Anecdotes of a Hotel Night Auditor

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Luna Shares Her Doughnuts

November 15, 2015
The hotel sold out last night, thanks to a kids hockey team from Canada. At 4:00 this morning, five kids walked into the lobby. One of the kids asked me if they could watch the large television that is in the dining room. I told them it was okay, and they all thanked me. I have to make coffee every morning at 4:00, so while I was working on that, I preheated the pancake maker, and mixed some batter. While the pancake machine was still heating up, I took out some bacon, and cooked up an entire large serving tray full. By the time the pancake machine was ready, so was the bacon, and I brought it all out for the kids to eat. Those kids were psyched that I was offering them hot pancakes with bacon before the official breakfast started.
Luna arrived at 5:00; she was carrying her usual box of doughnuts. I smiled at her she walked through the door. She was not going to be happy with me. I used all the bacon, and today is Sunday, and Sundays are when Luna prefers to make bacon as a treat for the hotel guests. I was ignored as she walked past me, but when she saw a bunch of kids making pancakes, and eating her bacon, she turned right around, and marched back over to my desk.
“What is going on here?” Asked Luna.
“Is this a trick question? Can you please be more specific?” I said in reply.
“Why are those children eating my bacon?” She asked, with a strong distaste in her tone.
“Because bacon goes great with pancakes, and it’s not your bacon.” I replied. One of the kids in the dining room suddenly spoke loudly to his friends: “Does bacon really give people cancer?” He asked.
“Cancer tastes great.” Said one of his friends. Luna pointed her finger at me, and made her angry face. I stood up from my chair, and walked through the office so I could make my way over to the dining room for another cup of coffee, and grab a piece of bacon. Luna stopped me in the hallway.
“Don’t walk away from me when I am talking to you.” She scolded. Luna likes to scold me. I don’t like when people talk to me like that, so I responded to her in the most appropriate way I could think of. I did my best impression of a six-year-old.
“You’re not the boss of me!” I said, as I walked past her. Luna followed me down the hall; trying to keep up with me.
“How much bacon do I have left?” She asked, as we started walking through the dining room. I stopped at the coffee station.
“Oh yeah, about that.” I turned my head to look her in the eye. “We are out of bacon.” I said with a cheerful grin. Luna had rage in her eyes.
“You gave those kids all of my bacon?” She asked; almost yelling.
“I did not give those kids all of your bacon. I did, however, give those kids the last of the hotel’s bacon.” I replied. When I had my cup of coffee made, I walked into the pantry so we could continue our conversation out of earshot of those kids; Luna followed.
“Now I have nothing special for them. I had two packages of bacon in the freezer, and you gave it all to those kids!” She said.
“Luna, you are out of your mind if you think I am going to give those kids, two huge packages of bacon.” I replied.
“Well then how are we out of bacon if you didn’t make all of it for those boys?” She asked.
“I may have also made bacon for the guests on Thursday morning when I was working the breakfast shift.” I said.
“You know I only serve bacon on Sundays.” She said.
“I know, but you should have seen all of those bright-eyed smiles that I got from people that day, and the housekeepers got all the leftovers. I was a hero on Thursday.” I said
“You gave my bacon the housekeepers?” She complained.
“Yeah, it was a slow breakfast day. I made too much food, so I gave the rest to the housekeepers. We all had a very nice brunch in the break room.” I said.
“You gave all the bacon to the staff, and then you gave the rest to those kids.” She said.
“Yuppers!” I said. Luna placed her box of doughnuts on the counter, and walked to the freezer where she pulled out the frozen sausages.
“I am the one who gets to give people treats. Not you. Now I have nothing special to offer people from me.” She complained.
“Nonsense.” I said. Luna looked at me with a confused look on her face.
“Nonsense? How is this nonsense?” She asked. I grabbed the box of doughnuts, and carried it out to the dining room. Two of the parents were wandering into the dining room in a search for coffee. I put the box on the counter next to the bagel display, and greeted the man who was pouring himself a cup of coffee; his wife was sampling the bacon while making herself some pancakes. Both of them were pleasantly surprised to find pancakes and bacon so early.
“Good morning! Today, Luna has a special treat for everyone.” I said as I opened the box; revealing an assortment of doughnuts. I took out an apple fritter for myself and took a huge bite from it. “Help yourselves!” I said. Luna looked more frustrated than I have ever seen her before, but she quickly took on her role of a fake nice lady, and pretended to play along.
“I hope you all enjoy them.” She said, just before going back into the pantry where people would not see her get angry.
As 6:00 rolled around, a few more people wandered into the dining room. Everyone was enjoying hot coffee, and a doughnut. I put a cup next to the box that read: “Tips” Several people have already put cash in the cup; I saw a couple of five dollar bills in it. Luna is getting reimbursed for her doughnuts, and I got a fresh apple fritter.