Welcome

Welcome to the POZ/AIDSmeds Community Forums, a round-the-clock discussion area for people with HIV/AIDS, their friends/family/caregivers, and
others concerned about HIV/AIDS. Click on the links below to browse our various forums; scroll down for a glance at the most recent posts; or join in the
conversation yourself by registering on the left side of this page.

Privacy Warning: Please realize that these forums are open to all, and are fully searchable via Google and other search engines. If you are HIV positive
and disclose this in our forums, then it is almost the same thing as telling the whole world (or at least the World Wide Web). If this concerns you, then do not use a
username or avatar that are self-identifying in any way. We do not allow the deletion of anything you post in these forums, so think before you post.

The information shared in these forums, by moderators and members, is designed to complement, not replace, the relationship between an individual and his/her own
physician.

All members of these forums are, by default, not considered to be licensed medical providers. If otherwise, users must clearly define themselves as such.

Forums members must behave at all times with respect and honesty. Posting guidelines, including time-out and banning policies, have been established by the moderators
of these forums. Click here for “Am I Infected?” posting guidelines. Click here for posting guidelines pertaining to all other POZ/AIDSmeds community forums.

We ask all forums members to provide references for health/medical/scientific information they provide, when it is not a personal experience being discussed. Please
provide hyperlinks with full URLs or full citations of published works not available via the Internet. Additionally, all forums members must post information which are
true and correct to their knowledge.

Simon,I know that this isn't the response you want to read, but why expend so much effort and emotion on being somewhere where you aren't wanted? It's not like it's a "public accommodation. Getting more HIVers onto a site that is apparently overtly ableist and ageist will do little. Taking the situation to the UK Queer media--one heavy-hitting blogger is all it takes--and drawing attention to the night clubs supporting and profiting from the ableism and ageism would raise the stakes faster with little further action on your part.

you obviously are a poz lad that wants to accept that hiv is a shamefull thing

i aint ashamed of my status and i wll protest to the highest hills against total abuse from lads who are negative

why the fuck should i sit in a corner and cry about my status

Simon,Obviously, I should have suggested that you bugger off, then? You don't know the first thing about my perception of HIV as a source of shame. I have appeared in local and internet publications with a big biohazard tattoo clearly visible on my shoulder.

If you're so damned out and proud about being an HIVer, then take the site owners and their supporters to the mat through the media instead of attempting to organize ineffective guerilla warfare on a site. They are hypocrites to let HIV harassment stand while running another site for "fit and party," as if most of the party boys aren't going to wind up with HIV and more from drugs and booze.

I'm pretty offended that you have summed up David like that just because he (and I) agree that there are better things to spend your energy on than trying to tell the negs that they are abusive and discriminatory. Just let it go, take a chill pill, this will never change. What do you expect from a gay hook up website? Honestly. Dude, check out pozmatch or something.. but then you will have people discriminate against you because you are white, or coloured, or too fat or too thin or what ever.

Simon,I know that this isn't the response you want to read, but why expend so much effort and emotion on being somewhere where you aren't wanted? It's not like it's a "public accommodation. Getting more HIVers onto a site that is apparently overtly ableist and ageist will do little. Taking the situation to the UK Queer media--one heavy-hitting blogger is all it takes--and drawing attention to the night clubs supporting and profiting from the ableism and ageism would raise the stakes faster with little further action on your part.

Namaste,David

I'm a bit confused here. Going after nightclubs for what happens on a website? Huh? Wut? Not sure I am following you. Though I confess I have not looked at the LADS site. I see this is a UK site or something. I do agree with Simon that it seems rather shitty that the operators of the site have not done so much as respond to his complaint, though. Simon, if you really wanted to put the squeeze on them, why not sort of do what David is suggesting and contact queer media about "online stigmatization" and relay your story and go from there? Call out the site by name thru the story if you feel you have been treated unjustly. I do support you, however, I have no ties at all to that site, nor do I know precisely what all has been said - by these other posters, by you, by anyone. I only have your brief gist to go on.

Meanwhile, there's a little something to be said for David's take on going where you aren't wanted. What is it that is so dang great about this particular site? Why not voice your protest with your membership dollars (assuming this is a pay site)? Hell...go to BNSkin or something. There are other sites out there that know how to treat their membership and where members know how to treat one another.

I'm pretty offended that you have summed up David like that just because he (and I) agree that there are better things to spend your energy on than trying to tell the negs that they are abusive and discriminatory. Just let it go, take a chill pill, this will never change. What do you expect from a gay hook up website? Honestly. Dude, check out pozmatch or something.. but then you will have people discriminate against you because you are white, or coloured, or too fat or too thin or what ever.

Peace.Matt

Yes. I have to be honest with you, Simon: That sort of snap response to David makes me wonder if perhaps that was a factor in your deletion. I wonder how you've measured your own responses on that site. There may be some reason to your bein dropped from the site beyond "they just don't like poz people".

I understand how you'd like to win this battle and change the rules of engagement of that website but the owners are despondent. Well, what's to be done if they don't give a shit? Your anger and indignation is justified, of course. You can bitch all you want but you will not win an agreement with the likes of those.

As well, although you are outraged, don't brush away good advice too quickly. It would serve you well to pause and consider if someone has been through the same thought processes and feelings as you and discovered what is effective and what is not worth the effort.

Many years HIV positive has taught me to choose my battles wisely . If this is a battle worth fighting for you then I wish you all the luck in the world , with the people you are dealing you are going to need it .

This is silly. Simon, I understand you feel angry and upset about how some of those morons speak about positive people, but seriously: you could find more signs of intelligent life in a petri dish. Gimme a break here. You do realize that there are people in this world being killed - KILLED, I say - for being positive...and you want us to focus our activist attentions on a web fuck board. Come on, man.

I can understand the fury at being abused by other Gay men, but it doesn't surprise me.

From what you say, I don't see the owners of the site are condoning the abuse and have removed comments.

I presume this site is a small commercial enterprise and unless they are going to moderate all comments before they're posted, you are always going to get stupid comments. As Tim mentions, Youtube is riddled with homophobic abuse.

I'd be interested to see if you get anywhere with the Press, which are loathe to criticise Gay companies that might provide advertising revenue.

Have you tried m4m4sex.com - I was openly positive on there and a large chunk of other guys seem to be as well. It was pretty great and nobody ever gave me any drama. Same thing with gaydar.co.uk - I hooked up with other poz guys, and negative guys who were cool with my status without any kind of problem. I also seem to remember that gaydar has a facility to report offensive IMs if it does happen.

To be honest, I have no idea what kind of people fitlads attracts but they sounds like scum not worth bothering over. Attitudes around HIV are gradually changing I think, but I have a feeling that the denizens of fitlads will be the last to change their "minds".

Those guys at fitlads remind me of my ex. I am poz hes neg . The main reason we broke up was because he was terrified of HIV , but his main fetish is unsafe sex . I fear he will soon be very well acquainted with the struggles most positive people have to deal with every day.

I state my status on my Gaydar profile and have not had a single unpleasant message over the couple of years it has been there. On the contrary, a fair few messages from neg guys who've said they think it's really good to see someone being open and upfront about their positive status.

Not quite sure how I feel about that, though, because I've invariably had the lingering doubt that what they really meant was that it was good to be able to avoid poz guys without actually having to ask 'the big question'. Personally I'm still pretty ambivalent about the whole sero-sorting thing and its potential to create an 'us and them' scenario. But that's another discussion.

I am a 34 year old gay man from Warrington, I am Hiv Positive and have been a member of www.fitlads.net for a number of years.

When i found out i was hiv positive i decided that i would reveal my status on my profile, big desision ? yes however i have also decided that i now only want a relationship with another hiv positive man.

At first things where good and i got lots of support for revealing my hiv status.

Over the past few months there has been quite a few threads in the forums on Fitlads regarding Hiv

The comments that have been made by quite a few members of the site can only be described as abuse

for example

"why dont you just die you aids ridden cunt"

"he only wants to infect other people"

"He is looking to pray on innocent negative lads and infect them"

I have complained to the owners of the website at least 5 times about this abuse and all they do is delete my profile.

Again on the evening of 7th April 2008 i got into heated argument regarding hiv and was bararged with tones of abuse, so again i contacted the owners about this, Hey presto they have deleted my profile again.

I can confirm to you that i dont activly seek out barebacking which is what the comments are about just because i am hiv positive doesent mean that i am a regular barebacker to be honest i hardly ever participate in that and if i do it is only ever with other hiv positive men.

I truly belive that the owners of fitlads - Joe and David fully support hiv abuse in the forums as they have not deleted the profiles of the members writing the abusive comments.

Also i have asked them on three occasions to make a statement against hiv abuse - this again has never been done

In todays society i find it unbelieveable that a gay social networking website does not have a stance on what is a serious issue to 1 in 10 gay men - HIV and allows its members to post hurtfull and offencive messages.

I am not sure what you can do, but i though that i would make you aware of this.

However if you do decide to use this information please contact me first

One good thing about gaydar is that they remove people that are overtly anti-PLWHA or abusive to those that are very quickly.. not been on mancunt long enough to see what its like though.

J

Logged

"The Bible contains 6 admonishments to homosexuals and 362 admonishments to heterosexuals. That doesn`t mean that God doesn`t love heterosexuals. It`s just that they need more supervision." -- Lynn Lavne

HERE GOES--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------We are not stopping HIV positive people using Fitlads - nor do we have any intention of doing so. It's only *you* that we want to.You aren't ignored for being HIV positive - you're ignored for being out spoken. You have on many occasions threatened us with media intervention.You have also joined websites for HIV positive people, encouraging members to 'invade' Fitlads to cause trouble.... with this in mind, I'm sure you can see why your messages are ignored and you're not welcome.I've removed your profiles because of this . It comes as a relief that you've promised not to rejoin.

Many years HIV positive has taught me to choose my battles wisely . If this is a battle worth fighting for you then I wish you all the luck in the world , with the people you are dealing you are going to need it .

Well said, jg.

Simon, I can pretty much guarantee you that the guys on this site who say things like "I will b/b with neg guys only" will soon be patients at the clinic.

« Last Edit: April 08, 2008, 10:19:56 PM by AlanBama »

Logged

"Remember my sentimental friend that a heart is not judged by how much you love, but by how much you are loved by others." - The Wizard of Oz

FOR FUCKS SAKE HAVE I HELL I HAVE JOINED AIDS MEDS COZ AM POZ ANDWELCOME SUPPORT

Well, I have to say that I envy you.

If your bad experience with the fitlads.net web site is really the worst thing that has happened to you recently then it sounds like you must have it pretty good.

If you are the kind of person that just has to be "right" and must fight and win every battle no matter how insignificant the issue might be then by all means continue with your vendetta against fitlads.net, but before you do that take a moment to ask whether it is actually worth it - will you change the attitude of any of those air-heads - I think not - will it make you any happier, or will it just make you even more bitter - only you can answer that.

My advice woudl be to put it all behind you and move on - there are more important things in life (and if there *aren't* more important things in *your* life then you have a much bigger problem than some stupid web site)

I would be interested to know why do gay "hook up" sites tolerate such behavior from internet bullies?

Because they are mostly just interested in making a buck off men's desire to buttfuck. The same reason a lot of bathhouses and sex clubs can't be bothered to provide even a couple of condoms for their clientele. Gay men aren't inherently always compassionate (or even sane) and are just as capable as anyone else of not giving a damn.

"The Bible contains 6 admonishments to homosexuals and 362 admonishments to heterosexuals. That doesn`t mean that God doesn`t love heterosexuals. It`s just that they need more supervision." -- Lynn Lavne

If Fitlads is routinely abusive toward poz guys, then Nlewlad should have known that posting his status would make him as welcome as a black person at a KKK meeting. It's almost like he was asking for it.

The comments I have received on Manhunt and Outpersonals about my HIV have all been sympathetic and supportive. Maybe Americans are just nicer?

Common observations of what a scally is..according to a UK web site I found

...wears sportswear (tracksuits, trainers, baseball caps)...is in their teens or early twenties...is usually working class or lower middle class...loiters around in groups in town centres, not actually doing much...is perhaps involved in petty crime (e.g. shop lifting, vandalism)...if female, wears a lot of cheap gold jewellery...if male, may have a shaved head or crew cut.