Chit Chat: How to make it work

By the time we are in our twenties we start to date a partner that we can see ourselves grow with. When picking your partner, you should try to choose someone evenly or better yoked as yourself. Meaning, even if you don’t share the same passion, you have the same end goal. If you are working to better yourself, you also want a partner that is working on themselves. It is essential to pick a partner on the same level as you so that as you guys grow, you can learn from one another.

So often women are falling in love with a man’s word instead of his actions. Everyone knows the “talking” stage oh too well. During this talking stage ladies, make your man court you! For some reason we have gotten away from dates and have moved to Netflix and chill. I am here to tell you chivalry is not dead. We have taken the pressure off ladies, and I am here to reassure you it is okay to turn it back on. In this talking stage, one should set high demands for men so that when you do become an official couple, all of a sudden you are not wondering why you are not being taken on dates. If you want to consider Netflix and Chill a date, simple, ask him to cook you dinner as well. Make sure he is going the extra mile to pursue you. Since the beginning of time, men have been pursuing the woman. It is an innate instinct for them.

What young women are doing wrong in the talking stage is we are listening to social media memes. Our parents couldn’t just look on the internet and find a post that agrees with what they were going through. We are taking these “what are supposed to be funny pictures” seriously. Though we can relate to a lot of these memes, they are not all correct. I stumbled across one meme that insisted you should not apply pressure to men because there are men willing to give you everything without being pressured. This may be true. There are men that do not need pressure applied to them. These are the same men that are, 8/10, already settled into their careers and have had their heart broken because the love of their life already set high demands that he did not live up too. He has the time and the background relationship knowledge where he does not need you to apply pressure because he has already learned from his mistakes. But in your twenties you do have to put the pressure on your man. Tell them what you do and do not like, as well as your expectation.

In your twenties, men and women are focused on themselves. You are supposed to be. You are at a point where every decision matters and helps you to further your personal happiness. These are your selfish years; use them to find your happiness. Set your expectations and stand on them. To make things work with your partner, also listen to your partner’s expectations. If your partner makes you happy without being detrimental to your goals, allow that happiness. Are you willing to do the things he likes as well? If he is willing to go the extra mile for you, believe that he will also be turning the pressure up on you as well.

Photo by James Devaney/FilmMagic

There is a difference in man and woman when getting involved. A relationship is a lot of give and take. Never be the person that is taking more than giving. With that being said, if you’re the partner that is giving and receives nothing in return, do not burn yourself out trying to give him your soul! Be selfish. When women give because they love a man a hormone is released called oxytocin. Since the beginning of time, women have been seen as lovers. We naturally nurture a man’s soul, and we are givers. When oxytocin is released, it lowers stress levels and makes us feel good essentially. When men give willingly a different hormone is released, testosterone. If your man is giving to you from the heart when testosterone is let off, it makes him feel heroic. You can genuinely see the joy in his eyes from the smile he creates on your face.

When either testosterone or oxytocin is released one of two things can happen. For women if we do not apply pressure on the men early, we then get ourselves into a situation-ship where we are not truly happy. At this point you are giving in the relationship as a sacrifice. When women feel like they have given more than they receive, this sacrifice makes the body release testosterone. This has the opposite effect on women as they do not feel like heroines. It almost gives us a selfish feeling, where we have to question why we are actually giving this much. If men release testosterone and feel like they are sacrificing, it almost feels as if they are being stripped of their manhood. Due to not having a sufficient testosterone level, it makes a man feel depleted.

This feeling will happen in a relationship, that is bound to happen. When it happens more than often is when there is a problem, as well as if this feeling is happening when you’re in the talking stage. If you receive this feeling in the talking stage, let it go ladies. It will only get worse and cause you to resent your relationship. Be selfish in your twenties. If you see signs that it will not work early don’t make excuses. Fall in love with actions and not words.

(Photo: Twenty88 via Twitter)

While giving these expectation ladies, keep in mind you must be loyal. At this age we should not be talking and texting multiple people if we have found a person that has caught our attention. Believe it or not, men really pay attention to that. If you cannot be loyal without a man having to tell you to be loyal, he will not take you serious. And women should follow that same philosophy. At this age, we know what loyalty is. If you are honestly pursuing someone and have to screen calls, delete text messages, and/or turn your phone upside down when you are with your potential “bae”, you are not being loyal.

Communication is important. Establish that you are exclusively talking. Take that time to be loyal and date one another before jumping into a relationship. Whenever you decide to hang out, learn about each other. While learning about each other, set your expectations. When you fall in love, fall in love with their actions.

Ask yourself, “Is he motivating you or distracting you?”

Ask yourself, “ Does he have goals that are in line with yours?”

Make sure he is being loyal. And that doesn’t mean go through his phone. Ask God to reveal his intentions and trust that what is done in the dark comes to the light. If you can positively answer these questions, you guys will work. It will not be forced, it will not be sacrificed but it will be an abundance of love. And that in itself will cause the relationship to work!

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