Men and Unplanned Pregnancy: Communicating about the Decision

The man involved will be affected by the decision, though it is the woman who accepts the greatest consequences. Some men accept that it is the woman’s choice while others find that very difficult. While difficult feelings and views are understandable in this circumstance, it is not okay to pressure her into a decision. Being open and honest about your feelings while still providing her reassurance and support to make her own decision is helpful. An unplanned pregnancy can create communication challenges, conflict or tension int he relationship that may not have been there before.

Women regularly report that they WANT to hear the honest opinion from their partner and do not want to make this choice alone. By you saying “it’s your choice” she may hear, “I don’t want this baby.” She is looking to you for support because she cannot confide in many people about this crisis situation.When women hear men say, “IT’s your choice and I will support you,” they perceive that the man wants her to abort, so please be careful that you do not say something you could regret.

What she really needs is your assurance that you will stand beside her in whatever way she needs. Inform her immediately that she doesn’t have to have an abortion to please you. Tell her you want to help her in making any choices that will impact both of your futures. Sometimes the reality of the pregnancy can change previously held views. You both may react differently than how you thought you’d react. This can be quite a shock or difficult to comprehend. You can never fully know how you will react in any situation until you have experienced it firsthand. This can cause additional conflict in the decision making process.