The only Victoria’s Secret Angel whom Leonardo DiCatchAHo can’t look at and say, “I hit that,” and her old-timey-looking ass, marbles-eyed husband have announced that they’re done with being married to each other. 32-year-old Adriana Lima and her 35-year-old pro basketball player husband and the father of her 2 daughters Marko Jaric are pressing pause on their marriage. The definition of marriage just crawled out of a window and is now standing on the ledge, because if a marriage between a bikini model and a pro athelete can’t work, what marriage can?!

Adriana and Marko spit out some canned shit about how they thought about it for a long time and they’re going to be in each other’s lives as co-parents and blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. The only thing I want to to know is, which one of them cheated, did they make a sex tape and can I see it? Here’s Adriana and the Serbian Doug’s statement of words from UsWeekly:

“After long and careful consideration, we have decided to separate after five years of marriage. We are grateful to be the parents of two incredible young daughters that we will continue to co-parent. We would greatly appreciate your respect for our family’s privacy as we begin this delicate next chapter for all members of our family.”

Adriana Lima once said that she waited until marriage before she got her cherry popped, so I know the reason why their marriage died. It died due to irreconcilable differences. Adriana wants her coochie to go out into the world and taste all the flavors of peen out there since it’s only tasted one and ole’ wandering eyes has a problem with that for some reason.

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