Basic communication is becoming a lost art: how to relearn it

My world today

I experienced lack of communication first hand today. It wasn’t the first time, though. As my communication skills have deepened and broadened it seems the world has slowly immersed into a little shell of insularity. I was shopping in Morrisons earlier and I passed one of the Mums in my kids class at School, I had recognised her instantly because Alex has a certain fondness for her child. Did she acknowledge me though? I think not. And let me be clear on this, I don’t blame her for this momentary act of defiance; of course I don’t. It’s the way the world is ten times over, and not in a good way.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. I blame the media. I blame marketers that constantly tell us we need the golden goose to make all our dreams come true; that without it we would exist as nothing, be nothing, and be looked at as nothing. We’re all broken and need fixed; we need the next miracle cure to be well again.

Whatever happened to being happy as you are?

Ugh, Technology and Social Media

And then there’s technology, and whilst it’s a hard passion of mine I also recognise the waste it’s laying to basic communication between our human brethren. People no longer stop and chat for long periods of time, enjoying the deep bonding sessions that come with such an event; it’s all about Facebook, or twitter, or the next social media rage. Snapchat perhaps. I hear that’s popular with the younger ones.

I had a friend once that came over to stay all the way from Scotland, and all we did for that night was chat to each other over Facebook, no basic communication, or at least very little. And this type of behaviour is having a detrimental affect on or health, wellbeing and mental health.

With the very apparent focus on ourselves in todays age; you can see it with our Facebook feeds creating a hall of echoes whispering back to us our own opinions, the emphasis on sharing your thoughts but not taking the time to listen to what anyone else has to say, and the abhorrent marketer trying to meet every one of our needs, singling us out, emphasising our own needs above anyone elses, and sometimes creating unhealthy competition.

Selfish and Unaware

We are bitterly selfish and toxicly unaware of others right now. Admit it. Go on, when was the last time you checked in with one of your friends to ask how they are? I’ll be the first to put my hand up. I try, but I know it’s not good enough.

So where do we stand in our relationship values because of this? In pretty dire need of some serious intervention that’s for sure. We exist as a throway culture. Rather than focus on what needs to be built upon we throw it away and start afresh. Who needs to worry in investing in deep and meaningful relationships when over a thousand matches are only a click away on Tinder.

Who needs to worry about building deep bonds with another person and working through the grief; because I kid you not, a relationship isn’t easy, when one can just trash it and make a beeline for the nearest Facebook app and join one of a zillion dating groups.

People DO try

And even the people that do try. The one’s that give it a hard effort, a good attempt at making a relationship win, we’re so overpowered with instant gratification over the last ten years it makes that effort double hard. We can order a Pizza online in thirty minutes, purchase a car in an instant and have it tomorrow; imagine our complete frustration and utter contempt for ourselves when a bond with another person takes years to nurture.

People just don’t listen. And they want it now! Or before now. And they want to listen to themselves speak. Facebook has completely capitalised on that. You. The more it can centre everything around you, the more popular it will become and the more isolated you will feel. Watch this space.

But all is not lost. We can stop it before it truly takes hold.

We can take a step back

If we truly take a step back from all that’s going on right now in Politics, the news, TV and around the world. I mean stop and take a good long, hard and cold look at ourselves, truly. Then we’ll see that everything is centred around us personally right now. Everything. Everyone is angry at how things will effect them but no-one has stopped recently to smell the roses. To take a moment to pause and truly take in what’s happening. Listen. See that there are actually others around you with real problems that are wildly different to yours. It may seem hard at first; it was for me! But the problems of the world are real and diverse and I’m still finding people with new problems that I’ve never heard of before.

It’s always really hard looking at life through another persons perspective but to do so you can enrich yourselves with life’s little awesome experiences. Message your friends, talk to them about their woes, strife and happiness. Forget about your issues for a while, don’t bring them up, just listen. It may not seem interesting at first but it will in time!

Learn that you ARE the centre of the universe

Everything that you, I, your friends and your colleagues do on this life is a personal reflection on how they feel inside. This blog may seem entirely for your benefit, but I get a big personal gain from doing this. It makes me feel that I matter. To someone, anyone. Everything in our lives are to benefits ourselves in some way or another. Learn that doing quality things for yourself is actually a good thing, and that by treating yourself better and having better hopes and dreams for yourself will reflect better on your friend circle. The more you concentrate on facing your own demons the better your outside view of the world will be.

Imagine it like this:

If I was a happy person and had very little anger inside then there would be no anger to use on anyone else. Only love and forgiveness.

If I was an angry person, perhaps from a broken relationship or a traumatic childhood, then there would be no happiness to use on anyone else. Only what I know. Anger

Once you have Internal reflection kicked then you’re able to actively listen better! You’ll know the journeys and paths others must take themselves to be better.

Start giving

An art that I started practising four years ago; giving lovingly without expecting a return. It’s a humungously self-gratifying experience, to give without want of return. Whenever I do this I walk away feeling really good as a huge boost of self worth, that I am helping society. People will gravitate towards you, you will be seen in better light by others and it will help your self confidence. You may be thinking this is selfless, but on the other hand it is still selfish, because I give for a reason – it gives me an immense feeling of self worth inside.

Just don’t expect anything back, ever. As soon as you walk down the path of others ‘owing you’ something then it’s not giving freely. It’s giving with attachment, which is sometimes necessary in some situations, but as I said; try giving without attachment and watch your own personal self worth skyrocket.

Giving has been an eye opening experience for me. Through giving without want of return I’ve met a tonne of new people, realised that my view of life was quite limited, and that problems and successes are diverse and life-spanning to understand them all.

Learn from others, give openly and listen.

Don’t take things so personally

Hard to do, I know, but if you’re in a relationship, be that friendship, business relationship or intimate relationship then sometimes you have to open the doors for criticism. Even if it’s hurtful. I once had a colleague that told me my entire Project was shit and it wouldn’t take off. She was right, and luckily I listened to her before I made the moves to launch my services. Sometimes we have to open our minds to those little judgements. It might be REALLY hard to hear others slighting your persona / work / friendship but often there’s an element of truth to what they are saying.

Forget Facebook and it’s constant chamber of hearing your own thoughts and ideas sounded back to you; opt for people to judge you, your work, your personality. Hear opposing views, take them on board, don’t get offended! Listen to what people have to say.

Especially if it’s your intimate partner.

And breath. Don’t forget to relax!

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I'm a man that's been through the pitfalls and elations of relationships in my ever growing quest to better my knowledge in the human condition. I've been in the game and around the Internet since 1996 and surprisingly I'm still using it today. I've definitely found myself in some weird and wonderful places and I hope to share all of this with you lucky people.