Don’t listen to the tacky comics who passively accept verbal abuse and belittling in their relationships or the sitcom husband who does nothing but joke about the fact that he and his wife only have sex twice a year. If something doesn’t feel right to you, that’s probably because it isn’t. There are a lot of relationships pitfalls that people are quick to forgive, just because everyone else they know does. But brushing these problems under the rug can only build resentment and distance. Here are relationship issues you’re probably too quick to forgive.

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Failing to invest in your friends

Sure, they are your friends, and sure your partner only has so much free time to himself. But a partner who really cares about you wouldn’t make those points—he would invest time into getting to know your friends, because it matters to you, and he wouldn’t drag his feet about it.

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Failing to invest in your family

Your partner shouldn’t just show up to family dinner and silently put in face time. He shouldn’t look at time with your family as checking off some box. He should genuinely care about developing relationships with your family members.

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Swearing at you

Not only could you have a relationship void of cursing, but you should have a relationship void of it. Just because swearing is common in this world, doesn’t make it any less hateful. You and your partner shouldn’t be swearing at each other on a regular basis—if it happens once, that’s something to talk about.

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Yelling at you

Yelling, like swearing, may be common but it isn’t healthy or acceptable. If you and your partner yell at each other, your rage levels have risen too high.

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Purposefully embarrassing you

We all become angry at our partners sometimes, but if we have to be in public with them when we’re upset, we should be able to contain ourselves. If your partner purposefully embarrasses you when he’s upset with you, that is an entirely unloving act.

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Making a large, unplanned purchase

If you live together or share finances in any way, your partner should not make large purchases without consulting you. Even if he technically spends his own money, he could have combined that with your money one day to invest in something you both wanted.

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Attempting to make you jealous

It is never okay to try to make a partner jealous. Jealousy is an awful feeling, and you should never wish an awful feeling upon a partner. If your partner attempts to make you jealous, even once, you have a serious discussion to have.

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Giving up on keeping the magic alive

Don’t let it slide when your partner begins to treat date night like an annoyance. If he says things like, “We see each other all of the time, why do we need to plan a whole thing?” then he’s given up on the magic.

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Getting lazy about sex

Nobody is perfect in this department, but if it’s usually your partner who would rather go to sleep early or binge watch a show than have sex, you need to say something. Sex is an important part of feeling emotionally close, and if your partner gets lazy about it, he’s getting lazy about intimacy as a whole.

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Being too tired to listen

On a rare occasion, your partner may be going through a tough time and feel incapable of listening to your problems. But as a whole, your partner should always have the time and energy to listen to you, just like you listen to him.

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Sitting it out because it’s not his hobby

It shouldn’t matter if your partner isn’t interested in silent movies or archaeology—he should care about learning a little about these things since you care about them.

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Refusing to make up with your family

Unless your dad physically harmed or stole from your partner, the two of them should be able to make up. Even if you couldn’t stand your partner’s mother and she greatly insulted you, you would find a way to get along with her, for your partner’s sake. He should do the same for you.

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Asking you to be anyone other than who you are

Asking you to dress differently, to be less ambitious or more ambitious, to be quieter, to speak differently or be different is unforgivable. Your partner should just be with somebody else at that point.

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Accusing you of flirting

If your partner accuses you of flirting with somebody else when you weren’t, you need to have a talk about trust. Even if your partner claims to forgive you, he should never believe you would do that in the first place, let alone forgive it.

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Passive aggression

Even if you did something wrong, your partner shouldn’t respond to it by refusing to return your calls, leaving your clothes all over the floor, breaking belongings of yours “on accident” or anything like that. He should talk to you about it. Don’t excuse passive aggression just because your partner was upset.