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.... and so far I'm doing pretty good. It's surreal, actually. In a way it seems like yesterday, in others it feels like a lifetime ago.

Mostly I'm trying to focus on the positive that came out of that day, as nuts as that probably sounds. Yes, it was the start of the most painful time in my life, but it was also the end of the second most painful time in my life: The time when I was so confused... when I felt crazy... when I felt helpless.... when I knew he was lying but his gaslighting left me doubting myself instead of him.... when life was a daily battle between the screaming gut, and the heart pleading with it to just shut the fuck up.

All that craziness ended on dday.

My life (MY life!) on hold all the time... waiting for him to call, to come home.... tears and angst as I pleaded with him to spend time with me.... utter sadness as he left anyway, always with something more important to do...

All that patheticness ended on dday.

On dday I got the truth. It was the most painful thing that's ever happened to me, but it was information I needed. That truth freed me from doubting myself. It validated everything I had been thinking and feeling for months. It gave me the strength I needed to confront him, and the true look into his soul that I needed to ultimately let him go and get on with my life. MY life.

Thank you, dday. For giving me what I needed, and setting me free from a man who is broken, and who was and IS never going to change. Thank you for not taking any longer than you did to come along, and for not waiting until I was too lost to find my way back to myself.

Me: Enjoying life
Him: Someone else's problem

Follow your heart, but take your brain with you. ~ Alfred Adler
Letting go of the outcome is about the most empowering thing you can do for yourself. ~ LosferWords

Posts: 1217 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Oregon

SBB♀ 35229Member # 35229

Posted: 5:32 PM, April 10th (Thursday), 2014

Ah, friend. I could have written much of your post a year ago.

It hurt to have those shackles removed because I'd been wearing them so long they had dug into my flesh. But they weren't of my flesh. The wounds healed - as have I.

I felt like I was living in some insane bubble of craziness. My gut was screaming at me for years and it was exhausting trying to quieten it. I cannot believe how miserable I allowed myself to become just to stay married to him.

That guy? THAT guy? That's the guy I was fighting to so hard for. Hell.No.

I too was freed on DD. It just took me a while to realise it. I don't even recognise that shell of a woman anymore. I wish I could reach out and hug her and tell her that she is going to be OK. So much more than OK.

[This message edited by SBB at 3:26 AM, April 11th (Friday)]

I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!