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Joan Marie Lawson Answers Questions About Love

More Answers to difficult love situations

Question

my boy friend has changed entirely.Earlier
he was madly in love with me we shared great love in relationship,although we
use to have fights very often but love and passion never died,he was highly
passionate for me and wanted to marry me as soon as possible.But after some
of our worst fights he changed.I want him love me back as earlier. We talk to each
other but initiation in making relationship worth is only from my side.I want
him back in my life. He told me to marry me and reason he gave that he had sex
with me and mad me once pregnant thats why he is marrying me not love.i want
him to love me back.

Answer
He is tired of the fights. That is why he does not want to come back. Passion is not enough to keep a relationship together. You must be able to communicate in a way that helps one another grow
and feel good about yourselves. The fights bring down both of your self esteem and he feels these
arguments are very toxic.

You must learn to communicate in a way that is more gentle rather than get into constant power struggles for you two to have a healthy and successful relationship.

You must give him some time to heal from the arguments and learn not to fight with him.
Otherwise, I do not see this relationship going the way you want.

Question
We are separated. Do you see my wife and I working it out soon? If so, can I know the time frame please? I’m damaged and hurting and need to know what I need to do.

Answer
I feel you and she CAN reunite. However, there is an issue that started in the way you two communicate that has grown into distance and misunderstanding. I feel that she has
turned to another for comfort and that you may have sensed this. My concern is that your
attempts to regain her love have backfired on you. She felt misunderstood in the relationship
in that she was not being listened to. So she sought comfort elsewhere.This is something
that happened over time and cannot be fixed overnight.

The issue here is that she needs something in the way you communicate with her to change
for her to be willing to work on rebuilding the marriage.
My advice, to make this work, is to start treating her as a friend and do not attempt to convince
her to reunite. Simply to learn to listen to her issues without trying to fix them. Just listen to
her when she wants a caring ear. She will notice the difference if you work on remaining calm
and let her know you are her friend no matter what. This is what she wanted in the first place,
a supportative friend. You cannot control her, but you can control your own reactions and in that
you may find that she becomes more receptive.

But for things to work, you must be willing to make some changes in communication.

Question
I've been with my boyfriend for two and a half years everything was going good then he started to change one minute he loves me the next he don't then one minute he wants to come home I don't know what else to do I know he is my soul mate please help me.Everything was in order when he was home now every thing is falling apart please help me get our family back together

Answer
you will find that when you stop pursuing him he will come after you. The question you might
want to ask yourself is, are you calling and texting him more than he is texting you when he pulls away?
You see, he does not like being pursued. He wants to be the one chasing but only when he is not busy with other things. So to keep him interested, do not appear needy in any way. Let him wonder where you are and let him be
the one who gets jealous when you do not return his texts right away instead of things being the other way around.

Also, be nice to him when he is trying to impress you and others. He wants to feel like a strong man around you.
Build his ego when he seeks your company, but let him be the one who seeks you out first.

HE is going through a crisis of ego and wants to know that he is still attractive to other women. When he can take you for granted ( IE you are pursuing him by behaving in a needy fashion) he starts to miss the thrill of the chase. You being so available to him kills his chasing ( hunting) instinct and he starts to look for that thrill in other places, with other women. IF he sees you as a prize who makes him feel good about himself, and whom he has to win over from the potential of other men coming into your life, he will come back after you and not others.

Question
Dear Joan
My bf and I broke up 2,5 months ago. I had broken up with him 3
times in the past. This time he did not ask me to continue. He's
understandably raised a wall and keeping me at a distance. I love him...I
know it is a good decision to remain separated. We've stayed in touch.
Yesterday he called me up to wish me happy birthday. He told me we'd meet up
soon for a cup of coffee. I still have feelings for him and I am not sure
it's a good idea. He's blocked me out several times and he's moved on while I
haven't yet. What I would like to know is whether he's still in love with me.
If I know where he stands I will be able to feel better if and when we'll
meet up.

Answer
He still has feelings for you but is not ready to commit. Meet him as a friend and do not talk about the relationship. The way back into his heart is by being friends agin and showing him you can be emotionally supportive without being needy.

This one is going to take time to heal and for old patterns to change. He is carefully checking to see if those patterns are changing. Do not be upset if he talks about other women. He is just testing
you.
Question
Boyfriend aburtly left I was told a female has a love spell on him
will he return home

Answer
Beware of the "love spell scam" this person is trying to take your money to "remove" the spell.
When it does not work she will tell you that there is "too much bad energy" and she will need money for "supplies"
this will go on and on until you are drained of money and still have no results....
This is an old scam in which the so called "psychic" tell everyone who has lost a lover the same thing " that some one has put a
love spell on them" She will tell others they have a "generational cures" on them.
These are very destructive people and you need to take care with them.

Question
Hello Joan,
I'm in need of some advice. You see, my ex boyfriend Boyd and I broke up after an almost 9 month relationship. During our relationship, we established that we are indeed the one for each other and would never be apart. Since the break up, we have been talking on and off and have hung out a few times. We still love each other very much. He claims to be going through a deep depression and recently he went from telling me he loves me and misses me and that he still believes I'm the love of his life, to telling me that he doesn't think he's the one for me. He has been quite difficult to understand but nonetheless I love him deeply. I would like to have another shot at a relationship with him when the time is right. Would that be possible? What are his true thoughts and feelings about us? Thank you so much for your help

Answer

He is bipolar and does not know what he feels from one day to the next. I realize that you have strong feelings for him, but he has a mental/chemical imbalance and is not mature enough to realize that this is something that a lover cannot fix for him. It is something he must address himself. This is why he flip/flops so much. I am going to suggest that you not be the one to pursue, but instead allow him to contact you when he feels he wants to spend time together. This way he will appreciate you so much more and he will have time to deal with his emotional/chemical issues.
Just remember that guys tend to pull away when they feel you are chasing them or trying to push them into more of a relationship.
He is going to appreciate you more if you appear to be independent and not emotionally dependent on him.

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