Making through life each day with a little concealer, a lot of coffee and a Messy Bun!

Author: messybunandmommin

Winter is so hard for me. I grew up in Florida. Where our Freezing normally stayed above or close to actually freezing and it didn’t generally stay that way long at all? Life happened and now I am in Missouri where winter is normally beyond freezing, grey and yucky. I struggle with it and honestly it has been something I dread every year. Eight winters here and I am slowly learning how to make it through the bitter months that seem to drag on forever.
So if you also get the Winter Blues like I do then maybe some of these things will work for you as well. I am not saying it will make it all go away but these help it seem a little less brutal.
• Make a winter cleaning list. pick things to tackle during the winter that you maybe didn’t have time for during the summer months. Deep clean one room at a time. Organized all those closets that you hate digging through. It always helps me when I am organizing to make a keep, trash and donate pile. The purging of the old things and deep cleaning helps me feel like I am tackling winter in a productive way.
• Surround yourself with light. Warm lights, open curtains, lamps and when the sun is out bundle up and get some rays. Soak it up when you can!
• Get some house plants. Plants make you feel like you are bringing some of the outside in. They will give you a sense of spring. Not to mention they brighten any room and add filtration to the air in your home.
• Re-decorate or give rooms in your home a face lift. Who has time to have the winter blues if you are giving a room a fresh coat of paint. Moving furniture around or evening giving pictures and art work a new place to hang in your home.
• Make a winter book list and start reading. When you catch yourself feeling low or unmotivated pick up a book and get lost in it.
• Start a workout plan. You can do this at home, a gym, yoga studio or put on some warm clothes and hit the road. Hiking, running and walking can all be fun to do even during the winter. Exercising is going to help you feel better and get those happy endorphins flowing. Even if it as little as following a daily stretching or short yoga routine. There are so many free workout apps, Pinterest workouts or trainers out there that would love to get you on the right track. Trust me once you get started you won’t regret it.
• Find a new hobby! Contact your local art association and see if there are any classes. Start doodling, re-finishing furniture, knitting or sewing. Pick something you think would be fun and start taking steps to learn a new trade. This doesn’t have to be expensive and hey you may even make enough or be good enough to sell some of it and make some extra cash.

I know how difficult it can be to push through these cold and dreary months that seem to drag on forever. However, finding something to keep you busy is key. Not only could you be learning new things you will be starting spring out with a clean house, in better shape and ready to get outside and enjoy all that sunshine and warmer air when it gets here. So this winter instead of allowing yourself to get down in the dumps. Choose to get motivated. Make the best of your time inside and get caught up on all those things that we don’t get done when we are outside soaking in the sun during the spring and summer! Let me know if you have any other ideas. I would love to hear what pulls you through the winter!!

You know it is hard to sum up 2018 in my mind. I have tried figuring out the easiest way to do this and I am still at a loss. It was a year full of so much grief, hurt and pain for me. Yet it was also a year of so much self recognition and inner soul searching. I grew in my faith that had become dormant prior to this year. I made some wonderful new friends. I grew closer to family and friends. I worked harder to be a better mother to the three most precious men that God has placed in my life. I guess you could say that it was an emotional year. Full of many Ups and Downs.
The funny thing is. I wouldn’t change a thing. I learned more about myself and I am still learning more about myself. It has made me realize that no matter what we have planned. If it’s not God’s plan it won’t work. He has a big plan for me and though I am not sure just what that is yet I am trusting him and his process.
So here we are, “New Year, New me.” But not so much for me. I don’t want to be New I just want to keep growing myself. I decided a few years back to choose a word for the year. Last year was Embrace. Ironic right? I did try and embrace it all though. I felt it all strongly and processed it with strong will. I allowed myself to fall apart and I embraced how they felt too.
Now I am ready for more! I am ready for my “Growth and Healing”, it was to hard for me to just go with one word. New Year = Healing and growth for me. Inside and Out. Physically and Mentally. What exactly does this mean for me? Where in my mind will this lead me? What Goals will I build with these as my root words?
First of all if there was a tail-tale way for me to know what exactly was in store I would be soaring through this crazy life. 2018 clearly showed me I wasn’t boss in my life and I don’t always have control, but it did show me that I can choose how I react to the things that happen in life and grow from them.
Here we go though. Thinking about 2019 and all my main Goals for the year. Things I vow to work towards and push myself hard to obtain.
Weight loss. I don’t have a number for the scale. I just want to lose weight and become healthy again. My intention is to not have to take so many pills and to be a stronger and healthier version of myself.
Inner Healing. Continue seeking counseling and working with someone to get through my bad habits and past patterns.

Growth with God. This one is huge because I want to be able to truly trust him and build a strong relationship with him. Continuing my daily devotionals, prayers and getting to know more and more about the bible.

My Sobriety. Alcohol has always been how I dealt with anything hard in life. I don’t want this to be a cushion or way of life for me anymore. I am going to fully focus on cutting alcohol from my life 100 percent.

No dating or relationships. This is for me. I know in order for me to truly ever be able to open up or love someone ever again I need to heal completely. I want to find myself in the healthiest mental state then I have ever been before. I have so many things I need to work on within myself before I try to add anyone into that mix. (Disclaimer: God has proven I don’t always have control. If someone comes along it will be without a doubt a God thing!!)

Taking mini weekend retreats where I mediate, pray, write and read. This can be as much as focusing on these things at home the weekends the boys are with their dad.

Write my book. I believe God has given me writing as my talent to help other people. I hope that in finishing my book and getting it out there it can help someone. Even one person would make it worth it for me.

Take my boys on vacation. Somewhere fun and that we have never been.

Work on my finances and building my credit score back up.

Creating moments of happiness that enable me to grow and heal from the inside out.

Trust the process. Trust that what is put out in the Universe is what we get back and I am going to work to put out as much good as I can.

Read and Write as much as I can! These things heal my soul and help me so much. So this girl is going to do them as much as I can.

This never needs to be a Goal or a Resolution because it is simple a way of life for me but taking in every moment I get with my boys and helping them to learn to love the entire process. Raising them is such a gift and blessing for me and I can’t wait to see what this year has in store for us!!!
There it is y’all. My 2019 goals, all obtainable. All going to allow me to become a better version of myself for my boys and for me.
Grab a cup of coffee and join me as we begin this next journey of our lives. Your girl can’t wait!

I have always struggled. To be happy, to rise above my anxiety, to push through the difficulties of life. I mean really, who hasn’t. Everyone “copes” differently though. From my perspective looking at other people I always wonder how everyone seems to do it so flawlessly when I am falling apart. I am sure this is farthest from the truth though. I am sure that others are completely falling apart on the inside even when they seem so well put together on the outside. I am also sure there is someone looking at me thinking I am strong and have my shit all together.

I don’t though. This point and place in my life has me feeling like I am constantly trying to keep my head above the waves that relentlessly pushes in over and over again. My heart is a constant dull ache and I have never felt more alone. I tell myself daily that I can do this. I am stronger then this. When in reality I am lost. How would life look if we were all more honest about how we feel? Would we be there for each other more? Would we check in on each other more? Truthfully I don’t know if speaking it out loud would help. In our society and society’s standards I think it would push people away. We don’t know how to help others that aren’t “Okay”. Think about it.

You ask your co-worker ” How are you today?”

They respond, ” Honestly, not great.”

How do you respond. How do you handle this? In my own reality most people ignore that you didn’t give them a positive answer in the first place or they respond with a half concerned, “It will get better.” “Keep your chin up.” or ” This to shall pass.”

These to me all undermine that the person could really be going through something and need someone to really confide in. We live in a society with staggering suicide rates, the annual age adjusted suicide rate is 13.26 per 100,000 individuals per year in the U.S. it is the second leading cause of death in young people ages 15 to 24! How are we okay with that and how do we change this?

First, I think we need to stop telling people to get over it and show them we actually care. You may not see it but what they are going through could really be hard for them.

Just because you may not understand their situation doesn’t make it any less real for them. Everyone copes and deals with things differently. It is real, and hard and painful for them. You may not have to understand it, but you can be there for them and be supportive.

If each one of us took a moment to be kind when we are in a hurry instead of rushing through life you never know who you could touch and make a difference for them. I don’t say all this to say I don’t have people here for me. I do and they are wonderful and I love them so much for their support and love. I say this because not everyone has that same support system. I say this because maybe just maybe we all as a whole can stop and try and see what someone else is going through. View it from their perspective so we can be there for them more in a way that will make a difference in their life.

Maybe, just maybe we could make a difference in someone’s life who really needs it. Lift up those who are drowning and be a light for those who feel like they are in constant darkness. Sometimes all it takes is just giving a smile, a hug or listening when no one else does. Those tiny acts of kindness could make a big change for someone.

Y’all I just turned 33 and I am recently divorced and now single again. Not how I seen my 30’s going or you know that 10-year plan of mine I had. It would be a complete lie if I told you I haven’t been an utter mess. Throw in hormones and the fact that I think I am having a mid-life crisis and that might sum up just how insane my last 6 months have been. Thank you 2018 you have really been full of jokes this year. Now I am at single mom status and trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. Since that isn’t enough let’s throw in dating or thinking about dating, which is absolutely terrifying.

First of all, I haven’t dated since college and I was awful at it then too. I am an anxious mess when trying to date, I have word vomit of the mouth and I make terrible jokes to try and lighten the mood which in turns make me look like an idiot. I can own up to all of it truthfully. I know it is that bad. Here I am though, thinking about joining the dating scene though and it is NOTHING like it was 12 years ago. From what I can see that isn’t a good thing. It has progressively gotten worse. Like now when you are talking to a person they send a picture of their privates without you even having to ask?

The conversation can go from where you want to go to dinner and while waiting for a response…. “D**k Pic”, comes through your phone.
“No Sir, I would not like that for dinner. That is not even my choice for dessert!”
I am at a complete loss on how to handle this matter and actually find a person who is truly interested in getting to know each other. And truthfully what are the options here?
Going to bars to meet people…. Not for me
Dating Apps…. HUGE FAIL
Meeting people when your out and about… I am with my kids or at home
Dating Websites… Also, HUGE FAIL
Friends of friends… Oh, is that a great story (SMH)
Here is my question. What worked for you? I feel like I am looking for the lost city of Atlantis here.

I mean I am so damn picky I doubt I will ever find a man who is worth the time for myself or my boys and with what I have seen so far, I doubt that opinion will ever change. I guess I am going to shift my mindset from finding a man to be in my life and a person to date. Instead of that being the focus, because ladies we are better than a late-night phone call when the guy “Just needs to see you.” NO, I do not need to send you pictures of my body for you to be a part of my life. I am so much more then that. I am freaking amazing person and if any man isn’t willing to get to know me to see that. Then honey, you aren’t the one for me.

My new focus is going to be me. Finding out who I really am, what I really need and who I really want to be. Becoming the absolute happiest person, I can be for myself and so I can be the best damn momma I can for my boys.

I am going to speak my truth. I am not going to put how I feel in a corner so you can be more comfortable. “No one puts baby in the corner!” I am going to say NO when I know it will hurt me in the end. I am going to learn that I don’t always have to say Yes when I am exhausted and can’t take on anything more. I am going to be stronger. I am going to learn that not everyone is really there for me when they say they are, and that is okay, because I don’t need them to be.
I am going to be weird, funny and completely myself. I am going to sing terribly along with the radio and own every moment of it. I am going to dance like the uncoordinated white girl I am and I am not going to care what anyone has to say. I am going to weigh what I weigh and never ever let someone’s opinion of me either being “thick” or skinny bother me again.
I will never change who I am to fit in or make someone happy again. I will always be true to me because the right person wouldn’t want to change a single thing about me.
Look y’all I am so far from perfect it crazy. I am a hot mess more than I ever have my shit together. I make stupid mistakes, because you know I am human. I will never deny my faults or failures but I won’t have someone make me feel bad for them either.
Here’s the thing… I love my family and friends big! I will do anything for them. I have dreams and ideas. I am smart and sometimes funny! I have wit and I am super sarcastic. I love Jesus but Jesus knows I cuss a lot. If you are a true friend to me then I am with you till the end and I will never be upset that you are busy, because I AM TOO!
If a man can’t see these things and appreciate me for every single one of them then it will never work. These amazing traits and all of the flaws are who I am. Every single one of them.
So, here I am no longer focusing on being alone. Being hurt. Being jaded. If I will every find “The One”. Instead of focusing on those things I am going to focus on ME! That’s right I am going to be my own soulmate. Being alone isn’t what I should be scared of. Being in a relationship where I am not happy or appreciated is.
I also feel that when I meet that person, my person. It won’t be a lot of work. Things will just kind of work. I know God has that out there for me somewhere.
Shine Brightly Loves,
Ashley Vancil

In a world where you are always needed and on the go, finding a way to balance life and not lose yourself is crucial. The hard part is finding a way to do that. It’s the balancing act that is key here. Allotting the right amount of time for everything that requires your attention. Being a working mother to three boys under the age of six is demanding enough. Once you add in housework, pets, cooking, doctors appointments, working out, meal planning, grocery shopping, bill paying, and giving everyone the amount of attention they need, we forget ourselves. We are drained and depleted. Most of the time running on fumes just trying to make it day to day.

Where is the joy in that?

How are we missing the big picture? We aren’t meant to live and simply survive. We need to be thriving, happy, and balanced. We miss so much when we set the cruise control button and coast through each day. A little laugh in the back seat we might have blocked out due to that phone call. The chance to dance in the kitchen with your son when his favorite song comes on because you’re cooking. Breathing in fresh air because there is no time to go outside when this pile of laundry is staring me in the face. Momma, this isno wayto live! These moments are fleeting, and we are missing the best ones. I am just as guilty, but I want to find a way to change. Together, we can start a revolution.

In a world where you are always needed and on the go, finding a way to balance mom life and not lose yourself is crucial

When my first son was born, I set out to be a supermom. To do it all and be it all. I didn’t need help from anyone because I was his mother and “I got this.” Well, let me tell you what…we need to drop that charade. Where did the “it takes a village” mentality go? When families all helped each other, and that wasn’t considered a weakness but a way of life.

Fast forward almost seven years, add two more kids, and I’m begging someone to help a momma out! I don’t want to do it all and be it all. I want to enjoy the moments I am missing while trying to be the Pinterest mom, the keeper of the house, and just hold it all together. I want to find a way to balance these things and end each day feeling uplifted and not drained. Feeling like I put into the universe what I want to get back. How?

How do we do this, ladies?

First, I think stepping back and evaluating our situation is crucial. What bothers you the most? Where do you feel like you need the most change? What do you want to see more of and less of? Let’s be honest here; I would love to see fewer dishes and laundry, but that isn’t going to happen. I can, however, include my boys in that time and make moments while focusing on necessary tasks. It takes some patience and creativity, but I can teach them how to do chores and find a way to make it fun. Make it a game and a time where everyone can come and spend time together. Will it take longer at first? Sure, it will. After a while though, when everyone learns it, you will be saving time and making more time for the important things.

Next, we need to learn to not fret on the small things! They will still be there later, and, if we are honest, the messy playroom isn’t hurting anyone. This is such a hard one for me and my need for everything to be a certain way all the time. I am quickly realizing how much life I am missing when I am hyperfocused on tidiness. So, let’s make a pact to stop stressing about the things that don’t deserve our stress. Breathe, put on your tennis shoes, and get away from it all. Find a way to make memories with the ones you love. Including yourself! This doesn’t have to be lavish plans that cost a fortune. Go to the park, find some woods to hike and explore, go to the gym with your husband, and last but certainly not least, take a long shower or bath. Even if the kids are outside the door (or sitting on the bathroom floor) on their tablets. Take what you can get here.

I don’t want to do it all and be it all. I want to enjoy the moments I’m missing while trying to be the Pinterest mom, the keeper of the house, and just hold it all together.

This one might be the most important for myself and the hardest.Don’t compare yourself to other mommas, and don’t be so hard on yourself. We live in a social media society which can be wonderful but can also be detrimental if we allow it. Instead, let’s use it as a chance to get ideas, lift each other up, and be empowered. Each and every one of us is so different and that’s the way it was meant to be! How boring would it be if we were all the same? Self-reflection and self-doubt are some hard pills to swallow. What if we began to see ourselves the way our kids do? The way our partners do? Man, that would be a game changer. Viewing ourselves in a positive way is important, so let’s do it! Each day work a little harder to find the positive in you. Be a little less negative. Doubt yourself a little less than you did the day before and embrace each moment. Make each day count and make loving yourself a top priority.

These little changes aren’t going to make all the responsibilities go away.

They aren’t going to make you any less needed. We are in this role of life because we were placed here. But, these subtle changes can help you in how you approach each day and how you feel when it ends and it’s time for bed. Let’s shift our perspective and find life more rewarding. Let’s be aware and present so that we don’t miss the little things—the important things.

No one ever really warns you of the crazy amount of pain you will feel in your life. They talk about how fast time goes, how you will miss these moments and the amazing experiences you will go through. They tell you about how you hold the key to your future and only you can decide where it takes you. What they don’t tell you is about the variables that play into your future, your decisions and ultimately the crushing disappointments from others. All of these thing will seem debilitating at times. You will literally feel like you can’t take another breathe or endure one more day. People you love with all your heart will disappoint you, break you and tear you down. However, each time they do, you won’t see the part where you get stronger. At first you probably won’t feel that change either. It is happening though! With each heartache and loss. You are growing stronger. Stronger in your spirit, your soul and you mind. Over time you learn coping mechanisms. Some will be healthy and some won’t. The amazing thing here is that as you grow and learn. You become a little wiser. The unhealthy coping mechanisms seem to become less and you root yourself into healthier choices that get you through. My dear you will learn that the people you thought cared most, didn’t. That’s okay though because you will see the people who have always cared will always be there. They will be there to lift you. When walking seems impossible, they are praying for you, loving you and cheering you on. Your tribe of friends will become smaller but they will be precious. I wish I could tell you that you won’t experience pain. I wish I could tell you the tears will be limited and smiles abundant. But, what is one without the other? You will love fiercely and be disappointed. You will be gifted with some of the most amazing gifts God could ever give you. You will be inspired by people you never thought you would meet and you my love will inspire others. Yes, you will be hurt and disappointed. You will suffer great losses. You will learn so many different ways to deal with and handle grief. Just know you always come out stronger. Learning from each experience. Having more grace then you did before and loving harder then you ever thought possible. Ashley, it won’t be easy. You will disappoint yourself more than you ever knew possible. But you will also learn to forgive yourself. Trust the process. Life is not always beautiful, but it is a beautiful ride!

I have spent the past few months wondering. Why? What did I do? How do I fix this? Where did I go wrong? Who am I? What do I do now? The thing is I could dwell on these questions for the rest of my life. And I would get absolutely no where. Today I choose not to question. I choose happiness and promises of a new day. I choose to put self doubt to the side.

Today I choose Psalms 139:14

“I Praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works: my soul knows it very well.”

So today I arose to your word and my devotion.

I choose to meditate and pray instead of worry.

I worked out and set my steps in your word and promises.

I fed myself a healthy meal.

I watched the sunrise in your promise for a new day.

I will set my sights on you. I will trust the process and allow the pain, hurt and healing that will come with it. Today I will to forgive. Today I will lean on you when I feel weak. I know I make mistakes and fall short. But today I choose to lean on your promise, Lord.