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Triumph

(PG-13, Crude humor) “The sun – just one more of the many big stars that refused to show up to this event.” Aaaand that’s about the only thing we can safely quote about Triumph the Insult Comic Dog’s recent trip to Washington.

British motorcycle maker Triumph sets its eyes on the future with five successors to the Bonneville. These new models bring more powerful engines, improved chassis and suspension, new assistive technology and damn good looks. More at Bike EXIF.

One of only three custom Scramblers used in Jurassic World. One of its copies is with star Chris Pratt and the other is on display at Triumph’s headquarters. Proceeds will be split between four prostate cancer research groups.

(NSFW: Language) Triumph says he wasn’t allowed to perform some of his jokes on NBC’s Today, so he went to find a network for him to poop on. Good thing he’s always welcome at Conan’s show. Well, maybe not anymore.

GOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL! Triumph the Insult Comic Dog is too indifferent to get on a plane and fly to Brazil, so he enjoys World Cup 2014 from the relative comfort of Queens, NYC. Final score: Triumph 3 Uruguay 1.

(NSFW: Language) Our favorite insult comic dog stops by Colorado’s Great American Beer Festival to poke fun at the army of hirsute small-batch microbrew aficionados who turned out. Though by the end, Triumph needs a bigger fix.