Threat alert Jesus will protect you

Yeah, Jesus will save you by making sure you know when your ass needs to leave the country in order to live. Combined with color-changing light-up Christ you get a vinyl-bound copy of the Holy Bible and a reading light.

Somehow this thing is wired in to receive status updates from Homeland Security on what level of danger we are at or how imminent an attack is. Do you know how many times Jack Bauer could have used this to determine when he was going to have a bad day?

So lets recap, you get the Jesus that is somehow connected to Homeland Security and lights up green, blue, yellow, orange, or red, depending on what the security level is (really? How often do green or blue get used, freakin’ fear-mongerers), and you get a bible and a reading light for it, and all that comes for a low, low price of $19.95.