Monday, August 11, 2008

I was at a party over the weekend, and a friend of mine mentioned that she will soon be starting her first job in New York City. It got me thinking about my first (and only) job in Manhattan. Specifically, my first DAY getting to the job.

In the Fall of ‘93, I landed a job for Bank Of America in New York City. BofA had 2 offices downtown, one in the Trade Center, and one on Wall Street. I was mostly going to be working out of the Wall Street office.

Now, I had gone to NYC plenty of times prior to taking this job, but my trips had always been on the order of taking the train to Penn station, and just walking around Midtown, or hailing one of the 3 million cabs outside Penn and being driven to wherever I needed to go.

Point being, I didn’t really know my way around the city too well. For my two interviews for this particular job, I was always worried about being late, so I always just took a cab right to the building.

After I got the job, I was so excited about the prospect of working on “Wall Street” that it never really occurred to me how I was going to actually find my office that first day. It sounds pretty stupid now (because it is), but I figured that if I took the E train (that exited out of the World Trade Center basement) and just looked around, I’d see a line of people heading for Wall Street, and I’d just follow them.

Anyway, much as you might suspect, I exited the Trade Center that day and watched in horror as about 50 thousand people ran by me in every single direction!

My first day on the job, and I was already lost.

I started to panic, and figured I’d ask someone to help me out.

A decently-dressed man was walking up the street towards me.

I walked up to him and started to ask him how I might get to Wall Street, when interrupted me, mumbling something under his breath.

I didn’t hear what he said, so I politely said, “Excuse me?”

To which the man replied, “I’m gonna stab you.”

I thought to myself “I did NOT just hear what I think I just heard. That CAN’T be right!”

Completely at a loss, I said again “Excuse me?”

The man glared at me and snarled “I’m gonna stab you right in the fucking heart!”

Now, I’m not sure what Miss Manners would say is the proper etiquette to employ under such a situation, but if her answer was that I should say “uuuuuuuhhh” a lot while thinking “This fucking loon is going to stab me right here on Broadway”, then I think I nailed it dead-on.

Anyway, the man stepped up to me, glaring into my eyes, then just as quickly, looked across to the other side of the street, and walked off.

I stood there, openmouthed, wondering what the holy Hell just happened.

Then my natural instincts finally kicked in.

Unfortunately, my natural instincts aren’t to be a man and go after the guy, but instead to be a wise-ass.

As the man was crossing the street away from me, I called out:

“Ok, should I just wait here for you then, or would you like me to come with you? I’m sorry, this is my first stabbing…. I don’t know the proper protocol here!”

The gods decided to give my smart mouth a pass that day, because the lunatic never looked back.

My mother always has said that my wise-mouth will one day get me killed, but if it didn’t happen in that cold October day of 1993, then I don’t think it ever will.

24 comments:

What the hell??? Must have been a decently dressed homeless person! I am very thankful that you were not stabbed in the heart that day because then i would never have the pleasure of reading your blog!!

Oh also, those videos...maybe one of them is of me dancing around in my underware....YEAH RIGHT!!!

I worked in the city for 21 years and I got plenty of stories....guys peeing in the street RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU, crazy people walking around with tons and tons of bags, yelling and screaming no one, then there's the guy wth the crazy hair that walks around with a radio around his neck, not a small radio - a boom box, I could go on and on. And, NO, I don't miss working in the city! LOL

Just reminded me of my first day at a job... In a second-hand bookshop with no lav, so had to use the public facilities. I locked the shop to go for a big poo, went into the cubicle, turned, locked the door then realised someone had smeared shit around the lock.

Bastards. I'll never forget the smell – that's how I aim to find them and exact my revenge...

Hmmm, my opinion is that he was walking home to get his really, big butcher knife and expected you to be there when he got back. I bet he was really pissed when you weren't and has been looking for you ever since.

went to MSG the other night for a concert. the train was packed going into the city so we had to stand & had to change at Jamaica.Penn Sta. was hot as hell, between the heat, the crowds, the pushing, and then running to catch a train home i wanted to kill myself. LOLi could never commute again! EVER!!!!!!!!!!