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21 June 2008

Hot Kitchens.

Do you know what makes most kitchens really hot?

Freezers. And walk in refrigerators. And lowboys. And reach ins. Ice machines. You wouldn't think. But it's so.

Kitchens can get really hot.

Let us not forget flat tops. And salamanders. Or grills. And then there's saute, where there might be pans sitting on burners that have been on full blast all day. And cast iron? Shit. I have seen them glow orange. For real. They can get really hot. But there's nothing like cooking a la plancha. O yeah.

Deck ovens are hot. Tandoori ovens are hot. Pulling sugar is hot and so is whisking sabayon for an hour straight. Stock is hot. Plate warmers are hot. So are bread warmers, of course.

Commercial dishwashers are hot. By health code standards they should be, at any rate. The hotter the better: less detergent can be used if heat is what is the sanitizing force. Having to put away hot dishes is hot. A lot of steam exists in the dish pit. A lot.

And steam? Steam is really fucking hot. The burn you get from steam is like being taken advantage of by a child. You never expect it. And then Whoosh! Red streak on flesh and sooner than you can say nanosecond you have a blister.

One could make an argument for the heat of hot ice or liquid nitrogen but they're not commonly found in kitchens unless you're ladling up eye of newt and bat's wing specials.

Hot Kitchens.

Wait, there's more. If you act now --

Cooking and baking with a sunburn is hot. And terrifically unpleasant. After you've fallen asleep on the beach on your only day off in 3 months once, you won't do it again. Take it from me. There's nothing like reaching into a 500F oven when your skin is the color of freshly killed lobsters.

Reducing is hot. So is candying of any sort, especially when you have to boil sugar for hours to get just 2 more degrees on your thermometer. {!}

Roasting is hot. And searing. Even blanching, albeit brief, is hot. Poaching? I guess we could make an argument if we're desperate.

Funny, when you burn yourself, I mean really burn, it feels cold first. Like buried under an avalanche and getting sleepy cold. And then for a tiny moment when your brain hits refresh, it fells hot to your core. By then, hopefully, you're in shock, and so you don't feel much after that except worry that you'll be in the weeds even more. Nothing like grabbing onto something really hot and realizing later that the steam you saw was your own skin evaporating.

Kitchens are hot.

And so we tun off our minds. We make jokes. The refrigeration starts to shudder and choke, and then die. The ice machine gets indignant. Someone has to go buy ice. Which is really funny if you think about it. But of course it's not.

You might even have the pleasure of standing on the hot roof and hosing down the condenser for about 8 or 12 hours, until the sun goes down. But only if you're the chef or sous. Yes, you have to be The Chosen One for that job.

Hot.

When it gets hot ovens bake faster. Did you know that? Cakes don't necessarily rise better but everything should be checked on with more frequency. Cold water is warm. Edibles made with yeast should be rushed like you have some place to be yesterday. Proofing the bread? Five hours is 50 minutes. Twenty minutes could be two. Be on your toes, yo, when it's hot.

Cold butter doesn't stay cold.

Sweat evaporates and it could be a few days until you really pee. A relaxing pee that lasts more than a moment. Sound gross?

Cooking is hot business.

I haven't left out anything, have I?

In The South there's a joke about cornstarch/ talcum powder, and the boxer shorts you shouldn't be wearing, but I'll leave that to your imagination.

Hot weather produces violence. In some kitchens it makes people fight. Or go mute. Or fuck.

Because line cooks are hot. Except when they're gross. But there's always a market for gross.

Hot.

Flirtations run high. Patience become a virtue left for the "normies"/ diners/ working stiffs/ waiters. Sexual tension is hot. So is that space between your long sleeved polyester-blend double-buttoned jacket and suffocating skin. Tempers run hot.

Some will say that the best beverage in hot weather is hot liquid. Ice becomes the enemy to truly cooling down your system. Except when dunking your arms in ice water is the only thing you can do to keep from passing out.

Summer is hot. Restaurants with poor ventilation systems are really hot. Restaurants that are free standing buildings in neighborhoods with no trees or taller buildings to create shade are really hot. Restaurants with prep stations in windowless rooms are ferociously hot.

I remember well "sweat" pouring down the walls at Gramercy Tavern. (In NYC most restaurant kitchens are located in the basement. That pretty open kitchen you're looking into as you lazily munch crudo and sip cocktails? That's for show. Only? Well I'll go on record as saying: mostly.)

Comments

Sabayon for an Hour?

Weston, The first time I made sabayon in a restaurant the pastry chef needed about 8 quarts to start with. She set me up on milk crates with our largest bowl and whisk, and I stood tall over the polenta pot, and whisked until I was completely soaking wet, through and through.

I remember once plating twenty creme brulees at once. I stupidly set the torch down to get the next tray swapped out and stupidly reached in front of the flame. I actually watched the fleshy part of my left palm at the base of my thumb shrink and wrinkle as my flesh burned and coagulated-- exactly the way a piece of meat in a hot pan seizes. It was sort of amazing. Thank G-d it was the end of service. All I had left was packing up and doing cleanup with a bucket of hot sanitizing solution. I worked pretty much one handed the rest of the night.

Calichef.

O. oof. ouchy wa wa. and yet. I know. I understand. And the absolutely CRAZY thing about this story? I get it that you kept on working. But few others will. ~ Shuna

I can absolutely remember last Summer Being in that same Gramercy ktichen you discribed. I think people have no idea how hot is truly hot. I mean everyone sees the construction worker outside, but not the cooks in the molten hot cave. Those were some brutal days... class in the day... line at night... all while NYC was well over 90F. Drinking gallons of water and still not needing to use the bathroom for 14 hours. The number of shirts and jackets I could plow through... woof.

These past few days have been unbearable... especially in Danville. I always make frozen treats for the guys on the line. Ice cream sandwiches & popsicles. They go fast. I'm lucky that my prep area is around the corner from the ovens... but when I am up there baking, making ice cream bases & puddings... it is HOT!

It's especially nasty when you have bad chapped lips.

Sugarbuzz. O yes. Chapped lips. And soft butter doesn't help much but olive oil can. It is sooooo sweet that you make treats for the line. I love this kind of camaraderie! /p.s. nice to hear from you again. ~ Shuna

I very much dig this post but i have one small two part question
1a) why of all the places would one choose the walk-in to have sex in
1b) when would a line cook find the time to do this

Khalil,

It's been a long time since I have said your name. An old friend of mine from high school was given it as well.

a line cook who is really good at her/his job can make time for drinking, drugs or sex, if the opportunity presents itself. why the walk in? you can close the door and the light and even the latch if you're really inventive! ~ Shuna

OoOoOo, I really liked reading that, what you just wrote. It's really good, just like starting to eat a water melon, making your way through it, bite after bite. Then? Munching down to the rind, on the last piece. Just like that.

Biggles

Doctor Meat Angel Biggles,

You have the best, most delicious metaphors. I have eaten a lot of watermelon as of late and I have to say your description might very well have described how I felt writing this post! xo ~ Shuna

I used to be the tournant at a restaurant in NYC during December where everyone and their mother goes out to dinner after christmas shopping, or entire offices and companies are holding private events in our PDR...I was on grill for a good two weeks...the hood system cuts out over the grill in the middle of service. the rest of the line's hood system was at half power. our ventilation and AC was out of service. this was Friday at 9pm...were getting slammed. forget sweat dripping down your entire body...i was soaked through my jacket. my shoes were little pools around my feet. the worst part - a party of 25, choice of pouissin, fresh pasta, or grilled 28 day aged sirloin. 23 of these people order sirloins. The kitchen was covered in black smoke. i couldnt see the beef on the grill. to be honest I couldnt see my hands...can you imagine the smoke?! still though the food got out perfectly...and even worse...that was only friday night....we had saturday, sunday, and monday berofre it was fixed monday night into tuesday morning...that was HELL...

Wait till you're in a kitchen with hot flashes. Are you there yet? I can't even deal with them in my own kitchen, can't imagine trying to work through them in a commercial kitchen. Oy. Great post as always Shuna! xoxo

I remember my first pro.job was in a corporate kitchen and I was put on the saute station, that day making individual omelets with choice of filling. There were hundreds of customers on line and I had to move fast. I asked the helper to stack the pans for me to reach and he stacked the ones that just came off the flame. As I reached to get one, it burned the inside of my forearm and there was nothing I could do, just keep on cooking until the rush was over, blistered for days and hurt like a son of a bitch, i still have the scar. The TV does make cooking look glamorous but it's hot, wet, and miserable in the Summer, but oh the smell of dough rising!!!