Confused About Anger Disorder And Delusional Jealousy Disorder

by Maria
(Australia S.A)

Can an anger disorder be associated with a delusional jealousy disorder but also occur at another time such as having a minor dispute? I'm very confused as I've had a very recent break up and my former partner was constantly accusing me of things I didn't do. He heard that I did these things from others.

He would go absolutely mental and become very aggressive, possessive, violent (never actually hit me though...yet) and controlling. It was very different behaviour to what I'm used to. The thing is that when this doesn't occur he is the most sweetest, most gentle, loving, caring and affectionate man. I had never met anyone that had lived up to those standards.

He made me feel like a princess, but everything would change when he had a delusion or got jealous. The thing is that I looked into delusional disorder jealousy type and all the signs were there. It made a lot of sense, although it mentioned that the aggressive, violent behaviour would only occur at the time of the delusion, which it did for a long time.

The last ever 'argument' we had was a minor dispute over a steak that I had mentioned needed cooking the next day. That turned into what I called a psychotic episode, where I didn't even know the person standing before me. That just wasn't him. He was very aggressive, violent and started damaging my property. So what I thought was delusional jealousy disorder turns out to be something else or maybe a combination, although prior to this, a minor dispute was a minor dispute but this was beyond acceptable and wasn't tied in with any delusions. I'm very confused.

Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello Maria, and thank you for telling your story on this site. I can tell you care deeply for your partner, and you obviously want to understand what is going on.

The reason you are confused is that you are trying to diagnose your partner instead of trying to figure out what you need to do to protect yourself. How you (or anyone) diagnoses your partner will not do you any good.

What you need to focus on is this:

1) While your partner is I'm sure a good man, he's also dangerous. This type of reaction and behavior is highly unstable and unpredictable.

2) When you say, regarding his episodes, that "it's not him," while I know what you mean, that is not accurate. Unfortunately, the jealousy, delusions and violent behavior are all a part of who he is.

3) You must protect yourself. This man needs intensive, long-term psychotherapy to recover from his disorder enough to be safe for an intimate relationship.

I strongly suggest you stop seeing or communicating with this person. The "good behavior" is very seductive, and it will pull you in every time. Then...it's only a matter of time before the next violent outburst.

You said, "never actually hit me though...yet." You see, you already know it's coming, or you would not have added "yet."

If you don't take care of yourself, no one else can or will. You need to get your focus off of him, what may or may not be wrong with him, and focus on your own safety and well being.

I wish you all the best as you begin putting your safety first in this and all relationships.