I was seeing my first girlfriend when I was in school, aged 15. We kept it secret from everybody, including the few friends I had because we were scared how they’d react.It was 1996/7 and although we had a few open LGBT celebrities it was not something that a lot of people spoke about, especially at school or at home because of our religion. HIV was still seen as the ‘gay disease’ and lesbians were viewed as ‘butch women trying to be men’, and we were teenagers left confused by the way we felt about each other.

I lived in a religious household and not only did I feel guilty about what we were doing but also hid it from everyone until I had moved out of home at 16.

I remember playing the ways I was going to tell them so many times, but one Sunday, when I went round for a family meal the opportunity came so I just took it.

When I told them that I thought I was with a girl and that we were in love, that I was gay, my mother told me that I was ‘disgusting’ and that I ‘shouldn’t say things like that’ and that I better not tell anyone because it’ll make our family look bad. She started shouting at me and I cried knowing that I should’ve just kept my mouth shut. My step father got really angry and told me that I was just saying that to provoke a reaction and to take it back. Even my sister said the same, that I was trying to be ‘cool’ and tried to get me to tell her the girl’s name. I didn’t. And even to this day only a handful of people knew. I was devastated.

We didn’t talk about it ever again because I knew that if I was even to attempt to that I was going to be shouted at or worse.

The guilt was so bad that I ended up splitting up with the first person I’d ever loved. We both had no experience of what we were going through and left us both a mess.

Even now I am faced with ridicule for being openly pansexual. The amount of times I’ve heard ‘you have sex with pans’ or ‘you’re just bisexual then, greedy’ from friends, family members and even strangers online.

But…

I am so proud of who I am today.

Gender and sexuality are unique and personal, don’t make it your place to judge because we’re all just human. 🖤

Time has come where I’d like to start making a proactive search for a primary. The last 6 months have been a much needed explorative and introspective time for me and now I feel comfortable and happy in whom I have grown to be. I am happy playing with those who bring me smiles and positivity, but I now have a craving for something more, something deeper.
So off I go on a journey, hopefully my new path will lead me to someone to guide and support me in becoming the best version of myself so I can bring support and pleasure to our primary relationship and their being or becoming the best version of themselves

Whether it takes months or even years, for once I don’t feel nervous or or desperate, I only feel excitement and happiness.

As a woman, I have spent 36 years in this rock we call home and my freedoms and opportunities come from generations of men and women who have pushed for equality and recognition of women throughout our history.

I am not free of struggles or barriers even in 2017, but I am incredibly grateful for those who have fought so I am able to freely express myself, to be who I choose to be and live the life I choose to live.

I feel the restrictions and stigma put on my by society to conform to a stereotype, and often am abused or berated by people for the lifestyle choices I make, whether sexually or otherwise. But I stand by my rights as a human being to live how I choose to live.

Being a woman isn’t just about being a gender, it’s about being a human being and having the same rights and choices as all other human beings should have.
So thank you to all of you who have fought or are still fighting.

Thank you to the beautiful human beings I am surrounded by and have been before me.

We are beautiful, we are strong, we are capable and we are powerful. I am proud to be a woman and I am proud to be me.

1. Don’t just simply message ‘Hi’
I know that not all of us are confident alpha types but I’m sure you can manage to type something a bit more stimulating than one word. As a woman, I do get messages quite often, it’s the ratio, and so if you’re not going to fall through the cracks you need to make a bit more effort.

2. Don’t expect to be the only one I’m messaging

I am not monogamous.

I am not monogamous

I am not monogamous

3. Don’t expect me to reply the second you do.

I work incredibly hard, my life is my career and that won’t be changing any time soon so please know that if you’re messaging me and I’m able to reply that’s because I’ve chosen to reply when I have the time to engage with you.

I am not someone you should worry about, I have days when I like to my soeak to anyone at all. So if you’re constantly messaging you will become irritating to me. No offence but I am not your girlfriend, and I have no intention of being either. I have no intention of being anyone’s girlfriend.

4. It isn’t always about sex

Just because I’m a member of a sex site or a site like Fetlife, doesn’t mean all I want to do with you is talk about sex or get each other off everytime we chat. I am a human being with more substance to me than a pussy and a pair of tits so maybe find something else to talk about if I don’t seem ‘in the mood’. That’s not to say I don’t enjoy talking dirty 90% of the time, but I do have vanilla moments especially when at work or travelling.

Just because I’m kinky doesn’t mean I want to have sex with anyone with a pulse. It seems that as soon as you mention you’re into the BDSM/Fetish/Kinky lifestyle, you’re open to the assumption that you’re ‘up for anything’ with pretty much everyone. It gets even worse when you mention you’re submissive!

Let’s get a few things straight.

1. Just because I’m kinky…doesn’t mean I want to have sex with you

I’m fussy. Like REALLY fussy, about who I wish to engage in sexual encounters with. They have to be on the same level as me sexually, I have to find them attractive and we have to strike a rapport. Just because I’m kinky, doesn’t mean I will want to fuck anyone else that has similar kinks or wants to try the things I’m into. I’m still a human being with likes and dislikes. You don’t lose that when you explore and live in this lifestyle.

2. Just because I’m kinky…doesn’t mean I want to have sex

I love sex, but I love really good sex with great people. Being kinky doesn’t mean that I automatically want to have sex in a play session. Sometimes I like the sensations it gives or I’m giving someone, whether it be serving them in some way non sexually or receiving pain because I need the release. Just because I’m kinky doesn’t mean I’m instantly going to want to have sex in every instance of intimacy.

3. Just because I’m kinky and submissive…doesn’t mean I want to submit to just anyone

I’m a submissive, anyone who knows me will say that behind the facade is an innately submissive girl. That’s just who I am, and proudly so. This does not mean that I submit to just anyone. Gone are the days where submissives were respected in their role, where Dominants would value our choice and position. Nowadays any Tom, Dick or Harriet will call themselves Dom(me) and I’m expected to worship at their feet. It doesn’t work like that kids. Respect is always a given, but I’m not going to submit to someone unless we have an established trust and rapport. Just because I’m kinky and submissive doesn’t mean I’m yours.

4. Just because I’m kinky…doesn’t mean you can demand nudes

I’m an exhibitionist, I love showing off my body and I post a lot of pictures online or send videos to those I choose. This doesn’t mean that I’m fair game for people to demand pictures or videos from me for their own pleasure. It’s my body and my rules, unless you’re my Dominant, so demands of any kind are off the table. What I’ve also found is that men in particular are incredibly good at begging for them, to almost try to guilt me into sending images, either because they’ve chosen to send me a picture of their raging hard on, or because they think that because I post online that I’m going to give them what they want too. Just because I’m kinky doesn’t mean I’m going to flash my intimate parts or give you your own personal porn collections. I save that for people who I choose to do that with, people who respect me and my body.

5. Just because I’m kinky…doesn’t mean I find all cock pics attractive

Cock shots are a funny thing to me. Cocks in general are fascinating but not something that turns me on as a single body part. For me, it’s all about the whole, the body and mind has to turn me on. Sending me a random pic of your hard on without any warning it either probably going to get deleted, laughed at or blocked if it’s persistent. Just because I’m kinky, doesn’t mean your cock is the be all and end all. There is more to you than your cock, in the same way that there is more to me than my tits or pussy. So try taking some great seductive shots of your face and body, or teasing eyes and your cock if you’re still determined. Your cock may be important to you, but it’s not too of my list, you are.

So just because I’m kinky, it doesn’t mean that I’m fair game for all things sexual. It also doesn’t mean that I’m not sexual either, it’s just that you need to understand that I’m still a woman, a human being, someone who likes to be seduced and made to laugh and talked to like I’m respected. I’m a submissive, not a piece of meat or a doormat.