Month: March 2015

Well, hello, again! You’re looking tres beau in that plush lavender robe that you often wear. It brings out your eyelashes and is tres chic.

I just wanted to tell you about all the neat things I am doing so that you can feel that I am humbly bragging about my amazing life. Then, I’ll feel like I am “winning.”

Oh wait. No, that’s not what I wanted to do. I wanted to tell you about all the cool books I’m reading. Here’s the catch, they’re in French! Yep.

I know you are probably picture that I am reading Moliere’s The Misanthrope but actually I’m reading another very influential book called, Amos and Boris. It’s by an American author, William Steig This book is about a mouse who builds a boat and then meets a whale who saves him. C’est extraordinarie!

You may be like, “What? Are you shaken–children’s Literature is for kids!” And then I laugh in this uniquely French laugh I developed that sounds sort of like a dish disposal with a spoon in it, “Muh hah hah. How wrong you are my little pet! Children’s Literature is for everyone!”

Okay, so here’s what happened. In 1983, a beautiful little baby was born into this world named Alexis and everyone knew nothing would ever be the same. Then, about thirty-two years later, on a Monday, she went to the library and found the French Literature section, but as she perusing through, she was thinking, “Wow. These are way harder than my 22% knowledge of the French language that Duolingo tells me I have.” Then, she found the children’s French literature section and she pulled out three books from the shelf and said, “Yes!” out loud and then made an outdated fist pump movement to which people who were trying to use the computers found kind of odd, but then quickly didn’t care because some of them were playing video games and that was much more interesting than a real human doing an outdated fist pump over Amos and Boris in French.

I have had other adventures in trying to read books in French and these usually fail. What comes to mind is “The Penguin Book.” “What an interesting title!” you exclaim sarcastically and then I say, “I can’t figure out the title. It exceeds my ability, so I just call it the Penguin book.” When I asked Vincent what the title meant he said something but I can’t remember exactly because I was speaking over him and telling him he really needed a haircut, so maybe it’s something like, “The Time of the Penguins” or “Time for Penguin” (that might be a culinary themed one) or “Springtime for Penguins.” Anyway, I translated one page of the book and it was incredibly hard and I’m just going to tell you, sometimes google translate really does not help at all–especially when they just say the exact same word back to you. Anyway, I translated enough to know that one penguin gets a ride on another penguin’s motor bike and one of these penguins may have been a postman. It’s unclear.

Vincent brought back a French magazine for me and it’s so cool. I actually haven’t even really read it yet, but I love looking at the advertisements. Things like photos of women in exquisite dresses with the word “Femme” written above them. I love this magazine but I never read it. I just look at it in a state of wonder. This might be my next step. I might also cut it up and make it into a poem because the articles are a little too hard. French design is so beautiful though. Francophile meter: high.

Vincent is in France right now otherwise I would be asking him to read “Amos and Boris” with me. Sometimes when I don’t know the English translation, I just make up a good plot point that could happen–like “Then Amos felt a connection with the universe because he saw all the stars.” Then, Vincent gets kind of angry–like throws a pot (just kidding), he actually just kind of laughs and goes, “Wait, what? You’re making that up.” It’s an unusual ability to try and trick someone who’s native tongue in that language. It has like a 0.25% chance of success. Sometimes it works if Vincent is sleepy or receives a text. That’s when it usually works.

Oh, I see you are headed to work, still in your lovely plush lavender robe. This makes me wonder what your job is–are you in a sleep trial? If so, how much does it pay because I am pretty good at sleeping (when I’m not reading that’s my main hobby).

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I am a writer with an MFA in fiction from New England College. I love the exchange of a joke; it asks the participant to travel into a non-logical space and allow the physiological reaction of laughter in themselves. I like jokes that nearly don't make sense.