GG Allin Has a Small Penis – That’s Right, I Said It; MVD to release “Special Edition” DVD this August

So, this one time, an angel visited Merle Allin Sr. in his sleep and told him his son would be a great man. Like the Messiah. So, the dude names his first kid Jesus Christ Allin. Splendid, right? Then his mom changed his name to Kevin. GG, a.k.a. Jesus, a.k.a. Kevin (whatever) went on to front GREAT bands like The Scumfucs, The Texas Nazis, The AIDS Brigade, The Fuckin Shitbiscuits, The Swanfucks, The Toilet Rockers, and The Drug Whores, to name but a few. What's-his-face died in 1993 of an overdose after a show, probably in a pool of his own vomit and shit, just as he liked it.

A YouTube search of "GG Allin" will already provide you with all you need to ever see from the "shock artist." But still think pooping on yourself is cool and want to see more? Well, if that's the case, then you can run out and spend your allowance on HATED, a 60-minute GG Allin Special Edition DVD of him shitting on himself and teabagging poor girls in the audience, to be released August 7 through MVD Visual.

It gets better: MVD promoted a cover art contest for this "Special Edition" DVD. The entries are "very graphic in nature" (quite laughable) and can be viewed here.

In addition to three music videos and commentary tracks by Todd Phillips, Merle Allin, and Dino Sex, the DVD contains exclusive interviews with Allin and Arleta Gunther (GG's mom.) If that weren't enough, be one of the first 5,000 to own this DVD, and you'll have a chance to get a poster of GG's portrait by John Wayne Gacy (because serial killing is cool) AND GG ALLIN TEMPORARY TATTOOS!!! I presume they will be poop tattoos you can smear all over your face. At least I hope so.

Rumors abound as to why Os Mutantes, the seminal Brazilian tropicalia group, disbanded in the 1970s. One of the least pervasive, yet most convincing rumors:

Arnaldo Baptista decided the band would play a different brand of guitars and urged his brother Sergio Baptista, "From now on, we will play Gibson, the guitars of Jimmy Page."

Sergio, preferring a different make of guitar — presumably Fender — simply would not have it, and Arnaldo was subsequently sent into a catatonic downward spiral, later requiring institutionalization. The brothers underwent a typical Noel-Liam (Gallagher) rivalry for many several years until Sergio decided to let bygones be bygones.

In an act of brotherly kinship, Sergio invited Arnaldo to dinner, whereupon Arnaldo witnessed wall upon wall lined with Fender guitars. Arnaldo lost it again, once again requiring institutionalization.

Last summer, Arnaldo, after seeing the decrepit state of the once virile Jimmy Page, saw it fit to reform Os Mutantes. American audiences were able to view for the first time Arnaldo's wispy tendrils blowing in the Chicago night, his hammy grin showcasing years of near-insanity in New York City, Los Angeles, San Francisco, Seattle, Denver, and Miami alike.

Though publications such as the Chicago Tribune suggest last year's appearance at Pitchfork Music Festival was one of the top ten live music moments of the year, the audience seemed in on the sarcasm involved in a three-decades-in-the-making reunion. In other words, it was relieving that the festival was ending, the reunion much akin to seeing Lynyrd Skynyrd or The Police. It seems like a good idea; you're glad to experience it, but...

Os Mutantes will release Everything is Possible later this year, a reissue of 1999's greatest hits collection, available through David Byrne's label, Luaka Bop, where an alternative biography may be viewed.

So, this one time, an angel visited Merle Allin Sr. in his sleep and told him his son would be a great man. Like the Messiah. So, the dude names his first kid Jesus Christ Allin. Splendid, right? Then his mom changed his name to Kevin. GG, a.k.a. Jesus, a.k.a. Kevin (whatever) went on to front GREAT bands like The Scumfucs, The Texas Nazis, The AIDS Brigade, The Fuckin Shitbiscuits, The Swanfucks, The Toilet Rockers, and The Drug Whores, to name but a few. What's-his-face died in 1993 of an overdose after a show, probably in a pool of his own vomit and shit, just as he liked it.

A YouTube search of "GG Allin" will already provide you with all you need to ever see from the "shock artist." But still think pooping on yourself is cool and want to see more? Well, if that's the case, then you can run out and spend your allowance on HATED, a 60-minute GG Allin Special Edition DVD of him shitting on himself and teabagging poor girls in the audience, to be released August 7 through MVD Visual.

It gets better: MVD promoted a cover art contest for this "Special Edition" DVD. The entries are "very graphic in nature" (quite laughable) and can be viewed here.

In addition to three music videos and commentary tracks by Todd Phillips, Merle Allin, and Dino Sex, the DVD contains exclusive interviews with Allin and Arleta Gunther (GG's mom.) If that weren't enough, be one of the first 5,000 to own this DVD, and you'll have a chance to get a poster of GG's portrait by John Wayne Gacy (because serial killing is cool) AND GG ALLIN TEMPORARY TATTOOS!!! I presume they will be poop tattoos you can smear all over your face. At least I hope so.

The last time I really thought about Sleater-Kinney breaking up, I was at one of their last shows in NYC last Summer. Since then, it's been buried deep, deep down in my most repressed of memories. But this morning, out of curiosity, I went and poked around to reminisce a bit and to see if anything was up.

According to their website, SK are compiling a DVD and VHS video for a retrospective that will surely bring a reminiscent tear to our eyes. SK are asking that you kindly send copies of any footage you might have of them to them, in an attempt to "make a complete visual artifact, leaving no stone unturned."

No solid details about the release of this retrospective have been released as of yet, and the band promises not to use your footage without your permission. Upon release, we expect thousands upon thousands to curl up with some popcorn and a soda (and probably a box of tissues or two.)

Time to spark up a collective doobie, rhythm-guitar-strumming, chick-digging, sweat-stained Bros of America!

Spotting an opportunity to earn a quick buck at the expense of cool dads and rookie stoners everywhere, EMI will re-release Pink Floyd’s Piper at the Gates of Dawn August 28, honoring the 40th anniversary of the Syd Barrett-dropping, LSD-popping band’s psych rock debut. Apparently, the box set includes three discs -- both a stereo and mono version of Piper at the Gates of Dawn, plus one disc of “rare” B-sides and demos, available to all who purchase said album and probably to those who send emails to EMI riddled with virtual winking, cough-coughing, and Benjamin-slipping (or Washington, depending on how you roll) in the rare case that a prospective buyer’s just too busy to head out to a record store, with obligations like:

(a) playing with da’ band for a love of music, made evident through shirtless solos and closed-door sessions with groupies who can’t keep their hands to themselves;

(b) coaching his son’s little league game;

(c) smoking a blunt and playing Guitar Hero;

(d) smoking two blunts and playing Guitar Hero II;

to purchase a copy before they... sell out... ?

SERIOUSLY, THOUGH: Packaging was designed by Floyd-a-licious collaborator Storm Thorgerson, which includes reproductions of stuff from Syd Barrett’s notebook.

AND, I’M ONLY TELLING YOU THIS BECAUSE WE’RE SUCH GOOD FRIENDS: Rumor has is that 50 box sets distributed randomly in record stores across America include (laced) vintage temporary tattoos, that when licked, will certainly kick a ruby slipper-ed foot in the ass of that time you and your buddies watched The Wizard of Oz with the sound off and jammed out to The Dark Side of the Moon after smoking a blunt and playing Guitar Hero.

It is not a well-known fact, but after history’s most famous psychologist/analyst/research findings-fabricator Sigmund Freud said his famous last words (“My dear Schur, you remember our first talk. You promised to help me when I could no longer carry on. It is only torture now, and it has no longer any sense.”) and before he went on to the great beyond, he actually turned to his companion and angel of mercy Schur (who was preparing the fatal opium dose at the time), smirked and said, “Women. What do they want?” That is a bit of a loaded question, isn’t it Siggy? Well, I just assumed they wanted pretty much the same things men wanted: a bottomless keg in the garage, steakums on Saturday night, and ten uninterrupted minutes a day in the can with the Victoria Secret’s catalogue. Am I right or am I right?

We’re not sure what women want. And we don’t know what most men want. We don’t know much. We are not sure what The Mendoza Line’s Shannon McArdle wants, but we know it won’t involve her former partner and paramour. We don’t know what Tim Bracy wants either, but we do know he will carry on The Mendoza Line name without his spouse and sidekick. To celebrate (what?), um, commemorate (closer...), er, close the chapter (that’s it!) on the dissolution of their marriage and the reworking of the Mendoza Line line-up, the band will release a two-disc package before both Bracy and McArdle start the next phase of their respective lives.

We would never cheer for a break-up, but if it has to happen, we hope some great music comes from it at least. 30 Year Low is the couple’s last album together as part of The Mendoza Line, and it will be available August 21 through Glurp. The eight-song (mini) album comes packaged with a second CD of covers (Bob Dylan, Bruce Springsteen, Richard Thompson, Cole Porter, Arab Strap), live takes, demos, and unreleased songs called Final Remarks of the Legendary Malcontent. Coping with heartbreak and loss has never been this easy.

30 Year Low:

1. Since I Came2. Aspect of an Old Maid3. 31 Candles4. I Lost My Taste5. Love on Parole6. Stepping on My Heels7. Thirty Year Low8. Tell It to the Raven

Final Remarks of the Legendary Malcontent:

1. Anything Goes2. It Helps To Leave the House3. Fleur de Lie (live)4. Withered and Dies5. Tougher Than the Rest6. Go Shopping7. Now Or Never Or Later (original demo)8. Packs of Three9. Tax Me10. It Takes a Lot To Laugh, It Takes a Train To Cry11. I Am Small12. Golden Boy (live)13. The Likely Nominee14. Mysterious in Black15. Mike T. Interlude16. Over the Hill17. Angry Crafts18. Metro Pictures