Perspective

By Seth Kabala

One of my pins says “Drinking rum before 10a makes you a pirate. NOT an alcoholic.” While this statement ranks with “Yes, sir, this serial murderer I just arrested is the same jerkwad who cut you off back there,” I’ll wager whomever originated this pin failed to poll a representative sample of drunks versus actual pirates before reaching the conclusion that alcoholism and pirateering are unrelated.

So am I against drinking? Is this column revealing the new, sober Seth Kabala? God forbid.

What I’m doing is giving you an example of perspective and how your life-position relative to any happening affects your interpretation of said happening. For example, my wife and I were traveling to Kansas City, sans children (Thank ya, Jesus. And Grandma), to visit my sister and brother-in-law. After we’d grown sick of each other’s conversation (those long waited for moments of peace without the kids? Creepy quiet), we opted to listen to Josh Groban.

Josh Groban is fucking awesome–for the most part, until he put out Illuminations. Stealing from Randy Jackson, I thought the album was “pitchy,” which is surprising considering the advances in digital recording and editing technology. Maybe he’d had enough years of being perfect and was going for an atonal outing?

Pitchiness aside, I really liked one song: L’Ora Dell’Addio. Then we got to the chorus, and, to my perspective, Groban went rogue, for it sounded to me like he dropped an f-bomb, though research revealed the words to be “fa piu,” not “fuck you.” I was sorely disappointed.

This got me thinking about perspective. About getting all the facts before jumping to conclusions. Notice, I didn’t say I objected to Groban mixing harsh words into the honey-milk music he produces, but aside from proclaiming how awesome the Kanye West tweets sketch was, that’s a discussion for another day.

When your wife finds rum in your golf bag on the way out for an early-morning round, make sure you tell her about the boat-building project, eye-makeup, and puffy shirt as well. It’s your job to shape her perspective, for rum without a purpose is a sad party of one.