Sweet fancy Moses, would you get a look at that thing? It’s aquatic nightmare fuel.

The above prehistoric-looking beast is a Goliath Tigerfish, and it was caught by esteemed British fisherman Jeremy Wade in the River Congo for the television program, River Monsters. It has 32 teeth similar to those of Great White Sharks and this particular specimen was five feet long and weighed over 100 pounds. Extremely dangerous (duh), the Goliath Tigerfish are rarely caught.

“It is, for all intents and purposes, a giant piranha. It is quite a beast.

“The teeth on it are incredibly sharp and are about the same length as a great white shark.

“It also has an extremely powerful bite and has been known to consume prey the same size as itself, attack people and take pieces out of crocodiles.

“It is thought that these fish attack in a reflex response to a sudden movement or splash.

“It is very rare to catch one, especially by an outsider because they are found in such a remote and difficult location to get to. There are no guides or lodges on that part of the Congo River.”

No tench indeed, whatever that means. I have to say, that is one gruesome and horrifying beast. I’m not kidding, that thing is uglier and more appalling than seeing Lisa Rinna* after her third chemical peel of the week. And that ain’t good.

* sorry, I was reading People at lunch today. Suffice to say, I lost my appetite after the Lisa Rinna article. Also, I was originally intending on going with a Sarah Jessica Parker comparison, but that has been so played out and would have been completely disrespectful. To the Goliath Tigerfish.