End of the Week Explosion #7

What a crazy week! Fantastic Four 2! Batman costume! Death! Omnibus attack! Kelly Clarkson! Luckily Seacord, our friend and the angriest fanboy on the planet, just got back from Japan and had some time to talk about what’s going down…

Q: So late-breaking news – Entertainment Weekly (who this week totally ripped off my “Greatest Action Movies of All Time” manifesto AND got it wrong by including adventure movies but at least they put Die Hard in the #1 spot) has this exclusive image of the new Batman costume. Shoulder pads ?

What is it with movie “visionaries” screwing with the Batman costume with each and every inception of the character? I mean now he looks like a cross between the Road Warrior and Robocop. Hmmm, Dark Knight, Frank Miller, connection…get on it conspiracy bloggers.

Q: The big surprise this week was that I liked Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer. I’m not lying – I did. So my question to you is: Has the unexpected positive reviews of the movie changed your stance on not going to see it?“Shocked and in a state of awe” is pretty much how I can describe my reaction to your review. Hey, I’m of the mindset that we see pretty eye to eye on most flicks so yes, I will check it out –against my better judgment– even after all the TERRIBLE Burger King commercials and tie-ins. I’ll see this movie, for more than the fact that Jessica Alba’s clothes burn off…bless her heart.

Yeah I had a lot of time to read dictionaries while I was in prison and I know this one hands down. It is a combination of the Latin word for form-changing robots (Omni) and public transportation (bus). Little known fact, there was a highly unsuccessful attempt at incorporating a NYC bus into the Transformers cartoon but the writers eventually realized it wasn’t conducive to child advocacy groups to have their champion smell like urine…those bootlegs are worth … well nothing. I’ve tried to sell them on eBay. If you’re interested contact me by my eBay user name: Ieattrash72.Q: OK – there was news this week that the Neil Gaiman Death: The High Cost Of Living movie was getting under way. Who would you cast in the title role?

I really like this book. I can’t recommend it highly enough. I think this will make a great movie and yes, no matter the reviews I will be there opening night. I’d steer away from the Marilyn Manson-esque Goth actress and go with a more fun character who, though looks the part, is more like the girl next door. I think the obvious choice is Angelina Jolie. I think she’d do a great job combining the Lara Croft character with her character from Girl, Interrupted (meaning the personalities she used in those films because her real one is obviously insane). My second choice, Amanda Bynes. She’s the Man should have won an Oscar.

Q: Let’s talk about the most important thing that happened this week – the fact that I may have received an advance copy of the new Kelly Clarkson CD. I can’t confirm or deny this, but I can say that if I had an advance copy, that I would think that it was awesome. Do you remember where you were when you first realized it was OK to like Kelly Clarkson?

Almost exactly… I was pretty weirded out that I thought “Since You’ve Been Gone” was one of the best songs I’d heard (in that genre) in a long time. The whole album turned out to be incredible. I picked it up and I think I may have even laughed and said it was for my non-existent sister to the severely pierced check out guy at Tower (R.I.P.). Not that I cared what this guy thought of me, I just thought that someone might revoke my “man” card if they knew I was buying this for myself. So then I head over to Hooters to meet you and I uttered the words “You know what’s a great album and you’re gonna totally hack on me for it?” You answered, “Kelly Clarkson, and no it’s a great album.” I think we both started laughing. Good times. Good times. Then you had to blow it by trying to hug me.

Q: Is it possible that the John Rambo trailer is the best trailer in movie history? And if so, should somebody publish a comic book on the subject. I don’t mean an adaptation of the movie, I mean a comic about how spectacular the trailer is.

No bro, it is possible that the sun might rise tomorrow. It is possible that if I lick this light socket I will get electrocuted. OK, no, that’s a fact. What was the question? Oh yeah, that and that licking light sockets hurts are facts. BEST EVER. Like I told you, if that movie is The Notebook with just a cut scene of that trailer, still a top ten movie for the year. They shouldn’t make a comic adaptation just a free give away with the words “put this down and download the trailer for John Rambo, jackass.”

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