An anonymous writer at ESPN.com (scroll down to 2:49pm) hears hoof beats and thinks zebras. And after reading this piece we are beginning to wonder if ESPN.com has lost their goddamned minds…

At some point soon the Rays may consider trading Upton as outfield prospect Desmond Jennings continues to develop, and that time could come as early as this season. Upton is starting to make some real money and Jennings is on the cusp of the big leagues.

Nevermind that the Rays have another outfielder (Carl Crawford) that makes a LOT more money than Upton and is a free agent after the season and that Jennings is more likely to take his spot. No, let’s ignore that obvious fail in the above statement and skip straight to the teams that anonymous writer says the Rays could trade Upton to…

New York Mets

San Francisco Giants

Texas Rangers

Chicago Cubs

Chicago White Sox

Los Angeles Dodgers

New York Yankees

Boston Red Sox

Let’s ignore for another second that this writer spent so much time on this list that he basically just wrote down the top payrolls in baseball.

No, it is the final two teams on that list that we would like to address…

On the universal list of things that might happen this season, we have to imagine “Rays trade BJ Upton to divisional rival Yankees/Red Sox” would fall somewhere afterDon Zimmer being named the starting pitcher for game 7 of the World Series and just ahead of NOTHING.

Folks, we can’t make it up. ESPN.com actually pays somebody for this shit.

I'd say you have a 50% chance of Upton moving this year now if he prevails in the arbitration process (where his sour attitude is likely to get even more sour). The Rays are not good enough to have an all-glove, no hit CF making a lot of money (for them).

If they could ship him somewhere else, he could re-kindle his ALCS power (which looks to me to be more the result of some temporary medical treatment on the wrist than any long-term prospect), but more likely he would put up his 2008-2009 #s that make him Omar Moreno-esque.

If Jennings shows up in spring training and can play CF defensively with the big club, I think they could be a better team in 2010 WITHOUT Upton.
I am assuming here that he is a negative clubhouse presence.

The Rays would not be a better team without BJ in my opinion. Nobody ever said anything about BJ being "sour" or having a bad attitude until he was upset about moving down in the batting order. Then he clarified his taken-out- context comment by saying he was upset with himself. Why does everyone assume he has an attitude? because he's reserved? That is such a stupid assumption that is pretty much always disproved, that people who are quiet must be cocky. You guys don't know what you're talking about. What's BJ ever done to you?

If anything the Rays should sign him to a long-ish term contract 4+ years.

This kid underperformed last season, we know this, but he is most assuredly a perennial all-star candidate. The kid is too good to part with this soon. And the teams that are interested are teams we don't want him to escape to. And the teams that want him the most have nothing that we would want in return.