Tuesday, December 15, 2015

The Big Fat Mermaid by Dweezel and Pallie

This post is part of a virtual book tour organized by Goddess Fish Promotions. Dweezel and Pallie will be awarding a $30 Amazon/BN GC to a randomly drawn winner via rafflecopter during the tour. Click on the tour banner to see the other stops on the tour.

She's nasty, she's gross, and she's anything but little. All Aria the mermaid princess wants is to stuff her face full of food, but what happens when her dad, the king, tries to stop her? The answer: laughs beyond belief! Watch as Aria deals with her mean dad, a chubby-chasing prince, a harpoon wielding sea captain, and, in a grand final battle, the monstrous water witch herself.

Aria will bite, belch, and fart her way into your heart in this second installment of the Funny Stories for Kids series, brought to you by the famed Dweezel and Pallie.

Enjoy an excerpt:

Outside, at the prince’s stables, with the smell of hay and horse...

“Maybe the dancing was a little too much to start with,” said Daniel, wearing riding pants and readying a fine dappled mare. “A nice, peaceful ride in the country will be the perfect way to show you the principality!”

“I dunno…” said Aria, eyeing the big animal uneasily.

“Don’t worry,” said Daniel. “You’ll love it!”

Daniel gave orders for a servant to help lift Aria onto the horse. After he screamed out in pain, clutching his back, more servants were called. Grunting and pushing with all their might they managed to get Aria onto the horse.

The horses legs began to shake.

“Uh-oh!” called a servant. “Stand back.”

“My dapple!” cried the fat, bald groom.

“It’s too late,” said a man, holding the groom back. “There’s no helping her now…”

A few loud snaps, then horse collapsed.

It was dead.

About the Author:

Dr. Dweezel and Professor Pallie have become famed in their respective fields for outstanding contributions. For nearly a decade they have collaborated on the recording of lost ancient texts and tales.

My favorite books ever are the Harry Potter books and The Lord of the Rings, followed by the Fablehaven series by Brandon Mull, and just about anything written by Orson Scott Card (the author of Ender’s Game).

I'm also currently plodding my way through old literature and just started Wuthering Heights, but I'm not necessarily enjoying that one yet...