Now that the Apollo and Metropolous & Co. have officially bought the Twinkie—in an auction that drew precisely one bid, theirs—the private equity firms have figured out how to turn around a company that other private equity firms couldn't/ran into the ground. First, they're not going to rehire everyone. Second, they're going to outsource distribution. Lastly, and most importantly, they're going to hire Zach Galifianakis or Will Ferrell.

Earlier today, the Times reported that former Goldman Sachs employee Greg Smith-- he of third place Maccabiah Games finishes and very public breakup letters fame--, along with his newly acquired agent (Paul Fedorko), have been making the rounds at various publishing houses for the last week, pitching a book CNBC's Kate Kelly saysmay go for more than $1 million at auction. It’s still in the early stages, though, and most likey untitled. So! Let’s do him a solid and come up with some options. The tome is being pitched as a "coming-of-age story, the tale of someone who came into the business with good intentions and sky-high ideals that were ultimately pierced by Goldman’s obsessive focus on making money." So far all we've got are "Why They Don't Hug Anymore At Goldman Sachs," "Sixth-Balling Your Clients-- A Story Of Goldman Sachs," and "Den of Thieves: Tripping Over Ethics And My Shoe-Laces At Goldman Sachs." Surely you can do better.