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Are your limiting beliefs holding you back?

On the simplest level, if you don’t feel generally satisfied, comfortable, strong about you and your place in the world, then it’s highly likely you will have some limiting beliefs holding you back.

Limiting beliefs can affect all aspects of your life. They can mean you don’t dare do what you really want to, that you think you don’t deserve that job, that opportunity, that you can’t possibly earn more, get what you want. You might think you don’t deserve to be heard. They affect the physical as well as the mental space, creating a feeling of general unease, a tightness in the chest, a queasiness or feeling of nervousness when you are facing a new experience or an opportunity. In short, they sabotage so much of what we could do.

Sound familiar?

If you have a belief that you are not good enough, then it’s no wonder that you don’t feel confident enough to “own your space” and stand confidently in every aspect of your life. When I say confident, I’m not meaning confident to jump up on stage and enjoy the spotlight (although wouldn’t that be OK?), I’m meaning more that quiet confidence that means you are comfortable in your own skin. That you don’t question and analyse what you said, how you did it, whether you said the right thing, whether people will be criticising you. It’s possible you often feel ‘not good enough’ and that you don’t have the right to speak out, hold your hand up, volunteer, disagree, move to the front of the queue, make things happen, put your point of view forward…
Does this ring any bells? Is this what your inner voice is saying much of the time?

Where do they come from?

Often they are as a result of the words of others. These words might not have been meant to land in a negative way, you may well have unconsciously interpreted them as such. It could be a parent telling you “you’re not the best at writing” when you were very little. You could carry this throughout your life, avoiding any opportunities to do anything that involves writing. You may even be perfectly good at writing and people around you now tell you so, but those negative words will drown out anything that you hear to the contrary.
They can also come from rules that we make up about the world. If you failed once to excel in the school running race, you may have created a rule that you can’t run. This could have become more generalised and become a rule that says “I can’t do anything that involves physical exercise”. If you believe this rule, it’s very likely that you will stay well away from anything that might help you stay fit. You may have heard someone mention your accent and you could have interpreted it as a criticism. It may follow that you feel self conscious about your accent and speaking up at meetings.

You can change it.

This inner voice is made up of limiting beliefs that you have built up over the years. Just as you have built up these negative beliefs that hold you back, you can build up positive beliefs that will allow you to move forward into a place of calm confidence. It just requires you to first notice the belief, challenge it and then switch it into a positive.

e.gNotice it: “ My opinions are not worth hearing”.Challenge: Ask yourself “says who?”Switch: Ask yourself “what would be a more useful belief?”. It could be something like “My opinions are as valid as other people’s”. Adopt this as your new positive belief.

Remember NCS – Notices, challenge, switch

I feel very strongly about limiting beliefs as so many of us have them and live our whole lives with them holding us back without realising it. They can affect so many aspects of our lives in a negative way, making us feel less than successful, rarely living up to our potential. And this really doesn’t need to be the case.

Coaching is all about seeing things from another perspective. Most people develop a pattern of behaviours that remains largely unchanged for much of their life. These patterns are usually formed during childhood and early adulthood, where we are learning about the world and people. These patterns also contribute to our beliefs and how we see ourselves and others. Some of these beliefs can be negative and limit our potential to do many things, including being confident, successful and even happy. Read more