She looked at me and said nothing, but turned back around to wait in line for the cashier. I stood behind her awkwardly, then asked brightly, “How are you doing?”

“Fine,” she murmured without turning around.

Well, ok then, I thought to myself, I can’t do anything else. So I stood in line behind her and waited for the cashier.

It can be embarrassing putting your heart out there. But it’s not about how you’re going to be perceived or accepted or respected. It’s about being true and doing good. And those two things together are never wrong. It’s about her, too, and her feelings. And him as well, because everyone deserves to be complimented if you think they are deserving of one.

It’s a cascade that starts with your initiation and then moves to their feelings: Just be genuine and go from there, because whatever happens is ok if you’re putting positive vibes out there.

She’d been talking about her mother, and how her mother had helped her sister, and not her, and then something…I’d gotten lost. I hadn’t been paying attention.

All attention is paid for. I paid my attention to…god-knows-what… instead of her. We all must lose something in giving something. Opportunity cost: I choose to go out to this movie, with this person, and so I don’t get to go to the park with that other person, or I sacrifice reading a book, or writing a book, or a writing a song.

And then there’s the attention you put towards everything in life. That attention is your time, and you’re paying it constantly, towards your choosing. But even when you’re not choosing, you’re still choosing to do something with your time. You’re paying… I’m paying… for everything, all the time!

The payment of your attention is a special payment. It’s the payment that invests. With the person you’re interacting with, you pay attention in order to gain something and give something directly back.

Some people are shy, so they hide themselves away. Not literally, by staying at home, or not socializing. Actually, many go out regularly, and some even want attention…but they can’t handle it. The exposure of their vulnerabilities is too much for them, a challenge that they’re not quite ready to face. Many of them are strong in other areas and passionate about things. But not the people right in front of them. Or maybe they’re too passionate about them?

“When was your last serious relationship?” I asked.
“About a year and half ago,” she replied.
“What happened?” I asked.
“I think that’s personal,” she said.

I thought nearly a half hour conversation with me would’ve made her more comfortable. There was a silence, then she said:
“I don’t know. I always end up with effeminate, sensitive ones.”
“You need a man,” I said without hesitation.
“Maybe I’m just sabotaging myself,” she replied, resignation in her voice. After a moment, she got up from the couch, and I watched her walk off.

We all probably know, not after too long, what we’re doing wrong. In our hearts we know this. The question is, do we have the courage to change?