“I was married 2 1/2 years before we decided to have kids. We didn’t have to try for very long and then I was pregnant.

With my first son’s birth I didn’t know any better and was forced into an induction because my doctor was going to Disney World the next week with his family and I didn’t know any better. Oh yay! I thought, I get to meet my baby!

And then I had a whole lot of complications. I almost died. They found a bunch of stuff they should have seen earlier and then breast feeding was really difficult.”

“Despite the issues, I was still able to breastfeed him for 21 months, but I needed lots and lots of help and that didn’t come from my doctor, it came from La Leche League.”

“My high point was my second son’s birth. I had him here, in Germany, at St. Johannis. It was a 4hour labor. He was easy. I didn’t even have to push, he just came on his own. No complications, no almost dying. He’s nursed great and still no end in sight.”

“I have to remind myself how amazing it was. I grew livers, and hearts, and eyeballs, and ears, and whole bodies. When I look at my stretch marks and the baby weight, I have to remind myself that I made 2 babies with this body. One is almost a preschooler and the other a very independent toddler. I’m only hoping for no ER trips while my husband is away on TDY… My husband keeps reminding me that they are my tiger stripes.”

“I’m a little terrified to be here to be honest. I can’t drop those last extra 10 or 15lbs without starving myself. I want to be ok with it, I want other moms to be ok with it.”

Oh Allison, you are so incredibly beautiful. I loved your energy and high spirits despite the vulnerable experience. Truly fearless! Thank you for coming out to see me and participating in this project.

A sneak peak into the images captured for Divine-Mothering’s Photo+Interview Series, July 23rd.

A full studio with a lot of energy and of course some heartfelt stories. I leave you here with some images to ponder over as I work on the individual blog posts. These women are amazing and fearless! For this sneak peak I decided to go with a theme, and that was infectious smiles! Love them.

Divine Mother { Allison }

Divine Mother { Kathryn }

Divine Mother { Stacey }

Divine Mother { Erin }

Divine Mother { Teresa }

#GoddessesInTheStudio

Thank you, ladies, for participating! I always feel so full of love and energy after each session, thank you so much for sharing yourself with Divine-Mothering and the world! <3 <3 <3

I will be blogging about each of their mini sessions in the coming week and I absolutely can’t wait to share more.

“It’s been a wild ride. I started with twins. They were born 8 weeks premature, emergency C-section, preeclampsia, I almost died… It was crazy. And then they were fine!

I breastfed them. No one believed I could do it until I did it.

Then I had my next son. That was also a wild ride. It was a very traumatic birth and we thought we were done. And then my big surprise!”

“At that point we discovered that I had a bleeding disorder. It was a very high risk pregnancy. But he ended up being my easiest delivery. A picture perfect birth. He came so fast we didn’t have time to get in the water. But of course he has been the hardest child… but he was my fourth so I knew we were going to get through it.

I’m trying to live day to day. It’s belly laughs, dirty hands and feet, water balloons, ninjas…

The more kids you have the faster they grow up.”

“I was so determined with my first. They were going to be fine, they were going to be great. I wanted them to reach their milestones early; roockie mom mistake. With this one I didn’t even want to put him on the ground…

It’s seeing them become people.

It’s also that you grow up faster. You’ve been there. You have matured as a mother and it’s not your first rodeo.”

I have a sense of responsibility. Knowing that I have this knowledge. I have a responsibility to share it.

After the twins were born I was doing my masters degree and got involved with Mom2mom. It was actually something that happened with my mentor that made me really angry and I had to write a letter. That’s how I started advocating for other women. I thought, if I have to advocate for myself, I will do it for other women too.

I’m now the executive director of Mom2Mom Global. We have so many people wanting to start new chapters.

Everyone is uncertain. You just never know. You think you got it. With my fourth I thought, preemie twins…I got this! Then he had colic, dairy issues, all kinds of stuff. My husband and I were like, wow, this is worse than twins.”

Amy also followed up with an incredible article she’s written to be published in Return to Mago blog in August 2015.

Something we touched upon via email but not during our interview is the loss of her womb. Amy recently had a hysterectomy, due to medical reasons. “It’s a journey for me to find my new center. This has been a time of tremendous growth and accepting of new responsibility in completing the life cycle of Maiden, Mother, Crone.”

I wanted to share an except of her work, and can’t wait to see her complete article published soon. Pure poetry, Amy.

For four days more, as the days begin to shorten in the thirty-fifth year of my life, I will bleed my last moon blood. I will wonder at the mystery of it, of our bodies, of the moon, of the Great Mother and the cycles that constantly regenerate our lives and our world. I will meditate. I will engage in rituals of caring for myself. I will enjoy the gifts of my relationships, of the beauty around me, of the permeability between energetic planes. I will do the work laid out for me on my new path with renewed vigor and the confidence that comes from being a Crone and knowing that somehow, all the resources I need are already there, I only need to call them.

-Amy Smolinski. Excerpt from a personal essay to be published in Return To Mago in August, 2015

Thank you so much Amy for participating and being a part of this project. Thank you for sharing yourself and your beautiful energy with fellow women.

Repeat after me,

I am an amazing woman.

I am beautiful.

I am strong.

The light within me is divine.

If you are looking for breastfeeding support in the local KMC area, please check out the Mom2mom website and FB. If you are not local, as Amy mentioned, new chapters are starting up, more info here.

I asked Danielle about her high point and low point within her motherhood journey. Her answer as simple.

“The low point is easy, lack of sleep… We are now just getting enough sleep that I feel ok again… I was a working mom for a long time. The high point was becoming a stay at home mom.”

When I asked her to expand on why she felt this way, she explained how she had been taught to pursue a career and hadn’t given much value to motherhood. Not until she became a mother herself. She expands in an email she sent me after the interview and I will leave you here with her incredible words.

“The message I received when I was growing up was that girls can do anything they want to do — especially if it was something that was traditionally dominated by men. In many respects, the message I absorbed was that traditionally masculine activities were somehow better than traditionally feminine activities — a career was better than motherhood, hard science was better than arts, playing sports was better than dancing. Without even realizing it, I soaked this in and it subconsciously affected all my choices in life. I chose to play a lot of sports as a kid – soccer, softball and basketball – and loved it. I chose to major in physics and math. I chose to join the Air Force. I could do anything the boys could do. All this time, I was adamant that I wasn’t going to have children. I didn’t see the value in it. The message I had internalized was that having a career, and especially a technical career, was better or more important than being a mother.”

“Now two births, two miscarriages and a 15-year career later, I have completely reversed that belief. I am proud and grateful for my time as a physics student, active duty Air Force officer, reservist and engineer, but I now believe these activities pale in comparison to the miracles that are reserved only for women. My mothering journey has led me to realize the gift that is my female body — the gifts of my hormonal cycle, of pregnancy and birth, of breastfeeding, and of continuing the human species. These are special gifts to be honored. I no longer aspire to do what men can do. I feel blessed to be able to do what women can do.

The high point of my mothering journey thus far has been becoming a stay at home mom. I worked two jobs (as an engineer and an Air Force reservist) until my daughter was 3.5 and my son was over 1. Gathering the courage to leave my career behind was a huge struggle for me, an act of willpower of overcoming all the subconscious beliefs I collected over the years. It was hard to do. It was necessary. It was beautiful.”

“I could see my daughter falling apart as I worked. It got to the point where her separation anxiety was such that I could not get up from the dinner table to get a glass of water from the open kitchen without her melting down. Becoming a stay at home mom has allowed me to mother my children in a completely different way than I could when I was working full time. We are more connected as I am more physically present. My children bring so much joy to daily life and I am blessed to be here to experience it with them. I feel so grateful for the magical opportunity to stay home with my children. It has forced me to grow and change to become an even better mother and person and to know and value myself as a woman more. My children have been my light leading me into peace and joy.”

“It took a hard journey of uncovering my truths for me to come into this place of awareness. These photographs hold within them significant meaning for me. They are a visual representation of both my struggle and the beautiful place my journey has thus far brought me to. They are a milestone marking how far I have come. For me, these photographs honor the miracle of my female body, honor my bond with my children, and illuminate the value of motherhood. For that, I thank you.”

Danielle, thank you so much for sharing your incredible journey as a mother and human. I completely agree with your sentiment. It’s not about working vs SAHM. It’s about the message that we receive in this society that puts so much more value on what are considered “masculine” activities while also putting down the “feminine”. This is why women’s voices are needed. This is what this project is about. Giving back motherhood and being a woman the value and respect it so equally deserves.

Colleen’s interview was a whirlwind of playful boys, laughter and, thankfully, a few photos. As soon as I asked her to introduce herself , her oldest took over. He started with his own name, his brother’s and then looked up at Colleen thoughtfully and finished with “Her name is… mommy!” -Colleen’s son.

“I was only 19 when he was born, my husband was not my husband yet. It was different then. I hadn’t finished college yet, we weren’t even living together.”

“I’m 24 now and I still feel like people look at me like the teen mom.”

“Even little things like Facebook groups weren’t a think back then. All I had was my family. I just did things how they did things.”

“I’m so much more confident now. I can make my own decisions now.”

It can take time to find our voice. But once we do, I grantee you, nothing can stop you.

Colleen, thank you so much for coming and participating. It truly was a pleasure to spend some time with you and your boys. I know you are expecting your husband home shortly from a deployment and my hats off to you for managing your very happy and active boys in his absence. He should be very proud!

A sneak peak into the images captured for Divine-Mothering’s Photo+Interview Series, July 8th 2015.

“We had a full studio for this session as an influx of toddlers and preschoolers filled up the room. They brought so much energy and joy and definitely stole some of the spot light, but I often look at my images and like to think that my photographs often capture more than an individual. They don’t focus on one subject or another, but rather they capture a bond, a connection.” -Photographer Liliana Taboas from Liliana Beatriz Fotografia

Divine Mother { Colleen }

Divine Mother { Alisha }

Divine Mother { Danielle }

Divine Mother { Amy }

{ #GoddessesInTheStudio }

Thank you, ladies, for participating! I always feel so full of love and energy after each session, thank you so much for sharing yourself with Divine-Mothering and the world! <3 <3 <3

I will be blogging about each of their mini sessions in the coming week and I absolutely can’t wait to share more.

It was difficult to keep my composure during Anna’s interview. The love and joy, still so very fresh, was overpowering.

“It’s been kind of rough. It took us 3 years to get pregnant.”

“We were working with the OBGYN. At first we worked with my hormone levels, then they told me I had to loose weight.

I knew I couldn’t do it on my own so I decided to get Gastric Bypass Surgery.

That’s what these scars are from.”

“She’s the only reason I did it, I was happy with myself, but going into surgery I was told I couldn’t get pregnant for 18 months post opp.

I was 8 months after the surgery, I had almost lost 100lbs, and I was switching from one birth control to another and… we made her!”

“I was excited but also scared. I thought, what if my body couldn’t provide… I kept waiting for something to happen. Even recovering from the surgery, I knew a lot of people had trouble, but nothing. Everything was perfect, the pregnancy was perfect. Nothing was wrong.

I had a homebirth, and everyone I loved was there. Her birth was the happiest day of my life. It really was perfect.

Giving birth was amazing. Every emotion is running though your body. One second you’re pushing, the next your baby is here.”

After our session, Anna shared her homebirth video made by Tiffany Hudson Films and let’s just say you might need a handkerchief if you’re watching.

Purely amazing!

Anna, thank you so much for participating and for sharing yourself with us. What a beautiful journey you are living. Congratulations on your healthy pregnancy, amazing birth, and beautiful daughter. What a privilege worth the wait.

I am so thankful Heather came to me to share her amazing breastfeeding support story with me. The stories of breastfeeding mothers are so varied when people see serene images of mothers nursing their young, it simplifies the story a bit. It must be so easy for her. She feels so confident. She must have had no issue. She must love breastfeeding. But women who have breastfed know better.

When I asked Heather about her journey I was pleased to hear how having the right support made all the difference.

“I was very hesitant about breastfeeding. I didn’t want to do it.

My husband is a nurse and he convinced me that I had to at least give it a try.

You have to try, he told me over and over.”

“I was surprised at how naturally it came for us. It’s probably the most natural thing I’ve ever done. So my goal was 6 months.

Making it to 11 months for me is amazing.

I want to make it to 12 months and then I’m done.”

“I’m so thankful to my husband for encouraging me to breastfeed.

I thought… If someone like me can decide to try it, anyone could.”

The most common complaint I have personally heard from mothers when it comes to nursing their children long term is the lack of support. Wether it be from their spouse, their family or in laws, once the support drops, many mothers start to doubt themselves and their choices. This leads, unfortunately, for many women to turn way from breastfeeding sooner then intended.

It was refreshing, however, to hear quite the opposite story for Heather! What an amazing partner you have.

“I wanted to be a part of this.

I was prior enlisted for 10 years, and now being a mother, I have to learn to slow down.

I want to live in the moment.”

Heather, thank you so much for sharing a little of yourself with us. Your story is heart warming and I love that you wanted to dedicate these images to your husband for his amazing encouragement and support. He sounds truly awesome!

Inspired by the incredibly positive reaction to her epic breast feeding photo, my good friend Erin White, from Erin White Photography, decided she wanted to do more. Trying to harness the energy from the first image she is now planning a series of images for breastfeeding mothers all over the word! Not only that, but the out cry from bottle feeding mothers to want to join in has compelled her to include them in future photos, promoting love, health, and nourishment for all babies! I can’t wait to see the results.

Today I’m sharing with you some action images from the photo session in Baumholder, Germany. The location was an hours drive for many participants and the excitement was exponential as we were planning a water photo. What was chosen was a lovely hiking trail winding at the side of a picturesque creek. Some participants came with family or friends to watch their older children. I myself brought my husband, he and my daughters, as well as other spouses, went on a hiking excursion as we worked on the photos.

It was truly a remarkable sight to see all these lovely women and children frolicking through the forest trails to the sound of swooshing water and song birds as we hurried to beat sun down. The joy and euphoria is truly palpable once we were all in the water shooting. The water was crisp, the air warm, a perfect summer evening.

Erin, you are amazing.

The joy that you are bringing to these women is incredible. The attention you are getting from this project will surely bring you positive energy and more incredible opportunities. I want to thank you for reaching out to me to assist with the event and the photos. I truly love this craziness and I couldn’t be happier to be part of it!

I had the great pleasure of shooting individual photos for the participants at this event, and the results were just jaw dropping. So much beauty and warmth. It was difficult to keep myself composed while I edited the photos. The pure love, the location, the stories of the women, and the sound of the river still ringing in my ears. Pure perfection.