Cemeteries busy during spring holidays

by Connie Cone Sexton - Mar. 28, 2009 08:00 AMThe Arizona Republic

Comfortable temperatures and upcoming holidays will make for busy cemeteries across the northeast Phoenix area. Easter, Memorial Day, Mother's Day and Father's Day are typically catalysts for drawing people to gravesides, giving them a chance to renew remembrances of those they've lost.

Several memorial parks are scattered throughout the area, including the National Memorial Cemetery of Arizona, a resting place for veterans and their spouses; and Mount Sinai, which is open to the Jewish community.

For some, the cemeteries are havens for finding solitude and focus, places where they can lose inhibitions to grieve. Grieving is a personal process and one way is not the right way for all, said Sandi Howlett, a grief educator.

"For most people, the first year is when they do their heavy visiting," Howlett said. "A lot of people are obsessed, making sure they get there for the major holidays. They take not being able to be there as seriously as not getting a birthday cake made (when the person was alive)."

Howlett said some people are very comfortable visiting a grave. She talks of the family who set up a picnic, the wife who brings a folding chair and newspaper to read to her deceased husband, of the people who bring cleaning supplies to keep the grave neat.

For Phoenix residents Nancy and Culver White, taking time out to remember their son, Hunter, is important. Their visitations are divided between Hunter's grave and Hansen Desert Hills Mortuary and Memorial Park on East Bell Road.

Their memories of Hunter live on through a statue at the Hansen cemetery. The Whites helped bring about the Angel of Hope, a 4-foot bronze statue dedicated to the memory of lost children. The statue, which occupies a sunken garden at the Desert Hills location, helps the Whites reflect on the life of their son. The 19-year-old died in a spring-break traffic accident in 2001. In his memory, the Whites helped raise money to erect the angel, and they also lead education programs to help prevent other spring-break tragedies.

They saw the original Angel of Hope statue in Salt Lake City not long after Hunter's death. Seeing the open arms of the angel helped Culver White begin to truly grieve. "I was brought to my knees," he said. The statue was inspired by the book "The Christmas Box," in which a woman mourns the loss of her child at the foot of an angel.

Since the statue was erected, hundreds of people have paid $100 to have a plaque placed along the garden walls in memory of their lost child - no matter whether the child was 8 months or 80.

Nancy White smiles at the thought of her son. "He would be happy that this has happened," she said.

Through their pain, the Whites said the angel has helped them find lasting comfort.