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I'm a 64-year old father of three and grandfather of six with opinions on nearly everything. I believe in courtesy, common sense, and fair play. I love ballroom dancing, reading, gourmet cooking, and travel. While I'm opinionated, I'm not close-minded, and I welcome your constructive comments on my blog. My motto: "I have seen the truth, and it makes no sense."

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Monday, April 25, 2011

Accountants

Standing at the lip of the huge, smoking crater where the economy used to be are the people who helped to create it - the wizards of the financial mismanagement community, their pet politicians ... and their accountants. What can we say about accountants? Here are a few things ...

What's the definition of an accountant? Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.

What's the definition of a good tax accountant? Someone who has a loophole named after him.

When does a person decide to become an accountant? When he realizes he doesn't have the charisma to succeed as an undertaker.

What does an accountant use for birth control? His personality.

What's an extroverted accountant? One who looks at your shoes while he's talking to you instead of his own.

What's an auditor? Someone who arrives after the battle and bayonets all the wounded.

Why did the auditor cross the road? Because he looked in the file and that's what they did last year.

There are three kinds of accountants in the world: those who can count and those who can't.

How do you drive an accountant completely insane? Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him and fold up a road map the wrong way.

What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don't? Depreciation.

An accountant is someone who knows the cost of everything and the value of nothing.

An accountant who was having a hard time sleeping went to see his doctor. "Have you tried counting sheep?", the doctor asked. "That's the problem," the accountant replied. "I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it."