WHEN they were growing up, Elizabeth Lesser’s relationship with her younger sister Maggie was dominated by sibling rivalry and competition.

Elizabeth Lesser donated her bone marrow to try and save her younger sister's life

By the time they were adults, they lived thousands of miles away from each other and barely talked.

Yet when Maggie was diagnosed with an aggressive form of blood cancer in 2005, it was Elizabeth whom she called first. “I was the first person she reached out to, which was a surprise to both of us,” says Elizabeth, 63, an author and co-founder of the Omega Institute, an adult education centre in New York.

“I knew she’d had pains in her stomach and had been feeling poorly but nothing prepares you to hear the C word.

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“I went with her to her next appointment and when doctors told her how serious it was, she fainted. I held her close and from that moment on our relationship began to heal.”

Growing up in Long Island, New York, Elizabeth and Maggie were close as children. Yet by the time they were teenagers, their relationship had deteriorated. “We were a tight-knit family, I was one of four sisters,” says Elizabeth, who lives in Hudson Valley, New York, with husband Tom, 67, a lawyer.

“We spent a lot of time together going for hikes in the mountains and taking trips to the ocean.” However, battles over school achievements and personality clashes caused a sibling rivalry so severe it would destroy the sisters’ once-close relationship.

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The sisters had a 'soul transplant' and became closer than ever

“I had a big, confident personality. Maggie was two years younger and felt she had to push to get attention from our parents.

“It led to conflict and competition and as we got older, resentment began to creep in.” By the time Elizabeth and Maggie, who worked as a nurse and an artist, were adults they rarely spoke.

When the doctors told her how serious it was, she fainted

Elizabeth Lesser

“I moved to California and she stayed in the town in Vermont where my parents had moved to. We had very different lifestyles. She was part of her small community and I went into the bigger world,” explains Elizabeth.

“I got into meditation and yoga and she thought it was nonsense. She was very pragmatic.” Elizabeth got divorced in her early 30s and, unbeknown to her, Maggie was also having marital troubles but couldn’t bring herself to reach out to her sister.

“We would gather at our parents’ house with our children and share pleasantries but nothing more,” says Elizabeth, who has three sons Rahm, 39, Daniel, 35 and Michael, 34.

However everything changed after Maggie’s diagnosis in 2005. Told that she had mantle cell lymphoma, Maggie was scheduled for gruelling rounds of chemotherapy and radiotherapy.

A year later, doctors gave her the all-clear. “They even began to use words like ‘cured’,” says Elizabeth. “In the years that followed her life became wonderful. As well as going back to work she devoted more time to her beloved art, divorced and fell in love again.

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The doctors did their best to save Maggie but the cancer returned

“And our relationship was better than ever, I had my Maggie back.” Yet in February 2013, Maggie’s cancer returned and this time doctors told her she would need a bone marrow transplant.

“Even though I was her sister, there was still only a 25 per cent chance I would be a match,” says Elizabeth. “So when doctors swabbed my cheek and confirmed in the March that I could help her, I was over the moon.

“I would have moved Heaven and Earth to help her, it was a no-brainer. She was my little sister,” says Elizabeth.

In June, Elizabeth underwent a procedure to remove her stem cells. Then, in September, after Maggie had finished chemotherapy, doctors completed the transplant.

ELIZABETH read everything she could get her hands on about bone marrow transplants. “When researching what could go wrong, I kept coming across two words: ‘reject’ and ‘attack’, which described what my cells could do when put into Maggie,” says Elizabeth.

“When I thought about it, it was what Maggie and I had done to each other our whole lives.” Determined to help her sister as much as possible, Elizabeth hit upon a novel idea.

“I came up with the notion of a ‘soul marrow transplant’ for Maggie and myself. “We would examine our family history, have the difficult conversations we had never had, upend old assumptions and offer each other forgiveness.

Seeing each other, down to the marrow of our souls, we would ask each other questions such as ‘What have I done to hurt you? Will you listen? Will you forgive me?”

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Elizabeth said Maggie helped her discover what it truly means to have love, warmth and acceptance

Maggie agreed and the sisters began to see a therapist, as well as keeping a diary and talking for hours on end. “Nothing was off limits, we laid our whole lives out for each other,” says Elizabeth.

For much of the time, Maggie was in isolation to protect her from infection but Elizabeth would visit every day and keep her company. She says she found out things about her sister she would have never known otherwise.

“Maggie had felt very unseen and not respected by me throughout her childhood. She thought I judged her as a little girl whose life was less important,” says Elizabeth.

“On the flip side, I had felt very hurt by her when I had divorced and it was a very difficult time of life. I needed her but she rejected me.

We cried of course, and even shouted but boy did we laugh a lot too. At the end all that was left was love. She was my best friend.”

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As the days wore on, the sisters healed. When Maggie came out of hospital several months later, Elizabeth moved in to nurse her. Yet, despite the doctors’ best efforts, in September 2014 Maggie’s cancer returned.

This time the diagnosis was bleak. “She was just too weak to fight the illness, it was relentless,” says Elizabeth.

In January 2015, Maggie died peacefully surrounded by her family. Elizabeth was by her side and describes the moment she knew her sister was gone.

“It was as if she was asleep, it was very calm. It was the way she wanted to go,” she says. “Afterwards we cried and talked about how proud we were of her.”

Elizabeth says she thinks about her sister every day and she tries to live a life she would be proud of.

“I learned so much and that is all down to her. I found out what it truly means to have love, warmth and acceptance,” she says.

“People often say ‘If only I hadn’t waited, it’s too late’ so I am so glad I got the chance to heal my relationship with Maggie. “Now I don’t wait for the ‘What ifs?’ I ask, I say, I do.”

Interview by HANNAH BRITT

● To order a copy of Marrow: A Love Story by Elizabeth Lesser (Harper Wave, £16.99) call the Express Bookshop on 01872 562 310 or visit expressbookshop.com