Fatigue

I’m having a war with the voice in my head telling me to go home for the day. But I know that even though I’m quite tired, I still need to stay. I can’t afford working less than my full 40 hours, and boy do I truly need to pinch every penny. I bought some whole bean coffee for the house. Hot damn is that shit expensive or what? But I’m also a coffee snob who only drinks Peet’s. Shit is so rich, pure, smooth and good. It’s going to be a long day. Still quite slow out there. Here’s hoping we get busy and the end of the day comes sooner.

**UPDATE @ 2:00 pm**

I’m still here, and doing better after I ate some lunch. Not the best lunch, but this was kind of an emergency. I just needed something to keep me going today. Damn I hate music sometimes; all I can think about is being alone, and sorrowful about it to some extent. I really don’t need all the extra emotions bubbling up right now. It’s hard enough just managing my own stuff, let alone with extra salsa on top. But hey, no one said it was going to be easy. I don’t expect it to be either, but I should be allowed to remark on it.

So I’m hanging tough until the end of the day. Staying as busy as I can given the dreadfully low call volume. Sigh.

**UPDATE 3:30 pm**

I’ve found that things pick up after 2:30 when the first wave of people leave for the day. With only a few queue calls coming in, the workload gets dispersed between myriad available agents. But towards the end of the day, there are only a few still in, so the calls are concentrated, even backing up forcing more than a few minutes hold time. So it started out rather slow, but has picked up. You know blog… I have a lot to look forward to. I always have you, and you do such a great job listening. I have friends, and even if they are far away, they are still my friends and I appreciate them. Angi is coming over for dinner tomorrow, and Thursday night football will feature some of my fantasy players (J. Edelman and S. Gostkowski). I have a supportive family who loves me, and I’m super happy to be where I’m at with my life. I have no regrets about how I transitioned from a broken life, to a successful one. So chin up. It’s just Tuesday.

My Profile

I was diagnosed with Bipolar I in 2003 and have largely fallen flat on my face in my attempts to live successfully with this illness. I looked for meaning outside my self, and sought partnership, love and the comfort provided. As a result of never properly caring for my mental health, I was divorced twice, attempted suicide twice and have been hospitalized in three different California counties. I have absorbed the weight of my transgressions and decided to move forward towards meaning.
In 2013 I started investing in my recovery on a personal basis. I acquired skills, pursued introspection and began to take my illness very seriously. I did not want to commit suicide again. I had a fundamental desire to live with pride, and help those who could not help themselves. I wanted to reach out a friendly hand, much the way a hand had been offered to me when I needed it most. I knew I had caused pain in my past, and I did not want to be remembered as just that person who had lived that regrettable life.
Now, I work for the National Alliance on Mental Illness in Sacramento and I am the program coordinator for our Connection Recovery Support Groups. I do outreach, grant writing, website administration and I also work for NAMIWalks as a the 2019 Sponsorship Chairman. I hope to earn a place in the mental healthcare network here in my community and will work tirelessly towards promoting positive messages about the truth, hope and meaning of recovery.