Intangible. Untouchable. All things to some People. And a laughable concept to everyone else…

The Mourning After The Night Before

As I drifted off to sleep in the early hours, with the sound of the neighbours doing a conga and singing “let’s all laugh at Sevco” echoing round Clumpany Towers, I worried whether I might wake up to find that the world had come to an end.

“The Journey” ground to a shuddering halt yesterday, and the unthinkable occurred.

Anyone who watched Sportscene last night would have seen the highlights of Sevco being utterly gubbed, and Richard Wilson wearing the demeanour of someone who was unlikely to get an offer to double his wages from the Sevco PR operation any time soon.

Meanwhile, Graham Spiers observed (somewhat amusingly) on Twitter

“Dear me, God does not like Rangers, does he?”

and somewhat less amusingly:

“I still say the sooner Rangers are back in Scotland’s top-flight the better. Cue the abuse. But well done @MotherwellFC – 30 yrs + counting.”

Clumpany favourite Chris Jack seemed to have lost all access to the internet and failed to offer an observation on Sevco’s predicament. So things must have been really bad!

But guess what?

This morning, the lights still came on, the taps still ran, and the neighbours were still doing that bloody conga…

Today, Hibs have announced that they have signed Fraser Fyvie for another two seasons, and have signed ex-Hamilton and Hearts striker James Keatings, signalling their intent to make a very good fist of next season’s Championship.

Signing a new player is like signing a new player…

And Manchester City defender Dedryck Boyata flew (NOT ‘jetted’) in to Glasgow ahead of an apparent £1.5m move to Celtic, who seem utterly untroubled by the plight of their alleged nemesis down Sevconia way.

So football and the universe at large continued to function.

But what of Championship stalwarts, Sevco?

Even the MSM struggled to find any positives in Sevco’s capitulation to Motherwell – trashing the performance, criticising McCall’s selection and substitutions, and taking a right old pop at Bilel Mohsni for his violent piece of performance art at the end of the match.

Even Sevco themselves felt moved to condemn Mohsni, with one of the most laughable statements they have issued since….well, since the last one…

“Bilel Mohsni’s behaviour was completely unacceptable and had his contract not now expired, the Club would have started disciplinary proceedings”

“The Club will also assist with any investigation into the behaviour of Motherwell supporters and we would like to thank the Rangers fans who were excellent in showing admirable restraint despite severe provocation”.

Ah! So they would love to do something about Mohsni, but can’t.

But look at what those Motherwell fans did! They laughed at us and called us names and stuff!

“Warmest congratulations on maintaining your Premiership status”

The Record has been on hand to reinforce the message about the Motherwell support, suggesting that they

“taunted their rivals, a move that could well have sparked a major riot had the Rangers fans reacted”

Hmmm!

“Could well have…”

“…had the Rangers fans reacted”

Ifs, buts and maybes designed to create a certain impression. But not much actual substance.

Clearly the ‘Well fans shouldn’t have been goading the Sevconians on the pitch, and the SPFL may now punish the club. But thank Heaven that the ‘Well fans didn’t launch into a chorus of “The Billy Boys” or “The Famine Song” otherwise Sevco might have been really upset….

[*Pause for tumbleweed*]Today hasn’t all been doom and gloom for the Ibrox entity however. This is the mighty Sevco FC after all, and there must always be a positive story!

There was certainly some sympathy for McCall. Keith Jackson suggested that McCall never really had a chance to secure promotion given the team he inherited, and Matt Lindsay’s support on Twitter was almost gushing!

“Stuart McCall? Should he stay? Or should he go? Personally, I think Rangers would be mad not to appoint him”.

“Answering his club’s call in their hour of need”

“McCall overachieved with the squad he inherited. He deserves the chance to continue”.

Anyone taking the trouble to look at McCall’s win/draw/loss statistics at Sevco might struggle to believe that he was a more successful manager than Magician McCoist, but Matt’s support was nevertheless touching!

No doubt further positivity will ensure across all media outlets over the coming days. Especially as there are Season Tickets to be sold.

Level5 are having to work extremely hard to find ‘good news’ stories

Inevitably, we have been reminded that Scottish football is the loser by not having Sevco in the top flight.

The S*n carried the extraordinary claim that

“Scotland will miss out on a £40m boost after Rangers failed to return to football’s top table yesterday”

Even the most cursory reading of the piece will tell you that Griffiths was asked about the play-off result, gave a balanced answer about playing whoever is put in front of Celtic next season, and commented that Motherwell were the better side. He also praised Aberdeen for the test that they had given Celtic this season.

But no, the headline has Griffiths wailing like a particularly distressed banshee about the absence of everyone’s favourite comedy outfit from the Scottish Premiership.

Kind of…

“Aye, I love Sevco”

We’ve seen it all before, and the MSM is fooling no one. Still, if they enjoy being laughed at, they should carry on with it…

Finally, it would be churlish of The Clumpany not to cover today’s really big Sevco announcement. The long-awaited Big Plan and funding package which is going to bankroll the ‘club’ to the top-flight, infinity and beyond.

The news was just what Sevconians needed to hear after yesterday’s disappointment.

I have to say that Dave King came across really well. Those are eye-watering sums of money that he is going to put in, and the World Cup-winning manager is surely going to do amazing things with the squad of Galácticos.

“War chest, war chest, war chest!”

I had my doubts, but the new Sevco regime is really starting to impress. And it was a real coup to have a beaming Mike Ashley sat next to Dave King in the press conference.

Well played Dave.

And what about that amazing…

[*Ends blog abruptly as Clumpany medical staff rush in with a straitjacket and medication*]