“Listen buddy, I may look like a stray but I’ll chew your damn leg off inside of 15 seconds. The only reason I’m not home right now is because I patrol the neighborhood from time to time scaring off the mangy transients around here, much like yourself. Not only that, if my master doesn’t let me out to prowl and mark a few fire hydrants once a day, I’m tearing down his drapes and chewing up his shoes. I’ve got his number all right. Now bugger off you human creep!”

Oh no you are not bringing that mail up to my house, AstroChuck! You get out of here. And all the noise I’m making has tipped off the Rottweiler two doors down that you’re coming. And he can knock down that rickity fence anytime he likes!

“Oh god now here’s another damn new person coming up the block and my people will think I’m useless unless I do this for at least a minute and a half all the time telling me cut it out -Robert, stop it Robert, Robert stop that at once he’s really a very good dog he doesn’t bite – yet they’re very proud of my so-called aggression wow wow wow another ten seconds and….. done.”

Are you sure they’re angry? Or are they saying “Better watch it, buddy. Got my eye on you, buddy. Watch it, watch it. You gotta reckon with ME, buddy. I’m the guard here. I’m on duty. One false move and I’ll take you apart. I could if I wanted to. So watch it. Got that, buddy?”

It always sounds kind of like that to me, anyway. But I speak Cat, not Dog.