cant express feelings ever

how is one able to express how they really feel when every time they speak people get offended? why do i have to walk in eggshells just to get a point across? what ever happened to freedom of speech for goodness sake? i am about sick to my stomach beating around the bush when it comes to how and what i feel, and how and what i would do about such things. why cant people just grow some skin and get over it?

I stopped caring what other people think about me a long time ago. I did have to learn when to keep quiet, though. If I do say something, I'm not responsible for how someone else feels about what I say. I'm responsible for my feelings and everyone else is responsible for theirs. Unfortunately, not a lot of people can handle my directness. It makes keeping friends difficult but it's worth it for me.

I'm sure I manage to offend people often, because I'm always honest and don't hold back much. I try not to hurt their feelings, but I guess sometimes I do it, unintentionally. It's always good to say what's on your mind instead of putting on an act. If people don't like what you have to say, they can choose not to listen.

carbie, if you are referring to things that you say in chat, and the responses you get... i do not think its them being offended as much as it is them caring enough to try to save you and becoming concerned... i know thats what it is with me at times when it comes to you or anybody else in there too... sometimes concern is misconstrued as anger which can be seen as being offended... i'm sorry if you think that of me, as its not how i felt last we talked but i was extremly concerned for you ....

if you are speaking of things you try to talk to people in your "real life" ... pretty much people are people, some people are going to take offense just cuz you open your mouth and they have the feeling only they deserve to speak or be listened to, other people will take offense to things if it doesn't fit into their idea of the perfect world, other people will take offense simply because you interupted their thoughts or something they were doing/saying, other people will take offense simply cuz they are alraedy pissed off and you just gave them an outlet to vent on; in short, don't hold back just to save people's feelings when it comes to your own personal feelings, but just be cautious who you vent to... if its some issue you have with a particular person however, you do need to take into mind how easily this person will take the news that you are upset with them (that is, if you have any inclination of wanting to fix the problem and continue the friendship/relationship) because if you come across to someone too brash sounding or harsh or etc, they simply will get defensive and not really be able to hear you and the thing will take that much longer to be resolved or may never be resolved.... (not saying you have a problem with that, just saying that if that is what you are talking about, thats a suggestion)

again, i apologize if i have come across in a tone that sounded offensive to you or that sounded in some way offended.... i have never been angry at or take offense to anything you have ever said to me, simply been concerned at times.... i hope you are ok and i hope to see you around sometime soon again

when it comes to this website and chat i try to digest what people say to me, and there are times when i am hard headed and just ignore their good intentions. its other forums and such, i get angry over something and i speak my mind, from my heart and i am usually punished for it. maybe i am too direct about the issues at hand, that could be why they take offense to my words.

how is one able to express how they really feel when every time they speak people get offended? why do i have to walk in eggshells just to get a point across? what ever happened to freedom of speech for goodness sake? i am about sick to my stomach beating around the bush when it comes to how and what i feel, and how and what i would do about such things. why cant people just grow some skin and get over it?

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Quite frankly, the same thing can be said for you. When you're confronted about your issues with other people and how you talk to them, you claim the victim, yet you want to complain about people needing to "grow some skin and get over it"? Please. For example, you presume everyone is part of some type of conspiracy against you, and that they conspire as part of a clique to humiliate you or ignore you, before you even know anything about them or they know anything about you. You were mean to me - whether part of your personality or if you were projecting something that's going on in your life at the moment - while I was trying to be friendly to you. You contend that people need to speak to you in a certain and delicate manner as we would a very young child, meanwhile, you drag them under the bus like they're dirt and don't expect any kind of response in return. But we're the ones who need to grow skin, not you? People are not robots, Carbie. People have feelings and thoughts; and when you disrupt that by making another one of your angry rants out to them, particularly when you're not even provoked and they aren't attacking you, then you should expect the favor to be returned in kind.

Being direct has nothing to do with it, because there's nothing more that I don't respect in a person than someone with malicious intent covering it in passive aggressive, fake comments that they don't truly mean. However, you're direct about things that aren't even true in a way that's against people you don't even give a chance to say a word to you, and that's destructive. You should be direct, but be direct with truth and in the right circumstances and to the right people. Not talking to ten people you never really spoke with a day in your life, and saying "you stupid motherfuckers, I hate you, you're all just part of a clique, I thought you all were experts but you're all useless" and not expect someone to be truthfully direct back with you, and say "hold up just one damn minute. Slow your roll..."

Maybe one remedy is to take your time to learn about others' personalities, their background, and put your anger where it's just, and not where it's unjust; instead of immediately cursing strangers out when they haven't done anything to you and likely trying just to help you.

If people are showing good intent and taking the time to actually listen to you and let you have it, even if you disagree with what they are telling you, the least you can do is listen to what they say in return and appreciate that they are listening and showing concern.

No, it doesn't "put you in your place." It hopefully helps you see that if you want to be able to speak directly and unfiltered, you have to be ready to accept that other people will do the same. If you want to tell people how you really think and feel without dealing with their feelings, then other people should have that right with you. That's all.

want a good laugh? when i made this post i was speaking of a completely different forum, not here and yet people assume i was speaking of others here. WRONG... lol now that is funny... oh and please the ones who actually give good advice, i appreciate it and the ones who want to go on a tangent with their long soliloquy, well...

want a good laugh? when i made this post i was speaking of a completely different forum, not here and yet people assume i was speaking of others here. WRONG... lol now that is funny... oh and please the ones who actually give good advice, i appreciate it and the ones who want to go on a tangent with their long soliloquy, well...

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2 pointers.

1 - the "long soliloquy" wasn't as big a tangent as you've now declared it to be. It was aimed at how you treat people and when they treat you the same way back you don't like it and get angry/agitated - but you believe them to be where the problem lies and not necessarily looking at how you are towards them first. Telling others to grow some skin is about as helpful as those who don't understand from real life perspectives with the line "cheer up".

2 - you mentioned in your very last post in this thread that it wasn't regarding this forum - why did you not mention this in the opening post? This would have then allowed others to direct responses accordingly. As it is, consider how it is you treat people, but also don't be surprised if they do the same back because truthfully - you've earned the right to an equal dose of the same medicine. "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you" is the line that fits in very aptly with the trend of this thread.

Regardless of whether it was this forum, another forum, or real life, how you treat people should be how you are treated. I take no personal pleasure in saying this as I have been considering for a number of days just how to word the response. But it's finally come to me that you yourself, by being angry and defensive in a number of posts of yours or when you have been in chat on a number of occasions that I have noticed, you are going to stumble across others being just as angry in return - does it make it right? not necessarily, but does it make it fair? The answer is yes.

You seem to treat a number of people with contempt - especially with that line of "why cant people just grow some skin and get over it?" - and when they bite back, you have no answer but to get your back up and be aggressive, yet all they've done is respond as you would have done to them.

1 - the "long soliloquy" wasn't as big a tangent as you've now declared it to be. It was aimed at how you treat people and when they treat you the same way back you don't like it and get angry/agitated - but you believe them to be where the problem lies and not necessarily looking at how you are towards them first. Telling others to grow some skin is about as helpful as those who don't understand from real life perspectives with the line "cheer up".

2 - you mentioned in your very last post in this thread that it wasn't regarding this forum - why did you not mention this in the opening post? This would have then allowed others to direct responses accordingly. As it is, consider how it is you treat people, but also don't be surprised if they do the same back because truthfully - you've earned the right to an equal dose of the same medicine. "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you" is the line that fits in very aptly with the trend of this thread.

Regardless of whether it was this forum, another forum, or real life, how you treat people should be how you are treated. I take no personal pleasure in saying this as I have been considering for a number of days just how to word the response. But it's finally come to me that you yourself, by being angry and defensive in a number of posts of yours or when you have been in chat on a number of occasions that I have noticed, you are going to stumble across others being just as angry in return - does it make it right? not necessarily, but does it make it fair? The answer is yes.

You seem to treat a number of people with contempt - especially with that line of "why cant people just grow some skin and get over it?" - and when they bite back, you have no answer but to get your back up and be aggressive, yet all they've done is respond as you would have done to them.

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are you trying to teach me something here? your words seem hurtful, is that the message your trying to get across? am i suppose to think, hmmmm since they are all being mean i guess maybe i should look at myself? you ever heard of the old saying, you can lead a horse to water?

First ask yourself is the advice wrong? Then determine the difference between the questions, is the world out to get you or are you out to get the world? Until you can deconstruct your behaviour and the behaviour of those around you, you will be forced to make the same mistakes over and over.

The criticism I see is at least constructive, without knowing you I can't say it applies, if you are proven (to yourself) to make mistakes when talking to others the last question you need to ask yourself is, do you wish to change. If the answer is no then you must accept conflict as a way of life as you will continue to be who you always have been.

how is one able to express how they really feel when every time they speak people get offended? why do i have to walk in eggshells just to get a point across? what ever happened to freedom of speech for goodness sake? i am about sick to my stomach beating around the bush when it comes to how and what i feel, and how and what i would do about such things. why cant people just grow some skin and get over it?

I could be cruel, heartless and judgemental right now. But that wouldn't do you, myself, or others any favours.

You suggested, albeit for others not on this site (as later discovered in this thread), that some need to grow some skin and get over it. Yet when the tables are turned, and the phrase is pointed directly back at you, you don't like it - so why suggest that others should do what you don't find helpful?

I could be cruel, heartless and judgemental right now. But that wouldn't do you, myself, or others any favours.

You suggested, albeit for others not on this site (as later discovered in this thread), that some need to grow some skin and get over it. Yet when the tables are turned, and the phrase is pointed directly back at you, you don't like it - so why suggest that others should do what you don't find helpful?

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i give back what is given to me, my skin is a lot thicker than you assume it is... verbally abused for the last 15 years will do that to you...