10 Most Ridiculous Questions Clients ask the Social Media Agency

Remember Paresh Rawal as the annoying landlord from Judaai? Well, when 100 such died, the client was born.

Questions from clients are not a rare thing, but when those questions cross all boundaries of mind atrocity, they make it to the list of the 10 most ridiculous questions clients end up asking the social media agency.

1. “What’s your quote?”
“Bhaiyya, Batata kitne ka diya?”
“Dus Rupya madam”
“Dene ka bhaav bolo”
“aat mein le lo”
When the clients treat the service of social media as a selling business, these questions are bound to be raised.

2. “Why are there 1 lakh fans on Facebook, and only 200 on twitter?”
When quantity is the ball game, the client deserves the bravery award for asking the agency this ridiculous one liner.

3. “I want to do a Kolaveri Di. How?”
A metaphorical question which actually means “I know people love my brand. Even though how cheesy or tacky it may be. I have never done social media and neither do I think I’ll continue this for long (maybe till my budget for this quarter is exhausted). So, hey agency, why should we waste time in coming up with an idea that works in my favour. Instead let’s spend all our energy in thinking of something which really won’t do any good to me, but will atleast satisfiy my egoistic butt.”

Yes, dear client. Every idea that is good for you has to reach a million eyes?

4. “What number can you guarantee?”
If you want a guarantee, get a refrigerator or a washing machine no? I understand ROI, but expecting a guaranteed number is as stupid as walking inside a moving train thinking you’ll reach the destination faster. Numbers should be the result of your activity and not vice-versa.

5. Why don’t you pick up my calls?
Answer: As superhuman as we may sound in the pitch presentation, we too are human! And please accept that.
I had a client asking me this question at 3 am. True Story.

6. “My Page is not showing up in the Facebook Search results. WHY?”
This one always cracks me up. Not only do I find this demand highly uncalled for but to justify its non-presence even ridicules the previous statement. Some also ask you the whereabouts of the previous third party page creations of their brand, assuming you created it along with your college buddies as a way to get back to the brand manager.

7. “Why are we still not on Pinterest/Instagram/Other portals?”
Dear client, did it ever cross your Einstein mind, that it doesn’t make sense to do that right now? Think about it and get back.
True Story alert: I once had a financial brand who asked us to put up daily posts on Myspace and Orkut. Not only that, they expected conversations. It was so ridiculous, two days later, my cat died.

8. “Why is there no increase in fans and followers?”
How many times the client has judged you on the basis of community number stagnancy? Clients need to realize the agencies work with them and not for them. If you did not provide for media budgets, you have no right to abuse the word ‘organic’.

9. “It’s simple! Update hi toh daalna hai, usmein kya?”
Technically a rhetorical question but a tricky one nonetheless. My only reply would be, next time you go to a doctor, please tell him what should be the taste of your medicine, where should he insert the injection and that you’ll show no co-operation when he is trying to cure you. Agencies should and will only do what is best for the brand and no matter how small the quantity looks, it’s the quality that matters. If the client and agency go hand in hand, a good ROI is inevitable.

10. “Why is my internet so slow?” OR “Why is my Facebook/Twitter/Youtube video not loading?”
Ok Mr. Client, you have just crossed all boundaries of atrocity and not even the lolz cat can help you. However, I am still going to answer this one for you:
a. It’s because I really don’t give a rat’s ass about which Internet service provider you are using.
b. Just because social media is on the internet, I have got nothing to do with your broadband connection.
c. You clicked on Internet Explorer. You are doomed.

Remember I am also a human like all of you people, but having been through the above I have little energy left to make a change. Let us all come together and pay tribute to all the amazing ideas that died a quiet death because of the ridiculous questions which were prioritized. Show your condolences below in the comments!

Have you faced such ridiculous questions while at work? Do share your feedback!

Mubashir Usmani is a digital professional by the day and a zombie by night. Yes, a flesh eating one. Apart from being really lazy, gaming addict and a movie enthusiast, Mubashir is also the Founder of Social Seety, a digital advertising agency based out of Bombay.
He is also the author of the crappiest comic blog ever known, Just Like Crap.
Follow him @justlikecrap and irritate the hell out of him.