The 23rd of June was an historic day as Britain conducted the largest scale survey on racism to date.

Conceived by a notion that the Aryan natives of Britain were at risk of diluting their blue blood from an influx of Muslims, Eastern Europeans, and immigrants from uncolonised territories, the British parliament decided to survey its people in what was originally called operation xenophobia, but later renamed Brexit to avoid any bias which may affect the electorates decision at the polls.

The survey established that 52% of people in Britain are willing to put their own prejudice ahead of economic stability and global unity. The majority of voters showcasing an utter disregard for diplomacy with a jingoistic outlook that Britain’s future is better safeguarded by establishing higher walls with the EU, built with Trump mortar which acts as a stronger repellent against Mexican rapists and crazy Muslims who blow up everything the first chance they get.

Of course this is likely to create further division in the UK, as Scottish patriots are left confused over what ‘better together’ actually means and Northern Irish Euorphiles question if they too should seek independence, with nationalist parties like Sinn Fein left in a conundrum as to how they can align with the British theocracy without having to ask for permission to call their once attached sibling nation in the South.

Since declaring open racism the UK's financial markets have been hit hard. Many global firms choosing to remain with Europe have had to dust off contingency plans they weren’t expecting to use until a Russian invasion of Poland in 2052. Bewildered youths in their early 20’s who didn’t know how to vote have been seen taking the first Ryanair flight to any available destination amidst fears that Boris Johnson will speak again, or in light of Nigel Farage offering a medal to anyone who brings him an immigrant's head on a plate.

​On a slightly positive note the Red Cross has announced that they are organising a convoy of relief supplies from France to help working class families who can no longer afford shepherd’s pie and Trocaire have confirmed they will feature Welsh children on their next Lenten campaign. ​I don’t want to seem one sided here, this is a great day for English racism and I’m sure it will be celebrated. After all it’s only the birth of something we’ve no possible reference to, as we’ve clearly forgotten about World War 2, the implications of the growth in nationalism and the aftermath of a prejudicial rampage.​(Note video of Chelsea football fans singing ‘We’re racist, we’re racist and that’s the way we like it’ while refusing to leave a black man board the train.)