View User's Journal

I know I made typos, and I don't want to spend extra time to fix them.

I'm sitting here eating a fig newton in bed, at night,..

in the dark, and it hit me in a deja-vu way how suckish my outlook on life is right now, as well as the question of what parts of this outlook should I believe. So here is what I have gathered: my brother, who is probably the person I treasure the most, doesn't trust me and keeps me at arms length; I am in an on and off battle in figuring out whether or not I trust my bf; I have a traumatic past that I can't seem to shake, and my bf doesn't understand how it has affected me...probably because he doesn't care enough to look into it, or maybe because he is too scared to confront me with questions about it...he seems to have reached his own conclusions. I'll be applying for a new job once I have mastered my studies. This new job is going to make my resume, so I'm putting a lot of thought into it.
I want to lose weight and work out on a daily basis. My boyfriend told me that i am chubby and that he loves me, and that's some s**t...I don't wanna be chubby.
My eplicital is squeaky so I haven't used it lately....that and it's set up right next to where my roomie's study and lounge station is, and that is the spot that she's always at...and working out around her is awkward. Some days I think she semi-likes me, but most days I think she secretly scoffs at me to her friends.