: I have been married 16 years an most of it has been good but about 7 years ago my husabnd hurt his back an the doc put him on pain pills,Darvacet and this doc was giving him plenty and has ever since until about year ago he got into some trouble an now has to see hubbie every month an gives him 180 at a time,before he would give him 180 an another to send to mail order pharmacy for 360,well this went on for years an about 2 years after begging an pleading over an over cause he would take them so fast an then be out an quite hard to live with an always searching for some-one elses like mine or his mothers,I just gave up on him,I told him he only cared about himself an I would stay in the marridge for our son but I just gave up on him cause he wasn't willing to try to get help or let me help him taper off them,I have a very painful condition which requires I see a pain doctor an I have to hide my meds from him an his 83 year mother is living with us an he takes her's,Anyway about year ago he started chatting with someone on internet an I found out he had affair with her an she was getting them for him too,it all came out because her son did some investigating an found my number on the internet an called me an we compared notes an it all added up,so this women is in love with him an she is married too,just so happens she lives about 4 hours from us,Her marridge is over but my hubbie begged me to help him an I have tried ,believe me,he promised me when he got his meds I would take them an give him what he was allowed,that lasted about 2 weeks before he said I was trying to rule his life an then he had back surgery an had a tooth get affected,anyway he has been calling 3 doctors an having pain meds called into 3 differant pharmacys in this small town an they range from darvacet,hydrocodone,percocet,demerol,tylox,an he goes thru about 20 to 30 aday no matter what the med is,nothing is strong to him,My husband has a good job an works at home an somehow for close to year he hasn't hardly put out any work,he stays on puter chatting to women all the time an I am scared to death he is gonna lose his job.I have begged an begged him to please do something,I have told him I'm afraid his whole world is gonna craze before his eyes because of this pill addiction,right now he is lieing in bed going thru withdrawls cause he has went thru about 250 in 13 days an he knows not to ask me for any,I signed a contract an only alowed so many a day an I'm not going to suffer in pain because he don't know how to take his.I forgive the affair because I felt partly to blame because I gave up on him 2 years ago an felt I should have treid harder but now after seeing how he has forgotton everything he promised me when I found out about this an he is still doing the same thing that caused us to get where we were in forst place I don't know what to do.I'm in serious pain from a spinal condition that nothnig can be done for but control with pain meds,I take 40mgOxycontin 2 times a day an 4 Norco aday along with other meds,I am on SSD for this condition,I can live without him if it comes to it but I do love him an want my son to have us both,No-one knows about this,I haven't told anyone about his problem or his affair,I have had to keep it inside me an the stress is really effecting my pain,I don't know what to do,last time he ran out he asked me if he could buy some of mine an said he didn't ask for them cause I told him he better not so buy asking to buy them he felt that was OK,We go thru this every few days,he'll run out an somehow he may go thru wothdrawl a couple days an then somehow he gets another doctor to call him in some,He was out an the dooc that did his back surgery called him in 30 vicoden es an he took them all in 24 hours knowing he didn't have any to get from anyone else,I don't understand how he can take that many an not think anout tommorrow,He has lied to me over an over about things an I always forgive him but don't have much left in me,I'm at point of about ready to give up on him again but this time for good cause stress is bad for me an why should I live in more pain because of him,He is gonna ruin this whole family because of this,he can-not continue to not work an not get caught before it's over an I'm afraid it's gonna take something really bad to happen to wake him up but it]s gonna ruin this whole family if he loses his job,He has worked with government 18 years an no-one has any idea he has this problem,He says the pills make him feel normal,without them he can't funtion but when he has them he takes so many that he still don't work an stays on chatrooms talking to women,This is waht caused him to have affair,meeting someone in chatroom an yet he still does it an i['m supposed to think nothing of it cause he promised me he would never hurt me like that again,How can I believe a lier like him>?What is wrong with me?Why do i continue to take this bull?Any advice from any addicts out there to make me understand,please help me,please,I feel my world about to come down on me,I'm taking care of his 83 yesr old mother who suffered a stroke which effected her memeory an in my condition everyone thinks I'm nuts for doing it an not puuting her in nurseing home but I love her an she done lots for us an i feel I owe her but what her son has done to me an is doing to me is just too much to live with much longer,HELP ME,,I know it should be him saying Help but he isn't,THanks for any help,WACKCAT

Hi Wackcat;

The actions that your husband displays,, according to your posting, are not of someone in chronic pain but are the actions of an addict.

You have 3 choices;

1) put up with his behaviour and hope that sooner or later he cleans up his act.

2) leave and don't look back until he can prove that he has cleaned up his act FOR A SUBSTANTIAL PERIOD OF TIME

3) Let him decide if he wants you are wants his pills. If he wants you then you both need to go to his Dr. (or Dr.'s) and discuss his problem and the solutions. Be prepared to alter your painkiller protocol (you may have to go to the pharmacy every day to get your daily supply) because if the pills are around, he will find them. A good Dr. will wean him off the meds slowly and prescribe something for the last little bit taht will help him.

It is no wonder that real chronic pain patients have problems getting prescribed what they NEED.