Introverts arise! You have nothing to lose but the stigma

Not so fast, says Sophia Dembling. Nothing in that paragraph is true. Dembling, who lives in Dallas, has written a book called "The Introvert's Way: Living a Quiet Life in a Noisy World" which, she says, tells the real - and happy - story of being an introvert. (She also has a blog on introversion at psychologytoday.com.) She'll be speaking at the Barnes and Noble in The Woodlands at 3 p.m. July 27.

Introverts may well be shy, she says, but so may extroverts. Both Sophie and I fall into another category: non-shy introverts. "Shyness can be overcome," she says, "but introversion appears to be inborn."

People like Sophie and me are just fine going to parties or interviewing people - she's also a journalist - but we need to go off by ourselves and recharge afterward. Extroverts get strength from being around people; introverts get strength from being alone. "It really has to do with where we draw our energy from," she says.

One of the biases Sophie's out to overcome is the good old American prejudice in favor of the backslapping, hale-fellow-well-met personality, so much so that many people falsely present themselves, even in testing, as extroverts. But the latest research reported by Dr. Laurie Helgoe (author of the book "Introvert Power") indicates introverts may be slightly in the majority in the population. They're just quiet about it. "What you see is the extroverts," says Sophie. They're the ones making all the noise.

Also, in testing of people's happiness levels, it's been shown that on scales of one to 10, extroverts tend to choose numbers near the extreme ends of the scale. I can hear them shouting: "Look at me! I'm so happy!" Introverts dwell in the realm of deep thinking and nuance; they're more likely to balance their choices. But they're not really less happy.

The common notion that introverts don't like people is utterly misguided, she says. We just don't need a whole lot of them. Having a few choice people, people with whom we can have high-quality conversations, is plenty. Introverts are good listeners and great friends.

Sophie has developed strategies for coping in a world that openly favors extroverts. "I've learned not to compete in an area where I may not succeed," she says. She no longer feels obligated to get cornered at a party by a talkative stranger. She monitors her body language so that she just looks quiet, not hostile. She prefers luncheons, where she can get to know a few people at a table, to cocktail parties, where one is obligated to circulate endlessly.

She also has figured out that introverts are good at Facebook, email - any medium that offers a measure of control. (We tend to be good writers.) We hate the insistent immediacy of the phone. "Not liking the phone is presented as a moral failing," she says. "What people have to understand is we dislike the medium, not the people on the other end."

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Lifestyle

Despite a societal bias against introverts, they can be awfully successful. Barack Obama, Julia Roberts, Bill Gates, Warren Buffett, Steve Martin and Kristen Stewart are just a few of the high-achieving quiet folk out there.

Can an introvert/extrovert couple work out? Sure, she says, as long as the parties involved talk openly about their differences and devise strategies for getting by. (Think taking separate cars to a party.) The extrovert partner has to recognize that the other partner isn't rejecting, and the introvert partner has to understand that the other partner isn't being super-needy.

Introvert/introvert couples risk getting a little too isolated because there's no one pulling them out into society.

Sophie intends to continue advocating for and getting the word out about the joys of introversion. "The more we understand, the less we will feel beaten down and doomed to misery."