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A Brief, Betchy Explanation of the New Hampshire Primary

New Hampshire, the state known for, well, no one really knows what it’s known for other than it’s the first state to hold a Presidential primary, is holding said primary today.

Last week, we gave you the explanation of what a caucus is. (Ha, caucus) Now, it’s time for you to look like less of a dumb ass if someone ever asks you to explain what a primary is. Time to put on your learning caps, betches.

Let’s refresh. The caucus held in Iowa last week is a little different than a primary. State governments hold primaries, similar to official elections. State parties run the show at caucuses.

Today, registered voters in New Hampshire get to pick what delegate should run for President by a ballot vote. It’s basically like Election Day, except the person you vote for doesn’t necessarily win anything today. So as Donald Trump would say: You’re all losers.

Sorry losers and haters, but my I.Q. is one of the highest -and you all know it! Please don’t feel so stupid or insecure,it’s not your fault

There are two types of primaries: open and closed. In a closed primary you can only vote for candidates of the party of which you’re a registered voter. In an open primary, you just vote for whichever betch you think should be the President.

New Hampshire’s primary today isn’t necessarily closed or open. What we’re saying is New Hampshire goes both ways. Just kidding. If you’re registered as a D or an R, you have to vote along your party lines. But if you’re an undecided/undeclared voter, you can vote in either primary party.

Who’s Winning?

Some voters in New Hampshire got the party started just after midnight. (Get it? Party? Get it?)

In the town of Dixville Notch, which, btw, totally planning on moving to a town called “Dixville” in the future, Bernie Sanders swept Hillary Clinton 4-0 votes. For the Republicans, John Kasich (who?) beat Donald Trump 3 votes to 2.

Why does this tiny mountain town of literally 12 people matter in the primary? Well, according to NPR, Dixville Notch has the distinction of correctly predicting the eventual Republican nominee in every election since 1968. Sorry, Donald.

Only time will tell if the Dixville Notchians/Notchites can keep up their prediction-winning streak. Some New Hampshire polls stay open until 8:00 p.m. Eastern.