Tuesday, 15 March 2011

That's doo doo right there

Just when you think you've seen it all..

I'm standing in my cell talking to partner, when B walks in..
I like B, he has the kind of happy smile plastered all over his face that you'd expect to see on a child
skankin' into toys R us..
His demeanor is similar to that of a dog that has just been let off his leash in a big park,
he's pure haps.

We exchange some witty banter back and forth, before my dude just casually says
"gentleman"
..and in one swift motion, pulls his pants down, sits on the toilet, and without warning instantly
starts peppering the back of the toilet bowl..starting with a biblical splat, followed by a spray
of machine gun fire..
Naturally, we vacate the premises..

As his shitting was so instantaniously impromptu,
mans forgot to put up the 'curtain'..
Meaning anyone that walks past the cell, can openly
see this 260 pound, now naked, african american man purched on the toilet
like a throne, filling it with nutty goodness..

We take full advantage of the situation on hand..

Anyone who is unlucky enough to wander onto the tier gets told,
in a stone faced, deadly serious voice..
"Yo, he wants to talk to you man"
Then watching them get closer and closer to the door,
before the eventual scream..
"YOU NASTY N****R!!"
The best being my Nigerian buddy,
who upon seeing him falls backwards with his arms flailing in the air, shouting at the top of his lungs..
"WAAAAHAHAHA! You big black nasty n****r!!!"
After a while my partner starts to get very annoyed at being watched,
firstly shouting
"FUCK YOU N****RS, EVERYBODY COME LOOK AT THE GORILLA IN THE ZOO HUH? OK..

..Then out of nowhere,
a piece of toilet paper completely caked in shit gets flung onto the window of the cell..sticking to the glass..

At this point,
a very VERY respected inmate walks past, sees us all falling around laughing, clocks the shitty paper
smushed to the window of the cell, and just looks to the floor shaking his head in utter disapointment..