Hot Stuff: She’s selfish in bed

DIVA’s sexpert offers advice to a reader with a lazy girlfriend

I'm so very in love with my new girlfriend. She's
BEAUTIFUL and so horribly, disgustingly HOT, I just don't know what
to do with myself...

The problem is that she knows and I think that over the
years it might have made her a bit of a princess, if you know what
I mean. Most noticeably, it makes her quite selfish in the
sack.

And it seems to be getting worse and it's a little
upsetting. It's making me question my own self-esteem. I've been
down that road before and I'm not eager to do it
again.

Any help would be appreciated.

Marion from Ponteland

Dear Pauper from Ponteland,

As in the Prince(ss) and the. Right? Ok, so it was a long
shot.

Ahem.

Dear Pauper. As someone who has been there and done that myself,
first of all: my sympathies. It certainly is a horrible feeling
being the underdog in the relationship. It's the same feeling I get
when, as a Northerner, I find myself in certain parts of London, or
say, in those posh boutiques where you feel you should be paying
for the air...

As if you shouldn't be there because you're somehow not quite
worth it. Right?

I could go one of two ways on this. My first tactic would be to
say (obviously, in the voice of Cheryl Cole), 'Of course you're
worth it!' Followed ever so possibly by a 'Get over it!' As if
feeling slightly less desired and/or desirable than you have felt
in other relationships is normal because your new girlfriend is so
hot and you have ego issues. In which case, your self-esteem is
entirely to blame and you should shut up, get over yourself and
deal with it. Got that?

Secondly, I could say that it's not normal and never acceptable
to be feeling anything other that entirely desired and wanted in a
relationship and that one should never, ever have the impression of
being a second-class citizen. Especially in the bedroom! In which
case, I would also venture that you should question any
relationship and any partner that makes you feel like that.

I have a personal tendency to shut away questions and worries
because I figure, it's probably my fault anyway or I'm being silly.
But don't follow my example, Pauper; it almost always ends in
tears. Trust your own emotions! Yes, she's hot, but that doesn't
make you any less hot or your needs in the hay any less precious
than hers.

Talk to her. Tell her that her lack of attention towards you is
making you feel dodgy. See how she reacts. If she flounces and is
aggressive about it, then call Mario and get him to come rescue his
princess. If she's apologetic and understanding, maybe you guys
could negotiate that the usurper seize power for a while...

HEY! New Year's is only a month away and DIVA is
interested in what your resolutions for 2013 will be! But not
just any kind, the sexual kind. In 2013, what daring, unusual or
downright crazy things are you just desperate to try? From
vajazzling to burlesque and S&M to pole-dancing, what does 2013
hold for you...?

All answers will be kept anonymous, except of course if
tweeted, in which case they might be a little less
anonymous.