I asked my 7 year-old cousin to write me a note to remind me to take home my ring that I left at her house. I was thinking that no matter where she left the note, I'd eventually see it and then go fetch my ring from my aunt's jewelry box.

I was at her house 3 days ago. I found this inside my bag today.

Yes, that is written in lime green crayon - on a little corner of a piece of paper.

Also known as Tactless Bitch.

She waltzes into my office suite to talk to one of my office neighbors, "Today's Election Day." Because, evidently, he must be the only person in America who doesn't know. She continues, "Mitt Romney and Scott Brown are like monsters to me. I mean, even if we were just in a room together and I met them, I wouldn't like them."

I should have interjected, "Hey, Bitch. Keep your fucking politics to yourself. Have some class and save that shit for a more appropriate place." (Like a critically-acclaimed blog such as mine.)

OR:

“Yeah, you don’t have to worry about that. If they were ever in the same room as you, they’d get the fuck out of there. So you wouldn’t even have any time to meet them.”

OR:

“Hey, Bitch. I voted for Mitt and Scott. I’M A MOTHAFUCKING MONSTAAAHHHH!!!!!” (Since we’re in Boston, I would drop the R.)

What you have so far is good. However, as always, there is much that can be improved upon. I attached a client proposal for you to review. We would like to have one of our editors spend two hours editing your academic statement of purpose. The editor will be focusing on how to make your statement as compelling as possible including making structural changes and pointing out some helpful additions you can make. Then we will return your edited statement to you so you can make revisions. Then you can send it back to us to have the editor spend one more hour reviewing your statement to make it perfect.

As your statement stands, you answer the questions well. But with our help we will be able to connect your answers together to create a better narrative flow. We edit many statements of purpose and our clients have a very good success rate and getting into their choice programs.

We hope to be able to work together. Please let us know if you have any questions. Feel free to call us at 617-555-2855.

Best,Daniel

Editors

p: 617.555.2855web: www.editors.com

EditorsStreet, City, MA www.editors.comProject Proposal/Quote

Client NameMs. Soup

DateNovember 1, 2012

Project DescriptionAcademic Statement of Purpose

Projected Project QuoteLine by line edit:

Address grammar, spelling, punctuation, and word choice, including marginal comments suggesting changes to style and organization of the section.

Address potential ESL challenges(restructuring sentences and working closely with syntax and meaning)

3 hours of work

Rate: $60/hour

Estimated total: $180

Grand Total: $180

Projected Project TimelineCompleted edit to be returned to client by TBD.

Dear Whitney,We are sorry that remained in the proposal. Some scholars and applicants of all sorts study, write and apply to schools here, and yet make an occasional grammatical error because English is not their first language. We have that in our template to cover such occasions--you obviously will not require it.Please let us know if we can be of extra help.Best regards,Dr. Editor

* * * *

If their services were cheaper, I would've immediately agreed to do business with them after getting their email (from a doctor), acknowledging my being offended, and trying to make it up to me. I mean, I was so touched.(I am not being sarcastic.)