Move over Emily, there's a new wolf girl in town!

1. Tell me more and I can help

Tolley has just finished reading Looney’s crack-fic. She is laughing so hard she can barely breathe…

T: Ow, my ribs... I think I may be suffocating...

L: But when you're a vampire you don't need to breathe-remember Tolley? Tolley? *pokes Tolley* Jasper -you did remember to make her into a vampire didn't you! Jasper!

T: *lies lifelessly on the floor having suffocated from laughing too hard at Looney's crack-fic...**Jasper walks into room*J: Looney, you've killed Robyn. You know, now I'm gonna have to come round your house and drink your blood!*Jasper sobs tearlessly over Robyn's dead body*

*Looney walks out the room and upstairs*L: Now as long as I'm not cornered by-Hey Emmett.Em: you seen Tolley? I want to just say how wonderful her crack-fics areL: Thank the lord he hasn't seen mine yet... I mean yes, and give her this *gives Emmett a phoenix down* *Emmett leaves*L: See – phoenix down – that means she can come back to life!! *Looney runs away because she knows Emmett is now after her*

J: *reads through Looney’s crack-fic again* 0.o ‘"Edward?" A moan echoed from upstairs.’ So... Robyn and I are in a wardrobe, and you're moaning Edward's name? I am very afraid... Well, at least it's slightly better than Robyn's *shudders* I mean, honestly! Did you dare her to use an adult shop or something? *shudders* That is something I never want to imagine...

L: Well... you see Jasper… May I suggest we watch this interesting video that Esme taped? It's really very good... And why am I moaning for Edward upstairs may I ask?

*Jasper makes Robyn forget to breathe* *Robyn passes out* J: Sweet, now I can use the computer! What videotape? It's one of the lines from your story, near the end. What's Emmett doing round your place anyway?

L: Well, I had to get someone to reach the Frisbee from the roof...

J: Uhuh. You know, six is also an evil number? It's not as bad as 2, but still... *prods Robyn* Damn, she's still unconscious...

T: WHAT?!? *leaps up and grabs Jasper* Damnit Looney, you lied!L: I didn’t lie...I just didn't tell the whole truth (he was taking off his sweater) But then again… I could probably make him if there was a good game of dares going on. You know my talent for that game...T: *eyes widen* Jasper... Let's play internet dares...J: With who?T: Uh... You know, you, me... *mutters* Looney...J: NO.T: Pwease?J: ...T: *puppy dog eyes*J: ...T: *puppy dog eyes*J: What are you doing?

L: HEY GUYS! I'M TOTALLY UP FOR IT!J: Great now look what you've done...T: YAY! Let's play!L: Jasper kiss Tolley properly.J: Why am I first?L & T: BECAUSE WE WANT YOU TO!J: Robyn?T: *dazzled* Yeah…?E: Hey guys, what's happening?L: Sh! I’m trying to get Jasper and Tolley to kiss properly. You know with tongues. Because you don't let me! *pouts*E: You know that's because of the venom…L: WELL IF YOU CHANGED ME WE WOULDN'T HAVE THAT PROBLEM! IN FACT EDWARD ANTONY MASON CULLEN – J: Dude; how does she know your middle name?L: - IN FACT – I DON'T CARE WHO BITES ME! I'M NO BELLA, IT'D BE NICE FOR YOU TO, BUT I'M FINE! JASPER, GET YOU BUTT OVER HERE NOW!T: *pouts* But Looney; that butt has my name all over it and you know it!L: *sobbing* I DON'T CARE! JASPER – BITE ME DAMN IT!J: *scared* Err...L: Do it and I’ll let Tolley use my whip!J: 0.0 I’m coming over right this second.T: *scowls*E: Looney… JASPER DON'T YOU DARE!!!!L: *innocent* But honey; that's the whole point of dares!

T: Jasper Damnit, get your shmexy vampire arse back here now! I have my own whip you know! And there is no way in heaven nor hell that Looney is going to be vampire-ised! Have you any idea he torment we would go through with HER hanging around for eternity?!?J: Ok, ok I get the point, Jeeze... *trails back*E: Thank you Tolley.T: I didn't do it for your benefit retard. And DON'T CALL ME TOLLEY!E: Eep... *runs away to play piano like the cissy girl he is*J: Hang on Robyn, don't you play piano?T: Err...L: Yeah, Tolls, you play piano too! Don't you diss my boyfriend! *pushes*T: Oh no you didn't!L: Oh yes I did!T: Oh no you didn't!L: Oh yes I did!T: Oh no y- Wait, you did! *slaps*J: Robyn! Es: Now really, what is going on here? OMC, Edward, you have DIRT on your NOSE!!! *whips out polishing cloth*J & T: We'll be going now...

L: W-w-w-w-w-hy did you... *cries*E: *pats on back* It's okay, it's okay.Es: No it's not – THIS DIRT WILL NOT COME OFF! WHY ARE YOU SO DIRTY!All: …L: Trust me; she does not mean it the same way I do.J & T: Eeewwww!!!!L: Just because you guys are too scared to kiss longer than 5 minutes doesn't mean the rest of the world doesn't!J & E: …T: That hurt Looney!L: So did that slap! *points to hand mark on face*J: I really think we should go now; I hear someone coming-L: IF IT'S BELLA I'LL KILL HER! *Looney pulls out chainsaw* Anyone care to join me!T: Count me in!E: But you were just fighting...T: Dude, we're girls. we fight; make up, friends for life. NOW LET'S GO BURN THAT GIRL’S-L: CARLISLE!T: Burn that girl’s Carlisle? Looney you alright?L: NO, CARLISLE! AND HE HAS A LONG STICK WITH MY NAME ON IT! AAAAAAAGGGHHH *jumps into Edward’s arms* Quick – to the Batmobile!E: Wha…? Stick? Err… *is worried because of the wrong images filling Tolley’s mind*Alice: Bu-but who's going to let me do their hair?L: Try Carlisle. Or Esme. It’ll hold them off for a minute! Au revoooooiiiiiirrrrrrrr…*smoke bomb*L: WHY DO I ALWAYS END UP HALF NAKED?E: Maybe we should take off that underwear if it upsets you so much...J & T: Eeeeewwwwwww! GROSS! DIDN'T NEED YOU TO DAMAGE OUR DELICATE EARS THANKS!L: Just go and burn Bella. And take out Carlisle and Esme. And then post Alice to GW will ya? I'm going to be busy for a while...

5 minutes to candy mountain later…L: WE'RE ALL GOING ON A LION HUNT!T: Awww – but the magical leopluradon is up soon!E: Lion-where? *looks around furiously*J: Dude, you just hunted!E: Oh yeah.*Delia comes out of the bushes*D: Hey you guys; were you following the leprechauns too?T & L & J & E: Err...Es: YES! THEY TOOK MY HOVER! ATTAACCCCKKK!*Esme charges randomly into a tree*T: Good for you then. Let's go....L: Edward, can I ride you?J: EW! – NOW THAT WAS DIRTY!L: For once in my life, I didn't mean it that way...T & J & E & D: *blink* Really?L: Uhuh. But now I do!E: Let's do it when we can be alone – okay?L: *pouting* Sure, sure...T: Oh no, she's taken the dog's saying now...

All: Sure you did...L: All I’m saying is that it was a surprisingly well placed hole!Lex: Dudes; why am I in this tutu thing anyway? It doesn't go with the whole 'whoop yo ass thing' I was just talking about!T: DOES NO ONE CARE THAT I'M STUCK DOWN THIS HOLE! AND I THINK I BROKE A WRIST!C: Is it painful?T: YES YOU IDIOT!C: *Mr. Burns impression* Excellent...*Tasha giggles evilly**stage whisper* E: Is she okay?!? *points to Tasha*Em: Dude – you’re the one with the girlfriend called Looney.L: Yes – but I would like to point out; I don't eat moon-sugar all the timeT: LOONEY; TELL ME YOU DID NOT JUST SAY MOO-TASHA: MOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNSSSSSSSSSSSUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRR!T: I am going to stay in this hole for a long time now...Good luck all you people up there having to put up with her mess!Lex: MOVE OVER TOLLS! I'M COMING DOWN!T: *evil grin* Sorry, no room!Lex: I bet you'd let Jasper down... Sadly, he ran up a tree. Something about a goo-TASHA: MOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNSSSSSSSSSSSUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRR!L: About a what?Lex: About a goo-Tasha: MOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNSSSSSSSSSSSUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRR!Lex: ABOUT A DAMN GOOSE!L & T: Oh…E: *also up a tree* What are you 'oh-ing' about?L: You know; I love fan fictions and they’re happenings. Now we just have to wait for the swan and-Carlisle: SWAN?!? WHERE?!? COME MY LOVE WE MUST RUN AWAY! *picks up Tasha and runs from site*Tasha: MOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNSSSSSSSSSSSUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRR!*Jasper jumps into hole with Tolley, starts to go into foetal position*J: *rocking back and forth…* They can't find me here... No... Not a chance... I will one day get my revenge... Oh Oklahoma...Buh-bye birdies...Lex: Dude – your boyfriend scares me....

T: *shrugs* Whatever. Your sock obsession scares me.L: *shakes head* Youngsters these days… I'm going to join the convent down the road… *wanders off in Nun’s outfit*All: Whoa, that was a little out-of-character…E: B-b-but…J: *sniggering* There, there Edward, it’s gonna be alright!Em: Dude, don’t be such a wuss!T: Yeah, run after her and drag her back here!Lex: Prove your love!Ta: If you don’t, I will!All: … T: Ok. I'm tired… I'm gonna make myself a peanut butter sandwich and then go to bed…Jacob: *frantic* Hey guys, can you get five-and-a-half-foot tall penguins?T: Not that I'm aware of…Jake: Dude, I just hit a nun! *panicking*All: …E: Looney! *sobs* WHY MUST YOU ALWAYS HURT THE ONES I LOVE! *attacks Jake*T: Dude, isn’t it obvious? He’s jealous!E: Well, she is very pretty…Lex: *snort*Alice: *dragging GW* He’s not jealous of you… He’s jealous of Looney…J: *laughing* He… Wants you!Em: Dude!L: What I miss? *limping slightly*T: *laughing* Looney *gasp* the dog – wants – your *wheeze* Boyfriend! *gasp*L: … DUDE! THREESOME!!!T: Ooh, can I join in?Ta: Me too!Lex: And me!Em: Yeah!J: Count me in!Al: Err… I foresee lots of fun… At the mall…GW: Again? Alice, we just got back!L: Wait… *starts counting* One, two, three, four… STOP MOVING!Ta: Let’s just call it an Orgy and be done with it!Es: …T: *screams from kitchen*All: *look at one another and run towards the kitchen*Ta: What is it my love?J: Hey frizzy, that’s my line! *grabs Robyn* What is it sweetheart?R: Smooth… smooth…L: Am I the only one getting wrong thoughts from this?E: Yup.L: Oh…T: CRUNCHY!!! *grabs Jasper’s shirt* I NEED CRUNCHY!J: *looks helplessly at Edward*E: From what I can gather… There’s only smooth peanut butter left…T: I NEED CRUNCHY PEANUT BUTTER! *nervous breakdown* Ah! F-f-f-fish! Sparkly! *hysterical laughter* Shoes, mushroom, motorbike, baby, LSD… RAINBOWS AND UNICORNS!!! *starts sobbing* My precious, my precious…All: …