BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TODAY Mariah Carey does Kosovo, entertaining American troops stationed there (they still think she’s a major star because they haven’t seen “Glitter” yet) . . . TONIGHT’S televised “2001 Billboard Music Awards” live from the MGM Grand in Las Vegas includes performances by Jennifer Lopez, ‘N Sync, Alicia Keys, Tim McGraw & Shaggy (awards for top artists and songs determined by record charts, sales & radio airplay) . . . LAST NIGHT Beatle hometown Liverpool held a candle-lit vigil in honor George Harrison . . . Harrison has reportedly left his estimated $300-million fortune to his family, the Hare Krishna religious sect, and various international charities (his estate includes a $35-million Gothic mansion outside London, another on Australia’s posh Hamilton Island, and a 3rd on the oceanfront in Maui, Hawaii) . . . There’s talk that Harrison’s “My Sweet Lord”, a #1 hit in January 1971, may be re-released as a tribute single . . . Word is Garth Brooks already has enough material in the can — as many as 30 songs – for Capitol Records to release 2 or 3 ‘new’ CDs without him ever returning to a recording studio (Garth’s an environmentalist, he believes in recycling old material) . . . Sam L Jackson says he only agreed to appear in the upcoming comedy “The 51st State” because he gets to wear — a kilt . . . One reason “Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?” is suffering declining ratings – its saturation schedule means it aired the equivalent of 6 full TV seasons in less than 2 . . . And the Las Vegas Liquor Commission is charging a local club with serving booze to minors, not just any minors — Britney Spears & Justin Timberlake during a recent bash that reportedly lasted 6 hours (her drink of choice is said to be vodka — straight up!).

TODAY’S DVD & VHS RELEASES:
Ben Affleck & Josh Hartnett star in the mega-budget WW2 epic “Pearl Harbor”, just ahead of FRIDAY’S 60th anniversary of the actual event (perfect for home viewing — you can pause for a break every hour or so) . . . The so-called ‘Bootleg Cut’ of Cameron Crowe’s “Almost Famous”, the movie that made Kate Hudson a star . . . And the 2-disc CD set, video & DVD of “America: A Tribute to Heroes” are due out TODAY, with all proceeds going to the 9/11 Telethon Fund.

BORDER PATROL:
YESTERDAY US Attorney-General John Ashcroft unveiled a $31.5-million plan to deploy some 600 troops and helicopter patrols along the American-Canadian border in attempt to prevent terrorist penetration from Canada. So much for the famous ‘world’s longest undefended border’. (Let’s see, 600 soldiers or 1 every 10.8 km – yeah, that’ll do it.)

CLOWNING AROUND:
Picture seeing this during your morning commute – Mexico City’s transportation department is now using mimes and clowns to direct traffic! Authorities hope they’ll help solve the mega-city’s horrendous traffic problems because local drivers often scorn traditional traffic cops. (Around here, the clowns are the drivers.)

IDEAL GIFT . . . FOR THE WEIRDO:
What’s a guy to do when he wants to feel pretty under his clothes? Panties are for women, but now there’s ‘Manties’ for men. Yup, the product’s Website says they’re ‘for those nights and days when you want to be and feel a little special, naughty, and very sexy’. The frilly little nylon gotchies promise ‘extra room where you need it’, and ‘once you have them on, it will be “hard” to take them off’. (Guaranteed to make you REAL popular in the changing room at the gym.)
NET: http://www.manties.net

‘TIS THE SEASON:
DECEMBER through February is THE peak period for house fires, according to “Parade” magazine. As well as the season for potentially hazardous Christmas decorations, it’s also the time of year we make the most use of electricity and heating systems (and occasionally roast our nuts by the fire). Homeowners are reminded to replace batteries in smoke alarms at least once a year, and the smoke alarm itself every 10 years. (You’re also reminded to triple your house insurance before tossing that flaming gas-soaked rag in the back window.)

A WOMAN’S WORK:
A new study by Grand Valley State University in Grand Rapids MI finds that women are still stuck with the bulk of household chores. Men only tend to do about 12% of the work around the house, whether or not they’re employed. On the good side, the study finds that men in ‘co-habiting’ relationships tend to work fewer hours than married men and do more around the house. (Seems married guys think a marriage certificate is a license to loaf.)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “Extraordinary Work Team Recognition Day”, a day for bosses to generously pass out ‘attaboys’. (Thereby saving on Christmas bonuses.)

TODAY is “St Barbara’s Day”, patron saint of firemen, architects, mathematicians, fireworks, miners, sailors, and against lightning, fire, explosions, and sudden death (whew!). Tradition has it that girls should place a cherry tree twig in a glass of water on this day. According to the old custom, if it blooms by Christmas Eve, they’ll marry in the next year.

TODAY is “Wear Brown Shoes Day” for some unknown reason. To get the full effect, make sure you wear ‘em with something black.

ON THIS DAY . . .
1995 [06] Winnipeg Jets’ owners announce plan to move NHL team to Phoenix

BULL’S BITS . . .
WHAT’S THE NEXT LINE?
Contestant must complete the NEXT line to these popular holiday season songs . . .
• “Have a holly jolly Christmas, it’s the best time of the year” [“I don’t know if there’ll be snow but have a cup of cheer”]
• “I’ll be home for Christmas, you can count on me” [“Please have snow and mistletoe, and presents ’neath the tree”]
• “I’m dreaming of a white Christmas, with every Christmas card I write” [“May your days be merry and bright, and may all your Christmases be white”]
• “Here comes Santa Claus, here comes Santa Claus right down Santa Claus lane” [“Vixen and Blitzen and all his reindeer pullin’ on the reins”]
• “Thumpetty thump thump, thumpetty thump thump” [“Look at Frosty go” or “Over the hills of snow”]
• “Gee if I could only have my two front teeth” [“Then I could wish you Merry Chrithmath”]
• “You’re a mean one Mr Grinch, you really are a heel” [“You’re as cuddly as a cactus, you’re as charming as an eel”]

BS ROYALTY QUIZ:
Who was known as . . .
• The Queen of Disco [Donna Summer]
• The Queen of Soul [Aretha Franklin]
• The Queen of the Blues [Dinah Washington]
• The Queen of the West [Dale Evans]
• The Queen of Crime [Agatha Christie]
• The Queen of Country Music [Kitty Wells]
• The King of Swing [Benny Goodman]
• The King of One-Liners [Henny Youngman]
• The King of the Cowboys [Roy Rogers]
• The King of Pop [Michael Jackson]
• The King [Elvis Presley]
(Source: “10,000 Answers: The Ultimate Trivia Encyclopedia” by Stanley Newman)

Q: How do you get a hundred drunken Canadian vacationers out of a swimming pool?
A: Can everyone please get out of the pool now?