The repetition might be more powerful (lines 11-13, 24-26, and 33-39) if you varied it slightly. I'm not sure the cadence quite works. Other than that, this is well executed (and more than a little enjoyable to read). — phyridean

hmm, YAY, a real comment, about it... Huzzah!

Yes, i could eliminate the ..um.. bad bits, but I would like to keep it for the lines 33-39...
Would it be ok if i kept just that, or would that still be too much repition? — katt