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5.5.15

The reality of blogging...

Lately there's been a lot of "life" stuff going on, not stuff that I'm going to discuss but as I go on you'll understand why I'm writing this blogpost. I get a lot of messages fairly often from people who say, "Oh I didn't know this, that or the other" when they find out something that is possibly going on in my life. Sometimes this surprises me and I don't know why it should surprise me but it tends too. The thing is I write a "lifestyle blog" so I think people assume that nearly all of my life goes into it. It doesn't.

My blog is very one track a lot of the time. I share what I am comfortable sharing and that mainly has a lot to do with my transplant journey and how I am feeling about that and then there's the very, what I'm going to call, "general" life stuff that I share and the occasional Haul type blog. Now all of that generally only equates to about 20-30% of what is actually going on in my life at any given time. Even the stuff I share on here is very edited. I can start off with let's say 2/3 word pages of text that I then edit down to not be too long and lengthy as I think "do people really need to know that? "Is it my place to say that?" "Or should I be sharing that as it's not really my information to share?"

The reality of blogging is that, yes, I share a lot of ME with you but my life isn't just me I have my family, the stuff that is going on in their lives, my friends and what is going in their lives and then the stuff that is just me and what I'm doing that I don't share with you. I share a lot of my transplant and PH stuff with you guys because I kind of feel like a lot of that is public domain and can help people and I've never been uncomfortable sharing that stuff with you guys but then again there is still some of that stuff that only me, my family and extremely close friends know about.

There are some people that have a very idealised view of me because they have only ever known the polite, kind and nice Stacie that I am and I would use that as my description probably about 90% of the time especially with people I'm not really very familiar with. People don't see the stubborn me which I am. People don't see me when I get really passionate about a topic that I'm really into, you've never heard one of my history or political rants. The bossy Stacie. No-one outside of my family ever see's sad Stacie ever! Jealous Stacie I feel like you've had a sneak peek of but have never really "seen".

Then there's mad Stacie, and I don't mean the Stacie that is mad at her situation because that mad Stacie is more frustrated than anything (probably the Stacie you've seen the most of) but really actually mad verging on furious Stacie. This part of me very, very rarely gets seen and that's because people who are close to me know never to get me mad especially when I am in the right. I know how to admit when I'm wrong as much as the stubborn part of me hates it but I know when to say "I'm sorry I'm wrong." Mad/furious Stacie made an appearance this week for me, last week for you and this lead to me cutting all ties with a few people, this is why I don't like to get furious or mad because when I am and when I am right I don't give second chances. This may seem like a character flaw to a lot of people but there are some cases in life where some-one can do something so horrible that they can't take it back whether they know what they did was wrong or not, I don't allow them to have a second chance, I become very cold and I will never ever let that person or people back into my life and this is something that very few people know about me because mad/furious me has only been seen a few times in the past 10 years because that is literally a character trait that is a minuscule part of me and I would like to think the people that I surround myself with would never do something that would induce that kind of rage and ferocity from me. Also I don't have time to waste on being mad at people, I would rather cut that bad part of my life out and just move on with my life rather than them being able to come back and be able to hurt those people all over again.

When a lot of people blog it is generally all of the good stuff that their life is currently offering and I am guilty of doing that too except when I talk about my transplant and PH stuff I am very real and honest about all of that, but life stuff - I share the good stuff and I think that's a good thing because I don't really want to remember being so furious with someone that I had to cut them out of my life I would rather move on. I feel like when people read blogs they need to remember that it is only a sneak peak into that persons life and that usually there is probably a lot more going on behind closed doors.

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I'm in my 20's and after waiting 3 years,
I underwent a heart and double lung transplant because I suffered from a illness called Pulmonary Hypertension.

This blog is where I documented that journey and will continue to document all the amazing highs and the lows post-transplant. I hope to continue to raise awareness for both PH and organ donation and I would love for you to continue to share this journey with me.