If you’re in Barcelona and thought that your city was under attack by a herd of rabid goats, there’s no need to sit in fear and wait until they chew you alive. It wasn’t a herd of rabid goats, it was just Shakira letting out a goat wail while giving birth to her first kid (see what I did there?). Shakira and her big peened piece Gerard Piqué are parents to a baby boy who weighed in at 6lbs. 6oz. Somebody posted this announcement on Shakira’s website today:

We are happy to announce the birth of Milan Piqué Mebarak, son of Shakira Mebarak and Gerard Piqué, born January 22nd at 9:36pm, in Barcelona, Spain.

The name Milan (pronounced MEE-lahn), means dear, loving and gracious in Slavic; in Ancient Roman, eager and laborious; and in Sanskrit, unification.

Just like his father, baby Milan became a member of FC Barcelona at birth.

The hospital confirmed that the couple’s first child weighed approximately 6lbs. 6 ounces, and that both mother and child are in excellent health.

I see them trying to act like they named Milan after a Slavic meaning, but they can’t fool me. Minutes before Shakira shook Baby Milan out of her body (like this), a long table with RuPaul and the other RuPaul’s Drag Race judges behind it rolled out and RuPaul announced, “London, Paris, MEE-LAHN!” And out sashayed Baby Milan. They didn’t name Milan after a Slavic meaning. They named Milan after Milan from Drag Race, obviously. Your hips might not lie, Shakira, but your baby name announcements do!

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