Love Languages – for adults and kids!

This is a “lovey-dovey” post for Collectively Creative, a monthly get-together where bloggers write about a central theme! Please check out the links at the bottom of this post for more fun “lovey-dovey” posts!

Have you read “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman? I was encouraged to read this book before my husband and I were married, and found it very useful in understanding my soon-to-be husband :) The book points out that often people show their love through their own love language, but you may not be speaking the love language of your significant other! Making dinner might make him happy, but giving him a neck-rub at the end of a long day or telling him that I appreciate how hard he works for our family will go much further in making him feel loved!

I took the quiz again recently, as it has been a few years, and I’ve noticed that my love language has changed over time! My primary love language used to be quality time and physical touch, but now has changed to words of affirmation and acts of service. An encouraging word or help with chores around the house and I’ll feel all warm and cared for :) It is not uncommon to have two primary love languages, although they say one likely has an edge over the other. I probably shouldn’t tell my husband that I got a score of 0 for “receiving gifts”, haha! But I think he already knows that…it’s not that I don’t appreciate gifts, in fact I love receiving presents, but they just doesn’t make me feel any more or less loved by him!

Here’s a nice summary of each of the love languages, maybe you can identify yours or your significant others :)

Words of Affirmation

Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important – hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten. Kind, encouraging, and positive words are truly life-giving.

Acts of Service

Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter. Finding ways to serve speaks volumes to the recipient of these acts.

Physical Touch

This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face – they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive. Physical touch fosters a sense of security and belonging in any relationship.

Quality Time

In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there – with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby – makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful. Quality time also means sharing quality conversation and quality activities.

Receiving Gifts

Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous – so would the absence of everyday gestures. Gifts are visual representations of love and are treasured greatly.

I was very interested to see that there is a book about your children’s love language. There’s also a quiz from that same link (just click on your children). It is divided into ages 5-8, 9-12, and teens. Since our children are too young, I played around with the quizzes, just to see how it works. They have different descriptors for the children and they are summarized here so you can see which one you think best describes your child. I think our daughter’s primary love language is quality time…she really appreciates when we sit down and play with her, involve her in our projects, or spend time cuddling while reading or watching a show together :)

Acts of Service

A person whose love language is acts of service likes it when others do nice things for them such as helping with chores, helping with school projects, or driving them places.

Receiving Gifts

People with the love language of gifts feel good when someone gives them a special present or surprise.

Quality Time

People with the love language of quality time like it when others do things with them like play a game, watch television, or go to a ballgame.

Words of Affirmation

People whose love language is words of affirmation like for others to use words to tell them that they are special and that they do a good job.

Physical Touch

People whose love language is physical touch like to receive hugs, kisses, and high-fives.

What is your primary love language? Were you surprised at all by the results?

Maura, this was such an interesting post! I will have to take the quiz and have Mike take it too…I can totally see how your love language could change over time. This morning Mike made our bed while I was in the shower and when I came out, I definitely felt loved. Sometimes it’s the little things. Thanks so much for sharing this and for being a part of this month’s Collectively Creative.

Aw, that’s so sweet of your husband…yes it’s definitely the little things that can make you feel so cared for…and for me, can totally change my perspective and the way that I react or go about my day! When my husband comes home and says that dinner smells awesome, it makes me feel so good and helps me to not complain as much about things that happened during the day :) Hope you and Mike have fun with the test!!

Hi Maura, I’ve missed you but I’m glad to see you’re back… and with a spectacular post besides! Your post was so unique and interesting. I’ve never heard of this book or quizzes before but you’ve definitely got me intrigued now. I’m head over to the take the quiz and sending it to Jon too. :)

I’ve missed you too, Leah! I’ve been trying to figure out what to do with my blog…it’s been hard to keep up since I started back at work, but I still enjoy posting and reading other people’s blogs, there’s just not as much time to do it!!

Did you and Jon take the quiz? It’s really a fun exercise and helped me to learn more about Patrick (and myself) :)

I need to read that book — it’s such an intriguing topic! And it’s even more interesting that your love language can change and that’s there’s a quiz for kids. I get it though — my husband always brings me a cup of coffee each morning. I don’t think he’s missed very many, and it always, always makes me feel special and loved. I must take the quiz to see where I’m at….

I remember randomly turning on the TV one day and Dr Phil was on and in the episode he said “If you want a way to a woman’s heart empty the dishwasher”. I completely agree with that which is why I appreciate the Acts of Service part the most. When you are the primary parent who is stay at home/cleaner/cooker/laundry person, the last thing you feel like doing is getting romantic when you look at a disaster in your kitchen at 9 pm at night. Helping with that to me IS romance.

I couldn’t agree with you or Dr. Phil more :) Speaking of which, I hadn’t watched Dr. Phil in years, but did watch him the other day and was really impressed! Hope you have a wonderful Valentine’s day with your family :)

Like you, I think my love languages have changed over time. And I know that the way I show love is often different from how I receive it. I think right now, Verbal Affirmation and Physical Touch are my big two. My husband’s are Quality Time and Physical Touch. And I’ve been showing it lately with Giving Gifts! I think it’s really helpful to identify how you and your partner like to give and receive love, and to be more intentional about meeting each other’s love needs. Thanks for the reminder!

Yes, I think that was one of the biggest eye-openers about this book…that the way you naturally give love is not necessarily how your significant other best receives love! It will take more hard work to try to speak their love language, but in the end the results are so worth it :)

Hi Maura! I’ve missed you, my dear friend! How’s the transition of returning to work been for you? We really need to catch up! I haven’t really been home much lately, but hopefully things will settle down soon so I can call you! You and I are like twins ;). My love language switched from quality time to words of affirmation as well over the years. Just simple encouragement that didn’t mean much to me before like “hunnie the dinner tasted really delicious” or “thank you for doing the dishes” really brighten up my day nowadays. More than anything, I want to feel appreciated and important. I didn’t know that there was one for children as well! I had a feeling Malia’s would be quality time ;). Hope you’re doing well and ttys!!

Min, I’ve missed you too!! The transition to work has been difficult for me, it has been a lot more time consuming than I ever thought, so I’ve been having a rough time with finding a balance that works for our family. How is this semester going so far for you?

Isn’t it funny how a simple word of praise or encouragement can go so far to making you feel loved?? I feel the same way when Patrick compliments me on dinner or says what a great job I’m doing with the kids, it makes me feel like I could just burst with happiness, haha :)

Thinking of you and praying that you are getting some quality time with the Lord and with Tim despite all the busyness of work/school!

Hi Mara, Great post – I missed you! I really like the love languages book. Hubby did it with the men’s group at church and we discovered that we both have quality time top and gifts last. It makes things a lot easier. But I took the test AGES ago. I never thought about it changing over time. Maybe I’ll take it again. Hope you’re enjoying being back at work =)

I was so excited to read this post! My sisters, best friends and I just started a book club and this is our first book. My love language is Words of Affirmation. Funny story, I downloaded the book on my kindle and I guess I didn’t read the whole title and I downloaded the Men’s version! I decided to keep it so I could give the ‘male perspective’ to the book club. Ha!

Post navigation

Follow Blog via Email

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Welcome!

I'm Maura and welcome to My Healthy 'Ohana! I'm a 31 year old full time mom and part time pediatrician living in Honolulu, Hawaii. I love good food, traveling, and spending time with my (growing) family!