Q: I have virtually no friends, but I don't try to get to know anybody. I purposely stay away from any kind of friendship. What should I do to change?

-Angela W.

A: Hi Angela,

I’m so sorry you’re in this friendless state of being, but I am very pleased you’re reaching out for help and advice. This action tells me you are not happy with your current state of loneliness, and you’re ready for change. This gives me a sense of great hope for your ability to turn this situation around and find the friendship you seek. What immediately jumped out at me, however, was your second sentence which reads, “I purposely stay away from any kind of friendship.” Since you have the ability to purposely stay away from people, you also have the ability to make yourself engage people.

I suggest you start by changing the way you behave by making yourself engage people. I know this sounds simplistic, but action is often the antidote for issues like this. Of course, it is possible this is not simply an act of will and you have something much deeper going on. If you suspect or know that is the case, I strongly recommend you explore this with a therapist. However, if it’s simply habit or a lack of confidence, I suggest you practice a little bravery and push through this! For example, you could create a short list of basic conversational questions, practice them in the mirror and then pick one or two people a day to try them out with. This will force you out of your current pattern and give you a brief, safe taste of interactive engagement at the same time!