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Sunday, March 10, 2013

Open Letter to Banta (Kanche Wali Botal)

Dear
Banta,

I
know it’s been a while since I last saw you. This gap was not because I didn’t
miss you over the past few months when I wore five layers above my skin, including
the natural coat of hair, to fight the Delhi chill. I looked for you at our
meeting point, the sardarji’s general
store on Shankar Road, a number of times when I went there with the excuse of
buying a loaf of Harvest Gold or a packet of Maggi noodles. I went all the way
to Karol Bagh, thinking that I might catch a glimpse of your sparkling self standing
somewhere next to a Kolhapuri jutti
and ladies’ sandal stall. I missed you; I really did.

I’m
sorry to have not made a trip to Janpath or Pandit Ved Prakash’s Shikanji stall
at Chandni Chowk, and I’m not going to make any excuses for failing to do so. I
spotted you last week, standing spotlessly inside sardarji’s Pepsi refrigerator. Needless to say, you looked very inviting;
way more than that stupid Priyanka Chopra, who was trying so hard to grab my
attention with her fake smile and ugly cola bottle. I was so excited to see you
again, but this feeling of guilt held me back from walking up to you and showing
you that I have not changed at all. You haven’t changed either, and I assure
you that even my love for you has not.

I
remember how we met for the first time at Mittal General Store, where I came to
grab a cola after a game of pitthu
with my cousins, way back in the year 1996. I was apprehensive about
approaching you at first, thinking that my mum would get very angry with me for
showing interest in a stranger. She could’ve thought that you’d feed me with
something that would give me stomach troubles, after robbing me of my money.
Despite the fear, I couldn’t resist knowing you.

My
mum could easily spot the guilt with which I walked back home that evening. And
I was surprised to see that when I told her about you, she was delighted to
know that I had an experience with you behind the back door of Mittal uncle’s
grocery store. Her happiness knew no bounds when I told her that I got to enjoy
some time with you for just four rupees. I hope you’re not taking it the wrong
way. My mum often tells me how she has memories of knowing your family members
from the time when she was in school. So, there’s absolutely no doubt about you
being a well bred khandani item.

Y’know,
my dadi has always been of the
opinion that having good bhartiyasanskaar is more important than having a
foreign education to boast about. And trust me when I tell you that no matter
how modern she may try to act at times, she’s always wanted a fair-skinned lady
for me. So don’t you ever get jealous of seeing me with Coke or Pepsi. They’re
known to be a menace to family health ever since my dadi cursed them with words like “keede padein tujhpe” and the whole pesticide fiasco happened. She
doesn’t trust the gori Limca or
Sprite either. A heavy western influence is something that she’s feared right from
the time when she stayed in a town, which is now in present day Pakistan. Also,
my nani makes brilliant shikanji. You shouldn’t worry about that
either, since there’s no way that my family will allow me to engage in anything
that may be considered remotely incestuous.

I
can’t ever put to words how much I really love you. These stick thin actresses
of today starve themselves of food till they become anorexic, and then stuff
their inners with rubbery-plastics to achieve what they call an “hourglass
figure”. It’s a shame, really! I mean, only you could so naturally maintain the
perfect hourglass body over the years. And, there’s nothing under your skin
that isn’t there for the world to see. Also, did you give tips to Vidya Balan
on how to look voluptuous and not be drawn into the whole “skinny is sexy” fad?
I’m sure you’ll just blush and choose to not answer that. I can’t tell you how
endearing that modesty truly is!

You’re
not just good looking with those shapely Jolie lips, but also so beautiful inside.
I know how you can never speak ill of people, and that’s exactly the reason why
you’ve bundled all the negativity into one black part of your soul that no
matter how much a person tries, will never be able to extract from you. That
beautiful black marble! It’s astounding to know that someone can actually be so
transparent. That’s exactly why I know that we’re going to last.

I’m
mesmerized by the whole idea that the creator has made you so beautifully that
you will never blow your top. Relationships get hard at times, and couples do
get angry with each other. But being with you, I know that you know how to keep
your calm and handle all difficult times with patience.

I’ve
seen you sparkle with excitement every time that I pop a finger to let you open
up to me. You run up to the brim just to touch my tender lips and tell me that
no matter how tired I may feel after work, you will always be there to refresh
me with your touch.

It’s
a little unfair though that the creator gave you such a cute name that I can
never come up with anything cuter for you to call you in our moments of passion.