They say there is a reason,
They say that time will heal,
But neither time nor reason,
Will change the way I feel,
For no-one knows the heartache,
That lies behind our smiles,
No-one knows how many times,
We have broken down and cried,
We want to tell you something,
So there won’t be any doubt,
You’re so wonderful to think of,
But so hard to be without.

I have experienced death in my life, been to funerals, yet nothing has affected me as much as the loss of this little one and my heart breaks for my cousin and his wife. My mind cannot comprehend what pain they are going through, if the way I feel is only a small smudge of what they must be feeling.

How do we as a family get through this? I feel completely unsettled as there is nothing I can do to make it better, the feeling of helplessness is overwhelming. The news sent me into a spin to read up on her cause of death, which is commonly known as Cot Death. This is a phenomenon that they cannot fully explain – why do perfectly healthy babies just stop breathing? It makes no sense. As each day passes, this question goes unanswered and I feel lost.

Tomorrow is the funeral, with the little coffin. I am dreading it. I do not know whether I am going to be able to handle it, but for my family, I must. One thing that this horrific event has taught me, is that even though family is often neglected and forgotten, when a tragedy occurs, they pull together and focus on what needs to be done to help.

Dearest Adrianna,

You came to us full of laughter and joy, sweetness and light. You blessed us with your smile and laugh, you made a home in our hearts. We will always carry you in our hearts and miss your beautiful face. Until we meet again, we carry with us every second of every day.

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3 thoughts on “She left a smudge on my heart”

That poem above brought tears to my eyes. I lost my son a few weeks ago, and my pain is still very fresh. There are moments I don’t believe he’s really gone. I have dreams about him, and after I wake up I feel like I’ve lost him all over again. I’m truly sorry for y’all’s loss. May God be with you through this hard time. I truly know how it feels, and I’m not sure how anyone could heal from pain this deep. I’m taking it one day at a time, that’s all we can ever do. Prayers for you.