There’s this fieriness to her, this loudness, this tenderness, this bent toward wanting to scream and then cry when someone wrongs her; she is so dear and so thoughtful and so… worried. She’s worried she won’t be able to control her temper, find peace in conflict, or just breathe long enough to not yell at her brother when he irritates her. She thinks she’ll never change.

“Oh sweet Caroline, you are so much like me,” I tell her as we drive, just the two of us.

“No, mom, not really.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Because you know how to control your anger and I don’t. I’ll never be able to.”

And there it is, the lie that she’ll never change, the start of a downward thought process that can lead to despair if not corrected in truth.

“Care, how old are you?”

“Eight.”

“Well, I’m 37, so I’ve got some years on you, and through those years God has helped me to have self-control, and He will help you too, but give yourself time to grow and learn and surrender and wait as He helps you. You can have self-control. Here, I’ll share some of what I’ve learned…”

I take the time to share with her the simple truths of walking away when you’re angry, knowing that anger isn’t so much the problem as sinning in your anger is, patience, forgiveness, talking it through…all the things that have helped me through the years. But most of all, of course, believing that as I submit to God, as I stay in His Word, He tenderly and gently does the work of making this new self, this new soul, mature.

He does the work, whatever it is that needs to be done, and I surrender to it.

I have learned over the years that giving myself time to grow and stretch into my new self is a form of trust. When I am gentle with myself, when I believe that the Holy Spirit is working good for me, I am trusting God that this is His deal. I am His creation, His clay, and He does the work. I can no more mold myself than a lump of clay can mold itself.

So today, whatever it is you’re struggling with, remember to give yourself time. There is a grace and a gentleness to the wait, to the maturing, to the stretching. But it’s happening, this growth, so hold on to that truth today. God is doing a good work in you.

Sarah Mae

Sarah Mae has a past that would be her present if it weren’t for Jesus. A blogger, author, and co-author of Desperate: Hope for the Mom Who Needs to Breathe, she’s currently writing The Complicated Heart, a book for broken-hearted lovers of Jesus. Learn more at @thecomplicatedheart on Instagram or...
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Sarah Mae,
When I read your story, I realize God knew exactly what He was doing when He gave Caroline, you, as her mother. Who better to guide someone down a road than someone who’s walked it before. What a blessing that you can have this dialogue with your daughter and share with her what you’ve learned as you’ve matured. Give yourself time….even at 56, I realize I STILL need to do this and to cut myself some slack. God whispers, “Be easy on yourself….you haven’t yet arrived.” I won’t “get there” until I leave this earth so I still need a lot more time and patience. Good that you are teaching Caroline this truth at her tender age. Well done, Mom. A story we can ALL learn from…
Blessings,
Bev xx

Wise words. It might be nice to read Little Women by Louisa M Alcott with your daughter or she reads alone. It’s a lovely book in its own right just to read. But your conversation is the same conversation that Jo March (the main character) has with her Mother at some point in the book and it’s a thread throughout. Plus the rest of the books in the series are great!

Sarah, LOVE this so, so much!!! “When I am gentle with myself, when I believe that the Holy Spirit is working good for me, I am trusting God that this is His deal.“ Beautifully said. Thank you. I need this plastered everywhere! So grateful for God’s mercy from beginning to end.

I was in the health center, waiting for a check up, reading your post. I had had a stressful morning for no good reason. That’s pretty much the main reason for my health issues, and I can’t change myself. But I know God will. Thank you for the sweet reminder that although it may take time, the change will happen. He will teach me and lead me.

So many times I’ve felt it would be nice to live the “Benjamin Buttons” way of aging. Having wisdom from the get-go before you make all the mistakes. But, that’s unrealistic as so many of our lessons come from our mistakes. Sounds like your sweet girl has a lot of insight for her young age…and a great mentor in her mother. 🙂

Sarah Mae, thank you so much for this very timely post! “God IS doing a good work in you.” I needed to hear that today, because it seems like God is doing everything wrong. He seemed to tell me one thing, and now everything is going the other way. I’m confused and I don’t understand, but I trust He is doing a GOOD work in me. No matter whether it seems like it or not.

This post blesses me and opens my eyes. Our daughter has been bullied in the past and even though she’s left that behind, the resentment and anger still linger. She’s quick to defend herself but I’m noticing she’s also quick to defend her anger. When the time is right, I’m going to remind her to go easy on herself (and those who bullied her) and allow the Holy Spirit the time He needs to work in and through her pain and self-control. I’ve told her God can use all those difficult experiences to work through her to help others going through similar situations. Sort of like you helping your daughter, Sarah! 😉

And for me and the waiting season I’m currently in, ” There is a grace and a gentleness to the wait, to the maturing, to the stretching. But it’s happening, this growth, so hold on to that truth today. God is doing a good work in you.” My goodness I needed to read that!

Thank you for this post that is sure to bless my daughter and is already blessing me. God bless you!

Thank you, Becky. I so appreciate your prayers and your touching words…what a beautiful thing to say! You’re right…it is hard work growing up, and in Christ, and today. Things are very different than when I was a little girl. But God is still in control and never changing. I’m so thankful for Him and His touch and guidance in my life and in our daughter’s life. God bless you, and thanks again!

You just described my son, and his heart is so tender yet so tough on the outside with his anger. Sometimes I just don’t know what to say… but thank you for putting into words for me some of the things that will help us have great conversations in the future!

Sarah Mae – thank you for this heart warming sharing – Caroline is so blessed to have you as her mom – I shall use “what [you] ‘ve learned” with my 4 year old quick to anger granddaughter – last week she was so angry with one of her older brothers – I asked her to pause and take a breath to which she responded, “No grandma, I will not take a breath, I will not take a breath” – So I took a deep breath – Indeed, I will “give [her] time to grow and learn and surrender and wait as He” molds her into His masterpiece – I am secure with the knowledge that Heavenly Father is doing good work in her – blessings to all xo

Even at age 57 I am learning that God is doing a good work in me. What a blessing to start at a much younger age learning your identity in Christ. Life lessons stick with us for a time but God lessons stay with us forever.

Wow! Well said! I’m old enough to be YOUR mother, and these wise words of have absolutely blessed me. I’m forever saying to God, “Just tell me what I need to do to become the person you made me to be!” It’s never occurred to me to just let Him do it! That speaks volumes, doesn’t it? 🙂

The world needs more moms like you. Gently talking to your daughter & giving her sage advice. She is a blessed girl. I understand just how she feels. My temper used to get the best of me-sometimes still does. Over time (53) I’ve learned & matured in Christ enough to control myself. There are times I want to spout off & tell people what I think. Then I realize it’s the devil trying to keep an argument going. Yes! Be gentle with yourself & allow God to mold you.

I have a son who struggles with anger and he can be such a loving brother and a good leader. I have been trying to find a way “in” and he is good at closing himself off. Slowly but surely I am hoping that my words will sink in. I try to affirm him when he does the right thing. I do honk there is some inprovement. It is hard, though, when he gets mad about really simple things like, not the right kind of bread, eggs are not the way I made hem yeaterday, and other such irritations for him. I’m at a loss sometimes. I’m not sure how Hod wants me to handle this. Hoping I can reach his heart on hear issues.

“…as I submit to God, as I stay in His Word, He tenderly and gently does the work of making this new self, this new soul, mature.” Ain’t that the beautiful truth! God’s work in us. We can’t create a new self on our own. Leaning in to this gift of grace today with you. (And tucking this post in my mama back pocket for the next time my middle one laments that he’s just a bad boy and can’t have self control to make better choices. Yes, be gentle with yourself son. Change is possible.) Thanks for your tender heart and wise words, Sarah.

I really relate to this. I see myself in my 15 year old. And I’ve definitely grown throughout the years. But when I see him reacting in anger or depressed by his actions, I feel responsible. He learned from me how to be in a rage and to be depressed after. If I had it figured out sooner he’d be better off now.

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