Nic Cage Is Remaking Kirk Cameron Movies In ‘Left Behind’

What happens when you replace a religious nut job with a secular psychotic? You get probably the best idea in the history of cinema, Nic Cage starring in a reboot of the rapture series Left Behind, adapted from the books and originally starring Kirk Cameron. Unlike Heaven Is For Real, where some big Hollywood types basically figured they could milk the religious for some easy cash, the Left Behind reboot comes from Stoney Lake Entertainment, a company formed by Paul Lalonde, co-founder of Cloud Ten Entertainment, which produced the original Kirk Cameron Left Behind. Lalonde also co-wrote the script for the reboot.

So basically, the reboot is from the same people, who made enough on the original movies that they could afford to hire Nic Cage and Chad Michael Murray. Talk about the American Dream. I just hope they make enough to finally let Belinda have a sandwich.

If you’re not familiar with the Biblical rapture, basically God sucks all the pious people up to Heaven and leaves the sinners down on Earth to rot. I assume this is basically going to be that scene from Obama’s America where the black family fights over Monopoly, stretched into an entire trilogy.

I’m still pretty pissed they didn’t get Candlebox to sing the theme song.

Nic Cage already in talks to reboot the second Spider-Man 2. However Cage negotiated some changes to the script and now it’s about one man’s decent into arachnial madness in the jungles of southeast Asia.

True story,
A good friend of mine works for the SFX company contracted to do this movie, he says he’s mapped out Nic Cages face so many times he sees him in his dreams.
I told him i didn’t know if he should quit or thank his boss.

/ Yo Uproxx. Is Nic aware of this web piece I found that shatters the “rapture” delusion? /

The Pretrib Rapture Jackpot!

by Bruce Rockwell

Attention, writers. You can make millions by promoting the pretrib rapture!
As you know, pretrib began in Scotland in 1830. Early developers including Edward Irving and John Darby admitted it was then a totally new view that had never been part of any theology or organized church.
They also admitted that it had suddenly sprung from only OT and NT “types” and “symbols” and not from any clear Bible statement! (Part of their “cut and paste” included stretching forward “gather” (Matt. 24:31) on their “charts” and turning it into a pretrib coming!)
As late as 1957, pretrib expert John Walvoord admitted in “The Rapture Question” (p. 148) that “pretribulationism” is NOT “an explicit teaching of Scripture”!
Since the early 1900s pretrib has been sold by novelists like Sydney Watson (in 1913) and by Salem Kirban whose “Left Behind”-type novel “666” came out in 1970 – the same year Hal Lindsey’s “The Late Great Planet Earth” started breaking sales records.
The very first pretrib rapture novel titled “Left Behind” came from the joint pens of Peter and Patti Lalonde in mid-1995 before Tim LaHaye and Jerry Jenkins somehow came up with the very same title: “Left Behind”!
The pretrib rapture view, which admittedly is only an “inference” and not “explicit,” rests basically on verses in John 14, I Thess. 4, and I Cor. 15, none of which have either a “taken/left” separation or exciting, nail-biting scenarios that can “sell” pretrib.
You have to go to Revelation’s action-packed chapters instead. When you do, you discover they can be tied to end time details found basically in the Olivet Discourse.
As you know, pretribs believe in two stages; Stage 1 is the pretrib rapture which supposedly occurs several years before Stage 2 which is the posttrib second coming to earth.
Since the three “rapture” chapters listed above don’t have any clear rapture-type separation between the “righteous” and the “wicked,” your best launching pad if you want to be a bestselling author is “the one shall be taken, and the other left” phrase in Matt. 24:40, 41 and Luke 17:34-36.
Trouble is, Dr. Walvoord and many other pretrib leaders declare that the “one taken” refers to the “wicked” taken in judgment while the “righteous” are left! But since average pew-sitters don’t seem to know this, you can easily convince them that the “one taken” is a sort of code for an any-moment pretrib rapture!
And the pew-sitters don’t know that Walvoord etc. also teach that the same phrase is part of “non-imminent” Stage 2 which is posttrib (and not pretrib) and is on “Jewish” (and not “Church”) ground!
In order to preserve Stage 1 (the long-stretched-forward pretrib rapture), pretrib merchandisers in recent decades have been stretching forward various aspects found in Stage 2 and quietly applying them to Stage 1. Aspects include “the day of the Lord,” “God’s wrath,” “the taken/left phrase,” “the unknown day and hour,” and Christ’s coming “as a thief” (which in the Bible is always tied to Armageddon and other posttrib events).
(For more on the above, Google “The Correct Answer to Who’s Taken” etc. on Joe Ortiz’s blog of Apr. 12, 2010. Sure, there’s disagreement on who’s “taken” first, but pretrib pew-sitters forget or don’t know that THE TAKEN/LEFT PHRASE IS FOUND IN ONLY A POSTTRIB SETTING IN THE BIBLE!!)
Yes, I’ve told you how you can turn yourself into a bestselling, wealthy author.
But unfortunately you have some competition because LaHaye and Jenkins have long been aware of the above facts. And for years they’ve been milking their 19th century cash cow (which hasn’t dried up yet) to shatter all-time sales records and make millions of pretrib dollars that are destined to be left behind!
For more on them and their partners, Google “The ‘Left Behind’ Rupture,” “LaHaye’s Temperament,” “Jerry Jenkins Apologizes for Being Seen Gambling in Casinos,” “Pretrib Rapture Diehards,” “Thomas Ice (Bloopers),” “Walvoord Melts Ice,” “Famous Rapture Watchers,” “Margaret Macdonald’s Rapture Chart,” “Pretrib Rapture’s Missing Lines,” “Roots of Warlike Christian Zionism,” “Evangelicals Use Occult Deception,” “Pretrib Rapture Secrecy,” “Letter from Mrs. Billy Graham,” “Pretrib Rapture Politics,” “Pretrib Rapture Stealth,” and “Pretrib Rapture Dishonesty.” (Most of these were written by the author of “The Rapture Plot” which bills itself as “the most accurate and documented book on pretrib rapture history.” I add that if you echo its message you will never be a bestselling author!)
In closing let me say that Jeremiah 17:11 warns that “he that getteth riches, and not by right, shall leave them in the midst of his days, and at his end shall be a fool.”
And you can bet on this!