Friendships

So recently ive become single after a long time being in a relationship. ive never tested the water other then with the girl i was with.
now im able to look around and really explore who i am and what i want in life, and a friend who ive known for about a year tells us all hes gay. hes never had a boyfriend and is rather nervous about the whole situation. ive always thought he was hot, funny and just a great guy so i came to terms with the notion of me liking him. but not in a i wanna jump into a serious first time gay relationship because im still finding out about my own sexuality. hes a year older then me and is really cool.

he is good friends with 2 of my friends at uni and he usually comes out to get drunk most weekends. im not sure what his reaction is to me liking him... im not looking for a rebound but i atleast want to embrace everything im feeling after being controlled and manipulated by my previous partner. id at least hope he isnt weirded out by it.. im not a bad guy and neither is he... but hmm i dunno

ive messaged him and havnt heard anything but hes like that anyway... bit ignorant at times, like me i was thinking of just messaging him and asking to hang out or something.. my other friend suggested to just be nice and see where it goes.. but i dont wanna get my hopes up on this only to be made to feel like a dick. ive never been with a guy so all these fresh feelings and everything is crazy. but im happy, i feel content with where i am at the moment i just dont know how to express myself to him or to my friends about how i feel..

I would listen to your friends advice and just try being nice to him, pay him some occassional compliments in order to drop subtle hints that you are thinking of him. If he is interested then he will respond in kind and then see where things go from there.

I would listen to your friends advice and just try being nice to him, pay him some occassional compliments in order to drop subtle hints that you are thinking of him. If he is interested then he will respond in kind and then see where things go from there.

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yeah i mean im not gonna say to him ' lets do it' but yeah i see where that could go. he isnt really vain or anything so i guess someone being nice to him in a flirtatious way would def drop the hint. thing is i get embarrassed and i think he does too... we only ever speak about it when we are drunk, ive had a convo with him drunk about being gay bi or whatever floats your boat he is cool about it.. i just want him to know im interested and whatever

This is the most important part of your post. Coming off a relationship you could be vulnerable. Instead, you seem to be comfortable being who you are and where you are.

I wouldnt worry much about labels  like being gay, straight, or bi. Simply be who you are and let the labels fall where they may  if labeling has to occur at all.

As to suggestions, Ill weigh in the opposite of mitchymo. Since he tells you all hes gay, never had a boyfriend, and is nervous, dont expect him to take much lead with a guy whos just broke up with a girl.

You like him, you say, Id go ahead and message him asking to just hang out. Why not? I know you could get rejected or ignored, but it wouldnt be the end of the world and I dont think you will. People like to hang out. You can flirt a little and give him some clue. You dont have to jump him and if he doesnt respond that way, so what?

This is the most important part of your post. Coming off a relationship you could be vulnerable. Instead, you seem to be comfortable being who you are and where you are.

I wouldnt worry much about labels  like being gay, straight, or bi. Simply be who you are and let the labels fall where they may  if labeling has to occur at all.

As to suggestions, Ill weigh in the opposite of mitchymo. Since he tells you all hes gay, never had a boyfriend, and is nervous, dont expect him to take much lead with a guy whos just broke up with a girl.

You like him, you say, Id go ahead and message him asking to just hang out. Why not? I know you could get rejected or ignored, but it wouldnt be the end of the world and I dont think you will. People like to hang out. You can flirt a little and give him some clue. You dont have to jump him and if he doesnt respond that way, so what?

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yeah see thats the thing. im worried of rejection... its naturel with me... this is all new to me, these feelings and ahh its just confusing. i wish i had of spoken to him in more deph when he found out i liked him

yeah see thats the thing. im worried of rejection... its naturel with me... this is all new to me, these feelings and ahh its just confusing. i wish i had of spoken to him in more deph when he found out i liked him

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Ah, I hadn't picked up on his already having found out you like him. If he knows you are interested, and he is not, whadda you think? If this is all real REAL recent, maybe there hasn't been time for it to play out.

People who are attracted - makes not dif gay or straight - let the other know. No harm there. Of course, if it's just not there, that becomes apparent.

Giving it a couple tries is fair game; after a couple or three tries, if he doesn't respond, you wouldn't want to act needy. You'd want to let it be.

Ah, I hadn't picked up on his already having found out you like him. If he knows you are interested, and he is not, whadda you think? If this is all real REAL recent, maybe there hasn't been time for it to play out.

People who are attracted - makes not dif gay or straight - let the other know. No harm there. Of course, if it's just not there, that becomes apparent.

Giving it a couple tries is fair game; after a couple or three tries, if he doesn't respond, you wouldn't want to act needy. You'd want to let it be.

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well he found out and i havnt had a chance to see him since he knows about me liking him. it could turn out to be flying emotions but yeh i think hes hot, hes funny, and yeh he found out like a few days ago... but its playing on my mind badly

Personally, I think it's all good. That's my gut. Right now there's no way to know and if one of you doesn't make a move it's going to be like an intergalactic big deal and then nobody will do anything.

I don't remember ever, ever, being put off by the idea someone liked me. After a few weeks if they take to drooling and stalking, that's a dif matter - not that it's exactly been the curse of my life or anything.

Few weeks back I was hanging in the Hole in the Wall Saloon in SF [a dive even by dive standards - that's why I love it] when I got up - staggered - to leave, I stopped by this one guy and told him he's adorable. As I walked out the shit yelled "you're not"

That was awful. but I think I'm going to live. Haven't seen him since; he's still adorable even if I'm not.

Personally, I think it's all good. That's my gut. Right now there's no way to know and if one of you doesn't make a move it's going to be like an intergalactic big deal and then nobody will do anything.

I don't remember ever, ever, being put off by the idea someone liked me. After a few weeks if they take to drooling and stalking, that's a dif matter - not that it's exactly been the curse of my life or anything.

Few weeks back I was hanging in the Hole in the Wall Saloon in SF [a dive even by dive standards - that's why I love it] when I got up - staggered - to leave, I stopped by this one guy and told him he's adorable. As I walked out the shit yelled "you're not"

That was awful. but I think I'm going to live. Haven't seen him since; he's still adorable even if I'm not.

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aww that sucks... im sure your better then him.. i mean your giving a stranger advice on a forum so you get 10 points

what do you think i should do.. as a first step? a message on facebook.. a text message.. and what should i say?

Gold Member

Going by how you wrote matey
I feel sure if you 'play it cool' he will pick up the vibes, if indeed he is interested.
I do think perhaps he should be making the moves
and you do have to be ever wary you could perhaps damage your relationship with your 2 friends at Uni, if your seen to be moving on him.
All the BEST
repeat..i suggest ' play it VERY COOL' perhaps just hint on occasion that your interested'
enz

Going by how you wrote matey
I feel sure if you 'play it cool' he will pick up the vibes, if indeed he is interested.
I do think perhaps he should be making the moves
and you do have to be ever wary you could perhaps damage your relationship with your 2 friends at Uni, if your seen to be moving on him.
All the BEST
repeat..i suggest ' play it VERY COOL' perhaps just hint on occasion that your interested'
enz

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oh my friendship with the other 2 is no real big deal, they are on my side completely, but they are in the same class as him.
play it cool.... thing is he has never had a boyfriend or done anything with anyone. he told me that himself one night we were all drunk. so maybe he doesnt know how to make a move or anything.

Gold Member

---End Quote---
oh my friendship with the other 2 is no real big deal, they are on my side completely, but they are in the same class as him.
play it cool.... thing is he has never had a boyfriend or done anything with anyone. he told me that himself one night we were all drunk. so maybe he doesnt know how to make a move or anything.
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OK accept that
but we are pretty funny creatures, and even tho your stating the above re yr 2 uni friends, personally i would be hell of a careful re that..especially if its all for a possible romp in a bed..
we are not talking a possible relationship are we/or are we...mmmmmmmmmmm
Play it cool i still think matey..haha
and let him make the moves, wth a lil prompt from you maybe..a lil prompt
Thats my suggestion anyway
THANKs for the response
enz

Long ago I found that getting together is really quite easy WHEN YOU HAVE THOROUGHLY BONDED IN FRIENDSHIP AND LOVE. My experience (with both my male and female partners--all in long term relationships) was that the sex just happens when two are agreed. No words are needed. And the marvelous thing is that the sex confirms the bond that already exists and it gets better with each re-confirmation.

I found that I could sustain and be happily sustained in relationship with a male or a female. Both males and females can be lovable lovers.

rbkwp brings to mind an interesting thing. Some of us like to chase, some to be chased. Makes the world go round.

I wonder if rbkwp doesnt favor being pursued.

You might notice from my advice and posts I like to act.

So how about you? Do you think you have an established M.O. yet? Do you just wish hed make the moves and you could respond, or not?

From my perspective seems to me a guy who likes to make his moves, might get shot down, but hes less likely to miss out. If I cross paths with someone else who likes to make the moves, one of us has to decide whos running the show, but nobody misses out.

You get a couple guys, neither likes to act, I dont see how that works out. If so, one of you better figure out how to send smoke signals.

rbkwp brings to mind an interesting thing. Some of us like to chase, some to be chased. Makes the world go round.

I wonder if rbkwp doesnt favor being pursued.

You might notice from my advice and posts I like to act.

So how about you? Do you think you have an established M.O. yet? Do you just wish hed make the moves and you could respond, or not?

From my perspective seems to me a guy who likes to make his moves, might get shot down, but hes less likely to miss out. If I cross paths with someone else who likes to make the moves, one of us has to decide whos running the show, but nobody misses out.

You get a couple guys, neither likes to act, I dont see how that works out. If so, one of you better figure out how to send smoke signals.

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i would like to see how he reacts to the idea of doing stuff and hanging out. im not exactly cassanova but i just want to show him the signs that i like him and that im interested, even in a close friendship or anything. its okay saying hello and having a few beers together but id like to see more, experience things together, we are both new at it all so nerves would play a part, i just need to get contact from him more

Gold Member

Cheers Chase
in answer to your statement..
yr right' ha
No i have never liked being pursued, always the chaser me, but ever so gently, to my detriment on most occasions i think
On the occasions ladies have pursued me i have been almost mortified, but end up explaining its not my thing,
and feeling BAD after..? ha (on/off with the ladies..more often OFF') ha
as fr the guys, buggers hardly ever chase me, i think they think..im Straight...pheeeeww getting a headache..thinking re all this again..hha