Woob spent a few days at my sister’s house since babysitter was out sick with the plague for a few days. A little stressful for me, because to put it gently, she’s a little more “relaxed” when it comes to childcare and general supervision than I am. She’s a veteran mom, with three young daughters of her own, the youngest of which is 3. Next oldest is in kindergarten, and oldest is in 2nd grade.

I went to pick him up the second day, and he was grouchy because their schedule only allows for naps after picking the older girls up from school, so not til about 3. Which means I had to wake him up at 5 to go home, and so he would actually sleep at night. Which pissed him off royally. His poor routine has been rocked to the core lately. Anyhoo, upon leaving, I put him in the carseat, and of course Middle Neice is in the back seat with him because she has to be in on everything no matter what, and she gets in his face, so he kicked at her. Now I don’t condone kicking and it makes me a little angry when he does it to me. And I also know my neice is in fact little herself and doesn’t know boundaries like an older kid…BUT…

When he kicked at her, she became really angry with him and yelled “Woob, You Are A BAD BABY for Kicking Me!! BAD BABY!” I almost stopped breathing. My sister gently chastised her but I had such an urge to react badly, and thankfully I didn’t. But those words. He is not a bad baby. I NEVER want him to believe he is/was a bad baby. I NEVER want him to believe that’s why he was placed. Kids get those notions on their own and don’t need other people reinforcing those beliefs, even if they’re silly little kids.

And the additional crappy thing about it, is that when I try to explain WHY you might want to word things differently, or WHY it pains me to leave my boy overnight, or WHY I think he reacted so badly after I did, people just think I’m crazy. There’s such an element of If-You’re-Not-Living-It-You-Might-Not-Ever-“Get-It” that also hurts my soul a little.

I know you know she didn’t mean it the way it sounded–it’s more giving children the language (and adults) to express the problem–“Woob, don’t kick me! I don’t like that! That hurt!”

Parents need those lessons too–in my classroom, it’s not “you’re being bad”, it’s “when you (state behavior), this happens” or “people don’t like to be near you when you are kicking”, things like that.

NO kid should be told that they are “bad”–it’s the behavior, not the person.

I am not an adoptive parent I don’t think I completly understand. There is a whole other levelto that comment because of adoption but no child is bad. Their actions might be not the greatest reaction to a situation, but NOTHING aboutany child is bad.