I don't want to make excuses but maybe I shouldn't have called this morning with how I was feeing that AM. I felt like I had to call because I didn't call last night. I am feeling sick, sore throat, weakness, low grade fever like total crap. After getting off the phone with you I felt even worse with belly pain and sick to my stomach. I'm just so confused. If I can ask you one question seriously with the kids taken out of the equation what are the 3 things that you love about me the most that make you want to stay together and pretend the kids are not an issue. Sorry to ask but I need to know since all of the things we have gone through. I will go first

1. I love the fact that I can trust you with anything you have never lied to me and I know you would never cheat on me. This is huge! makes me sad that I have broken this with you.

2. I love how amazing of a mother you are to our kids always putting them 1st above you and how you treat them like angels everyday. Can't count this because we said kids are out of the picture but just wanted you to know

2a. I love how intuitive you are and how smart you are with different things like saving money, finding the best deals, etc.

3. I love when you are loveable to me and when I look into your eyes and all I see is the love for me. The way you hold me and the unconditional love that you have for me. I had not seen this much over the last years but when I do it's amazing.

sadly, i'm obviously no expert in relationships, but maybe just take time to think how you want to reply. It is very confusing to be told 'yes no yes no' - it leaves you very emotionally unsteady, drained and vulnerable.

The way I see it, taking your time to discover what YOU really want is the way forward.....it is very hard and I think it takes a long time. But if you can paddle your own canoe without him rocking you around, you will feel stronger.....

when you know what you truely feel is for the best, then you will know how to answer - if you want him back and he does too, then that will be wonderful, if you want him back and he decides he wants to go his own way, then you will have more strength to deal with that if you have stabilized yourself alone. If you don't want him back then that's your call.

It is very difficult to put yourself in the driving seat but try to remind yourself that you are a wonderful person and you ARE able to decide for yourself.....

this is what I am trying to do.....it is easy to know in your head, but not so easy to really feel it!

Thanks Marigold...i responded....in a very neutral way...gave him some points ...didn't talk about future...all past...did not convince him of anything but asked one final Q at the end...is what we talked over the phone his final ?!....
we'll see if/when he responds

don't get his confusion...i never will,he told me he's happy on his own ,that he doesn't have anybody else in his life....and than 2 hrs later he asks me that kind of Q...this has got to be diagnosable...

What the heck? I don't understand the man? He was trying to see how in love with HIM you are, and not that you are doing this just for the sake of the kids.
It sounds like he needs to feel like the most important thing in your life & is resenting you putting the children first (childish yes, I have the same issue with my husband it appears.)

from my point of view, not so childish, can lead to the to him feeling more & more left on the outer, wife spends more and more time with the kids, can get to the point where they have no time for H & W

I have never put him 2nd though...never ever...he was the one not spending enough time with me...i never had to choose between my kids and him...he was always missing...working nights...
I think he wanted to know if i want to get back with him only because of the kids...weird because i made it clear to him numerous times that I LOVE HIM.....WTF?!
In my head all day i have been envisioning me without him...for the 1st time...it's hard but i'm trying to make plans for myself and the kids.

I have never put him 2nd though...never ever...he was the one not spending enough time with me...i never had to choose between my kids and him...he was always missing...working nights...
I think he wanted to know if i want to get back with him only because of the kids...weird because i made it clear to him numerous times that I LOVE HIM.....WTF?!

Sorrry, never meant to come across as you had him second (or lower) on the affection ladder.

Quote:

In my head all day i have been envisioning me without him...for the 1st time...it's hard but i'm trying to make plans for myself and the kids.

Yeah, sort of like that for me, thinking I am going to not get back with W any time soon if at all.

Well the downside of emailing/texting? Too easy to misread emotions, feelings, etc. Too open for mis-interpretations. Even phone calls can be like that. I choose face to face conversation whenever possible.

But Vivea, I swear, your husband and my husband must know each other, be related or something, because they are both the same. Idk Bipolar disorder? Seriously, one day my husband says the same thing, with the exception of adding the too young excuse. "I like my freedom. I can't be tied down with all these responsibilities. I need my space. I'm too young, and never had much experience . . ." blah blah blah. Then when its time for confrontation, he needs to touch me, wants to kiss me, etc. Like a crazy. This yo yo is so detrimental to us Vivea. Makes us crazy, seriously. I think its good you kept it neutral. Im trying to be that way too. I give you kudos for that. I have no idea how to progress from here on out. Sometimes I think it would've been easier if he did cheat. I have zero tolerance for a cheating husband or even boyfriend for that matter. The pain would still be there, but the yoyo effect would be out of the picture.Posted via Mobile Device

Sakaye...yeah well...the truth is H. never told me he wants me back ...he said it's wrong what he is doing a few times...says a lot that he is confused but the truth is he never told me he loves me,at least not in a romantic meaning .

Today i was thinking ....the truth is I am so very disappointed in him that I'm not sure anymore I want him back. I think i will struggle big time if we get back together.I'm sad but i discovered that I'm more sad for the kids than for myself.

I still haven't heard from him and i think he will call in an hour before he goes to work and i'm dreading that call not because he will tell me again NO but because i really do not want to hear his voice.
I'm actually not sure if i'll pick up the phone !I'd rather him send me an Email,because i think when he writes the words he can feel them and he deserves to feel them.

Please do not call me anymore,obviously to you is like a horrible obligation ...and you can tell .
If you would like to tell me anything(you final) about our relationship, please do so in an Email.
From now on the calls will be only for the kids.

Sakaye...yeah well...the truth is H. never told me he wants me back ...he said it's wrong what he is doing a few times...says a lot that he is confused but the truth is he never told me he loves me,at least not in a romantic meaning .

Today i was thinking ....the truth is I am so very disappointed in him that I'm not sure anymore I want him back. I think i will struggle big time if we get back together.I'm sad but i discovered that I'm more sad for the kids than for myself.

Damn Girl we are in exactly the same relationship He tells me he loves me but not 'In love' with me, that he cares about me (HA)
He's said he's confused, now he's saying he's not... I bloody am

I feel the same, I feel strong one day and think I deserve better, then the following I miss he him so damn much!

The stupid thing is.. I don't see him, I don't really talk to him, why am I missing him so much? I just can't pretend he doesn't exist..

__________________
Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. . . . It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more.

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