I know I’m 42, but it seems like these days there are more & more reasons for my hair to start changing colors and it ain’t the seasons that’s doing it to me. No…it’s THESE little things that make my stomach ache and cause me undo stress. How can I handle all the responsibilities of being a parent/husband when I have to not only deal with so many things PLUS these 10 irritations? Help me out here…will ya? And these are in no discernible order. They ALL stress me out to some degree…

10. Violence & sex in videogames
Not that my son plays them a lot but the violence in “Call of Duty” (which ALL of his friends play) and “Grand Theft Auto” (which was recently shown to him by one of his buddies) has me in a quandary. How much do I let him play? Should I let him play them at all? Is it TOO violent? And why are is there sex in videogames at all? I mean…I understand the buxom beauties in some games such as “Mortal Kombat” or those wrestling games but actual sex in a game? WTH??? So now that the Supreme Court has ruled that my 9-year old can buy his own games without my approval, I have to WATCH every game he decides to play? Great. ‘Cause there’s nothing I’d rather do with my day than sit over my kids’ shoulders while they play the latest edition of “Gran Prix VII: Bikini Beach Raceway.”

9. My weight
Although I’m not huge, I am definitely bigger than I was last year and it seems like no matter how many salads I eat or how many times I drink water with my turnips I can’t seem to shake it. With age comes a few extra pounds but when my wife bus me a large pair of swim trunks and they’re fitting a little TOO snug for comfort? That worries me a little. Gotta get back to the gym more often, I suppose.

8. Health Insurance
Received in the mail yesterday: “At (health company), our objective is to provide high-quality health insurance coverage at a competitive price. New medicines and treatments (which I don’t use) are necessary for the quality of care we expect today. The trade-off for these breakthrough procedures is the rising cost in health care. We continue to look for and implement ways to reduce these costs while providing you with quality coverage.”

Really? You, the health care coverage company, are LOOKING for ways to REDUCE my costs? And then it goes on to say that my premiums have just gone up by $140.43 a quarter?

Bite me, health care coverage company. You guys ALL suck. And there has never once, in all my years, been a time when my health care premium has gone down. You guys are so full of shit that it makes me laugh. The only way insurance is of any benefit to me or my family is if someone gets really, really, really, really sick and then even that’s not guaranteed. These smarmy companies will find a way to get out of helping us, even if it means a death in the family. I hate paying for health care. A majority of the time it just seems like such a waste of money. I just hope when it’s my time a piano falls on my head because if I have to use my health care coverage, I’ll probably die after 3 months in a coma and I’ll leave my family in bankruptcy. Stupid AND irritating.

7. Today’s “Pop” Music
All my life I have loved pop music and I truly believe it’s a parents job to censor what their kids hear or don’t hear but for crying out loud…today’s music has NO innuendo at all! When I was younger, did music have sexual overtones? Of course it did! But today’s music just puts it out there. EVERY popular song today references sex and my kids are singing about S&M, menage a trois and having great sex. There’s NOTHING left to the imagination! *sigh*

6. Little League drama
I admit, I try to stay out of this one as much as possible however there are times when it becomes a little overwhelming. When I was young, we didn’t have all of these leagues that were so competitive. We had A (singular) league and we all played in it and it didn’t matter whether we were better athletically than the other kid, we all got to play. Nowadays there are rec leagues and Knothole leagues and youth leagues and All-Star leagues and who knows how many there are and they are RECRUITING players?!? Uh…the kids are 9. Let’s not get carried away, okay? All this crap about these kids are better than those kids and my kid is better than your kid and so & so did this and that? It is exhausting. I want MY kids to play sports because they ENJOY playing sports. You know what the odds are that they will make it to play professional sports someday? infinitesimal. It’s probably not gonna happen. But…maybe it will happen for your kid. Good luck with that.

5. My House
Whoever sold me the bill of goods that owning a home is the American dream is full of crap. It’s more like MY American nightmare! Everything from weeds to repairs to buying more crap to make it look good. Everything about owning a home is nothing but a money pit. I wish I was more handy around the house but even if I were, I still wouldn’t be able to keep up with all the necessary repair. For my money…buy a condo. Let someone else worry about it. As for the whole “build your credit” theory? Well…my credit was shot years ago so THAT isn’t really a worry…

4. The NFL
This one is gonna date this post but for right now, one of my BIGGEST concerns is the NFL Lockout. A HUGE portion of my yearly salary comes from working NFL games for CBS and the NFL Network. Without those games I’m a fish out of water. It’s still only late June but there seems to be a contingent that feels that the season may be in peril. Of course there’s also those that think that the lockout could end as early as this coming weekend. Who is right? Who knows. But if the billionaire owners and the millionaire players can’t get their acts together, there are gonna be a lot of people in MANY industries that will be out on their butts. If there is one thing that being an independent contractor has taught me it’s that no matter how free I think I am working for myself, it’s all false. So in that way, I’m just like everyone else…except without benefits (see #8).

3. The Lack Of Time
Remember when you were young and everything seemed fresh & new? Well…I’m long past that. I’m not saying I’m thinking death is knocking on my door just yet but it’s there in the back of my mind and I have to wonder if I’ll see 84. Of course this isn’t at the TOP of my concerns…but it’s there. And I think about it. And I can’t help but wonder what God has in store for me in the next 42 years and I’m trying to be positive but who knows? I’ve been lucky so far but that can all change in a blink of an eye and then BAM!…and then…(See #8)

1. Money
Not enough of it. Ever. And it’s ALWAYS a concern. And the bills are never ending…

So there you have it…10 (okay…really 9) of my top concerns as of right this second. I’m sure that as time passes a few of these will drop by the wayside but you can be damn sure that #8 will never change. Looking for ways to lower our premiums? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Ahhhh laughter. NOTHING slows the hair from greying like a good laugh. So I guess in that way, health insurance companies HAVE done me some good…

2 Responses to Top 10 Things That Are Making Me Go Prematurely Grey

10. Do not let him play gta, he should not be beating up hookers to take their money. That game is wrong on so many levels.
7. Did you see the Southpark on music and generations?
5. Do you ever wonder where the heck Franky gets the time and money to do all the stuff he does to his house? It’s amazing! I really think he should like write a how to to book on home care and maintenance.
2. Zombies are real, the plan is to meet back at the farm. Don’t worry, we have it all worked out.