Whether you have the ear of a bride-to-be or a recently wedded one, there are a few topics that should be off limit if you would like to stay in her good graces.

DON’T SAY…

Get whatever you want. It’s your day! The financial aspects of a wedding are private and can be very tense. Do not get involved. Don’t suggest a live band over a DJ, a seven-tiered cake over a smaller one, or any other amazing sight you saw at another wedding. If she could afford fireworks, she’d probably be getting them.

Why aren’t you inviting…my brother, our roommate in college, the cute guy from the coffee shop, your ex-boyfriend? Again, there is almost no doubt that the guest list is in teeth-grinding negotiations. Stay out of it, unless asked. Even then, think twice. Almost always the proper response is: Whatever you would like.

Will you be wearing white? Every woman, second marriages included, has the right to wear whatever color she desires. Celebration.com notes that the “traditional white wedding gown actually hails from ancient Rome, when white was a color of celebration, and not a symbol of purity.” But, it’s best not to mention this statistic on the wedding day.

When are you going to start a family? Again, it’s none of your business. Comment on the dress, the lovely flowers, the weather—but don’t talk about a baby. You never know, there could be a bun already in the oven. However, don’t start this rumor.

Anything at all about divorce. Everyone knows the grim statistics. Don’t bring it up as a joke. Don’t even say the word. And definitely don’t ask about a prenup. It’s none of your business. Send well wishes.