Nevada, Day Seventeen

5042010

0801. It’s been a grand morning. I woke up around 0530, but I didn’t move until 0700. I slept all night, and I slept well. It’s honestly about time. . . . . . I was getting to the point that nothing was really registering, because of how exhausted I was getting. Overnight, we got a good 3 inches of snow, and it is GORGEOUS. I finally got moving, and went off to vitals. Weight, 155, BP 118/70, and Temp, 97.3. All stable. 🙂 Breakfast was a smoothie, but I had to make it with soymilk instead of my normal protein shake base. 😦 Today, we have yoga and art therapy, and I’m not really sure what else.

1050. This has been an awesome morning. Instead of yoga, we took advantage of the warm, yet snowy morning, and went on a walk. The snow glistened like diamonds, the air was crisp and clean, and the time relaxing. Afterwards, since the wind coming in off the mountains was quite cold, we took a break for some hot tea, and then we went straight into art therapy. Today, Victoria is doing her first split drawing, consisting of the darkest place she’s ever been, and the absolute happiest she can imagine. I did a second one, consisting of where I am right now, and where I believe I can go. When I first started this project, I couldn’t even see myself on the recovery side of the page. . . . . . . . I couldn’t see a way to make it over there, although I knew there had to be a way. Today, the appearance of the second part of this project is far different. No longer filled with desolation and hopelessness, there are splashes of color on the “now” side of the page, although, they’re often overshadowed by black and gray. The color shines through. . . . . . . . . . it’s definitely there. . . . . . . . . but there’s a foggy, murky quality to it. On the other side, though, the colors are bright, vibrant, stunning. There’s a small patch of gray, for I just don’t currently see how life can possibly be lived without some kinda fog to it. . . . . . . . . . I’ve never known life not to be “foggy”. The two sides are NOTHING the same, though, and the colors on the “potential” side of the page are colors that I can see happening, for the first time in my life. We’re taking the last half of art therapy to talk about our projects, both the current one, and past ones.

This day feels entirely different from any of the past few. I feel vibrant, connected, and fully in the present. It’s a new day; a new start; a time to make progress. I’m loved, needed, cherished, and not only do I have people fighting for me, but I have the strength and wherewithall, today, to fight for myself. This is my current song addiction, the one that speaks volumes. I might do a post later about why it’s perfect for the current situation.

In this farewell
There’s no blood
There’s no alibi
Cause I’ve drawn regret
From the truth
Of a thousand lies

So let mercy come
And wash away

What I’ve done
I’ll face myself
To cross out what I’ve become
Erase myself
And let go of what I’ve done

Put to rest
What you thought of me
While I clean this slate
With the hands
Of uncertainty

So let mercy come
And wash away

What I’ve done
I’ll face myself
To cross out what I’ve become
Erase myself
And let go of what I’ve done

For what I’ve done

I’ll start again
And whatever pain may come
Today this ends
I’m forgiving what I’ve done

I’ll face myself
To cross out what I’ve become
Erase myself
And let go of what I’ve done

What I’ve done

Forgiving what I’ve done

1155. We’re finished talking about our projects, and we made several startling correlations concerning my concepts of recovery. Without fail, my “now” or “current” or “deep, dark place” projects involve shades of gray, red, and hints of yellow, although this one had far more color. My recovery projects always are bright, vibrant, and involve bright blue, green, yellow, and orange. This is a correlation we just saw today, when all of my projects where laid out side by side. We’re getting ready to head to lunch. 😀

1843. It’s been quite an afternoon, to say the least. Lunch was wonderful, and then, we all headed out for what has become the normal Monday outing, bowling. That was fun, but I got totally and absolutely CREAMED. It was still fun, though. Victoria and I did some painting, and then, caught up with some various important people in our lives. Shortly after, we moved on to dinner, which was far more difficult than it probably needed to be. Since then, we’ve just been chilling, and we’ve now started a movie called “Old Dogs”. I’ve never heard of it, but it has good reviews.