About Me

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Every now and then I like to take a look back at where I came from and who I am now. I know I've talk about my past before and how unhappy I was. Not at home my parents were great and my mom well if I'm honest she made a brat out of me. My childhood wasn't the best and I felt lonely a lot. I know most of you have read this from before but some of the new readers haven't and there is so much in this blog it's kinda hard to go back and read it all.

I was a little kid growing up and being born months to soon I wasn't suppose to make it. Well of course I did but not without health issues I still fight today. Being a kid I got picked on a lot for wearing hearing aids and glasses. So when I speak on being bullied I know what I'm talk about. I didn't have many friends in school I was the easy target it wasn't until my friend Reed stood up for me that I knew what true friendship was like and I'm am proud to this day to still call him friend.

The story I want to tell today is about my first love Matt. He didn't talk to me in school but when I was out riding my bike one day we ran into each other and he was super nice to me. I was 12 and he was 13 we rode together and I ask him if he wanted to come to my house for lunch and he said yes. Back at the house I could see mom was happy I made a friend and like I said we just seem to hit it off. We back out riding bikes and talking like we were the best of friends.We hung out all weekend and things were the best they could be and yes deep down inside I was like falling for him but no way in hell was I going to tell him I was gay. Monday came and school and I seen him and walked up and said hi and he blew me off like I was trash to him. My heart was broke and I didn't understand how he could treat me that way after the weekend and hanging out. I wanted just to go home but I stayed and kept to myself like I normally did and got picked on a normal day for me.

Later that night Matt called and ask if he could come over and explain of course like an idiot I said yeah. He told me he was sorry but he had no choice but to treat me that way cause if the guys knew he thought I was an ok guy he would have been a target. That should have been my flag but you know I didn't care I like this boy and I wanted to be friends and would take his friendship anyway I could. So the rule was we could be friends out of school but in school I couldn't talk to him.

I never really had that happen, but I had something equally bad (my opinion) which was that my "friend" Paul around Jr. High became one of the "cool kids" and I wasn't. He still hung out with me but I had bad self esteem(and still do sort of) and he would make jokes at my expense and I just had to take it. Why? Because I thought he was my friend.

Luckily, I learned that there are people who really will stand by you no matter what. Those are the people I wound up having as my friends and I'm thankful for them.

Now all these years later I realize that if someone isn't going to treat me right, even if it's a family memeber, I have no place in my life for them. Oh I'll be civil but that's where it stops.