Tag Archives: richard simmons

Let’s all take a moment of silence, and remember dumb “fitness celebrity”: John Basedow. He’s not dead, he’s just run out of enough money to make commercials with some low-budget whore whining the phrase “Fitness Made Simple” while some chubby guy tenderly humps a fitness ball. He would stand there looking sad and angry with his jean shirt open, exposing his carved man tits for fat ladies everywhere. His eyebrows are Vulcan-like, which upsets the Vulcans because they are totally smarter than dumbshit John Basedow, and they would take great pleasure in disintegrating his girly little ass.

Apparently Basedow continues his claim that he is a celebrity, despite a fake press release claiming he died in that tsunami disaster back in 2004. I think we all wanted him dead, and somebody had the glorious idea to pretend what it would be like if it actually happened. No! What actually happened was much more horrifying than you can ever imagine. Basedow was abducted by bonified fitness celebrity Richard Simmons. Then he was chained in an underground torture chamber for Simmons’ sick personal enjoyment. What, did you think Richard Simmons really stays fit sweating to the friggin OLDIES?