This is a blog of news and essays aimed toward gay Mormons who wish to hold the Priesthood of God honorably (Men) or to remain active members of the LDS Church (Men or Women), their family and friends, or anyone who has questions about what it is to be a faithful Mormon, or a Mormon questioning... and gay.

Wednesday, November 30, 2016

Be forewarned that it's not the Big Gay Ex-Mormon book. It's for those who are gay and Mormon; Full-fledged and true blue. I am going to post each chapter on this blog starting with the intro. I am happy for comments either at the end of each post or sent to my Gmail account calvinthompson.cal@gmail.com.

Here goes...

They That Be With Us

Acknowledging the connection between Gay and Mormon

By Calvin Thompson and Julie Martin

By way of introduction

No
righteous person will be denied any blessings which come from God. We have no
control over the heartbeats or the affections of men [or women], but pray that
you may find fulfillment. And in the meantime, we promise you that insofar as
eternity is concerned, no soul will be deprived of rich and high and eternal
blessings for anything which that person could not help, that the Lord never
fails in his promises, and that every righteous person will receive eventually
all to which the person is entitled and which he or she has not forfeited
through any fault of his or her own. - Spencer
W. Kimball

Calvin: First on the list of
qualifications to write this book, were I hiring someone, is that the author
would have to be a Mormon -- a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of
Latter-day Saints. He couldn’t be someone who doubted, who was half in or half
out, who was fine with doctrine as it currently stands, but could see the day
when “things from Salt Lake get a little out of control”.

A returned missionary would
be nice -- one who knows his way around a road-show, a stake conference, and
who has been battered around in church ball. Being born in the church would be
a plus, or the budding author could make up for it by being a quick study.

He must believe in the
divinity of Jesus Christ and in the restoration of the gospel. He should have
gone to BYU on a musical theater scholarship as well. Knowing the cultural
vernacular would be crucial to help him connect with his readers, and a love
for the priesthood is not optional. He should be able to keep his sense of
humor in check and his tongue occasionally in cheek.

And he would need to be gay.

I have waited years for someone
to write that book -- one that sheds light on my situation. Surely, I thought,
someone owning a pen or a printer has shared my same state of affairs and could
put in writing their wisdom so I wouldn’t have to reinvent the proverbial
wheel.

I would have worn a clever
disguise into the bookstore and purchased that book. Then I would have ripped
off its cover and duct taped it into my Especially for Mormons anthology and
hidden it behind the oak paneling in my room. I would not have taken the chance
that anyone could have seen me carry such a book around or found it in my
possession and pegged me an issue man. I would have been mortified.

Issue man -- that’s what I call
those like me. I gave the status that label so that I wouldn’t have to say the
word “gay” even in my head. We issue men
were rarely spoken of as I was growing up and when we were we were considered a
fringe element. When I did hear the word
“gay” it was associated with “perverted”, “distorted”, or “defective”. And the word “excommunication” was never far
behind.

So I became silent on the
issue of issue men. I bottled up whatever it was that I was, and sat in on a
low shelf -- not the high one where my dreams were all laid out -- my dreams of
a mission call, a wife and family, and a “happily ever after”.

When it blew up there was no
time for setting issues on shelves or hiding them in closets. There were no
shelves or closets left. Slowly I had to
deal with facts. As I slowly came out it
was just as shocking for my “issue” friends to discover that I had a testimony
of the gospel as it was for my church friends to discover that I had this issue.
The big gay issue.

While I waited for someone
to write the book I quite unintentionally became a subject-matter expert. I became the poster child for gay married
Mormons. If I were a bit nicer looking I might have considered putting my face
on the book cover. But that is not necessary.
You have someone in your life already who could be on the cover. Picture
them.

Today I hold a temple
recommend and I try to be worthy every day to actively use the Lord’s
priesthood. I want the blessings my Father in Heaven intended for me and every
other man and woman to have. When I read the scriptures or listen to conference
and hear the promises made to those who follow the commandments, I count myself
in. I am the kind of person that hopes
that the prodigal son can return.

So I will write of the
atonement or at least my personal knowledge of it; I could jump on that
trampoline all day. And, I will write of
a few of the challenges I have faced as a gay Mormon man using the words I
have.

The pitfalls in putting this
to paper are many. I am a little
nervous.

Introducing
Julie Martin

If you met me at Church I
probably wouldn’t stand out as any one unusual. Like most of you I struggle
with my weight, worry about my children, love and support my husband and try to
get my visiting teaching done before the last week of the month. I don’t always
get two prayers in a day, but I try really hard to at least open my scriptures
before I start cleaning up the breakfast dishes. And, I have a son who is
homosexual.

For years before Sean
officially came out, there were lots of signs that should have alerted his
father and I to the fact that something was up, but we didn’t want to see them
or even think of it as a possibility. And when at last we were confronted with
the undeniable truth, my world fell apart, crashing around me like a thousand
piece jigsaw puzzle that had suddenly been turned on its side.

I love my son with all my
heart, and yet I did everything in my power to rescue him from this homosexual
thing. I argued with him, bribed him, threatened, teased, mocked and harassed.
I justified these behaviors because I felt I was trying to save his life and
protect our eternal relationship as a forever family. In the process I nearly
destroyed my relationship with him. Eventually I had to accept the fact that
there was nothing I could do to change Sean or make it all better.

I carry this secret inside
of my heart, and I mourn the loss of my dreams and desires for him. I try hard
to understand the choices he is making in his life, and have learned great
lessons in patience and hope. But mostly, I just love my son, and I hope that
however this story plays out tomorrow and for the eternities, this will be
enough.

There are a lot of mothers
and fathers just like me - I am finding out - trying to faithfully raise their
families in righteousness while struggling with a child who’s dealing with
feelings that I don’t understand. Parents
who have children who are homosexual, can feel particularly isolated. There’s a
perceived dark shadow associated that is difficult to see through, and a sense
of secrecy that forces us to keep our child’s problems safe from the judgment
and censure of those around us.

“Sure Sean, you can bring one of your friends
to the ward pool party, but please choose one who looks more… well, one who
doesn’t wear a tight tank top… okay, and wear your boring shoes. Oh, my.”

My objective in writing this
book is to share the things I’ve learned over this journey, and outline a few
things I still don’t get. Perhaps I can save other parents some of the needless
heartache I’ve suffered through, and maybe share comfort with those who are
hurting.

And
now, together

According to the information
we have been privy to, and based on our own personal experience, there seems to
be many more in the LDS Church who are dealing with homosexuality in some
respect than had been previously realized.

In 2010, LDS Family Services
estimated that there are four or five members in every ward of the Church
dealing with what they called “…same-sex attraction problems”. Usually half of
those individuals are married (most are temple marriages) and have
children. From experience, Julie and I
feel that these are conservative estimates.
Individuals dealing with same gender attraction in the LDS church when
interviewed tend to be less vocal than their counterparts outside of the
church. And these numbers do not deal with those affected by someone
SGAttracted, such as a friend or relative.

Calvin: This is a good time
to make it plain that both Julie and I write under pseudonyms. Personally, I am
happy to be both “out” and “in”; “out” as a Mormon man who is same gender
attracted, and “in” the Mormon Church with all my heart. However, we both have
families who aren’t all that comfortable putting their lives on display for
public examination where they would be susceptible to the whims and whines of
the world. Our family’s safety, comfort,
and well-being is worth more to us than any credit/blame or personal
recognition positive or negative.

Our families come first.

We don’t know why
some individuals have a propensity toward same gender attraction -- read; are gay. We do know
that like any other challenge, Heavenly Father is willing to support
and help His children as they seek to overcome or work through anything in
life considered an obstacle. We make a point of this because there are those who consider homosexuality an
obstacle in some way and it is to them that we write.

Regardless of your current
vantage, we hope that your outlook will widen and your understanding will be
increased – that you will discover something you didn’t know before reading
this book, and that something will be good. There may be no amazing or
startling new concepts, quick fixes or cures contained in these pages. But we
can promise a lot of ideas, ways to cope and an interesting relevant story or
two.

Tuesday, November 1, 2016

KSL claims that someone they call “a white
supremacist” is financing auto-calls being made to Utah voters that are meant
to call attention to independent presidential candidate Evan McMullin's alleged
sexual preference.

As per KSL, "Evan McMullin is a 40-year-old Mormon who has a chance to become the first third-party candidate to win electoral votes since 1968 — and the state that may give him those votes is Utah".

In this auto call, which seems to be a “support the
Donald” call, William Johnson states, "Evan is over 40 years old and is
not married and doesn’t even have a girlfriend. I believe Evan is a closet
homosexual."

This guy Billy Johnson is a BYU graduate, (Something I am loathe to print. Not all
BYU graduates are this idiotic) who was
named by Trump’s campaign as delegate to the recent Republican National
Convention.

Oh, wait. There is more. This Johnson also says in these calls that candidate McMullin has "two mommies. His mother is a lesbian, married to another woman. Evan is OK with that. Indeed, Evan supports the Supreme Court ruling legalizing gay marriage."

By way of fact, Evan McMullin's parents were divorced. After the divorce his mother married a woman.

In defending his statement
Johnson stated, "I said that I think he is a closet homosexual. Calling
someone a homosexual is no longer defamation. Also, he is a public figure. Word
on the street is that he is gay."

Of course the McMullin’s campaign has been
all over the allegation, denying that there is a gay bone in the dude’s body.

"He has been on the record multiple
times saying one of his greatest aspirations is to be a husband and a father.
He wishes it would have happened earlier, however he spent more than 10 years
in his 20's and 30's serving his country overseas in the CIA. He sacrificed his
social life in order to protect the United States, and he expects to start a
family of his own one day, "according to the statement.

Johnson, the guy who is making the accusation,
is a “California lawyer who has been active in U.S. white nationalist circles
for more than three decades” says KSL. “He has unsuccessfully run for public
office as a member of various political parties and as an independent. When Trump campaign officials blamed his
inclusion as a national GOP delegate on a "database error." Johnson
resigned as a delegate.”

“According to Johnson, the calls will go
out to at least 193,000 residential landlines in Utah between Monday evening
and Wednesday evening. He said it cost him around $2,000", said KSL quoting The Daily Beast.

Frankly, I am disgusted by the accusation toward McMillion and his mother as well as those humans who would be swayed by someones sexual preference as an indicator of his professional abilities.

On Twitter, McMillion stated "This attack is consistent with @realDonaldTrump's bigoted, deceitful campaign and vision for America. Utahns won't be fooled,” he tweeted.

Again, From KSL: "Donald
Trump has mainstreamed and normalized white nationalists, xenophobes, and
bigots of all descriptions," McMullin campaign strategist Joel Searby said
in a statement. "Today isn't an outlier or an exception; it's a vision of
Donald Trump's"

A Reasonable Facsimile

This is not a gay blog!

OK, yes it is. But it is also a Mormon blog and a blog for priesthood men who honor their priesthood and wish to keep the LDS church an active part of their lives. I am all three... four. Five?

I am an active MarMoHo, a married Mormon homosexual. I have a temple recommend that I received honestly. I supportthe LDS church and the words of a living prophet. I support people who are gay. It can be done.

Apology for the ad below

Please forgive me if there is an ad in the space below is inappropriate. I am trying to figure out how to block the ads I don't wish to display. They pay for the ice in my Diet Coke

Cal Thompson

Followers

Gay Mormon men who cherish the priesthood and would like to honor their commitments!

Please be aware of sites on the blog-o-sphere that claim to be sympathetic to the teachings of the prophets. Some very well may be. Others are simple journal entries annotating the experiences of an individual with various degrees of success and or promiscuity. Not all can be as wonderful as mine. I hate to sound like the church lady, but chose your blogs and your friends wisely.

And eat your vegetables.

And Fruits!

About Me

I write under the name of Calvin Thompson. I am a creative, accountable, and loving man. I am a Mormon who is also gay. I am married and have 3 children. My bishop is in-the-know, and so is my wife and several of my close family members. I consider myself to be a closet conservative, which is not as strange or as un-popular as you might think, and will be increasingly popular as a growing number of the left improves it's proverbial and literal aim.
I believe that LDS people are Democrats in action - as in they try to take care of people, but Republicans in name - they want to do it themselves without regulation.
I believe that the messier the fridge, the happier the family, but I still have a hard time not straightening it because I'm a control freak. My wife knows I blog, and that I am writing a book – I try to keep things as above board as I can without setting myself up for public ridicule.

"Chastity is sexual purity. Those who are chaste are morally clean in their thoughts, words, and actions. Chasitity means not having any sexual relations before marriage. It also means complete fidelity to husband or wife during marriage."

I order to better understand one another, I think it would be wise to understand the terms used in these essays. What I propose is an Examination for Discovery, which is briefly a meeting of the opposing sides in a lawsuit where the plaintiff and defendant, with their attorneys, meet to examine each others claims and see whether they can find some area of agreement and thus save the time of the court later on. This is assuming that there is common ground, and I believe that even the most cynical of us would agree that there is.

It will be hard to understand one another if you think blue is periwinkle and I think blue is turquoise. I know that the differences may not be a big deal - between periwinkle and turquoise - but I think its best to be incredibly clear. We both may disagree on what blue is, but, for purposes of communication, we will use the terms as listed here - adding when needed.

Of coarse they may be subject to change and/or refinement with experience and further knowledge – and with feedback. Being that this is a blog and not a diatribe, I get to lead I suppose.

List of Common Terms On Which We May Agreeor Agree To Agree On For Sake of Discussion*

For sensitivity reasons we wanted to run this list past my Gramma Ruby, which would have been really helpful not to mention miraculous because she died at an Elizabeth Dole Rally in Boise)

Active: 1) A lifestyle characterized by frequent or various social, intellectual, and particularly physical activities; 2) In geology, a volcano which erupts regularly; 3) A member of the LDS Church who is often seen carrying brownies, scriptures or children back and forth to Church.

Affirmation: 1) A positive assertion. 2) An organization for LDS homosexuals and the people that love them, but not affiliated or supported by the LDS Church.

Sentence: Falling off of the stage was the affirmation she needed to confirm the universality of gravity.

Sentence: The LDS SGA think OGA from ID, WO and MT dress like the NFL.

Beehive: 1) Home to bees, 2) A height-positive sixties hair style which many Mormon women continued to wear through the seventies and into late nineties and early 00’s with a slight revamp; 3) Young woman’s organization of girls who can’t drive yet.

Choice: 1) A decision between two or more option, and often referred to as free agency, personal rights and freedom.

Sentence: The choice for Juan Carlo was to either be eaten alive by the anaconda or jump from the boat into the mouth of the hungry crocodile.

Church: 1) An identifiable religious body under a common name; 2) a physical structure often equipped with a satellite dish, food warming area and an indoor basketball court.

Sentence: The ambulance and two squad cars were sent to the ball game at the Church between the elders and the priests due to last year’s “incident.”

Closet: 1) Upright storage space for clothing; 2) Slang reference to the status of an individual wishing to remain private about his/her sex life and who hasn’t acknowledged their SGA feelings yet to friends and family members.

Sentence: He had been in the closet so long he smelled like cedar and old shoes.

Coming Out: 1) The act of leaving a building or structure. 2) The process of telling people about one’s homosexuality is often referred to as coming out.

Conversion therapy, or reparative therapy or reorientation therapy: 1) A type of sexual orientation change effort that attempts to change the sexual orientation of a person from homosexual or bisexual to heterosexual. In the past techniques have included psychoanalytic group therapy involving aversive conditioning, electric shock or nausea-inducing drugs, and may have included sex therapy. Today there seems to be a more subtle and genteel approach which is being met with more success,

Down Low or DL : 1)This term means different things to different people, however generally it connotes dishonesty and hiding. 2) A term for men who discreetly have sex with other men while in marital relationships with women. Often these men do not consider themselves homosexual or bisexual, and their female partners are generally not aware of these infidelities.

Ex-Gay: Term for those who have experienced SGAttraction and who, for religious or other reasons, have chosen not to embrace a gay identity, or to engage in SGA behavior.

Family Group Sheets: 1) Forms used in annotating genealogy; 2) Money saving tactics for Mormon families at bedtime.

Sentence: Laverne and Lavelle grab your sister and a family group sheet and get you off to bed.

Families are Forever: 1) LDS catch phrase originating in the early eighties - referring to the belief that temple sealed families created on earth can move into the next life together. 2) The prevalent attitude after two weeks of dealing with the new in-laws.

Sentence: Did you hear our new sister-in-law-sing the Duran-Duran Medley? Are families really forever?

Folk Doctrine: 1) Doctrines that develop from prevailing rumor.

Sentence: Three stakes in Pocatello have been asked to spear-head a pilot program for the Churches new Work and Glory aerobics program.

Gay: 1) A happy and joyful method of celebrating holidays often sung about in English Carols and Fred Astaire films. 2) A common term for an individual attracted to their same gender. Gay has been a widely used synonym of "male homosexual." Its meaning is rapidly evolving to refer to both male and female homosexuals. Some people differentiate between homosexual and gay: homosexual is regarded as a sexual orientation; gay is a political identity -- i.e. an advocate for equal rights for persons of all sexual orientations

Gender: 1) The set of characteristics that distinguish between female and male members of a species. It is often used interchangeably with the word "sex" denoting the condition of being male or female.

Genealogy: 1) An activity Mormons do happily while praying to hook up with a distant relative who has done all the work.

Sentence: Brother The-Hun was a bit disturbed when his grandma showed him his genealogy line went directly to some guy named Attila.

Heterosexual: 1) People whose emotional, sexual and romantic feelings are primarily for those of the opposite sex or having to do with opposite sex attraction.

Homophobia: 1) An irrational fear, prejudice or discrimination towards homosexuals. Homophobia can take many forms, from name-calling and teasing to serious crimes like assault and murder. Homophobia like other irrational fears is most often based on ignorance.

Homosexual: 1) People whose emotional, sexual and romantic feelings are primarily for those of the same sex or having to do with same sex attraction.

In: See out.

Last days: 1) A horrific time of floods, famines, political strife and food storage eating – much like yesterday.

Sentence: The last days of a back to school sale appear to be frequented by women on a weekend pass from the state hospital.

Lesbian: Term to describe sexual and romantic desire between females.

Lifestyle: The term lifestyle (as in gay lifestyle) has become a polarizing term though used by gay and lesbian people in the past. “Those in the lifestyle” usually means “those who identify as gay", though it may refer to behavior as well as identity - much as LDS lifestyle would mean those living the teachings or of the culture, or East Coast Lifestyle may refer to black turtle necks, bookstores and apartment living.

Many are called, but few are chosen: 1) What I keep telling myself when I am asked to be on the ward activities committee again.

Mixed Marriage: For our purposes here, a union between one of “heterosexual” orientation with one dealing with SGA.

Out: See in.

Prophet: 1) A man called of God who holds the keys to direct the Church and to speak for Jesus Christ. The President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is a chosen prophet, seer and revelator.

SSA: 1) Acronym for Same Sex Attraction. The LDS Church prefers SGA, (which I always thought stood for Star Gate Atlantis reruns) but actually means Same Gender Attraction. SSA and SGA are terms not highly favored among the gay community. Neither, for that matter, is the phrase “gay community”.

Sentence: ST-TNG and SGA are playing all week on SI-FI.

Sin: To behave in a manner that is contrary to the revealed commandments of God.

Transgendered: A designation of person whose identity does not conform to conventional notions of male or female gender roles.

Quotes, Quotation Marks: Tool used to set apart a word or phrase. For our purposes here, generally speaking, using quotation marks to denote words such as “gay” or “homosexual” is offensive. If you are not comfortable with using a term from the “so-called other side”, then it is recommended that a substitute which doesn't involve quote marks is found.

Sentence: I am offended that “he” just used quotations on the phrase other side.

Straight: 1) A direction which veers neither to the left or the right. 2) A slang term used in the place of heterosexual.

Sentence: The geography club, Straights of Magellan is not accepting new members.

Strait is the gate and narrow is the way: 1) Popular scripture quote used to encourage righteous living and weight loss.

Tithing: 1) One tenth of one’s income donated voluntarily to the LDS Church for upkeep and needed things.

Sentence: Ten percent of nothing is still nothing.

Urim and Thummim: 1) Tool used by Joseph Smith to translate the Book of Mormon. 2) What I wish I had to understand my kids text messages.

Wickedness Never Was Happiness: 1) What Cal’s first missionary companion in the MTC from Macon Georga wrote on his left bicep with a sharpie when visas to Central America didn’t come through on time. 2) Comment made by those on their way to Church when a boat or motor-home pulls up in the next lane of traffic.

Preference,not Principal

Blue shirts, red ties, dark nylon socks...

This is a blog for Mormon SSA* men who wish to follow the teachings of the LDS church while owning their Homosexuality. It can be done! This blog-spot is written by a sort-of smart gay man who is a card-carrying member of the LDS church and hopes to remain so. He will remain so by following the teachings of the prophets. His motto for today is "Many a true word spoken in jest," and he will try to not be so charming.

Mr. Thompson thinks he knows just about everything. Lately, it has been proposed that he may, in actuality, not. He is trying to be open to that thought.

Mother Teresa

Everybody today seems to be in such a terrible rush, anxious for greater developments and greater riches and so on, so that children have very little time for their parents. Parents have very little time for each other, and in the home begins the disruption of peace of the world