The Problem: Sad Women & Baby Daddies; The Answer: Sexual Stigmas?

In an article that came out yesterday, a columnist mused on a recent study (by two economists at the National Bureau of Economics Research–the most boring club in Cambridge, MA, except when Larry Summers shows up) that showed women to be unhappier than men across the board–rich or poor, black or white, punk or prep. Here’s what the study’s authors say:

“By many objective measures the lives of women in the United States have improved over the past 35 years, yet we show that measures of subjective well-being indicate that women’s happiness has declined both absolutely and relative to men. The paradox of women’s declining relative well-being is found across various datasets, measures of subjective well-being, and is pervasive across demographic groups and industrialized countries.”

In other words, things are better for women than they used to be, but their happiness is declining.

Why? The columnist offers some possible answers. But he ultimately lands on the fact that there are more and more single mothers out there, and that the single parenting gig is, if I may be a little faux-folksy here, a tough row to hoe. He writes that “the steady advance of single motherhood threatens the interests and happiness of women.” Now there’s an understatement.

What’s really interesting is what he says next. How to reduce single motherhood-ism? Public policy will only get you so far, he says. Instead, “some kind of social stigma is a necessity.” We used to have a stigma that ostracized the “fallen woman,” he notes, and that this kept a lid on what we have today. The problem, he rightly observes, was that it was unfair because it was one-sided and misogynistic: all the stigma was on women. What we need now, he says, is “a social revolution that ostracizes serial baby-daddies and trophy-wife collectors as thoroughly as the ‘fallen women’ of a more patriarchal age.” So, instead of unfairly making women feel bad for being single moms (and this stigma is still very real, I might add), we should create real social pressure on men who father these children–either outside marriage or those who father children within marriage, but then divorce their wives.

Is he right? Would this kind of social stigma work?

We talk a lot on this blog about God’s Law, and how we are unable to follow it. The key idea here (primarily from St. Paul’s writings in the New Testament) is that the Law actually produces rebellion. That’s why there are stereotypes of pastor’s kids being the biggest troublemakers (like Rev. Lovejoy’s daughter on The Simpsons). And that’s why in the Old Testament, Israel always rejected God’s prophets. But there do seem to be some very powerful social pressures that actually do compel people’s behavior, positively or negatively. (Think about: smoking, Crocs, high school, fur, anorexia, and Rush Limbaugh.) So would a social stigma against baby-daddies work? How would it affect men’s behavior?

Not that you don’t know my thoughts on this…! I can’t resist a forum to ask ourselves what the church is doing to embrace single mothers. We encourage single motherhood as an alternative to abortion, but rarely do we (the church) keep up that encouragement as the child grows beyond the first year. Single mothers, especially those who are single from the start of their motherhood, are shunned in churches (usually). We only see their sin. I’d love for the church to be a place where single mothers could be loved and upheld. If the church reached out to single mothers and became a family to them, wouldn’t this make a statement to the absent fathers? Might it change the way people view single moms? It seems to me that the moms are the ones who take the heat from society after a break up (or if they were never together). People seem to have pity on the dad. I also think more pressure should be put on dads- child support reform is way overdue.

I say expose them to the gospel and let the Holy Spirit do the rest.The world seeks only to destroy all.The flesh is weak and anything we do in response to please the world is foolish.Not my will but Thy will be done.

I know Mark Driscoll caught some flack around here for his machismo act (some of that flack was well-deserved, by the way), but his series on Ruth from about two years ago essentially told single men in his church to stop acting childish (“dicking around” was his phrase, I believe) so that God might potentially use them to marry and care for single moms. That may be the third use of the law, but it makes good sense in a certain respect if we’re talking about simultaneously reducing abortion and caring for single mothers.

Publications

About

WHAT: Mockingbird seeks to connect the Christian faith with the realities of everyday life in fresh and down-to-earth ways.

WHY: Are we called Mockingbird? The name was inspired by the mockingbird’s peculiar gift for mimicking the cries of other birds. In a similar way, we seek to repeat the message we have heard – God’s word of grace and forgiveness.

HOW: Via every medium available! At present this includes (but is not limited to) a daily weblog, weekly podcasts, a quarterly print magazine, semi-annual conferences, and an ongoing publications initiative.

WHO: At present, we employ four full-time staff, David Zahl, Ethan Richardson, Margaret Pope and CJ Green, and four part-time, Sarah Condon, Bryan Jarrell, Luke Roland and Marcy Hooker. They are helped and supported by a large number of contributing volunteers and writers. Our board of directors is chaired by The Rev. Aaron Zimmerman.

WHERE: Our offices are located at Christ Episcopal Church in Charlottesville, VA.

WHEN: Mockingbird was incorporated in June 2007 and is currently in its 11th year of operation.

Online Giving

The work of Mockingbird is made possible by the gifts of private donors and churches. Our fundraising burden for 2018 is roughly $360,000, and with virtually no overhead, your gifts translate directly into mission and ministry. Can you help? Please feel free to email us at info@mbird.com if you have any questions or would like more information.

As a convenience, we are set up to accept online donations via Paypal. This method will allow you to give with a credit card, in any amount you wish. Simply click on the button below and follow the instructions.