Let’s face it, every heterosexual girl and every homosexual bloke wants the same thing… a good man who exudes enough chemistry to make you want to rip all your clothes off and sit on his face lap. Add to that a certain charm, bravery and courage, and you’ve suddenly got the perfect guy. Or have you? What if I was to tell you that you need some spandex as well? Confused? Keep reading…

Several years ago, during the course of my work as a PR girl, I came face-to-face with a buff bloke in a red lycra suit, black spankies and a hair-do so quaffed, it wouldn’t move a millimetre in a category five hurricane. I fancied the [shiny] pants off him. Yup, ‘superhero’ Major Victory – his description, not mine – was very delectable indeed. I was so aroused, I spent a full bank holiday weekend locked indoors watching him cavort on the SCI FI channel (as it was then called) in the most bizarre reality TV show – ever. It was the brain child of comic book legend Stan Lee (which explained a lot!).

Suddenly, that old Bonnie Tyler track seemed almost phrophetic: ‘I need a hero / I’m holding out for a hero till the end of the night / he’s gotta be strong / and he’s gotta be fast / and he’s gotta be fresh from the fight.’ ‘Hell yeah’, I thought. ‘That’s what I’m talking about. Bring on the heroes and let them be super. There’s nothing noncy about a man in tights.’ Unless they haven’t been washed first… but that’s a whole other blog.

If you think about it, a superhero kit is nothing more than a uniform, but with a lot more stretch and colour. It’s like looking at your wife in her kinky Ann Summers get up… she puts it on, she takes on a sexy persona and – pow! – a slut is born. It’s the same principle for men wearing lycra. They put it on, do a few stretches, run round the block and a [super] hero emerges. But are we really ready for them?

Superheroes are bold, brave, selfless, sexy, courageous and morally incorruptible. And covered in spandex. Yet, I thought there was nothing remotely attractive about a Fathers For Justice protester clad in a Batman cossie who dominated the news in the same year I met the luscious ‘Major Victory’. So what if he was scaling a building while police helicopters did a loop-the-loop right by his head? In theory, we should have broken out in a hot flush and started gagging for the guy’s number. Instead, most of us frowned sympathetically and thought no more about it.

Modern society just isn’t ready for any superheroes… If I was standing at the bus stop and a man clad head-to-toe in blue lycra suddenly offered me a ‘lift’ with his miraculous power of flight, what would I do? Threaten to headbutt the deviant freak and tell him to clear off, thinking all the while of how ashamed his mother must be. Perverted loser. Harsh, I know, but in this day and age, we’re surrounded by nutters and weirdos… even if the aforementioned freak turned out to be truthful and suddenly shot up into the sky, I’d still be looking around for David Blaine and a camera crew. Worse still, I might run like an Olympic athlete towards the nearest police station, sounding certifiable with my tales of a flying man in Spandex. And then I’d be the one labelled as ‘Loser’.

Really, the only way it’d be cool to fancy a man in fancy dress is if the media embrace him, build him up into the nation’s saviour and he becomes a celebrity. After all, it’s acceptable to lust after an icon – even one in spandex – without people thinking you’re some twisted cow who needs to get out more. Even his mother suddenly feels proud. He sells his story in a multi-million pound book deal, a film is made about his life, he bags a supermodel girlfriend with more bones jutting out than a mass grave genocide pit and he’s completely unattainable to an average girl like me. Yes! That’s the key. It’s the fantasy that’s alluring, not the reality. I like the idea of being with a superhero. I’m just not sure I’d like the reality. It’s the dream of having someone kind and brave and gifted and über-strong for a lover that triggers the tingling session in my spine and other areas.

By remaining a dream, I’ll never be disappointed. There’s no real-life hero who turns out to be a twat when you meet him. There’s just imagination, hope and desire. You can hear it in Bonnie Tyler’s voice as she wistfully belts out: “Where have all good men gone? / And where are all the gods? / Where’s the street-wise Hercules / To fight the rising odds?” He’s probably around here somewhere, but too scared of aggressive female bloggers to ever make himself known…

At the start of the New Year, how many of us vow to do something we’ve longed to do, making determined resolutions that this time, we’ll do it? Fast forward six months into the year and many will be saying how they still need to start working on their New Year resolutions. Before you go giving up before you’ve even started, take some inspiration from a woman who has achieved something amazing… writer G.L. Twynham.

The self-published author has topped Waterstone’s chart despite leaving school at the age of 14 without a single qualification. She’s a normal, down-to-earth, working class mother who has against all odds, penned and released two fantasy fiction novels despite having no money and a daughter to raise. She works nights just to have the time to write her books during the day but, with a young child at home, it’s obviously quite a struggle. Still, that hasn’t stopped her from being shortlisted for a regional book award and spending the last 12 months meeting over 3,000 school children after being invited by head-teachers to share her experiences with their pupils!

She’s also completed a plethora of regional media interviews, established a dedicated following on Facebook and has, incredibly, been added to Waterstone’s core list of titles (so her books are automatically re-ordered when they sell out) – a rarity most established authors would kill for! She’s now writing book three, which is due for release later this year.

Her debut novel, The Thirteenth, is up for the Lincolnshire Young People’s Book Awards 2011, which will be voted for by school children across the county. Facing competition from esteemed authors Emily Gale, Maggie Stiefvater, Suzanne LaFleur and Rosemary Hayes, G.L. Twynham is a remarkable inspiration to everyday UK women who are determined to follow their dreams despite the challenges of today’s tough economic climate.

Self-published Author Georgia Twynham At In-Store Book Signing

Born in Leicestershire, the author moved to Menorca as a teen where she lived and worked for 11 years as a humble waitress in her family’s restaurant. She returned to the UK and eventually settled in Lincolnshire, where she still lives with her young daughter. With no qualifications and few employment opportunities, she was facing dead end job after dead end job.

Instead of letting herself get stuck in a rut, she decided to fulfil her lifetime ambition by writing a book about the one thing she says had been missing throughout her entire childhood – a British female super heroine! With some help from her mum, Twynham self-published her debut novel The Thirteenth in 2009, introducing Val Saunders, a young girl with a huge destiny that is somehow linked to the strange, 13-symbol tattoo she mysteriously finds etched in her arm one morning!

The first in a six part saga, The Thirteenth quickly established a huge fanbase across the UK and thanks to this and the support of the media, G.L. Twynham forged ahead with a second book. The Turncoats was officially launched in Waterstone’s on October 27th, 2010, promptly reaching number 1 in their chart. Amazing!

The books are really cool; one journalist has compared them to Anne Rice’s work, the Syfy channel has given them the thumbs up on its website and judging by all the testimonials online from teenagers and their parents, they seem to be loving G.L. Twynham’s work. All this and I don’t think she even has an agent!

If she can fulfil her dreams, why can’t we? Let’s all do a G.L. Twynham this year and achieve something great. We can do it if we try.