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are
hauntingly similar?

Both require identical preparations and it’s all about wear and where.

Wear?

Dressing – or selecting a costume- for Trick or Treating on Halloween and for that all-important first date requires an inordinate amount of time. You want to look good and make a statement. You forage through closets and drawers to select the right thing to wear. Women often aim for hauntingly beautiful or the girl-next-door costume. Good advice for guys is to appear like more like a superhero, less like a monster.

Where?

Deciding where to go Trick or Treating or for a first date requires that you carefully plan and plot. Both parties agree to meeting in a safe, well lighted neighborhood. You naturally avoid ‘dark and spooky,’ at all costs. You agree upon the perfect witching hour. Your spirits are up, and it’s time! The scariest thing that can happen? You don’t look like your picture. One of you is spooky, kooky or creepy. Your costume is all-wrong. At the end of the night, you want to think, “Sweet!” You don’t want to walk away thinking, “What a witch,” or “What a monster,” and return home empty handed.

San Francisco Dating@50 Examiner, Page Larkin, welcomes your feedback, questions and queries at Page.Larkin@gmail.com. Don’t miss a single Page Larkin column- click the Subscribe button at the top of the page.

Giants Baseball Games – There are more single men at one Giants game than all of Union Street on any four Friday nights combined. You do the math. Baseball is bigger, better and more entertaining than, even, Brad Pitt. At a Giants game you get a whole team (25 men on a team – 9 on the field). These athletes are all at the top of their game, literally. In addition, you get shopping for T-shirts, accessories, hats, granted, Orange / Black is the complete color palette. There is a Jumbo-tron for even more sensory overload- exciting music, food and drink everywhere and a totally convivial atmosphere. What’s not to like?

2. REI – Guys are into verbs.

They run, jump, jog, hike, climb, camp, spelunk, swing, hit, paddle, row, lift, toss, throw, thump, thwack, bounce and batter…You get the idea. And what better store to buy all those handy objects to do verbs with but, REI.

The strategy, ladies, is to ask questions. Generally, guys who are at a sporting goods store generally know from table tennis and fly rods and avalanche transceivers. Care about a carabiner? You’ll learn ‘quickdraw’ has nothing to do with guns and that information on the Seven Simple Machines you learned in sixth grade may come in handy ( pulley, lever, wedge, etc.) If you want to know the difference between tents and tense –ask.

3. Wine Tasting Events – See The Pacific Sun, the Pink Section and Examiner.com for great updates on the 4-1-1- for Wine Events. We are so lucky to live in Northern California and to have Napa and Sonoma mere miles away. Wine can be a pleasure, a hobby, a passion and a necessity. Well known fact: Single men flock to wine tasting events.

Fort Mason has Pinot Noir Days and the Tapas Society Wine Event coming up… Remember in college you asked every guy you met “What’s your major?” Now the query of the age is: “What’s your favorite wine?”

4. Dog Walking – Crissy Field, Fort Funston, Stern Grove: I know a woman who borrowed her neighbor’s Black Lab to use as a prop when she walked through North Beach, and that’s how she met her beau. Yes, a new meaning to ‘Attention getting devices’. Dogs – not just man’s best friend, anymore.

5. Andronico’s/Mollie Stones – Mondays and Friday night – 6pm – 9pm.Mollie Stones and Andronico’s are teeming with single men. Women tend to shop on Saturdays and Wednesdays – and men tend to shop on Friday/Monday (Yes, Binkie, this applies to Trader Joe’s, Rainbow and Whole Foods).

6. California Academy of Sciences – Thursday Nights at the Academy –No other place on place on Earth has a planetarium, an amazing natural history museum, an incredible aquarium and a 4-story rain forest under one roof. The Academy is breathtaking, dazzling and awe-inspiring.

Look For Top 10 Places to Meet Men Part Two

Mae West said, “It is better to be looked over than overlooked.”

I heartily nominate her for Patron Saint of Keen Observations and Irreverence. Odds are, she would tell you to get off the couch and out of the house in order to meet your playmate, soul mate or new best friend.

First, there was the well-timed flurry of Valentine’s Day book promotions, appearances on myriad television talk shows, guest column slots, and a drag- out marketing campaign, which catapulted the author into the SEO stratosphere.

Called “wise and daring” and “brutally honest,” Marry Him is a surefire bestseller because of the controversy it leaves in its wake. It all started in February 2008, when Gottlieb wrote ‘the article’ for The Atlantic.

The scathing piece, the basis for the book, was considered by many as caustic, heartless and derisive. Nothing like an effective literary attention getting device to garner great ratings.

Best Marketing Ploy for Book Sales: Controversy. Granted, women have strong and heartfelt beliefs about:

1) Marriage

2) Marrying beneath oneself (what does that even mean?) and

3) Perhaps – choosing to remain single.

The topics are very personal and scalding hot. Does Marry Him instruct us to discard our standards, ideals, and our precious Top 10 Qualities List?

Do we merely ‘settle’ for the next guy, with a pulse, who darkens our doorstep? I think not. But, men and women need to be open – way open – 24 -hours a day open.

I Could Have Been a Contender

Bo Derek was a “10” in the 1970’s… Perhaps you were, too… in the 70’s.

You do the math– numbers change…bodies change and attitudes do, too. Now we are more mature, evolved, and we evaluate people less superficially- don’t we? No, Binkie, you cannot know in the first 3-minutes of a coffee date if the guy is “a keeper,” slow down and smell the coffee.

Gottlieb makes a sobering point in the magazine article about women and all the various “dating things” we do wrong.

Many of us were raised on stories about Cinderella, Prince Charming, Wolf Ranges, white picket fences and Volvos. Some of us bought into the fairy tale and elevated ourselves high atop lofty (lonely) princess pedestals.

Sky high, self esteem puts one just beyond the reach of really great guys. Whoops! Time to climb down, sister, Get real, and be open.

Marry Him is smart summer reading. You want to get attention on the beach or by the pool? Walk around with this book – see what happens.

You’ll see: the book is rife with very cogent points; chances are you’ll open your eyes, blink, and shake your head in disbelief. And, in total agreement.

All I know: Life is all about compromise, and at this stage of the game (50-something) we know that compromise is the panacea of life.

The best relationships are all about give and take. Right?

Remember: Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes. And he knows it.

Who is on first? What’s on second, and I Don’t Know is on third.

Abbott and Costello’s rapid-fire baseball comedy bit: Who’s on First? is a perfect metaphor for the dating game. In romance and in baseball there are wins, losses, slumps, night games and home runs.

Who

After you’ve connected with someone online, expect: The Formula. This is where you each exchange three e-mails, followed by a phone call. A few phone calls, generally 2.5, (one message left on answering machine) may be followed by a text message or one more email. Then it happens: the line drive, maybe a double play: the coffee shop quickie where you size up one another.

Some first daters bring a mental yardstick and quickly assess the other person. Hank is a classic measurer-upper. An engineer by profession, Hank was used to the facts, just the facts ma’am. From the moment he shook hands with a woman he had romanced on the phone and via e-mail, he was calculating. It took quite a few dates and many calculations before Hank realized the ‘Velveteen Rabbit’ was a better fit for him than a Playboy bunny. Quality start.

What

Debbie D. has a different modus operandi. At least twice a week, the staff at Pacific Catch restaurant in the Sunset District watches her meet different men for coffee. The Match.com dating diva has it down to a science. Debbie meets a man online, exchanges emails and eventually, 2.5 phone calls later, agrees to a public meeting. She casually suggests the place near her home: Pacific Catch – note: irony. The two agree upon a time. She arrives 10 minutes early, wearing her uniform: a revealing black lululemon yoga outfit. She carries props: a copy of the New Yorker, her purse and cell phone.

She says she knows within three minutes if the man is a ‘keeper.’ She said if he looks like his picture, measures up to the height he claims, carries on a conversation, she’s interested. The coffee date could be 10 minutes or an hour, depending. Once a serious speedy-serial-dater, Debbie has slowed down and admits to be looking for a man who is “kind, open, available and geographically desirable.’ It works for her. Home run.

Why

Some singles are looking for a goal and a scoring position. Others, shy at first, balk or throw a few fastballs. There is a wide spectrum of dating styles.

You get to decide what works for you. Perhaps the fast and furious Jdate is your style; Plenty of Fish ( the popular free dating site) may be your price range. The giant, user-friendly Match.com might be the right fit.

Time to get in the dating game? Unless you are in the game, you’ll always be wondering: Who’s on first, and what’s on second? Get in the game. Batter up!

Breaking News: the most sensitive men in America don’t live in San Francisco,

Napa, Marin, or Berkeley.

According to Barry Diller’s media mega-giant, IAC, the phenomenally successful social empire with a thumb on the pulse of America, the most sensitive men in America do not live in San Francisco, they live in West Hollywood. Really?

No, truth be told- all the good ones – according to the most recent studies done by Chemistry.com (headed up by Dr. Helen Fisher- famed Canadian anthropologist and dating guru) live elsewhere.

Define Sensitive?

According to dictionary.com sensitive means: readily or excessively affected by external agencies or influences…having acute mental or emotional sensibility; aware of and responsive to the feelings of others.

2012 Top 10 Cities for Sensitive Men

1. Pompano Beach, Florida

2. Roanoke, Virginia

3. West Hollywood, California

4. Nashville, Tennessee

5. Buffalo, New York

6. Sarasota, Florida

7. Greenville, South Carolina

8. Wilmington, North Carolina

9. Indianapolis, Indiana

10. Staten Island, New York

Sorry, Brooklyn- the male population of Staten Island and Buffalo (really?) are considered far more sensitive than all the very hip and trendy male denizens in Brooklyn. Imagine.

Where the Real Sensitive Boys Are

Men in San Francisco are sensitive. They meditate, sweat their prayers, chant at Taize, drink green tea, read Thich Nhat Hanh, thousands attended EST- decades ago, they wear pastels, read poetry, write poetry, cry at movies, hug a lot, belong to men’s groups, open doors for ladies while cheering for the SF Giants and are very a-cute.

Top Ten Dating Rules for Girls Over 50

The coterie subscribes to the “Life is short, kick up your heels” philosophy. On the precipice of hitting 50 – with gusto – they created their very own ‘Un-bucket list’

Through the decades, the friends have been through the highest highs and the lowest lows. Cherie B, their scribe, writes: “At times, life was like heaven (weddings, babies, careers, white picket fences, celebrations) and like hell (teenagers, parents dying, and making ex-husbands).”

The 10 women who met as coeds at UCLA have gracefully blossomed into women. At their big 5-0 celebration, they decided to kick up their heels at their favorite restaurant, Aziza and finish the night at Zero-Zero.

Statistics: Some Suddenly Single – Their Creed

As fate would have it, six of the women are single and blithely swimming in, or hanging around, the dating pool. After their celebration with champagne and exquisite pink cupcakes, punctuated with storytelling and paroxysms of laughter, the women compiled their own

Top Ten “Dating Rules at 50” Rules List

‘Life is Short and I Won’t Settle List”

1. I won’t sit by the phone or the computer waiting for a man to reach out. I will be proactive and flirt – early and often.

2. I won’t respond to a man who sends me a photo of him hiding and enshrouded in a hat and sunglasses.

3. I won’t be impressed with anyone who sends a canned greeting (Hello Angel, does God know you left heaven?)

4. I won’t meet anyone for a date in a parking lot, a bowling alley, or the Indy 500.

5. I won’t kiss and tell, but I might kiss again. And, again.

6. I won’t hesitate to delete grumps, grouches, less than honest forthright people from my life.

7. I won’t waste time with people who see the glass as chipped, broken or empty.

8. I won’t miss the opportunity for a hug or a kiss. Holding hands is a priority.

9. I promise I won’t wear Crocs, Uggs, Sweats, fanny-packs, Lanz nighties, shoulder pads, granny glasses or acid wash jeans. And, I won’t date a guy with a proclivity for all of the above.

10. I won’t let anyone rain on my parade. Life is a cabaret. I will sing and dance like my hair is on fire.

The robust “49-ers” default to laughing, sharing, and supporting one another. Thirty years ago they were new at the dating game- and here they go again – back in the dating saddle. Ride on, girls. Happy Birthday.

“A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman’s birthday but never remembers her age.” Robert Frost

What really happens in Book Clubs?

Do you really think we talk about irony and plot?

Legions of women across America gather monthly, supposedly to discuss the finer points of irony, character development, and plot vs. protagonist. Fortified by gallons of Green tea and petite cookies, they tackle the Classics, bestsellers and the selections from the New York Times Review of Books. From the outside, it appears to be an intellectual diversion.

However, here is a dirty little secret: many book clubs are really a covert way to analyze, dissect, and discuss men. Very few clubs will admit to this nefarious charge. Many groups, thinly veiled as passionate about reading, are really all about an underlying desire to talk about men, husbands, boyfriends, lovers, dating, sex, and books on the same subject.

Revelations – Not Just a Book in the Bible

A well-known book group in the Marina district, formed 15 years ago, were devotees of Balzac, Joyce, Goethe, Keats, Flaubert, Yeats and Ibsen. In 2005 they stumbled upon, and raced through the Da Vinci Code – who didn’t? That was the beginning of the end. Once they tasted the sweet ambrosia of run-away bestsellers, all lofty goals to read great literature and share erudite observations were fini compleat.

En masse, they began to crave and seek out books of a lesser plot. Instant hedonists, they began to dabble in uncharted waters: and did a canon ball into the wide, wacky world of “Chick Lit.” In no time, the three very prolific and real queens of Chick Lit, Marian Keyes, Sophie Kinsella and Helen Fielding of Bridget Jones fame were elevated to the group’s Literary Royalty and Beach reading books became de rigueur. The once stuffy book group became literary libertines.

Tryst – Like We Did Last Summer

After a steady, frothy diet of light and airy books, the happy hedonists evolved. They began to research and write about steamy, sexy, destinations and the best places to conduct romantic interludes. They quickly nailed San Francisco, Maui, London, Paris, and New York City. San Francisco was nominated their Most Romantic City. The so-called book group’s next foray is a joint effort of co-authoring a risqué ‘bodice ripper’ They are not your mother’s book club or the Jane Austen book club. However, they are currently looking for a publisher. Stay tuned.

Here’s to the ladies who lunch

and bravo to the broads who tap out steamy fantasy for your secret reading enjoyment.

“Reading is a means of thinking with another person’s mind; it forces you to stretch your own.” Charles Scribner

They’re Coming!

Over the bridges and through the tunnels…

They come, seduced by the Siren’s song of concerts, bright lights, the ice rink in Union Square, comedy clubs, theater, and a galaxy of two and three star restaurants. They leave the predictability and the vast free parking lots of the suburbs and head for the bright lights and sophistication of the City.

Uniformly Unique

She is brushed, buffed and shiny. Women of an age wear the classic Eileen Fisher uniform. Big price tag, clean lines, sensual fabrics; add the requisite, chunky, expensive necklace. It’s the au courant uniform of choice. A designer handbag, the size of a small suitcase, is the result of a ubiquitous knock-off purse party or the real deal. He wears the guy’s uniform: a Tommy Bahamas shirt, Tony Soprano – like slacks and Italian tasseled-loafers. Swathed in layers of wool coats, scarves, and gloves, they brace themselves.

There goes the neighborhood

The $6 Golden Gate Bridge / $5 Bay Bridge entrance fee to the City is only the beginning (ka-ching! sound of cash register ringing). Parking meters ($.25 buys two minutes) inhale quarters. Parking lots ($16 for three hours) and free valet parking ($20 service charge) are deemed highway robbery. So they pull their lips over their teeth with that faux grin and start counting. Is it worth it?

Who knew the hot, haute, hot new restaurant was in the unpredictable Tenderloin? And, the theater, too? They had to wade through a battalion of beggars. They were perplexed and chagrined to see doorways filled with men, in sleeping bags, asleep on piles of cardboard.

At Cafe de la Depressing, the lentil soup was $9. When did entrees skyrocket to $30? A trendy Thai (Got cha now?) restaurant charges $8 for a cup of imported red rice. Pricey rice? In Rice a Roni land? One drink at the hotel lobby bar was $16. Theater tickets? Priceless, because they refuse to admit what they paid for them. It was a play about a goat.

Home again, home again

The Bridge and Tunnelers are torn. Can they admit a trip to San Francisco was tedious, depressing and exorbitant? They found the restaurants too rich for their blood. The streets were dirty and a small army of homeless was sleeping in doorways. Parking was a nightmare and getting out of the jam-packed garage felt like Sisyphus – going nowhere fast.

As they pulled into their own garages, the Over the Bridge through the Tunnelers are relieved and relaxed to be home and they wonder: what ever to happened to San Francisco?