How to Tell if the Sexual Tension Is Mutual: Is it Mutual Lust?

You stared at this person all night long from across the club and you want them bad. But knowing how to tell if the sexual tension is mutual can be tricky.

Sexual tension is a tricky thing. There have been moments in my life where I was so sexually attracted to someone, I made myself believe they were attracted to me as well. I mean, I wasn’t completely wrong, but I definitely exaggerated the feelings I thought they felt. I wasn’t certain how to tell if the sexual tension is mutual. I’ve learned along the way.

How to tell if the sexual tension is mutual: 16 ways to help you know

I learned, through the years, what real sexual tension felt like. I’m in my late twenties, so you can imagine I have some experience under the belt. Once I felt true mutual sexual tension, well, I’m never going back to that one-sided crap I dealt with in high school.

So, if you’re unsure if the sexual tension between you two is mutual or not, look at the signs. Because they’re there right in front of your nose.

#1 What is sexual tension, exactly? Sexual tension is basically when two people are attracted to each other, but neither does anything about it. Maybe there’s a specific reason such as you have a girlfriend/boyfriend or maybe you are both shy. But the point is, neither relieves the desire you have for one another. [Read: How to relieve sexual tension and naughty thoughts]

#2 Don’t focus on one sign. While reading through this, do not just focus on one sign. Just because they look at you, doesn’t mean there’s sexual tension. You need to have a couple of these signs in order to safely assume there’s some sexual tension. So, if a couple signs are evident, then there’s sexual tension.

#3 You literally feel it. This is hard to explain, but you literally feel it. When you have one-sided attraction, though you like them, if they were to talk to you, you wouldn’t feel an electric shock go through your body.

But if it’s mutual, you feel something like an electric shock. You feel it in your stomach, chest, and genitals. It’s a similar feeling to when you ride a roller coaster and you’re just about to drop.

#4 The eye contact is intense. You have moments when someone looks at you and then you have those moments when they look at you. Yeah, that look, that’s the one. They literally look like they want to ravage your entire body. If they can’t take their eyes off of you and if they do, they’re paralyzed for a moment, they want you and they want you badly. [Read: Eye fucking: How to master the art]

#5 There’s sexual body language. If this person runs their hand through your hair or touches your upper leg when you’re sitting down. Come on, this isn’t friendly touching. You know what sexual touching is. If they hit those areas close to the chest, genitals, and neck, well, they’re not into just being your friend.

#6 You two are flirting, a lot. Flirting is all about sexual tension. When you have a flirtatious conversation with someone, you basically build sexual tension. Now, if it’s just you flirting and they’re not responding, this is a one-sided attraction. However, if you flirt with them and they flirt back, well, let’s not play dumb, they’re into you, at least on a sexual level. [Read: 15 obvious signs of flirting between two people you can’t miss]

#7 There’s always physical contact. Now, I’m not saying you have your hand down their pants, but there’s always some sort of physical contact. Maybe they’re sitting close to you, you hug often, touch each other’s arms or back. It doesn’t have to be overly sexual in nature, but when two people touch each other, there’s something deeper occurring.

#8 You’re extremely horny. Now, if you have a crush on someone, this doesn’t mean you feel horny around them. You probably just daydream about them, doodling in your notebook, but you get wet. If there’s sexual tension, all you have to do is look down. Is your dick getting hard? Is your underwear wet? If there’s a connection between you two, your dick and vagina are the first to know.

#9 The energy changes when you two are together. You can be with your friends but the minute this person walks into the room or approaches you, the energy switches. This isn’t for no reason. If you are sexually attracted to each other, you feel the shift from friendly into sexual. [Read: Sexual tension and 20 signs you’re in lustful overdrive]

#10 Your voice changes. Here’s a fun fact, when someone is sexually interested in a person, their voice changes. This happens to both women and men.

For men, their voices become deeper and fuller, while for women, their voices become softer and sometimes a little raspy. So, whether this person is trying to hide their feelings or not, you can always tell through biology.

#11 You two want to be alone together. You may hang out with mutual friends, but at the end of the day, you tend to hang out on your own. You don’t really want other people around when you’re together. Which makes sense, I mean, you probably flirt and playfully touch each other. When your friends are around, there’s a lesser chance of flirty touching. [Read: 16 hush-hush signs your friend wants to have sex with you]

#12 You linger, they linger. No one wants to leave. The movie ended, yet, instead of slowly going home, you sit on their couch, and continue to talk. Now, if they drop hints for you to go home, that’s different. But if they want you to stay, they enjoy your company and want to be around you. This lingering says a lot about someone’s emotions.

#13 There’s no awkward silence. Of course, you have silence, but it isn’t going to have that awkward feeling. Sure, it’s going to have some sexual tension, but for the most part, you simply just feel comfortable being around them.

#14 You challenge each other. There’s this battle going on between you two. You make fun of each other, always trying to come up as the better person. But this competition isn’t because you dislike them. In fact, this is because you fight your inner conflict, the sexual attraction versus your thoughts. Maybe this person isn’t your type, so for you, you don’t want to give in.

#15 You feel it most when alone with them. Sure, when you’re in a group of people, the sexual tension is still there, it doesn’t just leave. But when alone together, that’s when you really feel the sparks. It’s like all you want to do is jump them and take off their clothes. You can’t wait another minute. [Read: 13 lusty signs of sexual attraction to keep an eye on]

#16 People notice. Though you may feel it, people around you feel it as well. They’re actually the best way to confirm your feelings. If no one comments on you two, well, either everyone avoids the subject or no one feels the sexual tension. Sexual tension isn’t something only you and that person feels. Everyone feels it. When two people are into each other, it’s not hard to see or feel.

Try thinking about your previous encounters with someone you’re sexually attracted to. Now that you know the signs, knowing how to tell if the sexual tension is mutual will be a piece of cake. Next time you’re in this situation, remember these signs.

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Natasha Ivanovic
A serial dater, Natasha Ivanovic knows a thing or two about men and the dating scene. Much of her writing is inspired by her encounters with men - and for good ...