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If I learned anything from my days at the super gay New Conservatory Theatre Center in San Francisco, it's that, no matter how serious the subject matter of a play, you have to make promises of naked skin in order to ensure robust ticket sales. Sure, you'll end up with a few creepy dudes in the front row who will start moaning in the middle of a rather riveting scene (I'm not making that up!), but, in these tough economic times, there's no difference between normal money and crazy money. Money is money.

So, even though my stage adaptation of Scott Heim's Mysterious Skin is my first serious drama and even though it's thoroughly un-sexy and even though it's not really a "gay play" per se, East West Players made a promo video in which they pulled one of the hot actors aside and said, "Take off your shirt," like he was nothing more than a piece of meat. 'Cuz he is. (You know I love you, David!—I'm just kidding! [But not really.] No, really! [But not really.]) Watch: