Tag: Funmi Akingbade

Twelve … Public shame: When you cannot satisfy your woman in bed, she is likely to share this with her friends and even with her pastor or counsellor and gradually, what should be a secret affair becomes an open secret. What I am saying is that the cost to a man who cannot satisfy his wife sexually is enormous. It is the quickest way for a man to lose confidence in himself. Moreover, once the confidence is gone, everything is affected: he cannot think well; he cannot speak well; he gets easily tired and irritated. In addition, once he cannot put in his best, it means he cannot put money on the table and ultimately if care is not taken, he may give up on himself. In most cases where he is married, the marriage may pack up. However, you do not have to put up with that shame a day longer. For the permanent solution to the embarrassment of premature ejaculation, give me a call or book an appointment with me. Take action, delay may be too costly!

Thirteen … Besides the above mentioned facts, according to series of studies carried out in developed countries, approximately 20 to 30 per cent of the male population may have symptoms at any time. Between 30 and 40 per cent of men are believed to suffer from the frustrating condition called premature or rapid ejaculation. The good news is that it can be successfully treated.

Fourteen … Such studies have also shown that this condition largely remains untreated. This is said to be due to a number of factors including hesitancy of both husband and wife to approach and discuss the issue; a lack of awareness of treatment options. However, what many men with this condition do not know is that with the right approach, they can easily change the response of their bodies to high arousal. You can learn how to thrust your penis into a warm or wet vagina for as long as you want before you ejaculate. Then, when you want to ejaculate, you simply step up the pace and intensify your vaginal thrusting so that you go “over the edge” when it suits you. The other thing that men with these conditions need to know is that it is not a thing of shame. This is so because it is a common ailment among men and it is solvable.

Fifteen … At the 2006 Congress of the European Society for Sexual Medicine, an American research paper reported the average lasting time of men with premature ejaculation was 1.8 minutes. Men without this condition, which we may sometimes ignorantly refer to as ‘normal,’ last an average of 7.3 minutes. In their survey of several thousand males, approximately 10 per cent of them said that they often or sometimes had this trouble. They found that it is more common in younger married men – which is not surprising, as there is a distinct tendency for ejaculation to improve with age. Men generally get better control as they grow older.

Sixteen … However, a 2004 survey in Europe showed that middle-aged spouses still had this problem. However, there were males who claimed to have premature ejaculation, yet who could last up to 25 minutes. This clearly shows people have wildly differing ideas about what is normal. From medical experience, there are plenty of couples who would regard intercourse that lasts under 20 minutes as less than satisfactory, and who would feel that any ejaculation in less than 10 minutes or so is decidedly premature. As a working definition, if either you or your partner feels that orgasm is happening too soon, then there probably is some degree of premature ejaculation, according to these groups of experts.

Seventeen … While most of what is known about premature ejaculation is myth rooted in ignorance and inability to seek for help, the frustration and fear that many men experience because of premature ejaculation are real. In most cases, premature ejaculation does matter, because it makes people unhappy and frustrated. In addition, in severe cases it threatens or even ruins marriages. Sometimes, the condition is so bad that the man ejaculates even before getting into the vagina. This can be devastating for a man’s self-confidence. Besides, it can be hugely frustrating and annoying for his spouse – especially, if she is young and desirous of the unique pleasure that only intercourse can give.

Eighteen … For many years, sex experts believed that early conditioning caused premature ejaculation. The idea behind this is that men’s early sexual experiences were usually rushed (and perhaps, furtive) and had to be quick to avoid detection. The idea is that this conditions him to climax as quickly as possible. However, studies and surveys have shown that many men with premature ejaculation did not rush early sexual experiences-though others say they did.

Nineteen … In all, there is some level of agreement that anxiety is responsible for most cases of premature ejaculation. For example, when a man is put (or puts himself under) pressure to perform, then he becomes nervous and when he becomes nervous, the chances that he would come before he or his partner desires increases. Furthermore, each time he fails to prolong ejaculation, an ‘anxious’ lover gets deeper into the realm of self-doubt and continues to fail. Anxiety over other issues besides sex can also lead to premature ejaculation. Such issues could include, but are not limited, to financial matters, slight depression, lack of confidence, unrealistic sexual expectations (like when a man wants to replicate what he sees in pornographic movies), lack of good communication, conflict, guilt and others. Anxiety and the pressure to perform are the reasons some men take alcohol before sex. Nevertheless, this is a risk practice whose long-term risks outweigh the short-term benefits.

Twenty … An interesting article on the British Broadcasting Corporation’s Sex and Sexual Health website says some men’s premature ejaculation problem results from their inability to recognise what therapists call the “point of inevitability”. This is a sensation that occurs just a few moments before ejaculation. Men who do not suffer from PE are able to recognise this sensation and either stop or change stimulation until the urgency has subsided. Most commonly, men who suffer from PE would have had it throughout their sexual life and would not ever have noticed this “point of inevitability”. There are a number of reasons why this might have happened. It may be that initially, sex was always rushed or was associated with the feeling of guilt or anxiety. The BBC article also argued, and I agree, that some men “become quick ejaculators because of their partners’ pressure to “get it over and done with.” Whatever the original cause, the body gets used to responding quickly and rapid ejaculation becomes the norm’. Overexcitement is another factor that can be responsible for premature ejaculation. When a man is overly excited before sex, his sex organ could go on auto-drive, making the ‘decision’ to ejaculate on its own.

Twenty-one … Besides what experts say, although there are no conclusive proofs yet, a number of biological factors can also induce premature ejaculation. These include abnormal hormone levels, abnormal levels of brain chemicals called neurotransmitters, abnormal reflex activity of the ejaculatory system, some typhoid problems, inflammation, urinary tract or prostate infection. Others include multiple sclerosis, extreme sensitivity of the penis, injury to the nerves, and other neurological problems.

Some scientists and researchers have also made claims that premature ejaculation can be inherited. The duo of Mr. David Delvin, a British general practitioner and a psychotherapist, Christine Webber, who conducted a survey on the matter, discovered this in some cases. “Some men seem to be highly triggered right from the start of their sex lives, and we have encountered instances where their fathers were much the same. Therefore, we feel that the tendency to reach orgasm quickly may often be inherited rather than learned,” they wrote in an article, Premature ejaculation, on Tiscali.co.uk.

What all this information has shown is that premature ejaculation could be the result of both psychological and biological factors. Nevertheless, whatever the cause may be, I believe there are solutions.

Until next time, keep your sex passion aflame while I remain your devoted and loyal bedroom instructor. And please keep a date with us.

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Since the inception of this column, I have been able to discover lots of information that will enhance the sexual awareness level of the married couples out there. In spite of this, I discovered there are a whole lot of untapped information that we have yet to unravel when it comes to sexuality, sexual behaviours and sexual activities among married lovers of all categories.

So, in today’s article, I am going to enumerate some of these facts newly discovered by research and sex therapists all over the globe.

Have a wonderful time reading.

One: Many couples have been asking what and what they can do to have the best of a healthy sperm cell, as regards the volume, viscosity, and counts. To really make more healthy sperm, it’s been discovered that mere regular exercise does the job. Married men who exercised at least 15 hours a week had up to 73 per cent more sperm than the ones who never did.

Two: Sperm make up only five per cent or less of your semen. It’s got amino acids, protein, sugar, and minerals to nourish the sperm cell.

Three: I have lots of couples who have told me that they reached orgasm and when they expected they would ejaculate, nothing would come out. They have asked me what they could do in this situation.

If nothing comes out when you climax, semen could be going into your bladder. Although this is not dangerous, I tell couples to either see a doctor or a specialist called a urologist, especially if you’re hoping to become a dad.

Three: Most men from the age of 35 and above produce about 3/4 of a teaspoon (of sperm) at a time, less than a typical dose of cough syrup. But husbands who are very well hydrated or who have gone a long time without an orgasm could make more.

I have received complaints over and over again that most of today’s condom comes with headaches, stress, and challenges. Now, these are the most common condom mistakes couples do not realise they do that makes wearing condom a headache.

Four: When couples put it on wrongly, this happens most times especially when couples may be a little distracted when handling condoms. I always advise couples to take a few seconds to make sure everything is in place, though. Most often, couples wear the condom inside out and then turn it over, whereas it should be the other way round.

Five: The second and third most common mistake is putting it on too late and taking it off too soon.

Six: When it comes to condom, size matters. Regular-size condoms will be fine for most husbands. It’s important, though, to find a condom that fits well and that’s not too short, too tight, or too big. A condom can only protect what’s covered. One that’s too short could allow diseases to be passed on. A condom that’s too big could slip off in the heat of the moment also. I always tell couples to always know what’s right for the husband. If a husband measures more than seven inches long, such husband may need a larger size.

Seven: Many couples use Vaseline or a pinch of baby oil as a form of good lubricant in conjunction with the condom. But it has been discovered that oil-based lubricants like petroleum jelly and baby oil damage condom. It is better to use only water-based or silicone-based lubricants like K-Y jelly, or even water or saliva. And if you’re concerned about getting it right, buy a condom that’s already lubricated.

Eight: I need to also let the married couples know that all condoms do not give spouse the same amount of protection. The three main kinds of condoms – latex, polyurethane, and animal skin (lambskin) – help to prevent pregnancy. But protection from disease is never guaranteed. Organic or animal-skin condoms are often made from the intestinal lining of sheep. This won’t prevent sexually transmitted infections. Viruses can get through tiny holes in them, even though sperm can’t. Latex condoms are the most popular and usually the most inexpensive. Polyurethane condoms are good for people with latex allergies. They are thinner but tend to feel looser.

For couples who are looking for the best form of family planning method without the use of synthetic drugs, condoms have been found to be the most popular form of birth control. As a matter of fact, condoms have a lot going for them. They’re easy to use and find and you don’t need a special prescription. Plus, the condom is the only form of birth control that lowers the risk of pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases. They are the second most popular contraception behind the birth control pill.

Questions!!! Answers!!!

Do we have less ability for arousal as we age?

Fredrick Mathew

I think our physical capacity is limited and diminishes with age, and yet that doesn’t mean that the net experience has to be worse. For instance, my aged father plays tennis much better today than he did 15 years ago and yet that man 15 years ago, could certainly outrun, outhit, outdo anything even outscore some of his friends today because he is more strategic. The life experience of playing for so many years has assisted him and in much the same way, someone who knows his partner, is known by his partner, who has the ability to be relaxed and be comfortable and enjoy each other can have a great sex life. And the irony is that those people who come to me later in life who have had problems, fortunately for them, they actually have some of the best times to look forward to sexually, whereas people who had fabulous sex lives when they were younger may notice some progressive things where things aren’t quite as great as they were, even though it’s still wonderful. So, getting help later on in life is very often a good idea, not a bad idea.

Is there anything I can do to have a better sex drive?

Funmi, I am so certain that the greatest wish of my husband is for me to have a better sex drive. I have tried all I can but nothing has changed.

Worried wife

Experts say the answer is not so much in what a spouse’s sex drive is, but whether or not it has reached its potential. While everyone’s level of desire is individual, it can also differ with each partner and vary within a relationship, increasing or decreasing over time. Age can also alter sex drive, in men and women, and is usually linked to a decline in sex hormones. Moreover, there are a number of emotional and physical conditions, as well as medications, including some sedative or sleeping pills that can put a damper on desire. If a physical problem causes sex drive to plummet — such as erection difficulties in men, or painful intercourse in women — and treatment is received, desire usually increases. If emotions are getting in the way, talking to a counsellor or sex therapist can help. And sometimes, sex drive will recharge on its own, as circumstances in couple’s life change — such as the birth of a new child, change of environment, loss of loved ones, death of a previous spouse, marriage to a new spouse, change of financial status, change of inspirations and aspirations. But for your case, you can take some libido enhancers for women; they are very good.

Is one ever “too old” to make love?

I have five biological sons and they are all getting married one after the other. each time they bring in their potential wives to visit me in the village, I eavesdrop their sexual escapades and wish I can still engage in active sex but my wife has put a hold on that, claiming we are too old to make love. Is one ever “too old” to make love?

Mr. Chi

Provided that you and your wife are in good physical health, experts say both men and women can continue to have sex to any age. However, the aging process itself, along with many health conditions, can make having sex increasingly difficult in later years. However, even if intercourse is not possible, remember that physical intimacy can take many forms and that sometimes getting older really does mean getting wiser about the many ways in which couples can bring each other pleasure. Tell your wife you secretly still want sex and if she can’t make it available, she can give you gentle foreplay. With this, you can still recapture the feel of sex.

What is the definition of “sex addiction” and what does it entail?

I am really finding it so difficult to draw the line between normal sexual desire and sex addiction. My wife believes that few sexual relationships between us should be okay; to her, my demands mean I am so addictive to sex. She wonders if I am not ever going to be satisfied and this worries her. But I think I am very normal; please what is your stand?

Ibrahim Atayeroko

Sex addiction is described as an overwhelming need for sex, the pursuit of which frequently takes precedence over all other things in life, including work and relationships. Sex addicts frequently engage in risky behaviours, including not only vulnerable sex, but also seeking stimulation in dangerous situations. Behaviour is usually self-justified, so most sex addicts don’t view their actions as problematic, though they frequently feel a sense of shame or guilt after indulging in their addiction.

Behaviours associated with sex addiction include: Compulsive masturbation; multiple extramarital affairs; anonymous sex partners or strings of one-night stands; consistent use of pornography; consistent need for phone or computer sex; continuous use of prostitutes; sexual exhibitionism (such as “flashing”); voyeurism (watching others have sex); stalking a sex partner; they are actually after a perverted way of seeking sexual pleasure.

I think about sex constantly

I am a 25-year-old male, although fully grown to have sex, I shy away from it for some reasons. I discovered the rate I think about sex and the rate my sex drive skyrockets is a bit on the alarming side. I do not really see a reason this should happen because I do not go out of my way to look into sexual stuff. The only thing I do differently recently is that I increased my hours of workout. I exercise four to five days a week. But for few days now, I have noticed my urge to have sex has increased. Is it something to do with my Testosterone level? Should I be worried? My diet is rich in protein (eggs, chicken), veggies/fruits and healthy fats. Can you please tell me why I am experiencing this? I told a friend this and he suggested that I eat lots of soy products in order to reduce the libido. Is it a good suggestion?

Johnson Obiofapo

Hi Johnson, I think you have no reason to get yourself worked up unnecessarily. Whatever you are experiencing now is as a result of the frequent exercise, coupled with the good healthy diet. Just enjoy yourself and be focused.

Hi Funmi, I read your book, Sexual Intimacy in Marriage where you suggested that vasectomy is okay for men as a form of family planning. However, my question is this; would this operation affect his performance level?

Mrs. Bash Wellness

A vasectomy does not affect performance or testosterone levels at all; it merely shuts off the sperm valve. In other words, your husband will still have the same amount of semen; it just will not have testosterone-heavy sperm in it. Better yet, a UCLA study concluded that men who have vasectomies live longer than men who do not.

My urine sometimes has a strong odour. What could be the cause?

Mrs. Wilfred Mary

Several culprits cause strong odour. You may be dehydrated, which makes urine more concentrated and odorous. Foods such as garlic and beans as well as certain vitamins and medications are other common but harmless causes. However, if those have all been ruled out, a urinary-tract infection may be to blame, even if you lack typical symptoms like burning and frequent urination.

Why do I get tired when I have my period?

Mrs Chuks Beatrice

Feeling exhausted during menstruation is a normal result of the plunge in the hormone oestrogen that occurs during this point in your cycle. Your energy level should return within a few days, when oestrogen levels start increasing again.

However, if the fatigue lasts longer than that or by tired, you mean that you are totally wiped out all week, there is probably another cause. You may be suffering from iron-deficiency anaemia, especially if you have very heavy periods.

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The primary reason for this column is to make sex life of married couples a blissful one. So today, I have gathered some facts about the patterns of men and women’s sex drives that researchers and sex therapists have found out. However, couples should bear in mind that individuals may vary from these norms. According to the National Opinion Research Centre, the average couple reports having sex 66 times a year. Couples under age 30 say they have sex an average of 109 times a year. The average number drops to 70 times per year for 40-somethings and 52 times a year for couples in their 50s.

One … Experts say sex drives of men and women differ. They say women’s sexual inclinations are more complicated than men are. While men may be rigid and specific about what they become aroused by, women have less-directed sex drives. Researchers say women are more likely to be more influenced by lots of irrelevant things and factors. Sexual desire in women is extremely sensitive to the environment and context.

Two … Experts say men score higher in libido, while women’s sex drive is more about intimacy. That does not mean that men do not seek intimacy, love, and connection in a relationship, just as women do; most men crave more foreplay, they just view the role of sex differently. Women want to talk first, connect first and then have sex. For men, sex is the connection. Sex is the language men use to express their tender loving vulnerable side.

It is their language of intimacy. Studies after studies illustrate that men’s sex drives are not only stronger than women’s, but also much more straightforward. The sources of women’s libidos, by contrast, are much more difficult to pin down. It is common wisdom that women place more value on emotional connection as a spark of sexual desire.

Three … Men want sex more often than women at the start of a relationship, in the middle of it, and after many years of it. About two-thirds say they masturbate, even though they feel guilty about it, they are forced to masturbate because they are constantly being refused by their wives. Eighty something percentage of married men confessed having cheated on their wives though they say they feel guilty about it but also gave the reason for this – their wives’ deliberate insensitivities to their sexual fantasies, need and lack of innovation and tastelessness’.

Four … Men and women travel slightly different paths to arrive at sexual desire. I hear women say in my office that sexual desire originates much more between their ears than between their legs. For most married women, there is a need for a plan hence the romance, affection and the foreplay. It is more about the anticipation, how you get there; it is the longing that is the fuel for desire. Women’s desire is more contextual, more subjective, more layered on a lattice of emotion. Men, by contrast, don’t need to have nearly as much imagination, since sex is simpler and more straightforward for them.

Five … Most married women are more influenced by the attitudes of their peer group in their decisions about sex. Wives who are not ‘religious’ are likely to have liberal attitudes about sex, they let go and release themselves to the pleasure sex has to offer than the most ‘religious’ ones. Married women with higher education levels were more likely to have performed a wider variety of sexual practices, education made less of a difference with men. Women were more likely to show inconsistency between their expressed values about sexual activities.

Most married women under age 60 think about sex less than once a day.

While the majority of married men under 60 think about sex at least once a day, only about one-quarter of married women report this level of frequency. As men and women age, each fantasise less, but married men still fantasise about twice as often. Men reported more spontaneous sexual arousal and had more frequent and varied fantasies. There are beautifying natural libido enhancers that can help. Women please contact me.

Six … Older married women are more likely to experience orgasm when sex is within the context of a faithful and loving relationship.

Seven … Married women over 50 are more likely to report orgasm when a sexual event takes place in a totally strange environment. Researchers speculate that coming together of long separated spouses may make the novelty of a new experience arousing.

Eight … Most second round sex is safe and healthy, sex therapists say. In addition, it can improve sexual function and relationships by teaching both spouses about their own sexual responses, so they are better able to explain to their partner what feels good to them. However, spouse who becomes too obsessed with third round sex may develop sexual problems or lose interest in sex with their partners.

Nine … Women experience orgasms differently than men, while researchers find it tricky to try to quantify issues like the differing quality of male vs. female orgasms, they do have data on how long it takes men and women to get there. Men, on average, take four minutes from the point of entry until ejaculation; [ideal time should be at least 10 minutes] anything lower than this is considered to be premature ejaculation. If you suffer premature ejaculation, please contact me. Women usually take around 15 to 18 minutes to reach orgasm. That is another difference between the sexes on how often they have an orgasm during sex. Among married men, 75 per cent of them report that they always have an orgasm with their wives while 29 per cent of married women report that they always have an orgasm with their husbands.

Ten … Most married women cannot have an orgasm without direct stimulation of the clitoris so they need clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm. For women who have trouble achieving orgasm, incorporating clitoral stimulation into sexual activity may be all that is necessary. The G-spot is a sexually sensitive part of a woman’s anatomy found in the anterior vaginal wall.

The G-spot is a region found behind the pubic bone that has been credited as the trigger for a vaginal (vs. clitoral) orgasm, and even a catalyst for female ejaculation. However, some experts note that there is no unique anatomical structure where the G-spot is supposed to be located. If the G-spot exists, it is best described as an erogenous zone rather than a part of a woman’s anatomy.

Eleven … A study in the Journal of Sexual Medicine found that the duration before an average married man ejaculates during sexual intercourse from the beginning of vaginal penetration until ejaculation was 7.4 minutes, while the appropriate time should be 12 to 15 minutes. The average penis length is between eight and 10 inches when erected and averages around 4.6 inches when flaccid. A man’s flaccid penis varies in size considerably because of various environmental factors and their effects on the sympathetic nervous system. Cold water and cold air are perhaps the best-known causes of this “shrinkage” phenomenon, but psychological stress can do the same thing. It is advisable to stay off stress and if you have a shrinking penis, kindly contact me.

Twelve … Only 10 per cent of married men reported a preference for oral sex to achieve orgasm, while six per cent of married women reported that preference. Men are more likely to reach orgasm when sex includes vaginal intercourse, but women are more likely to reach orgasm when they engage in a variety of sex acts that include vaginal intercourse or real foreplay sex.

Thirteen … Masturbation can cause injury; frequent or overly vigorous masturbation can irritate the skin of the penis, and men who masturbate can injure their urethras, this has been a major cause of erectile dysfunction for many who masturbate.

Fourteen … Sexual activity can reduce the risk of stroke and heart attack in older couples.

While couples with a history of stroke or heart disease should consult their sex therapists about sexual activity, for the most part, sex is a healthy form of exercise for older people. Researchers who tracked 914 married men for 20 years found that having sex twice or more a week reduced the risk of fatal heart attack by half, compared with those who had sex less than once a month. They also found frequency of sex was not associated with stroke.

Questions and Answers

Is it wrong to give masturbation to my spouse?

I want to know if masturbation is wrong within a married home. We know masturbation is stimulating oneself but in Advance Learners’ Dictionary, it also means giving another person [ which here I believe could mean one’s spouse] sexual pleasure. Does that mean a couple masturbating each other is wrong?

Andrew Hope

Hi, Mr. Andrew, masturbation itself as you mention is giving oneself or another sexual pleasure. It is wrong with lots of negative health effects. It’s also known as solo sex. But when both husband and wife sexually stimulate themselves, this is not wrong although it may be called masturbation or aggravated, exaggerated, heightened, intensified foreplay.

Please help pass this on, it will help someone out there

I just want to use this medium to address some partners in my category to borrow a leaf from me and do the right thing. That was why l wrote to you to please publish my experience for general consumption. My attitude before then was: “We can make love if the children are asleep, the house is clean, and we‘re both freshly showered and in bed in a tidy room, with the lights down low. Did you get your hair cut lately? Please go and shave; my skin is too tender for your beard.” Little did I know that the chance was slim for a man to meet all these conditions at the same time or at all times! Even if we were able to accomplish everything on my “must-do before sex” list, we were much more likely to drop wearily on the couch instead of passionately exploring each other‘s body in each other’s arms.

Something had to give. I couldn‘t keep up with all my requirements and have the energy for intimacy. I needed to simplify my life. I was too rigid for my husband.

When I started reading the articles, a thought occurred to me: what would my husband think if I suddenly let go and pursue lovemaking when things weren‘t perfect, when the dishes were left on the table?

This wasn’t going to be easy. I needed a role model. I chose sex and sexuality column. The column advocates pleasing one’s husband in every way possible. I wondered what the ladies my man frequently visited had that I didn‘t have. Then I realised it was the other way round. These ladies didn‘t have a house they could keep clean or a shopping list or tasks they must perform. They didn’t care a hoot about orderliness. Rather, they provided the passion and pleasure he needed. They inflamed his passion and set the stage for him to come again and again.

Was it possible I could expect less and get more? Less home chores, less complaint, more physical touch, more sparkles on my eyes towards his approaches? Less tasks and more romance? What woman in her right mind would do otherwise? But as an exhausted mother with young children, I wasn‘t in my right mind, so I needed to practise.

I started small. My initial thought was: ‘what if I let the dishes go until morning so we could get to bed earlier and allow a “standing ovation” type of sex to take place as advocated by the columnist?’ I realised that this, rather than having a clean kitchen always, makes him feel much better.

A clean kitchen would never make him feel better than spending the next hour with him, connecting to each other in a way designed by God? No amount of cleanliness would make a kitchen surpass that?

Then I took it a step further, getting used to walking past things that I could not pick up until a messy floor didn‘t bother me again, at least not as much as it used to. l started walking around the house with various ‘oh my God‘ night wears specially designed for him. My husband became really confused when each time he reached down to help me clean he heard me say, ”Honey, thank you, but l’d rather leave the floor that way than not having those sessions with you tonight.” The best part came when I read in one of the articles about oral sex, where the columnist quoted Song of Songs about the lover and the beloved stealing away to a beautiful garden. The lover describes his beloved as a precious myrrh just as she too portrays him as a delightful spice. Not once does he say, ”Your kitchen sparkles like the stars of heaven and is scented with the aroma of a thousand pines.” It is all about the beauty and desire they found in each other.

Reading that book made me realize that I rarely expressed the attraction I had for my husband‘s body. So I put it to practice one day, quoting Song of Songs 5:15, I blurted, ”Your legs are like pillars of marble, my honey!” He was pleasantly shocked and smiled like a little boy who had just received his dream power-bike toy.

To this day, I often tell my husband how attractive he is, specifically admiring the bright colour of his eyes, the strength of his legs, or the handsome turn of his smile. Now, when I start a sentence with ”Honey,” he gives me his full tender attention. There’s a much better chance that a compliment will follow and you can imagine the effect of such compliment.

We‘ve been married for seven years and I have adopted this method for more than a year now. And I‘ve continued pursuing moments in the garden. Sometimes it’s a simple “I‘m naked under these clothes,” which is always true but intriguing when said out loud. At other times, it is something special on his pillow (even if the bed is unmade) or clothing that’s slightly more feminine than what I usually wear.

It’s important that I take him as he is, without requirements. No shower, cologne, valentine flowers. Just him and his “out of Africa” manliness. His brute, organic, and earthy being. Of course, his visits to “disputable places” stopped.

There will always be pressures that sap my energy and time. But I’ve learnt to embrace what is erotic and splendid for the union, putting housework on hold for a while and keeping fire work of sex aglow always.

Please do not print my name or e-mail address.

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Sometimes, couples find it difficult to comprehend the changes in their sex life. They usually think that something is wrong with them or their spouse. But experts have made it clear that couples’ sex taste buds differ from age to age, and the earlier a spouse is aware of this, the better it is for the partner.

This awareness is particularly useful for couples who have obvious age gap between them. The understanding of this will assist each partner to sexually please his or her spouse and, of course, help reduce cases of infidelity to the minimum.

Couples’ sex drives, libido and taste change with age. For instance, couples within the ages of 20 and 30 share sexual similarities in taste, preference, flavour, libido and craving while couples within the ages of 32 and 39 have the same sexual favourite, passion, desire and yearning than those within the ages of 45 and above, while many do not experience significant change in spite of the age changes.

One… The age between 20 and 30, experts say, is the stage where couples have lots and lots of great sexual chemistry at their disposal. It is the stage where both partners fall madly in love and constantly produce high levels of dopamine and norepinephrine. These chemicals not only make young couples feel extremely excited, they drive up testosterone– the hormone that fuels the sex drive of men as well as women–to the highest height. Besides, time is on the side of this category of couples. For young couples who have no children, mornings and evenings are blissfully theirs for romantic romps. What’s more, they are at the beginning of their sexual career and they have a long way to go.

This is the stage where more than often you hear the man complain of premature ejaculation, because with all the sexual tension between the couple, the man sometimes gets so excited that he ejaculates too quickly. Or since both of them are so young, the man may not yet know how to climax every time. And since this is the stage they skip foreplay or see it as torture, many men do not know that one of the secrets of good staying power is NEVER to skip foreplay. With foreplay, many men are able to master the feel of ejaculation better than when they habitually shy away. Nevertheless, this is the time they could really get to know each other’s body and to figure out their likes or dislikes. The couple should see this as an opportunity to create their own sexual template. Actually, for this age group, this is the time to try all different methods of sexual satisfaction and talk about what both of them are trying out if they want to keep it or trash it.

Sometimes, couples are clueless on what to say at this point to really heat sex up. You have to tell each other what you want. But for many young couples at this stage, talking about sex may sometimes be embarrassing. This can be especially true for women who may not realise that giving their partner some sexy instructions in bed is likely to turn them on.

To get comfortable with the kind of talk that drives men into action, a wife can try this slightly ridiculous game. This game lets you reveal where and how you want to be touched (as well as find out his hot spots) without saying a word. Just tell him you want to practise his favourite move but that he has to physically tell you what it is. Sit naked in the middle of the bed, facing each other. Lock eyes with him and fantasise about what you’d like him to do to you while he concentrates on what he wants you to do to him. As if that aren’t fun enough, try to read each other’s mind. After a few minutes, share your thoughts. By now you should both be hot enough to say anything and be ready to go ‘gaga.’

You can decide to do a ‘leave in message.’ It’s another way for each of you to communicate what you would like without saying a thing. Either of you may go all out to buy an erotic gift and leave a note on the fridge in the morning saying that you don’t mind changing position to a ‘kneeling down and taking off style.’ This style is so unique, it is not a regular style but a special one that you engage in when you want to have a time to remember. And while doing that, take note that to get the maximum pleasure, you have to take your time to slowly and passionately rip your clothes off in a wild ride, so as to really get to know every erotic spot on your mate.

You can even time yourselves to know how far you both can endure heavy foreplay before actual sex. For a start, set a timer for 20 minutes one day, 30 the next and 40 the day after (every other day could be a good idea). This will force you to figure out each other’s pleasure threshold. Or try this technique: put four little bells on four silky strings and tie one around both your spouse’s wrist and ankle. Then tell him or her not to jingle while you check out the body geography. Partners can learn a lot about what turns a partner on just by watching their facial expressions as they struggle to stay still.

Two… The age of 32 to 39 or thereabout, hormonally speaking, is a great time for couples. The man’s testosterone level is still high enough to keep him hot. However the man is not as frivolous as he was in his 20s, when a sideway glance at his wife could spark a raw fire within him and turn him on and keep him hard all day long. Those slightly lower levels of excitement may mean that he may have put any premature ejaculation problem behind him. And while the wife may have dry spells when she is pregnant or breastfeeding (both of which can decrease her sex drive), it is common for breastfeeding women to have inadequate vaginal lubrication. But experts agree that this is the age when most women hit their sexual stride.

In their 30s, majority of spouses are more confident with their bodies, their marriage spouses and their sexuality. They are less afraid to speak up about what they like, so they are more likely to have orgasms. Although the two of them may have come off that initial wild passionate sex, they may likely settle into what experts call the attachment stage: a period of closeness and contentment when both share a general sense of union and peace of mind. The kind of connection a couple in love shares at this stage drives up levels of oxytocin and vasopressin (the two chemicals that flood the brain with feelings of well-being). Here, they think of sex in the brain before the body. A research was carried out on couples within these age ranges to know the percentage of sex in the brain. Researchers wanted to know how much do these couples think about sex on a daily basis. The result was once a day, 34 per cent; once an hour, 44 per cent; whenever I hear love music, three per cent; I’m too busy to think of it much, 19 per cent.

Besides, it is at this stage that such couples are caring for kids and building careers, so they have less time for spontaneous sex. In fact, many ignorant spouses always complain that they are under duress, pressure, compulsion and threat for sex; they think the regular demand for sex from their spouse is cumbersome. But I usually tell them that this is the time to seize such opportunities because when such couples pass this age stage, their sexual taste bud dingles and they may not be able to enjoy such sexual luxuries anymore. I tell them that making sex truly sensational happens when they find ways to put it on their schedule, whether that means more quickies or making foreplay a part of everyday life. But whatever the case may be, the passions must not go off. You both can flood your sexual senses by carving out a day when you’re so tired that you can’t imagine wanting to get busy in bed. You can refocus with this relaxing but racy ritual, which will wake you and your husband’s senses up. Innocently invite him to “talk” over a favourite dish and your favourite music while you change out of your work clothes. Once you’ve stripped down to your underwear, lean over and lick his neck while unbuttoning his shirt. Next, work your way down to his nipples, where that tingling sensation will fill his head with sexy thoughts. Stimulating your senses is the best way to shut out distractions and ease your way into the bedroom. Even when you’ve got in the mood, you may still have to fit what you used to do in three hours into just a few minutes. This makes you both feel so connected to each other, and sex becomes even more intimate and soulful, no matter how swiftly you both do it.

‘Nothing spoil’ if both of you have an all-day foreplay in one of the weekends. It also helps if you’re ready to get it on before you hit the mattress. Find little ways to play around during the day. Creativity can help compensate for minimal mattress time. One woman I know writes sexy messages on her husband’s arm (they’re hidden under his sleeve during the day) and forbids him to read them until he gets to work. A man who I particularly admire puts rose petals on the overhead fan in the bedroom. When his wife turns it on, the room is showered with flowers. You both can savour those sleepless nights by just doing it, because a man’s testosterone level starts going up around 2 a.m. and keeps rising. It’s actually even better than morning sex because you are in a sort of altered state. And after you have made love, you can just roll over for a few more delicious hours of sleep. Think sex whenever you find yourselves up at an odd time; it is very pleasurable.

Three… Now let’s look into the age of 45 and above. This isn’t the most hormonally charged stage of marriage. The onset of peri menopause may mean that sex hormones are waning. Less estrogen means that the woman may not lubricate as quickly or easily as she used to. And the man’s lower testosterone level means that it’ll take more to get him turned on and that he’s not thinking about sex as often as he used to. Never mind. At this age, there’s plenty that is going on between the two of you to keep sex steamy. In fact, experts say many couples in their 40s say they enjoy making love now more than ever. At this point, you and your partner know exactly how to excite each other. The little traditions you have, such as making love on Saturday afternoon and slipping into Sunday morning. Kids are old enough to fend for themselves (if you still have young kids, try a mix of tips from this section and the previous one), so you have some quality time to be together alone.

Remember, when nature’s doing less to push you into the bedroom, just do it and do it. The more you make love, the more you think about making love. And the more you think about making love, the more you want to make love. But shake things up. Now is the perfect time to explore new moves, since after so many years together, you feel comfortable enough to try silly games with your mate or to just be erotically close together than ever before. Besides, at this age, men crave for some surprises. So, give your man something to reflect on.

If you’ve been noticing that it takes your husband a little longer to get it up these days, try this twist on the mirror-above-the-bed cliché. Next time you catch him standing in front of a full-length mirror, sneak up to him from behind with a handful of massage oil that heats up on contact and start stroking him slowly while he watches. Before long, the surprise of what he’s feeling combined with the sexy scene he’s watching will have him totally revved up. Men are visual creatures; nothing turns them on like a sexy image. Don’t stop there; prevent him from turning around to embrace you or from moving his eyes away from the mirror as you continue to stroke him. I am sure that both of you will enter another world, because the more you can shock your husband at this stage, the hotter he’ll get. Spread the sensation further. Since you’ve got all day to please each other, you may as well prolong the pleasure. Nothing stops you from kissing and caressing your husband’s penis until he’s on the verge of orgasm. Then shift your attention to other parts of his body. Alternate between genital and non-genital stimulation until he’s aroused to a state of being hypersensitive. Try to continue doing this for about 10 minutes. The longer you do this, the better. Then push him over the edge. His climax will radiate like shock waves through his entire body.

Four… The last stage is the neutral stage, this is a stage where some naturally endowed couples do not lose their sex taste bud at all at any given time, age or state, regardless of sickness, weakness or law of diminishing returns. These categories of spouse have been discovered to have special high sex gene taste-bud. Although rare but these spouses could either be male or female. I always advise partners married to such to do all they can to understand the fact that they have specially breed partners with rare sex taste-bud and that with or without age or law of diminishing returns, they will always demand for sex till when they are over age 100. Their high sex taste bud makes sex sweet at all times. They want sex at few hours’ interval and mostly on daily a basis and ironically it rejuvenates them, many of them reason better, take clearer decisions and perform at their highest immediately after sex, be it a woman or man.

Questions and answers

Help, my wife sexually harasses my friends

I think my wife loves sex more than life; she craves for sex like one is grasping for breath. It so bad I cannot leave her with friends because they [my friends complain that my wife harasses them sexually]. Is she a sex addict? Is there a way I can help her? My family is in support I put her away, what do you suggest?

Buriahmu Baba

I suggest you help your wife out of her addiction and not put her away. The term “sexual addiction” is used to describe the behaviour of a person who has an unusually intense sex drive or an obsession with sex. Sex and the thought of sex tend to dominate the sex addict’s thinking, making it difficult to work or engage in healthy marital relationships.

Sex addicts engage in distorted thinking, often rationalising and justifying their behaviour and blaming others for problems. They generally deny they have a problem and make excuses for their actions.

Sexual addiction also is associated with risk-taking. A person with sex addiction engages in various forms of sexual activity, despite the potential for negative and/or dangerous consequences. In addition to damaging the addict’s marital relationship and interfering with his or her work and life, a sexual addiction also puts the person at risk for emotional and physical injury.

I want to know if masturbation is wrong within a married home. We know masturbation is stimulating oneself but in Advance Learners’ Dictionary, it also means giving another person [ which here I believe could mean one’s spouse] sexual pleasure. Does that mean a couple masturbating each other is wrong?

Andrew Hope

Hi, Mr. Andrew, masturbation itself as you mention is giving oneself or another sexual pleasure. It is wrong with lots of negative health effects. It’s also known as solo sex. But when both husband and wife sexually stimulate themselves, this is not wrong although it may be called masturbation or aggravated, exaggerated, heightened, intensified foreplay.

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Beautiful fireworks need romance. Romance is like the goose while sex is like the golden egg. You don‘t kill the goose that lays the golden egg. Romance your partner at least once every other day, kiss for ten seconds every morning when you say good-bye and every evening when you say hello.

Hug each other for 20 seconds each day and flirt with each other. Even when there isn‘t time for sex, make sure your mate knows you want to have one with him or her at any available time. Leave a romantic message on your partner‘s phone or e-mail. Daydream about making love to your spouse while doing the laundry, dishes, and while at work or during your free time and so on. Once in a while, while getting ready for bed, light a scented candle and play romantic music on the radio or CD player. This is one of the best firework stimulants. Anytime the opportunity arises, give your spouse a one-minute shoulder rub.

Go as far as renting a romantic movie and watch it together after the children might have retired to their room. One of the secrets of sexual firework is that the fervour, closeness and passion must never be taken for granted because one in three men wishes their wives were better in bed.

Be generous outside of the bedroom with foot rubs, shoulder rubs and loving words. Little signs of affection can build up and put you both in a mood that you weren‘t necessarily expecting. ‘Nothing spoils‘ when husband and wife shower together before bed time, seeing the glistening body of each other is not only sexy, it sparks raw fire. No harm happens to the marriage union when partners play together. Go ahead and play a recreational co-ed team sport, with your partner. It will help keep you both fit, relieve of stress and it will enable you to work as a team. It builds camaraderie and spices things up in the bedroom. Note that while playing together, wives should remember to put on seductive underwear. Most men like white cotton panties, especially the ones that are seductively designed.

Elope with me type of sex

Don‘t forget to break away from the children‘s grip and everyday life chores by eloping once or twice a year and book a night in a hotel as it enables couples to let loose and focus on themselves once in a while. Go ahead, become each other‘s baby and share bedtime stories.

Celebration sex

Take the bull by the horn. You can‘t sit around waiting for someone to make you happy, and that goes for sexual happiness too. When there is a raise in salary, the arrival of a new car into your garage or something new and special happens in the family, you can think up an extraordinary way of celebrating it.

Compliment induced sex

Pay yourselves compliments as women expect and need compliments as much as men do. If he knows that you think he‘s sexy, he‘ll try harder in bed to please you and prove that you‘re right. With one compliment a week, firework flame comes alive.

Priority sex

In all you do as a couple, put sex first. Let it top your day-to -day priority. It‘s harder to find time together when the children are either toddlers or teenagers-they stay up later than you do and most times know what you are up to. So, sometimes you have to put your relationship first before the children; that could mean sneaking into the visitor’s room, the pent house or the master bedroom bathroom to have a short warm sexual escapade together. And it‘s worth it. The fact remains that when these children are long gone, it is what both of you practise now that you will continue to do. So, don‘t ignore your day-to-day activities and ‘hide-and-seek-game.’ If both of you are not sexually naughty now, you may both bore yourselves to death when they are long gone.

The pregnancy type of sex

Wives should not send their husbands on sabbatical leave for nine months on account of pregnancy as such husbands may not come back from the long vacation. Statistics indicate that our husbands frequently think about sex than their wives, and it is of topmost importance to them to sexually. It further says that the media, sexual menace, high immorality in the society is pointing to the fact that husbands want to come home to a ‘pure’ outlet. It does not matter if the wife is pregnant, nursing a baby or has reached menopause.

And for 90 per cent of these men, intense sexual relationship with their wives is more of physical and emotional tranquiliser; it enables them to relax afterwards. They solve life issues better after sex, become calm and relaxed. A sexually fulfilled man is a better giver, better lover and a better care-giver.

Therefore, pregnant and nursing wives should know that the sexual desire of their husbands is basically a matter of hormonal functions and regulations. It is also ‘ever-present’ and they need the physiological release. So, when a wife at any stage of motherhood maintains an enthusiastic sexual interaction in the marriage relationship, their husbands feel more secured and more desirable as he grows older. Such husbands are better fathers, providers and home makers. In all you do, put sex first if you want the firework back!!!

Questions!!! Answers!!!

I am tempted to sleep with other women

I need your help. Before I got saved and married, I slept with numerous women – some of them nearly strangers. Now, I love my wife very much and sex with her is okay. But it’s nothing like the intensity of sex before I got married. I still have strong desires to have sex with other women.

It’s a constant temptation I don‘t want to give in to. What can I do?

Godwin, Yola

Your dilemma highlights one of the most powerful reasons for abstinence from premarital sex and also curbing marital fidelity. The intensity of ‘forbidden’ sex creates an imprint in the mind that’s unfair to the enjoyment of long-term sex.

Marital sex is constrained by the realities of life – like crying kids, bills and last night‘s disagreement. These mundane demands often erode the passion of marriage, and there is not the same energy investment in having an exciting sexual time together again. Dealing with past memories of hot sex is part of managing your entire thought life. Your brain has pathways for memory retrieval of millions of stored images. The more you choose to replay those tapes, the easier and more intensely they come to life. You have a choice not to replay those tapes, but to plug into a different thought. With each temptation, you can exercise your will to say ”No.” Identify those old memories as destructive. Focus on your wife and family. Allowing outside images to interfere with your marital intimacy will destroy you and your loved ones.

I still have this big terrifying apprehension, please help

I am a regular reader of your column. I am having a problem with my fiancée, and I am in a fix about what to do. I started noticing some changes in her early this year when l told her that my manhood is embarrassingly small. Though I reassured her that the doctor I visited told me that there was no problem, that l can be a father, and that the size does not determine the function. But none of this has helped. She started misbehaving and threatened to leave me if I do not go for penis enlargement of any kind. She said she could not imagine herself marrying a man with a small penis (after forcing me to show her how it looks). The point is that I don‘t want to deceive any woman into marriage. I want to be sincere and honest with whosoever I marry. My question is, should I go for penis enlargement and how healthy and realistic is it?

Bala Momodu

Your doctor was right when he said that size has nothing to do with you being a father and you also did well informing your wife-to-be about your situation and challenge. It is quite unfortunate that she was misbehaving. I would sincerely say that if you are sure that that was the reason for her attitude, I think it is better you let her go. A woman that will love you for who you are will definitely come your way. As for the surgical enlargement of the penis, I am yet to see any successful one without a disadvantage in the long run.

Help, my wife sexually harasses my friends

I think my wife loves sex more than life; she craves for sex like one is grasping for breath. It is so bad I cannot leave her with friends because they [my friends complain that my wife harasses them sexually]. Is she a sex addict? Is there a way I can help her? My family is in support I put her away, what do you suggest?

Buriahmu Baba

I suggest you help your wife out of her addiction and not put her away. The term “sexual addiction” is used to describe the behaviour of a person who has an unusually intense sex drive or an obsession with sex. Sex and the thought of sex tend to dominate the sex addict’s thinking, making it difficult to work or engage in healthy marital relationships.

Sex addicts engage in distorted thinking, often rationalising and justifying their behaviour and blaming others for their problems. They generally deny they have a problem and make excuses for their actions.

Sexual addiction also is associated with risk-taking. A person with sexual addiction engages in various forms of sexual activity, despite the potential for negative and/or dangerous consequences. In addition to damaging the addict’s marital relationship and interfering with his or her work and life, a sexual addiction also puts the person at risk of emotional and physical injury.

What is the life cycle of a penis? I am not too comfortable with the rate the functionality of my penis declines by the day. When I hear how vibrant others are, I tend to be very sad. What do you have to say?

Timothy Lokoja

It is no secret that a man’s sexual function declines with age when adequate care, nurture and attention is not given to it. As a man’s testosterone level falls, it takes more to arouse him. Once aroused, he takes longer time to get an erection and to achieve orgasm and, following orgasm, to become aroused again. Age, un-wholesome diet bring marked declines in semen volume and sperm quality. Erectile dysfunction (ED), or impotence, is clearly linked to advancing years; between the ages of 40 and 70, the percentage of potent men falls from 60 per cent to roughly 30 per cent, studies show.

Men also experience a gradual decline in urinary function. Studies show that a man’s urine stream weakens over time, the consequence of weakened bladder muscles and, in many cases, prostate enlargement. That is not all. Recent research confirms what men have long suspected and, in some cases, feared: that the penis itself undergoes significant changes as a man moves from his sexual prime — around age 30 for most guys — into middle age and on to his dotage. There are two major changes. The head of the penis (glans) gradually loses its purplish colour, the result of reduced blood flow. In addition, there is a slow loss of pubic hair. “As testosterone wanes, the penis gradually reverts to its prepubertal, mostly hairless.

Weight gain is common, as men grow older. As fat accumulates on the lower abdomen, the apparent size of the penis changes. “A large pre-pubic fat pad makes the penile shaft look shorter, in some cases; abdominal fat all but buries the penis. One way I motivate my overweight patients is by telling them that they can appear to gain up to an inch in size simply by losing weight.”

In addition to this apparent shrinkage (which is reversible), the penis tends to undergo an actual (and irreversible) reduction in size. The reduction — in both length and thickness — typically is not dramatic but may be noticeable. “If a man’s erect penis is 6 inches long when he is in his 30s, it might be 5 or 5 and a half inches when he reaches his 60s or 70s.

What causes the penis to shrink? At least two mechanisms are involved. One is the slow deposition of fatty substances (plaques) inside tiny arteries in the penis, which impairs blood flow to the organ. This process, known as atherosclerosis, is the same one that contributes to blockages inside the coronary arteries — a leading cause of heart attack. Another mechanism involves the gradual build-up of relatively inelastic collagen (scar tissue) within the stretchy fibrous sheath that surrounds the erection chambers. Erections occur when these chambers are filled with blood. Blockages within the penile arteries — and increasingly inelastic chambers — mean smaller erections; however, the Chinese herbs can do wonders to the shrinking and dysfunction.

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Today by the special grace of God, we will be looking into the various changes in sex organs as people grow old. As much as change in human system js a normal part of aging, it can still be slowed down if we are mindful of what it takes.

Firstly, we will start with the male and the penis. Like everything in nature, the male penis goes through a series of change in the life of the man. Each phase is controlled mostly by the testosterone levels.

One… Somewhere between the ages of nine and 15, the male pituitary gland releases hormones that tell the body to start making testosterone. Puberty begins and brings changes. The testes (testicles), scrotum, penis, and pubic hair all begin to grow. Testosterone levels peak in your late teens to early 20s.

Sometimes, the amount of testosterone in the body may drop slightly in the late 20s through your 40s, but the change is minimal, all things being equal. What I mean by all things being equal here is the fact that such male did not experience premature ejaculation, weak erection, negative effect of masturbation, or any form of erectile dysfunction due to the use of drugs, such as weeds, marijuana or some over-the-counter abused drugs. Others are effect of some long-prescribed medications, overburdened stress, or bad eating and unhealthy life style. In an ideal situation, a male is not supposed to experience any unhealthy change both in his sexual system and in his sexual organs, namely the penis, scrotum, sperm ducts and the functionality of all these.

Two… After 40, the total levels of the testosterone may drop only a little. But the body slowly begins to make more of a protein called sex hormone binding globulin (SHBG). This sticks to the testosterone in the blood and lowers the amount the body has available to use.

Three… As testosterone levels fall, many male will notice these other change:

1… Pubic hair: Like the hair on the rest of the body, it will thin and may turn gray.

2… Penis size: You may notice that it doesn’t seem as large as it used to. The actual size probably hasn’t changed at all. But if you have more fat on the pubic bone just above your penis, that area can sag and make it look smaller. And if you are a man with lots of weight and pot belly, the penis will start shrinking inward. This is also as a result of the fat deposit at the base of the penis, as the fat increases in size and takes up all available space including the space at the base of the penis.

3… Penis shape: For a small number of men, it may curve with age. This can affect its length, girth, and function. This is especially possible for men who are prone to the condition called Peyronie’s disease. Physical trauma causes this usually because the shaft gets bent during sex. As it heals, scar tissue forms along the tunica albuginea, this is a tough sheath around the spongy tissue that fills with blood to create an erection. The scarred portion can’t expand, causing a curved erection. Recently has been researched that this condition can often be corrected surgically or treated with medications if you get to see a good physician.

Three… Testicles: The small organs inside the male scrotum mostly exist to make sperm. But as the testosterone levels fall, sperm production slows and they shrink.

Sometimes it is not very advisable for men to get hormone replacement therapy, because more than before, this procedure makes the pituitary gland to stop sending signals to your testes to make testosterone, and they will shrink more.

Four… Scrotum: Its job is to manage the temperature of your testes. It’s lined with smooth muscle that contracts and relaxes to pull your testicles close to your body to keep them warm or let them drop away and cool off. As you get older, the muscles don’t work as well and your scrotum stays in a more slackened position. Combine that with your skin’s natural decline in elasticity and the sagging gets worse. If a man is over 40, a hydrocele can also make the scrotum to sag. This happens when fluid builds up around one or both testicles. Maybe your body makes too much liquid or perhaps it can’t drain well. It’s generally painless but can be dangerous.

Five… Penis function: The nerves in your penis get less sensitive as you age, especially if you are addictive to masturbation or you get in and out of sexual transmission diseases, or you do not treat or pay attention to weak erection and premature ejaculation, it gets less sensitive faster. This can lead to trouble with arousal and having an orgasm. As testosterone levels drop, erectile dysfunction becomes more likely. You may lose rigidity and your ability to have intercourse.

Perhaps the most common culprit is the body’s inability to hold blood in the penis. When this happens, you may be able to get an erection but not keep it. Blood flows in, but the aging muscle that surrounds your erectile tissue can’t hold it there, and this always results in loss of hardness.

While the changes in male sex organs are very pronounced and prominent (because such changes can be seen immediately the man takes off his boxers or pants, and the effect can be very devastating if care is not taken) changes in female sex organs are not exempted either.

Six… when ladies are in their 20s, the pubic hair is totally all over the vulva and the organs have reached their adult size; except that in some cases the labia majora, (the outer “lips” that enclose the rest of vulva) may be a little bit thinning in some ladies. Don’t be shocked to see these looking slimmer. As you age, subcutaneous fat, including that of your genitals, decreases.

Seven… but when ladies get to their 30s, many start noticing some discoloration or dark shadows, regardless of your skin colour. This is majorly because of the hormone shifts that come with pregnancy or aging. This hormone shift can cause the labia minora, the “inner” lips that encircle the clitoris and vaginal opening, to darken in colour. I tell ladies that there is nothing to be worried about; it is a normal physiological change with the female.

Eight… the stretch marks that come with pregnancy as the uterus expands during pregnancy is not the only reason but also age. As a lady ages, most of the skin of the breast and tummy just starts producing stretch marks. Most of the time, this is more of hereditary than ageing and the best way to keep this is to stay on the lesser weight.

Nine… although the breast is not in the same location with the rest of the female sex organs, one of the reasons this organ experiences fast unattractive and sex-put-off changes as a woman ages is basically dependent on hereditary, the nature of its types and how it is being handled and cared for. I tell many women to make sure to use a good brassier and make sure that the nipple of the breast is always at the centre of the bra at all times. This helps the breast to be well supported and helps to a greater extent to put the breast in good shape. I also would love to say here that as a nursing mother, it is best to always bring the breast out from the top of the brassier than from under the bra. The effect of this is that it does not only pull on the breast, it destroys the ligament of the breast while the pull is on and when the pull is too often.

Nine… when a woman gets into her 40s, her release of egg supply for menstrual cycle dwindles rapidly. She may still ovulate and get her period, but her cycles are a bit shorter and tend to stop altogether by age 51, this sometimes may not be the same for all women but majority of them experience this which is called menopause.

Ten… the female vulva thins out and the pelvic muscle weakens out in early 50s because the reproductive organs are supported by a workload of some tendons, tissue and muscle. When a woman is in her 50s, the tendency of extra pounds, aging, or years of high-impact childbirths process, mismanaged vaginal deliveries can loosen this pelvic floor, straining organs and causing bladder leakage or a “heavy” feeling down below. But the good news here is that with Kegel exercise, these ailments can be easily rectified in months.

Eleven… the lower estrogen levels affect the vagina’s acid-alkaline balance, which can spur inflammation—along with thinning and drying of the vaginal walls, which can cause itching, burning, and redness. But many women who have reported victory over this says that their engagement in regular sex can prevent this atrophy. Well, there is no harm in trying this out, after all you have nothing to lose by this, rather you will be bonded more to your husband.

Questions and answers

Please is this normal?

My husband runs a local chemist where he sells over the counter drugs. He usually insists I use hydrogen peroxide to clean up immediately after sex, insisting that it will help prevent staph and syphilis infection. But when I contend it has a burning sensation on me, he still insists that I should go on using it. Can this prevent me from having children whenever I am ready?

Chemist owner’s wife

Hmmm, I know hydrogen peroxide to be one of those essentials in any first aid kit, which when put on injury, it bubbles up, stings a bit, and then heals up as bandage is applied. Hydrogen peroxide or H2O2, is very chemically similar to water, except that it has an extra oxygen atom.

This extra oxygen atom is easily expunged to react with its environment, often at the expense of living microorganisms in its vicinity. In other words, hydrogen peroxide is able to disinfect and sanitise at the microbial level. But I am not sure it prevents pregnancy especially if both of you engaged in active thrusting in and out. The moment his penis enters into your vagina, there may likely be a deposit of sperm inside you that may lead to pregnancy one of these days. I think you should show him what hydrogen peroxide does since he runs a chemist which are listed below.

Destruction of viruses- Three drops of HP in each ear, and let drain, will eliminate earwax and any viruses that like to fester such as “swimmers ear”.

Elimination of pesticides- Soak vegetables in ¼ cup of HP and 3 cups of water for 30 minutes. After rinse, store in the fridge (ensure that your vegetables are healthy and whole to prevent from solution sinking into the product)

Kills off airborne germs- Mixing 1 pint of HP with 1 gallon of water and pouring into a humidifier will kick airborne germs in the bud, cleansing your air!

Clean toothbrush-Leaving a moist toothbrush overnight isn’t the best for oral hygiene. Soak in HP and you’re all set!

Helps with foot fungus-Mix together a 1:1 ratio of HP and water in an amber bottle and keep away from sunlight, apply to fungus directly.

Remove organic stains- Anything like sweat, blood, wine, or food stains can be dissolved with HP and a little laundry detergent.

Protection from swimmer’s ear-I bring this up in the form of a routine of cleansing your ear as a preventative measure, rather than a one-time fix as I had before.

Body detoxification- 1 cup of 35% HP in a bath for a 30-minute soak, and then shower as per usual!

Household cleaner-As a sanitising agent, HP is remarkably well-suited for the job! Use as a general, multi-surface cleaner!

Contact lenses cleaner- In a diluted solution of HP, leave your contact lenses to soak in it overnight!

Refresh reusable shopping bags- Especially if you carry packages of meat that are not always tightly packed and give under duress, do some sanitising with HP!

Glass cleaner- Allow HP to sit on a mirror and bubble before wiping away!

Lunchbox disinfector- Lunches that leak can provide a shock under the microscope, use HP to cleanse it!

It does not prevent STDs or pregnancies

There’s a burning sensation when I pee after having sex

Funmi I experience burning sensation whenever I pee especially after sex. I always make sure I pee right before sex, and this is mostly happening every now and then.

Mrs. Burrata Ogongo

Actually, the friction of thrusting in and out could have irritated the urethra, which is a common thing. Vaginal dryness and prolonged intercourse could contribute. Soaking in a warm bath after sex can provide some relief. Using lubricants during sex may prevent this from happening again. If you notice pain only after the urine touches your vulva, it’s likely the latter. Pain that persists or gets worse as you continue to empty your bladder is more likely to be a bladder infection

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One truth has been on for a long time now and I think it is a truth that will be with us for life. That truth is, if you don’t stop learning, you will not stop accumulating knowledge and knowledge, they say, is power and strength. So today, as our custom is on this platform, we are going to be digesting some truth that will add value to the marriages of our readers out there and will enhance their sexual strength. So, read on.

Research has shown that sex for men is usually get set, ready, go; they are always on the move and that makes it so interesting for them. But the case of the wives is a bit complicated. Lots of strings are attached to their sexuality and sexual enjoyment. One topmost challenge is that many wives just don’t know what to do to keep their sex life as interesting as that of their husbands’. So, let’s digest these 20 nuggets for best sex ever.

1… Wife, your husband wants more foreplay, woo you. I am sure you will think it is only women that cherish foreplay alone, Well, the clear majority of husbands said they would love and they expect foreplay to last at least for 15 minutes or longer, this does not only help them calm down; it takes them back to their venerability stage that makes them want to abandon themselves totally to their soul mate one more time. So, wives, slow-burning sex isn’t better only for you. Longer foreplay helps husbands harmonise with their wives, giving them confidence and, as a result, better control over ejaculation. Many husbands know that it takes their wives longer to become aroused. So, relax and take your time and give your husband a good foreplay. He’ll love watching you. This will definitely spur him on, and when he stimulates you with his hand, guide him to show him how you like to be touched. Your magic phrase? “Like this.” That’s all—he’ll get the picture. Slip one hand down his backside and pull his pelvis toward you, showing him the motion that turns you on. During sex, switch positions—you on top. Slowly kiss him along his neck and collar bone. Linger by his belt line, looking up at him as you kiss his abdomen. Then go down on him slowly, looking up at him as you take him into your mouth—which husbands find to be an incredible turn on.

2… Use such moment like this to find out what he likes and just ask. Husbands can be shy about telling their wives what really turns them on and how they like to be touched down there. So, ask. Your permission to be open will create a safe, comfortable atmosphere that can turn into some really hot sex. Ask, ask, and ask your way into his heart and secretly become familiar with his frenulum, one of the most sensitive areas of the penis, which is on the underside of the head. Playful licks and light pressure to the frenulum often coax more blood into the penis for even harder erections. When stimulating him manually, wrap your hand around his penis so that the fleshy pads of your fingers, not the fingertips, rub over the frenulum. Try using a lubricant and if none is available, your saliva will do the trick and make sure your mouth is washed and clean so that you do not develop vaginal thrush infection after sex. This will make the experience more pleasurable for both of you. Place his hand over yours so he can guide you up and down just the way he likes it.

To double his pleasure, stimulate another erogenous zone while playing with his penis— his testicles, his nipples, belly button. Lick the nerve-rich seam running down the middle of his scrotum, then gently push up against the base of his testicles with your hand. That’s a way to arouse his prostate, the sensitive gland known as the male G-spot

3… Wife, please keep the lights on if he wants it that way or keep it off if that’s what he wants. There’s nothing sexier than a wife who lets her guard down in bed. Your husband loves when he can see and feel your body, and the biggest turnoff for him is your acting embarrassed after many years of marriage with children. I would rather you create an environment where you can enjoy yourselves and do whatever you need to relax and feel beautiful. Trust me; he doesn’t see the imperfections that your mind tends to zero in on—all he knows is that he loves you in your totality and your body.

4… You just have to be more assertive. As much as many husbands like to be in control, the bedroom is one place where they would like to see their wives take more control and be the one to initiate sex. Most wives do not know that when they take charge, they are just affirming their complete and total desire for their husbands. This singular act makes the men very vulnerable and easy to display his total love and care. Even outside of the bedroom, wear strapless dresses that flash a bit of flesh. Wear his shirts around the house. Leaving something to be imagined will drive him wild as men get turned on even more by what they can’t see. Slip into the shower with him and soap him up. When you are shifting from one sex position to another, take him into your mouth and look up at him for a few seconds, then turn around and offer him rear entry. These are just some secret desires I have heard from husbands who are not bold enough to tell their wives but would rather pay a call girl for, or a co-worker at work.

5… Wives, do you know the biggest sexual turn on secret for your husband is simply your unbridled enthusiasm for sex with him in particular and not much of your performance such as the oral sex, or the dog position, nor a new sex toy, or new lubricant, or new lingerie. It’s your unbridled enthusiasm and confidence in bed. Remember that men are action-and accomplishment-oriented. So, it is exciting for him to know that he is pleasing you, that you want him and are enjoying him as much as he’s enjoying you, don’t lay down there like a log of wood and casually tell him to inform you when he is done. This among many other things, leads to erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation and loss of libido.

The more interactive sex is the better sex for him and for you. Eighty-seven per cent of husbands say “just lying there” is a dangerous and serious turn off, and 57 per cent say that silence or lip-shut all the way through the sexual act is a sexual letdown. That doesn’t mean that you need to have an orgasm to make him feel whole. Don’t put that kind of pressure on yourself or him. But you’ll satisfy him by letting him know what feels good to you and what he’s doing right. Grip the sheets. Grab the headboard. Moan into his ear and talk sexy. Plead for more. Demand intensity. Direct the game.

All great sexual encounters between married spouses deliver a sense of validation that you really have something special between you both. For instance, your over-the-top passion can help your husband feel closer to you emotionally. This is an aspect many husbands say is one of the most important elements of unforgettable sex.

6… Have you ever thought of springing up special surprises for him such as just keeping your underwear [ pant] on and seductively make your husband just move it to one side of your body and enters you on the same side of the pant? Try it tonight. A wife once told me while suggesting this to her that the way her husband pulls the fabric aside caused it to rub against her clitoris, which felt really great and made it become occasional sexual habits in their home.

Or sometimes, when you come home from work, simply just ask your husband to help undress you, which can become a code for ‘you want sex and you don’t want any other person in the room knows what is going on’. It’s really going to be wonderful for your husband to know sex is on the agenda as soon as you walk into the door.

7… Don’t sit too much afar from one another while watching TV together in the room or living room, give room for body contact. You can put his hand inside your blouse or your shirt or top wear, in a very secretive manner and have him caress, romance and touch your nipples. An hour of breast play gets any woman of any age or any number of children super ready and in the mood for great sex. Please these little little things keep the man of the house in the house and not on the street looking for what is abundantly at home on the street.

8… Be mindful of some random thing that can affect his erection and handle them wisely. When husband’s erection faces difficulties, you can suggest that both of you try spending the night some place more secluded, for his sake. It turns out that lack of privacy plays a significant factor in male sexual dysfunction. Having children in the house and figuring out to pay bills can make the erection go off and also doubles the risk of feeling a little too exposed and under pressure.

Questions!!! Answers!!!

Should I or should I not?

Can I leave my pubic hair growing and tend it the way I do the hair on my head? My husband wants it on and shady and busy and fuller but I think it is not healthy. Please, what is your take on this matter?

Oyinmubo Cecilia

The pubic hair which is also popularly called the ladies’ magic carpet, is part of the female sex organ that acts as a cover for the vagina. Although many believe it must be constantly shaved because it turns out as a breeding ground for bacteria. But the truth is that there’s no question that being hair-free in this area makes the area completely cleaner and free from germs. Some think that the pubic hair protects from genital warts and STDs that result from skin-to-skin contact. However, this is a wrong assumption because pubic hair alone is not enough to protect against STDs. In fact, it could help the virus thrive. Many also leave it on and tend it just for sex and sexuality reason or for fantasy and preference reasons. Many married couples think pubic hair leads to less friction between the sheets, making sex time a bit smoother. And in reality, pubic hair does help cushion and protect the area. While others prefer the more intense feeling that happens when they are hair-free and shaven. In theory, you can get more direct stimulation without the pubic hair acting as obstruction. It depends on what you and your husband prefer and how much stimulation or pressure you both require to achieve orgasm. However, in your case, I would rather you do what your husband says since he is the one that visits the site often and regularly. It’s just simple wisdom to do what will please him because that may be one of his triggers, fantasy, or preferences. Because there are some evidence that pubic hair could be a turn-on for most men.

I have yeast infection in excess

I recently changed my underwear to the string type and since then, I seem to be getting more yeast infections.

Ibbilokoe Kate

Hi Kate, although wearing that thin strip of fabric may save you from the dreaded visible panty lines, which is the reason many ladies go for the string panties, but it also serves as a super highway for microbes. When the underwear hits your perineum (the patch of skin between the vagina and the anus), bacteria hitch a ride straight to your vagina. The string pant is actually a connector. I need you to know that your movement helps this infection because as you move, the fabric in-between you shifts and before you know what is going on, you’ve got a yeast infection. To make matters worse, strings tend to rub, causing tiny tears in the delicate skin around your vulva and clitoris, creating access for microbes. If you must wear string panties, make sure they are cotton or have a cotton crotch. The breathable fabric keeps you drier, so bacteria can’t grow as easily.

You might also consider growing out your pubic hair. Hair serves as a barrier between you and your panties, so leaving more pubic hair on provides cushioning for your vulva. And don’t wear strings when you exercise.

Should I start getting worried?

I have been married for three years now. At first, we wanted to enjoy ourselves, more so I went on pills. But now, we need babies and I have gone off pills but I haven’t had a period since I went off the pill. I am not pregnant, yet can I start getting worried?

New wife

The hormones that are used in birth control pills can interfere with those your body naturally produces to cause ovulation and menstruation. They can do this for some time after stopping the pill. The absence of a menstrual period called post-pill amenorrhea, is not uncommon, especially if your cycle was irregular to begin with.

If you still haven’t got your period within three months of tossing your last pill pack, YOU can schedule an appointment with your gynaecologist. Amenorrhea can be a symptom of other health issues. But personally, I think you should just relax and chill. Your babies will come when they are ready and when you are more relaxed and settled.

Is she okay please?

It feels like a tiny water balloon is growing in my wife’s vagina. I feel this any time we are making love. It’s so prominent that it rubs against my penis while thrusting in and out. And each time I tell her to see the doctor, she says it is not a problem but part of her female anatomy. But I have had reason to have sex with other ladies before and none of them had this type of thing in their vagina. Please, what do you think?

Mr. Jason Chimdi

If you feel this thing on both sides of her vaginal wall, it may likely be a clogged Bartholin duct. These two tiny tubes on either side of her vagina secrete lubrication in conjunction with the Bartholin’s glands (two pea-sized organs under the skin) when she becomes sexually aroused. Sometimes secreted lubrication gets trapped in the duct, causing a soft, squishy cyst that swells near the vaginal opening.

However, clogged Bartholin ducts are usually benign and don’t require treatment. She may be able to unplug the duct simply by sitting in a warm antiseptic bath water for 20 minutes two or three times a day, or a sizth bath. If it looks like a pea and goes away on its own, then it was probably temporarily clogged, and there might not be a reason to be worried about it. But if the cyst becomes painful or increases in size, then she has to see a doctor, who will most likely recommend a procedure called marsupialization. This treatment involves draining the cyst, then sewing the cyst wall to the outer skin to create a new duct. It will heal in about a month.

Copyright PUNCH. All rights reserved. This material, and other digital content on this website, may not be reproduced, published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed in whole or in part without prior express written permission from PUNCH.

Caring for new born babies takes a lot of time and can sap you of energy. Reclaiming your sex life after you have a child is a challenge that most couples face. Although it is difficult, it’s doable. The most important thing is to have some reasonable expectations of yourself and your body and you will get back into the sexual swing of things.

Many couples have asked me over and again how they can get the green light for sex after having their baby. I need to say that before you start sex post-delivery, kindly make sure you do not have any postpartum vaginal discharges [ lochia]. Most new mothers can resume sex from the fourth day of delivery to the fourth and sixth week following delivery, regardless of whether you had a normal vaginal delivery or a C/section. Having sex before the discharge stops can put you at risk of infection. Some women need a lot of stitches during childbirth and this can also put sex on hold for a longer period.

Couples must understand that it is not that sex is totally forbidden after delivery, but the lack of sleep smothers many new mothers’ sex drive. And one of the biggest obstacles to resuming sexual activities is the overwhelming fatigue that accompanies the care for the newborn. For several months, most new babies require feeding every two to three hours round the clock. As a matter of fact, according to research, it has been estimated that 30 per cent of babies do not sleep through the night at nine months and many do cry throughout the night. This demand and lack of sleep can cause new moms to not only lose sexual desire and sensation, it renders them powerless for craving and pleasure.

The irony of new baby’s demand is that it also has its toll on the new father, which means lack of sleep also smothers the sex drive of new fathers. The fact remains that most new dads are more interested in sex, even if they are tired as well. The point here is that men crave sex to help them feel emotionally close to their wives, and also to relax, and most men can have sex on the go, while most wives need more than enough and lots of foreplay to become aroused.

I usually tell married couples that one of the greatest, finest, unsurpassed and best sex facilitators is good, appropriate and timely communication between the couple. So there is a need for the married couples to talk with and to each other if either of the spouses is so tired, so that both of you will fathom out other ways both of you can get rest, so you both can get into the mood for sex. You can start by asking your spouse or any available relative to watch the baby so you can take a nap or try to have sex in the morning after both of you have rested, or try and work around the best timing for both of you.

I also need to say this, after giving birth, the hormonal level of the woman changes a lot. As a matter of fact, the oestrogen level decreases. This can cause a lack of vaginal lubrication, which may make sex less pleasurable and even very painful. Although lubrication issues usually go away when the woman stops breast-feeding and after the menstrual cycle begins, but if this is the case with any couple, it is wise for a tropical lubricant to be used to reduce irritation and aid pleasure.

Besides the low level of oestrogen, there can also be the increase supply of protactine hormones. This is the hormones that help and assist in breast feeding

Many new mothers have reported cases of loneliness, aloofness and feeling of being sad, anxious, irritated and loss after childbirth; different strokes for different folks. And when such feelings are not identified and dealt with, they do interfere with sexual desire and may even persist for longer than the couples can handle. As much as breast feeding is good for the baby and also good for the new mother to bond with their newborn, it may also get in the way of couple’s sex life. The act of constant nursing or pumping milk can make breast feel tender, sore or hurtful. And with this experience, many women may not want to be touched there at all. I usually tell married spouses that if they are worried and concerned about the leakage or tenderness, they should try to keep their bra on during sex. Besides, the amount of energy spent in breast feeding and nursing a baby can make a new mum feel like a baby feeding machine. It may make her feel emotionally unattractive and can hinder sexual feelings.

The truth remains that the body of a nursing mother changes inside and out. But how a new mother feels about her new post-baby body can have a very big impact on her feeling of sexuality. Most women gain too much weight in a typical pregnancy and many women get lots of horrible stretch marks, while a C-section can leave a scar formation and the episiotomy could make the vagina look so unattractively funny. All these may make a woman think she cannot be whole again and feel a bit sad about her body; it may make her feel self-conscious to accept the changes. But I need to tell a new mother that in reality, your husband is actually not viewing you the way you are viewing yourself. While you are disvaluing yourself, he is actually adding much more value to you for the joy of making him a proud father and so on. And I would also say that you can still engage in some moderate exercises and also watch what you eat. Do not shy away from trying on new sexy lingerie that can cover some new problems areas.

Vaginal delivery may or has also over-stretched the vaginal walls which can decrease friction and reduce sexual enjoyment. And it will take some kegel exercises and pelvic wall exercises for the muscle tone to return to that area in proper proportion.

It has been however discovered that lack of interest in sex after having a new baby from either both the new mother and father could be more than just physical. There may be some issues going on in the relationship that may need to be examined. You both may need to ask yourselves, ‘what is making us uncomfortable with sex? A common feeling may actually be resentment at being stuck with the baby all alone at home by yourself, changing diapers, nursing and looking unattractive while your husband goes outside the house and spends time with friends. Or it may be the fact that the presence of the husband in the labour room and seeing the baby coming out of the vagina; this may become an issue he can’t bring himself to agree with; making him to view the vagina as not a sexy object he used to cherish. Or the feeling that the baby has taken over his wife and all the attention, care and love is showered on the baby.

I always tell couples to try and explore all other alternatives. They should please remember that sex is not just about intercourse, sex is also about pleasuring each other and there are many ways to do just that. Have you both considered oral sex? How about manual stimulation or erotic massage for intimacy? Even if or when you are not feeling sexual, you must try to connect with yourselves by kissing, hugging, holding hands or cuddling.

And if you will please don’t ignore this, you both have to schedule sex. The reason being that the first year with a newborn is very physically and emotionally demanding and many married couples may have to realise their sex lives may not be the same as they were before the baby arrived. However, most sexual issues women experience following childbirth improve within the same very first year. Even so, sexual activity does not return but adjustment makes it lovely. All new parents need to do is reschedule and tag along with the change. If you are both fine with not having sex as much, you are okay. But it is not about how much sex you are having or not but how much you both are genuinely happy with your new life changes and how fast you both adjust to the new change and still have the best of family life together.

Questions and answers

Can I be in my menopausal stage at age 27?

Hello! I am a 27-year-old woman who has had a successful pregnancy – no miscarriages. I have been on hormonal birth control pills for about 10 years with only a few breaks. But in the past six months, I have had a range of symptoms that have got progressively worse. My question is, can a 27-year or a 20 plus mother enter into a menopause? I am experiencing many strange things in my body and my doctor said it could be early menopause. I am afraid of this finding, please help.

Kimberley Omotesho Silver

Actually, with the level of your usage of hormonal birth control pills close to 10 years, any alteration may affect your normal hormonal balance which can be a low oestrogen level leading to early menopause. In some other people, it could start with deep vaginal pain with intercourse and a burning, raw feeling in the vagina after intercourse. As a matter of fact, it is possible to experience a worsening of pain with intercourse along with night sweats, hot flashes, more painful and longer lasting periods, dizziness, chest pains, heart palpitations, headaches (almost daily), dry skin and eyes, and irritability along with frequent bouts of crying, even after being treated further with some of the artificial hormones. This is because your Ethinyl estradiol levels may have become so much less than normal and your FSH would have been low because Ethinyl estradiol is a strong estrogen and suppresses your FSH (which is the reason many doctors or family planning officers use it for birth control.). And you need to be off the pill for at least a month to six weeks to get a really good read as to what your own normal hormones are up to. It would be very unusual for you to be menopausal (but not impossible). This also may be because you may have an issue with either your pituitary gland or the hypothalamus. However, it is very important for you to see an endocrinologist but the most important decision for you now is to stop the use of any birth control pills; go off any medication and look for helping herbs. There are some herbs that help female reproductive organs such as Red clover, black cohosh, blue cohosh, uva ursi and turmeric. But if you have to go for medication, it is advisable not to ever mix meds with herbs or supplements.

I am just very ashamed

Why do I have a curved erection? I experience this shameful painful curve penis especially when I have full erection. There is this ugly scare formation that painfully and usually turns my penis sideways when erect. I was told I was born this way. I have over the years tried to straighten it up but the more I try the more injuries I sustain and the more scare formation I see. Is this also another form of erectile dysfunction because I can’t go near a lady? Oh, help me.

Driscoll Richard

From your explanation, maybe this could be Peyronie’s disease. Peyronie’s disease is caused by a plaque under the skin of the penis that results in a bent, or curved penis when erect. A Peyronie’s plaque may result from injury to the penis and/or genetic factors; however, the exact cause of Peyronie’s disease is still much more unknown. Peyronie’s disease is unlikely to go away on its own and may get worse over time with age. Three to nine per cent of adult males, worldwide, are estimated to have Peyronie’s disease and it occurs more often in men between 40 and 70 years old. Some men may think that it’s erectile dysfunction; however, it is more of a “plaque” that can be felt and a curve in the penis greater than 30 degrees. Researchers have identified some injection that may be very effective. This injection is injected into the scar tissue or Peyronie’s plaque and works to help weaken and break down the plaque. This along with gentle stretching and straightening activities can help to straighten the curve in the erect penis caused by Peyronie’s disease. Howbeit, I will suggest you ask a medical doctor or a sex therapist for such.

Loss of appetite immediately after sex stress

There is this thing that has uncomfortably come to stay in my life, and that is extreme loss of appetite immediately after sex. Sometimes it takes up to two to three days for my appetite to come back. This happens mostly after sex, be it in the morning or night. I am afraid if this is going to have effect on my general health. When I started being sexually active, the reverse was the case. Then, I would be very hungry and could eat more than usual. Please help.

Sylvanus Ugoji

Hi, have you observed your stress level lately, because when you get stressed, your body reacts as if it’s in danger. Your brain releases chemicals, including adrenaline, that make your heart beat faster and slow your digestion. That can curb your appetite. This is called the fight-or-flight response, and it lasts only a short time. If you’re stressed over a long period, this experience might become a long-time issue. Then are you on any long-time medications? Many medicines can have appetite loss as a side effect. Some of the most common ones include antibiotics, antifungals, and muscle relaxants. Drugs that treat migraines, high blood pressure, diabete can also affect your hunger. Have you also checked your thyroid function level? Your thyroid hormones control how your body turns food into energy. When that gland doesn’t make enough of those, your body functions slow down.

Aging is another thing that can make you lose appetite for long. Up to 30 per cent of older people have less of an appetite than they used to. It can happen for a number of reasons. As you age, your digestion slows, so you tend to feel fuller for longer. Your sense of smell, taste, or vision may also get weaker. This can make food less appealing.

Copyright PUNCH. All rights reserved. This material, and other digital content on this website, may not be reproduced, published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed in whole or in part without prior express written permission from PUNCH.

Caring for new born babies takes a lot of time and can sap you of the energy you used to devote to your husband. Reclaiming sex life after child birth is a challenge most couples face. Although it is difficult, it is doable. The most important thing is to have some reasonable expectations of yourself and your body and you will get back into the sexual swing.

Many couples have asked me over and again how they can get the green light for sex after having their baby. I need to say that before you start post-delivery sex, make sure you do not have any postpartum vaginal discharge. Having sex before the discharge stops can put you at risk of infection.

Most new mothers can resume sex from the fourth day after delivery to the fourth week after delivery, regardless of whether they had a vaginal delivery or a C/Section. Some women need a lot of stitches after childbirth and this can also put sex on hold for a longer period.

Men must understand that it is not that sex is totally forbidden after child birth but the lack of sleep smothers many new mothers’ sex drive. And one of the biggest obstacles of resuming sexual activities is the overwhelming fatigue that accompanies the care for the newborn. For several months, most new born babies require feeding every two to three hours round the clock. According to research, it has been estimated that 30 per cent of babies do not sleep at night and many cry all through the night. This demand and lack of sleep can cause new moms not only to lose sexual desire and sensation; it outrightly renders them powerless for sexual craving and pleasure.

Then again, the irony of a new baby’s demand is that it also has its toll on the new father, which means lack of sleep also stifles the sex drive of new fathers. But most new dads are still interested in sex, even if they are tired. The point here is that men crave sex to help them feel emotionally close to their wives and also to relax. Most men can have sex at a whim, while most wives need more than enough foreplay to become aroused.

I usually tell married couples that one of the greatest, finest, unsurpassed and best sex facilitator is good and timely communication between the couple. So, there is a need for the married couple to talk with and to each other if either of the spouse is so tired and it is affecting his/her sexual desire. In that regards, both of them could fashion out other ways they could get rest and later get in the mood for sex. The wife could start by asking her spouse or any available relative to watch the baby so she could take a nap. Also, both of them could try to have sex in the morning after they must have rested.

I also need to say this that after giving birth, the hormonal level of the woman changes a lot. As a matter of fact, the oestrogen levels decreases. This can cause lack of vagina lubrication, which may make sex less pleasurable and even very painful. But the lubrication issues usually go away when the woman stops breast-feeding and also after the menstrual cycle begins again. Aside from the low oestrogen, there can also be the increase supply of protactine hormones. This is the hormone that helps in breast feeding.

Many new mothers have reported cases of loneliness and feeling of sadness, anxiety and irritation after childbirth. When such feelings are not identified and dealt with, they do interfere with sexual desire and may even persist for longer than the couples can handle. As much as breast feeding is good for the baby and also good for the new mother to bond with her newborn, it may also get in the way of a couple’s sex life. The act of constant nursing can make the breast feel tender, sore or hurtful. And with this experience, many women may not want to be touched there at all.

I usually tell married women that if they are worried and concerned about the leakage or tenderness, they should try wearing bra during sex.

Also, the amount of energy spent in breast feeding and nursing a baby can make a new mum feel like a baby feeding machine and also make her feel emotionally unattractive and can even hinder sexual feelings.

The truth remains that the body of a nursing mother changes inside and outside. But how a new mother feels about her new post-delivery body can have a very big impact on her feeling of sexuality. Most women gain so much weight in a typical pregnancy and many women get lots of horrible stretch marks. A C-section can leave a scar formation and the episiotomy can make the vagina look so unattractively funny. All these may make a woman think she cannot be ‘whole’ again and she may feel a bit sad about her body.

But I need to tell many new mothers that in reality, your husband is actually not viewing you the way you are viewing yourself. While you are devaluing yourself, he is actually adding much more value to you for the joy of making him a proud father and so on.

I would also say that you can still engage in some moderate exercises and also watch what you eat. Do not shy away from trying on new sexy lingerie that can cover some new problematic areas.

Vagina delivery may have also over-stretched the vagina walls, which can decrease friction and reduce sexual enjoyment. But it would take some kegel exercises and pelvic wall exercises to help here for the muscle tone to return to proper proportion.

It has also been discovered that lack of interest in sex after having a new baby from either both the new mother and father could be more than just physical. There may be some issue going on in the relationship that may need to be examined. You both may need to ask yourselves, ‘what is making us uncomfortable with sex?’ A common feeling may actually be resentment at being stuck with the baby all alone at home by yourself, changing diapers, nursing and looking unattractive while your husband goes outside the house and spends time with friends. Or it may be the fact that the husband was present in the labour room at the birth of the baby and seeing the baby come out of the vaginal becomes an issue he can’t bring himself to agree with, making him to view the vagina as not the sexy object he used to cherish again.

Finally, I always advocate for couples to try and explore all other alternatives. Please remember that sex is not just about intercourse; sex is also about pleasuring each other and there are many ways to do just that. Have you both considered oral sex both for the man and the wife? How about manual stimulation or erotic massage for intimacy? Even if or when you are not feeling sexual, you must try to connect with yourselves by kissing, hugging, holding hands or cuddling.

And if you will, please don’t ignore this – you both have to schedule sex. The reason being that the first year with a newborn is very physically and emotionally demanding and many married couples may have to realise their sex life may not be the same as it was before the baby arrived. However, most sexual issues women experience following childbirth improve within the same year.

Questions!!! Answers!!!

Can I be in my menopausal stage at 27?

I am a 27-year-old woman and I have had one successful pregnancy – no miscarriage. I have been on hormonal birth control pills for about 10 years with only a few breaks. But in the past six months, I have had a range of symptoms that have got progressively worse. My question is, can a 27-year-old mother enter into menopause? I am experiencing many strange things in my body and my doctor said it could be early menopause. I am afraid of this finding, please help.

Kimberley Omotesho Silver

Actually, with the level of your usage of hormonal birth control pills for close to 10 years, any alteration may affect your normal hormonal balance which can be a low oestrogen level leading to early menopause. In some other people, it could start with deep vaginal pain with intercourse and a burning, raw feeling in the vagina after intercourse. As a matter of fact, it is possible to experience a worsening of pain with intercourse along with night sweats, hot flashes, more painful and longer lasting periods, dizziness, chest pains, heart palpitations, headaches (almost daily), dry skin and eyes, and irritability along with frequent bouts of crying, even after been treated further with some of the artificial hormones. This is because your Ethinyl estradiol levels may have become so much less than normal and your FSH may have being low because Ethinyl estradiol is a strong oestrogen, and suppresses your FSH (which is why many doctors or family planning officers use it for birth control). You need to be off the pill for at least a month to six weeks to get a really good read as to what your own normal hormones are up to. It would be very unusual for you to be menopausal (but not impossible). This also may be because you may have an issue with either your pituitary gland or the hypothalamus. However, it is very important for you to see an endocrinologist. But the most important decision best for you now is to stop the use of any birth control pills. Stay off any medication and look for herbs that could be of help. There are some herbs that help female reproductive organs and they may be of help to you. Some of them include clover, black cohosh, blue cohosh, uva ursi and turmeric. But if you have to go for medication, it is advisable not to ever mix them with herbs or supplements.

I am just ashamed

Why do I have a curved erection? I experience this shameful and painful curved penis especially when I have full erection. There is this ugly scar formation that usually turns my penis sideways when it is in erection. I was told I was born this way. I have over the years, tried to straighten it up but the more I try, the more injuries I sustain and the more scar formation I see. Is this also another form of erectile dysfunction because I can’t go near a lady? Oh, help me.

Driscoll Richard

From your explanation, maybe this could be Peyronie’s disease. Peyronie’s disease is caused by a plaque under the skin of the penis that results in a bent or curved penis when erect. A Peyronie’s plaque may result from injury to the penis and/or genetic factors. However, the exact cause of Peyronie’s disease is still unknown. Peyronie’s disease is unlikely to go away on its own and may get worse over time with age. A statistics of three to nine per cent of adult males worldwide, are estimated to have Peyronie’s disease. Some men may think that it’s erectile dysfunction. However, it is more of a “plaque” that can be felt and a curve in the penis greater than 30 degrees. Researchers have identified some injections that may be very effective. This injection is injected into the scar tissue or Peyronie’s plaque. It helps weaken and break down the plaque. This, along with gentle stretching and straightening activities, can help to straighten the curve in the erect penis caused by Peyronie’s disease. Howbeit, I will suggest you ask a medical doctor or a sex therapist for such.

Loss of appetite immediately after sex

I always experience extreme loss of appetite immediately after sex. Sometimes, it takes up to two to three days for my appetite to come back. I am afraid if this is going to have effect on my general health.

Sylvanus Ugoji

Hi, Mr Ugoji, have you observed your stress level lately? When you get stressed, your body reacts as if it’s in danger. Your brain releases chemicals, including adrenaline, that makes your heart beat faster and slows your digestion. That can curb your appetite. This is called the ‘fight-or-flight’ response and it lasts only a short time. If you’re stressed over a long period, this experience might become a long-term issue. Then are you on any long-time medications? Many medicines can have appetite loss as a side effect. Some of the most common ones include antibiotics, antifungal, and muscle relaxants. Drugs that treat migraines, high blood pressure and diabetics can also affect your hunger. Have you also checked your thyroid function level? Your thyroid hormones control how your body turns food into energy. When that gland doesn’t make enough of those, your body functions slow down.

Age is another thing that can make you lose appetite for long. Up to 30 per cent of older people have less of an appetite than they used to. It can happen for a number of reasons. As you age, your digestion slows, so you tend to feel fuller for longer time. Your sense of smell, taste, or vision may also get weaker. This can make food less appealing.

Is prostatitis curable?

Good day madam, I commend your contributions towards making homes stand. Without shying away from the truth, sex goes a long way in determining the strength of marriage. May God increase your knowledge and make you useful for Him.

How can I cure prostatitis? Is it curable?

Dshelloy

When it comes to health, I do not mince my words because health is wealth. Please, kindly see your family doctor. Sometimes, over the counter prescriptions or seeking help from friends and older couples who are not well informed may be misleading.

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Many times, married partners think that lack of real sexual intercourse is the reason for infidelity, lack of passion, or sparks on the sex bed. But I have discovered that daily life sexual habits go a long way to rectifying sour relationships. Here are some of the tips:

Do you know that as much as a quick peck on the lips or cheek of your spouse may not be a bad idea, it is not emotionally and scientifically sufficient for a loving couple to develop a strong sexual relationship? The same peck can also be given to anyone within the family or even a friend. So instead, why don’t you plant a full and passionate kiss on your partner’s lips whenever you are coming in or going out. Please, do not laugh this off and say, oh this is for young couples or couples who have no demanding work load. It is for every married lover. The effect can be overwhelming.

Besides that, this will definitely leave both of you with lusty feelings for each other. The strength of the connectivity this will help both of you to discover is unbelievably strong. Don’t ignore this, it works. This could be done anywhere anytime and especially in the presence of the children, friends, relatives and even neighbours. If time permits, you can also go to your favourite restaurant or try a new place within your income. After making sure that the rest of the family have been catered for, the two of you can sink into the couch at home and have a prolonged kiss and foreplay without sex.

It is obvious that couples do not necessarily have sex every night. But on those no-sex nights, couples tend to just roll over and go to sleep. I think it is not wise for couples to create a barrier between each other. Why not evolve a gesture that indicates that ‘I want you’ even when no sexual intercourse is involved. The point being stressed here is that any display of affection and desire can trigger off anything at any time. You can even use that moment to tell your spouse something about yourself that you have never revealed before. It could simply be a big dream that you have nursed all your life. Getting to know that there are layers of your personality that haven’t yet been peeled off will attract the interest of your spouse to you.

Remember that taking a bath together is one sure habit that can trigger sexual feelings between couples. While doing that, give yourself a massage or sit in bed to just cuddle and talk. This is especially useful for long-term couples who may have lost the good memory of old days. Instead of focusing on what pisses you off about your spouse, think of all the good things that attracted you in the first place. Also, try to recapture the various sexual activities that you enjoyed together. Put them on your daily schedule and start engaging in them again.

Habitually venture into unfamiliar territory; this helps both partners to create great memories together that will become a shared reference point in the future. For example, it has been known that wives mostly perform blow job on their husbands, but secretly would love such more on themselves, but when couples venture into unfamiliar territory, the reverse can be the case.

So, husband, go ahead and make it a habit. Start off by kissing her sensually and passionately. Then undress her deftly and draw her into the bed for the act.

Another area of exploit is the ‘G’spot discovery. The spot exists as the hotbed of orgasm for wives. You can turn your wife on by locating and caressing it. The spongy area around the ‘G’spot gets swollen and aroused whenever it is gently caressed, making it easier for you as the husband to feel and play with; it is easy to locate.

Using the middle finger, by the time you reach the second knuckle, you should be able to feel a slightly bumpy or ridged area on the upper wall of her vagina. Engage it whichever way you can. But be gentle because the ‘G‘spot always responds to pressure. So, press down and pull forward with your finger. Remember there is no ‘special ‘or ‘right’ way to caress the ‘G’ spot. Just experiment with it gently and watch out for your wife’s reaction to know what to do. Some wives like rhythmic pressure, while some like the stroking motions and others just the tapping. Also, some other women just like it anyhow with their clitoris stimulated at the same time. Since you are not an expert, just keep trying and you will be surprised that in that territory, you will make some unexpected discoveries.

Most men secretly long after that ideal girl that will turn their sexual life upside down but they fail to realise that the woman they marry can be that girl. Husbands, you can turn your wife into your ideal sex girl. Men have catalogues of sexual imaginations; the best way to relive these scenarios is to just share the idea with your wife, simple! Ask your wife of the possibilities of experimentation with good dividend. Experts say all living beings have sexual fantasies, in which an individual imagines himself enjoying erotic moments with his or her spouse in strange places at strange times with strange postures and positions. Sharing sexual fantasies with your partners is a way of heightening and intensifying erotic potential- by showing your spouse possibilities that he or she has never considered before. In turn, this will open the door to a lifetime of sexual ecstasy.

Most times, spouses underestimate how powerful they become if they can fulfil their partner’s unrequited fantasy. The point is that if your partner has been dreaming about something all of his/her life and then you help make it a reality for him, the chances are that you will definitely inspire him to display incredible loyalty and devotion to you. The advantage of these fantasies is that they give room to assertiveness, unpredictability and an impulsiveness that creates fun, excitement and expectations; which in turn eliminates boredom. Before you know it, you are creating a bond that can’t be broken.

Another way sexual habit can take married couples from zero level to the highest plain is when husbands make it a point of duty to see to the fact that his wife understands, experiences and enjoys orgasm. No wife who has had a taste of orgasm or climaxing will not become ‘a married call-girl to her husband.’ She will not only enjoy herself; her husband will enjoy her always. One way to increase a woman’s speed of reaching orgasm is while kissing her, make sure you nibble on her neck a little bit longer than before. Even though most often ignored, the woman’s neck is both nerve-packed, highly sensitive and nothing turns up the heat for a woman like the feel of a man’s lips on her body. You can also fire up the titillation by taking turns to kiss her in different body parts. This usually takes her out of her comfort zone and gets her ready for some passionate expectation. You can experiment with more creative ways of bringing her to the brim of orgasm by rubbing your lips against her nipples, sweep them along her belly button, and even gently brush your face against her cheeks, for more intensified arousal. Drag her tongue into your mouth slowly, and then suck gently on the tip. This playful twist will send currents of electricity between her legs. Most women like an amount of pressure when they are kissed. While you are fully concentrating on this, you will be amazed that your ejaculation speed will slow down because you are fully focused on something else.

Husbands, you can help your wife and make sure she climaxes before or at the same time you do, start stimulating her clitoris as soon as possible. While the attention is more on her, slow yourself down and erotically speed up the clitoral stimulation. No woman has ever resisted this. To assist the good caressing and arousal from her, add a few drops of some natural lubricants on your fingers and use them from the clitoris to the virginal lips down to the inner part of the thighs and between her legs. These lubricants are proven to help women get aroused more easily. Experts report that circular stimulation, starting slow and building up the speed, is most effective. At this point, encourage her to hold firm the base of your manhood and at the same time apply some degree of pressure on it to help resist premature ejaculation. When handling your manhood, she should maintain a soft touch and keep her strokes closer to the base where you are less sensitive. Also, convince her to vary her moves: you’ll love the shifting sensations so much that you won’t notice you’re skipping the steady friction that makes you ejaculate prematurely.

If you are able to archive this, go ahead and further arouse her by inserting your pointer and middle fingers into her vagina with your palm facing the ceiling, and then rest your chin in the palm of your hand. In this position, you can move your fingers in a come-hither motion to massage the front wall of her vagina (G-spot territory!) while teasing her clitoris with your tongue. Remember the rule of the game is that you have to slow yourself down. To light your fuse without triggering an unexpected explosion, your wife should only kiss and lick your penis, but don’t suck (otherwise, it feels too similar to being inside her). Showing your testicles, a little love will also give you mega pleasure without pushing your ejaculation button. Now during intercourse, both of you should agree on ‘girl-on-top’ position. This grants her total control of the speed, angle, and depth. This is 100 per cent best for speeding up her orgasm. Instead of moving her hips up and down- which will bring you closer to the brink of ejaculation, she should slide them back and forth so that her clitoris is rubbing against your abdomen. Don’t be shy about getting involved and pushing up hard or increasing the speed. She’ll love the intensity. Finally remember long thrusts are the husband’s orgasm’s best friends, so keep them to a minimum. One thing is certain, nothing happens until we work at it, if you work on your marriage you will reap the harvest.

Questions!!! Answers!!!

I experience vaginal dryness

Thank you for the good job and may the good Lord continue to guide you and keep your home and marriage. I thank you for the solution you proffered to my last question, about farting during intercourse. It was highly helpful. This time, my question is about dryness of the vagina during intercourse; why does it happen and what is the solution? I want to know why because something happened recently. During sex, I notice that one minute, I am wet and the next, I am very dry. My husband gets bruised during the act. Also, I want to know if a breast-feeding mother needs contraceptives. If yes, what is the effect on the baby?

Temitolu Opokunle

Most times, it may just be that there was no enough foreplay, which means that the vagina was not well lubricated. And some other times, it might just be that the vaginal wall is not secreting enough fluid to get the wall well lubricated. Also, when the time of thrusting in and out is too lengthy, there may be a form of dryness. So, before sex, let there be enough foreplay and make use of good lubricant. Before you take any contraceptive, it is advisable to see your doctor or family planning officer to be well informed. Please, kindly do that and do not take any over-the-counter contraceptive.

How Saturday Punch article helped me

My name is Ken, a young married man. I really appreciate your marriage enlightenment segment most especially the article, ‘Positions that enhance sex.’ This really enhanced my performance. Do you know that after I read through it online, I was in state of erotic treasures and thank God, I was alone with my wife. So, I called her to take a look at something and gave her the Saturday Punch to read and before she finished reading, I immediately jumped over her and just repeated some of the things you taught in the article. I was still very strong and ready to soar for more even when she appeared to have reached the climax. Big thanks.

The happy groom

Thank you. Keep reading.

I lost sexual feeling

Dear Madam, my problem is that I suddenly lost sexual feeling during sexual intercourse with my wife. This started four years ago, when we had a five-month miscarriage. What should I do?

Tom Timothy

You probably experienced a temporary loss of libido because of the loss of a dear one. But I assure you that things will be okay again. Just keep making efforts in a more relaxed way and the feeling will come up again. It is a passing moment.

How do I recognise weak erection?

I enjoy your articles because you educate and give good counsel on sex and sexuality and you do not encourage sexual immorality.

I am a working-class single guy. I will be 30 this December. I have never made love to any woman in my life. I intend to have my first hand with my legally married wife, though it has not been easy because I am human. How will I know whether I have weak erection or not? I am not comfortable with my erection or will it be harder when I am with a woman? I don’t want embarrassment when the time comes.

Akgpank Young Fidelis.

Since you are not so sure, there is definitely a problem somewhere, because you should have started noticing that you have a good erection as a teenager. And this is how you will notice; in the morning, you will experience an erection towards the peak of your waking up or when you are about to have your first urination when you wake up [if you are the type that does not wake up to urinate at night] or the last urination before the day starts, which is either called morning glory, or people give it different names. But it is a hard-on you will definitely experience. It also happens whenever you see any erotic picture, image or when a lady you love is around you, or when a sexual thought flashes over your mind. If you experience all these and you never for once feel a hardness of your penis, then there is definitely a reason for you to see the doctor or a sex therapist. This is because all these feelings should either stimulate you or give you temporary arousal or even an emission of semen in some cases when the stimulation is very high or unbearable, due to the carousing object.

Copyright PUNCH. All rights reserved. This material, and other digital content on this website, may not be reproduced, published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed in whole or in part without prior express written permission from PUNCH.