"If you were a pirate, you know what would be the one thing that would really make you mad? Treasure chests with no handles. How the hell are you supposed to carry it?!"Jack Handy Deep Thoughts~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A white-haired old man walked into a jewelry store on a Friday, with a beautiful young lady at his side.

"I'm looking for a special ring for my girlfriend," he said.

Our jeweler looked through our stock and took out an outstanding ring priced at $5,000.

"I know, sorry, but can you imagine what a FANTASTIC weekend I had?"~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Harold was an old man. He was sick and in the hospital. There was one young nurse that just drove him crazy. Every time she came in, she would talk to him like he was a little child. She would say in a patronizing tone of voice, "And how are we doing this morning, or are we ready for a bath, or are we hungry?"

Old Harold had had enough of this particular nurse. One day, Old Harold had breakfast, pulled the juice off the tray, and put it on his bed side stand. He had been given a urine bottle to fill for testing. The juice was apple juice. So .. you know where the juice went!

The nurse came in a little later, picked up the urine bottle and looked at it. "My, but it seems we are a little cloudy today .." At this, Old Harold snatched the bottle out of her hand, popped off the top, and drank it down, saying, "Well, I'll run it through again. Maybe I can filter it better this time."

The nurse fainted ...! Old Harold just smiled!

DON'T MESS WITH OLD PEOPLE!!!!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

An elderly man went to his doctor and said, "Doc, I think I'm getting senile. Several times lately, I have forgotten to zip up."

"That's not senility," replied the doctor. "Senility is when you forget to zip down."~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Date of Joke: Thursday, 20th January, 2005

John and his wife are getting ready for bed. The wife is standing in front of a full length mirror taking a hard look at herself. "You know love" she says, "I look in the mirror and I see an old woman. My face is all wrinkled, my boobs are barely above my waist and my bum is hanging out a mile. I've got fat legs and my arms are all flabby." She turns to John and says, "Tell me something positive to make me feel better about myself."

He thinks about it for a bit and then says in a soft voice,,,,

"Well... there's nothing wrong with your eyesight."~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Aging with a Smile

Any woman can have the body of a 21-year-old, as long as she buys him a few drinks first.

My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.

Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.

I've still got it, but nobody wants to see it.

I'm getting into swing dancing.. Not on purpose. Some parts of my body are just prone to swinging.

It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffeemaker.

I think I've reached my sexpiration date.

People our age can still enjoy an active, passionate sex life! Provided we get cable or that dish thing.

The good news is that even as we get older, guys still look at our boobs. The bad news is they have to squat down first.

These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For fast relief."

I've tried to find a suitable exercise video for women my age, but they haven't made one called "Buns of Putty."

Don't think of it as getting hot flashes. Think of it as your inner child playing with matches.

Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up.

Remember: You don't stop laughing because you grow old, You grow old because you stop laughing.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. ￼

Can you believe it's Wednesday already?

Only two days to get through. ￼

Gee I haven't been this excited since my kidney infection. ￼

I'll just keep my head down, focus on work, and hope that it passes quickly.

I also hope that I don't run into a wall.

I still have a bump on my head and a stiff neck from the last time. ￼

I don't want to have to spend that one day off in the chiropractor's office. ￼

Hey! What if we had Attipractors? ￼

I could just go in and get an attitude adjustment, and then maybe I wouldn't need my Chiropractor. ￼

I feel better already.

Have a happy day ever body.......and...everybody.

joe

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"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

Got Mojo moved down to BR stables he's nice and cozyin his stall with all his buddies around him~He loves it! I love it when I know he's nice & snug and drywhen it's pouring down rain here all week YUK!

I think I'm gonna try to trade my 3 wheel Rascal scooterfor a 4 wheel one I tipped over again today that makes it4 times now geez I really need to learn to drive better

Have a nice day Boomers~

got a Kidney Doc appt today~ Karen

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"Horses are smart"

"You never heard of a Horse going broke"betting on Humans~ Will Rogers~

Good morning everyone. Ana, I'm happy your test came back OK. Karen, I hope you can trade your scooter for a 4 wheeled one. Trippy. The boys just left to work in Penn. Please send positive thoughts for a safe trip. A trip to Walmart is in the cards for today. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful Hump day. Danish, French Toast, and Omelets with Hash Browns and Toast in the NC.

Unhappy day for me so far. The school board member who has been indited for corruption, etc. looks like she may win her seat again. Arrragghh! I guess nobody watches the news anymore, and only goes by how many signs are on the lawns around town when picking who to vote for. I saw loads of 'her' signs and only one obscure sign for any of the challengers. Pays to advertise. Votes still being counted, but looks like she's a winner. Will be fun with her trial in January to see if she is convicted or pleads out to a lesser charge in return for 'tattling' on the real offenders in all of this.

In better news, it's a nice day and although I'm once again fighting ants in the bathroom, the raccoons have scattered loads of tiny broken dead tree branches on my deck, the water dishes were totally mud again (they love to bathe every night), but my yard kid (the one who keeps doing stupid stuff and ended up in jail for a month) is back and looking for yard work. I can use him for sure. Lots of raccoon poop piles to shovel, some new hedge plants to dig holes for and other icky stuff I can't or don't feel like doing. Yup, good day I guess.

Good Morning!!Still worrying about Evelyne and what she may or may not have found upon her arrival.Ana, I am so happy to hear your news is good. I got the game, thank you for the heads up. It looks to be delightful.Nan, I am not kidding, my pumpkins taste like the best squash ever.Enjoy your day with Soot, L2L! Hope you perk up soon!Hope you have a good day Haroula.I am praying the storm is just a drop in the puddle, Sue and that the East Coast will be spared any more damage.Glad Mo is in a better place Karen. Do you still have Apple?Hope your day is a good one Miss venus.Hi to Connie and Gail and Soot. Wishing all of you a great day also.Hope you can get your connectivity problems solved soon, Joe.Good luck today Midgie, I hear Boston has some great docs. It better have!!! I have an Aunt who has to wear a "moonboot" due to pain in ankle after a break and not healing properly. The boot has worked wonders and she got the help in Boston!!Hope your yardboy can get a lot done, Sorta.Hi Space, when you get here. Hope you are having a nice day. Off I go to butcher yet another pumpkin...yesterday it was beets.Happy Gaming!!

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LotusLife is like a hot bath. It feels good while you’re in it, but the longer you stay in, the more wrinkled you get.