I have a Dell Inspiron 5000e, and none of the apm featues will work. Apmd
segfaults and will not start. I can manually suspend, but not with apm.
Consiquently the battery monitors do not work. I'm not sure what is at
fault: apmd, my hardware, the kernel ...

Your BIOS is at fault. We're seeing this problem with a lot of Dell notebooks with some BIOS versions, and there's nothing we can do to fix it.
Try getting a new BIOS from Dell. If the current version doesn't fix it, try sending them a message explaining their APM support is broken.

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