Clubbin: in the know

Do u feel like a small fish in a big pond? Do u feel like u just..dnt belong? No probs, read this and you'll fly thru a thing I like to call nite life . ;)

1.) shades at nite

This is so cool. Like, basically if you're coming up too hard, you fink you're seeing yesterday's dinner on the dance floor and you're gurning (omg!!) glasses hide it all. Whilst you don't want people to see your pupils, you're also beckoning the crucial question of 'fuk that guy is fuked'! You get me? So you look cool with your primark sunnies, but it looks like you don't care. I advise to buy a quilted poncho to wear with this, as it is both organic and native #culture. Lose your friends and dance by urself, because, 'why blend into the crowd whem you were born to stand out'?

2.) make friends

Instead of holding a decent convo, because the dnb is obviously gonna be too fkin loud, make easy small chat.

In the toilets : 'cor blimey m8, these taps r grimey, I've got the runs jus lookin at it.'
This shows that you're honest and open, probing the target to laugh and break the ice.

On the dance floor : (must carry a shoulder satchel) 'ey, want sum pills?'
This is pretty controversial but it works. Girls will think ur a bad boy, and guys will think you're a str8 up rav3r///Miley Cyrus.

In the smoking area: 'low me a toke of ur ciggy'.
Shit. This line screams 'I'm in control, and I can kick it with the yout. 'Low' short for 'allow' is really chilled and it's really in at the moment. People will think 'Jesus this gurl is safe' and they'll let you share their zoobie ;) ;) ;)

3.) pictures or it didn't happen

What's the point of going out if you haven't papped it? Make sure you often take a picture in the club. When it's being taken, look scared, roll yer eyes back, or stick up a middle finger (crazy, I know ). This way, your fb friends will know you've have a chaotic but fuuukked night out. Hashtags are also key. I like the following