The memoirs of a Nigerian on the path of self discovery

A scary thought.

Sometimes the idea of marriage scares me.

It’s not really the thought of living with someone that does it – I’ve lived all my life sharing a room with someone: a sibling, a roommate, a flat mate – it’s the fact that I can’t escape to anywhere else when we’ve had a fight.

And it’s not that I hate fights either – I don’t mind engaging in healthy and positive relationship building fights – but there are some that seem like they’ll never go away. There are fights that make you wonder if you ever really knew that person before you got married, or if you actually made the right decision.

The ability to run to your best friend with a problem is healing. But what if you married your best friend, who do you run to?

People say marriage changes you, and they say it not in a good way. Why? Is it the pressure of the challenges, an over dose of a good thing or just or being disillusioned?

Despite my fears, my idealist side fights to believe that once both parties are totally aware of who they are as individuals, it becomes easier to accept your spouse’s short comings, and the fights become an avenue for mutual self-discovery.

In the meantime, while I put on a bold front and be the fearless person “they” know me for, I shall mentally shut my eyes, cross my fingers behind my back and repeat to myself: “Do not be afraid, do not be afraid, do not be afraid.”

I believe you are right to be afraid of Marriage but also honestly it is beautiful with the right partner, most important ingredient of marriage is friendship, communication and hot love! Passion! You should genuinely care for each other. I say fingers crossed, when the right one comes love knows no bounds.

Thanks for the comforting thought Lovette! Yes I believe these ingredients are necessary, but it seems to me a lot of people forget about them once they get there! It’s such a breath of fresh air when I see couples in love, they seem to be saying: “It can work for you too!”
I’m glad you stopped by! 😀

Hmmmm well I believe a great marriage stems from the foundation. The foundation has to do with the people involved doing it the right way. And what’s the right way? God… What God said concerning marriage and how it should be done. *Hint* y’all find what His views in the Bible. God created marriage and He has the manual. Its wise to follow that manual. That’s why I don’t regret a second of being married to my husband, fight and all. Yup! We fight wella 😀

Anything whose foundation is shaky is bound to have a weak structure: houses, education, and even marriage. I do agree with this fact, and I guess it’s very important for us all to remember to do that. If one lays a foundation that is solid, the “structure” can never fall, despite the storms that come its way. And God has the manual/blueprint for that foundation! Thanks for sharing, Lahmeet!

Hey sis, marriage is a beautiful thing. It comes with all its highs & lows but its all worth it when you are with the right one! I can’t say this enough:marry your friend!! Love go finish, romance go cool, even the sex sef dey fluctuate but friendship is what keeps you guys strong when the realities of life come knocking. Its what rekindles the love when all seems to fail.
You must not marry your best friend but you can make your spouse the best friend you always wished 4. Once you know that you’re in the business for the long haul then you can decide and determine how to enjoy the ride.
Marriage is less of self and more of common interests. Making the other partner happy without losing your identity. Looking out for his best interests. Caring for him genuinely. Loving him completely (1Cor13). Embracing your differences even when you don’t understand them.
It’s nothing to be scared of! Its everything to look forward to. Its an adventure. Its a novel. Its a ​​song. It’s a dream. Its what you make of it.

OK Medal, I feel like scraping my post and updating it with yours, LOL! So much wisdom in these words! Thanks for sharing, I promise to come by for more prep classes when the time comes, if you don’t mind! 😀

Marriage is sweet when both partners know that no one is perfect. Though everything in life has its happy and sad times, highs and lows, so also is marriage. Its all about us and it becomes stronger when both partners communicate, trust, appreciate, cherish, believe and care for each other.
Never try to change your partner but rather improve them. Don’t dwell on your partner’s weaknesses, rather encourage, appreciate and concentrate on their strengths.
Marriage is of God, build it on Him and you will have its manual to operate on. Don’t be scared, its a good, beautiful and wonderful thing… Bless you dear!

Hi Blue,
Thanks for the like… i have been married for 6 years now. It isn’t easy, but at the end of the day he is who I want here. Not always for the same reasons I married him but bc of the bond a marriage grows through the hard times. In the old days they married ppl they didn’t even know and yet love grew. I really liked The Love Dare from the movie Fireproof. About two years into every relationship the honeymoon phase starts to go away and you are left with the bond you created and the things you have in common. In fireproof something was said that everyone should consider before they get married and that’s once you’ve entered in close the door behind you! Instead of looking for an escape route when the disagreements come try to have an understanding of how it will be handled. My husband is hot headed and needs time to “cool off” before we talk and work things out, sometimes so do I 🙂 . Marriage is work not a fairytale as I once thought, but I wouldn’t change it. Also I am reminded that to “love other people we must first love ourselves and to truly love oneself is to take care of the destination of ones soul.” but don’t be afraid.

Ah, I remember Fireproof and the valuable lessons it taught(Maybe I should go watch it again, for “reinforcement”!). I also like the quote about loving one’s self by taking care of your soul’s destination. Never thought of it that way. Thanks so much, for the insight!