Monday, September 12, 2011

FAN PAGE FACEBOOK STATUS UPDATES:

____ The judge says I'm a repeat offender, but he always says that. (Nobo Dy)
____ You know those neighbors who spy on you and then blab to everyone else? My neighbors have one of those. (Rae Broman)
____ You can't force someone to love you. You can only stalk them and hope for the best. (Chris Hallman)
____ You know you're becoming antisocial when "Words with Friends" is even more then you want to do with your friends. (Tamara Robinson Hamilton)
____ Donated blood today. One lucky person will wake up from an operation with the sudden ability to walk into things and may feel a little hungover. (Kylie Toyne)
____ Facebook: a place where people announce their problems to the world but not to the person they have a problem with. (Donna Pedersen Watson Hudon)
____ If I were rich, I'd hire someone whose sole responsibility was to stand at tops of stairwells and high five me when I get to the top. (Leilani Christi)
____ has the attention span of a gnat on crack today. (Carrie Danley)
____ Remember the other day when I said you're nothing but a complete a**hole? Well, I just wanted to apologize for not emphasizing that enough. (Jacob Grant)
____ Speaking to another human being is my least favorite feature of my phone. (Nobo Dy)
____ is not rude...I just wasn't taught to politely pretend to be nice to people I can't stand. (Sharon Petracek)
____ Wouldn't it be nice if real life was like Facebook and you could just vanish from a conversation whenever you wanted? (Donny Norris)
____ The awkward moment when you put a new profile picture on Facebook, and someone "likes" your old one. (Enem Paul)
____ can't believe it's "school Moms forcing organic lunch recipes on each other" season already! (SamGirl Sunday)
____ would rather sit naked, on an iceberg, serenaded by Rebecca Black for the rest of my life than let anyone see the full history of things I've Googled. (Yuri Bee)
____ Screw you → you ↑ you ↗ you ↓ oh, and you↘. (Enem Paul)
____ Teenagers. They have been annoying me all summer long. Now they're back in school. So today on my lunch hour I drove circles around the high school laughing through a loud speaker. (Jacob Grant)
____ The only thing sexier than a girl wearing glasses is a girl wearing only glasses. (Adam Apple)
____ Amazing to think how far Facebook has come since first being designed as a new way for white people to brag about being at the beach. (Art Mabry)
____ Son-of-a-bitch! The Chinese food delivery guy just dropped my food all over my hallway, turned & ran away. There's schezuan chicken and hot & sour soup everywhere!! I gotta stop answering the door naked. (Jerry Pisano)