Thursday, April 1, 2010

I am 26

My phone rang very early this AM. My family not being in the same time zone occasionally causes early calls. It was my brother wishing me a happy birthday and calling to check in on me.

After that, my room was silent and I started thinking about my family. I miss them on days like today. Birthdays were something that my mom always did right. While we, technically, weren't supposed to spend too much energy or emotion in observing them (it could detract your focus from Jesus), my mom would always say that there was no better way to celebrate a Creator than celebrating His creations. She and my father would have these huge arguments around our birthdays and it was really the only thing I ever saw her argue with him about - she wasn't submissive on this issue. I didn't really understand why, of all the things she could've debated him on, it was our birtdays that really made her step outside of that submissive veil. I think I'm beginning to get it.

I think it was the one area where she felt like she had some authority. It was she that had gone through the nine months of pregnancy (or less/more). She suffered the depression and the births and the recoveries. She breastfed us and cared for us almost exclusively. She watched us hit all of those milestones and birthdays and they were probably just as much her celebrations as ours.

I haven't spoke to my mom in weeks and if she's reading this, as I suspect she is, I want to say this to her.MOM, I LOVE YOU! I MISS YOU. Even if you can't wrap your head around it right now, I'm doing all of this for all of us. Thank you for giving me life and thank you for the cupcakes. I'll try to find one today and I'll think of you while I eat it. I love you. - Ruth

Ruth's mom, thanks for giving birth to Ruth. She is a blessing to all of us who read this blog. Thanks for caring for her and loving her enough to break out of that shell and celebrate birthdays with her and your other children. You sound like a wonderful mom!

Happy birthday Ruth! It is always difficult and sad to be away from the family on your birthdays. I remember feeling so lonely the first birthday I spent away from home. And to Ruth's mother: you have a wonderful and brave and talented daughter! You should be so proud of her!

Happy Birthday Ruth! Today is my Mom's birthday as well.(I know it is not really that strange as many people have the same birthday). But I just wanted to send you (((HUGS))) on the anniversary of your birth- I think April's Fools babies are EXTRA special (but I am bias).

We share a birthday! Happy Birthday to us. Keep blogging and put the tip jar back up. On Freejinger someone said they believed you until you mentioned your birthday was today. Does that mean that every April 1st birthday is fake?

Happy Birthday, Ruth :) My mom also made a huge deal of our birthdays (well, as huge as she could) and it's always sort of stuck with me that it's MY day, and I try to pass that special feeling on to my own children.

I hope your mom reads your message and understands the love you have.

26 was the year I met the man I would marry. May yours be doubly blessed!

Just a question to those of the posters who were in and are now out of ATI, was it a common practice to NOT celebrate a kids birthday? I watch the Duggar's show and they DO celebrate at least their younger kids B-days, I know because I have seen the episodes or was it just different from family to family.

One of Gothard's early lectures was about keeping the family focus on Jesus. He suggested a number of ways to do this, including limiting or eliminating birthday celebrations. Later, he backpedaled on eliminating them because it contradicted the pro-life idea that every child was a gift and so should be celebrated. For years after that first lecture, he preached that birthdays should provide a day to recommit and refocus on the Lord. Gifts should be given to help someone fulfill their "purpose".

Interesting how it's always, "What Bill Gothard says on this or that matter?", NOT "what does Jesus Christ say on this matter"? Seems that the latter would be important considering that all of these cults are using mainstream Christianity as their "front". The "all children are gifts" mantra sickens me considering how children are actually treated in this system/model. And it is just that; it is a Bill Gothard system/model of doing things that was invented by him, not God or Christ.

Ruth, wishing you a happy belated birthday. The best gift that you gave yourself is the gift of freedom. You gave it to youself when you made a conscious decision that you deserve better, that your life means more than to become someone else's slave and be under their dominion and thumb. I realize that the decision you made leaves a bitter sweet taste in your mouth at times, but know that you made the right one. That one decision that you made when you ran for your freedom changed the whole direction of where your life was headed should you have remained under the "umbrella of authority" (code words for "full of crap") of your dad. Enjoy the gift of freedom that you were born with and don't let anyone take that away from you. I hope that you find a delicious cupcake along the way! :)

I am reading your blog from the beginning to end and not skpping any. Oh dear, I can't type for tears right now b/c I DO understand ...and I understand your mothers pain. I hope she read your note to her and smiled happy tears.

About Me

Welcome to my blog! My name is Ruth. I mostly blog about my life and my experiences as an Ex-Quiverfull, patriarch-raised daughter. My story is my story. Other patriarchal families may have suceeded where my family failed. I blog as part of my therapy and to share my experiences. Have a wonderful day!