Romeo Wilfred Brimley

Hi, I'm Romeo and I have die uh BEE tus. It would be funny if it weren't so sad.

I can watch a dramedy but I don't like living one.

Just last week I was joking about waking up at 2AM to let Romeo out every night, then it became 2AM and 5AM and instead of being his normal manic hyper super crazy self, he was just a smidge off. Still loving his walks and barking like a maniac at every little noise until we tell him to SHUT IT. But a mother knows when her min pin is not totally himself and so after a week of his weirdness, we took him to the vet.

Did you know vet techs are trained to collect urine samples from nervous trembling shifty creatures who get so wigged out at the vet they step around like they're on hot coals until you sit down and suddenly they're in your lap with their teeth chattering? The techs have to gently pry your dog away from you, snap him onto a leash, and lead him through the hallway of lava until he gets to his favorite place on earth, OUTSIDE. Only OUTSIDE has lost its majesty because it's OUTSIDE the vet office and that is still within the danger zone.

Turns out the vet techs are trained for this kind of hysteria. They use a Dixie cup with a wire wrapped around it and they walk your dog until he can't stand it anymore and lifts his leg halfheartedly just barely and BAM, cup is under the pee stream and the sample is COLLECTED.

Urine test came back showing tons of sugar in my sugar bean's pee. Blood test came back two days later and you can see his levels of everything diabetes related is crazy off the charts. Glucose almost 4 times the norm, cholesterol, and all the other stuff that's supposed to be normal when your kidneys and pancreas are working the way they should.

The disease is apparently fairly manageable. The pharmacist at CVS told me she had a one year old rescue Samoyed who lived for 9 years with diabetes. The question is, will we live 9 years dealing with a diabetic min pin?

We now have to give Romeo two shots every day, morning and evening, after he eats. Which means we have to actually pay attention to when he eats and not just let him snack and refill his bowl whenever it's empty. Which means Tofu and Coco are going be super annoyed because they're going to be locked into a room when it's time for them to eat their food. Because all three of them will now be on different diets. Coco: sweet potato and fish for itchy skin. Romeo: high fiber Science Diet for his diabetes. Tofu: anything and everything she can get her little Chihuahua garbage disposal mouth onto.

Plus, because our vet is a realist and maybe because he knows the limitations of the normal pet owner, he is not forcing us to prick our dog every day for blood tests. We are going to test his urine though, and try to keep him from becoming hypoglycemic because that can be deadly. Slightly hyperglycemic is preferable. But we will still need to have Karo sugar syrup on hand to rub on his gums in case of emergency. Or in case we need a quick pecan pie.

100 ml insulin, enough for about a month: $62 (Yes we keep it next to the butter.)

100 single use syringes: $14

Urine test strips: $13

Karo syrup: $4

Omega fatty acid fish oils to help with his skin: $12

Science Diet W/D high fiber food: $27

We used to always joke around about how much we'd sell him for because he can be such a little imp, breaking into the treat cupboard and leading the other two on several turkey jerky feeding frenzies on the unfortunate occasions I didn't pack away my lunch bag high enough. But now, we just want him back to his hyper hypo self.

I didn't bring you all the way from a mobile home park in Phoenix to let you go out like this, Mister. If Wilfred Brimley can do it, so can you Chomey.