7.09.2013

Living Vicariously Through Others and Loving It

I recently added my 1,000th Facebook friend, which for some is ho-hum
and for others is outrageous. I consider myself pretty introverted and
not super social, but I am fascinated with people and have a desire to
see how a wide range of folks are doing. So, without sounding too
stalkerish, I’m glad I have a window in on how 1,000+ of my friends,
family members, colleagues, and acquaintances are doing. And I suspect
that most people on social media are the same way.

What
can be dangerous about social media is if our look-ins into other
people’s lives make us feel bad about our own lives. Whether it’s
business (“I just got a promotion!”) or personal (“what fun we just had
at Machu Picchu!”), others’ posts can make us feel we’re not really
living life to the fullest by comparison. Never mind that with 1,000+
connections, even if everyone takes vacation one week a year, that means
that on average 20 of my connections are having the time of their lives
at any given time. When we’re bombarded by all this excitement, it can
make our lives seem like Dullsville City.

If we get
like this (And who doesn’t? I know I do), our problem isn’t social
media. (Although neither is there anything wrong with social media
“fasts,” which can be good for the soul.) Rather, the problem is within
us, and it is a common one to modern-day Americans. And that is the
problem of contentedness.

The fact of the matter is that
more – more money, more possessions, more experiences – doesn’t
necessarily make us feel fuller. If we think this way, then not only
will more not help, but seeing others getting more will make us feel
emptier. (As I reread this myself before hitting “Publish,” I’m nodding
my head sadly at all the times I’ve been guilty of this.)

The
Christian perspective is that discontentment is a sin, not because
being unhappy is morally evil but because we believe in a God who knows
us and provides for us perfectly, and so for us to look around at what
we don’t have and sulk about it is to say to God that He either doesn’t
know us well enough, doesn’t have our best in mind, or hasn’t provided
for us sufficiently. In other words, discontentment is a direct offense
against what matters most to God, which is that we honor Him as
all-knowing, all-loving, and all-sufficient.

But you
don’t have to be a Christian to have a reason to root out
discontentment. Let me repeat: it won’t come from “just a little
more.” There’s nothing inherently wrong with more money, more stuff,
more accomplishments, or more experiences – in fact, I’d argue that
they’re usually very positive things – but if they are sought after to
fill a hole in your life, they won’t fill that hole.

Gratitude
can seem corny. It’s edgier to complain, to mope, to grumble at
others’ success or happiness. But it’s a far fuller and nicer life than
one characterized by discontentment. When you see a Facebook friend
post about their new love, an awesome family experience, or a big
professional success, and you are genuinely happy for them, and yourself
feel fuller and not emptier for it, isn’t that a better place to be?
Isn’t that something to aspire to? I think so.