Newsflash: it has been reported that a school in Essex has banned triangle-shaped flapjacks. Cooks at Castle View comprehensive school on Canvey Island have been instructed to cut the sweet treats into rectangles instead from now on. The reason: after 15 years of uneventful triangular flapjack-eating at the school, one was recently chucked at a boy by a fellow pupil, giving him a "sore eye" and prompting a review of the "texture and shape of the flapjacks".

Presumably the review concluded that the four-cornered version of the snack was less hazardous than the aerodynamic shape of a three-cornered one, which, to some minds, might resemble a stealth bomber. Which raises the question: does a triangle make a more tempting missile than a boring old rectangle? Surely the most tempting shape of all is the sphere? Only last year, 26 children at a school in Ohio were injured after a massive food fight involving oranges. I still occasionally enjoy flicking peas at certain friends in the staff canteen. In fact I would argue that the humble pea is the ultimate food fight ammo. Cooked peas are tiny, harmless flecks of food that don't easily stain. But the best thing about them is their flickability. There's an art to pea flicking. Skill is involved.