Bill Belichick Flies Patriots to Denver Several Days Early So He Can Get Baked

The New England Patriots were originally scheduled to fly out to Denver for Sunday’s AFC Championship Game on Friday evening, but head coach Bill Belichick rescheduled to have the Patriots arrive Tuesday night so Belichick could “get baked out of my mind.”

“I was so excited that the Broncos got the No. 1 seed in the AFC because I knew that could mean we’d be taking a trip to Denver,” said Belichick. “Sometimes life just comes together perfectly, you know? I’ve been coaching for decades and all of a sudden we get a game in a state with legal recreational pot? No way I’m passing up this opportunity.”

Belichick says he doesn’t care if him wanting to get high for a week causes people to think of him differently or makes people to think he’s not taking the AFC Championship Game seriously.

“Look, I’m a grown man and this is legal. And when it comes down to it, whatever is going to happen on Sunday is going to happen, amiright?” said the coach. “What’s the big deal? It’s just a game. It’s for fun, you know? I just want to have fun. Preferably my players aren’t high for the game, but if they are? Hey, I’m not going to judge. You only get one trip through life, you know? Live. Enjoy.”

Patriots quarterback Tom Brady says that he is going to embrace his coach’s mindset while in Colorado.

“I really respect Bill,” said Brady. “I don’t think I’m going to try marijuana, but I saw they had six-packs of Sutter Home Pink Moscato mini wines for sale in the hotel lobby. I could see me getting into those a bit this week.”