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We all have them. Did a dog eat your good intentions?Swallow your passion?Or are the things you say you want just bogus?

No judgement here, merely an opportunity to get real with yourself. I have fooled myself so many times, thinking I needed to be something particular, in order to contribute in life. Now I realize, much of what I set myself up for like- Chasing accolades, desperately needing to be popular – allso I would fit in – is not where my heart is.

Being encouraged to harbor high ideals about our purpose and what it is ‘supposed’ to look like, so we can ‘win’ is a losing game. That rigid framework of labels and guidelines conditions us to focus on what is wrong with us. Setting up an unbalanced equation of belief and counter action which has us swinging between wanting to please and needing to impress, to prove our value and meet our assumed requirements.

We look for a sign that we are doing it right, something that will tell us which way next.

I meet people in the metaphysical, spiritual woo woo world all the time, who are waiting for a big billboard from God. ‘Tell me what to do Divine, lead the way. I am yours to command’

In my stubborn painful journey of ‘dying to please’, literally turning to dust with my attempts to do things the ‘way they were supposed to be done’ I have discovered the Divine doesn’t require that kind of self effacing sacrifice, spending hours in a fog, with no clue of what I wanted.

Just waiting for Source to set my compass.

While Source stilled till I got the message. ‘Choose. Discover your desire within. No need for excuses or a cover up. BE YOU.’

You are in charge. The Divine will give you guidance when you ask but first decide.

We have free will. The Divine wants our joyful cooperation, our participation and our passion. Do what feeds your soul, not gains approval. I kept ignoring the request because that meant I would have to take responsibility and accept the challenge of making my way. A scary idea.

Which begat the age old question – what if I made the wrong choice? To which the Divine informed me that there is no wrong choices only choices. Well ok then. I can do this if you hold my hand. (lots of loving hand holding has happened on this journey)

We set up impossible deadlines or rush ahead before we are ready, and give up because it is too hard to pause, take slow measured steps or ask for help from others.

We hesitate because we are not doing what we desire, we are following orders. After all It is far far better and more enlightning to stay at home and etch joyful pictures in the sand (or fill in the blank with what lights you up), than to do something we think we are supposed to.

So I ask you again – what is your excuse for not doing what you think you are supposed to? Is it a valid barrier that must be dissolved? Or is it really a sign saying don’t go here?

2018 emboldens and brightens, giving us leave to let go of old antagonism, anguish and wounds. When the clock strikes midnight on December 31 of any year, we are moved by the universal energies into a new experience.

The particular numbers of each year, are full of Wisdom, guiding us through the fog. Helping us understand how to make the most of the opportunity, to become more aligned to our destiny. Not to push ourselves to become more of what someone else says we “should” be. Instead, release old contracts, agreements and behaviours that stifle our potential.

2017 (2+0+1+7) was a 1+0 universal year, moving us beyond the single digits into creating richer relationships with our world.

Charting a brand new 9 year course for all of us, and beginning the activation of the Aquarian age. (begun 11/11/2011) (each constellation lasts about 2160 years) 2017 definitely challenged us to narrow our focus, examining things we had long ignored. Bringing all kinds of ideas and ideology to the surface.

Awakening immortal energies within us while questioning the projectile of our current legacies.

What world are we populating and carrying forward?

The Aquarian age promises expansion and connection. Tribal experiences or Dictatorship. Polar opposites of the same idea, either one is possible.

Which one will we feed? Either we take a stand for who we are and how we want to live, accepting our divine power, and choosing freedom or we take orders from the ones who take the reigns of power. Active or passive,we must take responsibility for how our lives unfold.

2018 begins with much stirring of the light. We see things we have hidden. We feel hopeful and aware our choices lead us. We move from a 1 to a 2 in the cycle.

As always the numbers guide us. 2+0+1+8 adds up to an 11.

A master number. Gateway to Glory.

11 demands that we take responsibility for our own actions. Master our fears and illusions. Deal with what we blame and name as limitations. RISK standing on our own two feet connected to Source and Ground.n 11 opens space for us to see more clearly. Bringing the light into the places we dwell in.

We can fool ourselves but it wont make the world a better place. Right now, we need to clearly see who we are, with compassion and acceptance.

Fear is an illusion and a prison that silences and shames us. We can no longer huddle in the dark, refusing to act on our truth because we are scared. Closing our eyes to what is right in front of us. We must see what lurks, trying to keep us scared and small. We have to move into the light, let go of fright. Walk through the doorway that lies beyond staying safe on someone else’s terms.

Possibility and growth awaits to escort us.

Yes. Fear traps us and limits us. We don’t need to invest in that kind of limitation.

Instead we must find the connections between our spiritual selves and our human bodies. Open our hearts. Stop judging ourselves, or others. Everyone is Divine.

Get over any sense of not being enough or that someone else is better. We are all worthy, and doing what we believe is sacred.

Many days I have to remind myself that even though my personality has quirks that are not very spiritual, that’s ok. Normal. I am not meant to be enlightened every moment. However if I can learn to accept my quirks and love them then I can see the light in others, and feel love for them too.

11 adds up to 2(1+1) choices, decisions, boundaries. Everything is as good as the choice you make around it. You can beat yourself up. Or you can give yourself love. Its ok to do things badly. Awareness and compassion will help you do better next time. Decide and act. Accept and allow.

Only you have the power to change what you think you are experiencing by naming and claiming your experiences differently.

Choose that. Choose to know that if you want time to spend on your own activities ,(for example) set a boundary. Tell people out loud. This is my boundary. At 3 -5 on Wednesday I will be working on my own stuff. Daydreaming. Whatever. State it, and activate it

Go do it. Stick to being disciplined about what you are bringing into form. Everything takes practice. We don’t know how to be who we are, we have to learn. We can’t know how to make art until we paint or draw. We won’t improve anything without consistent application. Even love and relationships take effort. The planet Saturn(taskmaster) is in Capricorn (our standing in the world/ careers) for the next couple years assisting us to bring our ideas into form. Making it real.. Who will you be? Here is your opportunity to stretch yourself and find out.Willingly or unwillingly you will have to make choices and act them out.

2 encourages diplomacy. Be kind while you pay attentions to the details of your dreams. Bring your focus and intention from last year into reality by choosing to practice, deciding to speak out, join, attend to details, connecting to people and potential.

Allowing what has been polarized to move closer to harmony, bridging gaps.

Focus on getting clear on what your really want. What is your desire beyond the item in the window?What will it give you and why?

Ways to help yourself move through the year

KINDNESS – Treat yourself as you would like others to treat you. And then extend that out into the world. You don’t need to agree with others to be kind.

BOLD – we have passed the point of doing things because the world tells us we are supposed to. If you are going to stand on your own two feet, you must give credence to your own intuition and desires.

BOUNDARIES – mark the place that demarcate your needs. That keep you safe. Own those lines in the sand, give yourself space to live from fullness.

BALANCE everything. The things you hear, what you see against the bigger picture. Get out of the habit of dragging everything into opposition. Leave behind what you don’t need without shaming or blaming it.

There are two other numbers impacting 2018 that I will address in the next post.

Right now, consider what would make you feel capable and strong in life that you want more of.

What does it mean to take an illuminating Journey? I have birthed these @Illuminating Journey Cards filled with alchemy and they want and need to be out in the world to spread their magic.

Asking me to beat the drum, open the door so they can be more visible and viable.

I have spent most of my life trying to be independent, doing it all alone. Never wanting to look like I needed help. Hardly ever asking or taking help from because it was embarrassing, shameful, uncomfortable. Just not done.

Now I HAVE to do this. Open my heart to receive help. Ask people to help me and let the help come in.

Yes, I am uncomfortable to admit that I can’t do this alone. I don’t have to do it alone. I don’t have the reach, the funds or flair to do this alone. What is even more astonishing is that I don’t want to do this alone.

These cards are part of the community and are helping me to connect to people in a delightful right way. Creating a new language that must be created in community. I am excited, scared and feeling awkward all at once.

4 years ago, an adventure began. When my Akashic Masters first told me I had to bring forgotten wisdom back into the world, I had no idea what that would look like, or how I was going to bring ‘wisdom’ that I didn’t know about into the hands, hearts and minds of waiting beings.

A great mystery yawned wide. I was very earnest, trying to imagine what my great ‘work’ would look like. Attempting to study up like a good student. Finally I gave up trying to think my way into bringing these cards to life, and in 2016 I knew that there was a window of time, for me to get busy, conceive, gestate and birth.

Innocence. Curiosity. Exploration. A desire of discovery. Self Expression. It is the digit of seeking and speaking your message. In all ways. Being human means you have a voice.

You have an experience. You uncover something new. Then you label it. You stick a pin in it. Mark it specimen A. How you bring that discovery into a form that changes you, that is where the 3 meets the 12.

1 is about focus. Action. A masculine energy of needing to accomplish.

2 is about surrender (or that is what I call it) a need to redress balance, create boundaries, connect the dots. Make community. Intuitive and feminine.

1 is the individual.

2 is the collective.

3 is the opportunity.

12 combines the 1,2,3 that creates a step by step focus and result. Not the end result. The beginning. We have 3 cycles of 3 that make up all 9 root numbers. 1,2,3 are the first 2 prime numbers. Father, Mother, Child. Maiden, Mother, Crone. Triangle of Potential.

12 is significant, since it represents 3+9 two key numbers that awaken within you your Emotional Response. 3 is JOY. pure unadulterated bliss of the individual. You laugh, cry, sigh, emerge. 9 is the connection of the collective. Humanity as one. Compassion. Universal Love. Passion. That drive to communicate the fullness of your cells within the larger body of the world.

12 is also a time keeper. 12 months of a year. 12 hours in a day. Day and Night equals 24. 2+4=6 2×3 and the third emotional number of Love. Family love, romantic love.

12 is our teacher. Guiding us to use what we have learned, that intuitive awareness of 2 with the focus directive of 1.

You get to choose. If you will take what you have learned in this 9 year of letting go & endings, to change your mind about what is really going on. To take back your curiosity and willingness to evolve. Ultimately 3 is about birthing new thought, new ideas, finding love of self. 9 is about spreading LOVE, living love. Being in certainty of love.

Enough to DARE.

December is preparing you to go forward. As a victim or a leader. With path will you choose?

To focus on your goals, enough to surrender the need to control the outcome and the players, in Joy with the unfolding?

Or hanging on, determined to suffer, find fault and blame the world and others for the pickle you are in?

December is an opportunity to Create, Connect and Collaborate on what you want more of going forward. Spend time visualizing and declaring what you will focus on going forward. Find forgiveness, compassion and clarity about what you missed doing or being leading up to now.

We have many influences this month, including big breakthroughs, healing, the need to balance and go it alone. That 12 influence again.

Mercury goes retrograde in Capricorn (standing in the world) stationing on the 19th at 15 degrees. 1+5= 6. Magical energy stirs within you. Choose to be OF SERVICE not in service.

This Solstice/ holiday season, 21 (number of truth, mirroring that 12) your very being is being harmonized, as you cross the shortest day/longest night or vice versa. Is a time to go deep. Mars (drive) enters Pisces on the 19th (new beginnings) too. Spiritualizing your Warrior. Preparing you, and centering you in your truth. Uranus (breakthroughs) Jupiter (expansion) Saturn (task master) all swirl in a dance to guide you to your purpose. To bring out your certainty. In the depth of traveling towards your soul, you find your roots and truth, or you keep hanging on to needing someone else to follow.

Inside of this month comes the opportunity to know your independence and become a willing collaborator in truth or in keeping the lies you have lived by alive.

What will you stand for? How will you communicate your truth going into 2017?

We are still in a 9 year (2+0+1+6) which is all about stripping bare of the surplus.

Many of us, myself included find it easier to hide behind the shoulds. Shields of Honor that have littered the battlefields forever.

This 9 year is breaking up the old guard, the honor system of yore.

We don’t have time to waffle in what might have been. We need to get into the meat of what is, to activate what we want to birth. A new way of being and seeing.

That is where the true power lies. Not in the idea that someone is either robbing us of what is ours, or gifting us with their largesse.

It all begins within. The flame, or candle of the Soul. Each flame rests with its owner. You.

You have your own light and reason why.

With this powerful symbolic 11 bringing us into November we are being invited to see the strength in what we are standing for.

What lights us up.

How to begin the journey to soul fullness. Letting go of how it is ‘supposed’ to be and who is in charge.

Conditioning. That is a fact of cellular life. Nature imposes and humans supposes….

We think we know what it all means. Without lighting the flame. Or listening to the rain.

The veils are thinner than they have been for a long time. We have the option to leap through the veils.

Yes its bloody hard. It hurts like hell. Uncomfortable. Daunting and yet.

Will that stop your fierceness to be free?

the 11 is doubled this month because the universe has its own calendar. When you add 1+1 + 9 you get 11.

11 is the visual of standing on your own feet. Receiving in the space you are standing in,

It is electric and wild. It can drench your being with the electric light you carry in your genes. In your vessel of this earth.

Think about the energy you are imbued with, open up to receiving the signals and lightning rods to awake up those signals, you are on fire. with purpose and truth.

Ready to bring to differences together. Willing to take action on what grounds you and connects you to all that is available.

When you do things because you are compelled beyond what is in this for me, you project yourself through the portal of change.

Shifting into your truth that lies beyond the veils. 1+1 =2. Number of opposites – the great divide or a bridge to walk on. Connection happens when you want what your opponent wants. A shared outcome. You each dont have exactly the same picture nor do you need to, to agree on diplomacy and cooperation. Without being a doormat or a bully.

You can pretend you can’t see beyond the veil. Or that the world owes you something because of what you have experienced. Or that you have no value so that the world cant count on you.

We are in this together. You and me. All of us. Our ancestors and our children’s children are counting on us to make that leap, through the dark into the light.

Even when we cant see beyond the mud. When we can barely get the flame lit, when we are drenched in rain up to our eyeballs. When the people we are facing won’t see reason or another way.

Even then. We must stand up for love. We must be shields of love and project love.

We are here to learn how to beam love even in the darkest corners. without expectation. without ego.

Just because you and me, we are the candles who illuminate the possibility. When you are a candle you must light up the space you are in.

It is your light that will lead the way, for the one behind you. It is your trust that will allow you to create more light. It is your soul that will guide you, even in the dark.

“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men (& women) are afraid of the light.”— Plato

Today is a triple 10 day. We have a black new moon on its way, right on the cusp of Samhain or all Hallows eve. Festival of the Dead.
Scorpio is in the house. Deep waters of Transformation as we prepare to enter a double 11 month.

We begin a potent new spiritual cycle.

So what cobwebs are in your wheel house? 10 is the number of new beginnings. It is the number of Leadership and Initiation.

What do you want to initiate? What will you give to how you want to live?

Idolatory – the practice of looking to the other – the big daddy to save us. IS OVER. Idols cannot understand our needs. They are made of clay and stone. They don’t have hearts.

They are meant to bring us to the Source. They cannot be the source.

I beg you to look within and truly know- What you are ready to LEAD and what you are ready to LEAVE

Reckoning always comes bearing gifts we almost cannot see beyond. They are so shiny, they blind us to the truth. There is no easy through transformation.

No one waves a magic wand and says your troubles are over. If they do – they are lying. You. You will need to take your own journey. you will be required to make choices that will strip you bare.

Just when you think you have stripped everything, you will be asked to discard another layer. I know. This is the path I have been walking on. It hurts like hell and it is glorious. When you heart touches God that is one of those HALLELUJAH moments.

Being connected to your human self and your spiritual self with a mind and baggage, is not for the faint of heart. It scrapes the bottom of the the barrel of everything you have touched. Everything you are determined to believe in.

Everything you are looking to save you. Only you and your relationship to Source/ Divine/ God will ignite the sacred waters within you.

This is a time to hold your spear of light, surely. Keep your Circle of Protection firmly over your heart. The 10 walks with you. Into your truth.

Another week of adventure, that brings us closer to exploring our truth, Getting more comfortable with being uncomfortable.

May is a month of change and this week we are releasing what stops us from welcoming the path we must walk to go where we have yet to go.

We must begin to take fresh action. To go beyond keeping quiet about how we feel, burying our truth will not create freedom. Freedom requires learning new things, facing and speaking about situations that scare us.The most sacred of intentions of the 5 is to be present with the present- your presence is requested and required.

Fully alive and attuned to what is going on, taking advantage of what opportunities are in front of us. We cannot have a different experience if we refuse to act differently. If what you are doing will no longer serve you, know you have the courage and support to respond in a new way.

Full moon happens on Saturday, inspiring us to let go of the old, to make room for the new.

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I received helpful self-awareness, an almost immediate release during the session, and a lasting shift afterwards. Jen released me from years of emotional baggage leaving me feeling free and empowered."