For lawyers only

Types of Lawyers #16: The Lawyer with the Shiny New Gadget

“It will make your life easier,” says the lawyer with the shiny new gadget. “Trust me on this one. Once you get one of your own, you won’t know how you ever lived without it.”

The lawyer with the shiny new gadget starts to hand it to you, but then changes his mind. You have to look at the gadget from across his desk.

There’s no doubt it looks intriguing. And the lawyer with the shiny new gadget knows that you're intrigued. He takes the opportunity to tell you more about it. It’s unobtrusive, he says, and barely noticeable. It’s as quiet as the very best legal secretaries. It can be set to lie on a flat surface or made to hover in the air. It’s so tiny it would fit into your mouth.

“And it would probably even taste good!” says the lawyer with the shiny new gadget. “Did I tell you what happens if you use it in the dark?”

“No,” you reply. “I don’t think you did.”

“It lights up automatically!”

“Do you ever use it in the dark?” you ask the lawyer with the shiny new gadget.

“Definitely,” he replies. “Most definitely. All the time. I plan to, anyway.”

For a moment, both of you are silent. But suddenly, the lawyer with the shiny new gadget grins at you and presses a button. He’s put his shiny new gadget into hover mode! Like magic, it lifts into the air. It hovers around the desk. You’re mesmerized by its tiny blinking lights and its quiet whirring sound.

It makes you think about your life and how complicated it is. Wouldn't it be wonderful if things could be simple again? But how? As it happens, the lawyer with the shiny new gadget has already answered the question: by buying a shiny new gadget of your very own!

Yes, that’s the answer. How long will it take? Not very long. If the shiny new gadget’s not on back order at the electronics store, it might happen this very afternoon.

[Like this post? It's one of many included in my book How to Feed a Lawyer (And Other Irreverent Oberservations from the Legal Underground). Details here.]

Holy shit. I went to a small firm CLE conference a couple of years ago and the entire thing was a sales pitch to buy new software. It made me crazy. I couldn't even stay for the second day. Gadgetry makes me ill.
-jw