Real advice from real people

“I want to break up with him, but he pays my bills”

My boyfriend and I have been dating for three years now. We took a break a few months ago and I started seeing someone else. I fell in love with the other guy, we had the same goals but the other guy just wasn’t stable. He did drugs and was unemployed, but we clicked.

I got back with my boyfriend and the other guy was devastated, and honestly I was too, but I also loved my boyfriend a lot and the plan was always to just be a break. Anyways, a few months have passed and I just don’t feel the same way about my boyfriend anymore. I still love him a lot and the thought of not being with him hurts like hell, but I can’t be intimate with him without thinking about the other guy.

I feel so guilty, and I know I should probably break up with him, but he pays most of my bills and I’m working part time so I can finish school. Without my boyfriend, I wouldn’t be able to work things out financially. I don’t want to keep delaying this break up… but I don’t know what else to do.

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3 thoughts on ““I want to break up with him, but he pays my bills””

Get another job and work your butt off to be independent. If you need to move in with family or get a roommate to help pay the bills. Break up with him and don’t go back to the guy who is on drugs. You need time to heal and learn to be single happily. You’re never going to be happy depending on someone else to do that for you. Neither of these people are right for you. There are over 4 billion people on this earth. I’m sure there’s someone right for you. Next relationship BEFORE YOU MOVE IN WITH SOMEONE:

Articulate at least one reason besides convenience and finances to move in together.
Save enough money for three months’ rent (security in event of a breakup).
Reach an agreement on how rent/mortgage and household expenses will be split.
Discuss your financial situations in detail.
Be in agreement about potential future steps in your relationship, like marriage and kids, and when you’d like for those to happen.
Discuss how household chores will be divvied up.
Clean out your closets and get rid of all the crap you no longer want or need.
Celebrate a one-year anniversary together.
Go on a trip together.
Introduce your pets.
Decide whose furniture you’re keeping.
Pick out some new sheets and bedding that complements both your tastes.
Have an exit strategy (Who keeps the apartment in the event of a breakup? Will the person moving out find a new roommate for the person staying? What about the deposit on the apartment? Etc., etc.).

Someone once told me that your situation might be the best place for you to stay ‘for now.’ Nothing is saying that this is a permanent thing. It is temporary and is a nice steady place for you to be to focus on school.