Just some of my musings on life, the faces of the graces and the fickle finger of the fates...

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Smothered

Part of the reason that I am starting to get stressed out during the wedding planning is in dealing with my parents. The BF and I had some ideas that were quickly dismissed by my parents and everything we do or talk about garners a flood of opinions most of which are in direct opposition of what we want.

They have a way of treating me like I am 12 they neglect to look at the fact that I have not lived under their roof in a number of years. They forget that I moved half way across the country, purchased my first car, my first home and have a MBA without their assistance.

Instead they talk to me like I have not considered all the options and balk at some ideas that may be out of the norm. Heaven forbid we get married on a Friday, we will be asking too much from people to travel (even though midweek airfare is cheaper!), we can't have a reception in a "loft" how will people get from their hotel to the venue, what if they drink? (we were going to have a trolley/van for transportation) but no no no. the biggest agreement had to do with who would be my bridesmaids, it got so bad it reduced me to tears and when I really think about it I get so pissed.

Now they are having opinions on some things that we have on our to do list. We are in the process of meeting with florists and they think it is too soon and go on to compare me with my brother. That my friends, is a dangerous thing for them to do especially after I have explicitly told them that my ideas are not going to mirror his and that I do not want to be compared to him and his wedding. End of story!

I was so upset after speaking with my mother yesterday that I decided two things. The first, I am no longer telling them our ideas and suggestions, we are just going to do them. The second, I will most likely refuse any more offers of help from them. They have reduced me to a ball of stress that the BF has to deal with.

He has been a trooper with them but as an outside observer he sees how they treat me and it is starting to upset him. My mom is the queen of passive aggressive tactics and her "not meaning to insult" insults, she has asked me a question and then an hour or two later when I am out of the room will ask the BF to see if she gets the same answer. I have become immune to it but lately, I have started to react to it. I am afraid that they will push me to a point where not only will I snap but so will he. So it is best that I limit my contact with them while we are working on the planning.

So yes mom, you and dad are part of the reason why I had to go to see a counselor a few years ago and I found her again so I may have to pick up where I left off.

4 comments:

This kind of emotional post really saddens me. I'm sad that you're so stressed over something that's supposed to be happy and fun. I'm sad that you're not seeing eye to eye with your family. Have you considered doing a really small civil ceremony that's all about you and BF where you invite a couple key friends and go out for a really nice meal afterwards? Oh and don't tell your family that you were officially wed prior to the wedding date? Maybe that will take the stress off wanting everything your way the day of the wedding ... since we all know the wedding is about those footing the bill. Another thought - don't accept money from your folks and plan it YOUR way (tough indeed, maybe impossible, but that will wipe away all their expectations, ya know?!).

It is really sad. However, it was expected all my friends told me that the wedding is not just your day but the day for your family as well. Plus family will always express their opnions because that is the way that it is. I am find with opnions but it is the delivery and intention that can get under my skin.

We've decided to see how much of the bill we can foot and then not tell them what we have decided to do (the less they know philosophy).

If we do take their money and we will have some conditions as well and if they are violated, we will refund their money.

Ironically, we are looking forward to the day and we have faith in those we hired.

Follow by Email

Subscribe To Musings, graces and fate

Original Content

Who am I...

A native NYer who now calls Chicago home. I am a 30ish professional, part time grad student and a woman. I love to travel, to paint to read, and to wonder. My family and friends are my world and they are all over the world. Still trying to make sense of it all the good, the bad, the pretty and the ulgy. Still a bit cynical and skeptical-my New York traits but hope, dreams and desires conqure all-at least that is what I keep telling myself.

Mantra for now.....

“Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.” - Steve Jobs