Four little words

I am naturally shy, verging on the introverted. I feel really uncomfortable meeting people I don’t know. And I have that seemingly inbuilt English reserve. So I’m sure it comes as no surprise that I’m ill at ease with the whole concept of self-promotion. I’m more than happy to chat with people on Facebook or Twitter but the concept of real life interaction as an author scares the bejeebus out of me. I mean, how do I even start that conversation? My full-time job means that I can’t have a public identity as an author so there’s not even a bio pic to make the introductions any easier; nobody would have the foggiest who they are talking to, unless I introduce myself.

Why am I worried about this? In November, I went to the London author event and got to meet many authors. As a reader. I fangirled with the best of the many lovely people in attendance – and stood in almost silent awe at Colleen Hoover’s table. I had self-published Curve three weeks before the event so you’d think I’d have dropped it into conversations left, right and centre, wouldn’t you? Wrong. Other than a pre-arranged meet-up with another author I know through Twitter, I managed to mention it to a grand total of three people. Yes, three. Now, maybe part of it was naivete, having not thought to take any swag etc. with me, but almost all of it was not having the courage to put it into words that I was an author. Any combination, or all, of those simple four word sentences above would have done the trick, but I couldn’t do it.

In July, there is another author event, in Edinburgh. I have tickets but have still not sorted my transport or accommodation. Whilst the expense is niggling at me (it’s the cost of the cover and formatting for Heart), I know that my procrastination is about more than that. Do I go just as a reader and not mention my author name? There’s something to be said for my work-enforced pseudonym, after all. Or do I try to adopt a more confident persona and brave it out as Nicola Hudson? Because, either way, there is an element of duplicity to my choice. Which is why a part of me is secretly hoping that Flybe run out of seats on the only flights I can fit around work. I still don’t know what I’m doing, even though there are a couple of people I would like to meet after getting to know them on social media.