So... what exactly is
Ghanchakkar? There is not enough fun for it to be a comedy (although
that is what I primarily expected from the promos). There is not
enough thrill for it to be a thriller. There is not enough drama for
it to be a story about relationship trust. All that is kinda
sprinkled all over, but ultimately does not make a difference.
Ghanchakkar is not a film that would fall into a certain category,
and if it was supposed to be masalla it fails to deliver.

It all starts with two not
well-introduced and badly drawn characters (even after the film you just wonder who, where, how and why?)
of a married couple Sanju (Emraan) and Neetu (Vidya). I suppose he is
some renowned criminal because first thing you know he is offered a
job of looting a bank. He accepts and does the deed, aided by two
goons, and he is given the stolen money for safe-keeping, until the
time comes. However when the time comes he claims not to recall
absolutely anything and the goons, angry that he is trying to trick
them, move in with him and his wife to help him remember. To their
despair Sanju has met with an accident after the robbery and suffers
from partial amnesia, that one day may progress to the point of him
not recognizing anyone and anything.

How to rob a bank: Step 1

Somebody explain to me how
sharing a flat with your possible victims helps to trigger a memory?
How about taking him to the place where it all happened, trying to
remind him of all the details? No. I think threatening his wife and
masturbating over the phone will be enough. And Sanju, how about,
when you think you have found the money, you open the suitcase to
check BEFORE you deliver it to the goons? And director saab, how
about some explanations before all that gore bloodshed that was
definitely sickening but not even remotely funny, ten minutes before
the end? Was there really a need for that happening anyway?
Ghanchakkar progresses in the same line as starting your morning with
Teletubbies and ending it with Dracula in Pakistan. Except there are
no twists and turns. Yep, it is boring.

The film is centered
around Emraan, with Vidya Balan playing the second fiddle. That
itself, as unusual as it is, wouldn´t be of concern to me, if she
actually had something to work with, but apart from screaming in
frustration from time to time she is there only to model some
atrocious clothes (was that pun at her off-screen persona intended I
wonder?). Emraan.... what can I say? The dude is always the same, no
matter what film he is at. He is not a „bad“ actor, but he seems
unable to make his characters be different from each other and
actually making an impact. The two actors playing the lame goons were
better than the lead pair, but that does not really say too much.

I really expected more
from this. Perhaps because of Vidya Balan. Perhaps because Rajkumar
Gupta made rather good No One Killed Jessica. Perhaps because my
standarts are set too high for any film really.... Ghanchakkar is
nothing you could name. Except if you have your own „what the hell
did I just watch“ movie label.