Sources at the Vatican are always on high alert, given Pope Francis’ penchant for Pizza. They’ve lost count of the times the “Pizza Pontiff” attempted to celebrate Mass with pizza, exchanging it for the host. Reported: “Pope Francis as he celebrated Communion last July in Brazil.” Pic Source: http://aboveaverage.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/pope-orders-pizza-900×0-c-default.jpg

(Moralmatters.org) Undisclosed sources close to the Vatican say Pope Francis is in repentant mourning over his foot-in-mouth remarks directed at Presbyterian Christian, GOP Candidate for American President, Donald Trump.

Aids close to Francis have been instructed to impose upon his holiness, a strict fast. Pope Francis will be placed under a strict dietary advisory. restricted from his usual 12 topping, 16 inch post dinner, pizza, to only one half the amount with 50% less toppings. No beer allowed; only the driest of Italian wine, deluded in water.

The pontiff’s inner circle is tight-lipped about this latest papal embarrassment. However there are reports that Catholic Cardinals are meeting to discuss gift possibilities which Pope Francis may have at his disposal, to offer to “the Donald” and to Trump’s umpteen millions of American Catholic-voter supporters.

One source, reported closest to the “‘holy’ father,” is said to have convinced Pope Francis to sprinkle holy water on an aerial map of the Vatican. This map would then be forthwith delivered to Donald Trump with architectural fortification secrets. Enclosed within the package would be a stash of Vatican cash to help jump-start the Mexican / American border wall. It is hoped by Vatican inner circles that this plan, along with the Pope’s pizza fast, would satisfy Vatican requirements of genuine penance.

Other sources say that the pontiff desires to avoid, at all costs, thousands of years in purgatory. Another particular source, stated that Pope Francis greatly fears purgatory, and that the “‘holy’ father” feels he may never see the light of celestial day, forever stuck, tormented, there. Still, there are other Vatican sources, reporting to have no sympathy for this political correctness, pope.

To all heart-stricken and worried about Pope Francis, please pray for his recovery. Vatican 24 / 7 watchful guards, have stripped him of all his papal vestments, concerned for his personal safety. Also, pray for the guards that they are not overcome, witnessing Pope Francis’ deep regretful agony.

“A thinking person will question what he hears; examine what he sees; and evaluate what others would have him believe.”

“When did big government and its mainstream media tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?”

[Pastor emeritus Nathan M. Bickel]

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Note: The above article was (is) intended for the most part, to be satire. This Christian emeritus pastor, hopes and prays that Catholic Christians will not get bent-out-of-shape. This Moralmatters author challenges you to examine your Church’s teaching and tradition in light of Biblical Scripture.