I also asked a dear friend of mine who has also lost multiple babies and had failed ivf attempts and is still fighting to have a baby what her point of view is on the subject and she said "Your belly your business"

And I have a friend who has tried for 4 years, including failed IVF and miscarriage and feels none of it is worth the risk.

The view and how each woman feels about her loss is very personal and individual.

We are learning all about the facts and nasty details about the effects on a foetus when their mum smokes at Uni. It is horrible. I do stare and I do judge because it is so wrong, it is an issue that I feel really strongly about. These mothers know it is wrong so they shouldn't be surprised when they are judged. I don't think I would ever go up to a woman and say something though, she knows it is wrong... what I say isn't going to change her mind.

Who says the mother who cant quit an ADDICTION does not care? It's an addiction!

I am not a smoker, have never touched a cigarette in my life but I have fought addiction thankfully I beat it before i was pregnant, I still fight that addiction 7 years later, especially when highly stressed or emotional (like when pregnant) I could not imagine trying to quit my addiction while pregnant, it was hard enough when emotionally rational!

If they cared as much as they should they would be trying to ensure their baby gets the freshest healthiest start possible. Everybody makes sacrifices in their life for their children, whether its cigarettes, alcohol, or things like jobs or education, even relationships. But if your carrying a defenceless child who has no choice in the matter, you could get your family to help you, and just not buy that packet of cigarettes and buy your child something instead.

I definitely judge. There is no good reason medical or otherwise for a person to be smoking whilst pregnant or any time really. It is a disgusting habit. My views are strong but working on the cancer ward in a hospital will do that to you.

'see what had happened was..there were these three ninjas and a blue monkey and well it really wasn't my fault..'

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Originally Posted by mummybynature

We are learning all about the facts and nasty details about the effects on a foetus when their mum smokes at Uni. It is horrible. I do stare and I do judge because it is so wrong, it is an issue that I feel really strongly about. These mothers know it is wrong so they shouldn't be surprised when they are judged. I don't think I would ever go up to a woman and say something though, she knows it is wrong... what I say isn't going to change her mind.

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Are you also learning at Uni the effect smoking has on the brain and how hard it is for someone to actually llive and deal with addiction? Addiction is rawly as simply as just giving up because you are pregnant and judgements don't help anyone they simply make the person suffering feel bad about themselves and maybe less willing to seek help for their problem because of fear of judgement.

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Even as an ex-smoker, I dont think its as easy as "just dont buy the smokes" or "just quit". My Aunty has more money than she can spend and she has tried EVERYTHING to quit. She has traveled the world and tried every option out there and nothing has worked. She literally cannot quit.

Are you also learning at Uni the effect smoking has on the brain and how hard it is for someone to actually llive and deal with addiction? Addiction is rawly as simply as just giving up because you are pregnant and judgements don't help anyone they simply make the person suffering feel bad about themselves and maybe less willing to seek help for their problem because of fear of judgement.

Yes we are learning both sides, of course. Judgements may not help some but that won't stop me from judging. There are laws against smoking around children (eg. In the car) so how is it okay to have that smoke come in contact with an unborn baby? I get the whole body autonomy thing for the mother but shouldn't we be keeping the baby as safe as possible?

'see what had happened was..there were these three ninjas and a blue monkey and well it really wasn't my fault..'

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Originally Posted by mummybynature

Yes we are learning both sides, of course. Judgements may not help some but that won't stop me from judging. There are laws against smoking around children (eg. In the car) so how is it okay to have that smoke come in contact with an unborn baby? I get the whole body autonomy thing for the mother but shouldn't we be keeping the baby as safe as possible?

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I agree the main aim should be keeping both mother and baby safe. I just don't think judging a mother who is struggling with smoking helps either of them. I don't know what avenues of help are out there to help pregnant mums quit smoking but fear of judgement would probably stop some from seeking out that help. I think empathy for a mother battling an addiction is far more useful in ultimately helping them and their unborn baby.

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I agree the main aim should be keeping both mother and baby safe. I just don't think judging a mother who is struggling with smoking helps either of them. I don't know what avenues of help are out there to help pregnant mums quit smoking but fear of judgement would probably stop some from seeking out that help. I think empathy for a mother battling an addiction is far more useful in ultimately helping them and their unborn baby.

Yer I get that. That's why I wouldn't say anything. I can't help how I feel and can't stop myself judging... it is my opinion and that can't be changed. I would be more than willing to help a woman seeking support.

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mumma and her little bear, your post is very powerful. Thanks for writing it, I know it must be hard.

Try not to get upset, people will always judge for everything. What I find amusing is said judgemental mothers probably do tonnes of stuff that is judge worthy, and would probably jump up and down and freak out if they were judged for it. I know I get very upset when I am judged for things, and I am pretty tame re judgement compared with lots of people on bubhub.

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