I made a new friend in one of my classes. She’s around my age, and we have some things in common, so I did the “hey, let’s connect on social media” thing. We walked out of class, talked for a few minutes, and then got to talking about having coffee after class one day. But I had to get going because Latefordinner had to take Tuna to one of his things. I had to hurry home to be home with the littles. She asked me if I had ever been to this place in town, or this other place…she had to go shopping there, and go eat over there. Shopping? At a little place? You mean somewhere other than Costco or Target? Wouldn’t that other place be Amazon?

You see, this new friend who is around my age and also in college, doesn’t have children.

She said, “You’ve never been there?!”

“No, I have no life”, I said with a smile.

We laughed, and I found myself floating away from this new friend in front of me. We do actually have things in common–we feed off of each other in class discussions, and we both lean toward holistic practices, plus there’s the age thing. Age…it really is nothing. Her laughter was coming from a very different place of understanding, in which someone my age actually did have a “life”, and was not a mother. I wonder why she laughed, actually. Probably just because I did. Politeness. She’s nice, so I’m sure she didn’t actually think anything of it. But of course I did.

We separated, and I had that unsettled feeling, hearing the echo of myself saying “I have no life” in my head.

It was such a quick realization this time. No pondering the depths, just hearing the echo come back saying:

“You have SUCH A LIFE!”

And it’s true! My life is FULL, and RICH. Not with the freedom to shop in little shops, or eat out all the time; but with my full, rich family. My family gives me SUCH a life. My life is enriching and busy and chaotic and messy and scary and exciting and boring and breathtaking. My life is a roller coaster of exhilaration and fear and love and boys and marriage and school. My life is PACKED with NEWNESS every day, jammed with sameness, overflowing with opportunities to grow and thrive and teach and learn. Every. Single. Day. of my life is SUCH A DAY.

Psh, no life. Why did I even say that? What a thing to say. I don’t have time to have no life. That is the stuff of midlife crises. There is no crisis when every age is SUCH an age. Every life we live within this one is exactly what it should be. There is no need to call motherhood and marriage and college less than life, because it is exactly what completes me now. Accepting SUCH a life is crisis-prevention.

Try it: Tell yourself you have no life. If you don’t hear that echo back, YELL IT BACK. Every one of you has SUCH a life.

Yesterday, the girl at the drive through said “hi” to Binker as if he were 2 years old. He’s actually like 18 in his mind, so he just stared at her and said “Hi” back in a monotone voice. She asked what grade he’s in (This is not the typical “here’s your happy meal” interaction, right?), and I said kindergarten. In a singsong voice she said “Oh, I’m a junior in high school! You have to catch up to mee! Hehe, I’m just kidding, bye bye!” Binker and I drove away, and I swear he was also thinking “WHAT was THAT?” I said something like “Well, she was friendly”, but he wasn’t buying it. And ironically, his stuffed emoji in his happy meal was the “Whatever” face.

Later on, a discussion in one of my facebook groups got me thinking about the interactions we have with strangers. Why do we ask “how are you today?” Is it because we really want to know, or just because it’s polite? Most of the time it’s “I’m fine, thanks”, and you move on with your business. Sometimes (too often with me) it’s “nice to meet your problemsImeanyou”. I must have “tell me all about your kids/divorce/illness/random problem” on my forehead, and our conversation turns into a psychology session. So, maybe that’s why I am wary of talking to strangers…and sometimes actually looking at them…and sometimes going out into public at all…

I find that sometimes these random personal conversations do hold some meaning, and it’s a significant exchange. I live with the belief that there’s meaning in everything. So, I could take away from that interaction a reminder that my Binker is unique, and that we in our family thrive on mindful discussion. I’m not sure how many five-year-olds would look at that girl as anything other than friendly. So, I guess we have to acknowledge that these boring, unintelligent, and seemingly meaningless interactions are always there to show us something. (That’s why I made sure to say that the girl was nice.) We just have to consciously remember to think this way, you know, to avoid the slip into existential dread.

Binker is totally allowed to think “whatever” though! I mean really, she might as well have hovered a squeaky toy above his head.

In honor of mindfulness, and finding the sunny side and all that, I will now show you my mother’s day gift. It was chosen by Tuna and Binker, and I have given it a place of honor on my sunny back porch. I did such a good job of NOT LAUGHING when I opened it! They went to one of my favorite stores, walked all over the store, and chose this phallic blue jellyfish just for me. I was the best actress! I do like it, and HAHAHAHAHA it’s a four-tailed chiming glass sperm!!!!! Look at its sparkling magnificence in the sun! Thanks, boys. This made my optimistic day. Happy Mother’s day, and may all of you find the joy and humor in your seemingly meaningless moments.

Some days I feel like Annie from Overboard. Who am I and what happened to my real life? I am pretty sure I am supposed to be filthy rich and living on a luxury yacht, and my memory should return any day now. (So that’s why I refuse to do the dishes and expect my laundry done for me!)

Other days I’m her: (Dot, not Ed)

“You soak his thumb in iodine you might avoid the orthodonture…gotta git his DIP TET!….Ya take that diaper OFF your head ya PUT it back onto your sister!”

I found myself saying similar things the other day…”That’s just what you have to do with kids. They get hurt every day, but if there’s no blood and they can still walk, they’ll be just fine.” (p.s. I think it’s kind of disturbing that I feel like her sometimes, and maybe I should look at this more closely and possibly get professional help.)

So, yeah…woot! I’ll take it. Those quizzes don’t lie, you know. I’m gonna go ahead and roll with it, and (ahem) get to work on my abs. Facebook quiz says I’m fun, spicy, real, and I tell it like it is. That’s right, now where’s my giant house and sexy accent?!

So here’s what I get from this:

Whether you’re having a Dot day, or an Overboard year, the world probably sees you as Gloria. One out of four facebook quizzes agrees. And if you still feel kind of Dot-ish, just PRETEND you’re glorious Gloria! ACT AS IF. This is a saying that has not failed me. ACT AS IF, and it shall be. Throw your head back, boost those boobies, and think “What would Gloria do?” Or something like that…because I can definitely ride a bike and she can’t…ok so she’s not Jesus or anything, but you know what I’m saying. Just be fabulous, and if you don’t feel it, act as if. No one will know the difference.

For example, I am pretty sure that Tuna believed me when I swore I wasn’t crying in the ER with him. Because I needed him to see the strong mom, like a rock, solid and by his side. Even when the docs tried to call me out, I insisted that I was FINE, and let’s please focus on HIM. Don’t MESS with me, I have a job to do, and that is to ACT AS IF I am the strongest mama on the planet right now. I acted as if I was fine, but I was a blubbering mess on the inside. I used my low, powerful voice, and told them to back off. This is what we have to do, or else risk blowing our cover. We are Gloria, proud and strong. No one needs to know that we are a blubbering Annie on the inside. I did not boost the boobies in that moment, however. That would not have been appropriate, you know.

Or if you’re a dad, you’re probably not this guy, even if you feel like it…although LateforDinner seems to have proud Glen moments in which he quotes him loudly, which is also disturbing, and now that I think of it maybe some professional help is in order–for him.

(And if you’re reading my blegh, you’re definitely super dad.)

I hope you’re all joining me now in a Glorious celebration of confidence manifestation! I’m gonna go manifest those abs while I’m at it.