Patriot act reads like a stale tale

Published: January 18, 2014;Last modified: January 19, 2014 09:26AM

Earlier this week, I received a press release from the New England Patriots.

It was 61 pages long.

It was the Warren Commission of NFL notes packages. I opted to save a small forest and an entire ink cartridge by not printing it out. But I read it from cover to cover. And if it would have had a cover, it could have been sold in paperback.

After learning more about the Patriots than should be allowed by law, I am convinced there is not a better team in the history of the NFL than New England.

The Patriots are as good as there has ever been in the NFL, or so the Patriots say (only a single-line mention of the Pats’ 46-10 lost to Chicago in Super Bowl XX).

The mug shot of Pats head coach Bill Belichick on Page 24 was no doubt altered, as he is smiling.

This was spin doctoring at its finest.

There are six pages devoted strictly to Tom Brady. His name is highlighted in every category and he ranks among the greats all-time at his position. He is too young to have invented the game of football; the Patriots, however, believe that he perfected it.

Brady, to Pats fans, is a demigod. He is the Oz of football, all-knowing and all-powerful. He is about to battle Peyton Manning, who, the Pats concede, is a decent quarterback in his own right.

The Brady vs. Manning story line is misleading. Those two won’t be on the field together for a single play — although that would be a hoot since they are two of the most immobile quarterbacks in history.

It would be like the Statue of Liberty trying to defend the Venus de Milo.

Brady doesn’t have to stop Manning, or vice-versa.

“(Manning’s) a great player, they’ve got a great team and one of the best offenses in history,” Brady conceded this week. “There’s not one phase of our game that we can’t be at our very best. They’ve been playing great since the opening day of the season. We’ve kind of had to find our way a little bit. But none of it really matters, it’s just all about this game.”

When asked what he thought about Manning and Brady always being compared to each other, Belichick said, “That’s your job.”

The weekly manifesto proved to be more than enough useless information for talking heads and overweight pen-huggers to fill a week’s worth of hype and hyperbole.

And if I were the Broncos, I wouldn’t bother to show up today because the Patriots are nothing short of football super heroes.

Alas, football games aren’t played on paper. And 61 pages dripping with glamorized historical facts and figures mean absolutely nothing today.

So, then, who wins?

Is there some Mile High magic left in Denver? Or are the Patriots as good as the Patriots say?

All things being equal, home-field advantage is very real in the NFL.

The Patriots haven’t played a road playoff game since 2007.

“We play eight games on the road every season,” Belichick deadpanned, or said, as it was hard to differentiate.

The best teams don’t always win. How else can you explain why Trent Dilfer and Brad Johnson have Super Bowl rings and Dan Marino doesn’t?

The NFL, now more than ever, is an on-any-given-Sunday proposition.

The Broncos and Patriots have met in the playoffs three times. The Broncos have won twice, both in Denver.