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“… oh, what a laugh it would have been, if Daddy had only seen Mommy kissing Santa Claus last night.”

Lubbock TX — Santa Claus was shot dead by a jealous husband late Tuesday night in a double murder. William Joseph Courouge, 38, has been charged by police with the murder of Mr. Claus and Cindy Lou Courouge, 31.

Mr. Courouge was quoted as saying while being led away in handcuffs from the scene, “Lucky I heard my kid creep down the stairs to have a peep. Where I come from, that ain’t “kissing.” She sure as hell wasn’t tickling him only under his beard.”

An elf who wished to remain anonymous said, “I’m surprised this hasn’t happened sooner. I mean no one got more action in one night than Santa. The miracle of Santa wasn’t that he delivered all those presents in one night. It was that a fat, thousand-year old man could [get an erection] so many times in such short order. These women would throw themselves at Santa like a bunch of drunk Tri-Delts lusting after the captain of the football team. They all wanted to ‘unwrap Santa’s package.'”