5/08/2012

A story

So you will give her a poker and her PDM and she will test her blood sugar.

When she
tests her blood sugar,

she will
be low and want some juice to make her better.

When the
girl is feeling better,

you will
give her another test strip to check her blood sugar once more.

When you give
her the test strip,

you will
realize it is the last one from the container.

Since it is the last one from the container,

you will send
your girl to the supply cabinet to get some more strips.

When she
looks for more strips,

she will
notice there are only 4 containers remaining.

4 containers remaining means it is time to place a reorder.

When you
log on to the computer to place a reorder,

the screen
will flash a warning: "Cannot fulfill request".

Not being
able to fulfill the request,

the
computer will prompt you to call a number.

Calling
that number will result in a grumpy lady telling you they no longer contract that
brand of test strip.

You will
tell the grumpy lady your girl NEEDS that particular test strip because it is
the only one that works in with her insulin pump.

Hearing
about the insulin pump will cause the grumpy lady to stutter and place you on
hold . . .

. . . indefinitely.

While you
are on hold, your girl will ask for another test strip,

and she'll
want her poker to go with it.

You'll
give her a poker and her PDM and she will test her blood sugar.

When she
tests her blood sugar,

she will be high
and want a correction to make her feel better.

Making a
correction will remind you she needs to test again in a bit,

and testing again
will make you realize you are still on hold for a reorder.

A reorder is
not going to happen with this phone call (according to the grumpy lady, you
need to call your insurance company),

So you hang
up the phone and search for your insurance card.

Searching
for your insurance card will cause you to dig deep into your purse,

and deep in your
purse is where you will find more test strips.

but those
test strips are already used and therefor of no use.

Being of no
use will remind you how scary it would be to be without them,

so you find
the number on your insurance card and start dialing.

Dialing the
number will result in getting lost in a maze of automated menu options.

The menu
options are never exactly what you need,

so you press
'0' for an operator,

And wait, wait, wait some more for a real, live person.

A real, live
person gets on the line and states you need to file an appeal for the test strips.

Filing an
appeal means you have to call the Endocrinologist.

Calling the
Endocrinologist will mean you have to leave a message,

and leaving
a message means you can get of the darn phone!

Getting off
the darn phone will make your girl happy.

Making your
girl happy will remind her she is hungry.

When she is
hungry she tells you what she wants and you count up the carbs.

Counting up the
carbs means she needs to enter that number into her insulin pump.

Entering
carbs counts into her insulin pump will remind her she needs to test her blood
sugar,

and if she
tests her blood sugar she will need to use another test strip.

Using up another
test strip will remind you to place a reorder,

And placing
a reorder is getting complicated.

Complicated tasks make you frustrated,

and getting
frustrated makes you want a cookie (or ten).

If you get a
cookie, your girl will want one, too.

If she gets
a cookie, she will have measure the carbs, test her blood sugar, and enter the
data into her PDM.

Testing her
blood sugar will use another strip,

and using
another strip reminds you the stash is dwindling.

The
dwindling stash will cause you to check your phone messages.

Your messages reveal the Endocrinologist
called back.

The
Endocrinologist says they will be happy to fax an appeal,

and faxing
an appeal should result in a reorder.

A reorder
will remind you it is time to test your girl's blood sugar.

Testing your
girl's blood sugar is necessary because she has been jumping on the trampoline.

Jumping on
the trampoline causes her blood sugar to drop,

and a drop
in blood sugar could be dangerous, so you go get another test strip.

While
getting another test strip,

you stop by
the computer to check the status of the appeal.

The status
of the appeal reads "DENIED",

and being
denied makes you cRaZy.

Being cRaZy
does not allow you to be a good artificial pancreas.

Being a good
artificial pancreas means you get back on the phone,

and getting back
on the phone results in talking to more stupid people.

Talking to
more people reveals your policy has an "exclusion",

and this "exclusion" protects the insurance company,

Protecting the insurance company means setting limits on policy holders,

setting
limits on policy holders means my girl can't get what she needs.

If my girl
doesn't get what she needs, she will get very sick.

Getting very
sick will cause her to go to the hospital,

and going to
the hospital will cost the insurance company lots of money.

(WAIT.I'm confused.The insurance company doesn't want to pay for a 3 cent test strip, which
costs us a dollar a piece over the counter, for preventative care?Won't they save more money by keeping my girl
healthy?)

So, if you rant
and rave and pull out the can of whoopa*#,

The can of
whoopa*# will cause someone to listen.

Causing
someone to listen will produce understanding,

and
understanding will yield some common sense.

Some common sense
will result in your husband's corporate HR manager to make a phone call.

Making a
phone call will change your policy,

and changing
your policy means the appeal is 'APPROVED'

Being
approved means your reorder has been placed.

Placing the
reorder will remind you your girl needs to test her blood sugar,

and testing
her blood sugar will require a test strip . . .

The End Never Ending Story

*The only way to end this destined-to-be-a-series of wretchedly written stories is to discover a CURE for my girl's T1D. Do what you can so I don't have to pen another tale. It is for the best, really, that I don't have to write another.

10 comments:

If you give a brilliant mama a blog, she will write. When she writes, she will tell the truth. When she tells the truth, other mama's will be nodding along. While they are nodding they will leave a comment...and while commenting they will remember...it is time to order test strips for their family too.

I love you both so much! Ellie, you are a brave young lady and I hope things get easier as time goes on. I'm sorry you have to deal with those yucky insurance companies to get such a simple thing to help make sure Ellie is safe and healthy. Amy, I super love this story and you need to get it out there for more to see!

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Hi there!

I am a Jesus girl, a wife to my high school sweetheart, and a mother to three pretty cool kids. I spend my days as a teacher (we homeschool), an artificial pancreas (my 9yo daughter has Type 1 Diabetes), a friend to a Louise (I am Thelma), a litter box scooper (we have 4 cats), and everything else necessary to live an AWSCHUM life