Saturday, June 19, 2010

I know I haven't been blogging for a really long time and I swear that laziness is not just the core reason for me not to do so. Besides being really busy with studies, work and anything else, I don't really feel comfortable about the idea of publishing my thoughts and my everyday life encounters here, in a place where anyone can view much, anymore. Not, especially when things haven't really been going THAT smoothly for me nowadays.

I don't like the idea of being judged at, especially when people just don't even have the slightest idea of what exactly is going on, or worse. Some people think they really does know a lot, like everything. But seriously? You really think so? So before you do make any judgement, I suggest you just keep the comments to yourself before you make it clear to others how ignorant you can be. (:

I havebeen pretty pessimistic lately, reason being that the things that had been happening to me makes me the way I am now. Or perhaps, it has always been in me. Where did the bubbly me went to? Was that even the real personality of mine anyway? I don't even know it myself.All these doubts and questions drowned me every day, every night and I started losing faith in this whole thing. Was this the right decision I made months ago that made me become what I am today? I want to believe that everything is beautiful and alright, but am I just trying too hard lying to myself? What was told to me, what was promised, were they just empty words and promises?I hope that it is clearly understood that I need help, I can't be doing this alone if no help was offered. I feel that things are falling apart, I am falling apart.If still no actions other than myself is to be done, I don't know where this will be leading to.I've changed, I know I did. For the better or for the worse? I have no idea anymore. Simply because things are not getting better when I actually did try to change for the better.It takes two hands to clap. So what if I tried to change for the better when the other party is doing otherwise. I feel powerless and helpless whenever the message I tried to convey failed to be sent accordingly. I don't like and obviously not want to be taken for granted. I want to feel appreciated, not just by words, but by actions.If even the involved parties can't understand the situation and look for solution, who else will?

What am I supposed to do now? I'm so tired of doing this alone. I don't want to end up getting hurt, I can't afford to be hurt again and again.Please enlighten me.

Saturday, January 30, 2010

My last post was more than a month ago, hahahahahaha ! Why am I so lazy ?! Might as well just close down my blog yeah? =/

So many things happened within the past one month, and I really do not know how to type them out in words now.

I can only conclude that 2010 will definitely not be a good year for me, and I can sense that there will be more to come. BOO ! I certainly wish that my instincts are wrong and hope that things can get better though.

Things went wrong on the very first day of 2010, how positive can I be?

Oh yeah, he popped out out of nowhere again and said sentimental stuff to me, making me confused for a moment, but I guess I have to know what I want and to avoid confusions, I told him that it's best not to contact anymore. Moreover, I need to be fair to my current BF right?

I admit at times I will find myself in dilemma still, thinking whether if I've made the right choice? Will I regret after that? Why is it that everytime when I want to move on, he will pop out again and emotionally stop me from moving on? Ahh, but fuck that, I've already pick my choice and I should just live with it and time will tell. I believe in fate, what's yours will be yours.

Oh yes, my shopping addictions are back again, oh god ! It seems that I can never have enough of it. I need help, before I end up eating grass and soil. One more week and holiday is here again, weeeee !

Friday, December 18, 2009

First day of school is already dreadful enough, but how does having Mathematics on the first day sounds like? It's like the suckiest day ever.

So much things happened over the holidays and I had no time to blog at all due to many reasons, i hardly had the chance to even touch my laptop.

So much I had to say but I don't know where to start with, so here's a brief post of what I did over the holidays.

Let's talk about my Christmas. Went to Zouk for the first time with Renee and girlfriends for countdown on the eve of Christmas and it was also Jas' birthday, so one stone killed two birds.

I was pretty disappointed with the music in Phuture, I thought I still prefer Powerhouse DJ alot more. First time in Zouk, and I'm already disappointed. How nice.

On Christmas Day itself, went to catch Chipmnks 2 with him and dinner with his family.

Met up with my secondary school friends and caught Old Dogs, the show was great. Watch it !

Went to Helipad to club on New Year's Eve with gfs, him and his friends. The music was freaking Trance for the whole night, damn it ! Luckily, it was free entry for the girls but the guys wasted their time and money there for nothing. We left the club at 1am because the music was really not our cup of tea. everyone splitted up, me and him went to join his family for another 2 rounds of drinks. They drank like nobody's business, madness ! I was so close to drunk or was I already drunk? I remember not being able to walk properly even after I showered.

Bad start of 2010, because I found out something shocking that still affects me greatly, maybe to him too. I need time to bury this incident behind me and hope it really will not happen again.

Things are not going very smoothly for me this year and I certainly hope things will get better and not worse.

I must say I did not really enjoy the holiday at all because I've been working quite alot and the fact that I haven't even got my first paycheck, whathefuck !

Nevertheless, over the holiday, I can see the great change that he had for me and I appreciate his effort. It is probably the reason why I forgave his gravely mistake. but of course, no more 3rd chance !

Monday, December 14, 2009

Yes, I'm being lazy to blog yet again, but guess what? Today marks the last day of school, here comes the term break ! Woohoo !

Actually I got nothing much to be excited about because I've got to spend almost everyday of my holiday working my ass off except for what? 6 days? What the heck am I thinking man? I really felt bad that before holiday, I already have not much time to spend with him, and now it's holiday i am still busy with work. And worse of all, I think I spent more time with friends than him because I don't want to end up like my past, neglecting my friends for my relationship. i need a balance. but now, I guess the balance is pretty much unfair for him, haha.

I think I just need some time to adjust a little.

Have still been arguing with him quite a bit recently, I think this is not going to stop, not anytime soon, probably because I'm too hard to please. Haha. But oh well...

Have been out with him and his friends during the weekends and both night, his friends made us waited like fools for at least 1 hour or 2. I was super pissed off and of cause this led me to blame it on him and started venting my anger on him. I just hate to wait, let alone waiting for so long. All because of all this waiting and dragging, I had to go to work like a walking corpse only having 3 hours of sleep.

I finally caught "New Moon" but was kind of disappointed with it though. I thought Twilight was much better than that, but ! Jacob was so so so so HOT after he had that disgusting long hair chopped off!!! OMGsxz !

I kept going on and on about how cute he is to him, and he was like.................................. But seriously, he's damn hot ! =D

Alright, and now I'll stop here and I don't know when I will be free to blog again. My whole December is packed like hell !

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Baoyu's 21st birthday party is kinda ______________ (whatever word that fits in), and its probably because everyone else did not turn up, wtf man.

I'm so freaking tired and decided not to go to work today, haven't been sleeping much lately, and I slept till 5pm today. Nevertheless, I'm still feeling so tired, probably slept too much today.

Got tricked by him* to go up to his mum's office to study when we were supposed to study at Starbucks Novena. I took much courage to step into her office because it's just plain weird la. Ended up, we did not study but watched movie there and rotted there till 12plus when his mum is finally done with her work to send us back home.

I'm so in a foul mood now, and I don't know what is the reason. Damn it.