For those who have the same warped sense of humour this Letter can also be had in French.
(Complaints can be addressed to the Blog Council, your nearest newspaper, radio or TV station and when you leave this blog remember to pull the chain)
*Terms & Conditions Apply, if you can find them.

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Silensing the people - draconian new law

Dear President Jacob Zuma,

If you take off your dark glasses for a
moment you’ll see that it’s only a very small section of the population that
believes you should change your spots. They’re barking
up the wrong treecompletely when they run down
your brilliant idea to change South Africa’s national coat of arms to
something more meaningful.

With that in mind I’ve attached a few
ideas that could form the basis of the new design. These are so appropriate in
a view of the modern direction in which you are leading our country with your see no
evil, hear no evil and speak no evil legislation.

The one with
bananas is very much in keeping with African culture that has spawned so
many of those wonderful banana republics that have all adopted this approach.

Enough of the praise. I thought you should know that I’ve come
across something of great national importance to South Africa.
It’s something that could ---- your Government
sky high.

It concerns a ----- of well ------- ,
well ----- people who are hell bent on ---------- our country.

I’m not talking about the usual Government officials who are busy ---------- their
nests with the tax payers help and your ----- ing. No, this is a lot more
serious than that.

But thank goodness
your Government has ensured that I can’t talk about these things. I didn’t even mention
it to my four wives and ten children.

They’ve kept
secrets before but I couldn’t trust them with this one. After all who wants to
spend 20 years in one of our overcrowded jails now that you have very wisely
outlawedloosetalkwith your Protection of State
Information Bill?

That sort of thing only alarms
everybody and gives people the ----- idea about our leaders.

In the past anybody who had stumbled on
the kind of information I’m not talking about would have rushed to some
newspaper or TV channel and then it would have been all over the place.

Now, thank
goodness, all we are going to get is the good news. It’s so much more uplifting
than the kind of thing I’m not talking about.

Shutting up whistleblowers is long
overdue. All they do is tell lies, disturb the neighbourhood and wake babies.
So that’s another service you have done for our country Jacob.

And if anybody knows what hell it can
be when somebody wakes the little ones, it’s you. I’m not sure if I’m allowed
to mention how many you’ve got or whether that’s now classified. But don’t
worry I’m not taking any chances.

Don’t let those
depressed Western Nations try and tell you that preventing people from
blabbing about all our secrets will do irreparable harm to our country. Look
where that policy has got them.

In Britain
for instance, if you were a celebrity or somebody else in the public eye you
couldn’t even fart in private without it making headlines somewhere or other.
So it looks as though they will soon be coming round to your way of thinking.

And if Joseph
Stalin and the rest of that Commy mob
could successfully keep the Soviet
Union going for all those years there can’t be much wrong
with this closedmouth policy of yours. If it does nothing
else my neighbour will think twice about telling everybody what he thinks I’m
doing with the girl down the road, when it’s a figment of his imagination.

I hope, Mr
President that you are going to have enough secret police to back up
this new legislation. Why not do what the Russians
did and get everybody to spy on everybody else.

My mistake.
That won’t work. In such a law abiding country as ours nobody will ever talk
about these things once there’s a law against it. They are too patriotic to do
anything that would endanger the security of the State.

And you and your Government
are shining examples of this kind of thinking.

As you rightly surmised, all our people
needed was a good, healthy Act of Parliament to
spell it out for them.

Thanks for your foresight Mr President.

Yours faithfully,

Jon

P.S. I badly need coaching from one
of your advisers just to make sure that I don’t end up being WANTED.

BUY MY BOOK ‘WHERE HAVE ALL THE CHILDREN
GONE’ ON Amazon Kindle IT’S A
THRILLER WITH AN UNDERLYING LOVE STORY THAT DEFIED GENERATIONS OF
PREJUDICE.

No comments:

Post a Comment

twitter

tweet

About Me

I was born in South Africa just before the Boer War whenever that was?
Started life with a golden spoon in my mouth which made eating rather difficult as a result I was under nourished as a child.
Went to a posh school where I only got moved up a class when my old man donated another sight screen for the cricket pitch.
Career prospects were dismal and I was once turned down for a job in the London sewers. "Too highly qualified;"that’s what they said.
I became a journalist when the Police Force wouldn’t have me.
Like most journos I know nothing about everything but I still write about it.
I decided to have my own blog so I wouldn't have to drink with the editor for hours on end to get my stuff published when according to my independent assessment it’s always of great news value.
My religious beliefs are: You only die once so remember, "You can’t be serious and Have Fun."
NEWS FLASH: I've just been appointed the Poor Man's Press Ombudsman by Presidential Decree (Not to be confused with the PRESS COUNCIL OF SOUTH AFRICA'S, SA Press Ombudsman)