Welcome

Welcome to the POZ/AIDSmeds Community Forums, a round-the-clock discussion area for people with HIV/AIDS, their friends/family/caregivers, and
others concerned about HIV/AIDS. Click on the links below to browse our various forums; scroll down for a glance at the most recent posts; or join in the
conversation yourself by registering on the left side of this page.

Privacy Warning: Please realize that these forums are open to all, and are fully searchable via Google and other search engines. If you are HIV positive
and disclose this in our forums, then it is almost the same thing as telling the whole world (or at least the World Wide Web). If this concerns you, then do not use a
username or avatar that are self-identifying in any way. We do not allow the deletion of anything you post in these forums, so think before you post.

The information shared in these forums, by moderators and members, is designed to complement, not replace, the relationship between an individual and his/her own
physician.

All members of these forums are, by default, not considered to be licensed medical providers. If otherwise, users must clearly define themselves as such.

Forums members must behave at all times with respect and honesty. Posting guidelines, including time-out and banning policies, have been established by the moderators
of these forums. Click here for “Am I Infected?” posting guidelines. Click here for posting guidelines pertaining to all other POZ/AIDSmeds community forums.

We ask all forums members to provide references for health/medical/scientific information they provide, when it is not a personal experience being discussed. Please
provide hyperlinks with full URLs or full citations of published works not available via the Internet. Additionally, all forums members must post information which are
true and correct to their knowledge.

Author
Topic: It Just Gets Harder To Deal With (Read 8821 times)

I know I'm not the only with drama.I guess I just need to vent. The mother of my two kids walked out on me last night. We were dealing with my infection as best as we could. Until we had a broken condom and she had to get PEP. I guess it is too much for her. I don't blame her, of course. We all know how much it hurt to get infected. She just had enough I guess.

I think I'm at the start of a melt down. I was coping with my situation really well. I say was because I don't think I can deal with this anymore. I have no friends. I have nobody to talk to. She was my only friend. She was my best friend and my all. My kids keep me afloat and wanting to survive, but I don't think they deserve a dad like me. I feel like the lowest of the low. My self esteem has hit rock bottom. Suicide is out of the question for me. I love my kids, I want to live to see them become men. It's just overwhelming to deal with this by myself.

That does sound rather overwhelming and the fact that her departure has just occurred makes for a 'fresh wound'. I think we all are thrown into situations during our lives that knock us on our butts. There is no simple solution as far as dealing with a breakup. Perhaps she needs a bit of space. I would submit that the attachment she has with the father of her children may be stronger than it appears. My gut feeling (w/o knowing you or her) is that this is not the final chapter for you two.

A friend of mine on here had a situation where his wife needed some space and he allowed her to have that glimpse of life without him in it. My understanding is that she realized how much she truly did love and need him in her life during that time.

Thats awful!Get yourself someone to talk to? Family? Maybe an old friend? Do you work? Is there anyone at work? A local mental health center? Even call a hotline, talk to them, and ask for referrals.

By the way, I am a bit confused. Did you ever get a confirmed test that you are HIV+?

Have you ever gotten any labs at all done?

This may sound like a lie but I absolutely have not one friend. I always been a loner.Yes and yes.Have not gone back for more labs since my first ones about seven months ago were at 700 and my vl was at 25k.

That does sound rather overwhelming and the fact that her departure has just occurred makes for a 'fresh wound'. I think we all are thrown into situations during our lives that knock us on our butts. There is no simple solution as far as dealing with a breakup. Perhaps she needs a bit of space. I would submit that the attachment she has with the father of her children may be stronger than it appears. My gut feeling (w/o knowing you or her) is that this is not the final chapter for you two.

A friend of mine on here had a situation where his wife needed some space and he allowed her to have that glimpse of life without him in it. My understanding is that she realized how much she truly did love and need him in her life during that time.

Stay busy, focus on your kids, and let time work its 'magic'.

Thanks. I hope you're right. Havent slept in 48 hours. I think I need to rest.

This may sound like a lie but I absolutely have not one friend. I always been a loner.Yes and yes.Have not gone back for more labs since my first ones about seven months ago were at 700 and my vl was at 25k.

Your isolation clearly will make it harder to deal with the pain of this relationship trouble. I hear that you have no friends. Can I return the original suggestion and ask who you think you might find for support?

You got here. That's something. Maybe you should write a lot more about whats happening here.

But also, who might be available in the flesh in blood around you? Its good to hear you have no suicide thoughts but bad to hear you feel in front of a breakdown. So if you won't kill yourself because you love your kids, I guess you will find some support? What is available in your town, city? Mental health clinic? Does the place where you got your HIV diagnosis have anyone to talk to?

You know, I feel that in the long run you'll need to learn how to work on connection with adults. I think having just a partner as the ONLY adult in your life isn't enough to be healthy. I noticed that as my parents got older, they kept less of a social life with others, and that turned out rather badly. There should be more people than just family.

Work is one place, at least. But of course you can't drag your mental health challenges to coworkers to help. Not always at least. In in some work, never.

Got to have a friend or two. Also it takes pressure off of family members, who, by their family role, sometimes cant provide all the support one needs. Certainly children can not give whats needed if a parent is cracking up. Has to be other people.

So if you don't have friend of family to turn to, you need some professionals, maybe. Or a group therapy.

« Last Edit: August 13, 2011, 06:10:52 PM by mecch »

Logged

“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Thank you all for showing you care. You don't know what it means to me.I'm doing well. I 'm dealing with everything as well as I can. I try not to worry so much. My kids and I spend a lot of time together, and that is all I care about. They're doing great. I'm doing great. I have been sleeping like a baby as of late. Reading this forum really lets me know I'm not alone. I thank you all. Hope all of you are doing great as well.

Good to hear from you and the good news too.Don't be shy around here feel free to communicate.

Thanks. Not really good news, but life goes on. My wife hates my guts. I mean she freaking hates me. Never seen anyone consumed by hate that way. It's kind of sad seeing her like that. Freaking HIV. I feel sad every now and then. Sometimes I feel like giving up. But I have to man the fuck up. I had stress and anxiety disorder before the HIV. Nothing is easy. I'm not out of the hole yet. But I am slowly grasping my way out of it. To top it off, she went for her six week check up on Saturday, but has not returned my calls. I just want to know if everything is fine. Which is only making it worst. Thank you and the rest of the posters for their comments.

Javier, I had a look through your previous posts to remind myself of what's going on. As the condom break incident happened in early August, her six week check-up is six weeks after the condom break, not six weeks after her last dose of PEP. That means the test will most likely be negative as technically, she's only two weeks into the window period.

If she's still testing negative at six weeks post PEP (and that's the result I'm expecting), that will be an excellent indication that she will continue to test negative out to the end of the three month window period. (Taking PEP extends the window period by four weeks and that is why I said she is technically only two weeks into her window period.)

From what you describe of the condom break incident - it happened after only around ten seconds and you heard the condom pop and immediately withdrew and then she started on PEP - I would not expect her to end up poz from this. Seriously.

Hang in there. I'm willing to bet that if she had any bad news about her check-up, she'd be on the phone right away to give you grief over it. Try to think of this as "no news is good news".

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Javier, I had a look through your previous posts to remind myself of what's going on. As the condom break incident happened in early August, her six week check-up is six weeks after the condom break, not six weeks after her last dose of PEP. That means the test will most likely be negative as technically, she's only two weeks into the window period.

If she's still testing negative at six weeks post PEP (and that's the result I'm expecting), that will be an excellent indication that she will continue to test negative out to the end of the three month window period. (Taking PEP extends the window period by four weeks and that is why I said she is technically only two weeks into her window period.)

From what you describe of the condom break incident - it happened after only around ten seconds and you heard the condom pop and immediately withdrew and then she started on PEP - I would not expect her to end up poz from this. Seriously.

Hang in there. I'm willing to bet that if she had any bad news about her check-up, she'd be on the phone right away to give you grief over it. Try to think of this as "no news is good news".

Ann

Talked to her last night. So far, everything is well. I knew about the window period after PEP. Thanks for the heads up, though. The condom break isn't what bothered me, it was the precum that bothered me. I saw a lot of it. After I noticed the break. I hope she's fine in her future tests, for my children's sake. I wouldn't forgive myself if I infected her. I Would never hurt anyone willingly. Everyone has relationship problems, so I kind of feel like a drama queen posting all this. But we all have to vent at times.

I'm dealing with the HIV, I do not have a full time job right now, I'm taking care of my two sons all alone. My mom helps a lot with them, I'm so lucky to have her help me. This is freaking overwhelming. My sons rarely see her. How the fuck do I keep them happy? They want their mom and shes gone. It makes me angry as hell. I'm not like a lot of guys that come here crying and say "I'm afraid I'm going to lose my wife". I can move on without her. I got myself in this predicament, I have to deal with alone. But my kids suffering for it hurts like hell. Not a jab at the guys who come here crying about losing their wife btw, I don't mean to offend. Sorry for the rant.

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Yes - we are ALL Drama at times and you've most certainly have an audience and supportive ears (lurkers) on this forum. Please don't give-up. We all really want you to hang in there and do your best.

Have you been to the doctor to get your latest results. I'm worried that fatigue may begin to set in and you begin to feel as if you can't work at this anymore?

Have my next appointment till Feb. I'm never tired. I sleep about three hours every night. Feel great. Thanks for worrying. I did get some good news from the wife, she tested negative in her latest test. Which would be three months from her exposure. That really felt great to me. Such a relief.!Been trying to keep a positive mindset. But been feeling down lately. Self esteem is down in the gutter. I'm not playing sports, working out anymore. Been deeling really alone. My wife rold me to "hurry up and die already". Felt like someone hitting me in the chest with a bat. Hadn't really heen thinking about death, but ever since that day its been planted in my head. Feel like my mind is going to give at times. I guess I deserve this. At least I feel I do.

My wife rold me to "hurry up and die already". Felt like someone hitting me in the chest with a bat. Hadn't really heen thinking about death, but ever since that day its been planted in my head. Feel like my mind is going to give at times.

Don't give your wife that kind of power over you. If she's the kind of person who would tell someone with an illness something like that - regardless of what the illness is or how they got it - then you're better off without her, and so are your children. What a hateful thing to say!

NOBODY deserves this, and nobody deserves to be told to hurry up and die. Hiv isn't a punishment for having sex, it's a freaking virus and that's all it is. Just like with your wife, don't give hiv that kind of power over your life.

You sound like a reasonable, caring man. We all need you to stay strong for your kids, be here and teach them the compassion and humanity that your wife lacks. Don't let them learn to be hateful like her.

The best revenge is to be happy. Show your wife - and this damn virus - that you can rise above it and live your life, love your kids, and be happy!!!

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts