Search This Blog

Infertility from My Husband's Point of View

Let me start by stating this fact: I have zero skill when it comes to expressing my feelings. I write about technical things (and trust me, I get real passionate about them), but I feel like a dummy when I try to demonstrate my emotions with words. Bear with me as I try.

With that disclaimer, let’s get started.

I grew up the youngest in a family of four. If you ask my siblings or my parents, I was spoiled. I don’t deny it. My life was… cushy. And I think that’s what gave me this impression that my family’s life would be similar. Please note here that I’m not attempting to throw a self-induced pity party or encourage harsh judgement. I’m trying to be open.

As recently as two years ago I imagined our future family as large. I imagined that we would have lots of kids, a full house, and lots of food. I had never even considered the possibility of infertility. I don’t think I even knew that infertility existed*. I assumed that when we made the decision to have children, we could have children. After all, as Ariel puts it so elegantly, “Sixteen-year-olds get pregnant without trying! And all they eat is Cheetos!” So very many couples are able to spontaneously conceive, even in seemingly impossible circumstances. So yes, I expected it to be easy. But after trying and not succeeding, the harsh reality of infertility crept into our lives day by day.

Ariel expressed some concerns a few months in but I justified the time as normal. Since conception is such a game of statistics I wasn’t convinced that we weren’t just outliers and very unlucky. I tend toward obliviousness, while Ariel is a realist. But we held out. We were patient. We kept trying.

We decided to continue to live our lives. Ariel was getting established into a new job and I was viciously striving to increase my GPA so I could gain entry to graduate school. As time passed though, we began to long for a different future.

Flash-forward to today. We are currently 17 doctor’s appointments into the year, and looking back, not much has changed. Now we know that there is almost no chance of spontaneous conception, and we are eager to begin moving toward adoption. But nonetheless, we are left childless. This is a real trial for us, but we don’t let it stop our lives.

We look forward with hope. There are so many wonderful things in our lives, and we are happy to share this adventure and this trial with each other. And we continue to press forward taking baby names, family travel plans, and bedtime stories in tow, waiting for our turn.

*Why isn’t infertility mentioned in Sex Ed? It should be mentioned in Sex Ed.

Labels

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

For 400+ days, my husband and I had no idea why we couldn’t get pregnant. This week, we got our answer!

We were scheduled for an appointment with the fertility doctor in the late afternoon on Monday. All throughout the morning, my chest was filled with excitement and anticipation. This was the appointment when we would hear the results from our tests and we would make a plan for how to move forward! In my mind, I ran through every possible outcome—a problem with me; with Jk; with both of us; with neither. More than anything, I just wanted clear answers!
The weather and roads were really bad that day, so our doctor was running a little late with his appointments. Jk and I sat in the waiting room for nearly 30 minutes, going half crazy. Finally, we were taken back to speak with the doctor. I tried to gauge what kind of news he had for us, but his handshake wasn’t giving anything away.
Finally (FINALLY!), we received our test results... It turns out that I’m a Fertile Myrtle! All this …

I’ve written and re-written this post so many times, I’m out
of clever comparisons and easy ways to explain what we’re going through. So
I’ll just say it.
In December 2015, Jk and I stopped taking birth control.
After a year of expecting to be expecting, we’re not even close. We’ve confided
in very few friends and family members up to this point, but lately I’ve
realized that something therapeutic happens inside when you let a secret out.
While sitting in church on Sunday, I had a revelation. It should have occurred
to me sooner but I definitely wasn’t ready for it. This is the thought I had…
Make this process of starting a family as fun as possible! It won’t be the way
I had previously imagined. Taking a pregnancy test, surprising Jk, finding out
the gender, having a baby. But when have we ever been traditional?
For this reason, I’ve decided to share our journey openly and honestly. It will
be hard—it already has been—but I want to document it all. Doctors’
appointments, medical tes…

Most days, I do okay. But some days I'm just over this infertility thing. For a few months now, we have shared our ups and downs and it wasn’t until recently that I ran out of words. Two weeks ago, we received a phone call and then a letter confirming that our insurance provider would not pay for In Vitro Fertilization (IVF). I took the news, swallowed it, and let it break my heart. I get that we were put on this earth to grow and all, but lately my prayers have been a little like: Thanks but no thanks, Heavenly Father. I think I’m good on the growing thing.

Today He responded, Nope, and sent another bump in the road.

I was sitting at work when my cell phone started vibrating and my caller ID read, Reproductive Care Center. It’s been a few weeks since we talked with our fertility clinic; I just assumed that because our plan fell through, there was nothing else to follow-up on. Curious, I answered the phone and expected to hear the voice of a nurse or receptionist. Instead, I sp…