A blog written in the dead of night and delivered to you in a brown paper bag. It’s a cornucopia of tidbits, rants, and observations for the discerning eye. Good luck with all that. Now, for something completely different!

Now it’s official, the rising prices of gas are hurting literally everthing. Even in Nevada where prostitution is legal, the brothels are feeling the pinch. Yes truckers, which are the major customers of these places, aren’t pulling into their favorite truck stops like they used to. This should make a lot of wives happy. Geoffrey Arnold, president of the Nevada Brothel Owners’ Association, said truckers account for up to 75 percent of business at the state’s rural brothels along Interstate 80 and U.S. Highway 95. He said business is down about 19 percent at his two northern Nevada brothels along I-80: Donna’s Ranch in Wells and Donna’s Battle Mountain Ranch. “We’re being affected by the economy like everybody else,” Arnold said. “Times are tougher and truckers have less money to spend. They’re not high-rollers anymore.” Well, they’re not taking this lying down. In response to a 5 percent drop in business, the Shady Lady Ranch along U.S. 95 about 150 miles north of Las Vegas plans to offer $50 gas cards to clients who spend $300 and $100 gas cards to those who spend $500. The brothel also offers special monthly discounts, including an offer of 45 minutes of services for $175 instead of the usual rate of $200. Who’d a thought, discount whore houses. “Anything that has to do with discretionary income is down,” owner Bobbi Davis said. “Instead of spending $500 out here, they might only spend $300. I see it every time they raise gas prices.” Under a promotion at the Moonlite BunnyRanch near Carson City, the first 100 customers who arrive with government stimulus checks receive twice the services for the same regular price. “We’re calling it double your stimulus,” said BunnyRanch owner Dennis Hof. “The brothel industry is having to get more creative just like all consumer products in America. Everybody has got to deal, and we’re doing the same thing.” Wow, two for ones. Since January, the number of long-haul trucks based in Nevada has dropped by 4,100, or 12 percent, said Paul Eons of the Nevada Motor Transport Association. Arnold predicted the industry would weather the slowdown. “The customers won’t be spending as much, but the brothels will still be there,” he said. “After food, the most important activity, at least for men, is sex. Sex is not going away.” The downturn also has affected brothels by leading to an increase in the number of women seeking jobs as legal prostitutes, Arnold added. As business for escort services and strip clubs goes flat, “more women are interested in joining the industry,” he said. I guess there’s nothing like being able to lie down on the job.

GIRAFFE MASTERMINDS ESCAPE

Ever get tired of the same old thing, need a change? Ever want to just bust out and get a change of scenery? Well a Giraffe in Amsterdam, Netherlands thought so. “We suspect that a giraffe kicked open a pen,” Dutch police said in a statement. He wasn’t the only one who made a break for it. Fifteen camels, two zebras, several llamas and pot-bellied pigs also escaped. The grass must have been greener, well, everywhere else. Police spokesman Arnout Aben says the animals wandered in a group through a nearby neighborhood for several hours after their 5:30 a.m. breakout. Lesson learned, during an escape, never stick together. The animals were back at the circus later Monday after being rounded up by police and circus workers. Aben says neighbors fed some of the animals, which he said was a bad idea, but they were tame and nobody was hurt. I’ve always heard Amsterdam residents are very hospitable to tourists. I guess this proves it. Says Aben: “You have to imagine somebody rubbing his eyes first thing in the morning and saying, ‘Am I seeing things or is that 15 camels walking past?'” I would have blamed it on not enough coffee yet.

BUS OF ILL REPUTE COMES TO A COMPLETE STOP

This was such a great idea, hookers on wheels. It’s better than pizza delivery. Unfortunately, Miami Vice don’t agree. The ‘brothel bus’ that detectives said cruised Miami Beach offering lap dances and drinks has taken its last ride, police said on Wednesday. Bummer. Riders were offered oral sex for $100, according to Miami Beach police who impounded the limousine bus and arrested its operator early on Sunday. The sleek black bus cruised the South Beach neighborhood popular among tourists and club-goers, offering rides and unlimited drinks for $40. Unlimited booze? Wow. Aboard, undercover detectives said they found a fully stocked bar and several young women who stripped down to reveal G-strings stuffed with cash and offered to perform sex acts. Suspected operator Christine Morteh, 29, was arrested on charges of offering to commit prostitution, transportation for the purpose of prostitution and operating a business without a license. She was released from jail on $5,000 bond. Well, there’s your problem, no license. Employees and customers also were charged as part of a citywide prostitution crackdown that resulted in 75 arrests. I’m suprprised this wasn’t owned by the “Girls Gone Wild” guy.

MANURE BOMBERS FALL IN AND FLEE NAKED

If you don’t believe in Kharma, this story may change your opinion. Two women entered a farm in the northern village of Eberholzen, Germany last Wednesday evening and started to fill the stockings with manure on the pretense of making manure bombs. “One of them slipped into the manure tank, right into the cow muck,” said a spokesman for local police. That couldn’t have been happy. “The other one helped her out. We found their clothes in a field. One seems to have run off completely naked, the other in her underwear.” Police said it was unclear what the women had intended to do with the ‘manure bombs’, but added the incident could be linked to victory celebrations surrounding the Euro 2008 semi-finals on Wednesday, when Germany beat Turkey 3-2. I hope they don’t give Detroit Pistons fans any ideas, since they outlawed octopus’. “The women can get their clothes back from the local police station – unwashed,” the spokesman added. Yea, I bet they rush right back for those.

DOGS HIT THE BEACH AT SURFING COMPETITION

Over the weekend, man’s best friend proved he can hang ten, actualy for dogs it’s 20, with the best of them. It was at the 3rd Annual Loews Surf Dog Competition Over 60 dogs participated while onlookers watche dthe surfing thrills these pooches provided. Check it out.