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Sunday, October 3, 2010

Many of these days, I keep questioning myself what I would do if I decide to just be an individual person of help to those who are suffering. I would be able to relate my emotions more truly without the constraints of being part of an organization. I would truly be a nomad moving from one place to another doing whatever little help, making those small differences, adding life skills and passing on my values. I would have no one to command but just be a partner for someone, some groups of human beings who wants solace in life and a better tomorrow. I would just be answerable to my own conscience and to those lives I am part of. There will still be goals, changes, improvements, setbacks but no reports to write about, nothing to tell anyone.

Deep inside, this is me..these are the reasons Payir was founded. My life is meant to be lived this way. Now, it hurts with such pain that no longer my life is this way.Why is it, people have to find a motive with Payir except other than these? While I understand and value discussions, debates and sharing ideas, Why is it, people want to push their own "development theories and timelines" when I live my life only for these ideals? Why is it sometimes, "the purpose and effect of use" of donations/contributions not only be explained but rationally proved?! Why is it, Payir and myself are not considered as an instrument in and for the community and every minute of our existence goes on thinking about the community we share our lives with?

My journey continues in search of a better answer than the narrow constrains of being part of an organization ... knowing and working with its own practical limitation.