This is my 200th post…and I don’t know what to say.

I’m not usually at a loss for words. This is my 200th post writing as The Brewer’s Daughter, and it’s hard for me to find the right thing to say to mark the place where I now find myself in life.

Thanks to those of you who have stuck with my blog these past 5 years…even if you’ve just read a few entries here and there along the way. It has been a real mix of beer, life and love…and now loss. Where to begin to try to express the emptiness I feel since the loss of my life partner, my love, my best friend, my best everything? He was yin to my yang, peanut butter to my jelly, pretzels to my brew. We completed each other, as trite as that sounds. For us it was true.

Paul’s battle with CNS Primary non-Hodgkins lymphoma ended on October 16th. He was surrounded by those who loved him most in this world, and as his spirit left his ravaged body, the morning sun shone through the autumn leaves and was never so heartbreakingly beautiful. The painted sunset that evening was the final curtain on his final day, and we rushed into the street to witness it and hug and cry and say his name.

If you want to read his formal obituary, you can find it here. But he was so much more than that list of facts and accomplishments, of course. His “giant heart” as described by author Katharine Weber (in the condolences found in the online Guest Book) was always full of laughter and kindness, and he shared it liberally with all who crossed his path. If you had the chance to meet him, you were lucky.

I was lucky. Fifteen years never went so fast. Thank you, Paul. For showing me how beautiful this world could be. For giving me your heart. You live forever in my soul.

I usually respond to your posts, but your beautiful tribute brought me to tears and I’m not sure I can compose a complete thought right now. I hope Paul is still finding a way to make you smile occasionally, even if it’s only because you’re remembering him.

Renee– Truly touched by the love you and Paul shared for one another. Thanks for impacting my nursing career, and inspiring all of us at Seidman. I think of you all often. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.