The Gray Area

Not everything is a perfect fit. You may feel mostly asexual, but not entirely. You may feel slightly sexual on an infrequent basis, but not enough to fit in with other people you know. You may relate more to the asexual community, despite not quite being asexual yourself. This is what we call the gray area – not quite asexual, but experiencing many of the same things that asexuals do and most sexual people don’t. (Note: the alternate spelling of “grey” is also acceptable.)

What makes a person gray?

Some gray folks may have had some sexual experiences in their past, but it was fleeting and doesn’t reflect their ongoing experiences or sense of self. Others who identify as being in the gray area might feel vague and infrequent sexual attraction but it’s not enough to act on. This is a very subjective topic based on personal interpretation of intrinsic feelings and experiences, but the common ground is usually that people in the gray area have had some semblance of sexuality that’s far lower than almost all other people who identify as sexual.

Is graysexual a type of asexual?

This is a semantic debate that pops up from time to time. Graysexual folks experience sexuality to a very minor degree. Some people may say this means they do not meet the definition of asexual in the strictest sense of the word. However, most of the asexual community, including AVEN, has been inclusive of graysexual folks since the very beginning. Some people feel their experiences are so close to asexual experiences that they identify specifically as gray-asexual or just gray-a.

Is demisexual a type of graysexual?

Demisexuality is feeling no sexual attraction towards other people unless a strong emotional bond has been established. This is often included in or paired with the graysexual category because demisexual people may essentially feel like they’re asexual when they don’t have that bond with anyone, and the bond typically takes a long time to establish.

Can graysexuality be combined with other sexual or romantic orientations?

Yes, of course! Someone might find their blips of sexual attraction are tied to a certain gender, which could lead them to identify as gray-homosexual or gray-heterosexual if either applies. Graysexual people can also hold any romantic orientation that identifies the gender they’re romantically attracted to, regardless of how sexual they may or may not be.

Are graysexuals welcome on AVEN?

Absolutely!!! The asexual community is built around relating to other people’s experiences on the complex topic of sexuality (or, in our case, a general lack of it). Common ground can be found among very diverse groups of people. Gray folks are always welcome on AVEN, especially since many of them may have identified as simply asexual at some point. There is an entire forum on AVEN called The Gray Area, Sex, and Related Discussions where members can discuss topics and experiences in the gray area. (Note that there could be explicit or sensitive content discussed on that forum, particularly its subforum The Sex Talk.)

The Asexual Visbility and Education Network hosts the world's largest online asexual community and archive of resources on asexuality.