3 Things to stop fighting about

Kait is an enthusiast of all things writer-ly. She studies creative writing at Simon Fraser University in Vancouver and derives inspiration from her work at the Women's Health Collective, city exploration, and talking to strangers. She a...

Relationship repair 101

Sick of arguing? Make relationship repair a top priority on your spring cleaning list. You'll put the intimacy, trust and fun back into things, not to mention preserve your sanity. Here are three fights no couple should let ruin their relationship and how to put a stop to them now.

Shared responsibilities

Ideally you'll take care of the "housework" in your relationship before you can get to the real stuff — the one-on-one time, the fun stuff. If your relationship becomes "all business" and issues, and money, chores, etc., are all you find yourself talking about, arguments are bound to start. It's impossible to be intimate and caring when paying off debt is your number one priority.

How to stop fighting about it

First of all, make sure you both have a clear idea of what your individual responsibilities are, why you should be the one to take care of them and how you're going to remind each other to get them done. This way, if something gets neglected, you'll have licence to call each other out on it without it being "personal." It sounds counterintuitive, but schedule dates with your partner as you would the meetings and chores you have to do. Make it just as much a priority to remind each other what you love about each other. This will remind you that, in the grand scheme of things, no responsibility is more important than the love in your life.

Sex

What does fighting about sex look like? Any way in which you or your partner use it as a means to maintain control. If you find yourselves in a dynamic of denying or demanding sex, notice it, and make the effort to put a stop to it now, because this is one surefire way to create barriers and corrode the intimacy in your relationship.

How to stop fighting about it

Sex — and the subtle ways we communicate with it — is seldom talked about, even in close relationships. If there's a passive-aggressive argument going on between you and your partner in the bedroom, bring it to light. Talk about it. Be adults. Explain what you want and need from each other, whether it be confirmation that you're loved, feeling desired or feeling secure, and how you can both make sure each of you gets that — in the bedroom and out of it.

Jealousy

When the green-eyed monster threatens to take over, it can be hard to resist blowing up, even if you know you're being irrational. Whether you're suspicious of a "girl that's a friend" or feel as if you come second to his bros, you've got to remove yourself from the situation that causes the jealousy. Let those intense feelings subside, then ask yourself what's underneath them. Are you feeling insecure? Neglected? Find out if this is a you issue or a him issue. Then you can figure out how to best handle it.

How to stop fighting about it

Voice your issue to him in a way that isn't accusatory. Start your sentences with "I feel" when you express yourself. Then work together to make reassurance a priority in your relationship. Without having to have a reassuring talk every week, come up with ways you can remind each other you're both number one so neither of you ever forgets it. Scheduling regular date nights works wonders.