Tuesday, May 08, 2007

The phone rang one evening. The alarm monitoring service was calling to tell us that the alarms were triggered at the office and warehouse. This happens occasionally, and is usually a malfunction or a rat. Neither our home nor our business has ever been broken into yet. The police were already on their way to the office.

Since The Mighty Hunter had just had a drink and would be meeting the police, I drove the four of us. Stinkerbell, Lucky and I sat in the Pimped-Out Mamamobile while The Mighty Hunter and the cop walked the outside of the building, the open construction areas and the interior of the office and warehouse. Together, they found nothing that would have set off the alarm.

The cop mentioned that while he waited for us to arrive, he went ahead and walked inside the construction area. He was making sure no one was still around and only found "a bunch of cats."

When The Mighty Hunter returned to the van, he made his report to Stinkerbell and me, including telling about the cop running into the cats.

me: so, it was cats that set off the alarm. great.him: seems like it.Stinkerbell: cats? how many?him: don't know, several, 4 or 5 or 300. he didn't say how many exactly.Stinkerbell: what color were they?

Because when a herd of cats sets off the alarm at a local business, the responding police officer should know to count them and list the color of each and be prepared to make a report to the kindergartener on the scene.

Memos have been sent. Standard Operational Procedure has been properly modified.

And it wasn't cats. It was a squirrel building a nest behind insulation.

Stupid squirrel.

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A bird - the extent of my bird identification skills is limited to eagle, hawk, vulture, hummingbird, robin, cardinal, bluebird, bluejay, mockingbird and all the other birds - decided to perch its pecking little self on my window this morning.

Flitter Flutter Peckpeckpeck

Then one of its friends sat next to it and they fluttered and flittered and peckpeckpecked together.

"Hello! Stupid little birds. Yeah, you. No, I'm not charmed by your magical appearance this morning. I'm sleeping. I know you wake up when the sun just begins to peak over the horizon. But the humans inside that brown brick house with the window that you discovered this morning, they like to sleep later than you. Especially the morning-loathing mom. If you show up again tomorrow morning, I may sneak out the back door and practice with Stinkerbell's bb gun. Consider yourself warned!"

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I'm needing chocolate chip cookies and milk.

This is a serious NEED people.

Serious.

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The Mighty Hunter has gone on a business trip to Florida for the week. Which means that my normal mornings of getting him and Stinkerbell out of the house for the day and then letting Lucky suck the very LIFE out of me until I can drag my lazy butt out of bed are gone for the week. GONE!

I set my alarm for my normal time. I planned to simply yank on a pair of jeans and a tshirt to drive Stinkerbell to school. If I had not hit snooze and then slept through my hitting snooze a few more times, we would have had a leisurely morning.

But I hit snooze and then slept through my hitting snooze a few more times.

And then the Good Lord awoke me at 7am. And we have to leave NO LATER than 7:25.

But, LO! The mighty mommy made it and with TIME TO SPARE!

But only because we ate breakfast in the Pimped-Out Mamamobile. And only because I had baked several extra biscuits and nuked a couple and filled sippy cups with juice.

So, thank you, Jesus, for making sure I was awake just in time. And thank you for letting me NOT follow some old fart who was on his way to Hardee's for coffee with old pals. 'Cause it wouldn't be very Christian of me to ride his bumper and tell him telepathically that he needs to get his junked up old truck OFF THE ROAD until all of who have SOMEWHERE TO GO and A SPECIFIC TIME TO BE THERE are where we need to be. Yeah, thanks! I love you. Amen.