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Monday, August 25, 2014

August 24, 2014 The Gift of Marriage: From This Day Forward - Growing Through the Seasons of Life

Genesis
29:10-20

How many of you have a special song with your
spouse or someone you dated? If
your era was the 40’s your song was probably by Perry Como, Frank Sinatra, Bing
Crosby or Tony Bennett.If it was
the 50’s it might be someone like Pat Boone or Elvis.If the 60’s, perhaps the Beatles.In the 70’s – the golden age of music, there were so many
artists from which to choose.If
your era was the 80’s, I feel for you.The 80’s had Men Without Hats and Flock of Seagulls, but perhaps it was
something by Bon Jovi, like Living On A
Prayer.

Who will tell us your song?Do you want to know the song Tanya and
I had as our special song?I
wasn’t a disco person but it came from a very popular soundtrack to the disco
age – can anybody guess?Saturday Night Fever, and the song was How Deep Is Your Love, by – The Bee
Gees.You’re the light in my deepest, darkest night.I should have kept my white disco suit!

This morning, we continue our series on
marriage, and today we come to this phrase of the wedding vows – from this day forward.This morning we will study the topic of
Growing Through the Seasons of Life.Just as we live through various seasons historically, we live through
season of marriage as well.I want
to speak this morning about some qualities that should be a part of your
marriage that will enable you and your spouse to grow together through each
stage of life.

Those of you who have been married a while know
at least some, or perhaps all, of the seasons of a married life.There are the early years, of learning
one another’s expectations and adapting to sharing your life with another
person; there are the years of babies and young children, and the stresses that
come from trying to balance time and work and the demands of a growing family;
there are the teenage years, when your children are beginning to establish some
independence from you and believe you to be the most clueless person on the
face of the earth; there is the empty nest time, when the children are gone and
in some ways you reestablish your relationship as just the two of you; there
are the years of enjoying grandchildren and adjusting to retirement; there is
the stage of caring for a spouse who may be in declining health; and finally,
there is the stage of learning to adjust to life after your spouse is gone.

At every one of those stages it is of critical
importance to have a foundation to your marriage that will carry you through
the unique challenges that arrive at each stage.And I should mention that I am assuming in each of these
messages that the spiritual foundation to marriage will be present.I see that as an essential foundation
to a healthy marriage and family life.

I’ve had the blessing to know couples who were
married for over 70 years.Seventy
years!For a marriage to survive
over seventy years requires the understanding of some important qualities.

We are looking to the marriage – or marriages I
should say – of Jacob to learn our lessons this morning.There are a number of issues and questions
that arise from this passage. We could talk about Jacob as the deceiver, who
stole his brother’s birthright; Jacob the deceiver who was deceived by Laban,
his father-in-law; we could talk about the practice of polygamy that is common
in the Old Testament; we could talk about Laban trading away his daughter’s in
order to secure Jacob’s services as a worker.These are some of the questions and issues that arise out of
this passage, questions and issues that highlight that this story takes place
in a very different culture, but those are for another time, today, we are
going to examine some of those that are more directly related to the qualities
that are necessary for a healthy marriage to exist throughout all the stages of
married life.

There are some very important qualities
demonstrated in this passage that teach us about how we can assure that our
love for our spouse will grow through all of the stages and seasons of life.

1.Patience.

When Tanya and I had been dating a while, some
of our friends who had dated for a shorter time were getting married.They asked us why we were waiting and
told us we should get married and how great it was.I couldn’t help but notice that some of them stopped talking
about how great it was after some months had passed.We dated for six years and three months before we married,
and I think that was a big factor in providing a solid foundation for our
marriage.After that amount of
time, we knew each other very well and it made the first year a very easy adjustment.I would not say that every couple
should wait that long to get married; in fact, I have known some who waited a
long time and the marriage was not strengthened or even successful, and I have
known couples who dated a very short time and enjoy very strong, happy
marriages.

But patience is so important because marriage
should never be rushed. I believe
patience will increase the duration of a marriage.I try to communicate to younger couples who are planning
their marriages to be patient, and I tell them the rest of your life is a long
time, hopefully, and there is no need to be in a rush.Patience now may save a lot of
heartache later.But,
interestingly, almost no one seeks counseling before marriage, because we know
everything before we get married, don’t we?

This is an opportune moment for me to tell you
how I determine what marriages I will perform.In past years, I used to officiate many, many weddings,
accepting almost every request I received.Some years ago I decided to change my policy, and it has
reduced the number of weddings I officiate.If I know one or both of the couple, I do not require
pre-marital counseling, but I am happy to provide it.If, however, I do not know either of the couple I will
schedule a time when we can talk about what expect not just in terms of terms
of their wedding, but of marriage.I want to hear about the type of wedding they want, and how they view
marriage, and then I tell them what I consider to be important in a
wedding.If we are in agreement
about the wedding itself, I require them to meet with me for several sessions
so we can talk about marriage.Most couples decline to do so, which limits the number of weddings I
officiate.

Let’s turn now to Jacob.He agrees to work for Laban for seven
years if Laban will allow him to marry his daughter Rachel.After the seven years have passed Laban
deceives Jacob by giving him his older daughter, Leah (which is an interesting
story in and of itself as to what it says about marriage in the Old Testament),
but Jacob agrees to work another seven years to be able to marry Rachel.He does not have to wait another seven
years before he can marry her; he actually marries her a week after he marries
Leah, but he does agree to stay and work for Laban seven more years, being
patient about his own independence from Laban.

Patience is born out of love; it’s the first
descriptive word Paul uses in I Corinthians 13 as he defines love’s qualities.Patience includes understanding that
God created your spouse a unique individual that may need a few changes, but
they don’t always need a complete makeover as a person.Sometimes, people desire to create such
a sameness in personality and how they think that it squeezes the uniqueness
out of their relationship.It’s
not a sin to be different.Be
patient with your spouse; they may not be all you want them to be, and that’s
all right.Celebrate the
uniqueness that God has created in your spouse.

2.Healthy Family Relationships.

Tanya, Nick, Tyler and I have no relatives near
us; the closest relatives are 350 miles away.I often tell people there is a disadvantage and advantage to
living away from your families.The disadvantage is, you are away from your family.Do you know the advantage?You are away from your family.

If you live near parents, grandparents,
siblings, and extended family, understand what a blessing this is, especially
when you are raising children.To
be able to pick up the phone in the middle of the night and call a parent,
grandparent, or sibling and ask for help is a great blessing.Don’t take that blessing for granted.

But I will say again this week, when you marry
someone, you also marry their family, and that brings not only a blessing, but
some difficulties as well, as different perspectives and attitudes are blending
together, and not always successfully.

Jacob does not step into the best of situations
as his future father-in-law deceives him from the very beginning.He fails to tell Jacob something very
important – that it was the custom for the older child marry first.It’s not as though Laban didn’t have
the opportunity to tell Jacob this important fact; Jacob had already agreed to
work for seven years in order to marry Rachel, the younger daughter.Someone should have seen this situation
coming and mentioned it, but no one did, and Jacob marries the wrong woman.How do you marry that wrong person?
(that’s a discussion that is better in a setting other than morning worship, as
it’s a PG-13 story.You can read
it for yourself).Jacob continues
to have a very conflicted family situation, and if you want all the details,
read chapter 30 and you’ll find a soap opera of tangled relationships.

In chapter 31 of Genesis we see the
relationships in Jacob’s extended family deteriorating to the point that one
night he slips out of town to head off for Canaan.Part of the reason Jacob left was because he was building
his flocks at Laban’s expense through some treachery and Laban’s sons were not
very happy when they discovered what Jacob was doing.God eventually gets involved and even warns Jacob that it’s
time to leave, so Jacob slips off one night.The situation is a very complicated web of deceit and suspicion
and jealousy – you need to read these chapters, they will make you feel better
about your family.

I have listened to too many heartbreaking
stories of broken family relationships, and this brokenness can place a
tremendous strain on a marriage.And so I would offer this advice – parents, when your children are
married they have established their own family.Be careful how you step into that family; they are still
your children but they are now responsible for their family, which at times may
be very hard for you; love and support them even when you disagree with
them.For those of you who are
married and your parents are still surviving, understand that your parents are
acting out of love, and listen to their advice, even if you don’t always take
it; they are the voice of experience that can be very valuable.

3.You Must Have A Deep and Abiding Love.

Laban asks Jacob an interesting question in
verse 15, Tell me, what shall your wages
be?What a great
question!I wish my Dad would have
asked me how much I wanted to be paid before sending me out into the hay field,
but I don’t remember any pay actually being discussed.Imagine being allowed to name your
wages!And Jacob doesn’t begin his
negotiation in a manner that works to his advantage.Jacob doesn’t think of money, or flocks or herds; he makes
the offer to give seven years of his life to be able to marry Rachel.It’s a touching scene of Jacob’s love.

But there’s more to the story.There’s Leah, Jacob’s other wife.Leah is the person in this story who really
has my sympathies.Listen to how
Rachel is described in verse 17 – Rachel
was beautiful of form and face. Now listen to the description of Leah – and Leah’s eyes were weak.That’s the Biblical equivalent of
saying she has a nice personality.This description will last for all of
recorded history, so it’s hard not to feel for Leah.It’s obvious from that moment what is going to happen – Leah
will never compare to Rachel in the eyes of Jacob, and perhaps that’s what he
gets for having two wives.

It seems so obvious to say that marriage must
be based on a deep and abiding love, but there are people who go into marriage
with less than that level of love.Jacob had no real love for Leah, and immediately the problems began in
his life as he found himself married to a person he did not really love.

I can’t imagine what it would be like to be
married and not feel the depth of love that makes you want to stay with that
person for a lifetime.It is
absolutely essential to enter a marriage believing that you cannot imagine
living without that other person, because if you don’t, when the challenges
come and the years roll on, you’re going to have regrets and that is not
healthy for any marriage.

After thirty years, I am still happy to see
Tanya at the end of a day; I enjoy being with her now more than I did when we
first married.

Love has to come before money, it has to come
before career, and it has to come before other people – love for our spouse
must be at the very foundation of our lives.Only when a deep and abiding love exists will a marriage
last a lifetime.

10 When
Jacob saw Rachel daughter of his uncle Laban, and Laban’s sheep, he went over
and rolled the stone away from the mouth of the well and watered his uncle’s
sheep.

11 Then
Jacob kissed Rachel and began to weep aloud.

12 He
had told Rachel that he was a relative of her father and a son of Rebekah.So she ran and told her father.

13 As
soon as Laban heard the news about Jacob, his sister’s son, he hurried to meet
him. He embraced him and kissed him and brought him to his home, and there
Jacob told him all these things. 14 Then Laban said to him, “You
are my own flesh and blood.”After
Jacob had stayed with him for a whole month,

15 Laban
said to him, “Just because you are a relative of mine, should you work for me
for nothing? Tell me what your wages should be.”

16 Now
Laban had two daughters; the name of the older was Leah, and the name of the
younger was Rachel.

17 Leah
had weak eyes, but Rachel had a lovely figure and was beautiful.

18 Jacob
was in love with Rachel and said, “I’ll work for you seven years in return for
your younger daughter Rachel.”

19 Laban
said, “It’s better that I give her to you than to some other man. Stay here
with me.”

20 So
Jacob served seven years to get Rachel, but they seemed like only a few days to
him because of his love for her.