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Paul Foot’s top three things in Canterbury

Ahead of the fabulous comedian Paul Foot’s three-night visit here to The Marlowe next week on his RETROSPECTIVE tour (each show to be followed by a special Q&A!) we asked the surreal star to share with us what he likes about Canterbury, based on previous visits.

TALES!

I mean The Canterbury Tales really are the kind of medieval advertising that money cannot buy. They scream “COME TO CANTERBURY!” – don’t they? Do they start in Canterbury or end in Canterbury? I can’t remember. I’ve never read The Canterbury Tales. I don’t even follow them on Twitter.

I love how half the characters in the Canterbury Tales have jobs that don’t really exist now. Like – the Knight’s Tale! We all know what a knight is, obviously, because they have them in Lego and on telly and stuff, but they don’t really exist. The Miller’s Tale! Hahaha. The Reeve’s Tale! All down the job centre these days. Parsons, Pardoners, you couldn’t make it up!

If you had a modern day version I suppose it would be like The Social Media Manager’s tale! The Online Casino Part Time Administrator’s Tale! The disc jockey’s tale! Somebody should make a play like that. I can’t make it though, I’m busy. I hope it goes well.

ARCHBISHOPS

Talking of jobs that don’t really exist.. I love that Canterbury has an Archbishop! Archbishop is one word, as it’s like an important bishop. Arch bishop is more niche. Marvellous. No, I’m being rude. I appreciate that the Archbishop probably has plenty to do and loads of emails to respond to, it is after all a TOP JOB! But ultimately, honestly, I think we all know it’s a MASSIVE JOKE! I wouldn’t mind being an Archbishop’s house husband actually. Writing the shopping list. Must buy more candles! Remember to phone the organ tuner! Take the collection plate down to Coinstar in Morrison’s. Half watch Songs of Praise on iPlayer with Chat Roulette open in the other window, and then GET ON THE SHERRY! What a lovely life! World poverty is obviously a problem, but it can wait til Monday love.

PSYCHEDELIC ROCK

My friend told me that Canterbury is the home of psychedelic rock! I don’t even know what normal rock is, but I was once the front man of an imaginary psychedelic rock band called Napalm Violets. We did a pretty big tour, around a lake, by bike. We never got round to writing any songs though, mainly because the other people in the band weren’t real. So imagine my disgust after we broke up and they went on to top the charts with their racy hyper-saxual single “The Cling Film Cardigans Are Coming Off!” I do think it’s quite a cool string to the laypeople of Canterbury’s bow though, that they invented a popular musical genre. That archbishop’s turning in his graves! Putting up the hymn numbers on a Sunday in silence. WHAT A LOSER!