Tag Archives: new life

Prinzel said as I left, “There’s no perfect place.” But sure there is a place where you can be with the people who lift you up in mornings you are knocked down. There is a place where you must teach yourself to hold the tears because sometimes they just want to fall in the middle of breakfast. There is a place where there are rabbit holes to hide yourself in when tears are too heavy to hold.

My first two weeks of rehab

This is the place. Where I commute and don’t cover my nose. Where the people are not always in a rush and don’t shout out “hurry up!” Where the sky is a palette. Where I can bike downtown to the market with papa, or to my relatives with mama. Where I can murmur the words “Why, help me, I can’t go on any farther, I messed up, help me… God,” and the answers are in the waters, the sky it reflects and the wind, and all that separates this moment from the dreadful past I have run away from, and the future I have not the slightest idea of.

And what have made this transition kinder are the little things that I have found – the dance machine in the mall where I and Prinzel would meet after work, a waxing salon, a nearby day spa, and a party beach!

Here I am rebuilding my life, and hoping to remember these moments and the lessons that the Universe has been repeating, which I am slow to learn. I guess in this long life, there are just lessons that cannot be mastered in one take, so we need to repeat them. I know that no matter how I rebuild myself and emerge feeling that I’ve mastered the art of life once again, I know, for sure, one day I will break down again. But I will look back to these dreadful months and know with confidence that I will get by.

January has ended. Have you broken your new year’s resolution? Don’t give up just yet.

Remember that you will always slide, slack off and give in to temptations. It’s not the end, but a continuous process. Change did not happen on new year’s eve. It is happening every moment every day.

Last year, I made a score sheet for all my resolutions. Drink alcohol only 20 times the whole year, eat pork/beef/chicken only 10 times per month, go to bed before 10 pm, don’t be late, finish a book, learn a new skill… Every accomplishment and failure tallied.

As the months passed, I adjusted towards more “realistic” targets. And by the end of April, I completely junked the score sheet after a long vacation where I broke everything. It was a good exercise after all.

The problem is, resolutions are normally unrealistic and lacks planning. Why not do it gradually — 40 cigarettes per day, down to 30, to 20, 10… Lose 1 pound per month. Set special dates when you would indulge in a huge chocolate cake to avoid feelings of over-deprivation. At least every month, evaluate yourself and keep going.

Now start again and don’t wait for another NEW year for a shot at self-improvement. You owe it to yourself.

Ruth’s Christmas and birthday greeting was tailed by “what happened to your hair?!” I said, “new year, new life.” “Only your hair ever changes; what else has changed about you?” She’s talking about 6 years. How do I answer that through SMS?

new year, new life, new you? (photo by: marj marzan)

You don’t have to wait for turnarounds to turn life around. And turnarounds aren’t upturns (whatever that means). Yet, the calendar is a potent reminder to keep changing. And how else do we consecrate ourselves to the tides of the universe…

i gotta change

“A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing (GB Shaw).”

A life spent exploring, not afraid of mistakes, of falling. I wanted that short hair but I was scared. Sis said, “Don’t care about what people would say. What’s important is you’d be happy you got that hair, whatever the result.” Cliche but it worked. Little things indeed build character.

“A man of great common sense and good taste – meaning thereby a man without originality or moral courage (GB Shaw).”