Keeping It Physical: Sex With Other People While In A Long Distance Relationship

Talking about sex, needs and desires in a relationship is a common practice. However, tables turn when you are in a long-distance relationship with your partner and such ‘sensitive’ topics come up.

A long-distance partner talking about sex--scary!

Image credit: Pexels

I remember telling an ex whom I had been in a long-distance relationship with for two years about feeling horny after watching a certain scene in a movie. Rather than indulging me, he ended up interrogating me about who all I would hang out with on a daily basis, if I had a crush on any of my guy friends, if I fantasized about other men and so on. From that day to the day we broke up, I never brought up the topic of my sexual needs and desires and stuck with the routine of sexting and video calls with him.

I just didn’t have it in me to explain to him how my sexual desires are a separate entity, individualistic of my relationship with him or anyone for that matter. Being in a relationship only fulfills my desires through a regular partner, but that doesn’t mean I’m constantly feeling satiated and grateful for the action--especially in a long-distance relationship.

Relationships, insecurities and sexual desires: a hot soup

Internally, all of us have certain insecurities or doubts about our relationships, so discussing sex with other people or having an open long-distance relationship is one route you want to avoid. The two major reasons being: a) it is great till you are the one indulging in it and b), you don’t know where to stop once the ball starts rolling.

Image credit: Pexels

I didn’t cheat on my partner and that is not the reason behind our break up. I did fancy other men, but in my defense I wouldn’t have had my partner been in the same city as me. It is natural to appreciate appearances from afar and even if I had taken it a step further, it wouldn’t have reflected on my love and commitment towards who I was with at the time.

However, when my ex and I did get back together during one of his visits to India, things changed. I knew the routine that lay ahead of us so I mentally prepared myself for the grueling commitment with the hectic 11-hour time gap between us, and one more thing--I gave morals and loyalty a fresh twist to suit myself.

Can you keep morality out of your relationships?

I rid myself of the morality clause I earlier held in my relationship. I let myself find pleasure when I wanted to. I did not fall in love with other men I met. I was loyal in my feelings, but I didn’t let my sexual frustration get the best of me and my relationship with the man I loved.

Image credit: Unsplash

This is not for everybody; some consider it ‘irreversible damage’, others think of it as ‘devilishly planned cheating’ and the rest see it as ‘you are a whore’--I have been told all those things. But my intention was to stay happy to keep my relationship happy.

I didn’t do it often, maybe once or twice, and it kept me sane. I obviously stopped once my partner moved back to Delhi and what I did in the past, stayed there.

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