Tip of the hat, wag of the finger

We all know that Stephen Colbert is no fan of books. He reminds us of that straight off, on the very first page of his new book, "I Am America (And So Can You!)." Fortunately, those of us in the book-reading business have no prejudices, no petty notions of showing him just how much books matter. He'll find that out when he takes his royalty check to the bank. Tip of the hat: I give him props for writing a book that you could actually review without reading.

That's right. You could just listen to the audio book, the lazy reader's friend -- hear that bombastic tone, only occasionally erupting into shouting range, smile at the familiar voice of Amy Sedaris, making a cameo in one of the "Stephen Speaks for Me" vignettes of ordinary heroes. I'm betting that this audio version brings Colbert one of those long-hoped-for Grammys to add to his awards shelf. Take that, Tony Bennett! Or Barry Manilow!

But if you only listened, you'd miss so much. Nation, I'm talking about a book that is a patriotic object itself; why, Stephen even includes instructions for putting it away at night, just like Boy Scouts folding a flag. Then, in the morning, you can rise and wave the attached red ribbon marker announcing that you own a first edition! Lucky you.

You'd miss the red, white and blue layout, the end papers featuring a Colbert face-off, a la Formidable Opponent. You'd miss the photographs of Stephen (Wag of the finger: No centerfold?), the marginalia, the footnotes. You'd miss the page of silver stickers for "The Stephen T. Colbert Award for The Literary Excellence." (I'm wearing one on my forehead right now.) You'd miss the page of red and blue stickers with such handy catchphrases as "It's Morning in Colbert-ica!" to remind you of those moments when you agreed with Stephen most.

Movin' on. You'd miss the actual content. That's right. Words. Part One, "My American Childhood," includes Stephen's thoughts on "The Family," "Old People," "Animals" and "Religion," which includes "Accepting Jesus as My Personal Editor," something all so-called writers might consider. The religion section, which includes a guide to Protestantism, did omit the Lutherans (Wag of the finger!), but I guess that was a nod to Garrison Keillor, recent guest on the show. Part Two, "My American Adolescence," covers the topical bases of "Sports," "Sex & Dating" (which includes getting to second base in a different sense), "Homosexuals," "Higher Education" and "Hollywood." Then, sadly, we reach Part Three, "My American Maturity," hence the instructions on "how to retire this book." There we see the mature Stephen (who knew?) taking on The Media, Class War, Race, Immigrants, Science, just like he does four nights a week. There's the written text of the famous White House Corespondents' dinner speech, which will live on in, if not infamy, well, at least on YouTube.

Given the way Colbert's Amazon numbers are rising, I'm going to have to name him My Literary Alpha Dog of the Week. GRRRRR!

And you know what the best part is? This is all EXTRA. Just stuff he noodled around with after the show, when the cameras were still rolling, a little something extra for the heroes. And you know what that makes this book? Lagniappe. That's right. And that's the word.

I AM AMERICA (AND SO CAN YOU!)

By Stephen Colbert

Grand Central Publishing, $26.99

. . . . . . .

Book editor Susan Larson can be reached at slarson@timespicayune.com or at (504) 826-3457.