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a married woman's journey into D/s

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Rant – Lost

If I hold it together for the next six hours it will be amazing.

They are taking jobs away from me because the boss is too busy. I don’t know how that makes any fucking sense. He thinks he can give me some of his stuff but he can’t or he won’t. If it’s something new he has to be present to teach me. I can’t rely on him to ask questions on the shit i’m handling now. He takes on too much, has no focus and won’t stay medicated to improve that, he changes his mind more than a woman. I cannot make decisions where I have the ability because I know half way through he will change them. He’s a very nice guy. Way too nice. He will let me sit here and do nothing when he should be directing me. I can be self-sufficient but when shit i do doesn’t matter or gets changed later because they don’t align with his priorities I’m not going to fucking bother.&nbsp

This new system will mean what I DO get to do is tell everyone I can no longer help them and they have to call someone else. NOT FUN!!! Of course offsite support can’t turn the fucking DVD player on so I guess that will still be my job.

I need a fucking leader but those are the men I’ve shied away from. Sweet, nice, non-confrontational and agree with me. I realize now that just leaves me lost and confused. Unsure if what Im supposed to be doing. Left to my own accord and when Im lost I lash out.

It’s just crashing around me today and my ability to hold back tears has been stripped from me and it pisses me off.

When I CAN’T keep it together is when I NEED you to the most!!!

I really want to punch someone but honestly I’m not capable of that. Maybe I will lock myself in a room with a puppy.

I know this sounds absolutely crazy… Or maybe not… But I used to keep a wooden brush and spoon in my purse. If you have a private bathroom, go turn on the water full blast ….. Maybe even turn up Pandora on your phone…. And self relieve 😄😊