Friday, March 7, 2008

This Just In: I'm Out!

Recently, I negotiated a new contract with myself. While I can't reveal the terms of this contract, I can tell you that I did manage to wrangle some extra vacation time as part of my package. So I'll be cashing some of that in next week. Consider it a week-long "Snobbatical." I will resume regular updates on Monday, March 17th.

But rest assured, I will not be idle during this time. I'll be taking the blog in for extensive wind tunnel testing, as celebrity cycling coach Chris Carmichael informs me that I might benefit from a more aerodynamic font. And this blog is about one thing: results!

If you find yourself bummed out during my absence, I suggest you go here. Or, just curl up in front of the Snobbaticule Log:

what am I, chopped liver? You think you can just down tools and go on holiday when it suits you? What do you think I pay you not any of my good money for? What am I, the spoilt and pampered pro reader supposed to do without you, my ever willing domestique, to service my every need?You're fired. Like Michael Ball I don't need you snob. Just you wait, I'm going to write the best bike blog ever. It won;t ever go on holiday. And you can't read it

fare thee well snob, you will be missed, like a stray sock on laundry day when you have run out of socks except for this one which you find waaaaayyy back in the draw and can't even remember buying or owning or something along those lines. Which would be to say, you wouldn't really be missed much at all except on rare occassions, which wouldn't really be accurate, so perhaps you should just ignore this simile and instead just accept the fact that you will be missed in some capacity by some people in some places

Like a tubular glue sniffing addict after an intervention... the cold sweats, the dizzying highs, the halucinations, the terrifying lows, you will be jonesed for in your absence.c'mon man, just one more snide comment...

some sort of warning would have been nice so that we could prepare ourselves for this leave as we had to do during your christmas leave. God, work is going to hate me now that my daily fix has been taken away. great.

but I agree, this is kind of fishy nonetheless, have you been tagged the bike bomber?

i love sitting in front of a nice youtube fire in one window while watching the geraldo/manson interview in another window over and over again. i guess i'll do it every day until the 17th. by the way, are you MAC or PC? im waiting for computersnob.blogspot.com. you could hate on everyone sporting the newest apple equipment. you could make quizzes from photos of people leaving the apple store in soho. you would be great at that. maybe rollerbladesnob? you could talk about how true rollerblading has been tarnished by these aggressive inline skaters. or tennisshoesnob? how shoes were meant for the track and not in boutiques. whitesnob? blacksnob? jewsnob?gentilesnob? homosexualsnob? straightsnob?...it doesnt really matter. there will always be two sides. neither is right or wrong. your blog is hilarious from that respect. i think people comment so much on your page for two reasons: 1)they are too scared to voice there own opinion so its easy to side with someone who is so blatantly outspoken. 2)they take what you say so personally because they arent confident enough about what they are doing to take it with a grain of salt. obviously you believe what you write so do the damn thing! peace.

I've taken the liberty to start a list of topics to get the sniping going while BSNYC is gone. I'm surpised it hasn't already, but like survivors in a raft, we will soon enough be at each other's throats.

Here's some hot button topics to get everyone's blood up and pass the time.

*elipses and periods; Less is more?*links that hijack your browser*anything Prolly is happens to be doing at the moment*lycra*fake v. real messengers: Does it matter?*The Vegan, 3rd wave feminism, cthulhu, recovery rubricon*Daniel's gay credentials

In last night's episode of King of the Hill, Hank took on some hipsters trying to overrun his Mexican coworker's neighborhood and won. I found the tone Mike Judge used toward them throughout the episode to be quite humorous. No brakeless fixies, though. If a prime time show is satirizing hipsters, could that be a sign of an even bigger apcoclypse? Maybe Bikesnob saw it coming and headed for the hills.

I almost got to see a trendster with metallic gold deep V's eat it crossing some light rail tracks today. Why do they call it the benign indifference of the Universe when nothing that I want to happen ever happens?

day one: All is well, hey maybe I'll actually do some work around here. Day two: this isn't so bad, why do I read this stuff anyway?Day three: snob, SNOB I am getting tired of the fire. Surely are things happening out there that require your input. HELP, I need to read the snobness of your blog!!

- He commutes to work (Mon-Fri) on a bike (the result of an INCREDIBLY LARGE income maybe?)

Didn't mean to come across as a dick, but lots of people (including myself) bike places to save money. And teachers are pretty underpaid. But I hope my change adequately reflects how people with tons of money commute on a bike year round.

Man, if BSNYC is Prolly... yikes. That would be like the time I found out that the Easter Bunny was actually my dad. I'm still pretty sure that he's Barack Obama though. It only makes sense.

Man, I love bsnyc's readers almost as much as snob. I spent 5 days in the hospital since last thursday. 2 days under my parents care, I have 90% nerve damage in my arm, future physical therapy and 20gs in med bills since my medicaid didn't cover the hospital i went to. My parents are getting a divorce after 28 years and the pain pills I take seem to numb emotions as well as my body because I'm happy. All I can bring up is the fact that I deleted my myspace today after 4 years of having it and just like that I have vanished from the radar of every hipster in denver. Wiped clean from their lurking eyes and existance itself. Just as much, I'm going to take to night riding to avoid any type of confrontation with hipsters on bikes. I just want to ride my brakeless track bike on the streets of denver without being eyehumped and judged by every hipster along the way. Maybe it will be like forest gump and ill gain a small fallowing of riders who just want to ride without all the tacky hipster guidelines that fallow. Maybe I'm just bitter that someone stole my spokecard that carried the phrase "I am NOT a courier" on it. Maybe I will just be liberated from the whole steriotype of bikepunk and be the epitome of every hipsters goal by succeeding being the most original and unique through avoiding the scene all together and still manage to carry ideas that hipsters made dirty. Though any hipster from any other state would look at a hipster from denver and roll their eyes because kids here think they are "the shit" but really they have no idea why they got "animal rights" tattooed next to their cog tattoo, and why they wear cinelli cycling caps yet have no components on their bike made by that company or that may be the same for any state. Yes I'm truely sorry for ranting, but I needed to vent somewhere, I've had a world of sh** happen to me in the last month and I can only find comfort in reading bsnyc as well as its readers comments. Thank you. Sorry about grammar and spelling, oxydcodon really messes up a straight edge kid. I leave you with this question: is there any rugged edgy man that rides a bike, wears peacoats and scarves, showers regularly enjoys chai, and indulges in intellectual conversations about a variety of world politics out there?

Wow, I use that word hipster a lot. It kinda bothers me that I did. Just letting you know I don't hate hipsters, and I'm not generalizing a population. I'm talking about the kids who verbaly use the term hipster to explain the person they are. The kids that claim to be a "hipster," the actions they take and pride they take in putting others down. the last post is directed towards those individuals.

Xride, the men you are looking for are out there. We are just already doing the night (secret) rides and following our own path. Early sat morning training rides are my favorite. The nastier the conditions the better, as it helps put the rest of the world in perspective.

i'm sorry for your accident. i feel your pain. my wipeout cost $30k, six teeth, two stainless plates, and i'm still on lortab. the men you seek are out there, although we're generally twice your age and live in the midwest. i did live in denver in 1984 however, and i'm still a "punk"...

This seller justifies the aproaching $4.00/gal. gas prices as an excuse to charge $250 (two hundred and fifty dollars) for a green SCHWINN VARSITY. My dad bought me a new green Schwinn Varsity when I was in 7th grade and I think I remember it cost $169in 1982. When I went off to college, he gave me an old Paramount that he rode with his buddies during the 70's bike boom, so it's all good.

jimmynickI read your signature line, "Ipu Anpeeinapeloton" a couple days ago, but I must have read it too fast - I read it as just some normal Indian name. Boy, I'm dense. That is freakin' hilarious!! Thanks.

About Me

While I love cycling and embrace it in all its forms, I'm also extremely critical. So I present to you my venting for your amusement and betterment. No offense meant to the critiqued. Always keep riding!