Brace yourself, fellow commuters, as this is horrible news. Now, to add to our various rational or irrational New York City fears, we have the fear of wearing open-toed shoes while sitting on a bench on a subway platform, because a rat might be hiding underneath it and notice us there and pop out and bite us on the foot. Seriously.

You know we are suckers for adorable animals in trouble, and, as such, we could not help thinking about the adorable animals at the zoo as we were wondering whether or not we actually have to make a go-bag, and, for that matter, where would we go? The good news: The animals at the zoo, including the brand new cavy (what's a cavy? Find out here) will be O.K.! The zoo people are on it! Jim Breheny, WCS Senior Vice President of Living Institutions and Director of the Bronx Zoo, said in a statement, "The Wildlife Conservation Society has been preparing this week for Hurricane Irene. WCS operates the Bronx Zoo, Central Park Zoo, Prospect Park Zoo, Queens Zoo, and the New York Aquarium. We are working to secure all of our parks and are taking appropriate steps to ensure the safety of our animals, staff and guests. Our inventories are fully stocked, and we have sufficient supplies to last through the anticipated storm. We will update the media and the public about potential closures of the zoos and aquarium."

Apparently, August is the month of the rat. Last week, Rosie Gray explored rat bites, which, it appears, are down this year, and on Monday, Jen Doll shared a new fan trailer for the rats of Tompkins Square Park. Last year, we established that rats are indeed New Yorkers' least favorite pests. Well, at least most New Yorkers. There are, in fact, those among us who actually advocate for rats. For example, the self-proclaimed "Advocate for Rodent Rights" Sister Mary Therese, also known as the Tompkins Square Park Rat Lady. A profile of her, um, nontraditional relationship with the rattus norvegicus (thank Google) after the jump.

The U.S. has experienced its very first death by vampire bat bite. But far from being a moment to celebrate, this is a moment to worry about. (R.I.P., man in Louisiana who died of a vampire bat bite that gave him rabies -- that sounds terrible.) So, what does this mean for the rest of us? As The Week asks, is this "a growing trend?" How much should you worry about this happening to you? Let us investigate, unscientifically.

Because it is adorable (and terrifying!), here is video of a very small dog chasing off two big bad robbers from a smoke shop in Altadena, California. The men got money, but not as much as they might have! The last few seconds of video are priceless. Neither the store owner nor the dog were injured; cops are looking for the dudes scared of the dog. Lesson: Never fuck with a smoke-shop Chihuahua. (More about Paco, via GMA, here.)
[The Awl]

It's that time of the year, when something gross washes up in the polluted waters of New York City and no one really knows what to call it, so we collectively dub it a "monster." This time, it's actually an Atlantic sturgeon, measuring "six- to seven-feet long and about two feet wide," as reported by NY1, which was found on the Manhattan side of the Brooklyn Bridge over the weekend. "People who gathered around the sturgeon near Pier 17 did not know what to make of it," apparently. It looks prehistoric, but also disgusting. And it was "super, super heavy," which makes us think...alien.

The guy who put a rat in his mouth on the subway is back! A Redditor's mom spotted him in Times Square working the freak-show circuit and spoke with him for a little bit. Apparently the "rat king" has been raising Draco, Henry, and Lucky from their birth. He even calls them his "babies." According to the video's description, "They are colored with food dye and have all of their necessary shots!" The pink one's our favorite.