Here’s What It Costs To Own All The Pets Your Kid Says They Want

Eventually, your kid is going to demand a pet, because you’ve been training them from the day they were born to think of animals as smaller, fuzzier versions of themselves, who talk and make great companions on awesome adventures. That’s on you. Also on you? All the money it’s going to take to keep said pet thriving so you don’t have to teach your kid about death too soon.

That way, when your kid realizes the dog doesn’t talk (remember, your fault. You’re the one who showed them Up) and loses interest, the dog will still think you’re the best guy ever.

Small Dog

Before you buy a purse dog, turn off the Kardashians for a minute and think about what message that little ankle biter sends your kid. Animals are not accessories, and why are you carrying a purse?
Annual Costs

Medium Dog

A wise man said that real dogs weigh no less than 25 pounds, and anything less than that is a cat. His name has been lost to the ages, so now you can tell your kids that you were the wise man. And if they really want a cat, read on …

Large Dog

Sure, moving past the 80-pound range with a pet will increase your costs — a Great Dane doesn’t just look like a horse, it eats like one, too. But at this size, you’re getting more than a pet; you’re getting a home security system and an amusement park ride for infants.

Cat

The ruler of the Internet and conqueror of boxes does not care what you or your kids think of it, which is actually not a bad life lesson for the kids. They’ll have more respect for any real animals they might encounter in the wild some day, and also be more prepared for their first romantic disappointment.

Rabbit

They’re cute, harmless, fuzzy,and delicious. In one of the animal kingdom’s most effective PR campaigns, rabbits have been working their way off our menus and into our hearts for years now. So, don’t expect to get a meal out of it when it croaks.

Fish

Sure, a fish has the lowest barrier to pet entry in the whole animal kingdom, but there are some real downsides here: They take up counter space, are surprisingly labor intensive to keep clean, and they just swim in circles all day. Your kid will be so bored, they probably won’t notice when you flush it down the toilet.