Can Watching Porn Mess Up Your Relationship?

It’s no secret that people watch porn. In fact, Pornhub reported in its year in review that it got a whopping 23 billion visits last year.

So yeah, people love porn. And while that’s pretty much a given, new research suggests watching porn is linked to decreased relationship satisfaction—for guys, at least.

For the meta-analysis, which was published in the journal Human Communication Research, scientists looked at 50 studies that followed more than 50,000 people, and found that men who watch porn are more likely to be dissatisfied with their love lives than those who don’t watch porn.

Before you freak out and assume that your relationship is screwed because you love your XXX flicks, know this: The research was correlational, not causational—meaning, scientists just discovered that men who watch porn are more likely to be unhappy in their relationships; not that watching porn causes men to be unhappy in their relationships.

While it’s totally possible that a man can regularly watch porn and be happy with his partner, relationship issues tend to come before increased porn use, says David Ley, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist who specializes in sexuality issues and author of Ethical Porn for Dicks: A Man’s Guide to Responsible Viewing Pleasure.

“Men might use porn as a coping mechanism in response to sexual or emotional issues within relationship,” he says. “Problematic male porn use is almost universally a sign that there are other problems to be addressed.”

New York City sex therapist Ian Kerner, Ph.D., author of He Comes First, says that some men may also be conflicted about their porn use and have shame around it, which impacts how they feel about their relationships.

“We still live in a society where watching porn is highly stigmatized and many men feel like they have to hide it from their partners,” he says.

But both experts stress that men can use porn and be happy in a relationship.

“It’s perfectly possible for a man to be able to enjoy masturbation while watching porn and fantasizing and still engage in healthy partnered sex,” Kerner says.

In fact, it may even make men more likely to get it on with their partners. “Some studies show that watching porn puts you in a more aroused state and makes it more likely to initiate and be interested in partnered sex,” Ley says.

But, if a guy can talk to his partner about what porn does and doesn’t mean to him (like a mindless orgasm vs. a desire to cheat or feeling sexually unsatisfied), it doesn’t have to be a big issue in a relationship, he adds.

Overall, experts say porn use doesn’t mean a relationship is in trouble—provided everyone in the relationship is okay with it, of course.

“I’ve seen many couples add porn to their individual lives or relationships with great positive benefits,” Kerner says.