Category: family

A parenting parody based on Julia Donaldson’s brilliant children’s book Day Monkey Night Monkey. The light shone bright at the playgroup, ‘I’m Right’ Mummy sat sipping tea. She tutted and growled as ‘My Way’ Mummy scowled, And thought ‘She should do it like me!’ My Way Mummy tried not to notice, That I’m Right Mummy… Continue reading ‘I’m Right’ Mummy, ‘My Way’ Mummy. A Parody.

This ghastly occurrence, did (Would you believe?) Unfold on that day we call All Hallows Eve… I’d decided to knock up a mean “zombie stew”, Which has all the same stuff in as chilli! Who knew? 😉 Now a good zombie stew contains beans, so of course I cut open a tin and then crushed… Continue reading The Zombie Stew, The Blood and The Biscuit Tin…

As October cusps into November, We embrace quite a sinister theme, And the world becomes peppered with pumpkins, For this day that we call Halloween. Not exactly a new fascination, It’s been kind of a regular gig. But I find myself sat here reflecting… “Just when did it get quite so BIG!?” Back in my… Continue reading Halloween – It Ain’t Like It Used To Be!

I’m very lucky to still be in touch with a group of my gorgeous school friends. These are friendships that have seen me through the roller-coaster of my twenties and thirties, and this next 9 or so months will see each of us celebrate a very special birthday. This one is dedicated to The Girls. … Continue reading Approaching 40: A Poem

Ode to Judgy McJudgepants Ms Judgy McJudgepants (Cat’s Bumface for short ) A self righteous person and critical sort. Will remark on the things that you do through the day. Whilst not giving a toot if it’s not kind to say. She will cast her aspersions, dismiss and abuse, Without walking an inch in another… Continue reading Ode to Judgy McJudgepants

To every parent who is taking that proud picture of their little ones in a school uniform for the very first time. With all the hugs… As I glance at the clock where it ticks on the wall, I’m confused as to whether time’s passed here at all? The same ticking clock, The same silent… Continue reading How Is This Uniform Yours?

Dear Teacher… Our homework is due in at last. It’s taken 5 years but it’s somehow flown past!? We’ve worked really hard, and we think we’ve done great, If you’ll just overlook that we’re 10 mins late? There were times when we questioned the task that you’d set, But I reckon our work here’s the… Continue reading Dear Teacher… As Our Little Girl Starts School.

Hi. I am Dudley. I’m Dudley The Dog. I’m awarded with glee to your well behaved sprog. I’ll be thrust in your face with a giddy, proud squeak, As the teacher explains about “Star of The Week”. You may find yourself torn between absolute pride, And distrust for the guest that has thus been supplied.… Continue reading The Adventures of Dudley the Dog.

Remember your holidays just as a two? The blissful idea of nothing to do? The sleepy siestas and cocktails at noon, As you bathed in the sun to a tropical tune? The crisp hotel sheets and delicious menus, Relaxed pace of life and spectacular views? All of those things that once floated your boat… …… Continue reading Doing Holidays With The Small Humans…

A heartfelt letter to the “Smidiot” at Ikea who designed their multi-coloured packs of plastic plates and dishes: Dear Person at Ikea. With your very clever brain. Your packs of plastic toddler plates are driving me insane. “Let’s make them like a rainbow!” You announced to everyone. “Each plate a different colour! Let’s do that!… Continue reading Dear Person at Ikea…