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Lady Sexually Attracted To ‘Tetris’ Now Wants To Marry It

Photo: NES/Tetris

I’ve this once and I’ll say it again: as long as you’re not hurting anyone, go right ahead and do whatever the hell you want. But also expect folks to be completely baffled if it’s not something that’s quite common. That’s why people were scratching their heads when an Irish woman legally married a ghost. And the reason I bring this all up is because a 20-year-old woman named Noorul Mahjabeen Hassan, who prefers to be known as Fractal Tetris Huracan, is really into Tetris. Like, really into it.

Fractal, who was also previously super into a calculator named Pierre, spends up to 12 hours a day playing Tetris on websites, her phone and even her Gameboy.

“I’m in love with the game himself and the cartridge is a vessel of presenting him,” Fractal told Holly Willoughby and Phillip Schofield on This Morning. “Love is not something you can explain but it satisfies me and he’s just really beautiful I find him so attractive.” I’m pretty sure I find food attractive, so I get it.

Fractal – who identifies as an objectum sexual, meaning she’s attracted to physical objects rather than human beings – went on to explain why she loved the calculator, dubbed Pierre (named as such after she was inspired by the ‘Pi’ function). She said: “I thought that Pierre was beautiful and I loved the buttons on him and the trackpad is beautiful, I loved his function.”

It’s probably important to note she is studying mathematics at university… However, after Pierre broke, Fractal found solace in the arms of Tetris and has revealed she plans to marry the game. “The marriage aspect is purely ceremonial,” she said. “Obviously I cant literally marry an object, it would just be me having a ceremony with Tetris.” And she’s no jealous lover, either, saying it was perfectly fine for others to play the game, so long as there are boundaries.

Fractal also had this to add:

“I’m in love with the game as a whole but I don’t care if others play him. As long as no one else is trying to date him romantically or is more intimate than I am.”

And on the subject if Tetris were to suddenly stop working, Fractal said this:

“It’s kind of broken already. But if he broke I wouldn’t care as much because he’s a game/ I can get another one. I care about the game himself not the cartridge – it means a lot to me as a friend got it for me.”

Well, at least this gal seems a lot happier than people I know who are dating actual humans. It is normal to date a game? No. Nutty? Probably. Does she seem completely miserable like most folks? No.

And now let me make all of you uncomfortable by checking out the video below: