2011.11.09 Is anything funnier than undergarments?

Written by David Green.

By COLLEEN LEDDY

I don’t read as frequently as I used to which is a sad situation for a woman who works in a library. Worse yet is choosing less than satisfying books so when I do have a little time to read I am stuck with something like “It Looked Different on the Model: Epic tales of impending shame and infamy.”

That’s the book I had on hand after completing “Schuyler’s Monster” by Robert Rummel-Hudson. It’s a memoir about dealing with his daughter’s diagnosis of bilateral perisylvian polymicrogyria (a very rare neurological disorder).

Somehow, after days of plowing through the agony of Robert coming to terms with his daughter’s disorder and fighting for her right to proper educational services, “It Looked Different on the Model” just seems trite and shallow and hardly worth the time.

Maybe it’s just the mood I’ve been in while reading, but Notaro’s escapades in the dressing room trying to take off a blouse that’s stuck on her head and to her arms just didn’t make me laugh. And usually I find anybody stuck in their clothes funny.

Well, that’s not altogether true. When I get my head stuck taking off a tight necked turtleneck, I get claustrophobic and start to yell and almost cry depending on how long I’m trapped. But when it’s trying on Spandex body squeezers in the dressing room with my daughter Rosie, I laugh hysterically.

From Midnight Musings, April 30, 2008, a couple months before Rosie’s wedding:

I shimmied and I struggled, and I tugged and I sucked, and I huffed and I puffed, but I still could not get that thing to go past my upper thigh. Flesh oozed out over the waistband in quantities I didn’t even know existed. I was stuck at half mast, laughing uncontrollably at my predicament, thankful that the bathroom had been our first stop.

Rosie was laughing just as hard—until other customers entered the otherwise empty changing room. And then she went into silent laughter mode which just made me laugh harder every time I looked at her.

The sight of myself in the mirror was even funnier—half-naked cross-legged woman struggling to pull up an impossibly tight straight jacket device—and then Rosie came from behind and yanked it up, breaking the logjam.

“The package says it’ll make you 10 pounds lighter in 10 seconds, but I think it took you a lot longer,” she said.

That episode was probably one of the funniest in my life, ranking right up there with the bathing suit fiasco while on vacation with Rosie and Maddie six years ago.

From Midnight Musings, August 3, 2005:

On our last night in Puerto Rico, we stayed at the Hilton in San Juan. Maddie had found a great rate on the Internet and it was the perfect ending to the trip. After a late afternoon and evening in Old San Juan we hurried back to swim in the huge stunning pool. I hurried the girls along, since, for once, I was dressed first, clad in my new two-piece bathing suit (pink tank top, black bottoms) and bright blue sarong worn as a skirt.

Rosie and Maddie stepped into the pool first and as they told me how wonderful the water was, I undid the knot on my sarong and opened the cloth out from my body, ready to drop it on the lounge chair and walk into the pool.

So, imagine how excited I was to learn that David had finished the book he interloaned recently, “The Psychopath Test” by Jon Ronson, the same guy who wrote “The Men Who Stare at Goats,” which was made into a movie. David had mentioned snippets here and there as he was reading it and it sounded intriguing.

How intriguing? So intriguing I read more than half of it Sunday night. I couldn’t put it down. It’s kind of the literary equivalent of choosing the wrong meal in a restaurant. David almost always orders the better meal and I sit there eyeing it with great regret all through dinner. His books are almost always better than mine. Or at least more surprisingly substantial and meaty.

Hmm, which should worry me more—that my funniest moments in life have to do with undergarments or that I work in a library and can’t pick out satisfying books?

GAMES DAY—Finn Molitierno (right) celebrates a goal during a game of Nok Hockey with his sister, Kyla. The two tried out a variety of games Saturday at Stair District Library’s annual International Games Day event. One of the activities featured a sort of scavenger hunt in which participants had to locate facts presented in the Smithsonian Hometown Teams exhibit. The traveling show left Morenci’s library Tuesday, wrapping up a series of programs that began Oct. 2. Additional photos are on page 7.

STRANGE STUFF—Morenci Elementary School students learn that blue isn’t really blue when seen through the right color of lens. Volunteer April Pike presents the lesson to students at one of the many stations brought to the school by the COSI science center. The theme of this year’s visit was the solar system.

MAPLE leaves show their fall colors in a puddle at Morenci’s Riverside Natural Area. “This was a great year for colors,” said local weather watcher George Isobar. Chilly mornings will give way to seasonable fall temperatures for the next two weeks.

MORENCI Marching Band member Brittany Dennis keeps the beat Friday during the half-time show of the Morenci/Pittsford football game. Color guard member Jordan Cordts is at the left. The band performed this season under the direction of Doyle Rodenbeck who served as Morenci’s band director in the 1970s. He’s serving as a substitute during a family leave.

MOVING EAST—Utility workers continue their slow progress east along U.S. 20 south of Morenci. New electrical poles are put in place before wiring is moved into place.

A PERFORMER named Biligbaatar, a member of the AnDa Union troupe from Inner Mongolia, dances at Stair District Library last week during a visit to the Midwest. The nine-member group blends a variety of traditions from Inner and Outer Mongolia. The music is described as drawing from “all the Mongol tribes that Genghis Khan unified.” The group considers itself music gatherers whose goal is to preserve traditional sounds of Mongolia. Biligbaatar grew up among traditional herders who live in yurts. Additional photos are on the back page of this week’s Observer.

HOLDEN HUTCHISON gives a hug to a black bear cub—the product of a taxidermist’s skills—at the Michigan DNR’s Great Youth Jamboree. The event on Sunday marked the fourth year of the Jamboree. Additional photos are on page 12.