When the pale blue “Linux car,” also known as car #77 from Chastain Motorsports, was the first car to crash in the 91st Indianapolis 500 on Sunday, we can imagine hordes of geeks wishing it had been a “Vista car” instead. Imagine the “blue screen of death” jokes that could have resulted!

Dear Ubuntu Users,My Patent, #5322346432, directly impacts all Ubuntu users. I am writing to inform you that each user owes me back-charges that will be waived if you agree to my licensing terms.

The relevant patent covers utilizing the human diaphram muscle to draw air into your trachea and ultimately into your lungs through cavities in your cranial region. This is including, but not limited to, the oral cavity and the nasal cavity. If the purpose of this method of drawing in surrounding gases is to utilize the oxygen contained in therein, you are subject to my patent…..