My mom has always been on about how I look, but since I’ve turned 16 it seems to have gotten worse. She got me a fitbit that she makes me use (which I hate because it tells me I eat too many calories a day, even though it’s the recommended amount), made me diet with her, and constantly makes comments on how “I should go to the gym more,” even though I’m a perfectly healthy weight for my height. If i’m about to leave the house with no makeup on, she says “Oh why don’t you put a little foundation and mascara on before you go?” and is visibly embarrassed if she sees m in public wit none on. She also hates me wearing my glasses, as they “cover up my beautiful face” and will make more comments on them if I wear them outside the house instead of my contacts. My boobs aren’t very big, but my thighs are, so she’s always pushing me to wear push up bras and slimming clothes. It’s gotten to the point where I’m embarrassed to not be made up, am starting to obsess over my weight, and am just downright lacking in self-esteem. I’ve tried bringing it up before, but she either plays the victim or pretends like she never did any of that. Any advice on what I can do?

I am part-time vegetarian. I feel like I get a lot of flak: ”well are youare a vegetarian or not?” and ”we saw you eat meat; so why should you getthe special vegetarian food?” But I’m not waffling or being weak in myconvictions. I have good reasons to eat meat sometimes and requirevegetarian food at other times.

1) For various health reasons, I limit my consumption of meat to way lessthan the typical North American diet. Which means that if you saw me eatmeat at lunch, then it doesn’t mean I’m eating meat now; in means I HADMEAT ALREADY and NEED TO NOT EAT MEAT NOW for a day. Or two.

2) I’m concerned about the environmental impact of meat production. Thesolution to this, I believe, is to eat less meat. A lot less meat, but notno meat whatsoever. Eating meat once a day rather than 3 times a day islike driving a Prius instead of a Humvee. We don’t question theenvironmental ethics of the Prius driver for consuming some gasoline.

3) My daughter, age 10, is aware of factory farming, and horrified. Butshe loves meat. I don’t want to squash her empathy and compassion justbecause it’s inconvenient. So, we talked this over, and decided that whatwe can try to do is only eat humanely raised meat; which, in effect, meansthat we limit meat to when I get to the froofy grocery store that has thegrass-fed beef and the cage-free chickens. I think this means we will haveto present as vegetarians when we go out. Otherwise we will come across astotal snobs: “yes we eat meat… but your meat isn’t good enough.”

4) I just plain like vegetarian food and vegetables and get bored withmeat, and disgusted by sausage in my food.

It would be simpler if I could just be a vegetarian, but I like some meat,and my daughter would rebel; and, (due to reactive hypoglycemia)occasionally I desperately need a high-protein meal, and in manysituations meat is the only option.

So… I am very interested in vegetarian and vegetarian-friendlyrestaurants, what my vegetarian friends are cooking, and the vegetarianoptions in the cafeteria. I eagerly discuss these topics with thevegetarians, but then they act betrayed when they see me eating meatlater. The omnivores are just confused.

Is this all that confusing? Am I allowed some middle ground betweenstandard American “all meat all the time” and “don’t let any meat touch myfood”? How do I explain my food preferences so that I get the food I wantbut not the flak?

I’m in need of some thoughtful advice. How do I deal when friends express insecurities that feel directly hurtful to me?

I have a great group of friends who are generally loving and supportive. I am the only fat person in this group (I don’t use fat in a derogatory manner). On occasion a thin friend will make a comment about fear of weight gain or having a “muffin top” or correlate weight and health or say “I shouldn’t eat this because…”. I find these comments really hard to hear 1) because they mirror a lot of my own negative self talk and 2) because it starts to sound as if their worst body nightmare is just my body reality.

I’m doing my own work on loving my body and taking ownership of my feelings about my weight. But I too talk about when I’m feeling less than great about my physical appearance. Maybe I’m creating some kind of social cue that complaining about weight and body size is okay in general? I wouldn’t assume that a friend who discusses an ongoing frustration with acne is giving an invitation for me to complain about a zit I get once a month.

I understand that beauty culture sucks and makes many of us of feel like we’re majorly flawed no matter how we look. I’m not interested in shaming my friends about their very real insecurities, and I realize that it is likely not their intent to make me feel bad. I just wish their comments didn’t make me feel like they look at me as some kind of cautionary tale.

Is there a way to address the hurt I feel while still honoring that we all feel insecure sometimes? Or is this just something I need to work on internally?

I used to have an eating disorder. While I consider myself to be mostly well now, this has left me with some conflicted feelings about dieting.

This tends to get awkward when other people talk about their dieting. First of all, hearing someone else talk about how wonderful their diet is, how they really shouldn’t eat whatever or how they really want to lose weight can be a bit triggering for me and sometimes makes me feel like I should maybe diet too. That’s not a good thing for me.

Second, I don’t want to encourage people around me to diet. I’ve gotten fairly into fat acceptance and I don’t want to participate in the idea that losing weight will make you a happier, healthier and more attractive person, because I believe that is a harmful idea. However, I don’t really know how act around someone who tells me they’ve lost weight without doing either that or coming across as an unsupportive jerk.

Is there a way for me to make other people not go on about how great their diet is and other things that are hard for me to hear, preferably without telling them about my history with eating disorders or coming across like a jerk? And is there a way for me to deal with dieting people that is neither encouraging nor… well, jerkish?

What’s that book about how French ladies don’t get fat because every once in a while they eat nothing but a cleansing broth made of leeks or something? Who cares. Anyway, the author had one good point. Even if you are not actively policing the bodies of and making it weird for the people around you (as in people with eating disorders, or fat people who receive constant judgment and shaming around eating):