‘NHS unacceptable’ says man who ran it into the ground

by philapilus

Jeremy is also fascinated by bottled water

Jeremy Hunt has said that the problems with the NHS are ‘unacceptable’, and has offered himself his warmest congratulations for making it so.

The Health Secretary said “I have spent five years helming the good ship NHS, finding iceberg after iceberg to ram, and finally I have managed to tear its hull to pieces. It is letting on water fast, and has finally been upgraded from ‘we’re in trouble’ to ‘oh shit we’re all going to die’.

“I couldn’t be happier.”

Hunt was given the job by former PM David Cameron, and a specific brief to “smash the NHS to smithereens, so that the British people could enjoy an American-style system of health insurance which will gradually kill off the tiresome poor.”

Hunt’s achievements in increasing waiting times, closing hospitals, and making junior doctors dance whilst he fired bullets at their feet, have made him one of the most highly regarded cabinet members.

He is rumoured to be at the top of the list for the coveted award given each year to the minister who has caused the most calamitous destruction in their own department.

An aide at Number 10 said “Jeremy is a really, really trusted cabinet member. He is a safe pair of hands; no matter what you give him you can guarantee he will drop it. Brilliant stuff.

“The NHS is finally what we have all dreamed it would be, the acceptable face of social engineering.”