EVENTS

(1) Make up your motherfucking mind about what motherfucking drink you want during the five minutes you have been waiting in the motherfucking line, not after you reach the head of the line and the motherfucking barista asks you what the fuck you want.

(2) Put away the motherfucking cell phone while you engage in your transaction with the motherfucking barista, as opposed to reaching the head of the line, being asked by the motherfucking barista what the fuck you want, and telling her to please wait a second and then proceeding to continue your motherfucking cell phone conversation about how cute your stupid motherfucking spawn who just started first motherfucking grade is while the rest of the poor fucks in line stand there like motherfucking idiots.

For years, I have been amused by computer illiterate morons coming to tech support forums and whining about how “my Internet is broken!” or “my Adobe won’t work!” or “when I click on my Internet, nothing happens!” I could never quite put my finger on what felt so meaningful about this completely ridiculous usage of “my” in the context of entities that are vast in scope, and have only an infinitesimal relationship to the person referring to them with “my”.

Recently, I have noticed the same usage of “my” by sick-fuck degenerate wingnuts in more important contexts: “I want my country back!” and “don’t mess with my Medicare!” And then it hit me.

These people conceive of vast entities like a nation of ~300 million people and a health-care provision system of massive scope as “mine”, because they are emotional, moral, and intellectual imbeciles. They can’t even conceive of the fact that they exist in an infinite universe of objective reality that is 100% totally fucking indifferent to their own greedy, self-absorbed desires. They are grown adults with the intellectual, emotional, and moral capacity of four-year-olds, and their language reflects it.

Instead of allowing our national political discourse to revolve around the antics of four-year olds, we should spank their asses and send them to their fucking room without dinner.

Carrying signs depicting President Obama as Adolf Hitler and the Joker, and chanting slogans such as “‘No big government” and “Obamacare makes me sick,” approximately 60,000 to 70,000 people flooded Pennsylvania Ave, according to the Washington DC Fire Department.