If you're like most people (and don't fool yourself -- you are), C-H-A-N-G-E pretty much scares the dickens out of you. All of us try to make changes in our daily lives, but how many of us are really successful?

You try to quit smoking, or lose weight, or speak Hebrew, or visit your grandmother, or surf the Internet a bit less, or spend more time with your kids, and chances are you may make a bold and decent start, but it peters out after a few days. Or, more likely, you never really get started at all, you just talk about it all the time.

Welcome to the club. Everyone finds change difficult. But some people do seem to be better at it than others. What is their secret? How do they manage to move forward? Why do some people view life's hurdles as challenges to embrace while others perceive every new transition as a 50-ton barrier on the road in front of them?

The answer is not nearly as simple as this article appears to make it, but it is within reach.

Here are three keys that may not sound especially potent or very new, but still have the potential to catapult you from paralysis to action.

1. SEE WHAT YOU HAVE ALREADY DONE

A fundamental requirement for embarking on anything new is that you must believe in yourself. All of us have succeeded in certain areas and have failed in others. Unfortunately, the failures often seem to overshadow the achievements. We tend to magnify our deficiencies and downplay our accomplishments.

Savor the successes in your life and you'll soon start believing that you can.

This must stop. You'll never muster enough energy to make difficult changes without compelling evidence that you are a capable human being. The only way to do this is by remembering, listing, and savoring the successes in your life. Five minutes a day should be sufficient. After a while, you WILL start believing that you can.

How do we know this is true? Because the wisest of all men, King Solomon, said so.

"The heart of the wise man looks to the right; the heart of the fool looks left" (Proverbs).

The Hebrew language has the unique distinction of being written and read from right to left. This means that every holy book is opened and every subsequent page is turned to the right side. So many of us open these books with the best of intentions. We want to study, we want to teach, we want to finish etc. But, all too often, reality sets in. We get bogged down, we slow down, we lose our interest and our resolve. We want to quit and we often do.

A great part of our bent to surrender comes from the enormity of the task. "Look at how many pages there are in this book. I'll never finish anyway. I might as well quit now."

Stop, says King Solomon. You are looking at the wrong side of the book. Only a fool looks to the left. That shows you how many pages you haven't yet studied. Look to the right. There you will see what you have already learned. That will encourage you to continue your task and complete your mission. That is the formula for becoming wise.

2. 'COLD TURKEY' IS FOR THE BIRDS

Everyone has bad habits. They range from the terribly serious kind -- drugs, gambling, over-eating, to the milder variety -- nail-biting, interrupting, and being a 'neat freak'.

Most people make changes gradually.

One of the most potent stumbling blocks to success is the notion that the only way to quit is to do so all at once. Not true. I have found that most people make changes gradually. There are times and situations where only radical methods can be effective, but, by and large, throw a large hamburger on a high-chair tray in front of little Joey and chances are it will end up on the floor. But cut it into small, manageable, bite-size pieces and he might eat two burgers

Big Joey is a lot like little Joey. By definition, habits (and certainly addictions) are things we have done for long periods of time. The swift and sudden removal of them may produce swift and sudden change. But that is not what you are looking for. You want lasting change.

Identify a firm and specific goal. I want to stop coming late to meetings, dinners, work, synagogue, and medical appointments, whatever.

Do not attempt any alteration in your schedule for two weeks. Simply jot down every time you come late and by how many minutes.

Create an objective for the following week to reduce that late-coming by just five minutes in just two or three places.

Chart your results. Do not overreach your goal. Even if it seems easy, just stick to the plan.

Add five minutes and two more places each week.

If you fail, just extend the same projection for an additional week.

Take pleasure in your accomplishment. Reward yourself.

3. LEAVE THE COMPARISONS TO THE REAL ESTATE BROKERS

One of the side effects of this incredible Age of Communication is that everyone knows everything about everybody. Or, at least they think they do.

The fact is that we actually know very little about Stan, Debbie, or Miriam. All we know is what we see. And the reality may be very far from the discernible.

But that doesn't stop us from making constant and damaging comparisons.

"I'll just never be as popular as Miriam. So why even bother trying to make friends with __________."

"I'll always be a worrier. That's just the way I am wired. I wish I could be more like Debbie.

"So what if I'm unemployed. Stan's making high six figures and I should start at 60K?"

We use our mistaken impressions to formulate damaging comparisons about people around us, and then conclude that we can never "match up" to our peers.

God made each of us with our own unique personality, DNA, fingerprints, and purpose.

How soon we forget that God made each of us with our own unique personality, DNA, fingerprints, and purpose. No two people contain the same potential or mission on this planet. So, besides the fact that things are NEVER the way they seem, our goals must singularly be our own. What someone else, no matter how similar he may seem to you, has accomplished is completely irrelevant to your life objectives.

Focus on what is within your reach. Never forget that your capacity to change is not in any way associated with anyone else's achievements or failures. Be your own man or woman. Change is hard enough without having to compare yourself to anyone else.

In sum, focus on your successes, cut the new steps into bite-size pieces, and never ever compare yourself to anyone else. That's the simple formula to get you started on the road to change. No, the road is not perfectly paved, free of traffic, or easy to navigate. But it does not have to be nearly as daunting as we think it is.

Related Articles:

About the Author

Rabbi Yaakov Salomon, C.S.W. is a noted psychotherapist, in private practice in Brooklyn, N.Y. for over 25 years. He is a Senior Lecturer and the Creative Director of Aish Hatorah's Discovery Productions. He is also an editor and author for the Artscroll Publishing Series and a member of the Kollel of Yeshiva Torah Vodaath.

In these marvelous stories -- brimming with wit, understanding, a touch of irony and a large helping of authentic Torah perspective -- we will walk with a renowned and experienced psychotherapist and popular author through the pathways of contemporary life: its crowded sidewalks, its pedestrian malls, and the occasional dead end street. This is a walk through our lives that will be fun, entertaining -- and eye-opening. In our full -- sometimes overfull -- and complex lives, Yaakov Salomon is a welcome and much-needed voice of sanity and reason.

His speaking, writing and musical talents have delighted audiences from Harvard to Broadway and everything in between. Rabbi Salomon shares his life with his wife, Temmy, and their unpredictable family.

Visitor Comments: 44

(39)
Jong,
July 1, 2013 2:15 AM

Loved

I often forget that I am unique and therefore it is absurd to compare myself with other people's accomplishment. This article is succinct, to the point and easy to be put into practice. Wish I could remember all the steps suggested here. Rabbi, thank you so much!

(38)
David,
January 26, 2012 10:41 PM

WHY?!?

to create lasting change we need a BIG enough "WHY", ie a compelling reason to make the change and to maintain it

(37)
Leo Sarini,
January 25, 2012 12:46 PM

GOOD ARTICLE

I liked the article. Despite i am a jewish atheist, I found interesting our ancient history, like Solomon wisdom. I wish we can concentrate in PEOPLE who we can share and see and forget about INVISIBLE and USELESS deities.

Deborah,
January 25, 2012 3:00 PM

What arrogance!

You come on a Jewish website to deny G-d? You are sitting at your computer alive and breathing ... being created and sustained by Hashem at every moment....only to type that you deny Him? What arrogance!

Beverly Kurtin,
January 26, 2012 4:26 PM

Honesty

Please, Deborah, Leo is being honest, that is more than a lot of people would be. Take into consideration that he is HERE and perhaps may make the discovery that Hashem is not as invisible as he thinks. I understand your reaction and I am not criticizing your reaction because it, too, is an honest reply even though I found it harsh and possibly an automatic reply without even thinking too long about what you said. I've done it too, unfortunately, and all of us are guilty of having knee jerk reactions that later turn out to be inappropriate.
Leo, my friend, is G-d REALLY invisible and useless? Look at the world around you...why can you see? What do you see? Have you ever witnessed the beauty and majesty of "nature?" Who created it all?
In quantum physics we learn that there is nothing solid in the universe. If you go deep enough, everything we conceive of being solid is, in fact, filled with more empty space than solid materials.
The Universe should fly apart instead of sticking together. Look at what happens when you combine two highly explosive gases in the right ratio. Instead of hydrogen and oxygen exploding, they give us the one thing without which we cannot live: Water. Another combination is potassium and sodium. We cannot live--no animal can live--without the resulting stone called salt.
G-d is NOT invisible or useless. He shows himself in so many ways that we fail to recognize his hand in what has been created.
Lastly, when you are deeply grateful for something, like perhaps surviving a heart attack or having one of your children missed by a speeding car...who do you thank?
I, for one, appreciate your being here and appreciate your honestly; it is a rare quality these days. And lastly, simply because you ARE a Jew, I love you as I love all of our tribe.

Tomas,
January 29, 2012 9:14 AM

I agree with Beverly Kurtin

We all certainly wish that Leo return to Judaism one day. However, from the point of view of achieving this very objective, Deborah picked a very bad approach. Imagine that you want a broken relationship of two people restored for the benefit of both of them. You would hardly help by yelling out at one of them for leaving the other.
In addition to this, I personally believe that it is more important to HaShem whether a person lives and behaves ethically, rather than which religion or philosophy the person formally subscribes to.

Bracha,
January 31, 2012 3:44 AM

Are You Serious?

Are you seriously going to express your depressing athiest opinion in a place where people are trying so hard to find meanin and spirituality and to connect with G-D himself? We all know that, there's no athiest in a fox hole.

(36)
D,
January 24, 2012 4:34 PM

Baruch Hashem i found this article. It opened my eyes, gave me tools, and calmed me down. Very well written. Thank You very much.

(35)
ruth housman,
January 22, 2012 6:08 PM

Small Change

This reminds me of other uses of the word change, as in the calls I get in the downtown areas of Boston, "Please, have you got any small change!" And often I am moved and reach into my pockets for something, and sometimes I take a huge jar of loose change, as I did recently, and gave it to the woman collecting for The Salvation Army outside a local supermarket. "Here" and then I left quickly.
Change of all kinds, does happen slowly, and it is incremental, as you say. And as you so wisely say, we're all built differently and we each are to be valued, as we build the world, and in fact we do co-create the world with G_d. I know this, and never more deeply than I know htis now, because I took a profound journey of soul, and it brought me to this place at this time.
I have a dentist, a wonderful dentist, who always exhibits deep angst about the sorrows of this world. It never did make sense to him and he is so wonderful a person, he is always thinking about "the other" and he cares. He moved to a new office, and chose a wonderful man to work with, as he himself was getting older. This new dentist is named Dr. Chang, and he is a beautiful person. I know this just by looking around the office so loving in its details, the flowers, the fountain, the grace of those who work there. Chang and Change, for me, related words in htis context.
Something happened the other day. I said something, and it was deeply felt, Suddenly we all hugged. And I am saying that's how we make a difference, by words of love, and words can deeply change the world, our perceptions of the world, and that is why, we read articles and do comment. Because this story is about love and we all have a mission in sharing. Share the road, the deepest of road signs in the road we all do travel in life.

(34)
Anonymous,
January 22, 2012 5:42 PM

I love the concept of looking at what you have accomplished thus far. Although I have several pounds to lose before meeting my weight loss goal, I take pride in the fact that I already HAVE made inroads in this area of my life. Although there is a great deal of Hebrew which I cannot yet read, I AM working on making that change as well. Yasher koach to all who are working on self-improvement.

Anonymous,
January 26, 2012 4:52 PM

Mazle Tov!

Due to being on steroids for many years, I blew up like a balloon. I'm now in the process of losing 100 pounds with my doctor's supervision, of course. Hashem gave us INFINITE capabilities, all we have to do is use what he's given us. I'm proud of you!

(33)
Jane Kelley,
January 22, 2012 4:02 PM

Thank you, Rabbi.

How did you know I was wrestling with this very situation? Thank you for sharing your insight and wisdom.

(32)
yasser,
September 18, 2010 4:24 PM

a simple correction

i couldn't pass this wonderful article without feeling the duty to correct a simple statement, which i believe is the seek of every true writer.
i read in the first chapter :"The Hebrew language has the unique distinction of being written and read from right to left", to this i add that the arabic language , which has the same origin as the hebrew does, has those characteristics as well, that's the only thing i wanted to add in order to accmplish the beauty of such a good message by making it right.
i hope that my humble contribution would be accepted, and i cannot hide my admiration of this article again .
thank you

(31)
Debi,
August 17, 2009 6:22 PM

Like Joey, that my name was mentioned (though spelled differently) evoked a sense of serendipity. While the keys are relatively simple, they remain profound. Thanks so much!

(30)
Joey,
August 2, 2009 9:12 PM

The fact that you put my name in an example just made this seem even MORE serendipitous. ;-)
The one thing I would like to add: comparing yourself to others CAN be effective, sometimes, if you use it practically; that is, you try to emulate someone with a skill you want, or even ask them for advice. But the rabbi is right, even this is tricky, because what works for one person is not necessarily going to work for you, and the risk of negative comparison still needs to be avoided.
Thank you and God bless!

(29)
Barb Brando,
July 16, 2009 9:30 AM

This article was really GREAT !!!
Thanks Rabbi Yaakov Salomon !

(28)
Anonymous,
July 14, 2009 10:07 AM

thank you

i was amazed to just happen to look up this piece of advice and i had been thinking when willi ever reach the goal og getting a driver licence after so many failures one after another but as i came down tothe bottom end i laughed and relised a voice tell me yes....i have the keys just keeep up the driving...thanks for the encouragement.i am a mature aged driver not a teenager in my late 40s .please someone do pray at the Kotel/synagoge for me.beeen sit on the learners liscence too long.

(27)
NKOLIKA EZIMOH,
July 8, 2009 2:18 PM

Thank you. I need this change right away. Its inceredible but true.
Cheers!

(26)
Deborah,
July 6, 2009 6:48 PM

Thanks!

Well written, practical and inspiring advice! Thanks!

(25)
paul,
July 5, 2009 10:43 AM

Trust G-d

The co-founder of Alcoholics Anonymous summed up life in six words--Trust G-d--Clean House--Help Others--I find this the secret to the journey.

(24)
Michael,
July 5, 2009 5:56 AM

Clarification

I would like to clarify the origin of the quote from King Solomon. I believe that it is found in Ecclesiastes/Kohelet and not in Proverbs/Mishlei. In case anyone is looking for it, it is found in the tenth chapter, verse two.

(23)
Asha,
July 3, 2009 7:38 PM

Right on time for the huge CHANGE I'm making in my life.. Thank you Rabbi so much for every word...

(22)
Eddie in Monterey,
July 3, 2009 6:31 PM

Free Will?

-- The power to choose may be the only power we have.
-- "Knowing the future" is the worst illusion, and most disempowering.
-- "Reason is a wonderful servant, but a terrible Master"
-- "Cut the Gordian Knot!" (look it up!)
==>> "Today is the first day of the rest of your life" (be MORE demanding!)

(21)
Layla,
July 3, 2009 7:20 AM

thanks

Thank you Rabbi, this help mi a lot... areader from Israel in the middle of change

(20)
Anonymous,
July 2, 2009 4:12 PM

Thanks inspiring!!!

(19)
e. m. lefrak,
July 1, 2009 1:43 AM

Even imagine that you did it . . .

One concept that Rabbi Pliskin (of aish.com fame) writes in his seforim is that if you did an aciton even one time, it is "stored in your magnificent brain" and you can do the action again. He also writes that even imagining yourself doing the action, even if you've never done it, spur you to do the action.
Chofetz Chaim Heritage Foundation has the Chazak line - great shiurim, inspiration, all day. That can serve as a good pick-me up.
And of course - daven. Pray that HaShem help you change. Pray that HaShem help you see the good in your situaiton.
I'm writing to myself, too, not just to those who read this article . . .

(18)
Anonymous,
June 30, 2009 4:08 PM

That's not always the problem!

Sometimes people are too lazy to change, so they convince themselves that they are happy! In such a case they don't compare themselves to anyone, but just ,in a way, give up.

(17)
Chavi,
June 30, 2009 3:12 PM

response to #7

The quote you are referring to is: If you think you can, or you think you can not, you're right!

(16)
Anonymous,
June 29, 2009 10:27 PM

to the person who wrote: how do you chnage when your all alone and not well and poor

I will Be-ezrat Hashem pray for you that things should improve in your life. I will pray for "anonymous" because although i do not know your name, G-d knows who you are.

(15)
Anonymous,
June 29, 2009 10:11 PM

Thank You!

i was just thinking that i needed to work on myself... change the aspects of me that need perfection. i went onto aish.com and my mouse- without me noticing, clicked on this article! i saw the six letter word change and the name Rabbi Yaakov Salomon! amazed i thanked G-d for sending me exactly what i needed at that precise moment. i found this to be a brilliantly written article and am now not only willing, but excited, to change! thank you very much, toda rabba.

(14)
Regina,
June 29, 2009 6:38 PM

#3 - think of your outlook

Fixed income is worlds better than no income at all. Whatever your situation in life, there are other people you can help - the sick at the hospital, the illiterate, the hungry - giving your time and ear to others fills one's life with purpose and feeling of fulfilment.

(13)
Anonymous,
June 29, 2009 1:31 PM

health is hope

I hope my brief story gives you hope in your own life.
I've been down and felt everything was lost. I was clearly depressed and had a couple of other ouchy issues going back to childhood as well. Now, after doing a ton of online research and going to a doctor I am on a great antidepressant. Wow! I tell you, thank God, my life has never been better! Health is hope

(12)
John,
June 29, 2009 4:14 AM

Awsome

I was not born Jewish but G-d must have gevin me the heart of Ruth. Your G-d is My G-d. Where you live is where I live. Where you die is where I die. Thank you for the reminder about comparison. One day I came home from school with a low grade in math. When my dad asked about it I justified my low accomplishment by saying well a least I didn't get a lower grade like (one of my other classmates). I still remember the repercussions of that conversation 45 years latter. Again thaks for the reminder on comparison.

(11)
Anonymous,
June 28, 2009 9:34 PM

#3, re-read the article!

#3--Re-read the article! Like you I'm alone and I'm not close to my kids, but I built myself a social life after my wife died. People who are shut in might welcome a friendly visitor, and bringing them a newspaper can brighten their day! Or train with Literacy Volunteers, and teach people to read. The smiles you'll get in return are worth a million bucks. Giving of yourself is its own reward! You are the change you've been waiting for. Just do it!

(10)
,
June 28, 2009 8:45 PM

NICE WORK

CARRY ON BY EACH MICRO SECOND.
M9Z.

(9)
MIchelle,
June 28, 2009 8:23 PM

WOW!

Thanks, this article is simple and profound!

(8)
George Samuels,
June 28, 2009 5:51 PM

Person and Government

As a Jew, the article sounds like what actions Israel must take to survive in the new world. As you wrote "Most changes come gradually." Change must come.

(7)
Anonymous,
June 28, 2009 5:28 PM

Too much analysis

If you think you can - you will
If you think you cannot - you're right !!
excerpt from a famous saying.

(6)
Toini,
June 28, 2009 4:18 PM

what a powerful motivation!

That is a wonderful tools. Thank you so much Rabbi Salomon.

(5)
Anonymous,
June 28, 2009 4:02 PM

small change is alway possible...

...even if you live in a bad neighbourhood, live on a fixed income, etc. I used to be in this situation, and it took many years, many setbacks, but I'm doing better now. I suggest loooking for exceptions, times when you did something good, helped change someone or something. Maybe try to make one friend in the neighbourhood, work toward change there. B'ezrat Hashem, you can start to make very small changes.

(4)
Anonymous,
June 28, 2009 2:11 PM

THANK YOU

Thank you Dr Salomon
It is unbelievable how a simple article on the internet can have such a huge impact in one´s mental health.
You are a tzaddik.

(3)
Anonymous,
June 28, 2009 2:08 PM

how do you chnage when your all alone and not well and poor

I failed in my marriage,rassing my children.in my job and now my health.I have no life.I live in a bad neighborhood on a fixed income with no social life, My friends of over 40 years all live a distance away and are happily married.
change would be welcome but not available

(2)
Rosen,
June 28, 2009 1:56 PM

change and improving

Change can be a good thing, which gradually happens, much like improving one's lifestyle. I'm not sure whether change and improvement are necessarily synonamous, though.

I'm told that it's a mitzvah to become intoxicated on Purim. This puzzles me, because to my understanding, it is not considered a good thing to become intoxicated, period.

One of the characteristics of the at-risk youth is their use of drugs, including alcohol. In my experience, getting drunk doesn't reveal secrets. It makes people act stupid and irresponsible, doing things they would never do if they were sober. Also, I know a lot about the horrible health effects of abusing alcohol, because I work at a research center that focuses on addiction and substance abuse.

Also, I am an alcoholic, which means that if I drink, very bad things happen. I have not had a drink in 22 years, and I have no intention of starting now. Surely there must be instances where a person is excused from the obligation to drink. I don't see how Judaism could ever promote the idea of getting drunk. It just doesn't seem right.

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Putting aside for a moment all the spiritual and philosophical reasons for getting drunk on Purim, this remains an issue of common sense. Of course, teenagers should be warned of the dangers of acute alcohol ingestion. Of course, nobody should drink and drive. Of course, nobody should become so drunk to the point of negligence in performing mitzvot. And of course, a recovering alcoholic should not partake of alcohol on Purim.

Indeed, the Code of Jewish Law explicitly says that if one suspects the drinking may affect him negatively, then he should NOT drink.

Getting drunk on Purim is actually one of the most difficult mitzvot to do correctly. A person should only drink if it will lead to positive spiritual results - e.g. under the loosening affect of the alcohol, greater awareness will surface of the love for God and Torah found deep in the heart. (Perhaps if we were on a higher spiritual level, we wouldn't need to get drunk!)

Yet the Talmud still speaks of an obligation on Purim of "not knowing the difference between Blessed is Mordechai and Cursed is Haman." How then should a person who doesn't drink get the point of “not knowing”? Simple - just go to sleep! (Rama - OC 695:2)

All this applies to individuals. But the question remains - does drinking on Purim adversely affect the collective social health of the Jewish community?

The aversion to alcoholism is engrained into Jewish consciousness from a number of Biblical and Talmudic sources. There are the rebuking words of prophets - Isaiah 28:1, Hosea 3:1 with Rashi, and Amos 6:6, and the Zohar says that "The wicked stray after wine" (Midrash Ne'alam Parshat Vayera).

It is well known that the rate of alcoholism among Jews has historically been very low. Numerous medical, psychological and sociological studies have confirmed this. The connection between Judaism and sobriety is so evident, that the following conversation is reported by Lawrence Kelemen in "Permission to Receive":

When Dr. Mark Keller, editor of the Quarterly Journal of Studies on Alcohol, commented that "practically all Jews do drink, and yet all the world knows that Jews hardly ever become alcoholics," his colleague, Dr. Howard Haggard, director of Yale's Laboratory of Applied Physiology, jokingly proposed converting alcoholics to the Jewish religion in order to immerse them in a culture with healthy attitudes toward drinking!

Perhaps we could suggest that it is precisely because of the use of alcohol in traditional ceremonies (Kiddush, Bris, Purim, etc.), that Jews experience such low rates of alcoholism. This ceremonial usage may actually act like an inoculation - i.e. injecting a safe amount that keeps the disease away.

Of course, as we said earlier, all this needs to be monitored with good common sense. Yet in my personal experience - having been in the company of Torah scholars who were totally drunk on Purim - they acted with extreme gentleness and joy. Amid the Jewish songs and beautiful words of Torah, every year the event is, for me, very special.

Adar 12 marks the dedication of Herod's renovations on the second Holy Temple in Jerusalem in 11 BCE. Herod was king of Judea in the first century BCE who constructed grand projects like the fortresses at Masada and Herodium, the city of Caesarea, and fortifications around the old city of Jerusalem. The most ambitious of Herod's projects was the re-building of the Temple, which was in disrepair after standing over 300 years. Herod's renovations included a huge man-made platform that remains today the largest man-made platform in the world. It took 10,000 men 10 years just to build the retaining walls around the Temple Mount; the Western Wall that we know today is part of that retaining wall. The Temple itself was a phenomenal site, covered in gold and marble. As the Talmud says, "He who has not seen Herod's building, has never in his life seen a truly grand building."

Some people gauge the value of themselves by what they own. But in reality, the entire concept of ownership of possessions is based on an illusion. When you obtain a material object, it does not become part of you. Ownership is merely your right to use specific objects whenever you wish.

How unfortunate is the person who has an ambition to cleave to something impossible to cleave to! Such a person will not obtain what he desires and will experience suffering.

Fortunate is the person whose ambition it is to acquire personal growth that is independent of external factors. Such a person will lead a happy and rewarding life.

With exercising patience you could have saved yourself 400 zuzim (Berachos 20a).

This Talmudic proverb arose from a case where someone was fined 400 zuzim because he acted in undue haste and insulted some one.

I was once pulling into a parking lot. Since I was a bit late for an important appointment, I was terribly annoyed that the lead car in the procession was creeping at a snail's pace. The driver immediately in front of me was showing his impatience by sounding his horn. In my aggravation, I wanted to join him, but I saw no real purpose in adding to the cacophony.

When the lead driver finally pulled into a parking space, I saw a wheelchair symbol on his rear license plate. He was handicapped and was obviously in need of the nearest parking space. I felt bad that I had harbored such hostile feelings about him, but was gratified that I had not sounded my horn, because then I would really have felt guilty for my lack of consideration.

This incident has helped me to delay my reactions to other frustrating situations until I have more time to evaluate all the circumstances. My motives do not stem from lofty principles, but from my desire to avoid having to feel guilt and remorse for having been foolish or inconsiderate.

Today I shall...

try to withhold impulsive reaction, bearing in mind that a hasty act performed without full knowledge of all the circumstances may cause me much distress.

With stories and insights,
Rabbi Twerski's new book Twerski on Machzor makes Rosh Hashanah prayers more meaningful. Click here to order...