Yes, self care is important, but do you ever find yourself blurring the lines between self care and self pity or absorption? Exploring this line and how focusing more on COMPASSION and KINDNESS for others is key to releasing some of our own pain.

Book referenced: The Book of JOY by The Dalia Lama & Archbishop Desmond Tutu

“There is nothing MISSING and nothing BROKEN in my soul.” I heard this today and it blew my mind. In this episode, I'm taking you on a journey of how this statement had it's way with me and how I want it to have it's way with YOU.

How often do you think something positive or a compliment in your head about another person, but you don't share it with them? We all do it! It's time for us to start sharing this joy and in this episode we will discuss why.

Have you ever thought about how limit the love we share to try and control a situation or another person? How we limit how much love we are willing to share because we think it will either a) protect us from being hurt or b) control the other person? I know I've experienced it. I've lived in situations where others tried to control me by limiting how much they would love me.

But this is what I've learned? when we limit the amount of love that we are willing to give, all we are really doing is putting a cap on how much love we have in our OWN hearts.

In this episode, I am going to share ideas and ways that you can adopt “amnesia from fear” in your heart and learn to live a life with LOVE serving as your North Star.

Maybe part of your path to love means finding more satisfaction in your life!

Yes, you need to love yourself more, and here are 3 reasons why…

If you are anything like me, despite being a positive and upbeat person, loving myself hasn't necessarily come easy. In fact, I think about it as more of a work in progress rather than a destination that I've landed at.

In my practice, I've learned that I'm not alone, as many have shared their struggles with self acceptance, being kind to themselves, and self love. It's like there is a resistance that starts to bubble up the minute we start talking about the idea of loving ourselves. Or saying: Self, I love you.

So why are so many resistant to the idea of self love? (And if you do NOT struggle with this, please do keep reading as I've got a question for you at the end.)

The great Marianne Williamson shares this quote:

Hmm… maybe we fear loving ourselves because we are afraid of how bright we might shine?

Maybe we are afraid that we will shine and then fail?

Maybe we are afraid to outshine others?

Whatever the reason, it is our JOB to shine and LOVE, so let's get too it…

I've found that to get people a little more comfortable with this conversation, it's all about how you frame it. And for many, a way to make this more palatable, is to start with how loving yourself will impact OTHERS.

So here goes…

3 Reasons you NEED to Love Yourself MORE:

Because YOU do good things for other people. Right now, think of ONE thing that you've done recently for someone that was purely out of love and kindness. It could be anything… carrying in your neighbor's groceries, listening to a distressed friend, or telling someone how much you appreciate them. These are all ACTS of LOVE and you give them to others. So… you need to love yourself MORE because you are LOVING to others and want to continue doing so.

Because a RISING tide LIFTS all BOATS. (Yes, you will continue to hear me say this…) I heard a great story the other day. A woman wanted to feel more radiant, so as she was getting dressed one morning, she put on her (somewhat average) teal t-shirt and said to herself over and over: I am radiant. And yes, as she went about her day, she was told on more than one occasion: You look RADIANT today!

So what's my point? As you love YOURSELF others will see it, they will feel it, and they will “want what she's having.” Love yourself and others will do the same. Your love is the TIDE that will lift ALL boats.

Because the four year old you deserves to be loved. Right now, think about the innocent, child version of you. You probably immediately saw an image of yourself around the ages of four to six. I know that my first grade school picture quickly comes to mind.

Right now, ask yourself: would you EVER talk to her or him the way you talk to yourself NOW? Of course not! You would love and encourage and support that four year old you. So here's the lesson: that four year old you IS you and is DESERVING of your LOVE.

What do these three reasons conjure up for you?

What is going through your head right now?

My hope is that this sheds a light on you and opens you up to the idea of why you must express love for yourself. It all must start from within. The only way that we can truly love others is to love ourselves first.

Please comment below and share what is resonating with you, what you struggle with related to self love, or just say: I am willing to consider loving myself.

Now, as I mentioned at the start of this post, if this is NOT a challenge for you and if you consider yourself to be a self-love junkie, I want to hear from YOU! Comment below or email me: [email protected] and share WHY and HOW you feel you have come to this place. It just might be what someone else needs to hear!

Does the conversation around “self love” make you squirm? Do you feel resistance or anxious when you talk or think about loving yourself more? Many of us struggle with the idea of self love and learning how to unconditionally love ourselves.

Many of us have also gotten pretty good at criticizing and judging ourselves? well aren't you ready for that to change? Aren't you at least willing to experiment with how it might feel to love yourself?

In this episode, I'm sharing the 3 reasons why you need to love yourself more. For yourself and for those around you.

Maybe part of your path to self love means finding more satisfaction in your life!

I’m guessing your answer is a firm “NO” as I know that is my response. So why then am I so willing to criticize, judge, and shame the almost 40 year old version of her?

Time to get real, my friends….

As a health and fitness coach, and someone who believes deeply in the practice of being mindful, intentional, and raising my own level of self awareness, how could I possibly struggle so much with adopting the practices of self love and self care that I teach my clients? It rolls off my tongue so easily, and I believe in it SO deeply when I talk to people about learning to love and respect themselves; but newsflash friends, I’m human too and I also struggle.

So let’s just lay it on the line…

Most of the time I am positive, happy, and grateful and I really strive to live my life in this space, but I get down just like everyone else and I have to work to lift myself up out of the space of fear, darkness, and self loathing.

I was recently listening to a podcast with Kris Carr, who I just love, and she was talking about this exact subject. She is one of the most inspiring speakers and authors of our time, a self proclaimed cancer “thriver”, Kris lives with stage four terminal cancer and thrives. Well in this podcast she was talking about how she sometimes slips into a dark space of judgement, and when she does, she looks at a picture of her five year old self and asks: would you judge her in this way? Wow, this really struck a cord, and the picture posted at the top of this post is exactly the image of myself that came to mind. The first-grade version of Jan that was happy, with just a touch of apprehension. You might not be able to see the vulnerability in my smile, but my goodness, I can feel it like it was yesterday.

So I asked myself, would you EVER say this to the first grade Jan:

WHY are you so frigging emotional? Stop being SO sensitive.

Why don’t you do MORE? You are procrastinating again, you are LAZY.

Why are you eating THAT and why are you eating SO much of it. You are a health coach for crying out loud, you TEACH this stuff, why can’t you get it RIGHT for yourself?

Your thighs. Ugh.

You are a FRAUD.

Would I ever say any of this to that little girl, who was so proud of the dress she was wearing, but yet held back a bit of her smile because she was just a little afraid of being so happy? NEVER.

Never. Never. Never.

I want to love her and tell her that she is PERFECT exactly as she is.

I want to tell her that her sweet, sensitive, and often overly excitable spirit, will make people happy and make them smile.

I want to tell her that she will live a life that is real and messy and beautiful and that she will inspire others to do the same.

I want to tell her that she should NEVER hold back her smile as it is okay to be vulnerable and afraid.

I want to tell her that no matter what happens, she will be okay as there is so much love and light in her heart.

I would tell her that I LOVE HER. I LOVE HER.

Friends, it is so easy for me to look at this picture and tell her that I love her, but to be totally raw and honest, I struggle to look in mirror and say it to the almost 40 year old version of her. So for today, I will love her. And when I find myself falling into that space of self judgement and shame, I will ask myself, would you say this to HER? And with that, the healing begins.

So if any of this resonates, I suggest that you pull out the old photo albums and find THIS picture of YOU. I’m sure that one has already come to mind. Frame it and visit it whenever you find yourself saying anything to yourself that you wouldn’t say to HER.

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