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Short post tonight as my mind is elsewhere. SS, so glad to see you post and happy to hear of your adventures with the little ones! I like being "Auntie" myself, but don't know how I would do on my own, prob too strict, lol! Remind me, does Cop #2 know your status? I don't think he does but I can't recall....You need a distraction from #1, for both your benefit and his, until the dust settles, so to speak.

Cristy and Betty~ I too have been struggling with the job thing, as you know. Only very recently, this week, have I tried to figure out another possibility for my game plan. I DO have insurance coverage with full help from MADAP until 9/30/08. So, if I can't land a FT job with benefits, I have the option to work a couple of PT jobs and still have my coverage. I could have flexible schedules and still have time to search on the side. When I think of it, landing 2 PT jobs offers a world of possibilities and is prob pretty easy. It would give me variety and would be FUN, while I get back to a day routine! I just might try it. My former catering boss offered some hours, and Bath & Body Works needs PT help at the mall by me. Sounds like fun to me!

I hear you both, I have been wondering about SSDI too, but I would seriously compromise my lifestyle if I did that. I just can't do it now.

I figured out that Stone is still on dating websites and I guess I knew that he was, but it hit me hard today. There was so much jealousy and I was sick to my stomach. I feel that I have invested a lot of myself in the "both" of us. I don't IM the guys I used to, I have been loyal to Stone even though he hasn't asked me to be. I have put him on a pedastal and have respected him, have been a confidant, you all know, we are very close. So, it just hurt to think that he gave his IM out to someone. I tracked her ass down on the internet, too. LOL On many pos websites. I just want he and I to see where this will go. I finally had to call him today and lost my composure on the phone. I was crying and trying to be so strong. I didn't realize I had felt so strongly about him until I saw "her" add request on his computer. I just met his family this weekend, and thats what really made it hurt. He says just because he IMs doesn't mean he'll date, he said he thought we would both see where things would go with the two of us.

I really care about him, GFs. I see great things for us, I really do. Oh man, I am going to go watch "Sex and the City" and try to have a good laugh. He said we would talk later but he hasn't called again yet. I miss him tonight. Sigh.....

Thanks for the kind thoughts regarding my brother.

Queen~ I am thinking of you tonight, will be on later if you want to chat. Q and I are in the dumps, life can be so hard sometimes. She and I just need a timeout already.

Cin, I hope you didn't misunderstand me. I am an SSDI. Yes, it does put a serious crimp in a lifestyle someone can become accustomed to. I've been on it for 17 years. I'm just looking for part-time work now to get some extra cash. I don't know what to tell you about Stone. You need to somehow detach from that. Take a personal day or something and just be good to yourself without that involving him. Let him know you're getting on with your life and then do that. It does seem odd that he would have you meet his family if he's still going to date others. But then again, maybe he won't date that girl. But I'm always suspect when it comes to others in the game of love.

Cristy, I'm so glad your little one's dentist visit went well. That can be a very frightening time for the kids. I used to absolutely hate going to the dentist. Now, since I have dentures, I haven't seen the inside of a dentist's office since 1989 and I can honestly say that I haven't missed it at all. But dental health is important, so I'm glad your kid's experiences can be pleasant.

Queen I hope you're doing alright. Haven't seen anything from you today. It's so hard to be in the depths of depression. You know you've got us. I wish we all lived around each other so we could all get together for a real hen party!

I hope all you ladies are doing alright. It's quiet around here-

Edited to add: Still no smoking!

« Last Edit: September 19, 2007, 10:31:44 PM by Bettytacy »

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I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Nothing new here but got my new Vitamixer. its a high powered blender that you can juice fruits. make smoothies from fresh fruits with not adding any liquid, make sauces, soups, breads. It has basically taken over my Cuisinart and regular blender.

Moon: My advise to you with the Stone situation is stick to your guns. My last two boyfriends were cheating on me via the internet. They were talking to other girls and when I asked them to stop they did not. To me this was disrespectful to me since I was not IM'ing other guys and when I asked them to stop I got the same old story that they were just talking, but it did not set well with me. My last boyfriend I met on Poz and when I caught him the first time he told me it was not cheating, it was just a precursor to cheating. He kept on doing it, and I turned into a mad women checking his email several times a day to see who he was talking to and would even delete emails before he saw them. Now keep in mind we were in a committed relationship and I don't know where things stand with you and Stone so you may need to establish that first. I am sorry for telling you my story and I am sure Stone is innocent but I know what you are going through and feeling. I will never let another guy stay on a dating website or IM other women unless they are friends prior to us dating and that it one of the conditions if I am going to be in a committed relationship. I hope things get ironed out.

Going to bed, my Atripla kept me awake till 3 am and had to be up at 530 am

How is everyone today? I am concerned about you Queen. Haven't heard anything from you. I hope things are going better.

Today I have to take a drug screen for this part-time job I might be getting. If I get it, I'll start in a couple weeks. It's a telemarketing job, but everyone there gets paid an hourly wage, so it's not strictly commission. If it was, I wouldn't do it. And if I work there, it would be 9-3 Mon-Fri. Just something for some extra money. Liz called me last night and asked me if I wanted to come over and watch a movie, but I was dragging ass, so I declined. We're supposed to do something this weekend, maybe Friday night. I also have tons of homework I need to get done. I have been in such a procrastinating mood lately, and not sure why. I do miss my mum an awful lot. We used to play Jeopardy over the phone on the nights I'm not in school, and I miss that. She always said that was one of the reasons her mind stayed so sharp. Anyway....

I hope everyone's having a peaceful morning. Talk later-

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I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Thanks for the concern ladies. I have not been responding because I have been stressed but has been following the posts. I know, you all are prolly saying when isn't she stressed about something? I put my son out yesterday. I just could not take it anymore and since he thinks it so easy out there, let him try to make it on his own since he thinks he is grown. Let him have to deal with the things I have to as an adult. He did stop by today to get something but not his clothes which he says he will get later. As far as his job, he is prolly fired already for calling off and his quick answer for that is to sell drugs. He doesn't care about getting caught or going to jail, to him it is like a badge of honor. I made him aware that they are doing drug stings out there, be careful. So more power to him.

I am also stressing about Boo but due to my tude with my son I snapped on him. He has had a fever for a few days and is not eating anything. He is taking in fluids. I suggested he talk to his doctor about this but for some strange reason he doesn't think his doctor will do anything but I think he just doesn't want to go into the hospital. I made suggestions to him such as a cold compress to try to break the fever but he had an excuse for everything which just pissed me off more. Then on top of that he knows the situation with my son but says I shouldn't give up on him...WTF? But I'm suppose to continue to let him take advantage, well that threw me into a fury and I just shut down my yahoo and went to bed. So there it is in a nutshell but am feeling a bit fragile...Maybe I will chat with you ladies later..

OMG Queen, I am so sorry to read this. I had no idea... and about Boo is there anyone you can talk to about this, I mean about your son? Is there anyone who might be able to talk to your son that he might listen to? A friend or an older guy or relative? I wrote here once that I was acting out as a kid, I was really bad. I didn't sell drugs though. This is so tough.Like I wrote before I am sorry I haven't any word of advice but I can just hear you out.Maybe the guys would have some advice, I don't know.

I am thinking of you & wishing you all the strength.

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"If you keep one foot in yesterday, and one in tomorrow, you piss all over today". Betty Tacy

I am his last resort or it's going into a home. I called a caseworker from CYS and he told me there is nothing they can do that I would have to go to motion court and get an order of some sort. I'm sure you all are wondering where did he get selling drugs from, well that gift would've come from my sister, she use to and she also asked someone that was close to her to show him how. Yep, tis true. In some respects, I feel this is also my fault because I gave my sister custody of him. When I say he is not your average 16 soon to be 17 yr old he is not. The only role model he seems to have is my cousin who just got out of jail not long ago from doing an 8 year bid. He will not listen to anyone, I have tried talking to him til I was blue in the face. It does no good. The only thing I can do is wait for him to get in some type of trouble where he will have to be put in the system. Sad, I know but I see no other choice.

i am so sorry to hear about what you're dealing with with your son. as a mother, i can only imagine how hard that would be...but like drag said - is there someone, a positive male role model he trusts that he can talk with? someone who will help him through this stubborn time in his life? i remember all too well that when i was a kid i didn't want to listen to my mom or god forbid, my dad...but an aunt, uncle, friend...that would have felt better.

if there is no one...we can only hope and pray that he will make the best choices and the right decisions. i pray that he is safe tonight...and i will also pray that strength will get you through this.

Queen, I am so very sorry to hear about this turn of events. It is so hard to make them act right and when it really comes down to it, we can't make them do anything. You are correct, there has to be a point where you say Enough.I hope it doesn't come to him being put in the system as a criminal. Wish I knew of some way to help but you know how mine is doing. I am thinking of you and your son and hoping everything turns around. As far as Boo, I don't think it's fair for him to make you stress by being stubborn. He obviously needs to do see his doctor but you can't make him. Maybe it would be better to let him stew for a day or 2 then try again. Best of luck. I will write again tomorrow ladies. Cristy

Oh Queen- I am so sorry about your son. But there's really nothing you can do to change what he's doing. He sounds like he's pretty head-strong with what he is going to do. If he does get into trouble with the law, maybe that would be the best thing for him, I don't know. It's too bad that kids think they can get by in life by selling drugs, but I suppose they never think of the consequences of that. You know, my second ex's brother got busted for selling over 1000 lbs of marijuana and had to do federal time, where there was no day-for-a-day. That broke him from selling. About Boo, there's nothing you can do there either. If he wants to get better, he's going to have to decide that and do something about it. I can detach from people pretty easy because I have a big acceptance level of where someone's at.

As for the rest of you girls, I hope you all are o.k. It's early here, as it usually is when I post. I read my paper in my philosophy class last night and it went alright. Today makes day #12 without a cigarette. I can't believe it. I think I'm not smoking now just to prove to people that I can do it. I still get cravings, but now they are psychological. I have some chewing sticks (tea tree flavored) that I use. Other than that, I really don't have a very exciting life I guess. Hope everyone's o.k., at least hanging in there.

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I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

GQ: I am sorry to read of the struggles your son is going through and those you are going through, too. I know you know it will get better. Meanwhile, take good care of yourself in every way possible.ML: Good luck on your interview...if I recall correctly, it's today. And, regarding the heartsick stuff, I can feel the stinging sensation through your posts. I hope you have relief soon.BT: Congrats on the paper and isn't it wonderful you read it smoke-free?CJC: Looking forward to your next post.BELIEF: Still enjoying the " Oh The Places You'll Go" how aproposDRAG, TENDAI, and those who are new, I hope everyone has a peaceful weekend. I thought I would post far less this week because something went sideways with the adoption. I enlisted help and now must wait. Very long and often frustrating process. Otherwise, all is well which includes GM. Hopefully, new work is soon in the mix, too.CAMILLE, where be thee?

Just to update, I saw my son last night. He stopped by for something or other. What he was telling me was not good but hey he wanted to be grown. He did complain of being hungry so I gave him some food to take with him. I made some calls yesterday to see about him being emancipated but he doesn't fall under the scope to be emancipated. Meaning he doesn't have a job because I am sure by now he got fired and he doesn't have his own place. I told him this but I guess it means now that he will be doing other illegal things to get by.

I haven't talked to Boo at all last night. I don't know if he is mad about how I left the other night or not. I sent him an IM explaining my actions and even apologizing to him but has heard nothing back. At the moment I am too upset about other things to even care really. I am stressing with a bill collector about payment on a bill that was suppose to have been taken care of last week but even that has fallen through. As Moon would say, I am in a dark place right about now and feeling depressed. I just feel like saying fuck everything and crawling in a corner somewhere to die. I wish I had more pleasant news to report or to just be able to crack a few jokes but things right now just isn't funny...

Hello ladies. Queen, sorry to read that you are in a dark place. Hope things get better soon. ML, sorry about that stuff with Stone. I wouldn't be happy with it either.Hopefully you can talk with him about it and work things out. Really tired today. Took robert to the doctor and got him some Zyrtec for allergies. He has been coughing and all that. We also went to Walmart to get my medicines. And buy some hairspray. Yes, I have a wonderfully interesting life . i wanted to go see my cousin but I called and she wasn't home. I have suspended my personals account for right now but might reopen it if I get real bored. Since I'm off all weekend, I might get that bored.. Nothing new. I will check back in later. Hope everyone is having a good night. Cristy

Queen, i'm sorry you're there. I prayed my way out of it. It's a scary landscape....I'm praying for you. And if you don't, you woke up today,..it's cliche I know...but a co worker died at 55 this week from a heart attack. Life sucks I know but you're still with us:)'

Yeah, this is true, Camille. Things are getting a little better with my son. He has been stopping by to see me and there is no bad blood. I still keep trying to talk to him and he still tries to tell me that it is not on deaf ears but we will see. Since he is no longer working, I have been trying to talk him into going to night school or join the job corp, just to get his education and a trade. We checked out the site together and he put their number in his phone. I guess that is a start. I am trying to get him to go to night school on Monday, he says he will but you know how that goes. I will remind him on Sunday but one can only hope. So,the hurt is lifting a little bit but I still worry about him out there.

I got blood work after 8 months ( I know you will all "gw-fall" or gasp but yes my doctor told me 6 months and it just turned into 8 months. So the i'm waiting. Trust me my doctor is one of THE BEST. life is not all cheery and wonderful with my new boyfriend. There are a lot of issues....he's from South Africa (british) and feels a need to do everything for me. I am constantly asking what can I do , what can I effing bring...its asburd cause its always nothing. I can't set the table or clear the table (you guys are thinking this is great) but when I went to the bathroom he was upset because I ddn't offer him a beer when I got up....is it me or what?

Nothing new to report here, just really tired and work is very crazy. Queen, I am very sorry to hear of troubles you are having with your son. As far as a role model goes for your son what about a preacher or school counselor? I am not sure if he is still going to school or not. I have not idea about this, what about Big Brothers/Big Sisters. I am not sure if he is to old for that program or not. Well, I think you just need to know that you have been a good Mother, Mentor and Friend and have you have done everything you can and you should be commended for that. I am sorry to hear about Boo. Maybe he just needs to be in his dark space for awhile and I bet that he will come around. Hang in there we are all pulling for you.

Cristy-Sorry to hear about Roberts allergy's. I hope he is feeling better. I wish I had a Wallmart near me, I love that store. I just was in Oregon a few weeks ago and made my Cousin go to Wallmart everyday. Got to love that no sales tax.

Betty - Good luck with the potential new job. Have fun with Liz this weekend.

Camille07 and Drag- Hope you guys are doing well. Its raining here in CA and I guess winter is in the air.

EM: How are things with you? So anymore dates on the horizon for you?

Has anyone heard from Moon. I hope she is alright.

Talk to all of you girls soon. I hope every one has an enjoyable weekend.

Good morning ladies: Queen, I am so sorry to hear about your troubles, especially with your son. Maybe now that he sees how life is without mum, he will start behaving and appreciate what you do for him more and decide to get his education. And girl, I know about over-due bills. I have some credit card bills that I'm not paying. What can they do-they can't touch my check.

I wonder where Cin has been. I hope things are going alright for her. Cin, my metal friend, where are you?

Em, I hope things go well with that adoption. When do you think it will be finalized?

Cristy-how is your son (the one that's locked up)? Has he been calling less? It's funny how some people don't get the message isn't it. Sad, really.

Yes, hopefully fall will be starting here soon. Thought it was going to about a week ago but then yesterday it was 87. I hate it when it's hot. Guess that's all part of the global warming thing. I really should do my part and recycle more than I do.

Cam, why don't you start the new thread? It sounds like a good title to me.

I hope everyone else is doing alright. I'm still not smoking, but last night I came close. Oh well, I guess coming close doesn't mean I did, so so far so good. I'm not doing anything this weekend besides studying. Does anyone have an exciting weekend planned?

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I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

GQ -- SS' idea about Big Brother/Big Sisters is Excellent. Have you tried it? I was actually a Big Sister to a young man for four years. He was in an institutional setting and a ward of the state. I would take him to dinner, to airshows, to movies, to my home and on and on. A male friend of mine was a vital influence for years to the young male brother with whom he was matched. The kid is now headed to college.

CJC - You bought hairspray. No way. You like so live on the edge, girl.

BT - Big snag. US Customs is asking for some paperwork that, hopefully, will not set this back too far. No way to estimate. Have decided to just meditate and do all the homework I'm supposed to do. It will happen.

RE ML - I think she's more than okay per a PM and I suspect she'll chime in soon.

CAM - New thread title you offered is good! This cultural differences stuff with you and Ian MUST be discussed. It sounds as if it will be the ruination of coupledom if it's not. It struck me as slightly passive/aggressive of him that you were turned down when you offered to help or contribute edibles, yet you did something as mundane as go to the bathroom and you were told after the fact that you should have offered to get him a beer? He's making all the rules from the description you offer. You're not a psychic and can't be expected to act like one.

SS: Yes, GM is making dinner for me after work this evening. He knows I'll be exhausted and that I have to head home not long afterward. He reports he's happy to have any time with me, duration is not an issue. Pinch me.

Today is a new day and I am feeling more like my old self. It is nice and breezy outside. A perfect chill day. Indeed. Thanks for the advice for my son ladies but I don't think those programs would work for him. I am feeling better about my decision of putting him out at such a young age, at first I thought maybe it was a bit harsh but now I feel it was the right thing to do. He seems to show an interest in the job corp so I am gonna try to move him in that direction. I want him to see that there is more to life than what is just here.

I am concerned about Cindy too. I usually talk to her on Yahoo daily. I have left her IMs but has not heard anything back yet. I have her cell number but it's hard for me to talk to her on phone because of my hearing aids. I know they charge her but I will try to send her a text message. She can yell at me later. Oh, just saw where Em talked to her per a PM, no text message then. I guess we are stuck waiting.

Camille-- I think you and Ian need to sit down and have a heart to heart, sister girl. I think there is some type of culture clash going on. It seems stupid to get pissed about a beer maybe there is something else going on that has him miffed. Tsk tsk for going so long w/o getting your bloodwork done. Now do it and don't worry. That is a nice title for the next thread, why don't you start the next one?

That's all for me about now. I am a bit buzzed and am going to enjoy my high and wait for the munchies to kick in. Have a good one, ladies...

I am down and out about this job thing. Does the market REALLY suck that bad now, or is it me? I had my interview and it was good, maybe even really good, but I am tired of getting my hopes up. I think part of the problem is that Frederick has mushroomed over the past few years and is growing rapidly. Also, more people are moving to West Virginia and driving 20 minutes to Frederick and taking all of the jobs for lower pay. Here I am, used to working for upper 30's as far as salary and I am getting offers for $25K? I can't live off of that. $32K might do it, but its a significant cut and it would be tough.

I spent all yesterday looking for jobs everywhere on the internet. Even applied for a receptionist position which I am way over-qualified for, but its right up the road, and its for a tax accountant group (I love numbers). So, I thought I could get my foot in the door. Not even two hours after emailing my resume, I get a reply saying I'm not what they are looking for. I am telling myself its because I am overqualified. I have a mind to put on my very best suit, drive over there and ask for the bitch who emailed me. I'd love to know WHY she doesn't think I can answer the phone and schedule conference room usage, ship packages.....My goodness, this has me sick! I have hoped that I could keep my small balance in my savings account and not live off of credit cards. Now, I am changing my way of thinking and I guess I have to be grateful that I have a back-up plan. Those cards will never be paid off until I sell this house, and thats not happening anytime soon.

So, I am highly pissed at not getting a job. Also, working two PT jobs is not going to pay $18/hr, more like $10, but I will try to look for PT bookkeeping, at a higher rate. Maybe do that for two companies and make ends meet. COBRA and MADAP have me covered until next September, but this is frikkin ridiculous, this damn job market! Ugh!!!!!!

I saw Stone last night and everything is pretty much back to normal. I tried to have a talk with him last night, telling him there was nothing for him to be concerned about. I told him it was more that I wanted him to listen to me, about my feelings for him, and anxiety over the website dating stuff. So, I guess I'll just have to be patient and see where this goes, I can't blame him for wanting to take things slow, based on past relationships he's had.

Also, he makes good money even though he struggles and here I am, clearing my damn cupboard down to nothing. Hell, at this rate I can wipe down the shelves when there's no food left on them! I already did that with the freezer!

Sorry, I'm not starving, I'm somehow making ends meet, but this job thing has GOT to give! I have even started applying to jobs 20 miles down the road, which means about an hour and fifteen minute commute one way. That is going to totally put a strain on my neck, but like I said, I am looking everywhere now.......

Forgive my 'tude today. I'll reply more to everyone's posts later tonight, just so tired right now from being stressed out.

Cin, hang in there. I know there is a job for you. Sometimes things just don't happen as fast as we would like. I know that one, believe me. I am the type of person where I wanted it to happen yesterday. That's when I say the serenity prayer. Or bitch, whichever one works.

Queen, good to hear that you feel alright about the decision involving your son. Maybe that's the kick in the arse he needed. Tough love is just that-tough.

I hope everyone else is doing alright. Notre Dame lost again today, so their record is 0-3. There's going to be some pissed off people around here. I don't really care. I like the Chicago Cubs. I was raised on them. And right now they're 2 1/2 games in first! Lovin' it!

Have a good evening ladies-

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I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

I'm home tonight, was too tired to do much of anything, anyway. I was up a lot last night with Stone's doggie, the new diabetic. Poor thing. I got on Stone's case for buying her new treats which have corn syrup listed as an ingredient. I told him it prob had her sugar up, she was drinking so much water all night and was very lethargic. I did call Stone around 8pm when I thought he would be home from work, but he was prob in the shower or sleeping. He has been fighting off a cold, so he needs the rest. Its not like this is my weekend, since I don't have a damn job! Grrrrr, lol.

I just talked to my HS GF who lives in Colorado now. We spoke for about an hour and a half. She is newly single and we were just sharing stories about crap. My biggest concern is the job thing, of course. Thanks to all of you for being concerned, I really appreciate it. I am trying not to panic over this entire thing. I'll be OK, I've got to be, got to get a job......

GQ~ Its nice to read that your son has dropped by some and that you are speaking with him. Sometimes I think it takes someone trying to do something on their own and failing before they realize how good they had it with you. Whether it be a BF, family member, your son, you know? Perhaps the true world outside will help him find his way back to you, where you can keep him under your wing some. I keep thinking about that, that your son will get the shock factor and come back. I hope its the case with you two, I really do. As for Boo-Man, I agree, you have bigger things going on, but I know you can't help but be concerned for him. Has he gone to the doc? I guess you haven't heard much, though. I am hoping that his own discomfort will finally get his ass in gear and push him to seek treatment for himself. You can only do so much for the guy through the computer, esp when he is being stubborn.

Camille~ As for Ian and his beer, lol, I would've asked him why he expected you to get him one, when everytime you offer to do other things he refuses your help? Remember what Em said about my doorbell ringing friend? We teach people how to treat us? That's what Ian has done to you, so what does he expect? Hopefully he's not being moody, nothing is worse than a moody man. I hope you're doing OK, but have a talk, it does wonders, trust me!

BT~ So many posts from you and no smoking!!! I hope you're not lighting up now on a Saturday night, lol! Does food taste better already? Do you feel a lot better? I bet you do, and I'm happy for you! How are things with Liz? Oh, btw, I don't say the serenity prayer, I just bitch sometimes! I could go for some Iron F-ing Maiden right about now with this job thing! They don't call me "The Trooper" for nothing, GF!

Cristy~ I have been tired, too, to say the least! Only a few hours' sleep Thursday night (damn Sustiva) and then up at 730am Friday for the early interview. I didn't even take a nap yesterday. At least you weren't too tired to go to Walmart the other day. I am afraid to go in there cause I don't want to use my savings for anything yet if I don't have to, but that time is coming. How's lil Robert? Maybe ragweed down there now? Or are we past that time of year? There hasn't been much rain at all so I can see why allergies would be a real pain. BTW, I think you are doing the right thing with your older son, keeping the distance, and I am so sorry that you've had to endure all of this with him. You and Queen have had a rough go with your boys, that's for sure. Come to think of it now, I am low on hairspray, too. LOL

Em~ So you have to get more paperwork together for Customs. I bet you have gone through a lot, and I can't imagine how patient you have been! It will all be well worth it when you have your daughter with you! I am very excited to hear of the progress and hope that it won't be too much longer for you! How is GM doing? Very nice that the two of you are getting along so well. I still want to call him Bakery Man, tee hee!

Drag~ Hi GF. How are things in your corner of the world? I hope your wrists are OK. How are you and your BF doing? Stop by and see us sometime!

SS~ What's up with the men in uniform? Anything new with Cop #2? (Hey that rhymes.....) I told you that you need a distraction from #1!

ZM~ Yes, I still think of you! Do you lurk? Pop in sometime and say Hello, we'd love to hear from you! How is your back? Mine is doing better since I have been getting massage therapy all summer, but there is still a lot of fatigue, I just don't know what its really coming from. Sustiva, neck, stress, hormones....prob a mix of everything at this point, and diabetes, too.

OK, Sustiva will be kicking soon and I am so tired, I HAVE to fall asleep soundly tonight! Who knows, though? I could be back online here at 3am tonight!

Regarding the adoption process, which I initiated in Dec of 2005, I've been patient and persistent and I'll be that until she is here. It is interesting if one wants to bear a child, no issues raised, no questions posed. If one wants to adopt, one must lay one's self bare to scrutiny beyond compare. This is an unexpected setback, but I remain optimistic.

GM is fine. He made dinner for me again this evening. He's quite a good cook! Table was set complete with candles, flower in vase. Nice ending to a long day. Only to be topped by stopping by here!!

Cin, no, no lighting up even though it was Saturday. I didn't go anywhere because I was craving a smoke real bad and had I gone out anywhere, I surely would've stopped by the nearest tobacco store! It's hard, but I know it will be worth it. I'm sure the physical is past now; it's just the mental that keeps those cravings going. Food does taste better, but my sinuses have not stopped running. A friend of mine who quit smoking like 10 years ago said that the body is cleaning itself out. Whatever. It could of course be fall allergies also. But I am breathing better. Every time I talk to my dad, who still smokes, even with emphysema, I get re-affirmed in my choice not to smoke. Of course, with my dad, I don't think it would make a difference if he did quit. He's 80 yrs old and has been smoking for like 62 years. When my oldest sis has a family get-together at her house and my dad comes, he has to bring along his portable oxygen tank. That makes me think "would I want to cart around an oxygen tank like that?" Of course the answer is no. How is Stone's dog doing? Poor thing. I hate being diabetic and I'm human so at least I understand what's going on. Must be tough being a dog and not knowing.

Em, I know everything will work out with the adoption. Do you know how much longer it will be?

I hope all the rest of you ladies are doing alright. I'm going to get ready for church.

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I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

BT No way to tell when, but hopefully all parties involved will move into ever-higher gear as a result of this recent turn of paper events. It's nearing the point of the ridiculous and my daughter-to-be is well aware of the pending process. Thankfully, she has no idea of the gyrations required. We've spoken seven times and she's more patient than most adults I know. Thanks for the affirmations. Em

Well, before anyone gets to scratching their head about my avatar or thinking I went off the deep end, let me explain. It is a Major Arcana card from The Witches Tarot Deck. And it is Death. In tarot, death does not actually mean a physical death but the death or end of something. Whether it be an idea, situation or whatever. I'm sure Aztecan can give you a more detailed meaning but this is what it means to me. Due to what has been going on in my life lately, I welcome death, in my life it means death of certain situations and a change is soon to come. Man, I wish I had my tarot deck, I want to do a reading on myself...

Em-- Sorry, that you are playing the waiting game when it comes to the adoption process. I'm sure things will be fine. It is good to know that your daughter has the patience of a saint. I'm sure I could use a few pointers in that area. Glad things are working out with your Man, not sure of his nickname on here, sounds like you are getting spoiled and he is making up for lost time. Speaking on when he was away.

Betty--- Good job with sticking to your guns on not smoking. I would love to quit but my doctor says Chantix has some side effects that affects hearing. If I was to try cold turkey, I would definitely pick up weight. Although lately my cigs have been tasting a bit nasty to me. I am wondering if any of my meds have anything to do with that?

Cindy--- Don't give up on the job search. I know it is frustrating, it would seem that some place would love to have a person who is overqualified or am I missing something? Must admit I haven't worked in 5 years so I am sure things have changed a great deal.

Nothing planned for today but to maybe glance at some football games. My squad plays tonight...GO DALLAS!!! Sometimes I think I am just too butch for words....

Yes, I know about the "Death" card. I always seem to get it when I do a reading, I think its a Scorpio thing. I am always going through changes (Betty it reminds me of that Tesla song, lol), I might have to dig my cards out tonight.

In tarot, death does not actually mean a physical death but the death or end of something. Whether it be an idea, situation or whatever. Due to what has been going on in my life lately, I welcome death, in my life it means death of certain situations and a change is soon to come.

I like the concept of that. With that being the definition, I would welcome death.I need a change.I feel stagnated, like am stuck but don't have the means to remove myself from this life I have made. After December is over will have the money to change things but am not sure if I have the will. I will have to think on it. Em, sorry the adoption has ground to a halt. That must be extraordinarily disappointing. I hope the gears grab soon and things get moving again. Glad that GM can cook so well and you are enjoying your time spent with him .Betty, glad you are still smoke free. that is a wonderful thing. Hopefully your allergies will clear up soon. I started little Robert on Zyrtec Friday and so far have not noticed a improvement. But i believe it takes a couple days to get in his system, so I will keep at it. As far as My oldest, he sent us a letter but we are not going to respond. I really hate that it has to be like this and it breaks my heart but the cycle has to end. Moonlight, sorry that you are having such a hard time finding a job. Keep your chin up, you will find what you are looking for, it will just take time. Hope your brother is well. I also think it's really great that you are helping to take care of stone's dog. Sunseeker, there is no sales tax in Oregon. damn, i need to go there. Walmart is the closest place for us to go shop. and I like it so.... Sorry work is busy, I would think in your line of work, the slower , the better, Mine is just the opposite, more the better. But I am a waitress, not a member of law enforcement. The local sheriff's and police officers come in where I work. The ones I have met seem real nice. and I like having them there. If they are around, there is less chance of us getting robbed. Nice perk of having them come eat. how are your niece and nephew. Do they miss Auntie.? I bet you are a fun aunt. Stay well. Okay, if I forgot anyone, hope everyone is well. If I can come up with anything interesting , I will post again soon, otherwise I will just lurk

CJC - You bought hairspray. No way. You like so live on the edge, girl.

Em

Yes Em, I soooo live on the edge. Think of all the wondrous things I can do with Hairsray. Hell, next week, I might even put on some makeup. I love you. Cristy(edited cause i need to think before I post)

you can do a tarot reading online on http://www.free-tarot-reading.net/. I did it just once. It sounds like I am promoting this site, but I am not affiliated in any way. Anyway am glad you feel better and that your son's keeping in touch. I hope so much he will have an eyeopener experience and realize he can do much more with his life.

I have been sick with a throat cold-type thing. I blame a coworker who knows that I am poz yet thinks it's funny to sniffle all over me when he has the cold virus and call me a hypochondriac when I back off . Who was it on here who said 'nothing worse than a moody guy'? this guy is moody big time. Even my work roommate says so. He just has these sensitivities and bec omes all offended if I don't want to enjoy his proximity when he is visibly sick. Anyway have not been a 100% functional b/c of this thing, was supposed to meet a poz friend and her new man, but backed out. When I am sick, I don't feel like meeting new people. I always feel like I have to impress.

I have a hell of a week ahead, work piling up, volunteered to teach at a local school, and hospital appt after which I suppose I will get to the bottom of being detectable the last 3 times. Did I mention PMS?

ML, try not to despair too much. I know easier said etc. I understand about the overqualified thing, they might think that you will not be there a 100% and will be on the lookout for something better.

Had a big talk with my BF friday night which was awful, cried a lot, but now things seem to be resolved. It was so intense (and normally we're anything but) that it's hard right now to find the words about it.

Good luck to everyone, with everything. Whether kids' allergies, adoptions, or dating... Have a good week.

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"If you keep one foot in yesterday, and one in tomorrow, you piss all over today". Betty Tacy

Today was "different." I am doing OK now, but it was stressful, I just don't feel much like posting about it. I keep saying things are happening for a REASON, and that I'm right where I'm supposed to be.......WTF? Sometimes I just don't get it. I took my dog to my parents' place while they were out of town, so he could run. I just tried to clear my head and my heart. I was walking and walking around my parents' property, beautiful sunny day, low humidity, breezy....talking to God. Out loud. I have a beef with him of late. Tears were streaming down my face, and I asked for courage, I asked why I was in this position in my life, WHY? I just needed to walk and walk until I felt this pressure and heaviness in my stomach subside. Then my phone rang, Stone asked if he could come to Frederick to take me to dinner, and I was down the road at my parents' house. I agreed to meet him and we had a nice time. My Redskins lost, dammit all, we should have WON!

I am definitely going through "Death" here, lots of changes brewing, stressful yet exciting as I don't know where this will all lead. I just want to come out with my head above water. Sigh......

Drag~ It seems we all have some heavy shit going on now, what the hell is going on with us women? Do we take on the weight of the world because we can handle it? Do we seek it out? Do we ASK for this? I know I have been so confused with everything of late, and the more I try to make sense of things, the more exhausted and frustrated I get. I hope you and your BF are OK. I told you long ago that its better to cry and let things out, he's in your corner, really, and its OK to be confused, upset, scared.....whatever it is, every once in awhile. I am sending my good vibes YOUR way, as mine aren't working on me lately!

Cristy, thanks for your concern. I think I just am smitten with this guy and want very much for things to work, but I just have to slow myself down before I implode or something! I need to take things one day at a time! I am hanging in there. I wish I was with my brother and that he wasn't overseas, I just want some peace, happiness and contentment in my life.....It will come, I know it will, it has to, it just has to.

BTW, since mid-June I have applied to 75 jobs, 30 of them just since last Monday, and only 6 interviews since being unemployed! I couldn't believe the numbers when I saw them. I save all of my emails to potential employers in a job file on my computer. Found a couple of high-dollar jobs this weekend, applied to them ASAP, so I am hoping for some calls tomorrow.

Really nothing to talk about....I am just freakin BORED...There is nothing on tv of interest...Even though I am buzzed at the moment, I really don't feel like playing my PS2. Even though I am due for a new game...But as you know with the PS3 out, they really aren't making games for the PS2 unless it is sports games like Madden '08. So, now I am forced to try to track down some older games such as the earlier Resident Evil games, Final Fantasy or BloodRayne. This is not an easy thing to do...I have tried the mall, places that sell older games, and even Ebay but nothing.

I know many of you are saying, Queen really needs a life. In all honesty, I do but I just find there aren't many things around me that interest me. I go to friends' houses from time to time but even that gets to be tiring because they are basically doing the same shit I am doing which is NOTHING.

I looked in the basement for my cards tonight. I opened up all of my boxes of stuff that I had boxed up for my "move." Yeah, shit on THAT idea, I know its for the best. I just want my happy ending already, I'm not asking for much, justa little something. maybe my cards are in my hope chest......gonna go look.

I have been sick with a throat cold-type thing. I blame a coworker who knows that I am poz yet thinks it's funny to sniffle all over me when he has the cold virus and call me a hypochondriac when I back off . Who was it on here who said 'nothing worse than a moody guy'? this guy is moody big time. Even my work roommate says so. He just has these sensitivities and bec omes all offended if I don't want to enjoy his proximity when he is visibly sick. Anyway have not been a 100% functional b/c of this thing, was supposed to meet a poz friend and her new man, but backed out. When I am sick, I don't feel like meeting new people. I always feel like I have to impress.

I believe I was the one who made the remark about moody men, lol!

I am posting again because it just dawned on me.....Wouldn't this be considered harassment, if Mr. Sniffles keeps getting closer to you, just to piss you off when he is sick? Even if he didn't know you were poz, and/or you were negative, wouldn't it still be harassment because he is "taunting" you? I would talk to your boss, or if you need to be discreet, someone in the medical field that you can trust. Kick the fucker right in his ass, and the hand him a box of tissues and tell him to back the hell OFF already! I went off on someone at work (in my previous life) who always sneezed and made a big production out of it. She would make a big noise and wouldn't cover her mouth. This was last fall, and finally I said, "You need to cover that, please." It started a riff in our department, but I stuck to my guns. She started to cover her mouth, as flu season was approaching. I reminded her over and over that I was diabetic and that a cold could knock me out for a week or more, nevermind the HIV, which she didn't know about.

BTW, last January I was out for an entire week with an awful cold. That was 2 weeks after being dumped by my exBF, but still, just goes to show.....lol.

I looked in the basement for my cards tonight. I opened up all of my boxes of stuff that I had boxed up for my "move." Yeah, shit on THAT idea, I know its for the best. I just want my happy ending already, I'm not asking for much, justa little something. maybe my cards are in my hope chest......gonna go look.

~Cindy

What deck are you working with? Just curious....The Witches Deck called out to me when I had them...Asshole hubby did something with them to spite me...I bought The Angels Deck after that but had to give them away because I just wasn't vibing with them. What spread do you use to do your readings? I know a lot of questions but it's nice to be able to talk to someone who reads. Before doing your reading try to meditate first to clear your mind because of your recent frustrations in different areas may cause an inaccurate reading if you don't. To be honest, I am surprised you own a deck of cards...

All this talk of tarot cards. My daughter used to own a deck (not sure which one) and used to do readings. She told me she gave them to one of her friends and does not do readings anymore as she doesn't really want to know what's going to happen in her life. She says that if she knows, she tends to try to rush it along. I have never had my cards read, nor do I really know anything about tarot. I'm not sure that I would want to know my future either.

Saw a good movie yesterday. "Pans Labyrinth." It was excellent. I would definitely recommend it. Liz came over and we watched that and "Easy Rider" which I haven't seen in eons. It was a pretty relaxing day.

Cin, you've just got to hang in there. Can you venture out further to look? I mean, is there anything further than the vicinity that you've been looking in? Try not to get too worked up over it. Stress plays such a nasty enough role in our lives, I know. I still believe in karma, so you've got something good coming, I feel it.

Cristy, this must be so awfully hard with your son (the one who's in jail). Just hold your position. Maybe it will wake him up.

All the rest of you ladies, take care. I don't have a very exciting day planned. Just have to take some movies back to the library and study. I hope everyone's doing alright.

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I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

What deck are you working with? Just curious....The Witches Deck called out to me when I had them...Asshole hubby did something with them to spite me...I bought The Angels Deck after that but had to give them away because I just wasn't vibing with them. What spread do you use to do your readings? I know a lot of questions but it's nice to be able to talk to someone who reads. Before doing your reading try to meditate first to clear your mind because of your recent frustrations in different areas may cause an inaccurate reading if you don't. To be honest, I am surprised you own a deck of cards...

Queen~ I can't find my cards in this house! LOL I remember just buying a simple set at Borders Books, called "The Enchanted Tarot." It came with a nice book so I could learn about the cards. I did readings in college and then when my husband ggot sick, I pitched them. Catholic girl in me, I guess. I eventually went back and bought another set.

My house is a mess, I should really clean it up, but I am too tired. Everything is boxed up and should be unboxed, so that I can feel like I am living again. I have lots of books and CDs, but no stereo or bookshelves anymore -- sold them in June '06 in case my "other" house was ready in the Fall. I have so many bills and things to file away -- I am already worrying about tax time. I like to be very thorough when I itemize, so I can get the best refund. I bet I will owe this year since half of it has been living off of unemployment with no taxes taken out.

I think that's what I'll do each day, just clean one yard of a room, little by little. Eventually things will brighten up more in my home. Maybe just a corner here, a corner there, clear off a table, empty out a box and try to start LIVING here again. My ultimate goal is to re-do my place for MY comfort and also to ultimately have it market-ready. I am thinking Spring '09. Where will I go from there?...........The exciting adventure continues......!

Mellow today, glad that the season premieres are starting tonight! I am a TV junkie in the fall, with 2 VCRs rolling sometimes, in order to catch all of the shows!

Yeah, I got my DVR set to record some shows tonight too while I am watching wrestling. It's about time they are putting on the new shows but am anxiously awaiting Nip/Tuck. But has my eye on JourneyMan, simply because I like the leading actor who played on the HBO series Rome, just something about him. I also have my eye on the Bionic Woman which comes on Wednesday on NBC but will also be on SCI-FI on Friday. Yeah, I really watch too much tv, I know.

I am surprised that the tarot card topic actually carried on for a few posts. I expected it to kinda be blown off. Tarot Cards are more of a guide, not really telling the future as in being able to avoid something from happening but maybe making a person aware...Not sure if any of you are following me and am not trying to confuse anyone. It is what I believe. I don't really like doing the online tarot readings, it's too impersonal among other things. Cindy, don't go tearing your house up looking for them. You'll come across them one day.

I did see Pan's Labyrinth, it was a good movie but kinda hard for me to follow with the subtitles. I was wondering why it wasn't in English, was it because the director, can't think of his name is Latino? I think another good movie to see is The Libertine with Johnny Depp in it. I do warn that it does have strong sexual overtones but thought it was a good movie.

BTW, since mid-June I have applied to 75 jobs, 30 of them just since last Monday, and only 6 interviews since being unemployed! I couldn't believe the numbers when I saw them. I save all of my emails to potential employers in a job file on my computer. Found a couple of high-dollar jobs this weekend, applied to them ASAP, so I am hoping for some calls tomorrow.

Cindy

You mentioned you were going to make a networking call with the real estate agency owner (the husband of the couple). Did that occur? I ask because it's been my experience and has been a long-term trend that jobs are most often found and gotten through networking as opposed to application submissions.

I have several friends who are Human Resources consultants/recruiters and they see this as key to landing what one wants. Further, researching where and with which company you want to be and finally, what position(s), helps you to isolate, narrowly, rather than using a buckshot approach.

I seem to recall that you mentioned in a post that you want to be an office manager and that you've got a strength with numbers. If that is what you want to be, what setting do you envision as ideal? A manufacturing company? Business services? and so on. Cold calling to various firms, although frustrating at times, can be a very fruitful use of one's time. Going to networking events, chamber of commerce events, etc. can be another great resource for leads.

It's better to know what one or two things you'd like to be doing and know or meet someone vital to hooking you up, than to send 75 resumes for a range of positions that are likely netting upwards of a couple hundred resumes per position.

If you've saved all of the e-mails, have you ever gone back to ask the status of the position? Sometimes, the top candidate bails and they have to scramble again. Even if it risks a standard turn-down note, you might hit pay dirt.Of the six interviews to date, have you yet asked for a debrief on the phone to gain insight as to why you were not selected? It can sometimes yield helpful information.

There are several ways to go at this " over-qualified " description of yourself to which you keep referring. If you know, flat out, you're over-qualified for a position. Why apply? The person hiring is going to be thinking, holy cow, this person is desperate and as soon as something good comes along, I'll lose her after I've dumped a bunch of dough into bringing her up to speed. Why would any savvy business owner/manager take that risk? Would you? If you're as good with numbers as you claim to be there's no way you would intentionally invest in an employee who would likely end up leaving.

If you're just slightly over-qualified, write a superior cover letter that addresses how you see your qualifications, how they (the h.r. person or owner) might view them and then make salient points as to where you see the fit and where you might offer a little more than the average applicant. Illuminate the advantages where they justifiably exist. And provide examples if you can give specifics.

If you simply believe you're over-qualified, for almost everything in the geographic range you're targeting, then you're helping to make it so. I don't believe it's of your making entirely, hence my use of the word " helping" but I believe the thought process definitely contributes.

I will share with you that I want purpose-driven employment, that is very important to me at this stage in my life. But, it took me a while to get clear about what I wanted and what I wanted to do. Then, I had to look for specific places I could possibly fit and start making inroads. I'm on the path and hopefully soon, I know the outcome.

Next time you're walking Cheech, at your parents' place on a gorgeous day, why not take some time to envision what it is you want to do employment-wise? With or without Stone in your life, you want to be working, and need to be working.

Almost all of us could tell you we know you don't want to work 60-70 hours a week (which slices out big-paying jobs and, evidently, car sales), you want a commute time that won't stress out your neck, you want to work with a caliber of people who are mindful enough of others, for example, to cover their mouths when they sneeze, and you want to be in an office management position, preferrably using your affinity for working with numbers. Further, you want to be compensated fairly with access to a good benefits program. And, you're available tomorrow! All of us are able to hold this vision on your behalf because of what you've taught us. What else do we need to know about what you'd like to do so we can complete the vision? Tell us. You have a golden opportunity to enlist us and you are not using it to your advantage.

I think your idea about unpacking and settling in is great! Using this wonderful block of UEC-paid time to do so is good time management. You'll have the decks cleared when you land the new job. And, you can come home to an attractive setting that restores you.

The past, whether in boxes that need the light of day and airing out, or in your mind in the form of memories of all sorts needing to be freed, is weighing you down.

Thanks for the lengthy post, I appreciate your concern. I read it as a checklist for myself!

Yes, I called the Realty company back the day after they called me, which was Fri 9/15 and said the greatest compliment would be that they share my resume with other businesses in the area, if they heard of anyone who was looking.

Unfortunately, I don't have the luxury of finding what I really want, but then again, what I want is pretty broad. I can take my skills anywhere, and I have. I want to work in a small office with maybe no more than 10-12 people, doing the books and managing it. I have managed a dental office, a catering office and an architect's office, to name a few. I have really taken an interest in the building, land development, construction, engineering fields (LOL), as I touched on all of that just by working for the architects. I have even looked at working at the Permit office, because I spent so much damn time there applying for building permits myself -- no openings yet, though.

I liked your idea of going to the Chamber of Commerce events, that type of thing. I need to see if my father still belongs to the Frederick Business Owner's Association, and I could network that way. I have also thought about calling all of the engineering firms that I used to deal with while I worked for the architect. I met a lot of nice people, it would be a good way to get the word out. One even had an ad in the paper in June, and I wrote a personal cover letter to them in addition to my regular cover letter, but I didn't get the position. The interview I went to this past Friday with the IRA company was actually in the same building as some of those engineers, so I dropped a few names and made small talk.

You're right about some of these positions getting a lot of responses. Bookkeeping jobs around here are very competitive, so I have applied to HR positions as well, since I have done that, as well as payroll, at most of my jobs. I haven't asked for the debriefs yet, I guess my pride is a little hurt, and you know I have been consumed with this job thing lately.

Maybe the overqualified description isn't totally correct, I don't know. It seems that the jobs I used to do are paying less now and employers go that route to save money. I think people see my experience and maybe think that I will ask for too much, because my resume is pretty impressive. I agree, I may have to start tweaking my cover letters some, to really show what qualifications I can bring to the position. Good point there. I've started doing that already, but not every time. Seventy-five is a lot!

I have started going back to my roots, so to speak, by applying to jobs down the road which would be a long commute, and also trying to branch into another area that I always enjoyed, and that was banking. I was a teller for eight years and then the position just didn't pay enough and I topped out. That's when I got more into the office role and learned bookkeeping. I applied to a bank yesterday, to be a head teller, and they emailed me today. I have tried to reach the contact and have left voice mails. I have to go take a basic teller test, which I am sure I will pass with flying colors. If I get in, the training process is 60 - 90 days before I am in the branch. I wonder if the pay is any good these days? I'll know more when I reach someone directly.

Believe me, all I've been doing is envisioning what I want to do with a career. It always comes back to numbers, organizing, making the office run to its full potential, being efficient. I'm a machine when I work. I thrive in a fast-paced, structured environment. I should really go back to school and get my BS in Accounting, maybe someday go for my CPA. Too bad the PA job cut my pay, because even though I had a nasty supervisor, I enjoyed the work I did. High volume AP and AR, and there was even a cash window, so I got my banking in too. Also lots of young people with questions about payroll and benefits, so my HR experience helped as well, too!

What else do we need to know about what you'd like to do so we can complete the vision? Tell us. You have a golden opportunity to enlist us and you are not using it to your advantage.

Not sure exactly what you mean by that, I know I do better when I can see the results of my efforts. Planning parties for the caterer, the end result was a success. Staying on the City Permit Dept to get that permit after months of waiting and talking and communicating to my boss what was needed, and I was the bookkeeper! LOL I got satisfaction knowing I could help people, explaining the process to the client, letting them know what they needed next to move the permit along. So many times we aren't rewarded by our bosses for our achievments, so its nice when you can see for yourself the goals that you've reached by sheer virtue of working hard and persevering.

Yes, I am actually looking forward to straightening up around the house, getting my things out of boxes, so I can feel more like myself again. I think its a healthy idea, and I feel great about it already. I know, clutter can be stressful!

Thanks again for your thoughts tonight! I am fighting the good fight over here, that's for sure!

I have managed a dental office, a catering office and an architect's office, to name a few. I have really taken an interest in the building, land development, construction, engineering fields (LOL), as I touched on all of that just by working for the architects.

I have also thought about calling all of the engineering firms that I used to deal with while I worked for the architect. I met a lot of nice people, it would be a good way to get the word out. One even had an ad in the paper in June, and I wrote a personal cover letter to them in addition to my regular cover letter, but I didn't get the position. The interview I went to this past Friday with the IRA company was actually in the same building as some of those engineers, so I dropped a few names and made small talk.

I haven't asked for the debriefs yet, I guess my pride is a little hurt, and you know I have been consumed with this job thing lately.

If I get in, the training process is 60 - 90 days before I am in the branch. I wonder if the pay is any good these days? I'll know more when I reach someone directly.

I should really go back to school and get my BS in Accounting, maybe someday go for my CPA.

What else do we need to know about what you'd like to do so we can complete the vision? Tell us. You have a golden opportunity to enlist us and you are not using it to your advantage.

Not sure exactly what you mean by that, I know I do better when I can see the results of my efforts. Planning parties for the caterer, the end result was a success.

I know, clutter can be stressful!

Thanks again for your thoughts tonight!

First, you're welcome and last, you're welcome. And, thank you for receiving it in the spirit with which it was intended. Knowing a bit of what you're going through, I figured it might be good for me (and hopefully you!) to get my thoughts out rather than revisit them one more time.

What I meant by enlisting is that if all of the women who are following your posts have a better idea of what you want, they can be thinking of you, on your behalf, maybe one of us has a friend or cousin in the MD area, maybe they'll come up with an idea, run into something on Monster.com and on and on. That is enlisting. Telling people what your intentions are and it enables them to support you in a much more direct way. You expand your radar immensely.

Now that you have mentioned architects, engineers, etc. I want to encourage you to find the local SMPS chapter (Society for Marketing Professional Services- which involves architectural, engineering and construction firms sometimes even accounting and legal firms, but mostly the first three) and get to one of their lunch meetings for two reasons: first, I think a lot of your skills are applicable and you shouldn't let the marketing word throw you because the positions typically have a LOT to do with the creation of proposals and second, if they don't have positions available in marketing you can find out if any of the members' firms need bookkeeper/office mgr. positions. It's a nationwide organization, typically attracts friendly, professional people, and it's known for being very network-oriented!! Some bosses kid that the only reason their staff are members of SMPS is so they can be job-hunting. Another group to check out, is CREW, which is women in real estate, development and related services. They're strictly a female-only group and very network-oriented.

Second, I'm so glad you brought up school. I was going to, but thought I'd already brought up enough. I agree --- an accounting degree would be a great career maker for you and usable in myriad industries. And, school will be easier to attend once you've got $flow going again.

The fact that you like to see visual results certainly isn't prominent in accounting, but you could get those sorts of needs met at home or through hobbies. I am the same way to a high degree. Consequently, I like to weed, mow, rehab, design, paint artistically, etc. and it's the before/after visual stimuli that does it for me. I've never left an apartment, house or job without doing something to make the processes or environment better or more attractive.

I truly have my doubts that teller money has changed much over the years. I was a teller a gazillion years ago. With so much electronic banking, the demand for tellers has lessened greatly from what I see in the banks I've been in. For men, it's often a methodical, stepping stone to management. Most of the women hired, stay on for decades---for some it's pin money while for others it's the best job they'll ever have.

Oh yes, the debriefing issue. I understand the hurt pride stuff BUT if you do that, as often as you can, it is a really cool process. It show the person with whom you've interviewed that you're confident enough to learn more about yourself through their eyes, you might find out the candidate bailed or bombed already, you might hear them say a colleague down the hall has a new position coming up, the possibilities are endless!! A young lady did this with me when I hired an assistant once and she so impressed me, I immediately called a fellow staffer in another division who ahd a position open, told her she had to interview this bright, spunk-filled college student. She got the job!

Turns out that what initiated this was during dinner with her family she told them she didn't get the job with me. Her father gently encouraged her to call me and inquire as to why. She did. I told her she was neck and neck with the first candidate. It was some minor sliver of a difference. If I'd had two positions, I would have hired her. I'll never forget what a powerful interaction it was for both of us. Her father gave her great advice.

Queen- my doctor gave me the pass for the long period for the blood work cause my numbers were so good. I get the results on Monday.

Ian and I are no more. Sunday I went to church, called him afterwards and told him i was going out with my girlfriend and husband for food and drinks. He was happy to hear it. My friends and I had a great time, went back to their house and really started talking about some serious stuff. I get a voice mail at 8:00 from Ian saying "Thanks for effing calling me, thanks sooo much, just stay away from me!" The next morning he calls me and says he's really sorry.....I call him and said that really think its a good idea that we don't see each anymore. This isn't the first time something like this happened. Now this is the 3 rd time and this drama should not be happening in two months.

I opted not to change the thread just yet because of the madness and men!

I try to think in reverse, what if it was you who went all wacko and insecure (or me for that matter), should the guy give you a second chance? That's a tough one. You obviously decided enough is enough. If he is so possessive and insecure now, what would he be like later. The difference I think is that we ladies can be jealous and insecure, discuss with our friends, but most times the guy will only see the tip of the iceberg. If he had just acted differently, if he had just said "I wish you told me so that I would spend time with you or make other plans", or simply "I missed you tonight", things would have been so different! The difference between acting like a basket case and showing your true vulenerabilty is so thin sometimes, but I find that I never look wierder than when I try to bury my human, weak, natural emotions under a mask of cool or anger. But i am learning. Obviously, you can't hang around for him to learn what he may never learn.

I'm sorry.Big hug,

Logged

"If you keep one foot in yesterday, and one in tomorrow, you piss all over today". Betty Tacy