GooOOOOoooOOooOOooo Team!

August 11, 2013

It’s fitting that I finished today’s queen stage of the Tour of Utah up the fierce Snowbird finishing climb with Ben King. My (not actual) brother from another mother, Ben and I share a last name, are good friends, yet we are entirely unrelated. However, presumably because we are both awesome, the number of times people cheer for me and yet yell, “Go Ben” — or vice versa, motivating Ben onward with shouts of “Crush it Ted!” — is far beyond what we’re ready to count.

So finishing in a petite group of three with Ben, it made it simple for the hoards of fans to just yell Ted and Ben interchangeably and make us both happy.

And with that said, let’s go over some rules for cheering since some of the stuff we hear uttered borders on ridiculous, even though that’s seemingly not the intent. Here are a series of examples we hear along a finishing climb or otherwise tough section of bike racing parcours:

• “You can do it!”Thank you. We know we can do it. We may look like we’re struggling or are in a world of pain, so even if we’re in the midst of some serious bike humping and/or paperboying, we’re not about to hop off our bikes and walk. Just like Obama says, yes we can… do it. We know that and don’t need this obvious encouragement.

• “Keep going!”Much like the above, of course we are going to keep going. In all likelihood, even if we’re deep into hating life at that very moment of a climb, chances are that if we keep on going up, then down, then wherever else the race takes us, we will very likely be traveling the shortest distance to the finish. So unless you have a BBQ and exquisite selection of microbrews lining the road with your absurd cheers causing a detour into your front lawn, we will probably keep going.

• “You’re almost there!”This isn’t so absurd. However we are generally quite aware of where we are in the race and within the climb itself. So please save this cheer for when we are actually almost there. A la, within sight or even spitting distance of the top/finish.

• “5 kilometers to go!” (or “1 kilometer to go!” or “so-and-so distance to go!” et cetera)
Again, similar to the above, this one can be shouted freely and with all the might of your billowing lungs, but for Pete’s sale, ONLY SAY IT WHEN IT’S CORRECT! To “warn” us that there are five kilometers to go when there are really, oh say seven or six or eight is just a real jerk thing to do. So kindly shut your mouth or else be at least mildly accurate.

As fitting alternatives to the above, here are a brief list of appropriate things to verbally spur us on:

• “Your King of the Road Jersey is Amazing!”You’re absolutely correct, Not-Ted-King! Yes, it is. It looks like this and if you haven’t purchased one yet, then what the crap are you waiting for?!

Yup, that’s a real ax, those are real logs, and I really have not personally chopped them. And profits go to a real charity.

• “Pedal faster!”We actually hear this one a lot. It’s astute, to the point, and does the job. Because pedaling faster will make us go faster which will make us, err, ride faster. Plus it’s curt and witty and is just annoying enough to make us pedal faster.

• This isn’t actually something to yell, but we encourage you to HAND OUT DOLLAR BILLS!There’s some dude here in Utah who is in a Sasquatch suit (or maybe it’s a ghillie suit, but it looks hot and miserable in the Utah’ah heat so I doff my hat to you)and he hands out dollars to cross eyed cyclists. You’ll see us pedal just that one iota harder when we see a dollar or twenty on the line.

Yeuup, the dollar you see atop this post is the actual dollar bill from today’s race. Thanks Ghillie Man!

• “There’s a burrito at the finish line for you!”Just like the above, this will have a lot more meaning if a) there is a burrito at the finish line for us or b) there is a burrito cart at the finish line, so while the burrito is not yet built, the potential is there so in due time there will be a burrito. This, however, is rare — in fact, I’ve never seen such a thing. The European alternative to a burrito is a kebabs; meat and veg and a little splash of authentic sauce all wrapped up in a warm and comfy flour tortilla-like thing: YEAH delicious food!

Oye, massage time. G’night.

Comments

Nnyrbb

Funny you mention a fine selection of microbrews… We JUST returned from Oregon with exactly that. We’d be happy to share, but only if you’re appropriately attired to consume Cascade Hops in that lumberjack KOS jersey.

In high school my band did the Rose Bowl parade, which is something like 5 1/2 miles, and someone yelled “you’re halfway there!” at mile 5 and several people nearly gave up and dropped out. Incorrect shouting is sooo not helpful.

NickV

Patty-OPatty-O

Know I’ll take a hit on this but, might want to reconsider this one. maybe it’s all tongue in cheek, but providing instruction how to appropriately cheer you on sounds less than Ted Kingly. perhaps the hypoglycemic/hypoxic haze of living at the anaeerobic threshold on a climb produces a filter of irritation wherethrough even the most genuine and well intentioned sentiments seem idiotic and irritating. that fan that got up early, hiked or hitched up that same climb and waited patiently and excitedly for hours for those brief few seconds when their favorite passes by might be disappointed to know that their support was deemed less than worthy of one’s consideration. perhaps we should all brush up our Shakespeare and proclaim “Well done Theodore, we marvel at your prowess.” Hope that fills the bill. Love you man, consider a Snickers before the next post.

This reminds me of this guy on the road going into the finish for the Lobsterman Tri in Freeport yelling at me to run faster. I’d spent the last third of the bike with a broken cleat I couldn’t fix so I essentially pedaled with one leg and was having bad quad cramps on the run. I am just a weekend warrior and a Clydesdale, far from anything elite. It put me over my limit and I yelled at the guy, “stop yelling at me! I spent half the bike with a broken cleat! I am doing the best I can!”. The look on the guy’s face. It felt good at the time and gave me an adrenaline boost to finish but after I felt like a jerk.

On the flip side, one of my favorite things is when you’re on that run leg ready to die and people on the side of the road bring out their kids and they’re ringing cowbells and yelling “nice job!” or the other athletes high-fiving each other and doing the same. I love that. I always try to thank the volunteers too and give a little kid a high-five. Maybe someday they’ll remember that and get out there and tri.

But, “go faster!”. Grrrrr. And, tri isn’t my day job — for sure.

I don’t know how you guys do it when you’re at your limit and you’ve got 1000s of crazies penning you in running along side you and in your face. Amazing.

Patty-OPatty-O

Feeling both bad and worse. Really debated on placing my earlier post, commenting on what seemed more snippy than instructive. Now I understand that I am to be grateful for the sage advice on how to appropriately cheer you on. Always had respect and admiration for someone who seemed to be a well grounded professional. Wish you well in your career, I’ll be leaving room for those who meet the criteria to be your fans. Hope the new helmet fits when you size up.

Colossal

My 5 year-old likes to yell ‘Put it in the big ring’…assuming you’re not in the big ring and coming from a cute little girl, have to assume its among the better things you can hear. And, that is a completely biased perspective.

iamtedking

Jackie

I once cheered on a marathoner, yelling ‘Looking good’. He yelled back ‘Liar!’. To which I replied ‘You’re right, you look like s**t!!!’ Now I just say stuff like ‘Nice kicks’ and ‘Cool shirt’ (but only if it’s deserving).
Watching road races I usually cheer ‘go, go, go’ but now you’ve got me re-thinking that. Need to think of something good before Montreal…