For the second part of the Pilot Marriage Shake-Up: Dating Challenge, we went on a date that my husband, Scott, planned. He even managed to keep it a surprise! (Here’s how the first date went, in case you missed it.)

It started out by him driving me to the secret location. I was a mixture of nervous and excited – what if he picked something lame? Okay, I knew the chances of that happening were slim to none, but you never know.

We pulled up to a building and I saw the front sign – Shooter’s World! My jaw flew open and I looked at Scott. “Are we going shooting?! Like, gun shooting?!” “Yep,” he smiled. YESSSSS!!! I had always wanted to go to a shooting range, and neither of us had ever done it before. (Obviously, since that’s one of the rules of the challenge.)

We went inside, got our gear, and were helped by a super nice guy behind the counter who helped us choose which gun we wanted to use. There are SO many to choose from, I had no idea of the vast amount of different types of guns available.

Once we got into the shooting area, it was intimidating. There were all sorts of guns being fired, and I didn’t grow up being around guns so it was all new to me. The first shot I took, the shell flew into the front of my shirt! (Also good to know – shells are hot.)

After a few minutes getting over nerves, though, it was so much fun. What a rush! We took turns shooting at the target, and I’m not gonna lie, my husband looks pretty sexy while shooting.

After we went through all of our ammo, we turned our stuff back in, and headed to our next destination. He took me to a restaurant called the Salty Sow and all I could think of was bacon, so this place must be awesome.

I was not disappointed. The drinks were amazing, the food was fantastic, and we went through the second set of questions together. Maybe it was the adrenaline still pumping, or the martini I was drinking, or both, but I felt that familiar connection with my husband that reminded me of how I felt early in our relationship. I loved the effort he took in planning our date and making sure I had fun. And it was SO different than any of our other dates!

Like I mentioned before, there is science behind the Marriage Shake-Up Dating Challenge. Studies show that couples who try new things together have happier relationships, and are more satisfied.

“The more you invest in fun and friendship and being there for your partner, the happier the relationship will get over time,” says Howard Markman, a psychologist who co-directs the university’s Center for Marital and Family Studies. “The correlation between fun and marital happiness is high, and significant.” (Source.)

My thoughts exactly! We didn’t do the awkward stare at the restaurant this time, but waited until we were home in bed. We set the timer, and it seemed like the time went by much faster even though it was actually a minute longer. We talked more, and laughed, and one thing led to another… You can guess how it went from there. Let’s just say that I think my husband will be planning more adventures in the near future. I can’t wait!

Next up is the date we plan together – stay tuned for how it goes! If you’d like to join the Pilot Wife Dating Challenge Facebook group to stay updated and get more dating ideas, go here. We love sharing stories!

And to see the Dating Challenge rules and how it works, go here. Happy dating!

A couple days after I published that post we went on our first date, planned by me. My husband kept trying to guess what we were doing, but no dice.

Here is me with my giddy face on, getting ready to drive him to the super-secret location…

So what did I have planned?? A visit to the Splatter Room at a cool little place called Pinspiration in Phoenix. This place is a dream; you walk in, pick a project you like, and then get to make it and take it home. They take care of the mess and the supplies, you just get to create. Awesome, right?

Anyway, the Splatter Room is pretty self-explanatory, you go in, hurl a bunch of paint at a canvas, and voila, you are now an artist. But the best part? They also throw in a cheese plate and champagne. There’s a bar, people. I was sold.

We headed inside and I could see the inquisitive look on my husband’s face, a mixture of hesitation (What the heck is this place) and resignation (sigh, of course she picked something Pinterest-related). My husband is not the excitable type. He could say he’s excited and still look like he does when he’s watching the news. Which is probably a good thing for a pilot, I don’t know.

But anyway, he took a look around and noticed the bar, and I heard the audible sucking in of air as he gasped a little and whispered, “Oh, they have IPAs here.” He may not be an excitable guy, but he is definitely a beer guy. Wife points!

Luckily there’s a bar!

Finally, I told him what we were doing and it looked like relief washed over him. I don’t know what he thought we would be doing, but apparently splattering paint seemed way better. Is that some excitement I sense??

We were given some zip-up painting onesies and booties and told to suit up. Then we were brought to a back room where there was literally paint covering every surface of every wall. This was gonna be good.

The lady who had been helping us turned off the lights, and all of a sudden there were black lights and a disco ball and the paint was glowing. Party time!

We started off a little shy, but in no time we were launching paint across the room onto our canvas. We started giggling, and then when one of my paint brush heads broke off mid-throw and smacked against the canvas leaving a giant splotch, we started laughing so hard we could barely breathe. Of all the things I know to be therapeutic, I had no idea that flinging paint would be one of them. It was awesome.

We randomly decided to each draw a heart right in the middle, and decided our masterpiece was finished.

While it dried, we were led back to the front to enjoy our drinks and cheese plate (delish!) and I decided to tell my husband what was next – dinner at a little place nearby we’d never tried. On the inside, I was hoping it was as good as the reviews said it was because I really wanted to keep this momentum going. Before we left, he told me that he had really enjoyed it and that I had “set the bar high for our next date.” Success!

We put the painting in the car and walked to the restaurant. As soon as we walked in I relaxed. This place was totally our type; laid-back with a swanky vibe, and we even got seated in the couch lounge! Fun!

We ordered our drinks and food decided to go over the 1st date questions. They started off simple enough, and then got more interesting.

Now let me tell you, my husband and I have been together for 12 years, and married for almost 10. We’ve both heard the same stories over and over, (usually inducing eye rolls) and we know each other very well. But as we talked over these questions, I learned things about my husband that I didn’t know.

How was that even possible?! I think I’ve just forgotten to check in. I got lazy, and figured I already know him as much as I ever will, but that’s apparently not true. People change. I’ve changed in 12 years, so why wouldn’t he? It was eye-opening, to say the least.

We ended up talking hours, like we used to when we were first dating. Why has it been so long since we’ve talked like this? I already knew the answer to this, even as I asked it. Life, kids, work, stress. All of it gets in between us. But as we talked, I felt those things melt away, and I felt feelings for him that have been kind of dormant re-blossom. This is the guy I married, don’t you remember him?

This is what reconnecting looks like 🙂

Suddenly I remembered the staring-at-each-other part of the date, and reached for my phone to start the timer. We faced each other and settled in, and kind of nervously laughed for the first ten seconds or so. But then it turned into comfortable silence, and it just felt nice. A few seconds before the timer was going to go off, our server came by and our stare was broken. Dang it! We decided to try again later that night.

Once we got home and paid the babysitter, we headed to bed. We got into our PJs and after we were under the sheets, we tried the staring again. This time it was quiet, no distractions. It took us a few seconds to get comfortable again, but it wasn’t as awkward as I thought. It was like taking a moment to just be together.

The best part about the whole night had been just being together. For a few hours, we didn’t have to be Mom or Dad, we didn’t have responsibilities, and didn’t have any of the day-to-day worries that usually plague our relationship. We were just us again. And it was magical. Thisis how we fell in love, I thought, those familiar feelings filling me up again. Our only goal had been to have a good time and enjoy each other’s company. But we got more out of it. So, so much more.

I can’t wait to see what he has planned for next week! (Update: Here’s how the second date went.)

I urge you to try the dating challenge, we’re only one date in and the results were even better than I was expecting. To see the guidelines and join for yourself, see the original post here.

Have you felt like your marriage is in a rut lately? Or maybe that you and your pilot haven’t been as close as you have in the past? Well I have something awesome in store for you, and I can’t wait to share it!

What if I told you there was a way to get that sizzle back, to get those flames burning between you again? What if I told you there was a way to feel in love again? Would you take the challenge?

The good news is that there is a way. The better news? It’s actually fun!

Written by Mary Len Catron, the article tested out a theory based on a study conducted by psychologist Arthur Aron over 20 years ago. The theory is that based on mutually asking 36 questions, two strangers can end up falling in love. In fact, during the study, two strangers did end up falling in love, and got married six months later. (Read the article to see what happened when Catron tried it herself.)

After reading the 36 questions, participants were made to stare into each other’s eyes for 4 minutes. What?! I know, it seems like it would be super awkward. But we’re talking about our spouses! The people we are spending the rest of our lives with, who have seen us naked and in compromising positions. We can do this, I promise. Besides, it’s based on science.

So let me ask you, are you ready to shake things up?

I know I am. Maybe it’s because I watch too much Bachelor/Bachelorette, but I feel like our dates have been kind of blah lately. We will have been married for 10 years this fall, and although we try to have at least one date a month, I can’t remember the last time it wasn’t dinner and a movie, or something similar.

I want to have fun again!

I decided to create a 3-date challenge and, using the questions from the study, see what would happen in my own marriage if I tried it myself. But not just any dates – dates that would be memorable. Dates that would bring us close again. Dates that would make our early dating dates peanut butter and jealous.

And I want you to reap the benefits.

So I’m going to start the challenge, and each week post what happens afterwards. I am putting myself up as tribute, people! You’re welcome.

How it works: You will be going on 3 (awesome) dates, each one accompanied by a series of 12 questions that are designed to get you closer. There are also rules for each date, which are below. After the questions, there is an amount of time specified for staring into each other’s eyes. (Is it weird that I’m nervous about that part?)

So, where do we start? With the rules of course. Here is the outline for the challenge:

Rules:

The challenge consists of going on 3 dates, held as close together time-wise as possible. (Hey, I get it, we’re talking about pilots here.) The point is to not lose momentum. The best scenario would be completing all 3 dates within a month.

Along with each date is a series of 12 questions, to be read and discussed by both of you during the second portion of the date.

Remember to keep the date a secret – you want it to be a surprise!

Some things to note – You can totally be creative with this! For instance, a “meal at a place you’ve never been before” can be a picnic at a park, or takeout you bring to a drive-in movie. It doesn’t have to be super expensive, but it does need to have effort behind it. You want to show your spouse that they are still worth putting effort into, because they are! So have fun with it, and get creative.

Our first date is this weekend and I can’t wait to share how it goes. I planned something fun and definitely different than our normal dates, and my husband keeps pestering me about what we’re doing. It’s actually really fun keeping him in the dark and it’s giving us both something to look forward to.

So, are you in?

If you’re ready to shake things up in your marriage, join us in the dating challenge and see where it takes you! I can’t wait to hear what happens! Get ready for part 2 next week…

To go along with the Marriage Shake-Up dating series, here are more than 35 ideas for date night – use some of these or come up with your own to create some new memorable experiences! It’s not really as much about what you’re doing as it is about the experience you have together. Memories are the things that bring us closer and keep us bonded. Go make some memories!

*Quick Tip: Check out Groupon for things to do in your area that are also at a discount. Look under the “Things To Do” section to find classes, activities, and events you might not otherwise know about!

1. Head to an adult arcade.

Nothing gets your blood pumping like a little competition! Collect tickets and turn them in to get the cheesiest prizes you can find. Bonus points for booze involved!

2. Go to a concert.

Seeing your fave bands is a great way to spend some time together.

3. Go on a brewery or factory tour.

We had a blast when we visited the Coors brewery in Denver. It’s pretty awesome to see not only how beer is made, but how it’s packaged. Mesmerizing, I say. Not to mention the tasting part! Look for breweries, distilleries, or any type of factory in your area and schedule a tour. Informational and surprisingly fun!

4. Go Kart Racing

Again, being competitive can bring you together. And the couple that races together, stays together.

5. Do a restaurant tour.

Find a group of restaurants in your area (bonus points if you’ve never been) and go to one for drinks, another for apps, and another for dessert.

6. Travel your city like tourists.

Look up places that are fun to visit, and head out for a drive. We’ve both lived in our city for over 10 years and still haven’t done everything!

7. Check out a local sports game.

Because who doesn’t love being at a game? Even if you’re not a sports fan, there’s still a snack bar. And usually adult beverages. Win/win.

8. Take a cooking class.

Look on Groupon for deals or just do an online search for cooking classes in your area. I’m dying to learn to make sushi and haven’t done it yet. Definitely on the list!

9. Take a workout class.

Working up a sweat has a ton of benefits, and when you’re with your significant other you can challenge each other and have fun at the same time. Just don’t hurt yourselves, that’s a sure way to ruin your day.

10. Go horseback riding.

Again, this has been on my list for ages. I’ve been horseback riding, just not with my husband. Time to get on it!

11. Go roller skating/ice skating.

When is the last time you’ve been roller skating or ice skating? Go out and race each other or just for a fun time.

12. Do game night with a twist – loser has to do chores or sexual favors.

Uno, poker, Twister, or Battleship, for starters. Pick a game and pick what you’re playing for. Back rubs, cleaning, whatever you like!

13. Watch airplanes take off and land.

I used to love doing this with my husband when we both worked at the same airline. We could sit and watch planes all day. It’s been a while, but this is still high on my list.

14. Go to a paint night.

These are usually paired with wine or drinks, and are super fun! Compare your artwork and display it at home when you’re done.

15. Take a picnic to the park.

Pack up some favorite foods and head to your local park for a sweet little rendezvous.

16. Have a wine/beer/cheese/chocolate tasting.

Head to the grocery store (or specialty store) and pick up some different wines and beer, as well as different cheeses and chocolates. (As well as meats and crackers if you like.) Create your own pairings and see what you come up with. This one is fun and delicious.

17. Mini golf.

If you’re feeling nostalgic, head to the mini course and challenge each other to a round or two.

18. Visit a museum exhibit or art gallery.

There are usually all kinds of different museums and exhibits to check out, pick a random one and see what you find!

19. Go bowling.

Get your strike on and spend some time knocking over pins (and knocking back a few drinks) for a good time.

20. Take a gun course.

If you’ve always wanted to learn to shoot or if you’re a pro already, find a gun range and have a blast! (Pun intended.)

21. Rent a boat.

Whether it’s a sailboat, motorboat, or paddle boat, spending time on the water is always a good time.

22. See a comedy or improv show.

Comedy is a great way to spend an evening, and who doesn’t love to laugh?

23. Go to the (live) theater.

See a ballet, opera, or local play.

24. Have a fondue night.

Look up recipes and use different veggies, meats, and cheese. Don’t forget to do chocolate for dessert!

25. Have a day date.

Make or go out to brunch and take in a matinee.

26. Go for drinks at a bar you’ve never been to.

Or bar hop, if you’re up for it.

27. Wine tasting/tour.

Find a local winery (or a few) and do a tour. Wine tastings are fun and tasty!

28. Pottery class.

Making something together is always fun, and being able to keep your creations is even better.

29. Go hiking or biking.

Get physical and head out into nature to enjoy each other’s company in the great outdoors.

30. Visit a botanical garden.

See the beauty of all kinds of different plants and vegetation from your area and beyond.

31. Go paint balling.

Gear up and head out to get down and dirty.

32. Watch a roller derby match.

Watch different teams duke it out on skates and bet on your favorite.

33. Hit up a casino.

Play the tables or the slots, and see who can win the most cash!

34. Go on a hot air balloon ride.

See your area from a completely different view!

35. Have a staycation overnight at a resort.

Hotel room + no kids = fun every time.

36. Go to a theme park or fair.

Cotton candy, rides, and games? Yes, please.

37. Check out your town’s festivals.

Food trucks, beer & bacon, art, and hot air balloon festivals are a few types we’ve been to, and they’re always so fun!

The most important thing is to have fun, keep it fresh, and enjoy each other’s company. Happy dating!