Dion Waiters

[We’ve got the Trade Deadline Podcast up! Slim and I react to all this hooblah as this post continues to be updated – you can find the Pod the post below this one as well as that link.]

Razzball Nation!

The Trade Deadline is nigh, which is to say, soon. Can I trade the start of this open with a different one…? “Did you hear the one about how the Hawks got nothing for the broke ass of Josh Smith last trade deadline?!” Imagine the Hawks with a lottery pick as well… I guess as fortune-tellers, they knew they didn’t need anything for Smoove!

The 2015 NBA Trade Deadline will pass at 3:00 PM EST, and up until the closing moments, I’ll be updating this post as each trade moves across my virtual news desk. Fantasy spins galore! That’s the younger sister of Pussy Galore… So be sure to constantly ping that refresh like Goldfinger on Kitco! Here’s what’s gone down so far:

Basketball is back baby! The NBA season returns from the All-Star Break tonight after four-and-a-half months off… Maybe hyperbolic, but certainly feels that way!

And right as games start, we’ve got the NBA Trade Deadline passing this afternoon at 3:00 PM EST. That was fast! We’ve got a big day of trade analysis, with a live post that will go up around 1:00 PM-ish EST and get frequently updated to track all of the last-minute trades as they go down, then a slightly later podcast record time with our special edition Trade Deadline Razzball Basketball Podcast up sometime around 4:00-4:30 PM EST. It’s all hoops all afternoon!

With these big changes about to ripple through the fantasy hoops landscape, the biggest news from over the break is probably the most anti-climatic – Carmelo Anthony has been officially shutdown. “3P0 – Shut down all the garbage smashers on the detention level!” “No! Shut them ALL down, hurry!” Pretty apt to The Poppycockers shituation, amiright?! We’ve known Melo was about to be Melba Toast sometime around the break, and now the swift gavel of realism has hit (huh? weird metaphor day! I’m rusty OK?!). Langston Galloway, who has probably been picked up in most leagues (and subsequently dropped in some after struggling) should likely be scooped up. He’s not going to do anything too special, but his career-high in shots (19) was in a Melo-less game and should give you some low-TO guard stats. Tim Hardaway Jr. also gets a bit of a boost, but he does absolutely nothing beyond score and trey. Would be a nice, high-minute ThrAGNOF! But those ain’t got no face… So I’m not married to Timmy J at all even if he starts hot with Melo now gone. Here’s what else has gone down since we left for the break:

As we gear up for the All-Star break next week, owners should pay extra attention to their daily lineups. Guys that are typically playing through minor injuries could miss a game or two, as teams try to give them some extra rest before heading into the second half of the season.

There are already quite a few guys who have played their last game prior to the All-Star break. Sidelined for the last five games, Rockets’ center Dwight Howard is expected to miss about a month after undergoing a bone marrow injection in is right knee. The Rockets plan to reevaluate him in four weeks, in hopes that his knee responds well to this treatment. Howard just can’t catch a break. He’s only played in 32 of the Rockets’ 49 games this season.

The Rockets frontcourt is very crowded, but Howard’s injury should help alleviate some of the playing time issues. Joey Dorsey and Donatas Motiejunas should continue to start, while Terrence Jones and Josh Smith will see plenty of time off the bench.

Right now, Kings games from here on out can be perfectly embodied by a The Ben Stiller Show skit. Such an underrated show (couldn’t find the clip on Youtube, it’s too old!). Andy Dick is on the bomb squad, gets to the bomb, then starts doing ridiculous things while the 10 seconds counts down that take a lot longer than 10 seconds… Cooks lunch, changes a baby, shizz like that. All the while the countdown clicks down unfathomably slow, until it’s at 1 and blows him up. Man, it’s hard to describe things when there’s not a video for it! 3rd Century problems…

Well, losing a quality PG like Darren Collison in the second quarter never helps (abdominal strain – getting an MRI today. Good thing he’s not a baseball player, he’d be out two months!), but the Kings are a bigger failed experiment than that prison Stanford thing after getting bludgeoned by the Dirk-less, Rondo-less Mavs. Too many good players to be this bad! Boogie turns it over too much, Gay isn’t working next to him, and the abyss that is the starting PF can’t be all to blame. At 17-31, that’s NOT how the West was won… Gay and Cuz make a lot of dough, but Colly playing this well on a 3-year $15 mil deal is starting to look mighty tasty to potential suitors. If he gets through this ab MRI with nothing worse than a “nice six pack” prognosis, I think it’s about time to sell. Of course Derrick Williams would be nice to dump, and, well, anyone else not named Ben McLemore (who is taking a nice step forward) would be awesome for SAC to kick out. A nice kick in the SAC is what the Kings need! Here’s what else went down last night in fantasy hoops action:

Man, who woulda thought the Bucks without Brandon Knight (sat with minor injuries) would’ve been able to beat the Raptors last night?! I figured that big Jurassic Park reboot trailer during the Super Bowl would have pumped the Raps up! Well, I guess Canadians don’t really watch the Super Bowl, so their loss!

And while the 82-75 win was a defensive grinder, it didn’t slow down that impressive O from The Duchess K Middleton! 25/9/1/3/0 for Khris Middleton, hitting 10-17 FG (3-4 3PTM 2-2 FT) and only 1 TO. All that with Jorge Gutierrez as the fill-in starting PG! It didn’t matter though, since they had a JB waiting in the wings as well… But more there later. With 25 Pts last night, K-Midd is 17+ points in 4 of 5 and 3+ treys in 4 of 5. And multi-steals in 4 of 5 for good measure as well! Even though a lot of the counting stats are lower than the breakout last year, so are the minutes and the %s are much better. But my favorite leap is 1.0 steals in 30 minutes last year to a whopping 1.5 in only 26 this year. The Duchess is secretly a world-class thief! I think Keira Knightley could star in that movie. Larry Drew could be the evil drug lord! Maybe Ersan Ilyasova can be a Turkish arms dealer. The script is writing itself! Here’s what else went down last night in fantasy basketball action:

Woooo-ie! When I think about why I’ve had such a bad past four weeks, it became easy to forget just how good Kawhi Leonard is! My deep league REL squad (20 team, 340 players owned) couldn’t handle the loss and I went into a Nicolas Cage Leaving Las Vegas tailspin of drinkery. But I’m back baby! Unfortunately not with Elisabeth Shue though…

Hitting the glass harder than a Coloradoan at a dispensary, Kawhi gobbled down 15 boards in a 17/15/3/2/1 line hitting 6-13 FG, three treys and 2-2 FT. All is right with the world! No fear in that hand, and no other Spurs player had more than 5 boards. Box out, Jamba Jus! I’ve been a big Kawhi fan his whole career, and I’m still eagerly awaiting the day Pop decides he will finally run Kawhi for 35 MPG. Hasn’t gotten to 31 in his three games back from the hand injury, and while the minutes are up this year, it’s still only 32 MPG on the season. Give him the Jimmy Butler treatment! And then we’re talking some no-brainer first round shizz. Maybe the big workload will happen once the vets are gone and Pop will be forced to play his superstar, but maybe Pop likes playing his hockey line changes. At least we can look back on Tim Duncan who was playing 39 MPG his first 6 seasons. Let the stars play! Either way, it’s just good to have Kawhi back. Here’s what else went down on a short night of NBA action:

The race to see who will be the biggest historical figure from NYC named Langston!

In his first career start, another D-League darling in Langston Galloway had a career-high 21 points in a 21/5/3/0/0 line hitting 8-14 FG and 3-6 from deep. Probably the best stat from yesterday is that the Knicks are undefeated in Galloway starts. Kid doesn’t know how to lose! Starting a little bit out-of-position at the 2 guard, the Knicks seem intent on giving him minutes and seeing what they have. He played 31 yesterday to Jose Calderon‘s 23 minutes of rock-bottom garbage and Shane Larkin only popped up for 15. Definitely going Galloway over Larkin, I was on that side of the argument even last week, but is it crazy to roll the dice on Langston over terrible-aroni Calderoni? I would probably take Galloway unless a desperate need for assists-upside. Plus Calderon makes perfect sense as a trade candidate given the Knicks’ direction. Notice how I said Knicks. And not Poppycockers. Because they won a game! I’m giving our New York readers a day of respite… Keep the losses coming, Knicks, I wanna keep doling out the Poppycockers joke the rest of the year! Here’s what else has gone down since we last checked in on Friday in fantasy basketball action:

What a game in London! One of the biggest franchises in the NBA, losers of 15 straight heading into yesterday’s international soiree, were the heavy underdogs to the Bucks. Yikes.

Best player in the game? Probably my boyfriend! Brandon Knight went all Guy Ritchie on the Knicks for 6 Snatches and a 20/5/6/6/0 line. Hit two threes and continues to be a FT% beast with 6-6 from the stripe. Really the only annoying thing about Knight right now is he only had one game this week! Friggin’ Brits. Stealing our ideas like “sovereignty” and “not beheading people”. Black Mirror is pretty dope though! There is one thing about Knight that is actually a little concerning – papi no likey el TO! 3.4 per game with another 3 yesterday. But so far in Janurary – very small sample bias – they’re down a tad. Really like Knight ROS, and as a possible husband. Here’s what else went down last night in fantasy basketball action:

[NOTE – I’ll be out of town Monday, so I’ll be back with the weekend/Monday recap on Tuesday!]

Who doesn’t remember Remember the Titans? “If you have to remind people what the joke in the title is from, it sucks JB!” Thanks ghost of Grey! I’ll work on improving the rest of the week if you can sneak in and Hollow Man me a mustache ride.

Hard to believe Remember the Titans is so old. Who woulda thought Will Patton’s annoying ass daughter would be getting torn apart by some monster Russian boxer. “I must break you.” And who woulda thought a guy who had bounced around the D league, played in China, barely played in 2011-12 the last time we saw him in the NBA, would break fantasy basketball waiver wires?! Hassan Whiteside absolutely tore apart the Clippers Klitschko-style for 23/16/0/2/2 yesterday afternoon, in case you missed it and weren’t watching NBA. Not like there was any other sport with important games on… Mr. Whiteside hit 10-13 FG and 3-4 FT (although he’s not the best FT shooter), and most importantly started the second half over Chris Andersen. Birdman had bid flu with a -17 +/- and Whiteside was brightside for +26. No disparity there! And somehow Slim’s Heat won. I’d be very surprised if Whiteside doesn’t start tomorrow against the Lakers, and he’s leap-frogged a lot of the fringy big men. Alex Len is so then! Jordan Hill can take a chill pill! Jusuf Nurkic can… Nope, he’s still Jamba Jus! Love my smoothies… But Hassan is likely a must-own in all leagues. Hopefully you grabbed him yesterday or can this morning, so your bigs can tear apart your opponents Klitschko-style. Here’s what else went down over the weekend in fantasy basketball action:

Yesterday afternoon was a frenzy! A frenzy because no Mozzy! About as crazy as I was last Saturday about Fozzy! Go Panthers!

Our prayers have been answered with Timofey Mozgov getting shipped out to Cleveland for two first round picks. Two first-rounders?! For Healthcare.Mozgov?! Well, they’re like controlled picks from Memphis in some sort of hooblah where all that matters is they’re not going to be very high. Not as high as say, Afroman! Or 16th! That’s where Jusuf Nurkic went in the first round this Summer, originally picked by the Bulls then traded. Good thing for Nurkic! It originally seemed really muddied there in Denver at C, but JaVale McGee just can’t get healthy, and Mozgov couldn’t go 3 minutes before getting multiple fouls. So out ya go TinaFey, and huge role ahead for Nurkic! At least 35 minutes every night given how good he’s been! Andddddddd, only 22 minutes for 8/4/3/1/2 last night. Still respectable numbers though! Given one of his made FGs was this. To quote my favorite sound from 90s gaming, “Oopsie!” Or whatever he really says… Anyway, J.J. Hickson is still there to give us a headache, as he went 11/10/1/2/1 in 30 solid minutes. Yikes. I still love me some Nurkic, and to the patient man goes the spoils! Something like that… Kinda lost in all of this yesterday was Hickson’s deep league value shooting up. He’s not a terrible player for some Pts/Reb relief in a very poor man’s Zach Randolph kinda way now that minutes should be coming. While many owners are mad they didn’t scoop Nurkic up quick enough, shoot out some buy lows with who you would’ve dropped, and maybe last night’s dud is enough to sneak Jamba Jus into your Mini-mall. That sounds so wrong… Here’s what else went down on a busy night of NBA action: