Where and When did you meet your significant other?

So, I'm a year or so out of a long term relationship that was heading towards marriage. I had gotten scared and walked out on it, after all, I was only 22 and we were both still in school.

So, after having something like that, with someone I wanted to spend my life with, I'm having a hard time meeting new people. A majority of my social life is heading out to bars with friends. I've met plenty of nice girls at bars that are fun for a little time, but not someone I would ever want to date/marry.

I'm still holding onto the "dream" of just bumping into a woman at the grocery store and dating, then getting married. Not that exact scenario, but you know what I'm saying, when you least expect it.

So at 23, I know I'm still young, but I feel after having this 3/4 year relationship I know what a great relationship feels like and I'm not looking for those 1 nighters anymore. Of the 5 friends I hang out with every weekend, only one other has been in a relationship like me, and he's treating it by going after everything and anything. Dude probably has the clap, but oh well, that's how he's dealing with his breakup.

Anyway, give me some stories. I know I need to be heading to the bookstore, cafes, concerts, etc. It's kind of hard to hang out with people my age, being out of school now. I've actually considered heading back, for this reason alone. I had to move back in with my parents in a town where the lowest price on a single family home is about 900K, needless to say, not many people my age around here, and if they are, they are living with parents and trying to find a way to move to another area, or at least out of their house.

Yes, I'm a few drinks deep. I apologize for using a Mac website for relationship advice...

I met mine at a Christmas party last year and we started dating about two months after that. I wasn't looking for someone at the time and was fine being single.

Don't get too caught up in romance movie meeting spots. You can meet someone almost anywhere including the bar. Its curious that you mentioned that a large part of your social life is at bars--yet you seem to think that meeting *girls* at bars is somehow less desirable than at the grocery store. Since you're at the bar, does that mean you are less desirable as well and only "fun for a little time"?

In the past, it never seemed to quite work when I actually went through a phase where I was actively looking for someone. You've only been single for 1 year after presumably being in a relationship for quite a while. Why not just enjoy going out and being single? Are you on a schedule?

I'm still single and unattached, but when my parents first met my dad's opening line was "I think we're like two peas in a pod." (spoken in the posh British accent he had at the time.. it's weakened since then) and that was that. Still married after 31 years.

The "where" doesn't matter so much. It's what you do after the meeting.

When I first met this one girl, she appeared to me as a vision of perfection defined. We talked for a bit, seemed to be getting along, so I asked her out. She politely (but clearly) declined. "Well, why not?" I ask. She told me that if I got my hair trimmed, shaved, and got a new shirt, she'd go out with me.

To be fair, I did have long hair, it did need some attention, I did need a shave, and I was wearing my working-on-the-car-engine shirt, so it needed some help as well. (TBH, I wasn't planning on meeting anyone at that time, so I was in touch with my inner ogre).

When I saw her next, with my fresh hair, no stubble, and new(ish) shirt, she was surprised I took the effort. When I asked her to go out again, she agreed.

Been married now for 30 years.

There is no magic in the locale, the music playing, the time of day. Once you both have decided a relationship is worthwhile, the magic in that relationship comes from the effort you both put into it.

While walking down the street with a few of my buddies back in the 80's, I caught sight of a hot woman coming towards us. I told my buddies, "There's my future ex-wife." She passed by barely noticing us, but I had a bad case of "bikini whiplash." My buddies ridiculed with the usual, "Outta your league," "In your dreams," "Yeah, and Satan will be skating to work that day" and so on.

Months went by, I roamed the same street hoping to meet up with her. No dice. But fortune smiled. Call it Fate, call it Serendipity, call it what you will; but at my cousin's wedding, I saw her again. Happy, happy, joy, joy. We got to talking and it turns out her mom was friends with my mom. Apparently, Mum's been ragging on me to her friend. Her daughter, who sat in on the gripe session, found the tales regaling. She said she wanted to hear the facts straight from the horse's mouth. Apparently, Mom's unflattering accounts of me was why we started dating.

A few years later, Ms. "Right" and I got married. True to tradition, she changed her name. But instead of taking my last name, she changed her first name to "Always." Just kidding. I couldn't have gotten luckier.

I met my fiance my freshman year of high school (he was a junior). We started dating a year later when I was 15. We will be getting married this New Year's Eve.

I'm 22, he's almost 25, and I can't even begin to imagine walking away from our relationship. Sure, I'm scared that we might be making a mistake on some level, but I still think it's the right thing for us now.

Its just a matter of how you feel about things. Don't try to rush anything just because you are wanting to settle down.

Grocery store... she was a cashier, I was a stocker. I made a rude comment asking for change. She was flustered. Later during the same shift, I asked her out. I don't know why she said yes. We've been together ever since.

Seriously, the best way to meet someone special is to not focus on it, but instead focus on yourself. I'm not talking about being selfish, but working to become the best possible version of yourself that you can. Take the freedom and lack of responsibilities that you have now to work towards goals you have. Get in shape, eat healthy, make new friends, learn new skills, take up fun hobbies/activities, etc. etc..

When you are confident in who you and comfortable with yourself then other people will be drawn to you. The goal is not to find the right person, but to become the right person. Then when the unexpected meeting or introduction does occur you will be ready and she will be interested and responsive.

The other reason this is so important is that developing a lasting relationship is about first focusing on your partners needs and not your own. So, focus on yourself now so that when the time comes you can focus solely on her and make the relationship the best it can be.

Edit:
As for me and my wife. We met in college and started dating shortly after my previous girlfriend of over a year broke up with me. I thought I was going to marry the other girl and was feeling a lot like you after the break up. Then my wife entered the picture and she's the best thing that ever happened to me. We've been together now for over 11 years.

I lived in Vegas primarily at that time, and she was flying through from Sacramento to Salt Lake City to visit her father. Her flight involved a change of planes, so she asked for assistance (she's blind with her guide dog) to the next gate for her plane. The assistants took her to the right gate number, wrong terminal. Missed her flight, and the next one wasn't for another 4 1/2 hours.

Called me in a panic, because she was hungry, didn't know or trust anyone there, and the dog had to be relieved. Drove down, picked her up, greeted her first before the dog (very important to do if you meet someone who is blind with a service animal), found some grass (read: UNLV) for the dog to do her duty, got them both fed and calmed down, walked around the Forum Shops, and escorted her personally to her gate.

week later, she came back through on her way to Sacramento, met her at the gate, did the same thing, escorted her back to her plane, and got her home safe.

two weeks later, started dating. Moved to Sacramento 6 months later. Been together since. That was a little under 7 years ago.

I met my wife when I was TDY to Indianapolis for a military school I was taking. I met her at a bar. We stared at each other off and on all night. I watched her dance a couple of dances with others guys all the time watching that little black dress swirl around the floor.
Frankie Goes to Hollywood's Relax came on and I walked over and asked her to dance. We hit the floor and didn't come off for several songs. She said I usually don't do this, but here is my number.
We went out the next night and the next three weekend nights. 6 dates total.
I flew back to Germany and my 7-year-old daughter. I got there and called her to tell her I got back. We started talking on the phone and writing letters. Talking and writing, talking and writing.
I took a military hop with my daughter back to the states and then a flight to Daytona Beach where my parents lived. I flew her down to meet my parents and daughter. As we walked on the beach I asked her to marry me. She said yes. I told her, from the minute I saw her I knew we were going to get married. She told me the exact same thing.
20 years later....

My wife and I met online - and my account had only been active for about two hours. We talked for two weeks before meeting in person - she lived in Austin, and I was in Dallas. About a month of dating I spent the day with her in her classroom and saw her interacting with the kindergarteners, and I knew then I was going to marry her. That was eight years ago, been married for six.

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