Archive for the ‘Favorites’ Category

Girl #1: …so, my professor started talking about The Diary of Anne Frank.
Girl #2: Oh, Anne Frank! I used to love her! I had the diary, the notebooks and the pencils and everything.
Queer: What?
Girl #1: I think she means Lisa Frank.
–27th & 7th

Bus driver: Next stop: 60th Street, transfer to the four, five, six or the N/R. Sixtieth Street and Bloomingdales, next stop… Hi, everyone — I’d like to take this red light to thank you for joining us on this, the one hundred and fifteenth run of the M103 bus. Now, I know some of you have had bad days at school, work, church, et cetera, but please don’t bring that home to your loved ones. Leave all your stress on the bus, and I’ll toss it into the East River for you when we pass it. [Applause.]Middle-aged woman: Well, that was nice of him!

Toddler: Mommy, this bathroom is dirtyyy! Mommy? What’s the cleanest place in the world?Mother: I don’t know, that’s a good question.Toddler: Well, I know that the dirtiest place ever, ever, ever, ever, ever is Chick-Fil-A.

Broker: This is not a pet-friendly property.Girl: Does it matter if my cat is toilet-trained?Broker: I don’t understand.Girl: My cat doesn’t have a litter box. It uses the toilet. Does that help?Broker: I am not sure if that makes a difference. How did you do it?Girl: I used a training kit. CitiKitty.Broker: It might impress the owner, but I am not sure it makes a difference. Does your cat flush?Girl: It will if that helps me get the apartment.