The Dungeon Bastard’s Credo

1) EXCELLENT GAMING IS EXCELLENT LIVING.

The creativity and problem-solving skills you develop in an imaginary world transfer directly to the real one. You already own the best magic item you’ll ever find: it’s more powerful than the Wand of Orcus and takes up less space than Heward’s Mystical Organ. It’s called your brain.

2) RPGs *DO* HAVE WINNERS AND LOSERS.

The stakes are not life or death. Death is only as temporary as the nearest 9th-level cleric. The stakes are life or lameness. Dead characters are heroes, waiting for a resurrection spell. Lame characters are just getting in the way, waiting to get fireballed.

3) WINNERS NEVER QUIT AND QUITTERS NEVER REACH 10TH LEVEL.

Role-playing games are inherently complex, obtuse systems that take hours to play and years to master. If you’re not willing to make that investment, you’re giving up just when things start getting cool. Seriously, we’re talking about haste and stoneskin here.

4) THE DM IS NOT AN ALL-SEEING, ALL-KNOWING, ALL-POWERFUL GOD OF THE GAME.

He is mortal. He can be defeated. His job is to make our characters’ lives difficult. Our job is to meet that challenge head-on and solve it in the the most epic, interesting way possible. The best players strive to surprise and entertain the DM. In doing so, they will surprise and entertain everyone — themselves included.

5) THE WORLD NEEDS A BETTER CLASS OF NERD.

A rising tide lifts all boats. It also drowns anything with less than 6 hit dice. An excellent player encourages excellent play. Excellent play encourages an excellent game. An excellent game is an excellent life.