Conversation between the women at the Riella-Schwarz engagement party ranged from Bikram Yoga to laughing so hard that pee happens. Manteca’s finest.

Photo contributed/

There’s nothing like an engagement party to start the spring season. A renewed vigor spurned by the company of love and hope – and a few cocktails to encourage heady conversation. The home of John and Jacque Riella was the place; the upcoming marriage of their daughter Janelle and fiancé Jan Schwarz the occasion.

The themed drink of the night was the Moscow Mule served by son-in-law/bartender Jeremy Boudreaux, and that mule was one “kick-ass!” Each drink led to more than one ridiculously amazing quote after another. I took it upon myself as a columnist to peruse the grounds in search of just these:

• Ran into Rick Riella early on. “Hey Chris, you’re wearing a tie? If I knew you were gonna I’d have done the same. I’ve got a spiffy pink bow tie that goes with this suit – a real wing-dinger.” Letting me know he’s not only fashion savvy, but speaks like he’s in a Clark Gable movie. I moved on.

• Headed over to the cool kids’ corner, found the likes of Sally Andreeta, Sarah Quaresma, and Jenneane Rocha enjoying a laugh. To which Sarah replied, “Don’t make me laugh too hard. It makes me pee.” She must’ve seen my head tilt like a confused dog, and I asked if this was a common occurrence. She explained, “Only since I had my twins a few years back.” My further look of confusion led her to give me the physiological explanation for such an occurrence. Frightened and disturbed, I moved on.

• Finally, I found my boys crowded around the food and the bar. Teddy Garwood, Brock Hiatt, Omar Villanueva, and Richie Teicheira – surely this is my comfort zone. They became a bit tight-lipped upon my approach, and checked all sides before speaking to me. They wanted to know if I was interested in getting in on the ground floor of their new business idea – “The JETBOIL” ramen cooker. Then I made the mistake of asking about it. Garwood acted as pitchman. “How many times have you been sitting around waiting for your Top Ramen to cook, and thinking there has gotta be a quicker way than three minutes?!” I answered “Every time,” of course. “Well with your brother’s vast Top Ramen knowledge and my engineering genius, we’re gonna make the perfect product. The 90-second ramen noodle!” Garwood added. Now I was truly intrigued. My brother Richie has long been a Top Ramen master chef, adding eggs, linguica, and numerous additions to his culinary ramen perfection. Some have called him the Leonardo da Vinci of ramen noodles. I wondered aloud if this was even possible. To which Villanueva replied, “Look at Teddy’s cufflinks. You think a man wears cufflinks that dazzling and then doesn’t know what he’s talking about?!” He was right, they were stunning! I listened for a few more minutes at their talks of future stocks and the overseas market. It became apparent the Moscow Mules were in charge of this conversation. I once again moved on, but only after negotiating myself into a possible spokesperson position within their company.

• I bellied up and ordered my own Moscow Mule from Boudreaux, asking him for the ingredients. “I’m not really sure at this point, but I keep pouring them, and they keep drinking them,” Boudreaux said in his southern drawl. “Besides I’m from Louisiana, and a gentleman never tells.” A fine answer, if I do say so myself, but he’d obviously been kicked by The Mule himself. I moved on

• I made my way back to the ladies, where Jenneane Rocha was showing off her boyfriend to the group. Rocha the former “Miss Portugal by way of Manteca” has traveled the world looking for her perfect Portuguese guy. “I’ve been to Portugal, the Azores, even Gustine, but I found Ethan in Rancho Cordova.” Ethan made mention that he’s only a quarter Portuguese. To which Rocha quickly retorted, “Yeah, but he makes four times the effort, so it all evens out.” All the while, Sally Andreeta wanted everyone to know that “Bikram Yoga is like church for me ... and my class is full of gay sailors.” The Mule was winning. I moved back to the bar.

• “Shares are up from $26 to $44 Teicheira, you should’ve committed to JETBOIL earlier ya dummy!” said CEO “Cufflinks” Garwood. Damn this Mule!

And as I snuck out the door to the sounds of a classic Manteca vs Tracy Football argument in one corner, and a friend trying to convince a taxi cab driver to bring them some pizza in another, one lesson rang true: Don’t mess with the Moscow Mule. Hee-haw!

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Coming Soon

The MRPS Hall’s Steak and Shrimp Dinner/Dance is Saturday, April 12, at 6 p.m. Dinner is served at 7. Bacon wrapped shrimp! Tickets are available; contact MRPS President Michael Pires at 209.401.4253. ... The Sierra High Sober Grad Committee is having a golf fundraiser on May 3 at Manteca Golf Course. The four-person scramble event has multiple contests and raffle items to go along with a continental breakfast and a luncheon. Please contact Lynn Allen at 209.471.1791 or got to Http://manteca.schoolspan.com/school/sierrahigh/index.asp

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SouzaPalooza

Mark Souza Jr. and his annual Tribute to Excess and Humanity are nearing. Details next week.

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Let’s Farm

The harvesting of winter crops is what’s happening in farm land. Silage trucks, up and down the road, accompany the smell of fresh cut oats and alfalfa. Long hours on a tractor can test even the strongest man’s sanity. Sun-up to sundown for a few weeks straight, with nothing but a radio and your thoughts. Scanning through the stations the other day I found Kenny Chesney’s “She thinks my tractor’s sexy” playing. I for one don’t like country music; you’d be surprised how many country boys feel the same. But “She thinks my tractors sexy”? I appreciate the sentiment, Kenny, but highly doubt my cab full of sunflower seed shells and dirty coveralls is sexy to anybody. Oh, and the smells. The inside of a tractor cab after about 10 days, can take on the stench of dirty goldfish bowl water. I’m sure the half eaten burritos tossed under the seat, and chewing tobacco receptacle add to that sexy ambiance. But by all means ladies, if you think our tractors are sexy, there’s a group of farmers that would love for you to stop by with a cold soda and say “Hi.” If you’re lucky enough you may get a look at our farmer tan.

And remember “It’s not where ya do, it’s what ya do.”

To contact Manteca to a T columnist Chris Teicheira, good luck. He’ll be confined to his tractor for the next few weeks. But if you’re a determined soul with something to say, you can reach him at cateicheira@hotmail.com.