What exactly is Counselling?

This is a good question. Many people have no personal experience of counselling but a lot of ideas about what it is. Some of these ideas come from the media, such as TV and film, and some from a friend or family member with experience of therapy. The British Association of Counselling and Pyschotherapy (BACP) did some research on attitudes to counselling, which you can look at here. There are three main types of counselling, all with a different set of ideas behind them. Click on the links below to find out more:

A definition of counselling

You will find as many different definitions of counselling as there are clients and therapists. This could be because everyone is unique, and so experience their relationship with their counsellor differently. Most people agree it is a meeting of a qualified therapist, or counsellor, with a client or clients in some form of distress. This could be because of depression, stress, anxiety, grief, unhappiness, dissatisfaction, despair...anything affecting your well-being and ability to live your life as you would wish.The counsellor and client work together towards change, whether that is making a decision, learning to accept what is, learning more about who you are and how you relate to yourself and others, and figuring out how best to move forward in the direction you want to go. You can find out what the NHS defines as counselling here.

Some reasons people come to counselling

There are lots of reasons to come to counselling. If yours isn't mentioned below this does not mean it isn't a good enough reason to seek the help of a qualified therapist. If you aren't sure about what you need, it is a good idea to book an assessment and discuss your situation with them first. Some of the reasons people come to counselling are:

Bereavement, including friends, colleagues, family members, pets and partners

Stress at work, school, home or financial; stress can be caused by many things

Depression

Unhappiness or dissatisfaction with life, including boredom or numbness

Addiction

Anxiety

Life stages, such as becoming an adult, getting married, having children, losing your parents

Couples, family and relationship problems

Sexual problems

Confusion

Anger

Self-esteem and assertiveness

Violent behavior

Dealing with an illness or physical change such as cancer, loss of limb, burns, menopause

Feeling 'out of place', lost or not having a purpose

Redundancy

Phobias and fears

Conflict

Trauma

What is common to all these reasons is a desire for change - that your current state of being isn't good enough for you anymore. Maybe you want to accept a situation that can't be changed, or want to change something that can. Maybe the way you've dealt with life so far hasn't made you happy, or you wonder if there is another way to be that could be better for you.

What counselling isn't

Counselling isn't something 'done to you', to 'fix' or 'cure' you, as a medical doctor might. If you think you might have a medical condition, you should always speak to your doctor first. A counsellor or therapist is unlikely to give you advice, or tell you what to do. Most counsellors work with you and offer their relationship, perspective, empathy and acceptance of you to enable you to figure out your own way of being. Some might share frameworks or ideas that have been developed that might be useful to you, but it is for you to decide what action, if any, you will take.

How to choose a counsellor

Choosing a counsellor or therapist is very personal, and can depend on what you want to change and what you respond best to. A good place to start is with a qualified therapist from a recognised and respected body, such as those list here:

All of these associations can provide you with help and information on choosing a therapist, as well as some ideas of what to expect from your therapy. They also have their own Ethical Frameworks they expect their members to maintain, and it can be very useful to read these to see if you agree with their philosophy and outlook.

What can I expect of my first session?

It is quite usual for a client and counsellor to arrange an initial assessment session to meet each other and decide whether they can work together. Such sessions are usually, but not always, free of charge. You might be asked some questions about why you are seeking therapy, what your goals are, what you would like from your therapy and about your history. It is also a chance for you to ask as many questions as you like about your therapist's qualifications, experience, working model, techniques and what a typical session might be like. You can ask about fees and payment and how many sessions you would like. It is ok to ask any questions you are worried about; your counsellor is a qualified professional and will welcome your queries and answer them as best they can. A responsible counsellor will put the client first. If they think you would benefit more from seeing someone else, they will discuss this with you and might offer to refer you. If they feel they can offer you what you need, it is then up to you to decide if you think you can work with them. Your potential counsellor will be happy for you to go away and think about it, before making a decision.

What about going forward?

Most counsellors offer weekly sessions of 50 minutes. Some people might want longer or more frequent sessions. How many you feel you want is up to you. If you aren't sure how many you will want, keep an open discussion with your counsellor, and discuss how you might start to know when you are ready to end. For example, some people know they are ready to end therapy when they feel more peaceful, assertive or positive about their situation. They may even have undergone a further stressful event, and were pleased at how they managed it. These can all be clues that you are ready to end your counselling, but if you aren't sure, discuss it with your counsellor.Therapy is a process, and you might have some difficult issues to talk about and accept, change or understand. Some people report 'feeling worse before feeling better' but some don't. To get the best out of your therapy, find a therapist you trust and share your feelings about your sessions with them, especially if you are struggling or not finding them helpful. A qualified professional will welcome talking about any difficulties with you fully and without judgement.