Sister and sister in law rivalry

Amanda - posted on 10/06/2009
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Well I have three boys of my own and I have always let my sister in law take them where ever she wanted and I also trusted that they were well taken care of when they were with her. Well she just had her first son last April and she doesnt trust me to watch her son. Should I take offense to that? Should I keep my children from being around her alone because of the fact she doesnt trust me with her child?

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Kelly - posted on 10/06/2009

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Just be patient-I'm sure she doesn't mean to hurt you. Some moms are just more relaxed with other people keeping their kids than others are. I, for one, have always hated leaving mine with anyone. I just hate for them to be out of my sight! It could be that since this is her first, she is a little nervous for him to be around your kids without being there. I don't know the age of your kids, but even though she loves them, it still might be hard for her to think of them picking him up, etc. Every mom is more uptight with their first. Maybe she doesn't like sending him to the in-laws, but feels she has to, because it is expected. Or maybe, if there are no other kids there, it doesn't make her as nervous. There are probably a lot of reasons, but as I said, she surely doesn't mean to hurt you, because as someone else said, you obviously have a good relationship with her.

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Amanda - posted on 10/06/2009

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I understand about the first child not being out of your sight, but she ships him over to her in-laws probably two weekends out of the month. So that hurts me alittle bit. I have raised my children, so far, very good, to where there wouldnt be any reason not to trust me. I have only asked once, and that was to bring him to our house so I could take pictures of him with my three boys for an hour. I have mentioned it to her about I didnt appreciate her not trusting me. I should have explained alittle more, she would take my youngest to Daycare when needed (if I was at an appt) and I would let them go to her house if she would want them too. She was even going to take them to the Zoo with her last year... I am VERY much into the family thing and I live 500 miles away from my family and my 3 nephews. So im just alittle hurt not being able to spend time with her son, since he is the only nephew we have here.

I don't think it's anything personal, my son is almost 10 months old and I don't even wanna leave him with my husband, lol! I think it's just a new mommy thing. When my friend had her baby she didn't even let anyone hold her!

Well I have three boys of my own and I have always let my sister in law take them where ever she wanted and I also trusted that they were well taken care of when they were with her. Well she just had her first son last April and she doesnt trust me to watch her son. Should I take offense to that? Should I keep my children from being around her alone because of the fact she doesnt trust me with her child?

I wouldn't take offense to it. I know it's hard not to be hurt by it, but she's a new Mom. Don't punish your children by keeping them away from someone that is important in their lives. My guess is that once your sis in law's baby gets a little older she'll change her tune. She probably isn't trusting anyone right with her new baby right now. This is a new experience for her. A lot of Mom's react that way when they first become mothers. Give her time. Explain to her that you know being a new Mom is a scarey thing sometimes and just let her know that you're there for her. Lend an ear & give advice when it's appropriate. Good luck!

Maybe it's because you have 3 kids already and she thinks you won't be able to take care of a newborn as well. It might be that she's insecure about leaving him with ANYONE. I know I didn't leave my son with anyone, even people who knew everything about kids, until he was over a year old. I wouldn't keep her from seeing your kids because they obviously have a good relationship with her and it would be a punishment for them as well as her to suddenly (and for no reason they can see) not be allowed to see her.

I would cool it with letting her take your kids. She has her own child to take care of now plus it would be a lot of work for a new mother to take care of 4 kids and give them all the attention they need.It depends on the relationship with your sister in-law. I think you should confront her. My sister in-law has 7 kids i used to watch them alot to but i did have my son my son was 3 months preemature and i just do not feel comfortable leaving my son there alone its nothing against them i just feel that they have their own children to care for and i wouldn't want to be a burden on them.

It is common that first time mothers wont let thier child out of thier sight (if he is her first child). So just work with her tell her that she can trust you and if she wonts she can call every hour. Or else she will just have to say goodbye to dating if she isn't married. Your willing to watch him with no charge you can't beat it.