Real lives: "IVF was the only road left to travel"

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Caroline and her husband Andrew are the proud parents of 11-month-old Adelaide. But the road to parenthood hasn't been smooth. For a long time, unexplained fertility problems blighted their attempts to have a baby. Caroline, 38, explains:

"When Andrew and I married we both wanted children, so our plan was to stop using contraception and let nature take its course. One year later I still wasn't pregnant, so we visited our doctor. I was given blood tests to see if I was ovulating, but the results were inconclusive.

Early investigations

As I was menstruating normally, it was assumed that I probably was ovulating. But as the doctors were unsure, I was prescribed clomid. This is a drug used to stimulate ovulation. Clomid should only be taken for six months, because longer term use may be connected to an increased risk of ovarian cancer.

Six months later and there was still no progress, so more tests followed. We were under an excellent NHS consultant, who performed a laparoscopy, which is an investigation of the fallopian tubes to check for blockages. I also had an X-ray, which involved flushing liquid through the uterus (womb) and fallopian tubes to reveal any abnormalities (hysterosalpingograph).

These procedures were quite painful, but there were still no explanations as to why I wasn't conceiving. In some ways, I would have preferred to have had a specific problem which we could have had treated or at least understood.

We then had three attempts at intrauterine insemination (IUI), where my husband's sperm was injected straight into my uterus. For this, I had to have hormone injections to boost my chances of conceiving and scans during each cycle. We wouldn't be offered stimulated IUI now, as what's recommended in the guidelines has changed since then.

IVF treatment

But these treatments brought us no closer to pregnancy. We were advised that in vitro fertilisation (IVF) was the only road left to travel. This really was the last resort in terms of fertility treatment. We realised that, if IVF failed, we may need to consider adoption.

While all this was going on, we set up a local support group with the help of our consultant, which still meets once a month. The meetings are relaxed and informal. They bring together people who have been through similar experiences and can understand how difficult it can be.

Throughout all the treatments, we remained, on the whole, quite positive. I was never extremely broody, but Andrew and I both knew that we wanted a baby. We were offered counselling but going to the support group meant we didn't need this. We kept our treatment very quiet, only telling family and close friends.

Having treatment for infertility makes your life an emotional rollercoaster, but it seems to have brought Andrew and I closer together. It is a pressure financially, though. The cost is around £5,000 per cycle just for the IVF, and the price goes up depending on how many drugs you need and the type of treatment used.

In all, it has cost us about £22,000 just to be able physically to have a baby. Although IVF only has about a 20 per cent success rate for a woman of my age, we would have kept trying, despite the expense.

The first time we had IVF, I believed it couldn't fail. When it did, we felt more than disappointed, we felt bereaved. It was as if we'd lost our chance to have a baby. Between the second and third attempts, I became pregnant naturally, but I lost this baby at five weeks. While it was very hard, it gave me hope that I could get pregnant.

For the last treatment, we had "cycle buddies". These were three other couples who underwent treatment at the same time. They all became pregnant and I didn't, which was unbearable. But they all felt bad about it too, and continued to be very supportive.

Finally, we decided to use the embryos that had been retrieved and frozen some four months ago during our last IVF attempt. Once the eggs were defrosted the best ones were chosen. We knew that our chances of success were lowered by about 10 per cent when using frozen embryos.

The only difference I can think of this time was that the eggs had already been retrieved, so I didn't have a general anaesthetic. Egg retrieval is not comfortable if done under local anaesthetic, despite sedation, so I've had general anaesthetics. But replacing the eggs into the uterus is not painful. The eggs were ready for me, so it was much less stressful.

Success at last

I became very emotional the day before I was due to have the pregnancy test, convinced it hadn't worked yet again. I went upstairs to do the test and the line turned pink. I couldn't believe it. Andrew rushed upstairs, checked the test details, and the big smile on his face was unbelievable.

Once pregnant, I thought I'd be treated with kid gloves, but I was left to get on with my antenatal care. It was a bit of a shock to be on the normal pregnancy bandwagon after I'd been looked after so well! And of course you do worry about losing the baby when it has been so difficult to conceive.

I had a threatened miscarriage at around nine weeks and then had to have three progesterone injections a day for 15 weeks. Luckily my husband, who is a farmer, was happy to administer these, in my bottom! But it was all worth it, because you'll put up with anything to have a much-wanted baby.

I don't have many off days with Adelaide, especially as I know that some parents, especially if they've got multiples, find themselves tearing their hair out. Of course I do feel a little down occasionally. It's easy to think that you're not allowed to be down, having finally got what you so desperately wanted.

Given that our chance of success with a frozen embryo was lower, we were very lucky that it worked for us. It makes Adelaide even more special."

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