Tuesday, August 24, 2010

A REVIEW, SORT OF // Jars of Clay, "Shelter"

I was driving home tonight and the new Jars of Clay album came on the CD changer in my car. When it hit track No. 5 (I think), I hit repeat at least twice, maybe three times. It was the title track of the new record, "Shelter."

I kept hitting repeat because it is the exact song that I needed to hear, the exact song that fit this next blog entry that I've finally reached.

*****

"Shelter"

To all who are looking down
Holding on to hearts still wounding
For those who've yet to find it
The place is near where love is moving
Cast off the robes you're wearing
Set aside the names that you've been given
May this place of rest in the fold of your journey
Bind you to hope
You will never walk alone

In the shelter of each other
We will live
We will live
(Never walk alone)
In the shelter of each other
We will live
We will live
(Your arms are all around us)

If our hearts are turned to stone
There is hope we know the rocks will cry out
And the tears aren't ours alone
Let them fall into the hands that hold us
Come away from where you're hiding
Set aside the lies that you've been living
May this place of rest in the fold of your journey
Bind you to hope
We will never walk alone

In the shelter of each other
We will live
We will live
(In the shelter)
In the shelter of each other
We will live
We will live
(You will never walk alone)
In the shelter of each other
We will live
We will live
(In Your arms are all around us)In the shelter of each other
We will live
We will live
(In Your arms are all around us)
If there is any peace
If there is any war
We must all believe
Our lives are not our own
We all belong
God has given us each other
And we will never walk alone

*****

It's really quite a beautiful song. But there are some lines that specifically capture what I've been feeling as of late....

To all who are looking down / Holding on to hearts still wounding ... May this place of rest in the fold of your journey / Bind you to hope / We will never walk alone

My heart has been wounded at a few turns this past year and I feel like I've been holding onto my heart, hoping that it would just heal itself given time. But I gave it a year or so and the heart still hurts. Maybe because I wasn't specifically attentive to its healing. I was hoping it would heal itself while I worked on other things: my job and school, etc. Yeah, that didn't work out so well. Seems I could have used some outside help in the process.

As I've come back to life and engaged with the world around me, beyond the four walls of my house and my Internet connection to the world, I've discovered that in fact, the heart can heal quicker when you share your heart with others. There is hope and discovery and encouragement and peace from doing life with others. "We will never walk alone..."

In the shelter of each other / We will live / We will live

I think I was afraid to share my story or thoughts that I had because I felt the irrational fear that my friends wouldn't understand. Seriously, why would I think that? I have amazing friends and family. And I KNEW that many of them had been in similar situations. Yet, I didn't seek that shelter. With God under the blood of Jesus is shelter and I can share with my friends and family under that shelter. And not only share with them but reside there, live there, go about daily there. It's not about hiding away in some shelter, like a hermit's cabin in the woods away from all interaction with civilization. It's a shelter within the world we live in. And I have discovered this shelter among family and friends in the past month. Once I resolved to deal with my worries and anxieties of the past year, sharing with those in my circle of trust, I have found life, I have found a freedom, I have found a more carefree existence, a shelter.

And the tears aren't ours alone / Let them fall into the hands that hold us / Come away from where you're hiding / Set aside the lies that you've been living

I do not need to hold my tears of the past year alone. I believe that just as God knows the number of hairs on my head (including the gray ones), he knows the number of tears that fall. And I think the line of this song captures this image so perfectly. He knows the number of tears that fall because they fall in his hands, which also hold me. I'm not alone in that God is always near; I'm not alone in that I have a wonderful community and support system. I've never denied the existence of any of them; I just haven't utilized them as I should have.

And then there's the lovely call to "come away from where you're hiding"...something I've been working on for a month or more this summer. To come out of hiding and let myself be known. It's been a process but a process that has made me feel more alive and more a part of the world around me. I'm no longer just in my own little world.

We must all believe / Our lives are not our own / We all belong / God has given us each other / And we will never walk alone

This part, the bridge of the song, was the part that made me hit repeat the first time. "Our lives are not our own." I feel like up until recently I had fallen into a routine where life was what it was and it was work and school, school and work. While those were necessary things to focus on, I didn't give much thought beyond those. It was, I need to do these things to make things happen in MY life. I know it was a phase, that I needed to focus on work and school full-time to get to this next phase of life. But I was very much a hermit about it. I didn't want to see people; I didn't want to make time; and I didn't want to take the chance that someone would ask me the tough questions I didn't want to answer.

But you know what? "Our lives are not our own." No man is an island.

"No man is an island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main. If a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe is the less, as well as if promontory [a bluff, headland] were, as well as if a manor of thy friend's or of thine own were. Any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind; and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee." (John Donne, Meditation XVII).

What affects me affects my family and friends, and vice versa. When my life is somehow diminished, even by my own action or lack of action, those around me are diminished. Sounds kinda selfish, yeah? We are not separate individuals interacting with others on some level; we are like a body, parts working together to live a full, complete life. When I hold back, I don't just hold back from myself; I hold back from others. And together none of us reach our full potential. "We all belong." We are all meant to be together, to live together, in this shelter, under the grace and mercy of God, to not walk alone. "God has given us each other."

This is the entry I wanted to write about the importance of community and somehow this song found its way to my ears. I searched for my new identity and place in Nashville; I found that I couldn't do it by myself because I belong to others. I needed input from those around me because my life is not my own; it fits into a specific place and belongs to others as much as to me. Before, I was floundering around, wondering where I fit. Likely it was because I wasn't seeking a shelter among others, I wasn't living among them. You can't hide and truly be known at the same time.

I now realize that I need community. I need community for healing and I need community for growing. I know it now like I've never known it before. To have my family and friends ready and available to listen, to share, to sympathize, to empathize, to love me in spite of me and my oftentimes icy, sarcastic, cynical self is a gift beyond measure. I could not have returned to life or returned to my community without my actual community being there. But I will say, they may still find themselves needing to be patient with me as I'm still cautious with my heart.

Moral of the story: Don't be a hero and try to do it yourself. You weren't meant to walk alone.