Sometimes, I have received very kind compliments from others about me being a “good mom”. That phrase always made me a little uncomfortable and it would leave me thinking thoughts like: “Clearly they didn’t see me pull into the Taco Bell drive thru last night with both gingers in tow blasting Highway to Hell and cursing at the car in front of us for checking over their 8-mile long receipt 5 times before driving away and liberating our impatient asses from a close brush with death by starvation! Yeah, maybe I should keep that mom moment to myself if I want to keep my community gold stars.”

And, rewinding several years back, at the beginning of my new role as a single parent, I found myself making compromises I never thought I would make, which led to even greater feelings of inadequacy and self-shaming as a parent. It was in these times, that I finally figured out why I had so much trouble with the phrase “good mom”. It occurred to me that, if my goal is to be a “good mom” then the goal is focused on me, not my daughters. And what makes a “good mom” anyway? Who approves those qualifications in the Good Mothering for Dummies manual? If you gave the manual-approval task to let’s say…Kim Kardashian, J. K. Rowling or your first grade teacher, they would all go to print as very different manuals. Furthermore, even if we could agree on a standard manual, if my children should make bad choices, does that automatically make me a “bad mom”? According to some members of society, the answer would be a resounding YES, BITCH! I see one major problem that I believe has created unnecessary suffering from the notion that we are or are not “good parents”:

When we seek to be good parents, we make it about ourselves and this puts us in danger of having unrealistic expectations on our kids that may have little or nothing to do with their own unique path in life or what they actually need. Wanna know how I know this? I can remember on more than one occasion coming down hard on ginger #1 because others were watching and I felt like they were waiting for me to deal with my toddler’s seemingly insubordinate behavior when my mother’s intuition was telling me there was more to it than that and I should dig a little deeper.

Unfortunately, my ego won out many times before I figured out that this child was not simply trying to get her way or rebelling, but that she was painfully shy, sensitive and easily embarrassed and was trying to literally hide from unwarranted punishment or shaming. In other words, my need for approval from other parents caused me to dish out punishments that didn’t always have an offense attached to it (or that didn’t fit the offense). This resulted in, not only unwarranted punishment, but it heaped on more of the disapproval she was so desperately trying to avoid. I’m sure you can imagine what little value any “good mom” compliment might have upon that realization.

Standing in a parent-focused mindset makes moms and dads vulnerable to “performing” for other parents. If we get caught up in performance, we will inevitably start hiding the things our pride won’t allow us to talk about with other people in the community. When we drench our children’s taboo behavior or poor choices in secrecy, we give it far greater power than it ever should’ve had and we cut ourselves off from potential support for ourselves and our struggling children. Ego has a way of putting a gun to our heads and making us believe that we are holding a wisdom dispenser.

It shows up as denial. It says: “I need things to go smoothly so I can maintain the weight of this fake ass smile that I’m holding up in front of my resting bitch face.” It says: “I don’t know what to do about my child’s drug addiction, pregnancy, depression, (fill in the blank) and I’m terrified of the rejection and slander we may face from the community.” It remorsefully cries: “I’ve made some mistakes as a parent and no one would love me if they knew about it.” And these are thoughts that keep us quiet and keep us doing nothing, hoping it isn’t as bad as we thought and that it might just go away if we close our eyes tight enough. Wanna know how I know?

What would happen if we eliminated our ideas about what a “good” or “bad” parent is? How might we be able to support each other through the beautiful and yet, agonizing travels through parenthood and make it a better trip for everyone involved, namely our children? What would be possible if we could allow ourselves to show up boldly and be willing to receive support but also create a safe space for others to receive it as well?

I don’t mind going first, so stay tuned for more exciting tales about a mom who loves her daughters with reckless and crazy love and who often fails miserably at being the mom she envisioned she’d be the day they came into the world. If you want to feel better about your parenting skills by comparison, you will find that here for sure. If you want more for your children, your family and the collective consciousness that spans the Universe, plan on nothing short of an Evolution Revolution.

If you enjoy creative writing or if a challenge makes you feel like a modern day SuperFly, then you might want to get in on the NaPOWriMO 30/30 Challenge. Artists, Poets, and every species of Professional Humans are encouraged to write 30 poems in 30 days during the month of April and the site gives out daily writing prompts suggestions to help you stay in the flow. You don’t have to use them, but I, personally, have always loved reading all the different experiences and perspectives we can all have writing from the same prompt. The Human Experience is full of color and life, even in written form.

Even if you don’t consider yourself a writer, give it a try. You never know what might rise up from the depths of your flesh and experience. As a writer and poet, I often sit down to write something with a clear picture in mind of what I want to communicate and by the time my piece is complete, I am shocked at what is staring back at me on the page! It is not a rare thing to find myself with gaping jaw, staring at the page (sometimes wet with fresh tear droplets) thinking “Well that took an unexpected turn.” or “Did I just write that?” I have often learned things I wasn’t fully aware of about myself through word pictures I have painted.

Writing is more than a professional service or duty for me. Above all else, it is therapy. I have been writing ever since I was a child and I believe it’s one of several reasons I’m still on this planet. Writing helps me breathe. It reminds me who I am, where I’ve been and where I’m going. Other people’s writing reminds me I am not alone. I love the human experience. It’s not always pretty, but it always puts out beauty, even through the ugliest situations.

Why not put a little beauty on a page today? You don’t even have to share it with anyone. You may learn something about yourself. But beware…you might not like what you learn. You might find out you are still angry at an old lover, or that your childhood wasn’t all you thought it was. You might discover that you are terrified of the next phase of your life or that you hate your job more than you thought. Or you might realize how deeply in love you really are with your spouse or how grateful you are for your children or your lifestyle. Whatever may be waiting for you on that page, I’m asking you to embrace it and let it inspire you to grow, to want more, to be relentless and intentional about your joy, to face your fears…whatever is required. What do you have to lose? Or rather, what might you have to gain?

Brazen sky…pink with fire
Rhythm of rain
Wet with desire
Go catch your life
On the tip of your tongue
Swallow it down
Then take off and run

With no turn of your head
Nor blink of your eye
Just take up your torch
And dance toward that light
Bring it close to your lips
Then push it away
Cast a Gypsy Eclipse On the shadows of day
And rub your flames
Up against the black skies
Undressing the darkness
Disarming the lies

Come fill up your lungs
With a riotous gospel
Now stop…
Blow it forth…
Pass the pipe
To Apostles

(GYPSY ECLIPSE by Karen Davis King)

As a side note, I am already behind on the challenge and the above poem is an old one. Just keeping it real from one Professional Human to another!

Remember the days of cassette tapes and vinyl albums? It wasn’t that long ago, yet those days are far out of our reach and have become distant, polaroid memores. How many times, (for those of us “seasoned” enough to recall) did you pick up that needle and carefully place it back on that same inch of vinyl or rewind that one song that you just couldn’t get enough of, until your album had more scratches than a rockstar’s back or the tape became so unraveled from the confines of its neatly coiled home that no amount of turning those two little wheels could fix it?

Play….rewind….play….rewind…Like toddlers begging for one more ride on Dad’s shoulders, we couldn’t get enough of that one song. “AGAIN!” “AGAIN!” You know the song. That song that made you feel so Bad Ass that you forgot how awful you were at sports or or roller-skating or whatever you sucked at, your acne and braces disappeared into a cloud of imaginary stage fog and your jeans transformed into spandex…all in a matter of seconds. For me, it was Nick Gilder’s “Hot Child In the City”. Every time I hear that song, I am transported back to the 5th grade, sporting my green tough skins and my Foxy Lady Tee-shirt that I wore out as relentlessly as that super hot track on my cassette tape. I loved the way that song made me feel. It changed the way I saw myself, at least for that 3 minutes and 35 seconds, but that feeling often hung around long after the song was over…or at least during the minute and 1/2 it would take to rewind the song again.

Fast forward roughly 35 years later…My human tour bus has taken many twists and turns and broken down a number of times, but it has all been worth it because it has brought me right to the front row of Life…living a dream I never would have expected back then. I am doing more of the work and play that lights my fire and less of the things that extinguish it. I am in the business of empowering others to become their highest, healthiest selves. The best part is that my fire is being fueled by YOU. I love what I learn from other people’s stories and experiences. We are all so brilliantly unique and have so much to share and give and it is an honor to be serving and growing with each of you.

Now it’s your turn….What makes YOU feel like a rock star and how long has it been since you have done that thing? Is it time to hit the rewind button until you find it? Go ahead…rewind….find it…do it…and then rewind, repeat, rewind, repeat. You get the idea.

Of all of the different services I offer, my favorite thing of all is to dance and drum with humans of all ages. The classes I facilitate hold a flavor that feeds the soul even more than they benefit the physical body (but they do both rather beautifully). I teach GROOVE and POUND (and yes, I already realize it sounds kind of dirty, especially when you put both of those words together). GROOVE is a dance class that unites people on the DanceFloor in very simple, choreographed movements while inspiring them to dance the moves in their own unique way. POUND is a high energy way of channeling your inner rockstar using slightly weighted drumsticks and lots of plyometrics and bad-assery. The classes I offer for adults looks very different from the classes I offer children and the elderly population, but they all bring very similar responses. They have a creative and expressive quality that opens doors for great fun and a deeper connection to your mind, body and soul. The best part is, if you’re not ready for all that mind/body/spirit connection, you don’t have to go there – you can just have a deliciously fun time sweating and being awesome in a room full of other awesome, sweaty people. Honestly, what’s not to love?

While it’s the most fun ever in my opinion, I often walk away from a class knowing I’ve made a difference in someone’s life and that keeps my spirit full on the best and worst of days. One of the environments where I get the most visual, verbal and intuitive confirmation of this in the assisted living and memory care units at several senior living homes where I teach. I see their faces when they are drumming and dancing. They could care less whether or not they are jamming out to Queen, Pit Bull or Frank Sinatra, I know they feel alive and engaged and shouldn’t every human being have that privilege while being on this planet?

We don’t need to wait for someone to give us permission. We don’t need to wait for good times to have something to dance about. In many cultures and throughout history, human beings have used dancing and singing as a means of comforting or empowering themselves to keep going through hardships most of us have only read about. We can use it to mourn, to celebrate, to feel sensual, to express emotion, to tell a story…the list goes on. We sometimes forget that an 85 year old still wants to feel sensual and free (unless you are 85, then it’s a given).

We forget that someone in their golden years is grieving one loss after another – loss of abilities, loss of friends and other loved ones, loss of respect from people who only see a fragile frame and don’t see their rich history that took them this far, declining senses that once brought them pleasure, the loss of perky breasts and smoother skin, etc. And we expect them to just sit there and suck it up with a smile. If you want edge-of-your-seat entertainment, come visit me in a few decades when my kids try to take my driver’s license away from me. It will be EPIC, I promise!

I know that what I do has a powerful impact, but it’s not rocket science. All I really do is come into their homes heart first and show them what it looks like to use movement to get free. The burdens of brutal judgments – whether self-imposed or otherwise, are stripped away in that 30 minute time block. And when the class is over, the last part of this weekly routine involves me giving each of them a hug and making eye contact. Sometimes, I pause and just gaze into their eyes for an extended period of time and I’ve noticed something interesting about that simple act. Older folks will just gaze right back. Most people find it terribly uncomfortable and might look away or giggle to deal with the awkwardness of a wordless dive into the eyes. Not so for the elder, the most professional of all humans. They look back and smile or sometimes cry because someone took the time to look them in the eye and see their soul and their story.

How often do we forget to look “into” someone instead of “at” someone? We all want to be seen, heard and known. What would it take for you to look “into” the eyes of someone you are used to merely looking “at” today? How might that change your eyes…or theirs? What could it show you? Maybe nothing. Or maybe everything. There’s only one way to find out…

Last night, my teenage daughter and I were texting each other about the winter storm that was coming our way. Like most of us, no matter how old we get, there is something about a snow storm that transports us back into a pair of feet pajamas jumping up and down for joy. The world takes pause and gives us permission to be interrupted from our daily routines and responsibilities by an symphony of magical flakes that never fail to deliver an awe-inspiring performance worthy of a standing ovation.

I could feel her excitement through her texts and through the many memories I have collected over her 15-year life span of that “snow glow” she wears at the mere possibility of descending flakes. It felt so bittersweet to be texting her instead of being there with her and her sister, creating yet another illustration for the treasured tales of our lives together. I’m greedy like that. I was given the gift of spending most of their waking and sleeping hours with them for the first 12 years of their lives. That has been a gift I am eternally grateful for, but I would be lying if I said it was enough. It will never be enough. Ever. I will always want more time with them, more laughter, more tears, more conversation, more picnics, more hugs, more political debates, more challenges, more growth, more life…with them.

Sometimes, it doesn’t feel fair to me that their father and I now split the time and, due to certain circumstances, he often gets more of their time than I do. But there is not enough time on this planet to waste on complaints or regrets. So, I allowed a few tears of motherly ache to be released and then celebrated the fact that my daughters and their father have been given the gift of time in the same way we had that gift in their earlier years.

Between the time they were born and our unfortunate separation that ended in divorce, their father missed out on some time with them in those first 12 years while building the business that allowed me to be with them so much. And now, the roles have reversed to some degree and he is with them a little more than half the time while I’m building my business. I never imagined myself here – divorced, running a business or even believing that I could, and sharing another snow day with them through texts and pictures. But I know I’m not alone.

We all face those moments when we suddenly stop and look around only to find unrecognizable territory as far as the eye can see. We are left scratching our heads like a hungover frat boy who can’t find his pants or his car, thinking “What the hell happened?” The trick is not spending too much time looking over your shoulder. Sure, you will want to look back long enough to catch the lessons that help you move forward with greater precision on where you place your next steps. But don’t stand there circling through the haze for too long, or you might end up lost.

It’s too easy to get lost in the nostalgia of better days gone by instead of planning and creating better days ahead. And few of us have ever needed help finding reasons to brutalize ourselves with condemnation and self-hatred – it’s one of our most brilliant methods of distraction from loving ourselves. Being a victim is easy. Hating yourself is easy. Judging and oppressing yourself will always be a piece of cake. Most of us do these things effortlessly, but self-love, personal freedom and standing in your power doesn’t have to be so hard.

It all comes down to the decisions we make every day about who we will show up as and how we will choose to see the world. When negative things happen, we can choose despair or we can choose to see a loving God who brings us many opportunities to keep working through our baggage by providing us with tasks we believe we can’t handle. The Universe knows better…and everything can change when we know better too. But it will pretty much look exactly the same until we DECIDE something different. That is what will allow us to do what we cannot – our daily decisions that we act upon. There was a time in my life when I would have started planning my retirement in the Psych Ward if I had been shown what the last 6 years have entailed. But those years woke something up in me that I have felt stirring all my life. Those years called upon a divine fire that was being fanned specifically for this time.

And even though I may not be eating snowballs and making a hot meal for my kids today during the snow storm, I have been blessed with a powerful reassurance: All those years I was making daily decisions to love my family have equipped my daughters with a fire of their own that is bringing them through painful life adjustments with their hearts in tact. So, when I look at my phone and see “I love you Mommy” at the end of our string of texts, I see a young lady who is learning alongside of her mother to make the best of things. I see girls who are deciding to love and to keep moving forward no matter what. I see nothing but inspiring beauty, even through the storms.

I have this awesome deck of “Truth Bomb” cards that I get a big charge out of on a regular basis. Created by Danielle LaPorte (author of the Desire Map), truth bombs are basically a box full of little nuggets of truth and wisdom to ponder. I like to choose one daily to reflect and meditate on. I also like to give them away to other people. Sometimes, I will leave them with my lunch bill for a server, or leave one on a public bathroom mirror, gas pump, etc.

I like to think about who might find these little love notes and how it might impact them. I am a firm believer in following those little nudges we get from the Universe to call a friend we haven’t talked to in months, extend some shape of kindness for a total stranger or send a gift to someone for no reason. These nudges don’t always make sense to us and sometimes we can talk ourselves out of doing it as quickly as it entered our mind. We start judging the genius that rose up in our consciousness against our lame logic like “They will think I”m batshit crazy” or “They might misunderstand my intentions and they will be offended and think I’m a horrible person.”

The reality is: The Universe and its creator do not always make sense to us because…well, we are epic idiots compared to the knowing of Omnipotence. This is why we need constant direction and guidance from the Source of all things. You can call it God, Universe, Beyonce or whatever you like, but no matter what you call it, that source is always going to be available to expand our hearts and minds as long as we tap into it. And yet, despite how much we may be aware of this, we can still resort to an insulting level of arrogance. We can still find ourselves assuming our small, limiting logic, which is based solely off of our experiences, fears and the opinions of others, should hold more wisdom than the omnipotence that formed us and made us a significant part of this big, beautiful experience called life.

Often, we follow our ego and quiet that authentic voice that speaks from a bigger place. Ironically, as I am writing this, I literally just caught myself trying to talk myself out of writing every day (a commitment I recently made to myself) because I might run out off things to write about. That’s like saying if you workout regularly, you might run out of energy, muscle and coordination! But alas, the Ego often tries to keep us safe in the same old places we’ve been hanging out, even when we don’t want to hang out there any longer. It says “NO!!!! Don’t leave the safety bubble I’ve created for us! I know it looks like pure joy outside, but TRUST ME…it’s dangerous out there! There is fresh air, birds, flowers, puppies, sunshine, rain. Anything could happen! Just keep doing the same old thing inside the bubble where I can protect you from the unknown.”

Well, if that doesn’t get the embalming fluids going, I don’t know what will.

How many times do we doubt that inner voice? How often do we convince ourselves that we can’t do something until we…(fill in lame excuse here)? I promise you, if self-doubt were a sport, I would have been bringing home Olympic gold medals in it for decades now. But more recently, as I’ve been working on scaling down my baggage from a U-haul to a carry-on, I’m noticing that when I do the following 3 things, life always works out better for me and those around me and I feel more like myself in the world:

Stay connected with Source as often as possible

Don’t just listen to your intuition…actually do the thing! In doing this, your actions are letting the Universe know that you BELIEVE it will support you in succeeding.

Remind yourself constantly that YOU HAVE EVERYTHING YOU NEED.
God would not call you to a triathalon and then chop off your arms and legs (and even if He did, He would give you prosthetics or fins or whatever else to help you succeed and that would make crossing the finish line all the more inspiring, miraculous and bad ass)!

If you are tired of getting tangled up in your own safety net, then please give these three simple steps a try. If you enjoy navigating your daily life through the morgue of human rationale, then do nothing (but do tell the mortician I said best wishes and that I’m sorry but I won’t be seeing him anytime soon.) And one more thing…if I ever actually do hear anyone refer to the Source of all things as Beyonce, I will drag that person by the ear into some emergency coaching sessions with me (not really, but kind of).

My name is Karen Davis King and I’m here to start an Evolution Revolution.

What does it mean to be a “Professional Human?” It means PRESENCE. The human experience is full of ups and downs, pains and pleasures. It is a buffet of tumultuous flavors of emotions and feelings and we often prefer to choose only the pleasant ones and avoid the things that make us feel uncomfortable. But discomfort is where you find yourself. C.S. Lewis put it this way: “Pain insists upon being attended to. God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our consciences, but shouts in our pains. It is his megaphone to rouse a deaf world.”

When we get too comfortable, life loses its colors and wild wonder. We grow numb. Most of us prefer to be comfortable, but what if we learned how to experience joy and excitement while standing in the discomfort? What if we began to see that place as just another glorious step across the dance floor of the MOTHER LOAD of parties? What if we allowed ourselves to listen to our inner voice that demands an authentic life? You know the voice I’m talking about. It’s not a voice you hear, but rather FEEL.

You felt it when they told you to play it safe instead of riding your dream off into the sunset. You felt it when you saw the magazine cover that made you cram a meal replacement down your throat when your body was begging you for nourishment in the shape of a well-rounded plate of actual food. You felt it when the sex was void of that connection you long for and the kind of passion that gets you thrown up against the wall and leaves you smiling for days.

You feel it when you break promises to yourself. You didn’t meditate this morning, you missed yoga class…again…That trip you’ve been wanting to take or the business you’ve always wanted to start, still waits for you to map out a plan. And another week of choosing a life you tolerate over a life you are madly in love with comes and goes.

The passion, purpose and pleasure that waits for you on the other side of
your fears and doubts are constantly stirring within you, demanding attention. Sometimes they call like a tender, loving caress of a lover and other times, they come calling like a violent cancer. They dial in with persistence and they won’t stop, until you answer. Think of it like a debt collector. They don’t care about your lame excuses why you can’t nurture your mind, body and spirit or why it’s not the right time to take action. They only want one thing. They know that you have something valuable to give the world…and that gift is not about you. They know that it is your divine responsibility to live well and embrace the art of being a human being on planet earth, so that others can benefit from your joy, wealth and experiences.

What if today were the day? What might be possible if you were to answer that call and started adding more color, more texture and energy to your beautiful OPUS? Your MASTERPIECE is waiting.