Tom and Mary (not their real names) came to me because Mary found Tom’s sent emails to several online “solicitors.” He had not acted on them but he had admitted to checking out Internet prostitution sites over the last three years. Mary caught him doing porn many times and was angry about how often he seemed to do it and the lack of initiating sex with her. In our first session, he embarrassingly said that he probably looked at porn…

I am going to be using the blog from 2 weeks ago- 5 Possible Causes of Sex Addiction to briefly discuss treatment approaches for this problem depending on the corresponding possible cause. As with many other “diagnoses,” there can be multiple factors that could lead to someone being sexually addicted. Here are five possible causes that I have observed in my clinical work: 1) There was early sexual, emotional or physical trauma in the addicted person’s early life. Victims of…

As with many other “diagnoses,” there can be multiple factors that could lead to someone being sexually addicted. Here are five possible causes that I have observed in my clinical work: 1) These was early sexual, emotional or physical trauma in the addicted person’s early life. Victims of trauma adapt psychologically and neurobiologically to trauma in ways that help the person cope with the overwhelming feelings of trauma but can lead to maladaptive behaviors. In other words, in the service…

Trauma is an experience somebody has that is deeply distressing or disturbing. Sexual trauma is particularly distressing because of the sense of powerlessness and betrayal that the victim feels. Often, the perpetrator, whether it is childhood molest or adult rape is someone the victim knows well. Some victims where the trauma was once or a few times (of course one is one too many!), may not develop Post Traumatic Stress Disorder particularly if the victim has a good support system,…

This month I am writing about sexual trauma and how it affects sexuality as an adult. I will be covering types of sexual trauma, how it affects sexuality, effective treatment approaches and how partners of sexual traumas can be part of the healing. Sexual trauma occurs when sex is non-consensual and/or coercive. To adults need to both choose and consent to the sexual act. When adults are being sexual with children, it is always non-consensual since the child is not…

This is my last piece on porn for this month’s theme. I am a marriage and sex therapist, as you know. I am open-minded, relatively liberal when it comes to sexual matters and I live very much in the gray. But I work with people daily who are having relationship challenges. When porn is being viewed regularly, it becomes a negative force the great majority of the time. When it comes down to it, porn just does not seem worth…

Those of you that are reading my blogs regularly can see that in the month of April, I am writing about porn and its affect on relationships. It is a “juicy” topic that evokes a lot of reactions in people. Today, I will list the 5 ways to keep porn from damaging your relationship. First, I want to include much of what I wrote in last week’s blog as a prelude to my list. I am a sex therapist. I…

My attitudes have changed through time about porn. I would never say I am “anti-porn” but I would say I am against a porn-centered sexuality for anybody. So, even though I do not take an extreme position on this subject, I like where my heart and mind is going regarding this challenging area of life. This comes from years of experience with couples as well as my own relationship. I am a sex therapist. I do not believe that we…

Cheating involves putting intimate energy into another person. Being physically present with someone outside of the committed relationship is one way of putting intimate energy into another whether it is emotional or physical intimacy ( or both). Also, texting, emailing, phoning, chatting on the web and soliciting on the web with live people are all ways of interacting with others that betray the committed relationship. A secret is always involved when it comes to cheating. Porn often is done in…