Ninety-year-old relations (other people's, mind you) who can barely remember their own names, but WILL remember to ask you crushing things like, "When are you gonna become a real reporter?" (But I still love 'em. Other people's relations, that is.)

JPM Chase mortgage brokers who say they can get you 5.625%, then send you papers for 5.75%, then lock you in at 6.375%. And you're a "preferred customer"! (Again, this happened to, you know, someone else.)

Guys who promise you Hermes, but only give you herpes.

And mostly: Women who flirt with me in gay bars. Thanks, God. Got anything with an appendage?