Pages

Sunday, September 2, 2012

Father - bah humbug.

2. Father

Every other idea I had for today was too depressing to capture.

So here's my "father" submission. My beloved Robin snuggled up to me,
demanding attention and trying to nurse on my tummy. Robin is my baby, he think I'm both his mother and his father. I bottle fed him when he was small enough to fit in my hand. Now he weighs 30+ pounds and still comes to me for comfort and love. Cats are the best.

I fully admit that I still have daddy issues. It took a long time, quite a bit of therapy, and years of healing to be able to talk about my biological father without being angry or sad to the point of tears.

The fact is, not all of us are lucky enough to have a father figure worth applauding.

Mine was a drunk who liked to tell me how worthless I was and made me feel like trash no matter what awesome things I accomplished. He's the one who picked his drinking and his mistress over me, my brother and my sister. He's the one who decided we weren't worth fighting for. And now, he's the one who is trying, after 15+ years of being absent, to "keep in touch" via Facebook.

I accidentally did accept his friend request and immediately removed it. He messaged me and said he heard I was doing well with my career. Too bad I don't need his approval now... when I was 13 I did but now I could care less if he's proud of me or not.

It feels bad to be so cold about it. I know there are many people who love to have their fathers back in their lives and think I'm a fool for not taking this chance to reconnect. I've had to think about it a lot lately and I know I'm making the right decision.

I am choosing to hold close to me the family I've chosen rather than those who are tied to me only by genetics. I'm choosing the people who have been there for me in the good times and the bad. I'm choosing love over duty.

Now that I've been all serious... here's another cute cat picture for the happy thoughts.