What is performance anxiety?

What is performance anxiety?

"The most important step to overcoming performance anxiety is speaking to your partner and discussing your worries. Building up each other's self-confidence will help you enjoy sex together. " - Dr Louisa Draper

"The most important step to overcoming performance anxiety is speaking to your partner and discussing your worries. Building up each other's self-confidence will help you enjoy sex together. "

Anxiety is a psychological issue: a fear of something or worrying about things. One form of anxiety which is relatively common relates to sexual performance. Though this is often perceived as a predominantly male problem, a large number of both men and women suffer from it.

How does it affect sex?

In men, performance anxiety may be fear of having erection problems or fear of premature ejaculation. In women, it can be fear that they are incapable of reaching orgasm or satisfying their partner. However, it is this preoccupation with performance that often prevents people from relaxing and enjoying a satisfying relationship.

Anxiety about performance (Will I or won't I?) will often stop you enjoying the sensation and signals from your partner which indicate that there is no real issue. By focusing on your fears of performance, you are not focusing on your partner. Whether the question is "Will I get an erection?" or "Will I be able to orgasm?", both men and women suffer the same kind of anxiety which can prevent them enjoying their sexual relationship.

Male and female performance anxiety - how to overcome it

It's important to remember that no two human beings will respond to sexual stimulus in the same way. Everyone will have different feelings, levels of arousal or responses to foreplay. Not getting an erection or not reaching an earth-shattering climax are not the problems you may feel they are.

Too many people are made to feel inadequate by the depiction of sex and sexual performance in the media. In real life, sexual experiences vary and communication is the key to a good sex life, not the size of your genitalia, how your body looks, how long you last or if/when you climax.

The most important step to overcoming performance anxiety is speaking to your partner and discussing your worries. Building up each other's self-confidence and the feeling of being loved and cared for will help you enjoy sex together.

How does performance anxiety affect men?

The more a man worries about whether he will be "able to perform", the less likely he is to be able to relax, enjoy the feeling of arousal and actually reach an erection. Feeling inadequate can be a very painful experience and sometimes lead to men actually avoiding sex out of fear of failure. This is a self-perpetuating vicious circle: the more a man worries, the less likely he will be able to "perform". Every new failure increases the degree of anxiety, which in turn makes it harder to achieve and maintain an erection.

Does Viagra help men overcome anxiety about sex?

Medications such as Viagra can help restore self-confidence in men with anxiety issues. If taking an ED tablet helps you feel confident that you will be able to gain an erection, you may find it easier to concentrate on enjoying having sex. Once you have learned to let go and not worry about your performance, you may find that you can perform without the tablets.

However, medication should not be relied upon to cure your anxiety. Some anxiety is very deep-rooted and may not be helped by Viagra but require therapy.

How does anxiety affect women’s sexual experience?

Women suffering from poor body image will often fret about how they are perceived by their partner, and worry that their bodies may turn their partner off. They also tend to worry they will not be able to satisfy their partner in bed. This can make them uncomfortable, decrease desire, and lead to avoidance of nudity or sex completely. In a sexual situation, worrying about these issues can also prevent women from becoming aroused, properly lubricated and eventually from having a climax.

Are there any treatments which help?

Sexual performance anxiety can have a devastating impact on a person's emotional and social life. You should not feel embarrassed to discuss it with your doctor, who will ask you some relevant questions to evaluate your situation. Your doctor may perform some tests to make sure that your physical problems are not caused by an underlying medical reason. If there is a medical reason that causes premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunction or insufficient lubrication, there are a range of drugs and treatments available which can solve these issues.

If there is no medical reason and your performance anxiety is purely psychological, your doctor may refer you to a counsellor or sexual therapist. An experienced professional should be able to help you identify the cause of your anxiety and show you techniques which will help you deal with it. This form of therapy can often reduce or eliminate performance anxiety entirely.

How to stop performance anxiety

Often people will resort to "Dutch courage" in the hope that this will improve their performance in bed and give them more confidence. Unfortunately, alcohol has an adverse effect on men, as it impacts their ability to get an erection.

If you suffer from anxiety, the most important thing to do is speak to your partner about it. Discuss your worries, expectations, possible techniques for relaxation and foreplay, and enjoy each other until you feel comfortable enough to have sex.

How common is it to be anxious about your sexual performance?

Sexual performance anxiety is something most people encounter at some stage of their lives. Whether you are stressed about a job, a family situation, a health issue or something else, this can often spill over and negatively affect a sexual relationship. Equally, a poor body image or worries about whether you will be able to satisfy your partner both reduce enjoyment of sex.

Other factors can contribute to anxiety levels, such as worries about contraception or privacy, inexperience or a negative past experience. It is not unusual to occasionally experience sexual performance anxiety, but you do not need to suffer from it: do seek help from your partner or your doctor if you suspect an underlying physical cause.