Permission to reprint the following article, which originally appeared on 26 May 1999, was graciously granted by

Above: SCA members guard the recently seized St. Basil's Cathedral.

MOSCOW--Official reports from the Kremlin Tuesday confirmed that the Society for Creative Anachronism, a group of medieval-wargames hobbyists, seized
control of Russia in a bloodless coup over the weekend.

"Weakened by food shortages, political instability and widespread economic
chaos, our military's combined forces proved no match for the enemy's rattan-and-duct-tape
broadswords and homemade weaponry," said deposed Russian president
Boris Yeltsin during a national radio address in which he relinquished rulership
to the "Principality Of The Mists," one of several dozen SCA "kingdoms."

"I can't tell you how humiliating this is," he added.

The SCA, founded in 1966 by a group of Berkeley science-fiction and fantasy
fans, is a non-profit organization dedicated to fun and learning through
such medieval activities as metalwork, calligraphy, lute-playing and brewing.
Boasting more than 20,000 dues-paying members in 14 countries, the club
is also known for holding elaborately staged mock battles, followed by feasting
and merrymaking amid the revelry of troubadours and jesters.

The seizure of over 70% of Russia's land mass marks the first time the SCA
has ventured into the arena of international politics.

"I can't believe how easy it was to claim Kiev for the Kingdom Of Ealdormere,"
said Royal Peer Gawain Falconsfyre, a 44-year-old tech-support assistant
from a suburb of Toronto. "It was a piece of cake. Haven't any of these
Russians ever heard of a moving-shield-wall offense?"

Due to the disarray of communications within Russia, information regarding
the actual invasion is sketchy. It was confirmed, however, that St. Petersburg
was taken without a shot being fired late Saturday morning, after thousands
of Russian soldiers deserted their posts, joining approximately 70 SCA knights
advancing on the city in hopes of being issued new boots and coats.

The SCA also overtook vast areas at the borders of former Russian republics
Ukraine and Belarus simply by trading several sacks of potatoes for enemy
guns.

Above: Former president Boris Yeltsin transferring control of Russia
to Grand Seneschal Ulf Silverhawk.

"Forsooth, mine legions of brave warmakers hath conquered the Lands
West O' the Urals! Let there be great rejoicing in our noble victory!"
exclaimed Cedric, Bard of the House of Æthelmearc, 36, hoisting a
flagon of ale. "What, ho! Bring on the serving wenches!"

Cedric, known as Harold Freed when among non-SCA members, is credited with
capturing two military air bases and a string of missile installations throughout
the north Caucasus region along the Georgian border--an area rendered vulnerable
by ethnic infighting, corruption and military anarchy.

SCA leaders, who have called the weekend's campaign "a really good
time," were said to be especially pleased with the invasion's early
wrap-up, as it left the remainder of the weekend free for social recreation
in the form of mead-drinking, archery contests, and the singing of bawdy
madrigals.

Even captured Russian soldiers were invited to join in the fun and campfire
dancing. Such "good sportsmanship" has some analysts arguing that
the SCA's power base in Russia may even benefit the troubled land in the
long run.

"Though civilian rioting and widespread starvation still rock the major
population centers, Russia is actually more stable right now than it has
been for the last 18 months," Harvard political science professor F.
Horace Gunderson said. "Candle-dipping seminars are addressing the
problems posed by energy shortages, and the booths selling roasted turkey
legs represent, in many regions, the first source of food in weeks."

"This could be the best thing to happen to Russia in years," agreed
State Department foreign-affairs analyst Howard Plum. "The sale of
jewelry, driftwood art and other medieval handcrafting at concession tables
throughout Russia has boosted local economies, and SCA presence has even
created new jobs in the custodial and campground-rental fields."

The U.N. security council is drafting a proposal urging SCA forces to remain
in Russia, at least until a more viable interim government can be structured.

"Under the current political system, the Russian people face Mafia
domination of the black market and a deteriorating national infrastructure,"
U.N. Ambassador Thomas R. Pickering said. "With an elaborately networked
consortium of amateur gamers in charge, however, there will at least be
some semblance of order."

Members of SCA nobility, however, say the group has no interest in running
Russia for any great length of time, especially with the members' need to
prepare for their next major event, this summer's Pennsic War between the
East and Middle Kingdoms, to be held in Pennsylvania. Insiders expect the
occupying forces to return power to the Russian government "on the
honor system" and return to their day jobs by the end of the week.

"We're doing this for fun, not the vulgar acquisition of personal political
power," said insurance actuary and Arizona native Willownook Pendragon,
of the Kingdom of Atenveldt. "We're here to celebrate our mutual interest
in the ways and customs of pre-1600 feudal Europe, and to bedeck ourselves
in the heraldic regalia of our fictional medieval personas, not to get mixed
up in politics."

Pendragon added that "anyone who wants to have a fun time and make
new friends" should check out the SCA home page or contact the group's
California headquarters directly at its toll-free number for more information
on an SCA chapter in their area.

"We're really just friendly folks who welcome outsiders," Pendragon
said. "Plus, now is a great time to get involved, because there's lots
of super events coming up this summer, and you'll want time to prepare the
correct blazon for your heraldry."

The story of how all this came about

The Onion's graphics editor emailed Paul at work and asked him if he knew of anyone near Madison that would be willing to pose for some pics for an article about Medievalists taking over Russia. He wanted people who "looked like" they were in the SCA. Paul replied that he could do him one better and get him the real SCA. The Onion had also gotten in touch with the Barony of Jaravellir's (Madison, Wisconsin) seneschal and the Baron and received more info. With one day's notice the Barony members came to the weekly fighter/archery/dance/social practice in proper dress and posed. The Onion reps explained what the pic was for and what the Onion was (apparently they encounter many subjects who don't understand what the photos/interviews will eventually be used for) and pictures were taken.

The Onion contacted many people in the area. I don't know exactly why they contacted Paul, but I think that probably The Onion did a web search for "SCA", "Russia" and "politics" and got Paul's home page with his professional credits (political science professor with Russian emphasis) and his SCA persona pic and info. Of course it helps that he also runs the Slavic Interest Group! Needless to say, the photo went up on his office door with the caption of "What I Did On My Summer Vacation".