Ah, Guy Mann Dude. You know this shit really writes itself sometimes….Do I really need to even make any further comments or even review this thing, seriously? Does anyone care? Did I mention his name is Guy fucking Mann Dude! Did you read the title of this review!? Well clearly, so I shall cease my ramblings and actually get down to the real meat and gristle…

For anyone who is vaguely familiar with the name *snigger* Guy Mann Dude, then it’s probably because you either saw the Wes Craven flick Shocker or possibly own its soundtrack. Mann Dude *chuckle* contributed lead guitar to some tracks that featured other famous rockers of the time (such as Paul Stanley, Saraya, Dangerous Toys and Tommy Lee to name a few). They went under the pseudonym of “The Dudes Of Wrath”. The film sucked, the soundtrack was cool and it’s the very thing that introduced me to…….wait for it…….Guy Mann Dude *snort*. Who in the holy hell thought that was a good stage name? Was it that he was worried that people may not think he was a true red-blooded male of the human species, so he made doubly sure? No, fuck that – triply sure! Anyway GMD cut his teeth with Michael Angelo Batio’s band before magically getting a contract with MCA records and thus unleashed his own brand of instrumentalist mayhem.

Now, I love me some guitar wank. Especially the 1980s flash-in-the-pan, maple wood neck jerk kind, but frankly, this sucks balls. Guy Mann Dudes simplistic form of guitar wank isn’t even in tune half the time and the ears of most six-string superfreaks will instantly pick out all the bum notes the “guy” hits. I wanted to like this, I should’ve liked this, but fuck-a-doodle-do! Dare I even say this…..he makes Richie Sambora sound decent! …And look at the song titles – they’re fuckin’ embarrassing – they’re too damn cheesy for me! Listen for yourselves if you dare and be left indifferent by: “Riff Rock N’ Rebel”, “Clusterphuck”, “Legend Of Loch Ness” “(Beware) The Stalker” and the imaginative “Guitar Solo”! Most of these compositions really could’ve benefitted from a vocal over the top, just to make things at least interesting.

Then GMD serves up a cover song, which is the Rolling Stones classic “Paint It Black”. GMD’s version of “Paint It Black” sounds at first like someone farting into a trumpet, then eventually resembles the tune of the original albeit with the same monotonous arpeggios that a 3 year old could play. Granted the guy does have chops, but nothing mind-blowing and I suppose he would’ve impressed me had it not been for the existence of such axe gods as; Van Halen, George Lynch, Yngwie Malmsteen, Paul Gilbert, ah the list goes on. You get the idea anyway…

I’ve heard many people who’ve stumbled across this mediocre album, have ended up using it as a coaster (I bought my copy on vinyl for £2) and I can see why. The scary thing is that Guy Mann Dude made two more albums after this one! Arrgghh! Stay away…..

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Freaks

This Rock 'N' Roll Clown...

Yes, welcome to my world where the sound of machine-gun guitars, glass-shattering vocal chords and lyrics about; how dark the night is, how the fire burns and how you've got to fight for the rock, takes precedence over eating and generally staying alive!