'Perhaps the best verified example of the phenomenon also occurred during marriage. ....the British Medical Journal received a letter from Dr Brendan Musgrave, recalling an incident in 1947, from his days as a house doctor at the Royal Isle of Wight County Hospital. "I can distinctly remember the ambulance drawing up and two young people, a honeymoon couple I believe, being carried on a single stretcher into the casualty department," he wrote. This account was corroborated by another doctor who had been on duty at the time.'

A friend of a friend was tupping his lass up against the family front door one night; the girls father suddenly opened the front door, the shock sent her vaginal muscles into spasm and the couple had to be taken to casualty for her to be injected with a suitable muscle relaxant and for him to have an ice-pack judiciously applied. True story.

Like all of these "true stories", it's always a friend of a friend. That's the definition of an urban legend. Hint: I'm taking photos of myself right now in your holiday bungalow with your toothbrush up my a-s.

I recall as a kid seeing a pedigree Collie bitch being firmly attached to a randy old mongrel. The Collie had squirmed out from underneath the mongrel and they were facing in opposite directions - joined firmly at the rear. The crying was awful. The bucket of cold water ploy came into play several times (Administered by a neighbour who knew all about that sort of thing) before the hapless dogs became separated. Then a short while afterwards, the Collie's owner turned up, relieved to get her dog back in one piece. But when she asked if another dog had 'interfered' with her dog - we just made embarrassed noises and vacated the scene.

Paddy, my collie was 'done' by a mongrel in similar circumstances. A few weeks later my mother got me and my sisters out of bed to watch the birth of seven pups. I think it was a kind of sex education "You watched the conception now see the consequences!" As a result I've always had a morbid fear of umbrellas and buckets...

The 'tie' post coitus for dogs is normal, as is the rather alarming and athletic switch to back to back conformation which I have to say does seem to obviate the need for awkward conversation.

Once saw two dogs tied on a walk by a castle. Owner of one was round the other side and kept calling her rottweiler who each time tried to run towards her. Unfortunately the collie attached to its penis and facing the opposite direction acted as something of an anchor, and so each time it would lunge to start onediently running towards its owners cry, it would yelp and look rather inwardly discomfited.

Feeling obligated I intervened resonably swiftly. Well, swiftly-ish.

My intervention was merely verbal information to the owner.

Oh and Rikkor, I think we know why your ass hurts now. And that's a toilet brush, not a toothbrush.