In honor of the lovely and illustrious Moonrat and the Second Anniversary of Moonrat's Brilliant Blog, we hereby proffer tribute.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Contest 4 - The Killer Synopsis

Write a killer synopsis, one that Moonrat would move heaven and earth (aka, Robert the Publisher) to buy. It doesn't have to be for a book you've written or even intend to write.

Contest: Write a 150-word synopsis that Moonrat can't resist.

Deadline: 12 noon, ET, November 6th

Prize: An autographed Advance Reader Copy (ARC) of THE GHOSTS OF BELFAST, donated by Stuart (conduit) Neville. Fine print: Only partipants who HAVEN'T read Stuart's novel yet are eligible to win.Judge: Moonrat. Who else would it be?

31 comments:

A gin&tonic is the most popular alcoholic mixed drink in the world today, and an estimated 1 billion bottles of the spirit are consumed each year. As we enjoy the simple perfection of this refreshing beverage, we seldom pause to consider how it came into existence. The story of the development and popularization of gin, and its later blissful marriage with tonic water, is a rich and surprising one: from the unlikely experiments of pioneering German biochemist Franciscus Sylvius in the mid-1600s and the early success of his strong-flavoured liquor as a medicine against gallstones and gout, through the proliferation of gin-shops that plagued England in the 1700s, the essential contribution of gin as a protection against malaria for the colonialists of the 1800s, and the craze for "bath-tub" gin in 1920s America, we reach a better understanding of gin's present eminence as the sedative of choice for the stylish literati of Noughties New York.

Dear Moonrat,Imagine a world where the internet takes over the world. Now mix into this a hacker, one who wants to destry the internet as we know it. Now our hapless hero must save the world, a hero who doesn't wish to be a hero. Inside the pages of this book we will unravel the mystery of Moonrat, why hero statis scares her. How a meer Rat becomes involved in the world of hackers. If you'd like to read the rest of my manuscript I'm afraid my puter was hacked las night. It's gone. Thank you for your time, have a great morning.

History was made. A black man was elected President. The new President chose his cabinet and the loser’s name was conspicuous by its presence. And the questions began. Why did the loser choose an unqualified woman as his running mate? Why did he become someone he’s not during the course of the election when who he is won him the nomination? What backroom deals were made and when did they happen? Was history pre-ordained or was it orchestrated?

With the people’s discontent on the rise, a distraction had to be found. Time honored tradition said war was the answer. But war was not what the new President was looking for. And a sex scandal would mean his death at the hands of his very capable First Lady. His only option was full disclosure in the hope that the truths of the past would make the truth of today seem ridiculous by comparison.

In trying to save a bleeding woman's life, Wykham lost his own. Now infected with vampirism, he is sentenced to either drink blood or die--and Wykham isn't a killer.

His plans for suicide stumble, however, when an angel with a broken mind falls to earth. In her paranoia, the angel is enslaving humanity using her power to drown rational thought in religious ecstasy--but vampires are are immune, and they may be the only creatures on earth strong enough to fight an angel.

Struggling with violent cravings for blood, and racing against his own inevitable starvation, Wykham must rally vampires like himself--miserable monsters who are too human to do murder--to battle a tragic creature of light and the humans who can no longer comprehend what harm she does them.

When Earth's resources are on the line and the world's superpowers are struggling to balance the fine line of politics and world domination, can a lone man really make the difference in the world, or does he sit in front of his television and watch the events unfold in front of him? John Hammer would like to think that we can do both. Now, how is he going to keep his beer cold without a refrigerator?

I'm not sure this qualifies as a synopsis, but it's what I have from my query letter. However, I am willing to offer this up with sincere hopes of getting that autographed book. Yeah, buddy.

Allies who joined forces thirty years ago to defeat the demon armies are now poised to destroy each other, just as the demon lord and the sorceress planned when they kidnapped the king. Gentyl wants to get through two years in the military academy and apply to the cavalry. It's going to be a long two years in an academy that doesn't want women and especially not M'eiryn women, since the king's M'eiryn guard was blamed for the kidnapping. Hope of advancing fades, when she’s assigned to guard a senile-acting sorcerer with a penchant for irritating nobles, botching spells and playing with fireworks. She realizes he isn’t as senile as he acts after he recruits her to help him solve a string of murders and find the king, but each new clue only leads to another body.

Thirteen-year-old boys rarely go to hell. They rarely have to. But David Lowell does. One year after an accident killed David’s father and nearly killed David, his world begins to change.

David has had epilepsy as long as he can remember, and the accident left him with other damage: he can no longer read. He’s sent to a school for children with special needs, but nobody can help him. Another seizure brings new medication, and soon there’s a problem.

David is seeing shadows around certain people, and those people start to die. He can see a shadow around anyone who is due to die, a skill Death himself needs to find them. Death will chase David through Heaven and Hell, wanting to put him to work forever.

P.S. I really want this prize! I want to read your ARC so much, Stuart! And about the plot below...I'm completely serious.Be afraid. Be very afraid.

AMERICAN DAUGHTER: A FUTURE-FICTION POLITICAL NOVEL (with a nod to Curtis Sittenfeld and the Primary Colors "Anonymous" guy) by Andromeda

“All happy families are alike, Tolstoy wrote. But that isn’t true. My family was happy, and we weren’t like anybody else."

So begin the 2010 confessions of the bookwormish (and entirely fictionalized) 13-year-old Denali Palin, a Holden Caulfield for our times, who has to reconcile the mother she once knew with the leader poised to collaborate with an unimaginable invasion.

The story begins shortly before Alaska secedes from the Union, an event made possible by a very real historical loophole (related to 1958 statehood) and supported by the Alaska Independence Party, to which the real Todd Palin once belonged. Oil companies are also happy to collude.

Following her VP loss, Sarah Palin isn’t content to be a mere Governor or even Alaska President. When Russians plan an invasion of their formal colony – planning to add Canada’s newly thawed arctic shipping lanes as well -- Palin is only too happy to collaborate.

In this poignant coming-of-age novel, Denali must stake her own claims to independence.

Imagine sending your best friend 48emails and getting no response. When it happens to twenty-something Espi Sanchez, the girl freaks to the point of visiting her missing friend’s mother (a Joan Collins-esque figure who Espi usually avoids like she’s a grueling outdoor sport).

“I’m not concerned about Piper’s safety,” the mean mama explains. “She said she was going away to ‘center,’ whatever that means.”

Espi finds that believable, since Piper’s just broken her third wedding engagement. But still, Espi’s desperate to find Piper. And so is Piper’s jilted fiancé, Sean Popp.

Espi and Sean partner up to search Piper’s favorite Colorado yoga retreats. The search leads them to a night lost in the woods, days with a broken-down car and a near-drowning while white water rafting.

Espi and Sean never find Piper (she was busy eloping with a yoga guru), but they do find love…in each other’s hearts.

Jeesh... I want this prize but between lecturing for three hours today, finishing a grant proposal, and Nano-ing at 5 AM, I just can't get it up. I'm happy to bribe Conduit with bucks, though... though I'm sure my money soon will not matter :^)

Seven year old Savannah Lee has never been fond of kim chee, seaweed soup or Korean BBQ beef. Give her good old hot dogs and grilled cheese sandwiches, please. She hates going to Korean school because her teachers only speak to her in Korean, which she thinks is pretty silly, after all, why would she be going to Korean school if she could understand it already? Most of all, Savannah despises tae kwon do because she is a pacifist – except when her little brother touches her stuff. In fact, Savannah doesn’t like being reminded that she is Korean American. Plain old American is what she is, thank you very much. But when her best friend moves to Korea, Savannah may just realize that there is something in this heritage stuff that she can be proud of. And that adding Korean to American gives her the best of two very different worlds in the very best of ways.

Green Sweater, a D&G 319.99$, has everything a garment could whish for - A home at the top of a shelf, the perfect owner with good eating habits and small enough chest that doesn't stretch Green's yarn Occasionally Green is taken on nice trips about town - mostly by automobiles which spare Sweater from becoming a sweater. But life is about to change. Green enters a washing machine as a chic sophisticated garment and comes out with confused identity and shrunk personality. There were warning "dry cleaning only" but when ones ignores them and spins with a mischievous red tee shirt one must face the consequences. Spinning Wool is a 1000K words YA novel with a twist. I spent many years operating a washing machine that ended with small accidents. The reason I wrote it is because I had a bad day in the office. Thank you for your time.

When a sexy and overworked New York editor decides she's had enough, she takes matters into her own hands. She throws the slush pile out the twenty-story window, not realizing her diary is in there. Terrified that Michael Chabon will find it--because Murphy's Law has always been against her--she packs her bags and heads to Jamaica. It only takes a week before discovery of her diary (which is really a lifelong dedication to Michael Chabon) makes it to the radio waves. Will she have the courage to return to New York and face her destiny? Will Michael be waiting?

dang!! i have to pick one? hmm. my judging standpoint is a little hard. which ones would i want to buy in a bookstore? which can i fresee selling the most copies? which one is Robert the Publisher least likely to have some kind of random dislike for? which ones best fit the categories i actually publish in?

::weeps::

After much tearful deliberation, I select Froog, for three reasons:

1) his is the only nonfiction proposal, and i have to acquire at least four nonficiton titles for every fiction title each year; can you imagine how hard that is to do when most people submit novels?2) i like gin3) he forfeited his earlier prize, like a gentleman4) he would cry if he didn't get to read Stuart's book

That was 4 reasons, wasn't it. Never could count well.

Chris, yours gets a very honorable second mention. But there seems to be a plot hole--why is there no sushi?

Thanks, Moonie. I do feel it was a bit of a CHEAT to play on your known weaknesses so. Forgive me.

And thanks, Stuart. I'll be in touch. Looking forward to an extra Christmas present!

I feel under a certain pressure to actually try to write the damn book now. I think it would have rather good commercial potential - surely sexier than 'Cod', after all?? I just don't know how I'd fund my way through the 2 or 3 years of research it would take.