BACKWOODS RECIPE FOR GRILLED TROUT A LA MOSQUITO

First you collect a number of trout by going to a small stream that slithers through a green valley where mosquitoes reign supreme.

Go there in the evening, just before the whipperwills and the owls start calling, and when the other birds are twittering in the thick green foliage like tired children tucked in for the night.

Wade through the bogs and the black muck until the cool, clear water of the stream swirls past your hips with a satin caress.

Wave the slim rod with its thin, tapered string so that a small concoction of animal hair and feathers lands on the water to imitate and float with the lacy-winged mayflies.

And then, with a splash, the trout, one after another, make the one and only mistake of their lives. They dance briefly on the end of the line, out there in the darkness, invisible and strong, like ghosts suddenly tethered.

Often they get away, especially the big ones. Do not lament this: They will be there for another time.

As fireflies twinkle love messages to each other over the swamp, clean the trout at the stream, by the beam of a flashlight. Let the entrails float off with the current to become food for the turtles and other creatures of the lowland.

In the middle of the night, then, walk through the waist-high ferns to the high ground, and when the tree canopy gives way to meadow, look up to a display of stars that will take your breath away. On a recent night, there were northern lights of such a spectacular nature that they stopped you in your tracks.

Put the trout on ice, and then sleep the sleep of an exhausted king, waking only on occasion to scratch a mosquito bite.

Sleep late, and, once up, decline any and all suggestions to do chores or work. At your leisure, stroll up to the spring with a trout creel and fill it with watercress. Snip the stems clean with a pair of scissors, and try to get those that are small and tender.

Rinse the cress thoroughly in the spring, but don`t work at it so long that the cold water makes your hands ache. An occasional grain of sand or even a tiny fresh-water shrimp is essential to a watercress salad.

Follow the creek back toward the cabin and then stop suddenly as a tiny fawn appears abruptly beneath the jackpine trees off to the right. Such an exquisite, delicate creature is worth as much of your time as you can manage to spend watching it. Mosquitoes know that a motionless fawn watcher is a prime target, and they will buzz in from all directions.

When the fawn trots off into the brush and its mother bolts briefly into view and then disappears, continue on down the stream.

Rest from your watercress gathering, perhaps with a nap on the screen porch where the phoebe chirps that you are too close to its nest under the eves.

In the afternoon, start the charcoal in the Weber. While the coals are getting hot, brush cooking oil onto a half dozen baking-sized potatoes and wrap them in foil. Do the same with a few good-sized onions.

When the coals are white, put the potatoes and onions on to cook, and turn your attention to the trout. Brush the fish with cooking oil, insert slices of onions into them, season with salt and pepper, top with slices of lemon and then wrap in foil, leaving the top of the trout exposed.

When the potatoes have cooked for 35 or 40 minutes, put the trout over the coals. Prepare a vegetable of your choice--I like corn--while the trout are grilling.

After 10 or 15 minutes, the trout will be done and everything can be brought to the table. Select those who are to sit around it with some care. Go for people who are best at expressing gratitude and even adulation for one who can gather and prepare such a feast.

Retaining any semblance of modesty will be a severe test, but accept compliments as graciously as possible while the meal is being eaten.

White wine sets it off well, but beer also does the job. Something like Point Special.

Then, when the platters and the plates are clean except for a few fish bones, top the meal off with fresh strawberries over good-quality vanilla-flavored ice cream.

Away from the table finally, assume a comfortable position to facilitate digestion. It is okay to doze off, but make sure you wake up in time to head back to the trout stream for the evening hatch of mayflies . . . and mosquitoes.