Rrrrrrrrrr

I’ve caught him out lying twice today. The beatings weren’t intense or mark-leaving, but they were symbolic and aggressive.

He also has had to be harshly reminded repeatedly before he says things that he is to tell me the truth and I have to keep grilling him to see if/what I can catch him in next.

I’m pretty sure there is a certain exchange that he lied to me during a short bit ago, but I had no way to really catch him out at the moment so I’m biding my time, watching and waiting. I warned him that it was not in his best interest in the long-run for him to be lying right then again. He expressed understanding and that he was not lying. We shall see.

Even then I don’t believe a word, but I’m doing what I can to keep my boundaries in place now knowing the situation. Things are very, very different in this household now between us.

He did make the therapy appointment as I told him. It is Thursday.

I got ahold of Scott & White Hospital about my incision that has been wonky and that I needed to reschedule the bariatric checkup that I missed due to the emergency surgery. That’s Friday.

I also called the Temple VA – it took me all day to get them to answer… how the fuck is an entire hospital not answering phones? – and let them know that I needed a meds appointment and a therapy appointment. I figure in addition to keeping Chael’s ass in line during his therapy I could use somewhere private for help to deal with this in the details I don’t want to make public here.

The VA asked me who my meds doc was. I had to think about it (and wondered why they were asking as shouldn’t that be in the computer?) and came up with what I thought was the name. They then checked the computer (wtf? Why, again if they could do that, didn’t they in the first place?) and said, no, that wasn’t my meds doctor and that I already had an appointment with some other doctor for it… 1) Never heard of this doctor, and 2) Apparently this appointment was made between my last visit to the VA when they told me they had absolutely nothing in the system for me and now. Okay.

But, I did not argue as I’d been wanting a new doc anyways as the last one I had a single meeting with and thought he was an idiot. Seriously, the stuff he was asking me I was answering with mental eye rolling and asking myself “what are you, a first year psych student? This is all the most basic stuff ever and all in my records anyways that I see pulled up on your computer right there!”. So yeah, yay, new doctor.

However, this does me no good regarding current alterations in meds support. The next meds meeting won’t be until mid March.

Sigh.

They didn’t have any notes in their system at all about my two recent requests for a therapist there. The one that the gynecologist referred me for and they called me about to make the appointment and when I got there they had no record of an appointment nor of my ever being called about it. Then, when that news was given to me I requested to be put in for one again and they said they’d do so… and that one disappeared, too, as I’d not heard anything back as of today and when I called about it again they had no record of my previous request in system. So I asked about a specific psychologist I know that works there that I’ve dealt with before and he’s really great, cares about his patients, is very direct without being mean, knows what he’s talking about on things… I like him. Good doctor, so I was glad that when I asked about him they said he was still working there. I specifically asked to be put in as a request for him, they gave me the standard answer of the therapists doing their own schedule and they’d get back to me whenever the therapist gave them word of an opening. This I’ve been told every time I’ve ever made a therapy appointment can take a couple weeks to even get word from the psychologist… then longer until the appointment itself.

About an hour later that doc calls me himself and asks me how I’m doing and if we could get me in in the next couple weeks. I talked vagueness with him about things and we scheduled me for Feb 8th. Too far out for my liking, but I can always call and speak to him directly if I need to whenever during the day and if it’s needed he’ll move me up quick.

(long break in time while I went and had an artichoke and watched Ghostbusters with Chael)

So… It’s been a day.

Jonesy has been getting massive amounts of treats the past couple days. He keeps going up to Chael and demanding them… he won’t shut up until he gets something. Even I’ve cracked a couple times and given him snacky-snacks.

My mood swings a lot. If I’m keeping totally distracted like Ghostbusters mostly did or when I’m intensely reading, I feel pretty normal. Then on the opposite side of the spectrum I either am terribly angry or crying.

Most of the time I’m somewhere in between.

Being productive, getting through life as I can.

The Lortab is no longer helping me to sleep and I’m not going to risk keeping upping the dosage… that’s just a good way to addiction or hospital visits. I was on Ambien years ago and it worked well for a while until I adjusted to it. Chael has offered to me to try one of his to see if it’ll work again for me.

In absence of immediate VA help, I’m left to my own devices still. Luckily I’ve been taking all these same meds in various amounts and combinations for the past 13years so none of them are surprises in what can be taken, how much, with what, or how they’re prone to affect me.

So, I guess yay for working my way through a slew of meds over the years?

Oh, and left-over from last night’s rage attack: my entire torso from beneath my breasts to my hips hurts…. my whole “core” area… from tensing it so hard when I was mad. It hurts to twist or lean or even lay here and type.