Some Sweet Silhouettes

So, these Nike Cooperstown Heritage t-shirts were flyin’ around the web yesterday. Not sure when they were released, but thanks to Chitwood & Hobbes for posting them and to Eephus League to bringing it to my attention. As an active participant in Movember every year, I have a passion for some good facial hair. I also have a passion for baseball. So, naturally, I’ve got a few initial thoughts on these suckers. They’re pimp, no denying it. So, let’s get that out of the way, congrats Nike, even though you generally bother me, you produced a pretty sweet series of shirts, 13 of them to start.

Now, in my humblest of opinions, here’s how you could’ve made them much, much sweeter. That friggin’ swoosh on the front shoulder is awful, I understand that you have to represent your product, but a small swoosh on the back center of the shirt just below the neck would’ve been classier. They should also have a distressed vintage look about them… they’re too crisp and pretty. Also, I sure hope Nike isn’t pretending this was an original idea of theirs. When I saw it, I immediately thought of all those horrendous SF Giants fans wearing their stupid “Fear the Beard” shirts in the World Series.

www.spreadshirt.com

I’ll say this about Brian Wilson…guy is one of two things. A very smart dude that got picked on in high school and is now trying way too hard to be funny or cool… or he’s clinically insane. I lean toward the latter. Diving even further into the deep end of the rip-off pool, Chitwood & Hobbes out they look striking similar to this Steve Nash shirt by twoeightnine.

Welp, we’ve got the unoriginal idea part out of the way, so what the heck, let’s throw them all up…I’ll take a stab at who they are, my thoughts, and away we go.
(Well crap. Sooo, as I was writing this… a friend directed me toward a nice David Brown write-up on these shirts, (@AnswerDave), and Nike spilled the beans on who they are…so, instead, you’ll get my guesses, and thanks to Dave, the actual answer from Nike below the picture. Saw @TheSportsHernia chatting about it as well. Thanks.)

Gotta be Goose Gossage, no objections on this shirt. (Nike confirms it’s Goose)

Looks like Johan Santana to me…which would be dumb. Alas, Nike says Kirby Puckett, which makes much more sense, but without his belly, it’s tough to tell.

This one is great. Obviously Mike Schmidt. If you didn’t know that, you’re not really a baseball fan…but thanks for reading this blog anyway. Nike confirms Schmidt.

This one’s pretty good… clearly Kirk Gibson, which Nike confirmed. However, my beef is this. I know his career was longer and better statistcally in Detroit, but c’mon…name any baseball fan outside of Detroit that doesn’t hear Vin Scully in their minds ear, and see this image in their minds eye when they think of Gibson.

"In a year that has been so improbable, the impossible has happened." - Vin Scully

Although I don’t think this is a particularly good representation… the only guess here is Keith Hernandez and Nike confirmed that. Is there anybody on the planet that can think of Keith and not think about this?

"Then the spit bounces off Kramer, pauses, in mid-air mind you, turns right, then left, then right & buries itself into Newmans armpit causing him to drop his baseball cap. That is one loaded luggie!"

I have no friggin’ clue who this is. Apparently Nike mistakenly said it was Wade Boggs, obviously it’s not, but the rumor is that it’s Ozzie Guillen. And if that’s the case… that’s dumb. Horrible representation.

I know there was more than one Astro with a giant goatee, but this has to be Bagwell. Thickest, burliest, goat ever. Nike confirms.

Good grief, when I see anything Cubs, I think of Ernie Banks or Ryne Sandberg… and this doesn’t look like either one of them, so I have no clue. Welp, Nike says Fergie Jenkins. Eh… not great of him, but embarrassing nonetheless that I missed it since I met him in Cooperstown a couple years back. I suck.

So, there they are… and for those of you here in San Diego with me, you noticed something frustrating about a few of these shirts… 3 Padres, no Padres shirts. I’m a baseball card junkie… I love them. So let me use a few cards to represent the 3 above Padres that had some amazing facial hair in San Diego, and 2 more that should have shirts made with facial hair silhouettes.

Try to tell me that these 3 guys as Padres didn’t have equally as awesome, or better, facial hair as Padres than they did in the tshirts Nike made. You can’t. As for the 2 Padres that NEED shirts made for them? Here ya go…

Jenkins didn’t have the facial hair when we met him…
Cammy had some great facial hair in his days with the Pads.
Coulda done one with Bochy w/an oversized head and a white eye lash
Matt Stairs had a nasty set of handle bars for a bit.
Remember Scott Spizeo’s nasty red flavor savor a few years back in the World Series?

It figures that Dodgers’ fans like yourselves would take a cheap shot at the Giants. I understand that your season was a huge disappointment and the biggest excitement was your owners’ divorce, but ripping on Brian Wilson shows your true jealousy. Fear the beard!