"Love is abundant, and every relationship is unique. Love and respect instead of entitlement. Find your core set of relationship values. Heterosexism is rampant and out there, but don't let fear lead you. Build for the lovely unexpected. Fake it 'til you make it. Trust is better. Change through communication. Customize your commitments." -- Andie Nordgren, The Short Instructional Manifesto for Relationship Anarchy

Relationship Anarchy & Skills for Change

I want to live in a world where our relations with people operate within a context of liberation, instead of domination. I want us to engage in mutual and consensual contact from our “yes body” and from desire. We are used to working externally to create a more just and more equal society, and I also want our relations with others on a personal scale to reflect our greater commitment to coexistence, freedom, and justice. I believe we need to learn new skills to uphold and enact this principled style of human relating. Otherwise, we end up unconsciously replicating the habits and beliefs we received from cultural indoctrination, via the government, the media, schools, and our peers. We either repeat the past or create a new future, one transaction at a time, as we move through our daily lives.

I’m saddened when I hear from people who feel trapped in an interpersonal relational model that feels inadequate, stagnant and stuck. When we try to change the underlying approach to the way we relate, we often find ourselves encountering our own fears and limitations. The experience of the unknown may throw us into regressive behaviors and beliefs. We need new skills to enact relations that reflect our values, and we need the support of a community working toward the same goals. Relationship Anarchy offers us a new way to relate that brings egalitarian principles and practices into our communities, family, friendships, and the ways we express our needs for love, intimacy and sexuality.

I’ve created a course to bring the ideals of Relationship Anarchy together with the tools and practices of Skills for Change Coaching, an approach to cooperative relating that offers both an analysis of how power affects our transactions and also a theory of change that helps us embody new skills. We begin to restore human relations to their non-hierarchical roots, where instead of dominating others, we learn to express our own sovereignty and support the freedom of others.

Relationship Anarchy & Skills for Change Starts on June 28, 2018! We will meet 12 times through November 2018. The class is open access and you can join at any time. Sign up now!

We will consider the "Short Instructional Manifesto for Relationship Anarchy," and its meaning for interpersonal and romantic relations in the 21st Century. This discussion will include ways to decolonize our worldview around the “right vs. wrong” binary belief structures of white supremacy, and to aim for sovereign, egalitarian relations with our friends, family, and beloveds.

As we apply the principles of Relationship Anarchy to our everyday lives, we will learn Skills for Change tools and a theory of change that we can engage in transactions and embodiment practices. These skills include the following:

Recognize when we engage the rescue dynamic to solve problems.

Ask for and listen to 100% of what we each want.

Co-create relations that are mutual and respectful.

Learn internal and external negotiation.

Explore our embodied wise adult consciousness.

Develop our ability to set dignified boundaries and agree upon shared standards.