Back?

I have been wanting to share my current feelings about our move to Devon for a while now, but it has felt inappropriate to voice my stupid, minor, first world privilege problems when so many people in the world are displaced, live in war zones, have lost their homes or live in poor conditions in substandard housing. After reading this I don’t expect (or want) anyone to sympathise with me – TBH I expect that you will more likely want to punch me in the face!!!

The fact is that I am not loving where I live. In fact, I kind of hate it here.

Firstly I must point out that I am aware that I am extremely lucky. I have a lovely house, that is warm, spacious and secure in a nice part of a first world country. I am very, very fortunate. Very lucky and very fortunate.

But I am just not liking the quiet life in the countryside. I miss living in a town and I miss Kent. And I really miss having my family close by.

So yeah, I feel shitty about this. I wish that I didn’t feel this way, but I do. Sorry again.

Its tough because Rob loves it here, but I don’t. Its such a shame because we have wanted to move house for a long time and I had high hopes that I would be happy here and that this was the right area for me. But its not.

Its funny, because moving to a nice village in the countryside is supposed to be what you aspire to. A nuclear family in a nice house, in a nice middle class village, with good schools, a church hall with a toddler club and a nice cafe where all the yummy mummys can meet up to show off chat about how their little darlings are doing.

We have all that here. But its so safe and boring and so dull that it bores me to tears.

The pace of life here is too slow for me. Don’t get me wrong, it is nice here and we could be really happy and have a good, fun, wholesome, outdoorsy life for Dylan growing up. But its just not for me.

I miss our old estate (which I never thought I would!) And I hate saying this, but I miss the supermarkets and shops of our old town. Its not so much about the shopping, but more about having somewhere to walk to and employment oppotunities (minimum-wage-unskilled-retail-work-4-lyf-4-me!!)

I guess I could learn to drive to get out the village more and eventually find a crappy job to drive to, but I am not that keen on the surrounding towns and having a car would mean that I would not get any exersize and wellbeing warm fuzzies and be skint(er) etc.

We both wanted to move here and have the fresh start that we so desperately needed. We wanted to live in a better area, which we have achieved, but we had to move to the otherside of the country to do so!

I love the beaches and countryside and our house here in Devon, but its not enough to keep me here.

The main things that I don’t like about living here are –

The isolation – it feels like we live at the end of the world here with no motorways and major rail connections.

The lack of diversity – Nuff said. In the village, its very white middle class here. Its not much better in the surrounding towns. I like people who are rough and ready from all walks of life and from different cultures and backgrounds. I do not want Dylan to grow up in a bubble.

The little differences – I miss the Kent accent and sence of humour. I miss seeing foxes go through the bins (there are weirdly none here in the countryside) and hearing areoplanes fly overhead and the hum of the motorway and the Eurostar link train in the distant background. Silly little things, I know, but things that I am used to.

My family – I miss them so bad. Its too long a journey traveling 7+ hours in the van to Kent and the Isle of Wight. I want to reduce this travel time by half and be able to catch a train on my own with D when he is older to visit them.

So yeah, I have made a bit of a major life choice mistake moving here (again, Rob loves it here but I do not). But nothing is a mistake if you learn from it. I feel daft because I really thought that this was what I wanted, but it turns out its not. I guess that you don’t know these things until you try them, eh!

So yeah, after a few tears (from me) and heart to heart discussions, we have decided to move again in a year or two. Moving and relocating is hard. And I am dreading doing it again. But unfortunately I cannot make things work here, or rather, I do not want to make things work for me here. Rob understands this and is being brilliant, agreeing that we should move, so that we can find somewhere that works for all three of us. Even though we will probably need to borrow a shitload more money and extend the mortgage further so we will finally pay it off in our eighties or something! I have properly fucked up our #lifegoals of a quieter life and paying off the mortgage early now! Feel free to punch me now – I would!!!

The next house that we move to will be in a town or small city. It will be nearer to the Isle of Wight with good transport links to London and beyond. It will have a museum, budget supermarkets, lots of traffic, shops, a Nandos, a park and good schools. All the things that 16 months ago I thought that I could live without! We are still trying to figure out where that will be ATM. Will it be Exeter (I love it there but its still a bit too far away from the fam), Southampton, Bournemouth, somewhere on the Isle of Wight (my family are emotionally blackmailing me to join them there ATM, its hard because we could significantly reduce our mortgage and be near them etc, but I am not sure its the right place for D to grow up or for me) or back in Kent in our hometown of Maidstone again?

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6 thoughts on “Back?”

Hey Helen, I’m sorry to read you’re feeling unhappy in your new area. I’m sure it’s really tough, especially with a small baby & no outlet like work to give you a break and help you meet people.
My folks were in a similar situation and it really effected my mum. I could really see her happiness and confidence erode, but they moved 2 years ago and the difference has been amazing for them. Hang in there and hopefully you’ll get the chance to move sooner than expected.
I suppose figuring out what we don’t want is as important as what we do! x

Ah thanks for your nice words. Its not that bad here. I just prefer being in a busy town. Where we live has everything we need like hairdressers, garages, butchers, bakers, a Co-Op and a Tescos and more, but its on a much smaller scale than I am used to. This is a great place to retire to (its all oldies and young families here), but Im not ready for retirement yet!

I have also found that people here are very friendly and polite, but not as outgoing as back in Kent and they don’t really get my humour etc! It feels like a different world here sometimes. I was not expecting such regional differences. My dad’s side of the family are in Liverpool, so I am used to the subtle differences between northerners and southerners, but I didn’t think that there would be any difference between the south east and the south west. Who knew?!!

On the plus side we have lovely neighbours (who moved here from London 30yrs ago) who I chat to a lot, and I know a few mums from the surgery now.

Yeah, its funny I really thought that I had figured out what I wanted, but sometimes I still suprise myself! Life throws these funny curveballs at you sometimes. I like to complicate things! xx

This is such a brave post to write – and also a brave and important thing to realise. Sometimes what we think we want, we realise we don’t, but it takes real maturity to admit to that. I hope you and Rob get the move figured out so you can be somewhere you’re much happier – good luck!

Also, I really hear you on the diversity thing. I’m not sure how I’ll cope moving from Leicester – the most diverse city in the UK, and happily so (I grew up in Bradford and you had white areas/schools/workplaces and Asian areas/schools/workplaces and there was little mixing – Leicester is the opposite of that).

Yeah, its like stepford wives round here! All the mums are size 8-12, blond and in their late 30’s+ (I know that I am an older mum, but Im a size 14/16 brunette and I got along much better with the 22yr old mums of 4 back from our old estate, they didn’t take things so seriously!)

I just think that its a little too sheltered and safe round here to bring D up. Which sounds a bit stupid, but I want him to have some street smarts! xx

Thank you saying this and not thinking that I am an ungrateful twat! Also sorry for the delay in repling – my blog is not notifying me that I have comments ATM for whatever reason!

Im sure that we will find somewhere. Everywhere has its pros and cons. We just need to find somewhere where we are both settled. In a way its harder to have the choice, because if we had a job transfer we would just relocate to where the employment is and make the most of things!

IDK, if I could I would move to Kingston/Richmond in a heartbeat. I just need to win the Euromillions to do that though! xx