Lame Adventure 329: The Gift of Goat

As someone that suffers stage 4-level lactose intolerance, if I would dare nibble on a sumptuous ripe Brie the after effects on my intestines would be as if I had swallowed a stick of lit dynamite whole. I have a very sensitive stomach. Fortunately, thanks to sheep and goats, I am not entirely cheese-deprived.

Get your goat logs, goat medallions, goat Olympic medals here.

Unlike cow’s milk cheese, goat cheese is gamier, but I like gamey to an extent; I’m not going to chow down a pickled farm animal’s hoof anytime soon. That’s an odd vinegar soaked delicacy my Italian granny was drawn to that made everyone else at the table recoil. On the other hand, a cheese with distinct character pleases my palate very much. Lucky for me my posse accommodates my many dietary quirks and limitations. They’re all pretty much goat cheese eaters now.

Goat cheese with French names.

When my Current Companion has absolutely nothing better to do and visits me, I have been known to get us a variety of both goat and sheep’s milk cheeses. I have been eating goat cheese for decades, but only recently have I started paying closer attention to the sheep’s milk variety. There is one sheep’s milk cheese I get that she likes very much, but much to our mutual dismay, I suffered a touch of A.D.D. and forgot to note its name.

Current Companion: How could you forget the name of that cheese? It was sooooooo good!

This prompted my usual logical train of thought:

Me (thinking): Is this a deal-breaker? Am I gonna get ditched over failing to remember the name of a cheese?

Me (saying): I think it’s kinda coming back to me. Relax, I can wing this.

We visited the cheese department in the Upper West Side’s Fairway. I asked the cheese monger with authority:

Me: Do you have a sheep’s milk cheese called something like Idiot Zabel?

A short while later, we settled for Naked Goat and Drunken Goat.

Drunk goat sleeping it off, “Hic!”

They happen to be two of our favorites and Current Companion wryly and dryly observed:

Current Companion: Those are names you’ll never forget.

Drunken Goat from Fairway.

I did happen to see a wheel of Idiot Zabel afterward, so we got a wedge of that, too. Once again though I did not write down its exact name, but it really does taste great. Overall, Fairway has a good selection of goat cheeses.

It’s from the Murcia region of Spain a mild white cheese with a slightly fruity flavor that’s been soaked in red wine for a few days giving its edible rind a deep violet hue. It pairs well with olives, salty dry meat, and snarky women. It’s also miraculous on the digestive tract.

“I’m sober as a judge.”

Note about the guest goat puppet, his original name is Furryosity Goat (since renamed Bill E.). Even though Bill E. has been relocated to Manhattan’s Upper West Side, his siblings are in SoHo awaiting adoption at Treasure & Bond, a very cool store owned by Nordstrom’s where 100% of all after-cost profits benefit children in need.

63 responses to “Lame Adventure 329: The Gift of Goat”

Who knew there were stages to lactose intolerance. Is stage 4 terminal or merely agonizing? I think I’ve read or heard or seen on tv somewhere–probably CNN or HGTV, since those are the only two channels I watch–that goat mild doesn’t have lactose–let alone the level 4 variety.

You and I suffer from the same affliction. I once panicked about getting ditched when a guy I was dating said, “I tried calling you but your line was busy for at least an hour.” (in those pre-cell phone, pre call-waiting days) I thought, Uh-oh, is he gonna dump me for this?

I suffered similar anxiety when my former toilet (since replaced) started flushing spontaneously non-stop as I was waiting for someone I had just started seeing to call. My garret is rather small. I closed the bathroom door but could not entirely stifle the sound of my roaring commode. Finally, she called. She asked, “What’s that sound?” I explained, “Birds that can’t carry a tune.”

At first it tasted like, “Holy crap, is this edible? Is it going to rip out of me like The Alien in an hour? Will we have time to do it before then?” Nothing happened. It tasted like ordinary edible rind. I suppose you were hoping I would say, “Stunning like a fine 2005 Médoc Bordeaux.”

Not ironically, but Merriam Webster was my mom’s first employer. When she left them in the late 1950s that have her the 25 pound unabridged dictionary as a parting gift. When I was younger I used to love looking up naughty words in it. Usually having to do with the anatomy of the opposite sex. Not sure what it says about me other than I’m hetero and enjoy words.

As you well know I only have a 300 word vocabulary, testimony that unlike Young You, Young Me was reading the phone book trying to think up absurd names and then looking to see if anyone had them. Very often someone in San Francisco did. That habit contributed to making me the quasi-illiterate I am today.

Obviously my lactose intolerance isn’t too severe, because I can get away with eating a tiny amount of cheese – just not on an empty stomach. Fortunately I love goat and sheep’s milk cheese, but I also love blue cheese – in any shape or form. Thank goodness you can eat some cheese – it is so yummy. I’m now anxious to find the “idiot zabel” and give it a try!

Idiot Zabel is very tasty, and I feel a little bad about not recalling it’s actual name, but then again, this is Lame Adventures. I do eat far more goat cheese than sheep, plus now I have the puppet so now I’m even more committed. Or, maybe I’m more ready to be committed. Thanks for visiting Terri!

I need to get out more, LA. I’ve heard of goat’s cheese, but have never, ever heard of sheep’s cheese. Don’t think I’ve tried either (well, obviously not the sheep’s) but I like the sound of both the drunken and naked goat – and that’s a sentence I never thought I’d write in a public place. I’ll have to have my eyes peeled to see if the cheese sellers over here sell them… but, before I do, a quick question. They aren’t strong are they? I’m not partial to the blow your socks off varieties of cheese…

Don’t feel bad about never having heard of sheep’s milk cheese Tom. I can’t even remember the name of the one I like! The goat cheeses that I’m partial toward all strike me as mild, but there is a distinctly different flavor from the cow’s milk variety. The only way to know if you like the flavor is you have to try it. Rest assured that it’s not the type of cheese that will stink up the mansion nor will it impact your beloved hair gel.

Yes I admit those “‘lil goat pillows” look cute and charming but they likely
have the (gamey) flavor you refer to. Of the two I prefer the pecorino (sheep’s) cheese but since, for my taste, most goat cheese is about as subtle as a T-Rex…I’m not one to argue……more power to you!
Then again, as I heard from someone somewhere at sometime:
Distaste is da best taste in da world…….Kudos LA!!!

Goat cheese is the type of cheese that I am sure some people equate with strychnine, they hate it so much. It has a distinctly different flavor than cow’s milk. To those types, I just recommend they get a Bill E. puppet.

You have not been shy on this site about aspects of it that piss you off. We could trade. I could give you my do-nothing dumb phone and you could let my slender digits master your iPhone in ten minutes.

I share your intolerance although it has lightened up a little. (not sure why), but I usually eat goat cheese. We have a couple of local dairies here. My favorite is to roll the goat cheese in chopped up herbs. Delish!

Maybe your intolerance lightened up on you because you have a naturally sunny personality so you’re more likeable than me? Good to hear from you. I was wondering if you fell off the face of the earth. Will read your post soon buddy.

Yes, you were in The Land of Your Ancestors, Wisconsin (not to imply that you suffer CRS – Can’t Remember Shit). Glad it was just technical difficulties that you suffered. I know Lactaid well, very well.

I recall that you’re LI. You wrote one of the most hilarious descriptions of it. If sheep are idiots and Idiot Zabel is a sheep cheese, I’d say there are quite a few idiot cheeses in my grocer’s cheese case (which, unrelated just made me flash on the term head case). Of course, now the sheep lobby is probably going to give me a loud case of the “baaaaaaaaaaaaa”s due to sounding sheep-phobic.

Jesus, Mary and Joseph, woman. Don’t get me started on that f*ing abomination. If I ever see a Kardashian up close or any of the Real Housewives of Anywhere or another 16 year old pregnant slut I may go all John Cleese on them. And I don’t care how expletively runny it is.

On your side of the pond, they’d probably look me up and down and murmur, “There’s the idiot.” LOVE the Python skit Kate! You’d be surprised how many Yanks are averse to British humor (or, humour). That baffles me. I think the Pythons are the Beatles of humor. I recently pointed out to my colleague, (not) Under Ling (anymore), that the song, You Know My Name, seemed very Python-influenced especially when John uses the falsetto. She agrees.

Ha! What baffles me is why dental and vision are excluded from so many health care plans (including my own). Why doesn’t chewing and seeing rate care or do only politicians (starting with our commander-in-chief) only deserve Pepsodent smiles? This is a HUGE peeve with me. I wish we could get the care they get, or better yet, give them the plan I’ve got. It’s the Get Hit Hard By a Beer Truck & Maybe An Ambulance Will Take You to the Emergency Room to Die Painfully plan.