New Valver Vice... Midnight Raiders

Sega 32X

You're browsing the GameFAQs Message Boards as a guest. Sign Up for free (or Log In if you already have an account) to be able to post messages, change how messages are displayed, and view media in posts.

So, like, one day, in a tropical city somewhere i think i don't f***ing know I'M JUST A NARRATOR OKAY, I JUST READ A GODDAMN SCRIPT there was Alvin, the Mistake. He like, took a job as a police officer or some s*** i think and is now looking for a partner n s*** and HOLY f***MALLS what the f*** is up with this script it's so tiny

[Alvin]: A new day for Tropical f***place, a new day for crime. Now I just need a partner...*So like this dude got in his white car and drove around the place lookin' for some hot ba-i mean some hot crime*[Alvin]: If only Sally didn't divorce me......f*** this s****Alvin like makes a quick stop at the bar and gets ab-so-lute-ly HAMMERED* [Alvin]: fml fml fml fml fml WHat did i do wrongi helped save the world, righteven though that f***boy s/ash took my spotlight AND my womani-i-i-i didn't do anything WRonG[Bartender, Mr. Crish-Crosh]: yo fam you're gonna have to go [Alvin]: how about i give you this *he like gives the bartender a solid FUCEING gold gun, wait how the fu-*[Baretender, Mr. Crish-Crosh]: aight you can stay just shut the fuce up aight[Alvin]: yeah sure *whispering* ahahaha

*So like the next morning Alvin is passed out in his car n s*** and he's drooling all over the pretty interior n s*** and OH my GOD it's his boss, Jeffrey outside the car*[Jeffrey]: man im so high*He like, breaks the car window and reaches out for Alvin's hair and shoves his face against the dashboard*[Jeffrey]: wake the f*** up[Alvin]: wow man what a sh-oh high boss[Jeffrey]: yo man where were you LAST niiiiiight the president got stoned and died[Alvin]: da fuce[Jeffrey]: yeah man it was crazy, they called in the navy sea lions n s***, and i was there, he was killed by barney the dinosaur[Alvin]: man you are so high[Jeffrey]: any-f***ing-way how is life my friend*Jeffrey like, unlocks the car door from the inside and falls into Alvin's car all awkward and oh boy*[Alvin]: my wife left me, my kids hate me, my job FUCEING sucks, and alcohol is my soul[Jeffrey]: man ahahaaaaa this is some good s*** you wanna tryoh cool story btw[Alvin]: yeah sure hit me up*Jeffrey like, hands him a bag of gummy Mistakes*[Alvin]: what the f*** is this[Jeffrey]: sugar is my drug yo

---SOMEWHERE IN MISTAKE CITY I DON'T KNOOOOO---*SO like Susie was doin' some weird s*** in a building with, uh, a group of people, i think they're partying, i can't f***ing tell do i LOOK like i'm psychic to you*[Susie]: i regret nothing in this new life[Somegenerichotguy]: Yo what's up Sus[Susie]: i am enjoying this beer, what about you, my friend

TOBECONTINUED after this lovely commerical break called i know it's not the 20th yet but why are you complaining you get this early OH MY GOD, I HAVE DEPRESSION NOW

*So like after they did the dirty Susie returns to work which is, uh, the uh, adult film industry, you know, the people who make the stuff that you watched when you turn-*[Directorf***man]: Oy Sus[Susie]: what[Directorf***man]: we got a new star in today, how about you uh like do the stuff for new vids n s***[Susie]: yeah sure whateves man :CATEMOTE:

[Sally]: Finally, some purpose in my life[Isabella]: O-M-G this literally sucks[Sally]: shut the f*** up[Daniel]: This church said it had poptartsIT DID NOT HAVE POPTARTS[Sally]: omg i'll buy to poptarts on the way home, ok[Daniel]: yay

*So like, they like drop by the store and s*** and buy some poptarts and Isabella sees some weird s*** towards the back and goes back there and it's this weird f***ing lady in a jumpsuit with a helmet with bombs n s*** on it and wow crawling in my skin much tbh*[WeirdBombLady]: Hello, darling. Have you come to see our operation?[Isabella]: i have no idea O-M-G what is this[WeirdBomberLady]: Oh, do not fear, child. You will know soon.*So like HOLY f***MALLS Isabella blacks out n s*** and the, uh, i know what happens but i can't tell you yet ok i'm sorry*

WELCOME BACK MOTHERf***ERSSWEARING IS COOL AS s***, ISN'T ITANYWAY I'M THE NEW NARRATOR SO ENJOY MY VULGAR VOICE

[Sally]: omg where the f*** did that hole go[Daniel with a mouthfull of poptarts wow rude]: whawt[Sally]: shut the fuce up i'm going to go look for your mistake of a sister[Daniel]: i...i'm not the biggest mistake in the family *drops down to the floor crying with joy*

*So, like, in Tropical f***place Alvin and Jeffrey are STILL in the car like holy s*** guys don't you have JOBS or LIVES or something i mean jesus chrish*

[Jeffrey]: ahahahaaaaaaa man im high as FUUUUU-[Alvin]: i just want sleepi've been listening to this guy for hourspeople walked by and just staredmy mistake of a life is getting worse by the minute*So like Alvin's wish was granted and Jeffrey slips off his lap into the other chair of the car somehow i don't know it's a really sleek car ok and Alvin slips out and stumbles out to the highway and SH-OH GOD LOOK WHO IT IS BOYS AND GIRLS AND WHO THE f*** CARES ABOUT HELICOPTERS*[Bartender Crish-Crosh]: fam you drove away my customersi've been waiting for this chancenow hold the f*** still while i aim this sexy gun*So this weird f***ing hybrid of a thing and then a beautiful OC points the solid f***ING gold gun at Alvin and li-oha car like, swerves and hits Bartender Crish-Crosh, killing him, like, instantly*[Bartender Crish-Crosh]: well this is what i wanted...the sweet, sweet release of death[Alvin]: .........oh

---SOMEPLACE REALLY DARK I CAN'T SEEEEEEEEEEE---

[WeirdBomberLady]: Ahahaha! Now, that we have Alvin's young daughter...He'll do anything for her safety.[Someweirdf***ingminion#1]: Hehe, yeah boss! We're gonna give it to 'em![Someweirdf***ingminion#2]: Ohhh I can't wait![WeirdBomberLadynowshe'slookingRIGHTathecamera]: Yes. Yes we will...