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Saturday, June 4, 2011

Ice Cream is so delicious

Hear ye hear ye reader, alas I have returneth! It must be very exciting for you. And I know you all must have been wondering where the hell I was this weekend and why there were no posts about pirates or turtles. Well do I have a story for you. It all started waay back at the end of freshman year when my English teacher decided to put me in Honors English. We didn't agree on much after this. So during the summer, instead of one book to read I now had two.

Now I know what you're all thinking, "Two, psh that's nothing." And yes dear reader how I would oh so readily agree on any other standard. But this second book for the oh so royal Honors class was none other than "Jane Eyre" by that British lady that no one cares about. Now mind you I had already heard of this book and was not fond of it. So now I'm like, "This is horrible! I hate British people!" So you see my dilemma. Well summer came and I read the standard book and it was actually enjoyable and then I decided to start (and by decided I mean if I didn't my mother would beat me with it) this horrid book.

Now for those of you who have been graced with not having to have read "Jane Eyre", I'll sum up the basic plot line. And by sum up I mean I'll tell you what I got from it. This story basically goes, "Oh poor little orphan girl blah blah blah GHOSTS blah blah blah CHRIST IS GOD blah blah blah death blah blah blah horses blah blah blah insane lady blah blah blah random family reunion blah blah blah emotions blah blah blah more emotions blah blah blah FIRE! blah blah blah some guy loses his hand and goes blind blah blah blah they fall in love again blah blah blah marriage blah blah blah the end."

Okay I definitely gave that book more credit than it's due but anyways that's all you really need to know. But this is how the book REALLY went, "Domestic violence, scenery, birds, emotions, apparitions, emotions, Christianity, emotions, greenery, even more emotions" and so on. I mean my God they book is about emotions and England! That's enough right there to kill me, and that's leaving out the 350+ pages of descriptive scenery and you got it EMOTIONS.

Well speaking of emotions: HAPPY VALENTINES DAY EVERYONE! Traditionally today is a day of love and happiness and merriment. But because of the lack of America's social skills the majority of us will be sitting on our couches eating junk food (such as ice cream) and watching TV. Now I'm certainly not judging especially because I belong to the category of couch potatoes. But enough seriousness, it's time for the sun to SHINE! So you know what's really delicious? Apple juice. You know what's even more amazing? Oatmeal. And better than oatmeal? Just kidding, there's nothing better than oatmeal, IT'S OATMEAL FOR GOD'S SAKE!

Oatmeal really isn't all that great but it's on my mind so I'm just gonna go with it. Last night I had a dream and for some reason I spent the whole time asking people if they thought I was real. The terrible part is, they all said NO. And then I stabbed this hermit in the stomach and stole all of his Twinkies. And I rode away on a Great Dane named Lothar. All in all it was a pretty good dream. Well I mean, not if you look at it from the hermit's puddle of blood, but hey, that's not my fault. He was probably being a Twinkie Nazi and I saved the whole world, you don't know. I don't think I know so let's talk about something else.

I like babies, babies and old people. But not old people that act like babies and certainly not babies that look like old people. They are separate for a reason Genetics, stop trying to fuck things up. Babies are so cute. I wanna be a doctor. But I only want to treat depressed and overly happy people. Because instead of antidepressants, I'm just going to give the depressed people a baby and BOOM they are happy. Cause really now, how could you resistthis. I mean COME ON he's so precious and fragile and so GODDAMNED ADORABLE. I was going to prescribe puppies too, but then they grow into dogs and they can't wear diapers and...oh screw it, just watchthisvideo and tell me puppies aren't cuter. I'm sorry babies but you lose this round.

Anyways this post has seemed like an epic fail, but I blame England...and my mother because things are usually her fault. So instead of wallowing I'm gonna go do a dance and you can check out the new sites on my Links page. I really hope I installed a Links page. But yeah. Enjoy :D.

AAGUGHEIGHAL;KJDIHHEKKKDIOSOHKELKDIHENLKDKJFOSAHI

enjoy thislinkas payment for my failure. I promise my next post will be even epic-er than the rest.

P.S. another reason of my deep loathing of Jane Eyre is not only is it written in some godforsaken ye older than olden British writing, they only talk in FRENCH!!! How in God's name is this a classic AMERICAN novel?!?! But my hatred of French is for another time...most likely my next post or my next dream.

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About Me

I am Jess. I am 19. I am awkward. That is pretty much all you need to know. I am also funny. That is also important. I also normally use contractions most of the time, usually when they combine to make words that are not words.