Monday, September 29, 2008

As the weekend in college football showed that there won't be easy sailing into the Mythical Championship game. Similar to last year the difference between the highest ranked and the middle of the pack isn't what it used to be. Heck somedays I think there might be more parity in College Football than in the Pros. Nonetheless all of these losses raises a question of how far to drop losers. As MJ correctly pointed out college football is like boxing (or should be) as teams raise in the ranks typically only if those in front lose. As such the question is how far to drop teams? Is it better to get blown out against top competition as UGA or tOSU did or choke against inferior competition like USC or UF did? Its a hard choice but ultimately its something pollster's need to consider as the farther a team drops the harder it is to ascend again.

My argument is that as college sports are a game of momentum and little leads can balloon into big ones that blowouts are less relevant than losses to inferior competition. Now the difficultly is determining how inferior a team is. Is Oreon State bad given that Penn State earlier blew them out or could it be that USC was over-rated with big wins over weak competition? The one critique I if somehow an SEC team won't be dropped as far as another conference given the perception that somehow the SEC is a better conference. However this a mistake as the definitions of conferences rarely include the bottom rung (especially for lets say a Mississippi team that hasn't made a bowl game since Eli). Anyone that watched Tennessee play Auburn would be hard pressed to shout SEC excellence at that affair.Mighty's College Top 51. Alabama - Best defense in the country with Mount Cody2. Oklahoma - OU's two favorite words De-Fault3. LSU - I hate-respect Les Miles4. Missouri - Toughest regular season games left KU and Texas. Soo OU v. Mizzou in Big 12 Championship again, huh?5. Penn State- HD Offense is legit

NFLJust a quick few thoughts

The Front Office at the NFL continued their reign of do as I say not as I do by fining various people for criticizing the officiating just a few weeks removed from eviscerating a referee. Also Roger Goodell was not suspended for drunk driving his boat while participating in a midget re-enactment of Caligula.

Does anyone else get the sense that the Redskins are continuing to improve every week and that should scare a lot of teams. This week they beat the crowned Best Team on Paper on their home turf. So the NFC East's worst team is 2-2. Can we just have a playoff among those 4 to determine who represents the NFC?

Does anyone know why this was Damon Huard's first start? Following KC's first win in 4 years or whatever Huard was benched in favor of a strategy to direct snap to Larry Johnson since Herm Edwards is FUCKING INSANE.

Who's worse the Rams or the Bengals with Ryan Fitzpatrick ? And for the record there are no wrong answers here

I finally realized that Tampa is winning not because Jon Gruden turns scrap heap veterans into gold but because they have an outstanding D that he has absolutely no influence over. Thank you Jon Gruden for letting Brian Billick's legacy live on

Saturday, September 27, 2008

Paul Newman passed away today at the age of 83. Its an open secret around the Mighty Mike household that Paul Newman was thought of as the best of the best. His philanthropic work would have made him a household name alone. It happens that he was one of the best actors of any age, taking on a variety of roles from hockey knucklehead, gangster, rebel without a cause, to western bank robber. He embraced auto racing to help get away from Hollywood and a way of channeling his creative juices. He was also an outspoken advocate for civil rights in an era when it was controversial. While he was showered with accolades he seemed to have never lost a humble spirit or mischievous spirit. Growing up in his hometown some of my fondest memories are oddly tied to his fathers' sporting goods store. He will be sorely missed....

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

This morning we awoke to the news that in a 1990s retro decision Trent Green is now the starter for the STL Rams. Green, pictured below being carted off the field, is famous for... hmmmm, injuries. Granted the entire state of Ohio is in a state of mourning over the play (or lack thereof) by the Bungals and the Steamers (more on that later), but the Rams are last in the league in total defense, second to last in total offense (behind before mentioned Steamers), last in rushing yards, and 27th in passing yards. This team is terrible and benching Bulgar is not the answer. The Rams have not had a decent offense line since the days of Marshall Faulk. Trent Green is being thrown to the wolves and I hope he survives the season.

In breaking news, Matt Milen was fired by Detroit. The article states: "The 0-3 start dropped Millen to 31-84 overall, giving the Lions at least 10 more losses than any other NFL team over the past seven-plus seasons." For those who are curious, here are selected draft picks of the Millen regime: Joey Harrington, Charles Rodgers, Roy Williams, Roy Rodgers, Mike Williams, and Jose Oquendo. I hear the Rams need help!!

Midwest football is in a state of total disarray. The Colts look mortal and the Bears found another way to lose last week as Griese enacted revenge upon his old team. In unrelated news, this post about the Raiders is funny.

The Toilet Bowl! This week the 0-3 Steamers face off against 0-3 Cincy. Gutsy is going with Cincy but I'm going to put it on the line this week and pick the Steamers. Romeo "the decider" told the media he would start Derek Anderson ahead of Brady Quinn. What do you think? Honestly, this is the right move. The Steamers are 0-3 (0-2 in conference), play one of the toughest schedules, and injuries rocked both lines. If Romeo's clock management skills rivaled his battle toad skills the Browns would still be 0-3. The Steamers may sneak out of this season with 6 wins but playoff? Nope. Nothing good can come from throwing Quinn to the wolves (see a pattern emerging?). Start Anderson and dump him on the trading block.

Week 4 games of note

Jesus at the Jets: Despite the media attention focused on Brett Farve, he looked lousy on Monday night versus the Chargers. Pick: Jesus

ATL at Carolina: Both teams are 2-1 and fighting for division superiority. I'm not ready to jump on the ATL band wagon... pick Carolina

Washington @ Dallas: This game will be a real test for the Skins but they do not have the talent to keep up with the high powered Cowsluts. Pick: Dallas

Philly at Chicago: Wow, the Eagles put a smackdown on the Steelers that transported this author back to smash mouth football or earlier eras. Pick: Philly

Green Bay at Tampa Bay: The Packers recover from the Cowboy game by beating TB on the road.

The battle of retro QB's continues as Gus "the TD machine" Frerotte takes the Vikings into TN for a match-up against Kerry Collins. Wow- 1990s memories anyone? Pick: TN

Finally, we will not see Ed Hochuli officiate late in the post season due to discipline by the league for his blown call Week 2. The good news is that this will give him additional time to feel the deep burn and sculpt his guns in the office.

While there certainly are more important issues on the American agenda than sports at the moment, this blog does provide the opportunity and forum to consider the implications of the intersection of the current turmoil with sports. While sports in the grand scheme of thigns unimportant they do seem to crystallize a national mood or sentiment. China was able to "feel good" about its status as a nascent super power by its dominance of the gold medal column at the Olympics. Great Britain soccer struggles (what they term "bottling it") continues to remind them of how far they've fallen. Brazil demands its sports emissaries not only win but play with the flair of the country's soul. In essence sports can reflect how the nation sees itself and where it sees itself going.

For the past 20-30 years America has been dominated by three sports: football, baseball and basketball. Football is certainly the most popular if one factors in the varieties of pro, college and high school. Baseball has the historical legacy that seem to set it apart (as the unique navel gazing the closing of the House Ruth Built demonstrated) . However I would argue basketball is the American sport. By that I mean that America considers its identity represented on the international scene through basketball. Losses for the American baseball team at the Olympics or WBC have not and will not cause the panic and soul searching that losses the basketball team produced. A loss in 1988 produced the Dream Team as the nation demanded it flex its muscles to re-establish its preeminence. The country fretted if our best, in the form of the Redeem Team, would be enough to maintain our "rightful" position of dominance. Questions of the influx of European basketball players seem to result in far more skepticism and Nativism than the influx of foreign talent into baseball. Perhaps there's a historical or a racial component that drives the salience but in the end I'd argue the US considers that its hegemony and place in the world is symbolized by being the center of the basketball world.Which is where the intersection of the economy and basketball comes into play. Basketball is quickly becoming the second biggest sport in the world. Basketball leagues in Europe and China have made leaps and bounds in quality and popularity. The threshold seems to be being reached in Europe of moving away from an exporting league to one that is starting to import more than just the NBA players that could not cut it. No different than the Brits learned that the sun sets on all things, the basketball world we will awaken to after the rubble is swept up will be a very different place. While perhaps Americans could root for an aging Lebron in Moscow or a Kobe Jr. in Beijing , this will be a painful transition as how American see themselves through the sports world is about to qualitatively change. The truly unfortunate part for this country, I doubt the US like Ozymandias, can view the end from the top.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

An early edition of Week 4 is in store because I just found some time to write. Enjoy!

Manwich Matchup of the Week & Upset of the Week

Minny @ Tenny- This is quite the interesting matchup. Both teams have already abandoned and/or lost their original QBs (Tarvaris Jackson, Vince Young) in favor of playing a more conservative game, focused on their great defenses. Both teams have young RBs. More importantly though, both coaches (Minny's Brad Childress and Tennessee's Jeff Fisher) have amazing moustaches. Which team will win? Flip a coin.Pick: Minny

Upset of the Week - See above. I can't really count Arizona over the Jets or Green Bay over Tampa as both are 1-point underdogs on the road, which really just means the games are a crapshoot.

Opening Round Playoff Game #1Cleveland @ Cincy - Calling this an "opening round playoff game" is a lot nicer than calling it "Toilet Bowl 2008." I assume the loser of this game will give up all hope of competing at 0-4. The Browns are dinged up on both lines... the Bungals still don't have an offensive line... the Browns don't know who their QB should be... the Bungals still refuse to play defense. Don't know how anyone can feel confident about picking a game.Pick: Cincy

Denver @ KC - The Broncos have already gotten two unlikely victories... at least this week the victory should be an easy one.Pick: Denver

Houston @ Jacksonville - Eeesh... the Texans really didn't look so refreshed last week. Jacksonville played their hearts out to get their first win and... and they should do the same this week. After this game we'll finally know who will stump the Matt Schaub... it's Sage Rosenfels!

San Fran @ New Orleans - Remember the old NFC West? These guys used to play twice a year.Pick: New Orleans

ATL @ CAR - See this is where Matt Ryan gets to see what it's like to be a rookie. Beating Detroit and KC is not the same as beating the other teams in the NFL.Pick: CAR

GBay @ TBay- Beating the Bears is not exactly the most telling statement in 2008. Perhaps in 2006, when we knew who we thought they were.Pick: Green Bay

Buff @ St. Louis - This just in! Trent Green is starting for the Rams! Just a few weeks ago, I was discussing with another friend the violent hit that ended Trent Green's career... until my friend told me that Trent Green was back in St. Louis. This story already didn't end well in KC or Miami, and I see no reason for things to change this weekend.Pick: Buffalo

San Diego @ Oakland - Last week was classic 21st-century Raiders football: Giving hope to its fans and then crushing it.Pick: San Diego

Washington @ Dallas - This could be a dangerous game for the Cowboys as it's a rivalry game and the Redskins have actually been playing fairly well of late after their lackluster week 1 loss to the Giants.Pick: Dallas by a nose

Philly @ Chicago - It looks like McNabb will play, but Westbrook is more of a question mark. I think the Eagles should be fine either way.Pick: Philly

Baltimore @ Pittsburgh - Still too early to hop on the Ravens bandwagon... beating the Bungals and an injury-depleted, cursed Browns team does not really say much. The Browns and the Eagles have gotten to Roethlisberger the last two weeks and dinged him up a bit, which could prove to be the only way that Baltimore and Cobra would become victorious. Something tells me the Steelers will find a way, even if Leftwich has to play.Pick: Pittsburgh

Last Week: 10-6Season: 29-18Manwich: 2-1 (Dallas won again!)Upset of the Week: 1-2 (The Texans looked pretty flat after their bye week)

Monday, September 22, 2008

NFLObviously only coming from the mind of a Cleveland could parallels be drawn between the US economy and the Cleveland Browns. The Browns, a team built on fluff, smoke and mirrors, are crashing to the earth. The trendy pick and winner of 5 day time emmy's (prime time viewing) meant there were expectations that at least they'd be enjoyable to watch. However after a schlacking at the hands of team led by a QB that a few months ago was playing Division II ball/water boy you can say that already say they're playoff hopes are dangling by a thread. Luck on injuries ran out but fundamentally a coach and a QB finally are being exposed for frauds. Luckily much like the US economy, the Browns are not alone in implosion. The Patrios defense was crushed into a fine paste repeatedly by a gimmick play, Indy is limping along, and New Orleans seems to evolving into Carolina (a team with potential but constantly underperforming).

So who's the surprise winner? Dallas is by far the best team at the moment in the league. Buffalo appears to be one of those teams that might get into the playoffs with a weak schedule and I'm shocked to say this but Atlanta is rapidly turning into a contender for the NFC South. If Ryan continues to play like this I promise a series of Mea Culpas on him. Nonetheless on the brightside I look forward to not being able to watch the Browns given the rolling blackouts and cholrea epidemics that are coming....

College FootballIts an SEC and Big 12 world, we just live in it. For the second week 8 of the top 10 teams in the polls are from the Big 12 or SEC. While there's no particular reason to justify or not justify cupcake wins, perception is reality. Eventually losses will pile up in the two conferences (continuing this week with Georgia v. Alabama) and its curious to see how the balance of power in the minds of voters goes between these two conferences. Its possible that USC will do its yearly choke randomly against an opponent that shouldn't even be on the same field with them but if its not look for a big dog fight among the kings of college football.

In Big 10 country the OSU rebuilding program opens the conference for a number of teams with diverse skill sets. Wisconsin's punishing running game, Penn State's HD offense, Michigan State's balanced hard nosed approached, OSU's golden child (did you know Pryor not only threw 4 TDs but cured several bases of blindness on Saturday), and Illinois' spread all have legitimate shots. Onwards to conference play which starts this week.....

Quick HuzzahTo US Ryder finally getting a win. I didn't watch much or know what it means but I enjoy native son, Ben Curtis doing well

More thoughts on what the 4 Horseman of the Apocalypse means for basketball (one can only hope dragging the Celtics back hell after their Faustian bargain) later this week....

Sunday, September 21, 2008

A great era in baseball ends tonight. It is not the prettiest park; the food isn't anything special; and the surrounding neighborhood stinks. But no other place has been host to more memorable and important moments in baseball than The House That Ruth Built - it's not even close. As anyone who has been there can attest (and I am among the fortunate visitors), there is an unmistakable awe and power within its walls. No matter what happens in the new ballpark across the street, that feeling will never be replicated anywhere else again.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Somedays you eat the bar and well somedays the bar eats you. Unfortunately these days the bar is big and its appetite is at Rosie O'Donnell levels. The news out their is grim. Stock markets holding out for bailouts (viva capitalism!). Tom Brady injured. Sweatervests being burned in effigy in Ohio. Sheriff murdered! Innocent women and children blown to bits! We have to protect our phoney baloney jobs here, gentlemen! We must do something about this immediately! Immediately! Immediately! Harrumph! Harrumph! Harrumph!

File photo of Mighty Mike handling the news well

So how can we turn things around? I (as always) have a few suggestions....1) Go To VegasVegas baby vegas. I think that phrase hasn't been sold to China. Nonetheless from what I've been told Vegas is the ultimate adult playground where you can bet, drink or screw on just about anything. In fact I understand the Colonel once bet that a singing bear couldn't do a shot while wearing a diaper and building a small barn only using a handful of screws and bottle of Oregano. They were good odds. Now the question could be raised how does eating at In and Out Burgers before betting it all on black at 5:00 am help anything? My general feeling is that under these scenarios its best to repress. Ignore the problems. Are we not strong enough as sports fans and citizens of the country formerly known as the US to ignore the problem? I say yes.

2) Put Nick Saban in Charge of Something

Look for many many years I've been at the forefront of the Nick Saban is douchebag club. I've said he'd stab you in the back for a free popscile. I've said he'd eat his own young to show that he would. I've said that given the choice between right or wrong, good and bad, Superman and Braniac Nick Saban would inevitably side with the forces of evil. Which is why I'm switching and saying put him in charge of something. Anything. Saban will stop at nothing, nothing to fix whats wrong. No law of man or Odin would keep Saban from achieving his goals. You don't use harsh language to stop a train crash. You use an unstoppable Juggernaut. And worse comes to worse if Saban doesn't fix things its not like he'd immediately bail and leave for better pastures ..oh wait.

3) Drink - Less expensive version of Vegas. MJ, under the affect of alcohol, once bet a stop sign that he could drink himself unconcious at a bar via whiskey. Everyone else enjoyed it as did the stop sign that was given $100 dollars at the end of the evening.

anyway an abbreviated cheers and Jeers....Cheers To new terminology. The Great Depression introduced all sorts of great terms like Hoovervilles, Hoover Hogs, The Hoover. The recessions of the 1970s introduced great terms like stagflation, OPEC and Undercarriage. I feel strongly that new words will come out of the oncoming train wreck.

Jeers To Joey Porter. Talking smack on the Patrios. Why is he still playing? Don't we have places to stick horribly undesirable people? Like Alaska.

Cheers: To rejoining the 20th century. After 4 days living in the 19th century, its nice to rejoin the 20th century as the power is back here in the Heart of It All. (note as there's gas in my car and zombie hordes aren't attacking me I consider my current lifestyle 20th century not 21st)

Jeers: I feel like there's been a lot of lecturing going on about why the Rays story isn't being covered enough or more fans should appreciate them or blah blah blah. Fuck the Rays. If you keep saying pay attention, the reason might not be that everyone isn't appreciating it, its that nobody fucking cares. Stop lecturing me on how to be a fan.

And your Cheers and Jeers gal of the week Alexis Bledel (since after MJ's posting we needed a more wholesome person)

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

The whole economy almost fell apart this past week. Without getting into specifics, I think the only bright side to this whole situation is that we can brag about the fact that each of us are now minority owners of AIG.

As things appear to have hit rock bottom, you have to remember that things could be worse... like if you were the Seattle Seahawks and you were missing your top SIX wide receivers. 1) Deion Branch is returning at some unknown time, 2) Bobby Engram is returning in the middle of the season, 3) Ben Obomanu broke a clavicle during the last preseason game of the year, 4) Nate Burleson started week 1... and tore an ACL, 5) Seneca Wallace, the QB, was slated to start at WR during week 2 but pulled a calf muscle during warmups and is out one month, 6) Logan Payne was the other starter for week 2... and tore an MCL !

Manwich MatchupDallas @ GB - As voted on by the people (1 vote by Publius), this is the Manwich Matchup. It's a rather difficult game to forecast at this point as I can't tell you what Dallas and Green Bay are really capable of, other than a crazy insane shootout.Pick: Dallas

Upset of the WeekHouston @ Tennessee - I still don't know what to make of the Texans... they had 2 weeks to correct their problems from their opener against the Steelers, but I have no idea if that's enough time. Last season, the Texans narrowly lost to the Titans twice... which would have been enough to propel the Texans to 10-6 and possibly a playoff berth. Let's hope the Texans are hungry for some revenge.Pick: Houston

Oakland @ Buffalo - The Bills must be loving the schedule right now! They've already played injury-depleted Seattle and Jacksonville... and now they get Oakland then St. Louis next weekend! Buffalo @ Arizona in October could have huge Super Bowl ramifications.Pick: Buffalo

Cincy @ Giants - The Bungals are back indeed! It all went downhill so fast.Pick: Giants

Arizona @ Washington - Intriguing stuff here... Publius believes that all will kneel before Zorn. I just think one cannot underestimate the power of Kurt Warner's love for Jesus.Pick: Arizona

Miami @ New England - It would be funny if the Patriots streak came to a crashing end against the Dolphins.Pick: New England

CAR @ Minny - Who in the world created this schedule for the Panthers? First, they beat the Chargers, then they somehow survive Chicago, and now they get pre-season darling Minny... who already has thrown their starter under the bus that is Gus Frerotte. This is now Frerotte's 8th different stop in his amazing NFL Career. Little known fact: Gus made the Pro Bowl back in 1996, despite only throwing 12 TDs! I have to assume he was an injury replacement. Regardless, from now on, he will always be known to me as "Pro Bowler Gus Frerotte."Pick: CAR

St. Louis @ Seattle - Here comes the strangest toilet bowl game ever. The Seahawks are missing their top 6 receivers and went out and found Koren Robinson in half-decent shape and Keary Colbert hanging out in Denver. Yet, despite all this... the Seahawks are still 9 point favorites against the even more pathetic Rams!Pick: Seattle

Detroit @ San Fran - Does Steve Mariucci get to toss out the coin before the game starts? I hope so.Pick: San Fran

New Orleans @ Denver - Yes! A third straight offensive explosion is going to happen for the Broncos. It's going to be a wild ride for these guys this season it seems.Pick: Denver

Pitt @ Philly - Bragging rights are on the line. I wonder why these two play each other in election years? In 2004, the Steelers crushed the Eagles and the state of Pennsylvania went on to vote for the Democrats in the election. Clearly, there must be some casual connection in all this.Pick: Philly

Jacksonville @ Indy - Two banged up teams get to play each other. The Jags would appear to be desperate, but I really think it's impossible for them to force their will on anyone at this point w/o their normal O-linemen.Pick: Indy

Cleveland @ Baltimore - I'll be honest... I haven't given up hope on the Browns winning 7 or 8 games. The Browns look like dog doo so far, but it's been against superior competition. Cobra, Serpentor, or whoever is running the Ravens does not have the right amount of diabolical weapons of mass destruction to thwart the Browns during their desperate week.Pick: Cleveland

Jets @ San Diego - Well... I have to think THIS is the week the Chargers record their long overdue 1st win.Pick: San Diego

Last Week: 10-5Season: 19-12Manwich: 1-1 (Dallas won the crazy shootout)Upset of the Week: 1-1 (The Bills are kicking butt and taking names)

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Damn, my body is hot. The off-season workouts and punishing the NFL rules committee has really improved my guns. Unfortunately, the committee did not accept the paddling for 15 yards penalty but I am optimistic for the future.

I am ready for the NFL season and the dry cleaner shrunk my zebra outfit to a skin tight fit. What? Cutler fumbled? Damn, I'm going to head lock the rules committee for the empty hand moving forward doctrine.

NFL- The NFC East is back. Last night's MNF game proved very little about the Cowboys. Many sports fans picked Dallas to win the NFC East but the Eagles showed a potent offense that can score points with deep threats. I do not remember the last time the Eagles had a real deep threat. Granted the deep threat needs to STOP celebrating before he reaches the end zone but hey... rookie mistake right?

Looking ahead, the Eagles have the 2-0 Steelers in town next week. Last night, the Eagles line gave McNabb time and his health is the key for the continued Eagles resurgence. The Steelers blitz packages will provide another early season test for the line. Pick: Eagles

2-0 Dallas at 2-0 Green Bay: Gutsy, this should be the manwich. Pick GB

1-1 Jets at 0-2 Whale's Vagina: I am curious to see how San Diego responds to the blown call last week. Pick SD

NCAA Football: No joy, electricity, or ability to hold the football in the Big Ten this weekend. The Wolverines currently have the longest streak of winning seasons (40, 1968-present) and bowl games (33, 1975-present) and both streaks are in jeopardy. Last week the Maze and Blue turned the ball over 6 times vs. ND. Ugly. Granted the team is young but the rain impacts both teams and ND did NOT turn the ball over 6 times.

Last year, I beat up OSU QB Todd Boeckman on this blog prior to the clash of Michigan and Ohio State but the staunch OSU defense anchored by the arms of Gholston and the running attack managed to hide this problem. We saw the problem at USC.

Editors Note: Watch out for Oklahoma. Their schedule is far easier (minus Red River classic versus Texas) than Georgia in the fight for the #2 position behind USC.

That is sufficient rambling for one morning. I'll be back with asinine analysis, douchebaggery, and taunting later this week.

Monday, September 15, 2008

Due to “hurricane-like winds” in the Columbus, OH area, the Back Seat Drivers newsroom was left without power for several hours yesterday and today. As a result, Mighty Mike has deputized me to offer this week’s MMBSD commentary:

NCAA Highlights (Saturday):

Notre Dame beat Michigan in a sloppy game where inclement weather and a UM team lacking impact talent resulted in six Wolverines turnovers. Notre Dame finally scored its first big win for Charlie Weis since his first season on the job and the loss only highlights how much work Michigan has in front of it if they want to restore their program to an elite level. The only other highlight of this game was highlighted by Colonel Sanders, where UM gave life to the old saying of, “If you can’t beat ‘em, injure their morbidly obese coach!”

USC smoked Ohio State and solidified their grip on their #1 national ranking. This game showed two things: first, that QB Todd Boekman’s talent ceiling has been reached and is no longer necessarily the best quarterback on the Buckeye roster, and second, that until Ohio State can stop shooting itself in the foot with dumb penalties, they’ll have a hard time beating the really great college teams from outside their conference. This loss has major negative implications for both the Buckeyes and the Big 10 Conference from a national title perspective so now all OSU can do is play for pride, another Big 10 Conference title, and a Rose Bowl bid.

NFL Highlights (Sunday):

The Big Brother New England Patriots once again beat the Little Brother New York Jets in a tame and quite dull 19-10 game. Much was made of the Jets having a golden opportunity to wrest AFC East supremacy away from the Patriots once Tom Brady went down. When you consider that the Jets brought in Brett Favre to win these types of games, yesterday’s result has to be viewed as a major disappointment for Jets fans. Matt Cassel, starting his first game since high school, was efficient but wasn’t asked to do very much. Based on yesterday’s game, the Patriots should not be overconfident in Cassel’s abilities. After all, the Jets couldn’t capitalize on their opportunties and aren’t an elite opponent.

The San Diego Chargers fell to 0-2, after a controversial loss to the Denver Broncos. With victories against the Raiders and Chargers, and with QB Jay Cutler looking sharp and poised, the Broncos are in good position in the AFC West. The Chargers, on the other hand, have looked terrible in their two defeats. While there is no reason to believe that they can’t recover to make the playoffs, one wonders if two bad losses to start the season doesn’t begin to take its toll on a team with a reputation for being soft.

Baseball Rant (unsolicited, unsanctioned, and unrelated):

Carlos Zambrano threw a 110-pitch, 10 strikeout no-hitter against the Houston Astros last night. As much as any no-hitter is a noteworthy story, the really interesting fact about this game was that it was played in Miller Park (Milwaukee, WI), making it the first no-hitter thrown “in a neutral site.” I put “neutral site” in quotes because I find it laughable that anyone would consider Milwaukee, WI a neutral site when Chicago is 92 miles away.

Houston Astros manager Cecil Cooper also took exception with the choice of venue, and I can’t say that I blame him. If Hurricane Ike forced the relocation of this three-game series from Houston to a safer, dryer location, why not consider alternatives to Milwaukee? How about Tampa (domed stadium, 983 miles), Minneapolis (domed stadium, 1,178 miles), or Toronto (domed stadium, 1,626 miles)? How is Milwaukee (1,220 miles) a more suitable location?

Hurricanes and other natural disasters will happen from time to time. Everyone remembers the beginning of the 2007 season when the Cleveland Indians were snowed out and had to make up those games at Miller Park. That location made sense: Milwaukee’s Miller Park was a domed stadium whose occupant played in the National League and was in close proximity to Cleveland. Such a location afforded both safe haven from the elements and a true “neutral site” locale for both teams. Last night? Not so much. And while I won’t go so far as to accuse Commissioner Selig of blatant favoritism – although the Selig/Milwaukee connection did cross my mind – I will say that, once again, Major League Baseball had the chance to do something right and instead did something expedient.

Finally, I leave you with the Girl of The Week for Week 2, Padma Lakshmi.

Saturday, September 13, 2008

It looks like the best part of the University of Michigan's season was taking out Pizza the Hutt. Now could the Sweatervest and the Buckeye Nation do something this grand?? The fat slob will now be on crutches all season. This most definately will be the highlight of my season. Now Weis joins Brady on the ACL, MCL kick. I am sure Bill Simmons is practicing somewhere by jumping down his stairs to try to tear one of the ligaments in his knee to be like his butt buddies.

Friday, September 12, 2008

Well here at Cheers and Jeers we have built up a nice following. As such Erin Andrews decided to stop by to ask a few questions.

Mighty Mike, as the OSU alum at BSD, how are you feeling about the upcoming USC v. tOSU?A lot of people are predicting a beatdown for your beloved Buckeyes.

In the words of Tom Cruise, to all the haters why don't you take a big step back and go fuck yourself. Now that I got out of my system look you have a college team traveling across times zones with their star player hurt, a coaching staff that has contracted Lloyd Carr disease (predictable play calling and inability to make adjustments) and a QB that couldn't find an opening with a road map, flashlight and his girlfriend lying naked in front of him (oops, sorry honey wrong hole again). On the other side you have a team 37-1 in last 38 games at home with a coach that sits on top of the most populous state and finds 5 star recruits like Hugh Hefner finds panties. What do you think is going to happen? George Custer Tressel will walk over the hill and get massacred. Mark May will take his head out of the SEC's ass to have a funeral for the Big 10. Herbie will be "shocked" at how awful the Big 10/OSU are as he ups his level of self-loathing to Liebermanesque levels. Somewhere along the line college football pundits and USC/SEC fans adopted the Bill Simmons school of fandom (but the Celtics are the greatest team EVAH. How can you not not only bow down to them but actively root for them?). Sorry not rooting for the University of Spoiled Children or for universities based in states were if your able to poke your eye with a stick you can get a high school diploma. Fuck them. I'd rather root for the Buckeyes. Umm can I say fuck on this network?

Yes. If your team is going to get beat can you at least take some pleasure in the Michigan v. Notre Dame game?

No. I will absolutely take no pleasure in watching the Cripple Fight Bowl. Blind monkeys flinging poo will exhibit more offensive execution.But both are getting better and in few years will be competitive

Well then I maybe I can enjoy that game in this mythical future from the floating city of New New York. In the meantime this game will blow. The only thing interesting is to see who will win the halftime douchebag off between Rodriguez and Weis (winner gets to face Nick Saban)

Speaking of Nick Saban after Clemson's devastating loss, Coach Bowden called Nick Saban for advice. Any thoughts on this?

What Tommy Bowden didn't turn to his dad for coaching advice? I'm shocked. Asking for Nick Saban for help on football is like asking Lyndsey Lohan on advice on how to get over your Coke Orgy addiction. Sure they're experts but why would you think they'd be willing to help? You seem to be having some frustration issues. I understand that you know a little something about politics. Any thoughts on the Sarah Palin phenomenon?

I assume its one of those inside great practical jokes. McCain was sitting around thinking, "you know I bet I could put out a person that charged women for rape kits as someone who champions women's issues and have people believe it". Honestly the only way to top this current joke is if he could conduct the next week of the campaign with his dick on Charlie Gibson's head and nobody notice. What's the number one issue you feel is confronting the country?

Obviously its how this country plans to deal with clown attacks. For too long clowns have hunted our loved ones, hurt our economy, and used up our precious supply of balloon animals. What do the candidates plan to do to take the fight to the Clown homeland? I haven't heard a satisfactory answer yet.

A namely blogger linked you to C&J girl Samantha Harris? Any truth to this rumor?

I try not to talk about my personal life on the blog. Sorry. I will only say she's surprisingly knowledgeable about the importance of the Rain Forest as a potential source of carbon buryingWell thank you taking the time for this interview

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Usually, as in last season, I advocated NOT freaking out after week 1. This season? I am advocating that we should all freak out, and re-evaluate lots of things in the NFL. I'm going to pick and choose, but here are some facts which are going to guide me this week:

1) The Indianapolis Colts cannot function properly without Center Jeff Saturday and without Peyton Manning feeling 100%2) The Jacksonville Jaguars are missing DL Marcus Stroud (who left via free agency), as well as BOTH STARTING GUARDS, who were injured last week. It's time to freak out!3) The New England Patriots could quite possibly have a downgrade at the QB position, considering that Matt Cassell has not started a game since 1999, when he was 18 years old and was a senior in high school.4) If I would have drafted an all-rookie team in fantasy, that would have been the best decision in week 1. I don't think there has ever been a Week 1 for rookies like this past week. There already have been two 100-yard receivers (DeSean Jackson, Eddie Royal), and a number of rookie RB contributors (Kevin Smith, Chris Johnson, Matt Forte, Felix Jones), and even winning rookie QBs (Matt Ryan, Joe Flacco).

With these new facts to guide me, I will try to recover from last week's poor picks.

Manwich MatchupPhilly @ Dallas - Monday night really chose a good game this time! Both teams are coming off big victories, but Philly only beat a 2nd-rate team (Rams), so I have to assume Dallas has the edge.Pick: Dallas

Upset of the WeekBuffalo @ Jacksonville - Seriously, there's no reason to believe that the Jags are going to be able to figure out how to run the ball this week (or pass protect) when they have to use two backup guards on the line. Plus... no one circles the wagons like the Buffalo Bills!Pick: Buffalo

Oakland @ KC - I only saw highlights of the Monday Night massacre of the Raiders. Rookie WR Eddie Royal embarrassed All-Pro DeAngelo Hall repeatedly. What scares me to no end? I still can't tell if Eddie Royal is a top-5 WR, or DeAngelo Hall is just completely out of shape.Pick: KC

Tennessee @ Cincy - Vince Young is injured and depressed. Honestly... sports players should be told to EXPECT the fans to boo them at some point... that's how the system works. The public pays millions of dollars for the RIGHT to boo their players.Pick: Tennessee

Indy @ Minny - Still not really sure how one is supposed to trust QB Tarvaris Jackson, but I do know that the Indy D-line let Rookie RB Matt Forte (Bears) run wild last week, and I have to expect that Adrian Peterson will do the same this week. This analysis is bolstered even more by the fact that the Colts decided to waive their starting D-lineman, Ed Johnson, who got arrested for drug possession.Pick: Minny

New Orleans @ Washington- The Saints just found out that WR Colston will be out for 4-6 weeks. It's not a good situation... but I think they should have enough firepower to outlast the Redskins who are coached by Zorn.Pick: Saints

Green Bay @ Detroit - I just wish the Lions would do something extraordinary so I could have something fun to say. Like... bring back Wayne Fontes. Wayne Fontes is the leader in wins AND losses for the Lions. Which basically means, you can justify hiring him in a rebuilding situation OR if you think you can shoot for a 9-7 wild card spot.Pick: Green Bay

Chicago @ CAR - Amongst all the other headlines this past week... CAR beat San Diego! That was the biggest upset in my book. Even bigger than Chicago over Indy because San Diego really didn't have many excuses. I will scream if someone even mentions Merriman as an excuse, because they clearly knew that he would not be effective. Anyways, what does this mean for CAR??? I am not really sure, other than that the winner of this game will be the biggest 2-0 enigma in the league.Pick: CAR

Giants @ St. Louis - This is not even fair.Pick: Giants

Atlanta @ Tampa - Brian Griese is starting for Tampa. I have no idea how this will affect the game. What I do know is that Michael Turner is on a quest for 10 yards per carry for the entire season. Of course, extrapolating stats off of one game versus the Lions would probably result in the entire record books to be rewritten.Pick: Tampa

Miami @ Arizona - The Kurt Warner career kind of reminds me of ska music. It was wildly successful for a small amount of time, but it now seems like a novelty whenever you hear ska music, or whenever you see Kurt Warner play.Pick: Arizona

New England @ Jets- The oddsmakers have the Jets as the favorites at this moment. Though Matt Cassel is starting with almost no experience, I am going to go against the grain and pick the Pats, only because I don't like to rely on Brett Favre and the burden of the Madden curse that he carries.Pick: New England

Baltimore @ Houston - I hope the Texans can figure things out this week. Even though they got destroyed by the Steelers last week, their division is suddenly wide-open due to injuries (Jags O-line, Colts O-line), drug arrests (Colts D-line), and insanity (Titans QB).Pick: Houston

San Diego @ Denver - This matchup should be very exciting. Of course, any excitement for the potential of the Broncos should be reduced due to the fact that they were playing the Raiders.Pick: San Diego

Pittsburgh @ Cleveland - I watched the Browns game last weekend unfortunately. The Browns tried a CB Blitz early on, and the CB ran right into an O-lineman, and Romo threw right to the open WR for a 15-yard gain. After that happened, I swear the Browns went into "prevent" defense for the rest of the game, they only rushed 3 or 4 players, dropped everyone else into a soft zone, and allowed Romo to pick them apart slowly, painfully, and repeatedly the rest of the game. On the positive side, it was the first time I had seen a "prevent" defense used for 45 minutes in one game.Pick: Pittsburgh

Last Week: 9-7Season: 9-7Manwich: 0-1 (Minnesota fell short)Upset of the Week: 0-1 (Coach Zorn gave me a brain slug. He made me choose his team for the Upset of the Week)

Tuesday, September 09, 2008

Last week I discussed how violence is necessary in airports (even if your in the white zone). This week we're discussing usage of force in regards to ninjas. The video below shows when violence is ok

1) If your Bruce Lee- I would want to watch Bruce Lee beating up a bunch of orphaned puppies. Everything he does is awesome. From the one inch punch to his defeat of a dragon to foray into quantum mechanics (The Lee Uncertainty Principal later renamed Heisenberg Uncertainty Principal to decrease the fear factor)

2) If your attacked by a lot of ninjas, dojo students, or weird guys in robes - Usage of violence is always ok in self-defense, especially if there's like 20 dudes attacking you.

3) Nunchucks - According to the Supreme Court nunchucks rule. As such if someone comes onto your property usage of nunchucks is totally legal. Its why I always sleep with nunchucks under my pillow

Monday, September 08, 2008

In Federer's "down" year of 2008, he only managed to make the semis at the Aussie Open, lose in the Finals at the French, barely lose in the Finals at Wimbledon... and win the US Open. Just wait until next year, when he's not dealing with the after-effects of mononucleosis!

Sunday, September 07, 2008

Not that much can learned from just week 1 in the NFL. Its uncertain who is overachieving, who is underachieving, and which matchups produced the outcomes. That said there’s no reason not to highlight ups, down and surprises.

Not surprising was Philly’s manhandling of world’s dumbest coach Scott Linehan (every season needs a guy that should have been fired years ago. Linehan is this season’s). Or Dallas’ mauling of the inept Browns (typically you need to pressure a QB guys to have a shot at winning)

Umm where did that come from?

Buffalo over Seattle falls into this category. Buffalo controlled both lines and the game was never in question. Now its uncertain if Seattle is as bad as they look or Buffalo as good but both trends bare watching.

Atlanta over Detroit also does. While Detroit never exactly inspires confidence in being a winner, a number of us wondered if Matt Ryan was up the task. While not Marinoesque Ryan made plays, avoided mistakes and seems a huge upgrade over last year. Perhaps he was the right choice?

Baltimore over Cinci. I’ll just note the Bungals are back and leave it at that.

Season Changer

I’m guessing by the time you all are reading this the diagnosis on Tom Brady will be public but it seems doubtful he’ll back this year. The Pats, the favorites to win the Super Bowl, will now struggle to win their division. Belichek’s uber-genius will be strained to keep them winners.

College Football

Those that aren’t following Eastern Carolina are on notice. They ended West Virginia’s hopes of going to the BCS Championship and are now in a position to make their own BCS bowl big run.

Penn State’s win over Oregon State I doubt will get the headlines or any sort of feather in the Big 10 cap. That duty falls to the tOSU as the Conference standard bearer. Tressel’s mojo seems to have slowly been leaking out since Florida stole it while Pete Carroll dances on water. Meanwhile the rebuilding team up North faces Weis the Hutt. Two losses on the same day send the Big 10 down the rabbit hole (and not in a good way).

Thursday, September 04, 2008

Week 1 in the modern era of the NFL has been all about completely shocking everyone or alternatively, proving that no one can predict how the teams will fare at the start of the season.Personally, I can't remember such a strange slate of opening games where so many of the games can go either way.

Manwich Matchup of the WeekMinny @ Green Bay - Another great "statement game" on Week 1 of the NFL season. Who will make the statement though? Minny or Greenie?Pick: MinnyUpset of the WeekRedskins @ Giants- I think the Giants should just party all season like its 1999, because on the field it does not look too good.Editor's Note: Not sure why the Giants are 4-point favorites, I suppose it's because they are the defending champions.Pick: Redskins

Cincy @ Baltimore- Apparently, Joe Flacco is the starting QB for Baltimore... but mainly because Kyle Boller is severely injured and Troy Smith is very injured.pick: Cincy

Jets @ Miami- I guess Favre can win this game. I am expecting the Madden Curse to strike in Week 9 when the Jets visit BuffaloPick: jets

KC @ New England -It's a shame the Patriots have such an easy schedule.Pick: new England

Houston @ Pitt- Did anyone else notice what happened over the weekend? The Moustache, Dave Wannstedt, was coaching a RANKED Pitt team... but already lost their opener to Bowling Green!Pck: Pitt

Jacksonville @ Tennessee- The Jags need to make quick work of the Titans if they want to finally win a division title.Pick: jacksonville

Detroit @ Atlanta- Too bad Joey Harrington got cut last week... he was so close to appearing in a "revenge game."Pick: Detroit

Seattle @ Buffalo- Nobody circle the wagons like the Buffalo Bills... especially when the other team is all dinged up.Pick: Buffalo

Tampa @ New Orleans - Talk about a statement game for week 1! The Saints, vast underperformers of 2007, get to take on the league's biggest overachievers from 2007. I smell double-digit ass-kicking.Pick: Saints

St. Louis @ Philly- Yawn.Pick: Philly

Dallas @ Cleveland - Too bad the Browns are all injured before the season even begins.Pick: Dallas

CAR @ San Diego - I've come full circle on team CAR; I don't trust them in any situation anymore.Pick: San Diego

Arizona @ San Fran - Yawn.Pick: Arizona

Chicago @ Indy - It's a rematch of the 2006 Super Bowl!Pick: Indy

Denver @ Oakland - WR Javon Walker already gets a "revenge" game! Too bad he's probably lost a step.Pick: DenverPast Years - I'm good in the odd years, just like the San Antonio Spurs2004 – 150-106Manwich Matchup: 7-11Upset Special: 7-9

Just a brief baseball note to “congratulate” the 2008 Seattle Mariners and Pittsburgh Pirates for being the first AL and NL team, respectively, to be mathematically eliminated from playoff contention. Yet another season of futility for the Pirates. What else is new? And for the Mariners...well, let’s just say the season ended as no surprise.

The future is dim for both ballclubs. Good; that’ll make handicapping 2009 easier by two teams.

*To the UM fans out there: don’t read anything into this headline. I’m only picking on the Bucs and M’s, not the Wolverines^.

You can’t do much to make Knicks fans happy these days...unless you kill two birds with one stone.

Thanks to this move, the Disgrace on Seventh Avenue (my new name for the Knicks for the rest of the year; DoSA* for short) dumped the worst draft pick in franchise history and brought back the son of the greatest player in franchise history.

For those who’ve forgotten who the worst draft pick in DoSA’s franchise history is, just watch this video.

*Just like “FTB” last year, DoSA will accompany all of my basketball-related posts. I hate Donnie Walsh and I hate Mike D’Antoni. I long for the day when the Knicks are sold to sensible ownership.

Wednesday, September 03, 2008

Thank goodness football is back. Throughout the year I'll be recording other places you can legally use necessary violence. In this case the airport. There are several reasons for violence in airports both legal (dating back to Marbury v. Madison) and moral (its a little known fact Plutarch discussed the moral reasons it was ok why he karate chopped a young Martin Luther on the infamous dispute over an Aunt Annie's pretzel). Also as seen in the much publicized video "beating up proselytizers, your obligation" its totally fine to tiger claw a Jew for Jesus

Tuesday, September 02, 2008

You want to check out past previews which were incorrect? There's 2007 [New England over New Orleans], 2006 [Indy over Giants], 2005 [CAR over Indy], and 2004 [??? - apparently no longer on the internet] all waiting to be laughed at.

On to the preview...

AFC East1-New England - Even if Tom Brady is dinged up, they still should sleepwalk their way through the season, lose a few games just to not deal with the hype of an undefeated season.5-Buffalo - Buffalo is the team to watch, in my biased opinion. Look, they should get 4 wins in the division (Miami and the Jets), at least 3 wins from the NFC West, a good chance at another 3 wins from the AFC West (Kansas City, Oakland, and maybe Denver)... and then if they beat either Cleveland or Seattle... that's 11 wins! They have a young defense that added D-Lineman Marcus Stroud, which should be enough defense to get to 10 or 11 wins and get the Bills into the playoffs!NY Jets - Brett Favre going to the Jets is like when Ted Danson tried to make a return to TV comedy in 2006 on a show called "Help Me Help You." No one will remember Ted Danson for that failed experiment just like no one will remmber that Favre was on the Jets or that Joe Montana was once on the Kansas City Chiefs.Miami - Yeah... not going to worry about these guys until next year. I hope Ricky Williams does well and waits until after the season to start partying.

AFC North4-Pittsburgh - It's only going to take 9 wins to win this division, what with this division drawing the AFC South (Indy, Jacksonville, Tenn, Hou) and NFC East (Dallas, Giants, Washington, Philly) which ALL finished over .500.Cleveland - with the murderous schedule, I really think it's possible for the Browns to play better than last year's 10-6 miracle... yet finish with only 8 wins. The 2009 season will bring the playoffs, or heads will roll.Cincy - The Countdown until Marvin Lewis gets fired in December begins now.Baltimore - The show GI Joe was just not as successful in my mind when Cobra Commander left and Serpentor took over. I have a feeling Coach Billick (aka Cobra Commander) is trying to come up with a plan right now to take over his old office.

AFC South3-Indy- Yawn... it just seems like the regular season won't mean much for these guys as it all comes down to the playoffs and you never know with them when they will get upset or when they will go on a run.6-Jacksonville - It stinks that they can't get a top-4 seed. Let's start a movement to change the rules.Houston - Go Matt Schaub!Tennessee - I really despise these guys. They stunk all season, as did Vince Young, yet somehow made the playoffs. I hope they do awful this season. No, I'm not bitter.

AFC West2- San Diego - Before Merriman went down, I really thought this would be Phillip Rivers' turn to win the Super Bowl, after fellow draftees Roethlisberger & Eli Manning had already become champions. I think Rivers will have to wait one more season.Denver - I'm still not sure which RBs they are using this year. Oakland - Seeing McFadden in the pros should be exciting, but I'm not sure how durable he is.KC - Their new o-line can't be any worse than last year, but it still probably won't be very good.

NFC East1-Dallas - They are loaded and ready to go on a run!6- Philly - One more playoff push for Donovan McNabb!Washington -Zorn!!!!NY Giants - Take away their 2007 strength (D-linemen) and they won't be able to avoid the cellar in their brutal division.

NFC North2-Minnesota - If the defense is as good as it is hyped, QB Tavaris Jackson will only have to reach a Trent Dilfer level of competency5- Green Bay - The Packers could be like the show News Radio when they tried to replace Phil Hartman [aka Brett Favre] with Jon Lovitz [Aaron Rodgers] and moderately failed. Of course, Aaron Rodgers may not even be as good as Jon Lovitz, in which case the Packers probably won't make the playoffs.Chicago - "Kyle Orton Hears a Who" is the starter? Really?Detroit - Um... yeah.

NFC South3- New Orleans - The Saints are back! Again!TB - No idea.CAR - Why should anyone believe in Delhomme after Tommy John surgery?ATL - This team could turn out to be like the show Growing Pains. It's entirely possible that RB Michael Turner is that relatively established star (a la Alan Thicke) who gets added to a young, new cast and starts to make magic happen. The real question is whether rookie QB Matt Ryan can be as good as Kirk Cameron.

NFC West4-Seattle - they can still win the division even with a lot of injuries going into the season.Arizona -Kurt Warner... he's back! [say it like the girl in Poltergeist]St. Louis - I've just given up on these guys.San Fran - We can also sadly start the countdown for San Fran to fire their coach too.

Monday, September 01, 2008

Congrats to Cliff Lee who became the 2nd major leaguer in 30 years to win 20 of his first 22 games and the first Indian since Gaylord Perry to win 20 games. Well done sir. I shall tip my cap and sip my port in your honor.....

The NFL season is attacking like Arnold on a steroid's bender. So once again I get to humiliate myself by making picks that will probably turn out to be completely and totally false. Like most sports enthusiasts making yearly picks I can follow one of two strategies. I can be a sheep and follow the trend setters and historical winners. Yeah I'm really out on a limb picking New England or Indy winning it all

Mighty Mike if he goes with the Pats

The other strategy is to do something completely off the wall. If things end up right then you are hailed as a genius. Things fall flat and well people tend to forget your insane picks. Unless they don't and they you have to beg and plead for another chance.

And now the crazy need 2 months of yoga to contort into this position before making crazy animal noises albeit the safe word is banana type of decision

AFC- Crazy1. Indy (Dungy ascends to heaven during halftime show)2. San Diego3. Cleveland (Mighty weeps with joy)4. New England (Brady is hurt on and off)5. Houston6. Toronto (Bills move to Toronto mid-way through the season becoming the first team to win multiple home games in different cities)

NFC Crazy1. Dallas2. Tampa (Gruden builds the QB he wants out of the remains of Unitas)3. Green Bay (Tavaris Jackson is that bad)4. Arizona (I said crazy dammit)5. New Orleans6. Giants (Giants make the playoffs again driving MJ into a rage when Eli outplays Peyton)

San Diego over Dallas (Dallas winning a playoff game? Yes that is crazy)