Teenage Boys & Discipline

Parents consistently lament to me that their sons won’t listen and behave. Their discipline falls on deaf ears and stony hearts.

Well, there’s a secret to disciplining boys. Boys will do virtually anything their fathers want them to do.

Even at three years old, every boy wants to feel loved, accepted and valued. They quickest way he knows how to get there is by seeing mom or dad happy with him. That doesn’t change. A parent’s job is to understand this need and meet it. It gets hard because most parents get exhausted. And when the teen years hit, and our boys are home less, we feel pressured to get our points across quickly and emphatically.

In short, we speak (or lecture) too soon, too frequently to our sons and fail to give them an ear. No boy listens to a parent who lectures before he listens. No son wants his father’s advice if he is repeatedly interrupted or criticized. The truth is most sons already know the point a mother or father wants to drive home. Sons know what you like, dislike, want, or expect from them. That’s why, when dealing with a teenager, it’s less important to talk than to listen.

Many have heard the old adage that for every criticism made to a child, seven compliments must follow.

In the teen years, it is equally important that your son has seven times as much positive time with you (listening to him) as he has negative time (criticizing or correcting him).

1 Comment

100% off topic: Where do you talk about eating habits of children? I have a 4-year old girl who doesn’t eat at meal time, then complains of being hungry later on. I don’t give her anything to eat at that time and explain that she chose not to eat at meal time. This has been going on for about a week now. I’m not worried about her starving, because she will take care of that herself at meal time. I’m worried about creating future eating habits that are bad for her. Any help would be appreciated.