Monday, May 18, 2009

RULESDrinking begins at puck drop.Pre-game media is totally masturbatory anyway, and you will be guaranteed maximum exposure. They're trying to sell the game they are about to show you to casual fans who might change the channel. Don't drink to anything they say until the first period begins--it's very dangerous. Intermissions, as you will see, are still fair game.

Single shot to be taken if:- it is mentioned that the Staals are brothers- if it is mentioned that there are other Staals, not present, who are also in the NHL- if a phrase such as "sibling rivalry" is used- if it is pointed out that BOTH STAALS ARE ON THE ICE- if anyone mentions the sod farm- if any random facts are introduced about the present Staals or the Staal family- if the Staal parents are mentioned- if any Staal reference occurs that would simply not occur in a one-Staal game

Doubleshot to be taken if:- a comparative Staal brother graphic is shown on the screen- if they are verbally compared AT LENGTH by the announcers (use your own discretion in deciding what "length" is)- if a video clip of the brothers/family is shown- if an interview with a Staal brother happens at intermission (add an additional shot if the Staal brother is asked anything about playing against his brother)- if the Staal parents are in attendance (this cancels out taking a single shot if the parents are mentioned, but not if they are mentioned separately from the fact that they are in attendance)

If you're playing an advanced version of this game, you can mix yourself a drink and keep it nearby.You can work on the mixed drink if:- there is an intermission feature on the Staal brothers- there is a mention of a Staal on Staal play, such as a Staal delivering a crushing check on another Staal, or a Staal being stripped of the puck by another Staal (This is part of the game and understandably both Staals are players and may occasionally be forced to play against one another. It's the NHL for Christ's sake. We make this mixed drink territory for the sake of your health.)- if the game is over and the team you were rooting for shit its pants

Stop if you feel sick/want to stop. We will not be held responsible for any shit that happens to you playing this game. You play at your own risk, kids.

SOME CAUTIONARY SUPPLEMENTSThe first time we played this game, it was a regular season broadcast of Versus for the Penguins @ NYR with Jordan and Marc. Marc is a defenseman and it was the regular season and as we played strictly to rules (as long as we could even fathom the rules, that is), we were fucking waaaaaaasteddddddd. Imagine a playoff series. Imagine a forward line matchup. JStaal's line may often be given the duty of boxing in a top scoring line, much like EStaal's. This could get bad. For this reason:- Feel free to just use mixed drinks and take one big sip for a single shot and two big sips for a doubleshot. In mixed drink territory, just drink like you normally would if you were drinking for pleasure and not giving a shit about a drinking game.- Feel free to drink to every second or third reference.- Feel free to wait until Game 3 or so when the novelty of the brothers matchup may have lost its luster to a certain degree and the announcers are more into the groove of hockey as opposed to hype.