The controversial “Shroud of Elvis” will be exhibited at Elvis Presley’s home, Graceland, beginning today, Good Friday,for seven days until Kickass Friday, April 29th.Similar to the Shroud of Turin, which supposedly depicts the likeness of Jesus Christ, a popular religious figure, the Shroud of Elvis is imbued with the likeness of the King. “There is no doubt this is real,” said Jumbo Tuberville, curator of the Elvis Museum and Bait Shop. ”The King had enough Dilaudid and Twinkies in his system to sweat his portrait onto the sheet. The chemicals in his body just fused with the polyester, man. Sweet!“

Pilgrims Celebrate the Unveiling of the Sacred Shroud

The shroud is expected to draw over one million visitors more than the Shroud of Turin, which dates from the Middle Ages or a couple years ago and is being exhibited in order to deflect attention from the widespread pedophilia scandal involving the Pope and countless priests, but doubtfully this guy:

A Pilgrim Ponders Deep Fried Twinkies in Gift Shop

While rumours flew that the Shroud would be available in replica versions at selected sacred Walmart locations, the Catholic Church and Graceland have refused to comment when asked if displaying the Shroud was an attempt to revitalize both Catholicism and interest in Elvis as a response to the rise of the world’s preeminent spiritual leader, Lady Gaga.