__________________ST:T"They know what is what but they dont know what is what, they just strut...what the ****?"

Volucris: My family members often wake me up in the middle of the night telling me I've been screaming battle commands at the top of my lungs while sleeping. I don't know what it means but I don't complain about my dreams."

Mom: what is this (holds up a little pink baseball bat onie that she found under my clothes on the laundry room floor)
me: idk never seen it in my life
Mom: well it was in your clothes
me: no it wwasnt ive never seen it
mom: what do you mean youve never seen it it was in your clothes
me: what the hell are you talking about it was not
mom: have you been smoking pot
me: maybe, how do you know its mine and not yours or one of your friends
mom: unbelievable thats why you didnt want to take a drug test for cub foods
me: (as shes walking away) what are you tricking your own son into telling you he smokes pot
i then text all of my friends like wtf did you leave your oney in my sweatshirt no one has seen it. ( btw my parents and there friends smoke pot)
::2hours later::
mom: funny story....(i interupt her)
me: yeah i know its not mine
mom: yeah carol(moms friend that is living with us for awhile) was cleaning out her car and found it in there and must of fallen out of her pocket it was a fluke accident
me: yeah i knew it wasnt mine the whole time
mom: still think its kind of funny that i tricked you into to telling me that you smoke pot
me: oh
mom: just dont get caught while your on probation
me: alright

:::MORAL OF THE STORY:::
mom tricks me into think that a oney falls out of my pocket in the laundry room blames it on me i confess that i smoke pot and then it ends up being her friends oney

A couple years ago my dad asked me if I knew about the Camerion Diez nude video, and I was like yeah. Then he asked me if i could download it so he was sittin on my bed watching me download it. He left cause it was going pretty slow, so it finished while he was gone and I watched it. A little later he asked me if it ever finished, and I told him it didn't work, and he just left again...pretty awkward.

When i came home drunk as i have ever been to my moms house during sophomore year.

Mom: How much did you have to drink tonight?
Me: ....like 4ish shots. (slurring and lying about how much i drank)
Me: *pukes on the floor and her feet*
Mom: Well you just threw up about 10. Go to sleep, we'll talk tomorow.

dad walked into room after i just got out of the shower
Dad: "I dont care if you have sex, but if you do you have to wear a condom."
Me: (stand there holding my junk and stare blankly)
Dad: (extends his hand and gives me 5 condoms)
Me: "Uhh what the hell are you doing?"
Dad: Have fun buddy. (leaves room)
Me: (Stand there not sure of what just occured.)

Very awkward situation when you are butt *** naked in the middle of your room.