Senior staff at the BBC have said that Andy Marr has “positively absolutely definitely NOT got permission to leave that stupid green scooter outside the front fucking door.”

The revelation comes after compliance officers investigated complaints that Marr has a God-complex.

On reviewing footage from the opening sequence of the Andrew Marr show, they noticed it clearly depicts the reporter abandoning the bike on the pavement outside the main entrance, before pushing past other colleagues, slapping the receptionist, and sauntering over to Studio 1.

Lord Tony Hall, Director General, said “Junior staff feel bad enough that they’re getting screwed over because of culture secretary John Whittingdale’s ideological attempt to crush the BBC into the dust from whence it came.

“But when star reporters like Andy ‘face-ache’ Marr start leaving their cars and scooters wherever they want, queue-jumping in the canteen, and shitting on the mousemats of lowly colleagues, everyone gets jealous and pissed off.

“Bugger, that sounded like I was mocking him because of the whole stroke thing didn’t it? Look, when I said ‘faceache’ I meant because he looks like the uglier twin brother of Vladimir Putin, I wasn’t making fun of his medical disability. Oh shit…”

Marr refused to comment on allegations that his head is now too large to fit through ordinary doors. When invited to interview he drove a tractor through the front wall of TMB’s London office then pissed all over the carpet.

He then scrawled ‘I am Andy fucking Marr’ on the wall in permanent marker and buggered off to the pub.