For as many things that we love and make us all dewy and glowing from the inside, there’s probably an exponential amount of things that drive us bat shit crazy. That chap our asses. That make our teeth itch. That could drive us to drink at the drop of a hat. That just about causes steam to blow out of our ears. Why is that? Why do we love some things so passionately but then counter them with a bazillion things that annoy us to the point of blinding rage? OK . . . maybe I exaggerated a bit on that last bit but not by much. And in the spirit of the collaboration that is O + U, here’s a list of the things – small and not so small – that annoy us just a tiny, tiny bit.

People who stop over unannounced and stay forever. Door slammers. Allowing the door to slam instead of holding it for the next person. Texting drivers. Circulars that get thrown on the front porch. Balloons. Smacking gum. Slow drivers in the fast lane. Floaters in the toilet, especially in the public bathroom. People who try to push their religious beliefs on your kids. The smell of Resolve carpet cleaner. Grammar errors. The smell of roof tar. Dogs with eye boogers. Stains. Children with too short shirts and pants. Fundraising. Fanatical parents at children’s sporting events. Gender stereotyping. Outdoor dogs. People who don’t “appreciate” our cooking. People who chew with their mouths open. Well done steaks. Being short one ingredient in a recipe. Someone not waving ‘thank you’ when you let them in during traffic. Vague Facebook status updates. Outdoor dogs. Capitalization and punctuation. Living on a busy street with people who leave their pets out. Window clings that have happy families all in a row. Netflix streaming that locks up mid-movie. A gun on the hip in a craft store. Lurkers. Seen instead of saw.

See what we mean? That’s a pretty long list, and that’s just a discussion that occurred among ourselves in two days. And trust us, most of those things are trivial and won’t get in the way of us having a drink with you or loving you as one of our own. But a couple are deal breakers. Because who orders a well done steak?

Join us this month as we explore the things we love to hate. Anything you want to get off of your chest?

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OOooh, grammar errors. How could I have forgotten that one myself. I mean, it’s you’re. Say it separately if you have trouble. You are. Does it work? Awesome, then stop typing YOUR! Alright, I’m calming down, or adding bailey’s in my coffee, or both.

I think you covered most of mine. Something else that drives me nuts…loud drunkards. Living in the city in the summertime has its (I’m patting my back for using that correctly…LOL) disadvantages. As much as I like having the windows open, watching a movie, writing, or just plain sleeping are constantly interrupted by slurring, yelling, whistling, singing, fighting, etc.

I hear you on the loud drunkards. Considering that there is a college rental on one side of my street and an ever-revolving rental next to me, it’s never fully quiet. My favorite? When people park their cars on our street (which doesn’t allow parking) and then yell at each other at 3 AM.

Bratty kids. Parents of bratty kids who say their kids are “spirited”. Nah, he’s a short, little asshole, he’s not “spirited”. I understand some kids are spirited. But some are just assholes. Meetings. Nothing ever good came out of a meeting that couldn’t have been accomplished via email in, like 1/100th the time. That last half-inch of deodorant that breaks off leaving you smearing white paste with your finger tips so you don’t stink up the meeting. I mean, we’ve put people on the freakin’ moon, we can’t design a deodorant stick that doesn’t crap out on you near the end?

When you almost get in an accident and it’s 100% their fault but they make pissy faces and give you the finger anyway. I’m sorry you thought all four lanes were yours to turn into at will, unfortunately they’re not, so stop being a dick and get out of my lane, douche.

People that cut in line. I have a lady at my youngest son’s preschool that cuts in line every darn morning. I think I have to bring a wrench to school and hit her in the head tomorrow…
Speeding in a school parking lot. Same thing, I might take a wrench and throw it at your car.
Parents that can’t stop texting or talking on the phone when they drop off their kids. Is it too much to ask to look your kid in the eyes and say ” I love you, have a good day, I’ll see you later”?
Trucks. I hate trucks. If you don’t need them to haul around equipment you shouldn’t be driving one. Especially when you don’t know how and try to get into a parking spot, backwards, while texting. Asshole.
The last one. I absoluttely hate repeating everything I say 100 times to my kids. Clean your room. Wash your hands. Don’t jump on your brother’s head. Take that toy out of your nose…

I take it that you have been in a line dropping off kids quite a bit :) Amazing what you see going on, right? When I’m walking, I constantly see people who veer so far away from me (thank you . . . appreciated) but who are clearly going about 15 miles over the speed limit. And I want to leap out in front of them just for a little scare, but that would be insane.

People don’t walk where I live, I kid you not.
But I have the same when I’m driving, exactly the speed limit, and you have that jerk behind you so close, he’s almost sitting on your passenger’s seat. That’s when I step on the breaks. Just a little to turn on my break lights and piss them off :)

When people are outside and throw something on the ground or out the window. I could chase them down and scream, “What is wrong with you and who raised you!?” I try to understand people, but this I have a real problem with. (Well, besides the wrong use of “your” of course) Every time I email a “thank you” to our receptionist at work, she always replies “your welcome.” It kills me, but she is so cute and I’ve waited way too long now and it would surely embarrass the heck out of her if I said something after 5 years! :)

Cigarette butts on the ground piss me off to the point that I’m shocked I didn’t include in in our list (seriously, how did that escape our list?). And send the receptionist an email saying, “Oh, no . . . you’re welcome,” or figure out a way for her to thank you. I’d bake her a cake just so I could clear my guilty grammar conscience.

I’d like to say that I’ve never eaten in malice, but I’ve actually eaten a meal in tears before and gritted my teeth when the manager came over to explain what happened. Thanks, douche, but I know what happened . . . y’all got it wrong.

People that call you only to say, “hold on” about 30 times while they talk to someone else. People that constantly interrupt. Lies about stupid shit. Not putting shit back where you found it (which includes the toilet seat). Sucky search engine results. Mosquitos. I could go on…

Gotta be honest . . . the gum smacking thing wasn’t mine. I’m a huge gum smacker, which is why I don’t chew it around my students (that and it’s in our rule book that they can’t chew gum so I don’t feel like setting the bad example).