Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. This was submitted bya guy who purchased his lovely wife a "pocket Taser" for theiranniversary. Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shopthat sparked my interest. The occasion was our 22nd anniversary and Iwas looking for a little something extra for my wife Toni. What I cameacross was a 100,000 volt,pocket/purse sized taser. The effects of thetaser were suppose to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affecton your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety ....WAY TOO COOL!

Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded twoAAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I wasdisappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button ANDpressed it against a metal surface at the same time, I'd get the bluearch of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.Awesome!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Toni what that burnspot is on the face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that itcouldn't be all that bad with only two AAA batteries, right?!!! There Isat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting littlesoul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I reallyneeded to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I mustadmit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) andthought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going togive this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I didwant some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my readingglasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in onehand, taser in another. The directions said that a one second burstwould shock and disorient your assailant; a two second burst wassupposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; athree second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on theground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three secondswould be wasting the batteries.

All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long,less than 3/4" in circumference; pretty cute really and loaded with twoitsy, bitsy AAA batteries) thinking to myself, "no possible way!"

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do mybest..... I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her headcocked to one side as to say, "don't do it master," reasoning that a onesecond burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all thatbad. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for the heck ofit. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and HOLYMOTHER, WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION@!@$$!%_!@*!!!

I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked meup in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over andover and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetalposition, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire,testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body inthe oddest position, and tingling in my legs. The cat was standing overme making meowing sounds I had never heard before, licking my face,undoubtedly thinking to herself, "do it again, do it again!"

Note: If you ever feel compelled to "mug" yourself with a taser, onenote of caution: There is no such thing as a one second burst when youzap yourself. You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodgedfrom your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three secondburst would be considered conservative.

SON-OF-A-.. that hurt like h_ _ _!!! A minute or so later (I can't besure, as time was a relative thing at that point), collected my wits(what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bentreading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. How did they up getthere??? My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching.My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lipweighed 88 lbs.

He made the right choice1) If he had hit the cat, then he would have been being cruel and inhumane to the cat. in which case he should then have the same tazer turned on himself. ending in a similar result

2) since he was stupid enough to actually turn the tazer on himself voluntarilly, then he deserved to wake up in rather compromising positions on the floor feeling like he was thrown from a train into a gravel pit.

Since he decided not to zap the feline, he got the less painful of the two options, and the much more humane. While the feline got a really funny show.

hang on, lemme pick myself up off the floor!!! thats hilarious!! it reminds me of the time i got a shock- collar for my dog (the leprechaun) she's very fuzzy especially around the neck (a chow chow and wolf mix). the thing had 12 different shock settings so i started on 5...son of a ouch! it was king of like licking the top side of a 9 volt battery, only worse. although nothing liek the poor ole chap who's still searching for his testicles!

A couple months I read an article about policemen urging others not to "test the tazer". Police officers usually offer up the strongest officer to sacrifice themselves for a demonstration. What the officers have found is there are long term injuries associated but not advertised by the manufacturers. At best I'd suggest after you find your testicles you never attack yourself again or really make your wife extremely angry.