My first sexual experience was rape. No don't give me sympathy, I was lucky he didn't press charges.

People are arguing whether Mel Gibson's "Passion of the Christ" is anti-semitic. Well, whether it is or it isn't, it doesn't matter, because I've been in touch with his accounting firm, Rosencrantz, Levy and Stern, and they're screwing him out of his profits.

The psychic scars caused by believing that you are ugly leave a permanent mark on your personality.

They almost had to cancel the Oscars tonight because all of the designers and stylists are still in line in San Francisco trying to marry one another.