At the beginning of next month I am going to have to move this website over to a new hosting provider because the current company hosting this website charges a lot of money for the amount of bandwidth I need every month. I have tried to negotiate some give and take with these guys but I can’t get anyone to return my emails.

So I’ve been talking with Jon — that’s what married people do sometimes, talk. More often than not we finish each other’s sentences and have an amazing ability to understand what the other is talking about when asked about the thing that goes with the thing over there on the thing. I’ve come to the decision that I want to do a redesign of this site in conjunction with the hosting provider move. I want to make a lot of improvements, add more features, and make this website an even better waste of your time.

Some of the things I’d like to see here include:

1. Search functionality
2. Better/more categorization of posts
3. A daily photograph
4. A monthly round-up of hate mail, love mail, and could take me or leave me mail, and my commentary on all of it
5. Adding back to the archives all the older posts that I have deleted
6. Lengthier descriptions of music, books and websites I’m enjoying
7. A site FAQ section, including an explanation on the tools I use to build this site

Now here’s where I talk about the possibly controversial part: I want to try and make money with this website (Gasp. Sigh. Please alert the sell-out police.) This may seem too ambitious, and it may very well be too ambitious as this is a personal website that talks a whole lot about poop. But Jon and I have given this a lot of thought, and generating any sort of revenue from the site, however meager or paltry it may be, would help relieve at least a little bit of the burden Jon carries in supporting this family financially.

I’ve considered taking a job outside the home, but that would mean that I would probably have to give up this website. I don’t possess the juggling skills to raise a baby and work a full or part-time job and maintain the amount of writing I have done here. This website brings me much happiness and joy, and it has been the most therapeutic part of my treatment for postpartum depression. Why not try to make a living out of it?

I’ve thought about getting a job writing a column for a magazine or newspaper, but I would inevitably be subjected to an editor in those circumstances, and editors always seem to suck the life out of whatever I’ve written (no offense to editors out there, you’re good people, except for the one I dated in Los Angeles who used to proofread Honda brochures, my god, did he need to chill it on the correct usage of apostrophes, plus there was that one time he LOST IT when he couldn’t watch a Notre Dame game, and I had to witness the near-choking of the bartender at an Irish bar on Fairfax because THE IRISH BAR WASN’T SHOWING THE NOTRE DAME GAME, OH MY GOD HOW COULD THEY CALL THEMSELVES IRISH?)

Unfortunately I’m not quite sure how to make money doing this. I applied for Google AdSense and they rejected me because of “Inappropriate language.” Yes, that’s right. Google wants nothing to do with me and my motherfucking fucker fucks, my poops and penile diseases, my nursing bras and engorged, cabbage-wrapped torpedo boobs. Here’s what they actually said:

“We’ve found that your website contains content that isn’t in compliance with our program policies. We don’t allow websites with excessive profanity or potentially offensive content to participate in Google AdSense.”

Somehow I feel rather proud.

I don’t want to be edited or censored, and I would never alter the content of this site to qualify for an advertising program. My stance on this may leave me moneyless, but at least I’ll have my dignity and you’ll have my cabbage boobs.

Here’s where I ask for your feedback on the idea of a redesign. I want your input. What would you like to see here?

(NOTE: NUDE PICTURES OF ME ARE NOT AN OPTION. DON’T EVEN ASK. Nude pictures of Chuck, however, coming soon!)

Related:

Heather, you have the steamiest pooping site, like ever (choke on that google!). I would pay a moderate amount to read all about your tips and giggles, even the serious items are worth more than two birds in a hand. Well, you know. Keeping paypal as an option is a good thing and I would vote for your masthead designs put into a calendar also, and photos for sale, definitely t-shirts, possibly ads. Magnets and coffee cups too? I’m sure you can come up with something laughably smart and lovely to match your wowing site! Keep up the great work! I’d definitely be into reading reviews by you regarding any type of media you are into also…

http://blog.swimp.net swimp

Woh, I knew this site was hot but g’damn, 440 comments on a single post is a bit overstating it

http://www.livejournal.com/users/journeytohealth JTH

Well, I have to say I second or third of 500th the cafepress idea. I think your mastheads are pure genius. I’d be happy to doocify my wardrobe to assist in the sustaining of this site and your happy family.

I think we all know that it costs money for you to run this site. Eventually, we’re going to have to pay for our voyeurism.

You do what you have to do. People that get all ticked off about a few ads can go elsewhere.

I’m sure with a little research, you will find the right option for you.

I know I’ll be here riding the sell out wave with you.

Elisa

Right now I’m DROOLING over the idea of a “Dooce: The Softer Side of Cynical” t-shirt. As a matter of principle, I don’t wear t-shirts with logos and I don’t buy from the internet, but for you I’ll trash the principles.

PLEASE.

http://www.mintyfreshphotography.com Katrina

I think the t-shirt idea is awesome I’d totally wear a dooce.com shirt, especially if it had a cute design like the mastheads! More pictures are always good too!

http://nee.9t9.net ‘nee

Basically, most people who say they’ll pay to read the site are lying. They think they will, but they won’t. Lots of sites go out of business this way. Attracting new customers is of course a huge problem when you require subscription.

Look at the site as an advertisment for other things. What are those things?

Well, merchandise is the best suggestion by far, as long as it’s well-thought-out and well-designed, which I’m sure it would be given your formidable skills in that area. However, places like CafePress.com take their pound of flesh so it tends to be prohibitively expensive and also low-profit for end seller.

Pay-per-use areas are good, but don’t generally pan out. Meighan.com tried it, and a few other high-profile blogs, and it usually doesn’t fly — unless it’s porno, of course.

I think the book suggestion is a great one. Definitely shop some publishers, or self-publish. Wil Wheaton got a book deal beacuse 5000 copies his self-published book sold out in a record two weeks.

Beth

I’d pay for a premium site.
Maybe post to the open site once a week, and to get all the posts we pay. You’re great. I do what I love and make money, everyone should get to do that.

Allison

Sell stuff YOU think is cool and chances are you will get a nice little cult following buying your stuff. Example – I LOVED the “Benevolent Dictator” t-shirt you had on Leta and was dead jealous…I would have snatched one of those up for my wee girl.

Linda

I’ve been reading your blog for several months and find your writing be some of the most compelling, fun and interesting on the web and/or in print You should definitely be published (for pay)!!
Though I think the newspaper column idea is great, maybe an online mag or alternative weekly (like the Stranger here in Seattle) would be less limiting for you and a book would probably be the best option.
You are such a talented, humorous writer that I’m sure you would sell lots of books. I really like the idea of a book version of your archives…I can’t recall the name of the hot new Bridget Jones/Nanny Diaries/etc…genre (chick lit?), but you would definitely fit right in.

JAG

Been reading your site for years. Love it! I, too, agree with the book deal/print comments – huge seller, I would think.

While I would probably buy a t-shirt, mug or mouse pad, I really like the calendar idea someone suggested earlier. Could offer several versions – one with Leta, Chuck, Jon and Dooce pics and maybe one with your beautiful Utah scenery photos. I’d buy that.

Maybe a subscription only postcard section of your photography?

mcdtracy

There is a model for you… based upon NPR or the street performer.

End every post with an “TIP ME” widget .05-$1? Totally honor-based… you’re good enough to pull it off. You have marketable skill called “talent”. Go figure… I’ve been selling your site all over the net.

Potentially have a programmer hack up a database tool to track the results and e-mail bills to your readers. (Blogger, or MT an the ISP could add the feature and scrape off a percentage for collecting the tips)

I see it as a sort of honorary “tip jar” system but the reader needs to vote right after finishing the post and thinking… “Damn that was so much fun… I’ll TIP Heather to encourage her to write again soon.”

The websites that start with “Keep Me Alive” requests miss the opportunity to get the reader to vote/rate the content and then follow up with the money to justify returning for more. Guilt just doesn’t work as well.
That’s “panhandling”. Pass the hat just after the performance.

A lot of great bloggers could benefit from a “tip jar” approach.

Initially, request sponsors to fund the development of the experiment and potentially gain some rights to the resulting technology or profit sharing based upon the achievement of a steady revenue stream. Someone needs to create a “Tipjar” service or web-ring so that I only need to put my credit card into one system and I can tip you and RageBoy and Jeneanne and Halley and on and on… This sounds like a job for “BurningBird” Shelley Powers or another great Internet thinker/hacker. If Dave Winer offers… just say no.
We don’t want to be indebted to him for another basic idea that just makes sense.
In fact, I’ll pay you to say no. That model is called extortion. It won’t scale as well as a group of smiling, and/or crying readers that love you. Did you know we love you? Oh yes… remind us gently that the baby needs new shoes. That’s called charity and it scales
a too. Be well and proposer. -McD

stacey

the gawker group of web sites could use a mom/family web site written in the gawker-esque snarky tone. you could do that. you are an amazing writer, with the right edge. pitch them the idea of a blog and take their salary to be editor-in-chief when they green-light it.

http://www.darnlucky.com Beth

Take down your archives, and compile them into an e-book. Anybody that wants to read back articles from Dooce.com can buy them in monthly or yearly chunks.

Keep the “Post of the Moment” free for daily readers, and make your archives into juicy little books, which someday will get picked up by a publisher, or can be consumed by your fans in juicy chunks of cash!

http://www.eleventwentyseven.com christine

Nope. Not lying. I don’t lie. I would pay to read dooce.

Dave Thomas

lizpenn is 100% right. People don’t and won’t pay for content on the web. The best you can do is charge for access to archives and extras (a la the Onion, newspapers), and all that will do is ensure that nobody ever accesses the archives and extras.

Maybe I’m waxing all Luddite-y, but screw the web. There is still money (and dignity) to be had in traditional publishing. You’ve got the goods, you’ve got the audience and–rarest of rubies–you’ve got something to say. It all adds up to a country-mile head start on every other unpublished writer in the world.

What you waiting for?

http://www.julietmartinez.com Juliet

You rule, Heather. I strongly recommend seeking out a book deal, then a reality show deal, then a screenplay for a Lifetime special movie. Okay, not Lifetime, but definitely the book and I can tell you right now I would be GLUED to the reality show . Think big. You are very talented and there is no reason on earth you can’t make lots of cash from this site. That said, I hope we never meet IRL because I would be too embarrassed after having poured out my feelings like this.

http://the-couch.org Luis

1. Jeff Vogel at Irony Central sold his “The Story About the Baby” series of posts as a book. That approach might work for you, as you do have a linear pregnancy / birth / baby narrative in your archives. Certainly your writing is at least as good as his. You might try contacting him to see how he went about finding representation and/or a publisher.

1a. Serializing might also work, but it would have to be a damned edgy magazine that didn’t edit the shit out of you. And edgy zines are not usually rich ones.

2. I would pay a subscription fee. Gladly. And securing your site would probably cut down on the hate mail, and calm your life down a bit there. However, that would also turn off new readers and the ease of linking to Dooce.com posts that brings them in. This would not be a step to be taken lightly — I would not advise you to do it without having a damned good idea of how much money that would bring in.

3. Swag is a great idea. Your various mastheads are instant swag. They can be bumper stickers, coffee mugs, t-shirts. Slap them on anything. Your photography is also quite good, and you could easily cull a lot of “money quotes” from your archives, to be slapped on anything that doesn’t move away fast enough.

4. And finally, the bottom line: Your work is good enough to earn money. Quite possibly a great deal of money. IF YOU VALUE IT ENOUGH to charge money for it, others will value it enough to pay money for it.

Best of luck to you!

http://www.julietmartinez.com Juliet

P.S. I think you should focus potential merchandising concepts on babywear. I don’t wear a lot of t-shirts but would put a “Softer Side of Cynical” T on dd (7 mo) in a heartbeat.

http://www.9t9.net/Screed The Lone Banana

Hello — long-time reader, first-time poster, with my two cents on how to make money from your website.

First, I don’t think charging readers for access will bring in very much money. Writing is a really hard sell on the Web. You’ll just reduce your readership, and remove the most effective advertisement you have: the site itself, and your writing.

Two avenues you might explore are advertising and merchandising. Okay, so Google turned you down; they’re not the only game in town. Success here will probably rely on you approaching businesses with hit stats and a proposal.

Merchandise is good; people say they would buy a “Dooce” T-shirt. Maybe you could turn the double-O into cartoon breasts as yet another boob reference (nah, too predictable). Coffee mugs? Nursing bras? Baby wipes? Pacifiers?

Sidenote: The only people who make money with Cafe Press stuff are the Cafe Press guys themselves.

My leading suggestion is a book. You have a good collection of columns that are mostly funny, sometimes touching, and occasionally gut-wrenching. You haver a natural topic: the pregnancy, birth, and infancy of your child; people love to read about that stuff. Select, combine, edit, and put together a volume called THE DOOCE IS WILD or FROM HERE TO MATERNITY (I’m sure you can do better than that), and you’ve got a book for a defined audience.

You can self-publish it (be skeptical of “print-on-demand” outfits; you’re usually better off doing it yourself. I’d recommend Day Poynter’s THE SELF-PUBLISHING MANUAL; his website at http://www.parapublishing.com is worth checking out.

One advantage of self-publishing is you can do it at home in your copious free time (hah!).

lesaa

I love your website. our babies are about two months apart. sometimes you are the only thing keeping me from losing it. I would totally buy sarcastic baby onesies & bibs. You have a gift for that sort of thing!! Good luck with whatever you decide!! More pics of Leta would be awesome. she is so cute!!

http://www.shuffstuff.blogspot.com amy

I just want you to know that I just discovered this blog yesterday and spent half the night reading archives.(I realize that doesn’t say a lot about my personal or social life, lol) I am a newbie to the blog world and am thoroughly impressed with what I see on your site. (once again, my opinion probably doesn’t matter to those with clout) Anyway, I have an almost 8 month old and have to return to my teaching position next week and so I totally understood some of your comments. I haven’t laughed so hard in a really long time. You seriously could make big money. I would subscribe. All that said, go for it. I would also purchase any groupie crap you produce.
Best of luck to you. Big Hugs!

diane

I have no problem with the idea of paying for my daily dooce fix. However, being a poor student, I probably wouldn’t be able to afford the $50 someone mentioned above. Depending on the amount of work involved, a book would be just the thing.
Best wishes to you & yours!

Dowen

I don’t really have any ideas about earning money online; I just wanted to support your intention to find a way to do it. If you can find a way to make a living doing something you love, something which brings happiness to you and so many others, you have to chase it. Go Dooce!

Minla

I would pay $10 a year to come read your site. I would also buy a pack of Dooce designed notecards. Maybe with some funny dooce quotes on the other side?

http://aspenchick.blogspot.com Sunny

A dooce.com t-shirt…hell yes! As for the mastheads on t-shirt ideas, I think you could sell the “My milkshake is better than yours” one in baby t-shirts and onesies..I’d buy them for gifts!

annie

I want a fucking Dooce.com T-Shirt right NOW!!! And another that has a picture of a bra on it…. with cabbage sticking out of it…. GO DOOCE!!!

http://www.absquatulate.com kris

I’m certain it’s all been said. here’s what I would pay for:

Dooce tshirts. particularly if the “o”s were over nipples, a la hooters. what? 30% of your content is about boobs! :^D

I like the idea of a dooce newsletter, where subscribers get funny stories you don’t put on the regular website, or photos, etc. exclusive Dooce, maybe call it Doo-Chay, or doo$e? or Dooce Deuce? ;^)

Ashley

Heather,

Try reading Erma Bombeck,She writes like you would have written had you been a housewife in the sixties. My point is this, ok, curb a bit of the profanity(or not) and write a book. Mothers everywhere love reading your stuff, And normal people too!
Be well,
Ashley
P.s. Tshirts are an excellant idea, I would totally walk around with dooce.com acrossed my chest!

http://suoic.blogspot.com suoica

I’ve been hooked on your site for a long time (pre-Leta, pre-married in Utah) and couldn’t bear to see it go away. Yours is the one soap opera I indulge in. My suggestion? Find yourself an agent (I know of one who’s looking for talented bloggers) and see what happens. If you want more information, shoot me an email. It might be selling out, but sometimes you just have to do that. And congratulations on the cabbage stunt. I don’t think I’d be able to do it. But then again, I don’t have kids and don’t know the misery of breast-feeding.

Tammy

Please don’t make this a pay site. With the kind of traffic you get, you should be able to sell advertising space for a good sum instead. And the merchandising idea is a good one too. Of course, you could always just ask your readers for donations a little more prominantly then you do now. I am much much more willing to give money as a donation rather than by force (subscription.)
Thanks for the rant.

April

Good God, look at all those suggestions. I have none. Except, yes, you should be paid somewhere for your brilliant selection of words and your honesty. You write brilliantly. I’ve told you that before. Do anything to this site because you surely have a tremendous following that would, in fact, love to read more cabbage stories, even at a cost!

http://www.xanga.com/heathabee heathabee

I would TOTALLY subscribe to your site even if it was pay-access only. You’re like my porn. haha. I always love your layout changes, and more pictures of baby and puppy are always so much fun to look at! so i definitely wish you luck, and i’m sure you’ll do great!

take care!

http://www.dianacook.net/the.details diana

sounds like you’ve got a pretty big fan base here. hell, if we all clicked on a PayPal link and just *gave* you ten bucks for being cool, you’d have a pretty good start on recouping your web hosting costs!

oh, and i’d be all about learning about the technical workings of your site. as i’m planning a server/software move for myself soon, it would be… educational.

You know though, if you charged us nominal fee of, like, five bucks a year, you’d be an instant squillionaire.

But.

I want a dooce t-shirt so screw that nominal fee idea, k?

http://www.pumpkinjuice.com Jen

Wow!!! So many comments – see how loved you are?
I don’t have anything to add except that I would TOTALLY buy your shirts / books / etc. I really hope you come out with something like that.

http://stuffandjunk.com Lissa

You can sell your promo stuff i.e. t-shirts, etc. thru AVON!!!
Do the book, then we’ll get you a movie deal
Supa-STAAH!

http://livejournal.com/users/sunonyourface Michael

Some ideas for the making of moneys from this site.

1) Go to your local barnes and nobles and buy a copy of the believer. or the new yorker. get published. Get syndicated in your state’s newspaper.

or

2) Make shirts with photos of your dog wrapped in spaghetti.

or

3)prostitution. I’ve met people who will pay alot of money for some pretty freaky stuff. Cabbage boobies might be someone’s turn on…

or

4) Sell all of Leta’s socks. Im sure she’ll turn out fine, anyway.

or

5) Become a stand-up comic and do this too. like steve hofsetter (observationalhumor.com)

whatever you do, just dont stop writing this thing. you are incredible and I <3 you

Keith

Honestly, I check your site way more than i should–i’m probably a big part of your bandwidth problem. I’d pay to get specialized content–maybe an email newsletter with columns just for the paying masses? you might also consider selling ad space to BYU–i’m sure they’d jump on it.

LisaC

Pledge drives, just like NPR and PBS. Four times a year, throw up a PayPal button, an interrupted entry with a cliffhanger, and refuse to post further until we pony up $X. People who can afford it and want to will pay, for sure. Those that can’t or won’t will still get their Dooce…eventually.
You could even do gifts–I’d give at the $20 level for a Dooce Cabbage.

Or you could do the Mormon thing and start a tithing policy.

Basically, I love the site and will pretty much do whatever you need to keep it going.

http://www.calledto.com. Eli

As one of the few people who pay for .mac services from Apple, I understand the importance and value of paying for a good (scratch that) great thing. I would jump at the chance to be an official memeber of dooce.com. Not to mention a t-shirt or poster or book or whatever.

You rock and I would buy just about anything you could market. Have at it!

(And I like all the proposed changes… Sounds exciting!)

zchamu

Ohmigod. I LOVE the SuperChuck Underoos idea. I would TOTALLY buy ten.

http://www.calledto.com/ Eli

P.S. An RSS feed so I can check out what is going on in this neck of the Blurbodoocery woods from my mobile phone would be great too.

I have to agree with Keith. I am probably a huge part of your bandwidth problem… I go through withdrawls every time you don’t post for more than four days.

http://www.schismatic.com/ Sarah

I would definitely buy some Dooce.com shwag and/or pay for Dooce Premium — hell, it’ll be much more fun than Salon. Your writing is much, much, much too good to go away; stay online, make some dough, and be happy doing it!

http://www.noisydogstudio.com Leigh

Since I began reading your site, I keeping saying …Dooce needs a book deal. You are more talented than 99.9% of the writers out there !

Until then…I would support having an ad for my business on your site…maybe in Chuck’s archives, since I specialize in contemporary dog portraits.

Looking forward to seeing what you come up with !

Scott

I might be missing something obvious but it seems to me that there is a lot of good information and a lot of creativity in both the blog and the comments. People in other settings PAY for this.

The cafe press/serial/noisy plush figures of Chuck and Leta could be the next “pet rock,” but the real money is in the seminar circuit.

You are certainly as motivational as Tony Robins and he packs in seminar participants in really nice places world wide.

I would spend three days a a thousand dollars for the right program with the right audience members and presenters. Jeff Pulver certainly charges more and your presentation with the right people could be as important.

http://www.calledto.com/ Eli

P.P.S. A book on your pregnancy and birthing and rearing of Leta would be a keeper for prospective parents and couples… Yeah I am Mormon, still single, and waiting to go on a mission, but I would pay $30 for a “Dooce Guide for First Pregnancies” for when I get married. Some of the posts were real eye openers, but I don’t think I ever looked forward to having a kid more than this before having read them…

I will shut up now. Sorry.

gail

Your web site is healing to me. It often reminds me of the book Operating Instructions, by Anne Lamont.
Get published! I will personally stand on corners selling copies, wearing a dooce.com t-shirt.

Laurel825

As strong as your writing is, it’s your photography skills, along with the captions, that keep me coming back. One of the funniest being “A Year In Heather’s Hair”. Calendar idea.

pea joe

I’ve been reading since you got fired in LA, and was so excited when I heard you were coming back to SLC. My only concern about subscription options is that it would make it harder for me to share you with my loved ones. I wish you and yours the best.

Virginia

Heather,
I like the idea, and I will definitely pay you to keep writing! But, for a monthly fee or something like that, I sadly wouldn’t do it.
I just had this brainstorm of having a yearly fee of a minimal amount – say $20 or so. Only those that pay or have a password can access it. Also, if you go that route, you could offer a certain day preview period – to entice newcomers…
Let us know if you shut down during redesign!

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