(Video may be NSFW if your place of employment considers tiny cartoon genitalia pornographic)

You may have thought that we had something called “Freedom of the Press” here in America, but it turns out that there is no freedom for people who simply want to buy an ad in the New York Times to explain that Planned Parenthood uses pornography to “indoctrinate children and teens into a sick culture of sex.” And here is a link on the internet to prove just how oppressed the “American Life League” is by the Stalinist New York Times! The League of angry dingbats therefore recently issued a statement “questioning why major news outlets like the New York Times and Washington Post have declined their recent request to run ads highlighting the methods Planned Parenthood uses to target young kids,” implying that the ads were rejected for their “graphic content” rather than for being “bugfuck insane.” Way to go, major media outlets! By rejecting these paranoid ads, you have simply proven the League’s point that Planned Parenthood’s pornographic sex ed materials are too obscene for a family newspaper. For God’s sake, Planned Parenthood even tells teenagers that masturbation is not embarrassing, in direct contravention of common sense, the Bible, and the Constitution of the United States.

The League contends, reasonably enough, that Planned Parenthood seeks to turn children into “sex addicts” through the “gateway drug” of masturbation, which no one would ever do unless they saw shocking cartoon drawings of genitalia. (Again, link may be NSFW if you work at the American Tizzy League.) The League also claims

“If a dirty old man in a park showed ten-year-old children the graphic images Planned Parenthood pedals as education, he would be arrested. Planned Parenthood shows this smut to children and is awarded with more taxpayer money and the ability to determine the efficacy of its sex indoctrination, so it can get even more taxpayer money. It is time to stop this madness!”

Ha ha, “pedals.” We would also note that “a dirty old man in a park” would probably be arrested if he tried to offer 10-year-old children chicken nuggets, teach them how to do somersaults, or tried to explain the difference between nouns and verbs. Just don’t ask us how we know.

Thankfully, decent sex-fearing Americans have been fighting against the perverse notion that sex is “normal” since the book was first published in 1994, which has landed it at #12 on the American Library Association’s Top 100 list of banned and challenged books. Yay, free speech!

But rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning from pornography? We were pretty skeptical about the Life League’s claim that teachers are inflicting porn upon their students, but then Our Editrix mentioned in the sekrit chatcave that she was making the students in her Nonfiction Writing class write about this video, so maybe there really is something to worry about:

About the author

Doktor Zoom Is the pseudonym of Marty Kelley, who lives in Boise, Idaho. He acquired his nym from a fan of Silver-Age comics after being differently punctual to too many meetings. He is not a medical doctor, although he has a real PhD (in Rhetoric and Composition).