Everything fine, no thoughts of gambling . Made concrete changes in my mind set and life to keep me focussed . Next thing to plan for is the next payday and having a week at home on my own whilst the wife and children go to Poland on holiday . To be fair any spare money I may have had is going to that . I will be relatively skint but a nice skint!

Hope everyone is doing well , I am still reading diaries and new members posts

Life is flatlining to a level that I am comfortable with . No peaks and troughs . No boom or bust . Brilliant feeling having taken control back . Wife can’t believe I have money all the time to be able to buy shopping , treat kids and also treating myself (within reason as us gamblers don’t tend to be high maintenance !) Can’t begin to imagine my life with gambling in it , not had any thoughts directly . It’s tough when you are watching tv and 2 adverts out of 5 are for gambling but now I can think rationally about it . They put them on because they make a fortune of people like you and hi who deluded ourselves thinking we can get something for nothing . I’m sure you have heard the phrase if it’s too good to be true it probably is ? Well that’s definitely the case with these adverts . I have read a few times on here that some people want them banned , they make us gamble . I just think they light the fuse that’s already waiting . Just don’t let yourself be that fuse . To anyone starting out on their journey , it can be done and your life increases in quality a thousand fold within a few short weeks . To those who have been abstaining for long periods , you have helped me on this forum by me reading your stories and getting your input and advice . To those who have done long stints and relapsed - massive kudos for coming back here , it takes a lot of guts and courage to firstly admit to yourself and then everyone else your slip . You know you will come back stronger . To anyone who is still gambling and dipping their toe in the water to stop - don’t just dip your toe . Dive into this forum and give it your all , it does work and it will work for you if you want it to . I will keep checking in and I also read as many stories , diaries and other articles as I can . It’s working for me so I’m not changing this winning formula . When I say winning I mean winning in life

Thought I would give an update . Yes that’s 8 weeks without gambling . The wife is happy . I am able to do things I told myself before wasn’t possible . Always having money . Taking kids bowling , roller skating , treating them to Lego , going to subway without worrying about the price , buying myself decent beers and not trying to get the bargains . We had a problem with a leaking roof we had the money to pay for it without me wanting to gamble . Everything I have just mentioned has money as the main topic . That’s the tangible benefit of stopping . The mental and emotional side it’s hard to quantify as you tend to forget how bad you felt before . I know that I have made a lot of progress with all of that but it’s hard to gauge yourself if that makes sense ? I do know that I am no longer feeling a sense of panic or even worthlessness . I do have blocks like online gambling is not possible but the biggest block is my mindset . Been plenty of situations that I could have gambled on pub machines or driven to a motorway service station if I really wanted to but the simple fact is I don’t want to . I know I can’t gamble again and I have surrendered myself to that and to be honest it feels normal . Got a PPI claim upheld that would give me £1200 in a couple of weeks . That’s a credit card cleared . My credit score is improving weekly because I am living a normal life . With regards to this site , don’t think for a moment I have walked away from it and don’t know what I am . I just don’t feel that need to put everything on a diary at this stage of my recovery . As always feel free to say hi , life does get a little better daily . Once you string a number of days together it gets way better .

Still going strong . Wife is away with the children and I just got paid which previously could have been danger . This time it’s different . Played snooker every night except one in the last 7 days . Keeps me away from trouble . Luckily I have a few different friends who play so it was different company each time . Treated myself in a clothes shop only went in for a jumper . Came out with Italian boots , designer jeans , top , belt as they had 50% off so still spent £140 but was happy it wasn’t wasted . Also went out last night with my work friends , properly threw some drinks down our necks . I am their boss at work so got a couple more rounds , spent £90 but honestly don’t mind that . Looking into a re mortgage but can’t do anything until December until I can fight the Argos situation . My unsecured debt is currently around £1000 a month on top of my mortgage . Affordable but some of the items like my overdraft are just costing me and not reducing the balance . Approved for a loan to clear all this high interest stuff and will get my outgoings down to £250 a month from £1000. When I re mortgage in December I can clear this loan with some of the equity I have and get it down to 1.9% not the 30 and 40% loans I have . Crazy when you think about it . Also get a new company car in a couple of months . Choosing a hybrid will reduce my BIK tax down so it will save me £200 a month to what I am currently paying . All these things add up to being comfortable long term , couldn’t have considered it whilst still gambling . Going to update weekly I think but I have been popping on here now and again . My mind feels a lot better my mother even said she was proud of my when before she said she didn’t care !

Good to hear from you, all sounds very positive. I know what you mean about the high interest loans/credit cards. Still got just over half my debt tied up on one. Should have an option to imporve that myself in a few months, fingers crossed.

I've got this week off work (i was off last week too). Gunna re-tip my pool cues and head out to check out my locals!

Thanks SJ and little miss . Appreciate you popping by . Snooker is ok but even you can do that too much . I seem to focus on mostly financial things but when you are trying to solve your problems for me the financial part is critical . So many years on a ridiculously good salary but absolutely not enjoying the benefits of it . I’m starting to see that in 2 months and it keeps me on the straight and narrow . I accept everyone has a different situation . I needed to see first hand the benefit to really want to stop . I have no need to gamble . However when in that viscous circle I kidded myself that I had to gamble to stay afloat and have a normal life . It’s complete rubbish ! Hope you are both doing well I do pop by and read everyone’s stories . Thanks again for your support it still means just as much now as it did on day 1.

Hi Bryan, just popping bye and really chuffed for you. We started this journey together, and going to be a huge thing celebrating next Xmas together gamble free. We'll have to meet up, or at least raise a glass at an agreed time!! Glad you're doing so well. I'm fine on the gamble front - still haven't resolved the "why did I gamble - boredom / depression" underlying issue, but at least I've decided that bored / depressed is better than bored/ depressed + gambling stress! Glad you're still checking in - I am most days, although not posting too much on my diary, as every day pretty much the same, and nothing too exciting to report ... I guess that's some sort of positive ... never too late for you on the snooker front ... Ronnie seemingly getter better in his 40s ... bit too late for me since I've backed him big time in most tournaments for last 20 years!! Cheers. Rich

Firstly thanks Rich for your post , would be good to meet up once we have done a stint , I’m based in staffordshire not sure where you are ?

So Day 70, all good . I had a dream last night that I was putting physical notes into my laptop and gambling online , really strange one but when I woke up and realised I hadn’t gambled , it was a good feeling .

Had a friends 40th birthday last night went into town on a money no object drinking binge . To be fair in the past I would always be limited but not this time . I still value money but it’s nice to let loose sometimes

Work wise everything fine , the weather means that we can’t get all of our jobs finished on sites so it means it could affect my wages this month . A problem in the past but not so much now

I feel good in myself , not saying I am through the woods yet but apart from the dream I haven’t had any thoughts of gambling . Good luck to anyone starting out the first few weeks are the toughest and it does improve quickly

As I said before I feel a weekly update is working for me rather than a daily one . On the gambling front everything great . It’s become a habit not to gamble . I have had no real thoughts about doing it . Occasionally you forget that you have quit and the odd flash about gambling online came to me . A nano second about what card I could deposit on . This was soon combatted by the thought that I have self excluded online from so many places that even if I found one and won they wouldn’t pay out. So people the blocks do work . Re mortgaging wise in the process of doing something that will free up £750 a month for the family when I clear the last of my debts . A new company car will make my tax less plus a couple of other things will free up a total of £1000 a month over and above the money we had before. So I will be in a great position with absolutely no need to gamble . I’m starting to get used to having money all the time . If I want to treat the kids I do . If I want to treat myself I can . I’m not scared anymore about the wife discussing the next holiday or house purchase . In the past I have said that I seem to focus on the finanicial side but it’s a massive part of gambling . Mentally I’m in the best place I have been for a long time . Sleeping well, in fact a lot of nights I’m tired as I can relax . I’m not waking up in the morning or going to sleep worrying . I don’t have to lie anymore to people around me and that’s also a massive plus . It was my sons birthday yesterday and I spoilt him as I realise that we are not going to be around forever and if I can make my kids happy I will. I think , well I know , that when gambling the important things didn’t matter that much . Crazy when you think some people crave a wife and children . A gambler tends care about gambling more and would risk them as well as the money . Thankfully , my the skin of my teeth , I managed to retain everything and now it’s all got better . Back to normal isn’t something I want to be because I gambled all through my 10 year marriage and through my kids life’s . I want to be better than normal and am starting to go on a journey with my familiy to somewhere that isn’t surviving from month to month or with the limits my gambling selfishly placed upon them through no fault of any of them . Look forward to hearing from any members out there , come and say hi

Great update, and glad you are doing so well. Also looks like the financial position is going to be positive. I'm not updating much at the moment, as nothing particulalry interesting to say! I remain gamble free, although I'm not sure my life has improved as much as yours ... I just feel very bored .... have a trip to Disneyland over Easter, and then need to sort out a more rewarding job, as just feel like I'm plodding on at the moment. Nice to see the update, and won't be long before we hit the ton! Rich

Great to see you are doing so well, I look out for your diary every week, I've been free of fobt's since 28/12/17. I don't even know how many weeks that is and I won't check, but I keep going 1 day at a time. I know that for me, its a long time without stuffing notes in those machines. Like you, I sleep much better now there are no more secrets, in fact I look back now and wonder how I lived like that, massive losses, always broke, hidden debt, refusing to discuss money matters for fear of being found out. The things we did must have had an adverse affect on our health, it's so stressful.

My wife and I were doing my finances today and I have built my savings so quickly that I was genuinely shocked when she showed me my bank account, I dread to think how much I have lost, but I only look forward now.

Your diary is a great help to me so keep posting Bryan, genuinely pleased you are doing so well.

Thanks Greenflash and I am happy that you found my diary useful. I had a read back over yours , are you still struggling with your confidence ? You have done great giving up for so long . To all of my gamcare friends here , it’s so easy to see someone doing 10,20 , 40 or whatever days it is . We often forget that each day is an achievement and should be celebrated . We have all come a long way in a short space of time, even if we don’t want to or can’t acknowledge that ourselves . I honestly couldn’t get to this part of my recovery without any of you . I have learnt a lot from every individual so thank you

Congratulations Brian. That was a great post which shows just how far you have come in your recovery.

I say recovery because that's what it's about. We have been deluded and living in a fantasy world. For no reason we jeopardized everything we held dear.

We can't undo whats been done but we can get out now and take whatever is left to be salvaged...stephen

Thanks Stephen completely agree with you . Thank you for taking the time to post an update . It’s true that you can do so much on your own with stopping gambling but it’s great to have someone like yourself in my corner supporting me . This whole siege mentality that we all have is infectious . It’s a strange club where everyone here wants everyone to do well, no jealously or anything like that . Keep posting and I will keep responding !

Just read back over my early posts and I was really struggling those first few weeks. My confidence and self esteem are up and I feel great, the problem with the fobt's is that they isolate you. I always played them alone as deep down I was ashamed of what I was doing, hoping for the big win to make me feel great, but no longer socialising or doing the things I used to.

For me, it definitely had a mental impact along with the financial impact. Also in the first few weeks I was moody and difficult with my wife, I guess as she is the closest person to me. But I've had no problems after the first month or so and I am finding it easy enough, no urges, no mood swings etc. I certainly do not say that in an arrogant way, and I am well aware of many posters on here who have relapsed, so I keep my guard up always. The biggest help for me, is absolutely no access to funds to gamble with, it seems to have relaxed me so much. This has brought my confidence back as I just crack on with other things. When we quit, our lives improve in many ways and your diary is testament to that.

All is good . Been more active on this site the last few days . Nice to see some new faces here all having an input and also some older friends , you know who you are . Really busy week work wise with people on holiday . I’m dealing with over 200 emails a day , phone calls and running a business when the MD works half his time in Germany and half in the UK. I end up doing his role plus mine but it’s good practice for a couple of years time when he retires and it will be me responsible for all of the staff and making sure we are successful . Always managed to keep professional at work and do well despite carrying such a burden around all these years . Been spinning in the gym 3 times this week and doing 3 sessions next week. More motivated to do it now . I’m the final stages of sorting a remortgage to free up loads of cash and finally be able to purchase a new boiler . It’s like having a car that does 2 miles per gallon and you can’t turn it on very often because when you do it leaks ! Gambling wise no urges or thoughts but still not complacent . I know too well by reading stories here that we are only one step away from pressing that self destruct button but as I said before I won’t be a slave to it . Took kids bowling this morning seems to be our regular thing with the wife at work all day which was nice to spend time with them . Had a quote to cut a massive tree down on my property , was pretty high at £360 I’m sure I will be shopping around . Nothing planned for tomorrow . Still checking my bank like a mad man waiting for £1200 refund from PPI. It’s strange as when I was waiting for gambling money i wasn’t that obsessed even though I have no plans to spend this . I thinks it’s a case of being able to do something constructive rather than destructive is driving me . Been 28 days waiting so a few more days isn’t going to matter (never thought I would be saying that ) . Will update again in due course , thanks to all who have joined me on this ride

Hey Bryan, nice to see you clocking up those gamble free days. Do you enjoy your role at work? Sounds very manic indeed. How big is the tree? My dad cuts down trees you see so wondered how good/bad the price was. Scott

Hi Scott . Yes I do enjoy work I have been there 15 years and had 3 promotions . Get to travel as it’s a Dutch company but also my office is 5 minutes drive . It’s a secure well paid job would have to travel to a major city to get anywhere near the package I get there . Problem as always was that I never really enjoyed the financial benefits but plan on doing so soon. The tree is a double silver birch ie 2 in one . Height is almost as high as a two storey house so it’s quite a big one . Hope you are doing well

Great to see you are in the gym, taking the kids bowling and all the other stuff. When gambling there was never the time or the money to do normal things like that, but as gamblers we could waste many hours in a bookies. It feels like being a normal person again. I've been doing my ppi form this weekend too, i have 2 cards with ppi. I always talked about doing it but the truth is I could'nt be bothered when I was gambling as it was too much time and effort. Different mindset these days.

I noticed a comment you made on jackdaniels365 thread. You wrote about the mindset of being a non-gambler compared to being a gambler with no access to money. I put all the blocks in place so I don't have access to funds, but I wonder if that is enough, you have certainly made think whether I am just covering up the problem and if there is anything else that can be done.

I think that by asking that question you already know the answer . Blocks are great they do exactly what they say on the tin . They give you an opportunity to stand back and breathe and hopefully stop you from thinking about gambling as you have cut off the supply . That can happen on day 1 and it’s an instant fix . Changing your mindset and stopping your addiction is possibly a life long process . That’s not to mean as I have said before to be a slave to it . I would probably compare this situation to someone who has been left on a dessert island for many years (the time you have spent gambling ). It’s almost impossible to know anything else in your life that you use as an emotional crutch , as your friend and also as company . Stopping gambling is like being rescued from that island . The blocks are there and that’s day 1. Now the rest of your life moving forward is trying to undo your mindset and re integrate yourself to try and become “normal”. It’s not going to be easy as you have been in exile for so long but it does get easier over time . What could apply to you is to look inside yourself and see if you could do something mentally and physically to take yourself away from the gambling . I’m finding that in the past it’s habit and normal to gamble , now it’s normal not to . We adjust very quickly if we want to

Hi Bryan thanks for popping by, I had read the odd post on your diary and have just read it from the start. Great advice for others and logical thinking getting you to a commendable 85 days! I'm looking forward to seeing what the next year brings after feeling hopeless for so long. Take care S :)

Hi Bryan thanks for popping by, I had read the odd post on your diary and have just read it from the start. Great advice for others and logical thinking getting you to a commendable 85 days! I'm looking forward to seeing what the next year brings after feeling hopeless for so long. Take care S :)

Thank you Sharon for investing some of your time to read my ramblings ! Sometimes you do feel like no one is reading it even after 80+ days so thank you for caring and reading my diary . I’m so pleased that you have managed to arrest this and long may it continue

Think I am making progress . I haven’t had any urges and my family can see a definite improvement in everything about me . Just purchased the World Cup Panini sticker album that I can do with the kids . Will take them bowling tomorrow and shopping for new school shoes on Sunday . Both things while relatively inexpensive were out of my reach before mentally (when you begrudge any other spend ) and financially (where you don’t have any money to do it ) . Got my PPI money last week which I paid off some debts and treated myself a little . Going through the process of re mortgage and also fighting an unjust score on my credit report that I mentioned before with Argos . I’m in contact with the financial ombudsman and what happened was Argos took me off a debt management plan 2 years ago unknown to me even though I was paying the DMP. When they did this they then hit me with arrears and missed payments and I was totally oblivious to it as I was still paying the DMP and even increased my payments to them . The DM company emailed me today to support my case saying that it was completely unfair what they did . So we will see what happens . So if any of you haven’t read my back story I am married to a Polish woman. I can speak some polish . In fact to an ok level and can be understood whenever I hear the language and can understand what is being said . I have worked for a Dutch company for 15 years and can understand very small amounts. And at school I studied German for 5 years but can’t remember any ! Well since I finished my university course 3 years ago I have been a bit of a mental loafer away from work . Tonight I have ordered myself CD’s to learn to speak Dutch . I feel I need a new challenge and focus . It’s not going to really do anything for my career prospects as they all speak good English but I want to do it for myself . Been to the gym 3 times last week and twice already this week so I have got my motivation now on a physical and mental level . I’m trying to change a lot in my life for the better . As said a lot before if nothing changes nothing changes . Received a few emails today from online casinos where they have confirmed my self exclusion until 2022 which is the maximum term . Deleted straight away but reinforces to me that the blocks are there and it’s pointless for me even trying to think about it . Been on this site quite a bit , not sure why as I haven’t been on a lot for a week or two . Many of you will probably see me commenting but I don’t see it as a bad thing . It is still working for me . Looking at the days I have clocked up I know I haven’t abstained this long since before I met my wife and we have been together 12 years . As always , the please say hi on my diary . Just because I am approaching 90 days (yes GA have their own separate leaflet for that !) it doesn’t mean I don’t require the support from others out there . We are all vulnerable to it and I sit here and am thankful that I have come to the right place for me at the right time in my life

Well done on 90 days GF mate. What a turn around, huh? It feels crazy to see the otherside of life Vs when we are stuck in the cycle of gambling. Heard you talking about watching other people going out/spending money on themselves and wondering how they can afford to do it, so true. It is good to feel what each £ can do to REALLY fulfill our days and you are doing just that.

Having a trashed credit score isn't a bad thing for a CG IMO. I'm extremely comfortable with the fact Mr L would find it tricky to get his hands on substantial amounts, less comfortable with the fact his score is rising albeit slowly although he has this mitigated by NOC's stating he's not to be offered credit.Your remortgage is in the final stages so presumably approved on paper. How crucial is a good score really?

Good evening Brian and congratulations on 90 days GF. I am full of admiration for your approach to recovery and salute your excellent progress

After setting out your stall you have never wavered and your commitment to a gamble free life has been 100%.

Also impressed with your stamina, enthusiasm and willingness to learn new skills. When not engaged in work related matters you are enjoying quality time with your family, exercising in the gym or maybe supporting your gamcare friends on the diaries.

Many thanks for painting such a positive picture of recovery....stephen

SJW and Stephen thank you for your kind comments . It’s a two way thing this whole site is . You put a lot in but you also get a lot out . I thank you both for being regular contributors on my diary and others

Lethe the above also applies . With regards to getting a better credit score it’s the difference on a mortgage for me of around £250 a month from a squeaky clean file to what my Argos card has caused me . Ok I’m used to paying a £1k mortgage plus around £850 a month servicing debt on top of that I was supporting the family and then losing what was left Basically the difference in the rates can absorb my £20k ish gambling debts and my monthly repayments will still be less than the £1k a month I am currently paying . Basically the gambling debt is absorbed in a better interest rate freeing up for my family £850 a month all the extra I had left monthly . So it does matter quite a lot as hopefully the figures show . I’m in a top management job but I may as well be unemployed with the lifestyle gambling has given me .

Hope that explains it and why I just don’t want to keep paying all of this money out that much of it is interest on interest . It’s my utopia to be clear of it all, being able to start saving big and move forward in mylife . It’s closing the door behind me and thriving not just surviving

Thanks Stephen for your kind words . So I have reached a mini milestone today . The day I decided that enough was enough then things have improved significantly . The urges are simply not there , the odd flash through my brain which I guess is natural . Been investing in myself , if I wanted a new sound bar I went and got it, new clothes , nights out with friends , all of these things I never did and now I can . Actually got invited to a stag do but it’s at Chester races so was completely honest with my friend that it’s not for me. Just don’t want to put myself at any risk it didn’t make sense . Relationships at home and family are great , people are proud of me and I’m proud of myself . As stated in another post I’m actually enjoying my recovery . Help out where I can on the site as the first post you make is very daunting and if people are ignored or not given positive advice then they may not return. We must retain everyone we can. Thanks to all for your support it means a lot and I hope I have reciprocated a little

Well done Bryan! Wow that 100 days went fast. You've really gone for this and i see you around the forum helping others! Its great to be in a position to offer hope and support to others who were where we started. I know you know what you need to do to keep this going. Its never over but you have proven it can be controlled and a good life can be lived with it in the background.

Congrats on reaching 100 days gamble free Bryan, good to see that your are starting to enjoy life again and spending your money and time the way we should, on family and treating yourself every now and again.... keep up[ the good work ypu are doing great.

Thanks everyone for your kind wishes including Admin , my first interaction with them , it’s good to know people are around , as I said before sometimes you feel that no one reads your posts . Hope everyone has a gamble free weekend . All good this side , nice to feel part of the community

Hi Bryan belated congratulations on 100 days, fantastic milestone! I've read advice you have given others, sound and solid suggestions which can really take someone out of the darkness and show that things will get slowly. Happy Sunday S :)

Almost seems like I am writing these memoirs from a prison cell, counting the days , but this couldn’t be further from the truth. I’d like to think I’ve evolved quite a lot over the last period of abstinence. As stated on previous posts my life is going in the right direction . Been putting a new boiler off for months maybe years and finally this month I’m going to buy one with my wage or rather what’s left over . £1600 was a sum I could easily have lost in an hour or so but I’ve worked hard for it last month. It represents a moment in my life where I’m not seeking credit or trying to win the money that inevitably wouldn’t have gone towards a boiler . More like using it as credits until it’s gone and seeking more credits and other streams of finance . So yes , a new boiler and for once a sensible purchase that benefits the family . So since my last post not a lot has happened gambling wise , in fact no thoughts at all. Took kids to a mountaineering centre last Saturday which wasn’t cheap . They loved it so took them the following day too . Extravagant ? Maybe . Happy about taking them ? 100% . No regrets and it seems like I’m catching up on lost time . Relationships at home good . Been discussing next years holiday going to be Dominican but it’s a few £k something that is now possible but was only a pipe dream before . So yes , financially good . Mentally even better . Will post again in a few days on my string and likely most days on the new starters . Please do say hello I would love to hear from you all