CountryOfShepards: The 18th Party Congress is starting. Whoever isn’t happy will go to prison.
养羊大国：斯巴达都召开了。谁不幸福，谁进监狱。

ZuoyeBen: You’re barred from taking kitchen knives and scissors onto trains, airport security grabs your crotch, you have to fill out a form to take a taxi to Chang’an Avenue, the back windows in taxis are sealed tight, big concerts are postponed, kitchen knives are off the shelves, the filming of large-scale movies is postponed. No letting balloons go, no flying for fun, no trucks within the Fifth Ring Road. You have to give your real name to buy a remote-controlled airplane. No organized school trips in autumn. Foot massage parlors aren’t allowed to shut the door on private rooms… I deserve a Certificate of Good Personhood.

MurongXuecun: Prince Huan of Cai was terrified of sharp objects in his later years and banned metal tools from entering his home. Swords, spears, even needles were barred. One day he fell deathly ill and summoned Bian Que. Taking his bag, Bian Que went to Prince Huan. The guard at the door stopped him and said, “There are metal instruments in your bag. They are not allowed.” Bian Que complied and took out his knife. The guard would still not let him in, saying, “There are needles in your bag. They are not allowed.” Bian Que was angered and turned back. When asked about Prince Huan’s illness, Bian Que would say, “He cannot be saved.” When pressed how he knew this, Bian Que would reply, “Doctors are skilled at using needles to cure their patients. If he cannot even bear to look at a needle, pray tell me how I can save him!”

E-magazine: The Best F’ing Congress in the Galaxy: 2,270 Party members representing 80 million Party members, 76 million Communist Youth League members, 130 million Young Pioneers and 1.4 billion Chinese people (including our countrymen in Hong Kong, Macau and Taiwan) are holding a Congress for our leadership transition. Then there are 2.3 million military personnel, 1.6 million public security officers and 1.2 million armed police on standby (not counting chengguan and unconventional armed forces). Only during this grand Congress in the imperial capital does the number of volunteers reach 1.4 million. By rough estimate, the resources consumed during this period could fuel an infinite number of elections in the world’s 200 countries and territories.

OldXuComment: The city of Beijing mobilized 1.4 million volunteers to take part in security work at the 18th Party Congress. There are 2,270 Congress representatives. An average of 616.74 people are protecting each representative. And that’s before you count all the armed police, civilian police, civilian soldiers and people on the streets wearing red patrol bands. Absolutely safe!

CangHongfei: Excuse me @PeacefulBeijing, you’ve removed all the window cranks from Beijing’s taxis. The windows can’t be opened. I’d like to know, have you considered how awkward it would be if a passenger gets into a cab and the driver breaks wind? What should we do? Should we really say, “You’ve farted, right? I can’t open the window here. Could I trouble you to open yours?” See, I’m in this damn situation right now. I’m about to pass out!

Yangguo-PrivateGarden: The 18th Party Congress is about to start, and you have to register with your real name to purchase a “child’s remote controlled plane” in Beijing… What the flip! Is it necessary to be this neurotic when holding a meeting in your own country? Liang Qichao once said, “Nothing in my country is progressing; only the art of controlling the people has suddenly surpassed that of advanced countries. This pains me to tears.”

Laodingshenjianyuan: This is “Who” showing off his power to the “anti-who.” Were you more worked up than this at the seventh plenum? Take a lesson from history. This isn’t happening on the Diaoyu Islands, this is a rehearsal in stability maintenance playing out in the streets of Zhengzhou!! What a shame such mighty troops aren’t on the island.

BloodRainDustStorm: They take the money we’ve paid in taxes and beat us in return… Oh, Chinese! You’re really more pitiful than livestock! Even a grandson who serves his grandfather is told he is a good boy. But what about us? We attend to them left and right, even to the point of serving our grandfather’s family all the way in another country, and not once have we received the slightest praise. We just get our ears boxed, like before. What have we done wrong? Could it be that we owe you from our past lives?