Yaya is Gay – What do I do?

One of our readers posed a question to us recently: “What should I do if I discover my yaya is gay?” To be completely honest, this question is definitely a first for me --- and although my answer to this query may not be the most popular nor the most accepted, let me venture into the unknown…

Should I discover that my yaya – or any member of my staff, for that matter - is gay, it wouldn’t really matter to me.

In my book, gender preference does not rank high in my criteria for a member of my staff. However, having said this, I also do need to be sensitive to the fact that the rest of the household may not share the same opinion.

The honesty, integrity and industriousness of a person are not determined by whether or not she is heterosexual. Following this trend of thought, if I believed that my yaya was trustworthy and kind, why wouldn’t I allow her to take care of my child? Just because a person is seemingly “normal” under the general social consensus does not mean that she is automatically a kind, caring individual who is qualified to be your child’s caregiver. Discern properly --- without bias, with compassion, with kindness.

As mentioned, one has to consider the feelings and perspectives of the other members of the household. If other staffers are truly uncomfortable with the idea of sharing a room/bathroom with another woman who is gay, then a proper sit-down talk is necessary. First figure out if the fears are borne out of ignorance or if there is something about your yaya that is indeed questionable. Next, if reactions to your yaya by other staffers are merely out of shallow concerns, try to see this as an opportunity to teach compassion and wisdom. “We should not judge others lest we be judged”, as they say.

The cornerstone of any household is trust and honesty, so encourage your staff to be honest with you regarding how they feel about your yaya and allow them to trust you to handle the situation with all tact and propriety. For harmony to exist, you need to clarify things at both ends of the spectrum --- should your yaya’s gender preference be acceptable to you, she must know and feel this acceptance not just from you but from the rest of the people in your home. Conversely, if she does not have a place in your family not because of you but because of perhaps others, you must do the kind thing and let her go with all the kindness.

Do not in any way make her feel inferior or inadequate… and as mentioned, try to look inside the person and not just what is around them. A person’s best self lies beyond what she may look like to us and sadly, we may never know that side unless we give them a chance. Everyone deserves a chance to prove their worth. Give them their due.