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Oh, Heidi, if I didn’t already have awesome plans, I’d be coming to your house. Yes, it would be awkward…everyone would be all, “Um…who is that at the end of the table?” and you’d have to explain, “Oh, she’s a stalker I got off Suzy. It’s like she’s a virus. I really shouldn’t have posted my menu online, which I realize NOW” and we’d all laugh. Or probably not. Good thing for you and your family (and the turkeyhands runner that I’d have probably stolen because it’s really cute and I can’t make things like that because it involves cloth. And talent.), I will be having Thanksgiving in my sister’s brand-new, just-built home (they moved in at the end of September) and I tell you this because the “homemade rolls” item on your menu just set me off. I felt a rage wash over me, anger like no other anger because of this: http://006point7ekgo.wordpress.com/2012/11/22/happy-thanksgiving-please-pass-the-stupid-rolls/ And I wanted to say that THIS year, because my sister is hosting, SHE IS MAKING THE ROLLS! BY HAND! We will also have homemade rolls, just like you, and this makes my soul sing.

Happy Thanksgiving, internet friend. I hope the day is wonderful and that you don’t throw up from eating too much and then laughing too hard afterward (a common occurrence during our feasttimes. You’d think we were Roman or something)

Hi. I’m Heidi.

Lies to children for fun and profit. NYT Bestselling author of Hook's Revenge, Hook's Revenge: The Pirate Code, and Giraffes Ruin Everything.

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