I posted the first chapter of the original Magma vs. Aqua about 6 months ago. Sadly, It disappeared with no replies, so I have decided to try again. Note: I used to joint-author this fic with my friend, nicoleb, but it was forgotten, so chapter 11+ are written completely by me.

Anyways, on to the fic.

In this fic, Mooshykris Maxie Firered, son of Maxie and Nicole Archie Waterblue, daughter of Archie, must join forces because one of their fathers has a plan of world domination.

In a race against time, Mooshykris and Nicole must work together to prevent disaster. With a war between Pokemon and one of the Hoenn teams brewing, they must hurry and solve the puzzle of the legendary Pokemon. Only by solving this puzzle, will they be able to stop darkness from spreading.

Who is the true evil? Maxie or Archie? Can Mooshykris and Nicole stop the darkness? Or will darkness come out triumphant? Find out in:

MAGMA vs. AQUA

RatedPG-13 to be safe.

Here is a short bios on main characters: (note: more will be added as the story progresses)

Name: Mooshykris (Chris)
Gender: Male
Age: 13
Personality: Loving, Understanding, Has a short temper
Notes: Mooshykris Maxie Firered is the son of Maxie.

Name: Maxie
Gender: Male
Age: 45
Personality: Loving, Understanding, Has a strange love for fire and dry land
Notes: Maxie is the leader of Team Magma

Contents:

Chapter 1: Nicky

--------------------------------------------------------------------------
And here is Chapter 1.

Chapter 1: Nicky

It was a dull and listless morning in the town of Newbark. A few people were hustling around, shopping, chatting, or simply walking.

A young girl by the name of Nicky was striding lazily toward the famous laboratory of Professor Elm. She was intending to retrieve her first Pokemon there, although she’d never asked.

Nicky, her full name was actually Nicole, but prepared to be called Nicky, was almost 14 years old. Her brown hair was styled in a very tomboyish fashion, and her eyes were a hazel color. She wore a black tee shirt with a brown jacket covering most of it. Her dark blue shorts barely came down to her knees, and her socks and shoes were white. Six empty Pokeballs hung tightly from a blackish brown Pokebelt around her waist.

A small sword was tied diagonally across her back and a blue backpack was strapped to her back behind the sword. A Pokegear was wrapped around her right arm, and a green "level scouter" coated her left eye. Pale, blue Goggles hung around her neck, and a Hoenn Pokedex stuck out of one of her two pockets.

To top it all off, this girl looked... Set. She was so sure that she was going to get her Pokemon, that she’d equipped herself with every single item necessary for a Pokemon Journey.

Nicky’s appearance made her look a little like a Poke-Freak. But, she was really much more than that. Nicky was the daughter of the powerful and malicious Team Aqua Leader, Archie. Nicky wasn’t really that fond of her father, but she didn’t think of him the way most people, especially Maxie, did.

Nicky thought of Archie as a parent who tried to make her do things she didn’t want to do. For a start, Nicky had no intention of flooding the land so that there was more water for humans and Pokemon on Earth. Archie was always telling Nicky that, if he died before he was able to for fill his goal, then she would have to take over Team Aqua and finish the job.

Archie had tried to teach his daughter about Water Pokemon and his battling methods, but Nicky had shown no interest what so ever. This caused the two of them to fight with one and other a lot, and, eventually, Nicky had run away from home to start her own Pokemon journey.

She’d hurriedly jumped on the nearest boat and had arrived in Goldenrod City a few weeks ago. Now, she was in Newbark Town, the home of Professor Elm...

Before long, the young girl reached a big, brick building. The laboratory of Professor Elm...

Without knocking, Nicky opened the big door of the lab and walked in.

“Hey, you!” she snapped at a middle-aged man with pale, brown her and a white suit.

It was Professor Elm, who immediately turned to see her.

“Yes?” he asked, polite, and curious about her outfit and gadgets.

“I want one of those Pokemon!” Nicky said rudely. She pointed to the table of Pokeballs containing Pokemon near the end of the room, just behind Professor Elm.

The professor quickly stepped in front of the Pokeballs and glared at her.

“Well,” he said, “not just ANYONE can have one of these Pokemon, first, you must be tested! Mark!”

He directed this last sentence at his aid, Mark, who walked over and stood next to Nicky.

He was dressed just like his boss was, and his hair was black.

“If you can beat a Pokemon in the wild,” Professor Elm told her, “then you may have one of these Pokemon.”

He handed Nicky a Pokeball.

“It has a Hoothoot inside,” he explained, “use it to fight against a wild Pokemon. If you defeat it, then you are free to pick out any Pokemon you like.”

Nicky smiled and took the Pokeball from him.

“Thank you…” she said. She then turned to Mark, “come on,” she said, “there are wild Pokemon just West of Newbark Town.”

The two of them walked out of the lab and out onto Route 29. Nicky strode into the tall grass and began to walk around for a bit. Before long, a wild Rattata jumped out at her.

“Come out, Hoothoot!” Nicky shouted, tossing the Pokeball up into the air.

The Pokeball opened to reveal a small, owl-like Pokemon who always stood on one leg.

The purple, rat-like Pokemon gritted its sharp fangs, ready for the fight.

“Hoothoot!” Nicky said in a loud and strong voice, “use Peck!”

Hoothoot jumped up into the air and pecked the Rattata on the side. The angry Rattata retaliated by biting Hoothoot on the right wing.

“My father is a very remarkable Pokemon Trainer,” Nicky replied truthfully. She tucked her new Rattata’s Pokeball onto her Pokebelt and handed Hoothoot’s Pokeball to Mark. “I often get a lot of experience watching him...”

Nicky decided not to add who her father was, but Mark wasn’t interested in that part. His face turned from amazed to stern.

“Experienced or not,” he said, “The way you battled was far too harsh! You act as if your Pokemon was a tool of war!”

Nicky smiled smugly, and shrugged.

“It doesn’t really matter what I think of Pokemon...” she said, “the deal was, if I could beat a wild Pokemon, then that mad scientist would give me one of his Pokemon.”

“Okay, one,” Mark said, beginning a lecture, “it DOES matter how you battle. Because a bad trainer has no right treating Pokemon the way you do! Two, Professor Elm is NOT a “mad scientist”! And, three, you already have a Pokemon! You just captured a Rattata! You don’t need another Pokemon, you can use that one to capture other wild Pokemon!”

“I WILL get one of those Pokemon,” Nicky replied, “I don’t care if I have your permission or not!”

She stomped off to a small group of trees to sulk, while Mark sighed and walked back to Professor Elm’s lab...

Meanwhile, in the far-off base of Team Magma, a man with long, red hair and dark eyes was talking to his son, Moosykris, Maxie, Firered... Who most people called "Chris"...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
And that is Chapter 1. I hope you like it. Please R&R.

If I get some good replies, I'll post chapter 2. (I have already finished 1-13)

+-=Chris-The-Scout=-+

Typhlogirl

25th September 2005, 2:49 AM

Hmm...not bad, not bad.

An interesting start. I have a certain weakness for Aqua and Magma fics. I like the sound of this one.

Well, your first chapter sparked my interest. True, it wasn't the best starting chapter I've ever read, but it was quite good all the same.
This fic has potential, its good you've got chapters prepared for posting. You did good background info on Nicole.

Just make sure your fic has direction and an interesting plot, otherwise it will turn into another Sue-ish Trainer Fic. And that's reader turn-off number one.

All in all, thumbs up. I like it so far.

-;157;

Chris-The-Scout

25th September 2005, 2:53 AM

Hmm...not bad, not bad.

An interesting start. I have a certain weakness for Aqua and Magma fics. I like the sound of this one.

Well, your first chapter sparked my interest. True, it wasn't the best starting chapter I've ever read, but it was quite good all the same.
This fic has potential, its good you've got chapters prepared for posting. You did good background info on Nicole.

Just make sure your fic has direction and an interesting plot, otherwise it will turn into another Sue-ish Trainer Fic. And that's reader turn-off number one.

All in all, thumbs up. I like it so far.

-;157;

It's going somewhere. Actully, nicoleb both came up with the Idea of this fic and write chapter 1.

I'll post chapter 2 soon.

-=-Chris-=-

Chris-The-Scout

25th September 2005, 7:59 AM

I guess I'll post chapter 2.

(WARNING: This chapter might not be as good, I wrote it)
--------------------------------------------------------------

Chapter 2: Chris

Chris was a boy not 6 months older than 13. He had dark brown hair that was about as long as Maxie’s and he had dark blue eyes. Chris wore a long black shirt with the Team Magma symbol on it. He also wore red shorts and black leather boots, both of which had the magma symbol on them.

On his belt were three full and three empty Pokeballs along with a Pokenav, all of which bore the magma symbol. Finally he had a Team Magma backpack of his back.

“Chris have you heard from Groudon recently?” Maxie asked.

“Yes, I heard him this morning,” Chris replied.

“What did he say?” Maxie questioned.

“He said that the Legendaries’ prophecy of the great war of Pokemon is coming true,”

“I see…” Maxie then said.

“Maxie! Maxie!” a voice suddenly yelled.

Then a man in Team Magma uniform came running into the room. He looked like he had just run a marathon.

“Maxie, there is trouble,” the man said.

“What kind of trouble?” Maxie asked.

“Archie’s got us surrounded!” the man replied.

“I’ll stop them!” Maxie said quickly. “Chris you stay here.”

Maxie and the man then ran out of the room slamming the door behind them.

“Huh, here we go again,” Chris, sighed.

“Well at least I have my Pokemon to keep me company,” He thought to himself as he threw two of the Pokeballs.

A Blaziken and a Typhlosion came out.

“Typhlosion, Ty,” the Typhlosion said.

“Blaziken,” the Blaziken agreed.

“Yes I know you guys are hungry,” Chris told them while getting a box of Poke’ Chow.

After feeding his Pokemon Chris sat down and took a Gameboy Advance out of his backpack. After playing on the game for a while Chris was beginning to get board.

“I wonder dad is,” Chris said to himself.

Just then he heard a scream. Responding to the scream Chris picked up his Gameboy, put into his pack and ran out of the Magma hideout, his Pokemon followed. What he saw outside was shocking. Team Aqua had captured his dad Maxie!

Okay I'm calm. Yeah, it would be AWESOME if Chris and Nicky fell in love...can you imagine the wedding? AHAHAHAH!!!

Weelll, awaiting more!

-;157;

Chris-The-Scout

25th September 2005, 10:50 PM

I like Chris.

YOU BETTER LIKE CHRIS! I'M CHRIS! Just kidding ^_~.

But Chris really is based off of me.

;044; Yup!

What are you doing here, Gloomy?

;044; To say that I am the Gloomy from the fic.

Well, he's right, I really have a pokemon named Gloomy in my Yellow.

Anyways,

Chapter 3 will be up soon.

EDIT: Oh, for the second time: If you read it, please review it!! I will stop if no one reviews.

Chris-The-Scout

26th September 2005, 11:33 PM

Why isn't anyone replying?!! I see the number of views increase, but no increase in replies!

I will post 2 more chapters. If I don't get an Increase in replies, I will quit!!

Anyways, here is the next chapter.

Chapter 3: Magma’s Anger

It was about nighttime in Newbark Town, and the lab was beginning to grow darker in the poor light. There weren’t as much people around, either. Which was just the way Nicky liked it. She was crouching just under the side window of Professor Elm’s lab, waiting for the stupid man to go to bed. She smirked, thinking what satisfaction she would get out of robbing the people who had broken their promise to her.

“I don’t treat Pokemon with care and respect,” Nicky muttered in disgust, “so what? Father never cared about me, just his stupid team! Why should Pokemon have a better life than I did?”

Nicky looked through the window, Professor Elm was still on his computer, with Mark leaning over him. It was 9:00-PM, for god sake! They could be on ‘till past midnight for all Nicky knew.

She suddenly had a thought. Her hand went to the single filled Pokeball on her Pokebelt. She could use the Rattata she’d caught earlier to distract the two morons!

Nicky calmly released the rat-like Pokemon, who jumped out of its ball and smiled at its new trainer.

“Rattata,” Nicky said, “go over to the front door-” she pointed at the front door of the lab, “-and make some loud noises. Then, whilst you’re doing that, I shall sneak into the lab through this window and take a Pokemon worth having.”

Rattata looked hurt at this, but it got up, walked over to the front door, and started to shriek and yell loudly.

Nicky smiled, maybe this weak thing could be of use to her after all.

She heard the two professors exclaim in surprise over the noise, and she then saw them appear outside, looking at Rattata.

Nicky quickly pulled open the window, crawled through, and snuck over to the table of Pokeballs she’d noticed earlier. There were three Pokeballs on them, and, though Nicky knew she only had a few moments to choose, she wanted to make a good choice.

The first Pokeball had a Water symbol on it, which obviously meant that it was a Water type. Nicky didn’t really want a starter, which was the same as her father’s most cherished type.

The next Pokeball had a Fire symbol on it. Nicky grinned, thinking how horrified Archie would be if she chose Maxie’s favorite type. Still... If Nicky chose a Fire type and her father found her, she would be screwed.

Nicky moved to look at the final Pokeball, which had a Grass symbol on it. A Grass type was a good choice, Nicky decided, if she had a Grass Type, she could defend herself against Team Aqua if they found her.

Nicky grabbed the Grass symbol Pokeball and slid back out of the window.

Once outside, Nicky looked at her Rattata, who was still moving around and looking stupid. Nicky thought of just leaving it, but then she realized that it was a good distracter, thus useful for her.

Nicky stepped out from her hiding place, and smiled at the two bewildered men.

“Sorry,” she said, putting on a fake smile. She recalled her Rattata to its Pokeball, and continued; “we were playing, and Rattata ran off.”

Mark frowned.

“I thought you didn’t want that Rattata,” he said.

Nicky laughed stupidly, and began to walk away toward Route 29.

“I won’t be seeing you,” Nicky said over her shoulder, “maybe, in a few years, you should check the Pokemon League News, and I’ll probably be the Champion...”

He and Mark looked at each other in shock, then looked back at Nicky, or rather, looked back at the space where Nicky had been just a few seconds before. She was now running at terrific speed, toward Route 29.

“Hey!” Professor Elm yelled after her, “come back here right now!”

But the young girl had no interest in the wishes of Professor Elm, and, before long, she was just a speck in the distance.

The two professors looked at each other in horror.

“Hurry!” Professor Elm screamed, “we’ll have to get back into the lab and ring the police before she gets too far away!”

Mark tried to open the door, and found that it was locked.

“It’s locked!” he yelled, pulling on the doorknob as hard as he could.

“We’ll have to go through the window!” Professor Elm replied, running toward the window that Nicky had used.

“Go on,” Mark said to his boss.

“Huh? By "we", I meant, "you", Mark!” Professor Elm snapped.

“I can’t go in there!” Mark protested.

“Yes you can!” Professor Elm insisted.

“No, I can’t!” argued Mark.

Meanwhile, Nicky was making great progress away from the lab. She knew that the professors would call the police, but she also knew, that they were stupid enough to take ages on the matter.

“That town really needs new professors,” Nicky muttered to herself. She stopped exhausted.

“Nicole!” yelled a furious and triumphant voice from behind her. It sounded like a p*ssed off Grunt...

Nicky turned to see not Team Aqua Grunts as she’d been expecting, but Team Magma Grunts instead! There were three of them, and they all looked extremely p*ssed. They were standing beside a small Magma symbol helicopter, which had its engine still going.

“Nicole,” continued the grunt that had spoken, “your father hijacked our leader!”

“Y, you mean, Maxie?” Nicky stammered.

The fact that she had TWO Pokemon with her, one Grass and one Normal, both about very weak, while the Team Magma grunts had full Pokebelts of Fire Pokemon, most likely strong ones, and that she was still puffed from running, burnt in her mind.

“I’m afraid you’re not going anywhere,” replied the first Magma Grunt smoothly, “see, no matter what you’re doing now, I’m sure your father will be very dismayed to learn, that we are looking after you...”

The third Magma Grunt was not as smooth as the first two. He lost his temper and grabbed Nicky’s other shoulder.

“Would your father be willing to trade YOU for OUR leader?!” he demanded.

“No,” Nicky replied, “father cares for his team more than me, and, if you are speaking the truth, I don’t think he’d trade Maxie for anyone... Not even his own daughter, so you’re wasting your time...”

“Sure we are!” said the third Magma Grunt sarcastically, “sure you’re not just saying that to get out of trouble!”

“Get in the helicopter, Nicole,” the first Magma Grunt said, tightening his grip on her shoulder.

“Fine...” Nicky sighed in a defeated voice.

She climbed into the helicopter beside the third Magma Grunt who had climbed in before her.

The second Magma Grunt climbed in on her other side, and the first got into the driver’s seat.

The remote control door closed and the helicopter began to lift off the ground.

“You didn’t put up much of a fight, Nicole,” laughed the first Magma Grunt, leaning back to sneer at her.

“Where are we going?!” Nicky demanded, ignoring the insult.

“Oh, if we told you, that would ruin the surprise,” laughed the second Magma Grunt.

------------------------------------------------------------------------
And that was Chapter 2. Things are beginning to heat up. (Note: Any bad language was written by nicoleb)

As always, please R&R.

I hope you liked it.

-=-Chris-=-

chary888

28th September 2005, 12:06 AM

I posted the first chapter of the original Magma vs. Aqua about 6 months ago. Sadly, It disappeared with no replies, so I have decided to try again. Note: I used to joint-author this fic with my friend, nicoleb, but it was forgotten, so chapter 11+ are written completely by me.

Anyways, on to the fic.

In this fic, Mooshykris Maxie Firered, son of Maxie and Nicole Archie Waterblue, daughter of Archie, must join forces because one of their fathers has a plan of world domination.

In a race against time, Mooshykris and Nicole must work together to prevent disaster. With a war between Pokemon and one of the Hoenn teams brewing, they must hurry and solve the puzzle of the legendary Pokemon. Only by solving this puzzle, will they be able to stop darkness from spreading.

Who is the true evil? Maxie or Archie? Can Mooshykris and Nicole stop the darkness? Or will darkness come out triumphant? Find out in:

MAGMA vs. AQUA
RatedPG-13 to be safe.

Here is a short bios on main characters: (note: more will be added as the story progresses)

Name: Mooshykris (Chris)
Gender: Male
Age: 13
Personality: Loving, Understanding, Has a short temper
Notes: Mooshykris Maxie Firered is the son of Maxie.

Name: Maxie
Gender: Male
Age: 45
Personality: Loving, Understanding, Has a strange love for fire and dry land
Notes: Maxie is the leader of Team Magma

Contents:

Chapter 1: Nicky

--------------------------------------------------------------------------
And here is Chapter 1.

Chapter 1: Nicky

It was a dull and listless morning in the town of Newbark. A few people were hustling around, shopping, chatting, or simply walking.

A young girl by the name of Nicky was striding lazily toward the famous laboratory of Professor Elm. She was intending to retrieve her first Pokemon there, although she’d never asked.

Nicky, her full name was actually Nicole, but prepared to be called Nicky, was almost 14 years old. Her brown hair was styled in a very tomboyish fashion, and her eyes were a hazel color. She wore a black tee shirt with a brown jacket covering most of it. Her dark blue shorts barely came down to her knees, and her socks and shoes were white. Six empty Pokeballs hung tightly from a blackish brown Pokebelt around her waist.

A small sword was tied diagonally across her back and a blue backpack was strapped to her back behind the sword. A Pokegear was wrapped around her right arm, and a green "level scouter" coated her left eye. Pale, blue Goggles hung around her neck, and a Hoenn Pokedex stuck out of one of her two pockets.

To top it all off, this girl looked... Set. She was so sure that she was going to get her Pokemon, that she’d equipped herself with every single item necessary for a Pokemon Journey.

Nicky’s appearance made her look a little like a Poke-Freak. But, she was really much more than that. Nicky was the daughter of the powerful and malicious Team Aqua Leader, Archie. Nicky wasn’t really that fond of her father, but she didn’t think of him the way most people, especially Maxie, did.

Nicky thought of Archie as a parent who tried to make her do things she didn’t want to do. For a start, Nicky had no intention of flooding the land so that there was more water for humans and Pokemon on Earth. Archie was always telling Nicky that, if he died before he was able to for fill his goal, then she would have to take over Team Aqua and finish the job.

Archie had tried to teach his daughter about Water Pokemon and his battling methods, but Nicky had shown no interest what so ever. This caused the two of them to fight with one and other a lot, and, eventually, Nicky had run away from home to start her own Pokemon journey.

She’d hurriedly jumped on the nearest boat and had arrived in Goldenrod City a few weeks ago. Now, she was in Newbark Town, the home of Professor Elm...

Before long, the young girl reached a big, brick building. The laboratory of Professor Elm...

Without knocking, Nicky opened the big door of the lab and walked in.

“Hey, you!” she snapped at a middle-aged man with pale, brown her and a white suit.

It was Professor Elm, who immediately turned to see her.

“Yes?” he asked, polite, and curious about her outfit and gadgets.

“I want one of those Pokemon!” Nicky said rudely. She pointed to the table of Pokeballs containing Pokemon near the end of the room, just behind Professor Elm.

The professor quickly stepped in front of the Pokeballs and glared at her.

“Well,” he said, “not just ANYONE can have one of these Pokemon, first, you must be tested! Mark!”

He directed this last sentence at his aid, Mark, who walked over and stood next to Nicky.

He was dressed just like his boss was, and his hair was black.

“If you can beat a Pokemon in the wild,” Professor Elm told her, “then you may have one of these Pokemon.”

He handed Nicky a Pokeball.

“It has a Hoothoot inside,” he explained, “use it to fight against a wild Pokemon. If you defeat it, then you are free to pick out any Pokemon you like.”

Nicky smiled and took the Pokeball from him.

“Thank you…” she said. She then turned to Mark, “come on,” she said, “there are wild Pokemon just West of Newbark Town.”

The two of them walked out of the lab and out onto Route 29. Nicky strode into the tall grass and began to walk around for a bit. Before long, a wild Rattata jumped out at her.

“Come out, Hoothoot!” Nicky shouted, tossing the Pokeball up into the air.

The Pokeball opened to reveal a small, owl-like Pokemon who always stood on one leg.

The purple, rat-like Pokemon gritted its sharp fangs, ready for the fight.

“Hoothoot!” Nicky said in a loud and strong voice, “use Peck!”

Hoothoot jumped up into the air and pecked the Rattata on the side. The angry Rattata retaliated by biting Hoothoot on the right wing.

“My father is a very remarkable Pokemon Trainer,” Nicky replied truthfully. She tucked her new Rattata’s Pokeball onto her Pokebelt and handed Hoothoot’s Pokeball to Mark. “I often get a lot of experience watching him...”

Nicky decided not to add who her father was, but Mark wasn’t interested in that part. His face turned from amazed to stern.

“Experienced or not,” he said, “The way you battled was far too harsh! You act as if your Pokemon was a tool of war!”

Nicky smiled smugly, and shrugged.

“It doesn’t really matter what I think of Pokemon...” she said, “the deal was, if I could beat a wild Pokemon, then that mad scientist would give me one of his Pokemon.”

“Okay, one,” Mark said, beginning a lecture, “it DOES matter how you battle. Because a bad trainer has no right treating Pokemon the way you do! Two, Professor Elm is NOT a “mad scientist”! And, three, you already have a Pokemon! You just captured a Rattata! You don’t need another Pokemon, you can use that one to capture other wild Pokemon!”

“I WILL get one of those Pokemon,” Nicky replied, “I don’t care if I have your permission or not!”

She stomped off to a small group of trees to sulk, while Mark sighed and walked back to Professor Elm’s lab...

Meanwhile, in the far-off base of Team Magma, a man with long, red hair and dark eyes was talking to his son, Moosykris, Maxie, Firered... Who most people called "Chris"...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
And that is Chapter 1. I hope you like it. Please R&R.

If I get some good replies, I'll post chapter 2. (I have already finished 1-13)

+-=Chris-The-Scout=-+

It was ok but do not use enter after evreyline and work on spaces a bit more. '_'

Typhlogirl

28th September 2005, 9:06 AM

Soz, I've been real busy!

I don't have much time, but I really liked the last chapter, keep this up okay bye!

-;157;

Chris-The-Scout

9th October 2005, 5:04 AM

Ok, here is Chapter 4. It is mainly a conversation between Chris and Groudon.

Anyways, the chapter:

Chapter 4: Groudon

Meanwhile, Chris was packing for a journey to find Groudon and save his father.

“It’s all my fault,” Chris sighed. “I should have followed him.”

“It’s not your fault,” a deep voice called.

Chris turned to look at his table which had the item known as the Red Orb sitting on it. The Red Orb then began to glow a bright gold color.

“Groudon, is that you?” Chris asked.

“Of course it is,” the voice answered.

“What do you mean it’s not my fault?” Chris continued to ask.

“I mean that you couldn’t of stopped Aqua from capturing you father,” Groudon’s voice replied.

“If I followed him I could’ve stopped Aqua,” Chris said.

“Do you think you putting yourself in danger would be his wish?” Groudon’s voice questioned.

“No, I guess not,” Chris answered. “But if I followed him, I wouldn’t be in this situation.”

“No Chris, you could be very well be in a worse condition if you followed him,” Groudon’s voice told the sad teenager.

“I never knew that my dad would do that for me!” Chris said quite surprised.

“Yes he loved you more than anyone!” Groudon exclaimed.

Chris was very excited. He almost cried with happiness.

“Now I will set out to find him!” Chris exclaimed while walking toward the door out of his room.

“No you can’t leave,” Groudon said which made Chris stop in his tracks.

“Why not?” Chris demanded thinking Groudon was hiding something.

“Because if you leave you would be changing destiny,” Groudon answered.

“What do you mean,” asked Chris.

“Oh, well, I suppose I should tell you,” Groudon sighed.

(Groudon’s story begins) A long time ago, during time known as the reign of the legendaries. Pokemon and Humans lived at peace with each other. During this time there were uncountable numbers of us legendary Pokemon. Until one day. A man with an evil heart and the wish to rule the Earth appeared and began to use us. He forced us to do his bidding. We had to destroy villages, attack people and even change the face of the planet. Those legendaries who refused were murdered. That’s why only a few of us remain. There is one side of the legend of the fight between Kyroge and me that no one besides us legendaries knows. This man to forced me to attack her. Poor Kyroge, she had no choice but to defend herself. Eventually the world was in ruins and we believed that all hope was lost. Then another man and his son appeared. This man and his son cared about Pokemon and helped us to defeat the madman and restore peace to the world. (story ends)

“So how does this tie into my life?” Chris asked.

“Well, we legendaries sense that Archie is the descendant of the villain of long ago and that you are the descendant of the hero,” Groudon replied. “History is about to repeat itself.”

“So I’m a hero?!” Chris asked excitedly.

“Yes you are,” Groudon answered. “Will you except this challenge?”

“Yes I will,” replied Chris.

“Well get some sleep and I will tell you more tomorrow,” Groudon said before the Red Orb stopped glowing.

Great chapters, but what you need more detail. If you find it's looking more like a script on paper than a novel, then its because you haven't described as much as you could have. How exactly does Chris feel about being the descendant of a hero? As well, I'm sure a lot of people would flip out or think they were going insane if they heard a voice in their head, much less the voice of a legendary Pokemon.

Flame Man

9th October 2005, 10:58 PM

I LOVE THIS FIC!!! I love the way you described everybody. Maybe the groudon/kyogre battle will insue again. I have a weakness for any magma fic.

Pls dont stop the fic!!! That would be a travesty!!!

Overall, I would rate this a 9/10

Yes, short review.

xXSaberXx

10th October 2005, 1:07 AM

LOL! Groudon talking with CHRIS! >DDDDDD

Very good chapter so far. Your characters are getting deeper! That's a very, VERY good thing. The plot is also getting stickier. :3

All in all, good job so far. You might want to put a TAD bit more description into your......openeing paragraphs and battles. Just a smidgen of advice.

GOOD JOB!

Saber.

dyo

7th November 2005, 9:13 PM

Yay,love your story a lot!!So I like your charas too...Anyway,I can't give any constructive critic as I'm not too experimented with Fanfics,at least not enought for be able to recomend you something for make yours even better...Ah,well,but I like Chris to be as every child of his age would be,you didn't make him serious or with a dark past,or anything people use to do for make their charas interesting and anyway I think it is....Too good from your part!;D
Bye!!;282;

Magma Leader Maxie

7th November 2005, 10:19 PM

The story up to now is of good quality-I really enjoyed reading it and sincerely hope you post more! Please don't be put off by the lack of replies; many people really appreciate your work (including me!). I love the way you run two parallel events through it would be preferable if it was longer: I can't get enough! Very well done indeed!