It's not hard to spot a fearful flier when they’re making the sign of the cross right before takeoff. That or they'll ask about turbulence instead of what's for breakfast as soon as they step on board and I greet them in front of the cockpit door. Others will cling to the armrest for dear life and request a couple of vodkas to wash down the valium. Fearful fliers aren’t the only ones freaking out—frequent fliers can be ten times worse. So what do frequent fliers fear most?

Coach

Nothing stresses out a frequent flier more than the possibility of sitting in coach. I’ve seen grown men stomp their feet like children when their upgrades didn’t go through. Next time you fly check out all the sullen faces in the first few rows of coach. That’s where they’re sitting. Their names are next on the list. They’ve got their eye on the prize and nobody is cutting in front of them. My husband has actually flown a few hours out of his way to connect to another city just to ensure an upgrade on an international flight.

Middle Seats

By far the biggest fear for any flier, not just frequent fliers, is the dreaded middle seat. “Hey somebody has to sit there,” I told one passenger. “Not a frequent flier,” he replied. He had a point. Business travelers are the bread and butter for airlines. The problem is that there are so many frequent fliers, the airlines had to create another top-tier VIP level to separate the million-milers from the three-million milers. Might explain why one passenger brought along a few X-rays of his knee to prove why he could only sit in an aisle seat. Another passenger offered $100 to anyone in an aisle seat in front of him willing to switch.

Running Out of Overhead Bin Space

Boarding, for a frequent flier, is like a military operation. It’s all about preplanning and execution. In other words, getting the bag in a bin. They’re already in position to board before the agent even picks up the phone to make the announcement. They know where their seat is. They know their bag will fit. They walk onboard, make that sharp right down the aisle, and zero in an an empty space like a.....? Very rarely are they talking or holding a Starbucks cup. They’re on a mission. Nothing will come between a frequent flier and his bag space. Ask a frequent flier to check a bag and they might lose it in front of everyone. Time is money. A road warrior doesn’t do baggage claim.

Pasta

Frequent fliers know what’s on the menu. That’s because they were probably on the same flight yesterday (and know the crew by name). So when it comes to choosing a seat that will guarantee them the meal of their choice, they know the drill. That said, nothing says first-class travel quite like chicken. Or maybe steak. I’ve seen passengers mentally break down after I informed them all that’s left to eat is penne pasta in a cream sauce. One guy wadded up his business-class menu and chucked it at the seat in front of him. I always make sure to point out it’s the best choice for a relaxing flight, since all those carbs and heavy cheese will put you to sleep faster than an Ambien. Sleep, however, is the last thing on a frequent flier’s mind. Or maybe they just know a good carbonara should be held together with the freshest of eggs, not, my God, cream!

No Wi-Fi

Frequent fliers are business travelers. They’ve got work to do from the moment the captain says it’s safe to use electronic devices until it’s time to put away and stow everything for landing. They don’t have time to sit through an elaborate meal service. It’s why airlines provide a dine-upon-request option just for them. And why they’re eager to get rid of their meal tray as soon they take that last bite. God forbid they have to wait a few seconds for a flight attendant to finish serving the last row of passengers. It’s so bad that one passenger’s boss demanded he standby for a later departure after being informed that our flight from San Francisco to New York didn’t have Wi-Fi.

Other Passengers

The inability of his fellow man to properly negotiate a public space will make a frequent flier insane. Take for instance passengers who stroll through the terminal as if they have no place to be, passengers who stop without warning to read a sign, passengers who stand on the walking conveyer belt as if it were a ride in the kiddie section of an amusement park, passengers who, dare I say it, are on vacation. Because a frequent flier doesn’t even know what that means anymore. Vacation? They haven’t taken one in God knows how long. He’s been on the road for days. Weeks! That’s why he’s eager to move past you. He needs to check the upgrade list, get the bag in the bin, and fly home before he has to do it all over again.