Judge John Hodgman on a Wannabe Astronaut

By Judge John Hodgman

April 4, 2018

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CreditCreditIllustration by Kyle Hilton

James writes:I have wanted to travel to space my whole life. But whenever my wife and I talk about it, she gets upset. I point out that she could come with me, but she doesn’t want to leave her family behind. I told her my dream when we first started dating, so it shouldn’t surprise her.

If you’re not currently an astronaut or a billionaire, you aren’t going to space. Unless you’ve been lying to your wife about these things, she knows this. Thus the court orders her to allow your flights of fancy RE: fancy flights. But I also order you, James, to A. work harder to show your wife that you love her more than the empty void, and B. stop hiding in the trunks of Teslas. That spaceship has sailed. (The court has since learned that James works the night shift in a crematory. All the more reason to let your boy dream.)

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