Incredibly dark and incredibly engrossing. I think you should seriously consider tweaking the Seven Days story a little bit and releasing it as an original piece; this particular chapter had almost zero to do with the greater Halo canon. Not to say, of course, that it wasn't good, but rather that you could actually make money off of it.

If you wanted. Personally, I won't object to being able to read such high quality writing for free, but for this stuff I certainly wouldn't mind paying for it._________________Superstite es non sole;
Salute es dignus.Current Project: Ha ha ha!

Incredibly dark and incredibly engrossing. I think you should seriously consider tweaking the Seven Days story a little bit and releasing it as an original piece; this particular chapter had almost zero to do with the greater Halo canon. Not to say, of course, that it wasn't good, but rather that you could actually make money off of it.

If you wanted. Personally, I won't object to being able to read such high quality writing for free, but for this stuff I certainly wouldn't mind paying for it.

Thank you for your very kind words, Raspberry. I doubt I'll ever make money off this, but it's a interesting idea. I decided two years ago to stop pursuing a English degree--judging by my awful grammorz skills, a good idea--but who knows?

Your narrative calls into question what a narrative ought to be. You really have to pay attention to keep up - which I loved. I remember, back when I read this entire series all in a single sitting that it had ended on a strange note. Until part six, the story had been an offbeat investigation into mysterious happenings, and then all of a sudden we're introduced to Kassad, only to be told that he died. Now we get Kassad's POV... all very strange, but so very captivating. The disconnect of the narrative, the result of, I assume, our unreliable narrator, was very well done.

First mention must go to your style, which is quirky, vivid, and dark all at once. This is particularly noticeable in the narrative, which paints Kassad as being rather unhinged. You never tell us he's unhinged, but imply it through his philosophic ramblings and his apparent unfamiliarity with human emotion. Of course, his actions go a long way towards this as well. It was a fascinating and oblique way to go about characterizing this man, and it was very effective.

A lot of details in here that made the world come alive, too. My favorite:

Quote:

Some space-cults venerated the Stranger. He was, they said, the avatar of the void, the spiritual representation of the unimaginable distance separating the children of Adam and Eve—the god, they said, of the dark and the unknown.

I really like this idea in and of itself... the idea that advances in science might actually cultivate a new faith, albeit in an entirely different form. Very cool. Even cooler, though, was the way you twisted this rather beautiful sentiment later on:

Quote:

The Stranger—quite an unwelcome guest, if he indeed was here; obviously, being just another product of religious fantasy, he didn't exist, but the concept of just a stranger appealed to him. It clicked together: the ruins, and now, people dying in mysterious ways, bodies left in pieces, all of them severed with surgical precision.

Nice.

My only complaint would be a few clunky passages that littered this chapter. Your unusual style plays with syntax and conventional wording, usually successfully - but you have to make sure it doesn't come out butchered:

Quote:

Her tight shirt meant what was underneath were doing interesting things involving physics.

Quote:

The religiously inclined were inclined to believe in religious explanations, and those believing in extraterrestrial origins were inclined to believe in that.

But anyway, a very fine piece. I love the tricks you play with your narrative - it wasn't an overly long chapter, but I took some time getting through it. There are many layers here - it was very rewarding peeling them back.

My only complaint would be a few clunky passages that littered this chapter. Your unusual style plays with syntax and conventional wording, usually successfully - but you have to make sure it doesn't come out butchered:

Huh, I thought those read fine. Did I mess up, grammar-wise or something?

The second one used "inclined" three times in one sentence, once nearly back to back.

I know this might sound like I'm bullshitting you, but the repetition was there for a purpose. The 'inclined' was used three times in a row because I wanted to stress what I thought of as the absurdities associated with religious thinking, in that these people were naturally disposed to such thoughts, and could entertain no other prospects. The repetition was there to emphasis the point, as in poetry:

The cold sweat melted from their limbs,
nor rot nor reek did they;
The look with which they looked on me
Had never passed away

-Rime of the Ancient Mariner

Uh, that's starting to confuse me, and I wrote the damn thing. Thanks for pointing it out, Arthur. I knew what I intended when I wrote it, but in retrospect, accessibility must be a integral part of fiction, and when it isn't obvious at all, that was a failure on the part of the writer.

I just realized that I didn't comment on this, but it seems that all the good points have been taken. This is why you always raise your hand first...

Anyway, I'd just like to especially point out that I really like the bit of poetry at the beginning. I think you have a real talent there in addition to your prose, which is pretty rare. And the way you can craft such a vivid world with vivid characters continues to amaze me._________________