I have struggled with mental illness most of my life without seeking medical help. At the age of 35, I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. Creative exploration has been a part of my life since childhood. I grew up in my father’s dark room and have over 20 years of experience as a professional photographer. I’ve also curated art shows for 7 years and in my spare time made my own art. But I never considered myself an artist. I now realize that art making has been a very important form of therapy to battle the highs and lows of my mental illness.

I call this show an emerging artist retrospective because I have created bodies of work over the years and never had the confidence to show them. So I am taking a look back and taking a look forward at my art. After a serious manic episode that left me in the hospital, I am doing the same with on my own life. I think back to all the signs that pointed to my illness and look forward to taking control of my mind.

I felt compelled to create a show that not only describes Bipolar Disorder in a visual way but is an opportunity for me to stand up to the condition and chisel away at the stigma of mental illness. I lived in shame for so long. If one other person sees this exhibit and speaks up about their own mental illness or reaches out to someone struggling, then the show will have fulfilled its mission.

The circular nature of the installation represents the cyclical nature of the disorder. After the viewer has walked around the exhibition, she can walk out, but for those living with Bipolar there is no escaping the cycle of mania and depression. The installation is intentionally small and confrontational. Many people close to me as well as myself have denied mental illness. If you enter this installation there is no room for denial.

The repetitive nature of the show, which contains nearly 1000 original pieces of art (not counting the physical structure), is simply a process in my artmaking. At times my mind moves so fast that outputting piece after piece creates a soothing rhythm for an otherwise unsettled mind.

Each of the four segments of the installation stands for a specific time period. The sky imagery is from a time before my diagnosis, when I looked up to the sky everyday. During a depressive period it cheered me up and satisfied a propensity for collection and organization. As humans we look to the sky for so many things, sunshine, rain and hope - to a place beyond where things may be better. I added the paintings later. I wanted to create a double take for the viewer. Is that a photo? Is that a painting? There is a lot of ambiguity and confusion surrounding mental illness. Particularly with Bipolar. I find myself wondering “am I having a bad day or should I increase my meds?” Others may wonder “is she just happy or becoming manic?”

Next the viewer sees the wall of post-it notes, all 625 handstitched together. The wall is supposed to be overwhelming and the double take here is subtle. Most of the notes are lists, what I use to hold my mind together when I have a hard time remembering or have anxiety about forgetting. Looking closer, there are notes that I wrote right before and during my hospitalization. Many are desperate, some are sad, some make no sense, while some are positive and hopeful.

The third section is a grid of silhouettes, an image I saw during a meditation session right after getting out of the hospital. Closing my eyes I had many visualizations, because I was still very manic. My mind behaves like a slideshow of images. This particular image stood out to me. It is actually a burned image of my instructor in the seated buddha like posture. To me, it represented myself in the dark, lacking knowledge or the answer to my troubles. Many images represents the many people like me, living alone without mental illness. But once we speak out and get help we are no longer alone. Then this image becomes a shadow behind each of us because we are standing in the light. The inverse of the image is scattered throughout the wall, again to create a form of visual play.

The viewer is now at the end of her journey around the installation and heads toward the black curtain through which she entered the exhibit. The curtain is depression. Depression doesn’t let go and it feels like an inescapably dark place. People with Bipolar never leave this cycle of mania and depression. And this is “The Bind.”

I bike everywhere and notice the discarded waste everywhere. I think it's something we have to accept, much as I'd like (and do try) to change it. I've been finding a lot of beauty in some of it, and, lately, I've been emoting with it! I feel like a cast-out piece of trash sometimes. I feel spent and used at times. I also know my time, like the use of these items, is finite. And that my time in some peoples' lives ends before my time actually does, kind of like the residual trash of another act--once that iced coffee drink is done, the plastic to-go cup is not.

The work also takes further Duchamp's ready-made (I know--how trite! Bear with me!). Not only are these objects already made, they are already imbued with history--something essential to art. They have been altered from their original (be it hand or machine-made) by human and environmental interaction, and tell this story in their form, as well as by our understanding and associations with the item (for example, a Dutch Bros plastic cup).

Additionally, I am referencing Arte Povera from the 1960s and 70s, primarily in Italy.

Simply stated the term “fare thee well” is defined as “a state of perfection,” “thoroughly sound” and “without any flaws.” For its next postcard show Ugly Art Room is asking artists to explore these themes. What does perfection look like and how is it reached? How is it measured? Is it possible to reach? What must one sacrifice to get there?

All 2-D, 4 x 6” artwork in any medium will be accepted. Original work must be stamped and mailed. The artwork cannot be sent in a box or envelope. All artwork will be set at $25 and will NOT be returned.

Opening Reception: July 20, 2017

Exhibit Hours: Tues-Sat, noon - 5 PM

Location: The Art Center (700 SW Madison Ave, Corvallis, OR 97333)

ENTRY IS FREE & ALL WORKS ARE ACCEPTED.

Accepting work from USA & Internationally

DIRECTIONS FOR PARTICIPATION: please read carefully

• Create an original or editioned print 4" x 6" artwork (only original artwork will be accepted)

• Print the following information on the back of each postcard (will not be shown during exhibit)

Name:

Email: (for payment)

Website/Facebook/Instagram (optional):

Title:

Medium:

Year:

NFS (if NFS)

Message (optional):

• Mail postcard to:

Ugly Art Room

c/o Jen G. Pywell

444 NW 14th St

Corvallis, OR 97330

Delivery Deadline: Saturday June 24th, 2017

Each postcard will be labeled and a list of participating artists will be made available to gallery visitors and online. All works for sale will share 40/30/30 commission (Artist/The Arts Center/Ugly Art Room). Payments for sold work will be paid via paypal.

ONLY ONE POSTCARD PER ARTIST WILL BE DISPLAYED (unless space permits)

Works larger than 4″ x 6″ will not be exhibited.

Work that does not include the information listed above on the back of the card will not be exhibited.

Ugly Art Room is proud to present its inaugural show at The Littlest Gallery during Corvallis Arts Walk on April 20, 2017 from 4-8pm. Artwork by Oakland, CA based artist Martin Esteves will be on display.

The show will be on view until May 14th, 2017.

The Littlest Gallery is located on 4th St and Madison Ave in Corvallis, OR.

Artist's Statement:

“I thought that if you had an acoustic guitar then it meant that you were a protest singer”

The Smiths

Shakespeare’s Sister

The first thing I asked was what you would see if The Littlest Gallery was a window to look through. I was told “Marys Peak”. So I painted it - with a slight cheat because this is not the actual view you’d see from that ‘window’.

Painting FOR SALE over it gave it the “art” angle as well as bringing it back to the flatness of the wall. Making the words blue, rather than bright red, makes it more of a painting than a sign.

I’d like to say that it’s a protest piece, but the real incentive comes from western movie credits. Those big bold words over a western landscape.

The Littlest Gallery's first show is a piece by Jen G. Pywell, Ugly Art Room's founder, titled "We're Going to Have Fun in Here!" 2017, Graphite on Paper, 18 x24." She renders a child smushing her face up against the glass, and it results in a lighthearted, silly and strange face that distorts the features in a way that obscures what is happening in the scene. The drawing takes advantage of the space for what it is - a glass door and even the actual paper is pressed against it, in an effort to draw viewers in. The artist hopes that ouside reflections on the glass enhance the effect of the face against the glass. The piece is meant to invite fun and whimsy to the gallery.