Tori Spelling’s Husband Is a Dick

Fuck you, Dean McDermott. Mostly for making me feel bad for Tori Spelling. I’d like to heap a whole lot of condolences into her gaping chest maw this morning after reading of her husband cheating on her. Generally, I could care less who sleeps around with who. Married, unmarried, people get horny and lonely and pissed off and greedy and all those other lesser angel crap that makes them do things at night they probably wouldn’t do in the morning. That’s human nature. But Deam McDermott is one of those mostly unemployed actor dudes who likes to bang babies into women then bitch about how they’re all fat and pregnant like. Dean ditched his first wife and kid when he fell madly in love with Tori on the set of their shitty Lifetime movie seven years ago. Right off the bat that puts him in the questionable camp. He then proceeded to plow four babies into Tori in the course of a few years, one time knocking her up just a few months after she popped out one of his brood. I’m sure the sight of Tori Spelling all greasy and splayed out from her last delivery was too much for this walking fruitful and multiply hard-on to handle. You know, despite not really having a job. Every sperm is sacred. Now, after the fourth kid knocked Tori back into the hospital for four months pre C-section delivery, Dean McDermott is picking up chicks on the side complaining about how he and his wife have a boring marriage.

“He told me he and Tori had a sexless marriage. I believed him.”
— Emily Goodhand, some tart in Toronto who shagged Dean McDermott in his hotel room.

Yes, dumbass lay of the evening. He has four kids under six. Nothing says sexless like a room full of babies. Did he also say he has creative talent just waiting to be exposed with the help of the right woman? Jesus, twatty, you’re probably walking around with one of his offspring in your belly right this second. How far do you think his part-time Chopped Canada food TV appearance money can spread? Tori and Dean have already copped to being on a tight budget, what with the man not working and Tori being cut-off from her dead dad’s Charlie’s Angels fortunes. I’d love to take the side of guy here, but dudes who intentionally make babies they don’t intend to care for, they don’t belong in the club.