Kiev

After hundreds of these, I forget that many have not attended. This may help...

Get out there and eat, Catterpillar.

What is a munch?A munch is a gathering of kinky people in a vanilla setting, usually a pub or cafe. You don’t have to worry about being outed, they look like a business group or a hobby group meet-up, not a bunch of deviants. There is a lot of socializing, friendly conversation, and eating (munches are almost always held where there is tasty food!).

Munches are a key part of the BDSM community. It is where people go to meet other kinksters, see old friends and to establish themselves in the community. If you want to go to some of the private parties that are held in your city, you will want to start out at a munch where people can get to know you. This process is often referred to as ‘vetting’. The people who host parties want to see that you can behave appropriately in a social setting, and get to know you a bit before inviting you to their private homes or dungeons.

This is also a chance for you to get to know people in your community. You can talk to people and find out who you would like to get to know better, for friendship, play or romantic encounters. You can figure out if this part of the community is right for you. Keep in mind that different munches draw different people – if you aren’t crazy about the first one you attend, try another until you find the right fit.

What to wear?Dress the way you would normally dress on a Tuesday evening (or whatever day its held on). The general rule is NO fetish wear. Discrete collars are fine, but obvious kink gear is discouraged (or outright banned).

It’s important to remember that a munch is a public gathering in a vanilla setting. Many people don’t have the luxury to be out about their sexuality. Many people just don’t see the need to advertise this side of them. Everyone has to respect everyone else, so discretion is encouraged.

What do I do there?A munch is a great place to meet people in the community. You quickly get a sense of who’s who. Many munches have ambassadors, people to greet new folk and introduce them around a bit. Talk to people, listen a lot. If you approach the munch in an open and friendly manner, you will walk away with at least a few new friends.

Any rules I should know about?

Some munches have specific rules about who can attend, for instance, TNG munches are 18 – 35 only, there are sub only or Dom only. Be sure to check the rules about attendance before you go and respect them.

Once again, do not wear any sort of fetish wear or obvious signs of kink.

Don’t expect to take pictures. Cameras and photos are usually not allowed at kink events. If you really have to take a picture, check with the organizer and make sure everyone in the frame is okay with a photo (beware of people in the background). Remember, not everyone is out about being kinky and they may not want to have their picture taken, even if they only appear in the background.

At many of these events, name tags are provided. Please remember to use the name on the tag – many people choose to use their online handle instead of their legal name for privacy reasons. Even if you know a person’s legal name, it’s best to use what is on the name tag, since it’s what they feel comfortable being addressed as.

The use of titles is generally discouraged unless you have a kink relationship with the person. It is inappropriate to approach every female presenting person in the room calling them ‘Mistress’, just as it is unrealistic to expect everyone to address you as ‘Goddess’ or ‘Master’. Don’t try to force titles on people, no matter which side of the slash you find yourself on.

Munches are not the place to pick up partners. Focus on making friends and learning the dynamics of your local group. You may make romantic connections with people you meet at a munch, but it’s obvious if you’re just on the prowl for partners. Meeting people of all genders and orientations means you can make lots of friends – who may know someone they can introduce you to, so keep an open mind.

Don’t forget to pay your tab before you leave! If you forget to pay, then your host will have to pick up your bill – which isn’t very fair at all.

-- Ms Morgan Thorne

If you have not heard of Morgan..she is a longtime member of the community I have know her over 25 years. She says this much better than I.

Addendum: A munch is not a good place to consume alcohol.. Please do not ask.. ;)

Your life, your decisions, your path and way. A path chosen is never wrong for you. Doubt this and the inner conflict will halt your way. Right or wrong you are YOU and the path is yours.. forward always..never back.

Fly!

“There is a wisdom that is woe; but there is a woe that is madness.

And there is a Catskill eagle in some souls that can alike dive down into the blackest gorges, and soar out of them again and become invisible in the sunny spaces.

And even if he for ever flies within the gorge, that gorge is in the mountains; so that even in his lowest swoop the mountain eagle is still higher than other birds upon the plain, even though they soar.”

SSC AND RACKThere are two codes within rl BDSM & D/s that are regarded as two of the foundation stones of healthy scening. These are Safe, Sane and Consensual (SSC) and RACK (Risk Aware Consensual Kink).

Of the two, SSC is perhaps the more widely known. Essentially, SSC holds that any activity between adults is acceptable as long as it is regarded as safe, sane, and consensual to both parties involved. As such, it is perceived as a “test” to whether or not a particular activity is ethical.

However, SCC is somewhat flawed as it can be a subjective measure: what I find to be “safe” and “sane” you might regard as utterly dangerous and completely insane – regardless of what I or the person I am with believes; and if the person I am with is a novice, how can we be sure that they can be fully aware of what is involved and what the implications of a potential scene might be? Equally, if the Dominant is inexperienced, how can a submissive be absolutely sure that they know where any potential lines between acceptable and unacceptable treatment lay?

Obviously, communication and the observation of limits and Safewords should always be observed throughout any scene, but there is a risk within SSC that things might be taken for granted by the Dominant partner, and the submissive may feel under undue pressure to accede to Y in a scene because they agreed to X – and the two aren’t really that far removed from one another.

It is for reasons like these that RACK has grown in popularity within D/s communities, as it hold that a more objective approach to scening is taken. Risk Aware places an additional emphasis to discuss and explore what can / might occur within a scene or activity and determine where any dividing lines between mental comfort and discomfort might be reached, and where potential lines should be drawn; it provides for an atmosphere of Informed Consent to be given – particularly important when dealing with more inexperienced Dominants and submissives alike.

THE “X” IN THE CORNERWithin SL, some might argue that both SSC and RACK are redundant; after all, no-one is really at risk here; we have plenty of “outs” if things get uncomfortable from simply walking away from a scene through to Tping out and up to the ultimate of hitting the “X” in to the right corner of the Viewer window and logging off. For the same reasons, no-one can really be forced into doing something BDSM-wise (or any other wise) they don’t want to do.

All true – but irrelevant. It doesn’t matter if people “cannot” be “forced” into something in SL; the fact is that very real emotional involvement are responses can and often are involved in in-world scenes. Like any other activity in Second Life, D/s and BDSM can, and do, involve people’s feelings. Just because people have the aforementioned outs, doesn’t mean SSC (or more particularly RACK) don’t have a part to play in SL BDSM.

Through the proper application of RACK, misunderstandings between Dom/mes and subs in open play can be avoided. Yes, some “spontaneity” may be lost – but there is far more to be gained if time is taken to ensure the implications of a given type of play are clearly understood.

The more responsible BDSM play areas in SL have taken this on-board. Notecard givers ensure visitors receive a full explanation of what they can expect to find and see within the sim / parcel they are visiting. Rules are clearly laid out.

But this does not absolve Dominants who visit these places from the responsibility of ensuring the subs they find / take have actually a) read the aforementioned Notecard; b) really do understand the implication of the specific rp being entered into.

And yes, I appreciate the above may sound like a directive from the Department Of The Bleeding Obvious – but the fact is, RACK and SSC frequently get overlooked in SL in the headlong rush for vicarious fulfilment. As a result, people do get hurt; and the only way to prevent such hurt occurring (however unintended) is for Dom/mes to take the responsibility to ensure the sub(s) they are scening with understand the possible risks (in terms of personal taboos being crossed, etc.), involved in the play.

UNDERSTANDINGAnother important aspect in engaging in initial discussions around RACK or SSC with a new partner is understanding what you are both seeking from a potential scene: is it “just play”, or something potentially deeper or which might lead to something more lasting? No everyone visiting a BDSM role-play sim is there just for “fun”; similarly, not everyone exploring D/s and BDSM in SL is investigating the lifestyle – they may be there for “simple” sexual kicks. Discussion helps to reveal things that might in turn help shape how a scene plays out.

A further aspect of observing RACK and SSC in D/s and BDSM in Second Life is that there are many looking in on the broad D/s BDSM community with an attitude that any form of D/s is “wrong” -that it is, for example, akin to assault. While such people cannot be dissuaded from their misplaced views and ideas, the clear, demonstrable use of precepts such as SSC and especially RACK can help diffuse the hostile sentiments such individuals frequently express towards the SL D/s community as a whole.

For those seeking a deeper relationship in SL D/s, RACK helps lay the other foundations that are intrinsic of any relationship – honesty, communication, trust and respect. As such, it doesn’t matter that the world in which we-re operating is virutal – the rules remain the same, as do the potential results.

We have all been there for someone. It is painful to watch them work through overwhelming issues especially when we feel we are unable to directly help.

I propose that while they must be strong- it is even more important to be strong for them. Strength is contagious..lead by example... be sympathetic but hold them to task when they cannot. Strength begets strength.

In this way you show more love than you know.

As a Marine brother once said. "Pain is just weakness leaving the body."

It is a weakness you can support in hard times by keeping yourself together.. and never stop fighting.