Float Like A Butterfly, Sing Like A Bee.

Well folks, today is your lucky day ! In the midst of several award shows,
here comes my thrilling take on 2016’s cinematic offerings. It was indeed
one heck of a crazy year, but visiting the movie theaters was a great way
to beat the heat (and escape election woes).

We will never forget the epic battle between Jill Stein and Gary Johnson !!!
Then there were those other two that kept making the news. Ryan Lochte
and Michael Phelps. Ha-ha !

It Would Be Much Warmer In SPARTA !!!

Walt Disney Pictures’ rousing rescue adventure has finally splashed down,
and it is guaranteed to chill you to the bone ! Especially if you forget your
jacket. Heck, theaters are pretty cold this time of year. No matter where
you reside (tropical or tundra) “The Finest Hours” will shiver your timbers !

This harrowing true story stars a fine fellow who most of you will recognize
as Captain James T. Kirk from the recent “Star Trek” flicks, Mr. Chris Pine.
It would have been greatto have William Shatner on board, if only to hear
his version of a New England accent.

The action takes place near Cape Cod, in the early fifties. A dashing dude
(a crewman in the Coast Guard) is trying to woo Lucille Ball’s doppelgänger.
Bernard “Bernie” Webber (Pine) initially puts his best foot forward. But he
flubs up and the aforementioned foot winds up in his mouth !

Miriam (played by Holliday Grainger) is an adorable dame, yet Bernie says
she looks like Yogi Bear ! Or was it Yogi Berra ? Well, Miriam is sporting a
fur coat and he makes a rather grizzly joke. Oh, I remember now, he says
she resembles Smokey the Bear ! Beats Fuzzy Wuzzy, I suppose.

Fuzzy… Whoops, I mean Miriam… Just giggles daintily and falls head over
heals for the enthusiastic Bernie. After a few dates, they decide to attend
a sock hop (or whatever dance parties were called back in 1952). Bernie’s
quite the dancer, and he teaches Miriam his moves.

As they twirl about, Miriam asks Bernie to marry her !!! He has a hissy fit
and runs outside. He thinks his job’s too dangerous, and that he might be
hurt in the line of duty. She says she is willing to take that chance…

~

I’m A Chicken When It Comes To The Sea !!!

~

These two characters do have a certain amount of chemistry, and Holliday
is a great actress, but everything seems rushed. She also becomes a total
worrywart right away. Miriam’s role in the movie is borderline gratuitous at
times. Nevertheless, every romantic element stays afloat.

Bernie has to get permission from his boss to marry Miriam, but as he tries
a giant winter storm’s wrecking havoc on the ocean. Several ships nearby
are in peril, and it ain’t long before our hero has to leave his lady high and
dry !

Miriam attempts to call, but Bernard doesn’t want to brawl about a squall, so
he risks it all. He is put in charge of a rescue mission, with only three other
sailors willing to help him ! Turns out, an oil tanker (The SS Pendleton) has
snapped in half, and hope for the survivors is sinking fast !!!

All he has at his disposal is a small boat designed to hold a few people. The
problem is, there are roughly thirty guys aboard the troubled tanker. But he
is determined to make it work ! Drawing inspiration from Titanic’s Rose, and
all the people she saved on her little plank… Oh, wait… Never mind.

Meanwhile, the salty dogs on the Pendleton are doing what they can to keep
away from a watery doom. Ray Sybert, a soft-spoken bloke (Casey Affleck)
manages to employ some crazy survival techniques ! At first, the crew balks
at his suggestions, but Ray’s advice buys them time…

Bernard is riding the waves (in grand fashion) with his small crew on his tiny
Tinkertoy tugboat. Everyone’s telling him he should turn back, and that this
rescue mission is insane. Bernie won’t hear any of it. Not only because his
ears are iced-over, but because this is what he signed up for !!!

~

We’re In Trouble. My Dinghy Is Frozen Solid.

~

When the floating thimble arrives at its destination, the suspense becomes
almost unbearable !!! My tummy was in nautical knots as the Coast Guard
guys try to figure out what to do. People are poised to perish !!!

What happens next is literally one for the history books ! All of the actors
bring this true story to life, in memorable ways. Pine is unforgettable, and
Affleck really rocks (the boat) ! Eric Bana plays a top banana with plenty
of aplomb, and Ben Foster is also on deck.

The special effects really make a splash in this amazing period piece. Each
huge wave created by the sinister snowstorm is intimidating and formidable
(and every scene is flooded with magnificent performances) !

Time To Shut The Door On Yet Another Year.

Hello from the other side (of my computer screen). I am suffering from a
touch of whiplashat the moment, due to the fact that I’ve been glancing
back quite a bit at 2015’s film offerings !

This past year was memorable. So many awesome cinematic treasures to
appreciate ! Of course, the definition of treasure is highly subjective. All
of the pirates in “Pan” can offer a better perspective on that…

Sadly, not all Rogers are Jolly. It’s either sink or swim ! Thank goodness
something always rises to the top ! Here are the movies that managed to
make wonderful waves !!!

The Best of 2015:

~

****************************************************

~

Cinderella

*You’ll have a ball !

~

****************************************************

~

Jurassic World

*If something chases you, be sure that you can run in heels.

~

No, Mom, I Said I Saw A DinosaurNot Dinah Shore !

~

****************************************************

~

The Martian

*One of my favorites.

~

****************************************************

~

Star Wars: The Force Awakens

*A force to be reckoned with !

~

****************************************************

~

Ant-Man

*Big on adventure !

~

The Dry Cleaners Shrunk My Suit !!!

~

****************************************************

~

Inside Out

*It’s what makes us smile and pout.

~

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~

Creed

*Really packs a punch !

~

****************************************************

~

Spare Parts

*Inspirational (and put together nicely).

~

^ Esther Williams Fans.

~

****************************************************

~

Furious 7

*The ultimate road trip !

~

****************************************************

~

Bridge of Spies

*Thanks, Hanks.

~

****************************************************

~

There you have it ! Ten of my favorite films from 2015. Let’s
take a look at some equally noteworthy titles !!!

There Are Just TooMany Movies To Choose From !

Good evening. Or Morning. Or good whatever (depending on when you’re
reading this). Ultimately, it doesn’t matter when you view this hauntingly
hilarious list. Night crawlers and day dwellers alike will be thrilled !

Well, at least I hope allof my readers will be satisfied ! Who knows what
morning-people enjoy as Count Dracula retires to his coffin ? I suppose
they watch “Good Morning America” while eating a healthy breakfast that
features grapefruit. Then, they probably go for a bike ride (even if there
is a chill in the air). Scary !!!

The chilly air is a signal that autumn winds are flushing out specters from
their shadowy hiding places. As Halloween approaches, we will be in our
warm abodes, just waiting for ghastly goblins to encroach upon our front
doorsteps. Costumed crusaders craving candy ! Trick-or-treaters !

Here are some spellbinding cinematic suggestions (to help get you past
the craziness).

Flippin’ Awesome !!!

Yet another year has flown right by, leaving us “hooked on a feeling” (with
stars in our eyes). Appropriate, because I think everyone on the planet is
counting down the days until the new “Star Wars” movie premieres !

But, before we look ahead, we must look behind. No, I’m not talking about
Niki Minaj’s “Anaconda” video. I’m talking about 2014 in film ! There were
so many memorable artistic endeavors to choose from…

Here are the tenbest:

~

*********************************************************

~

Guardians of the Galaxy

Marvelous entertainment !

~

*********************************************************

~

Fury

Tanks for the memories !

~

I’m Sorry, I Just Threw My Paper Bag Away !

~

*********************************************************

~

Life Itself

Roger Ebert will always be an inspiration !

~

*********************************************************

~

The Hobbit: Battle of the Five Armies

Warning: This franchise could be Hobbit-forming.

~

*********************************************************

~

Big Hero 6

Sounds like a deli sandwich ! Please, hold the tomatoes…

~

OK, That’s It For Autographs Today !

~

*********************************************************

~

Neighbors

I’m on team Michael Keaton.

~

*********************************************************

~

Maleficent

Angelina Jolie opens up a can of old-school Hollywood magic !

~

*********************************************************

~

The Hundred-Foot Journey

Definitely worth the trip.

~

All Great Chefs Need A Fog Machine !!!

~

*********************************************************

~

The Theory of Everything

Gets Everything Right !

~

*********************************************************

~

The Imitation Game

Accept no substitutes.

~

*********************************************************

~

There you have it, ten of 2014’s finest ! Here are a few more that should
get a nod (and a wink) as well. Some are award-worthy, and some are
just frivolous fun…

Yes, People Really Do Look Like Their Pets !

As you read this terrifying new post, I’m sure that your heart will be racing
wildly (because of uncontrollable fear). Or, possibly, because you just ate
a spicy burrito. Nonetheless, you will be quivering and shivering when you
view my spooktacular selections of the supernatural !!!

Perhaps you will be interrupted as you peruse my page. An ominous knock
on the front door is inevitable ! Open it up at your own risk, for a ghoul or
goblin might have their hand out, begging for candy. If you happen to see
a really odd guy wearing a paper bag on his head, don’t fret. It’s just Shia
LaBeouf. Poor guy. He’s one drink away from becoming Charlie Sheen !

Oh Well. He is pretty good in “Fury”, a great film that ironically didn’t tank.
Now, if you dare, take a look at my Halloween movie suggestions. Some of
them are bloody good (and some are cheesy) but they’re allfreaky fun !!!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Maleficent

* Is magnificent.

Monster House

* No, it’s not a reality show…

A Nightmare on Elm Street

* One, two, Freddy’s not through…
Three, four, sequels or more !!!

The Grudge

* Let it go already !
Read “Chicken Soup for the Soul” or something.

Darkness Falls

* Because of a banana peel.

He Knows You’re Alone

* And he finds your lack of popularity disturbing.

The Conjuring

* Every witch way but loose !

Dracula Untold

* Guaranteed to chase away your blahs.

~

^ Dracula Unwashed

~

Cujo

* Who let the dogs out ?

Shock Waves

* Surfing is not advisable.

Curtains

* Scarlett O’Hara looks great in ’em.

The Howling

* Possibly the title of Lady Gaga’s next album !

The Equalizer

* Denzel Washington has watched way
too many “Friday the 13th” movies.

January 13, 2014

Hello Everyone !
~ Welcome to Daniel’s Critical Corner~
Here is the Long-awaited Sequel to
“The Best of 2012”:

The Best of 2013

~

It would be fair to say that 2013’s movie offerings came in like a wrecking
ball, shattering records and proving that well-written sequels can dominate
the global market. Film aficionados saw favorite franchisesflourish (whilst
a few freshtitles managed to make their mark) !

Speaking of making a mark (and wrecking balls) what on Earth is going on
with Miley Cyrus these days ? She is running around in her grandmother’s
undergarments and writhing about like a heathen. Sure, she twerks hard
for the money, but she can’t compete with truly talented dancers, such as
myself…

Yes, I’ve been known to bust a fierce move when I’m attending a premier
or other such notable event. One o’ these days, Sinead O’Connor is going
to address me in an open letter ! Then (and only then) will I feel like I’ve
really impacted pop culture.

April 22, 2013

Hello Everyone !~ Welcome to Daniel’s Critical Corner*~
Prepare to be blown away by:♦♦♦♦Oz the Great and Powerful♦♦♦♦

*Nowhere near Kansas

I’ve got to admit, it’s rather refreshing to know that there are still many fans
who are totally crazy (but that’s how it goes) over anything “Oz”, even in this
day and age. Friends of Dorothy seem to be popping up all over the place !!!
You can’t watch the news anymore without seeing pretty rainbows.

Does anyone recall that strange kid in the movie “A Christmas Story” ? He is
sporting a weird aviator hat and goggles. You know, the kid who stands next
to Ralphie saying he likes “The Wizard of Oz”. Well, that is me in a nutshell !
No, not the hat part (but perhaps the goggles on occasion). I really do enjoy
tales involving the aforementioned master of magic.

I am very happy to report that Disney’s “Oz the Great and Powerful” does not
ever disappoint. People were quite skeptical that today’s filmmakers could do
the iconic source material justice !!! Thanks to smoke and mirrors, a lovely
companion piece emerges (despite what the naysayers feared).

Most folks seem to be looking for similarities to the classic 1939 Judy Garland
flick. Legendary author L. Frank Baum’s “Oz” books are indeed referenced to
some degree, but few individuals worried about that. Those showing concern
are now content (because they’re back on their meds) !

It goes without saying that we’ve all had our own “Wizard of Oz” dreams. At
least I assume so !!! My dream involved me skipping along (whilst sporting
some ruby Air Jordans). I was joined by Zsa Zsa Gabor, Jabba the Hutt and
Rex Reed. Rex kept making fun of Jabba’s weight so Zsa Zsa slapped him. I
woke up screaming !!! Rex did not look good in that famous blue and white
checkered dress. Hmm… What was it made out of again ?

~

Oppan Gingham Style !

~

You gotta love Judy Garland’s “Dorothy”. Surprisingly, Dorothy’s nowhere to
be found in 2013’s lush prequel ! All of the action takes place in 1905, many
years before the farm girl’s famed adventures. We’re introduced to someone
who might just be Dorothy’s Mom. She’s going to marry a man named “John
Gale”. Doesn’t that last name sound familiar ?

This woman is breaking things off with her old beau, “Oscar Diggs”. Oscar is a
philandering cad and flim-flam man !!! He is also a magician, with a snake-oil
salesman’s demeanor. James Franco portrays Oscar with sleazy aplomb, and
he proceeds to break hearts with an effectively deceptive smile.

In crisp black and white sequences, Oscar cons his way through a magic show
before being called out as a fraud. He is chased around by an angry guy who
looks like “Mr. Clean’s” grandfather (but he does escape him by stealing a hot
air balloon). What a gas ! Oscar’s troubles, of course, are far from over.

While he is soaring above his home state of Kansas, a terrible tornado touches
down in the balloon’s vicinity. Oscar starts praying when his fragile transport
gets sucked away by the ravenous wind.

Things eventually settle down, as calming breezes carry the frightened fellow
over a stunningly beautiful rainbow. After another scare, Oscar seems to be
alright when his dilapidated balloon basket lands in a shallow pond… Amazed
by the colorful new world he has discovered, our wet friend makes his way to
land. An attractive young woman wearing black pants greets him…

Wait a second… What’s up with the pants ? It’s 1905 for heaven’s sake. Who
does she think she is, a suffragette ? Katharine Hepburn ? At any rate, Oscar
is totally smitten ! “Theodora” (Mila Kunis) charms him with her alluring and
mysterious presence. Turns out, she’s actually a witch !

Theodora is a good witch in the land of Oz… She tells Oscar that he might just
be the wizard that her land has been waiting on, as noted in a prophecy ! She
decides to take him home (so he can meet her sister). Bad idea ! On the way
to her palace in the Emerald City, they meet a talking flying monkey and have
a brief encounter with a cowardly lion !!!

~

What Did I Just Step In ?

~

The monkey “Finley” (voiced by Zach Braff) joins them as they all go forward.
Oscar meets Theodora’s noxious sibling, “Evanora” (Rachel Weiss). Evanora
is even a bigger manipulator than Oscar, shown by the way she weaves webs
of deceit !!! Her good-hearted sister’s caught in her nefarious plot, involving
yet another witch. This one’s called “Glinda”

Glinda (depicted divinely by Michelle Williams) is allegedly a monstrous fiend.
Oscar learns that if he kills her, the entire kingdom will be his to rule, and he’ll
get a pile of gold too. Despite being somewhat unscrupulous, Mr. Diggs never
really wanted to harm anyone…

Now things start to get interesting. Oscar does have a conscience, and he’s at
odds with himself… After many years of womanizing and cheating, this man is
seeing the light. He wants to find his purpose ! He grabs his monkey and hits
the “Yellow Brick Road” in search of adventure. Don’t knock it. It worked for
Elton John. The road that is, not the monkey grabbing…

On their road trip, the duo encounter a tiny girl made out of china. The effects
used to bring this adorable character to life are simply mesmerizing !!! She is
from “China Town”, and has a courageous spirit. Joey King provides her voice,
and this porcelain princess turns out to be priceless.

She joins Oscar and Finley on their quest, as they head towards the foreboding
realm of Glinda. But when Glinda and Oscar meet face to face, sparks start to
fly. Love is in the air (along with winged baboons, balloons and houses). This
romance causes drama, when one of the sisters turns greenwith envy.

It isn’t long before the “Munchkins” come to help out… These perky little folks
sometimes get mistaken for “Oompa Loompas”.Munchkins inhabit Oz and are
basically normal citizens who happen to be small in stature ! Oompa Loompas
are orange (and only appear if you’ve had too much chocolate).

With all of the wonder and whimsy that this film creates, it’s hard to go wrong.
The colors are brilliant, the CGI is flawless and the 3D treatment is reminiscent
of “Avatar” !!! A cinematic success, this frothy flick feels connected to the old
stuff (while presenting many contemporary spins). When we are talking about
CGI tornadoes, we are talking about “contemporary spins”. Ha-ha !

Hold on to your hat. “Oz the Great and Powerful” is a deliciously wicked ride.

January 1, 2013

Hello Everyone !
~ Welcome to Daniel’s Critical Corner ~
In My Binders This Week: The Best of 2012

If you are lookin’ at this page, you’ve survived the Mayan Apocalypse ! And,
seeing as I’m writing today, I too have escaped unscathed. Phew !!! Seems
we really lucked out. Just think, at this very moment, what was once known
as Critical Corner could have instantly disintegrated, with the remains of itshandsome author orbiting Saturn !

But here we are, and no one hasflown into orbit (with the exception of Green
Day’s Billie Joe Armstrong). Our feet are planted firmly on Earth, and there’s
no zombie apocalypse. Yet ! For a moment, I really thought there was some
undead activity… It was just Queen Elizabeth’s Diamond Jubilee.

Yes, there were certainly multiple signs that the end was near ! It all started
with PSY’s Gangnam Style. Then, Clint Eastwood talked to a chair ! Omen or
not, that’s tough to ignore. However, the most prophetic indicator was when
Justin Bieber got snubbed by the Grammys. Even I was shocked !!! Nothing
cataclysmic has come of these happenings. We persevered !

Time to embrace 2013 wholeheartedly, and to recognize 2012’s bestmovies.

~

The Top Ten:

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~

ParaNorman

Rife with zany activity.

~

Yikes ! This Is Quite A Hair-Raising List !

~

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~

John Carter

No relation to Jimmy.

~

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~

The Dark Knight Rises

Like a cake !

~

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~

To Rome with Love

A great comedy from Woody Allen. Bellissimo !

~

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~

Les Miserables

Featuring the tune, “I Dreamed a Dream”. *

* As made famous by Susan Boyle.

~

Anne Hathaway’s Blue Period.

~

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~

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey

Expected to make lots of money.

~

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~

Skyfall

Chicken Little’s favorite film !

~

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~

Rise of the Guardians

Often confused with “The Owls of Googly Glen”
(or whatever it was called).

~

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~

Marvel’s The Avengers

The Justice League was not impressed.

~

I Workout, That’s Why My Arms Are Sooo Thor.

~

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~

Lincoln

Don’t hold your breath waiting for vampires to show up !

~

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~

What a chart ! Impressive as it may be, here are some other contenders.

Now, I must apologize to those of you looking for lovelorn werewolves or
foul-mouthed teddy bears !!! Some decent flicks just didn’t make my finalcut ! “The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2” and “Ted” were certainly
a lot of fun.

As for “The Hunger Games”, it left me starving for substance. But, it was
somewhat salvageable when compared to the following…

If you’re not careful, All Hallow’s Eve will sneak up on you. It creeps
behind crumbling gravestones, pouncing on unsuspecting victims just
as the October sun sets ! The vile spirits of Hallowe’en love autumn’s
lengthy and bone-chilling nights. They thrive in shadow.

Beware, for they must feed !!! When not drinking blood (or eating a
plate of brains) they feast on cinema ! No, not just any cinema. You
won’t catch any of ’em chowing down on Doris Day’s “Teacher’s Pet”.
Stephen King’s “Pet Sematary” is more their style !!!

Once, a spirit chewed on “Ishtar”, but that was because there wasn’t
anything else in the refrigerator. Nonetheless, please do stay on the
safe side. Have an ample supply o’ treats for the kiddies at the front
door (and have the following films ready for those monsters lurking
in your closet and under your bed).

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Frankenweenie

* Electrifying fun !

Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?

* I just want to know who ate my Baby Ruth…

The Creature from the Black Lagoon

* I’m not talking about Brooke Shields… Her lagoon was blue.

Suspiria

* Wasn’t that a Phil Collins tune ?

The Witches of Eastwick

* Also known as “The View”.

Dead Silence

* Marcel Marceau’s concert video.

Scream

* OK. Eyaaaaaaaaa !

Orphan

* The sun won’t come up tomorrow !

~

Ha ! Good Luck Singing That Song Again…

~

The Invisible Man

* Starring Joe Biden.

Drag Me to Hell

* Just don’t drag me to see “Hello Dolly!”

Hush… Hush, Sweet Charlotte

* We can all hear your cell phone conversation.

Diary of the Dead

* “Today at school, I finally worked up the nerve to eat Billy.”

I Know What You Did Last Summer

* Because it’s posted on Facebook !

The Monkey’s Paw

* Argues with the Monkey’s Ma.

Hotel Transylvania

* Howling fun !

Halloween

* Bad night for babysitters.

~

Jamie Lee Curtis
(Before She Became “Regular”)

~

Cujo

* A great companion piece to “Old Yeller”.

Darkness Falls

* And it can’t get up !

When a Stranger Calls

* Invite them over for a movie and some popcorn.

Repo! The Genetic Opera

* Isn’t that where Susan Boyle got her start ?

The Possession

* Is nine-tenths of the law.

Burnt Offerings

* Rachael Ray’s latest cooking show.

ParaNorman

* Fun activity !

Misery

* Loves company.

Visiting Hours

* Are over. Come back soon !!!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

There you have it ! Rehashed horror hitsfrom the Critical Corner crypt
(with some new favorites thrown in for good measure). Have a goulash,
Um… I mean, “ghoulish” holiday !