‘Orange Is the New Black’ Recap, Season 3, Episode 12: Like Mother, Like Daughter

#OrangeHeads, in the penultimate episode, “Don’t Make Me Come Back There,” Daya finally gives birth. Hooray!! So since she’s pooping (and yes, I meant to write pooping because I’m sick of this dumb ass storyline which is basically Donkey Kong excrement), that means we are finally going to get some Daya flashbacks this season. As much as she’s been talked about, we haven’t really learned a whole heck of a lot about her since Season One and, in my opinion, that’s too long to go without some serious character development. Well, you can imagine my dismay when this episode turns out to be Aleida-centric. Listen, Aleida is great, but Daya needs to have her moment to shine. Her pregnancy was a colossal waste of an opportunity for some serious exploration into the world of pregnant inmates. This is not to say that Aleida’s story is not well-acted in the episode. But hello, I think viewers would have liked more attention to be paid to the soon-to-be mother as opposed to the mother of the soon-to-be mother. Ay-yi-yi! It’s like two steps forward, one step back with Orange is the New Black. Alight, let’s get to it and talk about what the show got right and wrong in this episode.

We open with Daya, who’s having labor pains and accepting all the Latinas’ help except for Aleida’s. Makes sense. Still, Aleida vents about the situation to Ruiz, who is sympathetic and also says the truth: you need your daughter more than she needs you. This leads us into a series of flashbacks throughout the episode where we see Aleida trying to do her best, but it’s not enough. There’s the matter of living in a not-so-great neighborhood where Daya is playing with discarded condoms. And then there’s Aleida dropping her daughter off at camp for a month even though Daya begs her not to leave her there. Aleida does because she’s had plans to turn up and be mommy-free for 30 days. And finally, when Aleida returns to pick her up, she’s not thrilled that Daya had fun without her, bonded with her camp counselor Stacy, and now wants to be an artist. So what does Aleida do? She throws out all of Daya’s artwork and then convinces her daughter that she didn’t like camp or Stacy and she should give up dreams of being an artist. Y’all, Aleida is straight up #JealousNickJonasEdition. This is all very tragic, but as P!nk so eloquently put in her hit song, “There you Go”: Sometimes it be’s like that.

In addition to giving her a better life than the one she has, Aleida clearly wants the love and affection of Daya, but to such an extreme that she ended up putting her daughter down the same path. Obviously, Daya is culpable for her actions and for how she ended up in Litchfield, but Aleida laid the groundwork because she was too selfish; she acted as if Daya’s interest in anything other than her trumped Aleida’s ability to be a good mother. But, you know what? Aleida is going to turn things around.

She attempts to reconcile with Daya, whose contractions are worsening. Aleida’s efforts don’t work because Daya is still angry at her, but as her condition gets dangerous — she starts bleeding — Aleida takes matters into her own hands. She tells Gloria that she’s going to start doing the right thing, so she calls Mrs. Powell and gives her an update on Daya and the baby. Aleida tells her the baby died. But baby girl didn’t — she is alive and well, so:

Seriously. What. Da. Fuq. I get what Aleida is trying to do here, but yet again she is making a decision for Daya instead of asking if she wants Mrs. Powell to be lied to. That, my friends, exemplifies my biggest issue with how OITNB has handled Daya’s character: she makes no decisions. She is not a character. She just exists for bad thing to happen to her. Bennett left her. She was told to lie and say Pornstache raped her. Her mom manipulates her. This is not compelling, and it isn’t good use of Dascha Polanco. In short, this pregnancy plot line was a wasted opportunity.

Now, let’s balance things with something that the show got right: the horrific treatment of Sophia. To see the way the inmates have turned on her thanks to Gloria and Aleida’s rumors is heartbreaking. Sophia gets jumped in her own salon as one of the inmates wants to see if Sophia has a penis. And because one of the new COs weighs about as much as deep-fried Tic-Tac, she has to run and get Caputo instead of breaking up the fight herself.

But, as we all know, no shit sundae is complete without a shit cherry. The MCC decides to put Sophia in the SHU for “her own protection,” but really it’s because they don’t want to have to deal with transphobic bullies at Litchfield.

And the sadness train continues. Soso is OD’ing on pills because she can’t handle Leanne’s incessant bullying and Pennsatucky is still reeling from the sexual assault. I have to say, while I like that she’s confiding in Big Boo all her emotions, I don’t like how the show got her there. Most of the episode was devoted to the duo plotting to revenge-rape CO Charlie. When they finally drugged him and got him along, there was a lot of, “You shove the broom up his butt,” “No! You do it,” “Noooooo, you do it.” It just all felt a tad sitcom-y to me. and given the subject matter, being this jokey felt tonally off. Sometimes, you don’t need to dull the pain with humor. Just show the damn pain and let the audience feel. Moving on.

Piper is still the worst. She’s “sad” because she got dumped. I’m sorry, Piper, you cannot be sad about being dumped when you’re out here in the streets slobbing on some other broad’s face like it’s a rib bone from a Bobby Flay restaurant. Anyway, she’s all, “I can’t believe she dumped me” and “I get that she’s been acting weird.” Um, no, Vause was not acting weird. She thought she was going to die. And at this point, I’m ready for Piper to die. She is the worst character on this show, by a mile, and we don’t need her anymore. Apparently, Stella doesn’t either, because when Piper asks her to be business partners, Stella tells her that she’s being released from prison next week.

Screw Piper.

Phoebe Robinson is a stand-up comic and writer who’s been on Late Night with Seth Meyers, is a consultant for Broad City, and whose debut book, You Can’t Touch My Hair, comes out Fall 2016. Her website is blaria.com.