Rarely will objectivity be met without a slant. Embracing that slant, highlighting it, sometimes exploiting it, here are the stories that dare to address certain realities without fear of exposing the flaws.

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Miss America 2007

John Bonus's commentary on last night's crowning of Miss America 2007 is funnier than this blog, and you can read it here. Since you are still on this site however, let me regale you with my version:

I watched the last 37 minutes of the pageant. When I say I watched it, I mean that I curled up with a book and turned away from the TV, using it instead as white noise. The adorably dimpled Mario Lopez was not entertaining enough for me to actually face the TV. Neither were the plastic smiles of the contestants. The dresses weren't even interesting enough for me to "MST3K" them. (That's MST 3000... Mystery Sciene Theater 3000?? Oh, nevermind).

For a moment, I allowed nostalgia to creep in during a commercial break. Growing up, the one TV set that existed in my grandparents' house was always turned to the Miss America, Miss Universe, Miss USA, Ms. America, Ms. Rich Divorcee... whatever pageant the "main 3" aired. Usually I would've preferred whatever else was on another channel, but it was my grandfather's call, as he ruled the get-up-to-change-the-channel TV set.

My grandmother used to comment on the gowns, the hair, and the smiles. My grandfather used to comment on the talent competitions when they showed them. My dad used to stay long enough to leave without drawing attention to himself. Lucky him. And sadly, because I was micro-managed, my homework was always done, so I was without a better thing to do than spend time with the family watching aforementioned pageant.

What I remember about the Miss America pageant as a child is that it was always on CBS, ABC, or NBC. Last night it was on CMT (??!!). I missed that transition to cable. I also remember that the questions were slightly more relevant and that the answers attempted to make sense and not be a platform for comedic one-liners, or jumbled (badly jumbled) feel good blubber that left the audience asking "what did she say?"

Through the white noise, I did hear the question and answer portion of the evening, and I thought Miss Texas gave the best answer. The relevance of such a pageant can be summed up in my next point: I don't remember the question, and I don't remember her answer. I just remember thinking that of the three finalists, she did the best.

Still nostalgic about the pageant and my childhood as they pertain to each other, I have come to understand that some things stay the same. Despite Miss America's hundreds of appearances during her reign, I've never seen "her" in any year, nor heard of "her" appearing anywhere near me. I suppose the best girl won, in that subjective sort of way that the judges wield their decision-making power, and next year I won't remember her when she crowns the new Miss America. Hell, next year, much like last year, I probably won't even notice.