Ho! Ho! What?!? Children's Book Depicts Santa as Gay, Black Man

Mrs. Claus is now a mister in a new gay-themed Christmas storybook for children that has CNN and the rest of the mainstream media all aflutter.

“Santa’s Husband” tells the story of a black Kris Kringle and his white husband living in holy matrimony at the North Pole.

I don’t mean to curdle your eggnog, but the storybook was written for children as young as four years old.

Yes, good readers. Now you can tuck in your preschoolers on Christmas Eve and regale them with tales of Frosty and the Sugar Plum Fairy and a jolly old gay elf who slides down chimneys and stuffs holiday stockings.

“As this charming book reminds us, Santa Claus can come in all shapes and colors and sizes — just like the children and families he visits all over the world each Christmas Eve,” read a description of the book on Amazon.com.

Author Daniel Kibblesmith, a writer for “The Late Show With Stephen Colbert,” told CNN he was inspired to write the book to over the so-called “war on Christmas” — “pretending that there’s a giant war on Christmas, and that traditional Christmas is under attack.”

Mr. Kibblesmith also took exception with the generally held belief that Santa Claus is a white guy.

“We were reading all of the news about Mall of America hiring a black Santa Claus last year and me and my now wife made a joke on Twitter that if we ever had a child they would only know about black Santa Claus and if they saw a white Santa Claus at the mall we would just explain ‘Well, that’s his husband,’” he told CNN.

Mr. Kibblesmith’s politically correct version of Santa Claus is all the rage among mainstream media types — pretty much the same crowd that celebrates depictions of Jesus as a gay man.

The book is “as true and humble a Christmas tale as any Santa enthusiast could want,” declared Chicago Tribune writer Rex Huppke.

“And that is the beauty of this holiday tale,” he wrote. “The fact that Santa Claus is black and gay has little bearing on the story. What it’s really about is accepting that every family sees Christmas in a different way.”

Esquire.com heralded the book as “war on Christmas trolling at its finest.”

“The all-ages book about a black, gay Santa takes on the Yuletide zealots with a warm smile,” one headline screamed.

“In a lot of ways, it was just a reaction to people who wanted to police Christmas and keep it all to themselves, without acknowledging the reality of how diverse the country is, and how diverse our traditions have become—not just with people from different religions, but just with pop culture becoming one of the driving forces behind it,” Mr. Kibblesmith told Esquire.

Mr. Kibblesmith does not offer any advice for parents on how to address questions that might arise from curious youngsters. Like, for example, why does Mrs. Claus have a beard?

Well, I suppose it could’ve been worse. Santa could’ve been married to a gender fluid, androgynous elf or a non-binary reindeer with a red nose.

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