November 2006

Here in the morning of today, standing before the God of today, my heart begins to stir for an amputation of an expectation of a tomorrow. It is not promised, ya know. This morning, like a gauntlet thrown down at my feet, God challenges me to live in that truth... today.

My hearts begins to stir to live today with no tomorrow guaranteed. Standing at the cusp of a tomorrowless morning, I immediately start giving away all I have... outward & inward & even time itself. All that which I took as belonging to me, I start giving away, all I've got, right down to the dust that settled when I reached for & gave away long untouched possessions. Giving it all away to Christ here in God's presence means I've got nothing to lose anywhere & everywhere else.

In this tomorrowless today, I, like a recovering alcoholic, pour all of my surrendered will into the truth of my God-need, & reach up in a self-unconfidence that recognizes God alone as the only source for survival today - the kind of Life-thriving soul-survival that made a day in the life of Jesus look like it did both for him personally & for those around him.

With nothing but His will to prevail on me, & tomorrow having no sway, it becomes a knee-bending, verbally slurred, emotionally messy affair as I run rush-ready at God to lavish my affections on Him. Not so that He'll know I love Him. He already knows that. No, I run full speed at Him so that he can e-x-p-e-r-i-e-n-c-e my love for Him. Above all others & before all others, I want Him to h-a-v-e what He knows, to t-a-s-t-e of what He's been told concerning my God-love. From this person who craves this God-encounter, I draw near to give God this man encounter. Just as I now sense the weight of His glory & the weight of His pleasure, I want Him to sense the weight of my gratitude for it.

With no tomorrow to opiate me, when God speaks, I swear to & bend to tremble at His word. Because this way of & level of God-response has become rare among men, it has subsequently become a kind of delicacy to God. Rare & costly, aromatic, rich, & sweet, an incomparable rare delicacy to God. And today I wish Him to have His fill of it as I tremble at the words He speaks & promise to keep hold of its substance, carrying it through today the way a mother carries a newborn - laying down my life for its survival, & bringing all my resources cultivating its maturing.

With only the day after yesterday to dwell in, I move to make the most of my present God-addiction, going the whole way today. All or nothing today... Wherever He leads, whatever the cost. Today, whether in work or play or missional power-displays, I'm making withdrawals on His life & love like I'm working to run that God-supplied account empty. My faith running hard to catch up to my reckless abandonment to the will of God today... I pause briefly & wait for faith to be at my side. Because tomorrow is not promised, I speak to faith frankly about what today may entail. And with our partnership secured, we head in a strolls pace into come what may today. With nothing but the bread of His presence to feast on, & nothing but to love & abide as our only discipline & delight, we stroll out into this tomorrowless day - Come what may.

We can never be 100% accurate in how we interpret another's thoughts, words, or behavior in everyday life. Even if we're 99% sure, there's always a 1% chance we're wrong. Thus, we should consider adopting a more humble, tentative attitude about the accuracy of our mind reading and its resulting negative conclusions. We should ask ourselves if we might be being overly negative in our interpretation of our spouse's actions. We might have misunderstandings stemming from differences in their perspectives—and could that be the result of some negative trait we "see" in our spouse?

We need to substitute more reasonable responses for negative thoughts. Once we allow for the possibility that we could be wrong in our mind reading, it allows us to consider communicating as a team player instead of an adversary. One of the best ways to care for your marriage relationship is to guard it from becoming infected by negative thinking. As you adopt more humble and open attitudes about your mate's behaviors, check out the accuracy by asking, and keep track of positive behavior. This change can help you build a solid foundation of protection around your relationship. There's no such thing as no-fault marriage. "Love covers a multitude of sins" (1 Peter 4:8).

Do you find yourself finding fault in everything your spouse does?

Do you have the maturity to ask your spouse about their true motives? What if you were wrong? Do you have the maturity to apologize?

Great morning getting prepped for tomorrow's beach trip. Met with my staff intercessor. Told her about my Samuel & David last Tuesday. It, of course, came as no surprise to her, but it felt good to hear her confirm & share in the joy of possibilities. Told Neil Prem on Monday before he left for England that I am bound to the word of the Lord regarding his lead position at 24-7, but that even if I was not I wouldn't likely renege, because I felt a perfect symmetry between his missional desires & mine. Been carrying he & his family with me daily now. Feels natural & normal to do so. Almost second-nature. Like an already carved groove. Making some calls to get my passport ready for a possible trip to Spain when I return from the beach. I'm looking forward to the noise of the ocean against the backdrop & anti-sound of my vow of silence undertaken making way for the whispers of Lord to be uttered & clearly heard. Wonder how Primal's road trip is going.

Started the morning recklessly abandoning myself to God & presenting my needs & inquiries to this lover of my soul. This took longer than normal as I kept interdispersing throughout each repentance, request, & inquiry, a repetitive theme of worship & a constant reiteration that if I had all the answers & all provision, it would mean little toward my deepest desire, which is to walk with God & to do so in intimate communion. Would that I could know the secrets of His heart & evoke jealousy in Enoch & David with the quality of companionship I covet & hope to attain to with the one who calls himself God - His pleasure is becoming my strongest hope & pursuit. It is fueling my desire for thourough obedience & great fruitfulness as I walk in this mortal coil on this dirt planet which groans for the Son of God to come. As do I.

The Justice Project team & I spent the better part of the night knocking on doors & meeting the residence of Optimist Park to inform them of the 24-7 goodness movement that's about to explode in their marginalized community in a matter of weeks. With police escort at my side giving me backstory of the crime & gang issues, we walked & talked & invited & began the first stage of walking together in more ways than one. Though thoroughly engaging, my partner's chatter grew faint as my mind kept wandering back to a homeless guy I know. Have known him for months now. Should I, as Isaiah 58 suggests, take this homeless guy into my own home? Have been putting this question before the Lord for a few weeks now - awaiting His answer still.

They say the first 3 days of an absolute fast can be the hardest. Afterwords, the hunger pains cease. I find that it's not the physical challenges that's hard in those 1st days, but the mental stuff which begins as irritability & can work its way all the way over to "bite your head off" anger. I can see why the longer God-initiated fasts I read about in the Bible are almost always done in a wilderness or on a mountain with no one else around. Takes all my strength at the wheel to keep this thing on the right side of the road & thus avoiding any head on collisions today. Thou shalt not ram thy neighbor's bumper. Thou shalt not bite heads off. One good thing... it does drive one to one's knees. Jesus fasted 40 days in the wilderness... Moses too. That's awesome... Let's see them fast 40 days surrounded by regular work days, restaurants, red lights on every corner, & myriads of people all around.

At this point in the fast you have to be well acquainted with more than hunger. You have to be intimately acquainted with why you started down this road. "For the joy set before him, he was able to endure the cross..." I think "vision" is an enabling thing in the context of any form of abstinence. Headed out for a walk to let the cold air cool my hot-head, & also to pray for my friends & have a chat with Vision.

God give us power to be martyrs - living sacrifices - those who live to know you & do your will. No longer accepting a wretched compromise like that of of Ananias & Sapphira who professed to have given all but in truth held back parts for themselves - Death, that squelching out of life, is always the result.

James 1:4"But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting (lacking) nothing."

"What an adventure? I could be sitting in my easy chair, popping bon bons... or I could stay here & live this adventure. I think I'll stay... and stand.. & giggle along the way. It's been said that this is how coal becomes diamond. A part of me responds, "It's also how coal can become dust". and then I laugh. Dust or diamond, I'm in.

Stood in the stark warm sun at a pause in the center of my day & slid into a sway when with closed eyes I slipped into thoughts of The Holy One. Thought of some stray passage in Solomon's book about His hand being on the door. Thought of it & laughed.... & swayed. Said back in response, No... my hand is on Y-o-u-r door. Open up & let me in. In my head God & I enter a lover's contest to see who could get the door open the fastest. I win. Perhaps He let me win. Caught sight of Him clothed but unhidden. Swayed. Locked gaze. Swayed. Then danced wholly undignified around my living room until completely out of breath. Afterwards, stood out in the stark warm sun at the pause in the semi-center of my day... and slid back into that sway. Full tilt comes full circle. Outwardly the gentle sway. Inwardly, the mayhem-dance of a martyr mingling with The Master, The Maker, The Mover of mountains, The Mighty One. The soulful One whom I call my God.

Manifesto

Living & dying daily to know God intimately - And in radical obedience & kamikazi servanthood, to carry out His life's work. ________
Having all these words be more than just words as I soul-press, excuses-crucify, life-surrender & present my body to embody the message of my friend Jesus.