a medical librarian's adventures in evidence-based living

HOW TO FIND A POST

HOW TO FIND A POST

If you came to this page from a Google search, click on Edit in the search bar on top of your screen. Then click on Find & type in the KEYWORD you are looking for, like CERTO. You'll get to the exact spot you are searching for.

Kids who are above average, sleep through the night, are easy-going and lots of fun

The gift of balancing your life, your work and your family

Enough money to feel both secure and generous. Not so much that you become out-of-touch & spoiled.

The knowledge that it's your friends, family & experiences that will bring you your greatest joys. Invest your time and money accordingly.

If you received this via email click here to go to the web version & all the links.

This week I happened upon three separate articles that neatly wrap-up some old-fashioned wisdom about the nature of happiness. Hint: It's not money, new electronics, or long hours at work that bring us our greatest happiness. But we already knew that. Right?

Dr. Peter Pronovost's Personal Daily Checklist. Pronovost was one of Time Magazine's 2008 Most Influential People of the Year--the Johns Hopkins anesthesiologist & internationally prominent patient safety researcher who developed a simple five item checklist to be used in intensive care units. It's intended to minimize human error, cut down on preventable infections & patient mortality. Pronovost's simple five item checklist, now expanded to a 19 item checklist, has slashed post-surgical infections & deaths, beyond anyone's wildest expectations. Without adding a single piece of equipment or spending one extra dollar, hospitals that used the checklist saw complications drop by 36%, and deaths drop by 47%. Where did Pronovost come up with the idea? From the checklists that all pilots use to clear their planes for take-off! For more about Pronovost, click here and here.

The 2010 reissue of two 1913 marriage manuals,Don'ts for Husbands and Don'ts for Wives. Turns out that 21st century couples can learn a thing or two from our parents' or grandparents' generation. Suzanne Wright, a writer for WebMD has put together a list of twelve 1913 retro tips for a happy marriage, with marriage professionals weighing in to explain why they work. After being married for almost 39 years, I'm here to tell you that these are gems. As marriage expert Gerard Leeds says, "There's a lot of wisdom to be gained from our parents or grandparents. They had companionship marriages, but we've raised the bar--we want romance, great sex, and more intimacy. We can reconcile these two approaches--with some of the gentleness and graciousness of previous generations and the technology and savvy of today's marriages. Click here for the article.

But Will It Make You Happy? Stephanie Rosenbloom's August 7, 2010 New York Times Business Section article. The days of full employment, annual raises, bigger-and-better houses, and conspicuous consumption may be long gone--and they may never come back. Turns out there is a definite upside to having less money to spend on "more things"--and getting out of debt. Bottom Line: Working more to be able to buy more isn't going to bring anyone lasting happiness. It's relationships, experiences, and having more free time to enjoy them that will "bring home the bacon". And there is a whole slew of research to back this up!

What's on Dr. Peter J. Pronovost's Personal Checklist

It's simple. It can be eye-opening. And after trying it out myself, I recommend it wholeheartedly.

According to Pronovost, his checklist is all about ensuring that his relationships with God, his family, himself, and others get the necessary attention. Why? Because, he knows they are what he needs to thrive--and the only way that can happen is if he puts in the time to nurture them.

1. Set aside time every day for spiritual reflection. (me: A walk, meditation time, prayer, or dipping into spiritual writings. It takes so little time, but gives so much reward. So, why is it so hard to find the time?)

2. Ask my wife and children at the end of every week how I've done as a husband and father. It's humbling: My son will say, 'When you're with me, I don't want you on your BlackBerry'. (me: Now, this item can definitely feel a little humbling. I had to brace myself. After asking son #2 Pronovost's question I was surprised to learn that he appreciates my interest in his work & life. After asking my husband the same question I realized I can sometimes have a too-critical tone, and I need to make the time to clean off my dusty hardly-used golf clubs, and replace my 23 year-old too-heavy bike--before the summer is over. Golf & outdoor biking are 2 activities he'd like us to share.)

3. Stay healthy, physically and emotionally. I keep my weight even by prohibiting snacks and forgoing cocktails, which reduce my willpower. And I bolster my emotional health by reading only for pleasure after 9 PM. (me: The reading for pleasure is definitely advice I needed to hear. My shelves are packed with medical journal articles and non-fiction. Bring on the novels. Just started Nextfor next month's book club. Anyone read it?)

4. Make a lunch date every week with someone new or even just someone I haven't seen in a while. (me: I just had lunch last week with a woman a met by chance last year at my local beauty shop. We literally spoke for 7 minutes but instantly knew we had so much in common. One year later (this past Friday) we met for a delightful two hour lunch.) Pronovost is right--make those lunch dates!)

According to Pronovost, checklists should be communal--pulling people together so we can all improve our health.

Source: Prevention September 2010. "Meet the Expert Who May Have Saved Your Life." pg. 10

1. Reinstate Civility. "Please," "thank you,", "pardon me" and "may I" are phrases that seemed to have all but disappeared from present-day vocabularies, especially with our loved ones. From long-time marrieds Lilo and Gerard Leeds, "When speaking to your spouse, don't be rude, be respectful. Use a combination of old-school civility and modern frankness. Try adding more sweetness and tenderness by saying more things lovingly."

2. Hit the Dance Floor. From Paul Bolotovsky, "The old days of ballroom dancing and swing have a lot to offer today's couples. The touch, teamwork, energy, music, anticipation, and companionship are all wonderful byproducts after a night of dancing." (Swing, square, contra, & jitterbug are my personal favorites.)

3. Have Couple Fun. Bridge, pinochle, poker, and board games were all common activities shared by our parents & their friends--but not so much any more. The same can be said for "just visiting"--remember that 1950's quaint activity? From Rhonda Fine, PhD, "Play board games with other couples! It's fun and a great way to be social with others, and playful with one another." My new game recommendation recently played with Tess & Les, is Hit or Miss. The Game Where Great Minds Think Alike.

4. Give Compliments. To give a compliment, you've got to pay attention--really notice something about someone. Psychotherapist, Tina Tessina, PhD, notes, "It costs nothing to say, 'You look good,' 'You did a great job,' or 'I like your shirt'. Face it, who doesn't feel reassured, and happier when they receive a sincere specific compliment? We can all give more of them. And giving compliments just plain feels good.

5. Cut Back on Complaints. Couples of past generations knew when to hold their tongues. According to therapist & author Terrance Real, a stumbling block in modern marriage is the constant soundtrack of discord. "Our generation thinks that closeness comes from sharing everything, letting each other know how miserable you are. But it doesn't motivate me to treat you better." Relaying every annoyance is a bad idea. Instead, pick your battles. "Not everything needs to be addressed."

6. Hold Hands. Tessina says: "There's an actual electrical connection that passes between us when we touch. You can use that electrical connection to provide juice in your marriage. Give each other little pats and gentle touches and hold hands frequently when you're walking or driving and you'll keep the energy--and the sweetness--flowing between you."

7. Maintain Same-Sex Friends--and Interests. "It's only during the past couple of decades that couples expected to share a bulk of their free time together. Couples in past generations didn't necessarily want to participate in each others hobbies." Kathy Stafford, a North Carolina relationship expert advises couples to keep close ties with their same-sex friends throughout marriage. "My parents had separate interests. Dad belonged to a men's club, and Mom belonged to a ladies-only club. This gave them both time to cultivate their own interests, and they weren't totally reliant on each other for their entertainment." Backpacking & running fall into that men-friend activity category, as far as I'm concerned. Mahj & chick-flicks fall into the women-friend category, as far as my husband is concerned.

8. Try Thoughtful Little Acts. "Back in the day, with fewer stresses, limited technology and less multi-tasking, couples were more "present" in their relationships. The presence of little, daily thoughtful acts showed caring and appreciation for one another." How's this for retro: making breakfast for your spouse or packing their lunch, bringing them coffee in the morning or a drink or glass of wine at the end of the day, warming up their car or putting their keys and other personal effects on the the hall table, ready to go? Retro, sure. But, who wouldn't appreciate these little kindnesses? My husband gets huge points in this department for: filling up my gas tank & checking the air in my tires when he borrowed my car this week, cleaning up the kitchen after I cooked dinner, picking up the CSA box, making cucumber soup (thank you Susan for the recipe) and an amazing pumpkin penne pasta dish, calling to see if I needed anything at the grocery store, making the coffee when he got up first, and so much more.

New York Times: Money. Will It Make You Happy?

I've always said that the best gift my parents gave me was the opportunity to grow up on a shoestring--but not realize how little money we had. It's great preparation for lean times.

We had "just enough". Half of a duplex in a community with good schools, plenty to eat, and bargain basement clothes that weren't an embarrassment. My mom definitely had fashion sense & could dress us on a shoestring. One used car, one shower-less bathroom, shampooing in the kitchen sink--but our house was paid off.

Who needed vacations when we had a community pool where we could swim everyday, a street full of kids, a front porch to hang out on, parks, and day-trips to the beach?

My parents taught me the pleasure of not-spending, and getting enjoyment out of the weekly trip to the library, or the occasional ice cream cone.

So, when I saw Saturday's New York Times piece by Stephanie Rosenbloom, "But Will It Make You Happy?", I felt a rush of nostalgia. Finally, we're seeing a throwback to those simpler less-emphasis-on-money-we're-now-all-in-the-same-boat, it's hip-to-be-cheap days! Hooray!

"SHE had so much.

A two-bedroom apartment. Two cars. Enough wedding china to serve two dozen people.

Yet Tammy Strobel wasn’t happy. Working as a project manager with an investment management firm in Davis, Calif., and making about $40,000 a year, she was, as she put it, caught in the “work-spend treadmill.”

So one day she stepped off.

Inspired by books and blog entries about living simply, Ms. Strobel and her husband, Logan Smith, both 31, began donating some of their belongings to charity. As the months passed, out went stacks of sweaters, shoes, books, pots and pans, even the television after a trial separation during which it was relegated to a closet. Eventually, they got rid of their cars, too. Emboldened by a Web site that challenges consumers to live with just 100 personal items, Ms. Strobel winnowed down her wardrobe and toiletries to precisely that number.

Her mother called her crazy.

Today, three years after Ms. Strobel and Mr. Smith began downsizing, they live in Portland, Ore., in a spare, 400-square-foot studio with a nice-sized kitchen. Mr. Smith is completing a doctorate in physiology; Ms. Strobel happily works from home as a Web designer and freelance writer. She owns four plates, three pairs of shoes and two pots. With Mr. Smith in his final weeks of school, Ms. Strobel’s income of about $24,000 a year covers their bills. They are still car-free but have bikes. One other thing they no longer have: $30,000 of debt.

Ms. Strobel’s mother is impressed. Now the couple have money to travel and to contribute to the education funds of nieces and nephews. And because their debt is paid off, Ms. Strobel works fewer hours, giving her time to be outdoors, and to volunteer, which she does about four hours a week for a nonprofit outreach program called Living Yoga.

“The idea that you need to go bigger to be happy is false,” she says. “I really believe that the acquisition of material goods doesn’t bring about happiness.”

Sure, we all need enough money to meet our basic needs--kind of like what I had growing up in the 1950's & 60's. But, once those needs are met, it turns out that you're better off with more time than money.

The nutshell on "money well-spent" in the happiness department:

Spend your money on experiences--not things. Concert tickets, piano lessons, cooking classes, or renting a house for the family vacation where you can do your own cooking & exploring. "It's better to go on a vacation than buy a new couch," according to University of British Columbia psychologist Elizabeth Dunn, who is at the forefront of research on consumption & happiness.

Spending money on leisure activities, rather than consumer goods, strengthens social bonds, makes people less lonely & increases their interactions with others. And stronger relationships is the the name of the game, if happiness is what you're after.

Why you get more mileage out of money spent on experiences---the residual benefits. Think memories, reminiscing, photos, bonding.

Spend your money on small pleasures--not big expensive ones if you want continual happiness boosts. A massage, a special gourmet food, a new book, a day-trip to the beach, or pricey Italian sorbet. Remember when an ice cream cone was a special treat? We quickly adapt to our newest shiniest purchase--and the thrill is soon gone, so be cautious when you spend big. Exception: something that will bring you continual daily pleasure--like buying a house next to hiking trails, a move that will cut down your commuting time, or a bike you'll use daily.

Strong relationships are the single trait that's common among every single person who is happy. That's from Roko Belic, an LA filmmaker who has traveled the world to film his documentary, "Happy".

If you want to retain the pleasure you get from simple inexpensive things, you better curb your spending habits. According to Elizabeth Dunn's study published in Psychological Science, June 2010, "wealth interferes with people's ability to savor positive emotions and experiences, because having an embarrassment of riches reduces the ability to reap enjoyment from life's smaller everyday pleasures, like a chocolate bar.

Keeping up with the Joneses is old school. New school is spending your limited money to enjoy experiences & activities with your friends--not compete with them. Camping trips, themed pot-luck dinners, hikes, sharing wine & stories on the backyard deck.

Take it from Tammy Strobel, queen of the down-sized-simple-life. "My lifestyle now would not be possible if I still had a huge two-bedroom apartment filled to the gills with stuff, two cars, and 30 grand in debt. Give away some of your stuff. See how it feels."

September 26, 2009

"Life would be swell if all the selves inhabiting a single mind worked as a team, pulling together for a common goal. But they clash, and sometimes this gives rise to what we call addictions and compulsions. The iconic image, from a million movies and cartoons, is of a person with an angel over one shoulder and the devil over the other. The competing selves are not over your shoulder, but inside your head: the angel and the devil, the self who wants to be slim and the one who wants to eat the cake, all exist within one person."

It's Saturday morning. I'm sitting at the kitchen island being lazy. Not slug lazy---but my version of lazy---drinking coffee and reading a totally fascinating & cool article by Paul Bloom in a year old issue of The Atlantic. Like all looooonnnnggg Atlantic articles, I've got to summon up my "better self" to concentrate & read it thoroughly. That's my compulsion.

But wait...this article--as cool as it is--is sounding strangely familiar. Oh, now I remember. I read something like this two weeks ago. Bingo! It was Bloom's provocative September 15, 2009 essay, "The Long and Short of It" in the New York Times "Happy Days" blog.

It's way shorter than the Atlantic piece (but really the Atlantic article is worth reading!). Here's a snippet:

"Do you live a good and happy life or do you satisfy your immediate appetites? Is it better to be Happy Socrates or Happy Homer Simpson?"

"You can see this as an internal battle between two individuals residing in the same body: one who wants to be thin, sober and chaste, the other who wants to eat, drink and fornicate. It’s the long-term self who is probably reading this now; this is the self that chooses to go to the therapist and read self-help books, working to thwart the short-term self when it comes to life in the presence of temptation. We shouldn’t underestimate the short-term self, though. It is not necessarily evil and not necessarily stupid. Sometimes the long-term self should stay out of its way.

....sometimes we deprive ourselves of perfectly good pleasures, including those involving love and companionship, because of the decisions of the long-term self. Think of the workaholic who never sees his children, or the anorexic who denies herself the pleasure of food.

What motivates the short-term self? Some of its pleasures are easy enough to explain: sex and food and friendship are evolutionary no-brainers, we enjoy them because they motivate us in adaptively useful ways. But others are more mysterious...

...This doesn’t mean that we should be indulging in them—perhaps there are better things to do today than go to a horror movie. But it does suggest that we should hesitate before dismissing such desires as selfish or irrelevant.

Perhaps the good life doesn’t require constant warfare. Perhaps people are better off if their multiple selves establish a truce, respecting one another’s different strengths, and working together to satisfy shared goals".

So quit feeling guilty about taking a nap today---you need it. Quit feeling guilty about not cleaning the house and going for a hike in the woods with your friends---you're building alliances & succumbing to the natural impulse to be outside. Quit feeling guilty about watching college football games on TV all afternoon---this one I have no explanation for--it falls into realm of the mysterious.

And a snippet from Bloom's Atlantic piece:

"An evolving approach to the science of pleasure suggests that each of us contains multiple selves—all with different desires, and all fighting for control. If this is right, the pursuit of happiness becomes even trickier. Can one self bind another self if the two want different things? Are you always better off when a Good Self wins? And should outsiders, such as employers and policy makers, get into the fray?"

As a boy I saw a movie about Admiral Byrd’s Antarctic expedition and was impressed that as a boy he had gone outdoors in shirtsleeves to toughen himself against the cold. I resolved to go to bed at night with one blanket too few.

That decision to go to bed minus one blanket was made by a warm boy; another boy awoke cold in the night, too cold to retrieve the blanket … and resolving to restore it tomorrow. The next bedtime it was the warm boy again, dreaming of Antarctica, who got to make the decision, and he always did it again. "

"Examples abound in our own lives. Late at night, when deciding not to bother setting up the coffee machine for the next morning, I sometimes think of the man who will wake up as a different person, and wonder, What did he ever do for me? When I get up and there’s no coffee ready, I curse the lazy bastard who shirked his duties the night before."

Twice this week my "practical industrious thoughtful self" showed up before bedtime to get the coffee pot ready, clean up the kitchen at night, pack my lunch for the next day, get my gym bag ready, and mix up a Green Smoothie to take to work.

I love that self! I sure wish she would show up more often!

I wonder which personality is going to win today. Will my long-term practical self finally put through the order for the much needed replacement windows & finally make a decision on the bathroom project that I've been putting off for years--and I promised myself I absolutely must do today?

Or will I chuck it all for a nice walk & curl up on the sofa with my new favorite book: "Olive Kitteridge"?

From Paul Bloom:

"We benefit, intellectually and personally, from the interplay between different selves, from the balance between long-term contemplation and short-term impulse. We should be wary about tipping the scales too far. The community of selves shouldn’t be a democracy, but it shouldn’t be a dictatorship, either."

Three Huge Things I Learned This Week

1. Take out my contact lenses as soon as I get home from work. The contacts go in at 6:00 am, & since I'm a creature of habit--and can get used to discomfort--I'd always just leave them in until bedtime. Here's what I learned: take them out before they start to get scratchy and annoying!

This is a metaphor for how I approach everything in life. I push the envelope. I try to pack in too many activities everyday. Or do too many errands in a day--thinking, "I'm already out--why not?"

Revelation: Stop sooner rather than later--before I make myself annoyed & cranky.

2. If the mattress is uncomfortable, and there's a one year "Satisfaction Guarantee", get a new one! We had convinced ourselves that the plushy pillow-top mattress we bought last December was heavenly. It wasn't. I pride myself on my adaptability--I can get used to anything. And besides, it's too much of a bother to return it. Wrong. This new "lower cost" version (which we just got this week) is so much more comfortable.

Another lesson for life. If something is uncomfortable--physically or emotionally--"Don't just sit there. Do something." Sometimes being adaptable isn't such a good thing.

3. Mix things up. Change your schedule. It can bring welcome surprises. I've had the same work schedule for over 20 years and 2 weeks ago I decided to switch my work days. In return I got to be at work on the day of my hospital's amazing weekly Farmer's Market. I got to go to 2 different, surprisingly good exercise classes. And, I was able to stop on the way home from work & pick up a home cooked vegan dinner made by a vegan chef who only cooks on Wednesday--which was a day that I usually did not work. Do you know how wonderful it is to not have to prepare dinner when you get home at 7:30 pm?

Moral of the story: Switch things up sometimes. Try something new. Be ready for surprises you might not have imagined.

July 24, 2009

"We can’t change the world except insofar as we change the way we look at the world — and, in fact, any one of us can make that change, in any direction, at any moment."

Pico Iyer, writer-journalist who has covered the Dalai Lama for 35 years

It's been a busy week, and I probably won't have much time to write over the coming week.

Thinking about all that I have read this week, it dawned on me that all the advice anyone could ever need for a Happy Healthy Long Life appeared in 2 newspaper articles, 1 blog post, and 2 medical journal articles just this week!

The only advice you'll ever need (I always exaggerate):

1. You make your own happiness. It's not about money. Stop blaming others, let go of your illusions & expectations and work on yourself.

2. Lower your expectations for happiness & you won't be disappointed.

3. Unclutter your life--in terms of stuff, people & activities--determine what and who matters most.

“We can’t change the world except insofar as we change the way we look at the world — and, in fact, any one of us can make that change, in any direction, at any moment. The point of life, in the view of the Dalai Lama, is happiness, and that lies within our grasp, our untapped potential, with every breath.”

“Easy for him to say, you might scoff. He’s a monk, he meditates for four hours as soon as he wakes up and he’s believed by his flock to be an incarnation of a god.”

But, don't be so quick to judge. Believe me, his life has been filled with challenges & responsibilities that would send most of us running & screaming for cover.

“Yet in 35 years of talking to the Dalai Lama, and covering him everywhere from Zurich to Hiroshima, as a non-Buddhist, skeptical journalist, I’ve found him to be as deeply confident, and therefore sunny, as anyone I’ve met.”

He’s a realist and he’s practical, with optimism & a sunny nature. Which is exactly why people all over the world want to know---How can I be like that?What the Dalai Lama would advise:

1. If an arrow is sticking out of your side don’t argue about where it came from or who made it; just pull it out. You make your way to happiness not by fretting about it or trafficking in New Age affirmations, but simply by finding the cause of your suffering, and then attending to it, as any doctor (of mind or body) might do.

2. Think in terms of enemies, he suggests, and the only loser is yourself.

3. Concentrate on external wealth and at some point you realize it has limits — and you’re still feeling discontented.

4. Learn how to be delighted by the smallest birthday cake.

5. Happiness is not pleasure, and unhappiness, is not the same as suffering. Suffering — in the sense of old age, sickness and death — is the law of life; unhappiness is just the position we choose — or can not choose — to bring to it.

6. How can you always remain so happy and smiling?” That kind of happiness is within the reach of almost anyone.

7. We can work on happiness as we work on our backhands, our soufflés or our muscles in the gym.

True happiness, in that sense, doesn’t mean trying to acquire things, so much as letting go of things (our illusions and attachments). It’s only the clouds of short-sightedness or ignorance, that prevent us from seeing that our essential nature, is blue sky.

Why Is Denmark the Happiest Country in the World? Lowered Expectations!

Denmark is the happiest nation in the world.Why? Low expectations. And that’s one of the big secrets of happiness.

“We’re the happiest lige nu.” Lige nu is a Danish phrase that means literally “just now” but strongly connotes a sense of “for the time being but probably not for long.”

Danes, in other words, harbor low expectations about everything, including their own happiness.

Danes seem to know instinctively that expectations kill happiness, leaving the rest of us unhappy un-Danes to sweat it out on the “hedonic treadmill.”

That’s what researchers call the tendency to constantly ratchet up our expectations, a sort of emotional inflation that devalues today’s accomplishments and robs us of all but the most fleeting contentment.

If a B-plus grade made us happy last semester, it’ll take an A-minus to register the same satisfaction this semester, and so on until eventually, inevitably, we fail to reach the next bar and slip into despair.

Yes, happiness is a function of our expectations — or, as it has been said: “Happiness equals reality minus expectations.”

Given that neat formulation, there are two ways to attack the problem: boost our reality or lower our expectations. Most of us choose the former. We’d rather stew in our misery than trim our expectations. Lowering our sights smacks us as a cop out, un-American. Better a nation of morose overachievers, we reason, than a land of happy slackers.

Erin Doland, The Unclutterer, Shares Her Advice on "Having It All" and Remaining Sane

How do you have time for all of this - running a blog, writing a book, all of these musical activities & all the other stuff you seem to do?

1. Purge clutter, downsize, and minimize. The less stuff you own, the less you have to clean, store, maintain, manage, protect, worry about, stress about, waste money on, forget, and pick up. Have the minimum amount of stuff for you to be comfortable. (This level is different for everyone and you’ll have to figure it out for yourself.)

2. Organize what you choose to own and use. Your home and office don’t need to be pristine museums, but you and the people who access the same space/items need to be able to easily find things when they’re needed. Order is better than chaos, and order saves you time and energy.

3. Commit to a streamlined routine for the mundane tasks in your life and be disciplined enough to maintain that routine. If you do 30 minutes of housework a day, your home is never chaotic. But, you have to be committed to these daily activities (dishes, laundry as needed, things put back in place when finished, kitty litter scooped, etc.) and not put them off for another day. The same is true for work; you have to stay on top of the necessary tasks or they will haunt you. I also think of this item as taking responsibility for the things you choose to own.

4. Determine what matters most to you. Make a list of the people, activities, and things in your life that mean the most to you and then spend the vast majority of your time focusing on these items. Be honest with yourself, though, and put on your list what really matters to you, not what you think should matter to you.

5. Remind yourself that even if you live to be 100, life is short. There is no better time to live your life than right now. My life’s motto is carpe vitam, Latin for seize life. It’s morbid to think about, but someday might not ever come. Stop putting things off until tomorrow. 6. Say “no” to what doesn’t matter. If an activity or responsibility isn’t on your list of what matters most to you, say “no” to it. Learn to say “no” in such a way as to not be a jerk, but say “no” when you need to. This is where I greatly differ from most people because I don’t feel guilty about protecting my time. And, as far as I know, most people don’t think I’m a jerk because I’m clear about why I’m declining offers and invitations. (”Taking a yoga class with you would be fun, but Wednesday nights are date night with my husband. Is there a similar class we can take together on another night?”) 7. Enjoy being industrious. Working provides us with the resources to take care of the things that matter most. Whatever you do for a career, make sure it is something that you enjoy (even if just minimally). 8. Get rid of everything that is toxic in your life because toxic things are clutter. Toxic people and habits suck up resources and energy. I was an avid smoker until I calculated how much of my money, time, and energy were going into my smoking addiction. No matter how gifted and talented, I avoid employing, working with, and spending time with people who are toxic. A toxic person can waste your time and mental energy faster than any other form of clutter.

9. Live within your means and save money for retirement, rainy days, and adventures. Get rid of your credit cards and only use cash or your debit card. Live on a budget even if you don’t need to be mindful of your spending habits. Have a retirement account, and two savings accounts — one for emergencies (refrigerator died, fender bender) and one for splurging on what matters most to you (vacation, rock climbing lessons, a camera to capture your child’s first steps). Buy quality instead of quantity. Be a smart consumer.

10. Take risks and be brazen. A second motto in my life is ad astra per aspera, which is loosely translated as to the stars through difficulty. (It’s also the Kansas state motto.) Great things might fall in your lap from time to time, but for the most part you have to get outside your comfort zone and initiate something new. Have you always wanted to learn to play the flute? Get your hands on a flute and start taking lessons. You’ll be really awful those first six months (or year or five), but you’ll never learn to play the flute if you don’t take the chance and try.

11. Get adequate sleep. Keep a sleep journal and find out how much sleep you need to function at your best. Then, make sure you get that amount of sleep every night. When you’re well rested, it’s easier to stay calm, be productive, and focus on what you need and want to do.

From JAMA: The Physicians' & Nurses' Health Study: The Six Behaviors for a Long Healthy Life

The Six Healthy Behaviors:

1. Control your weight. Stay trim. A BMI under 252. Exercise vigorously for 30 minutes a day.3. No smoking4. Eat a diet in line with the DASH Diet--lots of vegetables, fruit, and whole grains (especially for breakfast)--and be sure to get 400 mcg of folic acid/a day.5. Moderate to low alcohol consumption6. Keep non-narcotic pain relievers down to less than once a week.

All that heart-healthy advice about eating the right foods, exercising and losing weight pay off in real life for both men and women, two new studies show.

The reports, both originating at Brigham and Women's Hospital in Boston and published in the July 22/29 issue of the Journal of the American Medical Association, focused on different aspects of cardiovascular risk in two large groups: the 83,882 women in the second Nurses' Health Study, and the 20,900 men in the Physicians' Health Study I.

Both arrived at the same conclusion: Do the right things, and you get measurable benefits.

Simultaneous appearance of the two reports was more or less a coincidence, said Dr. Luc Djousse, an associate epidemiologist at Brigham and Women's at Harvard Medical School, who led the men's study.

While the clear message of both studies is that "a healthy lifestyle prevents a number of illnesses," what is often overlooked is that the choice of a healthy lifestyle is not a purely individual decision, said Dr. Veronique L. Roger, a professor of medicine and epidemiology at the Mayo Clinic, who wrote an accompanying editorial.

"There is a shared responsibility between the individual and the community," said Roger, who read off a dictionary definition of lifestyle as "a typical way of life of an individual, group or culture."

"The reality is that society has engineered physical activity out of our lives," Roger said. "

June 24, 2009

I know
intellectually that all the urgent, pressing items on our mental lists
— taxes, car repairs, our careers, the headlines — are so much idiot
noise, and that what matters is spending time with people you love.
It’s just hard to bear in mind when the hard drive crashes.

I've been out-of-town for 11 days, jumping straight back into work and papers are piling up, weeds are growing, roses are getting buggy, baby pictures are in need of printing, boxes in my spare bedrooms have been there for over a year and need emptying!, phone calls need to be returned, there are blog posts I want to write, my upstairs bathroom still needs remodeling, the house needs repair...and it's sunny and gorgeous outside and I just want to enjoy it!

To avoid jumping right into getting things done--which is what I should do--I start out the morning with my favorite procrastination maneuver: browsing the New York Times on my computer. And by some crazy magic--it appears--I spot it--my reprieve from fighting entropy.

"Fourteen years ago I was stabbed in the throat. The point is that after my unsuccessful murder I wasn't unhappy for an entire year.

I’m not claiming I was continuously euphoric the whole time; it’s just
that, during that grace period, nothing much could bother me or get me
down. The sort of horrible thing that I’d always dreaded was going to
happen to me had finally happened. I figured I was off the hook for a
while.

I started brewing my own dandelion wine in a big Amish crock. I
listened to old pop songs too stupid to name in print. And I developed
a strange new laugh that’s stayed with me to this day.

I wish I could recommend this experience to everyone.

It’s one of the maddening perversities of human psychology that we only
notice we’re alive when we’re reminded we’re going to die, sort of the
same way some of us only appreciate our girlfriends after they’re exes.It didn’t last, of course. You can’t feel grateful to be alive your
whole life any more than you can stay passionately in love forever — or
grieve forever, for that matter.

Time forces us all to betray ourselves
and get back to the busywork of living in the world.

Before a year had
gone by the same dumb everyday anxieties and frustrations began
creeping back. I’d be disgusted to catch myself yelling in traffic,
pounding on my computer, lying awake at night wondering what was going
to become of me.

Once a year on my stabbiversary I remind myself that this is still my
bonus life, a free round.

But now that I’m back down in the messy,
tedious slog of everyday emotional life, I have to struggle to keep
things in what I still insist is their true perspective.

I know
intellectually that all the urgent, pressing items on our mental lists
— taxes, car repairs, our careers, the headlines — are so much idiot
noise, and that what matters is spending time with people you love.
It’s just hard to bear in mind when the hard drive crashes.

I don’t know why we take our worst moods so much more seriously than
our best ones, crediting depression with more clarity than euphoria.

It’s easy now to dismiss that year as nothing more than the same sort
of shaky, hysterical high you’d experience after being clipped by a
taxi. But you could also try to think of it as a glimpse of grace.

It’s
like the revelation I had when I was a kid the first time I ever flew
in an airplane: when you break through the cloud cover you realize that
above the passing squalls and doldrums there is a realm of eternal
sunlight, so keen and brilliant you have to squint against it, a vision
to hold onto and take back with you when you descend once more beneath
the clouds, under the oppressive, petty jurisdiction of the local
weather."

This year has been a wild ride. I've seen my mother-in-law die of cancer. I've seen long-time companies collapse. I've seen bad things happen to good people. I've seen friends and family and strangers lose jobs, houses, savings and businesses.

But I've also welcomed my new baby grandson into the world. And a lot of other happy wonderful things, too! The sun still shines, the flowers are blooming, there's still raucous laughter to be shared.

I'm going to get busy on my list of onerous tasks today, and then I'm going to sit on my lawn chair in the backyard, bask in that vitamin-D-healing-sunlight, read a juicy book and take a nap!

There will always be clouds and work. I need to remember to take time for sun and fun while I still can.

May 13, 2009

"Is there a formula--some mix of love, work, and psychological adaptation--for a good life? For 72 years, researchers at Harvard have been examining this question, following 268 men who entered college in the late 1930s through war, career, marriage and divorce, parenthood and grandparenthood, and old age."

If teasing out the secrets of a good life--learning from the mistakes of others--trying to understand how we are shaped & changed by everything we encounter--our parents, our siblings, our circumstances & choices--is something that piques your interest--then go directly to this month's landmark article by Joshua Wolf Shenk, in the June 2009 Atlantic, "What Makes Us Happy?" I loved it!

But before you read it--first read David Brooks' short op-ed in the May 12, 2009 New York Times, "They Had It Made".

Here's the short story: 268 of Harvard's best were selected from the classes of 1942, '43 and '44 to participate in a landmark longitudinal study originally sponsored by the dime store magnate W.T. Grant. These men have been measured, examined & interviewed by physicians, social workers, and psychiatrists their entire lives--all in "an attempt to analyze the forces that have produced normal young men."

Normal, being described as "That combination of sentiments and physiological factors which in toto is commonly interpreted as successful living."

But, hang on to your hats! This is no simple story that lends itself to a list of simple do's & don'ts for prescriptive living. "It turned out that the (men's) lives were too big, too weird, too full of subtleties and contradictions to fit any easy conception of "successful living".

And the best & brightest in the study--Harvard's finest--the likes of which included Ben Bradlee & John F. Kennedy--well, I wouldn't say they had stress-free lives. "Hidden amid the shimmering successes were darker hues."

By age 50, almost a third met Dr. George Vaillant's (the lead investigator for the last 42 years) criteria for mental illness. Alcoholism, depression, divorce, disease, disappointment were experienced by many.

But Vaillant even looks at mental illness through a different lens--having seen these men through til the end of their lives. "Much of what is labeled mental illness, simply reflect our 'unwise' deployment of defense mechanisims. If we use defenses well, we are deemed mentally healthy, conscientious, funny, creative, and altruistic. If we use them badly, the psychiatrist diagnoses us ill, our neighbors label us unpleasant, and society brands us immoral."

The Lessons To Be Learned From Following Lives Until The End

Here's the good news. There are definitely markers for a happy life--which without fail always includes challenges and joys. Here's what caught my attention.

1. Meet Challenges with Healthy Adaptations. Everyone has difficulties. But we don't all use the same adaptations or methods to help make life tolerable. Some of us use unhealthy, immature, & neurotic behaviors--destined to make problems worse--think alcohol, drugs, aggression, withdrawal.

"The healthiest adaptations include altruism, humor, anticipation (looking ahead and planning for future discomfort), suppression (a conscious decision to postpone attention to an impulse or conflict, to be addressed in good time), and sublimation (finding outlets for feelings, like putting aggression into sport, or lust into courtship)."

2. Emotional crises, pain & deprivation are "analogous" to the involuntary grace by which an oyster, coping with an irritating grain of sand, creates a pearl. Humans, too, when confronted with irritants, engage in unconscious but often creative behavior."

6. Depression was the greatest drain on physical health. Of the men who were diagnosed with depression by age 50, more than 70% had died or were chronically ill by 63.

7. "Pessimists seemed to suffer physically in comparison with optimists--perhaps because they're less likely to connect with others or care for themselves."

8. Serving in military combat exacts a huge toll. 80% of the men served in WWII. Those who survived the heaviest fighting developed more chronic physical illness & died sooner than those who saw little or no combat.

9. It's easy to predict who is going to become a Democrat or a Republican from early personality traits. Results from the initial psychiatric interview were consistent: Democrats = sensitive, cultural, & introspective. Republicans = pragmatic and organized.

10. Relationships Rule! "It is social aptitude, not intellectual brilliance or parental social class, that lead to successful aging." Warm connections are necessary--and it doesn't have to be from mom or dad--it can be with siblings, uncles, friends, or mentors.

11. Relationships at age 47 predicted late-life adjustment better than any other variable, except defenses.

12. Good sibling relationships. Getting along with your brothers & sisters is especially powerful: 93% of the men who were thriving at age 65 had been close to a brother or sister when younger.

13. What's the most important lesson that Vaillant (the lead investigator) has learned from the study? "That the only thing that really matters in life are your relationships to other people."

14. Gratitude and joy, over time, will yield better health and deeper connections--but in the short-term, they do put us at risk, because they expose us to rejection & heartbreak.

15. Cholesterol levels at age 50 have nothing to do with health in old age. "If you follow lives long enough, the risk factors for healthy life adjustment change. There is an age to watch your cholesterol and an age to ignore it." Not at all sure what to make of this one?

Dr. Vaillant's Insights from the Study

1. Happiness isn't about me. 2. The most famous of the Harvard men had something to prove to themselves, their families, or the world. People who had everything--those for whom things went well--had less "to prove". They didn't feel a need to become a famous artist or business tycoon.3. Aging is a lot less scary than people think it is.4. Dirty Laundry. Enjoy exactly where you are now--whatever your age or circumstances. It's OK to be young--and it's OK to be old. And, if you're so lucky, enjoy the piles of dirty laundry gathering on the floor from the kids and grandkids and company when they come to visit & bring their messes!5. Age 25-35 is the toughest for virtually everyone. It's scary stuff--what will I amount to? But all you need is to give it time--things will work out! It's not about keeping up with the Joneses or how much money you're making.6. Getting old is as good as being young. The whole process is fun. It's just as much fun to get wrinkles & to reminisce.7.Happiness is about playing and working and loving. And loving is the most important of them all. Happiness is love. Full stop.

Yesterday from behind her office cubicle I overheard my friend Suze hang up her phone, giggle and say out loud to herself, "I just love my friends."

I smiled to myself, & thought, "Me too!" I had just finished reading a round robin of emails from college friends who had just read Tara Parker-Pope's article in the New York Times, "What Are Friends For? A Longer Life"

Dan Buettner traveled all over the world for National Geographic in search of the secrets to a long healthy life. A strong social circle (a.k.a. friends) was one of the key ingredients responsible for the longevity of the top four long-lived population groups: the Okinawans, the Seventh-Day Adventists, the Sardinians, and the folks living on the Nicoya Peninsula of Costa Rica. Check out his book: The Blue Zone: lessons for living longer from the people who've lived the longest.

"Of the centenarians interviewed, there wasn't a grump in the bunch. Dr. Nobuyoshi Hirose, one of Japan's preeminent longevity experts, had a similar observation. Likable old people are more likely to have a social network, frequent visitors, and de facto caregivers. They seem to experience less stress and live purposeful lives."

As Buettner learned, building strong friendships takes time and effort and you need to plan regular times to get together.

"In the quest for better health, many people turn to doctors, self-help books or herbal supplements. But they overlook a powerful weapon that could help them fight illness and depression, speed recovery, slow aging and prolong life: THEIR FRIENDS."

Friends Can Trump Family

Psychological well-being. Friendship has a bigger impact on our psychological well-being than family relationships, according to Rebecca G. Adams, a professor of sociology at the University of North Carolina in Greensboro.

Support & understanding. Just take a look at the 11 women chronicled in Zaslow's book. They've been friends for over 40 years, even though they are now scattered over 8 states. When two of the women were recently diagnosed with cancer, they immediately turned to their friends. "It was instant that the love poured in from all of them." As Kelly Zwagerman said, "We go so far back that these women will talk about anything."

Breast cancer mortality. In a 2006 study of 3,000 nurses with breast cancer--those without close friends were 4 times more likely to die from the disease than women with 10 or more friends. And it didn't matter how far away they lived or how often they were able to see their friends. The surprising point: having a spouse wasn't associated with better survival--but friends were.

Overall health. "Friendship has an even greater effect on health than a spouse or a family member," according to Bella DePaulo, a psychology professor at the University of California at Santa Barbara.

Coronary heart disease. Friendships benefit men as well. A Swedish study of middle-aged men found that "attachment" to one person didn't affect their risk of a heart attack as much as having a large social network did. In fact, lack of friends was second only to smoking as a risk factor for coronary heart disease. Something to think about guys.

Easing the Burden, Boosting the Brain & Cutting Down on Colds

Lightening the load. Have you ever noticed how work is easier when you share it with a friend? I love this study! University of Virginia students were asked to walk up a steep hill carrying a heavy backpack. Some walked up the hill with friends--some walked alone. The ones who walked up the hill with a friend had lower estimates of the hill's steepness than those who walked up the hill by themselves. And the longer the friends had known each other--the less steep the hill seemed.

In the April 2009 issue of the Journal of the American Geriatrics Society researchers looked at the personality traits of 246 children of centenarians. Why did they look at the children, not the centenarians? It was easier to follow the children over time--the 100 year olds weren't going to live much longer--and research has shown that the children of centenarians are likely to live longer than normal, and share the personality traits of their long-lived parents.

Those who live the longest are more outgoing, more active, and more laid-back (the study defines this as less neurotic, less emotionally reactive, less distressed) than those who live a normal life span. Translation: they have more friends!

The women who live the longest are more cooperative, more empathetic, & more agreeable than those living a normal life span. Translation: they have more friends.

The surprise finding to the study? Longevity had nothing to do with how self-disciplined one is or how open to new ideas or experiences one is. Hmm.

What does this all mean? The researchers think that the less neurotic one is, (emotionally reactive & distressed) the easier it is to get through life's stressful situations. And the out-going extroverted personality is associated with a greater sense of well-being & vitality.

Bottom Line: Chill out, don't-worry-be-happy, make-new-friends-but-keep-the-old, be a tad more understanding, and give up the control-thing---but if you need a little help just skip to the next section!

7. Do Something Nice for Someone Else--it makes the "doer" happy & doing 5 nice things in one day will make you feel better than spreading them out over one week.

8. Make More Money Than Your Peers--this is according to a Penn State Study. I'd change that to: Hang out with people who make about the same amount as you do--or who at least aren't bigger spenders than you.

9. Seek Positive Emotion as a Path to Success--happiness can lead to success, rather than the other way around.

10. Identify With Your Heritage--appreciating one's culture creates & strengthens bonds with others who share that culture & will help you to appreciate cultural differences.

11. Use a Happy Memory as a Guide--remember what makes you happiest & do more of it.

12. Play the Part of an Optimist--straighten up your body posture, take big steps, and walk quickly with your shoulder back & your head up! Change your tone of voice--make it cheerful & full of energy. Use upbeat positive words! Voila--you'll feel optimistic!

13. Try New Things--the more things you try, the greater the chance for positive emotions.

14. Tell Your Story to Someone--talk about the good stuff & the bad stuff & to a variety of people.

April 01, 2009

Reading something that puts into words something that's just plain true. Something I sort-of-kind-of-knew but had never put into words. Something that makes life clearer, more understandable for me. Until you can put a name on something, you can't understand it.This Week's Wisdom (for me)

My husband and I recently said to each other that our lives seem to have become a series of events to be gotten through.

Even though we enjoy many of the things we’re doing, we’re often so exhausted all we can think of is getting the most pressing projects done and putting them behind us. Finishing something successfully leads to relief rather than joy.

And yet we do have joy in our lives.

I’m not sure of exactly what that happiness depends upon, but I think it has to do with feeling deep down that something is right–--something as simple as our family being at home, engaged in doing different things, but together, joined inextricably in love.

In fact, in medical school, we were taught that if we found ourselves as doctors feeling depressed after interviewing a patient, that was a good indication the patient was depressed!

I often think about the effect of "dueling life-conditions": when two people interact, who's life-condition will have more of an effect? Will I pull you up or you pull me down? In effect, who at that moment is stronger in their current state?

So I'd say, good advice would be to make a genuinely happy disposition one of your criteria for a mate, but it's far better to focus on strengthening your own life state--to be able to resist the downward pull of others' negativity.

Very often, there is nobody looking at the big picture or recognizing that what is best for the disease may not be best for the patient.

Fred Powledge, a 74 year old writer with multiple health problems, who takes a dozen pills a day:

But what’s missing is someone who can look at the big picture and see my health as a whole. That falls to me alone, with the help of my very wise wife and frequent visits to reliable Web sites. As our population ages, we need some kind of overseer to juggle all the diagnoses and prescriptons and look for conflicts and duplications. This would also help to counteract the notion in many people’s minds that the doctor knows best — because often the doctor doesn’t.

January 25, 2009

"This
makes me feel so much more responsible that I know that if I come home
in a bad mood I'm not only affecting my wife and son but my son's best
friend or my wife's mother. When I'm heading home I now intentionally
put on my favorite song!" Remember These Words, Folks!

I believe that we are all so intricately bound up with each other that our happiness & our unhappiness affects everyone we encounter: our family, our co-workers, store clerks, and people we pass on the street. (Happiness is Viral - click here)

I believe that appreciating each other with honest compliments, recognition for small acts of good work or kindnesses, genuine thank yous, and positive feedback has more power than we can imagine.

OK--I know that no one wants to watch a YouTube video that last 16 minutes. No one. But somehow I thought I needed to see this one to the end. You might think you've seen enough after the first 4 minutes. I know I did. But I was wrong. Take the time. (Thank you Kurt Kuenne, Hugh Newman & Theater Junkies Productions)

"In early 2007, I was a middle-aged, sedentary nurse with a family
history of sudden cardiac arrest and a cholesterol level of 303.
Profound changes in nutrition, exercise and stress reduction did more
than lower my cholesterol to 177--they transformed my life."

Gwen's a big fan of NPR's This I Believe radio essay series. And I am, too. On a whim she sent in her essay, "Eating more fruits and vegetables isn`t hard to swallow". She didn't get picked to broadcast it--but her essay got posted on the This I Believe website. If you want real-life motivation to get healthy, read her post here.

Here's an excerpt:

"Last year, when my cholesterol shot up into the 300s, my doctor urged
me to take a cholesterol-lowering drug. With a family history of sudden
cardiac arrest, I was a walking time bomb, she said. But I pushed back,
opting instead to try an extreme lifestyle makeover.

Initially, my new dietary landscape – often called plant-based
nutrition – looked utterly alien. But before long I was eating eight or
more servings of fresh produce a day, from dark green salads made with
Swiss chard, collards and kale, to such exotic fare as sweet potato and
curry soup, quinoa-squash pilaf, and marinated kabobs, guaranteed to
please even the most tofu-squeamish."

Gwen grew up in a household like mine. Vegetables meant potatoes, cooked carrots, and iceberg lettuce. Her mom served frozen peas. My mom served canned peas. Her mom seasoned only with salt. My mom was much more exotic. She used paprika and garlic salt. We were meat-centric at every meal.

As I've heard said:

We like what we eat all the time. You can change your taste preferences by changing your diet and having patience. People in Thailand prefer Thai food. People in Argentina prefer meat. People in Japan prefer fish. And nutritarian-style vegetarians prefer fruits, vegetables, beans and grains. Tastes can change!It takes 3 weeks to change a habit. It takes 14 weeks to change your tastes. The reward of good health is worth the effort. Make it an experiment & give it your best shot!

January 21, 2009

The joke is, “The happiest day in your life is when your first child is born.” The 2nd happiest is when the last one leaves

In case you missed yesterday's New York Times column,"Your Nest Is Empty? Enjoy Each Other", it looks like lots of us baby-boomers wholeheartedly agree. Life in the empty nest is looking pretty good--not the unhappy place that 1970s psychologists characterized it to be. "The Empty Nest Syndrome" is history and most of us have adjusted quite well, thank you!

"While most parents clearly miss children who have left home for
college, jobs or marriage, they also enjoy the greater freedom and
relaxed responsibility.

And despite the common worry that long-married couples will find
themselves with nothing in common, the new research, published in
November in the journal Psychological Science, shows that marital
satisfaction actually improves when the children finally take their
exits."

As Sara M. Gorchoff, one of the University of Berkeley authors of this study says:

"It’s not like their lives were miserable. Parents were happy with their kids. It’s just that their
marriages got better when they left home.”

I couldn't agree more. In fact, I've noticed such a change in the relationships of many of my friends who are long-time-marrieds, now that the kids have "flown the coop". Everyone just seems much happier as a couple--more appreciative of their long-time bond and couplehood--more tender with each other--like they've been through the hardest years--and they're ready to just enjoy.

So What Are The Lessons Here For Those Whose Nests Are Still Full?

Children do have a negative effect on previously happy relationships. Sad to say--but it's the truth. Several studies have shown how marital bliss can plummet after the first child arrives. It's not exactly rocket science--you're tired--there's lots of extra work--there's no time for couple-bonding--and there are lots of extra expenses.

Lesson here: Know that this happens to everyone; make time for each other; try to get enough sleep; willingly accept all offers of help. This too shall pass. In about 20 years!

Women do most of the work. Sorry guys, it's true. After children, housework increases three times more for women than it does for men--and studies back this up. Go argue with the Center on Population, Gender and Social Equality at the University of Maryland.

Lesson here: Happy wife, happy life! Everyone has their preferred area of interest & expertise when it comes to household chores. I don't do lawns, cars or mousetraps. My husband's not great at food prep or bed-making. Just divide up the duties to be fair to everyone. And no fair assuming a stay-at-home mom (or dad) will do it all! Everyone needs their own alone time to recharge--free of children, spouse, and work.

It's important to carve out stress-free couple time together without children and interruptions. The Berkeley "empty nest study" concluded that marriages improve after the kids leave mostly because:

"There are few interruptions and less stress when kids are out of the house. It wasn't that couples spend more time with each other after the children moved out. It's the quality of time they spent with each other that improved."

Lesson here: Parents need to find a way to spend more stress-free uninterrupted time together. You know, like a regular date night?

The joke is, “The happiest day in your life is when your first child is born.” The 2nd happiest is when the last one leaves.

Look—I wouldn’t have missed the nesting years for anything–and I’m anxiously looking forward to my first grandchild.

But…are you kidding?

Who would miss rushing home from work…to drive to indoor soccer
practice in a pelting snow storm, making sure everyone religiously got
to religious school, making sure everyone got going in the morning, did
their homework, filling out umpteen school forms, cooking for different
tastes, and just generally worrying & shepherding children into
caring, healthy, responsible, intelligent adults.

Whew! It was the hardest job I every had. Not to mention, caring for
ill parents at the same time. I wouldn’t have traded the years for
anything. But as the kids say…
Been there, done that!

The empty nest years—it’s almost as much fun as being back in
college–without the homework! Especially if you have a spouse or
partner and friends you enjoy spending time with.

Oh yeah, you still worry about the grown-up kids. And to that, I say–read this–it really helps!

I started this blog as my own computer back-up for everything I learn about living a healthy happy long life.

I soon found out that there is no way I can capture everything that comes my way via podcasts, NPR, books, websites, newspapers and magazines with twice a week postings.

For a change of pace I'm backing up my brain by downloading the mass of swirling (but useful) health & happiness tips that have come my way this week. Instead of long posts, you're getting the "blog bytes".

So here goes:

Music, like laughter benefits the heart. According to Dr. Michael Miller of the University of Maryland, if you're listening to a song that makes you feel "joyful or euphoric", your blood vessels will dilate 26%, improving blood flow--which is an effect similar to that of exercise. Miller says: "The inner lining of the blood vessels--the endothelium--serves as the gatekeeper to vascular health." Keep them dilated & keep them healthy. Just don't listen to the same songs all the time, or it won't work. Mix up your play list--2 week intervals are best. What's on my play list? Shaggy's "It Wasn't Me" & Springsteen's "Dancing in the Dark" & about a million others. Now I'm alternating joyful music with my NPR fix.

Low Vitamin D levels are linked to increased body fat. Looking at young Californian women (age 16-20)--where there's plenty of sun--researchers found overweight women had a much lower level of vitamin D, as measured by the serum 25-hydroxyvitamin D test (under 29 ng/mL is too low). It's hard to tell if the excess fat is preventing the vitamin D absorption, or if the low D is somehow causing the excess fat. With vitamin D so important to the prevention of osteoporosis, heart disease, cancer, diabetes, depression & more, everyone should ask their doctor for the inexpensive serum-hydroxyvitamin D test!

Ten Tips for Being Happier. This comes from one of my favorite blogs Gretchen Rubin's Happiness Project. My 4 favorites: 1. Realize that anything worth doing is worth doing badly--you have to be willing to try new things & not be afraid of failing if you want to grow. 2. Buy some happiness--sometimes you need to spend some money to keep in touch with friends & relatives, to just make life easier or to eliminate sources of irritation: like plane tickets, a heated mattress pad or wireless earphones to silence the TV. 3. Don't insist on the best--don't waste time & drive yourself crazy trying to make the perfect decision. Be a satisficer not a maximizer! 4. Stop Nagging--not worth it & it only makes matters worse.

An ounce or two of nuts a day is a good thing. At 160-200 calories an ounce you have to go easy, but Spanish researchers found that adding nuts to your diet will reduce the likelihood of metabolic syndrome (belly fat, type 2 diabetes, high triglycerides, low HDLs); and Purdue researchers found that nuts keep you full, satisfied & better able to control your weight. My link has a great recipe & specific nut by nut benefits from the Berkeley Wellness Letter.

For maximum learning you need a good night's sleep. Howard Nussbaum of the University of Chicago conducted a study that trained college students on video games & clearly showed how learning something new only improves after a good night's rest. Our brains consolidate the new learning during sleep & we actually practice our new skills while we dream. But it's best to be well rested before you learn something new and then "sleep on it"!

38% of us use alternative or complementary therapies. According to a recent report from the National Center for Complementary Medicine and Alternative Therapies, the top alternative therapies include the use of fish oil/omega 3/DHA, glucosamine, echinacea, flaxseed oil or pills, and ginseng. More people are also practicing deep-breathing, meditation, yoga & following it up with a relaxing massage!