The implication is not. "men should get raped!" The implication is "Women are being raped as part of enterainment in vastly higher numbers than men."_________________[Stripeypants has enabled lurk mode.]

well, I mean... why is anyone murdered in horror movies? If we go horror movies we also go all movies and if we go all movies we go all art. Why are people raped in fiction? Because rape is something that happens in life and art is a reflection of life.

Sadly rape is frequently used as a PLOT DEVICE with no actual art behind it, but that is some pretty subjective shit.

I guess when you're looking at genre stuff that slides towards pulp and horror pulp rape is usually used to assert that a male (usually) character is a bad guy, and we should feel good when he dies.

I mean... I don't quite get why you're asking? Or what you're asking?

Have we all been keeping up with Game of Thrones? Because shit almost went down with Theon that was pretty full on.

Also, on the topic of odd sitting habits on public transit, I sit with my feet really far apart, but that's because then I can rest my elbows on my knees comfortably (I have wide shoulders and a barrel chest, so my elbows stick out funny). Never really knew it was considered "odd", it just seemed like the comfiest way to sit, assuming the seat next to me was empty. Otherwise I have to try to minimize the space I take up._________________Whatever happened to the heroes?

It could be to get a potential visceral reaction out of male members of the audience? As in, cheap emotional shot? Dunno.

This does remind me of an incident from my undergrad years, that has me wondering about some feelings I had (were they partially sexist?). Note: This does not (THANKFULLY) involve rape or even sexual assault in any fashion. ... I would potential have a felony record for assault if it did.

Long story follows, though. Please feel free to skip if you're not interested

Basically:

I was good friends with several women (and men, though they are not a major part of this story) in my major (physics)-not in a 'nice guy (tm)' sort of way, but more.. well, they were fellow physics majors. We had all our classes together, and often spent time in the lounge struggling through problems together.

In my freshmen year, I also met a.. I think he was a math major? There was a lot of overlap. He stuck out particularly in my mind because I just had this... gut reaction when I met him. Something in my brain screamed "THERE IS SOMETHING VERY WRONG HERE." However, I also knew that I, myself was an awkward kid with CRAP social skills (I've gotten better!), and struck many people as weird and 'off', so.. I went "Hrn. I should just dismiss this. It's not fair to judge based just on that, I bet I weird a lot of folks out too." I should note I recall this guy as being pretty large: 6 feet or so, and fairly broad shouldered.

He was, apparently, the kind of person who, if you were female and showed any amount of kindness to-assumed that meant you were in love with him. Even if you were just being nice to him because, well, you were assigned to work with him in a group project.

And he did not understand 'no'.

I learned this when one of the female physics majors revealed to me (and I do not remember how the topic got to this) that she'd gotten a restraining order against him because he'd been harassing her (almost 100% just verbally, and being creepy), as had several other female physics majors, and she was honestly scared. And that another (freshman) female physics major had discovered his bike outside her dorm window.

I have never, ever, EVER been as angry as I was it that moment. It was frankly *weird*. When I get frustrated or ticked, I'll sometimes rant and rave, but this was... different. It was like I'd punched through normal anger into this strange space on the other side, like there was this cold ball in the middle of my chest. I felt calm, and collected, and utterly, utterly furious. It was.. I don't know. There was something almost primal about it.

She is, and was, a rather small-bodied person. I *suck* at estimating height, but I'd say she was... maybe 5'4"-ish? Smaller? And very petitely framed. The other friend who'd found his bike outside *her window* was even smaller (and a freshman, so new to college life in general).

I pointed out to her that the stein she carries with her (For coffee) could probably murder any man or woman that attacked her, and also showed her the small, heavy pipes I'd found under the couch in the physics lounge. (No idea why there were there, but, hey, improvised weapon if she needed one). I also told her I'd tell a friend of mine if she liked (who was.. far larger than this offender, had a small possee, and already did not like said offender) to keep an eye out for her, and that I personally would also keep an eye out for her/the other female physics major, and would go psycho-weasel on him if he hurt, or was about to hurt, any of them. (I am not a physically imposing or powerful person, but I suspect that, if ever forced to fight, I would crazy-fight. Nails, teeth, etc, because that will end it the fastest.). That did actually seem to help her feel better...

I would like to think my anger was because she was my friend, and she was scared, but.. I'm not entirely convinced it was. Not completely, at least. There *was* something primal about it, too. There was this feeling of.. "FEMALE FRIEND IN DANGER. UGG SMASH MALE WHO THREATEN HER." ... Yes, I watch the inside of my head a lot. And worry/wonder about my motivations for things. I'm kinda crazy, I realize this. >.>

And I'm not sure if that was a good thing or not. =/. I'm not being facetious here, this is something I've wondered about, and wrestled with, for a while. I guess I just wonder, if my anger wasn't entirely just about a friend in danger (and I'm honestly not sure whether or not it was), does that mean it was a bad thing? Or at least partially bad? (Again, not 'just asking questions' or playing devil's advocate, this is something I've been wrestling with for a bit.)

(The university, to their credit, did NOT shrug this off, they were just limited in what they were able to do legally. The head of the math department made *DAMN* sure that all teachers knew (once this came to light) he was not to be assigned group projects with females, and it apparently got to the point where the university was able to legally go "You have a choice. Finish you classes off campus, or be expelled. PICK.")_________________"No, but evil is still being --Is having reason-- Being reasonable! Mousie understands? Is always being reason. Is punishing world for not being... Like in head. Is always reason. World should be different, is reason."
-Ed, from Digger

I suspect you will find you are not the only guy to wonder these things, Felgraf.

I've kinda wondered about this, as well. Since I've had issues with guys who wouldn't leave me alone (either out of actual misguided affection or some weird desire to terrorize someone). One friend offered to pretend to be my boyfriend and chase a guy off for me. I was really flattered because he had a suuuper jealous girlfriend that didn't like him talking to girls, let alone offering to be their pretend boyfriend. Nobody ever told her, of course and it ended up not being a huge deal in the end.

The next time it came up (different person, different situation, same unsafe feeling), people mostly dismissed it as not a big deal, or just gave me a troubled kinda "that's pretty creepy, yeah." response.

Frankly, I think I'd rather have my friends getting up in arms about it on my behalf. I felt a lot safer when I knew I had backup.

I dunno. I can't really judge your anger level and I'm not going to tell you what is and isn't an appropriate level of anger for the situation you described because even if it is some sort of super ingrained sexism... there's only so much you can do to change your emotions. Questioning it is good, but don't get so caught up in it you dismiss the reality of the situation. There was a legitimate reason for her to be concerned and there was a legitimate reason for you to be pissed someone put her in that situation. It sounds like you handled the situation well._________________Samsally the GrayAce

I had (and have mentioned here before) a situation where a female friend was sexually assaulted by a former male friend after a party. I don't know that I would feel differently now, but I do think I would act differently if the victim were male, and that's inherently sexist. I think I'd be less likely to want to assault a female perpetrator, and more likely to encourage a guy friend to go to the police rather than rounding up a posse for vigilante justice. Not that I wouldn't act to protect a male friend before it happened - I think in that regard I'd probably treat the two situations the same (do you feel safe at home? do you have somewhere you can go? do you want to stay with me?) - but in the aftermath I think I would treat them differently.

I've never come up with a good solution to that problem, but thankfully it's only come up once._________________"Worse comes to worst, my people come first, but my tribe lives on every country on earth. Iíll do anything to protect them from hurt, the human race is what I serve." - Baba Brinkman

I think it's definitely a good thing that you let her know that you're willing to help her. It can be a huge relief to know that there are people who got your back in these kind of situations where more often than not it's dismissed as an overreaction._________________

Anyone have any tips on how to deal with shit like this that does not involve rounding up a posse for vigilante justice? I don't actually know the guy and neither does my friend, it was just some guy she met when out drinking, so unless this becomes a police matter, dealing with him is not a priority. I'm just trying to be a friend.

And, on topic, yes I can very much relate to that rage, and also having mixed feelings about it.
I have an example from my own life too, dealing with something less serious than sexual assault but fundamentally also pretty messed up. Here's the situation:
I and an ex were friends and still talk on a regular basis (and still are and still do). Enter: new boyfriend (they're not together anymore) she's literally had for like two weeks, and for clarity I and her had broken up years ago and she'd had other relationships since then. But obviously, even though I lived in another town, he felt threatened enough that he sent me a text saying "You're not talking to her any more". And it went on and on with macho bullshit posturing. Of course I asked her about it and she said he was just kidding. Right. Now I don't feel bad about telling that guy he could fuck off and that she speaks for herself. But since he just wouldn't stop texting me about it I ended up playing his game and spouting some macho bullshit myself. Now I think that was his intention (ie the "kidding" part, trying to make me snap back) but I'm also 100% sure he wasn't kidding about essentially trying to control who she talks to, through harassing and threats. And that last part also became a rationale for me not just ignoring him. But I can't honestly say it was just about that (and even so was me telling him to fuck off in text messages really going to have any effect at all on their relationship? No). So yeah I kind of regret it, yet in some ways I don't. Mixed feelings._________________A cigarette is the perfect type of a perfect pleasure. It is exquisite, and it leaves one unsatisfied. What more can one want? ~Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray

So far, dating advice I've gleaned from this article. Don't. Hire a prostitute. And if you want to be 100% sure that you won't be paying child support, stick it in her butt. Because sex is about your gratification, after all, and emotional connection is for losers who won't get anywhere in life.

My friend, amazingly dry humored and clever, responded to my, "Holy Shit, wtf" comment with, "listen, you need to calm down-- as a lower middle-class woman I have accepted that I will just never be as cool as this guy and I will never be a mover and shaker of the world (but at least I'm not expensive or bitchy!!!)"

That pretty much sums it up. The worst part is that this website claims to be "The Voice of Generation-Y." But this article so clearly excludes half of that generation from a conversation about how to be a successful business person._________________Live to laugh.

that.....is a very interest set of concepts. although i'm not sure how easy it will be to actually follow:

Quote:

14. Forgetting that family comes first

Those who supported you before anything deserve to be taken care of when you reach your success. If you arenít doing this for the ones you love, then youíre not doing it right. Family comes first, no matter what happens. If you work for whom you love instead of just yourself, you will get far.

Quote:

5. Holding on to friends that waste your time and add no value to your life

Youíll be sucked down into the abyss right with them if you donít cut the fat of the group. Family and friends could have been great to you as a child, but if they no longer hold the value and inspiration that is needed for you to thrive in life, then cut them loose. The only individuals you should be surrounding yourself with are those that challenge your ideas and motivate you to find the next solution to your problems. No, not the pessimistic assholes who shoot down your ideas with their negativity, but rather the ones who genuinely want to see you succeed no matter what you do in life.

Quote:

1. Forgetting that karma is a huge b*tch

Whether itís burning bridges with people you loved, stealing your friendís girlfriend, or plotting against an ex-partner, we must always remember that karma is the biggest b*tch weíve ever met. There is nothing more true than the fact that whatever goes around comes around, and you are not immune to the cosmic forces that be. Weíre not asking you to go on your Mother Teresa pilgrimage, but donít be surprised when reality catches back up with you and brings you to your knees. Be a good person. Youíll get further in life.

we won't even discuss that the whole goal they are promoting is being a wildly successful entrepreneur (which you can only do by not having anyone in your life to distract you, like wives and kids and stuff)._________________aka: neverscared!

So far, dating advice I've gleaned from this article. Don't. Hire a prostitute. And if you want to be 100% sure that you won't be paying child support, stick it in her butt. Because sex is about your gratification, after all, and emotional connection is for losers who won't get anywhere in life.