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Tales from the Public Restroom

We've all been there.
You're out and about have to "use the facilities" really badly so you dive into the nearest bathroom you can find. What you may find in there, however is always a surprise. It seems not everyone uses those facilities the same way, or indeed for the same purpose.

Today I was in the ladies bathroom at Sears in downtown Vancouver and both of the stalls were occupied. A stall door opened, without the usual preceeding toilet flush, and a really tall girl wearing tights and heels walked out.

I go to enter said stall, and notice that the toilet was clean, and the seat had not been peed on (this is a Big Deal in this town because 9 times out of 10 in this town someone's pissed on the seat).
I look at the floor and oh shit. She's peed on it. There's a big ole puddle right in the middle of the stall.
Fucking. Great.

I wait for the next stall, and lo and behold, the old lady who was in there before me had let loose her bladder all over the fucking seat.

I give up, and resign myself to standing cross-legged on the escalator to use the bathroom on the upper level. No, I did not pee on the seat or on the floor.

So tell me, SE++, what sort of horrors has a bathroom wreaked upon your life.

Trillian on February 2011

They cast a shadow like a sundial in the morning light. It was half past 10.

I once walked up to the entrance to the men's room at a large train station, there was a dude covered in blood, blood all over the walls and police standing around.
I held it until I got home instead.

A co-worker of my brother from years back found $20,000 in a hand bag and kept it. No one is going to claim (presumably a drug drop) that if you turn it in to the police lady, and you get it after a few months.

I also have walked into a men's room to find blood on every stall seat. I held my poop in instead.

I basically never used the bathroom at my highschool. It was disgusting. It did help that I lived 5 minutes walk away and would just go home for lunch anyway.
I've been told the female bathrooms there were worse.

I work at a University, so my work restrooms are used by a variety of people.
The strangest thing I've seen is the shrine incident.

Monday through Thursday, some time between 1 and 5 PM, some one would go into the same stall and use the restroom.
After they were done, they'd lift the seat and cover the thing in toilet paper. Never flush.

Now, when I say cover, I mean they'd turn the damn thing into an artistic homage to their excrement.

Sometimes it would be streamers starting from the center and flowing around the bowl.

Sometimes paper would cascade from the top of the toilet lid and into the water, then out again - like a waterfall.

Once paper was laid criss-cross across bowl opening like a basket weave.

I work in an office building that really isn't that big. We've got the office I work at, which has about 12 guys. Ours is the biggest in the building. Then there's also like 6 other smaller offices, each with like 2-5 employees. There's one public restroom, openable only with a key (okay, well, not exactly public, but shared by all the offices), shared by only about 15-20 guys total and cleaned spotlessly every night it seems.

I haven't been able to figure out who, but apparently one of the dudes is the incredible hulk when it comes to shitting. Twice has damage happened to The Coveted Handicrapper Stall. Once, the sliding lock-bar was snapped completely in half. I'm imagining some poor dude playing angry birds on his iphone while he drops the kids off at the pool and suddenly HulkShitter bursts in like a police raid.

Secondly, and I don't even know how this happened, half the toilet seat was broken off. The weird part was nobody ever found where the part broken off ended up.

This is kind of embarrassing for me as well as the other kid but in high school I really had to go number 2 so I run to the closest bathroom. There was only 2 stalls if I recall correctly (this was almost 10 years ago) so I sit down and try to do my business and I notice this noise coming from the next stall, this kid's belt buckle keeps making a clanking noise. I am almost 100% positive he was masturbating and I am farting and shitting up a storm but despite a few pauses he keeps on going.