A perfect touchdown pass in the toy store

I was finally able to enjoy the true meaning of the holiday season Saturday in a toy store.

Shopping for toys a week before Christmas is not much different than an afternoon on the NFL gridiron. The only problem was I forgot to put on a helmet and shoulder pads before leaving my house.

Now I know what it must be like to play quarterback in the NFL with a poor offensive line. There were carts coming at me from the left, toys falling off the shelves in front of me, and old men cutting me off while chasing sales clerks down the aisle. But there was no time to be scared, not with so much at stake and a list of toys still to be checked off.

My blue shopping cart made for the perfect blocking back and I was sure to hold to the ball tightly at all times, which came in the form of my six-month-old daughter Lauren.

I started to panic on a number of occasions, but I was able to settle down in time to call another play.

Like the legendary
Bill Walsh
, I scripted the first 15 plays of the game and knew exactly where I had to go in order to find the Cinderella vanity for my two-year-old daughter Emma.

On third-and-goal from the eight-yard line a perfectly executed bootleg call netted me the last box on the shelf and the rout was officially on. I felt like
Joe Montana
having just orchestrated a 10-play, 80-yard drive to win a game in the closing seconds.

It was pure joy, but the game was far from over.

I was lucky I didn't tear an ACL going through the next few aisles. I was also close to being penalized for a delay of game for trying to decide whether or not to buy a Dora the Explorer doll. I quickly called a timeout and came up with a new plan - coloring books. Another perfect audible by the quarterback.

Nothing was going to stop me on this afternoon. Lauren could even tell her dad was in the "zone" that only the great quarterbacks in NFL history can explain. For a moment I could have sworn that I heard
John Facenda
's voice over the main speaker calling to someone in the back room for a pickup.

It was tough to concentrate over the loud roar of the crowd, but that didn't stop me from grabbing the large, orange Nemo on the shelf and the two-pack of Toy Story dolls five yards down the aisle.

A toy guitar and an animated DVD movie rounded out the scoring and there was even smooth sailing through the checkout line.

About 20 minutes later I was sitting on my couch watching
Tom Brady
trying to impersonate me in the toy store.

Last week: 9-6-1.

Overall: 105-95-2.

New York Jets
(+8½) at
Miami Dolphins
: Both teams are coming off victories. The Dolphins found a way to beat the
Chargers
and the Jets dominated the Raiders last week. The Jets will get back to their losing ways this week. DOLPHINS.

Pittsburgh
Steelers
at
Minnesota Vikings
(+3): The Vikings keep rolling and should be able to keep the Steelers' running game in check. VIKINGS.

San Diego Chargers (+7½) at
Indianapolis Colts
: The Chargers will keep it close and don't be surprised if the Colts' undefeated season ends today. CHARGERS.

San Francisco 49ers (+15) at
Jacksonville Jaguars
: The 49ers were assured Saturday that USC's
Reggie Bush
will turn pro. The Jaguars should be able to rest their starters in the second half. JAGUARS.