My New Business Idea For Ricky De Los Santos

Ricky, Ricky, Ricky. Why Don’t You Just Invite Us All Over For A Party?

Ricky De Los Santos is the owner of the company trying to open a horse slaughter facility in New Mexico. The poor man has been met with one legal obstacle after another and now he would like us to feel sorry for him. Being located in Roswell (where the aliens from another planet live) perhaps the poor, struggling businessman really has been a target of a massive government conspiracy to see him fail. Then, of course, there was that recent mysterious fire and insurance claim when the plant could not open on time. Not that anyone would ever suspect him of insurance fraud.

With upstanding citizens and employees such as Tim Sappington “gunning” for him, I mean, why shouldn’t we all have his back and stand in support of his American dream? Sappington, a model employee, by the way, deserves another chance at work. He was willing to start killing horses on his own when the plant could not open. What’s a bullet to the head at point blank range among friends anyhow? Shouldn’t we open the plant to allow Sappington and others like him the chance to kill more horses? Isn’t there something in the U.S. Constitution about equal rights for all including sadistic sociopaths?

Ricky Needs To Rebrand His Image

Being a professional marketer that has helped scores of business owners, I have a new business idea for poor Ricky. He needs to improve his public image; rebrand what he does as family fun! Perhaps, he could open “Ricky Santo’s World” — maybe his tag line could be, “forget the miracle of birth, come and witness the miracle of death!”

So, hey, Ricky, why don’t you open your facility to the public for tours to raise a few bucks? You know, bring little school kids on field trips, invite all those whacky animal activists, and people who have to live near your facility so they can see up close that what they imagine goes on in slaughterhouses (what they can hear, see, and smell) really is not so horrific after all — nothing like we see on YouTube. It’s more like a slumber party for horses that they never wake up from!

Offer slaughterhouse tours and show people what a wonderful place it is to work and be, especially if you are a horse seeking humane treatment! Heck, maybe even throw a good ol’ fashioned BBQ and serve up horse burgers — you can even eat one first to show us they are safe and tasty! Serve it up with a side of dog or cat and make it extra special and call it “Companion Animal Week!” That would certainly rival “Shark Week,” I mean it is all about predators just eating and making a living, right?

So, invite us all over to dinner and day of fun at the abattoir. We can bring our own aprons, butcher knives, and stun guns (don’t worry, like you, we would leave our consciences at home.)

To get the kiddies excited, offer birthday parties and give free last-minute pony rides before you execute them. You know, just to convince the rest of us you are not a total douche bag.