Ride it Out!

Quite frankly I'm confused and saddened! I joined this site today merely out of curiosity since I am studying to be a psychologist and want to get into the mindset of the suicidal. I've been reading a lot of people's posts today; just scanning the website and reading their tragic stories etc and I just thought I would voice my opinion.

I used to be severely depressed. I had social anxiety disorder which means I was petrified whenever I had to talk to someone. And I had it BAD! I even blushed when one of my own family members talked to me. Do you know what it feels like to strive for comfort and being unable to obtain it? To be unable to converse with people or get anywhere in life because of this horrible disorder. I realised in my head that my life seemed hopeless. Most of the time I locked myself in my room and silently cried myself to sleep everynight like a hopeless blubbering baby! This carried on for a couple of years - but despite all this I never EVER considered suicide, didn't even cross my mind. Do you know why? Because I have always valued life. I value and love everyone even though I was unable to show it. People on this site need to see life for what it is - they only get one chance at it. Even though it seems unbearable what is the point of cutting it short when it's the only 80 years or so they will EVER get to experience life! I say grit your teeth and ride it out.

So what am I doing now? The one thing that used to soothe my soul was music. Whenever I got a chance I just listened and listened to beautiful compositions that give me an inner hope. The one song that really helped was Aphex twin - Avril 14th. Absolutely beautiful!! This spurred me on to make my own music and got a program off the internet called reason 4 and started making my own songs. My feelings being translated into an audio representation felt special to me. This gave me confidence and a constructive outelt to base my life around.

I also made massive improvements with my social anxiety by using cognitive behavioural therapy - This is without the aid of any counsellor or psychologist. And today I am studying to be a psychologist at university to help people who need help. I have a good group of friends, a creative outlet and more importantly a future. A drastic difference when compared to a few years ago. Hopefully people with suicidal tendencies can benefit from this and learn something...or they may not. I am just trying to demonstrate than nobody knows who they will be, or where they will be in 10, 20, 30 years time. They don't know the wonderful, beautiful people they may meet, or situations they get to experience. I know I'm curious about the future. Aren't you?

i glad that youtr life turned around. i really am. but some arent so lucky. ive been battling my demons for over 20 years now. im 46 a single mom of 4, divorced cuz of the unbearable abuse on too many levels, unemployable cuz of my mental health issues. it isnt going to get better. dead is the only thing that can possibly fix all that is wrong.
i hope you get your degree people with mental health issues and suffering from suicide and its tyhougths and urges really need professionals that truly understand it from the inside out and not just what they learn from a book. good luck.

I say grit your teeth and ride it out.
I hope you're not going to say things like that to your patients!! Oh that it was that easy..
since you've never been suicidal then you can't really know how those of us that are feel....we don't want to die!..we want the pain to stop..
I've suffered depression and suicidal thoughts for most of my life (I'm way older than Itmahanh) and tried everything in the way of treatments except ECT and because of circumstances beyond my control (I have reactive depression) nothing is helping...
and it wouldn't help me if someone said 'life is too short'...another 20 years of this misery is almost too much to comprehend..Do you know what it feels like to strive for comfort and being unable to obtain it?
yes both mentally and physically...
I hope you go on to be a compassionate and empathetic pyschologist....

Thanks for your post - always good to hear positive stories. However it's not easy to snap into a positive frame of mind for a lot of people. I couldn't imagine riding this out either, seems so overwhelming. I'm sure you'll be a good psychologist, but understand you're going to work with people in very difficult situations and maybe with very difficult people as well. It will be rewarding if you manage to help them but remember what works for one person will not work for another.

Thankyou so much for your replies. Reading back through it, I've realised that I may have been a bit tactless. You're right, everybody is different and I do not know what you're thinking, your experiences or your problems. Just because I have combatted depression doesn't mean everybody can. Also I understand what you mean IV2010 when you say ''life is too short'...another 20 years of this misery is almost too much to comprehend'. When your severely depressed obviously you don't want another 20 years of endless pain. 20 years is a very long time. I'm sorry about all of your problems, all I was trying to get at was that it might get better. When I was severely depressed I never thought it was going to better, but it did improve. I guess I was just trying to get peple to see life in a different light but obviously I've still got a lot to learn.

I only hope that I will be able to help people like you in the future and turn their lives around. Also I hope some of you did benefit in some way from my story.

Just as quickly as it improved it could just as easily deteriorate again... recurring symptoms are extremely common for people with depression so hope your smugness doesn't rise up to bite you on the arse!!! I presume you're pretty young so I'll put it down to youth and inexperience... hope you get a whole lot more of the latter before you are let loose on people in any sort of therapeutic capacity.

I seriously take issue with the 'Grit your teeth and ride it out' line. I'm sorry but that's in extremely poor taste for want of a better term. I speak as a recovered depressive who was previously suicidal. Now I've always valued life, but suicidal thoughts come round when you have not enough coping resources to deal with internal pains.

It is not chosen, it's not simply a matter of 'sucking it up'. I take on board that you posted that line with the best of intentions, but having been there I would have expected you to realise that it is not necessarily that easy. And even then, gritting your teeth and getting on with it does not actually deal with the cause, merely the symptoms.

Just as quickly as it improved it could just as easily deteriorate again... recurring symptoms are extremely common for people with depression so hope your smugness doesn't rise up to bite you on the arse!!! I presume you're pretty young so I'll put it down to youth and inexperience... hope you get a whole lot more of the latter before you are let loose on people in any sort of therapeutic capacity.

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Yes, you're right depression can be a recurring condition but the point is you live for the times when you aren't depressed. And I'm afraid I don't know what you mean by smug.
Yes I am young and I'm also learning. I think the fact that I am trying to help and trying to dedicate my life to helping people is somewhat admirable I think. And as I've already explained I've realised that some of what I said was tactless and so I'm just going to put that down as ignorance on my part. This is why I'm reading things on this forum, to get an idea of the reasoning behing your suicidal thoughts. It's a learning process. And if I have offended anyone in some way then I am sorry and I hope you will forgive me.

I seriously take issue with the 'Grit your teeth and ride it out' line. I'm sorry but that's in extremely poor taste for want of a better term. I speak as a recovered depressive who was previously suicidal. Now I've always valued life, but suicidal thoughts come round when you have not enough coping resources to deal with internal pains.

It is not chosen, it's not simply a matter of 'sucking it up'. I take on board that you posted that line with the best of intentions, but having been there I would have expected you to realise that it is not necessarily that easy. And even then, gritting your teeth and getting on with it does not actually deal with the cause, merely the symptoms.

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Yeah I wasn't sure whether that phrase was appropriate, all I meant was suicide is not the way to go. I'm glad you've recovered mate. Can I ask, were there times when you were suicidal where you thought it would never get better? And now you've recovered? It mustn't have been easy at all, but you are a prime example of what I was trying to get at. Even though it seems unbearable, for some people their life could get better. You never know unless you keep living your life, and suicide is still always an available option. If I've offended then I'm sorry, I just hope you understand what I'm trying to get at and I am only trying to help.

I'd say being suicidal is evidence in itself that you think life will never get better. It's a long slow process. As I said in my earlier post, it's more a question of can you work out the root causes of the problem. Now that may be depression, in which case you need to work out why, or Bipolar, or schizophrenia or any number of things. But one needs to find the root cause otherwise you're only treating symptoms.

You are studying psychology and you have come to this forum to get into the mindset of the suicidal. You want to become a psychologist so you can help people like us. Already you know the answers because you have yourself suffered but unlike us you never considered suicide. And your advice is to grit teeth and ride it out. You cured yourself using cognitive behavioural therapy.
What can a person who thinks they know it all learn?
Your mind seems closed shut.
What can we say to you to make you question your assumptions and learn to listen without judging?

You are studying psychology and you have come to this forum to get into the mindset of the suicidal. You want to become a psychologist so you can help people like us. Already you know the answers because you have yourself suffered but unlike us you never considered suicide. And your advice is to grit teeth and ride it out. You cured yourself using cognitive behavioural therapy.
What can a person who thinks they know it all learn?
Your mind seems closed shut.
What can we say to you to make you question your assumptions and learn to listen without judging?

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I never said I knew the answers, or that I know it all. I was just making the contrast between what I was like and what I am now. I don't quite understand what you're trying to get at.

You do not have to have committed murder, to know murder is wrong, but what one does need to know to be wise (I humbly submit), is to know you do not know...My first suicidal attempt was at age 7 and there have been countless, both explicit and counterphobic since then...I am seemingly accomplished, and live in the world, a place that can turn dark and isolating when my coping mechanisms are stressed beyond their capacity...I am a survivor of horrific child abuse and neglect, have a neopathology that has caused me to be wheelchair bound, have lost my best friend and my mother 2 months ago, and somehow, because I am the most determined, humorous and stubborn person I know, I have not lost my sense of humanity or compassion...were it that easy, to 'get over this' I would have done it already(e.g. 34 yrs of therapy, endless medications, etc.)...once I counted the cost of all of my treatment, most of which I pay for because the type of business I do, I am best that there are not records of care, I could have bought several small islands...and yes, I was a jazz singer, a pilot, a boxer, a dancer, and a semi-pro volleyball player and I cannot get into a shower today...I am Jewish/Buddhist so sit (lol) meditation is a part of my practice...what I am trying to say in this loquation is with all my experiences, I still know nothing, and I am very comfortable with that...that is how I can meet each person in the moment without a judgement other than to show compassion (and yes, I fail often because I know I am imperfect)...please learn with your heart as well as your mind...it is the best place to serve...J

Sadeyes, your story had touched me, it really has. What you have been through sounds horrific and yet you still show compassion and love. I have not had the experiences you've had and by the sounds of it your life has had much more heartache than mine. I admire your humbleness in saying you don't know everything and so are non-judgemental. It was ignorant of me to simplify people's emotions and thoughts when concerning what will happen to them in the future. You've opened my eyes, thankyou!