Nobody Cares About The ‘Sex and The City 3’ Movie, Okay?

In the news of movies that nobody wanted or asked for, we finally heard about some of the details of the dead Sex and the City 3 movie. Last year, Sarah Jessica Parker announced that regrettably, there would be no third movie.

“It’s over…we’re not doing it. I’m disappointed. We had this beautiful, funny, heartbreaking, joyful, very relatable script and story. It’s not just disappointing that we don’t get to tell the story and have that experience, but more so for that audience that has been so vocal in wanting another movie.”

This devastating news was received by the public with an overwhelming cry of, “Eh, whatevs.”

A post shared by SJP (@sarahjessicaparker) on Sep 26, 2018 at 7:25am PDT

People became far more intrigued when all the dirty, dirty secrets of the Sex and the City set were aired in all their naked glory. Parker managed to heavily imply that there would be no movie because somepeople (“and by people, I totally mean you, Kim Cattrall!”) didn’t want to play anymore. It did become obvious that Kim Cattrall was the primary reason there the world wasn’t going to have its third Sex and the City movie. This caused a drag-down social media fight between Cattrall and Parker.

This week, some of the details of the Sex and The City 3 script were released. So we can glimpse a hint of the masterpiece that Kim Cattrall is cruelly preventing.

It was confirmed that the premise of Sex and the City 3 is Carrie Bradshaw’s husband, Mr. Big, keels over in the shower and drops dead from a heart attack. The rest of the movie focuses on Carrie’s grieving process. So fun, right?? Break out those cosmos, everyone!

Besides the obvious, “I already fucking told you, I’m done with this shit” reaction from Kim Cattrall, Cattrall also pointed out that the plot focuses on Carrie going through the stages of grief and less about the friendship of the four women. Which was y’know, the entire foundation of the show?

The Sex and the City TV series hasn’t aged well, but it did bring women a lot of enjoyment. Mainly because of its emphasis on women’s friendships. This film plot doesn’t sound like it has much for the other three women to do; these Sex and The City movies have devolved into “The Carrie and Mr. Big Show.”

The first movie had Carrie grieving over Big ditching her at the altar on their wedding day. The second movie (which was poorly received, abysmal, and utterly distasteful; there’s no time to get into this here) was all about Carrie feeling frustrated in her marriage to Mr. Big. Now, this third movie would have been about Carrie grieving Mr. Big’s death, yet another film where the main focus is on Carrie and Big.

The script says that Big died of a heart attack. I choose to believe this was brought on by Carrie’s crippling shopping addiction ruining the two of them at last. Big has a heart attack when he realizes they are completely bankrupt, he falls over into Carrie’s closet, and is found dead with a Manolo Blahnik stiletto piercing his heart.