Random Musings

Paramedics Rule

In September, I took a really bad tumble in a stock room. Although I didn’t know it at the time, it turned out that I had broken my hip in three places. At first, I stubbornly refused to believe that I had seriously hurt myself and kept trying to pull myself up with the assistance of a chair. With each attempt it became more clear that standing was not in my future that day. I finally let the manager call an ambulance. When the two paramedics arrived they were very cool and we joked around with each other. I told them I knew they were straight but my people had a word for guys like them. One of the guys asked what the word was and I simply said: “HOT”. They told me that adrenaline was masking the pain which was true because I was feeling little discomfort. They asked if it would be ok to lift me onto the gurney and I said: “Yes, please”. I’m embarrassed to say that the pain kicked in when they lifted me up and I screamed achieving the highest note I think has ever passed my lips (a person in the medical field told me you reaction was normal with a broken bone but it was still embarrassing). They had to take me to the freight elevator which was on the other side of floor. As they were pushing my gurney, I felt like the grand marshal at a parade. I was followed by concerned fellow employees, gawkers and curiosity seekers. I was waving to the crowd and tossing off one liners. If I had bags of candy I would have thrown them to the gathered crowd. We took the freight elevator to the ground floor which was the same. Once I got into the ambulance (with no shocks), it was a different story. The driver was busy hitting every pot hole while the other guy was inserting an IV. If you can avoid it, never have an IV inserted while in a moving, bucking vehicle. Getting settled into the hospital is a tale for another day. The pain pills are starting to work.

I will have to admit, I would be far less interested in a paramedic that can’t get an IV going while in a moving ambulance while trying to get a girl’s number. Not a multitasker. Now, a paramedic that can do all that while leaving your veins intact with a minimum of pain… He is a keeper!

I have serious problems getting an IV or just taking my blood. They blow up my veins, miss them, can’t find them, poke around hoping, and finally give up. So when I leave the hospital I am black and blue from hand to upper arm on both arms and it looks like an 18 wheeler ran over me and backed up and did it again!