Louis Farrakhan

Local boy makes good! Successful restaurateur and leader of his own very own full-fledged pseudo-Muslim cult, this 68 years young native of Roxbury, Massachusetts spends most of his time surrounded by a lot of people named Muhammad, many of them his own illegitimate children who are willing to die for him! Walaikum Salaam: it's Arabic for good old fashioned American know-how and ingenuity!

But does he really inspire any more fear or respect than your average everyday American black man? Just ask communist homosexual South Park creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone, who backed down from airing an episode of their cartoon ridiculing Farrakhan's Nation of Islam because they didn't want to end up like Minister Malcolm X, whom Farrakhan likely had killed for disagreeing with cult founder Elijah Muhammad! Or ask fellow black man Spike Lee who removed any mention of Farrakhan from his epic film "Malcolm X" after receiving specific, direct threats from the Minister!

Why not ask the one or two white residents of Washington D.C. how they felt on the day of the Million Man March!? Or maybe you could talk to the Chicago Housing Authority policemen who, refusing to patrol the infamous north-side housing project Cabrini Green for fear of being killed, were replaced by Farrakhan's Fruit of Islam soldiers who did the job without weapons (unless you count the deadly bow-tie!)

At his ripe old age, many people have accused the Minister of softening some of his core views. They point to his efforts in recent years to establish ties with other prominent Muslim leaders, like Libyan dictator Muammar Qaddafi (who offered $1 billion to the NOI).

But are Jews still evil? Should all the blue-eyed devils still die? Did a black scientist named Yakub really invent the white race 6,600 years ago? Was Farrakhan actually whisked away by a spaceship in 1985? We, his public, wait with bated breath to see how he will answer the continued accusations of the filthy, devil-jew media.