Sit Your None Fighting Ass The Hell Down Already

Let me start off by saying I don’t encourage women in very close proximity to their 20-year high school reunion to be scrapping in the way of 9th grade girls mid-sugar rush on national TV. On the other hand, if you are going to be knucking and bucking, be actually ready to fight. This means you, Evelyn, because you are not the actress your coach has assured you to be.

Why are people afraid of her on this show? Why do select Twitter liars continue to pretend she’s 1980s Mike Tyson with a Puerto Rican accent? Are you all blind or have you just never been in a fight?

I ask because whenever I see Evelyn act as if she’s about to throw blows, I’m instantly convinced that a paper napkin could do more damage than she would in a legitimate fight.

Like, she hopped on that table and leaped into the arms of security as if he was about to spin her around in the air like a damn ballet dancer. This is exactly why I saw she’s using Basketball Wives to prep for a stint on Dancing with the Stars. Ballroom dancing game is way too proper, ma’am.

Seriously, though, girl, you cannot fight. Period. You throw things in directions typically anywhere but the presumed target. You constantly run into the arms of the one who loves protects you from getting your loud mouth cloaked. I don’t care how many times you shout “you ain’t ’bout that life” and “on my baby,” your ass cannot fight. If Evelyn tried this mess on the wrong street, she’d need a fitting for new veneers the very next day. Okay, maybe by the end of the week after she checked out of the hospital.

I feel kind of bad for even typing that, but fake fighters of her ilk live in desperate need of reality checks…and I know Miami has plenty of check cashing joints out there.

One thing I love about Jen is even after she got smacked by that wack wig wearing woman who sounds like she kills Smurfs in her spare time, she continued to talk her shit and aggravate the living hell out of her and Evelyn. That to me shows that her words cut deeper than Smurf Killer’s sucker smack. Take that, take that, Ren and Stumpy Hair.

And wait, does Evelyn think we’re deaf and dumb? Why was she boo hooing with no actual tears about “putting people down for what they ain’t got” when her ass was reading Lisa Turtle Jr. down for what she wore and what she thought she didn’t have?

Why do some of y’all like her? Explain this to me. She tries to punk people for sport like that’s cute, and again, her cowardly lion ass cannot fight in the least. She seems jealous because her ex-friend made new friends. And she abuses the word bitch, damn near spoiling the term for everyone else.

I know: I already wrote a post about how old her act has gotten so I should know better. Yeah, whatever. It’s on when I’m at the gym on Monday evenings and your man needs cardio. Word to fried fish. Anyway, salute to her spinning this cheap fame for all its worth, nevertheless I’m sick of her seeing her pliéing on set with security as if she’d really take a swing if given the opportunity.

In sum, don’t be fooled by the mess she pops. Evelyn couldn’t fight anything but a ticket on the block.