Friday, June 29, 2012

Now that The all-powerful Supreme Court has upheld Obamacare from their gigantic chairs while petting cats and laughing manically, here is what we can expect in the coming years.

* Eventually your doctor or surgeon is not going to be paid any more or any less whether he gives you great care or if he accidentally leaves a surgical glove in your abdominal cavity.. So you can look forward to doctors who work more like Teamsters, whistling at hot nurses as they walk by.

* Death Panels. They will never call them death panels. (But of course it's not a tax either, even though it is a tax.) They will call them the "Who-gets-to-go-to-sleep-forever committee". Because grandma costs less as fertilizer than she does living.

* Need an MRI for that visibly throbbing brain tumor? Well fill out this paperwork, wait in that line over there for 8 weeks.. then you have an appoint with the "Who-gets-to-go-to-sleep-forever committee".. If you pass, Then you can have your MRI. Turns out to be cancer? Please wait in the radiation line...

* Your medical records will now go in a government file. Hey, you want the death panel to make an informed decision, right?

* Just like Social Security... Soon that "tax" money from those who chose not to participate is going to look pretty enticing to salivating politicians. Gotta fund more art made from feces created by hipsters!

* Shortage of doctors. (See Point #1)

* The poor are finally getting access to health care!*** Yay! However, the death rate is higher, hospitals are filled to capacity, everybody is angry and frustrated, The bureaucrats are asking for more funding, you lost your job 2 months ago, the stock market is crashing... and what is the deal with all these locusts!

*** The poor always had access to health care. But now, we sold our souls to the devil because he promised we could have ALL THE THINGS FOR FREE.

Monday, June 25, 2012

Andy: The band has had a few different names over the years. When we started, we were Teddy Bear Suicide, but then we changed it to Mouse Rat. Then we were God Hates Figs, Department of Homeland Obscurity, Flames for Flames, Muscle Confusion, Nothing Rhymes With Orange, then Everything Rhymes With Orange, Punch Face Champions, Rad Wagon, Puppy Pendulum, Possum Pendulum, Handrail Suicide, Angel Snack, Just the Tip, Threeskin... [long pause] Oh, Jet Black Pope. We went back to Mouse Rat, and now we are Scarecrow Boat. Wow, when I hear myself say Scarecrow Boat out loud I kinda hate it...

Greg: Are you crying?Andy: I AM NOT CRYING, OK? I'M ALLERGIC TO JERKS!

Tom: I have never taken the high road. But I tell other people to 'cause then there's more room for me on the low road.

Jerry: There is a great dinosaur-themed restaurant in Patterson. It is called Jurassic Fork. I have gone there three times a week for the last 15 years.

Ron: Leslie needs to butt out. The whole point of this country is if you want to eat garbage, balloon up to 600 pounds, and die of a heart attack at 43, you can. You are free to do so. To me, that's beautiful.

Leslie: Every year, Pawnee Cares teams up with the local cable access station to raise money for diabetes research. And it’s important because Pawnee is the fourth fattest town in the U.S. It goes us, Dallas, Tulsa and certain parts of the Mall of America.

Sunday, June 24, 2012

Obama is desperate. He is losing with pretty much every demographic. So of course, he is flailing and just coming up with really bad ideas. He is asking for you to give donations to his campaign instead of giving wedding gifts to your loved ones. He says "It will go much further than a gravy boat".

Really?

Here's why a gravy boat will suit your loved one much more than a donation to B. Hussein Obama.

* A gravy boat is a useful tool that gives back to you at meal time. An Obama takes from you at meal time, at bed time, at school, at work, at play, and while traveling, or just being at home. It takes, and takes. It takes from the rich, and it takes from the poor, but only tells you it's taking from the rich.

* A gravy boat has a one time cost. An Obama will cost you for years to come, even after it is no longer in power. It destroys programs so badly that they run in reverse and drain themselves and than move on to other programs and begin to suck them dry of money and resources.

* A gravy boat doesn't what it is intended to do without complaint or defiance. An Obama complains constantly and defies what it's purpose is. It lies if need be. It sidesteps laws, the Constitution, common sense, rules, society, tradition, history, and common decency. It is rogue, tyrannical, and socialistic.

* A gravy boat loves to hold your gravy because it was made to do just that. An Obama hates the very country that he was raised in. He wants to transform it into his own image.

So get your friends and family a gravy boat.. Because there is no better way to say "I hate you both and I hope you can't find jobs and your kids fail in school." than a donation to Barack Obama.

Saturday, June 23, 2012

Updated:Trust, me.. this is easier said than done, and every day is it's own adventure...I am not a sage nor do I claim to have any wisdom beyond the ordinary. But I think I have found the formula for living a simple life. My early teens through my mid-twenties were a rocky and anxiety filled time.I did not transition smoothly. So here is what I do now...

* Trust in Christ. If you trust in Christ, you are free indeed. When death, and hardship knocks on your door you will be able to look it in the face and smile. Everything else that follows this first point is only possible if you put this one first in your life.

* Know who you are, and who you are not. If you spend your life trying desperately to climb the ladder of success then you will just end up tired and unhappy. I got off that ladder and decided that wherever God placed me I would work hard to make myself at home there. I'm not a good ladder climber.

* Don't sweat the small stuff, and it's all small stuff. Just take the day as it comes. If your rent is overdue, find a way to pay the late fee and move on to the next thing. Don't let any one thing bring you down, ever.

* Work hard when you are at work. Come in early, leave late. Work 3 jobs if you have to. There is nothing more calming and satisfying than self-reliance. Rely as little on outside help as you can. Suck up to the boss, you will be hated by your peers who are just drawing a paycheck.. but in the end those people do not sign your check, nor will they do anything but drag you down in the long run.

* Learn to be happy without wealth or prosperity. We forget that just 30 years ago, not only did we not have the best computer toy on the market.. we had NO computer.. and we survived just fine. Now even the poorest among us live like kings and we still think we are entitled to more.

* Don't rely on the government for anything. I don't care who is in office.. give them an inch and they will take a mile.. Quit asking for fish and go learn to fish.

* Find truth and God! The establishment wants you to believe you are a mistake of accidental cells and atoms. If you truly believe that with all your heart than mourn for your miserable existance.. If like the rest of us, that answer is not sufficient, then search and find truth and when you find it plant your anchor and stand on it proudly.

* Finally... laugh. Laugh even when things are at their worst and there is nothing funny going on. Just find a way to laugh.

Thursday, June 21, 2012

* The Sandusky sex abuse jury is trying to decide if having naked tickle fights with little boys in the shower constitutes sexual abuse. If I was a on the jury I would just be playing solitaire on my phone by now because it's clear that the dude is a nasty pervert that needs to go spend his remaining years behind bars, where they LOVE tickle fights.

* A critic in a popular magazine compared Radiohead with The Beatles. I think they sound like the Beatles if you took the Beatles and gave them frontal lobotomies, and then made them really ugly.

* Democrats hated Dick Cheney, they thought he was evil. After seeing who the democrats like in a vice president I figured out that they hate people who can form complete sentences, and they find it evil if you have contributed anything worthwhile to society besides receiving hair plugs.

Friday, June 15, 2012

* The prices for a soda at the movies is ridiculous.. And they still try to upsell you. "Sir, for just 1 more dollar you can get the large, which comes with a free refill." No thank you.. I prefer to watch the movie without having my bladder explode all over the row in front of me.

* A lady in front of me at Walmart buying a bookshelf said to the cashier "Is there anyway you can go any cheaper on that?" I think she suddenly forgot where she was and thought she was at a garage sale or maybe she thought this was Mexico.

* Bird's are very aimless. I have not quite figured out what they are actually doing. They land on stuff, look around, fly around for a while, land in the street, almost get hit by cars, land on more stuff... all while pooping continuously.

Monday, June 11, 2012

I think FB may have started leaking interested participants. Nevermind that the IPO was one of the worst in history. It is getting hip to diss Facebook and that is never a good sign. Facebook is in danger of becoming the Nickelback of social sites.

Sunday, June 10, 2012

* Obama has a "kill list" on his desk. The kill list includes alleged terrorists some are even American citizens.. All of which are targets for the unmanned drones. I cannot believe how quiet the liberals get when their guy is in the White House. Can you imagine if Bush was found to have a "kill list"? We would have had war tribunals, mass protests, Michael Moore movies like crazy.. and Where is Cindy Sheehan? The democrats don't give a crap about war, death, or violence. They only care about money, politics, and power. They are an evil, corrupt party of utter hypocrites.

* More European countries are getting bailed out tomorrow. It's called kicking the can down the road. Pretty soon it will be time to pay the piper, and we are all finished at that point. Guaranteed!

* Yesterday I messed up and didn't post. So I went back in time like Superman did when Lois Lane was killed, and I miraculously added in a post to make it look like I stuck with my 30 day plan!

Saturday, June 09, 2012

Two of my childhood icons were Stan Laurel and Oliver Hardy. They made comedy that is still funny today, and they did it in the 1930's! What were these two like in real life? I found this video with a brief glimpse..

Thursday, June 07, 2012

I have worked in the industry now for 7 years or so. Sometimes people take their vacuums in for repair when they could easily diagnose and fix it at home. Here are some very basic things to look for..

My Vacuum is just not picking up as good as it did when I first got it.

This is probably the most common complaint. It's also the vaguest. However, 95% of the time the answer is the belt. All vacuums need a belt to drive the brushroll. Sometimes they need two belts if they have a self-propel feature or any other moving parts. Like any rubber material, over time it becomes stretched out and in need of replacement.

Changing the belt is almost never as hard as it seems. First thing to do is look through the manual. This will usually give you a general idea, but not much more. Stop, and look at how to get access to where the belt is, and then look carefully. It usually only has one way it could possibly go on. If you are successful you will save yourself some money.

Other things it might be..

* An obstruction to the airflow.

* A filter that is clogged and/or in need of changing.

* A full bag.

* A seal that is worn or not seated properly.

My Vacuum is spitting things out instead of sucking things up.

This one should be obvious but even this is often overlooked. You have an obstruction (Paper, sock, scarf, pet hair, etc.) in the air flow of the vacuum.

A Vacuum system is much like plumbing. If there is something in the tubing that won't allow things around it then it will cause dirt and debris to exit out the only way it can. You can affirm this, at least in the bagged vacuums, by seeing if the bag puffs out like a balloon when you turn on the machine.

So, before you panic and think this is not something you can tackle. Start at the source. A high percentage of the time you will find the obstruction at the base of the vacuum where the dirt first enters the smaller tube. If I don't find the problem there, I check the opposite end where the dirt finally enters the container or bag.

If the obstruction is not there, then you simply must follow the maze. You can't plunge it like a toilet, But you can narrow it down and use a flexible long skinny device to poke around with. Sometimes that alone will dislodge it.

There is your quickie vacuum cleaner 101 lesson. It may just be filler because I didn't have any good topics today for a blog. OR it might actually be beneficial to someone, which would be even better.

Monday, June 04, 2012

* Bees are disappearing all over the world. No one seems to be able to explain why. I can. They are all hiding in a massive hive in the forrest planning day and night, training from dusk till dawn, battle hungry. They are coming to sting all of our faces off.

* Always have a speech prepared in case you get asked to speak at a funeral. I have one in my wallet. Here's a preview: "My fellow mourners, we have come to say goodbye to _______. (He/She) was not a flashy person.. in fact I believe (he/she) would have wanted us to just go ahead and move on to the meal.. So, let's eat!" (Fist bump the casket on the way back to your seat.)

* Due to a shortage of pork, Denny's is discontinuing the popular Moons Over My Hammy meal. It has been replaced by a new dish called Waffle That Tastes Pretty Awful.

Saturday, June 02, 2012

It's silly to even think that any state would allow gay people to be "married". Why?

* It doesn't even make sense. They have to ONLY want it for the benefits. So they want to be "married" for a lower insurance rate. Is that why you get married?

* It doesn't make sense whether you believe in Christianity OR if you are an atheist. Why? Homosexuality is clearly condemned in the Bible. Both Old and New Testament. And an Atheist who believes in evolution would need to note that homosexuality would actually equal devolution since there is no ability to procreate. "But they can adopt." Really. That still involves real actual sex. So in other words if we were all gay human existence would die out in one generation.

* I believe that there are people who may even be born with the proclivity towards homosexuality. However, each of us is called to sacrifice ourselves for Christ. So I believe a Christian can crucify those desires for the sake of living for Him. We all have to do this every day. I have yet to EVER hear of even one gay person who chose to remain sexually pure until "marriage". Even straight people are called to be sexually pure. We are called to refrain from lots of things. Things that we naturally want to do. But no matter how hard it is we are called to put those things aside for the sake of Christ. So homosexuality and womanizing are both put aside, which ever your carnal desires are. Only Jesus Christ can help you overcome that.

Friday, June 01, 2012

To try and spur myself and reinvigorate myself I have decided that I am going to pledge to blog every day in the month of June.

So let's go..

* Why is blogging important? Not because everyone needs a diary, or a journal. It's because in the future information will be controlled and having a voice is important. You need to be willing to die for things like this!

* I watched a documentary by some liberal goofball recently which had a segment in it about evil fisherman and how dolphins are getting caught in tuna nets. First of all, not one time during the show did this person show one bit of concern for the tuna. It's only the cute animals that are worth saving. Second of all, they are supposedly almost as smart as humans. If that's true you'd think they'd be catching us first and randomly dragging us into the ocean. Instead they bat beach balls around in tanks at Sea-World for our amusement.

* Along those same lines there was an article today in the Wichita paper (Here it is.) that said PETA members want to have a memorial at a spot on Interstate 70 where a vehicle crash ended in the death of dozens of cattle that were being transported. Let me repeat myself as simply as I can so even PETA members could understand it.. PETA wants to use tax payer money to place a memorial at a site where cows died that were being transported en route to the slaughter house to be ground up into hamburger. I just have nothing more to say about this.