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12 Questions with DKL

A: It’s a long story. The concept goes back to when I was dating Fawn Brodie, a few months after I got kicked out of Hogwarts . . .

Q: You went to Hogwarts? No way! Man, I’ve always dreamed of that. Did you play quidditch?

A: Kaimi, Kaimi. You’re focusing on the wrong thing. The point is not that I attended Hogwarts. The point is that I got kicked out. Frankly, the only reason I ever attended was as a necessary prerequisite to eventual expulsion.

Q: Wow. That is so profound and witty, Dave, with just a hint of detached, rebellious irony.

A: Very discerning. Most people miss the irony.

Q: Not me. I’m all about the irony, man. So, let me ask about your name. The word structure, David King Landrith — it’s similar in many ways to the structure of the name, Alfred Lord Tennyson.

A: Yes, it is. But I’m a better poet.

Q: You certainly are, Dave. Your comments shine with poetry. By the way, is it okay if I call you Dave?

A: I have many names. They include David; Arturo; Random John; Miranda Park Jones; DKL; Bloggernacle Snarker; Frank McIntyre; Azazel; The Eminent Mormon; and Master Mahan. I am legion. I was once cast into a herd of pigs.

Q: Wow – that’s amazing. I had forgotten that you were the genius behind Miranda Park Jones. I always thought that she was so vibrant. How was it that you were able to write the part of a woman, so convincingly?

A: I turned to Jack Nicholson’s advice from “As Good as it Gets” — “I think of a man, and I take away reason and accountability.” Also, I try to suppress my natural incisiveness.

Q: Well, you have certainly had an amazing blogging career, Dave. Is it true that you are planning on challenging Mitt Romney for the title of Most Awesomest Mormon Republican in all of Massachusetts?

A: You’ve got it backwards, my boy. Any challenge for that title would necessarily be initiated by him, not me. However, Mitt has far too much good sense to start a fight he’s sure to lose.

Q: Wow, you’re absolutely right. Well, Dave, I think one thing that your readers admire in you is your cosmopolitan sophistication. Tell us — what wine would best pair with a camembert-and-prosciutto-on-rye sandwich? And what would be the ideal cigar for smoking afterwards?

A: My answer would vary somewhat according to the country of origin of the rye bread. For a standard American rye, I would probably recommend a sauvignon blanc by Corbett Canyon, which you can pick up for a very reasonable price at Costco. As for cigars, I normally refuse to smoke anything I haven’t rolled myself. But in a pinch, a Cohiba will do.

Q: Incredible. On a related cultural topic, here’s a longstanding question among your fans — what is the greatest Manilow moment? There are so many to choose from.

A: The best Manilow moment clearly comes just before minute 3 of Mandy, right when Barry inhales poignantly, almost imperceptibly — like a miniature sigh — just before starting the chorus. It’s the second best moment in all of music, directly behind the guitar solo at the end of Comfortably Numb.

Q: What incisiveness! How can you be sure? Musical moments are so hard to judge for me, especially Manilow.

A: Kaimi, that kind of mushy-headedness will get you in trouble. Let me explain this in simple terms. I am what we call a positivist. And I am positive that those are the best musical moments. There can be no doubt about it. Any other conclusion would be like saying that unicorns exist. And unicorns don’t exist, do they?

A: Um, no.

A: I rest my case.

Q: Wow. Well, you are clearly the heart and soul of the bloggernacle, Dave. Would you blog with us? Please? You would have absolute artistic freedom. Your choice of corner offices. If you want, we will let you be the short, mustachiod dictator of Times and Seasons. You could even get rid of Nate. Please, please grace us with your blogging presence, o DKL.

A: Kaimi, I must regretfully decline. The DKL cannot be confined to a single blog. The DKL is the universal essence of contrarian irony and kicked-out-ness. The DKL is everywhere and nowhere simultaneously. There is a DKL that resides inside each of us, if only we have the courage to let it comment on the blog-posts of our hearts and souls.

And besides, Kaimi, the DKL is far too cool for your lame blog. The DKL speaks in third person. And if the DKL were to blog anywhere, it would probably be at By Common Consent.

I have to say that I am personally deeply offended by this affront. I am disgusted that someone like DKL would pretend to be me, who am clearly all real woman. I mean, really! My fiction is far better than anything that man could even try to write. Liar, that what he is! And, Kaimi, I take it as a personal insult that you would even allow him to usurp this forum to promulgate such vicious lies. I will never guest post here!!!

DKL . . .now don’t you be dissin’Corbett Canyon. Them’s fightin’s words out here on California’s Central Coast. Nice interview . . . though I thought for sure you’d have included that unmentionable pink blog as one where you might blog as well ;-)

meems on March 31, 2006 at 8:55 am

I’m so sto-o-o-oked, Dudes.
And the Banner’s (ahem) a great hommage, people.

DKL on March 31, 2006 at 9:27 am

I’d like to take a moment to thank everyone who contributed to making these questions possible.

As far as the site design, it is a definite improvement. Well done. At last, I feel at home on Times and Seasons.

I don’t mean to nitpick, but Cohibas are best for weekends or special occasios (the Cuban ones, of course–if you’re going to smoke a Dominican Cohiba, then you might as well have a Macanudo (Cuban or Dominican). For everyday smoking pleasure, Arturo Fuente is a better value.

Guy Murray: …now donâ€™t you be dissinâ€™ Corbett Canyon.

Well, last time I checked (and honestly, it was years and years ago) Corbett Canyon had a respectable $5 bottle of Cabernet from Chili that was as good as almost anything you could get for $8 or $10 out of California or Australia (Australians stopped being really good values around 1997–about the time that Chateau Reynella went from $12 to $26 per bottle).

And DKL, you are indeed a gentleman and a scholar for politely enduring Kaimi’s good-natured ribbing.

This is TRUE Bloggernacle fun (lack of fondue not withstanding)!

queuno on March 31, 2006 at 12:33 pm

Re #9 – Would that be East Texas Chili or Cincinnati Chile or New Mexican Chili? I’m confused.

annegb on March 31, 2006 at 12:52 pm

You are Frank McIntyre????? and a Random John? and the anarker? You wrote to me about yourself?

dang, David. I am confused.

Boris Max on March 31, 2006 at 1:00 pm

Kami-

If, for the sake of argument, someone were to use this thread in a Rhetoric of Technology class to illustrate ego-casting (the neologism is intended to contrast broadcasting and its wide audience), would you sue them?

annegb on March 31, 2006 at 1:27 pm

No offense, but I don’t like your new colors. I like the old colors better. Easier to read.

Kaimi Wenger on March 31, 2006 at 2:53 pm

Anne and Ethesis,

This template is but for a moment, and shall pass.

Kaimi Wenger on March 31, 2006 at 2:57 pm

Boris,

I’m not sure what you mean. This is an anomaly as a post, a gag post, and most relevant to the particular community of readers — is that what you’re aiming at?

annegb on March 31, 2006 at 3:03 pm

This is a gag? A gag? Let me come and slap you.
If I didn’t have a sense of humor, I would be in deep **** because I am so clueless.

Happy April Fools T&S! Thanks for the moment of shock and awe that quickly turned into a sense of … what a fool I am. You got me for a minute there.

DKL on March 31, 2006 at 4:01 pm

I’m a bit taken aback by the fact that everyone thinks that this is a gag. Kaimi, I paid to fly you out to Boston, I tell you about my romantic fling with Fawn Brodie, I give you the scoop on the fact that I’m a random john and Frank McIntyre (which nobody has thus far even suspected), I share with you my most cherished Manilow tidbits, and now you disavow the resulting interview by calling it a gag?

If I’m Random John, then my outing of myself as MPJ must sure have annoyed me. I don’t know how I live with me.

It’s probably because I’m also a demon. That must be how I got my neck so long.

NOT DKL! on March 31, 2006 at 6:34 pm

I get it now. It was the scam of the century. DKL builds personae of a random John, Frank McIntyre, and Miranda PJ. Then, DKL uses his random john persona to investigate Miranda and uses his Frank persona to out himself (DKL) as Miranda. All the while he maintained a mind-boggling triangle of hate (Miranda hates DKL, a random john hates Frank McIntyre, Frank McIntyre hates DKL…)! No wonder DKL stands proudly astride all decency and proclaims, demon like, “I AM LEGION.”

Who else is DKL? Jim F? annegb? Wilfried? Julie? Adam? Sumer Evans? Naomi Frandsen? Jimmy Hoffa? It sounds like a bad horror film, but I really wonder: Is everybody here just a DKL persona? Am I the only other person who’s even on the ‘nacle? How many of the 12 million members does DKL account for?

annegb on March 31, 2006 at 10:28 pm

I swear I am not DKL. I am a real person. Not that I’d be insulted to be David, but I’m not.

Frank McIntyre on March 31, 2006 at 10:33 pm

24 NOT DKL,

I think you’ve got the right idea, but you should know that Frank McIntyre outed DKL’s Miranda thing in a fit of passive indifference. No hatred involved. DKL’s Frank persona lacks sufficient emotional range to hate anybody.

I think one of the questions was inadvertently posted as an answer. Threw me off. I guess April Fool’s comes early in NYC.

DKL on April 1, 2006 at 1:03 am

NOT DKL!:Is everybody here just a DKL persona? Am I the only other person whoâ€™s even on the â€˜nacle?

Dude. Get a grip.

annedbNot that Iâ€™d be insulted to be David…

LOL. No if only Miranda had felt that way…

laura wI miss Banner of Heaven

Thank you, laura. So do I.

annegb on April 1, 2006 at 12:35 pm

yeah, not that there’s anything wrong with that.

I do wonder, however, if I’m not the only person in my world, and that you guys are the only real people in your world and we are all hooked up to computers having a virtual experience with computer guru angels walking quietly around monitoring and God is with the big computer watching all of us.

For reals, I think this is possible.

John T. on April 1, 2006 at 12:41 pm

What cigar would one smoke after a prosciutto and camembert sandwich? ……. This is too funny to come from a member in good standing.
I’m referring you to the Strengthening Members committee. Rye humor will not be tolerated!

John T. on April 1, 2006 at 12:49 pm

I dunno about God, but there is another 3 letter acronym watching us. For that, you can be sure.

annegb on April 1, 2006 at 1:04 pm

Which is why I don’t use my real name.

How do you use camembert and brie on sandwiches. Do you slice it or melt it? Or let it get soft in the room temperature and then slice it? gardnera@netutah.com

gst on April 1, 2006 at 9:05 pm

Who is this short, mustachioed dictator you reference? Someone fill me in.

dsilversmith on April 1, 2006 at 9:44 pm

“a few months after I got kicked out of Hogwarts” I did not think could bet kicked out of Hogwarts, I thought they “Exspelled” you ;^ )

DKL on April 2, 2006 at 12:06 pm

John T., I have it on good authority that the Strengthening the Saints Committee doesn’t give a fig about what I write.

I’m glad to see that DKL has advanced to the second step of pubilic rehabilitation:
“first endure, then parody, then embrace”

Kimball Hunt on April 3, 2006 at 8:58 pm

If a dkl
(Smiles– Which, as a generic, I’ve decided to put in lower case)
can never be in full communion with the ‘nacle,
certain sites remain accomodating to irritating critiques.
Which irritation leads thier authors to be parodied.
But since the dialectic resulting from interaction with questions and criticisms is beneficial, this process is embraced.
And so such imput continues to be endured.