The making of a victim typically begins early in life, often triggered by a traumatic event strong enough to cause an individual to subconsciously make that crippling decision: I can’t win; not now, not later, not ever.

With this belief, the mind eventually focuses on “not losing”. The reasoning and its consequences become cyclical, reinforcing and usually self-fulfilling.

Victims spend most of their time understanding the needs of others and picking up subtle cues about what others want from them.

At the same time, they are astute observers. They intuitively know what responses are required in most situations, and they react accordingly.

Their impression management disguises a wide ranging dishonesty that is experienced by others as niceness, righteousness and an unlimited capacity for understanding and listening. Victims will rarely come right out and tell you what they want.

They are experts at vagueness, manipulation, rumour and gossip. Culturally, victims come across as loving and generous. Yet, as you spend more time with them, you find that underneath their composed exterior, they are frequently angry, depressed, extremely controlling and manipulative.

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