Meaty Remnants from author Timothy Baker

Trickle of Conciousness: A Random Series of Mindless Minutiae

CAUTION: THE SEQUENCE OF WORDS YOU ABOUT TO READ (except these) MAY BE SHOCKING, PROFANE, INFLAMMABLE, ABSURD, OUTRAGEOUS, SENSELESS, SMELLY, TASTELESS, AND MAY CAUSE LAUGHTER, DERISION, ANGER, WEEPING, DUMBFOUNDEDNESS, HEADACHES, NIGHT TERRORS, DIARRHEA, BLUSHING, GENITAL RETRACTION, GENITAL ENLARGEMENT, ACNE, FALLING UP STAIRS, LOSS OF FAITH IN HUMANITY, OR FINGER CRAMPS BECAUSE YOU CAN’T CLICK FAST ENOUGH TO GET AWAY AND ON TO SOMETHING MORE INTERESTING ON THE INTERNET. THIS WARNING MAY BE DISREGARDED AS IT COULD BE HYPERBOLE AND SIMPLY MEANT TO GET YOUR ATTENTION.

Still here? Brave reader. I’m writing this simply because I want to…

Really, I don’t want to talk about myself cuz I ain’t that interesting. That was my musical digression. There may be more digressions, so get used to it. But really, I’m writing this because I’ve been editing my novel, HUNGRY GHOSTS (remember that title), and have not been writing anything new. And editing is borrrrring. I needed to write something, set my imagination free for a bit, let my words fly from my fingers, and just let my mind take a crap. You did read the warning above, right? I’m writing this off the cuff, so I will not be checking for typoS, punctuation: speeling, or grammar errors in which I use my grammar-check for. Okay, that’s a lie. I’m a writer and that shite is our bane, and checking and correcting is like an ADHD compulsion and It. Never. Ends.

So, profane up to first bat…

( From here on, unless otherwise specified, “snickerdoodle” will be substituted for the feline version for a woman’s genitials)

Today I read a post on FB from a friend overhearing an exchange in a supermarket. A man and his wife (I’m assuming) are looking at fresh seafood, and he asks the seemingly rhetorical question, “I wonder what that tuna tastes like?” A lady passing behind them answered simply, “Snickerdoodle.” If I had been there I would’ve spat the milk out my nose from the carton I was drinking from. Ignoring that, my comment was of my astonishment at a man not knowing what tuna tastes like. Assuming he had tasted tuna before, I thought it was a question below stupid. I mean, it’s like asking, “I wonder what that banana tastes like?” It tastes like damn banana, Micro-Brainiac! *smack*. My friends response was, “well, he knows now.” Granted, he MAY have never ate tuna before, but the ladies answer is soooo off base and does tuna AND snickerdoodle a great disservice. Tuna does not taste like snickerdoodle, nor does snickerdoodle taste like tuna. That comparison has been around since, hell, I don’t know, but whoever started it had their taste-buds destroyed at some medieval chili cook-off in the middle of Ghost Pepper country. If tuna tasted like snickerdoodle I would think it’s gone bad and my cats would get a treat. And if I ever caught just a whiff of tuna from snickerdoodle, I think I would call it a night, and feint passing out, drunk or not. Now, don’t get me wrong, I love tuna, make sandwiches often, and I love snickerdoodle even more, but if one tastes like the other, something is off, and red flags go up. Each taste great if fresh, but should not imitate the other. No guy (or gal, for that matter) while feasting on snickdoodle, answered when asked by said snickerdoodle owner, “Does it taste good, baby?”, paused in their lathering, and responded, “Like chicken-of-the-sea!” I’m not fond of having my plate removed before I’m full, nor getting a black-eye and/or a busted lip. Usually the answer is, if one can talk, something akin to, “Like posey nectar and honey, my dearmumblemumblemumble.” It’s a lie, but who can think in the middle of animal lust? So, it does beg the question: what DOES snickerdoodle taste like? Saying a banana taste like a banana, isn’t enough, I realize. It’s hard to put into words, even being a writer. I can only say snickerdoodle tastes like…

Musk Ox. Ovibos moschatus. This majestic and powerful beast, “…noted for its thick coat and for the strong odor…”, makes its home in the Artic, primarily in Alaska and Greenland. Hunted like everything else man has a hankering to throw a bullet at, its meat, when fileted and marinated properly, is tender and tastes neither gamey or wild, but has a delicate flavor, much like…posey nectar and honey.

Well, I feel better now and I’m tapped out for the moment. It was fun and I need a Jack shot and a cigarette. I think I’ll do this again, so watch out, that is, if I don’t get burned at the stake before I can.

Till next time, I’ll take that shot and leave you with one of my favorite rock songs from the Greatest Rock ‘n Roll Band In The World (don’t bother, I won’t debate it) with vocals and lyrics from a street poet that just kept getting better and better at his craft. *Raises my shot glass* Here’s to Bon, May He Rock Forever. (I’d say RIP, but it’s so cliche, and I don’t think Bon could do it.)