Tuesday, September 30, 2003

no, truly it is. sometimes days are just sunny, or nice, or whatever, but when they're really amazing they could be considered sunshine days. either that or i'm just rambling on for no particular reason. yeah, that's probably it.

i thought i felt like writing, but perhaps i was wrong.

well one thing's for sure. i'm even dumb-er than i thought. like, so dumb i'm embarassed to even admit how dumb or why. god help me. how could i have misunderstood tony pierce's review of the white stripes show so thoroughly? well, one reason is that i'm so far out of the new music loop that i can't even see it from here ("loop? where are you? i miss you...") and another reason is that i spread myself so thin sometimes that i only catch about 10% of what goes on in the world around me. so. here we are. dumb and dumber. today, i was loading my mp3 player for my trip to the gym and discovered in my "my music" folder a track labeled "seven nation army--white stripes". and i nearly fell out of my chair as i was bombarded from all sides (frontal, perietal, cerebral...) by revelations. everything was as clear as, well, as a sunshine day. fuck me gently wtih a chainsaw.

ooh! that reminds me--whoever's excited for the new Texas Chainsaw Masacre, raise your hand! well, it's hard to type one-handed so mine's back down, now, but it was up for a second there....for some reason that movie scared the fuck out of me (seriously--i was celibate for a whole day after) even though it was so B-movie. Actually i know the reason, so i'm not sure why i wrote that in such an annoyingly vague manner: the reason it got to me was that it was based on a true story....watching that girl run away to safety, FINALLY, at the end just wrenched my guts. i had really put myself in her shoes and it freaked me out with such an intensity as i haven't felt since Dean Koontz's Intensity. as cornily as that worked out, it's true. that book fuckin shook me to the core.

okay. so anyway. lots to do today. if you see tony, tell him i'm sorry for being the dumbest ass of the dumb asses--or better yet, try to convince him that i'm actually not as devoid of IQ points as i may have seemed....sniff. you know what that experience reminds me of? being a freshman in high school--shy as all get out, glasses, braces (yes, a bit like the girl in my geek story but not as severe) and having a gorgeous, popular senior who sat by me in study hall ask me some inane question and get the dopiest answer possible........sad. pathetic. good thing i grew up and into myself and can talk to boys now. ahem. and i'm only a complete idiot sometimes. that's good enough for me! =) way to set my sights low...

Monday, September 29, 2003

and today is one of those days. I have some gorgeous dinner rolls rising--so melt in your mouth wonderful that they should be considered dessert--and a chicken slow roasting with just the right seasonings....and potatoes boiling for mashing....and the chocolate chip coconut cookies i made last night will go nicely for dessert. mouth watering. Simple pleasures are so sweet.

and the kids are napping.

that could very well be the greatest thing to happen in a week. they don't usually nap anymore. aaaaaaaaahhhhh.

I found an adorable site today called Big Boned Girls. there are several authors, but they all seem ruther cute. (sorry, had to de-link that....upon closer inspection they bugged the crap out of me with their "wid" and "nuffin" and other fake words. fuck fake words.)

And then I found one by the editors of a magazine which is very nice so far....haven't researched the entire magazine side of it yet, but the blog is cool.......did i just say cool? i guess that proves that i'm a huge dork. oh well.

better go get the kids up so they'll sleep tonight.....but first, i added a little more to that story from the other day.

always nice. had some good ones last night. what is it with me and dreams? perhaps it's a testament to how boring my life is....actually it reminds me of Ally McBeal--and her obsessive relationship with her dreamworld. i'm not that bad, but i certainly have the predilection.....oh well. My life is a good boring....=)

well, at least i staved off the ugly beast of winter for a bit longer--by shopping for winter clothes for my kids. I don't know what i believe in most of the time but one thing remains constant, as has my belief in it: Murphy's Law. it's true. i swear by it. buy a bathing suit and it snows (even if it's june). buy winter coats and it's 80 degrees again. fine by me. I fucking hate winter. I hate being cold. I'm sure i'll end up enjoying it--hot chocolate, flannel pajamas, snowmen....okay, it'll be fun. jeeeeeeez. what a pessimist. it's not even october yet and i'm whining about winter.

oh here's another reason UTAH SUCKS BLUE WHALE BALLS: there's a new show on NBC called Coupling and utah's not carrying it. they don't broadcast saturday night live on nbc here either. see, the local affiliate which carries nbc is owned by--I'll give you one guess--the mormon church. fucking bastards. wouldn't want anyone to have to choose not to watch something the church finds offensive, better just make it real easy on them and not even air it. "to hell with those non-mormons (literally) who might want to watch those things; we're doing them a favor." fuckers.

Sunday, September 28, 2003

i had a brain and it functioned properly. If it was still in working order, that would be so nice.

However.

i not only failed to actually link the god of blogging yesterday because i made up my own url for him, but i even misinterpreted his enthusiasm for seven nation army to include white stripes. sigh.

where has my brain power gone? is it off meandering meadows of heather with little bo peep's sheep? Is it hiding in my sock drawer (cuz lord knows i never open that one)? or is it perhaps just hiding around the corner where i could find it if only...if only i had its help? dammmmmmit.

Oh well, what're you gonna do?

well for starters, if you're happy and you know it you could feel free to clap your hands. fuck. why do i BUY such videos for my kids???? not only do they suck hard, but my kids don't even actually watch them. they just insist i play them. then they wander around ignoring the damn thing (cuz they have good taste after all) but won't let me turn it off. once again with the brain power deficiency.

I'm just a bit grouchy today. Mostly because the internet was down all morning and my golfing husband didn't take his phone so i couldn't call him for help fixing it. I know lots of things--like how to turn the server back on when the kids have turned it off, or how to check all the other stuff (bite me) for all the proper blinking lights (double bite me) and i even know how to network our computers together which has nothing to do with the problem but i needed to brag because i was sounding so stupid....but for some reason i couldn't get it working. AND he left the milk out and several cupboards open when he left--and the milkman comes tomorrow* but that was the last of the milk and i'm NOT drinking milk that sat on the counter for 2 hours. gaaaaaawd. why are men so --so--exasperating???? anyway. i had to resort to reading a book. which is my first love, but we haven't been speaking lately, as my mistress the computer has been taking all of my time....why isn't there a better word for a woman's secret lover? anyway. To Kill A Mockingbird is as fabulous as I remembered it. beautiful.

Saturday, September 27, 2003

television is my nemesis. i cannot be creative when it is on. that is why weekends suck. because it's on during the day. i usually have it off, besides one or two kids' shows in the morning. fuckity fuck. hubby's watching spiderman on hbo or whatever. cute little show. but i wish we had those little cordless earphone thingies so he could watch it and i wouldn't have to listen to it. or i wish i could plug the laptop in somewhere else....but since we only have one outlet??? yes, i have issues. i am a creature of habit. i am nearly incapable of changing certain routines. What's up O.C.D? good times.

i had some borderline interesting things to say, but the evil hypnotic box is preventing them from exiting my head via my hands.

gaw-dammit.

i was hoping i could summon the willpower to give my kids a nap so i could work on the story i started yesterday, cuz i'm kind of liking it......poor little geek basket. but i'm not big on willpower. i fucking love typing the word "power" though. if i took a typing test and they only had me type that word, i'd score like a 400 wpm. i swear to gertrude.

i was catching up on tony's site today and discovered a rave review of a White Stripes show. that made me smile. not as much as everything else that literary genius writes, or at least in a different way. it's just that i only hear negativity about them, i worry about my taste in music sometimes and this is one of those times. i love that song. the one getting overplayed ad nauseum. don't even know the name of it. and that's why i downloaded a whole bunch of their songs and now i know that i really like them, not just that one song... anyway, the fact that tony had such good things to say relieves the anxiety i was feeling... so thanks Mr. Pierce. but everything else he writes is like drinking liquid gold. no--liquid diamonds, cuz it's sparkly.....and smooth and wonderful. ahem. i guess i could get off my knees now.

phone call.

kay i'm back. well last minute plans to go to a lil party. we weren't going to go but the host just called to see if we're coming and we caved. one of those "bring your kids of you want/need" parties....blach. we are always in the crowd of "no babysitter? no go!" buuuuuuuut....we're going to give it a shot. might be worth it. trying to have a positive attitude...struggling...dammit, i think i won. i'm so selfish. if i can't thoroughly enjoy myself i want no part of it! i am such a rambling idiot. i better go make dinner and pick out something to wear.......and as we all know, that could take a while.

i just had to take the personality test and since i'm an exhibitionist, i simply must display my results. sorry to be such a dork. it's in my nature. i have been fighting it for years, but without much success.

only i must have answered something wrong because i'm the most indecisive person i know. last night i stood in my closet for close to 15 minutes, without moving, just staring. no, i wasn't conflicted on whether or not to come out of it--you bunch of sarcastic pun lovers. I was going out with a friend and wanted desperately to wear sweats or pj's but knowing that wouldn't be appropriate I was trying to find the next best thing--something comfortable yet fashionable and flattering. in other words, a mission impossible. anyway, the point is I ain't so quick with trivial decisions. oh well. i think the rest of it was pretty accurate.

Friday, September 26, 2003

I really want to write something good today. something interesting and witty and risque. something wild and wonderful. but with "bob the builder" assaulting my eardrums and the tasmanian devils whirling about....ugh. I have no focus lately. No inspiration, no motivation, but mostly no ability to focus. Time to meditate or something. I guess i'll just plunge in with a little writing exercise....see where this takes us......

Once upon a time there was a girl. A girl who loved boys. She dreamed of them when sleeping, but moreso when awake. She was perpetually staring out windows--car windows, bus windows, classroom windows--and when the lights were out, she lay staring at ceilings and always, always she was dreaming of boys. She painstakingly set the scene--imagining each detail of the wardrobe and carefully planning a location...then the meeting, then the kiss......and that was it. The stories all ended there. She was a good girl. An innocent girl. She had yet to kiss her first real live boy, but she knew she would. Maybe when the braces came off, or the glasses were traded for contact lenses....Jane would dare to speak to a boy.

She was self-concious to a frighteningly extreme degree. She was aware of every hair on her arm, every crinkle in her toes--and was mortified by the shape of her nose, the shine of her skin. every breath she took seemed too much to ask of the world around her. She was a cowering puddle of insecurities. As she walked into her 9th grade science class she had no idea that her life was about to change. She wouldn't have believed it if she'd been told the class clown, the boy who talked back to the teacher would change her life. He asked her that day, as the bell sent them to lunch, if she knew Grant. Her stomach lurched, and she responded "Yeah, he's my brother." Half brother, much older, but they shared a last name. It was a rather infamous last name for that small town. There were many Widdecombs, some good and hard working, some elbow-deep in the thick black sludge of drugs and law-breaking. Grant was a wild one. Always the life of the party, always making everyone laugh--and a coke addict....she hurried off to the cafeteria, wondering how this 14 year old knew her 25 year old brother and what that said about either of them.

As the days passed, Jane was relieved that Stephen hadn't spoken to her again after his initial inquiry. He was loud, popular, and worst of all--male. She was terrirfied to talk to any boy, as much as she wished she wasn't...she watched girls flirt with boys and was filled with wonder at the ease, the comfort they seemed to possess. How was this possible? Why was she so different? She wished she could talk to a boy--any boy, even an ugly one to practice. She was lost in these thoughts so deeply that Friday afternoon that when a small wad of paper landed on her desk she was so startled that she nearly fell out of her seat. She immediately blushed a deep crimson, imagining that someone had finally decided to pick on her. She was certainly long over due for some peer torture, by her own self-image at least. She knew herself to be too skinny, too smart, too quiet, too poor--and just plain ugly. She was just regaining her composure when another wad of paper landed, and she spun around to see where it had come from. She blinked and turned back to face the front. She had been met with Stephen's smiling face. Oddly, he did not appear to be laughing at her. She swallowed hard and began frantically taking notes on the lecture she'd been ignoring, telling herself he must have been aiming for Josie--one of the popular, pretty girls--who sat in front of her. Stephen erupted in a coughing fit and threw another wad of paper, which hit her squarely in the back of the head. Her eyes blazing, she turned to face her antagonist. He put his finger to his lips, still smiling and pointed to the door. She calmed a bit, but still had no idea what he wanted. He rolled his eyes at her blank look and jotted a quick note, which he then crumpled and threw at her. She missed catching it and felt the heat rise in her cheeks again. She bent to retrieve it and knocked her notebook off her desk. She was so red she was purple at this point. Her heart pounding, she opened the note. "go to the bathroom" was scrawled across the wrinkled paper. She turned around and looked at Stephen, with an obviously puzzled look on her face. He just nodded at her and looked away. She raised her hand, asked and was given the hall pass with hardly a pause in the lecture. She started down the two flights of stairs leading to the basement bathrooms, slowly, wondering what he wanted. Before she had reached the last level, she heard the loud clattering which was Stephen racing down the stairs toward her.

"Hey, kid. Wanna smoke?" He offered her a rumpled pack of Marlboro Reds. Jane looked around, alarmed--hoping no one had seen or heard.

"I-I...I don't smoke," she looked at him hard, wondering if he had her confused with someone else.

"Yeah, I know. But you should. Maybe it would magically transform you into cool." He winked, and stuffed the soft pack back into his pocket. His eyes were green, although she wouldn't realize this until much later.

"I don't want to be cool." She said "cool" as if it were a disease, and started to back away from him.

"Nah, course not....Grant's little sister, huh?" He shook his head in disbelief. "That guy's crazy! Are you going to his party tonight?" He almost looked nervous as he threw that question out.

"No. I don't really hang out with him. He's old." She blushed, as she pushed onward. "Why do you hang out with him?"

He stepped closer to her, and she retreated again, feeling the locker brush against her back. He shrugged, grabbed her glasses and completely avoided her question.

"Kinda pretty under there...." Her heart pounded and she felt some tingling in some unusual places. She opened her mouth to speak, but the echo of a door closing down the hall startled her into action. She snatched her glasses back from him and headed back up the stairs.

As she rode home that afternoon on the bus, she was staring out the window--as usual--but her daily dream was replaced with recalling the events of the day. She ran every moment of that bizarre conversation through her head, like a film projector...over and over and over. Analyzing it for each wrong move she made, trying to imagine a better response to each of his questions. And that was when she realized he had green eyes. He was cute. She had never noticed before, but somehow receiving attention from him enhanced his features...made him more appealing. She forgot to be proud of herself for speaking to him. She forgot his last comment. Instead she focused on how stupid she sounded, looked, felt. By the time she got home she was near tears and was considering faking illness to avoid school the following day. As she trudged up the stairs, she heard the phone ringing. The only person who ever called was her best friend, Anna, so she answered without thinking.

"Jane? Um, hey. This is Stephen. Um, I was wondering if you could help me with my science homework?" Her alarm turned to shameful realization. All he was interested in was her brains.

"Uh, sure, I guess..." She wanted to say no, but she couldn't.

"That's why I wanted to know if you'd be at Grant's tonight, ya know...so you could help me..." he cleared his throat and hurried on. "but you're not going, so that's cool. Um..."

"I could meet you at the library tomorrow," she offered, hoping he wouldn't suggest coming to her house.

"Yeah! That would be awesome! Is noon good?" She agreed and they hung up. Her heart was pounding. She wasn't sure what to feel, to think. She was disappointed, relieved, nervous.

Thursday, September 25, 2003

well, not really, but i was momentarily unable to think of an original thought....sometimes when a good song is playing it creeps inside and spews out my mouth or fingers or whatever. so, let me give credit to Live before i get any further. i love throwing copper. okay, once again, not literally. the album.

so in case there was any doubt, i should report that i have the world's greatest husband. he swooped in and tivo'ed me just in time for premier week. cuz see, here's the thing. if you have kids you'll understand--you can't watch tv while children are awake, at least not 3 year olds. and who has the will to find blank video tapes and set the damn thing and hope it doesn't fuck up? so i end up missing the sparse, few shows i find entertaining. not anymore. and football has once again entered the realm of "watchable". aaaaaaaaahhhh. time to go see how it all works.......

Wednesday, September 24, 2003

It was the summer after my freshman year of college (Brigham Young University) and I was home. My boyfriend and I had driven to the U of Maine campus at Orono to visit one of his friends...this friend was living with a girl and I just remember how deeply that struck a chord with me. I was very innocent of the ways of the world at that point....but i was learning. I was enchanted by the image of them, their small apartment, the coolness that emanated from them--the relaxed and grown-up way they seemed to be living. I wanted that. a tiny bolt of lightening surged through me as I wildly wished to accompany the boyfriend back to his college in upstate new york and recreate that scene with him. to ditch byu and live in sin with my rebound boy. the one i was convincing to fall hopelessly in love with me for no other reason than my selfish need to be loved and my desperate desire to be healed of my own heartbreak (unsuccessful). What a strange summer that was. what strange choices i made. teaching sunday school at church and arriving straight from my boyfriend's house after losing my virginity--feeling so intensely hypocritical that I wanted to cry but couldn't stop smiling.......feeling elated that i had finally made a choice on my own. and that it wasn't the way they always said it would be. And sex. great fun...Too scared to look at "it", so that after returning to byu and rather devoutly to celibacy (why???) for the following 2 years, then slowly making a re-entrance into the beautiful world of freedom and happiness of sex, i was vastly under-experienced for a non-virgin. but with the verbal coaching from B. and the enthusiastic hands on training of S....well, I was up to par in no time....that cute boy. I watched him walk past my living room window every day of that school year, not knowing his name.......but every time he passed I'd say to whichever roommate was present, "I'm going to marry that man." which was the mormon equivalent of, "I want to fuck him inside out and upside down!" Soo....I guess I was right. heh. god he was great. every time i'd go over to watch a movie it'd turn into a porn...nothing better than fucking in a byu apartment for a rush of danger--especially when half of his roommates were goody-two-shoes....danger!! woo! fear of getting caught....the passion, the urgency. he had been his high school quaterback.....big, hot--but with that streak of boyishness that just made me want to gobble him up. and he loved pearl jam. and primus--i remember his non-goody-two-shoes roommates blasting "my name is mud" and they were all just flying around the place.....and he loved cats. Sadly he ended up bowing to the pressure from family and peers and going back to the heart of that oppressive religion and going on a mission. it required a year of celibacy for him to prepare and i set him back a couple of times, but finally i went home for the summer, and when i came back he was serious enough about the church thing that i left him alone.

although the moral of the original story is that i have always been easily seduced by images. i am drawn to appearances, i am lured by false promises offered in the very surface of a scene. This is one of the hazards of a tv-rich society, i believe.

Tuesday, September 23, 2003

foreign language blogs with english titles. fuck that. i see a cool title in the recently published list, so i click it and when i'm met with a language other than french or english....well, the disappointment i feel at not being able to read the blog is deep. it's like a knife that cuts both ways, truly. here's the latest site to lure me in with a pretty name: nightswimming. i used to love that REM song. shut up. it was the 90's.

don't you hate hearing that? some people are so dramatic. they say that and i get all worried and excited and it's ends up being about something so inconsequential that neither the good nor the bad could even be close to fitting in the news category. but whatever. I had a point, I think....oh yeah. the good news is: excedrin really kicked that headache's ass, but the bad news is it sure doesn't promote sleep. little bastards left me so wide awake and restless that i almost resorted to coming downstairs and blogging, but instead i created a marvelous little novella in my head in a fruitless attempt to lull myself to sleep.....of course, i can't remember any of it. and it was not so much marvelous as mildly entertaining, anyway. it's almost November though!!! don't forget to sign up for National Novel Writing Month!!!

so. I have something on my mind, something I should probably find a better avenue of communication for than this little page, but we all know I'm waaaaaaay too lazy for that, so here it is. I would like to extend my gratitude to Adam Sandler for sharing the phrase "Jeezum Crow" with the world in the movie Mr. Deeds. I know it sounds like a small thing. I know it sounds like a strange and ugly phrase to many of you. but it is a beautiful moment when one's new england heritage is brought to the front of the mind at an unlikely moment. so if anyone sees Mr. Sandler, give him five for me.

I'm hungry.

had a great workout, though. love the new mp3 player. damn i'm hot. no really--it's like 80 degrees today.

Monday, September 22, 2003

a matched set of cookie monsters is what i have. the cookies are probably so good they're worth all the crying, but still. when i say two cookies, that's what i mean, god damn it.

you know.....it's nice to be grown up, sometimes. like, when you want more than 2 cookies. or when you want to stay up all night. or when you have to do all the dishes and laundry and....wait, no. wrong list. i guess i couldn't think of very many things that are nice about being an adult. fuckin sucks sometimes, frankly.

got bit by the evil cold/flu pixie. so far just a headache and a scratchy throat--which makes my head hurt every time i cough...and achy all over. lame. being sick is stupid. being sick is for the weak. i am not sick. i am not sick. i am not sick.

yes, the weekend was grand. beautiful weather, good times. a bit of fall foliage, north of here made for a nice scenic drive. practiced my golf swing....started doing rather well--almost ready to hit the course!! I'm kind of excited for that, frighteningly enough. OOOHHH!! AND my anniversary present was a new and improved mp3 player. I loved the one i had, but it needed more memory and an armband--not to mention i dropped it once and the battery compartment's cover got broken so i've been using tape to keep the battery in....so trashy! my new one is perfect. until next year when i decide i need to upgrade again...=) so if anyone has any really fast paced rock songs to recommend, i'd appreciate it. i need some fresh tunes.

what else? um, we enjoyed the pool and hot tub at the hotel, we ate lots of yummy food....I guess i won't go into detail about the movies we bought....or the movies we made....but I could tell you all about the trip to fred meyer for batteries and 8mm tapes which turned up some peanut free "soynut butter" for my peanut allergic son. hey--that was really exciting for me, shut up.

so it's premier week. and i'm actually kind of excited--maybe because there's a chill in the air and i'm permanently exhausted lately. I'm full of joyful anticipation for a few select shows, but i'm sure i won't end up actually watching any of them since i seem to be allergic to tv lately. and that's okay by me. just weird.

Friday, September 19, 2003

Well, today I proved my theory wrong about working out after a night of crappy sleep. I thought it would suck. but it didn't. it woke me right the bloody hell up....after about a mile of painstaking jogging....at a slower than usual pace...but hey--better than laying on the couch, right? and now i feel like a million bucks. well, 50 and change, at least....

just bought the GREATEST little jacket. i think i'm going to seriously have to find a way to make sweet love to this jacket. it fills my soul with the song of a thousand nightengales..........

okay, kids are napping, time to go shower. anyone want to join me? i'm serious, I just installed a shower cam. what?

okay, so i tried to download a picture of a chastity belt, but it turns out that's actually a rather popular sexual fetish--who knew? oh well. that one was way more fun. looks like my newly forming church has a nemisis....=)

okay (did you notice i started the last three rather short paragraphs in a row with "okay"? i bet you did. yer kinda bright that way). anyway. where the fluck was i? hmmm. nope, it's gone. right out the window. i bet it was something really important, too. or at least interesting. or mildly amusing. okay, i'm not SURE it was any of those things, but i imagine it was probably better than THIS.

well, i hope you all have fabulous weekends and i am already looking forward to monday when i can tell you all about the hilarious hijinks and, most likely, kinky stuff that happens on my weekend getaway. neener neener.

Well, my friend came and went. We had a lovely evening then she hauled me out of bed at 6 a.m. to say goodbye and I didn't even mind. Not much to report...she recommended some good books, gave me lots of good advice.

HOWEVER. The husband is so tricky!! He had me convinced that we were not going to go anywhere overnight for our late anniversary celebration, which was fine. But last night he said, "Be packed and ready to go by 6 tomorrow night." And we're not coming back until Sunday night. yaaaaaaaaaaay!!! He won't tell me where we're going. He is insisting that he doesn't know yet, but when i suggested calling around today to make a reservation somewhere he wouldn't let me do that either. so, i'll let you know. The best part is that i already cleaned the house and did all the laundry and got the guestroom ready (it had become our junk room....so it needed major gutting). so all i have to do is change the sheets and put fresh towels in the guest bath. EASY. cuz frankly, it took me aaaaaaaaaaaallll day yesterday to get everything done. and that would take some of the fun out of looking forward to the weekend off.

Wednesday, September 17, 2003

I know, i know. I keep promising to update my sidebar, but who has the time for all those extra keystrokes??? actually, that reminds me. i did this little typing test thing at my friend's house last night and I ended up around 70 wpm. pshaw. I started at 90, but then they were making fun of me and making me all nervous and i kept making little typos. dammit. oh well. i was actually under the impression that i type really slowly, so now i feel better. i guess that means i'm just a slow thinker......well, something's got to be responsible for my lengthy post times........whatev.

So, I almost think someone i know has linked this site before and i never read it, but oh well. It was in my favorite place to discover new blogs--which is the fresh blogs list. it's my compulsion: when i sign out I always scan that list for interesting names, and if i see one (yes, "if" not "when") then i read it and if it grabs me for whatever illogical reason, then i stick it on my favorites so i can link it later. cuz, like i said--who has time for such things??? (that's me, pretending to be all super important and busy.)

Okay, so the first one grabbed me because the title was a bit like mine: bored at work and it turns out she's just a dewey eyed new blogger and i think we all ought to welcome her with some muffins and balloons....or at least go check out her site.

And then later I noticed one called The Church of AAAArrggghhhh and it is some imaginative, fantastically delicious piratey writing. There are only a few posts, but they are long-ish and highly amusing. LOVE IT.

Not only should I be awarded barber of the year award for a couple of perfect little haircuts, but I FINALLY made it to the gym. I"m not going to tell you how long it's been, what with one sickness or another, but it's been too damn long. AND I made a picture perfect, melt in your mouth apple pie last night. Good balance, don't you think? heh.

I love this weather. Makes me wish I was home (ha--doesn't everything?) for the hurricane. I know, i'm crazy. it's just that Maine is so far north that it doesn't usually get as much of the brutal winds, but it's really intense and sort of panicky-in-a-good-way. I know, I'm silly. Once, when I was working my high school job, there was a hurricane and they evacuated within a 1/2 mile of the coast. Did our restaurant close? No. Were we less than a city block from the crashing waves? yuh. was it FUCKING AWESOME???????? waaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, yeah! Some poor drenched sailboat travellers came up and sat drinking coffee, watching out the windows as the winds and waves beat the shit out of their pretty little boats. that was sad, actually. but what a bond......anyway, that's how new englanders are--tough. you don't close the damn restaurant just for a hurricane. please. in fact, life doesn't stop for much there. they used to call my dad Hurricane Bob because he would go out to haul lobster traps in near hurricane conditions, and all through the winter he would use those traps to catch crabs--instead of sitting inside drinking away the summer's earnings. and let me tell you--winter on the coast of Maine--(hold on, have to go get my down jacket just to talk about it...) only a pretty picture. not something you'd want to experience 3-D, if you catch my snow drift....anywho. It's supposed to be a long cold winter here this year, so I better start remembering my roots. and buy some gloves. and boots. and a hat. dammit. I hate shopping. (tee hee)

I've been listening to lots of vintage pearl jam lately. the good albums. so, here's the quote of the day:

"Can't buy what i want because it's free, can't be what you want because i'm--" Cordury, Vitalogy Pearl Jam 1994

I loved them so much back when i had time for such things........ah, who am i kidding? i just got too lazy to be a good fan anymore. fuggit. pass me some pie. (and yes, thank you, i would love some punch with that...)

and time to wrassle the little 'uns down for a shearing...shaggy little beasts....wish me luck!!!!!!

My childhood best friend is heading south for the winter, like a good little ducky, and she'll be passing straight through my town tomorrow! yeee haaaaaaaaaaaaw! I'm soooooooooooooooooo excited. (every time i write that since reading on someone's site that they promise their readers they will never spell "so" with more than one "o" I feel silly. sadly, i don't even remember the site. why do i wish to please others in such an all-consuming fashion??? god.) Anyway, she is amazing and wonderful and we don't see each other very often anymore. We were neighbors--in that rural Maine fashion, of living on the same street about 1/10 mile apart--hey that was close! She had the most gorgeous backyard with a big old pond for winter skating and summer canoeing and there was an enormous field just behind their property line where we lived out all our little girls riding horses daydreams. we must have run miles and miles everyday back then. what a life. what a happy, sweet, pure life. i cannot say enough about how insanely beautiful my childhood was. not perfect. non-existent relationship with father, "perfect" sister, etc, so plenty of room for issues to blossom and grow, but certainly better than many possible childhoods. In fact, my biggest fear was that this friend of mine would move away. we were like twins--siamese twins. we both had blondish naturally curly hair and were stick skinny, so people often confused us. She has the same name as my sister, so i still answer to that name as readily as my own, from being called by it so often. the weirdest thing about that was when i was in college and on two separate occassions people who had just met me called me by that name. i swear it was just still lingering in my aura or something......anyway. One of my most vivid memories was when we were 9 or 10, sitting in the backseat of her dad's olive green Maverick while he ran in to the bank and we were singing "the pink dink group, we're the pink dink group" at the top of our lungs. ahhhh. good times. the hours and hours and hours of barbies...all the crushes on all those boys--usually in pairs, so we could potentially double date....then there was the summer after our sophomore year of college when we were sitting at the cabin on the lake and she was shouting "oral sex" and "masturbation" to our other friend and I, when the owners of the cabin appeared out of nowhere (the other friend's aunt & unlce). even better times. she was certainly responsible for my earliest sex ed knowledge--due to the fact that she had very open, cool hippie parents and mine were much older and reserved....nothing, but nothing beats that bond of friendship between women. and i'll maintain that it's the women i've known since girlhood who will never be lost to me. they're so deeply a part of me that i would not be me without them. damn them--they really fucked me up! har. anyway. enough of memory lane. I'm really excited to see her though. ooh--and i just remembered i'm supposed to pass along a message from someone at the class reunion. hmm. forgot about that. jumping out of my skin excited!!

Monday, September 15, 2003

Well, are you one of those people who take pain pills recreationally? you may then ask.

No, no. Not I.

In fact, I filled my prescription for unithroid which regulates my thyroid. I got home, popped one, put the bottle away and started making dinner. While I waited for the meat to thaw, I decided to be amitious and fill my weekly pill holder thingy. As i poured the pills into my palm I noticed....hmm...they're a bit whiter, a bit larger....wonder if doc changed my dosage already....looked at the bottle...WHAT THE FUCK?????? HOLY LORD!!!!!!!! The first thing i noticed was the doctor's name. not my doctor. scanned the patient name--most assuredly NOT my name. eyes darted feverishly to the drug name--not my drug. I dialed the pharmacist, heart racing. as it rang, i read the instructions, and relaxed a bit--"take once ecvery blah blah hours for severe pain." phew, well at least i hadn't just unintentionally enlarged my penis, or stopped myself from having a stroke, or god knows what else. so i'm thinking, emotional distress lawsuit, perhaps? that was fucking freaky, man. I'm feeling very comfortable....soft around the edges....and my mouth is getting dry...and i was giong to bake an apple pie tonight. dammmit. i could sue them just for messing THAT up, i tell you what.

back off--i know that's about as much of a newsflash as the Affleck-Lopez breakup, but it's closer to home this time. much closer. I was just telling my husband that "all the cool bloggers live in L.A...." (in that tone of voice that a teenage girl uses on her mother to weasel permission). and i was right. There was a mini bloggers convention over the weekend and I'll admit I felt a twinge of jealousy, reading about it. I would love to meet some of the faceless names someday, even though Kevynn's right--there could very well be some weirdos out there. me, for example. I pretend to be a sweet little swearing housewife with a chip on her shoulder about utah, when in fact, i'm a machine gun-toting fanatical christian with a beer belly, a waist length beard, and a penis. dammit. i just blew my cover. Oh yeah, and I wasn't at all surprised when she said he was dreamier in person. I believe you really can tell a bit about a person's general state of attractiveness by the way they write...again, let's take me for an example. It's obvious that I'm not a long haired, bearded male. and i would really post a picture if A. i had a decent recent one (yay for rhyming!) and B. I would ever remember to ask my husband to set up a website for me to link to. since blogger isn't adding new pro accounts that's not really an option for now. cock suckers.

I am almost not retarded with the whole instant messaging forum anymore, FYI. although i keep forgetting that i can't check my yahoo email without being automatically logged out of the IM thing. and it's annoying.

but not as annoying as barney. or having barney songs stuck in my head. I know, i know. don't even comment on it, okay? i don't want to hear it. i am well aware that it is my own fault for ever allowing such filth into my home. I feel no need to defened my choice. seriously--save it. i don't want to hear it.

remind me to update my stupid sidebar, would you? my brain is so full of holes, you'd think i'd been doing ecstasy or something. (for the record, definitely NOT).

Sunday, September 14, 2003

It's been one of those just plain great weekends. you know? We drove up to Squaw Peak yesterday, which is a lookout point with a view of the whole Utah Lake/Utah valley as well as Mt. Timpanoogas. We hiked around on the trails up there for a while and all the boys LOVED it---woo hoo!! I could probably even attempt some hikes without another adult present........what's that i see? a light? at the end of the tunnel? yeah, baby. I hate not being independent, but having two babies at once sort of put a damper on that. sucked. anyway, it was really nice.

Who wants to hear more about my ever-trashier neighbors? someone spray painted "M---- is a fucking bitch" on their garage door in huge letters, referring to the 15 year old daughter...nice. I mean, I'm not saying she's not one, but still. I hope they get caught and have charges pressed. I seriously am old, because i worry about having someone like her as a neighbor. this is such a quiet little stepford-esque neighborhood, it's almost worth it just for the added touch of life they give the place, you know? I finally read The Stepford Wives, by the way. Because i was sick of only being vaguely familiar with the reference. It was good. And in the movie, Julie Kavnar plays the lead wife. It was sweet. she was much younger, uh--duh...the movie was made in the 70's or maybe early 80's i think, so i guess we were all younger. you dumbass, lisa. anyway, i didn't know she was in it, but i heard that voice--Marge! I cried, Marge! It was funny. Uh, anyway. For those of you who may not be familiar it's about a small town in connecticut--stepford, to be exact--where every wife stays home and seems perfectly content, nay--thrilled--to be doing laundry and cooking while looking perfect all the time....turns out they are being controlled by a radio tower thingy. it's awesome. i want to do that to byu campus...only i'll make them all be nymphos. fuck yeah.

Saturday, September 13, 2003

So we checked out tickets to the aerosmith-Kiss show this morning, when they went on sale. Not good. We decided they're not worth 250 bucks to us. even though one of them could very reasonably keel over at any moment, ending forever our chance to see them perform live, as whole bands....they're so damn old. s'okay. they're playing the Delta Center (which is where the Utah Jazz play) and i hate that arena. passionately. desperately. with a ferocity to match the hate i feel for Utah itself, give or take a few watts. So, it's probably for the best. I wish it was just Aerosmith and I wish they were playing our new outdoor arena that I am so in love with this summer. Oh well. I was never much of a Kiss fan. They were enough before my time that I somehow missed that craze....I know, I know. Led Zep was a wee bit before my time too. That's different.

Okay. Time to go make the most of a beautiful Saturday. I'm sure i'll be back soon.

Friday, September 12, 2003

The weather was gorgeous today but they say it's supposed to be cold tomorrow.

wow.

I think we may have hit that awkward phase in our relationship.

You know the one.

where we've run out of interesting things to say.

And all I can think of is how you should really cut your nose hairs, or at least shower.

But I'm too ambivalent to even open my mouth to let the words fall off my tongue.

I'm tired of you. And your annoying habits which I found so endearing those first 12 minutes.

Tired of the stained orange Formica countertops.

Tired of the sickly smell of smoke in the house, and dog hair everywhere.

Most of all, I'm glad I went off on this creative tangent because now I actually feel like writing a decent post.

Phew.

Crisis averted.

Okay, so it's mostly the fact that my kids wandered upstairs which has opened the doors to my blogger alter-ego, but still. A little drama never hurt anyone.

This weather makes me want to sing and shout and jump and run and well, actually, nap. Or maybe it's just my blog making me want to nap...

Sometimes in life we are faced with decisions. Decisions which take lots of energy and mental fortitude and inner searching. This is not one of those times, for me. It's more a decision between sticking with my 10 year favorite as a pizza topping (pineapple) or branching out...trying something new. I know, I know. It's tough. I've given it almost a full minute of thought. I first discovered the beauty of pineapple sans canadian bacon as a freshman in college....sigh. one of new friends was ecstatic that we would "let" her order pineapple and pepperoni, as her bitchy friends back in POCATELLO FUCKING IDAHO wouldn't agree to such a topping. (damn mormons) So, we tried it. and I fell in love (dozens of times that year, actually, but the longest relationship by about ten years is the pizza topping). So, after a few months I decided to drop the pepperoni (in a feeble attempt to lose the freshman 15 I had blindly stumbled into like a skier in a whiteout). And voila. There you have it folks. The only topping I've ordered on a pizza since 1994.

wow, that'll sure teach me to assume i'm all dried up. an endless well of dribble, that's what we've got here, folks. an infinite supply of rambling. it's a comfortable, secure feeling, isn't it? Like Mcdonald's--it might not be good, but you know exactly what you're going to get. (well, apart from the screwed up orders and "mcnugget" ambiguity...)

I am soooooooo excited about David Letterman's news. I love that man. He's a nutty one, but he'll be a great father.

I don't mean to dwell on the entertainment news today, but really. I can't believe John Ritter passed away. That was sudden. He's young. Maybe the Fonz killed him so he could take over his lame sitcom. And Johnny Cash--probably a greater loss, but less of a shock. An American Icon, surely. I had a boyfriend who was rather obsessed with mr. cash so i know a few songs.

Thursday, September 11, 2003

Today was a stupid waste of air. I fucked around all morning and didn't get to the gym until 2--which is 3 hours later than i intended, and smack at the beginning of naptime. and one of the reasons i was later than usual was that i had to hurry and wash the one pair of pants my kids have that still fit them because it was suddenly very cold yesterday and forecasted the same for today. did i bother to step outside and check? what do you think? of course not. cuz i'm stupid. sooooooooo, i waited around for the laundry to finish so we could go, then we got outside and it was too warm. i couldn't stand the thought of taking off their pants after all that trouble so i just put them in short sleeves. but dammit. i hate wasting energy on uncessary things.

And i just logged in to my instant messenger thingy and sent a message to the old friend i mentioned earlier, even though his little smiley face said "i am currently away from the computer", cuz i had reached the limit of my patience. i told you it was short...so, about 30 seconds later yahoo kicked me off saying i had logged in somewhere else. WTF??? (That means "what the fuck"). so of course, now i'm worrying about whether or not he received the message. could somebody pleeeeeeeeease share some valium with me????????

It's a beautiful day outside and i have lots of fun plans for the day so i should be excited. I am not--so far.

So my jerk-off best friend who desserted me by taking a year off her phD program to stay in Maine called yesterday. gaaaaaaaaaawd i miss her!! (not to worry becks, you've been filling the vacancy so well i'd sort of forgotten i missed her until she called!!). She had lots of funny stories--her family is more fucked up than most and that is always great amusement. anyway, it was nice. She called me from the breakwater--which is a one mile long wall across the ocean, sheltering the harbor and with a lighthouse on the end...hope i described that well. anyway, it's our favorite place to walk and talk so of course that made me more homesick than just her call. oh well. i'm okay with a little homesickness.

So as an email and internet addict, i was rather late to the party in the using instant messanger department. however, now that i'm there, i'm hooked. problem is, most of my friends are either A. people i talk to on the phone regularly so what's the point of im? or B. not, uh, living as free and (boring) easy a lifestyle as I am. So, i flipped through my Outlook address book and was reminded of an old friend with whom i reconnected last year who wanted to IM so I got it all set up, but never used it. Now that i see how it works...(yes i'm that stupid) I wish we would have used it. So, I sent an invitation yesterday and am now patiently awaiting a chat. Yes, i said it. PATIENTLY. what?? I AM capable of patience. Oddly enough, I"m feeling patient at this point. I'm sure it'll pass as soon as i have breakfast or something, and be replaced with that gnawing, incessant need for the object of my desire to occur immediately. Cuz that's who I am.

Also, if anyone out there wants to IM me, you should. I would giggle with glee. Or at least talk to you. And that's it right there--the reason I never wanted to use instant messaging!! Wow. I'd forgotten how completely childishly stupid it sounds to my ears to say "IM me". i don't know why, but it sounds very high-school. very "daddy bought me a new beamer, but i don't like the color". and no, i don't know of any qualified therapists who could do anything for me. so keep it to yourself. My Yahoo ID is boredhousewife95. and maybe i'll get really fancy and put a link on my sidebar for it. i should actually have some time today during naptime to work on this uninterupted.

I'm glad the first show kicked ass, because tonight's was seriously lacking. Pink Floyd, Dark Side of the Moon with cool visual effects at the planetarium. Could have been mindblowing. Wasn't. You know it's bad when I was coming up with things they could have done differently. The first show we saw (a couple of months ago) was perfect. The visuals reflected the audio, the visuals kept time with the audio....this one, was just off. There were a couple of times when it went black for several seconds longer than was comfortable, too--seemed more like glitches than on-purpose...oh well.

On the upside...we went to one of those Brazilian all you can eat meat places. very tasty. Husband seems grouchy now. Too tired....

so those of you in blospot land--how bout these great new features, eh? we got spell check, save draft and the ability to change the time and date!! woo hoo! that last one is perfect for what ii'm using the drawing board for. see, i really just wanted a place i could link to, but i can only figure out how to link to an archive page which means weekly...soooo, with that feature, i can put stuff i want to post there at weekly intervals and link it just fine. if that made any sense to you--god have mercy on your soul.

well that god damn deadline i was all in a tizzy to meet got pushed back by a week. glad i sweated over it.

Wednesday, September 10, 2003

Yes, I know I should be listening to floyd to get in the mood. And I will. But for now, it's me and my fab four. How sad is it when your voice is so deep (and of such a small range) that you can't sing along with the beatles???? sad. okay, so i can do some songs, but i sound much much better accompanied by Robert Plant or Roger Waters....sad.

I just read some great stuff, at Blue Hysteria. Fantastic writing. Once again, inspiring me to do more actual creative writing. but who has time to plan for something like that???? ack. apparently some people make it a little more of a priority.

Tuesday, September 09, 2003

I have GOT to stop leaving the tv on pbs when i turn it off. Cuz, then when the kids turn it back on for no particular reason (and no, they're not watching it, they just like to bug me) i wouldn't have to hear shit like: But when do i get John Adams--husband and father--back? It's stories of the birth of our nation, apparently, but with modern day whining. sweet. women back then didn't say shit like that. they were doormats. end of story.

But that's just no fun. OKay, actually, it is kind of fun. However, I'm addicted to this sweet little page so here I sit.

I would like to thank Boz for initiating Naked Blogging night, as it was a family favorite around here. I would also like to heartily thank both Boz and BeefJerkyGood for adding me to their respective sidebars... I'm betting they both expect I'll start posting naked pictures soon and want to get in on the ground floor...(and have some love in the elevator?)....but they'd lose that bet, ma fren'. Well, maybe. Anyway, one of these days I'll get around to rearranging my sidebar as it is in desperate need of fresh meat.

So how'd you like that fairy tale ending to "For Sex or Crack" last night? I give em a week.

Tomorrow night we're going to the new planetarium to see another tripped out 3-D show. This time it's all Pink Floyd. I sooooooooo cannot wait. If I knew anyone who still kept the p-o-t around, I'd probably try to dip into that. On second thought, no I wouldn't. the thought of feeling all goofy walking around looking sophisticated just doesn't sit right. I do get to wear some of my fabulous new clothes from last week's shopping spree, though. And that is the best part of all. I can't wait to see these friends, either. Ahem. I seem to be giving away my secret. OKay--fine! I have not been left entirely friendless. it's just that all of my closest friends moved away. the people i love the most. damn them to everlasting hellfire with a glass of water just out of reach. But on the upside, Friends premieres in 2 weeks. And i have a new friend who is TOTALLY going to hook me up with some South Park episodes, I just know it. I can feel it. Nay, I can smell it on the air like the highly unpleasant odor of a paper mill. Which, by the way, we have several of in Maine--land o' trees. And for those of you who have never smelled a paper mill--don't. If anyone says, "hey, joe, i'm glad your head cold is gone, let's go on a tour of that paper mill." make something up. lie. fake an illness, a death in the family--hell, instigate a death in the family for all I care, just don't go. Unless your head cold returns--and you're stupid. (also that last sentence is a great example of your/you're--the proper use of each).

and god, would somebody kill that puppy? i can hear a puppy yipping incesantly somewhere nearby. maybe it's not a puppy. maybe it's my subconcious reminding me that i'm supposed to be working...and if i'm working i'll have headphones on and not hear the little git. So i guess, either way--I better get to work. Project's due tomorrow. it's only 7 hours of work, but i've had 2 weeks to do it. don't even start with me. I know bloody well i'm a procrastinator.

There's a storm brewing outside my window. The wind is whistling through the garage. But all I feel like doing is lying on the couch with a book. not much of a badass today, are you? nope. not today. It's a good day for slippers and a i fucking hate my mouse. i was just typing along, halfway down the page and bam--i erased half of that sentence. well, one word. but still. slippers and a sweatshirt, dammit. that's what it said. and also, my AC is still running. so maybe a smarter/less lazy person would turn off the air and take off the sweatshirt. but that wuold be too complicated. besides, i have no shirt under the sweatshirt and that means i'd have to go find one. again--lazy. fucking lazy. but not lazy when fucking.

I had the weirdest fucking dream about Arnold Schwarzenager last night. and an airplane and the end of the world. It was intense. He was holding me hostage on the airplane and I liked it!! (which is weird cuz i actually don't find him attractive) And then I was on the freeway, here, and the sky was all dark, even though it was the middle of the day and everyone was panicking and trying to get away from some impending doom. it was pretty overwhelming. I wasn't scared, though. That's all I can really remember, but it was crazy. Oh yeah, and there were 3 or 4 tornados approaching.

Someone linked a vintage clothing site and I forgot to bookmark it, so if i can find it again i'm going to go check it out more thoroughly. I think I can find it. I also found two potentially interesting sites last night, so I might come back and post links in a few minutes.

god i love jimi hendrix. some pbs show has the opening to Hey Joe playing right now...mmm, i think that's weird when shows do that. it's like, sure that part might sound good--oh, now they're playing stand next to your fire, which makes a little sense for the show, but my original point was, like...do they think no one will know what the song is so they don't have to worry about what the lyrics are going to say? like, they don't play the lyrics just some instrumentals, but if you know the song well, you associate the lyrics with all parts of the song. i mean...hey joe is about killing his woman's lover. that's a great song for a youth-aimed pbs show. am i making ANY sense, whatsoever? Or should i seriously just go back to bed and start over. great. they just played "it's getting hot in here" which they fortunately cut off before the "so take off all your clothes" part....apparently they aren't worried about sending the wrong messages. only me. i'm the only one worried. and i'm actually not even worried. it just reminded me of when they do that and how i think it's silly sometimes.

Like I said. This is a lame ass post. maybe i'll put that on as the title. or maybe i'll just delete it in a few minutes. god i hate my mouse. (I did delete the boring shit. why do i bother getting out of bed? i mean honestly.)

Sunday, September 07, 2003

I'm going to make an effort to start capitalizing the "I"s and the beginnings of sentences. an effort. Oops. There I go, slipping up already. See, that's what i was talking about when i said Microsoft ruined me. Sweet, dear little Word made me lazy lazy lazy. And annoyed. I couldn't have written "lazy lazy lazy" without those blood curdling little red squiggles. that used to piss me off so. I guess there is good and bad to everything. I love getting all deep about completely inane things. I want to find a good on-line dictionary so i can keep on my toes.

Anyway. Today was absolutely gorgeous outside. I spent it well. In Wally world and at the computer. Good work.

Now we're watching The Recruit. As you may recall (i'm kidding--i hope you don't recall the details of my pathetically boring life) I saw that on the plane, on my way to Maine...in the rain? That's just profane. I'm going to hit myself with a cane. then call my friend jane.

Okay, I think I'll go post a few things on my lame-o list, I'll put it on The Drawing Board (follow the link at right. i'm too lazy to relink it here). Get ready for the thrill of a lifetime. Or severe boredom. MOst likely the latter.

Saturday, September 06, 2003

and how wretched my spelling has become. it's all bill gates' fault. (as is pretty much all things wrong with life--just kidding. without windows i couldn't function) but seriously. i am watching 2 extra kids and i'm still popping on here to check stuff. the convenient location of laptop at breakfast nook doesn't help much....oh well. the house hasn't caught on fire yet, at least not technically, i mean toaster fires don't really count....

so the hot neighbor was outside today, with his girlfriend, and i spoke to them briefly, but sometimes it's hard to sound intelligent when he's around, steaming up the joint with his abnormally high body temperature. and i ended up ducking back inside just as the skank daughter came outside, and i was afraid it looked like i was guiltily avoiding her--cuz the adults were away for about a week and she did some heavy partying (as you may recall). but i don't think it's my place to tell on her. if her mom would leave me with a list of do's and don'ts and ask me to report back, i'll admit i'd probably do it--with a sick, deep sense of gleeful satisfaction!!! but since i don't really know what her rules are i don't pay close attention to the goings on (okay, okay, so i sit in the dark peering through my blinds and take notes). anyway, i'm a freak. who else fucking notices and worries about shit like that? oh no, the 15 year old thinks i'm tattling on her! cripes.

this post has taken a record number of minutes to write. i have popped 3 different bags of popcorn and cleaned up two spills and refilled 4 bowls 3 times...and that's too much like math so i'm going to stop right now. or maybe now. nope, now.

so, this is quadruple header golf weekend. the best friend i talked about who moved to oregon (although it's actually washington...) well, her husband is town and that's another brother of the hubby so they're doing 36 holes today as well as tomorrow. they're so lame. friggin golf. better go.

That's right. The babysitter came through at the last possible moment and i got to go to the show. And can i just start by saying, swearing an oath, in fact that i will NEVER attend another concert without my brother in law. See, we got decent tickets from a scalper, 20th row, floor. fine, okay, whatever. Guess where we ended up, yet again? that's right. the frontest of the front row (i know that's not a word, but it works, right?). There is NO other way to attend a concert than in that crush of people and leaning on that cement wall. aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh.............pure heaven. And HE makes it happen. Does it matter that i only know a few of 3 Doors Down's songs? The same ones that everyone else knows, from their incessant radio play? erm, no. it doesn't. Does it matter that i was surprised at the way the band members looked, which made me realize that i had never even seen a picture of them? nah. Does it matter that i was screaming like a 13 year old at a new kids concert? ahem, well, let's not talk about that. They were great, though. Solid playing. oh yeah, and seether was their 2nd opener and we missed all of the 1st band (don't even know who it was) and most of Seether, but what we caught of them was great, too. They did a cover of that recently released Nirvana song "you know you're right" which i LOVE LOVE LOVE, and it was cool to hear it live since, well, obviously... and after the show, the bro in law was doing his typical stick around and try to get drumsticks or picks or whatever and we left, but as we circled around the back of the stage, heading toward the parking lot we saw the band signing autographs and taking pictures with fans and stuff. and of course, the bro in law was there. getting autographs and the drummer said to him "hey you're that dude from the front row--you were totally rockin out!!" and i was sad i missed that.

So I started thinking about it and it's really too bad that i didn't have this pipeline to the front row back when i was wildly passionate about lots of bands. i mean, i still get a rush from it and it's fun, etc, blah blah.....but, man. i remember that feeling. going to show just filled with excitement that "oh my GOD they're going to be there in person!!!" and being filled with some unfounded hope that you might get to see them up close or meet them or something. but of course, i was always in the 30th row of the arena part, not even on the floor and the band was a flea circus below........oh well. Now i have a goal. I WILL see pearl jam from the front row. i think my heart just skipped a beat. i mean fu-uck. i will probably get kicked out by security for trying to climb onto the stage or for throwing my granny panties at eddie. (no, i don't actually wear granny panties, but i feel friggin old, and i love that phrase.) or at least i'll probably try to send him e.s.p. messages that i am way cooler than his damn wife....yeah, i know. they're not even on tour right now. and they haven't been to utah since the last time i saw them which was 5 years ago. that was a GREAT show. they are so amazing live. i wish they were still putting out gooooooooooood albums. wow, listen to me--i'm a walking thesaurus: great, amazing, good. wow, what a vocabulary.

my kids are so damn cute. way cuter than yours. especially those of you without kids.

I hate nothing more than when I click "post" and watch said post vanish into thin air. fuckity fuck. and then my kids unplugged the server, so my internet vanished a few minutes later as well. and wouldn't come back up. even though my stupid wireless card said it was connected to the network. what network, fatty? if YOU'RE connected to it, why can't i open a frickin' browser??? (sorry, had to throw in a frickin cuz i might have used all my "fuck"s for the day. oops. over quota. you don't even want to know what they charge for going over the limit. it's worse than roaming over limit minutes on a cell phone.)

okay. so that deleted post was several hours ago, and i'm still sick (and tired. and tired of being sick. and sick of being tired....yeah, i'm a huge geek.) anyway. so i don't think i'll remember much of it. but here's my best attempt. oh, and if i forget, remind me to start working on one of those cheesy lists of "100 things about me" because for someone as all-consumingly self-centered as I, it's sure taken me a while to get around to it.

So, last night i went to hang out with my friend B, and our dear old friend Davey Crockett (a.k.a Davey Jones) and it was a great time. well, honestly i felt rather puke-ish and explosive in the gut region all night, but the company was good. The nicest thing was when Dave walked in and said, "You're skinny as a rail!" cuz he hasn't seen me in a couple of months and apparently i've trimmed up a bit since then. and are those not the sweetest words a girl can hear? better even than those pesky "i love you"s that most are so fond of. so i offered to make out with him, or at least with B., but he politely declined, as he is still, in fact a willing participant in the myths of mormonism. (which i knew he would, or i would have never offered!!) ooooh, and also, when we walked into denny's later (because as lame-ass as denny's is, when you're with friends like those it's the laugh factory itself and it's a place you can be as obnoxious as hell and act drunk without anyone noticeing or caring) two rather more musclular than necessary but handsome nonetheless men check us out. that's right. both of us. not just B, who really IS as skinny as a rail (or moreso, in all honesty) which has only just started happened again after my extended visit to Fat-Ass Land, these past couple of years. sweet, sweet thing, getting "the look".

okay, so the evening was fun. we ended up driving out into the far reaches of the desert, behind the lake to see a guy that B. has dated. and i approved. we had lots of laughs, as usual, and missed our 4th wheel...as usual. damn his wife. i'd put her name, but i can't for the life of me remember exactly what it is or remotely how to spell it. anyway, we had fun anyway. i told someone to "step off" which was great fun, because i have neither heard nor used that phrase in at least a decade, and i don't think i ever used it seriously........I told dave about my plan to infiltrate the byu campus and convert people to a life of free love, at which he laughed. then said the second nice thing of the evening, which was that I (lisa) respect other people too much to actually do something like that, i respect their choices. i don't know, it was just nice. sometimes i forget that i'm a good person.

So, it's the summer of neverending concerts, apparently. The Mr. Housewife (err...the dude who makes it possible for me to be such, at least...) is going to 3 Doors Down tonight. i declined to go, as i am still slightly ill and the kids are not sick enough that i would stay home just for that, but not in a perfect state of health, etiher....but now i'm regretting it, and might call our trusty babysitters and just see if one of them is free tonight....cuz damn i'd like to put on something slutty and go get sloshed!! hee. the hubby would sure appreciate it, too. dunno. want to take a nap first....god i'm old. eek. fitness model sister in law just called and said she wants to go to the show tonight so the babysitter race is on. one of my two babysitters is free but has to run it by her mom, and the other is busy.....so, i need to find another babysitter or call my mother in law... cuz now i have more reason to go to the show.....except i can't really go too slutty because she's A. frickin gorgeous so i'd feel totally dumpy and fat no matter how good i thought i looked...and B. she's still mormon enough that i might feel, well, slutty if i went too slutty. nice vocab, Lis. kay. wish me luck.

Thursday, September 04, 2003

Here's a great site i just found on fresh blogs called how perfectly swell and it is. perfectly swell. ,

okay, so "blog this" works fine, but it's no more convenient than the usual way to post, and in fact it doesn't appear that i can publish, so what the hell's the point???

anyway, when i mentioned that i "found some good stuff" while looking through old posts this morning, one of the good things was a comment from Mark so i went to his site to check it out again before linking him, but then i got distracted ('magine that!) and didn't do it. THEN a few minutes ago i noticed he had left a comment here. at first i thought "what an amazing coincidence!" then i remembered that some people have better web stats than i do and he might have actually seen me on his site earlier which is why he came here. and then i realized i think too much. i should go to more of the types of concerts that mark goes to--or at least engage in the concert-day festivities that he does....wink wink. then i'd be able to relax.

i am listening to radiohead right now. i still have to say creep is my favorite song--if only because it reminds me of my early years of debauchery and villainousness in Utah, as well as mirroring some of my own thoughts--but there are some songs that really kick that song's ass....god that sounded stupid. sometimes, when i talk to "real" adults i feel like a teenager. and when i say "real" i mean, people my age who actually act like they're 28. i use too much slang and i use it so often that sometimes i fear i've forgotten all the gloriously uptight rules of the english language which i cherish so....but no, couldn't be. which reminds me--i'm ashamed to admit that there's a word i've been using incorrectly. i am aghast, actually. somehow i picked up the word "tortuous" from someone using it incorrectly in place of the word "torturous". but i trusted this person. dammit. that makes my skin crawl. what kind of trash could i have been spending time with?? just kidding. mistakes happen, it's all good. but if i ever figure out who led me astray--i'll put their bloody eyes out!

So i thought it would be fun to actually clean off my 17 half-coats of toenail polish and start over--with a new color even. I know, I know. this is too exciting for words, really. tough. read it anyway. so all was going well, until my skinny twinny asked to hold the polish. i said no, but since they don't listen he grabbed it from the counter anyway. and promptly dropped it, spilling it in a beautiful aerial pattern all over my bathroom wall, door and floor. faaaaaaaack.

so i was reading through some old posts today, looking for a link that i thought would be helpful, and found some good stuff. unfortunately, the link ended up being in an email and not very helpful at all. oh well.

now all of my tupperware/rubbermaid/etc lids are being tossed about like frisbees. should i MAYBE consider interacting with my children instead of making sweet love to my computer all day? (and yes, i meant that figuratively, you grubb-os.) Oh, look, they've figured out how to climb onto the kitchen counters without the aid of a chair. good. i was hoping they'd figure that out. okay, they are now locked into their high chairs with a grilled cheese sandwich. sweet freedom.

sure, now they're quiet i have nothing to say.

going to hang out with my friend Becky tonight and our old friend DAve. it used to be mike and dave and becky and i--best buds, hours and hours of laughing....then everything fell apart. becky got a boyfriend...then i got a boyfriend...then mike went on a mission...then i got married...then dave went on a mission...then becky got married....then becky had a baby....then i got pregnant with twins....then the boys returned from their stupid ass (i mean swell) missions (for the lds church--so the answer is NO, i dont' hate ALL mormons...) and as you can imagine, it's just not the same. oh yeah, then Mike got married and his wife doesn't like us so we don't ever get to see him. that's okay, though, cuz when she got pregnant i used my special powers to curse them with twins. Ha! that'll teach her. do NOT mess with me. we all look back with such an aching fondness. it was a perfect symbiosis, you know? we all just made each other laugh (okay, so mostly the boys made us laugh) but still. it was the golden years, truly. sigh. sometimes we smuggle mike out of his prison and we get one brief, shining moment of the "good old days". sigh. growing up sucks blue whale balls.

well that didn't last long. they each ate exactly 1/4 of a sandwich. but now they're playing quietly with some trucks. in case you're wondering, i really do play with my kids a lot. they are silly and sweet and i love them to absolute oblivion. but they have each other to play with, too, so i take advantage of that and write sometimes. ahem. no, i'm not feeling guilty. i'm not! god damn it. yes i am, so now i have to go.

i know i've said i like drama, but let's remember, i'm a gemini and we're well-noted for have two separate feelings or opinions about one subject. it's what i like to call "wishy-washy". yeah, that's me. i wish i wasn't like that, sometimes. i wish i could just stand firm and take my beliefs to the grave, but you know.....well, i just can usually see other people's points of view. Not on that specific drama situation, but just in general. I mean, I just hate conflict. and i have the ability to see life from many different perspectives. and did i mention i hate conflict?

I watched The Good Girl today, finally. it's one of those movies that i loved the first time, and the second time was different but it still held its impact. The opening, narrated lines* kick me in the gut. Not so much now as 6 months ago when i felt them, all the way to my toes, all the way through my flesh into the marrow of my bones, crackling with the electric shock of hearing something out loud that rings so true to me, to my life....cuz i'm happy now. For now. i hope i can stay this way--content, satisfied....but that's not really so much my waaaaaay. ya know? i'm a restless one, alright. if i'm content that's almost a bad thing, even if it's good. and it is. good. i'm happy and snuggly and feeling great about me, myself and i--and our life. kind of weird. probably just means something will go horribly wrong soon. or it'll all topple over. but what the hell--that's the fun of it. =)

i'm starting to get annoyed that blogger pro is offline. maybe i could learn how to do REAL html and just do this myself. snort. yeah right. the last thing i need right now is a new project. i already have 16.3 going and that's about my max. i'm supposed to be a part of two different book clubs but i haven't read a book for either of them yet for august and i don't know if i'll ever get around to it. the library is my enemy lately. they have shitty hours and no drive-up drop off. i know. i moved from the town that had the drive up and late hours almost 4 years ago, but i'm not over it, okay? i hated that city, with its overflowing population, most of whom were byu students or recent graduates or hopefuls or wannabes....

god, i hate them. i really need to go streak campus or something, and get it out of my system.... actually, i've considered starting an underground movement promoting sex. sex is a healthy thing for young adults to be doing and those folks are just sadly misguided. they marry the first person they don't hate just so they can fuck. and they're all scratching their heads wondering why the mormon divorce rate has skyrocketed over the past few years, overtaking the national average. hmmmm....i wonder. could it be, satan? oh wait, turned into the church lady for a second....what i mean is, maybe if they could feel free to have sex they wouldn't feel pressured to get married, cuz damn--hormones are hormones, and mormons have them just like everybody else. trust me, i was there, it's not a pretty feeling. you can easily become consumed by wondering what sex is like, cuz if making out feels so great, won't it be a zillion times better? you wonder. (hell yes, is the answer, by the way.) but you feel so evil for even wondering. and then you fall in love with some cute boy and you can't stand just making out anymore so you decide to get married. to hell with answering the important questions, like, will this person make a good parent, do i love him enough to last a lifetime, and will his nose hairs get out of control when he's 50? all you care about is getting his pants off. and yours. and the only way to do that is to marry him. friggin pathetic. if i was single, i'd devote all my free time to converting mormon guys to my religion: sex. i need to at least start passing out little flyers that say, "sex is good--don't wait" or something cute like that. jeeeeez. the worst part is, i can hear them now, tisking at how the devil got to me. fuck that. i choose life. not rules.

ahem. nice rant. yeah, you could say i'm a little bitter or something. it's just such a crazy ass way to live. depriving yourself of everything all the time. so if you wonder why i swear too much, that's the answer: i have 21 years of purity to purge from my system. =) which reminds me, someone left me a "private" comment the other day saying that if i didn't use so much foul language my blog would be better. i was dying to say, if you don't like it, fuck the fucking hell off. or something equally offensive, but since i don't like conflict....=) maybe i should tone it down a bit, but like i said to that person --it just wouldn't be me.

"As a girl you see the world like a giant candy store filled with sweet candy and such, but one day you look around and you see a prison and you're on death row. and you wanna run or scream or cry but something's locking you up."--Justine, The Good Girl

Wednesday, September 03, 2003

Long story but here's the gist: some guy badmouthed some girl and another girl stood up for her (these are bloggers...) and another guy started badmouthing the second girl and i made one little comment and got dragged into it. i knew i didn't want to--i hate conflict. but he said a 15 year old kid deserved to be shot and stabbed, by assuming that because he might be of color and live in nyc that he's a crack dealer. that's just plain ignorant. so then he ripped me apart saying that i should get off my fat ass and stop eating bon bons and watch the news so i would know what's going on in the world and get off welfare, etc. HUH?????? the only reason i'm mentioning this at all is that it's bizarre that he would jump to such misguided conclusions. (first about the boy who was attacked, second about me). now, i can't say if that boy was hanging with disreputable people, but i AM pretty damn sure that he himself is from a decent, loving family and is not a crack dealer, but a good kid. however, like i said, i don't know so i couldn't really defend him. BUT i do know for DAMN sure what my husband's income is, and what our fucking white picket fence looks like. OURS. he accused me of not watching the news. well, as i said yesterday, i don't watch a lot of news. i read AP and Reuters stuff on the web, however, and that's how i stay informed. AND whether or not i actively pursue the news of the world around me has nothing to do with my ability to feel compassion for a 15 year old relative of a cyber-buddy, for christ's sake. see my panties? they're most definitely in a twist. and i'm hungry. and it's morning. what the hell am i doing??? i should be eating, or at least sleeping. bon bons. Nice stereotype. anyway. just had to get that off my chest. i'm not going to link the dude, because i realllllly hate the idea of bickering back and forth. besides, i kind of like his site so i may end up linking him later, in a good way. IF he'll accept the fact that he made incorrect assumptions about me. *update* he apologized, although he said those things intending them toward my FRIEND which he didn't retract, so that's not really good enough.

Tuesday, September 02, 2003

yeah, they're telling us for what they think is the first time that utah has a meth lab problem. holy shit people. i don't even watch the news and i knew that 3 years ago. and no, it's not from personal experience, you smart asses. that stuff's creepy. but it's on the news every other week, so i don't know why they think we don't know. literally, the reporter just said, "many utahans are not aware of the meth problem we have in the state." well, only if they've never watched tv.

what else can i bitch about today? cuz i'm feeling bitch-ay. nah, i got nothin. it's hot as fuck in my room right now, though. or maybe that's just my fever setting in. i'm heading for my own pukefest. pray for me. and read my drawing board once in a while. i put a story there. remember, rough drafts, rough drafts.

i found the funniest blog ever, although as it turns out, it's supposed to be....and there was someone else i wanted to link, but i can't remember right now. a girl. who wants to write a novel. who posted some kick ass sex excerpts....dammit. i'll remember, just hold on. i knew i'd find it! yeeee haw. this chick is cool. Glorifying the Horifying is the name of it, although i like the url better....anyway, check it out.

WEnt back to Dillard's yesterday. spent even more money than the first time. but that's NOTHING compared to my brother in law who also went twice. the first day he bought 12 pairs of SHOES and the second day he bought 10 MORE pairs of SHOES. and he's not even gay (believe me, i asked him). i mean shit. dude! seriously. that's more pairs of shoes than any man ought to buy--in his lifetime, let alone one weekend. yes, yes, i'm just jealous. i didn't even make it to the shoe department...and i'm regretting it. anyway. my closet is overflowing and overjoyed--as am I (overjoyed, not overflowing...).

aren't you glad i am not able to upgrade to stupid blogger pro because they are not offering it right now? because if i could post pictures, i would probably post pictures of all my new clothes. i have told you all before that i have no life, and i continue to prove it to you. sad, pathetic. I had forgotten what a shop-a-holic i used to be. the itch is back. the fire. but it'll be okay because the Mr. keeps me on a tight leash. what a rush, though. and mostly because everything i bought was perfect. even the pair of tommy jeans which could not be any more gorgeous and perfectly cut, which were about a half size too big so i threw them in a hot washer and now they're exactly right. siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh. i'm in serious need of help.

some old version of my blog from july 27th is what is current when i open--oh nevermind. i think i just picked the wrong thing from the drop down in my address bar....i'm sort of a dumb ass. grrr. took care of sick kids all weekend, now the hubby's sick and wants my laptop in bed with him so he can keep on top of work stuff. what will i do without it here beside me allllllllll day?????? i'm frickin addicted. it's pathetic.

About Me

This blog has always been a place for me to express the fullness of who I am, from the inside out.
I was always an open book and a wealth of TMI.
The last couple of years have put me through the wringer, but I have now found my True Love and with him, my way home.