The mere appearance of living

Friday, December 08, 2006

There are many ordinary objects around me that I sometimes perceive as meaningful reminders like I would a road sign. There are many songs, words, forms, behaviors that I often appropriate for no other reason but to give meaning to my life or a reason to believe that there is more to it than the mere appearance of living.

Life, I have discovered, is now for me synonym of connectedness. I admit it took me some time, but never did I presume being quick at anything but dreaming. Which is good because dreaming is what helped me get where I am today... The songs, words, forms and behaviors that could be mine are also, in my mind, a part of everyone I am in contact with. And this is true in manifestations that I cannot conjure on my own. So, it IS because either I will it to be, either because I believe it to be or because of some other relation that I am not aware of, but all in connection with another belief that is not my own. My thoughts are like radio waves. Your thoughts are like echoes and vice versa.

A few years ago, if you were to tell me anything like this I may have had trouble understanding what it all meant. But now, by the grace of those in my life, I am open to more possibilities and potentialities. Even those that by their human term are gone, they remain in my life by their intentions and actions strung in the code of my experience, my body and soul. And nothing can take that away from me because, in my mind, what I am witness to is transformed into knowledge which is transferred through thought, which must evaporate like puddles and reform as clouds and rain. Rain falls on everyone. Is it new or old? I don’t know. But it falls on all of us. My tear drops on my head.

It is hard to separate myself from what everyone goes through. It’s hard to start a revolution with an object that is doomed to be destroyed. It’s hard to believe in a love that will turn the world around the other way when what holds our love will one day disappear. So we have this moment with all that we let it offer us and what we give back.

The letters, numbers and all the objects in between ARE because someone willed them to be. Love and its family IS because someone believed in it.

You say “Trust” and although I know little about you, I trust the part of you that is symbolic. You say “Feeling” and yes, that is where they meet. So if what you see means that someone loves you, then that is what it is. Let it be a reflection of something that gives you Hope and let that hope move you to where you want to be with and within the world. Like I said, it is the soul of those around me that reflects what I need to survive the appearance of living. And if I were to break it down to smaller pieces, it would still reflect the same thing in every part: truth.