President Trump on Monday declared himself an "absolute no" on the question of statehood for Puerto Rico as long as critics such as San Juan's mayor remain in office, the latest broadside in his feud with members of the U.S. territory's leadership.

To borrow from the late, great Alice Roosevelt, at every christening, Trump wishes to be the baby, at every wedding, he wishes to be the bride, and at every funeral, he wishes to be the corpse.

Though at least the person Alice Roosevelt said that line about, was a legitimately cool person deserving of laud, honor, and praise, unlike Trump who isn’t worthy to clean the skidmarks off the guy’s underwear.