Contact

If you’d like to contact me, first you must summon a grey dragon. The wingspan, age, and homeworld don’t matter. In fact, you can summon any creature that is (a) gigantic, (b) has spikes, scales, or any combination thereof, (c) has a long tail, (d) instills fear in the hearts of the bravest warriors, and (e) most importantly, is grey.

When it arrives, drop your weapon (trust me, you won’t need it) and dance around it three times. At the end of the dance, bow to show respect. Then hold up one ancient compass and face north. Call out my name. If you’ve performed the summoning ritual correctly, the creature will rush off to fetch me.

If for some strange reason that doesn’t work, try one of the following alternative methods: