LGBTQ Survivors

Substance Abuse and Violence Prevention
Counseling Center
State University of New York at Fredonia
Fredonia, NY 14063
Ph: 673-3424julie.bezek@fredonia.edu

Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer Survivors

Dating Violence - Abusive Relationships - Rape & Sexual Assault

This section deals with the specific concerns members of the LGBTQ community may have
regarding sexual assault and dating violence. The CEASE program of Student Counseling Services provides services to all students, regardless of their
gender, sexual orientation, or gender identity.

Dating Violence in LGBTQ Communities

Research estimates that 25% to 33% of LGBT relationships are abusive (the same percentage
as in straight relationships). Abusive LGBT relationships have the same dynamics of
power and control as straight relationships, but frequently go undetected and unreported.
Because of this, abuse in LGBT relationships can seem like a hidden problem. Attitudes
like "women don't hurt each other" or "a fight between two men is a fair fight" can
keep people from recognizing abuse. Some abusers threaten to "out" the victim to parents,
friends or employers. A victim may be afraid to get help, worried that the police
and counseling services will be homophobic and insensitive. This page provides LGBT
resources and links for survivors and information on how to help a friend.

The CEASE program of Student Counseling Services provides advocacy services to all
survivors, regardless of their gender, sexual orientation, or gender identity.

Warning Sign of Abusive/Violent Relationships:

Click here for more information on recognizing abusive behaviors in a relationship.

Are there differences in the type of dating violence experienced in LGBTQ relationships?

Dating violence is always the responsibility of the abuser, regardless of the gender
or gender identity of the abuser or the type of relationship. But abusers may use
a person’s identity as a way to abuse or control a person who identifies as lesbian,
gay, bisexual, transgender, or queer. For example, an abuser may use threats of outing
a partner’s sexual orientation, gender identity, or HIV status to further control
the person they are hurting.

What should I do if I'm being abused?

It's important to know that violence/abuse is not likely to stop on its own - episodes
of violence usually become more frequent and more severe. The CEASE program can assist
you:

Campus, Education, Awareness, Support, and Effect (CEASE) is the Violence Prevention - Victim Services program at Fredonia. The program is
coordinated through the Counseling Center and works to prevent sexual assault, relationship
violence, and stalking and provide advocacy services to students who are survivors
of interpersonal violence. CEASE provides survivors (and individuals assisting survivors)
with emotional support, someone to talk to, and referrals for medical and legal options;
in a setting that is non-judgmental. The CEASE Program does not tell survivors what
to do; instead we offer options that are available to you. CEASE services are free
and confidential. We serve all survivors of interpersonal violence, regardless of
their gender, sexual orientation, or gender identity. We highly encourage survivors
to contact the CEASE program; coping with an abusive or violent relationship can be
a very difficult and confusing process.

Contact CEASE: For more information on the CEASE Program call us at 673-3424, stop by our office
in LoGrasso Hall, or email the CEASE Coordinator, Julie.Bezek@fredonia.edu.

What can someone do if they are being abusive?

Stop using abuse of any form (physical, sexual, verbal or emotional), including threats
and intimidation.

Accept responsibility for your behavior. Remember that the use of violence is a choice
and you can choose to change that behavior.

Do not make excuses for your violence or blame your partner for your abusive behavior.

Seek professional help from a qualified counselor who is knowledgeable about partner
abuse and has experience working with the LGBTQ community.

Alcohol, drug use or mental health problems may make abusive situations worse but
they are not excuses for abusive behavior.

How can I help a friend who's in an abusive relationship?

Many people in abusive relationships will turn to a trusted friend first. Here are
some ways you can offer support:

Your friend's first step to safety could be you letting them know that they are not
alone and that they are not crazy. Let your friend know that many people experience
abuse and that there are resources where they can get help.

Be supportive and respectful. Make clear statements about your friend's value and
rights as a person, such as "No one deserves to be abused."

Don't criticize the abuser. A victim often has conflicting feelings about the abusive
partner. If you're critical the victim may become defensive or shut down. Instead,
talk about negative behaviors by saying something like, "I'm really concerned about
how your partner treats you. Nobody has the right to put someone else down."

Encourage your friend to make a safety plan if they have decided to leave the relationship.
Your part in a safety plan can include walking home together, checking in at certain
times of the day, and having a code word your friend can use if they need immediate
help.

Do not confront the abuser. This can result in an escalation of violence against the
victim.

Do not slip a referral card or any other information about abuse into someone's bag
or under a door. If the abuser finds this, it can also escalate the violence against
the victim.

Do not send a voicemail message or an email message about the abuse to your friend.
You do not know if the abuser is monitoring the phone or the computer.

Be careful for yourself. Let your friend know what you are comfortable doing and what
your boundaries are. You can also get support for yourself from the resources on and
off-campus that are listed below.

The Gay Men's Domestic Violence Project: This grassroots, nonprofit organization provides community education and direct
services for clients. GMDVP offers shelter, guidance and resources to allow gay, bisexual
and transgender men in crisis to leave violent situations and relationships.

The Network/La Red: This program offers free services in English and Spanish for lesbians, bisexual women
and transgender people who are victims of battering. These services include a hotline,
emergency shelter and advocacy programs.

National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) TTY: 1-800-787-3224. The National Domestic Violence Hotline
provides anonymous crisis intervention, information about domestic violence and referrals
to local services. The hotline advocates can answer calls in English and Spanish and
have access to translators in 139 languages.

Rape & Sexual Assault in the LGBTQ Community

Sexual assault and rape can happen to anyone, regardless of your gender, sexual orientation,
or gender identity. This section contains information specifically for LGBTQ survivors
of sexual assault and rape. Assault may have been same-sex or perpetrated as a hate
crime, directed against the survivor’s sexual orientation or gender identity as perceived
by the perpetrator.

Sexual assault is any unwanted or forced sexual contact. It can be committed by the
use of threats or force or when someone takes advantage of circumstances that render
a person incapable of giving consent, such as intoxication. Sexual assault can include
unwanted touching, fondling, or groping of the body including the vagina, penis, scrotum
or buttocks. Rape is any kind of sexual assault that involves forced vaginal, oral,
or anal sex, including any amount of penetration of the vagina, anus, or mouth with
a body part or any other object.

Common Myths about LGBTQ sexual assault and rape:

Myth: A woman can’t rape another woman.

Reality: While the majority of perpetrators of sexual assault are male, the idea that woman-on-woman
sexual assault does not occur is only a product of gender role stereotypes that encourage
the idea that women are never violent. This stereotype can make it less likely that
women who were sexually assaulted by another woman will be believed by those around
her. It can also make a survivor who has believed that women are nonviolent feel
disillusioned that she has experienced violence from a woman.

Myth: Gay men are sexually promiscuous and are always ready for sex.

Reality: Men who identify as gay, like all people, have the right to say no to sex at any
time and have that respected. Because of the stereotypes that many people have about
gay men’s sexual availability, however, it may be more difficult for a gay man to
convince others that he was assaulted.

Myth: Bisexuals are kinky anyway, and sexual assault for them is just rough sex that
got out of hand.

Reality: Bisexuality reflects a sexual orientation, not sexual practices. Bisexuals,
like heterosexuals, practice a wide range of sexual behaviors, and, for bisexuals,
like for heterosexuals, rough sex and a sexual assault are two very different things.
Because of stereotypes about bisexuals, they, too, may have difficulty being believed
about a sexual assault.

Myth: When a woman claims domestic abuse by another women, it is just a catfight.
Similarly, when a man claims domestic abuse by another man, it is just two men fighting.

Reality: The idea that women entice men to rape them or that they really want it is also not
true. No person deserves to be raped, and no person asks to be raped or wants it.
This myth again shows the extent to which sexual assault is sexualized in our society.
Women may experience a sexual assault, no matter what they are wearing, and what
the victim was wearing in no way makes her⁄him responsible for the assault.

As with all cases of sexual assault, these myths can only be dispelled when they are
replaced by truth. This requires that members of the LGBT community and heterosexual
allies speak out and acknowledge sexual assault and domestic violence within the LGBT
community, in order to both prevent future assaults and to provide competent and compassionate
care to survivors.

What to if you have been sexually assaulted or raped:

You can find information on what do if you have been sexually assaulted by clicking
here.