With school starting all over the country, I've decided to repost a favorite post from last year!

​I've had a really busy week with clients preparing to start a new grade in elementary school or make the transition to middle school, high school, and college. Although each of my clients is so unique, the concerns they tend to share at this time of year are very similar. The boil down to the Three L's:

-Who will I sit with at LUNCH?-How will I get into my LOCKER?-Will I get LOST (and as an addendum to that one, will I be LATE?)

For anxious kids, I think these fears point to a few very important lessons to be learned:

-All adjustments take time. Every kid is going to have a hard time getting into their locker the first week of school. Everyone is going to get lost on their way to class in the first few weeks of school (and might even be late). Every student is going to feel uncertain about who to sit with at lunch. I tell kids that by the end of two weeks, they will feel pretty good. With respect to friendships, it will take longer. For college freshman, it might take several months to find a group of like-minded kids who really make you feel at home in your new surroundings. All of this is normal and should be expected.

-The only way to succeed is to ask for what you need. If you can't get into your locker, ask a friend or teacher for help. If you are lost, ask an older student. If you are alone at lunchtime, ask to join some kids who look nice. What is the worst thing that might happen? Test out this fear. In all likelihood, this fear will not come to pass. For example, if you fear that someone will laugh at you if you ask where your next class is, test it out. In all likelihood, the student you ask will point you in the right direction or even walk with you to help you find the way.

-Anxious kids often fear doing the wrong thing and getting in trouble. Ask yourself, "What's happened in the past for me?" or "What would happen if this happened to another kid?" For example, in the first week of school very few kids get in trouble for coming into class late. Remind yourself that when you've made a minor mistake in the past, the world hasn't ended - you haven't even got a detention! These is generally wiggle room for kids to make little mistakes, and even if a teacher says some sharp words, you can handle it!

Good luck with the new school year - and send me any questions or concerns you'd like me to address!

Q: A stranger tries to parent or critique your child in public. How do you deal with the person without becoming irate?​The first inclination is to give a dirty look or nasty retort. These public put-downs can eat away at us for hours, or even days, after they’ve happened. They can make us question our capabilities as parents or the goodness of our kids.

Ask yourself if you value what this person thinks of you. There are many people you care about who give parenting feedback and whose advice you will take to heart.

The stranger in the playground or the neighborhood restaurant? Not so much. You don't know the person’s values or parenting skills. So be prepared for these situations with a set response. "Sorry he's bugging you. We were all kids once, right?" Or a simple, "I've got it, thanks."

Care about the people who do matter to you, and be able to dismiss the people who just pass through your life momentarily.

— Dr. Deborah Roth Ledley, author of “Becoming a Calm Mom: How to Manage Stress and Enjoy the First Year of Motherhood”

The article,​Why Are More American Teenagers Than Ever Suffering From Severe Anxiety?

captures what I do on a daily basis - the kids I see, the issues they face, the reality of treatment (what it can achieve and its limits). I encourage all parents to read this wonderful article. And, please leave your comments here.

Continuing Education Information: The Children’s and Adult Center for OCD and Anxiety is approved by the American Psychological Association to sponsor continuing education for psychologists The Children’s and Adult Center for OCD and Anxiety maintains responsibility for this program and its content. Participants will earn 4 CE hours for completing this workshop.

​​I love working with kids during their Senior Year in high school. It is a time of so much potential stress, and a time when cognitive-behavioral therapy can be SO beneficial. Each year, I feel an internal burst of happiness when I have finally helped to navigate each of my Seniors through the craziness of the college application process, the agony of choosing a school, and the preparations for leaving home (sometimes for the very first time).

And then they arrive.

And, it is not all that it has been chocked up to be. All that WANTING. All that STRIVING. And kids find themselves in a squishy dorm room, with a not-so-nice roommate, on a floor of loud and immature fellow freshman. Oh, and we didn't mention school. Even kids who went to the most rigorous high schools tend to be surprised by the expectations of college professors and the absence of the grade inflation they were so used to.

Here are some tips for College Freshman as they adjust to their new "home":

-Have reasonable expectations: Too often, we send kids to college telling them it was "the best time of our lives." We forget what those first few weeks or months were like. Everything, absolutely everything, is new. Where are my classes? Who can I eat with? What do these professors expect? Who am I going to be friends with? How often should I call home? How do I do my laundry? What do I do with spare time during the day? It will take at least a semester to feel settled an comfortable at your new school. This is TOTALLY NORMAL!

-Find like-minded friends: We all know people who became best friends for life with their freshman year roommate. Or who met their future spouse standing in line registering for classes on their first day of school. Most of us, however, spent our first few weeks (or months) of college feeling quite lonely. As anyone who knows me know, I am a huge fan of Frank Bruni and he has written so eloquently about loneliness in college students in this week's www.nytimes.com/2017/09/02/opinion/sunday/college-freshman-mental-health.html NYTimes. The key to college happiness, in my opinion, is to find like-minded friends. Where can you do this? Class is a good place to start - introduce yourself to people sitting next to you. Extra-curricular activities are even better. Do you love playing soccer? Join an intramural soccer team. Do you enjoy writing? Go and check out the school newspaper. And, if you are a person who doesn't enjoy drinking and partying, don't fear. There are lots of people just like you. You just need to find them. There are kids at college who do like to play board games, watch movies, go explore cities, and other cool stuff like that on Saturday nights.

-Be mindful of reliance on your parents and friends from home: It is reasonable to call or text your parents or friends from home when you are feeling sad, lonely, or anxious during your first few weeks of college. But, as the weeks go by, consider relying on a new college friend. If you are stressed about a test, consider texting a new friend and telling him or her. This is a great way to build a friendship. It is likely that friends are feeling the same way, and just waiting for someone to share so that they feel comfortable sharing! College will become a more comfortable place when you have people right there, in person, to rely on.

-Schedule your day: A lot of college freshman feel stressed by the free time they have in their days. Kids are used to going non-stop morning till night in high school and if they have only one class on a Tuesday/Thursday in college, this is the day that anxiety and homesickness tend to hit. Try scheduling your day. Put in some regular exercise (a group class at the school gym is good for anxiety and your mood and a good way to make friends). Set aside some time for laundry and chores. Schedule in some library time to get work done. Make a lunch plan with a new friend. The key is to stay active rather than letting the anxiety and sadness take over and crawling into bed with Netflix.

-Don't forget the basics: It can be really hard to sleep in a dorm room. But, sleep is so important - the less sleep we get, the more anxious and depressed we feel and the less well we do in school. It is totally okay to go to bed at a reasonable hour in college. You can use earplugs to block out the noise and discuss some ground rules with your roommates for times that lights should be out and guests should no longer visit. Eating is also very important. Low blood sugar can mimic the feelings of anxiety and can make it hard to focus. Even if you don't feel hungry, make sure to eat three healthy meals a day. Eating alone can be very anxiety-provoking. Ideally, try to plan meeting up with new friends for meals. But, if you do find yourself eating alone, bring something to read and enjoy this "down-time." As with most things, the more you do it, the easier it will get!

I've had a really busy week with clients preparing to start a new grade in elementary school or make the transition to middle school, high school, and college. Although each of my clients is so unique, the concerns they tend to share at this time of year are very similar. The boil down to the Three L's:

-Who will I sit with at LUNCH?-How will I get into my LOCKER?-Will I get LOST (and as an addendum to that one, will I be LATE?)

For anxious kids, I think these fears point to a few very important lessons to be learned:

-All adjustments take time. Every kid is going to have a hard time getting into their locker the first week of school. Everyone is going to get lost on their way to class in the first few weeks of school (and might even be late). Every student is going to feel uncertain about who to sit with at lunch. I tell kids that by the end of two weeks, they will feel pretty good. With respect to friendships, it will take longer. For college freshman, it might take several months to find a group of like-minded kids who really make you feel at home in your new surroundings. All of this is normal and should be expected.

-The only way to succeed is to ask for what you need. If you can't get into your locker, ask a friend or teacher for help. If you are lost, ask an older student. If you are alone at lunchtime, ask to join some kids who look nice. What is the worst thing that might happen? Test out this fear. In all likelihood, this fear will not come to pass. For example, if you fear that someone will laugh at you if you ask where your next class is, test it out. In all likelihood, the student you ask will point you in the right direction or even walk with you to help you find the way.

-Anxious kids often fear doing the wrong thing and getting in trouble. Ask yourself, "What's happened in the past for me?" or "What would happen if this happened to another kid?" For example, in the first week of school very few kids get in trouble for coming into class late. Remind yourself that when you've made a minor mistake in the past, the world hasn't ended - you haven't even got a detention! These is generally wiggle room for kids to make little mistakes, and even if a teacher says some sharp words, you can handle it!

Good luck with the new school year - and send me any questions or concerns you'd like me to address!

One of the goals I have when working with each of my clients is to tailor treatment to their unique needs. I'd like to do the same with my blog! With the school year beginning, what is your child worrying about? Fill in this survey and I will write some blog posts to address YOUR concerns (confidentially, of course!).

Please fill in the survey for each of your children.

What is your child's most significant worry about this new school year? *

Being away from parents/from homeDoing well in schoolMaking friends/being acceptedBullying/peer victimizationAdjusting to a new schoolGetting lost on the way to classFiguring out who to sit with at lunch/who to hang out with during free timeHomework - not wanting to do it, getting it done on time, etc.Figuring out their lockerGetting in troubleSomatic complaints (tummy aches, headaches, fear of vomiting)

Any other school worries we have not mentioned? *

Is school refusal a concern for you? Are you worried that your child will refuse to go to school at all this Fall? *

Yesterday, we were on a flight and my husband and I were seated in front of a mom and her kindergarten-age child. As we were waiting to take off, this mom reviewed the seat back safety card with her son. She had him practice how to brace should the plane make an emergency landing. She talked about water landings. She discussed why it is unsafe to smoke on planes and reminded her little boy how nanny had died from lung cancer from smoking. We were relieved when the sounds of the engine began and drowned out the painful conversation behind us!

Even in the context of my work with anxious kids, this was an extreme example of how parenting can prime anxiety. This child did not ask a SINGLE question about air safety. In fact, he sounded like he was having a fun time on the plane. But, I have no doubt that as he gets older, he will become anxious about air safety. This experience made me think.....

How do we balance educating our children with preventing unneeded anxiety?

-Talk about what is likely to happen, instead of what is extremely unlikely to happen. Do planes crash? Yes, they do. But, with extremely low likelihood. Air travel is extremely safe. What should we talk about on an airplane? How about all the fun things we will be doing at our destination? The shape of the clouds? The beautiful sunrise or sunset? Rather than instilling a sense of fear in our kids, we can instill a sense of wonder.

-Let kids ask the questions, and answer as briefly as possible. I noticed yesterday that the little boy behind us did not ask a single question about air safety. My advice would therefore be - don't talk about air safety! If kids ask questions, answer them but as briefly as possible. Do planes crash? Yes, but barely ever. Why can't people smoke on planes? Because it stinks and pollutes all the passengers' lungs. Why do we go through the Xray machines before boarding the plane? Because those are the rules. Yesterday, my son asked why we can't take liquids through security. Before I could even answer, he said, "I know mommy! They want us to buy our drinks at the airport so they make money." I am totally fine with him thinking that rather than knowing about people using liquids to try to blow up planes. After all, he is nine!

-Make your answers age appropriate. Related to the previous comment, answers to our kids' questions are obviously going to vary depending on age. If a three year old asks if a plane can fall out of the sky, it is totally fine to say a simple NO WAY! If a thirteen year old, with access to the internet, asks the same question, it is appropriate to have a more detailed discussion about airplane safety.

-If you are a nervous flyer, try to not transmit that anxiety to your children. Children learn by example. If you are a nervous flyer, try not to share your fears with your kids. Wouldn't it be nice if they can grow up enjoying something that you fear? Read a self-help book on fear of flying. Attend one of the wonderful classes offered at your local airport. Seek treatment from an expert. Have your kids sit with the adult in your family who is not afraid of flying so that they can learn to associate flying with calmness and enjoyment. And, remember, the nice thing about kids is that they are distracting! You might find that flying becomes easier ones you have children and your attention is diverted from your fears to tending to their needs on the flight!

Last weekend, we went skiing for the first time as a family. Not only was it fun, but I also found it immensely helpful for both of my kids - in very different ways.

-Conquering fears - One of my kids tends to be on the slightly more anxious side. She has always been a little reluctant to try new things and a little fearful of bad things happening. On the way up the chairlift for the first time, she was scared of falling. At the top of the mountain, she was terrified she would not make it down. There were a lot of "What if's!" We had some really useful discussions on our way down this first run - great for skiing and great for life!

The more you do it, the easier it gets.

What's the worst thing that could happen? - If you fall, you get up and keep going.

Your brain is playing tricks on you. The hill looks very steep, but once you start, it is actually manageable. Just do it!

You are scared now, but think how great you'll feel when you make it down!

-Being Gritty! -- This child is also a typical "gifted kid" - so many things naturally come easily to her that she sometimes gives up on things that are really hard. Skiing is hard for everyone at first! It was great for her to see how she could build on new skills over the course of just two days and know that with more work and practice, she could get better and better. This lesson applies to skiing, and to really anything new that we want to learn.

-Maintaining Focus - My other child can be a little unfocused at times. He has a really busy, inquisitive brain. It is a super thing about him, and can also pose challenges when he needs to do just one thing at a time (like getting dressed in the morning without chatting with his sister, getting immersed in a book, or looking at a beautiful sunrise out his bedroom window!). We were so proud of his focus on the slopes! He was 100% in the moment, attentive to making those big C's across the mountain, filtering out unimportant information (like the annoying snowboarders swooping around him). Since we returned home, we have been talking about how this focus led to success! All that attention made him ski beautifully and he also saw how enjoyable it can be to have your brain and body do just one thing at a time.

-Being in the moment - We must all be teaching out children about how to be in the moment. Skiing is a beautiful exercise in mindfulness. When you are actually skiing, you can become completely immersed in the swishing sound of your skis, the wind on your face, the beautiful scenery. We can re-create that experience when practicing mindfulness at home. Picture a beautiful mountain and imagine skiing down it at a relaxed, even pace. In your imagery, you can remove the annoying snowboarders and the whizzing five year olds (who make us adults really notice our aching knees!). Just you, a gorgeous spot, and the side to side rhythm of skiing. Try it and have your kids try it -- it's really good for your body and mind!