Monthly Archives: March 2011

Keeping the past in the past is something I deal with on a daily basis. Oh sure I can be “over” something and fully believe I’m “over” it…but in a split second – a scent, a word, a song, a phrase, even a ringtone throws me into a scene from the past I swore I wasn’t heading back to – and yet, I’m there. And I’m CERTAIN I’m not the only one…..

It’s almost comical that I’ve been sooooo focused on keeping the past in the past – I’m beginning to see that isn’t such a great idea. Here’s why; I believe that every single detail of our lives (yours and mine) were planned before our Moms Dads knew we were on the way! Our PAST, our PRESENT and our FUTURE moments!

Here’s what I mean…..When I was born and named, God had plans that were specific for me. When I entered elementary school, I was being shaped and molded into the person I was becoming. As I walked the halls of Dartmouth Middle school, I was being transformed into the person who would begin to make her own life altering choices. Stepping foot onto the campus of Branham High school, I made decisions that were monumental in the formation of who I am and what I’m becoming….my testimony – the story of my life was taking shape.

Professions, decisions, marriage, having twins, re-dedicating my life to following Jesus, becoming a better wife, getting involved in church ministry, dedication to being the BEST Mom I can possibly be, choosing friends, more decisions, making memories, overcoming GIANT obstacles, facing past hurts and shame, having a daughter, growing closer still to God, being a Godly example to my kids, moving to Nebraska on 240 acres of cattle land with 3.5 kids and a dog in the middle of nowhere, the birth of my son, the death of my Dad, moving “home” to Oregon, immersed in being a wife & Mom, more decisions, success in business, continued reliance on God, a divorce, heartache, defeat, losing friends, self-indulgence, new-found appreciation in my Mom, loss, stepping away from pride, unconditional love, grieving, encouraging my kids, more decisions, new friends, finding who I am again, surrender, celebrating my children’s successes, overcoming obstacles, being on my own, the death of my Papa, more surrender, on my knees asking for guidance, COMPLETE surrender, blessings abound, forgiving myself, a new beginning, true love, dreams becoming reality, hope restored, fresh starts,….ALL OF THAT is in the past….which leads me to the present….which forms my future!

I share that with you because it’s opened my eyes to see that without our pasts, we wouldn’t be the people we are today!! I can’t dwell on the areas that I’ve failed – I need to use those as reminders. I can’t re-live old success – I can appreciate the accomplishment. I’m just going to count it ALL JOY that we can SPRING FORWARD through each moment of our lives – the PAST, the PRESENT and the FUTURE….

Like this:

It’s kind of funny how much of myself I see weaved throughout my kids reactions, responses and their general “perspectives” on life. After questioning it several times, I’m going to stick with the word “funny” that I used in the opening sentence only because I’d like to view this post through a beautiful designer set of rose-colored glasses!

The not-so-funny side of this, is the reality that throughout the past 16 years as a parent, I can go on record saying I’ve blown it at times – OH how I’ve blown it! My reactions, responses and overall perspective aren’t always “proud parenting moments”….and today I saw that I’ve passed some of those on with GLEAMING SUCCESS as demonstrated by one of my fine young lads! The details of the story, while they’d entertain some, I’ll refrain from sharing ONLY because it would expose the child in which I’m speaking of like the Vegas strip lights up the night!

It’s taken me roughly three decades to realize that reacting in anger does nothing but cause hurt and lots of stress! (it’s ok, you can say it, I’m kind of slow!) So today, rather than blow my top in the heat of a VERY FRUSTRATING moment (it didn’t help that I could see a less than positive reflection of myself SHINING BRIGHTLY through my child), I stopped. I decided to evaluate the potential consequences of my anger and how they could affect my boy. “WHY TODAY?”, you ask!?! I HAVE NO IDEA – it just happened. It was as if I could see my son beating himself up mentally & “seeing” my angry scowl over & over throughout his day at school. In the midst of it all, I felt awful and convicted – at that very second, I decided this time was going to be different. I kicked that ‘ol “hindsight is 20/20” lesson I typically learn from, to the curb – it was time for a teachable moment…..FOR ME.

That split second choice which formulated this “moment” I’m sharing with you has been one that’s had me thinking all day. I’M THRILLED I don’t have to regret the words I spoke…it’s not weighting on me….I haven’t had to formulate an apology and hope my son will extend grace to me yet again…it’s got me excited to share with him what I’ve learned and how his lack of planning this morning was ironically just what I needed to make another step in the right direction not just as a Mom, but in several areas of my life!! Who’da thought!?!

So….I guess “funny” seems kind of fitting here right!?! I was served up the teachable moment instead of attempting to stuff one down my child’s throat. Maybe “ironic” is better? Na, I’ll stick with funny since I’m still wearing my rosy designer specs!

Like this:

It’s kind of funny how things happen….when I woke up this morning, I wouldn’t have expected to have the perspective that I do right now. I’m remarkably full of thanksgiving (I’m not talking turkey dinner) and refreshed to know that lifelong bonds are still alive and well in our world today.

Friendship is complicated isn’t it!?! It doesn’t really seem like it should be but then again – it’s relational and with relationships comes an unspoken, in-depth complexity. It requires a level of vulnerability and transparency that I’ve found isn’t as natural for some as others. TRUE friendship doesn’t have time constraints either…..

Denise and I have been friends for YEARS…I’m 37 years old and I have pictures of us together at my 13th bday slumber party at our little apartment on Ross Circle in San Jose, CA. That’s 24 years – at least! We were very close in high school – super close – and Denise was as loyal as they come folks! She stood by me when others wouldn’t, she held my hand, got in my face, set me straight and loved me when I was unlovable! I was so self absorbed “back in the day” that I basically walked away from the friendship because I was on to “new and different” things and people. I see now that I was a LOUSY friend and it also highlighted a terrible character flaw I’ve battled with throughout my life – Selfishness.

YEARS have passed and A LOT has happened in my life during those years – a marriage, two out-of-state moves, having #myfabfour, a divorce, failed relationship, floundering, complete surrender to God, finding my soulmate – to name a select few of the “majors”… through all of those “majors” God’s voice continually spoke to me whether I was experiencing a peak or a valley…the same message rang through my stubborn selfish ears – “serve others, love others, be a loyal friend, follow-through – I’ll take care of your desires Cyndi, you fulfill mine.” I admit, that message didn’t always set well but has proven to be just what GOD KNEW I needed in order to become what HE needed….

Fast forward to today; Denise called me. We shared, talked, laughed and (no surprise to some) I cried tears of joy. Denise is still that loyal friend I’ve always known. Sure, she’s gone through her life and grown through her “majors”, but there she was after all of this time with the open selfless heart she consistently demonstrated to me through my childhood. All I could ponder following the call was, “wow…God knew I couldn’t appreciate the genuine character of this woman the way He wants me to, without going through my “majors” to know what unselfishness looks like.” Thus, my feeling of thanksgiving.

Denise sent me a message moments after our call and a portion of it read…”I feel like rather than calling this a renewed friendship it’s more like that was part one (childhood) and this is the beginning of part two (adulthood) and the middle was just us growing into the people we are”

It’s clear to me yet again that in GOOD OR BAD, HAPPY OR SAD, God has our plan specifically laid out to make us who we are and who we will become….from our childhood to our adulthood.

Like this:

Over and over, I’ve said to myself “you need to start a blog.” Today’s the day! It’s one thing to write down everything about me, my life, my kids, my relationship, my family….and get stuck in the “I, I, I’s” of life…..my desire here, is different. It’s about US…..you, the reader and me on a journey together. I have no idea where we’re heading either – just jumping in and taking off. In order to journey together, I’m going to safely say we should probably become acquainted – which means for JUST TODAY, I’m going to flood you with the “I’s”……. I desire to be used by God to bless people – I’m a Mom of four whom I refer to as #myfabfour (on Twitter) – I’m in love with a man who’s daily reminding me that I’m blessed beyond my wildest dreams – My Mom is my hero – I’m passionate in all I do – I jump in – dive deep – get real – despise unnecessary drama – wish everyone well – hurt for the hurting – pray for the sick – laugh with the happy – cry with those who are mourning – dream with dreamers – understand pain & heartache – desire to make a difference – encourage strangers – love all walks of life – hope to inspire – love to laugh – will earn your trust – am honest to a fault – I’m stubborn – I like things my way – I’m a control freak – I’m learning to surrender – I’m easily flustered – I’m witty – I like to sing – I can’t dance but like to – I love music…and rap is music – I love food – I’ve struggled with weight my whole life – I’m loyal – I’m a real friend – My kids love me – my friends count on me – I’ve been betrayed – I’ve tried and failed – I’m a hopeless romantic – I’m old fashioned – I live to serve those I love – I want to help everyone – I like a tidy house – I’m anal about some things – I like coffee – I get headaches – I cry with people I trust – I’m not very quiet – I like wearing hats – I like demin- I LOVE football – I heart the Oregon Ducks – My favorite NFL team – New England Patriots – New fan of the Lakers – I fly flags outside of my house – I grow trees when I’m talking with those closest to me – I’m in love – I’m happy – I’m focused – I’m determined to make something of myself – I want to help people see their dreams become reality – I wont’ quit – I love social media – I represent people on Twitter & FB – I HATE being taken advantage of – I’m easily taken advantage of – I ramble….can you tell!?! I’m certain I left some things out – but you get the gist! Here I am world – and I’m going to share life with whomever wants to come aboard! :0) WELCOME!!! Until next time – socialcyndi