Things You Hate That Everyone Else Seems to Love

I have found in my many travels around the Capital Region that I can get away with saying and doing many reprehensible things and still retain friendships, or at the very least friendly acquaintances. Not much seems to bother people my age. Sure, you have some that take offense to some foul language and off-color jokes, but for the most part the brand of humor and communication is anything but “politically correct.” There are, however, four words that will drive friends of mine into fits of hysterics that will lead to hurt feelings if the discussion goes any further:

I hate Billy Joel.

There, I said it. I said it despite knowing that I just lost probably three-quarters of my readership. I said it in light of the fact that there are still many friends out there that do not know my shame, but there it is.

Why do I dislike Billy Joel, you may ask? It’s a good question, and one that I may not have a good answer for. There are certain things that I carry a certain amount of unreasonable hatred towards.

To be honest, though, I just don’t find him to be as great as so many other people think he is. I find his lyrics to be fairly shallow, and his music to be whitebread and dull. Billy Joel is, at his core, the ultimate music artist that white people like: a guy with a legit checkered past and a “rock and roll” attitude that plays music that doesn’t sound like it comes from a guy with a checkered past or that carries any particular “rock and roll attitude” with it. But it says it does, so that’s cool, right?!

No.

Billy Joel writes the type of songs that are like kryptonite to me: sappy love songs and rebellious songs that sound anything but. Songs like “It’s Still Rock and Roll to Me” and “Anthony’s Song” are supposed to be anthems for those that buck norms and trends: the latter the tale of a middle-class teenager (based on an Amish friend of Joel’s) who rebels against the predetermined role his parents have set, the other railing against conformity for the sake of fashion. But it rings to me as insincere simply because of who Billy Joel is and the sound it produces. Does anyone honestly get an anti-establishment vibe from these songs? He certainly aspires for it, but to me it just doesn’t ring true.

At least, that’s the best explanation I can come up with. It could be just as simple as it’s not my taste, but I feel compelled to come up with reasoning due to the extreme reaction I get from people when I tell them that “Scenes from an Italian Restaurant” doesn’t make my arm hair stand on end and change my life every time I hear it.

Other things I dislike that make my friends hate me:

The TV show “Scrubs.” I don’t find Zach Braff’s brand of humor to be funny at all. I think it tries to be a clever geek chic silly, but instead comes off as dumb. Oh, look, someone’s being whacky! And now they’ve fallen down. Now everything’s sentimental, so we’re going to have an overly serious musical montage showing the cast in tender moments despite all the jackassery that just occurred. It makes me want to put a bullet through the television, Elvis Presley style.

What has two thumbs and is wholly unconvincing as a street-tough? THIS GUY!

“The Departed.” Yes, the Scorcese film. I think it’s easily my least favorite he’s ever made. I find Nicholson’s scenery chewing to be grating. Wahlberg and Damon are irritating beyond belief in this film, even though I’ve liked them in some of their other works. And Leonardo DiCaprio? Don’t even get me started on this guy. I doubt there’s a single more overrated actor in all of Hollywood. I never find him convincing in any role he’s playing, especially all the bad-ass roles he’s taken with Scorcese. What, I’m supposed to buy that this blonde, blue-eyed, 5’6”, 135 pound dude can kick anyone’s ass? Please. This film just seemed like movie stars who got together because they wanted to do a crime drama rather than a grand ensemble piece highlighting the criminal underbelly of Boston. The worst thing is that I thought the film was still redeemable, but then it completely goes off the rails the third act with bodies dropping everywhere for no discernible reason other than to accentuate the violent world they inhabit. Well of course it’s violent, they’re gangsters! Do we need Mark Wahlberg in a stupid body condom to demonstrate this? And that stupid, artless “rat” imagery! Awful. Just awful.

REACT: folks, do you have any music/television/films/books that your friends think you’re just insane for not hating?