Thursday, July 16, 2009

I don't really know how to approach this post to be honest. I guess until now my posts have been well thought out and written when I'm feeling quite together.

I am NOT feeling at all together at the moment.

Life feels hard, unfair and really, really crap.

I need to know when the joy comes back- does it?! I feel so fed up and sad and jealous- why can't it be us announcing our babies' births?! I probably shouldn't be writing right now- because I am hurting so- and might lash out in pain and offend someone else when that is NOT what I want to do at all.

I am starting to feel swallowed by it all.sorry this is a 'woe is me' post.I am blessed to have so many who love me and support Jason and I through all the trials. Focus on the good stuff Sarah, focus on the good.

My throat is hurting - you know that kinda pain that restricts your throat when your heart is feeling sad?

Thank God for this little cherub- who-even though he drives me up the wall sometimes- brings so much love, joy and laughter into my world at the same time. He is the sweetest, most caring, affectionate little soul...God knew I needed this boy xx

6
comments:

Oh Sarah I am so sorry you are hurting. I can't tell you when the joy comes back because I don't yet know myself. But what I do know is that I have felt what you're feeling. I think it is normal considering the loss we have experienced. I hope you can talk to someone and let the emotions out, I know this helps me. If you need someone to vent to, you can e-mail me (you can access it through my blog.) Thinking of you.xx,Tina

ah thanks girls, it was a up and down kinda day, but- I survived!!I added your email to my contacts Tina- thankyou for that :-) I really appreciate knowing that you wouldn't mind me venting to you even though you hardly know me- you're amazing xx

Sharon - all I can say- is AWESOME! I'm so glad GOd can still use me even when I'm having a good whinge-isn't he amazing?! xx

You're absolutely entitled to have those crappy days. Nearly 4 months after Bailey's birth, I'm having some of the most difficult days, and some days I just hate everything because my little boy isn't here. It's great that we can get our emotions out, and know there are others out there who understand exactly how we feel.

Caleb is gorgeous. Our boys are such blessings, aren't they? It's great he has fun with lego - Brodie just likes pulling it a part rather than building anything. I also have times where Brodie drives me crazy (he's starting to try on tantrums), but I wouldn't have life any other way.

Im so sorry for your losses. Ive been feeling the same way lately, but some days are better than others. People tell me, "It will get easier," ...when? I dont think you should feel bad about posting your true feelings. Personally, it helps me to hear others feel the same way I do. Then I dont think Im crazy! Not that I would this pain on ANYONE, I wish nobody had to feel like this. But if that's the way it has to be, it does help to know you're not alone. My OB suggested I try to focus on the positive, but it sure isn't easy, is it? Hope you can find some peace.

About Me

I'm Sarah.This is my journey, my place to share what's on my heart.I am a mother to 1 little boy here with me,1 little star in heaven along with 2 identical twin boys who are hanging out together in heaven.
Caleb is my first born son. He was born on 24th August 2007.
Matthew and Joshua, were my second and third sons, born sleeping on the 7th June 2008 as a result of TTTS . This blog is dedicated to them.