How many times can one father’s heart break? Too many. The answer is too many.

I don’t feel really positive right now and that bothers me. Unfortunately, the reality is that sometimes life just sucks. Life is unfair and cruel at times and it feels like Gavin has had a disproportionate amount come his way.

Gavin’s still hallucinating and frankly, things are getting worse.

He’s becoming very preoccupied with his visibly challenged group of super best friends and is spending less time in the reality that the rest of us live in.

His friends are always coming with him now and he’s involving them in his decision making.

This morning he drew a picture of Twilight Sparkle’s Midnight form. Twilight Sparkle is one of his visibly challenged super best friends.

Before he drew her in this particular form (seen below), he told me that he needed to ask her permission first. Apparently, this Midnight form was evil or something like that and he wanted to make sure it was okay with her that he drew her like that.

My first thought was, that was nice of him to consider her feelings. Then I realized that he was considering her feelings. He was considering the feelings of a cartoon character that has none.
It’s sweet of him to do that and I think it goes to highlight his remarkable character. In fact, I’m even proud of him for doing that, as weird as that may sound.

The concern is that he’s further blending these two worlds together and becoming even more confused.

It’s really hard to watch him go through this and it’s only getting worse. He’s also becoming more and more oblivious to the things going on around him.

I share this next part because it helps to pull this all into context.

Gavin and I went to the grocery store today, in order to get some things for school lunches and dinner. I had asked Gavin to change out of his sweatshirt because it was too hot outside for him to wear it.

We did our shopping and as we were walking out of the store, I realized that Gavin had put his Polo shirt on inside out.

I didn’t say anything to him at this point because I knew how he would react and we were already done and getting into the car so I figured we’d address it at home.

We’re at a stop light and Gavin’s begins staring at his shirt. I can see the gears trying to turn as he’s staring at himself, as though he knows somethings wrong but can’t figure out what it is.
I asked him what was wrong and he tells me that the logo of his shirt had fallen off. Are you sure that’s what happened, I asked him. He replies with what else could it be?.?