The Road

Monday, August 14, 2017

Periodically I think back to 2009 when I unexpectedly was
removed from my job of 16 years.
Suddenly you feel worthless and unimportant. You feel abandoned. Your former company doesn’t want you. Your former coworkers mostly shun you. And
you avoid your friends because you want to hide just how badly you are messed
up at the moment. Since I began searching
at the very weakest point of the job market, no one wanted to talk to me about
being “valuable” again (one interview in the first eight months). I felt worthless and abandoned. In despair, you
wonder if your life will ever have meaning or worth again.

When you are in this pit your faith sustains you. It causes
you to raise your hand through the mire and expect God to lift you out. Which
he does, because he is God and He’s very good at such things. You also then expect Him to immediately
restore you right back to where you were.
But that’s not the way it works.
It took me four years of struggle to get back. Several times it was so
arduous I wanted to quit, but I kept going until I made it. Why does it take so long? Because you learn
things in the pit you can’t learn anywhere else and you gain strength though
the struggle back you can’t get anywhere else.

I was prompted to remember this during a week where I was
interviewed (again) by the Wall Street Journal, interviewed for an hour on
national radio and worked diligently on a lengthy, costly, analysis for a
large, foreign, international firm. It would
appear that my work has some worth again. And I don’t say this to brag at all. It’s
just to illustrate the distance I have travel and how insipid those awful
thoughts were in 2009. I still view my
circumstances with a bit of child-like wonderment, always cognizant of where this
chapter of my life began.

And just so I don’t float away holding on to this magical
balloon, there are anchors which keep my feet on The Road. After this exciting, exhausting week, I
fortunately began my summer vacation. It’s
often difficult for me to unwind, relax and turn my mind to non-work-related
matters as my vacation begins. That was
not the case this year.

On the first day, I learned of the death of my classmate
Bob. He was a great guy who I was able
to reconnect with a couple years ago.
There was a tremendous outpouring of grief and remembrance from friends
and family on Facebook. Bob’s passing wasn’t unexpected, he had suffered a
stroke a few days earlier. It did shake
me because Bob was a year younger than me.
It’s totally illogical, but those who die younger than you push
mortality closer to your face than others.

Then early morning of day two, I was shocked and deeply
saddened by the passing of my Canadian friend and colleague Claude. His death
was totally unexpected. He’s fine, we’re
always corresponding on Facebook, and boom, he’s gone. I was shaken again,
stronger this time, because Claude was only 53 years old. I reflected on Claude and our friendship. I
asked myself the question: What person do you know who is the most like
Claude? Who would you compare him to? The answer to this question turned the shakes
into a quaking. A deep quaking because that person stares back at me in the
mirror every day.

This caused me to forget about work and meditate on more spiritual
matters. The conclusion? Claude and Bob both followed my philosophy on
life: “Live your life in such a way that
people are not sad that you died, but they are sad that you are not still here.”
So If I’m still here, there must still be some important things yet to do. Time to put more focus on those things.

While the beginning of vacation week was mournful, the end
of the week was hopeful. Two of my
friends, Kris and Lori, are each beginning new positive chapters in their
lives. These are beautiful people who
have made it through some brutally painful times. I suspect at their low points they felt
worthless and abandoned. However, these two women refused to quit and now they each
have the opportunity to thrive.

What is our part in this?
I know it was true of Claude and suspect it was true of Bob, that it is
our responsibility to help people in their journey down The Road. When you encounter souls such as Lori and
Kris, pick them up when they are down. Help them walk The Road as they recover.
And lift them up when they spread their wings. Fly ladies, fly.

Sunday, February 28, 2016

Olympic class weightlifters must go through brutal training
in order to achieve greatness in their sport. They must purposely expose
themselves to great pain and risk on a daily basis. In every workout they must push themselves to
their limits and risk injuries.

The training must produce pain. If it does not, then you are doing it wrong.

I’ve realized that just like the weightlifters, nothing
difficult is ever achieved in life unless you purposely expose yourself to risk
and pain. This process is supposed to
hurt, be difficult, and be uncomfortable.
If it’s not, you’re either doing it wrong or not trying hard enough.

As I pursue trying to achieve success as an author, it is
painful, it is risky, it is uncomfortable.
This has recently caused me to complain and make excuses, but the
weightlifter never complains. He
understands the challenges of The Road and literally presses on.

It’s time for me to keep pushing, keep pressing, and expect
and accept the resulting pain.

Sunday, February 14, 2016

I find myself in a six-month period in which I published my
first book, was quoted in the print version of the Wall Street Journal, and
organizations are flying me to exclusive resorts, so I may impart my knowledge to
them.

I don’t say this to brag, I try not to even think about it,
because things are moving so fast. However,
I do state it here to give you a perspective on the distance I’ve traveled.

Six years ago I had been unemployed for over seven months,
with absolutely no prospects. I wondered
if my useful time on The Road was ending.
I had been knocked down. I was hurting. I was weak. I felt worthless.

I was struggling to crawl forward. It was so difficult, I wondered if the effort
to crawl back, the first step in getting back, was even worth it.

When we are crawling, we have a different perspective of
The Road. You see just The Road and
nothing else, you are too close it. You
are looking down and you are not able to see the potential that is available
down The Road. The crawling is hard, it
hurts and at times your breath is choked by the dust of your broken dreams.

But you have to crawl before you walk, and walk before you
run, and run before you fly. And I am so
glad that I kept crawling.

So if you are crawling right now, you keep crawling brother
and sister, as hard and as well as you possibly can. Because The Road is long and there is still
much for you to do.

And for us who are faring better, if you see someone struggling
on this journey, please stop and lift them up. Dust them off and remind them
that better things are possible down The Road.

Thursday, January 28, 2016

The second
important thing Ellen with learn from her tragic experience, is a strong sensitivity
to emotional pain in other people.Unfortunately,
you can’t understand and know this, without going through the intense pain
yourself.It is a pain so ravaging that
you would not wish it upon your worst enemy.It hurts so bad and so deep, that it is at times unbearable.

On the other
side, you show more empathy to people in pain.You also are much more hesitant to be the cause of pain in someone
else.Because of the tribulation you
have encountered, you become less selfish, you become more caring, you are
transformed into a much better person than you were before.

You also are
better able to comfort others in distress.You have experienced the worst and survived.You have been to Hell, and returned.Your sensitivity enables you to know what do,
know what to say and know “how to be there” when someone needs you to be there.

Some people
would say that is the reason why you went through the tragedy, but I would
still say there is no reason for something this horrible to be bestowed upon
anyone.There cannot be a purpose behind
this.It is more the result of what
happened. A result we do have control over after the utter helplessness of the awful
event.You see, we must all travel on
The Road even after tragedy strikes without warning, but it is how we walk that
makes the difference.

Sunday, January 17, 2016

Ellen has suffered the unexpected loss of her baby.She has experienced enormous pain that has
shaken her to the core.Her soul has
been ripped open.While she can’t do
anything about was has already happened, there are some concepts that she needs
to understand which are important to in the recovery and restoration process.

The most important learning, is that you have a new
perspective on everything.You have lost
something that is invaluable and not replaceable.This enables you to understand what is truly
important on The Road.What things warrant
your attention, your affection, concern, interest, focus and treasure.This is an incredibly valuable trait to attain.

You will now view everything in life through the lens this
event. It becomes natural, you won’t even realize you are doing it. It impacts how you view life and therefore how
you live life.You will be able to keep
calm when others panic because you know what a “life and death” situation is
and what it is not, because you have literally experienced it.

Jesus said “Blessed are those who mourn because shall be
comforted”.We tend to think comfort is
something that happens for a limited time, in the short term.But maybe this new perspective on life means
the mourner is comforted the rest of his life.Could the pain be temporary and the comfort long-lasting?

If you keeping looking back on the event, you grow
bitter.Your pain is extended and your
strength is sapped.If you are able
focus on moving forward and use whatever beneficial things you are able to
extract from your tragedy, The Road becomes smooths out over time.

Fortunately, I can tell that Ellen does indeed have this
new perspective and she has acquired it much sooner than most.She is back on The Road and that is a great
thing.

Sunday, January 10, 2016

My friend Ellen’s first pregnancy recently ended with a
tragic stillbirth. She is one of the
nicest, sweetest, women I know, so we try to find a reason why something like
this happens.

The truth is, there is no reason for this (so please stop telling
people, “everything happens for a reason”).
Ellen now knows there is no reason for this. When going through your private hell after a
horrendous event, you do ask “Why me? But then you realize that there is
nothing so bad you could have done to deserve something so terrible. You then also realize that in this random,
cursed, world, there is nothing so good you could have done that would exclude
you from this happening either.

Yes, sometimes God intercedes to prevent the consequences of
the curse. This happens so infrequently;
we call them miracles. And why and when
those occur, there must be a reason, but it is way beyond our capability to
understand.

The Road at times can be excruciatingly painful and
confusing. Sometimes there is no reason for the pitfalls. We cannot understand everything where we are
right now, we can only walk on.

Friday, January 1, 2016

My friend Caroline (pseudonym)
said that she was so sad on December 31 that she wanted to cry and I knew why. I
sent her this private message:

Okay, I have cried on
the last day of the year a few times myself and I know why you want to. You are
lamenting your lack of progress and achievement in 2015. But you are sad
because you are looking into the past, back into 2015. Turn yourself the hell
around right now girl and start looking into 2016. That is where your future
is. 2015 is gone forever and you can't change that. But 2016 is where your
future is and where your hope must live, so that is where you need to be
focused. This is where the victory can be. Forward woman, it is the only
direction that is worth facing.

Caroline is an
intelligent, beautiful, woman. Bad
choices and unfortunate circumstances have made her lose her
self-confidence. The Road will not
always be this rough her, she will win is she gives herself the
opportunity. But you can’t travel
forward on The Road very well, if you are looking backwards. You can’t go back, so why look back. The Road is ahead of you, not behind.

This is a new year,
look forward my friends, look forward.
Let’s walk together down The Road in 2016. I think I can provide some assistance.