Tough Love 2 ep. 1

Updated on December 7, 2009

The Wild Beast Wrangler

I loved the first season of Tough Love on VH1. I’m pretty embarrassed that I didn’t know that there was another installment. I must make amends to the VH1 gods, by catching up via marathon. Thankfully, they provide plenty of opportunities to do so (kind of like how Catholic churches hold confession every week.) Anywho, if you watched the first season, then you know Steve’s style: he does what he can with the big bags of crazy he’s handed and pure entertainment ensues.

Let’s discuss first impressions for each of the ladies, shall we?

Liz entered the house as the stereotypical Southern woman, desperate to get married and considers herself an old maid at 24. She feels like a failure, but I say she should feel like a success for not being divorced before she’s 25. It’s all about the positive spin.

There’s no denying that Angel has been through some crap with the menz. Her ex-fiancée walked out on her the day she came home from the hospital with their baby. The worst part is that he didn’t even say anything to her, he just disappeared. Sounds like a nice guy. Now she strips to pay her bills (Anyone else get that song “What Would You Do” stuck in your head after hearing that story? No? Ah, well).

Jenna used to be 220 pounds, and hasn’t quite kicked her inner-heavy girl to the curb. This has turned her into a super needy cling-master with extremely low self-esteem. If you ask me, she needs to work on herself before she even thinks about snaggin’ a dude.

Rocky is the pits. Anyone else remember her from “I Know My Kid’s a Star,” and her infamous fight with one of the other stage moms over a suspected weave? Sigh. Who is taking care of her 32 animals (or her kid, for that matter) while she’s off doing all these reality shows? She was totally defensive when Steve pointed out that she’s not a good role model to her child because she looks like she just stepped out of a Def Leopard concert. Thank you, Steve, for that hilariously accurate description.

Aside from wearing lady suits and interviewing people all the time, Tina seems like pretty normal person. Her obsession with her career has made her socially handicapped, but I think there’s a lot of hope for her.

Sally makes one of the most common woman mistakes: she melds her personality to whatever she thinks will make a guy like her. Ironically, this lack of personal identity and over-willingness to please works against her. I hope she discovers her true personality—and that it’s not annoying.

Alicia is 31-years old and works in a bar. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that considering it’s great money and she gets to keep her clothes on. However, anyone who is above the age of 18, with an IQ higher than her shoe size should never refer to herself as a “party girl.” She sounds like she belongs in the back of a Girls Gone Wild bus, instead of cavorting with adult men. Once she drops that vile phrase from her vocabulary, I think she has a lot of potential.

Kanisha is fighting Rocky for the title of “Biggest Lunatic”—London Dupree, seriously? She justifies her gold-digging by saying we’re in a recession. That’s a new one.

Moving on, this season, instead of having the girls do a poolside parade for some strange dudes, Steve decides to blast them on a big screen at Universal City Walk. This is an interesting approach because the girls didn’t realize their initial mundane walk to the house would be used as fodder for first-impression judgment. (Remember Taylor’s catwalk-like strut last season?) The girls were seriously overreacting to their videos, like they were comprised of shots of them in the shower or something. As Sally put it, “My heart’s ready to crawl out of my butt right now.” That sounds uncomfortable.

Of course, pretty much none of them liked the feedback they received from the rando guys. Like Jenna freaking out because they called her “thick”—ignoring the fact that they all wanted to date her. As Liz put it, Jenna has the “most lowest self-esteem.” Liz, of course, has the most bestest grammar. Luckily, Kanisha was there to give the best piece of advice in the history of the universe, “If you aren’t happy with your looks, then get plastic surgery. Or go see Dr. Phil.” This is the same person who thinks that the size of your bank account directly correlates with your ability to have an opinion. She was offended that those “poor” guys were judging her. Yawn. I’m over her money-grubbing superficiality already.

I loved that the panel of judges asked if Rocky is pre-op or post-op. Rude, but pretty funny. There’s nothing more ridiculous than a person trying to prove they’ve got some cred by saying “Would you like to hear the 10 songs I’ve written?” I think I’ll pass. Seriously, I am concerned about her level of narcissistic paranoia. I think this show just might be her gateway to Celebrity Rehab (since you don’t have to be a real celebrity to be on that show anyway).

What was up with Kanisha wanting to make out with Steve’s mom? Weird. That was pretty much on par with Rocky rapping in the hot tub—why? She doesn’t realize that everyone is laughing at her, not with her.

Rocky's Inspiration for "I like kittens"

Speed Dating

I decided that I liked Liz after she walked into speed dating and said, “There were 32 flavors of deliciousness, and I wanted to sample all of them.” Classy.

Angel seemed frightened. I think her training as a stripper helped her dance around the questions about her profession. (Get it? I’m hilarious.)

Sally went the complete opposite direction of the sweet 12-year old girl she dresses like, and not in a good way. Forced sexual humor is simply uncomfortable for all those involved (and all those watching at home).

Kanisha was busy conducting job interviews. If you don’t meet the requirements (fat bank account), no need apply. That sort of behavior landed her in the Hot Seat (and I had flashbacks to Taylor who had the same affliction last season).

I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, but Rocky is a lunatic. She went from “Don’t say daddy, it turns me on” to “I like kittens.” At least she’s versatile, I guess.

We’ll see what next episode brings--probably more wallet-chasing, I’m-fat whining, and outfits from the 80’s has-been thrift store.