Advocating for Someone in Need

One of our most frequent questions from victims' family members and friends is "how do I help?" The advice among advocates is unanimously the same:

LISTEN. RESPECT. SUPPORT.

LISTEN

If a victim lets you in by telling you some of what is going on in their intimate relationship, here are a few key Do's and Don'ts to follow:

DO

Believe their story

Validate their feelings

Keep their confidence

DON'T

Doubt what happened

Treat them as powerless

Attempt to "rescue" them

Tell co-workers, friends or family members

RESPECT

In addition to the environmental and emotional stressors of everyday living that we all face, victims of domestic violence also deal with verbal abuse (such as being told "you are ugly" or "you don't deserve to live"). These victims may also be in constant pain from broken bones, bruises, headaches or other stresses. They may not realize their own strength, but they are surviving torture on a daily basis. Please remember this during your interactions.

SUPPORT

Here, the old adage "less is more" is particularly true. The less invasive you are, the more apt and able the victim may be to seek help. Do give the victim a card or information for a local domestic violence agency, such as AND, a crisis helpline phone number or a local shelter. You may say something like, "There may be someone there who you might want to speak with."

Once you've provided the victim information, do not follow up, asking whether they called or how the appointment went. Let the victim decided whether to share any additional information about the situation with you.