And here’s another lesson in good manners:
Throwing the bouquet behind you to see who’s next? Really poor taste at
funerals.
I just got a new microwave for my wife. It was a good trade. I hope she will
be happy with the new guy.

Oh no – you’ve literally just missed your mother in law. Would you like some
new ammo?
A friend of mine asked if he could crash on the sofa. He said he’d like to
stay at my place for a couple of nights.

He’s such a naive puppy.
I’ve been married for six years now. Where does he think I sleep?
Wife tells her husband over the
phone: “Sorry darling, but we have to go our separate ways.” -After
a moment of silence, the husband replies, “OK, but you hang up first.”Who doesn’t love waking up, looking at the person sleeping next to you and
starting the day with a long, loving kiss? Apparently the airline had a
different take on these things.
My wife was feeling awfully sick when I got home from work. It was so bad I
had to carry her to the kitchen so she could prepare dinner.
Wife: Phillip, you have no clothes on, and you're oiled. Why?! Please
explain yourself. -Husband: Well, you did nag me. You said that I
never glisten!

My wife had a terrible accident today with my car. -OMG, is she
hurt?- Not yet. She locked herself in the bathroom.
That awkward moment when you realize that marital vows have robbed you of
your right to a fair share of blanket.First Part
Husband and Wife Jokes