Your Blogging Staff

Contributing to this blog:
- "Dave" is Dave Barry, who is a humor columnist and presidential contender.
- "judi" is Judi Smith, who is Dave's Research Department, as well as being interested in men.
- "Walter" is Walter, a bone from the penis of a walrus.

August 10, 2004

OLYMPIC UPDATE

After various flights lasting a combined total of six years, I have arrived safely in Greece. It's hot and a little crazy, but everyone -- that's right, everyone in the entire country -- is really nice.

I again thank all you blog commenters who sent advice and information about Greece, especially those of you who warned me about the system for toilet-paper disposal, because, incredibly, you were right.

My first newspaper report from Greece will appear in the Miami Herald tomorrow. And now, I am off to see the ancient whaddyacallit. Later.

Comments

I was in greece last year and I spent a lot of time at those ancient whaddayacallems. Also the whaddayathinkaboutems, the howdoyousayems, and the moulin rouge javelin shafting lounge. I suggest dave see that first.

Actually, I once met a Greek who wasn't very nice. Then again, I met him here in South Florida, not in the "landofamillion-ancient-whaddyamacallems". That may have something to do with it. Hell, South Florida changes people. Look what it's done to me!

Six years is a long time to spend on a string of commercial flights. I have newfound respect for Mr. Barry, who probably entertained the daylights out of his fellow passengers by telling parachute jokes over the Atlantic. The only downside was that, unexpectedly, the Olympics were over by the time he made it to Greece.

With the time zone differences, if Dave says his first column from Greece will be in the paper tomorrow does that mean later today or yesterday? It's always a little hot and crazy in this blog, too... why leave?

IX. no wait, that's roman numerals. what did the greeks use? not arabic numbers, because that's not greek. i think it is all greek. i saw an ancient whooosis one time, but i dont know about a whatchamacallit. it could have been a doohickey, but i think those have to be mechanical. i look forward to your report.

Don't sweat the toilet thing, Dave...just find a Walmart. No doubt you can flush the toilet paper THERE. Walmart is like an American embassy. Terra firma Americana. Home with yellow smily face stickers. And if they bust you for tossing your TP down the septic system, just wave your Miami Herald creds at them and claim diplomatic immunity.

Oh, god...I just thought of something. Do you suppose they don't HAVE Walmart in Greece? ((Shudder))

My friend who has been abducted by aliens 13 or 14 times says that their favorite method these days is transatlantic flights. People are so disoriented that they can't tell if they've flown for 6 days to Greece or 6 years to Galamdaktar.

On the plus side, Galamdaktar is celebrating their Olympics now too, so your reporting will be the same (though you might not want to claim the US won Gold in the javelina probe, since our performance at the good will games was so poor).

So I have to ask the obvious: why exactly can't they flush tp? Do they use low-flow toilets in Greece, too? Are there pennies on the Greek urinals? or drachmas? Leave 'em a penny, Dave, and see if it screws up their economy.

Latin math, I can actually answer this. So, basic math, 14 + 17, or XIV + XVII. Notice that the I in XIV is being subtracted. We'll begin by writing the two numbers next to each other:XIV XVII. The subtracted I in XIV cancels out another I, so we cross them both out: X I V XVI I . Next we put the remaining letters into descending order: XXVVI. Simplifying gives us XXXI.

There are similar methods for division and multiplication, but we have evidence that most ancient persons were too lazy to do this, so they used the abacus, an invention that, in proper hands, can be faster than a calculator - or your average college BA student.

Using "aliens," "javelin," and "probe" and "post" in the same message is even worse than using "aliens," "javelin," and "probe" without "post," especially when one thinks about a post potentially being a long, cylindrical, probe-like object. And when the subject involves Greeks.

dave, the trip goes much smoother and cost less if you avoid things like flying on American owned airlines and hanging with bossy, opinionated Americans. Speak in a different language than English even if you don't understand yourself.

Hey, the ancient whadyacallit up on the hill with the thingamagig would look so much better if it still had the Elgin Marbles on it. But nooooooo, the Turks had to blow up the building and then Lord Elgin had to truck all the figures to London. So, if you want to see them you have to go to the British Museum. Go figure, sounds like something an American would do, doesn't it? Sign the petition to have them return them to Athens!!

Dave, welcome to Greece! Your first article was very good, starting with all the important things like toilet training. It's very exciting having you here reporting on the Games. No, I won't give you my house (not paid up yet) or carry you (bad back) but other than that you are welcome, provided that you dispose of TP in the little basket. Oh, and please stay of the subject of TIPIYOTKI; many Greeks feel very strongly about this, so it would be best to avoid this sensitive topic.
Welcome in Athens!

I lived in the Dominican Republic for a couple of years, and the toilet-paper sitution was exactly the same there. It almost seems to me that this is pretty standard for any country that isn't top-notch to middling first-world.