19 comments:

I love that you get Prometheus in there. I can understand his reluctance to deliver cold fusion; angering Zuis the first time did not work out well for him. Is he still bound?http://thepoetsquill.wordpress.com/ Sorry for adding the link, but your version of Blogger doesn’t allow an automatic link to Wordpress where I have my poetry site. Rather than display my family site, I usually avoid replying, but I really like your writing and lurk on your site even if I don’t comment.

I agree that getting a little bit more of the position from which Prometheus is responding would add some strength to the voice. My tongue also trips a little over the archaism of 'Your wants you must temper' since most of the poem moves forward without unusual word order.

Mike, thank you for leaving me a comment. I didn't realize anyone was having trouble leaving comments. I will look into my comment settings, but I do have it set up with OpenID, which should be supported by your WordPress info, as I understand it. I'm glad you're enjoying my writing. While I appreciate comments, I'm glad people are reading my poems and enjoying them.

the Crow himself, thank you for your comments. When I revise this poem, I may even remove all the speaking cues: replied, stated, etc. That might force me to make the tone of Prometheus come through just in his words.I did deliberately order that line that way because I wanted to draw attention to the word temper - to improve the hardness and elasticity of a metal by reheating and then cooling. However, if the unusual word order is ineffective and readers miss the word emphasis, then I might change it.Thanks for your kind words. I'm glad you found it striking.