Death and life are in the power of the tongue! Prov. 18:21(image courtesy of adsneeze.com)

NOTE: Domestic abuse articles written by me are usually written from the female perspective since I am a woman and my audience is largely women. However, abuse is not gender specific. Most of what I write can be understood to apply to either gender.

The linked article gives a good snapshot of how an abusive pastor may operate. In saying this I’m not making a judgment about this man’s guilt or innocence. But the actions described by the plaintiffs are ones I have seen many times before.

It is my hope that if anyone affected by this case should find this blog, you can find some help and additional insight about dealing with the issue of alleged abuse in the church in the articles in the right sidebar of this site and under the Church Abuse tab.

This information blew my mind. It describes my ex-husband so precisely, it’s just spooky. I’ve known quite a few pastors who fit this description as well.

Please note, this is not a gender-specific problem. The gender of a serial bully can be female or male. This applies in marriage – the bully could be a wife rather than a husband. It also applies in church leadership. The female serial bully may be a Sunday School teacher, pastor in some churches, elder/deacon/board member, women’s leader, etc.

The serial bully:

is a *convincing,* *practised liar* and when called to account,
will make up anything spontaneously to fit their needs at that moment

has a *Jekyll and Hyde nature* – is vile, vicious and vindictive
in private, but innocent and charming in front of witnesses;
no-one can (or wants to) believe this individual has a vindictive
nature – only the current target of the serial bully’s aggression
sees both sides; whilst the Jekyll side is described as “charming”
and convincing enough to deceive personnel, management and a
tribunal, the Hyde side is frequently described as “evil”; Hyde is
the real person, Jekyll is an act

excels at *deception* and should never be underestimated in their
capacity to deceive

uses excessive *charm* and is always plausible and convincing when
peers, superiors or others are present (charm can be used to
deceive as well as to cover for lack of empathy)

is *glib, shallow and superficial* with plenty of fine words and
lots of form – but there’s no substance

is possessed of an *exceptional verbal facility* and will
outmanoeuvre most people in verbal interaction, especially at
times of conflict

is often described as *smooth*, *slippery, slimy, ingratiating,
fawning, toadying, obsequious, sycophantic*

relies on *mimicry, repetition* and *regurgitation* to convince
others that he or she is both a “normal” human being and a tough
dynamic manager, as in extolling the virtues of the latest
management fads and pouring forth the accompanying jargon

is unusually skilled in *being able to anticipate what people want
to hear* and then saying it plausibly

*cannot be trusted or relied upon*

*fails to fulfil commitments*

is *emotionally retarded* with an *arrested level of emotional
development*; whilst language and intellect may appear to be that
of an adult, the bully displays the emotional age of a five-year-old

in a relationship, is *incapable of initiating or sustaining
intimacy*

*holds deep prejudices* (eg against the opposite gender, people of
a different sexual orientation, other cultures and religious
beliefs, foreigners, etc – prejudiced people are unvaryingly
unimaginative) but goes to great lengths to keep this prejudicial
aspect of their personality secret

is *self-opinionated* and displays *arrogance*, *audacity, a
superior sense of entitlement* and sense of *invulnerability* and
*untouchability*

has a deep-seated *contempt of clients* in contrast to his or her
professed compassion

displays a *compulsive need to criticise* whilst simultaneously
*refusing to value*, praise and acknowledge others, their
achievements, or their existence

*shows a lack of joined-up thinking* with conversation that
doesn’t flow and arguments that don’t hold water

*flits from topic to topic* so that you come away feeling you’ve
never had a proper conversation

*refuses to be specific* and *never gives a straight answer*

is *evasive* and has a Houdini-like ability to *escape
accountability*

*undermines* and *destroys* anyone who the bully perceives to be
an adversary, a potential threat, or who can see through the
bully’s mask

is *adept at creating conflict *between those who would otherwise
collate incriminating information about them

is *quick to discredit and neutralise* anyone who can talk
knowledgeably about antisocial or sociopathic behaviors

may pursue a *vindictive vendetta* against anyone who dares to
held them accountable, perhaps using others’ resources and
contemptuous of the damage caused to other people and
organisations in pursuance of the vendetta

is also *quick to belittle, undermine, denigrate and discredit*
anyone who calls, attempts to call, or might call the bully to
account

is *spiritually dead* although may loudly profess some religious
belief or affiliation

is *mean-spirited*, *officious*, and often *unbelievably petty*

is *mean, stingy*, and *financially untrustworthy*

is *greedy, selfish, *a *parasite *and an *emotional vampire*

is *always a taker *and *never a giver* [Note from Danni: On this one I would say, never a giver unless there is a hidden motive of manipulation to gain.]

is convinced of their *superiority* and has an *overbearing belief
in their qualities of leadership* but cannot distinguish between
leadership (maturity, decisiveness, assertiveness, co-operation,
trust, integrity) and bullying (immaturity, impulsiveness,
aggression, manipulation, distrust, deceitfulness)

often *fraudulently claims* qualifications, experience, titles,
entitlements or affiliations which are ambiguous, misleading, or
bogus

often *misses the semantic meaning of language*, misinterprets
what is said, sometimes wrongly thinking that comments of a
satirical, ironic or general negative nature apply to him or herself

*knows the words but not the song*

is *constantly imposing on others a false reality* made up of
distortion and fabrication

sometimes *displays a seemingly limitless demonic energy*
especially when engaged in attention-seeking activities or evasion
of accountability and is often a *committeeaholic* or apparent
*workaholic*

It is my hope that if anyone affected by this case should find this blog, you can find some help and additional insight about dealing with the issue of alleged sexual abuse in the church in the articles in the right sidebar of this site and under the Church Abuse tab.

It is my hope that if anyone affected by this case should find this blog, you can find some help and additional insight about dealing with the issue of alleged sexual abuse in the church in the articles in the right sidebar of this site and under the Church Abuse tab.

According to the linked article Jessica Banks, 65, of Moreno Vally was sentenced to 36 years and 8 months in prison along with two consecutive terms of 15 years to life. Superior Court Judge Richard Hanscom in Riverside described it as the worst abuse case he had seen.

However, the Moreno Valley woman denied any wrongdoing and her attorney said an appeal was planned.

It is my hope that if anyone affected by this case should find this blog, you can find some help and additional insight about dealing with the issue of clergy abuse in the articles in the right sidebar of this site and under the Church Abuse tab.

Former youth pastor John Picard was sentenced to 40 years in prison for sexual battery, with no possibility of parole. According to the linked article, Picard was convicted on all 42 counts of sexual battery at the end of a six-day trial. The former youth pastor used coercion to form sexual relationships with six female parishioners.

It is my hope that if anyone affected by this case should find this blog, you can find some help and additional insight dealing with the issue of clergy sex abuse in the articles in the right sidebar of this site and under the Church Abuse tab.

Church youth director and volunteer Bradley Boda has been charged on suspicion of two counts of sexual assault on a child, two counts of unlawful sexual contact, two counts of sexual exploitation of children, one count of attempted sexual exploitation of a child, three counts of enticement of a child, and two counts of indecent exposure. According to the linked article, police believe Boda used his positions as church youth director and volunteer at Christ Our Savior Lutheran Church in Longmont, CO to sexually assault boys as young as 11.

It is my hope that if anyone affected by this case should find this blog, you can find some help and additional insight about dealing with allegations of clergy sex abuse in the articles in the right sidebar of this site and under the Church Abuse tab.