Thursday, December 3, 2015

The Worst College Essay Ever

Some of my friends from school had an assignment in
which they had to write the worst college essay ever. I’ve decided I’m going to
take on that challenge. Behold, the worst college essay ever.

I have had many experiences in my life that have led me
to believe that I am a kind, caring, and ambitious human being; the kind of
human being you want walking around your college campus. The following stories
are listed to display my many attributes:

My caring personality blossomed when I was very young. In
the first grade, my friend Jason got in trouble with his parents and wasn’t
able to play video games for a whole month. I was moved by Jason’s tears,
because I am sensitive and caring. Jason was a good boy and deserved to be able
to play video games. And so, I took care of his problem for him; I simply
“removed” his parents. Now, Jason gets to play video games all he wants. When
his parents disappeared, he cried for a while, but I would probably be
emotional too if I got to play video games without people bothering me. This
story shows that I am a compassionate individual and will go great lengths to help
my friends.

In middle school, I noticed that the nearby homeless
shelter needed donations to take care of the people who live there. Being the
kind person that I am, I decided to start a club at my school to conduct
fundraisers for the shelter. I named it the Karing Klub for Kids. I was so
excited about the Klub that I went out and got us all snazzy white hoodies with
pointed hoods (to stand out) with our abbreviated logo on the front. I had some
troubles with membership as well as approval from the school board but it was a
good initiative and that’s what matters.

High school came along and my parents started pressuring
me to get a job. Our town burger joint was hiring so I got a job there. About a
few months into the job, the restaurant stopped receiving beef shipments from
its providers and we were starting to run out of paddies. Being the resourceful
and ambitious individual that I am, I started harvesting meat from the fresher corpses
from the nearby cemetery. Now, the restaurant is doing its all-time best and
I’m in talks with my manager for a promotion. I’m already moving up in the
world and I haven’t even gone to college yet!

Hopefully these stories have given you some insight into
the kind of person I am and how I will make a great addition at your college.
You’re welcome.