The Honest Armor of God, Rewriting Ephesians 6:10-17

Those of you familiar with Christianity may know of this passage in Ephesians in which Paul uses the metaphor of armor for the equipment of the Christian. I thought it deserved a more honest, re-write. When I showed the result I came up with, my brother queried in which circle of hell Dante would place me. Whatever one it is I'm sure I'd be in good company whichever one it was.

I tried to stay as close to the original language as possible. I'm curious. Do you all find it a cogent re-write from an atheist perspective?

Here is the original rendered in the "more poetic" KJV that so many fundies prefer:

Ephesians 6:10-17

6:10 Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might.

6:11 Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.

6:12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high [places].

6:13 Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.

6:14 Stand therefore, having your loins girt about with truth, and having on the breastplate of righteousness;

6:15 And your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace;

6:16 Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked.

6:17 And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God

My rendition:

The Honest Armory

Finally, my brethren, be weak in your mind and in the power of your reasoning.

Put on the whole armour of god, that ye may be able to withstand the wiles of the enlightened.

For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against the literati, against thinkers, against the doubters of the darkness of this world, against scientific theories in high regard.

Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of god, that ye may be able to remain ignorant in the face of progress, and having proved nothing, to know.

Stand therefore, having your loins wrapped in pudicity, and having on the chinstrap of self-righteousness.

And your feet fettered with the reparation of original sin.

And above all, brandishing the buckler of bigotry wherewith ye shall be able to deflect the darts of debate.

And take the visor of dogma and the foil of faith, which is the ward of god.

Replies to This Discussion

I think I definitely titled this post wrongly. Nobody here wants to read about how to re-write nonsense (i.e. the bible). Anyway to change the title of my post? Probably not, I'm guessing. I suppose I could delete and re-post.

One of Greta Christina's recent posts -- this one at AlterNet -- has the teaser:Religion is uniquely armored against anything that might stop it from spinning into extreme absurdity, extreme denial of reality and extreme, grotesque immorality.

I always find it amusing when I run across religious school sports teams with names like the Warriors or the Crusaders.

And, of course, that great anthem of inclusivity, Onward, Christian Soldiers.

Has anybody done a study of all the war-like and conflict based metaphors or ideas that even mainstream Christianity employs on a regular basis? As graduate study, I suppose comparing that with the metaphors of other religions and/or systems of thought would be interesting

Glenn, this is a facet of Christianity which I have always found disturbing at the very least, and mirrored too often by the behavior of its fundamentalist proponents. At times, I'm convinced they take Onward Christian Soldiers to heart, seeing themselves as the conquering army and everyone else as heathens to be converted or removed.