How do you not take kids leaving the program personally? The way the year is ending sucks enough, now I have great kids leaving to go do other activities. How do I cope with this? I go through the stages of grief at the end of every year. How do you handle this?

Maybe take comfort knowing those other activities will also be cancelled?

Previous Message

How do you not take kids leaving the program personally? The way the year is ending sucks enough, now I have great kids leaving to go do other activities. How do I cope with this? I go through the stages of grief at the end of every year. How do you handle this?

I go through this every year also. I just try to focus on the ones that stayed and try to help them get better. I do feel as if we have to entertain more and "give" them more things to bribe them into staying and I'm just not into that. Unfortunately, sports gets more glory, so they go to that. And I'm at the middle school. I have had kids quit so that they can sit on a bench in athletics. Some of these were first band kids and never even played a game for sports. But, they got fed in sports, had no accountability and got to hang out with their friends. It sucks, but I just try to focus on the ones that are left.

Previous Message

How do you not take kids leaving the program personally? The way the year is ending sucks enough, now I have great kids leaving to go do other activities. How do I cope with this? I go through the stages of grief at the end of every year. How do you handle this?

I agree with your statements. It's also the one of the reasons I retired after 36 years, 27 of them being at the same school. My thoughts were, if I have committed my life to be here this long, and kids still quit for no reason with parent backing, then why should I give up any more years of my life for them? I also got tired of administrators, testing, scheduling, etc. I will say, I started years before all the stupidity was firmly in place. I just watched it get gradually worse over a period of decades. I finally said screw it, and got out. I'm now happily enjoying my retirement, I'm off blood pressure meds and I will NEVER consider going back to teaching.

You never get over it. I retired after 33 years. I'm now a part timer at a very small class A school. I don't have the pressure of marching and competition here. I don't miss the pressure at all. I enjoy teaching music and feel very appreciated.

Previous Message

I agree with your statements. It's also the one of the reasons I retired after 36 years, 27 of them being at the same school. My thoughts were, if I have committed my life to be here this long, and kids still quit for no reason with parent backing, then why should I give up any more years of my life for them? I also got tired of administrators, testing, scheduling, etc. I will say, I started years before all the stupidity was firmly in place. I just watched it get gradually worse over a period of decades. I finally said screw it, and got out. I'm now happily enjoying my retirement, I'm off blood pressure meds and I will NEVER consider going back to teaching.

They are lucky to have you. Just bring Ralph over every now and then to keep you straight.

Previous Message

You never get over it. I retired after 33 years. I'm now a part timer at a very small class A school. I don't have the pressure of marching and competition here. I don't miss the pressure at all. I enjoy teaching music and feel very appreciated.

Previous Message

I agree with your statements. It's also the one of the reasons I retired after 36 years, 27 of them being at the same school. My thoughts were, if I have committed my life to be here this long, and kids still quit for no reason with parent backing, then why should I give up any more years of my life for them? I also got tired of administrators, testing, scheduling, etc. I will say, I started years before all the stupidity was firmly in place. I just watched it get gradually worse over a period of decades. I finally said screw it, and got out. I'm now happily enjoying my retirement, I'm off blood pressure meds and I will NEVER consider going back to teaching.

Re: Need advice

Posted by I'm with you on 5/13/2020, 8:27 am, in reply to "Need advice "

It stinks. You sink so much of yourself and time into them just to have them flip their nose at you and take off to go do Archery or some other crud. It hurts. Kids don't care unless you're constantly entertaining them now. This job is more about being a cheerleader now than a real teacher and that stinks too.

*cue the "you're doing it all wrong" comments.

Previous Message

How do you not take kids leaving the program personally? The way the year is ending sucks enough, now I have great kids leaving to go do other activities. How do I cope with this? I go through the stages of grief at the end of every year. How do you handle this?

Even if a kid leaves for Archery it isn't personal. Not all kids leave to flip their nose at you and in most cases I would bet it isn't personal. I always asked my kids leaving what they are going to. I don't mind they left me but I want to know they are going somewhere whether that is a new activity, work, helping at home, time management reasons. Whatever it is, I want them to know they matter to me as a person first, band student second. They aren't leaving just because you didn't entertain them.

Previous Message

It stinks. You sink so much of yourself and time into them just to have them flip their nose at you and take off to go do Archery or some other crud. It hurts. Kids don't care unless you're constantly entertaining them now. This job is more about being a cheerleader now than a real teacher and that stinks too.

*cue the "you're doing it all wrong" comments.

Previous Message

How do you not take kids leaving the program personally? The way the year is ending sucks enough, now I have great kids leaving to go do other activities. How do I cope with this? I go through the stages of grief at the end of every year. How do you handle this?

Nope, you're not doing it all wrong. Kids are this way because parents have become irresponsible and immature. They are having kids younger and younger and will not grow up and be real adults. They still want to party and dress like kids. As I said in a previous response, this is one of the reasons In got out, retired and have absolutely, positively no intention of EVER going back, I'm on year 5 of retirement and don't regret it. I don't know how many more years you have left or if you plan to keep doing it until you are eligible for retirement. If you stay with it, you are a better person than me. If I were 22 or 23 and just starting out now, I could not make it until retirement. Especially since they changed the retirement rules and are forcing everyone to teach longer.

That's a rather small view of things. Of all the kids I ever taught you parents and kids you describe were very much the small, small, minority of my students and families.

I am glad you are enjoying retirement. I am too - but I never had such a cynical view of things.

Previous Message

*cue the "you're doing it all wrong" comments.

Nope, you're not doing it all wrong. Kids are this way because parents have become irresponsible and immature. They are having kids younger and younger and will not grow up and be real adults. They still want to party and dress like kids. As I said in a previous response, this is one of the reasons In got out, retired and have absolutely, positively no intention of EVER going back, I'm on year 5 of retirement and don't regret it. I don't know how many more years you have left or if you plan to keep doing it until you are eligible for retirement. If you stay with it, you are a better person than me. If I were 22 or 23 and just starting out now, I could not make it until retirement. Especially since they changed the retirement rules and are forcing everyone to teach longer.

You have your opinion based on your experiences and I have mine. You didn't teach in my school and I didn't teach in yours. Maybe my view isn't cynical. Perhaps yours is a fantasy. But again, I don't know since I am not you just as you are not me. I'm enjoying my retirement and and I have no intention of going back. And before you say it, I did have a successful career and my bands were successful. I paid my dues and I have a right to retire. If you'd like to go back, go for it. Then come back here and tell us what you discovered about the way things are now.

Previous Message

That's a rather small view of things. Of all the kids I ever taught you parents and kids you describe were very much the small, small, minority of my students and families.

I am glad you are enjoying retirement. I am too - but I never had such a cynical view of things.

Previous Message

*cue the "you're doing it all wrong" comments.

Nope, you're not doing it all wrong. Kids are this way because parents have become irresponsible and immature. They are having kids younger and younger and will not grow up and be real adults. They still want to party and dress like kids. As I said in a previous response, this is one of the reasons In got out, retired and have absolutely, positively no intention of EVER going back, I'm on year 5 of retirement and don't regret it. I don't know how many more years you have left or if you plan to keep doing it until you are eligible for retirement. If you stay with it, you are a better person than me. If I were 22 or 23 and just starting out now, I could not make it until retirement. Especially since they changed the retirement rules and are forcing everyone to teach longer.

It was only a few years ago so yeah, I know what it was like very recently. And yes, you have your experiences. I just don't know anyone that has had the same experiences as you which is why I said what I said.

And if your experience was so bad and retirement is so good why are you still here on the board?

Previous Message

You have your opinion based on your experiences and I have mine. You didn't teach in my school and I didn't teach in yours. Maybe my view isn't cynical. Perhaps yours is a fantasy. But again, I don't know since I am not you just as you are not me. I'm enjoying my retirement and and I have no intention of going back. And before you say it, I did have a successful career and my bands were successful. I paid my dues and I have a right to retire. If you'd like to go back, go for it. Then come back here and tell us what you discovered about the way things are now.

Previous Message

That's a rather small view of things. Of all the kids I ever taught you parents and kids you describe were very much the small, small, minority of my students and families.

I am glad you are enjoying retirement. I am too - but I never had such a cynical view of things.

Previous Message

*cue the "you're doing it all wrong" comments.

Nope, you're not doing it all wrong. Kids are this way because parents have become irresponsible and immature. They are having kids younger and younger and will not grow up and be real adults. They still want to party and dress like kids. As I said in a previous response, this is one of the reasons In got out, retired and have absolutely, positively no intention of EVER going back, I'm on year 5 of retirement and don't regret it. I don't know how many more years you have left or if you plan to keep doing it until you are eligible for retirement. If you stay with it, you are a better person than me. If I were 22 or 23 and just starting out now, I could not make it until retirement. Especially since they changed the retirement rules and are forcing everyone to teach longer.

And I had the ability to look at situations realistically and make realistic decisions for my students. I didn't live in a fantasy land. I'm on this board because the board didn't cause the problems with standardized testing, scheduling problems, lack of parenting, etc. So, why are you on this board, since you too, are retired? Also, if things were so great and perfect when you taught, why did you retire? I answered your questions, now let's see if you are willing to answer mine.

Previous Message

It was only a few years ago so yeah, I know what it was like very recently. And yes, you have your experiences. I just don't know anyone that has had the same experiences as you which is why I said what I said.

And if your experience was so bad and retirement is so good why are you still here on the board?

Previous Message

You have your opinion based on your experiences and I have mine. You didn't teach in my school and I didn't teach in yours. Maybe my view isn't cynical. Perhaps yours is a fantasy. But again, I don't know since I am not you just as you are not me. I'm enjoying my retirement and and I have no intention of going back. And before you say it, I did have a successful career and my bands were successful. I paid my dues and I have a right to retire. If you'd like to go back, go for it. Then come back here and tell us what you discovered about the way things are now.

Previous Message

That's a rather small view of things. Of all the kids I ever taught you parents and kids you describe were very much the small, small, minority of my students and families.

I am glad you are enjoying retirement. I am too - but I never had such a cynical view of things.

Previous Message

*cue the "you're doing it all wrong" comments.

Nope, you're not doing it all wrong. Kids are this way because parents have become irresponsible and immature. They are having kids younger and younger and will not grow up and be real adults. They still want to party and dress like kids. As I said in a previous response, this is one of the reasons In got out, retired and have absolutely, positively no intention of EVER going back, I'm on year 5 of retirement and don't regret it. I don't know how many more years you have left or if you plan to keep doing it until you are eligible for retirement. If you stay with it, you are a better person than me. If I were 22 or 23 and just starting out now, I could not make it until retirement. Especially since they changed the retirement rules and are forcing everyone to teach longer.

Because it was time to do something different and I had options. I loved my job and my kids. But I was ready to work fewer hours and change my quality of life, (from a sheer hours side). I thought I would die in the band hall when I first started teaching. Then I got older and realized I had accomplished goals, was financially stable, and I wanted to live a little more and being a high school director was a bit all-consuming, (my personality flaw because I only know 110% and it wasn't healthy).

I am on this board because I am still involved in music education, (judging), and this is a good way to stay up on what the discussions are and what's happening in the classroom.

Previous Message

And I had the ability to look at situations realistically and make realistic decisions for my students. I didn't live in a fantasy land. I'm on this board because the board didn't cause the problems with standardized testing, scheduling problems, lack of parenting, etc. So, why are you on this board, since you too, are retired? Also, if things were so great and perfect when you taught, why did you retire? I answered your questions, now let's see if you are willing to answer mine.

Previous Message

It was only a few years ago so yeah, I know what it was like very recently. And yes, you have your experiences. I just don't know anyone that has had the same experiences as you which is why I said what I said.

And if your experience was so bad and retirement is so good why are you still here on the board?

Previous Message

You have your opinion based on your experiences and I have mine. You didn't teach in my school and I didn't teach in yours. Maybe my view isn't cynical. Perhaps yours is a fantasy. But again, I don't know since I am not you just as you are not me. I'm enjoying my retirement and and I have no intention of going back. And before you say it, I did have a successful career and my bands were successful. I paid my dues and I have a right to retire. If you'd like to go back, go for it. Then come back here and tell us what you discovered about the way things are now.

Previous Message

That's a rather small view of things. Of all the kids I ever taught you parents and kids you describe were very much the small, small, minority of my students and families.

I am glad you are enjoying retirement. I am too - but I never had such a cynical view of things.

Previous Message

*cue the "you're doing it all wrong" comments.

Nope, you're not doing it all wrong. Kids are this way because parents have become irresponsible and immature. They are having kids younger and younger and will not grow up and be real adults. They still want to party and dress like kids. As I said in a previous response, this is one of the reasons In got out, retired and have absolutely, positively no intention of EVER going back, I'm on year 5 of retirement and don't regret it. I don't know how many more years you have left or if you plan to keep doing it until you are eligible for retirement. If you stay with it, you are a better person than me. If I were 22 or 23 and just starting out now, I could not make it until retirement. Especially since they changed the retirement rules and are forcing everyone to teach longer.

You're not retired from the field if you are still doing all of that. By the way, I judge, as well and am on the marching and concert active lists. I also do clinics because I want to help. by doing clinics I don't have to deal with any helicopter or unsupportive parents or administrators. I give 100% but if a kid doesn't choose to give 100% during the clinic, it doesn't bother me because it's not my band and I am not the one who will be standing in front of them at contest.

Previous Message

Because it was time to do something different and I had options. I loved my job and my kids. But I was ready to work fewer hours and change my quality of life, (from a sheer hours side). I thought I would die in the band hall when I first started teaching. Then I got older and realized I had accomplished goals, was financially stable, and I wanted to live a little more and being a high school director was a bit all-consuming, (my personality flaw because I only know 110% and it wasn't healthy).

I am on this board because I am still involved in music education, (judging), and this is a good way to stay up on what the discussions are and what's happening in the classroom.

Previous Message

And I had the ability to look at situations realistically and make realistic decisions for my students. I didn't live in a fantasy land. I'm on this board because the board didn't cause the problems with standardized testing, scheduling problems, lack of parenting, etc. So, why are you on this board, since you too, are retired? Also, if things were so great and perfect when you taught, why did you retire? I answered your questions, now let's see if you are willing to answer mine.

Previous Message

It was only a few years ago so yeah, I know what it was like very recently. And yes, you have your experiences. I just don't know anyone that has had the same experiences as you which is why I said what I said.

And if your experience was so bad and retirement is so good why are you still here on the board?

Previous Message

You have your opinion based on your experiences and I have mine. You didn't teach in my school and I didn't teach in yours. Maybe my view isn't cynical. Perhaps yours is a fantasy. But again, I don't know since I am not you just as you are not me. I'm enjoying my retirement and and I have no intention of going back. And before you say it, I did have a successful career and my bands were successful. I paid my dues and I have a right to retire. If you'd like to go back, go for it. Then come back here and tell us what you discovered about the way things are now.

Previous Message

That's a rather small view of things. Of all the kids I ever taught you parents and kids you describe were very much the small, small, minority of my students and families.

I am glad you are enjoying retirement. I am too - but I never had such a cynical view of things.

Previous Message

*cue the "you're doing it all wrong" comments.

Nope, you're not doing it all wrong. Kids are this way because parents have become irresponsible and immature. They are having kids younger and younger and will not grow up and be real adults. They still want to party and dress like kids. As I said in a previous response, this is one of the reasons In got out, retired and have absolutely, positively no intention of EVER going back, I'm on year 5 of retirement and don't regret it. I don't know how many more years you have left or if you plan to keep doing it until you are eligible for retirement. If you stay with it, you are a better person than me. If I were 22 or 23 and just starting out now, I could not make it until retirement. Especially since they changed the retirement rules and are forcing everyone to teach longer.

Maybe look at the departure of such students the same way as a preacher treats a deacon who moves out of town.

They move, you serve those who remain and find a new deacon to serve.

Previous Message

How do you not take kids leaving the program personally? The way the year is ending sucks enough, now I have great kids leaving to go do other activities. How do I cope with this? I go through the stages of grief at the end of every year. How do you handle this?