Comments on: Why Won’t He Take Steps To Finalize His Divorce?http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/why-wont-he-take-steps-to-finalize-his-divorce/
Understand Men. Find Love.Fri, 18 Aug 2017 02:40:56 +0000hourly1https://wordpress.org/?v=4.7.5By: Bettyhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/why-wont-he-take-steps-to-finalize-his-divorce/#comment-6670460
Tue, 27 Jun 2017 17:02:00 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=7142#comment-6670460By the time your sons are in University you will be older maybe difficult to find someone. The good men are all taken what is left wants younger womene.

]]>By: Danielahttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/why-wont-he-take-steps-to-finalize-his-divorce/comment-page-3/#comment-6658364
Wed, 24 May 2017 10:29:00 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=7142#comment-6658364I am at the same situation!

I just left him yesterday!

Trust me! I suffering a lot but i really want more in my life! I want someone complete ! I want a new life with everything clear, nothing dark and durty! There are so many girls who would take him not divorced and who has stomach to hear about what his ex did or she didnt do this time! I dont! I dont wanna be in another couple story, i have the right to make my own story with someone who really wants the same! I am divorced and i will find a strong man who is as strong as me!

I broke up yesterday because i took the desision because he cant stop talking about his ex and he cant take the devorce, even if she already is dating the guy who cheated him. I know im right, i know things will be better for me other wise I WILL BE THE ONE WHO CANT MOVE ON, just like he is!

In my opinion he is a weak person, obceced by her.

its just too hard now but i know how good i am my friend! And i was there, just like you, supporting him for the last year and i know he can do the same to me tha your ex did to you . I read your coment and i know i did right, even if im suffering a lot now.

thank you a 1000 times

]]>By: Dorlinehttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/why-wont-he-take-steps-to-finalize-his-divorce/comment-page-3/#comment-6657527
Mon, 22 May 2017 03:09:00 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=7142#comment-6657527My answer is from my opinion I am a wife separated for 4 years. My husband been cheating before our separation still is. I have asked for a divorce but he will not respond and have told women he will never divorce. The answer simply he wants his cake and eat it too. Some men want to keep their wives around so once they done playing want make it work. It also a control thing feel they want have to worry about the wife having a Stable relationship because they are still married.
]]>By: Krystalhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/why-wont-he-take-steps-to-finalize-his-divorce/comment-page-3/#comment-6646254
Sat, 22 Apr 2017 12:41:43 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=7142#comment-6646254I have been dating a man who has been separated for almost 8 months now. He has no ties with his wife, no children, etc… he says he has to wait until he’s financially stable to file for divorce, then it’s he has to wait certain period of time before filing, when I ask him about the subject he doesn’t want to talk about it. He wants me to move in his house, and his 2 children from previous marriage I get along great with. I just am not sure I can wait much longer , the story never seems to change.
]]>By: de ellehttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/why-wont-he-take-steps-to-finalize-his-divorce/comment-page-2/#comment-6630974
Sun, 26 Mar 2017 00:18:00 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=7142#comment-6630974MonaBee,

his cheating wife doesn’t want him but neither will initiate the divorce

]]>By: Lesley Loverahttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/why-wont-he-take-steps-to-finalize-his-divorce/comment-page-3/#comment-6604051
Tue, 14 Feb 2017 20:53:44 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=7142#comment-6604051I really feel for you Caitlin. I was with a man for 4 years, when we met he was married and living separate lives in the same house with his wife. 9 months after we began dating the house was sold. He had the money to divorce but never did. I stupidly put up with his multitude of excuses for 4 years as to why he would not divorce. Caitlin, the way your boyfriend is now is who he is and this will never change. If he cannot consider your feelings so early on in your relationship or have an honest conversation about why he will not initiate divorce without passing the blame onto you by, in effect, saying it is you with the problem and fears about his wife then this begs the question “does he really care about you”? I’ve learnt the hard way and hindsight has taught me a valuable lesson. How the relationship is now is how it will always be. Why would you want to be with a man who says he loves you yet his actions, or rather lack of them, say differently? There will be many times in the future you will need to discuss your feelings and this man clearly isn’t taking yours seriously. How can you build a relationship with anyone until they truly underline their previous one? I think this man is lazy and though less and is taking the path of least resistance. While he is still married he is not only unavailable emotionally but also legally, his wife is his next of kin. I would save yourself a lot of heartache and leave. You deserve to be with a man who adores you, is actively working with you to build a future together and who genuinely listens to you and takes your feelings seriously. Don’t settle for less. We all get what we are prepared to put up with.
]]>By: KBhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/why-wont-he-take-steps-to-finalize-his-divorce/#comment-6579656
Fri, 13 Jan 2017 03:15:17 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=7142#comment-6579656]]>And, to be honest, you really deserve to be. No decent girl dates a married man. Unless they are insecure and pathetic. It is true 😉
]]>By: KBhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/why-wont-he-take-steps-to-finalize-his-divorce/#comment-6579655
Fri, 13 Jan 2017 03:13:08 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=7142#comment-6579655He won’t divorce his wife. He has no respect for you. No man respects a woman who dares them when they are married, they don’t trust you. You are a doormat
]]>By: Dianahttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/why-wont-he-take-steps-to-finalize-his-divorce/comment-page-3/#comment-6569455
Sun, 18 Dec 2016 21:44:08 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=7142#comment-6569455I am 29 and was dating a man 13 years older than me for almost 2 years. Of course when I met him he told me he was in the process of a divorce and he no longer loved or was physical with his soon to be ex. They have a now 13 year old and now he and I have a 6 month old . Everything was great, he was always with me and he even played the daddy role for my almost 3 year old. I feel, HARD! About 3 months after our son was born he began to act distant, of course I would always call him out but he made me seem like a crazy person. One day I found out he and his wife were still together. He never fully admitted it until I gathered evidence. Until this day, he won’t be honest that he was living two different lives. Under certain circumstances he ended up coming clean to her, of course he didn’t tell her the entire truth. He pretty much made me out to be a crazy girl who he’d been trying to break up with. He then told me he was trying to find guidance with the Lord… needless to say,in a week we went from speaking and being together to not speaking at all. He is now with his wife again… did she forgive him? Not sure, but I am almost certain they are working things out. The entire time he made me believe paperwork was being filed. I am completely broken hearted, but for some reason I cannot tell his wife everything that she needs to know. I know that she would be hurt. This man met my family and my daughters real father… the relationship was 100% real until it wasn’t.
]]>By: Brandy McKnighthttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/why-wont-he-take-steps-to-finalize-his-divorce/comment-page-2/#comment-6562656
Sun, 04 Dec 2016 23:55:24 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=7142#comment-6562656That paper changes everything. Married twice. No desire to do it again. Living in sin is much more exciting. Would not want to be married knowing my spouse is seeing others. What’s the point of staying married? Made vows you are not following. Get out and be happy. My divorce cost me a lot of money. Totally worth every penny! It was lots of pennies!!! Darn community states! Breadwinner always loses without a prenuptial agreement. Lesson learned. Very expensive lesson. As for seeing a separated man, I know it is considered wrong but if the wife is aware he sees other women and you are aware that he is legally married, you can’t complain about it after the fact. I believe he will leave her if you are the one for him, children or not. Think it is wrong for the married party to say they will stay for their kids. Look at what you are teaching them? They see and mirror your actions. It can affect their own relationships down the road. Give them an ultimatum if you want a future with them or just have fun
]]>By: Brandy McKnighthttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/why-wont-he-take-steps-to-finalize-his-divorce/comment-page-2/#comment-6562655
Sun, 04 Dec 2016 23:44:48 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=7142#comment-6562655What city/state had that zoning law? Wish they had that in Texas.
]]>By: Brandy McKnighthttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/why-wont-he-take-steps-to-finalize-his-divorce/comment-page-3/#comment-6562653
Sun, 04 Dec 2016 23:38:24 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=7142#comment-6562653Married men who are cheating do leave the wife. I have seen this first hand. They even take on other children and raise them while leaving their own flesh and blood behind. Just depends on the situation. Only God can judge us.
]]>By: Brandyhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/why-wont-he-take-steps-to-finalize-his-divorce/#comment-6562650
Sun, 04 Dec 2016 23:23:10 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=7142#comment-6562650A divorce costs thousands of dollars per party just for the attorney portion of it all. Depending on what state you reside in, without a prenuptial agreement in a community property state, it will cost the breadwinner in the marriage a lot of money.

You know why getting a divorce is so expensive?

Because it’s worth it!

Prenuptial agreement is a must! Marriage changes things. You find out who you really married when you get a divorce. I speak from experience.

READERS beware..do your research on 2 topics before getting involved in a relationship “LIMERENCE” and “Narcissism” YouTube them seriously! Save yourself pain and games!!

]]>By: Mhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/why-wont-he-take-steps-to-finalize-his-divorce/comment-page-3/#comment-6547085
Wed, 02 Nov 2016 18:37:29 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=7142#comment-6547085I am not trying to be mean here but you are committing adultery and God is never going to ordain an affair which is what this is. Married people are off limits.
]]>By: Lorihttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/why-wont-he-take-steps-to-finalize-his-divorce/comment-page-2/#comment-6540355
Tue, 18 Oct 2016 09:45:19 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=7142#comment-6540355Well said ! Red flags all over if your BF won’t move to get a divorce and shame on him if he has children who are watching his behaviour .
]]>By: Lorihttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/why-wont-he-take-steps-to-finalize-his-divorce/#comment-6540352
Tue, 18 Oct 2016 09:26:34 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=7142#comment-6540352I couldn’t agree more! My husband and I have been separated for four years and he has been in an on-again off-again relationship with a girl 23 years his junior (he’s now 53, she’s 30). No, I’m not waiting for him, I’m not divorcing him for a few reasons: I will lose co-benefits; I am the beneficiary on his life insurance -as is he on mine (this is because we have two kids); but most importantly because it is the one thing that he is going to have to put effort into doing if he wants it. I separated from him because he was non-participatory in parenting, took care of his wants and needs only; never reciprocated the things I did for him throughout our marriage and, unbelievably this took me a long time to figure out, is a classic covert narcissist. I handed him the life he always wanted…no more parental responsibility, freedom to live and do as he see’s fit with no accountability, so why in the world would I make the effort or fund a divorce. Footnote: I have chosen not to date because our sons have been shoved aside enough by one parent and I don’t want them to have to feel second best by their mother. Once they are launched into University, it’ll be my time.
]]>By: scarydogmotherhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/why-wont-he-take-steps-to-finalize-his-divorce/comment-page-3/#comment-6539338
Sun, 16 Oct 2016 11:40:36 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=7142#comment-6539338It’s not complicated at all: You are selfish. You’re the one who cheated and left your wife. She very well should get half the 401k, the house and everything else but you don’t recognize her work and contributions because they don’t resemble yours.
]]>By: Alihttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/why-wont-he-take-steps-to-finalize-his-divorce/#comment-6539132
Sun, 16 Oct 2016 02:48:40 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=7142#comment-6539132Love ur response, i walked away he kept saying he is doing it ten months later i asked he never did start said he doesn’t want to pay that money. Im heartbroken but dont deserve this thak you, im healing now.
]]>By: Kristenhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/why-wont-he-take-steps-to-finalize-his-divorce/#comment-6510181
Tue, 16 Aug 2016 06:05:04 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=7142#comment-6510181Then plan on being used. After all, you got yourself involved with a married man, it really is your own fault. He isn’t leaving her because he doesn’t want to, you are simply a side girl that will due for now. Don’t be stupid. It is what it is
]]>By: tdhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/why-wont-he-take-steps-to-finalize-his-divorce/#comment-6497684
Mon, 18 Jul 2016 17:49:38 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=7142#comment-6497684Im not leaving.
]]>By: tdhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/why-wont-he-take-steps-to-finalize-his-divorce/#comment-6497681
Mon, 18 Jul 2016 17:45:37 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=7142#comment-6497681I am involved with a separated man. Im not leaving here no matter what. So maybe with all these negativities enlisted then maybe you should have one postitive note. I dont have low self esteem or nothing. We live together. I dont care how others think or feel. Marriage is just a piece of paper and no, they don’t have children together. Im supportive first because he’s my friend. In the long run, if things dont work out, they don’t He will always be my friend and that’s that. It makes no sense to advise so much negative feedback. Nothing I’ve read is postitive. I’m not leaving. Call me stupid that’s fine. My opinion matters to me. If he wasny married and got in another relationship with someone else, would it be the same effect and if not..then clearly it remains unclear.
]]>By: Janeahttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/why-wont-he-take-steps-to-finalize-his-divorce/comment-page-2/#comment-6496641
Sun, 17 Jul 2016 00:11:46 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=7142#comment-6496641That’s my situation. My boyfriend of almost 3 years won’t get a divorce. He blames it on money, but has bought expensive dogs, fish, cars, rims and a boat just to name a few since we’ve moved in together. I brought it back up again, as we’re going on another year, and he got pissed and stormed out. He even told me to find someone else to go on the couple’s trip we planned for my birthday next week. I don’t know why he’s mad at me, but I don’t care. I know he’s in the wrong and is the one holding us back from progressing. He desperately wants kids, but I refuse to stop birth control until he’s divorced. He’s proposed and we talk about our future life together, but my biological clock is seriously ticking and his lack of initiative and follow through speaks volumes. I’ve been patient and understanding, but I now feel my feelings aren’t valued.
]]>By: Elhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/why-wont-he-take-steps-to-finalize-his-divorce/comment-page-3/#comment-6471419
Sun, 22 May 2016 00:16:27 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=7142#comment-6471419 I’ve been with my separated boyfriend for about 61/2 years now (he left her 2 years before I met him). I’ve been through HELL. His ex is a total nut job; I have two court orders of protection against her. He has several police reports against her, etc. He actually had her served with divorce papers 3 years ago, but for some reason nothing has come of them. I live in total AGONY. I’m lonely, I’m sad, I’m mad, I’m anxious, I’m WAITING… I really can’t take it any more. I too feel like I’m being taken for a ride because he knows all of this and still nothing is happening with the divorce. I know that if it were me, I would NEVER let him feel the way I’m feeling! NEVER! I would make it happen ASAP. I think he’s very happy with his dysfunctional life (fighting with her on a daily basis), and having me to comfort him… I’ve walked away from him several times, but he cries, begs, and makes all kind of promises, and me, the fool that I am, feel sorry for him and take him back. I am finally at the point in which I don’t care any more. It’s been months since I’ve stayed at his place, however, no matter what I say or do, his divorce is still at a stand still. I KNOW that I deserve better. I KNOW that I should love myself more. I’m empty… I KNOW I need to walk away because he’s just WASTING my years away. I truly love him with all my heart, but I REGRET the day I met him.
]]>By: jeanniehttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/why-wont-he-take-steps-to-finalize-his-divorce/#comment-6467579
Fri, 13 May 2016 17:13:38 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=7142#comment-6467579Florida is $300 filing fees and you can do your own paperwork if uncontested. My husband an I have been separated for 4 years. He is engaged to someone but has not made a move to start divorce proceedings. I refuse to pay for the divorce since he was the one who left. But beside that point, I wonder why she is so stupid to put up with it. I believe he just doesn’t want to remarry and I’m a good excuse. Anyone in those shoes needs to think very carefully the motivation behind your fiancée or boyfriend, girlfriend not going ahead with their divorce.
]]>By: JtMoneyhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/why-wont-he-take-steps-to-finalize-his-divorce/comment-page-3/#comment-6440047
Sat, 26 Mar 2016 08:31:39 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=7142#comment-6440047Or maybe he doesn’t want to be with her seriously, as long as he’s married, he doesn’t have to worry about marrying her or dealing with the shortcomings if the relationship
]]>By: Silencehttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/why-wont-he-take-steps-to-finalize-his-divorce/comment-page-3/#comment-6427522
Mon, 14 Mar 2016 06:31:38 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=7142#comment-6427522My situation now is similar. I am in long distance relationship with my boyfriend. Recently, ı went visited him and wanted to meet his family but he didn t allow me. That’s when I realised something are not cleared. He told me he is divorced when we first met last year. Now after asking so many questions, he admitted that he is still married on paper but seperated not staying together. This is because of his son and he won’t allow a stepfather living with his son for now and in future. So they willing to stay seperated until his son is 18 years old. İt was heartbreaking after i got to know he is still married on paper even though he admitted( by islamic syariah law) he is already divorced. As for now, i am in silence but he keep on accusing me of leaving him and that i dont understand his situation now. We are in love and care for each other. But now i really couldnt say anything. İ couldnt talk to anyone about this as nobody would understand. Obvıously, people would say walk away and move on. He told me if i fly to meet him again he will explain everything. Well now like i said i am in silence , in a way i am trying to get hold of everything that’s going on in my life. İ feel my heart is stabbed 1000times.
]]>By: Ruthhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/why-wont-he-take-steps-to-finalize-his-divorce/#comment-6414259
Sat, 05 Mar 2016 04:52:11 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=7142#comment-6414259Well said. i have been involved with a guy for nearly 8 years. He doesn’t live with me. He works with me in my self employed business and thinks he owns half of it even though I do all the work behind the scenes and pay the bills to keep business rolling around. He visits his ex everyday, as he wants to see his kids, ( 14 and 16 now!) Sometimes he stays the night on the couch, they have mutual friends and I dont get to be with his kids or his mutual friends. Might see his kids once a year. Lately I have had enough. And have asked him about a divorce. He says all in good time. Feeling like I am now way past the waiting game but have to sort my business stuff etc. His ex is not interested in him at all..she has had numerous affairs but she complains as she feels she has to have kids all the time and do everything and yet she hardly works. I often wish I hadnt stayed for this long as it becomes harder to leave the longer you stay..Im slowly making my way out of here and getting back my own life..and enjoying it..bus still struggle to let go of that last small connection which makes me hope he will divorce her and marry me..more than likely he won’t
]]>By: Joanhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/why-wont-he-take-steps-to-finalize-his-divorce/comment-page-3/#comment-6411037
Sat, 27 Feb 2016 21:33:39 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=7142#comment-6411037I would guess he cheated on her also, maybe first, and really doesn’t want to deal with that ugly part of who’s fault it is, or have his children learn he did that. As long as she has the kids, he’ll have to pay her the greater share of the child support. There are things he’s not telling you, I’m certain.
]]>By: Nicole Motherof2http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/why-wont-he-take-steps-to-finalize-his-divorce/comment-page-3/#comment-6400660
Tue, 02 Feb 2016 03:59:04 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=7142#comment-6400660I have two children with a married man and I got my tubes tied so I will never have a family with anyone else. We were both married when we got together. I got divorced and well, he didn’t I want to pay for his divorce with my taxes and ask him to merry me as a V-day gift but he avoid talking about it when I bring it up. Talk about STUCK… I was abused by my step-father and refuse to take a chance for one of my boys to have to go through the same thing.
]]>By: Karmic Equationhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/why-wont-he-take-steps-to-finalize-his-divorce/comment-page-3/#comment-6384528
Wed, 06 Jan 2016 16:24:48 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=7142#comment-6384528Dump him.

Why did you get involved with a married man in the first place?

And once you knew he wasn’t divorced and after he’d shown you he prioritizes his wife over you, why do you stay with him?

I’m sorry. You made this bed yourself. And you have no one to blame but yourself for your unhappiness. He’s not divorcing her because you have no boundaries.

The good news is that you can fix the situation yourself.

Just dump him already.

]]>By: Asylum patient#879😉http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/why-wont-he-take-steps-to-finalize-his-divorce/comment-page-3/#comment-6384485
Wed, 06 Jan 2016 14:09:23 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=7142#comment-6384485I am involved with a married man who keeps throwing out financial obstacles as to why he cannot file for the divorce. This has been going on for almost 8mos. We are currently living together elsewhere while his wife resides in their home. It is my thinking that if he weren’t paying (perhaps guilt-driven)for the rent, utilities,etc. for her, he could easily afford the divorce. He feels a need(whatever excuse sounds reasonable at the time)to contact her daily(usually after her 30th voicemail) usually in my absence, and lie about it, then let something slip like “Oh,well, yeah…I did give her a ride the other day”. After going on about how crazy she is..blah,blahh. My assumption is that he may not actually want a divorce & he’s simply enjoying having two women squeaking about the other over him.
]]>By: staceyhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/why-wont-he-take-steps-to-finalize-his-divorce/comment-page-2/#comment-6379550
Tue, 29 Dec 2015 13:32:07 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=7142#comment-6379550definitely!!!!!!
]]>By: Amyhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/why-wont-he-take-steps-to-finalize-his-divorce/#comment-6368139
Thu, 10 Dec 2015 19:56:35 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=7142#comment-6368139I totally know what you mean. I just recently ended mine with my married boyfriend. When I met him, I had no idea he would be married with kids. We are both in our 20’s and he was only a couple years older than me. Not really something that jumps to mind when you meet a young, good looking guy. I got manipulated into thinking he wasn’t happy and he no longer loved her. This went on for 3 months. She found my number and email and would threaten me constantly. He left home to be with me, but that only lasted for about a week before he realized his kids “needed” him. He was selfish. He wanted both sides. He told me he wanted me and the kids, but obviously that wasn’t what he was telling her. He kept telling me he wants to leave her but she kept threatening to take the kids away from him. Long story short, he never even thought about seriously divorcing her because when she hit her limit and told him she was done, that’s when he kept pleading for her to stay while telling me she wouldn’t leave.
]]>By: mehttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/why-wont-he-take-steps-to-finalize-his-divorce/comment-page-3/#comment-6364405
Mon, 07 Dec 2015 04:35:07 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=7142#comment-6364405He does not want to marry you. I have dated a man that swore up and down he wanted to marry me and he has not. He loves her still. I just wasted my time. He never intended to marry me EVER.
]]>By: Jaimiehttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/why-wont-he-take-steps-to-finalize-his-divorce/comment-page-3/#comment-6354237
Fri, 27 Nov 2015 14:53:50 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=7142#comment-6354237This is the third time I’ve read this post over the last few years plus the comments. I’m in a similar situation. He promised me beginning of this year that he’d file for divorce over the summer. When I asked at the beginning of the summer if he had started filling forms yet he said that ‘they’ had decided to postpone it till next year. We had a massive row and I was ready to walk out on him. He had the nerve to call me controlling when in fact I’ve been as patient as I can be (probably the wrong thing to be in the first place reading all the comments here). In the end he said I was right, that he was disrespecting me, that I deserved more and that he needed a kick up his ass. Over the last months I’ve told him to shut up about marrying me and other things involving our future that do not seem realistic with him seperated but not divorced. In my opinion we are drifting apart. Daily I think about what life will be like without him. He seems to think we are doing great despite me showing far less warmth than I used to. I used to think he was my soulmate but I realise that a soulmate would be aware of my increased unhappiness and would not put his head in the sand and pretend it is not there. Next year is around the corner. Divorce has not been mentioned and, as far as I know, no papers have been filled. I feel very conflicted at the moment. Not looking forward to the holidays or next year, despite having many other things in my life to be happy and gratefull for. I feel like I’m being taken for a ride despite him showing commitment in many other ways to our relationship. He loves me but apparently not enough to go through this unpleasant business. It makes me feel hollow inside. I feel my love for him slipping away and I cannot believe that after all we’ve been through he is forcing me to say goodbye to him. Actions do speak louder than words.
]]>By: Brittanyhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/why-wont-he-take-steps-to-finalize-his-divorce/comment-page-3/#comment-6140569
Wed, 02 Sep 2015 18:24:04 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=7142#comment-6140569I’m currently in this same situation. However, for the first year I had no clue he was even married. I did not find this out until the death of his mother when my mother snooped and found his mothers obituary in the paper and found out he was not only still legally married, but has four children! I was heart broken. I confronted him about it, and with a heavy sigh he did come out clean with me and told me that the reason he did not want to tell me was because he was afraid of loosing me. I told him that I forgave him, that it happens.. however, two years later (and then some) he has yet to get the divorce.

I’m growing extremely tired of the waiting game. Even moved out of the state because he refused to divorce his wife (who makes him extremely happy, I’ve hear her do nothing but scream at the children and even him) because he doesn’t want to loose his children. He said he would get the divorce if I moved in with him. Not happening. His kids know about me, even spoke to me.. even called me his girlfriend right in front of their mother. The wife even knows about me and doesn’t seem to care (she’s simply using him to babysit the kids and get his money anyways).

Its killing me more and more everyday that he doesn’t get the divorce done. I’m at the point that, which I’ve told him, I’m starting to fall out of love and I’m starting not to even care anymore. Now that were over 500 miles away from each other, you would think he would do anything in his power to get me back, and that is only happening when the wife is gone, which I’ve told him. Looks like it’s going to come down to when I bump into a guy in my town and his worry comes true.. loosing me forever.

]]>By: Anonhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/why-wont-he-take-steps-to-finalize-his-divorce/#comment-6097283
Fri, 21 Aug 2015 13:31:14 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=7142#comment-6097283Im In the same situation. I went through a divorce a year ago. I had some guy come after me and I was excited since I usually go after them. Said he was going through a divorce… It’s been 8 minutes news dating him now and he’s still married. Never even filed for divorce. I get what everyone is saying in the comments. But a relationship takes two to tango no matter what kind of relationship it is. No one is being selfish or thinking about themselves because they want their significant other to divorce. My man pays the rent in the house his ex wife lives In (for the last 2 yeas) and multiple other things. This angers the hell out of Me that she just walks all over him and takes advantage of him on a daily basis. But when I push for a divorce he says it’s to messy. She cheated on him and left him for another man. More than once. Says he pays her rent cause he doesn’t want his kids out on the street. But he has his own home! His kids can live with him! And they come over and stay the night all the time! I’m not angry that he doesn’t spend his money on me. I’m angry because he’s so busy spending money on her that he can’t pay all of his bills and falls short and I end up covering it for him. I want to be there for him and be his support system. I am also not looking to ever get married again. I just like spending time with him and being with him. But his ex is always popping up and interfering. She doesn’t work, refuses to, and the house he pays rent for for her, her boyfriend also is living there. I guess I will never see why a man would ever want to fork over money for such a low life and let her control his life 2 years later. But I guess maybe he’s not a man after all. Maybe a coward for hiding behind everything.
]]>By: amyhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/why-wont-he-take-steps-to-finalize-his-divorce/comment-page-3/#comment-6054271
Sun, 09 Aug 2015 16:02:59 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=7142#comment-6054271I am in the same boat…I’ve been with my guy for almost 4 years. We both were married to other people when we met. I got my divorce but he has not. His wife wants a divorce but he tells me he is not giving her a divorce in till he gets his stuff from her. But hasn’t told her that just text her and says we need to talk. But the way I see it he hasn’t had them in 4 years why does he need it now?
]]>By: Garyhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/why-wont-he-take-steps-to-finalize-his-divorce/comment-page-3/#comment-5935458
Fri, 03 Jul 2015 08:27:21 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=7142#comment-5935458I’m in a very different situation. I cheated on my wife’s and then i told my wife of 33 years I was leaving to be with this woman. She was in total shock for a few weeks. After about a month or so I got cold feet and moved back in with my wife. She was very willing to work on our relationship but it was I in the end that could not do my part so I left again. Now I’ve dated this same woman for a little over 2 years now. I am no closer to divorce now than I was two years ago.

I know most of you are thinking this guy should go-ahead and get the divorce. What are you waiting for?

well, I’m gonna tell you. It’s pretty compliacated but I’ll do my best to explain the reasons for not moving forward. 1) she will get half of my 401K and retirement which is fairly substancial 2) she will get half of the house that I built with my bare hands, blood, sweat, and tears 3) she will get a very nice alimony check from me each month. And on top of all of that all my children and grandchildren live within a 100 yards of our house. So if I divorce her, I’m gonna lose half my nest egg (she didn’t work or contribute) and it’s very likely I will greatly decrease the opportunities to see my children and grandchildren, which is something I can’t live with.

]]>By: Katiehttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/why-wont-he-take-steps-to-finalize-his-divorce/#comment-5918666
Sun, 28 Jun 2015 03:42:29 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=7142#comment-5918666Bottom line: he was unavailable and we should not have gotten involved. He told me he was “in the process” of a divorce; found out that was not true. He and his wife were also in bankruptcy and foreclosure, her parents purchased a house “for her” and they spent weeks playing games about who would live in what house until it went back to the bank. She played games: he would be on “suicide watch,” he car-chased her when she was drunk to get her to come home…ridiculous. I later learned, after much thought, they were co-dependent, and she was being treated for alcoholism and abandonment issues and he felt he was the only one who could help her. He told his father-in-law he was in love with me and that night she tipped a heavy, circular wooden table on to its side in rage. It was a verbally and physically abusive relationship between them. We never slept together, but she found the phone call bill and hit the roof, and in 24 hours, he was gone, breaking up with me via email. That was all 4 years ago. We were only together for 4 months, but it felt like we’d known each other forever, he made promises to me, talked about getting married, the whole 9 yards. I can’t get over him. Still so much pain. I wouldn’t recommend it.
]]>By: Danahttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/why-wont-he-take-steps-to-finalize-his-divorce/comment-page-3/#comment-5868721
Wed, 17 Jun 2015 01:23:40 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=7142#comment-5868721This really did help thanks now i know what i need to do.
]]>By: Margaret Thomsenhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/why-wont-he-take-steps-to-finalize-his-divorce/comment-page-3/#comment-5818715
Sat, 06 Jun 2015 18:07:07 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=7142#comment-5818715Morning – I am up early this morning because I am in a relationship with a man who will not divorce his wife. He and I have been together three years – he has been living apart from his wife for six years prior to that but – still operated as part of a couple – part of a family unit. He and I are not a young couple – and I have to admit it is nice to have companionship and the security of knowing there is someone I could turn to for help with things. The trouble is – he has a family that he needs to be with, as have I. He has become more and more secretive about his visits to his family where I am an open book. I believe families should be close and so would never hinder his relationships with his children. It would appear that his ex-wife now wants him back as she is lonely and as a result he now hides his visits and phone calls. He says I am at fault as I am too jealous. I actively encouraged him to visit his children, become more involved in the birth of grandchildren etc, but now I am excluded from births, birthdays and other family events as his first wife has not as yet met me. I now know he will not divorce her and feels that there is nothing wrong in that – but he wants to be with me and says that should be enough. The intellectual part of me understands that – he and she are not young and he doesn’t want to hurt her. The emotional side says, hang on you idiot – after three years he should be clearer on his position with me.
]]>By: LongHaulRachelhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/why-wont-he-take-steps-to-finalize-his-divorce/comment-page-2/#comment-5658276
Mon, 04 May 2015 11:30:16 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=7142#comment-5658276Here is another voice from the other side. I have been separated for 12 years still undivorced. My ex left me when the children were really small for an older woman (can’t have children) that he is still with. There is no way either of us want to get back together again, he feels like a brother or some kind of family member (we never fancied each other terribly much). I don’t talk to the woman he left me for (my daughters godmother) but she really has nothing to worry about. I think the ex- enjoys the benefit of being part of a family, the children are super-happy and I did/don’t feel quite so alone. I guess that helps allay his conscience. I now have a long distance relationship (with an undivorced man!) so things are changing slowly. i have often been told that somehow we must want to get back together or the ex is being devious. I don’t think so. It’s expensive and difficult to divorce when kids are involved (I think) so unless he or I want to marry there is no point. I am sure we will when the kids leave home though.
]]>By: Kimhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/why-wont-he-take-steps-to-finalize-his-divorce/comment-page-3/#comment-5613609
Fri, 24 Apr 2015 00:42:30 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=7142#comment-5613609I met a guy One night while I was out with my male cousin. The guy kept asking is that you boyfriend, once I introduced them it was fine. Anyways so he asked for my number and asked me out the next day I delayed it for A few day. He seemed to be perfect out the military, worked for homeland security..had his own apt with roommates!! Well let’s get to the real deal.. I always said this guy is too perfect something is not right .. I found him to be shady .. he was hungry for my attention daily. And I was away in the hamptons a lot.. So once I was home he chased me day after day. Blowing up my phone any chance he got.
He invited me to go out one night for drinks with his marine buddy .. After I had maybe 3/4 drinks.. His busy pulled me aside and said oh we need to talk.. I said ok.. It turns out he is married and has 2 small kids that lives in Florida. He is still 1000% legally married and talks to her daily ame she calls and says oh the kids need so he spends. But is cheap with me.
Anyway I said so are you getting divorced he said yes. This was July.. I asked every month what are you doing? He said in November that he did not want to file it because his wife bday was coming up and did not want to upset her. I said go to hell! He said he will file it which I never saw proof. But his roommates were his wife’s cousins and made me look like a fool he lied to me about that too. I honestly tried and he continued to lie.. And now I’m December he goes to FL to see them and I went we stayed @ my brothers home.. I spent Xmas alone because he was with his wife, her mom and his kids. And left me 2 hours away @ my brothers. That entire week I had to deal with that shit. He was so disrespectful.

Once we came back to NY he did nothing to move the divorce ffwd.. And I said do it or I’m gone.. He did nothing.. I got fed up & left his ass. Honestly if they are married leave it along and find another man that is single. I was married but once I knew it was not working I got divorced.
He tried to fill my head with you are wife material, I want to have a baby with you.. Oh I’m going to marry you. Don’t fall for that!! It’s a pack of lies.
now he texted me last night that he loves me. I did not even Reply. The mistake he made was lying and now I just don’t care.

i m in the situation U got out of my only problem is that he told me he was divorced when we met and months later told me he was separated that was 4 1/2 yrs ago… Im still in it n now he wants kids wth me . I told him today im not having kids till he get divorced and he said he is not getting divorced so I feel ur pain but I now ..

]]>By: MADINAhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/why-wont-he-take-steps-to-finalize-his-divorce/#comment-5548925
Tue, 07 Apr 2015 05:35:29 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=7142#comment-5548925@gem YOU’RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT I HAVE BEEN THROUGH IT HE WILL NEVER GET A DIVORCE ITS NOT SOMETHING MEN DO CAUSE THEY WANT TO HAVE”THE WIFE&THE GIRLFRIEND”TO FEEL MANLY WEATHER HES WITH THE WIFE OR NOT ITS ALL ABOUT TILTLE…MEN ARE ON IT MORE THAN WOMEN THESE DAYS
]]>By: MADINAhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/why-wont-he-take-steps-to-finalize-his-divorce/#comment-5548915
Tue, 07 Apr 2015 05:30:43 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=7142#comment-5548915I TOTALLY AGREE WITH YOUR STATEMENT HE MAY NOT WANT TO OPEN ANY DOORS FOR ANOTHER MARRIAGE TO HAPPEN KNOWING THAT’S NOT WHAT HE WANTS
]]>By: Shawnhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/why-wont-he-take-steps-to-finalize-his-divorce/comment-page-3/#comment-4949570
Sun, 25 Jan 2015 07:59:40 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=7142#comment-4949570Never get involved with a married man. Separated or Not. The minute you find out that he is married turn around go the other way, quickly!
]]>By: Rshelldbhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/why-wont-he-take-steps-to-finalize-his-divorce/comment-page-3/#comment-4773263
Wed, 14 Jan 2015 14:38:06 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=7142#comment-4773263Thats a good question, still looking for the answer myself… but no, thats not the type of person I want to build a life with.
]]>By: mhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/why-wont-he-take-steps-to-finalize-his-divorce/#comment-4744389
Mon, 12 Jan 2015 17:11:07 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=7142#comment-4744389I don’t think it gets much simpler than this.
]]>By: Henriettehttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/why-wont-he-take-steps-to-finalize-his-divorce/comment-page-3/#comment-4666280
Wed, 07 Jan 2015 05:39:07 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=7142#comment-4666280why on earth have you not dumped this guy? He lies to you, plays games with you, refuses to give you direct answers… Is that the kind of person you want to build a life with?
]]>By: Rshelldbhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/why-wont-he-take-steps-to-finalize-his-divorce/comment-page-3/#comment-4662763
Wed, 07 Jan 2015 00:50:15 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=7142#comment-4662763I have been in a relationship with a married man for 2 years now. He wasnt honest about being married at first but then after he told me he said they were going through a divorce which he could never could furnish any type of paperwork to prove so and there was no records on file either…he made it like he had custody of his kids and she lived elsewhere well come to find out a year and a half into the relationship they still resided in the house together (I lived 3 hours away)…after quite a few red flags I knocked on his door and found out she was still living in the house…big confrontation…found out they apparently are trying to divorce but for whatever reason nothing has been filed….he has since moved out but still will not be clear on whats going on with the divorce…he says he filed a dissolution but never shows me any paperwork….he has been throwing smokescreens to keep me from leaving even went as far as creating a fake divorce decree…has made it a very intolerable situation for me and tired of the BS.
]]>By: Shaylahttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/why-wont-he-take-steps-to-finalize-his-divorce/comment-page-3/#comment-4206109
Wed, 10 Dec 2014 21:33:10 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=7142#comment-4206109I have been with my boyfriend for just over two years and he is still married. They have been separated for almost 7 years and she is currently in jail. He has full custody of his two kids, whom I am helping to raise. It hurts me every day that he wont get a divorce. Where i live, it costs $200 to file for divorce. We do not have a lot of money, but I’ve told him we can save up and get it all done with but he says we cant. He claims he wants to marry me and start a family and i want that too as i love him very much, but its just getting harder and harder to believe he really loves me.
]]>By: JenMAhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/why-wont-he-take-steps-to-finalize-his-divorce/comment-page-2/#comment-2607323
Wed, 10 Sep 2014 20:30:33 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=7142#comment-2607323I’m in the same situation you described. I’ve been with him now for over 4 years, going back and forth from feeling foolish for staying, to being ok with it because I do love him. He has started proceedings, but his wife is making everything impossible. She has lots of “medical issues”, is on disability and doesn’t work. (medical issues in quotes because from what I’ve gathered she could work) He pays the mortgage on their house- that he no longer lives in, pays her car payment, health insurance.. on and on it goes. Part of the separation agreement is that she puts the house up for sale, but she has made no effort to do this. Every court date nothing changes, things just get continued for another 3 months. I know anyone reading this will think it’s ridiculous that I’m still with him, and they would be right. I would be devastated to leave him, but I’m in a relationship that is a going nowhere.
]]>By: Frozentc@yahoo.comhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/why-wont-he-take-steps-to-finalize-his-divorce/#comment-2378187
Fri, 15 Aug 2014 21:53:57 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=7142#comment-2378187It only cost $150 for my divorce here in Alaska. We agreed on everything and I have custody of our son.
]]>By: Jenna Vincenthttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/why-wont-he-take-steps-to-finalize-his-divorce/comment-page-3/#comment-2096807
Mon, 07 Jul 2014 01:57:05 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=7142#comment-2096807I was in a relationship with a married man for two years. Just recently, it all came to a head and we haven’t spoken In two weeks. He just pulled away with no explanation and attempted to contact me only once with a half assed apology. He is married, he will never leave his wife, and you will always get the short end of the stick. Please, I beg you, leave him before he breaks your heart, bc trust me honey, it’s inevitably going to happen. You deserve to be a wife, not a mistress.
]]>By: tennillewadehttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/why-wont-he-take-steps-to-finalize-his-divorce/comment-page-2/#comment-1947470
Fri, 13 Jun 2014 20:36:44 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=7142#comment-1947470if you believe in God and religion I would say meeting this new guy is your way out. He’s totally available to you and you like and are starting to love him the other guy sounds like a loser extremely childish and very selfish. Put yourself first and move on to be happy. Even if things don’t work out with the new guy you cheated, if you wanna call it that, with at least you will know what being with a good guy feels like.
]]>By: tennillewadehttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/why-wont-he-take-steps-to-finalize-his-divorce/#comment-1945464
Fri, 13 Jun 2014 13:28:58 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=7142#comment-1945464this helped me a lot and it wasn’t even my story.
]]>By: Kayhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/why-wont-he-take-steps-to-finalize-his-divorce/comment-page-3/#comment-1533441
Sat, 19 Apr 2014 00:48:17 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=7142#comment-1533441I appreciate all the comments on here and i can feel the pain thru the words. I have reached a point to finally say enough is enough. I would rather be alone than in a dysfunctional family that can and do only care about their selfish wants. I gave to no end only to my loss and their gain. Its an eyeopener to see how very self centered people can be and its disheartening. I am going to force my heart to close the book and hope a brighter path awaits. Best of everyfhing to all the good women out there that allow their lives to be lovingly strung along for the sake of hoping that this is it. I unfortunately have learned that you will never be puf first with a married man who lacks the courage to end it. It will take a toll on you physically, mmentally and possibly financially while you enable his family to reap from what you sow.
]]>By: Sallyhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/why-wont-he-take-steps-to-finalize-his-divorce/comment-page-2/#comment-1532010
Fri, 18 Apr 2014 21:07:08 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=7142#comment-1532010Kay, don’t play yourself. This man is confused! There was no closure to his marriage. His wife (whom he might still love deeply) has cheated on him. The fact that up until recently he was paying her bills is a BIG RED FLAG! A man who pays a woman’s bills is certainly sleeping with her. …..
Proceed with CAUTION!
]]>By: kayhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/why-wont-he-take-steps-to-finalize-his-divorce/comment-page-2/#comment-1501087
Tue, 15 Apr 2014 23:10:39 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=7142#comment-1501087The man I date separated from his wife because she cheat on him got pregnant. The baby was born last June 2013 and he will be a year old coming up this June. She has no health insurance and use his health insurance. He has no motivation of start the divorce. They still file tax together. He claimed that he doesn’t have the money to file for divorce so he wait on her and she doesn’t want to divorce him. First it bothered me but to the point that I don’t care because he doesn’t have the ball to file for divorce let it be. I just do what it is best for me and do my on things. Maybe the cheat was all his fault so he want continue to get use and be a doormate to her that’s his call. Men like this type consider to be stupid and need to be use. I am sorry but that’s my opinion. Men like this don’t deserve a good woman.
]]>By: getdivorcedwhenuleavehttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/why-wont-he-take-steps-to-finalize-his-divorce/comment-page-2/#comment-1430807
Tue, 01 Apr 2014 21:37:39 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=7142#comment-1430807I don’t agree with anyone on this forum. It’s all twisted and ridiculous. If you and your spouse leave each other and no longer wish to be together and feel that you can HAVE A GF OR A BF someday THEN DIVORCE! File for it at the very least! Saying you don’t plan on re-marrying or what have you shouldn’t be the reason for filing for a divorce. It’s closure. Period. Don’t be lame and stay for freebees like medical or dental or stupid crap that you can get on your own with a job- oh well if it costs more THAT WOULD YOUR PROBLEM. Be a man, be a woman and do it for closure. THEN FIND A GIRLFRIEND OR BOYFRIEND WITH OUT TIES ON YOUR END AND/OR YOUR EX’S HOLDING ON FOR DEAR LIFE for whatever reason. EWWW NOT SEXY and VERY disrespectful to your new chica or chico. GET IT STARTED AND GET IT DONE.
]]>By: Sarahhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/why-wont-he-take-steps-to-finalize-his-divorce/comment-page-2/#comment-1403248
Wed, 26 Mar 2014 21:03:58 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=7142#comment-1403248I’ve been dating a man for six months who’s still married. When we first met he told me his wife had filed for divorce and it should be final in “just a couple of weeks”. I let it slide for about three months because I bought the story but then I started feeling some concern about the length of time it was taking and began to pester him about it. After lighting a fire under him he told me he contacted her and that she would file the next week. A couple of months go by and I take it upon myself to contact the court clerk and guess what??? She still hasn’t filed. Frankly I’m about done with the excuses and am inches from bailing on this guy. I love him dearly but my happiness is important and the situation is NOT making me happy. He says he loves me and wants me in his life forever but if this were the case wouldn’t he be a little more proactive about this….maybe go track her down, retrieve the paperwork, and file it himself? Who knows what rolls through the male brain when it comes to these things? He doesn’t live with her, have any children with her, own any property with her, pay any of her bills, and he says he doesn’t want to reconcile with her…..so it’s anybody’s guess. My point here is to figure out how much you’re willing to put up with and then draw a line. They say nice guys finish last….well nice girls don’t always fare that well either. Life is short and the world is full of great guys!! Don’t be a doormat or sell yourself short. Best of luck
]]>By: Kristinahttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/why-wont-he-take-steps-to-finalize-his-divorce/comment-page-2/#comment-1126206
Mon, 23 Dec 2013 17:45:30 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=7142#comment-1126206Oh how glad I am to have stumbled upon this website. Now I dont feel bad for him anymore for wanting to leave him. I do love him, but I just cant do this anymore. 3 years. When I first met him, we worked together. I knew he had a wife and kids, but he was very open about the fact that he had a miserable marriage, and told me he had been seperated for a while and it was over. We were friends first, I had no idea we would start dating, but we went out for drinks one night and well…it just happened, and then we grew closer and seriously spend every minute of the day together, 3 minutes later.

Problem of course – no divorce. I hinted that I really wanted him to get a divorce. He wanted to go home with me for Christmas, I told him I’m not introducing a married man to my mother, although I have had to lie about the situation to her she would kill me if she knew.

Then he also has 2 kids with this evil woman. I am a very insecure women. I have never been lucky with relationships, so Im torturing myself crying for hours every day, wondering why I am not good enough. His reasons for no divorce – The wife leaves him alone, he says its just a piece of paper, and he doesnt have the money for the cost and for child support. Although he gives his kids money all the time I dont get it. Also he used to have money – hell, he even bought his wife boobs, here I am with 32A’s lol. He somehow lost it all, through trying to open a business that failed etc. He now lives with me, pays absolutely nothing, not one dollar to help with rent. I even paid for half of his car ( he wanted a Mercedes even though he is broke, and I was stupid to help him pay for it.) I tell him we need a break at least, I have told him I want to end things, but he always comes back crying and he has no where to go. So I let him and I do love him, and we used to be happy, but I’ve waited so long. He threatened to kill himself the last time I told him I’m done. I dont know what to do, I miss him so much and cry when he is gone, but I am miserable when he is here. I told him I would give anything to have what that evil woman had, a family with him. At first I told him I didnt care about marriage and didnt want kids, but I was young and just wanted to be with him, so I told myself those things. Then I changed I wanted to get married, but obviously thats still not possible.

Another side note – He is much older than me. I had never experienced a long term serious relationship before him. Here he is coming from a 20 year marriage. I cant get over how long that was. He also says that he doesnt do breaks, which is what I keep asking for. I know it is because he and the wife were seperated many times, but he wont even give 1 time and says he is moving far far away if he cant have me. I told him he could have, but he made the decision to push me away by not closing the door of his past.

So out of hurt and anger and because I really dont love him the way I used to, I cheated. He still doesnt know, but thats another reason why this has to end. Because I’m falling for this other guy, who has never been married, no baggage, sweet sweet guy. But the road there is tough, because before I had never found someone I loved. But I cant have him to myself and I cant be happy with that. I can have better than this.

]]>By: Yvonne Rhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/why-wont-he-take-steps-to-finalize-his-divorce/comment-page-2/#comment-975433
Mon, 21 Oct 2013 05:32:36 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=7142#comment-975433My spouse left me and states his reasons are he doesn’t like paperwork and don’t have $450 for closing costs. He does get money though. He could just be really lazy. But apparently not affecting him to the point like above posters have said. If he wanted one he would do it. No kids. No property and still makes a man lazy.
]]>By: Melhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/why-wont-he-take-steps-to-finalize-his-divorce/comment-page-2/#comment-975119
Sun, 06 Oct 2013 19:39:14 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=7142#comment-975119I have been w my spouse almost 6 years in march. I left him for a year under the condition he divorces and he didn’t. We have 4 year old twins together, I love his his kids. It was a mess from the beginning he lost his job, bk, then got another, and now what are the excuses? I never wanted more kids till I met him I love him and love our kids but I’m tired of feeling like a mistress I’ve been understanding he put his wife on his insurance and not me I gave up so much for him. I have a heart disease and other medical problem and I can’t even go get help
]]>By: Esmyhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/why-wont-he-take-steps-to-finalize-his-divorce/comment-page-2/#comment-974617
Sun, 15 Sep 2013 15:40:53 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=7142#comment-974617I have been separated from my husband for five years, I have the money for the divorce but I just don’t need it. He has had three girlfriends, and all have asked him to file and he doesn’t. We don’t have any financial obligations to each other, we are both successful and have everything we need. We had property and we agreed to leave it to my daughter and now she owns everything. He doesn’t bother me and I don’t bother him. We live in different states and when either of us needs something we call each other. He helped me with my deposit for my new place, and paid my first months utilities, and he even paid for some of my gas and hotel stays when I was moving. I know if I was his girlfriend I wouldn’t put up with it, but hey they are the ones who stay. I know he doesn’t want to be with me because he tells me that I should find a good man. But I like my so called freedom, maybe the day I meet a good guy I will file. Until then it doesn’t affect me.
]]>By: Jenniferhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/why-wont-he-take-steps-to-finalize-his-divorce/comment-page-2/#comment-941528
Wed, 05 Jun 2013 06:02:50 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=7142#comment-941528My boyfriend hasn’t even filed uses the need money for lawyer excuse. I say u can file then get the lawyer but show me something.
dont know why I bother I’m always upset and now it’s affecting our relationship
she owns a building he wants in the divorce but it doesn’t natter I told him u will have to sell eeverything in just heartbroken trust Iyet end this relationship
if he loved me nothing would stand in his way
if he files and chases me I know it’s true
]]>By: candeehttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/why-wont-he-take-steps-to-finalize-his-divorce/comment-page-2/#comment-741390
Mon, 18 Mar 2013 08:23:47 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=7142#comment-741390I agree with Christie Hartman…
In my case it was the latter of the two reasons. He was too afraid of the emotional and financial crap PLUS he was didn’t want to be the “bad guy” and be labeled as the one who wanted a divorce. Honestly that is a piss selfish excuse. He had been miserable in his marriage and his wife was too. But even tho she had agreed to separate first, he was too chicken to make the final move of filing for divorce. But in the end the wife called him out on him seeing me before they were separated. So SHE filed for the divorce.
He thought he was in the clear but in reality he hadn’t dealt or thought about what would happen when he needed to go thru the divorce process. Things between us became more of a convenience for him. He began to take things for granted. Spent a lot of time trying to protect hos ego and image. Slowly started to shun me away because in his own words he didn’t know how to face his family and friends about his divorce and I would be viewed as the problem.
]]>By: Amandahttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/why-wont-he-take-steps-to-finalize-his-divorce/comment-page-2/#comment-488232
Mon, 12 Nov 2012 16:37:57 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=7142#comment-488232I am in a similar situation. I have been with my boyfriend for 4 in a half years. He wants a divorce, but does not want to pay for the whole thing.His ex only wants a divorce when she does not have a man in her life or no one supporting her. She goes through alot of men. She is now trying to go through my boyfriends mom. Plus she is calling me telling me that she just talked to my boyfriend. She even uses the kids as an excuse to talk and see him. My boyfriend does not fall for those games anymore like he used to. He is very happy with me. But he does not listen to when I tell him he needs to divorce her. He can pay for the divorce and have it in the divorce papers that she is to pay him for half for it. he thinks she will contest it. But they have gone to Family court several times over custody of the kids because she is never there for them and does not take proper care of them. I understand that it may cost more if she contests the divorce, but there is a chance the judge won’t let her. She is only looking for someone to support her 200% and take care of the kids 100% of the time. I am not wanting my boyfriend to get a divorce because i want to get married to him, because it is not that way. I am very content in how our relationship is. I just want it to be over between them and get it through her head he don’t want her. This is a tricky situation to be in. Because no matter how much I pressure him, I always feel like the bad guy. My boyfriend has gone as far as to ask me if I was jealous. That ticked me off and hurt. I am not jealous of her. I am a much better person than she is. I take care of my kids and theirs. At that point, I almost said enough is enough. I ended up walking out making my oldest watch her sisters. I didn’t tell him I was leaving and I refused to text him for hours. He had to find out from my daughter that I had left, but she still wouldn’t tell him where I was. My daughter only told him that he had hurt me by the words he said to me. So being with someone that is still legally married, is not as easy as it sounds. So if you are thinking about getting with someone that is married, then do some research and make sure they want to get a divorce before you get involved. I thought I could deal with it, but I was wrong. The exes always interfere with your life. i am thinking about giving him another year to file, then if he doesn’t leave him, because this is all way too much. Not only did I get a man who does love me, but I got his ex too. Don’t get me wrong, I love my boyfriend and his kids, just don’t like all the baggage that he is holding onto.
]]>By: Janhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/why-wont-he-take-steps-to-finalize-his-divorce/comment-page-2/#comment-452544
Thu, 25 Oct 2012 16:07:19 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=7142#comment-452544Unfortunately there is no good reason to be with a separated married man. I was also with one for 6 months. He was separated for 2 1/2 years and she cheated on him and moved in with her boyfriend. He was giving her money and said all the excusses in the book not to file for divorce. I told him from the start I wasn’t comfortable with it…he did nothing. But promised he would. Finally I said that’s it, I’m done and left. He begged and apologized and asked what he needed to do. I said get divorced. He still did nothing.

In these situations you have to look at Your feelings and if a guy doesn’t do anything immediatly is isn’t going to!!! That’s a fact! It will not change!

I knew then he never had any intention of divorcing her and I was just an easy escape for him and I am mad at myself for getting in the situation and also at him because he is a selfish person. Probably why she cheated on him!

]]>By: MonaBeehttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/why-wont-he-take-steps-to-finalize-his-divorce/comment-page-2/#comment-426683
Fri, 12 Oct 2012 09:05:06 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=7142#comment-426683A lot of advice says not to enter a relationship with a separated man. Trouble is, most woman looking for advice are right smack in the middle of a heart wrenching, bittersweet relationship. They love their separated man and wake up with a knot in their stomach and constant anxiety about the future. It really sucks. My bf was cheated on after 20 years of marriage. She moved out and bought a house. She got a lawyer and then they decided to go to mediation. Then they stopped and no one has got the ball rolling again. We’ve been dating a year. They are still married separated and living apart. A month ago I said its important he file. Month later. Nothing. I ask why and he says ‘I don’t know!!!’
Like others have said. He’s the perfect man…if it weren’t for this. I want marriage. I’ve been divorced for 7 years. I’m ready. As painful as it is, I know I’m going to have to leave him soon. Here he has a second chance at happiness and blowing it. I’ll come back and tell u guys if I pull the trigger.
]]>By: Redhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/why-wont-he-take-steps-to-finalize-his-divorce/comment-page-2/#comment-421748
Mon, 08 Oct 2012 05:36:35 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=7142#comment-421748How do you all feel about being in a relationship with a man who HAS started the divorce proceedings and actually has filed for the divorce/dissolution of marriage? Asking because that is my situation at this time.
]]>By: Rachelhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/why-wont-he-take-steps-to-finalize-his-divorce/comment-page-2/#comment-407625
Sun, 23 Sep 2012 01:27:49 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=7142#comment-407625you are the woman that I would love to meet in person, you affect their children more then the couples itself. Really, I was 13 leaving a voicemail on womans phone crying telling how much she ruined my family. They’re married, seriously. Back off.

you’re just explaining to eachother what he means…no the guy wants his family back, and the mother of their children back. He loves them and doesnt want to lose them….concentrate more being on some single men then the married ones. Really, there is assisting out there if they really want a divorce, but they will always love their children more then you and will always have the mother of their child on a pedastal.

]]>By: Rachelhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/why-wont-he-take-steps-to-finalize-his-divorce/comment-page-2/#comment-407623
Sun, 23 Sep 2012 01:24:37 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=7142#comment-407623if the man is still married, RED FLAG, HELLO!!!!!!!!
]]>By: Kayhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/why-wont-he-take-steps-to-finalize-his-divorce/comment-page-2/#comment-399779
Wed, 12 Sep 2012 04:20:43 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=7142#comment-399779I just asked my married but separated boyfriend of three years why it hasn’t happened yet and was greeted with much anger that I asked. He told me he is done talking about it and if I don’t want to be in a relationship with a married man then go find a single one. He claims he doesn’t have the money for a divorce but recently when a new tv was needed he signed a $2000 contract for a 64″. I have 1/2 my possessions in his house and sometimes feel I should get up and go.
]]>By: Kathleenhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/why-wont-he-take-steps-to-finalize-his-divorce/comment-page-2/#comment-389486
Fri, 24 Aug 2012 00:08:25 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=7142#comment-389486If Caitlin went out tonight and picked up a guy in a bar she would have a 90% better chance of a romantic married future than with the still married guy she’s with
]]>By: taliahttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/why-wont-he-take-steps-to-finalize-his-divorce/comment-page-2/#comment-389463
Thu, 23 Aug 2012 22:20:31 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=7142#comment-389463I’m in the same boat. The answer I get each time I ask where has the divorce got to and I’m met with ‘I’m sorting it – besides why’s a divorce so important to take place right this minute? My hearts with you, if I was unfaithful I could go back to her divorce or no divorce’.
]]>By: WomeninMasshttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/why-wont-he-take-steps-to-finalize-his-divorce/comment-page-2/#comment-362673
Wed, 11 Jul 2012 13:15:33 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=7142#comment-362673I”m the same woman who posted #39 and 41.. omg I forgot I posted it.. you can see how it all turned out for me! At the end he ended it.. didn’t want to get his divorce and chose the wife over me.. I knew if something happened to him it would. I’m a medium and I knew it anyways.. so glad im out of it.
]]>By: WomeninMasshttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/why-wont-he-take-steps-to-finalize-his-divorce/comment-page-2/#comment-362670
Wed, 11 Jul 2012 13:10:33 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=7142#comment-362670I will tell you your situation is not much different than mine. I dated a separated man and in the end I saved his life and he chose to be with his family over me. Many men do not want to get a divorce or make it final. Now that I”m out of it im grateful that it’s over. It was painful to see him do all this stuff for his wife and not for me. He’d go and visit his kids and paint their house, go up for all the holiday weekends, and I’m wondering when he will file for his divorce and make it final so we could have a life.. one year and alot of sadness over it. My advice, leave him til he files. if he doesn’t he’s not as committed as you are. I saw it all come down when I saved his life and the wife showed up.. I was shoved to the side and all of a sudden I didn’t exist anymore and he told me it’s too much for me.. even though he wanted to marry me.. Men just want to have their cake and eat it too. I’ll never date a man unless he’s completely single and that includes emotionally and legally.. too much to be the woman on the side and waiting and waiting for nothing to happen! They should end something before they begin it with someone else!
]]>By: Clarehttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/why-wont-he-take-steps-to-finalize-his-divorce/comment-page-2/#comment-346715
Thu, 21 Jun 2012 12:24:48 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=7142#comment-346715I can’t claim to know what’s going on in this man’s mind. But not risking ending up in this kind of limbo scenario is one of the reasons I’d never get involved with someone who was separated, not divorced. If they have not actually taken the legal steps to break the tie between them, I just feel it’s safer not to go there as a third party.
]]>By: Ellehttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/why-wont-he-take-steps-to-finalize-his-divorce/comment-page-2/#comment-231992
Tue, 27 Dec 2011 18:36:17 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=7142#comment-231992Caitlyn,
It’s tough and I’m in the same boat. He found me online at a dating site and asked me out. I told him no because he was separated and not divorced. He pursued me to meet him and we did. He was completely honest about his situation and asked for a 2nd date and I said “no” again. But he ended up being my friend and then we fell in love. It’s been almost 6 months now. He and his extobe live hundreds of miles away from eachother, yet he’s waiting for her to file. We have a beautiful relationship. I’ve been introduced to his colleages, friends, and family. Yet when he’s visiting his kids he’s in the same house as his ex. He does call me from there but it bothers me. He and I have talked about how well we get along and he wants to marry me when his things are finalized. He bought me a ring also (not engagement) as a commitment type. I’m very happy, however in the back of my mind, I wonder how this will all work out. He’s been afraid to push it on his end because of the kids and he doesnt’ want to look like the bad guy. But I did tell him I love him very much but if he doesn’t push it, I’m gone. I cannot get deeper and deeper into loving him with no permanent commitment. Even if we don’t marry, I would not feel right dating someone who is still married. What happens if something happens to him? Who do you think the police will contact – you? No, his wife! What happens if she uses the kids to try to make him feel guilty to try to get back together or is jealous he now has a life with you and wants to get back together with him? See when they are with us, they are in “bliss” and when they are with their kids and dealing with their ex’s they are in the married land.. they cannot have both! I’ve already been married, went through a tough divorce, and don’t’ want to get heartbroken again. So I’m giving mine a time line to file (in the back of my mind, not telling him) and if he doesn’t I’m gone until he does. It hurts too much to be the “other woman” and not have him a 100% as a boyfriend or husband.. it will always be in the back of my mind. I agree with all the folks on here who says, if he really wants a divorce, he’ll get one. If mine wants one too, he will get one. He will loose a woman who really loves him if he doesn’t, me. He cannot have his cake and eat it too. I know how it is, when I was married and starting my divorce process my ex dated and so I did too. it’s so easy to go home and see your ex and kids and feel one way and then when your with your girlfriend another way. It’s darn hard though to deal with the legalities of it and so many put it off. I was strong enough not to as my marriage was bad, but if they get along ok and their are no major reasons to do it and not to upset the kids, well they may look at it is “why should I upset the apple cart”? I wish you the best in your decision. I will be facing it myself too sometime soon if he does not get the ball rolling. I’m available and he isn’t.
]]>By: mariahttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/why-wont-he-take-steps-to-finalize-his-divorce/comment-page-2/#comment-205209
Sun, 20 Nov 2011 20:07:01 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=7142#comment-205209i have been with my boyfriend for 3 and half yrs. When i met him he said he is going to get divorced and he wanted to marry me. I believed him as he stopped seeing other different women and stuck with me. we broke up 3 time by now and everytime he managed to convince me that he is going to get divorced and so many deadlines has passed. Now am pregnant 8wks and now he says he cant take a divorce as it will affect his 3 children with her and he doesnt want to marry me. Now he is completely avoiding me. Am planning to approach the court for the child maintainence support!!!!

Believe me your boyfriend is never going to take a divorce. If you really think he loves you, you could try break up spells or black magic, etc,.. to make you convince that you have done everything you could to make it work!!!!
Good luck

]]>By: Christie Hartmanhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/why-wont-he-take-steps-to-finalize-his-divorce/comment-page-2/#comment-156785
Fri, 27 May 2011 16:48:48 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=7142#comment-156785Caitlin, you need to read Dating the Divorced Man. If I had a dollar for every time I got an email with a story like this one, I’d be sitting on a nice stack of cash. Why doesn’t he get a divorce? One of two reasons: he’s hoping to reconcile, or he’s too lazy to divorce because, deep down, he’s AFRAID of dealing with all the emotional and financial fallout that comes with it. Your best bet is to let him go and tell him to contact you when he’s taken real action and is moving forward. Don’t reinforce his lack of action.
]]>By: Amyhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/why-wont-he-take-steps-to-finalize-his-divorce/comment-page-2/#comment-155358
Thu, 19 May 2011 04:20:58 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=7142#comment-155358He is clearly no over the wife, and the wife is not over him! Run while ya can sistah! And find somebody who is commited to you, you deserve your own future ex husband! Not somebody else’s!
]]>By: Shourakuhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/why-wont-he-take-steps-to-finalize-his-divorce/comment-page-2/#comment-154858
Sun, 15 May 2011 16:54:54 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=7142#comment-154858@Nicole #34

Kate #29 said:

Here’s why I don’t divorce: 1) I was the defendant in a very ugly lawsuit. I can’t deal with going to court again.

Kate #31 said:

All I can say is that my getting a divorce would be painful. I can avoid that pain.

Part (NOT ALL) of her reason for not getting divorced is due to difficult legal situation(s) she has admittedly been threw in the past. To be perfectly frank, I do feel bad for people who have had to go threw that, though I am also happy that she has been able to do the very best with what she has.

]]>By: Nicolehttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/why-wont-he-take-steps-to-finalize-his-divorce/comment-page-2/#comment-154845
Sun, 15 May 2011 13:26:09 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=7142#comment-154845@Shouraku,
I don’t think that you need to pity Kate Candy. Her situation is one that has worked out perfectly b/c all parties involved are getting what they want. If her ex’s girlfriend was Caitlin, it would be a different story, because Caitlin sounds like she’d like to get married and have kids. So it’s not the same at all.

If I was to guess, some of the people who are okay with a status quo of never being married to the person that they are seriously dating have already been married, had kids, etc. Some are likely older and maybe have their own homes and routines.

But for someone who wants to build a life with someone else, this would be an intolerable situation, and if Caitlin is in fact hoping to do that she needs to do what Evan suggested and move on if necessary. And the advice that she OWN her feelings and stop trying to hide them in altruism regarding her boyfriend’s feelings was spot on. This affects her, and it’s okay if she admits it.

Kate Candy sounds like she is dating men who are okay without ever getting married too. But let’s not act like no men ever want to get married and are always okay dating separated women. This isn’t really a gender issue, and we shouldn’t make it into one. A man who wants to get married will want to date a woman who is legally available for that. A man who doesn’t will be thrilled to be with a woman who possibly will never can ask for that. But it’s not ALL men who consider permanent singlehood to be the best thing ever.

Add me to the list of people who skip over “separated” or even people whose first paragraph or two talks about how they just got divorced (and other overshares-amazing how many people think givng the history of a recently ended marriage will pull in the ladies). Too soon. Not for moral reasons, as some might suggest, but just b/c it’s unlikely that their end goal is going to match my end goal(and some of the oversharers are kind enough to admit it). And that is just a HUGE waste of time and energy for anyone.

]]>By: Shourakuhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/why-wont-he-take-steps-to-finalize-his-divorce/comment-page-2/#comment-154601
Thu, 12 May 2011 20:59:35 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=7142#comment-154601I personally would not enter into a relationship with a separated person, and not because there exists the chance that they may go back to their spouse or be emotionally unavailable. Many people (like Kate Candy #31) are rational and have a good hold on their single life even though they are not divorced. Thus, I am not worried about what will happen if out relationship “doesn’t work out”, but I am worried about what will happen if it goes very well.

My issue is with the legal state that a separated person is in. Separated people are still legally bound to another person. This means that (in many states) my partner’s ex receives protections like: partner sick leave, hospital visitation rights, automatic inheritance, etc.

Lets say that our relationship is going exceptionally well, and we decided to purchase a house together. Then my partner is involved in a car crash and dies. Even if he left me his half of the house in his will, his ex can still contest it. I may have to pay to go to court and fight to prevent his ex from taking half of a house that should be mine. Or, say he lives but falls into a coma, I may have to deal with his ex having the legal right to take him off life support.

Even if no tragedy ever befalls our happy relationship, I have no desire to risk being sued for alienation of affection and potentially be financially ruined because his “wife” suddenly decided to go crazy on us one day.

And even if you decide to work as a couple, take precautions and work threw all these issues, there are still all the unknown factors that you cant account for until they fall into your lap, such as:

Olivia Shelltrack and Fondray Loving, a couple of 13 years moved in with their two children and a third child from Olivia’s previous relationship. The city denied them an occupancy permit because its zoning laws prohibit more than three people unrelated by blood, marriage or adoption from living together. The family faced fines of up to $500 every week for living in their home without an approved occupancy permit.

My heart goes out to people like Kate Candy and the man that Evan’s original article referenced. I hate to see good people be stuck in such a difficult position. But that does not change the fact that a LTR with a separated person would leave me in the role of “mistress” not “wife” as the law sees it. If the person were legally single then it would not be such a big deal, but the minute that you agree to be a mistress knowing that a wife is out there, then you are opening yourself up to all sorts of potential legal issues down the road, even if your partner is a saint and your relationship is exemplary.
]]>By: SShttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/why-wont-he-take-steps-to-finalize-his-divorce/comment-page-2/#comment-154596
Thu, 12 May 2011 20:27:59 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=7142#comment-154596@Kate 31And this is important to women who read this blog. Men will do what they want. My ex wants to see me. He does not want to sleep with me. That’s why we separated. So he meets me for lunch and coffee before he goes home. His girlfriend will be away for part of the summer and we’re planning our 4th of July barbecue. People who read this might be outraged. People will think my ex is a jerk. But he’s not. Relationships are complicated.
A while ago, I might have been outraged, but a little bit of age and wisdom has led me to recognize that situations don’t always fit into neat little boxes.
HOWEVER… there is still a lesson that people can learn from your experience and that of the letter writer, and it’s called knowing what you want.
For example… when I was a never-married woman, I dated a guy who was separated (didn’t know this at first… he said he was divorced, but that wasn’t it). So many people said I should give him time, but I moved on after a few months and cut off contact with him. Why? Because I wanted to be married. I wanted someone who did not have lingering ties with an ex-wife and a complicated situation that had nothing to do with me. Women who don’t want to deal with other people’s complicated situations should not get involved with people in complicated situations.

On the other hand, I know people who have been married before and are now divorced and not looking to marry again. They might enjoy dating and having a “companion,” but they don’t want to move in with that person, live day-to-day life with that person, etc. This person might be the perfect candidate to date a separated man or woman.

But for all of the women I know out there who have never been married, want kids before it’s “too late,” etc., I don’t understand at all why they put themselves in a situation where they are dealing with a man who is not only not in position to really offer them that, but has no plans whatsoever to reduce contact with an ex-wife/wife and her family. And honestly, why should he just because YOU, a new prospect of six months or less, came along and want more?

It’s best to leave a separated person alone if marriage is your goal.
]]>By: Kate Candyhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/why-wont-he-take-steps-to-finalize-his-divorce/comment-page-2/#comment-154589
Thu, 12 May 2011 19:19:41 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=7142#comment-154589Thank you, Goldie. Most people will agree with you. As for an LTR, I think someone posted that women are more leery of men being separated than women being separated. All I can say is that my getting a divorce would be painful. I can avoid that pain. People are really freaked out by this. I think people do not like ambiguity. One should be married or divorced or single. But as I say to the guys I date, I would still be friends with my ex even if we divorced. We are not trying to get back together. I think male-female friendship is difficult for people to understand. On some visceral level, people do not want my ex and I to be close friends. Everyone is confused by this. I think if people were a bit more open-minded, relationships could flourish. Women want to possess men. They want to be the only female influence on men, so they limit their men’s interaction with other women. My ex’s girlfriend does not want him to spend time with me. He still does. I’ve told him that he shouldn’t lie to her; he says he’s not, but I think she’s made such a fuss that he avoids being truthful with her.

And this is important to women who read this blog. Men will do what they want. My ex wants to see me. He does not want to sleep with me. That’s why we separated. So he meets me for lunch and coffee before he goes home. His girlfriend will be away for part of the summer and we’re planning our 4th of July barbecue. People who read this might be outraged. People will think my ex is a jerk. But he’s not. Relationships are complicated.

People want things in neat black and white rows and columns. The OP that started this thread wants her boyfriend to divorce. That will make everything better. If only, he were divorced! But then what? This guy has character issues that will not be solved by him signing divorce papers. The OP is not listening/hearing/interested in who the guy really is or what he really wants. She’s making decisions for him. He’s not happy. She’s not happy. Bad.

]]>By: Goldiehttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/why-wont-he-take-steps-to-finalize-his-divorce/#comment-154564
Thu, 12 May 2011 15:58:19 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=7142#comment-154564@ Kate #29, I guess I do understand your reason #4, but not the other three. ##1 and 2, if you guys are all cool, you can settle out of court for a very low amount. And #3, first of all, who cares what people say? Second, yeah when I was 20, everyone was in fact asking why I was still single and whether I had found someone and there was this really nice boy they knew… no one asks me now. I guess after a certain age, provided you’ve already done your time, you’re allowed to be single 😉 And finally, if you want people to think you’re married, well just tell them you’re married – what are they going to do, ask for your marriage certificate? 😉

As far as getting dates, heck I could get dates (if I wanted to) when I was still married and living together… A serious LTR is another story. If a man has not finalized his divorce, doesn’t have a good reason why, and cannot tell when it is going to be final, I’d be leery of entering into an LTR with him, because to me it’d be like living on a ticking time bomb – anything could happen any day, from him going back to his wife to his wife suing for alienation of affection, cuz guess what, I am living with her husband… unless there is a compelling reason for him to be separated and not divorced, I’ll pass.

Not trying to convince you or anything, it’s just that three out of your four reasons don’t sound compelling to me.
]]>By: Kate Candyhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/why-wont-he-take-steps-to-finalize-his-divorce/#comment-154500
Thu, 12 May 2011 04:53:57 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=7142#comment-154500Lance, thank you for the compliment. Here’s why I don’t divorce: 1) I was the defendant in a very ugly lawsuit. I can’t deal with going to court again. 2) I planned and paid for the wedding. If he wants a divorce, he can file the papers and pay for it. 3) I really liked being married. Before I got married, everyone (and I do mean everyone) wanted to get their two cents in on my being single. “Have you met anyone” and “Is it going anywhere” were frequent questions and I felt bad for not living up to everyone’s expectations. Now, people ask if I’m married, I say “Yes,” or “Yes, I’m separated” and it’s a different conversation. and 4) I’m an orphan without siblings. My ex is my emergency contact. When I tell people I date these reasons for not divorcing, they say, “Yeah, but….”, but what? My ex has a girlfriend. They live together. We’re all cool. What’s the big deal. And ps, I don’t have any problems getting dates. As someone here said, guys aren’t that reluctant to date someone who’s separated. At least, they know I won’t pressure them to get married.
]]>By: Lancehttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/why-wont-he-take-steps-to-finalize-his-divorce/#comment-154498
Thu, 12 May 2011 04:43:55 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=7142#comment-154498@Kate Candy, love your response. If you’re still reading these comments, what are your reasons for NOT ever getting a divorce? That’s interesting information.
]]>By: Janethttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/why-wont-he-take-steps-to-finalize-his-divorce/#comment-154369
Wed, 11 May 2011 04:47:18 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=7142#comment-154369When a relationship lead to this kind of situation, there is usually something else involved rather than purely love. I think there is something about financial issue and getting divorce would be super complicated with the legal system.
]]>By: Lainehttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/why-wont-he-take-steps-to-finalize-his-divorce/#comment-154363
Wed, 11 May 2011 03:31:52 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=7142#comment-154363Gem at #3 summed it up succintly. Separated men are unavailable as they have unfinished business emotionally, legally and financially despite them often believing otherwise. They may feel ready to move onto another relationship, when infact what they are doing is covering up the pain of the marriage breakdown. They move from having a sense of being part of a couple, straight into still being a couple. Any psychologist worth their salt will tell you that you need time alone between relationships to find yourself as an individual again and not transfer problems in the marriage onto the next relationship. Separated is just another way of saying”still married”. Move on and tell him you can no longer see him whist he remains married. Good luck to you.
]]>By: Margohttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/why-wont-he-take-steps-to-finalize-his-divorce/#comment-154341
Wed, 11 May 2011 00:39:07 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=7142#comment-154341@M #22, agreed. This is just a bad situation. The OP should run from this fast. This man refuses to go ahead with the divorce. He is only concerned about himself and his own emotional and financial needs right now. Whatever he chooses to do at this time, whomever he chooses to live and spend time with, He’s still married! What don’t women understand about that?? Another dating coach has said, “If he’s still hers, he can’t be yours!”
]]>By: Starrhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/why-wont-he-take-steps-to-finalize-his-divorce/#comment-154340
Wed, 11 May 2011 00:36:47 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=7142#comment-154340As a recently divorced woman, I couldn’t WAIT to get the final paperwork and move on. Could it be possible that these people who don’t get divorced may still want to be together? I would not date a man who was still married, i.e. separated…too many loose ends and potential problems (like this).

Based on the responses here it is clear that relationships are complicated and we all vary in what we deem acceptable and if a person is happy with whatever situation they are in, then great, but this women is clearly not happy with the situation and may benefit from broadening her prospects. If this guy is really serious about her, then he’ll take steps to proceed with a divorce. Or not. And then she’ll know if he’s the one for her.