September 28, 2010

Scientists in the U.K. are studying the moves of dancing avatars to determine what men can do to attract women—while here in the U.S. the science news of the day is the discovery of a new species of fly, the Japanese dancing fly, that apparently attract females via a strange boxing glove-shaped growth on one or both legs that turns its flying into something loopy resembling dancing.(Researchers from Wales.People, I keep saying the Brits have it over us in sex science research.)What better subject than sexy movement for Tantra Tango Tuesdays?

I admit I do find the fly story rather amusing.(I wonder if Isabella Rossellini will feature it in “Green Porno” one day.)Though nature most often rewards symmetry, in this case, some of the flies are decidedly asymmetric, with a bump on only one leg.And the bumps—one or two—show down their flying, creating that “dancing” movement which lady flies must get.

“One struggles to explain why they are asymmetric — it could mean that this thing sits down on a log and sticks one leg up in the air to attract females,” said Adrian Plant a taxonomist at the National Museum of Wales, one of the study’s authors describing their finding in the journal Biology Letters. “We need more in-the-field live observations of the insects.”

According to the New York Times article on the study, “Further research is needed, but it is possible that the gloves also contain silk-secreting glands that allow the flies to capture prey and display their catch to potential female partners.”

On the other hand, the psychologists at Northumbria University in Newcastle, the U. K., told Live Science that their research was clear.They recruited 19 men between the ages of 18 and 35 to move to a German dance track.Reflectors attached to their clothing recorded their moves.And using film techniques employed in “Lord of the Rings,” the researchers created white faceless dancing men and asked women to rate them.Why avatars?So women wouldn’t be distracted by looks, of course.

The winning moves?Upper bodies and knees.The pelvis didn’t factor heavily into the equation.

Really?

Let’s cut to the chase:If you really want to learn some sexy sensual moves and you’re in New York City—come to Tantra Tuesday and watch Anton Diaz and his beautiful wife Rita take to the floor. Tonight they are adding Sexy Salsa (6-7 p.m.) to Tantra Tango (7 to 8). There’s definitely some pelvis work going on there—especially at the Garterbelt Salsa Tango Party from 9 to 1. Club Tantra, 45 E. 34St (between Madison and Park) 3rd floor.

Regarding Sex Motion, stay tuned.I am working with an authority on body movement on a new approach to sex motion for men and women.Soon.

Photo Credit: "Sexy Avatars" on Photobucket

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August 22, 2010

Do you remember how excited you got over new school supplies when you were a kid? (I still love a fresh notebook.) What if you'd been a homeless child walking into a new classroom with nothing in your hand, dependent on the teacher and your classmates scraping together some pads of paper and old crayons for you?

February 26, 2010

I have been thinking lately about what it means to be “un-partnered”—which isn’t the same thing as being celibate.Women writing to Auntie Sue must have the same subject on their minds, because they want to know:Why doesn’t he call after we spent a great night together?Why am I the hook-up/one-night-stand?Why did he marry someone else six months after the break-up of our long relationship when he wouldn’t marry me?(Susan McNabb, Jerry Seinfeld’s ex-lover of eight years duration, is writing a book on being the one not chosen. Wince.)

Some women still tell one another:He’s just scared of the intense feelings he has for you.(Oh, ha.)More and more women are acknowledging, however, that they are un-partnered—and not only asking why but examining what that means for the long term.Lovers, we have. Flowers and designer chocolates, we get. If you see us dining out with a man, you probably note that he is more attentive than the average man to his woman.But the man is not ours.

A few weeks ago I heard the talented and beautiful Arie Thompson sing at Freia Gallery in Harlem.She has a rich sexy voice and a way with tunes from Billie Holiday’s moody “Left Alone” to a better up-tempo version of “Fifty Ways To Leave Your Lover” than Paul Simon sang.The theme of her show and the title of the new CD “Passionate Solitude” grew out of her realization that she was the only one of her friends who was and always had been “un-partnered” whether she was with a man or not.

She talked the talk of the young and bravely romantic:

“When you are not with one man, you get to be with many.”

“You can appreciate intimacy on so many levels.”

She told a poignant story of a hook-up that was a “soul connection”.(He didn’t call.She called him.“I’m in a relationship,” he said, “but you’re right—we really connected.”)

And she asked, “Do we lack such imagination that longevity is the only measure of success in a relationship?”

She’s not thirty yet.How will she feel if, ten, twenty years later, she remains un-partnered, doing everything that needs to be done on her own?An acquaintance in her fifties told me about the responses of married friends to her financial plight:“Every one of them is comfortable because she is married.Yet they all gave me judgmental ‘advice’ that, in varying degrees of subtlety, placed the blame on me for the loss of my job.”

The new book Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enoughby Lori Gotlieb –the one causing such an uproar—speaks to her.Now she wishes she had married Mr. Not Quite Right.In her twenties and thirties and even into her forties, she romanticized the life of the urban single woman.She proudly would not “settle.”Ironically, I hear from unmarried men in their forties expressing regret at letting the “perfect girl” go in their twenties because they weren’t ready “to settle down” and also resentment at the women in their thirties now who won’t “settle” for them.

I wonder how "settling" has worked out for the women who did.

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February 13, 2010

It’s all about babes today—where you can read them, see them, hear them sing—and let them help you through Valentine’s/President’s weekend whether you are partnered or not.

One night at the bar at Maxie’s Grill, I noticed a beautiful young woman who looked both mysteriously exotic and warmly approachable.Mixed race, café au lait skin, short sexy curly hair, a size 0-2, stylish in a little black dress and boots—she had everything going on.

Liz Weber, the writer, was tending bar that night.I’d just discovered Liz’s wonderful blog about everything from her travels and loss of her beloved dog to.working “Hunkmania.”She introduced me to Glorie and said, “She’s a writer too.” Of course she is. The city is full of writers.

Within minutes, she was telling me her story (which she was just beginning to blog):

"No one's ever touched me the way Denver Riche did," she said. "His hands explored my body as if they owned it. He handled me with such confidence, a gentle aggression that made me hold my breath until his hands were off of me and the lingering sensation of them was gone. And it all meant nothing...."

Photo Credit: "Heart" by Arona K on Photobucket

A few years ago I met Arie Thompson, the jazz singer, when she was tending bar at Native restaurant (Lenox Avenue and 118th Street).We discovered that we come from the same part of the country, the St. Louis area, and have a connection that goes back decades.I’ve seen Arie go through many hairstyles and revamp her act a time or two since then.She is art in motion, beautiful and talented at every stage.

If you’re in New York City, come hear her sing this weekend at Casa Freia Gallery in Harlem. (And if you have never been to Native Restaurant, where the food is excellent, the prices are good, the atomosphere is sophisticated and eclectic and the babes are beatiful--again, I want to know why not?)

She says, "I got the idea for this show over the course of the last year and a half. Just before that, I had been seeing a man. He was never my boyfriend, but we had such a profound soul connection that hearing the news of his imminent move to Europe and marriage to another woman broke my heart. Broke it open at such a deep level that revelation and illumination were the only safe options. A little while later, over dim sum with friends in Chinatown, it slowly thawed in me that I was the only person out of a relatively larger circle of friends who was and had perennially been un-partnered.

Elizabeth Bard, author of Lunch in Paris:A Love Story with Recipes (Little Brown) went to Paris for a weekend, sat down to lunch with a handsome Frenchman—and never came home again.

“I arrived in Paris at the beginning of April, just as the song instructs,” she says; and her romance is as charming as the song.

She learns Paris through its cuisine.French culture, she tells us, is “not unlike a well-ripened cheese”—crusty exterior, melting, piquant heart.Her descriptions of everything from the open markets to gutting a fish are new and fresh.

When the lovers’ mothers meet, she writes:“The contrast was striking:Nicole, tiny and blonde, capable of sitting in silence with a volume of Lacan and a pot of herbal tea for hours at a time; my mother, with jet-black hair and hands always in motion, the kind of person who talks to strangers on planes and trains.”

The recipes are wonderful!The lover/cousin/lawyer [He finds this designation amusing.] made the Individual Molten Chocolate Cakes in a bed and breakfast kitchen—and spoon fed one to me while I saw on a stool, legs wrapped around his waist.Perfect.

Buy the book and cook for your lover or with your lover—or for yourself.Food, especially chocolate food, is love too.

Photo Credit: "Heart" by Wonder Lick on Photobucket

Finally, Valentine kisses to Bill Clinton, a man who loves babes, especially the one he married.May that great and generous heart go on beating for many years to come.

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July 14, 2009

There is a definite connection between music and sex. I met Jean-Claude last year at the bar at Jazz Standard. He complimented my legs in a way that made me want to wrap them around his waist. Then he played out the beat of the music ever so lightly with his thumb on my knee. By the time he was holding my hand and caressing my wrist, I had decided to go to bed with him. What New York woman hasn't been enticed by a visiting Parisian? We had four erotic nights together; and now, he writes, he will be back in town this week. I wanted to take him to Tantra Tango Tuesdays at Sexy Spirits, but, his flight won't arrive in time. Too bad. How better to celebrate the French Revolution than by dancing the Argentine tango with a Frenchman?

"Tantra Tango?" he asked. "Is that some American's idea of a sexier tango? You do know that the tango passion started in Paris, don't you?"

I did a little research and discovered that, yes, he's right about the history. Tango was born in the Buenos Aries brothels in the mid-1800s and spread to the cities of Europe with Paris leading the first international Tango craze in 1912. Wealthy Argentinians didn't embrace their native dance until it was a success abroad. Parisians also launched tango on its modern journey with the big stage show Tango Argentino in 1983.

But Tantra Tango is not to be dismissed as "some American's idea of a sexier tango." It is a sexier tango. Created by Richard Anton Diaz, World Champion Latin Ballroom Dancer and Tantra teacher, it "fuses the energies of Tantra with the dark, intimate dance of the tango." Introducing the Tantric element, he says, "deepens connections that allow us to dance intimately with a stranger."

On Tuesdays nights the strangers come together at Sexy Spirits in midtown Manhattan. The class is mostly for beginners and intermediate couples and singles. Anton does recommend private lessons for newcomers to get the most out of the dances. (When you go to the Sexy Spirits website to learn more on Tantra Tango Tuesdays, sign up for the newsletter, artistically illustrated and informative, a little gem in itself.)

He says," My desire to teach this most sensual social dance was in large part inspired by my lonely nights as bachelor when I got my 'fix' for intimacy and affection by simply going out to a Tango salon. There I had the opportunity to be in close embrace with many women in one evening, their breasts pressed against my chest, our eyes closed inward as if making secret love. I went home alone, as desired, but felt so fulfilled from my intimate connections with women who, to this day, I don't even know."

Photo: Anton and his lovely lady Rita

Go out and dance with a stranger tonight. Maybe you'll find someone to join you after for a glass of red wine, some French cheese and a baguette. Viva la France!

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August 02, 2008

“At the end of the day, I guess the quality of a woman’s sex life is determined by how deeply she allows herself to feel pleasure.”

That provocative quote is from Arie Thompson, who is a young, talented, beautiful and smart champion of female sexual empowerment, especially in the arts. I met her a few summers ago when she was tending bar part time at Native restaurant in Harlem.

(In one of those little twists of fate, I discovered that her father was our family "hero doctor", the ENT specialist back in Illinois who extracted a piece of rubber bug from my then 3 year old son’s nose—after our pediatrician had thoroughly botched the job, leaving little boy and young parents frantic.) I’ve followed her music career ever since.

She’s singing this coming Monday, August 4, in lower Manhattanat The Delancey, 168 Delancey Street, between Clinton and Attorney streets. (Take the F train to Delancey.) She goes on stage at 9 p.m, but there are earlier acts beginning at 7 and Happy Hour drink prices between 7 and 8.

If you live in New York City—or happen to be visiting us—come downtown to hear Arie. She is worth the trip.

“I think that many people, women and men, are afraid of feeling too good about anything. A lot of women probably don’t have the time and/or mental/emotional space to really get to know themselves sexually.

“So much of what is publicized as hot female sexuality is about being sexually appealing to someone else. That doesn’t encourage women to develop a deep understanding of what turns us on. It takes some self-exploration to find out what really feels good to you beyond a simple climax. For numerous reasons, not every woman feels entitled to pleasure or inspired to undertake that kind of exploration.”

I have tried and tried to insert the photo that represents Arie’s self-described "brand." (Brian, my IT guy is out of town; and computer experts consulted in his absence had no luck with it either.) Imagine this: A shot of Arie's beautiful cleavage, with a flame tattoo over one breast and a rivulet of water running down her chest and her red-painted fingertips framing the water and fire. It's a little piece of art! And once Brian returns, I hope you'll be able to see it.

“I call that photo my brand with a wink even though I mean it. The brand is really just me— that image is such a perfect self-portrait of me at this stage. So much of my work is about integrating my fire and my water, my male and my female, my persona and my soul, flesh and spirit— all the opposites whose pulling and pushing provide the tension that lets me stand. The emphasis is on my heart as opposed to my face.

"The image exposes the process of creative balance and, I hope, will encourage others to find their own balance."

copyright 2008-2011, www.sexyprime.typepad.com; PARTIAL reposts only permitted with link back to original article on SexyPrime