Second Helpings

Message to Santa: Peace on Earth? Goodwill toward men? A Christmas bonus? The Big Guy at the North Pole never seems to deliver on my personal, end-of-year wishes. Maybe this year he'll at least consider my professional requests. Plenty of restaurants in this town need to get their acts in order, with or without Santa's help. If they don't, I'm prepared to be naughty, not nice. Here are my demands for 2000:

1. Get those rest rooms fully stocked and sparkling clean.

2. $3.50 for a cup of espresso? The price alone is enough to keep me up at night.

3. Turn off the television and background music. I don't want to see ESPN tractor pulls or listen to Celine Dion.