The Fault in Our Stares – A habit we must renounce

Anita looked straight into his eyes and told him – ‘there is a fault in your stares mister‘. He immediately looked away but the tension was palpable between them. When the Human Resource Head calmed them down to settle the dispute amicably, Anita thrashed her hand on the table and called Rodger ‘a leech’. Rodger; a CXO from well known multinational and a trophy manager, every one from top to lower level were impressed by his immaculate personality & solid M&A experience he holds. Just at the age of 45 he is country’s most known CXO in Mergers & Acquisitions. Anita’s ‘alleged’ claims of mental harassment not only shocked everyone in the department but also Rodger as he never imagined in his wildest dreams that a ‘simple’ stares could be at fault. Yes, just the simple humble stare today made Rodger look like a villain in everyone’s eye and Anita a victim.

Aren’t we all relate to the snippet here – staring; I believe this is our (humans) most lovable habit, human brain reacts to the things which attract us – problem of brain!! okay you get a pass, but what about those stares which are intentional? Not long ago there was this news from Kerela making rounds on national broadcasting T.V. Channels & dailies, and I Quote “Kerela excise commissioner Rishiraj Singh claimed that men who stared at women for more than 14 seconds can be booked for harassment by law.” Unquote Shocking isn’t it? Our most favourite thing can actually land us in jail now.. phew.. such a rude world & it’s rules.

So where is the Fault with our stares?

Well, now that professionally I am a lecturer teaching Strategic Management & Business Management to MBA students I keep on telling them to keep a ‘positive’ eye contact when interacting with anyone. The word positive is highlighted. As per the body language experts their are many types of stares, however it’s on human brain how to handle the ‘gaze’ and interpret it. In our snippet has Anita interpret is wrong or Rodger handled his friendly gestures wrongly?

When a relative from home town came to visit us couple of years back, his reaction (read stares) to see people (girls) in short dresses came as a brutal reality to me. I held my anger but clearly shown disapproval to his reactions and gave a good old long lecture. But this is not one off odd incidents – I have seen many people (males females alike) staring others with an offensive look. Clothes are the biggest beacon for inviting stares. I remember an episode happened with me way back of my spinster days, this guy would come and stand in front of my college hostel, whenever I come out of hostel he would give a nice good look and hidden glances – but never a stare (looking fixedly & continuously at someone) eventually his glances became friendly smiles and slowly we got into talking. Today that same guy is called my better half, it all started with eye contact!!

This same stare made me find my soul mate, why other stares are creepy!! When it comes to ogling, males females are alike or in-fact I find fairer sex being more mean than men. When a lady stares at someone (specially) her notion is mostly towards the dressing, public behaviour or something personal. Not dressed as per her standards – the subject will be slut-shamed without thinking. Usually such stares ends up in-depth analysis of the subject. However, from opposite sex it’s more of attraction or sexual in nature but again JUDGEMENTAL.

The problem is with our intentions – when the same graze, stare can make heart melts why does it makes many ladies like Anita feel robbed of dignity? Why does this staring make me feel naked even when I am fully clothed? Why this staring digs at my spirits when I meet up my boss in office (who happens to be a lady). A simple smile, an interval and positive eye contact can make any stare feel better or appropriate. When this thin line of decency and obscenity is crossed advertent or inadvertently “Our Stare Will Get Faulty”. Anita and Rodger are fighting for the same cause and effect syndrome, ogling/staring at workplace does have negative impacts. Anita, could be wrong in interpreting the Gaze, but she has her right to raise voice against it.

This post is written for the #BarAThon challenge by @blogarhythm1 looking ahead to read some wonderful posts and hear from you what you think about this post 🙂

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26 Comments

Wow, that’s a nice cute story you have with your better half ❤️
I agree, it’s really sad that everything in India is pinned on the girls, so what if the way, the perverts stare!
PS- when twilight came I fell in love with Edward Cullen 😉

gleefulblogger
· June 17, 2017 at 6:06 pm

You’ve hit the nail on the head with that ending… whether the stare is with admiration or bad intent, the woman has every right to object if she feels uncomfortable. And the companies should aim to ensure that women do not get slut-shamed or their feelings cheapened by pinning the blame on them for the problem of the guy.

NIcely written Dipika. One can never be sure about intentions of the person staring. How many times I have seen it happening in weddings when other women scan each other from head to toe for what the other is wearing and it leaves a uncomfortable feeling when it happens while that person is face to face. I hate to take it away from your writing but what compelled me to give this post a read was Edward Cullen’s stare 🙂

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