Monday, December 21, 2009

Therapy

The topic today was trust and not past trust but future trust. What we must do avoid making the same mistakes and I'm writing this just for myself. Omega and I did become very complacent, and there's no other way to sugar coat it. If we hadn't allowed that to happen we wouldn't have gone down that road. I dunno, if we'd have avoided everything but maybe a lot of it. Who knows?

We must trust each other, and relearn it to some degree, as the weekend kinda proved that to us. Somethings I have to admit I'm too girly in my thought process, and other things he's just too damn male. The therapist was extraordinary in pointing those out (without any tears from me this time). We spoke honestly about the road ahead and the work still left to do. The therapist is comfortable with our progress and reminded us that we need to keep working. Trust is the hardest part for Omega to rebuild in me, and he knows it. He makes no promises to try but does promise me that I will see that he means what he says. The therapist actually stopped him there and asked him what happens when trust is restored? Omega is all about goals so the therapist wanted to know what is the goal for after that. Or is this a task that must be completed, and once completed pushed aside or filed away.

He gave the right answers saying the work is never done.

I left the session full of hope, but once I was back home doubt started creeping in. I guess that's why I'm writing this now. I need to trust we can both make this right...together.

How wonderful really that you are doing this therapy together. I once read a book about group family therapy and how one person comes in as the 'problem' but it is the dynamic of the family causing the problem. I'd encourage you to take down as many notes as you can after a session or else you'll forget and I guess you did that via this post - a great way of working through your thoughts and the discussion.

I confess I may have missed part of the story. I can't say I understand why he has lost trust in you. We've been married a long time and we have both made mistakes and there have been breaches of trust - a long time ago now. I think we share a commitment to each other that allows us to see that we are both flawed but our hearts are in the right place and we belong together.

"I remember well the day we wedI can see that picture in my headLove isn't just those words we saidIt's something that we doThere's no request too big or smallWe give ourselves, we give our allLove isn't someplace that we fallIt's something that we do"

This is a line from a favorite song of mine by Clint Black. I know how you relate to music and of course I know this not exactly you taste but it is the best I have. Trust is like this. Trust is not a destination you eventually reach it is a journey.

I haven't been around much lately because I'm dealing with my own situation, but in my opinion, process is everything, and goals are just there to allow the processes to work in our life. Process is everything. The goals don't matter.