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Category Archives: Ira Progoff’s Intensive Journal

I am providing information about resources for those interested in learning more about the medial personality or topics related to it. I have read or viewed most but not all of the material I’ve listed, and I’ve made comments about some of them. This is hardly a complete list or resources. I may add to it from time to time. (In case you are wondering, I am not being paid for sharing any of this information.)

This concludes the series on the Medial Personality. I won’t rule out the possibility of future articles related to the medial, but I have — at last and at least — completed the task assigned to me three and a half years ago.

Aron, Elaine. (1997) The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You. New York: Broadway Books.

This dissertation is the very best resource for information about the medial. ProQuest offers it as a PDF document. Price is $38. The website is not easy to navigate, and it is helpful to have the publication number: 9912586.

If you are serious about understanding this topic, Corson’s work is worth the investment! For an academic paper, it is an easy read, but feel free to skip sections that don’t seem relevant. You may want to begin with the five portraits of medial women in Chapter 3 before diving into the background material and the conclusions. . It is available at: http://ProQuest.com

Curtan’s essays are inspiring, informational, and entertaining. From his website: “Jim Curtan is a motivational speaker, spiritual director, retreat leader. He has taught extensively with New York Times best-selling author Caroline Myss and has been a faculty member of the Caroline Myss Educational Institute since its inception in 2003. He has taught at the Omega Institute in Rhinebeck, New York, The London Centre for Spirituality, The Crossings in Austin, Texas and The Learning Annexes in New York, San Francisco, Los Angeles, and San Diego. He has lectured and led workshops throughout the United States, in Canada, Great Britain, the Netherlands and Indonesia. He has led spiritual retreats and workshops for the Young Adult Ministry of the Catholic Archdiocese of Los Angeles, the Metropolitan Community Church of Los Angeles and the California Men’s Gathering.”

This book was my first introduction to the medial even though the medial is covered in only one chapter. The rest of the book is just as valuable. Please don’t be put off by the focus on women. In today’s culture, it applies to any and all genders.

This is a collection of short stories about a fictional, child dalai lama. It includes the story, “Ten Conversations at Once” referenced in Medial Personality: Part 4 and Part 5. The book has been reprinted by other publishers and is still available. You can also read it for free online. Internet Archive makes it available as a 2-week loan. https://archive.org/details/talesofdalailama00dela

Doherty, Catherine de Hueck. (1975) Poustinia: Christian Spirituality of the East for Western Man. Notre Dame: Ave Maria Press.

This book saved my life! I was on the verge of committing suicide when I read it. It gave me a reason for living and provided the loose structure I needed to organize my life. I still consider myself a poustinik even though I am no longer a practicing Catholic and my approach to the spiritual life has more in common with Taoism than with Christianity. However, Christian values are deeply ingrained in me.

The first season of Medium on DVD has among its special features a documentary about Dubois, her husband, and their children. I was fascinated by how well the family has adjusted to their extraordinary gifts. They appear to live pretty much ‘normal’ lives. I could not find another source for that documentary. This interview with Oprah is the closest I could get.

Eden and her husband, David Feinstein, Ph.D., also give online classes. YouTube has several videos of her demonstrations. Her own story is fascinating.

Estes, Clarissa Pinkola. (1995) Women who run with the wolves: Myths and Stories of the Wild Woman Archetype. New York: Ballantine Books.

There is much about the medial in this book even though it is rarely addressed specifically. This is another book that applies to all genders even though its title suggests otherwise. Estes also has a website: http://www.clarissapinkolaestes.com/

I included this book as a way to identify the author. It has been reprinted many times. The 40th Anniversary Edition was published in February 2018. I have not read this book. However, I have been privileged to participate in one-day retreats presented by the author, and I’ve attended his meditations at St. Monica Parish. Thomas Merton was Finley’s spiritual director when both were monks at the Abbey of Gethsemani. Finley leads a group meditation on the first and third Thursdays of each month for his home parish in Santa Monica, California. More information is on his website: https://www.contemplativeway.org/

This Internet Archive is not an easy site to navigate, but it does provide a wealth of material — including some that are on this list. I watch free movies there! https://www.archive.org

Merhige, Elias.Remote Viewing lecture by Elias at the International Remote Viewing Association (IRVA)

I was intrigued by a documentary that was included as a special feature on a DVD of the movie, Suspect Zero. Merhige had asked for a demonstration of remote viewing, and the ‘demonstration’ was his own directed experience of remote viewing. I could not find that documentary online. The closest I found was the video of this lecture. https://archive.org/details/RemoteViewing#

Myss, Caroline. (2001) Sacred Contracts. New York: Harmony Books.

Myss considers this her most important work. However, it’s not my favorite. Her works have had significant influence in my life. In the beginning, they just sort of presented themselves to me when I most needed them. My introduction to her was a video I found while browsing a thrift shop. It was from one of her workshops, “Energetics of Healing.” I liked her down-to-earth, no nonsense approach and her sense of humor. Sacred Contracts showed up for me in another thrift store a few years later. Several of her books have become best sellers. These are available on her website along with many of her workshops. https://www.myss.com

This book focuses on helping empaths and highly sensitive people manage their sensitivities — especially the effects from others. Orloff is an empath herself, and she teaches a course for professional health practitioners: “Becoming an Intuitive Healer.” Orloff is psychiatrist and a member of the psychiatric clinical faculty at UCLA. She also has a website: https://drjudithorloff.com/

Progoff, Ira. (1975). At a Journal Workshop: The Basic Text and Guide for Using the Intensive Journal Process. New York: Dialogue House Library.

The ‘Intensive Journal’ changed my life! However, Progoff’s book is not the easiest way to learn the process. His writing is stream-of-consciousness and sometimes circular so that figuring out the sequence of steps in the journal exercises is a challenge. I spent many hours converting his circular language into linear steps. It was worth the effort, but I wouldn’t have attempted it if I hadn’t already been introduced to the process through a workshop taught by a therapist who had studied with Progoff. Sometimes I give informal classes using those linear steps. However, formal workshops are available. A schedule of official workshops is posted on the website: http://intensivejournal.org/index.php

This book is a wonderful resource! It is a collection of articles written by a variety of authors. Some are ordinary people who have had extraordinary experiences. Some are spiritual teachers (Lawrence Edwards, Gurmukh Kaur Khalsa, Sivananda Radha). Some are transpersonal psychologists (Ken Wilber, David Lukoff, Bonnie Greenwell). And some are scientific researchers (Andrew Newberg, John Selby, Bruce Greyson). Simon is the founder of Sounds True.

The Sounds True website has a wealth of publications — print, audio, and video — on spirituality, self-help, psychology, and probably other topics as well. There is also a lot of free content. In addition, many of their programs provide CEU’s for mental health professionalsthrough R. Cassidy Seminars .

Preface

“Life insists on being lived, and anything that belongs to one’s life which is allowed to lie dormant has to be lived by someone else.”

The above quote is from Knowing Woman by Irene Claremont de Castillejo.

My lack of academic education and clinical experience in Jungian psychology suggests that I am a “someone else” living out what others have “allowed to lie dormant”. Most of what has been written about the medial personality is in the form of academic papers hidden away in the libraries of Jungian institutions. It shouldn’t be. The world has need of it. My writing is a poor substitute for that expertise. Yet it is “the little I can do”, and I would regret not doing it.

I have been tormented by this project for the last three and a half years. I feel intense pressure to complete it. Perhaps I can manage that it just one more article. I want to be done with this! It has been an extraordinarily painful process.

Because my only expertise is my own life, I am continuing to use material from my journal and from personal correspondence revised for clarity and confidentiality. And I will continue to reiterate what I wrote in the first article of this series:

“Listen for the echo of your own lives in what I’ve written. That is what is most important! Each of us knows more than we realize. Our ‘knowing’ is not something anyone can teach us. It is something we already have; it is ours to discover or rediscover.”

Rationale for Narrowing the Focus

By our very nature those of us with medial personalities make available to others material from the collective unconscious. We need to know about this function. We need to know that we are doing this. Then we need to understand as much as possible how it is happening and how it is affecting others. Otherwise we may cause unintentional wounding. We will hurt people because of who we are. And we will be wounded in turn by their reactions to us.

There are schools for vivid medials — those with obvious gifts who would qualify for training as psychics and mediums. Shamanism addresses walking between worlds and has its own traditions of training and initiation. Managing how these gifts affect others would be covered in such training.

Self-help books for ‘empaths’ and ‘highly sensitive people’ come the closest to addressing issues faced by subtle medials. However, these are usually written from the perspective of traditional mental health practices, and they focus on managing the effects fromothers. Little is written about managing the effects onothers.

I suspect that many — if not most — subtle medials have little difficulty in learning to manage the transmission of material from the collective unconscious. It is experienced as a gift that is beneficial for themselves and for the people around them. Learning to manage this medial function may have come so easily, that they were hardly aware of having done so at all.

I’m not one of those. Throughout my life, my medial nature has caused many difficulties for me and for those around me. It has taken a lifetime to understand this. Along the way I sought help from therapists and from spiritual directors. I learned what I could from each of them, but they usually fell victim to unintentional wounding caused by my medial nature. And I was wounded in turn by their reactions to me.

It has taken most of my life — I’m 72 — for me to become healthy enough to realize that ifI go to someone for help when I am emotionally and/or spiritually needy, I draw from that person more than he or she is prepared to give — even if I am careful about personal and professional boundaries and clear in my communications. I no longer put others at that risk. Inner sources provide for my immediate needs, and I can reach out for human support afterward.

In the 1970’s Catherine Doherty’s book, Poustinia, gave my life sufficient meaning and purpose for me to continue living, and it provided the loose structure I needed to organize my life. The following decade, Irene Claremont de Castillejo’s book, Knowing Woman, helped me understand much of what I was going through, and Ira Progoff’s Intensive Journal gave me a way to confront and learn about my medial qualities. And of course, I’m still learning. But there is a completeness to my life now and more wholeness than I ever imagined possible.

From ‘Psychic Typhoid Mary’ to ‘The Great Hum’:

I’ve been through a lot of therapy! Much of my work there has been about overcoming shame. In my earlier years, I labeled myself a ‘Psychic Typhoid Mary’. I was a carrier of something that hurt others even though it was never my intention. I didn’t know what it was, but I felt intense shame because of it. Therapists taught me that my shame was based on a false idea that influenced my behavior, and therefore, it was my behavior and not my ‘being’ that caused the difficulties in relationships.

I did a lot of intensive work on healing shame and changing my behavior, but it didn’t help all that much. Learning about ‘undifferentiated’ medials gave me another way to approach the problem. Below is an entry from my Poustinia Journal for June 1989.

My image of myself as undifferentiated medial: It’s as if I were wearing all sorts of little windows and mirrors all over me and not knowing they were there. The various perspectives of the people around me would cause them to see many different things. Each person would be seeing lots of windows and mirrors, but not everyone would see the same things. The multiple images would cause a variety of unpleasant symptoms — burning eyes, headaches, nausea, and confusion. Few would be able to look past the visual barrage and see me. I would either be invisible to them or associated with the unpleasantness of the assault on the senses.

I’ve known that people were uncomfortable around me and tried to change everything about myself — except my clothes. I brushed my teeth and used mouthwash, showered and used underarm deodorant. I worked at improving my manners and conversational skills. None of these things helped.

What I needed to do was to cover and label each little window and mirror. Then people would have been able to see me. And if they wanted to look at a mirror or through a window, they could choose where to look and could lift one cover at a time and really be able to see something and make use of it.

I have never managed to “cover and label each little window and mirror”, but I have developed strategies for managing others’ reactions. That is a subject for another time.

A few years ago a wonderful story by Pierre Delattre gave me a more helpful image — one that taught me to accept the reactions of others with compassion. The title of the story is Ten Conversations at Once, and it tells of a young (fictional) Dalai Lama who seeks help from a more advanced lama who can carry on ten simultaneous conversations. The simultaneous conversations sound like humming, and so that lama is nicknamed the ‘Great Hum’.

In the story, the young Dalai Lama was troubled by others’ reactions to his appearance rather than his reality. He sought advice from the Great Hum who responded in part:

“Once you’re free from bondage to your face, you’ll be able to take on as many faces as you like — not just two or three but a thousand. The more faces you assume, the more your expressions will remain the same. Eventually, when you try to resemble me, as you are doing now, you will find that I have come to resemble you instead. But you have much to learn before then. You are faced with contradictory feelings about your role and will remain so until you can assume any mask the world places upon you and wear it with ease. Only then will your own divine countenance shine through…”

Since then I’ve aspired to be more like the Great Hum and to accept with compassion misperceptions and projections from others — while also working to acknowledge my own failings in perception and the projections of my own shadow. It is always a work in progress.

Preface

Publishing this series on the medial personality is difficult for me. I am not an expert on anything except my own life and even there I’m still learning. My anticipation of others’ reactions threatens to derail the project. I am tempted to write for potential critics when I’m not on the verge of giving up altogether.

Concepts about the medial are complex and explaining them requires personal disclosure. It’s not easy to find the right balance of telling enough about myself to illustrate the concepts without making myself the focus. To counter that, I’m using material from my journal and from personal correspondence — revised only for clarity and for confidentiality. That writing is as unself-conscious and as honest as I get!

I want to reiterate something I wrote in the first article of this series:

“Listen for the echo of your own lives in what I’ve written. That is what is most important! Each of us knows more than we realize. Our ‘knowing; is not something anyone can teach us. It is something we already have; It is ours to discover or rediscover.”

Living in Two Worlds

While I can smile at the humor of this unicorn meme, it actually rings true for me. Events in the everyday world are disorienting. It is only in the depths of my inner world — a world where unicorns may be found — that I feel validated.

I was born living in two worlds. I think all of us are. As children we lived in the inner world of our imaginations as much as we did external reality of everyday consciousness. As we grew toward adulthood, this changed. The world of our imaginations was almost imperceptibly replaced by the consensual reality of everyday life. Some of us never stopped living in two worlds. It took many of us a long time to recognize this and some of us never will. It took me decades!

NOTE: I need to explain the words I use. Elsewhere I’ve written that the medial was born living in two worlds: “the outward world that is considered ‘reality’ by consensus and an inner world of the collective unconscious.” I interpret Jung’s term, ‘collective unconscious’ as an umbrella for other concepts that I associate with that realm: creativity, imagination, dreams, daydreams, fantasy, insights, intuitions, gut feelings, mystical experiences, altered states of consciousness, nonordinary experiences, etc. And so, I could also say that all of us were born living in the inner world of the collective unconscious and the outer world of the consensual reality.

I feel the unreality of ‘reality’. With a foot in each world, I can’t maintain my balance for very long. I fall to one side or the other. When I spend too much time in the consensual reality, I begin to believe in the separations that define it. Then I suffer. In the past I feared that complete immersion in the inner world would risk insanity. I don’t anymore.

I’m not sure when I began feeling drawn to this inner world. It had an eerie, seductive quality, and I called it the ‘Other Consciousness.’ It frightened me. I was afraid that I would get lost there and not be able to find my way back. And there was another fear, too:

“The fear that I’ll look foolish — that my body will be in one world and my consciousness in another, and I will act out in my body things appropriate to the other world but inappropriate to where it is.” (Poustinia Journal, July 1989)

Back then, I used Ira Progoff’s Intensive Journal to confront this Other Consciousness and my fear of it. The Intensive Journal provides a method for personifying concepts so that they can be explored in written dialogues — essentially inner conversations. Progoff called these conversations Dialogues with Events. It has always been my favorite part of the Intensive Journal.

After many dialogues over a period of several months, the Other Consciousness revealed itself as a trinity of concepts with one of them eventually shifting identities to that of my medial nature, ‘Medie’. That was in 1989.

In those dialogues, the Other Consciousness told me:

It is imperative that you learn to perform your role as medium (medial)correctly. There is much good that you could do. The dangers from a knowing misuse of that role are not nearly as great as its misuse from ignorance. And not much good can come from allowing it to happen — from allowing the ignorance to continue.

It would really help if you understood as much as possible about how the mediating works. You don’t have to deliberately use it. You already know some things about the process. At the very least, review and organize the knowledge you do have.

It would help if you could distinguish your own emotions from those belonging to someone else. It would also help if you could distinguish between responses that are genuinely to you from those that are to material that’s been mediated.

Being centered is a prerequisite to being able to make those distinctions, but you need to be more than just centered. Once you are centered, what you need to do will become clearer.

Despite my intention to immediately comply with this guidance, my inner work went into hiatus shortly after that. For the next twenty years or so my attention was drawn to the external world of school and work. Occasionally some personal distress would send me back to the Other Consciousness for assistance.

During the past decade, I’ve learned that when I have both feet firmly planted in the inner world, I can function well in both worlds — maintaining an awareness of oneness in the illusion of separation. It is not easy to do this, and far too frequently I fail. It is only in cooperating with Grace that I am able to do anything at all. It has taken most of my life to understand this.(Below is a quote from my Poustinia Journal from 2008)

Try walking with two ‘right’ feet. It’s easier than having a right foot and a left foot going in different directions.

Excerpts from my Poustinia Journal:

Sunday, October 22, 1989:(Reflecting on events surrounding my move from Iowa City to Los Angeles in 1973, a spiritual quest common to that time)That whole period in my life was lived at the point of convergence on my Map of Consciousness. I frequently lived in that Other Consciousness and my actions were determined by events there. But I also lived in the ordinary world and kept track of everyday reality and accepted responsibility for myself and the consequences of my actions in that everyday reality.

I remember, too, the confusion about which world to live in. The Other Consciousness usually felt more authentically ‘me.’ But sometimes it would seem too ‘far out,’ and I would switch back to everyday, practical reality where education, job, security and opportunities of advancement, conformity, etc., felt more appropriate. The ‘right’ thing to do. Acceptable. But I always knew which consciousness I was in. The confusion was about which to choose. The confusion over choice extends back before the period I wrote about — at least a year or two before that. And more likely all the way back to my childhood.

…I remember how the role of medial seemed to explain a lot of things that puzzled me about my problems with relationships. Recently while reading Codependent No More, I found in that whole syndrome(of codependence)a more complete and acceptable (reasonable, rational, normal) explanation of those same problems. Now this role of medial, psychic stuff comes up again. I suspect that they are both the same thing, but from different perspectives. Having weak boundaries is part of codependence, and I’ve also heard weak boundaries used as an explanation for psychic experiences.

I’m not sure where I am now on my Map of Consciousness, but I suspect I’ve been living more in ordinary reality, and my plans for school, career, marriage, etc. are in the ordinary reality. I wonder if they will continue to be so. Medie (My Role of Medial) and Other Consciousness both kept insisting on their importance in my life — “central to it” — no matter how much I argued against them. I hope the whole thing manages to be resolved, integrated, and made wholesome.

Earlier entries:

Sunday, May 29, 1988:I feel as if I live at the point of convergence of different ‘realities.’ I work hard at staying in the everyday, Ego reality, but occasionally drift toward Madness. It’s a weird, crazy sort of feeling that I try to avoid and push away. Depression, loneliness, unhappiness and anger aren’t a part of Madness. They are very much a part of the everyday, Ego reality. I want to live out of the Self, and I’ve been there enough to know what it’s like and that it’s possible to do that.

Self has a weird sort of feeling, too — weightless, free-fall. The initial experience of it is so much like Madness that I automatically push it away, too. The boundary between the Self and Madness is easily crossed and I’m afraid of moving toward the Self and finding myself in Madness instead.

Wednesday, April 26, 1989: I don’t have my ‘Map’ with me. But I feel as if I’m living out of my Self while trying to heal parts of Ego and Madness and having to fight the pull of each. If I can manage to do this — more or less by choice — maybe I will be able to handle ‘bad things’ happening without becoming severely depressed.

Ego reactions this morning. Feeling a little depressed. Insecurity about my ability to have loving relationships. Loneliness — wanting loving relationships. Reminded myself that living out of Self gives me all I need for me and for others. That is possible, and I can choose to do so.

Tonight feeling lonely and insecure — ‘different.’ Not like those who are people-oriented and with lots of people resources. Not as lovable as they. My most significant, human other is a professional relationship.

I’ve got to remember that feelings like this come from Ego. I’m not really needy or inadequate. I have it all within me. And I’ve been living out of that space for most of the last four months. That’s what I have to remember. Growth — and maybe eventual involvement with people — will come from that place within.

Let’s face it, I am different. Not eccentric or crazy, but ‘complex’ and ‘different’ and surprisingly simple, too.

Tuesday, June 27, 1989:After reading Chapter IV, Role of Woman as Mediator, in Irene Claremont de Castillejo’s, Knowing Woman, it’s obvious that the role of mediator (medial)is strongest in me. It explains a lot of things:

Needing to be alone so that I can sort out my own thoughts and emotions and distinguish them from the influences of others.

Being able to put on another’s skin and speak for him as I did so often in the various forms of group therapy — and for friends.

Why various people found my giving and caring to be threatening. G’s saying, “I was afraid you could see through me.” Maybe I saw too clearly. I was certainly experienced as being too intense.

The times I’ve misunderstood another but didn’t realize it until some time afterward. My delay in experiencing reactions to various events, feeling angry or insulted and discovering what I really wanted to say too long after the event to say it. Are these all part of being a medium, too? Having my identity so overshadowed by the person I’m with that I cannot respond as my Self until I am away from them, until I’m alone.

My Map of Consciousness. Feeling that I was at the convergence of Ego, Self, and Madness. The confusion of moving from one to another and feeling ‘crazy,’ or of being in two at once.

The poustinia is an appropriate vocation for a medial. But is it still mine? Can I achieve the greatest wholeness there? Or is marriage a better path for me? I would choose marriage if I could become whole enough to be a positive medial. Otherwise the quarantine of the poustinia would provide for the mutual protection of myself and the world around me. And maybe only in the solitude can I be positive enough to benefit both myself and the rest of the world.

Wednesday, June 28, 1989: I feel unlovable. Too different. Too uncomfortable. Too much the negative medial. When useful as a medial, too invisible. I pour myself out and there is nothing to fill me. In a marathon group therapy I did role playing for so many. Wanting someone to do that for me. No one did. No one could?

Anger (someone else’s not directed at me) – resistance to it makes me hard like a tuning fork. Opening to it makes me soft, and I let it flow through me and dampen its effect. So much material coming out. I feel overwhelmed by it at times. Drowning. I want a break from it. But afraid to stop the flow or try to slow it down.

Friday, June 30, 1989:How do I do that? How do I learn to control the mediating? Exploring the whole area of being a medial and an intuitive is a terrible temptation to pride and superiority. Every person I’ve known who has claimed to be psychic has been unbalanced and used the gift destructively. I would rather deny it than do that, but Irene Claremont de Castillejo says that it will just have to be dealt with by a later generation when other business would be more appropriate for them. I guess I’ll just have to wrestle with it as best I can.

There seems to be something very strong in me that will not allow the essential part of me to be lost or overshadowed for long. Self-preservation is a powerful force in me. My spiritual director has commented that I’ve continued to be my individual self even when it was confusing and uncomfortable to do so.

I really want to understand this medial role in myself. I want to see it for what it really is without all the prideful, ego inflating things getting in the way. I want to be able to distinguish events in the past when I operated as an undifferentiated medial from those that were something else entirely.

I honestly don’t think I’m a strong psychic. But something in me definitely appears to have acted as an undifferentiated medial. I have had difficulty sorting out my own thoughts and feelings from those of the people around me. ‘Impressionable’ I’ve called it. I am not as ‘impressionable’ as I used to be. Or am I? I’m not as ‘nice’ to unattractive people as I used to be. I’m most comfortable and at peace when I’m alone. But I’ve had lots of bad experiences with people since I was a child. Maybe this is all because I learned to be a people pleaser rather than being intuitive. Or do the two go together?

Map of Consciousness

These journal entries mention my Map of Consciousness. I chose to write about it last because it just sounds ‘crazy’!

I did a lot of work before I understood my reliance on the inner world. I experienced shifts that appeared to have more to do with different states of consciousness than with emotions. To sort this out, I created a map that divided consciousness into three, overlapping states: Madness,Sanctity, and Ego.

According to my Map of Consciousness:

Ego is everyday reality where things are:

ordinary,

controlled, and

known.

Madness and Sanctity share qualities of being:

extraordinary,

out of control, and

unknown.

They differ in that Madness is:

insane

unwholesome, and

sick.

Perhaps evil?

While Sanctity is:

wholesome,

holy, and

the true Self.

There is a fine line between Madness and Sanctity and a point of convergence where the three states meet.

I created my Map of Consciousnessbefore I learned about the medial (aka ‘mediumistic woman’), and found validation for it when I did. Plotting my experiences on the map, I often found that I was at or near the point of convergence. Below are two versions of my Map of Consciousness: a photo of the original and a recreation for clarity.

Original Map of Consciousness probably created in early 1988 or before.