Saturday, January 12, 2008

Me, "Well, yes, but you don't have to get all A's for me to be happy, you know. I was disappointed in some of your grades, but I am very pleased at how you are doing."

Brian, "It just seems like I work really hard at things and you don't appreciate them."

I pull him close. I decide he needs some praise and I tell him (again) how impressed I am that he has learned to play a simple tune on the trombone after just one week and proud that the band teacher asked him to join the high school band. "You know that there is another junior high kid who has been playing trombone all year, don't you?" I tell him that I did not know, and give him another squeeze. I tell him that I spoke to my mom on the phone today and how I had told her how well he was doing, about how he was maturing socially and making friends at school like I didn't think he had before. He was a really cool kid. I said, "You are my favorite 13-year-old in the whole world."

He giggled. Then he said, "It's hard growing up, because you want your parents' attention but then you don't want it at the same time."

"That is very self-aware. Most kids just get angry at their parents for not doing whatever they are doing. It is very insightful of you to realize that you want both things."

He hasn't really had years of therapy. He has been seeing a child psychiatrist for meds for a couple of years, and he has three times seen a counselor for only about 3 months each...the first time was in 2002, then in 2006 and 2007...

About Me

Daughter, sister, wife, mother, foster-parent blog writer, philosophy professor ... I am and have been many things. These days my identities as a teacher of bioethics and the daughter of a woman with Parkinson's and dementia lead me to agree with Peter Singer, "It's different when it's your mother."