All of your hoping and all of your searching for what?
Ask me for what am I living
and what gives me strength that I'm willing to die for?
- Switchfoot

Sunday, June 04, 2006

Clutter

My office has flooded a couple of times lately, and despite my efforts to water-proof my stuff, I accidentally left a Cokesbury shopping bag full of books on the floor. Most of my books were ok, but I lost a treasured notebook which contained (among other things) my notes from last year's Challenge Course Training.

I thought about buying a new copy right away so that I would have it for camp, and because in my grief I thought, "What if I forget about it and when I have kids I don't ever get a copy to read them?" Then I realized that this is why it was such an ordeal moving out of my apartment this week. I am a pack rat... I get it from my mom who has boxes of books in the attic to read to her grandkids (and boxes of baby clothes she can't bear to hand down). I keep all sorts of things because they have memories attached to them, but I don't think about these things until I come across them when I am cleaning my room... or moving...

Like, I seriously have a napkin from the Dough Roller in a box or journal somewhere, because it reminds me of a particular trip to Ocean City I took with some friends in middle school.

I try not to acknowledge it to myself, but I keep these things because I'm afraid I'll forget memories like that. I know this is crazy. My goal for this year was to SIMPLIFY... materially, emotionally, and spiritually. After packing up my apartment, I have to admit that I have a way to go in the remaining six months. I need to stop clinging so much to stuff, and old feelings that I relive, and stories that I am afraid to forget. That way, I can follow God at a moment's notice... without having to buy so many boxes.

3 Comments:

Well, I'm sorry you lost your notebook. I keep a lot of random stuff, too; if it gets unmanageable, I try to throw some things out, but overall I think hey, it's my life, my memories -- even if you sometimes go overboard, it's probably still worth trying to save.

I completely understand the act of keeping small, yet memorable objects. Sometimes, I go numb to the memories and throw stuff out...but then there are always the days that you are sad and depressed and those things lift you up. It's so bittersweet.