Friday, March 25, 2005

A Big Jesus Horse

Good morning.

(Self promotional plea: pass this blog on to one new person today. Thanks.)

I was gonna write about the big JESUS HORSE that was pulled out of the ground this week (Scientists Find Soft Tissue in T-Rex Bone), but realized that the story about the "70-million-year-old Tyrannosaurus rex fossil" was probably planted by the liberals and secularists who've been trying to destroy Terry Schiavo, George Bush and Tom DeLay.

Plus, we all know that the earth is only 6,000 years old, so...the fossil can't be real.

"When will the liberals realize that they can't fool us with such absurd numbers?!"

(AP) March 25, 2005 - SEMINOLE, Fla. -- A man was arrested after trying to steal a weapon from a gun shop so he could "take some action and rescue Terri Schiavo," authorities said.

Cue the "Superman" theme.

Michael W. Mitchell, of Rockford, Ill., entered Randall's Firearms Inc. in Seminole just before 6 p.m. Thursday with a box cutter and tried to steal a gun, said Marianne Pasha, a spokeswoman for the Pinellas County Sheriff's Office.

"The Box Cutter: The Number One Choice for Terrorists Worldwide."

(Cheap Trick is from Rockford, btw.)

Mitchell, 50, told deputies he wanted to "take some action and rescue Terri Schiavo" after he visited the Pinellas Park hospice where she lives, Pasha said.

He wanted to take some action after he visited the hospice...and after he watched yesterday's Hannity & Colmes.

Randy McKenzie, the owner of Randall's Firearms, said Mitchell pulled out the box cutter and broke the glass on a couple of display cases.

"He told me if I wasn't on Terri's side then I wasn't on God's side, either," McKenzie told The Associated Press.

WHERE HAVE WE HEARD THAT LINE BEFORE!?

McKenzie said he then pointed his own gun at Mitchell and ordered him to lie on the ground. But Mitchell fled out the store's back door before police arrived, he said.

Is there a "dumber move" than trying to fuck with a GUN STORE OWNER?!

You KNOW that those guys (the gun store owners) are just DYING to kick ass.

He was being held on $125,000 bond on charges of attempted armed robbery, aggravated assault and criminal mischief, officials said.

It was not known if he had a lawyer.

He doesn't need one: he's on God's side.

Wonder if God will post bond?

We'll know everything we need to know about Michael Mitchell by the end of the day: Gauranteed - the bloggers are busy digging. Can't wait to hear what "church" he belongs to.