Parenting

With 3 young girls I get to watch frozen on a regular basis. Of all of the Disney animated movies, this is the only one I will let the watch as often as they want. There are 2 themes I reinforce and teach them from this movie.

Don’t keep your gifts and talents hidden:

Each of us has a unique talent and skill set that if used properly will make this world a better place. Don’t let fear allow you to keep them hidden. You will be miserable. When you unlock and use your talents, you will find your destiny, and be happier.

Sometimes others will do things do encourage you to hide your talents. They could be well meaning teachers, parents, or friends, and they will try to steer you into a “safe” or “normal” life. “If you are to busy living the life someone else wants you live, who will live your life?”

You owe it to the world and yourself to pursue your passions and talents.

You talents can be used to help or hurt others:

She used her talent to help her sister have so much fun. Her anger and frustration almost destroyed her city. It almost killed her sister. It all depended on how she chose to use her talent.

A persuasive person can help others by helping them search and buy the perfect product that meets their needs, or they can con someone and take advantage of them using that same skill. The strongest kid in school can stand up for the oppressed or be an oppressor. We choose!

The beauty of that tower she created is awe inspiring. (Yes I know it is magic and not possible in the time she did it.) Your life will be a “swirling storm inside” until you unlock your true calling.

My most important job as a parent is to help my daughters find who God created them to be. I can’t let my desires for them or thoughts of what they should like affect my responsibility.

Your Life’s work should be a thing of beauty!

When you unlock your talents and passions you will find yourself dancing to work. You don’t have to live in misery. Don’t let others hold you back from the life you were created to live!

Picture a beautiful sandcastle. Hours spent crafting intricate towers and walls. Elements in the sand glisten as the sun sets. In the “perfect” location, Ocean front property. This beach is amazing, gentle sand, clear water, and void of human clutter. It is perfection…

Until…

The tide begins to rise. The sky turns dark with angry clouds. The wind begins screaming like a toddler tantrum. The waves become larger and larger… then with a violent crushing force… The sandcastle is obliterated. There is no trace of those hours of work. The beauty of it is gone.

A sandcastle marriage seems great when there are clear skies and calm seas. Everyone will tell you how beautiful it is. BUT when the storms of life, the baggage of the past, frustrations of the current day, and stress of 2 people becoming 1 appear, the greatness fades. That beautiful sandcastle marriage is shattered by the crashing waves of life.

Some foundations of a Sandcastle marriage:

Infatuation(a powerful feeling that can fool even the best of us)

Lust(desire to derive personal pleasure, satisfaction, or status from that sexy, powerful, or wealthy person)

Baggage(lots of intimate experiences with others outside the covenant of marriage or other unhealthy dating relationships)

Selfishness(My spouse is going to do all these things for me)

Co-dependency(Need to fix someone else’s problem, making it your problem. Enabling the other person in the process)

Unresolved emotional issues(most of us have things in our past that could use resolution, perhaps with the assistance of a counselor or physiologist)

None of these provide a foundation for marriage. A long-term successful marriage has a strong foundation. When the storms of life come blasting in; it may damage aspects of the marriage relationship for a season, but the foundation is solid. The couple can easier stand back up and rebuild together on that solid foundation.

Some foundations for a life-long marriage

Love(a choice one makes, love is not a feeling. Hollywood wants us to believe love is a magical feeling but in reality it is a choice. Infatuation and lust are the feelings often mistaken for love)

Purity(I can only talk about this one from the other side as I wasn’t pure before marriage. I know what it is like to have your mind constantly bombarded with past baggage. Baggage that comes crashing in on your mind with waves of guilt and shame.)

Honesty and trust(speaking the truth with gentleness, being trustworthy and trusting)

Communication(Set aside times to communicate about your life together, Daily is best)

Vision and goals(What is your shared vision? You can’t have separate visions for your life or your foundation will crack)

Dedication and loyalty(Divorce is not an option. Be dedicated to finding a solution. Speak well of each other to others and to each other)

I am sure several of you have some other foundation blocks you could add. Please share them in the comments below.

None of us are perfect with all of these points. Sometimes our marriage foundations have cracks in them. Be quick to address and work together to fix them. While harder to repair, they are so worth taking the time to repair. There is an exponential power released when a married couple comes together with 1 vision and set of goals.

Storms and challenges in life will come your way. Your marriage will be threatened, attacked, and beat up at times. As Dr. Thomas Stanley (author of The Millionaire Next Door and The Millionaire Mind) found in his research, the vast majority of millionaires have long-term happy marriages. Children who grow up in homes with both parents are more successful. Married people have a longer life expectancy. The benefits of making a marriage work far and away exceed the costs.

It is better to build the solid foundation before marriage, but not required. Maybe your marriage seems to be a sandcastle right now. All is not lost. You can start working on your foundation today.

This article will be different. It is born of an emotional story of a father who died trying to rescue his 3 year old and 18 month old daughters. At the time of writing this article, the ages of my first 2 daughters is very similar to the ages of those young girls. When I read it I picture my Ruth and Abigail. Read the story here.

First you will read a simple poem. It is an emotional outlet for the pain I feel as I picture that 3 year old in her room screaming for her daddy. Next is a section about a father’s love. Then lastly I discuss lessons we can learn from this tragedy.

A father found holding the baby, A daughter silent in her room No more tears will they shed Lives taken much to soon

What is a father to do? When he has done all Nothing more to give He answered the call

Human flesh facing the limit Nothing more he could bring Wishing he could find a way As the flames begin to sing

No regard for himself Daughters his only concern Courage born of love Our lesson to learn

(My Daughters)I would gladly trade my life for theirs.

Tears flow as I write this poem inspired by such loss. I have daughters of a similar age. I too would run back in the flames without a second thought. Even if there was nothing I could do. So deep, is a real father’s love.

If you didn’t have the opportunity to experience this love from an earthly Father, there is hope. It is from that same heart of love; Father God sent His only son to die so that you might have eternal life. Your heavenly Father, who created you, loves you greater than any earthly father ever could.

Our lesson to learn;

First this is not a meant to be judgment in any form toward anyone who inspired this story. It is a tragedy and the wife and mother needs our prayers that her broken heart will be healed. Pray that she finds a future with hope and doesn’t blame herself. It was not anyone’s fault. It just sucks.

We can learn some lessons; that perhaps will prevent and reduce the occurrence of such tragedy in the future.

Please don’t ignore this subject because it is scary or uncomfortable. If you create a plan it should alleviate fears. Do arisk assessment based on the common causes work to reduce them. Talking about this is loving those you care about.

Most likely you will never face a serious fire in your home; But lets be prepared because the risk of being unprepared can be deadly.

Teaching a 2 year old how to skin a cat

No felines were harmed in the writing of this post

My two year old is attempting to find her own way, she loves to express her independence and share her vast wisdom with her parents. This usually comes in the form of “NO” to whatever question is asked of her. A couple months ago I began to occasionally ask her questions instead of dictate what she was to do. One might think that a two year old lacks the capability to utilize critical thought and examine the various components of her decision, and I completely agree with such an assessment.

What if we give her two choices to perform a desired task (“there is more than one way to skin a cat”). For example do you want to wear the pink or brown shoes? Do you want milk or juice? Should we put away the blocks or stuffed animals first?

I believe this gives her an opportunity to express her independence within a very limited boundary set by her parents. I am not an expert in parenting and I am unsure if this concept will work with all two year old children. Although the cost of attempting, and it not working is very miniscule. So, go give it a try and please let us know what your results are.