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I don't post on this forum that much but I do read alot .. I just wanted to share some writings over the past 5 or 6 yrs since I found this site.. In the beginning.. I had a back problem.. and was looking for a solution to save my marriage... I married a gal in AA.. and she relapsed, she had over 10 yrs when the lapsy poo came.. and from my own experience with a return to drinking after not drinking for 6 1/2 yrs.. the change for some is slow and for me, it was imediate.. so I was a bit miffed and more tolerant that she would pull out of her tailspin.. long story short.. we divorced and she is still out there.. and I know the pain of having recovery versus getting loaded while denying the severity of the problem.. all my bottoms have ended in complete failure...

So out that came new pain and a renewed vigor to get back in the goove.. 6 yrs have past.. there is life after relapse.. even if it isn't your own.. If you do get involved with another member in the program.. I encourage you to take in about a dozen Anon Meetings.. the addict/alcoholic in your life doesn't have to be in full blown addiction for you to qualify... but if you are like me.. you will wait until the pain gets so bad that drinking or using becomes an option.. it is not a pretty place to be.. I got lucky.. maybe not.. over half my life has been one meeting to the next.. I am on sponsor #5... and blessed with a wonderful home group..

An Addicts Prayer

I whispered, please help me, I can't go onthe road has been hard and far too long.When this thing started it was all fun and games,I had no idea, it was going to kick ass and take names.

And mind started to falter as I whispered my plea,I'd lost all my hope, and wondered where could it be?My body was hurting, for the only thing it knew,And I looked at the spoon, it started talking too.

I'd run out of real reasons and places to hide,my heart began aching there was no one at my sideHow did I get here and falling so low,Where was my dignity, where did it go?

And I remembered a promise from a long time ago,That God could and would if you just let him know.It was at one of those meetings, that first I heard the phrase,But I was lost in this thing called addiction and its dark maze.

I gave up all hope of ever finding my way back,And I looked at the needle ready to add one more track, When something inside me began to twist and snap, It was my lost soul leaving for that eternal nap.

And then at that moment, I heard something say,You don't need to do this, you've got one more dayNo one abandoned you, we were here all along,waiting and wondering for you to hear the song.

That's when it happened and I got on my knees,and I told him my sad story and begged him please.I got up and knew, I was done lying, stealing and cheating,and dragged my sorry ass back to a meeting.

My Angel

With the world at my feet, and the sky up above, there's a clamor of voices that are sending their love.For if not for my angel, that watches over me, I wonder and think, Where would I be?

So many times I wanted to hide and wanted to run,But where would I go when my pain wasn't done?And a quiet hour was nowhere to be found,the voices I hear cry out in an angry sound.....

Just let me be alone with myself and I'll figure it out,give me time and let my heart get ready to shout.at the pain and the hurt that lingers on,into the night and wakes me at dawn.....

And how can I see that the world at my feet,was only God's plan and I couldn't retreat,Into despair or the lost hope of a broken heart,Then I found myself waiting but was ready to start.

Then I picked up the phone and began to dial,with my thoughts wandering across my denial,It was my angel that was waiting for me to call,He was my sponsor, a man and that was all..

The Pain of Watching You

You gave me so much hope againWhen you crawled up from despair, there weren't too many answers left for us to really share.

I've watched you fall so many times,Into the broken glass, and this you began to call your story,And I would pick you up and dust you off,Only to watch you dig again in that horrible quarry.

I watched you change before my very eyes,to something that I couldn't even recognize,and everything you really valued, seemed to slip away,you tossed it on the heap of rubbish with artful compromise.

So when you fell this time again I knew,I gave up all my hope, believing this was all you'd ever do.My heart decided it was close to done,with the pain of watching you....

They say there is a bottom to this abominable affliction,and where it is I can't begin to know, I haven't that certain clueSomeone told me there was no cure for thing called addiction,but for now I'm done, with the pain of watching you.

Wow! If these poems haven't already been made into hit songs they should be...but I would hope for fame and fortune without all of the things that go along with it. Thanks for a healthy message for those that need it. Thanks for sharing!

I have a friend who is a very talented and successful musician and singer, currently he is involved in the Playing for Change project......may I pass on the lyrics (that is what they are) to him of The Pain of Watching You?

__________________If I walked on water, my family would say I couldn't swim!!!!We've all done dangerous and wreckless things because of our alcoholism. Me,I got married!!! Annette O.
I'm getting divorced, it should have been a very happy marriage, we were both madly in love with him.

I wish I could sing.. I can but I am not stellar by any account.. but I have been playing music since I was 8.. and have been in or played with over 90 Bands..

You can pass it on.. I also have another version of this poem re-written by my Friend Bonnie E. which is a little longer and has the same rythmn.. basically this poem was written about my now ex wife's relapse.. she had 10 plus yrs of very active program.. her re-write is about her now ex BF and his crack problem.

My bother also can record online music.. he mixes his guitar with others guitars from all over.. he sends them his palying.. they play to him and he uses a sophisticated program to make it all sound right. When I record my harmonica (be playing 40 yrs) I hardly ever play to live music.. he records me and then mixes it.. we have fun..

I have written lyrics many times.. in fact I can write lyrics to just about any music.. they just come to me..

Jim I passed it on and it's going to be used and tweaked a bit. Just to use "the pain of watching you" a bit more. He loved it. I too write lyrics.....but used to do so when full of pot and booze......ah well.

Annette

__________________If I walked on water, my family would say I couldn't swim!!!!We've all done dangerous and wreckless things because of our alcoholism. Me,I got married!!! Annette O.
I'm getting divorced, it should have been a very happy marriage, we were both madly in love with him.