Clueless Gamer Super Bowl Edition: "For Honor”

CONAN Highlight: Patriots quarterback Tom Brady and Falcons defensive end Dwight Freeney engage in a Super Bowl proxy battle, playing “For Honor” with Conan and some special guests.

Transcript>> CONAN: Hey Conan O'Brien here.
It doesn't get more exciting than this.
I'm in Houston for the third annual Super Bowl clueless gamer.
Away I want to do is go to our incomparable sideline reporter.
On the sidelines, Erin Andrews, can you hear me?
Erin: yeah, I got you.
Conan, thanks.
I'm coming to you live from a ballroom at the Houston double tree hotel where we are moments away from the annual clueless gamer.
Now, I've covered a lot of exciting sporting events and I can say without a doubt this is not one of them.
CONAN: Thank you, Erin.
You're always on the sidelines, places like Green Bay and I can see your breath.
I'm going to have them add that.
Can we do that?
Erin: why would you waste the money?
CONAN: Isn't it better when you see the breath?
We're adding snot too.
Erin, you talk to professional football players all the time.
These are physical specimens, the brightest in the world.
Honestly, how do I like -- look?
Erin: you can even see your nipples.
CONAN: You can buy these now.
I'm going to be honest.
I'm shitting my pants right now.
I'm here with Tom Brady and I'm one of the biggest fans of yours of all time.
Tom: thanks.
CONAN: My first question, I think the question on everyone's lips, does Bill Belichick know you're doing this right now?
Tom: absolutely not.
CONAN: I cannot believe he'd be OK with this.
I think he's going to show up at any minute like an angry dad and start yelling.
Tom: he doesn't yell too much but he'd give me that look.
CONAN: What would that look be?
Tom: just of disgust.
CONAN: Would it be anything like this?
Tom: yeah.
CONAN: There's one area where Belichick doesn't know what he's doing.
I think we should both chip in $ 0 and buy him a new sweatshirt.
Tom: I like his sometime.
He doesn't give a shit.
CONAN: Would you ever go out on the town and wear all five rings on your hand at the same time?
Tom: I don't think I've ever won -- worn one period.
CONAN: What do you do, keep them on a shelf somewhere?
Tom: they're that safe and they just sit there.
CONAN: Then what do you do when you whip it out?
Tom: I don't whip it out.
CONAN: OK.
We're going to take that out of context.
[explosion]
We're both icons in Massachusetts.
We both have risen to the very top of our profession.
Why are you laugh something that's so rude.
That is so rude.
Do you play video games?
Tom: a little bit, yes.
CONAN: This game is called “For Honor."
Are you as competitive playing video games as you are playing football?
Tom: I've broken a lot of remotes in my day and broken a lot of it was.
CONAN: So this could get really intense.
Tom: maybe.
CONAN: Let's get Aaron Bleyaert in here.
Do you mind telling Tom and I a little bit about the game?
>> Sure, how's it going?
CONAN: You don't have to initiate conversation.
Tell us to be game.
>> You guys are going to be going head to head against each other.
The bolt are samurai, the Tom are Valkyrie.
CONAN: You chose Valkyrie.
Tom: do you have a problem with that?
CONAN: I don't have problem with that.
I just saw you with breasts and I got both upset and aroused.
I like it.
I like it a lot
I'm coming towards you, Tom.
I'm chasing Tom Brady, who is not engaging me.
Wait!
No, no.
Tom: get his ass.
Yeah, yeah.
CONAN: Take it easy.
Take it easy.
You have an intensity which I've never seen before.
Focus.
Ah, what!
What did I just do?
Tom: you won.
>> You just knocked Tom Brady off a bridge.
[APPLAUSE]
CONAN: I didn't even know you could just fall.
Are you OK?
Tom: Round 2.
Here we go.
CONAN: You seem angry.
Tom: oh, shit.
There you go.
There you go.
CONAN: Take it easy.
Tom: right in the throat.
Get him.
CONAN: I'm a fan.
Geez.
Tom: in the corner, it's over.
It's over.
CONAN: No, no.
Tom: how many times have I got to hit this guy?
There.
God dang.
You're tough.
You're tough.
CONAN: Thank you, Tom Brady.
How did that feel?
Tom: I won that.
CONAN: We all saw that.
Round three.
This decides it.
You ready, Tom?
Tom: I'm -- yeah.
CONAN: Oh.
No!
Tom: there you go.
CONAN: What the hell happened?
[APPLAUSE]
Tom: what's the problem?
CONAN: What's the problem?
Tom: yeah,.
CONAN: You just ma Ed a fool out of me, Tom.
You know, it really hurts when you do that, by way.
We've been joined from the Atlanta falcons by Dwight Freeney.
Dwight, thanks for being here.
>> No problem.
CONAN: You have up -- sacked Tom Brady four times.
Don't you think you owe him an apology?
>> Absolutely.
No for how many times he's beat us throwing touchdowns.
He’s gotta apologize to me.
CONAN: You tackle him, you knock him to the ground.
If I did that at your workplace -- you'd be upset.
A quick apology, that's all.
>> As long as we both say it at the same time.
On three.
CONAN: One, two, three --
>> I'm sorry.
[Laughter]
>> I'm sorry.
>> Thank you, thank you, thank you, Tom.
Thank you.
CONAN: You're the peacekeeper, Dwight?
>> Yeah, I like to keep the peace.
CONAN: No, you don't.
I've seen you play.
You don't like to keep the peace.
>> Off field.
We're not on the field.
CONAN: He's coming outside.
Nice.
A spin move.
Tom: I've been hit by that spin move so many times.
CONAN: Brady's back.
>> Tired, tired of losing to you.
CONAN: Man, you're working through a lot of stuff, Dwight.
>> No, it's a lot of years.
2003, we --
[Laughter]
CONAN: What's that?
Tom Brady wins.
Tom: he won.
CONAN: He won.
The Patriots won!
All right, Tom --
Tom: should we retire this remote?
CONAN: I -- yes, so cocky.
So cocky.
[APPLAUSE]
CONAN: Gronkowski.
How tall with you?
>> 6'6" 6.
CONAN: What do you weigh?
>> 269.
CONAN: What did you have for breakfast, like a Buick?
>> I got you a present, too, Conan.
This is called an ice shaker.
CONAN: It says Conan right there on it it.
What's the brand name, Gronk?
>> Ice shaker.
CONAN: And how are these available?
>> Ice shaker.com.
It's so easy.
CONAN: Check it out.
I'm 7 years old, Gronk.
That's pretty good.
>> This just in, put it on the ticker.
CONAN: OK, we're doing the kind of television that no one wants to see.
>> Yes, that was a big hairy bush.
CONAN: Tom, you brought some friends with you.
Let's get them in here and make this even more interesting.
>> Three to one.
All day.
[APPLAUSE]
CONAN: I know you're feeling outnumbered so we brought a friend.
Marshawn Lynch, who's going to help you out.
[APPLAUSE]
CONAN: Marshawn, you're losing your pant.
>> They're not going nowhere.
CONAN: OK.
>> I do this at home.
CONAN: No, Marshawn.
Tom: I think you need a Gronk-Marshawn rematch.
>> That's Marshawn's hometown, the raiders.
CONAN: Marshawn, who are you going to be?
>> I was looking for somebody with some melanin.
He might be one of them ones?
>> Yeah he might be.
>> They're probably one of them ones for sure.
>> They had to cover they ass up.
>> Oh!
>> Baby.
Ooh!
>> Whoa!
Whoa!
>> No way.
Man.
CONAN: That was fast.
>> He got his hand.
Ooh!
>> Ow!
>> No!
>> Come on, dog.
>> Hit him with the --
>> Here we go.
Oh!
Oh!
>> Gronk wins!
[APPLAUSE]
CONAN: Guys, this is a pretty big deal.
Tom Brady is about to guilt what might be the most important award of his life.
Ultimate blade most master extreme trophy.
Tom: wow.
Beautiful. I'm going to accept this on behalf of my team back here.
L.T. and Gronk.
CONAN: You more or less got rid of that as quickly as you could.
Dwight, we thought of you too.
You get an I Played Too.
[APPLAUSE]
>> You win, you don't get no trophy.
>> I'm still receiving trophies, even when I'm retired, man.
[Laughter]