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Day 46 -
Yesterday went fine, I won't discuss details of what was "off-plan", needless to say, I feel a little tiny bit hungover today - but back on the diet 100%. No problem. Not sure it was worth it in all honesty, but OH was happy to have a break off the diet.

Went for my Wi yesterday, only 3lbs off in 2 weeks total I knew it was the case before I went, but not sure, it upset me that I'm losing so very slowly even while doing everything right. Yes, yes, no need to tell me, events like yesterday don't help matters. I nearly didn't go to restaurant! But if 100% only yields such small losses, it's a little disheartening. No point in going off the diet, just ... yeah. Disappointed. Emotionally it really makes me feel like a fat blob and I will always be a fat blob... urgh.

The other thing that upset me is that the OH will be done with his diet soon - maybe another month and a half and he'll be done. I feel VERY proud of him and his progress and determination - he's a star! But that little selfish monster inside just feels sorry for myself knowing I have 5+ months on this if not more. Don't like feeling like such a total b*tch, but I guess it's a normal human emotion. As long as I don't take it out on him (which I have not!) then it's ok I guess. It's not his fault that I piled on the pounds is it! Nope. My own doing and my own problem!

Oh well, on we go.

Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it. ~Santayana.

Day 47.
Feeling normal today - hangovers are really not nice which is why I drink so very rarely. Being half Russian/ half Latvian - there's a myth that all Russians must drink or can handle it and there's always vodka everywhere... Well, actually - if you're a poor class or degenerate - then you drink a lot. Anyone who is normal, having the normal job (I guess equivalent of UK 'middle class' - without any of the luxuries) wouldn't touch alcohol unless it was a special occasion. And special occasions would only happen maybe 4 times a year. My dad doesn't touch alcohol at all, neither does my sister. My granny would even always ask when I would say I met a guy - her first questions would be - "Does he drink? Does he smoke?" I'd say no (even if it's a bit of a lie!) and she'd say "He's a good boy then."

I'm the odd one out in my family because I drink sometimes - but I don't get this English custom of 'Going down to the pub' at every opportunity - even once a week seems excessive. Why get drunk so often - or at all? Sometimes I feel I am the only one who can handle the drink (i.e. start drinking water when I start feeling the alcohol) while the rest of the English around me (and I hang out with Computer Geeks - so fairly tame crowd) go all out -every-time. What's the point? I usually feel fine the next day while they're all dopey eyed and wrapped in duvets feeling rough.

Granted yesterday I felt a little hung over - but my body wasn't prepared for the little I had. Not much food to soak it all up, plus, it was mostly the pulsating tinnitus in my right ear that was the problem. All day, banging in my head. Thankfully it's gone today.

Either way, rant over. So I was thinking... I am getting very upset over this weight thing and how long it's all going to take, blah blah blah... I really have to realise that - actually it's not that I'll suddenly 'feel awesome' when I reach a magic number on the scales. I'll start feeling more awesome as times goes by. I remember starting to feel good at about 11st and a bit - when you're still a bit chubby, but you can pass off being normal. I think I have to stop stressing out so much about the numbers. It will come, and I know I'll feel better and better with every stone that goes off.
So, I made a mini-ticker in my signature to my first big goal - to not be 'OBESE' anymore! At least on the BMI. Mini goal like that - makes it more achievable. Less far away and less depressing! Can't wait for it to be other other side of the half point.

Right, off I go to study EU law... fun fun.

Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it. ~Santayana.

Minerva, I've set out mini goals for myself too, they go 1. Next stone bracket 2. Single lb digits in said stone bracket 3. Half way through said stone bracket 4. Only a few lbs in said stone bracket which then leads us back to 1. The most I'm counting is 4lbs in front which is so much more achievable than what I started with. Not saying it works for everyone but it certainly does for me. Well done on persevering though, your really made of stronger stuff than you give yourself credit for xxx

Minerva, I've set out mini goals for myself too, they go 1. Next stone bracket 2. Single lb digits in said stone bracket 3. Half way through said stone bracket 4. Only a few lbs in said stone bracket which then leads us back to 1. The most I'm counting is 4lbs in front which is so much more achievable than what I started with. Not saying it works for everyone but it certainly does for me. Well done on persevering though, your really made of stronger stuff than you give yourself credit for xxx

Just plodding along really, studying... What's annoying me at the moment is the fat distribution of my body! I seem to have lost weight off the place I least want to lose it off - by bosom! Mother nature is a lovely lady for sure.
Oh well, back in go the gel-inserts. Being a B cup (even at the fattest mind you!) sucks - and I know at my slimmest I was flat as a board (no need for a bra even...). I remember this being an issue when I lost all my weight, I felt like a boy, completely not feminine at all, which I lost a lot of confidence over... But... maybe because I'm prepared for it now, it'll be less of a shock? Let's hope. I won't go that low in weight anyway, I don't want to be below 8 stone! 10 stone will be fine this time - having been fat pretty much all my life, being thin and feeling bones everywhere is way too freaky, painful and alien.. I need to keep some padding! Just within a normal BMI.

Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it. ~Santayana.

My friends have a similar shape to you by the sounds of it. I'm the opposite with a GG cup and that is no picnic!! When you have a large chest you can never hide it and I hate it when at work men talk to them not me! At least you have the option to use gel boosts as minimiser bras have little effect.

I do agree that it is unfair that when you lose weight you lose it there as I seem to never lose it from my bust but if I put weight on it one of the first places that increases. That is my fear of yoyo dieting.

Day 51 (?) - I think. Started on 1st Jan - so must be! 100% all the way with exception of a meal out last Thursday (14th!) - I'd say that's still pretty good, the longest dieting attempt for quite a while Wi tomorrow morning... Eep.

4 stone still to go though... Losing weight soooo slowly... 2lb per week if I'm lucky even at my BMI! At my age (26)! ARGH. I remember when I did LL in 2008 - I was losing weight at the same rate as a lady who was about 60. Maybe it's my genetics? North European - maybe there's something to be said about retaining fat in the winter months when there's no food around...

I know technically I would lose similar amounts if I calorie counted and ate a bit more. I do find that when I'm on the VLCD - if I have an 'up' day (i.e. eat much more) - I'd still lose 2lb. Unfortunately January 2012 I re-started LL when I wasn't mentally ready - and I did 6 "pack" days and had 1 binge day (nothing excessive, but still) - and still lost weight. People lose weight doing the 5:2 approach, or JuDDDing or whatever else... Everything works.

In a way, maybe the VLCD isn't right for me, but it's the only diet I've ever actually done (past simple calorie counting - which became an obsessive compulsive exercise...). Ohh I don't know.

Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it. ~Santayana.

Today I'm hungry I blame the half bottle of champagne on Sunday - I know!! You have been so good I've had 4 off plan days. Well tbh off plan might be wording it too strongly as they were days I had extras.

I have started to track my lighter life packs and my daily meal in My Fitness Pal and OMG I can see how easy it can be to become OCD about it! I have had my first bar (in weeks) today for lunch as I needed to eat something but until then I had been avoided them as I could see the extra calories they contained. It has helped me bring the calorie content of my meals down.

Im hoping for a good weigh in tomorrow night as I know I was retaining water last week so it will be great if I can lose than my usual 2lb loss. I know we can get these loses with WW but I'm finding this easier to stick to. Not having to think about food really helps and I am finding having no carbs means I have stopped craving junk food.

I looked over some old weight-loss pictures, I guess I may as well add them here, maybe it'll inspire me!!

Original weight loss in 2008, final picture taken mid-2009. Sizes 22-18-16-12-06/08. As you can see I'm lacking any kind of cleavage - DAMN THOSE GENETICS!!

---------

I braved the camera today - it made me realise I'm MUCH FATTER THAN I THOUGHT. Oh well at least I'm facing the truth!! Size 18 at the moment. Still - on the BRIGHT SIDE - my size 18 dresses I bought last year fit now, some of them still have price tags on because they didn't quite fit at the time! ... A small achievement, I guess I have to take them where I find them...

Part of me is also wondering why we share such intimate things about ourselves on these diaries... These pictures show us on the worst days of our lives sometimes!! ... Well, I hope to add to these pictures with time and see changes!! ...now that I've shared...

... *hides in her bat-cave*

Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it. ~Santayana.

Your doing brilliantly, no need to hide in the bat cave. In a few months you'll be throwing those 18s aside as they'll be too big. You've been in it for the long haul since the beginning. Now that determination is showing. It's always nice to fit into something that was once tight regardless of the size on the label. Well done xxx

Wishing you all the luck in the world along your journey, I know you'll do it. You did it before, you can do it again

Try not to worry too much about your OH - if I told you half of the stuff my hubby has been up to (not unfaithful, I don't think, but still!!), you'd think your OH was a saint! Men, they just don't think. It's most probably something and nothing.
But I know how you feel - it's not nice at all.

Targets -
- get in to 11's by end Feb! - DONE, 3 Days Early!
- Get in to my size 12's again -DONE! 11th March 2013
- Lose 1 stone -DONE - 12th March 2013
- Get in to 10's by end of March 2013 - Done 2nd April 2013
- 10st 10lbs by 1st May 2013 - DONE 6th April 2013
- Lose 1.5 stone - DONE - 2nd April 2013
- Lose 2 stone - only 2lbs to go!
- 10st by end June 2013
- Be comfortable in size 10/12's - DONE
- Maintain and do not gain!