Tag Archives: sad

So I don’t really feel like talking. Not surprising all things considered. No call, no show by the aforementioned bio father – no surprises.
Work is really sucking, and could be coming to an end soon. We’ll see. There will definitely be changes in regards to that in the very near future.

I spend way too much time psyching myself up and letting myself down, and then psychoanalyzing why and how. I spend too much time alone.

I whine way too much.
I have two unfinished reviews that have been sitting for a week…
Far too many projects going on in my head.

Sleep is a myth, perpetuated by mattress salesmen.

The girls do so much, and change so fast that I scarcely seem to know them at times.
I should be in bed, but I’m scared of what’s in my head that comes out in the dark.

So I’ve been drifting in memories bliss for a bit. Thinking of friends that have disappeared, people I have not been the best to, people that I’d like to find, or least find out how they are doing.

Some there is no chance of. Some have rejected contact (their loss…)

Some pop up every so often…Hiya Suz! Some I start getting back in touch with, and it just drys up, becuase there is no common point of reference. What Made us friends in that previous life, just isn’t there anymore.

Hi.
This ain’t easy.
No one ever said it would be.
I’m sure most of you have read A Double Dad Quandary and the shit-storm that followed. That all began on 6/25/07. It is now 7/6/07. I have received NO communication from the man involved.

The following excerpts are from an email exchange between his wife and I on 6/29.
I have cut the irrelevant parts out, as well as redacted personal information.
Her words are in Italics, my responses to her statements are in bold and my reply to her mail and final overture is in plain text.

I showed those pixs to your father. He doesn’t go on line. He doesn’t know how to use the comp.Ok, I can understand that. He is old school. Never to late to learn, though.

yes mikeal your father knows what u wrote , I read it to him and he was very hurt.

I’m sorry that I caused him emotional pain. But I was hoping it might make him think…
Edit: I had also meant to say that There’s part of me that doesn’t think he’s even seen or heard it…

by the way we didn’t send u to bible camp, but we did go to church on sunday. Ummm… I’d call 2 weeks of vacation bible school (If I remember right, it was about 7 hours a day) close enough. Oh Yeah! Match stick crosses! And yes, sometimes you actually did go.

when we lst got with u kids u told me your mother sent u to a camp in the summer. somewhere out near ashford.

No, we lived in Ashford. The only camp I attended was The Susan B. Anthony Camp in Maine when we lived there. And more to the point, I didn’t get sent there, I wanted to go, and begged to go.

I was very hurt to see him so hurt.

Sorry – but did it hurt enough to make him call me? Apparently not.

He’s been thru alot of grief the last 4 years with 2 accidents. he has metal plate and pins in his foot that pains him everyday.don’t u remember him calling u in the mornings about a year ago.

I do remember him calling 3-4 times, but no accident was mentioned that I recall.
I have sympathy for his physical hurts. It’s never a good thing to be in pain.
I’ve been through ” alot of grief” for the last 30 years.

he’s not much for talking on the phone even when his dad calls, he tries to make it short cuz grandpa can talk for hours lol. Well, when it’s the only option, it’s the only option and you do what you have to. Or, In this case, you don’t.

Sorry this turned into to such an emotional thingWhat do you mean, turn into?! It’s always been one! That’s what this is all about!we were hoping u’d come down sometime.
Probability is very near zero – ever.

The girls are adorable and your father is a big mush with kids.

Yes, they are. Thank you for saying so. And He may well be, I wouldn’t know.

(my emailed reply follows in situ)
Rosemary,
If he still wants to visit, this is how it can be. We pick a day in advance, (has to be in advance so Psycho-Momia and I can arrange time off) and he and I can get together and talk. After that, we’ll see. I don’t want to shut him out. He is my dad, and that means a lot. But there is a lot of shit that sits inside me that he needs to know – that I need his answers for. I’m glad that post brought out a lot of stuff, but answers from you don’t cut it.
My cell is often the best way to get me. (phone number redacted) About the only times I don’t answer are when I’m asleep, or at work.
Have him call me, and we’ll work out a time when we can go for a beer or a coffee.
I think it would be best for him to come up here, but it’s negotiable.

Mikeal

So –
It’s been 11 days since I lit this fire, and 7 days since I sent the above. I have gotten no response from Bart. None. If he has indeed been informed of this, he clearly doesn’t give a shit enough to do anything about it. Fuck.

So the story ends here.
Bart Jr., you are welcome to stay in touch. Maybe we can build something.

I will leave comments on this post open for 24 hours or so.
But it’s time to say goodbye to this issue. I don’t need the grief, and neither do the women I love. (Yes, the girls are indeed women…very young ones, but still…)