lkl492:
I am having a surprise BBQ for my husband's 40th b-day and sent out e-vites.

I have gotten several email responses saying, "Let me know what I can bring."

Now I would never attend a party without bringing something. And I'm sure these people feel the same way, but what is a polite response to this? I don't want to feel like they MUST bring something, like I'm charging admission.

My auto-response is to say, "Just bring yourselves!" But by saying that am I setting them up for possible embarrassment when other people show up with a side dish or a bottle of wine?

Lisbeth:
Well, if you insist on bringing something to other people's parties, it's only fair to expect that they will do the same for you.

If you really want to be off the hook on this, then you need to do one of the following:

1) Not invite people2) Stop expecting to bring things yourself to parties you attend3) Be ready with suggestions of what people can bring to your parties4) Just say, "I've got everything covered; just bring yourself and good spirits."

If you choose option 4, be ready to honor similar requests from the hosts of parties you attend.

lkl492:
Ohhh kayyy...

1) It's a party... so I invite people.2) I could do that, but probably wouldn't.3) My question is whether that is a rude thing to do... to tell people what they should bring.4) That's what I said in the OP was my auto-response.

Perhaps I'm confused, because the post I'm responding to sounds very sarcastic. Maybe I should have worded the OP differently.

Lisbeth:
I'd go with number 3 then. If everyone you socialize with thinks it's polite to bring things and not polite not to, telling them not to is not going to accomplish anything positive.

sparksals:

--- Quote from: lkl492 on June 14, 2007, 07:28:33 PM ---I am having a surprise BBQ for my husband's 40th b-day and sent out e-vites.

I have gotten several email responses saying, "Let me know what I can bring."

Now I would never attend a party without bringing something. And I'm sure these people feel the same way, but what is a polite response to this? I don't want to feel like they MUST bring something, like I'm charging admission.

My auto-response is to say, "Just bring yourselves!" But by saying that am I setting them up for possible embarrassment when other people show up with a side dish or a bottle of wine?

--- End quote ---

What strikes me about your post is that when you attend a party, you always bring something. Could it be that because you insist on bringing something to their parties, that your friends feel they have to reciprocate?

Then, you say that you may be setting themselves up for possible embarrassment when some people show up with something and not others. Why is this situation different for you? You take things when, I presume, you're told not to and now you're worried that people will feel uncomfortable at your party because some will bring something and others won't?

I'm a bit confused. Am I missing something here?

As it stands, I always ask if I can bring something. When told no, I don't bring any dishes at all, but I will bring a bottle of wine as a hostess gift. Is this what you're talking about or a dish to contribute to the meal that is being prepared? This is where my confusion lies.