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I am not so open that I would want anyone to see our private messages Ygirl

I am hoping that by our openness that someone will gain some kind of hope, support, encouragement and faith that things can work with a LOT of work.

I know it will bring negativity too. You can't be open and not be open to all of the range of positive and negative. Hence the reason my heart gets hurt sometime when people can't have compersion for me because of their own issues. So be it. I am who I am and will continue to be.

I am not so open that I would want anyone to see our private messages Ygirl

I am hoping that by our openness that someone will gain some kind of hope, support, encouragement and faith that things can work with a LOT of work.

I know it will bring negativity too. You can't be open and not be open to all of the range of positive and negative. Hence the reason my heart gets hurt sometime when people can't have compersion for me because of their own issues. So be it. I am who I am and will continue to be.

I for one find much encouragement and faith that things can work out from the openness between Redpepper and Mono on these boards!

Wow-
I'm glad this one got brought to the forefront. I have the SAME feeling about sex. It's been such a struggle to explain why I just CAN NOT "get there" if I don't FEEL the connection. It seems to be a difficult concept for people.

It's been such a struggle to explain why I just CAN NOT "get there" if I don't FEEL the connection. It seems to be a difficult concept for people.

Funny, I've generally found the opposite. I've often found the conversation go the opposite way. I've often heard people refer to casual sex as a "less evolved" form of sexual expression, or sometimes as a "step along the way to healthy 'real' sexual relationships". There is a lot of tacit judgement in such statements.

I find people often use such things to try to put their relationships on a higher plane than those around them. I'm not saying that this is happening here, I'm just noticing that dynamic come up when I've had similar conversations with others. And it's a conversation that usually tells me that is not a person I'm probably going to connect with- not because of our differing views on sexuality, but because of the general way their views carry such tacit judgement to those around them.

Funny, I've generally found the opposite. I've often found the conversation go the opposite way. I've often heard people refer to casual sex as a "less evolved" form of sexual expression, or sometimes as a "step along the way to healthy 'real' sexual relationships". There is a lot of tacit judgement in such statements.

I agree there is some judgement in that, if they are really saying they think others are less evolved... I know I have seen casual sex as a stepping stone to more evolved sex,,, for me. Except when I forced myself to have casual sex, that was damaging myself.

I hope that when people hear me say how wonderful sex is for me now they can have appreciation for my journey. My journey, my experience and my joy within it. Not see it as my thinking I am better for it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ceoli

I find people often use such things to try to put their relationships on a higher plane than those around them. I'm not saying that this is happening here, I'm just noticing that dynamic come up when I've had similar conversations with others. And it's a conversation that usually tells me that is not a person I'm probably going to connect with- not because of our differing views on sexuality, but because of the general way their views carry such tacit judgement to those around them.

I think perhaps people put themselves on a higher plane because it can be a spiritual experience. People get passionate about their experiences, that has brought them to another level... and want others to understand and be happy for them. They want to find like minds... of course some people are disrespectful that others might not feel like that, or understand that.

Similarly I have conversations with people who prefer casual sex that they see as more fun and and less binding,,, a good way to have good friendships... I totally get that, but that also can be judgemental.

I think perhaps people put themselves on a higher plane because it can be a spiritual experience. People get passionate about their experiences, that has brought them to another level... and want others to understand and be happy for them. They want to find like minds... of course some people are disrespectful that others might not feel like that, or understand that.

Or they may not be comfortable with the fact that people can and do have spiritual experiences within the context of casual sex as well. They may have a vision and definition of what casual sex is and have a hard time seeing that there can indeed be some deep and spiritual forms of sexual expression in what is commonly referred to as casual sex.