Why Straight Women Are Attracted to Gay Men

In many ways, gay men and straight women are a perfect pairing. For the most part, relationships between gay men and straight women are healthy and positive, with one exception I'll get to later. In the vast majority of cases, relationships between gay men and straight women are platonic. Sure, an occasional teenage girl falls for a boy who's gay, but it doesn't take most girls very long to figure out that, in this case, where there's smoke, there's most definitely not fire. In general, the attraction women feel for gay men tends to be emotional in nature, clearing the way for a highly satisfying relationship that outlasts most other relationships gay men and straight women have. To begin, I'll address how and why straight women are emotionally attracted to gay men - an attraction, by the way, that is returned by gay men in spades.

First, because most straight women don’t feel sexual toward gay men, the relationship doesn’t carry the threat of sexual tension. The relationship allows for a safe space in which both parties can let their guards down, be themselves, and share their feelings openly.

Second, straight women love gay men because closeness with gay men provides a window into how the minds of men work, something that women want to know as they navigate dating waters with their straight male peers. Though there are, of course, differences between straight and gay men, gay men are nevertheless men who share many of the same characteristics and motivations with straight men. When it comes to the sexuality of young straight and gay men - meaning, how frequently they think about sex, want it, or feel impatient to get to the actual sex part - there are undoubtedly similarities. When a straight woman hangs out with a gay man, she begins to put the puzzle together that men, in general, treat sex differently than women do.

Finally, straight women love gay men because they are emotionally attracted to the fearlessness and lack of self-consciousness in gay men. In general, gay men – and gay women, too – tend to be more fearless than their straight counterparts – particularly straight men – because they’ve usually experienced bullying and prejudice because of their sexual orientation, and these experiences fortify gay men with thicker skin. As out adults, gay men usually learn to accept themselves and stop trying so hard to win the approval and acceptance of others.

Similarly, the friendship of gay men offers something different than the companionship of straight men. Even when you remove the sexual element between a straight woman and straight man, the straight man is far more confined to embody a role as the strong, not overly emotional man. Meanwhile, gay men have the social license to be as outrageous or emotional as they want to be because gay men don't have to fit into such a tightly prescribed role.

As I mentioned at the beginning, not all relationships between straight women and gay men are healthy. While not the majority, some straight women love gay men for different reasons. The group of women I’m referring to are often called ‘fag hags,’ a term that manages to be derogatory toward two groups: women and gay men.

The term 'fag hag' refers to a woman, usually in her 20s or 30s, who loves hitting the gay bars with her gay male friends on a Saturday night on the town. Often, the women who get labeled as ‘fag hags’ are overweight, insecure, or uncomfortable with the idea of frequenting straight bars where they could potentially meet men who are interested in them. Instead, they feel more comfortable removing the sexual factor that exists at straight bars and prefer the harmlessness that comes with socializing with gay men in gay surroundings.

This type of relationship is often unhealthy, with women choosing gay men as friends for superficial reasons: because they're more fun and love to shop. Similarly, their gay male friends often treat their female friends as social accessories until the men find a guy to hook up with up later in the night. In such contrived and caricature-based relationships, the relationships often have a surface quality where real emotional sharing and trust don’t take place.

Overall, the relationships between straight women and gay men are special, with the occasional negative exceptions. If straight women and gay men focus on finding friendships where there's true emotional compatibility and respect, they can develop one of the most rewarding relationships a person could have.

This is a line that I have tried to walk for a long time as a straight male. I had a father who was very emotionally open and very loving. I have a gay brother who was just coming out when I was impressionable (5-10 years old.) So I grew up viewing women differently and as a teen and early 20-something I had a lot of female friends. I was the tall, dorky, uncoordinated guy who no one seemed interested in so it was easy for me to "infiltrate" the world of women without the sexual overtones. So I got to know women on a completely different level, I got to know their needs emotionally and what not. As I got to about 25-30 I changed physically. I sort of grew into my body and became more "masculine" I guess is the term I'll use. Suddenly it all changed for me and the sexual tension was there. But I had learned this emotional support I knew women needed and tried to work both sides. I tried to be both emotionally supportive and masculine, sexy, sexual. Long story short, it blew up in my face. In fact I'm 34 now and am dating again and nothing has changed. I bring the emotional side to the dating scene and the women seem to get very connected. But then the physical side starts, the side I try very hard to bury at first and it all just blows up in my face time after time after time. I found that you can't be both as a straight male. Of course you should be emotionally supportive of your wife/gf/fiancee but at the end of the day it still comes down to women want the masculinity. So you can try and switch gears but then they say "this is too sexual, this is a physical relationship too focused on sex." Its such a weird line to walk as a straight male with a decent emotional IQ. God bless gay men and their relationships with straight women, I certainly wish I could walk in their world with a gf and still be able to have a decent relationship.

So, you start by befriending women, you gain their trust, they open up to you and "get very connected", and then, when you feel the trust is sufficient, you try to manually "switch gears" and steer the friendship towards sexual interaction. Yet you wonder why this approach isn't working. You say that "the sexual tension" is there, but it sounds like it's only there for you. And yet you still blame the women around you.

Here's an idea: how about you stop trying to pull a bait-and-switch on the women in your life. Don't pretend to be "just a friend" for a while, deliberately gaining women's trust while harboring an ulterior sexual motive. I would be really offended if one of my male friends suddenly made a move. The problem is you and your approach. You're afraid to date, so you prey on your female friends. This is compounded because a friend is going to have a harder time turning you down, because she cares about you and is afraid to hurt your feelings. Is it fair to put a friend in that position? There's nothing wrong with love growing naturally between friends, but that isn't what's happening here. You're trying to force things. Sounds like your approach is to "put in your time" as a friend to a woman, thinking you can then cash in your "friend points" with her, in exchange for sex. This is disrespectful and unrealistic. You wouldn't be posting here if your approach was working for you.

What you said was very telling: you say that your sex partners ultimately say "this is too sexual, this is a physical relationship too focused on sex". Sounds to me like you still resent women for the years during which you felt too awkward to interact sexually. Once a woman engages in sex with you, you probably act like you have "conquered" her, and then you compulsively seek out sex with her, to the exclusion of other activities. You're probably primarily looking to your sexual partner to prop up your ego and stave off those feelings of fear and rejection. You're not over your issues, so you need her to prove it to you again and again and again. She gets sick of being used as a prop, and leaves.

Your problem is your fear of women's sexual rejection, and your resentment towards women for having the power to make you feel bad. Everything you're doing has to do with dealing with those two feelings. You're not seeing women as people, you're seeing women as one-dimensional sexual beings. Time to get real.

Stop trying to date in a "safe" way, by attempting to manually reshape existing friendships into sexual relationships. You need to be willing to face rejection and deal with it like we all have to. Women are not ogres, resentful gatekeepers. If you had actual respect for women as equals you would already know that. You may think you understand women, but if you don't respect women as EQUAL TO YOU, it's worthless.

My advice is to get some therapy with a feminist/progressive therapist who can help you deal with your resentment against women and your fear of rejection. When you're over that, try actually dating: going out dancing, going to cocktail mixers or parties, going to speed-dating events, or online dating. Go to venues where you can be honest with your intentions from the beginning. Confidence is sexy. And so is respect.

You're saying that women are the equals to men in relationships, but you're not considering the fact that in the big majority of cases, women decide if a relationship starts and also when it ends. We are equal professionally, sure, but when it comes to relationships its another story. The man must make the first move, must "seduce" the woman and the woman only has to go along and decide whether or not she wants to be with him.

Also you're implying that this man doesn't respect women. But he's definitely a kind of men that respects women, how many times do you hear women complaining that men don't open up enough to them, well this guy is one of those who do. If there's a relationship between getting laid and respecting women it's definitely a negative one, the less you respect them and the more you get laid, and that's abhorrent. How many assholes do you see bragging about their exploits, having women line up to them? Or how many popular men end up only using women for sex when the women are in love with them and they just don't care? This guy right here is trying to build a relationship of trust and understanding and then the woman just say: "I don't want to get sexual with you." One prime example that being what women say they want in a man makes you shoot yourself in the foot.

I saw in my inbox an email telling me, "This person has replied to you!" It seriously freaked me out at first... Turns out it was a mistake on the part of Psychology Today. I think they should fix their software, and owe those of us set to receive notifications a big apology...

I am a straight man who chose as an occupation to dance in gay bars. I have been dancing for 11 years and have profited financially from the gay bars and have also got laid with several females who go to the gay bars.

Dancing in gay bars as a straight man has been financially rewarding and is a great place to get laid with women.

I wanted to say that I agree 100 percent with what has been written in the Article.

Out of a hundred people, about fifty are women, but only one or two are gay men. Now that men in general are the ultimate accessory for women, a gay bf is a trendy trophy status possession that not every girl can brag about having.

It's kinda like in days of yore when empresses and princesses had eunuch slaves... The modern castrati is omnipresent: according to reports, the no-sex-until-marriage women at church show off their celibate boyfriends. Same phenomenon. A woman thinks her value increases in direct proportion to how useless she is to men.

Let me first say that I have both a gay friend and a husband, I love them both but the relation is different, each of them gives me something special. Now, coming to your statement that a woman thinks her value increases in direct proportion to how useless she is to men, I suspect the unsaid is "useful to my sexual needs"! Than, my dear, sure we are proud to be useless!! are we joking? a woman is not a sexual tool, she is a person, who demands to be considered for everything she is, a companion, a friend, a supporter, a sister sometimes and also a sexual partner, mind you: parnet not tool!!
So much better a gay friend, who you will be sure will never consider you simply an useful sex tool than a straight brainless man!

Typical feminist nonsense. A woman can think about a man sexually, and she is just empowered and owning her sexuality. A man who thinks about a woman sexually must be only viewing her as a "tool."

No, most straight men would actually say they enjoy smart, funny women who share the same interests. Men just also fully acknowledge that a smart, funny woman who shares the same interests would likely be a good mate. It is feminist-trained women who try to put men into limited boxes where they can dictate things based on their own whims with no regards for the men. A man who is not interested will be clear on that point. A feminist-trained woman will use men for emotional gratification (friendzoned) while often going for very shallow sexual relationships.

Case in point, straight women use gay men for their own purposes, and they claim it is they who are the victims fleeing from straight men. In truth, the women want to use one group of men for sex and another group of men for emotional fulfillment. It does not matter whether or not the friendzoned men are straight or gay as both are being used by self-centered women, who will whine about how using men somehow makes them the victims.

The only thing I see is that YOUR comment is typical macho hysteria. And ignorance.

Read it up again. Her reply was for the "uselessness" of women. As if a woman becomes useless for men only because she won't have sex with them. And that, well, of course is true for many men, and is also sexist. These men, see women as tools. Just like any woman who would see a man as useless for not being sexual with her, same thing. Now calm your sensitive balls.
And yes, bringing and blaming everything on the ~FEMINISM~ makes you seem like a smart and very intellectual dude. For real. And "friendzone" man, seriously? Ok, not even a man, but a boy.

Straight women don't "use" gay men when they want their friendship because they think a relationship like that with a straight male can be more problematic. Gay men don't "use" straight women when they want their friendship because they know they are more likely to accept them out of their gay circle. All relationships are about give and take, and they give each other a lot of good times. Sure, abusers exist, but they are fortunately the minority.
All that talk about "using" is pretty much your own projection. And I'm sorry for that.

I have a gay man friend, we get along so well, he is not emotionally absent as most of the guys i dated. We dont have sexual tension between us, he tells me if i have a wrong outfit for the occassion, we enjoy shopping together. He does not judge me or look at me strange if i eat everything on my plate...i think what women get from friendship with gay men are non judgemental and complete acceptance of the woman friend and vise versa.

My gay boyfriend and I refer to me as his "hag". "Fag Hag" is NOT a negative term among those of us with gay male friends or gay men. "Gay boyfriend" is a term my husband came up with and my gay BF loves it. He and I are more like best friends. I'm already married so I'm not avoiding anything by being close friends with a gay man. I'm also not overweight or insecure. The only gay bars I've gone to have been with my girlfriends and we go to avoid getting hit on constantly by horny kids who think we're cougars for the taking. He and I have the same college degree and interests. He does NOT shop with me. Not all gay men are femme. My gay boyfriend is quite "butch" and people assume he is straight. When he shops he prefers electronics to clothes so I might as well go shopping with my husband. No thanks! I'll stick with other women for shopping. I think of my gay boyfriend as a "chick with a dick"....like an honorary girlfriend. Being what most men would consider very attractive, I find it very refreshing to be friends with a man who I don't have to worry about him falling for me or having any other agenda other than just friendship.

Why is it that no gay men posted on this article at all? I am a lesbian, and I find the views expressed above aggravating, to say the least. Does an interest in Psychology give one a free pass to voice gender stereotypes, overanalyze, and act like a huge jerk in general? That goes for the women as well as the men. I have faced discrimination from both men and women. Please, get over your petty little problems. As far as "fag hag" not being a pejorative term, I'd say that depends very much on who you are using it with, so don't be so certain of yourself. I agree with the poster above that mentioned "negating bisexuals", bis outnumber gay men 2-to-1, so you women who think your gay bfs are "safe" might want to be a little more careful. We are all sexual beings, Ellen included. ;-)

We actually use just the word, "hag" but being straight and having several friends who are gay, lesbian, bisexual and a handful of transgendered friends, I've found that everyone is different and what is not offensive to one person can be to another. The most eye-opening was a pansexual transgender friend who called me a bigot for being straight because I was "choosing" only to fall in love with genitals and not human beings. I disagree with that assessment but it is her opinion and I welcome my friends expressing their opinions. I didn't choose to be hetero nor do I choose what men I find attractive. Attraction, in my opinion, is either there or it is not. On your comment about gay men not being "safe", of course gay men can and do have sex with females or we'd have no closeted people whatsoever. I have met people who identified as straight or bi who later came out as gay but have yet to meet an out and proud gay person suddenly announce they are bi. There is another factor you're forgetting about our gay bf being "safe" and that is if my gay bf suddenly expressed a sexual interest in me, that does not mean anything is happening. More than likely that would cause me to give the relationship a little more distance to avoid hurting him. I have straight friends who I know have a crush on me and with the acknowledgement that we are all sexual beings, I don't have to act on that. I'm safe whomever I'm hanging with because of my own behavioral guidelines. Perhaps a better word might be to say that a gay male friend is "safer" for a straight or bi woman who is already in a romantic relationship with someone else.

My gay boyfriends call me their fag hag. At first I was offended, but was told it was a term of endearment. I don't mind being called fag hag. It rhymes and just sounds so funny that my gay boyfriends will always use the term with respect. As for the one poster above who discussed the Queen or Princess having a court of eunochs to show off, I have to admit that it boosts my fragile ego to have several gay men hanging to my every word. It is not something women are accustomed to. There is a sense of control and respect for one another, and I seem to get more attention from my gay boyfriends than straight men. I can show my gay boyfriends my new earrings or clothes, and they will give me their undivided attention for hours. I can ask them to do favors for me and they will do it without complaint. They also don't get jealous when I talk to them about men I desire. One of my closest gay boyfriends even cleans my home on a weekly basis for free, and being a professional woman it is greatly appreciated. Another mows my lawn, and another cleans my pool. It is as if I have a group of men whom I can rely on to do favors for me, all for free and without complaint. And yes, i reciprocate the favors they do for me by having barbeques, pool parties, taking them out to lunch, taking them shopping, etc.

I have this gay man in my life(not sure if I can call him a friend). Initially I liked him, there were reasons why I turned a blind eye to his girliness and femininity (at times) around guys. But he gave me attention as well, attention of a different sort, one full with tension, perhaps sexual, perhaps not. I don't know! Once he asked me to open the door while he knocked (no need for my help), he looked totally interested in me, yet very very shy. Sometimes, he would just be too shy, get red and blush like a person really fascinated by a woman. He even looked at me in a way very different than gay guys usually look at girls. He felt an attraction towards women, I could sense it very well. The problem is: he doesn't even get friendly with girls the way gays do. I know gay guys, they are fun and interesting. But this one's a loner. He perhaps would have been a loner as a straight man as well, but something in him is not right. He is either a bi-sex or just messed up. I mean even though he's got a man, sleeps around with men, there's a sense of disconnect in him. He is not like the other gays!
And he totally avoids me, is it because he feels an attraction? or is he just an unusual case with an ability to connect emotionally? He likes to give the impression that he is happy in isolation but he's not. I let him know about his pretensions, but he seems uncomfortable with facing himself.
I feel love for him in a more compassionate way than I am capable of, its not sexual, but it stresses me out.
Is he one of those who don't deserve compassion? or just those who need to be left alone? The latter I think is unlikely as I know his solitude is only a punishment, a love-hate relationship.

Hi! A few of my gays are shy, effeminate and sometimes seem like they are sexually interested in me, but I think it is something else. I believe this type of gay male is still ashamed of his homosexuality and is looking to you for help in coming out. That seems to be a big part of why our gays are attracted to us. Most of them want affirmation from a heterosexual female that it is acceptable for men to have sex with each other, and are looking for affirmation that it is ok to express their feminine side whether it be in mannerisms or crossdressing/transgender issues. Most effeminate males find it difficult to find a long-term partner, and they really want a bff. I think if I were you, I would tell your gay that it is acceptable to have sex with men, and he should be encouraged to have sex with men, but it is our job as fag hags to encourage our gay to find a regular sex partner and limit the "play" to as little as possible. Encourage your gay to explore his homosexuality in a safe way, and as a fag hag you should take an interest in his sex life, and encourage your gay to just be himself. Accept his girliness and femininity because it is likely that is his real persona. I would suspect your gay wants a bff for girltalk, shopping, etc., and don't be surprised if your shy gay friend is a crossdresser. At the very least you will have a permanent shopping partner!

Ultimately, if I were to have this gay friend, I would have to take a step back, take a breath, & re-evaluate my thinking. I.e. too much psychoanalyzing of the guy. It really isn't a healthy way to deal with the friendship. Sometimes, you just have to quit assuming things that may or may not be true. If you know this person long enough, are patient enough, you WILL find out the truth. Just try to be a good friend. Let the friendship play out until something changes to let you know if are in a good friendship for both of you. If not, be gentle about saying goodbye.

I have a pantheon of gay male friends and I adore them all because (primarily) they are the only ones who have truly been interested in me.
As an athletic, fit female I often suffer the analytical eye of the hereosexual male, one who deconstructs me into body parts and uses this for his nefarious sexual imagination. In contrast, gay males inevitably look at my face, take a sweeping glance of my overall form, and declare that I am beautiful. There is no motive for this declaration other than the fact that they find me aesthetically pleasing, and in fact, only when they say it to I actually *feel* beautiful.
Only my gay guy friends will storm the dance floor with me. I'm a pretty good dancer / love to dance, and its a real killjoy having a boyfriend who is married to the bar (caucasian, straight men don't dance. Don't ask me why.)
But most importantly, gay men are some of the most loving individuals I know. They are emotionallly liberated individuals who don't need to adhere to some social construct of what it is to be "masculine". And let me tell you, to feel truly loved for who you are rather than what sexual function you serve - there is nothing greater in the universe.

I sure hope Dr. Meyers, the author of this article, doesn't see his patients in the kind of general, stereotyped categories he uses here. I've never seen such broad-brush statements about entire categories of people. If this is "psychology," it's no wonder so many question its scientific legitimacy.

Your "Theory" on this subject is is based on what? middle school kids? This is soooooooo far out of your league that it's not even funny Dr. Meyers. I know as I speak right now, 7 gay men that are "friends" with str8 women. But the fact is, they are all OVER 40 and have a child or 2. I know all 7 and they ALL tell me that they want to marry their gay "friend" because their child needs a father figure in their life, and they love them. These guys are not bi, but GAY........... the big picture is, I've been friends with them for 15+ years and they are all millionaires several times over. Now, heres the kicker! 3 of them told me personally that they want to marry these men because they have the money to support their child and send them to school and they will only have to have sex with them once a year......BUT, they cannot by any means have sex with any man...ever again and the conversion to becoming str8 will be fairly simple. "yeah right, like that's gonna happen".Being a Gay man you see this all the time with older women, actually more so. but your description, or "theory" if you will, is substantiated by what? Your grade school patients who do not fully understand the laws of attraction yet or do you lean far right and feel this is a disease and can be cured because of something Jerry Falwell said????? BTW: lesbins dont put up with the crap you talk about.....Hmmmmmmm... live and learn

As a gay man, and as far as I can tell the only one to comment on this article, I can only say that everything in my experience has been the exact opposite of that which is described above.

Women, I would say, tend to treat gay male friends more like brothers than friends, even women who grew up without brothers.

Of all the odd things the article says about gay men, perhaps the oddest is 'fearless.' For a demographic with notably high rates of depression and suicidal tendencies, and which still faces discrimination, 'fearless' is about as good a descriptor as 'neptunian' or 'heterosexual.' Maybe the ones in the parades act fearless, but they aren't in those parades 24/7, and even then that's only the ones in the parades. A lot of us don't go to those. I never have.

Taking second prize for unwarranted generalizations are the remarks about sharing feelings. If there's any group that knows how to NOT share feelings, it's the ones that have had to develop terminology to denote whether or not we were keeping our sexuality a secret.

A better title for this article would be "why stereotypes of women are attracted to gay stereotypes."

That would be because all yanktard men are busted in the head for eating too many damn FEMALE ESTROGENS in your monsanto meat & dairy!!! DUH! Being gay is a choice. All men now choose to act all gay because the media made it so damn cool BRING BACK SHAME AND FUCK ALL GAY MEN TO HIGH HELL WITH A METAL SPIKED BROOM STICK IN THEIR RECTUM, THEY LOVE THAT!! ;-) All hail the great Putin! Viva la Russia!!!!

I worked for a gay man for over six years. I also knew his brother, who was not as open in revealing his preference. I must say that I had the most respect, acceptance, & compassion during the time I spent with this gentleman. He was very understanding about my feelings if I was having a bad day. He was very respected by me and all of the employees. He started a business in my community. I was willing to help him set up as I was not working at the time. He rewarded me with a job at the time the business opened. I was very fortunate to meet this gentleman. I also became friends with his partner and some of his other friends, both straight & gay. He sold the business recently, moved away, but still we remain friends. I feel very fortunate to have this friend.

I am a straight woman with several male gay friends, and the biggest difference I find between that kind of friendship and the one with straight guys is the emotional support and understanding. It's probably because straight men are taught not to show emotion, so it's hard connecting to them on a more personal level because they avoid discussing their feelings most of the time, which I've never found problematic with gay friends. Also, there's that beautiful thing of looking into each other's eyes and feeling unconditional love and seeing the real person, not a physical manifestation of one's self. I'm not saying straight men look at their female friends in a romantic way, but you can never be 100% sure, and maybe it's that insecurity that makes us feel more at ease with gay friends.

So, I came upon this article because I typed in to google "Why am I attracted to gay men." My husband is gay, I have ridiculous celebrity crushes on multiple gay men, and have AT LEAST two gay exes-I'm wondering if the others are in the closet. Needless to say, I'm what you might call a "fag-hag". I have several gay friends as well with no sexual connection.
However, all of these guys started out saying they were strait, but were always different and made fun of for being gay. I befriend them, with no judgement, maybe they're just different, maybe theyre just mommas boys-but mostly its because they are artists. I am an artist and I am attracted to the type of mind that artists have. I also like clean little skinny boys. Sometimes I wonder if I am just a gay guy stuck in a womans body...very likely-I wish I was a drag queen, but I am already a woman...Can you be a gay man stuck in a womans body, or is that...just a woman? Or am I a lesbian still in the closet, so I like feminine guys? I don't know or understand. Regardless, we have lots of sex and then sometime later it stops and they decide they'd rather be with men. My husband was bi when we got married (it didn't bother me, I'm very open about sexuality, while I've never had sex with a woman, I don't consider it as something I would never do...I kind of think everyone is a little bit gay), and now he's gay and has no sexual interest in me. I am just wondering what is wrong with me that this happens over and over...and maybe if a gay guy has an idea of how to get my husband to want me again? Odd, I know, to ask-but if you HAD to have sex with girls the rest of your life, how would you prefer to do so? I am open to anything. And no, I don't want a divorce, we still are very amiable to one another, its just deteriorating to our relationship that I feel wasted sexually. Im only 22, I can't NOT have sex the rest of my life, you know? Someone help me.

Some women like homosexual men because they have been brainwashed by various forms of media:- fantasy books; television; theatre; films; magazines etc.

Those forms of media are often used to promote men who act/dress like women- who like Harry Potter; The Hobbit; Shakespeare; art etc. They like effeminate men because masculine men are portrayed as imbeciles and uncaring. These women have brainwashed to want to have men who act like women but no threat to their perception of their own 'beauty'. The effeminate man is her 'bitch', but gets her wet when he quotes Shakespeare. He isn't a rival to her, and she probably likes being used by him. It's like that song: 'Sweet Talkin' Guy'- a co-dependent female and her lionisation of a worthless narcissist.

well, i've been bothered by this friend of mine lately. he's a "bi" actually, he said he had been to 3 relationships with women before and 4 relationships with men including the present. we get along really well and often share weird jokes. we sort of have this mental connection i must say and i consider him special because he had always been there for me. now the thing is that, lately he seems to act different. he acts as though he's a real man, holding my hands, wrapping me in his arms and saying mushy things. it's kind of weird and creepy since i know he's also attracted to men and he has a boyfriend but i cant help from thinking that maybe.. just maybe, he's also attracted to me. i dont wanna assume things because what's the point but his words and actions say better. he also tells me that he's not sure if he's still in love with his partner anymore. things are starting to get awkward between us eversince one of our friend asked me (with him around) what will i do if he(my bi friend) will say he loves me? will i give him a chance? i hesitated to answer first but ended up saying "no". i sensed he was disaapointed by my answer and i didn't get to defend myself that night. idunno but what he feels matter to me also like if i hurt him or not. this is soooo confusing, ugh. any suggestion?