detached. Again, it just says you're into it.

__7. Deep-throat to the best of your ability.

Oh, mouth sex, you cruel beast. "The more of our penis you can fit into your mouth, the better," say the guys. Obviously you're not gonna go full-tilt boogie the whole time, but they suggest that you give it your best shot. Adds my gay friend, "And if you gag, it's totally OK."__

6. Feel OK making noises.

Some people, say my friends, say they feel like they need to be totally silent and machine-like while going for it. Popping up for air and saying something, or even just moaning a little, is great.

5. Don't be afraid to get messy.

Take off your white gloves and get in there. Sloppy is the nature of the game. And the more lubrication, the better the dude will feel.

4. Work the balls.

"Don't attack them with the force of a thousand suns, but give 'em a cup." Balls are your friend, say the guys. Don't ignore them. If the penis is the high-achieving valedictorian, the balls are his neglected little brothers, straight C-students living in its shadow. Give them some attention.

3. Let his hands roam free.

In sex, dudes see with their hands. "With so many girls I'll play with their breasts or hair while they're going down on me, but they stop me," says the straight guy. They don't mean to break your concentration--they're just into it, and want you to feel good, too.

2. Notice if he starts doing that uncontrollable pelvic-thrusting thing that I personally hate, because that means something.

Apparently this move, while considered pushy and not cute by many ladies, is the guy trying to tell you something: "go deeper and/or faster." So adjust as necessary.

1. Pay different attention to each part of the penis.

Each part of the penis feels different and should be paid different attention to. The underside is more sensitive than the top, for example, the frenulum is particularly sensitive, etc. Particularly if foreskin is involved.