Artsy Photo: Click for full size. This image represents sauerkraut gleefully tossed at a bar mitzvah

Molecules, particles, atoms and elements, they all describe tiny pieces of matter strewn across space by supernovae splatter.

Specific, generic, the definitions need not be esoteric. It’s time to simplify and shatter all the confusing extraneous chatter.

Artsy Photo: Click for full size. This image represents a robot speaking to Jerry Rice and his two pocket watches.

Pardon the particle, it’s a vague description, a foggy term, a word that will squirm, an unpleasant vocabulary malediction.

It may be a speck of dust, grain of sand, or atom or molecule in the hand. This word it causes friction, when possible avoid the obscure affliction.

An atom’s one indivisible piece of an element. It’s the tiniest piece of gold in that ring. It can’t be made smaller not by anything.

It can’t be broke, or split, or rent, any smaller and it’s a different element, oodles of atoms together in a string make up the luster about which we sing.

Two or more atoms together bound, either all one kind or multiple elements to be found in a molecule whether it sticks out straight or winds round and round.

The bubbles in soda are built by carbon dioxide molecules, one carbon bound to two oxygen, only in that ratio, those are the rules. So when that beverage cap’s unwound thank the molecules for the fizzing sound.

Artsy Photo: Click for full size. This image represents Kermit the Gorf

Nothing’s sweeter than a long, hard horizontal drilling along mother earth’s stone cold grooves. With penetration, we can squirt a high pressure jet into mother earth’s honey pot making her quiver and rumble, wearing down and weakening her stony restraint until, in exhaustion, she finally cracks and expels her yummy, gooey, natural resource froth. We need that ecstasy inducing exudate impregnating the groundwater. Let’s shower in that shimmering slickwater. Why not wash our loincloths in that bubbling seepage. It’s time we boil our noodles with it, and drink it in our coffee, and tea. Let’s add that sluice to our juice from concentrate. If our faucets aren’t erupting with hot, ignitable fracking passion, we haven’t fracked hard or long enough. It must be done. We humans have needs. After a long day at work, is it so much to ask that we enjoy the soothing benefits of a thorough fracking? Dikes frack all the time. Why shouldn’t we.

Artsy Photo: Click for full size. This image represents the cruel conflict between the flavors of raspberry and blueberry.

We’ll frack all along that dirt track until we get a nice eruption of natural gas. Let’s Frack in Hollywood, Yellowstone, and along both the shining Pacific and Atlantic oceans. All along the roaring Mississippi, let’s frack. In the crack of the grand canyon and on Montana’s fossil bed, we can frack all day and all night long. Let’s get sticky in the heat of Louisiana’s steamy swamps and heat the cold frost of northern Minnesota’s nearly endless winter with rough, relentless fracking. We can frack in the cloak of London’s fog, and in the haunting dryness of the Australian outback. We’ll frack against China’s great wall, and in Italy we’ll frack framed by the frescos of the sistine chapel. No place is too sacred. Let the Frack fest begin!

This images represents able bodied pigeons and a carton of spiny soda water.

Fracking is thirsty work, so let’s gather up all the drinking water and frack the world. If you don’t want to frack, I don’t want to hear about it. You’ll just have to either shut the frack up, or frack off .

Artsy photo: Click for full size. This image represents the final day of John Candy’s cat Missy. She won her final battle against the forces of Malfotron and their prickly pear pie onslaught, but succumbed to a heart attack moments after. Taken with 60mm

Setting up institutions, and drawing up blueprints and contracts to save the world requires a lot of paper. Whenever there’s paper, there’s an inevitable need for stapling. That’s why the world needs an ultra bright, nuclear sugar powered, morphogenic nanotech metamaterial, brilliant blazing red stapler with giant, industrial strength staples.

It must be a deep, deep, brilliant red, the apotheosis of the color red. Many people think that the color red is merely one particular wavelength or set of wavelengths within the spectrum of visible light. They are wrong. It is more. True red must engender two specific primal emotions, lust and rage. If the color does not immediately launch the viewer into unending, uncontrollable acts of simultaneous fornication and violence, it is no red at all. It’s a flimsy, pond scum thin approximation. Using an approximation for paint is a suicidal shame.

Artsy Photo: Click for full size. This image represents the torment of a new baseball glove improperly worn on the head.

Only with this red stapler can we withstand the furious, screaming bureaucratic paper storm headed our way. We’ll also need a couple of pens and a three ring binder. Also someone should order pizza or Thai food.

Chop, chop let’s go! This paperwork isn’t going to fill out itself.

Artsy photo: Click for full size. This image represents a new approach to paperclip castles.

Artsy Photo: Click for full size. This image represents the disturbing rise of feminism within Jim Varney’s Bathroom. I took 40 tries with different exposures and lighting trying to get it just right. ENJOY IT!