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Friday, 30 December 2016

Hey, what's up, dude? I mean, like, seriously, what the fuck was up? What exactly happened back there? Are you feeling ok? Everyone was worried about you, man, we were all talking about it.

Look, I don't want to pry or nothing, but was something bothering you? Were you angry with us? I only ask because you kinda massacred all those celebrities, didn't you? That wasn't very nice. Also, for sure, politics hasn't exactly been stable in recent years, but Brexit?? C'mon man, why did you allow that to happen? That was chaotic. Or, wait, what about Trump??? TRUMP! What the fuck was that? Why did you give that man more power? Was that an accident? It was an accident, right? But hey, at least you kept the millennials distracted, teaching them how to snapchat their faceswaps or bury their heads into their dabbing armpits to ensure they didn't notice anything was wrong. Even I was confused at times, never entirely sure whether I was mansplaining or manterrupting or manspreading or even managing whatsoever. I dunno, it all went a bit wobbly back there. Are you unwell? Can I get you anything? I guess it's too late now anyway.

That said, and other stuff I haven't said, there was this one other thing I said a few times throughout your lifespan, perhaps you recall? It was the one where I went: "2016 was the first time the world outside my head was more crazy then the world inside my head" remember? Hahaha, damn, I should get paid for this shit (seriously though, please). That statement was super true though, not exclusively because you obviously developed some sort of mental issues and went off the rails on some God-complex-binge or whatever it is Years do, but because for the first time in like ... 3 years? ... I felt like I had regained control. The last few rounds have been tough, man, really tough! I was super emu for a period back there, and people noticed, ugh! But with you, it was different. I just felt... comfortable? Actually, maybe that's what happened. Perhaps you focused solely on me and forgot about everyone else this year. Which is super sweet, man, really appreciated, you probably should have tried striking a better balance, but who am I to say? If it's one or the other, definitely give more stuff to me, for sure. What I'm saying is, between you and me, thanks for having my back.

For the last 7 years, I have paid my respects to each of the 365 day collectives by picking them apart, analysing their bits, pointing out defining characteristics, and then try to put them back together with minimal damage. I do this so that you and me and everyone else who is interested can forever have a frozen solidified state of this time, where we can marvel over what made you so special, oft from a personal perspective, but also from a global perspective, as I've tried to remain unbias, as much as one human can. Regardless, on both accounts and no matter who reads this letter, you, 2016, were beyond eventful. You were like one non-stop click bait title! So rather than waste anymore time getting poetic or deep in this introduction (read: I'm running out of time, basically), let's get right into it, super fucking rushed as always, forgive the spelling eorrs. Here you go, the flashback of your life, Dear 2016, just before you die.

Use the following key to find what you are looking for much quicker, depending what you are looking for:

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Personal stuff that relates to me.

Notable people who have died.

General news, often of a political nature.

Some big event.

Disasters, mostly natural.

Internet related news.

Music related news.

Film/TV related news.

Science/Technology related news.

Award ceremonies.

Gigs I went to.

Trips I went on.

Books I read.

Blogs I wrote/Juice Nothing related news.

News about my book, This is Your Brain on Drugs.

Music I made/Coming Down Happy related news.

Videos we made/The Funpowder Plot related news.

Paintings I did all by myself.

Dennis Publishing (my job) related news.

The King/Queen of 2016.

My tweets which I am the most proud of.

01 Jan

Kicked 2016 off with pretty much the greatest New Years ever! Stuck in a Mansion with a bunch of friends and about 30-strangers-soon-to-be-friends, which was pure rock and roll, to the point that we didn't get the deposit back because we ass-fucked it so hard. I don't remember everything too clearly, but the fun levels were fairly maximum.
It's weird, because 10 years previous, I was admitted into rehab at this exact same time, so I guess I'm getting better at life?

Vilmos Zsigmond was a Hungarian-American cinematographer, known as one of the ten most influential cinematographers in history (according to International Cinematographers Guild). With four Oscar nominations and one win, his 85-year-old death will be remembered for movies like Deliverance, Close Encounters of the Third Kind, The Deer Hunter, The River, and The Black Dahlia. Happy new years!

03 Jan

Dry Jan officially starts.

Saudi Arabia ends its diplomatic relations with Iran due to some fallout caused by the execution of Nimr al-Nimr.

04 Jan

Roblan Frank Armitage was a painter and muralist, known for painting several Disney backgrounds for Lady and the Tramp, Peter Pan, Sleeping Beauty, Mary Poppins, and The Jungle Book. He died today at 91.

Robert Colin Stigwood was a music entrepreneur and film producer, best known for managing Cream and the Bee Gees, as well as being responsible for the theatrical productions of Hair and Jesus Christ Superstar, not to mention the film productions of Grease and Saturday Night Fever. His death at 81 happened today.

05 Jan

Finished reading my signed copy of Girl in a Band by Kim Gordon. It was cool because I love her, but not incredible, probably for fans only type of thing.

Widely regarded as the world's most powerful drug trafficker, Joaquín Guzmán, was recaptured following his escape from a maximum security prison today.

And thus begins my usual narcissistic #Top50LegoTripTweetsOf2016 list, where I bestow upon you what I consider my very best Tweets of 2016, starting with:
#Top50LegoTripTweetsOf2016 (1/50): Skinny jeans are great, just so long as you don’t use your pockets or need to pee or get an erection or take them off ever again.

09 Jan

member Be Like Bill? It started with an illustration of a stick figure, Bill, who made the choice to simply carry on with his life after being triggered from something said on the internet back in 2015, and he grew to be the most annoying meme of early 2016.

10 Jan

Two days after his birthday and the release of his intensely acclaimed album Blackstar, David Bowie died from liver cancer. He had been diagnosed 18 months earlier but none of us had any idea.
As he is my musical God, the news hit me hard on a personal level, and I promptly called in sick to work the next day when the news reached the world, embarking on a solo Bowie tour around London. I visited to the house he was born in and was interviewed outside by some Norwegian TV station. I purchased my favourite Bowie record on vinyl, Scary Monsters. I visited the exact location where the Ziggy Stardust album cover was shot. I wrote and launched a quick blog sending my love to the man, called Dear David Bowie. I got the Aladdin Sane lightening bolt tattooed on my leg. And then I went to Brixton where a fuckload of people had collected to pay their respects.
Many "friends" have given me shit for the tears I shed throughout the day, but even more people around the world understood my mission and I received multiple messages of support to aid my journey. Still to this day, I struggle to think of something that has hit me quite so hard, I feel like there is a big hole in the world and within my own person, and no matter how many other respectable artists died in 2016 (and as you know, there were multiple), nothing could even touch the sides of my ripped out heart, and nothing ever will.

The 73rd Golden Globe Awards happened tonight. Ricky Gervais hosted the show for the fourth time. Mr. Robot, Mozart in the Jungle, The Revenant, The Martian, and Steve Jobs were among the films and television shows that received multiple awards. Revenant won the most with three, including best drama and best actor. Decent.

12 Jan

Robert Black was a Scottish serial killer and paedophile who was convicted of the kidnap, rape, sexual assault and murder of four girls aged between 5 and 11 in a series of killings committed between 1981 and 1986 in the UK. He was just weeks from being charged after one of the most exhaustive United Kingdom murder investigations of the 20th century, and then he escaped by dying from a fatal heart attack at the age of 68.

13 Jan

Due to a tiny printing error, the company that dealt with my Drugs book (Book Printing UK) sent me 65 new copies for free! :D

Tera Wray was a porno lady, known for two reasons: (1) she was the first person to fuck on camera whilst her partner was getting tattooed; and (2) she was married to the recently deceased rockstar Wayne Static from Static X. Probably related to one of those facts, she killed herself on this day at the age of 33.

14 Jan

David Bowie breaks Adele's Vevo record for most video views in one day with Lazarus, 11.1 million. Good.

Alan Sidney Patrick Rickman was an actor and director, known for playing loads of roles including Hans Gruber in Die Hard and Severus Snape in the Harry Potter film series. Last year he was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer after a minor stroke, and he died today at the age of 69. Same as Bowie. Is this the new 27? Another real shit one regardless.

#Top50LegoTripTweetsOf2016 (2/50): Every porn video should start with at least 10 seconds of mandatory loud music just to warn you that your speakers are on.

16 Jan

Went to a Bowie tribute show which was well needed. It started snowing at the end, and that felt like Bowie's snowie was blessing us all. It was magical.

Today the International Atomic Energy Agency deemed Iran's dismantling of their nuclear weapons was done adequately, and the United Nations lifted their sanctions immediately.

17 Jan

Terence Dale "Buffin" Griffin was the drummer for Mott the Hoople, best known for the Bowie-penned track All the Young Dudes, which the man wrote especially for them. He died in his sleep today at the age of 67.

18 Jan

Belgian radio station Studio Brussel and American observatory MIRA got together and registered a constellation in memory of David Bowie.

For the first time EVER, old catalogued physical albums outsold new current albums by 6 million copies.

Another biggie: Glenn Lewis Frey was a founding member of rock band the Eagles. He died today from complications of rheumatoid arthritis, acute ulcerative colitis, and pneumonia, while recovering from gastrointestinal tract surgery, at the age of 67.

19 Jan

Yasutaro Koide was a Japanese supercentenarian, who was the oldest living man in the world at 112 years, 312 days. He eventually died today.

20 Jan

After some TFL vs. Uber troubles which threatened the taxi app, Uber won the case and one of the greatest services in the world continued just fine.

The blizzard Jonas hit the Mid-Atlantic and Northeast United States around here. It snowed so much that $500 million – $3 billion of economic losses occurred, 631,000+ people were affected, and 55 people died.

21 Jan

#Top50LegoTripTweetsOf2016 (3/50): Be nice to everyone, because all people have something to offer and it’s much easier to exploit someone if they like you. #motivational

22 Jan

#Top50LegoTripTweetsOf2016 (4/50): We live in a 14 billion year old infinite universe for reasons we don’t understand, and yet you fuckers are still whining about Kanye West.

23 Jan

I won the lotto! Well, £8.50 of it, to be fair. All in all, I did win £26.60 this year from the lottery, which is still not a profit, but we play for the thrill, right?

James Stewart "Jimmy" Bain was a musician best known for playing bass guitar in the bands Rainbow and Dio, as well as co-writing Thin Lizzy frontman Phil Lynott's solo albums. He was due to perform on Def Leppard's Hysteria on the High Seas cruise, but due to lung cancer and pneumonia, he died instead at the age of 68.

#Top50LegoTripTweetsOf2016 (5/50): I was always like “I could never get married and only sleep with one person,” but then everyone else got married and now I sleep with no one

28 Jan

The World Health Organization announces a Zika virus outbreak.

Here's a weird one: Signe Toly Anderson and Paul Lorin Kantner were both founding members of Jefferson Airplane. Today, Anderson died from chronic obstructive pulmonary disease, and Kantner died from multiple organ failure after he suffered a heart attack, both at the age of 74. Spooky!

Released my first real blog of the year, Worst to Best: Sonic Youth. I thought it was pretty good and the hits indicated the same.

01 Feb

Dry Jan successful and over!

02 Feb

Shout out to Milzy Milz who sponsored more money towards my book than anybody else! For such a kind act, I drew her a picture of her favourite animal doing her job. Look!

Saw Glassjaw! Was super fucking loud, to the point that the speakers sounded like they were falling apart and my ears rang for days after. Not good, but whatever, rock and roll. Coheed and Cambria played afterwards but we didn't watch them because fuck them.

03 Feb

Joseph Francis "Joe" Alaskey III was best known as one of Mel Blanc's successors as the voice actor who played Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck, Sylvester, Tweety, and Plucky Duck from 1990–95. He died today at the age of 63 from cancer.

04 Feb

Finished reading Of Love and Other Demons by Gabriel García Márquez. Wasn't his best work, but still better than every other author in the world, I am forever in awe of his style, he is my favourite.

05 Feb

Today I got on a plane and flew back to my home Cape Town in South Africa for 3 weeks. So much happened it's hard to recall the highlights, but it's kind of what I imagined being a celebrity is like. Everyone was super happy to see me, I sold a bunch of copies of my book, signing them in public, the exchange rate meant I was stupid rich, various girls had sex with me etc. Other cool things happened too, like watching my first girlfriend ever get married in Franschoek, hanging with the family (especially chilling with bro in Fisherhaven, which is basically heaven), being reunited with my old guitars and childhood teddy bear, finally making amends with my favourite ex-enemy who I love forever, sneaking beer to my dad who was in hospital for a busted knee etc. It's things like this that made 2016 so good.

Some confusing stuff happened today concerning Julian Assange, where a UN panel decided that the man should be able to walk free and granted compensation for his detention. However, the UK and Swedish Government said that was rubbish, and maintained they would arrest him as soon as they can. Back to square one then.

06 Feb

An earthquake with a magnitude of 6.4 hit Pingtung City in Taiwan today, leaving 550 injured and 117 dead. You see what God did to them, man?

Daniel "Dan" Gerson was a screenwriter best-known for his Pixar and Walt Disney work. He co-wrote the screenplays of Monsters, Inc., Monsters University and Big Hero 6, whilst also contributing to Chicken Little, Curious George, Cars, Meet the Robinsons, Up, Inside Out and Zootopia. He died today from brain cancer, at the age of 49.

07 Feb

Super Bowl 50 this year saw Lady Gaga performed the National Anthem, while Coldplay performed the halftime with Beyoncé, Bruno Mars and Mark Ronson. Woop :|

North Korea launches a rocket into space, which violates multiple UN treaties and everyone was upset. I don't think the country cared though.

09 Feb

Today the FBI announced that they were unable to unlock one of the mobile phones they recovered from the 2015 San Bernardino attack due to its security features, and wanted Apple to unlock it to check for evidence. Apple refused, which I respect them for. Apparently the FBI managed to unlock it eventually anyway though.

12 Feb

Stefan moves out of our house and was replaced by Fede, who also turned out to be super cool, so everything continued upwards and happy.

Pope Francis and Patriarch Kirill sign some sort of declaration between the Catholic and Russian Orthodox Churches, which has never happened before.

13 Feb

Today was the day that indie rock group Viola Beach and their manager all died in a car crash in Sweden. There were no drugs or alcohol in their systems, so no one really knows what happened except they appeared to fall though a gap in the bridge they were crossing. Pretty shit.

Awesome yet generally unknown electro artist Linkoban died today from cancer at the age of 30. I am a huge fan, so I was bleak about this.

18 Feb

Paul Christian Gordon was a member of New Radicals and the keyboardist for the B-52's, and was also known for his work with Natasha Bedingfield, Goo Goo Dolls, Prince, and Lisa Marie Presley. He died from heart disease today at the age of 52.

19 Feb

As previously mentioned, today was the day my first ever girlfriend got married and I was there to witness it happen, pretty much the main reason I was in South Africa. Was a really beautiful thing and made me feel like I'm going to die alone.

In October 2014, Kesha sued producer Dr. Luke for sexual assault, battery, and some other pretty hectic accusations. After about a year of this, Kesha tried to get released from her Kemosabe Record contract, but today the court ruled against the request. It all seems a bit nasty, but at least she became the most spoken about artist in the world for a while back there.

Nelle Harper Lee (better known as Harper Lee) was the author of the insanely famous classic novel To Kill a Mockingbird. She died in her sleep today, at the age of 89.

21 Feb

John I. Caldwell was a gag cartoonist known for his work in National Lampoon and Mad Magazine. He was yet another 69 year old victim to cancer this year. After his death, Comics Reporter described him as having had "one of the most prolific and successful [cartooning] careers of the late 20th Century."

22 Feb

A truly sad day was when my friend Mike Dowson had a heart attack after a panic attack and passed away. I'm still really confused about it. One of the nicest people in the world. The loss was felt deep throughout my group of friends.

24 Feb

At some point around here, Facebook finally rolled out their reaction buttons. I still refuse to use them.

The 2016 Brit Awards. Adele won 3. Was pretty shit.

25 Feb

Anthony "Tony" Burton was an actor, comedian, boxer, and football player. He starred in the Rocky films, The Shining and Hook, but spent most of his later life in and out of hospital, until pneumonia got the better of him today and he died at the age of 78.

27 Feb

Arrived back in London from South Africa, and damn, it was hard to adjust. I can't tell you how many times I considered quitting my job, withdrawing my pension, and running away to Croatia. I calmed down eventually.

The 36th Golden Raspberry Awards ceremony tonight, calling Fantastic Four and Fifty Shades of Grey the worst films of 2015. Fifty Shades of Grey won a further four other awards celebrating its shitness.

28 Feb

The 88th Academy Awards happened today, complete with much controversy surrounding the lack of any black nominees. Regardless, the show must go on, with The Revenant winning three of its 12 nominations, Mad Max winning 6 of its 10, Spotlight winning 2 of its 6 (including best picture), and... AND... LEO FINALLY WON HIS BEST ACTOR OSCAR!!!! Who says 2016 was all bad??

Jack Lindquist was a business executive who served as the president of the Disneyland theme park in California from 1990 until he retired in 1993. Among the amusement industry, many have credited Lindquist with founding and greatly expanding the arts and sciences of attraction promotion. He died today at the age of 88.

29 Feb

Rush released the blog 10 Songs I've Cried To. Wasn't the best, but was something I had been wanting to write for years, so it can stay.

02 March

To combat the holiday blues, today I started my romance with 5-HTP, which has continued to this day despite the suggested guidelines warning that I shouldn't be doing that.

The 2016 Sumatra earthquake was a 7.8 magnitude monster that hit Indonesia. But hey, nobody died!

Raymond Samuel Tomlinson was pretty much the inventor of email, known for implementing the @ sign to differentiate the user name from the machine. He died today at the age of 74 from a suspected heart attack.

#Top50LegoTripTweetsOf2016 (6/50): People are having kids and I can’t even keep control of my inbox.

03 March

Ghostbusters 2016 trailer was released, going on to be the most disliked movie trailer on YouTube, with 649,900 dislikes by May 2016. Sexism accusations followed shortly.

#Top50LegoTripTweetsOf2016 (7/50): I won’t let my best mate use my toothbrush but I will have unprotected sex with a complete stranger.

04 March

Anthony John "Tony" Dyson was a SPFX designer, best-known for building the R2-D2 droid model. He died today at the age of 68, and I don't know how.

06 March

Went to boxing for the first time today, was a lot of fun.

08 March

Another huge one: Sir George Henry Martin CBE was and always will be the Fifth Beatle to me, as he produced almost all their songs which granted him 30 number-one hit singles in the United Kingdom and 23 number-one hits in the United States, as well as six Grammy Awards. He died today in his sleep, at age 90. Damnit.

10 March

Sir Kenneth Hugo Adam, OBE was a two time Academy Award movie production designer, working on many James Bond films in the 60s/70s and Dr. Strangelove. He was also one of the only three German-born pilots in the British Royal Air Force during the Second World War. He died today at the age of 95.

13 March

Today was the day that bombing took place in Kızılay, Ankara, Turkey, where at least 37 people were killed and 125 injured. The Kurdistan Freedom Falcons (TAK) claimed responsibility.

Adrienne Corri was an actress best knowing as the rape victim in A Clockwork Orange. She died today from coronary artery disease at the age of 85. Fantastic scene though.

Francis Wayne "Frank" Sinatra (known as Frank Sinatra, Jr.) was obviously Frank Sinatra's son from his first marriage with Nancy Barbato Sinatra. He died unexpectedly today of cardiac arrest while on tour in Florida at the age of 72.

#Top50LegoTripTweetsOf2016 (8/50): I support a woman's right to breastfeed in public because I’m a dirty pervert who wants to see your tits.

17 March

Snuck into a Google seminar just in time for the free drinks, aweh.

Paul Daniels was some magician that everyone knew of but me. He died from a brain tumour today, 77.

19 March

Received my £10,000 Amex credit card today. Dangerous times ahead!

20 March

Went to The British Library today, and took photos of the Magna Carta and handwritten Yesterday lyrics by Paul McCartney, and then they kicked me out. Just before they did so, however, I managed to leave my own book This is Your Brain on Drugs in the public bathroom, which spurred on many other such adventures over the course of the next few months.

22 March

This morning, three coordinated nail bombings occurred in Brussels, Belgium: two at Brussels Airport, and one at Maalbeek metro station. 32 victims and three suicide bombers were killed, and over 300 people were injured. ISIL claimed responsibility. The bombings were the deadliest act of terrorism in Belgium's history.

One of the founders of hip hop pioneers A Tribe Called Quest, Phife Dawg, died today at the age of 45 due to complications relating to diabetes. SO SHIT.

23 March

Microsoft created an AI teen girl named Tay who was programmed to learn how to speak from Twitter, which was a stupid move. Within 24 hours, she had begun to give its praise to Hitler and spoke about sex non-stop, prompting Microsoft to delete the bot a day after it began. Welcome to the internet!

A guy named Matthew Doyle Tweets "I confronted a Muslim woman in Croydon yesterday. I asked her to explain Brussels. She said 'nothing to do with me'. A mealy mouthed reply." This sad example racism blew up with many hilarious responses, but it was still very icky, until the man was later arrested on suspicion for enticing racial hatred online. Read more here.

Saw At the Drive-In today. Damn, I mean like, how lucky am I though? They were as hardcore as ever.

Another suicide bombing, this time at the main entrance of Gulshan-e-Iqbal Park, one of the largest parks in Lahore, Pakistan. 75 people were killed and over 340 were injured, the majority were women and children. Jamaat-ul-Ahrar, a group affiliated with the Pakistani Taliban, claimed responsibility for the attack

28 March

Storm Katie hits the UK with 70mph winds, killed a dude, blew down my garden fence, and generally halted everything. I was caught in the middle of it on the way home from At the Drive-In, fuck me, was so intensely shit, I could hardly walk.

As a team building thing, me and my work mates went to that Virtually Dead experience, which was kind of like secret cinema meets VR meets the zombie apocalypse. It was fucking rad!

#Top50LegoTripTweetsOf2016 (9/50): Exercise is my favourite drug because the miserable part comes first.

31 March

Ronald Balfour "Ronnie" Corbett, CBE was a Scottish stand-up comedian, actor, writer and broadcaster, best known for his long association with Ronnie Barker in the BBC television comedy sketch show The Two Ronnies. He starred in loads of stuff, very recognisable man, which is why his 85 year old death due to motor neurone disease was extra sad.

Misc.

Our housemate Imogen left at some point in March, and I was bleak because I took her for granted as she was a really great person. What made this fact even more apparent came with her replacement, a lady named Sarah. She was the worst! Super Christian alcoholic and I'm pretty sure undiagnosed insane. One time she cornered me on the stairs and told me Jesus had sent me to save her life. I handed in my notice shortly after that.

01 April

For the first time in 23 years, Slash and Duff McKagan joined Axl Rose on stage to perform as the classic era Guns N' Roses band.

02 April

A fight between Armenian and Azerbaijani military in the Nagorno-Karabakh left 193 people dead, becoming the biggest breach of the 1994 ceasefire.

03 April

Around here about 11.5 million documents known as the Panama Papers leaked. They showed information for more than 214,488 offshore tax evasion entities, which included David Cameron and associates of Vladimir Putin. Nobody was happy.

Erik Bauersfeld was a radio dramatist and voice actor. He is mainly known as the voice for Admiral “It’s a Trap” Ackbar in Star Wars film Episode VI: Return of the Jedi, which later became a viral meme. He died today at the age of 93.

05 April

Has an STD test today and it came back fully clean, which was a relief especially after all that South African nonsense.

Dennis Davis was a drummer and session musician who played on such classics as David Bowie's Young Americans, Station to Station, Low, "Heroes", Lodger, and Scary Monsters; as well as Iggy Pop's The Idiot and some of Stevie Wonder's releases. He died from cancer at 64 years old today.

07 April

American Idol ends after fifteen seasons, and I was sarcastically gutted and heartbroken.

08 April

Earl Solomon Burroughs (known as Jack Hammer) was a songwriter, credited as the co-writer of Great Balls of Fire, as well as Plain Gold Ring which was on Nina Simone's 1958 debut album Little Girl Blue, later covered by Nick Cave, Kimbra, and others. He died at age 90 today.

Paul Fung, Jr. was the cartoonist who drew that semi-funny Blondie comic book for 40 years. He died today at 93.

09 April

The 2016 MTV Movie Awards tonight. Star Wars: The Force Awakens won best film, as well as two other awards. Pitch Perfect 2 and Deadpool also both won two. Fine by me!

10 April

Another one which bothered me quite a bit was the death of Dennis Howard Marks (known as Mr Nice) who was one the most famous cannabis smugglers in history, at his peak reportedly transporting as much as 30 tons at a time. He wrote a book about all this too, and I met him on one occasion. He died today from colorectal cancer at the age of 70.

Speaking of smuggling, today I smuggled my book into Stratford Library.

11 April

#Top50LegoTripTweetsOf2016 (11/50): As a single guy, I find it quite difficult to eat a whole head of lettuce before the expiry date.

12 April

Captain America: Civil War was released. The film grossed over $1.1 billion worldwide, making it the biggest 2016 earner, as well as the 12th highest-grossing film of all time.

Finished reading More Lives Than One: The Extraordinary Life of Felix Dennis by Fergus Byrne. Felix Dennis was the former 100% share holder of the company I work at, Dennis Publishing, and due to his death not so long ago, we cashed in on the man himself (just like he would have wanted). It was essential reading for me, as the dude was super fascinating and it was quite an impressive and weird rag-to-riches-tale, but I'm not sure it would entertain everyone.

David Alan Gest was an entertainer, comedian, producer and television personality. He produced the highest-rated musical television special in history (Michael Jackson: 30th Anniversary Celebration: The Solo Years in 2001) as well as appearing in I'm a Celebrity... Get Me Out of Here! and Celebrity Big Brother, plus becoming the first American to have three prime-time series in the UK. He was also married to Liza Minnelli, and died today at the age of 62 from a stroke.

13 April

Announced: Digital music sales beat physical revenues for the first time ever, due to streaming services which helped push industry revenues up for first time since 1995.

Ran 10km in one hour for the first time ever on a treadmill, something I had been trying to achieve for a while, and something I have achieved a few more times since.

15 April

Snuck my book into my company’s own library. Hehe, that was a good idea, right?

16 April

And then I snuck it into the Camden library.

17 April

Doris Roberts was an actress whose career spanned six decades of television, and will probably be best remembered by me as Marie Barone, the mother from Everybody Loves Raymond. Due to a stroke, she died at the age of 90 in her sleep today.

18 April

#Top50LegoTripTweetsOf2016 (12/50): I prayed to Jesus for strength but he never responded because Jesus spoke an ancient form of Aramaic and didn't understand what I was saying

19 April

Became a Tesco’s clubcard member cos I’m old now.

20 April

Chyna was a professional wrestler and pornographic film actress, one of which she did better than the other. After taking medication for anxiety and insomnia, she died at the age of 46.

Victoria Wood CBE was a 4-time BAFTA TV Award winning comedian, actress, singer and songwriter, screenwriter and director. She died from cancer today at the age of 62.

Guy Hamilton was a film director, best known for four James Bond movies. He died today at 93.

21 April

As big as it gets really: Today was the day Prince died at the age of 57 from an accidental overdose of fentanyl. I don't really need to tell you that he is one of the best-selling artists of all time (with over 100 million worldwide) or mention his seven Grammy Awards, Golden Globe, Academy Award, or induction into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. A proper huge loss, one of 2016's worst of the worst, and weirdly I had been listening to Purple Rain that very morning.

22 April

After 7 and a half years, close to £3K in fees, and God knows how much documentation, I attended my British Ceremony and officially became a British citizen. I guess all things considered, this was the biggest 2016 deal for me personally.

23 April

Snuck my book into the Hackney Library today. I think I did this a few more times throughout the year (including stashing them somewhere in almost every country I visited), but I'm going to stop telling you about them now.

25 April

#Top50LegoTripTweetsOf2016 (13/50): Combat the Monday Blues by calling in sick to work.

25 April

#Top50LegoTripTweetsOf2016 (14/50): We are all God’s children, but he still picks favourites.

Anniversary of the trailer park drama (see 2015). To celebrate, I sent an email to make amends with two of the people I lost in that fateful day. One gratefully accepted, one did not, but she did later on in the year, so basically, I levelled up!

03 May

At 110 years old, Frank Levingston was the oldest living man in the United States, and the oldest verified surviving American World War II veteran. Today he was no more.

#Top50LegoTripTweetsOf2016 (15/50): I have much sympathy for underprivileged people because I’m a white heterosexual male and even my life is fucking terrible.

05 May

#Top50LegoTripTweetsOf2016 (16/50): I’ve missed many great life moments whilst trying to take photos of them.

07 May

After election two days previous, Sadiq Khan becomes the Mayor of London, making him the first ethnic minority mayor, and the first Muslim to become mayor of a major Western capital. Idk, I get a good feeling about this guy.

Makiko Futaki was a key animator best known for her work at Studio Ghibli for more than thirty years. She was credited on all the best ones, such as My Neighbor Totoro, Princess Mononoke, Spirited Away, and Howl's Moving Castle. She died today at the age of 57.

14 May

The Eurovision Song Contest 2016 was won by 1944, a song by Ukrainian singer Jamala.

Met Sarah today.

15 May

André Fernand Brahic was an astrophysicist, known for his 1984 discovery of the rings of Neptune. He died today from cancer at age 73.

19 May

EgyptAir Flight 804 was a passenger flight from Paris Charles de Gaulle Airport to Cairo International Airport which crashed into the Mediterranean Sea today. All 66 people died, and it was announced in December that officials found traces of explosives on their bodies.

As a result of frontotemporal dementia, founding Beastie Boys guitarist John Berry died today at age 56. He is also credited with coming up with their name.

21 May

Went into the studio to record vocals for the first Sectlinefor song, woo. These sessions never came to light though, will explain later.

Nicholas "Nick" Menza was the Megadeth drummer who died today after succumbing to heart failure while performing with his band, OHM. He was 51.

22 May

The 2016 Billboard Music Awards took place. The Weeknd earned the most nominations with 20. Britney Spears received the Billboard Millennium Award. Celine Dion received the Billboard Icon Award. Adele and Beiber won loads too.

SAW RADIOHEAD! FUCKING RADIOHEAD! The show was incredible, one of the best of the year from pretty much my favourite band, but even more amazingly, for some reason the venue sent me an extra ticket! I mean, the gig sold out in seconds, I saw tickets selling for a grand afterwards, it was the most desirable show in London, and I got two. I gave mine away for free to my mate Adam, and I am very happy about the decision.

Angela Paton was an actress best known for her stage performances, as well as her roles in Mrs. Lancaster, The Innkeeper, Groundhog Day, and Lolita. She died of a heart attack today at 86.

#Top50LegoTripTweetsOf2016 (17/50): Don’t worry, age is just a number. An ever increasing number. One which roughly represents how much closer to death you are.

28 May

Quite a big 2016 thing right here: Harambe The Gorilla was shot when a four year old boy fell into his enclosure. A big debate followed, people blamed the parents, people claimed the gorilla was trying to protect the boy, but I thought it was the right thing to do. Regardless, the incident rose the gorilla into internet SUPERSTARDOM, probably the biggest viral meme-y icon of the year, still to this day being mourned or mentioned in some humourous way with much force.

Attended a boat party in Bristol. Was super fun and then became really messy and I woke up alone in an empty stranger's house with 5% battery. Somehow made it home, thank God.

30 May

Former Chadian President Hissène Habré gets sentenced to life in prison for crimes against humanity (including rape, sexual slavery and ordering the killing of 40,000 people) committed during his 1982 to 1990 rule, the first time an African Union-backed court convicted a former ruler of a country within its jurisdiction.

31 May

I GOT MY BRITISH PASSPORT!!!!!!!!

Misc.

One of the most beloved internet meme characters, Pepe the Frog, somehow became a symbol of race-hating white power during the 2016 United States presidential election, thanks to Trump supporters fucking everything always.

01 June

Finally I moved out of my tiny tiny room in Stratford and relocated to a muuuuuch bigger room in Leyton. The house was super sick complete with weird gadgets none of us understood, and even if my fellow housemates were complete strangers, they became real friends of mine very quickly. It definitely helped my mind clear up a bit.

After two decades of construction, The Gotthard Base Tunnel through the Alps in Switzerland is opened as the world's longest and deepest railway tunnel.

Latvia becomes the 35th member of the OECD.

02 June

Flew to Barcelona, Spain for the three-day Primavera festival! I went by myself but hung out with the most beautiful and varied groups of people, and saw such incredible bands to the likes of: LCD Soundsystem; Battles; Titus Andronicus; Savages; Radiohead (again!!!); Beirut; Autolux; Animal Collective; Beach House; Brian Wilson (playing whole of Pet Sounds!!!); Jenny Hval; Deerhunter; PJ Harvey; Sigur Ros; Action Bronson; Julia Holter; and Moderat. Loads of beach time in the sickest hostel, really was just too. fucking. cool.

The criminal case People v. Turner concluded today, with Brock Turner sentenced to six months confinement after sexually assaulting a passed out drunk girl with his fingers. Everything kind of exploded about how badly the case was treated by a bias judge, including the short jail time and how everyone focused on his promising swimming career. Personally, I get all that, but his face became so famous that his true punishment will follow him for a lot longer than many other worse criminals. I've lost friends for stating this before, but if you honestly think about it, it's true. The justice may have not been served by the legal system, but the internet has ensured these crimes will never be forgotten. He's the only rapist we spoke about really this year.

Willis Acton Pyle was an animator known for his Walt Disney work, including Pinocchio, Fantasia, and Bambi, as well as his contribution to Peanuts and his co-creation of UPA's Mr. Magoo. He died today at 101.

03 June

Another horribly big one, today Muhammad Ali died from respiratory illness at the age of 74. He is widely considered the most significant professional boxer of all time, as the only three-time lineal heavyweight champion to this day, the only boxer to be named The Ring magazine Fighter of the Year six times, as well as often rated as the highest sports personalities of the 20th century with some of the greatest fights known to man. He was also a really nice guy, my dad met him and told me so.

Manohar Aich was the second Indian to win any Mr. Universe title, and he died today at 104.

06 June

Kevin Ferguson (better known as Kimbo Slice) was a mixed martial artist, undefeated boxer and occasional actor. He became known for mutual combat street fights thanks to the interwebz, Rolling Stone even calling him "The King of the Web Brawlers". He died a short time later of heart failure at age 42.

Had planned to kill myself on this day quite a while earlier (proof being by this Tweet I ominously posted on the 15th September 2015), stupidly encouraged by the 06/06/16 date (hail Satan) but also because I wasn't coping. Thankfully, after Barcelona and moving into a much nicer place, I decided against it, and I'm still here, writing blogs just for you. Really embarrassing actually, don't talk to me about it.

08 June

After about three years of the practice, today I stopped posting my Song of the Week thing, and I had more time because of it.

09 June

#Top50LegoTripTweetsOf2016 (18/50): The most exciting part of developing a new crush is seeing how fast I can completely fuck it up and then comparing the results to last time.

10 June

Christina Victoria Grimmie was a singer and YouTuber known for her participation in the NBC singing competition The Voice, finishing third. Today, she was shot four times by a fan whilst signing autographs, the gunman killing himself soon afterwards. She was 22.

12 June

Today, security guard Omar Mateen killed 49 people and wounded 53 others in a terrorist attack/hate crime inside Pulse, a gay nightclub in Orlando, Florida. After a three hour standoff, he was shot and killed, leaving the deadliest mass shooting by a single shooter, the deadliest incident of violence against LGBT people in U.S. history, and the deadliest terrorist attack in the U.S. since the September 11 attacks in 2001.

Janet Marie Waldo was a voice actress best known for voicing Judy Jetson, Penelope Pitstop, and Josie in Josie and the Pussycats. A benign but inoperable brain tumor took her 96 year old life today.

Mihaly "Michu" Meszaros was an actor best remembered as a Ringling Bros performer and the small dude on the Doors' Strange Days cover, but even more so, the man in the Alf costume from the popular TV show. After suffering numerous health issues, he died today at age 76.

13 June

Today, a police officer and his wife were stabbed to death by an ISIS militant in their home, France. Larossi Abballa was the already convicted killer, said to be sponsored by ISIL.

#Top50LegoTripTweetsOf2016 (19/50): If I had one wish, I’d wish to be better than everyone at everything.

14 June

Henry Campbell Liken McCullough was a guitarist best known for his work as a member of Spooky Tooth and Paul McCartney & Wings. He died at age 72 today.

#Top50LegoTripTweetsOf2016 (20/50): My favourite part of going on a date is when the girl asks me if I’m gay and then I realise it wasn’t a date.

15 June

Launched the best short story I've ever written, named Antacid Soda Pop. Still fills me with pride, this one does.

16 June

Helen Joanne "Jo" Cox was a British Labour Party politician, fatally shot and stabbed outside the library in Birstall, West Yorkshire. Result of the upcoming Brexit mania, surely.

#Top50LegoTripTweetsOf2016 (21/50): *three spoons of coffee for the kick*
*four spoons of sugar for the taste*
*skimmed milk for the health*

20 June

Went to three hipster gym classes in three consecutive days, namely Bike &amp Beats (where you ride your bikes to an emcee, weird); Rave (where you jump on trampolines with glowsticks, stupid); and Vinyasa Flow Yoga (which was really nice and my first yoga ever). Health!

22 June

Launched the music video for my Coming Down Happy song The Best Stitches I Ever had. It's cool in the way that I did everything myself without leaving my room, but it's also pretty shit and weird. At least it had some merit, standing as the only Funpowder Plot and only Coming Down Happy related piece from this year. Don't watch it.

The last videocassette recorder ever made is done, manufactured by Funai.

The Stooges officially announce their break up. For the third time.

Despite kicking around for a few years, today VictorLictor submitted the term "doggo" to Urban Dictionary, defined as "a big ol pupper" and it kind of went on from there.

23 June

Armed with my new fancy passport, I voted against the UK leaving the EU.

Today a jury ruled that the opening guitar arpeggios of Led Zeppelin's Stairway to Heaven did not copyright infringe Spirit's song Taurus. They do sound fucking similar though.

24 June

Brexit wins the vote with 51.89% leave, 48.11% remain. Such bullshit. Democracy doesn't work. This should have never been up to the people. A very sad day. Embarked on a 10 day drinking binge. David Cameron resigned as Prime Minister.

Kanye West released his video for Famous, probably the coolest music vid of the year. It featured the post-orgy sleeping bodies of George W. Bush, Donald Trump, Anna Wintour, Rihanna, Chris Brown, Kanye, Kim Kardashian, Ray J., Amber Rose, Caitlyn Jenner, Bill Cosby, and of course, Taylor Swift, the last of which was already throwing a fuss about the lyric dissing her. It's pretty funny, poor girl.

In my continuous search for inner peace and to shut the voices up, my three session stint with a "thought guide" started today. It's like therapy, but more hippie, and it definitely helped.

George Bernard "Bernie" Worrell, Jr. was a keyboardist known as a founding member of Parliament-Funkadelic as well as his work with Talking Heads. He is a member of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, and was described by The New York Times as "the kind of sideman who is as influential as some bandleaders." He died from lung cancer at age 72 today.

26 June

Solar Impulse 2 becomes the first solar-powered aircraft to circumnavigate the Earth.

28 June

A terrorist attack of shootings and suicide bombings took place at Atatürk Airport in Istanbul, Turkey. 45 people were killed, 230 were injured, and weirdly, no one claimed responsibility for the attack.

Winfield Scott "Scotty" Moore III was a guitarist and recording engineer, best known for backing Elvis Presley back in the day, performing on Hound Dog, Heartbreak Hotel, and Blue Suede Shoes. Some have called him the inventor of power chording with Jailhouse Rock, Rolling Stone called him the 29th Greatest Guitarist of All Time, he was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, and was said to be the primary influence on Keith Richards. He died at age 84 today.

29 June

Two days previous, I finished reading the Quran, and today I launched an extensive review of the text named I Read The Quran So You Don't Have To. People really appreciated it, especially my Muslim friends, and I felt like I had done my small part for their belief.

01 July

Went to British Summer Time Festival as a spontaneous thing. Saw TV on the Radio, Patti Smith (!!), Warpaint, and Massive Attack. NOT BAD.

Robin St. Clair Rimington Hardy was the director for The Wicker Man. He died today, 86.

02 July

After 10 days of hard drinking and bad eating concluding with a hot tub party, I fell very ill and foolishly posted about it on Facebook. My work weren't happy, and this conflict caused me to block most of my colleagues for an extended period of time. Was an awkwards.

03 July

Noel Darleen Neill was an actress best know as one of the most recognisable Lois Lanes in the 1940s/1950s Superman movies and TV series. Following an extended illness, she died today at the age of 95.

04 July

Brexit woes continue as the dick wanker Nigel Farage resigns as the UKIP leader, stating he had "fulfilled his political ambitions". Suck my balls.

05 July

Janine "Nine" Culliford was a colorist of comic strips. The coolest thing she did was decide the Smurfs should be blue. She died today at the age of 86.

06 July

Pokémon GO app is released and the world crumbles around it.

07 July

Micah Xavier Johnson shot up and killed five police officers and injured nine other in Dallas, Texas. It was racially motivated, the man stating that he wanted to kill all white people especially white police officers due to all the recent black killings by cops. The shooting was the deadliest incident for U.S. law enforcement since the terrorist attacks of September 11. They eventually killed him with a bomb attached to a remote control robot, the first time such a robot has been used to get someone by law enforcement.

08 July

Spice Girls get back together. Sorta. Three of the members at least, Geri, Emma, and Mel B. They became known as The Spice Girls - GEM. I do not support.

Goldie Michelson was a supercentenarian who, at age 113 years, 335 days, was the oldest living person in the United States. No longer though, she died today.

09 July

Gladys Hermiston-Hooper was the oldest living person in the United Kingdom, until she died today at age 113 years, 173 days.

11 July

Theresa Mary May succeeds Cameron as the UK’s new Prime Minister. Not quite sure how I feel about it, but I'm leaning towards not-so-good.

13 July

It was my little sister Jaclyn's 30th birthday today, so I made her this picture.

This may seem like a useless post, but after taking care of my friend's chilli plant and watching it grow, today I harvested it and ate loads of chillis for days. Think I'm ready for a baby now!

Today was that shitty day when that lorry driver smashed into the Bastille Day celebrations in Nice, killing 84 people including 10 children. The terrorism vs. mental illness debate was quick to follow.

Stranger Things hits Netflix and general conversation changed as a result.

16 July

Boruch Alan Bermowitz, known professionally as Alan Vega, was the vocalist for Suicide. After health troubles, he died at 78. His death was announced by Henry Rollins.

17 July

Frederick "Fred" Tomlinson was the guy who wrote the Monty Python Lumberjack Song. He died today at age 88.

19 July

Donald Trump's wife Melania gave a speech at the Republican national convention, and it was almost a line for line plagiarism of Michelle Obama's speech delivered at the 2008 Democratic convention. It's actually ridiculous, is this the real life? Watch.

Due to an excess of free codes from new signees, my whole team got free lunch from UberEats for about a week around here. It was actually hard to pay for lunch afterwards.

Garry Kent Masciarelli (better known as Garry Marshall) did lots of stuff, like creating Happy Days (and its various spin-offs), and directing Pretty Woman, Runaway Bride, Valentine's Day, New Year's Eve, Mother's Day, The Princess Diaries, and The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement. Today he died at the age of 81 due to complications of pneumonia after suffering a stroke.

21 July

Went to Secret Garden Party festival for three days! It was really good, met some great new friends, partied hard, saw Caribou, and actually had quite a few self realisation moments, one of which is coming up shortly...

22 July

The 2016 Democratic National Committee email leak was a collection of emails published by WikiLeaks today, which discussed ways to undermine Bernie Sanders to help Hillary Clinton win the primaries for the upcoming election stuff.

After countless lies and unfulfilled promises, my band fires our producer Valery, and decide to record our debut album ourselves. It was the best decision we've made thus far.

The iconic tree featured in the 1994 motion picture The Shawshank Redemption was split by lightening in 2011 and finally fell down due to winds around today. It was at least 100 feet tall and 180 - 200 years old.

24 July

Ok, so on the way back from SGP, I felt really inspired but also realised my life was not quite where I wanted it to be. That's when I got the following epiphany: what am I good at? Projects! So instead of focusing my exclusive attention on creative endeavours, I should split my life up into categories (health, relationships, home, work, and self), and then balance my time accordingly. There is a lot more to this, and it has evolved substantially since then, but I tell you I was grinning the whole drive home, frantically typing ideas into my phone, unbeknown to my fellow passengers. It continues to serve me very well, was a turning point of my year, and I will write a self help book about it once I have perfected the method. Yay!

26 July

Samuel Clarke "Sandy" Pearlman did loads of fancy music things, including founding, writing for, producing, or co-producing many LPs by Blue Öyster Cult, as well as producing albums by The Clash and founding eMusic.com. He died today from pneumonia/stroke-related complications at the age of 72.

27 July

John Burton "Jack" Davis, Jr. was best known as one of founding cartoonists for Mad in 1952. He died today at age 91.

As part of my quest to become a happier chappie, I went to the doctor to get a professional opinion. She told me to stop drinking so much and sent me on my way. I was offended but in my heart I knew this was true. Didn't really follow her advice that much though.

05 Aug

The 2016 Summer Olympics kicked off today in Rio. There was a lot of controversy surrounding the government and safety concerns, but it seemed to go ok. The United States topped the table with 46 golds and 121 medals overall, including its 1000th Olympic gold medal. Great Britain came second and became the first country in the history of the modern Olympics to increase its tally of medals in the subsequent games after being the host nation. China was third. Host country Brazil won seven gold. Fiji, Jordan, Kosovo, Puerto Rico, Singapore, Tajikistan, and Vietnam each won their first gold medals.

06 Aug

Sia became the first female artist over 40 years old to have a number one song, with Cheap Thrills. Madonna was the last in 2000.

For my friend Anna's birthday, we went and watched Temples at Caught by the River Thames 2016 Festival. Her boyfriend and our friend Adam plays in the band, which made it extra nice.

08 Aug

8 years in London today, having landed here on 08/08/08.

#Top50LegoTripTweetsOf2016 (24/50): I enjoy going to the gym because it’s the only public place where a grown man can lie on the floor and cry without being bothered.

09 Aug

#Top50LegoTripTweetsOf2016 (25/50): I’ve started to yell empowering feminist messages to pretty girls on the street just to confuse the situation.

11 Aug

#Top50LegoTripTweetsOf2016 (26/50): Live each day so well that you’ll share the Facebook memory a year from now.

12 Aug

Round about here, the mayor of Cannes banned the Burkini (a Muslim burka/bikini hybrid) citing links to Islamic extremism, and many other French towns followed. The whole world freaked until France's highest administrative court banned the ban. Another small victory for the peoples.

#Top50LegoTripTweetsOf2016 (27/50): GOD: And here we have the anus, where a waste byproduct of digested matter is excreted as dead bacteria to...
MAN: I wanna put my dick in it.

13 Aug

Me and my boy Ammr have our first of many many secret meetings about a project we are working on. Stay tuned? God, I hope so.

Kenneth George "Kenny" Baker was a actor best known for portraying R2-D2 in the Star Wars movie franchise. He died today just eleven days shy of his 82nd birthday, following some brief illness.

14 Aug

I went to hot yoga for the first time at a place called Fierce Grace. It was so intense! I loved it!

James Joseph Woolley was the keyboard/synthesizer player for Nine Inch Nails during some of their bigger tours. He was 49 when he died today.

15 Aug

Started recording vocals for my band Sectlinefor's debut album today, which became a regular thing for the next two months until we got it all done by ourselves :)

Throughout the year, wildfires burnt up California, on this day nearly 85,000 people were evacuated from their homes due to the danger. To date, 6,938 fires have burned 565,070 acres, 26 million trees or so have died, as well as 7 humans.

17 Aug

#Top50LegoTripTweetsOf2016 (29/50): I love the terms “homophobia”, “Islamophobia” & “xenophobia” as they highlight themselves as fears. As weaknesses. As flaws to be ashamed of

18 Aug

Flew away to Ibiza for a few days! It was less druggy ravey than you'd expect, instead went there to celebrate my mate Little Ash's 30th birthday. Highlights include: visiting the castle, crashing out on the beach, Zootopia club (the best!), kissing some random girl, Ocean Beach club, and visiting Es Vedra island, reportedly the third most magnetic point in the world, holy birthplace of the Phoenician goddess Tanit, claimed as the tip of the sunken civilisation of Atlantis, known as one of the more common places for UFO sightings, very fucking beautiful.

Machali was a Bengal tigress who lived in Ranthambore National Park in India. She played a key role in the regeneration of the tiger population in the park, known as the Queen Mother of Tigers. But she was not well, and had already lost almost all her teeth, her sight in one eye, and her territory. Due to her fame, the zookeepers fed her themselves, which helped her live much longer than most (20 years rather than the standard 10 - 15), but today she died, cremated in a traditional Hindu ritual.

19 Aug

The night tube on the Central and Victoria line opens in London! 24 hour travel weekends, hooray!

Louis Jay "Lou" Pearlman was an evil record producer for such bands as Backstreet Boys and NSYNC. He was later accused of running one of the largest Ponzi schemes in history, leaving more than $300 million in debts. He was sentenced up to 25 years in prison in 2008, but never got that far, dying today from cardiac arrest at age 62.

22 Aug

Michael Leader was an actor funnily known as the Stormtrooper in the original Star Wars film who walks into a door. He died today at age 78.

24 Aug

From here until now, the Syrian Civil War went crazy with Turkish Armed Forces and Syrian rebels crossing over the Syrian border to take Jarabulus from ISIS.

25 Aug

#Top50LegoTripTweetsOf2016 (30/50): In a world full of Justin Biebers, just be the best Justin Bieber you can be.

26 Aug

Went to Rough Trade and to my surprise, Glass Animals were there signing their new album. I was pissed off. So many people in my way. I just wanted to buy a vinyl, man.

28 Aug

The 2016 MTV Video Music Awards today. Adele's "Hello" video was nominated seven times. Beyoncé led the nominations with a total of eleven, winning 8, and becoming the artist with the most number of VMAs ever, 24, passing Madonna's previous record of 20. The girls are taking over!

29 Aug

Due to an upcoming marathon thing, I decided the best training I could do was to quit drinking, and I did from now until the 24th September.

Finished reading The 120 Days of Sodom by Marquis de Sade. It was exactly what it said it was, by far the most fucked up disturbing thing I've ever read, took a while to reset to normal afterwards, and in that way, actually really good.

Gene Wilder was an actor best known as Willy Wonka in Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory, but he did loads of other cool roles too. He died today at the age of 83 from Alzheimer's disease complications.

30 Aug

#Top50LegoTripTweetsOf2016 (31/50): "Did you say M? As in, M for ‘Mickey’?”
“No, N, as in N for...”
*can suddenly only literally think of one word beginning with N*

During August, massive rainfall in the U.S. state of Louisiana caused catastrophic flooding, causing $10-15 billion in property damage and killing 13 people.

Is this news? Around here, various reports began to flood in about clowns sighted all around the world, just kind of standing there, being creepy.

01 Sep

Surrendered to the ancient trend of #ThrowbackThursdays on Instagram today because obviously I have time.

02 Sep

Me and some of the best people I know cracked the Crystal Maze today! Was way too much fun, especially considering I was still sober.

#Top50LegoTripTweetsOf2016 (32/50): If you’re ever feeling useless and want to give up, just remember that Myspace still sends out a monthly newsletter.

03 Sep

Was honoured today, not only to attend the first Mensvreters show ever, but also because I was a part of it as they ripped my guts out. Look out for this band, they're going places.

As they are responsible for 40% of the world's carbon emissions, the US and China sign the Paris global climate agreement today.

04 Sep

Finished reading The Hepatitis Bathtub and Other Stories by NOFX. Was one of the most insane autobiographies I've ever read, could even be top 3 best, very hectic.

06 Sep

#Top50LegoTripTweetsOf2016 (33/50): "OMG, Pokemon Go is as addictive as smoking crack!” - someone who has obviously never smoked crack.

07 Sep

The 2016 Summer Paralympics rolled around today, which included two new sports: canoeing and the paratriathlon. China won the most medals with 239.

After looking into some drug-related deaths, the London club Fabric's licence was revoked and the venue was shut down. I had only been there once, but when considering our city has lost 50% of its nightclubs since 2008, it was fucking bullshit.

iPhone 7 and iPhone 7 Plus were announced, which included new colours, water resistance, dust resistance, and a new capacitive home key, all of which was relatively boring. However, in a ballsy move that caused uproar, they also removed the headphone jack, something I actually agree with as these heavyweights use their influence to push towards a more wireless world.

09 Sep

North Korea conduct their fifth and biggest nuclear test. World leaders call it "maniacal recklessness".

10 Sep

After asking Merle Allin (GG Allin's brother) on Facebook if he was broke cos he insisted on selling all his memorabilia. He told me to get a clue. Sweet!

12 Sep

A crowdfunding campaign raised £23,000 and replaced all the Clapham tube adverts with pictures of cats. These are the kind of things that restore faith in humanity.

13 Sep

New plastic five quid notes came into circulation. People sold them on eBay for thousands. It also soon came to light that they contained animal byproducts, to which the vegan/veggies got upset about, and I also thought was a bit dicky.

I broke many of my running and rollerblading records in 2016 (most of which you can marvel over on Strava) but running 15.4km in 1h46m today was probably my best work.

Recorded vocals for Sectlinefor's debut album? Done.

14 Sep

As my work is owned by the Heart of England forest charity, I took the day off to go help the growth of some of the trees. It was extremely rewarding. I also got to check out some private artworks once owned by the late Felix Dennis himself. Apparently, many of these pieces used to dwell in his S&M room, so who knows the horrors they have seen.

15 Sep

Finished reading I'm with the Band: Confessions of a Groupie by Pamela Des Barres. Wasn't the greatest autobiography in the world, but damn, this girl has seen some high quality dick. She also writes really well, so no regerts.

Skepta’s Konnichiwa wins Mercury Prize 2016, which is probably the stupidest fucking win any artist has ever had in their history. Thank God I forgot to bet.

#Top50LegoTripTweetsOf2016 (34/50): If you live your life to the fullest every single day, there will be more opportunity for things to go wrong.

19 Sep

#Top50LegoTripTweetsOf2016 (35/50): My standards are way out of my league.

Special friend visited me in London and we made sexuals, don't tell anyone.

21 Sep

Had yet another mini-Bowie day today, where I went to the Silhouettes And Shadows photo exhibition, revisited (and wrote next to) the Brixton mural, and went and checked out his birth house again. *sigh*

24 Sep

Partook in the Tough Mudder obstacle marathon thing! Wasn't as tough as I'd thought but still pretty hardcore. More than anything, though, soooo much fun. I'd do it again. Plus I could start drinking again!

26 Sep

The first U.S. presidential debate. Clinton definitely seemed to beat Trump, but yeah.

Finished reading White Line Fever: The Autobiography by Lemmy Kilmister. It had its flaws, but all in all, I felt much closer to the dude, definitely found some additional respect for his life, and mourned his loss more than ever.

Toughie (the last known living Rabbs' fringe-limbed treefrog) died today at the age of 12.

#Top50LegoTripTweetsOf2016 (36/50): I’m planning to be more spontaneous.

27 Sep

Adele’s 25 gets certified as Diamond, meaning it has sold 10 million copies, one of only 79 albums in history, one of which also being her 2011 offering 21. Before all of this, the last album to do so was Nelly’s Country Grammar which took 16 years. She did it in less than one.

The Crown Prosecution Service announces that Cliff Richard will not be prosecuted over sex offence claims. Yay! Not my Cliff!

#Top50LegoTripTweetsOf2016 (37/50): ME EVERY MORNING: A brand new day! Anything could happen! This could be the best day of my life!!!
ME EVERY NIGHT: What the fuck was that.

28 Sep

My second short story of the year was released today, namely Eating Shit. I quite liked it!

World carbon dioxide levels exceed 400ppm which is higher than any time in human history.

Hurricane Matthew formed today, as an extremely destructive tropical cyclone, the first Category 5 Atlantic hurricane since Hurricane Felix in 2007, running over parts of Haiti, Cuba, Dominican Republic and Lucayan Archipelago, the southeastern United States, and the Canadian Maritimes, fucking up about $10.58 billion worth of shit and murdering over 1,600 people in its 13 day reign. Pretty big.

30 Sep

Two stolen paintings by Vincent Van Gogh (Seascape at Scheveningen and Congregation Leaving the Reformed Church in Nuenen) were recovered, with a combined value of $100 million.

01 Oct

Finally bought a record player! Makes sense!

05 Oct

Michiyo Yasuda was an animator who designed the colouring for every Studio Ghibli that matters. She died today at age 77.

#Top50LegoTripTweetsOf2016 (38/50): I want a girlfriend so she can pay half my rent.

07 Oct

Went to a Bowie art thing at Hornsey Town Hall which was kind of like secret cinema, with actors who played different people in Bowie's life and even had an EXCELLENT cover band who played Bowie's Ziggy classics. The sheer volume of available bars was great too, but the conversation was even better.

Speaking of which, just search for Bowie's name in this blog. DO IT. There are theories that his death is the very reason why the planet seemed to fall apart at its very fibre this year. Undoubtedly his death was the biggest celebrity related incident in my bubble, which is why I am ecstatic to posthumously name my God as the King of 2016. Godspeed Spaceman.

09 Oct

Finished watching every single episode of Archer. Character wise, the best show I've ever seen.

12 Oct

Robert Bateman was a songwriter responsible for co-wroting such hits as "Please Mr. Postman" and "If You Need Me", the type of styles that have since been covered by the Beatles and the Carpenters. His 80 year old heart was attacked today.

13 Oct

Off to Berlin for a few days! It was the best thing ever, I can't even explain, Berlin is who I am as a city. We went to the clubs Sisyphos, Renate (the best one!), and a select few of us got into notorious Berghain, which was interesting. We checked out the Wall. We checked out the graffiti. We drank A LOT. It was the best trip ever, with the carefully selected best people I could have ever spent any time with. LOVE.

Today it was announced that Bob Dylan would received the Nobel Prize in Literature, making him the only person besides George Bernard Shaw to win both this and an Oscar. At first nobody could get hold of him, people got upset, but eventually he acknowledged the honour and said he was chuffed. Love you Dylan!

Due to Brexit destroying our economy, Tesco claimed they could no longer come to an affordable deal with Marmite, and complete anarchy followed. Eventually they sorted it out, which was a goddamn relief, let me tell you.

14 Oct

#Top50LegoTripTweetsOf2016 (39/50): "Oh my God, people are so friendly here!" - every Londoner when they are literally anywhere other than London.

16 Oct

Today was my birthday. As previously stated, I was in Berlin. Probably the best birthday I have ever had ever ever.
Can I also note here that my New years resolution for 2016 was to not miss a flight. And I succeeded! :D

Valerie Hunter Gordon was the inventor of the world's first disposable nappy, and an early sanitary towel system. She today at the age of 94.

Went and watched Poliça. They were album quality great, the two drummer aspect is impressive.

21 Oct

Via Facebook I asked my favourite female rapper, Kitty, if it was terrible that I preferred her hip hop stuff to her new poppy crap. She responded that it was “not terrible i just don’t care”. I love her.

23 Oct

Peter Jozzeppi "Pete" Burns founded the pop band Dead or Alive in 1980, who had that sick hit You Spin Me Round (Like a Record) in the 80s. He died today following a cardiac arrest at the age of 57.

24 Oct

#Top50LegoTripTweetsOf2016 (40/50): Forgetfulness has taught me that you can get through life without having to say anyone’s name out loud ever.

26 Oct

The Mannequin Challenge is one of the coolest viral video things of the year, where a group of people pretend to be frozen as the camera moves around them, and today the earliest known example was uploaded to Twitter. Since then, many celebrities have jumped on board with their own versions such as Adele, Destiny's Child, Britney Spears, Paul McCartney, Taylor Swift, Hillary Clinton, and Ellen DeGeneres to name a few. We even did one at work.

Twitter kills Vine whaaaaa.

30 Oct

Earthquakes smacked up Italy multiple times in the last few months, but this third one was the biggest, at 6.6, the country's worst in 36 years. All in all, 3 people died, dozens were injured, and roughly 100,000 were left homeless.

Misc.

Protests began in October against the Dakota Access Pipeline which was set to be built to transfer energy, by running pipes through the Standing Rock Indian Reservation. Such a move worried natives and alike as to what havoc this would cause to the environment. By December, under President Barack Obama's administration, the construction of the pipeline under the Missouri River was denied, so... victory? We will see?

01 Nov

At some point here, Glamour named Bono "Woman of the Year", which makes sense because obviously the white man needs more respect in this world *rolling eyes emoji*

04 Nov

Had a mini-Berlin reunion at Viktor Wynd Museum, surrounded by such inspiring artefacts to the likes of Russel Brand's pubes, David Bowie's hair, and Amy Winehouse/Kylie Minogue's poo. I also ate a scorpion, a grasshopper, and some worms, which I'm not sure really abides by the vegetarian ethos, but at least now I know. Speaking of which, I had my two year veggieversary two days later.

06 Nov

Today, Twitter user @aaannnnyyyyaaaa tweeted an image of Kermit the Frog talking to the Sith version of himself, and one of my favourite memes of the year, Evil Kermit, sprung into action, almost all of them full of win.

Another disgustingly heartbreaking death from 2016 was that of Leonard Norman Cohen, a legendary singer, songwriter, musician, poet, novelist, and painter. He died at age 82 today from cancer. What a massive bleak out, but at least his last album was one of his best.

09 Nov

And just like Brexit, today was the day we awoke to find the world was truly not as together as we may have assumed, as Donald Trump won the election to become the 45th president of the United States. We are all going to die very soon.

A tram travelling at at almost four times the speed limit crashed in Croydon, killing seven people.

Today was #HugATree day at work, where we hugged trees. In fact, everyone who submitted a photo of them doing so got a tree planted for them. Perks of the job! I also had a big hand in rushing together the website for the whole idea, so I felt pretty stoked. Heal the world.

#Top50LegoTripTweetsOf2016 (41/50): Believe in God? Don’t worry! This was always part of his plan.
Don’t believe in God? Don’t worry! Life is meaningless and nothing matters.

11 Nov

#Top50LegoTripTweetsOf2016 (42/50): I have nipple rings because if I ever need to take a day off work, I have two perfect accidents just waiting to happen.

14 Nov

Studio Ghibli's Hayao Miyazaki announces he’s coming out of retirement for, what, like the 4th time now? He wants to finish Boro the Caterpillar as his final film, and I for one could not be happier.

The 7.8 Kaikoura earthquake hit New Zealand today. Two people died.

15 Nov

"Post-Truth" becomes the Oxford Dictionary’s Word of 2016. It's defined as when something becomes less than accurate after the deed materialises, like Brexit or Trump. I feel this is a fair and relevant choice.

The 2016 Southeastern United States wildfires were reported to have burned about 90,000 acres by this point, leaving 14 dead.

16 Nov

The second potentially regular (but first of its kind) music blog was launched today, namely The 20 Best Lyrics of 2016. This was also THE ONE HUNDREDTH JUICE NOTHING ARTICLE EVER!! :D

17 Nov

#Top50LegoTripTweetsOf2016 (43/50): *scrolling through girl’s profile pictures*
Damn, look how hot she is!
*passes one using the Snapchat bunny filter*
It would never work tho.

18 Nov

Finished reading The 4-Hour Work Week: Escape the 9-5, Live Anywhere and Join the New Rich by Timothy Ferriss. Bold title, but definitely convinced me it was possible by the end, and has inspired a few ideas which are already nagging at my routine.

Sharon Lafaye Jones was the lead singer of Sharon Jones & The Dap-Kings, and I am a big fan. I especially like the fact that she only released her first record when she was 40 years old, which gives me hope. She passed today at age 60 after a long struggle with bile duct cancer. Near the end, she joked that the news of Donald Trump's victory was responsible for her recent stroke.

19 Nov

Finished watching every episode of Black Mirror. OH MY FUCK, that shit messed me up big time, best series I've seen since Breaking Bad.

20 Nov

The 44th Annual American Music Awards tonight. Ariana Grande won artist of the year. The viewings fell 31% from 2015, the lowest in the show's history.

21 Nov

Fabric strikes a deal with Islington Council, and with backing from the Mayor, they are to re-open with much harsher rules. Pretty cool though!

Florence Agnes Henderson was a six decade strong actress, best known as Carol Brady from The Brady Bunch, 1969 to 1974. She died today from heart failure at age 82.

25 Nov

Fidel Alejandro Castro Ruz was a revolutionary who governed Cuba as Prime Minister from 1959 to 1976 and then as President from 1976 to 2008. Under his administration, Cuba became a one-party socialist state. He died today at age 90 for reasons unknown. Is it shameful to confess that I thought he was dead already?

26 Nov

Despite enjoying my time in Leyton, our contract ran out, which became one of the best things ever, as I moved in with my #1 accomplice Ammr. We now live in the sickest place, Pudding Mill Lane, and seriously, this aspect of my life could not be better. It's truly one of the sickest things of 2016, it's like everyday I wake up with a rainbow in my room, even if we didn't have internet for almost 3 weeks D:

Joe Corre, son of Sex Pistols manager Malcolm McLaren and fashion designer Dame Vivienne Westwood, burns roughly £5m worth of Sex Pistols memorabilia. His excuse? "Punk was never meant to be nostalgic". To be fair, it was actually quite a punk rock move and pretty rad.

28 Nov

LaMia Flight 2933 crashed in Colombia today killing 71 of the 77 people on board. Most of the victims were from the Brazilian Chapecoense football squad. Apparently it ran out of fuel, which should have been the first thing they checked before take off.

Around here, the One Finger Selfie Challenge appeared, a fad where the participant takes a nude mirror selfie whilst trying to cover up their bits with just one finger. It's not very common, but damn, I like it.

05 Dec

Finished reading The Death of Bunny Munro by Nick Cave. I guess that he's not a full time author was somewhat obvious, but damn, this book stayed with me. I am such a fan, and this just proved his endless talent.

06 Dec

After listening to 450 albums released in 2016 (all of which at least 3 times), I stopped taking in new orders on this date, thank God.

Went and watched Red Hot Chili Peppers again! And as I was with the best people, I really felt the love. Great show.

Despite having a long successful career as a TV and film actor, I think most of my generation would recognise Peter Vaughan as Maester Aemon in Game of Thrones. He died today at age 93.

07 Dec

Gregory Stuart "Greg" Lake was a musician best known as a founding member of King Crimson and ELP. He died after suffering from cancer, at the age of 69, just like various others from the year.

Robert Alan "Bob" Krasnow was a music industry entrepreneur, founding Blue Thumb Records, chairing Elektra Records, and co-founding the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. He died today at age 82.

12 Dec

#Top50LegoTripTweetsOf2016 (47/50): The best argument for atheism is Mondays.

14 Dec

#Top50LegoTripTweetsOf2016 (48/50): Don’t forget to put additional o’s into your looool to let people know you found the thing extra funny.

15 Dec

In response to everyone's concerns over fake news being spread around Facebook, the company launches a factchecking code which lets you know when an article had been flagged as a possible hoax. Good move, Zuckers.

At some point in December, the Syrian government achieved full control of Aleppo again since the battle started in 2012. Christmas was celebrated in the capitol later this month, for the first time in four years.

18 Dec

Around here, artwork for Sectlinefor's album and singles started to coming out. I made them, so obviously they're extra cool. Check out Anorexic Insect and Birthmark Photograph by clicking on their names, obvz.

19 Dec

Andrei Gennadyevich Karlov was the Russian Ambassador to Turkey. Today, while speaking at an art gallery exhibition in Ankara, Karlov was assassinated by Mevlüt Mert Altıntaş, an off-duty Turkish policeman. It was televised. Many fear what happens next.

Another terrorist attack happened today, this time in Berlin as a truck was driven into a Christmas market, killing 12 people and injuring 56 others. ISIL claimed responsibility.

Two of Sectlinefor's tracks appeared on Soundcloud. Yay! That's me, I'm the singer, mama!

Was my work's Christmas Party today. The theme was Parisian. I went as a French Kiss haaaa.

#Top50LegoTripTweetsOf2016 (49/50): Urinals are the only place where it's acceptable to whip your dick out between 2 strangers who are having a conversation and start urinating

21 Dec

Always my most praised and hardest worked on blog was released today, The Top 50 Albums of 2016. Response was loving as always, and I'm happy with it, even if this year felt a bit more difficult, was released a bit late, and made me consider retiring the idea.

You know, I've lost friends before because of mentioning names and getting too personal in these Dear blogs before, but for my own record, today THAT THING happened, Jared. Well done.

22 Dec

A study discovers that the VSV-EBOV vaccine is 70-100% against the Ebola virus, the first proven vaccine against the disease. Well that's good.

23 Dec

#Top50LegoTripTweetsOf2016 (50/50): My mates are always like “bros before hoes” but then they won’t let me sleep with them.

24 Dec

Richard George Adams was best known as the author of Watership Down, Shardik and The Plague Dogs. He died today at age 96.

Richard John "Rick" Parfitt, OBE was a musician, best known for being a singer, songwriter and rhythm guitarist in the rock band Status Quo. He was 68 when he died today from Sepsis, following an infection of a pre-existing shoulder injury.

25 Dec

Xmas!! Was pretty cool, two fellow orphan mates came over to my place and we got well smashed, plus my mommy and sister sent me some book presents in the mail! Thanks for asking.

This one stings. Georgios Kyriacos Panayiotou (George Michael), was known as one part of the musical duo Wham! but even more so for his incredible solo work. He's sold more than 100 million records worldwide, achieved seven number one singles in the UK and eight number one hits on the Billboard Hot 100, was ranked as the 40th-most successful artist ever, won three Brit Awards, four MTV Video Music Awards, four Ivor Novello Awards, three American Music Awards, and two Grammy Awards from eight nominations. He also did a lot for the LGBT community and various charities. He was found dead on Christmas day at age 53, the cause isn't currently publicly known, but heart failure seems to be the most common theory. RIP George, kinda fucked my Xmas up tbh.

Today, a Tupolev Tu-154 jetliner of the Russian Defence Ministry crashed into the Black Sea, killing all 92 passengers, including 64 members of the Alexandrov Ensemble choir of the Russian Armed Force. Looks like it was some mechanical fault, but no one really knows just yet.

27 Dec

Another massive end of year insult was the death of Carrie Frances Fisher, a massive icon known for primarily playing Princess Leia in the Star Wars film series, but she did a lot of other stuff too including writing books and openly speaking about mental health issues. On December the 23rd, she stopped breathing on a plane, was hospitalised, and passed away today at age 60, official cause of death: drowning in moonlight, strangled by her own bra.

Now I've thought about this a lot, and I've decided to crown Carrie Fisher as the Queen of 2016. The reasons are many, but most importantly is that Star Wars has kind of exploded back into mainstream consciousness, and while there have been a few other Star Wars related deaths in recent years, nothing could beat the leading lady who was most of my friends' first love. It just seems fair that she goes on her way as Juice Nothing royalty. It's the least I could do for the Princess, really.

28 Dec

One day after her daughter Carrie, Debbie Reynolds passed away at age 84 after suffering a stroke. She was also a successful actress herself, nominated for various Golden Globe Awards, a Best Actress Academy Award, and even winning the Jean Hersholt Humanitarian Oscar last year. Sad and kind of beautiful, in a way. They are together now.

30 Dec

Released this very blog article, and you got all the way to the end. Well done you! Well done me!

As per usual, I come to the end of this type of letter exhausted and unsure as to why I insist on writing these fucking things. I guess I felt like if I didn't, 2016, you'd tell 2017 that I didn't treat you fairly, and then I'd well be in trouble. I'd be cursed! I'm very superstitious in that way.

I'm also quite self centered in another way, but this is my blog, and the very fundamental basis of blogs is a bit of narcissism, isn't it? So let's talk about me for a while. I feel like I did good this year, and I thank you for your helping hand. My self-published book really grew a life of its own and I was horrified as to how many times I had to talk about it to people. My band recorded a whole album which is literally just about to drop before 2017 has the time to even say "terrorist attack". I wrote 17 blog posts, sort of, some were less important than others, but whatever. I wrote two of my best short stories. I made a music video all by myself. I painted a thing. I still have a job. I saw like 30 big bands live. I visited three different countries, one of which was Spain twice, and one of which was Germany for the first time. I ran an obstacle course marathon, which meant my health reached a new level. I moved into the best place in London with my favourite mate. I read 11 books, which was ONE SHORT OF MY GOAL, but what is life. I am now a British Citizen. And above all else, I made a conscious decision to be a happier dude, and I totally achieved that.

(UPDATE: Literally a few hours after I posted this article, I slept with a girl who I've been chasing for months! Damn, 2016, you aaaaaaall that.)

All in all, I look back on you, 2016, as a period where I began to breathe again. I felt like one of those dudes who is walking away from an explosion in slow motion, everything behind me was in ruins, but I was still wearing a suit, smoking a cigarette, about to go get the girl. In another analogy, it also feels like I am currently at the very top of a roller coaster, everything set up perfectly, paused, ready to drop down at high speeds into the most insanest ride of my life. 2017 has the potential to reap a whole load of seeds we planted, and that's a very promising idea. Tell me, is this true? Is this real? Is this what is going to happen? Have to spoken to 2017 about me? What did she say?

Anyways, I hope you had fun too. It looked like you did, you went crazy. You were the punk rock of the decade. You fucked everything with a dick on fire. And because of this, it was an absolute honour to have met you and an overwhelming thrill to have ridden this journey with you. I know I speak for everyone when I say that none of us will forget you any time soon, lol. You did well, mate. You did very well indeed.