The Illing - The next hip-hop big thing's career is found murdered. But who dropped Frank Ocean from his label on the cusp of fame? Only John Jensen, Whigfield and Soreen from Aqua can find out!

Wall An 'Er - The egg-scelent adventures of a children's entertainer/Humpty Dumpty impersonator who investigates the brutal murders of women who every time happen to be someone he's romantically linked with. With tragic consequences.

The Ridge - The Leicestershire/Northamptonshire border is thrown into crisp-based horror after the discovery of a half-Gary Lineker, half-Mr Pringle Corpse. With tragic consequences.

Bogen - A Pauline Hanson-esque far-right type somehow becomes Australian PM and the country is thrown into CHAOS! With tragic consequences for non-whites who don't own at least three albums by Jet.

Do you have what it takes to join the next series of pee show? Are you the bloke who can piss the furthest out of your mates? Do you like piss based activities? The new take on Saturday night TV. 'Takeshi's castle' meets 'Eurotrash'.

Reality show where Catholic Briton's reveal how they spend their time in the lead up to Easter. Share their shrove Tuesday pancakes, be enchanted by the mysticism as a wizened old priest daubs their foreheads with ash, and enjoy the suspense as we see if they can go 40 days without ciggies, booze or sweets.

Underwhelming ex-England cricketer Graeme Hick undertakes a Machiavellian rise to the top and attempts to become the first man with a Test batting average of over 30 to become Prime Minister. Contains scenes of batting peril and mild disappointment.