Sunday, January 13, 2013

It could be crazy or genius, who knows.

I like food. I like to eat. I eat way too impulsively and pretty unhealthy.

And, with an eye towards living forever, I've decided to try an experiment. A DIET. Scares the be-jebus out of me too. But, I did my research. The one I've settled on got high marks for being overall healthy, actually having positive impact on cholesterol and blood pressure and preventing diabetes. But, the thing that really caught my eye was that this particular diet received good reviews for being good for kidneys.

Now, I've done battle with my kidneys for several years now. There was the whole debacle with them about a year ago that brought about very expensive tests and various meds. So, a diet that is suppose to help your kidneys, well that's worth investigating. If there is some weight loss, that would be a bonus, but given that recent research founds that being a few pounds plumper than a super model actually isn't all that bad for you . . . I'm not so interested in becoming a shell of my monkey self.

I recognize that the specific meal plans were written for people who need hand holding. And people who don't have the inclination or skill to prepare actual food. I'm a tad disturbed by the diet's author's reliance on artificial sweeteners and processed foods. But, the initial phase of the diet is just two weeks, and hey . . . you can survive pretty much anything for two weeks.

The first two weeks see a diet of veg and meat and eggs and cheese and yogurt. And, sadly, sugar free jello. Jello is infirmary food. In this diet, during the first two weeks, it's a substitute for fruit. (Yuck!) But, I'm going to play along. But, I am pretty sure that after the first two weeks, there will be no more jello but lots of fruit.

After the first two weeks, it seems more sensible. Whole grains, quality carbs, fruit, milk, and occasional boozy drinks.

The real issues I have with the specific meal plan is that it was clearly written by someone who isn't nearly as obsessed with food as I am. First, it is pretty wasteful. There are meals that center around a food item that can only be purchased in specific numbers, but they only show up on the plan once. Like veggie hot dogs. You can't buy just one or two veggie hot dogs. But, by having meal by meal, snack by snack plans, you will have folks with rotting veggie hot dogs in their fridges. Also, the recommendations for fruits are wacky. One day, the plan will call for eating strawberries with your lunch, and then the next day clementine oranges, and then the next peaches. (Fresh fruit, not canned.) Um, those fruits are never in season during the same week. Buying out of season strawberries is wasteful, bad for the planet, and likely to make you not like strawberries. Especially when it comes to fruit, I'm totally of the school that when it's in season, I eat my weight in it . . . and then wait happily for the next season to roll around.

But, I'm creative enough, and skilled enough with food that I'm confident I can make reasonable modifications and still meet the requirements of the diet.

Knowing that I start this process tomorrow, I'm spending this weekend eating the last of the forbidden foods. PASTA NOW!!!!