Tuesday, September 3, 2013

“Here’s to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The
trouble-makers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things
differently…they change things. They push the human race forward. And while
some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius.” – Steve Jobs

I recently saw “Jobs” the movie starring Ashton Kutcher
outlining Steve Jobs’ rise in the technology industry. I had this strange PULL
to see it, but because of the reviews and ratings, not very many people wanted
to see it with me. I actually ended up with the ticket because Alamo Drafthouse
was sold out of The Butler (another movie that I want to see!). I was strangely
excited that it worked out the way it did, so that I could see this movie.

Throughout the entire film, I was having trouble keeping it
together. From the beginning, where they show Steve Jobs unveiling the IPod in
2001, to the time he gets funding for his “garage company,” to the time when he
is forced out of apple, to the famous quote above. Each milestone, obstacle and
failure spoke to me on a level that I am still reeling to understand. It should
be noted, that Steve Jobs did not go about everything perfectly. He isn’t a
God. He had human struggles, made human mistakes (sometimes HUGE ones), and was
an “asshole” by many accounts. He did things in a way he saw right and
sometimes, often lost perspective on other things. He was a human, just like
the rest of us.

But I couldn’t help but think, even through the trials and
tribulations, his life turned out in a way that it was supposed to. Not
perfect, but GREAT. He was alive during the time and made opportunities for
himself in the age of the development of information technology. He saw things
that others didn’t. He built things that we continue to use now.

While I am no engineer, and it’s hard to see the correlate
I’m about to make, I FEEL that there is that in me. I can be GREAT. I don’t
come up with innovative technology, but I see things differently in my own part
of the world. I have had interests that are beyond my next paycheck. I’ve
struggled working in a structured corporate environment. I want to focus on my
random whims and ideas sometimes. I’m using myself as an example, but I feel
that many of us can be GREAT. We can make an impact. We just have to figure out
what it is meant to be and how to get there.

The quote above refers to MANY people. Who among us isn’t
crazy? Who among us has never felt like a mistfit? Have you ever rebelled or
caused SOME sort of trouble? When have you not felt like you fit in? I think
harnessing that different perspective that YOU have can make YOU great. People
see me as crazy all the time. The phrase I hear over and over is “Oh, Belinda”
no matter what I’m talking about or doing. Not always, but sometimes, I hit a
stroke of genius that surprises even me. Typically that’s because I focused on
something that someone else thought was dumb or crazy.

I’m challenging
myself to find out what exactly I can do to “make a dent in the universe” and I
challenge y’all to do the same. It doesn’t have to be on the level of Steve
Jobs, it doesn’t have to make you famous, it just has to have an impact.

Friday, August 9, 2013

So I haven’t made an entry in a while, mostly because I
really like to keep these positive and life isn’t going very positively for me
right now. I like to offer advice on how to get through things, so I was
waiting to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but so far, no dice. I know
it’s cliché, but for me, when it rains, it seriously pours, like DELUGE style.
I felt that even in light of this being kind of a heavy/downer post, I thought
that maybe some of you can relate to some of the issues or are just feeling
overwhelmed in life in general.

That is how I’ve been feeling in general: OVERWHELMED.
Overwhelmed with change, overwhelmed with relationships, overwhelmed in tasks
and overwhelmed with emotions, etc. And even though I’m feeling like I’m in
over my head in almost every aspect of my life, I keep trying to push through
it and remain the stalwart, strong person that I aspire to be. Most of the
time, looking for what’s next, keeping a positive attitude and pushing through
the tough stuff works just fine for me. Not this time though. It doesn’t seem
to matter how much I try to make my situation better or keep a good outlook, I
still have that same feeling of drowning.

And I know we’ve all be there. At that point, where another
transgression results in a meltdown; a large transgression or a small one. It
doesn’t matter. It’s just one more thing to deal with and that causes the
break. I had that happen recently, where one thing was just the last straw of
months and months of carrying more than I could lift on my shoulders, of having
to deal with massive changes that I had no control over and questioning
everything and everyone In my life.

I’m not writing this entry for sympathy, pity or even advice.
I’m writing this entry because I think it’s important that people know what I figured
out mid-meltdown. Even though I felt VERY alone and even though I was mortified
that I couldn’t maintain my strength any longer, I knew I wasn’t alone. Unfortunately,
I had a few witnesses to my succumbing to pressure as I made my exit to deal
with this alone. I mean, they are my problems, right? No one needs to know
about them, much less actually care or help me. That’s how I felt. Everyone has
problems and mine have no more weight than theirs.

I actually felt an
immense amount of guilt even being that upset about my issues. I mean, I could
have worse issues like living in hunger or feeling unsafe. Why am I so upset
about a few changes and that feeling of being overwhelmed if other people can
deal with much, much more horrible things?

Mid-meltdown, I realized that I should have reached out
sooner for help. But the problem was and is, is that I never know how much I
really need help until I try to reach out or a meltdown occurs. I felt that
even though I’m in this “funk,” that it will pass, no one needs to bother with
me or lend an ear or a shoulder. I can handle it, until I couldn’t. I had so
much showing of support from so many people that I felt I could never ask in a
million years to hug me while I cried, to talk me through everything that had
been going awry, sit with me at my favorite restaurant so that I didn’t have to
be alone, or even just send encouraging thoughts and words or even just
checking on me via text message. THAT made all the difference.

Even though my problems and issues are still there, I don’t
feel like I’m drowning any more. The feeling of pressure is still there,but it does

n’t seem nearly as insurmountable.
So even though this post isn’t my typical positive style, I wanted to offer
those who are in similar situations a challenge. FIND someone to confide in.
FIND someone who will be your person. I have more than one person, but there is
that go to person I NEED to talk things through and it always results in better
things to come. And as they say “this too shall pass.”

Tuesday, July 9, 2013

I have been sitting on this entry for quite a while thinking
on what the best way to present my thoughts would be. I have to thank Netflix
and Dustin Hoffman for giving me the springboard I needed to tackle this issue.
Though life can be MUCH worse, I think that people underestimate the difference
life is if you are born as a minority in any way. While I think MAJOR obstacles
and deliberate pushes in the right direction have been taken, it is difficult
and it is difficult to understand if you are in the majority.

I’m in the minority of being a woman (and that isn’t even by
numbers, probably, but in terms of historical power, etc.), but I’m in a racial
majority in the United States as a white woman. I think that puts me and others
like me in a unique position. I’ve found that I enhance the parts that I
experience as a minority a little more than those I don’t experience. I think
that’s simply the reason, is that I DON’T experience them. In the words of
Dustin Hoffman in the video below, I do NOT know or understand how my life
would be different if I was a racial or sexual orientation minority. I don’t
know if I would be in the same place. I’d like to think so, but after
experiencing some of the most ridiculous things for simply being a woman, I
would assume that other types of minorities experience them too. And Hoffman’s realization is what I would
probably come to given being actually put in that position.

Netflix helped me come to this topic as I was SO excited to
see the older Disney animated movies starting to make an appearance. Though my
favorite is Little Mermaid, my second favorite, Mulan has been added to instant
streaming. I settled in for a nice lazy afternoon watching, but I ended up
becoming more emotional than I expected and it was kind of surprising. At the
end of the movie, when Mulan is trying to warn the city and its occupants of an
impending attack, she says to her former friends and militia group (not sure of
the correct term), You said you’d trust Ping (her male, warrior alter ego) with
your life, why is Mulan any different?” That bothered the HECK out of me! That
one line explains how I feel in a lot of different situations at work, out and
about, over the phone, etc. Why is it that I get asked to get things off
copiers or my other female counterparts asked if they are administrative
assistants and the male employees don’t experience that? Why is it that I have
to drag my boyfriend, male boss or a male friend to an automotive shop so that
I won’t get taken advantage of? Why do I have to change the way I act and dress
because I’d be inviting violent behavior from men (this is based upon SEVERAL
news stories of rape and sexual assault that erupted in victim blaming)? Yeah,
WHY?

I think if we all asked what Dustin Hoffman asked in this
video, we’d be WAY more understanding of others’ plights. I think we’d be able
to see issues that may not be as obvious and make issues that EVERYONE
experiences more obvious. I think
sometimes it’s easy to blame something out of your control, i.e. being a woman,
on failures or shortcomings that are within your control. Having other
individuals who can see a different perspective and who are trying to see yours
is SUPREMELY helpful. I’ve found myself in that position often, and sometimes,
the best advice comes from people who aren’t living it, but who very much have
thought about and attempted to understand the situations that I find myself in.
I challenge y’all and myself to do that as often as you can! How would your
life be different if you were born a different race, sex, sexual orientation,
national origin, socioeconomic status, etc.?

Friday, May 10, 2013

I know Friday’s aren’t t the best days for blogs, but hey, I
can’t control when I’m inspired to do one! I was on my way to work this dreary
morning in Dallas and I was listening to my favorite album (as of late) on my
phone. It is definitely the Rock of Ages soundtrack. If you like classic rockmusic, I would highly recommend it! It has some really cool mixes of a couple
of songs too, but I digress. Rock music always does something to me internally,
where I feel as if it is flowing through me. Not sure if anyone else has
experienced this visceral reaction to music, but I’m pretty sure I’m not the
only one to have this feeling. It puts me in a great mood, which we all need
when entering the office, haha!

While in this state and thoroughly enjoying the music, I was
coming up with some really cool ideas for dancing, performing, etc. If you don’t
know me, dancing is my artistic passion. It just gives a release of all of
these big things that I feel or experience and just cannot be expressed in a
different medium. I’ve often lamented on the fact that I am not an amazing
singer, because I feel as if they can express some big things that I just
cannot. Now that I’ve returned to dancing regularly, I have a constant way to
express whatever I’m going through. It does a few things:

2. It helps me to remember feelings about various
events long term. While I was in grad school with my nose at the grindstone, I
find that I have trouble remembering a lot of those 3 years. I think it was
because I did not allow myself the time to really reflect on what was going on.

3. It makes me strive to find the perfect place in
this world for me.

I wanted to specifically talk about #3 a bit more. We all
have goals that we want to reach within life. I think that because of the way
that we are all moved through the American education system that there is a
strict focus on our careers. That isn’t necessarily a bad thing, as being
financially stable helps us to achieve other goals such as starting a family,
becoming a homeowner, etc. The only thing that I would caution is that it
really limits an individual in achieving their FULLEST potential. If I wouldn’t
have went back and tried to make dance teams at age 25 (older in the dance
world, haha) I would have never gotten to this level of contentment. I also
would have been feeling pretty stagnant within my life as after school is over
and you’re working, you’re just working. After being involved in so much for so
long, I felt like something was missing. Or I was missing some key to
happiness.

I was missing the rest of myself. I don’t think dance
completely fulfills that missing piece, but it is a big part of it for me. My
relationships and continuing cultivation of them was a piece. Being creative in
general is a piece. The point I want to make is that I didn’t and still do not
know all of the pieces of myself. I could be an awesome guitarist/rock god or I could be a talented painter. I won't know unless I visit those interests. As adults, I think we sometimes feel that we
don’t have time to discover new things about ourselves; that time has passed.
THAT IS A MYTH. Don’t ever settle; you don’t know what you may be missing!

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

I haven’t made an entry in a while, as I felt that I needed
to have a strong willingness to write another blog entry. I didn’t want my
thoughts to become just a weekly diary entry; I wanted them to be real, raw and
relevant. (That alliteration was pretty good, and unplanned, haha). As I’m sure
everyone knows, the #BostonMarathon bombings are currently rocking the media
and the American people. I instantly felt the typical responses of “things like
this should never happen, what is this world coming to, and who in their right
mind would do this?”. This gives way to many negative thoughts in general about
this world and the people in it, but I refuse to be that way and I challenge y’all
not to give in to those pessimistic feelings, perspectives and overall
outlooks.

A quote that I keep seeing is from my favorite childhood TV
character, Mr. Rogers from Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood: “When I was a boy and saw
scary things in the news, my mother would say to me ‘Look for the helpers. You
will always find people who are helping.” I’m sure many people have seen this
shared all over every social media page and every post about this tragedy. Seeing
images of people running towards the mayhem and helping injured away, hearing
stories of marathon runners continuing to run to the hospitals to donate blood,
seeing Google’s set up for finding people and providing information and hearing stories of the residents of #Boston opening their homes to those who needed shelter, food and a place to decompress. Those stories hit
my heart more than the explosions did to begin with.

When I see these great examples of humanity, it helps to
take away some of the pain of the tragedy. It helps me to see the good in the
world and the good in MOST people. It also inspires me to be one of those “helpers.”
Mr. Rogers started his show to put a little good in the world. While it is a
small offering in the “grand scheme of the world” it was his and it touched many
more lives than I think even he could have dreamed.

That is what I hope to do as a good person, good citizen and
overall good human being. Even if I can’t invent something life changing or
discover something that will help millions of people, I do have control over
who I DO choose to help out of those that I can. Even though everything in this
world isn’t wonderful, a lot of it IS wonderful and CAN BE if people choose to make
it that way. Choose to make the world wonderful. Do that in your everyday
decisions, actions and words. I certainly will!!

About Me

Hey y'all. My goal is to share my thoughts and experiences to hopefully relate to someone else. It's so easy to feel alone and unsuccessful in life - especially when you don't have a strong family unit or community to draw support from. Being alone is ok, but realizing that you aren't alone as you feel is wonderful - even if your support is someone through a computer screen. I hope that we can create that here.