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Tuesday, 10 January 2012

For quite a few years marketers have been passionate. Passionate about all manner of stuff, it seems, except the thing normal people associate with passion, which from memory I seem to recall quite fondly is sex.

An amazing number are passionate about food, which may explain why there are so many wobbling blobs of adiposity taking up more than their share of airplane seats and decorating public places.

But is passion being replaced by inspiration? Sainsbury's want me to be inspired to cook. English Heritage has an entire campaign just called Inspired! (Note the exclamation mark: very creative, must have cost a few sleepless nights to some up with that).

The Olympics (of which I am heartily sick months in advance) have a campaign called Inspire, sadly bereft of any creative punctuation. This campaign "enables non-commercial organisations across the UK to link their events and projects to the London 2012 Games in an official scope"

What the hell do they mean "in an official scope"? Why can't these fools write in English, or at least hire someone who can?

Anyhow, the other day I noticed that the Harley Street Clinic has a big sign outside saying "Inspired to Care". I imagine this is because some oily consultant told them they needed some "marketing", then conned them into thinking that means plastering their building with fatuous drivel.

I lived on Harley Street for seven years, and I only remember one thing about what inspired the people there, which was told me by an distinguished lawyer. "I never knew a doctor who wasn't more interested in money than in medicine". Not long afterwards a doctor made the same remark about lawyers, so one doesn't know what to think.

I don't mind people wanting money, but I wish they wouldn't come out with all this patronising crap. If they were just inspired to care they'd be working in the NHS. They probably like doing what they do, feel it's worthwhile and do it well but like to get paid tons and tons of cash in exchange.

Me too, which reminds me: I really must urge you to have a free preview of my newly improved and tarted up Commonsense Marketing programme.

I have been inspired to launch this as an alternative to the amazing deluge of lies I get every day from sundry sharks. It runs every month for a year and starts with - among other things - something I have never done before. It's a step-by-step analysis of the briefing method I use.

Why not go there now? You can give the whole thing a go for a month without paying a bean and see what you think.

What can you lose? It won't get you to No 1 on Google, or get you $3,000 an hour without being able to sign your own name, but quite a few people have become surprisingly successful after taking my advice.

For quite a few years marketers have been passionate. Passionate about all manner of stuff, it seems, except the thing normal people associate with passion, which from memory I seem to recall quite fondly is sex.

An amazing number are passionate about food, which may explain why there are so many wobbling blobs of adiposity taking up more than their share of airplane seats and decorating public places.

But is passion being replaced by inspiration? Sainsbury's want me to be inspired to cook. English Heritage has an entire campaign just called Inspired! (Note the exclamation mark: very creative, must have cost a few sleepless nights to some up with that).

The Olympics (of which I am heartily sick months in advance) have a campaign called Inspire, sadly bereft of any creative punctuation. This campaign "enables non-commercial organisations across the UK to link their events and projects to the London 2012 Games in an official scope"

What the hell do they mean "in an official scope"? Why can't these fools write in English, or at least hire someone who can?

Anyhow, the other day I noticed that the Harley Street Clinic has a big sign outside saying "Inspired to Care". I imagine this is because some oily consultant told them they needed some "marketing", then conned them into thinking that means plastering their building with fatuous drivel.

I lived on Harley Street for seven years, and I only remember one thing about what inspired the people there, which was told me by an distinguished lawyer. "I never knew a doctor who wasn't more interested in money than in medicine". Not long afterwards a doctor made the same remark about lawyers, so one doesn't know what to think.

I don't mind people wanting money, but I wish they wouldn't come out with all this patronising crap. If they were just inspired to care they'd be working in the NHS. They probably like doing what they do, feel it's worthwhile and do it well but like to get paid tons and tons of cash in exchange.

Me too, which reminds me: I really must urge you to have a free preview of my newly improved and tarted up Commonsense Marketing programme.

I have been inspired to launch this as an alternative to the amazing deluge of lies I get every day from sundry sharks. It runs every month for a year and starts with - among other things - something I have never done before. It's a step-by-step analysis of the briefing method I use.

Why not go there now? You can give the whole thing a go for a month without paying a bean and see what you think.

What can you lose? It won't get you to No 1 on Google, or get you $3,000 an hour without being able to sign your own name, but quite a few people have become surprisingly successful after taking my advice.

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Drayton Bird Marketing Articles

The man Bird and his sad story

The CIM named Drayton one of 50 people who shaped today’s marketing.
And David Ogilvy said he “knows more about direct marketing than anyone in the world.” But don't blame him for all the crap you get sent.
He published his first novel, “Some rats run faster” when 27. Hardly anyone read this brilliant work as it had virtually no plot. 4 more books followed: “Commonsense Direct and Digital Marketing” – out in 17 languages; “Salesletters that sell” & “Marketing Insights and Outrages” and "Direct Marketing for Lawyers".
He's written over 1,000 columns, spoken in 50 countries and worked with many leading brands, incl. Amex, BA, Hargreaves Lansdown, Mercedes, Microsoft, Nestle, P & G, IBM, Unilever and Visa.
In 1977, he and two partners set up Trenear-Harvey, Bird & Watson, sold in l985 to O&M. As Vice-Chairman and Creative Director, he helped O&M Direct become the world's largest DM agency network, and was elected to the worldwide Ogilvy Group board.
He now runs Drayton Bird Associates and has interests in 3 other firms. The ones he never visits do much better.
This blog shows what all that has done to his head.