5 Sex Positions Men Think Women Hate

The concept of sex is simple: put something in a hole. If done correctly, it will lead to an orgasm. If done incorrectly, it can lead to embarrassing trips to the emergency room and/or great material for Judd Apatow’s next rom-com. If you want to get fancy and go longer, try tantric sex. If you want to push your boundaries, invest in a strap-on or knock on another door. The internet will be your best friend for however you decide to spice things up.

Recently, however, more than I’ve heard men talking about exploring new positions, I’ve instead heard them talking about the sex positions they think women hate. You know, why women are dragging down their sex lives. So, out of curiosity, I researched exactly that—sex positions women hate—to see what they were talking about. Lo and behold, I stumbled upon a Men’s Health article titled “5 Sex Positions She Hates” from February 2016. My initial thought upon reading the story, which does not identify the gender of the author, was, “Thank god our husbands/boyfriends/sort of boyfriends/fuckboys have this fine literature to guide them!”

Unfortunately, the article overlooks one huge fact about sex, and it happens to be the best thing about sex. No two sessions are ever identical—no matter the players. There are so many different positions, kinks, roles and fetishes to explore that everyone is bound to argue over which they loathe and love. But that’s what makes sex great. Sex isn’t a routine. It’s an experience. So, after reading the article and face-palming myself a lot, I decided it was a woman’s job to debunk these myths and prove that the sex positions women “so-call hate,” we actually kinda dig.

REVERSE COWGIRL
In the article, some doctors doctors-plained that reverse cowgirl might break a man’s junk because the curvature of the penis has a hard time coinciding with the angle of a vagina. Since Men’s Health consulted a doctor, I decided to ask my own gynecologist about this. As suspected, while reverse cowgirl may not be a popular sex position, it’s not as dangerous as Men’s Health makes it out to be.

For those unfamiliar with reverse cowgirl, it’s what it sounds like. The woman, on top, is turned around so she’s facing away from her man while still straddling him. The only thing that would make this position’s name more accurate is if women threw on cowboy hats every time they assumed the position. While I’ll admit that reverse cowgirl isn’t at the top of my own list, many of the women I’ve spoken to swear by it.

Why do some women love it so much? For one, it puts women in charge of penetration. We get to control the speed, angle and depth of penetration. Reverse cowgirl has the power to create incredible physical and visual stimulation for men, but it also gives women a great angle to the G-spot. Some women I spoke to also pointed out that it’s the perfect position for your “friend with benefits” or one-night stand because it’s not too emotional. Eyes aren’t locking during reverse cowgirl. With women facing away from men, intimacy is kept at an arm’s length—literally.

DOGGY STYLE
Contrary to what some may think, women do like being bent forward on all fours and taken from behind—just as long as they aren’t made to feel like objects. I don’t have a favorite sex position—they’re like my children and choosing just one is my Sophie’s Choice—but this position is favorable because, while it may seem like the man is in control, the woman always is. We ladies can angle ourselves into whatever position feels best and still have the ability to thrust. We may also get the deepest penetration possible in this position.

And guys, if you want some doggy style bonus points, try bending forward as well, sliding your fingers between her thighs and toying with her clit. A woman I spoke to brought up perhaps the greatest benefit of this position: it doesn’t require a bed. You can use it all over the house: in the shower, standing on a staircase while holding onto the bannister or leaning over the kitchen counter or desk. Pro-tip: a dryer that’s on the spin cycle will work a woman’s body like a giant vibrator and suddenly makes chores sound extremely appealing.

MISSIONARY
The missionary position is the Honda Civic of sex postions. It’s reliable and practically the only position portrayed in rom coms. In fact, in 2008, the missionary position was featured in more movies than Nicholas Cage for the first time ever. But we’ve all heard the stigma: it’s boring, it’s unoriginal, it’s lame. Men’s Health’s doctors claimes that “it doesn’t hit the right spots.”

No, missionary alone won’t get us off. But you know what will? All the stuff that should accompany it. You can get some mouth and breast action, you can put one leg up, two legs up, and ladies can experience the benefits of masturbation and penetration in tandem. I personally love the feeling of my partner entering me while I can pull him in closer, run my legs against his body, grab his ass and run my hands through his hair. Seeing my partner respond positively turns me on more and thus, makes the sex altogether better.

Most women I talked to agree that men are at peak hotness in missionary. From our points-of-view, guys look primal. Their arms are bulging from balancing over us and their abs are crunched and rippling. It’s a great view for the ladies—at least for the ones who aren’t screwing Chris Christie lookalikes. Any woman who says she “hates missionary” obviously hasn’t tried all the fun accompaniments. It’s like saying “I hate bread!” without having ever tried avocado toast. Missionary is hot; if you don’t think so, you’re not doing it right.

THE GIRL-ON-TOP
There’s a myth swirling that women don’t like being on top because they’re self-conscious. I’ll admit that during my first time trying this position, I did feel a little weird knowing the guy was staring up at my chin. But once I learned how just much control I had, that insecurity melted away. Not to mention, I can simply turn off the lights on days when I’ve had one slice too many.

Many women say being on top is the easiest way to get them to come because they can ride at their own pace and touch their clit at the same time. Also, being in charge of how fast you go can vary sensations without having to change positions. And then there was my friend: she says she loves being on top because it doesn’t mess up her hair. “I worked so hard to get my curls perfectly tamed. The last thing I need is a man rubbing my head vigorously against a pillow like he’s trying to light a fire in the sheets,“ she says. While I don’t personally mind a little sex hair, I do like not having to worry about my makeup smearing on the sheets.

SIXTY-NINE
This is the Nickelback of sex postions. This position exists so highschool kids can giggle and have something to use in their first e-mail addresses. I’ll give it to the editors at Men’s Health, they were right about this one. I’ve never met a woman who didn’t hate this position. The problem with 69ing is purely logistical. On paper it sounds okay: you scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours, then we’ll lick crotches. Yay, teamwork!

In reality, you’re squatting over faces, things don’t line up right when someone is much taller or much shorter, you miss your mark, one of you gets distracted by the pleasure you’re receiving, a stray teste in the eye detaches a retina, etc. There’s too much going on. It’s like rubbing your belly while patting your head. So, my advice is to alter this position a tad into into a new sex trend called 9ing. Others might know it as cunnilingus. I promise you, your woman won’t complain one bit.