Month: March, 2012

This weekend has been an emotional rollercoaster in many ways. I was in my grandfathers funeral on Friday. It was very, very sad. It was also very nice and honorable, with many speeches and beautiful music. My cousin plays violin, and he played the “Song From a Secret Garden”. I can’t describe how beautiful and sad that was. Just look at the video of that song (that’s not my cousin playing, but a nice version).

I am very proud of myself, because I helped carry his coffin out of the curch, to the graveyard. After the funeral, we had a memorial, where many people where togheter, people had speeches, told funny stories from his old days, and we ate good food. It was more good than sad, and it was amazing to see how many people who loved him. I think it’s a very few in his age, that have almost a full curch, and so many people to the memorial.

The reason for the “Emotional Rollercoaster” is that I got some very exciting news on Friday to. As you may have read before, my plan was to become an exchange student this fall. And I have probably got a family. And it seems perfect for me! My highest wish was to be placed a place where I could swim, and near a big city. And guess what? A girl in my age was contacting me, and she said that she thougt I was going to be their exchangestudent. She is a swimmer, and the school has a 50m pool. And the family lives just a few minutes from Indianapolis. It couldn’t be better!

Nothing is official yet, so it’s absolutley not sure that I will end up there. But I have been soo excited. And I had such a good feeling. I wasn’t sure I wanted to do the exchange anymore, but now I do! It’s just my health that has made me feel that way, because this is really what I dream of. I just have to see if I will recover more soon.

Today I wanted to talk about hate. The huge reason for why I choose this picture, is because maaaaaaany people “hate” Justin Bieber. First of all, I gotta say, I LOOOOOVE HIM!!!! Hahahhaha Yes, I am one of those “Belibers” 😛 Many people might find this very “jailbait” ( do you use that word? In Norway, that is the term of girls who act very childish, but at the same time trying to be like adults). We might lose some followers or readers because of this post, but the theme of the post is hate. Why do we hate people? Is it because of jealousy? Anger? The satisfaction by promote yourself as a better person? To be honest, I think it is jealousy. When we are jealous, negative thoughts spin inside our heads. We think “why doesn’t I have that?”, “why is he/she better than me?”, “I wanna be like her” etc… Only negative thoughts. And that ruins a lot! Mostly, it ruins for ourself.

So back to Justin Bieber. It is perfectly legally to don’t like an artists music. It is normal, and acceptable. But, why hate him? He is only 18 years old. He is still a teenager, and he has been criticiced since he was 14 and posted his music videos on Youtube. He was in a vulnerable age, and no wonder he had so many negative thoughts. He has achieved lot, he has won several prices, released many albums and he has a great voice (I think so, and 40 million other people). My point is, to all of you haters, why even bother to hate him? You use incredible lot of energy, in a negative way, that only cause you more negative things… And yes, I do “hate” some artists myself… I need to let go of these thoughts.

I like to be good at something, and I absolutley love to be the best. Therefore I try to do a lot of the things I’m good at, to strenghten my confidence. But it’s also important to do things you are not so good at, or have to work hard with, because nothing is better than the sense of achievement. You can of course live your life within your little comfort sone, but if you dare to challenge yourself, you will experience that you can do so much more. If you really want to,you can do it!

This is one of the keys to success.

Are you staying in your comfort zone, or are you challenging yourself? Ever had an great feeling of achievement before?

I really love that picture. Hahaha today, I thought of something (I know, I think to much) that I really care about other peoples opinion. The other day I ordered some shorts from Runwaydreamz (birthday present), and when I showed my mother the shorts I had selected, she said “you can find much better shorts to such a lower price than that!” But I loved them, and I ordered them. If this situation happened some years ago, I probably wouldn’t have ordered them. Well, when it comes to my family, I don’t care about situations that silly, when it comes to clothes, shoes and looks, thats my descision, so I can laugh at it when I get older 😛 Either way, I am one of those people who care alot of what people think. If I for an example feel healthy, and someone says “Marte, you look sick!”, I start to think “Ohhh no, do I??” And as a result, I get sick. According to the law of attraction, If you say “I don’t want to sick”, you do get sick, because the law does not answer to words like no, don’t or other negative words. The law responses to what you are thinking of and what you want, but if you use negative words, you will get that too. What I am trying to say is, do we really need other peoples opinion? Do we need other people to approve what we are thinking and mean? I don’t see the point, we are supposed to be independent people with our own opinions, and even though the society says something else, we are not suppose to care… BUT WE DO! If someone said to me that I was a mean person, I would have thought of it, even though that I know that I am not. It is like poison, it brings no good.and spreads quickly. Therefore, when I saw this picture on weheartit, I instantly liked it. If we care less, smile more and try to feel good ( which is very important for receiving things), we will:
1. Feel better about ourself.
2. Get a higher confidence.
3. Laugh more.
4. Be more spontanius.
5. Receive more.

The biggest part of the Secret, is btw to feel good. And those tips seem very smart 🙂

I had to take a sad goodbye today. I woke up to the message that my grandad was dead. It wasn’t coming like a big suprise, he was 90 years old, had not eat, just been sleeping the last days. But still, it’s impossible to prepare for a loss of a person who means a lot to you. He was soo funny, nice, caring and wise. He had always a comment ready, and he kept his humor until the last days. But he was tired, and the body was not with him anymore. He spent his last year or two at a nursinghome, were he was very good taken care of.

It’s very sad and empty now, but in a natural way. There are a few things everyone have to go through, to be born, and to die. It is the circle of life. I read this a few months ago in the book Black Mamba Boy, and I remembered it today: ” Sometimes the dead are more alive than the living, no-one really dies, not while there are people who remember and cheris them”. It’s beautiful and very true.

It ha been a tough day though, we went to the smalltown me dad is from, where we met my aunts and uncles. I have seen one dead person before, that eas my grandmother, but that’s many years ago. The first minutes was very intense, and scary, his skin was turning almost yellow, and he did not look like my grandfather. At first, but after a while, I could see how peaceful he was. One of the sadest moments was when one of my aunts (wich has a kind of brain injury, so she is more like 10 years old, than a 50 years old), was going to say bye to her dad. The night before she said something like “Poor, sweet dad. He is going to Jesus soon”, but she was also worried because he could not drink milk. Even though the situation was sad, you have to smile of her sometimes. Today my dad said “He is dead now, he is not breathing anymore. He is in heaven, with mom now.” And she was like “No, he is not, he is lying right there, don’t you see?”.

Later we went up to church with the coffin, and had a small cermony with a open coffin. He was so peacefull with a beautiful flower in his folded hands, from his own garden. I am not very religious, but at that moment, when I looked at him, I could see that he was at a better place now, and that it has to be something more after the life on earth.

I’m sure that he was not afraid of dying. My grandmother died six years ago, his four brothers are dead, and many of his friends. He was also very religious, so he knew that he was going to a better place. And if there are such as heaven, he is the first one to get in. He worked most of his life in church, and has lived a great life. He has lived a good life, he has 5 children, 11 grandchildren and 3 great-grandchildren. I love my family soo much, and I’m sure that he was proud of it.

Last night, I couldn’t sleep. To many thoughts spinned inside my head. To be honest, I was negative. I thought of all the people I was jealous about and in the end, I became upset. Everyone has those days, right? 🙂 Well, because I couldn’t sleep, I started to read the Secret. The thing about the Secret, is that unmatter how many times I descide to finish it, I never do. I think I have started to read it like four times, but last night, I finally finished. The reason for why I never finished, was because it is a lot of info, and your mind and way of thinking totally change during the book. It is a lot to handle in short time, therefore, I like to read small pieces from it day to day.

Nevertheless, when I thought those negative thoughts, I started to think about compliments. Many people say that one bad comment, measure up 100 good compliments. And I agree on that one. It is hard to think positive thoughts about yourself, and the reason is that you don’t want to seem superior. You don’t want people to think that you think that you are better than someone else. Therefore, we start to think negative thoughts and negative things about ourself. THIS IS WRONG! It totally destroyes your confidence, and ability to be satisfied with yourself as a person in this world.

For some years ago, I had a fight with my bestfriend (not Kristin). We fought and argued and we sad some really bad things to each other. It ended up that we both said things we never should have said, and when we became friends, I never really forgot the thing she said about me. Unmatter how many times she apologized, I couldn’t forget it. I know she said it just to hurt me, but it felt like she stabbed me in my heart. Now I laugh at the whole situation. We were young, and childish. And we are good friends today.

But, why is it that we always think about the negative? It totally destroyes everything! People must learn to accept compliments, and to give! A small thing you notice, for an example: “You look great today” can really brightend your day up. At least mine do. When people say positive things about me, I embrace it. I remember it, and I really appriciate it. It makes me feel good. That people think something good about me, and see me as something positive.
And really, people who say something bad about you and doesn’t even know you, they are the weird ones. It is very hard to just accept that some people think you are something that you’re not, but that is their descision, and their problem. If they really want to spend their energy thinking something of you that you’re not, that is up to them. I need to learn this too.

I love this song. It’s beautiful, but I can’t decide if it is sad or not. I think the song is about this little girl, who had big dreams, and expected the world to come to her. Then she grew up, and reality hit her. The song is very touching for me, because I can relate to it so easily, especially after the last year. I have always been a dreamer, and I’m still. But life looks less complicated when you are little.

This is a picture of one of the moments I felt I almost was in paradise. On a beautiful beach, on an island in Malaysia. I am very lucky to have the opportunity to travel.

Do you have a song who means something special to you? And where is your paradise?

When I turned on the TV today, I watched MTV’s program called “I used to be fat”. I really like that program. It is about teenagers who struggle with something, and have started to use food as a way to deal with things. As a result, they are very heavy. During the show, we see that they struggle to fight. They think they are not strong enough. They begin questioning their will, and what power it has. That is why I really like that show, because in the end, they all achieve what they want, and they relaize that they can do whatever they want. I think that is amazing. Confidence, and know that you have a power inside you, that doesn’t only bring things into your life, but it helps you do the things you are afraid of and accomplice what you want. Because face it, everyone has a picture of how your life should be. At least I do. Today my goals are to be as good as I can be in swimming, get good enough grades to go to lawschool, get the fit body I always have wanted, be more spontanenous, judge less, bless more and think more positive thoughts. During the years, I have realized that willpower is a huge thing. When I went to primaryschool I didn’t had any confidence, and I honestly thought that I was useless. Probably because I struggled with reading and writing, I sucked gymclass and I wasn’t satisfied with my self.

I remember one day when we sat in a group at school, and everyone were supposed to say something good about someone else. When it was my turn to receive a compliment, people said that I was sweet. Sweet doesn’t exactly say something about what I am good at, so when I went home, I descided that now I wanted to be good at school and be better at sports. And I did. When it was time for me to begin in 8th grade, I was one of the smartest and the strongest in gymclass. I succeded because of my willpower.

So today, when I saw these teenagers, at the same age as me, I remembered that I can do whatever I want. I have a strong willpower, and this has grown in me for the last years. If I really want to do something, I do it. Nothing can ever stop me, if I really want something 🙂 I like that thought 🙂 It makes me happy and positiv, and the same comes to you! You just need to make a choice that you want it 🙂

Todays compliment: I have nice blue eyes with sunflowers in the middle 🙂

That I actually had this little feeling of happiness today. I was swimming, the sun was shining through the windows, and I felt better! Not a big change, but I felt that my body was playing on my team today, not against me. This week has been one of the best since I got sick in October. I went to swimpractice three times (only a few meters compared to what I usually do, but still). Maybe The Secret is starting to work, or the acupuncture, the healthy pills, or the fact that we made this blog and have got soo many beautiful comments and advices? It’s probably a combination.

The first thing that I thought of this morning was my homework. The feeling that I am done with everything that needs to be done 🙂 What a wonderful feeling. Not only have I satisfied my parents, teachers, grandparents and my classmates, but I have finished what the society expects from me. Let me repeat; what a wonderful feeling!

If you think about it, there are many expectations to you as a person in this world. We must have good grades, look beautiful, be smart, be social, be kind, lovely, be good at sports and of course be a normal functional person in the society. I have always struggled with this. My father, which I do look very up to, even though he has hurt me and my family, were perfect, and I have always heard that. In Norway, we have a different gradesystem than in Britain and the USA, as I am aware of. We have grades from 1- 6, 6 is the best and 1 is the worst. My dad graduated with 6.0. He was also very talented in football, and people look very up too him. In 10th grade, I did graduated as one of the best with 5.4, but I felt it wasn’t enough.. Not only do I work hard at school, but I train every day and work as a swimcoach and as newspaper seller. And the reason is because of expectations. The society wants us to be barbies, with no flaws or failures. It is truly exhausting. As the years have past, I have got a better confidence. I don’t always see flaws and things that needs to be better anymore, because we all have our good days, right? Well, I don’t look like Victoria’s Secret models, and I don’t have the perfect body. More than anything I wan’t to look secure when I am in a bikini, and no, I am far from being fat, but I don’t have the “perfect look” either. I guess, that because of our high demands, we feel pressured. At least I do. I don’t feel perfect, and unmatter how flawless I want to be, or how dressed up I am, I can still find flaws. The weird thing though, is that I don’t really find huge flaws about others. I only care about myself. I am not good enough, not good enough to be a barbie.

One other thing, is that I don’t want to let people down. There are many times that I just want to screw school, and “flow with the wind”, but I can’t do that.. I want to be lawyer. A succeded person. My father and mother always brag about me, and I know that they are very proud of me. When I get grade 4, they support me, but it is not a good grade. I get disapointed, and I feel that 4 is like 1. Even 5 isn’t good enough, only 6.. Because of those feelings, I get disapoined, a lot.

I do think this as something to do with happiness. I have been through some tough times, and because of that, I have felt very insecure. I want to make everyone satisfied, especially my parents, because of everything that as happened. If everyone in the society expected less, I do think that we would have been more satisfied with our self. It is a positive thing though, to push yourself, but make sure that you don’t get exhausted. Been there, done that, and this is still something I need to work on.

Therefore, to build myself a better confidence, I will start to say something positive about myself everyday and in every post I post on this blog. Not to brag about myself, but to prove that this “perfect society” is bullshit, and that EVERYONE should be satisfied with themselfes.

I am very good at giving compliments to others, haha 🙂

You should give yourself a compliment, you will feel better 🙂 And, don’t think that I don’t like my job or swimming, I LOVE IT, but sometimes, we all can be a little tired 🙂