Lifestyle

A Horsham woman has ‘won’ Facebook today by ticking all the boxes in her latest profile picture.

Shannon Morgan, 20, explained: “I started by conducting intense market research. I looked at what was doing well on Facebook and what got the highest number of likes. Likes are the only way society now has of quantitatively measuring whether you’re worth anything as a human being.”

“Then it just occurred to me – why not just combine all of the things that do well on Facebook together to get the most likes possible? It’s never been done before. I’m a trailblazer for the social media community.”

Shannon was thrilled when her picture successfully gained maximum likes, meaning she has won Facebook.

She exclaimed, “I’d like to thank everyone involved in taking the picture, my university for allowing me to graduate in Bali, and the elephant sanctuary for drugging the shit out of a beautiful creature just so that I could ride it.”

“I’m just waiting for my prize now,” Shannon concluded. “I heard you get a congratulatory letter from Mark Zuckerberg in the post.”

Next, Shannon plans to construct a pithy political tweet that will probably get maximum retweets and break Twitter.

Kat Sadler is a comedian, writer and blogger. Kat is young at heart, but she's also wise beyond her years. Unfortunately the two cancel each other out so she's actually neither. She also writes for The Daily Mash. She blogs here