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December 4, 2017

The Things That Need to Go in 2018,Part Two

Hello,everyone! Well in the first part of our list,we touched on ties in the NFL, the term “Big nothingburger” and Cris Collinsworth. We now move to the second part of the list,which consists of numbers 100-81. Keep in mind,if you’ve read our past lists that this year’s is longer,so Part One was 120-101.

Disclaimer: This list is is intended for entertainment purposes and should be taken semi-seriously.

Here’s Part Two:

100. Kid Rock

First year selection

Kid Rock kicks off the second part of our list and I’m amazed we haven’t put him on the list sooner.

Not only is his music not cool anymore,nor is it 2001, but also,he’s such a white trash dude who supports terrible politicians like Donald Trump and Mitt Romney. He also kinda ruined Sheryl Crow for many of us (by the way,how awkward is it that Crow, a liberal, did a song with him, a white trash conservative?) with Picture. From his visit to the White House with fellow white trash Ted Nugent and Sarah Palin to his rumoured bid to run for Senate (thank GOD he’s not running), Kid Rock is just an absolute ass.

He’s turned into the character he played in Joe Dirt. Either that or he just played himself in that movie. You decide!

99. Oakland A’s fans still upset over the RiverCats disaffiliating with their team in 2014

First year selection

There are many things that bug me about the A’s and to an extent,their fans,but if there’s one thing I don’t understand is why so many of them,especially around Sacramento, are still mad about the RiverCats disaffiliating with them in favor of the San Francisco Giants. Don’t they realize that this happens all of the time? The RiverCats weren’t going to be their affiliate forever and there’s going to be a time when they affiliate elsewhere,too.

By the way,I was a Sacramento RiverCats fan when they were an A’s affiliate and will remain one when/if they ever affiliate with another MLB team. In all honesty, if you jumped ship on them when they switched, you were never a true RIverCats fan and the team doesn’t want fake fans around anyways. Besides,us Giants fans showed up more to the yard then A’s fans when they were still the affiliate anyways,so what’s the big deal?

98. People who think George W. Bush wasn’t “that bad”

First year selection

Here’s another Keepin’ it Real selection on the list and we have to put it on here because now that Donald Trump is seemingly the worst president of all time, people are forgetting that George W. Bush was awful and somehow think he’s an okay guy.

No,no he isn’t. Stop humanizing him. He was a bad man and an even worse President.

Bush presided over two recessions, started two wars that we’re still in for some reason and was able to show us for eight years how stupid he was and how much we need to get rid of American political dynasties once and for all (more on that later!). How so many people have fuzzy memories of how bad this man was is startling. He should be in jail for war crimes, not at a ranch in Texas painting terrible pictures and clearing large amounts of fake brush. Shame on you people for thinking he’s not that bad of guy. He was and still is!

97. That Nuveen sign in left field at AT&T Park

First year selection

Last season at AT&T Park,some asset management company called Nuveen decided to fuck up the scenery in the stands in left field and place a big ass sign with their name on it. I don’t know of one Giants fan that likes it and I doubt any Cubs fans like the sign in Wrigley Field,either.

I’m fine with them having advertising their name in the stadium somewhere,just not in that part of the stadium which is too visible. If they moved their sign elsewhere and made it smaller,I’d be fine with it. But it’s too much,yo!

96. Joe Manchin

First year selection

Senator Joe Manchin of West Virginia is on our list this year and a big reason why is because of how corporate and conservative he is,and he’s a Democrat. He is part of why the Democratic Party is and has been a bunch of losers. He also hasn’t served the best interests of his state very well at all. He voted for a lot of Trump’s picks for his cabinet, been against coal workers in that state by taking away their healthcare and has also allowed coal companies to pollute the waters of his constituents. He’s also against progressive issues his people care about like universal healthcare and decent jobs in the economy.

He is being primaried for his seat next year and I hope he gets ousted. West Virginians deserve a lot better than him, he’s not progressive, he might as well be a Republican given the way he votes and how he thinks. These conservative Democrats are part of why I left the party and why,until this party decides to be on the side of their base,I won’t be back.

95. People who name their rear ends

First year selection

This is a stupid thing that people,especially young people have been known to do,is to give their butt a name.

What the hell for?

It’s just as bad as when dudes give a name to their penis (which we’ve had on the list before) and it really gives you and idea of where we’re headed as a society when people do this. Grow up!

94. The idea that conservatives are funny

First year selection

I hate to break it to the right wing,but y’all aren’t funny. From making an awful movie called An American Carol in 2007 to The Half-Hour News Hour on Fox News to Last Man Standing to Dennis Miller being relevant for some reason on Fox News, the unfunniness continues.

Shit,even when Donald Trump tries to be funny it comes off bad. Sure,he’s a shithead,we know that, but he should stop trying to be funny. He isn’t. The problem is that when the right tries to be funny,they put the politics before the humor,and it turns out bad.

Just face it,liberals have more of a funny bone and nail it. Look at late-night television, it’s been dominated by the left for a long,long time. The right are an easy target and have a hard time taking a joke,even when it’s deserved.

93. Smash cakes for adults

First year selection

I found out about this existing for adults and it makes me cringe. Really? You’re participating in an event designed for a toddler turning one? You’ve got to be kidding me!

Smash cakes,if you don’t know,are generally reserved for a child celebrating their first birthday. But as of late, a lot of folks turning 30 or 40 have taken to getting a smash cake for their birthday and it’s absolutely stupid. Next thing you know they’re going to want to wear feety pajamas, suck on a pacifier,hand me a fake telephone to talk to whoever is on the other line, and drive their Little Tikes car down Interstate 80.

I get that we all don’t want to grow up sometimes, but this takes it to another level. Act your age, not your earring size.

92. Guys who send pictures of their junk to girls

First year selection

This had to make the list and the reason being is because when guys do this,it’s nothing but false confidence with the ladies.

How is it that you can send a picture of your junk to someone,but you can’t talk to her?

Are you kidding me?

This can only go two ways, she’s either going to be excited and then maybe she hooks up with you,but if you ask me that courtship will be a brief one or it’s going to go absolutely nowhere and the friendship you may or may not have had with her is going to be gone.

Also,have you learned nothing from Anthony Wiener? Come on,man. Knock it off! Meet someone and be genuine and start a relationship the right way.

91. CATCH-ALL: Tucker Carlson and the Daily Caller

First year selections

Fox News’ Tucker Carlson took over for Bill O’Reilly when that son of a bitch was fired and is honestly not very good himself. He never has been,even back when Jon Stewart called him a dick on Crossfire back in the day (a moment I saw live,by the way). From what I’ve heard his show isn’t very good. He brings on guests and asks them dumb questions just so he can laugh in their faces and not even let them answer his stupid questions.

Not only that,but he reminds me of Alex P. Keaton if he was an asshole.

Also,he is the head of The Daily Caller,which is a garbage conservative publication that has never put out anything remotely newsworthy. Carlson just sucks and needs to get lost!

90. Vacating college football wins whenever a scandal occurs

First year selection

Here’s another Keepin’ it Real one and I get tired of seeing this. I know that there have been a lot of college football scandals (and other sports,too) and as a result the teams have vacated wins and have even placed themselves on probation by not participating in bowl games.

Here’s my question: Why?

What did the majority of kids that had nothing to do with what happened do to receive such a punishment? If anything, they’re the ones who don’t deserve to have that happen to them. They worked hard to get those successful seasons and they shouldn’t have to pay for the consequences of a rogue few. I think those who were guilty of what they did should face discipline,but not the entire team. It’s not fair.

89. Shoreline Converse All Stars

First year selection

If you don’t know what this model of Converse shoe is,look at the picture to the left. Basically they’re Chucks for lazy people.

I love Converse All-Stars. They’re the best and coolest shoes ever and both men and women can rock them and do it right. I myself have 10 pairs, but honestly,these are just for girls who basically aren’t trying. Converse are meant to be tied onto your feet and should not have only four eyeholes and slipped on. You want slip ons? Get some Vans, not these bastardized Chucks!

88. CATCH-ALL: Bologna and cakes made of bologna

First year selections

I love many lunch meats,but bologna is not one of them. I hate everything about it: the name,the taste,the smell,it’s all bad. When I worked in the deli department at a grocery store I hate having to slice it because it was so messy and smelly. I have to say the last time I had any myself was over 25 years ago.

Not only is it awful and certain people like it,but some have done as much as made it in cake form. A bologna cake? Really?

This is why other countries hate us. We make shitty things like bologna cakes and think that this makes us acceptable as a society. It doesn’t. In fact,I hate us even more now that this is such a thing. We need to be and should be ashamed of ourselves.

87. Truck nuts

First year selection

There are many obnoxious things truck owners do to their trucks: They lift them unnecessarily high, they put stupid stickers like confederate flags on them or slogans that say “Trump is My President” and they also put stupid testicles hanging from the back bumper.

As if these fools aren’t compensating for enough with their truck being 12 feet off the ground,now they have to place something they don’t have on the bumper of it. Dude,you’re wasting your time. Stop trying to impress everyone,you’re failing badly.

86. College students who complain about how hard college is

Second year selection

This is on the list for the second straight year and honestly,it should be there. Why? Because there are bigger things to complain about than school being hard.

Kids,school (and more specifically,college) is supposed to be hard. Not just school,but life is hard,and it’s getting harder and harder now. If you think it gets easier as time goes on, it’s not happening. Unless,of course,you’re rich and your family has money,then you’ll be okay.

I get tired of seeing the comments about it being hard on social media. Time to start making the most of your opportunity.

85. April Fools Day

Second year selection

It made the list a few years ago and it’s back on the list.

I’ve never really liked this day because you can’t take anyone or anything seriously on this day. Beyond that, people who aren’t generally funny at all are always trying to be by playing some sort of prank and it’s always a massive failure.

Also,I hate when Pat Sajak and Alex Trebek switch jobs and host each other’s shows. You never see Jimmy Kimmel and Stephen Colbert doing that,it’s sacrilege.

Let’s get rid of this stupid day once and for all.

84. The NBA Slam Dunk Contest

First year selection

This is the first time the contest itself has made the list.

Long ago, this was the marquee event of NBA All-Star Weekend. Your favorite players were more than happy to participate and they put on a show. Today it’s nothing but a bunch of 12th and 13th men on lousy teams who participate in it.

Sure,you’ll get a John Wall or another superstar in it and they actually will win,but for the most part,it’s a bunch of C-level players who don’t have anything to do otherwise than to be in the contest.

Beyond that,the authenticity of it is questionable. Remember when Blake Griffin “won” the contest in 2011? The whole contest seemed so phony to me and it seemed like a desperate attempt to bring the event back to prominence by having him “win” it.

I don’t even know who won it this year to be honest with you (Just kidding,it was Glenn Robinson III of the Pacers). When you get some players like DeMarcus Cousins and the like in it, then I might watch.

83. Shaming kids who don’t have lunch money

First year selection

Another Keepin’ it Real selection here and it needed to make the list because I hadn’t heard about schools doing this until I read about it in the newspaper and saw the reports on television.

Kids were being given alternative meals instead of the ones the school provides for everyone else who is able to pay. Others were shamed by having hot meals taken away altogether or having a message written on the child ordering parents to pay up.

It’s bad enough that one in eight people in this country are already going hungry and now we’re allowing children to go hungry,too. It’s awful. It also isn’t a child’s fault when a parent forgets to give them lunch money. I’ve been there before,it’s embarrassing.

Letting a child go hungry is shameful and it has to stop.

82. Emoji translators

First year selection

There are many people who are bilingual and at their jobs they can translate for other co-workers and even get paid for it in some instances. That’s a wonderful thing to be able to do and in some aspects,I’m kinda jealous.

However,if you’re actually paid to translate emojis,then I think something went wrong in life and your job prospects weren’t very good before you got the gig.

Emojis aren’t an official language,as much as you want it to be or think it is,think again. If you’re getting that job,then I get to translate jive, Amish terminology,and hard to understand Canadians. It’s only fair.

81. Vaping

First year selection

Our second part of the list ends with probably a controversial item: Vaping

I know a good amount of people who do this and if they want to,that’s on them,but in all honesty I think it’s stupid.

Anytime I see someone blowing vapes out their car window or exclaiming that it’s not that bad for you, I think to myself that those people haven’t learned that any kind of smoking is bad for you. It’s just an excuse to legitimize the habit and it’s a poor one. I also equate it to a habit that hipsters do. Don’t be a hipster, be something else.