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The long-awaited new U2 album ‘U Wi$h!’ is to be released on a nanochip format to be downjected within next Winter’s flu-jab. The revolutionary hardware connects to auditory receptors in the brain drawing enough energy to power playing of the album on an indefinite loop. [read...]

Industry experts predict a sharp increase in the number of mobile phone users choosing voice calls over text messages for fear of being branded a horrible racist following Apple’s unveiling of a new line of ethnically diverse emoji. [read...]

Apple’s CEO has given his support to alternate sexualities but refused to endorse any music player that refuses to sync with other devices. A spokesman for the global corporation admitted: ‘We need to be tolerant of all MP3 players regardless of brand. [read...]