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Topic: Paying compliments is rude? (Read 25776 times)

Physical attraction is one of them. And I don't think that is at all shallow.

Physical attraction isn't shallow. Having ONLY physical attraction is shallow. You should be able to compliment something other than looks, which, IMHO, you need to talk to someone a bit before throwing out the compliments so that you have something to compliment (and base attraction on) other than just looks.

What Lovie said - I don't think anyone has said that physical attraction is the only factor, and I really don't grasp the leap from "he complimented me on my smile - he expects me to immediately okay scrabble and is only interested in my looks." It's far more realistic that he simply complimented you on your smile as a way to start a conversation. I think it would be rude to respond negatively to a genuine compliment.

What Lovie said - I don't think anyone has said that physical attraction is the only factor, and I really don't grasp the leap from "he complimented me on my smile - he expects me to immediately okay scrabble and is only interested in my looks." It's far more realistic that he simply complimented you on your smile as a way to start a conversation. I think it would be rude to respond negatively to a genuine compliment.

My statement was in response to this comment -

"I'd have no problem with a potential mate complimenting my appearance. In fact, if they didn't, I would wonder if they were attracted to me at all."

and to repeated statements throughout the thread that some are interpreting statements of 'don't jump right in with the physical compliments' and 'don't hit on people who aren't interested in being hit on' as 'don't initiate flirting at all, ever' and 'don't compliment, ever'.

I think this thread is going round in circles and circles. We're at an impasse. My brain hurts

Lets just agree that some people don't think personal compliments to strangers are rude and shouldn't be stopped, and some people think personal compliments to strangers are rude and shouldn't be encouraged.

Reason's been given great advice for both for and against. I'm sure it's given him something to think about. The important thing is he seems very socially astute so as long as he's happy, and the girl he's chatting up is happy, the world is fine. Rude or not.

I think this thread is going round in circles and circles. We're at an impasse. My brain hurts

Lets just agree that some people don't think personal compliments to strangers are rude and shouldn't be stopped, and some people think personal compliments to strangers are rude and shouldn't be encouraged.

Reason's been given great advice for both for and against. I'm sure it's given him something to think about. The important thing is he seems very socially astute so as long as he's happy, and the girl he's chatting up is happy, the world is fine. Rude or not.

Agreed and I think you've actually reached the heart of the matter: Perception.

Basically if the person you're complimenting seems happy it's fine. If he/she seems uncomfortable back off, and be aware of situations where they can't express their displeasure such as in an employee/customer situation.And if you don't feel you're socially astute enough to tell when someone is uncomfortable, you probably should just not compliment strangers.

I think this thread is going round in circles and circles. We're at an impasse. My brain hurts

Lets just agree that some people don't think personal compliments to strangers are rude and shouldn't be stopped, and some people think personal compliments to strangers are rude and shouldn't be encouraged.

Reason's been given great advice for both for and against. I'm sure it's given him something to think about. The important thing is he seems very socially astute so as long as he's happy, and the girl he's chatting up is happy, the world is fine. Rude or not.

Agreed and I think you've actually reached the heart of the matter: Perception.

Basically if the person you're complimenting seems happy it's fine. If he/she seems uncomfortable back off, and be aware of situations where they can't express their displeasure such as in an employee/customer situation.And if you don't feel you're socially astute enough to tell when someone is uncomfortable, you probably should just not compliment strangers.

Yup, this. Compliments to strangers are, I think, similar to the customer service styles we go round and round about on other threads--different people have different preferences, and the best etiquette in these situations IMO is to be responsive to the cues you get from the other person.