As usual we go deeper, uncovering more of the news than our wafer-thin mint rivals and bringing you the whole story - not just a one-line soundbite.

Yes, dear readers, sources close to the big man of poker have confided in us that Doyle firmly believes all poker shows should be in black and white... branding the technicolor of today's shows far to bright and garish for comfortable, slipper-wearing viewing. With participants in these shows often not looking directly at the camera and never addressing the audience in formal tones - it is apparently rather hard to follow the plot.

In fact the poker legend whose recent recognition for sporting achievements 50 years ago was absolutely nothing to do with his big piles of money or celebrity status allegedly suggested that poker TV could be vastly improved by doing away with the sound too. Suggesting instead that a cheeky chappy in baggy pants and a jacket with white gloves and a cane would be perfect for leading the audience through the different stages of poker tournaments - and that placards with decorated edges could be displayed to explain the nuances of the action between hands, possibly with a rag-time piano tune playing in the background.

Doyle did not stop there in his angry and sensational tirade against the recently graduated wanna-be producers who are creating such poker TRASH on previously sensible family-friendly networks. A good old-fashioned trip to the cinema, or even better, a Magic Lantern poker sequence has been called for - to delight and amaze the audience with flickering approximations of movement.

At this point we understand Doyle started to call for Buffalo Bills Wild West Show to be restarted, with the suits and rank of cards painted on the side of horses... we will have to bring you the details another time dear readers... the next episode of The Million Dollar Poker Show is about to start...

MF

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