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Feeling disappointed and afraid.

My 15 year old and I have been donating time every Thursday, at the food bank. Doing a bit for community and ourselves as well. Been doing this three months now.

Today was my sons last day. He will not be allowed back.

The reason he has been banned is heartbreaking to me. I’m not sure how to deal with it and the response from my husband. Frankly, I’m surprised my son isn’t in the hospital.

My son likes collecting knives, has for a few years now. He usually carries a penknife on him all the time, no big deal. Today it turned into a big deal. He pulled it on another person working at the facility and said “I know where at least seven vital spots are.”

I didn’t see it happen because I was across the building. The supervisor came to me and asked to see me in the directors office and I KNEW that my son was in trouble. Just a gut feeling.

When I was told, my initial reaction was anger. They said he would have to leave and not return. I agreed. I called his Godfather to come get him, sent him out to the stop sign by the road to wait. I went back to work but was so upset I had to take a break.

I called my husband and told him, so he wouldn’t get hit with a worrisome surprise when my son got there without me. I told him that he was not to strike my son and gave him strict instructions about what my son was to do when he got home.

I find myself blaming myself for this. What did I do wrong in his raising? How could I have prevented it? What the HELL am I going to do?

Monday morning I’m taking him in for evaluation at the mental health facility. I’m giving him the weekend to think about what he did and try to come up with a reason. Not the “I was joking” excuse he used but a REAL reason.

I’m scared, honestly. This is a road I’ve not been down before. The director of the facility said I should send him to public school. Like THAT’S going to help….