Korean Nuclear Missile To Crush Godzilla, Capitalism

Note: Today's story was originally reported on the news site All Day Kimchi

For too long have most blessed workers in glorious North Korean nation sacrificed and suffered defeat at the hands of Japanese imperialist overlord Godzilla. But that day is over and it is over today.

After years of personal scientific toil, Fearless Leader Kim Jong Il has singlehandedly perfected a nuclear device, which was tested successfully today. In celebration workers will be rewarded with shortened, 99-hour work weeks and an extra bowl of rice per family (families who forgo rice will be noted by intelligence services and commended).

Godzilla has been threatening worker harmony with his flame-tongue and building-stomp since 1956, and it is time for him to be punished. It is well known that our enemies in Japan resurrected Godzilla after their loss in World War Two. Fearless Leader plans next to build nuclear Death Ray that will let him do battle with Godzilla face to face.

The international community, who has suckled too long on the teat of capitalism, should congratulate North Korea for providing greater stability. "United Nations" has not stopped giant fire-breathing lizard attacks, said our Blessed Senior Worker Kim. “City after city falls to Godzilla's rapacious appetite, and no sanctions are called against him. Nothing will stop us from self determination and having a Godzilla-free Korean peninsula.

It is Fearless Leader's promise to develop additional monster-fighting weaponry, including a giant robot samurai called the KIM (Kim-Inspired Munitions). The giant flying robot samurai will be complete in two years, and will surely crush all enemies.

Blessed leader Kim Jong Il, appearing as a clever diplomat, hinted that he would cease and desist all production of nuclear materials if he is guaranteed a limitless supply of Elvis Crazy's Bouffant Sculpting Wax for Men.

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