Sunday, 1 May 2011

I've been having a lot of personal problems lately when it comes to relationships. I love arguing almost as much as I love being stabbed in the face. On a plus side... I think you get to know what others think of you because that's when the truth really does come out.

Someone extremely close to me called me a 'follower' because I always change my mind over who I am or who I intend to be. As much as his words upset me... I think it obviously hit a nerve because that's all I can think about it. I could not sleep last night thinking of it.

I've been around and around my mind and picked out all of the memories of when I avoided being myself. I did it to fit in or avoid bitch fits from other people. Truthfully, I know that if I become the 'real me' then I will lose this person almost instantly.

I've come to the conclusion that he was right. I have been following. I've followed others to avoid being hurt or cast out as a weirdo or a freak.

I want to avoid being part of the crowd. I want to take a risk and fight for my opinions and be who I really am without worrying who will hate me or who will never speak to me again.

If being myself means losing those I love... then those I love didn't love me in the first place.