Pam is weird.
Since weird just seems to attract more weird, her email inbox is always stuffed with the weirdest of the weird. After she deletes the prayers and angels this is what's left.
At some point we knew it would spill out and infect society. We sincerely apologize for spreading the infection to you.

Monday, September 22, 2008

Are you Martha or Maxine?

Martha: Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of an ice cream coneto prevent ice cream drips.Maxine: Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, forPete's sake! You are probably lying on the couch with your feet upeating it, anyway!

Martha: To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag withthe potatoes.Maxine: Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix. Keeps in the pantry for upto a year.

Martha: When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bitof the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on theoutside of the cake.Maxine: Go to the bakery! Hell, they'll even decorate it for you!

Martha: If you accidentally over-salt a dish while it's still cooking,drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for aninstant 'fix-me-up.'Maxine: If you over-salt a dish while you are cooking, that's too bad.Please recite with me the real woman's motto: 'I made it, you will eatit and I don't care how bad it tastes!'

Martha: Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting in the refrigeratorand it will keep for weeks.Maxine: Celery? Never heard of it!

Martha: Brush some beaten egg white over pie crust before baking toyield a beautiful glossy finish.Maxine: The Mrs. Smith frozen pie directions do not include brushing eggwhites over the crust, so I don't.

Martha: Cure for headaches: take a lime, cut it in half and rub it onyour forehead. The throbbing will go away.Maxine: Take a lime, mix it with tequila, chill and drink! All yourpains go away!

Martha: If you have a problem opening jars, try using latex dish washinggloves. They give a non-slip grip that makes opening jars easy.Maxine: Go ask that very cute neighbor if he can open it for you.

Martha: Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubesfor future use in casseroles and sauces.Maxine: Leftover wine??????????? HELLO!!!!!!!

Maxine: Lastly, if you don't forward this to 1 of your friends withinthe next 5 minutes, your belly button will unscrew and your butt willfall off. Really... it's true! Have I ever lied to you?

before you send hate mail

If something in this blog offends you, please accept my apologies, then keep it to yourself. I take great pride in my ability to laugh at myself and the world around me. My mission on earth, this lifetime, is to point out all of these funnies to you.

If you think this blog is funny, congratulations and thank you. My job here is done.

If, after reading this, you are still offended by anything in this blog, take two jokes by Carlos Mencia and see me in the morning.

thanks

Thank you to all the authors, photographers, email passers-on, and clueless rednecks who unknowingly contributed to this collection of emails and photos.

If you authored or photographed anything in this collection, or appeared in any photos shared here, please let us know and we will gladly give you full credit for your work. If you would like us to remove your work/photo(s) please let us know, and they will be forever removed from this site as soon as we receive your request. Either way, please allow us a few days to make changes, as we access this site only a few times a week.