Five Lessons I’ve Learned as a Black Christian LGBT Ally

My name is Rev. Gerald Palmer and I am an ally. I knew of many black LGBT allies who served in the ministry but the cost of being an open ally was too much for them to handle so they chose to stay quiet. For me, not addressing the injustice directed towards my LGBT brothers and sisters was worse than the social cost of being an ally. I have been an ally since 2002 and along the way I have learned some lessons that I have been asked to share for quite some time.

Lesson One: You don’t have to say that you are straight.

Starting your statement supporting LGBT rights with, “I’m not gay but…” implies that there is something odd about a straight person supporting LGBT rights. Just remember Rev. Dr. Martin Luther’s quote, “injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere” and support social justice.

Lesson Two: White LGBT don’t know what to do with you.

There is a myth that the black Christian is the most homophobic group in America. This myth has been played out before our eyes via the media and folks like Dan Savage. The National Organization for Marriage (NOM) based their recruiting of African Americans on this myth and failed miserably. Of course NOM’s residue in black face (Rev. Bill Owens) is still barking, but like NOM he has no bite or relevance.

Because of this myth black Christian allies like myself are seen as an oddity even though are numbers are growing by leaps and bounds. There are many of us and yet the actions and words of the vile get the spotlight and the focus. Not only do they get the focus, they leave us with the bill. We are the ones who pay for their religious based homophobia. It is us who are met with the hostility and rage from those who have been hurt by those who are filled with hate.

I understand the rage and hostility, but that doesn’t mean that when it is aimed in my direction that it doesn’t sting a little.

Lesson Three. Black LGBT don’t know what to do with you.

I have encountered quite a few people in the black community who have no idea what an LGBT ally is. For some the word ally was code for bisexual. For others an ally was a person who was not be trusted. An ally was yet another person looking to gain something from a group that has lost so much.

It is not odd to have folks in the black community who support their LGBT loved ones. What is odd is having those like myself, who are vocal with their support. We are here and we support LGBT equality.

Lesson Four: Don’t hold anger for those that attack you.

Last week the name Michelle Shocked was added to the long list of those who use religious based homophobia against their fellow humans. What complicates matters the most is that she is a new member ot the Church of God In Christ denomination (COGIC). The COGIC has historically been one of the most homophobic black denominations and yet the most popular denomination for black lgbt Christians. The sad truth is that the COGIC has also given us DL Foster as well as G. Craige Lewis. Michelle Shocked has found a group of Christians as mixed up and confused as she is when it comes to religion and sexuality.

When I read Michelle’s comments as well as her difficulty accepting her own sexual orientation, I felt an immediate sense of déjà vu. We have been here before. Someone like Shocked makes an anti-gay statement and we turn them into villains while the Religious Right turns them into heroes. It is a dangerous cycle that feeds and breeds anger on both sides. It is anger that is directed toward individuals and not the systems that created the problem.

I have found healing once I pointed my anger towards religious based heterosexism/homophobia instead of the individuals.

Lesson Five:Loss and gain come with the territory.

I don’t know what it feels like to be LGBT in America. I do however know what it feels like to be an open and vocal LGBT ally. In my local Faith community I am viewed as a heretic and have been ostracized by former friends and even some family members. My own mother refused to allow me to use her property for an affirming church that I tried to start in 2009. Her fear was that she would lose clients because her property was used for a “gay” church. The church failed to get off the ground because Kansas City including black LGBT,are not ready for an affirming and welcoming black church founded by a straight guy.

With every loss that I have experienced, I have gained much more. Although the loss still stings and still continues, I am excited about the future. I have a loving and supportive immediate family an a loving new church home (where I am a member and not in a leadership position) who are okay with this heretic for social change.

About the Author

Rev. Gerald Palmer is the author of "The Church Has AIDS" and founding director of Word 4 The Soul Ministries, "an urban ministry created to win souls for Christ by breaking down the barriers of homophobia, poverty, blame, shame and pain."

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13 Comments

Thank you, Rev. Palmer, for all that you do. May God bless you as you continue this path that blesses so many!

mingeraldpalmerMarch 26, 2013 at 9:56 pm -

Thank you so much!!! Peace and blessings.

Ben in OaklandMarch 26, 2013 at 5:54 pm -

Thank you, Rev. Palmer.

DanielMarch 27, 2013 at 11:12 am -

Such a great article. Thank you for this and all your work.

JanaMarch 27, 2013 at 12:49 pm -

Blessings to you, Rev. Palmer! I am also a straight Christian ally and I have been told that I’m not a real Christian because of my support of the LGBT community.

ColleenMarch 29, 2013 at 9:15 pm -

Pastor, you sound like a cool dude and a great ally! Keep working, and I’ll be right there with you. I wish more people would take these lessons to heart!

Regan DuCasseMarch 30, 2013 at 2:23 pm -

Thanks so much, Rev. Palmer. As a black woman ally, I’ve had much of the same experience, and agree with your perspective. You’ve articulated it perfectly. As you are, I’m also VERY vocal, public, take no prisoners. I consider this issue an urgent one.
Most of all, I don’t want anyone to be discouraged from or deny opportunity for empathy and the shared goal of justice for all. No one group has ever suffered from being denied equal treatment. That’s for sure.

MosesApril 18, 2013 at 1:50 am -

Pastor, here in Africa, it is not uncommon to hear the phrase ‘true/real man’ being used in praise of men. Sometimes I dare say it is overused even! The goal no doubt is to assure the addressee that whatever they will have done is a reflection of their musculinity! Now, whether that is being sexist or not is better left to the ‘experts’! For now though Sir, I want to say that I saw a REAL man in you when I read your post just now. I am a straight ally too and it’s amazing to me every time I encounter another straight person who choses to speak words of love, words of kindness, words of mercy to another child of God at the great cost of losing the love of our own loved ones instead of taking the easy way out and joining the bandwagon of hate. My own lesson was the pain of being rejected by friends and mocked by strangers whose only claim to knowing you is seeing your face on TV! Three weeks ago, I was visited by another ‘warrior’ David Weiss, from Minnesota. He is the most honest white man I have seen in a very long time! But again, maybe that is best discussed outside of this forum. He blessed me with a copy of his new book, to a tune of a welcoming God. Great stuff. I would strongly recommend that you two link up. I have also been looking on the net for places where straight Christian allies write and share experiences but without much luck. Perhaps we could start something. Keep up the good work Sir. Blessings, Moses. mosesbertm(@)yahoo.com

thanks for sharing.Five Lessons I’ve Learned as a Black Christian LGBT Ally | Truth Wins Out gave me much help.

MikeJune 15, 2013 at 12:14 am -

My heart is so saddened to see the word of God being tossed away like trash. I’m pretty sure this comment will not be posted to your website but someone has to stand up for the word of God. My favorite scripture in the bible is found in Mathew. It states “for I am The Lord, and I change not”. Gods words have never changed. They never will. People can say how much times have changed, and how much thoughts and feelings toward certain subjects have changed. But the one thing that has not changed is The Lord’s word. I am not a homophobe. I’m not even a gay or lesbian basher. I treat everyone with love and respect because this is what the bible tells us to do. I try my best to operate within the fruits of the spirit. Joy, love, temperance, meekness, long-suffering, kindness, goodness, faith, etc. When it comes to winning souls to Christ and birthing people into the faith, there is no part that says HATE will get them to come to Christ. So we as Christians are not suppose to operate in hate. And when a REAL Christian comments on someone’s sexuality, and tries to show them that they are living in sin, it is not out of hate. They are not a homophobe. It is out of the fruits of the spirit. For I am The Lord and I change not. If It was a sin then, it is a sin now. I pray for every gay or lesbian person to stop listening to the false teachers. The bible says for the time will come when they won’t endure sound doctrine. And after their own lust and desires will heap upon themselves teachers having itching ears, and they shall turn away from the truth, and shall be turned to fables.2 Timothy 4:4. You false teachers shall surely have your place. The bible has warned over and over again about these false prophets and how they twist and turn the word of God. To my gay and lesbian people trying to overcome your sin, I ask you to simply read the bible. Just read it. Some of these so-called pastors cannot be trusted. King James Version is the best.

Richard RushJune 15, 2013 at 9:26 am -

You will pleased to know that don’t think “the word of God” should be “tossed away like trash.” Due to its impact on humanity for thousands of years, I do think it should be maintained as part of the historical record of humanity that vividly displays the ignorance and superstition of ancient people. I don’t fault ancient people for their ignorance and superstition – because that’s all they had to work with at the time. While humanity still has much more to learn, we now have much more knowledge than ancient people, and the Bible’s relevance today is as little more than another historic artifact.

Ben in OaklandJune 15, 2013 at 11:41 am -

Funny, the witch burners, the Jew haters, the heretic torutrers, the slave holders, the segregationists, the anti miscegenation ists— EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM– all claimed the word of god as the basis for what they did. Every one of them had their citations to prove that god agreed with them.

First question: we’e they right or wrong? yes or no.

Every one of them has been repudiated. Every one.

Second question: did the word of god change? Yes or no.

Third question. There are a myriad of sins in the OT and the NT. Do you say the same things to divorced people, divorced and remarried people, alcoholics, rich people, revilers like patty Robertson and Jerry Falwell, people who judge like Richard land and Albert Mohler? Yes or no.
Or do you just do your thing with gay people? Yes or no?

Here’s a hint. The word of god changes as often as is necessary. And when it doesn’t change, WE CHANGE, and for the better.

Usually.

Priya LynnJune 15, 2013 at 11:54 am -

Mike said “Gods words have never changed. They never will.”.

Nonsense. Christians make excuses all the time for why they don’t have to follow the word of god in the old testament(animal sacrifices, being unclean after the birht of a child, putting gays to death). The claim Jesus being sacrificed means the old law is no longer in effect so they don’t have to follow it.

I’ve read your stinking bible and its a disgusting piece of xenophobia and injustice.

You can call gayness a sin if you want to but its in no way a wrongdoing. It is moral to do whatever you want as long as you don’t harm others.

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