Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Look, Kids! Parliament… Big Ben

I know I’m putting an awful lot of YouTube imbeds up, but I found this so enjoyable. I think what appeals to me the most is the fact that this is done in a Middle Eastern country. We hear so much about terrorism, jihadist movements and serious Muslims, but we rarely hear about their humorous side.

Monday, December 03, 2007

FOX "News" ReallyIs A Joke!

According to Bill, Alf is going to stop by "from time to time to comment on World Events." FOX doesn't have anyone on staff that can do that? They have to hire a puppet? Oh, wait... everyone at FOX "News" already is a puppet!

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Saturday, November 17, 2007

Martha KostyraSeptember 16th, 1914 - November 16th, 2007

Martha Stewart’s mom passed away on Friday. Lord knows, I love me some Martha—her mom was a real kick. At 93, she was still driving and still vibrant. How wonderful is that? That’s the way I want to go: a long, happy, healthy life and then—way past my 80’s—slip off into the night.

Thursday, November 08, 2007

Question Answered.

You’ve wondered about it—I’ve wondered about it: Is Mickey Rourke still alive? Yes, folks, Johnny Handsome is still alive and getting arrested in Florida. For what you ask? Sex with a cop in a public bathroom.

No. No. I kid. He’s not a Republican. It was for drunk driving… on a Vespa. I kid you not.

Please check out his ears… you can see where his “plastic surgeon” did the tucking. Dude, seriously, get your money back. Or go have a drink… er, maybe not. At least go out and get a decent shirt. Sheesh…

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

What the hell is going on? Repbulicans aren't just gay, they're freaks: public restrooms, (here, here, and here) payments, hustlers, and now lingerie... Talk about seriously needing to get laid...

Message to all Republicans: we all now assume you're gay. Deny it all you want, but Larry Craig, Bob Allen, Richard Curits, Joey DiFatta, et al have pretty much confirmed that you guys are a bunch of sexual deviants. Not for having sex with men, but the way you have sex with men. Keep it out of the public restrooms and headlines and keep it in the bedroom* where it belongs.

Sunday, October 28, 2007

SWEEP!

I've been quietly following the Sox all year... always out in front (at one point 13 games ahead in the East) and always the best average in MLB. I broke my rule of no watching tonight--I couldn't not watch (Saturday night I watched the first inning and was convinced they were going to lose because of me* so I turned off the game and went to bed).

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Wow. Seriously, WOW! This site is so clever—this guy is a genius, to which I can only marvel. Mr. Jalopy likes to go around garage sales and collect things… then he restores, displays, admires, and shares them with the world. If you're into cars, you'll LOVE this site.

He’s been in Make magazine (on the cover, no less) and has appeared on BoingBoingTV. Check out his giant iPod (well, record converter to iTunes)

(for some reason I can't get the sound to start automatically... I have to hit the volume button next to the zoom feature to get the sound to start--so if you have problems, start there... then seek therapy... ha! I'm funny. No, really... I am... whatever. Just watch Joan... sheesh)

Friday, October 12, 2007

Gore Should Heed The Call — And RunThe Nation: After Winning A Nobel Prize, Al Gore's Next Logical Step Is The White House

Having now won the Norwegian Primary, it is reasonable to ask why Al Gore would want to slog his way through the snows of New Hampshire.

But the inconvenient truth is that never has the man who might yet be president needed to more seriously consider his personal legacy - not to mention the small matter of his potential to make the world anew - than now.

There is, after all, the matter of the open space at the end of what is now the most remarkable résumé of anyone seeking - or considering seeking - the presidency.

Let's review.

This is how Al Gore's résumé reads as of this morning:

Son of a great senator.

Harvard graduate, with honors.

Vietnam veteran.

Award-winning investigative journalist.

Congressman.

Senator.

Vice President.

Winner of the popular vote for President of the United States.

Best-selling author.

Environmental activist.

Academy Award winner.

And, now, Nobel Peace Prize winner - he shares the prize with the UN's Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change - for "their efforts to build up and disseminate greater knowledge about manmade climate change, and to lay the foundations for the measures that are needed to counteract such change."

As résumés go, that is one for the top of the pile.

But it begs the question: Shouldn't a man who has gotten this far be thinking about how to finish the journey?

And isn't the last stop the Oval Office?

To think that Gore is not pondering these questions today would be absurd.

Of course, the former vice president says, "The climate crisis is not a political issue, it is a moral and spiritual challenge to all of humanity."

No doubt about that.

But Gore cannot feign ignorance of his own "political issue." When he appeared in San Francisco on the eve of Friday morning's announcement, at a fundraising event for California Senator Barbara Boxer, the man of the hour tried to deliver an earnest address about climate change. But when he concluded his remarks, the crowd burst into chants of "Run Al Run!"

That message echoed the full-page ad that was placed by the burgeoning "Draft Gore for President" movement in the front section of Wednesday's New York Times. The advertisement bluntly suggested that the announced contenders for the Democratic presidential nomination lack Gore's “vision, standing in the world, and political courage" - not just with regard to climate change, but in his outspoken opposition to the war in Iraq, his defenses of civil liberties and his advocacy for a renewed commitment to science and reason.

"There are times for politicians and times for heroes. America and the Earth need a hero right now," read the Draft Gore movement's open letter to the soon-to-be Nobel man. "Please rise to this challenge, or you and millions of us will live forever wondering what might have been."

Now, that's pressure. But it is a velvet grip in which the peace prize winner finds himself.

Al Gore has arrived at the point that most politicians can only imagine in their wildest dreams. The entire world is asking him to be not merely a candidate but an ecological - not to mention, ideological - savior. And there is simply no question that he is viable. In fact, he is more viable than he has ever been.

Can Gore resist? Probably.

Should he resist? Probably not.

Sure, it will be said that Gore can do more to address climate change as a private citizen. But no one who as been so close to the presidency as he will miss the point that the most powerful official on the planet has some sway in matters involving the planet.

The last serious presidential prospect to win a Nobel Peace Prize was Teddy Roosevelt, who got the award when he was serving as president in 1906. (The Norwegians were impressed that he had convinced Japanese and Russian representatives to come to Portsmouth, New Hampshire, and that he had then gotten them to negotiate an end to a nasty little war they had been waging.)

Roosevelt exited the presidency in 1908 and almost immediately began to regret the decision. The peace prize was not enough to get Republicans to ditch his successor, the hapless William Howard Taft, and put Roosevelt at the head of their 1912 ticket. But TR did run the most successful third-party presidential campaign of the 20th century that year - as a "Bull Moose" Progressive.

Roosevelt never got over his belief that, had he just won the Republican nomination in 1912, he would again have been president. And, eight years later, at a point after the horrors of World War I when people were taking peace prizes rather more seriously, he was widely encouraged to make a run for the Republican nomination that probably would have secured him not just the party line but the presidency.

Roosevelt did not need much encouragement. Barely 60 - the age Gore will turn next March - the Rough Rider was ready for one more charge; indeed, family members and friends reported that he was raring to go.

Only the coronary embolism that did him in on January 6, 1919, was powerful enough to cure TR's case of presidency lust. And there is no reason to believe that Al Gore, a man who bid first for the presidency in 1988, considered running in 1992, spent eight years as an understudy, then bid again in 2000 - winning the Democratic nomination and the popular vote, but losing the job on a 5-4 technical call by the Supreme Court - is any less inclined that Roosevelt was to give it another try.

There will be a lot of "fire-in-the-belly" talk over the next few days.

But Al Gore should not be worrying about checking his gut.

He should be thinking about the résumé he has spent a lifetime preparing.

It is more impressive than ever.

Unfortunately, the suddenly more impressive character of Gore's résumé only serves to emphasize that it remains incomplete.

A Nobel Prize for Peace is a fine honor. But take it from a man who won the presidency and the prize but could not leave the political arena.

"It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better," Teddy Roosevelt said as he prepared another run for the White House. "The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat."

By John NicholsReprinted completely without permission from the The Nation.

Is that TR quote not the most inspiring thing ever? Makes me almost forget I'm a slacker... However, if Al decides to run, I will campaign for that man like never before... seriously, I've never really campaigned for someone. I will volunteer--answer phones, walk precincts, kiss babies, talk to Republicans--no job too ugly...

Monday, October 01, 2007

That’s All Folks

We lost two good ones today…

“Moneypenny! What gives?”Lois Maxwell, better known as Miss Moneypenny in over a dozen Bond films passed away this weekend. In my book she is the only Moneypenny. Granted, she was getting a little long in the tooth for the role of the woman pining over an increasingly younger Bond, but she was a constant. Her last Bond film was A View to A Kill—also known as a giant piece of shit. Not a good way to exit. I didn’t know that she won a Golden Globe in 1947 for her work in a Shirley Temple film. More about her at The New York Times.

Call of the ChampionsBeing a complete and total klutz, I’m a big Olympic-phile. I love the pomp & circumstance, the drama, the history, etc. of the Olympics (I get all misty during the opening ceremonies and cry when the torch is lit. Yep. Tears streaming down my face. I’m such a sap). So, when an athlete as amazing as Al Oerter passes, I feel it must be noted.

Oerter competed in the discus event in FOUR consecutive Olympics (1956 – 1968)—winning a gold medal each time! Sure, egomaniac Carl Lewis had a similar achievement, but his was even more remarkable, as The New York Times noted: “Oerter’s sweep was all the more remarkable because in each case he broke the Olympic record, beat the world record holder, overcame an injury and was not the favorite to win. His winning throws were 184 feet 11 inches in Melbourne in 1956, 194-2 in Rome in 1960, 200-1 in Tokyo in 1964 and 212-6 in Mexico City in 1968.” Unlike Lewis, Mr. Oerter was humble in his victory: “The first one, I was really young; the second, not very capable; the third, very injured; the fourth, old.”

He came close to winning a spot on the 1980 Olympic team (coming in fourth) and attempted to get on the team again in 1984 at the age of 47, but tore a calf muscle and had to bow out. He continued to compete in events for men over 40 until his 60’s and worked as a motivational speaker.

Sunday, September 30, 2007

Folsom!

Sunday was the Folsom Street Fair in San Francisco. A wholesome family-affair celebrating the leather fetish scene and those that like to watch (me)!

It’s much like many small town festivals, except the crowd is mostly men, mostly half-naked, and there are people flogging and peeing on each other. I’m sure they have similar festivals in Kansas and Oklahoma…

I did manage to see some wonderful things… most of which I can’t show you.

However, here are some of the highlights of what I saw:

Celebrities!

Batman & Robin(?)

Porn Stars!

The Uber-Sexy Jason Ridge (with the camera)

Alex Collack (looking right at the camera… and into my soul!)

Men in Lederhosen (wtf?)

Men in Love

Games!

Men Playing Twisted Twister

Lots of Men in Chaps

Men without Pants (note the shadow…)

LOTS of People

In case you were wondering… some women did show up, however, while she did wear a “wrap” of sorts, this young lady seems to have misplaced her bra!

Not Shy...

And I did manage to find a few old friends… but they requested I not post any pictures:

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Lecture of A Lifetime

Randy Pausch, a 46-year-old Carnegie Mellon computer science professor, gave his last lecture last week, and it is amazing. Professor Pausch is dying of pancreatic cancer and only has a few months to live. However, he is still in remarkable shape and is a brilliant and compelling speaker.

Here are parts one and two—the lecture is quite long (many more parts) but it is well worth it. It’s heartbreaking that such a brilliant mind will not be with us much longer. But it is heartwarming to watch such a brilliant speaker at his peak.

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

In Defense of Britney Spears

I’ve heard a lot about Britney Spears’ performance on the VMA’s last weekend and I’m shocked at how gleeful everyone seems to be at this poor girl’s folly. So far, I have seen only one brave and rational soul stand up and speak out for the poor girl:

Personally, I have not seen the performance, but I think someone needs to defend the girl’s actions.

Thursday, September 06, 2007

Some People are Just Unlucky (i.e. ME)

I started driving when I was 18. Yes, I procrastinated. The whole thing scared me: 2 ton vehicle + “you can kill someone” + “Red Asphalt” = scared to drive. Eventually, I got over it and drove without incident for over 23 years.

Then, in 2005 some idiot came flying out of a parking lot, hit me and ruined my perfect record. After filing claims and going for a month without my car, I finally got my car back. But I’ve been forever a little skittish driving. I kept waiting for someone else to smash into me.

So it surprised me a few months ago when I was driving home from a booty call and merging onto a busy road in SF when I rear-ended a woman! Never a good thing... It cost me $800 and I’m sure my insurance will go up, so I’m even more skittish about driving.

And then today happened…

As I was driving home, traffic on Page Mill Road was very slow, as a bus rear-ended a car. It looked as if they were stuck together. It stayed with me the whole way home: you never know when someone isn’t paying attention and they run right into you. I did it, others do all the time.

There are four lanes in the exit off of 880 South onto Hamilton Avenue: (starting from the left) Lane #1 is a left only turn, Lane #2 is a left only turn, Lane #3 can go left or straight, and Lane #4 is right turn only. I was in Lane #3 going left. Crusher was in Lane #2, deciding that he wanted to go straight…

Quick quantum physics lesson: two objects cannot occupy the same space at the same time.

The bastard hit me. For your viewing pleasure, a satellite photo of the intersection is below. Note the lanes are clearly marked, note how I’m turning and how he’s hitting me! My insurance is going to skyrocket (if they don’t drop me) and I’m sure this will be another point on my driving record—all crap I don’t need.

Tomorrow I think I’ll take the train to work, because I don’t think my poor car can take anymore…

Last night I went to The Plush Room and saw Katey Sagal perform. WOW! She was fantastic. I knew the woman could sing, but I didn’t know she could SING!

I was so impressed, after the show I bought her album (she signed it) and today, I went to her website and bought another of her albums.

Ms. Sagal puts on a FANTASTIC show—her band was great and the audience (small, but good sized for a Wednesday cabaret show) was really into her. I was impressed by the number of younger people there (in their 20’s). With cabaret acts, I expect to be making up the younger demographic.

Jilly-bean and I met this wonderful couple who recently moved from New Orleans (they loved the show, too) and a couldn’t-be-cuter young, hipster gay couple sitting directly in front of us enjoyed the show as well.

She writes most of her songs, so she is not singing The American Songbook, which is new for me. I’m used to Andrea Marcovicci (whom I adore), but this was so different, yet equally entertaining.

Katey Sagal continues through September 8, and if you’re in the San Francisco Bay Area, I strongly encourage you to see the show. And if she’s coming to your town, go and see her, you won’t be disappointed!

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Get Her a MENSA Application!

TRANSCRIPT: "I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because, uhmmm, some people out there in our nation don't have maps and uh, I believe that our, I, education like such as uh, South Africa, and uh, the Iraq, everywhere like such as, and I believe that they should, uhhh, our education over here in the US should help the US, uh, should help South Africa, it should help the Iraq and the Asian countries so we will be able to build up our future, for us."

Sadly, Miss South Carolina, Lauren Caitlin Upton, did NOT win Miss Teen USA. Apparently, you can’t be a total f’ing idiot and take home The Prize. But you can be in the top five.

Friday, August 24, 2007

And You Think I’ve Got Too Much Time on My Hands…

I first saw the unintentionally funny comic panels on Yes but No but Yes, but found even more at the source, Super Dickey. Below are some of my favorite panels—anyone who says that superheroes aren’t gay needs to answer to these panels:

Thursday, August 23, 2007

His voice is okay I guess--but certainly not worthy of idolization in Germany. It's just his attempt at emoting that makes this truly painful to watch. Plus, it is Hasselhoff and he's nucking futz. The ending is the best: listen to his voice quiver. I finally get what Randy means when he says "You sound a little pitchy."

Friday, August 17, 2007

Alexyss Tylor Warns The Gays

Remember Alexyss Tylor? Ms. Vagina Power is back with another hysterical video--this one blaming white men for subverting young black men because they want the young black men “to screw ‘em all in the ass…”

As always, Ms. Tylor has no facts to back up her statements, but I really don’t know if there is any kind of study on men who "suck a dick up till they hiccup..."

Ignorance is bliss… but in this case, it’s hysterical. Yes, she’s a racist. Yes, she’s a homophobe. Yes, she’s dumb as a box of rocks (and not the smart rocks, either). But, she provides endless entertainment—and for that, I am grateful.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

A lot has been written lately on the NYFD calendar’ cover guy for 2008—Michael Bistera—who was in a guys going wild video showing off his fire hose (nsfw). God love him, the guy is hung huge.

Due to the “scandal,” the NYFD said they were going to pull the calendar and forfeit some $150,000 for fire safety and recruitment programs.

Today, I staggered outside (I'm home with the flu) and found they had mailed the calendar! I thought I got through on some sort of loophole, but when I went to check their website I found the purchase link still active. Upon listening carefully to the press reports, they will not be participating in future calendars.

This is confusing to me: a bunch of firemen shirtless isn’t damaging the department’s credibility, but showing your junk 4 years before you join the fire department does? No, they aren’t upset that he flashed his johnson, they’re upset he’s bigger than they are.

I guess the lesson is: People are afraid of big dicks...

Personally, I think the NYFD will rethink the issue when this calendar sells more than previous calendars and they make a ton of money. That lesson is obvious: Big dicks rule!

Monday, August 13, 2007

PostSecret

PostSecret is one of the most moving sites on the web. Started as an art project a few years ago, Frank Warren had anyone who wished to anonymously mail their secrets on a homemade postcard to his home. The project spawned PostSecret.com—an ongoing art project and the largest advertisement-free Blog on the web—as well as two books.

Some secrets are funny, some strange, many bizarre, and some heartbreakingly tragic—all are fascinating. Every week 20 new secrets are posted on the site to amuse, beguile, scare, sadden and to let others know they are not alone.

I'm looking online this morning (slow Monday) and I see something that makes me smile:

Sadly, it's about naming your baby... Damn. The alternative might have made for some really funny YouTube videos...

And then I saw this one:

There is no mention of The Governator in the article (or Conan, for that matter). If spraying the valley makes us all big and strong, then I'm all for it. However, if it shrinks my nuts, I'm against it. That's just how I roll...

Friday, August 10, 2007

Here’s to Reaching Out

We go through life, not realizing the struggles and triumphs of those that have gone before us. Strong praise needs to go to Story Corps—maintained by the Library of Congress and presented each week by NPR.

Today, I listened to the story of Larry Young, who grew up a farmer’s son in Tennessee in the 1940’s. He decided he wanted to go to college, and with no help from his family, he went to the local college, threw two five dollar bills on the counter and asked to be admitted. The administrator questioned the self-described “country boy” on why he wanted to go to college—Mr. Young replied, "I plan to make something out of myself."

Eventually, he was brought to the Dean, who inquired if he knew how to drive a truck. He lied and said, “Yes.” “By the grace of God” he drove a garbage truck that paid his tuition.

No one knew he did not have a place to stay, so he found a spot in the dormitory, between two mattresses. When discovered, he was brought before a disciplinary committee—when they heard his story, they found him a place to stay. “And from that day forward, I never looked back.”

Eventually, he became the first African American director of food sanitation for Detroit Health Department, where he inspired others to reach farther.

Mr. Young’s story is just one of thousands available. But his exemplifies the beauty and simplicity of Story Corps: “I've always felt that, as long as I live, I was going to use my life to reach out and touch another life with hope.”

How (you may ask) does this have any connection to me? Well (I answer) I was singing “Boots” back in 1995, when a tragic—and all too common—karaoke accident occurred: I dislocated my knee. Yes. I dislocated my knee whilst mouthing the words, “Are you ready boots? Start walkin'!”

I have never sung that song again.

"These boots are made for walking, and that's just what they'll doone of these days these boots are gonna walk all over you."

They asked 440 men and women to get the results. What guys did they ask? Did anyone answer, “Well, I’m a guy… and I was awake”? because that would be my answer.

Some of the reasons included are:

No. 35 “I wanted to see what all the fuss was about”No. 78 “I was on the ‘rebound’ (That’s pretty much the only way I get laid…)No. 141 “I wanted the person to love me” (And we do love you—God bless thewhores!)No. 46 “I wanted to get a raise” (you’d better be really good…)No. 52 “Someone offered me money to do it” (God bless the whores!)No. 133 “I wanted to be nice” (Thank you!)No. 53 “I wanted to feel closer to God” (God bless the whores!)No. 107 “I wanted to say ‘thank you.’” (No… thank you)No. 61 “I wanted to be popular” (God bless the whores!)No. 70 “Someone dared me” (God bless the easily manipulated)No. 82 “I wanted to get out of doing something” (I gotta try that the next timesomeone cute asks me to help them move: “Instead of that…”)No. 121 “I didn’t know how to say ‘no.’” (Can we get this person’s address?)No. 87 “I wanted to change the topic of conversation” (I would love tobe a fly on the wall for that conversation)No. 15 “I was horny” (Really? That’s the best you can do?)No. 51 "I wanted to give someone a sexually transmitted disease" (Who said romance is dead?)

It’s almost the weekend, kids. Go find yourself a reason and get busy!

"Do Ask; I Tell!"(c)

About Me

Chris bakes, bartends, walks dogs, makes a lovely wedding gift, slices & dices, lifts & separates, cooks in only seconds, bends, folds, mutilates, dances, prances, soars, bores, snores, files, piles, dials, kneads reeds and beads, floats like a butterfly, stings like a bee, pickles prickly peppers, sells sea shells with Suzy by the sea shore, chucks wood with woodchucks, lifts stains effortlessly, is new AND improved, is the brother of three, the uncle of five, the father of none, and a direct descendant of a guy named Lazard. He was married in November 2015 to a handsome and amazing Frenchman named Frédéric.