Four Ways Parents Can Protect Their Kids from Sexting

Members of the Cañon City High School football team here in Colorado allegedly exchanged and collected hundreds of nude photographs of more than 100 students. Some of the students photographed were in middle school. And it seems all of this was part of a competition where points were assigned per picture.

As a colleague remarked, if this type of scandal is occurring in a small town like Cañon City, you know it’s happening all over America. In fact, experts are warning the practice of sexting, or sending sexually explicit content and photographs via smartphones, is becoming commonplace. One psychologist called it “the new flirting.”

As I’ve written before, when it comes to sexting, some boys who engage in the practice don’t even realize they’re being hostile or demeaning.

To me, it’s pretty evident the over-sexualization of our culture continues to bear its ugly fruit. We’re seeing it here at Focus – not a week goes by that our counselors and family help specialists don’t hear from numerous people who are hurting because of sexual sin.

Young people are especially vulnerable to the hookup culture and casual view of sex. Many kids have been exposed to pornography from a very early age. They never learned what is good, healthy and God-ordained, so they’re trying to navigate their sexuality without a map.

What’s a parent to do to prevent their children from sexting and adopting an unhealthy view toward sex in general? Our counselors recommend four things:

1. Provide children and teens with clear boundaries around technology use.

The culture will tell you it’s no big deal for a teen to have full access to a smartphone, or that 14-year-olds need “privacy” from their parents.

I beg to differ.

A smartphone is a virtual “loaded weapon” to a young person brimming with curiosity and hormones, and struggling against peer pressure. Think of sexting as today’s “stranger danger.”

During the teenage years, a child is less capable of long-term thinking, so they have less of a “braking system” when excitement and arousal occurs. As one of our counselors explains, that rush causes a surge of dopamine, a neurotransmitter, in the brain that in turn causes the child to get “hooked” on sexting and pursue further risks in this area.

Parents can help their children avoid this chain reaction by limiting and filtering their children’s access to smartphones and the Internet. For example, you can get your child a “dumb phone” – a phone that does nothing more than send and receive calls. You can require a phone to stay in your room overnight so you can review all the content daily and also help your teen avoid the temptation of texts in the wee hours of the morning. Some companies offer parental controls that help moms and dads limit their teen’s texting and monitor their phone use.

2. Stay up-to-date with trends.

One way the students in Cañon City High School hid their sexually explicit – and potentially criminal – images from their parents and teachers was by using secret “photo vault” apps. Some of these apps “are designed to disguise their true function,” according to news reports. “One app looks and works like a regular calculator, but enter the correct password and a cache of hidden photos and videos appear.” The good news is some smartphone family plans have settings that allow parents to review every app a child downloads.

Another way kids hide their online actions from parents is through the use of Internet acronyms. While we know “LOL” means “laughing out loud,” most moms and dads don’t realize “GNOC” means “get naked on camera” or “PIR” means “parent in room.”

3. Be the one who teaches your kids about sex.

Protecting your child from the dangers of technology is important, but the best inoculation parents can provide their children is a solid Christian worldview when it comes to sex and sexuality. Beyond simply communicating an abstinence message or one that emphasizes averting eyes, give your children the gift of a whole-person view of sexuality that includes the body, mind and spirit.

Teach them spiritual truths that will help them know both what to think and how to think about sexuality. Help them understand the beauty of God’s plan, from each of us being created in His image, to the wonder and uniqueness of male and female. We want them to be able to see the incredible purpose of marriage and how it reflects Christ and the Church.

All of us struggle with stewarding our sexuality appropriately. That’s why, when talking about these matters, parents would be wise to couch the lessons in the Gospel message. Remind your child there is forgiveness in Christ for all of us who have fallen short of the mark, including those who have sinned sexually. The Bible is full of redeemed sexual sinners, like the woman at the well, the woman caught in the act of adultery, and the members of the church in Corinth.

4. Teach your child how to reason and think.

Don’t just teach your child about sexuality, ask questions that get him or her to think and apply their own mental reasoning and brakes. Beyond just handing them the answers and telling them to follow the rules, use current events in the news as opportunities to ask questions and help them think through the consequences of their choices.

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Leave a Comment

Anonymous

More than 1 year ago

First, I want to thank you for all you are doing to get the word out about the dangers of smartphones in the hands of teenagers! Undoing the exposure to pornography - especially for boys - is nearly impossible! We thought we were reasonably safe because we had parental controls on the phone, parental controls on the firewall AND we were doing random checks of the phone. But as you can see by the many comments already posted here, there are all kinds of "tools" available. The peddlers of pornography want to be sure that there wears can be accessed. There are apps that look like games (or other stuff like, calculators) that are actually vaults and "web crawlers" that fool the parental controls. There is also VPN which allows point to point access. Maybe we should have taken the phone away permanently but these days, kids use the phones to access their assignments, take notes or pictures of notes on the board, get texts from the coaches, and sometimes the teachers. Our son also uses his for navigation to find his way to golf tournaments. We now removed access for him to download apps of any kind through the phone service - sure wish I had known that service was available! We also have our network programmed to shut down automatically at 9pm. Finally, we have our son in Christian counseling to assist him in "kicking his habit" which I believe he really wants to do but let's face it - in this warped culture we live in it is going to be extremely difficult. If I had it to do over, I would have purchased a simple flip fon. Even this is hard now. I looked yesterday and most of the flip phones come with internet access. I like the idea of taking the phone away at night. This is when most of the bad behavior with the phones is occurring.

Anonymous

More than 1 year ago

My children are young still, so I am not facing this challenge yet, but can anyone tell me why so many parents are buying and paying for their children to have smartphones? Do they need them? Besides the dangers associated with them, is it healthy for our children's development to provide them with this portable screen to constantly have their noses in? Isn't it ok for kids to be unavailable and even bored sometimes? It all seems so unhealthy to me, I'm not surprised we're seeing more and more problems arising.

Amanda Bush

More than 1 year ago

We have 3 teens 14, 15 and 16. Youngest 2 being boys. We do not allow ours to have smart phones, they share an old flip phone when they have after school activities to call us when they are done. However, the 15 year old boy is my step son and his mother gave him her old smart phone. We found porn and sexting a young girl through texts. I was sick when we found it on there, we took the phone away as punishment, but his mother threatened us to get her phone back. We gave it to her but not to him, and she gave it back to him the very next weekend she had him, as we have majority of custody. I was horrified and angry and her response was," not her problem." She didn't even talk to him about it. I took pictures of the screen for proof later. Some parents really just don't care and don't get involved in their kids lives, it's very very sad.We are looking into what we can do, but Smartphones give young children way too much freedom and access to inappropriate content.

Jacqui Hausoul

More than 1 year ago

A good parental control app is found at www.qustodio.com.

NetSmartz had excellent online training on how to help your kids be careful of things like sexting. It also shows parents how to watch what their children are watching and how to put parental controls on their WiFi, Internet and smart devices.

LoriW

More than 1 year ago

I don't think being a phone nazi is the answer. Pictures can be sent on flip phones. We bought our kids basic cell phones, while their friends had smart phones. Eventually they used their own money to buy the phone that they desired. We made it clear that at any time, we could look at their phones and read their texts. Although we rarely did. And we took it away as punishment for bad attitudes and other offenses. The voice of James Dobson is ringing in my ears from years ago. Words that echoed in my mind from the time our children were small and as our now grown kids were teens. I don't remember his exact words, but remembered the idea many times thru the years. The idea is to let the leash out a little at a time. Trusting them in small ways first, giving them bigger responsibilities and more freedom as they grow. That idea and also basically, if you buy them things that are more appropriate for older kids, then they have nothing to look forward to. I don't live under the assumption that I know all about my kids lives now and think they don't make mistakes, but they both have proven to be level headed and have made good choices. I guess in light of the behavior of those kids in that small town in Colorado, if my kids were at that age now, I would probably not change the way we gave them cell phones but would openly monitor them more closely. And maybe check into one of those apps. But I would definitely make it clear that owning a cell phone is a privilege not a necessity and that I have the right to check theirs at any time.

Misty Watson

More than 1 year ago

A few years ago I caughter my daughter with a very inappropriate photo of her boyfriend. I asked a friend of mine who is a police officer about this. It is a FELONY to distribute or receive naked photos of anyone under 18, even if the "child/teen" sends it themselves. It is consider child pornography! Beware!

Anonymous

More than 1 year ago

Here's my own four ways:

1. Don't get them a smartphone!

2. Don't get them a smartphone!

3. Don't get them a smartphone!

4. Don't get them a smartphone!

Kids that young don't need a smartphone, if they even need their own phone at all! If they want to talk to someone, let them use their parents' cell phone/landline! I don't care if it is 2015; kids don't NEED smartphones! Parents just need to stand up again and say no!

Anonymous

More than 1 year ago

Not the best option, best is to be an example, if they love and respect you if you are part of their life they will listen and learn from you.

Anonymous

More than 1 year ago

I have a 12 year old boy who has a smart phone. Before I allowed him to use it I researched different parental control programs that are specifically designed just for smartphones. I found a very inexpensive program that allows me to control just about everything. Not only that but I am able to see all text messages both sent and received whether he deletes them or not. Also, His phone has my acct and he doesn't have the password. If he wants an app I have to approve it first.

Anonymous

More than 1 year ago

Can I please tell me what this app is? We've been searching for one...

Anonymous

More than 1 year ago

I'm also interested in what app you're using! Trying to find one that's a winner is a daunting task, especially when most of those with features like you mentioned are paid apps. Thanks in advance!

Terri Johnson

More than 1 year ago

Please tell me the name of the app/parental control that you used for your smartphone, We have a 14 yr old and sure could use some help--TerriJ1957@yahoo.com

Darrell Marsh

More than 1 year ago

We have a 14 year old song and 16 year old daughter. Phones go into a central area each night and we check texts. Although we have good kids and pray they would never have hidden apps as mentioned in the article, it is imperative that we stay current and involved in our kids' media lives so that temptation doesn't "get the best of them". Thank you for that great reminder!

Teresa Igo

More than 1 year ago

At 11 my daughter got her first phone mostly because she was home alone for about 30 minutes in the morning before the bus came. We had an incident where she sent a picture to a boy not undressed but not all the way clothed. She now has a very cheap phone that she can only text or call on. The only drawback to that is that we can't read the texts because she deletes them. We don't have a home phone it was getting too expensive. and the phone plans we have now are cheaper for all 3 of us that the home phone was.

Andrew Robinson

More than 1 year ago

An iPhone can be locked down significantly - along with your carrier. My daughter cannot get apps on her own and who she can text has to be authorized by me. I said no to both Snapchat and her own e-mail address.

Sharon Young

More than 1 year ago

I have seen ads for "phones for seniors" that have large buttons and only make calls (I don't know if they have text capability or not). Another possibility is a limited function phone like Tracfone (my husband and I both have this) where you can do basic texting and simple camera use but not a lot of internet stuff.

Carol Gonzalez

More than 1 year ago

I had one of the "senior phones" and you can send text messages on it, also take pictures.

Brian Smith

More than 1 year ago

We use iCloud to get all texts from my daughters phone on our iPad and we review it daily. Also need to limit social media and whatever account you provide your kids you need to be the first one to follow. Even still those accounts should be checked from the kiddos devices.

Mary Kirchner

More than 1 year ago

I have tried to find a dumb phone but this is challenging - might have to find a used one on-line

Anonymous

More than 1 year ago

Here's an idea you might consider.... We got our 10-yr-old son a smartphone this summer (primarily so we could communicate w/him if needed while he's on the bus or after school). It's an Android phone thru Verizon (& we subscribe to their FamilyBase service), and everything is "somewhat" connected to my gmail account. Meaning, I installed all the apps I wanted on his phone, disabled apps I didn't want him to have access to (under "App details" there's a "disable" option), and then REMOVED my gmail account from the phone. Without an email account associated with it, nothing can be downloaded. Apps I disabled include the Verizon bill pay (comes preinstalled so it can't fully be removed), Chrome, and YouTube. Periodically, I reassociate my email to the phone to run updates and install any game/app he's wanting. One other nice thing - even though Chrome is disabled, he can still connect to WiFi (for some of his games, etc). I know this isn't foolproof - he could secretly set up an email account - but it's working for now, and it seems to be a good interim step as trust is being earned. I'm looking into a paid app for more "nosey" abilities.

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Daly Focus

Jim Daly is a husband, father and President of Focus on the Family and host of its National Radio Hall of Fame broadcast. His blog, Daly Focus, is full of timely commentary and wisdom designed to help you navigate and understand today’s culture. His latest book is Marriage Done Right.