Tag Archives: joy

In my quest to continue my journey to letting go and giving way to better balance, I have started to notice some signs that I may just be coming around.

By way of compromise.

I am the queen of anti-compromise. I am all for *other* people compromising, but when it comes to compromise myself, I fully admit I am kinda bad at it. (my sister Jess is likely nodding her head right now…stop nodding so hard, I know, I know!)

Some of these signs of compromise are smaller, some of them are bigger, but they are all signs that maybe, just maybe I am capable of compromise and letting go of the need for perfection and my ‘particular (aka type A like whoa…) ways.

For example…

My numbers fixation. I used to stress about how many workouts I did – my ‘me’ workouts compared to those I teach. Now? I have gotten into a good cadence of balancing those ‘me’ workouts with how many classes I teach in a week. If I teach more, I pare back, if I teach less or equivelant to my ‘norm,’ I go by feel. If I feel good, I’ll try and hit that fourth run of the week, if I am tired, I may not. Or maybe I’ll – gasp – cut a run short. Something I NEVER would have done a year ago. I’d think about that number too much. Now I have not a clue how far I run usually, unless I know the route already (and I never usually look at the mileage on the treadmill, but go by length of time, if anything). To me, this is huge progress. Smarter, not harder, ‘phase two’ – my evolving workouts just work for me, I have never felt better, I feel fit, I feel worked, but I don’t feel exhausted, *too* sore (in a bad way, just a good hurts-so-good way) or running on fumes. I feel like I’ve hit the balance I need, and the ‘happy place’ in my mind too. It’s not a constant battle anymore. Compromise does a body good.

Another way? I have eased up – somewhat – on my neat freak attitude. Just a little (‘cmon, this takes time, people, this is a deep seated one!). I actually – gasp – LEFT a dish in the sink overnight soaking and didn’t feel the urge to wash it. As a matter of fact, I completely forgot about it, because I was too engrossed in watching ‘Sideways’ with M (though that movie is somewhat depressing, all of the wine humor and scenery gets me every time), with a cup of tea, curled up on the couch. *That* is much more important than a dirty dish, no? Compromise makes for a less stressy mind, and home.

I’ve also tried to slow down – continually – in my quest to enjoy more each day, and stop stealing my own joy, rushing through the mundane or day to day moments, and tried to enjoy every day, not just weekends, not just when I am with M, or my sisters, or my friends. This one also takes work and concerted effort, but I think the more I focus on it, the more aware and in tune with the ‘in-between’ moments as Jeff Goins would say, I will be. Compromise – choosing battles and calming down – has made me happier day to day.

So, I guess you could say I am feeling pretty peaceful right now, I am allowing for compromise, and imperfection, and simply, just changing my way of thinking just a little, and it’s going a long way.

We sat down – finally – on Monday night and looked around…pictures on the walls (some still waiting to be hung), two kitties snuggling on our new couch ottoman (the thing is ginormous and I love it!), and looked at each other, and just breathed. Almost an exhale of…we’re home. And it was the first time we had not a thing to do, at that very moment. No packing, no boxes to stare at, waiting to be filled. No logistics to line up. No electric, or cable or phone company to call to schedule installation. No paperwork to sign, fax, mail. Nothing.

Just to sit and….be.

And now, just about a week since we closed on our home, we *are* home. This IS home. I have been walking around grinning like a fool, and every time I walk into our kitchen, I think ‘holy crap, this is OUR kitchen? Are you sure we aren’t just on vacation and have to leave soon?!’. Every time I walk anywhere in the house and realize how far apart things are, how much space we have, I marvel. I think about how far we have come. I think about my first home, too, and how I thought *that* was home…and how very much home has never felt more right than ever. And I look at M’s face and I’ve never seen more pride and joy in his eyes. And he – close to tears – on moving night, happy, joyful, feeling blessed. We are feeling blessed.

This home is our hearts and souls, our lives, our journey. Home is us.

This week, I randomly declared it a week of ‘doing lunch differently’ as I am often inspired by instagram and some of my favorites (including the queen of random, yet delicious, flavor combinations, Lindsay, and Kabocha Queen Sarena!), and because I have been on a huuuuuge wrap kick over the last few months, I figured it was time to switch it up, especially since I am so fortunate to work from home and really can make whatever I want for lunch, not something more suited to an ‘office’ lunch (a can-be-made-ahead wrap, for example!).

And I gotta hand it to myself…I made some freaking delicious meals this week. Take a gander below, or on my instagram and you’ll see loads of variety, which included kabocha (and lots of it, anywhere I could get it! My latest obsession, it is just.so.good!), lentils, a kickass lemon parmesan yogurt sauce, hard boiled eggs, beets, avocado and grilled chicken, to name a few. Droooool.

This week’s experiment made me realize two things: I crave good, fueling, fresh foods, and I love food. I’d so much rather devour a bowl of oatmeal than a bagel…though once in awhile, that bagel, freshly made from only a local bakery, of course, truly hits the spot, something I know that will fill me up and also taste so.damn.good. Not only do I crave good, fueling, fresh foods…I just love eating. I know that may be a funny thing to say, but I just do. I LOVE food.

Which brings me to Lindsay’s post this week, one of my absolute favorites from her, on what’s important when it comes to eating. Is it the bottom line: how many calories are in it? Or, is it, will this satisfy me physically but yes, also mentally. There is nothing wrong with food bringing you joy(it’s just when it *only* brings you joy, I suppose, where it becomes more of a slippery slope, with fixations, mindlessness etc.). And I think for me, for awhile, I was trying to break the tie of food = joy SO much as I sought mindfulness and intuitive eating, that I would see food more as the black and white: food is a calorie, how many are in it, and then I’ll decide to eat it or not.

…stealing the joy out of it, and the experience, and surroundings entirely.

Of course, there is a balance to eating joyously and healthfully, and everyone needs to find what works for them (because what works for me won’t work for you and vice versa!), but ultimately, eating and sharing and making food should be a happy experience, not stressful, or something that causes anxiety.

And this is my evolution. Coming up on almost two years into my own personal ‘food journey’ if you will, and I realize that while I still believe food is fuel, I also think you can, and should enjoy eating, too.

Because life is far too short to scrimp and pinch and overanalyze every last drop of food you eat. It just is. Don’t you think?

I read Dorry’s blog today and her words spoke to me (again, yet again!) as I struggle (in a good way!) with the words to follow my last post on my engagement (!) to M.

And when I say struggle, I say this because I never quite expected to feel the way I feel once M proposed.

I knew he would.

I knew we would.

And I knew it is what we both wanted.

But what I didn’t know, was how I would react. How I would feel. Besides that elated, happy, can’t-wipe-the-smile-off-my-face feeling, I feel so ready. So so ready. To become a family with M. To be our own unit. To continue our story, wherever it leads us.

And part of that ready feeling? Jump, skipping ahead to the next. To IT.

To marriage.

Yet there is this ‘gap’ between now and marriage that I don’t want to look past. The here and now.The current season of our lives.

As we enjoy the bliss that we are in, embrace the love that continues to grow, and stop and practice gratitude for finding each other at exactly the right time in our lives (thanks for the unintentional nudge Lindsay!), there is so much in-between to enjoy. Individually, and together.

So this is my reminder. To me. To him. To anyone reading.

Embrace the current season of your life. Even if there is something exciting around the corner. And conversely, even if there isn’t. We only get one chance at this life, let’s do it right.

❤

(and thank you THANK YOU for all of your comments, tweets, texts and blog shout-outs. I have not stopping beaming and being blown away by all the love, happiness and support for us!!).