I rock and now I'm trying to share some of my rockage with you. I'm generous that way!

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Tuesday

Do you remember Lawrence Phillips? He was once the star of the Nebraska football team and possible had a shot at some real fame, but do to mental and behavior problems was bounced around teams and jail cells all around the world. I can't say he played for all these teams, but he was on their roster at one time: St. Louis, Miami, San Francisco, an NFL Europe team, and two Canadian teams. Well he has been arrested again and has set a new running back record of having more career arrest then NFL touchdowns. Lawrence was playing a pick up football game with some teenagers, the only people who will with his crazy ass, when he decided to get in his stolen escalade and run over three of the teenagers. Yes, the once mighty cornhusker couldn't take being schooled by people who don't shave yet. Phillips had a warrant out for choking his girlfriend till she was unconscious had now has dreams of joining a new league in the Las Angeles County prison system. It's not known if he will make the cheerleading squad or what "position" he will be trying out for.

Wives around the world prove they are exactly the same. When Om Saleh of Jordan was watching a beauty contest he made a remark, something like "Nice tits!" or "Check out the ass on that bitch!", his wife went insane and bit of his ear. Literally, she bit of his ear and then told her sons to take the ear on their father to the vet because he was a pig and get it sewn back on. That's just cold, what are husband not allowed to appreciate the finer things in life?

After many late nights and favors called in, R. Kelly's manager was able to book him on the MTV Video awards. How could R Kelly miss playing in front of millions of young pre-pubescent girls? I'm sure the star was starting to really jones for that teenage lovin'. "Sure, some know about my past. All it takes is one though, baby!" said R. Kelly

Teri Hatcher is so busy working on Desperate Housewives that she has considered hiring a gigolo because she doesn't have time for romance. I would like to offer my services as a man-whore to Ms. Hatcher. Man-whoring can be a difficult job, but I'll let you handle it.

Tuesday, July 12, 2005 in the "sometimes..." post I ranted about the stupidity of a coworker who thought they had a computer problem. When in fact it was a cricket making the noise. Some people questioned the stupidity of the woman, today I give an update. Today this person goes off to get her head examined. Literally, she is going in for a cat scan. When the other tech in the office heard about this he came into my office where we joked about the Doctor not finding anything, then he suddenly said "Maybe they'll find that cricket in her head." Upon uttering these words a light suddenly enveloped the room as an idea burst fort. We would replace her default sounds with sounds of crickets chirping. The brilliance, sure most user would no how to change this, but I'm willing to bet she won't. She obviously has mental problems after all and I'm sure her doctor would agree. If she does happen to figure out how to change this, who cares? However, if this slight breeze is able to push her off the crazy cliff, then it's all the better.