Earlier this summer, the English language added its one-millionth word (it was "Web 2.0"), which means if you can't find the perfect words to say exactly what it is you're trying to say, you're officially not trying hard enough.

However, some words just say it all. In the same way that the Smurfs had "smurf," we have "dude." Dude is the Swiss army knife of the English language. Happy? Dude! Sad? Dude. Ambiguous sense of dread? Duuuuuuuude. Disbelief? Dude? Out of those million words, "dude" pinch hits like no other (except maybe "shit").

I wanted to test this theory of mine. I wanted to put my ear to the street and listen for dudes, for real dudes using the word dude, not a bunch of pretentious smarty-pants who would deny ever using my favorite word. I realized, here in the YouTube age, to observe the common man in his natural element, I didn't even have to leave the couch.

So, I present to you, my completely unscientific survey of dude usage in just five videos.

Kid Beat by Cop

This content is imported from YouTube. You may be able to find the same content in another format, or you may be able to find more information, at their web site.

Usage:Sympathy Dude

We've all been there. Everyone has a buddy who is extremely open to suggestion. You get a bright idea, like, say, flipping off a cop. Nothing could possibly go wrong. This will be hilarious. Finally, your brass-balled friend decides to go for it and you're left to watch in horror as the cop uses his billy club to play whack-a-mole on his skull. You feel terrible. You know it's your fault. There is only one thing you can say in a situation like this: dude.

Kid Breaks Through a Windshield

This content is imported from YouTube. You may be able to find the same content in another format, or you may be able to find more information, at their web site.

Usage:Angry Dude

So you know how I was just saying that you have that idiot friend who is really open to suggestion? The thing that makes having a friend like that a liability, is that he's open to suggestions from anybody, even someone who might want to watch him hurl his body through the windshield of your Honda Civic when all you're trying to do is find a good parking spot.

Kid Slaps His Mother on Dr. Phil

This content is imported from YouTube. You may be able to find the same content in another format, or you may be able to find more information, at their web site.

Usage:Maternal Dude

Bringing a child into the world is one of the most magical and rewarding things a person can do. But that relationship with your child is destined to get complicated. The child wants increasing independence as he tries to assert himself in the world. With all of the emotions boiling over and hormones raging, sometimes all a mom can do is look her son square in the eye and call him "dude." And sometimes, like in this video, the conversation that follows is so tense and so violent, it's up there with Robert DeNiro and Christopher Walken playing three bullet mow mow in The Deer Hunter.

Funny Surfer Dude

This content is imported from YouTube. You may be able to find the same content in another format, or you may be able to find more information, at their web site.

Usage:Dude Dude

Dude may be the pinch hitter of the English language, but if all you got is pinch hitters, what you don't have is a baseball team. What I'm saying here is, the dude can be overdone. While I may be mocking him, something tells me this guy isn't stressin' about it.

Husband Busts Wife Cheating on Him on Father's Day

Usage:Jilted Dude

This is the most depressing video on the list and the singular reason I keep strategically placed aluminum tee ball bats all over my property. If this ever happens to me, mark my words, before I wring the tears out of my goatee, I will exact my revenge on that backstabbin' bastard's car by inflicting upwards of $50 worth of damage.

This content is created and maintained by a third party, and imported onto this page to help users provide their email addresses. You may be able to find more information about this and similar content at piano.io

This commenting section is created and maintained by a third party, and imported onto this page. You may be able to find more information on their web site.

A Part of Hearst Digital Media
Esquire participates in various affiliate marketing programs, which means we may get paid commissions on editorially chosen products purchased through our links to retailer sites.