June 15, 2006

Have you done your Father's Day shopping? Try these last minute gift ideas from the Gamecock schlock stock!

GAMECOCK HOME VIDEO"IF ONLY: Great Close Losses of the Carolina Gamecocks." (29.95)-- Crow it loud and proud: "We play you close every year!" Here are highlights of favorite games the Cocks almost won. See winning football that lasted for three and a half quarters.

"RETROACTIVELY THE BEST: Great Gamecock Championships We Didn't Know About Until Recently." (29.95)-- The year 1996 saw the Gamecocks crowned as national champions--we just didn't realize it at the time. See terrific footage of all Steve Spurrier's great games, now computer colored for righfully garnet jerseys.

Laundry marker provided--simply take the shirt to the game, check the right slot at game's end, and scurry home! Available in sizes medium, large, and chunky chicken.

BOOKS:"Wait 'Til Next Year: The Complete Story of Gamecock Football" (8 page booklet) (0.79) Order in BUUUULK bulk bulk bulk...

"The Gamecock Application Bible" with Steve Spurrier's words in red ink. (49.95) Special features applying the Bible to the teachings of Coach Spurrier, and tips for living every day with the wisdom of the perfect master. (Frontipiece painting: "Little David Stands Over Goliath's Body and Makes Quotable Taunting Remarks")

SPECIAL, MARKED DOWN: "The Gamecock Application Bible" with Lou Holtz's words in red ink (9.95) Special features applying the Bible to the teachings of Coach Holtz, and tips for living every day with the wisdom of the LOOUUUU. (Frontispiece painting: "Lou Motivating the Disciples As Their Boat Sinks in the Storm.")

Gamecocks, Gamecocks, Gamecocks. Is this a Gamecocks blog or an UGA blog? One thing for sure: somebody has the Gamecocks on their mind. Watch out dawgs - away at SC is no given for your team. And no one, and I mean no one, would be surprised if you open up your conference/division with a loss to Spurrier. What then? Who becomes your fascination? Kentucky?

No, various Gamecock Anonymi, the real reasons they're putting all this anti-SC stuff on here are threefold:

1) it's f%$#in' funny, and

2) we can count on getting a good laugh, or multiple good laughs, from the indignant SC folk jumping on here and issuing boasts/threats as if their program had actually WON a significant game in the last 25 years or so, which is

Look, give Spurrier a few year and see what happens (I'm a Florida fan and my Dad graduadated for Cockville so this pains me to no end), judging from his record against the dawgs taunting him might not be a great idea.

the funny part is that even if USC beats GA every 5 years or so (I mean shouldn't they? assuming they claim to be legit) They will prance around like 1-4 is OWNING the oppenent. You can't win against this crowd.

Cocks, if if makes you happy, we'll say it, the Gators own us. Okay? Happy? now deal with your reality.

Doug, being a homosexual is very dangerous these days. It can lead to a variety of Sexually Transmitted Diseases, such as herpes, syphilus and the ever dreaded HIV. It can also hinder your social and professional status, limiting where you can safely go and how far you can make it within the business world. I am worried about you Doug. Nice pic Doug.

I'm not shopping for Father's Day 2008 quite yet but these great books will be available in time for Christmas:

"A DECADE AND A HALF OF FRUSTRATION...A recap of the Ga-Fla series since 1990" (Random House, $12.95)

- The Dawgs elevate futility to an art form with numerous lopsided losses under the guidance of three different coaches. The forward is authored by Donald Trump and entitled "The Art of the (Bad) Deal: How to get your top rival to agree to play your annual grudgematch in enemy territory."

"CELEBRITY HAIRCUTS FOR LESS THAN $5" ($2.95)

- Not necessarily a UGA book but coach Mark Richt is featured for his attempt to bring back the zipperhead look.

"WHAT IF? A CONTEMPLATION OF CHAMPIONSHIPS THAT COULD HAVE BEEN WITHOUT 'THE GOOF'" ($9.95)

- A discussion of what could have been if Ray Goff had never coached at Georgia. An entire chapter is devoted to methods of hypnosis that Dawg fans can use to help them forget the Goof years.

WHAT IF, VOL. 2: THE CHAMPIONSHIP THAT WASN'T BECAUSE HERSCHEL LEFT" ($10.95)

- Dawg fans lament Herschel Walker's early departure for USFL glory. Includes a list of top 10 plays that Herschel would have made if he had stayed for his senior season.

"A DAWG FAN'S GUIDE TO GETTING IN TOUCH WITH HIS FEMININE SIDE" ($4.95)

- Step 1: How to cry on cue: Imagine you are at Sanford Stadium watching black and white clips of Herschel running over Bill Bates.

"THE FALL THE GAMECOCKS SAVED OUR ASS" ($49.95)

- My personal favorite chronicles how in the fall of 2005 the Gamecocks did something the Dawgs could not - beat Florida. As a result, the Dawgs go to the SEC title game.