Funny Cat Jokes And Puns

Out of all the various animal jokes, we think cat jokes and puns are just purr-fect!

Seriously, we're not kitten you. We love them and think you will too.

So enjoy this collection of claw-somely a-mew-sing cat puns and jokes...

I painted a picture of my cat's feet today.

You could say it was a paw-trait.

Did you hear about the cat who drank 5 bowls of water?

They set a new lap record.

Why are cats scared of trees?

Because of their bark.

My cat swallowed a duck today.

You could say he's a duck-filled fatty puss.

Did you hear about the cat who ate a ball of yarn?

She had mittens.

Where does a cat go when they lose their tail?

The re-tail store.

A couple were going out for the evening. They got ready - showered, all dressed up, cat put out, etc.

The taxi arrived but as the couple left the house, the cat shot back in. They didn't want the cat shut in the house on it's own while they were out, so the wife went out to the taxi while the husband went back inside and followed the cat upstairs to chase it out.

The wife didn't want the taxi driver to know the house would be empty so she told him, "My husband's just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother."

A few minutes later, the husband came out and got into the cab saying, "Sorry I took so long, the stupid old thing was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out."

My two cats had a fight today.

They soon hissed and made up though.

What's the difference between a comma and a cat?

One has the paws before the claws, the other has the clause before the pause.

What's worse than raining cats and dogs?

Hailing taxi cabs.

What do cats eat on hot days?

Mice cream.

A tom cat and a tabby cat were courting on a back fence one evening.

The tom leaned over to the tabby with pent up passion and purred, "I'd die for you!"

The tabby gazed at him from under lowered eye lids and asked, "How many times?"

What's a cat's favorite song?

Three Blind Mice.

Did you hear about the cat who joined the Red Cross?

She became a first aid kit.

What happened when the cat went to the flea circus?

They stole the whole show.

What do you call the cat police?

Claw enforcement.

What do cats eat for breakfast?

Mice Krispies.

What do you get if you cross a cat with a bottle of vinegar?

A sour-puss.

What do you call a confused cat?

Purr-plexed.

What's a cat's favorite TV show?

The evening mews.

What does a cat do when it gets mad?

It has a hissy fit.

What do cats wear to smell good?

Purr-fume.

I think my cat has eaten a duckling.

I can tell by their down-in-the-mouth look.

What do you get if you cross a hungry cat and a canary?

A cat that isn't hungry anymore.

What's a cat's favorite movie?

The Sound of Mew-sic.

What kind of cats like to go bowling?

Alley cats.

How do cats do their shopping.

They use a cat-alogue.

Why did the cat sell its house?

Because the neighborhood had gone to the dogs.

What do you call a pile of kittens?

A meow-ntain.

What do you call it when a cat wins a dog show?

A cat-has-trophy.

What's a cat's favorite magazine?

Good Mousekeeping.

How many cats can you put in an empty box?

One. After that, the box isn't empty.

What looks like half a cat?

The other half.

What do you call a cat who always gets what they want?

Purr-suasive.

What's a cat's favorite color?

Purr-ple.

What do cats use to make coffee?

A purr-culator.

There were 9 cats in a boat and one jumped out. How many were left?

None, because they were all copycats.

What's a cat's favorite book?

The Prince and the Paw-Purr.

What do you call a frightened kitten?

A scaredy-cat.

Why did the cat sit on the computer?

To keep an eye on the mouse.

What do cats wear to bed at night?

Paw-jamas.

What's a cat's favorite athletic event?

The meow-athon.

What's a cat's favorite kitchen implement?

The whisker.

Never try to baptize a cat.

Cat Jokes

If you enjoyed our cat jokes and puns, be sure to check out the rest of site for many more funny jokes too. In particular, we've got lots more animal jokes, including these: