Before we can even begin talking about someone being a friend to us, it is vital that we ask ourselves this question “Am I a friend? Sometimes, it is so easy for us to want others to be good friends to us but the truth of the matter is that sometimes we are not good friends to them. It is important that we evaluate ourselves and those we surround ourselves with. We are reminded in 1 Corinthians 15:33 that, Do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character.” You can’t expect to grow when you are constantly hanging around people who aren’t nurturing or willing to see you grow. You might have been friends with certain people for a long period of time but as time passed, you realized that your relationship with that person started to drift apart. As much as you have talked to that person about the distant changes, you still see no changes in your relationship. To be honest, at this point you need to understand that the season that person was in your life is over. Yes, there are instances that people who drift apart can reconnect later on down the line but it is very important to let that person go. It is very important for you to be aware of the people you are hanging around with because they can aid or hinder in your growth as an individual. Many times, we start to develop some of the bad habits and characteristic traits our friends have without knowing it. Until someone stops us in our tracks, we will continue to cultivate these habits. Understand that it is okay to re-evaluate your circle. As you continue to grow, you’ll grow apart from certain people naturally. This does not mean that they weren’t good friends but you’ll come to understand that everyone serves a purpose in your life. Some people are in your life for a season and others for a lifetime. The people you surround yourself with can be a reflection of who you are to a certain degree.

Characteristics To Look For In A Friend:

Respectful

Genuine

Compassionate

Supportive

Forgiving

Iron Sharpens Iron

Encouraging

Loyal

Good Listener

Trustworthy

Understanding

Non- Judgemental

Honest

Humorous

Empathetic

Goal Oriented

Hard working

Gentle

Outgoing

Down To Earth

Types of Friendships:

Godly Friendships: Christ Based; Self-less (Purpose driven)

Worldly Friendships: Focused On Self (If you do this for me, then I will do the same for you. It’s more of a competition than willingness to see each other grow.

Categories/Classifications In Friendships

According to author S. L. Young, there are individuals within our social circles, who aren’t necessary our friends but are as follows:

Acquaintance or Associate: there is familiarity with someone, but there isn’t a personal relationship.

Appendage: friendly because there’s a possibility that an individual’s success will help them.

Conditional: a requirement placed on a relationship that’s dependent on a certain need being met.

Counterfeit: gives the impression of being a friend, but isn’t someone who can be trusted.

Evaluative: determines the significance of a relationship based on the last thing(s) provided or done.

Fair-Weather: disappears during a time of need, but will return once a bad time or situation passes;

Leech: drains an individual of their energy, essence, or desire to move forward;

Occasional: friendly during certain times, but suddenly stops being friendly without any reason or notice. At a later time, the person will be friendly (again) on their terms.

Negative: considers themselves to be a friend, but is always pessimistic about things related to the friendship or the things that their friend does.

Situational: an individual suddenly becomes friendly once a certain event occurs that there might be a personal benefit.

Spiteful: jealous of someone’s efforts to achieve or actual success;

Toxic: gives an impression of providing support, but actively works to undermine their efforts.

After reading this, do you identify yourself with some of these characteristic traits? If so, what are some ways you are willing to change?

Are you the type of friend you are looking for in a friend?

What are some ways you can grow physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually?

What category would you place your friendships? (Godly or Worldly)

Are you afraid to talk to your friends about God? If so, why not?

Do your friendships glorify God?

Are your friendships comprised of gossiping, negativity and etc?

Before reading this post, did you know the difference between worldly/Godly friendships?

Lessons Learned In My Personal Walk (Friendships)

Your friends from high school aren’t necessary going to be your buddies forever.

You will drift apart from certain friends. It hurts but later on, you’ll understand that the dynamic of your friendships have changed. This doesn’t mean that they are bad people but understanding that their season in your life is over.

Learn to prioritize. If people don’t prioritize you, you don’t have to do the same. So pretty much if you are always the one reaching out and trying to maintain a friendship and the other person isn’t making effort, learn to take a seat. Reach out to them but don’t continue to stretch yourself out to the point where you get worn out. Do your friends only call you when they need something? Express how you feel about your friendship. If you see the same patterns, it is a sign that it’s time to let go.

Learn to pray/reach out to your friends. Just because you text someone and they say that “they are fine” doesn’t always mean they are. Do your best to check up on them even though they may not do it as often as you do. If you can, call them or meet up if you can.

Not everyone has the same heart as you. What you are willing to do for others may not necessary mean they are willing to do the same for you.

Learn to communicate how you feel to your friends and those you love. Express your thoughts in regards to a situation. If you feel that what your friend say or did to you was hurtful, let them know. Don’t walk around like it’s cool because you want to squash the situation.

Confrontation is good. It isn’t as bad as many people think of it. It’s all about how you say things and approach it. It’s also important to know the person you are dealing with. I will definitely say from experience that when you are going to meet a person that you have a problem with or haven’t seen in a while, pray about it. “Lord I come before you as I am. I lift Moriah into your hands. I thank you for this meeting we will have. I pray that your presence will be at our meet-up. Help me to speak in love. In Jesus name, I pray. Amen

Your friends (friends) aren’t necessarily your friends.

Understand that some people are seasonal types of friends. They played a purpose in your life and that’s what matters. Perspective is key. The longer you prolong someone’s season in your life, the more you miss the purpose the were in your life. Some friends drift apart naturally. Other times, you have be the person to separate from them.

Know your friends. Understand that just because you are willing to call someone or check up on your friends every week doesn’t mean they are willing to do the same. This doesn’t mean that they aren’t your friends. You just have to understand that life happens. We all have responsibilities and as much as it will be great for your friends to check up on your as least once or twice or month, let’s be honest that we have friends who reach out once every 3 months.

Listen to what people are saying but also listen to what they are not saying. One of the greatest advice that someone gave me. People will talk but their action will speak louder than their words.

Be careful who you share your information with. Do you find yourself always sharing your information with your friends but they never share anything with you? Like the only information you know about them is their name, favorite color and their nationality?

Learn to spend time with yourself. It’s okay to spend time in your own company. It’s not every day be around people. Even though this was not a problem for me, I find that quite a lot of people struggle with spending time alone.

Understand that you can’t have friends exclusively for you. It’s interesting because someone I know mentioned that sometimes it hard for her because she doesn’t have friends that are exclusively her friends. Either the person she wants to be friends with is already friends with her friends. If that’s the case, go on and get to know people. Join organizations. Pray and allow God to bring people your way.

As life goes, friendships will require more work. Those who are meant to be your friends will be, no matter how challenging life gets. Just like any relationship, it takes work. Your friendships should be natural. You don’t force it. From experience, I always try to maintain friendships. I’ve always had this type of mentality that no matter what season we are in, summer or winter, we are in it forever. So if that means I’m going to forgive you to maintain this friendship, then fine. Overtime, I’ve learned that you can’t continue to maintain friendships with people who aren’t willing to do the same. Friendship is a two way street, not a one way path. 🙂

There are levels to friendship. Man, I just learned this concept this year. My friend will say this in our conversations but I just didn’t get it. For me, if your my friend, (your my friend). I don’t place you in no category. I didn’t understand it until my male friend mentioned the same thing as my female friend. My sister will say not everyone has keys to her hotel. Some people belong in the lobby, the parking lot and etc. This concept will really help you to understand that not everyone has the key to your heart. So my male friend described it as follows. (Level 1 Friendships: People you meet and have a conversation with (nothing deep). Level 2 Friendships: These people know things about you. They have met your family. If you didn’t have a place to live and needed a place to stay for like 3 months, you’ll be fine with it. Level 3 Friendship: These type of friendships are brotherly/sisterly love. You have a good relationship with these people. They are there for you. If you didn’t have a place to live and wanted to stay with them for a year, it is completely fine with them.

Not everyone you encounter is meant to be a part of your life. Some encounters must stop at hello.

Never stop being who you are because how people have treated you in the past.

Make room in your heart for the people God will bring in your life. Not everyone that comes in your life is there to hurt you but everyone serves a purpose in your life.

At the start of this year, I started a project which entailed of me asking people who are much older than me this question “What advice will you give your younger self?” It’s been quite interesting the responses I have received by far. In the month of March, I documented all the responses I received and shared it with you all. Today, I will be sharing part two (responses with you all from (April – July).

Daphne: 4/16/2017

Trust God

Your beautiful

Value your friendships, family/relationships

Kwame: April 19th, 2017

Stay focused

Have more confidence

Think through before making decisions

Don’t compromise

Bichelle: April 21st.2017

Follow your instincts

Stick to what you believe

You are beautiful

Eileen Halsman:

Be selective of the men you chose. (70+ years old)

Adaeze: 5/27//2017

Don’t be hard on yourself. Don’t be afraid to make mistakes.

Lindsey: 5/27/2017

Get saved

Bamidele (7/22/2017)

-Your dreams will take a longer time to happen but it will happen eventually so you were worried for nothing.

-Dear younger self, next time pick up that call from Jesus earlier. You kept running from all those ladies he sent you in high school. But i am happy I eventually got your attention said Jesus.

-You worry too much about what people think and missed out on a lot because you were afraid you’d offend someone. Next time, let’s start not worrying about what others would say or do. Just be worry what the Lord God thinks.

Patience. If you don’t have patience and if someone wants to get to know you, you’ll miss out. Don’t judge before knowing a person. Deep down the person may be the person for you.

To know myself better

Don’t marry someone who is so much older than you. Find someone you can have fun with. When someone is so much older than you, sometimes, there isn’t any chemistry/no relationship between you and the person.

Carrie (Waitress) : 7/28/2017

Don’t give up your virginity before marriage. I wish I could have waited.

Don’t take in what people say. Be wise. Don’t be easily deceived. There’s a lot of darkness out there. The heart is deceitful.

Put God first. The best wisdom is from God. Continue to study his word.

Know your worth. Don’t settle for anything. (You are an asset. Know what you bring to the table. You are an addition to someone’s life, not a subtraction. If they don’t appreciate you, that’s their problem. “Sister’s Advice to Me”

Understand that some friends are in your life for a season. People grow apart and though it’s painful, such is life.

Don’t be afraid to venture out to try new things. Get out of your comfort zone.

Spend time with your family. Create memories with them. Take lots of pictures & Record videos with them. Interview your parents. Ask them about their childhood/advice they would give to their younger self. It’s been amazing doing this so trust me, make the most out of it. Like my mom/dad says “Life is too short”. We are alive by God’s grace so make the most out of each day you are granted 🙂

Waking up in the morning is a gift/testimony despite how you are feeling. Someone didn’t wake up. Be grateful.

Every trial that we face in this lifetime serves as a purpose. Though we may not understand every situation, there is always a lesson if we pay attention.

Be careful who you share your information with. Not everyone has a good interest at heart.

Don’t take yourself too seriously. Laugh often.

Don’t give people the power over you.

Continue being yourself. Kind you are. Caring you are. Never change who you are because of how people have treated you.

Save your money. This is not something that was difficult for me because I love to save but it may be a reminder to someone else.

Speak life into your situation. Pray about everything. I mean everything. Get in the position where you can pray at all times. God is listening. He is closer than you think.

Prioritize. If people don’t prioritize you, you don’t have to do the same for them.

Don’t stress over things. Things will eventually work out for you. God has your back.

Read books. Never stop educating yourself outside of the classroom.

Stay Focused On Your Goals. Don’t make excuses because time surely flies and before you know it, all that you had set for yourself has not been accomplished.

As the year wraps up, its time to reflect. If you can look back in past years, what have you learned thus far? What are some lessons you have mastered? What are you still learning?

1. Letting Go: For so long, I held on and fought for relationships especially friendships with people. It got to a point that I realized that friendship is a two way street not a one way street. If people can’t take the time to reach out to you, remember you on your birthday, or simply take the time for you as you do for them, distance yourself.

2. Communication: Expressing how I feel and where I stand in situations. I am told that I’m strong minded. Yes, I am. I will listen to you and give you my feedback but that doesn’t mean I’m going to partake in every activity your interested in that is negative.

3. Seasons: There is a season for everything. You will go through things in your life and it may seem that no one is there for you because everyone is doing their own thing but that is okay. You will cry, reach out to people and they may never get back to you but you’ll learn. Sometimes, you have to go through it in order for you to learn. It’s part of life. You will grow, live to tell your story. You have to push through every storm. You’ll learn to trust God and seek him in all things.

4. Priority: Learn to prioritize. You don’t have to be everywhere your friends are. Take time for yourself and the things that are important at the moment. Sometimes, we prioritize people who don’t make us a priority in their lives.

5. Friends: Not everyone you meet is your friend. There are associates and friends. Be careful because sometimes you think someone is your friend but they don’t consider you as their friend. They will take advantage of you. You will become the beneficiary in their lives. There are people who care for you. Don’t allow how people treated you in the past to affect how you see people in your life. There’s a season for everything. Not everyone is meant to be apart of your journey. Some people are only meant to be apart of the journey for a season and others a lifetime. Friends come and go. Don’t put your entire energy on a friendship that you can see is not beneficial. Pray for your friends and even those who are no longer friends with you. It takes courage and maturity for this one.

6. Distance: Learn to distance yourself from certain people. Not everyone means well for you. Distance in itself can show you who your friends are. Yes, we outgrow people but some people just change. Some people stop talking to you especially when they meet new people. There’s nothing you can do about it. You just learn where you stand with that person especially if you communicate how you feel and the person still does make an effort to maintain that friendship, do yourself a favor by leaving it alone.

7. God: The best relationship I have had in years. I’ve learned much through experiences and I’m thankful for them all. Drawing near. Studying the word. Attending Bible Study. Simply learning and growing in the Lord has been been amazing.

8. Storms: This too shall pass. We all go through situations. There’s no such thing as a Perfect life. Some people tell their stories out loud and some people bottle it inside. How you choose to heal is different from everyone. Don’t allow your situations to take control of your mind, all God who is in Control to take his place in every one your storms. Light will come.

9. Perspective: This is a test I have passed and I thank God so much. How you choose to view your life/circumstances can either make you or break you. I know that God is in control. If I’m feeling down or don’t understand something I lay it down. I go before Him in prayer. Even in those days, my silence is louder, God is aware. I’m thankful for my friends that are also believers. When I don’t understand something, I ask them on their take on a situation. They always give me Christ based advice.

10. God’s Will is Not My Own: Even when things do not go as intended, I thank God because his hands was in it. Asking God to have his way in my life/situations has helped and changed my life in so many ways. As humans, we always want things done at a time desirable to us but sometimes, it’s not what God intended or wants. He knows best and chooses best. Learn to seek and trust him in all your earthly doings.

From me to you: What have you learned by far in 2016? Feel free to share or even write it in a journal. As you take the time to read mine, I hope you get something out of it. God bless you all. I will be sharing more with you. Take care ✨😊