A blog written in the dead of night and delivered to you in a brown paper bag. It’s a cornucopia of tidbits, rants, and observations for the discerning eye. Good luck with all that. Now, for something completely different!

There have been many ways and ideas to honor past Presidents when there terms are over. A reward of sorts for what we think of their service to the nation. If a San Francisco group has its way, there could be the George W. Bush Sewage Plant, according to The New York Times. A group called the Presidential Memorial Commission of San Francisco has been collecting signatures to rename the Oceanside Water Pollution Control Plant after Bush upon his exit from office next year. This must be a reflection of Bush’s staunch environmental stands. The plan, conceived in a bar, not much of a surprise there, would place a vote on the November ballot to offer “an appropriate honor for a truly unique president,” the group told the Times. Supporters said that they have enough signatures to qualify the measure. It probably only took about an hour. Surely an idea of this quality can’t fail. Whether it is successful or not, the group wants supporters to participate in a “synchronized flush” when the new president is inaugurated on Jan. 20 to send a flood of water toward the plant. Wash away the old, bring in the new.

MAN ARRESTED AT NORTH POLE FOR DRIVING LAWNMOWER DRUNK

I’m not sure how this happens since I didn’t know they had lawns that far north, but in North Pole, Alaska, Wyatt Lewis has been arrested for driving a lawnmower drunk. Alaskan State Troopers received a call early on Sunday complaining of an intoxicated man driving a mower. When they tried to stop him, he led them on a low-speed chase. The chase lasted about 61 metres and reached speeds of up to 5 mph before a trooper got out of a cruiser and told the man to stop. I’m betting that was a tough arrest. They said Wyatt Lewis’s blood-alcohol content was 0.18 per cent, more than twice the legal limit of 0.08 per cent. There’s nothing like drinking and lawnmowing. Is there really grass up there? I thought it was all tundra or something…perpetual ice and snow. Why does someone even own a lawnmower? Driving a lawnmower while drunk qualifies for a driving under the influence charge in the US. Lewis was also charged with failure to stop at the direction of a peace officer. He allegedly led them on a pursuit that covered several lawns. Maybe he was trying to be nice and give his neighbors’ lawns a trim too. Apparently, trying to outrun a cop on a lawnmower is illegal too. Don’t Drink and mow.

OBAMA PICKS UP DIETY ENDORSEMENT

Politicians like to get endorsements from influential figures, but the gods themselves? A dozen priests have been chanting around a sacred fire in New Dehli as a group of Indians offered prayers to the Hindu monkey god Hanuman to grant victory to Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama. Isn’t this the same God we reported on a couple of weeks ago that the made the head of a college? Apparently he’s getting around. Several dozen people attended the prayers held at a Hanuman temple saying they believed an Obama victory would bring positive change around the world. This takes getting religion on your side to a whole new level. Local businessman Brij Mohan Bhama, who organised the event, said a victory would be good for India and the rest of world “because he stands for change” and would help stem growing “price rises, poverty and terrorism.” “We have heard that he carries a small monkey charm in his pocket. So he is a devotee of Hanuman. That’s why we want to present him with this idol,” he said. Well Barack, now that you’ve got the Monkey God in your corner, what’s next, walking on bananas?

COP TURNS OUT TO BE PRETENDER

In the town of Gerald, Missouri a police officer was hired that really wasn’t a cop. Bill Jakob, had a badge and a gun, and he told officials he had previously worked as an anti-drug agent in Illinois. He even drove a fully equipped Ford Crown Victoria, which he said was for undercover work. Guess what? He was lying. The 36-year-old man was an unemployed truck driver with a criminal record and had recently filed for bankruptcy. Oops. Big Oops. So big that now the Gerald police force is in deep doo doo. Now this village is confronting allegations that Jakob and other officers mistreated and robbed many of the people they arrested. At least 17 people have sued, and Jakob is in jail awaiting charges. At least he’s off the street now. Doesn’t this mean that everyone he arrested and were convicted had a mistrial.Complaints about Jakob’s rough treatment of suspects led a reporter from the Gasconade County Republican newspaper to ask the sheriff about the new officer. That’s when they discovered he was an imposter. Gerald Mayor Otis Schulte defended Jakob’s hiring, saying: “He had credentials. He had a badge. He had a phone number to call for verification. I don’t know what else we could have done.” Don’t they do background checks? Maybe a little peek into their own database. You’d think that criminal record might have popped up. It would have saved them lots of grief.

PAINTING LEFT A GOODWILL STORE SELLS FOR BIG MONEY

Somtimes it pays to look through those thrift stores. You never know what might turn up. The Parisian street scene, what was thought to be a piece of junk art, left at a store in Maryland last March along with daily donations of pots, pans, old clock radios and other items, turned out to be a work by Edouard-Leon Cortes, probably from the early 20th century. In other words, a serious collector’s item, a museum piece. The painting, called “Marche aux fleurs” or “Flower Market,” was sold for $40,600 at a Sotheby’s auction a few weeks ago. I guess they missed that one on the Antiques Roadshow. “It could have very easily ended up put in a pile, marked for $20,” says Ursula Villar, marketing and development director for Goodwill Industries of the Chesapeake Inc. Store manager Terri Tonelli said employees asked her to look at the donated painting because they suspected it was valuable. She found the artist’s name on Google and discovered that Cortes was a notable French Impressionist whose work had sold at auction for prices near $60,000. You gotta love google. If the owner of the painting wants the money, too bad. You blew it. Goodwill says it doesn’t keep track of donors. Donations, meanwhile, are gifts that are considered legal and final transactions. Look at the bright side, it went to a good cause. It pays to pay attention to what you’re throwing away.

Well, the Democratic Party may actually be beginning to find itself on the same page. In an announcement today, Bill Clinton’s people communicated to Obama’s people that he might be willing to help where he can to get Obama elected. Obama and Hillary Clinton are to appear thi weekend in New Hampshire for the beginning of a series of appearances which will be akin to the Barack and Hillary roadshow. Actually this may be a glimpse into the future if Obama is smart enough to choose Hillary Rodham Clinton as his running mate. But then again, I don’t think smart is how would term anything about all of the campaigns so far. Though the Democrats seem to have the upper hand, it’s stil a long way to November. It is not certain when the former president will join the tour, but hopefully he will bring his saxaphone a long for some light entertainment. It could become a YouTube hit. Obama spokesman Bill Burton said the 42nd president came up in a phone call between Obama and Hillary Clinton on Sunday. They talked about how Obama should connect with Bill Clinton in the future, Burton said. Bill Clinton extended his support to Obama for the first time Tuesday in a one-sentence statement from spokesman Matt McKenna. “President Clinton is obviously committed to doing whatever he can and is asked to do to ensure Senator Obama is the next president of the United States,” McKenna said.It’s not clear what Obama might ask him to do. The campaign wasn’t specific when asked. “A unified Democratic Party is going to be a powerful force for change this year and we’re confident President Clinton will play a big role in that,” was all Burton would say. Of course not everything is all rosie and happy. Obama’s wife has some pretty strong feelings about the former president. Michelle said of the former president in an interview with The New Yorker magazine, “I want to rip his eyes out!” before adding, “Kidding!” That’s rather strong for a joke. As you can see this team-up for Barackapalooza should be about as entertaining as putting Courtney Love and Amy Winehouse in the same room and telling them there’s no booze. It just doesn’t work. The in-fighting between these four will be hard to forget and I really don’t believe that it’s water under the bridge. In public all smiles, backstage Fleetwood Mac. We’ll see how long this lasts.

KIDS PROTEST GAS PRICES, SET EXAMPLE FOR ADULTS

Everybody is complaining, but nobody is doing anything about it. Gas Prices are too high. So are you just going to take it lying down? Sadie and Pyper Vance from Salt Lake City, Utah have had just about enough of high gas prices. The sisters are still years away from being old enough to drive, but that doesn’t mean the $4 per gallon price tag isn’t hitting them as hard as anyone else. Cable TV was one of the family’s budget-cutting casualties, leaving Sadie, 9, and her 7-year-old sister without their favorite cartoons and shows. Ouch, no cable. Well they didn’t take it lying down like everyone else has. No, they decided to protest. “Gas prices are too high,” Sadie said. “I just decided to come and protest so they’d go down.” That’s the American way. The girls marched through downtown Monday chanting and carrying signs made from old campaign signs. “All of my mom’s monny goes to the gas tank!” Pyper’s sign read. Sadie carried a sign asking drivers to honk to lower gas prices — adding that her mom had to cut “cabel.” They received some shows of support, but no one actually joined in which I think is a no brainer. “I think it’s great,” said Hamid Tayeb, who was walking past on his lunch break. “It’s unfortunate that kids are doing it before we do.” Yea, I do too. Where’s your sign? Where’s your protest? We could all learn a thing or two from these kids.

HORRIBLE TRAGEDY IN MUNICH

I am officially in mourning. I will be wearing black for the next week. A terrible tragedy occurred in Munich, Germany, a load of beer crashed on the highway creating a small beer lake. I’ve lowered my flag to half-mast. I mean we’re talking 200 crates! German beer, this isn’t Bud Light here. Munich police say the truck was transporting the beer from the Bavarian capital to a neighboring town Monday evening when siding on the truck’s trailers broke. I think the driver should be prosecuted for alcohol abuse. He didn’t take proper precautions to protect this precious shipment. The brewery suffered losses of some 10,000 Euro in the beer tragedy. Bottles crashed onto the highway flooding it with foamy wheat beer and disrupting traffic for 90 minutes. My hands are shaking, I can’t write about it any more. There may even be tears.

GOD BUSTED SELLING DRUGS NEAR CHURCH

It’s a sad day, God has been busted selling cocaine near a church in Tampa, Florida. It appears he may be spending quite a stint in jail. God Lucky Howard was taken into custody Saturday after police said he sold cocaine to undercover detectives within 1,000 feet of a church. God’s luck ran out. He’ll be the one praying now. Police also reported finding another 22 grams of cocaine and a scale at his home. Praying hard. Howard was charged with several counts of possession and distribution within 1,000 feet of a school, public housing and the church. God Not-so- Lucky Howard is being held on a bond of $86,500. Get your friends to pass the collection plate. In case you were wondering, a picture of God is below.

SHAQUILLE O’NEAL TEARS KOBE BRYANT UP IN A NIGHTCLUB RAP

I don’t know which one is worse Shaq or Kobe. Their arrogance is incredible. This video shot over the weekend has Shaq rapping and asking Kobe how his ass tastes. Great. This is just what we need from our star athletes. It appears from the video that Kobe gave Shaq a hard time in LA and was intrumental in his leaving. Like we didn’t know that. Well Shaq has taken glee in Kobe and the Lakers’ self destruction and lets the world know in the rap below. “I was freestyling. That’s all. It was all done in fun. Nothing serious whatsoever,” O’Neal told ESPN.com Monday. A call to the Suns on Tuesday seeking comment from O’Neal was referred to his public relations firm, which didn’t immediately respond.

Hillary Clinton made a guest appearance this weekend at a high school graduation. It appears she is a woman of her word. Clinton said she had known Aleatha “and her wonderful mother, Patricia,” since the girl was 2 and had promised her when she graduated from eighth grade that she would attend her high school graduation. Well, unlike many politicians, she kept her promise and her word. “Four years later, here I am with all of you,” Clinton said. The girl, Aleatha Williams, a campaign volunteer and the daughter of a supporter, introduced the senator to fellow graduates from Pelham Preparatory Academy in the Bronx as “my aunt.” Auntie Hillary, sort of has a ring to it. “No one five years ago, no one four years ago, when I attended Aleatha’s graduation lunch, could have predicted that an African-American and a woman would have been competing for the presidency of the United States in 2008,” Clinton said. Schools Chancellor Joel Klein, who attended the school’s commencement ceremony at nearby Fordham University, said students should always remember that an American hero spoke at their graduation. “She changed America’s view of women,” Klein said. “Someday soon, very soon in America, we will have a woman as president. And you know what that woman will say? ‘I would not be here had it not been for Hillary Rodham Clinton.”‘

MAN IS ARRESTED FOR DRUNK WHEELCHAIR DRIVING

I didn’t know you could get busted for driving a wheel chair drunk, but apparently they fall under the motorized vehicle laws. In Australia a handicapper had been buzzing down the street drunk. He apparently passed out in the turn lane when police came along. Since it wasn’t a handicapped parking spot, he was taken downtown and charged. Police in the tropical northern Queensland city of Cairns said the man had a blood alcohol reading of 0.31, and was so drunk he was asleep at the controls of his motorized wheelchair in a turning lane of a major highway. “It beggars belief,” Police Inspector Bob Walters told the Cairns Post newspaper, adding wheelchairs, bicycles, horses and skateboards were all considered to be vehicles under the local road laws. “It’s unlawful, it is unacceptable and people should realize it could lead to a fatality,” he said. Other motorists on the four-lane highway had to swerve to avoid the wheelchair, police said. Well, next time, stay on the sidewalk.

WOMAN FOUND AFTER 42 YEARS WATCHING TV

You know how neighbors say, “They were such quiet people.” Well it’s really true in this case. Hedviga Golik, who was born in 1924, had apparently made herself a cup of tea before sitting in her favourite armchair in front of her black and white television. That was in 1966 and she was 42. The neighbors reported her missing then and thought she had moved away to live with relatives. She was discovered by police in the Croatian capital of Zagreb, long-dead and sitting in her armchair in front of her black-and-white television 42 years later! You’d think sombody would have at least noticed an odor. A police spokesman said: “So far, we have no idea how it is possible that someone officially reported missing so long ago was not found before in the same apartment she used to live in. When officers went there, they said it was like stepping into a place frozen in time. The cup she had been drinking tea from was still on a table next to the chair she had been sitting in and the house was full of things no one had seen for decades. Nothing had been disturbed for decades, even though there were more than a few cobwebs in there.” No one said if the TV was still on. Weren’t there bills piling up or something? A neighbor, fittingly, remembered Golik as “a quiet woman who kept herself to herself.” Yea, quiet, too quiet.

HELP! HELP! CALL IRONMAN, THE INCREDIBLE HULK IS MISSING

The Hulk has been kidnapped! Call Ironman, Spiderman, the Punisher, locate the Hulk. Police in Lowell, Massachusetts, say a promotional statue for the movie The Incredible Hulk disappeared from its spot in front of a local theater this week. Police Capt. James McPadden says the statue is probably in some kid’s bedroom. There’s brilliant detective work. It’ll probably be on Ebay soon. But he thinks more than one person was involved and that a car or pickup truck was needed to whisk it away. The statue is missing its feet because it was bolted to a platform and whoever took it snapped it off at the ankles. Oh, no, they broke the Hulk. Hmmm, Hulk smashed.

GEORGE CARLIN PASSES AWAY

The world has lost another great soul. George Carlin passed away at age 71. Of course he is one of my personal favorite comedians and I remember him all the way back when he first appeared doing his Hippy Dippy Weatherman routine in the 60’s on TV. Below I’ve posted some of his best routines to remember the moments I know he would want us to remember at his funniest. George’s perspectives on life and the world around us gave us a different way to look at things. Thanks for the laughs George.

Apparently these two weren’t receiving enough attention lately. So, to rectify that oversight, Paula Jones and Gennifer Flowers have teamed up for their own website. On it you can watch them relate tales of illicite experiences the two had with Bill Clinton and it’s only for the low low price of $1.99 a pop. I guess they just wanted to have their own Pay-per-view. Yes it seems the two are broke as well. Since they haven’t had any tabloid attention in years it seems their flash in the pan celebrity status has dried up. The two were out in front of the Clinton Presidential library Monday hucking their site. “It’s a way we can get our story out there in our own words, without someone making their own interpretations or corrections,” Jones said. In other words, you can lie your ass off and not get caught by some savvy newperson has actually done their homework. Yea, I can see where that presents problems. Well, it’s always amusing to watch has beens try to recapture glory days.

ROMANIAN JET FIGHTER COLLIDES WITH UFO

A report that has been recently leaked shows that a Romanian jet fighter had a collision with a UFO. Chief investigator Commander Nicolae Grigorie said in the report: ‘We can definitely say what this thing was not, but we cannot say what it was.’ Romanian defence ministry officials have ruled out all normal types of collision such as birdstrikes, ice or small meteorites. Pilot Marin Mitrica was slightly injured but managed to land the plane safely after the incident last year. According to the report, the cockpit was completely shattered during a training flight over Transylvania and it was recorded on an inflight video. I’m sure we’ll never get to see that one. Transylvania, I wonder if they were bats, or maybe a vampire returning home. You need to give those creatures of the night lots of airspace.

SEX IN THE CONFESSIONAL.

People have made love in a lot of strange places but this one just about takes the prize. In Cesena, Italy a couple were caught having sex in a confessional box while mass was going on. They say those Italians are hot-blooded. The couple’s lawyer says they had been drinking too much and had gone too far. That demon alcohol will get you every time. Although I have to admit I’ve never heard that little devil on my shoulder whispering “Have sex in the confessional, go ahead, I know you want to.” It haas been reported that the couple have repented and asked forgiveness. They’re going to be “Hail Mary”ing for awhile on that one. Last week the bishop celebrated a “Mass of reparation” in the cathedral where the confessional box incident took place to make up for the sacrilege. Hopefully they also celebrated a good hosing down with a lot of disinfectant.

MAN SHOT IN HEAD WITH NAIL GUN

George Chandler of Shawnee, Kansas was outside working on a project when the cord for his nail gun got tangled. It accidentally went off and a nail was shot into his head. “It never did really what you call hurt,” the Shawnee man said Wednesday. He says he only felt a little sting. Chandler said his friend Phil Kern was using a nail gun to mount lattice on Chandler’s deck when a hose on the powerful tool became caught. He stood up just as Kern tried to free the gun and it discharged. At first, they couldn’t locate the nail. But then Kern saw it, he ordered Chandler to sit down while he called 911. Dude, look where you’re pointing that thing. An emergency room doctor tried unsuccessfully to remove the nail with a pair of pliers.”He looked at me and said, ‘I need a claw hammer,'” Chandler recalled. “I thought, ‘Ah, he’s just teasing.'”So the doctor borrowed a claw hammer from a worker to finish the job and sent Chandler home with a few stitches. “He got a screwdriver at the same time, and he took the screwdriver and pried the nail up a little bit and got the claw hammer,” Chandler said. You know, maybe taking some off classes like carpentry for your medical degree can come in handy. The doctor was probably a fan of “This Old House.” It brings to mind the old axiom, “If all else fails, get a bigger hammer.”

HOLLYWOOD WALK OF FAME STAR FOR AN APE?

You bet. Cheeta the famous movie chimp deserves a star. I know I was entertained for endless hours watching those Tarzan movies with the antics of Cheeta taking center stage. There were times he upstaged the actors. Believe it or not, the 76-year-old chimp, who the Guinness World Records has called the oldest living, non-human primate, is retired and lives in Palm Springs. Cheeta also has a MySpace page, which lists painting “Ape-Stract Art” among his hobbies, and The Monkees his favorite band. Now there is a petiton going around to get him a star on the Walk of Fame. Actually, this is the seventh attempt at it. Other animal stars like Lassie and Rin Tin Tin are there. Heck even Godzilla and Donald Duck are there and they aren’t even real. Cheeta has certainly paid his dues and deserves this coveted recognition. Heck I say why stop there, lifetime achievement award from the Academy. Go here to help correct this sad error and give some love to Cheeta. http://www.ipetitions.com/petition/GoCheeta/ He’s been waiting a long time for this. Let’s not disappoint him.

This is one of those stories you can’t make up. Robert Downey Jr. claims to have been convinced to get straight by a bad burger experience at Burger King. In an interview with Britain’s Empire magazine, the 43-year-old actor recounts an incident in 2003 when he was driving around with “tons of f—ing dope” when he decided it was time for a burger. “I have to thank Burger King,” he told Empire. “It was such a disgusting burger I ordered. I had that, and this big soda, and I thought something really bad was going to happen.” After the bad burger experience, he said he tossed all of his drugs into the ocean and decided to sober up for good. I have to admit, I’ve had some pretty bad burgers at Burger King but I have yet to experience the epiphany burger. I wonder what they put on one of those. Apparently he got a combo with his. Burger King’s new Epiphany burger helping people with their lives and indigestion. Don’t forget the Tums.

ANTARCTIC RECEIVES 16,500 CONDOMS

It seems we’ve been missing out. It appears that when the sun goes down in the antarctic, the fun begins. Bill Henriksen, the manager of the McMurdo base station, said nearly 16,500 condoms were delivered last month and would be made available, free of charge, to staff throughout the year to avoid the potential embarrassment of having to buy them. Party on! Hats off folks. The base only has a skeleton staff through the winter but what a staff. “Since everybody knows everyone, it becomes a little bit uncomfortable,” Henriksen said. Frigid here doesn’t seem to be a problem. Sunrise starts again in late august and then supply flight resume and tourism picks up. Let’s see, 3 months, endless nightlife,16,500 condoms, that says orgy to me. I wonder what kind of cocktails they have down there. It may be cold and snowy down there, but they’ve obviously found something to occupy themselves. Put me down for a visit. Artic Researchers Gone Wild, it could be the next big thing. Where’s my video camera?

MAN FIGHTS TO KEEP OUTHOUSE – WINS

In Batavia, Ohio, Elbert Preston, everybody calls him Lew, refused to give up having an outhouse. It seems that his old one was violating a few health codes and the powers that be wanted it gone. Well, Lew wasn’t going to stand, or sit for that. A former trustee for Washington Township, he challenged the board of health for months before seeking help from People Working Cooperatively, a nonprofit that has done thousands of projects for low-income, elderly and disabled residents in southern Ohio and northern Kentucky. They built him a new outhouse, one that was up to codes. “It’s too nice and complicated to be an outhouse,” Lew said. “I call it a privy.” Preston, who is slowed by diabetes and has colon problems and pacemaker, said he never saw the need to replace the old outhouse, which once was picked up and carried into his garden by a tornado without major damage. He said he has used an outside toilet since settling in Washington Township 40 years ago and likes the privacy of a privy. “When you’re in a house, sounds carry, Everybody knows your business.” I’m guessing we won’t be seeing any high tech from this guy.

PIGEON ENTERS REHAB

Al Coury of Wanamaker, Indiana races pigeons. He sent several of them to Montgomery, Alabama to be released for a race which uses the birds instincts to race back home. First pigeons to their home loft wins the race. Well, one of his birds decided enough of this bird crap and decided he’d had enough. He found a nice hospital courtyard and checked himself in for some RandR. The pigeon went about making friends with the patients of the Meadows Hospital and even sat in on some group sessions held in the courtyard. The avian athelete, now dubbed Miss Pigeon had a band on its leg with Coury’s phone number on it and he was contacted. He told them to feed the bird unpopped popcorn and then went to reclaim the wayaward creature. There is no word on what the bill for the bird’s recovery will be. Do professional homing pigeons get health care?

METEORITE SHAPED LIKED MIGHIGAN GETS $20,000

A 75 pound meteorite shaped like Michigan’s lower peninsula fetched $20,000 at an auction in Dallas, Texas. The owner Darryl Pitt was disapointed. He felt it Should have gone for $50,000. Well times are hard Darryl and of course it’s no corn flake. A recent fiasco over an Illinois shaped cornflake fetching bids that neared $250,000 at one point was on Ebay. Maybe that was the problem, it wasn’t on Ebay. Darryl felt his meteor should rival one that sold not long ago that was shaped like the Indian subcontinent. That one went for $90,000, but it also weighed three-quarters of a ton. I guess in this case, size really does matter. Look at it this way, you sold a piece of space junk for 20 grand. You’re lucky you got that much.

TELESCOPE MADE FROM MOONDUST

Peter Chen, a NASA scientist feels he has found a practical way to build a telescope on the moon. Why we need one I haven’t quite figured out yet, but he thinks he can do it anyway. He wants to make it from moon dust. He has been experimenting with moon dust-like particles and has been able to creat a small example to show everyone he can do this. Of course we’re not talking real moondust and this may prove better in theory than practice. “We believe we have found a way to turn moon dust into a telescope,” said Peter Chen, with NASA’s Goddard Space Flight Center in Greenbelt, Maryland. The process require combining nanotubes, small carbon fibers, and crushed rock that simulates moondust. Actually it sounds like he was making mudpies to me. “First we had something very gooey and smelly,” Chen told reporters at the American Astronomical Society meeting last week. “Then we had this very hard, very stable material like concrete.” Yep, mud pies. OK, adobe. The latin Americans discovered that a long time ago. Chen feels his process can create a structure and the entire telescope system. Isn’t this really redundant? With Hubble working so well, why do we need one on the moon. But then again, we just spent billions to find salt on Mars, I guess we might as well spend a few billion more to make some mudpies on the moon. The real problem is there’s way too much grant money floating around for projects like this.

Certainly this was inevitable but, I have to admit, I’m going to miss her, though I don’t believe for a minute she’s out of the picture completely. She has made a statement that she will concede the nomination to Barack Obama on Saturday. She also is saying that she will continue to support the Democratic Party. The way they’ve treated her, I think she’s being quite magnanimous. She has proven over the last few weeks especially, that she is an incredibly gutsy lady. The press has villified her and nominated Barack Obama for sainthood. It is the same with the Democratic Party which blatantly stacked the deck against her. It was certainly a sad way to operate. I’ve never been a political supporter of Hillary, but I have grown to admire her. In the last few weeks she became more “real” and down to earth than we’ve seen in a candidate in a long time. I think no matter which way this election goes now, the American public loses.

Young College Hillary

Starbucks Hillary

Photobooth Hillary

Relaxed Hillary

Hippy Hillary

BASEBALL FAN GETS FREE FUNERAL

I’m not sure I’d be all that thrilled by winning this. Elaine Fulps is thrilled about the prize she won at a minor league baseball game. But she’s hoping she doesn’t have to collect on it anytime soon. Fulps, 60, won a $10,000 paid funeral at Tuesday night’s Grand Prairie AirHogs game. “I’m going to pick a spot under a tree out of the Texas heat,” she said. “And let’s hope it’s a pet-free cemetery. I don’t want to get watered on.” At least she has plans. Some finalists for the prize arrived dressed in black or looking like death. There were events for the finalists too. They participated in a pallbearer’s race, a mummy wrap and a eulogy delivery. These are certainly strange events for a baseball game. I think the Texas heat has gotten to the management. I have no idea who won the game or who the Airhogs were playing. It seems that the game just passed on.

STUDY ON THE LONGEVITY OF A FLY

I don’t know who’s idea this was but in Switzerland, at the University of Laussane, a study was done that proves the stupider flies are, the longer they live. Scientists Tadeusz Kawecki and Joep Burger said Wednesday they had discovered a “negative correlation between an improvement in a fly’s mental capacity and its longevity”. Why would you want to know this? Do we want more intelligent flies? These two actually took the time to breed 30 to 40 generations of flies and then tried to train them to be smarter. They succeeded, but the downside was that the flies had a shorter lifespan. The flipside was that the flies left in their natural state lived longer on average than their IQ enhanced counterparts, with a lifespan of 80-85 days rather than the normal 50-60. How much money and time was spent on this? Sombody needs to tell me why this was important.

DID YOU EVER LOSE A LIGHTHOUSE?

A lighthouse from Wellfleet, Massachussetts has been discovered in California. Formerly it was believed it had been torn down but now documents have been uncovered which proves that it was moved from the east coast to the west coast. The strange story was uncovered by Colleen MacNeney and then reported in Lighthouse Digest. She says it was her most exciting discovery. MacNeney says she discovered correspondence that proved the lighthouse, first erected in 1881, had been moved by the Coast Guard from Wellfleet to Yerba Buena, Calif., and eventually to Point Montara. Lost lighthouse found. It isn’t known how the 30ft. lighthouse was transported across country but it is speculated that in 1925 when it was suppossedly destroyed, the all metal structure had its bolts removed and was loaded up on a train. Hence the trip to California. California here I come. Go west young lighthouse, go west. The lighthouse is still in use and doubles as a hostel.

MAN’S TUMOR IS A TOWEL

A Japanese man checked into a hospital to have a tumour removed from his stomach. When examinations found what was believed to be an eight-centimetre (3.2-inch) tumour, he underwent the operation to remove it. It was only then that surgeons realised it was a towel. “The towel was greenish blue although we are not sure about its original colour,” the Asahi General Hospital spokesman said, adding it had been crumpled to the size of a softball. The patient had been carrying the cloth since 1983, when surgeons at the Asahi General Hospital in Chiba prefecture near Tokyo left it in him after an operation to treat an ulcer. I’m staying away from that hospital. That’s a little too careless for me. The man says he has no intention of sueing for the error. I don’t think I would be that understanding. No wonder the Prilosec wasn’t working.

AWESOME!
This is one of the most breathtaking videos I’ve ever seen. This was filmed in Kansas and now you know how Dorothy made it to OZ.

Just because I’m paranoid doen’t mean there isn’t a conspiracy. Fox Mulder isn’t the only one seeing conspiracies. Former President Bill Clinton, campaigning for his wife in South Dakota, said Sunday that she was the victim of a conspiracy. He said some were trying to “cover up” Hillary Clinton’s chances of winning in key states that Democrats will have to win in the general election. “I can’t believe it. It is just frantic the way they are trying to push and pressure and bully all these superdelegates to come out,” Clinton said. ” ‘Oh, this is so terrible: The people they want her. Oh, this is so terrible: She is winning the general election, and he is not. Oh my goodness, we have to cover this up.’ She is winning the general election today and he is not, according to all the evidence,” Clinton said. “And I have never seen anything like it. I have never seen a candidate treated so disrespectfully just for running. Her only position was, ‘Look, if I lose I’ll be a good team player. We will all try to win, but let’s let everybody vote, and count every vote,’ ” Well, certainly he is correct about one thing. Let’s count all the votes. As a nation we definately learned how just a couple fo votes meant everything in Florida. We all remember “hanging chads.” The results of that election proves our election system needs to be looked at and overhauled. For a country that is suppossed to set examples for the democratic process, we haven’t been doing too well in the last few years. We the people have a right to have our say and the Clintons are correct in this. Is there a conspiracy? Anything is possible in politics and there seems to be an awful hard push to make sure Obama IS the democratic candidate. I’m certain the Republicans would like to see him instead of Hillary Clinton. All they have to do is point at his inexperience and McCain is the winner. Obama hasn’t even sat in his Senate chair long enough to get it warm. There’s a reason they call him “Junior” Senator. The important thing here is fairness. As the Clintons ask, count ALL the votes. If Obama wins fair and square, fine, if Clinton wins fair and square, fine. The important thing is getting back to Democracy and everyone having their voice and vote. This country has had enough controversy over the elections of its leaders. Is there a conspiracy? Let’s hope not, because that means someone else is deciding for us, fixing our elections and taking away our right to vote for whom we want. That’s not democracy.

CHEEZY CONTEST IN ENGLAND INJURES 19

This is probably the cheesiest thing you’ll read in this blog. I know I shouldn’t make those kinds of statements, but I suspect it’s true. OK, picture this. A really steep hill, a large collection of people with no common sense, and a race to catch a rolling, runaway, cheese wheel that rolls down the slope, then it rains. That’s what goes on annually at Cooper’s Hill In Gloucester, England. This year it was attended by more than 3,000 spectators and over 30 first aid volunteers. A 19-year-old, Christopher Anderson, won the first race but was carried from the hill on a spinal board after tumbling past the finish line head over heels, hurting his back in the process. Hmm. I wonder how that could have happened. “The conditions were horrific, you just have to get your head down and hope for the best,” said his friend, Shane Beard. “Chris went absolutely flying. He is completely fearless but I hope he hasn’t hurt himself.” Oh, and don’t worry, the women can get in on this too, proving that they can be just as dumb as the guys. A 17-year-old student, Flo Early, won the women’s race and got to keep the wheel of Double Gloucester cheese. She then declared: “Next year I want to take on the boys.” Believe it or not, this race has been going on longer than people can remember. It is believed that it originated with the Britons and Romans. I think I know what it was. They gorged themselves on ale, lined up all of the village idiots and declared, “Chase the cheese.” And they did. And they still are.

NOW FOR A VILLAGE IDIOT MOMENT:

PIRATES BOARD MACY’S

Ar, this guy be no Jack Sparrow, he got caught. Listen up mateys, a man who was carrying a rusted pirate-style sword through Macy’s flagship store in Manhattan is facing charges of criminal possession of a weapon. It’s a sad day when a pirate can’t carry his sword. Police say 29-year-old Lawrence Jackson was brandishing the curved sword while visiting Macy’s Herald Square store Sunday with his girlfriend. Ar, trying to impress the wench he was. Parlay? He told police he was carrying the sword because he is a member of a kickball team whose players dressed like pirates. He swears by all that be holy he was on his way to a game when he was arrested. He sailed away with a fair wind. Sea turtles mate, Sea turtles.

FINANCIAL TROUBLES – HIRE A CAT?

Is your business in financial trouble, need help. Well, I suggest going and getting a cat. Yes, I said a cat. That’s what they’ve done in Japan and it has worked better than they could have hoped. Actually the whole thing has pretty much occurred by accident, they were only trying to give it a home. Tama, a nine-year-old female cat, wearing a stationmaster cap and a neck sign reading: ‘Super Stationmaster Tama’ welcomes passangers. This is all this kitty does, schmooze the customers. Of couse make sure you pick up your Tama kitty souveniers on the way out. The cat lives at the Kishi Station in western Japanese city of Kinokawa. I wonder where they keep the litter box? The near bankrupt Japanese train company Wakayama Electric Railway Co. found the cat in an abandoned building nearby and it has been single-handedly bringing the company back to solvency with it’s popularity. All Tama does is sit by the entrance of the station, wearing the black cap, posing for photos for tourists, now flocking in droves from across the nation. I can see how this would appeal to a cat. “She never complains, even though passengers touch her all over the place. She is an amazing cat. She has patience and charisma,” Wakayama Electric Railway Co. spokeswoman Yoshiko Yamaki said. “She is the perfect station master.” The cat recently got a raise. In cat food of course. I bet nobody ever came up with this one in one of those “Think out of the box” seminars.

I'm an Author, Journalist, Columnist, Photographer, Editor and Publisher and have been writing for about 30 years. For several years I published my own magazine about Michigan's Upper Peninsula. I live in Sault Sainte Marie, Michigan. Currently I've been blogging around the internet - MAKE SURE YOU CHECK OUT MY OTHER HUMOR BLOG "What Were They Thinking?" AT: http://mikelclassen.wordpress.comTo learn more about the writer behind the blog, go his website at www.mikelclassen.com Sign the guestbook while you're there.