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The Black Man Vs The Black Woman: Where Is The Love?

I am a Black woman who was raised by a Black mother. I happen to be the older sister of three Black young ladies. I cherish the relationships that I have with other Black women outside of my family such as my friends, people I work with, mentors, neighbors, and teachers. The reason for this is because these women have been my source of strength; bringing me up when I am down and making me cry with laughter. Therefore, when I read an article written and published by a Black man who is going off on Black women about their supposed negative characteristics I can’t help but become belligerent!

I mean the things that this Black man (let me emphasize on the word BLACK) was saying about us was so out of control that when I first read it, all I could do was laugh. But upon the second and third reading, I started to feel the need to stab this guy in his throat! Figuratively.

So let’s break it down.

The article, written by Mack Major, is called “Rant Against The Extra-Average Black Woman.” The title and the name of the author should have given me a warning about the mess that was about to come out of this man’s mouth. To sum up his piece, this guy has a problem with women who proclaim to be independent Black women. And makes it his life’s purpose to state all the reasons why Black women are not special. Major begins with this:

“Sisters need to come back down to earth and lose that haughty spirit they carry. What about you is so special that good black men should even want to get at you? What things do you bring to the table that will enhance his life by him getting with you?”

Apparently, we do not possess any great qualities that would make Black men want to be with us. Besides our physical endowments we have nothing to offer. Hmmm. Not angry yet? Let’s read more.

“Really? You can’t even stand by black men and have our backs in the public eye. How do we know you’ll honor him if you do manage to catch one? For many years I watched black women dog out the brothers in every possible public forum known to man. They did it in songs, on radio shows, in TV interviews on ABC, CNN and even on Russian TV, in the movies, in the streets.”

Hopefully, you are hopping out of your chair now. I know I did. First of all Mr. Mack Major, you can’t be serious right now. We don’t stand by our Black men and diss them every chance we get? Is this a joke? PLEASE. Who is standing by ya’ll when you are in school? Helping you to figure out what the hell you want to do with your life. Correcting your grammatical mistakes? Wait, let’s be real writing your final papers? I’m sorry, if that isn’t a woman who is down for you I don’t know what is. And let’s not go there with the job situation in this economy. Or matter of fact, let’s go there. Who is supporting ya’ll when you are laid off, in between jobs, unemployed, or just plain trying to get your ish together? BLACK WOMEN. I really don’t have time.

I think Major is a little deluded in his thinking. We disrespect them in the public forum. Ha! I believe it is actually the opposite. The rap game is a fantastic example of this. Being called a bitch, ho, and trick while scantily clothed in videos like “Rack City” or “Birthday Song” isn’t what I would call respectful. The misogyny and degradation of the Black female body by Black men is a everyday occurrence but we are disrespecting them?

OK onto the next.

Here is a question for the ladies. Have you ever wondered, “How come I can’t find a good black man?” or “Where are all the good Black men?” Well, Mack Major has the answer.

“Most of you don’t have a good Black man yet because you are not worthy of one.”

WORTHY???

“Many of you are uncle Toms and sellouts, quick to go in front of white folks and throw brothers under the bus.”

What are you talking about Mack? This statement is more true once you flip it. How many times have we seen brothers out there who as soon as they start making money, drop the Black woman they’ve been with since the beginning to get that oh so prized white woman?

Mack goes on to say that we wear the title “independent Black women” like a badge of honor to show that we are better than Black men. Our independence is nothing to be proud of because we at best have average jobs. Mack says, “At best you’re equal. Nothing more. Nothing less.”

For me, being an independent Black woman has nothing to do with being with a man or not. I am an independent Black woman and I am in a relationship with a Black man. It is about reclaiming a positive Black female identity. It is about reasserting and reaffirming my beauty, strength, values, and intelligence. I am a Black woman. This does not mean that I am a bitch. Black woman does not automatically equal ho or trick. I am not what you see on Love & Hip Hop. I am not Nicki Minaj.

This article written by Mack Major is problematic for several reasons. He makes generalizations about Black women without taking into account the diversity of Black women. To say that we are average, unworthy, not special, sellouts, and uncle Toms is inflammatory, degrading, and let’s not forget FALSE. Most of his accusations can also be applied to Black men and people of any race in general. These traits are not specifically a Black woman characteristic. I am really tired of people passing off stereotypes and generalization as facts. Taking one personal experience and then applying it to a whole group of people does not make it true.

All in all, this article left me feeling a little disturbed. Is this really what Black men think about us? Is this what is going through their heads every time they interact with another Black woman? And then I ask myself, do I really care? Nope. I don’t. I don’t know what Black woman would want to be with someone who feels like that. I definitely do not need or want that kind of person in my life. And there are plenty of Black men who appreciate Black women for who they are and not so quick to dish out stereotypes as facts. I probably would have respected him more if he said these are the kind of women I have been running into and this is how these particular women act. I mean, if I was to view Black men from his approach, all Black men would be hustling and selling dime bags on the corner, aspiring rappers, have five baby mamas, in and out of jail, and still living with they mama.

18 thoughts on “The Black Man Vs The Black Woman: Where Is The Love?”

In viewing this article, it is clear that yhe female got defensive vs viewing it as constructive. All the things the brother is saying is true. Black women have the Lynch Syndrome & undermine brothers.

I’ve got a lot of experience with the oldest out of an all female family, they don’t connect with respect. They lack loyalty, dedication & commitment. With women genetically having two of the same chromosomes, they have two left feet & are truly confused. Most are self destructive & sabatoge their relationships if they feel they are not in control.

As a whole, our Black women are not the support system ANY mate would choose. They are more trouble than they are worth.

Another thing, Black women interfer. Get out the way & sit in that damn passenger seat, damit. I love my black women but they got do better & learn from other cultures. Just act Civilized!

How does your being raised in a family of all (I assume black) women give you “a lot” of experience with black women? Surely, you can’t think that your family is an accurate reflection of all black women. Please, please tell me you don’t!

Yes, women do have two X chromosomes but they are hardly the same. Given that you used this as the basis for your argument, I assume that you’re not aware that one x chromosomes is inherited from the mother and the other from the father. So essentially, we don’t have “two left feet”. I would also caution against using pseudo-science to validate your ideologies. Such rationale was also the basis of justification for African-American slavery, the Holocaust, the Tuskegee experiments, racial segregation – oh I could go on and on.

Lastly, you stated that we have “Lynch Syndrome”? Are you referring to the Willie Lynch speech? The speech that, almost ten years ago was proven to be a hoax? I guess that makes sense that you would use falsified historical documents to justify your false sense of reality.

“He makes generalizations about Black women without taking into account the diversity of Black women”
-he doesn’t generalize all black women he is speaking on a specific population of black women the Black Women who possess the attitude also known as “haughty spirit”
“Most of his accusations can also be applied to Black men and people of any race in general”;
-true but this article isn’t about black men or people of any race it’s about a specific population of Black women the Haughty Spirited Black Women. Why take such offense that this person is constructively criticizing the group of humans that he hold dearest to him don’t you appreciate it when your little cousin tells you that you suck at something Lol. Does that not develop another type of trust and love? If a black woman wrote a similar article that applied to black men, and if any of the negative characteristics that she pointed out belonged to me, I would say thank you Sista for helping me to take a look at myself in a way that I usually wouldn’t And if none of them did apply to me I would hope that this information reached some brothas that it did apply to.
You point out him attacking Black women calling them “average” to me average means just like everyone else. Every human has unlimited potential and is special beyond imagination.
BLACK WOMEN AR E THE STRONGEST PEOPLE ON EARTH. Not because of the way God made them but because of the exercises they are given every day; Racism, sexism, being perceived to be the opposite of strong, and the opposite of good. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. And nobody has been tested on a regular basis pushed to the brink death, strengthened, like THE BLACK WOMAN.
Why is it that you did not refute anything Major said with examples? All I seen in this article was “false, not true, is this a joke?” The one example you did give I believe furthered Major point.
“Who is standing by ya’ll when you are in school? Helping you to figure out what the hell you want to do with your life. Correcting your grammatical mistakes? Wait, let’s be real writing your final papers?”
Is this not an average, normal, not special occurrence? Is this not something the average 15 year old white girl does for her, struggling to graduate from high school, 17 year old boyfriend?
ALSO WHERE CAN WE FIND THIS ARTICLE SO YOUR AUDIENCE CAN JUDGE FOR THEMSELVES!

Above is the link to the article the author is responding to, which was also embedded in the last sentence. I have a few questions for the men: who birthed you and how do you feel about her? Is your mother, sister, niece, cousin, aunt, DAUGHTER an exception to these characteristics because I would assume they are all black women. And I expect them to be of good caliber to have raised such gentlemen. Not one time did she degrade black men as a group, unlike Mack major. None of the things he mentioned are factual, they are all subjective opinions. But it is a fact, according to statistics, that too many black women are raising black children without the help of their father, and this crosses class lines. But yet in still we are the least likely of any race, male or female, to date outside our race because of our loyalty and somewhat naive hopes that we can build something strong and long lasting with black men. We are always second choice, look at the dynamics of relationships of successful black men in the media. Athletes actors politicians entertainers educators who are black men are usually seen trotting around flaunting non-black women, but before they achieved their success they were living with a black woman which is obvious by the number of black kids they have pre-success. But we dog and abandon black men, I don’t think so. We can’t catch a break, black woman who are not college educated are immediately assumed to be a gold digger. Educated with a professional career she’s too power hungry and overbearing. Black woman dates outside the race, she hates herself. But again those are generalizations, and stereotypes are what continues to impede our ability to progress. It’s 2012 why is there still so much division between the sexes. We are wasting to much time perpetuating stereotypes that we could be using to promote unity and build strong families. It really breaks my heart to be stigmatized disrespected and disregarded by the men who I thought understood my struggle the most but apparently don’t.

I feel that it would be great if we could make the distinction between constructive criticism and attacking some one’s character. Constructive criticism points out mistakes or areas of improvement without using inflammatory language. Constructive criticism offers solutions and alternatives not just simply stating the facts. This was a RANT. This was an article about how messed up Black women are and how they are not even worth a Black man’s love. If this article was truly about giving advice to change Black women’s ways, this was not the way to do it. This article does nothing to cultivate and maintain love or trust. It is condescending and degrading. Everything he claims Black women are in this article, he exemplifies in his writing.

The claim is that we are not loyal, uncivilized, we need to take a seat in the passenger seat, we are average, not special, do not support Black men, work to undermine Black men. This kind of thinking is dated (pre- 1920s) and very reminiscent of the colonial era and Eurocentric representations of Black women. It almost seems as if you are operating from a white supremacist framework. How is it beneficial to my personal development to resurrect some ancient racist polemic and pass it off as feedback? UNcivilized. The ruling powers at the time used that term to justify the enslavement of millions of people. Shows you how constructive that was?

Also, I have a problem with the term average. Nothing about the Black experience is average. Nothing about being a Black women is average. Despite what they two Black men who commented above may believe, Black women are not only surviving but succeeding in this country. They have successful, meaningful, and long lasting relationships with Black men. They are going to school and trying to make a better life for themselves. They are great mothers and passing down values and beliefs that we as young adults cherish today. And they are doing this despite Mack Major’s generalizations!!! Despite the historical degradation of their name, bodies, and characteristics. Despite the constant struggle just to be seen as a Black woman in this country. I just want to be seen for who I am. I am tired of being placed in box by history books, employers, men, and Black men.

It seems as if Black women and men are in need of a serious workshop where we can address some of the issues that we have with one another. Living in a society that is saturated with racism, sexism, classism, and bigotry has began to take its toll on they way that we interact with one another. I believe that this conversation needs to happen. However, there are more positives ways in which it could be facilitated ie: workshops, forum discussions, conferences, community meets.

Mack is just looking to increase is readers so he can get paid. I have no time for someone so senseless. I know what a blessing it is to be a black women. I guess Mack has a lot of hate for the black women in his life. His mother must be proud to know her son thinks she is not worth his or any other mans love. My Husband,, father, grandfather, brothers, uncle,and cousins, are all Black MEN. They LOVE AND RESPECT BLACK WOMEN FOR WHO WE ARE. We are not trying to bleach our skin do become white. If we were not as strong as we are, there would be more of you locked up in jail. Not every black women is out there shaking it for daddy!. We are too busy trying to hold everything together, even when our whole world is falling apart. You would never know this because we are strong enough to keep it together. I don’t need Mack are anyone else to tell me who I am. I am not your bitch, whore, dime, nor your jump off. If you demand respect, you will get it. Ihave NO RESPECT for MACK. I am A BLACK WOMAN,. HEAR ME ROAR. AND HAPPILY MARRIED TO A STRONG BLACK MAN FOR SEVENTEEN WONDERFUL YEARS.

I have a question. I think its beautiful that you have been married to a black man for 17 years. My question is this…do you live by the saying, happy wife, happy life? If so, YOU are happy but if your mission isn’t happy husband, happy life then HE is not truly happy. I say this because men that are being raised by single WOMEN are being “taught” what a woman wants in a man and how to treat a woman on a constant basis. Now ask your self , and answer honestly, did your mom tell you what a man wants in a woman and how to treat a man. This is a generalization and applies also to all races but especially to black women…….the answer is NO. Reason is women raise other women to be independent and not to need anyone ESPECIALLY a man. so when you get married, you can’t tell me that all of the sudden you go from years of ME to WE. Mack major is wrong but the black community is broken and yes men play a part in that but if the foundation is broken anything you build on it won’t be stable and WOMEN ARE THE FOUNDATION! Go see the movie 42…..for all that Jackie Robinson did he could have done NONE of it if not his wife HOLDING him up, LOVING HIM…!! That WAS the strength of the black woman…..loving the black man when everyone around him hated him. Alot of black men didn’t deserve THOSE black women back then but now our community has flipped. Good black men surrounded by black women who don’t know how to love a black man…..

A lot of his viewpoints sound very similar to the Tariq “King-Flex” Nasheed. He has a very popular podcast on the internet and produced the film “Hidden Colors.” Have you heard of him? Mack Major is not saying anything new; it’s been done before. Check a few of these episodes out where he has GOES IN on black women in particular:
episode 11: http://macklessonsradio.com/index/category/Mack%20Lessons%20Radio%20Show%20Archives

I think it would have helped if he had mentioned something a little positive in his artcile about black women. Yes there are black women who don’t treat their men right an visa versa. I can only speak for myself and don’t consider myself to be haughty spirited even though I’m an independent woman, I just see it as a means to live, a job or money doesn’t define me. Its sad that growingly men think black women are not good enough,I’ve seen it, and heard the guys talk; however black men also need to re-evaluate the way they treat black women. You wouldn’t want some man doing that to your daughter hopefully not. I love a black man, the best thing is he respects me and I respect him that’s what its about. Haughtiness from either side is a lose situation. Where is the black love!!! 😉

I think the emotion of the criticism has made the author of this article and some of the comments miss Macks point. He was talking specifically about black women who feel that their are no good black men out there. If you found a good black man then you should not be taking this article personally. He had some clear solutions as to why a black woman who are struggling to find love might be looking in the wrong places!

400 years in a land that is not ours and our enemies rule over us amerikkka is not a place 4 the blackman and woman to love it can happen with sacrifice but its a 50% chance 1 or the other mate has been willie lynched its time black people open your mind to our reality this isn’t our land don’t love this place or nothing in it above all don’t trust they don’t have our best interest in heart if you love me tell me the truth yahspeople.com hebrewisraelites.org

Again…excuses. So in 2012-13 blacks can’t do better?? its cause of 400 PAST years? So how did frederick Douglass succeed FROM SLAVERY? Booker T Washington? Thurgood Marshall? W.E.B Debois? These are just a few blacks who succeed against things WE WILL NEVER KNOW OR UNDERSTAND. We have more resources available to us yet we still find a way to FAIL. Stop making excuses and start making progress…..THEY did…smh…

My sweet sister… I just finished the book “Sister Citizen.” Listen to her as she says this. Black women are “subjected to public scrutiny of their supposed shortcomings while the men’s biographies were shielded by an assumption that their maleness alone made them worthy.”

In Brainwashed , Tim Burrell notes “ Black men are not aware of the unconscious motivators that cause them to demean Black women and expound that they are better off with White women. At a young age, Black men and women are inundated with messages that they cannot trust or depend upon one another. We hear in everyday conversation, words of mutual contempt, the casual dissing of one another that seed the notion that Black men and women are to be ridiculed, put down, and widely mistrusted as mates and parents.”

They don’t appear to be having much success with White women either. Those relationships have the highest failure rate. Which tells you that the problem can not be us! No woman wants madness and criticism in her life. We fight back to keep men, who see nothing good in us, from crushing our spirit.

I am done with apologizing for being a human being. I relinquish the titles ‘strong” and “Independent.” I am neither. I ‘m a woman. I don’t want to be a foundation. there is no glory in it. I refuse to work like a dog for something that a man should freely give to me. I want a partner who sees me for the person that I am, not superhuman or less than I am. I am not perfect and I am done trying to be perfect; especially because he sees no need to change at all.

Some Black men sing their song so sad, but they would really cry the blues if they lived one day in our shoes. I wore chains too! Black women are subjected to more racism than Black men. We are truly the last hired, the first fired and we are never paid what we are worth. Black men and White men out-earn both Black and White women. Black women are tied at the bottom of the wage scale with Latina. Years ago James Brown sang, “I don’t want no body to give me nothing. Open up the door, I’ll get it myself.” Yet we are still invited to a door that is bolted shut. Especially so for Black women.

I am a two time loser. I endured 23 years of misery the first time. I believe that the third time is a charm. This time it will work because I am giving 100% of my 50% and I expect my man to do the same. I am not responsible for everything and everything is not my fault. Grown men understand that the world does not revolve around him. To the rest, here is my advice, I stole it off the internet…”GETTING OFF OF BLACK WOMEN’S BACKS: Love Her or Leave Her Alone.”