I (f20) am not sexually satisfised with my boyfriend (m30)

So my boyfriend and I have been together for a little over a year and we’ve been living together for four months now.

The sex before we started living together was FANTASTIC. Best sex of my life! His fingers and tongue are magical and his dick has touched me in places I’ve never been touched. The sex was kinky, passionate, and often.

Now, after four months of living together, the sex is vanilla, awkward, and rare. I know its normal for a newly moved in couples to go through a low period. So I brought my concerns up with him. He let me know that his low libido is probably a combination of his stressful new job, his drinking problem, the fact that he gets horny in the morning and not at night (when we have time together), and (his words) all the women of Midtown are making him miss being with a smaller woman (I’m bbw). I know he loves me, I know he is attracted to me, and that he would never cheat on me. I can’t help but be hurt by this though. I crave his body so bad and he can’t seem to stand mine. I have such a high sex drive that I am miserable. And no one enjoys non-sexual physical intimacy more than I do, but sometimes I can’t stand touching or kissing him because I know its going to turn me on and that nothing is going to happen.

I guess my question is, how do I get our sex back on track? Or maybe even some advice for lowering my own libido? I’m just losing my mind here and I don’t know how to fix this

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a_farewell: Oh, boy.

>his low libido is probably a combination of his stressful new job, the fact that he gets horny in the morning and not at night (when we have time together)

Those two aren’t so much under his control, so fair. You can work around them, and the stress from the job will hopefully lessen, but

>his drinking problem

is HIS responsibility to fix, and

>and (his words) all the women of Midtown are making him miss being with a smaller woman (I’m bbw)

is unacceptable. In no circumstance is it okay to say this to your partner. Even if he wasn’t okay with your weight, it isn’t okay that he phrased it to put you down.

Listen, I’m in between your ages, so don’t think I’m talking down to you, but this dude was 29 when you met, and you were 19, right? I’m sorry, but that’s a red flag. It’s more of a red flag that the sex conveniently dropped in frequency and quality when you moved in together, like a bait and switch.

>I guess my question is, how do I get our sex back on track? Or maybe even some advice for lowering my own libido? I’m just losing my mind here and I don’t know how to fix this

I just want to point out that you literally just asked how you could lower your own sex drive for this dude who speaks to you like crap. You shouldn’t feel like you’re losing your mind or that this is all on you to fix.

ScorpioLoverboy: That’s an incredibly hurtful statement he said about finding thinner women attractive. I’m sorry you had to hear that from him and your feelings are more than warranted.

The answer is *not* to try and lower your own libido. You have to have a real conversation with this guy about where your relationship is headed. If you’re being put down and your wants are being ignored, you have to decide whether or not you want to continue the relationship.

shabangcohen: Why are you with a guy 10 years older than you who has a drinking problem? Who tells you you’re fat?