Let’s face it. It’s 2013. If by now you personally have not been involved in online dating, chances are pretty dang high that you know someone who has. So, what’s the deal with online dating?

In our busy lives we still yearn and long for a person to person connection. But it can be intimidating to go up to a relative stranger and just strike up a conversation. One of the great benefits (which might also be a downfall) of online dating is that you can create a profile to showcase all the great things that make you you. The reason I say it can also be a downfall is that it’s pretty rare that anyone would be upfront about the less than great sides of themselves.

What makes a good impression? What gets people interested enough to reach out and send a message or respond to one?

It’s very important when taking that great leap to make an effort. It really comes through in text. A well-constructed, thought out message is more likely to get a positive reception. You have to show you read the other person’s profile. Comment on something that stuck out to you, ask them a question based on what you read. There is no way for me to guarantee that you’ll get a response, but putting in a small amount of effort really makes it more appealing to respond as compared with vague and terribly constructed messages of “Hey sweety. How u doin?” Ew. I don’t know about you, maybe I’m too picky, but those kinds of messages read to me as “Creeper” and make my skin crawl.

Don’t send a message asking whether I live near certain streets – this makes me feel unsafe and threatened, as though I’m being stalked.

Don’t share your number in the first message, asking me to text you.

Do ask genuine questions about me and my interests.

Do strike up a (respectful) conversation based on some of the match questions or other things we might have in common.

Other than those few suggestions, it’s important to have at least a few current photos of yourself that are well-lit and as accurate as possible. Having blurry or outdated pictures is inexcusable in this day and age. And who do you think you’re fooling? If you plan on meeting someone, they are going to see what you really look like in person anyway. Take it somewhat seriously, but have fun at the same time. Fill out all the sections and try to portray yourself as accurately as possible. Hopefully, you’ll soon be meeting plenty of wonderful potential partners!

I am a board member and volunteer educator with Center for Positive Sexuality, a 501c3 nonprofit whose mission is to promote recognition and acceptance of sexual and gender diversity to individuals, groups, and communities through education and research. We do outreach educational panels and research sexuality, kink, and gender, and we are 100% volunteer-run. Your donation is tax deductible!