I’ve been told (more than once) that I overuse the word love.

I’ve been told that I say, “I love you” too easily, too often, and to too many people. My first thought was that there are probably much worse words to overuse. I could be using “hate” too often. I could be swearing too much. I could, like, you know, be overusing the word “like” or ummm, something like that.

I saw an episode of How I Met Your Mother where one character accused the other of being an “’I love you’ slut” and making it meaningless by saying “I love you” too easily. The end result was that the accuser finally stopped being an “I love you prude” once she relaxed enough to say it. Silly, but it makes for an interesting point.

So, I took it under advisement. I started noticing when I used it. I do say it often. I often sign off in email that way unless it’s business related. I started to pause before I said or wrote it, to check if I really meant it. I took a look at my TwitBooking and the number of times I used it there. Guilty as charged: I love recklessly.

I don’t like your status, I looooooove it! If you just did something that helped me in even the tiniest way, you will probably get an “I love you” and “xoxoxo” (and real hugs and kisses if you are within reach). I love splashing in puddles with my son. I love rolling in the leaves with my daughter. I love snuggling my family…the two legged ones and the four legged ones. I love my French press. I love foggy days. And sunny ones. And thunderstorms. And catching snowflakes on my tongue. I love a good debate. I love getting lost in a book. I love yoga. I love this song! I love running in the woods. I love Cherry Garcia frozen yogurt. I love being barefoot. I love Walt Whitman. I love freckles. And freshly squeezed lemonade. And cowboys. And kale. And long, hot baths. And deep belly laughs that take my breath away. And elephants. And sheep. And the scary feeling you get when you sneeze while driving. And and and ohhh-emm-gee I love this song! My tweets, and statuses, and comments seem to be a veritable love-fest!

Love slut, indeed.

And I get it. Some people feel like love is this fragile thing that you put away in the tiny tower of your heart and only bring it out for special occasions. You only give it when there’s someone or thing that is magical and deserving of it. You take out that tiny teaspoon and dole out meager portions of love so that your heart doesn’t end up empty. You fold it back closed afterward so you don’t accidentally leak any. You don’t want to run out. It might be scary. You might get laughed at. Enthusiasm isn’t as cool as sitting back in your cynical chair, bored at everything, sneering at the world, keeping your love carefully packed away. You might not get loved back. You don’t want to be hurt.

It isn’t that the words mean less to me. It isn’t that I have more love to give than other people. It isn’t that I’ve always received as much love as I’ve given, or that I never get hurt. It isn’t that I’m fearless. It’s just that I figured out the secret.

The secret is this: every living being on this planet is lovable. We are all magical and deserving of love. And if you can’t figure out why, or if you can’t see the good in someone, all the more reason they need to be loved. The secret is that if we all keep our hearts a little bit broken, all the love pours out to wherever it’s needed.

It’s needed everywhere.

So will I stop being so slutty and loving everyone and everything all the time? Probably not. There are many people still just doling out the meager portions of their love and enthusiasm, and I don’t mind giving a little extra. I will take the time to make sure it’s truly received, and not just end up as a white noise of platitudes. You gotta say it like you mean it.

My daughter was heading out to play the other day and said, “Love you, mom!” and I tossed out an offhand “Love you” back. And then I stopped. I chased out the door after her, scooped her up in my arms and said, “You know it’s not just words, right? I love you all the way down to your toes.” And she smiled. And nodded. And wiggled away to head back to her digging in the woods.

If you are reading this and feel like your love is something you have to protect and save for just the right moment, you’ve found your moment. It’s right now. And if you are reading this, and you look inward and don’t feel loved, or don’t feel lovable:

From me to you, I love you all the way down to your toes.

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About Kate Bartolotta

Kate Bartolotta is the strongest girl in the world. She is the love child of a pirate and a roller derby queen. She hails from the second star to the right. Her love of words is boundless, but she knows that many of life’s best moments are completely untranslatable. When she is not writing, you may find her practicing yoga, devouring a book, playing with her children, planting dandelions, or dancing barefoot with her heart on her sleeve. She is madly in love with life and does not know how this story ends; she’s making it up as she goes. Kate is the owner and editor-in-chief of Be You Media Group. She also writes for The Huffington Post, elephant journal, The Good Men Project, The Green Divas, Yoganonymous, The Body Project, Project Eve, Thought Catalog and Soulseeds. She facilitates writing workshops and retreats throughout North America. Heart Medicine, Kate's book on writing, is now available on Amazon.com
You can follow Kate on Facebook and Twitter

I am a bit cold-blooded on the outside, like a lizard. I need a little time to warm up in the sun and let go of my lizard skin. My family was not very huggable while growing up and I guess I've gotten used to the hug & love anorexia. Love can be the most uncomfortable thing until you admit that you want and need it badly. That's why the world needs more Kates.

[…] I think we are born with that maitri “unlimited friendliness” so close to the surface. We get older and guard it too closely, or save it until we think someone deserves it. Spending time with children is a great way to remember how to give it freely. […]

[…] Last” as a preteen, in a movie. That voice, ohhhh, that voice. And listening to it, I believed in love. In slow dancing. In long, deep, endless kisses. In things I didn’t really understand that […]

LOVE THIS! and LOVE YOU! and i say LOVE a lot, too! (hey, i also write lil poems, apparently!)
Im SO happy i read this, so happy you wrote this! I had a moment with an old friend from my childhood just recently.
I havent seen her in person in so long, and after seeing her on facebook and being joyed at the joy in her life.. we ran into each other for a brief moment, and as she walked away i ended up blurting out "i love you! I think your awesome!", while i was pumping gas in my car.. she turned red and laughed like i was crazy and SHE DELTED me from facebook THAT night! haha i was a lil "love" embarrassed.. and have actually carried it with me since then (about 6 months now).. so THANK YOU for helping me re-see that its OK to be over-lovey! i am and i cant help it.. other people will just have to delete me if it makes them uncomfortable! haha LOVE LOVE LOVEEEEE <3

[…] There’s been so much talk about this lately. Some useful, some silly. I think that the only way to go is to make sure that every day we live in such a way that we’d feel content with how we’ve lived should this be the end. And not in a “YOLO” immature, risk-taking kind of way. In a “I’ve told everyone I loved them, worked my hardest and done my best” sort of way. Apparently, last night I was mumbling in my sleep about the traffic on elephant and how we only leave one space between sentences, so I think I’m working my hardest. I’ve told everyone I loved them—and loved my best, even when it was difficult. And today, I’m watching the wind and rain and coughing my fool head off, and hey—maybe it’s just the cough syrup talking—but I feel fine. If this is it, I’ve done my best. I’ve worked my hardest. I’ve given all the love I have. […]

[…] 3. My heart. It doesn’t matter what brand of yoga pants I’m wearing, who made my mat or what kind of bag I’m lugging all my junk around in if the only strength and openness I have is physical. I am thankful for my heart. I am thankful that even though sometimes it’s tired and I’ve put it through the ringer, it’s still open. […]

I do love everybody. It’s true. Where it is special for me is to say the words “I’m in love with you.” I guard those words. I will share those words face to face. There is someone I’m deeply in love with and I plan on telling him tomorrow. Among a million other things!! Can’t wait until tomorrow. Lives will change forever!! Is it tomorrow yet??