Menu

I’ve Never Met a Man-Hating Feminist.

In fear of my blog transforming into a first and foremost feminist blog, I’m going to try and stick to only a few feminist posts on here. Whilst feminism (sadly and more frustratingly) consumes my EVERYDAY life, the battle is exhausting and I want to escape from it on my blog by writing other things – so don’t fear, followers, I’m not just going to post feminist stuff constantly, but from time to time, I’ll share my opinion.

Feminism is consuming me and I’m tired of being angry all the time. Sometimes I wish I was ignorant to it and didn’t know better. But then this also annoys me, because why should I have to change when it’s society’s fault? Nevertheless, I’m tired of not going one day without something offending me on Facebook, and no, I’m not nit-picking or being dramatic. In fact just this morning I had many problems with this post on my Facebook page:

Whilst also feeling proud for this post:

(… that is, until I read it’s comments.)

Nevertheless, I’ll briefly dissect the first imags in as little words as possible before moving onto the ‘man-hating feminist’ theory that so many men are afraid of.
Thus:
1. That’s great you don’t condone sexism, yet you paradoxically contradict yourself. Your attitude suggests that women are frequently sexist towards men in our society when that simply isn’t the case. By doing this, you’re literally dividing the sides and inspiring men to have the attitude that so many of them have whereby “women are sexist to us, so why aren’t WE allowed?”
2. Ken Morley was also being disgusting. When the women asked him to stop staring and commenting on their bodies because it made them uncomfortable, he defended himself because he thought the women were being ‘ridiculous’ and that he has male entitlement that he can look at a women/make comments about her however and whenever he likes. Unfortunately, this isn’t an uncommon view.
Coincidentally, Jeremy Jackson in the CBB house literally pulled down a woman’s top and exposed her breasts. He did not ask her permission, nor were they in a “sexual environment” where she was suggesting having sex with him (although even then it’s a risky move), and she was horrified and upset. He just thought he could do what he wanted and objectified her, forgetting she was actually a human being. He was rightly evicted from the house. One of the women “oggling” a man on TV is a completely different thing than these two men. The fact it’s 2015 and these two incidences have happened in the CBB only goes to show how we backwards our society still is when being respectable towards women AND men. Bringing me to my next point:
3. Men “oggle” at women all the time, but women are guilty of this too like you mentioned. However, being a feminist and against sexism doesn’t mean you can’t look at people or find them attractive. The difference being, women are objectified in our society by TV adverts, posters, catwalk runways, magazines, mens magazines (note: ladies magazines rarely have a naked man on the front to sell their product and instead are about celebrities/lifestyle/clothes etc.) and pretty much everywhere. Hence, a lot of women develop eating disorders, body dysmorphia and general mental illnesses because they feel they’re not “good enough” to fit in society’s “perfect” ideal. Admittedly, men can also be objectified and men can also develop eating disorders and such, but in consideration to the large scale whereby women are mainly the oppressed and objectified, it doesn’t present a very ‘balanced’ and fair argument. Alongside the fact that the woman on Loose Women didn’t literally touch/sexually harass him, she simply admired him for being good looking. Which is fine. Men can admire a woman for being good looking in a good manner too, or even in a comical one like she did. If a man was to say “I’d like to get to know her better” ha-ha, nudge-nudge, I certainly wouldn’t be offended. But I would be offended if he said “LOOK AT THAT ARSE” and then didn’t apologise for being rude. I think there’s a clear difference.
4. Alongside this, women can’t be sexist towards men. Being white and male you literally have all of the privileges in the world. The concept of women “being sexist”towards men is like the prime minister or president to turn around to their lower and say “you’re corrupt with power”. There is such thing as gender hierarchy as much as political hierarchy, and whilst yes, we strive every day in the Western world to close the gap, males are still the ‘top dog’. We can’t oppress you because you have all the power. (Not that we WANT to oppress you, we just couldn’t oppress you even if we DID want to.)
5. Not forgetting that men DO make ‘sleazy’ comments often and DO get away with it. You only have to type into Youtube to watch a street harassment clip to understand a fraction of what women feel like walking in busy areas alone. There are whole websites dedicated to the “empowerment” of men that make sleazy comments at women. I’m sure you’re also familiar with “a woman? Out of the kitchen?!” joke. I’m sure you’re aware of “Lad Culture” that is swallowing our society day by painful day. In fact, only last year a club where I’m studying in Leeds opened called Tequila. Their promotional video was called “Rape a fresher!” and in it, men interviewed fellow other men about how they were going to “sleep with a fresher” with jokes about sex and rape. They objectified the women in the video, and unfortunately, this behaviour is seen everywhere. I’ve lost count of the many arguments me and my friends had with men in bars who feel they’re entitled to touch our bodies or get angry when we politely reject them. They look to their fellow friends in a roll-your-eye-get-a-load-of-these-bitches look.
And before you defend yourself that you’re not like those men – yes I’m sure you’re not. But please we aware that it happens before you get that old familiar high horse called “NOTALLMEN…”
6. I also think it’s unfair that you said people “know what they’re gonna get” in comedy (ie. meaning sexist jokes) and so you’re seemingly suggesting that it’s the woman’s fault for watching it and being offended?
Well, quite frankly if that applies, then you should know what you were gonna get when watching Loose Women, a panel of women all sitting around and having ‘casual’ chat like they would do in a cafe. (Although NOTE: NOT ALL WOMEN ARE LIKE LOOSE WOMEN, just like not all men are like sexist pigs!) But why should be have to avoid comedy altogether to not be ‘offended’ by it? How come you can go searching for offensive in Loose Women? Is this not a double standard?
7. But yeah, I agree with you that what Coleen Nolan said is pretty fucked up. That’s gross. I don’t think that’s a gendered issue, I just think that’s see-a-therapist-you-psycho gross.
8. Also, fine, you get one point for Dapper Laughs for not getting his sexist show. (Even if it WAS sexist.. I sometimes thought his vines were a parody of the sexist ‘lad culture’ in our society.. But anyway..) That’s one case. Frankie Boyle is sexist. Family Guy sometimes has sexist jokes. Anchorman is sexist. The Inbetweeners is sexist… I don’t want to play this game of what’s sexist because the fact is, it’s hard to think of a show that doesn’t have at least one subtle sexist joke in there. (Although – I do like a lot of the shows mentioned. I overlook the ‘sexist’ comments and sometimes they’re funny. We’re not all angry and war!)
9. Sexism is also important to remember in a wider context. Statistically, women experience more domestic abuse from males than the other way around. The same applies to rape. So frankly, I fail to see how we’re “having it our way” in a society that oppresses us, murders us, rapes us and mocks us. We only want to be treated equally. So what if women make a few backhanded objectifications to men? What’s that got to do with the larger picture? I’m sorry but I really don’t feel sorry for you. I don’t feel sorry for the males they were objectifying. And yes, the truth IS it would be creepy coming from a male, but that’s literally because men kill and rape women so it’s sort-of scary when a man objectifies a woman. (Literally speaking from experience.)
10. I don’t mean to attack, I used to think there were such things as a “double-standard” too. I used to be against feminism because I simply didn’t know what it meant and thought they were crazy, bra-burning bitches that hated men and nit-picked at every little detail. It’s only since studying it that my eyes have opened to the fact that feminism is not like that, it’s necessary and essential in all around us. I did not know how oppressed I was. So please, help us instead of mocking us.

Also look at the joke that is “Justices for Men and Boys” political party as well as “Men’s Right’s Activists” who want to stop further empowerment of women so that they should stay rightfully in their place, ie. the kitchen. As of yet, there’s not a “Justice for Women and Girls” political party that wants to eradicate males to a lower status and empower women above all. (As proof in the second image I presented, where there were only three women in the global leaders march in support of France and it’s recent attacks on Charlie Hebdo). Sure, we have “Women’s Right’s Activists”, but that’s because globally, women are punished and victimised for just being women in other parts of the world. They seek to help them.
Feminism seeks to help us all.
“Men’s Rights Activists” and “Justices for Men and Boys” seek to help themselves and men for the oh-so-many “injustices” that women give them. (Read my post on male injustice here).

Please, make the right choice.

I want to leave the subject with this quote:

“If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor. If an elephant has its foot on the tail of a mouse and you say that you are neutral, the mouse will not appreciate your neutrality. ”
– Desmond Tutu.

So, then.

I’ve never met a man-hating feminist.

And that’s true, I haven’t. I go to my feminist society meetings, I’m a member of MANY feminist Facebook pages, and still I have not encountered one. I think that’s what makes it all the more frustrating when men are against us. We’re fighting for the equality of men and women, together in unity, and (some)* men turn their backs on us in disgust that we’re crazy and “men-haters.”

*I don’t want to be at risk of generalisation..

I was inspired earlier when, unlike before when I was complaining about CONSTANTLY having something to be angry about, I felt refreshed by this comment on a completely irrelevant post:
(It was a photo on the Human’s of New York Facebook in which showed a man discussing how he’s opening up/talking more to his wife)

I’m in awe at this comment, (it’s literally the first one I’ve ever seen congratulating feminism, from a man, and on a non-feminist page/discussion group) so I comment with happiness. However, it wasn’t long until the anti-feminist crew came along with the famous “MAN HATERS” quotations::

Because men’s ulterior motive is obviously to get women to sleep with them/their attention… Not be like, a decent human being?

But then there were ace comments:

And this was/is my comment on the whole ordeal:

Also, I want to ask what’s the point in being anti-feminist. It’s like straight couples being against gay marriage… It doesn’t concern you so why are you making it your issue? The difference being, feminism concerns men, FOR THE GREATER GOOD. We literally want to help you, too! So why you’d be anti-feminist is beyond me.

I therefore can see how easy it is for women to become radicalised and “hate men.” I don’t hate men. I love my dad, my boyfriend and my male friends. None of these are sexist towards me, or any other female. But sometimes it feels like I’m banging my head against a wall trying to fight sexism and not getting anywhere. I feel like I’m throwing a ladder down a dark hole for men and women to climb up out of, but some of the men in their stubbornness would rather starve down there and shake their fists in an “damn-you blasted man-hating-women” fit of unnecessary rage. Take my ladder and I won’t have to hate you!? You don’t have to hate me! We can live in this totally nice and happy society where we all love one another and treat each other with respect and niceness!!!! Why are you battling against me? Join our struggle and eventually they’ll BE no struggle. Women won’t FIND a reason to hate you. There will be NO EXCUSES you can a woman to hate you if you just help us. But apparently you love the theory that we just hate men so forget trying to help us!

By not helping us and working against us, I can see why SOME radicalised women convert from feminism to extremism. (THEY ARE NOT FEMINISTS. THEY GIVE US A BAD NAME – THEY ARE WOMEN WHO HATE MEN.) So excuse the generalisation and the double-standard hypocritical statement I’m about to give, but I don’t blame women who do hate men because sometimes,* men can be damn frustrating. Their comments hurt and offend me when all I want is your help and cooperation from turning this fucked up society in something we can all be proud of.

Feminism offends you? Well then don’t be sexist, and people won’t be feminist, it’s that simple. Don’t give us an excuse to hate you, because at the moment we don’t. I don’t. But it’s hard trying to sing the praises of someone who laughs in your face.

*not all men..

FYI, bra burning was a myth in the media to portray women as crazy radicals… Sadly this myth is still haunting us today. I blame the bra-burning/man-haitng myth to be the reason so many people are against feminism still, in this day and age!

4 thoughts on “I’ve Never Met a Man-Hating Feminist.”

You’re not the only one to be annoyed by MRA’s, even for some of us guys their case-to-case focus and lack of a general approach is frustrating. The keep looking in every corner with a torch, searching for (more or less) anecdotal evidence, failing to connect the dots and building a rationale. MRA’s are the ones who may randomly pull out the rabbit of the hat and say “this happen to men too” at any topic whether you are discussing rape, differences in working life or objectification. They are the ones who say “men are raped too” – which is not wrong in itself – but then they fail too regard the frequency and risk for women versus men. They say “but men are objectified” too at posters and commercials but are failing to see the dozens of scantily clad women in others. They are the ones harshly pointing at Magic Mike without really understanding that female strippers existed long before the male ones did and that their female counterpart is more of a problem due to different gender expectations (men expected to be brave and strong while women are expected to look good).

MRA’s are certainly pedants enforcing their righteousness with millimeter precision. If a scantily clad guy is presented in any context you can be sure that they’ll demand a women for every guy! By the way the latter was actually a personal experience. I’m working for a charity organisation in which there’s a ladies nights with shirtless bartenders (I’m one of them) and we certainly heard from some MRA’s when they heard there were no female bartenders and that the concept was led by a woman. (Yes, that evil manager of ours that exercise sexism on men – I’m sure there are no male managers in topless bars or stripclubs…)

Ah yes, the MRAs. So incredibly frustrating.
I don’t think they realise I wouldn’t HAVE to be against them if they just supported women and equality because then we could “support theirs”.. Not that I really believe in male injustice(s) but they still deserve to be heard, IF they’re not just going to whinge and moan along the lines of “Well if WOMEN can do that, why can’t WE do that..” like yes, male rapes and objectification etc. do happen, like you said, and that shouldn’t be ignored, and yet feminism DOESN’T ignore it. Feminists/feminism want to change these things that benefit everyone, yet MRA’s are only concerned with themselves and elevating male status by saying “NOT ALL MEN” or “IT HAPPENS TO MEN TOO!!!” They’re not concerned in helping women, whereas the feminists are concerned with helping women AND men, and trans…Everyone. Just the human race as a whole.

I just wish they understood and how they’re really just making things worse. They’re really just criticising the side of the oppressed when we could all be helping each other.

Also, thank you for your excellent response, I really enjoyed reading it! Especially a male perspective, I don’t hear many of those so an extra thank you heading your way. Loved it. 🙂

This is a very late reply but thanks for your thoughtful answer and you’re right about focusing on helping each other out when there’s indeed a problem, the last part being a problem for MRA’s. And since my last reply they’ve been working really hard to abolish the ladies night charity and nearly made it. One of them sent a formal complaint to the owner of the building in which the charity nights take place with a note of “discrimination of men”.