Chapter 13:“You know sometimes, with really successful people, I wonder if there’s a Cuck in the back of their head that thells them to do stuff.”

-Zer0

What’s up YouTube? It’s ya boi Simple Seth! I know you guys watched that new Sega Selects, so you’re as hyped as I am! Coming to your Q-Box it’s Sonic Dash! And yes, you heard that right, Sonic Dash- no number, no subtitle. It’s like the twelfth game in the series but whatever. That’s never gonna get confusing, am I right, fam?

So, with this announcement getting me hyped, I thought I’d make a video for all my Simple Sentries out there eager for those opinion nuggets you love. So, here’s my top 10 characters I wanna see in Sonic Dash for Q Box!

Number 10!

Mario! This one’s a no-brainer. Like, everybody was shocked to see him show up in the third game, but then he never showed his suspendered ass again! And that’s a crime. Come on Sega! I know Mario isn’t Sonic’s most notorious rival, but clear up that litigation, and let’s get him back in there.

Number 9!

Busy Bizzy Bee! Relegated to an assist attack for Slick Baboon, this long-standing member of the Sonic cast DESERVES to take a slot on the roster. I know you haters think this is because of my intense fetish for anthropomorphic insects, and I say to them 1) don’t kink shame and 2) that’s a goddamn lie!

Number 8!

Doctor Queenbee! Busy Bizzy Bee’s mom! She hasn’t been in a Sonic game since Sonic 2, but this fan-artist-favorite milf is well known for her kick ass attacks and dainty little feet. Don’t side-eye me haters, you don’t gotta have a very specific and hard to google fetish to appreciate a gal like this.