“Martin Luther King famously proclaimed ‘I have a dream,’ not ‘I have an issue.’ “ – Van Jones

You’ve probably heard the saying “You are what you think.” In coaching, I pay attention to the way people think about things; their mindset. The challenge with mindset is that it’s driven by thoughts and sometimes our beliefs are true and other times they areimaginary stories we tell ourselves.But how do we know if our mindset is getting in the way of our success?When I meet a client who’s feeling stuck, overwhelmed, unsuccessful or just fed up with life, the mindsets below are ruling their existence. Do any of these ring true for you? Consider alternate ways to free yourself from these faulty ways of thinking.

I dislike failure – even when there is a lesson with it – therefore it stands to reason I dislike New Year’s resolutions.There is a belief that the New Year is the perfect time to pursue new goals and dreams. This belief is so strong people make the same resolutions every year and truthfully believe “This year will be different!”Researcher John Norcross found that about 50% of the population makes resolutions every single year and out of that group, 92% fail!So, why such a high rate of failure? Are we just weak and lazy?Resolutions are considered “cultural procrastination” according to Timothy Pychyl, a psychology professor at Carleton University. But the problem is that people use resolutions to change habits they are neither ready nor committed to address, therefore they fail.Looking back, whenever I found myself sliding just two weeks into the new year (think losing weight, start lifting heavy, stop drinking completely, stick to my budget, start a budget, etc.) I realize that my resolutions were unrealistic and out of alignment with who I wanted to be as a person.

We’ve all had them at one time or another: The Bad Boss. It’s not that they’re bad people, it’s that their style of doing things doesn’t click with you and the gulf between your philosophies can quickly become an abyss if you don’t learn how to pro-actively handle your disagreements. You’ve worked hard to get where you are and probably look at your boss and think that they may not deserve to be where they are. That’s OK, but you need to tell yourself to let go of any resentment or your performance could suffer. Whether you’re correct or not about your boss’s ability doesn’t matter. You have to work with the person – and take direction from them – every day. If you are a high performer you don’t want to sit idly by and watch things go in the wrong direction, but approaching your boss when there are differences can be an art form unto itself.

Pre-Confrontation

Put Yourself in Their Shoes – You’re not the only one who has to take direction. Is the direction, policy or initiative they are implementing or enforcing their idea or are they being forced to follow someone else’s lead? Is there somebody above their head pulling strings and you

When I was younger this topic made me very uncomfortable. I believed that by “serving others” while neglecting my own needs, desires, opinions and ideas I would gain love, appreciation, respect and admiration. I was setting me up for big disappointment. Admirable people like Mother Theresa, Martin Luther King, Gandhi, Nelson Mandela, Jesus, the Dalai Lama (and many others) share several personality traits like charisma, assertiveness, courage, conviction, passion, resiliency, etc. They all knew exactly what they wanted and did not settle for less. They never compromised their opinions and rarely experienced insecurities or self-doubt. They all respected themselves. What’s the opposite? The absence of self-love. When we feel indecisive, full of doubt or we are self-critical we exhaust ourselves and diminish the possibility of moving towards our goals, desires and passions. Even worse, when self-love is totally lacking we can end up depressed, constantly sad or in a bad mood, never happy with whom we are and we may even exhibit self-loathing. I am inviting you to take a few minutes to think about this. Where are you in the self love spectrum? Do you have a story to share? Do you disagree? Please leave me your comment and let’s start this conversation! Mari Pizarro