Samsung’s ‘Premium Suite’ Dumbs Down the Smartphone

Samsung is dumbing down the Galaxy S III with its forthcoming Premium Suite software update, making the phone so easy to use that even the terminally stupid can enjoy the marvels of a smartphone.

The so-called Easy Mode, currently available on the massive Galaxy Note II, will make the S III’s user interface so easy to use that “first-time smartphone users and/or those who are really really, well, lazy” can use it, the company said in a blog post. It is one of 14 updates coming to the company’s flagship phone in the Premium Suite software update. Samsung detailed seven features last week and announced the others today.

Smartphone n00bs and lazy people will relish the addition of the homescreen widgets, across fewer homescreens than the regular UI, with shortcuts to frequently used items like weather, battery life, contacts, e-mail and connectivity. Another helpful new trick, Sound Balance, will let you pan the audio left or right when using headphones, a feature that should help people who are hard of hearing in one ear.

For the first time, accessibility features for the hearing and visually impaired will be accessible through the S III’s setup wizard. Another feature, called Camera Easy Snap, for example, features narration to helps the visually impaired compose and snap pictures.

Speaking of photos, the update features a new low light camera shooting mode and Best Face, which allows user to take five consecutive photos with multiple people in the shot, then create a composite with everyone’s best look. No more pics where someone is blinking. Another feature, Paper Artist, adds a collection of pop art-inspired filters to your photos.

While Samsung has given up the details on the 14 new features, it hasn’t said when the update will land.

It did say, however, that it will have lots of cool stuff at Consumer Electronics Show next month. We’ll have to take Samsung’s word for it, though, because of course it didn’t offer even a single detail in the 18-second video posted on its Samsung Tomorrow. The company promises, “Innovation, ideas, design, technology, dreams, wonder, the future. Something new. Get ready.”