Gay Stuff : The Ex Boyfriend

We all have an ex-boyfriend hidden somewhere. Lucky for many of us they have moved on and don’t bother us too much or we have resolved any hidden feeling and can be friends. I started dating someone who lives with his ex-boyfriend. I was a little cautious at first but was re assured they were 100% broken up and there was nothing to worry about.

I was cool with this until last week. Suddenly the guy has forgotten they aren’t dating anymore and is telling the guy I’m seeing that he is cheating on him. He goes on to tell him that he has been waiting for the last 9 months for him to climb in bed with him and he hasn’t. My guy calms him down by reminding him they aren’t dating. This works for a day or two. Next the ex says he has made an appointment for couples counselling. The guy I’m seeing told him they aren’t a couple. He breaks down and says he is going to see the therapist himself.

He comes back from the session with hope in his eyes. Seems the therapist is an old friend of his and has told him what he is feeling is valid. He looks at the guy I’m seeing and tells him if he forgets about me all will be forgiven and they can move forward. He starts crying. He then tells him he is going to visit his family and wants him to come with. He says no.

After being told numerous times they are not a couple have not been a couple for several months the guy seems to get it but in the morning the ex-boyfriend asks for a kiss and tells him they are going to be just fine.

Finally the guy cracks and tells the guy I’m seeing that while he is living under his roof he cannot date anyone at any time. He moved out November 1st.

My response to the whole thing is I get it, you fucked up and lost a really great guy and now that you see him moving on you want what you lost. Making his life miserable is not going to win him back. It’s time to move on and give the guy a chance.

Do you have a psycho ex-boyfriend? Have you been a psycho ex-boyfriend?

Related Articles

There are 53 comments

Oh I have been there. I was dating a very nice older man for a few months back in 2012. He was into partying, I am not. So after putting up with it and a lot of fabreaze, I called it quits. He still calls and texts me. I get the drunk/crying call at least twice a month. He dosnt seem to acknowledge I have moved on.

Four years ago, I had my first “boyfriend”. I use the term loosely. One cold summer night, “Bryan” and I met at the local poof bar, and we hit it off. We exchanged phone numbers and agreed to be good friends. We slept together on his birthday a week later. We talked on the phone all the time and would get together on weekends. I was crazy about this guy.

But as the summer dragged on, we started finding out little things about each other that we didn’t like. He was selfish, I was naïve, he lied a LOT, and I let him be emotionally abusive. We missed Pride that summer – we were supposed to go together, but he missed the bus, so we just went to the mall instead. He would disappear for days at a time, and would never explain where he was. Then a week before my birthday we were making plans for how to celebrate, and he tells me we’re breaking up. He doesn’t like our relationship, and his friends told him to do it. I was completely crushed. Later, I found out that he didn’t really miss the bus to Pride: he never planned to go with me because he was embarrassed to introduce me to his friends, who would be there. I was the wrong person to take to Pride, but I’m the right person to take to the mall when his plans change? BS. If we went together, he probably would have left me there with no way of getting home. He ripped on me behind my back, and spread a rumour that I lived with my grandmother, and other crazy shit. Bryan showed up at my birthday party at the poof bar, quite uninvited, but he didn’t interact with me, just loitered. I was ready to move on, and I soon did.

Then a few months later, I met a new friend at the same place, “Chris”. We exchange numbers, we hang out. I told him about Bryan – we were swapping bad ex stories – and not a week later, I see Bryan again. I try to talk to him to resolve some issues, and I told him that I really did love him. Not an hour later, he goes on a date with my new buddy Chris. They figure out they’ve been seeing me, and after comparing notes, Chris reads me the Riot Pact over the phone for ‘lying’ about Bryan, and every minor fault I possess as well.

My town’s full of douchebags like this. I haven’t seen Bryan since, and good riddance.

Living together after a breakup is a weird thing, how can either one move on when your living arrangement is still the same. It is easy for one to be delusional that the relationship is still on going.

When you break up with your boyfriend, one of the two needs to move out to avoid conflict but also do not resume friendship for at least years pass by. I lost a potential boyfriend when I told my ex we can be friends. My ex was nuts in the beginning my ex and potential boyfriend was fighting over me. Then we went to the police to file charges for assault and stalking. It was nuts. Eventually I ended all friendship and relationships and avoided both of them for 9 years. One day after not seeing my ex for over 9 years I received a letter stating that he was sorry and spent past several years of what he did wrong. I never heard from him again. The whole point is it is difficult to remain friends after an intimate relationship.

I have only been in two relationships and my most recent ex, his new partner and I get along very well as good friends. I haven’t seen my first ex (who was a psycho-drunk and heavy drug user) in many years, since I moved away from my home town and have never been back. I just thought about him the other day and for the heck of it Googled his name only to find out he died back in 2011.

As for your story; It’s a pretty common problemmistake for some to get mixed up with someone who is still living with their ex and says that all is well between them, it rarely ever is. There are two sides to a love story and perhaps you could have asked the ex his side of it, but since you didn’t you only had half a story and your hormones to go on.

Your new friend was involved in creating the mess he’s in and is responsible for doing whatever he can to clean it up, even if it’s inconvenient for him and you. It’s long past time for him to move out and move on rather than use his ex to save money by not moving out when he should have or for whatever reason he claims to have stayed there.

I highly doubt that his ex just started having these problems out of the blue because of you. I also understand that you want to take his side in the matter because it’s about something you want, but like I said you only have half of the story like it or not.

My ex isn’t psycho, but he has trouble understanding the new boundaries now that we are just friends. He cheated and lied the whole relationship, and it took over a year after breaking up for me to be in a place of forgiveness where I could agree to be friends. But as he moved back home to another state across the country after the breakup, I felt the distance would allow us to have a decent friendship.

Now he’s back in town: he moved in with a new guy almost twice his age, leeching off the older dude for money. They’d met twice before he picked up and moved. As his friend, I advised him against it as I would any friend. Now that their relationship is running into the predictable bumps, he is constantly seeking my validation and help. He wants me to meet his new boyfriend, I refused. Whenever they fight, he wants to come over, I won’t do it. I have explained to him that even though we are friends, we are not best buds because of our history. I have explained to him I am no longer his emotional safety net — I am for all intents and purposes a “new” friend. I’ve asked him to stop asking me to either validate his new relationship or rescue him from it.

He is having a hard time adjusting to our new role in each others’ lives. The key to dealing with an ex is to set boundaries and stick to them. I have no problem doing so, and he will have to work out his issues with those boundaries on his own. #sorrynotsorry

1 psycho ex, but the thing we had was toxic so we both were a bit psycho. But the real reason I’m commenting that that I’m sorry, but there are 3 sides to every story. And I don’t think that the ex would just “out of the blue” start saying their a couple again unless something happened between there when you weren’t around. Granted, Ex-BFs are notorious for being crazy, but even I have to admit my ex only went psycho after we slept together again or share a kiss after breaking up. A fire can’t start without fuel. #JustSayin’

I had an ”ex” i guess he was. Who was a little older than me (me 21 and him 30) and i liked him a lot. But he treated me like a kid and would literally ask me almost every day

”did you eat today?” ”did you eat enough? did you eat healthy?” ”don’t stay out late at work”

And it started to become like he was my mother or father. And worst part is his friends who were around his age were kind of dicks too me. They acted like i was some kind burden cause i was younger and that i didn’t do enough with my life (Despite the fact i had just graduated college and i was working a lot while some of them were unemployed)

Worst part is he had lots of creepy rice queen friends… he himself was Chinese and i’m a Hapa. I Would go to his friends parties and they were usually some weird white rice queen mother fuckers… and a bunch of young Asian guys. Not my bag at all.

The guy i was seeing eventually just stopped talking to me and even left a club we were at without telling me. Or explaining anything! so he of course did the cliche delete off facebook and just disappeared.

They say older guys are more mature but i find that to be 100% utter bullshit.

I am a non drama type person. If I know that a guy I am interested in is living with an “ex” I don’t trust it. Either they fight like angry cats or there is still some form of attraction. I will not fight for one affections if it comes to it. I have been burned and dumped to many times by guys going back to “exes” so now I ask on a first date, how long have you been broken up….if it is less than 6 months I step back…I guess I am not trusting enough…I don’t want your recent baggage dropping into my life, and worrying about how you feel about me after a recent breakup…that would make me the rebound or in other words the distraction.

All I can say is this: for anyone who has experienced the beauty of loving someone so strongly…..once it is gone…it is very difficult to love that way ever again (no matter how the split up occurred to begin with).

For me, once a guy chooses to move on…..there is NO friendship from that pt. on. I do not even entertain that thought.

I fell in love with my bestfriend. He was my first and the one who brought me out. We were happily in love for 2 years. I mean madly in love. We worked at the same office and at times had 2 timea a day. In the office fileroom bathroom.we couldn’t keep off each other. Until one day he broke the news. “Im joining the military and we should stop this”. I was so hurt. And the worst part I saw his beautiful face everyday. I begged him to come back. But he was serious about moving away and carrying on with his life. I started doing everything to remind him of what we had. He even said I was a stalker. We at times had breakup sex. But he moved away to the military and I didnt hear from him in 2 years. All that time I stayed single hoping he would come back to his first love. I visited we had sex and I begged him to make back. Again he refused. I tried dating but guys these days are so full of drama and lies. I never stop thinking of my true love. And no matter how far apart we are he never stops checkin in on me. Telling me everything bout his love life. Making it even harder for me to move on. Lastnite he just invite me to come visit again. All smiles now. Guess im that psycho ex-boyfriend. :p

Someone educated, with good sense needs to write a book on love relationships for gay people.

The only role models gay people havehad for love relationships are other gay people they know, who have been through all of this stuff before and are unable to break the dysfunctional cycle themselves because they keep going after partners with the same traits that attracted them to the last partner in the beginning.

It’s like physically abused women who keep hooking up with abusive men over and over. One would think that the first time they get punched by the new guy they would know it’s time to end it, but they use their supposed love for him as a sick excuse to stay with him.

It’s actually their lack of love for themself that makes them do that and I think it may be a lot of gay people’s lack of real love for themselves that get them into these types of situations.

It might feel good and it might fool you into believing it’s real this time, but it makes no difference how much someone else claims to love you if you don’t always love yourself more than they do.

First was with a guy I was hooking up with. He had broken up with his boyfriend about 3 months prior but they still lived together in same house. We decided to meet at a place that apparently he and his boy friend used to hook up because we couldn’t meet at either if our places. When he did come home his ex went place to place looking for him and burst in on us fucking. Fortunately there was a wall between us because this guy was crazy beating on the door fortunately his ex finally left and we found a new place that his ex doesn’t know about.

Second was an 18 year old guy nice enough but I told him before we meet that if was NSA. Then after we hooked up he starred txt me everyday about how he loved me and want to be my boyfriend and just over the top. Fortunately I had never let him come to my house so he doesn’t know where I live. Even after I was blunt with home he kept try to talk to me finally after iOS 7 came out I was able to block him.

I have had to deal with a break and longing to get back together and may try to mend thing for a couple of weeks but after that I just stop trying morn the loss and move on.

I used to be one of the psycho ex bf. I met a straight guy and convinced him to switch sides, and we got together. Al went well for a few months, then he started seeing other guys. And started telling me that we weren’t dating all this time, that he was just experimenting. And thats when i went psycho, cuz he hooked up with a guy whom i had introduced him to. A guy who i had considered to be one of my best friends. I’m over him now. But, he still msgs me on Fb and tells me that i’m the best he ever had and hopes to get back together someday.

Sorry but they are called EX’s for a reason. I really don’t get why anyone would want to spend time with someone they have “removed” from their life unless there is no way around it. You don’t have to be nasty about it but they don’t need to be your buddy either. Do you really want to hear about the great guy that replaced you??? Do you think your ex does?

I had an X that I worked with and went to the gym with. I look back now and understand that we were both young at the time, but I really ruined the chance of a friendship. I really miss him, but have definitely moved on Im sure he`s fine too

My first boyfriend I was with after I came out was a controlling psycho and a pathological liar. I still can’t believe how blinded I was by love. Finally when he called me a liar for not texting him when I was driving, I ended it. I have a new BF and life has never been better. Live and learn!

My ex of 7.5 yrs and I broke up and he lived with me for another 4 years. There were no fights, and the breakup was pretty mutual. I met another guy and he moved in with me so it was the 3 of us. I had a big house, so no one got in each other’s way. I no longer really speak to the new BF after things ended, but my ex BF and I still talk to each other at least once a week and are good friends.

I know the type you are talking about. I had an ex who would not move out when we broke up. He moved into my house a few weeks after we started seeing each on and within five months everything went downhill, yet he wanted to stay in my house and bring his little friends over to play. Well finally I was able to have his new boyfriend move him into his place and that lasted for just a few months. That boyfriend kicked him out and he was calling asking if he could move in with me again. Some folks don’t know when to just take a walk when they don’t have a roof over their head.

You guys accepting guys that are messy, have issues, toxic, etc. Deserve the drama n all that it brings. I’ve been married, broke up, even came close to catching a case. I caught him cheating w/ known whore n beat that ass, sent him to Jamaica Queens Hospital. I WILL NOT BE DISRESPECTED. Especially when I’m loving with my heart n soul. Rule of thumb: Stop expecting a man when u allow him to be a boy. Life’s to short to wait for sum1 to grow up. You can grow together but that doesn’t mean an. individual should b held emotionally hostage while you figure out what u want, where u wanna be, or what u want to do. Don’t be a dime complaining abt a dollar, but don’t settle for a penny with a hole in it either. Exes are exes for a reason. You don’t need to be ” friends ” with an ex. Whatever broke u up ie trust, money, dishonesty etc is not something acceptable in friendship either. You don’t have to hate him, be classy enough to keep it cute if u cross paths but keep it at hi n bye. Don’t leave yaself open for any psychotic episodes. He’ll only b as crazy as u let him. I check that in the beginning of the dating phase. RESPECT IS NOT OPTIONAL!! Bottom line is when its over let it b over. If not you’re creating a toxic situation. Remember Pet Cemetery??? If you don’t let it die, you wont like what comes back. Lolol

My last ex was living in the same apartment complex as his ex for while. He lived an hour and a half away and the first time I ever went to spend the night with him, I woke up the next morning to said ex in his room (my ex had gone to work) calling me by name and telling me that he was my ex’s current partner.

My ex came home from work and explained to me that the ex was obsessed and refused to believe it was over. Months later he had to move in with the ex and even though I hated it, I had to accept it. It made seeing each other difficult and hard for me to visit.

3 months before we split, the ex passed a way and I actually thought that our relationship would get stronger but the distance between us was tearing us apart and eventually he gave me an ultimatum to move to his city or we were over so we ended the relationship.

I’m assuming the guy you’re dating moved out to be with you and I hope he did and I hope things works out well for you.

Psycho and Ex. Ok first off I did a few things wrong I looked in his cell phone when he was showering, Bought him a car or two so he could get to work. They where beaters but a car never less. Also I let him use sex as a weapon. Now What i found on his phone was that he was telling his friends he was not happy with me and three guys he was seeing he told them all that he was leaving me very soon. After I saw this I decided to leave Pittsburgh for a while and go back home to Canada to collect my thoughts. Needless to say when i was Face booking him he said i was in Pittsburgh still when i wasn’t. Then he went to my bosses house to see if I was there. I had caught him having sex with my friend and i brought him back. Do I love him Yes but what I ended up with in the end was a busted lip my car vandalized, money stolen from my wallet, and him telling me I was the worse lay he ever had and that I made him sick when we had sex. It really hurt. So i let him go I let him tell what he wanted to his friends. needless to say that was no good I have had to call the cops on him and press charges cause he just went nuts on me cause I was not taking him back. He changed his number cause he said i was calling him but i wasn’t. I really thought it was me and I thought maybe he was right I was too controlling but I have tried to think of what I did wrong. When we meet he had nothing, while we where together I gave him everything he needed not wanted but needed, when he wanted to go he Left with nothing. When i think about it i wander if it is me or just the company I attract.

I courted my first lover for a period of months. Finally he asked me to go home with him. I was fucking in love with this guy. I would do whatever he wanted me to. I was in paradise & we had a circle of friends that were very good. We bought a house, after renting a couple of apartments & everything was looking wonderful. Then he started seeing other guys & not coming home some nights. We had a big fight, nearly ruined the house & he said he wanted to be free. I agreed to move into the second bedroom, hoping he would come back to me. I was wrong & he started to bring guys home & take them to bed in OUR bed. I was devastated & attempted suicide (which obviously didn’t work). I moved out & got another apartment by myself. It took years for me to get over him. He was beautiful, kind, loving & I adored him. That was a long time ago. I’ve had another lover since him, but not like the emotional one I had with him. It lasted for several years, but ended when he wanted to go back with a kid he worked with some time ago. I’m now with number 3. We’ve been together 34+ years. The sex is gone, but we fit each other. I’m going to find a fuck-buddy to fulfill my sexual desires & he is agreeable to that. We will be together until we die & that’s good.

I met my now douchebag ex-bf in 2009 when I was facing eviction from my apartment after losing my job when my workplace closed, I was staying at a group home and he was my roommate there, he was latino with big brown bedroom eyes and what at the time seemed like a nice personality, we were having sex together and everything was good, eventually he was moving out of the group home and into an apartment that he leased and he called me because we exchanged phone numbers and he invited me to move in with him and I accepted, after the first month he started showing his true psycho side and being paranoid of everyone and thinking I was cheating on him, his last boyfriend did cheat on him and I think a physical confrontation occurred but he would not tell me any details of what happened so I am only guessing there, he became verbally abusive, controlling, having mood swings like day and night, I was nuts over this guy so I stuck it out even though it was bad at times, and after almost 2 years together he says to me one morning out of the blue: “I want to live alone” and he calls the Chicago Police and asks for officers to come and escort me and my belongings out of the building, since my name was not on the lease I had no choice but to go, I spent 2 months in a homeless shelter till I got accepted into a housing program and they helped me to get the great apartment I currently live in, have not seen or heard from the douche bag and hope he is miserable for what he put me through, yeah I have unresolved issues, who wouldn’t but I am happier than I was when I was with him, some friend of mine who are in the medical profession said that what I described about his behavior sounded like he was bi-polar and either off his meds or not being treated for it.

Yikes, I just had sex with my ex boyfriend last night… He still wants to get back together but I’m not sure. He got upset that I was talking to other guys after I broke up with them. He was even more upset to find out this other guy I’m interested in is Latino as well … Plus he threatened to cut off my dick if I cheated on him… And then he tried to look through my phone…. The sex was great, but I doubt that I’ll be able to go back to him.

I have a partner that he wanted open relationship we have seperate bedrooms and we haven’t had sex since 2010 I feel like we are no more than just roommates we both hook up with other guys but I want to hsve a guy that I can cuddle and kiss in my bed at night I think that is what a partner is for but he thinks buying me things is enough I would give all that away to find someone that wants to share my bed with and would be happy with just me

This,story is not always the case, I am in this situation. Me and my ex broke up while I,was trying to go back to school and after I was working to pay him back money that he lit me to buy a car I,lost my job for about 6 mths and I got depressed. But during that time I focused on me and I let go of our relationship along time ago because I want him to be happy. And I figured out why I was depressed its a long story. But during this time he’s and more boy in and out of his bed room It just confirms he was not ready for a real relationship. Me I keep it real if I see some one it just a fuck. Him he dates them for a while and then there gone, or they last a,few weeks and we get along just fine he does him I do me. But once I pay him back I’ll be off on my own like I was before i met him. But him having diffrent guy here and there don’t make me jelouse at all I just laugh and say to my self boys you’ll never have as good as I did. Lol I’m sure all the stuff he done for me he’ll never do for any of the new one we were together 3 yrs.

And you wonder why straight society hates gays. Those of us who lend to this behavior and insist upon parading in the streets naked, do nothing but undermine those of us who who do not. For god sake, when are we going to get our sh– together losers?

There are a number of front end issues that got the OP here in his fix. He started dating a guy who was pretty fresh out of a relationship. The two of them started their “dating” pretty quickly after meeting. The guy the OP decided to start dating was living with his ex. All of these items pretty well secured the idea of their being issues in the new relationship.

Waiting 3-6 months between a relationship’s end and dating is smart. Casual dating (yes, it can be exclusive if there’s no one else in the picture) for atleast 3-6 months before making anything (we’re “dating”; we’re “a couple” etc.) is smart. Not moving in until you’ve been dating atleast six months is smart. Not living together if you’re not dating is smart (this may be tricky while there’s a need for one of the partners to find a new place to live or for a lease to expire, etc.).

The issue here is taking the time to see if the relationship is running on more than just hormones and sex before making long term plans. Anyone who is going to pull the “we’re dating” lever or who moves in with someone before knowing them well, can’t complain when they do find out the two of them aren’t a match. This also means if/when they do break up, it’s before any hate and loathing begins because they stayed in a “toxic” relationship so they can remain civil acquaintances.

OMG!!! I HAVE THE SAME ISSUE with my ex. He has made it his mission that I cannot date anyone but yet he continues to go to the bar and picks up twinks. He found out I had a profile on here and was cyber stalking me! Lol. He now has his false stats on here. When he would find out of the guys im went and hung out with he would lash out as well as follow me when I would leave the house……. him and I are 16 years apart.

We jave been broken up for about a year now and I saw him at the local bar and as I am walking in he and a twink are at the door and he looks at me and tells the guy to hurry up and give him the number lol. I abundantly laugh and proceeded in. As the night peogressed I went to the only other gay bar in the city to play pool. He begins to text me “Hey babe” lmao.

Idk what it is but the dude fucked up and cant understand. He is just a drunk though or has those baggage of issues that I cant deal with.

yeah this can be a sticky situation to deal with because some dont know how to move on and they see what they want to see and have strong feelings.i had my heart broke here recently by some one i had really grown to love and know and he told me what i t was and i didnt listen til the very day he dumped me and stop dealing with me now we dont even talk anyore i miss him and think about him all the time but he will never be mine and i haave to live with that so yeah i say if you putting love loyalty trust and honesty in and not getting it back leave cause somebody aint being faithful

You want to talk crazy… I was with my ex for four years (the worst four years of my life). A few months after we broke up he called and told me my dog died and to send him money for his cremation. Lie! Who does that? He was evil in every sense of the word. A YEAR later he called and added himself to my credit cards and charged thousands of dollars. Needless to say it was a mess. Fuckin’ psycho.

“Sorry but they are called EX’s for a reason. I really don’t get why anyone would want to spend time with someone they have “removed” from their life unless there is no way around it…”

Mature and secure people do it all of the time. Of course I do know that those kind of people are pretty rare in the gay community, where so many prefer to turn the end of their relationships into childishhateful melodramas (fed by their own self hatred) rather than be mature, civilized adults.

I hate to say this but i was in a VERY similar situation recently & have to say this: 1) the dude ur dating owned & payed for the house he and the ex- were in correct? if so was the ex- bf someone he fell in love with and had unsettled issues with due to say…. a decided lack of communication of the verbal type? and if so whats to say that the ex- didn’t play on that hoping to break the 2 of you up because of his own unresolved feelings for ur boyfriend, his ex-? cause i’ll tell ya honestly my friend jack and i were great friends years ago, i made a mistake in trusting ppl i should not have and not trusting him with a truth i should have causing us to have “issues”… after he and i broke up i went to spend time with my friend named bill who i thought of as a gre8 friend and because of his personality and character also had potential for more. i was all confused over the situation i had with jack, needed someone to talk to, and bill was there for me as always…. only for once without a chick on his arm…. and as we spent time togeather my confusion about what had happened with me and jack lessened from talking to bill & i began to notice HIM more than i had before… untill he couldn’t stop thinking i was still on a rebound from someone that had never told me he was gay let alone interested (regardless of what i felt, i had no idea how he felt so couldn’t call it a relationship, just a friendship without any benifits beyond friends (more than enough i admit but a relationship has certain physical aspects as well….)). skip years later, my boy bill and i are seemingly togeather untill he moves to phoenix w/ baby’s mamma to work on their shit, enter the old ex… knocking on my bedroom window after having been beaten up and jumped, needing to lay down… skip ahead, now bill comes back down, acts jelous but normal to a degree… while jack is saying and doing things he doesn’t see to lead me on…. long story short i overheard jack telling someone about me and bill saying ” yeah and i WAS that Jackwagon that threw the wrench into that and killed it….” or words to that effect. so in effect jack couldn’t stand me being happy with someone he felt was good looking and cool & used his knowledge of how deep down i still felt for him as he was the 1st person i fell in love with & bec of all the confusion arising from what had happened with us b4 was able to worm between me and bill to a degree that when all was said and done, while i loved bill, it was more of a brotherly love with a physical attraction at the time (specially after he moved to phoenix with his baby’s mamma & she was insisting they were togeather where as i am a 1 guy guy & don’t get with anyone that i know has a significant other) whereas jack was my first love and it ended with so much confusion that i wasn’t really sure he was even gay by the time i had started chillin with bill. and all of us were friends but the lies and secrets were what put stress on everything & then bill (who had every right to feel as he did) just didn’t understand that it was his friend jack not i that had manipulated events to look one way when the reality was a whole nother….

I’m ashamed to admit some of this, but it’s anonymous so here goes. Seems like lots of stories on here. My ex was oh so sweet, super-charming. He shut down all his online profiles within the first few weeks we were dating. Impressed me. No one had ever done that for me without my prompting (e.g., Hey, we’re in a relationship, ain’t it time to quit flirting with other guys); he did that completely voluntary… Awesome romance, and we fucked like rabbits… You know the good stuff.

Fast-forward (but not too far forward, it only lasted 8 months) to the break-up. We were yelling and arguing, and I’m normally mild-mannered. I can’t remember ever yelling at a previous boyfriend. Yelling just ain’t me, reflecting on that brought me to my senses. It was clear he was bringing me down more than I was bringing him up. And the relationship had grown abusive in every sense of the word. It wasn’t until I was gone (and refusing contact except thru a sane 3rd party) for 3 solid days that my head cleared. I understood Rihanna and battered women I knew personally (he never bruised me or even tried to hit me, he knew better, he might have a slight edge on me but he knew it would be coming right back at him, he did put his hands to my throat, which I removed, that was the very end [we had broken up every other week for a month or two before that final night], I left and never came back) you don’t get into abusive relationships overnight, they degrade slowly, you love them so you try to help, but you’re not helping, you’re enabling, but you can’t see that until you make a complete break and stay away from their bad influence for several days.

He tried various harassment techniques over the next month to try and get me riled up so I would come over and argue with him long enough to give in and make up. (He was a charmer, and so good looking.) I stayed away. Then he tried the lovey-dovey approach. I’ll give it to him he was persistent, but so was I. I finally had to block him from my phone and threaten a harassment communication charge coupled with a protection order. He got the point. He didn’t want the sheriff showing up at his place lest they discover something else. Yeah, can’t believe I let myself be around criminal activity, but I didn’t know it was going on at first.

Oh, worst part. We were in a relationship. We got tested and then didn’t let anything come in between us. There’s a lot more out there than HIV. He gave me anal warts, which those are almost gone, and Hepatitis C which I’m still being treated for. And I found odd names in odd places on my laptop. He was cheating. Sad.