Well, a top psychologist in the UK has warned that middle-class parents are damaging their children by not being able to say “no”.

Dr Amanda Gummer, a research psychologist who specialises in child development writes in The Daily Mail: “Wild, unruly children are increasingly likely to be the progeny of so-called ‘helicopter’ parents, those who give intensive, one-on-one attention to their child and pander to their every whim, fuelling a ‘little emperor syndrome.’

Speaking specifically about middle class parents, she adds, “They are ruthlessly ambitious for their child’s future – failing to realise how badly their mollycoddling is preparing them for the compromises of real life. While we’ve long known this hovering parenting style can create children unable to make decisions or exhibit independence, what’s less often discussed is how aggressive and difficult the children of helicopter parents… can be at school.”

Dr Amanda Gummer specialises in child development. Source: Supplied

They can't cope with being number one

Why do they struggle? Gummer suggests this is because they struggle to cope with not being number one. The classroom is a strange and challenging environment for them, as they’re not used to sharing attention. They’re not used to boundaries and rules.

She says it’s one of the many reasons why teachers are losing control of classrooms. “Too many of these children have never heard the word ‘no’ leveled at them at home,” she says.

Boundaries need to be set

Setting boundaries – and stick to them – is, of course, a crucial part of parenting. Easier said than done?

Kay Foster, mother of three from Queensland says, “I have three boys. Two live full-time with me and our rules are pretty firm and consistent. I do struggle to with the youngest son, who I share custody with 50/50 with his father. I know I should treat them all exactly the same, I love them all as much, but there is part of me that wants him to be especially happy when he’s with me. It’s not like I’m letting him run riot around the house, but I think I’m probably a bit softer. I do worry that he’s becoming more difficult to manage.”

Academically to socially

A teacher at a NSW school tells Kidspot, “Helicopter parents who do not say no to children have an unrealistic perception of their children in the classroom. They hold firm to the belief that their children can do no wrong. It’s as if their academic success – or lack of success – is no fault of theirs, but sits at the feet of everyone else. They’re a nightmare to deal with.

She said: "I’ve been teaching for over ten years and it’s definitely got worse. Children who expect everything to be given to them lack certain social cues, they also lack motivation in class and coping mechanisms. You can see how it affects the child in several ways right through from academically to socially. They’re more awkward to deal with on both levels. Some examples of this would include children who refuse to do the work you’ve requested. Simple as that, they are the ones who are used to saying no but not hearing it. And yes, teachers get that a lot.

"Then what are you going to do? Try to have that conversation with the parents? Often the children of helicopter parents want constant attention which makes it difficult managing a whole class, as it’s often just not possible – or fair to the other students. They also often lack capability in independent work.”

Parents need to enforce discipline at home to give teachers a chance at controlling the classroom. It also seems that discipline will make children adapt in social situations too. This is why parents must tell their children, ‘no’. Much as it’s hard telling your child they can’t do, have, watch or say something, the benefits are extensive.

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