Monday, November 12, 2012

brushing her hair.

apparently before surgery, they normally cut the hair in the back a little shorter.

had i been remotely in the right mind, i would have braided the entire back. so it wouldnt matte.

but i wasnt in the right mind. and so we didnt. so it was literally matted. :( i brought moraccan oil conditioner and curl silkening detangler and a comb. i was going to sit and work it out. spend TIME and take each piece apart.

withing 3 mins, i asked for scissors. there was no way.

i made jokes and said "well, thats okay - she hasnt had it long anyway!" and "well, i mean, i guess she won't have it for much longer - so no big deal!"

but then i cut... and cut... and was able to comb. besides them shaving part of her head for surgery, this was her first haircut. not as exciting as aidan and sawyer's.

i sat there and combed out all the rest of the tiny tangles. the conditioner i brought smells so good. makes me a bit sad that this is the same as the shampoo that i have in my shower - i just dont want to remember feeling sad.

i brushed the rest of her hair out with my fingers. her big curls flop right over where i cut and you cant notice a thing. i rubbed her head, fluffed up her curls... and i cried. i dont know why. i just thought about how, after her hair falls out from chemo, ill have to wait for more than 2 years for her hair to be this long again. does that matter? of course not. but it does signify a change. a sick baby. MY sick baby.

today we talked to the oncologist. he decided that it would be easier on her if we did a lighter dose of chemo every week vs. a stronger dose every 3-4 weeks. we have to make sure we watch her DI closely - and the stronger dose might make her vomit, she'd need more fluids, etc. and i feel "okay" with that. i am happy that they are doing it in a gentle way. and he said that she will be herself all 6 of the other days of the week. and most go home that day just fine. what a weight off of my shoulders! i understand that things may be different for her - but i am holding on to that hope.

so while reese and i laid on the couch tonight, me running my fingers through her strawberry hair, she fell asleep. eyes (almost) closed. which she hasnt done since we've been here.

and i realized that aidan, yesterday, summed it all up perfectly:

while i was on the Prayers For Reesey facebook group, aidan walked up behind me and saw the pic of reese's fresh chevron scar and asked me about "why did they have to cut her hair?!" and she said "i love her when she looks like herself". so we went to my bed to talk. all of a sudden aidan says "ya know -- reesey is the same reese no matter what she looks like".

and that, my friends, is all we need to remember.

so instead, i dried my face and started thinking about where i was going to get her slammin' hats. and remembering how cute she'll be -- just like she was xmas 2010 ;)

today i scrolled... and scrolled.. and scrolled through an overwhelming amount of photos that people had taken of candles lit for reese. i clicked on the #gingerfight hash on instagram to see the same amazing response. i cant even explain how supported i felt. people talked about reese with their families, prayed, explained to their kids what reese is going through... i just... there are no words. except for: thank you.

I happen to stumble upon your blog this evening. I wasn't expecting to sit down and sob! My heart breaks for your daughter and for your family. You see, my family went through a similar situation a little over a year ago. My nephew had a brain tumor and went through surgery, radiation, and chemo. It was a rough year but he is a fighter. He has made it through the worst and I know there are brighter days ahead! When I hear of others experiencing the pain that is in this world, it makes me so sad. I hope that you have a strong faith in the Lord, friends and family to support you, and lots of love to carry you through. My prayers are with you! Keep strong, keep your faith, and keep fighting! There are brighter days ahead!

I can't comment on the post with the map/postcards as my browser is playing up, but I just wanted to comment and say that I will be sending a postcard from Scotland because I live in Edinburgh and we have a real Castle in the middle of our city. I have only just started reading but I feel for your little princess and maybe seeing a castle will help cheer her.

It won't go on your map but hopefully it'll be a special piece of mail from far away. Sending love from here.

this.years.love.

I am wife to E.J. and mom of 5 [ginger] girls. I'm a Dallas photog who thrives on telling stories with the in between moments and chasing the sun until bedtime. Wine drinker. Book reader. Mom'cologist to one. I spend each day knowing that every moment is a gift. I like to read sad books and laugh until my sides hurt. I write to tell our story. All of it.