The boys belong to the
letter people. I don't own 'em. Couldn't afford the insurance
premiums on them anyway. I only sneak in and pounce on them
occasionally. Lucky I've got the judge on my side 'cause the boys
are trying to get a restraining order against me.

THE NEIGHBORHOOD
WATCH

Ezra sighed laying his
head on the steering wheel of his jaguar. Ah
truly hate jet lag. Ah will never attend another of Mutha's
weddings. How dare she offer me as a sacrifice on the altar of
matrimony. Ah do not care how large a portfolio comes with each of
them. A man must spend some time with a wife. Spinster one had
those somewhat cross-eyes. Easily overlooked if one's heart is
involved but her determination to bed every male in the vicinity was
just crass. Spinster two with her constant sniffling and sneezing,
and her tendency to go on for hours about her ill health, not to
mention the extricating detail to which she went on medical
procedures. Well, it made me positively loose mah appetite.
Spinster three, God help me, did everything except check mah teeth
and demand a test to determine mah potency. Ezra
shivered in revulsion just remembering the woman's clinging fingers. Lord, it is good to be home. An entire week
of Mutha's company after a month long case is entirely too much
stress. Mr. Sanchez must have been praying for me. It was an act of
God getting a seat on that plane. Monte Carlo in the busy season
whatever was Mutha thinking?

Standish sat up and
squared his shoulders before opening the door and stepped out.
Sighing in disgust Standish looked down. It
would appear that son of a bitch Andre has been trespassing once
again. Carefully Ezra made his way to the
edge of the drive where he attempted to scrape the excrement off his
shoe.

"Oh Mr. Standish, I
do apologize. I was on my way to clean that up," Dorothy Cabott
exclaimed in dismay.

Ezra failed to suppress a
slight smile as he acknowledged the flustered little woman. Mr.
Tanner is quite correct, she does bring to mind a sparrow. Calmly
he studied the tiny, rotund, silver-haired woman clasping the pooper
scooper in one hand and what appeared to be half a roll of wadded
paper towels in the other.

"How are you this
morning Ms. Dorothy?" Ezra drawled.

"Honey, you're
exhausted. Now just get yourself inside and go to bed. Leave your
shoe with me and I'll get it cleaned up for you," Dorothy peered
up at Ezra.

"Ms. Dorothy that is
unnecessary," Ezra soothed.

"Nonsense, he's my
dog, young man. Now give me that shoe before I thump you with this
pooper scooper." Dorothy stood tall scowling up at her neighbor.

"Please, Ms. Dorothy.
I beg of you, do not assault mah person. I agree to acquiesce to your
demands," Ezra widened his eyes in supposed fright. He quickly
reached down and unlaced his shoe then gingerly handed it to the
toe-tapping Dorothy.

"Take your sock off,
no reason to ruin a good pair of socks," Dorothy ordered.

Standish manfully
suppressed his grin as the red tea-cup Pomeranian peeked out of one
of Sylvia Oglethorpe's flower pots. Oh, dear.
And the war is on. Ah must remember to take notes. These two dear
old ladies take deviousness to new heights.

Hopping out of the pot the
little dog seemed to drag his feet as he made his way across Ezra's
tiny patch of yard.

"Bad dog. Look what
you did." Dorothy pointed down at the mess on the drive as the
Pom finally reached his owner. Promptly ducking his head and curling
his tail under himself, the dog looked appropriately chastised.

"You know better than
running off and making a mess on Mr. Standish's driveway,"
Dorothy lectured. Andre
gave a soft whimper in response. "No, you need to apologize to
Mr. Standish," Dorothy continued.

Ezra looked down at the
soft touch on his bare foot. A tiny paw rested on his big toe. Andre
gave a soft whimper and looked up pitifully.

"Mr. Cabott, please
refrain from such uncivilized behavior in the future." Ezra
scowled down. "Ms. Dorothy, I do believe you will be receiving
a visit from Ms. Oglethorpe shortly." Ezra winced, taking in the
mound of dirt still on Andre's nose.

"That's fine I need
to talk to her about that demon disguised as a cat. Dar-i-us
shredded Andy's new stuffed cat," Dorothy huffed. "Oh
Dear! You might want to put your car in the garage. Darius is still
running loose. And do be careful, Sylvia has been baking again."
Dorothy warned.

"Baking? May God
have mercy," Ezra hurriedly made his way back to his car
carefully avoiding the mess on the drive. Quickly, he raised the
garage door and slid the jaguar into its den, leaving no sign of his
presence.

7777777

Standish climbed out of
the jaguar once more. Grumbling to himself he reached in to recover
his keys that still dangled from the ignition.

Pay attention, Mr.
Standish. Such lapses can cause your demise. No matter how
exhausted, one must keep up appearances. HUH?Open the damn trunk and get out
your luggage. Come
on, Ez. It'll wait. I wanna bath and bed. Once I am within I have no
intention of seeing this vehicle until Monday morning. Besides
which, if I am recalling correctly I am out of clean undergarments.

Ezra hit the trunk release
then shuffled back to get his cases. The toes on his bare foot
wriggled in pleasure at their freedom.

Perhaps I should
consider professional assistance? Not only am I conversing with
mahself but I am answering as well and using a vernacular far more
suitable to Mr. Dunne.

7777777

Ezra
sat down on the lid of his laundry hamper while the washer started
filling. Lifting his foot he removed the remaining shoe and sock
giving a long sigh of relief as he wriggled his bare toes. "Heaven,
pure heaven," Ezra whispered.

Ezra
tensed and scowled noting signs of having an intruder. Ezra
Standish you are most definitely losing your mind. No one is going
to burgle your home and steal your soiled boxers.

Rising
cautiously Ezra drew his automatic and began a careful search of the
premises. Reholstering his weapon, a rueful smile lit his tired face
as he registered the watering can sitting prominently on his kitchen
counter. It
appears I have been visited by an angel of mercy, one of the Texas
variety. Standish
chuckled as he picked up the plastic wrapped spork which had been
laid out along with a bottle of honey, a teacup, saucer, a canister
containing a selection of his favorite teas. One
of these days I must give Vin a key. Ezra
smirked and shook his head. No
Mr. Tanner derives such pleasure from pointing out the ineptitude of
my security company.

"He
didn't! That . . . flea bitten Texas rat," Ezra fumed.
Throwing open the kitchen door he stomped across the patio to glare
at his ravaged and mutilated bush. "I should have him up on
charges!"

"I've
been admiring your new topiary," Mortimer Oglethorpe's soft
voice carried over the fence separating their yards. "It's very
realistic."

Standish
spluttered wordlessly.

"Sh,
sh get inside Sylvia's coming and she made muffins," Mortimer
hissed sharply.

Spinning
around Ezra dove through the kitchen door shutting it silently behind
him.

7777777

Fuming
to himself Ezra fixed a cup of tea. Why
am I looking in the refrigerator? I've been gone over a month if I
had left anything in there it would be well beyond consumption. Shaking his head
at his own behavior Ezra opened the door anyway. To his amazement a
quart of fresh milk, an assortment of fresh vegetables, as well as
some yogurt graced the shelves.

Damn
that Vin Tanner he's making it extraordinarily hard to stay angry
with him. This does not mean ah will not retaliate for that
monstrosity in mah yard. Besides which my undergarments are still
missing. He wouldn't have? Cautiously
Ezra opened the freezer door to peer within. Praline
ice cream Mr. Tanner you are a saint. Ah should have known better
Mr. Tanner rarely repeats himself. Mr. Wilmington shouldn't have
been carrying on so about being . . . hot. Ezra
began to giggle hysterically at the memory. I
do hope he wore gloves while handling Mr. Wilmington's unmentionables
no telling what might be lurking in the fabrics. Each pair had been
care fully soaked then frozen into an icy block which had been neatly
fitted into the freezer compartment.

Ezra
fixed himself a small bowl of ice cream appeasing his empty stomach
momentarily. Now
perhaps I might rest undisturbed. Shower first Ah can't endure mah
own scent any longer. Eighteen hours on airplanes or in airports
plays hob with ones hygiene.

7777777

Grasping
the banister tightly Standish made his way up the stairs to the
master bedroom. Just
a little longer Ezra then you can sleep. I will just purchase new
undergarments later if I am unable to recover the ones Mr. Tanner has
absconded with.

Entering
the bedroom Ezra smiled faintly. He
will break into mah home. Water mah plants, stock the refrigerator,
molest mah shrubbery, do mah laundry, but finds himself incapable of
invading mah privacy by opening a closet or dresser drawer. A
neatly stacked laundry basket containing clean clothing sat beside
the bed and neatly pressed shirts and trousers hung on hangers lined up on a broom
handle propped up between the dresser and a chair.

Very
thoughtful of him to remove them from the laundry service's covers so
that they might air out. Ezra
wandered over and stared at the shirts. Maybe
I won't have to find a new service after all. They didn't starch
them into the consistency of cardboard this time. Amazing, they
managed to remove that blood stain as well. Ezra
began to place the clean garments into his closet.

I
had intended to discard this one. Its cuff is torn and the button is
missing. Standish
blinked in disbelief examining the shirt's cuff. Ezra
mah boy your choo-choo has jumped its track. You're a brick shy of a
load. Completely balmy. It
happens to all the Standish's great-aunt Hortense took great pleasure
in informing me of that bit of family history when I was ten. Shaking fingers
examined the shirt cuff closely. No
I'm not coo-coo it has been mended. What tiny stitches this is
exquisite work. Ezra
mused in amazement. Hanging up the shirt he paused, leaning forward
Standish delicately sniffed the fabric. Mah
word this is Vin's laundry detergent. Did that uncouth, scruffy,
wrinkled blight upon fashion wash and press these
himself? I
am simply overly tired. Ezra
finished hanging the shirts in his closet.

Wandering
over to his bed he turned back the hand made quilt and comforter. What? These
aren't my sheets I would never own something so crass. Ezra
scowled down at the sky blue sheets covered with small sheep
cavorting about with smug little smirks on their little faces. I
will simply beat Vin Tanner later. Hesitantly
Standish lifted the pillows checking for booby traps. Lifting the
covers he checked to make sure the bed hadn't been short sheeted. Lavender! The
conman gasped and took a short step back from the bed. He
did remember. He was drugged out of his mind when I returned him to
his bed and told him about how peacefully I slept in Grandmere
Marie's bed and how it always smelled of lavender. Flannel? Such a
mundane fabric. It is so very soft. Standish
stroked the top sheet with sensitive fingers. I'd
wager they're warm as well. You have done everything but sing
lullabies and rock me trying to insure I rest well haven't you my
friend. Ezra you're home at last.

7777777

Bath,
I simply can not endure my stench any longer. Ezra's
feet drug as he turned toward the spotless haven of civilization.
Dropping his soiled garments into a laundry hamper Standish sighed
deeply as his shirt fell to the bathroom floor instead. If
I attempt to pick that up I will simply join it on the floor and
sleep there. I'll pick up later. A
deep moan was uttered as Ezra stepped under the warm spray. Heaven
on earth. Long
minutes later Standish turned off the cooling spray. I
must have fallen asleep standing up. Stepping
out into the humid room he pulled a huge bath towel off the rod
wrapping it around his hips. Pulling another towel over his head he
half-heartedly dried his hair before dropping the towel to puddle on
the floor next to the shirt. Mah
bed is calling.

What
evil god have I offended? Ezra
flinched as he spotted the large fuzzy calico Persian cat luxuriating
on his bed deliberately shedding mounds of hair. Darius narrowed his
eyes and unsheathed his claws. Deadly implements of destruction as
attested to by numerous shoes, pants legs and defenseless ankles. Standish, this is
your home drive that demon out before he takes possession.

"Your
protector is not here. I will shave your fuzzy butt if you do not
retreat from the premise post haste," Standish snarled. Darius
growled threateningly back.

Bless
you Vin Tanner. Ezra
snatched up the hanger rod/broom and advanced upon his nemeses.

Slowly
coming to his feet Darius fluffed his fur. Yellow green eyes locked
on emerald green for a moment before the large tom cat decided the
human was serious and would retaliate if attacked this time.
Sniffing derisively he sauntered out of the bedroom and regally
descended the stairs with Ezra trailing along still clutching his
broom. Stalking through the kitchen Darius made his way to the
slightly ajar door to the back yard. Breathing a sigh of relief
Standish let down his guard a moment to soon. The big tom spun
around and sunk his teeth into the big toe of the human's left foot.
A pained screech filled the air followed by a yowl of shock as Darius
dodged the swatting broom. The feline charged out the door with Ezra
in hot pursuit.

The
two women stood in their own yards fussing over the fences with
Ezra's small back garden between them, while Mortimer Oglethorpe
simply puttered in the yard ignoring the almost daily ritual. Ms.
Dorothy and Ms. Sylvia's heated but ever so polite debate broke off
as Darius raced across the patch of yard and over the fence taking
sanctuary in his dotting owner's arms. Bare legs flashed as the
conman charged after the nefarious feline. In an attempt to prevent
Darius from breaking back and reentering his home Ezra slammed the
kitchen door, thereby reengaging the alarm system and trapping his
towel in the process. Ezra had taken several steps and thrilled gasps
filled the air before it registered with Standish that his towel had
neglected to remain with him.

Blushing
wildly at his unintended display Ezra dropped the broom and sought
reentry to his domain. "SUGAH!" Standish rattled the door
knob assuring himself that indeed the negligent door was now locked.
Leaning his forehead against the glass he attempted to make his
aching brain function.

"Muffin,
Mr. Standish?" Sylvia offered sweetly.

"No
I don't believe so at this time Ms. Sylvia," Ezra responded
faintly. "Would one of you dear ladies please call . . . Mistah
Tannah and request his presence for me?"

"Do
we have to?" Dorothy giggled looking across the fences at the
widely smiling Sylvia.

"Please?"
Ezra asked ever so sweetly.

"I'll
call," Mortimer said calmly as he headed into the house.

"Spoil
sport," Dorothy sniffed.

"A
bit cool don't you think Mr. Standish," Sylvia purred.

"Why
yes I do believe so Ms. Sylvia. How are you this morning?"
Ezra groaned.

"The
day is looking better all the time Mr. Standish," Sylvia noted.
"Don't you agree Dorothy?"

"Oh
my yes, Why it's been years since things looked this good." She
chortled.

"Ladies
you are being . . . ," Ezra trailed off unable to wrap his mind
around a word to cover his particular situation.

"Admiring,"
Dorothy offered sweetly.

"A
blanket would be most appreciated," Ezra suggested.

"Why
certainly Mr. Standish you walk right on over here and I'll be happy
to loan you one," Dorothy giggled.

"Sylvia
dear did you ever learn how to use the digital camera?" Dorothy
asked curiously.

"Certainly,"
Sylvia huffed.

"Mortimer,
be a dear and bring my camera when you come," Sylvia called.

"Oh
Gawd!" Ezra thumped his head on the door.

"The
bridge club of course. And Catherine Smother's, her and her pool boy
indeed," Dorothy began listing.

"Abigail
Lewis has been so depressed since she moved into the nursing home. A
few pictures should brighten up her day," Sylvia suggested.

"Mr.
Standish would you sign a release for the garden club's calendar?"
Dorothy asked.

"Certainly
not," Ezra snapped. Obviously
it will do no good to ask for a bobby pin or wire so I might pick the
lock.

7777777

A
long twenty minutes passed while Ezra . . . visited with the neighbor
ladies. A relieved look filled his eyes as Vin Tanner appeared in
his kitchen and hurried over to open the door for him.

"Darn!"
Sylvia hissed. "Mortimer still hasn't found batteries for the
camera."

"Oh
what a shame," Dorothy sighed and returned to her weeding.

"Ez,
ya all right?" Vin blushed before snatching up the no longer
trapped towel and tossing it at the conman. Shutting the door firmly
behind Ezra, Tanner pulled the shades down preventing the two peeping
Tammys from seeing in.

"No
I am not alright," Ezra snarled. Struggling for composure
Standish wrapped the towel snuggly around himself. "Thank you
for rescuing me, again."

"Yer
makin' a habit of this. I put a key ta tha house in yer bush out
back," Vin said with a suppressed snicker.

"Guess
that explains a lot. Best git it fixed. Come on Nate left a medical
kit in yer downstair bathroom," Tanner ordered leading the way.

Vin
gently cleaned the bite and covered it with a bandaid. "Least
we know he's had his shots.

"Bedtime,
Ez." Vin smiled warmly and steered Ezra up the stairs and into
his room. Pulling down the shades Vin turned. Tanner shook his head
and pulled the blankets up over the soundly sleeping Standish. "Glad
ta have yah home, Ez." Vin whispered before tucking him in.

7777777

"Darn!"
Sylvia hissed. "Mortimer still hasn't found batteries for the
camera."

"Oh
what a shame," Dorothy sighed and returned to her weeding.

"I
think I'm getting Mortimer a membership to a health club for his
birthday," Sylvia announced.

"Sylvia
dear, Mortimer never looked like that boy," Dorothy giggled.

"I
know, maybe we could join?" Sylvia smirked. "No harm in
looking. It would be good for our hearts. All those sweaty young
men," Sylvia removed her hat and used it as a fan to cool her
face.

"OH
MY!" Dorothy blurted. "Sylvia dear Mortimer wants some
company. Hurry Dear, at our age he might change his mind. For a man
his age he still has a fine . . ."

"Dorothy
find your own . . . Morty is mine," Sylvia charged toward the
house and her waiting spouse.

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