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18 June 2012

Master class #4: Some problems with lawyer’s English

A friend of mine, Andrey Goltsblat, the senior
partner of the legal firm Goltsbat BLP, recently published a document
advertising his company’s services for those who need to navigate their way
through the new Russian Civil Code. His full advertisement can be found on the
company’s website at: http://www.gblplaw.com/
I am sure it is highly useful and I trust readers of this blog will consider
making use of Goltsblat BLP if they need to.

The document is worth quoting here because it
illustrates the perils of having the wrong sort of person style-edit your texts
(which Andrey assures me he has had done). The difficulty for Russians (and
other nationalities) is that the employer cannot always know if the work has
been done properly, or tastefully, unless someone tells him or her. I therefore
make bold to publish this analysis of the Goltsblat document, with a fair copy
as I would have written it, at the end.

The underlying problem is the way the text lurches
from over-familiarity to inappropriate chattiness—though there are some other
issues as will be seen below.

Taking the text from the document in Roman type, and
my comments in sanserif type:

- “On 3
April 2012, the President of the Russian Federation introduced to the State
Duma a draft federal law amending the Civil Code of the Russian Federation.”

Too formal and
also repetitive. Better: “On 3 April
20102, President Medvedev introduced into the Duma a draft law amending the
Russian Civil Code.”

- “On 27
April 2012, the Law was passed at the first reading without any serious
objections or criticisms, even though it is an extensive, 461-page document. It
is proposed to introduce new institutions and rules of the civil legislation
and to amend, supplement and otherwise update many existing ones.”

Too congested,
and not in chronological order. Better: “This is a 460-page document which introduces new institutions and
rules of civil litigation, and changes many others. Despite this, it passed on
its first reading without serious examination.”

- “The given amendments to the Civil Code of the Russian
Legislation are to come into effect on 1 September 2012. We only have the
summer before us to get our heads round and understand everything that is
proposed.”

Too colloquial,
and with mistakes. Better: “The
amended Civil Code is scheduled to come into effect on 1 September. Lawyers
have only six months to familiarise themselves with everything that is
proposed.”

- “Goltsblat BLP lawyers who took an active part in drafting
and discussing the amendments to the Civil Code of the Russian Federation have
prepared for you an overview of the most significant of the proposed changes.”

Too formal.
Better: “Some of our lawyers were
involved in drafting the new law. They have prepared a summary of the most
significant proposed changes.”

- “After these amendments come into force, we have several
years ahead of us during which law enforcement practice will be developed. We,
as lawyers, need to start working straight away to explain the new rules to our
clients and the professional community, in order for law enforcers to be able
to predict precisely how a given new institution works. The Judicial system in
a civilised society must be truly independent. Judges must be irreproachably
professional and enjoy an impeccable reputation. Unless these fundamentals of
public life are achieved, any legislative initiatives will be still-born.
People and their basic values must, of course, constitute the fulcrum of any state
ideas. Yet it should not be forgotten that business, its needs and requirements
are, in exactly the same way, ultimately orientated on improving our lives.
Commercial relations in Russia today require a greater degree of discretion. If
freedom of contract is artificially restrained, the result is precisely formal
bad faith and sham transactions, which in our society have always provided the
broadest scope for the Judicial whim of the authorities.”

Too stilted and
sententious, and with too many statements of the obvious. One or two parts
incomprehensible (I have therefore omitted them). Better: “After the new Code comes into force, we have
several years ahead of us during which law enforcement practice will be
developed. We, as lawyers, need to start working straight away to explain the
new rules to our clients and the professional community. We also want to play
our part in moving towards a fully independent judiciary operating a system of
law based on accepted human values. At the same time, for commerce to flourish,
we need legal certainty and a broader juridical environment in which the
principle of sanctity of contract is understood and respected.”

Note as a
non-linguistic issue: the phrase
“freedom of contract” as used in the original text has some problematic
connotations as it is associated in the public mind with unbridled capitalism.
It was for Freedom of Contract that the US Supreme Court struck down so many of
Roosevelt’s New Deal initiatives when he was trying to pull the US out of the Great
Depression. Western lawyers think of freedom of contract as being a situation
in which the mighty can oppress the weak. I know it does not mean that
literally, but it is a “bad karma” phrase in legal circles in this context, I
would suggest. I suspect that the writer intended “sanctity of contract”, which
is both acceptable and important to stress in a contemporary Russian context,
where it is always under threat from non-judicial interference.

My fair copy:

On 3 April 2012,
President Medvedev introduced into the Duma a draft law amending the Russian
Civil Code. This was a 460-page document which proposed new rules of civil
litigation, and changed many others. Despite its length and complexity, the
Code was passed on its first reading without serious examination by
legislators. It is scheduled to come into effect on 1 September, so the legal
community has only six months to familiarise itself with it.

Some of our lawyers,
who were involved in the original drafting, have prepared a summary of the most
significant changes. After the new Code comes into force, there will be a
period of several years during which law enforcement practice will be
developed. We, as lawyers, need to start working straight away to explain the
changes to our clients and the professional community. We also want to play our
part in moving towards a fully independent judiciary, which applies a system of
law based on internationally accepted human values. At the same time, for
commerce to flourish, we need legal certainty and a broader juridical
environment in which the principle of sanctity of contract is understood and
respected.

We have therefore
prepared for your benefit the following summary of what we see as the most
significant aspects of the new Code.

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About Me

I am a writer, journalist, broadcaster and editor, living in Russia. I have written four books and I now publish this blog, which aims to help Russians master the difficult art of writing fluently in English. You can contact me at: language.etiquette@gmail.com
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