July 27, 2007

Postulations, Provisions and Purpose

It's the age old questions, "Why am I here? What am I meant to do?" Questions that have probably confounded man since his brain could manifest some inkling of philosophical conjecture. I feel fortunate that my brain can manifest some inkling of philosophical conjecture. Unfortunately I don't have any answers.

Why am I here? To be honest, I don't have the first fucking clue. If we look at what I don't have we can see that I have, at least to my knowledge, not produced any offspring at this point. We can conclude from this piece of information that either I do not get laid, I get laid and practice safe sex and that I am, at this point, not here to perpetuate our species.

I also try to be a writer, it is what I enjoy doing most for paycheck and purpose. But my paychecks are small and I cannot get my voice past the media that exist in my local market. It would be nice if my words found a much larger audience, and nicer still if I could effect this audience in a positive manner and garner a larger sum of money for doing so. But that doesn't, at this point, seem to be why I am here.

I am not a coach or a teacher. I do not work for a public service institution. I have two businesses and still need to work at a bar to come close to paying my bills. I am not a fan of mathematics or physics. I find science and biology fascinating to study yet can pose no real original theories of my own. I don't sell or create pharmaceuticals that might save people's lives. I am not religious. I am not a soldier. I am not a politician. I am not an activist, an advocate or an associate.

So what am I?

If we look at what I have we can see that I am a bartender. Is my purpose to get people booze, make most people laugh and remove some people from the premises? If there is meaning in that, that why isn't it meaningful enough for me to accept as my purpose?

As a writer in this island's local magazines I consistently have people come up and tell me that they enjoy what I write... even when they have found only after reading an article that I was the one who wrote it. Some people like my words because they know me, other people like my words because they like my words. And I am sure some people don't give two shits about what I have to say... although they never tell me so. So what does this mean?

Am I meant to be just a local writer? Should I settle for this role? Or, if I continue to receive such comments should I demand more of myself; try to achieve a louder voice in a more prolific market? If their feedback gives me hope and enjoyment, is it okay to hope that I one day might be able to give more enjoyment to a wider audience? Is this a pipe dream, and if it isn't, why hasn't it happened by now? Am I a good writer, or am I so-so writer in town full of hacks? Am I big fish in a little pond so to speak? How do I stand up against the best? I can only assume that I don't stand up very well since I get turned down project after project.

But still I try. Why?

I feel without purpose when I am not able to write and share a voice anymore. It's not the paycheck (those are nice though, even if they aren't substantial), it's the feeling of not being able to contribute, to be heard or to have meaning. I feel depressed when I don't have a writing job to pursue... even if it's only a local one. So is a writer what I am meant to be?

As a writer can I be everything without being any one thing in particular. Can I coach, teach and serve the public with my words? Can I be an activist, an advocate or an associate? Might I be able to save people's lives? Am I meant to have lofty goals that I might never reach?

I remain as I was before I began writing this article; a son, an uncle, a family member and a friend. An enemy, a confidant, a competitor and a listener. A searcher and unsure. Maybe I was just meant to try. If we keep things simple instead of letting them get complicated, trying is usually enough. The effort, in and of itself, is usually rewarding if we can comprehend the moment that we are engulfed in.

Maybe our answers are simply to have our questions. Curiosity is the prelude to discovery. On the day when we truly understand that we will never truly understand we will find the ability to feel the true power of ourselves and the taste of wisdom.

Then again, what the hell do I know? I don't know why the hell I'm here.

Comments

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Well,Craig! U really succeed to touch the philosofical point of the eternal questions of being!U seem to be a very deep person cuz our life isn't just the way to earn money and to spend it...Believe me, i used to work in the sphere u worked and i saw a lot of people dying for a dollar...And i gonna resume my work in this sphere very soon. Back to what i've already read...I'm neither a writer nor a critic...But i see u've got a style of ur own...I'm a linguist by training so i know what i'm talking about:)))))Well, good luck to you!Take care!

Chip Heath and Dan Heath: Made To StickSmart brothers, classic case studies and sound reasoning. The book just makes sense. (***)

Clotaire Rapaille: The Culture CodeCulture certainly plays a role in what we want and how it should be sold to be successful. And Fortune 500 companies pay Rapaille very well to tell them how. Great insight on the perspective one needs to carry in today's global society. (***)

Seth Godin: The Big MooFun book. Short, poignant stories of success. Reminder that being remarkable and being perfect are vastly separate entities. (***)

Required Reading (As I See It)

Bruce Lee: Striking Thoughts: Bruce Lee's Wisdom For Daily LivingSimple. Profound. Striking. All from a man who died at 32. (****)

Ernest Hemingway: To Have And Have NotThe guy's a master. This is my current favorite selection. (****)

Harper Lee: To Kill A MockingbirdTwo words: Atticus. Finch. (****)

Marcus Aurelius: MeditationsHow many times do you get to crawl inside the head of a Roman emperor? (***)

Stephen F. Kaufman: The Book of Five RingsMiyamoto Musashi was the baddest philosopher/samurai that ever lived. He served no master but himself. The Book of Five Rings is his definitive strategy on proper living. (****)

Jon Krakauer: Into The WildI read this book before it was "cool". Great investigative reporting regarding one of life's most epic searches for "the truth". (****)

Neil Strauss: Motley Crue: the dirtRampant destruction in the name of greed, lust and arrogance. You will feel dirty after reading this book. (***)

Don Miguel Ruiz: The Four AgreementsLive life better. We all need to be reminded how. Some of us need to be shown. (***)

Dante: The InfernoThe classic treatise on the damned. I could think of people who need to re-read this in today's world. (****)

David Rensin: All For A Few Perfect WavesA series of interviews, from the men and women who paved the first roads of modern surfing, concerning the enigmatic life and times of surfing's legendary genius and consummate asshole Miki Dora. I'm still not sure what to make of Da Cat. (***)