User talk:Heerenveen/archive10

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This page is an archive. The contents have been moved from another page for reference purposes only, and should be preserved in their current form. Discussion or voting on this page is not current. Any additions you make will probably not be read. The current version of this page can be found at User talk:Heerenveen.

*Naked runs towards Heerenveen* Where have you been? It's like you were avoiding me! Have I mentioned that I love you? I just figured it out, esspicially since Yettie left. *Embraces Heeren and never lets go* SirOrian57~Christmas!~Talk00:47 30 December 2008

UnSignpost 8th January 09

It's weird this, the less I do around here the more I get mentioned in the USP, Hooray for lazyness! ...hey there! :D SKSirOrian57TalkRotM04:59 10 January 2009

You're here? So that's why the paper had fæces all over it before I got it off the porch... also, Mordillo hadn't been on the biopic before? Would have thought he had been. Also also, 9001 needs a good sig I reckon. Otherbotshave! –—Hv(talk)10/01 22:59

Are you suggesting I wipe my ass with you're paper after shitting on your lawn? Cos it's just that's one of the few fetishes I don't have. Oh and yes, but nothing with boobies. SKSirOrian57TalkRotM04:27 11 January 2009

Ta Codeine, although it's more like two edits in two months the way I'm going. As for Orian - bad Orian! I told you not to go in the pantry! –—Hv(talk)29/01 18:50

A shadow appears in the doorway (yes there's a fucking doorway, now!). Slowly it moves out of the shadows. The figure is holding a disproportionately large knife. It is Yettie. But you thought he was dead. "But I thought you were dead?!" you say, looking shocking (and also shocked). You are backing up. Your hands search behind you, for something like a grenade or didlo, with which to strike the intruder. "I AM DEAD!" laughs Yettie, staggering forwards, waving the knife vaguely. You smell half price Tesco vodka on Yettie's breath. "God, Yettie, you've been drinking again! You're not thinking straight!" You yelp sinking back, as the knife swipes closer. "Oh but I am thinking, so very clearly" Yettie says, laughing some more, "I know exactly where this knife is going. Now assume the position. And if Orian's here too, well he's getting raped too. Or something like that. Hey! - [19:01 29 January 2009]YYettie

What? Seriously, I must be missing something here. Either that or I've normalised from inactivity. –—Hv(talk)29/01 22:02

(MAKING A POINT OF IGNORING YETTIE AS WE REALLY REALLY REALLY DON'T WANT TO GO THERE AGAIN!!!) You calling me fat? ~Orian57~~Talk~21:43 29 January 2009

Dang right we don't want to go there. And nah, you're still just lazy. –—Hv(talk)29/01 22:02

(MAKING A POINT OF IGNORING ORIAN AS WE REALLY REALLY REALLY DON'T WANT TO GO THERE AGAIN!!!) So, I'm guessing Orian isn't home. Well it's just you and me, Hv. - [22:02 29 January 2009]YYettie

Help pls?

Hi Hv, good to see you poke your head in here. Can I ask a massive favour? The list is a bit behind and needs checking, and I'm massively too busy at work to do it - I'm staying late in the office and working at home too. Could you possibly bring it up to date? I'd be most pathetically grateful. (If you do, bear in mind the Mnbvcxz review I've left unchecked on the list is an old one I put on there in error, so don't check that one).

Oh, and if you have any spare minutes, send 'em this way - I need all the time I can get! Have a good weekend. Pippings. --UU - natter09:18, Jan 30

Sure thing, I'll get on it sometime today when I have a free block (because that's an awful lot of reviews!). I do actually have a few minutes that you could use, but the petrol needed to transport them to Leeds(?) costs so much, and I just can't afford it. Maybe ask Orian? –—Hv(talk)30/01 14:15

No because I'm doing the unsignpost which is much more importanter. ~Orian57~~Talk~17:01 30 January 2009

Yeah the st-story is, erm, about Mr Mor-Mordillo’s erm asce-ascent—rise to new power. He was, eh, pr-promoted to erm, Be-Beu- Bureaucrat? Which, erm, me-means he can- can now do- do th-things he cou-couldn’t d-d-do b-before; Kind-kind of like m-my pro-pro-promotion. Heh-heh, th-that was a j-jo-joke.

Image:Do a jailbait.jpg Determined to be a Shemale
By Mnbvcxz and Orian57

To the relief of Uncyclopedians everywhere, notorious image "Do a jailbait" has been scientifically proven not be a girl. Originally, many suspected that the disturbing and disturbingly attractive image was that of young girl: age estimates ranging from jail bait age down to "pedo-bear approves" age. However, due to much "research" on the internet regarding the appearance shemales who are just over the age of consent, it has been determined that said image was in fact a young shemale. Researchers said the hairy arms and the huge penis of the lady in question proved without reasonable doubt that the image can not be that of a girl.

Many in the Uncyclopedia community were relived by the news. Orian57 in particular who stated the child was “quite sexy.”, on the image talk page, was relieved to find he could no longer be considered bisexual.

19:48, 22 January 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked Jeus (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (And the Lord said, "Let there be bannination," and there was bannination, and one more asshat was kept off of the wiki, and the Lord looked and he saw that it was good.)

03:30, 19 January 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 98.27.241.181 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Blanking talk pages is annoying. Your inability to take a joke is even more annoying. The fact that you haven't yet been banned for either is the most annoying of all. I can fix one of those.)

02:47, 19 January 2009 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked CANIHASTHISPLEEZ (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (Looks like somebody needs to get a life. This nice little ban will keep Uncyclopedia from getting in the way of that.)

Biopic of the Week

To some, a meaningless jumble of letters, Mnbvcxz is much, much more than that. In fact, he's much, much more than you could possibly imagine. In fact, he's so much more that trying to explain it in a small box in a wiki newspaper is futile, particularly if you spend so much time explaining that you can't explain his awesomeness that you leave yourself little space to try. Still, he reviews, categorises, helps out and does stuff. But that's only the tip of the iceberg that is Mnbvcxz!

05:21, 19 January 2009 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a spanking ‎ (20 bans in August, 9 in September, 10 in October, Just 2 in December and 2 in January. Disgraceful.)

Well yeah. Also what do you think of my merchandise? ~Orian57~~Talk~18:43 2 February 2009

I think I've never been to your shop, so I don't believe I can comment without further information. –—Hv(talk)2/02 18:50

Not shop, dear, ass. Also seriously, what do you think of the article? featurable? ~Orian57~~Talk~18:52 2 February 2009

My point exactly, I've never been there, generally preferring the hole on the other side of that region. As for the (first) serious (thing said on my talk page since before the you-YTTE archive) question: First of all - since when have I been any good at judging that? What I will say though is to me it does read a lot like an UnBook. I wouldn't call it VFH, but what do I know? –—Hv(talk)2/02 18:59

Sod all. So it reads like an unbook? it's just because it's in story format and that doesn't matter. Also I laughed while writing it, there for it's hillarious. You're not telling me what I want to hear. ~Orian57~~Talk~19:05 2 February 2009

Everyone thinks their own work is hilarious. A story is generally a book. You could have a go on VFH if you wanted to, it's not like you need a lot of votes right now, I just don't think it's a lock that it'll be featured. I was looking for "negative amounts" instead of "sod all". These sentence fragments brought to you by Virgin Trains: Stuck in snow since 2009. –—Hv(talk)2/02 19:12

I;m getting it peed then I'll wait untill after the top 10 are re-featured before putting it on VFH. That way things are normal. Anyway, hows you? ~Orian57~~Talk~19:17 2 February 2009

What turn you into a tardy jaded old bitch? /thows snowball at Hv ha ha! Yur English ya fuckin poncy queer boy! ~Orian57~~Talk~19:30 2 February 2009

At least down here we have English classes, instead of your fucked up weird-spelled Scots. I can barely understand you lot! And since when have I ever not been jaded? –—Hv(talk)2/02 19:48

Fair point on all accounts! Full marks, Also the funniest thing i've seen in ages was the scots wikipedia. It's a language it's just degenerate english. ~Orian57~~Talk~19:56 2 February 2009

Oh yeah, I love that. The Scots Wikipedia, I mean. You just don't expect it from WP. –—Hv(talk)2/02 20:12

Yo Slut

Hey. I've just popped in because I'm a whore and I want to ask you a favour. Could you? Please? Pretty please? Pretty please with a cherry on top? Pretty please with a cherry on top and sugar and other glamorous shit sprinkled on it because we wouldn't want you to loose any weight, now would we?

Also, I just wanted a little bit of advice on an idea that's just struck me. And it's an idea for an article for once, not some crazy new award, or YETTIE FOR ADMIN or anything like that. You must have seen one of those shitty top 100 clip show countdown thingies on Channel 5 or BBC 3? Like Top 100 Funniest Celebrity Moments or whatever. Anyway, you know what I'm talking about, I can tell. I was thinking of doing something similar in the form of an article. Something along the lines of "Zombie Uprisings And Other Funniest Apocalypses". Or something like with like top 10 apocalypses. Whaddya think? I bet you're thinking "poor yettie, just when he thinks he can finally be bothered to write something I have to tell him that it's already been done before and it's just not funny anymore". - [12:13 3 February 2009]YYettie

A cursory glance over that says it's...interesting, that's for sure. It'll definitely be fun to review. I'm busy this afternoon watching the entire Unforgotten Realms collection with a presentation I need tomorrow, but I should be able to do it around sevenish if that's alright. Just a warning though - it won't be the best score (due to the lack of images). If it's not done tonight, feel free to send Orian 'round my house to creep me into doing it *shudder*. –—Hv(talk)3/02 14:16

Cheers. I'm kinda expecting a low score...Oh and I know, I'm always lazy when it comes to pictures and was kinda hoping that whoever reviewed it could give me a few of their own ideas on pictures. Since you're that lucky person doing the review, you get that lucky job of helping me out with picture ideas. I was thinking a picture of a traffic cop and maybe...uh well I'll just wait for your review. I'm fairly busy now, too, so don't rush your presentation or anything. Because I know you would do that. For me. But don't. - [15:01 3 February 2009]YYettie

This sounds like something I wanna be a part of. —SirSysRq (talk) 15:11, 3 February 2009 (UTC)

Sexy Sissy Rqy! What sounds like something you want to be a part of? - [15:26 3 February 2009]YYettie

This article idea. I like it. —SirSysRq (talk) 15:30, 3 February 2009 (UTC)

You mean The Zombie Uprising and Other Funniest Apocalypses? Maybe if Orian, or Hv or Tagstit or someone equally as cool wanted to help out we could each do our own funniest apocolaypses...or two...? - [15:39 3 February 2009]YYettie

Yeah actually, this does sound like a good idea. ~Orian57~~Talk~16:49 3 February 2009

Oh yeah, you're way cool. despte the fact you're old enough to be my grandfather. Oh yeah and does any one else care to vote? I've tried to do some of that sanding you mentioned UU. Maybe I should have actually left it alone for a few days but you know me? ~Orian57~~Talk~17:06 3 February 2009

Woohoo a Yettie idea that isn't crappae! Also if we're going to do it here seems like a good place. And Orian: /me reads. And UU: Oh yes, you are way cool! - [17:22 3 February 2009]YYettie

Alright, since this is my talk page (despite what it may appear), I guess I'll say that this mega-collab thing seems like a good idea to me, too, as long as we can stay off each others' toes. And YTTE: We're looking at half nine to ten for the review's completion. I've started it though. –—Hv(talk)3/02 19:43

Oh...shit, I knew there was something I'd forgotten about! It's all this snow, it makes you lose your mind (or the air where it used to be, in the case of Orian). It'll be done today, I promise. –—Hv(talk)6/02 16:57

What the hell? I'm absolutely certain I saved that Friday night...fucking Wikia servers not saving my edits. I'll redo it, but if, say, Orian were to see this and want to do it to avoid being called lazy, then go right ahead. –—Hv(talk)8/02 20:17

By the way, Mr. Hv, it's quite okay if you don't want to do the review. That would be "cool" as they say. I would be "cool" as they say if you don't have time or whatever. I'd be "cool" as they say to just ask some other slut to do it, if they could. I'd be "cool" as they say with that, if you don't think you're going to get a chance to finish. Totally "cool" as they say. - [22:52 9 February 2009]YYettie

So after a long neurotic month of blatant prostitution, secret e-mail canvassing, bribery and coercion in deciding who should win the various ‘of the Year’ awards (plus a completely normal five days of knowing who did) the results are in!

UotY: Mordillo! Nominated (but not voted for) by UU with the reason “[he does] the big bad wolf stuff to keep fuckwits at bay.”. 21 Jew jokes later (“Jew that controls the internet”, “I feel I have to vote for him” and “I love this man. To the point that his girlfriend is seriously distraught by it”) Mordillo was the landslide victor a whole 12 votes ahead of the runner up, UU! And he deserved it too (though to be frank I deserved it more)!

Our WotY was Modusoperandi! Narrowly beating Mhaille by 2 votes he was nominated by UU with the reasoning “…Tends to brighten my day whenever I see him, although that could be the light reflecting off his gleaming naked body.” Another 19 Canadian jokes ( “this silly Canadian”, “I never would have thought that casting a vote would be so painful as this” and “Modus is like maple syrup. On the outside he's all golden, sweet and sticky. On the inside however, he's all golden, sweet and sticky”) won him the award! (though to be frank I would have appreciated it more!)

Next up was our winner of PotY, Prettiestpretty! She was nominated (but not voted for) by Mhaille because she is the “producer of some very impressive work” and has won the PotM twice! 18 girl jokes later (“such a foregone conclusion”, “She's earned this and then some” and “Unlike most people here, I'm actually going to give a reason for voting for PP. I'm even going to write two sentences explaining the reason.”) she deservedly won the award which she herself designed. (I don’t even know how to use MS paint but I’d still like to have been acknowledged).

There was also an impromptu N00b of the Year award created that Rcmurphy ran off with. He was nominated by Spang with the reason “He really deserves it this time” and received 12 N00b jks (“How can you be a year old and still be a noob without being rcmurphy”, “He's still confused too” and “[Hyperbole is] regularly here and dangerously competent. Rc remains the quintessential n00b”). (*grumble* I started lurking in 2007…)

Lastly and leastly there was the UGotY which was awarded to Wikia. Nominated by Mhaille with the reason “Wikia continue to raise the bar on defining what it means to be a Useless Gobshite”. He/she/it got 5 jokes that I don’t properly understand (“As much as I'd like to see Yettie take this, Wikia is both more useless and far more of a gobshite”, “it's rare to see such dedication to gobshitery” and “Outstanding contributions to fail.”). (Ok so I’m not bitter about loosing this.)

1:33, 2 February 2009 Flyingfeline (Talk | contribs) blocked 81.169.166.86 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Oh, brilliant. Well, that's going to be fun for both of us. I wonder who'll get bored first?)

04:39, 31 January 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 72.138.52.153 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (Hey there! Remember me? I was the admin that asked you to stop failing so hard back in October. Now I'm asking again, but with a ban length 12 times longer.)

18:16, 29 January 2009 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked Sej (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ ("And He saw the work, and He was sore displeased; and He did smite the n00b with all his wrath". Book of Codeine, ch. 6, vs 9)

04:48, 31 January 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 28 minutes ‎ (Apparently the UnSignpost has a 'Cajek ban of the week' section. This is my week!)

Custom box #3 This box is empty. Imagine something nice here like a Caribbean holiday, getting sand in your shoes and arse crack while being blistered by sun you weren't made to handle and pretending to enjoy yourself.

Personally I would have put in a story or box about FF's return (and I really don't like being reminded about the otY's), but the story's good, well written. It's a good job. As for the traditional snarky joke - I can only imagine what YTTE had to do to get the biopic! –—Hv(talk)5/02 16:17

UU told me to do the 'of the year' thing so I did. And who's FF? Also this whole blatant honesty thing has got to stop. couldn't you have just said 'it was good'? ~Orian57~~Talk~16:35 5 February 2009

FF=Flyingfeline, I'm guessing, from that UnSignpost. Not exactly, Sherlock Holmes, ey Orein, are you? Furthermore (look, I didn't use also)! I agree with Orein, honesty is not the way to go. You could just follow my lead and go down the it-was-good-for-let's-have-sex route, ya know. - [22:56 9 February 2009]YYettie

UnSignpost 12th February 2009

This week's obligatory "brutally honest" comment: About the "Gender confirmation of the Week"... Three words. What. The. Fuck. Also, wow, early paper. Since when does that happen? –—Hv(talk)11/02 20:53

Hey, I'm busy. People submit stuff, I put it in. Mostly. (Still not sure about that Sonic thing in the Press Room). Besides, at least a dozen people have contrinuted to the ongoing Yettie's penis saga, which makes it about as much an in-joke as RAHB's penis. Also, early papers happen when the owners of bots set them loose early. I said tomorrow, but MrN removed the leash tonight. Hey ho. --UU - natter21:28, Feb 11

That was more of a "I-missed-the-whole-saga-and-am-worrying-about-the-sanity-of-our-editors" WTF rather than a "Why-is-that-in-the-paper" WTF. And I think you should get a raise for getting this out early - I'll ask Mordillo about getting you 20% up on your current £0. –—Hv(talk)11/02 21:36

Uncyclopedia admins today announced that there would most definitely never be advertisements placed in the hallowed halls of yon humor wiki. However, it seems in order to rake in the cash that would have resulted from these ads, similar to raking in the flavor from KFC's new Turkey-Flavored ChickenTM, we will instead be treated to subtle product placement in every facet of Uncyclopedia.

The driving force behind this decision is undoubtedly greed. The driving force behind the new Ford ExplorerTM is Jack Bauer. Catch 24 this Sunday on FOX! Jack Bauer drives a Ford! When asked for Uncyclopedia's official political stance on the matter, sysop TheLedBalloon said, "You can't fool me Jimmy Carter! I voted for Gerald Ford in the last election and I'm DAMN PROUD OF IT! You can't intimidate me with your 'pretending to be the newspaper reporter but actually being Jimmy Carter in disguise who will then detain me for several months of waterboarding hell' routine--fool me once, shame on you; fool my twice, shame on me...", which only added more fuel to the fire of speculation surrounding this occurence. For the best value fuel, visit Egan's SunocoTM.

The mood in the Uncyclopedia break room was sombre today. Several users expressed their concern about not having ads placed on the wiki. "What? No ads? But how will we make money?" asked Sockpuppet of an unregistered user. It seems the secret of product placement has been kept under wraps by the non-existant Cabal. For the best quality cling-wrap, choose Crestfield Wax PaperTM. When asked for the reason behind the secrecy, TheLedBalloon further elaborated on his earlier statement, saying, "FORD WAS RIGHT TO PARDON NIXON, DAMMIT! So take your goddamn liberal hippy goddamn elitist goddamn tax-raisings somewhere else!" Readers are reminded that Williams BrandTM is the preferred brand of hippy elitist tax-raisings by a 2-to-1 margin. Please stay tuned to the UnSignpost for further updates on the ad situation, the product placement situation, and how really, really terrible all of our articles are going to look with trademark tags mucking up the line spacing.

For the first time in 18 years - in fact, since the first Sonic game came to the USA in 1991 - Sonic Fever has again spread far and wide, and the age of Sonic is back! (Among several users on Uncyclopedia, at least). The first Golden Age of Sonic ran from 1993-1998. By 2001, Sonic was way past his prime, grumbling about how he "used to be a contender" and trying to hock his large collection of gold rings and emeralds for beer money. People no longer cared about Sonic. Then in 2008, a surge in Sonic Mania started again, but this time on the internet! It reached Uncyclopedia in 2009. Uncyclopedia Experts have determined that the mania will be short lived, and be replaced by Mario Fever, and then a resurgence in Pokémon Fever all within the next 3 years. Meanwhile, Twilight mania among teenage girls will continue to outstrip it. Enzo Aquarius declined to comment, for he was too busy for an interview. The UnSignpost imagines he'd probably have said something about Rouge The Bat being "hawt".

13:21, 13 February 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Gettgett (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Do I know you? No. Do I know your butt ugly friends? No. Do I CARE about you and your friends? NO. Do I think you are all bored and butt ugly. YES. Get the point? Get some good looking friends)

Biopic of the Week

What do you look for in an amphibian? Long hind legs, a short body, webbed digits (fingers or toes), protruding eyes and the absence of a tail? Or a large banstick, supercool admin powers, awesomewritingskills, gratuitous profanity and minor homicidal tendencies? If you chose the first option, you need a regular frog. If you chose the second, you need TKF. (Just don't call him TFK). If you chose the third option, you aren't playing properly.

Yay, victory! Anyway, I guess I'm going to whore this at some point, so may as well get it out of the way now. –—Hv(talk)21/02 13:15

Bouncy logo on Wikipedia article

you posted the CSS code on the Wikipedia article talk page for replacing the potato with the bouncy wikipedia logo, can you briefly explain how you would use the code to do it on other pages? 90.221.43.109 15:40, 21 February 2009 (UTC)

Right, what you would do would be:

Make a page called MediaWiki:Skin/ARTICLETITLEHERE.css (you need to be a sysop to do this)

UnSignpost 26th February 09

Not that I've ever deleted anything ever, but I'm fairly sure you're looking for a snarky answer, sooooo..... Because my life has enough whinging about relationships coming out of my own mouth that I could do without that crap on here. –—Hv(talk)26/02 20:52

VFS

For your vote in VFSYou have been awarded a Certificate guaranteeing you safe passage within Uncyclopedia's borders if Zionist domination is eventually established.

No, I was very aware of the rumors I was spreading. Don't always assume I am drunk, some of my best mischief goes on when I'm sober. —SirSysRq (talk) 23:51, 28 February 2009 (UTC)

You don't need to brag about comming between true love. I mean you date rape me and because of "past actions" I'm still the bad guy!? Well fuck him! ~Orian57~~Talk~01:31 1 March 2009

That's the point of past actions - to make people assume you do stuff later. –—Hv(talk)1/03 10:15

The list

Any chance of you helpfully running your eyes over the latest batch of reviews on the list? I'm running rapidly out of quality checking time right now... --UU - natter15:50, Mar 5

Sure, just give me half an hour as I've just got in, and I'll do it. Also, wow that's a lot of reviews. –—Hv(talk)5/03 16:49

Most of 'em are by Projectmayhem666 - be careful with him, he's applying to join. I'm struggling slightly with him, tbh, as although his recent reviews seem to have enough content and suggestions, on the ones I've glanced at he does seem to have missed the point rather (see the one of Modus's UnNews as exhibit a). Would seriously appreciate your views on his membership - after all, his reviews seem to be in good faith and he does want to be helpful. I'm in two minds on this, I really am! --UU - natter16:54, Mar 5

Having just checked his five (giving him two in-depth) I'm a little torn on this as well to be honest. On the one hand, has PEEING ever turned down someone who got to 5 in-depth? If he does, and we do, it might be a bad precedent to set. On the other hand, a lot of the stuff in his reviews just don't make that much sense. Personally, I'd let him in if he hits five, but keep an eye on him to make sure his reviews actually mean something. Reviews that knock off about five marks and use up the entire P&F section for Oxford comma use (which is subjective to the author, isn't it?) isn't really right. Then again, when was the last time I did a review? –—Hv(talk)5/03 18:15

Thanks Hv. I wouldn't dream of keeping him out when he gets to 5 in-depth, I just wondered what kind of feedback to give him as he seems keen to get in and hungry for info. His reviews are a significant improvement on this first few, which is promising, at least. And I have seen other reviewers miss the point of articles before, myself included, I guess! Much obliged to you for the help, I'll be back on top of things tomorrow. --UU - natter09:45, Mar 6

The latest Mediawiki update imposed on Uncyclopedia by its despotic overlords, Wikia, has had a catastrophic effect. The new parser, described by UnSignpost technical expert Gerrycheevers as "little gnomes in your browser that run between HTML tags to produce the proper effect in between" has thrown the formatting of quite literally some Uncyclopedia pages completely out of kilter.

Resident tame Wikia staffer Sannse tried to explain: "bad HTML is the most likely cause of errors. But there are some other changes that might cause errors. For example, the way that some complex parser tags work has changed. The best thing to do is to look for HTML problems first (not forgetting that the errors are often in templates used on the page). Then, if you can't find it, hassle anyone you know who knows HTML and wikimarkup better than you (nah, not going to link some poor guy). Then, if you can't find it, hassle me to find help (Uberfuzzy is on standby to assist where needed). Again I'd suggest that the template author should be the person who knows how to make it work!"

Most Uncyclopedians had already gone cross-eyed by this point, but she gamely continued: "Don't forget that you can use Special:ParserDiffTest as a help in finding exactly what's different on a page. A lot of the changes don't mean anything. For example, on this page the only differences are to class and section titles. But this one shows problems with center and div tags (the last two green sections on the div)".

Your USP offers the following, less confusing advice: if you open any kind of tag in html like <this>, you have to close it again, like </this> before the end of your page. And if you open more then one tag, be sure to close them in the right order <like><this></this></like>. Then shit should not get fucked up.

Well, February is over, and that means it's time to look back at the shortest month of the year and make fun of people who won awards during that month, for they have only won 90.32% as much recognition as those who won the award during a robust 31-day month. Let's get started with...

DrStrange, our newest Writer of the Month, fresh off his NotM victory in December, is a welcome addition to our close, close family of editors who have never had any physical contact with each other. Since joining, the good doctor has written severalfeaturedarticles, and is well on his way to another. He has enjoyed perhaps the quickest transition ever from NotM to WotM, but don't expect us to go looking things up to confirm that.

February's Uncyclopedian of the Month was our lovable Wikia dictator, Sannse. Donning her staff hat and Wikia mystic power staff, Sannse always manages to be polite and cheery, even when sending vandal IPs to their doom, tacking notices to the corkboard in the Uncyc break room that incite site-wide user rebellion, and crushing the earlier mentioned site-wide user rebellions.

Our N00b of the Month was a chap by the name of Guildensternenstein, which we have come to believe is some sort of undead monster from a Shakespeare play. His impressivework in his short time here, along with his other helpful contributions such as dropping by Pee Review and Imperial Colonisation from time to time, should quiet up those doomsayers who say "we don't have any good n00bs anymore" for quite some time.

09:02, 5 March 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 70.160.35.16 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (thanks for your thoughtful and insightful additions, and your considerate removing of content, you win a free day off! (don't blank))

13:36, 3 March 2009 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked Mordillo (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a torah, two bagels and a large blue yamulke ‎ (Unblocked too early. I suspect a Jewish conspiracy!)

19:28, 2 March 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked MTTB (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎ (possibly one day people will start reading messages I leave for them on the talk page. YOU. DO. NOT. REVERT. ME. WITHOUT. TALKING. WITH. ME.)

06:44, 2 March 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 67.225.120.225 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (And I'm going to rape you if you don't shut up. *takes his first ever swig of Jack Daniels, throws up*)

Biopic of the Week

Optimuschris ~ "Having been around for a while now, Opty deserves some recognition," said the newest UnSignpost intern, pictured at the right. He went on in his monotonous, metallic voice: "He has a featured article and another in the works. He contributes to bettering the site via Pee Review and Imperial Colonization." We were going to agree with the robot-ish fellow, but when we turned back, he was gone. But there was a refrigerator there we hadn't noticed before...

Old-School Featured Article of the Week

The Keep Your Finger In The Box Game has been a smash hit among the rainy-day crowd since its introduction to America in 1954. Despite the title of the game, the object is to not take your finger out of the box before your opponent does. The article contains a rich history of the game, as well as a detailed strategy list involving cats, seduction, and urine-filled projectiles.

None. Seriously, it hasn't happened. Not banning Cajek is the new banning Cajek.

New poopsmith of the week

RabbiTechno has taken up his new position as co-processor of shit on the wiki alongside some scrote whose name escapes us briefly - perhaps because he hinted he wanted a story about himself in this edition. The good Rabbi has so far been diligently watching his sidekick do all the donkey work, while conducting the far harder task of making sure it has all been done properly. He exclusively didn't tell the Signpost: "yup, looks good enough to me".

Hey dickweed

Whatever does dickweed mean? are there actually people who have plants growing out of their genitalia... There probably is actually but to be honest I don't watch Channel 5. Also, what do you think to Neurotic out of interest? please vote if you like it. ~Orian57~~Talk~22:31 7 March 2009

I'm sure I saw some fat woman get one of those implanted on one of those Channel 4 surgery shows... wasn't pretty. As for the article, it just about made my cut (hence the weak for). Looks like it'll get health'd though, but hopefully it'll pull through. –—Hv(talk)7/03 22:38

Thanks! If the picture bothers you so much sort it out yourself. Personally I hate pictures, they're always the weakest thing about my articles. And I know about the low health hence the last minute whoring. Thanks though, seriously. ~Orian57~~Talk~22:45 7 March 2009

I know what you mean, getting good pictures is always the hardest part of mine to do (well, that and being arsed towrite the damn thing). I wouldn't dare sort the picture out for fear of turning it into a black hole that engulfs Uncyc, and then the entire internet, and then the world. Also - every time someone edits this section it pings me in IRC. –—Hv(talk)7/03 22:50

Cool! Yes it's that time again, the inevitable awkward moment in the conversation where at least one half of it doesn't know how to progress! :D ~Orian57~~Talk~22:52 7 March 2009

Or, in this case, both parties. When YTTE was here, this would be at least seven edits down the road (or in one case, a hundred). I know how I'm resolving it though — a comfy bed and a cuss at how much work I have to do tomorrow. –—Hv(talk)7/03 22:58

Oh yeah, that was so much fun! I wish he were still with us... He's laughing with God now -- Oh that's right did I tell you I'd found Jesus? ~Orian57~~Talk~04:16 8 March 2009

*looks up from mountain of paper*Noyoudidn't*goes back to two weeks overdue IT coursework* –—Hv(talk)8/03 21:40

Dead for about sixty years, not that that should stop you and what you're hinting at. Just... do it in the back cupboard over there, the one with YTTE's carcass. –—Hv(talk)10/03 07:02

Ah good -- I mean not good, obviously his family will be upset but you know. I like the smell of death. ~Orian57~~Talk~07:05 10 March 2009

Absolutely no buts?

I've obviously not paid enough attention to the PLS rules. After you said you'd would arrange the PLS in gerrycheevers' thread, I was all like "oh awesome, gerrycheevers is that ice hockey star! Also, I should start working on an article to enter into the competition", and I still am, User:Nachlader/World Wildlife Fund, which I started about week before you announced the start of the competition. I even told the user who is helping me with the images that I intended to put the article forward for PLS. So I ask again with my desperation, is there absolutely no chance that my article can enter? ---kun "whisper sweet nothings into thine ear..." 17:23, 10 March 2009 (UTC)

Sorry, but (and I'm sorry if it sounds like what Modus said) it just wouldn't be fair on the people who waited, and it'd be a dangerous precedent. Sorry. –—Hv(talk)10/03 17:57

Purim

OK, so it's late and you're a goy. But nevermind - I sent it to a load of other non-Jewish users, but somehow or other I managed to forget you. A thousand apologies etc etc etc.

Mad Mike "Moishe" Tyson does it, so you should too!

Yes - it's Purim already, so be like
Mike and eat some ears today!

It's the only time of year when being a Jew is fun!Chag Purim Sameach from Rabbi Techno

My Entry for PLS

Will you allow it, was started 2 days early but then again I'd never heard of this before, there wasn't much content on it though either, compared to what I'm going to put on it. --—The preceding signed comment was added byProjectmayhem666 (talk • contribs). 12:50, 13 March 2009 (UTC)

I'm going to have to say no to that, sorry. There's just too much there prior to the start date (literally, the only exceptions are for things like "a"). –—Hv(talk)13/03 14:02

its ok, I'll prepare next time, I just saw the header and thought might try it but I'll enter the next. --—The preceding signed comment was added byProjectmayhem666 (talk • contribs). 16:22, 13 March 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost 12th March 09

WE ARE DOOMED! Head for the hills, Uncyclopedia users, there's nothing that can save us now! As of this morning, we NO LONGER EXIST!!! Now, if you are reading this, you may be thinking to yourself, "why, that Gerry fellow is quite mad. Since I am reading the UnSignpost now, then both I and Uncyclopedia must still exist." To this i say to you: THAT'S WHAT THEY WANT YOU TO THINK. Furthermore, it is also WHAT THEY WANT YOU TO THINK THEY THINK YOU THINK.

Reactions were mixed today at the wiki. Some theorized that uncyclopedia.wikia.com was, in fact, sinking. In response to this, the women (all 3 of them) and children were loaded onto lifeboats and fired out of the lifeboat-cannon, in hopes that they would land far away enough from the landlocked Uncyc as to find a body of water. Other preparations included the Cajek string quartet playing rousing versions of traditional ship-sinking music.

While it might seem rash for an official non-cabal-run periodical to endorse panic, the UnSignpost urges all Uncyclopedia users to abandon all reason and logic in an attempt to save themselves. The best course of action is most likely the one that involves the maximum amount of screaming, arm-flailing, and general insanity. The Uncyclopedia Store is likely to be looted quickly, so be sure to stop by early to maximize you chances at getting the best stuff.

Uncyclopedians have continued their brave foray into the dangerous world of numbers, today reaching the long-awaited benchmark of 3,239. The constitutes nearly 1/300th of the total goal, meaning we are 0.32% of the way there! Users were overjoyed, confused, and generally apathetic about the achievement.

Since its inception on February 20th, 2008, many different counters, or 'c-ters' as they refer to themselves, have contributed to the project. The content of the countup has varied greatly, from battleships to cartoon characters to road signs, and yet never deviating very far away from pornography. At any rate, it seems Uncyclopedia admin and Chair of the Committee to Investigate and Eliminate Needless Committees Spang's experiment to destroy the internet has not succeeded...yet.

The project has advanced at a rate of 8.39 numbers per day, a respectable clip considering the enormous effort involved in adding the next number in the sequence. At this brisk clip, the project will reach completion at 18:45 UT on June 24, 2334. Until that day, Uncyclopedians can only hope, dream, and continue in the increasingly difficult task of adding one to a moderately large number.

23:47, 9 March 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 72.23.110.230 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Blanking 'please don't delete this page'--my favorite part about that idea was how original it was.)

16:08, 10 March 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 168.170.199.120 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ ("He who shall be an idiot shall be striked down with furious anger". Book of Mordillo, chapter one verse 3)

10:52, 11 March 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 24.89.227.16 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (we apologise for taking so long to ban you, but we get there in the end. also, I think you'll find it is you who loves the cock.)

Biopic of the Week

Guildensternenstein ~ With one of the hardest usernames to spell correctly (and not one that's hard but fun, like some users), Guildie has splashed upon the Uncyc scene with a gusto. Displaying a knack for writinghumor (the main prerequisite to be considered "ballin'" by fellow Uncyclopedians), he also takes part in the current trends of Pee Review and Imperial Colonization, making him popular and, thus, cooler than you.

Old-School Featured Article of the Week

This is it. The big one. The greatest article in Uncyclopedia history...Bears. Yes, these foraging lunatics are masters of cryogenics, and will stop at nothing in their quests for honey, human flesh, and pic-a-nic baskets.

15:14, 6 March 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 24 seconds ‎ (I am very troubled by the fact you were not banned in a while. Has the community given up on you???)