THE EMOTIONAL STAGES POST ONE NIGHT STAND

The good the bad and the morning after ugly

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The gloat

Got 'em. I'm a sexy fulfilled woman. Yeah you on that street corner, judge my walk of pride. I might even have a hickey! Swag, baby.

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The recap

Story time. Morning report with the crew. Sexual fulfillment fresh I still feel like the man, albeit a little out-of-body. But giggle giggle wasn't the whole way this happened silly and perfectly absurd!?

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The doubt

Ugh. That one curmudgeon was at brunch and didn't lol at my sexual conquest. Aren't I a little old for sex with strangers?

The story is oversold. I'm home in bed in the dark alone. Why me why why who do I think I am!? Ew. Abort all future missions. Ugh I'm probably STD/baby riddled and deservedly so. I am going to be single forever. No one dates their one night stand! And fuck Carrie for getting engaged. And EVERYTHING UUgHhHhH

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The pendulum

A slight vibration. I remove my head from under the covers to.. A TEXT FROM HIM!!! Ok fine I'm not the worst sluttiest human in all of NYC or the world. I'm adventurous! I'm a twenty something! And baby, I'm back! Ok so we'll probably go on a date weds. And like def fall in love. I hope I can move in that apartment was dope. I knew he would like me for my wit and charm and mom-bod! Aaaaaalls good.

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The compulsion

I sent that text how long ago? Just five minutes. Well now it's been an hour. He must be at the gym. Maybe showering. But wait it's a Tuesday. Maybe work is busy. Now it's been three hours. Maybe his phone is dead. Maybe my phone is dead. Shoot, what if HE is dead!?

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The reminder

Wait, didn't his texts like kind of creep me out? Isn't he a little old anyway? He was awfully sweaty during sex. And ew he took home a stranger, how dangerous!

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The promise

This is insane. It never happened. Number deleted from phone. Take that! Outta sight outta mind. Ugh fuck this I'm becoming a nun. Someone hand me the ice cream and a glass of wine. Celibacy feels like the right path for me. Who needs 'em anyway?