Mom's Organized Chaos

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About Me

I'd like to think of myself as a work in progress. Who and what I am is constantly evolving. I am a mother of two amazing girls (16 years old and 8 years old) and one beautiful little 3 year old boy.
I am a stay at home mom for the moment. I am a poet. I am a writer. I'm currently writing two books: a sci-fi novel and a fantasy novel. I am a daydreamer. I kinda like being different.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

I am a creature of habit. I am resistive to change. That may be a gross understatement. I guess it still remains to be seen. I think as people we all are. Rituals and routines are soothing.

All changes, even the most longed for have their melancholy, for what we leave behind is a part of ourselves. We must die to one life before we can enter another. - Antole France

With the ability to do things faster you would think it would free up time to spend on more meaning pursuits. But instead of doing that companies are now pushing three or more FTEs (full time employee) workloads onto a single employee to maximize their profits. And we won't even talk about what that has done to the family unit.Before I go much farther I want to state very emphatically: The advances in technology are not to blame for everything but I honestly believe that it is what got the ball rolling. I think we were psychologically unprepared to keep up with the rapid changes.

Now that so much of our time is consumed at work, people try to compensate by multitasking. Instead of spending a lazy day with your kids laying in the grass encouraging them to imagine what the different shapes of the clouds could be you spend 30 minutes drilling into them that those are cumulus clouds and teach them to say cloud in spanish. Kids getting together is no longer just a pleasant way to pass the time with friends, it is networking and an education in group dynamics.

It's not just childhood that is rushed through. Everything is a rush. You can't go to dinner with your family without taking a call on your cell phone. The fact that technology has made everything accessible faster and it advances so quickly has instilled this attitude of instant gratification in every aspect of our lives.

The ideal tyranny is that which is ignorantly self-administered by its victims. The most perfect slaves are, therefore, those which blissfully and unawaredly enslave themselves. - Dresden James

Clothing trends, hairstyles, and makeup are out of style before a season is over. In fact, any trend is over before it barely even starts. Everything changes too quickly. By the time the battery dies on your cordless phone, it's cheaper to buy a new phone that is more powerful that the original one you had. Computers, which really in the long run haven't been around that long, are almost obsolete before you can even get it shipped to your home.Integrity and taking pride in your job are becoming more and more rare. There aren't enough hours in the day to get the job done and really devote yourself to quality assurance. Customer service and just plain common courtesy have gone to the wayside. People just don't seem to have the time anymore.

Most people do not really want freedom, because freedom involves responsibility, and most people are frightened of responsibility. - Sigmund Freud

All of this rushing and instant gratification adds up to a whole lot of poor decision making. Since the loftier scholarly or spiritual goals seem unattainable people pursue materialistic goals. In such a disposable society it seems like that is all you ever do. More and more importance is placed on getting ahead financially. So you can obtain the next great thing. Human interaction begins to suffer.

As relationships become more superficial, people start to lose faith in humanity as a whole. You can't count on your friends or damaged family unit when you are in a bind. So who do people turn to? The government. All the sudden Big Brother is the affectionate term for your surrogate family.

Any one who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job. - Douglas Adams

So what if the person who won the popular vote wasn't elected president? The electoral college was created by the government for a reason. Terrorists have attacked our country? It's ok, we can give away a few personal freedoms in exchange for a feeling of safety. Big Brother is taking care of us. He can watch over us at the airport. He can watch over us in our cars. He can even keep us safe in our own homes.

Sure we were attacked by an organization led by Osama bin Laden and he is hiding in a country that practice atrocities against women and children. Oh wait, a few weeks later there are weapons of mass destruction in a neighboring country. The women and children can wait. We know how to get that dictator. No, we can't go back to our original goal (it was all about keeping us safe right?) that would leave their country in shambles. We haven't won yet. If we quit that means we lost. Let's just keep sacrificing our good men and women in the armed forces. It doesn't matter that 74% of us don't think it's working. This is a democracy, why should it matter what the majority thinks? We don't have the time to deal with things like that. We need to put in extra hours so we can buy an XBox 360.

Monday, December 18, 2006

This is for all of you who have read 1984 by George Orwell....And for those of you that haven't - you should it's an awesome read...Periodically I update what would be in my room 101.It started out that I would be locked ina room full of mosquitos.Then it was a room full of mosquitos listening to twangy country music...Then it was in the back of a cab in Mexico, with the heater running full blast, being eaten alive my mosquitos, listening to twangy country, with my daughter, Malikah, complaining that we weren't there yet.I need to revise yet again.My room 101 is now in the back of a cab in Mexico, with the heater running full blast being eaten alive my mosquitos, listening to twangy country, with my daughter, Malikah, complaining that we weren't there yet all while wearing an underwire bra that doesn't fit with the wire stabbing me in the ribs during my period.Yep that would be my ultimate personal hell. What's yours?

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

The other night my family and I went to a birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese. There was a couple with another group that had me entertained all evening. I'm not really sure that I have adequate words to describe them. The female part of this couple had a mullet, an eye patch and poorly fitted dentures that kinda pointed out of her mouth towards you. The best description I have for the male part of this couple was old and fat David Crosby.

They didn't do anything special or different than the rest of the people that were there. They just sat there. And for some reason I found them horribly amusing. I could picture them sitting outside their trailer in their lawn chairs hollering at the kids to go get them another beer or they wouldn't get to go to Chuck E. Cheese. And when they left I was thinking, 'Yep pack it up quick or you will miss WWE.'After a while my conscience woke back up and told me that I was wrong to make assumptions about these people. Just because some one looks a certain way doesn't mean I know everything about them. The more I started to think about this I realized I'm a very prejudiced person. I make snap judgements about people all the time.

I started out with this kind of idiotic assumption making rather young. For instance, the first time I had sex. I was madly in love with my boyfriend and I had decided it was time. So one afternoon while my family was away we set up our moment down in the basement. We turned down the lights, played some Howard Hewitt and laid down a sleeping bag on the floor. I had no problem kissing and caressing and getting naked in front of him. But I had never seen a man naked before. So for his portion of getting undressed I lay down on the sleeping bag and covered my head with a pillow. And after he was undressed I was so nervous I couldn't peek out from under the pillow. He parted my legs and his knee bumped into my thigh. Well remember, I had my head under the pillow so I had no idea what part of his anatomy just bumped into my thigh, but you can imagine what I thought. 'Oh my God he's HUGE! I'm about to die.' Boy was I wrong.

I still use this sort of ridiculous half assed logic today.

Here are a few examples:

Whenever I see a guy driving a truck that looks like this I don't think 'Oh this guy likes to go 4 wheeling.' No, all I can think when I see this is 'He is overcompensating.That guy has a little dick.' And I'm sure that there are plenty of well endowed off road enthusiasts but I will still have that thought every time.

Whenever I see some one sagging their pants I don't think 'Look at this gangsta and his fashion sense.' I think 'here is a guy who is too poor to get pants or a belt that are the right size for him.' I know that for some reason this foolish and drafty habit is all the rage in younger style circles but I will never get it.

Whenever I see a guy over 25 driving a convertible I don't think 'Now there goes a finacially secure man who has good taste in cars.' I automatically think 'There goes a midlife crisis.' And really only guys born with silver spoons in their mouth can afford to drive a nice convertible sportscar when they are young. The insurance alone is a killer. But again, my mind is stuck in stereotypes.

A good looking, well dressed man who has good manners? Am I thinking 'What a catch!' Nope. If his socks match the rest of his outfit I am thinking 'He is SO gay.' I know that there are guys out there who have good manners, are very attractive and learned how to dress but I guess I'm just stuck with my preconceptions.

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

1. My eyes were blue until I was 7 years old. Then they turned green.2. I love fog. Especially when there is a power outage.3. My favorite villain of all times is Ursula the sea witch in The Little Mermaid.4. I used to have a reoccurring dream that I was saving a world that used shit as its primary energy source.5. I have had my thyroid removed.6. I am afraid of change.7. I have worn firefly butts as earrings.8. I used to believe that fairies lived inside milkweed pods.9. I am a writer.10. I have started 9 books. I have never finished any of them.11. I have a horrible singing voice.12. For some reason every time I drive to CO Springs I have to sing Idiot Boyfriend by Jimmy Fallon.13. I am a Colorado native.14. I have an older brother that lives in South Dakota.15. I have always wanted to work for NASA.16. I have never had to pluck my eyebrows.17. I drive a Scion XB.18. On October 27th I will have lived in and owned my condo for 6 years.19. I have smoked for 19 years.20. I love the smell of coffee. I cant stand the taste.21. I cut my wedding cake with a sword.22. I love candles that smell like food.23. My favorite dessert is key lime pie.24. I had my first daughter when I was 17 years old.25. I just realized this is a lot harder than it looks.26. I am stubborn.27. I had a praying mantis named Linda for a pet when I was a kid.28. I like to be right.29. I dont have any fillings in my mouth.30. Im going to be an Auntie in the spring next year.31. I used to work for social services, Bonfils blood center, Antarctic Support Associates and Raytheon.32. Im proud of my jobs.33. Its been a little over 4 years since I have had a paying job.34. Being a stay at home mom is a lot harder than it looks.35. I can never use vanilla air freshener in a car because it reminds me of some one I loved.36. I dont like it when people sing happy birthday to me in a restaurant.37. I love it when people sing happy birthday to me at home.38. I love Vietnamese egg rolls.39. I had insomnia for 6 years.40. I want to own a Neapolitan Mastiff or a Great Dane.41. I have a gargoyle statue named George.42. I am a horrible bowler. My average is 33.43. I am close friends with one of my high school teachers.44. I hate it when people ride the butt of the car in front of them.45. I have never been arrested.46. I am superstitious.47. I love all the late 80s early 90s one hit wonder bands.48. I am forgetful.49. I like cinnamon flavored toothpaste.50. When I get nervous I pull on my hair from behind my back.51. If some one calls and wakes me up I can never admit to being asleep.52. I wont answer the phone when I am eating dinner.53. I cant roll my tongue to say Rs in Spanish.54. I have walked into a parked car before.55. My initials used to be BS. Now they are BJ. I liked the first set better.56. My favorite car is a 67 mustang fastback forest green with a tan interior.57. When I am sleepy I tug on my eyebrows.58. I still remember all the words to Children Story by Slick Rick.59. I want to learn the traditional dancing of India.60. I hate mosquitoes.61. I used to dream of genetically engineering them to all be born without tongues so they would all die.62. I love Celestial Seasonings Blueberry tea.63. I think peacocks are beautiful.64. I love the noise of their cry too.65. I can sew beautiful quilts.66. I cant sew on buttons.67. My grandma died two years ago and it still makes me cry.68. I love roller-skating at Skate City. 69. I am a Taurus. (May 9th)70. I own two cats: Nina and Mr. Garibaldi.71. My favorite number is 999.72. I cant stand being in a car longer than 10 hours.73. I save my really good answering machine and voicemail messages.74. I have two certifications: Early Childhood Education and Administrative Assistant.75. I love to know what people are thinking.76. My favorite color is gray.77. I like rainy days.78. I didnt learn how to drive until I was 19 years old. 79. I have shaved a mans head with a straight razor.80. I love the smell of Drakkar cologne.81. I admire people who are sure of themselves.82. I am very self-conscious.83. I dont believe that war ever solved anything.84. I love gyros.85. I wear the same shoes size that I wore in seventh grade.86. Chipper morning people annoy me.87. I have been proposed to by 20 different people.88. Im not into sports.89. I love going to the Renaissance festival in costume.90. I am a packrat.91. I like to eat dinner food at breakfast time.92. I dont usually eat breakfast.93. I dont like people touching my face.94. I like to laugh.95. When I get really mad my lips disappear and there is just a line where they used to be.96. Talking to people is my favorite pastime.97. Sometimes I talk to myself.98. I can write really, really, really small.99. I am a very passionate person. 100. I have a headache now.