Thursday, December 21, 2006

It's been several days since I wrote... certainly not because you're not in my thoughts always... just that we made the trip to Colorado. We hit a lot of snow and ice, and stopped for the night in Albuquerque. The trailer had a flat tire and Pop Pop had to change it on the snow, at night, just one week after his back surgery! We finally got to Tia's house safe and sound! Luna asks for you often. She still has your picture book and looks at your pictures often. She misses you too.

Can you beleive Pancho likes the snow? It comes past his chest, and he does not want to go out in the cold sometimes, but when he does, he plays in the snow! He and Botas are getting along fine.

Tomorrow we are going to Pueblo to do some shopping, and hope we don't meet with MORE snow! I'll bet you and Mari are getting excited about Christmas. Remember how last year we drove around and looked at lights with Tia? Remember how we opened the van door on one street and you girls and Luna shouted "Merry Christmas"? We sure laughed and had such fun that evening! I'll never forget it.

I was so sad not to have been able to see you last week-end or to be able to call you. I sure miss you and I will always love you. I am always your grandmother.

Friday, December 15, 2006

Its been 13 days since we have had any contact. Seems like a year. The Christmas presents we ordered you before we knew Judge Rea would not enforce our previous visitation order, have arrived. Each visit from FedEx or UPS makes me sadder.

We'll try to get someone to bring your presents, but I don't know if your parents will allow you to keep them.

If not, one day we will see you and hug and kiss your sweet faces again, and I'll tell you and show you your things.

We wish we could write a letter to Judge Rea, Superior Court, Maricopa County, Arizona, telling him of th epain he has caused us, and you and Mari too. If he knew how much you loved US and wanted to visit us. It is so cruel that he is keeping us apart. If we were mean , or alcoholics, or drug addicts, or theives, but we are not. We are good, honest, churchgoing people. I'm sure Judge Rea would not want HIS grandchildren taken away.

Hi girls! Here's a picture I made for you a few weeks ago. I have missed calling you and it sure feels strange not to call you on Tuesdays and Thursdays. When the phone rings, I am hoping it is one of you calling from a friend's house, like you did in the past. Every girl I see when we're in the store, I think might be you. Today, each aisle I turned int he grocery store, I hoped I would run into you.

I hope school is going well for you both, and would love to see you both in your uniforms.

Remember, I'm still your grandmother, and Pop Pop is still your grandpa, and we always will be.

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Mom Mom and Pop Pop are missing your sweet voices so much. We would have been looking forward to seeing you Saturday if Judge Rea had not decided to deny us any visitation at all. I can't do anything about it now, but I think Judge Rea must be having a hard time sleeping at night. Then again, he must be completely heartless to take away the previous order that allowed us to see you twice a month for 3 1/2 hours. How we all looked forward to those visits - your sweet hugs and kissses.

We are very sad, and hope you are not too sad. Every time I see a 5 year old, or an 8 year old, I look twice to see if it might be you.

Pop Pop is recuperating well from his spinal surgery. We will be going to Colorado to visit your cousin Luna for Christmas. How I wish we could all go. I'm hoping your folks will allow you to accept the Christmas gifts we had ordered before we knew we would not be seeing you. We sure want you to have them.

Mom Mom and Pop Pop are praying that your mom will soften and realize the pain she is causing to you and us. Never forget how much we love you. We pray for your well being each day.

Friday, December 08, 2006

It's been 6 days since we've seen you, but it feels like 6 years. Hardly a minute goes by that I don't think of you and miss you. There really is such a thing as a heartache. I've felt it many times.

Pop Pop had surgery on his back yesterday, and it lasted 5 hours! We were remembering how interested you both were in the stitches and wound when he had his knees operated on - How the nurse let Savannah help remove the dressing! He would sure have felt better with some drawings and a visit from you here.

Pop Pop will come home tomorrow, and Pancho will be very happy! He misses Pop Pop so much, and lies on his "blankie" by the door watching and waiting for him to come home. He does that a lot when Pop Pop is home too, and we can only think he is wishing you two were coming through the door.

I wear the bracelet that Mari got me, with the heart charm Savannah picked out, and the green coffee cup Mari picked out.

Pop Pop and I are both praying every day that your parents change their minds and decide to let us see you. We miss you terribly.

Here's a funny picture for you - Pop Pop's lunch today, in the hospital! He loved his lunch of crabcakes, Philly Cheesesteak, and cheesecake!

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Last week we went back to family court to attempt enforcement of a previous grandchildren visitation order. Instead of enforcing the prior order, Judge Rea, Superior Family Court, Phoenix, AZ, ruled that spending time with grandma was a disturbance to my granddaughter's daily activities! He ruled that my daughter had the right to determine whether or not I could see the girls. My daughter made it clear she would not allow me to visit with the girls, so I won't be able to see them for the next 9 years. The oldest girl, Savannah, will be 18 then and I know she will seek me out.

I don't know about you, but I consider grandparents a valuable asset to a child's life. I adored MY grandmother, who became my role model for being a great grandma.

My daughter decided two years ago to punish me for an argument we had, by not allowing me to see my granddaughters. My granddaughters lived with me on and off, and it was I who quit my job to care for Savannah when she was born. I adored her... I loved her before she was born... from the minute my daughter told me she was expecting.

My daughter came home to live then, back in 1997, because her boyfriend did not want the baby. She was distraught, but I told her she had a home with us and we would help her.

Help her we did. She eventually got back with the boyfriend and went on to have a second daughter, Mari. I loved caring for them during the day. I loved them so much. As they grew, we baked and cooked together, took walks and trips to the park, read lots of books, painted. We even set up an ant farm together. We had wonderful times.

Savannah asked me many times over the uears would I promise to always be near her. I promised, and always meant it.

Now that I am unable to call or visit, it is likely they will move far away, with no contact. No one knows what the internet will be like in 9 years, but I'm hoping I can express my feelings here, and maybe one day she will find her Mom Mom online!

I am SO broken hearted. Worse is the fact that my daughter and her husband (yes, they married a year ago... more on that in a later post) called two times when they received their copy of the judge's ruling. We had not gotten our copy till Wednesday. My daughter and her husband got theirs on Monday or Tuesday. We received two calls from them gloating over how they had won, and we lost everything.

My grandchildren's parents think they won, and we lost. While they did win, the biggest losers were my sweet grandchildren, who love us and want to see us.

My daughter broke my heart, with what felt like a sledgehammer. She did not have to hurt the kids too. She does not realize what she has done to the entire family, as she will not allow her children to see or speak to her own sister or niece! My daughter is taking delight in having ripped out my heart.

Since I received Judge Rea's ruling today, my life will never be the same. I have already suffered major depression the past two years, and this is a major setback. Blue Wednesday, Dec. 6, 2006. I miss my sweethearts already and am in total mourning.

I'm not a prolific writer, but will attempt to write often. From here on out, my posts will be addressed to Savannah and Mari, my beloved granddaughters, for whom I would give my life.I used to laugh at grandparents like me, till I too became a doting grandparent.