Week 10 of the Year of Fear: A PBJ & Getting Complacent

For those of you who are confused as to why I appear to have a fear of sandwiches, I will explain. As someone living/struggling with or recovering from an eating disorder, there are some foods that I associate with weight gain/failure/fatness (etc.). Unless I have a specific reason (say a year long project say), I tend to avoid these fear foods at all costs. So, since peanut butter, bread and full sugar jam are all fear foods of mine, I figured I would ‘smoosh‘ them all together in a sandwich and conquer my very own fear food trifecta.

I tried to stay as close to what I would consider a “classic” PB&J for this challenge. I had white bread, highly processed and sweetened creamy peanut butter (Jif) and full sugar strawberry jam. I know I might be raising the hackles of those who are grape jelly purists but I’ve always been partial to strawberry so I’m sticking to my sticky guns on this one.

I was very methodical with my sandwich engineering. I played out two slices of the whitest, most pillowy soft bread I could find side by side. Then, I laid down a layer 2 tablespoons thick of over-processed peanut paté — just trying to class up the joint with my 12 years of schooling in a french immersion program–onto said bread. The final accessory was a tablespoon of ruby red strawberry jam and the fundamentals where in place. Finally I closed my creation like an edible book. Voilà! One peanut butter and jelly/jam sandwich at your service!

No crusts of course 😉

I don’t really remember how it tasted in the end. I think I mentally blocked out the experience. I was pretty scared about this fear. I have so many negative associations with what most people consider “normal” pantry staples so it’s hard to explain just how hard this was for me. But, I did it! I don’t know that it matters if I can’t remember the experience. What matters, I think, is that I jumped anyway and survived the fall.

Classic

Chris’s Fear: I didn’t have one

It’s sad to say but I completely forgot to tackle a fear this week. I could give you a bunch of excuses about work in the lab or family commitments or training, but they would still be excuses regardless of how good/valid they were. However, forgetting to set a deliberate fear for the week points to a very human inclination to avoid discomfort.

If we do not actively seek out discomfort and consciously put ourselves into unfamiliar or uncomfortable or even scary situations, we gravitate towards comfort. Although there is nothing wrong with comfort, always being in this zone can prevent or stagnate growth.

This week has taught me that if I want to continue to grow and develop I cannot be stuck in the comfort zone but need to actively seek out opportunities each week if not day to scare myself–not shitless of course but scare myself just a little bit. That’s what this project is all about: taking myself out of the comfort zone and into the growth zone by putting myself in situations and contexts that scare me.

Next week (October 16-22) that is going to be eating a meal for pure enjoyment without any thought to nutrition…now that is going to take a mind switch. Check out the podcast for full details on why this is going to be so hard for me.