Most ridiculous weatherman names of all time

I was talking to a friend from Los Angeles on the phone not too long ago, and name-dropped my favorite meteorologist, saying something like “Bill Martin thinks it isn’t going to rain this weekend.”

nyu.edu

With hair that perfect and God-like, his name could only be Sam Champion.

“Your weatherman is named Bill Martin?” was the reply “… Seriously?”

There are a lot of things we take for granted about our quality of life in the Bay Area. One of the biggest: our weather providers have normal names. I lived in Hollywood for four years, and all of the weather people in the area had names like A) Superheroes; B) Porn stars; or C) Superheroes with porn-based powers. The only chance you had of meeting someone named Bill Martin or Joel Bartlett in Los Angeles is if you called for a plumber or an optometrist.

I wonder if KTVU chief meteorologist Martin took crap for his name from the other weathermen in weather school. It must have been tempting for him to change his name to “Billy Monsoon” or “Martin Showers” or something similarly douch-ey. (Incidentally, I have a friend who manages a surf shop in San Francisco who says Martin really does surf. I enjoy Martin’s relaxed appearances on KNBR as well.)

I’ve been pretty good about making a mental note whenever I run across a ridiculous weatherman or weatherwoman name over the years. With a little bit of added help from this article, I’ve compiled my choices for the five all-time most over-the-top weather person names. Please add any that were missed in the comments …

UPDATED 1/17 1:05 p.m. The order of the list has been rearranged. See this post for an explanation.

5. Larry Sprinkle: (WCNC in Charlotte, N.C.)

When weatherpeople have their ceremony at the end of weather school to get their special TV names, I’m guessing that Larry was the Kent “Flounder” Dorfman of the class. He must be one kick-ass weatherman, because having the word “Sprinkle” as a surname is a serious liability in that field. Only Larry Drizzle would be worse. (It’s still not too late to change it, Larry! My top choices: Larry Thunder and Larry Cumulonimbus.)

montcrossareachamber.com

Larry Thunder would have demanded a bigger sign.

4. Dallas Raines: (KABC in Los Angeles)

I remember several things about Dallas Raines from my time in Los Angeles: He and/or the marketing people at the station were constantly throwing out his credentials as a meteorologist, similar to the way that certain people from Cornell can’t go five minutes without mentioning their alma mater. (Bill Martin is AMS certified, and you don’t see three long paragraphs about it on his newsroom bio.) Dallas Raines was also exceptionally smooth. While other weather people treat their segments like a piece of performance art, Raines walked into the party like he was walking onto a yacht. Here’s a short video that shows what I’m talking about — note how he starts talking before showing up in the frame, to build anticipation. And despite having the most over-the-top weatherman name that I had ever heard, he looked like a Dallas Raines.

3. Sam Champion: (ABC’s “Good Morning America”)

I’m not going to make too much fun of this one, because according to a recent geneology segment on “Good Morning America,” Champion is his real name and has been for generations. But I do wonder if he felt pressure as a young boy to go into either adult films or weather. Certain fields of study must have been closed to him altogether. You’ll never find a social worker named “Sam Champion.”

crazyauntperl.com

We get it — you went to weather school …

2. Johnny Mountain: (KCAL in Los Angeles)

While living in L.A., I was always fascinated by Mountain, because he looked so much like a “Hardcastle and McCormick”-era Brian Keith. Like everyone in the Top 3, this was a case of Johnny Mountain getting greedy. It’s the same idea as getting a too-big breast augmentation. If he just chose “Johnny” or “Mountain,” it would have kept people wondering if he changed his names. But by picking both, it’s painfully obvious they’re not real. (Take this criticism with a grain of salt. Mostly I’m just jealous that he got a guest spot on “The A-Team.”)

1. Storm Field: (WABC, WCBS in New York; retired)

I wouldn’t want the pressure of a name like Storm Field, because there would be so many expectations in the bedroom. Other than that, there’s pretty much no downside. Storm Field trivia #1: He was replaced by Sam Champion when he left WABC in 1991. Storm Field trivia #2: He worked at two different stations with his father, the more modestly named Dr. Frank Field, as a father/son weather team.

PETER HARTLAUB is the pop culture critic at the San Francisco Chronicle and founder of this parenting blog, which admittedly sometimes has nothing to do with parenting. You can follow him on Twitter at www.twitter.com/peterhartlaub.