Kirket-Shirket haay rabba

The T.V. series ‘Heroes’ got it spot on when it urged people to Save the cheerleader. I say to Mallya – go one step forward and bring back the cheerleaders to Mumbai. Just can’t seem to get enough 🙂

SRK had said that if the Bongla Knight Riders screwed up, all he’ll need to do is dance in a few more marriages. Well …. mwuhhuhhaahaaaah *evil laughter*

Mumbai need to realise that Nehra has bowled his best, and should be dropped before he gets back to sucking and bowling low full tosses. They also need to realise that one cannot spread the cheer by having boys-who-look-girly gyrating to arbit songs.

(Ed: Nehra’s Man of the Match performance vs Jaipur notwithstanding, I still think he has been a bad buy)

Rajasthan is owned by the son of Rupert Murdoch, apparently. Smart people, these Murdochs.

(Ed: Jaipooriyans no match for Mumbaikars though!)

Chennai has all the batsmen money could buy, leaving no money to buy bowlers.

Delhi are nothing without Virender She-wag, Gambeer and Daa-won. McGrath is still a cut above everyone else.

The Deccan Chargers are like the Indian cricket team of 2001-02. Lots of stars, pathetic team overall. Rohit Sharma is truly magnificient – the best thing to come out of this whole IPL megashow. I still can’t comprehend why Mumbai didn’t pick him. Laxman’s renouncement of icon status proved to be Deccan’s stumbling block – you can’t but reward such a ‘noble’ gesture. But what this effectively means is that Laxman is a permanent fixture. And why they insist(ed) on picking Venugopal Rao is totally unfathomable.

Mohali KXP need to shield their players from Preity Zinta lest she satisfy her urge to bearhug everyone like one would coddle with a puppy. And Sreesanth needs to go and find his balls before bowling any – seriously? crying? And that too on Zinta’s arms?! And what’s this I hear about the junior players being shifted from a 5-star hotel to a local place to accomodate Preity’s friends? :O. Their cheerleaders are nice, though.

Almost forgot the Bengalurus (cricketers, that is)- probably because they are quite forgettable. The fact that Wasim Jaffer is one of their leading run scorers should be sufficient indication towards the misplaced ideas of Rahul Dravid. The story goes, that Mallya was congratulated by family and (girl)friends on assembling an awesome team, and was reminded that Twenty20 means that the entire team gets to play 20 overs, not 20 overs-per-player. On telling this to Dravid, Da’ Wall replied – “Anyone who can master test cricket can play in any format of the game. Twenty20 is all Moh-maaya. Pass the rasam.” Must mention that Katrina looks very pretty in Bangalore Red – it’s only the prospect of her coming on screen that makes me hope that Dravid slogs one over extra cover.

And lastly the most prominent aspect of the IPL coverage – the commentary! You aren’t allowed to say sixes – you have to say DLF Maximum Sixes, even if the ball barely clears the boundary. Every six is a contender for some DLF Super sixes contest which nobody really bothers to explain. When Sehwag hits a six, the commentator (Robin Jackman I think) goes – ” That’s the hundreth six of the … no wait … the sixth hundred of the … <blank>”.

The baap of all commentary gaffes / gems (depending on your PoV) has to be the wacky Paki Rameez Raja who can’t stop fantasizing about how bandied Mohd Asif is as part of his injury recovery. That is of course before he starts admiring Dwayne Bravo’s Complete Package. He doesn’t shy away from making up words when he says ‘XYZ is unorthodoxily built’. He greets Shoaib Malik’s boundary with this absolute gem – “He’s slapped one thorugh the offside… (pause) …of late I shouldn’t be saying that, slap has become controversial. He’s hit it hard through the offside.”

Arun Lal cannot make up his mind about which cliche to use, and ends up uttering the most arbit word combinations ever – “The Royal Challengers are doddering along like a dodo”.

Ravi Shastri elaborates on the enigma called Afridi who has been a teenager almost all his life until now, when suddenly the scorer says he’s 28! – “He made [the fastest ODI] 100 when he was 16 and then was in his teens for quite a while ”

And (I shit you not) Ranjit Fernando puts the icing on the foot-in-mouth cake when he says – “The Chennai bench looks very relaxed … blah blah blah …. they haven’t been pregnant for some time”.

Well, some one better do something to rectify that. After all, as the spot boy- turned leg spinner- turned commentator L. Sivaramakrishnan says – “it is a hard man’s game – that is why it’s a profession.”

I’m loving it 🙂

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nice post…this DLF six and citi moment of success remind me of those sponsored ‘chauka’s on radio commentary. The most ridiculous advertising is when they show commentators drinkin pepsi and some dumb remark about pepsi…