Beryllium nitricum for social phobia

de Carlos Lima Melo

Abstract: This is a remarkable case of a
young man with a severe social phobia, treated with a hitherto unknown remedy,
with beautiful results. One can see the themes of Beryllium and Nitricum
emerging, as well as the young man himself coming out of an anxious, reclusive
life into a joyful and enthusiastic one.

The case involves a 21 year old male
student, who comes for treatment due to depression, which he describes as a
social phobia. He has been diagnosed as schizophrenic in the past by a
psychiatrist, which he tremendously resents. He lives more in a virtual world
than in the world of living people, to which he cannot relate. He is thin, of
average height, and he suffers from severe acne on his face, which has been
treated unsuccessfully with antibiotics. “The
acne destroyed my self-esteem.”

The central theme of Beryllium nitricum is
summed up as follows: “It is difficult
for me to manage my life, therefore I cannot forgive anyone who, in my opinion,
disturbs this process.”

“My
biggest complaint is that I cannot adapt to social relationships. I am ashamed
of myself for not having a social life; I have a social phobia. I am
despondent, stuck within myself, closed; I have no enthusiasm for life. I have no confidence and I am very concerned
about other people’s opinions of me. I
do not grow up and I do not participate in life. I am stuck at home, broken and insecure, and
it is difficult for me to leave. At home, I feel some comfort but whenever I
leave I am uncomfortable. I am trying to
adapt to the environment where I have always lived. It is reflected in my dreams – I had a
nightmare involving my relatives, where I acted like an autistic boy. I am unable to carry out daily activities; I
buy bread as though I am doing it for the first time. As a child, I was shy; at school I was
introverted but on the playground I was extroverted. I was afraid of many
things: birds, the dark, and of being alone. My mother put me in day-care, it
was unbearable. I do not know what my ability is and I feel a sense of
powerlessness. I try to feel good in order to achieve something in life, my
lack of goal affects my sense of self esteem, I cannot initiate anything. I would like to live with people who are more
open to dialogue but having to be sociable is torture. I don’t talk to others
about my life. I hate being looked at or touched but I am always looking at
things. I want to wear dark glasses in the classroom because I suspect that
people can see that there is something wrong with me if they look in my eyes.
It feels like people are analysing me, saying things about me, so I can’t stand
to look at someone’s face unless he/she knows nothing about me. I am only a
grain of sand but someone is observing. If you hold onto your pain you cannot
look at faces. I have panic attacks, a sense of anguish, when people observe me
or question me about my life; after all, everyone has their own life history
and genetics, something that favours a few and makes others sick. I get hives when
I do physical exercise or when I am euphoric, afflicted and anxious. Sometimes,
I wake up in the middle of the night with palpitations, gasping for air as if I
were drowning.

My father finds my behaviour absurd and acts
as if I were a psychotic escaping from reality. He tells me “put your feet on
the ground!” I wanted to impress him,
for instance at football, which he loves to watch, but he didn’t come when I
got my first goal. I was never praised by him, he preferred to beat me. My
brother disrupts my space. He meddles in my life and ruins my friendships,
creating a hellish climate. In fact, no one has ever respected my space. I
resent my father because he did not know how to raise me and I resent my
brother because of his malicious comments. I am saddened because my mother is a
victim, she does not have the minimum of understanding to help me, and she just
suffocates me. I know am wrong in being
so affected by discord, when forgiveness should prevail, but I do not manage to
delete the thoughts of my obscure and anguished past. The hatred is poisoning
my soul. I feel an unjustifiable hatred for many relatives and people close to
me, especially my father; I cannot forgive him. I want to sue the psychiatrist
who diagnosed me wrongly. If someone hurts me deeply, it is hard for me to
forgive, except if they know nothing about me. I cannot take a joke, I take
everything personally. I am very intolerant of contradictions and I will impose
my will in whatever way necessary, and run over others. I am very egoistic
because of my imbalance. The past always leaves me overwhelmed, I must stop
being neurotic or I will go crazy.

I am
ashamed to show my feelings because people will think that I am gay. I hate it
when people compare romanticism with homosexuality. I am very attached to dogs,
I play with them when I am not feeling good about life. They are faithful, they
do not hurt you. I am very attracted to blond girls and I have a strong libido,
but my anxiety prevents me from making real contact. I live in cyberspace, I only
watch videos and look at photos, and I masturbate. I comfort myself with coffee
and by stroking my hair, smoothing my head with my fingers. I used to put a
towel on my hair to cool my head. I always wear my shirt inside out. Let’s see
whether my body helps to enter the rhythm, in the groove.”

Various remedies were given, starting with Hydrastis
canadensis, then Stramonium. Due to the vengeful attitude, I considered a
nitricum: first, Calcium Nitricum, then Baryta Nitricum, Cobaltum Nitricum, and
finally Beryllium Nitricum 200C. It
became clear that some symptoms belonged to the nitricums, as we know them from
Nitric Acid and Nitrogenium, and others from Beryllium, with its reluctance to
enter life. Both Beryllium and
Nitrogenium belong to the second row of the periodic table, in which, according
to Jan Scholten, one is finding one’s way in the physical world. Beryllium, element number four, represents a
childlike stage, barely peeking out of one’s safe environment and learning to
adapt to an outer world. Nitrogen, element seven, is further along, and is
learning to find enjoyment, especially in the physical aspects of life, and can
be vengeful if this is hindered in some way. This remedy was given hesitantly, as there is no proving of it and no
information to rely on, but this was the one that lead to a major breakthrough.

“I
woke up feeling lighter, my libido had improved. Small resentments remain
toward my father because he did not know how to raise me and toward my brother for his malicious
comments, but nothing that disturbs our relationship. I feel better each day.
Little by little I am taking back my autonomy. I am less anxious and I feel an
extra vigour in the morning when I run. I have started to leave the house in a
disarmed, relaxed spirit. Hives have appeared which itch when I begin to exercise
or when I feel a strong emotion, such as fright, surprise anger or
disaffection.”

One month later:

“I am
calmer, less anxious, interacting more with my family. This medicine has really
had a favourable effect, different from all the others that I took. I am not
imprisoned in the house; I am running daily and cycling. I am in full recovery,
thankful that this door which has opened in my life. Before that I was
depleted, reaching my limit.”

Two months later, after another dose of Beryllium
nitricum 200C:

“I
woke up with an enviable disposition! In the past, I took out all my
frustration on the house staff. Now I am lighter, less anxious, and less tense.
I must exercise my spiritual side. I want to improve my cognitive side, to
study about sports, particularly football, or orthopaedic medicine. I have
moved away from the cybernetic world. I want to forget my troubled past and
think about a promising future. I am aware of a wonderful evolution on the
physical side. The somatic symptoms do not scare me anymore; the chills and the
tachycardia when leaving the house have disappeared. The emotional side still
unbalances me, paralyses me a little in spite of my efforts. I want to
socialise. I am regaining confidence, without neurosis and paranoia, more
centred in the objectives that I want to reach. I feel only a little discomfort
when I am in a new situation but this seems normal for someone who has spent so
much time without a real social life. I have an athletic body again. The hives
have disappeared.”

Three months later, after a dose a
Beryllium nitricum C1000:

“Beryllium
Nitricum C1000 directly reached my soul. I am still having some relapses but I
am smarter and more secure. When adverse reactions occur in my behaviour, I am
not so rebellious; I face them with a certain tranquillity and a good mood. My
relationship with my father is improving over time and I am exercising patience
with my closer relatives.”

Five months later:

“These
days, I understand that my wicked comments were clear evidence of my emotional
imbalance, so they created envy and grudges. I am releasing myself from the
cobweb that my mind has made in the past, and I can see that in my environment.
I was visited by two childhood friends: in the past I would have stayed locked
in my room, rebellious, but today I was there with them, even though it was
kind of strange. I can see that this medicine is the way out for me. Due to my
isolation, I was imprisoned in feelings of infancy but now I must get on with
my life and let things happen naturally. I will conquer new spaces, study,
pursue my career, and structure my personal life. My physical condition is spectacular;
my body is athletic and ready for football. The relationship with my brother is
milder and I can already forgive him his frivolous judgements and comments.
Homeopathy has given me hope. Sometimes, I have the behaviour of a child who
jumps, cries out and dances, and for me that is a good sign!”

Seven months later:

“Beryllium
nitricum has pushed me to a self-reflection and revived my life plans.
Sometimes, a continuous flow of positive emotions, of optimism and faith in
life appears. As soon as I absorb a globule of the medicine, I feel a
considerable change in my mood that makes me remember my wonderful childhood
(!).

My
generosity is emerging, this makes me remember the good moments of life. I am
smiling again; my appearance no longer transmits as much sadness as before. I
walk the streets of the neighbourhood with astonishment, as if I am trying to
adapt to the environment where I have always lived. I joke with my family these
days and I am more open with them. I can have quarrels with my father or
brother and only be angry for a few minutes, with no resentment. I have begun a harmonising process with my
family, now I am conscious that my father, my brother, and my mother are my
best friends. I hope soon to be able to live normally in the social
environment. I dream differently about
women, too – I feel the possibility of establishing an authentic steady
emotional life. My difficulty in looking into people’s eyes has improved
considerably.”

Eight months later:

“I
have put aside my pride and I am going to make peace with my parents. I still
have some acne but it heals faster and does not bother me. I think that it is possible
for me to let go of a girl I was attached to platonically and to become
involved with another one. I am not so
anxious about leaving my house and being among people – it seems that I had
created my universe away from everything. I now feel confident about putting my ideals
into practice. Sometimes, a positive flow appears and I become very lively and
I dance in front of the mirror, making random movements. This is the real me
and I am sure that it is a positive effect of Beryllium nitricum.”