The Lying Jones’s

These are the things that we all talk about and think about. They’re the things that we foolishly believe are actually attainable. Every day, we struggle along trying to get ourselves closer to that pretty little picture in our head. But newsflash people, it doesn’t exist or it’s too expensive or lonely or boring or on the other side of the world.

Life is just way too short to worry so much about people who don’t even remotely affect your life. The people who truly matter and want to be in my life, love me exactly as I am. Why isn’t that good enough? Perfect is a whole lotta work, and frankly I’m just altogether too tired, too busy and too old to even care anymore.

No more keeping up with the Jones’s and no more pretending like everything is perfect. It’s time to open the blinds, take off the Spanx and let it all hang out. I’m officially drawing a line in the sand and being absolutely, totally okay with me, my life and all that I have.

SO to encourage you to do the same, I give you this. My list of Imperfections. Probably one of the most honest & “I should probably be more embarrassed” about this than I am lists that I’ve ever written.

1. My TV is on for probably 14 hours a day. I’m not always actually watching it, but I am listening. I don’t handle quiet well at all, so TV has become my background noise that is someway, somehow keeping me sane. Or wired. I can’t decide.

2. My kitchen is never clean. Ever. Like seriously, NEVER. And for the love of all things holy, do not open my cupboards cause well, the kitchen is glorious compared to the state they’re in. In fact, I haven’t washed my floors in probably 5 years. Thankfully, I have a housekeeper that comes in weekly because if she didn’t, my bathtub and floors would never get washed.

3. I don’t exercise. At all. In fact, the only time that I actually walk somewhere is if I’m going shopping. And in that case, I can walk miles and miles and miles. This may also be contributing to my fatness.

4. My bedroom is a disaster, a full-on, I should probably be grounded kinda mess. My kids rooms get cleaned all the time, because I threaten them with punishments if they aren’t clean. I’ve got no one threatening to take away my phone so my room has become a pile of small piles spread around the entire space. Well, that’s not exactly true – my husbands section is clean, but I’m going to take over his side at some point, and well … he may move into the living room. But he won’t be any better off there.

5. I drive a Lincoln Navigator. It gets washed 2 times a year, assuming Kevin takes it into the car wash. The bolts on the running boards rusted off so they were held on by bungee cords for almost a year, before I just finally had them removed altogether. I backed out of the garage and ripped my fancy power folding and heated mirror off. I repaired it with black electrical tape and with bi-monthly “repairs”, it survived a full year until my Dad fixed it a few months ago. The interior is also really sticky, and I’m not really sure how or why. I think I’m supposed to care more about the state of my fairly expensive vehicle, but I don’t. Not at all, and this may actually be the thing that kills my husband.

6. I own lots of Coach items. I bought them all on Ebay or at Ross in the States. I REFUSE to pay full retail for anything, not because I can’t afford it but because I can buy MORE things if they cost less. I need All. The. Things.

7. I don’t shower enough. I’m blaming that one on Motherhood and the fact that by the time my kids are all settled enough for me to get there, I’ve found 89 other things to do. Dry Shampoo is the bomb.

9. I have a Target problem. Not a little one either … it’s like an addiction that calls my name. It’s magical powers and red tagged – end of the aisles displays are too much for me to resist. I probably should get counselling or have my red card taken away.

10. I have no idea how to: start the lawnmower, change the oil, change a tire, make a fire, etc. AND I have no desire to learn. I have a Father and a Husband and sons and my best friends husband Drew so I really don’t need to know. I also have no issues with pulling the “I’m a girl” card to get what I want.

Heck to the yeah! Are you sure my Hubby#1 didn’t give you quotes about me because all of the above is true except I can change a tire (but why would I ever, that is what AMA is for) and our Master bedroom is neat and tidy. Because I have a whole room mockingly called my ‘dressing room’ for most of my stuff. Then there are clothes, coats and purses in the spare room walk-in double closet too. Oh, and the other rooms closet and the garment stands which are for “seasonal items” that never seem to be rotated.

I love this, April! My kitchen is only clean for photos and company. Cleaning is SO low on my priority list, and I share it freely (even when eyebrows raise). 🙂 I also hear ya on the shopping, TV, and exercise. We could be twinzies!