True Story: Only in the south would a lady in her 50s explain going #2 to me.

So I am standing in line at the pharmacy counter for a prescription at Rite Aid the other day. G Monkey is running around the store with a 4 pack of toilet paper yelling, “I love toilet paper” over and over. The pharmacist assistant is trying to check out someone in front of me while trying to suppress her laughter at G Monkey.

What??? She’s never seen a kid that loves toilet paper before. At least he doesn’t loves snakes or faberge eggs. Saves me a lot of head ache that it is just soft paper he loves.

It looks like it’s going to be another 10 minutes or so before my scrip is ready. I decided I could go to the restroom and reign G Monkey in to go too.

I turn the door knob to find it locked. This is something the Monkey can’t understand.

G Monkey: (Very loudly) It’s Lock -aah – ocked Mommy.

Me: Yes, that means someone is in there. We have to wait our turn. Go play with the toilet paper some more. I’ll call you when it is our turn.

G Monkey: Ok.

He grabs the toilet paper and runs off.

The bathroom door opens and a middle age, woman, reminiscent of Paula Dean, comes out of the bathroom. She grabs her grocery cart and stands in front of me as her scrip is ready and mine isn’t. About that time G Monkey runs up and grabs my hand and says, “Mommy, let’s go to the bathroom now”.

Paula Dean turns around.

PD: Oh, I am so sorry Honey. I am so sorry. I had to go. Normally I would wait until I got home, but it was bad, and I had to go.

Me: Umm, oh, that’s okay. I understand.

PD: Well, there wasn’t any spray either. I’m so sorry.

My thoughts: Awesome. Thanks lady. I don’t even have a good smeller, but now with the powerful power of suggestion, even if I don’t smell it I am going to feel nose raped by this lady’s business.

G Monkey is tugging on my arm.

G Monkey: Mommy, Mommy, let’s go to the potty.

I look at him and look at this lady. What would you do?

If I tell him no, we can’t go now, she will know I am scared. And, what if he really needs to go? If I go in there I may die, or worse, G Monkey may yell out, “Mommy it stinks like poopy in here”. Everyone in the store already knows he loves toilet paper.

Ya’ll know this is a serious dilemma. At Rite Aid, there is only the 1 bathroom by the pharmacy with the 1 stall.

In the end, I looked at the lady, she looked sheepishly back at me, and we went in.

True Story: In most cases I really believe it is better to ask forgiveness than permission. I wish this lady felt that way.

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I’m rolling!!! but can totally relate! One day I was in Walmart, i know fear the Jasper Walmart! And a girl I went to high school with was checking out. As we were talking I noticed her smallest baby who was still taking a bottle I would presume has opened from a douche box a douche ( I am not an expert in this department, I still think it’s funny to see that on a shelf and preparation H still makes me laugh). The baby is trying to drink this thing like a bottle. Thank God it had a lid on the top that had to be pulled off. I was mortified on her behalf. I mean your day has to go up from there right? Then I imagined I was her, what the hell would you do? I mean you can’t really say oh excuse me while I get that out of my babies mouth! Good times…