LFO's "Summer Girls" Lyrics Make Absolutely No Sense, Even 17 Years Later

I hope you aren't busy today or anything, because I need you to take a quick walk down memory lane with me and confirm for posterity that the lyrics for "Summer Girls" by LFO make literally zero sense. I don't know if my standards were lower when I was younger or what, but I remember happily singing along to these words without a care in the world, apparently not noticing that they were complete nonsense. I guess this shouldn't surprise me, coming from a group whose name was shortened down from "Lyte Funkie Ones" — yes, this is real and not a joke — but I'm still surprised by the complete lack of any conceivable through-line.

Listening to it now and watching the video feels a little bit like revisiting one of my favorite teen movies as an adult; all of a sudden, all these little weirdnesses that I glossed over before really stand out. It's like, "Wait, her entire makeover was just taking off a pair of glasses?" or "Oh, for real, you're gonna date that guy after his courting process was just showing up at your home and place of work after you repeatedly asked him to leave you alone?" (So my favorite movie as a teen was She's All That, so what?) Anyway, what I'm saying is that "Summer Girls" doesn't hold up. Not even a little bit. And here, my friends, is the proof.

"New Kids On The Block Had A Bunch Of Hits / Chinese Foods Makes Me Sick"

Oh uh-huh, two completely related thoughts? Tell me more.

"Hip Hop Marmalade / Spic And Span"

Are we free-associating? I wanna play! "Pop music jelly beans very clean kitchen." Did I do it? Can I put out a CD?

"When You Take A Sip You Buzz Like A Hornet / Billy Shakespeare Wrote A Whole Bunch Of Sonnets"

No, nope, try again. Not only does this not make sense, but it isn't even a rhyme unless you say "sornet." Start over, try again, do not collect $200.

"Stayed All Summer Then Went Back Home / Macaulay Culkin Was In Home Alone"

Can't argue with your fact-finding mission, but why are you bringing this up now?

"Cherry Pez, Cold Crush, Rock Star Boogie / Used To Hate School So I Had To Play Hookie"

No shade, but reading these lyrics makes me wish you'd spent a little more time in the classroom.

"You Love Hip Hop And Rock And Roll / Dad Took Off When You Were 4-Years Old"

Very cool, thanks for bringing that up now.

"There Was A Good Man Named Paul Revere / I Feel Much Better Baby When You're Near"