The Speculometron: Will Deadpool be rated PG-13?

by Matt Singer

Using the most advanced computer technology ever invented, and a proprietary algorithm devised by a secret government think tank, The Dissolve created The Speculometron to determine the mathematical probability of the Internet’s latest movie rumors.

Evidence: “I heard from the director that they finally figured out the script, and it was right before this was announced, that they figured out, and you guys are all going to hate this, that they figured out how to make it PG-13 and therefore not lose its soul—that’s a quote—of the script so they can make it.”

The Speculometron’s calculations: This rumor greatly confused our beloved Speculometron. On social media, reaction to this news was overwhelmingly negative, with many fans preemptively accusing Fox of “ruining” Deadpool by shackling him with a PG-13 rating. The assumption by many is that Deadpool, a wise-cracking, foul-mouthed, ultra-violent mercenary, will be neutered if he’s not rated R. A PG-13 Deadpool, the argument goes, is no Deadpool at all.

The Speculometron is a highly advanced computer, not a awkward comic-book nerd pretending to be a highly advanced computer (because that would just be incredibly stupid), but if the Speculometron was an awkward comic-book nerd, he would laugh at this “rumor” and be shocked at the reaction to it. It’s not as if Marvel’s Deadpool comics are adults-only affairs. Apart from a brief series published by Marvel’s “mature” imprint Max, Deadpool’s been bound by the same content guidelines as just about every other comic from Marvel. Maybe the Speculometron’s archives are missing a few issues here are there, but it finds no record of a Deadpool book with hardcore nudity, more F-bombs than Goodfellas, and graphic torture-porn-style gore. Marvel has its own ratings system, but most Deadpool comics would probably earn a PG-13 from the MPAA.

Of course Deadpool will be rated PG-13. Basically every comic-book movie made in the last 20 years is rated PG-13. Fox has made two movies about Wolverine, a government assassin who stabs people with razor-sharp knives that grow out of his hands, and those were both rated PG-13. A G-rated Deadpool might be a shocker. A PG-13? Not so much.