Thursday, January 06, 2005

Michigan 1:4

A letter to the people of Michigan regarding their anger and inability to talk to one another, for which Mikey has arrived to edify the people of Michigan on solutions.

Do not Mock me people of Michigan. For I was once one of you: I walked in your shoes, drank your beer, ate your horrific food and felt the rage that each of you carries to this day.
Unlike you, I have fled this soul crushing burden and I have set myself free.

I can only wish the same for each and every one of you. Save one, and his name will not be spoken here. The name of this one translates into common english as, "Fat Ass fool who is deaf from working at GM and who has a megalomanic, hideous wife who steals his soul and covers him in endless darkness". For him, I wish a peace that will only arrive upon the grand visit of the reaper herself, only at this time will is unparalleled stupidity allow him rest. Blessings be upon him nonetheless and let him know the blessing of Mikey. Though he should stay in Michigan where his misery is best kept..

Long have I seen the people of Michigan hurl obscenities at each other, knowing not where each other emanates from, the burden you each carry. Long have I seen the people of Michigan burning things on television and shooting each other on its freeways. This misdirected rage is the synonym of drinking poison and waiting for everyone else to die.

See this horrible tribulation for what it is: a product of your environment and not the genetic burden passed to you.

What great price will you pay, should each of you simply smile to one another, acknowledging the great burden of your place and time, finding comfort in the common struggle. Instead, you remain so very alone; cursing cashiers, construction staff, florists, the occasional visiting Jehovah's witness(wrong as the Witnesses may be)

Could it be.....That the hell that is the focus of so many dogmas, may in fact exist in Michigan, may be Michigan itself. There is so much suffering there, endless suffering, endless whining, endless self inflicted pain. Its lakes do actually burn on occasion. It is colder the closer you go to the bottom. Demons do fly about the skies. Coincidence?

Could Michigan, be hell? And its governor, the actual devil?

Perhaps the closer you are to redemption, the farther away you live from Detroit, and the more damned, the closer you live to Detroit.

Is not rooting for the Detroit Lions, much like the boulder that is pushed up and down the hills of hell, only to be pushed up and down again, for all time?

Then, people of Michigan, I implore you: if you are of sound body and of means... Gather your flock and leave. Your eternal soul is in question if you stay.

2 Comments:

With weighty breakfast sausage still upon me, glazed with a smidge of raspberry-flavored syrup, bottled right here in Michigan, as a representative of my people I would sincerely like to say YOU SUCK !!! There is not one good thing I have to say about this book of Mikey. Michigan 1:4 my Malice at the Pal-Ass, what about Michigan 3:16 ? What's that say BITCH ?!! It reads,..... "And came the day when Mikey was cast out of Michigan for SUCKING ! Yea, people had been cast out of Michigan before for SUCKING but none, none have SUCKED and SPEWED DISCENTFUL SUCK-AGE before like mikey 1:4 which has SUCKED like none other. Can I get a deer blind,...yes,...yes,...spread the blood around a little bit more." It's usually found in an unmarked footnote somewhere, yeah my friend, in the good book of Revealations. It's from a much smaller publisher,...from Canada, you wouldn't know her. So in conclusion, YOU SUCK !! Take it back !! You Pinko-BASTARD!! Eat Bugs. Don't forget to Have a Nice Day FARTKNOCKER !

It is written that to live in and enjoy Michigan, you must carry the mark. The mark of Bitterness. Many blessings to you and yours and the prayer that you will cast off your mark and join humanity. Go forth and know the blessings and peace of Mikey.