Does God speak? In the silence of the wilderness, in the shattering noise of a city street? What does it mean to wrestle with gender, and not accept the standard of just being gay? What does it mean to speak about that journey, accepting others, yet still be true to your own self?
This is my journey out of silence, out of the shadows of others, not afraid of my own voice, rather, listening to my Rabbi speak my name, giving me strength.

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Fathered?

I was reminded today, the importance
of a fathers heart toward his children! The legacy of a good father is
providing them with attention, affirmation, affection, endurance, humility,
respect, mercy and most of all love.

Being rooted and grounded in
this...it allows us to do much good in the communities around us.When we know how to Father rightly, we can
also extend a fathers heart to the fatherless.Today I listened as a well know advocate for social justice was honored
by those to whom he was known to. Colleagues, Officiates, Pastors and
family members. A common thread was that you either loved him or you
hated him.

It was difficult for many reasons to
sit and listen to the Eulogies. I won't go into great detail, it's hard to listen to humanitarian accolades when at the
foundation everything is flawed.

I truly believe that the BEST form
of social justice, humanitarian activism comes from having a deep awareness of
a Father's/Mother's heart. (You can have this even if you have never
physically raised a biological family) This begins by making peace with your
past. If you can't stand up and confront your past, you will never walk
free in the future, which takes guts, courage, honesty, integrity, respect,
confession and forgiveness (and many other attributes). It means that you
look back, you recognize the lack and you move in a different direction. Not
pretending it ever happened or make light of it...but rather, in honesty look
it in the face and make peace with God, your self and others.

If this never happens, you continue
the cycles those previous generations walked out before you. Sure you
could probably look like all is well, but at the end of the day...do you?
As you re-cycle the past instead of doing something different, you offer quite
the challenge for those who are looking to you to leave a legacy or an
inheritance (which is not about gold or silver). We can do good
works, we can make a difference, but when there is no foundation, these
accomplishments through time will whither, die and be forgotten.

For nearly 3 hours, I listened to
all the GOOD this person has done and yet he missed the mark which saddened me
greatly. Life is but a vapor and he chose to fulfill worldly fame
instead of looking at what really mattered...being a father. I listened to
a different challenge today as I sat applauding the bravery of honesty by a
son. It was refreshing and truthful. It took a son to speak truth that didn't cause
merriment; rather it produced gasps and the shaking of heads. Heads of
those still stuck in the niceties of appearance, desperately hiding the past
and present wounds, so not to appear ‘broken’ in any way, fearing the words of
man, rather than fearing the words of God.

It caused me to take another look at
my own experience. It wasn't great in the early years. I longed for
affection, affirmation, attention and love, and if faced with the same
experience these men were having 25 years ago, I might have replied with
similar words, yet in the last 25 years, I have grown to understand my father,
and truly love the man he is. He isn't perfect, nor am I...no one
is. But one of the pivotal conversations I had with him was when he
shared that with me his own reality. That he knew he wasn't the best dad
and he didn't sugar coat it, or make it appear differently. He called it
for what it was and he chose to do something different. I have learned the
value of hard work, to endure, to show affection, and the ability to affirm my
daughter because of him. He is generous to a fault and would give the
shirt off his back for you. He now openly shows affection. It has
allowed me to also walk free of walls of hiding and to be the man I am called
to be. My earthly father will still fail in comparison to my heavenly
Father and I too will fail my daughter, yet it is God my Father, who fathers me
in the lack.He is my perfect Father.This continual growing knowledge of the
Father heart of God comes with my own submission and acceptance of Jesus as Savior.If I know Jesus, I know the
Father!

Yet this funeral today rocked me to
the core. My father’s heart broke within me to see the longing and the
empty eyes staring back at me as a son addressed the crowd. Honest and
transparent, yet alone and fragile, walls built up from years of broken
promises and empty words, a vow "I will never be like him" and yet
shockingly he became the very thing he hated. I know that full well.

The experience enlarged my heart for
the fatherless, those to whom their fathers are still living, but are
emotionally, physically, relationally and spiritually distant. I saw
numerous men and women at the funeral with hearts breaking due to their own
lack of being fathered.It breaks my
heart.

It's time we rise up and speak a
different type of social justice awareness, that it really does matter the
legacy and foundation that we lay as a father or mother. But this will
take a concerted step toward honesty and courage to bring things into the
light, to address and talk instead of hiding behind walls, or through activism.
When we've wronged someone, we make it right. When we haven't made amends
or peace, can we even in all integrity stand for social justice and the rights
of the down trodden when we have neglected the very ones to whom have been put
in our care? The masks need to come down, the veneers stripped away...the pretense thrown in the garbage...and true men and women calling out for their
sons and daughters to come home. It will take brave and courageous
fathers and mothers to lead the way, who aren't afraid of words spoken behind
the back, rather more afraid of the God who judges both the living and the
dead.

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About Me

My wife and I are learning from others that living ideally in a close knit community, reaching out to others and being debt free are important. Sharing stories and inspiring people to be the best that they can be. We enjoy music, poetic lyrics and art.
Art and words (spoken), any way you look at it, is an expression of someone's inner workings, what is actually being brought out into the light of day, either on canvas or on paper. We enjoy moments of self reflection as we pick up a pencil, paint brush or camera. It is actually liberating to turn the TV off and walk into creation...and get your hands dirty.