Month: September 2016

For many of you that have know me along time I known for my negativity. I was once quoted as saying, my glass is half empty with a hole in the bottom. Well while that might still be true I have been really working toward working past the negative side of life. While I will never get past be rude and offensive (at least I am like south park and don’t pick and choose I just go for everyone) I have very dark sense of humor that comes from a crazy childhood and slightly depressing life. These are things that I dont see as a negative so prolly not going to work to change them anytime soon. But we are living in a very scary time in history there are so many reasons to be negative about a lot of things, but does it really do any good? My negative just feeds someone else feelings and just keeps going down that path. I just does no one any good. Social media has so many amazing things about it but for all the good I have recently been debating if the negative does not out weigh the positive. We all have opinions about things and we are 100% allowed to have them, but has anyone fighting with you on Facebook about something ever changed your mind? My guess is no there are times and places and ways to have healthy discussions about things. We dont learn and grow as people without those discussions but……… before you go for someone of social media ask yourself a few questions.

Would I approach this situation the same way face to face?

Do I know the person about to comment to?

If so what is there personal connection to the topic?

If I dont then just move on cause you have no idea what has lead them to think the way they do.

Have I done my research about the topic? (real research with credible sources not another Facebook post, peer reviewed journals and articles are always a winner)

Does this person care what I have to say? (in most cases the answer is no)

Would this be a better more productive conversation in a private message or in face to face?

If you have taken the time to really think about these most of the time my guess is that very hateful or contrary post you thought about, is not going to be productive and help fix any social, political, or personal reason.

In a world so full of hurt, pain, hunger, need, and addiction. Why do any of us need to add more to that? Without conversations and sometime confrontation things dont change but being a social media vigilante I can promise is not going to help. Think before you post, think before you speak. Try focusing on the positive and not the negative for a while and see how maybe not the whole world changes but I promise your little corner of the world will change.

June 12, 2016 changed my life for many reasons. That day will live in the memory of many who lost loved ones, who lost the freedom to feel safe in a pervious haven, as well as those who love anyone in the LGBTQ commuinty. One of my dear friends wrote these words shortly after the event:

What happened in Orlando is incomprehensible. I honestly cannot wrap my brain around such hatred – and the audacity to kill people you don’t even know, who’ve never hurt you.
My best friend is gay.
He’s the guy who helped me move from sun-up, til sun-down in the middle of July heat. He’ll help me pick out a dress or move my television six times until I decide where it looks best. He’s at Avery’s every party, every milestone; she considers him family. He teaches Sunday School. He’d literally give you the shirt off his back.

To think that man killed someone’s Tommy, 50 of them, for no reason other than unreasonable hatred, makes me want to cry a thousand tears. My world would be shattered. I can’t imagine how many lives have been shattered over this — mothers, fathers, siblings, best friends…devastated beyond repair.
I beg this of you:
Teach your children love and kindness. Teach them that harming ANYONE, regardless of your feelings, is not an acceptable outlet. And teach them by EXAMPLE. We can fix this, friends.
Love conquers hate.

From the darkest of nights brings the brightest mornings. We never know the moments that will give us our voices back. I have been given a story to tell, the life I have lived has been for a reason and I am as God created me to be. I am ready to tell me story, I ready to listen to others stories, as we follow the paths to living a authentic life talking is how we learn and grow.

In most peoples lives there are things that happen you remember the exact details on what you where doing, eating, smelling, or seeing. For most Americans 9.11.01 for sure is one of days. I remember waking up and watching 7th heaven when my cell phone rang and my grandmother was calling telling my to turn my tv on a different different channel. At that point only one plane had hit the world trade center and they really didn’t know what was going on yet. I was a undergrad then and while watching the news still went to campus. I had two classes that day one education class that I have no idea what we did or talked about during class and a sculpture class. When we all gathered in sorell annex, at the time we where working on a plaster carving the professor obviously talked about what was going on at the time, but he then did something that is still something I do. There was nothing we could do about what was happening different people knew people in and around the trade center and obviously where upset but Jonathan turned the music on and told us all to start working. Creating in moments of desperation, heartache, sadness, or even great happiness is something that gotten me through a lot of hard times in my life. The next few days after the attack changed the lives of many people. When I think about other moments that changed life as I knew most are more personal and didn’t change the whole world, but just because something does not change the world does not mean its not important. As a young very closeted gay man when Matthew Shepard was brutally murdered that act of hate add yet another layer of fear of living my own truth. The book his mom wrote about it all is still one of the most powerful books ever written. Finding out that my grandmother died I was standing the hallway of FABcare between the birthday board and water fountain, a short 15 days later I was sitting in one the white rocking chairs in the church nursery when I was told mom and passed. These moments changed some people lives very differently for me others it was just another day and didn’t change much at all. As we remember these days the most important thing is learning why sometimes bad things happen and what we can do change things because of the lives we has experienced. If we learn from everything in life good and bad we can grow as people and a society. There is a difference from learning and moving on in life and just forgetting. There are some pains that we just learn to live with cause some wounds never totally heal, others do in time but even the ones that stop hurting still might leave a scare that will stay around for a little while or maybe for the rest of your life. What we do with these times is what helps define our legacy and who we are as people. Do we get bitter or better?

The past couple of days have been crazy, my dad was in the hospital and I have know five people who passed away plus work, work, and work. Sometimes life gets really crazy to say least. Over the past year or so I have been making a effort to not look so negatively at life. I am still far from a optimist, I currently think I fall in the realist category which is much better then a firm pessimist. My life as not always been easy at times honestly its been down right shitty, but I am alive and healthy. I come from a lot of sickness, a family of addiction, and in general a little black rain cloud. Outwardly for the most part my family as a kid was a semi-typical family. In reality looking back it far from typical. It was really on the fast track to something not good at all. My mom was sick as long I can remember in and out the hospital all the time. I knew when I got off the school bus and my neighbor Flo was standing on the porch that meant mom was back in the hospital. My dad was always at “work” honestly I really have no idea where he was other then I do know he had a gambling problem to the point that he would spend in whole paycheck in a night. I was lucky to have my grandparents they are really the only reason my sister and I turned out at all. I know often when I would ask what was for dinner the answer was lets go to grannys for a while, that translated into there was no food in the house and she would fix dinner. More often then not we would spend most weekends with them, and every summer from the time I was 5 till I was 18 I spent the summers in Maryland with my other grandparents. At the time I never really thought about about it or that is was a odd thing to do but looking back it was not normal at all. Our house was always a mess, I never had friends over or anything like that because you never knew if dad would be there, how mom would feel, or if the house would be clean. I have been doing my own laundry since I was 10 and cooking before that. Life is crappy at times, but one thing my mom always made sure happen was that I was at church every sunday. She always made sure someone was picking me up if I need it. I am telling all of this because so often we think other peoples lives are great or perfect and thats often just not true. Dad was always there to put on the show for other people but would leave me sitting outside school after a after school choir practice to the point that my principal brought me home because she was going home and would not leave me sitting outside. I have not told this story to make people feel sorry for me but to realize that no matter what life we are given we can move forward and look for the positive in life. We are given things to do in life only our life experiences experiences can prepare us to be able to handle. Because of my life I have become a very independent person at times to much so, there is very little in life I can not handle and if I ever ask for help people that know me well understand that I must really be desperate. Try to find the good in every situation.

What is family? Is family shared DNA? Is family something legal paper work signed? You often hear people say blood is thicker then water, which is true but is what it means true as well? RuPaul often stays that one of the most special parts of being gay is that we get to pick our families. For many in the gay community this is because they are not accepted by there blood families, is this is a sad part of life for sure. In 2016 I truly hope this is becoming less a reality but I know it still happens. There is a tradition in the gay bar world of even serving thanksgiving dinner at the bar on thanksgiving, for a lot of people this was how they celebrated with family. Recently I had a family member unfriend me on Facebook because he was so close minded that he could see that other people are aloud to see things in another way from him. So have suggested that because he’s family I should reach out and try to mend things with him. But in reality does it matter? just because you share DNA with a person who you have not seen in years and honestly will never see again most likely do we need to friends? Honestly I don’t think so. When I think about my family the people who are really there in the good and the bad, the clean and the messy for the most part I don’t share DNA with them. I am not sure I totally agree with Ru that we choose our families, but I do think very often they end up being different from the one we are born into. The people who I would list as family are people who I didn’t pick really but people that just ended up in my life. These are the people who I would do anything for and people that would do that same for me. These are the people who I have spent my ups and down with, holidays, birthdays, ect. With DNA family it seems the most part I only see at weddings and funerals, for the most part they are not who I would call if I need anything. Families fight things are not always perfect but that does not mean you dont still love each and support each other. If we look at Jesus and the disciples they are not blood related but really are the ultimate family. Spending lives together eating, sleeping, and traveling this example shows how sometimes the people that we learn the most from and depend on the most are out “family” whatever definition fits your relationships.