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Sunday, October 9, 2011

ALDS 2011 Game 1

Last week, you had Lisa flying solo (unlike Han Solo who flies with Chewbacca) because Serena had to do her adult job by working at the Walk Now for Autism Speaks at Jones Beach. Since we know you’re all dying inside with curiosity, yes. She did meet Darth Vader and yes. A photo of their blossoming relationship was taken. Photos from the engagement shoot were taken on the Death Star...which is way more interesting than an engagement shoot done at a baseball stadium. But that’s just two women’s opinion. Will post photos at a later date. Stay tuned. You’ll love them.

ANYHOO, time for poll results, which we suspect you cheated on because we got a sudden upsurge of response after certain teams were eliminated from playoff contention. Lisa asked who you thought would go to the World Series. 1 person voted for the Yankees (probably before the offense took a crap and failed miserably to do its job) and 1 person chose the Tigers. Again, did you choose this immediately following the Yankees’ offense taking a crap? You’re probably envisioning riding the Verlander ship all the way into the October Classic. We can’t say that we blame you. 2 people voted for the Phillies, which was to be expected. What wasn’t expected was that more people didn’t vote for the Phillies, which pretty much proves that you cheated as is the fact that 5 of you voted for the Brewers. C’mon. Seriously. If the Phillies had advanced, are you really going to sit there and tell us that you believed the Brewers were going to defeat them? Lies. Naturally, 3 of you voted for the a-hole choice and that was us. Us being the TBB. We know that we joke a lot that we can pitch better than certain team’s bullpens, but that doesn’t mean we should try. Rays, Rangers, Diamondbacks, and Cardinals all got a fat goose egg. Looks like we all experienced our own ballet here. A ballet of disappointment.

As you may recall, we were super excited to score tickets to Game 1 of the ALDS. Game 1 featured a matchup between CC Sabathia and Justin Verlander. Golden. This was going to be magic. Of course, it was too easy. As usual with Yankees games these days, we took the train to the game on the eve of September 30th. We arrived with plenty of time to grab a bite to eat at the Southern BBQ stand on the main level. Both of us ordered a pulled pork sandwich. Remembering how much we enjoyed the stadium’s French fries, we decided to order a side of fries. Lisa ordered a small size like a lady and since Serena was hungry, loves fries, and apparently didn’t remember what the sizes looked like, over-eagerly ordered a large. Upon receiving the enormous cup of fries, Serena remembered why her stomach hurt so much the last time she ordered them. It’s just too much! And yes! Too many fries really is possible!!! Lisa’s order came to $16.50 and Serena’s was $18.50. Had we known what was to go down later in the evening, we would’ve second guessed these pricy decisions.

After we polished off everything (Serena insisted on finishing the fries because they were so expensive despite the fact that her stomach felt terrible), we hurried to our seats to catch the opening ceremony. First, the team lineups.

Next, the national anthem.

Finally, the ceremonial first pitch thrown by Mariano Rivera to Jorge Posada. This was weird to us. We see this all the time. Why were they chosen to do this? We expected an old-timer Yankee or a cancer kid. Maybe a member of the FDNY or NYPD?

At last, CC Sabathia took the mound and the game got underway. Sabathia was on like Donkey Kong. He struck out the first two batters before giving up a solo shot to Delmon Young.

In the bottom of the 1st, Justin Verlander took the mound. Serena took like 5 stupid photos as if they’d come out awesome with our seats being a million miles away in a galaxy far, far away.

Derek Jeter led off the inning with a single. Verlander walked Curtis Granderson, but got Robinson Cano to ground out, advancing Jeter and Granderson to 2nd and 3rd. Alex Rodriguez registered the second out at first, but Jeter scored on the play. Sabathia would return to the mound amid a downpour.

As you can see, the rich folks were already acting like chicken sh*ts and running for cover.

He finished the inning, but following the third out, the umpires called for the tarp.

Of course, like we said earlier. Everything had been too damn easy. The TBB were in yet another rain delay. We’re starting to think a black cloud just follows us around. It was 9:10 pm.

While rich people with high-priced seats clamored into our section for protection (kudos for our usher who didn’t them into the section without correct tickets…how does it feel, rich a-holes who consistently deny us entry even when you don’t bother showing up to the game???), we were nice and dry.

Lisa surfed her BlackBerry and inspected her nails to pass the time while we waited. Keep in mind, Serena had to be at work the next day to set up for Sunday’s walk.

At 9:45 pm, the tarps came off the field. We think we might have high-fived in response.

In a matter of minutes (3 to be exact), the sky opened up again and the tarps came back on.

And boy, did the rain come down.

The game was finally called at 10:24 pm. It took us an hour to walk from our seats to the subway platform because the crowd was so dense and slow moving. We wished we had taken a picture of the scene in the subway station for you because the amount of people sandwiched between the station’s entrance and the turnstile definitely violated fire code.

Now we had a new dilemma. The game would resume the following night at 8:30 pm. Serena had to be at Jones Beach by 6:00 am for the Autism Speaks walk. Also, we were broke. There was no way we could afford to buy food at the game the following night. Of course. It had been way too easy.

Saturday, October 1st. Since we could waste time dealing with a crowd and the subway station, we were forced to drive into Yankees Stadium for the first time in 2 years. In route, Lisa tried to snap a photo as we passed Citi Field.

Upon arriving at the parking garage, we remembered why we stopped driving to the stadium. Parking cost $45. Awesome. Nevertheless, we remained upbeat about the upcoming game. Since we arrived earlier than the subway ever would’ve gotten us there, we stopped into the Yankees Museum again. New additions included the 2009 World Series ring created by Tiffany’s…

…and the 2009 World Series trophy (displayed in the same case as the jersey worn by Derek Jeter when he hit his 3,000th hit…cos’ that makes total sense being that they happened in the same year and all…WTF?)

As we stepped out of the museum, we got a good glimpse of the Hall of Legends (As you can see, despite the early time, a lot of people were already arriving):

Before heading to our seats for the second time in two nights, we decided to check out the team store on the main level for new stuff to play with. Lisa found these creeptastic dolls of Derek Jeter, Alex Rodriguez, and Mark Texeira. Can you guess which is which?

Finally, we headed for our seats to eat dinner. Who is ready for Game 1 Take 2?

Since we had no extra money (a situation the parking fee exacerbated), we were forced to do a recession dinner. Behold 2 peanut butter and jelly sandwiches each, 2 bags of Cheez-Its, and 2 bags of pretzel Goldfish.

The game literally resumed where it left off in the bottom of the 2nd. No replay of the opening ceremonies or anything like that.

Doug Fister took the mound for the Tigers and Jorge Posada led things off with a single to right field. Despite the promising start, the inning closed with the score remaining 1-1. The Champagne Super Nova took the mound for the Yankees and we couldn’t help but feel bitter that we weren’t getting the pitching matchup we’d been promised. However, Serena enjoyed singing the Oasis song.

Nothing really happened until the 5th when Robinson Cano hit a home run and then it was ruled a double. Score 2-1. We still don’t know exactly what happened because the jumbotron didn’t show the replay, but the fans in our section were quite displeased.

This is what initial joy looks like:

Eventual disappointment:

In the top of the 6th, Lisa decided she couldn’t take the cold anymore and went for a hot chocolate run. She paid $4.50 for something that turned lukewarm by the time she returned to her seat. In the top of the 6th, 2 runs score on a double hit by Brett Gardner. Both Jeter and Granderson got on base to load the bases for Robinson Cano. Lisa turned to Serena and said, “Grand salami.” Sure enough, Cano launched one over the wall, making the score 8-1.

No visit to Yankees Stadium would be complete without witnessing the 7th inning YMCA. While the grounds crew did their thing, our section did this:

By the way, see that kid to the left in that terrible sweatshirt? He was super annoying. Allow us to tell you why. He chose to sit in front of Serena while his father sat in the row in the section to the left of us. Apparently, his father thought it was really funny that his son (who definitely needs to be put on Ritalin or something stronger) continued to hit Serena with his head (because he wasn’t paying attention to where his head was while head banging) and flailing arms (because that’s how he danced) and spent more time blocking our view of the game (because of his jumping, flailing arm dance moves) than actually sitting and enjoying the sport of baseball. Listen, good ole’ dad. We understand why you didn’t want to sit with your annoying son, but guess what? He’s your kid and your cross to bear, not ours. You’re stuck with him. Not to mention that he is entirely too young to be sitting at a sporting event surrounded by drunk and potentially violent men without a parental figure. At some point, Serena snapped and she couldn’t take it anymore.

She slouched low in her seat, put her feet on the back of the kid’s seat (which wasn’t his actual seat, remember?), and inched her knees forward so that on the rare occasions he sat down, he had her feet in his back and knees against his head. It was a small, yet satisfying victory.

In the bottom of the 8th, it became clear that this was the Cano show. With Jeter on base, Cano hit another RBI double, making the score 9-1. In the bottom of the 9th, things got a little scary, but the Yankees held on and the final score was 9-3. At the end of the game, we ran to the car to get on the road as quickly as possible since Serena had to be up in a few hours for work.

Since this post is a little late, by this time we’re all aware that the Yankees lost the series to the Tigers in Game 5. We’re not going to spend a huge chunk of time on discussing the Division Series, but it should be said that since the loss, fans and media having been screaming for the heads of Alex Rodriguez, Mark Texeira, and Nick Swisher. Folks, Rodriguez, Texeira, and Swisher aren’t the only men on that team that sucked hard at the plate. What about Jeter? God forbid we should say something bad about New York’s personal Jesus. He did absolutely nothing on offense all series. So why aren’t we screaming for his head? The only players that did anything consistently at the plate were Gardner and Cano. Therefore, Cano and Gardner should get cookies for their good work while the rest of the lineup should be given the same amount of sh*t as Rodriguez, Texeira, and Swisher are getting. Granted, Swisher hasn’t really produced effectively all season, so we can kind of understand people’s frustration with him, but Rodriguez and Tex? Really? When Rodriguez was healthy this season, he did his job as did Tex, so shut up and eat it. We’d rather have two players like them on our team that put effort into every single game they play in over a selfish player who doesn’t give a sh*t anymore. No one can say that they’ve ever seen Rodriguez and Tex not put forth effort on the field. They do. And you know what? So does Swisher, which is why he can be forgiven for his uselessness at the plate. If you’re going to hang someone for this loss, hang the entire team.

TBB World Series predictions: Tigers and Lisa’s taking the Cardinals while Serena’s going with the Brewers. Cardinals have momentum, but the Brewers have the 2 BB’s: Bratwurst and Braun. What, what, bitches!