This site is dedicated to my spiritual and physical journey before and after the death of my husband and the father of my son from cancer. It is about grieving, loving, understanding and sharing, and living in the connection while accepting the physical separation that passing on brings. It is also about moving forward in your life from whatever challenges life hands you and living the life that is wanted for you from above.

The Blame Game

This article made its way to my newsfeed yesterday and it caught my attention. The author used her interpersonal experiences to add in some real clinical points on what happens when you have “blamers” in your life. Although she has yet to finish her discussion, she left many points to ponder.

I am a part of several grief groups online and I hear this scenario over and over again. It seems to be the way many people deal with grief and any role they may have played during the event of losing someone they love. Blaming tears families apart. It gives a negative justification for one’s feelings and actions and it can often times remain rooted and settled in one’s belief systems for life. The real issues and actions and events fade away and what is left is a skewed sense of facts that support blaming others and no real sense of introspection which can ultimately aid that person in healing.

Blame is the opposite of forgiving. Blame is a much heavier, negative energy to hold on to. It’s as if you take out of your mind your part in the event and hold it in your hands so that the action or event cannot be attached to one’s self. The blamer disowns and disconnects from his or her actions and finds it is easier to hold the blame in his or her hands and to carry around with them until it’s released or it becomes a part of them. The Blamer THINKS holding and projecting the blame is easier, but will find out with time that its just the opposite. Many never understand this reality and they suffer the consequences of holding a heavy, dense, negative energy that robs them of their ability to move freely through life. It’s most corrupt feature is its ability to hijack one’s own mind into believing its false truth and it keeps the blamer’s thoughts suspended in this negative energy rather than allowing the holder to reflect on what really happened and their part they play and how to change and how to move forward and forgive and to love and to learn. Eventually time holds the key. One can let go of this negative energy and allow in all things good, or one can make that which they hold a permanent fixture about one’s self and walk in this lifetime with a negativity that is spiritually, physically, mentally, and emotionally crippling. The choice is theirs to make.

As for the the one who’s blamed….See this for what it is. Bless the knowledge. Bless the soul who is in the grips of this. And give thanks for the wisdom it provides. And most importantly, forgive so that you may not be attached like a magnet to this energy. Yes, blame attracts. But so does love. Your choice.

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Holly C Barker

My name is Holly Barker and I am the founder of Grief Anonymous, a national support organization for grief and loss. I am also the founder of the Grief Resource Network. My husband of 14 years and the father of my son died of Malignant Melanoma skin cancer in 2014. My mission is to write honestly about our journey and to share with those that are going through the loss of a loved one or another challenging experience. I learned through this experience about the process of understanding, accepting what life hands us, and living in the continuum and connectivity to our loved ones that have passed on. If you are stuck and having a difficult time moving forward into the life that is wanted for you from above, follow me on this journey and maybe it will help you, too. Love and Light, Holly