My Life in Shoes: So expensive, the price is a secret

I was looking at a Vogue Paris slideshow on the 30 shoes you need for fall when I came upon a jaw-droppingly beautiful pair of Louis Vuitton platform sandals constructed from a “Dramatic lizard skin.” Where the cost should have been, it said “price upon application.”

Application.

Let that sink in. “Application,” as in taking out a loan or a second mortgage on your house, which, I'm guessing, is what you'd have to do to afford these shoes. Most likely, they do a credit check to see if you are worthy of the shoes. (I'm pretty sure I am.)

Anyway, I did a little “investigative journalism” – something apparently beyond the scope of the intrepid journalistes at Vogue Paris – and sent a note to the press folks at Louis Vuitton asking for the price.

Here is what they said:

“The price for the Dramatic Ankle Strap Sandal in Waxed python (decidedly NOT ‘lizard' as Vogue said) is $1,720.00 USD. Please note that prices are current as of the date of this email and are subject to change.”

$1,720?!?

I love beautiful clothing and accessories as much as the next woman, but I have a hard time believing I would do it even if I had a gabazillion dollars to spend on shoes. (Of course, in the interest of scientific rigor and investigation, I am willing to sacrifice myself by testing my resolve. All I need is a tax-free gift of a gabazillion dollars and I will try to resist buying the shoes. Just send me an email. Or hit me up on Facebook, you know, whatevs.)

The Louis Vuitton black sandals are truly beautiful shoes. Part of the cost is because they are made of “waxed Python” – which is actually illegal to sell here in California (also it really upsets PETA). With a pretty profile, high straight heel, a sweeping arch and drool-worthy incline, they are the stuff of dreams, dreams that cost so much it's a secret! (Well, not anymore, because I just told you the price.)

Funny thing is, the shoe in question – while objectively gorgeous – isn't that different looking from other shoes. Now before you send me letters, I realize that quality, engineering and materials used (waxed python!) contribute to the high cost of designer footwear.

But c'mon, they are a platform ankle-strap sandal (a big trend in shoes this fall and likely into the spring); they don't even include “velour calfskin, Plexiglas and fur” of the Sonia Rykiel evening sandals also featured in the slideshow. (Yep, “price upon application” there, too. Remember when buying shoes used to be easy?)

Sure, it's on trend and is so classic you probably could get your money's worth of wear out of it for years.

But just in case you don't have a trust fund – or the ability to quickly unload your yacht so you can qualify to apply for the price of what I will from here on refer to as “The Shoes” – a quick spin through Google turned up a similar style of shoe in a variety of prices, from a $50 silver pair by Chinese Laundry to a $99 model from Steve Madden to my favorites (surprise), a $1,000 pair by Jimmy Choo.

At the end of the day, it isn't what you pay for a piece of fashion (or what deal with the devil you make, because at this point I'm pretty sure that's the only way to get “The Shoes”) – it's how you wear it that matters and what makes it you.