A Celebration of Fright Flicks Old and New, Mainstream and Obscure (with the occasional civilian film tossed in as well)

Monday, August 27, 2012

THE THEATRE BIZARRE (2011) movie review

Theatre
Bizarre, The (2011) (1st viewing) d. Various

After all the hype and build-up over the prospect of six promising horror
directors contributing their talents to an anthology film, the result is a
crashing disappointment – a collection of not-bad shorts that bear no commonality
except their unified missing of presumed dramatic targets.There’s not a true stinker in the bunch
(though Jeremy Kasten’s ridiculously literal, Udo Kier-featuring framing
devices might just as well been left on the cutting room floor), and equally
so, there is not one of the five tales that rises above its middlin’ brethren.

All exhibit squandered promise, and the fault
for the most part lies in the disparate scripts (written or co-written in five
of the six cases by the directors) that lack a true punchy punchline among
them.Richard Stanley’s “Mother of
Toads” has atmosphere galore – and Catriona MacCall – but drives a
frustratingly straight narrative line of a witch bewitching her victims.Buddy Giovinazzo’s “I Love You” has the
opposite problem, wearing a hole in the carpet over its thin breakup story, and
Douglas Buck’s polished “The Accident” lacks any real horror at all, content
with depicting what happens when motorcycle meets Bambi.Tom Savini’s “Wet Dreams” (with script by
John Esposito) comes closest to actually delivering goods promised, as James
Gill continually experiences nightmares of gruesome emasculation; by contrast,
David Gregory’s “Sweets” has little to no story at all –just a calorie-busting
freak show.Karim Hussain’s “Vision
Stains” possesses the most intriguing premise of the bunch – a female serial
killer who steals the intraocular fluid of her victims and injects it into her
own eyes, experiencing her prey’s “life flashing before their eyes” and
documenting these stories – so when it sputters out with only the weakest
EC-inspired comeuppance whimper, it’s doubly disheartening.

Were these student films or rank novices,
expectations might not have been so high, but the roster of talent on board
deserves a higher level of scrutiny, and as such, disappointment reigns.

About Me

Well, during the day I move among you as mild-mannered Aaron Christensen, Chicago actor. But at night, when the popcorn pops full, I transform into my alternate personality Dr. AC, hopeless horror movie nerd-cum-Ambassador of Horror.
However, despite my inclination to discuss monsters that pervade, aliens that invade, creatures of the night, vampires that bite...I'm actually the nicest guy you'll ever meet.