Archive for the Olsen Twins Category

For some reason telling girls, especially sisters that you meet in a bar, that you have an incest fetish thanks to growing up on 70s porn that had a serious incest theme constantly pop up, and that you’ve always wanted to have group sex with siblings, or mother daughters because there’s something so good about it…always makes you come across as some demented freak, because people like to hate before embracing..because part of me thinks that deep down in their core you can tell they are intrigued with the idea…

That said, twins fucking isn’t even incest, it’s masturbation…

Anyway, Mary Kate and Ashley are in Vouge and these are the unsexy pics.

Here’s some shitty commercial for some olsen twins project that is bound to make their billionaire asses more billions….I like how they included some footage of even if just a few seconds of them in demim shorts dirty dancing and posing together, it works for anyone who has had a twin fetish, even if like me, they never thought much of the Olsen Twin hustle, cuz they just were never all that hot…no matter how much hype surrounded them….

I hate animal rights activists. You know instead of protesting people who are hating on fur, because they are jealous those people can afford fur, since the beginning of time, fur was considered to be a sign of status. You know, Kings would wear lion manes and other exotic animal furs brought to them as gifts from explorers and other kingdoms.

I met a king once, while not really a king, but a guy who would be trap mice, rats and squirrels, to skin and sew together into blankets and clothing, so he too could stay warm, like the royalty only a lot worse smelling. He was a homeless dude who used to hunt city animals in parks and suburban areas, because he didn’t want to be one of those 9 to 5 assholes who conformed to society, but instead chose to fend for himself and be self sufficient in the urban wilderness without needing much money. He invited me to his really disgusting shanty under the bridge once, and hanging from the walls were the furs of various animals drying, I’m talking shit he hunted or found, like rats, squirrels, cats, skunks and various animal meats being turned into some kind of jerky for him to eat during the cold winter months. Like an Indian (feather not dot), he’d use all their parts, the meat for food, the bones for arts and crafts and tools, the fur for warmth, and while feeling that I walked into a shitty horror movie, or a time of yesteryear, he took me over to the clothes he made, and it was fuckin disgusting patchy and dirty animals you would try not to get near because of rabies turned into disgusting pieces of clothing you wouldn’t want to go near because it was disgusting….but yeah, these Peta people seriously need something better to do, who cares what people are wearing, sure we all like animals, but it is survival of the fuckin’ fittest, and if you can afford good fur, you should be able to buy it, and if you can’t you should not take my homeless friends lead, because it was disgusting and probably unsanitary, but you should definitely not waste your time being jealous of people who can afford it because you looks like a total asshole…..

I guess these people don’t like the Olsen Twins because if they did I am sure they’d find better ways to spend their time and retract their publicity stunt to draw attention to the fact that the Olsen’s are down with fur, because it’s such a luxurious fabric for outerwear, underwear and even as blankets at your country hunting lodge. Sure the animals are skinned alive, and it’s a horribly cruel process to make a pelt, but it’s just a small price to pay for style, comfort and warmth.

These hippy motherfuckers need to chill the fuck out and worry about their vitamin B12 deficiency and their unshaved fur in their underwear, and maybe they could get a job, so that they don’t waste all of our time doing silly stunts during a work day, stalking the Olsen’s with messages that won’t change anything in their billionaire lives.

So while Mary Kate is out on drugs and Ashley is running their empire and the rest of us are sitting around in our underwear, struggling, these Peta motherfuckers are out making fools of themselves all in defense of their wrongfully treated animals. I know that these fuckers are just posers and don’t actually care. They just identify with a cause because it gives them a purpose, and they become obsessed with that cause, because it makes them feel like they are sincere, when in reality they’re forwarding these pictures to their family and friends to prove how committed they are because even their family and friends theink they are full of shit.

Don’t get me wrong, I love animals, I hate the idea of them getting hurt, because they are helpless and never really wrong humans, but I don’t really think about how cute they are when I am sitting down for a juicy burger, and no, I’m not referencing my wife’s pussy, even though it secretes brownish oily substances that smells like beef, because I never sit down and eat it. I mean an actual burger made from a slaughtered animal filling my belly proper.

I hate FunnyOrDie, but like their mantra, but hate that they don’t enforce it. I hate sending these cocksuckers traffic, even if it is just 12 of you and the only reason I am posting this is because someone I know put it up and it’s some video of Gilbert Gottfried at Bob Saget’s roast that could be exclusive or was yesterday and he’s telling an Olsen Twin getting raped joke. I am sick with a cold and figured you’d wanna hear it if you haven’t already.

I hate FunnyOrDie, but like their mantra, but hate that they don’t enforce it. I hate sending these cocksuckers traffic, even if it is just 12 of you and the only reason I am posting this is because someone I know put it up and it’s some video of Gilbert Gottfried at Bob Saget’s roast that could be exclusive or was yesterday and he’s telling an Olsen Twin getting raped joke. I am sick with a cold and figured you’d wanna hear it if you haven’t already.

I have my own variation of this joke for my stand-up routine that I do in the park for my homies, but I usually like to use props like I was Carrot Top because it makes it more believable and that always seems to get me in trouble with the parents, thety always press charges and can never take a joke.

Here’s a clip o Mary Kate Olsen on the show Weeds telling some dude that she can see his boner and it reminds me of a time when I used to get boners. I have really only been unable to get it up for a couple of years now and I do get the random semi every once in a while but maybe I am just desensitized or something and looking at my fat wife naked is enough for anyone’s brain to go into defense mode so that I don’t ever make the mistake of fucking her.

There was a time when I was a teenager when drinking a couple of beers would get me hard. If I smoked a joint I’d get hard. If I took the bus to school I’d get hard. If I watched girls in bikinis I’d get hard. If I saw a girl in short I’d get hard. If I held hand with a girl I’d get hard. If I saw porn I’d get hard. When I went to the strip club I’d get hard just being there. If my friend’s mom was doing the dishes I’d get hard. If my English Teacher was writing on the board I’d get hard. Watching the girls in my calls play volleyball would get me hard. If I was alone with a chick for more than a minute I’d get hard. It was a constant erection that was tucked behind my belt. Luckily, my dick has always been so small that I never got busted or outed by anyone for having wood. I could do a class presentation in a pair of sweat pants rocking full bone and no one would fucking notice…that wasn’t such a good thing later in life when all I could offer girls was bad sex they didn’t feel, but it was a blessing when I was 15.

Jesus is having issues right now, obviously. So you get to suffer through my thoughts/life until his dick/computer is fixed…

I am hauling ass to Brooklyn tonight to bar hop with my friend “Shanna” while she’s in town. Shanna and I made out once in community college, and since you whip it out every time a Girls Gone Wild commercial comes on, here’s how this went down.

We were at a party and our boyfriends ‘dared’ us to kiss like we were 6 and in the sandbox. Now as a hooker, I did one threesome with two guys once, one threesome with me and another hooker once, and was paid to get down and nasty with that same hooker in front of a bunch of suits as some sort of office bonding experience. I don’t get off on sliding around with girls, it’s just a lot of work and I already have the same parts. I also just hated threesomes in general and refused to do either combo again after the first time: two guys is really just homo, two girls gets so competitive.

But back to the story. I agreed to kiss Shanna since she seemed really excited and we had already seen each other naked before, so whatever. But mostly I did it because my ex-boyfriend was there with his new doberman-faced cunt, and all the hype drew a crowd, and he naturally followed. I wanted to make this fucker’s balls turn blue because he dumped my ass for this fat upstate slag that lived in his dorm, so he wouldn’t have to trek a mile to my place in the snow for sex. So I full throttle sexually assaulted Shanna, and we went at it for around 4 minutes, sucking face, grabbing ass, taking off each other’s shirts, cupping each other’s breasts under the bra, giving the audience just a peak, licking, etc.

Afterwards, Shanna and I complimented one another on the suppleness of our tits and lips. Our boyfriends were satisfied. Most importantly, I walked up to the ex and asked if he had enjoyed the show, he kind of stammered and walked away, trying to hide his raging erection. The ex, his hard on, and his bitch left immediately after that. At least I know that when he fucked his slut later, he was thinking about me. I win.

Here is MK and Ashley Olsen at the airport doing what they do best: looking skinny, electrocuted, homeless, and semi see-through. You know the thought of these two getting it on together used to turn you on because the only thing better than girl on girl is twin on twin. But they are doing there best to kill your dreams by looking like they rode in the baggage compartment. Try and masterbate. You can do it. The end.

So my crack internet investigation team that include my 2 stepdaughters, a few ex hookers and a couple of the dudes from the park who are on welfare and drunk or medicated all the time have come across these pictures of Marie Kate and Ashley Olsen partying for some chick named Nora’s birthday. Now I don’t know much about Nora but she is in the L.A. socialite circle of girls who have really rich parents. I am talking girls who’s parents are record execs, studio execs, actors and whatever else they fucking do. They are the socialites that Paris Hilton was a part of before becoming the slut that she is today. They are relatively low key, have lots of money, go to parties and nice restaurants but no one really cares about them because they don’t suck dick on camera and go to all the major events but are still out there.

I was talking to one of them on Facebook a while ago, because she’s trying to be a hipster DJ photographer. Her dad works for a record label and all her friends are models that you would know. She was the biggest fucking cunt I’ve come across because I guess most rich girls are. She is dating the dude in Maroon 5, not the main guy but the guitar or bass player and bitch thinks she’s untouchable and owns the fucking world because of who daddy is. I still made fun of her and made her never want to talk to me again. I wish I remember what I wrote to her but I forgot everything today because I saw 2 redheads making out and it tripped me the fuck out….like I’m talking pure orange haired freaks going at it….at first I thought they were brother and sister then I realized they weren’t…..when his tongues was jammed in her mouth….

Either way, it’s safe to say that these socialite rich girls are just as fucking delusional as Paris just not as famous. Either way, the Olsen Twins were at their party and here are the pictures….

So my crack internet investigation team that include my 2 stepdaughters, a few ex hookers and a couple of the dudes from the park who are on welfare and drunk or medicated all the time have come across these pictures of Marie Kate and Ashley Olsen partying for some chick named Nora’s birthday. Now I don’t know much about Nora but she is in the L.A. socialite circle of girls who have really rich parents. I am talking girls who’s parents are record execs, studio execs, actors and whatever else they fucking do. They are the socialites that Paris Hilton was a part of before becoming the slut that she is today. They are relatively low key, have lots of money, go to parties and nice restaurants but no one really cares about them because they don’t suck dick on camera and go to all the major events but are still out there.

I was talking to one of them on Facebook a while ago, because she’s trying to be a hipster DJ photographer. Her dad works for a record label and all her friends are models that you would know. She was the biggest fucking cunt I’ve come across because I guess most rich girls are. She is dating the dude in Maroon 5, not the main guy but the guitar or bass player and bitch thinks she’s untouchable and owns the fucking world because of who daddy is. I still made fun of her and made her never want to talk to me again. I wish I remember what I wrote to her but I forgot everything today because I saw 2 redheads making out and it tripped me the fuck out….like I’m talking pure orange haired freaks going at it….at first I thought they were brother and sister then I realized they weren’t…..when his tongues was jammed in her mouth….

Either way, it’s safe to say that these socialite rich girls are just as fucking delusional as Paris just not as famous. Either way, the Olsen Twins were at their party and here are the pictures….

All you hipster cocaine huffin’ 18 year old eating disorder trash, love this bitch. I don’t know how many times I hang with a certain gay black jewish local celebrity and hear her name dropped. It’s like anytime a girl can’t fit into a pair of size 2’s or anytime a bitch can’t rail the last line because of a nosebleed, MK’s name gets dropped. There are even MK impersonators out there, some in your very own town. Here’s another golden globe post, go fuck yourself.