It's the home stretch, but there's still lots of great haunting to do!

We've seen so many great new haunts, but we haven't yet been to 5 of the Major Players yet: BLAKE'S HAUNTED BIG APPLE, DARKSYDE ACRES, EREBUS, TERRORTOWN, and GHOSTLY MANOR.

OCTOBER 30, 2013 WEDNESDAY 3 PM - PLATINUM ENDEAVORS

We broke the news last Saturday about the operator from TERRORTOWN in OHIObeing in California right now with ROB ZOMBIE to make Zombies' first haunted house, while his wife runs the haunt in OHIO.

But there's more. And it's BIG.

For starters, ROB ZOMBIE will be playing live concerts at his haunt.

If you've seen him live, you know he has a thing for giant crazy stuff on stage with him, like giant robot creatures that prance around.

This could be why TERRORTOWN was selected, because for years they've made their own giant animatronics and various contraptions.

We were both in a hurry when we talked, so I didn't think to get the details but there's one more thing he told me of interest: This is ROB ZOMBIE'S first haunted attraction location, but more are coming.

If you're a haunt fan, you're probably all like, "YES! YES! DO IT IN MICHIGAN!"

If you're a haunt operator, you're probably all like, "NO! NO! NOT IN MICHIGAN!"

So where will ROB ZOMBIE set up shop next with his new haunted attraction venture?

When we go to TERRORTOWN this weekend, we hope to find out...and then we'll spill the beans right here on Zioptis!

OCTOBER 30, 2013 WEDNESDAY 1 AM - BRAVECRAFTER

The MSU HAUNTED AUDITORIUM is a hit! The building is giant, and many actors told their stories with no words. Facial expressions and gestures can be just as effective, if not more! (Review coming soon)

OCTOBER 29, 2013 TUESDAY 2 PM - UPSIDE-DOWN CHALLENGES

Tonight we'll see the MSU DEPT. OF THEATRE DRAMA STUDENTS play a role totally unlike any other they'll likely encounter as actors!

Their 5th annual Haunted Auditorium runs tonight thru Halloween. (Details in "not in FF/HG" under the city East Lansing)

As a SAG (Screen Actors Guild) member myself, I can't wait to see what 120-150 drama students have come up with for a haunted house!

Actors can easily make or break any haunt, and good ones are always in demand!

Who remembers when THE HAUNTING in ADRIAN (on hiatus for now) wowed the crowds with the help of local college drama students?

They lived their roles it seemed, and the story their gags told started before you entered the room. It was as if you joined the madness already in progress, but it was actually carefully planned out to the exact second.

It's only two years old, but the history of DREADLAND will make you smile! Cool haunt too.

OCTOBER 28, 2013 MONDAY 8 PM - SUPER-SIZED AMBITION

OK, that's why we took tonight off...the MSU THEATRE DEPT. just called back about their CARNAGE CARNIVAL show this year on campus (see "not in FF/HG") and we got some juicy details:

They have a FOUR-STORY BUILDING to use, which is shut down totally for the week giving them free rein to do whatever they can imagine. And YES, they use all four stories of the building!

These drama students are intent on upping the realism factors through-the-roof, and about 120-150 people are involved!

WE CAN'T WAIT!

OCTOBER 28, 2013 MONDAY 4 PM - We just found another outdoor haunt near FLINT!LOCH LOMAND is a goner, but now we have the BURTON HAUNTED FOREST in BURTON. (For info see "not in FF/HG")

OCTOBER 28, 2013 MONDAY 2 PM - A new story idea just popped into my mind...working title so far is "THE GREAT PUMPKIN IS REAL, CHARLIE BROWN AND I CAN PROVE IT."

OCTOBER 28, 2013 MONDAY 2 AM - DUBIOUS AWARD UP FOR GRABS / YOU COULD BE THE NEXT LUCKY WINNER!

Here's one that almost slipped under the radar, and it could be a doozie.

What do you think about a haunt whose goal is to get at least one haunter to pee their pants every season, and is successful?

That's the credo of CARNAGE CARNIVAL, at the 5th Annual HAUNTED AUDITORIUM in EAST LANSING, presented by the MSU Dept. of Theatre. It runs Oct. 29-31, see "not in FF/HG" for details. (DEPENDS are not available at the concessions stand.)

OCTOBER 28, 2013 MONDAY 1 AM - YOU DON'T HAVE TO GO HOME, BUT YOU CAN'T STAY HERE

Sunday was closing day for the season at TERROR ON 27 in ASHLEY, so we went for "last call," and it was good to the last drop! (Review soon)

OCTOBER 27, 2013 SUNDAY 1 AM - JUST A COUPLE TRAILERS AND A FEW KIDS or YES VIRGINIA, THERE REALLY IS A BOOGIE MAN

All is well.

It stands.

A little rusty actually.

Tiny...yet GIANT. To us anyway.

ANXIETY ALLEY is open for business in LINCOLN PARK in 2013!

There...now I feel better.

Why would we even care about this, probably the¬ smallest haunt in Michigan?

If they go out of business, the other haunts will still be there.

But for how long?

Nothing lasts forever.

But with ANXIETY ALLEY still being there after all these years, for now at least, it seems to us the HAUNT INDUSTRY IS ALIVE AND KICKING BUTT!

Unfortunately, we didn't make it to ANXIETY ALLEY before they closed, having just been to 3 great haunts and of course, talking to everybody around us.

We just can't help it...always so fun trading stories and spinning new tall tales...you know, propagation of the species and such...

Anyway, also on Saturday night we had a wonderful extra companion for a fresh point of view. She's very playful and adventurous, the perfect combination for a haunt companion. We thank her for joining us!

But most of all, thanks to LAKE "EERIE" HAUNTED HAYRIDE, PSYCHO PATH, and PAPP PARK. ALL of them have unique, creative gags all their own that were KILLER!

And PAPP PARK in TAYLOR is OPEN SUNDAY, OCT. 27th.WE TOTALLY RECOMMEND THIS HAUNT! There's no website...no ads...just a honest-to-goodness haunt that TRULY DELIVERS THE GOODS. GO!!!

(For PAPP PARK info see "not in FF/HG")

OCTOBER 26, 2013 SATURDAY 6:30 PM - LOOK OUT, HAUNT WORLD!

We just talked to the operator of TERRORTOWN and he's not going to be at THAT haunt tonight.

Why? Because he's in California, helping ROB ZOMBIE MAKE HIS FIRST HAUNTED HOUSE!

That's right, you heard me...ROB ZOMBIE...the guy you hear all the time at haunts anyway. BTW, his new album has a killer cover of "We're An American Band" by Grand Funk Railroad...check it out!

OCTOBER 26, 2013 SATURDAY 6 PM - RAIN, RAIN, GO AWAY!

If it keeps raining, we'll miss the hayrides...BUT that also means we may go to TERRORTOWN in TOLEDO, OHIO area instead tonight which floors us every year! For info on TERRORTOWN see Reviews 2012_C or just click here: www.terrortown.net

OCTOBER 26, 2013 SATURDAY 4 PM - STRAIGHT FROM THE HORSE'S MOUTH

OK, it wasn't a horse...but word-of-mouth is the most powerful advertising...and we just talked to a friend who took her nephew to PAPP PARK in TAYLOR last weekend and here's her report:

She said the hayride completely spooked the nephew, who then said he was way too scared to go in the walk-through haunt (also at PAPP PARK - for info see "not in FF/HG").

Well, she forced him to go through it...then at the exit he was visibly shaking and said he's never been so afraid in his life...and then yelled, "IT WAS GREAT!"

Now is THAT what haunting is all about, or what?!

That's straight from the horse's mouth¬ to you...right here on Zioptis!

OCTOBER 26, 2013 SATURDAY 2 PM - THE ANSWER AIN'T BLOWIN' IN THE WIND

We're holding our breath, anxiously checking the weather reports.

Yesterday, the weather forecast for today was all doom and gloom...40 MPH winds, monsoons, and such.

It's never been in¬ THE HAUNT GUIDE or FEAR FINDER, and there's no website. The phone numbers we have for them are re-assigned, and nobody has mentioned ANXIETY ALLEY to us recently.

I'll bet most of you have never heard of ANXIETY ALLEY either, but they actually played a pivotal role in the creation of the haunt genre to begin with along with MUTILATION MANSION in MADISON HEIGHTS.

These haunts were just a few trailers thrown together in whatever parking lot they could find. The gags were simple but effective, like a guy with a mask turning a flashlight on himself for a moment then ducking out of sight.

Hmmm...that's exactly what the FrightLite (invented by THE HAUNT, patent pending) does! www.FrightLite.com

MAKING THE PILGRIMAGE / A THREE MILE LEAP OF FAITH

It's about 3 miles from TAYLOR to LINCOLN PARK...and we need to go to LINCOLN PARK anyway for our yearly fix of the tender, tasty, fall-off-the-bone ribs at ZUKIN'S RIB SHACK in LINCOLN PARK! "DIAL-A-DINNER" at (313) 388-1170.

For as long as we can remember, ANXIETY ALLEY has been at the LINCOLN PARK COMMUNITY CENTER parking lot on DIX.

So tonight, we'll drive down Dix and if we see those glorious ancient trailers...we'll know that indeed yes, you can go home again.

OK, it's just a tiny little trailer haunt with a few kids and probably some flashlights and paper bags that go POW!

But the significance of ANXIETY ALLEY cannot be ignored, as THIS is the seed that became the Tree of Life to the haunt community.

Is that seed still sprouting and healthy?

We'll find out tonight, but one thing's for sure: If ANXIETY ALLEY ever goes under...and nothing man made lasts forever...it could be an ominous sign for the entire industry.

PLEASE BE THERE, ANXIETY ALLEY!

You're tiny, you're just a few trailers...but if it weren't for you, I probably wouldn't be writing this right now.

Something's not right with this picture: A haunted house in Michigan that's been around since 1985...just one year before ZIOPTIS was unleashed upon the unsuspecting public...and we haven't been there yet?

SHAME ON US, and you have our permission to give us a thousand lashes with a wet noodle. It doesn't hurt, but it's awfully annoying.

Anyways...tonight we shall redeem ourselves...or die trying...as we finally make it to ST. CHARLES VILLAGE OF THE LIVING DEAD in...of course...gold 'ole ST. CHARLES! www.stchauntedhouse.com

Where the heck is ST. CHARLES? No matter...Mandy to the rescue...

Also, tonight we're excited to go to SUNDANCE RIDING STABLES in GRAND LEDGE for their HAUNTED HAYRIDE. They've been around since the 90's, but guess what? SHAME ON US AGAIN...this will be our first time here! www.SundanceRidingStable.com

OCTOBER 25, 2013 FRIDAY 2 PM - SPOOKY STEAMER TONIGHT!

WE CAN'T WAIT! We LOVE trains too, and guess what?

Tonight we'll get our haunt on AND a train fix at the same time at NIGHTMARE EXPRESS in OWOSSO.

This is a FIRST TIME HAUNT, but certainly NOT¬ by a fly-by-night effort.

The STEAM RAILROADING INSTITUTE has been around since 1979 with their full size, real steam engine trains.

They've produced dramatic shows before on the train, but this is the first time in the haunt arena for them.

There's actually another haunted train in Michigan too that we really liked in previous years from JUNCTION VALLEY RAILROAD in BRIDGEPORT called SPOOK TRAIN.

2013 is the 30th year for SPOOK TRAIN, so obviously they're doing something right! www.jvrailroad.com

But here's the deal with NIGHTMARE EXPRESS - this is a TWO DAY ONLY EVENT with three rides per night. Tonight and tomorrow...and it's over!

Hmmm...each ride holds only 140...there's probably others out there who also love both haunts AND trains...this could easily be a sell-out...better get there early...train departures are at 7:30 PM, 8:45 PM & 10:00 PM. www.MichiganSteamTrain.com

OCTOBER 24, 2013 THURSDAY 1 PM - MAKING A LIST & CHECKING IT TWICE

Somebody asked us how we decide which haunt gets what award, and it's a valid question so here's the answer.

Each haunt we visit goes through the same process:

1. We go through the haunt, making a descriptive audio recording as we go.

2. Before leaving for the next haunt, and with the award categories in mind, an additional audio recording is made by us alone as we discuss special attributes of the show we just saw.

3. The recordings are replayed later, and additional written notes are taken with a running tally of "GOTCHA!" moments of various kinds.

4. The strongest performer in each category receives their award.

Fair enough?

We think so, and also I'd like to address another issue that's come up recently.

You may be wondering why we never say anything bad about haunts, even when there are obvious flaws.

No matter how slick ANY haunt is, EVENTUALLY something will be wrong with the show, and there's plenty of haunt rating services to point them out and deduct points for each infraction.

Did the actor miss the cue? Did the fog machine quit? Did the vendor fail to ship on time?

Who cares about all that stuff, anyway?

Instead, we find the things that we like best about each haunt and¬ focus on those¬ in the stories we tell.

WE ARE NOT JUDGES...WE ARE STORYTELLERS.

Nit-picking just takes the fun out of it, and that's the last thing we'd want to do!

OCTOBER 24, 2013 THURSDAY 12 NOON - Just updated: "What's Next."

OCTOBER 22, 2013 TUESDAY 8 PM - I hope you watched the NBC National News tonight! The final "feel good" story tonight was about the 23,000 farms in the USA that make extra money from "Agri-tourism" as they called it.

How much extra money? Only $566 million per year, over HALF A BILLION!

They showed farms with corn mazes, a zip line ride, and then showed two actors getting killer makeup put on for the haunt at BLOOMSBURY FARM in ATKINS, IOWA. Then you see a cool black hole with a white-masked actor approaching, and finally some cool scare scenes before Brian Williams signs off for the night.

Way to go, NBC! www.BloomsBuryFarm.com

OCTOBER 21, 2013 MONDAY 2 PM - Our apologies to EXIT 13 and THE CRYPT for missing them last night.

We ended up spending most of the evening at DREADLANDS in DAVISON. We did the walk thru haunt, and the forest walk which is over a mile long!

The crew was so cool, we had a hard time leaving. It's always fun to talk to haunt people, and the front line stories were a mile-a-minute!

NIGHTMARE ON HARRIS ROAD at THE PUMPKIN FACTORY has a hayride AND a walk thru haunted house now.

The walk thru haunt is in its second year, and is bursting with wild energy! The hayride keeps you guessing, and is designed to give maximum access to eager monsters off AND on the cart.

REALM OF HAUNTED MINDS in ROMULUS had major renovations since last year, and raises the bar considerably on several levels.

The miniature city behind the ticket / food building is expanded greatly, and offers a unique chance to explore and pretend. We saw a young family aboard the pirate ship, searching perhaps for lost treasure...but finding togetherness.

The facade of the haunt is brand new, as is the opening sequence that will KNOCK YOUR SOCKS OFF!

Partial review now posted for REALM OF HAUNTED MINDS in ROMULUS. See "Reviews 2013_C."

OCTOBER 18, 2013 FRIDAY 2 PM - HEEDING THE CALL OF THE GREAT PUMPKIN

THE¬ PUMPKIN FACTORY in BELLEVILLE is beckoning, and that's a call we answer every year if we can help it! NIGHTMARE ON HARRIS ROAD is the new show theme, but equally enticing is their Witch's Kitchen where you'll find restaurant quality food for fast-food prices. We just talked to them, and they're busy in the kitchen right now!

The Polish food blew us away last year, and do NOT leave with trying their trademark Pumpkin Nut Rolls which are to die for!

But they also have pumpkins at the REALM OF HAUNTED MINDS in ROMULUS, and I can't remember the last time we missed them! They too have super tasty treats also, all homemade with style and pride. Your taste buds will smile big time!

But all the food is just icing on the cake at both of these haunts; make no mistake, their first order of business is a GREAT HAUNT EXPERIENCE.

OCTOBER 18, 2013 FRIDAY 3 AM - ERWIN'S BARN OF HORRORS review is now complete, and there's quite a story besides the haunt itself! It's the 2nd review in "Reviews 2013_C."

OCTOBER 16, 2013 WEDNESDAY 11 PM - TEN GALLON HAT IN HAUNT TOWN

Last Saturday night a haunt operator told us about a guy we can't wait to meet! He just happened to have been at that haunt an hour before we got there, and also is on a haunted attraction tour.

But check this out: as of the moment we heard about this guy he'd already been to SEVENTY-SEVEN HAUNTS THIS YEAR! He's been flying all over the country making notes, but he's from the Detroit area and also has been¬ buying enough goodies to start at least two haunts NEXT YEAR in MICHIGAN!

It gets better...he's flown some top people in from Texas for a special haunt actors school that is OPEN TO ALL HAUNTS!

Why would he do all this? Well, he's got his angle too because he's bound to pick up some key actors for his new haunts too.

If you're a haunt operator that hasn't heard from him, his name is Austin and can be reached on the HauntWorld website forum under user name "PHATMAN."

OCTOBER 14, 2013 MONDAY 2 AM - OUT OF MY MIND ON MONDAY MOANIN'

RATS! We missed out Sunday night, as the weather was perfect for outdoor haunts. THE PUMPKIN FACTORY in BELLEVILLE¬ beckons us again, and we can't wait to see which building the Wyandotte Jaycees selected this year for¬ BLOODBATH ON BIDDLE.

Since it's well established that haunts HELP the community, why can't you too be like the FRIENDLY CITY OF WYANDOTTE GOVERNMENT??? Check out what they do:

Every year, most cities have buildings slated for demolition right?

Well, the FRIENDLY CITY OF WYANDOTTE GOVERNMENT simply compiles a list of buildings safe enough to be used for something else before they go bye-bye forever, and gives it to the Jaycees and they take their pick.

I think the problem is, it's simply too logical for people whose living depends on red tape, and lots of it.

END OF SOCIAL COMMENTARY FOR THE DAY...MAYBE

OH NO! When are we going to BLAKE'S?

OK, we go FIRST to BLAKE'S because it's a great haunt with a first-rate hayride. But as long as we're there we MUST HAVE...TA-DAH! BLAKE'S NUT COVERED CARAMEL APPLES are SUPER TASTY, and a couple years ago at BLAKE'S we bought extras to give to the next 2 haunts we went to which ended up being REALM OF DARKNESS and SINISTER.

As it turns out, haunt monsters are ravenous for BLAKE'S NUT COVERED CARAMEL APPLES so SINISTER actually had a contest to see who could be the most intense performer for the night!

A fairly inexpensive bribe as they go I'd say.

Anyway, the Grand Prize Winner was joyfully awarded the highly prized, highly coveted, often sought but never duplicated, and OH so delicious BLAKE'S NUT COVERED CARAMEL APPLE and they danced happily into the moonlit night.

Happy days are here again!

OCTOBER 13, 2013 SUNDAY 11:30 PM - Just added to their review: JUICY DETAILS about CRAZY HOLDALLS TRAIL OF TERRORS in CHELSEA!

OCTOBER 13, 2013 SUNDAY 11 PM - MAGICAL ODDITIES

The PINK CADILLAC we mentioned last night is real!

At SHAW HAVEN FARM in MASON, they have a realPINK CADILLAC inside the main building!

OK, it's not actually the whole thing. They've fashioned the most recognizable part of a real PINK CADILLAC into a couch.

Is that wacky? Absolutely - WACKY IS WONDERFUL!

OCTOBER 13, 2013 SUNDAY 10 PM - REVOLUTIONARY BRAIN

As you know, we talk to lots of haunt industry insiders and sometimes they tell us about new developments. Usually it's nothing we can pass on; proprietary info and such.

But this one's too big, and you'll be finding out about it next year anyway so...

Never mind who told us this, but it's something REALLY BIG and could easily bring FABULOUS CHANGES TO THE HAUNT INDUSTRY!

Inside scoop on this coming Wednesday, stay tuned...

OCTOBER 13, 2013 SUNDAY 6 AM - FERTILE PEEPS

We saw many wondrous things Saturday night at BEST MAZE in WILLIAMSTON and SHAW HAVEN FARM in MASON.

Details later in reviews, but here's some highlights:

BEST MAZE has a giant performer who's very confused about the laws of gravity that is WOWING the crowds, and their innovative drainage system means no more rain-outs!

SHAW HAVEN FARM has super-stealth haired monsters that magically appear from out of nowhere and the walk through haunt has several STUNNING LIQUID SKY LASER ROOMS that are to die for!

Also, SHAWHAVEN'S new Light-O-Rama system performs synchronized light shows to spooky music on the end of the main building. Light-O-Rama is an expandable system usually used for Christmas light displays, but this is the first time we've seen it used for a haunt!

OCTOBER 12, 2013 SATURDAY 3 PM - Now posted: partial reviews for SLAUGHTER HOUSE in FOWLERVILLE, HOUSE OF FEARin HAZEL PARK and CRAZY HILDA'S TRAIL OF TERRORS in CHELSEA.

OCTOBER 12, 2013 SATURDAY 2 PM - WICKED MIRROR

I can't believe it.

My partner just called, and now her other dog has been rushed to the emergency vet clinic for surgery.

We had an aggressive schedule for tonight, planning to hit 5 haunts. But everything's on hold right now...

OCTOBER 12, 2013 SATURDAY 2 AM - REFLECTIVE CONTEMPLATION

OK, so we saw all kinds of GIANT, SPECTACULAR STUFF on Friday night...but in all honesty and I'm really not kidding...our ABSOLUTE FAVORITE THING ON A ROCKIN' FRIDAY NIGHT WAS...drum roll...get ready...get set...

A tree.

Huh?

An actual living tree, you know...one of our breathing buddies!

Where? At KRAZY HILDA'S TRAIL OF TERRORS.

Oh yeah...there's AN ALIEN EMBEDDED smack dab into it! It's FABULOUS.

How did he get there?

So I'm thinkin' like maybe this alien dude was flying over in his flying saucer...and tries to beam down but pushes the wrong button...and partially materializes in this tree...SURPRISE...he's part of the show now!

He has a bizarre look in his ALIEN EYES, and his spine looks like Paul Bunyan mistook it for a rubber band.

KRAZY HILDA'S TRAIL OF TERRORS delivered the goods big time, with one-of-a-kind haunted dummies which are pieces of handmade art that are family heirlooms too!

All this is situated in one of the best possible settings for ambiance with a haunted attraction...a big forest!

It was SO fun at KRAZY HILDA'S...running through the woods...wild action all over...partying with the aliens like in "Comin' To Your City" by Big & Rich!:www.youtube.com/watch?v=d5LlkvWexvA

CORPSE BARN in JACKSON smoked us with the hands-down best Liquid Sky laser room this season! Nobody else has done it this well to our knowledge, except for THE HAUNTING in ADRIAN which is closed this year.

THE HAUNTING was unexpectedly shuttered last year, with an announcement that they might be back...but for now are letting the beast rest.

THE HAUNTING in ADRIAN was a mega haunt that also performed large scale, and then small scale, MAGIC SHOWS that confused your brain and left you scratching your head! He defied laws of physics, and could read your mind with uncanny precision.

THE HAUNTING in ADRIAN (closed now) pulled off some of the MOST AMAZING GIANT SCALE GAGS in haunt history.

Our favorite involved a custom enormous rig that pulled off the biggest, and fastest, switcheroo we have ever seen anywhere! Never mind what it was...they still might come back...it would be SO glorious...sigh...it was such a cool drive there too...oh well, nothing man-made lasts forever...

855 Mayflower Road, just west of US 31 exit 5 between Niles & Buchanan. Take US 31 expressway to exit 5 (Niles-Buchanan Road). Go west 1/4 mile, then left (south) on Mayflower Road 1/4 mile.

Info line (269) 687-FEAR (3327) voice line (269) 445-9184 direct line to house during operation (269) 695-4526

www.haunted.org & www.hauntedamerica.com various prices

NOT IN THE FEAR FINDER, NO RATING AVAILABLE, but here are excerpts from their 2002 press release: "Scream Park has added even more attractions this year. Scream Park spans 44 acres...may be the only major haunted house with multiple routes.

There are over 100 possible ways through it, so it's worth several trips...includes Nightmare in 3-D, Dark TERRORtory Hayride and the Realm of Darkness.

Now in its 23rd year...raised over $76,000 in 2001 for children's organizations civic groups and charities." SPANS 44 ACRES?! THIS COULD BE A TRUE MONSTER!!!

2003 comment:

I JUST TALKED TO A HAUNT OPERATOR IN NORTHERN MICHIGAN AND HE SAID THIS ONE IS REALLY COOL! There's 9 POSSIBLE ENTRY ROOMS AND 100 DIFFERENT WAYS THRU AND VARIOUS SECRET PASSAGES. HE WENT 3 TIMES AND SAW TOTALLY DIFFERENT ROOMS EVERY TIME!

2005 comment:

I JUST TALKED TO A HAUNT OPERATOR IN WESTERN MICHIGAN AND SHE SAID THEY HAD A BLAST HERE RECENTLY- WE HOPE TO FINALLY MAKE IT HERE THIS YEAR AND SEE WHAT ALL THE COMMOTION IS ABOUT!