Ask Bely H. February 2010

I’m 24 years old guy and I don’t know how to cook. I was wondering should I just wait to get married and have wifey take care of that area or should I learn to cook for myself?

Chad -Los Angeles, Ca

Aprende! Learn how to cook! Listen, now in days, a man nor woman should rely on one or the other to mobilize them. We should all know how to do things for ourselves because at one point that’s all we have-ourselves. Let’s say you get married to a woman who is a real good cook and she’s off at work or stuck in traffic and you’re at home waiting while your starving, then what do you do? Do you sit there waiting on her or do you get up and make yourself something and while you’re at it be a good man and cook something up for the both of you? I’m thinking the second option is best. It’s best to pull your own weight and contribute. It is also a good quality to have under your belt. Don’t waste any more time and go buy a “Cooking for Dummies” cook book and start cooking! You’ll be surprised how easy cooking can be if you just follow directions. It doesn’t hurt to be well rounded. Besides, there is a bonus to knowing how to cook, the chicks think it is sexy and it is one skill you can use to be romantic.

Dear, Bely.

I have been dating this handsome Dominican man for not that long. He is sooo perfect it’s ridiculous. He is all that I ever wanted and more. I am trying to play my cards right by taking my time and getting to know each other by beginning the relationship slow. The good thing is that he is on board with all that. He gives me my space and takes things slow. I love having NO PRESSURE!! My question is, how long should I wait to be move to the next level and spice things up in the bedroom without looking like your desperate, easy, etc ?

-Maya H Fontana, Ca

Baby girl, it’s like this: YOU are the one in CONTROL. A man will only go as far as a woman allows him to. If you are content with taking things slow it’s because subconsciously it’s what you want and are comfortable with. You should not let a man pressure you into doing anything you are not ready to do. But if you desire to spice things up and your decision is solely based on what you want, then, by all means go for it. When it is something you want, there is no such thing as too soon. What you do will simply feel right and you will go for it without hesitation. If you hesitate or think twice about what you do, then more than likely it isn’t your time. When one act’s out of character, that is when you begin to look desperate, easy, etc But if you know what you want, then stand your ground and go for what you want. Women shouldn’t let anyone dominate their feelings or actions to such extent. You want to take things slow and play on your terms, then more power to you!

I’m an artist, so I sacrifice a lot. My everyday job is on the line and I struggle day to day to feed and clothe my daughter. My health is bad and I can’t even feed myself. Yet, I continue with my dream because I have full faith and believe in myself. I believe achieving my dream will feed my baby and give her everything regardless of the sacrifice, of time I’m giving up to be in her life. My situation is: At what point do I quit to provide by choosing a safer path or do I never stop until I die trying to provide the best life I can for my baby. I’m conflicted because I don’t want to see her struggle and I feel like she suffers everyday because of my choices.

-Alex Oxnard, CA

Your daughter is now you first priority. Anything and anyone else comes second. You must find a balance to keep her taken cared of and fulfilling your dream. She should be enough to fuel you and motivate you to triumph. I know you mentioned your job is on the line, a good idea would be to start looking for another employment incase your current employment is terminated. Don’t wait for things to happen-make things happen. Your situation reminds me of Will Smith’s role in The Pursuit Of Happyness. He never gave up because he believed he could achieve his goal and his son was major motive for him to succeed. In the movie, Smith’s character always finds a way to feed his son, even though it means he will have to starve. However, I am sure that unlike him you have family and friends who care and love you very much and who are willing to lend a helping hand. In this economy there is no room for pride. There is only room for uniting. Keep your dream alive. The fact that you believe in yourself eliminates all other options to settle for less. Someone once told me that you can’t try your best, you must do your best. Everyone who has ever had a dream has gone through their shares of triumphs and tribulations. It’s what sets aside those who want it from those who don’t. And it is those very struggles that not only mold you into who you turn out to be but also make you appreciate every blessing that your dream may bring. If you have enough drive and passion, you will find a way to accomplish your dream. Don’t let your dream go because it’s not a big slice of cake. Let it go when you’ve exhausted all possible sources to achieve it and there is nothing else left to do. Your daughter is observing you. Teach her the values and strengths of achieving your dreams. And take care of her. A child is a blessing and she depends on you.