Brother's life honored with Día de los Muertos

Comentario: No two people mourn the same way.

Tricia Schwennesen

Published 6:00 pm, Wednesday, October 27, 2010

No two people mourn the same way.

Some people make weekly trips to a cemetery, cleaning the headstones, freshening the flowers and trimming the weeds in a plot. Others may wear a special locket with a curl of hair and a cherished photo inside. For some, a memorial tattoo can mean keeping a portrait or special saying close to one's heart forever.

After I lost my youngest brother Todd to brain cancer in 2008 I wanted to find a way to honor his spirit and celebrate his life.

I found what I was looking for in a cultural tradition my family did not practice - Día de los Muertos. More specifically, I took comfort in building an ofrende to honor him.

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Todd was 25, tall and handsome - in the prime of his life. He earned his place as jokester in my family, was an accomplished athlete playing both basketball and volleyball and also one of the most compassionate people I know.

While fighting his own cancer battle he'd take pizza to the nurses at his chemotherapy center and he also started a teddy bear drive for children younger than himself fighting the same devastating disease. He wanted nothing more than to comfort them.

After his death, my sister and I got matching tattoos, we both found lockets to wear. I've hung on to a pair of his basketball shorts and all the photos I could find. She has done the same.

But it wasn't enough.

Building an altar took a little research first. I went on-line and found helpful illustrations for both a traditional and a contemporary altar at http://www.az?central.com/ent/dead/.

Then I wanted to learn the history of the occasion.

What I learned is that it's a pre-historic Aztec tradition that today has been influenced by the Catholicism brought to Mexico by the Spaniards.

Author Mary J. Andrade, at the website www.dayof?thedead.com, writes ".?.?. the celebration comes to life as an unique Mexican tradition including an altar and offerings dedicated to the deceased."

The altars I had seen in the past included photos, candles and food. But why, I wondered.

Andrade explains the altars should include items that represent the four elements of nature - earth, wind, water and fire.

She explains on her website: Earth is represented by a crop. Mexicans believe the souls are fed by the aroma of food.

Wind is represented by a moving object. Tissue paper is commonly used to represent wind.

Water is placed in a container for the soul to quench its thirst after the long journey to the altar.

Fire is represented by a wax candle. Each lit candle represents a soul, and an extra one is placed for the forgotten soul.

As my understanding of the tradition grew so did my excitement. Finally I had found a way to celebrate his life, to honor the good, the joyous and to invite his spirit to visit my home and my heart.

I set about gathering the items, papel picado to catch the wind, my favorite photo of him in a goofy hat surrounded by summer campers and a small bowl for his favorite gummy bears, not quite food but a treat he loved.

I added photos of my deceased grandparents and a close high school friend who passed in 2002, a vase of marigolds and a glass of water to quench his spirit's thirst. I added some tin ornaments as decoration and a statue of the Virgin Mary in honor of Todd's unwavering faith. I know he is in a better place.

It was therapeutic to organize the elements just so.

I claimed a cultural tradition and in doing so learned I can celebrate his life and remember the good times instead of always mourning his absence in my life.

Editor's note:Tricia Schwennesen is the editor of Conexión. This is the first of an occasional column.