For more than a week I've been listening to the news reports about the Boston marathon bombing and the horrific fire/explosion in West, Texas. I can get almost paralyzed by events like these, combined with the shock of the extent of how far the enemy will reach to destroy. Then there's the blogs, Facebook and Twitter posts...

And the Lord brought Jonah to mind.

Huh?

Jonah. The guy swallowed up in a big fish.

Why?
(Stay with me--I'll get there, I promise)

For a moment, my mind went blank. So I started to read ....and my mind put this together.

The Lord told Jonah to go preach to the Ninevites. Jonah said no. He didn't like the Ninevites, he grew up hating the Assyrians and fearing their atrocities. They were known throughout the region for exploiting the helpless, idolatry, prostitution, witchcraft and cruelty in war. His hatred was so strong, he didn't think they 'deserved' to hear the message of God's grace. So he left, jumped on a ship for Tarshish. (Jonah 1:1-3 NIV)

Jonah, with his "I don't care what God says" attitude, boards a ship and falls into a deep sleep, in the middle of a violent storm. (Jonah 1:4-5) The captain and other men on the ship begged Jonah to tell them what to do. When Jonah finally told them to throw him overboard, the men did their best to row back to shore, so they wouldn't have to harm Jonah. The sea became rougher still. The men on the ship asked God for forgiveness for sacrificing Jonah's life. Finally, they threw him overboard and the sea became calm. But Jonah didn't die. God sent a fish to swallow Jonah and keep him alive while God dealt with him.

Chapter 2 is Jonah's prayer from the belly of the fish. He was simply grateful he had not died. As a prophet, he knew he neglected his responsibility of total obedience to God.

Chapter 3 tells of Jonah finally going to Nineveh, proclaiming the message God gave him for that city. The king heard, issued a decree, and the people turned from their wicked ways. God saw, and had compassion on them. God did not bring upon them the destruction He had threatened.

So Jonah should have been ecstatic, right?

Chapter 4 opens with "But Jonah was greatly displeased and became angry."
Jonah knew God was compassionate and loving, but he still didn't think the Ninevites deserved God's compassion. But God asked him, "Have you any right to be angry?".

Jonah's answer? He ran away to sulk.

God provided a vine to grow up over where Jonah lay, to give shade and ease his discomfort. Jonah was happy about the vine. The next day, God sent a worm to destroy the vine. Between the scorching wind and the blazing sun, Jonah wanted to die, again.

(verse 9)"But God said to Jonah, "Do you have a right to be angry about the vine?"

And Jonah replied, "I do. I am angry enough to die."

"But the LORD said, "You have been concerned about this vine, though you did not tend it or make it grow. It sprang up overnight and died overnight. But Nineveh has more than a hundred and twenty thousand people who cannot tell their right hand from their left, and many cattle as well. Should I not be concerned about that great city?" (Jonah 4:10,11 NIV)

Jonah was angry about the withering of the vine, but not concerned about what would have happened to the people of Nineveh. Jonah wanted God to have compassion on him, but not on the Ninevites, because, in his opinion, they didn't deserve it...

As I watch the news, I see the face of Dzhokhar Tsarnaev. I see his family members, as well as innocent victims of the bombing, and the explosions in Texas.

What will be said about you(me) after you're (I'm) gone? What type of legacy will you(I) leave? Who will care about what I have to say?
Sigh.

This goes back to my last post about wasting time. You can read about that here if you like. But today's ponderings were different.

I admitted my unbelief.

Not my basic belief in God, but my very own, heartfelt Yes Lord, You know that I believe You belief.

I have these moments.

And God knows I struggle with these moments.

They don't last long,usually, and in hindsight, I can see He's been there all the time...but today, I struggled...and wondered, "What kind of legacy does my unbelief leave behind?"

And He began to speak. I found myself in Exodus, fully prepared to do a long journal-writing-devotional time, when I got interrupted. Phone calls, appointments, and unexpected stops broke up my carefully planned time of study. "Again Lord?", I whined, as both He and I knew my tendency to do so.

And I went back to read what I had written:

I admit...my unbelief...You are bringing this issue to my forefront again Lord, so I need to address it as the bigger sin issue it is. I can so easily encourage others to see Your hand in this matter, why can I not see Your hand in it for me? Do I believe You won't supply? Do I believe just because I can't see it, that it is impossible?

As I was writing these very words in my journal, the scriptures exploded in my mind-
Do I believe You won't supply?I will supply all your needs according to My riches in Heaven.
Do I believe just because I can't see it, that it's impossible?Nothing is impossible for Me.

In Exodus 33:11-14(NIV), the footnotes say Moses relied wholeheartedly on God's wisdom and direction. Wholeheartedly is the word that jumped out at me today. I want to serve God wholeheartedly as Moses did. In verse 13 Moses said "If You are pleased with me, teach me Your ways so I may know You and continue to find favor in You. Later, in verse 14 the Lord replied "My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest."

So...

Instead of beating my self up (again) because my 'day got disrupted' (again), I caught a glimpse of what God wanted me to accomplish today.

•I got DEEP in His Word and made it my own...
•I encouraged people today...
•I did the job He has given me to do.

This tree was a victim of Hurricane Sandy, which struck my area (NE PA) in early November, 2012. It's stark, silent witness reminded me of the feelings we (I) have felt recently, and not so recently.

Being a visual person, it triggered thoughts of God's solace and great love for me. The violently ripped remnant of this once majestic tree reminded me...

We all have scars.

Some are visible, some--probably most--are not.

Some are still fresh, bleeding-ugly-raw things that almost seem to have a life of their own.

Some are healed over and no longer smart when a finger of memory caresses...

As I study this stump it screams silently at me,

I KNOW!

I know the pain you bear!

I know the struggles you endure!

I know what happened to you!

I KNOW!

Jesus knows.

The cross sculpture I'm making will have wood from this tree/stump in it.

It will be filled with 'things'; broken glass, shattered mirror, nails, rocks, rose petals, miscellaneous hardware, watch parts--and of course, pieces of wood from the tree.

Each piece in the sculpture represents something; each thing is different for each one who views it. The sculpture is done in layers, because we each are layered in our healing.

Dear one, know He knows each of your scars.

He went to the Cross to break your bondage to them.

This sculpture piece will be finished in June, 2013.
Please contact me if you would like to book me as a speaker using this sculpture as a focus topic.
To view more snippets of "At the Cross", click here.

Storm's brewin'. I remember watching the skies before this one hit. I had just made it home when the skies opened up. Raindrops like paintball splotches on my shirt. Wind whipping trash and leaves down my street. Take in the perishables but leave the rest of the groceries in the car until after the rain stopped.
Storms.

I had an experience Monday that struck me worse than a storm. A friendship I have done my best to maintain needed to be terminated.

It had lasted, in its crippled state, for fifteen years. She had always had a sarcastic mouth, was quick with a put-down--those seemingly innocent zingers that annoyed, and sometimes drew blood--yet always given with a quick laugh to show she was 'only joking' (Wassamatter? Can't you take a joke?)

I hadn't seen her for 6 months--about the time we were led by God to change churches. This was not a decision we took lightly--we pled for God to make His leading crystal clear, for we wanted to be totally obedient to His wooing. God gently but firmly gave His direction and we acted on it.

Within the last six months, still pleading with God to show me what to do about this situation, I reached out with a couple text messages, telling her I missed her. They were answered in that passive aggressive tone--a pattern I recognized all too well.

Monday, I had the opportunity to make a hospital visit, knowing she would be there too.

From the time I arrived, the old zingers appeared. But I could only look at her with sadness.

When I first met her, I accepted the sarcasm, the putdowns, and such; knowing she had been hurt by people in the past and this was her defense mechanism to head off being hurt again. I accepted the crumbs and worked at showing her His love as best I knew how.

Her behavior continued, as did her habits.

Something in me decided ENOUGH! on Monday.

I ignored her comments that interrupted my conversation, but was acutely aware of the passive aggression displayed there.

I cut my visit short--said polite good-byes, and left.

I brought this to the LORD in my devotional time this morning. In my journaling, I have a section called "Admits' where I come clean with what's bugging me, holding me back, and things that are consuming me, whether real or percieved. I started to write-

I'm having a hard time dealing with X's treatment of me. Her passive--aggressive thing hurt, then made me sad, for both her and her husband. I am not responsible for the actions of others. As far as it depended on me--I was peaceful, calm, and collected, but I will not put myself in such a toxic situation again. I've been nothing but kind and friendly to her over the years and I deserve better than this from her!

I paused. As soon as I wrote the words down, I felt His sweet small voice--

I know what you're going through. I deserve to be treated better, too.

Here, I'm wanting to be treated better, because I deserve better than the treatment I've been getting. You feel this way too, don't You Lord; You certainly deserve to be treated better and they killed You. Thank You for showing me this, so I may understand better. I wrote it down in my art journal so the words wouldn't slip away-

Betrayal, deceit, gossip, slander--I accepted the crumbs, because you were not able to give yourself over to genuine friendship--that was when we first met. It's been over 15 years now, I deserve better than this from you. I was saddened by your response to my attempt to 'be there for you'. Sarcasm? Put downs? No thank you.

LORD, You have shown me the grief in me--I need to let myself grieve--and get past it.
The best way I know how is to run to You.

Are you pulling your hair out yet? Are you checking off items from your to-do list? Is your credit card about ready to melt from all of the activity it's seen? Have you fallen into the retailer's trap of, "Oh, don't forget about So-&-So's gift!" Or the ever popular, "Do we have enough? Better to have too much than not enough!"
No, we want to be the ones with the seemingly endless larder; the "hostess-with-the-mostess" or "You can always count on the (insert-name-here) to put on a great showing".

How often do we spent so much time rushing about, with our arms full, checking and rechecking every last detail, until it all becomes too much and we simply collapse in the chair? We run ourselves ragged, with all our doing and doing.

When do we take the time to just be?

To just be in fellowship with friends we pass by quickly?

To just be sitting next to our spouse, watching a silly Christmas movie we've seen at least once every year?

I have chosen to skip Black Friday shopping this year. My family is small, I have no little ones to shop for, and I got laid off from my full time job in June 2011. My son is grown, living in another state and will not be home for the holidays at all this year. We have decided to celebrate Christmas in May 2012, when he graduates from college.
We have all we need. I will not go into deeper debt to buy things that will be discarded or end up at a spring yardsale. Paul and Timothy made it clear in this passage-

"Actually, I don't have a sense of needing anything personally. I've learned by now to be content whatever my circumstances. I'm just as happy with little as with much, with much as with little. I've found the recipe for being happy whether full or hungry, hands full or empty. Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am. (Phillipians 4:10-13 The Message)

I have already recieved the greatest gift; my salvation in believing Jesus Christ died for me on the cross. Do you have this assurance in your heart? I pray, dear reader, you do. And if you don't, or aren't sure, please read aloud the following prayer:

Dear Jesus, I know I've messed up in my life. Things have become more important to me than You are. I believe You are LORD and I believe in my heart that God raised You from the dead. You died for me, so I can have eternal life in Heaven. I invite You, LORD Jesus, to come into my heart and to help me live my life for You, not me. Thank You LORD Jesus, for saving me from my sins and washing me clean as snow. Amen.

If you have just prayed this prayer, and you really meant it, God really means it too. He has saved you and you will go to Heaven when you die. You have just recieved the greatest gift there is -- a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. If you have recieved Jesus as your LORD and Savior, please make a comment below -- I would like to welcome you into God's family and help you grow as a Christian.

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