GCB pilot review: Southern-fried and funny

Ashley Spivey is a former bachelorette from season 15 of The Bachelor where she holds the record for longest limo cry in the show's history. She now has the sweetest boyfriend in the world, lives in New York as a nanny, and writes for he...

GCB has big hair and big laughs

Well, hallelujah! A new laugh-out-loud chick show has come to ABC, starring everyone's favorite blonde spark plug, Kristin Chenoweth. So is GCB (i.e. Good Christian B**ches) anything to raise your hands to God about? Our columnist, a good Southern belle herself, weighs in on her favorite moments from last night's pilot.

From the creator of Sex and the City and the writer of Steel Magnolia's comes GCB, a new Southern spitfire of a show that is sure to fill the void at ABC after Desperate Housewives goes off the air in May.

The show opens with a pretty sexual-for-ABC scene and quickly leads to a death. The man in question is Bill Vaughn, a Madoffian figure that has left his widow's life in shambles.

Rather than allow her family to face the media firestorm in California, Amanda Vaughn decides to move her two kids to Dallas, Texas to live with her mother, whom she hasn't spoken to in eight years! Dang!

We quickly learn that Amanda was the queen mean girl in high school and there is a group of frenemies that aren't too excited for her return:

Carlene Cockburn: The current queen of mean in Dallas who has made it her life goal to ruin Amanda's life. Carlene holds a grudge because Amanda once kicked her off the cheerleading team for having bad skin. She gives the funniest quotes of the night like this one:

Sharon Peacham: Girl had it going on in high school but now she's mostly known for her yo-yo dieting. Her husband Zack totally has it bad for Amanda.

Heather Cruz: Heather was the outsider of the group in high school and is the most forgiving towards Amanda now.

Cricket Caruth-Reilly: Amanda stole Bill (R.I.P.) from Cricket in high school and Cricket has never forgiven her. Thankfully, Amanda can't steal Blake, Cricket's husband, from her now because he's too busy playing handsy with his ranch hand under the table.

As soon as Amanda arrives in Dallas, she can't seem to stay out of the limelight. Whether it's being embarrassed with a sermon in church by Carlene, getting caught in a unwanted lip lock with Zack, or being on the receiving end of a secret admirer.

No matter how hard Amanda tries to prove to everyone that she is no longer the mean girl she was in high school, everyone seems to be against her, even her own mother Gigi who is played by the hilarious Annie Potts.

Thankfully, God has bigger plans for Amanda. After a disappointing meeting, Amanda breaks her heel in a street grate and a predictable downpour sends her into her new workplace…

Luckily for Amanda, since everything that's bigger in Texas can also be bought in California, she can use her assets to get back on her feet by being a waitress. With her new income, Amanda can finally move her family into a new place and start a life of her own.

The episode ends with two big revelations: First, we learn that the secret admirer was Gigi. Seriously, how awesome is Annie Potts in this role? Secondly, the owners of Boobylicious and employers of Amanda are none other than The Kitten Corporation -- AKA Carlene and Ripp Cockburn.

Carlene is pissed and I can't wait to see how she gets Amanda back in the next episode! Hell hath no fury like a Texan woman scorned!

Favorite quotes of the night:

"Why would anyone leave Dallas for Southern California? We have the same weather without the liberals!"

"God often speaks to me through Christian Dior."

"The closest I come to abstaining is when I don't have salt on my margarita."