On paper, the plan was sound enough. Maddie had just been fed – What better time for us to make a play for our first public lunch with the baby?

Madeleine was a bit restless, but seemed to settle down once we placed her in the stroller. This is what is known as a “false positive.” With each block – the crankiness meter seemed fluctuate a bit. Cue “Riders on the Storm,” by the Doors.

As soon as we sat down at a little outdoor cafe – our little rocker began to sound off. It started off as a dull roar – but it quickly dawned on us that we needed an exit strategy. Cue “We Gotta Get Out of This Place,” by the Animals.

Gina was worried about disturbing the other guests – and pondered getting our meal to go. Ever the unrealistic optimist – I decided that we should take a shot and ride the lightning.

I got up, donned a pair of steel mesh gloves and said a little prayer before reaching into the shark’s cage. The creature snapped at me with maniacal strength – but I was ready for the attack. I snatched up my little land shark and headed down the sidewalk.

She thrashed furiously and moment-by-moment – I could feel my strength ebbing away. Just when all seemed lost, my little man-killer slipped into a light sleep. I crept back to the table to find our food had arrived. I rested my razor-toothed beauty on my lap, covered her with my napkin and dug into my plate.

The café glowed with love and harmony until our food was gone. Then I spied the menacing dorsal fin in my lap (keep it clean) and realized that the land shark was on the move!

We wrestled the shark back into her cage and ran home in a state of abject fear. Obviously, we have a long way to go.