The
results showed that participants who had high expectations for happiness
at the beginning of their marriage – but poor relationship
skills – showed steep declines in marital satisfaction over
the first four years of marriage. Those with low expectations and
low skills didn’t show equivalent declines in satisfaction.

“Over the long term, it is important for marriage partners to have
accurate knowledge of their relationship’s strengths and weaknesses,”
McNulty said. “Satisfaction goes down when a spouse’s expectations
don’t fit with reality.”

The results run counter to the advice of other researchers and therapists
who believe couples should always have high expectations for their marriage.

“There’s been a lot of emphasis on the idea of positive
illusions in marriage,” McNulty said. “Sure, it may make you
happy in the short-run to think your spouse is better than he or she actually
is, but if the reality doesn’t match the image, eventually your
satisfaction is going to decline.”

McNulty conducted the study as part of his doctoral dissertation at
the University of Florida. His co-author was his dissertation advisor,
Benjamin Karney. Their study appears in the May issue of the Journal
of Personality and Social Psychology.

The research involved 82 couples who joined the study within a few months
of their first marriage. At the beginning of the project, the participants
were videotaped while talking about an issue of difficulty in their marriage.
The researchers viewed this tape and then rated couples’ problem-solving
skills.

The participating couples also completed questionnaires that examined
their levels of satisfaction with their marriage, their expectations for
future satisfaction, and expectations for the way their partners would
behave. They also completed a questionnaire aimed at assessing a second
relationship skill - whether the participants are likely to blame their
spouses for problems that could arise in their marriage.

Each of the spouses was re-tested at six-month intervals for four years
– for a total of eight tests to gauge marriage satisfaction. (Of
the 82 couples, 17 were divorced by the end of the study. All but five
were married long enough to be included in the analysis.)

The results showed that participants who had high expectations for happiness
at the beginning of their marriage – but poor relationship skills
– showed steep declines in marital satisfaction over the first four
years of marriage. Those with low expectations and low skills didn’t
show equivalent declines in satisfaction.

Importantly, McNulty’s study suggests that lowering expectations
will not benefit all couples. Couples in the study who did have good relationship
skills at the beginning of the relationship actually experienced steeper
declines in satisfaction when they had less positive expectations but
more stable satisfaction when they had more positive expectations.

“Many people would think couples with good relationship skills
but low expectations would be pleasantly surprised by the positive outcomes
that would come about because of their good relationship skills,”
he said. “But if they have low expectations, they may not put forth
the effort to work on their relationship. So their low expectations really
prevent them from taking advantage of their skills and achieving their
potential satisfaction.”

McNulty said the situation with married couples is comparable to that
of students. A student who is intelligent and has the skills to get “A”
grades – but doesn’t have high expectations of succeeding–
will not put forth the effort into studying and doing what is necessary
to achieve high grades. The same is true of married people who have good
relationship skills but don’t expect high levels of satisfaction
in marriage.

On the other hand, a student who does not have the skills to get “A”
grades - but still expects to get “A” grades in all of his
classes - may be just setting himself up for frustration and disappointment,
he said.
“Psychologically, they would be better off if they realized they
won’t get ‘As’ but still worked hard enough to get grades
of ‘B’ or ‘C,’” McNulty said. “In
the same way, couples who don’t have good relationship skills have
to be realistic about their marriage. That doesn’t mean they give
up – they just need to try harder to improve their relationship
skills and know to expect some bumps in the road.”

Couples who have poor relationship skills and low expectations obviously
aren’t in an ideal situation, McNulty said. Their levels of satisfaction
with their marriage are lower than average. “But they don’t
experience a big drop in their satisfaction over time. Thus, their situation
is preferable to those with poor skills and high expectations, who start
off with lower levels of satisfaction and then drop even further,”
he said.

McNulty is continuing this line of research at Ohio State. He has recruited
72 new couples whom he will follow over the next several years to further
probe the relationship between expectations and satisfaction.