June: How A Man Trains To Jump Extinction Faults Your Tomorrow

If man jumps extinction, is it tomorrow’s fault? Or will tomorrow pay the cost of an aborted Armageddon? Metaphysical questions aside, June’s mainstream releases focused more on clever sequel titles. We get straight number (2), sentence incorporation (Too), and adding +1 to the original numeric title (22). Franchises that give up on numbers opt 4 colons, as with Transformers: Age Of Extinction (Rotten Tomatoes – Metacritic).

“Imagine if instead of creating new music, a recording artist kept putting out the exact same album, just playing the songs a little louder each time. That’s what it feels like watching Transformers: Age of Extinction.” San Francisco ChroniclePeter Hartlaub

Marketing opportunity: Roll with it and give audiences earplugs before showings. They’re either clever or collectable.

“Who can really differentiate between these films anyway? In the end, they all devolve (evolve?) into clashing, clanging bots.” Christian Science Monitor Peter Rainer

Determining whether this franchise is shitty/crappy or rad/awesome depends on your proximity to puberty.

“The bi-culturalism actually is kind of fitting. Asia sends us their junk as toys. We repurpose that junk and send it back as movies. See? Recyling. Everybody wins. Except audiences.” Portland Oregonian Stephen Whitty

Cycle of recycling cycles

“Nearly three %$^&%!!# hours, and they’re brain-freezing.” New York Magazine (Vulture) David Edelstein

Cold make hard sentence properly?

“You get the feeling the guy who wrote Transformers: Age of Extinction used the entire script as a passive-aggressive running joke on his boss, director Michael Bay.” New York Post Kyle Smith

Given that Bay has stated he makes movies for 13-year-old boys, perhaps we can assume he never learned to Think Like A Man Too (Rotten Tomatoes – Metacritic).

“What happens in Vegas happens a lot in movies. Think Like a Man Too goes to the same casinos, strip clubs and pleasure pools with a fistful of jokers and an ace up its sleeve, the irrepressible Kevin Hart.” Tampa Bay Times Steve Persall

Vegas is uniquely capable of serving as cinematic landmark, sinful verb, and euphemism for unspeakable mistakes. It begins on a Vegas Vacation, when the Viva Las Vegas-attitude of What Happens In Vegas leads to fun, but stops short of a Honeymoon in Vegas, due to worries that Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas comes before Leaving Las Vegas praying it’s your Last Vegas.

Irrelevant counterpoint: Add a step left and forward and it’s dancing.

“Think Like a Man Too, the derivative, intermittently amusing follow-up to the surprise hit rom-com from 2012, is so frenetically paced and hysterically pitched that it makes almost no room for simple enjoyment.” Washington Post Ann Hornaday

Go on, take a shot

“This is the sort of film that only makes sense as a rental, with, perhaps, a couple of friends and a very generously mixed pitcher of margaritas.” Portland Oregonian Stephen Whitty

Add it to the list of #moviesyoushouldntwatchsober

“Think Like A Man was a memorably bad movie; the most eccentric thing about this sequel is its title.” The A.V. Club Ignatiy Vishnevetsky

“This is a sequel that has its own story to tell and that gets right down to it, and it expands on the ideas from the first film, but in a way that tells a thematically satisfying and complete story. In other words, this is how franchises are supposed to work.” HitFix Drew McWeeny

“22 Jump Street hits far more often than it misses, and even when it misses by a mile, the effort is so delightfully zany that it’s hard not to give Lord and Miller an “A” for effort.” Variety Scott Foundas

“B” for bad idea, “C” for see me after class, “D” for don’t bother, “F” for frankly, you fucked up.

“Bigger and better – 22 Jump Street joins the exclusive list of sequels that out-gun their originals. We’re already knocking at the door of no.23.” Total Film Jamie Graham

Most franchises keep going as long as they have star power, though a failed franchise isn’t necessarily because of The Fault In Our Stars (Rotten Tomatoes – Metacritic).

“The Fault in Our Stars may not show the true messiness of cancer, but it does grapple with death and the ability to survive great loss. Maybe that’s enough truth for one movie.” The Wrap Diane Garrett

Sounds better than a feel-bad movie about feeling good. Then again, who know’s what’s possible at the Edge Of Tomorrow (Rotten Tomatoes – Metacritic).

“The pleasure of Edge of Tomorrow is that it’s not an action movie first and foremost, but rather a cheeky little puzzle picture in expensive-looking blockbuster drag.” Variety Justin Chang

It’s sci-fi diva deja vu?

“It is basically deadly serious, and after some moderate knockaboutfun, settles into something pretty dull. Where’s the edge?” The Guardian Peter Bradshaw

In the title.

“Although the humor helps, the Groundhog Day-like repetition gets tedious; it makes you feel more like a hamster than a groundhog — or rather a hamster’s wheel, going round and round, over and over again.” The Hollywood Reporter Todd McCarthy

What’s the average hamster horsepower?

“Edge of Tomorrow may be the best video game movie ever made. Which is strange since it isn’t actually based on a video game.” Tampa Bay Times Steve Persall

The movie’s slogan is Live. Die. Repeat. In video games, that’s known as trial by death.

“I felt unable to decide between this movie is the most badass thing ever and OMG turn it off.” Salon.com Andrew O’Hehir