nothing in here is true

Monday, April 25, 2005

lest anyone think that i would defoul my beautiful wife’s ass with my special purpose, let it be known that when i talk about the beautiful love that i make on this blog, im never talking about the intimate details between myself and my betroved.

moxie and i have a little arrangement. yes shes my wife, but only in the marital sense. i dont tell her what to do with her body and she doesnt tell me what to do with mine. our only deal is that we’ll be safe and not bring anything back to the homestead.

the relations that i have with my love is caring and loving and beautiful. what i do outside the home, however, well, thats usually the stuff that i would never do with the woman who will one day bear my children.

thats how they do it in europe, and thats how we agreed it will be done here.

other similarities: we drink a lot of wine, take long naps, and go on strike as much as possible during the summer months.

right now im in a new girls apartment. i cant really remember what we did last night in much detail but i know she ordered pasta at 1am from a place called berries. we were watching the Restaurant, that stupid reality docudrama about that jimmy fallon lookalike rocco someone who has a restaurant and always screws it up.

she was smoking some jamacian shit and suddenly got the munchies and dialed information and then the transfered her over to berries and bam within minutes she had rigattoni and meatballs.

she ate so much so fast she had to puke. and i was all so thats how all you west hollywood girls stay so thin. and she was all shut up and jumped on me after brushing her teeth and within minutes we were asleep.

so now im listening to the pixies trying to write to you from her lil laptop. its a powerbook something. i cannot repeat how disappointed i am in the good people of apple for not having the right click button. fucking apple invented the mouse, why are they trying to keep it real by keeping the right click button away from their loyal users?

im listening to the pixies in minnesota 4/13/04 which i see is being sold on ebay for $61. am i a prick if i burned a copy to sell it on ebay? for some reason i think i am. but the pixies arent going to sell that thing any time soon, are they? shit i dont know. i know if i had a band id have a huge tip jar on stage that said “give us 50% of all the shit you stole from us. or give us 100% of all tips youd like to give us.”

shes got blue eyes and soft thighs. little plastic cups cuz she doesnt like cleaning up. the meatballs last night had a little bread in the middle of it and it reminded me of chicago. i brought my tivo over and we were watching the mclaughlin group and a cubs game and old videos and some woddy allen.

so now im typing you and ignoring the typos because a guy she likes might call her to go to breakfast, and the best part about having a wife is i dont care if she has breakfast with this fool or not. and because i dont give a fuck she wants me even more. now shes saying shes hot and she is hot. she says no its fucking hot in herre and i say turn on that ceiling fan and she says she cant cuz shes allergic to dust and theres probably an inch of winter dust on there that shes got to wait for her lady to come over and dust before she even can think about that ceiling fan.

and shes gone through four or five costume changes. from jeans and a sleeveless shirt to a cord skirt and a one armed shirt to a bikini top and a flowery skirt. it just keeps getting hotter as we approach noon and so does she.

now its fatboy slim on her itunes “10th and Crenshaw”. if it wasnt for girls i wouldnt listen to half the muysic i end up listening to. now she wants to eat with me. i teller to wait for her man. she says hes not gonna call. i say wait. she says shes hungry. i say you ate all that pasta lasta nighta. she said uh … remember. and i was all, oh yeah….

i just asked her to chill for a minute while i finish this and she said want some oj and i said oh yeah, yes! and she brought one up in another plastic cup but she added a splash of vodka and when i turned around to say thanks i saw that she had made a fourth costume change. a catholic girl skirt with a tshirt that said do me.