Canada Now a Nation of Political Extremists

Warning: Bumpy Canadian politics ahead! Our increasingly-less-friendly neighbors to the north have spoken loudly at the polls, all but obliterating the moderate Liberals in tonight's national election.

Victory was sweet for the incumbent Conservatives, led by Prime Minister Stephen Harper. That party — in power since 2006 — now holds the elusive majority government, having won 166 seats (and counting). Nothing can stop them now. Nothing!

But the real drama came in the Liberals' humiliating defeat to the social-leaning NDP — longtime Miss Congenialities who are now the Official Opposition. Their victory was partly credited to defecting Québécois voters, who abandoned the pro-secessionist Bloc Québécois party in droves in favor of the NDP. With a measly four seats, it would appear that the Bloc is about as appealing to voters as a plate of congealed poutine.

This is big news! The Liberal party dates back to the mid-19th century, and has produced some of Canada's most iconic and respected leaders — not least of which being that disco-era sexy symbol, Pierre Elliott Trudeau. This election marks the first in history in which they didn't place either first or second.

Don't be surprised if an influx of exasperated Canadian expats* soon steals whatever jobs are still out there. Border fences! We need border fences. Build them stronger and higher, and don't skimp on the razor wire.