Guidance

I'm back from a massive case of writer's block and many other things so don't expect perfect. Other than that, enjoy.

Although it was long ago, it seems that misfortune itself revels in my life. It was only through one event that every other aspect of it was ruined. As time passed it became clear that, with what happened, the track I was on was not the easiest, by far not the easiest. I was only two when the car crashed, stealing my loved ones, everyone. Too young to even remember the glass shattering, or the metal flying, or my life along with it. I was only to be sent to an orphanage to live out the rest of my years as a child. Even growing up, the pieces of my past continued to affect me. In honesty, I was neither popular nor social, but always remained in the background, lost, alone, an outcast. Of course I can’t say that misery is ever constant. There are always the caring visits and warm welcomes of other relatives, but although this company comforted me, it was only temporary, and the empty space would eventually come back.

I will admit, my childhood has remained scarred by the ups and downs of my past, but now I am an adult, and as much as I reflect on my past, my life isn’t all terrible. I have a job and am able to support myself. I am currently unmarried and live alone. It has been, especially recently, more lonely. Often I think about how unhealthy it is to concentrate on the past but it is almost involuntary to lose mind on reality. Lately I even begin to question my sanity. I’ve considered scenarios of paranoia, anxiety, or even mental disorders, but one stubborn feeling always keeps me from seeing a therapist. Perhaps it’s the worry that I will be called crazy and eventually shunned into some box for the insane, no, that’s not it, part of me is curious, and wants to see that my instinct is really correct and there is someone out there.

More recently I have had the feeling of being watched, and not by people. I’m nearly thrown at my wits end with the unnecessary wariness in every walk I take. To turn my shoulder and see no one is as terrifying as it is irritating when you’re positive someone is there. In most recent days, I come close to letting the word crazy slip through my lips when describing myself. The empty voids of which seem to contain the presence of someone are now taken by a girl. I have never seen her before but she seems to follow me. From a distance, she smiles, but in seconds, she fades away. I would like to wish that the crippled happiness of my childhood is the cause, but no, it doesn’t seem so. I’m only following my instinct here, but something seems all too real about this.

Maybe I am insane, regardless; I sit here now on this park bench accompanied by no one, hoping to relax. The quiet nature of my surroundings is very calming, and I’m serious when I say the entire area is empty with no one in sight. I closed my eyes and rested my chin on my hands reveling in the silence. “It’s a beautiful morning isn’t?” came a girls voice on my left The surprise made jump so violently I almost fell off the side of the bench. My head spun around to see the girl sitting right next to me, the one who had been watching me all those days. She had long black hair and brown eyes and was currently wearing a warm smile. By the looks of it she had to be at least 17. As surprising as the appearance was, something kept me calm, at least to a certain extent. “Who are you?” The words came from my mouth almost ordering her to answer. She giggled at the question. “Ah, you don’t know do you? Well it’s been a long time since I’ve seen you, Jacob.” I was puzzled at this statement, seeing as I don’t have a clue who she is. My surprise had to be written on my face because she giggled once again looking at me. “I must tell you, there are some things that you won’t understand.” Her smile disappeared and was replaced by a serious look. “Well then, who are you?” I asked a bit more demanding this time. “Jacob, I’m your sister.” Even as I came to think that I was insane, this is too much for me to believe. “No, no that’s impossible. My sister was killed in a car crash 22 years ago, along with my parents.” The words came out of my mouth very defensively. She went on. “I know, and I’m sorry you left to take on life alone, but Jacob I’m back for a reason.” She said. “Oh yeah, and why should I believe you?” As I said this I poked her shoulder but my hand faded through it completely. I didn’t touch anything. “I’m sorry, I know you haven’t had the simplest life but I’m here for reason.” As she said this I turned my head way from her and stared in space, trying in vain to process this. After a while I gave up and looked back to her. “Am I insane?” It was an odd question, but I meant it. “Not in the slightest.” She replied. “Then why are you here?” I asked in a loud voice. “As I said, I have a reason, but you need to trust me to show you.” Her voice was sincere. “I never even knew you as a child Jessie, didn’t know your face, I don’t even remember the day you were lost to me.” I was getting upset. “But I’m here now, and that has to mean something.” She said. “You’re right, it does have to mean something but that’s what I’m afraid of. Now I’m just wondering if I’ve lost my mind.” Now my hands were over my eyes hiding my emotions, or at least trying to. “Listen, you have every reason to have your doubts, but I’m here for a purpose. All I ask is for you to trust me.” I brought my hands away from my face and looked at her, thinking. “Okay, I’ll listen.” I said. “Come.”

It was probably a five minute walk but she led me back to my car. How she knew where it was, I don’t know but I wasn’t going to ask. Even on the streets outside the park there wasn’t much company. It was no livelier than the inside of the park. As a courtesy I went to the passenger’s side and opened the door for her. Once she got in I ran to the driver’s side and hurried to wheel. “So, where are we going?” I asked. “As of now, this way.” She said pointing straight ahead.

I could tell she wasn’t really going to help my anticipation. She pointed in random directions as we weaved into various streets and highway routes that I never heard of. Throughout the ride I was getting more so frustrated only because I’m dying to know the destination. The most of what was said during the ride was “Okay, now where?” and “This way.” But aside from that not much conversation was put up between us. I was a bit too nervous to speak to her. Over all, the ride was about forty-five minutes long and now we were on a suburban street in the middle of nowhere, destination: unknown, but the excitement kicked up soon enough. “We’re here!” She said excitedly, pointing at a rather large house. There were two floors and a bit of peeling paint but other than that, it was not too bad of a place. “Where?” I asked a bit confused. She didn’t respond to this question. “Pull up in front of that house.” I did exactly as she told and parked the car. Before another word could leap off my tongue she was out and rushing to the front door. She waited for me. I was thankful that there were no windows in the front that would allow the owner to see us. I was reluctant to take a single step on some stranger’s property, but she was there and waiting for me, so I had no choice. I got out of the car and ran to her. “Okay, I’m here, but for what reason? I’m miles away from home and have no clue where I am.” My voice came out a bit upset. Her smile grew back onto her face as it always seems to do when I ask a question. “Him.” Was all she said. I looked at her very confused. “Many years ago he lapsed into coma. The doctors said the odds of him waking up any time soon were not likely, the fact was that he might not wake up for the rest of his life.” This came out of nowhere but oddly enough I ended up listening “Your family never told you out of fear that you might obsess of the day he might come back. Just recently he did, and now he sits in that house, alone. He has neglected to call his family out of fear he has already missed too much of their lives. They are unaware he is even awake, and they may never get to see him. Right now, you are what he needs and he is what you need. The car crash left him with nothing and now, like you, he is in pain.” As she finished I stared at her for a few seconds, not able to force a single word from my lips. Finally I spoke. “What made you bring me here?” I asked, anxiously waiting for her response. She grabbed the door knob and turned it, and pushed the door open, slowly and silently. “Let’s just say I thought you could use a little, guidance.” She gestured me a welcome into the house and smiled one last time then disappeared as she always did. With every step I took into the house I felt weaker. What Jessie told me was unbelievable. I can’t begin to believe it, but could it really be true? I’m right inside the house and I look to my left into a small, dark, living space. Oh God, there he is, standing there, silhouetted, and staring into the burning fireplace. He’s not even aware of my presence. Now I know Jessie’s reason for leading me here, but now I’m sitting here choking on my own words. It took me ten seconds just to regain the ability to speak. Then I finally managed say it. “Dad?”

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