Michael C. LaSala Ph.D., LCSW

Religion and Acceptance of Gays

Are gay people damned to hell?

What about homosexuality and religion? My clients and my research respondents who are either lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender (LGBT) or love someone who is, have shared with me the painful conflicts they face as they fear that their religion will not allow them to accept their children or themselves. As stated by this mother of a lesbian

"I worry because of the religious aspect because I would hate that she wouldn't get to Heaven because of that."

This quote reflects the fears and concerns for many of the parents interviewed for my book Coming Out, Coming Home: Helping Families Adjust to a Lesbian or Gay Child (www.comingoutcominghome.com). Considering that the Catholic Church and members of fundamentalist Christian churches and Jewish traditions have been the most outspoken opponents of gay rights, it is perhaps not surprising that LGBT people and their families identify religion as a major obstacle in accepting homosexuality and transgender identities, in either themselves or a family member.

So how does one deal with this? I am a social worker, a psychotherapist, and a lapsed Catholic/Quasi-Buddhist/Curious Quaker/New Age Agnostic—not a priest or even a practitioner of any formal religion, so I am in no position to give religious advice. However, here are some tips gleaned from what I have learned from the many people I have encountered who have struggled with this issue and found their way throught it.

1) Take a close, critical look at the justification your religious tradition uses to discriminate against LGBT persons.

The Catholic Church, the Evangelical Church, and some other fundamentalist Protestant and Jewish congregations use biblical justifications to deny LGBT people their civil rights and legal protections. I am no biblical scholar, but I think it is important to point out that doing this is simply wrongheaded. Church leaders and clergy have used Scripture, selectively interpreted and stripped of its historical context, to justify people's personal prejudices under the guise of strictly following the word of God.

From a historical perspective, this is nothing new. Leviticus states: "Thou shalt not lie with mankind as with womankind: it is abomination. Do not lie with a man as one lies with a woman; that is detestable" (Lev.18:22), and this passage is the one most famously used to condemn homosexuality in Judeo-Christian traditions. However, the Bible includes all sorts of mandates that have no place in today's civilized world. For example, fundamentalist interpretations of the Bible have been used to justify slavery in the U.S. In addition to its admonition against homosexuality, Leviticus also has passages that permit fathers to sell their daughters into slavery (21:7), prohibit men from shaving their beards (19:27), and call for the death of anyone who works on the Sabbath (Exodus. 35:2; The New American Bible 1991). Thus people who claim to adhere strictly to the Bible and use its teachings to justify denying lesbians and gays their rights are arbitrarily selecting certain teachings to follow while ignoring others.

I have known many LGBT accepting clergy from religious traditions not known for tolerance. For example, I have met Catholic priests who have been affirming with LGBT people, urging them to accept themselves and also encouraging families to do the same. Keep in mind, LGBT people are everywhere and, in fact, some clergy from these religious traditions are even gay themselves.

3) Consider your religion's view of the gay issue as something that is a component of your religion that you will simply not accept.

Although it is a somewhat negative term, there are many people who are what are somewhat derisively referred to as Cafeteria Catholics. These are people who consider themselves a member of the Catholic Church but who do not follow all of its precepts. For example, they might get divorced, or use birth control, but they still believe in the sacraments and the Holy Trinity. Despite the mildly negative connotation, the term reflects how some people have found a way to reconcile their religious beliefs with church teachings that seem unreasonable to them. I am familiar with this term because I was born and raised Catholic. However, I am willing to bet that there are people in almost every religious tradition who have found their way to modify their religious beliefs and practices in a way suits them.

4) Find a religion that welcomes LGBT people

There are many—including Unitarian and Episcopalian churches as well as accepting and affirming offshoots of traditional religions such as Dignity (for gay Catholics). (BTW the lapsed Catholic/Quasi Buddhist/Curious Quaker/New Age Agnostic religion to which I belong welcomes everyone—I promise.) But seriously, many LGBT and allied persons have found supportive, open and accepting spiritual homes, and you can too.

5) Start Reading

Here is a (partial-there are others) book list by authors who have found ways to reconcile religious concerns with gay sexual orientations:

The Lord is my Shepherd and He Knows I'm Gay. By Reverend Troy Perry (a classic)

However, I think the most important piece of advice I can give is to tell people struggling with these conflicts is to remind them that they are on a journey; indeed a spiritual journey and like all journeys, it is important to continue to move forward until you reach a place of peace and acceptance—for your God, for yourself and for those you love. This journey is very personal—I can't tell you which direction to go. But I can wish you safe travels.

Indeed, what he says is quite interesting and much more detailed than what I say. He says something about marriage being referred to in Genesis. It should be noted that until the early Middle Ages, the Catholic Church disapproved of marriage.

I would think that the best thing is to abandon religion as an irrelevant and childish comfort blanket.
The ideal is to grow up and think for yourself instead of allowing religion to impose silly rules on us.
How on earth can anybody believe that any supernatural, higher power (God or whatever you might like to call him/her) cares about what human beings might eat or on what day of the week they might eat them? It's even more stupid than thinking that he/she might care about how two people love each other in private.
If he/she did exist (which is improbable in the extreme) wouldn't he/she have more important things to worry about like global warming or something like that?

I agree with your first statement about "think for yourself instead of allowing religion to impose silly rules on us." On the other hand, I believe that following Jesus and "religion" are two different things. Religion is basically just "doing stuff" to get your way to eternal life, or just a "to do" list. Also, it can be considered a schedule that's not more important than wanting to be like Christ and wanting to live like Him.

He cares for all of us, and gives His people blessings even if they don't notice they're from Him. He also has many names; Faithful, Love, Truth, Shepard, Hope, etc, so He DOES care for a man and a woman who love one another. He loves His people, and cares for every single one of them.

I don't think it matters to Him what you may eat at a specific time of day; He cares if we follow Him and do what He says the most. :)

I want no part of a religion that requires its followers to be bigots.

And before you go condemning gay people, you may want to check the labels on the clothes you are wearing. If they are, as I suspect, woven from two different types of thread, you will be joining all the gays in the fiery furnace.

Accordingly, I wish you all a lot of luck with your mythology, er, religion.

In Genesis our creator shared an internal feeling of good and evil. Man was deceived. Jesus Christ spread love to prove our father. God will not prove himself no more. Homosexuality is not wrong. Religion is wrong. Did Jesus write the Bible, hurt anyone, or save himself? No! Our last sign is NOT the Bible. The evil one is earth's best manipulator. Man is fallible. Jesus watches at God's right hand, and God's Son of Sorrow weeps as his irony is spread. Reincarnation brings healed souls back to walk among us until Jesus returns for the 2nd group of souls who will be allowedto go home. I AM the LOVE of the world. LOVE EVERYONE! I know your journeys hard, and it's worth it. Mine killed me last year. Keep your head up, because someone sent me back.
I'm not homosexual, and I belong to no organized religion. I'm the same as everyone, and even if you're homosexual you are to.