So in primary school I was reasonably good at the hula hooping, beanbag throwing type of events.

At secondary school I tended to sign up for whatever event my house still needed competitors for when all the good people had picked their events, on the basis at if I competed and came last we'd still pick up more points than having no one enter. Which meant I did the least popular sports, usually shot put or the high jump. I became ok at high jump in the end.

Then I went to big school and bossed everyone, but lost at the regional thing cos everyone else had running spikes and I had Hi-Tecs. Best year: 1st in 100m, 200m, form relay and 2nd in long jump and triple jump. Won the whole bloody thing.

I'm only 5'8 but even at fifteen my legs had the circumferences of great oaks. I can't get any trousers that successfully reconcile their length and width. Anyone else just too damn athletic/short arsed for their own good?