Friday, December 12, 2008

J B W S N G HS Venkateswarlu, a resident of Cuddapah district of Andhra Pradesh, has won the prestigious National Cowardice Award for this year for his act of getting the hell out of the way of a speeding truck as it bore down upon him and gallantly letting an infant take the blow. Venkateswarlu ("Venky" to people in the colony, "Abbaayi!" to his grandmother and "Orey!!" to his parents)achieved this memorable feat while walking his three year-old niece, Baby Chitti, on the 14th of June. The 26-year old, preceded by his commanding set of initials (which stand for "Jai Bharath Water Supply Natesulu Ganesulu HanSolu) and closely followed by his sister's daughter, was traipsing happily along the street opposite his house when, all of sudden, a behemoth of a truck swerved around the corner and made its way furiously towards him.

"I was frozen by fear," admits Venkateswarlu. "I didn't know what to do. The sight of that mechanical monstrosity tearing down the highway towards me made my legs incapable of moving."

As images of the truck flattening him and preparing what he now sardonically calls 'Venkateswarlu pesarattu' for rats and crows flashed across his eyes, Venkateswarlu recognised he had a choice to make. "I remembered this child I had with me. This innocent baby with a dimple in her cheek, fear in her eyes and hope in her voice," he recalls. "I knew it had to be either her or me. Only one of us would make it out of this. It was a grim decision for me to make, but I had to make it."

"Like Sophie's choice," he added, stopping everyone in their tracks for a moment with his awareness of that movie. At that crucial moment, footage shot by random passerby Harish reveals, Baby Chitti (Chitra, according to her birth certificate) began wailing at the top of her voice. The kind of fearful, bestial cry that only babies and a particularly belligerent Anu Malik can emit, and can drive anyone insane within a couple of seconds. The cry that starts off abruptly and quickly makes its way across several octaves and reaches a shrill crescendo. It was this that drove Venkateswarlu to his fateful, and award-winning, decision.

"I left the stupid child there and dove out of the way" admits he, candidly and a bit too remorselessly. He escaped with minor scratches sustained as a result of his clumsy dive into a clump of grass on the side of the road, but the child, struck down by the bumper of the truck, sustained grievous injuries and is currently recuperating at a low-speciality hospital in Secunderabad.

The award has generated great cheer in the Venkateswarlu family. His father, a former recipient himself for courageously fleeing the scene when a small dog growled menacingly and made its way towards him and young Venkateswarlu, could not speak, so choked with happiness was he. The Andhra Pradesh government has announced a monetary award of twenty-five lakh rupees and one rice mill for Venkateswarlu, in recognition of the achievement of one of the state's sons. Noted film actor Mohan Babu, pausing for breath between court cases involving groping allegations flung at him by young actresses, said this had made every son of Telugu immensely happy. He also added "Ariste karusta, kariste arusta!!" ("If you shout, I shall bite. If you bite, I shall shout") at this juncture.