STAR TREK: DEEP SPACE NINE
"Little Green Men"
#40510-480
Story by
Toni Marberry & Jack Trevino
Teleplay by
Ira Steven Behr & Robert Hewitt Wolfe
Directed by
James Conway
THE WRITING CREDITS MAY NOT BE FINAL AND SHOULD NOT BE USED
FOR PUBLICITY OR ADVERTISING PURPOSES WITHOUT FIRST CHECKING
WITH THE TELEVISION LEGAL DEPARTMENT.
Copyright 1995 Paramount Pictures Corporation. All Rights
Reserved. This script is not for publication or
reproduction. No one is authorized to dispose of same. If
lost or destroyed, please notify the Script Department.
Return to Script Department FINAL DRAFT
PARAMOUNT PICTURES CORPORATION
September 19, 1995
11:[5,#b],19:[1,#b],37:[2,#b]
STAR TREK: DS9 "Little Green Men" - 09/19/95 - CAS
STAR TREK: DEEP SPACE NINE
"Little Green Men"
CAST
SISKO WAINWRIGHT
KIRA DENNING
ODO CARLSON
BASHIR NURSE GARLAND
DAX
QUARK
O'BRIEN
WORF
JAKE
ROM
NOG
MORN
Non-Speaking Non-Speaking
N.D. SUPERNUMERARIES N.D. MILITARY
STAR TREK: DS9 - "Little Green Men" - 09/19/95 - SETS
STAR TREK: DEEP SPACE NINE
"Little Green Men"
SETS
INTERIORS EXTERIORS
DEEP SPACE NINE DEEP SPACE NINE
QUARK'S
PROMENADE/SECOND LEVEL ARMY/AIR CORPS BASE
OPS HANGAR
NEVADA DESERT
EARTH
EXAMINING ROOM
OBSERVATION ROOM
INTERROGATION ROOM
FERENGI SHUTTLE
STAR TREK: DS9 - "Little Green Men" - 09/20/95 - PRONUNCIATION
STAR TREK: DEEP SPACE NINE
"Little Green Men"
PRONUNCIATION GUIDE
GAILA GAY-luh
KEMACITE KEY-muh-cite
OO-mox OO-machs
RIXX ricks
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - REV. 09/20/95 - TEASER
STAR TREK: DEEP SPACE NINE
"Little Green Men"
TEASER
FADE IN:
1 INT. QUARK'S
We pan across the bar, which is covered with a
collection of Ferengi personal items and knickknacks --
everything from ear-cleaners to pajamas to vials full
of the desiccated remains of notable Ferengi.
ROM (O.S.)
When a young Ferengi goes out on
his own, he traditionally raises
capital by selling his boyhood
treasures.
2 NEW ANGLE
To reveal NOG, standing behind the bar, his father ROM
at his side.
ROM
(continuing)
As you know, my son Nog will be
leaving shortly for Earth and
Starfleet Academy.
3 INCLUDE THE REST OF THE BAR
To reveal the patrons of the bar and the crew of D.S.
Nine standing on the other side of the bar. SISKO,
O'BRIEN, KIRA, WORF, DAX, BASHIR and JAKE are all
present, along with Morn, several other regulars of
Quark's, and a dabo girl. Quark is notably absent.
Rom looks over at his son and his eyes mist over.
ROM
(choking up)
I'm going to miss him. And I know
you will too.
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - 09/19/95 - TEASER 2.
3 CONTINUED:
ROM (Cont'd)
And what better way to remember
him than to purchase one of his
very own personal belongings?
(losing it)
I don't know about you, but, I'm
buying these pajamas.
Rom picks up the pajamas and holds them up to his face
as he weeps.
NOG
(to his father)
That'll be three strips of
latinum.
ROM
Two.
NOG
Sold.
Rom, still holding Nog's pajamas to his face, pays his
son for his purchase.
NOG
(to the crowd)
Let the buying commence. No
reasonable offer will be refused.
And as the Crowd begins to check the merchandise....
4 CLOSE ON O'BRIEN AND WORF
Who hang back. Worf clearly isn't happy to be here.
O'BRIEN
Mister Worf, I didn't expect to
see you here.
WORF
Captain Sisko made it a...
personal request that I attend.
He seems to have taken some
interest in the young Ferengi.
O'BRIEN
The captain sponsored Nog's
application to the Academy.
WORF
A Ferengi at the Academy. I am
not sure that is wise.
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" -09/19/95 - TEASER 2A.
4 CONTINUED:
O'BRIEN
I don't know. Not too long ago
someone might have said the same
thing about you.
Just then, Sisko joins them.
SISKO
You two better hurry or there
won't be anything left to buy.
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - 09/19/95 - TEASER 3.
4 CONTINUED: (2)
Which Kira and Worf both know is more than just a
suggestion. They exchange a look, and then head for
the table.
5 NEW ANGLE
On Bashir and Dax, picking over the merchandise.
BASHIR
(holds up an isolinear
rod)
Nog, what's this?
NOG
My favorite holosuite program...
"A Visit with the Pleasure Goddess
of Rixx." Yours for a mere ten
strips of latinum.
DAX
He'll take it.
(to Bashir)
Consider it a gift.
BASHIR
(smiles)
You're too kind.
6 ANGLE ON KIRA
As she picks up a springball racket off the bar.
KIRA
Nog? where did you get this
springball racket?
NOG
(thinking fast)
Out of a replicator?
KIRA
Try out of my quarters. This is
mine. I've been looking for it
for two years.
Nog reacting like he's never seen it before.
NOG
(faux amazement)
And it was sitting here on the bar
all along. That's incredible.
Nog makes a quick beeline to the other side of the bar.
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - 09/19/95 - TEASER 4.
7 NEW ANGLE
On Worf, who is examining a slim electrical tool with
a puzzled expression. Jake looks over at him.
JAKE
It's a Ferengi tooth sharpener.
Worf activates the sharpener and the head of the
instrument spins with a sharp whirr. Worf studies it
for a beat, then tentatively applies it to one of his
teeth. He holds it there for a beat as if trying to
decide if he likes it, then removes it and reaches
across the bar to grab a passing Nog.
WORF
(re: tooth sharpener)
How much?
8 ANGLE ON THE DOOR
As QUARK ENTERS. He takes a look at the crowd gathered
around his nephew, then spots Rom, who is proudly
watching the sale. Quark grimaces in disgust and then
goes to get Rom.
QUARK
Rom.
ROM
Brother, you're here. If you
hurry, there still might be some
choice items left for you to buy.
QUARK
I'm not here for the sale. Nog
has no business going to Starfleet
Academy. And I'm not doing
anything to encourage him.
(a beat)
Now come with me.
ROM
But the sale...
QUARK
Is over as far as you're
concerned.
(confidentially)
The ship... It's here.
ROM
What ship?
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - 09/19/95 - TEASER 5.
8 CONTINUED:
QUARK
The ship. Our ship.
(corrects himself)
My ship. The shuttle cousin Gaila
owed me.
ROM
(surprised)
He's owed you that shuttle for ten
years.
QUARK
Ever since I loaned him the
latinum to start up his munitions
consortium. He always said that
if he became a success, he'd buy
me my own ship. And now it's
here.
ROM
But why do you need me?
QUARK
Because knowing our cousin, it's
probably defective merchandise.
ROM
(thinks it over for a beat)
I'd better have a look at it.
QUARK
What a wonderful idea. Now get
going.
Rom reluctantly starts to go, still holding the
pajamas. Quark snatches the pajamas out of Rom's hands
and flings them aside.
QUARK
And leave those here.
Quark and Rom EXIT.
9 EXT. SPACE - DEEP SPACE NINE (OPTICAL)
Establishing.
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - 09/19/95 - TEASER 6.
10 INT. FERENGI SHUTTLE
This is a similar ship to the Nagus's personal shuttle.
It's small, with barely enough room for three or four
Ferengi. Rom pops his head out from inside a panel in
the back. Quark is sitting in the pilot's seat,
gleefully surveying his property.
ROM
Brother?
At the sound of his brother's voice, Quark seems to
deflate.
QUARK
All right. Tel1 me what's wrong
with it.
ROM
Nothing. The ship is perfect.
Gaila must've paid a fortune for
it.
QUARK
You mean, it'll actually fly?
ROM
This ship could outrun a Romulan
interceptor. We could take it
halfway across the galaxy before
it would even need a maintenance
check.
QUARK
You don't say.
Quark looks around at the ship.
QUARK
And it's all mine. I can go
anyplace I want.
ROM
Maybe it's time you considered
that early retirement we talked
about. I could take over the bar,
and you could fly off into the
great unknown.
(musing to himself)
Never to return.
(quick correction)
Unless you wanted to.
QUARK
Don't get your hopes up.
(a beat)
The first thing we need to do is
take this thing for a test flight.
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - 09/19/95 - TEASER 7.
10 CONTINUED:
QUARK (Cont'd)
Someplace reasonably far away, but
perfectly safe... Someplace
like...
Rom can't believe what he's hearing. Is Quark really
offering what he thinks he's offering.
ROM
Earth?
QUARK
Exactly. If the boy's going to go
to Starfleet Academy, he might as
well do it in style.
ROM
Yes, Brother. Thank you, Brother.
I'll go tell Nog.
(a beat)
A trip to Earth. This is going to
be fun.
Rom EXITS.
QUARK
Not to mention profitable.
(pats the console)
"All I ask is a tall ship... and
a load of contraband to fill her
with."
And as Quark smiles to himself, already thinking of
ways to make money with the shuttle, we...
FADE OUT.
END OF TEASER
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - REV. 09/20/95 - ACT ONE 8.
ACT ONE
FADE IN:
(NOTE: Episode credits fall over opening scenes)
11 INT. QUARK'S
Morn is behind the bar, and Quark is giving him a few
last minute instructions.
QUARK
Here're the codes to operate the
holosuites.
(hands him an isolinear
rod)
Now remember, don't extend any
lines of credit, don't touch the
dabo girls, and make sure you keep
your eyes on him...
Morn follows Quark's glance and sees...
12 NEW ANGLE
ODO, standing by the door, surveying the crowd.
QUARK
(continuous)
Because he'll be keeping his eyes
on you.
Odo approaches Quark. Morn watches Odo intently, then
nods and EXITS.
ODO
(sarcastic)
Good choice, Quark. I'm sure
Morn'll do an excellent job, as
long as he doesn't drink up all
your profits.
QUARK
(grumbling)
Better him than one of the Ferengi
waiters. They'd rob me blind.
ODO
(a beat)
Very generous of you... taking Nog
to Earth.
QUARK
I'm a generous person.
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - REV. 10/09/95 - ACT ONE 9.
12 CONTINUED:
ODO
So I've noticed.
QUARK
Try not to miss me too much while
I'm gone.
ODO
(sarcastic)
I'll be counting the days until
you get back.
Quark EXITS. Odo watches him go.
13 INT. PROMENADE - SECOND LEVEL
Jake and Nog are standing at their old spot near the
crossover bridge, looking down at the passing crowd.
JAKE
I wonder how many hours you and I
spent hanging around up here.
NOG
Two thousand, one-hundred and
forty-seven.
Jake looks at Nog in surprise.
NOG
Just kidding. But it was a lot.
JAKE
You know, outside of playing
Dom-jot and watching the Bajoran
transports dock, it seems like we
spent most of our time... doing
nothing.
NOG
Maybe so. But I can't think of
anyone I'd rather do nothing with
than you.
JAKE
Same here.
BASHIR (O.S.)
(calling from off screen)
Nog.
Jake and Nog turn to see O'Brien and Bashir
approaching. Bashir is holding a package in his hand.
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - REV. 09/20/95 - ACT ONE 10.
13 CONTINUED:
NOG
(a warning)
Doctor, if you're trying to return
something from the sale...
O'BRIEN
(defending)
It's a going-away present.
BASHIR
To help you get around easier on
Earth.
Bashir hands him the package. Nog opens it and takes
out a PADD. He checks the PADD.
NOG
A guidebook?
O'BRIEN
(a little defensive)
It's not just a guidebook. It's
a completely interactive program
detailing Earth's customs,
culture, history and geography.
BASHIR
Everything you ever wanted to know
about Earth is right in that PADD.
NOG
You mean it'll teach me how to
attract human females?
O'BRIEN
Almost everything.
NOG
(sincere)
I'm sure it'll come in handy.
Thank you.
(a beat)
Well, I'd better get going. My
father and Uncle Quark are waiting
for me.
O'BRIEN
Good luck, Nog.
BASHIR
Make us proud.
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - REV. 09/20/95 - ACT ONE 11.
13 CONTINUED: (2)
Bashir and O'Brien EXIT.
14 CLOSE ON JAKE AND NOG
As they realize this is good-bye.
JAKE
I'll walk you over to the airlock.
Nog and Jake walk a couple of steps, then both turn
back and take one last look at their old hangout.
JAKE
It was a good spot.
NOG
The best.
Jake and Nog EXIT.
15 EXT. SPACE - DEEP SPACE NINE (OPTICAL)
Establishing.
16 INT. OPS
Kira and Dax are at their stations. Sisko comes out of
his office.
DAX
The Ferengi Shuttle "Quark's
Treasure" has departed the
station.
KIRA
Quark, Rom and Nog together on
that ship all the way to Earth.
(a beat)
I'm glad I'm not going with them.
SISKO
Only one thing worries me.
(off reactions, joking)
No one warned Earth that they're
coming.
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men"- REV. 10/09/95 - ACT ONE 12.
16 CONTINUED:
Dax doesn't get the irony. Kira smiles.
17 INT. FERENGI SHUTTLE
Rom is in the pilot's chair. Quark sits behind him,
playing Captain. Nog is off to one side, reading from
his guidebook to Earth.
NOG
(amazed)
It says here that humans didn't
even have currency until five
thousand years ago. Let alone
banking, speculative investments
or a unified global economy.
QUARK
They're a primitive, backward
people, Nog. Pity them.
NOG
But think about it, uncle. That
means they went from being savages
with a simple barter system to the
leaders of a vast interstellar
Federation in only five thousand
years... It took us twice as long
to establish the Ferengi Alliance.
And we had to buy warp technology
from the...
QUARK
(cuts him off)
Five thousand... ten thousand...
what's the difference? The speed
of technological advancement isn't
nearly as important as short-term
quarterly gains.
(snaps at Rom)
Can't this thing go any faster?
ROM
We're already exceeding the safe
maximum cruising speed by two
tenths of a warp factor.
QUARK
(playing Captain)
Push it another tenth. This trip
is taking long enough as it is.
Rom nods. He understands.
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - 09/19/95 - ACT ONE 13.
17 CONTINUED:
ROM
Relax, Brother. I know kemacite
is unstable, but another day or
two won't make any difference.
QUARK
What are you talking about?
ROM
The shipment of kemacite that
you're smuggling in the cargo
hold.
NOG
(surprised)
Uncle Quark, you're smuggling
kemacite? Isn't that dangerous?
ROM
(answering for his
brother)
Dangerous... And highly
profitable. Especially if we make
a side trip to Orion on the way
home from Earth.
Quark considers continuing to deny Rom's accusations,
but decides it isn't worth the effort.
QUARK
What tipped you off?
ROM
When I engaged the impulse
engines, I noticed the ship's
weight distribution was a little
off. So the last time you went to
waste extraction... I snuck back
to the cargo bay and took a look
around.
Quark can't believe he's been caught by Rom of all
people.
QUARK
When did you get so smart?
ROM
I've always been smart, Brother.
I've just lacked self-confidence.
(a beat)
Of course, I could forget
everything I saw.
QUARK
How much?
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - 09/19/95 - ACT ONE 14.
17 CONTINUED: (2)
ROM
Twenty percent of the profits.
Quark turns on Nog.
QUARK
And I suppose you'll want a cut,
too?
NOG
As a Starfleet cadet, it's my duty
to report any violation of
Federation law to my superiors
immediately.
(smiles)
But then again, I haven't been
sworn in yet. I'll take ten
percent.
QUARK
(grumbling)
It's a deal.
(to Rom)
I thought I told you to go faster.
Rom nods, pleased with the outcome of the conversation.
ROM
Faster it is.
He inputs the command to increase speed.
18 EXT. SPACE (OPTICAL)
The Ferengi Shuttle at warp.
19 INT. FERENGI SHUTTLE
Time has passed. Quark is asleep in his chair.
ROM
Brother, wake up. We're
approaching Earth's star system.
QUARK
(eyes still closed,
smiles)
Take her out of warp.
As Rom inputs the commands, Nog comes out from the back
compartment. He's holding his PADD.
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - 09/19/95 - ACT ONE 15.
19 CONTINUED:
NOG
Father, have you ever heard of the
Bell Riots?
ROM
Don't bother me now.
NOG
But doesn't this Gabriel Bell
human look just like Captain
Sisko...
QUARK
(dismissive)
All humans look alike.
Quark sits up and looks at the instrument panel.
QUARK
I thought I told you to take us
out of warp.
Rom continues to input commands. He's starting to look
worried.
ROM
I'm trying, Brother. But the warp
core isn't responding. It looks
like the command sequencer has
been disabled.
Rom starts frantically working the controls.
ROM
I don't understand. I tested
everything. The only way this
could've happened is...
(getting a bad feeling)
If the command sequencer was
designed to fail.
NOG
You mean... sabotage.
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - REV. 09/20/95 - ACT ONE 16.
19 CONTINUED: (2)
As soon as the word is out of Nog's mouth, Quark sees
exactly what's occurred.
QUARK
(bitter)
Cousin Gaila.
NOG
He never did like you very much,
Uncle.
QUARK
Okay, okay. No need to panic. So
the warp drive won't shut down.
What's the worst thing that could
happen?
ROM
The ship could continue
accelerating until it tears itself
apart and scatters our remains
halfway across the quadrant.
Quark agitatedly tries to think of a way out.
QUARK
There must be something we can
do...
ROM
(thinking aloud)
Jettison the warp core... No, I
tried that already. Emergency
overrides are frozen.
QUARK
Then we'll have to try something
else, won't we?
ROM
(gets an idea)
The kemacite!
(off reactions, trying
to sell them)
If we vent plasma from the warp
core into the cargo hold, we may
be able to start a cascade
reaction in the kemacite.
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - REV. 09/20/95 - ACT ONE 17.
19 CONTINUED: (3)
ROM (Cont'd)
Then we can modulate the reaction
to create an inversion wave in the
warp field and force the ship back
into normal space! If I time it
just right, I should be able to
get us close enough to Earth to
make an emergency landing.
Quark and Nog look at each other, hoping one of them
will back up Rom's theory. Unfortunately, neither of
them has any idea of what he's saying.
QUARK
Rom, you're a genius.
ROM
You think so?
QUARK
How should I know? I have no idea
what you're talking about. Just
do it.
Rom sets about implementing his plan.
ROM
Hold on.
And with that, Rom hits a control and the ship SHAKES
violently, a high pitched whine starts to build and...
20 EXT. SPACE (OPTICAL)
The Ferengi Shuttle, still at warp, is suddenly
surrounded by a ball of incandescent white light, white
expands to fill the screen and then...
WHITE OUT.
21 WHITE SCREEN (OPTICAL)
The screen is filled with white light for a beat, and then...
SHOCK CUT TO:
22 INT. EXAMINING ROOM
Close on Quark whose eyes suddenly snap open in panic.
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - REV. 09/20/95 - ACT ONE 18.
23 NEW ANGLE
As Quark sits up in shock and looks around. He's
sitting on a World War Two-era operating room table, a
white sheet draped over his body. He's still dressed
in his clothes, but all pins, metal buttons, and other
ornaments have been removed. He looks around and sees
Nog and Rom, lying on similar beds. They're
unconscious.
QUARK
Rom? Nog?
There's a mirror across the room which reflects Quark's
face. But before Ouark (or the audience) can
completely process this location, we...
CUT TO:
24 INT. OBSERVATION ROOM
Close on an unfiltered cigarette dangling from a man's
mouth. The rest of the man's face is obscured in
darkness. As we watch, the man, who we will come to
know as CAPTAIN WAINWRIGHT, lights the cigarette, takes
a drag, and lifts a 1940's era phone to face.
CAPTAIN WAINWRIGHT
(into phone)
Get me General Denning.
(a beat)
Tell him one of the Martians is
awake.
And as Captain Wainwright puts down his lighter next to
the rotary phone, we zoom in on a nearby calendar.
25 CLOSE ON THE CALENDAR
Which displays a picture of Rita Hayworth and reads...
"JULY 1947"
Hold on these words for a beat, then...
FADE OUT.
END OF ACT ONE
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - REV. 09/20/95 - ACT TWO 19.
ACT TWO
FADE IN:
26 EXT. ARMY/AIR CORPS BASE - DAY
An establishing shot of the outside of a large military
building.
27 INT. OBSERVATION ROOM
This is a dark, smoke-filled room, where soldiers in
1940's-era clothing study the Ferengi through what we
now realize is a two-way mirror.
In the center of the room is a broad-beamed, craggy-
faced Army Air Corps general, the butt of a fat stogie
clenched in his teeth. This is GENERAL REX DENNING, a
no-nonsense veteran of two world wars who's ready to
take on the Martians to defend the good old USA if
necessary.
Also present are Captain Wainwright, PROFESSOR JEFF
CARLSON, an idealistic young scientist, his fiancee
FAITH GARLAND, a Woman's Army Corps nurse, and two
M.P.s, one with a large GERMAN SHEPHERD guard dog.
CAPTAIN WAINWRIGHT
We've got the farmer who found
their ship locked up in the
B.O.Q., but I don't know how much
longer we can keep him there.
When Denning speaks it's with the gravely voice of a
lifelong smoker.
GENERAL DENNING
You keep him there until I tell
you to let him go. Did you take
care of that idiot in Roswell who
told the press we captured a
flying saucer?
CAPTAIN WAINWRIGHT
We've convinced him to issue a
retraction.
(smiling)
Turns out it was just a weather
balloon.
GENERAL DENNING
A weather balloon, huh?
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - REV. 09/20/95 - ACT TWO 19A.
27 CONTINUED:
CAPTAIN WAINWRIGHT
We had to come up with something
quick. The last thing we need is
a bunch of reporters snooping
around.
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - REV. 09/20/95 - ACT TWO 20.
27 CONTINUED: (2)
Professor Carlson takes out a pack of cigarettes, hands
one to Nurse Garland, puts one in his own mouth, and
lights both cigarettes.
PROFESSOR CARLSON
You can't keep this from the
public forever, General. Beings
from another planet have landed on
Earth. It's one of the most
important events in human history.
GENERAL DENNING
Maybe. But we can't risk causing
a panic. I'm not telling the
public anything until we know
exactly what we're up against.
Denning turns and we see that everyone in the room is
watching Quark, Nog and Rom through the two-way
mirror. We can't hear them until the General reaches
over and flips a toggle switch activating a speaker
over the mirror. (Because the Ferengis' universal
translators are on the blink, we hear untranslated
Ferengi whenever we're seeing them from the humans'
point of view. Rough translations are in parentheses.)
QUARK
Pip im gren tovat. Yop bree gren
skin law po far. (This is all your
fault. I told you to check
the ship.)
ROM
Yop im too, yoba. Yop sko ta yop
ma. (I'm sorry, brother. I did
the best I could.)
28 INT. EXAMINING ROOM
Quark, Rom and Nog are trying to make sense of their
surroundings. Now that the Ferengi are alone, we
understand them perfectly. Quark checks the room's
only door.
QUARK
Locked.
(he looks around the
room)
What is this place? Where are we?
ROM
I wish you'd stop asking that. I
told you, I don't know.
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - REV. 09/20/95 - ACT TWO 21.
28 CONTINUED:
NOG
The last thing I remember was
father taking the shuttle in for
an emergency landing.
QUARK
We must be on Earth. But where?
NOG
One thing's for sure, this isn't
Starfleet Academy.
ROM
I wonder what happened to the ship?
Suddenly realizing he's suffered a grave financial
loss.
QUARK
My ship. Where's my ship?
Quark banging on the door.
QUARK
Hey... anybody out there? What
did you do with my ship? I want
my ship back.
29 INT. OBSERVATION ROOM
As the soldiers and scientists watch Quark bang on the
door.
QUARK
Goss uff wok ton. Goss uff wok
ton. (Let us out of here. Let us
out of here.)
Wainwright draws his pistol and clicks off the safety.
CAPTAIN WAINWRIGHT
He's trying to break out.
The two M.P.s who are near the door raise their
sidearms.
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - REV. 09/21/95 - ACT TWO 22.
29 CONTINUED:
NURSE GARLAND
(to Professor Carlson)
Don't let them hurt him. He's
just scared.
Professor Carlson agrees with Nurse Garland and lobbies
on Quark's behalf.
PROFESSOR CARLSON
General, these creatures come from
a race far more advanced than our
own. There's no telling what they
could teach us. We have to try to
communicate with them.
General Denning takes a long, thoughtful puff on his
cigar.
GENERAL DENNING
Well you're in luck. The
President agrees with you. He
wants us to try to talk to them.
So that's just what you're going
to do.
PROFESSOR CARLSON
Me?
GENERAL DENNING
We didn't ask you here just
because you're Nurse Garland's
fiancee, Professor. I need
someone to talk to these Martians.
And you're elected.
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - 09/19/95 - ACT TWO 23.
30 INT. EXAMINING ROOM
Quark gives up on the door.
QUARK
I knew it. I knew Earth was a bad
idea. Ferengis and humans have no
business being together.
(to Nog)
But you had to go to Starfleet
Academy.
ROM
Don't blame my son. It was your
idea to use Gaila's shuttle.
QUARK
And you were the one who told me
it was safe.
NOG
(to Quark, re: Rom)
Leave him alone. If it wasn't for
my father, we'd all be dead.
ROM
(suddenly getting an
idea)
Maybe we are dead.
QUARK
What are you talking about?
ROM
(looking around the
room)
Maybe this is the Divine Treasury.
QUARK
Don't be ridiculous. The Divine
Treasury is made of pure latinum.
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - REV. 09/20/95 - ACT TWO 24.
30 CONTINUED:
QUARK (Cont'd)
And besides... where's the Blessed
Exchequer, where are the Celestial
Auctioneers? And why aren't we
bidding for our new lives?
Rom suddenly gets a very worried look.
ROM
You don't think... we're in the
other place?
NOG
(worried)
The Vault of Eternal Destitution?
QUARK
(insulted)
Don't be ridiculous. The bar was
showing a profit.
Just then, the door opens and the two M.P.s ENTER, guns
ready. After they've secured the room, they're
followed by Professor Carlson, Nurse Garland and
Wainwright.
(NOTE: Until the Universal Translators are fixed in Act
Three, scenes containing both Ferengis and humans will
be filmed in the following way: When humans or
Ferengis speak among themselves, dialogue will be in
English. Human speech will be electronically distorted
and unintelligible when seen from the Ferengi point-of-
view, and Ferengi will speak untranslated Ferengi when
seen from the human point-of-view. This will be
indicated throughout the following scenes.)
Professor Carlson approaches the Ferengi.
PROFESSOR CARLSON
Welcome to Earth. We mean you no
harm.
And as Professor Carlson continues speaking to the
Ferengi...
CUT TO:
31 THE FERENGIS' POINT-OF-VIEW
Professor Carlson now seems to be speaking gibberish.
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - REV. 09/22/95 - ACT TWO 25.
31 CONTINUED:
PROFESSOR CARLSON
(distorted and
unintelligible)
We're sorry we had to separate you
from your ship, but I'm sure you
can understand that we have lots
of questions for you.
32 CLOSE ON ROM, QUARK, AND NOG
Who look confused.
QUARK
Did you understand a word of that?
ROM
Our universal translators must be
malfunctioning.
Rom begins hitting his ear. Quark and Nog follow suit.
33 CLOSE ON PROFESSOR CARLSON, NURSE GARLAND, AND
CAPTAIN WAINWRIGHT
As they react to the sight of the Ferengi pounding the
side of their heads.
CAPTAIN WAINWRIGHT
What are they doing?
NURSE GARLAND
Maybe it's some kind of greeting.
She begins banging her head.
PROFESSOR CARLSON
(to Wainwright)
She may be onto something.
Professor Carlson also begins pounding his head.
Wainwright turns to the M.P.s.
CAPTAIN WAINWRIGHT
You heard him.
Wainwright and the M.P.s smack the side of their heads,
too.
34 CLOSE ON QUARK, ROM, AND NOG
As they react to the sight of the humans hitting their
ears.
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - REV. 09/20/95 - ACT TWO 26.
34 CONTINUED:
QUARK
What are they doing?
ROM
Maybe their universal translators
are broken too.
Nog stops banging his head.
NOG
(a frightening
realization)
No. They don't have universal
translators. I recognize those
uniforms from my guidebook.
They're from the twentieth
century.
ROM
The twentieth century? You mean
we've traveled back through time?
NOG
More than four hundred years.
Those are military uniforms from
one of the old nation/states.
(trying to remember)
Australia... or something.
Rom also stops banging his head.
ROM
So if they don't have universal
translators, then why are they
banging their heads?
Quark also stops banging his head and the humans follow
suit.
QUARK
They're just mimicking us.
35 CLOSE ON QUARK AND WAINWRIGHT
As Quark walks up to the Captain.
QUARK
Brik yop tal hopdrew, ki los hoem
bog? (If I jumped off a roof,
would you do that, too?)
Nurse Garland smiles at what she thinks is a moment of
connection.
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - REV. 09/22/95 - ACT TWO 27.
35 CONTINUED:
NURSE GARLAND
I think he likes you, Captain.
36
thru OMITTED
37
38 NEW ANGLE
As Quark turns to Rom and Nog. In the background,
Wainwright confers with Nurse Garland and Professor
Carlson, but their words are all distorted.
QUARK CAPTAIN WAINWRIGHT
I always heard primitive (unintelligible)
humans lacked intelligence, I hope I didn't insult him.
but I never thought
they'd be this stupid. PROFESSOR CARLSON
(unintelligible)
NOG I'd say you did just fine.
(worried) (to Nurse Garland)
They weren't just stupid... Nurse, I want you to begin
They were also violent, running some simple medical
petty, bigoted and selfish. tests... Heart-rate, blood-
pressure, body temperature.
ROM
And we're stuck here with NURSE GARLAND
them... Maybe for the rest (unintelligible)
of our lives. Right away, Professor.
Quark's already beginning to see the possibilities of
three superior, intelligent, technologically
sophisticated Ferengis living in a world of backward
humans. He walks up to Nurse Garland, and smiles
lasciviously.
QUARK
The three of us and millions of
primitive humans.
(grinning)
I like those odds.
Hold on Quark as he begins planning his conquest of the
world, then...
FADE OUT.
END OF ACT TWO
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - REV. 09/20/95 - ACT THREE 28.
ACT THREE
FADE IN:
39 INT. EXAMINING ROOM
Quark is sitting on one of the examination tables while
Nurse Garland takes his blood pressure. Wainwright is
gone, but the two M.P.s are still present.
NURSE GARLAND
(distorted and
unintelligible)
Two-fifty over one-sixty-seven.
If you were human, I'd say you
were due for a heart attack.
QUARK
What do you say I teach you how to
oo-mox? Trust me, you'll like it.
Nurse Garland can't understand a word Quark is saying,
but she smiles.
QUARK
Is that a "Yes?"
40 NEW ANGLE
As Nurse Garland turns to Professor Carlson, who is
studying Nog and Rom. Rom is looking into Nog's ear.
NURSE GARLAND
I've given them every medical test
I can think of, but the only thing
I can tell you for sure... is
they're not human.
PROFESSOR CARLSON
Well, that's a start.
(re: Rom and Nog)
I think these two are involved in
some kind of grooming ritual.
Look how the older one is taking
care of the younger one.
NURSE GARLAND
It's sweet. Maybe they're father
and son? Wouldn't that be
something? They come from so far
away, but they still have the same
basic family structure that we do.
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - REV. 09/25/95 - ACT THREE 29.
40 CONTINUED:
PROFESSOR CARLSON
I wonder if the third one's
related too.
NURSE GARLAND
For all we know, it could be the
mother.
Just then, Quark shouts at Rom...
QUARK
(in Ferengi)
Gren fa hoe loth pex-pil?
(Haven't you got that translator
fixed yet?)
PROFESSOR CARLSON
If she is the mother, she's quite
a shrew.
41 NEW ANGLE
On Rom and Nog.
ROM
I'm working as fast as I can,
brother. But there must be some
kind of interference disrupting
our translators.
QUARK
What kind of interference?
ROM
(thinking aloud)
I'm not sure... Could be solar flares,
or maybe ionic interference...
(a long shot)
Or I suppose it could be beta
radiation. But that's only
produced by nuclear fission.
QUARK
Don't be an idiot. Nuclear
fission doesn't happen within
planetary atmospheres.
Nog gets a troubled look.
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - 09/19/95 - ACT THREE 30.
41 CONTINUED:
NOG
They do here.
(off reactions)
In the twentieth century humans
used crude nuclear reactors as
weapons. They called them atom
bombs. They used to blow them up
all the time.
QUARK
(amazed)
They irradiated their own planet?
ROM
If Nog says so, they did. He
knows all about Earth history.
This worries Quark a little. People who would use
nuclear weapons on their own world are capable of
anything.
QUARK
(to Rom)
You'd better fix the translators
fast. The sooner we start talking
to these savages, the better off
we'll be.
42 ANGLE ON PROFESSOR CARLSON AND NURSE GARLAND
As they watch the Ferengi.
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - REV. 09/20/95 - ACT THREE 31.
42 CONTINUED:
Nurse Garland adjusts one of the hairpins holding her
hair up. Rom sees it and goes over to her.
ROM
Vo yop toe pah?
(Can I have that?)
He holds out his hand.
PROFESSOR CARLSON
He seems to want something from
you.
NURSE GARLAND
(joking)
You'd better tell him I'm your
girl.
ROM
Yop triska gleep do-sta gren-la.
(I need that metal thing you're
holding.)
PROFESSOR CARLSON
I think he wants your hairpin.
NURSE GARLAND
If you say so, Professor.
Nurse Garland can't understand why a technologically
sophisticated alien would want a hairpin, but she
hands it to Rom with great ceremony.
NURSE GARLAND
Here you go.
ROM
Neep-gren. (Thank you.)
Rom straightens the hair pin and goes over to Nog.
43 CLOSE ON NOG AND ROM
As Rom begins prodding around in Nog's ear with the
hairpin.
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - REV. 09/20/95 - ACT THREE 32.
43 CONTINUED:
ROM
Now where's that reset button?
Rom starts fishing around, trying to reset the
translator with the pin.
44 CLOSE ON NURSE GARLAND AND PROFESSOR CARLSON
Watching the Ferengis. Nurse Garland reacts to Rom
shoving the now straight hairpin into Nog's ear.
NURSE GARLAND
Ouch. That looks like it hurts.
PROFESSOR CARLSON
(re: Nog)
He doesn't seem to mind.
As Professor Carlson and Nurse Garland reflect on the
nature of the Ferengi, Professor Carlson lights up a
pair of cigarettes and hands one to Nurse Garland.
PROFESSOR CARLSON
I wish I had some help. I don't
know why we can't bring in a few
more experts.
NURSE GARLAND
Let's face it, Jeff, when it comes
to beings from another planet, we
don't have any experts.
(a beat)
You'll find a way to communicate
with them, darling. I know you
will.
(a beat)
Imagine the possibilities... Who
knows what they can teach us. A
few years from now, mankind could
have rocket ships of our own. We
could travel the galaxy, exploring
new worlds, new civilizations...
PROFESSOR CARLSON
(smiles)
Always the dreamer.
NURSE GARLAND
That's why you love me.
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - 09/19/95 - ACT THREE 32A.
44 CONTINUED:
PROFESSOR CARLSON
It's funny, isn't it? Here we are
in the middle of one of the
greatest discoveries in human
history, and all I can think about
is what you're going to look like
in your wedding dress.
NURSE GARLAND
My mother keeps asking me where
we're going on our honeymoon. She
thinks we should go to Niagara
Falls.
PROFESSOR CARLSON
(looks over at the
Ferengi)
Who knows... maybe we'll go to
Mars.
They both laugh. Professor Carlson exhales a puff of
smoke and Quark coughs at the foul smell.
45 ON QUARK
As he reacts to the cigarette smoke.
QUARK
What is that disgusting smell?
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - REV. 09/25/95 - ACT THREE 33.
45 CONTINUED:
Nog answers as Rom continues to work on his ear.
NOG
I think it's called tobacco.
(off reaction)
It's a deadly drug. When used
frequently, it destroys the
internal organs.
QUARK
If it's so deadly, then why do
they use it?
NOG
It's also highly addictive.
ROM
How do they get their hands on it?
NOG
They buy it in stores.
QUARK
They buy it?
(thoughtful)
If they'll buy poison, they'll buy
anything.
Quark's eyes light up.
QUARK
(a predatory smile)
I think I'm going to like it here.
Nog can tell what Quark is thinking.
NOG
Uncle, I hope you're not thinking
of doing anything that would
disrupt the timeline.
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - REV. 09/20/95 - ACT THREE 34.
45 CONTINUED: (2)
QUARK
Perish the thought.
NOG
Changing the history of Earth
could effect the entire galaxy.
The Federation, Deep Space Nine,
your bar... it could all cease to
exist.
QUARK
(dismissive)
Wouldn't that be a shame.
(to Rom)
Rom, hurry up with those
translators.
46 EXT. ARMY/AIR CORPS BASE - DAY
Re-establishing.
47 EXT. ARMY/AIR CORPS BASE - OUTSIDE THE BUILDING - DAY
General Denning is having a smoke and talking to
Professor Carlson and Captain Wainwright. Wainwright
shows Denning a black and white photo of the shuttle.
CAPTAIN WAINWRIGHT
The aliens' ship has a small
control area in the front and
rudimentary sleeping quarters in
the back. So far, we can't even
figure out what drives the
engines, let alone how they work.
As Wainwright is talking, the stray German Shepherd
wanders up to the three men. Jeff bends down to
scratch the dog behind the ear.
PROFESSOR CARLSON
Hey, how you doing, big fella.
GENERAL DENNING
You making any headway, Professor?
PROFESSOR CARLSON
It's fascinating. I would've
expected creatures of their
technological sophistication to
communicate telepathically. But
they seem to have a structured
verbal language just like we do.
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - REV. 09/21/95 - ACT THREE 35.
47 CONTINUED:
PROFESSOR CARLSON (Cont'd)
(thinks for a beat)
Given enough time, a good team of
linguists could probably decipher it.
CAPTAIN WAINWRIGHT
We're not bringing in anyone else.
Too many people know about this as
it is.
GENERAL DENNING
(agreeing)
Besides, we don't have the time.
President Truman is an impatient man.
He wants answers, and he
wants 'em now.
48 NEW ANGLE
As Nurse Garland comes out of the building. She looks
excited.
NURSE GARLAND
Jeff, General Denning... I think
you'd better come inside right
away.
General Denning and Professor Carlson exchange a look,
then head for the building.
49 INT. EXAMINING ROOM
Quark stands proudly in front of the other two Ferengi,
waiting expectantly. As Professor Carlson rushes into
the room, followed by Denning and Wainwright, Quark
brings himself up to his full height, puffs out his
chest impressively, and speaks perfectly understandable
English in his most commanding voice.
QUARK
My name is Quark... Chief
Financial Officer of the Ferengi
Alliance. And I've got a business
proposition for you.
And as Denning, Wainwright, Nurse Garland, and
Professor Carlson react to Quark's pronouncement...
FADE OUT.
END OF ACT THREE
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men"- REV. 10/09/95 - ACT FOUR 36.
ACT FOUR
FADE IN:
50 INT. OBSERVATION ROOM
Quark has asked for a private audience with Denning.
What he's gotten is Denning and two M.P. bodyguards.
Denning is standing over Quark, looking into his ear
with a flashlight.
GENERAL DENNING
I don't see any universal
translator.
QUARK
Trust me, it's in there.
Denning flicks off the flashlight and takes a
contemplative puff on his cigar.
GENERAL DENNING
And this gadget of yours, that's
what makes it possible for us to
understand each other?
(off Quark's nod)
How's it work?
QUARK
It's simple... if you have the
know-how. You'd be surprised at
the kind of things you can do...
with the right technology. Which
brings me to why I'm here.
GENERAL DENNING
I was wondering about that.
QUARK
I've been sent by my people to
open up a new market for advanced
Ferengi technology.
GENERAL DENNING
What kind of technology are you
talking about?
QUARK
How would you like to travel
beyond the stars at speeds you
never even dreamt were possible?
Or be able to transport yourself
from one place to another in the
blink of an eye?
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men"- REV. 10/09/95 - ACT FOUR 36A.
50 CONTINUED:
GENERAL DENNING
You know how to do that?
QUARK
That's only the beginning. We can
give you the medical knowledge to
cure your deadliest diseases. We
have machines that can produce
food, clothing, out of thin air.
General Denning chomps on his stogie and moves closer
to Quark.
GENERAL DENNING
What about weapons?
Quark breaks into a broad grin.
QUARK
Weapons... If you want weapons,
I'm the man to see. We can teach
you how to make phasers,
disruptors, photon torpedoes... or
even quantum torpedoes. A little
more expensive, but worth it.
GENERAL DENNING
And what do you want in return?
QUARK
That depends. What do you use for
currency around here... latinum...
dilithium...
GENERAL DENNING
We use dollars.
QUARK
(considers it)
Dollars... never heard of them.
(hopeful)
Don't you have any gemstones, or
precious minerals?
GENERAL DENNING
You mean like gold?
QUARK
Gold? Gold is good.
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - REV. 10/09/95 - ACT FOUR 36B.
50 CONTINUED: (2)
GENERAL DENNING
How much gold are we talking
about?
QUARK
Seeing that we're going to be
advancing your culture about four
hundred years overnight... I'd say
a couple of million bars would be
about right.
(a beat)
As a good faith deposit.
The two M.P.s turn their heads to one another. They
don't like the sound of that. Neither does Denning.
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - 09/19/95 - ACT FOUR 37.
50 CONTINUED: (3)
GENERAL DENNING
You know, Quark, you might be some
kind of Martian...
QUARK
(interrupting)
Ferengi.
GENERAL DENNING
Whatever. But the more we talk,
the more you remind me of my
brother-in-law.
QUARK
Is he a businessman?
GENERAL DENNING
He's a car salesman. And not a
very good one.
QUARK
Then he's nothing like me.
GENERAL DENNING
(smoldering)
The bottom line is I don't trust
him and I don't trust you. So
before we sit down and sign any
contracts, you're going to tell me
what the hell you people are
really doing here.
By the end of the above speech, Denning is in Quark's
face. Quark backs away, but tries to stay calm.
QUARK
(rational)
I just told you. We're here to
open up trade negotiations. If
you're not interested, just say
so. I'm sure I can do business
with one of your planet's other
nation states.
GENERAL DENNING
In other words, if we don't play
ball, you'll sell those advanced
weapons of yours to the Russians.
Quark has no idea who the Russians are, but he can tell
Denning doesn't like him.
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men"- REV. 10/09/95 - ACT FOUR 38.
50 CONTINUED: (4)
QUARK
I'd rather it didn't come to that.
To be honest, I'd much rather work
with you Australians.
GENERAL DENNING
Americans.
QUARK
Whatever. But if you won't do
business with me, and the Russians
will, who am I to say no?
Denning doesn't trust Quark, but he doesn't want him
talking to the Russians either.
GENERAL DENNING
(tough)
I'm not saying we can't do
business. But I don't have the
authority to make this kind of
decision. I'll have to get
clearance from the President.
QUARK
I can wait.
General Denning exhales a puff of smoke. Quark coughs.
QUARK
But in the meantime, let me give
you some free advice, just to show
I'm on your side.
(confidential)
You people should take better care
of yourselves. Stop poisoning
your bodies with tobacco and atom
bombs. Sooner or later, that kind
of stuff will kill you.
General Denning's eyes narrow. Quark's attacking basic
American values.
GENERAL DENNING
What do you know about atom bombs?
Quark puts on his best superior space being attitude.
QUARK
My people have been watching your
world for many years. We know all
about you. Baseball, root beer,
darts... atom bombs.
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - 09/19/95 - ACT FOUR 39.
50 CONTINUED: (5)
QUARK (Cont'd)
It's quite a fascinating culture
you humans have here. And with a
little Ferengi technology, it
could be even better.
(a beat)
Now, why don't you go talk to that
president of yours?
Hold on Denning as he considers Quark's offer.
51 EXT. ARMY/AIR CORPS BASE - NIGHT
Re-establishing.
52 INT. EXAMINING ROOM
Faith and Jeff are talking with Rom and Nog. Now that
the universal translators are working, they're getting
along very well. The German Shepherd is curled up at
Professor Carlson's feet. The Professor scratches it.
PROFESSOR CARLSON
Let me get this straight, Rom...
Are you saying that all the women
on your world walk around naked?
ROM
It's the law.
PROFESSOR CARLSON
You don't say?
NURSE GARLAND
(amused)
Well I guess I'm never going to
visit your world.
(to the Professor)
And neither are you.
Nog rubbing his ear, pretending it hurts.
NOG
Nurse Garland, I'm having trouble
with my ear again. Could you
massage it some more?
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - REV. 10/09/95 - ACT FOUR 40.
52 CONTINUED:
Faith has no idea that Nog is manipulating her into
giving him oo-mox.
NURSE GARLAND
Are you sure you don't want a
doctor to look at that?
NOG
No. I feel more comfortable with
you.
She starts rubbing his ear. Nog tries to conceal the
bliss he's feeling.
NOG
Ah... much better.
ROM
You know, come to think of it, my
ear's bothering me too.
Just then:
53 NEW ANGLE
As Quark ENTERS, looking proud of himself. Everyone
looks over at him. Faith stops oo-moxing Nog, to his
disappointment.
ROM
Brother, how did your meeting with
the general go?
Quark doesn't answer. He looks over at Jeff and Faith.
He obviously wants some privacy. Professor Carlson
takes the hint.
PROFESSOR CARLSON
It's late. We should let you get
some rest.
NOG
I'm not tired.
NURSE GARLAND
We'll visit some more tomorrow.
Faith and Jeff EXIT, but the dog stays in the room.
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - 09/19/95 - ACT FOUR 40A.
53 CONTINUED:
QUARK
There's something about that
female that I don't like.
(a beat)
She's so... cheerful.
Quark shudders at the thought.
ROM
What about the general?
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - REV. 09/20/95 - ACT FOUR 41.
53 CONTINUED: (2)
NOG
Is he going to let us leave?
QUARK
Don't worry. Everything's under
control.
Quark notices the dog is still in the room.
54 ANGLE ON THE DOG (OPTICAL)
As the German Shepherd gets up and approaches Quark.
The Ferengis back away in fear from this monstrous
animal.
QUARK
They forgot to take that thing
with them.
ROM
It seems to like you, brother.
QUARK
(to the dog)
Get away from me.
Just then, the dog leaps up, plants its paws on Quark's
shoulders, and MORPHS into...
55 ODO
Who grabs Quark by the lapels and glares at him.
ODO
Hello, Quark.
QUARK
Odo? What are you doing here?
ODO
Placing you under arrest for
attempting to smuggle kemacite.
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - 09/19/95 - ACT FOUR 42.
55 CONTINUED:
ODO (Cont'd)
(a beat)
Did you really expect me to
believe you were traveling all
the way to Earth just to be nice
to your nephew?
Rom realizes what this means.
ROM
You hid on board the ship.
ODO
(grumpy)
That's right. And now I'm stuck
here with you.
(a beat)
Now listen carefully, because I
don't have much time. Someone
could walk in here any minute.
Your ship is in a hangar on the
other side of the base. It
sustained some damage in the
crash, but the engines are still
functioning. If we're lucky, we
should be able to use it to get
away from here.
NOG
And go where? Even if we get
away, we'll still be trapped four
hundred years in the past.
ROM
Actually, I've been thinking. If
there's enough kemacite left,
there might be a way to get back
to our own time.
ODO
How?
ROM
If we find a sufficiently powerful
energy source, we should be able
to trigger a temporal surge in the
subspace continuum and recreate
the same kind of time warp that
brought us here in the first place.
ODO
What do you mean by a sufficiently
powerful energy source?
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - REV. 10/09/95 - ACT FOUR 43.
55 CONTINUED: (2)
But before Rom can answer, Quark jumps in.
QUARK
We're not going anywhere.
(off reactions)
We're staying right here.
ROM
But Brother, what about the bar?
QUARK
Who cares about the bar? I'm
telling you, Rom... we stay here
and inside a year, we'll be
running this place.
ROM
You mean the military base?
QUARK
I mean the whole planet.
Odo harumphs.
QUARK
Harumph all you want. But these
humans, they're not like the ones
from the Federation. They're
crude, gullible and greedy.
ODO
You mean, like you.
QUARK
These are humans I can
understand... and manipulate.
NOG
But Uncle, what about the
timeline?
QUARK
Forget this timeline. The one
we're going to create will be
better. Once we've got things in
order here, we'll contact the
Ferengi homeworld, and sell them
our ship. The Ferengi will have
warp drive technology centuries
before humans or Klingons or even
the Vulcans. We'll establish an
economic empire beyond even Grand
Nagus Zek's wildest dreams. And
I'll control it all.
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - REV. 09/20/95 - ACT FOUR 44.
55 CONTINUED: (3)
There's a beat, and then...
ODO
You do have a vivid imagination.
But the only place we're going is
back to our own time.
(to Rom)
I'll have the ship ready to go in
six hours.
(to Quark)
And you're all going to be on it.
QUARK
I'm not going back, and neither is
my ship.
ODO
We'll see about that.
And with that...
56 NEW ANGLE (OPTICAL)
Odo MORPHS back into the dog.
57 EXT. ARMY/AIR CORPS BASE - NIGHT
A nervous Captain Wainwright is pacing outside the
examination building, smoking a cigarette. A jeep
pulls up, with General Denning and his driver. When
Wainwright sees him, he stop pacing and puts out his
cigarette.
CAPTAIN WAINWRIGHT
What's the word, General?
GENERAL DENNING
That little piano-playing
Democrat's not as dumb as he
looks. He's not about to make a
deal with these aliens until we
learn more about them.
CAPTAIN WAINWRIGHT
And how does the president propose
we do that?
GENERAL DENNING
He said he'd leave that in our
capable hands.
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - REV. 09/20/95 - ACT FOUR 44A.
57 CONTINUED:
CAPTAIN WAINWRIGHT
Don't worry, General. I'll find
out what those Martians are up to.
GENERAL DENNING
See that you do.
Captain Wainwright nods, pleased to be of service.
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - REV. 09/25/95 - ACT FOUR 45.
58 INT. EXAMINING ROOM
Quark paces back and forth, trying to convince Rom and
Nog his plan is sound.
QUARK
I'm telling you, this is the
opportunity of a lifetime.
ROM
I don't know, Brother. It seems
awfully risky to me.
QUARK
"The riskier the road, the greater
the profit."
ROM
What about Rule of Acquisition two
hundred and three? "New customers
are like razor-toothed gree-worms.
They can be succulent, but
sometimes they bite back."
QUARK
If there's any biting to be done,
we're the one's who're going to do
it.
Suddenly, almost as if to prove Quark wrong, the door
bursts in, and four M.P.s charge inside. Before Quark
or the others can react, the M.P.s throw burlap sacks
over their heads and point guns at them.
59 INT. INTERROGATION ROOM
The bag is pulled off Quark's head. He finds himself
strapped to a chair in a dark room, with a single
glaring light shining in his eyes. Rom and Nog are
also tied down, with the bags still over their heads.
QUARK
This is an outrage. I demand to
see General Denning. If I don't
get satisfaction, I'm taking my
business to the Russians.
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - REV. 09120195 - ACT FOUR 46.
60 NEW ANGLE
To include a pair of M.P.s, Professor Carlson, Nurse
Garland, who is preparing some kind of injection, and
Captain Wainwright, looking a little smug.
Wainwright approaches Quark.
CAPTAIN WAINWRIGHT
The Russians. That's a good place
to start. Why don't you tell me
everything you know about the
Russians?
He nods to Nurse Garland, who reluctantly approaches
Quark with the dripping hypodermic needle. And as
Quark realizes he's in deep trouble...
FADE OUT.
END OF ACT FOUR
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - REV. 09/20/95 - ACT FIVE 47.
ACT FIVE
FADE IN:
61 INT. INTERROGATION ROOM
Close on Quark, who's screaming as he gets injected
with a hypodermic needle.
QUARK
Would you please stop doing that?
Wainwright looks to Nurse Garland, who doesn't even
want to be here.
NURSE GARLAND
(getting tired of this)
That's the fifth injection of
sodium pentathol I've given him.
It's not working.
PROFESSOR CARLSON
Their biochemistry is obviously
nothing like ours.
QUARK
Then stop sticking me with those
needles.
NURSE GARLAND
Captain, this is wrong. These
people are our guests.
CAPTAIN WAINWRIGHT
People? They're not people,
they're things. Invaders from
another world. And it's up to us
to put an end to whatever they're
planning.
62 NEW ANGLE
To include Rom and Nog strapped to their chairs, the
bags off their heads. They both look like they'd
rather be someplace else. Other than a large U.S. map
on one wall and the hanging light, the room is
frighteningly stark.
CAPTAIN WAINWRIGHT
(to Quark)
Now if you don't tell me what I
want to know, needles are going to
be the least of your worries.
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - REV. 09/20/95 - ACT FIVE 47A.
62 CONTINUED:
CAPTAIN WAINWRIGHT (Cont'd)
(to Professor Carlson)
You know, Doc... I always wanted
to see what a Martian looked
like... from the inside.
Wainwright reaches over and picks up a scalpel. This
gesture is meant to threaten the Ferengi. It works.
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - REV. 10/09/95 - ACT FIVE 48.
62 CONTINUED: (2)
NOG
Don't you people have laws against
this kind of thing?
CAPTAIN WAINWRIGHT
Not when it comes to National
Security.
(to the Doctor)
Which one should we start with...
(re: Quark)
The loud one?
(re: Nog)
The little one?
(wanders over to Rom)
Or the quiet one?
Rom tries to melt back into the chair.
CAPTAIN WAINWRIGHT
Now, why don't you tell us why
you're really here?
ROM
(spilling his guts)
It was an accident... we're from
the future... the warp core was
sabotaged... it's all Cousin
Gaila's fault. I want to go
home... I want my Moogie.
CAPTAIN WAINWRIGHT
(interested)
Moogie?
Nog sees that Rom's answers won't satisfy Wainwright.
NOG
You want the truth... I'll tell
you the truth. We're advance
scouts for the Ferengi invasion
fleet.
This is what Wainwright has always suspected.
CAPTAIN WAINWRIGHT
(to Carlson)
I knew it.
Carlson and Garland exchange looks of surprise and
skepticism.
QUARK
Nog, what are you talking about?
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - REV. 09/25/95 - ACT FIVE 49.
62 CONTINUED: (3)
NOG
(to Wainwright)
We've been studying you puny
Earthlings for centuries and
you're ripe for conquest.
QUARK
(to Wainwright)
It's not true.
ROM
(a cry of despair)
Moogie.
NOG
(to Quark)
It's no use, Supreme Commander.
They've seen through our cover.
But knowing our plans won't do
them any good.
(to Wainwright)
Even now three hundred Marauder-
class attack cruisers are orbiting
your planet... preparing to
attack.
ROM
(in severe psychological
distress)
Moogie.
QUARK
(to Wainwright)
I'm telling you, this is crazy.
(to Nog)
Nog, tell him the truth.
(to Carlson)
We're helpless. We're harmless.
We just want to sell you things.
PROFESSOR CARLSON
(to Wainwright)
Captain... I'm not sure I believe
this invasion story.
CAPTAIN WAINWRIGHT
You scientists... You're like
children... Always walking around
with your heads in the clouds.
(to Nog)
Keep talking.
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - REV. 10/09/95 - ACT FIVE 50.
62 CONTINUED: (4)
NOG
When the appointed hour arrives,
the Marauders will deactivate
their cloaking devices and begin
transporting Klingon shock troops
directly to the landing zone.
CAPTAIN WAINWRIGHT
Landing zone? Where? Tell me.
NOG
Why not? Your feeble weapons will
be useless against us. We will
kill all the males, and take your
females to mate with.
CAPTAIN WAINWRIGHT
(urgent)
Where's the landing zone?
NOG
Untie me and I'll show you on that
map.
CAPTAIN WAINWRIGHT
(to one of the M.P.s)
You heard him.
(to the other M.P.)
Go get General Denning. Tell him
he was right about the Martians
all along.
(to Nog)
Now show me.
As the First M.P. goes to untie Nog, the Second M.P.
nods and EXITS. Wainwright takes out his .45 and
covers Nog.
63 CLOSE ON NOG
As the M.P. releases him and he walks over to the map.
NOG
The first landing parties will arrive here.
He points to the map, but he's a few feet away and with
the scale of the map, he could be pointing to anything
between Pittsburgh and Denver.
CAPTAIN WAINWRIGHT
Where?
NOG
Here. Right by that blue blob.
Wainwright moves closer to get a better look.
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - REV. 09/26/95 - ACT FIVE 51.
63 CONTINUED:
CAPTAIN WAINWRIGHT
You mean your people are going to
invade... Cleveland?
Nog moves closer to the map so that he's standing
slightly in front of Wainwright.
NOG
No, not Cleveland. Here.
And with that, Nog suddenly drives his elbow back into
Wainwright's gut, pivots and decks him. Wainwright
drops his pistol to the ground. Nog dives for the gun,
but just before he reaches it, the remaining M.P.
chambers his .45 and aims it right at Nog.
NURSE GARLAND
Don't hurt him.
Nog looks from the gun, to the M.P., to Wainwright.
NOG
It was an accident. I tripped...
I didn't mean to do it.
Nurse Garland look imploringly at Jeff.
CAPTAIN WAINWRIGHT
(gasping for breath)
Shoot him.
But before the M.P. can pull the trigger...
64 NEW ANGLE
Carlson impulsively slugs the M.P. and Nurse Garland
slams Captain Wainwright over the head with a metal
hospital tray. Both the M.P. and Wainwright slump into
unconsciousness.
NOG
Thank you.
QUARK
We're all very grateful, but
couldn't you have done that an
hour ago?
PROFESSOR CARLSON
We've got to get you out of here.
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - REV. 10/09/95 - ACT FIVE 52.
64 CONTINUED:
Professor Carlson and Nurse Garland help untie Quark
and Rom.
ROM
Won't you get in trouble for this?
QUARK
Why should they? We forced them
to help us... by using our...
Quark searches for a plausible explanation.
NURSE GARLAND
Your insidious mind control
powers.
QUARK
That's not bad.
NOG
(to Carlson)
For a primitive female, she's
pretty smart.
PROFESSOR CARLSON
Come on... Your ship's in Hangar
Eighteen.
They all EXIT.
65 EXT. ARMY/AIR CORPS BASE - NIGHT
Garland runs out.
NURSE GARLAND
(to the M.P.s)
Captain Wainwright wants to see
you in exam room three.
The M.P.s go inside, and the Ferengis and their
rescuers head for a jeep.
GENERAL DENNING (O.S.)
Hold it right there.
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - 09/19/95 - ACT FIVE 53.
66 NEW ANGLE
To reveal General Denning, flanked by two more M.P.s
with guns drawn.
Thinking fast, Quark sticks his finger up against Nurse
Garland's head.
QUARK
Stay back, or I'll... disintegrate
this hostage.
GENERAL DENNING
With your finger?
QUARK
With my death ray.
GENERAL DENNING
Looks a lot like a finger to me.
Suddenly...
67 A NEARBY JEEP (OPTICAL)
MORPHS into Odo, who knocks out Denning and the two
M.Ps.
ODO
(to Quark)
Can we please leave now?
PROFESSOR CARLSON
(to Quark)
Who's he?
QUARK
(re: Odo)
My hero.
CUT TO:
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - REV. 09/25/95 - ACT FIVE 54.
EXT. HANGAR - NIGHT
The jeep, carrying Odo, Quark, Nog, Rom, Nurse Garland
and Professor Carlson pulls up to a Hangar which has a
large number "18" painted on it.
NOG
You're sure they're going to be
detonating an atomic bomb today?
NURSE GARLAND
That's what it said in the paper.
Five A.M. at the Proving Grounds
in Nevada. But I don't see how an
Atomic Bomb is going to help you
get home.
ROM
We need to harness the beta
radiation to trigger a cascade...
QUARK
(cuts him off)
Save your breath. It's much too
complicated for them to grasp.
PROFESSOR CARLSON
Five A.M. -- that's seven minutes
from now.
ROM
Don't worry. We'll get there.
QUARK
(to Nurse Garland and
Professor Carlson)
Thanks for your help. You may be
Humans, but you're okay with me.
NURSE GARLAND
You don't have to thank us. I
only hope that one day, mankind
will travel to the stars, and take
its place in a vast alliance of
planets.
ROM
(correcting her)
Federation of Planets.
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - REV. 09/25/95 - ACT FIVE 55.
68 CONTINUED:
NURSE GARLAND
Excuse me?
QUARK
(glaring at Rom)
Don't pay any attention to him.
He's an idiot. Trust me. The
galaxy is a pretty rough place.
You people are much better off
staying here on Earth.
ODO
(stern)
Let's go, Quark.
Everyone EXITS, leaving Nurse Garland and Professor
Carlson alone. Carlson goes to the jeep and opens the
door for Faith.
PROFESSOR CARLSON
(musing)
A vast alliance of planets.
(smiles)
You get the craziest ideas.
They get in the jeep and drive away.
Just then, there's a loud rumble, and...
69 NEW ANGLE (OPTICAL)
The Ferengi shuttle crashes out of the roof of Hangar
Eighteen and zips off into the night sky.
70 EXT. ARMY/AIR CORPS BASE - NIGHT
Wainwright is helping Denning to his feet as the
Ferengi shuttle rockets by over their heads.
CAPTAIN WAINWRIGHT
What do we do now, General?
Denning thinks about it for a second. He takes the
cigar out of his mouth and rolls it around in his
fingers.
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - REV- 09/25/95 - ACT FIVE 56.
70 CONTINUED:
GENERAL DENNING
About what, Captain?
(off reaction)
All we ever found was a crashed
weather balloon.
Denning jams the cigar back into his mouth and chomps
on it even harder.
71 INT. FERENGI SHUTTLE
Quark and Rom are in the pilot's seats. Odo and Nog
are standing behind them.
ODO
Now tell me again what happens
when we get there?
ROM
We fly straight into the atomic
explosion, expose the kemacite to
the beta radiation and engage the
warp engines. If we have enough
kemacite, we should be able to
create a reverse time warp and
ride it home.
NOG
My dad. Always thinking.
Odo and Quark exchange a look. Neither of them look
particularly confident in Rom's plan.
ODO
(to Quark)
If this doesn't work, I'm holding
you personally responsible.
QUARK
I don't remember inviting you on
this trip.
A com-panel beeps.
ROM
(off readouts)
There it is. Hold on.
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - REV. 09/25/95 - ACT FIVE 57.
71 CONTINUED:
And as Rom banks the ship...
CUT TO:
72 EXT. NEVADA DESERT (OPTICAL) - NIGHT
Close on the mushrooming cloud of a nuclear explosion.
Hold on it for a second, and then the Ferengi shuttle
zooms into screen and plunges into the cloud.
73 INT. FERENGI SHUTTLE (OPTICAL)
The Ferengi shuttle is undergoing some serious shaking
and stirring.
QUARK
I don't like this.
ODO
(concerned)
Rom, tell your brother it's
going to be all right.
ROM
It's going to be all right,
Brother.
(qualifying)
I hope.
Suddenly, the screen WHITES OUT.
74 EXT. SPACE (OPTICAL)
The Earth as seen from space. Suddenly the Ferengi
shuttle winks into existence and drifts across the
screen, with no engine power.
75 INT. FERENGI SHUTTLE
Odo, Quark, Rom and Nog regain consciousness.
NOG
Did we make it?
ROM
(trying to reassure himself)
This doesn't look like the Divine
Treasury.
QUARK
What year is it?
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - REV. 09/25/95 - ACT FIVE 58.
75 CONTINUED:
ROM
Good question.
ODO
What's that flashing indicator?
Rom takes a beat to figure out what it is.
ROM
(excited)
We're being hailed.
QUARK
(to Rom)
Answer them, answer them.
Rom activates the speaker for the communications
system.
HUMAN VOICE
This is Earth Orbital Control to
the unidentified Ferengi vessel,
do you need assistance?
NOG
Yes. Definitely.
HUMAN VOICE
We'll send a ship to tractor you
to a docking facility.
ROM
We'll be waiting.
Odo, Quark, Rom and Nog relax as they realize they've
made it home in one piece.
ROM
Well son, it looks like you're
going to get to Starfleet Academy
after all.
QUARK
Just remember, under that placid
Federation veneer, humans are
still a bunch of violent savages.
NOG
Maybe. But I like 'em.
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - REV. 09/22/95 - ACT FIVE 59.
75 CONTINUED: (3)
And as Quark shakes his head and Rom beams...
76 EXT. SPACE - DEEP SPACE NINE (OPTICAL) (STOCK)
Re-establishing.
77 INT. DOCKING RING CORRIDOR
Quark, Rom and Odo return to the station.
ROM
Ah, it's good to be home.
(to Quark)
I bet you can't wait to see the
bar again.
QUARK
(dismissive)
The bar. I could've ruled the
galaxy. And now... I've got
nothing. I don't even have my
ship anymore.
ROM
Look on the bright side,
Brother... You may've had to sell
your shuttle for salvage, but at
least you got enough to pay for
our passage home.
QUARK
Wait 'til I get my hands on Cousin
Gaila.
Odo takes Quark's arm and begins marching him off.
ODO
You're going to have to wait
longer than you think. Let's go.
QUARK
What are you doing?
ODO
I'm taking you to a holding cell.
Kemacite smuggling is a serious
offense.
QUARK
But you have no evidence. We used
all the rest of the kemacite to
get ourselves back to the twenty-
fourth century.
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - REV. 09/20/95 - ACT FIVE 60.
77 CONTINUED:
ODO
Tell it to the Arbiter.
And as Odo hauls Quark off...
QUARK
I'm innocent I tell you... This is
all a misunderstanding... Rom, get
me a lawyer...
ROM
I'll contact Cousin Gaila. I'm
sure he'll know a good one.
And as Odo pulls Quark out the door...
QUARK
(as he disappears)
Rom, you idiot.
Rom looks concerned for a beat, knowing he's done
something wrong, then figures he's done so many right
things lately, it doesn't really matter.
ROM
See you in a few weeks, brother.
Rom smiles to himself, and we...
FADE OUT.
END OF ACT FIVE
THE END