Date: Sat, 17 Apr 1999 18:40:49 EDT
From: AsnYang@aol.com
Subject: The Next Day
I've been told by some that people don't know who 98 Degrees is. I've got
two things to say to those people. 1) What the hell is wrong with you?
2) Here's a link to check them out if you want: http://www.98degrees.com .
Click on Bio, then Nick to see what he looks like (the pic does him no
justice) and get basic info about him. Now, next order of business, I
sorta forgot this in the last story and I'll put it in now (for the rest of
you who didn't see my address at the top), send criticism or whatever to
asnyang@aol.com . Okay, time to shut up now. (One last thing, I didn't
fall asleep in the previous part.)
The Next Day
KNOCK KNOCK!
My eyes immediately snapped open when the first knock sounded.
"Rodin! Cmon, we gotta go!" Lily's voice came booming through the
door and Nick and I got up from our place on his bed as fast as we could;
we were running around, grabbing clothes, throwing clothes at each, trying
to put them on quickly.
"Be right there!" I called out.
"Hurry up. We've been here long enough as it is. Remember,
imposing?"
"OK, hold on!"
I heard her retreating back down the hallway as I pulled my shirt
on. I ran into the bathroom, taking a quick glance. When I was satisfied
with my appearance, I walked over to where Nick was sitting on the bed.
"That was exhilarating, to say the least, Nick," I said as I put
one hand under his chin. I tilted it up to face me. I linked my other
hand into his.
"Same here."
I leaned in and kissed him with a kiss that wasn't as forceful as
our first ones, but still electrifying. We kissed for a few seconds when
there came another knock on the door.
"RODIN!"
Our lips temporarily glued together, I pulled away from him, bit by
bit. I turned and my hands unlinked from his, so slowly, they lingered in
the air, still aching for another touch. I left the room.
We rode the elevator in silence and walked to the lobby, standing
in front of the hotel, waiting for a limo that had been called for us by
the guys. I could tell that Lily wanted to say something, but couldn't
find a way to start it. As she was about to, the limo came and we got on.
I just sat back as Lily gave the driver directions. I started gathering my
thoughts in my mind about what had happened between me and Nick; how
unexpected it was, how strange it was, how wonderful, amazing, incredible,
and basically any other adjective possible it had been.
"Rodin? Rodin? Are you listening to me?"
"Huh? What? Yeah, I am?"
"Sure. What did I just say? Ugh, nevermind. I'll just say it
again. What the hell took you so long?" Lily asked.
"Sorry, we were just uh...watching TV and I really didn't want to
miss it so I was waiting for the commercial. Then I had to go the
bathroom."
"Sure," she said. I just stared straight out the window, fidgeting
from her suspicious gaze.
"You know, the guys told me something about Nick."
"They did? What was it?"
"I'm pretty sure you already know."
"I'm pretty sure I don't."
"He's gay."
"Oh."
"Are you?"
"Huh?" I was stunned, paralyzed. This was NOT a question I had
been anticipating.
"Are you gay, too?"
"Would it be bad if I was?"
"That's not for me to decide. However, you DO know how I feel
about homosexuals."
"Yeah, you're scared of them."
"Yeah. So, I'm guessing the answer is yes then?"
"...Yeah. Do you hate me?"
"Truthfully, I don't know. I never would've thought you were gay.
Out of all my guy friends, I would've picked someone like Alex Onish over
you any day."
I laughed. "Yeah, Alex does act pretty gay."
"Hey, is this the big secret you couldn't tell me?"
"Yup. Disappointed?"
"Naw. Hey, wait a sec, this was one of my guesses as to what the
secret was."
"I know," I grinned, "fooled you, didn't I?"
"Asshole." She smiled.
"Exactly. Wait, you ain't gonna tell anyone are you?"
"Of course not! I'm a better friend than that. I just don't know
how I feel about it right now, but I know I won't ever share it unless you
say so."
"Thanks. You don't know how good it is to finally tell someone.
It's like I'm finally free. It's the hardest thing I've ever had to do."
I moved over to her side of the seat and hugged her. My eyes started to
tear. "Oh god, I'm crying."
"Whoa, rare Kodak moment."
"Shut up."
"Hmmmm...I think there's a supposed to be a tissue around here. Oh
well, can't find. Just gonna hafta use your sleeve."
"It's okay. I'm sure I'll live."
"Okay then. So are you gonna tell anyone else?"
"I...don't know. I've heard that it's easier on the second person,
but I just can't be sure who to trust."
"Makes sense. Got any candidates in mind?"
"Well, what do you think of Sorina?"
"Strizak?" I nodded. "She's got a pretty open mind and hasn't she
mentioned it doesn't matter whether or not people are gay?" I nodded
again. "Then she's a good choice. Any others?"
"Ummm...Kitty?"
"Kuo? I'm not really friends with her, so I can't give you an
opinion on that."
I sighed. "Life really sucks. Too many choices."
"It's okay. I'll stand by you and help you no matter what."
"Thanks again. Aw crap, the tears are coming again. Just when I
got them to stop." She laughed. "Hey, not funny. Especially when there
aren't any tissues." She laughed again. "That wasn't that funny, you
know."
"I know. I dunno why I'm laughing."
"Okay then."
We made the rest of the trip in silence and when we arrived at
Lily's house, I hugged her again. We waited until she had gone in and then
I told the driver how to get to my own house. When I got in, I avoided
everyone and walked to my room. After locking the door, hitting play on
the stereo, I laid down on the bed and ran the recent events through my
head again. Nick, Nick in clothes, Nick out of clothes, Nick in bed, me
coming out. The tears started streaming down the side of my face again,
each one hitting its familiar place on my pillow. They fell to the soft,
steady beat of Monica's song, "Angel of Mine." I reached for my tissues
and got up to drag my trash can next to my bed. Then, for the first time,
as the sobs came harder and harder, I cried myself to sleep.
-------------
I woke suddenly, sitting up as if awaking from a harrowing
nightmare. My eyes flicked open quickly; immediately, they shut from the
dazzling sunshine flowing into the room. I reopened them cautiously and
they eventually adjusted. As I stared at the dust wafting in the sunlight,
the previous day's events came torrenting back at me for what seemed like
the millionth time. All the thoughts were good though so I was content in
just laying there and reliving the blithe moments. Besides, there was a
lethargic mood in the air as there usually is on a Sunday morning. "Angel
of Mine" was still playing. As it played, I listened to the words and
began to realize, slowly at first, that this was all about Nick. The words
were made to talk about him, the melody produced to show him, and the
message created to be him. However, this song was about two people. No,
it couldn't be. It wasn't. I had fallen in love with Nick.
With this new found knowledge, I didn't feel as lazy anymore.
Thus, I got myself out of bed and picked out an outfit for myself; then I
gathered it all up along with my antiperspirant and walked to the bathroom.
Thankfully, there was noone there. After closing and locking the door, I
turned on the hot water. A fiery, steamy shower was in order. I stripped
and looked at myself in the mirror. My eyes were red, my lips set in a
what seemed to be an interminable smile. Looking away, I decided to brush
in the shower, so I put some toothpaste onto the ugly, yellow toothbrush.
The change in the pitch of the water cascading out of the faucet told to me
the water had become blistering. I adjusted the knobs until the
temperature desired was reached. Not too cold, not too warm, just
perfectly scalding.
As the water came scorching down onto me, I let out a sigh and felt
my muscles relaxing. My eyes closed, my face tilted up, I turned to face
the showerhead and started brushing my teeth. It was a quick process and
after shampooing and soaping, I luxuriated in the scalding rain. "I love
showers," I thought to myself. I shut off the water. When I was dry, I
got dressed and walked to my room to get the Mya CD. I glanced at the
stereo clock as I went downstairs; it was only 10:30, early for a Saturday
morning.
I carried the bowl of Corn Pops I poured for myself to in front of
the computer. My sister was watching T.V. in the same room. I just
ignored her and turned on the computer. The familiar beeping of the modem
as it connected was for some reason, soothing. I hit play on the CD player
and the first song I had programmed, "I Wouldn't Cry For You If You Died
Cus You Never Loved Me Anyway" flowed out of the speakers. I scanned
through the everyday pile of email I had and started IM-ing a couple people
using ICQ as well as Instant Messenger. Then I remembered a very crucial
detail of the conversation I'd had yesterday with 98 Degrees; they had a
sn, 9DgReS8. It was so obvious, it seemed as if they were mocking
everybody, challenging people to IM them. As I added it to my buddy list,
I prayed Nick would be on. The sound of a door opening never sounded more
mellifluous to me nor was the sight of the * that signified someone had
just signed on more delightful.
"Heyo! This is Rodin. Who's using the comp now?"
"Hey. It's Jeff."
"Oh. Okis, how you doing?"
"Just an oh? What's wrong? Wishing for Nick? Sorry, but he's
still sleeping. I'm just fine. You?"
"I'm all good. You checking your mail?"
"Yeah, gotta look for an email from our manager. We hitting the
road soon and there is that release of "The Hardest Thing," video on TRL
coming up. We need to be there to help promote it."
"Oooh, fun. Where you guys touring?"
"Couple places, I'm not sure. The big cities of course: NYC,
Newark, that sorta thing."
"Got it. Cross country?"
"Yeah, hopefully, our album'll make it big. Really BIG."
"I have no doubt that it will. You guys are really good. I'm glad
you're releasing "The Hardest Thing" first. It's really good."
"Oh yeah, that reminds me, wait till you see it. Guess who's gonna
be half naked and lifting weights in that?"
"Your kidding. Oh my god, I have got to see it."
"Hahaha, I knew you'd like. But this also reminds me...wait, I'll
let Nick tell you himself."
"Hi. This is Nick."
"Yeah, I kinda figured. So, sleep well?"
"Yeah. Okay, I've got something I have to tell you."
"Okis, go on."
"Well, let me start out with you were great yesterday. Beyond
great, spectacular."
"Gee, thanks. You weren't too shabby yourself."
"Thanks, but ummm...well...I just wanna say this was a one-time
thing. No second chances unless maybe I'm in town again. I hope you're
not too hurt. You understand right?"
"So this has been a setup? All this feigned? Do you know what I'm
feeling? I was so DAMN happy this morning because I had just discovered
that I have feelings for you. More than feelings, it's a need, a want to
BE with you. Now you tell me I'm like a cheap two-cent whore. The worst
part is that I JUST. DIDN'T. KNOW. IT. GO TO HELL NICK LACHEY!"
"You...love me? That can't be. We met YESTERDAY for Christ's
sakes! No, you'll get over it. I'm sure."
I didn't retort anything. Instead, I added the first name on my
block list, then signed off. I shut down the computer quickly, grabbed my
CD, and practically flew upstairs. The waterworks broke out again.
Harder, faster, stronger. It came in great floods and I gasped for air,
from sobbing so hard, many times. "I HATE NICK LACHEY!" I thought.
"I HATE NICK LACHEY!" I screamed. The house shuddered on it
foundation as I punched the wall repeatedly. Sobbing, screaming, punching.
My sister started bombarding me with questions, "Rodin? Are you
okay? Who's Nick?"
"GO AWAY! I don't want to TALK ABOUT IT!" I hollered.
"Okay...just don't destroy the wall."
"Suicide is looking pretty good right about now," I thought to
myself, "maybe these scissors will do the job." I picked them up and
pointed it straight at my navel. I pulled back the scissors, ready to turn
the sky blue carpet a beautiful shade of red. As the point reached me and
touched my shirt, I stopped. It was an impossible task. I would have to
live intolerable, excruciating heartache. I pounded my chest, frustrated
that I couldn't kill myself and end this affliction that had suddenly
seized me in its icy-cold, heart-breaking jaws. There was no reason left
to live, so why bother. I crumpled to my knees and assumed a praying
position. However, praying was not on my mind. Instead, methods of
quicker and easier killings infested my mind. Life sucked. Then, I
remembered. In my sister's room, her window opened to the lower roof. If
I fell from there, it was definite that death would swallow me whole.
Eager to complete the new mission, I ran out of my room and into my
sister's. Luck was finally with me; she wasn't in the room. The 3
different layers of the window refused to budge, almost as if they were
telling me not to jump. Eventually, I was able to get the window open and
I climbed out. The view was actually an impressive one considering it was
only of the backyard forest and the road in front. Standing up tall and
proud, I walked to the edge with the deck underneath. If the fall was not
enough, the wood would definitely pierce me and put this miserable puppy to
sleep. All the while this was going on, the online conversation replayed
over and over in my head. It was as if it was a crappy song, looped,
doomed to play until I stopped it. My toes touched air. I was at the
edge. Giving up was not an option and reverse was not in the present
vocabulary, which consisted of "Nick Lachey Die, Nick Lachey die, etc."
The wind was picking up and I felt it touch my face, colder than an
icy rain. My eyes closed and I took a step forward.
<<<<>>>>>
I've been told by some that people don't know who 98 Degrees is. I've got
two things to say to those people: 1) What the heck is wrong with you?
2) Here's a link to check them out if you want: http://www.98degrees.com .
Click on Bio, then Nick to see what he looks like (the pic does him no
justice) and get basic info about him. Now, next order of business, I
sorta forgot this in the last story and I'll put it in now (for the rest of
you who didn't see my address at the top), send criticism or whatever to
asnyang@aol.com .