The View From the Pitch: Highlights From Week One of the World Cup

Are you not entertained? In much the same way that musicians wait their entire lives to make their first album, many of the players we’ve seen over the first week of the 2010 FIFA World Cup have been waiting their whole life to walk out onto a World Cup pitch wearing their country’s colors.

There has been a lot of hand-wringing about 1-0 and 0-0 matches, with many bandwagoneers braying on Twitter and in the media about the Cup being a letdown and a poor advertisement for the game. But that’s the thing: it’s not an advertisement. It’s a sporting competition that teams, yes, want to win, but even more importantly, and firstly, keep playing. So the opening matches have been cagey, as sides learn about their opposition and themselves.

In group play, goal difference can be the line between advancing to the knockout stages and going home. So teams are playing cautious, more concerned with not losing than with winning. That will not last. Rest assured that as we progress through the tournament, teams will go out searching for the goals it will take to move forward.

Even now the tournament is showing signs of life, courtesy of Germany’s dismantling of Australia, Argentina’s impressive victory over South Korea, Switzerland’s upset over Spain and North Korea holding their own against Brazil. After the jump, we take a look back at the week that was, both on and off the pitch.

Goals of the Week:

Maicon, Brazil vs. North Korea:

Yes, he meant it. There was a lot of debate amongst pasty, white, bespectacled pundits (like me), about whether or not Brazil’s celestial right back Maicon intentionally fired his impossible-angle bullet into the far corner of the North Korean goal, or if it was an incredibly fortunate flub.

Look, in Terminator 2: Judgment Day, when the T-1000 turns into liquid to regenerate it’s outer-shell...he obviously meant to do that, right? Well, the same science applies here. I should know, I’ve seen Terminator 2 a bunch of times. Also, little known fact: Maicon is a Terminator.

Actual explanation for what happened: Maicon kicks with his instep. If he were trying to cross, he would have used the outside of his boot. Lawyered!

Juan Beausejour, Chile vs. Honduras

Chile’s one goal of the tournament (as of this writing), while not containing any of the individual brilliance of Maicon’s strike, was still a lovely example of controlled chaos and a great advertisement for manager Marcelo Bielsa’s all-attack, 3-3-1-3 formation.

Dios mio! The Honduran goalkeeper must have felt like he was losing his virginity, watching the first scene of Saving Private Ryan and taking his driver’s test all at the same time. There are three Chilean attackers blitzing him, one guy trailing and one guy on the wing.

In a tournament that has largely been an exhibition of sitting deep and waiting to counter attack, Chile has been the Cup’s most brazen side.

Maradona Watch: Told Pele he should go back to the museum (Pele does not live in a museum); accused UEFA President Michel Platini of being French (true!), muttering, "We all know how the French are, and Platini is French." On the field, he was targeted by a laser pointer from the crowd during Argentina’s match with Nigeria and, during the same match, seemed to really enjoy kicking the ball to players for throw-ins every time it came near him. Diego also helpfully reminded everyone he preferred women and announced that he was feeling "good vibrations" about Argentina’s chances.

Sad Girl Por Vida: Yoann Gourcuff has apparently been ostracized/ostracized himself from the rest of the French side. Maybe it’s because he’s too pretty, maybe it’s because he’s shy, maybe it’s because he’s just a stuck-up, creative midfield genius.

French captain Patrice Evra, when asked how everyone was getting on, shrugged, "Yo [Gourcuff], I never hear him...To speak to Gourcuff, you have to talk to [French defensive midfielder] Jeremy Toulalan. It’s with him that I see him having a laugh."

While France’s lead up to the Cup was like a chase scene from Blues Brothers, with dune-buggy accidents and mountain bike crashes and glacier climbing (what, you haven’t sent the director’s cut of Blues Brothers?), Les Bleus’ actual time in South Africa has had more in common with Heathers. Great pate, mom!

It’s Not You, It’s Your Goalkeeping: Iker Casillas

The Spanish goalkeeper only made one mistake in Spain’s opening match with Switzerland, but it ultimately cost the Euro champs the match. As if that wasn’t bad enough, Casillas then had to suffer through a Spanish television interview where the incredible attractive reporter asked him, point blank, "How did you muck that up?" Hard enough to answer such a question, but it’s doubly difficult when the question is posed by your girlfriend. (That would be renownedbeautySaraCarbonero.)

Hero: Siphiwe Tshabalala, South Africa

Opening day of the World Cup, on your country’s home soil, with Desmond Tutu in the crowd, and you bury that? You can feel free to cash out and enjoy the complimentary continental breakfast because life is not going to get any better, my man. The Bafana Bafana’s first goal has been the most ecstatic moment of the tournament. Admit it, you’re entertained.

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