firsts.

I’ve done my best to blog about all the changes, but honestly, she’s learning and doing and changing so quickly, I really can’t keep up.

Five months.

When I think about the amount of time she’s been home – in relation to how she has grown, and how she has absolutely captured us – it seems like a really long time. I mean, goodness… five months ago she was essentially a stranger. And now we could not imagine life without her.

But when I think about that five months – in relation to how long she was without us – it seems like almost nothing. And the 19+ months seems devastatingly long.

570 days.

Makes my heart hurt in so many ways for her.

In a few ways my heart hurts for all of us. Like how many Clementine *firsts* we missed.

But then we have days like the other day. Clementine’s very first trip to the park.

It was also her first time on a big swing, pushed by her mama.

And her first trip down a slide, being held by her baba.

Her first time to feel fake-park-grass-stuff under her feet.

And her first time to take a step on that grass-stuff all by tiny, sweet self.

It was her first adventure through a big yellow tunnel, with a brother sticking his smiling face through the holes to try to make her laugh.

And a sister behind her, to make sure she didn’t get scared.

And a mama, waiting for her at the end.

It was her first trip to a park as a sister.

A daughter.

A beloved member of a family.

If these are the kind of firsts we’re in for, despite missing the first 19 months of firsts…