Tuesday, May 31, 2005

For the Love of Barack

(image via s-train)The courting of Barack Obama is growing ferociously competetive in the Senate among Democratic hopefuls, apparently. Hillary and Joe Biden are both trying to recruit him to their cause. Biden isn't going anywhere, though, except possibly an appointment as Secretary of State under a less follicley-challenged and more charismatic Democrat; Hillary all but has the nomination already locked, but hath not nearly enough Senate seniority to sweeten up the pot in a tete-a-tete with Biden. Radar Online reports:

"The 2008 presidential race may still be a ways off, but sources say Democratic hopefuls New York Sen. Hillary Clinton and Delaware Sen. Joe Biden have already clashed in their courtship of potential running mate and presumed party savior Barack Obama."

"The wooing began not long after Obama won his Illinois senate seat last November when an unofficial 'Clinton-Obama 2008' organization began circulating bumper stickers for the possible pairing. Sensing an opening, Clinton quickly bonded with Obama, playing up their shared Chicago roots and partnership on the outre Environmental and Public Works Committee."

Hillary: Hey, you're on the Environmental and Public Works Committee. So am I. Small world. How cool is that?Barack: Suuper. (Averted Gaze) My "tootsies" are aching. (Cracked voice) "Daddy" wants a pedicure.Hillary: (Soothing) What have you been doing to these widdle piggies, "Daddy"? (Gently Admonishing) Have you been filibustering? Let me massage these for you.

"But Clinton's gonna have to do a lot better than that if she wants to outplay Biden, sources say.

"Not only was the silver-haired senator a fixture at Obama's Chicago campaign fundraisers last year, he also managed to snag his new pal a coveted slot on the decidedly more glamorous Foreign Relations Committee, providing the two with some priceless photo ops in the battleground states of Iraq and Afghanistan. "

Biden: (Suppliant; Neck bared, submissively, a la "Wild Kingdom") Can I hand-feed you another Lamb kebab, "alpha"?Barack: (Nonchalant) I couldn't eat another one, Joe. I'm fit to bust already.Biden: This is the life, alpha, isn't it?Barack: That it is, my friend. No good turn will be forgotten, Joe, and no transgression unavenged.

"With a recent Pew Research poll showing a majority of Americans supposedly ready to vote for Hillary, the former First Lady isn't likely to roll over and let Biden poach her hoped-for secret weapon. 'Hillary practically adopted Obama, and now Joe's stealing her baby,' says one Capitol Hill observer. 'She's definitely got a grudge against Biden.'"

Hillary: I saw him first, you balding plagiarist! That sweet black ass is mine!Biden: He's miiine!

"Watching The Daily Show is a blast (The Corsair pours himself a glass of the bubbly). Our Mark Twain, Jon Stewart, is the hippest kid in the Chattering Class (sips the champagne). The merry pranksters at The Daily Show treat their classmates -- the mainstream media and the mandarins of Georgetown -- to a proper paddling five days a week. And, despite the luscious ass slaps, the swishy set still clamors for an invite. Tarts!

"... For example, pseudo-reporter 'Dick Ironbody,' (The Corsair averts his gaze) played so ably by Rob Corddry, crashes press conferences on grave social issues as a costumed, seedy, news correspondent. Corddry brings to the role a filthy 70s reporter energy. He is as appealing as an oyster sandwich on a hot summers day. One half expects Ironbody to ask the luckless politician caught in his crosshairs, 'Hey, baby, what�?s your sign?' Equally plausible would be Ironbody spontaneously performing 'The Hustle,' ... effectively sapping all dignity from the room.

"Further along, on the 'angry red' side of the Daily Show kaleidoscopic spectrum is the acerbic Lewis Black. Black explodes on cue, blasting away at the latest mainstream media incompetence with moral outrage �? outrage! (The Corsair lights up a Macanudo Robust Baron de Rothschild) The accurately named Black does his best impersonation of a stroke victim choking on a plate of 'beef cheeks' when delivering these spastic monologues."

Above: "When the Jews return to Zion/And a comet fills the sky/And the Holy Roman Empire rises/Then you and I must die." Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney, The Desolate One. (image via Harvard)

Out: The Glorious Evil of Governor Mitt Romney. Cue to the Theme from The Omen. There is something so gloriously and unapologetically evil about Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney -- 666 -- that it's almost refreshing. Even his name pronounced trippingly on the tongue tastes like blood. Not since Lucifer fancied himself more competent than the "naive" Semitic God has a political player been so audacious in his "nightmoves."

Oftentimes, The Corsair has been moved --rhapsodically -- to compare Governor Romney to the dark John Hoynes on The West Wing. Piffle! The fictional Hoynes wouldn't last a minute with the ubersatanic Romney, a man whose overarching dream is to be President, but can he do so with those pronounced cloven hooves? We shall soon know his velocity. Check this out on The Governor's "evolving" (Averted Gaze) views on abortion choice for women, from Boston.com:

"Governor Mitt Romney recently told USA Today he is 'in a different place' on the subject of abortion. He declined to elaborate, but the ''place" he is in is a confusing one and has been for a long time.

"As a recent article in the conservative American Spectator concluded: ''As the 2008 GOP nomination contest approaches, many Americans will be watching to see if Mitt Romney is another abortion waffler, or if he has just been holding back all these years.' The Spectator labels Romnepro-choicece, but the author expresses the hope that Romney's position was nothing more than a ruse to win election in liberal Massachusetts."

Altogether now, say it with me then shudder: "Eeeevill."

So therapeutic, people; when we say it in tandem The Corsair feels exorcised. But that's nothing. Although his wife suffers from Multiple Sclerosis: Mitt Romneyvetoed a stem cell research bill in Massachusetts.

Altogether now, we shall sing the them to The Omen: ho-ho: Antichrist!

Above: The "sublime" marriage of reformed pimp Ice T and his overripe wife, Coco. (image via Showbizireland)In: A Little Ice T, A Little "BJ." It's summer, unofficially at least. And what says summer more emphatically than a little cool Ice T here, a little "Bj" there, and a splash of "Coco" in the night. Allow me to explain the last part in that curious series. According to Lloyd Grove's Lowdown:

"Lowdown hears that the 47-year-old 'Law & Order: SVU' star was serviced by his busty blond wife, Nicole (Coco) Austin, and an unidentified brunette woman, in full view of witnesses the other night at the Meatpacking District club NA."

The Corsair will refrain from making the obvious "meatpacking-beej" remark. Too easy. We set the bar higher. We have to answer to a Higher Authority.

"(Ice T's manager) added: 'It's just some club trying to play you for some publicity. Ice-T and Coco are not what you would call demure, so if this were legit, they'd say, 'We got a little buck crazy.'

Well, (Averted Gaze) rhymes with "buck" would be more accurate ..

"But according to witnesses, the 25-year-old Coco, a former swimwear model, and the brunette took turns under the tabletop of a back-room VIP banquette.

"'He was just layin' back, taking a photo of it here and there with a disposable camera,' a witness said. 'He seemed kinda halfway into it, and halfway business as usual.'

"...'Not everyone saw it,' explained a second witness. 'But if you were standing right there, you could see it.'"

Out: Hugh Hefner Reality Show. With all due respects to the old man and his labors, we eschew this sordid little enterprise thoroughly. It reeks of "louche." A Hugh Hefner reality show might have been a viable sell, oh, 20 years ago on -- say -- Showtime.

Now? Do we really need to see B-Listers and rappers and all sorts of seedy sports stars "humping" the bunnies at bacterial velocity in the grimy grotto, as the prototype of the Methuselan rake eggs them on with a wink of the ... "rheumy" eye and a Pepsi and Viagra cocktail in hand?

We'd ... really rather avoid thosproceedings if it's all the same with you, Junebug. (Exaggerated cough suggesting feigned detachment) Really and truly, we would. According to WENN (link via Iwantmedia)

"Playboy founder Hugh Hefner is planning to expose his private life in an upcoming reality show."The 79-year-old mogul, whose rotating list of blonde girlfriends and wild parties at his Playboy Mansion are among the most talked about subjects in Hollywood, is currently in talks to let curious fans see what really goes on in his life.

"He says, 'We're very close to (reaching a deal). I think that's we'll be doing one. It's premature to talk about it, but I think it's a very real possibility.'"

As if Bill Maher needs the extra exposure.

In: Gawkerist Sells Out.The Corsair has been meaning to write about Gawkerist, that witty attention-seeking send up of Gawker. But, in this fast changing world of bloggers, the artist formerly known as Gawkerist has already been appropriated and absorbed by the onslaught of the Denton Media Empire (TM). Chris Mahoney is going to guest edit Gridskipper for a week. Young Manhattanite archly called this bad dog early.

This would be a total case of selling out if there weren't such a delicious cae of vertigo inducing "meta"-nausea about it all, no?

Above: Francesco Galesi to Cornelia Bregman: "This varietal came from the veins of a particularly ornery Uruguayan peasant. As such, it is worthy to grace my table. You can all but taste the adrenaline, can't you? I find it ... bold, yet unpretentious. (image via NySocialDiary)

Thursday, May 26, 2005

We feel a little bit evil about posting this one up, folks. Just a little. We feel oily, oily like that pseudoFrenchman in Fame who led "Coco" (so ably played, by the way, by Irene Cara, thank you) to his seedy walk-up and got her to pose for the topless pictures while sucking on her thumb ("Et-vous, Coco, et-vous") This picture, similarly, is very unsexy. Katie Holmes clearly looks uncomfortable being the focus of this newfound attention. Or very constipated. One or the other.

The eyes are scrunched. The legs are contorted, painfully. It's a white-knuckle moment behind the partition, let me tell you. The lips are pursed firmly in the shape of a cat's ass. There's some preventative "legsweat" apparatus going on 'tween the knees. The less that is said about that the better. Katie's doesn't appear to be having a good time being the new, urban Tom Cruise's girl (TM).

(image via Davduf.net)In:This Newscorp Moment. Jesus Christ Newscorp is fuckingmonster huge. How huge? Twentieth Century Fox's Star Wars 3 is set to make $200 million in box office after only one week, and that's not including Memorial Day. Rumor has it the televisions in The West Wing are all set to Fox News. The Sun's (And the NYPost's) Saddam-in-his-knickers pictures were the staple of Chattering Class cocktail party conversation last week. And, according to Variety (link via Iwantmedia), Rupert Murdoch "was paid $17 million in 2004, up about 42% from the previous year. Son Lachlan also got a raise."

They deserve it, quite frankly, whether you are a fan or not, based purely on the numbers. First, Fox is number one, beating even Les Moonves' CBS in the key demographic. Now, last night, American Idol actually beat Lost, which to The Corsair, who is the biggest Lost fan in the world, is inconceivable. Inconceivable!

Out:Nicky Hilton. Being the smarter half of the Hilton sisters duo is ... still operating under a vast intellectual deficit. This interview with Fashionweekdaily at last night's Entourage party makes clear that being the smart Hilton is still a state of being that's unusually dim:

"Nicky Hilton, was in a sparkly black Calvin Klein dress. She proudly announced that she always has an entourage with her. 'They're all my friends though. They're not like, handlers or anything,' she clarified. 'But in Japan I have a huge entourage, bigger than Puffy's entourage. Japanese publicists, my handbag people, my sister. I can�?t understand them, because I don't speak Japanese.'"

"'(Nicky) Hilton told us that she is opening a store on Madison Avenue, with Samantha Thavasa, the company that produces her handbags. She also said she is wary of psychics. 'I feel like they're going to tell me scary things, so I don't go to them,' she explained with a shiver."

The Hilton's being allergic to knowledge of ny species.In: The event Formerly Called Live Aid II. Although we are not supposed to call it Live Aid II, we shall, at least until Sir Bob Geldof comes up with something with more sassy. Apparently even the Spice Girls are reforming for the event, though we are not quite sure what effect that will have on war torn Darfur.

Out: The Bolton Mess. Outstrategized by former Naval captain Senator John McCain, Majority Leader Darth Frist quixoticaltrackedt-traked Senate Confirmation on the Bolton nomination for UN Ambassador. The goodwill between Democrats and Republicans over the dismantling of the nuclear option promptly evaporated. According to TheHill:

"Senate Democrats are holding up John Bolton�?s nomination as U.S. ambassador to the United Nations to protest the Bush administration�?s refusal to answer their demands for sensitive information, threatening to erode the spirit of bipartisanship that has suffused the upper chamber in the wake of an agreement on judicial nominees.

"Democrats said as recently as Tuesday that they would not object to an up-or-down vote on Bolton�?s nomination. But the administration�?s continuing refusal to provide information related to congressional testimony Bolton intended to deliver on Syria and to his handling of intelligence intercepts, Democrats say, is the reason for their current stance.

"The administration has declined to share the information for six weeks, Democrats say."

Update: Something called The Salt Lake Tribune is oddly predicting John Bolton will be confirmed today. Fat chance.

Above: Haskell and Mark Wexler in "Tell Them Who You Are"

In: Tell Them Who You Are. Imagine a famous, perfectionistic cinematographer as a father. Now, imagine the son of said perfectionist becoming a cinematographer, aoutshininger outsining his famous father. Got it? In an interesting turn, the son has made a documentary of the history of this competition with his father. The Corsair hasn't seen the meta-documentary "Tell Them Who You Are," but this review in Indiewire makes a strong case for us all to check it out:

"Mark Wexler has made one of the most bizarrely entertaining, yet frustrating, documentaries of the year. The subject is his 82-year-old dad, Haskell Wexler, who besides directing 'Medium Cool,' was the cinematographer for Elia Kazan's'America, America,' Mike Nichol's 'Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?,' Milos Forman's'One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest,' and John Sayle's 'The Secret of Roan Inish' among many others.

"According to those in the field, Haskell the Senior is brilliant but contentious. Innovative but ball busting. Hire him as a cinematographer, and you get a man who really wants to direct your film.

"Well, Wexler the Junior interviews the folks who worked with his dad plus his compatriots including Peter Bart, Verna Bloom, Michael Douglas, Julia Roberts, George Lucas, and Albert Maysles, but instead of concentrating on a great cinematographer's craft, the documentary is about what a bad daddy Haskell was throughout the decades.

"Yes, this is a deliciously self-indulgent, at times witty, often moving 95-minute whine by a son who's damnedesthis damndest to get out from under his father's shadow, but who winds up instead getting over-shadowed once again."

Out: Pete Doherty. Does an Ex-junkie in a C-List band make for a "good catch"? Troubled supermodel Kate Moss allegedly thinks so. But according to ThisisLondon:

"The Babyshambles and former Libertines front man made a typically shambolic arrival at the awards, wearing a straw hat and with black marker pen scrawled over his face.

"He told of his fears that he is being kept under 24-hour surveillance.'I found a bug, a hidden camera, in my house,' he claimed. 'I don't want to talk about, it's being investigated.'

"Doherty - who claims he has been free of heroin for the past three months after having an implant fitted - added: 'I'm a bit paranoid.'"

"He turned up alone because Moss is working today. 'I'm bang in love with Kate,' he said. 'She's the one for me.'"

In: Giselle Bundchen. Granted, it is, of course, cliche to say, "Giselle Bundchen is yummy," QED. That having been said, the new photos of her in Hello!Magazine are truly fetching. Even for Giselle Bundchen, who never takes a bad photo, this is some hott stuff. Leonardo DiCaprio is clearly one lucky goddam bastard. C'est tout.

Out: Cindy Adams, Travel Whore. You thought the fetid, rotting corpse of her lapdog, Jazzy, would be enough to stifle Cindy Adams. But you would be wrong. Omigod, Cindy Adams is at it again, whoring -- at her age, for shame! -- for the travel industries of the latest dubious dictatorship in need of her "services." Even a 'ho's gotta eat, eh sister? On rickety knees and with trembling hands, Adams clutches at the phallus of the latest semi-tyranny du jour, tucking in with great gusto. In for a penny, in for a pound.

This time, destination: Peru, last time it was some louche Dubai hotel. God, Cindy's such an enthusiastic "trick."

Cindy Adams' acts of journalistic prostitution here veer between merely spitting out line-by-line the motherjazz distributed by Peru's tourism flacks, and her "original" contibution to the procedings, namely -- a Catskills sense of bravado, circa 1958 (Averted Gaze); here, have a taste of vintage Cindy:

"Mansions along the broad boulevards date to the colonial period when servants weren't just something employed by Prince Charles to squeeze his toothpaste.

"Now a guide tells you: 'We have either poor people or very rich. Our politicians, they are very rich.' However, unlike in our country, the lawyers, they are very poor. They're driving cabs. For some reason, there's no business like sue business in downtown Peru.'"

"In Los Angeles in the 1980s and early 90s, she was known as Patricia Medavoy, married to film producer/executive Mike Medavoy. When the marriage ended, or was ending, it was said that billionaire businessman, Ronald Perelman kept his private jet on the tarmac at LAX, ready and waiting for her."

Out: Diane Versus Katie. Thank heavens for Alexandra Jacobs of The Observer. The Corsair thought he was the only one sick and tired of this early morning news war. Who even watches that dreck? Jacobs writes in the salmon-colored weekly:

"The two women each share screen time with so many other broadcasters, bumping news items around like beach volleyballs, that they�re barely distinguishable as the well-paid anchors they are. Until one sits down for a solid block of morning shows, one might forget how inherently annoying the genre is�comforting in times of crisis, perhaps, but usually just a blaring intrusion on the purest and most possible of hours: the coffee mugs, the banal desk patter, the jolly 'ethnic' weatherpeople, the morons screaming behind ropes outside with hand-lettered placards.Still, the two leading ladies present a fascinating contrast. Katie is populist, Diane is patrician.

"Katie is pocket-sized, Diane something of a giantess. Katie is warm, Diane is cool�but a luminous cool, like the moon."

In: Jay Z's Bash. With Memorial Day coming up, New York's summer social season is gearing up and Jay-Z plans to be a player. According to fashionweekdaily:

"The Daily has learned that on Tuesday, June 7, Jay-Z will host an intimate (read: 200 person) bash at his 40/40 nightclub, celebrating the impending sellout of his limited edition Audemars Piguet watch-and-iPod combo. Created for charity and costing over $20,000, the watch celebrates Jay-Z�s 10 years in the music business, while the party celebrates the watch."

Out: P Diddy. Who's having the worst week ever and it's only Wednesday? P Diddy. He's being asked to "spread the wealth" in his continuing "baby mamma drama." After a week of catching the gasface from Nicole Kidman, and being asked to leave a club (Is this the same P Diddy who "owned" the years 2000-2003?). According to the AP:

"P. Diddy likes to brag about having the biggest yacht, the most expensive parties, the grandest houses and more. Now he's been ordered to pay what could be the biggest child-support order in New York state history, and he's not happy.

"Last month, the New York State Supreme Court's appellate division approved an increase from $5,000 to $21,782 US per month to P. Diddy's ex-girlfriend, Misa Hylton-Brim. Representatives of both P. Diddy and Hylton-Brim say it's the highest child-support payment in state history."

"Being ladies and all, we wouldn't wish to go into explicit detail about what exactly Ms Hilton was getting up to at the Soho club. Let's just say, the bouncers had to ask the hotel heiress to stop fiddling with her knickers and touching herself."

This is the 21st century! Let's be politically correct here! It's "fiddling with her African-Americans"! ... Oh, (The Corsair blushingly withdraws) "knickers," The Corsair thought she said ...

"Paris has been bleating on about missing her boyfriend, Greek shipping heir Paris Latsis. But she could have decided to miss him in the ladies, and not in full view!"

"'Paris went for dinner at The Wolsley and showed up at Kabaret after midnight with a bunch of pals,' says our source.

"'She was having a great time and clearly wanted to let off steam, but she went a bit too far.'"

Paris Hilton? No. You must be confused, reporter. Aquarians never go too far.

"'She was dancing on the sofas and on the table her mates were sitting at. Paris is a very sexy dancer and was lifting her dress up. But she kept putting her hands down her knickers.'"

The Corsair shoots a suspicious glance.

"'And let's just say she looked like she was enjoying her own company.'"

Oh, no they didn't.

"'It was in front of all the other clubbers, including Kid Rock and Maxi Jazz from Faithless. In the end, the bouncers had a word with her and told her to tone it down.

"'It was an extraordinary show. It's not the kind of behaviour you see in there... Apart from the time Calum Best and Lizzie Jagger got a bit too pally with each other by the doors.'

"Paris and her pals were certainly in high spirits - they put away almost �2,000 of booze at the club, including two bottles of vintage Dom Perignon and three bottles of vodka.

"Our spy adds, 'She was at the same table as last week when she was grinding up against model Sam Branson, the son of Virgin boss Richard. Paris didn't seem bothered that she was asked to stop touching herself up in public. She just carried on dancing.'"

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Above: Aquarian sick genius/Mad Scientist Frederico Fellini imagined Nero's Pagan Rome via an interdimensional science fiction. So fucking brilliant it hurts. Didn't make Time's 100 Films List (Averted Gaze)The Time Magazine 100 Film List was disappointing. Stale, even. Ulysses' Gaze was a pleasant surprise, though. All the usual suspects were included that one would expect any film professor to name. But there are some glaring omissions.

And while The Corsair loves Pulp Fiction, it is not one of the 100 best films. It is certainly one of the 100 most influential and important American films, just not the best. There is a difference between "importance" and "excellence." Again, Psycho is "important," but it is not a better film than Garden of the Finzi Contini's or Last year in Marienbad.

(image via Ocregister)In: The Band of Brothers. Hooray for nonpartisan centrists. These happy few, this band of brothers rescued America from the divisive partisan bitchery of hacks. Darth Frist and Emperor Rove must be stewing in their Sith juices. The Corsair is a proud centrist (The Corsair pours himself a tumbler of 12 year old Glenmourangie Madeira Wood finish), and this was a great moment for the American Republic. The courtly, traditionalist Senators like John Warner of Virginia and John McCain of Arizona won out. President John McCain? Hmm. We like the sound of that quite much. Overmuch. Sign me up! How can this blog help along this man's quest after the White House? Put us to use, Senator! Quoth the Old Gray Lady:

"Senator John McCain, the Arizona Republican who was a chief architect of the deal, said the negotiators had been motivated by a mutual desire to prevent lasting damage to the Senate from a rules change. Mr. McCain said the pact was hammered out in the 'finest traditions of the Senate.'

"'We have kept the Republic,' said Senator Robert C. Byrd, Democrat of West Virginia, who had fought the rules change as an abuse of Senate traditions."

Out: Tim Russert. We woke up hungover hoping for Sunday morning fireworks and got, well, unimpressive sparks instead. What the fuck? The Corsair is a big Russert fan, second only to the most excellent LX Robotnik in admiration of all things Russ, but Russert grilled Howard Dean medium-rare, and we were expecting something more akin to a scorching. What gives? According to Page Six (link via Wonkette):

"THAT the Beltway crowd is buzzing over Tim Russert'ssoftball interrogation of Howard Dean on 'Meet the Press' on Sunday. Said one observer: 'The Democrats were terrified of how Dean would do, but Russert ? famed for grilling people till they are fried ? basically tanked and asked no follow-up questions, leaving Dean relatively unscathed.'"

"Guests described the wedding as being laidback but less intimate than they thought it would be. One of the guests went so far as to say that Graydon was not terribly pleased with the number of guests?approximately 175?that attended. The invitees also noted that it rained only during the moments that they were safely tucked away in the church or underneath a tent. Post-wedding, the couple retreated to a tropical island?Antigua was named by some?for a honeymoon of undisclosed length.

"But much of the discussion in Manhattan after the Connecticut wedding was about the cancelled Vanity Fair party in Cannes. Turns out that, despite other published reports about Vanity Fair special events director Sara Marks being assigned to devote all her time and effort to the nuptials, those who know how Graydon operates insist that there was a never a question about the Vanity Fair Cannes Film Festival soiree and Graydon?s wedding crossing paths.

"'Graydon easily could?ve jetted into the party and jetted right back out,' the close source pointed out, adding that the two events would have been a week apart from each other. 'It?s not like he?s trimming the topiary himself. Besides, his special events team really has the formula for these parties down to a science. If he really wanted to host a party at Cannes again, it would?ve been done?with Sara [Marks].'"

Out: P Diddy. Why does P Diddy suck so badly? When he ran the marathon he was so cool. It's just not P Diddy's year. After crashing and burning on his "Vote or Die" campaign to get the youth vote out (The youth vote ultimately comprised of roughly the same proportion of the electorate as it did in 2000), Diddy kept under the radar for the tailend of 2004, only to resurface as a Diet Pepsi whore in a Superbowl commercial in 2005. To add insult to injury, according to the 3AM Girls, no one was interested in purchasing P Diddy during a (very politically incorrect) charity auction.

"Was Tom Cruise's appearance on Oprah yesterday really that strange? It was like any other hour spent with someone hell-bent on physically expressing their 'love': there is sweating, uncontrollable yelping, wrestling, the liberal abuse of furniture, the twisting of bodies into extremely uncomfortable positions, more wrestling, and moments of seeming forced imprisonment."

Out: Benicio del Toro, Elevator man. What the fuck is it with Benicio del Toro and elevators and starlets and award shows? According to that significant cultural artifact The National Enquirer:

"When Penelope Cruz and her mother became stuck in a stalled hotel elevator at the Cannes Film Festival, Benicio Del Toro rescued the damsels in distress. Trapped between two floors, Del Toro lifted both women through the trap door at the top of the elevator."

Of course, we cannot fail to mention the 3:30AM tryst that the accurately named 3AM Girls reported on at last year's Oscar madness between expert social climber Scarlett Johansson and "Benny the Bull":

"'Our spies caught the pair walking into the exclusive Chateau Marmont hotel on Sunset Boulevard at 3.30am with their arms wrapped around each other before getting into a lift to go somewhere a little more intimate.

"'They didn't care who saw them,' says our source. 'They walked through the hotel lobby where there were quite a few people hanging about and didn't seem at all embarrassed to be spotted with their arms all over each other."

The Corsair munches on salt-free popcorn and leans into his screen.

"'It was quite extraordinary. She looks so young and he could easily pass for her dad.

"'They then got into (an elevator) together. At that time in the morning they couldn't have been heading to the hotel pool, put it like that. They were clearly going to the rooms."

Monday, May 23, 2005

Deadlines! One last deadline-for-an-article day this month, guys (There have been few due to the summer magazine scheduling, we know). Anyway, be back duly hungover tomorrow. (Also a Correction: Page Six reports today that Peter Sarsgaard cheated on ex, the leggy Dita Von Teese with supermodel Shalom Harlow, not, as The Corsair incorrectly surmised, Helena Christensen. Our squad of well-paid factchecker will be horsewhipped. And, Helena, dear #2 in The Corsair's Top 10 women list ... call me?)

Saturday, May 21, 2005

60 Minutes: The Effects of the Sadaam Photos?

(Ed Note: This was a CBS News story not 60 Minutes as originally "reported." I regret the error. Sorry for the mixup --R)Above: Via CBS News: "Hamza Adnan, 8, Jinan Jassim, Ayah Faiz, 5, and Duha Munaf, 16, from left, watch Dubai-based satellite television station al-Arabiya as it broadcasts Friday's front page of The Sun."In the wake of the Newsweek Periscope fiasco, 60 Minutes covers the possible effects of The Sun's coverage of Sadaan Hussein in his "drawers." According to CBS News not 60 Minutes:

"A British tabloid published more surreptitious photographs of Saddam Hussein in U.S. custody along with two former members of his regime on Saturday, a day after it ran a front-page picture of the former Iraqi leader clad only in his underwear.

"The international Red Cross, which is responsible for monitoring prisoners of war and detainees, said the photographs violated Saddam's right to privacy. The U.S. military condemned the publication and ordered an investigation of how the pictures were leaked to The Sun.

"Saturday's pictures included one of Saddam seen through barbed wire wearing a traditional white Arab robe known as a dishdasha, and another of Ali Hassan al-Majid, better known as "Chemical Ali," in a dark robe and holding a towel. The Sun also ran photos of a man and a woman identified as al-Majid, who faces charges for his role in poison gas attacks against Iraq's Kurdish minority, and Huda Salih Mahdi Ammash, a researcher dubbed 'Mrs. Anthrax' for her alleged role in trying to develop bio-weapons for Saddam.

"'Inside Saddam's Prison,' is how The Sun headlined the latest pictures, reports CBS News Correspondent Larry Miller. The Sun says getting a shot of Saddam is like getting a shot of Hitler in his Berlin bunker. But Saddam's lawyers disagree and claim his rights were breached. They have threatened to sue the paper for a million dollars. The photos have not provoked much of an outcry in the Middle East but raised concerns about offending Arab sensibilities and doing further damage to the American image already tarnished by the prisoner abuse scandal at Abu Ghraib prison and a now retracted Newsweek report about the desecration of the Quran at the U.S. prison in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba."

Above: "Senator Frist: Evangelical Christianity is the pathway to many abilities some consider to be ... unnatural."Reporter: Is it possible to learn this power?"Frist: Not from a Democrat. (image via Washington Post)

We are obsessed with uberskanky Flavio Briatore. And we know "from skanky"! Okay .. we are duly jealous of Flavio's inexplicable "flavor." Why is this man "poppin"? He's Kryptonite to the Supermodels and -- dammit! -- we want to know why -- Why? Why! Why is this man so "fire"?! (The Corsair ruefully shakes an impotent fist at The Gods."

Anyhoo: Flavio, not content at being knocking-up Supermodel Heidi Klum and squiring punchy supermodel Naomi Cambell around the Mediterranean this Spring, is being a bad boy. How bad? So bad that the 3AM Girls call him out:

"FLAVIO Briatore is a braver man than most. The F1 millionaire risked incurring the wrath of supermodel girlfriend Naomi Campbell by flirting with a succession of babes at her birthday bash on Thursday night.

"A spy at the do, held at the swish VIP club in Cannes and sponsored by Evian, tells us: 'Naomi and Flavio arrived together but when dozens of people surrounded Naomi to wish her a happy birthday, he slipped away to try out his Italian charms.'

And when Naomi Campbell gets livid, occupancy figures at the local Emergency Room increase dramatically. In other news, $45,000 worth of clothes and jewelry to be auctioned off for Nelson Mandela's charity was stolen from the yacht. And Kate Moss' car was burglarized.

In: Howard Dean on Meet The Press (image via The Guardian). For the political geek (The Corsair reluctantly raises his hand),Meet the Press tomorrow at the ungodly hour of 10:30 is must-see teevee, for sure.Pop the Alka Seltzer and park thyself in front of the tube for what is sure to be a mighty hoedown. The hardest interviewer in DC, Tim Russert, gets his Buffalo BBQ chicken wing stained mitts on the exceedingly honest if somewhat erratic DNC Chairman, Howard Dean, in his first broadcast interview since achieving that office. Oh, it's on ... it's on like Gray Poupon!

Dean is infamous for "shooting from the lip," making him the perfect interview for the excellent Russert, whose cross-examination of hapless guests is like watching a high speed grinder go to work on a succulent ham. Bzzzzzt. And then, abruptly, the obstruction of bone. Krrrkt.

We are expecting some excruciatingly tense dramatics -- the obstruction of bone -- interspersed with hard, insincere political smiles, eyes that can shoot daggers and of course the, "Now, Tim," which roughly translated, would be: "fuck you very much."

Go: Tim.

Out: P Diddy (image via Exposed).The Corsair can say with blessed finality that P Diddy's cool factoris finally "out." No buzz. Gag him with a fork, 'cause he's done. His synergy is fin-ergy.That schlocking of "rims" was the penultimate coolness killer (Averted Gaze), a firm "8.7" on The Corsair's Ghett-ometer (TM). But the nail-in-the-coffin moment came the other night, when, according to the 3AM Girls:

"POOR P Diddy. There were no bidders when the rap mogul offered guests at a charity auction the chance to meet him and spend the day living his blingtastic life.

"'It should have gone for thousands but there was no interest,' says our insider."

RIP, Diddy Buzz, 2005

In: "Soap Opera Face." Never have so many cleft chins-in-the-form-of-a-newborne's-ass, and "surgically altered lips" been on display as at yesterday's Daytime Emmy's. Of that significant cultural development known as "Soap Opera Face," The Corsair has written:

"The Corsair -- mirabile dictu -- has made a study of the 'Soap Opera face.' It is the triumph of the plastic surgeon's Art. Observe 'The Bold and the Beautiful.' This celebration of pure facial excess serves our purposes adequately.

"The overcosmeticization of the soap opera faces on 'The Bold and the Beautiful' is naught else but insolent fuck. The 'jutting cheekbones' offend our puritanical sensibilities, and, in close quarters, can put someone's eyes out. The 'overpouty lips' can only be properly construed as sexually obscene. The industry standard 'cleft chin in the form of an infant's ass' (May I slap him?) fall limply under the category of: jejeune. Finally, the fixed-prehistoric raptor gaze is disturbing."

Out: Cloners. Every time some darn Star Wars prequel comes out (link via Drudgie poo), "43" gets truculent about the cloners. Apparently his peculiar brand of neoconservative idealism makes it hard for him to distinguish between reality and "make-believe." We won't entertain the possibility of any Star Wars politicking. (Exaggerated cough suggesting feigned detachment) Now, the President is threatening to cast the first veto (W hasn't vetoed once in either term of his Administration) .According to Reuters:

"President Bush threatened on Friday to veto legislation that would loosen restrictions on government funding of embryonic stem cell research and expressed concern about human cloning research in South Korea.

"In the House of Representatives, supporters of a bill sponsored by Republican Rep. Mike Castle of Delaware and Democratic Rep. Diane DeGette of Colorado that permits expanded embryonic research hope for a vote next week and believe it will be close.

" ... Bush, who has yet to veto a bill during his presidency, said the legislation would violate his principles.

"'I've made it very clear to the Congress that the use of federal money, taxpayers' money, to promote science which destroys life in order to save life -- I'm against that. And therefore if the bill does that, I will veto it,' Bush told reporters during a picture-taking session with Danish Prime Minister Anders Fogh Rasmussen."

No word on whether or not the Danish Prime Minister "averted his gaze."

In: The Preakness. According to The Old Gray Lady, the weather will be ducky for this one million dollar race. There is lots of speculation all over the web as to which horse will win. Lots of odds talking. One thing is for certain, however. Somewhere ... Karl Lagerfeld will be watching the race, lustily, fingering his ponytail and slurping on a Diet Coke, with his mouth watering.

Thursday, May 19, 2005

Dita Hearts MarilynGenerally, The Corsair has little to no interest in the career of "shocker" Marilyn Manson. He appears to have an effective hustle. Disguising his obvious lack of talent with a taboo faux-Satanic theatrics he has managed to put the fear of God into the heartland (And kindle a morbid fascination in the minds of awkward suburban teenagers) and, in the process, make a lucrative career for himself. Marilyn's fiance, the "leggy" Dita Von Tise, however, is another matter altogether. She gave an interesting interview recently.

Among other things we learn she had explosive sex with the "Goth" rocker, so much so that a hotel door was trashed. And we learn that Dita and Marilyn hooked up "just days after Dita discovered her previous boyfriend, Kinsey actor Peter Sarsgaard, was cheating on her with a famous supermodel, who she refuses to name." (Page Six now reports this is Amber Harlow, not, as we incorrectly surmised, our love goddess, Helena Christensen) According to TheSun:On the marriage proposal:

"'I had an inkling because he called me and wanted me to come home immediately. In the lead up I felt he was feeling me out to see if I'd say yes or no.

"'We have been together for over four years so there was never any questions that I wouldn't say yes.

"'Our wedding won't be on a sunny afternoon in a garden. It will be a night time wedding indoors and very romantic.

"'Obviously we're not getting married in a church. I won't be giving any stripping performances at the ceremony but maybe on my wedding night in the bedroom especially for Marilyn.'"

Thanks for sharing. They continue:

"Dita is quick to point out that people shouldn't believe all the anti-Christ hype about her lover. She said:

"'I want him to keep his mystery. What both of us portray on stage isn't very far from what we are.

"'It's not like we are the complete opposite and go home and take off our make-up and wear sweatpants and watch cartoons.

"'But we are not sacrificing small animals either.'"

Swell and lovely! More:

"The pair live in a 15 bedroom 1920s style house in the Hollywood Hills that belonged to The Maltese Falcon actress Mary Astor.

"Marilyn boasts a ghoulish collection of medical specimens including a jar filled with a foetus, which Dita insists is 'beautiful' rather than weird."

Above: The Radar-Denton Media Empire Frisson Continues Apace. Writes in Nick, always a good sport, via email, "Mort Zuckerman was right there. I doubt he was in on it. He looked, um, mortified." (image via Gothamist) The full story -- if you haven't already read it -- here.

Above: Lucha Libre! Caught in the appraising sweep of The Corsair's eyes.

In: Catfights. What is it about a catfight that is so visually arresting? A catfight appeals to all that is base in The Corsair. (The Corsair easily pours himself a glass of Ouzo, puts on a particularly mysterious piece by Francois Couperin) We know we should not like such things (The Corsair pours out some Ouzo for "the dead homiez"), but we are powerless to resist our nature. One cannot deny that there is a sort of "vicious attractiveness" to it all. From Thisislondon:

"Miss Pope, in faded denims and a low-cut top, was suddenly confronted by the two wannabes - one in white, one wearing pink.

"'They came up screaming their heads off,' said an onlooker. 'One said something like, I was talking to him, you f...... bitch. You think you are so pretty, you f...... celebrity.'

"Miss Pope was knocked off her stilettoes and ended up flat on her back, then Penny was bustled to the ground after trying to help her. One of the attackers was even heard to shout gleefully: 'I hit a celebrity - that'll teach her.'"

Out: "Jonathan Wald's Revenge." (Averted Gaze) Crackpot theories abound in Titanic situations, when an organization is in decline (Exaggerated cough suggesting feigned detachment). Blame it on the entropy. NBC is blaming their faltering ratings on some vast "transportation reporter" conspiracy.

We won't entertain the possibility that the sinking feeling may be due to the fact that Katie Couric is no longer "Miss American Pie." Seven figure salaries and colossal displays of diva will do that to a person. According to the Page Sixxies:

"BOTH Ken Auletta of The New Yorker and Meryl Gordon of New York magazine are working on stories about the vicious war between the morning news shows. Auletta is said to be getting more cooperation from the folks at NBC, who are on the defensive because of the recent firing of 'Today' executive producer Tom Touchet and the steady erosion of their ratings dominance.

"'Today' had a 6-million viewer lead a couple of years ago. Now they are down to a 70,000 margin," said one TV insider.

"... Meanwhile, fingers are pointing at the New York Times, which ran a piece by Alexandra Stanley last month trashing 'Today' host Katie Couric. 'Insiders at NBC News say it was a premeditated hit and have taken to referring to the piece as Jonathan Wald's Revenge, ' said one source. Wald ? the 'Today' executive producer forced out before Touchet was axed ? is the brother of Matthew Wald, the Times' energy and transportation reporter."

In: The Weinstein's. The business of building an second media empire from scratch is thirsty work. But them Weinstein brothers are at it again. According to The Old Gray Lady:

"The Weinstein brothers will be given an undisclosed sum of money to acquire low-budget films for distribution mainly on DVD and television, and their company will become the sole home-video distributor and overseas sales agent for Rainbow's IFC Films unit. Production credits for IFC Films include 'The Ballad of Jack and Rose.' It was the theatrical distributor of 'My Big Fat Greek Wedding' in 2002 and, with Lions Gate, 'Fahrenheit 9/11' last year.

"The Weinsteins will also handle home-video distribution of original programming by Rainbow's various cable networks, including the Independent Film Channel, American Movie Classics, WE: Women's Entertainment and the Fuse music-video network, a rival of MTV.

"The Rainbow networks will get first crack at the domestic broadcast premieres of films bought by the Weinstein-run fund."

Out:Liz Hurley, Box Office Jinx. Parallel to the Weinstein's we have (Averted Gaze) Elizabeth Hurley. Question: Has a Liz Hurley film ever made a studio a dime? Why is she famous? Why do we care? Why was she gifted a vanity production company? Liz Hurley has the charisma, charm and box office appeal of recycled cardboard. And she looks like butter wouldn't melt in her mouth besides! According to Ananova:

"Elizabeth Hurley has announced she is to star in a new film.

"She is to appear with Lucy Liu in the action comedy The Cleaner reports IOL.com.

"The announcement comes three weeks after she said she was quitting acting to spend more time with her son Damien.

In: Usher. "Ush" runs a tight game. Multidimensional, even. You don't want to get on the wrong side of Usher. According to popbitch:

"At last year's MTV Europe awards, host Xzibit was overheard casting doubts on Usher's sexuality. Then Usher met a girl at that very event, with whom he's recently been seen out and about. The girl? Eisha Brightwell, now ex-fiancee of Alvin Joyner aka Xzibit. Funny."

Out: E3.Alexandra of LA.Com said it best when she said, "At last night's Inside E3 party at Avalon, techno circus act Mutaytor entertained geeks with aerial acts while scantily clad models who looked like baked potatoes wrapped in tin foil roamed about."

Charmed, we're sure. More social evisceration from the cool cats at LA.Com

Above: Socialites Ashley Hilton and Kady Tremaine. The woozy, glowing red feral eyes are courtesy of the rich, full bodied Panamanian peasant blood upon which they feast.

In: The American Cancer Society. According to our favorite social chronicler (And, most recently, the smart and urbane host of a swishy shindig at the Maya Stendhal Gallery), David Patrick Columbia in NYSocialDiary:

"Bill Boggs was the master auctioneer. The objective was to raise money to launch the Society?s New York City Hope Lodge venture. Hope Lodge is a much-needed place for out-of-town cancer patients seeking treatment in New York City ? an adult version of the Ronald McDonald House (and completely free). Gold balloons sold for $50,000, silver for $25,000, pearl for $10,000 and red for $500 each. In fifteen quick minutes the auction raised a whopping $262,000 which will go toward the naming of a suite in honor of the spring gala 2005."