boolyblog

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

The Folly of Carpentry.

Today I am winning a war with my shelving capacity. It would not be so bad if I actually had the energy to do what I am trying to do. That's the problem right there, I dont. I have a "difficulty" that some people call ME. Its to do with having had EBV in my youth and then recurrent viruses, which seem to be accompanied by strong allergic responses. It all makes sense when you know that the immune system has two modes, one for fighting viruses and one for fighting bacteria, broadly speaking.

The real distinction is more along the lines of fighting intracellular threats or extracellular threats. The immune system normally flipflops with a kind of dynamic instability, commiting itself to total warfare in one arena or the other. There are a few biochemical checks and balances that are supposed to make it respond to threats appropriately and function like clockwork. Trouble is EBV and related viruses have learned how to throw a spanner in the works and can trick the immune system into activating the wrong mode, ie not the anti-viral mode, so the viruses can run amuck meanwhile allergies are exaggerated. That is why people like me have both an underactive immune system and an overactive immune system at the same time. We have an underactive antiviral response and an overactive extracellular allergic response because the virus has jammed the lever all the way over to the other kind of response from the one that kills viruses. You would expect that from a virus as they are low sorts and presumably evolved that kind of trick because it helps them survive.

Anyway there seems to be a related problem with energy. My body seems to shut down energy production, or maybe the virus does, noone knows yet. But it feels like someone pulled the plug. Like having flu 24/7, you just dont have the energy and so people call it fatigue, but its not really right to call it fatigue, which implies you have done something to get tired, its more like energy starvation. Consequently putting up shelves is a bit of an uphill task. Today I put three wall battens up on one side of the alcove where I want three shelves to sit. I actually made the six battens over the last few days, an hour or so a day and took another day to gather my tools together and place the dust sheet. For three days I couldn't do anything because I overdid it on the day I collected the wood, but now I am back in the game and playing to win, an hour a day.

It will probably take me about two weeks to do what your average handyman could do in three hours. Its not a complaint its just an observation. That is my life and I intend to make the best of it, for which purpose shelving is required.

About Me

Before I became ill I like to think I was pretty normal. OK at school in Monmouth I was a bit of a rebel. Against the odds I gained a place at Oriel College Oxford to read Zoology. There I also enjoyed rowing and acting. In my third year (1986) disaster struck, a mysterious illness characterised by a recurrent virus and severe allergies sapped my energy and simply would not go away. It affected my mind and body profoundly. I fought to complete my degree over an additional year, then I became even iller and knew only that I had to rest. For ten years no doctor could offer a diagnosis. In those days in the wilderness, alone and ill, living in bedsits on benefit, I came close to the edge of reason. For a while I think I may have gone over the edge into madness but eventually I found my way home to the spark of sanity which remained. I survived, reason returned, then I acquired a diagnosis of sorts and began the painful task of mastering my delirium and learning how to manage life with a disease like AIDS crossed with schizophrenia. All the while still searching for the truth about it. I am now 53, a Zoology grad with an 'M.E.' diagnosis and way too much time on his hands.