Game Of Thrones season four, episode one: Two Swords – seven questions from the first episode

Game Of Thrones is back! The season four premiere, Two Swords, exploded onto our screens with lots of death, lots of gore, lots of new characters, lots of boobs, lots of zinging insults, lots of the c-word, lots of chickens… and lots of questions.

Could Tywin Lannister rub it in any more?
Oh no! Not Ice! Unsatisfied with killing all the Stark people and all the Stark dogs, Tywin Lannister has to kill all the Stark weapons too.

Ice Stark had been around since the very first episode, but melted down into the titular ‘two swords’ in the very first scene. RIP. He gives one to Jamie… but who gets the other?

Are we really feeling sorry for the Kingslayer?

But… he slays kings! And children! And sleeps with his sister! But with his dad kicking him out of the Kingsguard, his nephew/son scorning him for only have one page in the book of heroic deeds and his sister no longer fancying because he ‘took too long’ to get back from being captured, tortured and maimed, our heart goes out to him.

Nice haircut though.

ANOTHER enemy of the Lannisters?

Prince Oberyn Martell – gorgeousballs (Picture: HBO)

How is this family still in power? Everybody hates them! Latest to join the queue is gorgeousballs Prince Oberyn Martell and his openminded missus, who like to do family activities like visit brothels and select orgy participants.

House Martell is the eleventh ‘major’ house to join the fray, who come to King’s Landing for the Lannister wedding, despite not being big Lannister fans. Oberyn is still a bit peeved about his nephew and nieces being killed and his sister being raped and murdered by the Mountain (where is he these days, anyway?)

Aww… Drogon is just like a big puppy! No wait! He snapped at his mum! Well, that’s what you get when you spoil your children, they become brats. What about Poor Rhaegal and Viserion? How about paying them some attention?

Is a Targaryen now in charge of The Wall?

Aemon – is he pulling the strings on The Wall? (Picture: HBO)

Aemon of the Night’s Watch may be super old and blind and may have renounced all ties to his House, but don’t forget he is still a Targaryen, and it looks like he’s now calling the shots on The Wall.

Is he really that chilled in his old age, or is he still carrying a grudge (like everyone else in Westeros)?

Why does Daario Naharis have a new face?

New face – old character (Picture: HBO)

Is he one of those Faceless Men dudes, like Arya’s mate Jaqen H’ghar? Turns out actor Ed Skrein gave up the role to be the New Jason Statham in the next Transporter film, so the bearded, shorter-haired, looks-and-sounds-nothing-like-him Michiel Huisman gets the gig.

Brave career choice? Give up a bit part in an awesome show for the lead role in a probably-rubbish film? Although when you star in Game of Thrones, lead characters aren’t even guaranteed a paycheque the following week.

The best TV partners since Sonny and Crocket. In this week’s episode the team come across a den of ne’er-do-well’s and set the benchmark for this season’s best deaths, best dialogue, best kiss-off line, all in one scene as The Hound recreates The Joker’s infamous magic trick from The Dark Knight and Arya is finally reunited with her beloved Needle, showing she is just as badass as any warmonger in Westeros.

Take note: when The Hound wants some chicken, you give him some chicken.

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