Monday, November 26, 2012

Three years ago when Lesley-Anne received her PSLE results, I had to think long and hard about whether I was going to post about it and if so, how I would write it. You can read about it here.

With Andre, I'm facing the same situation and when writing such posts, I'm very conscious of the fact that I have to take into account the interests and feelings of my kids. Since they read my posts too, I have to decide if any sharing will impact them positively or negatively. It's a delicate balancing act.

When I checked with Andre, he told me he didn't want me to reveal his PSLE results publicly, so I'm respecting that. I'm just going to share my reflections in general.

While Andre's results were not a big shocker, he had hoped to do better, especially considering the amount of work he put in. I think there are many, many kids and parents out there facing the same situation and I'm hoping this post can give some perspective. You see, when PSLE results fall short of expectations, I hear many parents start playing the blame game - "You should have studied harder!" "What did you do wrong?" etc etc. But perhaps, just perhaps, it's simply a case of unrealistic expectations to begin with.

As I've always said, PSLE is harder than many parents think (especially those going through PSLE for the first child). There is actually no way of gauging what your child's relative standard is based on school results as standards and the ability of students vary so drastically among schools. Even with the knowledge that an average t-score is 200, it's very difficult to predict where your child stands in terms of the national average. Added to that, the way the t-score is calculated can be very skewed, due to the distribution curves of the different subjects. A common conjecture is that a bad or good score in the Mother Tongue or English will impact the overall t-score more drastically than a bad or good score in Maths or Science. This hypothesis seems to bear out from what I've seen.

What I'm saying is that with all the uncertainty, the PSLE results is no time for recriminations. It is not constructive and all you'll succeed in doing is undermine your child's self-esteem and give yourself a few ulcers.

The night before the PSLE results, Andre was a nervous wreck. Suddenly, he had lost his usual bravado and quavered, "What if I fail?" To which I reminded him how hard he had worked and said, "If this was the best you could have done, then no matter what the results, you should have no regrets."

It was a reminder to Kenneth and myself as well. Too often, we equate results with the quantum of effort (and revise our perception of the effort after the fact) but that's a flawed logic. In reality, the effort you put in sometimes does not yield an equivalent result. That's life. We have always told our kids that we celebrate the effort, not the result and we have to practise what we preach.

When Andre received his results, I saw the disappointment on his face. However, in typical fashion, he soon started focusing on the plus points - "I can't believe I got an A for Chinese!" (Yes, he gave me permission to post this. Actually we couldn't quite believe this either). He was also, quite unexpectedly, given the EAGLES award for Leadership in CCA. This went some way to cheering him up, especially when he learnt later that it comes with a $250 cash prize from MOE.

Some people may think we're rationalising or too unambitious. Personally, I'm glad Andre has a healthy self-esteem. It's difficult to go through life feeling insecure all the time. And at the risk of sounding like a broken record, the PSLE really is not the be all and end all. Secondary school is a whole new ballgame and the PSLE t-score is not necessarily an accurate indicator of how you will perform in school later on. There are kids in Lesley-Anne's school who had t-scores in the 270s range and are now struggling to keep up. Conversely, there are those who scored in the 250s and are now acing their exams.

I like how MOE has stopped revealing the top scorers for PSLE. As the Minister has said, it won't remove the PSLE stress but it's yet another small step towards reducing the over-emphasis on academic achievement above everything else.

For us, we're glad PSLE is finally behind us. Secondary school will be a brand new chapter for Andre and we pray that it will be a fulfilling journey for him.

29 comments:

Congratulations Andre on your first paycheque haha, I think there should be enough left over to buy Aunty Lilian teh tarik at Simpang Bedok after treating your family to a big meal right? :D You're such a great kid, so doggedly determined to do well, your Eagles award is definitely well-deserved. Very proud of you and your ever-positive attitude. I know you will do great in life. I know it.

And kudos to you Mon, and Kenneth, you guys are outstanding parents. I love how you accept and love your kids no matter what, never seeking to change them, always affirming them. Truly a case of great parenting begetting great kids <3

Well done to Andre on his EAGLES award! Monica, remember what we said - boys boom in secondary school!!! Yes his moment is coming!! We mums must believe in that. Do choose a school in which he will be at least above average. I heard this helps in subject combination choices in end Year2 and he can also find his firm placing amid the peers. The 270s slide in secondary school because they have lost interest in studies or lost confidence. All the best in Andre's secondary school choice and all the best to him in the new school! Look forward!

Congrats Andre (and Monica !) for successfully going over the PSLE road hump, the fantastic A in Chinese as well as for the Eagles award ;-)

I agree there is no point at all in the blame game. Of course I wish my son did better (don't we all ?) but at the end of it all, I recognise that he really has put in his best effort into this whole PSLE endeavour (as have I, ha ha). I don't think I could have pushed him any harder...

I am glad of my son's resilience - he mopped over his less stellar results for all of 2 hours. We celebrated the end of his PSLE journey with a good makan at dinner. He's determined to enjoy the last 5 weeks of the holidays.

As for me, I'm determined to enjoy the next 5 years before my next PSLE for my number 4 ;-)

Rita: *high 5* we went for a nice dinner that evening too! Yes, we all wish our kids would do better but it's a small matter in the larger scheme of things. More importantly, we know our kids worked hard, so there's nothing more we could have asked for. Congrats to your son too and I wish you plenty of qi for your 2 impending PSLEs - hopefully the system would have changed for the better for them!

My colleagues are not impressed when I told them my Little Bao's score of 240.But I am extremely proud of him. He had fallen ill the day before his strongest subject Math, and had to battle the flu before Science & Chinese. He enjoys Science, but always have trouble getting the key answers so his Science marks were always in a shamble.Hence imagine my shock when I saw that he managed to get an A* for both Science and Math, I grabbed and hugged him immediately. Little Bao even shed a tear or two, so overcome by emotions. I don't care what others think; I am extremely proud of him.

Not worth being in Music CCA, I'd say. Out of 3 older kids, only ONE got Eagles in P6 year. I was even appalled to see in my no.2's p6 year that some of the boys that got the Eagles in their CCa were those that only appeared for 4mths every 2yrs during the festivals.

Better to be in Sports. I see sports boys from p4-p6 getting Eagles and other Donor-Sponsored awards every year during prize-giving. The sports boys are way more recognised.

I think it also depends how supportive the teacher is in putting the kids up for the award? Anyway, I doubt if anyone joins music CCA for the Eagles :P Lesley-Anne never got a single thing for all the time she was in band.

Congratulations to Andre!! I started reading this blog a while ago and I love the way that you help your children through a very competitive school system. It is nice to see that it can be the effort that is rewarded and valued rather than just the result. I may end up starting a family in Singapore and it is nice to see that there are other people who have managed to nurture their children through a school system that can be competitive. But really of course this is the moment to congratulate Andre and wish him all the best for the future!!

Beth: Thanks for the good wishes! I must admit sometimes it's hard to maintain perspective when the environment is so competitive but it helps to have supportive family and friends who keep reminding you what's important.

Congrats Mon for the milestone that you have supported Andre in his PSLE journey, it's priceless guidance for his formative years in primary school!

Congrats Andre for an excellent primary school track record of coping well with studies and CCA as an all-rounder! When you do not peak at a young age, it only means that there is more upside for you to come.... *bravo* :)

I have been a silent reader of your blog for a long time now and this is the first time I'm commenting. Anyway, I'm glad that you're not one of those kiasu parents who demand perfect scores from their children. I'm sure your children appreciate that a lot. I am in P6 this year and although I'm moving back to the Philippines next year for secondary school since my mum's contract ends this December, I still want to do well for PSLE. I agree with you that effort doesn't yield the desired results, I have experienced it many times. Just like Andre, this was the first time I scored an A for Chinese and first time I got A*s for the rest of the subjects. Well, hope that your son gets into a school of his choice, I wish him luck in his future endeavours. :)

I've been reading your blog for a while now because it's one of the more rational views of our education system, and I applaud you for that. Congrats to Andre-like him, I didn't do as well as I would have wanted to do in the PSLE and like you, my parents didn't really mind. PSLE doesn't matter very much in the long run-I'm in law school now, and I suspect I've only done well after PSLE because I refuse to let myself be defined by an exam I sat when I was 12. That being said, the number of through train schools really does increase the pressure on parents, so I don't envy you-or parents in general. It simply reinforces the importance of one exam. I actually went to an O level school and ended up scoring really well in the O and A levels-which proves that there needs be more than one single avenue to get to a good JC (which I realised doesn't really matter. I'm from rj, it means very little once I stepped into university) and a good university course. Anyway, the point of this rambling comment is to congratulate your son and really-I wish there were more parents like you. :)

Anon: Thanks so much for the validation. Sometimes it's hard for parents too, since we don't have a crystal ball and can't know for sure our kids will turn out fine, so we tend to err on the kiasu side. Nice to hear from pple like you who have lived the example I hope to show - that PSLE (or O or A levels) is not everything. It serves as a great source of encouragement :)

I just wanted to let you know that I reread this post, and the related one on LA's PSLE score, at the aftermath every SA1 and SA2 when results are being released. Thank you for penning them. It is a timely reminder for me to tamper my expectations.

About Me

Writing is my profession and my passion. I own and run a professional writing agency, where I do all my corporate writing. Blogging takes care of the miscellaneous excess thoughts.
I'm a mother of two completely polar opposite children. Maybe God figures the challenge would do me good. Or perhaps He just likes to have a good laugh. Whatever it is, I'm enjoying the roller coaster ride.