Monthly Archives: July 2015

One evening a man was very impressed with the meat entree his wife had served. “What did you marinate this in?” he asked. His wife immediately went into a long explanation about how much she loves him and how life wouldn’t be the same without him, etc. Eventually, his puzzled expression made her interrupt her answer with a question of ... Read More »

A mortician was laying out the body of a man with an unbelievably long penis. He called in his receptionist to show her. She took one look and said, “That’s just like my Harry’s.” “You mean he’s got one that long?” the mortician asked. “No,” she replied. “That dead.” Read More »

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor’s office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, “Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don’t do the following, your husband will surely die.” “Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant at all times. For lunch make him ... Read More »

A community orchestra was plagued by attendance problems. Several musicians were absent at each rehearsal. As a matter of fact, every player in the orchestra had missed several rehearsals, except for one very faithful oboe player. Finally, as the dress rehearsal drew to a close, the conductor took a moment to thank the oboist for her faithful attendance. She, of ... Read More »

Ricky was at the mall and went into a toy shop, picked up a toy plane, gave the shopkeeper Monopoly money and started to leave. The shopkeeper told him, “Excuse me little boy, this isn’t real money.” Ricky continued walking out of the shop and didn’t reply. The shopkeeper repeated himself, and Ricky kept walking. The third time the shopkeeper ... Read More »

An elderly couple was watching television one evening. The wife said, “I am going to get a dish of ice cream now.” Kindly, the husband offered to get the ice cream for his wife. “I’ll write it down so you don’t forget,” she said. “I won’t forget,” the old gent said. “But, I want chocolate syrup and nuts on it. ... Read More »

The boss of a major manufacturing facility was complaining in a staff meeting the other day that he wasn’t getting any respect. Later that morning, he went to a local sign shop and bought a small sign that read, “I’m the Boss!” He then taped it to his office door. Later that day, when he returned from lunch, he found ... Read More »

A dietitian was once addressing a large audience in Chicago. “The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks erode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking ... Read More »

The man told his doctor that he wasn’t able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. The doctor started a long and thorough examination, but finally found nothing wrong with the man. When the examination was complete, he said, “Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with ... Read More »

Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so ... Read More »