Q: I have some great ideas and information on issues with the kids I care for, however the parents don’t seem to listen to my ideas. What is the best way to work with parents and share new ideas with them?

A: It is a delicate thing to come into a home and tell parents what to do. Even if you have science and research on your side, ultimately it is the parent’s desicions that must rule the home. It is important to remember that there are no hard and fast right and wrongs when it comes to parenting. Almost all parenting exists in a gray area and there are many different theories and methods for raising a child.

THE BASICS:

There really are no hard and fast rules to parenting. The last word must be the parents. It is crucial to choose parents with whom you agree on the basics right from the start. Be sure when interviewing to discuss some hot button issues such as sleep training, potty training, time outs etc.. to determine that you are on the same wavelength with prospective parents. You will never agree 100% with anyone. Even parents disagree among themselves! Respect is key.

WHAT CAN WE DO:Research! Make sure you do your homework. Read professional journals and books. Find respectable internet sources to back up your thoughts. Make sure to time your conversations so that everyone is at their best. Try to schedule a time that is convenient for everyone- not right after a hard day at work or when children are interrupting. Be assertive- direct and respectful and not aggressive. Never attack or criticize parents and the way they interact with their children. Use eye contact and a calm voice. Keep emotions at bay. Start the conversation with some light conversation. Use praise and comments to get everyone on the same side of the problem. Team building is what you are after. Ask questions- “what problems are you having with the kids?” “Does this work for you?” Try to get at the emotions that the parents are experiencing. Offer solutions and show parents the research backing them up. Brainstorm ideas in an environment that is free from judgement. Use active listening. “As I understand it, these are your concerns....(state what you hear) is that correct?”Offer a timetable to try a new solution and then a specific point to evaluate what you are trying so that everyone gets a voice. Know that you may not get a direct change, that some parents may need time to digest new ideas before giving them a try. Avoid saying “you” and instead use “we”.Demonstrate the effectiveness of what you do. Be sure to show parents the techniques you use, how you use them and how they work out. Don’t just leave the minute they come in the door- let them see you in action so they can know you are an expert. FOR MORE INFO: Assertive Communication fact sheetArticle on convincing people to do what you wantEffective communication article - from the Mayo ClinicDo you have a link to a site with great info and ideas?? Email us at suedowney@nannypalooza.com