Take my hand and walk with me let me show you what I´m feeling. What´s going on inside of me? Don´t you know you have changed me, don´t you know my wishes all came true? You´re my angel, now I want to do it all for you

Because…

…right here, right now nothing is impossible.

But I have to let things be and when the night is cloudy, there will still be a light that shines on me, shine on until tomorrow, let it be.

And if I´m mad, I’m gonna get mad and not hold it inside. When I´m standing at the crossroads, don´t know which path to choose I´m gonna let you come along.

´cos there will be mountains that I will have to climb. There will be battles that I will have to fight. But victory or defeat, it´s up to me to decide. But how can I expect to win If I never try?

I just can´t give up now. I´ve come too far from where I started from. Nobody told me the road would be easy and I don´t believe He brought me this far to leave me.

But sometimes I cradle my head in my hands and breathe... just breathe, oh breathe, just breathe and I just lay it all down. Put my face into your neck and let it fall out and I know that I don´t have to be in this world alone, you´ll get there somehow. I will learn to breathe this ugliness I see and I will rise out of my nightminds, and into the light at the end of the fight. In our honesty, together we will rise out of our nightminds and into the light at the end of the fight.

So, when I feel like hope is gone I’m gonna look inside and be strong so I´ll finally see the truth. The Shepherd is my soul and I give You full control wherever You may lead I will follow. I have made the choice, to listen to Your voice so wherever You may lead, I will go.

And I never thought I´d feel this wayAnd as far as I´m concernedI´m glad I got the chance to sayThat I do believe I love you

And if I should ever go awayWell, then close your eyes and try to feelThe way we do todayAnd then if you can remember

Keep smilin´, keep shinin´Knowin´ you can always count on me, for sureThat´s what friends are forFor good times and bad timesI´ll be on your side forever moreThats what friends are for

Well, you came and opened meAnd now there´s so much more I seeAnd so by the way I thank you

Whoa, and then for the times when we´re apartWell, then close your eyes and knowThese words are comin´ from my heartAnd then if you can remember, oh

Keep smiling, keep shiningKnowing you can always count on me, for sureThat´s what friends are forIn good times, in bad timesI´ll be on your side forever moreOh, that´s what friends are for

Whoa... oh... oh... keep smilin´, keep shinin´Knowin´ you can always count on me, for sureThat´s what friends are forFor good times and bad timesI´ll be on your side forever moreThat´s what friends are for

Keep smilin´, keep shinin´Knowin´ you can always count on me, oh, for sure´Cause I tell you that´s what friends are forFor good times and for bad timesI´ll be on your side forever moreThat´s what friends are for (That´s what friends are for)

Just lay it all down. Put your face into my neck and let it fall out. I know, I know , I know. I knew before you got home. This world your´e in now, it doesn´t have to be alone, I´ll get there somehow, ´cos I know I know I know when, even springtime feels cold.

But I will learn to breathe this ugliness you seeso we can both be there and we can both share the dark. And in our honesty, together we will rise, out of our nightminds, and into the light at the end of the fight...

You were blessed by a different kind of inner view: it´s all magnified. The highs will make you fly,but the lows make you want to die. And I was once there, hanging from that very ledge where you are standing. So I know, I know, I know, it´s easier to let go.

But I will learn to breathe this ugliness you see, so we can both be there and we can both share the dark. And in our honesty, together we will rise out of our nightminds and into the light at the end of the fight.

...and in our honesty, together we will rise out of our nightminds and into the light... at the end of their fight...

still staring at the computer and have done that since i woke up this morning. yes, still the paper..it´s pretty hard this time..there are so many books and so many theories and things i want to write about. meh. but i´m learning things which is awesome!

want to play the guitar. want to listen to music. want to watch a movie. want to travel. want summer to come...hmm. but i´m sitting on the couch, writing on my paper (except for right now) and i´m tired of it.

bbq tonight. gonna freeze myself to death. or not, because i want to live. but i think it´s gonna be cold. ok, there was no point. or..think it´s gonna be nice. beer. people. vegetarian food. yes. that´s the way to go. veggie.

gaaah. i´m just telling you all random things you probably not are interested in. but i don´t care right now. mouhaha. i´m feeling crazy today (or more than usual).

and i give thanks to my friend L for introducing me to bluegrass. love it. it makes me smile and it´s like when i´m listening to african music. i can´t stand still. have to dance. think i have been an african before i was born as a swede. but bluegrass...mmm. road trips. usa. wanna go back. i will. memories.

midsummer a la ´86, i think.

by the way. sufjan stevens has a song called jacksonville. that made me think about a conversation i had yesterday. yay.

ok. paper here i come..MEH. or should i colour my hair instead?

[update]

i have been thinking a bit more..

we have a personal entertainer here. it´s a street musician and he´s standing pretty close to our apartment. or i can at least hear him pretty good. like it though. but not when i want to listen to other songs or when the store downstairs is playing "I´m Yours" for the twentysecond time of the day...

it´s a fight between my music, the musician and the store. gaaaah. what a problem.

i´m colouring my hair. gaaah. i´m always writing papers in the last minute. it at least feels like that. i have to trick myself. tell myself THIS is the last day of writing. ok. gotta go and take a shower. bbq soon.

Take my hand and walk with me Let me show you what Im feeling Whats going on inside of me Dont you know you have changed me Dont you know my wishes all came true Youre my angel, now I want to do it all for you

Right here, right now Nothing is impossible Right here, right now Im running on a miracle Ive seen youre face, I feel your love and theres nothing I can do Right here, right now My heart, my heart belongs to you

Feels like yesterday to me, yeah When you pass outside my window How youre vision caught my eye, yeah Like in only forever Something made you turn and look at me In a heartbeat, I knew my destiny

Right here, right now Nothing is impossible Right here, right now Im running on a miracle Ive seen youre face, I feel your love and theres nothing I can do Right here, right now My heart, my heart belongs to you

For now and for always Youll be the one I, youll be the one I turn to

Ohhh Right here (Right now) (Nothing is impossible) Right here, right now Im running on a miracle Ive seen youre face and I feel your love and theres nothing I can do (Right here) Right now My heart, my heart belongs to you My heart belongs x2 My heart belongs to you, ohhh (Im running on a miracle) Ive seen youre face and I feel your love and theres nothing I can do Right here, right now My heart, my heart belongs to you My heart belongs to you

have been sitting outside in the sun. the best part: i just wore jeans, converse and a t-shirt. unbelievable. love spring.

will be in uppsala in just a week. yay. love the city. love the people. love the last of april celebration. it will be crazy. seriously..really crazy. like it though. remember last time i was there. january..mmm, good memories.

it has been a special day in many ways today. a lot of goodbyes..it was the final day, last day and i feel relieved and glad, but sad at the same time. will miss them, for sure.

i have heard so many things/thoughts today. gaaah, i was thinking exactly the same just a few months ago..but not anymore. wow. i am not the same. think that´s one of the hardest things in one way. people don´t know me in many ways anymore. kind of sad, even if it´s a good change. complicated and confusing. i am more like Lina but not the same Lina that i used to be.

love this song..

Let it be

When I find myself in times of trouble Mother Mary comes to me Speaking words of wisdom, let it be. And in my hour of darkness She is standing right in front of me Speaking words of wisdom, let it be. Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be. Whisper words of wisdom, let it be.

And when the broken hearted people Living in the world agree, There will be an answer, let it be. For though they may be parted there is Still a chance that they will see There will be an answer, let it be.

Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be. Yeah There will be an answer, let it be. Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be. Whisper words of wisdom, let it be. Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be. There will be an answer, let it be.

Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be. There will be an answer, let it be. And when the night is cloudy, There is still a light that shines on me, Shine on until tomorrow, let it be. I wake up to the sound of music Mother Mary comes to me There will be no sorrow, let it be.Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be. There will be no sorrow, let it be. Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be. Whisper words of wisdom, let it be....

Let it Be from the movie "Across the Universe"

Mmmm. LOVE IT!

i need to let some things just be. Let it be..have to accept things..but it´s hard. really hard.and i know people are telling me the truth.but i can´t see it...gaaaah.

they have reminded me a lot about my past. think that´s good. i need to hear it and it helps me see how much i have changed. played a card game today. a special one where you are suppose to pick a card, think about the word it says, for example shy, and give it to someone you think is shy...you have to think, analyze and tell everybody what you think. was really interesting. the first time i was playing the came (months ago) i got words like insecure and shy. today i got for example talkative and reliable. yay. me like. because that´s more like Lina.

i have spent about five months of my life in a special building. a building where all the walls were totally black and people forced me to do things against my will...or "her" will. i have faced a dark hole - a time when some people didn´t let me go home because of fear. they thought i wasn´t capable to make it all through.

the building is full of memories..

i don´t know how many fallen tears i have had during fall and i just felt to give up. i don´t know how many times i have been full of anger and felt hopeless. i dont know how many mondays i have been filled with anguish or how many tuesdays i felt apart in pieces and cried. i don´t know how many horrible things i´ve seen. it´s all so sad. really sad. i hated what they forced me to do. but without them, i would have been dead today. they helped me to save myself.

i am back in the building this week but with another perspective. i am not part of it all anymore..or i can see the things in a different way. the walls are not totally black. but it hurts to see so many people suffer. they are all fighting so hard. wish so badly i could take all their pain away. i still have a long way to walk, but i am walking every day. some days it´s a really hard wind, almost storm, and it´s hard to move forward. but i´m still walking. a walk of life. i choose life and really hope my friends will do it too.

with all my love to everyone who suffer. there is hope.it´s a hard fight, but it´s worth it.

----------------------------------------

"Can´t Give Up Now"

There will be mountains that I will have to climbAnd there will be battles that I will have to fightBut victory or defeat, it´s up to me to decideBut how can I expect to win If I never try.

I just can´t give up nowI´ve come too far from where I started fromNobody told me the road would be easyand I dont believe he brought me this far to leave me

Never said there wouldn´t be trialsNever said I wouldt fallNever said that everything would go the way I want it to goBut when my back is against the wallAnd I feel all hope is gone, I´ll just lift my head up to the skyAnd say help me to be strong

I just can´t give up nowI´ve come too far from where I started fromNobody told me the road would be easyand I don´t believe he brought me this far to leave me

No you didn´t bring me out here to leave me lonelyEven when I can´t see clearlyI know that you are with me (so I can´t)

I just can´t give up nowI´ve come too far from where I started fromNobody told me the road would be easyand I dont believe he brought me this far to leave me

gaaah, i just loooove the class now. it is so interesting and i got really inspired today. feels so good to become a social worker. this is what i want to do. i want to help people for a better life. for a better life situation. mmmm. i have today learned about the process from a report to resolution for exemple a child who has been abused. of course it is all individual and it is hard to follow a "general basis"...but sort of. love it. love it. love it.

plans for today- study- make some lunch- fika with A and E- watch a movie (?)- talk with L

My friend, Emma, has a competition on her blog. Of course I want to take part of it.Yay!

after a crappy last night i woke up this morning, ate breakfast and read a friend´s blog which made me think a lot. my friend asked what things touch your soul, that remind you that life i sacred that lead you to breathe deeply?

of course that made me think. what things touch my soul? i think a lot of it is about to catch the moment. to be aware of all the "small" things in the world. i know my friend and i have been discussing this before. but i can keep talking about this forever.

i remember a sunny pretty warm summer day when i was driving the motorboat in the archipelago. i could feel the wind in my hair. i could touch the water. i was laughing together with my friends and we were heading to one of my favourite places on earth. i was so happy and felt free and i could breathe really deep.

or a day just about 6.5 weeks ago...i was riding the car with my friend and we were heading to her school were she used to study. we made a stop at Starbucks. the sun was shining. it was warm outside. i spent time with my special friend. i drunk this wonderful cinnamon latte and i remember thinking to really soak that moment in. i loved it and thought it was a great, great, great and wonderful moment in my life. i felt happiness.

it could also be when i one morning almost had no voice at all and just about two hours later should perform - sing and play the piano. i decided to just trust that my voice could come back later. it did and it all went well. it was amazing.

but i do not actually need to really go somewhere or it doesn´t have to be "big" to get touched with my soul.. i woke up today and said good morning to gucci, my hamster, and she just made me smile when she was taking a sand bath. she brings me such joy. i turned the music on while i was doing the dishes and sang a long. i was thinking about the new class i have started - how interesting it is. how much i appreciate my friends and that i am looking forward to the evening. all these examples are things i face during a "normal" day here in Östersund.

there are many things that really touches my soul. i think it is about when i am in contact with truly me - let my feelings come and be in the moment and don´t try to get rid of them or act. i have many times felt trapped. trapped in myself. therfore the word freedom means so much to me. freedom for me is when i face myself and let myself just be. life is about to soak in and live in the moment. if we keep dreaming about the future or thinking about the past, it is easy to forget today.

today, i am going to..- call my dear nephew who is turning 6. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!- think about my parents who are leaving for Turkey- listen to music- study- walk in the sunshine- clean the apartment- do some shopping- welcome my friends who are coming over tonight- go out and dance

tired of thoughts. and i get so tired as soon i start to do anything. like my whole body says; no Lina, you should not do this. it is weird. it´s like i have been running mile after mile and it is hard to breathe.

the lecture got cancelled today since our teacher could not talk because of her cold...no joke. bad bad..but gonna study some on my own - read a bit. it is a very interesting but a hard subject. child abuse..

gonna make some lunch now - red lentils.tonight is it girl´s night with face packs, fixing nails, music and i don´t know. really girlie. haha. not exactly like me..but it´s gonna be fun though.

can not believe it´s april. gosh. the sun is shining and i can for the first time really feel that spring is on its way.