Jack Canfield on Resiliency

So, maybe you didn’t have the best childhood, or maybe you grew up with every privilege under the sun. It really doesn’t matter. It’s really all about how you come out of the situation and how you respond to the situations you’ve been through. Through this, you provide your children with the ultimate example of resiliency and success.

“Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of life’s longing for itself. They come through you, but not from you. And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.”- Khalil Gibran.

Wow. Such an impactful statement, but one that might be hard to put into practice. We want so much for our children to have the best of everything that we sometimes lose sight of our role in their lives. Sometimes we forget that our children are their own person, not a smaller replica of ourselves. In not understanding this difference, we may try to put our children in activities or situations we wish we would have had for our own childhoods.

Jack Canfield on Intention

But, it’s also about having the intention and willingness to put in the time. Jack had regrets and guilt in parenting, but he was able overcome those feelings because he knew he had to be the best example as a father. He knew he had to love each of his children individually. There’s a lesson here: you’ve got to love each child the way they want to receive it, not the way you want to give it. Accept your child for the person they are, not for whom you want them to be. Sometimes we try to turn our children into the children we wished we could have been or have the opportunities that will make us look like good parents. You have children; you are not your children. You have to let them be themselves.

Correcting Behavior and Praise

When children make mistakes, instead of constantly correcting them for what they have done wrong, point out what they have done right. Leave it there. Then, when they attempt the same task again, praise what they did the time before and then give a suggestion regarding the part of the task they need to correct. If you have young children, be careful with how you approach moments where they fail and succeed. Between the ages of 3-8, Jack says, research indicates that their self esteem is at its most vulnerable. Granted, during their entire childhood children are building their self worth, but it is these years that seem the most critical.

Jack Canfield and The 30 Day Sobriety Solution

But being the best parent for our children stems, as we’ve seen so many times on the GDP, from how we respond to challenges in our daily lives. Jack approaches this in his new book, 30 Day Sobriety Solution. You may not be an alcoholic, but Jack says in his book that even when we are casual, social drinkers, we still may be using that glass of wine or a beer to “wind down” or “take the edge off.” You may even find that when you have that drink, you aren’t really present for those you love: you’d rather fall asleep instead of reading your child that bed time story after the simple glass of wine (or two). Maybe you question how you’ll enjoy a night out without that one drink, or how you’ll get through that social work setting without the beer. But as Jack points out and his book addresses, there may be some underlying factors we may be covering with that drink.

It’s about being your BEST SELF

It’s really about being your best self in all aspects of your life-putting down a drink may just be one of them. Jack’s advice? Be as committed to being a great dad as you are to your job, your hobby or other things you find important. If you want something different, you have to do something different. The choices you make and actions you take today determine your outcomes for tomorrow.

George Bryant – Marine, New York Times Bestselling Author, Bonus Dad, Founder of Civilized Cooking Caveman

Marine, successful author, innovator in the field of the Paleo Diet. These accolades don’t exactly trigger images of someone you might believe has had to battle through some of life’s greatest challenges.

Though, George Bryant is just that man. It is only through his incredibly difficult childhood, one of tremendous neglect and abuse, that he found his true strength. George has taken what could have been one heck of an excuse to opt out of being successful in life and turned it into the ultimate inspiration.

George Bryant on Authenticity

The tough guy exterior can only get you so far. It’s blending that “though guy” with a vulnerability that makes you a whole man. You don’t to have a pack of Kleenex on you 24/7, but finding a way to open yourself up to the possibility of being vulnerable, might just open the relationships you have, in every aspect of your life, to greater level.

Struggles will make you stronger

Many times on The GDP, we’ve had guests express the importance of coming to peace with yourself. Embracing whatever past hurts, either from childhood or adulthood, allow us to be more present to others at home, at work and in every relationship. If we bury these emotions or hurts, they will manifest themselves in other, possibly negative, ways.

George Bryant manifested his hurts in binging and purging. (READ: Eating a bunch of food and then proceeding to throw it up.) Every time he would feel pain, this cycle would start. It only stopped and his incredible success story began when he finally faced his past. Now, he conquers food like a cave man, and is an inspiration to many others; namely his “bonus daughter” (step-daughter) and his wife.

Being at peace with your past

Granted, not everyone has had a really tough childhood, or gone through horrendous change in their lives, but each of us can learn to turn negative situations into empowering opportunities. It’s these opportunities where we get the chance to show our kids how to be resilient and grow from pain or failure. George says it’s in these times that children will ask “why?” In the midst of our own pain and angst, we may just want to brush them off. Look at this differently, though says George. These children look to you for guidance. As a matter of fact, the mere act of their asking you why is because they respect your opinion. Wow. That, in itself, should be motive enough for answering that little question. In doing so, you show your children that you respect them, too, and that they matter. Being at peace with your past and opening up to vulnerability is tough, but the rewards are infinite-cave man or not.

George Bryant Links:

If you enjoyed this episode Learning from Life’s Big Challenges and becoming a Bonus Dad with George Bryant. Leave your comments below as we would love to hear your thoughts so we can continue to provide you with content you enjoy.