Chaos and the White Robot

Platformer, shooter, maybe a little arcade. Some robot runs, jumps, shoots out all sorts of monsters. There is cruelty, a lot of blood and guts.

By this game the author expressed his inner state in a sertain period of his life. At one time author began to search for the beast. He was looking for and waiting for the beast for several years. And has found. Once the beast came to the author. At first he thought that the beast would be submissive, like a dog, but he mistaked. The beast attacked author. Beast brought chaos and fear into the soul, and brought many diseases to the body. And the author wanted to abandon the beast and began to look for ways. And this game is one of the ways. To name the beast and to look at it. The beast was described in this game.

A detailed story

I began to draw from the age of 15. I don’t think the technique of drawing was very good. But the idea of pictures was rather interesting. And I dreamed that I would become a great artist. And at 14 years old I got to the sect. In general, there was a deception, but there was a lot of truth. That is, lie was mixed with truth, that’s why I believed a lot. And there was a man who called himself the second messiah. And I envied him and wanted to take his place. That’s right, I remember the moment when one of the people started talking about the messiah. I really wanted that it would be me. I wanted so much that I do not really know how to describe it. And then he showed me a photo of the "messiah", damn, I was so disappointed) Well, lets return to the artist. I dropped out of school and wrote paintings for a year. I had an inspiration until 18 years old, then it went into a recession. Of course, the parents were in shock. As it was, at first the sect, then bad marks for study, then left the school. And I was sure that I was going to become a great artist. That’s right today or tomorrow. I already have pictures and waited for the Lord’s help. Really waited. After the sect, it turned out that I did not accept that "messiah", but accepted the Lord. It was very interesting.

However, I did not bacame an artist. And I had completely stopped drawing by the age of 20. But the thirst for greatness remained. And it, apparently, has transformed into a thirst for the beast. For with the help of the beast, I wanted to receive greatness.

So, I wanted to rise over people with the help of the beast. And sometimes it worked. For example, once I got a job, and there in the smoking room I greeted everyone and was friendly at first time. But sometimes I called my beast, this is a state of spirit. And one day I stand alone in a smoking room and some man comes. And as if an internal battle began with this man. I wanted to succumb and yield to him. But then I sort of got ready, straightened up. Apparently this man felt and staggered slightly. At another time, also at the same work, there was one person, externally flimsy, if I may say so, and here we met in the doorway and he also recoiled as if. And in general I liked it. But I’m generally tall, my shoulders are wide, and my face is always stern and sullen. Many people were rather afraid. And I liked it, these were my small victories. It seemed to me that the beast became stronger and stronger. At other times, I stood near the tent. And some sort of bull or punk comes to me. And now I see this and straightened up, as I prepared for the conversation. And he saw this and recoiled a little and passed by. I also liked when passers-by looked away, and I felt like a winner. And often the beast rejoiced at such moments. It was very easy to have external respect for people, although in fact I was pretending to be good, so to speak. And it was nice to do it too. I called the beast in this way for many years.

I also asked Lord about beast: "Lord, when will you send the beast to me?" And one day the beast came. There was this state of spirit as if possessed for a few seconds. I felt it in my spirit. Incredible malice, cruelty, fury, and a storm, and some rabies. This has never happened before. And I was very happy. By the way, before that I had a dream, I do not remember the content, but I jumped to my feet, growled and threw a pillow out the window. And crumpled jalousie. And the world at this time seemed to tremble with a red fire. All this I really liked, and I thought I was special and here the beast comes. And soon greatness and glory and strength and power will come. Because everyone will be afraid of the beast. Well, or it seemed to me that it would be so. I am sure people will be afraid of it. But what will they do? Would people bow to me or put me to a mental hospital?) But it’s okay.

So, the beast came, I am very pleased. But all this time from the age of 15, all these thoughts, dreams and lusts exhausted me. I was unsure of myself by dealing with people, hoping for the beast. I used to smoke from the age of 14, used a lot of alcohol, which also affected my health. That time I hoped I would train this beast when I needed it, because he came suddenly. I called him with my fury, but I still did not expect it. And once, I stood in the kitchen at night, whether I was alone at home, or if everyone was already asleep, I do not remember. Only a small light was burning, and I drank tea. Stood beside the sink. I thought about something I do not remember. And then suddenly again this beast came, again this is a state of spirit. And it was already unexpected. I was very frightened by this feeling. It’s like going crazy with rage. I think, perhaps, something similar was with berserkers or just soldiers in the war. During the battle. I do not know, it became very scary. Since then, I was afraid of the beast. I was somewhere 28 years old.

After that, I stopped calling the beast. But he had already come. He does not go away. And by the way, I decided to win this beast with love. So. I invited one girl to a cinema, wanted to fall in love with her, but I did not. The beast came, and I was not happy with it.

And then one night there was a heart attack. Also I was somewhere 28 years. I woke up in horror that this is happening to the heart, it never was. My heart ached for about three days, but I did not tell anyone about it, because I was afraid to seem weak. But immediately stoped smoking. At the thought of a cigarette, it became very terrible for the heart. So, in principle, with time, the heart was adjusted, that is, stopped being sick, well, I calmed down.

However, gradually the heart began to ache more and more often. The immunity worsened, I became cold, although it was not like that before. Well, the other little things have appeared. And once I stood under the bar and prayed to the Lord, like why I have such a heart disease. And at this time comes the thought that all the pains in the heart occur during dreams. Then it turned out that not only during dreams, but during immersions. And dreams take up most of the immersions. It was then that I saw this strange state of spirit – immersion. Up to this time, there have been many trials and I’ve been through all of them. Just like in a fairy tale, a hero comes across a test and he thinks: "This is not the main test yet, the main test ahead." So I am. During the computer game, the heart got sick and I decided to refuse from all the games, it was difficult, but doable. Because during games I was immersion. I even turned off the sound, for would not be so much immersion. Then, during the meal, the pressure rose. I ate only three teaspoons of millet porridge on milk and the pressure rose very strongly and it was hard. I began to growl at the icons and curse the Lord, that He really greedy, did not give me millet porridge. And then in the evening I ate a radish with salt and saw that the pressure did not rise. I ate very much and looked carefully inside – the pressure did not rise. I heard before about raw food. And began to eat only raw vegetable food for 4 months. And then a few months I was a vegetarian. This was also difficult, but feasible. These were all those not very difficult tests. But when I saw these states of spirit – immersions, and understood that they should be abandoned, then this is the real test. I stoped smoking, but I did not stop my thoughts. Stop calling the beast, but the state of spirit did not change. As before, I despised people and was angry with myself. Especially for my illnesses, I thought that I was weak and just hated myself. All my life I was strong, but here I was weak. I did not go to doctors, because I did not want to admit illness, or something. Or I was afraid that they would think that I was weak. And my heart hurt very much sometimes.

I fought with immersions, with dreams just trying to crush them, to suppress as it were. Renounce them. It was very hard. I began to read Louise Hay. And really helped. Since then, the hurts were not so strong, but very tolerant. It seems to me that her method works, because this is essentially a relief from immersion. That is, earlier I tried to suppress them, and now replace them with words about love, goodness, happiness. It was much easier to replace than to suppress. However, all the same, hurts continued.

Then it turned out that the thyroid gland was enlarged. Up to 150 square cm at a rate of 14. That is, it is a tumor, and maybe even cancer. It turned out that a benign tumor. Meanwhile, obsessions periodically returned and the beast returned. Many new diseases have been brought during these states of immersion.

Well, here, I was made an operation to remove the gland. Before the operation, when I arrived at the hospital, I asked the Lord: "Why I had such a disease. After all, this is a very serious illness, did I deserve this?" And the thought was such that I have no love. The Spirit does not love. Of course, that this is not an affirmationt, but such a thought has come. Believe it or not, I have seen many times that small heart diseases and many others occur during an immersion. And stop instantly, it is only necessary to realize this. I was obsessed by the beast. The beast did it all. All diseases. It is clear that the beast is a state of my spirit. It’s pointless to blame him, for I did it all, summoned all the illnesses to myself. Although, of course, not specifically, that is, I did not have a goal to get sick.

At the end of December, I leaved the hospital. But the beast did not leave. I crushed it, replaced it, stamped it. Once, I went to donate blood for tests and there I began to despise one person in an ugly green sweater. Despised him for this sweater. And immediately, at the same moment, as I began to despise, there were pains in my heart. So, I came home and feel that the beast broke all the defenses, everything broke in my soul, raging and angering there, and the beast ruins everything. And I can not do anything, I have high blood pressure and high pulse. I drank the pills from the pressure and lay on the bed and watched the beast rage and could do nothing. The next day I went to a cardiologist. And I made an appointment with a psychologist. This appointment with psychologist was a recognition of the fact that I did not win the beast, but he won. I can not deal with him and I need help.

There were medicine, psychologist, doctors, and I went to church, and I myself read affirmations of Louisa. And later this game became a medicine. True, this game became a very good medicine. In this game for the first time I recognized the beast, that is I did not press him, did not reject, did not replace, but recognized in this game. Named him there and expressed.

These are the reasons for the game – this is my medicine, and I named the beast. I reflected state of spirit. As when at the age of 15, I reflected the state of spirit in the paintings, and now I reflected it. Therefore I consider myself even a little artist. And I’m very glad that have painted for the first time in 10 years.

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Without any doubt, the robot in the game is in some way I myself) I wanted to write "defeating the chaos", but no, chaos cannot be defeated. However, the robot also has a back side. It is expressed with some creatures who run around in bags, because they hide themselves. And if they are killed, they leave a symbol, not a corpse. That is spirit, not matter. This is done only by two characters in the game: the robot after death does not leave the corpse, but the idea and this creature. They have a similar color scheme, except that the "eyes" are different. And the animation of the creature’s moving is drawn from the animation of the robot’s moving. That is, the robot just outlined in such a way that it seemed to be in a sack.

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And this creature leaves his portrait after death. It was at this moment, when I came up with this deed, that I felt I was getting rid of the beast in my soul. Because I expressed the beast in the external world. Just like in 15 years I painted and expressed every malice in pictures. And this is the medicine. It is a portrait of the beast. This creature leaves after death its portrait, its hand, its eye or its rat’s head. All these are parts of the beast. Earlier I described my dream, where the world seemed to tremble with fire. I used the same colors. That is, as if the beast is made from that fire. And the beast pretends to be a robot, looks like a robot and hides in the robot.

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A fiery river is in every level. It’s a bottom of a level. In the beginning, the fiery river was always yellow-red, that is, truly fiery. In its original form, it remained only in the 25th level. But many people on the forums said that this color scheme hurts the eyes. And indeed, against a dark background, suddenly such a bright and contrast spot, which attracts attention. Therefore, in all levels I picked up the color range of a fiery river suitable to the level. At first, the fiery river destroyed everything fall into it. Whether it’s a robot or a monster. That is, it was the most terrible enemy to the robot, because the monster takes one battery away, and the river takes away all the remaining batteries. But then, over time, the river became a friend to the robot. But. Here I applied symbolism. That is, the monster who fell into the river immediately dies and at the same time he squeals like a pig. That is, for a monster this is a very terrible place. More scary than a robot’s bullet. Monsters are ready to bullets, and angry when they die from bullets. I began to wonder what this river means. And the thought has came that it was an angel with a fiery sword. Without bottles, this river is very scary and kills, and with bottles this is an interesting element of the game. It remains to understand what the bottles mean.

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After level 16, the robot starts not only to kill, but also to execute. In the 16th level, there is some kind of a break in the soul of the pilot, who controls this robot. And in fact the 16th level is a reflection of my period of life from 14 to 18 years. There much is written in the level itself and here I will not repeat all this. But I will make some explanations. At the age of 15 I painted a picture. At that time did not know the name of it and named just "red-blue man". And now I see that this is the beast. Only a different face. And I named it Mars – the god of war, cruelty and madness in ancient Rome. And, in fact, Mars is like a beast. When the beast came to me, I described the sensations as if a soldier were at war in battle. I have never been to the war, I have not even been in army. But, it was very scary, but also fury and anger at the same time. And when I painted this Mars in the game, I was also very happy, for this time I called the beast too, and the beast went out of my spirit into the outer world. This was the medicine very good.

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The outline of the names of Phobos and Deimos.

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And I wrote in the game that I wanted to steal the watch of Salvador Dali. How can I steal his watch? And the state of spirit was as if he wanted to steal. It is really impossible to steal them, for everyone knows that these watches belongs to Salvador.

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Here is the beast in stone. The stone symbolizes the body. And when there were heart attacks, then the beast calmed down and became weak. Except the last few times, at those times he did not go into stone, when heart attacks were.

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About black slime, like oil, I wrote in the game itself. In a nutshell, these are the wounds of the spirit. And this is the essence of spiritual deeds. However, trying to portray them as I saw was not very nice. Therefore, I gave them the form of matter. They seem to flow down. And placed them on the floor and in the cracks, as if they were some puddles.

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The suns symbolize the state of spirit. At the initial levels, they do not seem to see the beast. It seems to be joyful. There was a time when I liked being obsessed. These suns are not reflected in the game. Because the game is not about the joys of obsession, but about the sorrows. There are joys among drug addicts, alcoholics, and many other obsessed people. And then the suns saw the beast approaching and it became painful and scary. From level 43, the beast came in the form of rage, and from 51 the beast came in the form of a lie. Because in the last levels Mars symbolizes information, or rather delusions. And this is another of the faces of the beast – a lie. So it looks about. Many people think that this is true and lie, but they are wrong. These are two lies, one of which is in the form of truth. Usually the blue side is thought to be true or good. And the red side is thought to be evil or a lie.

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There always was a lie during the immersion. I can try to illustrate this with the russian proverb: "Do not own the skin of an uncaught bear." Imagine that one person decided to own the skin of an uncaught bear. Let, for example, he really want to kill a bear. But now he is immersed in dreams about the skin, experiencing a kind of bliss, for example, he calculates profits from the skin or already dressed in a fur coat from this skin. And dreams of skin are a lie. But not themselves dreams are false (separate from the spirit), it’s just information. The state of spirit is a lie. Here a man owns the skin in his mind, but in his spirit he feels bliss, and it seems to him that this is true. But, an outsider, not immersed, sees that this is a lie. Therefore, an outsider, said this proverb. The outsider tries to warn immersioned man. I do not know how I explained))) Is it clear or not? I do not quite understand myself. But that’s why the beast can be considered a lie. As if the mind owned by bear skin, but in the spirit there was a bliss. And the immersed spirit makes the mind to give out information not solid. It forces the mind to calculate profits and put on a fur coat. The purpose of the spirit is not profits and is not a fur coat, but a bliss.

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A ram with an inverted pelvis. Initially it was a tattoo of some small people. The pelvis is inverted because the ram’s front feet are on the ground, and the rear ones are in the sky. This is how heaven and earth relate. But here the meaning is, apparently, different. Something attracted me to such body structure. After the 16th level the ram was tore by the beast.

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And here are the executions. Above the executed there is an inscription – for which he was executed. The inscription itself is information, and in fact only a pretext. It can be in the name of the revolution, in the name of the king, in the name of anything. And the spirit thirsts for executions and therefore executes without special reasons. This is a reflection of my state of spirit when I was arrogant and despised people. In fact, of course, executions are a serious things. Therefore in reality the information is very important. But in the game – no. It was reflected the idea about the unimportance of information, and, by the way, this is also a lie. For, in fact, the spirit of the judge must be impartial and analyze a lot of information. But in the game, the spirit of the pilot wants executions and choose any reasons for executions . And this also has become a good medicine, for when you realize your possessed states of spirit, stop feel them.

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Every enemy has some kind of death. In fact, everything said in the previous paragraph about the execution is applicable to deaths, but not so harshly as it is. I also wanted to see the corpses) Then I remember the film "Conan the Barbarian" with Schwarzenegger. When Conan says the words of Genghis Khan: "The greatest joy for a man is to defeat your the enemies, drive out them, take away their property, see their relatives crying, ride their horses, hug their daughters and wives in your arms." It feels like such information is born of a spirit possessed and immersioned. In general, in some ways, I was also obsessed with something similar. I told you that when you realize your immersed states and call them, you stop feel them. Genghis Khan named his states, but he did not stop feel them. For he was immersioned. He called them in his immersion. And it is necessary to understand, and to name in awareness, and not in immersion. Or maybe I’m not right? It is not important whether the spirit names its states, but does it really matter if the spirit wants to stop being in them? And in what way – to name, suppress, replace, whether to distract is not so important? Perhaps purpose of Genghis Khan was not to realize? But to show his thirst to others around him and rise above others? Here, they say, look how cruel I am. You did not even dream of such cruelty. Perhaps.

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In some winter levels I placed the symbols of Russia. In the Soviet Union made a lot of monuments dedicated to the victory in World War II. In almost all large and medium-sized cities, the main streets and squares bear names that in some way relate to this event. Annual events dedicated to this event are held. That is, people remember this victory and do not want to forget.

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After the 16th level, TVs appeared in the cities. It is in some way a mystery. You can search for the answer in level 54.

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Here we see broken boxes. The idea of ​​chaos came for the first time exactly at this moment. Up until this point, it was an ordinary game, the most Athenian game. The game was faceless, more like a sketch than a full game. Up to this point, boxes broke and disappeared, no trace was left. And so it was everywhere. There were no corpses, there was nothing cruel, nothing about Mars. A game for children 7 years old) Graphics, also, was initially machine, not manual. And now I see that the game is empty. How to fill it? And suddenly I hear my thirst, and I wanted very much to fill the game with destruction and death. It was with the boxes that this idea appeared. Broken box does not mean anything for the player. Nothing can be done with it. However, the chips from the box say that there was destruction. Someone came and began to destroy and left traces of his destruction, so that everyone could see. And he did not clean up after himself, let this reminder remains to the end of the level. And at first he just left chips, but then he says: "I want clumsy nails sticking out from the chips, let also the burned chips remain, destroyed by fire" So it happened that destruction is more important. There are only three sprites are drawn for a living box. And for its destruction there are 35 sprites. And 12 ordinary and 12 burned splinters testify about death of the box. At least by the number of sprites you can understand how much destruction and death is more important in this game.

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And here are 53 and 54 levels. In them I tried to express my state of spirit, possessed by the beast. Chaos, turmoil, confusion and nothing is clear, but everything rages and fury around. So approximately it was in my spirit during thirsts and riots. I am very pleased with these levels. It seems to me that I managed to get close to reflecting this state. Anyone who says that nothing is clear in levels will be absolutely right. I will not describe here these levels. The only thing there were prayers over TVs. Approximately I had such thoughts at the end. These prayers reflect the state of spirit.

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And now level 55. I filled it with my thoughts. So, the last word not belongs to the beast. It seems to me that I wanted to sound too smart, so I used many abstruse words.—————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————-

Why do the adepts in the dungeon have a goat head? In fact, it’s a goat skull, put on the head. There is a cartoon of A. Petrov "The Dream of a Ridiculous Man" based on the story of the same name by F. M. Dostoevsky. In a nutshell, this cartoon tells about the first sin on some sinless land. There is a lot of symbolism there, and in general I really like it. In one of the moments some person puts on his head a goat skull, which, apparently, means his anger and fury. For after that he began to rage and destroy everything. I really liked this allegory and I repeated it in the game.

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Why do boobs and curses appear in the game? This refers to the early period of the creation of the game. At that time people at the forums did not like this game, and so I decided to use cheap tricks – add boobs and curse words. By the way, I tryed to use only rude expressions, not filthy language. And all tits can be closed with a black rectangle, if the settings include censorship

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At level 54, there are every kind of witchcraft. The author took them from the Internet and what they mean does not even know. Somewhere the handwritten text of Hebrew or Hindi, as they look mysterious. Author also do not know what those texts mean. But to some witchcrafts the author has given concrete value.

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Here is the church, as the author turned to it at the most terrible moment of the riot of the beast, during the 54th level that is

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The Greek letter "Psi" is a symbol of psychology. Here is a candle painted. The doctor closed the windows with special blinds, so that it was dark. And lit this candle and made all sorts of mysterious rituals)

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George. Obsessed with the serpent. However, it seems to George that he holds a mighty. That’s why George thinks that the serpent is his friend.

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George. Obsessed with the serpent. But if George is obsessed with the serpent, how can George be greater than the serpent? The serpent is bigger than George. Does George want to be wrapped in with the serpent? Yes, he does. For at this time it seems to George that he is powerful.

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And the wise men look at George and see that he is less than a serpent. And they gave him a horse and a spear so that he would become bigger then a serpent. George refuses to take, for it will be necessary to beat who brings greatness. Then the wise men compulsed George to fight with the serpent. A big thanks to many religions for giving a spear and a horse to George. Because fighting is better than obsession with the serpent.

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Here George himself put off his spear and left the horse aside. He cooked a meal and invited the serpent. And George offers the serpent food, that George eats himself. George is neither higher nor lower than the serpent. George wants to talk to serpent, think about him, look at him and understand. For this serpent is not an outer spirit, but an inner spirit, the spirit of George, that is. And George did not obsessed by the serpent and did not take a spear. You can trample down your spirit, this too can help. And you can talk with your spirit. That is, in fact, the picture symbolizes this game. For it was in the game that I named and accepted the beast, and before the game was the previous picture, where I trampled and stabbed the beast, that is, did not accept the beast.

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The Virgin Mary.

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Sign of the ruble.

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The dollar sign.

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Medicine. Also the author turned to doctors who treated him for diseases. For which author thanks the doctors. And the psychologist thanks. And the priest thanks. By the way, the priest does not even know that author thanks him. And the doctors do not know.

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I reread this story now and doubt it. Was I too frankly? Does it matter to people my illness? Perhaps, I should remove half of the story? Why talked about the sect? I could have kept such things in a secret.

Perhaps I should think about a plot for this game? For example, there was a robot and he began to fight evil? Maybe such way is better?

Still, the game is an illustration to a story. Just like the pictures in the book. Most often the text is more important than the pictures. The story is more important than the game. Otherwise, the game can not be understood. I gave many different descriptions to the game. Sometimes I tried to describe, as it were, an advertising text, that this game is so cool. Sometimes I used some mystery, used the words chaos, spirit, matter, but do not tell in detail. Some people perceived the game as an addiction or some sort of schizophrenia) Well, in fact, I tried to look at the dark side of the soul. I wrote about arrogance for it would be clear what I mean by the beast. I wrote about illnesses, to show how the beast is dangerous. If I describe the beast mysteriously and embellish – then I admire the beast, still obsessed with him. And I want to understand this. And there really are immersions, I wrote truth about them. And this game is really part of my recovery. I put real cruelty into it, but I was not obsessed by this cruelty. I was already above it, outside of it. I looked at my cruelty, but did not feel it. Heard it, but did not go to it.

And I painted it as I could. In the form of a game. And in the form of a story before this game. At first, I was possessed by the beast, yes. But now, as it were, a researcher, I explore the beast. The last levels are obsessions. There is chaos in the soul and storm. Almost every element in the game was carefully selected to recreate precisely that state of spirit. I looked at an element and listened to the inside whether it suited for the idea. I refused from lots of ideas. It is clear that I can not show the spirit in matter. I can only try to show this through images and symbols. In fact, all previous levels are needed to prepare for the last levels. Because it is very hurd to be in the last levels without traning)

And I wrote the truth about love, too. I do not quite understand what this concept means and what is love in general. Maybe someone will call it harmony with the world. But this is important. There must not be the last levels in person’s soul)

If I do not talk about my illnesses, then the prayers at level 54 will not be understood. As if I simply invented them, but I did not invented. The game is based on real events. And I tell you about a real event.

Here is a story and this is the storyline of this game. By the way, about a plot. There are text inserts in the game that tell about some story. But this has remained since the time when the game was training. People on the forums said that there is not enough plot. In general, I agree with this opinion. The plot decorates the game. But now this story is a plot.

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Chaos is primarily not matter and not information. First of all, chaos is a spirit. Here I have reached some state of the spirit. And with the help of symbols began to name this state. And these symbols have gathered together and this game has become.

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