Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Open Letter to the Febreze People

Dear Scenty Febreze People,

I am writing to ask you to design a new product. But first some background...

I am not a scent person. Candles, plug-ins, sprays - ick. They either make me nauseous or give me a headache. So imagine my delight when you introduced your original Febreze spray for fabrics. It takes away bad scents. Leaves no perfumey smells. Yay! Febreze.

My conundrum is my boys. The oldest has just dipped his toe into the aromas of adolescence. The second is not far behind and after that it is just one after another that shall stink up my home. I'm not sure when the smell fest ends but I seem to recall some of the boys' dorm rooms freshman year of college as not being so aromatic. That gives me a minimum of 13 years to deal with this ever growing problem. THIRTEEN. YEARS.

What I need you to do is invent a spray that attaches to the ceiling and sprays your original febreze over the entire room periodically. You'd have to be able to set the times to spray as we don't want the offspring inhaling the stuff while sleeping and I'm not sure what it would do to their skin after repeated sprays. But, it will need a remote so if the offending smells start wafting from under the door into my office I could have it give a good spray. Yes, my office is outside my oldests' room. I. NEED. HELP.

The best part of the whole deal is I won't have to actually enter their rooms to deal with the smell and it would hit the sheets, clothes, offending gym/sports clothes, dirty hamper, etc. all in one shot.

PLEASE, begin work on this product immediately. I need your help. I figure you have approximately 1-2 years to get this product on the market before I am forced to leave my home. I consider this appropriate notice of my needs.

10 comments:

Anonymous
said...

"My conundrum is my boys. The oldest has just dipped his toe into the aromas of adolescence. The second is not far behind and after that it is just one after another that shall stink up my home. I'm not sure when the smell fest ends but I seem to recall some of the boys' dorm rooms freshman year of college as not being so aromatic. That gives me a minimum of 13 years to deal with this ever growing problem. THIRTEEN. YEARS."

OMG, Heidi. You are too funny. Your post had me not just spitting coffee across my keyboard, but snorting it. GROSS! Thanks for the laugh!

My house is filled with "aromas of adolescence"... The hardest is when friends are over and they are all gathering around the computer... I walk into the office and nearly pass out! It is worse after they have been outside. And the laundry... I may have to wear a closepin on my nose soon.

The only thing worse than the "aromas of adolescence" is what they use to cover the "aromas of adolescence". Whoever decided to reintroduce those damn deodarant sprayse (Axe particularly) is a marketing genious. I can't tell you how many parents have bent and bought the products only to throw them out days later because the kid feels the need to spray himself every fifteen seconds. My whole house reeked of the stuff for weeks after we threw it out. gah

Mother of three sons, here. Everyone's getting ready to have a birthday in the next three months. 17, 16, 12.The smell, it makes the eyes burn. There is no remedy. Showers, deodorant, clean sheets. Still...the funk remains. I wish I had a suggestion, but we're in the same boat.