War On Fun Claims Another Victim as Massachusetts School Cancels Halloween to Solve Racism or Something

Remember when kids used to be able to have fun at Halloween? You’d throw on your Anne Frank costume and hit your neighbors up for candy, maybe TP the house of that one teacher everyone hates, walk down the train tracks to see a dead body… you know, kid stuff. Well, fun is no longer allowed because someone might be offended or something.

In a sign of the times, apparently, Boyden Elementary School in Walpole, Massachusetts cancelled its annual Halloween costume parade and will instead have “Black and Orange Spirit Day,” which is meaningless nonsense. CBS Boston reported that the change is because Halloween isn’t “inclusive” enough.

In a message to parents the school principal says, “…the costume parade is out of our ordinary routine and can be difficult for many students. Also, the parade is not inclusive of all the students and it is our goal each and every day to ensure all student’s individual differences are respected.”

Is it just me, or is that just a nearly-nonsensical jumble of liberal buzzwords? It’s like getting an office memo that says “synergy”; your boss doesn’t know what he’s talking about, but he’s about to do something really stupid.

Remember when it was religious nuts complaining Halloween was pagan or satanic or secular or whatever? I honestly preferred that to finger-wagging liberals since I wasn’t associated with them. I feel a lot of embarrassment by association when someone writes a think piece on if dressing as Moana makes your 8 year old racist. I’d link one, but there are dozens and they’re all equally insipid. Trust me, I’m doing you a favor.

Traditionally, Halloween at Mitchell has been celebrated with class parties and a parade of kids in costumes. But some families who don’t celebrate kept their kids home. This year, teachers told the principal it felt awkward planning something not everyone would enjoy.

Oh no, kids in school doing something not everyone would enjoy? Where were these teachers when my school decided that a bunch of awkward 15-year-olds with body image issues should have mandatory co-ed swim classes in gym? You know who enjoyed that one? No one. Even the really athletic kids were embarrassed about untimely poolside boners or something.

You know what a good way to keep your kids from being excluded at Halloween might be? Let them wear a dumb costume and be a kid.

In a letter sent home to parents, the school principal wrote:

“I recognize that this decision will be disappointing to some who may feel like Mitchell is changing. I would agree that this represents a change, but I believe that in the long-term any change towards including all children is a positive change that will benefit our students and our community.”

In its place, the first annual William Mitchell Day will celebrate the school community and autumn on November 9.

I seriously feel like my head might explode. I feel a white-hot rage growing inside me, and I kind of want to go vote for Donald Trump just to stick it to these administrators. This explains so much I didn’t understand about politics before right now.

If you want my thoughts on why this keeps happening, it’s because Gen X-ers grew up mortified with how out of touch their Baby Boomer parents were and vowed that they would never be a dinosaur like that, so they grew up and just went along with whatever stupid bullshit Millennials thought up. And now their kids don’t get Halloween.