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Today is my off day from both work and school and i pretty much stayed up all night, watching tv and now blogging. I'm a bag of mixed emotions because of the mayhem going on in my mother's house and the fact that i'm back w/ my ex boyfriend, I'm very happy about that. CG is totally out of the picture, the twat, but for the most part, I'm doing ok. I have God on my side. Truly, psalm 27 is really coming in handy during these trying times. V10: my mother and father may abandon me but the Lord will take care of me. I love the Lord and He has truly heard my cry. God is good.

CG
Well, last Saturday, i drove CG to the airport before going into work. I'd already been having my misgivings about him but I just shook them off. So, Saturday night he lands in NY. He first sent me a text to let me know he'd gotten there safely earlier in the day. He later called me to chat but my sister, cousin and i were driving to a party and were using my phone as our navi…

I've had this idea brimming in my head for about a week now and I still don't know whether I'll go through w/ it. I wanted to write a letter to my dad, my biological father. My dad wasn't the typical father. He was never around when we lived as a family and even when my mom, sibs and I moved to America, he didn't join us. He in effect left us to fend for ourselves and let me tell you, there were some days where we didn't know where our next meal would come from or even if we'd have a roof over our heads. But by God's grace and w/ a mother with the will of iron, we survived. God is good.

The reason I kept thinking about writing a letter to my dad was because my sister and I were chatting one day. She and my mom are extremely close. My mom and I love each other to pieces, but we're not close like she and my sister are. I never realized before until this convo I had w/ my sister how lacking I was.

Breasts given by Godfor nourishment for my child for pleasure for my lover My breasts prepubescently insignificant flat and bare as untiled land Budding mounds barely seen, yet noticed not yet ready to impress the world enough to impress me Firm, supple, succulent untouched by gravity gravity defying high peaks upturned points Engorged, sensitive to touch filled w/ milk to feed my babe stretched skin, darkened nipples and areolae No longer gravity defying pulled to the ends of the earth by gravity no longer upturned peaks Still found useful by my lover and me still seen as God's gifts to me no longer that of a child now those of a woman

Today's gospel in church came from Luke 15:1-32. It's about the prodigal son. The priest talked of how we should glorify and celebrate the love that God has for us, the same sort of love that the father had for his son who demanded his inheritance and squandered it. We too squander the blessing, gifts, treasures that God gives us and when we hit the lowest low, we come back to our senses, remember our father and run back to him. We all sin, that's a given, but today's sermon and reading really hit close to home about God loves us and gives us a new slate, just like the father gave his son a new chance.

Before I leave the house, I always pray for protection to and from my various destinations. On Sundays, I pray not only for protection, but when we go to church, I pray that the Spirit of God fall upon me and allow me to be present spiritually, not just physically, in church. I thank God for today He nourished me spiritually today with the gospel and the sermon and…

October 2005 Leslie sat there, still unbelieving that her best friend was gone.The funeral had ended and despite family and friends milling around, Leslie was oblivious to any of it.She just sat there, looking at the hole in the ground that contained the casket that held her love.Lester was gone.Really and truly gone.Leslie was alone and wanted to be with Lester.She was so tempted to be in that dark, empty space with him.She didn’t want to live anymore.She couldn’t cry anymore.There were no tears left.Devastation couldn’t begin to describe what Leslie was feeling.Lester, the man who encompassed Leslie’s world, was gone forever. Annabel, Leslie’s sister, didn’t know what else she could say to console her.She saw Leslie just stare into the hole and couldn’t stand it any longer.She worried for her sister because she knew Leslie would dive into that hole if she could.As she walked toward her sister, she simply wiped the tears from her eyes.Sitting next to her sister, she tried to take her i…

So, this past weekend, Caribbean Guy (CG), true to his word, came to the prewedding party and wedding and met my mother, briefly.

Prewedding Party:
My sister and I showed up at almost 11pm. CG was supposed to be there at midnight. My sis and I hung out, saw a couple of people we know and were just chilling. We didn't dance when we got there immediately. Midnight rolled around and CG wasn't there. My sis made a comment about it and asked if he was going to show and I told her that if he did, great, if he didn't oh well. I played w/ the games on my phone to occupy my mind so that I wouldn't think about CG not showing up and to keep me from looking at the time. So, I danced w/ a couple guys I knew, one a total jackass who my sister dated eons ago and a guy I met at a Labor Day party 3yrs ago, who had since gotten married and had two kids, but still looked cute. So, I was dancing with the first guy, the jackass, when I spotted CG on the side, just watching me. He…

There was a time, in my mind, where I wanted to designate Sundays as a day to post about the Lord or anything that had to do w/ God and I haven't kept to that idea. I'm a bit late, being that today is Monday, but whatever. In my prayer group today, the passage we read was Isa 45:1-23. The part about this passage that got to me and what the preacher preached on was how God does SO MUCH for us, but we still don't acknowledge him. I felt so awful, so ashamed because I can totally relate. It was speaking to me. There are so many things I want to do to change that beginning with praying to Him instead of just talking to Him and praising Him more. There was a song we sang today in church that I love. The song is called "In every age, Oh God, you have been our refuge." Great song. It went with the sermon we heard in church. The priest preached on the gospel, according to Luke, Luke 14:25-33. I loved this Sunday, because it was just a spirit-filled day and I f…

Wow, feels like I've been gone for two weeks, but only a couple days. So, this is an update from the date I had with the Caribbean Guy I met at the party I went to a couple weeks ago. It was awesome. Just awesome. Why was it awesome you ask? Because we talked for the whole night. Now, why is that such a big deal you ask? Cause before the date, we talked and texted everyday and thought we wouldn't have a lot to talk about. Let me just say that for whatever reason, before we met up, I was seriously nervous. My stomach was doing flip flops and running every which way. So, we met up, ate and just talked. We talked about everything under the sun from family to politics, our convo ran the gamete. He is wicked smart and so sweet. Such a nice guy, a really nice guy. But there is one mar to this amazing guy. He's a Republican. I'm a Liberal Democrat. LOL. Really, it's not a biggie. I know a few peeps are going to read this a make fun cause I'm gushing…