After years of legal grappling, the X-rated extramarital sex tape involving ex-respectable politician John Edwards, his pantsless mistress Rielle Hunter, and the murder of everything you find beautiful and precious in the world is now safely in the hands of a woman who surely would never to think to profit from it. Rielle Hunter. So, when is this thing going to hit the 'net?

The Huffington Postreports that the tape, which was made during the darkest moment in all of human history, was made while at some point before the summer of 2007, when Edwards was poised to run for President on the Democratic ticket and Rielle Hunter was pregnant with John Edwards' child and living with former aide Andrew Young. Hunter says she threw the tape away but that it was stolen by Young, who refused to surrender it to Hunter. Young is the guy who originally claimed to be the father of Hunter's baby as a way to "take one for Team Edwards." Young later disavowed Hunter's baby and told the news media that Edwards promised Hunter that after his wife Elizabeth died of cancer, he'd marry her on a rooftop in New York City while the Dave Matthews Band played.

Did you make it through that paragraph without throwing up on yourself? Good. Take whatever time you need.

Edwards, meanwhile, will face trial at the end of March for allegedly using over $1 million in donations from his Presidential campaign to cover up his affair with Hunter.