A Cure for Real Life

WoW is my usual Xanax of choice for stupid real life. It isn’t working right now and since I received Witcher 3 from my daughter and son-in-law for Christmas I thought I’d see if it would work better.

Yes, that’s me. I’m a total badass. The baddest, baddiest badass EVER. Not much resemblance to me IRL though, except for the hair.

Early going was rough, I knew my son-in-law was interested in Witcher and I thought I’d have to give it back to him. I couldn’t graduate from the tutorial. Same problem I usually have.

I was supposed to throw a bomb from a key that wouldn’t work. I finally figured out how to keybind it to something reasonable and passed! Yay! I can see the world!

What? Although I installed the game on my D: drive where’s there’s plenty of room it also put a LOT of junk on my C: to the point that my operating system would be squashed. How dare they!

That took me forever to try to regain some room. System Restore Points? Who need those anyway … and I managed to get the game to run from the D: rather than the steamish thing it installed. We’re in business!

Let’s see the world! Oh yeah … combat. Should have paid more attention. Impossible keys again and I want to see the world so I’ll just keybind one attack to my one key. I don’t need no stinking parry and dodge.

I called my horse. And I am not only smoking hot and a badass, I can vault onto my horse from behind. I know, how cool is that.

Ghoul attack! Ghoul attack! Crap!

How do I dismount … oh, okay.

One key, one key, one key!

One key really hard!

ONE KEY! ONE KEY!

Crap! I’m almost dead here!

I had to run away. Geralt of Rivia didn’t run away, I ran away. Then I got caught up in gathering. He’s probably getting really annoyed waiting for me while I pick flowers but it’s relaxing and the world’s so beautiful.

I know Geralt! Jeez, he thinks I should make use of the combat tutorial again. You know, I’m starting to think you’re not a badass Geralt, you’re a smart ass.

Oh alright … maybe he’s right. Maybe I DO need to know how to parry and dodge. Anyway, greetings from White Orchard! Geralt and I may be stuck here … a while.

It’s kinda like being stuck in Elwynn Forest or Tirisfal Glades for the entirety of your WoW career. I know, Geralt will never live it down.