I see hot, edgy actors...Gratuitously shirtless Taylor Lautner as Rick! Mila Kunis as a Ilsa! Steve Buscemi as Ugarte! Sam...Sam...we need a Sam...how about Chris Rock as the wisecracking piano player? He's big money, so get Chris Tucker for half the price cuz nobody can tell the difference...So we make him Taylor Lautner's sidekick as they crisscross north Africa trying to rescue Mila from the Japanese... I see romantic comedy... I see David Bowie in a cameo as Rommel...hello? where did everyone go? anyone...anyone...Hey! Ben Stein could be Rommel...!

Dear Cass Warner,The original movie was almost as perfect a story as you could hope for. Numerous attempts have been made to recapture the magic of it, and all have fallen flat. I respect members of your family for not only Casablanca, but all of the wonderful animated shorts that to this day cheer me when I am down.So, for simply stating this idea aloud and within earshot of a Hollywood system that would allow a sequel to The Sting (*shudder*), I ask you, with the greatest respect and with the purest of intentions, to please die.