Posts Tagged ‘Colombian Adoption’

We know, as experienced and outstanding and humble parents, that we aren’t really expecting to hear “Thank you,” nor “You’re the best parents ever,” nor “You were right!” until we’re 85 and 86 years old.

But I must admit, this little note I found today (inside a cookbook???) made my eyes get moist just a wee bit. This card is probably three years old. Our little Colombian princess is such a sweet girl, everything we hoped for with dimples thrown in to make her daddy swoon.

That’s me in the red shirt, obviously, because I don’t have a pointy left ear. Not sure why the sides of my mouth go down at the end of the smile because I’m happy. Real happy.

Grab the tissue for the inside message. Gets me every time. The last sentence about a home is the one that wrenches my heart. She didn’t have a home… until God tugged at our hearts and we listened. Adoption rocks, people.

Almost four years ago, God spoke very plainly to me four times within a half hour through a Christian radio station. Now quit shaking your heads, you naysayers! Read on, and judge for yourselves.

We accepted an adoption referral for our little Colombian princess on a Friday night in November 2010. We assumed with Colombian courts closing from Dec. 15 – Jan. 15 we would be traveling to get our daughter in the new year. We discovered on Saturday that we could actually complete all the in-country paperwork IF we left for Cali, Colombia in FOUR days. That’s 96 hours, in case that seemed like plenty of time to you. We purchased our plane tickets on Sunday night for the following Wednesday, and then my Dad and I drove seven hours one-way to the Beverly Hills, California Colombian Consulate to obtain our visas.

Late Monday night as I was driving home to Arizona on Highway 10 with my Dad sleeping in the seat beside me, I tuned into a Christian radio station, attempting to get my racing mind off the 2,727 things I had to do in the following 36 hours. I had lots of questions for God. And I wanted answers. There were several loose ends that needed to be securely tied up before we took off on Wednesday morning. It was one of those moments when you are so completely at the end of your rope you plead, “O.K., God, time to show up. We have no other option than You working this out. Please, please, please answer a few questions for me….. NOW! I have been pretty patient for FOUR years… but right now, it’s game time.”

At that moment, feeling feeble and vulnerable before the God of the universe, I looked out the side windows and was surprised that I could see the cacti and sage brush on the sides of the highway in the middle of the night. Craning my neck to find the moon, it was indeed one of the brightest nights I had ever witnessed in my life. Then I recognized the lyrics to the song that was playing by The Afters.

Light light light up the sky
You light up the sky to show me You are with me
I I I can’t deny
No I can’t deny that You are right here with me
You’ve opened my eyes
So I can see You all around me

O.K., Good! was my first thought! I’ve got God’s attention for a nanosecond, I better not waste this opportunity!

Our funding for the adoption was only 2/3 accounted for……TWO days before departure. I sort of lamented to the Lord reminding Him that I had done ALL I knew to do for fundraising. I reminded Him (because He might have forgotten) that He funds what He favors. I had given it my ALL for four years and I had nothing left to give. (Like He didn’t know that either.) I also reminded Him that He promised to complete what He started. Then the song No Matter What by Kerrie Roberts started seeping through the speakers.

I’m running back to Your promises, one more time
Lord that’s all I can hold on to
I’ve got to say this has taken me by surprise
But nothing surprises You

Once again, O.K., Good! I was reassured that God was not surprised by this whirlwind trip to South America. So I brought up our main dilemma …. if we don’t have enough funds for our whole family to stay in Colombia for a month, should we leave the boys behind? Our boys were 12 and 14 at the time. They could have stayed with their Grandparents, but I really felt that this was a family bonding time for all of us. We had until midnight Monday to cancel the boys’ plane tickets. So I asked, “God, do we take the boys or not?” It was Tobymac’s turn to bring God’s answer to me in his song City on Our Knees.

Tonight couldn’t last forever
We are one choice from together
As family
We’re family
…
Tonight’s the night
For the sinners and the saints
Two worlds collide
In a glorious display
Cuz its all love tonight
When we step across the line
We can sail across the sea

At that point, the tears streamed down my face. Our choice was clearly to stay together as a family. So incredibly awesome! So God was going to show up BIG TIME …. tomorrow, because that was the last day. The 11th hour. It was time. I couldn’t wait to see how this played out!

Right after Tobymac helped us decide to take our boys to Colombia, Matthew West sang to my soul, just for some more reassurance about the whole adoption gig. Here is part of his song My Own Little World.

Father, break my heart for what breaks Yours
Give me open hands and open doors
Put Your light in my eyes and let me see
That my own little world is not about me

What if there’s a bigger picture?
What if I’m missing out?
What if there’s a greater purpose?
That I could be living right now

I don’t wanna miss what matters
I wanna be reaching out
Show me the greater purpose
So I can start living right now

The remainder of the drive home was filled with thankfulness, a grateful heart, humility that we are called to care for one of God’s chosen children, and supreme faith in the God of Abraham, Isaac and Nora. I was riding higher than a kite on a faith walk that shielded my heart from doubt. I knew God was going to show up tomorrow. I didn’t know how, or through whom, but I KNEW He would.

My little Colombian princess went to the movies last night with her Daddy. Bedtime was delayed almost two hours from the usual schedule! This little girl sleeps 10 1/2 to 11 hours EVERY NIGHT! It is God’s little gift to ME! But, as we have experienced, she doesn’t do well with LESS than 10 hours of sleep. Tiredness makes her moody and sassy. If there’s one thing this mama don’t want is more sass in the house. ‘Nough said.

This year is an adjustment to our whole household as son #2’s band class got moved to first hour at the local high school. Yes, we still homeschool, but homeschool marching band doesn’t exist so he goes to Wind Ensemble every blinkin’ morning at 7:45. Last year I had to wake up at 8:15 to get him to second hour band…. this year will be interesting, for sure.

More back story. Our little princess had a few previous issues with being left alone so we have made sure that she is NEVER by herself… ever. She is 11 years old and very responsible, but we wanted to make sure she always felt safe with us. This past summer is the first time I left her alone at the house while I took her brothers and their friends up to go swimming… two miles away. She rolled her chocolate eyes at me and assured me that she would be fine by herself with the dogs and chickens. She was. When I returned eight minutes later I asked her if she looked out the front window. “I did! Because I wanted to check if you were really going to leave me or not.” hahahaha.

Remember the slumbering princess this morning? Well, I decided to leave her having visions of sugarplums in her head instead of waking her up for the drive to school. This is the first time I have left her alone without telling her first. I put this note on the dirty bathroom mirror:

As I suspected, she didn’t even wake up until 8:55. But I forgot to take down the note. DOH! Thankfully I was talking on the phone and she knew I was there before she read the news of my abandoning her. Whew! Catastrophe averted.

One of my favorite book series is Anne of Green Gables. The summer we drove across Canada and camped on Prince Edward Island, Anne’s home, I read the series as we passed the Lake of Shining Waters and the White Way of Delight. Lucy MM’s writing is superb. The words that come out of Anne’s mouth are hysterical! She is so full of imagination and wonder at every little thing… and highly dramatic! So funny!

Several months ago, I started reading a shortened version of the book to Nora, our little adopted daughter. I wondered how it would affect her, hearing about Anne’s heartbreak at not having a family. The book glossed it over pretty well and got right into the daily events on Anne’s life at Green Gables. Yesterday, I found the movie online for Nora to watch. It is over two and a half hours long so it took three sittings to finish it all. Nora sat on the end of her chair the entire movie! It was priceless.

This tentative look on Anne’s face as she waits for Matthew at the train station…. it’s the same one I saw on Nora’s face the day we got her. “Will they like me?” “Am I okay?” “Will they keep me?” “Will I be safe?” “Everything changes today.” WOW!

The movie does not sugar coat the fact that no one wanted the red haired orphan in the beginning. Nora didn’t say much, other than looking at me with wondering eyes and asking, “They do keep her, right?” I watched most of the movie with her, but never looking through the eyes of an adopted child until yesterday. She must have related to so much of the story. It broke my heart when the two women in the very beginning call Anne “trash”… good heavens. I didn’t even remember that part.

I understood a bit more now about how Anne wanted to be called Cordelia, hoping for a different life than the one she had been given that lead her to the depths of despair. Marilla’s line was superb, “To despair is to turn your back on God.” So true!

We’ve had two nights of reassuring talks that Nora is ours forever. That God never left her without someone to take care of her. That we prayed for her for four years before she was part of our family. That God chose her for us and us for her. I don’t think we can ever say those words enough. Ever.

For the Colombian princess, English has been her second language for almost three years now. She has learned to read quite well now, but she SHINES in the creative spelling department. (ugh!) I have come to realize that in the Crosby household we must not speak very clearly. You’d think I would have better pronunciation as I’m on my third time through the entire Downton Abbey series! Here is a little glimpse into our English lessons today.

Nora reads a sentence and then checks the YES box or the NO box.

1. Can a tiny baby sleep in a playpen?NO is checked. I ask her to explain. “A tiny baby can’t sleep in the sand out in the open at the park by the swings!” she explains, horrified that I might think that is acceptable! Ah, playpen = playground. Situation rectified.

2. Can cattle fit in a cradle?YES is checked. I ask her to explain. “If the cradle is big enough and you have a small cattle, it could fit,” she justifies! I ask her to define cattle. “It’s the cage the dogs sleep in.” Ah, cattle = kennel. Situation rectified.

3. Are there animals in a stable?NO is checked. I ask her to explain. Rolling her eyes she points out the obvious for her mother, “How could an animal fit in a stable?” I ask her to define stable. “It’s when you hit that silver thing and stable the pages together.” Ah, so stable = staple.

4. Do you put a kettle on the stove?NO is checked. I ask her to explain. “There are big holes in the side of the kettle. Water wouldn’t stay in there and I think the plastic would melt,” she reasons. I ask her to define kettle. “Its the cage the dogs sleep in.” Wait, I thought that was cattle? So, cattle = kennel = kettle. This is making perfect sense.

And this was all within fifteen minutes! But that is not all.

5. Can a needle vanish in the tall grass?NO is checked. I ask her to explain. “If you hold onto the needle it won’t bannish!” (implied: DUH, Mom!) I underline the V in vanish and she corrects her pronunciation. I ask her to define vanish. “It’s when you bisappear.” Oh my stars.

We were a family of six, yet the sixth little wonder was 12 hours away from being in our arms! We landed late at night to the cool, dark skies of Cali, Colombia and met our “already” friend and our translator. What a blessed relief her welcome hug was to me that night when we got off our third airplane and stepped onto our daughter’s homeland soil.

We broke a few rules with our adoption. I presume the three year statute of limitations is up and I can freely discuss a few happenstances from our adoption journey that have remained semi-covert until now.

We weren’t supposed to have any contact with our interpreter until we got “in country”, but we needed questions answered ASAP. It was a Friday night when we accepted the referral and we were to fly out the following Wednesday, so the flights needed to be booked pronto. I also had 27 million questions. No one at the agency was available to answer our “last weekend” questions, so I called a gal across the country who had returned from Cali with her little angel a few months earlier. She put me in contact via facebook with the lady who would be our interpreter. She was a godsend, for sure! She helped us with flights. She booked our hotel/apartment for our first few days. She gave us a list of what to take/what not to take. And then her smiling face met us at the airport near midnight.

We weren’t supposed to go visit the village where Nora was born. We were told that this could cause bad memories or frighten the child. As far as we could tell from the gargantuan paperwork pile, Nora had not lived in that village since she was a baby. We had the name of the hospital and thanks to adoption blogs, I learned that we could take our final adoption papers to the hospital and ask for records. So we did. LaCumbre was an hour away up in the misty Andes Mountains. The hospital was clean and shiny and had an open air courtyard in the center of the building. Hanging plants and freshly painted blue trim did my heart good. We requested a copy of the record from the day Nora was born and were blessed beyond measure to get information about her birth mama (health history, height, weight, medical history, etc.) AND we discovered that Nora’s birth weight was incorrect on our paperwork! We also found out what time Nora was born and how long she was. I couldn’t be more grateful for those little tidbits of information that are worth their weight in GOLD to an adopted child.

We were supposed to stay in one of the adoption hotels recommended by the agency. We contacted three of them and the going rate for a family of six was $330 per night… and we were staying for three weeks. ($6930!) Now we are thrift-loving souls and frankly didn’t have that much to spend on accommodations/food. The night before we left, my husband found a vacation villa a few miles out of town in the country in a gated community with a pool and a line of shops to meet all of our needs…. for $1,000 for the three weeks! Thank you, God! There were four bedrooms, two full baths, air-conditioning, a washing machine and beautiful surroundings. We hired a wonderful woman to cook and clean for us every other day…. she also went shopping with me and picked lice out of our hair. She was a saint!

We weren’t supposed to have any contact with the foster family who took care of Nora. We were told they might try to take advantage of us and our situation in the USA. Unbeknownst to us, Nora came bearing a little heart-shaped notebook minus all the pages that used to be inside. I thought it a bit strange until she pulled out the back lining and revealed all the contact info for the foster family. We had Nora call them and say one last goodbye the night before we left for Bogota. We have since been in contact and they sent pictures of their home, Nora’s bed, the family, her friends, the school, the church and the neighborhood where she lived. Another blessing to an adopted child! We send them current pictures of Nora and have chatted with them online a few times. They are very thankful for this contact as she is the only child they have fostered who they have heard from.

Usually I stick to rules like a fly to flypaper, but sometimes there are very good reasons to break a few rules.

Yesterday we celebrated with much color and fanfare our Colombian princess’ third birthday with her forever family. Hard to believe she has been here 2 1/2 years already! It seems like last month we were enjoying the sights and sounds of her homeland and loving every minute of it!

Nora’s list this year was L O N G, as usual. But there were several items on there that gave me pause… like Healeys (those tennis shoes with wheels in the heels). They don’t even make those anymore. She’s so yesterday. She also told me that she wanted vases to paint like her big sister Larisa. I couldn’t figure out what vases Larisa had painted, but oh well. Later she saw a picture that Larisa had painted on a canvas and exclaimed, “See, mom. There is a vase that she painted.” The painting was of a girl…. no vase. I finally figured out she meant canvas.

Nora hears of activities that her friends do and then she wants to do them too. Currently she wants to play soccer, do dive, gymnastics, swimming lessons, dance and basketball. Our family “rule” is one activity per kid. She is in the throws of piano lessons, which I wouldn’t say she loves. She is learning how to play, albeit slowly. But all Crosbys take lessons for at least two years. I read somewhere that it helps with language development…. and if there’s one thing she needs is language development. All that to say, there was an auction supporting youth in arts and lo and behold, there was a basket with a beach towel, swim goggles, a kick board and swimming lessons. And we won! So our little fish will finally learn some strokes with names. She can swim quite well, but it’s all survival swimming and doggie paddling.

The other tidbit that made my heart glad was when she was naming the girls she wanted to come to her party. There were 21 on the list! She has 21 friends! That is HUGE! Thank God her birthday is in the summer and 16 of them couldn’t come. :o) For a social little butterfly like herself, friends are not only a gift from God, but a godsend for mamas like me who have little social butterflies! What a blessing!

Happy 10th birthday to our little latina beauty! What a gift from God she is to our family!

Every day I need to write down the hilarious sayings from my little Colombian princess. Here are a few from this week.

Me: (asking my dad) Do you know why the flags are at half mass?

Dad: No.

Nora: Maybe they’re broken.

*******

Nora: Mom, do you shrink when you are a grandma?

Me: Yes, you get a little bit shorter.

Nora: I’m going to be a mini grandma!

*******

We were all riding in the truck pacing for my son on his bicycle (who rides behind the truck to practice going faster with drafting.) We went down the same stretch of road twice and then Nora said, “We should let him go first this time!”

*******

Riding in the back seat of the truck with the windows down, Nora yells, “I can’t breathe. The air is in my face!”

*******

Nora: Mom, do you know how to dance like a princess?

Me: I don’t think so.

Nora: All you do is point your toes and make your arms go like this (slowly puts her arms out)…. but you also need a prince.

********

A really loud motorcycle went by our car and Nora put her hand to her chest and lamented, “I think that broke my heart!”

********

Nora helped me make a salad from a bag kit. She mixed it all up and then asked me, “Do you want me to put on the drussian?” (I think that might be Russian dressing???)

********

Nora caught a whiff of her sweaty brothers after street hockey and said to her sister, “Boys stink!” Larisa said, “Girls stink too.” To which she flabbergastedly replied, “REALLY? I did not know that!”

********

Her bedtime prayers make me want to giggle. She tells God that she hopes he has a good day. She thanks him for the food and then explains to him that she knows it’s not time to eat but she is thankful we have food. She often says, “Thank you God for me.” I love it!

Quietness and darkness have enveloped our home. Only because it’s 4:35 a.m. Our house is rarely quiet, rarely dark and rarely active at this time of the morning. It has been one week since my car accident that has driven me to sleep on the couch (I couldn’t even THINK of climbing stairs for the first four days home). And as much as I love sleeping with my husband, I love sleeping …. without fearing that he will kick my battered legs, bump my aching arms, yank the sheets against my seatbelt bruises on my neck or snore and make me crabby. I’m starting to understand why my grandparents had separate rooms. (Don’t worry, Honey, I’ll come back upstairs eventually.) Aching arms woke me up in these wee hours… and it’s not time for the wonder drugs yet. The fact that I can wait it out gives me hope that I’m not completely addicted to pain killers. Even in weariness, I have some level of self control.

My six year old habitual pastime of reading adoption blogs is still a passion of my soul. It always will be. Reading about a young couple tonight faced with infertility who have chosen a child in Ethiopia makes my adoptive mama heart beat with glee. Another baby will have a mama. Another daddy will cry tears of joy. Another child will be placed by God and the nightmares might just fade a wee bit, making life a better place. A safer place.

As an adoptive mama, I have had the normal adoptive mama fears that I am the worst adoptive mama on the planet. I have cut off the Colombian princess from sugar at times, even sending her to bed with no cake! Imagine!!! I have sent her to her room when I couldn’t think of answering one more question about heaven. I have not taken her to Disneyland. I won’t buy her cute clothes just because they are cute, when her stuffed closet has more than enough. I am sure I have been caught on surveillance tapes more than a dozen times in the Walmart parking lot saying, “We are not here to buy anything for you today.” And I’ve wondered if she was in a different home, would she be granted more stuff and have more privileges. I have expressed this self-doubt to other mamas and one in particular has told me again and again, “You are the perfect mama God chose for your girl. She is in the right home. You are the right mama. You are loving her just the way she needs to be loved.” And it does my heart good for about three minutes and then the doubts return.

The before mentioned car accident was actually a glimpse into my “good adoptive mama” side that I needed to see. The crash happened in the blink of an eye. The air bags exploded. Stinky smoke filled the van. And all I could think to do was jump out of my door which only opened half way to get to my nine-year-old baby in the seat behind me. We hugged each other and balled our eyes out together. She was not hurt. I quickly realized that my legs were not fine and I was needing to sit back down. Yes, the metal hitting metal sounds were ghastly and hurt our ears, but I believe what scared her the most was hearing me cry for the first time. The ugly cry with snorts and uncontrollable guttural sounds. She kept reaching up and touching my shoulders in the front seat. Through the tears and pain, we bonded at a deeper level.

On my girl scout sash of life, I feel like I earned my “Unconditional Adoptive Mama Love” badge. And my bruised body is a mere side effect of the stamp of approval on my heart.

Yesterday we went shopping at Goodwill because it was 50% off day! Whooo Hoooo! I mean, really. If you’re going to buy other people’s junk, you might as well go on the day when it is half off. No, we didn’t pre-shop the sale on Friday night. We didn’t even line up at 8:30 a.m. We have relaxed a bit. We waited until the LONG lines of the morning rush had slightly diminished before we hit the store for the goods.

As I was perusing the women’s clothing for Lands End, Anne Taylor and Coldwater Creek labels, Rick and Nora, the nine-year-old Colombian princess, were in the toy aisle. Nora spotted a paper doll set that had a gazillion outfits for the three dollies and a Nancy Drew video game, both to die for. EAch was marked $2, so they would be only one dollar! Knowing that Daddy would probably make her pay for them with her own hard-earned money, she decided to work him. “Daddy, if I pay for one will you pay for the other?” And I’m sure she batted her long eyelashes and flashed her dimples at the weak man. Of course he agreed, so she dug four quarters out of her wallet and handed them over to him, quite pleased with her negotiating skills.

We reconnoitered at the check-out and made it painlessly through the line. On the way to the car, Nora confronted her father, “Dad, I gave you the money for my doll set but you did not use the quarters to pay for it. My quarters are still in your pocket.” This is called hyper-vigilant, which means that she is VERY aware of ALL that is going on around her at ALL times. From what I’ve read, it is common with adoptive children. Patiently Rick explained that he had her quarters but he paid with bills from his wallet. She responded, “I know…… can I please have my money back?” Oh did we howl. We tried to explain it over and over but there was no comprendo on her part AT ALL. She still thinks daddy pulled one over on her!

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What’s the Deal with the Jar?

Welcome to My Sister's Jar. The story behind the blog lies in the original post on Feb. 2, 2008. Type "giddy moments" into the search box to find it.

I'm a homeschool mom who loves to speak and write, encouraging moms to press-on in motherhood. Two of my books are available NOW! Laughing in the Midst of Mothering and Laughing in the Midst of Marriage. See them at www.LindaCrosby.com or www.cbd.com.

I have four children, one of whom is adopted from Colombia, so there are LOTS of adoption tidbits here.
~~~~~~ Linda Ann Crosby