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love

From the moment your belly swells with the new life inside, you develop a primal love for the child you are carrying. A love so pure you will accept the excruciating pain of giving birth, put up with sleepless nights and spend your life ensuring your beloved child is loved, safe, secure, educated and entertained.

Mother’s Day is the one day of the year your child is encouraged to show you how appreciated and loved you are. This year was the first ever I didn’t receive a glitter covered macaroni necklace or a kitschy ‘World’s Greatest Mum’ mug. This year my husband purchased a great gift on behalf of the kids, so their only input was a hand written heartfelt message in a store bought card. My nine year old son’s message will be forever etched in my mind:

“To Mum, hope you have fun. P.S. Can we go see Mall Cop 2?”

After all the dirty nappies, sleep deprivation, cooking, cleaning and playing mum’s taxi, that was my son’s heartfelt message!

Luckily he does still cuddle me and spontaneously tells me that he loves me, otherwise I might have had to put him up for adoption after his effort this Mother’s Day!

My second daughter has just had a birthday and I was reminiscing about my thoughts and feelings before her birth. I recall being heavily pregnant and being honestly concerned that there was no way I could love this baby as much as my toddler. I had just spent almost two years exclusively with my eldest daughter and loved her intensely. I couldn’t imagine having that same level of love for another human being.

The moment my second daughter was born I no longer had to worry about whether I would find enough love for her too. I realised that we don’t have a finite space in our hearts for love. I love all my children with the same intensity and on reflection I feel foolish for having worried that it may not be the case.

In fact, the amount of love I had for my two daughters only swelled when I saw my toddler cuddling her new baby sister. They are less than two years apart and today they are thick as thieves.

Even when we had our ‘surprise’ fourth child, we fell instantly in love with him and could not imagine our family being complete without him.

Love doesn’t know limitations. Our hearts are able to open up and embrace an infinite number of people. We are only limited with the number of people we can form close bonds with based upon the time available to form those meaningful relationships.

In a time where there seems to be so much hate in this world, take a moment to reflect on how lucky we are to have people around us that we love and know that there is always room in your heart to love yet another!

A parents struggle from the moment they have their child is between wanting to ensure their child loves (and even likes) them and enforcing rules that will set the basis for their child to have values and morals that will steer them through life. We have to balance giving them freedom whilst still ensuring their safety. There are no set rules about when a child has the maturity and intelligence to take on additional responsibilities, we just have to use our gut feel as to what is right for our child at that time. Sometimes that means that your kids won’t like you, but hopefully they will respect that you make decisions in their best interests. At the end of the day, we aren’t here to be their friends; we are their parents and have to take that responsibility seriously.

Kids will always play the “You’re so strict! My friends’ mums let them do x,y,z” card and more often than not it isn’t actually the case. Rather, the kids are all bullying their parents into thinking that they are the only ones not allowing their kids freedom. Often if you just talk with the other parents, you will find out that they share a common concern to you.

Years ago I saw a poem called ‘I Loved You Enough’ and it struck a chord with me. I would like to share it with all those parents who have kids who think they are too strict:

I LOVED YOU ENOUGH By Erma Bombeck

I Loved You Enough….to ask where you were going,

with whom, and what time you would be home.

I Loved You Enough….to insist that you save

your money and buy a bike for yourself even though we

could afford to buy one for you.

I Loved You Enough…. to be silent and let

you discover that your new best friend was a creep.

I Loved You Enough….to make you take a Milky Way

back to thedrugstore (with a bite out of it)

and tell the clerk,”I stole this yesterday and

want to pay for it.”

I Loved You Enough….to stand over you for

two hours while you cleaned your room,

a job that would have taken 15 minutes.

I Loved You Enough….to let you see anger, disappointment

and tears in my eyes.

Children must learn that their parents aren’t perfect.

I Loved You Enough….to let you assume the

responsibility for your actions even when the penalties

were so harsh they almost broke my heart.

But most of all,

I Loved You Enough….

to say NO when I knew you would hate me for it.

Those were the most difficult battles of all.

I’m glad I won them, because in the end,

you won, too.

When our kids are adults and are capable of looking after themselves, maybe then I can be their friend, but for now I’m just a Mother who loves her kids and regardless of whether they like it or not, I love them enough to be stricter than they want me to be and I hope that in the future they will thank me for caring, keeping them safe and raising them to be good people.

Couples generally become parents as an extension of their love and commitment to each other. What starts out as a beautiful romance culminates in creating a family together, but it is often difficult to remember the romantic days of the start of your relationship when you are being pulled in so many directions.

Having kids changes your priorities and all too often the person who used to be your number one priority in life slips down the list. Your partner can fend for himself so his needs are not as pressing as those of your sweet and innocent baby who requires your total care and attention. And honestly – it is exhausting!

It is hard to try to nurture your relationship when you have kids, but it is vital as this is a journey you are on together. This adventure all began from your love for each other and so it should continue, so that once the kids are grown up, you and your partner still remain connected.

Don’t get caught in the trap of just turning into the kid’s parents. You need to keep your identity and keep a healthy loving relationship as not only is it beneficial for you, but it sets a great example for your children to know what a loving, committed relationship looks like.

My advice is to make time to go on dates, share interests beyond just the kids, remind each other of why you love one another, make romantic gestures and communicate. Your kids will all grow up and leave home one day and that should be just the start of your next adventure together, not a time that you are left staring at a stranger who bares a resemblance to a man you once loved.

The other day I overheard a very cute conversation between Master Eight and his older sister. They had been playing nicely and then he turned to her and sweetly said ‘Did I tell you that when I die, I’m going to leave my kids to you?’ She then ruffled his hair and said ‘Cool,’ before continuing with the game they had been playing.

It is such a complex thing to decide who should be the guardian of your children, and the fact that he has decide in advance of having kids, actually in advance of hitting puberty, who will look after his kids is very cute. For a little person with no real currency, he thought of the greatest asset he will ever have, and just bequeathed it to his sister.

The funny thing is that he bestowed this greatest honour not on his sister that he plays with the most, but the one with which he spends the least amount of time. I wonder whether he felt that she was playing with him in a maternal way that would make her a good mother to care for his kids, or he just wanted to verbalise his gratitude for her company in a greater way than just saying thanks.

Either way, it melted my heart to hear him tell his sister of his love and respect for her, even if it wasn’t put in those terms.