i come from the antithesis, a preemptive
proleptic, paranoid insinuation that i might become what i am now
suppressed so brutally that i embraced it out of pity
out of horror that the world could be so cruel

What darkness almost overwhelms you and what keeps it at bay?

dying, always that, in one fashion or another, dying
at the fringes of either light or dark, that fraying
of the fabric, the undoing of every cloth, every text

When do you feel most alive?

concentrating concentrating the hands engaged in
their own activity
sewing or even fantasizing about sewing
typing or even fantasizing about playing the guitar

What dream do you remember most vividly and what message does it
bear?

the message of the dream is always the same:
you can't step into the same river twice
the building changes when you turn a corner
the room you return to is not the same one you left from
i left my computer my keys my backpack my jewels my most important
thing
in that room but i can't find the room now much less the thing

Why don’t you listen to what the universe or your mind or your body
or your god whispers ever more closely to you?

because god is only the other like any text
god speaks i speak you speak it is only another pronoun
god am god
the insistence of the signifying chain

What does art do, really, what's the value of art?

it does no more and has no more value than a single
pea to a starving mother

If you could, what gift that is impossible for you to give would you
offer and to whom? Why this gift, this person?

i would give everyone a magic mirror
then everyone would know
everyone
but wait
everyone already knows

Describe a person you love. How would you know them without their
face?

it isn't her face but her voice her laugh
her puns her paranoid accusations
the terrible vibration of her rage

How did you know you were in love and what makes you unsure of it?

you are in love when you don't think you are
when you think you are in love you are really in hate
hate seething through your pores and mixing with the other's
hate
love is being aligned in your hate
we sat naked in the hotel window, 11 stories up
shooting at pedestrians

What besides love do you doubt and what makes you doubt it?

there is nothing
to doubt

In what way have you betrayed or disappointed yourself or others? In
what way have you been betrayed or disappointed?

i came into the world
i was born

What are the parameters of your small world?

a tingling as if a limb were just waking up
that is the edge of it
where words break down
lose their hold

Why aren’t you more involved in trying to better the world of
others?

it's a safe question because no one thinks they are involved in
bettering the world
and everyone feels guilty about it
this too is ideology
what we want most: a moral code
to violate