My favourite line in August: Osage County never made any of the highlight reels because of profanity, but I love to run around saying it anyway:

“Eat the fish, bitch!”

Similarly, Lainey has been storming around all night going “Take the goddamn pizza, Leo!” And this is his biggest problem. Leo never takes the pizza. He never plays. He’s so bloody serious about what he does because you couldn’t understand. You don’t know what it’s like to be a Serious Actor like he is, and you’ll never know, and you could never know, so there.

This is his problem. Leonardo DiCaprio, for all his excellence as an actor, does not know how to play the role that every successful actor plays. The aw-shucks how-did-I-get-here dreamed-a-dream script that says that Leo hopes and wishes, just like you hope and wish. That you are not very far apart from one another. That’s what it should be. That’s what would clinch him an award with voters. But he won’t do it because he doesn’t want to be one of them, and so he watches as McConaughey walks off with the statue that you know he thought was his.

Or doesn’t watch. When we were focused on the five-frame box as they announced the winner, we noticed the trick that those who are experienced practise to avoid looking disappointed. As soon as the name is announced and it’s not yours, look HARD to the side. HARD! Harder! You’re looking for someone way across the room! Strain! Yes! Okay, now the camera’s off you. You’re good.