HERMAN: Seniors helping out more with grandkids

This isn't the first time we have discussed grandparenting and
its accompanying joys. I have one grandchild; he has provided me
with glorious and sobering experiences. He went swimming with me,
we biked regularly, played games and read poetry. Despite the fact
that many of my peers have numerous grand- and great-grandchildren
with whom they have wonderful times, I feel singularly blessed.

This past weekend (or two weeks ago) we marked "Grandparents'
Day." A lovely excuse for honoring and remembering us, considering
our best work is that of "spoiler."

When Matthew was in the third grade, I was invited to school to
be honored with many other grandmas. We were fed cookies and milk
and entertained raucously. It was a delightful hour.

As grandparents today, we have an increasingly large role to
play in young kids' lives. According to an Associated Press story,
the newest grandparents are baby boomers, a growing number,
escalating at twice the rate of the general population.

This generation is sticking close to family. In many cases,
grandchildren are already living with their grandparents, with or
without their parents.

Grandparents "help out" in a variety of ways. The graying of our
population and the faltering economy can be blamed for numerous
changes in life patterns and responsibilities. According to Amy
Goyer, a family expert at AARP, "Grandparents have become the
family safety net."

I am certain you readers experience the many ways in which we
"help" out our kids and grandkids. My own road is not unique.
Babysitting always was our joy and responsibility.

Sixty years ago, when my children were toddlers, we "left" them
with my parents on many occasions in our home or theirs. When my
parents visited, they were happy to baby-sit. Often they suggested
we leave, take time for ourselves, while they stayed and played
with the kids.

Not everyone can extend that kind of outreach. I have a friend
who recently recalled asking her in-laws to baby-sit. Their answer
was, "No, thank you, that is not fun for us." Many members of the
up-and-coming "senior" generation are very busy themselves and not
eager for an additional responsibility.

The rest, however, have the time and inclination to enlarge the
scope of their babysitting. They take youngsters to medical
appointments while both parents are working. Time off from work is
not so easy to come by today. And we have other roles, like taking
Johnny to his Cub Scout meeting or Suzy to the after-school
festival.

"Taking up the slack" has many meanings. In this poor economy,
with limited health care options, many grandparents are buying
infant formula instead of gourmet treats for themselves; paying for
tuitions instead of cruises; buying school supplies instead of
theater tickets. So many gifts have, of necessity, become cash
instead of toys.

Grandparents by definition used to be old, infirm, needing help,
frequently dying at a "young" age. All that has changed. America
may be graying, but we are staying healthier. Many grandparents who
remain in the workforce manage to continue to "take up the slack"
and reach out with help.

According to the census, 10 percent of children in this country
live with their grandparents. Not always easy to have two families
under one roof. The melding of lifestyles is tricky and requires a
great deal of accommodation.

On the other hand, some of our peers are raising their
grandchildren alone. We have already noted that some grandparents
are as "young" as in their 50s, still working, but usually willing
to step up to the plate. I hesitate to list all the reasons that
children might be growing up without at least one parent to tuck
them in at night. We can run the gamut from death, drugs, disease
or disinterest and everything in between.

Our grandson lived with us for three months during his high
school years. Great to have him close, but quickly many of our
habits fell by the wayside. Our easy, nonchalant retirement
schedule evaporated, and life changed for us. When we were tired,
we nevertheless had to remain alert. We had forgotten about
supervising homework, waiting up for a child to come home, stocking
the refrigerator for a hungry teenager.

We picked up the slack for the same reason you do; we met a
need, just as you do. Two-thirds of American grandparents are
"taking up the slack"; we share a unique love for those kids and
their parents. Playing and reading together have expanded horizons
and enriched life for everyone.