Not what it sounds like.

No, I Don’t Have a Twitter Account

Certain people—you know who you are—have been asking me whether I have a Twitter account. And then asking me why I don’t have a Twitter account, before transitioning smoothly into demanding that I get a Twitter account. People, this is annoying. Twitter is annoying. I am annoyed.

Would it help if I explained my position on this? Here it is: I don’t do brevity. It generally takes me at least twelve hundred words and half a dozen screenshots to properly articulate myself, so I refuse to even consider doing it in 140 characters. For God’s sake, the internet isn’t even supposed to have space restrictions; that’s half the reason I’m here! But, if you absolutely insist, here is your daily dose of stupid: My blog, as it would appear on Twitter.

Like this:

Related

See by not being on Twitter you didn’t see the cool message I just sent out:

“NOOOOO! Sites hacked again! But this time I will exorcise the FTP demons. I will purge the sickness from these magnetic disks.”

That’s right. My sites are down and I needed to share the pain – immediately. That’s what Twitter is. A cathartic release. It allows me to inject my personal pain into the world. It also teaches me how best to deliver that negative payload optimally. I become stronger at killing the world, one internet bullet at a time.

Bravo Veret, it’s good to know there are still people out there who have not given in to twitter peer pressure. I was forced to create facebook and twitter accounts merely to cease the nagging from friends. Now that I’m connected both accounts mostly sit there collecting dust unless I’m compelled to post to prevent ‘mire’ whining. Ever consider that social sites like twitter only became popular because of people trying to “fit” in today’s digital age? Like smoking for geeks.

“Like smoking for geeks” needs to be the tagline for something. And then we could start a S.N.A.R.E. (Social Networking Abuse Resistance Education) public health campaign urging people to Resist Twitter and Facebook, which would probably fail just as badly as the original D.A.R.E. campaign did for drugs, so never mind.

You…you tweeted in reply to a tweet about me to tweet about a post in which I tweeted wrote about how my posts have no place on twitter. Someone is utterly missing the point here, but I’m not entirely sure it isn’t all three of us.

Oh, that reminds me: I should repost that CrispyGamer piece on warthogs and suckitude here, now that it’s finally up. Expect to see that this evening if I don’t forget.