Search Results for: the-unnoticeables

In 1970's New York City, all Carey wants is to drink cheap beer and dispense ass-kickings, until kids with unnoticeable faces start abducting his punk friends. In present-day Hollywood, stuntwoman Kaitlyn is trying to figure out what she wants to do with her life when a former teen heartthrob tries to eat her and her best friend goes missing. The survival of the human race is in Carey and Kaitlyn's hands. We are truly screwed.

"There are angels, and they are not beneficent or loving. But they do watch over us: they watch our lives unfold, analyzing us for repeating patterns and redundancies. When they find them, the angels simplify those patterns and remove the redundancies, and the problem that is 'you' gets solved. Carey doesn't much like that idea. As a punk living in New York City, 1977, Carey is sick and tired of watching strange kids with unnoticeable faces abduct his friends"--

From Robert Brockway, Sr. Editor and Columnist of Cracked.com comes The Unnoticeables, a funny and frightening urban fantasy. There are angels, and they are not beneficent or loving. But they do watch over us. They watch our lives unfold, analyzing us for repeating patterns and redundancies. When they find them, the angels simplify those patterns and remove the redundancies, and the problem that is "you" gets solved. Carey doesn't much like that idea. As a punk living in New York City, 1977, Carey is sick and tired of watching strange kids with unnoticeable faces abduct his friends. He doesn't care about the rumors of tar-monsters in the sewers or unkillable psychopaths invading the punk scene—all he wants is to drink cheap beer and dispense ass-kickings. Kaitlyn isn't sure what she's doing with her life. She came to Hollywood in 2013 to be a stunt woman, but last night a former teen heartthrob tried to eat her, her best friend has just gone missing, and there's an angel outside her apartment. Whatever she plans on doing with her life, it should probably happen in the few remaining minutes she has left. There are angels. There are demons. They are the same thing. It's up to Carey and Kaitlyn to stop them. The survival of the human race is in their hands. We are, all of us, well and truly screwed. At the Publisher's request, this title is being sold without Digital Rights Management Software (DRM) applied.

1977 was a bad year for Carey: The NYC summer was brutally hot, he barely made rent on his apartment, and most of his friends were butchered by a cult that worships the quantum angel he helped give birth to. He needs a vacation. You know where there’s supposed to be a killer punk scene? London. Oh, plus the leader of the aforementioned murderous cult is building an army there in an attempt to solve the world, once and for all. Time to mix business with pleasure. Along the way, maybe he’ll make some friends that won’t try to kill him, or even meet a nice girl who eats angels for supper and can kick a man in half. 1978 is looking better already... 2013 was a bad year for Kaitlyn, too: LA was distinctly unkind to her aspirations towards a career in stunt work, she hooked up with her childhood crush—a B-list celebrity heartthrob named Marco—and he turned out to be an immortal psychopath trying to devour her soul, and she accidentally killed the angel Marco and his bizarre cult worshipped. Now she’s on the run through the American Southwest. She heard Marco’s filming a new show in Mexico, though, so all she has to do is cross the border, navigate a sea of acidic sludge monsters, and find a way to kill an unkillable monster before he sacrifices her and her friends to his extra-dimensional god. Nobody said a career in the entertainment industry would be easy. Following on the heels of his hilarious and horrifying novel The Unnoticeables, Robert Brockway’s The Empty Ones is like any good punk band: just when you think it can’t get any louder, they somehow turn it up a notch. It’s terrifying and hilarious, visceral and insane, chaotic and beautiful. “The Unnoticeables is a nightmarish and hilarious tour through modern-day Hollywood, the 1970s New York punk scene, and Robert Brockway’s own diseased mind.” —David Wong

The concluding volume in the punk-rock fantasy epic that began with THE UNNOTICEABLES and THE EMPTY ONES. Carey and Randall get to LA’s Chinatown in the early 1980s just as the punk scene is starting there. But it’s not all cheap guitars and back-alley bars: the Empty Ones have set up shop in LA, too. A deceptively young, shockingly brutal Chinese girl with silver hair runs things here, watched by a former lover, Zang, who might be the best ally Carey and Randall have ever had . . . if he doesn’t eat the both of them first. Kaitlyn is also back in LA, with powers she barely understands, and something you might call a plan, if you were feeling particularly generous: if she can find one specific angel here and kill it, she might just set off a chain reaction that will bring all the angels down, for good.

Red is a chemical beta tester. It's a nice way of saying 'professional drug addict.'But that's not a problem: Everybody in the Four Posts is nursing an addiction to something. In fact, the city's entire economy is based on Presence -- a chemical hallucinogen that lets the user peek into history. Red's talent for mixing new and interesting narcotic concoctions is usually good for a quick buck and a cheap laugh, but this time something's gone wrong. After huffing a new prototype strain of Presence from Hockner Industries, he's awoken to find himself in violation of a Non-Disclosure Agreement. A crime punishable by death.Red's only hope for salvation lies in a mysterious contact with all the answers and seemingly infinite resources. But to get to him, Red must first navigate the claustrophobic theater of the 'Wells, where nobody is what they seem, escape the clutches of a mad, phallus-obsessed ghetto king, and seek protection from the murderous grey boatmen, all while his frightening and increasingly real hallucinations tear him apart from the inside out. With the help of QC, a walking nanotech factory, and Byron, an upper-class slacker literally addicted to the past, Red must discover what the strange experimental drug is doing to his mind. And he better be quick about it, before the pair of sinister, faceless recovery agents catch up to him...and burn him alive.

Just when you thought you’d accepted your own mortality . . . Everything Is Going to Kill Everybody is bringing panic back. Twenty illustrated, hilariously fear-inducing essays reveal the chilling and very real experiments, dangerous emerging technologies, and terrifying natural disasters that soon could—or very nearly already did—bring about the end of humanity. In short, everything in here will kill you and everyone you love. At any moment. And nobody’s told you about it—until now: • Experiments in green energy like the HiPER, which uses massive lasers to create a tiny “contained” sun; it’s an idea that could save the world if it doesn’t consume us all in a fiery fusion reaction first. • Global disasters like the hypercane—a hurricane so large it could cover all of North America and shoot trailer parks into space! • Terrifying new developments in robotics like the EATR, which powers itself on meat—an invention in the running for “Worst Decision Made by Anybody.” From the Trade Paperback edition.

From the writer of the cult sensation John Dies at the End comes another terrifying and hilarious tale of almost Armageddon at the hands of two hopeless heroes. WARNING: You may have a huge, invisible spider living in your skull. THIS IS NOT A METAPHOR. You will dismiss this as ridiculous fear-mongering. Dismissing things as ridiculous fear-mongering is, in fact, the first symptom of parasitic spider infection -- the creature secretes a chemical into the brain to stimulate skepticism, in order to prevent you from seeking a cure. That's just as well, since the "cure" involves learning what a chainsaw tastes like. You can't feel the spider, because it controls your nerve endings. You can't see it, because it decides what you see. You won't even feel it when it breeds. And it will breed. So what happens when your family, friends and neighbors get mind-controlling skull spiders? We're all about to find out. Just stay calm, and remember that telling you about the spider situation is not the same as having caused it. I'm just the messenger. Even if I did sort of cause it. Either way, I won't hold it against you if you're upset. I know that's just the spider talking.

Weird and terrifying and that's the good guys ... SHAWN OF THE DEAD meets GHOSTBUSTERS filtered through a very twisted mind tHE LOCAtION: Undisclosed tHE tHREAt: UnconFirmed (but scary as hell) OUR ONLY HOPE: two high school dropouts who really have better things to do with their time than prevent the apocalypse Its street name is Soy Sauce - a drug that lets its users drift across time and dimensions. But sometimes, those who come back bring something with them. Suddenly, a silent otherworldly invasion is underway, and mankind needs a hero. What it gets instead is John and David, a pair of dropouts who can barely hold down jobs. Can these two stop the oncoming horror in time to save humanity? No. No, they can't ... "Wong is like a mash-up of Douglas Adams and Stephen King ... 'page-turner' is an understatement." Don Coscarelli, Director, PHANtASM I-IV, BUBBA HO-tEP "compelling-against-all-odds ... laugh-out-loud funny" KIRKUS REVIEWS "the book's smart take on fear manages to tap into readers' existential dread on one page, then have them laughing the next." PUBLISHERS WEEKLY

Welcome to Brine, an impossible and decaying city where death need not be the end. Even as the city expands, the citizens' unrest grows. And the phantasmagorical lands Between will tolerate the city's intrusion no longer. Between. A shadow realm of nightmare and madness. Always there, just on the other side of the mirror, but its inhabitants have their own ideas. Pulled back into a world of intrigue and terror, can an investigator unravel the secrets of his murdered love? Maybe if he can survive the terrors from Between long enough. Everything's about to break.

It's the story "They" don't want you to read. Though, to be fair, "They" are probably right about this one. To quote the Bible, "Learning the truth can be like loosening a necktie, only to realize it was the only thing keeping your head attached." No, don't put the book back on the shelf -- it is now your duty to purchase it to prevent others from reading it. Yes, it works with e-books, too, I don't have time to explain how. While investigating a fairly straightforward case of a shape-shifting interdimensional child predator, Dave, John and Amy realized there might actually be something weird going on. Together, they navigate a diabolically convoluted maze of illusions, lies, and their own incompetence in an attempt to uncover a terrible truth they -- like you -- would be better off not knowing. Your first impulse will be to think that a story this gruesome -- and, to be frank, stupid -- cannot possibly be true. That is precisely the reaction "They" are hoping for. John Dies at the End's "smart take on fear manages to tap into readers' existential dread on one page, then have them laughing the next" (Publishers Weekly) and This Book is Full of Spiders was "unlike any other book of the genre" (Washington Post). Now, New York Times bestselling author David Wong is back with What the Hell Did I Just Read, the third installment of this black-humored thriller series.

You weren't always an agent of the apocalypse. You used to be a banker. Who knew that too much coffee and a few bad decisions would lead to the end of the world? Life as a corporate drone was killing S.P. Doyle, so he decided to bring down the whole corrupt system from the inside. But after discovering something monstrous in the bank's files, he was framed for murder and trapped inside a conspiracy beyond reason. Now Doyle's doing his best to survive against a nightmare cabal of crooked conglomerates, DNA-doped mutants, drug-addled freak show celebs, experimental surgeons, depraved doomsday cults, and the ultra-bad mojo of a full-blown Hexadrine habit. Joined by his pet turtle Deckard, and Dara, a beautiful missionary with a murderous past, Doyle must find a way to save humankind and fight the terrible truth at the heart of... SKULLCRACK CITY

When the Internet suddenly stops working, society reels from the loss of flowing data and streaming entertainment. Addicts wander the streets talking to themselves in 140 characters or forcing cats to perform tricks for their amusement, while the truly desperate pin their requests for casual encounters on public bulletin boards. The economy tumbles and the government passes the draconian NET Recovery Act. For Gladstone, the Net's disappearance comes particularly hard, following the loss of his wife, leaving his flask of Jamesons and grandfather's fedora as the only comforts in his Brooklyn apartment. But there are rumors that someone in New York is still online. Someone set apart from this new world where Facebook flirters "poke" each other in real life and members of Anonymous trade memes at secret parties. Where a former librarian can sell information as a human search engine and the perverted fulfill their secret fetishes at the blossoming Rule 34 club. With the help of his friends---a blogger and a webcam girl, both now out of work---Gladstone sets off to find the Internet. But is he the right man to save humanity from this Apocalypse? For those of you wondering if you have WiFi right now, Wayne Gladstone's Notes from the Internet Apocalypse examines the question "What is life without the Web?"

From antidisestablishmentarianism to zo, a unrivaled collection of today's greatest words! Have you ever wondered what the longest word in the dictionary is? Or the origin of your go-to curse word? With The Book of Word Records, you'll uncover hundreds of bizarre, ugly, gross, and otherwise extreme words that have what it takes to break some serious records. From the seven longest speeches ever given to twelve of the most popular passwords used today, each of these entries reveals the history behind the world's most noteworthy expressions and fascinating details on how they stack up against the competition. You'll also learn how to step up your vocabulary with pronunciations, definitions, and sample sentences for each award-winning word. Whether you're a Scrabble champ looking to get a high score or just want to impress those around you, The Book of Word Records is sure to surprise even the most skilled wordsmith with its one-of-a-kind superlative lists.

Bloodier than Fried Green Tomatoes! Funnier than The Texas Chainsaw Massacre! Welcome to Gil's All Night Diner, where zombie attacks are a regular occurrence and you never know what might be lurking in the freezer . . . Duke and Earl are just passing through Rockwood county in their pick-up truck when they stop at the Diner for a quick bite to eat. They aren't planning to stick around-until Loretta, the eatery's owner, offers them $100 to take care of her zombie problem. Given that Duke is a werewolf and Earl's a vampire, this looks right up their alley. But the shambling dead are just the tip of a particularly spiky iceberg. Seems someone's out to drive Loretta from the Diner, and more than willing to raise a little Hell on Earth if that's what it takes. Before Duke and Earl get to the bottom of the Diner's troubles, they'll run into such otherworldly complications as undead cattle, an amorous ghost, a jailbait sorceress, and the terrifying occult power of pig-latin. And maybe--just maybe--the End of the World, too. Gory, sexy, and flat-out hilarious, Gil's All Fright Diner will tickle your funnybone--before ripping it out of its socket! At the Publisher's request, this title is being sold without Digital Rights Management Software (DRM) applied.

Anders Jensen is having a bad month. His roommate is a data thief, his girlfriend picks fights in bars, and his best friend is a cyborg…and a lousy tipper. When everything is spiraling out of control, though, maybe those are exactly the kind of friends you need. In a world divided between the genetically engineered elite and the unmodified masses, Anders is an anomaly: engineered, but still broke and living next to a crack house. All he wants is to land a tenure-track faculty position, and maybe meet someone who’s not technically a criminal-but when a nightmare plague rips through Hagerstown, Anders finds himself dodging kinetic energy weapons and government assassins as Baltimore slips into chaos. His friends aren’t as helpless as they seem, though, and his girlfriend’s street-magician brother-in-law might be a pretentious hipster - or might hold the secret to saving them all. Frenetic and audacious, Three Days in April is a speculative thriller that raises an important question: once humanity goes down the rabbit hole, can we ever find our way back?

For fans of The Sidemen, a hilariously spooky choose-your-own-adventure book from YouTube sensation Joe Weller. Join Joe as he explores a haunted hotel, where petrifying paranormal surprises can lurk in every dark corner. You can stick with Joe or you can choose your own path and make your way through the building as you encounter long eerie corridors, experience horrific chills and not to forget, you may witness Joe behaving like an absolute nut-job. Enter at your own peril. And be sure to bring a torch with you as it's going to be one unforgettable adventure.

A woman who has lost her memory in a Maine seaside town, tries to determine who she can trust, including the phantom suitors in her dreams, in the first volume of a new fantasy trilogy by the authors of Dragonlance. 30,000 first printing.

“At some point, I began to think of it as an ancient folk tale. It’s fine work, with a kind of scattered narrative set within a tight frame. Fast-moving throughout—fragile characters who suggest a bleak inner world made in their own collective image.” —Don DeLillo An epidemic of violence is sweeping the country: musicians are being murdered onstage in the middle of their sets by members of their audience. Are these random copycat killings, or is something more sinister at work? Has music itself become corrupted in a culture where everything is available, everybody is a "creative," and attention spans have dwindled to nothing? With its cast of ambitious bands, yearning fans, and enigmatic killers, Destroy All Monsters tells a haunted and romantic story of overdue endings and unlikely beginnings that will resonate with anybody who’s ever loved rock and roll. Like a classic vinyl single, Destroy All Monsters has two sides, which can be read in either order. At the heart of Side A, “My Dark Ages,” is Xenie, a young woman who is repulsed by the violence of the epidemic but who still finds herself drawn deeper into the mystery. Side B, "Kill City," follows an alternate history, featuring familiar characters in surprising roles, and burrows deeper into the methods and motivations of the murderers. “Surges with new-century anxiety and paranoia . . . A clear-eyed, stone-cold vision of what’s to come.” —Ben Marcus “Jeff Jackson is one of contemporary American fiction’s most sterling and gifted new masters. Destroy All Monsters . . . is a wonder to behold.” —Dennis Cooper