Monday, April 03, 2006

The one about my fear of chainsaws in the shower.

Last week was spent traveling to and fro. So much so I finally got to sit down and take a breather at 4pm on Friday. This was a bad move because anyone who has spent an entire day on their feet will tell you that the moment you get off your feet, they swell. Not only do they swell, they turn red and get really hot. Not only that but they also magically develop heart beats.

My feet were in so much pain, my colleague asked me if I was ok and I begged him to wheel me in my behemoth Apprentice chair to the subway station.

Somehow I made it home. I changed into sneaks, took the pooches out, heated a pizza for Lrudlrick and then promptly passed out. I was out like a light from 9:30pm-midnight. Around 11 I did wake up for a split second. I hadn’t heard my husband come in so I began to worry what was taking him so long. After countless phone conversations with my MIL who swears that danger lurks in every bush, corner and lamppost, I began thinking the worse. Being the good wife that I was I decided that if I couldn’t report him missing for 24 hours anyhow I might as well go back to bed and deal with a missing husband after I was well rested.

Lrudlrick, I love you but I was really really tired.

Anyway, at midnight, I woke up to check my cell to see if he called and discovered Lrudlrick eating the pizza I heated up hours earlier on the couch while watching Scarface.Lrudlrick will point out time and time again, “That’s a brilliant movie.

Now, I don’t hate Scarface. I think it’s one of the classics. I just have two issues with Scarface. 1. Every time it’s on cable I always catch it when Richard Belzer does his stand up act and that weird rolly polly dude gets shot at. Can someone tell me how that rolly polly dude is entertainment at a night club? 2. I was 9 years old when Scarface came out. Nine. Yet my father who desperately wanted to see this film I don’t blame him had babysitting duties and well, that’s how at the age of 9, I saw Scarface in the movie theatre with my father.

I suppose my father knew their was some type of ‘R’ rating for this movie but honestly, I don’t remember if people really paid attention to the ratings back then. Sans the ‘XXX’ rating, my parents let me see everything from Cat People to Sleeping Beauty. BTW, It is because I got to see Cat People at an early age that I had a very misguided interpretation of sex and cats.

Going back to Scarface, I suppose everything was ok until the bathroom scene. You know what scene I’m talking about. It involves a chainsaw and a human head. Anyway, all I remember was hiding behind my sweater and blanking out until the end of the movie when Tony meets his demise.

I don’t think I saw another movie with my dad for a long while after that night. When we started going to the movies together again, we stuck with comedies and blockbusters like Indiana Jones.