I Got This! By Russell Carroll

It’s been a monumental week for me. That is, if you consider
all your “senior moments” to be monumental. I recently celebrated the 37th
anniversary of my 21st birthday. Which means, A) I’m old, and B) My
mind says I’m 25, but my body says, “Nope, you’re old, dude.”

I recently spent the morning searching for my glasses. I
knew I had them on when I got home because I woke up in the right house. First
clue: check! Let’s move on. I scrambled
through the bed sheets. I looked under the bed. I investigated every inch of
the house. No go. Accepting that I had lost them, I turned to the bathroom
mirror to see what I would look like going to work with no glasses. Boom! There
they are, right on top of my head. I check
my back, like a soldier on recon, to see if any roommates had witnessed this
comical yet futile search. No one around. I evaded that embarrassing
interaction.

But wait, it gets better (or worse, depending on your
perspective). I shower (no glasses), shave, and prepare to seize the day at my
night job when I can’t find my keys. First place I look is on my head. Strike
one. So, fully dressed for work and challenging the clock for an on-time
arrival, I look everywhere. When I finally rub my head with desperation, I find
my keys. Looped around my finger. Ok, big breath. I have glasses and keys.
Ready to go.

One of the things I like most about my night job is that we
get to dress casual. Shorts, t-shirts, and tennis shoes are all good. So, I
head off on my bad motor scooter (which is a bike and certainly has no motor), and
arrive at work right on time. I strut my way through the store like the stud
that I am so that I can don my “Bevmologist” apron. Of course, being an over
achiever in my $10 hourly executive position, I stop to talk with a few
customers along the way to the team locker room. While chatting with one regular
customer, she looks down at my feet and casually states, “Nice shoes.” I look
down and can only find two words: “Oh, my.” You see, I’m wearing my house
slippers! That’s right: first, lost glasses, then, lost keys, and to complete
the hat trick, I’m sporting my fluffy slip- ons. It’s my habit to dress for
work and then stay in my slippers while I relax for a few more minutes before
heading out of the house for whatever mission lies in front of me. I knew it
would happen one day, and I can now scratch that off of my “Things I’m Scared I
Might Do” list.

You see, it doesn’t matter how old you are or
the stupid positions you put yourself in; it only matters how you handle them.
So, I say we screw all of these things up: lose your glasses on your head, lose
your keys in your hand, go to work in slippers, hell…go ahead and wear your gym
shorts backwards. But I caution you on the latter; as my experience shows, it
is very hard to use your pockets with your pants on backwards. After all, it’s
not what you look like, it’s how you feel. But….that’s just how I see it.