Hotels Featuring Virtual Sex: The Future Is Looking Very Friendly!

June 14, 2011

Image courtesy of Rolo.org.

I love hotels. Everything is better in hotels. The food tastes better, naps are more rejuvenating, showers get you cleaner and, of course, the sex is awesome! But if you thought hotels were amazing now, just wait 20 years.

Futurologist Ian Pearson produced a report called "The Future of Sleep" for the Travelodge hotel chain and looked at how technology could change hotel accommodations by the year 2030 and here is what he came up with. But first, can I just point out how cool the job title "futurologist" sounds? I want to be a futurologist! Okay, back to my blog.

So Mr. Pearson came up with a bunch of predictions for what we would be seeing in hotels in the future, but I wanted to focus my attention on just one of them: virtual sex!

Here is where "virtual sex" is today:

We all know that one of the best ways to spice up a relationship that is in a sexual rut is to go to a hotel. Well, actually, the best thing to do is to get a woman to bring her hot best friend over for a threesome, but that one is harder to get a "yes" on than the going to a hotel idea.

I don't know what it is, but there is something about being in a hotel room that just makes the sex hot, even if it's with the same person you have been with for years and seen naked thousands of times.

Maybe it's the freshly made bed (with sheets that you would be scared to see under a black light), or the TV remote permanently attached to the bedside table. Or maybe it's the hermetically sealed plastic cups in the bathroom, the tiny shampoos or the Gideon bible in the top drawer. Who knows? The point is that in 2030 we won't even have to bring our significant other with us to a hotel in order to have hot hotel sex with them

Does that mean I can watch TV while we do it? Does that mean I can have a sandwich during it? How about after? Can I roll over, turn on Sports Center and take a nap, then wake up and go out and get drunk with my friends? OMG, I'm getting so excited just thinking about it!

Then, to top it all off, the man with the job I want, also said that along with the virtual lovemaking, he sees the possibility of lenses that could be worn to adjust how your partner looks. Are you kidding me? So now I can be out of town, banging my wife with the TV on and my friends ready to go get drunk afterward and she could look like her hot best friend who she won't ask to come join us for a threesome?

And the icing on the cake? The lenses "will enable people to change the image of their partner on a regular basis, and only they will be aware as their lover will not be able to tell what they are looking at."

So what are we supposed to do for the next 19 years while we wait for hotels to get this virtual-sex technology? Well, we can use the technology we already have and bring it to the hotel with us. Of course, I'm talking about the Fleshlight. And while it won't let you bang your partner and make them look like someone else, they do have Fleshlights molded on the vaginas of famous pornstars, so it is kind of like you are doing someone else anyway.