I’d prefer to not keep writing columns in a hospital, but life seems to have other plans.

I recently spent a week with a loved one and, finally, there was a positive update. From despair to elation. A transition. This time we got to breathe a sigh of relief. Last time, we weren’t so lucky.

So like all good Facebookers I was killing time waiting for another test to be done when an award recipient I knew, recognized for her dedication to our community, popped up on FB messenger.

“How are you doing?” she asked.

Well, for the second time in six months I was struggling with a parent who was gravely ill and my pet has a terminal illness, second dog in 14 months. How’s that for an answer? Ya, people don’t want to hang around me much.

Pierrette Raymond started talking about life transitions. I’m sure she had better things to do than keep an only child company, virtually, in a hospital room. But she’s the kind of person who has her team from 1-800-GOT-JUNK help with things like sandbags during flooding.

“Whether they are grieving the loss of a loved one, facing a separation or divorce, dealing with a friend’s estate or moving through a tough time in their lives we feel the need, and responsibility, to help those that we can help,” she says.

Then she shared with me her own transition, her kids leaving home. Folks don’t talk enough about that. It was a hard one for me this month as I scrolled through photos of graduations and thought, “Just wait …”

“One of my most recent transitions, following the death of my parents and sister-in-law, was my empty nest. I didn’t realize how challenging this time would be. Despite my extensive tool kit, experience and expertise in grief and loss, transitions and change, I found myself in a very challenging time,” Raymond says.

My closest friends know I did not do well when my only child left home for university. And there was menopause. Well that’s a kick in the shins! All this happened while building a new company. Transition.

Raymond isn’t a counsellor. She’s a successful businesswoman who gave up almost everything to found her first company. In the solitude of a hospital room, six months after losing my dad, and afraid I was going to lose my mom, she just shared, for no reason except to help me. Shouldn’t we all do that?

“I missed my children terribly,” she told me. “I missed their laughter. I missed our conversations. I missed doing their laundry.” I stopped her there. Laundry?

She continued, “I always loved having them home, hearing their laughter, their loud music, having their friends over and sharing in their lives. I missed them so much, and still do.”

After I talked to Raymond, I was speaking with another friend who doesn’t eat vegetables. And I found myself telling him why that’s a bad idea. Then I realized I should not lecture. I collect huge containers of protein powder as a hobby. One day I’ll use them when I remember to buy a blender.

Instead, I should have just listened and shared my own struggles with getting onto my yoga mat or bike. Nobody wants to be lectured. What we all need is to hear that while our particular sticking point may be unique, having a sticking point is not.

“Discounting what I was feeling so I could focus on other ‘more positive’ things of the transition were, in fact, more hurtful than they were helpful,” Raymond says. “Logically, I knew it was a natural phase of life. Having the sadness that accompanied it was not triggered by my brain, but by my heart.”

I don’t know much, but as a person who’s been accused of “oversharing” (absolutely true) I’ve always been a big believer that pretending we’re perfect shouldn’t be a thing.

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