The random passing thoughts and weird ideas of Jesse Shearer. Content will range from essays to observations to art, and just about anything one can think of to put in a blog.

Saturday, April 26, 2014

Late Night Ramblings: 4/26/14, 2:30 AM

This is another one of those
nights.

So
here I am again, on yet another night when I'm still up well after I
probably should have gone to bed. Times like this, I find myself
wondering just how I managed to screw up my life badly enough to wind
up where I am now. I do know that I've messed up somehow, but I
don't know how exactly.

And
that last sentence there is what really bothers me. It's good reason
for me to think that I haven't learned a damned thing about anything,
even when I was trying to learn things. That's a problem on a lot of
levels.

It's
bad because I've only got a vague idea of what's wrong here. That
leads to a lot of other problems, both for me and for other people.

I
can't fix what's wrong if I don't really know what that is. Nor can
I ask for help, in that case. And I don't really even know how to go
about changing any of that.

There
are nights like this when it keeps me up, being unproductive. What's
worse is that now that I've written about it, I know it's going to
have the same effect on some other people I know, and it really
shouldn't.

Getting
this all sorted in my own head will probably be the best first step,
and from the looks of things, I'm going to have a good chance to do
that this coming week. Now I just need to get my flabby white ass in
gear and do it.