Thursday, August 27, 2015

Laughter Echoes From the Grave ...

Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny as a young, beautiful woman who never took happiness for granted.

Ha! Ha! Ha! Did I hear an echo of laughter from the other side? It came from nowhere that I can see ... I looked carefully.

I just got kicked in the teeth by someone I was told not to trust. My Grandma Alma told me not to trust that person. What happens? Through time ... be damned if she wasn't right! How did she know? I thought I heard laughter ... from the grave!

My first cousin told me that I had the wrong impression of someone who used to be in our family ... I thought that person was truly good, and had loved her all through the years. My cousin tried to warn me by saying, "Gloria, she's not what you think she is". I would just nod my head showing I heard her. I never wanted to argue. I felt sorry for that person ... she only showed me her 'good' side.

My first cousin got killed in a freak accident. A log truck hit her head-on. She didn't get to tell me more about the person she told me wasn't who I thought she was. She didn't have to ... I began connecting the dots. Oh, how right she was! Ha! Ha! Ha! Did I hear an echo of laughter? Did it serve my ass right?

Another first cousin told me about another family member saying don't ever trust that person. She's the wicked witch of the west. She'll sweeten you up for the kill, stab you in the back ... eat you! She'll try to find all your weaknesses, cut your legs out from under you. Well ... I never trusted that far to find out ... never will. I never heard an echo ... none at all. I pray he rests in peace.

He's not the sweet, good person you think he is. He's been in your family for years, and you think he's so good. He's really mean, ugly to your ........ he does things he shouldn't ... has, throughout the years. Why he even went with your .......... 's girlfriends! and ex-wife! Disbelief ... I learned by seeing, listening to the 'horse's mouth'.

Yes, he did all those things, and more. Did I hear his laughter from the grave ... do I hear the words, "I fooled you, bitch"! I hope not ... I always gave respect, geniune love that might not have been deserved ... then again, that person treated me very good.

At one time in my life he made possible for me to have a home to come to as a young woman. I was, and have always been grateful. He never treated me out of the way ... never. So, for the person I thought he was ... I've never regretted loving, respecting him.

He always treated me good ... until at the last. The last several years of his life ... when I actually saw, heard from his own mouth ... him dating and asking one of my ............'s girlfriends, and ex-wife to marry him. The reason he wanted me not to see, hear, be around was ... he saw his actions broke my Heart.

He actually told me things ... he was embarrassed but, he had new-found freedom ... I sat, listened quietly ... not letting the pain, grief, disappointment show. Somebody was right before they died ... I don't hear laughter from ... her grave. I only feel sadness.

I can't tell you the grief in my Heart for so many close family members who have died ... all in just a matter of maybe 8-10 years ... some dying close together... not only on my mother's side of the family ... on my father's side, also. That's not counting some of our Pups we used to have, love with our Hearts. That's not counting the friends we truly loved, cared about.

I truly loved, cared about every one of these people who died ... as a child. I even loved them after being mistreated by some of them ... I grieved for them after each died. Strange enough ... the ones I loved most ... as a child ... have died. The very shaky foundation my young life was built on ... pure crumbled.

There are some family members living today ... I loved them with my Heart as a child ... in adult life ... we'll never see nor be a part of each other's lives. It's the natural 'hate thing ... natural distrust' we all inherited in our make-ups. Love is there ... but, there's no way anyone would, could know it.

I have a brother I love who lives not 5 miles away ... I'll never talk to, see him again in his/my life. I have another brother ... same thing. Isn't life sad? There's no way it can happen. No love, but love-hate ... no trust ... no foundation to meet on ... all crumbled away with time. Family members being jealous, or in-laws ... separation as children, not growing up together ... no bonds to hang onto. The young, tender bonds were snapped, stretched through time when growing up apart ... when they broke, that was it.

Life is sad ... this said ... I will say I love each one in my Heart ... I have already accepted such some time ago ... I've coped with it ... and let go. It's all one can do ... I can't just ... lay down and die because I can't have family relationships ... of course ... I wouldn't. I've come too far, coped with too much to ... just give up. I have my Grandma Alma's fighting spirit ... it isn't there 'for nothing'.

I must have some purpose in life ... though I've never figured it out all these years. Only once did I 'figure out why' ... when I survived cancer. That was when I began getting recovering from cancer.

Skip was diagnosed with cancer in the 3rd year I was beginning to grow stronger ... I 'knew' it was for me to care for him just as he did me ... he could see I was recovering from being near the edge of death ... and he could do the same. I remember telling him right in the oncologist's office after she told him ... 'now, I know 'why' I made it.

I should have died 16 years ago with non-Hodgkins lymphoma. Skip had colon cancer ... he is a 14 year cancer surviver ... colon cancer. We survived ... cancer.

Do you know what was most strange about those years of fighting for my life? Not one family member ... ever knew or acknowledged how sick I was. They would drive right by the house we lived in ... if Skip happened to have me outside on the porch ... they would wave cheerfully, never missing a beat. No one ever stopped, nor called.

I am amazed thinking back at that. My mother would care sometimes ... then, her youngest sister would make her think I wasn't sick. Jealousy ... pure jealousy. Her youngest sister always was jealous of any of her sisters' children. Her tongue was her weapon ... mean, evil words came from her mouth ... yet ... she could say loving words, caring words that would melt my Heart.

She wanted her sisters to always have their attention on them. The good thing is I wasn't aware of this until several years later. My mother said her youngest sister would always call me 'The Queen'.I never became angry ... I could only feel deep sadness. I still loved her. I wanted her to love me, too. She secretly hated me, was jealous of me. I won't even go into things she did to hurt me, then pretend she never meant to. I wasn't the only daughter she did that to ...of her sisters' children.

I could keep on writing as more memories float to the surface like bubbles in the ocean. My writing begins to go on this path, that path in my life through time. I will stop here.

Sometimes, when I learn something in life ... or find out something it seems everyone knew but me ... I wonder if I hear echoes of laughter. Echoes of laughter fromt the graves of my ... loved ones.

Grief, pain are old friends of mine ... I don't think I ever knew life without them after the age of nine. They were all I had to hold onto ... happiness were those brief times of sunshine in my life.

Happiness was something I always felt wasn't meant for me ... I used to think I wasn't good enough, important enough. I never take happiness for granted. I enjoy it for all it's worth when it happens in my life. :) It's sort of like when being a little girl ... I knew Barbie Dolls were for other little girls ... I knew somehow, they were never meant for me. I, also, knew that other little girls could be in the Brownies ... it wasn't meant for me to. I knew I wasn't good enough.

It's a good thing we grow up ... cope with painful things in life ... learn to live, handle all. I think I did well. :) That's why when I was beautiful in my younger life ... it meant the world to me ... I was 'good enough' for ... everything. I had everything and everybody liked, wanted me. Isn't life sad?

People love material things ... and if they think they can get something from someone ... they will grovel at their feet. Just watch beautiful, 'rich' people ... just watch yourself ... you will find that you do the same thing. Life is life ... it is what it is. You might not like it ... but, it's the way humans are.

Oh ... I wonder if I hear echoes of laughter from the graves of my loved ones? I remember being told as a beautiful, young lady I used to be told ... 'don't get so high up ... the higher you go ... the harder you fall'. I fell hard ... Ha! Ha! Ha!

1 comment:

I have told people to be nice to others on your way up because you are going to meet them again coming down. Some people are what I call "snooty". They think they are better than others and wouldn't give people the time of the day. That is ok. It is sad that a family memeber is jealous of another family memeber. Wonder what makes people like that? I have never been jealous of anyone in the family. I am always happy for them if they can do or get better. One thing for sure---------we can not take anything with us when we leave this world. So why wish anything bad on anyone? Love, Ms. Nancy

My Mother, Daisy Earlene

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Camie (Precious Camo) https://facebook.com/camocameobates

This is the Puppy I rescued... slowly she is getting well... she was dying on a cold, wet ground

My Grandson, Taban

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My Grandson, Taban (Spy)

This is 'why' I'm called Granny Gee

Granny Gee's Grandson, Taban... Tommy's Son

This is 'why' I'm called Granny Gee

My Grandson, Taban... Tommy's Son

This is 'why' I'm called Granny Gee

CAMIE... Precious Camo

Come follow Camie's journey as her little body heals ... I rescued her from death's door... where she lay on the cold, wet ground... dying.

This little Puppy has been on the most painful path in her life. Her skin has been one 'open sore' on her whole body.

With everyone's help with prayers, donations... Camie is slowly getting well. She has suffered so much. She doesn't have to, now... not when she has 'all of us'...

Thank-you from my very Heart for you continuous donations... for your healing prayers, thoughts.

You can call, donate at her veterinarian in Louisburg, NC if you'd like. They will put the money directly on her account, deduct it as Camie goes each week for her injection, any medical treatment needed.

By the way... the staff, veterinarian... Dr. David Fontenot... are animal lovers... good people. We love them.

Here's the info to donate at (please don't feel obligated to... we will take care of Camie the best way we can... thank-you if you do!):

Author of ... I CRY FOR TOMMY and When She's Good... She's Good

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Gloria Faye Brown Bates...Author

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Grief Is Like This...

To those of you who have never lost a child, remember this... grief doesn't just 'stop'. It may ease off for a while, only to come back full-force. It may come back softly... no one can predict grief, nor can they predict the severity of it.

When I write about grief, I welcome you to come to 'see'... without actually having to experience it in your life. Come quietly, read... and go on with your life. Love your children with your heart... I pray that you never lose one to know ... personally what I write about.

See... reading about 'my grief'... can make you treasure your children who are here, whom you love with your very heart.

Leave my blog, and love your children... more... while you have your chance. My chance is... gone. My son has died... he is here no more... my chance to love him more is 'forever' gone... yours, isn't.

Thankfully, I told my son I loved him always... that has been my only comfort through this time.

My blog is about grief for the loss of my child... it will always be just that... no matter how happy I am, or what I write about.

I will come here to write about grief as it happens. You don't even have to leave a comment... just slip in, read quietly, leave and go about your life; go out of your way to let your children know how you treasure them.

Don't worry about me... I've known pain all my life... I will do like always... I will face it 'head-on'... I might cry a lot, but... I will continue getting back up. Do you know why? Because, no matter what, I still believe somehow... everything will be alright.

Just remember, when you visit my blog... no matter what I write, or feel... this blog is about pure grief, about the loss of my son, Tommy.

Grief is sure to come most unexpectedly ... like the waves the sea tosses upon the sand... sometimes, crashing violently... sometimes, in a gentle way.

All it takes is a memory, a scent, seeing someone who looks like... I am like the sand, always changing with the tides, but... always there... as the waves of grief wash over me.

Sometimes, I can let go, be happy, all will be normal again... until a storm comes up in the ocean, sending big waves my way. The sun will be hidden by the gray sky, taking my happiness away... I begin ... all over again, and ... again.

I keep smiling through my tears. Everything will be alright... again... until the next time. Grief is like this...

Granny Gee's Life...The Colors of My Life

The happy colors in my life are my husband, Skip and our Pups. On May 29, 2010... my only child, my son Tommy died. I became lost in life on a long, dark path on my journey looking for sunshine again. I almost never came back.. Skip wouldn't let me go. He is my hero, my best friend, my world. I love you my husband.

Artwork by Gloria ... in memory of Tommy

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My Son, Tommy's Last Photo... May 29, 2010

Tommy collapsed just a short time after they arrived at Myrtle Beach while playing with Taban...

Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

I gave Tommy gold nugget (my class ring)... he wore until the moment he went to heaven...May 29, 2010

My Handsome Son, Tommy

I Miss You, Son.... I'll Never Forget You

'Bottle Of Light'... This soothes, comforts me...

I love this photo, I wanted it here... twice

My Son, Tommy, has gone to Heaven now...

I am lucky to have photos of Tommy, us. We lost all in a house fire December 2004. I had a huge suitcase of photos upstairs that were damaged by water, and fire. So, if you see imperfections in my photos... it's because of that.

Tommy walked into Heaven on May 29, 2010 from the sand at Myrtle Beach. He was doing something he'd been looking so forward to doing.... playing his first time at the beach with his little 3 year old son, Taban.

I'll never forget him standing on the deck the evening before, smiling his big, happy 'Tommy' smile, saying he was looking forward to playing with his son for the first time, at the beach.

Tommy had changed his mind, no one knew 'why'.... to not going with the family to Myrtle Beach... to going. It was his last trip... his first, last time to play with Taban, his little son.

They were running, squealing with joy, laughing ...Tommy was sending me photos on his cellphone to my computer back home. His fingers slipped off the video ... he collapsed there on the sand.

The phone rung, the caller ID showed Tommy was calling! I answered it, my mind became confused as I realized it wasn't Tommy, but.. a strange man's voice saying.... 'I have a man lying here on the beach, he's not breathing'!

My life forever changed ... he was my only child whom I loved with my very heart. Tommy had 2 blockages in his heart... no one knew... he was only 40 years old.

I am keeping my son's memory alive, my memory alive for my grandchildren... Taban and McKenzie. I don't have family left who can do that for me. I sit and write my life's stories, my thoughts here ....everyday. I will write until the day ... I die. Tommy nor I, nor Skip ... our Pups ... will ever be forgotten. I hope my grandchildren will one day read this to know... that we loved them, I loved them.... that they were indeed ... thought of .... often.

You will see a mother who has fought her way back from a very dark place to be here now. You will see a mother's real grief here and how she learns from all that's happened in her life. I will write here how grief happens 'out of the blue'... let you know how it feels as it happens. I pray that you never lose a child to know personally how it feels. It's unlike anything you've ever experienced.

I would like to grow older gracefully, not old...mean, bitter or angry. I love the light of the sunshine warming my heart and soul... not letting any dark places remain there.

I can 'see' now on my life's path... I want to live. The light on my path shows me exactly where to go... it used to be so cold, dark... I was a lost soul for over 2 years.

You, my readers... friends... family mean the world to me. Each day I look forward to talking to you, you talking to me.

Thank you for being here for me.

Love, Granny Gee / aka Gloria Faye Brown Bates :)))

My Handsome Son...

Tommy...

Tommy ... My Precious Son

Lucky To Have Photos... They Survived House Fire... Dec. 2004

My Son and I...

Gloria and Tommy...

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gloriapaintsat@yahoo.com

Taban and McKenzie...

My Only Grandchildren...

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COLORS OF MY LIFE... ME, GRANNY GEE

I love colors... sunshine colors of yellow and goldColors that I can see, holdHappy colors of pink, blue and greenColors of all kinds, almost every color I've ever seenThey lift me up, they pull me downI look for happy colors all aroundDark colors can be very sadBright colors can make me so gladTo be alive, to be able to walkTo see, to be able to talkI'm so thankful for all I have in my lifeOur special pups, and to be Skip's wifeColors, colors, colors of every kindLife stories they are, stories that are... mine.

Special Gift of 4 Books Made For Me From My Friend, Mezza Mary McGee

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Granny Gee/Gloria

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Tommy and Gloria

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Tommy

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Tommy

My Precious Son...

Tommy, My Precious Son

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Photo taken when he was meeting his daughter, McKenzie

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Skip & Gloria...1983...St. Augustine, Florida

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Five Years Old... Precious...

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Gloria/Granny Gee 2012

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Skip and Kissy Fairchild

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