How a triathlete does the Truffle Shuffle

I blame you. I blame you for causing me to gain 20 pounds since Ironman Boulder 70.3 in August! Once I started training again the reality of the extra pounds set in. I don’t feel very sleek in the water; it’s hard to get into a nice tucked aero position on the bike; and I’m anything but light on my feet while running. The real horror? Well, I noticed a few night ago that if I bounce up in down in front of the mirror, even gently…so does my new gut. I can do the “truffle shuffle!”

I don’t blame you kids. I’m just teasing you of course. I can do the truffle shuffle, but that’s my fault, not yours. I’m tempted to tell you about the long hungry nights I spent cutting weight as a wrestler and how that keeps me from ever wanting to feel that pain again, but I won’t. Instead, I’ll tell you the truth. I was obsessing a few days ago about how I managed to gain 20 pounds while still doing more exercise than the average person. Here’s how it plays out everynight around 6:30pm:

Me: “Kate, please eat your pizza…or at least some grapes…something.”

Kate: “(sing song) God our father God our father aaayamen aaayamen. (rolling her head around like Stevie Wonder)”

Me: “I swear that kid never eats! Max, get your naked butt off of the table and eat!”

Max: “I’ll take you for a ride on my big green pottie honker legger jonker!”

Me: “Speaking of pottie….Izzy, come out of the bathroom and eat something. All of this food. I swear we waste a fortune trying to feed these kids. Ah, forget it (grabs Kate’s pizza). CHOMP. They’ve got to eat. Do they live on chocolate milk? (grabs Izzy’s pizza). CHOMP. Karen, are you going to eat your crust? Seriously…I’m not throwing all of this away. CHOMP. I dont’ get it. Ok, who wants ice cream from McDonalds? Y’all have got to eating something.”

That’s pretty much how it goes everynight. I eat my dinner, get frustrated because you kids don’t, and then I clean the table by eating everyone’s food instead of “letting it go to waste.” I was stunned when I really thought about it and realized I’ve been doing that almost every night, for months. And so, that’s how THIS triathlete gained a few lbs. Now that I’ve solved the mystery maybe I’ll stop cleaning everyone’s plates.

I swam 1600 yards at 5:15am this morning and felt good again. I got 45 minutes in on the spin bike during lunch. Details below.

Love you kids! Please eat so I can get back to my race weight!

– Daddy

ps. Mommy just texted me this: “Our vacuum smells like a wet dog when I turn it on. So don’t be shocked that the house smells like a wet dog when you come home.”