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Do you know what a Yankee is?
Same as a quickie, except you're by yourself

Two blokes were out walking home from work one afternoon.
"Shit," said the first bloke, "as soon as I get home, I'm gonna rip the
wife's knickers off!"
"What's the rush?" his mate asked.
"The bloody elastic in the legs is killing me," the bloke replied.

Great A Hot & Juicy Story
Well, I was loafin' around the salad bar at the burger stand one chili
day on Coney Island, when I Frito-Lay'd my eyes on the sweetest little
tomato I'd ever seen. Let's just say I could tell she wasn't gonna be
ice-cold or taste like some of those cheaper spreads I'd eaten.
So I mustard up my courage and I whispered, "Hey, Mama Bird! You got a
sweet set of sesame-seed buns, and I'd live to bury my open-face in
your McMuffin snack pack. And maybe later I could drive-in my Jumbo
Jack in your Box. So, what's your name, anyway?"
"Wendy," she replied, and said that her buns were always hot and
fresh. Well, it seemed like an invitation to me, so I unzipped my
French-fly, pulled down my hash-browns and whipped out my
Quarter-Pounder.
She took one look at my foot-long Weinerschnitzel and said, "Holy
enchirito, what a Whopper! I haven't seen a sausage and a pair of
McNuggets like that since I was in the sack with Long John Silver over
at the Colonel's place, and I probably won't see another 'til Foster
freezes over. And believe me, I relish the thought of squeezin' the
mayonnaise right outta that big Sloppy Joe of yours."
I said, "Look, honey...those meatheads are just horseradish. I'm the
supreme Burger King around here. And by the way, aren't you hungry?"
"Yeah," she shot back, "I haven't even had my breakfast, Jack." It
wasn't long before she was munching on my Big Mac and eventually took
down the whole enchilada. I could tell I wouldn't be able to hold the
pickles or hold the lettuce much longer, so I just blew a whole gallon
of my lo-cal secret sauce to go. She took a big gulp and giggled,
"Oooh, that's fast food. A bit salty, but quality you can taste...and
finger lickin' good, too!"
She said, "So what's yer name, hot dog? Orange you Julius?"
"No," I replied, but you can call me Pizza Man, 'cause I deliver!"
Well anyway, I turned her around, tore off her wrapper, and wedged my
Big Boy between her patties and right up into her hot cherry bendover.
She screamed, "I FOUND THE BEEF, I FOUND THE BEEF!" which just gave me
the urge to keep pounding my SuperBurrito in and out...in and
out...and in and out...and in and out of her hot little micro.
Well, we were still playing Pup 'n' Taco , when she confessed her real
name wasn't Wendy...but Ronald.
Hey, it wasn't my bag, but at least I wouldn't have to worry about
taking her over to see Dr. Pepper to have him pull a Carl's Jr. out of
her oven.
Yeah, little did I know that I had spend the night not with a saucy
little fish filet, but with a flaming Dairy Queen!

Crazy Sally went to her gynecologist when she got her vibrator stuck
inside of her.
"To remove that vibrator," said the doctor, "I'm going to have to
perform a very long and delicate operation."
"I don't think I can afford that," said Sally. "Could you just replace
the batteries?"