Thursday, December 30, 2004

Yes, I know its 2 days early... dammit I don't care.I don't believe in New Year's Resolutions. Honestly, you make them, don't keep them and feel like a miserable failure for having no willpower. People, we're just setting ourselves up! I know its tradition, but remember that in Aztec culture it was also tradition to practice human sacrifice-- and my mother had a tradition of soundly whooping my ass once a week just in case I did something wrong and she didn't know about it. Just because its a tradition doesn't necessarily make it good.

So instead of Resolutions, I simply do this. I reflect on the the past year, the mistakes I made, the successes I've had. I take each each one as a lesson or a small victory and "resolve" to have more victories than lessons in the coming year. That way, there is no hard and fast expectation, and I end up knowing that I am wiser than I was one year ago.

Tuesday, December 28, 2004

In all actual fact, I am an only child. Once I asked my mother why she didn't want any more kids and she told me that when I was born, she and my father looked at me and said "This one's going to be expensive... maybe we should quit while we're ahead." You know what... they were wise beyond their years.

Therefore, I don't actually have any siblings, but I do have what we colored folk term as "play brothers, sisters and cousins." They are not blood relations in any way, but they are people whose families are very close to yours and you grew up with them, or they are people you feel a special kind of bond with in your adult life.

I dedicate this blog to my most recently acquired play brother- Darius* aka "The Pain in My Ass."

Since starting my job here, Darius has been particularly sweet to me... and sour at the same time. Not in that "i want to get in your pants" kind of way, but simply for the fact that something in me sparks something brotherly in him.

And boy, has he been brotherly. He has helped me out in my times of need or frustration, giving me that ever important male point of view on my man issues and helping me along when I get frustrated with my career, or rather, the company I work for. For these, I am grateful. On the flip side of the "brother" coin, he has taken a distinct pleasure in being royal pain in my ass. Everything from mocking my football team (the Philadelphia Eagles Rock Eternally!) to creating delirious hilarity referring to my background (he swears that Cornell is where they filmed the Blair Witch Project) to pointing out and belaboring my little behavioral quirks and endless shortcomings.

And although sometimes I would like to go upside his head with the BLACK side of my hand, I remember that its only out of love. Because for all the times he has made fun of me, he has also reminded me that he's got my back.

People like this just need to go away. They don't need to killed... just put them all togher on a deserted island and let them do away with each other. The rest of the world would be so much better. I liken them to gnats-- they have the prognosis of a short time on this planet so while they are here, they will annoy the living hell out of every one else. Prime example... the asshole I got into a fender bender with in September.Long story short, the weather was horrible, there was a huge Greyhound bus involved and all that came out of it was a little "love tap" that was admittedly my fault and resulted in 2 scratches on his front bumper with a COMBINED length of 5 inches. Below are the reasons he as a rod up his ass...

1. With him, chivalry is apparently DEAD

The day of the incident, it was late, raining very hard and very windy. After I backed into him I pulled out of traffic so that we could assess damage, exchange information, etc. When I got out of the car, my umbrella could not withstand the wind and it imploded. Did this fool offer to let me sit in my car or share his umbrella to shield me from the rain.... no. He was apparently too concerned with protecting his Brooks Brother's suit to care about the young woman who had just gotten her hair done and was wearing WHITE LINEN....

2. He insulted me... and every other hard working minority out there

When it came time to exchange insurance information, he didn't ask me like a normal person would. Rather, he said "Um... do you, you know, actually have insurance?" No, dumbass, I'm just going to drive my $25,000 car with the Missouri tags still on it (cuz I had just moved back into the area) around Southern New Jersey and Philadelphia without insurance because I like to live dangerously. Give me a fucking break.

3. He overreacted... and possibly LIED

This fool took the time to draft a typed letter in which he said he had obtained "legal counsel" and "signed statements from witnesses" over the incident. This raises 2 issues for me. First... WHAT WITNESSES? Its not like people were standing around outside watching this happen. It was raining like the flood and everyone around was either in a bus or in a car. Who the hell saw it happen? Did he actually know all of these people? Did he go around to each one and ask them to craft and sign a statement saying they saw this happen? And then, he did all of this for damage that came to the staggering amount of *gasp* $100. On a Honda Civic. Barring the fact that my car is worth about $10,000 more than his, if it were any normal human being, like myself for instance, it would have gone more like "Um, it comes to $100 just slide me a check and its over with."

4. "With these, he offended me"

Ok.... he gave me his business card and the first thing I noticed is that we work in the same building. Matter of fact, since the incident he has seen me on the elevator numerous times. All of this could have been solved much more quickly (and with less venom from me) if he would have taken the elevator down 2 floors to have a little chat with me. Likes to avoid confrontation I suppose. Also, he misspelled my name. After he had copied it directly from my insurance card. SHEESH! Admittedly, "Christina" is a hard name to spell... don't you think? Then he proceeds to insult my driving skills... calling my backing up "ill advised." Well, when there is a coach bus coming straight at you in the rain, please tell me what YOUR first instinct would be so I can learn from your perfect driving record. He assumes that by not telling my insurance, he's doing me a favor. Don't get me wrong, he is, but honestly, how much of a prick can you be? And finally, by "obtaining legal counsel" he makes the assumption that I'm not going to take responsibility for the incident. That's just plain offensive.

So what am I going to do you ask? Very simple. He will get his $100 check from me tomorrow.... with a verbal "bitch slap" of a letter enclosed. Why? Because he deserves every bit of my venom. Maybe then, he will reconsider messing with someone like me.

Also, he's a Republican. As such, he has many other sins to atone for as well...

Monday, December 27, 2004

Hmmm... at the prompting of a friend, I have decided to indulge my proclivity for getting on a soap box and telling the world exactly how messed up it is, why its messed up, who messed it up and what can be done to fix it. When I'm not doing that, I also write poetry, feed my addiction for clothing, shoes and fabulous accessories (woah, had a Carrie/Imelda Marcos moment there), and generally try to leave the universe in a better condition than it was when I woke up. Also, i'm sitting here at work while my entire team is on vacation BORED OUT OF MY MIND.
So get to know me if you like (if you dare?) and we'll take this journey together...