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Saturday, 26 July 2014

Top CFC FC Fired for Suggesting a Sov War with N3

One of Goonswarm Federation's highest ranking FCs was booted from the alliance today after suggesting the coalition actually engaged N3 in an 'consequential' and 'enjoyable' war.

The Mittani was rumoured to be outraged when he heard the deviant FC's suggestion of a dual pronged attack on BoT in the north and NA in the south, and sought to re-educate the player. "Do you have any idea how nullsec works!? Why would we violate BOTLRD? Why is the enjoyment and fun of our 40,000 members and the health of the game more important than the continued existence of my spacetribe? Why would I actually solve nullsec stagnation by SBUing Paragon Soul when me and Endie could write columns about it while pissing off thousands of pubbies?" For thirty minutes The Mittani gave a list of reasons as to why the CFC would not be going to war, before telling the FC to 'go to wormhole space or something if you want to use your dread against other players.'

In just weeks prior to this N3 had a similar dispute, in which a INK FC tried to start a fun and meaningful fight by SBUing and taking a BRAVE system. He was quickly tugged back by progodlegend after he heard of this, where he was informed of the importance of not losing money which could've been spent on the construction of titans. "We have the Great Catch/Providence Game Reserve here for a reason, it exists so we can entertain ourselves without having to fight the CFC and their thousands of megathrons. If we piss them off they'll stop fighting us and we won't have anyone to shoot for the next two years while we build enough titans to win victory against the CFC."

Meanwhile CCP's best minds are hard at work at work in Reykjavik as they frantically try to work out why the PCU count is at its lowest level in six years. Someone looking through the window of CCP's office reported seeing CCP Fozzie, CCP Rise, and CCP Seagull fashioning objects out of lego in a boardroom for several hours, sitting next to a flipboard labelled 'MOBIEL STRUCTURES'. Eventually Rise assembled a structure that looked somewhat like a satellite dish. He delivered it to Fozzie for approval, who shook his head and crushed it in his hand.

There was brighter news on the horizon for Eve though as its main competitor Star Citizen announced its ambitious new $100,000,000 stretch goal - putting a man on the moon using a functional model of the Aurora, one of the largest ships in the 'game'. It still seems nullsec and CCP have plenty of time to correct nullsec.