2013

It’s a new year and a new year often means “a new me.” This year, I decided that wasn’t going to happen. I decided that I wasn’t merely going to reinvent myself, create a new persona with a vision board of things I aspire to live up to, places I wish to go, people I wish to meet, clothes I wish to wear, and so the list goes on. I decided that I wasn’t going to have the typical New Years Resolutions, such as:

Do well in school

Lose weight

Save money

etc. I decided to focus on the big picture. Instead of trying to focus on “a new me”, I’m going to try and and improve the me that I already am. Instead of trying to emulate the individual characteristics of people I like, I’m going to try and hone the skills I’ve been given. I’m going to focus on self betterment, self love, self esteem. But don’t get me wrong, 2013 is not going to be a year of selfishness and self preservation, its merely going to be a year in which I can focus on the things that really matter. My academics, my mental stability, my responsibilities, my loves. I can already feel a change in me, and I’m starting to like it. How has this change come about? By doing the following:

Aiming to improve my strengths

Cherishing the people on whom I can always depend

Learning to trust

Self-realization – understanding my pros and my cons; my weaknesses and my strengths; the things I can work on and how; and actually trying to do so

Trying to understand my mind instead of deny the voices in my head. They come in handy sometimes

Trusting my gut

Reading more. Especially the works of people who ‘get’ me…

Broaden my horizons – music wise. There is a world of wonderful symphonies of you just get over your pride and listen

Writing. I’ve never believed in my ability to write but it’s been something I’ve wanted to do since I was but an eight year old. Lately, I’ve been abusing the therapeutic qualities that come with writing free verse poetry and I’m loving it. It’s helping me to release some of the pressure and anger in my head and it’s leaving behind acceptance and peace. I adore that.

I was on Tumblr (my first love) a while back and I stumbled upon two photos with quotes that resonated so deeply with my soul. They are both a huge contributing factor to why I want to seriously work on bettering myself because I have a knack for not holding grudges, per se, but more for remembering. Remembering when I’ve been hurt, why I was hurt, who hurt me, what I could’ve done to not be hurt, how I felt… And those feelings, even though they may not be true anymore, slowly consumed my life. Knowing that I needed to move on and seeing something that just changes your perspective on life were just the things I needed to fully comprehend that the self loathing wasn’t healthy. I didn’t feel that way anymore and I should rather accept feeling nothing than reliving past hardships – “only a fool trips on what is behind him”. That’s why, as a parting gift, I leave you some inspiration for the year ahead and things to remember during tribulations.

Also, you may or may not have noticed a bit of a blog change-up. I was battling with finding inspiration that was truly inspired and not feigned. I didn’t want to be ‘just another wannabe’. So instead, I’m going to be me. And hopefully, that is good enough. DearSolo will be more of a visual/online diary than anything else, publishing my photos, my thoughts, my memories, and the like.