Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Revolution. I am occasionally in the rather uncomfortable state of revolution.

In my last post I said that I was in a constant state of evolution. That is true. And it is that very thing which causes me to be in a state of revolution from time to time. There are times when I or someone else want to overthrow a habit or belief that I have. The ensuing battles make my very uncomfortable!

What happens when someone questions something you have done or said? Maybe it was a friend or family member talking with you or maybe you heard something in a homily or talk that made you stop in your tracks and say, "What? Are they talking about me? Do I really do that?"

What happens when someone changes and reacts or lives or responds in a way that is different from your presumptions? Maybe it is something small and you just let it slip on by or maybe it is something bigger that makes your mind stop and say, "What? What just happened? Did they really do that?"

It is at these times in our lives that revolution occurs. Has it happened to you before? Maybe you have been on the receiving end or maybe you have been on the giving end. Maybe a revolution was warranted or maybe it was a battle that needed to be walked away from. Maybe the revolution was trying to challenge you and lead you on a better path or maybe it was attempting to draw you away from the path God intends for you to follow.

People have certain expectations of you just as you have certain expectations of others. The closer you are to someone, the more you can predict what they will say or do, how they will react or feel in a given situation. What happens, however, when someone doesn't respond as you expect? What happens when someone has a strong opinion which differs from your own? Have you ever needed to hold to a conviction? Have you had to make an unpopular stand? Does this cause a revolution? Will it be long lasting? Will the relationship be severed, will it be cracked, or will common ground be reached? These, by far, are the most difficult revolutions for me.

On another note, many times in your life a revolution is taking place and no one even knows about it because it is happening within you. Sometimes you feel that little nudge from your conscience requesting attention. Sometimes you feel that twist in your stomach that calls for consideration. These things may occur for various reasons. Maybe you have said or done something yourself in a manner you shouldn't have or maybe you are making a life choice that is taking you away from God or maybe you witnessed an incident and remained silent when you should have spoken up or maybe it is one of the hundreds of other things you must grapple with throughout your lifetime. What happens when you address these promptings within your heart? For me, at this point either a mini revolution will occur or a massive drawn out war will take place. I know that at times I have lost the battle and continued to do what I shouldn't and other times I have come out victorious.

A sudden, complete, or marked change in something is revolution. That can be a good thing if you are battling to better yourself and inspire others to do the same. Seek answers. Engage in discussion. Fight for the right. Reflect thoughtfully. Share your beliefs. Do all of this with love.

I still have a long way to go on my journey and many more revolutions await me. I hope that I always remember that my battles are not with other people or even myself, per se, but that these battles are opportunities for me to grow in my faith. And although we may feel alone on our journey, like a soldier on the battlefield we are not alone. God has given us each other so that we may lift, support, encourage, help, listen to, and even challenge one another.

Thank you to those who help me every day. Because of your caring, I am able to endure the discomfort of the revolutions I face and am able to rejoice in the tranquility of the peaceful times. I hope I do the same for you.

Count it all joy, my brethren, when you meet various trials, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." James 1:2-4

Monday, June 10, 2013

"People can't change." That is something I hear frequently. However, I don't believe that to be true. People are indeed changing all the time, whether they are aware of it or not. We are like the shoreline of a beach. You may return to the beach day to day and not really notice any change. Yet the tide has come in and gone out; it isn't quite the same as it was the day before. A storm may roll in shift things on the beach or push seaweed and rocks and shells onto the shoreline. We can see this change. Or there may be a devastating whirlwind that changes the landscape of the shoreline and we can barely recognize it. So it is with us, I think.

These changes can be positive or negative; they can be beneficial or detrimental. And these changes, I dare say, are occurring all the time.

Elementary school was difficult for me. Being the youngest in a large family I wasn't quite certain who I was outside of my brood of brothers and sisters. I had asthma as a toddler and the medication that was required discolored my permanent teeth which made me very self conscious. I was shy and tentative and lacked self confidence. Wanting to fit in, but not knowing how, was a big struggle for me. Often times I was made fun of and, when someone else was being made fun of I have to admit that I readily joined in because I was so grateful that the hurtful words weren't directed at me. That is something that I still regret.

At this time of my life, I was quiet and docile and just wanted to be accepted. However, after being hurt so often I started shoring up my shoreline, so to speak. Wanting to protect myself, I began to put up some barriers. Some of the barriers were strong, like a stone wall and others were softer like reeds. Both offered me various forms of protection.

In high school I was still struggling with a desire to be liked and fit in and be what I thought the world wanted me to be. I never felt like it was okay to just be me. There would be times when I could truly be myself, but more often, I was putting out there what I thought would be best received from other people.

College began to crack the protective walls I had put up. This was the first time I was away from my family and just on my own. It was exhilarating and frightening all at once. Still struggling with what I thought I needed to be for the world, I partied and laughed and struggled to find my place. It was during these years that I began to realize it was okay to just be me. Once this realization began to set itself in my soul, I was finally able to begin to become who God intended me to be in this world and not who I thought I was supposed to be in this world. It was at this time that those walls began to crumble.

Marriage and motherhood have been the largest blessings for me and have made my shoreline far more beautiful and warm and welcoming. Being a wife and mother give me the space to really reflect and pray. These roles allow me to spread my wings and soar. It has been during this time in my life that I've come back to the one thing that has always made sense to me; the one thing that has always made me feel safe and whole - and that is my faith.

Life is evolution. I am evolving, sometimes for the better, sometimes not. Hopefully, more often for the better. The reeds and stones can be beneficial as long as I allow people in to get to know me. I am a woman of faith, but I love to laugh and have fun. I am a woman of prayer, but love to have a nice, long chat over a cup of coffee. I am a woman of God, but am bolstered by my relationships and friendships.

"People can't change." They can and they are - every moment. I think we need to do all we can to inspire positive evolution in each other. I think we need to do all we can to evoke beneficial evolution in ourselves. We are the shoreline. Some of us are the rocks. Some are the grains of sand. Some are the drops of water. Some are the reeds. Yet together, we can make a most beautiful landscape.