funny (if not necessarily "passive-aggressive") notes from pissed-off people

Just wait ’til he finds out the truth about the whole “fat guy down the chimney” thing

Sarah was taking a little stroll in Berkeley, California last December when she saw a house that clearly belonged to the “more is more” school of holiday decorating.

You know the type: “Giant candy canes, red bows, lights, even one of those life-sized plastic snow globes that blows confetti snow all around inside — all in a yard about the width of the sidewalk I was walking on,” Sarah says. “This note was tacked onto the fence, above an empty space in the row of candy canes.”

I hate when they use their kids to try to guilt others.
Hey, Dumbass, if your kid won’t understand, don’t tell him it was stolen by a Grinch. Tell him Santa always takes a souvenir from special houses so he can be sure to remember them on Christmas Eve.

“AND THEN, WHAT TO MY WONDERING EYES SHOULD APPEAR? A holiday gathering in
Del Paso Heights, Calif., was interrupted when an apparently drunk
neighbor crashed the party. As guests were milling around the front
lawn, Donald Kercell, 49, allegedly pulled a knife and threatened the
guests. When he allegedly started slashing people’s clothing, a guest
decided to fight back with the only weapon at hand: a 2-ft candy cane
Christmas decoration from the lawn, which he used to beat Kercell down.
After the intruder was subdued, police arrived and charged him with
assault with a deadly weapon. Police ruled the candy man acted in self-
defense and no charges are pending against him. (Sacramento Bee)” http://www.thisistrue.com

Well there you go! Someone should post this on her fence as a response to her note. For all she knows that candy cane could have been used in an act of heroism that could have been an inspiration to her son!

The confusion appears to be on the parent’s part. Initially indecisive on vandalis(z)ed, expanded the confusion with the U.S. spelling of behavior, but reverted to U.K. spelling on the final vandalise.

“Confused and sad,” is he a retard that they keep in the basement? I hate when parents use their kids as guilt. If your child is confused by one candy can missing they must be “special” and if so then you should be worried more about helping them than about a candy cane. Plus, it’s one candy cane, buy another one you cheap bastards.

Ostentatious Christmas decorations are going to be vandalized. Period. If you graduated from the Clark Griswold school of Xmas decorating, there’s gonna be a target on your back. I’m amazed someone who went to that extent to decorate their place didn’t have a couple of spare candy canes just in case.

Probably better not to buy a replacement though. She can put the money towards therapy for her son instead.

Just another thought: if the candy cane was stolen, how does she know it was vandalized? Does she have some sort of psychic connection with the candy cane, like those stories about mothers and their children, where if the kid is miles away and gets hurt, the mother feels the pain too?

Those inflatable decorations are getting way out of hand. I mean, the giant purple gorilla is a classy way to sell used cars on Memorial Day weekend but those tacky holiday statues they sell at the super stores should be left onthe shelf.

Here’s a helpful hint from claw71: if it seems like a neat idea at WalMart, it’s not.

Are you kidding? Inflatables are my favorites! Why, just last year I saw one looking exactly like Mr. Hanky. I was like, Finally, a Christmas Poo inflatable. I get closer and it’s a fucking brown penguin (??) peeking out of an igloo (????) Bummer.
Another trick with inflatables is something I learned from a bloggy friend many years ago. Try it. Wait for a sharp drop in temperature, and go drive down a street that has inflatables in front of every house. You’ll thank me. The street will look exactly like a drive-by shooting just took place. Dead Santas, reindeer and snowmen on the ground everywhere. Never fails to make my day.

I like coming to PAN a few times a week and reading the comments. People who post alot give PAN a nice homey feel. Although I’m not sure why you think his comments reek of ADD. He’s obviously got a long enough attention span to follow through the comment section.

I bet you’re just bitter about getting shot down earlier. You’re not crossing guard, are you?

not to mention as a punishment “daddy” makes him spit shine em every night so they get that nice candy coated sheen when it freezes… poor kid prolly got attached, he spent all month strokin those canes!

They should put out an Amber Alert for the giant candy cane.
When the offender is caught, he should have to register as a candy cane thief/vandal.
These people cannot be rehabilitated, but parents can be made aware of their presence in our neighborhoods!

I was there and saw the whole thing. The candy cane vandalized that guy, not the other way around. He was walking past, minding his own business, when the cane jumped out, ripped through his pants, and had its way with him. The cane then ran away. Last I saw it was on “House, MD” – apparently evil cane made its way into Hollywood. It is no longer red-and-white-striped; ever since the incident, it has been brown, for obvious reasons.

it seems you have no sense of humor. Will our decrying the horrors of giant plastic candy-cane theft cause the decoration to be returned? NO. Will cracking jokes about stealing holiday decorations brighten our day? YES.

Listen asspanda if you just want to whinge about how we are all assholes and malcontents that is fine … but why do it here?

I read the comments frequently, because, yes, they are amusing. However, I found it ironic that commenters that are usually dirisive about clinique and shampoo stealers were oddly supportive of candy cane stealers. So now we know the distinction!

What bothered me most was the desparaging tone towards the poor kid and his mom’s parenting abilities, those just weren’t even funny.

Actually, the comments about Ms. Pan and little Helmet Boy are amusing to me, but then, I am easily amused. I even chuckled a little at the fact that you wrote dirisive & desparaging when you presumably meant derisive & disparaging.

A ‘real man’ would just threaten to kick the ass of the thief the next time they tried to steal something, or shoot them for trespassing. This type of man would just sit outside drinking beer and waiting for the next theft than write a Catholic-guilt note about it.

Speaking of kids being a woman’s job, I’m 20 and haven’t squeezed out any offspring yet. I am so damn behind. I should’ve at least had two kids by now. :c But it’s hard to find good breeding stock that isn’t put off by my continuing education and appreciation of gay porn.

Please never use the abbreviation “San Fran” again. Most of us locals find it a particularly horrid nickname. Same goes for Frisco, unless you happen to be singing “(Sittin’ on) the Dock of the Bay” by Otis Redding. Then and only then, is it ok.

You may have SanFran picked the wrong Frisco site to get all uptight about SanFran your least Frisco favorite city nickname. HowFriscoEver, I’m sure you will SanFran receive due Frisco consideration for your SanFeelingsFran.