Journal

So I’ve decided to start documenting our little family adventures on occasion in videos. I love doing videos so much and love documenting special little moments of just our little family hope you enjoy watching...

Ever since I was a little girl I had a strong desire to have some effect on this world for good. Sharing my testimony and being a quiet example. Well, years passed, I grew and I had my first child and then got word that we would be moving out of the country to Malaysia for a year. It captivated me to start a blog to record my adventure. At first this was fun, I loved sharing my adventure but soon I got drawn into the Instagram blog world. All of a sudden I started questioning things I was posting, feeling bad if I didn’t hit a certain amount of likes, and comparing my life to others. Sadly enough the Instagram life consumed me. I was trapped in this cyber world of people I have never even met before but yet wanted to be there best friends. Craving attention from people who really didn’t know me. People posting pictures of things they had, posed pictures of motherhood moments, peoples adventures… its crazy to say but I got caught up in living other peoples life and not my own. Instagram began an addiction, I felt like if I wasn’t posting about my life people wouldn’t like me anymore. I felt like if I didn’t comment and like other peoples photos they would be upset, and I would feel miserable when someone un-followed me thinking to myself “what have I done to personally offend this person?” Literally it brought the weight of the world on my shoulders and I was feeling like I lost sight of who that little girl, Kaylynne, was years ago of wanting to share my testimony and being an example. Instead I felt like I was drowning and loosing sight of who I was. I prayed hard for sometime of what to do. That’s when I decided to stop Instagram all together. This was hard for me because the pride in myself said to keep doing it, that eventually I would be better but I tried that a couple of times and it never panned out. That little like button can hurt, Instagram became a popularity contest not a way to document memories. I feel like I have to say now “Hi my name is Kaylynne and I was addicted to social media”… phewww! Now that I can get that off my chest I feel a bazillion times better. Since I have left that world behind I feel like I have found my happy self again and don’t compare as much. I was living in the world standard and not in Gods standard. The thing is I got so caught up in getting likes from others I wasn’t focusing on getting likes from God, my children, friends, and husband. I’m not bashing social media, I understand that it can do great things but personally for me life feels more free without it. I challenge anyone who reads this to give it a try for a week. See if it helps you. It may be weighing you down more than you think it is. Learn to like yourself through prayer each day with God. After all His like is the only one that...

Goodness I feel exhausted and overly happy at the same time? Does it sound like I’m crazy? That’s probably because I am. Sleep deprived, running on no energy, and trying my hardest just to balance time. Venice is 3 weeks old now and I feel like life should be back to normal but it’s really hard having a baby in the winter time with so many germs and sicknesses going around. I feel so guilty with staying in doors so much when I have an overly active toddler thats use to going outdoors and running errands with me. I’m also really trying to find my place as a mother all over again. With the first kid you have to get use to not having your time dedicated only to yourself anymore but your still able to squeeze in some spare time for yourself. However with two kids lately I’ve just been trying to keep my head above the water without drowning. I love being a mother but I also really love having some quality time with my first boyfriend my hubby and some personal time to myself. I know eventually things will even out and get better it’s all about being patient in your circumstance. Easier said than done right? I was just on the phone with my mom crying my eyes out. Venice wouldn’t stop crying, stockton was destroying the house as I was trying to clean it, and I was starving to death because I had managed to feed everyone but myself yet again. I told my mom on the phone, “I just feel like I wasn’t cut out for this”, that when she told me this…”the sooner you realize things can’t always be perfect the better”. She than told me , she set high expectations for herself for so long that she could have saved herself some trouble years ago by taking the advice she had just given me. It’s so true I am a victim of wanting to be a perfectionist. I beat myself up way more often than giving myself a pat on the back. Why as mothers and women in general in society do we put so much pressure on our shoulders to seem like were the perfect moms. Half the time my house is a mess, I haven’t showered in 2 days (sorry gross), and I’m biting my tongue because I didn’t make it to the grocery store yet again and we will be eating take out for the third time this week. All I’m saying is being a mom is tough work. Lets all do each other a favor and pat ourselves on the back, because it’s not about being perfect i’s just about trying our...

My best friend Natalie and I threw a little get together, with all of our friends for a celebration for our new little babes. It was so much fun seeing and spending time with all these girls, that are just as beautiful on the outside as they are in the inside. I really did miss these ladies in Malaysia! We all have kids that are so close in age and so of course it was kid friendly and fun. Us girls chatted it up while we let the kids roam free. It’s was so much fun watching all these kids interact and play together. Another thing I longed for in Malaysia was Stockton to have lots of friends to play with, so this was kind of a dream come true for me and him. He didn’t even miss me once he just played his heart out! Also a lot of us are pregnant at the same time again too which makes things really fun. I’m thankful for these wonderful ladies I call friends in my life. Today was such a blast! ...

Matt left back to Malaysia for the 4Life southeast Asia convention. My heart hurts a little bit because I got so use to traveling with him. I was feeling sad about missing this one. Matt texted me when he landed in Singapore where we usually would stay the night together. Well when he got to the room he found that they put a pack n play in there for Stocky. Matt expressed that it was already hard going without us but having the pack n play in the room ready for our little guy made him miss us even more. It’s never an easy adventure traveling with Stockton but I wouldn’t have traded those experiences for the world. The memories we made, the friendships, and the further bond of love with Matt made it one of the best times in my life. I’m really missing it this week and feel so thankful for the opportunity we had out there because I know in my heart I will never have those experiences again but at least I have the memories and the friendships. I feel dumb at times because since I came home all I know what to talk about is Malaysia. I guess it was my life for the past 9 months. I probably do sounds like an old record player though. I just never want to forget how it molded and shaped me so much. Feeling sad with mixed emotions while Matt is there but also feeling extremely blessed I even have those feelings. After all a new adventure is just around the corner as I soon become a mom of two....

I’m up late and can’t sleep. My mind is rambling basically on everything I need to get done before baby gets here. Plus I have this burning desire to decorate for Halloween since today was the first day of Fall. I know I’ve really got my priorities straight? (insert sarcasm here) However I feel set back due to Stockton being sick and me being sick all last week. Needless to say we are still recovering over here. Is it so dumb I’m over here trying to pressure myself into getting some things done that maybe aren’t first priority right now. For example all day today I sat around and basically did nothing I was lazy, still feeling weak , and well stockton was completely opposite and feeling upbeat and full of energy. I had a doctors appointment and was really looking forward to it because it meant I could get myself out of the house for something productive. Also I had promised Stockton all day I would take him to get a pumpkin, and he reminded me about it all day. Any how we took a long nap together and we woke up a little late. I scrambled to get all my stuff together as fast as I could so I could drop Stockton off at my moms house and be off to the doctors. That’s when I looked in my car and discovered no carseat. I was literally in a panic I looked all through the garage no where to be seen. So I made a panicking telephone call to my sweet husband and sure enough it was in his car. Already late and tired I tried calling the doctors for a later appointment but they ended up canceling and rescheduling me. I would be lying if I didn’t say I have the urge just to buckle Stockton into a seatbelt like the Malaysians do and be on my way. However about 2 seconds later I realized this was not a practical idea. So I unrolled the windows and sat there exhausted letting Stockton play in the car because I wasn’t ready to let him down with saying, no grandmas house and no pumpkin today. He was disappointed to say the least but soon enough later that evening dad came home and he was as happy as can be. Matt realizing the day had been tough decided to take us to go get some pumpkins. The pure joy it brought stockton running around through the halloween department at the grocery store was priceless. It gave me the freedom I needed from my home from being so sick the past couple of days, and it gave stockton the chance to just smile and be free. In that moment I was so happy. Literally I felt like I could burst inside. Is that so dumb that seeing my husband and son run through the isles of decorations laughing together made me burst with joy?! Oh man I guess what I’m rambling on about is that everyday as a mother brings new surprises and new challenges but I wouldn’t change it for the world. I love this little family I have and I think it’s important that we as mothers, we as people recognize the little beautiful moments God puts into...

When we were in Malaysia I often dreamed of coming home and redoing my family room to bring lots of color into it, as I felt like it was so dark and gloomy before. That’s when I contacted my really good friend Stacey. Her mind for creativity is off the charts, and she always makes things so beautiful on any budget. So while we were living in Malaysia we would Skype back and forth and send messages to each other about what we wanted for this room. I put a lot of trust into Stacey as I wanted it to be a surprise when I came home. Surprised I was, I felt like I was walking into a model home and lets just say tears were shed! She did an incredible job at grasping my vision and going for it. She’s literally amazing and I totally recommend her! However I will just let the pictures speak for themselves! Literally I couldn’t be happier with the final result! I still have a long ways to go with my house but this room is a little piece of heaven for...

I’ve been home officially for a week now, already Malaysia has begun to feel like a dream. How is it that every experience in life feels like this to me? It makes me want to appreciate living in the moments more fully. The other day I was crying to Matt because I was so afraid I was going to lose who I had become in Malaysia. In Malaysia I wasn’t the same person I use to be. I appreciated life more, my relationship with Matt and Stockton grew and become something so special. I learned to become more confident and self reliant so coming home has been a process for me. When living in another country you go into, what I like to call, survival mode. You do everything you can to get through the day, focus the positive and constantly push yourself outside your comfort zone. Everyday is a surprise of what its going to happen next. So, when I came home I still wanted to find myself pushing to be a better me, but life here in the USA is so different than the grand picture I had been painting in my mind for the past 10 months. Let me expand… I had this grand picture of the how wonderful life would be once I got into the states, and it has been amazing, don’t get me wrong. However, towards the end of Malaysia I started thinking life was just going to be completely perfect. My standard was high, perhaps too high. Coming home I realized people still have challenges here. Yes, I could eat all the crappy American food I want to, but in the end that doesn’t really make me happy? I automatically felt the pressure to wear more makeup, get dressed up, and act a certain way for people to accept me. In Malaysia I let my hair dry naturally, wore little makeup, and didn’t care what others thought of me. Why is it, as women, that we feel the urge to go out of our way for others. Why can’t we just focus on loving more fully and developing stronger relationships. It’s not about what we have, things will come and go, but rather about who we have. Towards the beginning of my adventure in Malaysia I was posting pictures like crazy of the things we were doing and of the places that we were going. As grand of an adventure that was, it was not the most meaningful experience of living in Malaysia. Towards the end I started to change and post more pictures of the people. It’s the people that I loved that mattered. Sometimes we look at social media we see a face we’ve never met before and to us there life is perfect. I hope no one ever thinks that of me. In Malaysia I used social media as an outlet to focus as much on the positive. Looking at the positive out there was all I had to hold onto. Trust me I had my moments of sadness and breakdowns. I believe that those moments were just as beautiful as the best moments. It’s okay to feel broken down and beaten up with certain situations. In fact, many times that is how I feel as being a mother. However,...

Well this is our last day in Malaysia. It’s been such a humbling yet incredible adventure. Thank you all so much for the love and support you have given us through out this experience. I’m not sure if I will continue blogging publicly after this but it’s been an amazing outlet for me to meet incredible people from around the world that have shared similar experiences. Just feeling overwhelmed with love and joy from what these past 9 months have brought to us. We love you Malaysia you will always be in our hearts forever. Hope you enjoy this film, I’ve been working on it for a while now, some of the highlights of our adventure from the past 9...

It was our last time having the missionaries over while being in Malaysia. It was such a fun treat for us when we saw an Elder who had now become AP tag along with the zone leaders to our home. He was here when we were first here and we have some great memories. We felt like we started and ended with him which was pretty special to us. He will be heading home in Novemember and we wish him all the best. Its funny because we always watch the missionaries come and go but were not usually the ones leaving so it was very emotional for me tonight. They brought along an investigator Carmen that has been to our house multiple times and we just adore and love her so much! Her baptismal date is in September. We are so thankful that we got to spend some time with her before heading home. I have also gotten really close to Sister Parcell as she has been here almost the whole entire time we have. She is from Provo so it is not goodbye for us just a see you later. It has been incredible to see the blessings that have outpoured into our home because of having them over. They are all so incredible and we truly love them so much. It just puts a smile on my face knowing how much Stockton adores them. Everytime they would come over he would run into the house excited and yell friends, friends. They really were his best friends and don’t you worry he always put on a good show for them. It will be hard leaving Malaysia and not having the same relationship with the missionaries. Being from Utah you just don’t get the same closeness with them as there are waiting lists to just have them over to eat. Here we needed each other. I have such a strong testimony of the power of missionary work now more than ever. We will miss them, but they will always be in our prayers and hearts....

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About Me

Hi my name is Kaylynne and I am a wife and a mommy to two handsome boys. I love life, being healthy, staying fit, traveling, and finding new adventures with my family. I hope you enjoy reading my blog and following my adventures in the world and as a mommy.