THIS
PROVES IT. I've been doing some numerological research
for a Fortean Times piece, and stumbled across an ineluctable
Secret of the Universe: that Ansible's deadly rival Apparatchik
is fated to win the Fanzine Hugo this year. Using a mystic 1997-based
cipher table whereby A=97, B=107, C=117 and so on in steps of ten, the
letters of Apparatchik add to 1997! It is the Year of Andy
Hooper (and his team). Meanwhile, according to similar ancient and
mystical ciphers, Ansible and Interzone are accursed – for their titles merely yield 666, Number of the Beast. I will spare you
my cabbalistic proofs that Tom Disch, George Orwell and Arthur C. Clarke
were fated by their very names to write novels called 334, 1984
and 2001.... Would anyone like to buy a copy of this home-made
software for generating mystic and ancient numerological tables at the
rate of several thousand per second?

Brian
Aldiss modestly polishes his fingernails: 'Last year I became
entangled with the Royal Mail and wrote the deathless prose for their
presentation packet on the H.G. Wells stamps. The proofs they first sent
me were excellent. Then someone in head office decided they should be
more pop; the results were pretty atrocious. Of course.  My
involvement gave me the chance to lobby for a Mary Shelley commemorative
for her bicentenary in 1997. It hasn't quite worked out that way. But
the RM will bring out a set of Monsters, including Frankenstein (and
Frankenstein's faithful Hound of the Baskervilles). Who will be the
artist? The man whose first professional job was to illustrate Brothers
Of The Head, Ian Pollock....'

Lionel
Fanthorpe is hosting Channel 4's Fortean TV, examining
unlikely mysteries – but, in an obvious cover-up, the first episode
attempted no investigation of his visible ability to teleport about the
set. Just like Alfred Bester's character, Charles Fort Jaunte.... Lionel
himself darkly adds, 'Terror and panic of Orson Welles proportions were
reported in the Leeds area on 1 Feb, when ungainly, dancing aliens – one said to be wearing a biker jacket and encircling white collar – were seen in the heavily wooded grounds of a derelict hospital. All will
be revealed on Channel 4 at 9pm on some future Wednesday....'

Tom
Holt is philosophical about being invited to write for the US
shared-world anthology Helltours, 'created by' Janet Berliner of
'Professional Media Services' and rather blatantly taking its
inspiration from the tourist theme-park Hell of Faust Among Equals
by, er, Tom Holt. 'I don't mind too much; after all, they've done
nothing except swipe my idea, tacitly admit they've swiped my idea,
announce that I'm contributing to their confounded anthology and then
ask me if I'd fancy contributing. They are, after all, Americans. It's
probably something to do with the time difference, or the side-effects
of nuclear testing in the Nevada desert. Still, if anybody else bumps
into these creeps, a wholesale issue of very long spoons might be in
order.' (But see A116.)

Charles
Platt 'just returned from a planning session for a "virtual
world's fair" for the year 2001. This session was sponsored in part
by The Mind Science Foundation in San Antonio, which is where the "virtual
fair" will take place. (How can a virtual event be based in
physical space? Well, that's what we had to figure out. The short answer
is that the event must be to some extent de-virtualized.) Anyway, I
chatted informally with a woman from the Mind Science Foundation who
says she has dealt personally with local personality Whitley Strieber,
who has put her into contact with alien abductees who claim they have
had strange artifacts implanted in their ears. One of these abductees
had his artifact removed at an (unnamed) lab in California and presented
it for inspection. A university lab in the San Antonio area conducted an
analysis ... and found that it was unable to identify the artifact
as being composed of any known terrestrial substance! (Translation: "Dunno
what this is, sorry.") The Mind Science people are now trying to
decide whether to sully their reputation for sane and sober inquiry by
locating another abductee and extracting his implanted artifact for
themselves. In the meantime they emphasize that they have no formal link
with Mr. Strieber, his abductees, or their implanted artifacts.'

14-15 Mar 98  Corflu (the fanzine con), Griffin Hotel,
Leeds ... UK edition of established US event. So far we've had a long
period of apathetic silence, a formal announcement of cancellation in
the face of alleged US hostility to a UK venue, and then tearful scenes
of forgiveness and reinstatement: God knows what hidden agenda lurked
behind all this. £25/$40 reg. Rooms £25/person/night. Contact
7 Woodside Walk, Hamilton, ML3 7HY.

Oops. Owing to editorial brain damage, the preceding paragraph
omits to say that this is a bid for Corflu, which awaits
ratification, acclamation, constipation or whatever – at this year's
event, in March. [8 Feb 97]

Clarke
Award. Another year, another shortlist: Voyage by
Stephen Baxter, The Calcutta Chromosome by Amitav Ghosh, Engines
of God by Jack McDevitt, Blue Mars by Kim Stanley Robinson,
Gibbon's Decline and Fall by Sheri S. Tepper, and Looking
for the Mahdi by N. Lee Wood. Winner announced at a ceremonial
thrash in (again) the Science Museum, 28 May. [PK]

Dealings
on the Dark Side.Steve Green grumbles: 'At least
three regular writers for the UK horror magazine The Dark Side
have withdrawn their services until the publishers honour invoices for
work dating back to May 96. Contributors to the sister title Infinity
– which has reportedly folded – are also in dispute.' Ominous,
ominous....

Thog's
Blurb Masterclass. The 'Usborne Spinechillers' series, we are
warned, consists of 'Full length spinetingling tales – too scary to
read in the dark!' [PB] Well I never.

R.I.P.
Alas, we are losing fans again. Brian Burgess died of heart
failure on 28 Jan, aged 65. He had seemed very much older since his
stroke some years ago, and intensely regretted missing his first Novacon
in 1995 (having been at 1-24 inclusive); his fan involvement dated back
to 1952. Greg Pickersgill adds: 'Brian was a real fan, a genuine
enthusiast for science fiction, fantasy, fandom and conventions; he
brought the same cheerful optimism to his other interests – he was
widely travelled and made friends all over the world, and was something
of an authority on G.A. Henty – and was a kindly and good-hearted
fellow, with maybe rather more than the usual quota of eccentricities,
but in every sense one of us.'  Roy Hill of Canterbury
died from cancer last August.  Brian Robinson (1946-97)
died from heart failure in mid-Jan, following long circulatory trouble
and a 1996 leg amputation; he was deeply involved in the 1970s MaD
(Manchester) sf group and in Mancon '76, and co-edited Hell with
Paul Skelton.  Phil Rogers died of a heart attack on 23
Jan. He had been a congoer since 1958, a 1960s mainspring of the BSFA, a
1964 TAFF candidate, and a cheerful regular presence at Novacons with
Doreen Rogers (Doreen Parker in the older days), who survives him. (All
sympathy, Doreen.) Phil's 'humanist' funeral is at 12 noon on 11 Feb at
Shrewsbury Crematorium. Family flowers only, please; memorial donations,
if people insist, to Leopold Muller Arthritis Fund, Gobowan Hospital,
Oswestry, Shropshire. [RH,KS]

Star-Gazy
Pie. Stargazer International Productions, whose big Dec
for-profit con in Wembley Arena was suddenly cancelled (see A114),
went into liquidation later in December. Sic transit. A
vituperative creditors' meeting followed in January: debts are
apparently on the order of £250,000, while assets are negligible
... apart from a possibly saleable mailing list which somehow escaped
the September burglary that destroyed all data files, making Stargazer
quite unable to present any financial records at the meeting. The
presiding solicitor grumbled aloud that he would have liked a bit more
co-operation; 'You only had to ask,' cried wide-eyed Stargazer boss
Simon Jenkins, but his voice was drowned in the gnashing of bilked
creditors' teeth.

Random
Fandom.Tommy Ferguson's attempt to become 'Tom' under
cover of emigration to Canada met with stiff consumer resistance ('Fuck
off, Tommy') and has been abandoned.  Nigel E. Richardson,
in his cool-dude net identity as Nicholas E. Grinder, had his
web diary
singled out for glory by the Toronto Globe & Mail web
column: 'He hates his job, despises his co-workers, and longs feebly for
appropriate female partnership. Marooned in his flat in Leeds over a
Bank Holiday weekend, he considers the possibility of getting a date,
but concludes he is too poor even to make himself presentable, short of
diving into a stack of old magazines in search of an unused fragrance
strip. He is the J. Alfred Prufrock of Net diarists.' [MM] That's our
Nigel.  Alison Scott & Steven Cain announced the birth
of their 'Pod', Marianne Susan Cain, on 14 Jan. We await word of when
she's scheduled to devastate Tokyo.

In
Typo Veritas.Peter Wareham remembers Zenna
Henderson's The People: No Different Flesh (1968 Avon edition):
'It is disconcerting to find one of the People, during a desperate
attempt to rescue a couple of humans from a flash flood, thinking "There
were still two olives hanging on my ability to do the inanimate lift."
... Martini, anyone?'

Not
Wired But Fused.Chris Priest's plans to write an
article for Wired UK were deftly countered by the unanswerable
editorial riposte that their March issue will be the last.

Group
Gropes. Hideous convulsions of apathy have racked the
Birmingham SF Group (suffering from declining attendance – e.g. a
turn-out of 12 to meet megafamous Robert Jordan) and also FOKT in
Glasgow (whose newsletter Small Fry has been folded by
despairing editor Cuddles). Diminished meetings continue; the Brum group
has moved from 3rd to 2nd Fri each month (Queen's Tavern, Essex St).
Meanwhile, reconnaissance parties from the ghastly London Wellington
meeting are investigating alternatives, starting with the Jubilee.

Intervention
Plea. The fan
lounge ('Bosh's') seeks (a) loans of photos, clippings and fannish
relics, preferably embarrassing; (b) single A4 promotional sheets from
cons and local groups, for insertion in ring-binders; (c) intending
party organizers willing to 'pool resources and hold one memorable
keynote event while retaining a platform for their individual agenda'
(er, 'Why go to lots of parties when you could have just one?'). Contact
Steve Green, 33 Scott Rd, Olton, Solihull, B92 7LQ.

Thog's
Masterclass. 'Talbert's toes whipped like pennants in a gale.'
(Richard Matheson, 'The Splendid Source') [KL]  'It was a long
time before words came to Elena's mouth. She seemed to have gone far in
search of them. They were simple words, but they seemed to have spent
long ages in a place I cannot even imagine....' (Jonathan Aycliffe, The
Lost, 1996)  'His skin turned inside out like a glove.' ...
The shocking stillness of the room wanted to blister and peel back like
a layer of skin.' ... 'Sam felt the claw in the pit of his stomach, a
dredging in his bowels.' ... 'And with every minute urging the evening
on to midnight, the leather football of anxiety inflating in Sam's
stomach was pumped still further.' ... 'A reptile claw dragged at his
bowels.' ... 'He felt a dredger move across his heart.' ... 'He felt a
claw of anxiety in his bowels.' (all Graham Joyce, The Tooth Fairy,
1996. Our researcher adds: 'Sam has quite a lot of things happen to his
bowels, but I tastefully didn't note them all.' The author moans: 'Oh
God. It was the senna pods what did it, cruelly administered to me when
I was but a child....')

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On the evening of 6 Feb, a flyer campaign by that mind-controlling
cult known as Croydon Fandom caused a substantial (experimental) move
from the Wellington pub to the Jubilee. Seemed to go OK.

David Pringle is mortified that I forgot to mention the hideously hot,
crowded and smoky launch party for The Best of Interzone
(HarperCollins 518pp £5.99; plug, plug) on 22 Jan. Good book. Nice
people. Bad site: Forbidden Planet bookshop is not party-shaped.
Bad sight: Paul Brazier's suave suit and waistcoat complemented by a
luminescent yellow tie boldly patterned with liquorice allsorts.
Alternative attraction: Gollancz's simultaneous launch of Gwyneth
Jones's Phoenix Café (£16.99) at a pub down the
road.