From her book/the Bible Why Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (And Other Concerns):

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“The chorus of ’Jack and Diane’ is: Oh yeah, life goes on, long after the thrill of living is gone. Are you kidding me? The thrill of living was high school? Come on, Mr. Cougar Mellencamp. Get a life.”

“I would rather have someone read my diary than look at my iPod playlists.”

“Sometimes You Just Have to Put on Lip Gloss and Pretend to Be Psyched.”

“What I’ve noticed is that almost no one who was a big star in high school is also big star later in life. For us overlooked kids, it’s so wonderfully fair.”

“If someone called me chubby, it would no longer be something that kept me up late at night. Being called fat is not like being called stupid or unfunny, which is the worst thing you could ever say to me. Do I envy Jennifer Hudson for being able to lose all that weight and look smokin’ hot? Of course, yes. Do I sometimes look at Gisele Bundchen and wonder how awesome life would be if I never had to wear Spanx? Duh, of course. That’s kind of the point of Gisele Bundchen. And maybe I will, once or twice, for a very short period of time. But on the list of things I want to do in my lifetime, that’s not near the top. I mean, it’s not near the bottom either. I’d say it’s right above “Learn to drive a vespa,” but several notches below “film a chase scene for a movie.”

From the interviews she so pleasantly blessed the media with:

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“If I could relive the first three months of courtship over and over for the rest of my life, I would. Especially in winter, who doesn’t like a nice heavy seven-course meal with lots of alcohol, then making out when you’re a little tipsy and taking a cab home to fall asleep in the clothes you wore on the date? Wait. Actually that was, like, my whole 20s. And it was very fun.”- Good Housekeeping, January 2015.

“I’m also the recipient of a lot of backhanded compliments about it, where people are like, ’It’s so nice that Mindy Kaling doesn’t feel she needs to subscribe to the ideals of beauty that other people do.’ And I’m like, I do subscribe. They’re like, ’It’s so refreshing that Mindy feels comfortable to let herself go and be a fat sea monster!’ By the way, I run and work out. It takes a lot of effort to look like a normal/chubby woman.”- Jimmy Kimmel Live!, March 2014.

“I feel the same way about clothes as I do about food. I want everything.- Vogue, March 2014.

“A lot of people ask how to get to where I am, and the single biggest thing, which is not profound, is that I work like a dog. And I work seven days a week. I have done that since forever. I can’t stress that enough. It’s a tedious thing to be successful and people, especially girls, don’t necessarily think that. They think it’s getting someone to do your hair and makeup, and showing up to events.”- Teen Vogue, February 2014.

“More than half the questions I am asked are about the politics of the way I look. What it feels like to be not skinny/dark-skinned/a minority/not conventionally pretty/female/etc. It’s not very interesting to me, but I know it’s interesting to people reading an interview. Sometimes I get jealous of white male showrunners when 90 percent of their questions are about characters, story structure, creative inspiration, or, hell, even the business of getting a show on the air. Because as a result the interview of me reads like I’m interested only in talking about my outward appearance and the politics of being a minority and how I fit into Hollywood, blah blah blah. I want to shout, ’Those were the only questions they asked!'” – Rolling Stone, November 2013.

From The Mindy Project:

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“I have the right to life, liberty, and chicken wings.”

“I just figured if I’m gonna be a mess, I might as well be a hot mess.”