Dar Si Jati Hai Sila ~ Episodes 4-10 Review

Drawing inspiration from news headlines, Dar Si Jati Hai Sila is a story of depravity, reprehensible behavior, deplorable moral values, lack of compunction, and no fear of retribution among those that you would less suspect of such behaviour – yes the much touted middle class, the upholders of ashraf vlaues.

A lot has happened in Noor Manzil since we last visited 7 weeks ago, but not in a happy way. After a broken engagement with her cousin, Sila is now all set to marry Joi Mama, with the full blessings of her father. Saleem’s arrival did little to change things for Sadia and Sila or indeed for Hatim. And how could it? For change to happen, Saleem had to be interested beyond a superficial level. A few close interactions with his family and it was evident that he was in Pakistan only to maintain appearances and fulfill obligations. His palpable relief at Sadia’s refusal to go to Canada was the last nail in the coffin – he was happily settled there with a life and possibly a family of his own choice and needed no reminders of this other life of his.

Also revealed is the fact that Hatim is Joi’s son and the reason why for Sadia’s very complicated relationship with her son. Infact it is not just her son, it is entirely possible that her daughter too is an unhappy reminder of an unfortunate union with her legally wedded husband, hence the strained relationship there too. This complicated relationship, between the mother and her children, is beautifully etched out by the writer, subtle and nuanced, a painful potrait of a mother torn between her natural maternal instinct to love and protect her children but at the same rejecting them for what they represent – constant reminders of pain and humiliation. Reminds me of Amrita Pritam’s very powerful characterization of Puro’s complicatedfeelings towards her child in Pinjar.

After all these years Sadia recognizes Salim’s disinterest. Her few attempts to open up a line of communication are rudely and at times violently shut down, and I strongly suspect this has been an ongoing pattern in their relationship, hence her very foolhardy and ill-advised, and to say nothing of downright dangerous, attempts to handle Joi’s sexual abuse, as per the limited means at her disposal and her lack of trustworthy confidants.

By continuing to offer herself up like a sacrificial lamb to an experienced predator like Joi she might have thought she was buying his silence, but his odious salivating and lip smacking joy at the prospect of marrying Sila has put paid to any and all of those thoughts. But here’s the thing. Instead of using this as an opportunity to open up to her daughter and confide in her, she chooses to do the complete opposite. She goes back to Joi and begs him to refuse the marriage proposal. This mind-boggling scene is enough to set Sila off who in turn accepts Joi’s proposal publicly. In doing so Sila, in her mind, is protecting Sadia’s reputation and her affair with Joi. Had Sadia opened up to Sila this would’ve never happened.

Initially it was Sadia who was suffering, but now Sila too is caught up – both mother and daughter have been dragged into a maelström which could have been avoided had the mother been able to understand what protecting a daughter really meant.

Daughters can only be protected when mothers climb down from the pedestals that society and they themselves place themselves on – when they open themselves as women and talk one on one with their daughters, as equals. When come clean about their mistakes, their times of weaknesses and those human moments. When they put aside the fear of being judged. When they are just themselves, not somebody’s daughters, wives, and mothers. It is only then that real dialogue can began and only then will a Sila truly be free to stop being afraid. This to me is what I take away from Dar Si Jati Hai Sila – bravo Bee Gul!

Hain ? Hatim is Joies son ? Did I miss something ? When was this revealed ?
I keep waiting for Sadia to confide in Sila but I don’t understand why there’s no closeness between mother and daughter, living in that claustrophobic mahol I would have expected them to be close but it’s the opposite.
Bari Aapa is super annoying with her nonstop bakwaas.
I just hope they are not going to wait for the last episode to expose Joie. …

@Deeba: Yes, they revealed that very subtly while Hatim was visiting from the hostel and that is the reason why Sadia cant stand the sight of him, and why Joi kept on saying how much he looked like him.

Yes, thank you for bring Bari Apa up, uff she needs a muzzle!! So much bak bak! And so much repitition in her scenes with Joi! Itna bolti hain and itna ziyada same bolti hain!

Also I meant to write but totally slipped my mind that I am not happy with the exxagerated voyueristic focus on Noman Ijaz’s depraved expressions and scenes … yes he is a great actor but the camer need npt linger quite so lovingly on hos expressions and reactions .. thats so not the purpose of those scenes – quite the opposite in fact – strike one for the director!

@Deeba: No, I would say this is slightly more complicated than our acerage drama story … .Sila is def a product of Saleem and Sadia’s union, but an unhappy reminder what may as well have been a marital rape kind of a situation, almost but not quite. This is reiterated quite a few times by Saleem whenever he refers to his dislike of Sadia from day dot and how he was forced in to an unwanted rishta … while it is truly a man’s world out there and it is hard for us to see a man as a victim but just pause and think for a minute from a man’s perspective where they too are forced into unwanted marriages – for whatever reasons – and then their frustrations get taken out on this way, on their wives who really are equal victims in these situations, actually even more so … so a rishta of convenience that suits two families starts of hurting two individuals right from the get go and results in an unsuspecting victim, the child of such an unfortunate union, whose only fault is to be born in the wrong family to the wrong parents …

From there things keep going wrong …. Sadia is a wife, a mother, a bahu a beti, true all that, but she’s also a woman first and foremost, with normal desires .. not just sexual ones, but a desire to be treated with warmth and affection and respect .. someone to treat her as an entity in her own right with a functioning brain … enter Joi .. who was invited to help in with some wedding preps .. and we have all seen his oily charm at work … we are all turned off … but see how he makes zaini’s mom blush … or he has Bari Apa dancing to his tunes .. all women who crave to be seen as entities other than as machines and functional beings cooking and cleaning and serving chai and istri-ing clothes .. this is an important point being underlined by the writer here, about a woman’s unrequited needs.

And there Sadia takes that one wrong turn .. one night in Joi’s bed and she signs an arrest warrant for the rest of her life .. .had she been savvier she would’ve arranged for a miscarriage or an abortion or confided in Saleem but nahin… so much went wrong because the child born was a male child, the only male heir in the haveli. His being the only male child might’ve done the trick but afsos .. it only made things worse for her as Joi’s victim and underscored the precariousness of her status in the household as the wife of an absentee husband. She didn’t realize the extent of her shortsightedness by continuing to hide the truth from Sila, and now in her own warped way rather than protecting her daughter she’s signing away her life too …

Yes , now I see what you mean.
Thanks SZ , You are right ,Joie is such a smooth talker and knows which buttons to press.
And sadias one wrong turn has enslaved her for life.
Joie manipulates her and there’s nothing she can do .I agree I wish she had confided in Sila but alas…..
.Salim is totally baizaar with sadia and dislikes her but woh khud kya cheez hai ?

@Rehmat: Hey! So glad to hear from you on this thread too! I really wish more ppl were watching this, or atleast just participating in this convo, because it is so so important for women, for their own sake. I dont know if you were, but I was very reminded of Pehchan too, where there too Laila had too take the bold step and take matters in her own hands and make herself counted as a person in her own right, not just as Mansoor’s pretty wife or the lovely bahu or the daughter married to damad with the correct lineage … even though the contexts are very different and Sadia and Laila are very different women, there struggles are essentially still the same … Just like Sadia is being rejected by Saleem remember Laila being rejected by Mansoor … ab here you can say Sadia is maybe uneducated or what not but wahan tau Laila had no problems at all … it was just that these guys wanted to be able to continue to play the double game ….

@Deeba had asked above what made Saleem so special that he was happily finding faults in Sadia, my guess would be probably nothing. Just that he’s a man and has the right to reject. Or that Sadia is maybe less educated or maybe from a less “cultured” background who knows … the way the styling is done ( has anyone checked majboor Sadia’s manicure?!?!?) its hard to know – but he does keep complaining abt her jahalat.

SZ.. i was reminded of Pehchan yes.. but in terms of writing that how Beegul so beautifully wrote Laila and Kuku and thus had hope k here too will get something positive by the end.. but now you have said you are right how laila had guts to walk over..

You are so right waisey … impossible as it may have seemed then Laila still had it easier than Sadia .. and she had her cheer leaders in Kuku and Saadi and Mrs Khan … yahan tau Sadia has absolutely nobody… shes alienated her daughter too with her own harkats … in fact when comparing Sila with Sadia I see more hope for the younger girl because she has her two cousins bucking her on … iys so good to see education se kisi ka tau bhala hua hai … kisi ka tau dimagh khula!

Very interesting review SZ.. i am literally hooked to this one.. as disturbing as it is. I like how there are sane characters who are not heard the way they should be.. BeeGul’s writing is so fabulous .. love how it was revealed so subtly about Hatim being Joe’s son.. and how there are minimum number of dialogues of Sila as they want us to show her feelings ..true human emotions.. brilliant work by all actors… just bari apas character annoy me at times..

At this point i so want to know Sadias back story when she was newly wed.. i don’t know if they will show us or is it just like SZ you have analyzed her story.. they have done their work by giving hints..

@SZ hey! u still following this drama? Last nights episode was superb, with some fresh air coming in Sila’s room…
I m loving this drama. When O Rangreza and DSJHS were starting, O Rangreza was my pick coz i thought it will be different and DSJHS will be same child molestation story we are seeing every now and then with little changes… but this turned out to be a surprise..

I have seen many women like Sadia around me who r living with susrals while husband’s r away, saat samander paar, rozi roti kamanay mein masroof.. I would not say that all men r doing Ayashi abroad, they also face alot of problems both physically and emotionally.. but as far as such wives r concerned, Me and a friend of mine often discuss about life of those females mainly because Qaid e Tanhai is one of her favorite dramas.. she is of the opinion that these females r not at fault. How long can u stay connected to a person emotionally when he is away for long period? Gradually u start depending on someone who is there for u like huby’s friend in Q-e-T, and Joi here.. and then u can slip into a physical relation any time.. Not a question on right or wrong? Actually it is a question mark on those circumstances which lead to such cases

Im watching this one, but have to catch up on the last couple of episodes… its almost impossible to keep up with so many dramas and then just when you’re all caught up the pace drops so much that one just loses interest.. thats why these days I watch in batches of three four eps together …

Yes, I agree, Sila brings up this issue beautifully, and I had highlighted that in the first review, that really men and families should not just think that a woman’s needs are relegated just to economic stuff only – emotional needs are very real also. You have brought up the issue of women relying on other men, here I would like to point out something very very important – the need for female friends outside of the immediate family circle. Typically a woman in our lower/middle class desi setup tends to lose school/college friends once she’s done with her schooling.

Now if she does not have age appropriate cousins and no friends then basically she is left on her own after shes married, with only her mother or sisters or bhabhis etc to support her emotionally, none of whom are likely candidates in whom she can confide such matters, say for instance if shes being abused or feels insecure in her in laws etc. Typically parents would not want a married daughter back at their home again … here by showing how much support Sila is getting from her own cousins Bee Gul is creating a beautiful compare and contrast between the mother and daughter’s situation. where Sadia faltered because she had no support but Sila feels strong because she feels supported.

Another point highlighted here, and very well at that, is arranged marriages are hard in any case, but in this case, where Sadia is not her husband’s first choice from the very first day, it is very hard to get over that rejection and try to build a long term relationship with your spouse and that too in abstentia. Hence a predator like Joi finds an easy mark in Sadia, whereas the other bhabhi is also taken in by his oily charm but because she has a husband who makes her feel loved she never goes beyond a mild flirtation.

Loved your comment SZ.. n.also how you tend to notice n decode the situations so well.. above two instances that you gave example of. I never took or understood tht way and coming to think of it that its indeed v.true having cousins or friends do help in such private matters..

Regarding Noshi i thought maybr Sadia is without husband n pretty too.. thus advancements are more but this angle is interesting too from noshi’s perspective that she has her loyal n loving husband n she then just takes it as mere joke.. rather silly joke..

I have watched ost now for so many time because a) I love the song b) want to look forward to scenes that still haven’t come yet.. n I think there is still so much more to this drama.
Only if they could limit thr dragness