Category ►►► Weekend Update

April 10, 2006

While You Were Cursing the IRS...

Weekend Update

Hatched by Dafydd

...Tearing out the few strands of hair you had left, sticking two-inch nails into your Gender-Neutral Tax Auditer voodoo doll, and calling down the wrath of heaven upon anyone who would ever vote for a tax-hiking liberal, you might have missed these wonderful posts from Big Lizards week-end edition:

Sunday, April 9th, 2006: Sunday's 1040 has lies galore!

Where the Washington Post abruptly announces that Bush Was Right to leak the CIA's National Intelligence Estimate that showed Smiling Joe Wilson was a snake-oil salesman (whoops, atrocious analogy alert!)

How could anyone resist reading a post with a title like this? We sneak a peek at the little oopsie that occured this weekend, in which Harry Whittington -- who for the rest of his life will be known to Vice President Cheney as "my fine, feathered friend" -- took one for the cause ("cause" he wasn't looking where he was walking!)

February 6, 2006

While You Were Planted...

Weekend Update

Hatched by Dafydd

...Before the telly, swilling your adult beverage of choice and rooting for that team that begins with an S....

We at Big Lizards know how forgetful our readers can be; it's easy to forget trivia like war and peace, crime and punishment, feast and famine, and other works of Russian literature in the face of such a monumental event as a bunch of men suffering from gigantism chasing each other around a cow pasture in pursuit of a peculiar, little pointed object. As a public service -- I did get the L in there, didn't I? yes, of course -- Big Lizards offers this recap of the momentous posts you may have missed, you who often neglect your blogism on days that (like your favorite team) begin with an S.

Saturday, February 4th, 2006: ten days before you show your love by buying your sweatheart a pipe rack...

Here is one of those "humanitarian" reconstruction efforts of the Coalition of the Swilling: the Japanese are restoring the Iraqi Marsh, whence the Marsh Arabs were driven away by Saddam in one of his numerous crimes against humanity.

The third and (God help us!) last sequel of our argument why, even though we must of course stand up against the rioting Moslems addled by the Cartoon-Mohammed Affair, it was neverthless probably not a keen idea to publish (and republish, and re-republish) the cartoons in the first place.

Sunday, February 5th, 2006: ten days before she shows her love by introducing you to your new bed in the garage

Wherein Big Lizards offers the second in an open-ended series of possible military actions we could take to prevent the Iranian mullahs from developing nuclear intermediate-range ballistic missiles; this installment suggests an occupation of a strip of borderland within Iran on the Iraq border, which we introduced to great cheers from the readers. Oh, wait -- I think those were jeers, not cheers. Close enough for blogist work!

In which we speculate on the peculiar position that the fabled Mr. Hewitt must have found himself in during the Big Game... a position normally found only among budgerigars.

And that scant screech of five blogposts is all we managed to produce this week-end.

(A screech is the proper collective noun for blog posts, like a pride of lions, a murder of crows, an exaltation of larks, or a piteousness of doves. Other well-known collective nouns include: a pillage of Goths, a Depeche Mode of Goths, a bombast of senators, a keg of Kennedys, a garble of Bushes, a smear of Democrats, a revolt of Republicans, a loot of lobbyists, a buck of banks, a condescension of Clintons, a lout of Lotts, a misery of mullahs, and a process of Palestinians.)

January 23, 2006

While You Were Visiting Little Nemo In Slumberland...

Weekend Update

Hatched by Dafydd

I have been remissssssssss, and I humbly slither in the dust of contrition. It's been weeks since I last gave a recap of the scintillating, scaley susurrations of the days of the Bringer of Age and the Bringer of Light. So here's yer lousy weekend update:

December 19, 2005

While You Were Ensconced With Mr. Sandman...

Weekend Update

Hatched by Dafydd

...Some of us were slaving away, wrestling with the Midgardian serpent of Charter Cable, who seem to consider internet access to be a frivolity that I can jolly well do without. In between the long, dreary hours of being thrown back into the Dark Ages of 1980 or so, we did manage to crank out a couple of pieces worth mulling:

Saturday, December 17th, 2005: seven more shopping days before Christmas!

Wherein I argue that the Israeli spirit may be willing, but the flash is too weak to take out all of the suspected Iranian nuclear sites -- and I once again urge us all to consider not trying to defang the serpent but simply to strike off its head.

Sunday, December 18th, 2005: eight more days before returning all the weird gifts from your crackpot relatives!

December 12, 2005

While You Were Wandering Helplessly...

Weekend Update

Hatched by Dafydd

...waiting for Big Lizards to show you the way to set your life back on course. We are the world's moral compass, of course.

Some folks, we hear, are so peculiar that they don't actually read blogs on the weekend. Evidently, even on Monday, they don't go all the way back to Saturday's posts but simply start up again with the weekday reading.

Actually, I doubt any Big Lizards readers are such weirdoes; I only have evidence that readers of Hugh Hewitt are that sort, if you know what I mean (and I think that you do). But then, readers of that blog are also well known to have six fingers on each hand, fur on their ears, and to chew broken bottles while baying at the moon (I read it constantly, so you can take my word for it!) So it would hardly be surprising that they also fail to complete their weekend reading.

I seem to have wandered far afield. Where's that moral compass again? Here we go:

Saturday, December 10th, 2005: three days after Pearl Harbor Day

In which we take up the sword and shield for just enough coercive interrogation that we actually get the intel we need, and wonder at the mindsets of those who care more about the rights of foreign terrorists being held abroad than about the lives of Americans right here at home -- some of the potential victims even Democrats!

Sunday, December 11th, 2005: one day after Saturday

We relate the bonechilling news that a whiny, universally despised, leftist Nobel laureate with poor grooming habits (am I being redundant?) has written a play about the momentous life and cacophonous cause of "Mother Sheehan."

On the day before Stanley "Tookie" Williams' execution, we take a look at the absurdity of the arguments and celebrity vigils against his death -- from people who likely don't even know the names of his victims: Albert Lewis Owens, a clerk at a 7-Eleven; husband and wife Yen-I Yang and Tsai-Shai Chen Yang; and their daughter, Yu-Chin Yang Lin. (This post was subsequently bumped to Monday, December 12th, 2005; but it was originally a weekend post you might not have seen, if you're one of those "Hewitt" readers.)

A simple prediction: if Governor Schwarzenegger denies clemency (as he eventually did), then he will run for reelection as a Republican; but if he had granted clemency, he would have been signalling that he was going to leave the GOP and run for reelection as an Independent. But now we'll never know, thank goodness!

November 28, 2005

While You Were Shoveling...

Weekend Update

Hatched by Dafydd

...partially oxidized domesticated fowl into your maws....

For those of you who decided, funnily enough, to focus on "family," "friends," and "football" this holiday weekend, rather than do the manly thing and read your favorite blogs right there at the Thanksgiving Day table, over the screaming objections of your enraged mother and father, here is what you missed. (Though really, we at Big Lizards are not responsible for lacunae in your sense of priorities, are we?)

Thursday, November 24th, 2005 -- Thanksgiving Day (national holiday)

Wherein Big Lizards turns a jaundiced eye upon a survey by the UN's World Health Organization that (mirabile dictu!) comes to the conclusion that radical feminism is right, and women all over the world -- well, in Third-World countries all over the world -- are being brutalized by the men in their lives.

The Scaley Ones note the interesting phenomenon of soldiers returning home after being rotated out of the war zone and telling all their friends and neighbors what they actually witnessed -- to the detriment of the Soviet Union and the defense of the Bush administration.

Skepticism rears up like a hooded cobra once again. This time, it's Sachi who is in a "show-me" mood anent the current hysteria about the pending "pandemic" of Avian Flu (some panic even from the venerable dean of conservative blogging, Hugh Hewitt!)

We examine the possiblity that Muqtada Sadr may actually "go straight" and withdraw from his al-Mahdi Militia to better position himself to run a slate of candidates for the Iraqi parliament... or that he will continue to play both sides of the fence, politician and militant. (We also catch the New York Times in an undisclosed rewrite of an earlier story so outrageous, it comes darned close to plagiarism.)

Sunday, November 27th, 2005 -- National Please-God-Anything-But-Turkey! Day (mental-health holiday)

Cynicism seems to be the theme of the holiday: now we're unconvinced that the socialist, internationalist, anti-Islam Baath Party has really and truly suddenly "got religion," as they rewrite themselves as militant Islamists in the mold of al-Qaeda; and we ponder the angst this produces in the lily-livered Iraqi National Security Advisor.

So you see? You could have saved yourself all the time spent reading this recap (and all those calories over the past four days) by just forgetting all about that nasty Thanksgiving Day sham and investing your time wisely in more and carefuller perusal of Big Lizards. I know what you were feeling -- but what were you thinking?

November 21, 2005

While You Were Sunk In a Stupor...

Weekend Update

Hatched by Dafydd

...Beneath the Table at Some Wretched Dive, Re-enacting the Lost Weekend, Starring Ray Miland, Jane Wyman, and Phillip Terry

As is our wont, when we're not lolling in Hawaii, working on a chain gang in Upper Iguana, or otherwise incapacitated, we here at Big Lizards post every Monday the joys and raptures you might have missed, if you're one of those folks who only read blogs during the workweek. And here they are, the posts we posted, the boasts we boasted, the toasts what were toasted, this last weekend!

Joys: Saturday, November 19th, 2005

In which we take Michael Newdow to the woodshed for his latest ludicrous lawsuit, trying to sue "In God we trust" off'n the coinage and greenbacks, and speculate that this is probably an excellent time for such a lawsuit to be heard by the Supreme Court.

Wherein we examine the crackpot allegation by a liberal blogger that Michelle Malkin doesn't really write her own blog, that it's in fact ghostwritten by her husband. Hm... could this be the voice of liberalism incredulous that a beautiful, young woman can actually think, as well? My, my!

Upon reflection, we herein reject the Power Line thesis that the Republicans blew a golden opportunity to trick masses of Democrats into voting for an immediate pullout from the Iraq war, without regard for consequences. It was more imporant, we muse, to reassure the troops that there was nigh unanimity opposed to the cut-and-run strategy than it was to embarass Nancy Pelosi.

The first chapter of a new travelogue by Sachi about her recent "underway" testing for the US Navy Aegis system. The test was successful -- and in a break from the secrecy of the past, the Navy itself touted the success on a web site and to the press. This chapter is about the pandemic of "seasickness" among engineers who desperately don't want to spend several weeks incommunicado on a naval ship plying the high seas.

And the second chapter of the Underway travelogue, in which Sachi describes the living quarters -- "you call this living?" -- where she stayed in privacy and comfort... surrounded by thirty other gals!

Rapture: Sunday, November 20th, 2005

Where hope springs eternal that this time, unlike the other 966 times, rumors of Musab Zarqawi's death could turn out not to be exaggerated after all. Even as we write these words, we do not yet know -- though la Casa Blanca downplays the possiblility.

See? The best post are always published on the weekend! Disregard them at peril to your immortal soul....

October 31, 2005

While You Were Aimlessly Frittering Your Time Away...

Weekend Update

Hatched by Dafydd

...Over the weekend, in keeping with your drab, wretched lives that have all the drama of an episode of MisteRogers' Neighborhood, we here at Big Lizards were engaged in the exciting industry of blog production!

In fact, we producted -- er, produced -- two posts this weekend, one each day, that you might enjoy:

Saturday, October 29th, 2005

The Dog That Didn't Bark, in which I note that Special Counsel Patrick Fitzgerald declined to charge I. Lewis "Scooter" Libby with conspiracy, and that this very likely means Fitzgerald does not believe Karl Rove (or Dick Cheney) either told Libby to leak the information about Joseph Wilson's wife being in the CIA or to lie or obstruct Fitzgerald's investigation. In other words, as I predicted ages ago (here, here, here, and here), Rove is off the hook.

Sunday, October 30th, 2005

Iraqi Kumbaya, in which Sachi reports the Good News that politics is breaking out all over Iraq!

Realistically speaking, y'all should be reading Big Lizards nine or ten times a day. (But be sure to allow a half-hour cooling-off period between readings, so each will register as a separate "hit" on SiteMeter.)

October 24, 2005

While You Were Goofing Off...

Weekend Update

Hatched by Dafydd

I see that Patterico has reinvigorated his own recap of the weekend's posts, This Weekend On Patterico.... doubtless because he was inspired by me. Few people know this, but I was the one who suggested the idea to him in the first place; even fewer are aware that it was I who took him in as a poor, orphaned child, removing him from the terrible environment of the workhouse (where he was terrorizing all the other kids), and persuaded him to go to law school. I was grooming him to be the next White House Counsel, stepping stone to the Supreme Court, but he decided to go into the DA's office instead; ah, the rebelliousness of youth!

But that's all spoiled water over the bridge. The important thing is that there were five posts on Big Lizards this weekend that you might enjoy reading (and bitterly disputing):

Saturday, October 22th, 2005

The 800 Pound Gorelick, in which I discuss -- but ultimately cannot endorse -- Rep. Curt Weldon's newest claim, that the Able Danger revelations were kept from the 9/11 Commission by "the lead staffer for Jamie Gorelick."

Zarqawi's Golden Parachute, in which Sachi and I speculate rampantly that the real reason Musab Zarqawi is creating a "network" of terrorists "across almost 40 countries" is that he has decided that he may soon be ousted from Iraq, and he's preparing various bolt holes to flee to when that happens.

Sunday, October 23th, 2005

Secret Polling Man, in which I draw your attention to a bizarre and inexplicable "secret military poll," funded by Great Britain's Ministry of Defence and conducted by "an Iraqi university research team" (otherwise unnamed for "security reasons"), which purports to show that nearly half of Iraqis support "suicide attacks" against Coalition forces, and "fewer than one per cent" think Coalition troops help the security of the country.

Finally, in the most controversial post in the bunch, George Will: the Old Maid in the Popcorn Bag, I use Will's own prolix style to argue that the famed columnist has long since jumped the shark -- if unpopped kernals can jump over Plagiostomi -- and become increasingly shrill, embittered, and offensive.

(Note: except for TTLB, which stubbornly insists upon ranking sleek, scaley reptiles lower than those hairy, milk-bearing mammals -- hiss! -- I have no idea what any of these websites are, and I certainly don't endorse them -- again, except for TTLB, which, except for the caveat noted above, is coolness. I just thought it kind of interesting that each was a domain name for some web site.)

October 17, 2005

While You Were Sleeping

Weekend Update

Hatched by Dafydd

Taking a page from Patterico, this post inaugurates a new series: since we get a lot fewer visitors over the weekend (people being busier with "RL"), each Monday I will try to post a brief recap of what we posted on Saturday and Sunday, capsule descriptions plus links, of course. And I'll keep this up as long as I remember to do so. So here goes!

Two posts on Saturday, October 15th:

Earle-y to Bed -- and Stay There: a stunning new development in the Tom DeLay case! It turns out that Ronnie Earle's office, which based its second indictment upon a single, critical document, does not actually have that document. When challenged to produce it in court, they handed over a different document instead -- and claimed it was "factually similar" to the real one!

Bush's Teleconference: the Actual Q&A: in all the excitement over whether the answers given by the soldiers in President Bush's teleconference were scripted or were their own words was the much more interesting news of the answers themselves... and Sachi thinks this bit of misdirection may have been purposeful on the part of the Associated Press, the Washington Post, and other MSM sources. Get the lowdown on the high drama of how the American presence created such a smooth and violence-free election in Iraq.

Sunday was exceptionally full with the KRLA Talkfest in the afternoon (I already told you about that) and a play in the evening, so blogging was light (by "light," I actually mean "nonexistent;" but it sounded better the other way). So that's all you missed last weekend... happy reading!

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