Friday, April 06, 2007

Friday Five: Fantasy Edition

I had a Friday Five for today all picked out... started writing it last night and everything... and then I went to IMDB this morning and realized it is my fake boyfriend Paul Rudd's birthday today*. Happy birthday, Paul. Or rather, happy birthday, Josh, as I prefer to call you, since I've never particularly liked the name "Paul" and since it was as Josh in Clueless when I first fell for you a little bit. Since you are, after all, just my imaginary boyfriend, I feel it is entirely within my rights to change your name.

Thinking about Josh made me think about all my other imaginary boyfriends (which is something I was already thinking about recently, ever since Preppy Girl posted a list of her movie boyfriends). So in honor of Josh's birthday (and in the interest of continuing the discussion started over at Preppy Girl's Guide), here we are:

My Five Favorite Imaginary Boyfriends

Paul Rudd. Duh. It is his birthday, after all. It would be rude not to put him first in the list.

Ethan Hawke. The number one spot on every day that is not Paul Rudd's birthday. But then, he got his own post back on his birthday, so I can't imagine he should be too terribly offended.

Michael Vartan. I never watched Alias, but I have had a crush on Michael Vartan even since before Never Been Kissed... since way back when he played Richard's hot eye doctor son on Friends. I have a bizarrely accurate memory for bit-part co-stars, and when my friend Cary and I saw Never Been Kissed in the theater two years later, I actually said, "That's the guy Monica couldn't date because she had already gone out with his dad!" I am not particularly proud of this talent, mind you; I am sure there are much more useful things I could be storing in my brain, but in the days before IMDB, I still think this is a wee bit impressive.

Rhett Miller. Since I am going with the category of imaginary boyfriends rather than specifically movie boyfriends, I obviously need to include him on the list.

OK, for this last slot, I cannot decide between John Krasinski (too recent to assume that my love for him will undoubtedly endure), Viggo Mortenson (my imaginary boyfriend only as Aragorn and entirely unattractive to me in too many other roles), Justin Long (too young, really), or Jon Stewart. Instead, therefore, I will fill this slot with my imaginary girlfriend. If I can pretend any of these men are my boyfriend, I can pretend I'm a lesbian as well, can I not? In that case, how's it going, Tina Fey? That's right; I'm lookin' at you.

So. Who's your imaginary boyfriend/girlfriend? I'm sure I've forgotten more than a few someones who are undoubtedly quite worthy.

____________________________________* If you go to IMDB, you will see that it is also Zach Braff's birthday. Much as I appreciate Zach Braff, however, I am for some reason not smitten enough to consider him my movie boyfriend. Feel free to send your own birthday wishes to him, however.

Liz--I will admit that Ethan may sometimes seem like a questionable choice. I know I wrote about him one other time, and I think the words I used were something like, "He does like to walk that fine line between ruggedly sexy and I'd-touch-him-if-he-took-a-shower-first skeevy." Still, I love him. I'm glad we can agree to disagree on this rather than letting something so small ruin an otherwise fine Internet friendship. :-)

R--I totally thought of you as I wrote this list and wondered if you would chastise me for leaving Bale out. I agree with you on Daniel Craig. You know, that could be a whole other list: people who everyone else loves and yet who do NOTHING for me. I can think of lots of men to put on that list, actually.

NPW--Ooh; good call. Know who else I forgot? Hugh Jackman. And Joseph Fiennes. (Ralph, too, I suppose.) I'm sure I will keep thinking of additions all day...

Mmm...I *love* me some Paul Rudd. I used to have a monster crush on Zach Braff, but then he got kind of preachy on Scrubs. Coupled with that, he was an enormous douche on Punk'd. What's that? I don't watch Punk'd. No sirree...

My one and only imaginary boyfriend is Christian Bale. I've posted about him. I've even gone as far as to put him as my desktop background. I'm such a nerd. That man just makes me weep. Too bad he's got a wife and a kid cause I know he would fall for me instantly.

But back to Clueless....I loved Josh too. Those blue eyes. I also liked ELT-in. Gay Christian was cute too.

The great thing about pretend boyfriends is that you can pick them up and drop them off on a whim and nobody gets hurt! That's why I'm going with Mike Rowe this week because I was watching Dirty Jobs at the gym yesterday and he's got that great sexy voice.

L Sass--Marky Mark never did much for me, but I did really like him in "I Heart Huckabees," so I guess I can see the appeal.

Metalia--I disqualified Zach Braff as an imaginary boyfriend when he started dating Mandy Moore. I have a similar quandary with Jake Gyllenhall because of that whole Kirsten Dunst thing. I do realize this is closed minded and nonsensical. I do not care.

Nabb--Agreed. (Obviously.)

Single Jen--Oh my. You're dreaming about Christian Bale? You do realize you'll have to fight -R- for him, right?

Married Jen--Please don't talk about my boyfriend that way. I'm sure he can explain.

JN--Ha. "I like 'em arty and a little fucked up." Nice.

Anniina--What; Tina Fey doesn't do it for you? Guess I like my imaginary girlfriends just like I like my real-life boyfriends: smart and funny. Also, check out your sexy new avatar! :-)

NPW--Heh. Don't be so hard on yourself.

Noelle--Excellent point. If you can't be fickle about your imaginary boyfriends, what can you be fickle about?

Malia--You may borrow him on occasion, but only because I like you. :-)

Poppy--Someone said they hate Paul Rudd?? Blasphemy. No worries; you're among friends here.

A little late but...I love, love Mark Ruffalo. I fell for him in the straight to DVD movie You Can Count On Me. Also, Patrick Dempsey minus Grey's...we first fell in love when he was still making movies for ABC Family channel and we've been going strong since...minus my husband and his twins and all that. :)

BMC, Yes! Patrick Dempsey sans GA, I couldn't agree more. Did you see that family film in the 80s where he had epilepsy and they performed a ground-breaking operation to cut his corpus callosum? I fell for him then and there.

FunkyB--I had to look up three of those, I'll admit. Guess I'm not up on the sporty boys (or the "Fast and the Furious" types). Still fine choices, though, of course.

BMC--Ooh. Mark Ruffalo would make the short list as well. I don't know what you and Anniina have against Patrick Dempsey on "Grey's," though. Guess I missed all these Family Channel movies of which you speak. I have very few memories of him between "Can't Buy Me Love" and "Grey's Anatomy."

Anniina--That's it; enough from you. You are comment-banned. ;-)(I am totally just kidding. Hijack all you want; I don't mind.)

It's not really that I'm against him on Grey's, I just wanted to make it clear that we were in love before that and I've stuck by him. And I'm not at all jealous of Meredith even though it's all fake, ok? Ok then.

My imaginary boyfriends could be your imaginary boyfriends' dads. Especially in the case of Michael Vartan/Tom Selleck (as father and son hot eye doctors) (and, yes, I know his Magnum P.I. shorts are disturbingly short). If I had an imaginary girlfriend, it would probably be Scarlett Johannson, although given the option, I'd probably rather just look like her.