Simon: I'm trying to put this as delicately as I can...how do I know you won't kill me in my sleep? Mal: You don't know me very well, son, so let me put this to you plainly: If I ever kill you, you'll be awake. You'll be facing me. And you'll be armed

Harken: You fought with Captain Reynolds in the war? Zoë: Fought with a lot of people in the war. Harken: And your husband? Zoë: Fight with him sometimes too

Mal: And I never back down from a fight. Inara: Yes, you do! You do all the time! Mal: Well.... yeah, but I'm not backing down from this one!

Mal: Mercy is the mark of a great man. [He lightly stabs Atherton.] Mal: Guess I'm just a good man. [He repeats the poking.] Mal: Well, I'm all right.

Zoë: Cap'n'll come up with a plan. Kaylee: Well, that's good. Right? Zoë: Possible you're not recalling some of his previous plans.

Mal: Someone ever tries to kill you, you try to kill 'em right back!

The West Wing- What´s Next?

Bartlet: I was watching a television program before, with a kind of roving moderator who spoke to a seated panel of young women who were having some sort of problem with their boyfriends - apparently, because the boyfriends had all slept with the girlfriends' mothers. And they brought the boyfriends out, and they fought, right there on television. Toby, tell me: these people don't vote, do they?

Josh: All I'm saying is, if you were in an accident, I wouldn't stop to get a beer. Donna: If you were in an accident, I wouldn't stop for red lights.

Toby: One victory in a year stinks in the life of an administration. But it's not the ones we lose that bother me, Leo, it's the ones we don't suit up for

Bartlet:I wanted to ask you a couple of questions while I have you here. I'm interested in selling my youngest daughter into slavery as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. She's a Georgetown sophomore, speaks fluent Italian, always cleared the table when it was her turn. What would a good price for her be? While thinking about that, can I ask another? My Chief of Staff Leo McGarry insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly says he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself or is it okay to call the police? Here's one that's really important because we've got a lot of sports fans in this town: touching the skin of a dead pig makes one unclean. Leviticus 11:7. If they promise to wear gloves, can the Washington Redskins still play football? Can Notre Dame? Can West Point? Does the whole town really have to be together to stone my brother John for planting different crops side by side? Can I burn my mother in a small family gathering for wearing garments made from two different threads? Think about those questions, would you? One last thing: while you may be mistaking this for your monthly meeting of the Ignorant Tight-Ass Club, in this building, when the President stands, nobody sits

C.J.: There were 36 homicides last night. 480 sexual assaults. 3411 robberies. 3685 aggravated assaults, all at gun point. And if anyone thinks those crimes could have been prevented if the victims themselves had been carrying guns, I only remind you that the President of the United States was shot last night while surrounded by the best-trained armed guards in the history of the world.

Ainsley: Mr. Tribbey? I'd like to do well on this, my first assignment. Any advice you could give me that might point me the way of success would be, by me, appreciated. Lionel: Well, not speaking in iambic pentameter might be a step in the right direction.

Sports Night- So stick around

Jeremy: Fire me. Isaac: What? Jeremy: You heard me, I want you to fire me. Isaac: I'm not going to fire you. Jeremy: I'm a terrible worker, I'm the last to arrive and the first to leave. Isaac: You're the first to arrive and the last to leave. Jeremy: And don't you think that's a little strange? Isaac: Yes. Jeremy: I'm a racist. Isaac: Jeremy... Jeremy: I am, I'm a terrible racist. I think all those people with the funny accents and weird skin color should go back to wherever they came from and leave this country to the people who rightfully stole it from the Indians... which they deserved. Isaac: Jeremy... Jeremy: I'm serious, this country is being ruined by the blacks and the Jews. Isaac: You're Jewish. Jeremy: And I have to be stopped!

Isaac: Someone holds the copyright to 'Happy Birthday?'Dan: The representatives of Patty and Mildred Hill.Isaac: It took two people to write that song?

Isaac: I won the Pulitzer Prize, Jeremy. Jeremy: It's quite an honor, sir. Isaac: No, I mean it's one of the many objects in the room I can grab and shove up- Jeremy: Got it!