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25 .COM featured a special pledge by Leesa to Sidney to “watch ABC Kids with her, be her other mother and look after her.” The Vows to each other included “to trust you, respect you, laugh and cry with you. To encourage and nurture your individuality and creativity.” They have taken these pledges seriously into their new family life. For Jaimie and Lin, the journey and challenges have involved hard work, teamwork, fun and laughter, and creating a family that includes some unusual pets. They met at the infamous Imperial Hotel in Erskineville. Jaimie asked Lin for a lighter, little knowing that some time later, when both of them were unattached, that each would be lighting up the other’s life! When each was finally free to be with the other, and they began meeting and talking together at the women’s baths at Coogee, they realised that this was something serious and special. They moved in together and began a catering business at the Burdekin Hotel Bistro in Oxford Street where both began putting in major overtime entertaining people’s tastebuds. Their family, like so many same sex couples creating their own, has grown from Ruby the cat to other family members including budgies, cockatiel, tropical fish and adopted dog Eliza. Their ceremony was a wonderful affair on Shark Island and although it rained, that just added to the fun. Lin had a dream that everyone let go balloons and it was wonderful to see a hundred heart shaped red balloons head up into a dramatic inky Sydney skyline. Gaby the violinist stood and played a melody on a large sandstone rock whipped by the waves as the wind flirted with all the guests and a beautiful sonnet by Pablo Neruda was read. Each promised to the other to “always encourage you, nurture you, and be your rock on which to build our family and make our plans together. …to start and end each day in your arms for all the days of my life… now and forever.” The common thread in all these relationships? The love stuff is easy. When things go well we live in a love bubble where the world radiates good will and our own internal serotonin-created love pharmaceutical factory takes over. But to really love with all your heart in a way that sometimes means putting partner first...well, that can be an ask that pushes us way past our comfort zone. What is more interesting, demanding and ultimately satisfying is how we face up to and manage the challenging times. At times our anger can seem overwhelming, and connecting with grace and goodwill almost impossible. How do we maintain a healthy relationship whilst remaining in love? What does it take and is it possible? I don’t have ready answers. But from the work I do and the strong, committed women I meet who are clear about making a positive difference in each other’s lives I would say: Love does prevail, transform, endure. Just don’t take it for granted. When you find someone who is so special you simply cannot imagine life without them; when you need to be with them just as you need to breathe in and out; in that case the choice is made and any challenges are opportunities to creatively express this commitment. 1. Find yourself a positive support network Take a look at the people you surround yourself with. Are they supportive and encouraging or are they keeping you in the doldrums? Now is the time to reconnect with old friends and make new ones. 2. Keep a journal A great way to gather your thoughts. Journal writing is an individual thing. It doesn’t matter what the journal looks like, it matters that you can clear your mind by writing things down. 3. Learn to ask for what you needWe are brought up to not complain and this can become ‘do not ask for help.’ Find the professionals you need; therapist, solicitor, financial expert, children’s expert, mediator, coach, gardener, cleaner, or whomever it is you need to help you. Interview them and see if they are the right person to take on your business. 4. Parent your children Love them, listen to them and hug them. Do not expect them to take sides. At all times be honest with them but remember they are children and do not need to be over-burdened with your problems. Do not over compensate with treats; be a parent – that is your job. 5. Be kind and look after yourselfBy eating healthy meals, drinking plenty of water, getting sleep and exercise you will give yourself the reserves and mental capacity to meet all your needs and the extra you will encounter as part of the separation process. 6. Remember the good things in your life If you constantly remember all the things in your life that are working, your mood will be bright and your decisions will come from a positive and vital place. 7. Challenge the way you think about yourself and listen closely to the way you speak to yourself. Now is the time to get rid of all the ‘I can’ts’ or ‘I shoulds’. Change the way you communicate with yourself to ‘I can’ and ‘I do’. How you communicate with yourself will directly effect how you communicate with others. 8. Written goals are a great way to get and keep focus Look at each section of your life, write down how it looks today and give it a score out of ten. Write a new goal for that section, and every day without fail do something to work toward that new goal. 9. Keep the separation in its rightful place Do not let it take over your life. You are still a friend, parent, family member; you can still work, laugh, and be good company. Separation is a massive change but losing yourself in it makes it overwhelming. Continue to do the things you enjoy. 10. Look at your communication skills Separation includes negotiations, and pushing the same old buttons is only conducive to a longer, more bitter settlement. If there are children involved you are going to have an ongoing relationship with your ex. Look at the way you speak to or react to your ex. If they choose fighting words you do not have to react and can change the outcome by changing your behaviour. 11. Do not date for at least one year By being alone you have the time to learn from your last relationship. Time to change those areas and habits that have not worked for you in the past. Being content to be alone and liking your own company makes you more readily able to understand what it really is you want from a relationship. Eleven Ways To Survive Separation Should “happily ever after” not be in the cards for you and your partner, life coach Nicola Baume has some help. Looking at a separation as a positive experience may not be possible while you are going through it as it is a very turbulent time. Life as you know it has ceased and a new unknown lies ahead. You may not know where to start and be unsure of the legal process and afraid of what the future holds. However, it is the perfect opportunity to personally grow and benefit from the process. Here are some tips to do achieve this.