I remember once.... i used to bite the shoulder part of my partner when i'm about to come... and i long to scratch his back (because a friend told me she does that with her husband when she's about to come or when everything's just delicious for her)... but my nails are always nipped to the quick....

I am not bi-curious... am only 15% lesbian and my fanciful nature towards girls is usually only limited to appreciating women who look good and confident... and checking out their ass.....

I am not into 3somes... I cringe at the thought of sharing my man... or being shared by my man...

So definitely, I am not into orgies either...

I am not into anal sex.... and the thought that my a-hole will be played with makes me grow cold.... sorry but I can't get past the a-hole = body wastes thing....

And I am not ok with the idea of allowing a guy to come inside my mouth.... maybe when am older and married.... but definitely not anytime soon.... I still haven't been able to master the gag reflex thingie... and really, who likes copious amounts of slippery, slimy, salty liquid? Had I loved that, i'd have binged on raw egg....

And I am not into toys.... am sure vibrators would make me laugh...

So... all things laid out like that... add the fact that I look pretty average, smell like vanilla mostly and that my muscle control prowess is shared by 1/3 of the female population.... leads me to the conclusion that...

I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do about you now
..............
And all the roads we have to walk are winding
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding
There are many things that I would
Like to say to you
But I don't know how
Because maybe
You're gonna be the one that saves me?
And after all
You're my wonderwall

I have been trying to do this OTSO thing from the Spaghetti song by the Sexbomb dancers... but alas... the moves just plain make look like an idiot...

*~*

Still, my silent suspicion that had I not had the brains to graduate and work, i'd have still succeeded as a a ledge/agogo dancer stands.... I mean, i've lately been exposed to them and I can honestly say, without conceit and vanity on my part, that I move better (shucks, some of them just keep on caressing their thighs and stuff).

But then again... I am not quite sure if I have the right mind to take off my clothes (unless it's to torture my man in a private room) in public...

It's sometimes nice to be oggled.... but seriously, I just cannot make a spectacle of myself...

*~*

It amazes me how male friends and acquaintances aren't concerned over this 16-year old girl who is ranting in a message board about her horniness and needs and sexcapades....

So, I only hope that these same men have sisters, cousins and lots of daughters.... let's see if they can sleep at night....

I mean, my sister is 17 years old... and she's starting to ask more questions about sex... and that's healthy...

But a girl at 14... saying she wanted to have sex and did it... and a girl of 16 soliciting sexual favors from strangers..

Sorry, that's not what GIRL POWER is all about... that is not being mature beyond her years... thats is not confidence...

That simply means... a troubled child with a perverted value framework...

Suddenly, the world is making me realize how truly conservative, inhibited and err... repressed I may still be..

*~*

Was talking to someone about loving, relationships and commitments... I know I would always sound conceited when I say that I have always found it easy to get loved by someone....

It's just that, eventhough I could return the devotion... something just keeps me holding back...

*~*

My Dad used to ask me what made me hate him... and what made me stop being HIS little girl... his baby...

I couldn't tell him... I could never have him confirm it to my face... or worse, have him lie to my face... that once, he so betrayed our family by mistress-ing a former maid... with the justification that Mom wasn't sweet and was always tired... and his kids don't seem to need him or want to spend time with him...

It may have been mid-life crisis... where a person starts to question his worth... the roles he play... and whether he's achieved to be the person he wanted to be years ago...

I know I wasn't much of a daughter then... too preoccupied with finding and then reinventing myself... I know Mom has always been really such a cold fish in their relationship...

But nothing will ever justify the everlasting damage to the trust and respect that he created....

And though i've come to terms with that episode... and that we're a better family now...

Arrghh... I need a new template. A climber friend told me that the image is still in my old blog... am assuming it's embedded somehow in the template itself... same way it was embedded in the avatar before...

One tells me that she likes 'it' rough. Next, she's telling me that she LOVES it ROUGH. Next, she's telling me how she loves being manhandled by an angry partner... and then.. she admits, she fantasizes she's being raped by her partner.

Whew.

Then, the other BF texted me last night... asking me to go get boys and come to her for an orgy. Seeing that we haven't been at each other's lives lately, I inquired whether she IS into that kind of stuff already. She answers with an invitation for a threesome with her boyfriend. After telling her that I am not at all turned on by her (and vainly enough, I feel I am sexier than her, although she's awful prettier) but that I am crushing on another girl... she tells me that I should get guys instead for a free 'lollipop'. I tell her that i don't have a problem about getting guys... and that I just really want to really kiss a girl once in my life... and instead, she offers me her boyfriend, proud to say, she's taught him well...