"Child Support"

Since I started writing professionally people have always told me that my writings are pro-woman and that at times I come off as being a feminist. Obviously I am a woman, therefore I can only write from a woman’s perspective, however that doesn’t mean I am a feminist or a male basher. There are a lot of things that women do that I don’t agree with, and in those instances I will side with men and speak on the issue. This commentary is probably going to offend the guilty and raise the praises of the oppressed and I am more than fine with that, this won’t be the first time I step on some toes and it certainly won’t be the last.

As I stated there are certain things that women do that I do not agree with, one of them being putting a man who is more than willing to provide for his child or children financially on child support. Unfortunately we are the generation of baby mamas and baby daddies leaving no room for compromise when it comes to co-parenting. It appears to me that many young women today who have put themselves in the compromising position to be someone’s baby mama are bitter, angry and have a chip on their shoulder. There is this ideal that if a man doesn’t want to be with you even after you have had his baby that you can get back at him by filing child support on him. This has to be the stupidest thing I have ever heard! Involving the state in your life is not the answer to any problem, it actually will make your situation worse. By putting child support on the father of your child or children you are building anger and hate inside him that will never be reversed, especially a man who is in all actuality a man and takes care of his responsibilities. Failure to pay child support in the state of Missouri is a felony, so if you have a man who is unable to meet his support order obligation a warrant will be issued for his arrest, his driver’s license will be suspended and he will be locked up. Now what? You aren’t going to get a dime because for one you don’t make no money in prison and two there are very few good paying jobs looking to hire felons. I am not one who agrees with locking a man up for not being able to meet his state mandated obligations, because if you locked up you can’t work! Women don’t take these things into account when they run to Family Support Division on Page, all they know is that they want to make this man’s life as hard as possible because she’s not getting her way. This way of thinking sets women back a hundred years. Being a single mother I know how hard it is raising a child alone, especially when it comes to finances, but if you have a man who wants to take care of his child or children let them! There aren’t that many men who are willing to do so voluntarily, if you have that value it, don’t abuse it cause he’s moved on or just don’t want you.

Now, on the other hand there are these dead beats out here that you couldn’t get a dime from if you loaned it to them. These are the ones that we need to go after for child support, these are the ones who deserve to be put under the jail for not being responsible. Any man who refuses to not only help raise his children but refuse to work to provide for them is not a man at all. This is where choices and good judgment come into play, you knew when you laid down and had unprotected sex with Lil Ray Ray that he had four other children that he wasn’t taking care of, so what made you think your baby would be any different? My Granny used to say “Mama’s baby and Daddy’s maybe.” This is something that has always stuck with me, because a man is never really legally obligated to raise a child. Men have the option of signing a child’s birth certificate and many men are choosing not to so they are free of legal financial obligations. In the state of Missouri the father is held responsible for children’s medical benefits, so if a child is receiving Medicaid, the state will go after the father for either child support or force him to put the child on the insurance provided by his employer. There is one final “tid bit” that makes the child support war all the more gruesome. The state of Missouri will not “bastardize” a child, meaning in Missouri if a man who is not the father signs the birth certificate he is legally responsible for that child even if paternity proves otherwise. The real father must be identified before the birth certificate will be amended freeing the said father of his responsibilities. In other words, even if you ain’t the daddy you are the daddy if you sign that paper! The moral of the story is, choose wisely when bringing a life into this world. We put these innocent children through these wars of back and forth not realizing that it is them that are being damaged in the long run. Ladies we have got to stop trying to get back at these men by using the children as collateral. Most men don’t know there are laws that protect them as well when it comes to being an unwed parent, you just have to seek them. What makes a woman who uses their children and the threat of child support on a man any less dead beat than a man who doesn’t do for his children? I will leave you all with that thought.