A Wealth of Goodness

How Joe and Helen Berman changed the world through giving.

Helen and Joe Berman were among dozens of young Jewish newlyweds living in poverty in the area of Kensington Market in downtown Toronto during the Great Depression. Helen was 19 years old and pregnant with her first child.

It was the dead of winter and in lieu of a proper maternity winter jacket, Helen had resorted to wrapping herself in a thick wool blanket until the young couple could save enough money to buy her a coat. When they finally did, Helen left the house for a local department store, elated, when she saw a young neighborhood boy trudging through the snow wearing sandals. When she asked him why, he told her his family couldn’t afford shoes or boots.

“My mom took the young boy with her," recounts Shellie Grafstein, who made aliyah from Toronto three years ago with her husband and five children, "and instead of buying herself a coat, she bought him new boots. She told me that those boots warmed her heart more than any old coat could. My mom always says, says ‘The heart is a muscle that you have to exercise all the time.' Both of my parents were salt of the earth -- their hearts were just massive.”

"The heart is a muscle that you have to exercise all the time."

After a long and extremely successful career as founder of Cadillac Construction, the company that built the Eaton Center and Erin Mills, among other Toronto landmarks, Joe Berman died in 2003 at the age of 81, leaving Helen behind.

“My father was amazing. Even after God blessed him with incredible material wealth, he still took the subway to work every day and bought his clothes in Kensington Market,” says Shellie.

After a lifetime of giving, Helen, 89, now lives a modest life in Thornhill, having given away most of her riches. “My mother felt strongly that their wealth was a gift from the Almighty and that it must be shared. It was a gift that they shared to the fullest. She always says, 'Does a death shroud have pockets?’"

Helen now suffers from Alzheimer’s and, says Shellie with a sigh, “she can’t remember all the amazing things she did. She loves to hear the stories, though, just like all of us do.” Shellie has made it her mission to keep the torch of memory lit and to use the goodness of her parents to inspire others.

Highest Form of Giving

Joe and Helen Berman, 5’4 and 5’2, respectively -- “tiny people who commanded tremendous respect,” as Shellie describes them -- gave philanthropic support to dozens of organizations, often providing their seed money. The very long list includes: the Nefesh Dovid Yeshiva for the hearing impaired in Toronto; the Reena Foundation for disabled children in Toronto; the Boys Town Jerusalem school for the children of new immigrants to Israel; the first Aish HaTorah branch in Toronto and the Ohr Somayach Jewish educational institute in Jerusalem.

But what Shellie remembers most is not the organizations or the money her parents gave, but the way they did it. “Where I grew up there are a many rich people and all of them write checks. There is a big difference between writing a check and taking a personal interest in someone’s life -- giving jobs, giving self-esteem. These are the highest forms of tzedakah and that’s what my parents did.”

Shellie, the youngest of five Berman kids, grew up in a huge mansion on the Bridal Path, one of Toronto’s wealthiest neighborhoods. “I hated growing up in this big, ostentatious house,” she admits, “but I loved that my parents did so much good with it.”

Besides opening the house to the community -- theirs was like a public neighborhood pool -- they also opened their doors to families in need.

The first family the Bermans “adopted” to live in their house some 35 years ago was a woman from Scotland and her two young sons. Helen had met the woman 15 years prior, before she was married and had children of her own. She came to Toronto to work as a nanny for a neighborhood family. Tragically, the family’s newborn died of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome and the woman was sent back to Scotland, where she met her husband and started her own family. When Helen learned that the woman’s husband had died, leaving her quite destitute with two young children, she insisted on bringing her back to Canada to live with them.

Eventually the woman remarried in Toronto. “My father walked her down the aisle,” Shellie recalls.

The Bermans “adopted” a second family five years later. Helen had read an appeal in the morning paper from a young mother who had just immigrated to Canada from the Caribbean and had given birth to quadruplets. The young family had nothing, and they were reaching out to the community for help.

“Joe, which of these homes can we give to the Ricky family?”

After sending a check that very day, Helen admitted to Joe that she just couldn’t sleep. She got into the car and insisted that her husband drive her to one of his company’s new home developments. When they arrived to the project, she asked him, “Joe, which of these homes can we give to the Ricky family?”

After he got over the shock of giving a home to complete strangers, he let her choose which one she wanted to give. From there, she went straight to the department store and bought all of the furniture needed to outfit the house from top to bottom, including four cribs, four playpens, four high chairs, blankets and toys. From there, she went to the supermarket and stocked the house with all the essentials. In two days the house was perfect. “She even cooked for them!” recalls Shellie. “Then she had my father drive to the newspaper that had published the ad and gave them the keys to the house to give to the family.”

The Rickys became members of the Berman extended family. The parents called Helen and Joe ‘Mom and Dad’ and the kids called them ‘Bubbie and Zaida.’ The Rickys attended all Berman family parties and when the babies turned one, Helen threw them a huge birthday party at the mansion. She sent them to summer camp and after school lessons, and subsidized the parents’ driving lessons. Joe even got Mr. Ricky a job. “They were really part of our family,” says Shellie.

Then the Bermans adopted another family in distress, this time a Catholic family from Brampton, Ontario that had adopted 19 developmentally disabled children. He was a caretaker at a school and she was a stay-at-home mom. Their aim was to mainstream the children and encourage their integration into society. Astonished and impressed by the couple’s commitment and the success of their approach, Joe gave away another house in a development in Orangeville, to serve as a country getaway for the parents and their kids.

“They saw this family with its enormous heart," Shellie recounts, "and they wanted to help.”

Joe and Helen gave another house in that development to a neighbor whose home burned down. They lived there for a year until they got back on their feet.

The mansion also became a second home to the couple’s cleaning lady from Italy, who after several years, fell ill and could not support herself. Her children were already Bermans by then, joining the family on summer vacations to Cape Cod and Expo ’67. “We never thought of it as anything special, to take the cleaning lady’s children on vacation with us,” says Shellie.

Both of her parents knew the names and life stories of every employee in the construction company; every cashier at the grocery store; every gas station attendant in the neighborhood; and every bank teller. “That’s just how they were,” says Shellie.

Never Too Late to Learn

It wasn’t until they were in their seventies that the couple really got into Judaism. After answering an appeal to help open an Aish HaTorah branch in Toronto, the couple started learning Torah. “The more they learned, the more they loved it,” says Shellie, recalling that when her father was too ill to attend lessons he used to participate via speakerphone.

In their mid-70s they koshered their home and began to observe the Sabbath.

“When it came to lessons about tzedakah, it was like, ‘I knew this,’ ‘I knew that.’ The learning was a validation of the way they had lived their lives until then.”

In their mid-70s they koshered their home, moved to a Jewish enclave in Thornhill, and began to observe the Sabbath. “It took a tremendous amount of courage for them to change their lives like that. They are living proof that you are never too old to change,” says Shellie.

“When I look at my parents and what they did in their lives, I just think it’s a huge inspiration. My parents are real heroes. They show what is possible for people with money, for people without money, for religious, and for non-religious. Every single person has it in their power to make the world a better place by giving. As my mom used to say, ‘God is like this voice in my ear; the trick is to listen to Him.'”

Visitor Comments: 23

This is a great post. The humanitarian work some people do is incredible. There are many dentist offices that travel during the summer around he world

(22)
Estrella,
February 23, 2011 2:13 PM

Wow!

True heroes and an inspiration to all!

(21)
Naomi Geffen,
November 9, 2010 8:31 PM

My privilege too

I was privileged to meet the Bermans whilst working at Aish HaTorah about 20 years ago and was blown away by their passionate care for people. I learned that Mrs. Berman would get up early every day and write cards and letters to anyone she'd come in contact with. She'd take the names of people who were ill or trying to find a marriage partner, or having fertility problems, and pray for them. Next thing you knew...their problem was solved. I helped the Bermans organize a farewell party at the end of one of their trips to Israel (to thank everyone involved with their schedule). It so happened that my parents were visiting Israel at the time and the Bermans insisted on inviting them to the party too, even though neither had ever met. I, and my parents (generous people themselves) were stunned by this magnanimous gesture, though the Bermans brushed it off as nothing. To this day I marvel at their sincere and overflowing desire to bring pleasure and happiness to all and sundry. Thank you, Shellie and Jenny Hazan, for sharing the Berman story. Yes, we should all learn from the Bermans' attitude of truly caring for others, no matter what your situation. This Berman legacy has definitely been carried on to the next generation and may it continue to do so for many more to come.

(20)
Arieh Rosenblum,
January 28, 2010 7:11 PM

Down to earth righteousness

I've had the opportunity in my work to encounter many of the leading philanthropists in the Canadian Jewish community and around the world. They are all praiseworthy, but Joe and Helen stand out above and beyond in so many ways. They were incredibly kind and thoughtful. They were so down to earth that when we invited them to our one bedroom apartment for a shabbat meal, they graciously accepted, and more than once came. They were consummate hosts, and always demanded only one thing at their well known Shabbat table - that words of Torah would be spoken. Helen generously shared her practical advice - and her recipes. Joe's keen and penetrating insight into any issue was inspiring. One always had a sense that when you were part of the community we shared, you were part of their family. They have been an example and an inspiration to a multitude.

(19)
Esther,
January 23, 2010 6:56 PM

Boundless Generosity

They gave in so many ways. Helen would walk into shul with the biggest smile on her face and greet everyone. She would pray for everyone that needed anything. She opened her house willingly to all events. Their legacy is their beautiful children who continue to give in any way they can to the Jewish people. It's an honor and a pleasure to be friends with the Berman Family

(18)
Dr. Alex Pister,
January 22, 2010 3:48 PM

Mr. and Mrs. Berman were/are incredible Role Models

My wife Sandy and I got to know Mr. and Mrs. B., as they were called, early on in our Aish Toronto days. The relationship grew close over the years. I recall having lunch at their house one Shabbos. The two of them were like young teenagers, joking back and forth. Mr. B. used to come to my classes that I taught at Aish. He always called me Rabbi. I always told him I was a dentist and not to call me Rabbi. He’d say O.K. and then ask a question during the class with the preface of: Rabbi why….? Today, their Thornhill house has been turned into a Torah learning centre. I personally learn there 3-4 times each week. I get a real kick out of the fact that I learn in what used to be Mr. B.’s private office. I’m sure it’s an aliyas neshama for him with all the Torah being studied there. To Mrs. B.: Nachas and Brochos from all you’ve accomplished, the kinderlach and the aineklach. The two of them continue to be incredible role models!

(17)
Marilyn Estreicher,
January 21, 2010 4:25 PM

True Happiness

What an inspiration to read about these wonderful people. Thank you Aish for bringing this story to all our attention

(16)
Denise Rootenberg,
January 20, 2010 7:18 PM

The whole Berman family are role models

I didn't know Mr. and Mrs. Berman all that well but remember them humbly listening and learning in Aish's early days in the Promenade. They had no airs and graces. Shellie is the same, a kind, down to earth person, as is her husband Norm.
I had no idea of how the Bermans shared not only their money but their lives and home, what an inspiring article.

(15)
Anonymous,
January 20, 2010 5:05 PM

WOW

What makes you feel richer than giving to others?

(14)
Anonymous,
January 20, 2010 3:30 PM

I had the privilege of meeting Helen a number of years ago. During the course of our conversation, it became clear that she was, among many things, a wonderful gourmet cook. She gave me a copy of a cookbook she put together for her family. The title is a true reflection of who she is. It is"Cooking is Saying I Love You." The overwhelming feeling one received from just a brief conversation with Helen is of being the recipient of overwhelming and complete love. This is something very unique and very holy - the hallmark of a special neshama.

(13)
Anonymous,
January 19, 2010 8:58 PM

Berman's dining room table

I bought the Berman's extra-long dining room table at the estate sale. I'm sure the Berman family would be happy to know that this table is used on a weekly basis to host Aish-Campus students for Shabbat meals in our home. For some of these students, it is their first time at a Shabbat meal. Recently we had friends over for a meal who became observant 15 years ago. They recognized the table as the one where they had their first Shabbat meal at the Berman's house 15 years earlier.

(12)
Bonnie Cohen,
January 19, 2010 7:45 AM

I was privileged to know your parents

Dear Berman Family,
I was privileged to have met your parents when they were in Jerusalem. Among their committment and support for Aish they were also involved in helping EYAHT - Aish HaTorah's College of Jewish Studies for Women. As a gesture of all our appreciation we would like to honor your mother by engraving her name on the Women of Valour board in EYAHT's new building. Helen, your mother, is truly an eshes chayil. Thanks Aish.com for this beautiful and inspiring article!

(11)
Pat Chacha,
January 19, 2010 5:07 AM

Thank you Bermans

Such a wonderful story of giving and blessing others. My first home 33 years ago was a condominium built by Cadillac-Fairview, in Scarborough, Ontario, Canada. I wished I had met the Berman's. This story has inspired me to continue to give and serve God and others.
Thanks again for sharing this story. May God bless the family.

(10)
linda,
January 18, 2010 7:20 PM

special people

When The Bermans' house was sold in Thornhill last year,
there was an estate sale, to find a home for many of the items amassed through the years, but no longer needed. The thing which impressed me the most, was not the large and beautiful home, nor the many items within it, but a small paper sign posted on the outside of the front door in hebrew.
It stated that unfortunately, guests would no longer be able to be welcomed on Shabbat for meals, due to circumstances(or something to this effect). Obviously, people were aware that this home was one which was always open and welcome to guests, atttested to by the extra long table and multitude of chairs which extend into both the living and dining room. That small note represented more than anything money could buy. True kindness and generousity.

(9)
Blima,
January 18, 2010 11:47 AM

excellent story

I wish that more people were like the Berman's and realized that if they were blessed with wealth they shouldn't think they are Gods gift to humanity and that money can not only be spent by spoiling oneself and living for self gratification ...I grew up penniless with a mentally ill mom and a dad who was mostly out of work while my "middle class" rich relatives did not as much acknowledge my existance ...once again this is a great story for people to learn abut GOOD TRAITS

(8)
Anonymous,
January 18, 2010 10:26 AM

That's a wonderful family may your memory be blessed!

That's a wonderful family may your memory be blessed!

(7)
mike,
January 18, 2010 3:18 AM

Very Kind People

I used to know the Bermans a little bit. What I saw was 2 wise people who used their wealth properly and gave with their entire hearts and minds. Their wealth did not block them from a relationship with HaShem, like it does so many others. They used their wealth to serve HaShem. Very pleasant people to be around. Very kind and very decent.

(6)
esther,
January 17, 2010 6:59 PM

Inspiring.

What an inspiring couple! This story makes me want to be a better person. Just goes to show that everyone has the making of a great person - if one chooses to. May our inspirations to be better people be a merit to this wonderful couple.

(5)
helen breslow,
January 17, 2010 6:13 PM

thank you for inspiring others with your extraordinary family
legacy. anyone reading this will want to run out to do chesed
and to make the world a better place. bless you!

(4)
Guy Sutton,
January 17, 2010 1:45 PM

I would love to help if needed.....

What a true blessing your parents...... If only mine and the others in the rich ole neighborhood could have been so nice, full of dr's and the such, but none as special as what you tell of. I am a caregiver/full charge, if you need ANY help you just holler, It would be an honor to schlep up there and take care of your mother, she deserves it, I could only be so wise..... and giving..... Bless you all.... Shalom, Guy

(3)
Jamie Graf,
January 17, 2010 12:56 PM

I LOVE YOU BOO AND ZAIDA!!!

♥

(2)
Doris,
January 17, 2010 8:09 AM

Real lesson to follow

Thank you so much for sharing this life story with us. If they could live that way, it's open and possible for anyone to follow the example - a great one!

(1)
Iris Moskovitz,
January 14, 2010 1:58 PM

Truly an inspirational amazing couple!

Hashem truly knew that these righteous people would do above and beyond with the wealth they were blessed with. May Mr. Berman have a lichtega Gan Eden. May Mrs. Berman be able to enjoy the time she has with her children and grandchildren. A lesson for all of us to learn from, indeed.

I live in rural Montana where the Cholov Yisrael milk is difficult to obtain and very expensive. So I drink regular milk. What is your view on this?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Jewish law requires that there be rabbinic supervision during the milking process to ensure that the milk comes from a kosher animal. In the United States, many people rely on the Department of Agriculture's regulations and controls as sufficiently stringent to fulfill the rabbinic requirement for supervision.

Most of the major Kashrut organizations in the United States rely on this as well. You will therefore find many kosher products in America certified with a 'D' next to the kosher symbol. Such products – unless otherwise specified on the label – are not Cholov Yisrael and are assumed kosher based on the DOA's guarantee.

There are many, however, do not rely on this, and will eat only dairy products that are designated as Cholov Yisrael (literally, "Jewish milk"). This is particularly true in large Jewish communities, where Cholov Yisrael is widely available.

Rabbi Moshe Feinstein wrote that under limited conditions, such as an institution which consumes a lot of milk and Cholov Yisrael is generally unavailable or especially expensive, American milk is acceptable, as the government supervision is adequate to prevent non-kosher ingredients from being added.

It should be added that the above only applies to milk itself, which is marketed as pure cow's milk. All other dairy products, such as cheeses and butter, may contain non-kosher ingredients and always require kosher certification. In addition, Rabbi Feinstein's ruling applies only in the United States, where government regulations are considered reliable. In other parts of the world, including Europe, Cholov Yisrael is a requirement.

There are additional esoteric reasons for being stringent regarding Cholov Yisrael, and because of this it is generally advisable to consume only Cholov Yisroel dairy foods.

In 1889, 800 Jews arrived in Buenos Aires, marking the birth of the modern Jewish community in Argentina. These immigrants were fleeing poverty and pogroms in Russia, and moved to Argentina because of its open door policy of immigration. By 1920, more than 150,000 Jews were living in Argentina. Juan Peron's rise to power in 1946 was an ominous sign, as he was a Nazi sympathizer with fascist leanings. Peron halted Jewish immigration to Argentina, introduced mandatory Catholic religious instruction in public schools, and allowed Argentina to become a haven for fleeing Nazis. (In 1960, Israeli agents abducted Adolf Eichmann from a Buenos Aires suburb.) Today, Argentina has the largest Jewish community in Latin America with 250,000, though terror attacks have prompted many young people to emigrate. In 1992, the Israeli Embassy in Buenos Aires was bombed, killing 32 people. In 1994, the Jewish community headquarters in Buenos Aires was bombed, killing 85 people. The perpetrators have never been apprehended.

Be aware of what situations and behaviors give you pleasure. When you feel excessively sad and cannot change your attitude, make a conscious effort to take some action that might alleviate your sadness.

If you anticipate feeling sad, prepare a list of things that might make you feel better. It could be talking to a specific enthusiastic individual, running, taking a walk in a quiet area, looking at pictures of family, listening to music, or reading inspiring words.

While our attitude is a major factor in sadness, lack of positive external situations and events play an important role in how we feel.

[If a criminal has been executed by hanging] his body may not remain suspended overnight ... because it is an insult to God (Deuteronomy 21:23).

Rashi explains that since man was created in the image of God, anything that disparages man is disparaging God as well.

Chilul Hashem, bringing disgrace to the Divine Name, is one of the greatest sins in the Torah. The opposite of chilul Hashem is kiddush Hashem, sanctifying the Divine Name. While this topic has several dimensions to it, there is a living kiddush Hashem which occurs when a Jew behaves in a manner that merits the respect and admiration of other people, who thereby respect the Torah of Israel.

What is chilul Hashem? One Talmudic author stated, "It is when I buy meat from the butcher and delay paying him" (Yoma 86a). To cause someone to say that a Torah scholar is anything less than scrupulous in meeting his obligations is to cause people to lose respect for the Torah.

Suppose someone offers us a business deal of questionable legality. Is the personal gain worth the possible dishonor that we bring not only upon ourselves, but on our nation? If our personal reputation is ours to handle in whatever way we please, shouldn't we handle the reputation of our nation and the God we represent with maximum care?

Jews have given so much, even their lives, for kiddush Hashem. Can we not forego a few dollars to avoid chilul Hashem?

Today I shall...

be scrupulous in all my transactions and relationships to avoid the possibility of bringing dishonor to my God and people.

With stories and insights,
Rabbi Twerski's new book Twerski on Machzor makes Rosh Hashanah prayers more meaningful. Click here to order...