What would you do?

I know of a situation in which the man called off the wedding (and good for him; the person he was going to marry is nuts. Much better to stop a wedding than get a divorce……). In that situation, do you think the woman should give back the e-ring? I personally would not want a ring from someone who didn’t want to marry me. Caselaw varies from state to state, it appears, but I would give the ring back. What would you do? FWIW, I am not sure yet what will happen in this situation.

Where I’m from the ring is a gift in the anticipation if marriage so it is rightfully the property of the giver until the commitment of marriage has been completed. After we marry I can do whatever I want with it. If we broke up I wouldn’t want the ring unless I was keeping it for collateral reasons, or if the ring/stones belonged to my family.

Considering he called off the wedding and she is nuts I highly doubt he will get the ring back. I kind of see it as a gift and if the gift giver changes his mind the gift reciever isn’t really obligated to give it back, although I know that some laws state the contrary. Now if the couple mutually agrees to a different scenario then more power to them!

I was previously engaged, we had called off the wedding but it was a disaster and never was going to happen anyway. My ex-FI actually broke into my locked room (we were sharing a two bedroom and I was in the process of moving out) and went through my belongings and took back the ring. I was pissed about it considering the “theft” involved but I didn’t want the ring really so I just let it go and moved on with my life. Years later I found all the documentation including the certification, appraisal, payment information etc that he would have needed for that ring. Sucker!

I don’t know about caselaw but in practice I think the accepted wisdom is that if she calls off the wedding, she gives it back, but if he calls it off, she keeps it. Engagement rings basically came about as an insurance policy against brides-to-be being dumped before the wedding, back when a broken engagement made you unmarriageable thereafter. If my fiance broke it off before the wedding I would definitely keep the ring.

Mrs.Sawyertobe: OK…so this might sound strange, but I think it would honestly depend on the situation.

Did he break up with me because of something I did? Is he breaking up with me because it’s just not working out for either of us? Then yes, I’d give the ring back, no questions asked.

Did he cheat on me? Did he lie to me? Is he leaving me for another woman, even though I have been a good FI to the best of my knowledge/being? Then, I might keep the ring. Not because I want the ring itself– and not because I think I am going to get a ton of money for it— I know I wouldn’t. But if the man did something to hurt me, I think keeping the ring might give me a little nudge of self-satisfaction/pawn money for retail therapy.

After my ex-FI told told me he was already married, two months before our wedding date, I mailed the ring back to him along with his mother’s china. Not sure if any of it made it back to him or in what condition — frankly I don’t care.

I looked into this a while ago out of curiosity. As far as I can tell here in the UK if the man breaks off the engagement you are entitled to keep the ring. If the engagement however is called off by the woman or by something the woman did wrong (cheating, fraud, domestic abuse whatever !!) then the ring legally should be given back to the guy. If the guy gets cold feet and calls it off and you haven’t done anything wrong or he cheats on you and you break it off you get to keep the ring as payment.

I think it depends on a lot of factors. If he paid for the ring himself I feel like he owns the ring, she’s just wearing it, therefore it belongs to him. If she paid for 50% or more then I feel like she owns 100% since he “gifted” her with the money to buy the other >50% (questionable I know but it seems more reasonable that she should keep it). If she paid for part of it >50% then I feel like he owns it since he paid for most of it and she needs to cut her losses since she “gifted” him with the other >50% he needed to buy it in the first place.

MrsEME: I side with you. See my post above. If things are amicable and he didn’t do the dirty or break your heart you might be inclined to give it back. If he did then I think legally you get to keep it… and then cash it in and go shopping!!!

MrsTywinLannister: If he paid for it but gave it to her as part of an engagement it is considered a gift and part of a contract by law. At least that’s how it’d work for us. If he breaks the contract to get married, he can’t take back the gift despite he paid for it. Man this is depressing me this subject