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Friday, April 1, 2016

Ten Reasons Why Music Now is Better Than Music "Then"

There I was sitting in the waiting room at the Dr.'s office and some morning tele-vision talk show modeled after Oprah meets the View was playing. The host began to compare Janet Jackson to Elton John, both first ladies of pop music from different eras. The host said while John might have flashy suits, in the end his show is John sitting at a piano and singing, and Janet might be lip synching, but she is up working hard shaking her booty. So this Revelation that maybe music shouldn't be taken seriously and the entertainment it is what you are loading your brain with. So maybe we have been making to big a deal about people who can play instruments versus those who just push buttons or have their producer push buttons. So here are some match ups to explain why music now beats music then. Then being the music of the past four or five decades once thought to have shaped our culture.

Sam Hunt vs Hank Williams sr

Hank Sr

Hank pours his heart into every note he sings, but that can be depressing and who wants to be depressed. This was recorded in 1949 without the benefit of auto-tune, so you can hear when his voice cracks and strains. Many might regard this a classic country, but it sounds like the making of an alcoholic.

Sam Hunt

Hunt mixes country music with hip-hop, what could be wrong with that? Hunt the first country artist to have all of the singles from his debut album to peak within the top 40, so something must be working for him.
Hunt wins he doesn't need to stand there and play guitar when he can dance around like Marky Mark and trade his cow boy boots in for some Jordans.

Kesha vs Morrissey

Morrissey

Morrissey fronted the Smiths who created what spawned into indie rock. Lyrically he always uses sarcasm and metaphor, so why can't he just come out and say whatever he needs to say? He might be the better singer of the two, but when was the last time you heard a solo Moz song on the radio? He is always in conflict with the record label for being a diva, you would think he could at least find a more valid reason to turn down money like having a producer touch his no-no box.

Kesha

Kesha knows how to use auto tune when she is rapping, that is an art form unto it's self. People try to touch her junk ,while Morrissey wasted most of his life avoiding sex. Who knows if Kesha will ever enter a studio again do to producer phobia. Kesha wins this one because people want to dance and have fun rather than mope around and engage in painful introspection, after all that's why we take Molly and drink ourselves silly every weekend. Morrissey doesn't do any of that so he just can't understand what it's like to be young and stupid.

Drake vs Krs -One

Krs-one

Who the fuck is Krs-One you ask? What the fuck is Boogie Down Productions? He is sampled more than his songs are actually heard. Does any one under the age of thirty know who this guy is ? If not then how can he be any good at all. Who cares about where rap came from we only care about where it's going.

Drake

Now here is a guy with something to say. He is obviously hard as hell and from the streets because he is concerned about who is calling him on this cell-phone. Krs-One might get up in your face and diss you, but that won't get you bitches and isn't that what hip-hop should be about? So that is why Drake wins.

Babymetal vs Iron Maiden

This one is easy Iron Maiden might have invented the post- Sabbath brand of classic power prog metal and have high brow lyrical content about every other book in the library. However Baby Metal wins because well they are little Asian girls in leather skirts who perform anime style dances with the promise of a happy ending. Baby Metal you will love them long time.

Nicki Minaj Vs Kate Bush

Kate Bush

Sure Kate has a four octave voice and Tori Amos and half the female artists from 90s would not exist if not for Kate, but you can't dance to her songs, because they sound like mini operas.

Nicki Minaj

She really has it all... the boobs for white folks and the ass for bruthas. How many decades ago was it that you could masturbate to Kate Bush? The 70s and even then she was dressed like a refugee from the Muppet Show, sex sells and Kate Bush is now writing songs about snow flakes and washing machines, not even Prince could add sex appeal to her sound.

Lady Gaga Vs David Bowie

Bowie

It's not secret Bowie's popularity soared after his death. His last number one hit after "Let's Dance" was the duet he did with Mick Jagger "Dancing In the Streets". He has Gaga outclassed when it comes to acting, but we are talking about music, maybe not substance, but sales in recent years, that is where he certainly loses the edge here.

Lady Gaga

She proved at the Grammy's she can't beat Bowie at this own game. She beats him at the numbers game when we are talking about units sold in the past five years. He might be a more convincing as an alien than Gaga, but she looks like an alien and still convinces people to buy her albums so that is where she wins here.

Ghost vs King Diamond

King Diamond
The King might be an actual satanist, but his voice is scary. There is no way King Diamond could tour with Avenged Sevefold, the 12 year olds would get to scared of him and that's no fun. Is isn't metal supposed to be fun, if people want to watch a horror movie they would pull on up on Net-flix. Ghost might have come out decades later and trying to sell you a kinder and gentler version of their Hammer Horror, but it goes down much smoother than King Diamond's more aggressive brand.

Ghost

Ghost can change singers at the drop of their pope hat. Now they are on Poppa Smurf number four, and this one is the best yet, he sounds like the dude from Linkin Park. That is why Ghost is packing stadiums with kids who don't care about who influenced who, and don't are know who Blue Oyster Cult is. Why should they? Ghost doesn't even have to play actual metal, they can write something that is catchy with half the balls and it's more marketable, next time you drive your moms car to Warp tour count how many Ghost shirts you see versus how many King Diamond shirts you see and that will explain why Ghost wins this one.

Miley Cyrus vs Peter Gabriel

This one is the wrecking ball vs the sledge hammer . First off Peter might have gotten his start in the prog legends Genesis, but without Phil Collins they would have never made it on the radio to begin with. If Gabriel had not snagged key placement in 80's teen dramas would anyone know him? He got his start taking on different personas, but did he every settle on who he was as an artist? And yes that's Kate Bush at the beginning of the song below.

Miley

Hannah Montana might have been having a party in the usa way before she was twerking, she clearly is the dominate force in this match up, with little confusion in what genre she was trying to appeal to or having to rely on a name someone else built in the past, be it family or past band mates. Gabriel has a distinct vocal tone, but Miley goes from her speaking voice that sounds like a chain smoking forty year old to a producer's wet dream. Speaking of which would you want to see Peter Gabriel swinging around in his under wear on You Tube? So Miley wins.

Bruno Mars vs Marvin Gaye

Marvin Gaye
Sure Gaye was ground breaking in his day and has an incredible voice. But while the compositions on his 15th album "Here My Dear" might have been masterpieces, it was a commercial flop. In the studio he and his backing band were all high on cocaine and created something that was a hybrid mix of soul, funk, and disco. So it bring up the age old question if a tree falls in the woods and know one hears it...does this make Gaye's album worthless while Mars is heard by millions ?

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Bruno Mars-

On his hit song "Locked Out of Heaven" Bruno Mars being the genius he is takes a riff by the Police and weaves it into pop gold that plays in the bathrooms of Wal-marts every where, while Gaye is reduced to elevator music.Sure Gaye might have brought social issues of the day to top 40 radio, Mars makes powerful statements in regards to racial stereotypes in his video for "the Lazy Song".

Mars is headlining stadiums and Super Bowl half time shows so obvious he is the winner here.

Kayne West vs Prince

Prince

Prince had a revolution, a new power generation and transformed from a symbol back to being himself. He produces his albums all by himself while Kayne has 26 producers on one album. This might tell you Prince doesn't play well with others. He is an enigma while Kayne stays in your face, when was the last time anyone thought about Prince?

Kayne

Kayne is a master of auto tune and knows how to pack a studio full of producers. He might not be able to play a single instrument while Prince can play all of them, but you won't care because you will only think of the massive media brand that he has created for himself. Prince is a recluse only known for his golden oldies while the rest of the world is waiting for Kayne to tweet his farts. So Kayne wins this one. In the final blow to the music of yesteryear.