Tuesday, 26 May 2009

Wankers Posing With An Ashes Urn

Apart from talking about their feelings and getting relationship counselling, this is what Cricket Australia is making the boys do at the Ashes training camp. It's the obligatory shots, but oh-so-painful to look at:

Just because that's the best pose ever. His masculinity is overwhelming.

Check out the arm, friends. A wanker indeed.

A glorious model for your every need. Even Brett Lee isn't as pretty as that.

So very photogenic, that Ricky.

There's also a shot of Mitchell Johnson with both a replica urn and a cricket ball. How very formidable.

But perhaps the best one of all is our very own Andrew McDonald, who is not important enough to get the replica ashes urn. I laugh hysterically:

I guess even Cricket Australia don't really like him, despite having picked him for the squad.

For now, all I want is for England's players to be subjected to this same cruelty. It's not fair otherwise to divide the torment unequally.

so unpopular he gets a random comment on a completely different topic.

they are shockin' photos though. even Watson looks a little creepy, altho that is possibly because he is worrying that the pose is somehow going to cause a tendon / muscle / bone to snap and ruin yet another Ashes series. i think they are supposed to look serious and threatening, but it's always a bit hard to pull that off in all white.

I agree; England should have to do something similar... oh wait, maybe they've already started:

Christ, that's a terrible video. The most boring 3 minute Ashes promo ever. I don't know when people are going to realise that getting KP to hang out in front of a camera is fine, but the moment you let him talk, you lose all credibility. I honestly doubt any opposition would fear England after hearing enough of KP's voice.

KP's voice is girlish, just as Beckham's is a turnoff. I thought Clarke did have a dedication to Lara on his arm. Cook is a spunk though he looks like he is wearing eyeliner. I thought it was confirmed that Smith was gay.

As for the Vogue adverts on cricinfo, I think they're targeted according to which region/version of cricinfo you're viewing as well as other sites you visit. The only ads I'm getting on there at the moment are for shopping sites I use already which seems a bit pointless.

Lara Bingle is an airhead just like Clarke. At least Punter is smart though Strauss may have the intellectual edge on him. Is Smithy the dumbest captain? He certainly does struggle to string two or more intelligent words together. I can see why they would prefer Botha, he seems pretty smart.

Q, I'd never noticed it before. Huh. Anyway, only a wanker gets "carpe diem" tattooed onto their arm. I mean, for christ's sake, we all know it too. Clarke's trying to get all pseudo-intellectual on us.

MJ, KP bats like he's got something to prove. Which he does, having run away from South Africa on the grounds that they didn't appreciate his awesome talent, in the very literal sense of the word.

Megan, I have no idea about the dedication to Lara, but certainly Cook does wear that eyeliner. I sent him some recently because it looked like he was running up. Thankfully, he's topped up on the eyeliner and is good to go.

Anon 1, pink shorts, you say? Do send pics.

Stani, brilliant pun. You win the caption competition hands down. And I do see what you mean by overhyping the Ashes, especially this particularly cheesy set of shots.

Esra, I should have known you'd been keeping up with every tattoo Clarke gets. From now on, you're my foremost Pup expert, sort of like Ryan Campbell, only MUCH BETTER.

It's definitely a compliment. Here's you first test as an expert: What is the colour of Clarke's eyes?

A nice easy one to start you off, but I'll be springing tough ones on you in random posts. Be prepared to answer them correctly or risk being cast onto the same platform as Ryan Campbell. dun dun DUN. How dramatic.

If Stani likes hands as he claims, (I still think he wants my cricketing man boobs database) eyes are my forte. Pup's are blue. I will await further questions to prove how much better I am than Ryan Campbell.

I was hoping that would be the prize Ames! Wooo. Just don't offer it to anyone else because there's a word for that kind of thing.

Esra, I didn't want to tell you this but you've forced my hand. Mensa did actually call me first and as a gentleman I insisted that they call you because that's what gentleman do - ladies first. Sorry my darling.

Why such detail Anonymous? It's the kind of description one would only be able to give having touched them.

...and the answer to Ames' question is blue, but red when he's angry. That's the complete answer Es

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Born with the ability to dislike Australian cricketers, I may be well on my way to Hell, according to an irate Aussie fan."why dont u piss off Amy S!!!!!! u dont know about australia!!!! go back to your sh1thole!!!"I have promptly returned to Sydney, where I will spend the rest of my days in hiding. It is a scary job, this blogging.