The Shouldy Show

Watch the David and Jill FB Show
this Sunday, July 29th, 2018, 3 PM Pacific Time

I hope you can join Dr. Jill Levitt and me live this Sunday for Part 2 of our Shouldy Show! The response to Part 1 last Sunday was outstanding, and I hope you can join us again. If you attend live, you can ask questions and be a part of the show. However, all the shows are recorded so you can tune in anytime on my Public FB page!

Dr. Levitt is Director of Clinical Training at the Feeling Good institute in Mt. View, California. She is a co-director of my weekly psychotherapy training group at Stanford, and is absolutely superb. In addition, when we work together, the chemistry can be pure magic. The photo below was at our recent Sunday workshop on Advanced TEAM-CBT techniques.

On the show on Sunday, Jill and I will illustrate several powerful techniques for zapping your Should Statements, including those you direct against yourself as well as those you direct against other people you feel annoyed with.

Here’s the agenda Sunday:

Outline for the Shouldy Show, Part 2*

with David and Jill

Brief summary of last week’s FB Show (Part 1 on Shoulds) and goals for today’s show

Typical Self-Directed Should Statements (with interactions with our live audience)

I should be a better mother (or father, or therapist, etc).

I should not judge people who make racist, sexist, or gay-bashing comments. I should try to have empathy for them. I should not dislike them.

I should be the best at everything I do,

I shouldn’t make mistakes.

I shouldn’t need help for my anxiety.

I should be a perfect mother.

I should never snap at my children.

I should find time to exercise.

I should not be so shy!

I shouldn’t be ashamed of my son.

I should have known my patient was feeling suicidal / homicidal.

What are yours?

Typical Other-Directed Should Statements (with interactions with our live audience)

That driver shouldn’t cut in front of me in line!

People should be more tolerant!

People shouldn’t be so stupid!

People shouldn’t support this (or that) political candidate. They should see what a loser she (or he) is.

Watch the David and Jill Facebook Show
this Sunday, July 22nd, 2018, 3 PM Pacific Time

I hope you can join Dr. Levitt and myself live on Sunday for our Shouldy Show! We will show you how to combat Should Statements directed at yourself and others. Should Statements are probably the “stickiest” of all ten cognitive distortions, and great teachers for the past 2,500 years have tried to help humans free themselves from the “tyranny of the shoulds.” Jill and I will discuss the damage from Shoulds and how to defeat them!

I’m attaching the outline of the show, so click here and take a look if you want a little preview!

If you attend live, you can ask questions and be a part of the show. However, all the shows are recorded so you can tune in anytime on my Public FB page!

Watch the David and Jill Facebook Show
this Sunday, July 22nd, 2018, 3 PM Pacific Time

Here’s the email I received that triggered Sunday’s FB Live Show:

Dear Dr. Burns,

Would you please consider doing a detailed podcast where you show how to crush “should statements” about oneself and others? I have found your books, articles, and podcasts so incredibly informative, moving, and empowering. I am so grateful for the work you and Fabrice Nye have done on the podcasts and look forward to more.

The “Shouldy Approach to Life” is one that has not yet been dealt with as much as I’d hoped. I do not mean extreme prejudice and religious zealotry. I mean Should Statements that sound innocent and upstanding like taking a responsible and bravely conscious approach to one’s life by improving one’s health, relationships, the environment, and/or being a positive, loving role model for one’s children.

Sounds great, doesn’t it?

But it isn’t. For me, I don’t believe moral superiority is the only motivator. I am often shocked, disappointed, and/or left feeling alienated and sad by what I consider unacceptable or irresponsible behavior—mine and others.

For example, I find myself strongly disliking people who are known to make racist, sexist, or gay-bashing comments. However, I tell myself I should try to have empathy for them. In the end, any empathy cannot withstand my repulsion, so I have essentially “shoulded” both them and myself.

I find myself fighting the urge to dislike a person and often wind up pitying them. What does that accomplish?

I can guess that Paradoxical Agenda Setting could play a huge role in addressing this issue, but I feel lost in my attempts to dispel the distorted statements. Thanks so much for any consideration you might give.

Sincerely, J

Thanks J! Great question. We all get hooked by Should Statements.

I hope you can join Dr. Levitt and myself live on Sunday for the Should Show, Part 1! (We may need to consecutive shows to get through our agenda for the show.) If you attend live, you can ask questions and be a part of the show. However, all the shows are recorded so you can tune in anytime on my Public FB page!