November 21, 2009

Well, it has been a long time since I have posted on my blog. We continued to treat Emily for hip dysplasia and for osteoarthritis. Our vet x-rayed Emily’s lungs (clear) and her kidneys and bladder because she was having some potty issues. All were clear but she continued to get worse. She was on prednisone and started adequan shots. Nothing helped.

For the last few weeks my husband or my son had to get Emily up with a harness (Thanks Mac) and help her walk with a sling (Thanks Jake). She had no balance . She could not even roll over on her own. It was heartbreaking to watch her. So the week before we let her go I was laying on the floor next to her looking deeply into her eyes and I promised her that if we could not help her get better we would let her go. She sighed and put her paw on my arm. I think she was relieved.

On November 10 we took her to OSU Vet hospital where they did more x-rays. This time her x-rays were not clear. Emily had a huge tumor so big it was pressing against her esphagus and had grown into her spine. She also had lung mets. They were not sure if the tumor started in the spine and grew out or what. Emily was such a brave little girl. We did not know she was in such horrible pain. As hard as it was we kept our promise. We went and picked up my youngest son from college (luckily he is only 1 1/2 hours away) and the five us were with her at the end. She got to eat part of a McDouble and a couple of chicken jerky treats but was not as interested as usual. We were able to kiss and hug her and tell her how much she was loved. I was touched beyond description that even the doctor was crying. Emily had that effect on people. People would start not being sure of her because of her size and breed (Doberman mix) but would end up in love with her.

Anyway, Nov 10 was one of the hardest days in my life. Truthfully I did not think a person could cry as long as I did. I miss her so much.

We have two other dogs, a choc. lab named Bentley and a Minature Pincher named Marley but the house seems empty even now 11 days later. Bentley and Emily were only six months apart and I think he misses her as much as we do. I am grateful we got Marley two years ago because I think it has helped Bentley.

November 19 would have been Emily’s six month ampuversay so it also was a sad day for me. I really thought she would beat the cancer and had happily anticipated the six month mark. In the mail that very day when I was so missing her so much, was plaster pawprints that OSU had made for us. I just hugged them and cried. I was so grateful to get them. One of the things I had regreted is that I was going to do her paw prints after we picked her up from her tests. I didn’t know that we would not be bringing her home.

I know this is disorganized and rambling but I just wanted to update the blog. We are going to pick her ashes up on Monday. I don’t know if that will help or make me sadder but life is what it is, even when it sucks.

So even with all the pain and all the sadness I want to let you know I have no regrets about the decision to amputate Emily’s leg. We gave her every chance at life and she had almost 6 more months. Most of those were pain free. Even with three legs Emily could run like the wind and that is how I want to remember her. She was a beautiful. loving. sweet girl that thought she was a lap dog. I feel sorry for the people that abandoned her. There lose was our gain and I am grateful for every single minute we had with her.

Someone on Tripawds forum said we grieve deeply because we love deeply. I think that is beautiful, I wish I could remember who said it so I could credit them. So thank you, Emily, for the love you gave us. I will always be proud to have been Emily’s Mom.

10 Responses to “Emily is an angel”

My heart goes out to you. My thoughts and prayers as well will be with you Monday. Although it is a day of some closure, I know I cried almost as hard picking up the ashes as I did the day I had to put our last girl down. Not even a year ago. You were a wonderful Mom and you did everything you could, Em knows that and forever will wait for you until the times comes you will be reunited.

My heart goes out to you Debra… and I will be thinking of you on Monday, when you go and pick up Emily’s ashes. It will be so difficult, unfortunately, I know too well. But you will be somewhat relieved, knowing that Emily is back home with her loving family…