They
say the mind is a terrible thing to waste. I can agree with that, but
what if you never had a mind to begin with? I'm not talking about
people with mental difficulties, because they have a mind they can
have trouble with. I'm talking about the ones in your dreams, the
ones who float by, seemingly hypnotized by whatever is driving them
forward. I've always been fascinated by them, but not once have I
given them any serious thought…until now, that is. I guess you
really can't call this any serious thoughts either, since these are
just tired ramblings of a teenager who really should get to bed
instead of writing this.

Whenever
I fall asleep, I have moments of lucidity where I feel I know
absolutely everything and can see everything. Of course, that feeling
is just a figment of my imagination, conjured up by my
ever-struggling brain as it tries to keep a hold of the conscious
world; as if it's afraid to sink into the darkness…maybe it's
afraid of them.

I don't
know if you're going to bother reading this, but I feel the need to
ask you: have you seen them? The shapeless, eyeless forms that travel
by you in speeds you can never even hope to achieve? The ones who
somehow seem to be able to stare at you without really staring at
you? If you haven't, then you should be glad, because those things
scare me enough to sometimes fear falling asleep. I know it sounds
crazy, but something I can't grasp, imagine or communicate with is
far more frightening than any kind of pain, torture or war can.

Am
I a coward? Does fearing to fall asleep qualify me for that? Or is it
another way of expressing negativity without anyone else getting
hurt? I just don't get it. The Beings, I've decided to call them
that, seems to be driven by something wicked, or just plain evil.
When they travel by me, they usually jerk to the sides and generally
shamble, which somehow makes me believe they're zombies of some
kind…but since I know that zombies don't exist, why am I
making that comparison? Is it the movement, or that great void of any
intelligent thought?

If you
haven't clicked this thing away yet, I must, somehow, have
intrigued you…why? Never mind, don't answer; I have a habit of
asking questions no one answers anyway.

The
Beings never say anything, they're just…staring, and stare with
no eyes is creepy, horrifying even. Sometimes they look directly at
me, sometimes just in my general direction. When they look at me,
specifically into my eyes, I get a sense of dread, like nothing will
ever be okay, like the world is going to go under or move on without
me. Spending eternity in a dark tunnel with The Beings is a prospect
I don't want to think about. Suddenly, they are gone, and I find
myself in the lovely little dream world that my mind actually likes,
and I can relax. I dream of anything, really. Being a famous
guitarist in a metal band, climbing mountains, being a resident in an
asylum. Yes, you read right. I have dreams of being a permanent
patient in an institution. The orderlies? The Beings, of course. At
this stage, my mind decides to go crazy, making my dream-self
convulse and shake, desperate to get away from the strange, soulless
creatures that for some reason want everything and nothing to do with
me. It's unnerving, and I can't for the life of me figure out why
this is.

It's
usually at this stage I wake up, another moment of clarity upon me
before hearing the blaring alarm-clock…but sometimes, the dreaming
doesn't end here. Sometimes, the "dream" will last for hours,
The Beings ever there, staring with their non-existent eyes. I ask
you again, am I going insane? Or maybe I already am and just haven't
realised it yet…hehe, I'm confusing myself. Is that a good thing?
I mean, if I can keep my mind occupied with trying to figure this
out, then maybe I can ignore The Beings, releasing their hold on me.

Then
again, The Beings never did have a hold on me…after all;
they're just looking at me, not holding me down or anything. If I
am somehow able to ignore them, is it possible for me to get rid of
them altogether? No, I don't think so. For as long as I can
remember I've been able to see them, and I expect I will see them
long after I am gone…depressing thought, really, since it entails
that I will never be able to have a night's sleep without being
terrified to start one. Imagine it, a fifty-year old man with balding
hair and a beer gut afraid to fall asleep, almost to the point of
tears. Hideous sight, no? I hope it won't come to that, but if
does, then it does, and there's nothing I can do to stop it.

The
Beings don't like me; I can feel their hatred, pulsating inside
their rotting, hollow bodies. I don't know why they do, though,
since I've never done anything to upset them apart from just…being
there. Maybe it's just meant to be.

I can feel
my eyes drooping and that familiar feeling of fear coming over me.
Maybe I'll just fall asleep here, in front of my computer and
Stargate SG-1 running in the background…I know it's usually on at
this hour. Yup, it is, I just checked.

My
heart is beating fast now, because I spotted something in the corner
of my eye as I was reaching for the remote for my TV. It looked like
one of them, but that's impossible since they only exist in
dreams…right? Have you ever seen them? Their appearance is hard to
describe, but you will know what I'm talking about if you actually
have seen them…I can't see you, so I'll assume you're
shaking your head. It's okay, no one else I've told about this
have seen them either, so I guess they're just something that
exists on my head.

And
with that sentence, I've just answered my own question. I really am
going insane, slowly but surely. The Being in my room right now
confirms it. It has been building up in a while, but I guess it
hasn't really been that bad until now.

I'm
afraid, you know, very afraid. Afraid that if I turn around right now
it's going to be there, staring at me once again. I'm also afraid
of what will happen when I slumber with this…this thing…still in
my room.

Are
you scared? I hope not, for it was not my intention to scare you, I
just wanted to make you aware of what I'm going through…and it's
not for pity's sake either, I just wanted…someone to know. Surely
you must understand. Ff you've fallen and broke your leg and have
to spend a long time in bed, you call your friends and complain,
don't you? I wouldn't know, I've never broken my leg.

The
Being, I've decided to name him Jack, is making some kind of
hissing noise now, maybe annoyed at the way I'm pointedly ignoring
him. Jack seems to be of the more impatient character. He stopped
now. Huh…strange, he's gone. Maybe he grew tired of me and my
crazy thoughts, as I'm sure you have right now, so I will leave
this at that and brave another night's sleep. Maybe I will bring a
report…maybe I won't, either way, consider these thoughts as
finished. Thank you for reading and, hopefully, understanding.

-Andy

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