whell i dont know where to begin, my parents are amazing parents, smarter then most people and better than any of my freinds parents or almost any parents i have ever seen. my dad hit me a few times when i was little but always felt really bad and gave me a hug and talked to me after. my parents have done nothing wrong to make me want to die, its just life itself.

my birth dad was killed 8 months before i was born, shot by the pigs
so i was adopted by his brother( my biologic uncle )

i had a god childhood, but always wouldget in trouble and my parents would get really mad and ground me and it would make me depressed even when i was young like grde 2-3, ive always felt im not good enough for them no matter how hard i was ever tryiong they would want me to do better. in the last generation my parents and their freinds were all hard core punk rockers and my parents were the only ones that changed for the better, but they tried to raise me in the way of a completely normal family when i was ment to be raised in the shitty of all ghetto punk rock bullshit. most of my freinds parents are drug addicts and when i was younger i would go to their house and see them picking butts and rolling butt smokes, and smoking weed and shit like that( little did i know, doing heroin in the next room)
so about grade 5-6 i started picking ciggarete butts and smoking them cause my freinds parents were all pretty much homeless homeless people, i didnt know what was right i was young so i thought being cool still mattered, so i started smoking weed and ciggarets full time by grade 7, mostly smoked butts off the ground, no one said anything about that yet.
we were all dumb little kids most of the kids where im from have tried meth or extacy by the time they are 12 because meth and heroin is whats in most extacy around here and all littel girls do it, even before their minds have developed they are doing disghusting shit drugs that melt your brain into nothing, anyways
later in life i started trying to go to high school, now fully addicted to ciggarets obv and smoking weed every day, it was fine in grade 9 i sorta quit smoking ciggarett butts off the ground, but shit started to go downhill, i couldnt quite cutt the habbit people started thinking i was dirty ghetto, cause all the kids at my highschool are little rich bitches that have never even experienced life yet. so i quit school cause none of the kids there really liked me, and chose to hang out at the local skatepark every day, the place is a death trap, no succesfull people have ever come out of the skatepark, the old generation of kids are all adults now, mostly all homeless or drug addicts, thats pretty much what my whole town is.

i can say i think i am good looking at the least yet i never get any girls unless they are like 3 years younger than me, im 16 now i wear the same clothes every day i still smoke ciggarette butts off the ground i still have to smoke weed every day before i go to bed i still dont go to school, i feel that there is no fucking way att all that i will ever get a job, since i have tried before and felt completely mentaly trapped and had to quit, i have good parents a nice house but my parents wont give me money because i steal money from them so its an endless circle of depression and bullshit that makes me want to die, ive lately been thinking of suicide a lot more, often tying a rope around my neck and holding it up on the supports of my basement roof and just seeing how easy it would be so suffocate myself, but it prooves to be pretty god dasmnn hard, i have a loving family 2 little sisters aunties who grew up with my dead father and grandmothers and the whole works, this is the only reason i dont want to kill myself because my whole family lost my dad because of the exact same thing and the cycle is just happening over again
my dad was the same way but he didnt loose controll at such a young age as me i know im 16 and im gouint thourhg alot of hormonal shit like that but i know im going to just get more and more depressed as the years go by , if anyone wants to see a video of my dad playing in his band heres the link http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OG09IptYgVc hes on the right of the screen playing bass guitar, i dont think you even get to see his face in that vid but oh whell, heres a video of me skating as whell http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PIdBRQLJQTA. i could have just written like like a full novel about myself but i chosse to end right here, if you guys want to hear more from me that just hit me back, peace. i feel better already

hey man. I feel your pain. I have a good family and have lost a few close family members in the past couple years. You said the reason you haven't killed yourself yet is because of your family, right? Thats good. I contemplated suicide a couple times during my life and I thought about my family and how much it would hurt them. It has been a year since then and I have been to a doctor and have been prescribed anti depressants. I feel like my life has turned around and I am seeing a lot of the better aspects of life. If I can do it then so can you. The addiction to cigarettes is bad, but it is good to know that you are trying to quit. If you feel the craving for a cigarette, just go out and skate instead. It will keep you mind busy and you will forget that you wanted a smoke in the first place. Remember to enjoy life and especially when you feel like killing yourself, remember your family.

E. get a job, there is nothing holding you back like a physically limitation or mental retardation or anything. So don't worry about not being able to get a job, theres nothing wrong with you. You're perfectly normal, don't be lazy.

problem solved.

Youre only 16, dont get all hung up on this stuff for too long. dont wait til your twenty to begin sorting your shit out, otherwise then you'll truly have something to worry about. right now, like i said, just go see your doctor, and/or talk to your parents about how you feel.