subscribe

Pages

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Before I address this cake, I would like to state a few things for the record:

1) My mother reads this blog. (Hi, Mom!)

2) I have never, ever, even remotely considered the possibility of so much as looking at a piece of drug paraphernalia. Ever. (Hi, Mom!)

So my question is this, Stephanie A.: Does a crack pipe really look like a coffee cup filled with bloody mini-marshmallows? 'Cuz I always pictured something a little edgier, like that thing the caterpillar is smoking in Alice in Wonderland*.

*Yes, Disney movies are my only base of reference for drugs. Heck, it was years before I figured out smoking doesn't turn people into donkeys. (Although when the "no smoking" sign is present, it does turn them into jackasses. Booyah! Up high! Haha!)

My only comment is those look like bloody sperm in a pot of marshmallows cooking to make some seriously freakish rice krisy treats. Thank goodness they wrote crack head-I would have been really confused, heck I think I still am...

As the other posters pointed out it looks like bloody...umm...something. I'd see a doctor if I were them.

And Jen, don't feel too bad. I think they showed us a crack pipe in elementary school as part of the infamous DARE program, and I don't really recall it looking like this. I DID, however, find a bong stuffed in the cushions of a couch that my roomie and I bought at Good Will during grad school. She turned it into a flower vase. o_O

I'm happy to say I have no idea if that's a realistic depiction or not. Looks like they've gone camping and are making a big ol' batch of marshmallows for the s'mores. And maybe somebody cut their hand....and...oh I don't know. Odd the lives some people lead.....

Despite Addie's interest in extra-curriculars, I feel sad for her that she is not being honored for being someones "favorite anything else". Perhaps she plays the mandolin, tells a joke well, or maybe something simple like having a nice smile.

I used to work as a Public Defender in a big city, and that definitely doesn't look like any crack pipe I've ever seen. Unless they've changed drastically in the past 10 years since I switched my line of work...

I am willing to put out there that I do not know what a crack pipe looks like, but I have seen (not used; hello, mum!) a hookah (Alice in Wonderland) and I have seen, handled, and used a bong for the green leafy stuff (waaaaay back when; yeah, mum, I learned my lesson). I also used a brass pipe for said green leafy stuff. This was back in the 80's (mum, you know I am a good girl now -). That "cake" . . . uff da! Looks like a cake maker is reaching . . . and failing

crack pipes are most often a straight, hollow tube with a stretched Brillo pad pulled through (as a filter). that would be a boring cake. they SHOULD have made like, an ice cream scoop with white gel looking substance. that's more what crack looks like.

@Elyse - there's worse things they could think of than the Disney Alice. They could think of Lewis Carroll's...umm..questionable tastes in...well heck, the fact that he fancied little boys.I'd say making the Disney connection is the better of the two!

If you leave of the red, you'd get what it looks like when I try to warm milk on the stove... I always overflow it! I thought that's what it was. I'm SOOO glad you told me it was drugs! Crack kills...in this case, it killed the cake!

...doesn't crack come in a little plastic baggy? or in a line on the coffee table? MY only reference for drugs is on the movies, quite obviously.

If the person hadn't referenced a 'crack-head' on the foil I would've been guessing for a very, very long time. Maybe you should get people to send in *good* examples of crack-pipe cakes. We could say it was educational.

No one's EVER accused Lewis Carroll of liking little boys - he's been accused of liking little GIRLS, such as Alice Liddell, the inspiration for Alice in Wonderland.

But it isn't proven - some historians claim that his family invented a Victorian-approved myth of him as a gentle man who preferred the company of children to that of adults - to cover up the fact that he scandalously had a lot of lady-friends. And of course they didn't think that 150 years later he'd be famous for his supposed pedophilia.

my thought was that it was someone actually cooking teh cocaine into freebase crack form... which you do on a stove-- not that i smoke crack, nor have i ever, but unfortunately know a lot about the subject of drugs :(

I'm not a crack smoker, and neither were any of my school (HS and college) friends/acquaintances. But we used to call each other "crackhead" and say "s/he's on crack" or "I'm [not] on crack" to explain our zaniness....maybe Addie just has funny friends?

well if we are going to talk about hookah smoking caterpillars, I would be remiss not to mention the fabulous Alice in Wonderland cake that (one of my fave bloggers) Becky ordered for her kid's birthday (yes, complete with the caterpillar... really!!)

I'm trying to be nice today. Isn't my comment nice? Although I did just tell this dirtbag at the gym to shut his piehole... but I'm nice for the whole rest of the day. Even if this cake begs for a bit of sarcastic humor. I won't.

What the caterpillar smokes in Alice in Wonderland is called a hookah and is not used to smoke drugs. It's actually used to smoke a kind of tobacco. Much healthier for you to smoke than cigarettes, less chemical additives (if any at all) and much smoother since the smoke is filtered through water. The tobacco comes in all sorts of flavors like strawberry and blueberry, etc. I use one all the time, it's delicious.

Fine. We're all agreed that this looks nothing like a real crack pipe, and that it's ugly and unappetizing. What I can't get over is the idea of sending someone a cake to celebrate their crack addiction. This has to be some kind of personal joke, but it takes tasteless vulgarity to a new low (is it the same baker who's been making v-day cakes?)

Thank you Elyse for coming to the defense of Lewis Carroll, who has never been proven to be a pedophile. His relationship with Alice Liddell was said to be that of a father and daughter and that, yes, he adored her and wrote Alice in wonderland as his tribute to her.

As for the Crack cake....since when do we CELEBRATE someone doing crack????? The whole idea of giving someone a cake to celebrate drug use is so totally warped.

WV: amismam - what the woman said when she emerged from the dentists chair to find her child had torn up the waiting room. ( Or... wait maybe that should be amnotismam) hee! hee!

I'm glad that Elyse cleared up the Lewis Carroll history. Sometimes I think Freud did us more harm than good by making us not only second-guess everything we do but making it possible for an entire subsection of academics to exist in which we can claim, postmortem and without solid evidence, that dead celebrities were pedophiles, drug-addled, self-loathing, suicidal...

*cough* Sorry. Last two weeks of the semester in grad school. I'm having issues. That said...umm...crappy cake.

The title of this post made me think you were going to talk about this cake: http://www.nibbledish.com/people/j6tran/recipes/tie-dyed-cake and I was all set to point out that it's not professional. But the tie-dyed-cake is much better than this wreck. I should never have assumed!

If it WAS a crack pipe, it would have to be for Frosty the Snowman. Although his pipe is a corncob, perhaps it has a white crack dust film on it?!

OR

It's a really big mug of hot chocolate, with a handle, with lots 'o whipped cream and a smattering of blood from a bloody nose produced from intense amounts of steam from such a large cup of steamin' hot chocolate. Besides those guesses, I haven't the faintest idea what the hell it's supposed to be!

The donkey thing terrified me. It was the only movie that really scared me with all those naughty kids and that scary whale. I like to think that I was a pretty good kid, but maybe I was scared to turn into a donkey.

My first thought was that it's crack cooking on the stove. In a pot. I've been told they mix cocaine with baking soda (and water? Not sure) over heat on the stove & cook it down.

I like how everyone is quick to deny their association with any sort of drug use ;)....Despite my partyin' days several years back, I've never smoked or cooked crack but I've spent enough time in bad parts of town to know what a crack den smells like (not as bad as a meth lab, but they do stink if you're within 100 yards of one).

This isn't a crack pipe. A bubbling pot of cooking crack (and yes, bloody sperm...I see it too) THAT I would believe.

Whoa. You know, Disney movies poison the soul. Just thought you'd want to know that fact. Besides, they also depict drug-slurpin' caterpillars. No wonder I thought that caterpillars were big and scary.(Hi, Mom!!) ^^u

I had to laugh at Cake being your drug of choice. A UK TV show did a complicated spoof about a drug called 'cake' "It's a made up drug - people make it in their kitchens...etc." In the end a question was asked about it in Parliament by a well-meaning but naive MP.

You can smoke many things in a hookah. The most prevalent thing in the United States (especially in Indian restaurants) is to smoke Tobacco or shisha (as the U.S. doesn't consider the nicotine in Tobacco a dangerous enough drug).

So, Mr. Caterpillar wasn't necessarily doing any illegal drugs. This cake, on the other hand, should be illegal in its own right. It doesn't even impress me as paraphernalia.

Michelle said... "The donkey thing terrified me. It was the only movie that really scared me with all those naughty kids and that scary whale."*************Yeah---that was Pinocchio. Disney's. (Love the cricket, by Jiminy!)The original was a book by Carlo Collodi, written in 1883. Guess they didn't have flicks back then. Google it and you'll see some really weird illustrations. Maybe Collodi was on crack.((Slander!))

I've never actually smoked it myself, blech, but have seen people at concerts... and yes, that is far from what it looks like.

And a hookah would be used for tobacco or marijuana... a crack head would probably sell the thing to buy more crack.

However, were the cake iced in chocolate frosting and the center filled with different shades of chocolate shavings and bits of cherries, it would look kinda like a smoking pipe :-) ...elementary my dear Watson!

Oh man, they so botched that Crack pipe! What a cake wreck! Wait a second... is this really the approach we should be taking with the "biggest crackhead" cake?

I agree that it looks like a pot o' bubblin' devil sperm, but it seems like it would be more off-putting if they said to the baker, "Crack Pipe" and they nailed it, i.e. a giant glass tube with some brillo stuffed in it.

I love the "Hookah" concept of crack. Homeless people, day traders, Entertainment executives and other degenerates lounging around elaborate water pipes filled with crack.

It may come as a suprise to know that it's hard to set up an elaborate smoking device in your cardboard box. I mean, we aren't talking about some erudite space-drug from an episode of Star Trek; it's gross dirty crack.

I read a news clip about this company that was selling little roses in glass tubes. The rose was made of some metal mesh and people were buying them, pealing the tinfoil off the ends and snapping off the "stem" - instant crack pipe. Not a great shape for a cake IMHO, a jelly roll, maybe.

You know, I don't often comment, but this is one of my favorite blogs of all time. As a result of that love, I've given you an award. I realize you probably won't acknowledge it, but I thought I'd let you know and hope for at lease a little happiness!

Okay, I read through the various comments and had to add my two cents... My degree is in criminal justice and throughout my studies I was always fascinated by drugs, why people used them and such.

I all actuality, the preferred for of "crack pipe" (at least while I was still in school--and verified by instructor who was former DEA Agent) is for an individual to drink a can of soda pop with their lunch, crush one side of the can kind of flat, poke a hole or a few holes in the flat part, rest the "crack" rock on the flat side, use the opening on the top part of the can to inhale from, use a lighter to "heat or ignite" the "crack" and breathe in the smoke that comes into the can. That way when you are done, you can put your crack rock back into a container to carry with you and dispose of your "Pipe". Easy, peasy...

As for how it is made from cocaine, it's a whole chemistry thing, which you might could get from the cake, but it is totally twisted...

I too joke about being on crack when my brain doesn't function correctly, or I make some kind of faux pas, but in all reality I shouldn't do this, as being addicted to crack is not a laughing matter.

So I kind of find this a little distasteful (pun intended) but also inaccurate.

anyone who has had the unfortunate luck to have been attached to an overdoer of les substances--if it wasnt for bad luck i'd have no luck @all--knows there are MANY different little craft projects one can create in order to imbibe substances of choisir. feh. feh.

otoh, the babies on carrots bit is just some sort of postmodern remake of a victorian motif i doubt the bakers of baby carrot baby riders know exist--ur-babies riding upon ur-grasshopper--these were common brooch figurals about a century ago. the weirdest thing there is the probable lack of the bakers' foreknowledge. it's positively jungian, almost archetypal.

I would like to tell you that the thing the caterpillar i Alice is smoking, is a water pipe. They can mostly be found in the middle east, and are totally legal. It´s kind of like having a drink after dinner. My sister has one at home that she bought in Thailand.

Okay, I just have to comment on everyone who is taking this literally - as if there were actually a cake to celebrate a crack addiction. No, I'm quite certain this is satyre. My sister-in-law lovingly calls my husband "crack baby." It's just a joke...his mom probably doesn't even know what crack is (except in the context of a plumber's ass).

Though at first I wondered what the bottom part was sticking out of a lovely mug of peppermint hot cocoa....

don't feel bad, I used to just nod during drug awareness week in high school when they talked about certain drugs because I had no idea what they were talking about. I still to this day will hear certain things and I'm like "huh?" But my momma says that's a good thing.

Okay for all those who want to defend the caterpillar in Alice in wonderland as smoking a Hookah ( A water pipe with tobacco - not marijuana) lets at least acknowledge that the character of the caterpillar was MEANT to appear abit , shall we say, um....STONED! While still keeping it (*ahem*) "kid friendly"!

So Disney, sanitized it a SMALL amount with a Hookah, the implication was still there that the Caterpillar was doing drugs. Read the original Alice in Wonderland. The implications are very clear.

I would like to point out an important thing for understanding this cake.

In groups where crack is never used, usually, rich college-bound teenagers, jokes about "stop smoking crack" and "you're a crackhead" are VERY common- simply because of how ludicrous it is that these people would EVER even TOUCH the ghetto-stigmatized stuff (these same kids view alcohol, tobacco, and marijuana as okay, in some cases, they even use cocaine- but not CRACK, that's a POOR PERSON's drug!)

So this cake was probably part of one of those elaborate jokes. "Crackhead" is a huge punchline among these people. A result of years of anti-drug PSA's becoming funny and, of course, a complete separation from the groups of people who actually do deal and get addicted to really awfully addictive drugs.

I know because I was a straight-edge who went to high school with wealthy kids like these, then realized an absence of these jokes when I went to a state school and met people who went to "worse" high schools where some people actually WERE doing crack- for them crack was not a punchline, but a really scary thing that actually happened to people they knew.

It's all about class, people...and remember, the problems of poor people are funny!

Just to muddy the waters further, fanfiction that is over-the-top bizarre, out of character, and (hopefully) entirely comedic and not to be taken seriously, is called 'crackfic.' Writers thereof are called crack!dealers and avid readers of same are crack!addicts.

Search This Blog

Wreck the Halls

NEW! Pre-Order Today!

Buy the Book

Buy the NYT Bestseller

What's a Wreck?

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

order

Where's the book?

We don’t have any copies of Cake Wrecks for sale here, autographed or otherwise. We decided the shipping and handling costs would be too high to make it worth your while. So instead, buy your copies locally or online and then order personalized bookplates: it’s cheaper, easier, and I think even looks a bit nicer.

Ordering Info

Payments must be made through Paypal, which accepts all major credit cards. Sorry, but that means no checks or MOs or barter-based chickens.

We ship everything first class USPS, and will do our best to have your package in the mail within 2 days of your order.