TV's Noel Markets New Range Of Phones To Mark His Success

"What do you want you banker?" Noel answers the phone yesterday on Deal or no Deal

TV's Lazarus man, Noel Edmonds, is riding the wave of his current success which today sees him marketing his own range of retro-telephones.

An excited Noel told The Spoof:

"I thought that after that crock of shit, Noel's House Party, that I was washed up. It was so smug and up its own arse that life beyond it seemed scarcely possible.

Indeed I spent several years in TV wilderland before emerging leaner, meaner and a whole heap keener. Now I'm back at the top of my game and I have an old bakelite phone to thank for it"

The star of the hit, Deal or no Deal, has signed a multi-million deal with the Carphone Warehouse, now they have pulled out of Big brother. A spokesman for the phone retailer told us:

"Noel is a safe pair of hands and you know where you are with him. You get professionalism, smugness and very little in the way of scandal and Carphone Warehouse is delighted to be associated with Mr Edmonds.

I can't see us backing out of this deal just so long as there's no sign of that fucking wanker Mr Blobby or Noel doesn't try any of that shite he had with that cardboard manor house. Quite frankly all that was complete and utter bollocks"

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