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Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Wednesday, Aug. 9 -- That's the Way It Is

I think I need a new scale. The one I have is a liar, a mean, nasty liar. It says I am right back at my starting point (sad face).

My whole body feels swollen -- ankles, feet, fingers. It's been too hot to go outside for much of anything. I can't wait for cooler weather so we can stop boiling.

I'm having to redraft my reasons for wanting to lose weight. Of course we all agree that's our goal, but I am still missing a key element. I'm struggling to find that one piece of my inner self that determines that the desired result is worth the change in behavior to acquire it. Y'all know, as I do, that things won't change until there is a deep, inner belief that I'm worth making the changes for. (Or as Dr. Phil would say, that it is "change-worthy behavior.")

Losing weight is nothing more than applied arithmetic. Input equals outcome. To lessen our mass, we either consume less or burn more calories. Easy fact to understand. I know that, as do you. I've lost (and regained) this weight more times than I can count now. I just haven't been able to get it off now because I haven't, can't seem to, make myself priority one. I am not "project status."

I know that wonderful feeling where I "get it" -- I believe in the goal. Even if the weight loss is one or two pounds a week, I got it and knew that those small losses would accumulate to form the ultimate goal of a healthy weight. The small successes were motivating and kept me going.

I know it helped me when I had a real-life cohort, sitting right next to me, taking a different path to the same goal. We hadn't spoken of it before we started; it was a mere coincidence that we set out on our paths at the same time. When we (and other people) started noticing the weight loss in each other, an unspoken competition began. You know, that "I can't let him beat me" mentality. Eventually we started comparing notes, talking about drinking water and exercising.

Others caught that competitive bug when they saw us. There was a lot of successful weight loss going on. I got to a size 8, something I never, ever dreamed possible.

But I've lost it. A couple of things happened, including the death of my "competitor" or "partner." Other things happened where I felt like I lost myself -- family illnesses, caretaking, deaths.

Now I am isolated, working alone from home. That has shrunk my social circle completely.

There's part of the "secret".

We need personal interaction with others who support our goals, who wish for us to live our own best lives. We can't let our spirits evaporate and disappear. We have to make ourselves at least as important as the people around us. We have to put on our own oxygen masks before we help those around us on the plane with us.

OK, I hope you all had a good week, whether you lost weight or not. I have some more to think about today. ((HUGS to you all)).

6 comments:

One thing that helped me, Trixie, and helps me still is to write down all the reasons to lose weight. I have all the major ones -- health and happiness -- as well as the minor ones. I try to read them once a day and add other ones as I think of them.

And Trixie, it does help to have someone to do it with you. Maybe there is a group you can join in your area for support? Even just the WW meetings are helpful to me. We are all there for the same reason, and though it is easier said than done, maybe someone there at one of those meetings, needs someone just like you to help them through, too. And know, as well, that you are certainly worth it. You are one of the most giving people on this internet that I have seen. You inspire others to be the same. You certainly deserve to "give" to yourself. In whatever form that may be. :)

I am down .4 this week. Surprising actually and a little disappointed in myself. It would have been more had I not given in to that dang Chocolate cream pie. Ugh.

Welcome, Tonto! I just read your profile. You'll certainly fit in with everyone here, both on this blog and our own separate blogs. Sounds like you've had a life worth writing about for sure!

Not to ignore the suggestions of joining a group -- I appreciate them. I've been a member of WW more times than I can count, starting in my mid 20s (let's see, that was round about 30 years ago...) I was very successful the first few times, but as I've aged, it's become less helpful. It hasn't been long since my last go-round with WW. I didn't lose anything during the first 12 weeks. Then when an old acquaintance cornered me and offered to coach me through it, I never went back. I couldn't face having someone in the group that I knew.

I'll keep on keeping on, trying new techniques until I drill down to that inner problem that's stopping me. I'm praying for weather that is cool enough to start long walks again. Or I'll find some time for mall walking.