Perzel Promoted To Master Milker

(MOUNT JOY) – Three months after starting a job as a cow-milker on a farm in rural Lancaster County, state Representative John Perzel (R-Philadelphia) has landed a key promotion.

Placid Meadows Farm outside Mount Joy has named Perzel a “master milker,” a move that will result in a raise from his starting farm union pay of $55,000.

“The amount of milk he’s able to glean from each cow is simply amazing,” said farmer Eli Stoltzfus, Perzel’s boss. “And his teat technique is exemplary. When it comes to that motion, he’s a real natural, for some reason.”

The former House speaker decided to moonlight as a cow-milker in order to supplement what he calls the “meager” salary he receives as a lawmaker. Compensation for his farm job is expected to reach a salary of just over $61,500 this year, along with per diems worth another $5,750.

As Perzel pointed out during the legislative pay raise debate of 2005, cow-milkers are paid generously in Lancaster County, coming in behind only taxi drivers and sewage sludge technicians. Doctors and lawyers round out the top five.