All's Well That Ends Well

Countess. Come on, sir; I shall now put you to the height of
825your breeding.

Clown. I will show myself highly fed and lowly taught: I
know my business is but to the court.

Countess. To the court! why, what place make you special,
when you put off that with such contempt? But to the court!
830

Clown. Truly, madam, if God have lent a man any manners, he
may easily put it off at court: he that cannot make
a leg, put off's cap, kiss his hand and say nothing,
has neither leg, hands, lip, nor cap; and indeed
such a fellow, to say precisely, were not for the
835court; but for me, I have an answer will serve all
men.

Clown. As fit as ten groats is for the hand of an attorney,
as your French crown for your taffeta punk, as Tib's
845rush for Tom's forefinger, as a pancake for Shrove
Tuesday, a morris for May-day, as the nail to his
hole, the cuckold to his horn, as a scolding queen
to a wrangling knave, as the nun's lip to the
friar's mouth, nay, as the pudding to his skin.
850

Countess. Have you, I say, an answer of such fitness for all
questions?

Clown. From below your duke to beneath your constable, it
will fit any question.

Countess. It must be an answer of most monstrous size that
855must fit all demands.

Clown. But a trifle neither, in good faith, if the learned
should speak truth of it: here it is, and all that
belongs to't. Ask me if I am a courtier: it shall
do you no harm to learn.
860

Countess. To be young again, if we could: I will be a fool in
question, hoping to be the wiser by your answer. I
pray you, sir, are you a courtier?

Countess. Do you cry, 'O Lord, sir!' at your whipping, and
'spare not me?' Indeed your 'O Lord, sir!' is very
sequent to your whipping: you would answer very well
to a whipping, if you were but bound to't.
875

Clown. I ne'er had worse luck in my life in my 'O Lord,
sir!' I see things may serve long, but not serve ever.

Countess. I play the noble housewife with the time
To entertain't so merrily with a fool.