A Small Town Girl Exploring the World

Freedom Friday: The Sapsuckers Edition

Hello Everyone!

Can you believe that we are less than three months away from 2011?! Like the old folks used to say, the older you get, the faster time flies. However, this is quite alright as long as we make each and everyday count! It’s about becoming the best human being I can be on this earth. This is why it is so important to be aware of who surrounds you. For years, I had allowed myself to be surrounded by sapsuckers. Yes, you heard me correctly. Sapsuckers. Those folks who emotionally drain you. I found myself in this situation because I didn’t want to hurt the person’s feeling by not listening to them. Or I didn’t want to seem rude or unsympathetic. However, over time, I was enabling a sapsucker, which eventually killed the friendship. The only thing we had in common were their problems. The sapsucker can be selfish because the relationship is actually one-sided.

So, how do you know if you have a sapsucker in your life? I think sapsuckers can drain you in various ways. Life coach Cheryl Richardson has written about six types of toxic personalities (i.e. sapsuckers)

The ComplainerThis person constantly complains about what isn’t working in their life and yet gets energy from complaining about their frustrations.

The DrainerThis is the needy person who calls to ask for your guidance, support, information, advice or whatever this person needs to feel better in the moment. Because of their neediness, the conversation often revolves around them, and you can almost feel the life being sucked out of you during the conversation.

The ShamerThis person can be hazardous to your health. The shamer may cut you off, put you down, reprimand you, or make fun of you or your ideas in front of others. The person often ignores your boundaries and may try to convince you that their criticism is for your own good. The shamer is the kind of person who makes you question your own sanity before theirs. Side note: From personal experience, I believe this is the most dangerous sapsucker you can have in your life. It can be physically and emotionally damaging to you.

The DiscounterThis is the person who discounts or challenges everything you say. Often, this person has a strong need to be right and can find fault with any position. It can be exhausting to have a conversation with the discounter, so eventually you end up giving in and deciding to just listen.

The GossipThis person avoids intimacy by talking about other behind their backs. The gossip gets energy from relaying stories, opinions, and the latest “scoop.” By gossiping about others, this person creates a lack of safety in his relationships, whether they realize it or not. After all, if they’ll talk about someone else, they’ll talk about you.

I find that sapsuckers tend to be a combination of these personalities.

However, sapsuckers may or may not redeem themselves if you make them aware of their actions. Sometimes, their actions are really a cry for help. You have to have that uncomfortable conversation about what they are doing and how it makes you feel. Unfortunately, this is where I usually went wrong. I either did not have the conversation and just dropped out of the friendship, or I didn’t address the situation and eventually grew a part from the person. I admit, these actions were just as unhealthy (i.e. passive-aggressive, non-confrontational). So both parties need the courage to speak truthfully about their feelings, and hopefully the courage to choose to act differently.

Friendships require investing a lot time and energy, so let’s nurture it. What you feed the relationship is what you get out of it! So lets feed it courage, compassion, honesty and love.

It’s a long weekend my friends. Enjoy the great weather! Peace and blessings.

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The Professional Spin was created as an escape from the usual club rigamarole. It is a place where music lovers, young professionals, taste-makers, and politicos that work hard can play hard. The evening includes Soul Parlour from 6p-10p. Soul Parlour seeks to let everyone live out their dream of being a DJ. Create a 10 song playlist on your MP3 player and DJ Jahsonic will handle the rest. It’s an opportunity to share your favorites and be introduced to the favorites of other like-minded individuals.

The highly anticipated film Ghetto Physics is opening today at the Magic Johnson theater with a pre-party. It is a blend of documentary, satire, and narrative filmmaking examines the power dynamic that exists in social, political, and corporate relationships.

Friday October 08, 2010

Majic Johnson Theater

800 Shoppers Way

Largo, MD

7:00PM – 3:00AM

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This month’s “Nine On The Ninth” (the now legendary monthly poetry series that falls on every 9th day of the month at 9pm at 14th & V) features CeLillianne Green, a poet, writer, attorney and a mediator. A graduate of Howard University School of Law, she combines her skills as an attorney and a mediator with her writing and speaking. Ms. Green’s cultural observations through her poetry are insightful and thought provoking. Her poems cover a variety of topics including love, politics, spirituality, racism, history and relationships. CeLillianne’s poems are presented with integrity, humility, and clarity through a voice that compels the audience to listen.

Saturday, October 9

Busboys & Poets

14th & V St. NW

9PM

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Come out for some live west African music by Sahel. And one of my favorite DJs, DJ UnderDog will be spinning.

A male D.C. spin to the “Vagina Monologues”. This production addresses the many different issues that are associated with that Male (Y Chromosome). This production explores sex and relationships from the perspective of local men in the District of Columbia. The performers in “Deez Nutz 2010” creatively challenge the cultural norms that keep society stagnant through the use of poetry, music and heartfelt monologues.

Saturday, October 9- 8PM

Sunday, October 10- 7PM

The Dance Place

3225 8th St NE

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Come check out the cool Jazz & Soul singer-songwriter Kenny Wesley with an acoustic set and on stage interview. Opening for Wesley the beautiful and soulful Mary eL. Then host Leo Breckenridge has his official second screening of his short film “The Last Assignment.” Poet DCDK opens up the screening.