Tag: happiness

I have always been someone who is a deep thinker. If you look at me it may not seem that way, but the gears are always going inside my head; continuous scenarios replaying, questions and curiosities, what if’s and why not’s, constantly going without end. I’m one of those people. I am also one of those people who journals a lot. I like to get my thoughts out on paper, especially because I have many of them. Not everyone is up for deep conversations so I am left with my pen and my journal.

It’s interesting though because I never enjoyed writing in school or having to write in a specific format. That’s not a strength of mine, however, after just taking an English course this past semester I was pleasantly surprised at my passing grade AND having one of the third highest percentages in the class. Pretty cool and yes, I’m bragging. ;)

Recently I started reading Jamie Tworkowski’s book titled, “If You Feel Too Much.” Jamie is founder of the non-profit organization To Write Love on Her Arms, a movement dedicated to presenting hope and finding help for people struggling with depression, addiction, self-injury, and suicide (http://twloha.com). This book is deep and raw. It is a compilation of personal stories, e-mails, and essays that let’s people know they are not alone.

I loved blogging, mostly for fun, but I really enjoyed knowing someone may have gotten something out of it. I haven’t in so long because life can get in the way. That daily routine we all get lost in. Jamie’s book has been a reminder for me to keep doing what I love and to keep my own personal stories going. It has also reminded me to keep inspiring others as much as I can.

“It’s better to be true than to be cool. Be yourself. Do what you love.”

Today on All My Children, Bianca said the most encouraging words to her girlfriend, Marissa (to read more about them, look under my Pages on the right side of my blog). Bianca has been through the coming out process already and knows what to expect when it comes to people’s disapproval. Marissa asks her how she deals with all of it…

This is what she said:

“I just remind myself that we’re not the ones hurting anyone. I just want what everyone wants, to love who I want to love and without feeling shamed or judged for it. And I deserve that! And you know what so do you.”

I honestly felt these words within my bones. I know what it’s like and this was even a great reminder to myself that I deserve happiness just as much as the next person. This is something we should always take with us through life.

Being a teenager is hard, having to experience your bodies and voices changing. Hormones raging and sexuality starting to show. It’s a very confusing and difficult time in life. It’s a time when you’re trying to find yourself. Your true colors (so lesbian of me, hehe). Do you remember a time when you just wanted to fit it but you didn’t know exactly where that was? Yes, we all go through it.

What if you’re a teenager AND you’re having feelings about the same-sex? Uh oh, it just got harder, didn’t it? This is where the It Gets Better Project comes in handy! This project didn’t exist when I was a teen, but I’m glad it exists now.

An overview of the campaign:

In September 2010, syndicated columnist and author Dan Savage created a YouTube video with his partner Terry to inspire hope for young people facing harassment. In response to a number of students taking their own lives after being bullied in school, they wanted to create a personal way for supporters everywhere to tell LGBT youth that, yes, it does indeed get better.

Two months later, the It Gets Better Project (TM) has turned into a worldwide movement, inspiring over 10,000 user-created videos viewed over 35 million times. To date, the project has received submissions from celebrities, organizations, activists, politicians and media personalities, including President Barack Obama, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, Rep. Nancy Pelosi, Adam Lambert, Anne Hathaway, Colin Farrell, Matthew Morrison of “Glee”, Joe Jonas, Joel Madden, Ke$ha, Sarah Silverman, Tim Gunn, Ellen DeGeneres, Suze Orman, the staffs of The Gap, Google, Facebook, Pixar, the Broadway community, and many more. For us, every video changes a life. It doesn’t matter who makes it.

The website http://www.itgetsbetter.org is a place where young people who are lesbian, gay, bi, or trans can see how love and happiness can be a reality in their future. It’s a place where our straight allies can visit and support their friends and family members. It’s a place where people can share their stories, take the It Gets Better Project pledge, watch videos of love and support, and seek help through the Trevor Project and GLSEN.

I’m proud of where we are at now and that these organizations exist. It’s important to never feel alone in your battles. You always have support and I can say that, it DOES get better! I promise. I took the pledge on there website and I’d love it if you did the same. It takes a minute or two. You’ll be pledging to help spread this positive message to friends, family and neighbors. Speak up against hate and intolerance and give those teenagers a sense of hope and that they can get through it!

“When did you realize you were a lesbian?” “If I’m attracted to someone of the same sex, does that make me gay?”

So many people have asked me these questions before and all I can do is share my own story and advise them that not everyone has the same conclusion as I do. We all come to find ourselves at different periods in time. Some find they are attracted to members of the same sex at an early age and others discover it after they are married with 2 children. It just depends how in touch you are with your own feelings and if you’re willing to explore them.

Personally, I first kissed a girl at the age of 11 and from that point on till I was 16 I always thought about it. That experience never left my memory. I had boyfriends and really felt like I was interested in them, but something was missing , a big something – sexual desire. I was never comfortable going further than kissing – it just felt awkward to me. When I was 17, I finally decided to explore my attraction to women. At that point I was always looking at women and thinking way more then just “she’s hot.” I met a girl, we talked, and that was that. First time I kissed a girl again after that one when I was 11, I was sure I was bisexual or a lesbian. All those feelings of butterflies, anxiety, desire, etc were all there with girls. It felt right. I continued to explore, talking to various girls and trying to relate my feelings towards girls with theirs. By the time I had met my ex-girlfriend I was positive I was a lesbian (this was at the age of 19.) Everything I desired in another person I found in a woman.

If you’re questioning your own sexuality, I’d say explore it a bit. As time goes on and I educate myself more I truly believe labels are not important. Only your own happiness. Sexuality is fluid and for some people it’s always changing. Society loves labels and will always try and label you.

For an ending note – if you’re attracted to a member of the same sex, it does not mean you’re gay. It just means you’re open to possibilites. :D Please feel free to share your own stories and ask questions!