Why Valentine’s Day is All About SELF Love for Me

I’m often come across talk of “soulmates,” about how there is that one someone special out there for everyone. Every shoe has it’s perfect match, apparently. I could probably just be content with someone whose company I enjoy, though obviously I do wish for more. I want the fairytale, if such things even exist, but I’m not holding my breath. Nothing and no one is perfect, so I’m not holding out for that. I get really disheartened at times when I see what’s out there though. I have dropped my standards when it comes to what I expect out of a man, but I refuse to let go of them completely. I shouldn’t have to.

About a week ago I was excited when a fairly okay looking doctor (but who I suspect is balding since his pictures seemed somewhat strategically cropped) reached out to me. Let’s start off with a little snippet from his dating profile…

Sounds good right? Perfect for me.

We exchanged numbers and texted a bit. He didn’t seem anything like the guy in the profile. Actually, the man was pure and unadulterated asshole. Here excerpt from our conversation…

Well, to make a long story short, we did not meet. I was completely put off.

So, as far as soul mates are concerned,I accept the responsibility of being my own. The way things are going down, that’s the only choice I really have. And I got to tell ya, I’m getting kind of awesome with the way I treat me. I think I’d make a fab boyfriend! I didn’t want me to feel sad on Valentine’s Day so I did all sorts of lovely things for myself. I am loving myself in the way that I would like someone to love me. I guess that’s the next best thing. Admittedly, it’s a far cry from having a romantic partner, but I’m not going to lower myself to the degree where I’m going to waste my time with a butt wipe, whom I imagine is probably a racist and a Trump supporter (yeah, I totally made that up in my head, but I believe it wholeheartedly). The spirits of my female ancestors did not manifest in my soul so that I could be the foot stool for some fuckwit’s feet. This much I know. Therefore, if I can’t get kindness and respect from a man, I shall give it to myself. In the process, I have decided that I may just ridicule the douche bags that cross my path on my blog… because, hey, it’s kinda fun. And if I wasn’t able to laugh about it, I’d probably cry. Those of you who know me, know that I do that too. A bit less often these days, but it still happens.

So how did I treat myself on Valentine’s Day? I bought myself a lovely Marc Jacobs tote. It is perfect for work. I plan to use it as my everyday bag. It has this gorgeous bright red interior that makes me feel happy every time I open it. And guess what? I didn’t even buy it on sale. I just treated myself to exactly what I wanted when I wanted it. It was a bit pricey, but whateva. I also ate some delicious buttery shortbread. One by one, I polished off the whole box. For dinner I made myself one of my favorites: wings. I make mine in the oven. It’s an easy recipe: 1 part honey to 1 part harissa (Moroccan spice paste) which I brush on to the chicken once it is cooked and crispy, then back in the oven another five minutes. The trick to getting them crispy is to pat them as dry as possible when raw, salt them, and then cook them on a high temperature on a rack that allows the fat to render. No oil. Nothing is as good as fried, but this is a very satisfying alternative. Try it, tell me what you think.

I do acknowledge that there are good men out there. I have met a few. I know they actually exist, but I haven’t met the one who is right for me. Until then, I am in my own care. I want to do right by me. Partner or not, I hope you will do the same. Nobody will ever know how you need to be teated better than you. Be careful of what you tolerate because you are showing people what you will accept. Show them how it’s done dollies!

Lots of love and kisses to all my readers on Valentine’s Day. I love you.

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24 Comments

R-E-S-P-E-C-T! Glad to know you are are treating yourself, and treating yourself well. I have ancestress whose voices ring in my head too, if I too get whiny. But today, it’s champagne and chocolate! Will live to fight the carbs another day!💖❤️

Love it! I just ate Vogels toast with my enormous and delicious homegrown tomatoes thickly sliced and drizzled with sea salt, cracked pepper and balsamic glaze after a VERY long day! Felt like a real treat

This is code for:
I and my circle of fabulous, vapid “friends” are functioning alcoholics and not nearly so charming if you’re dead sober all the time. Also, to say we practice a rather loose style of sexuality is putting it mildly and I don’t think you’ll want to “play” with us. I don’t trust that we’ll be able to have a “good time” with you.

You know damn well that their crowd is everything you hate about the food industry… repping bad food REALLY WELL and making it common so that when the rest of us go to see what all the fuss is about, we find a splashy interior and CRAP food. Low on salt, fat, and flavor, and HIGH on being pretty. Their food is ONLY “trendy,” not good. And that trains other fake-foodies to keep them and other crap-food establishments in business… *encourages* new, also-crappy ones to open, even.

Give me an ugly kitchen with a proud bitch of cook with a good jerk rub on the meat and an amazing salad ANY DAY.

Trendy-restaurant eaters have poor taste. You know this.

I propose you start going out alone and bringing a good book with you. Enjoy and savor and relax… even thought we’re in the States, don’t let anyone rush you. Say you’ll be there a while and can you be put somewhere out of the way? “You don’t need to check on me all the time… I’m having a luxurious date with myself.” Be ALL YOU and you’ll attract more of those who want more similar things. ❤

I have no problem with eating on nice restaurants alone. I’ve been doing it for a few years. I think women eating alone is a feminist issue. Why should women have to feel odd about eating by themselves? I don’t. We are totally allowed to take up space. I’m there for the food. No book necessary! 😜

And good for you, Caroline, for loving yourself. I got a haircut & dye in the morning on VDay and then a 90 minute massage in the late afternoon. And pizza for dinner, so I didn’t have to cook, although I made a fabulous salad with arugula and other lovely greens – b/c I LOVE greens! 😉

It’s lovely to have a mate, but the relationship you are creating with yourself is one you can count on 100%.

Yeah he was a strange one. Back into the sea with that fish lol.
I’m so happy you are making yourself a priority. I feel this is so crucial for women, married or not. You are so right, a good partner might be there for us if we are lucky, but even the best of the best can’t be there 100% of the time, so it’s important that we take the responsibility of self care in our own hands.
♥️♥️♥️

Ah it’s beautiful here, time to come visit me obviously!!!
Saturday I’m going to watch a movie, just something silly for a good laugh, and I plan on treating myself to my favorite chicken wings — no matter how good I make them, I still don’t come close (and they aren’t as good as Pok Pok, but I do adore them).
Get out of that cold and visit me. I miss you.
♥️♥️♥️