I let "Friends" by City and Colour occupy my mind, instead of the dark thoughts that threatened me, while I peered out the window at the other teenage guys, messing around with each other, talking about whatever guys my age liked to talk about. My feet called me to move, to go out there, and speak to them, even if it was just a little hello, but that voice couldn't help but lurk in the back of my mind, telling me that, somehow, it would end up in tragedy. I turned up my speaker to drown out the sound of their laughter, as it filled me with distress. copyright protection48ＰＥＮＡＮＡnxZIrif74q

I rested my head on my desk, as I listened to Zachary laugh along with his friends. Honestly, Zach pissed me off, not because he was annoying, or a jerk, he isn't, just because, well... I'm jealous. He has everything I've ever wanted. People listen to him, people look his way as soon as the door swings open, people smile at him, people are attracted to him. No matter what he manages to do, everyone seems to love him.copyright protection48ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5sGZMulqxO

I picked up my phone. and dialed up Paisleigh, my best friend from last year, who ended up moving across the country, "Heyyyy Cole, how ya doin'?"copyright protection48ＰＥＮＡＮＡ70fa6GSjqE

"I'm doing okay, I guess."copyright protection48ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6GwU4ZMZHU

"You're crying. Dude, who do I have to come kill?"copyright protection48ＰＥＮＡＮＡBMmiM9M8zk

"That's easy for you to say. You've always been alone, so you don't have a problem with it. But I do. I hate this."copyright protection48ＰＥＮＡＮＡvc2KBxRqVI

"Well, there's nothing I can do for you."copyright protection48ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0DZrlbD7jn

"You can move back?"copyright protection48ＰＥＮＡＮＡX4yrgySEw1

"You know I can't do that! They tried to kill Salem last year, if they knew that I was... also trans, I wouldn't be safe."copyright protection48ＰＥＮＡＮＡo2eqMPXEgS

"So? You aren't out at your new school either. What's the difference?"copyright protection48ＰＥＮＡＮＡnhwmISym0R

"I know that my school is a good place if I wanted to come out. The only reason I haven't came out is because my parents would try and put me in conversion therapy. I can't handle that."copyright protection48ＰＥＮＡＮＡJXWhpcQhQn

"Well then why don't you just tell people at school?"52Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTFh0iovPn1copyright protection48ＰＥＮＡＮＡifpxFcnDQE

"It's difficult. I've only came out to you, and Salem before as trans."copyright protection48ＰＥＮＡＮＡweV2AEV90V

"Yeah, but when you thought you were a gay guy, you came out to the entire school at once."copyright protection48ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1JSX1iaRz1

"Cole... It was a lot easier to come out as gay. I liked dudes, so what? Most people don't have a problem with that anymore. But coming out as transgender? That's... dangerous. Salem.... they were almost murdered. Several times. Their mom kicked them out for a few months. A couple of their other friends left them. I don't want to have to fear for my life like that."copyright protection48ＰＥＮＡＮＡeSgEqWQNzH

"I... I don't get it."copyright protection48ＰＥＮＡＮＡr5Vn8v13F1

"Of course you don't. You don't live it. You don't understand what it's like. You're straight and cisgender, a lot of things are easier for you."copyright protection48ＰＥＮＡＮＡYGLRDM9NDI

"Yeah, I guess they are... I'm sorry you have to... live in a world like this."copyright protection48ＰＥＮＡＮＡPSA5w01mOA

"Eh, I've gotten used to it... Look, I have to go out for dinner with my parents, I'll talk to you later, okay?"copyright protection48ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3gGYDOuER9

"Okay, bye Paisleigh."copyright protection48ＰＥＮＡＮＡGPPrGtdPhR

"Bye Cole." She hung up, and tossed my phone across the room, flinching as it crashed against the wall. copyright protection48ＰＥＮＡＮＡy6J9cgadCY

"Cole, are you okay?" Zachary called from the other roomcopyright protection48ＰＥＮＡＮＡOGeuFSiax9

"God, you're brother's so weird." I heard one of his friends say, before I picked up my phone, and placed it on my nightstand,copyright protection48ＰＥＮＡＮＡK31ucdKmrn

"Yeah, he can be." Zachary agreed, making me frown, "But that's fine with me. I wouldn't want Cole to be any other way."copyright protection48ＰＥＮＡＮＡlf4AKKs3UZ

"How come? He seems like an embarrassment. If my little sister acted like he did, I would never want to be seen with her."copyright protection48ＰＥＮＡＮＡdedcoTS1Mo

"I dunno, bro." Zachary sighed, as I leaned back on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. 52Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8KuYzUP2utcopyright protection48ＰＥＮＡＮＡWwrX1EaM1C

God, am I that... weird? Freaky? Annoying? Embarrassing? Does Zach not want to be seen with me? Do I... bother him?copyright protection48ＰＥＮＡＮＡanSeXCYpGS

My hands shook as I grabbed the collar of my shirt, tugging down on it, trying to prevent myself from crying again. That was clearly out of my control though, since tears came streaming down my face anyways.copyright protection48ＰＥＮＡＮＡpT6D6vwZwi

Why was I even born if no one even seems to give a damn about me? Was I just meant to be a background character? Never to be noticed? Did I even have a chance to be something worth it? If not, what's the point of continuing on anymore?copyright protection48ＰＥＮＡＮＡnsPOpRtADu

Why am I the only one who will never amount to anything in this huge, cruel, world I'm living within?copyright protection48ＰＥＮＡＮＡdNR52PI0fo