she can see it from 1990

Before repeatedly using his deal with Satan to cheat death, former Vice President and It’s A Wonderful Life villain Dick Cheney brought spawn into the world and it immediately began saying horrible things that are false and stupid.

Today, Liz Cheney appeared on ABC’s This Week to complain about President Obama not doing enough on national security and foreign policy, because apparently she’s unaware of that whole Osama-bin-Laden-totally-got-himself-shot-in-the-face-on-Obama’s-command thing. In doing so, she also revealed that she herself has no idea what the hell she’s talking about and also hasn’t played Risk in the last 20 years. Cheney claimed that Obama has “abandoned some of our key allies like Israel, Poland and Czechoslovakia.”

Being a complete moron is apparently Cheney’s forte. Back in July, she actually said that wolf murderer and newspaper expert Sarah Palin is “more qualified than Obama and Biden combined” to run the country. Sarah Palin isn’t qualified to run a dishwasher, let alone the country. Good one, Liz!

While Obama is out improving our relationships with Czechoslovakia, he should also work on improving relations with some of these nations, which he has let slide:

Prussia
The Soviet Union
French Indo-China
Atlantis
Narnia
The Banana Republic
Hyrule
Mordor
Get on that, Barry. The election is coming up.

Obama is truly the racist. If he wasn't so racist, why would he insist on being black all the time?

Geminisunmars

Only half the time.

horsedreamer_1

Plastic Surgery Disasters are no laughing matter!

Though, the album cover makes me giggle.

pepperpat

He let Jello Biafra's kids starve? What a dick.

miss_grundy

He also stole Zeus' lightening bolt? By the way, which Zeus do you prefer, Liam Neeson or Sean Bean????

WIDTAP

Although both are great, we always have the concern that Bean's Zeus wiil be killed off in the second act. So the choices are really Liam Neeson's Zeus or Anthony Hopkin's Odin. (In which case, Hopkins, obviously.)

PsycWench

Look what happened to Mesopotamia. Or however you spell it.

glasspusher

Irrigation without proper drainage…the undoing of the Mesopotemkin.

glasspusher

I call Ottoman Empire!

Doktor Zoom

As noted foreign affairs expert Dick Van Dyke noted, you do NOT want to tangle with the Ottomans.

Geminisunmars

You are an old, aren't you?

Toomush_Infer

Sure, he already had his own bed, next to Laura's….

finallyhappy

I remember that!

BarackMyWorld

That was his first foreign trip.

mavenmaven

Palin didn't do too well with Turkey, either.

BarackMyWorld

"Full of furniture."
-Eddie Izzard

glasspusher

Awesome.

PennyDreadful

I hear it's a nice place to put your feet up.

Barbara_

The only reason Dick Cheney is still alive is because hell doesn't want anything to do with him.

When he finally does expire, Liz will run for his old seat and get all the sympathy votes necessary to prevail. Then she, too, can bilk the USA out of a heart.

Negropolis

Please, when was the last time Cheney held an actual elected office besides riding a ticket? I think he realized long ago the only way he was getting back into politics was holding someone's meal ticket. It's going to be another generation before the Cheney name isn't toxic, even with mainstream Republicans.

Biff

We're talking Wyoming here. Of course they'd support the evil spawn of someone who lived in their state one time before most of them were born, because why not?

Zepster

He's alive because hell I full.

smokingood

What about that "Anglo-Saxon" one?

MaxNeanderthal

No mention of the Empire of the Great Khan- shome mishtake, shurely?

WIDTAP

No mistake, and don't call me Shurely.

Meathamper

Don't forget about the Kingdom of Phaic Tăn, the Republic of Molvanîa and the Democratic Free People’s United Republic of San Sombrèro.

Yeah, President Obama's doing a terrible job with Czechoslovakia. He also took his eye off that Saddam Hussein guy who perpetrated 9/11. Thankfully Dubya was able to step in and keep us safe after that, but it shows the inherent weakness in the Democratic style of foreign relations.

sewollef

And here was I thinking, "foreign relations" was having some rumpy-pumpy with a lady from another land. Where the only thing you understand is the universal phrase, "Oh god…oh god….Oh GOD, YES….YES!!!!"

And at least Meghan's sorta cute and just a somewhat clueless, sheltered princess.(and Barry DID beat her Daddykins head on). Liz Cheney's just a fucking stupid bitch.

rocktonsam

is that the country that is as easy to get in and out of, just like Wisconsin?

DahBoner

Wisconsin– The Official La-z-boy State

Negropolis

Michigan libel! La-Z-Boy is based in Monroe in Southeast Michigan. :D

writemeblue

she totally forgot Fillory. Lev Grossman would be sad.

Tundra Grifter

Leela:

"In doing so, she also revealed that she herself has no idea what the hell she’s talking about and also hasn’t played Risk in the last 20 years."

That's some funny shit right there!

[Maybe she plays the "Star Wars" version.]

zumpie

Tatoine and Hoth libel!!!

steamynachos

To be fair, Czechoslovakia is a lot more fun to say than "Czech Republic".

zumpie

Or even better, Bohemia, as my Great Granny (even then) anachronistically called

Veritas78

That was no anachronism—that was my Grandma, too! (She took pains to remind us that we definitely weren't Slovakian, but that the Moravians were okay — "good at business" was her phrase. Dunno what that was all about.)

zumpie

Hey, if your Grandma also insisted you were direct descendents of the Bohemian Crown (yes, my Granny really was fully convinced of this), then maybe we're cousins!

Has the entire Republican party gone completely Bat-shit crazy?After a year of debates with that brain trust of GOP super stars who proved Sarah Palin is not the weakest link.No wonder America is in such trouble,these idiots are running half the Big top.Clowns.I hate Clowns.

Isyaignert

Anyone in my life who votes for Rmoney/Rayn is OFF my Christmas card list. Fidiots!

docterry6973

And what about Moldova? Oh, wait…

horsedreamer_1

Transdniester is a hotspot.

WhatTheHeck

I don’t care what name she calles it, Czech women are haute

Negropolis

They are quite tall, aren't they?

chascates

If a V-chip will block violence from teevee screens would a Liz-chip fade her out as well?

MonkeyMotion

Liz — In the words of your much beloved ol' dad: "Go fuck yourself"

insidebeltway

She's just proving Santorium's point about not being smart.

Mondo_Cane

but we are still at war with Oceania, right? or is it Eurasia? –

AncienReggie

FTW.

Negropolis

If China keeps it up, it will have always been Eastasia.

mcrummett

I hope he gets on that Atlantis thing soon. We're going on vacation soon.

On the plus side of the GOP equation, Rick Santorum's relationship with the Holy Roman Empire is excellent!

mbobier

Ms. Cheney then led the cast and crew of This Week in a rousing chorus of "Hail, Freedonia."

BerkeleyBear

And even though thousands of Foreign Service Officers have drawn up plans to address its issues, the sovereign state of Erewhon seems constantly stuck in as casebook state of dysfunction.

BerkeleyBear

And he's done absolutely nothing for Dothraki relations. Although in fairness, after her dad offered her to Khal Drogo there really was nothing Obama could do to repair relations.

Serolf_Divad

Oh come now, let's not exaggerate… leave hyperbole to the Right, OK? Sarah Palin may be dumb, but she's definitely qualified to run a dishwasher… not my dishwasher, mind you.Mine's a fairly new model with buttons inside the door, and various programming options, and several different cycles to select from and such. I wouldn't want her anywhere near my dishwasher. But I'm sure there are plenty of older models out there, with mechanical push buttons and simple dial controls and such that she could no doubt master with a little guidance and practice.

Pithaughn

I doubt it. My neighbor who is smarter than her ( he did win a game of tic tac toe once ) put Dawn in his dishwasher. He was crying because his wife was going to punish him when she found out his mistake. Luckily I knew that regular old hand soap would magically kill the bubbles!

Oh relax, she'll just have one of her greasy haired kids do it while she trolls facebook.

lumpenprole

Are the Judeans going to bomb Persepolis or not?

anniegetyerfun

I heard that modern Persepolis is actually a giant parking lot in the middle of the desert. I mean, not that that is what you were talking about, but that's what I heard.

lumpenprole

I met a traveller from an antique land Who said: "a big ass parking lot stands in the desert…

LibrarianX

I love the smell of desperation in the morning.

LibrarianX

Stupid Obama – Tito wants his country back, also too.

Negropolis

Hey, you leave the Jackson Five out of this. Too soon!

LibrarianX

Clearly this is crazy food for their base, but how do they hope to win if the base is all they've got? Am I missing something?

HogeyeGrex

I'm not sure they want to win this time. My latest guess is that they want Obama to win, and then they'll fuck the economy completely and try to blame it all on the evil Democrats, paving the way for a Glorious Conservative Resurgence.

4). Profit!

BarackMyWorld

Where's the love for East Germany, Liz?

Angry_Marmot

Those East German judges are Liz's best chance to score higher than a 6.

Negropolis

Trust me, the Republicans love the idea of East Germany, even if they'll never admit it.

Barrelhse

Irkutsk and Kamchatka 4evr!

thebeatgoeson

That's the RISK I remember!

BoatOfVelociraptors

If only my little Diomede could stand tall enough to see it.

Biff

Can you see it from Alaska?

BarackMyWorld

She must be angling for ambassador to Disneyland in a Romney Administration, since she's obviously fucking Goofy.

Oh. Something is oozing through the modem… I…I….
Wait. No. Stay Back. I was just trying to…….
Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggggggggggggg……

izationalizer

What I want to know is, how does she know he's abandoning the country if she doesn't even know that the country doesn't exist?

annettaj

Poor Liz. She's so vile. That is all.

KotBR

Oh yeah? He also let Gotham become a No Man's Land, so, what 'bout that? Huh?

Come here a minute

And then I get stuck cleaning the Wheaties out of the cereal bowls because they weren't properly spaced. Fuck you, Sarah!

NYNYNYjr

OOh My– they are getting SO DIRTY!!

Conservatives are joining Democrats in complaining that Mitt Romney is running a campaign devoid of any ideas, and presents himself only as the "anti-Obama."

“Fischer told reporters at the Values Voter Summit in Washington, D.C. “It’s because he’s running such a lackluster campaign that has been so vague on ideas. What plan is he offering the American people?” … “The biggest mistake is they put a bag over Paul Ryan’s head,” … "they put a sock in Paul Ryan’s mouth…

“Take the bag off of Paul Ryan’s head,” he added.“If Barack Obama wins this election, the Republican Party as we know it is finished,” Fischer said. “It is dead, it is toast, you can stick a fork in it.”

—Naughty thoughts boil not very deep below the surface in this man. If Obama wins this election, the Republican party can just put the lotion in the basket and be a good girl.

Fukui-sanYesOta

It puts the tax cuts in the platform or else it gets the stimulus again.

Forget? You ask me to forget? A Firefly never forgets. Why, my ancestors would rise from their graves, and I'd only have to bury them again. Nothing doing. I'm going back and clean the crackers out of my bed; I'm expecting company.

rocktonsam

come on, who wouldn't hit that?

anniegetyerfun

With votes?

poorgradstudent

Even if she meant to say Slovakia or the Czech Republic there's no way her comment seems sane. Was she just naming off countries from the top of her head after Israel (which is always being failed, especially if you're not Republican or Mopey Joe)? Or did she really think it was 1992 for a minute? And even then, what would Poland have to do with it?

Once Obama can improve our diplomatic relations with the Minoans I'm planning to visit the country as I understand they have pretty, nude women jumping over bulls. Which is better than in this country where we have fully clothed ugly Republican women strewing bullshit.

Ever wonder why you never see Victoria Jackson and Liz Cheney in the same room?

bobbert

The Derpi Exclusion Principle?

Dashboard Buddha

Well, for one thing when Victoria is in a room, there's no room for anyone else.

azeyote

well to tell the truth she has never looked as good as she does in this pic. must have had a little work done. why else would she get any press, you would think she would lay low with her dad going to prison for fighting against batman and doing all those war crime things against gotham city

LibertyLover

Dragon LADY? That ain't no lady. Dragon or otherwise…

kittensdontlie

More naturally, Lizardbeth Cheney.

Angry_Marmot

Those in the international community who refuse to put red lines before Stygia don’t have a moral right to place a red light before Lemuria.

“Credit for this fog goes to that inner circle of Romney advisers who never liked the Ryan pick and have reasserted their will over a candidate who is naturally cautious,” conservative columnist Kimberley Strassel wrote in Friday’s Wall Street Journal. “In the la-la land where adviser Stuart Stevens presides, Mr. Romney wins by never saying a single thing, ever, that might rock a single boat, ever.”’

Stevens was a big, early advocate of a bland vice presidential candidate, privately talking up former Minnesota Gov. Tim Pawlenty and pushing the idea of an outsider, anti-Beltway ticket. But Stevens is hardly to blame for what many conservatives consider a campaign that is specifics-free and lame. That blame goes straight to the man running his own campaign: Romney himself, according to a number of people in and out of the campaign.

If we only had no government than maybe people would stop voting to continue its existence!

Negropolis

OT: Anyone hear about Bibi back to trolling the Aemrican election on television, today? And, comparing a possible strike by Iran to the OKC bombing? Are you fucking kidding me?! Can anyone else imagine the outrage is the leader of some other small nation came to our shores and was trying to influence our presidential election and then bringing up and comparing a hypothetical war to an actual attack on our soil?

Nettie-pot, why don't you hit the fucking road and go worry about your own nation's domestic issues. Maybe you could do something like concentrate on the fucking ridiculous rents in Tel Aviv or something. I don't know. What I do know is that you can fight your own goddamned war that you're so badly itching for, thank you very much. We had eight years of Dubya. We don't need another one. So, please take the schlock you're selling and stick it up your war-mongering, foreign election meddling ass.

Your friend,
– The Intelligent American Voter

duh_du

Good to see Dick Cheney is looking healthier again.

misanthrope

Gwafawk, I took one look at that picture and spit out my Doritos Locos Taco™.

RadioX

You know who else had a problem with Israel, Poland and Czechoslovakia?