Dylan

Well…

IT’S OVER.

It’s been a year since I started telling you everything about my life on a weekly basis for this here magazine for teen girls. Crazy! This year just so happened to be my last as a teenager, and just like my PERISHING YOUTH, this column has an expiration date. It’s time for me to graduate from the Teen Girl Diary Zone and get old already.

It did get real real, though, when things like theft and violence and money concerns started pushing through the security blanket of being young and protected from such worries. But it’s OK, because this harshness is inevitable–it’s part of the contract for becoming an adult. Good times are optional, and it’s on us to find them.

I liked sharing all of those ups and down with you each Wednesday. Thank you for being cool and nonjudgmental enough for me to put sometimes intense, sometimes embarrassing, sometimes stupid stuff here. And thank you for bearing witness to my first year of thinking, This is my life, and finally, it’s working. It wouldn’t have been as special without you. <3 ♦

srsly stay a teen 4 everrrrrrr. Do like that movie 17 again, get a genius brother, and drink sum potion. When you want to grow up you can just jump into a pool that has a magical bath bomb in it. trust me, it’ll work.

I know that this will make me sound like a lame-o I’ve-Been-There-Guidance-Counselor but I feel I really need to tell you this. As a person that just finished grad school and is now having a mini post-college life crisis. All this stuff gets better and it will even out. For the first week of college I cried and played bejewled alone in my room and freaked out about everything I didn’t know and was not being asked to do. Most people have this time and it’s uncomfortable and it sucks but; you’re also learning how to deal with new stuff and that is a way more important skill than most of stuff you’ll get from classes.

I apologize for the lameness. But I wanted to tell you you’re not alone, you’re not a bitch for feeling this way and it will be okay.

KATHERINE. I really, really know how you feel. Sometimes I just think I’m really incompetent at being A HUMAN BEING. And then I feel like such a whiner for feeling that way. And it can take quite a lot of time to calm down enough to try and make myself realize that the world is still magically spinning through space and I’m probably not going to fuck things up irreparably. Sending you a virtual care package of hugs and gummy bears and sparkly stickers. Try a solo dance party? Sometimes that helps me. xo

Also, Katherine, YOU ARE ME. You basically just described everything I’ve been feeling this first week at college. I’m not toatally miserable, but I also would probably be a lot happier at home. There’s really only one person here that I would actually miss if I left, and I just want my old life back, honestly. Sorry. This isn’t MY diary. I’ll stop now.

Ruby- my first day of high school was yesterday. The whole time I just wanted to curl up into a little ball and sleep. When I finally got home I watched 30 Rock in my bed because only Liz lemon could console me. Today was a little better though.

DYLAAAAN! You gave me so many love vibes this past year, so here are love vibes back! <>
Naomi, I enjoy your room very much because you have a bulletin board and your books are organized by color and you have a cat.
Ruby! The first few weeks of freshman year sucked for me, but hopefully you’ll meet cool people in choir and Mandarin, I met all of my friends through band. And the spiky haired girl sounds like she is trying to be your friend in an I’m-a-teen-and-I-don’t-wanna-act-like-I-want-friends sort of way. I do that.

Dylan please write a little longer! I really kinda look up to your tales of early adulthood, seasoned college life, and figuring shit out. Just because you’re not a teen, doesn’t mean you don’t have things to share :( I hope there will be more from you on the site.

Ooh, Katherine please don’t feel bad for complaining! It’s actually really reassuring to see someone sharing about the bad as well as the good, helps me to remember that everyone has crummy weeks where things just seem to be against them, even glamorous Rookie diarists. It’s realistic and relatable. Everyone needs an occasion just to vent and let it all out. Hope your college experience starts looking up. <3

Katterin, if it makes you feel any better, I felt the exact way my first semester, especially because I went to a school I didn’t have my heart in. You’ll find your place and it will feel so rad when you do. POWER THROUUUGHHH! You can DOOO!

Katherine, I totally get what youre going through. I just moved to college in a big city and its so easy to feel insignificant and stupid and lame… and the friends thing is weird too, like how does one make friends fast? Will I ever make any REAL friends? how long is all of this smalltalk going to last?

I don’t know, just know that I’m reading and relating, and I’m sure a bunch of others are too.

Katherine, I just started college yesterday and i all ready feel so isolated. I know nobody there. one of my first year courses everyone is so much older than me… ahhhh college is scary. And i’m usually confident enough but i don’t understand anything about this place so i just sit on a bench by the golf course for the three hours between my classes and its really cold, and the crows won’t leave me alone, eventually i’ll have to go inside. D:

Hey, I’m sure you hear this all the time but I just want to let you know: college will be a good experience. It’s really intimidating at first, but you will SO get the hang of it and everything will work out. It might be scary when you’re in a class with upperclassmen, but, hey, that just means that you’re ahead of your time (pretty impressive if you ask me). Last year, it felt like suddenly I was a dumb kid thrown into a place where everyone was smart, but one day I just decided to do my best to learn! No one expects you to be a dazzling College Student right away. You’ll find your friends, you’ll enroll in classes that you love, and you will have a great time. Cut yourself some slack, okay?

Dylan, I have read every single bit of your diary over the past year. I swear I’m not a creep. At the start I read everyones entries but after a few months I decided your’s were the ones I’d live vicariuosly through.
You’ve inspired me in more ways than one and through you I’ve finally seen that the ultimate last teenage year is acheivable, even with a few mishaps.
See ya round.

This is such a bad news that you stop to write your diary. I’m a french girl, same age than you and you diary was my favorite, this is the one I identified the most (my parents are divorced too, I’m living on my own too and doing artistic stydies too (cinema, bit different but still artistic )). It was really great to see that on the other side of the world somebody is going through the same difficulties and joys about building her life. You diary make me think about my life in a positive way, thx a lot ! I wish you all the best for your future !

I wasn’t trying to shame anyone. I was just surprised that someone who seems pretty well-read for her age hadn’t heard of Proust. Kinda like when you meet someone who’s never listened to an iconic band that you really love.

Those weeks when nothing goes right. Familiar? Yes. But luckily afterwards you can just laugh to everything that you thought was the end of the world and eat ice cream while watching a bad movie. And that’s nice.

Hi, queen people! April’s theme is BOTH SIDES NOW, which considers the many different answers to THE BIG QUESTIONS, whatever those are for you. If you’ve got a project or pitch about seeing things in a whole new light, please email it to submission@rookiemag.com.

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