New-Look Dolphins Refuse To Stop Kicking Ass

For a second there, we all had the flashbacks. After Dan Carpenter missed that sure-fire 42 yard field goal, and then San Diego immediately marched down the field scored a TD a few minutes later, you thought "Well fuck me in the pants, here we go again." You also thought it when Devone Bess fumbled the ensuing kickoff, allowing the Chargers to recover deep in Dolphins territory. Another Dolphins collapse, you thought. It was the typical Dolphins "This Shit Only Happens To Us" moment rearing it's ugly head again. So you braced yourself for the worst. We all did. But alas, whereas the Dolphins of the past would willingly bend over and grab their ankles like the new guy in the prison shower at the first sign of adversity, these Dolphins seemed to actually welcome it. It's as if they blew that field goal and muffed that kickoff just because someone dared them to.

Then, it was first-and-goal on Miami's two, the Chargers and their vaunted offense, not to mention our standing as the biggest fuckups in recent NFL history, staring us in the face. Dolphins fans getting ready to drown in their sorrows. Gus Johnson getting ready to yelp. Me getting ready to punt the cat. Fourth and 1 and LaDanian Tomlinson getting ready to suck the soul out of the stadium with his patented burst up the gut into the endzone. But the Dolphins defense would have none of it. They stuffed the league's best player and forced the turnover on downs. Wait. What just happened? These are not the Dolphins I know and hate!!

Just as it was two weeks ago with the Patriots, the Chargers were supposed to use our nut sack as a speed bag while handing us our own ass before running off with our hot girlfriend. On paper, there was just no disputing it. But Ronnie Brown and his 125 yards and one TD and the new-look indomitable kickass defense take umbrage with all that silly on-paper nonsense. That, after all, is why you play the game. The Dolphins don't bend to the will of the "experts" or odds makers. Because the Dolphins play by their own rules. The Dolphins are a renegade cop, and the odds makers are the perturbed chiefs of police trying to keep them from enforcing their own brand of vigilante justice.

It seems like these are no longer your Dave Wannstedt/Cam Cameron milquetoast Dolphins. Next stop: Houston. Next stop: Carnage.