Shocker: Obama caught lying in his own autobiography

Sit down to contain your shock before reading Politico’sbombshell report that Barack Obama has been caught lying in his own autobiography:

One of the more mysterious characters from President Obama’s 1995 autobiography Dreams From My Father is the so-called ‘New York girlfriend.’ Obama never referred to her by name, or even by psuedonym, but he describes her appearance, her voice, and her mannerisms in specific detail.

But Obama has now told biographer David Maraniss that the ‘New York girlfriend’ was actually a composite character, based off of multiple girlfriends he had both in New York City and in Chicago.

“During an interview in the Oval Office, Obama acknowledged that, while Genevieve was his New York girlfriend, the description in his memoir was a “compression” of girlfriends, including one who followed Genevieve [Cook] when he lived in Chicago,” Maraniss writes in his new biography, an excerpt of which was published online today by Vanity Fair.

(Emphasis mine.) Take a bow for the great job you did vetting this guy in 2008, media! In fairness, the dog-eating fiasco pretty firmly established that no one in Obama’s fawning press actually read his books, although they take up space on many a coffee table in Washington, New York, and Los Angeles.

Before you dismiss the Composite Girlfriend as a minor, irrelevant detail, remember that our media gatekeepers enlisted thousands of people in a “crowdsourced” effort to scour Sarah Palin’s email for dirt, and found nothing. Obama used the Composite Girlfriend to make at least one point about racial tension in his book, as discussed at length in the new-and-improved Maraniss biography, which apparently contains less dog meat and bovine excrement. Obama attributed an anecdote about his white girlfriend reacting badly to “an angry black play” to his imaginary synthetic girlfriend because, he says, he wanted to protect the actual woman’s identity, but felt it would be “dishonest” not to relate the incident.

We can believe Obama’s account of the “angry black play” incident implicitly, because he only lies in his autobiography sometimes.

Since the Maraniss excerpt was published, some more interesting facts about the Composite Girlfriend have emerged:

She is made from a mimetic poly-alloy, which can duplicate anything it samples by touching. Her relationship with Obama ended when Arnold Schwarzenegger threw her into a vat of molten steel.

Her blood will jump out of a petri dish, if touched with a hot wire.

She was the only childhood friend of Professor Charles Xavier.

Composite Girlfriend just missed the cut for the Avengers. Her spot was taken by the Black Widow.

She can imitate your deepest fears, but her true form, somewhat disappointingly, is a giant spider.

The Most Interesting Man in the World, famous from the Dos Equis beer commercials, prefers to date only composite women.

Have you guessed it yet? (Who the young woman was). It was Janet Reno, mass murderer of children. She has claimed in private that it was the evening with Obama that continued to haunt her until she exploded with rage at the children in Waco.