Real Talk Vol. 5: College Parties

by mayashaw

This Real Talk segment is true to my soul and fresh in my mind, I just went to a party last night so here it is guys… here it is!

Although I don’t talk like a “Bro”, never blacked out from drinking before and I’m not Anna Wintor (although yellow is my favorite color!) I party. Not like all the time like Eddie Murphy’s girl but, I’m a college kid so I know how to throw down. College parties all ways start off awkward: You arrive late (duh) with a friend who seems to know 10% more of the people then you do, you awkwardly go over to host of the party and ask in the least “thirsty” way where the booze is, you get said booze and you chug first cup, you’re feeling good like “yeah, I’m going to make new friends and not finish that Dada Movement design project!”, you and friend float around and chat with other classmates/friends/strangers/”he doesn’t even go here!!”, your happy feelings a wearing off and it’s time for 4 beers, nock those out and now you’re really ready to party!

I’m going to stop the party right there because I’m sure what comes next: a lot of tears, back rubs, “I LOVE YOU”s, hot guys (that are not hot, take off the beer goggles!), people getting sick and water.

Last night before said party I attended I ate a feast of 2 BBQ sandwiches, 2 Ribs, cole slaw, a cup cake and lots of water and with that said no amount of alcohol in the world could get me drunk. I believe that one never wants to get drunk where you are sloppy, sticky and your clothes are falling off… that is not cute! Find a happy place and STOP! When you find said happy place where you can dance without feeling judged, talk to that guy without flirting, and let everyone touch your afro even though you hate that shit in real life (grrrr, why am I such a nice drinker?!) just stop. Get yourself a big ass cup of cold water and sip it for the rest of the night. By sipping it you are creating an illusion that you are still drinking and everyone around you in the party will feel comfortable knowing that you are still having a good time. The benefits of doing this are: no hangover, peeing the alcohol out of your system, reaching your daily water intake, and not feeling gross when it’s time to PTFO. The downside is that you have to be the mom for everyone. You have to pull hair out of one’s face, make sure one doesn’t slip on the dance floor, make sure the other doesn’t call that guy knowing you’ll have to hear about her regret in the A.M. and make sure that those two guys you have never met in your life do NOT fight, the last thing that is needed is police.

My benefits where these things and being able to drive myself home when my ride wasn’t so sober. That was a blessing. Drinking and driving is NEVER okay and I was a bit worried myself even after my water based detox… but, I succeeded and made it home safe and sound at 4 am with 3 hours to go to sleep and wake up for my last day of work.

Here is my point. You don’t need to be black out drunk, poop faced to have a good time at a college party. If you pace yourself and then clear yourself of your toxins afterwards you will wake up feeling good and ready to go to class/work. It’s all about enjoying the drinking process and not rushing to get the results because when you rush with alcohol you are just waiting for it to rush back out of you (so gross!).