Preakness spoken here. THE NON-FAN'S GUIDE TO RACE WEEK

RACE AT A GLANCE: Field for middle jewel of racing's Triple Crown nearly complete: Olympio, Strike the Gold, Best Pal, Bashful, Dopey, Grumpy, Sneezy and Doc.

TODAY'S PROFILE: Hansel. Although the favorite, Hansel finished 10th in Kentucky Derby, leading to speculation race was "fixed" in bizarre pact with blood sister Gretel, currently on lam from authorities. Incredibly slow horse is expected to finish Saturday's race sometime Sunday afternoon.

HEARD AROUND THE BARNS: Jockey Chris McCarron ballooned to 117 pounds before diet of mustard greens and tap water got weight down to more manageable 115. McCarron also chided by local truant officer for "not being in school like the other seventh-graders."

REQUEST DENIED: Ancient Native American Tonto will NOT ride equally ancient palomino Scout in 116th Preakness, but will conduct a tomahawk-throwing exhibition in infield instead.

INFIELD UPDATE: Patrons will be asked to sign unusual insurance waiver, absolving track from liability due to tomahawk injuries.