Here are my random thoughts as I get a grip on having cancer at 42 (now 49) years old. I would like to inspire hope in all of you and in myself as well as to provide a place for you to keep track of me through this ordeal.

Here's another list, kind of fun, my favorites are in bold!~~~~~~~~~~~~~Life is short - Enjoy it !Here are some great ways of dealing with the burdens of life:* Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue* Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.* Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it* Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be recalled by their maker* If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague* If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it* It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others* Never buy a car you can't push.* Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you won't have a leg to stand on.* Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance* Since it's the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep late* The second mouse gets the cheese.* When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane* Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live* You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to one person* Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once* We could learn a lot from crayons...Some are sharp, some are pretty and some are dull. Some have weird names, and all are different colors, but they all have to live in the same box*A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour

April 25, 2007

On Monday I have my 9th Zometa treatment and my usual PSA test.Though I usually don't go out on a limb and try to predict anything, but here it goes:I predict my PSA number will be lower again next week!

Why? Overall, I feel better than I have in a long time. I speak of the little aches and pains that I deal with on a daily basis. They may not even be related to PC? They might just be age related? Either way, they are almost non-existent lately!

On Saturday for example, I played disc golf and then spent almost 6 hours in the yard. I was working my tail off too! Moving rocks and pavers, digging up bushes, planting flowers etc. I went back out for three more hours on Sunday. In the end, I had no issues with pain, fatigue etc. I even woke up Monday morning and worked out.

The previous weekend I played 80 holes of disc golf in about 36 hours, a few Advil and I was feeling great! It might not have been that bad at all, I took this dosage just to make sure I stayed ahead of the pain. Again, I attribute this to age, not necessarily PC.

So I got to thinking.....I wonder....maybe things have taken a turn for the better? The rollercoaster ride continues, strap yourselves in, push down the lap bar.....

April 18, 2007

I spent the weekend in Des Moines, IA and Omaha, NE playing in disc golf tournaments. All I can say is, what a blast!

We, my Brother In Law Rich, Pete and Joe left before 6:00am on Saturday to play in a doubles tournament in Des Moines. The weather was fantastic, chilly at first, but we were in jackets for the second round (2:00pm). Both of our groups player horribly. At least the course was really challenging and quite beautiful.

Immediately after turning in our score cards we headed to Omaha. We spent Saturday night in the old freight or wharf district. A very nice area with cobblestone streets, refurbished warehouses turned into shops, restaurants, etc. Pete knew of a brew-pub / restaurant / pool hall that turned out to be a great way to end the day. On the way back to the hotel we stopped for gas only to find out first hand why Omaha has the highest per-capita number of people living below the poverty line. It's a long story, no one got hurt, but let's just say there were a few tense moments!

Sunday morning the temperature in Omaha only went down to 40 and reached the mid-sixties before the day was over. The disc golf course was amazing. Here's a shot of #3, the island hole. It was 250 feet, anything not in the grass is out of bounds. The tee was to the right of the bridge in the background.

I called Mary on my walk to the first tee and told her I was done with tournaments. The courses are just too long for a player of my caliber (I was whining basically). For you ball golfers just imagine playing from the black tee boxes when you are used to the whites. Our 'home course', Rosedale is about 6,000ft in length, the Des Moines course was 8,000 and the Omaha course was over 9.000.

By the end of the day I had withdrawn my statement, as I played well. Not good enough to win, but respectable enough to beat the four other guys in my group for the afternoon round. Also, I missed a hole-in-one by inches! It was a wonderful experience and the ride home was even more fun as Pete got us from Omaha to KC in about 2 hours and 20 minutes. Normally, it's about three hours!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Last night I watched the Soprano's episode from Sunday night. I have always been a big fan of the show. It's a little sad that this is the end. Personally, I think these last episodes are as good as the show was at it's peak a few years ago. A portion of Sunday's episode focused on Johnny Sac. Johnny is serving time for racketeering but he is also battling lung cancer. Turns out that two rounds of chemo did not work, the cancer has metastasized to his brain, bones, etc.. The doctor tells him he has 3 months or so to live.

In the past two years, I have tried to avoid shows with subjects like this, they hit a little too close to home. As I watched it I sat there and thought "what will it be like for me?". Before I go any further, let me say this "I don't plan on this happening for a number of years!!!". The topic just got me wondering, I certainly am not prepared mentally, but will I ever be? It's a horrible way to die. You hang on and your body is basically eaten away as the cancer takes over. How screwed up is that? Again, I'm not obsessing about this, just another thought that I share here, nothing more.

April 12, 2007

There are times when I write entries and I stop and ask myself, "Why am I doing this?".On the other hand, lately there are times when I have to stop and remember that I have cancer. The latter is good to some extent, it means I am dealing with this and getting on with my life, as best as I can. The moments are brief, but the moments are priceless.

As for “Why” - when I started this blog my initial purpose was selfish, it was therapeutic. I could write about what ever I wanted. I could freely express my inner emotions and expose my true feelings. After all, who would want to read about some middle aged man as he struggles with cancer? Then the purpose morphed into something more, it became a way to keep family and friends updated.

Over time, it has grown to a level that I never anticipated it would reach. There are people that I have never met or even exchanged emails with, that read my periodic ramblings. Just last week we received an order for FLHW bracelets from a woman in Florida. When the order came in, neither Mary nor I had any idea who had sent it in. As it turns out, she found my blog from a link on another blog from someone fighting prostate cancer. She and her husband’s story are like so many of us struggling with this disease, tragically unique, but still optimistic.

I sincerely appreciate the comments and emails that I receive from those that read my blog. Touching the lives of others and inspiring those who are battling this dreadful disease as well as those who support them is now a primary reason, “Why I do this”.

April 04, 2007

Each month, as we make our trip down to see Dr. H, Mary and I try to guess what might PSA is going to be for the month. Monday she guessed it would remain steady at 20, I guessed 17. It just sounded good, had a good ring to it. Kathy the nurse just called, I could tell immediately by the tone in her voice:

17.43

This is the lowest my PSA has been since May 2006 when it was 11.36How about those apples!

Another thing we experience each month are 'Dr H isms'. I think he is somewhat befuddled with my number being steady. Not knowing exactly what to say he usually closes our brief discussion with "Well, let's just keep riding this horse' [Monday's] or 'We'll just keep the train on these tracks' etc. It's cute. I know one of these times Mary and I will make eye contact and burst out in laughter, it's sure to happen sooner or later!

Can you tell I'm in a good mood?

My friend Pete called me Monday evening. He told me that the Easter lilly we gave him last year had come back this year. This doesn't happen often with the harsh winters we have in Kansas City. He said he thought it was a sign of good things to come. I'm not sure about you, but I think Pete was on to something!