Robert Pattinson Responds! The Official Press Release

We've gotten press releases from both Kristen Stewart AND Rupert Sanders about the fallout from Twi-Gate (has anyone called it Twi-Gate yet? Because we're calling it that). But what of the aggrieved Robert Pattinson? Thankfully, GQ got an exclusive first look at R-Pattz's forthcoming public statement on the matter.

She seemed so happy, you know? Except for when she was pouting and refusing to talk, which I guess she did a lot. Was it something I did? I just wanna...

[bites bottom lip to simulate anger]

I feel so... What's that feeling where someone is loyal to you and then they're suddenly not loyal? I feel unloyaled to.

[stares wistfully into camera with mouth partially open]

I can't take this right now.

[stares down at the floor at an angle to simulate deep thought]

I remember when we first met, you know? And I was like, "Hi, I'm Rob." And she was like, "Ummm." And I was like, "Yeah." And she was like, "Ummm." And then I was like, "Ummm." And she was like, "Yeah." You don't make that kind of connection with someone every day, you know? So for her to go out and cheat on me with Walt Disney... I don't know how to react to that other than...