Feeling: Floating, disconnected, disassociated.

So lately, I have been surprising myself quite a bit…..a random, every day occurrence seems so “amazing” to me. It sounds wonderful, but it is actually a very uncomfortable feeling. I feel disconnected with myself.
When in fact, I think this is the opposite. I think I am finally beginning to BE myself and that is VERY stranger like to me. I have for years pretended to be someone else. Yes really, but not really. I’m not saying I went around lying saying I was a doctor, ran 50 marathons, etc, BUT instead I would tell people YES all the time , even if it were something I did not want to do, enjoyed, or looked forward to. Many years of this really caused me to loose myself completely, and I became a stranger to myself.
I understand that all of my recent “hard work” and self discovery is confusing for others. To them, I probably seem like a stranger NOW, yet this is really the real ME

So it is uncomfortable to know that people do not like certain aspects of me, but all in all, this is me. I have to accept it, but others do not. Everything in life is a choice. I am choosing to continue to work, grow, build and strengthen the person i am.

Fave: Yoga

I found a new yoga studio that I love, love, love!

What I love even more? How my body feels after a week of it. For once in my life, I am finally doing something for my body that is NOT calorie burning related. I am actually practicing yoga for my mind AND to strengthen and rebuild my weak muscles (hamstring in particular)

Lately, I have not been feeling well physically. I am certain stress plays a factor, but so does, being on my feet, sitting in “little person” seats, not properly taking care of “ME”, etc, etc. So I took initiative and want to feel better so that I can perform better, participate in activities I want to do/learn, and NOT for the fact of burning calories! This is HUGE for me! I am really proud of myself and love the way I am feeling!

Current favorite pose: Downward facing dog

Current yoga tool I am loving: This yoga bolster

OMG! How did I never know about this? I have major lower back pain (My lower back really curves in, So I have difficulty laying flat on my back, I arch) My new yoga instructor recommended I try this under my legs when laying down and WOAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH it works!
Next, I will try a block for seated poses.

I will admit, in the past, I have avoided any type of yoga tools for fear they would make me look “weak”…..well how stupid was I!? By avoiding the tools I NEEDED, I actually became weak! No more, I do not care what others think, they can judge (which the won’t because they are too concerned about themselves) But I will no longer put my needs aside in hopes of “looking good” for others ❤

Feeling: Proud

I have the best students this year. Little do they know, they are teaching me SO much. Today I experienced THEM taking pride of themselves and feeling great about themselves. This truly is such an amazing feeling. It brought tears to my eyes, something which has as of late been very infrequent……..I feel like my feelings are coming back ❤

Fave: Goals

In the past I have set pretty high and unrealistic goals for myself. I am learning to slow things down and set smaller, more specific goals.

Some of the goals I have:

Give Lily the “hot dog” 5-10 minutes of “us” time. Where I just focus on her and pet her, brush her, play, etc. I do not do this enough. I am so grateful to have her in my life. She is such an amazing little pup. She is my walking partner, my cuddle buddy, my anger management. She is always there for me in subtle ways. The LEAST I can do is “notice” her more ❤

talk to and LISTEN to someone with my full attention once per day.

eat when my body feels hungry, even if I think it will pass, or I can “just wait” a little longer

Break things down into tasks, specifically for my students. I WANT them to learn and be successful, yet I want it NOW. I have to realize that learning does not happen over night and that I need to build them up to where I want them to go. Even if that means going back a few (or a lot ) of steps.

notice one thing in “Nature” every day (This morning I saw a fox on my way to work!!!)