Keanu Reeves has signed on to star in Gabriele Muccino's Passengers, a date-rape love story with a sci-fi bent. Set in the future, Reeves is a member of a crew on board a spacecraft making a 100-year trip to a new planet via cryogenic sleep. 10 years into their journey, he is woken up and doomed to spend the rest of his life on the craft. So what does he do? Well, when fapping gets old he commits the ultimate dick move and wakes up the hottest chick with the hope that she'll want to join the 200,000 Mile High Club with him. But will she want to knock moon-boots once she finds out it was he who woke her? Not if she doesn't find out.We got our hands on an exclusive script excerpt. Check it out:

Mace Windu does not participate in jazz hands.Not content with his many accomplishments in the worlds of film and technology, George Lucas has his eyes on a new prize: to sieze the Sh*ttiest Musical Crown from the producers of Nine. Lucas is reportedly producing a top-secret computer-generated musical about fairies.Yeah. Fairies.Nothing is known about the probably-queeeeer plot except that David Berenbaum (Elf, Spiderwick Chronicles) will be writing, with Kevin Munroe (TMNT) overseeing the direction to ensure the results are totally SPEC-TAC-U-LAR. Lucas could not be reached for comment because a cat is still digesting in his neck-sack. (THR)

Admit it. There are times in the back of your mind when you want the good guy to lose. It's nothing to be ashamed of. Sometimes the star is a just a gigantic wuss who deserves total failure. Here are some that we believe are worth mentioning. 16. Special Agent Starling vs. Hannibal Lecter Eat people, listen to classical music, break out of prison. Repeat. And he killed the principal from Boston Public (everybody wanted to do it; he got there first). Special Agent Starling just ran around and tried to get people out of basement dungeons. Nice work, but there&rsquo;s no money in it. Plus, I tried Chianti with fava beans. It&rsquo;s pretty kick ass. 15. Llewelyn Moss vs. Anton ChigurhTry this just once for a job interview. Before you&rsquo;re called into the office, just fire blast off the doorknob with a CO2 tank. Walk in slowly.

Conan is back at NBC. Kinda sorta. Less than a week after his last appearance as host of The Tonight Show, the network has picked up a pilot from his Conaco production company. The show, previously known as Justice, is an hour-long drama that revolves around a Supreme Court Justice who leaves Capitol Hill to start his own law practice. There's no word whether or not a big-chinned rival judge was the reason the protagonist jumped ship.I'm holding out hope that this goes to series and Masturbating Bear guest stars in an episode that centers around a public indecency case. That's the least you can do for us, NBC. (Variety)

File this one under: What Took So Long?RadarOnline.com has discovered that nude photos of Jersey Shore's JWoww are being shopped around to media outlets. The photos show JWoww (aka Jenni Farley), and those silicon bulbs attached to her chest, posing topless with a small wrap around her bottom. The photographer made the strange choice of shooting the pictures with moody lighting against a brownish backdrop. I'd have assumed that the pics would be taken in front of an Italian flag or that rustic wallpaper they have up at Olive Garden. Guess she's saving that for her Hustler spread. (RadarOnline)

It's a regular 'ol third dimensional bonanza, and Warner Bros. is hot to trot! 3D conversion tests on Clash of the Titans have made studio execs go pee-pee in their pants, so not only are they going forth with a conversion of the entire film, but they're also turning both parts of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows into eye-puncturing 3D.3D conversion expenses have lowered in price, now ONLY $5 MILLION, so the films won't cost more than a small Malibu bungalow to convert. The studios will also absorb an additional $5 million to provide theaters with the awesome glasses that constanstly slip down your face while you're trying to watch the g.d. movie. Maybe they can throw another $2 mill in there to add some nose pads.Warners will push the release of Clash of the Titans one week to April 2 in order to fine tune the depth of Liam Neeson's kracken. (THR)

In December, we had a look at the trailer for Knight & Day, the punny-titled action-comedy starring Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz. Yesterday, photographers in Long Beach, CA snapped some set photos so apparently the film is not yet in the can. Filming should be finished soon though considering it opens in theaters July 2nd.I'm not entirely sure which scene they were working on yesterday but from judging the photos, I can extrapolate what went down…(Faded Youth via Cinema Blend)

Kristen Bell is almost thirty years-old and could still pass for a teenager. I don't know what kind of salves, or balms, or lotions she's rubbing on her skin, but I would gladly apply it for her. If she can tolerate Russell Brand, surely I won't be a problem. A word from Kristen: "I have the mouth of a sailor."And the face of an angel. I mean…your body is f*ckin' slammin'! Could you understand that better, little Miss. Potty Mouth? Sailors and seamen alike can salute more pics after the jump.

After acquiring the rights to Mortal Kombat this past summer, Warner Bros. is moving ahead with a new film version of the once popular video game. The game tells the story of an ultra-violent fighting tournament, the outcome of which decides Earth's fate. 2009 blacklist screenwriter Oren Uziel is in talks to flush away his new-found credibility by penning the script. Not to be a cynic but this seems like a tough one to inject with any real character or emotion. Let's not forget that this is a series built upon ninjas raining from the sky, punching monsters in the nads, pulling out spines, and cybernetic arms. All qualities that make for a great Japanese film, but over here they just lack nuance. (Bloody Disgusting)

Gladden Entertainment is looking to milk the cash-corpse that is Weekend at Bernie's. In addition to their announced Mannequin remake, the company is also looking to dig up and drag the famous cadaver around the Hamptons for another go-round. Between that and Short Circuit and Gremlins, the 80's are back and nothing is sacred. Fingers crossed we don't see Dax Shepard in a Raising Arizona remake anytime soon. The new Weekend at Bernie's is said to be a remake of the original with no cast or crew yet in place, and it may seem like an unnecessary do-over at first. However, I can totally see where they're coming from. The original Weekend At Bernie's left us with a lot of unanswered questions and now that film technology has finally caught up to the premise, perhaps we'll finally see an accurate depiction of a dead guy getting hit in the nuts by a buoy while waterskiing. (Moviehole)

All these prisoners are gathered together in the yard and NO ONE gets shanked? They need to concentrate less on prancing around like little sissies and more on racial hatred and population control. They're giving convicts a bad name.Moonwalk all over these links.25 Cat Fails (HolyTaco)Worst Phantom Soccer Goal Video Ever (TotalProSports)Your Remote Control Hummer is SWEET, Dude (TheChive)Where's the 'Do the Right Thing' Cast Now? (Moviefone)Maxim.com's Hottest Brunettes (Maxim)Lionsgate Buys Ryan Reynolds Torture Porn (FilmDrunk)The Jumbo Animatronic Dog Shakes (SuperTremendous)5 Coping Strategies to Deal with the Break-Up of Brangelina (Pajiba)Miley Cyrus Sells Her Dog (CelebJihad)10 Optical Illusions That Mess Your Brain Up (Unreality)Spider-Man in Rubber (Asylum)Chuck Norris is in the Habit of Kicking Ass (RegretfulMorning)Harley Davidson's Newest Dark Custom (MadeMan)Sample Questions from NASCAR Driver's License Test (AllLeftTurns)Snow. Girls. Catfight. (NothingToxic)Nick Kroll Has Hooks for Hands (Atom)

"Weird Al" Yankovic has signed a production deal with Cartoon Network to broadcast anything he wants on the channel. First up will be a live-action feature film that will NOT star the parodist. According to "Weird", the network asked that the project star a young protagonist. That's a shame. Where will they ever find a youngster with the charm and good looks of "Weird Al" Yankovic? Besides McLovin, of course. I just hope Wheel of Fish is on the primetime schedule. (Al's Blog via Coming Soon)

Worst Strip Club Commercial Ever – Watch more Funny VideosThe free lunch buffet doesn't make up for this horribly produced local commercial. If you want to sell the goods of a strip club may I suggest showing more of the girls sans a skeezy guy with a ponytail. Or at least give me some shots of the mac 'n cheese bubbling atop a Sterno flame. Mmmm, look at all that Hep C.

This baby casts itself.Is Zach Galligan's phone about to ring for the first time in a decade (wrong numbers don't count)? Possibly. There's a flimsy rumor floating around the 'Netz that Warner Bros. is gearing up to make a third Gremlins film. Or maybe a remake. And maybe in 3D. Like I said, flimsy.What we do know is that remakes are hot right now and that Gremlins director Joe Dante is getting some positive buzz for his upcoming film The Hole. Though Dante has said in the past that he doubts he'll be welcomed back for another Gremlins film after the cartoonish direction he took with Gremlins 2: The New Batch. Does that mean we'll see a grittier Gremlins? Instead of water, will they reproduce when splashed with the blood of the innocent? Will Gizmo now be voiced by Christian Bale?? Actually, I kind of like that. Someone get Robert Rodriguez on this! (Market Saw)

Mel Gibson is to revenge movies what Jenna Jameson is to porn. The man has spent half of his career playing characters hell-bent on getting payback. To drive the point home, one of his movies is actually called Payback. In his latest film, Edge of Darkness, Gibson continues to indulge his sadistic revenge fetish. Based on the British T.V. series of the same name, the film follows a cop hunting down the men who killed his daughter. After all, for a revenge film to work the protagonist has to experience a great tragedy. And when it comes to tragedy, the loss of a child is at the top of the list. With that in mind, we thought we&rsquo;d take a look at the greatest parental revenge films of all time. Mad Max (1979)

Looks like Russell Brand has a new excuse to go flirt with the crones on The View. He'll be loaning his British accent to the upcoming live-action/CGI hybrid flipper-baby I Hop, from director Tim Hill of Garfield and Chipmunks infamy. In the film, Brand voices the Easter Bunny who is accidentally injured by James Marsden's Fred, an out-of-work slacker. Fred must then take in the Bunny until he recovers. At first it's rough going but in the end they both learn some important life lessons. Awwwww. I smell a sitcom! Or something far, far worse!!! Everyone check your shoes. (THR)

The luck of the English continues. Not only do they have relaxed attitudes, non-questionable beef, and a perfect balance of fluoride in their drinking water, but now David Cross's UK comedy pilot is going to series on their Channel 4. The Increasingly Poor Decisions of Todd Margaret stars Cross as a schlub mistaken for an alpha-male who is shipped overseas by an egomaniacal boss in order to sell a sketchy energy drink. Will Arnett will play the boss in the six episode run. Other castmembers are Russell Tovey and Sharon Horgan. We may be in luck stateside as well. Not only will our steaks not kill the neurons in our brains, but /Film reports that negotiations are underway to bring the show to the U.S.. We've posted the hilarious intro from the pilot before but please revisit the LOLs after the jump… (via /Film)

Alan Horn, the President of WB Studios, crushed dreams the other day by announcing in a Variety article that Part 1 of The Hobbit most likely won't be released until late 2012, a full year later than expected:Once the script for the second film is in — Jackson and his longtime collaborators Fran Walsh and Philippa Boyens are working on it with Del Toro — New Line will work up a budget for both films and start casting. New Line exec Michael Disco, who was once Emmerich's assistant, will oversee for the studio.Horn won't predict when the first of the two "Hobbit" films will be out, but says the most probable scenario would be a release in the fourth quarter of 2012.In my mind, the most important thing to take from the above quotes is that a man named Michael DISCO is overseeing for the studio. I refuse to accept that as a surname unless you're a C-list porn star. Either this is going to be the grooooviest adaptation of a J.R.R. Tolkien novel ever, or Bilbo's going to pull of a money shot that will make Peter North blush.

It wasn't the paralysis that pushed him to the edge, but Tommy's stilted dialogue. Here are your weekend links.25 Clever Exam Answers (HolyTaco)Hockey's 10 Most Creative Shootout Goals (TotalProSports)These Facebook Girls Must Have Lower Back Issues (TheChive)Guess Those Video Game Panties (Maxim)The Creepiest Old Ladies in Movies (MovieFone)Brendan Fraser's Dork Laugh: The Remix (FilmDrunk)20 People Whose Parents Don't Love Them (SuperTremendous)Should You Give Up Cable TV? (Pajiba)Taylor Momsen Dresses Like a Cheap Call Girl (CelebJihad)10 Misuses of the Laugh Track (Unreality)ALF is Now on Twitter (Asylum)This Cat Says, "Om nom nom" When It Eats (RegretfulMorning)The Psychology of 4 Guy Movies (MadeMan)Driver Sues NASCAR for Being Called Klansman (AllLeftTurns)Soccer Fan Gets His Ass Kicked (NothingToxic)Get Down to the IKEA Song (Atom)

UNIVERSAL CITY – The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien, spin-off of Late Night with Conan O'Brien, born June 1st, 2009. The show lowered the curtain and ended its run January 22nd, 2010, just seven months after its debut.O'Brien's Tonight Show proudly graced the airwaves until its ownership was recalled by hacky comedian Jay Leno, the show's slippery former host, much to the chagrin of many fans. The show found its groove and ratings-gold when the long-hectored host stood up to network brass and refused to move to a worse timeslot. O'Brien's monologues and sketches leading up to his final episode took NBC apart in spectacular fashion both sardonically and financially. The entire saga has been a PR nightmare for NBC, whose out-of-touch business tactics have redefined the term "screwing the pooch."The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien is survived by Triumph the Insult Comic Dog and house band Max Weinberg and the Max Weinberg 7, and remembered fondly by comedy fans below the age of 79. In lieu of flowers, please send a steaming pile to Jay Leno's offices.

Like Seann William Scott and Billy Bob Thornton, and Jonathan Taylor Thomas and Chevy Chase before them, Jonah Hill and John C. Reilly have joined the ranks of sons and suitors sparring in The Great MILF War. In the trailer for The Duplass Brothers' new film Cyrus, we see Reilly drop his Will Ferrell impression in favor of a fresher, more self-referential Seth Rogen impression in order to play a down-on-his-luck guy who woos Marisa Tomei only to be repeatedly c-blocked by Jonah Hill, who plays her adult son. It looks pretty funny and unsettling and avoids the bee's nest to the groin approach to comedy that these movies often cater to. If you're into that sort of thing you'll have to wait for Brendan Fraser's Furry Vengeance. It's the true tale of what happens when a man's hairplugs rise up against him. Check out the trailer after the jump. Or if you're at Sundance, go see the film.

"Somebody tell Pesci to get off my wife's leg."Martin Scorsese is reteaming with producer Graham King (The Departed) to adapt The Invention of Hugo Cabret as his next project after Shutter Island. The Brian Selznick book is being adapted by John Logan and tells the story of a 12-year old orphan who lives in a Parisian train station who tries to fix his dead father's broken robot. I'm interested to see what Scorsese does with this youth-slanted source material. Up until this point, children have had to rely on Sesame Street characters acting out scenes from Casino if they want to enjoy the director's work. Man, that Ernie is not to be f*cked with. (Variety) Bert and Ernie Join the Mafia – Watch more Funny Videos

Leonardo da Vinci and Christopher Columbus can rest easy in their graves, as The Jersey Shore season finale airs tonight. I'd like to pretend the above video of the guido cast's auditions is a eulogy for the show, but I realize the world will have to endure several more years of the pop culture "phenomenon." Wouldn't you know it, the guys talk about bangin' chicks and the girls talk about gettin' banged by guys. Normally I don't mind ill-pronounced bangin' talk, but bangin' often leads to the proliferation of a species, and I'm pretty sure spawn from The Jersey Shore folks would signal the apocalypse. (AOL)

The red band trailer for Hot Tub Time Machine is here to give us a swearier/boobier look at what we've already seen. It stars John Cusack, Rob Corddry, and Craig Robinson as the characters from The Hangover, as well as Clark Duke as a kid that looks like a koala or a young Charles Nelson Reilly. You can catch the movie in theaters on March 19th. You can also catch hepatitis from a toilet seat, which I would gladly do over watching this movie. (Coming Soon)WATCH THE NSFW TRAILER AFTER THE JUMP…

Those of you who prefer Sam Worthington to protrude unnaturally from the screen may be in luck. In the wake of Avatar's box office death-grip, Warner Bros executives are now considering converting the epic to 3D. Within the next 10 days, they will screen a few converted scenes and then make the call whether the full conversion is worth it.A possible reason for the upgrade is that DreamWorks Animation&rsquo;s big kid-friendly feature How to Train Your Dragon is also releasing over the March 26th weekend. If Titans wants a bid at number one, they'll need the higher-priced tickets. But between Dragon and Avatar (which will probably still be crushing all who oppose it) will there be enough 3D screens?Like Warners, I'm not 100% on-board with the conversion. At first, it seems like a good idea to have Liam Neeson's Kraken swinging in your face. But, I don't know. It might just be too much Kraken. (THR)

Conan O'Brien has redefined the term "fu@% you money." Hours ago, he finalized his exit deal with the network that will pay him $32.5 million, executive producer Jeff Ross $4.5 million, and his staff $8 million. On top of that, he convinced the network to cave on their mitigation clause, meaning he can set up shop elsewhere and keep NBC's payout. Ouch. No word on whether he'll be able to bring his characters.To make matters more costly for NBC, on last night's show he announced that for the remainder of the week he will introduce &ldquo;new comedy bits that aren&rsquo;t so much funny as they are crazy expensive.&rdquo; Much like Evan Almighty. To kick things off, O'Brien "purchased" a Bugatti Veryon, the world's most expensive car, and dressed it like a mouse while pumping "Satisfaction" by the Rolling Stones. Not a funny bit (but still funnier than Leno) but a very costly bit. So costly in fact that NBC has yanked it from Hulu and NBC.com for fear of paying music royalties. Luckily I decided to forego a day's worth of my exorbitant blogger pay to bring the clip to you. Enjoy! (NY Times)

AMC told the director of The Shawshank Redemption that it's okay to make his show about zombies! Yippee! Last August we reported that Frank Darabont sold a pitch to adapt the graphic novel The Walking Dead for the small screen, and now after writing the script he's gotten the go-ahead to direct the pilot. That doesn't mean it will necessarily become a series, but if you consider the fact that Darabont will most likely make a kick-ass pilot there's a pretty good chance we'll get to witness at least one full season.The story follows a group of people, led by a small-town Kentucky Police Officer named Rick Grimes, trying to survive in a world overrun by zombies. But unlike most zombie films, the books are more character centric.It's good they decided to focus on the people who aren't rotting. A series about folks bumping into each other and eating brains would get awfully tedious and most likely cancelled after one episode. (THR)