How to tell your parents you’re going through puberty

Welcome to today’s installment of WTF Wednesday, where you can get designer advice at warehouse prices as long as you don’t mind mostly seconds, irregulars, size XXXL, or advice that went out of style in 1983.

We’ve been getting a lot of great questions lately. If you’ve asked one recently and it’s not been answered yet, hang in there. If this is an emergency, put the computer down and call Dr. Phil. Otherwise stay on the Internet and we’ll answer your question as soon as we can.

Today’s question is one of the many questions asked via search engines that point the advice-seeker to IBMP, which only proves that the Internet knows good advice when it sees it. Our Googlist asks,

Dear IBMP,

How do you tell your parents you’re going through puberty?

My first response to this question is to rephrase it and ask how you tell your parents that if they can’t tell you’re going through puberty then they’ve got some serious situational awareness issues. Seriously, it’s pretty hard to miss.

But hey, I’m not here to judge your clearly lame parents. If they need to be told their kid’s undergoing a massive metamorphosis from a young irresponsible child to a large, smelly, hormone-drenched, moody irresponsible teen, the least I can do is help their unfortunate offspring.

There are several ways to tell your parents that you’re going through puberty. All of them have been thoroughly tested over the years by countless zit-faced pre-teens and proven effective with even the most unaware parents.

I know you’re trying to decide whether to tell them in person, text them, post it on their Facebook wall, or leave a note. But you’ll need to step outside your comfort zone if you want to do this right. Try these instead:

Bedroom door sign. There’s nothing that screams, “Wake up, your kid’s going through puberty!” louder than a KEEP OUT! sign on your bedroom door. The wise parent will quietly slip a copy of Your Changing Body under the door, retreat to the living room, and wait about a year and a half.

The Internet search history technique. This one’s simple: resist the urge to clear the computer’s Internet browser history. You’re probably searching the web for answers about how to french kiss and trolling for online underwear ads anyway. If you don’t clear the browser history, one of two things will happen:

Either your parents will recognize the obvious sign of puberty that you’re now starting to think with your groin, or

your mother will assume it was your father on the computer and your family will be torn apart, thus making your concerns about whether your parents know you’re going through puberty seem rather silly in comparison.

Inexplicable bathroom time. Another surefire way to signal to your parents that your gametes are beginning to ripen is to spend at least a half-hour in the bathroom alone with the door closed, 2-3 times per day. It may seem like a lot, but something tells me you’ll figure out a way to pass the time in there.

Forego the shower.If you want to ensure your parents are aware you’re going through puberty, why not take advantage of all the senses? One cannot smell good and be going through puberty at the same time. This is especially true for those pre-teens who are burdened with the Y chromosome.and finally,

Become a total dick. As you proceed through puberty, your emotions become controlled entirely by chemical hormones in your blood. The role of these hormones is to make you a moody, bitchy, emotional wreck and to ensure that your parents, whenever possible, suffer the consequences. Your parents should begin to clue in to your pubescent state the first time you burst into tears, storm to your room and slam your door shut in response to the question, “How was your day?”

Problem solved. You’re welcome!

I’m guessing our readers have some suggestions of their own. Love to hear them in the comments!

Ahh. Being a recent victim of this particular life process, I have some sage words of wisdom for the current victims: to resist all hormonal urges. Resist the need to pout at a camera pointed at a mirror. Resist the urge to get super drunk on the pretense of being cool. Basically, resist all forms of “being cool”. All of them.

Especially in situations which will result in immediate cessation of priviledges, such as TV, leaving the house, and using the telephone. I spent an awful lot of my early teenage life grounded, without a mobile phone. Usually for mouthing off at somebody, or telling my dad “he doesn’t know ANYTHING”. Even if you believe this to be the case, don’t say it.

If someone were to develop a pill that restored one’s endocrine system to puberty levels (thus making us all young, strong, nubile,capable of partying without sleep for three days, and that will regrow the hair on our heads if we’re male and firm up our tatas if we’re female,) and I was given the choice of taking the pill or shooting myself in the head, I’d take the gun.
No way on earth would I ever want to go through puberty ever again. I may be gray, achy, and middle aged, but it beats adolescence.

uuumm…so i came across this blog post or whatever after searching this on google:
im going through puberty and im really moody but my parents wont shut up.

im very self-concious (or watever you would call it when ur very shy and sesitive to ur body)
i have A.D.H.D (HATE IT!!!) and it is very extreme. now im going thru puberty, so my [bad] mood levels are maximized. i aam throwing huge spastic fits whenever my parents talk to me about something i dont want to talk about (they dont talk about puberty. they always say im isrespectful and that all 7th graders are stupid…such nice parents, huh? gggrrr…)

so um i need some help…like…NOW! thanks, and sorry if i was a little bratty in this comment……im going to blame it on puberty……lolz

i fell ya girl!(just guessing)ya know what,ive got attention deficit hyperactive disorder too!*hugs ya* i can tell ya,ive got mild A.D.H.D,so anyways its a pain in the butt too.im going through puberty too and my mom only thinks im a little brat instead of going through puberty,but thank god my grandmother said”you know what,shes almost a teenager,let her sleep in,shes going to be a little brat just like you were,yeah,you were the most horrible teen on earth,but i accepted you,and if you wont accept her,i will!”,gotta love grandmas XD lol,im getting meh breasts,and my armpit hair is growing(the easy way for meh to let her know is to hold my pits up in front of her face XD)trust me,if ya get your pit hair its pretty easy to tell her XD

btw im a girl and im 12 and i’ve only just started puberty. okay, i guess i will mention the stages that im experiencing right now. so my breasts (or as people now call them, boobs) have begun to grow and my mom bought me a bra, although i obviously don’t need one yet. also, my butt is like producing all of this nasty white stuff that looks like snot that apparently is called vaginal discharge and is normal. sure doesn’t seem normal!!!

I get the vaginal discharge as well! Aw well hopefully it will stop soon. I hope. Maybe.
HELP ME I THINK I’M GOING CRAZY 😰
HULK SMASH!!! 😡
*sob* life’s not fair! 😭
Wtf are you doing? You idiot!!! 😫
(In case you didn’t notice I also get gigantic mood swings!!!)
(Insert bad word of your choice) you puberty!!!

how do you tell your parents about puberty without feeling akward or worrying about it for weeks? i really want a reply. i noticed u replied to all of the other comments on march 14. but i need an answer here! btw i used a fake email….as if that matters…

Hi Joyce. My “advice” is only for laughs. I’d be doing you a disservice if I pretended to know the first thing about girls, girls in puberty or girls in puberty looking for ways to speak to their parents about it. Sadly, I have minimal experience with girls and my son is just getting going with the whole puberty thing. I do have a recommendation for you, though: Go have a look at this site — http://askdoctorg.com/ she seems to be a pretty good source of advice.
Good luck!

I have a problem I am an eleven year old boy and I want to tell my mother but when I give hints she just trails off into different subjects I don’t want it to be awkward but it’s bothering the scrap out of me I can’t talk to my dad because my parents are divorced and it’s none of my step dads business about my body I have been trying all year long to get my mom to notice and she should have noticed scensing I have been getting mad every time I don’t get my way (and no I haven’t been doing it on purpose) I mean I wish she would just face the fact that I need to talk to her about this she can’t delay it much longer she’s going to have to try to do it before I go into middle school which is in like 3 months but idk if she will anyways please leave a reply and sorry for the long comment

Hi Coolguy. OK, I need to be clear that I’m not any kind of official qualified advice-giver. I am a dad of a boy about your age and that’s the only thing I have to go on.

Reaching out for help is a great thing for a kid to do, but keep in mind that the Internet is filled with both good and bad people. Don’t EVER accept an offer to meet with you or talk on the phone from anyone, or give your address–or any personal information AT ALL to anyone on the Internet while you’re out looking for help. EVER.

First, here are a few sites that I’ve found that are geared toward kids in your situation.

This site has teen volunteers answering questions from kids just like you — http://puberty101.com/ The ads are a bit unfortunate, but ignore them.

Now, here’s my perspective, for what it’s worth. You say that hinting to your mom isn’t working. If she’s like many parents, she’s as scared about talking about it as you are of coming right out and asking. I don’t know anything about your relationship with your mom, but if there is no reason other than discomfort to come straight out and tell her you have something you need to talk with her about, you may need to get the courage, stop hinting, and tell her outright.

Remember that us old folks like your mom and me usually didn’t have those conversations with our parents–they left books out for us to find. So it’s probably a first for her, just like it is for you. Also, being a girl, she might be afraid that you’ll have questions that she can’t answer. This is where a bookstore or library might actually help you both. Maybe letting her know you know that will make her feel more comfortable.

And remember this: Whatever weird stuff your body and mind are going through is probably completely normal. Every one of your friends either will, is, or did go through the same weird stuff–even if they pretend they aren’t/didn’t.

Thx! My parents r (not exaggerating here) complete assholes. Im in the middle of puberty and thy never told me what ANYTHING related to it was! The least they told me was “when u were born, u came out of my belly!” U c wat i mean here? Jeez even ik i came out a freakin vagina! I mite purposely walk in on them having sex and tell em to get a life…

My god dang parents won’t even notice, either they are resisting to talk to me or they are idiots. I am 12 and I’m completely sure I’m going through puberty. The only thing that they have noticed is that I’m smelly, and they said I need deodorant. But that’s all. My dad would know, as he’s 43, but he is completely blind. (well not actually blind, but you get it) I’ve even tried getting erections and standing in front of them, nothing! I really need advice.

My breasts are developing and I even asked my mom if i could get a bra and face wipes, and this repelling stuff that treats bumpy skin and i get angry at them a lot and i sweat a lot and they don’t seem to notice. Ive even given them hints like saying ” Mom I get mood swings a lot and i dont know why” Of course i know why, ive also told my mom and my dad that i get sweaty really easy, and they just said then shower more often. Ive also said little clues that im attracted to boys, like can i invite Jimmy over,,,,, Jimmy is my crush. Also when there around i do the love gaze, but into space

I really dont just wanna go out into space and say, Mom ive started puberty, so i dont know what to do

[…] your kid). Anyway, I wasn’t in any position to really do anything about it and even suggested I’ve Become My Parents cover it in his WTF Wednesday. In the end, I came up with some of my own solutions although if […]

[…] your kid). Anyway, I wasn’t in any position to really do anything about it and even suggested I’ve Become My Parents cover it in his WTF Wednesday. In the end, I came up with some of my own solutions although if […]