A FUnnie look at the loony residents of the Democratic Underground aka DUmmies in particular and the Leftwing Blogosphere in general.

Wednesday, May 31, 2006

DUmmie Despair Over 2006 Elections

It's my birthday today (along with Clint Eastwood, Brooke Sheilds, Colin Farrell, and John George II, Elector of Saxony) and my present has come in the form of it being the LAST day on the Today Show for Katie Couric. No longer will I have to watch her early morning fawning over liberals (like Al Gore recently) or frowning at the mention of conservatives or at "unpleasant events" such as the capture of Saddam Hussein. Somehow I think her move to anchor CBS News will turn out to be a BIG MISTAKE and Katie will regret ever leaving the environs of her AM show. One of Katie's recent activities has been as a cheerleader (along with a BIG CHUNK of the rest of the Drive-By Media) for the Democrats. In this capacity, Katie and her liberal media cohorts, are treating the upcoming Congressional and Senate elections this November as a big Democrat victory of LANDSLIDE proportions. For them it is no longer a question of whether or not the Democrats will capture the House and Senate but by how much. A lot of the DUmmies are already celebrating the "inevitable" Democrat victory this November but underlying it all is a current of nervous DOUBT and even DESPAIR over the upcoming 2006 election results as can be seen in two threads, "The GOP/ROVE machine is going to take you down AGAIN!!!" and "GOP planning to disenfranchise millions in 06, 08". So let us now watch the DUmmies despair about the upcoming elections in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, dining on a birthday cake chock full of DUmmie angst, is in the [brackets]:

The GOP/ROVE machine is going to take you down AGAIN!!!

[Ah yes! Karl Rove. But hasn't he already been INDICTED on May 12? According to TruthOut and Pied Piper Pitt, Patrick Fitgerald gave Rove 24 business hours over two weeks ago to get his affairs in order to prepare for his famous White House lawn Frog Walk.]

It is already in full swing baby, you just need to look a little closer:

[Freudenschade, baby!]

1) NY Times article slamming Hillary and her marriage last week

[SNIFF! A rock solid marriage like that based on true love debased by a nefarious newspaper report.]

2) Pelosi's very negative article this morning about how both sides are hoping she is the speaker, can you imagine a Pelosi agenda?...etc. OMG!!!

[IMPOSSIBLE! Only the EVIL Republicans are capable of corruption as opposed to the Simon pure Democrats. After all, we are being flogged daily with the constant media drumbeat about the GOP "Culture of Corruption." It is one of Katie Couric's favorite themes.]

It is happening before your own eyes...Slowly, but it will get nastier soon...Frankly, I see us falling asleep at the switch AGAIN!!! Before too long, this will take hold, then Rove buries us in November.

[Despite the assurances by one William Rivers Pitt that Rove has ALREADY been indicted on May 12.]

The only solution, the only way for us to win, is to move to the left and take the gloves off now...We need Feingold out there on everything progressive, we need Murtha out there on everything Iraq, we need Dean out there on domestic policy, and we need Wesley Clark out there on foreign policy...

[We need Kucinich out there on nationalizing the oil industry...We need Lenin out there on collectivization...]

Then, we need attack dogs: Kerry, Kennedy, Edwards, Gore...etc.

[Wouldn't Edwards be considered an attack poodle?]

Yes, let's take a lead from the Dixie Chicks? I'm not ready to make nice!

[Yeah, lets take a lead from the Dixie Chicks and lose our base of support!]

Don't forget attack dogs Rangel and Conyers etc.

[Don't forget the rabid duo.]

Rangel is One Dog That Needs to be Muzzled. Even hinting that we might bring back the draft could lose us 50 seats in the House.

[Don't worry. Rabid Rangel voted against his own draft bill when it came up for a House vote.]

Rangel is great! Hinting that there might be a draft brought out a lot of young voters in 2004! And they all voted Dem!

[Thanx for putting your finger on the TRUE reason that Rangel introduced his draft bill that he voted against. It was done SOLELY for the purpose of scaring the brain dead MTV fans. Fortunately, few of those deadbeats bothered to vote since they didn't have the patience to wait 10 minutes on a poll line.]

We need to make sure that enough DEMS vote so that every election is a landslide. We have to beat the machines.

Unfortunately, won't happen. Amazing how many doors I knocked on and the Dems said they're not even REGISTERED and had no desire to do so!

[Not to worry. A large block of dead Democrats are currently being registered at cemetary locations all over the country.]

ABANDON ALL HOPE ALL YE WHO CAMPAIGN THIS YEAR! YOUR EFFORTS ARE FUTILE! JUST GO AHEAD AND KILL YOURSELVES NOW!

[Why so gloomy? Shouldn't the DUmmies at least enjoy some Freudenschade first? And speaking of gloom, let us now turn our attention to this gloomy THREAD, "NYT: GOP planning to disenfranchise millions in 06, 08."]

NYT: GOP planning to disenfranchise millions in 06, 08

Looks like Smirk could go into November with 98% disapproval and GOP will still pick up seats.

[It looks like the NY Times is already coming up with a handy excuse if the Democrats are defeated in November. See, if the Democrats win then it would be because of the "will of the people," but a Democrat loss can ONLY be attributable to dirty tricks according to this article.]

Wasn't this one of Mark Crispin Miller's predictionsin "Fooled Again"? That the shenanigans of 2000 and 2004 are just the beginning?

[Mere trial runs for 2006. We now have the Diebold pre-programming techniques down pat.]

They just keep stealing the country. Creeping fascism is building speed.

[WOO! WOO! ALL ABOARD THE CREEPING FASCISM EXPRESS!]

It is largely a "fait accompli".

[True. We own ALL your Diebold machines. Do NOT attempt to adjust your voting screen on election day.]

We can do PLENTY about it. First thing you do, if you truly love your country, is to shoot your television right in the eye.

[FINALLY. A practical solution.]

The repukes CANNOT allow a Dem victory, because that would be followed by a slew of indictments and an overthrowing of their ideological program. They want to stay out of jail, they have to do this. And they know it.

[We need to elect Democrats in order to throw the Republicans in jail and make it a Thought Crime to be a Conservative.]

We all know it, and there isn't a F*CKING thing we can do about it

[Too bad Katie Couric will no longer be on the tube in the morning to perk up your spirits with reports about the "inevitable" Democrat victory this November.]

It's time to sue the crap out of these nazis. They have no concept of honesty or constitutionality or morality. Just naked lust for power and money.

[Now is the time to begin preparing your Election Loss lawsuits.]

Any suit would quickly make it to a Bush hack judge, and at that point would be killed. The Nazis look like cub scouts compared to the current GOP/

[So states another denizen of the "Reality Based Community."]

This is so frustrating I could scream. The majority party is paving the way to keep a permanent majority...where is the outrage.

[We are OUTRAGED that the GOP keeps winning elections. We need to sue them!]

GOP candidates partricipating in this conspiracy need to be charged with conspiracy, don't you think ?

[Charge all GOP candidates with crimes by redefining campaigning as a Republican as a conspiracy and then criminalize it.]

I do registration drives. In 04, I had a stack of maybe 10 completed forms stolen by an unbalanced volunteer. In FL, that would cost $50,000. I would need to stand guard over every volunteer and practically strip search them before they could leave an event to be certain they were not walking off with a few forms.

[Thanx for the early morning laugh at the vision of paranoid you strip searching all your volunteers for registration forms.]

Election theft is far worse than cop-killing. Worse than 9/11 or any incident of terrorism. It is literally High Treason. It undermines the only moral principle on which the nation was founded and continues (in theory) to rest -- that gov't power can only be derived from the consent of the governed.

[Nice head of rabid foam on your mouth there as you work yourself into another insane frenzy.]

NOTHING that the GOP does is criminal, because there is no one to bring them to justice. They have completely saturated the courts, media, and executive branch with members of their syndicate. Anton Scalia said after he fixed election 2000 that nothing in the constitution guarantees a citizen the right to vote. they are above the law, and there is nothing we can do about it, legally. You probably need to come to grips with that fact if you are to pursue a remedy.

[You need to come to grips with that fact by assuming the fetal position on the ground with thumb firmly stuck in mouth.]

We are pointing out that, save the tragic human costs, there is nothing that has been done in our names that can't be undone or remedied. That includes impeachments, war crimes prosecutions, and tax-kickback recovery.

get people invested to the point that they'll be ready to cause a ruckus if the SCOTUS or these GOPrano bastards steal yet another election

[LOL! Thanx for giving me a FUnnie new word to play with in future DUFU editions: "GOPrano."]

we're completely powerless.

[Remember what I said above about assuming the fetal position.]

The next free and fair election will be after the next revolution.

[So DUmmie burythehatchet posted with the strains of "The Internationale" playing in the background.]

Hate to say it, but secret ballots are being used against us.

[We need open ballots so we can harrass the reactionaries who voted for the EVIL Republicans.]

What I predict: Criminal Repubs keep control 06. In 08 they elect a new Repub president and keep control. At this point we see that it is serious. There is no more fooling around. Secret groups will form. Gov will crack down violently and put the new Halliburton detention camps to good use.

[All true except for the part about the Halliburton detention camps. Actually it will be Walmart detention camps. Surely you aren't naive enough to believe that those new Walmart Super Stores being constructed around the country are really stores?]

We begin to live history book history. One of those major turning points for the human race. No more fantasy land for the U.S. We will be living a modern and more violent version of 1789. How it ends is a toss up but in any case I'm afraid the comforts of the 20th century will be gone for decades. A couple of years ago I would have thought I would have to be crazy to say this stuff but unfortunately it seems all too possible at the moment.

[And now we KNOW you're crazy.]

Halliburton Happy Camps. I have no doubt this is the exact reason Halliburton is building those camps. Political dissidents they'll call us. Fallout from election fraud is the first thing that came to mind when I heard about Halliburton's contract - we know it isn't for immigrants (though "bird flu" could put the populations of blue states in them in November I suppose). Bastards will do anything to carry out their evil plan. With luck we'll be sent to psych wards, but more likely these 21st Century Nazis will continue taking their cues from Hitler's playbook.

[Look at the bright side. While you are an inmate of the Halliburton Happy Camps, you will be entitled to Halliburton Happy Meals which consist of rice pilaf with orange glazed chicken.]

11 Comments:

Just when I thought the DUmmies couldn't get any farther away from actual reality ....!

These people are seriously nucking futs, aren't they?

I do like the false paradigm they've established: if Democrats win - it's a victory for the good guys. If Republicans win - it is ALWAYS voter fraud. I'd like to tie a DUmmie down, lash him with spaghetti ... and ask him if there is ANY Republican EVER who has fairly won an election.

Nucking futs. Sums it up.

Here's the funny part: sooner or later, they will win an election or two. How the Hell will they explain that? Won't they be confused?

I'm almost hoping for it. Having to run the country for a while and not just endlessly bitch and moan might slap a little reality into these losers. And "losers" is the perfect word, by the way.

Also by the way: it really is true that more than a few Republicans have been quoted recently actually cheering on the idea of a Speaker Pelosi. They argue that just a few years of Democrat control would finally remind the American people what a bunch of moonbats these losers are (of course, they could just spare us the pain and make everyone read the DUmmieFUnnies).

I love it when the DUmmies get their panties all in a wad thinking about losing the election. I think we ought to send money to Karl Rove (we are just $10 away from making Karl Rove KING of the USA) for being a national scapegoat.

Geez, that is the most paranoid delusional issue I have read in a long, long time... maybe ever... and THAT is saying something!

"The Nazis look like cub scouts compared to the current GOP"

Yeah, especially when it comes to our ruthless treatment of our political opponents. Obviously, as one can plainly see, they are all dead or far too scared to come forth and oppose us publicly! Amerika Über Alles!

LOL!!!

"Election theft is far worse than cop-killing. Worse than 9/11 or any incident of terrorism. It is literally High Treason. It undermines the only moral principle on which the nation was founded and continues (in theory) to rest -- that gov't power can only be derived from the consent of the governed."

You don't really think famous Dems like Huey Long, Chicago Mayor Richard J. Daley and the old denizens of Tamany Hall should be brought back from the dead and tried for treason, now do you, DUmmie??? And while we're at it, should Democrats Christine Gregoire and Mary Landrieu (among others) be shot or hung? Just wondering. (Dumbass!)

"Halliburton Happy Camps. I have no doubt this is the exact reason Halliburton is building those camps. Political dissidents they'll call us. Fallout from election fraud is the first thing that came to mind when I heard about Halliburton's contract - we know it isn't for immigrants (though "bird flu" could put the populations of blue states in them in November I suppose). Bastards will do anything to carry out their evil plan. With luck we'll be sent to psych wards, but more likely these 21st Century Nazis will continue taking their cues from Hitler's playbook."

Okay... this person isn't certifiably crazy. Not a bit paranoid. Nope. Don't see why anyone would get that impression. Perfectly rational. Nothing to see here, move along...

If a DUmmie soils itself in front of its computer the day after an elcectoral loss by democrats, does anybody smell it?Just their mommies, when they shove their meals thru the slot under the basement door....

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I am a 30,000 year old reincarnated being who materializes once every 5000 years in a Las Vegas hotel suite. My greatest goal in my eternal life is to spend 6 months on a small tropical island with Mary Matalin doing nothing but pitching a DUmmie FUnnies book (with CD-ROM insert) deal with her. If you happen to be Mary Matalin, please contact me at:
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