Fate is a Fickle Bitch

Keeping in line with the title of this post, I have decided how I will die. Also, how my roommates Paige and Tim will die.

Paige’s Death:

Now that she is finally done with school, she lands a job with her dream employer–Pixar. They need her to begin in a week, so she’s pretty busy packing and whatnot. Her friends decide to throw her a goodbye/celebratory dinner at an expensive Italian restaurant. Paige rides her brand new bike to the dinner and, at a busy intersection, is clobbered by a city bus. Her bike helmet does not save her.

Teri’s Death:

Though I am pretty distraught over Paige’s death, I manage to complete grad school and receive my MBA. I plan a vacation to Italy to reward myself. Tim and I have also finally finished our book and it has been well-received in the publishing world. It will hit bookstores in a year’s time. The night before my flight to Italy, Gerard Butler calls me and says a friend of a friend is my publisher, he has read my book, loves it, and wants to meet me. He’s filming in Rome and heard I was flying out–would I care to meet him for dinner? The next day my plane inexplicably dives into the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. Though the black box is recovered, they have no leads as to why the crash occured.

Tim’s Death:

Since I have died, Tim will receive 100% of the royalty payments for our soon-to-be-published book. The media blitz of my tragic and mysterious death is earning the book a lot of anticipation, and several hundred printings are already in the works. Tim’s first check arrives and it is exactly enough to pay off all of his student loan debt. Even though he quit a long time ago, he decides to smoke a cigarette in celebration of finally being debt-free. He flips on the lighter, which ignites the gas that has slowly filled the apartment over the last several weeks thanks to an undetected gas leak. A fireball engulfs the apartment, Tim, and the royalty check.