I'm now more curious about why your boyfriend would tell you one of his female friends told him you aren't good enough for him, as that sounds like what happened.

I had a girlfriend that really wasn't good for me. At all. One of my friends said "She isn't good for you Glittler, she *lengthy list of why I should steer clear of this person*", I listened to them and considered the information. I didn't go to to her and say "Friend says you aren't good enough for me, lol right?", I never told her what my friends thought actually. I just broke up with her (eventually, I saw what my friends were saying).

I'm now more curious about why your boyfriend would tell you one of his female friends told him you aren't good enough for him, as that sounds like what happened.

POD. This is the more disturbing part of the situation, to me. I would never want to hurt someone I care about in this way. I cannot fathom the BF's reasoning for telling the OP this, unless he wants her to feel insecure.

Find out why they think that, but take it with a grain of salt. Their comment really reflects on them, not on you. (for instance, when DH and I announced our engagement, his BROTHER said that he was settling, and that I wasn't good enough. found out later that it was because I didn't come from money, but HIS fiance (now wife) did. They tried to set him up at their reception, in front of me, with her college roommate.) So don't just take her comment at face value. It may be a personality conflict with your girlfriend that she may not even know about.....

Find out why they think that, but take it with a grain of salt. Their comment really reflects on them, not on you. (for instance, when DH and I announced our engagement, his BROTHER said that he was settling, and that I wasn't good enough. found out later that it was because I didn't come from money, but HIS fiance (now wife) did. They tried to set him up at their reception, in front of me, with her college roommate.) So don't just take her comment at face value. It may be a personality conflict with your girlfriend that she may not even know about.....

POD to the bolded, with the added comment that the fact the BF told the OP also reflects poorly on the BF, in my opinion.

No comment to add on the specific occurrence, but there are times I wished my friends HAD spoken up and said something before I invested too much in a relationship- rather than after the fact, when I'd already figured it out for myself.

I'm now more curious about why your boyfriend would tell you one of his female friends told him you aren't good enough for him, as that sounds like what happened.

POD. This is the more disturbing part of the situation, to me. I would never want to hurt someone I care about in this way. I cannot fathom the BF's reasoning for telling the OP this, unless he wants her to feel insecure.

Exactly where I was going with this, too. I had a boyfriend who was fond of telling me his mother didn't think I was good enough for him. Needless to say, he didn't think I was, either.

If it were a friend telling me this directly, that's one thing. But an SO repeating it to you is something else entirely.

I'm now more curious about why your boyfriend would tell you one of his female friends told him you aren't good enough for him, as that sounds like what happened.

POD. This is the more disturbing part of the situation, to me. I would never want to hurt someone I care about in this way. I cannot fathom the BF's reasoning for telling the OP this, unless he wants her to feel insecure.

Exactly where I was going with this, too. I had a boyfriend who was fond of telling me his mother didn't think I was good enough for him. Needless to say, he didn't think I was, either.

If it were a friend telling me this directly, that's one thing. But an SO repeating it to you is something else entirely.

This raises my hackles, too. What on earth would the purpose be other than to drag down your self esteem and try to make you feel "lucky" to have him. Ugh.

There's a difference between "she's not good for you," which is something a good friend should be able to say, and "she's not good enough for you." The second implies that you should be dating someone prettier, smarter, richer, classier, rather than there's anything actively harmful about them.

I'd be pretty angry if someone told me the person I loved "wasn't good enough for me." It insults both the person, and my taste.

Logged

My cousin's memoir of love and loneliness while raising a child with multiple disabilities will be out on Amazon soon! Know the Night, by Maria Mutch, has been called "full of hope, light, and companionship for surviving the small hours of the night."

There are a few female friends of mine whose opinions I trust so much that I'd want to know why they feel that way, and I'd seriously consider their opinions.

For any other female who made that comment to me, my response would be something along the lines of "Are you jealous?"I'd go with that, but don't say "Are you jealous?". I had a school friend who though her younger sisters fiance was not good for her, and said so, and the family accused her of being jealous and not wanting to see her sister happy. They did get married, and he was unfaithful to her, and tried to blame her (If you hadn't taken the kids to visit my Mom, I'd never have done it)

There's a difference between "she's not good for you," which is something a good friend should be able to say, and "she's not good enough for you." The second implies that you should be dating someone prettier, smarter, richer, classier, rather than there's anything actively harmful about them.

I'd be pretty angry if someone told me the person I loved "wasn't good enough for me." It insults both the person, and my taste.

Yes, this exactly. "She's not good for you" is about the relationship; "she's not good enough for you" is about the person not being on the same 'level'.

I think that a lot of times, a friend saying "not good enough for you" really means "a bad match" but they're trying to be lighthearted about it. Basically trying to ease into a serious discussion.

It really depends on the nature of the friend trying to have this conversation. They have to be close enough to have such an intimate conversation.

But if my BF shared this information with me, I'd be wondering if he was good enough for me. That seems to only be motivated by wanting to hurt you. That and you don't like his friends or the way HD conducts his social life would have me thinking

It also depends on how the conversation got to the point where the friend made the comment. A platonic male friend has made a number of comments to me about ways in which he's unhappy with his girlfriend, and I finally said that it seems like they're incompatible in certain areas. I can't imagine that he then said that to his girlfriend, though.