Author
Topic: He ended our first date because he was tired? (Read 14684 times)

I was set up on a blind date by a friend, who had a friend who knew this great guy. So, we went out last night and it seemed like a great set up, I was really surprised with how well we got on. Until he announced he was really sorry but he was tired and had to go home! I really have no idea if he was telling the truth or just trying to get an excuse to leave but I've never heard of a guy saying that before, especially 9pm on a friday night?! Should I just forget about it and write him off or see if he calls in a few days?

My friend had passed on my number etc to him a couple of weeks ago and he'd texted asking if I wanted to meet for a drink sometime. We'd arranged to meet last week but he'd texted me at lunchtime on the day saying he had a bad cold and could we postpone, so we'd rearranged for last night. In the meantime we'd sent a few texts but nothing too much. I don't like getting into that if you don't know if you even click in person.

So, he suggested 7pm, and was already there when I walked in. He seemed pleased with what he saw (looked me up and down and smiled), kissed me on the cheek and offered to get me a drink. I was driving so I asked for lemonade and he had a coffee for himself already.

So, we chatted for nearly two hours and I was feeling like there would definitely be a second date. We had a lot in common, we laughed a lot, he seemed really nice and not a weirdo (!) and there were no awkward silences. I couldn't believe how well it was actually going seeing as it was a blind date. But then just before 9pm he said he was really sorry but he was tired, he'd been up since 5am and really needed to go. I was a bit thrown because it seemed to be going really well, and it was before 9pm on a friday night!

I wasn't sure if he really was that tired or just wanted an excuse so I tried to be cool and just said 'ok, sure, wow, 5am?' and started to gather my bag and coat while he said something about work being crazy, and as I was nearest the door I led the way outside. Once we were on the street he leaned in and kissed me on the cheek and asked where my car was, so I pointed down the street and he said 'ok, sorry I'm so tired, have a nice weekend' and headed to his car. I told him to drive safely and he waved.

I could understand if he was really tired after a long week or something but there was none of the usual 'great to meet you' / 'I'll call you' / 'we should do this again sometime'. Even to be polite if he didn't mean it. Maybe I could have said something to show I'd had more of a good time but I was feeling like he was trying to leave so I didn't want to look keen if I'd got it completely wrong. Argh!

I've been on good dates and bad dates but this seemed to be both in one! Started well and ended with me thinking he was running away.

Do guys really end a date because they're tired? I can't help think if it was true but he was still keen to see me he would have tried to set something else up? If we'd gone for dinner or had a longer evening etc I'd probably text to say thanks and that I had a good time, but I feel doubtful about doing that because of the way it ended.

He really may have been exhausted if he really had been up since 5 o'clock and had also been sick. I'm more concerned, to be honest (as a mother) that he didn't at least walk you to your car! It would have been the polite and safe thing to do.

I'd wait to see if he calls. I would not try to contact him.

Glad it was a great date -- at least for awhile. Sorry it didn't end the way you had hoped.

I was set up on a blind date by a friend, who had a friend who knew this great guy. So, we went out last night and it seemed like a great set up, I was really surprised with how well we got on. Until he announced he was really sorry but he was tired and had to go home! I really have no idea if he was telling the truth or just trying to get an excuse to leave but I've never heard of a guy saying that before, especially 9pm on a friday night?! Should I just forget about it and write him off or see if he calls in a few days?

My friend had passed on my number etc to him a couple of weeks ago and he'd texted asking if I wanted to meet for a drink sometime. We'd arranged to meet last week but he'd texted me at lunchtime on the day saying he had a bad cold and could we postpone, so we'd rearranged for last night. In the meantime we'd sent a few texts but nothing too much. I don't like getting into that if you don't know if you even click in person.

So, he suggested 7pm, and was already there when I walked in. He seemed pleased with what he saw (looked me up and down and smiled), kissed me on the cheek and offered to get me a drink. I was driving so I asked for lemonade and he had a coffee for himself already.

So, we chatted for nearly two hours and I was feeling like there would definitely be a second date. We had a lot in common, we laughed a lot, he seemed really nice and not a weirdo (!) and there were no awkward silences. I couldn't believe how well it was actually going seeing as it was a blind date. But then just before 9pm he said he was really sorry but he was tired, he'd been up since 5am and really needed to go. I was a bit thrown because it seemed to be going really well, and it was before 9pm on a friday night!

I wasn't sure if he really was that tired or just wanted an excuse so I tried to be cool and just said 'ok, sure, wow, 5am?' and started to gather my bag and coat while he said something about work being crazy, and as I was nearest the door I led the way outside. Once we were on the street he leaned in and kissed me on the cheek and asked where my car was, so I pointed down the street and he said 'ok, sorry I'm so tired, have a nice weekend' and headed to his car. I told him to drive safely and he waved.

I could understand if he was really tired after a long week or something but there was none of the usual 'great to meet you' / 'I'll call you' / 'we should do this again sometime'. Even to be polite if he didn't mean it. Maybe I could have said something to show I'd had more of a good time but I was feeling like he was trying to leave so I didn't want to look keen if I'd got it completely wrong. Argh!

I've been on good dates and bad dates but this seemed to be both in one! Started well and ended with me thinking he was running away.

Do guys really end a date because they're tired? I can't help think if it was true but he was still keen to see me he would have tried to set something else up? If we'd gone for dinner or had a longer evening etc I'd probably text to say thanks and that I had a good time, but I feel doubtful about doing that because of the way it ended.

I'd wait and see if he contacts you, but not contact him yourself. Had a similar experience myself, which is long so I won't repeat it - but basically, my mom & sister insisted I should text to show my interest, and I regretted doing it later. It could have been a legitimate reason for calling an end to things, but aside from that, I did not like that he didn't walk you to your car at 9pm at a Friday night.

About the bolded though, I don't think there is anything polite about falsely raising someone's hopes about further contact. It could have been a deliberate omission on his part to signal that he wasn't going to pursue this, or he could've just forgot/been unsure of how he felt. I would think a great deal less of a guy who just popped that out to make the goodbye easier on himself when he had no intention of calling or meeting his date again. Chandler & Joanna anyone?

If my memory serves me correctly, there's a Sex in the City episode on this very situation!

Miranda goes on a date which could go on longer into the night but he ends it by telling her he's tired and that he'll call her. He never does and Miranda talks to her girl pals about it. They agree that he was probably tired and that he'll call her. Aiden, then Carries boyfriend, tells her that it was a lie and that he just told her that because he was 'not into her' and any red-blooded male isn't going to use that they are tired as an excuse. If they like the girl, "they're coming up there, tired or not!" he says (Not helpful to you I know but I'm just re-telling the story....and it proves untrue below.) So the guy never calls and Miranda makes peace with that he just wasn't into her.

So she goes on a date with another guy who ends it by saying "he's tired" and that he will call her. Miranda tells him he need not make an excuse and that it's fine if he's just not into her. She keeps pushing it and the guy eventually says that the truth is he has food poisoning and has 'to go'. He really liked her.

So moral of the story, you never know! There are millions of reasons why a guy might say he's tired (to cover less pleasant valid excuses up) or that he is actually tired. I myself went out on a first date with a guy once who I really really liked and I had a sort-of valid but odd reason to end the date so told him I needed to get up early the next day. He's now been my boyfriend for 5 and a half years!

As other posters have said, the best thing to do is wait for him to call - then you'll know! From what you said, it sounds like you two hit it off and you said he's been ill recently so I would give him the benefit of doubt!

He really may have been exhausted if he really had been up since 5 o'clock and had also been sick. I'm more concerned, to be honest (as a mother) that he didn't at least walk you to your car! It would have been the polite and safe thing to do.

I'd wait to see if he calls. I would not try to contact him.

Glad it was a great date -- at least for awhile. Sorry it didn't end the way you had hoped.

I'm with gramma D on this, I would be accept the tired excuse, but would be very troubled that he didn't walk you to your car.

I would tend to agree with the others. I'd wait and see if he contacts you first. At the very most, I might have texted the very next day and said, "thanks for the date; it was great to meet you." Which I might do with anyone I'd just met and spent time with. But then that's IT...stop there, no more contact unless he asks to get together again.

Mind you, given the abrupt way he ended the date, I think the onus is really on him to make the first "nice to meet you" text.

I'd tend to think that the "tired" sounds like an excuse to leave, especially since there was no mention of getting in touch at a later date. I can't explain how some people will do a 180 like that. I've had guys pursue and act incredibly interested, only to get all aloof and disappear without explanation a week later (never within the same evening though!)I also remember that SATC episode. It does ring true; women tend to make all kinds of excuses for why a guy isn't calling or acting a certain way, and most of the guys I've spoken with will tell you that men aren't that complicated; when they are interested, they will contact you.

Maybe he found your company enjoyable but "just wasn't feeling it" which can happen sometimes.

From a safety standpoint, I am not necessarily troubled by the guy not walking the OP to her car. Depends where it is. I can think of plenty of places in my city where I'd not be the least bit worried about walking to my car. For example a street with a lot of restaurants with people on patios and walking around (and it's getting to be the time of year that people do sit on patios). 9 PM is not that late. But I do think it would have been more polite for him to walk her to her car rather than the "see ya later, car's over there!"

Honestly I would take it to mean he's not into you for whatever reason (could be something random - he's looking for long term & you mentioned living in the city, he wants to raise kids in the country, or maybe you mentioned having a dog & he's no into dating a dog owner, etc). But honestly I think if he as into you he would have walked you to your car or texted you good night or something, even if he was legimately tired.

Chalk it up to good dating practice and move on. There are lots of awesome amazing folks in the world who get along wonderfully for 2 hours but who aren't suited for romance together. That he's left you so perplexed says to me, you two speak different "exectation" languages.

...or he could have just been tired. If your car was within sight, no need to walk you to it (I probably wouldn't have). If he was as tired as I sometimes get, texting wouldn't have crossed his mind right then. Let him contact you and see where it goes from there.