Bottoms up

This is something new. Like most sports enthusiasts, I absolutely despise getting up from my seat to grab a beer at a stadium. I start the game with the best drinking strategy in mind, but within an hour I’m locked into the same cycle as every other person in the nosebleeds. Boy, do I enjoy squinting at the concourse monitor, standing 15 people deep in the concession line while a perfectly executed one-handed grab unfolds in the end zone. Then, of course, I return to my seat with a fresh beer and proceed to nurse that thing through a long stretch of mind-numbing playtime. Hold on, the Redskins are charging down the field? Wait, let me go grab another beer. Clearly I have poor spectator skills.

However, this new invention from GrinOn Industries might just be the perfect cure for the common concession line. Its Bottoms Up Dispensing System utilizes magnets installed at the bottom of the cup. When you set the cup down on the dispenser, the pressure from the beer pushes up on the magnets, filling the cup from the bottom up. Here, follow this link to check out the musically festive video:

Now, from a pure spectator’s perspective, this is fantastic. GrinOn’s system is capable of pouring up to 56 beers per minute, which I’m sure has the authorities ecstatic. But, from the perspective of someone who values “Beer Clean”—which you can read all about at the Cicerone Web site—I can’t help but wonder the following:

First, despite the decent head on the beers in the video, I wonder how, or if, this system contradicts our idea of the perfect pour? Second, it’s practically a cardinal sin to allow the tap faucet to dip into the beer you’re pouring. While the magic of magnets is undeniably rad, I wonder how clean this type of faucet is after two quarters of game play? Do I have to hold onto my futuristic magnet cup all game, or are these things inexpensive and eco-friendly once they hit the trashcan? Lastly, I’m simply afraid the wonders of this system will suck me in and I’ll miss even more of the game.

All in all, I think this thing has promise. Apparently it was installed in Jacksonville Municipal Stadium last year, so Jags fans, speak up and give me your best consumer review.