My greatest FEAR is "being sick and being alone".... and now I am that very
thing - at least in the physical aspects of this life. See:
Living
with Silent Syndromes. I have no one close to lean on, be co-dependent
on, and from my terrifying childhood in regards to "unknown illnesses", having
ALL the "real" illnesses possible and being told I would die at age 7 of a
disease I didn't even have, I grew up in terror of being sick, and of no one to
take care of me. I was in total terror when my Mother left me alone to go to her
night school (my Dad was there but not really and that is a another story)....
and my parents did not have ANY outward spiritual beliefs, and so there I was:
no identity but a sick child, scared and alone....and lost.... but with clues to
my spiritual path here and there...and that is where my story begins...

INTRODUCTION...why I am sharing this in public on my web site...

I really think that religions are all the same and that it is "semantics"
... God is the same as Higher Power. I BELIEVE that each soul is a "piece of
God"...and that MY Higher Power is "my piece" IN my soul... my connection if you
will. Pray is the same as meditate.... Heaven is the same as a "state of being"
and maybe not "pearly gates" - unless one expects to find those when they "cross
over"... that heaven is what each one expects....

I cannot believe that a loving GOD would turn away people raised as
Jewish, Buddhist, Jehovah's Witnesses (had run ins with them in my journey!)
and all the rest of the world's faiths ... the more important thing is the
person's SOUL AND INNER SELF- if they are good and unconditionally loving
people.

I believe that each person's spiritual journey is theirs alone, each path
is different, and anyone that would preach/force their particular brand of
beliefs on another is being at the very least unkind... it's so individual and
it's a journey. I realize there are people who are lost that they would get
into cults, or negative beliefs, and that is their path/lesson to find their way
out of.... but that is another subject.

I have watched John Edward- Cross Country - (today's medium, a person who
comes from love and from the God Spirit, and that I feel is not in any way
contradictory to any religious beliefs) on the WE channel Saturday
nights. I totally believe in what he does - connecting people with departed
loved ones through his seminars, books... two of which I have read before my
shoulders gave out: -
Crossing Over : The Stories Behind the Stories
by John Edward and One Last Time : A Psychic Medium Speaks to Those We Have
Loved and Lost

I do believe our soul is ALL LOVE, UNCONDITIONAL LOVE - because that is
the part of God...the universal mind, the connecting threads.... it's all
words... an again; semantics....

Life is hard for me because I do know we are still us when we pass out
of this physical body. Because of my own irrefutable proof in my life, I KNOW we
reincarnate and learn more...that is why it is even harder for me to want to stay here,
in this sick body... What I need to do is get my own fears out of the way...
because my prayers (meditations) ARE answered all the time, with utterly magical
results that I can see very clearly...and I do have a foundation NOW... I just need to learn to step up
into it and STAY THERE where it is safe, peaceful and I am guided ....

I have for so long let anything and everything distract me from my inner
spirituality, So.... as best I can recollect each thing...I am going to tell my own
personal spiritual journey. I will refer to books as I go....but again, it is MY
journey, appropriate only for me. I share it as a way to
remind and re-focus myself, because there were many years, over 20 years ago,
when I was walking on my spiritual path, unafraid - before my life
changed, Distractions and confusions came into my consciousness, and finally my
health taking a major turn for the worse, demanding all my focus...and I share
this too, for those who are interested and might even get one little bit of
information for their own journey.... or just simply know me better....

What is METAPHYSICS?

Before I start my own spiritual "bio", here is where I "am at" in my outlook for
now... I am not a "finished product" by any means and hope to still grow, evolve
and so I can only speak from now and update as my experiences and belief's
do....and always keep in mind, these are ONLY my OWN opinions! Books I have
read along the way that influenced me are in bold yellow.

"Metaphysics" the very term only means "more than physics" or higher
physics....and I think that science and religion DO go hand in hand, - that all
the things that Jesus did (and I DO believe he did all that was written that he
did, include rising up) WERE/ARE "metaphysical" ie: scientific realities... how
about that!? In the same way I believe all the little miracles and blessings
that a dear relative of my ex-husband's has gotten from Sai Baba are also the same
"science".....India's great man Sai Baba is a spiritual man, an
advanced man...not as advanced as Jesus, no....I don't think anyone was before
or after Jesus was/is as advanced in THE knowledge.... and of course a Christian
would say that is because he is the son of God. Here I will be very
straightforward with you... I went through my life's journey from believing he
is the son of God "in the biblical sense" to believing he is/was one of the most
advanced human being on earth, at least as far as my limited study into other
religions...and really,
probably because even the Dali Lama just sits alone and he
did not go out and change the world.... well as far as my own limited knowledge
of those beliefs.

I feel that humans NEED religion to hang on to, to give life meaning, to
belong to a group, to feel needed, to be able to give to others and in many ways
some churches may be very good.... what turned me away was Man's twisted use of
any and all religions, including Christianity - that ended up hurting other
groups of people, taking away that other group's beliefs, forcing Christianity
on them, stripping whole cultures away and even killing them, all in the name of
god and Jesus... The utter brutality of HUMANS is crushing to my heart and
finally turned me away from all forms of organized religions.

I had truly STUDIED the Christian bible in a group and I read a book that took all the
archeological aspects of the bible and proved them with REAL HISTORY and for a
while that was very exciting, because I thought, if all those things really
happened, then all the things in the bible must be right, right?

Problem for me, is that MAN translated and translated and translated
it....and began to use this new religion for their own use.... I remember when I
was becoming unhappy with my church, even with a minister I liked, I felt that
the small bible study group was more a REAL "church" ...because there was no
agenda, just people studying, questioning freely, discussing, learning...and it
felt right. Why I even left off THAT was when the deeper questions I had, got no
answers from my minister or the bible... questions that eventually did give me
real answers when I turned my questing toward "metaphysics".... That is when I
found (I believe firmly that books find their way into our hands as they are
needed on our journey, at the right time and there is no such thing as a
coincidence.) a book called LIFE AFTER LIFE by a
medical doctor: Life after Life The Investigation of a Phenomenon--Survival of
Bodily Death by Raymond A. Moody... that totally took away my utter
FEAR OF DEATH that had haunted me all my life...the age old question "Is this
all there is" and if it is, then life/death means nothing and is just too
scary...

The second book that came into my hands via a positive thinking class
given by my local small town (religious based, I think it was
Presbyterian) hospital was: THE POWER OF YOUR SUBCONSCIOUS MIND by Joseph
Murphy. This book about the "little man with a file cabinet in the
back of your mind with all the answers you need" ...and a meditation from it,
that I still use today, changed my life and journey profoundly.

It is important to note that in every book there are
parts TO DISCARD... that you must read with a skeptical mind and only take away
the parts that FEEL RIGHT FOR YOU and discard the rest. No one man has all the
answers. I will note other books as I tell my story in chronological order...

My Beginnings
(I have also put in yellow the first few words of specific experiences that
influenced the direction of my journey)

On the whole my childhood was rather a black hole of illness, fears, and
struggle to go to school. My Mother's Mother (who used to baby-sit me often) believed in everything from UFOs,
to meeting Jesus in person, to having psychic readings, oh and she talked to her
animals including "Freddy the fly" that walked around her walls. I remember sneaking to the doorway of her living
room, after I was put to bed, to watch in fascination the TV show my Grandma
watched religiously - Oral Roberts [from Wikipedia Granville Oral Roberts (born
January 24, 1918) is an American neo-Pentecostal televangelist. He is also a
leader in the charismatic movement and a former faith healer] that "healed"
people in very dramatic ways...I was not sure what to think of this scary man
who placed his hands on people and yelled loudly and they would fall over....so
of course when my Grandmother tried to heal ME of my tummy ache by laying her
hands on me and praying like Oral did, I was so scared I pretended my
tummy got better just to please her!

My Mom admitted to me later in life that when she married my Catholic
raised Father, she "crossed her fingers behind her back" during the ceremony
where she had to say she would raise her children Catholic. In fact the only
memory of church I have is being dressed up as a tiny tot in a fancy dress, gloves
and a little hat for Easter services at a Presbyterian church. We may have gone
once for a Christmas eve service too but mostly we did not go to church at all.
My Father was not one for any church, having been raised by a rather strict
"children should be seen and not heard" Catholic Mother who felt herself
"royalty" for some reason. My Father retreated behind a newspaper or book most
of my life, inaccessible. My Mother seemed to have a basic faith all the time in
general because I remember her telling me "if it were not for my faith, I would
not have made it through your childhood troubles." (oh joy for a kid to hear!)
Mom did not believe in forcing anyone to go to church, and it is only now, in
her later years that she enjoys going each Sunday.

So all in all, I had a lot of fears, and no structure, no solid beliefs of
any kind.

My first real memory of something spiritual or "extra sensory"
was when I was in High School. I was very close to one girlfriend, and one day
as we both left school to walk home on the opposite sides of the large school, I
HEARD her YELL "Lyne!"....I looked around and behind me (I was walking all alone
across an empty field to my home, all by myself) and could not see her. It was
definitely her distinct voice and I was a bit freaked out. I hurried home and
called her as fast as I could...I hardly got out what I heard when she screamed
on the other end of the phone, and told me that she had witnessed the boy I had
a crush on at the time, barely escape a major car accident and had thought or
yelled IN HER MIND: "Lyne!" At that point we became a bit hysterical as
teenage girls will do, but there was no denying that we had a major "mental
telepathy" experience. I held on to that single incident like a life preserver
for years as my only proof that there was "more to life than just a physical
body". I think over my younger years I may have had 2-3 more striking
experiences but so much time in
between each incident, and no one to talk to about it, I felt very unsure...
Talk to my "kooky grandmother"? No, she was a
bit too strange for me to feel comfortable with and my Mother let me know she
felt her Mother was crazy. My Mother? Hardly. She would not
listen to anything that sounded like HER Mother's "stuff". My mother is a
very down to earth, practical no nonsense type. I did not have anyone or any way
of finding out what this was or how to make it happen again. It in some ways
made me feel more lost and lonely....so I just held on to my tiny rays of confused hope.

Skipping past my awkward, uncomfortable (with all my health issues, and
resulting emotional issues) school years, I ended up marrying my second
boyfriend when I was 18 years old. My first husband was introduced to me by my
first boyfriend, if you could call him that- he only wanted one thing and when
he didn't get it, he handed me off, literally, to his friend who was to become
my first husband, at a college dance! While I was dating my first husband, Bill,
he let me know he had a solid Christian foundation, being raised by his
Grandmother who made sure the boys went to church....a sweet loving woman who
baked a lot....that is important, remember that for later - that she loved to
bake cookies and great meals.

Bill had a repaired heart, (he was actually the first person to get a
pig's heart valve by the then famous heart surgeon!) but enlisted in the Marines
with a note from his surgeon, in order to prove to himself that he was healthy I
guess... and it was before he went off to Boot Camp that I had my first really
profound spiritual experience.

One quiet night, after my parents had gone to bed, Bill and I were sitting
quietly on the couch in the living room. He had an unusual expression on his
face, rather peaceful and almost glowing (I would say later in life I was
probably seeing his aura).... and I asked him "What are you thinking?". He
said "I was praying that you would know God so you would have some support when
I go off to the Marines." THE SECOND he said this, the entire room (a very
very large living/family room of expanse, with a dining area and kitchen
continuing right across the "room" area) was FILLED with such an ENERGY that it
was almost palpable...like one could reach out and feel it, take a handful of
it...and I jumped up from my place sitting on the floor at his feet and began to
cry my eyes out, I mean REALLY bawling my head off...as I walked THROUGH this
"energy" and felt it, soaked in it and named it "God". I cannot describe in mere
words how utterly tangible this HUGE, VAST energy, how powerful, how loving, how real it
was. It was that night in my life I came to believe in
"God" - in the rather conventional way of "the man in the sky, Christian based
idea. *I know now, from all my accumulated personal experience, that for ME this
energy was/is ME- MY SOUL - the very essence of the whole me...my Higher
Consciousness, Higher Self, the sum of all that I am with this truly
unconditional loving, creative, positive center of ME. But it took YEARS of more
experiences to reach that realization/epiphany.... But at least I had the "base"
- the foundation.... Yet after that night I still only had a bible from Bill and
did not quite understand, but did my best to see "God" as my FATHER - something
that was sorely missing in my life with my "non interactive
father"....

In short, Bill went to boot camp, made his heart
murmur worse with the rigorous Marine training and they booted him out (of
course not taking any responsibility for causing it to be worse and nearly
killing him) The core just handed him is medical discharge and that was that...saved
from Viet Nam. So he was gone really only for the weeks it took for boot
camp, graduation and some part of additional harder training. We had planned to
get married after he got home "from the war" ... so at this point we got our
parents permission (me being only 18) and we had a beautiful traditional wedding
that remains a bit of a blur... We did not go to church, and while he fought his
demons from boot camp (it was pretty harsh back then I guess) and worked to find
his career (becoming an accountant)... we followed the "usual path" and finally
moved from our apartment out to Simi Valley and into our own house.

I see UFO'S....NOT REALLY... ;)

During the time before my son's birth, while we
lived in an apartment, I was still searching for the meaning of my life, and got a hold of a book called Chariots of the Gods by Erich Von Daniken, Michael Heron
(Translated) that I read avidly
and scared myself half to death with... it seemed to prove what I just could not
accept at the time, but taught me one really good lesson then.... WITH ANY BOOK,
TAKE WHAT YOU FEEL IS RIGHT, AND LEAVE THE REST.... Currently I cannot
believe we are alone, period...and as I watch the NASA channel and how we are
looking through telescopes that are way out beyond our atmosphere, to solar
systems that are so like our own... weeelll... !? No I never saw a
UFO...but some people I respect did... Anyway...
back to spirituality...

Finally I found my way to the books that
were more about metaphysics than UFO's. I remember reading a few of the EARLY books by
Ruth Shick Montgomery (like HERE AND HEREAFTER) before she seemed to go off the deep end...and
I also read all the early books by the (to me) an even more believable psychic -
Edgar Cayce. His books were the BEST! I read
his
biography and other books and literally watched how he fought the fears of his
conventional southern Christian upbringing that made him feel this abilities
and inner knowledge were that of the "devil".... a man who really gave so much
knowledge, enlightenment and help to people around him....there are collections
and individual books by this man and his biography, so I won't list them out,
but I really believe he was the ONE true medium/psychic of his time.

Around 1974 we found a house of our own in the
bedroom community of Simi Valley. I was pretty scared of life, trying hard
to "pray" and handle a son with a birth defect and an huge anger within his little
soul...(I think even then he blamed me for this birth defect, and I sure blamed
myself) I would try to "talk to God" but life was emotionally
hard for me.... I kept my fears and immaturity deep inside - making myself a MOTHER
only, not a person. I tried to "be" just to care for my son. (in a not so
healthy way coming from my terribly damaged childhood - I did not hit him, more like
yelled way too much or went in my room, closed the door and did art work because
I did not know what else to do... (Thank Goodness my son has now forgiven me,
and he is one of the best things of my life, I could not BE more proud of the
man, husband and Father he has become!!!)....

My Experiences with Organized Religions, starting
with Christianity

Anyway, at this time Bill and I joined the local
Presbyterian church...and as with all things, when I get into something I jump
in with both feet, learning like crazy, went to bible study (didn't hurt the
minister was CUTE and liked his "all woman bible study", and seemed at the time to
be very open minded and almost spiritual... Ultimately he was the one that
failed me utterly and one main reason I left organized religion).... But BIBLE
STUDY - especially reading a book on Bible Archeology became very fascinating to
me because I was so starved for spiritual answers! I do believe the bible
(King James) was very accurate in archeology, and probably pretty accurate as
far as the history of
cultures and the life of the man Jesus... I was sooo in need that
I began to TALK TO GOD THE FATHER OR JESUS IN MY HEAD as I stood at the
kitchen sink with my hands in the soothing warm soapy water, washing dishes, as
I was looking out of the kitchen window at the trees and birds... and enjoying
the quiet (my son was in kindergarten) I felt I heard the words, heard the
replies, the guidance in my head....while at the same time there were still so
many blanks... I know NOW I was speaking to my Higher Power, my super conscious
if you will...talking to myself but not quite able to make a real connection or hold onto it well.

It was at this time the Jehovah's Witnesses came
knocking at my door... and THAT was the next very enlightening time for me. Here was
another slant on this thing called Christianity.... and fortunately my neighbor
knew her bible backwards and forwards and showed me -and them, the one time I
let them into my home, with her there with me. She showed them, and me, in her bible right there - how they left
things out, by just not reading the next paragraph (sorry forgot what you call
those "sections" of the bible).... AND I SAY NOW, I
HAVE NOTHING AGAINST ANY ONE PRACTICING IN THE Jehovah's Witness faith....I
truly feel that each person has their own journey and lessons to learn, their
own path... it's just that for me, I crossed paths
with their beliefs to have the experience of how man can make the bible (or any
book of faith) SAY what they want it to, for their own ends. I had the same
experience with meeting some of my own cousins that are strict Mormons - who spoke at my Grandfather's funeral...
Actually with THEM - I got another nugget of my own beliefs!! THAT OUR BODY WAS
"BUT A GLOVE AND OUR SPIRIT LEAVES THIS GLOVE AND CONTINUES ON." I knew this was
true in my heart and held onto this. This was long before I had read the books I
listed above too. It was during that time that I was so avidly going to
Sunday services and to my Bible Study that I became a "deacon" in the church
along with my husband... I even read a book on "Religions of the World" and felt
I could see that there are nuggets of truth in all faiths, but the only (IN MY
OWN OPINION) real truth for each person is from INSIDE THEMSELVES... what feels
right and true, not someone telling them what to believe.

Then it all went wrong....at a meeting of my bible study.....
The guest
speaker from the Sunday before had come to talk about the importance of HUGS....
and at my Bible Study this fateful day, my minister HUGGED ME in the kitchen when I went in there to get some tea or
coffee.... that sent a red flag up ... because while yes, I enjoyed the
attention... *sigh*.... it was NOT a friend to friend casual hug!! I
hardly knew how to feel about it, but knew it was just WRONG. And then IN
Bible study, when this man I admired so much could not even answer the questions
I kept asking. I was sure that a minister should know these important
things, like: WHY ARE PRAYERS NOT ANSWERED? He literally had no reply that
I remember or if he did, it was ambiguous. I began to feel very uncertain
about this "faith". NOTE: I did find my own answer to this
question later in my journey....

Church, Telepathy and Life After Death

At that time, I had gotten a hold of a book
called LIFE AFTER LIFE (REFERRED TO
ABOVE) after seeing a little segment on the TV news about "near death
experiences".
I was so excited to read that book and I eagerly loaned it to my minister... WHO
FOR SOME REASON IN A MONTH OR TWO MONTHS TIME NEVER GOT A CHANCE TO READ THIS
BOOK (a small paper back) he returned it to me... I was then - at that moment in
time, standing in the church parking lot, totally disillusioned that this most
studied man was NOT spiritual....When another woman came up to me and
said "I just can't get over the loss of my husband, could I borrow that
book?"....and I gave it to her gladly... She read it fast and retuned it to me
BEAMING with relief and joy that she could then move on with her life, her
SPIRITS LIFTED..... and I thought: How could I AND
THE BOOK I HAD, DO WHAT THE MINISTER SHE HAD BEEN TALKING TO ALL THIS TIME, NOT
DO?!?

I will relate one more thing before I left the
church and organized religion behind for good... in all the years between my
first real telepathic experience, I had had a few more - with a close girlfriend
or two, so I had remarked to one lady after bible study "What is so scary or
"evil" about mental telepathy? How do you think you talk to God when you pray in
your mind? How would he hear you?" It seemed rather logical to me, and she
went away with a whole new outlook afterwards.... I wish I did remember more
specific instances of my telepathy but I don't now....and they still were not very
often....my own fears and emotional scars were a BLOCK between being able to
HEAR messages or get information from my Higher Self.

I see dead people....well, sort of...

But one thing did come from my fear. I had a bit
too much focus on DEATH, during all those years... by the time I was married with a
small child in the early 1970's, I discovered sort
of accidentally that I could SEE where and how people who had just died were....
I mean, when my husband's brother died. I "saw" him "over there".... it was
just like a sudden "knowing" or seeing a picture in my mind...And that day, what
I had seen, turned out to be reality. I "saw" my brother in law curled up in the fetal position, in his underwear, WAY
BEFORE I learned that this was the way he was found. He had sadly
committed suicide... (This happened way back in the days of NO hope when you got aids...)
So I came to believe what I was seeing/feeling of some of my friends and
relatives who had passed, was true.
What I did was NOTHING like "Medium" or John Edward... just a little
flash of 'knowing'.

GIFTS OF SMELLS FROM OUR LOVED ONES....and my first
husband becoming an Angel to watch over our son...

Later when
my husband's Grandmother (the one who raised him- the one I mentioned up above
and said remember that!?) passed....and he was laying next to me in bed late one
night...when our bedroom (at the opposite end of the house from our kitchen,
plus I do NOT cook/bake well at all!!) FILLED THE MASTER BEDROOM UP WITH THE
SMELL OF FRESH-BAKED COOKIES!!! WE BOTH SMELLED IT AND REACTED AT THE SAME TIME....
Poor Bill, being of such strict conventional Christianity rather freaked out,
while I was filled with joy, saying IT'S HER!! SHE CAME TO
SAY GOODBYE TO YOU!!! THIS IS WONDERFUL!!! The smell faded and I was so
sad that he just could not accept it....but I was thrilled at the REALITY of
this phenomena because
I know odors are one of the basic ways of how our loved ones can contact us.... In fact when Bill
himself got sick and died (many years later after we had sadly divorced and had
been apart a long long time).... and my son called me to tell me late one night.... I sat right
down in my quiet empty house (my current husband was not home at the time) and I
just said over and over and over: BILL I TOLD YOU SO, I TOLD YOU SO ....THAT YOU
WOULD STILL BE YOU... I TOLD YOU SO!!! I was like a grinning fool.... (I
shed my tears too, but almost more for myself than him) because by this time
with my own very STRONG belief that we go on after
death, I could not morn or grieve for someone who had come to the end of his
rope in this physical life (that is another story, not mine)....that he was in a
better place....and HIS health problems were gone and best of all he found he
could be my son's Guardian Angel.... (now that is also another story!!- of the
many times we just KNEW my son and his family were saved by both my son's intuition
and his Father's help!).... Another thrilling contact "from the other
side" from my first husband, was MY SON AND HIS WIFE, INDEPENDENTLY
SMELLED HIS
DAD'S PIPE TOBACCO WHILE OUTDOORS - TWICE!....and also FELT Bill's BIG SMILE of his big
gently loving self....and other "signs".... So there it was again, COMMUNICATION
with those PASSED OVER.... ! Each time I rejoice in my experiences as it
is a constant reminder that there IS LIFE AFTER LIFE and we do go on... and
THEREFORE THERE IS A REASON FOR LIVING! I could not continue on
with this life if I did not feel strongly that there is a REASON FOR OUR
LIVES... Life can be so hard much of the time...

[A book that had great influence on my inner growth:Creative Dreaming 2nd edition by Patricia Garfield, PH.D.]

My Recurring Dream...
When I was young I was plagued by nightmares. Of course growing up in the 60s
was a period of time when much of humanity was plagued by the fear of an atom
bomb falling on them… But my recurring nightmare of war was different, in a very
odd way.As far back as I can remember during times of extreme stress I would have
a nightmare of being killed by bombs in a war. The dream was identical in every
way, each time I dreamt it. I became aware of myself standing in a very high
stone archway trying to seek protection from the falling bombs. I could see the
bombs quite clearly. They were rather small, long oval in shape and hadfins on oneend. I was also aware of
myself- that I seem to be female- dressed in a rather thin white short smock
like thing. I was terrified out of my mind, knowing I was going to die. I was
aware that the buildings around me were devastated. These long walls of arches
were very high, but there was just dirt outside and inside. At one point as my
fear increased there seems to be another little girl that I was trying to help
shelter. But I know now that was just another part of me manifesting in my dream,
because I was trying to take care of myself. Ultimately a bomb fell directly on
me and at that point I would wake up in utter terror. I would lay there
wondering how I could dream that when living in a time when most terrifying
visions of bombs were made up of those mushroom clouds like I had seen on the television
news.

Over the course of many years, I continued to have this exact
same dream. I don't remember the year when I finally saw a photo of the exact
place that I died. It was in my mother's new photo album from her trip to
Asia. I do know I was already living in Simi Valley as a young mother. Each time
my mother would take a vacation, she would assemble her photos from that trip in
a special album to share with everyone. I distinctly remember going to her
office one day and sitting in a chair next to her desk and leafing through the album
pages. When I got to the page with a photograph of the very same arches from my
dream, I stared at it in shock. I suddenly felt dizzy-like I was falling a great
way through time and it scared the living daylights out of me. I slammed the
album shut! After a few moments I steadied myself and endeavored to open the album
back up and look harder at that photograph. In a stumbling way I tried to
explain to my mother (someone who in no way shape or form would understand or
believe what I was trying to explain) that that was the photo from my recurring
dream. I did ask her for an enlargement of that very same photograph and to my
surprise she did comply. Anyway, at the time I continued to look through the next
pages of her album. When I came to a photograph of the big guns still there on
that island, I instantaneously could hear what they sounded like when in use, and
that was a shock as well.

When I got that enlarged photograph from her I sat down in my
own home one day, meditating to put a lot of white light of protection around
myself. I really looked hard at the photograph to try to understand my reaction.
I had also learned that this photograph was taken on an island in the
Philippines named Corregidor and that there were no females on that war-torn
island. I tried to learn as much as I could about the history of the area. I watched history shows on television
of actualfilms of the war action going on at that time. I instantly
recognized the uniforms of the Japanese military with their distinctive caps
which had ear flaps hanging down each side. By doing all this research I was
able to deduce the year I died
from that life was about 1944. (I was born here in 1949). I understood later that
this was an extremely short recycling time for souls.

At this time in my life I had become friends with a young
woman my age who was farther along her path of metaphysical studies. She sat in
a new housing development model home every day as her job. That is, she was there
to give people brochures, talk to them about housing prices in that development,
and send them out the other door to the models. So in essence in between those
occurrences she and I had a lot of time to sit and talk to one another. We had
been talking about astrology and numerology, of ghosts in dreams, etc. for a
while now. When I told her about my reaction to the photograph her reaction was
"well of course that was your life before this one!" She was so matter-of-fact
about it and seemed to be wondering why I wasn't. But at that time in my life the
idea that reincarnation was real was a tremendous shock. It was like my mind was
trying to expand faster than I could handle. I did began to hunt for books
written by people who had similar experiences to mine in one way or other. I
remember reading one book about a young woman who traveled to a small town very
far from where she had grown up and was disturbed by a the incredible amount of
"déjà vu" that she was experiencing in her very first visit to this town. She
began to do the research and found evidence of her own previous life there.

All of these things combined with my own amazing experience
was certainly the next stepping stone of my own personal spiritual journey. I
never expect anyone else to believe in reincarnation, but it is my own personal
reality that has created my own truths in this area.

At least I never had that
dream again! I understood, deep inside myself, that I had finally put my
previous life "to rest". I had put that experience in it's place, and I could
move forward, fully engaged with THIS current life!

Note: because so many years have passed since
I started writing this I feel I need to just get the highlights of my spiritual
journey down in print at this point. I am 66 years old, and as I approach the
inconceivable reality of being 70, and even 80 years old, I'm beginning to face
the reality that this lifetime is almost finished. So while my mind is still
sharp I am very determined to share my story. What will follow from this point
are bits and pieces that are probably not in chronological order, but I will do
my best.

The Power of White Light…

It was a few years after I got my first horse… Let's see… I
remember at this point I had my Arabian mare that I would go care for and go
riding daily. At this time my son was in high school. It was also during this
time my best friend Pam would bring her youngest child, Paul, to ride around on
my gentle mare. Pam could see that life was very difficult for me emotionally,
and that I was often sad in spite of being able to be around horses every day.
It was at this time in life, that my husband (who had always been a
workaholic-therefore absent from home life a lot) was also taking business trips
and would be gone for months at a time, so I was left on my own to care for my son. The
constant recurring theme of my life: abandonment.

Anyway, Pam had taken a class given through a local hospital,
about how to be happier and more relaxed in life. This class was based on the
book that I mentioned above (The Power of Your Subconscious Mind). She told me
that she would repeat the class if I would just come with her. It took her some time
to talk me into it, but I finally went. Going to that class and especially
having this book come into my life was a critical turning point for me. It not
only taught me about the power of my subconscious mind, but also my super
conscious mind (to me that is be my soul, or my higher self) but gave me a basis
for my meditation and beliefs for the rest of my life. I still often repeat this
meditation:

I bring white light into my body,
asking for strength, guidance, and protection. While saying these
words I would stand with hands slightly turned open palm, close my eyes, and
breathe in slowly a long deep breath, while repeating those words. I repeat this
three times because for some reason repeating it opens me up to my Higher Self.
I draw the energy of my soul back down into my physical body, through all
of my chakras…

(I learned about chakras by reading another book, of which I
cannot remember the title-but I do remember the colors. I used to cleanse my
body and all my chakras by visualizing the colors of the chakra energy coming
into each point-but that's another story)…

And then I when I feel connected to my higher self, I ask for
what I need- all by visualizing white light around any person or situation that
needs help or attention. I often visualize white light of protection around
those I care about, any means of transportation they are using, or any situation
needing extra help.

I think at this point it's important to say that I had begun
to realize that "God" for me, is the very essence and energy of my soul. All of
the love and the care, the protection and the guidance, the information I needed
at any given time in my life has always been provided to me by my soul. While my
soul surrounds me and I am of my soul, I adopted the name: Higher Self. This
name for me expresses the higher energy of my complete soul which contains all I
have ever been, all that I am, and all that I will be. There were many
situations in life that reinforced this direction of my belief system but right
now I want to share about how I began to understand this powerful energy that I
can generate and use in my physical life that I call White Light.

The story of saving baby chicks from wild
feral cats!

It was during my time of owning horses, that I spent a great
deal of time down at the place where I was boarding them. It was a rather
wild area bordering on a wash or streambed that ran through the bedroom
community of Simi Valley. I boarded mymare in a small
pipe stall at this location. There were several pipe stalls, surrounding a sandy
arena, with a rustic rough tack shed at one side. Behind the tack shed (a rather
long shed with many doors that could be padlocked) the grassy weedy ground
sloped up to the main house-where the owners of this area lived. So while
the houses were on higher ground, below each house was a strip of sandy dry land
with the streambed backing it. Most of the homeowners did not do much with their
extra "backyard" so there were a lot of open spaces where grassy weeds grew
wild. In this area there were many feral cats-large fierce tomcats and several
female cats. The owners of the home where I boarded also had a few chickens in
pens for fresh eggs for their family. Some of these chickens had gotten out of
the pens over the years, and then became wild. There were two or three hens and
a rooster that lived behind the Tack shed. These chickens being full-grown had
nothing to fear from the feral cats. But it was their babychicks that were always being killed by the hungry cats.

Now at this time I had finished reading the book-The Power of
your Subconscious Mind-and was beginning to adopt the meditation and the idea of
protective white light in my life. I will admit that I still am the type of
person that needs to have something proven to me, before I will believe it, and
often even then I still have a hard time believing something and need it proved
over and over and over. Also it was during this time that I had become close
friends with another horse owner named Marie. She and I enjoyed many
conversations about psychic things. She shared with me about how she trained her
Arabian stallion with "thought communications", and she would prove it to me by
showing me how she did that during her training. Because we both respected and
loved horses so much, we both knew our horses were highly intelligent. I do
believe that her Arabian stallion was exceptionally intelligent and open to
Marie's silent thought instructions while she had him on the lunge line.

At any rate because Marie especially loved birds too, she
tended to make pets of the wild chickens. Between the two of us we got the idea
to do an experiment of protecting the tiny babychicks
from the feral cats. We wanted to prove to ourselves that white light energy
used for protection is valid. So we agreed to visualize in our minds that the
baby chicks were surrounded by our white light of protection every day. Now keep
in mind that when each batch of baby chicks were born, or rather hatched, that
they were almost immediately killed and eaten by all the feral cats, never
making it to adulthood. So with a new batch of baby chicks, Marie and I went to
work meditating every single day, visualizing those babies being protected with
white light. Each day we would arrive in the morning to feed our horses and we
would look around for the baby chicks. When we saw them alive and well we were
thrilled! We did this for several days with absolute success. Then came the day
when coincidentally both Marie and I were dealing with something else in life
that distracted us, and caused us to forget our white light protection
meditation. The next morning when we came to feed the horses, one or two baby
chicks were gone. (And yes we kept count from the time they were born) We felt
terrible and responsible for the loss of the baby chicks life, and with great
determination went back to our daily use of protective white light around them.
At the end of a few weeks we had both been able to see the baby chicks grow up
into full-size chickens, who were able to protect themselves from the feral
cats. We repeated this experiment with several more broods of chickens off and on
during our time boarding horses.

We both also began using white light around other things. When
my mare gave birth to a foal I put white light around her and her new foal,
every day. One day when I was in a very very bad mood I neglected to use
my white light around my baby. As I was walking her up the hill on a lead line
she stepped on a long roofing nail. It went straight up into her tinyhoof to my utter horror. We were able to remove it and
immediately called the vet. It was a very dangerous time because in spite of the
vet giving her a tetanus shot and antibiotics, the vet warned me that this was
life-threatening in more ways than one. Of course I went to work with a lot of
heavy meditation for my foal's recovery. She had to have her hoof well wrapped
for a long time. Finally there came a day when the vet unwrapped her foot, and
declared it healed. I truly felt that it was my fault for falling down on the job
of using my white light of protection in this area that was so fraught with
dangers.

I continued from that time in my life to believe in, and use
white light in many many ways. Yes life was still difficult, and is still
very difficult, and yes bad things can happen. But for me I still cling to the
belief that I have a bit of control of the elements in my life by consciously using
white light. I truly believe that "what we think-is" or to put it another way
"what we believe-becomes".

************************

Note to self: share about how I feel that we as human beings
generate this higher energy to sustain our soul… Just one of the many reasons
that we become physical beings.

Note to self: Add other self-regression life stories here

late 1880's life in the western usa (done two ways...first on
my own, then that life became clearer when I worked with a therapist who was
willing to
take me into a regression, going back, back back...that was interesting in that
I saw/was an infant TIGHTLY curled up, which my Mother later confirmed that I
was so "uptight" even as a tiny baby, she could hardly unbend my legs to change
my diapers!)

Mongolian life as heavy woman in the back of a two wheeled cart on a grassy open
plain "snippet - flash".

Asian life as the care taking woman of MANY little children in some sort of
school or institution... a very HAPPY life.

My life 'resting' in the body of a wild mustang roaming wild
in the high desert areas of Southern California... there were several clues to
the reality of that life, that came during my waking, active life at that time
too. I believe that we can just "take a break" from human lives, by taking
up residence in the body of an animal... a horse, cat or dog being the most
common choices. My equine life was a short life... but one I just knew
to be true... I didn't meditate to recall this life, it was more the clues I
picked up on by being super aware of myself and my reactions around my own
horses in this life... Some of my clues or indications were: When out
trail riding, we would stop and listen and look around... BOTH my horse and I
would do the SAME thing... widen our nostrils, taking in scents and if my own
human ears could have "prick forward alertly" they would have. I would just FEEL
more like a horse on alert than a human being, until I sort of "caught myself at
it"... and then would sit thinking about how interesting it was. I also
KNEW the taste of succulent sweet GRASS... all my life... Keep in mind, I AM a
germ-a-phobe, but I'd put a piece of grass in my mouth and chew on it (fresh
green grass) and even more shocking.... When cleaning out my mare's small metal
water bowl OF ALGAE AND DIRT, right after I scrubbed it as clean as I could with
a vegetable brush, and "rinse" it with clean water, I'd think nothing of
sticking my own nose in her water dish and sucking the water up deeply... Very
refreshing! This was just so NOT something I'd normally do, not when even going
to a public restroom and touching a door knob would send me into a period of
absolute terror! But the final "cap" on this story- the incident that made
that life as a horse a certainty, was when I went to the High Desert one day.
My then husband and I had driven way out in the desert, looking for wild
flowers... We stopped by the roadside for a break. I got out, and just as he was
trying to tell me to Watch out for rattle snakes! I started to
bound off and RUN through the dunes in sheer delight! (again NOT something
I'd ordinarily do, not being athletic and also being fearful of cactus spines,
snakes, etc... but I sucked in the warm air (grew up loving warmer climes) and
so FELT I was a horse and "saw" myself running with the sheer joy of equine
freedom!

Note: my efforts to have an OTB (out of body experience)

My PRE- Earth History
This section is more like watching "Ancient Aliens" on TV... it's pretty far
"out of the box" but for me, it's a reality proven out by my OWN
research, going "back" to who I was at the start of my lives here on this
planet... I'll add the actual recounting of THAT incident where I,
on my own, regressed to that life and found myself in an alien body...pretty
startling and scary, but educational for me!!

***********************
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