Professional birther troll and ugly haired human, Donald Trump has been parading around this week alleging that he had a bombshell so big that it was "bordering on gigantic." A story so big that it would "possibly" change the state of the election. "Possibly," everybody.

Early rumors today reported on Radar Online said that Obama might have sold a little bit of cocaine in college. But hoo boy, it seems Trump has found some long lost divorce papers drawn up by Michelle Obama.

For a birther that's like not getting the shiny red bike you wanted for Christmas, but getting some cool video game anyway — it's not perfect, but it'll do.

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Doug Kass, a financial author and frequent CNBC guest, was the first to start the rumor mill this morning with a well placed tweet:

HIgh above the Alps my Gnome has heard that Donald Trump will announce that he has unearthed divorce papers between the Prez and his wife.

Of course Trump's "bombshell," if it does turn out to be this story, isn't really a bombshell at all. The near-divorce has been rumored since back in early May when Edward Klein spoke about them in his Obama bashing book, "The Amateur: Barack Obama in the White House." Klein says that Michelle drew up the papers after Barack lost a U.S. House race to Bobby L. Rush in the year 2000.

A Trump rep neither confirmed nor denied the divorce paper rumors to the DailyMail, but this has typical Trump sleaze and disappointment written all over it.

Trump has been married three times, most famously to his first wife Ivana, who stole the show in The First Wives Club with her signature line: "don't get mad, get everything." If there's one person who knows his ways around some good old divorce papers it's Trump.

This failed divorce might be a good thing for Obama. It'll force the campaign to put Michelle out on the stump more often in these last two weeks and we all know her popularity numbers are way higher than her husband's. This could also make the president seem a little more human and make the Obamas the anti-Romney-robot family.

Since 50% of marriages end in divorce, it's pretty unlikely that one out of the two candidates hasn't at least come a little bit close to ending their marriage at some point. Somebody just make sure Malia and Sasha are alright.