When a lesbian relationship breaks up, it’s not always a mutual decision. In many cases, the breakup is initiated by one person. If your lesbian lover has said goodbye, you’re probably looking for some relationship rescue advice – and you need it fast! Here’s the one thing you must do if you want to regain the affection of your ex-girlfriend.

Now, if you’re thinking that you should send your ex-lover flowers, cards, and gifts, and call her every day to let her know how much you need her and miss her, think again. In all likelihood, the attention will annoy and frustrate your ex. It shows that you are not respecting her decision to break up, and basically, you’re not respecting her.

The one thing you must do if you are to have any hope of making up with your ex is to accept and let go. As frightening as that sounds, it’s true. But you still love her, you say. You don’t want to let go of her. You’d rather dig in your heels and refuse to accept reality. However, this will only make a bad situation worse.

Accepting the breakup means to acknowledge the correctness of your lover’s decision. In other words, agree with her that the breakup is for the best. Admit that you’ve made mistakes and you regret certain things you’ve done. Tell her you understand her position and you don’t expect her to forgive and forget. Your ex has probably braced herself, expecting you to put up a fight. If you can stay calm and avoid any drama, she will probably be relieved and she may feel more kindly towards you.

Then, let your girlfriend go. She needs space and time away from you – let her have it. Avoid any non-essential conversations or meetings with her. Don’t phone or email her to ask if she’s changed her mind about breaking up. Give her a chance to think things through. Allow her room to experience the loss and to miss you.

And guess what – you need a break from your ex as much as she needs one from you. Chances are, you’re feeling pretty low about yourself. Use this time to boost self esteem and independence. Keep busy by spending time with friends and family. Get involved in some fun activities you’ve been meaning to try. Write about your feelings in a journal, if you find that helpful.

Accepting and letting go is a difficult but necessary part of a breakup. Get this part right, and you’ll increase your chances of making up with your ex. Only after you have gone through this stage will you be able to take the next steps towards a possible happy reconciliation with your lesbian lover.