When one partner wants to travel and the other doesn’t: one year later

Kim’s note: Brian doesn’t write much on this blog but from time to time I convince him to share his side of the story. A year and a half ago, way back when this trip was just a crazy idea I’d come up with, Brian wrote about his feelings and concerns about giving up our “normal” life to travel. He wasn’t sold on the idea and was struggling with the thought of such a huge lifestyle change. You can read the post he wrote here.

Well, we’ve been on the road for five months now and a few readers have asked what Brian thinks and feels about this big adventure. Below, he shares his perspective in his own words.

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Now that Kim and I have been on the road for a little while, it seems time that I provide an update from my point of view.

As regular readers of this blog probably know, I was a little skeptical of the whole quitting-our-jobs-and-traveling idea at first, but as we took steps towards achieving that goal, I became more and more excited about the prospects of life as a vagabond.

Kim and I have now been traveling for five months (Five months?!?! Where has the time gone?). There have been a few ups and downs, as is to be expected, and a number of thoughts have run through my head over this time, both good and bad, but mostly good. In the past few weeks, there have been three thoughts in particular that run through my head on an almost daily basis (in no particular order): 1-Why did I ever question this idea to travel? 2-How can we make this lifestyle last? 3-What the hell took us so long to do this?!?!

Butthe main thought that goes through my head is that I am happy. Truly happy. Every single day. I don’t think there has ever been a time in my life when I have felt so happy for so long. There have been days, sure, but not months. I wasn’t unhappy, mind you, but just sort of trudging along, waiting for the weekends. Now, it’s like a warm sense of contentment has settled into me that tells me ‘this is exactly where you should be and exactly what you should be doing right now.’ It’s a sense of contentment in all the right ways. Contentment that makes me smile more and laugh more.

Brian in the Galapagos with sea lions

Don’t get me wrong, there are times when traveling isn’t so great, like being on a bus for 48 hours straight. Buteven that isn’t so bad when put into the right perspective, such as ‘would you rather be on a bus traveling to a new city right now, or sitting in your cubicle?’ In that light, a bus seat, even a bad one, is the most comfortable seat in the world.

I understand that part of the contentment I am feeling is probably stemming from the freedom from many of the responsibilities that we used to have like a mortgage, bills, work, etc., but it’s more than that. Since Kim and I left Portland back in May, I have felt alive in a way I don’t think I have felt before. I don’t really know how to describe it. No, the air doesn’t smell sweeter, the food doesn’t taste better, or anything like that. Just alive.

At the top of Dead Woman’s Pass on the Inca Trail

One of the things I have noticed while travelling, even when traveling with a partner, is that I have a lot more down time than I used to, more quiet time, and time to spend reflecting. I think this is a big reason that traveling is so important to people and can have profound impacts-it allows you to spend time reflecting, which helps you grow as a person. This is time that you don’t get while working a 9-to-5 and weekends filled with obligations.

Someone once told me that there are no coincidences in life, that everything is connected. She also told me that as you come to know yourself more and become more aware, you notice the connections you once would have attributed to coincidence. Now that I have the time to reflect, I am starting to see more connections, and see that life is a lot less random than I used to think. I can see how seemingly random things and events effect me and how my actions effect others.

If there is anything to ‘get’ out of travelling, this is what I am ‘getting’. A better sense of self. A sense of who I am and who I want to be. It’s a trip of a different sort. Another trip that I wasn’t expecting to take.

It’s like every part of me, my head, heart, and feet, are all moving in the same direction. I think I am growing in a way that I wouldn’t have grown had we never left home. These things I have now, time and experience, are changing me. I can’t say how, but I know it just the same.

So, do I regret it? Hell no I don’t regret it. In fact, I’d do it again in a heartbeat.

What a wonderful and well written post! It almost brought tears to my eyes. I’m so glad that your journey has been so rewarding so far and that you have found such happiness in exploring the world. I wish you both many more wonderful adventures.

B – I am so proud of you and Kim for having the courage to follow your dreams. Loved reading about your journeys from your perspective. Glad you are having so much fun! Be careful & keep each other safe! Love you both!

It’s so great to hear how happy you are Brian, and to be able to read about things from your perspective. I love how you write, your style fits so perfectly with Kim’s and it is obvious what a great match you two are. I’m really looking forward to meeting you in India soon! And I can understand completely how you are feeling, as my partner Lee and I are beginning to feel much the same way now that we have been on the road for a month. Time seems to pass so quickly, but the happiness it imparts hangs around much longer

Thanks for sharing your thoughts about being on the road! I found them very interesting because I am the one who came up with the idea to go travelling while my boyfriend was not so much into it initially… I hope that once we start travelling, in a month (!), he will be as glad about his final decision as you are now!

I think some level of doubts will always be there. Im the down times we wonder if we made the right decision, but we believe that we made the right decision and know there will be ups and downs along the way.

I am so happy for you Brian. This was a great post:) Doubts about our impending travel lifestyle have been creeping into my thoughts lately. I was a little skeptical to at the beginning of our adventure, so it’s inspiring to read your words.I can already hear myself saying,”why the hell did we wait so long”.

Such a beautiful, insightful reflection Brian! Someone told me the same thing once, “There are no coincidences” and I too now look at all the events of my life, especially the challenging ones as stepping stones to exactly where I am right now. It’s always been that way, but now Im aware of it, and THATS the difference.

Wow, has it been five months since you have been on the road. Time is flying by so quickly. I am glad that Brian is enjoying himself and feeling the benefits of travel. You guys remain an inspiration for me.

Kim and Brian, I am so happy that traveling has made you see the world in a thoughtful, appreciative way!! Other experiences in life will be as rewarding and not fully appreciated until you have experienced them!! First in my thoughts, is becoming a parent! Holding your child for the first time is an amazing feeling!!! Love you forever. Be safe and enjoy your adventure. I am looking forward to seeing you both again!!!

So great to read this post! Even though we bet that this would be how you’d be feeling about now, it’s wonderful to see you put it into words. We, too, never felt more alive than when we were on the road, which is why we can’t wait to get back at it!Enjoy this amazing time.

Great to hear that you’re having such a positive experience. It reassures me that my partner and I are doing the right thing in leaving London to travel. That last picture is incredible! Was that just a wild monkey who took a liking to you? I’m so jealous!

I think you are definitely doing the right thing, and even in the off chance you don’t like it, at least you tried, right? And I wish it was a wild monkey, but it was one of three that lived at a hostel we stayed at in Puerto Maldonado.

I am so glad you wrote this follow-up, Brian! Your original post resonated with me a lot when I first read it, so it is nice to see how your perspective has evolved and changed over the last few months of travel! The first few weeks of this new lifestyle can be really challenging and require a lot of adjustments, but it seems that no one who is even a little open to making this leap ever regrets it! Now Tony and I are also trying to scheme ways to keep this travel lifestyle going too! Seems like the four of us are on parallel paths… hopefully one day they’ll intersect!

I agree that few people regret the decision to travel. It is a huge leap of faith to decide to live on the road for any length of time, but is one that I would recommend to anyone. Hopefully we can grab a drink somewhere one day!