With each person that you are in a romantic relationship with you are not only in a relationship with that person, but the Village that they hold counsel with about almost every issue in your relationship, just as you have a village that you hold counsel with. When we are in a relationship we forget this very important fact. Although you can have a wonderful relationship with the Village, the Village shouldn’t have an opinion about everything going on with you and your partner.

What any person in a relationship should remember is that they have chosen to be in their relationship, to share their emotions, and have an experience with another person. An intimate or romantic relationship is between the two people that are in it, and not the two people and the Village.

It is unfortunate that in addition to people not always showing up in the relationship as themselves many people are guilty of bringing the Village along. The Village will give their opinion on everything from how long you should date, when you should have sex, to when you should get married, and have children. They will tell you things that come from their own negative or hurt feelings about relationships. But, the truth is none of what is going on with you and your partner is the villages business.

We all have moments of confusion, doubt and fear where relationships are concerned because there is no real handbook or road map on how to be in a relationship, and you may not have had any good example to learn from. You will make mistakes along the way, but you can only learn what is right for you and your partner by doing. So, when there is a problem you don’t run. As they say “when you fall off the horse you have to get back on”. What that means is you go back to your partner and work thought whatever your issues are together not with the Village. Because, no matter how good someone else’s intentions may be no one should ever have an opinion about your relationship. They can only project from their own experience, which may not be anything like yours. Which if you follow their advice nine time out of ten you will end up with a bigger mess in your relationship than you started out with.

So, in your relationship remember that you are in it with your partner and not the Village. The person you are with is not the same as anyone you have been with before. They are an individual who has chosen to be in a romantic relationship with you, and they deserve to be treated as the individual they are. So, tell the village that the drawbridge is up, and what goes on in “The Castle” stays in “The Castle.”