Forum:So then

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Basically...

...so long, people. It was a lot of fun but I got too hooked - luckily I have a life too so I can fall back onto that. I might come back some day, and maybe throw some shit every now and then, but any major stuff - nope. Except that one bit with RAHB. We're married you see. Thanks all who co-operated with me on things, it was all great. To all those who choose to be dicks about humour: nothing. --StyleGuide 20:10, December 17, 2009 (UTC)

Could you post an angry, long-winded, semi-literate rant on your way out? Thanks.... pillow talk 20:18, December 17, 2009 (UTC)

Is it OK like that? Note how "NOOBS" is written in a semi-literate way. --StyleGuide 20:30, December 17, 2009 (UTC)

Christ, people can't even quit right anymore. Let me help you out.

Well, here it is in a nutshell. I'm done with anal, for good. Many of you barely know me, and therefore, this letter will have little to no effect on you. But it's been over three years since the first time I ever tried anal, and I've seen the many good and bad sides of the sex act in those 36 months. And, well, here's your little anecdote for the day:

The first time I had heard of anal, I thought "There's no way it's better than blowjobs". I thought it was just some cheap imitation, and nobody really cared either way. Then, after a few weeks of taking it, I was hooked. And my views changed. I found out that it was, in fact, one of the greatest pleasures that has ever been and ever will be. But that was back when I only saw the headboard, when I never actually knew any of the people behind me. Then, months later, I began working for crack money. This account was the first active part I've taken in Club Anal. And, of course, this was my first time in the forums. I learned all about the people who take the dick, give it life, and make it what it is. And, with this new knowledge, I reverted back to my original beliefs: Anal is not better than blowjobs. The anal community is getting more screwed over by the day, and nobody seems to be doing anything to fix it.

With that note, I'd like to take some time to go over the issues I've found. First off, I'm going to bring up the Swimming subject. I realize this has been done time and time again, but it is still a major issue. The swimmers have too much power. They can do whatever they want, and, hell, they don't even have to consult anyone first. What we need is a working counsel. Admins need to consult with other people before they make major decisions, such as the figurative "Bang-Hammer". I realize, to you, banging someone is just as simple as pressing a button and forgetting about it. And if you bang someone who just made an account a day ago and is tampering with every act of anal they see, then I completely agree with your decision. But banging someone who has been a longtime member of the company is not something to be sex-toyed around with. To the person who is banged, you're taking away something they hold dear, a "fart" of them, if you will. This is why such matters need to be discussed before action is taken, so that a solution that nobody agrees with can come into being.

*cough*WE NEED A PRE-STRESSED CONCRETE DICK*cough*

Second off is the subject of dealing with troublemakers. And not in the "You're banned" way. In the "Warning" way. I see it all the time in the forums. If someone is doing something wrong, like giving blowjobs while delivering anal or making bad wardrobe decisions, you leave them a message on their talk page. You don't chew them out in front of the entire community. That's called "public humiliation", and it never solves anything, although it always feels so good to all parties involved. If you're telling someone they screwed up in front of an entire group of people, think about how they will feel. Reading your comment, they won't be thinking, "Oh, I guess I'd better fix this problem, then", they'll be thinking, "That asshole! Everyone's going to think I'm a loser now!". That doesn't solve any problem, does it? They will just come back for more and hope you will rape them proper this time.

Third off is going to be a controversial subject, and I'll probably get a load of crap from the shit-cannon about it. Insults. I see it so much. Someone makes a mistake, and you automatically file it under "Being a dick", and you insult them. "Noob", "Idiot", "Dumbass", take your pick. And before this goes any further, just let me get across: I am not excusing myself from being guilty of any and all of this behavior. I simply wanted to alert you all to this issue, so that you could do with it what you will. But regardless of who you insult: a long-cocked member, a new guy just starting out and learning the ropes, or an IP trying to create a new style of anal, they are all really sexy people. Somewhere out there, somebody is getting hurt from your huge cock. I hear all the time, "IP's are not real people". They ARE real people. And they have REAL intestines. That you HURT. So, it's your choice what to do now. You can ease up on the constant rape, or you can just be another shit-slinging monkey. Your choice.

Finally, there are a couple of people I'd like to thank. Three people who made my time here enjoyable. First, I'd like to thank Peter North. Many of you regular forum-users may remember him as "The 10 Inch Wonder". I know, he was an ass then. But he was just a new guy, learning what the company (and later what being a famous porn star) was all about. And, hell, I admit, I was one of the most awful people to him. But then I actually took some time to get to know him, and you know what? He's a pretty cool guy. All he wants is to make some friends on here, just like we all do. BJ:s to him. Second, I'd like to thank Samwise Gamjee. He is, in all honesty, the coolest Hobbit and Bottom we've ever had, and the only one I don't have a problem with. She always had a way of making everything cool and fun. And if she had a problem with something you were doing, she would come and talk about your private parts. And it wouldn't be like she was yelling at you, either. It was like she was just sitting there comfortably with you, just telling you how to be a better contributer to the company, with a smile on her face. Cunnilingus to her. Finally, I'd like to thank John C. Compton. Pretty much the only established member here who actually took the time to be a nice and friendly guy. He'll be your friend no matter how stupid and annoying you are, and you really are that. Fuck you.

Well, that's it. My resignation letter. My final goodbyes. Feel free to write whatever crap about me you want to in this forum. I'll be coming back, but I won't be reading it anyway.

As a last note, I just want to say, Double Anal was the best idea I ever had, hands down. Please, please take care of it. Don't let it end up like Hamster Anal.

Awwww - thanks Opty! I didn't have attention span to read any of it - but can it be summed up like this:

U ALL SUCK

I'm teh greatest

NOOMBS

DICKS?

If it can, I'm in your debt.

-- StyleGuide 05:35, December 18, 2009 (UTC) (The actual one this time)

Goodbye. I'd say that I'd miss you, but I have no idea who you are. Are you the pasty white kid who is terrible at both sports and public speaking? SirModusoperandiBoinc! 22:31, December 17, 2009 (UTC)

No, I'm that black dude who runs three miles a day and makes terrific speeches. --StyleGuide 07:41, December 18, 2009 (UTC)