Blog Brother Episode 17 – I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter

I’m leaving for Ottawa in the morning and I’ve got no time to waste (yes, that’s how long ago I wrote this), so let’s get right down to business.

The HOH competition is still going on. Boogie’s going for the money. Dan’s going for safety. Ashley’s going for… who knows (it’s safety). Danielle’s sliding all over the place. Haha. And… so is Ian. HAHAHA, Ashley is like… barely moving. At all. “I dunno guys, slow and steady wins the race.” “Not when you’re competing against Shane.” Danielle, Shane, and Ian are all going for the HOH. Boogie seems to be the only one going for the prize money. I guess everyone else is going for safety. Britney’s lookin’ real good. And she wins safety! Dan claims he’s going for HOH now, but I don’t see any way he can catch up at this point. So it looks like everyone’s done except for Danielle, Shane, and Ian. “Slow it down now Ash…” Boogie wins the $10K. Somehow Dan has passed Ian? Shane’s still in the lead, but Danielle’s catching up to him and Dan’s catching up to her. Oh, but Shane is RIGHT up there. And he gets it. Shane wins HOH. BOOM.

Sounds like most of the house is pretty happy. The Quack Pack is happy. The Silent Six are happy. Jenn, Ashley, and Joe are completely on the outs, as always. Sounds like Ian and Britney want the Silent Six to be finished, however, as they both want a move to be made to oust Frank or Boogie.

WHO WANTS TO SEE MY HOH ROOM?!?!?!! !BLLAAHEHGHG! Too bad Shane didn’t get a letter from Dozer, RIGHT?! Uh oh, Jenn’s going up stairs LATE! How awkward is her entrance! TOTES AWKWARD! Jenn’s not feeling too good. Jenn had to shed a couple tears man. WHY NOT SHED A TATTOO WHILE YOU’RE AT IT? #doesntmakesense

Ian’s telling Britney that Boogie’s coming after her and Shane. UH OH! Time for Britney to convince Shane that Frank and Boogie need to go home. QUACK PACK MEETING! Ian and Britney are really fighting to get Chilltown sent home.

Joe is telling people really boring stories about his watch. Now he’s claiming that his family used to own the land the White House sits on. He broke his ass bone twice. “I named ‘I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter’.” Oh Joe.

Aw, now Ian’s asking Ashley on a date. THE LOVE TRIANGLE CONTINUES!!! Ian, in order to prepare for his date, is letting Britney do some manscaping on his armpits. So Britney’s using Shane’s hair removal cream on his armpit forests. “In real life, beautiful women don’t hold me down and rub things on my body very often, so this is a special occasion.” “Ian’s like a baby gorilla, it’s just like 9 inches of hair coming up.” Did Britney just say it’s like a multi-ferrett? Apparently the cream tingles. Now it’s burning. Britney’s retching. Now all the girls are clapping. They’re impressed with Ian’s new armpit look.

So Ian makes Ashley a pizza. “This should be fun” he says as they sit at the table in COMPLETE SILENCE. Oh Ian. You gotta get some game brother. This is unbearable. They’re talking about what they ate for lunch. Now they’re talking about Ian’s bowel movements. So, Ashley’s come to realize that the two of them are just really good friends. Wow. Ian thinks the date went well. WOW.

He’s having fun…She’s having fun…GUD DATE RITE?!

Shane’s telling Joe that he’s thinking of getting rid of Boogie and Frank. Joe’s fully on board. He said that he’s fully willing to leave this house helping Shane win. Joe said he’d throw himself in front of a bus for Shane. Wow, he’s like… really on board. Sounds like Shane’s got a pretty solid plan for this week.

Now Ian, Boogie, and Dan are talking about what Big Brother may have up their sleeve for future iterations of the game. He thinks that they’ll have Big Brother: Good Vs. Evil and he thinks that he’d end up on the evil team. Really Ian? I don’t think there’s a person alive who would buy that.

Frank’s come into the house and found a trail of balls leading to the… room. Arcade room? Is that what they call it? Inside, there’s a claw machine filled with plastic balls and a cube with a question mark on it. Ian’s first impulse is that Pandora’s Box is back.

Time for nominations. Britney is exempt. Danielle is safe. Dan is safe. Jenn is safe. Ashley is safe. Joe is safe. Ian is safe. Shane went through with his plan to nominate Frank and Boogie. Boogie should be happy. He keeps considering it an insult when people don’t nominate him, right? Shane should have just told Boogie that he’s doing it out of respect.