Please Don’t Be Fully Financially Dependent on Someone Else

For anybody new, I’m 20-21 weeks pregnant as of right now. I’ve been blogging about personal finance, budgeting, and my life in general here since February 2010. And I just joined a few mommy Facebook groups in the last few weeks to help myself prepare for what is coming and to start building support networks since only a couple of our friends have kids.

Main New Mommy Group Topics

Here is what I’ve figured out by just looking around the mommy group posts every day:

1. Sleep is HUGE. Sleep training versus just holding them versus whatever is like THE TOPIC, always. I’m leaning towards a steady routine so they get used to a process, but obviously, there are dozens of ways to handle sleep time and you do whatever works for you, boo boo.

2. Lack of partner support is sadly also one of the top topics. Like depressingly prevalent. For the record, I’m with anybody who says that partners don’t babysit their own kids while a mom takes a break. It’s called taking care of your kid. I get that we pregnant women have the breast milk and whatnot. But that doesn’t mean the entire raising process of this tiny human is on us! Thankfully, if how he is treating me while pregnant is any indication, my hubby is going to be an excellent baby-raising partner. I just have to accept that he’ll be the pushover between the two of us. I’m okay with that mostly, lol.

3. MONEY! So many parents have money problems and questions. Ranging from the general, “How do you make it work on one income?” all the way to some horrific examples of the only employed partner deciding to quit their job and not looking for another one. Oh, and don’t forget the 1-2 weekly posts from an abused mommy or mommy-to-be with no way of getting away because they have never had control over the money at all.

HOLY HELL!

Man or woman, you need to have access to cash and credit in some way.

Protect Yourself

The person managing your household purse strings could die, leave you, become an abusive hellion, etc. In order to protect yourself, here are some suggestions for absolutely everyone.

1. Have access to cash. I highly suggest keeping at least a few hundred dollars of cash socked away for emergencies. Do you need to hide a whole second life from your significant other? NO. But each of y’all having access to cash is just safe. If my husband and I were physically separated during the power outages of Hurricane Ike or Hurricane Harvey, we could at least pay our way for the supplies and gas we needed with cash.

2. Know the passwords to your joint money accounts as well as any individual one(s) of your own.

3. Unless you have hundreds of thousands of dollars saved in liquid assets, stop telling me that you don’t need to build your credit score because you won’t use it. You don’t know what you may need in the future for sure! How do you rent a car, buy a car or house, open accounts, etc. if you’re an adult that doesn’t exist in the credit world? It’s REALLY hard. And totally avoidable! Open a credit card in your name, charge a little thing on it every month, and pay it off every month. No interest paid, no real problem, and you will at least exist in the world for future lending or accounts!!!

4. Don’t isolate yourself! I love my husband. He’s my best friend. He’s the first person I want to share good and bad things with, and we call each other first with all sorts of news. BUT WE EACH HAVE OTHER CLOSE FRIENDS AND FAMILY. If my husband loses his damn mind, gets a brain tumor that changes him, dies, or whatever, I have others I can rely on to help me. Ditto for him. It’s just a good idea! It’s part of that whole theme…don’t leave yourself at one person’s mercy since you never know what life will throw at you in the future.

And it’s not just women. No one should be completely at someone else’s financial mercy on purpose!!! Male or female, be prepared!

FYI: I worked at a dead end cubicle job from 2005-2011 for about $30,000 per year. I went self-employed in July 2011 and make between $70,000-$90,000 through blogging, professional pet sitting, hubby's reffing, and our rental home. If you’d like to start your own site (link to my free step-by-step guide), I highly suggest checking out Bluehost (my referral link with a nice discount for you, PLUS a free custom header banner from me!).
Please contact me any time at budgetingfunstuff*at*gmail*dot*com with questions or just to brainstorm! I’d love to help!

It scares me half to death when someone tethers themselves to a spouse and doesn’t have control over any of their assets, even the kids’ savings. I control all our money but I make sure that PiC is named a joint accountholder or that it’s part of the trust so that he always has access.

Also sleep? Gather a list of possible tactics now, see what works for you. That’s all that can be accurately and intelligently said about that!

After getting a divorce and being a single momma! I agree its best to educate yourself BEFORE it happens! When I was married my husband was the main breadwinner and I had no clue how much things cost. Yes I worked throughout the marriage and held down a job but I gave him cash each month and he paid the bills. I realize how much trust and naivety I had when it came to that. When we finally separated I realized how little I know and asked a coworker to help me with budgeting and read everything I could get my hands to help me learn about personal finance! Now that im dating again I know so much more but this is great advice here Especially to single momma’s you’ll need the support! For late nights when baby just wont sleep, till a babysitter , to just some ADULT to talk to! I try not to forget that to now that im in the *honeymoon* phase lol! but its important to keep up your friendship and with family as much as possible. Also abusers tend to try to isolate you because it makes it easier for you to abuse so keep that in mind.

Add to that: GET A CREDIT CARD IN YOUR NAME ONLY. If hubby is so controlling he won’t put up with that, have statements send to a friend or relative’s home.

Here’s the reason: you may not be able to open a credit card after you divorce, because as a divorcee your credit rating will go straight down the deepest well on the planet.

My ex- and I had top-flight credit. I have never, EVER been late on a payment at any time in my entire, lengthy life. Yet after I left him, a department store where I’d shopped for decades refused to issue me a credit card in my name. Reason: no credit rating.

If you have a source of income that the abusive spouse cannot monitor — possibly money from a parent or some such, or even if you’re able to skim off a few bucks from the grocery bills to put into savings — open a separate bank account in your name only. Preferably, this should be in a different bank from the one you’re using with not-so-DH; although the bank legally is not allowed to show you the contents of an account that does not have your name on it, you never know. If it’s in a different bank, it’ll be hard for him to find it; again, have statements sent to a friend’s house, to your office, or to a rented mailbox.

My name is Crystal Stemberger and I love that you're reading this right now! Welcome to my online lair! I crave making sincere connections with real people, which I strive to do through blogging, professional pet sitting, volunteering, and stepping in to help when and where I can. I hope to "meet" you in the comments soon!

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I am not a professional or a financial advisor. BFS posts are informational opinions only. Please make your own financial decisions based on personal research or see a financial advisor.

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