Last Night’s episode of The Ultimate Fighter treated us to two quarterfinal matches — as well as a total breakdown within Team U.S. and the mysterious disappearance of Michael Bisping. "Wiggity Wack" (the episode’s actual title, according to my DVR) began by showing us just how fractured the Americans were becoming. Jason Dent implores his team to be mature after their first loss in episode 4, and Cameron Dollar basically tells him to stuff it, then tells the team about the 70-80 girls he’s humped, including his friend’s wife. (Hope your friend knew about that before the show, player.) Meanwhile, Team U.S.’s Jason Pierce and Team U.K.’s David Faulkner bond in the hot tub over their shared nerdiness, with Pierce predicting they’ll be friends after the show.

With the fight selections now in the hands of the Brits, Bisping chooses Andre Winner to go against our very own Santino Defranco. Bisping thinks Santino can’t hang with Andre in the standup department. And Winner’s wrestling ain’t too bad either, as we see when he takes down Bisping during practice.

Santino tells us that he tried out for the second season of TUF in 2005 and made it to the interview stage, but he was forced to leave when it was discovered that he had two brain aneurysms. After brain surgery, he thought he wouldn’t fight again, but was eventually cleared by a doctor. And here he is, four years later. We get a taste of his positive approach to life; he strives for excellence at all times, and vows to "be like water" during the match. He thinks his experience and well-roundedness will give him the edge over Winner.

And it’s fight day for the two lightweights already…

Round 1: Defranco feels Winner out with a leg kick. He shoots, but is stuffed. They trade kicks, and Winner stuffs another one of Defranco’s takedown attempts. Winner sticks his jab but has trouble finding his punch range in general. Another leg kick from Defranco, who then shoots and falls to guard. Defranco seems to be working for a gogoplata from the bottom, and actually does get his foot under Winner’s chin, but Winner frees himself and starts landing heavy shots from the top. Defranco turtles like he did in his elimination fight, but Mazzagatti doesn’t give him the benefit of the doubt this time, and ‘Dre is awarded the TKO. Maybe the stoppage was a little premature, but Defranco had a long way to go before the bell.

So that’s 2-0 for the Brits, who are ecstatic. Dan Henderson moans that he can’t teach mental toughness.

The second-consecutive loss puts the Americans in "don’t fuck with me" mode. Cameron Dollar is really getting under Jason Dent’s skin; Dent threatens to pull a Junie Browning and smash his head with a glass. Dent complains about the Team U.S. infighting and bad attitudes, leading to this classic exchange…

JD: "It’s more enjoyable to hang out with the UK guys than it is half the fuckin’ Americans." CD: "Well go fuckin’ hang out with them." JD: "Why don’t you pull your stupid fuckin’ wiggidy wack hat right over your dumb face?"

Bravo, gents.

Hendo wants to see Demarques Johnson against Dean Amasinger, Frank Lester vs. James Wilks, and Jason Pierce vs. Dave Faulkner. "I don’t do well with the short, stocky guys…I’m not strong enough to manipulate their arms," Pierce says, trying to back out of a fight against his friend. Cameron tells us "I got no respect for that guy, the dude is a frickin’ joke."

Team USA nearly gets into a full-on Royal Rumble in the van after practice; Mark Miller sees red after Cameron Dollar gives him an unwelcome slap on the ass, while Dent and Demarques fight over who can be a whinier bitch. ("Turn to the camera and talk some more, showboater," Dent says. Man, I’m really starting to dislike that guy.) Hendo does his best to talk them all down from the ledge.

Meanwhile, the Brits are having the time of their life. Team U.S. watches bitterly from the balcony as Team U.K. screw around on the trampoline and play some footie. Martin Stapleton credits the lack of egos on his team for their strong team bond.

Demarques visualizes his victory. He shadowboxes in the Octagon, then prays to God that he fights to best of his ability. Dean gets his back shaved.

It’s fight day again, and Michael Bisping is AWOL. Dana White informs us that in nine seasons of TUF, there’s never been a situation where the coach didn’t show up for a fight. Dean is clearly upset, and says this wouldn’t happen if he was a Wolfslair guy.

Round 1: Amasinger starts with some leg kicks, and Johnson catches the second one, and gets on top when Amasinger slips to the mat. Amasinger gets up and scores his own takedown. Johnson immediately tries to set up a kimura, but loses it. Johnson transitions to a triangle attempt. Amasinger tries to slam out of it, but Johnson hangs on and taps the Brit, putting Team U.S. on the board for the first time.

Johnson feels pretty damn good. $5,000 richer, he can pay some child support and throw back a few beers that night. Amasinger, of course, is devastated, and feels that he let his team down. The Brits all try to console him, but the same thing is on everyone’s mind: Where the fuck was their coach? Would things have turned out differently if Bisping had been there, showing support and shouting instructions? He’d better have a good excuse for this one…

Cagepotato Comments

Showing 1-25 of comments

Bisping is a bitch, Amisinger is a bitch, the britts are bitches, and any american rooting for the britts are bitches.

Anonymous- May 5, 2009 at 7:56 pm

Bisping wasn't there BC he left his testicles at home.

DanHalen- May 5, 2009 at 11:32 am

Go UK! Bisping was trying to figure out how he can smash Henderson's Face in even more than it already is. :-)

bold- May 1, 2009 at 9:45 pm

* sorry mates had a big shit i had to get out *

Aussiejosh- May 1, 2009 at 4:39 am

I agree with "Anonymous" The Bisping stuff was just spike/UFC Bullshit! to add "Drama" Fucking tossers messing with things! GO UK!!!

Branman.- May 1, 2009 at 2:00 am

Bisping was fucking Dana's wife and is going to gloat about it on next week's episode.

Smeewa- April 30, 2009 at 11:23 pm

bisping was hand cuffed to a bed in some vegas motel room while some hookers were pawning his clothes for crack money.

Sorry CP- April 30, 2009 at 7:14 pm

the stoppage by maz in santino's fight was late if anything...defranco's showing was putrid...he shouldnt have been there to begin with

Anonymous- April 30, 2009 at 7:03 pm

Am I the only American rooting for the Brits?

Franko- April 30, 2009 at 5:21 pm

Bisping wasn't there because he doesn't care about black people...

Semen Demon- April 30, 2009 at 3:53 pm

LOL @ Truth2Pwr "guy you would most like to see get the Damian Maia vs Ed Herman taste my peepee while I choke you out and punch your face in treatment".

I believe that is the scientific name for MMA's most punishing position to be the victim of. Maybe Damian can make a Cameron Dollar, CB Dollaway leg choke pee pee taste sandwich.

1 GLOVE- April 30, 2009 at 1:08 pm

It is obvious that Bisping can't take what he dishes out. He didn't like the idea of the Americans gloating over the UK loss so he didn't even bother to show up. What a dick. I just competed in my first big BJJ tournament and having my coach there giving instructions was HUGE.

despite popular rumours, Bisping does not have the swine flu, the swine flu has Bisping.

Wandering Wade- April 30, 2009 at 10:05 am

Amasinger would have lost even if Bisping was there.

Blackleg- April 30, 2009 at 9:31 am

Pretty sure it showed them working with him (Dean) on triangle defense in the pre-fight training clips. Couldn't really tell but it kinda looked like that slam worked it in tighter. Tough break, seemed like a decent guy.

Truth2Pwr- April 30, 2009 at 9:30 am

I gotta say, Cameron Dollar is definitely making a solid run for "guy you would most like to see get the Damian Maia vs Ed Herman taste my peepee while I choke you out and punch your face in treatment".

He may not be June-ifer, but those smug-ass, "I boned my best friend's wife and I think it's something to brag about on TV" types are just so satisfying to watch getting a primal beatdown.

skidding- April 30, 2009 at 9:21 am

Damnit, I wanted Dean to beat that prick Demarques so bad. I know the technical skills were vast, but Dean was doing well in the fight with his natural strength.

I'm pissed off that Dean didn't train triangle defense like crazy because in his initial fight in the UK he was caught with the triangle choke 3 times! And after the match Bisping says, "We gotta teach you the defense to the triangle choke" as he's congratulated on his victory.

Mantooth- April 30, 2009 at 8:47 am

Bisbing has the Swine Flu.

Frank Mur- April 30, 2009 at 8:43 am

I heard bisping was on a Black Jack steak at the Horseshoe!

Jeffro- April 30, 2009 at 8:37 am

I heard that he was stabbed by a hooker, who then stole is wallet and his rental car keys.

Bryan Fry- April 30, 2009 at 8:23 am

That DeFranco fight kinda reminded me of my last fight.

Flesh Prince- April 30, 2009 at 8:19 am

Football.... my apologies

Flesh Prince- April 30, 2009 at 8:19 am

Bisping has a meeting with his soccer firm to attend to.

weatherman2012- April 30, 2009 at 8:02 am

santino sucks plain and simple.

k- April 30, 2009 at 7:37 am

I hope Defranco's first opponent was watching this. All the guy had to do was throw 8 or so strikes in a row when Mazagatti was telling Defranco to do something, and the other guy would've been in the house.

Anonymous 2- April 30, 2009 at 7:17 am

yah i agree with anonymous........ or either he got crunk the night b4... cuz what does he really have to do in VEgas..... he doesnt know anybody there or any other place to go...

small letters cal- April 30, 2009 at 7:16 am

Johnson is an arogant prick.

Craig- April 30, 2009 at 7:10 am

Hey Dubya, there's no I in "Trangle" but there are two in "idiot".

Anonymous- April 30, 2009 at 7:07 am

The Bisping stuff is clearly Spike/UFC bullshit add a bit of drama. As if he wouldn't call first/pick up his cell phone/tell his coaching staff (who are probably staying in the same hotel either side of him).

Machete For Hands- April 30, 2009 at 7:02 am

@Bas

you seriouse? well its possible i guess.

Brit Boy- April 30, 2009 at 7:00 am

If Dana can't get his stupid nonsence at the house from his fighters he'll set it up with his coaches...he's gonna play to the MTV reality crowd somehow

Dubya- April 30, 2009 at 6:56 am

Hilarious... but according to CP it's a "trangle choke". Works even better than your standard triangle choke.

Btir Boy- April 30, 2009 at 6:55 am

Bisping was buying Hendo a dime bag...he was a little short this week

Bas- April 30, 2009 at 6:53 am

Bisping was a no show because Dana White's ego blocked the front door to the UFC gym. Shame really, Dean could have used someone shouting TRIANGLE!!!