Replies Would Be Nice

Friday, 18 July 2008

23:42

I don’t know what to think anymore. I want to upload a video of me, just of me. How vain is that?! Why do I want to do this? Why am I signed up to all these websites, yet whenever someone sends me a message I just get scared and end up never replying. Why do I rarely, if ever, reply to my mail? I do want to meet people like me, and chat and make friends, I love making new friends. In my mind if I upload a video of myself I will get more mail, but, then, why bother if I don’t even reply to the mail I’ve got? What on earth is the point? I really think I should make it a point that from this moment forth I will reply to all mail I get. I feel horrible for not being able to find the time to reply. The only time I can get online and do this sort of thing is now, when the rest of my family is in bed and I’m free to browse the net at my leisure.

Ok, that’s it, I’ll try it, see how I get on. I just don’t want to stay up too late replying. And no that doesn’t mean I get sooo much mail that I’m overwhelmed, it’s just that I take a long time thinking of exactly what to say in my replies. I like to actually have a point to replying.

Ok I will upload that video, and possibly a few more in the future, and I promise that I’ll reply to your emails etc. That is of course if it isn’t something blatantly not worth replying to.

@ metareflexive: there is absolutely nothing wrong with exploring one’s identity. The video is wonderful and is probably an important step.

Ella, I wish you all the luck in the world. I hope everything works out for you. It seems like you will have the courage and strength to become the person you really want to be. Hang tough! I could tell you from personal experience that any trouble you might go through initially while transitioning to the opposite sex is totally worthwhile in the end. Don’t ever ever let go of your dream.

have you ever seen this french film called ‘ma vie en rose’ translates to ‘my life in pink’ about a boy who want to be a girl, he dresses up as a girl, he questions his older sister aout the XY and XX gene that makes a person a boy or a girl… i can’t remember the whole film but it was a film which any person other than yourself would find rather disturbing to say the least. But if you have or have not seen it, it might give you something to relate to… as much as i think what you do it strange it’s nothing for me to comment on and i respect your decision, i am writing here because i like reading your blog. keep it up 🙂

There are many little steps to big end results. Don’t worry about the minutia. They work themselves out. Stay focused on the end result and you’ll walk automatically through the little stuff with less stress.

Great emotive expression in the video. Don’t always default femininity with sexiness though. Explore all that’s available to you.

Oh, and don’t feel guilty about not replying to mail, but do stay mindful of opportunities for practicing open exchange. While pursuing this path, you’re going to have to do it with open honesty so that you can feel comfortable with all of yourself (despite denial rich family). You don’t have to share with everyone however. 🙂 Feel free to be picky!

I left a comment last night…. I need to expand on that a little. It is perfectly normal for you to be having all these things going on in your head. I did, and still do ! I always question myself as to whether or not I look convincing as Angela and by showing myself off I get great comments !!! So I must be o.k. ! You are truly beautiful as Ella and could become a real stunner with a little help…and money of course. I would love to help you, but it’s your call. I don’t want to pester you like some perv’ ! If you fancy a chat, please email me. Love, Angela x

While watching a documentary on Randy Pausch, the professor who passed on [he is famous for a lecture series called ‘The Last Lecture’], he said something that is applicable to you and all of us who impart on this journey:

‘The only safe thing is to take a chance’

I took that to mean that if one does not take the risk and chance to live as they want to, they will always be that lingering question, the sense of ‘What if_____?’ This does not mean do things immediately of course, but to understand that the benefits of taking that risk is far greater than staying on the sidelines.

As others here have said, you have a great start…a great look and a very sharp mind. Those will work for you long term. And I will add to the chorus here that if you want to chat about anything, the email is there anytime, anywhere.

Hello. Brave of you to post a video.
I remember when i first found your blog. It inspired me to start mine and it has grown massively since.
I love your style.
I also get the emails and i try to reply to most but there are some that i am too scared to. I know what you mean.

Being 19 and trying to be yourself in our situation is a challenge. I am sure you hear this a lot. But i would gladly offer any help i can give.
I am about to start hormonal treatment and i know the pains of coming out at our age.

I’m a straight man and I wanted to let you know you are one of the most beautiful women I’ve ever seen. I bet you get that a lot. On the other hand, you probably get a lot of shit too. So a little encouragement can’t hurt, right? Take care, and keep being yourself.

Hi I just wanted to say i liked your videos and to say I wish i had had the guts when I was younger and maybe I would have become a girl instead of hiding it. I have remained a male. I even got married to a wonderful gal. weve been married over 23 years and yes she knows about my preference on being a girl. I hope everything works out for you. you have alot of guts for doing what you’ve done. I admire you alot. Don’t worry about your family just find someone you love and settle down with them.