Accept and Fight

How I’m Coping with Cancer

by Anne Beckman

For six and a half years, a monster
named cancer has been
chewing on my body. It began
with breast cancer. After a year’s treatment,
the beast went into remission.
Three years later, pre-cancerous cells
demanded a hysterectomy. Two years
later, cancer reappeared on my skull
and spine.

Clearly, a coping technique was
in order. Through experience, I have
mine. It is “Accept and Fight.” A dual
attitude leading to dual action. Adopting
this dual attitude is survival gear.
Every coping technique flows from either
one attitude or the other.

Acceptance is the attitude that says,
“Yes, I have cancer. I will do what the
doctors say. I won’t hide my cancer.
I realize I will need help from others.
I realize this disease will make profound,
permanent changes in my life.”

Acceptance first means listening to
your body, knowing what cancer is doing
to it, trying
to keep ahead
of it. It also
means organizing.
Coping
with cancer is
your job now,
so know your
stuff – your
doctors,
medications,
limitations,
pharmacy, treatments. Keep a list of
them at home and in your Blackberry.

Acceptance means letting others
help you. This goes beyond casseroles
and get-well cards. It includes any tasks
family and friends can do for you, as
well as visits when you can handle it.
It lifts others’ spirits to help someone
they care for.

Finally, acceptance can lead you
to receive help from a group with a
common experience. The Wellness
Community was my rock when I had
breast cancer. I could cry there, learn
there, laugh there, and teach there.

Fighting is the attitude that says,
“I understand I have a life-threatening
disease, but I will fight it with all I have.
I will feel angry and sorry for myself.
I will feel sick. But I will not let this
disease conquer my spirit.” It’s the attitude
that says, “I have cancer, but it
will not possess me.”

There are days spent vomiting, objects
stuck in your body that hurt, hair
loss, and hospital stays. These can
cause you to lose your morale. There
is also anxiety: Will I ever get better?
How much is this costing me? I look
so ugly without hair! Anxiety can
make you as sick as the cancer can.

Depression can come so easily from
a weakened body. After four chemo
treatments, breast surgery, then more
chemo during an especially harsh winter,
I let anxiety claim me. My sense of
humor disappeared. I talked little and
was afraid of the telephone. I kept
everything inside, until I broke down
during a doctor’s appointment. This
breakdown could have been avoided
by giving voice to my feelings early on.

Lesson learned: Kill the anxiety –
or any lousy feeling – before it kills
you. Asking for help to fight painful
emotions is just as important as fighting
the disease.

I still have cancer. I get a monthly
treatment to remove this monster from
me. As I write this, the metal cage that
replaced the two cancerous vertebrae
is securely in place. The CAT scan I
had last September said the cancer is
no longer spreading, but my lymphatic
system is weakened. I do what my
doctors say. Life is okay! Just keep
to the plan. May it work for you, too.
You have all my support.

♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦

Anne Beckman is a
breast cancer survivor living in
Indianapolis, IN.

This article was published in Coping® with Cancer magazine,
January/February
2010.