How To Work Out At Legoland Windsor Resort

November 18, 2015

Okay bro, picture this – it’s your nine year old nephew’s birthday and you’ve gone with your actual bro’s family to Legoland Windsor Resort for a few days (God knows you need the company, you’ve spent every day for the past month staring into a gym mirror with only veiny arms and creatine shits to show for it). But after a full 24 hours trying and failing to earn a Lego driving license (those cars are too small man what the fuck!) you realise it’s squattin’ time and, oh no, you can’t get to the gym from Castleland! Without a pectoral fly or a kettle bell in sight, you’re going to have to make do. Fear not, brother – I know what it’s like to be in desperate need of interior pec-orating while in the Duplo Gardens, and I’ve put together my toppest tips on how to keep your legs grow while at Lego…land Windsor Resort.

Pick up children. Not like, pick up like you would an 8/10 at the bar, but literally lift them up. Kiddos are a natural source of weight and Legoland Windsor Resort is a natural source of kids. If you look down and look closely, you might be able to see them – they tend to be smaller than normal people but not like dwarves. A few in each hand should be enough to really tear at your lat-er day saints and running away before their parents catch you is great for your quads.

Push the Hill Train. If you can find the train that goes right down the middle of the park (it took me ages), sprint down the tracks and keep elbow bashing the back carriage. This will totally obliterate your Vauxhall core-sa and keep your shouldrons nice and meaty. The staff and guest appreciate it too, because you’re giving the slow train a push to get to the other side of the park quicker so you’re like doing them a favour too.

Collect all the Lego you can find and pick it up at once. If you’re a fucking dork you can build really big barbells out of them if you want, but I prefer just to heap it in a big pile and wrap my arms around it. This way of doing it is also a great workout for the tricep-atops and you look like a real sick guy when you’re red faced and heaving lots of Lego bricks.

By now you must be looking like a statue, or a Greek god, or a statue of one. Good work bro, I’m really admiring those quad-goals. Oh man, you have a bit of the Knights Kingdom set stuck in your glute-of-the-loom.

In these uncertain times only one group can steer us through the maelstrom of #Brexit and that group is... @VerbDisRadio (yes really) Verbal Discharge Takes Back Control Friday 29th March at @FurthestFromSea as part of @formatfestival tickets on sale from @derbyquad #FORMAT19