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Today is the first day in a while that I feel better. I guess it was silly of me to think I can start a new fitness programme without having some sort of flare-up. I've still been going to the gym, but have done little more. Over the weekend I was in fairly good condition and got to do a few things with Wayne. We've been busy every weekend for about a month now and I've missed our alone time. Saturday, we spent the day just the two of us. We took the the bus into town so that I can learn to use it to get around more on my own. I still don't drive here and it's annoying to have to depend on Wayne to get around every time I want to do something. Although, the bus isn't much better because it takes twice as long to get to and from town center. Saturday night, we went to dinner just the two of us which was really nice. We haven't had a night out alone in ages and we really enjoyed ourselves.Sunday, we had a pub lunch with Doug. The food was excellent…

I'm out of commission for the second day today with severe muscle spasms and a pinched nerve in my back. The pain is honestly awful. I can't even take a deep breath without crying out. I'm not sure what caused it. This sort of thing happens from time to time with my condition. I can be fine one moment and the next I'll bend over to tend to a load of laundry and I'll be in excruciating pain. Yesterday, I went to put moisturizer on my legs after my shower and I've been in pretty bad shape ever since.I went to meet my trainer at the gym anyway to see if he could help me stretch thinking it might help and ended up even worse last night. We speculated over and over about what could have done it, (I think he feels responsible in some way), but I think the bottom line is that I'm just broken. I was broken before starting at the gym and I'll probably still be broken once I'm fit. This is just a part of being me and living with my condition. I just…

I'm feeling miserable today. I just got back from the gym. It's a beautiful day and I'd love to go out and do something, but the trouble is that I don't have anyone to do anything with. I've been waiting for some sign of spring because I thought it was the long gray winter that was getting me down, but it turns out - it wasn't. I thought joining the gym was going to make me feel better as well, but I was wrong about that too because even though I'm surrounded by people - I'm still alone. In the locker room, I over heard some girls talking about going out for lunch and I had to hold back the tears because I would just love to have someone to go to lunch with (more than anything what I'd really like is to be able to sit down with my best friend and just chat - I miss her more than anything right now). On my way home, there were girls everywhere walking along coupled or in groups and it just made me feel so alone. What's worse is that I ca…

I have finally added my photo gallery. There are a dozen or so albums so far, but I'll be adding a couple more and also adding additional photos to some of the existing albums tomorrow and early next week. I hope you like the gallery...

It's nearly 9:30 in the morning. I got up an hour ago and I'm still utterly exhausted. I started with my trainer this week and he has me at the gym twice a day (only until I lose the weight) because since I'm doing my web training from home, I just don't move around enough to burn a good amount of calories (besides during my workouts). The thing is that I've been virtually sitting on my ass in front of this computer for the last 6 months and going to the gym twice a day is a lot for me. Last night I think I fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow and at the moment, I feel like I can sleep for another 8 hours, but I promised Wayne (and myself) that I'd actually get some work done today before I head over to the gym (I'm only going once today).My trainer is really good. Although I'm still unsure if it's a good thing to have an attractive trainer. Maybe by next week I'll get used to it and I'll feel less self conscious. If I wasn&…

As a rule, there are two topics I don't blog about: religion and politics. I don't blog about it because it's not my place to force my opinion or beliefs on anyone else. Today, I'm breaking that rule because last night, I saw a story on the BBC news that I couldn't believe - South Dakota OKs ban on Abortion - I'm shocked, saddened and horrified by this! There are certainly more states throughout the country that will follow suite and I can't believe this day has come! What happened to separation of church and state?? That's what it's about to the politicians that are suddenly taking the rights of woman away - because of their religious beliefs they are ruining lives. The new law bans abortion even in cases of rape and incest! What the fuck is happening to America?? Maybe woman will have to start covering their faces in public as well and we'll start putting people to death for being atheists or believing in the wrong God. Laws like thi…

I start with my personal trainer tonight. I'm looking forward to it. It's amazing how many people have an opinion about how I should be working out. It seems everyone I talk to offers up unsolicited advice on what I should be doing and how to do it. It will be refreshing to get the guidance of a professional once and for all. Week three of my new fitness program started today. I worked out 6 days last week doing at least 40 minutes of cardio a day and 3 days of weights. Today, I did 60 minutes of cardio and I meet with the trainer tonight. Despite the pain I've had to endure (mostly due to my illness) I'm enjoying it and feel a great sense of accomplishment every time I go to workout. I've been told for years that exercise will improve my condition. I hate to say it, but I'm foolishly hoping for a miracle cure and every morning when I wake up in pain and feeling just as exhausted as I did the night before, I'm disappointed, but I drive on regardle…