Don’t
ask me why, but I find it fascinating. That probably says something about my
intellectual capacity. Give me an ink blot test and I’ll see a botched tattoo.

It’s
official; I am holding back on my dream vacation to Alaska. All you have to do
is catch about 30 minutes of “Alaska State Troopers” to realize the entire
state is nothing but an episode of “Cops” dressed in earmuffs. I swear on a
stack of Sarah Palin election posters that if they are not driving drunk in
Alaska, they are driving stoned. If they are not illegally poaching moose, they
are snagging salmon. And, about 90 percent of the state seems to be armed.

Still,
I find the show both enthralling and disturbing at the same time. I’ll bet
nobody from the state’s tourism bureau gives it a thumbs up, though.

I
love “Pawn Stars,” too. It’s about a pawn shop in Vegas and revolves around the
owners and the intriguing people and items that walk through the door on a
daily basis. A phony Babe Ruth baseball card. A book allegedly signed by
Shoeless Joe Jackson. A sword from the War of 1812. There’s always some
knowledge interspersed with the haggling and that makes it even more
interesting.

“American
Pickers” follows the same theme, but rather than waiting for the items to come
walking through the door, a couple of guys from Iowa hop in their van and go
searching for antiquated items of value by driving around the country.
Sometimes they have appointments. Other times, they just pull into the driveway
of places that look interesting.

The
bottom line is, I’m watching too much television. I’m critiquing tattoos,
Alaskan arrests, and pinball machines from the 1940s.