Aliens may be hostile, particularly aliens invading the planet.86 comments

* Hang out with the type of people you think could survive an alien invasion: U.S. Marines, Israeli Police, Pakistani weapon smiths, etc. * Be prepared. Have a plan. How are you going to find cover? Where’s the best place to get supplies when chaos and panic descend? * Dress down, think functional. Avoid really bright colours. You just went through an apocalypse, people will think you’re a jerk if you dress too cheery. * Get a dog—something smart and loyal, like a German Shepherd or a Rhodesian Ridgeback.

Things You’ll Need:

* A hostile alien force.* Human ingenuity

So the planet’s under imminent threat of an Alien Invasion. How would the World react?

In the event of an alien attack a state of international emergency to be declared. Civilians to be rushed to safe areas. Find their (aliens)weaknesses. Discover what they invaded Earth for. Mobilize troops and launch counter-attacks when the time is right.

World: “We can haz peace?”

Aliens: “lol…no”

US: “Nuke ’em”

Russia: “Nuke ’em”

China: “Nuke ’em”

UK: “Nuke ’em”

France: “Nuke ’em”

India: “Nuke ’em”

Pakistan: Nuke ’em”

Israel: “Nuke ’em”

North Korea: “Nuke ’em”

World:*nukes*

Aliens: “kthnxbai”

At this point it could be quite useful if if Iran DOES have nukes… no one is likely to mind too much

So >

Iran: Nuke ‘em

As a newly recruited member of the resistance movement YOU may think being armed to the teeth with the toughest human weaponry you have been smart enough to loot will make an awesome defence. The aliens won’t. They won’t have any effect on the average alien whatsoever other than to make them REALLY uptight and irritable, ensuring that when they do get hold of you, you will suffer a seriously NASTY fate. So save your firepower for the next crazed human* (there will be plenty around for target practice – this is an apocalypse)

Do hide the Lempsip

Any self-respecting invading alien race will be decimated by the common Earth cold. So sneeze, cough and splutter a lot and don’t tell them about the Lemsip and the Beecham’s Flu Plus etc. Hide it. On the downside,"Alien life forms wouldn’t come here only to be done in by our bacteria, unless they were related biochemically to humans. Bacteria would have to be able to interact with their biochemistry to be dangerous, and their ability to do that is far from a sure thing." ~Seth Shostak, senior astronomer at the SETI Institute in Mountain View, Calif.

Do leave a glass of water lying around at all times

Water is not good for aliens…in fact it is terminally bad for their well-being… so always be sure to leave plentiful supplies of half-drunk glasses of water lying around. Should this cause complaints a gusty yell of “LEAVE ME ALONE. I AM TRYING TO AVOID AN ALIEN ATTACK” will generally be very effective at silencing the inconvenient complainant.

Do get drunk

Alcoholic pilot syndrome is an excellent way to save the human race from deadly alien attacks as you will lose any inhibitions you may otherwise have had about nobly plunging your plane straight into the epicentre of an invading, alien spacecraft. Well nobody ever said alcohol was good for you did they. But the human race will forgive your discrepancy on this occasion and hold you in very high esteem.

Don’t pick the flowers

Don’t pick them and take them home. (You really shouldn’t do this anyway… it is very naughty besides that you probably found them in someone else’s garden and they’re not yours.) It could also lead to the obliteration of the human race. Whilst you are sleeping happily in the land of nod, there could well be zombies could be growing in plant pods preparing to replace the human they’ve cloned. So, don’t go to sleep –ever. You won’t have a good time.

Do avoid getting abducted(US Viewers)

If you a good, upstanding, arms bearing citizen of the USA it will naturally be a foregone conclusion and assumed by all that you have already been abducted by a variety of aliens on a number of occasions. Likely as not you were on a hunting expedition or two at the time of your abductions and whilst obviously no-one will believe a word of your abduction report this is perfectly normal and only to be expected. The safest bet is find yourself a really big city and go live in it. Right at the very heart of it. Be sure to have people around you at all times and never be alone again. And never ever go to sleep ever again. Just in case…

Do be wary of children

If all the women you know suddenly become inexplicably pregnant all at the same time it is perfectly acceptable to become very, very scared. This will not be without reason.

Don’t lose your cool

Aliens will have egos too. Probably even bigger ones than the average human’s. (Yes it is possible) Best not to have a screaming heeby jeeby panic attack should one jump out at you whilst you’re in the shower. This is not to be recommended at all and will only feed its alien ego. It is probably safe for you to assume that it intends to kill you and that it has no plans for making your demise a quick and clean one. So, pick up your jaw off the floor, go very quiet, (wide eyes are optional) and most importantly maintain a stiff upper lip (If you’re British you will already be very good at this) if not, now is the time to learn. Just for good measure present a look of totally unimpressed, unadulterated boredom and you should be absolutely fine. Hopefully.

Alternatively, assuming that it hasn’t already tried to kill you, you could give making friends with an alien a go — think fast – you must have something in common. Under no circumstances introduce it to anything remotely related to alien invasions, nuclear bomb blasts, wars…they might get the wrong impression.

86 responses to “Aliens may be hostile, particularly aliens invading the planet.”

Love it Wolfie, just rushing to get supplies in case of invasion, you can not be too early. Just a little point when all women become pregnant around you how do you decide it is Alien Attack, or just Alcohol it could be dangerous if you jump to wrong conclusion lol

Trust me Rosemary – you will know!! Now stop picking hairs😀 lol😉 Though at that point you may well find yourself with the sudden desire to indulge in an strong alcoholic beverage whilst you try to avoid processing that unfortunate knowingness! Alcohol being of course an essential commodity of your survival kit😉

No of course not! They will be far worse far worse than any hostile martian you might encounter…something really big…and slimy…and very very scary with a huge weapon and an insatiable appetite for humans lol…well🙂 you get the pic!!

Martian chicken…chicken…chicken…maybe…chicken…chicken…chicken…😉 oh dear…you were saying something about chicken…chicken…chicken…?😀 How very careless of you to mention chicken…chicken…chicken…you know what happens when you mention chicken…chicken…chicken…!!!

Chicken….chicken….chicken….oh dear!!! Chicken….chick…tastic plan Clowie chicken…oops! We could compare their ch…chi…ch..ick…en…taste level with liver cake taste🙂 They could become chicken…chick…chi…and liver pate treats🙂 with tangy alien sauce to make them even more irresistible! And bipeds could make a fortune selling them at the 2014 winter galactic Olympics!!

When you mentioned the land of nod, I thought it said nud🙂 lol
Well thinking along those lines and the shower / aleien input it got
me thinking that a ray-gun instead of a sponge would make a good
companion in the shower cubicle, of course if it is a human female
then the appearance of a hunky looking alien might be a positive
thing, actually that train of thought works for the human male also,
indeed his ray-gun would be very useful for this scenario🙂 I like
the idea of the half full glasses of water laying around, giving the
alien a bit of a rethink on whether or not to attempt an attack, it
would also be a useful note to remember that aliens don’t like the
thought of any spaghetti and bolognese sauce around as it reminds
them of something ghoulish, so ghoulish that it cannot be written
down just in case there are any aliens reading it so hard lines🙂
Getting plastered every night and being a bit of a drunk around the
house certainly seems to work when the aliens try an invasion, but
not so good when flying around in saucers, in other words don’t
get caught with your pants down, or with alcohol related long johns
as this could be seen as insulting on some planets😦 Okay enough
of my wittering Icywolfy, this has been a wicked posting of the 3rd
kind and I hope that you will be adding some more soon🙂

Sir Gothic Andro’🙂 I get the feeling you may not be taking the question of a hostile alien invasion terribly seriously😀 This does not bode well for your survival prospects and strongly suggests you may well be first against the wall when the aliens invade! Your outlook is rather bleak in this scenario would you not agree? lol😉 I think you may need to take a strong reality check here…ray guns and a lustful nature coupled with running round drunk in the niff probably aren’t the best tactics for you to employ if you wish to save your gothic bacon!! Hostile aliens are will most likely want to kill you rather than breed with you and given the totally incompatible DNA involved it is probably impossible anyway. Given the prospect of alien/vampire/ghoul crossbreeds this is probably just as well lol. I recommend you employ a hand held Weapon of Mass Destruction, a few Hellfire Missiles and various other heavy duty destructive weapons…and NO lusting🙂 And if you see something fangy and slimey hanging around the ceiling don’t stand there staring curiously – run away very quickly, it probably wants to eat you😀

Bwaahahahahahaha! What an awesome post! I’m off to stock up on green chile wine, ammo & a bunch of empty glasses. I’ll fill half with water, the other half with wine and hope that if the water doesn’t get ’em, the wine might burn their alien tongues or make them fall down and forget why the ever landed here!😉

You are a born MisBehaved Survivor! Armed and prepared and undoubtedly to be the very last against the wall when the aliens invade! You might even succeed in single handedly saving the human race with the wine alone!!😀 I think you should be the one to head the resistance and organise the Weapons of Mass Alien Destruction!! Misbehaved Congratulations on your calm presence of mind!

As always – you are too hilarious for words – although I’ll type some anyway. I am feeling fairly confident regarding alien invasions because, as far as I can tell, they seem to be far more interested in America than Africa There is a decidedly limited amount of data regarding alien observations here in South Africa. Apparently, we appear rather boring to them, which I intend to enforce. So, it’s up to America, UK, Iran, China, etc to nuke these guys whilst we sit in the sunshine, listening to terrifying reports, Love the *WikiHowls. Will be sure to always look up information there, as it appears to be extremely practical.

Oh dear! :D…once the alien invaders see your comment they will effect a rapid change of heart about your alleged ‘boring’ status along with a very exacting change of direction and target! You have just made yourself the most interesting and therefore most alien-invadable country on the planet so enjoy the sunshine while you can and start a resistance movement asap! Right now would be a smart idea – immediately😉 The apocalypse is coming to a town near you!! So…S.AFRICA: NUKE EM!!!! (WikiHowls will tell you how😀 ) The rest of the world will watch your progress from behind the sofa!!

They are going to be so disappointed learning this from you Icywolfy, in fact there are already a few with tissues in their hands, I’m not sire what they are wiping but it’s definitely something gross😦 lol

Just calling by to see if those Aliens have invaded yet
and to take those Zombies back to where they belong,
by the way did you notice that one with the limp, he’s
still cheekier than an Icywolfy on Champers but there
is still hope for him I think?🙂 lol Of course you will be
just as naughty as ever, not sure how we can cure an
Icywolfynorti but we will try everything possible🙂 lmao

You know…I was thinking…what if your zombies were in fact THE Aliens?!! Now there’s a worrying thought..what would that make you I wonder…our Alien Vampire OverLord?!! Not too sure about that idea, just wondering how I’d cope with a disciplinarian Alien OverLord trying to teach me – the Rebel Icewolf Leader – some manners?!!😉😀

My Zombies would stick out a mile if they were masquerading as Aliens🙂 But now you come to mention it, I rather like the idea of ‘ME’ being the Vampy Overlord, I wonder what treats I would get for doing such an important job as that one?🙂

I will have to figure out what job I can offer you Icywolfy of the Naughty Realm but don’t worry there are no polishing jobs left so it won’t be that🙂 lol

Vampy Overlords are always very considerate, highly motivated and incredibly tidy, in fact when a Vampy Overlord is around it is like having Royalty staying over so don’t forget to buy in some cucumber for the sandwiches,some fresh salmon, caviar and plenty of those female slaves for whatever the Vampy Overlord will be wanting after midnight🙂 lol Oh and by the way resistance if futile, I thought that everyone knew that?😉🙂 lol

😀😉 I didn’t notice that till you pointed it out🙂 But I know what you really meant to say is that Resistance is not at all futile and that really you would enjoy it immensely because you know how very very much you like a challenge! lol🙂

Hi Timid one. “Had” intended to click on the like button. But as that would have made me the 13th person to do so, I resisted the impulsion. Just love the comment you made to Andro on the 8th. RE : Aliens,,, You are having a giraffe.!!! take care Timid one 🙂 btw. your page is looking good, and your banner hasn’t melted . so that’s nice 🙂

Hi Kenny, the notifications suggest you have in fact overcome your most dread doubts and anxieties about pressing the Like button😉 In which case “ta!” and congratulations on that show of manly courage…I trust the button didn’t turn into a 2-headed deranged alien and bite your hand off! Yes the banner is behaving itself at the moment or at least it was last time I looked. It has however had some melting moments in your absence and spread itself out all over the banner space instead of staying neat and compact where it’s supposed to be! It tends to have a mind of it’s own and do as it pleases…a bit like it’s creator really!!😉 :D… Timid one🙂

Hi Wolfie, I made it through the barrage of Zapping and carnage to comment..🙂
Great Post my wolfie friend, and only sorry I am just getting around to view it..

As I see it… WE ARE the Aliens of this World.. and if you are in any doubts, you only need go into your Town on a Friday Night to see the antics of those females of the species who seem to stagger uncontrollably on stilts which render them incapable of standing upright, as they shout in an inaudible loud language only they seem to understand to their companions who are standing right next to them, while surfing on that mobile device which seems to some how connect them to another Universe..
The Males however seem to also congregate in herds as they follow said females from one public house to another seeing who can fall down first.. as they avoid the Human transportation Vans which have to distinguish them from other Alien vehicles a Blue Light flashing on top…
When the Aliens do get caught they froth at the mouth and cry calling for their Mothers in some strange way as they jostle with the Humanoids in Uniform.. as Im sure these Uniform Persons are Not their Mothers!…😉

Yes I think the Aliens have arrived.. so we had better all learn to live together or end up Alienated ourselves..🙂

Very reassuring to see you are getting into the spirit of the invasion and paying proper care and attention to these posts lol😉 I think the aliens you are referring to, the kind I have the misfortune to go into battle with every weekend night lol are in fact Zombies!! The Living Dead are rife in towns across the country on a Friday night and your description fits the bill perfectly😉 The mindless lurching and unintelligable utterances are enough however to put off any self-respecting alien invader at least until Monday morning the Zombie Invasion has safely passed🙂 Of course…alien abductions in the form of the Human transportation vans and the flashing blue light topped Alien Vehicles are all too common and it is unfortunate they only carry out these abductions at weekends as there is plenty of cause during the week too!!
I quite agree lol…these Uniform persons are definitely not the frothy mouthed ones mothers!😀 I should think their mothers disowned them many light years ago! It is usually at this point they begin the transition from human-Zombie to Alien-Zombie! Luckily your sense of humour about the subject will ensure they are never taken seriously enough to become a major threat…so long as you have a very large weapon and not a very small and ineffectual “ray gun.”😀 All in all I think you have the situation very well sized up Sue!lol😉 xx

It comes from years of experience Wolfie, having had offspring who walked the walk and talked the talk.. LOL.. Luckily my Ray Gun wasn’t as sharp as my tongue LOL.. And eventually Peace reigned in the Dreamwalker’s abode.. and Im pleased to say Im a proud parent of a generation born in the 70’s when Life was being explored… But where Good manners were still in tact..
I was off a generation of the Swinging 60’s😉 So I have seen many Zombies throughout the Decades. But none so Zonked out as the ones I see today!😉
I hope that qualifies me for sizing up the situation Wolfie..
Big Hugs!😀 Sue xxx

It qualifies you! Your credentials are very impressive, your resistance fighting skills are clearly second to none with your experience😀 Today’s Zombies are particularly bad, I think it has to do with them having their origins in the Gothic Realm of Great Wickedness😉 I have even seen them getting “down and jostly” lol in full view of everyone in the middle of the street with the alien abductors with their blue flashing light transporters looking on!!! These are the ones even the aliens won’t be abducting and probably make the best “crazies” for target practice lol as they are more than a little “pre-occupied” on the pavements!! They don’t even worry about jostling under the cover of bushes so very easy target practice!!!😉 You will be a great and sharp-tongued asset to the resistance🙂 With your situation sizing up skills you might even single-handedly cause the hostile aliens to reconsider invading at all!! Alien Wolfie hugs!😀 x

HooOOOOOooooOOOWWWWWWWwwwwwLLLLLLL!!! Peace would not dare do anything else but commence with your credentials for Alien Beating!! lol😉 The rest of us will pad along very quietly behind you whilst you begin the peace process😀 xx

aliens are already amongst us icey what we need to do is find a big bottle of brandy a big fluffy sleeping bag for two find a special person you adore [ still looking lol] head for the hills and enjoy yourselves because the aliens will overcome humans anyday especially if this government are dealing with it xjen

Sounds good to me jen😉 This government like all governments will simply nuke the aliens forgetting they will probably take us with them and we get some good target practice zapping the misguided and thoroughly deserving of their just and due fate, corrupt politicians who think they will survive whilst the rest of us are “thrown to the dogs” x Icy🙂

Those pesky aliens have kept this post hidden from me, Icewolf! I think the invasion may have already started – not that I would know, obviously! – so it seems I have read your very informative post in the nick of time! Just one question though… where is all the nuking actually taking place? Not on Earth I hope, because the outcome of that may actually be worse than the outcome of the alien invasion itself. Just saying…
However, if it wasn’t aliens, and just my WordPress Post Notifier playing up, I’ll apologise for joining this party so late. I’ll be away now as I have to wind up said Notifier… or plug it in… or change the batteries… or something…

Welcome to the party Aquatom! I think you maybe right…in fact I think the invasion may have kicked off last night – it was clearly a hostile alien attack that killed my internet connection on two different networks and on my mobile, forcing me offline all night long😦 So I hope you’ve read this post well and are suitably up-to-date with the correct approach to dealing with such eventualities😉 I also suspect you have been abducted several times already whilst applying your hair gel in a certain room that shall remain anonymous due to the risk of sparking an alien attack in your Mansion🙂 Wouldn’t like to have to nuke it lol😀 If the hostile alien invasion takes place on Earth, then it stands to reason that the nuking must do so too don’t you think?😉 Everybody’ll be doing it so nothing to worry about…an alien invasion is a serious matter and needs a carefully co-ordinated global response and you know the governments of this planet are all-wise and all-knowing and always, always, always right…!!!😀 lol😉

Now that you’ve explained it, Icewolf, the nuking sounds reasonable, as long as it isn’t in my Mansion. I could, I suppose, go down to the cellar (for… erm… supplies!) if it does start kicking off. However, it appears to be an attack on two fronts from what I’ve just read, what with the Zombie presence increasing daily as well. Maybe the hostile alien invasion will notice the Zombies first… we may be lucky…

I think it was the aliens who planted the Zombies…then people fell asleep…exhausted from picking the flowers…very gnawti of them in itself let alone any other considerations like their transformation in Zombies as a result (see post for details😉 ) The hostile alien invasion is scheduled to go ahead as planned – in your bathroom – err…on Planet Earth – in your Mansion – oops! Silly Icewolf! The alien citadel will be in your Mansion not the actual invasion😀 But we might need to nuke your Mansion if that’s the case! We’ll have to wait and see what “Part 3” has to say about those issues won’t we😉 Don’t worry…you’ll get a 60 second warning that the bomb’s about to drop if that should be the case! If you’re lucky!!….lol ;D

I might not hear the warning if I’m in the cellar or bathroom, Icewolf… I’d better take matters into my own hands to rectify this situation. I meant to say that I was sorry to hear of your internet problems yesterday, maybe we -er- the alien invaders were trying to stop you from getting your message out. At least things are working normally now…

Yes…everything’s normal now…50,000 blogs awaiting the Ice wolf paw of attention and comment…several unfinished blog posts by the fair Ice Wolf paw awaiting completion and no end in sight lol😉 Yes…everything’s in good working order tonight!!! It would be very dangerous for everybody else…errm…for you😉 if you take matters into your own hands😀 Look what happens when you take the hair gel into your own hands!!!😀

All in good time lol😉 All in good time…we have to allow time for the late arrivals to battle their way to the resistance headquarters and prepare themselves to defend the Earth from the hostile alien attack! It’s that or we use them for target practice and we don’t really want to do that now do we?😉 Well…your Zombies might but they’re naughty and need taking in hand immediately lol😀 I trust you are now taking a healthier attitude to an impending alien invasion and have a WMD on hand to assist with their annihilation when the time comes😉 And that you are going to apply yourself to the rest of the world’s defence and zealously ensure no liberties are taken out as well as inside the Mighty Gothic Realm – as all good Vampires do…lol…assuming you haven’t been overcome by the thought of being Alien Overlord to the people of Earth that is!!🙂

well ive got my brandy n ginger nicely warmed up down my throat im looking bored just in case an alien should break in and ive got my tv remote to bore him to death no doubt last of the summer wine or fools n horses will send him to sleep as that happens il grab ozzy my dog and head for the hills hope your well icey xxjen

You have of course got enough brandy n ginger for two?😉 HoOOOOoooOOOOWWWWWWwwwwwLLLLLing out in the hills all night to scare the aliens away dries out the Wolfie throat! Better make that for three…Ozzy will no doubt want to howl with me so he will end up with a dry throat too! Do ensure you have a giant remote control knocking around though jen…it is not helpful to discover in the middle of an alien break in that you have lost the tv remote down the back of the sofa or that Ozzy took a liking to it as his new chew toy😀 Plan ahead! lol😉 Icy x

My Fridge is full but i dont know if i want to meet those green guys
and who knows maybe they are undercover and already here
enjoy the weekend Wolfy and i hope its not like here with u Raining and cold.
i miss the sunbeams
MJ

I think you maybe right – they may well be here undercover already – they’re playing with the weather to ensure we’re all cold, wet and miserable and get flu lol so no-one’s fit to fight back when they do reveal themselves! Yes it’s just as bad here as it is for you! Hope you see the sunbeams again soon…we’re stuck with the rain and cold all week!

You are welcome to camp out in it whenever you like🙂 Do be careful in this post though…there are hostile aliens all over this campsite and you never know where they’ll turn up next! Lovely to see you thanks for popping in and having a look around🙂

I’m sorry to have to tell you this but they landed at The Holler in 2012. I am their earthly leader. Can I have Wolfie please??
Pretty please?
Wolfie would love it here.
Seriously, I got some critter cam night shots of the coyotes in a group of four and some with prey. They need to be taught some manners. Wolfie is just the ticket!!
You ma deah, are so brilliant and creative. I love your blog and so does my son. He is a silent follower of yours, smart boy~

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Ice wolves of Europa. Intergalactic star wolves running with the moon and the stars in the light of another world. Callers of the moon wolves-song and interstellar hunters across the icy surface of the Europan seas. Echoing the call of an alien world and the whispering of the moonshadows, the call of the star songs, and the dream of worlds beyond the stars and cities in the sky.