2 YO tantrums

04-05-2011, 07:48 PM

My 25 mth old DS is a great toddler who rarely has tantrums, maybe 1-2 a week. However, when he does have them , they are AWFUL!!! He cries, fusses, kicks, screams, whines, and is generally incosolable for anywhere for an hour to an hour and a half. He refuses to be held, but also refuses to let me leave the room, even when I tell him that mummy is getting frustrated and needs a few minutes to calm down. He chases after me screaming "mummy, come back, mummy, pick me up" etc., but then doesn't want to be touched, and doesn't calm down even when he do manage to get him to sit with me. As you can probably imagine, after an hour of this, I am completely at my breaking point, and (regrettably) have even yelled at him out of sheer frustration, and to try and get him to stop. After he is done, he always hugs me and tells me that he loves me, and goes on with his day as he normally would. He's very verbal, but doesn't really say why he was sad, or what was wrong when I ask him.

As far as I can tell, there really aren't any specific times of day that this happens, or triggers that set him off. I'm at a loss as to try and prevent this from happening, and how to calm him down when it does. I've tried speaking empathetically, offering food, comfort, distraction, but nothing works, not even nursing. I know 2 YO are supposed to have tantrums, but these are so extreme as to be worrying for me, even though they happen infrequently. Has anyone else experienced issues like this with their toddlers? What did you do????

So from what I read there is no trigger prior to the tantrum itself? I know you said that there doesnt seem to be any particular time of day when these happen but have you noticed any other connections, does it happen after eating or drinking? Does he still nap? Is it happening around naptime or after a naptime?

Also have there been any changes in your home?

It sounds like you really have tried alot and Im sure it certainly can grow fustrating, but it sounds like there maybe something occuring that you just cant pinpoint, to me personally it doesnt sound like a case of I want something and Im just not getting it....

If he doesnt allow you to hold him does he allow you to have any physical contact, rubbing his back, even his hand, leg, head, cheeks...anything to establish that connection? Does he stand by you when he is crying, can you sit right in front of him and just reassure him that you are there and you understand he is upset and you'd like to help him calm down?

1
I know it's not much help but be thankful they are only 1 or 2 times a week. I'm experiencing tantrums like this 5 times a day with my 2.5 year old basically anytime I deny her requests for chocolate or if I need to get her dressed, tell her it's bed time etc!

2
I had the exact same problem with my 2.5 YO, after carefully analizing the situation, my husband and I realized that they happened more frequently when he was extremely tired, had gone through something that had stressed him out during the day (TV, new experiences, etc.) or when he woke up during the night having to use the potty and was not fully awake. I guess at this age they are more aware of what's going on around them and act out because they don´t know how to react.

3
My second child has some extreme tantrums, also spurned by being too tired, eating poorly but also because he is frustrated. He is 3 1/2 now and they can be very intense. My husband can get him to calm down if he gets him to look in his eyes. That helps the misunderstanding started tantrum because we can finally give him a smaller spoon, put the cape inside out or other small detail we weren't sure about. Every kid is different and they are always changing!

4
my daugther has extreme tantrums, she is very strong willed. we have sought the advise of a very compasionate social worker to offer us the support that we need so that we can continue w/AP

5
My sons has them multiple times a day and they include pulling me and my daughters hair and i mean death grips at the roots..same for his dads beard. Throws everything in sight as soon as u deny him the slightest thing..bites too and he wont b 2 until july 31 in public he is now THAT kid trying to climb out of the cart, throwing himself on the floor or against doors, crying uncontrollably with NO tears. Its awful..tried about everything soo im no help here

6
Our 3.5 yr old would have three hour tantrums, same style as your little one's. Never figured out why they happened, but thankfully they are over hopefully without too much damage to our relationship.

7
Oh dear! Poor both of you! *hug* I obviously don't know anything about your situation but in our home I found my daughter wasn't expressing her feelings about the small bumps/frustrations/sadness etc during the days and would internalize them only to have them all burst out in massive tantrums once per week kinda like you describe. After reading some ideas from the branch of AP called 'Aware Parenting' (http://www.awareparenting.com/) I realised I could encourage h er to let out her emotions throughout the day (rather than trying to stop her crying to make her 'feel better') and it really really helped. She rarely had tantrums as big as the original ones.

Not sure if that will apply to your situation but worth a shot! Btw aware parenting is TOTALLY in line with AP and never ever advocates to leave your child to CIO (aside from when you need to remove yourself etc like you've described... We've all been there xx) best of luck