Saturday, July 14, 2007

I am panicking about age again…

Yes I am becoming obsessed with this subject matter. I woke up this morning and panicked as I realised I am nearly 50…well I am 46 and that’s fucking close enough.I recall the 80s like it was yesterday, I can tell you what I wore, who I voted, how I felt and what music I liked and that was 25 years ago!It felt last month not decades ago!

I can’t believe I am this age, I have only one marker or example to go by and that’s my mammy and she was murdered at 47. She was really old at my age. She was wrinkly, had no teeth, cared nothing about what she wore and had absolutely no ambition, she accepted her child bearing days were done and that she was just a granny with no future!

I think my life is just beginning now that my daughter is an adult, I can travel more, I can explore my own ambitions and I can start to be me again after the hiatus of motherhood. Well that’s the plan!

Talking of travel I am just back from London having done my first Edinburgh preview show at the Arts Depot in North London. I decided to stay at the Groucho club overnight as it was nice and central. The place is awesome and I love the Groucho, but at 5.30am I was sharply awoken by the noise of hundreds of bottles being smashed in the backyards of Soho as the recycling truck came round. The noise was ear shattering! I could not believe anyone or anything could make that much noise so early! Fuck the planet and let me sleep!

So here I am back in Glasgow and its Saturday. I have woken up scared I am nearly 50 and scared I will be too old too quick. I want my life back to live all over again and this time I promise, I won’t get married too young, I won’t spend 15 years in a shitty bar and I will make sure I find a way to go to America and screw Brad Pitt!