Those Stories You Want to Tell

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jane had 4 kids, and she braught her kids everything- if they wanted it in the house, jane would buy it for them

one day when I went to jane's house, I saw a big machine in the hallway with flashing lights

I'm like to her... what's that, jane?. it looks really good

she explained that it was a fruit machine and you put money in it to play a game (and try and win stuff back). her older kids kelly and emma wanted it for themselves (the boys were too young to play with it)

I played it every time I went round her house from that day on, I loved it (and even won money sometimes)

well one day when I went round her house she told me she'd got me a fruit machine of my own

I'm like wow, really?. a full sized fruit machine?. just like yours?

but it wasn't... what she'd got me was a tiny tiny version of it (you could actually hold it on your lap), and it didn't have the lights or the buttons

I remember going from like wow... I can't believe it, to.... I'm actually let down by this

and I felt so bad too, because she did make an effert- and I did keep it for a couple of months before getting rid of it

When I was at one of these many courses the jobcentre sent me too, there was this guy who had my current obsession (a thing I was obsessed with at the time). I was so jealous that I hated him. When he sat beside me, I'd turn away or even move away if there was space somewhere else. If he tried to talk to me, I'd ignore him or give him a dirty look.

I was actually quite ill at the time, with so much intense jealousy bubbling inside me. I couldn't wait until the course was over so I never had to see him again. Obviously, I couldn't wait for it to end anyway because it was awful.

Then a few years later, I was sent on another course and he was there too. But by then, that obsession had ended and I had moved onto a new one. But it turned out he didn't have that thing anymore, so there was no reason to be jealous anymore.

I felt really bad for hating him, over something so stupid. I think he remembered because he avoided me, at least at first. After a 2 or 3 weeks he did talk to me and I talked back. But I always felt bad about it. These obsessions are unhealthy.

When I was about 12, walking to school, this old woman asked me where a street was. I didn't know and I told her that. Turns out it was one of the streets I went past every day to and from school (crossed over it). I felt so stupid and ashamed that I didn't know where it was.

One day in middle school, I fell out with my friend. I decided it would be a good idea to hide her diary (school diary, with timetable, homework dates etc). She spent most of that lesson looking for it and near the end, she still hadn't found it. So I "found" it and gave her it. She knew that I must have hidden it and hated me even more. I lied and told her I didn't, that I just found it. We didn't talk for a few days.

If that wasn't bad enough, I went home and told my mum about it and how ungrateful this girl was, "accusing" me of hiding it. She believed me and it got to the point where I believed it myself. But no, I really did hide the diary.

At high school, my "friend" (the one who I met later and she said none of her real friends were from high school) got a boyfriend and I was so jealous. In fact I was so jealous that I didn't talk to her much after that. It was unfair because she got bullied too, but for being fat. Most people didn't believe her anyway, and I hoped that she was lying, but she brought a photo of him (well her and him). He wasn't really my type, but I was still jealous that she could get a boyfriend and I couldn't because I was so ugly.

Also, in middle school a boy asked me out. I didn't know what to say and he just said "please think about it". I did think about it a lot that night. I didn't have a crush on him and I didn't find him very attractive, but I thought "well, he's not that bad". I was quite happy the next day when I went to school, but he totally ignored me. I found out later that he had been joking when he asked me out. I was so upset, even though I never really liked him to start with.

I was at work and they were organising the Christmas party. One of the other girls in the office said she was inviting some people to her house first, to meet up, and then go together.

A few days later something about the party was mentioned and the time to be there for etc. I said "But we're all meeting at your house first, so we'll all be together". She looked totally horrified and said "No, I'm only having a few certain people, not everyone, I never said you were invited."

I felt so guilty and angry at myself, just assuming I was invited. I avoided her for the rest of the day (and maybe the next day). I didn't really want to talk about the party, and definitely not to her. In fact it put me off going. I felt so ashamed.

I know I was young and stupid, but not that young (in my early 20's). I was so rude. Now I'm definitley finding it easier not to talk to people unless they ask me something and need an answer, then I can't say anything bad, or make a fool of myself.

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