Kaila Charice

Normal?

Whenever I hear “normal” I just think “old school.” “Normal” holds a lot of judgment. If something is normal, then it must be okay right? Deviation from the norm holds a dirty stigma.

Times change. Without change we wouldn’t evolve. Change is scary, but it’s one of those necessary evils. I grew up in a time when it seems like there isn’t a “norm” anymore. Everyone has taken on this sense of individualism, and I think it’s great. I’m not sure how I would feel about it if I grew up 50 years ago, but I was raised to believe that everyone has a right to her own opinions, thoughts and preferences; both of my parents are liberal in that sense.

So, given my upbringing and liberal beliefs about society, I try to refrain from making assumptions about people. That old saying, “Never judge a book by its cover” comes to mind now. People are full of surprises‚— hell, I doubt when someone sees me walking down the street they think I’m a 24-year-old college graduate. They probably think I’m a 19-year-old with a trust fund, but that’s just not the case — ha!

Today I was talking with someone from out of state, and I told her I’d visited her town before with a guy I dated a couple of years ago, and she replied, “Oh, I know how that is — I moved out there because of that!”

We kept chatting while waiting on someone to join us, and I asked, “So, you moved for a boy as well?” and she replied, “A girl.” I hated myself for assuming she was in a heterosexual relationship. Why did I do that?

I don’t believe that being straight is normal, so what made me think that this woman I’d never met before had the same sexual preference I do? I think she realized I was just trying to make small talk, and we continued our conversation, but I still felt bad for making the assumption I did.

Assumptions come from relation, not necessarily what we think is normal. I was trying to relate this woman’s experience to my own. I wouldn’t consider my beliefs and preferences normal or abnormal, they’re simply my own.

It’s like when holiday season comes around and everyone asks me what I’m doing for Christmas, and I reply that I’m Jewish and don’t celebrate Christmas. I don’t take offense to them assuming, even though I wear a Star of David around my neck — I just wonder why we have these assumptions. People seem to be more free and outspoken these days, and I don’t feel like being gay (or Jewish for that matter) are a deviation from the norm at all. I don’t think it’s okay to say that there even is a “norm” when it comes to things like sexual preference or religion.

I’m not judgmental over anyone’s sexual preference. I have family members who are gay, friends who are gay, friends who are straight, and friends who are bisexual. Not to mention I work in an industry known to be dominated by homosexual men, so in my world there is no such thing as a “normal” sexual preference.

For the record, I do not believe that sexual preference has any bearing on whether or not you’re a good person — that is determined more by one’s morals and actions, but we’ll save that for another column.

Yesterday’s definition of “normal” is thrown out by our ever-growing non-conformist society. The assumptions of today may be related to “old times,” but in the world we’re in now, they seem more like fictions. Defining normal, although Merriam-Webster may give several definitions, seems impossible. While something may be “common,” that doesn’t make it normal. In today’s world, that word just doesn’t apply.