Here Are 5 Things A True Nairobian Must Have Experienced

Whether you’re a true Nairobian or somebody who merely visits the beautiful city, odds are that you have experienced any or all of these 5 things a true Nairobian must have experienced. They are actually things every Nairobian can relate to.

As for those who have never lived in Nairobi and who are currently planning on relocating or paying a visit to Nairobi, you really need to get accustomed to these five possibilities Nairobians live with. Of course, this is an information to help new visitors to Nairobi avoid standing on nails. Read on to see what you should have in mind when exploring Nairobi.

Below are a good number of experiences many who live in Nairobi and its environments like Kinoo, Kitengela, Mlolongo and Kiambu can relate to.

5 Things A True Nairobian Must Have Experienced

1. Paying A Watchman To Watch Your Vehicle While You Get Grocery

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You may call it vehicle vandalism, but If you ever leave your car unwatched in Nairobi, you should be ready to take it to the mechanic for repairs. And by unwatched, I mean not giving a watchman money to keep a close eye on your car. Think it is unreal? Let me remind you that cars are parked at owners risk so if you resist making at least 200 bob payment to a watchman, then get set to be all warmed up when buying new mirrors and lights.

2. Getting Robbed or Mugged In Broad Day Light

Nairobi is a city where you might get robbed in broad daylight. Oh, yea, both petty stealing and real robbery happen around the clock in Nairobi. I vividly recall one time on a hot afternoon along Kenyatta Avenue, a guy decided to help a seemingly innocent looking woman with his phone to reach her husband to come pick her up as she claimed to have come from Meru and didn’t know where the husband resides. On getting the phone, she took to her heels to the amazement of the kind stranger. Expect this as any of the 5 things a true Nairobian must have experienced.

3. Being Frightened with Human Faeces

Ever pictured driving to a very important meeting dressed up to the nines, looking smart, smelling nice and all of a sudden someone just comes out of the blues carrying faeces in black paper-bag and saying “leta pesa ama nikupake mavi”. This is another of the ugly 5 things a true Nairobian must have experienced.

At first, you might see it as being all fun until you notice too late to wind up the windows that it’s coming your way. This will end up getting you all messed up right? Now, to avoid this, my advice is that you should always watch out for Davy, a famous faeces thrower whenever you are around CBD.

4. Visiting Cathouses

Now, this may not sound so cool but unless you are not up to 21+ you’ve probably explored one or a number of Brothels in town. Oh yea, you must have visited different brothels where you make a selected from a long line of girls in heavy make-up and skimpy clothing. It does not really matter whether you are in uptown or downtown, after all, it is same way of negotiating a price and paying for a room. Brothel business is one of the businesses that are still booming in Nairobi despite the hard economic times. They operate very much like any small business even in broad daylight.

5. Awful Traffic Jam

One of the 5 things a true Nairobian must have experienced is the famous Nairobian traffic jam which is unpleasant, appalling, and nerve wrecking to say the least. In fact, I can go on and on using all the bad words here just for the description of what Nairobi’s traffic looks like. Many have been searching for a way of erasing traffic jam in Nairobi entirely, but it seems almost impossible. Annoyingly, traffic jam in Nairobi can begin from as early as 6:00 am to 11:00 pm in some areas and true Nairobians can relate to this too.

6. Matutu Madness

In everyday life, each day comes with so many challenges. But for Nairobians, in addition to the life challenges, the madness of the Matutu drivers is one minor-but-unavoidable deal that must be dealt with – unless you are a Johnny-come-lately to Nairobi.

In Kenya, matatus drivers are known for being extremely dangerous and for cramming an unbelievable number of people in their rickety vans. In fact, most drivers force passengers to sit on each other’s laps, squat on the van floor or even hang out the doors in poorly maintained vans.

Because Matutus comes in sizes, each van houses drivers of different sizes and ‘skills’. But virtually every van moves along with touts, salesman, the conductor, hawker, and hanger-out-the-window advertiser, who, most times, make conveyance unbearable and uncomfortable.

Virtually every Nairobian and people living in Kinoo, Kitengela, Mlolongo and Kiambu have experienced crazy matutu drivers splashing water on passers-by, shoving people roughly, especially shoppers at the open markets, and speeding at a very frightening speed on the roads. While most Nairobians regard the craze and hype as ‘normal’, others admitted that the matutu madness gives them the hump.

You are free to add to this list by letting us know some of the things you think people in Nairobi can relate to.