Singhing in the Rain, Deer!

This Vijay Singh/Deer Antler Spray business really is a hack comedian’s dream come true i.e. my dream come true. I could write an article without puns and drum rolls, but where’s the fawn in that!?

For those of you who didn’t already know, Deer Antler Spray is a product marketed by a Florida-based group called S.W.A.T.S., which stands for “Sports With Alternatives To Steroids.” Given that Deer Antler Spray’s listed ingredients included derivatives of Human Growth Hormone and Erythropoietin, it would seem that it is an alternative to steroids in much the same way that Crystal Meth is an alternative to Crack.

Vijay really moose answer some serious questions about these allegations. The Buck has to stop here. I’ll be here all week folks! Don’t try the venison.

See, I didn’t even bother with a “horny” joke.

This latest incident does further damage to Vijay Singh’s reputation amongst golf’s media, who see him as a shifty character at best. There are two reasons for this:

Singh is alleged to have submitted (did, in fact, submit) a false scorecard during an Asian Tour event in Java in 1985. He was subsequently banned from the Asian Tour for two years.

Singh repeatedly parked in the area reserved for golf journalists at Bay Hill in March 2007. When asked to park elsewhere, he told the journalists where to go. A man who cheats on car parking simply CANNOT be trusted.

Oh…and after winning the Masters in 2000, he told the assembled media to kiss his ass. That’s a third reason they dislike him. Three reasons.

So, with this shady past and poor media relationship in mind, this new episode really does fit in with the behaviour expected from a golfer of Singh’s elk. Oh, sorry… I meant “ilk”. (Bad-dum)

Pleading ignorance won’t help Singh here either. Typing “Deer Antler Spray” into Wikipedia re-directs to “Velvet Antler”, the substance the spray is manufactured from. Wikipedia will bring up a page with the opening lines:

“Velvet Antler is a mainstay of Traditional Chinese Medicine…”

Right. And if you put the term “Traditional Chinese Medicine” into Google, you will probably see a result saying:

“’Traditional Chinese Medicine’ is a term most frequently used by lawyers defending athletes during doping allegations…”

Singh’s response was to say that he was “absolutely shocked” to find that the spray may contain a banned substance. This despite Ultimate Sports Spray being on the PGA Tour’s list of banned substances. D’oh! A deer, a female deer.

And what punishment will Singh face if he is found guilty of misconduct? Well, the least the PGA Tour can do is to mark Singh’s card. Experience tells us he can’t even be trusted to do that himself.