Journey to Recovery from Childhood Abuse

I Associated with Felons!

I must confess that I am a little freaked out today. I probably shouldn’t be, but I can should myself all day, and I am still going to feel what I feel.

I just found out that somebody I used to associate with in the early 1990’s was convicted on felony fraud charges and then blew his head off to avoid going to prison. Yikes!

Admittedly, I always knew that this man was a bit “off.” Hub and I went to graduate school with the guy, and we were nice to him because he really did not seem to have any friends. We knew him for a whole year before we ever found out that he was married. We then started double-dating with him and his wife from time to time. They were both a little odd but seemed harmless enough.

They were in the news recently for defrauding customers and the government. He was convicted of the charges and committed suicide to avoid having to serve his time. I am not sure about the outcome of the wife’s situation.

This is not the first time that I have found out that someone I used to associate with committed a felony. When I was in high school, I used to talk with a girl in one of my classes. We weren’t close or anything, but we did socialize throughout my sophomore year of high school. She is now on death row for killing two people.

The one that rocked me the most was someone who I considered to be a friend. These other cases involved acquaintances, but I felt close to the third one. We worked together for about a year. She was married to a pastor and was a very nice lady. We used to eat lunch together every day at work. We also socialized a little bit outside of work, but she had limited time because she had young children.

She wound up embezzling a large sum of money from the government. I can only imagine the level of scandal at her church when that hit the news. I don’t know if she wound up going to prison or not.

In all of these cases, these people committed their crimes years after I was hanging out with them. What bothers me is that I would not have pegged any of them for committing those crimes, especially the one who I considered to be a friend. If nothing else, my association with these people shows just how messed up I was before therapy. I like to think that, as I have healed, I am doing a better job in picking healthier people to spend my time with.

I guess I always felt like an outcast and befriended other outcasts. Unfortunately, not every outcast is a survivor looking to heal.

5 Responses

I don’t think It says anything negative about you Faith. Maybe you got a little closer to people that in hindsight that you’d rather not. We all do that from time to time. Ok, well, I’ve done it! I guess I shouldn’t speak for the whole world should I? ha!

Two things to ponder are: 1) Maybe they were not always that disturbed…. who knows why some people get pushed to the edge. 2) Usually when people have been lying for a long time, like anything else they usually become quite good at it.

I agree with what you said at the end of your post that now that you are healthier, you are able to see/feel/discern the people that you want to avoid and the people that you want to befriend. Good stuff.

Faith, I know you feel this way and so I’m not going to say you shouldn’t. I think this is just chance. I can understand maybe why you are concerned that you didn’t peg these people as felons. Could it be that you wonder how good you are in the present at keeping yourself safe? Know that you are paying attention now in ways you probably weren’t before. This comes across in almost everything you write. You are very aware. I think you know this. You said it near the end. Sometimes it’s nice to hear it from others too. So, that’s why I’m telling you! Paul.

Like you, I just recently learned that a college friend is now serving a 3-year prison sentence for medical insurance fraud and money laundering. I NEVER would have thought he’d do such a thing. It’s just another example of that part of me that is so trusting of people, naive of the possibility they could do wrong … the kind of trust that has brought pain and shame upon me.

You wrote “I guess I always felt like an outcast and befriended other outcasts.” I was like this as well. I suspect it is common for exploited children to do this. Maybe as we heal and come to understand that we are normal and what happened to us is not we can let go of that feeling of being an outcast and better choose safe relationships.

I’ve had similar experiences. When I was young we moved frequently. Often, shortly after we left a city, many of the kids I had been friends with would end up getting in serious trouble. Apparently the wrongdoing had been going on for some time, but I never had a clue my friends were into that sort of thing. The only thing I can think of is that maybe they sensed I wouldn’t approve and so they hid it from me . . . and once I left, they stopped being so careful and thus ended up getting caught. Either that, or an alter of mine was involved and I had no idea. I don’t know, but it’s surprised me again and again, finding out my old friends were getting into trouble.