Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Attachment

I've always thought that attachment was a non-physical entity, just an emotional bond, that you develop over time. It was only very recently that I discovered that, for me, it is more of a physical thing. And this is the best way I could describe it-

"It's like you open own up to another person, layer by layer. Initially, only the first few, superficial layers come out, the one where your opinions, your interests, your stories are hidden. These layers are the ones we shed every now and then, to make way for new layers, for new opinions, new interests, and new stories. But somewhere, as time passes by, you open up your deeper layers and let someone else in, with them letting you in at the same time. It's not a conscious process, it's just how it is. Strangers that you have just met suddenly seem to know you better than 'friends' you have spent so much time with. Before you know, you have shed the deepest layers and bared your soul to someone, without even knowing about it. Consciously, you're just 'close' to that person, you 'like taking to' them, et cetera. Then layers start overlapping each other and they enjoin each other to form something you are not even aware of yet.

But then this thing happens. You can't describe it. You can't really pin point what it is. All you know is that bit by bit, something is happening, and that something, you can feel in your belly when you go off to sleep, you can feel in your heart when you wake up in the morning, you can feel it in your gut, every time you think of that person.

It's the other person withdrawing. Suddenly, all the layers that were perfectly moulded with that person are left open, left open vulnerable to damage. You hurt, layer by layer, inch by inch, and with every layer being left damaged, you lose a bit of yourself.

And it is that that makes you physically sick, the open layers looking for comfort, that makes you twist and turn all night, that makes your heart sink every time you think of that person, that leaves a sour taste in your mouth every time you take their name."

Being Tutul :')

About Me

2008 - I am the most random person I have ever come across. It is fairly difficult to understand me because more often than not, even I don't know which way I'm heading!
Edit (2017) - Still not very sure where I'm 'headed'.