I don’t have a problem telling you my age – 56 – because I’m younger than many and older than some.

I think about this a lot – for my grandmothers, fifty-six was a completely different experience.

Because their life expectancy at birth – with no antibiotics, anesthesia or other modern medical advances – was somewhere around forty-five or forty-six. Living beyond that must have seemed like bonus time.

For my grandmother Bea, who died at age 67, turning the age I am now meant that she only had twelve more years of living ahead of her.

Of course, she didn’t know that.

As a young child, all I knew was that Mama Bea looked old, and even pictures of her at fifty-six don’t look the way I look at fifty-six.

My other grandmother, Fern, lived to 101 1/2. Turning fifty-six was well beyond what she had expected, but she had an whole other entire lifetime ahead of her.

Of course, she didn’t know that, either.

I don’t imagine either of them would have been able to fathom my life at fifty-six.

Having a business – well, Bea owned and managed rental properties so she could have understood that pretty clearly – but working out of a home office, coaching men and women in Europe, Asia, Latin America as easy as talking with someone in Tulsa or Topeka? Unfathomable.

Making a very good living at it, too? They’d accuse me of making up tales.

Being at the height of my professional power and connectedness? Now, there they would be utterly dumbfounded.

And maybe just a little bit proud.

Because in their day, it was men who were at the pinnacle of their professional careers – and earning power – at fifty-six.

And now I am, too.

This is a huge shift that has occurred in my lifetime. Once upon a time, a fifty-six year old woman would be considered old, ready for the pasture, useless.

Today, though…

Today, this particular fifty-six year old woman is just getting started.

My work has never been better. My reach is global. My impact is lasting. I am creatively on fire.

Laurie was an amazing person, yes. A PhD in Computer Science at age 26? Hell, yes, she was amazing.

And she was also my friend.

People ask me, “Oh, did you grow up together? Did you meet in college?”, as if that’s the last chance to meet anyone who matters.

The truth is: I met Laurie in 2008 when she was my student in coach training. Then I became her mentor, her colleague, and her friend.

We liked the same books, and the same movies. She had a dog named Mocha. I have dogs named Milo and Bootsy. She had a kid. I had kids. We both loved puns, and British humor. We both took training in archetypes – different training programs, though – and she not-so-secretly thought her program was better than mine. We both disliked fake, insincere and slick salesmanship. We both believed in the things that cannot be seen. She came to visit me a couple of times, I came to visit her a couple of times. In the last few years, we connected every day as she navigated her life with ovarian cancer.

We were grown-up friends.

Earlier, in my late 30s, a slightly older friend moved away and called to talk with me about how challenging it was to fit in to her new community. She said, with a deep sigh, “No one wants a new friend after forty.” This was not happy news because she was smart, gorgeous, fun, engaging and blonde. I mean, if she couldn’t find new grown-up friends, I was destined to become a friendless bag lady living out of a shopping cart by my next birthday.

It’s true that too many of us struggle to find friends – friends at work, friends in the neighborhood, friends at all. And yet the Mayo Clinic says having the connection that deep friendship provides is vital to your health.

So, having friends is a very good thing.

The downside, of course, to allowing yourself to become deeply and authentically connected to another person is the sad fact that some day one of you will die.

And your heart will break.

And you may think things will never be the same again.

But that pain is the price you pay for having loved deeply, for having cared completely. For allowing another person to have seen you at your best and at your worst – and you them – and loving them anyway.

When you understand just how important connection and friendship is, you can take steps to create and foster relationships. Last year, Koren Motekaitis (also a former student – see a trend developing?) and I spent an entire hour talking about the power of friendships on her How She Really Does It radio show- listen to it here and get some more insight and approaches to growing and appreciating the people in your life.

If you feel less connected than you’d like to be, then today is the day you can start changing it. Be more open. Make eye contact. Find the places where you have things in common with others, and talk about it with them. Make the effort. Be vulnerable enough to be someone’s friend.

You will never regret it.

This week, I’ll head to Atlanta for Laurie’s funeral. This is a day I had hoped would never come, but it has. And as the sun streams through the stained glass next Saturday afternoon, and people say wonderful things about her heart and her spirit, my every breath and heartbeat will be a simple thank you for the deep and abiding friendship we have shared.

Carolyn is a lot like you. Sometimes she’s not sure that she’s doing the right thing.

See, after many years with the same employer, there was a “reorganization” and Carolyn lost her job. And as a woman in her mid-50s, she was worried about her job prospects.

You might go so far as to say she was slightly panicked.

OK, more than slightly.

When you haven’t done a job search in some time, the whole deal can feel overwhelming. Do you work with a recruiter? What do recruiters do, anyway?

What happened to classified ads? How do you sort through all the websites?

Do you still even apply for jobs?

She was spinning, spinning, spinning and getting more and more panicked.

Fortunately, though, Carolyn found me. 🙂

And in our work together, she identified a company she’d long admired where she’d love to work.

Since you all know I’m all about The Connector Strategy – activating your network to help you – Carolyn got busy identifying people she knew at the Ideal Company. By going to her network with a strong ask, she actually landed a phone call with an executive there!

The day before that phone call, Carolyn went to a charity lunch and sat at one of those big round tables charity lunch organizers around the planet have agreed to use. Big tables of eight or ten with drooping tablecloths and not enough bread baskets.

You’ve got the vision in your mind, I know you have.

There our heroine Carolyn sits. Tomorrow’s the big call with the networked friend-of-a-friend! She’s running over her key points in her mind, turning them over and over…

And two people sit down at the same table.

Carolyn introduces herself.

Small talk ensues.

And guess what?

Guess where these two people work?

Guess what department one of the heads?

Yes! Carolyn finds herself sitting next to the Senior Vice President Of Exactly What Carolyn Wants To Do from the Ideal Company Carolyn would love to work for!

Can you imagine?

And the rest of the charity lunch went well and I assume there were air kisses upon departure and Carolyn was over the moon.

Three great, strong connections within Ideal Company!

Now, the doubt started. Now, Carolyn began to worry if she’d done the right thing.

Should she have had the phone call with Friend-of-Friend first? Should she not have mentioned Friend-of-Friend to the Senior Vice President? Or was that good?

How do you follow-up in the right way? Was she being too forward? Oh, gawd, what if she’d already blown it?

Fortunately, Carolyn has me.

And I write this now for all of you who begin to orbit the building in worry and anxiety when you’re not sure of the right thing to do. Here’s my advice: “Worrying is a waste of time. All you need to do is to get honest.”

If you want to say to the Senior Vice President, “It was so great to meet you. I’d love to work on your team!” – then say it.

There may not be a job there now, but leaders appreciate honest enthusiasm – especially when it’s expressed about the work the leaders do – and when an opening does come up, guess who’ll be at the top of the list?

Your old views of what’s proper may look like this: One must be reserved. One must follow protocol. One must wait to be asked.

Well, those old views – are they helping you get what you want?

If you find yourself in a happy coincidence (which some might say was No Coincidence at All) where what you want seems to show up like magic, and you ask: “What do I say now? What’s the right thing to do?”

I suggest you say, in whatever words you want to use, the equivalent of: “This is great! I’d like some more of this, please.”

Did Carolyn land a job at the Ideal Company, working in the Department Of Exactly What She Wants To Do for the Senior Vice President she met at lunch?

Don’t know yet. But what we do know is that when Carolyn stopped worrying and started getting specific about what she wanted – stuff started happening.

A few weeks ago, I told you about my friend Laurie Foley who moved into hospice when it became clear there were no treatment options available for her ovarian cancer. I shared with you that I began to ask myself the powerful questions:

What am I doing with myself and my work?

How do I want to show up?

Is there any place I’m hiding?

Where can I be more real? More raw? More true?

Being me, I undertook a intensive review of these questions and coached myself like a pro.

And in the course of my investigation, I got all up in my own business around an idea I’d had last spring and hadn’t really moved on.

See, it was a big idea, and at the time I came up with it I had a vision of how it needed to be delivered. But, technology wasn’t my friend and that approach had to be scuttled.

Then, I sat on it.

For a while.

Then, picked it back up and considered a new approach.

Which fizzled.

Then, I lost interest.

Or, maybe it just got too complicated.

Or, maybe I was afraid of putting this big idea out there.

But when I asked myself: “What am I doing with myself and my work?”, I knew I had to get this project going.

Then a friend asked me – when I was complaining about some minuscule vexation: “If it was you in hospice, what would you want people to know?”

It’s made up of fourteen webinars on subjects I know inside and out. Fourteen subjects you need to know about to be successful today. Subjects like how to build a network, what to do when you’re stuck, managing toxic work situations, reducing stress and many more.

With each class you’ll get access to the live webinar, a recording of the class, a transcript and worksheets.

It feels big to me. Sort of a legacy piece.

[Taking a deep breath and letting it out slow.]

Take a class or two – the first one on networking is available to all with no charge – and maybe, just maybe, you’ll learn something that will make a difference in your life and work.

I have Ted Koppel Hair today, the result of new hair product plus a cavalier attitude toward Finding A Part.

For those who are misty on Ted Koppel Hair, let me remind you:

Imagine how especially delightful my hair looked after I jammed a wool beanie on my head to make a grocery store run. I had Ted Koppel Hat Head!

It was possibly the worst hair day of my entire life (excepting 1986-1989, which were the years I’d like to forget, hair-wise) and know what?

It didn’t stop me.

Didn’t stop me from doing what needed to be done, and doing what I wanted to do.

Didn’t cause me to throw the world’s largest pity party. Nor did it cause me to venture into self-hatred.

Nope. I have Ted Koppel Hair and…I am writing about it.

Because, as we discussed last time, isn’t it time we all get real and raw?

Think of all the things you may have missed in your life because your hair looked (to you) stupid, or you felt you didn’t have the right clothes, or you had that zit on the very tip of your nose, or you couldn’t shave, or you had that cast, or you needed to lose thirty pounds, or a million other excuses.

The plain fact of the matter is – you missed stuff.

People, places, experiences that you just can’t get back.

Moments in time that are now lost.

Self-imposed limits that kept you from doing a thing – a thing that could have been big and made a big difference in your life.

Missing out is no fun.

So, today, and every day, go boldly. Get out there despite your hair or your clothes or your complexion or your weight. Go out in the world, connect, be real and raw.

Go out there and be you.

The only person on the planet who can rock Ted Koppel Hair is…Ted Koppel.

There are some voices out there who tell you that the way to get ahead is to calculate every move you make – life is all one big game – and you do whatever you have to do to win.

Every move is transactional.

Every gesture is intentional.

Every social media post is congruent with your short term/long term goals.

Every single thing you do is thought out and supportive of your “personal brand” – the brand that’s going to get you to the top, only to the top, and keep you there.

It’s all calculation, positioning, appearance, working the angles.

Yep, and then…

Then we have a fast-moving crosscurrent of people who are waking up to say, “I’ve had it with fake.”

These are people who are looking for authenticity. Demanding it, even.

They want it in politics, they want it in relationships, they want it in leaders, they want it in communities.

They want real. They are okay with raw.

They just want what’s true.

A week ago, I was in Atlanta with my dear sister-by-choice Dr. Laurie Foley who moved into hospice care after it became clear that there was no more treatment for her ovarian cancer. Laurie is a PhD computer scientist who later became a transformative coach, speaker and writer. As I sat in her hospice room and we talked (and talked and talked), a realization bloomed in my heart and mind.

Here, at what is most definitely the end of her life, Laurie had no time for triviality. She only wanted to talk about things that are real. Things that are, at times, raw – but things that need to be said.

Folks, I learned that there is no pussyfooting around in hospice – because who’s got the time? You want strawberry ice cream? You ask for it, clearly and insistently if you must. You want to talk with someone on the phone? You ring them up. You need to say who you want to see and who you don’t? You say it.

It’s real. It’s raw. And it’s very, very true.

Since Laurie’s entry into hospice, social media – Facebook in particular – has blown up. People are posting recollections of hearing her speak, or being coached by her. On a whim, I suggested people write “LaFo” (my witty JLo-esque nickname for my friend) on their forearm to show their love for her, and now thousands of people have done so and are posting pictures of their LaFo art. There’s a moving video, a powerful speech by her, and loving reminiscences everywhere. A fabulous artist has even made a coloring book page celebrating LaFo.

It’s as if, here at the end of her life, Laurie’s impact has never been more powerfully felt.

At nearly the same time that Laurie moved into hospice, our dear friend, the writer Patti Digh, had a heart attack. She wrote brilliantly about it on her blog, and that piece was picked up by the Huffington Post where it’s gone viral. See, Patti was told her heart attack symptoms were simply anxiety. When, in reality, she had a 90 percent blockage in a key artery. The piece she wrote – the one that Arianna Huffington read and directed be posted – it’s real. It’s raw. It’s true. You can read it here. Her follow-up piece was as beautiful a piece of writing as I’ve ever seen her do. Read that one here.

This confluence of events has been, as you can imagine, like a strong dose of smelling salts to me.

I’m asking: What am I doing with myself and my work?

How do I want to show up?

Is there any place I’m hiding?

Where can I be more real? More raw? More true?

Tough questions, but important ones – and I’m going to keep asking them of myself until I’m totally satisfied with my answers.

I’m going to be more real. More raw. More myself.

Because if I’ve learned anything in the last ten days, it’s this: There is no more time for pussyfooting around.