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Alright, sit down little pimps and pimpettes, lemme explain this to your face: this guy is a goddamn sexual Tyrannosaurus Rex riding a spaceship to the Moon made completely out of Blackjack and hookers (The Moon, not the spaceship). So much so that I've taken the liberty to compile this list so's you can understand it! It's called:

Why is Nacht such a badass motherfucker who I should simultaneously fear and respect?

Now I know some acute motherfucker's gonna be like, "Oh, fearsome Nacht, wasn't Blighttown such a shithole in Demon's Souls?"

Lemme explain to you just how magnificent Blighttown gonna be:

=It's gonna be underneath the goddamn Sun Cathedral. How much more pimping could you possibly get without decking the whole place in purple and gold and giving every pimply-ass manchild a fucking cane?

=Primary transportation: Vines. That's fucking right, every citizen of Blighttown is gonna be a regular Tarzan, but with FUCKING CIVILITY

=Primary lighting: Fucking sunroofs. You bet your ass you read that right, while you're thanking the Goddamn Sun for letting you live so far, you can look under your feet and pray that one day you get to live in a goddamn utopia that's even half the manly god-city that is Blighttown.

=Primary housing: Alright, fuck, they're like smallish caves, but they're gonna be cozy as fuck caves. Who needs a goddamn 10x10x10 block for a bed and a chest anyway - Rosie O'Donnell?

=I ain't gotta tell you any more shit, aight? This is some grade A hints I be giving to the future, you best bow to the future seer before he sees his foot going up yo ass.

Blighttown's a fucking long trip away from spawn, like I'm talking thousands of blocks away.

Who's the guy who settled the unconquered frontier? This guy. How he managed this feat:

=Firstly, he's a goddamn sexual Tyrannosaurus Rex, as mentioned previously. But did you also know that this guy's such a baller, Snoop'd be all "Damn, son, gotta get baller like this motherfucker."

=Secondly, he's like Rambo with a diamond sword. He made it that far with 16 slices of watermelon and stone tools, and it only took him three cycles. Not to mention the fact that this bro had enough watermelon left over to make a FUCKING FARM. You know what people called other people who did shit like that? PIONEERS, BITCH

=Speaking of Rambo, this dude's a walking massacre. Ain't a mob he hasn't tried to kill that he hasn't succeeded at doin' so. This one time, a fucking wizard chicken tried to phase through his workshop and Nacht was all "Hell no, bitch." And he punched it in the goddamn face like a pro. Lemme check how many times he's died. Oh look at that, the numbers about the same as HOW MANY FUCKS NACHT GIVES (Not counting that one time a creeper committed some serious-ass bullshit by spawning inside a holy cathedral, the punk)

=He even found a fucking abandoned mineshaft right below his workshop (man look at how lucky this guy is - like a lotto winner from Alabama) and conquered ALMOST ALL OF IT, ain't even cave spiders gonna stop him.

=Finally, but absolutely not lastly: Even though he an op (yeah, you watch your ass), he's gonna do everything in survival, because he isn't a cheating asshole like other people might assume.