Sunday, October 23, 2005

Stop Giving Your Boyfriend Money To Fund The Design Of His Robot Day

Stop Giving Your Boyfriend Money To Fund The Design Of His Robot Day!

It's nice that you believe in your man. You have dreams of one day being revered for having stood by him even when the rest of the scientific community called him "a fraud" and "worse than retarded" and "just a guy who delivers beds for Scheinberg Sealy Serta." But he's determined that he has a grasp on AI and with enough funding and enough time, he will build the world's first advanced-functioning robot that will finally break down the wall between sophisticated computational programming and artificial intelligence. You don't know what gives him such strong conviction, but by-gum you're his lady and you're gonna stand by him.

You really shouldn't. You're a smart, attractive woman with the beginning of a good career in your grasp, and, well, not to sing along with the chorus, but he's just a guy who delivers beds for Scheinberg Sealy Serta. Doesn't it ever occur to you that maybe someone with a background in something like Robotics or Science or even College might have a shot at beating him to the big breakthrough in AI. There's this place called "M.I.T" where they do the kind of thing your boyfriend wants to do, and they do it really well. As far as I know, no one there has a concentration in mattress delivery in their Curriculum Vitae.

No one's saying break up with him. But last week you gave him $400 for "the little red light bulbs" he needed to build robot eyes. Today he's going to ask you for $400 more, claiming that he lost the $400 you gave him last week. "I think I dropped it in the park or maybe at the movie theater when I went to see 'Doom.' 'Doom' ruled." Just don't give it to him. You don't have to fight about it. Just say that you're out of money right now because your boss is docking your pay for smoking pot on the job. It happens to him all the time, so he'll buy it. And make sure to take all the cash out of your pocketbook and hide it, because in addition to the money he asks you to give him he also sometimes just roots through your pocketbook for twenties.