Video: Sexy VIP e-cigarette advert garners 147 complaints »

Some of the ads that get past censors in Scandinavia and Australia wouldn’t even make YouTube. So when you see mass hysteria for only slightly taboo ads shown on UK TV, you realise exactly why the rest of the world see Brits as prudish.

What would have happened if the full, uncut version had been shown in the break of “I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Outta Here”?:

So, UK TV audience: what are you objecting to, exactly?

By VIP’s own admission on YouTube, the uncut version (above) wouldn’t have made it past UK censorship. Even then, there’s nothing overtly sexual in the commercial.

True, the actress is all aquiver as if she’s about to have an organism when she states that she wants to put it in her mouth. But surely any innuendo inferred is in the mind of the audience?

Is the actress stark naked? No!

Is there a man in the clip with her? No!

Is there any reference to any tangible object she’s saying she’d like to taste (actually in the ad only, not the uncut version)? Erm, No!

It’s good to see VIP sticking by its guns. Miguel Corral, one of the joint owners of the e-cigarette manufacturers, told the Bolton News:

“Due to advertising regulations we were not permitted to include the product in the ad, so we decided to take a tongue-in-cheek approach to appeal to an adult audience.”

What next? Are the Herbal Essences ads going to be pulled?

If you ask me, the Herbal Essences long-running ad campaign is guilty of exactly the same tactics. There’s an actress (with a lot less clothes on than the VIP e-cigarette actress in her LBD, one hastens to add) washing her hair against the backdrop of a jungle waterfall.

Innocent enough, you say. But she’s been uttering the infamous “Yes, yes!” as she gets herself in a lather for years. And those ads are shown at all times.

I like e-cigarettes

I have to admit, after trying patches and gum I thought “vaping” was going to be another let-down. How shocked was I when offered a blast at a party this summer?

Admittedly, they do taste better after six or seven pints of Thatcher’s Gold Cider. But, rather than go outside for a ciggy as the breeze takes on a decidedly wintry edge, a vape as I key away on my word-processor is a very happy compromise between me and my good lady wife.

That’s not to mention the other benefits I’ve found from smoking electronically:

a lack of tar clogging my lungs, easing my chest;

no toxic fumes flooding the house, tainting my aura and staining the ceiling;

the cost, compared to smoking 20 normal ciggies a day.

As you’ll probably guess from the comments above, my better half is very keen on me giving up smoking. After seeing my eyes light up upon trying one of my buddy’s E-lites, she went out and bought me the executive pack.

E-lites aren’t the cheapest, but they do tend to be the most widely available. There are many cheaper versions available online in all sorts of styles, with or without nicotine and in more flavours than you can shake a soggy stick (or cigarette butt) at.

The problem most people have is putting faith in brands they don’t know. Especially when they’re going to be inhaling who knows what directly into their lungs.

What I do now, for choice, trust and price, is get mine from Amazon. The vendors there have a very good reason for providing quality products. Why? Because of the very public review system.

If you’ve ever wondered whether the alley where Harry, Hermione and Ron go to get their Hogwarts’ supplies is real, whether The Leaky Cauldron does indeed open up to a secret passage safely hidden from Muggles in the back streets of London, well now you’ve got your answer.

It’s very real and the living proof is embedded into Google Maps for all to see.

A brief (and recent) history of Diagon Alley

The first glimpse we Muggles got of the infamous road was when Hagrid tapped on a common-or-garden brick wall (for all intents and purposes) that lay beyond The Leaky Cauldron.

Not only was it our first glimpse, but it was affirmation for Harry Potter that the wizarding world was alive, well and all too accessible as long as you had a friend in magic to take you there.

The affable Rubeus Hagrid had walked Diagon Alley many a time and soon helped the young wizard pick a wand from Ollivander’s Wand Shop (or does the wand pick the wizard?), purchased Hedwig the owl from Eeylops Owl Emporium for Harry’s 11th birthday and a whole manner of other school supplies in anticipation for the orphan’s first term at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

Diagon Alley appears in many of Harry’s adventures

The misguided attempt to reach the street using The Weasley’s Floo System, sending him instead to Borgin and Burkes, gave us our literal interpretation of the name as Harry’s command was interpretted as diagonally, not Diagon Alley.

It was at Flourish and Blotts school supply shop on the alley that Lucius Malfoy first met Harry Potter and learned of the young wizard’s blatant disregard of the taboo that surrounded mentioning Lord Voldermort’s name.

It was not a coincidental meeting. Malfoy slipped Tom Riddle’s Diary into Ginny Weasley’s schoolbag and the whole Chamber of Secrets escapade was to hinge around that very act.

The darkness sets in

In later films, as Voldermort’s return became undeniable and wizards and witches no longer felt safe walking the streets day or night for fear of Death Eaters, Diagon Alley became a somber place.

In the desperate search for the Horcrux’ that would eventually decide the battle between Potter and Voldemort, the good versus evil tug-of-war that dogged Harry until the end of the Second Wizarding War, Diagon Alley was oft to be found home to snatchers.

This abandonment of the restaurants and boutiques that had once made the Alley so resplendent left it open to the abuse of Voldemort’s cohorts and wizards who had no choice other than to risk its perils.

Thankfully, since Voldemort was once again banished, Diagon Alley is once more a light, colourful place.

The posters of Death Eaters who were ‘wanted’ are nothing but memory and the shops, including Fred and George’s ‘Weasleys’ Wizard Wheezes’ and Gringotts Bank, are bright, prosperous places once again.

Ollivanders’ Wand Shop almost 2,500 years old

Despite records indicating that Ollivanders owned a wand shop on Diagon Alley since the fourth century BC, this particular post code still eludes Muggles.

Even having geographical locations on the Google Map, Muggles may yet struggle to find Diagon Alley.

Legend has it that The Leaky Cauldron, through which the Alley is accessed, is situated on Charing Cross Road.

Although everyone knows of its existence, even that the pub lies between a record shop and a bookshop, Muggles have been cursed with a type of selective blindness that makes the ancient boozer invisible to anyone other than members of the wizard world.

Beware of Knockturn Alley, the ‘dodgy place’

If you do find it, be wary of Knockturn Alley, a side road off the main alleyway housing the aforementioned Borgin and Burkes where Tom Riddle worked after leaving Hogwarts.

Borgin and Burkes is just one of many shops trading in artifacts of the Dark Arts along Knockturn Alley, that even Hagrid referred to as a ‘dodgy place’.

However, as well as giving Tom Riddle employ, it was also where Draco Malfoy, Lucius’ son, travelled to when assisting Voldemort’s closest allies to gain access to Hogwarts through an ancient vanishing cabinet, an act that would eventually cost Dumbledore, headmaster of the school and mentor to Harry Potter, his life.

But you’ve got to get to Diagon Alley first. If you know to a good old-fashioned fireplace that looks like it’s been around for a while, why not try a sprinkling of Floo Powder and see where that gets you.

Remember, speak clearly as you command you destination or else who knows where you may end up or, indeed, who you may bump into along the way…

“Come along and play with The Tweenies” took on a deep and sinister turn last week. An episode of the popular CBeebies programme was aired depicting Max as serial predator Jimmy Saville.

Facially, Max from The Tweenies bore little resemblance to Jimmy Saville. However, the blonde bob, dripping gold and light-colored Tracksuit combined with the infamous guttural jungle call left viewers in no doubt.

The Tweenies’ puppet was indeed a representation of the post-humously shamed DJ and TV host, Jimmy Savile.

The episode in question saw The Tweenies characters dressing up for a disco. The idea of setting the disco to a Top of the Pops background was not such a bad idea, theoretically.

However the choice of Jimmy Saville is a faux pas that set the OFCOM phones ringing, the Twitter stream buzzing and those whose eyes are on Scotland Yard and the Yewtree report hardly believing what they were seeing.

246 complaints about The Tweenies episode

The BBC wasted no time in issuing a frank apology. It seems that Aunty is washing her hands of everything that Jimmy Saville touched and stood for. Guilty of both bank-rolling and covering up for the paedophile as accused, do you think?

That seems to have been the problem in the first place: too busy scurrying around the country covering up for Jimmy Saville’s molestations to take action. It makes you wonder how the Beeb kept his criminality under wraps for so long.

The extent of the DJ and TV host’s sordid reign is finally coming to light. 28 police forces have now received 450 reports of abuse, 34 of which are rape. More than 200 of those reports have been confirmed.

The extent of depravity of Jimmy Saville’s world is shocking. A joint report issued by The Yard and NSPCC suggested that child abuse was Saville’s raison d’etre. Moreover, that he spent ‘every waking minute‘ thinking about it.

The apologies seem hollow. For the ill-advised showing of The Tweenies episode, made in 2001 (just to put the record straight), yes, it was insensitive. But for how Jimmy Saville was allowed to get away with everything he did for so long unapprehended is simply unforgivable.

He’s beyond retribution in this existence but, if there is a Heaven and Hell, let’s hope Jimmy Saville is getting everything he deserves now and for all eternity.

Like this:

In the world of rock and roll music, it’s taken for granted that Head Roadie = Wing Man. For Rod Stewart, Roadie on the occasion of passing his driving test was about as literal as one could get, the only Wing in sight, that one chancing it with a prayer…

Rod Stewart – Atlantic Crossing (c/w Celtic scarf!)

The year’s 1967, Rod Stewart is making the transition from The Steampacket to The Jeff Beck Group and about to ditch pro-soccer for rock and roll.

Very soon, he’d ‘find [him]self a rock and roll band that needs a helping hand’in The Faces, with the summer of love but a few seasons away.

Few rock and roll stars have achieved the continued success – and the opportunities of free love that presented themselves (and probably still do) as a result of fame and fortune – that Rod Stewart has.

At the height of his skin-tight trousered, spiky-boufanted rise to chart-topping success, the women were, by his own admission, in and out of his bed like a production line.

Being a true Scot in every sense of the word, ‘wine, women and song’ seems to have been a phrase penned for Rod the Mod. Well, swap ‘wine’ for ‘whisky’, and you’re probably even closer to the mark.

Would Rod Stewart have been eligible to drive in ’67?

Turning up for a driving test reeking of stale perfume and last night’s scotch fumes would in no way have enamoured Rod Stewart with any driving instructor.

In Rod Stewart’s autobiography, released October 2012, he admits to sending his head honcho, roadie Pete Saunders, to take his driving test in his place.

Pete passed the driving test under Rod’s real name and, to this day, the renowned Celtic fan has never taken a driving test in the UK.

To be fair, it was probably not the brainchild of Rod himself.

The autobiography goes on to reveal that it was Roadie Pete – tired of chauffeuring Rod Stewart (and no doubt an endless procession of totty) around London – who suggested the ruse.

London back then was the place to be, with Rod Stewart in demand all over the capital.

Pete had enough on his plate rigging up the sets without having to worry about getting the star of the show from A to B in between performances. If you now what I mean?

One day, the Wing Man simply strolled into a driving test centre, registered as Roderick Stewart of Highgate, London, took the driving test and passed it there and then on behalf of the man of the moment.

Rod Stewart does, however, now drive legally under his own name. He eventually sat his own driving test following one Atlantic Crossing to The States eight years later in 1975.