Once upon a time, there was a magical tongue named Tongueman. Then one day, he realized he was magical, so he started calling himself Tonguewizard.

Tonguewizard the magical tongue wanted to play a musical instrument. But as he was just a tongue, this was a difficult task. He tried to play the piano, but he ended up just getting saliva over the keys and hitting too many at once. He tried to play the harp, but he ended up getting stuck between the strings and needed assistance from a bystander to get out.

And the less said about his attempt to play the harmonica, the better.

This experience made Tonguewizard very reflective. He began to wonder just who he was, beyond a magical tongue, and what instrument would best represent him. Then he could play that, and surely the music of his soul would come out, even if he ended up slobbering all over his instrument.

And so, he decided to set out on a journey to find himself, and the perfect instrument. But first, he had to decide where to go, and what he should bring with him.

After a few moment of thought, Tonguewizard fetched his toothbrush, which had a tongue-cleaning attachment, and the flock of ducks he had duct-taped together into a giant ball in his youth. He hopped onto it and began rolling the ducks around, knowing they would guide him to his destiny.

His destiny turned out to be the Ancient Temple of the Theremin. At least, that was what he gathered when the duct tape fell off just outside of it and the ducks flew away, causing him to fall to the ground. Clearly that was a sign that this was where he needed to go, and not at all a sign that his duct tape wasn't sticky enough.

Before entering, however, Tonguewizard mused on which of his magical powers would be more suited to exploring the place. If the hour was odd, he could use cellphone magic, but if the hour was even, he could use carnivorous plant magic.

According to the watch attachment on his toothbrush, it was 11:30. Tonguewizard needed to make up his mind on whether it would be better to enter now, or to wait half an hour for his magic to change. It all depended on what he would find in the temple, he supposed; he had to think about what sort of obstacles were more likely.

Spoiler :

Cellphone magic or carnivorous plant magic? Make your choice now!

Also feel free to suggest what sort of dangers Tonguewizard might face inside the temple, or other things he could do.

After a minute's consideration, Tonguewizard realized that he was much too impatient to wait a whole half-hour before exploring. So he opted to just rush right in with his cellphone magic active.

Little did he realize that his entry did not go unnoticed. In the darkest depths of the temple, the ancient Theremind awoke, disturbed by the outsider's intrusion into its realm. Specifically, by the annoying ringtone noise he produced.

"None shall desecrate my temple!" the Theremind shouted, to no one in particular because it didn't have anyone to shout to. "This intruder will pay for his insolence!"

Tonguewizard was, of course, completely ignorant of the Theremind's anger. And so, when he saw three ancient golems advancing towards him, he thought it was just standard temple security, and not an ancient being telekinetically commanding the golems. If he had any way of realizing it, he might have thought to use his cell phone magic to disrupt the Theremind's telekinetic signals and stop the golems from moving.

But since Tonguewizard didn't realize that, he had to come up with a completely different plan to deal with the golems.

"Hello, this is GolemTech. Your call is important to us. Please stay on the line and a representative will be with you shortly."

Tonguewizard silently cursed himself - he always felt uncomfortable when he cursed loudly. He'd forgotten how long it could take to get through to tech support, and the golems were getting closer.

Then he had an idea.

"Hey, can you guys try calling too?" Tonguewizard asked the golems, although as he didn't actually have a larynx or lungs to speak with, it came out as more of "eey aa oo iii iii aaaiii ooo". The golems paused, confused.

Then Tonguewizard magically granted them cellphones. The golems puzzled over them, as the Theremind controlling them had never seen such technology before. How did these strange devices even work?

And then, Tonguewizard heard a surge of static over his phone.

"Dang it, bad reception," he said, except more awkwardly due to being only a tongue. "I'll try a different room."

With that, he walked past the confused golems into the next room. A few moments later, the magical cellphones, no longer sustained by Tonguewizard's power, vanished. The Theremind was furious, as it had only just figured out how to call its grandson and ask why he never visited any more.

Enraged, the Theremind chose to send a more dangerous obstacle to the room the intruder had just entered. And so it was that Tonguewizard came face-to-face with one of his greatest fears.

It was a giant walking brussels sprout wearing a chef's hat and carrying a bottle of the most foul-tasting mouthwash Tonguewizard had ever tasted.

"Morney florney borney gorney!" it shouted at him through its thick moustache. Tonguewizard was nearly paralyzed with fear. He had been told many times by his friends and psychiatrists that such a creature couldn't possibly exist, but here it was, right in front of him.

But Tonguewizard knew that if he wanted to uncover the secrets of this temple, he would need to press on. And knowing this, he found the strength to act.