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Is This an Improvement?

Alright, I’ve changed the strip. I think I like it better now. As some of the comments noted, I think the “explosive” element and car element in the prior version were too distracting (Makes you momentarily search for a physical connection between the pogo stick and the event). Now the joke is simpler, and perhaps more relatable.

I like the pogo stick. I like the punch line; it has a Peanuts-on-acid sort of vibe that when you hook into, is really cool. I just don’t think Rat is the character to care about the bad-news delivery mechanism.

If there were two things I’d change:
1) maybe have rat coming towards pig in the first panel? That way the jumping around in circles makes a bit more sense
2) Maybe it’s just the fact that I’ve read the other strip first, but in this one the “bad news” doesn’t seem bad enough.

There’s still a “why?” factor that’s missing. How is Pig’s reaction any different because of the Pogo stick than it would have been if Rat just stood there and said it? The humor that is there comes from the silliness of it, but that’s all. It still needs a hook to put it over the top.

In this economy many of your readers are worried about where next month’s rent is coming from. This version is simply going to remind them and depress them. Nice going. Stick with the exploding car; it’s outside most people’s daily concerns.

I think Pig needs to say something; it feels a bit offkilter with Rat just bouncing and Pig standing there saying nothing (not an unusual situation for Pig, I guess, but in this case…) and then Rat launching into his bad news. Why don’t you have Pig say something like, “Hi Rat, what’s going on?” or “What’s up?” Then you have a lead-in for the pre-punch-line….

I like that one person’s comment who said the last panel would be better if rat was hopping away on the pogo stick when he shares his infinate wisdom on the proper way to tell bad news. It would make the overall strip more ironic.

I prefer the second comic’s silence at the beginning, but the bad news from the first one. I agree with the commenter who said the choppy sentences go well with the pogo stick, so the second gets points for that. Making a few syllables jagged in the first one would give the same effect, though. Hmm… it’s hard to decide, but the second is probably better overall.

he’s talking too much in the second frame. it should be short and to the point like “I just nailed Pigetta.” or “I didn’t flush and it’s your turn to use the toidy.”. Or maybe: nope, no “or maybe”, I like my first idea best of all…

You see, it’s not the fact that he’s delivering bad news on a pogo stick, it just “happens” he is ON a pogo stick when he delivers the news. Would be no different if he was sitting in a chaise lounge chair delivering the news. Rat delivers bad news. That’s what he does. Last frame needs to be silent. Or at the very least something not related to the pogo stick.

We already know that some comedic tension is created by Rat on the pogo stick in the first two frames. Tension and conflict. We look at that and think, wtf?? The mere act looks silly and humorous. A bit slapstick.

In the second frame, Rat, while bouncing on his pogo stick, just happens to have some bad news for Pig while he’s in the area so he delivers it in usual Rat style.

It is redundant for Rat to say anything about the pogo stick in the third frame. He already said much better and funnier in the first two frames by his actions.

ellipses between each comment might make the way you’d say something while bouncing come across more clearly. maybe a list of bad stuff that happened in the first panel (‘x…y…z. and…’), and one just to be mean (…’you’ve gained weight.’) in the second panel. i don’t know. pretty sure most of what you put out is either funny or makes us scratch our heads and think you’ve gone so deep into your stockpile that only the truly devoted understand what just happened.

Too many people are loosing their houses these days… its less funny when you know someone in that situation.
You live on the other side of the continent and in another country, it just wouldn’t work out Stephan.
Yes, you have waaaaaaayyyy too much time on your hands on a Friday night

I say find a way to combine the two. Put in the exploding car bit, but then also the lost money/eviction bit. Or, make it a series. Rat can have accidentally blown up someone else’s car first and we get the pogo stick line. Then the next day (or a few days later) we get the second version.

I would rearrange and split the dialog from the second panel between the first two panels to create a better build up.
Panel 1: We have no cash. I lost it at the track.
Panel 2: I could’t pay the rent. We’re being evicted.

this is better, but i liked the idea or blowing up the pig’s car from v1 better than the more down to earth bad news being passed on here. similarly, i think the dialogue from panel 2 is abit too wordy for the simple punchline.

you might consider changing the second panel to read simply “I blew up your car” or “I blew our rent money at the track”

if you felt like it you could also change the illustration to include a few wisps of smoke coming in from off panel.

If Pig’s expression was changed to one of wonder, and he said “OH BOY, a pogo stick!” then Rat’s conclusion regarding the pogacious delivery vehicle of bad news would make more sense. On the other hand, this is a Pearls strip … since when was making sense a factor?

That also includes the original first panel, largely because the first panel currently feels so lifeless. The problem with that is “I got something to tell you” doesn’t match the three-to-four word scheme of the second panel.

As I said in the last post, Pastis, do not rely on your fans. We wll drag you down. (especially the drunk ones) Do not let us tint your brilliance and work on the cockiness you have lost. I don’t think there is a right and wrong to this strip. I am just curious why you are pondering so hard on it. Are you giving it to the Queen of England? Or the President of the United States…

I like this second version much better than the first. Perhaps in the last panel, pig could still be present with the shocked look, and rat could say something like “Dude. I was on the Pogo Stick ‘O Bad News.” Then the Pogo Stick ‘O Bad News could crop up again, and become one of those beloved in-jokes your fans adore so much.🙂

Worse, much worse. I wish I’d checked your blog when you first posted the stip cause the first post was funnier. It actually seemed more like Rat had to get the pogo stick to get around after blowing up the car. Now it seems more like Rat has become part Pig. Hoping around on a pogo stick cause the rent’s due and your gonna be evicted seems more like something Pig would do for fun cause he doesn’t get the gravity of the situation. But Rat seems more likely to use the pogo stick to as a “better” replacement for the car he destroyed to buy Pig off, and Pig would go for it.

I think Pig’s facial expression in the second panel is just a bit too dramatic. One of the things I really like about “Pearls” is that the humor comes from the dialogue and ideas even when the characters’ faces stay neutral in the final panels of strips. Also, for some reason Pig’s really dark arms distract me in the second panel.

And I agree with the other suggestions to keep Rat pogo-ing in the last panel.

oh, and I think the first one is definitely better. Rat has told Pig a bunch of times they have no money to pay the rent before, I think. But maybe as some others have suggested, wait to have Rat speak until the second panel.

Who knew that three frames could be so analyzed?
I agree with those who say that Rat should tell bad news that only effects Pig so he could bounce in Rats equivialnt of joyful abaondon.
The news should be spoken in short bursts as he jumps.
Maybe the next day Rat could be chasing Pig around on the pogo stick insiting that he wants to tell him something. or…. a strip a few days later could have pig saying he wants to tell something to Rat but just before saying it, he could ask to borrow his pogo stick

What do I think? I think you do too many drugs. Or not enough. I’m not sure which. Whatever, guy, it’s just a frickin’ comic strip. The day after it runs it’ll be forgotten. No need for all this brain damage.

It’s definitely an improvement, but I’d simplify it even more. Maybe shorten it to “I lost the rent money at the track. We’re being evisted.” The “rent being due” just seems redundant.

I’d also change the ‘bounce tracks’ in the first panel to show that Rat is coming in from the left, and then I’d keep him bouncing around in the second panel. It’s subtle, but I think this adds to the sense of him ‘delivering’ the news, rather than just bouncing around.

My user name may suggest why I think that blowing up a car is funnier than losing the rent/mortgage at the track. That said, I considered the unoffered option of “You are very FUNNY, and if we BOTH weren’t married I would hook up with you,” but as far as I can tell from your blog, it would be worse than being married to my less famous and poorer husband. The worst part of our honeymoon was Mexican beer induced flatulence. I will take that over bedbugs any old day.

I think that the commenter who noted that hippity hops are far funnier than pogo sticks may have a point!!!

The silent first panel is GREAT. It adds tension to the punch at the end. I kinda like the quirkiness of the exploding car because it brings about a completely different mental image. But you’re right, it’s a little too wordy. This version is definitely better than the first.

Pastis, you shouldn’t leave this issue up to the fans. You’re an edgy cartoonist, and you’re very good at mocking your opponents, so naturally, all the powerless people of the world that agree with you adore you. You are their hero. What could they say bad about you? I notice that the majority of voters both voted that the first strip was good, and that the second strip was even better. That’s what I mean. Anyway, I like the one where Rat blows up Pig’s car better.