It’s tough. You and your best friend had a huge fight and you think there’s no way to come back from it. This has happened to many of us, me included, but I’ve learned that although it may be a long winding road, you can come out of a situation like this feeling better than ever.

Step 1: Clear the negative energy

The number-one thing you need to do after a BBF break-up is to take some time to calm down. Only when you’ve gained some clarity can you truly begin to move on. Go for a walk or a jog, pick up a novel or belt out your fave tunes. Do whatever you need to get some breathing room.

Step 2: Assess the situation

Now that you’re calm and ready to focus, look back at the fight and how it all played out. Was this a spat that your friendship could bounce back from, or did somebody cross a line? If whatever happened now cause you to look at your friend in a different light, you really need to think hard before making any decisions.

Step 3: Making choices

Sometimes we want to keep bad friends in our lives because they’re been there forever and it’s all we really know. You need to decide if this is a person that you want to keep in your circle. Try making a pros and cons list of how your BFF has treated you for the entire time you’ve known her. Once you’ve considered every happy and horrid thing in your relationship closet, it’s time to ask yourself if you want to patch things up. Remember, this isn’t a choice between being besties or breaking up. You can downgrade her from numero uno confidant to just a friend.

Step 3: Cutting ties

If you’ve decided it’s time to say ta-ta, understand, first, that there’s no turning back. Ready? Okay, girlie, here’s what you need to do: Distance yourself. Don’t initiate convos, don’t invite her to hang out. If she wants to chat, be civil, but don’t go blabbing all yours secrets like everything is back to normal.

Step 4: Dealing with confrontation

Sometimes, friends mutually split up by simply going off in their separate ways. Other times, one friend fights to regain the relationship. If your ex-BFF wants to know why you’ve been distant, be calm and lay out the sitch. Explain that you think it’s best if the two of you hang out with other people, that your relationship has changed and you’re ready to move on. If she gets upset, choose to walk away. Don’t start hollering in the halls, okay hunnie?

What’s your next move?

Your next move is to clear the air between any of your mutual friends. Let them know the current state of things between you and the ex-BFF. Don’t be bitter about it or demand that your buddies pick sides. There’s no reason you have to find a whole new group just ‘cause you don’t along with one chica anymore.

One more thing…

Don’t think about it. Stick to your decision and focus on the elimination of unwanted drama when things get rough. Talk to other friends—those who aren’t besties with your ex—and your parents. Feeling lonely? Spend more time with other friends, and join new activities to meet fresh faces. Invite girls over for a sleepover or out shopping. And if you happen to cross paths with your former friend? Be cordial and act like a lady. She’ll take her cues from you.