I am an executive coach and management consultant who, for over 25 years, was on the faculty of Harvard Medical School’s Department of Psychiatry. During that time I maintained a private psychotherapy practice in Boston where I used techniques of behavioral and psychodynamic psychiatry to treat patients who were professionally successful yet self-defeating. I use the same skill sets today to design interventions that foster the success of entrepreneurs and C-level executives, particularly those at risk for career burnout or engaging in self-defeating behaviors.
My interest in entrepreneurs dates back to 1986 when I realized that their spirit is the only naturally occurring inoculation against the disorders that cause successful people to self-destruct. I began writing about entrepreneurs in Inc. Magazine, and have taught courses on The Psychology of the Entrepreneurial Spirit at USC’s Marshall School of Business and UCLA’s Anderson School of Management.

When A Key Hire Won't Take "NO" For An Answer

One of the key ingredients in the bouillabaisse responsible for entrepreneurial success is perseverance. Getting up when you’re knocked down is, in my view, what distinguishes men like Sir Richard Branson from countless also-rans.

Unfortunately, as with chocolate and Cuban cigars, too much of a good thing is no good. Some folks who don’t take “No” for an answer, e.g. General George M. Custer, die striving for heroic victories. It’s far more adaptive to adopt the attitude Demosthenes did back in 338 B.C., in a battle where the side he was fighting for as an infantryman got its collective butts whooped: “He who fights and runs away will live to fight another day.” Accepting defeat isn’t gallant, but if you are committed to a cause –vs. your personal legacy— fleeing, punting, regrouping, or going back to the drawing board— are adaptive means of serving the cause after adjusting to transient damage to your self-image.

Guys like Demosthenes are, surprisingly, less often pursued by firms than are zealots who, with character traits like Custer’s, evince a propensity to fight to the bitter end. CEOs want game changers and these folks live by the black-and-white credo, “Winners never quit and quitters never win.” You can’t beat that ethos when victory is at hand, but those who espouse it can be huge morale-busting management problem following a defeat.

The sort of guy who won’t take “No” for an answer –the guy who must win since losing is a form of death to him— cares little about the collateral damage done by his perseverance. Actually, a central attribute of these guys is blaming others when things go awry, as if observers are too dumb to realize that they, not colleagues, blew it. If a Key Hire who won’t accept “No” is on your payroll, you know what I mean: “No” to these guys your error, not a cue for them to reassess what they did. I mean, they are thinking “Yes” while you are saying “No,” so who’s got the problem?

Executives who act in this manner call to mind President Obama— the kind of person who, when his programs get shot down via legitimate means, refuses to accept the verdict he’s handed and then circumvents the rules. For example, the “Dream Act” wasn’t approved, so the President declare a partial amnesty. The Supreme Court unanimously sided with Arizona on the issue of checking citizenship status of those apprehended committing a crime. Obama didn’t like what the Supreme Court said so he declared, “Ok, but I won’t allow ICE to cooperate with you.” Like I said, a real management problem.

Tomorrow (6/28/12) when the Supreme Court says “No” to all or part of Obamacare, count on the President to turn a deaf ear to the opinion and proceed apace to the extent humanly possible. If you’re like me, you’ll laugh at the impotent rage evinced by Mr. Obama’s critics: All lathered up while he goes to Hollywood fund raisers and sings R&B.

If you are a CEO who hired a guy like Obama –someone you thought would be a major breath of fresh air and profit generator, but is nothing if not a promise high, deliver low, executive, I present 5 techniques that may enable you to salvage this bad hire from the trash heap of ill-advised investments.

To follow the suggestions that follow you must realize that your Key Hire is a megalomaniac; driven not by ideals, but by a personal need to prevail. He’s talented and able, but self-centered to a fault. This means that there is no punishment you can apply or threaten that won’t evoke a smirk or overt guffaw.

If you accept this caveat and want to steer your talented narcissist toward advancing the greater good –i.e. honoring his contract with you vs. satisfying the demands of his inner demons— what follows may work. What you must note, however, is that to pull off the tactics that follow you will be constantly biting your tongue to control your anger: Avoid Mexican food while employing this program:

Your Tirade Is His Indication That He’s Won.

Children (suffering oppositional defiant disorder) and narcissists both derive enormous satisfaction from what shrinks call “negative attention seeking.” If you try to curtail their behavior they attack you in ways guaranteed to make you lose control. Why? To provide them with proof of their efficacy: If they cannot get what they want, they enjoy preventing you from living as you wish.

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