If the above and many similar examples define you, you might be caught in a vicious cycle of frustration and inner war. Failure to deal with this beast spells disaster and chances of success are limited. Even if success materializes, it is short lived.

There’s an African proverb that says: "If there’s no enemy within, the enemy outside can do us no harm."

It is almost impossible to know what to do if you don’t know who you are. Most people search for meaning and identity in external stuff, but they end up becoming their number one enemy, denying themselves meaningful and fulfilled lives.

I have come across people who want to have the latest gadgets, even if they only use a fraction of functionalities because they want to be seen to be carrying the latest Apple or iPhone device. The main motivation is to fit in.

You need to wake up to the fact that everything built from the inner world is sustainable and enduring. The outside-in approach is self-destructive because it lends itself to what others approve. You can only know and taste success by simply defining who you are by using your talents, strengths, and gifts that God has given to you because those are unique to you.

Realize that anything to the contrary is like chasing your shadow in the dark. People who live on a borrowed identity are like an apple tree trying at all cost to bear lemons. It's impossible. You need to take a break and stop rushing into the doing mode. Before you do anything, ask yourself:

Most people have taken the "bogey man creature" into their adult lives. Parents use this to scare their children into behaving accordingly. Unfortunately, this and many other experiences that we encountered in life, snuck into our subconscious space and became a revolving door in our minds.

I had a person on my team who would literally shake and sweat profusely ahead of a meeting that was two weeks away. She would become physically sick because of the messages she was sending to her subconscious mind. I kid you not, a close friend of mine owned a car for 7 years and has not been behind the steering wheel of that car.

Based on our discussion, I realized that he was procrastinating and trapped by the fear of failure. This is destructive fear. If allowed to persist, it renders one dysfunctional.

This is a powerful way to release yourself from fear because fear will always be there. Fear does not go away, it happens to all of us. Those who succeed and achieve their goals acknowledge their fears and do exactly what they fear. They refuse to allow themselves to be dictated by it.

Most people have created internal assumptions that keep them from attaining their goals. These could be a result of messages that were communicated during childhood and internalized into our psyche over time. Many kids have been destroyed by adults telling them that they will never amount to anything.

In my coaching and speaking engagements with youth, I have come across boys and girls who decided to drop out of school because they were labeled with all sorts of disparaging names. They internalized these labels and their lives became a self-fulfilling prophecy of what others thought of them.

They started to believe that success is for others and not for them. They decided to see the darker side of life than the bright one. Like these kids, many people have inner voices that continue to impress into their minds messages of failure, weakness, and not being good enough.

Change the words you say to yourself. Counter the negative messages with positive messages. This can happen if you start to learn positive and constructive words. You cannot change something which you cannot call by name.