Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Jesus Christ, Witz

Did you steal some of my adderall last year and blow a couple lines of it before you wrote that last post? Unfortunately it was as funny as it was long, so I had to keep scrolling down using my laptop's touch pad. Anyone who has ever had to do this will affirm that this means I deffinately appreciated what you wrote. Anyway, get a real job so I don't have to deal with the logistics of your humor any more.

I believe I have an interesting point of view on our beloved show because I watch it with my grandfather, who I'm sure would prefer to be watching the weather channel. (Old people know something we don't, I swear. He's always talking about how foggy it is in Oregon, or whether they need rain in Wichitaw. More later, as I discover their secrets). My Grandpa indulges my 24 habit, but unfortunately, the only people more ADD than I am are old people, so I am constantly fielding questions such as "Who is that?" and "How about a little bourbon on the rocks?" I am usually able to handle these questions, but last night's episode had a few that I just couldn't compute myself.

Question I could handle: "Is she that woman from before with the son? Are they shackin' up together?" Answer: "Yes, she is, and no, I don't think so, although they seem to be keeping that ambiguous to unnecesarily thicken the plot between her and Aub-drey." P.S., when's the last time you "shacked up" with someone? I think that's brilliant- I am officially submitting it to be added to modern vernacular as something that "the cool kids are callin' it now."

Question I couldn't handle: "Why do they ride on the side of the van like that?" I can only assume that was meant to be some kind of "car surfing" outtake to later be cut in with scenes of Curtis and his S.W.A.T. team "backyard wrestling."

Question I could handle, but will be asked again and again, regardless: "So that's the bad guy there?" Answer: "No, Grandpa, that's the head of CTU- he's the good guy." The fundamental problem here is that the lighting on the set of the big bad terrorist mastermind hideout control room ($59.95 at KB Toys) is exactly the same as the lighting on the set of CTU. Until one of them hassles maintenence into changing the dead light bulbs I will be forced to field this same question every week.

Well I'm probably guilty of long-bloggin' it myself now (although ladies do love the long-blog) so I'll let you go with Grandpa's tip of the day: "Save your empties."