Grief & Loss

Funeral & Family Dilemma..

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Grl16x wrote:

Just wondering if anyone has had to go through the trauma of burying their baby? I lost my little girl at 6 n half months. The time has came where I've got to make arrangements for her, I want her to have the best send off I can possibly give her. I don't know where to start. I am getting no help from nobody apart from the funeral directors themselves who are fantastic. Would like to hear anyone's advice or ideas I could use for her day e.g. what song to play at the church service etc..

Also long story cut short. My baby's father has been involved from the start of my pregnancy even though he didn't agree to it at first. He hasn't been to see the baby yet (even though he said he wants to he ain't been forced) and has ignored me for a week at times. He generally acts like he ain't bothered even though he says he is. His family has never said one word to me even when I was in hospital with complications. I reached out to his mom to see if she wanted to see the baby and she said yes. I feel like I shouldn't involve them in nothing seeing as they wasn't involved or wanted to know me when I was pregnant. Am I wrong for thinking and feeling this way?

I'm so very sorry for your loss, I had a funeral for my little girl (she made it to 5 months) it's such a heartbreaking thing to have to plan but i relied a lot on the funeral home to help me arrange things since I was so upset, they played a few beautiful songs and said some very encouraging words but I chose not to speak of course because it was too hard, I only had immediate family there and like u said, the ones that were really there for me could go, we all had a pink ballon with a card attached that we each wrote a message to my daughter and then let the balloons go into the sky and it was beautiful, and of course we had everyone send pink flowers so it was beautiful and I also arranged to purchase a duel plot so that I'd be buried in the same spot as her. I also bought a bear and slept with it the night before and placed it there with my daughter, along with a little blanket I crocheted and a couple things from family members. Again I'm so sorry

Just wanted to mention that the father of my child was not there for me majority of the time and was so inconsistent that he didn't even come to the hospital when I gave birth so I did not invite him or his family to the funeral, so don't feel bad if you don't invite them, if you don't want them there then it's for a reason and that's completely okay and you don't want any drama or bad feelings to take away from the day you honor your little angel

We lost our son at 27 weeks. We chose to have him cremated so that he could come home and be with us. We have the sweetest little urn on a shelf with angel wings in our bedroom. I can kiss him and talk to him every day and it brings me such peace. I'm so sorry about your loss. Making preparations is never easy. Do what's best for you!

That service sounds beautiful I like the balloon and card idea a lot. My baby's father was not at the hospital when I gave birth either, his family have never met me and had no intentions to throughout my pregnancy aswell. This has gave me loads of reassurance to go along with not inviting them thank you xx

In the Light Urns is the company I ordered from. The engraving plate is included and you can have whatever you want engraved. They have several options of urns to choose from. I've attached a picture of my sons urn.

I am so sorry about your daughter. I don't think there is a right or wrong way to handle these things. Our son was born in July at 41 weeks and passed after 3 hours. We had him cremated, but we have yet to do any sort of service and it has almost been 6 months. He was our 6th child, so one of our biggest priorities was considering what each of our children needed, and one of them really struggled with the idea of a ceremony and just wasn't ready. We never intended to do anything more than our little family, because we have just moved here and don't know anyone. We did make a memorial video to share with friends and family and gave to certain causes/ministries in his name. Think about what you want, what will bring you comfort, how do you want to honor her, it does not need to be like anyone else. Again, I am so sorry, praying for you.

"I will carry you" was one of the songs we used for our son's memorial videos, it was so appropriate, we received a fatal diagnosis at 17 weeks and he was born at 41 weeks. I love that song. I am so sorry about your sweet girl.

We lost our sweet boy at 1 week old. I wanted to have him cremated so I could have him home with me but my boyfriend just couldn't stand the thought of that. He wanted to have him buried so he could know that when we visit, we are actually there with him, whole, even though not in our arms like he should be. Honestly, I'm now thankful we didn't have him cremated. I visit him at the cemetery every single day and some days I actually feel at peace being there with him. We did a viewing and funeral that was open to everyone, and then we had a private burial that was for family only. At the funeral, his daddy and I both got up in front of everyone - he talked and then I read a book to our Cameron. We played Held by Natalie Grant and One Sweet Day by Mariah Carey. One song I wish I had known about at the time is Dancing in the Sky by Dani and Lizzy, it is now one of my favorites and I listen to it all the time. At the burial, we had immediate family place white roses on top of his casket and then my boyfriend and I each laid a blue rose down. The two of us then took 3 balloons - one for Cameron, one for me, and one for his daddy - we each wrote a message to him on his balloon and released the 3 of them together. It was a beautiful moment, they were not tied together but they stayed together the entire time until they were out of site.

I am so so sorry you are having to go through this! It is definitely something NO ONE should ever have to experience. Just know that whatever decisions you make for your sweet baby, they are perfect. There is no wrong way to honor your child, it only matters what you feel is right. Hugs Momma.

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