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Welcome to the series where you can share four of your links from your archives here on my blog to a new audience. Perhaps posts that you wrote at the beginning of your blogging experience that deserve another showcase. If you have book promotion posts then please contact me separately for other options. Details of how to get in touch with me at the end of the post.

Today Tina Frisco puts a different spin on rejection. It is rare for anyone to go through their lives without some form of this hurtful action from others. Tina however looks at this as an opportunity to grow and evolve as a person.

Rejection: the Ultimate Teacher by Tina Frisco

Image is courtesy of Lucie Stastkova

Rejection comes in many forms, from many places, and is very painful. What makes rejection so devastating? What causes us to react in a particular way? How can we use rejection to our advantage?

On a purely instinctual level, rejection threatens to extinguish our life force by depriving us of vital nourishment. No being can truly thrive without some measure of love and acceptance.

Rejection devastates when we attach our personal worth to someone or something outside of ourselves. Feeling worthy only when liked and accepted by those with whom we engage sets the stage for rejection.

When feeling disliked or ignored by another, it is wise to step back and view that person’s behavior as a mirror of our own subconscious mind. Often the things we do not like in ourselves are reflected back to us by others, giving us an opportunity to examine what prompts us to react and how we might change. This not only buffers the impact, but also opens the door to personal growth. Becoming the witness rather than the victim allows us to determine if our behavior rather than our essence is being rejected, or if the other person’s bias is in play, and/or if we simply are misreading all the cues.

Behavior learned throughout childhood is largely determined within the context of the example set by the adults in our lives. When we incarnate, we become blank slates to be imprinted upon by everyone and everything around us. We react to external stimuli positively or negatively, based on whether our basic needs are met or neglected. As we mature, we learn we have choices. Those choices include how we feel and whether we react to or act on those feelings.

The key to using rejection to our advantage lies in remaining objective. However, behaving as an unattached witness can be difficult when our impulse is either to strike or withdraw. If we recognize impulse as being instinctual – a reflex action rather than a thought process – then we are taking a first step toward understanding our feelings and turning rejection into a positive learning experience.

When observing animals in the wild, it becomes clear that instinct is, in part, a survival mechanism. Although we humans do not live in the wild, we find it impossible at times not to react. Generally speaking, however, our survival does not depend on ‘fight or flee.’ Most often we have the advantage of time and space within which to consider our options and teach ourselves to behave differently. We are capable of changing our behavior and, quite possibly, our feelings. With a little practice, we can move ourselves to the threshold of choice: act or react. Success in achieving this pivots on focusing our intention.

Change occurs in three stages: (1) we witness our behavior after we have reacted; (2) we take note while we are reacting; (3) we stop ourselves before we react. When we reach the final stage, our behavior reflects choice (act on) rather than reflex (react to). Since most change occurs over time, perseverance becomes vital to success. Yet once we are rooted in firm resolve, observing ourselves can be fascinating.

In order to use rejection to our advantage – in order to grow from what would otherwise be a devastating experience – it is imperative that we detach the measure of our self-worth from anything external and instead focus our attention inward. We start by witnessing, acknowledging, and owning our behavior; then we commit to changing the behavior and persist until we reach the level of choice; and finally, we consciously manifest the change.

Deciding not to change is also a valid choice. Either way, the key element lies in remaining objective and being our own best witness.

Emotions are raw and capable of consuming us. It is important to recognize what we feel and what we do as mutually exclusive. Feeling rejected is arguably an instinctual response, while wallowing in rejection is a choice that wastes precious time and vital energy.

The line between feeling and wallowing is of the utmost importance. It is on this line where we acknowledge, examine, and own all of who we are and how we behave. It is where we give voice to what we feel and allow that voice to be heard by our body, mind, and spirit. It is where we accept ourselves in totality and recognize self-acceptance as a vital element in the process of change. Without recognition, negative emotions infest our subconscious and compel us to wear a false face in the world, for we are controlled by that which we refuse to acknowledge.

Gratitude is equally as important as recognition and acknowledgement. Just as food sustains the body, raw emotions serve in sustaining our life force. Thanking them before letting go and moving on will put the subconscious at ease, discourage it from seeking a detrimental substitute, and encourage it to welcome and accept the changes we have worked so hard to achieve.

Even if we are unable to change our raw emotions, we can change how we act on them. Owning all of our behavior and accepting ourselves completely makes it easier to view another’s behavior toward us as a mirror of our own subconscious mind.

What we think, we become. Raw emotions can become a force for positive change. Rejection can be experienced as a welcomed teacher. Energy follows thought.

Tina Frisco is an author, singer-songwriter, RN, activist, and student of shamanism. Born in Pennsylvania USA, she attended nursing school in New York and lives in California. She began writing as a young child and received her first guitar at age 14, which launched her passion for music and songwriting. She has performed publicly in many different venues. Her publishing history includes book reviews; essays; articles in the field of medicine; her début novel, PLATEAU; her children’s book, GABBY AND THE QUADS; and her latest novel, VAMPYRIE.She enjoys writing, reading, music, dancing, arts and crafts, exploring nature, and frequently getting lost in working crossword puzzles.

FIRST I must say that I loved this gentle little book. I devoured it in a single evening, so entranced by the story that I didn’t want to stop to read the inspiring quotes from Lynn V. Andrew’s Power Deck that began each chapter. Once I reached the end of the book I had to go back for the quotes, skimming each following chapter a second time.

NOW I must say that I have struggled with how I could possibly write a review — I’ve never read another book quite like it.

Other reviewers here have given you as much as you need to become familiar with the book’s “environment” – if I can call it that, introducing you to a few of the characters – so I won’t repeat similar content. But they can’t convey the deeply spiritual, uplifting essence of the book that, to me, is what makes it remarkable. Plateau never pontificates, but rather seduces the reader to come to his or her own spiritual realizations as the story unfolds.

I suppose the most impactful thing I can say is that I was infused with a sense of well-being when I finally put down my Kindle and turned off the light. I was in such a calm and totally relaxed positive state of mind that I transitioned easily and almost immediately into a deep sleep – a rare experience in my life.

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About Smorgasbord - Variety is the Spice of Life.

My name is Sally Cronin and I am doing what I love.. Writing. Books, short stories, Haiku and blog posts. My previous jobs are only relevant in as much as they have gifted me with a wonderful filing cabinet of memories and experiences which are very useful when putting pen to paper. I move between non-fiction health books and posts and fairy stories, romance and humour. I love variety which is why I called my blog Smorgasbord Invitation and you will find a wide range of subjects. You can find the whole story here.
Find out more at https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/about-me/

I loved Tina’s article on rejection. In my early days as a writer I always submitted to the best first so at least I was rejected by the best! That was an excellent review, making me ant to grab that book asap.

To all three of you: Sally, Tina & Micki — I appreciate your kind thoughts about my review but I think you read my heart and not my words. I STILL wouldn’t know how to write a review that even adequately described my response to Plateau.
xx,
mgh

Ahhh, so inspiring to see our Tina back with her emotional wisdom. You have such a gift with expressing these inner wisdoms T. Rejection can indeed be a welcomed teacher, but as you write, it’s first how we accept that rejection, but understanding the source it comes from, and using our self awareness to help us digest it and learn how to respond to it. It’s a process for many of us but you offer an excellent guide here T. ❤ xx

I love Madeline’s review she has the nack of seeing right to the heart …A very thought-provoking post on emotion and correct that we must take ownership, much of this comes with advancing years and much would or could be different if we accepted ownership earlier in our lives but the other side of the coin is we learn from our mistakes and it makes us a better person…Life what a wonder it is….

Thank you, Carol – and your description of how heart-centered I found Plateau is right on, despite my stumbling attempts to put it into the words of an actual “review.”

For anyone who has not yet read it, don’t think “woo-woo” here. There IS a plot, character development, etc. — all of those elements we expect when we read fiction. Yet that is not what will stay with me as I think about this book for years to come.
xx,
mgh

You write so engagingly about rejection Tina. Rejection begins so young and continues throughout life. Learning to cope with it and move on and accept and love ourselves ( flaws and all) is so important. I have been a tai chi enthusiast for many years and we believe in taming the heart, that way rejection is not so impactful as we draw upon a calmness of spirit which quietens us. Great review for your book. Well done. 🙂

Thank you for your thoughtful comment, Marje. You’re right; learning to love ourselves is so important. Through its gentle approach, tai chi leads us to this by reducing stress and, as you say, taming the heart ❤

This is wonderful Tina. It is so true that life dishes crap out and how you deal with it is up to you. As you say, the first part of dealing with negativity is realising you have a choice to do something about it, not let it overwhelm you and to remain objective. People who argue it’s easier said than done should remember every new thing is hard at first but gets easier. It’s so very important there are people like you telling us we can turn around our negativity and vulnerability. In truth I don’t think many understand how much control is in our own hands.
PS Madelyn’s review of Plateau was magical. The last paragraph left such a warm glow in my heart… or rather the place the heart would occupy, if I had one!!!!
Stunning post all round!

Thank you, Paul. You’re right – making better choices does get easier with practice, and the power to do so is in our own hands. So glad you appreciated the magic in Madelyn’s review. Only someone with a heart would recognize it 🙂 ❤

Thank you Sally for sharing this post of Tina’s. Her wise words resonated deeply with my own experiences.. And rejection is a raw emotion to overcome. But Life teaches us in the most extraordinary ways, and when one can ‘Step back’ and review from a different perspective, we can learn another important lesson, that for me, was perhaps the one I came to master. And that was forgiveness..
Excellent writing from Tina.. Sending you both my love and Blessings
Sue 🙂 xx ❤

I imagine we’ve had to overcome similar ordeals throughout life, Sue, which is why we resonate so much with each other. Your aura emanates forgiveness, being the gentle soul that you are. Thank you for the lovely comment and for sharing a bit of yourself with us. Love and blessings ❤

Reblogged this on When Women Inspire and commented:
Rejection. It doesn’t have to be all negative! Truth. This post from author and blogger Tina Frisco has many valuable points. It is featured on Sally Cronin’s fabulous blog Smorgasbord – Variety is the Spice of Life.