(Closed) Dad's family boycotting wedding

Hey bees, just looking for a place to vent, find some sympathy, and see how other people have dealt with disapproval from family.

I just found out today that my Dad’s side of the family (his sister, husband, and all their children) aren’t attending my wedding. They told my grandma, who told my mom…I just sent out save the dates last month, but of course I haven’t heard anything from them directly. We’re not super-close with that side of the family because my Dad is a staunch athiest biologist and they ALL belong to a very strict, very devout, very inflexible branch of Christianity. Obviously that’s their choice, and there’s no animosity, just not a lot in common.

They have all unilaterally decided not to come because the wedding is on a Sunday. They could easily attend an early service and still make the ceremony (I checked the schedule of the church they attend when they visit my grandma in my hometown, where the wedding is held) or attend their usual time service and still make the reception. This is obviously not the case of a legitimate schedule conflict that they would compromise on to still support me and my Dad, but a sweeping statement of disapproval that my wedding is not important, or probably even valid in their eyes. It’s my Dad’s ONLY sibling, his only living family besides his mother. But we did everything “wrong” in their eyes, by living together before we’re married, not having the ceremony in a church, etc. And my fiance and I don’t attend church, although I doubt they know that for sure. I mean I was a flower girl in the wedding of one of these cousins, have been to all the others! I’m just so astounded and hurt.

I’m usually a pretty “if you don’t like me, f*** off” kind of person, so I’m surprised by how deeply upset I am, particularly because we sort of worried this might happen. Although, it’s a relief to know now instead of at the RSVP deadline. Has anyone else run into this kind of thing? Did you still send them an invitation, even if you know they’re not coming? Would I be justified in writing a (slightly passive aggressive) but still sweet note in their invite packet saying that “we respect and understand your deep committment to your faith, but would still love to see you at the reception after church!” just to rub it in a teeny bit that they’re blowing us off? Any suggestions with how to forgive rude, hypocritical, and hurtful family?

I think that that note would be appropriate but then again stuff like this really grinds my gears so maybe I’m biased. Are you feeling that Christian love yet? 😉

In all seriousness I’m very sorry that your family is being so judgemental, but at the end of the day the bigger of a deal you make it the more it’s going to feel like their choices make an impact on you. Don’t give them the satisfaction. I think a polite “I’m sorry that you are missing our special day, you are of course welcome at our reception later on in the day even if you cannot make the ceremony. Please let me know if you would like any further information” note would be totally okay.

@batwoman: thanks for the advice. This stuff is super offensive to me, too—generally, not just when it’s affecting me! The worst part is it’s making me second-guess our Sunday wedding, which is the only way we could afford a larger family celebration. We’re saving THOUSANDS of dollars and I’m getting the (budget) wedding of my dreams, plus no one in the wedding has to miss work if they don’t want to becase of travel to a Friday rehearsal dinner…we felt so good about our choice and now it’s backfiring.

@Valdrine: It isn’t backfiring! If they wanted to make it they easily could. If you had booked your wedding on a Saturday they would have just come up with a different excuse. The day is just a convenient thing for them to blame it on, don’t let their poor decision make you feel bad!

There’s nothing you can do about this. I’m sorry that their judgement is casting a shadow on your special day. I find this type of “Christian” behavior deeply upsetting as a devout Christian myself. It’s not the point of the faith AT ALL. Love is.