Don't immediately quit if she's talking about children as long as it's general stuff. I make neutral comments about kids because I want to know his opinion of them. As a childfree person, I don't want to date someone who might want kids, and I bring that up early.

If it's talking about the concept i don't mind, but if there is an expressed interest directed at me then I'd say that's a problem. Like I wouldn't mind "do you plan on having kids in the future? Or "what's your opinion on marriage/ do you like big weddings?" But "I want to he kids with you/You'll be a great dad" is too direct and creepy.

Man, unless she was placing you squarely and obstinately into every detail she said about her future, I would think this instead is a "different strokes" thing rather than a creepy thing. I believe the first date should totally be about gauging compatibility, that it's only considerate.

I'm guessing most men who has worked at any kind of party scene can relate, or know someone who can relate, but...

When women get drunk they can get really creepily excessively flirty. When I had to check IDs for a section of a music festival I had women 20+ years older than me spend 10+ minutes saying all sort of creepy shit. And I didn't even get a cool SECURITY outfit.

I was working a Halloween event, dressed up as a zombie complete with gory makeup, and you would not believe the amount of drunken older woman groping going on. AS A ZOMBIE. I looked like I had gash wounds on my face, and they’d try to grab my dick asking “if rigamortis has set in yet.”

She was a piece of work that one. She was the reason I stopped going to the pool. Thirsty as hell, and always had a drink in her hand, she was like the best friend supporting character of a divorcee on a bad sitcom.

Same. I might smile “aggressively” and tell the dude how cute he is but it ends there. I don’t linger, just move on. Lol and by aggressively I just mean grinning. I’m kind of an introvert so smiling at people usually only happens when I’ve had a couple beers.

Well, I think its cultural in the fact that I think its common everywhere in the US. It's never happened to me, I don't frequent bars or hang around older women, but I've heard it happen and seen it happen a lot. When they're older and drunk, I don't think women see it as harassment, they see it as flirting. It's common to believe that men just want female sexual attention. They're not wrong, but the time and place is often a point of contention.

Exactly. I'm of the opinion that all men are horndogs, even if they have low libidos. It's just how men are biologically wired. We want to produce children. From a biological perspective, it is our one goal in life.

But, that doesn't mean men are going to fuck literally everything. Desperateness comes from the fact that you've had no chances at sex and no future prospects of it, either. If you've had sex already, or better yet already have a kid, you're going to be more discrimanatory towards what you put your dick into.

I have been told that I become extra friendly when I am drunk and I am 22. However, I've never grabbed someone against their will. My friends told me I just tell men how beautiful they are and dance with them. Pretty harmless, but it made me revaluate my drinking habits. I'm sorry that happened to you.

If I wear a speedo, I expect to be ogled. By those I find attractive and those I dont. I realize that how I dress, where I go, and how I comport myself are going to have an impact on the attention I receive. I'm not going to come home after wearing a banana hammock to the mall and complain to my friends about the comments people made.

I realize that how I dress, where I go, and how I comport myself are going to have an impact on the attention I receive.

And women don't? Gosh, it is truly amazing women manage to make it through the day without hurting themselves if they only possess such limited awareness and mental faculties!

Or, here's a thought, maybe women are as capable of these mental feats as you are, but feel that they nonetheless don't deserve to be treated shittily regardless of what they're wearing? Could that be why they complain about poor treatment and not because they're incapable of basic thoughts? Maybe they also believe that people, men and women alike, are capable of realizing that they are not forced to treat someone poorly regardless of how they dress or where they go? And if they don't, that maybe they're the ones who are at fault and not the women for somehow entrapping them with their scandalous clothing?

You're commentating in a thread about a woman who literally flashes her tits and complains about being cat called. Tell me there's not some sort of disconnect there.

This isn't unqiue to women, it's a common occurance for people to dissassociate the way they present themselves with the reactions/responses they get, it just manifests in different ways for different demographics, gender being one of them.

The self awareness of the average person isn't very high.

While it should be the case that people can dress and present themselves as they like/want and not recieve negative or demeaning responses this is not the reality of things, so it's very reasonable to consider context, audience, and environment when dressing/presenting a certain way, you wouldn't wear a mankini to Sunday mass, for example.

You don't blame the victim of a mugging, but you do question the decisions they made to be in the bad part of town, down the dark alley, alone, and at 3am.

I don't see a disconnect. It doesn't say she complains about people sexualizing her when she flashes her tits. It says that a woman somehow has the the nerve to complain about being catcalled, despite the fact that she enjoys flashing her tits sometimes. I don't think doing so makes you the kind of woman who is fair game to be catcalled from them on forevermore.

And whether you think this behavior is gendered or not, the PussyPass believer I'm talking to certainly does. Hence his comment and my response.

I just don't think the few short sentences we know about this woman justifies jumping to the conclusion that she is bringing this on herself, much less that women as a whole tend to.

Men are taught not to objectify women because, well, women aren’t always treated nicely by men. But women aren’t taught not to objectify men, so some of you can say some pretty weird and nasty stuff and just act like everything is fine.

Imo there’s a difference between buying a hot calebdar for your own "amusement", and to hang up a hot calendar at the workplace. The latter is unprofessional for both genders and yet people seem to do it in workplaces dominated by one gender.

I can imagine it sucked for the female engineering intern to see half naked women on the wall of her new workplace, with 90% men :p Told them to take it down though and luckily most people agreed with me, although some guys were bitter

One major pitfall of more adult dating sites is that sometimes women have pictures of them actually having sex (or related activities). And there can be that moment where you're looking through the pictures for someone who seems like they might be a decent match, see one of their former partners, and go "ok nope, I'm not sizing up to that one, moving on."

There are several, spanning the spectrum from general adult dating/hookup type sites, swinging, etc. to kink-oriented.

As for "are they any good," well that depends on what you're wanting to get out of them. In general, you'll have roughly the same success rate (in terms of conversations and in-person meetings) on an adult dating site as on a general one. I tend to maintain active profiles, for instance, on both OKC and Fetlife, and have met roughly the same number of women from each (given a period where I'm spending a roughly equal time on each site).

Depends on where you fall in the kink spectrum. Being fairly deep in myself, the two I use are Fetlife and Collarspace (the latter less so, its design is beginning to crumble and its moderation/spam prevention is really lax). But if you hop on there looking for generally vanilla sex, you'll find some pretty hard brick walls.

I haven't looked in more general adult dating for a long time, most of them are pay sites. So I can't recommend much there. Adult Friend Finder was decent back in the day, and any number of swinger-oriented sites exist (though your odds as a single male are slim there too, since swingers are typically looking for either a female third or a couple to swap with). But it's one of those markets that's absolutely fucking saturated with men, and a considerable portion are either ghosts, flakes, or cheaters, which means standing out and getting positive responses can be that much more difficult.

I'd google "best adult dating sites" and see what's popular these days, poke around a bit.

Each to their own I guess, but I (f) find it pretty natural that exes will come up in stories about one's life, especially if you've had long relationships. This goes both ways. Don't mind a guy telling a story involving an ex either.

The OP question is "what comes off as creepy. I don't mean to sound like an asshole, but there are definitely times when someone with mental instability comes off as creepy, precisely because you feel something is off.

I guess I can accept that explanation. I can know that a given thing is based in some mental illness or abuse coping mechanism or what have you, but that doesn't make the thing easy to deal with. I probably overreacted a bit.

I always found it sort of creepy/weird when women wanted me to assault them during sex. 'Pull my hair, spank me, choke me, wear my Dad's cologne,' I mean, can't i just bang you without also beating you up? It always sorta creeped me out.

Also their tendency to disregard privacy and to stalk online. Like every girl i know does facebook stalking on their own bfs, their ex bfs, their old friends, their current friends and they even talk to each other about who they're creeping on. And they look through their bfs phone when he showers or his facebook chats, ect.

I wasn't physically abused as a kid, nor was/am I into weird/unusual porn, so I've no idea why I get turned on when I'm bitten or scratched during sex (I draw the line at blood though, and all marks need to be below the collar line). If my hair was long enough for it, I'd be fine with it being pulled as well, based on the few times it was actually pullable.

'rape' sex is a pretty standard fantasy. I like having my hair pulled back (but there's definitely a way to do it properly). I also like being spanked occasionally (again, if you know how to do it properly.

yea that's a bit of a leap to assume hair pulling or ass slapping is similar to assault lol, I am a guy and I like my ass slapped, I just don't think 'rape' sex is in any way common fantasy or people wildly misunderstand what 'rape' play actually is.

I think they meant doing it all the damn time. Fantasies involve both parties, and being down for it once or twice doesn't mean every. single. time. needs to be like that. And always insisting it becomes that would be creepy

I am slightly offended! I use men's restrooms whenever there's a line in the women's and I can't hold it in. If I happen to fondle a few dicks while I'm in there, well, maybe they shouldn't be on display!

No, but in seriousness, a woman in a single-room men's restroom is creepy? Why?

I don't think he was talking about a single roomed restroom. But in the case of a single roomed restroom, I think it's still a little weird. Same as if you saw some dude walk out of the womens restroom. Just sorta "why were they in there?".

"Like it's [No Big Deal]" is the operative phrase there. If you use the wrong gender's designated washroom, it should be a big deal. Be apologetic and most men, especially those who noticed the long lineup outside the other restroom or those who have IBS/IBD who have been in your shoes, will be understanding.

I think the grandparent poster was talking more about the women who waltz in to multi-stall restrooms as a group, sharing a stall and making a scene like they own the place, giggling and making lewd comments all the while.

I mean I've met some women that could definately fall into the "should not be allowed to be around sharp objects because she will use them to fuck you up" category. While most of us women fall into crazy we can get creepy too.

someone asked if I could beat them up, I said "maybe, but I really never want to beat anyone up" . She was super interested in if I could hurt her or not because I mentioned in my dating profile I was in martial arts. I dunno I'm really passive and it made me uncomfortable.

Dude I get same question from men when they learn about MA background: “So can you beat me up?” A friend back in a day cake up with a brilliant response: “Would you ever put me in a position where I have to?” Sometimes I just size them up and say Yep.

I had a buddy in college that got me into MMA, well after I'd done a few years of various martial arts as a kid/preteen. The number of times the idea of the two of us sparring/fighting each other from our friends during various game nights was approaching obnoxious, especially because every single time our mutual response was "Oh, hell no. Neither one of us would walk away from that, that's a terrible idea."

I learned martial arts as a kid for the discipline and exercise - my parents put me in the classes for much the same reasons. I picked it back up as an adult for, again, exercise, and to make sure I could defend myself if it ever came to that. But it's not something I ever actively want to do, because I know what I can do.

That’s exactly the mindset of a martial artist. My friends and I could spar sometimes at quarter/half speed but for ourselves, as a practice and general enjoyment, but I can’t imagine someone asking for a “show”. Good on both of you for not engaging and staying true to your practice.

I mean, if it was on a heavy bag or with thick, solid pads, sure, but that was training. The only time he and I would ever "square off" was to demonstrate foot work or posture for different punches and kicks.

I also had an ex who did not care about personal boundaries, and I let her get away with it for the most part because I knew that if I snapped, I would hurt her just on reflex. People really don't seem to understand that outside of training there is no limiting factor. If I'm "throwing hands" it's to defend someone's life, and that may well mean ending the aggressor's. It's like drawing a weapon you aren't willing to use - all it'd do is get you hurt even worse, because you escalated things.

Oh that’s interesting. We had a different approach because we practiced on each other without protection (guys wore cups) and also often discussed the self-defense laws in our state, where you have to justify the force you used. So we would practice dropping someone gently on the floor if it is let’s say Uncle Bob who had a bit too much too drink at the party - and escalating scenarios from there, but always with consideration of the legally appropriate response. But that was traditional though applied martial arts, not MMA which dies have somewhat different approach.

Also regardless of training approach it’s not cool of you ex to disregard personal boundaries and engage physically... glad she’s an ex, I guess:)

I should say that by "square off" I mean just facing each other in a "fighting stance" and working through the movements. But we'd go full force on heavy pads. It was largely a "training at the gym and talking about it outside of the gym" sort of deal, nothing really strict or organized - he did have a school in his home state, though. My health went to shit so I haven't been able to even think about finding one local to me.

This was also in college, and he was from out of state, so discussing laws like that wouldn't have been as pertinent for him. I'm somewhat familiar with those laws, though, as a different (and abusive) ex had her own abusive ex that she was physically afraid of, so guess who had to find out what the legal lines were for what he was able/allowed to do in case the other guy showed up? Yup, me.

And I do know various disabling and disarming techniques that aren't anywhere near full escalation, but it's still nothing I ever want to practice outside of, well, actual controlled practice. And nobody was going to teach a kid how to offensively defend themselves, other than to say "this is only ever to be used in self-defense."

Although I suppose the fact that I don't look like the kind of guy that's able to drop someone in a matter of seconds helps me not get that from random people.

I am 5'4, and have been out of martial arts for a long time. I have no confidence in my ability to take anyone down who have half a foot and 20 pounds on me. I always wish I could try and size people up but it's difficult when my stature isnt intimidating. Also, the jujitsu I picked up on the side showed me how fragile humans are and how quickly we can seriously hurt one another. I'm really hoping I can find a place where I can train again , it felt fantastic!

5.2 checking in:) Unless they have martial arts/fighting background and they are by themselves, I know I can do damage. If they don’t know my background, it’s a bonus cause they won’t expect it. And yeah, we are fragile. The trick is knowing where the other person is fragile too:) JK.

The one place I went to shut down because the headmaster was getting older and couldn't move around like she use to. I haven't checked, I'm in collage and moving place to place so it's difficult to find something that fits my schedule and budget.

How do you get over the fear of hurting others ? I had/have an issue with holding back, it's something I'm aware of but don't really want to change, but it seems like if I don't get rid of it then I'll be setting myself up for problems down the road.

You may reconnect then after college :) Once a martial artist, always a martial artist. In our dojo we definitely had folks who practices as kids and then returned in their 20s-30s.

You mean during practice? Just constant awareness and love for your partner. When I bow to you, I am telling you that during this drill/kumite I will have not only my practice but your interests in mind. But we've had a couple of men who could not get over the fear of hurting the female-presenting dojo members to the point where we felt disrespected - this one white belt kid would throw only joke-level punches when working with me and even with my female sensei who could obviously defend ourselves against even his proper punch. I think we had a lot of practices on control - kumite at quarter speed, at half speed, joint drills, etc, so over the years people learned the difference.

During training I've only had one issue with holding back too much. I was 14 and the person I was paired up with was around 16-17 and a girl .The sparring was basically wrestling focusing on take downs. I didn't want to grab in the wrong place (being 14 and having no idea how the opposite sex works) I barely touched her, she tossed me around like a sack of potatoes! After growing and learning that issue and issues like that soon faded. Any issues with male members going way too easy on female members is all up to the males doing it, it's a bit of casual sexism that they need to get over.

I was more referring to real world situations, like if someone attacked me on the street I don't feel like I defend properly. I don't want to ever be in that position but there's a nagging feeling there will be something in the back of my head from doing anything full force to stop someone.

It may be one of those cases where you train control and technique and hope that you can maintain them in critical situation while also having your self-defense instincts kick in enough to actually deliver the blow. At least, with training we are thinking through these scenarios which already decreases chances they would occur and will help with our reactions.

The first time I saw a celebrity at a bar, I couldn’t believe the effect it had on women. So many of them just instantly turned from aloof clicks separate from men and other aloof clicks into swarms of individuals acting like a horny drunk guy at closing. Creepy as hell, and explains why so many male celebrities get caught with their dick someplace it shouldn’t be.

Standing in a corner just zoning out. It's odd, but harmless, and I will not judge you for it.

Sexy dancing in a public place, assuming you are below the age of 40. Once again, it's odd, but harmless

Quacking at your friends. Okay, so you might be lovingly squirrely, but more likely socially inept, but whatever. You do you, quackaholic person.

Staring at me longingly, assuming you aren't repulsive. I will probably assume I remind you of someone that you can't put your finger on. If you are clearly repulsive and un-kept, I will be concerned of having an uncomfortable interaction.

​

To me it doesn't become creepy until it is clear that you lack social and self awareness. If someone is clearly disturbed by your behaviors and you fail to recognize it after a reasonable amount of time or you self-aggrandize yourself with anecdotes that would make me assume your malevolent and proud of it or worse, noticeably insane, I will stay cautious of you.

​

Once again, though, I am rather forgiving of oddities. I might find you dull or generally incompatible, but I will rarely deem you creepy for it

This was a long time ago but in high school I was obsessed with death and had no filter. I was struggling with bad depression and one way I coped was to draw people being brutally murdered-especially boys I liked. Now, I love gory movies and I'll still draw bloody murder scenes once in a while, but there's a big difference: I'm not drawing death art of real people that I know. I'm drawing fictional characters or random characters of my own making, and I draw them in private, not in public. In high school, I'd literally be sitting in class, drawing the cute boy on the other side of the room getting his head cut off.

Imagine sitting next to someone, looking over and realizing that they're drawing you getting murdered. That'd be pretty creepy, wouldn't it?

The fact that I was openly making these drawings of my classmates dying in a public classroom setting is what makes it creepy. It shouldn't come as any surprise that I developed a reputation of being a psycho and a lot of students were afraid of me.

Somehow I never got sent to the counselor's office and no one ever confronted me about my macabre art, but I thankfully did get the mental help I really needed.

You know how men aren't supposed to comment on women's bodies? Well, some women don't seem to understand that goes both ways. I recently lost a bunch of weight, started lifting, and got a pretty decent physique going. It's ok when they notice and say, "you look great!" But I've had a couple of women at work that make some kind of comment literally every time we cross paths. It's annoying and creepy.

Get upset when I don't text back fast enough, or just get upset when my texting isn't to your standard in any way.

I remember having a totally normal conversation with a girl, we hungout twice, we made out a bunch, overall just a good time both times we hungout, following day we have a conversation, the conversation eventually ends and I expected from there we'd just stop talking for the next few hours and maybe pick it up later that day or the next, but instead I get a random text 30 minutes later where she says "So when did you switch up?" and proceeded to get upset with me for not texting her enough. I met you twice woman, we aren't dating, I don't need to constantly be concerned with my texting habits.

I don't like hands near my face in general, but the random hands out of nowhere in a nasty, sweaty, environment is worse.. bleh but that's about the extent of the creepy I've ever really dealt with. Working is the service industry for 16 years can desensitize a person for sure

Depends on your age in my opinion. If you are between 16 and mid 20’s talking about kids on the first date is going to be unsettling to most people. If you’re getting older like later 30’s then you should know if your potential partner wants kids pretty early on because time is running out for that kind of stuff.

Her: plan out our entire next 5 years together.
Me: one step at a time hun, let's just finish our first date.

Her: said if we got together itd have to be a relationship lasting x number of years.
Me: I feel uncomfortable having to sign myself into a contract, I just want to see what 3 months together is like.
- this really bothered me.

I've been weirded out by women who are overly drunk and flirty or under the influence of some substance but I've never thought a woman was "creepy." To me, "creepy" implies some kind of physical danger.

Only thing women have done to me in the past was follow me home uninvited. I literally had to shout at a girl to stop following me home once. Then my dumb ass started dating her... another time a girl started talking to me about how I looked like I was looking for something. 2 weeks later I see her walking past the street I lived on.

I foolishly let my dick think for me. Best sex in a relationship I've ever had hands down, but it was such an emotionally and spiritually unhealthy relationship. Would not do again unless it were a clear cut business transaction with no emotions involved.

Not 'creepy' perse, but questionable at best: I had a gal met up with asking me once "Can I do something with you?", so I replied: "What's that?", to which she said: "You'll see.". But I pressed her that I wanted to know what I'd agree to before agreeing. "Don't worry. I'm not gonna give you a BJ or something."
I kept refusing if she didn't tell, and she never revealed what she had in mind, so nothing happened. It was the first and the last we saw each other.

Same. None of the things mentioned in this thread would bother me and quite frankly I find this entire thread bizarre. The vast majority of Reddit threads are dominated by unattractive men. Who are all of these guys who get tons of unwanted touch from women? Who are all of these guys who not only get Tinder matches, but are also asked about having kids, marriages, family, and meeting parents? This doesn't make any sense.

where are you getting the "unattractive men" statistic? That is wholly subjective and you can't make the assumption for everyone that any given man on this subreddit is unattractive to every other person on reddit.

Okay so that study claims that a random sample of women from i assume a western country all on average find 80% of men unattractive? And you're claiming that this is definitive or at least suggestive proof that it's impossible that any of the men on this subreddit have actually had any of these experiences because obviously they must all be unattractive statistically?

A friend of mine had a female stalker for years and years from high school and on. I think what wore him down worst was that absolutely no one including his friends took him seriously. In hindsight she was unhinged and much much much larger and stronger than him.

Hard for me describe, but I have a feeling people know what I mean. When they talk in a psudo deep and menacing voice, usually only saying two words.

Like when you're sharing a meal and she offers you some fries, you politely decline and she goes "EeEeEaAaAaTtTtT IT !" . Of course this isn't gender specific but I've noticed this is more than uncommon amongst people in Nerd culture. My siblings do it, I've had a girl on a first date do it, not a fan of it at all.

But that's just me, tbh if you did that in certain circles it may get celebrated

a group of female coworkers asked me out for a drink one night, we had hung out all before and it was fine so we had a drink and the night was going pretty fun then one of them gets the idea of going to find another guy friend who was at his fwb house.. anyways they had a really small detail about where he was, they found the house within minutes....

When I can feel them very obviously projecting their sexuality on me. Like, flirting intensely just to get a reaction. To feel like they have power over you. This girl I meet through my circle of friends that I had a date with once does this to me. She's fucking gorgeous and knows I liked her so she will talk to me inches from my face and try to get me to chase her. Luckily for me the thing I find least attractive about a woman is not liking me. Still it's really fucking creepy, especially because it means I have to keep my wits about me or it will work.

I don't know if this is common behavior, but I know a girl who sometimes takes covert photos of cute guys she doesn't know in public.
That's kinda creepy, a bit less so than if she was a man, but still creepy.

When a clearly unattractive girl tries flirting with me, or touches me.

Its a no-win scenario, because it makes my skin crawl, but Im conditioned to not hurt their feelings by outright rejection, or worse, physically push them away.

I know it sucks to be ugly (I was fat for the most of my teenage years) but for fucksake, know your general attractiveness level and approach the same. You would do both parties a favor this way, AND increase your chances of success.

This is, BTW, true for all genders/sex/orientation. Don't bother people who clearly had put far more effort in their attractiveness than you did, physically, intellectually, socially and fashion-wise. That is just insulting to their effort and hard work.

I once added a guy on Snapchat who was in my “quick add”, I made him laugh at a party a few days before, thought he was cute, is this creepy behaviour? Just wondering? Like I don’t know him well?
Edit: I replied to the wrong comment I don’t know how I did this. I am an absolute fool.

Keeping hoodies/pillows that "smell like you." That's a bit weird. I got used to it eventually, but it threw me at first. My nose used to be perpetually stuck up so it was just...creepy.

Going through our stuff and our phones. If you don't trust us, fine, but if that's the case just end it, or I will. Once the trust isn't there it isn't there. I'm a monogamous guy, but if I see someone doing that, then I know in my heart of hearts she doesn't trust me. There's gotta be trust to build any relationship- even a friendship needs trust.

Lastly, please, handle rejection with class. Not doing so, or insisting, is creepy.

Disclaimer: Any answer to this question implies gender stereotypes. Obviously women are individuals.

That said, I’m creeped out by unaccountable people. Individuals who act with no thought for consequences. I believe that each of us is responsible for everything we say, every comment we post, and everything we do until the day we die.

Except children. The entire point of childhood is to learn accountability.