​12-STEP GROUPS

What they are

Based on the principles and traditions originated by Alcoholics Anonymous, 12-step groups offer a practical and spiritual program of recovery from out-of-control sexual behavior (a.k.a. "sexual addiction"), including problem pornography use. At their (typically) one hour meetings, excerpts from 12-step literature are read aloud and participants are invited to share their experience, strength, and hope in recovery. For the most part, groups are not limited to problem pornography users, but someone struggling with a pornography problem is welcome at any of them. Also, in our experience, the fastest growing group of attendees at 12-step meetings is made up of those struggling with porn.

Ease of getting started

Just pick a meeting and go. Most meetings are open to anyone wanting to stop their own problem behavior, regardless of age, race, religious preference, sexual identity, or gender identity. Some groups publish their meeting times and locations online. Others require you to call a group representative for meeting information, who will ask a few (anonymous) questions to make sure you are sincere about attending and that the group would be right for you. Many groups also hold “virtual” meetings via teleconference and online.

Human contact

Lots of it at the in-person meetings, less via teleconference/online meetings. Group members tend to have a variety of experiences with out-of-control sexual behaviors, many (if not most, these days) including problem pornography use. Chances are very high that in any group, you will meet someone who shares your struggle with porn.

Anonymity/confidentiality

Maintaining anonymity and confidentiality is a cornerstone principle of 12-step programs, and tends to be taken seriously by the groups. Only first names are used in meetings. But, trust in fellow group members is a big component of these programs. As with any situation where you must put your trust in strangers, there are risks. There is no absolute guarantee that you will not see someone you know at a meeting, or that someone in your group will not talk about you outside of it. In our experience, however, 12-step groups tend to be reliably "safe" spaces to discuss your struggle with porn without fear of exposure.

Cost

Meetings are free of charge, though regular attendees are asked to contribute what they can to support the group’s overhead for meeting space, brochures, etc.

Spiritual/religious component

12-step programs emphasize spiritual healing as a necessary component of stopping problem behavior, including problem porn use. Many groups emphasize that “spiritual” does not mean “religious,” and in those groups no religious doctrine is taught or endorsed at meetings (though some attendees may talk about their own religious beliefs when sharing their stories of recovery). Other groups that tend toward the more religious (typically Christian) end of the spectrum may lean more heavily on religious principles at meetings. Those groups will generally be clear about that with you up front. In our experience, however, even overtly religous-leaning groups support and welcome non-religious attendees.

Pro tips

The groups listed below have the same basic mission of helping people overcome problem behavior by applying 12-step principles, but each offers its own variation on the theme. For example, Sexaholics Anonymous groups generally have a more conservative definition of "sexual sobriety" than Sex Addicts Anonymous groups. If possible, it may be worthwhile to attend meetings of several different groups to determine which is the best fit for you. Links are also provided below to some commentary on the variation among the groups.

​If the groups below don’t have an in-person meeting in your area, or you want to get a sense of what 12-step programs are all about without committing to attending one that specifically addresses sexual behavior, try attending an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting instead. AA meetings are widespread, they’re run very similarly to meetings of the groups below, and they welcome anyone to attend. (We know of one man who struggled with porn, for example, whose first 12-step meeting for his porn addiction was an AA meeting. When the time came to introduce himself to the group, he simply said "Hi, I'm ________, I think I'm an addict. I know this is an AA group, but I didn't know where else to go." The group welcomed him with open arms.)

Links

Established 12-Step Groups

Sex Addicts Anonymous - home page for SAA, with program literature, information about whether SAA is right for you, and lists of meetings worldwide, including tele-meetings and online meetings.

​Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous - home page for SLAA, with program literature, information about whether SLAA is right for you, and lists of meetings worldwide, including tele-meetings and online meetings.

Sexaholics Anonymous - home page for SA, with program literature, information about whether SA is right for you, and lists of meetings worldwide, including tele-meetings and online meetings.

Porn Anonymous - home page for PA, with info about online and in-person meetings, program literature, blog, and an online members' forum.

Sexual Compulsives Anonymous - home page for SCA, with program literature, information about whether SCA is right for you, and lists of meetings worldwide, including tele-meetings and online meetings.

SA Lifeline 12-Step - home page for the 12-step programs for men and women developed by the SA Lifeline Foundation, including literature, information about recovery, and a list of meetings in AK, AZ, ID, UT, and online.

Sexual Recovery Anonymous - home page for SRA, with program literature, information about whether SRA is right for you, and a list of SRA meetings in CA, GA, LA, MO, MT, NJ, NY (including NYC), SD, TX, UT, and VA. The site also lists a phone number for information about a meeting in the Oxford, United Kingdom area.