Leaked court papers show that the divorce between Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes is down to one irreconcilable difference, Holmes’ distinct lack of a penis.

The celebrity couple are set to be the latest high profile divorce case which for some reason the American right doesn’t seem to think affects the ‘sanctity of marriage’.

As one celebrity analyst explained, “It’s sad, but they’re just too different – Katie is simply not a male human, which as everyone knows is very different to being a woman.”

“The penis is very different to a vagina, and unfortunately for Tom that difference has proven irreconcilable.”

“I’m sure they’ve done their very best to get over it, but sometimes not having a penis is just too much for a man like Tom Cruise too look past.”

Cruise Holmes divorce

Fans of the couple have suppressed their shock long enough to pick up their winnings from the nearest bookmakers.

Celebrity couple follower Simon Williams told us, “That announcement is worth £250 to me, though if they’d only done it back in 2007 I could have bought a small car. If you could merge John Travolta and Tom Cruise I’d be sitting on a new boat right now.”

“I’m not saying that a woman can’t make Tom Cruise happy, I’m just saying that she’ll need a penis to do it.”