The facts of life, explained

Thursday

Apr 26, 2012 at 12:01 AMApr 26, 2012 at 3:00 AM

By J.D. Mullane

It was an irresistible invite.

“The Open Door Club (at Bucks County Community College) will be hosting ‘Sexual Education Day’ on Wednesday April 25 from 10 a.m.-2 p.m. Make sure you come check it out on Newtown Campus in the Clubs and Organizations Area! Talk about LGBT Equality. Talk about safe sex! Or stop by to get some free condoms.”

Free condoms? Oh boy! Who needs ObamaCare when you can get free birth control at the community college?

Actually, I didn’t attend for the free condoms. I prefer babies to birth control. But I understand not everyone shares my enthusiasm.

I attended Sex Education Day because it is tough for me to believe anyone over, say, 15, needs to be educated about sex in America. The state mandates sex ed in public schools. Pop stars rave about it. The Internet is drenched in it. (Porn accounts for 30 percent of all traffic on the World Wide Web, according to Google’s DoubleClick Ad Planner, which uses cookies to gather information about users.)

But Alison Bellavance, of Planned Parenthood of Bucks County, said young people still turn up at college ill-informed about the dangers of STIs, sexually transmitted infections, formerly known as STDs, sexually transmitted diseases.

“There’s no standard curriculum in Pennsylvania,” Bellavance said, “so by the time they get to college, not everyone has the same information. But they should.”

So, Sexual Education Day.

It was held in the Rollins Center. Bellavance was the instructor. Around the room were posted large papers marked with words — itching, rash, sores, burning, discharge, smell.

Bellavance ably explained the infectious consequences of sex. A dozen or so students listened. A young woman announced she recently tested negative for herpes.

When the morning session ended, four young women went to a table at the rear of the room. On the table were a selection of condoms. They giggled as they picked through, hunting for their favorite colors.

“Oh — a black one. That’s for you,” one said to another.

The table also displayed two more latex devices intended to limit sexual infection. One was strawberry flavored, but I will spare you further description.

At noon, another group of kids filled the room. Bellavance led them in a game of “Sexual Jeopardy,” with categories such as STIs, Birth Control and Anatomy.

“I’ll take Safer Sex for 500,” a young man said.

Bellavance asked: Name two options for those people who are allergic to latex.

“Abstinence and, um, lambskin condoms,” the kid said.

“Lambskin’s dicey,” Bellavance said. “Sheepskin?” he said.

No. “Outercourse” and condoms made from materials other than latex, were the correct answers.

The game went on for a half hour. The kids’ knowledge was impressive. Despite more than a score of questions, only three were answered incorrectly.

The winners were presented with a choice of safe sex-themed prizes. Most chose the T-shirts. No one took the box of condoms.

As I sat there, it was all so precise, smart, bloodless and technical. I could almost hear the clickety-clack of gears engaging in the kids’ heads from years of rote sex ed lessons.

Plenty of knowledge, but no truth.

Bellavance told me that “truth” likely would mean she would have to “get into teaching values” and “we don’t do that, because everyone’s values are different. Ideally, it’s the parents who should be teaching values at home.”

I agreed. After all, a mechanic tells you how to maintain your car, not where to drive it.

After “Jeopardy,” I asked one of the students about knowledge versus truth when it comes to human sexuality. He had no idea what I was talking about.

Knowledge is mechanical — “how to.” Truth is wisdom, what we know. We know that nature commands humans to be monogamous.

“Oh — I think it’s really the opposite,” he said. “We’re supposed to be polygamous. Just look at animals, look at nature.”

I motioned to the dozen diseases listed on papers around the room.

“I’m looking at nature,” I said, “and nature says sleeping around is rewarded with diseases strong enough to kill you.”

“But when we’re young, we have to get it out of our system,” he said.

“Wild oats,” I said. “I get it.”

Back at the table, beneath a list marked “Possible Symptoms” of sexually transmitted infections, kids picked through the pile of colorful condoms, giggling.

J.D. Mullane can be reached at 215-949-5745 or at jmullane@phillyburbs.com.

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