Scarlet & Gray Matter

Sunday

Sep 30, 2007 at 12:01 AMOct 3, 2007 at 10:20 AM

The game at hand

Short-attention-span synopsis: Night game doesn't keep Buckeyes from staying "up" late. Upsets galore dot the landscape, but Ohio State dodges that minefield, thanks to Beanie and a nasty Laurinaitis. Gophers break out new uniforms, break down just the same. The Twin Cities couldn't beat the Buckeyes even if they were triplets.

The game at hand

Short-attention-span synopsis: Night game doesn't keep Buckeyes from staying "up" late. Upsets galore dot the landscape, but Ohio State dodges that minefield, thanks to Beanie and a nasty Laurinaitis. Gophers break out new uniforms, break down just the same. The Twin Cities couldn't beat the Buckeyes even if they were triplets.

Pregame buzz: You mean there was some? OK, how about this -- considering Minnesota had the worst pass defense in the nation, there was talk that OSU would put up 12,478 yards through the air. The Buckeyes only came up 12,269 short.

Worth the trip? Maybe to see the Mall of America. But not for this dull toothache. True, there were some big, exciting plays -- Robo's one-armed TD grab and Trapasso's fake come to mind -- but something about playing indoors at night, in front of disengaged fans, left something to be desired.

One-liner: Since when did Minnesota change its team colors to gold and blue? … oops … never mind. Those were empty seats.

Just wondering: With one huge exception, last Jan. 8, when was the last time the Buckeyes lost to a team they were supposed to beat? Probably their last regular-season loss, at Penn State in 2005.

Sssssshhhh: Imagine being locked in a closet with Bill O'Reilly, Joan Rivers, Ryan Seacrest, Rosie O'Donnell and Fran Drescher and you only begin to understand how annoying the public address announcer was inside the Metrodome. When he wasn't screaming in his Phil Hartman -- rest his soul -- voice, "And that's another Golden Gopher first down!" he was spewing public service announcements about the Tim Brewster radio show and how to purchase the Gophers' new golden jerseys. A message for Old Yeller: Silence is golden, too. Tone it down.

The view

How the team sees it: There's no place like dome.

How the pollsters will see it: Buckeyes are legit -- by process of elimination.

How Buckeye Nation will see it: Sniff, sniff, what's that smell? A spot in a Bowl Championship Series game?

Translating Tress

What he said: "This is what I really think of Minnesota …"

What he meant: (Edit: Sorry, but "Insider Info" only available on coachtressel.com for $49.95/year.)

They said it

As heard from a TV announcer: Count ESPN2 analyst Bob Davie as one talking head impressed by the Buckeyes. "Minnesota has a good offense, but Ohio State has too many weapons. They'll run a punt back before this is over," Davie said at halftime. He wasn't quite prophetic, but he's still one of the best in the booth. As for "Upset Saturday," Davie's only comment was "Unbelievable."

As heard over the (loud) p.a. system: "Be aware that pyrotechnics will be fired off in the building."

As heard in the press box (regarding the pyrotechnics): They should try firing them at their players.

Numbers for dummies

18 --Yards rushing for Ohio State punter A.J. Trapasso, 3 more than any single run by the Gophers

14-2 -- Buckeyes' record in domed stadiums, not including thenational-championship game lastseason in half-open/closed Glendale

18 -- Big Ten football titles for Minnesota, third most in the conference, but none since 1967

The Purdue Boilermakers (5-0) might as well be named the Menopausers for all their mood swings. Sometimes they show up and look unbeatable. But just when you think they're legit, they go South in a hot flash.

Ad-verse

eBuck

Clearance sale on big bubble building in downtown Minneapolis. Discounted because Ohio State has burst it so often.

Horseshoe haiku

Buckeyes bite candy

apples on popsicle sticks;

a.k.a. Gophers

roller@dispatch.com

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