Mötley Crüe Goes ‘Triple R’: The Best Bits From The Hot Mess Film

IF there’s one thing you can say about Mötley Crüe, is that their band name is a total pain in the arse to type on a computer, if you want to do it correctly.

Of course, there’s more to Mötley Crüe than that – they’re a hilarious hot-mess too.

It goes without saying that not everyone likes their music. However, as court jesters of rock ‘n’ roll, you can’t help but feel pleased they’re around. Media training is something that passed them all by and, in their day, they were rich, badly behaved and thick as pigshit – everything you’d want from a celebrity.

Their story is, for a few, about the music, but for the rest of us, they’re a reality show of dumb squirts who tried to shag every woman in sight, take all the drugs and drink and get into a few fist fights now and then. Peacocks of the highest order, with ‘cock’ being the operative word.

Everything you need to know about the band, you can find in their infamous ‘Girls Girls Girls’ video.

There was a book written about Mötley Crüe called ‘The Dirt’, which isn’t wholly tasteful, but then, Mötley Crüe weren’t ever about taste. It’s a rollicking tale of debauchery, dodgy views and degradation and four successful outlaw douchebags on the run.

Helpfully for those of us too dumb and too lazy to actually sit down and read, there’s going to be a film of ‘The Dirt’, which Tommy Lee (no, he isn’t just that dude you’ve seen having sex with Pamela Anderson – he’s Mötley Crüe’s drummer) reckons will be ‘Rated R’.

Set for release in 2015, Lee said the film’s script read-through was “probably the most fucking insanely surrealistic experience I’ve ever sat through – probably two hours and change of literally watching people act and play through this two-hour plus movie of 30 years of your life. I was just like, ‘What the fuck?! That’s insane! This movie is insane!’ Even just the way the movie starts, you’re like, ‘How the hell are we gonna rate this thing? Triple R?'”.

And there’ll be a lot to cram in. They were supremely badly behaved in the 80s, but even in recent years, they’re still at it. Yes, it’s a bit sad, but by god, Mötley Crüe can’t ever be accused of faking it. They really are that dumb.

The actors who are cast for the film will join Mötley Crüe on tour to get a feel of what these bozos are like.

“I can just imagine some 25-year-old actor getting the part and being sent on the road to hang out and study us,” he commented. “Wow, what a trip! They’re gonna definitely come back a different animal.”

One of them will get to see and old man who has lost his voice, trying to punch his own fans. Marvellous.

The band are also finishing up a new song called ‘All Bad Things Must End’, destined for their imminent farewell tour of 70-odd dates across America. They’ve signed a ‘Cessation of Touring Agreement’ which states that there’s going to be no more gigs from the end of 2015.

They’ve never had too much fondness for rules though, so we expect to see them on the road again at some point in the future… hopefully with the spinning drumkit.