March 05, 2010

Sea Change.

Change me. These words first came into my mind about a month ago after a friend shared this woman's story with me. I have nothing in common with her, but I heard and understood her desperate prayer, "Change me."

While visiting friends last weekend, I spent some time in their old claw foot bath tub, watching the pine branches brushing against the window and smelling the wonderful breakfast being prepared downstairs. Floating, I had the very same thought: My life has to change.

Meaning: I need to change the way I am within the wonderful life I already have. My house needs to be like that. It needs to be a place that people come and feel the warm embrace of friendship, within the presence of generous time. I need to re-think the way I approach my work. I need to spend time every day in my art studio. I need to replace the floating sofa that was eaten by my Yard Bear a couple of years ago.

I am aware that an unconscious process of sorting is going on in the background. Returning home from the visit, that sorting was fueled when I learned that my mother received a confirming diagnosis of dementia.I have to change. And like you, I'm not really sure what I mean by that yet. I just know that things are happening within, and I'm asking myself many, many questions.

One of those question, is, Why are you here? I mean, you, Two Kitties reader. What brings you back here?Why do you read me? What do you want to read about? Who are you? What do you look like? Those are questions I need answers to.

I want your photo emailed to me so I can keep it in an album on my desktop. Yes. I do. I can't explain it, I just know it will help me sort.

P.S. The Jacques-Louis David painting has a really interesting story behind it. You can read about it here.

Comments

You can follow this conversation by subscribing to the comment feed for this post.

Heidi,
I read you blog to try to fill an artistic void in my life. When I was a teenager living on the farm I thought once I left I'd have this life filled with culture and travel. Instead I ended up traped in an office perfoming work that doesn't fulfill me with people I don’t like. Can you tell I am in a funk today? Maybe it is another cloudy day, or maybe it is the condesending attitude of the young financial go-getter I met at a conference yesterday. I might be 47, but I’m not completely irrelevant yet. I would like to make a change in my life, but never make an effort to do so. If you come across a good remedy to help snap out of this funk and get on with my life let me know. In the meantime I will continue to enjoy your creative blog postings.

Heidi-- I don't read regularly, even though I always intend to. I guess it's kind of like most things in my life, come to think of it (cleaning house, blogging, exercising, etc.) After getting around to doing any one of these things, I always feel better. And that's a big part of why I do keep popping by to read your blog. Your blog makes me happy.

I love the things that you write. As other commenters have noted, you have a unique way of looking at the world. And I treasure the way you record and relay what you see to readers like me. I love your insight, your creativity, your wit, and your willingness to realize that life isn't always meant to be serious.

And let me just say, thank you for being you and for always being so honest. Often your posts make me feel like I'm not alone and that I'm somehow connected to you and to something greater.

I hope that by commenting today that I can imbue you with that same feeling. What you're going through with your mom is definitely scary and will no doubt require some change. But I know in my heart that you have the strength within to be able to face this. And if you don't, please know that I'm here as a someone to lean on.

Heidi, i opened the blog because of the beauty of this particular photo, then I read your thoughts and I understand what are you saying.
Because you are different you see things different ... but you have the intelligence to ask, and you find answers, you will,
you are very special and sensitive.
love you
e

I read your blog not just because I'm your sister, but because it brings me a point of view from a world that I don't have much exposure to, ordinarily. You see things so differently, and that wakes me up, expands my mind, and shows me opportunities and visuals I wouldn't ordinarily get. You rock!

Heidi, we all need to change, but only some things. Sometimes we are just spinning our webs so fast, we don't realize the great things we should do for ourselves, the things we should change or even cherish the things we are already doing right. YOU already make a difference in so many peoples lives, in your work and through your sharing of information. You've been traveling away from home, and I think, when we get a different perspective away from our everyday lives, we can think a little clearer for a change. You're lucky. You are halfway there when you recognize what can make you better. Now you just need to implement it. I'll send you a picture so you can look at it and know that what you do -- well, it inspires me. I'd like to be more like you -- so if you get better -- you inspire me to do better. Isn't that nice? Thank you for being who you are -- today, and tomorrow!