Flotsam

2. I guess I am going to a hooping class… I have never in my life successfully hula hooped and the last time I engaged in any group-based aerobic activity I fell off the step (step aerobics, you see) and sprained my ankle in front of the instructor and the whole class and like, God and the whole world, but the first line of the class description is “Energized by the modern sounds of Chicago Style House music” and really, how can I say no to the modern sounds of Chicago house? I can’t, that’s how. I can’t promise I will be any good at this, but I can promise that I will be very amusing in a “laugh at” way.

3. Remember that time I complained about not being able to wear Lane Bryant Right Fit jeans? Of course you don’t. Why would you? But never mind because here’s the thing: I bought a pair of Red 2s (at the same store and on the same day as Colleen – OMG SISTERZ) and they are truly as awesome as I had been led to believe they would be. I had a hilariously irritating exchange with the cashier, during which she tried three times to get me to open a charge account, asked me if I would like to be measured, asked me if I understood how the Right Fits worked (I assured her that I was familiar with pants), told me that the jeans would not stretch out at all (lies! On day two, I was hitching them up like a plumber on a day hike), told me that I was buying the jeans in “tall” (true – my legs are a wee bit long for average length, and indeed too short for talls, but I hate that thing that happens with too short pants where the cuffs stick out in the back at the heel so I buy tall pants and hem, or cuff, or just walk on the backs of my pants like some sort of sloppy raver kid), told me I had selected “stretch flares” rather than “stretch boot cut” (false – I have no idea where she got that idea or why she felt like that was something she needed to tell me), and asked me again if I would like to be measured so I could be sure I had the right jeans for my shape. I reassured her that I had, indeed, tried on not only the pair of jeans I was purchasing, but four other pairs in various sizes, shapes, and lengths and that I was confident, having tried them on, that I was about to purchase the best jeans for me. I’m not altogether sure why this woman worked so hard to get me to not buy the pants that I was clearly excited about buying, but whatever the origin of her nefarious plan IT DID NOT WORK. Not only did it not work, but I intend to buy yet another pair of the same size, fit, and length in the darker wash. YEAH TAKE THAT, LADY.

4. I know that we are way behind on this one, but we finally sat down and watched a few episodes of Flight of the Conchords and all I have to say about the show is this: ROFL.

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11 comments

Red 2! High five! (Though I’m very much a Red 2 short.) And yay for hooping and public embarrassment! Speaking of which, I need to write up the belly dance class I just went to. I am, as it turns out, as uncoordinated as ever.

Omg. A) I love Chicago House Music. I cannot say no to it either. I am sorry it caused you to sprain your ankle. B) I bought some of LB’s new pants a while back, I can’t remember what color or size? The ones for the pear shapes. In a 4 maybe? I’m normally a size 22/24 at LB. I can’t keep track of all their crazy sizing, because even though I haven’t changed weight in a while, I keep changing sizes there. At Old Navy the 22s are sometimes too big. Whatever PEOPLE. I was thrilled that the pants were actually long enough, but the following DAY they were seriously TOO BIG because they had like GROWN all over. Like the pants had somehow exponentially increased in size, like they had gone through puberty. What The Hell. And I refuse to wear clothes that are either Too Big or Too Small because either makes me FEEL Horrible, as though I am massive and unattractive. And Maybe I am those things, and it doesn’t matter if I am, but I don’t want to spend $50 to FEEL that way. Thank you.

The ladies who work at that store crack me up. Next time they ask if you have a LB card, just say yes. It’ll save you like 15 minutes of back and forth.

I don’t know why they even bother measuring for the Right Fits. I think it’s a fluke that the girl who measured me when they first came out got it right. I measure as a blue 7 but she told me to go down to a blue 5. Even going up to a 6 leads to major bagginess. It’s a good thing they fit once you get the size right or I’d toss the whole concept out the window. The trousers fit like a freakin DREAM, though. They’re fab.

Oh goddess yes those pants stretch out like crazy. I have a red 2 petite myself (boot cut) and I’m actually thinking about washing them in hot water to get them back to the size they were when I bought them.

And yeah, the salespeople don’t know. I told my salesperson I was a misses 18 and she had me try on 3’s, which were all too big. I actually let mine know after I found the right size, so she could add it to her “mental databank.”

Yeah, Conchords! I got the first volume from Netflix, laughed my ass off, ordered the second, and it had gotten so scratched up in the short time they had it that it was unplayable. Waah. So now I have to wait for a replacement. (Pant, pant.)

Weirdly, I am also a red 2, although I’m quite clearly bigger than Kate.

You should be fine with hooping even if you could never hula hoop — kids’ hoops are flimsy and light, much harder to keep up than a large heavy adult-size hoop. I couldn’t hoop when I was a kid at ALL, but I can waist hoop just fine now. (Tougher stuff, like chest and leg hooping, is still beyond me.) It’s just a matter of finding the rhythm. And it’ll be fun either way!

Next time they ask if you have a LB card, just say yes. It’ll save you like 15 minutes of back and forth.

Seriously. Only way to get them off your back.

Hooping. If nothing else, I expect to get a good story out of it. Although I’ve been looking up make-your-own-hoop stuff (I’m a sucker for any kind of fabrication project), and I think I might make a hoop for its own sake. ‘Cause decorating it seems like it could be really fun. Pretty!

Let’s hear it for the Red 2s. Although, I totally take back all my LB Right Fit karma I sent out months ago. The pants turned out to be very poor quality material and after just a few months, they look really worn and tired. And I only wore them maybe twice a week. Hope yours work out better.

You know, Rachel, I totally hear you on the quality of the jeans. As I was putting them on, I thought, “Man, whatever happened to seriously high quality jeans?”

The last pair of jeans that I bought that felt like they were built to last were, no kidding, a FIREPROOF pair of jeans that I found in a thrift store in Atlanta. Fireproof! So awesome. I don’t know what happened to them, though.

Meowser, try drying the jeans in a laundromat dryer on high. That will shrink the fuck out of anything. It will probably also lead to the early demise of the fabric, but they are going to fall apart sooner rather than later anyway so you might as well enjoy the fit while you can.

Oh, I forgot – I also refused (politely!) to give the lady my phone number (as a general policy I don’t give retailers my phone number or address because seriously, why do you need that?) after we finally established that I was indeed going to buy those jeans, come hell or high water, and I thought she was going to just walk away from the register completely.

So I’m way behind the times, but I just had to throw a comment out there. Or three.

1) Friggin’ “Right Fit” jeans, I hate ‘em. :) I love my old style bootcut LB jeans–they’ve lasted for two years of wearing/washing about four times a week, and are just now starting to show it.

2) I know it’s annoying, but the LB girls really are required to ask that many times about the credit cards. I used to work there and I can tell you from experience that they will rain all over your parade if they catch you being less than obnoxious about it.