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May31

Top Five Characters Who Belong On Sports Teams

I said I would do another one of these if and when I thought of them, so here one is. For this category, I’ve obviously discounted players from FIFA/Madden etc, as well as people like Batman and his ilk who aren’t video game characters first and foremost. Also, no place for Cole Train, simply because I feel since he actually was an NFL star and therefore actually was on a sports team, he doesn’t really fit this list. Finally, I’ve avoided archery for characters who are quite plainly archers.

As always feel free to leave suggestions in the comments box.

Honourable Mentions

Kaiden Alenko – Mass Effect (Fishing)Personally, I can imagine nothing more boring than sitting in a freezing cold boat in the middle of a lake all day with a length of string dangling into the water from a piece of wood clutched in my stiff, icy hands. Nothing that is, apart from doing all that accompanied by nobody’s favourite Canadian, Kaiden Alenko.

TOP FIVE

5. Ace – Final Fantasy: Type-0 (Poker)Seriously, if this guy learned to control his magic a little more, he’d rake in millions on the World Tour. I mean, he can summon cards at will. The only problem is at the moment he summons them above his head. Not the most discrete. But hey, if anyone accused him of cheating, he could just use the cards to cut off their heads. They’re razor sharp, apparently. Then again, this is a game were a flute is a legitimately powerful weapon against an unearthly demon. Razor sharp magic playing cards seem quite normal.

4. Jimmy Hopkins – Bully (Football/Soccer)The achievement for kicking that football up against the wall over and over again was a pain in the arse. That kid had better be good enough to go pro now, otherwise it was a complete waste of time.

3. Sera – Dragon Age: Inquisition (Cricket)She may not have Brett Lee’s pace nor the swing of Jimmy Anderson, but trust me, Sera is a seamer you definitely want in your eleven. Her general lack of discipline and attention span means she probably wouldn’t be much use with the bat nor in the field, but that never stopped Monty Panesar playing for England. Plus, he didn’t have Sera’s secret weapon. When Sera runs in to bowl, it’s not a cricket ball in her hand, it’s a jar of bees. She’d only need one over to incapacitate the oppositions’ top order.

2. Faith Connors – Mirror’s Edge (American Football)Probably not the toughest female ever to grace the video game industry, and she’d be just about the worst pick you could think of for linebacker or defensive end, but damn if she wouldn’t be one hell of a wide receiver. More slippery than an eel in a tub full of butter, there wouldn’t be a player on the pitch who’d even get near her.

1. The Boss – Saint’s Row (Baseball)Just imagine it: she (or he, but if you don’t play as Laura Bailey you’re not playing it right) steps up to the plate, kicks the dirt off her spikes, sets her stance and… that’s not a bat! Cover the children’s eyes! America’s Pastime is supposed to be a family affair, but that’s just not how the Boss rolls. She’s got a whole locker full of eccentric bats to have a different one for every innings. And you can’t argue with her. She’s President of the United States. If she says it was a ball, the ump better agree or he’ll end up in Guantanamo.

Posted by N7 Renegade ARH on 31 May 15 at 08:43
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