Summary: Pein gets the
hiccups, while the rest of the Akatsuki use their own personal
remedies to try and cure him. This is what happens on a rainy day
when your friend gets the hiccups and you are both equally obsessed
with Naruto.

Warnings: As if it
wasn't already a given, extreme randomness and OOCness will ensue.
Proceed at your own sense of humor (or lack thereof).

º º º

Akatsuki Headquarters
12:45pm

It was Wednesday; it was
lunch time; and an Akatsuki meeting needed to take place. Thus, that
afternoon, Pein decided to schedule the first (and as he later
learned, the last)
official Akatsuki luncheon. It was rare that every member brought in
his or her own sack lunch, but this was a very special day, and all
members had been ordered to do so.

"Today's meeting will
be about the capture of the Jinchuriki Uzumaki Naruto," Pein
said, taking a sip of his tea and placing the cup down on the table.

"TOBI WANTS TO MAKE A
SAND CASTLE!"

Pein ignored the random
comment that issued from the masked-man's mouth, and continued to
stare across the table at the rest of the Akatsuki. He watched as
Kisame took a large bite out of his tuna sandwich and looked on
curiously as Itachi stared blankly at something
in front of him. Silly near-blind Uchiha.

It's going to be a long
day, Pein thought, sighing. "Hiccup!"

All eyes turned to Pein.
Tobi sat uncharacteristicly still; Itachi looked up; Kisame held his
sandwich to his face, mouth agape; Kakazu, Sasori, and Konan looked
up in a daze; Deidara and Hidan smirked; and Zetsu just blinked a
golden eye.

"The Kyuubi--hic--is
the last Jinchuriki we--hic--need."

"You have the
hiccups!" Tobi exclaimed, jumping out of his seat and throwing
his arms in the air. "Hooray!"

Hidan rolled his eyes as
he pushed his disgustingly bloody steak away from him. "Argh,
that's annoying!" As he inched his way over to Pein, he seemed
to pull his scythe from virtually out of nowhere. "I'll fix
this. My mom used to do this to me all the time."

"What, are you
fucking blind!" Hidan shouted as he struggled against his binds.
Although upset on the outside, he smirked inwardly as Itachi flinched
at his last comment. "Only stabbing and maiming will fix him!"

"Stop!"

All eyes shifted from
Hidan and Kakazu to Konan as she looked at Pein who was sitting
beside her. She slowly removed the paper flower from her head and
placed it in Pein's hand.

"How will
this--hic--help?"

"It's useless!"
Hidan shouted as Kakazu forced him back into sitting. "Fucking
useless!"

"Tobi knows
something!" Tobi said, jumping up and down, his hand flying in
the air as he waved it back and forth.

Pein sighed, not really
phased by what the others were saying. Why on
Earth did I hire these people again?
"Hiccup."

"Tobi knowsssss!"

"You guys are doing
it all wrong," Sasori said as he threw a puppet across the table
to land in front of Pein. "Working with my puppets usually makes
my hiccups go away."

There was a loud explosion
behind Pein. He turned around, meeting Deidara's grinning face. The
young terrorist held a birdie-bomb in his face-up palm. The little
bird flew above Pein's head and exloded with a large BANG.

"I thought I could
scare 'em out of you," Deidara said.

"Scaring him is
pointless. He wouldn't be a very good ninja if you could sneak up
behind him," Zetsu pointed out. "I could eat him."

There was silence
(excluding Pein's hiccups) as everyone stared at the giant plant.
Tobi even stopped jumping up and down.

"You're all going
about this the wrong way," Kisame said. "The only thing you
need to do to get rid of hiccups is drink a glass of water."
Pein watched with eager eyes as Kisame took his cup, originally
filled with tea, and dumped it out onto the floor. He then brought
the cup up to his mouth and vomitted water into it. He handed the cup
to Pein, a goofy, pointy-toothed grin on his face.

"That's
just...gross," Hidan said.

"Tobi
knows! Tobi knows! Tobi knows!"

"What--hic--is
it, Tobi?"

"Tobi
is a good boy."

º
º º

Yay!
The end sucks, but yay! Regardless of how it turned out, it was so
much fun to write. I blame my friend for getting the hiccups while we
were talking about the latest Naruto chapter. Tsk, tsk. Anyway,
another random product of our boredom and crazy conversations
resulted in "Akatsuki Baby" by Mei-chan4. Read it; it's
funny, I promise.

This
was...my first actual attempt at humor. It was horrible, I know. When
I try to write humor, everything I learned about writing just goes
down the drain. And yes, poor Pein's hiccups were never cured.
Honestly, though, what can you expect from a group of missing nin
murderers? They don't know anything outside of killing people and
sucking out Jinchuriki souls. Oi. Review and let me know what you
think.

The author would like to thank you for your continued support. Your review has been posted.