For when life gets you down

One of the biggest barriers to overcoming the problems in life is being open to the possibility that we might be the problem. That may sound a little harsh, especially if we are suffering at the hands of someone else. Not quite so harsh though, when we recognise that it’s not the problem that causes us the pain but the way we respond when it occurs. Having a bad attitude or a negative outlook can mean that life’s events can often beat us down without us even realising why.

That doesn’t mean that we need to start beating ourselves up when taking responsibility for being the cause of our unhappiness. It’s not time to break out the bunting for a pity party. We might be having a so-called “run of bad luck”, but if we believe God is good we will soon find out that he’s faithful, and will be able to move on from the bad things that happened to us.

Unfortunately we have been taught to think in a particular way. Life experiences have told us who we are and what we’re capable of, or more often the case what we’re not capable of. Whatever has happened to us we can’t go back and change it. We are where we are. We may not even know how we got to where we are, but we’re here and there doesn’t seem to be a clear way out of this place. The fact is this: we’ve been lied to and have lied to ourselves. We are the ones who have listened and told ourselves that we can’t win this game of life.

There is an enemy and they are out to kill you. A contract has been put out on your life because you are a very real threat to your enemy’s plans. That at least should give you a hint that perhaps you’re more valuable than you think.

The world will tell you that you’ve got rights. That if life’s unfair to you then you have a right to justice. If you’re feeling low then you have a right to reward yourself in order to feel better. The truth is though, that outside of God you have no rights whatsoever. Our so-called rights are forfeited each and every time we reject God and do the wrong thing. The bible say that without God we also have no power and can achieve nothing of lasting value or worth. That includes the power to win in life or change our response to our experiences.

Good news: We don’t have to go back and try to fix everything in order to move forward. We can be right with God and be right with ourselves – we can do that right here and now. That’s doesn’t mean we are free from the consequences of our actions, or that we do not have to try to make amends.

If we’re going to defeat our enemy and live our lives in joy and victory we need to know our God-given rights. To be truly successful in life we need to know who we really are. God alone can give us ultimate assurance of our identity and bestow on us a security that will allow us to stand against every thing life has to throw at us.

God uncovers the lies that run through our mind, allowing us to take hold of them and dump them in the trash. We can then exercise our faith and put God’s truth in the place of those lies.

It’s important to find someone who can stand by you, pray for you and pray with you. Especially if we’re feeling weak and worn down. It is equally important not to put off tackling the lies because we’re weak. God’s power is made perfect in weakness. Now is the time to put yourself in his strong, loving arms and really wholly on him. He will come through for us; he will not forsake us.

Do yourself a favour today: Stop lying to yourself, face up to your failures and ask God to show his live-giving truth to you. He’ll not let you down.

DEAR GOD

I’m sorry that for all this time I have been lying to myself. I thought I would get away with it because I thought no-one would ever find out. You knew though. You knew all along. And even though I rejected your love and truth you still cared for me. all you were trying to do was look after me. Please forgive me.

I now want to stop the lies and begin to listen to your truth. Help me I pray. Give me the strength and wisdom to listen and put into action hope. I know that you are faithful and you will not leave me in my mess. You will bring me through and it will be for your glory. Praise be to my ever-loving father God.

AMEN

If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth
is not in us.
1 John 1:8

Do not deceive yourselves. If any of you think you are wise by the
standards of this age, you should become "fools" so that you may become
wise.
1 Corinthians 3:18

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us
our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.
1 John 1:9

What we say doesn’t just reflect our mood, it affects are mood. More than that, it affects the mood of those around us.

It’s just so easy to join in on a good grumble about all the problems that we share at work, or at church, or in life in general. We might well be the instigator of such conversations without even realising it. Of course, everyone joins in; no-one wants to offend the person who is feeling down by telling them they are wrong.

“If you can’t say something nice, don’t saying anything at all.”

To be able to move on and get beyond problems that affect us we will need to deal with the way we talk. By continually complaining and grumbling we are actually telling ourselves that things will never be any different. We confirm that we believe that the problem is too difficult to overcome and list excuses why we should not even try. Complaining undermines hope.

How many times have we watch a hollywood film where one member of a group seems intent on spoiling the hero’s plans. They go against every good idea and grumble at any attempt to get out of the current peril. We recognise them instantly as the ‘baddy’ by their behaviour. The question is though, do we recognise when we’re being the baddy in our work, or in our homes, or with our friends?

To see our situation change we need to begin to change the flavour of our conversation. This might mean just being quiet and refusing to say anything negative about a person or situation. At first this will be difficult because we’re so used to joining in with everyone else. People will expect us to back them up when talking about how terrible things are.

Here are some suggestions on practical ways to change the way we speak.

Refuse to complain about a person or situation

Make a list of positives and focus on those instead

Stay quite and listen to others when they complain

Resist being draw in to a negative conversation

If necessary, make an excuse to go and do something else

Ask questions like, “Why do you thing that is?” or “What are you going to do?”

Don’t think yourself better than others just because you’re not joining in

Give thanks to God for the other person or situation

Dear God

I’m sorry for the times I have pulled others down by the way I have spoken. Forgive me for being negative and affecting the mood of those around me. Instead of using opportunities to build others up, I have acted in weakness and joined in the complaining. Help me to now to focus on the hope you have promised me, to change the way I talk, that I might be a blessing to others. Thank you for the MARVELLOUS work you are doing in my life. Thank you that you do not leave me in my situation forever but instead help me to overcome.

Amen

The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the
body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one's life
on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.
James 3:6

Whoever keeps his mouth and his tongue keeps himself out of trouble.
Proverbs 21:23

Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as
is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace
to those who hear.
Ephesians 4:29

From time to time we get to a point where we just wish that we could move on. We find ourselves back in the same place again, facing the same issue that we’ve faced on more than one occasion. But despite our efforts we are seemingly unable to know what to do differently that will free us from this never-ending cycle. We might ask our friends advice, read the latest book or blog and put into practise a new set of techniques to help us overcome the issue. Stubbornly it remains.

A major factor in being able to move on in life is to cut our ties to the past. Before a ship can sail it must first release the mooring ropes and lift the anchor from the sea bed. Failure to do so will result in a pretty short trip and a hasty return to the same port. The engines might be running at full power and there may well be a large amount of noise and action, but in the end there is little achieved. So what anchors us to the past?

One thing that can seriously affect our progress in life is unforgiveness. By refusing to let go of past hurts we continue to drag a large, heavy bag with us through life. Our reaction to what has happened to us acts like a large weight that we’ve picked up, slowing our progress through life. After a while we don’t even bother looking in the bag to see what’s inside, we just carry it into every new situation that comes along. And guess what, we act out the same response again and again.

Forgiving is not easily. We want justice for what was wrongly done to us. The wrong must be paid for and we will fight to the last to see that happen. It feels that to forgive would be a betrayal of what we believe – the righting of wrongs. But the only person who is being punished for the wrong is us, as we carry around the hurt letting it poison our lives.

Now we’re not making excuses for what has happened but here are some thoughts that may help us to begin to take some things out of our bag.

They didn’t know that what they had done was wrong

They didn’t know how much it would hurt us

They hadn’t been taught how to treat others with respect

They hadn’t experienced love and kindness

They had been seriously hurt in the past

You got too close to them and they find it difficult to trust others

We were overly sensitive and took offence

They didn’t mean to hurt us but struggled to express themselves

They decided to take the easy option because they couldn’t handle the situation

They believed they were justified in what they did

You had hurt them and they wanted to get their own back

Furthermore, there are better reasons to forgive:

We are equally guilty of hurting others

People are carrying unforgiveness because of what we’ve done

We deserve punishment for all our wrongdoings

God says that unless we’re willing to forgive others then he can’t forgive us. Our present suffering is not some punishment for all our wrongdoing. The wonderful thing is that we can be free from our past and we can move on. Forgiveness is God’s gift to us, for all the things we’ve ever done and will ever do. All we need to do is share that gift with others.

Dear God,

Thank you that I can trust you to right all wrongs. You know the hearts of every person and you are just and true. You do not treat me as my sins deserve but instead have pardoned me through the death of your son. Help me to forgive those that have hurt me. Search my heart and reveal to me my true motives. I thank you that my future is secure in you and that you have promised to move me on. I put myself into your hands merciful God.

Amen

He does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our
iniquities.
Psalm 103:10

But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still
sinners, Christ died for us.
Romans 5:8

For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your
heavenly Father will also forgive you.
Matthew 6:14

How many times have I raced to for an appointment only to find out that there was no need to hurry at all. There must have been at least half-a-dozen times in the last few months where I’ve rushed to be somewhere on time, only to find out that I was by no means the last to arrive or the start had been delayed. In the process I was flustered and had not really prepared. On one occasion it also resulted in me being invited to a Speed Awareness Course!

But it’s difficult to not let time dictate our actions. We tell ourselves that we should be better organised, or that people will think us unreliable, or that we don’t value them because we couldn’t be there on time. Some of this may be true and we might need to check how much we’re trying to do, but there will always be circumstances beyond our control. We need to learn how to deal with these situations when they arise and not to spend all of our time trying to plan for every eventuality. For the performance driven ones among us this can be the difference between burning out or living successfully.

Here are few handy thoughts when running late.

Perhaps I won’t be the last to arrive

People will be even more glad when I arrive because they had begun to think I wouldn’t make it all all

They will understand that I was delayed

My apology will be accepted and everyone will quickly forget that I was late

The meeting will not start on time

Not everything is my responsibility

They have allowed time for me as they know I have a lot on

Teas & coffees will be served first

I may have the wrong start time

It’s more important I am relaxed when I arrive so I can give my best

It’s better to arrive late in one piece than not to arrive at all

I may not even be required for the meeting as others have it covered

People will not think less of me for not arriving on time

It’s good that you care about being on time and not letting others down but it is important that it doesn’t turn into anxiety and stress.
If you can let people know that you’re running late. If you’re really late then perhaps you should just send your apologies and miss the meeting altogether. Better that you allow sometime to prepare and get to the next one onetime and get control of your day back.

Prayer

Dear God,

Thank you that even when I don’t find time for you, you alway make time for me. Help me to trust you for all the things that I cannot control, and to know when enough is enough and I cannot do anymore. Just because I think I’m able to do it doesn’t mean that I have to, I can trust things to others and ultimately trust everything to you.

Help me to give my best. Even when I get things wrong and let others down you do not condemn me but love me always.

Thank you God for your patience with me. May I show others that same patience when they don’t arrive on time for my next meeting.

Amen

“But don’t begin until you count the cost. For who would begin
construction of a building without first calculating the cost to
see if there is enough money to finish it? Otherwise, you might
complete only the foundation before running out of money, and
then everyone would laugh at you. They would say, ‘There’s the person
who started that building and couldn’t afford to finish it!’
Luke 14:28-30

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own
understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make
straight your paths.
Proverbs 3:5-6

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and
supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.
Philippians 4:6

The plans of the diligent lead surely to abundance, but everyone
who is hasty comes only to poverty.
Proverbs 21:5

When something unexpected happens does our mind run away with us thinking that the worst has happened? It can be quite difficult to stop and think that this may not be the case. In just a moment our day has gone from great to terrible and we don’t even know what might have happened.The truth is that if we choose to think positively then most of the time we will more likely be closer to the truth. We will save ourselves untold anguish. For example, our best friend has failed to turn up for our lunch together. We’re don’t understand why they didn’t remember that it was today. We told them in our text message where and when to meet. Why aren’t they here! Don’t they know that I was really looking forward to seeing them. I can’t afford to be late as I have other things to do today. Well, possibly there is a very good reason they are late.

They have overslept

They have forgotten because they are really tired

They have misplaced their car keys

They forgot to set their alarm

There has been a fire drill and are delayed

They missed their junction on the motorway

They are stuck in a traffic-jam

They forgot something and had to go back

There was a long queue in the shop

The car has broken down

There has been a power cut at the office and they have had to stay behind

Their previous appointment has overrun

They have forgotten to do something really important

An emergency has happened at work and they are needed to sort it out

The battery on their mobile has run out

They have been pulled over for speeding to meet you

They were distracted when agreeing our plans

They didn’t get my text message

They didn’t make a note of what we agreed

They lost track of the time because of an urgent deadline

They forgot they were meeting because of worrying about something

They are naturally quite forgetful

They are very disorganised

They have taken ill today

The car has run out of petrol

A family crisis has occurred

They have lost their job

They didn’t realise how I would feel by being late

They didn’t appreciate that I was depending on them

They didn’t know how much I wanted them to be there

They didn’t know that they were the only one invited

And if none of the above is true then perhaps they just made a mistake. They are only human after all. Have we never made a mistake? Why not review your level of expectation and cut others some slack. Instead of expecting that everyone will turn up on time, don’t be so surprised if quite often people are late and have good reasons. Don’t set people up to fail, instead set people up to succeed. If you plan a meeting and invite people to come at 10am, plan to start the actual meeting at 10:10am or as soon as everyone has arrived! Send everyone a reminder or let them know that you’re looking forward to seeing them.

Prayer

DEAR GOD,

HELP ME TO ALWAYS THINK THE BEST OF OTHER PEOPLE AND NOT TO SET THEM UP TO FAIL. PLEASE HELP ME TO ORGANISE MYSELF AND NOT TO BELIEVE THAT I AM PERFECT. FORGIVE ME FOR NOT HAVING FAITH IN OTHERS, OR IN YOU TO LOOK AFTER ME IN MY SITUATION. THANK YOU THAT I CAN TRUST YOU FOR ALL MY WORRIES AND CONCERNS. ALL THE THINGS THAT I CANNOT CONTROL ARE SAFE IN YOUR HANDS.

Whether people like us or not is often determined by our behaviour and not who we actually are. It’s our behaviour that they don’t like and don’t want, and they are not necessarily rejecting us.

Just because we’re different doesn’t mean that we are not likeable. People may have difficulty in understanding who we are and be afraid of getting to know us because we’re different. If we’re going to make friends we’re going to need to let people get to know the real us.

It might be our views that others do not like because they do not agree with them. They may feel that their own views are threatened by our views because they are contrary to what they believe. This doesn’t mean that our views are not worth listening to. God accepts us just as we are, even if our views are offensive and hurtful to others.

Other can be prejudice against us, making judgements about are who we are without really getting to know us. View few people spend the time to get to know someone else properly; it’s even more difficult if we don’t let people get close to us for fear of being hurt.

Others don’t have a right to judge us, after all how can they possible know everything about us and why we are the way we are. In any case, who are they to judge? Are they not equally guilt of failings in their own lives? Don’t jump to the conclusion that we’re at fault just because someone else says so.

The other person may just be too busy to give us time and make friends. Or they may think that they are not liked and therefore push us away.

The truth is that you are likeable. Everyone is likeable and loveable. It’s up to us to believe that this is true for us.

God loves us despite all of our failings and all of our ugly behaviours and opinions.

Take Action

Concentrate on spending time to listen to other people’s points of view, only giving yours after you’ve listened and thought about what they’ve said. Don’t assume that other people’s opinions are right just because they don’t like yours.

Try to understand the other person’s point of view, ask them not just what they believe but why they believe it.

Think about your actions and seek to understand if you have made other people feel uncomfortable. If possible, ask the other person if there is something you’ve done to upset the them. If they are a good friend they will tell you.

Avoid getting into the trap of justifying your right to be liked by judging others as wrong. Only God has the right to judge us all. Instead seek to understand.

Don’t seek to attribute blame to yourself or others. Lay it all before God and trust him to guide you in what to do.

Prayer

Dear God,

I am lonely and upset. It seems as if no-one likes me and I don’t know how to make friends. Help me to be open and accepting of others and not run away at the first sight of trouble.

If there is any offensive way in me then make me aware of it. You alone have the right to judge me. I confess to you that I have not thought about the needs of others but have focused only on my own needs. Will you forgive me.

Thank you for loving me despite all my failings. You made me just the way I am and you take delight in me – your creation. I know that you are with me and will never leave me. You will carry out your purposes in my life as I trust in you.

Amen

"But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were
still sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:8

"Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge… but love your neighbour
as yourself" Leviticus 19:18

"I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with
unfailing kindness." Jeremiah 31:3

"Since you are precious and honoured in my sight, and because
I love you, I will give people in exchange for you, nations in
exchange for your life." Isaiah 43:4

In the 1992 film “A Few Good Men” Tom Cruise’s character delivers the line “You can’t handle the truth!” to Jack Nicolson’s character who was sitting in the dock, justifying his horrific actions in the interest of national security.

Self justification is not just something reserved for hollywood blockbusters. No, we all do it all the time. We do it so often that we often don’t even realise we’re doing it. Now it may not be our breaking of the law or something as serious as national security but self justification is seriously affecting our lives. Take for instance when we’re watching TV, we actively choose to suspend what we know to be true because we want to believe what we’re seeing.

Not convinced? Why does it only take a single bullet to take down the bad guy but the hero just wipes off the blood and stick a band-aid on it? When do film heroes do their washing, cleaning, dusting, ironing, cooking, shopping, school runs, family errands, bill payments and filing? Why doesn’t the hero ever get an STI after having numerous partners?

The fact is we choose to believe what we want to believe and it isn’t based on evidence or facts. Of course we know that what we’re seeing isn’t real, don’t we? Perhaps we do deep down but so long as we suspend our disbelief we can carry on enjoying what we’ve seen. As soon as we pop out the bonus DVD and watch the ‘making of the film’ the illusion is shattered.

We don’t just apply this kind of thinking to television. We do it every day. When we drive over the speed limit and tell ourselves, “Everyone else does it” or “The limit should be higher anyway”. Or when we fail to hand in the lost property we find and say, “The person may not even return to collect it” or “The person I hand it to will keep it for themselves.” The other day I found a SatNav just lying on the floor. My first thought was, “What a great find! My wife would really appreciate this.” I wasn’t even going to keep it for myself – how generous was I! As I began to look through all the settings I came across the owners address. I thought about how they might feel having lost it and how they might feel to have it returned to them. Within the hour I was at their door.

You see, it’s the little things that we say to ourselves that really matter. They make up what we believe and who we are. In the Bible it says, “As a man thinks in his heart, so he is”. The problem with examining our beliefs is what might happen if we find that they are not true. And the problem with the truth is that it has consequences. Most people don’t want to consider the truth not because they don’t believe it, but they do not want to be faced with the consequences. Consequences require a response to accept them or reject them. They cannot be simply ignore.

The fact is that there are real consequences for all of our decisions and it is worth questioning what we believe before moving on. After all, the “theory of evolution” is still just a theory. The “missing link” is still missing. How many of us have even read the “Origin of Species” and looked at the evidence ourselves? Are we just happy to follow the masses and believe what we are presented with is the truth? Why not take the time to find out some facts for yourself and read some of the Bible; see who Jesus really was and what he had to say. I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised. Start today with John chapter 1…

Today is Friday 24th August. Just seemingly another day, pretty much like any other. I am 42 years old and this is my first ever blog. Although to me it’s much more than that. I have been a christian now for around 31 years and I do not consider that I have really given it my all. Don’t get me wrong, there have been times when I have been really committed and for more than just a few days. What I mean to say is that I feel I could have done so much more. I believe life is full of opportunities to fulfil your potential, what it comes down to is commitment versus distraction.

I guess that I’m probably not alone and that many of us would say that we have not given our best. Why is that? Why is it that even when we passionately believe something that we still don’t try our hardest. Is it laziness? Or fear of failure? A lot would say those are the most obvious reasons and maybe they are right. But for me, I would say it was distractions.

It is amazing how little time there is available now. When we were young there were endless summer days to play. Long hours cycling the streets, walking in the woods, playing with friends. Now it would seem that life is just one big rush without time to even draw breath. This is not just me getting old and wondering what I’ve done with my life. No. This is life’s great distractions.

As we get older we have more responsibilities and less choices. We have families to look after, bills to pay, jobs to do. And if we don’t do them no-one else will. What this means is that we need to be very careful about the choices we make. The young think that life will go on forever and that wasting time has little consequence. At the time they are right because they have the luxury of time and there are few immediate consequences, apart from a good ear-bending for not doing your chores! As we get older we need to be thinking more carefully about what we spend our time on, what we are going to do, but perhaps more importantly what we’re not going to spend time on. You see, its these distractions that need to be removed, the things that are no longer of worth or value to us. It really is true, we can’t do everything. Certain things don’t have place in our lives.

For me it was computer games. So many hours spent. Days at a time lost. Today gaming seems to be a pastime for both young and old, especially with the arrival of the smartphone and iPad. Everyone is seemingly playing something. I knew that I did not have the time any longer to spend on gaming. This doesn’t mean that I’m against gaming just that it is no longer right for me. It was distraction to not just my responsibilities but also to my focus on my calling. Instead of preparing and training myself for my future I was wasting hours of my life attaining another million points and killing countless thousands.

I give you this challenge today – give something up. Not just anything but something that does not have a place in your life today. It might by a sport, a TV programme or a pub visit. Ask God to tell you if you’re not sure. Now do a second thing, and this is really important. Don’t waste the time you’ve just freed up by filling it with another distraction. Go for a walk, visit a friend or spend some time with your partner. Spend that time investing in your future and maybe you will be a step closer to fulfilling your potential.