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Sunday, May 26, 2013

Let's be better than that.

I just found out Dawn French got divorced. I'm in shock, and by
"shock" I mean "more than averagely surprised," I've not
been hospitalised or anything. I'm not sure why I am so surprised - she's one of the celebrities
I feel like I know. I love her confidence, her humour, her multicultural,
long-lasting marriage. Now I feel confused. I am regularly confused about
something, but it's not a state I relish. Her marriage has ended, she's
remarried, she's lost weight... what?

I think perhaps I find her having lost weight a little more
disturbing than her having got divorced. Marriages end, it takes two people to
make them work, and sometimes they just don't. But with dieting... that's a
personal decision. And to be honest it is usually a negative one, or at least
the process feels quite negative. I mean does anyone ever really want to
diet? You don't think "Yay! I am morbidly obese, I can change my whole
life, and protect my health by losing weight!" you think "I have to
do this, I have to do this, I have to do this. I can't do this. This chocolate
is what's killing me. Why am I like this? Why am I such a failure?"

I guess the issue I have is that I find it so very sad when people
can't see how awesome they are and feel like they have to change themselves to
become closer to some stereotypical idea of beauty. As it stands, I am the only
person I know who has ever gone on a diet without beginning the process feeling
ugly, or even slightly ashamed at my extra kilos. You can read about how I got to that place here if you want. I know there must be
other people out there who view themselves not just with acceptance but positively but I don't know them.

One of the expats who vacations on my complex gifted me a load of magazines this week. They are old. I think the newest is from 2011. Not that it makes any difference to me. The only time I read those semi-trashy, celebrity, "real life" magazines, is when someone gives them to me. I don't follow those types of stories on the news. I might watch them on TV if a) my scathing-of-popular-culture-husband was out, and b) we had a TV. Flicking through them there were two things I noticed. 1) I don't know anybody. Actually, that's not quite true - I had heard of Richard and Judy, but Coleen (Kai is running her ragged / wants to be healthy again;) Alex (angling for a payoff;) Kerry (hiding her love for this man;) Denise (jets off to save marriage;) and Leandro (first interview) - no idea. In some instances I don't even know the gender of these people. 2) These magazines are not positive, but are very much given to exaggeration. For example - one headline "Richard and Judy: Rocked by new family drama - Chloe reveals all" sounds like something bad has happened. As if there really has been some terrible trauma in their lives. Turn to the story - Chloe (Richard and Judy's daughter!) is happy and enjoying life, working on some show called "Dancing on Ice." The great family trauma...? They did a bit of research on their family tree and they had a dodgy ancestor. Is that news? obviously not for a serious news publication, but even for a trashy mag that has got to be stretching it. Two thirds of the front page given oven to advertising a non-story. How weird. Obviously it is total wishful thinking to want companies to only print stories if they are actually news worthy (you can't just pick and choose when you bring out you magazine after all) but surely their headlines should be a little more honest? I mean, okay they can't write "Richard and Judy experienced a non-event this week!" but maybe "Richard and Judy: surprised they have an interesting ancestor!? Chloe mentions it in passing."

Anyway, where am I going with this. I don't think that
how miserably so many women think about their bodies is all the
medias fault. The media print what people
think, exaggerate it a bit, realise it sells, keep printing it,
people keep reading it, and start to believe this is actually how the
world is. One of the glossy magazines I was gifted was having a "positive
ageing issue." According to their headlines you can "look better feel
better live better;" eat "7 foods to keep you younger;"
"take years off your body;" "rediscover your sex appeal"
and enjoy some "facial creams and treatmentstested just for you" (the bold typing is theirs.) None of this
strikes me as positive. At least not more than superficially so.
Where are the articles about mature women teaching younger ones how to
appreciate themselves exactly as they are? Where is the shared wisdom from
people who have really lived? Where is the article about people with marriages
who have worked and lasted and still have something to talk about around the
dinner table? Where is the pride that you have lived, and survived, that you
have helped make a country in which women can be considered equal, in which we
live longer than ever before? Where are the stories about older women who have
really achieved something with their lives? Why on earth are women being
completely fobbed off with articles about how to look younger?? Fine - people
want to look their best, but a positive ageing feature and that is the sum
total of the positivity - you can look better. WTF? Where is theafterwards- you go on a diet,
you buy some new clothes, you get some good face cream and that's it. All your
goals in life are fulfilled? There has to be more than that - women are better
than that. Humanity is better than that. Nobody reaches old age without having
loved and lost people – without understanding how transient life is and learning to value
every second.

So to Dawn French - good job losing weight. But thank you for being a
person who lets life shine through you. Who has had a career longer than my
entire life span. Thank you for making the world a better place with your
amazing ability to see truth and make it funny. Thank you for making dark
places light. You have made a difference, and I am grateful.