Get to know your divorce lawyer

Published 9:55 pm, Friday, April 4, 2014

Last week's column drew a number of responses from readers. The topic was how to prepare emotionally to retain a divorce attorney.

When putting together a list of people to interview, start with the lawyers you may have used for other matters, such as the lawyer who drafted your will, suggested divorce attorney Andrew P. Nemiroff of Fogarty, Cohen, Selby and Nemiroff of Greenwich.

Since most attorneys know who is really good at what they do, you can benefit from that knowledge, explained Nemiroff.

That will get you a list of people to interview, but you'll want to go further. You'll want to find just the right person.

"Empathy," he said. "Understanding that a lot is at stake. This will likely be the most important piece of litigation a person will be involved with in a lifetime, especially if there are children."

Henderson is a partner at Wofsey, Rosen, Kweskin and Kuriansky of Stamford.

The divorce process is foreign to most people, Henderson explained. The lawyer shouldn't be mysterious. He or she should be open and instructive.

Given that perspective, what do you need to know about the interview?

Most importantly, recognize that when you are interviewing a lawyer, the lawyer is assessing you and your case.

The initial interview is the most critical, said attorney Michael P. Friedman of Friedman and Molinsek of Albany, N.Y. "It not only sets the tone for the ultimate resolution of matters, but allows the lawyer to size up the client as to realistic expectations and a perception of value for (the lawyer's) services."

A good lawyer won't encourage escalating the matter. "A good divorce lawyer never says, `Gee, you are married to a bad person, so we will get you all you want,' " said Friedman.

At the interview, be prepared for the lawyer to ask about both spouses' employment, education, age, health needs, children, finances, compensation, whether someone is employed or runs his or her own business, and whether there are assets to be professionally appraised by a competent professional.

This helps the lawyer assess the complexity of the case and uncover whether you will be a good client -- someone who is open and flexible -- or if you have an agenda and are only interested in that agenda, explained Henderson.

There are some nuances.

If you are initiating a case, you've probably been thinking about getting a divorce for a while, said divorce attorney Nancy Segore-Freshman of Freshman and McGlynn of Westport.

In her experience, Segore-Freshman commented that the initiator may have been contemplating divorce for years. Couples might stay in an unhappy marriage until some event takes place that makes the timing right -- for example, the children finishing school. Women tended to stay in unhappy marriages longer, while men tended to act more quickly.

The timing and intensity of the need to find a lawyer is greater for the non-initiating spouse. In that case, it's fair to ask whether the lawyer you are interviewing has experience with opposing counsel (the lawyer who represents your spouse), said Segore-Freshman.

In most communities, the divorce bar is small; the more experienced lawyers have witnessed others at court and in negotiations. They know each other. They know their opponents' strengths and weaknesses and foibles. If the person representing the other spouse is disorganized, combative or abrasive, cases can drag on. If he or she sees the world of divorce as a battlefield, tension can be great and costs can be high.

If your attorney has a good working relationship with your spouse's attorney, it works to your benefit, said Segore-Freshman. The process is smoother.

Your one and only goal is to find someone with whom you're comfortable, said Henderson. Reaching that level of comfort means you've achieved a level of mutual respect, open communication and understanding. It can take one interview or a number, said Henderson.

Segore-Freshman puts it this way: "You have to ask yourself, am I willing to talk to this person -- the lawyer -- about profoundly personal things about my life? Is this a person I can trust? Can I work with this person?"

If you live in the Stamford area, you may want to attend a roundtable discussion I'm leading on the financial aspects of divorce at my offices on April 11. Email me at readers@juliejason.com for more information.

Julie Jason, JD, LLM, award-winning author of "The AARP Retirement Survival Guide: How to Make Smart Financial Decisions in Good Times and Bad," and "Managing Retirement Wealth: An Expert Guide to Personal Portfolio Management in Good Times and Bad," is principal of Jackson, Grant Investment Advisers, Inc. of Stamford. Please email her with questions at readers@juliejason.com or write to her c/o The Advocate, 9A Riverbend Drive South, Box 4910, Stamford, CT 06907. Copyright 2014 Julie Jason.