This is driving me up the wall. Allison Williams went DRAMATICALLY blonde for her cover shoot with Allure’s March issue and I can’t figure out who she looks like. She absolutely looks totally different. But she reminds me of someone and I can’t put my finger on it. Someone from the 1970s, right? WHO IS IT?

Anyway, Allison usually annoys the hell out of me, so I wasn’t looking forward to reading this Allure cover story. Once I finally put on my big-girl panties and read it though… it’s not terrible. Granted, she’s a twee, annoying hipster, but she’s not the worst person in the world. She’s just the kind of woman I don’t “get.” Like, she’s a millennial Goop. She’s painfully self-aware and humble-braggy, but I also sort of admire her for sticking with it and trying to become the next big thing. Maybe the blonde will help? You can read the full piece here. Some highlights:

Her wedding cake was Funfetti cake from a box: “You can’t make Funfetti cake without the box… They tried to put homemade cream-cheese frosting on it. I told them they weren’t allowed to make it more fancy. You can make it beautiful on the outside, but it has to be trashy on the inside.”

Hipster coffee: “I drink dirtbag coffee.”

Her parents insisted that she go to college before becoming an actress: “I was annoyed at it for, like, a second, but then I kind of leaned into the idea.” The actors she talked to over the years agreed on one thing: college first. The thinking was, she says, that otherwise “you’re not going to be a full person. And you need to become a person before you can be a person in front of other people.”

She eats street-cart donuts, not artisanal donuts: “Anyway, I’ve had my doughnut today. I have a doughnut every morning. The same kind, from a street cart. Vanilla frosted with sprinkles on one half, weirdly. How hard is it to sprinkle the whole thing?” She eats street-cart doughnuts, but her assistant picks them up for her. “It’s relatable, right? Everyone has an assistant who brings a doughnut to them in the morning?”

Her phone case: “It’s a mirror with Belle stickers on the back. I’m an adult; it’s fine.”

Her role in Get Out, Jordan Peele’s racially charged, politically savvy horror film. “My first thought was, This is going to be very loud, this movie. It’s going to make a lot of noise…. The day Philando Castile was killed, I said to Jordan, ‘I wish this could come out now.’ And he said, ‘Well, it’s depressing to say this, but it will still be relevant in February.’ I remember having this kind of full-body shudder, like, Uggghhhh.”

How she “reads”: “I love [Girls character] Marnie, but I don’t feel like I need to play her a million times. I wake up every morning thinking I need to be edgier. I read very one-note. Teacher’s pet, Goody Two-shoes. I’d hate to be annoying. Who wants to see movies with someone annoying in them? But it’s hard for me to paint myself as anything but whatever it is I come across as—which is pretty together. It’s not that I’m hiding stories about being drunk on Sunset Boulevard or something. It’s just genuinely how I’m wired, and it’s why I was right to play Marnie—because I do want to do everything right and in the best way possible. And abandoning perfectionism was a real struggle that I had to go through when I realized it’s not possible. But I’m a big note-writer, a big gift-giver. It’s how I’m wired, and it’s so boring and annoying.”

She doesn’t want to be interesting: “I don’t want to be any more interesting than I am. I love the life that I get to live, which is one of real independence and privacy and autonomy. And I get to experience the city in a way that—if I may name-drop for a second—someone like Katy Perry, who’s a really good friend, doesn’t get to. She doesn’t get to do what we just did. That’s not a universe she can experience anymore.”

Her blonde hair: “I think if I’d used my middle name professionally—Howell Williams—I’d have a totally different career. I’d be an indie darling. I’d be fighting with Greta Gerwig for parts. I’d have gone blonde earlier.”

Hipsters can go either way – they’re either obsessed with having everything be one-of-a-kind or vintage or artisanal or small-batch, or they’re the kind of hipsters who like to play at being normal. Look at me, I drink dirtbag coffee and my assistant picks up a street-cart donut for me, how quaint. Obviously, Allison is the latter. But even in her painful self-awareness, she does get some sh-t right. If she was Howell Williams and a blonde, her career would be completely different. Also: “I don’t want to be any more interesting than I am.” Oh, honey. You’re not interesting.

it looks like lena dunham wasn’t the only one dieting during girls.
i was wondering if she was lobbying for a fashion muse or cosmetic spoke person status for a hot minute a few years ago.even with her family money she may be still on it

She is like Oatmeal to me, but the kind without sugar or anything fun at all in it, the gritty kind

Anywhoo THIS: Her role in Get Out, Jordan Peele’s racially charged, politically savvy horror film. “My first thought was, This is going to be very loud, this movie. It’s going to make a lot of noise…. The day Philando Castile was killed, I said to Jordan, ‘I wish this could come out now.’ And he said, ‘Well, it’s depressing to say this, but it will still be relevant in February.’ I remember having this kind of full-body shudder, like, Uggghhhh.”

Facts on Facts on Facts and also I Totally want to watch that movie im into horror and tongue in cheek

I felt like she was anxious to come across as self deprecating and semi-normal? She should just say – yeah I grew up rich and I know it. And that is why I do charity work, like a lot of other rich people.

I think she comes across rather well in this. She’s aware she’s not interesting, that’s why she says she doesn’t want to be more intersting. And she even cracked a joke about her assistant bringing her doughnuts.

She can’t possibly actually need an assistant, give me a break. Also, what is dirtbag coffee? And finally, her describing her phone irritated the crap out of me. “I’m an adult, it’s fine” I know she’s joking, but no one cares that you still like Disney films. So do a lot of adults. So many eye rolls.

Yikes!! Blonde does not look good on her OR someone did a horrible job on the dye job. Doesn’t she have money for a quality hair stylist?? She has money for an assistant but not someone who could tackle those roots with perfection? Hipster bullshit personified…so much money and care to look so blah.

Platinums look best on those 16-20 or so… I know… it was my best look at the time, and even though a natural blonde, it’s not the same once you get older, even like 21. You can see in the model shot that the color doesn’t work as well. Otw it still works for older peeps as long as it’s short and they have amazing cheekbones or something like that. Yes, I’ve analyzed this a lot! The new trend of leaving more dark hair does help a little bit but it’s also not as stunning.

That was offensive to me also. Funfetti brings joy and celebration to children. It is a colorful, tasty, delightful surprise. Don’t call it trashy! Her monochrome hair color does look trashy. This interview is very try-hard. Are all cast members of Girls exhausting? I only made it one and a half seasons.

Illustrations/graphic posters of women, particularly their faces, that were popular in the 70s and 80s. Usually the eyes and hair were the focal point of the illustration, and the details faded into the background. There might have been other artists, not just Sara Moon, but that’s what it made me think of.

She’s trying to be relatable by saying she likes junk food, Disney stickers, and didn’t even want to go to college but her celeb dad sent her to Yale (how nice it must be for Yale to be your last option) and she wore a dress made of balene (whale!!) on Craig Ferguson a few years ago. Not like the rest of us.

I am an actual dirt bag but I happen to drink fancy coffee that I make myself with my own fancy machine that has various buttons and foaming nozzles and it basically resembles the inside of the Tardis so I don’t know what this chick is even talking about at all.

The only legitimate trashy thing about this little girl is her apparent inherited lie telling problem she got from her fathers side of the family.

I saw other pics of her at some event with her new colour and she looked okay. Maybe the mag photog/stylist played up the roots and made her hair look absolutely burnt for shock value. She looks really terrible and eye-catching in a bad way in these pics. She’s annoying and needs to stop being so neurotic and self-referencing all the time. I think her me-me-me is possibly from anxiety. And she is extremely thin these days. Who does she look like? Her hubby. They look like sister and brother.