Boobs Are So Last Season.

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My boyfriend once told me, "Jessica, if I wanted a girl with no hips and no breasts, I wouldn't bother leaving the locker room." This preceeded a rant about how gay men shaped the fashion industry and made women aspire to look like pre-pubescent boys. I nodded my head and shrugged off his thoughts, instead choosing to hit the gym to whittle down my hips and show some bony pelvis. But, as a woman who has boobs, I have to say that fashion has, perhaps, gone a little too far.

Because boobs are out. Yes. Out. That natural (or bought) curve that brings the boys to the yard is on high style's "icky and trashy" list. So, it's time to remove them, box them up with some mothballs, and save them for next season.

Vogue's fashion director Lucinda Chambers makes it clear that a girl's best assets are worse than last season: they are over, over, over, and must be disguised at all costs. In the latest edition she tells a full-chested writer who wants to know how the new spring look will work for her: 'You need a minimizer bra.' She brooks no negotiation.

Personally, I think those in charge of fashion have gone a little far in creating a negative connotation for everything that delineates female from male, woman from girl. Anyone else find this slightly ridiculous? I think next season fashion will either demand that women balloon to 300 pounds but maintain tiny ankles…or just be honest and explain that having two X chromosomes is totally passé.

But, should you want to minimize…here are some options. As a former bra specialist, I always dissuaded women from purchasing minimizers as they typically made breasts look square and oddly shaped. Wacoal and Chantelle were the best of the not-quite-so-rectangular options, though.