www.frankysplace.com webmaster Franky Emmanuel feverishly clicked through a dozen message board threads on his homepage like a dateless man rustling through the Yellow pages for an escort service on a Friday night

"Hey, c'mere. I gotta' show you dis'. I'm really pissed. I set up a website for my family and friends and posted a few pictures from my Sicilian scuba diving vacation last month and stuff. I set up a message board so's my gumba buddies could leave me messages. I only get about 500 hits a month. What da' hell does dis' bacala want with harrassing me for anyhows?"

It seems an outside poster, under the nominer "felonious_chimp" had raided Emmanuel's message board, posting slanderous attacks and lewd language including, 'I CANT TELL THE DOLPHIN FROM YOUR KIDS YOU FATSOS!' and 'IS THAT YOU WITH THE HAIRY CHEST OR YOUR WIFES?'

Emmanuel, a third generation Italian American with rumored ties to the New York mob, smacked his fist into his palm like a stinky provalone cheese ball, ranting

"If I just can get hold of dis' meatball I'll kick the crap out of him so bad he'll need a wheelchair just to get into his other wheelchair. I'd pay a hundred beans just to jack up this silly ass figlio di puttana!"

"felonious_chimp", a 15 year old girl from Germantown, Pennsylvania, had apparently gotten bored while Google referencing for a high school essay about sea mammals, and was not likely to stumble upon Emmanuel's website again in her lifetime.

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