"The human brain is like a TV set. When it goes blank, it's time to turn off the sound." Pat Elphinstone

I know that "going blank" feeling. ￼

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The Shoplifter...

A shoplifter was caught red-handed trying to steal a watch from an exclusive jewelry store.

"Listen," said the shoplifter, "I know you don't want any trouble either.What do you say I just buy the watch and we forget about this?"

The manager agreed and wrote up the sales slip.

The crook looked at the slip and said, "This is a little more than I intended to spend.Can you show me something less expensive?"~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

According to a news report, a certain private school in Victoria,BC recently was faced with a unique problem.

A number of grade 12 girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.

Every night, the maintenance man would remove them and the next day, the girls would put them back.

Finally the principal decided that something had to be done.She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night.

To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required.

He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it.

Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A really huge muscular guy with a bad stutter goes to a counter in a dept. store and asks -"W-w-w-where`s the m-m-m-men`s dep-p-p-partment?"

The salesman then reaches into his briefcase and pulls out 2 brownies and begins munching away on one of them. He tells the irate guy -"Sir, please share one of my brownies since I have annoyed you so much".

Unwrapping the brownie, the guy takes a bite; suddenly, the guys spits it out and says:"HEY," he snarled, "this brownie tastes like it's full of onions!!!"

John was a clerk in a small drugstore but he was not much of a salesman. He could never find the item the customer wanted.

Bob, the owner, had about enough and warned John that the next sale he missed would be his last.

Just then a man came in coughing and he ask John for their best cough syrup. Try as he might John could not find the cough syrup. Remembering Bob's warning he sold the man a box of Ex-Lax and told him to take it all at once.

The customer did as John said and then walked outside and leaned against a lamp post.

Bob had seen the whole thing and came over to ask John what had transpired.

"He wanted something for his cough but I couldn't find the cough syrup. I substituted Ex-Lax and told him to take it all at once" John explained.

"Ex-Lax won't cure a cough!" Bob shouted angrily.

"Sure it will" John said, pointing at the man leaning on the lamp post."Just look at him. He's afraid to cough!"~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A man who isn't qualified keeps pestering this tailor about giving him a job selling suits. Finally, the owner tells him if he can sell this one green suit he will give him a job.

Another employee points out to owner that they have had that suit on the rack for four years, and that it is such an ugly, green suit that nobody would ever buy it.

The owner replies, "Yah, I know. That's my way of getting rid of that pest!"

Two hours later the new guy calls his boss for his next assignment.The owner cannot believe it and heads down to the store to see how this fellow did it. Upon arrival he sees his new salesman bleeding, scratched, and his clothes torn in several places, but smiling.

"Congratulations, the job is yours! Nobody has come close to selling that old, ugly, green suit.But tell me, what in the world happened to you?"

"Well, replied the salesman, the guy that bought the suit loved it... said it fit him great.As far as my injuries go, he had this really sensitive seeing-eye dog!"~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. ￼

My name is Joe and I sell jokes and coffee. ￼

Actually the jokes are free, cause I figure if people see you laughing while drinking my coffee, I'll sell more coffee. ￼

The coffee is $10 a cup.

Joebucks coffee.

Maybe I should sell the jokes and give the coffee away.

I'll could call it The Comedy Flub.

￼Have a happy day everyone.

joe

Edited by gymcandy1 (11/16/1208:52 PM)

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"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

Just got back in from hosing off my driveway entrance. Seems someone got 'poop' on their shoe and wiped it off with some post office change of address forms and left them smack dab in the middle of my driveway entrance. The mess was stuck to the concrete and I had to remove it, dispose of it and the hose off the area. I hope I got it. It was entirely dark when I finally got the hose to reach out that far. Ugh. Couldn't leave the 'sticky' stuff since cars going in or out would 'track' it up the driveway and I had no idea if it was animal or human. Smelled more like human. YUK! WHY did I smell it?!!!!

Good mornining. Thanks Joe for your openers. The diner is the first place I come to after I have a sip of tea. Morning Ana. How's your head this morning. Migraine gone? Hi Sorta, eew...that's gotta be a nasty job. Hey Trippy How are you, my friend? Hi Haroula. I hope everyone has a great Saturday. I have to get going now. Work is calling me. Oh, don't forget to exercise. It's so important.

Good morning everyone. I think we will start putting up our Chrismas lights today. Robert will be here to help, as he's leaving for a trip to California Monday. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful Saturday. Danish, Pancakes, Omelets, and French Toast in the NC. Lots of Hot Chocolate with Marshmallows too.

Good luck on your final move tomorrow Midge. You'll finally be able to relax and not be bothered by that landlady.

Hope Sassy is doing well Nan?

Haroula, glad it's not cold there. A rainy day is a good excuse to cozy up with your computer and play.

Have fun decorating Connie. Breakfast is always welcome.

Space Quest Fan and Gail - You both have great days too!

Sorta, sorry to hear about the mess. That's a disgusting cleanup!

Ana, glad to hear your migraine went away.

Joe, glad you were able to enjoy the company of Baby and Pepper.

Yesterday I tried to go bowling. The walk was harder than I remember it being but I got there. Just to find out that the hours for open bowling were changed due to tournaments. It was just as well I didn't know because I might not have gotten my walk in otherwise.

Today I'm going to walk again. I have to walk down to the Family Dollar to pickup a couple things. I'm always on the lookout for a reason to take a walk! It's going to get harder going forward as I hate the cold, but I'll get used to it.

Weather is nice here. Sunshine and temps in the 48F. Hubby and I had a long walk in the woods and now my rheumatism is flaring up again. I'am standing on one leg right now because the knee of the other one is hurting baaaaadly Who says walking is healthy?

I like the word Joekbucks Ana! You are beating Darlene today in inventing made-up words.Since I'am a great Chai Tea Latte fan and Joe says only the coffee cost 10 bucks, I don't have to pay in Joe's Dinner. WooHooooo

To Midge a happy moving day!

To Sharon: keep walking!

To Sorta: yuk yuk yuk!

To Trippy: wanted to tell you for ages that I have a friend with a Doberman. Her (the dogs) name is Eilika. Beautiful dogs!

To all: have a wonderful day and enjoy life!

Evelyne

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"You ask me what life is. That's like asking me what a carrot is. A carrot is a carrot is a carrot" (A. Chekhov)

Hello and have a terrific day Joe, Ana, Sorta, 3D, Haroula, Midge, Connie, Space Quest, Gail, Sharon, Gimil and anyone who comes in after me.

I haven't been feeling well the past couple of days, so I'm just getting as much rest as I can before the week of enormous stress is upon me. I only worked my scheduled hours yesterday, even though I could have worked later if I'd wanted. This thing certainly has bad timing. Oh, well, I still worked good hours this week, and next week, my hours will be even better.

As for now, I'm off to get some more rest. Have a great Saturday, everyone.

Good morning boomies! I slept in this morning and feel like I am running behind since. I am in slug mode.

I am going to go to the mall to check out a sweater sale daughter informed me of and then I will run the dogs. We will see what happens after that. I need to jump in the shower first so I best get rolling!

Don't know what the day holds. Daughter just text me she is quite excited. They just bought a new sofa ( It's sooo big, mom, that you almost have to crawl in and out of it! ) and new dining room set. Wants us to come and enjoy tomorrow after noon. Choose a great wine to celebrate, mom!

Slept in and it felt mahvelous! Now, I'm sippin' on Hubby's brew and reading the posts. Life is good!

Hey, Midgie! One more day until you can enjoy your new abode, yes?

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You become what you think about. Change your thoughts, change your life. - Dko