Jean Thompson column: There's more to marriage than 'the day'

Recently, while killing time in a waiting room, I read an article on the current decline of marriage in the marriage-age population and was amazed at the shallowness of the concept of marriage in those being interviewed.

It also gave me an insight into the possible reason for the brevity of marriages followed by early divorce. I know there are often good reasons for couples to separate but maybe their reasons for marrying in the first place were driven by either marketing or Hollywood.

The woman whose story shocked me most has a couple of children and has been living with her male partner for quite a few years in a comfortable home and with the mandatory two cars, etc. It sounds like a marriage except for the paperwork.

They each have good jobs and a comfortable income but feel they cannot afford to marry. When pressed further, the woman explained that the wedding she envisions would cost well over $30,000 because she needs to have "her special day" with gorgeous gown, bridesmaids, limos and basically a Princess Di gala.

She needs to be queen for a day, no matter what the price. I'm not sure where the bridegroom fits into this fantasy (or the current children) but this is what "marriage" means to her.

This picture of glitz, glamour and selfishness is not a foundation for a lasting union.

After 59 years of marriage and the recent death of my husband, my concept has remained unchanged. You marry because you want to share life together - in sickness and in health - and this means a commitment to each other and your life together, no matter how hard it may be at times.

You can start out with no money, with rent and tuition yet to be paid, and work together to achieve a partnership if you have the love, respect and commitment to each other.

This does not guarantee years of uninterrupted bliss. The arrival of eagerly awaited children can engender unforeseen happiness, anguish and sometimes grief. Together, you work through whatever life brings, or what you sometimes bring on yourself through misunderstandings or anger.

If you love each other and are not undergoing abuse, there will be that constant knowledge of partnership and commitment.

I will never pretend that our marriage was perfect, uninterrupted bliss. We had a tragedy that was life-changing for us, and moments of comedy that we could look back on and laugh at again and again.

There were times when the only thing that kept me going was his continuing love and support, sometimes undeserved but always appreciated.

There were times when I was able to keep him from the abyss of depression by encouragement, will power and love.

Fidelity is key and love is encompassed in it. These are the things that make a marriage stronger and enable it to surmount whatever befalls it.

Always, there must be a sense of humor, the willingness to forgive and the determination to keep going along the road of life together.

There hasn't been a single moment of regret that I had no Princess Di day. I know that such an event would have been a nightmare for my husband, although he may never have objected.

As the end drew near for him, I realized what a blessing and privilege it was for me to be able to care for him at home. I knew him so well that, when his speech became blurred, I could decipher what he needed and provide it to the best of my abilities.

He never complained during his final weeks and worried more about me than himself. In his predicament, I would probably not do so well.

The end of our marriage came with his peaceful passing from this life but I have my memories.

My advice to all the brides planning their weddings, whether large or small, is to remember the important things that, with determination and fidelity, will make the marriage last until one of you is taken away.

Glitz and glamour won't do the job!

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Jean Thompson column: There's more to marriage than 'the day'

Recently, while killing time in a waiting room, I read an article on the current decline of marriage in the marriage-age population and was amazed at the shallowness of the concept of marriage in

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