NOW: Lady Bunny, ‘That Ain’t No Lady’

Lady Bunny is like the Joan Rivers of drag queens. Always gigging—somewhere, anywhere—she almost seems afraid that the jobs will dry up if she ever stops working, that she’ll never get another booking again if she says no to a single show. Which would explain why the last time we saw her, she was performing on the tiny stage of the Manhattan gay bar Bartini and the time before that she was vogue-ing for her life, outfitted in a particolored caftan that would have made Joseph (of the Amazing Technicolored Dreamcoat) proud, while spinning tunes at the Friday-night homosoiree RockIt, back when it was in the basement of Dream Hotel in Midtown.

Bunny’s returned to a basement again for her latest show, “That Ain’t No Lady,” an X-rated, bodily-fluid-filled tour de force that a reviewer for the New York Times claimed made him “weep with laughter.” THE NEW YORK TIMES! In a review they ran on Christmas friggin’ Day!! Our mother probably read it!!! She may even have considered coming in from the suburbs to see the show based on this endorsement.

Well, the paper is also known as The Gray Lady, after all.

If there is one thing Lady Bunny is not, however, it is gray. Or beige. She’s best described as blue. Not in the sad sense—she’s anything but—but in the sense of “working blue,” that fabulously antiquated phrase that refers to comedy that is (as Wikipedia confirms) “off-color, indecent, profane, or obscene. It often contains profanity and/or sexual imagery that shocks.”

Well, I mean, if you find Clamato juice used as fake menstrual blood (“For that extra hint of realness,” Bunny proclaims) or Far East Mafia’s “Like a G6” rewritten and performed as “I Sucked His Cheese Dick” to be obscene and shocking, then, I guess, that’s what this is. And you probably should avoid this show.

But, you’re on this site and you’re reading this blog and you’ve gotten this far into this post, so we’re guessing you’d like to learn more. Herewith, our 10 favorite Bunnyisms:

1. Bunny on Urban Renewal: “That’s why I’m doing this show here. To bring trash back to Times Square.”

2. Bunny on Method Acting and Verisimilitude: “I don’t use tomato juice for menstrual blood. I use Clamato juice. For that extra touch of realness.”

3. Bunny on Her Loving Drag Sisters: “I told RuPaul to act her age and she died.”

4. Bunny on Gay Conversion Therapy: “Rosie O’Donnell’s taking a new drug for depression. It’s called tricoxagain.” (Say it out loud.)

5. Bunny on Nutrition: “I tried that Crystal Meth diet to help me lose weight. It just made me eat faster.”

6. Bunny on Nostalgia: “Here I am in Times Square, on my knees, covered in cum and holding a dildo. It reminds me of summer camp. I’m Catholic.”

7. Bunny on Madonna: “Madonna has the body of a man half her age. She stopped eating pussy when she became a Jew. Too close to the gas chamber.”

8. Bunny on the Power of Activism: “But we’re not going to talk about politics because we’re gay and we like makeovers.”

9. Bunny on Preparedness: “I didn’t know this show was going to run past November. So I have a medley to do for the encore. But it’s a Christmas medley.” (This in the middle of January.)

10. Bunny on People Who Say “Bless You” in Response to Anything Other Than a Sneeze: “The only thing worse is people who say, ‘Have a blesséd day.’ That means they’ve actually burnt a cross in someone’s yard.”