Choosing me means that we are choosing that which endorses our own Best Self to flourish. Choosing you means that we are encouraging your Best Self to come forth.

Choosing Me

I am choosing me when I stand up for myself, speak up for myself, and make myself heard. I am choosing me when I embrace what brings me joy. I am choosing me when I hang around positive, and light-hearted people. I am choosing me when I engage in activities that are uplifting. I am choosing me when I disengage from drama and negativity, and avoid bullies and controllers. However, sometimes there is a fine line between choosing me for our higher good and overindulging our self.

We often think we are choosing me when we get our way or indulge our self. Sometimes this is true, but sometimes it is not. Aggressively pushing our way through life is not really choosing me, as it is not allowing life to flow through us. And it often brings with it consequences.

Choosing to regularly indulge in over eating, over drinking, etc. may feel like we are choosing me, but we are not. Staying up or out too late on a regular basis, or hanging around with “fun” friends but who steer us in wrong directions is not choosing me. These are all quick fixes to help us feel good now, but they do not help us become our Best Self.

Being empowered to ask for or go after what we want in life is part of becoming our Best Self. It is supporting our True Self. Indulging our self to embrace our passions, to celebrate life events or an achievement, or when we have suffered a loss, is also part of becoming or maintaining our Best Self.

However, we must ask for or go after what we want with integrity and not step on others, otherwise we are acting from neediness, being greedy and self-serving, and/or feeding impulses that come from unconscious influences. Acting in these ways does not come from our higher or True Self – they are disempowering attitudes that come from a disconnect with it and a lack of faith in our real worth.

They do not ultimately bring about us becoming the best we can be and aligning with our life purpose, which is where we will find contentment and feel our true worth. This is because one way or another – whether now, soon, or even in the distant future, actions based on greed, aggression or neediness backfire on us.

We are choosing me when we embrace our passions, as we are answering the call of our soul. This is where we will find peace within our self and joy in living. Celebrating life events and our achievements is life-affirming. This encourages us in life.

When we have suffered a major loss in life we have to take the time to mother our self. Loss affects us on many levels. It can zap our joy and our zest for life. It can affect our self-confidence and our faith in the future. Indulging our self until we feel a spark for life return and start to feel empowered again is choosing me.

While going for what we want, embracing our passions, or celebrating life events and our achievements are life-affirming, we must be careful that in our enthusiasm we not to step on others or overindulge our self to the point of narcissism.

When taking time for our self after a loss we must be wary of not getting stuck in the over-indulging mode, as this could be a way of avoiding dealing with our new circumstances. And whenever we are indulging our self we must ensure we are not acting from neediness, feeding the “poor me” and/or playing the victim. All these forms of over-indulgences are disempowering. They are not moving us towards wholeness.

Choosing You (the Other)

I am choosing you when I allow you to speak your mind, without trying to sway you to my ideas or way of thinking. I am choosing you when I take the time to listen to you, without interrupting. I am choosing you when I support you in your endeavors, without throwing negativity your way. I am choosing you when I encourage you to follow your dreams, without my fear of being left out overshadowing you attaining them.

Really listening and allowing you to express yourself or speak your mind is choosing you. However, if we are in a social situation and someone is being arrogant, aggressive, or contrary, rather than engage with them it is better to extricate our self from the conversation. They are working from unconscious influences and will not likely change their tone. They will deal with what is driving them to negative disempowering attitudes when they are ready.

Engaging with those close to us, especially our spouse or other family members, offers special challenges. When our lives are intertwined with another it is almost second nature to self-reference what they say and what they do. Without realizing it, we often react from concerns such as “How will this affect me?” “How will this affect us”? “Why are you doing this to me”?

We can’t really avoid engaging with family members, so our best option is to try and understand them, where they are coming from, and it things turn nasty calmly tell the person and disengage.

Whatever our relationship, we must trust that the other is simply stating how he or she is feeling or thinking at the moment, or doing what they need to do to be happy, feel fulfilled, or become empowered in their life.

If the other is simply expressing themself, they need to communicate how they feel for their self-preservation. If they are voicing an opinion or idea, they need to be given the space to express it – without interruption or any negative reaction. And since much of the time people cannot articulate perfectly what they are trying to say, we must be patient with them. We must allow the other to fully express themselves – whatever the subject matter.

If they are discussing the possibility of a new endeavor, they may only need a sounding board to help them figure it out. Some people’s way of working out ideas that are not completely formulated is to voice the scattered thoughts. This helps them work out the details, and so we must be patient with them when they are attempting to articulate their ideas.

Other people throw all kinds of ideas around. Some may seem impractical, unrealistic, or even detrimental to the relationship. Again, we must be careful not to self-reference and become fearful or angry, as this is just their way to work through all the possibilities. They will likely throw out those that may cause difficulty to the relationship. If not, that can be addressed later when the details are clearer.

When someone close to us embarks on a new endeavor or picks up a new hobby that is important to their peace, happiness, or professional life, it is important to encourage them. Just as we must follow our dreams and passions and choose me, we have to allow those close to us to follow what is calling to them and be supportive. We must not allow our fears or any jealousy to mar their moving forward. We must come from the place of choosing you.

At the same time when it seems that a choice someone close to us is making will affect the relationship, it is important to express our concerns, but in a way that uplifts the relationship rather than degrades the other.

Let’s say our spouse takes on extra responsibilities at work that will be helpful financially and to his or her career, but will take time away from the family. We can say something like, “I’m so proud of you for getting that promotion, but we will have to make an effort to carve out extra family time.”

If our young adult child moves across the country for school or work, we can say something like, “I’m so proud and pleased you got into the school (or got the job), but I will miss you, so we will have to visit each other often.” In both cases, we have voiced our concerns, and offered a solution, while at the same time being supportive of the other’s new endeavor. We have promoted choosing me and choosing you.

This article is based on and an expansion of concepts in my book, Your Journey to Peace, Bridging the Gap Between Religion, Spirituality, Psychology, and Science. (See “Book Synopsis” at top of page).

You can access more articles on various subjects related to our personal, collective, and cosmic journeys through “View Archives” on the “Home Page.”

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Below is a peek at more inside the book:

Improving our attitudes helps change the world, as every shift in attitude affects the vibration of the Planet as a whole. (Introduction).

Somewhere deep within the crevices of our mind lies the cellular memories of the original feelings of living within a harmony-ruled paradigm and so, it remains a longing deep within us. (Chapter 1)

Most humans are deeply conflicted because we are born into a society that extols the virtues of love, caring, and honesty, but is biased in carrying out the representations of these virtues. This creates a pull and push within us. (Chapter 1, Why We Are the Way We Are)

Powerful shifts will occur in us when we acknowledge the truth of who we are, while at the same time reconcile the truth of who we are being. (Chapter 2, Universal Laws / Kingdom Principles)

Our capacity to love others is in direct relationship to how much we love ourselves. (Chapter 3, What We Can Do About It)