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I haven't written in a few days. I was trying to be sneaky about it, but you may have noticed.

I recently made the "decision" to stop taking my ADHD medication. I put "decision" in quotes because it wasn't so much a choice as a default consequence of not being mentally capable of going through the necessary steps to renew my prescription.

Anyway, when I first stopped taking my medication, my inattentiveness returned quickly. I had trouble focusing, I forgot simple things like not putting metal in the microwave. Going to the grocery store turned into a monumental effort for me. But all of that is okay because I don't have a job and my microwave was probably about to break anyway.

The last few days, though, have been interesting. When you stop taking an amphetamine-based medication, you feel a little tired. This lasts for a month or so. But once the tiredness goes away, you realize that you are indeed hyperactive. You may have thought you were hyperactive before. You may have even made an analogy involving a flame-thrower in an attempt to describe your alleged hyperactivity. But you were wrong. You had no idea what real hyperactivity is like until now.

I am normally a pretty energetic person. If it were not for my tendency to avoid responsibility, I would be able to accomplish my daily tasks effortlessly with enough time left over to start an AIDS charity. However, I have recently discovered that being energetic is not the same as being hyperactive. No. Being energetic is pleasant. "Energetic" is a quality that you would list on a resume. Hyperactivity is like being forcibly injected with way too much crack-cocaine and then being tied down to a table and made to watch a documentary about sea snails.

And that's when I'm actually doing stuff. When I'm bored, it's more like being forcibly injected with way too much crack-cocaine, being tied down to a table and made to watch a documentary about sea snails, then someone reduces the rate of narrative in your stupid snail documentary and you're like "Hey! I was watching that!" and you get kind of desperate because even though you do not have any interest in snails whatsoever, you never realized how good you had it when the documentary was playing at normal speed and now you want it back. And then someone karate chops you in the face for no reason and you get all agitated but you can't chase after them and inflict justice because you are tied to a fucking chair.

But I could be given a tranquilizer, chained to a high speed treadmill and made to watch 2 Fast 2 Furious on fast forward, and I would still feel slightly under-stimulated.

Combine this with a complete inability to accomplish anything and you find yourself sitting on your couch, drinking coffee mixed with vodka because you forgot to buy milk, staring at the wall with intensity, thinking about how you are going to start volunteering in an emergency room because that sounds exciting and it probably involves way less responsibility than a real job except that you are wrong and have grossly underestimated the responsibility inherent in assisting with a crisis and therefore you probably shouldn't be volunteering in an emergency room, but it doesn't really matter because there would almost definitely be paperwork involved and you wouldn't be able get past that step anyway.

Sweet baby Jesus, I need to get rich and famous really soon so I can afford to go to monster truck rallies. Either that or develop some sort of substance abuse problem that's not life-threatening, but still bad enough to be entertaining, deserving of pity and challenging to overcome. Then I can go on an inspirational-speaking tour and write a best-selling self-help book and become rich and famous that way. I don't see how there could be anything wrong with that plan. I'm pretty much guaranteed to achieve my goals and I'm actually kind of mad that I didn't think of it sooner.

I don't really know where I was going with all of this. It is probably best to stop now.

Tony - Holy crap, it's like you can read my mind. I was totally secretly plotting to get on intervention and then I could blog about it and also be a reality TV star!

Ed - I'll still give you first. You and Tony can share. And I don't think blogging really counts as conquering my ADHD since I enjoy blogging and people with ADHD are pretty much superstars at accomplishing the things that they enjoy. However, I do see your point in that I was able to sit still and hold a train of thought. Actually, that makes me feel a lot better! Thanks Ed!

My son has ADHD. School wants him medicated. Personally I don't see a difference between The Kid on drugs and The Kid off drugs. You on the other hand are a very different story. You might even qualify for some sort of assistance in getting your drugs. Assuming of course you were able to wade through the paperwork. Oh but that's what got you here in the first place isn't it? :) Good luck.

BTW, I am told that coffee actually takes ADHD-ers down a notch. Better make it a double.

I have long suspected that I have ADHD and am bipolar, but my mom never took me seriously. Now I feel kind of silly going to a therapist when this all coulda been ironed out years ago.

Anyway. I am sorry that you couldn't get your meds. You should definitely look into getting some kind of assistance. I think it's bullshit that some medications people actually need are so freaking expensive, and yet they hand out percs and shit to drug addicts for practically free.

I think I may have ADHD. I couldn't finish this. Sorry. It was all the mention of chains and crack-cocaine. It made me hungry.

Seriously though I probably don't. My attention span is short after reading a gajillion blogs - why can't everyone else stop writing when I stop reading so I don't feel guilty at all the catching up I have to do?

The idea of medication is one that I don't enjoy but it might be a necessary evil. I know I'm going to the doctor next week after six years being meds free and I hate that I feel that I have to. But I'll have to overcome that shame. Just as you will probably have to overcome the barriers preventing you from renewing your prescription.

inflammatory writ - That's exactly what the hyperactivity part feels like. The inattentive/impulsive part feels more like having a snail documentary on in the background at all times and sometimes you get distracted by it because they are talking about snail reproduction and for some reason that is the only part of a snail documentary worth watching and other times you'd rather watch it than attend to your responsibilities.

Elizabeth - Not being believed is one of the worst parts of having ADHD. You'll say "I have ADHD" and people look at you like you just told them you have "foot in mouth disease." Like "Oh, that's just an expression someone made up for being forgetful and impulsive..."

Mysterg - That's totally okay. My ADHD is the main reason I have such a problem responding to comments and keeping up with all the blogs I read. I understand about the medication shame. It makes you feel like you have to cheat to seem normal. Like everyone else can do it just fine, but you have to take speed. I can definitely function alright without medication, but life is a thousand times easier with it.

Kim - Laziness is actually one of the symptoms of ADHD! But it's laziness based out of feeling completely overwhelmed by things. I guess it isn't actually laziness so much as the appearance of laziness. Like everything (especially boring or tedious things) is so difficult to accomplish that you may as well just not do it.

It's a real shame that medication shame exists. I understand it, but I hate it.

One of my friends is extremely diabetic. He needs to take insulin to survive, and he'll need to take it the rest of his life.

I've got generalized anxiety disorder. I need to take klonopin in order to survive, and I will probably be taking it the rest of my life.

Yet somehow I'm supposed to be ashamed and he's not? How does that work? If anything, he should be a bit more ashamed than me ... if I quit taking my drug I'll just end up curling up on the couch and not moving for days on end, whereas if he quits taking his drug he actually DIES, which means I'm in better working order than him, and I win.

That's how it works, right? I win? I hope so... Kind of anxious about that...

That's about all I can say as a teacher, because the people who love you? The people who are watching you RIGHT NOW? Well, they want to slap you, hug you, and try to channel your energy into something like cleaning the house all at the same time.

The snail documentary analogy is fabulous! That is exactly how my students look. Oh, wait, but, um, I'm sure it has nothing to do with my teaching.

Is there anyway Boyfriend could go pick up the 'script once it's called in? Or a family member could do it and then mail it to you? You've probably considered these things before. Anyway, you seem well. Is my diagnosis from reading your blog posts.

In other news: I'm actually quite alive and awake far too late as always. I've experienced what I believe is referred to as a "manic" episode before...which was probably quite similar to ADHD, only mine lasted for like...3 days. I kind of almost enjoyed it, but was glad when I calmed down, because I don't know how anybody can be that "on" all the time!

My sympathies!!!!

But....I bet in your condition it would be hilarious to watch you play something like "dance dance revolution"....BAHAHAHA I can see it now!

I don't know how to end this comment section....it's like my brain won't stop in an appropriate place to end it! GAH! SO...ummmmMMMM...I will say goodnight! Yes! That's it!

don't take this the wrong way, but I could tell that you have ADHD. ;)my dad has it. meds can really put a hamper on one's creativity, though that doesn't appear to have happened to you.most successful people have ADHD.it's a gift.relish it.you rock.

That's one hell of a plan to become rich and famous. You should just write a novel with that happening in it rather than put yourself through an intentional substance abuse problem. OR write the book, claim it's true when it's not, it becomes a bestseller, you're on Oprah because she loved it, everyone discovers it's bullshit, then you're on Oprah again because you duped Oprah and she wants to talk to youa bout it. OPRAH!

I just have regular, boring ADD. But I don’t say the letters I say “I have add” but I pronounce it with an accent so it sounds like “Ahdd” and then when people ask me what it is I say “Oh you don’t have it? Really, you are missing out” and then I walk away like a bad ass leaving them totally confused. Really I’m just getting away as quickly as possible to avoid having to tell them what it really is, and consequently feeling totally lame for trying to make something so ordinary sound cool.

jesus I am on ampetamines and after having read that I feel like I forgot to take them for about 3 years. I now have no chance of being productive tonight between you, the bloggess, the oatmeal, Rockband and my dog. Holy shiiiiiiiiiiiitt.

Hi you're funny, go to my link ;) okay, really, I DO think you're funny and I do want you to go to my link but only because I quoted you there (is that legit? please don't kill me) I'm collecting funny phrases from blogs I read and you're the first! Congrats!

Blegh. I went to a psychiatrist a few years back after half-reading a bulletin about ADHD. After meeting with him, he said I strongly display symptoms of ADHD. He then told me I'd have to go through a complete psychological profile with a different office (the waiting list for which, I was told, is between 3 and 6 months).

I think the de facto test was, if you can actually make it TO that appointment, you're cured. -_-

I'm sure it was just a stop to prevent people from getting adderall. Needless to say, I didn't go.