The Black Sheep

4 Best Ways to Pick Up Girls in Powell During Finals

So you’re getting ready for the finals week grind, hitting Powell daily, and one day you see the the most beautiful girl you’ve ever laid eyes on. Instantly you regret all the one night stands, deeming this girl worthy of only the purest suitor. This girl is the one you want to marry. So how do you manage to swing it? We’ve got a couple of tips.

4.) Give her your Chegg login:
Girls love money. Show her you’re a real scholar by giving her your Chegg account — it shows that you’ve got money, or at least a rich dad, and that you care about your schoolwork. She doesn’t have to know that you only use it to copy your econ homework answers 20 minutes before it’s due, or that if Chrome were to log you out, you’d have no way of getting back in. But at least you’ll have her (academic) heart.

3.) Buy her coffee:
Every girl wants a guy who’ll treat her right. Show her that you can be that guy — grab her coffee! You don’t have to interrupt her studying, either; just buy a bunch of coffee, she’ll have to drink one of them on general principle. Bonus points if you bring a candle or flowers back to the study table so she knows exactly what the play is.

2.) Ensure her love by bringing her Powell Cat:
If by some miracle she doesn’t like coffee, she’s sure to love Powell Cat. Bring him (her? it? him?) to the table. Sure, the meowing and scratching might be annoying, and she might think it’s animal cruelty, but if by some miracle she doesn’t, you’re in the clear. Powell Cat will grant you his blessings in class and in bed!

1.) Adderall:What’s the number one study tool on any college campus? A library? No sir. Toned-down, socially acceptable uppers. Think about it; it’s not the WORST pill you could give someone.