Meet Your Lords and Masters: Seven Democrats Who Run Your World

“I’d rather entrust the government of the United States to the first 400 people listed in the Boston telephone directory than to the faculty of Harvard University.” — William F. Buckley

At this point, I would go Buckley one better: I’d rather entrust the government of the United States to the first 254 people we could pull out of a minimum security prison than the Democrats who are currently in Congress. In all fairness to the Democrats we have in charge now, that change probably wouldn’t make Congress any less corrupt (not much more corrupt either), but at least the criminals would be dumber, easier to catch, and less practiced at the slick con game that government in this country has become. On the other hand, God help any prison that had to hold the entire group of heavily connected sociopaths and swindlers that make up our Congress. Within a month of their arriving, the warden would be giving Nancy Pelosi daily backrubs, the guards would be replaced with SEIU thugs, and Barney Frank would be running a gay prostitution ring out of the prison back offices.

Of course, some people would argue that the decadent group of sub-morons, trust fund kids, and grifters who run the country are no worse than other people who’ve run things in the past. If by “people who’ve run things in the past” you’re including members of the Roman Senate during the time that Caligula appointed his horse to that august body, I’d agree with you.

However, let’s not get into debates about whether Obama is more competent than Caligula or whether Harry Reid is smarter than Caligula’s horse because that steers us away from the main issue: Do you trust the people in Congress with this much power?

There was a time in this country when the government of the United States followed the Constitution and had greatly limited powers. Today, the Constitution is largely ignored and our Congress can do almost anything it wants — and it does just that. Your Congress now essentially controls large parts of the automaking industry, banking industry, and it has put itself in charge of student loans. It has taken over health care. It takes tax dollars from your state and then tells you under what conditions it will allow your state to have its money back. It’s in charge of your retirement. It even picks the lightbulbs you’re allowed to have in your house.

Quite frankly, even if our government were made up of well-intentioned, self-made men with genius level IQs, they couldn’t handle that kind of responsibility. As has been proven time and time again throughout history, a nation is too complex to be properly governed in a centralized manner, from the top down. Yet, in our case, we don’t even have the “best of the best” running things. In many cases, we have the worst of the worst. As you read these 7 brief entries (It could just as easily have been 50) about the men and women we have in Congress today, ask yourself if you really trust them to be what they’ve become: nearly all-powerful overlords whose slimy tentacles reach into nearly every facet of your life and the lives of your children.

Robert Byrd: It’s bad enough that Robert Byrd is a former Exalted Cyclops of the KKK, but the earmark king of the Senate is also a 93 year old sick-bed senator who rarely makes it into work. Unquestionably, he’s too ill to pay attention to his job day-to-day, but you can count on his aides to wheel him in, beat the buzzards away from him with a stick and show him which lever to pull any time the Democrats need a key vote in the Senate. Whatever may be said of Robert Byrd, one thing is for sure: he doesn’t belong in the Senate anymore, if he ever did in the first place.

Congressman Barney Frank: In all of American history, there may not have been a more crooked, nasty tempered, utterly corrupt sexual deviant in office than Barney Frank. Frank once rather famously became a client of a gay prostitute, whom he hired as an aide and then moved into his apartment. From there, the prostitute ran a sex ring out of Frank’s own home. Of course, Barney Frank was shocked, shocked I tell you, to learn that was going on.

“I do not think we are facing any kind of a crisis. That is, in my view, the two government sponsored enterprises we are talking about here, Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, are not in a crisis. We have recently had an accounting problem with Freddie Mac that has led to people being dismissed, as appears to be appropriate. I do not think at this point there is a problem with a threat to the Treasury.”

Had those reforms gone through, it may have dramatically lessened the impact of the banking crisis our economy is still suffering from today. Moreover, guess who’s one of the people the Democrats put in charge of coming up with regulations to “fix” the crisis? That’s right. Barney Frank.

Alan Grayson: Grayson is the epitome of the bad guy in half the movies that are made in this country: He’s a creepy, loud-mouthed rich jerk who gets away with being such a jackass because he has so much money. Even though this fat cat Eddie Haskell clone is in a Republican district, he still has no blue chip challengers because he has so much cash to throw away on a race. That’s despite the fact that he regularly says things like, “The Republicans want you to die quickly if you get sick,” and, “Fox News and their Republican collaborators are the enemy of America.” Grayson is such a thin-skinned Judge Smails clone that he even tried to get the owner of a website who criticized him jailed for 5 years.

Maxine Waters: Bizarrely, Waters was actually a supporter of the post-Rodney King verdict Los Angeles riots. She applauded the looting, saying, “There were mothers who took this as an opportunity to take some milk, to take some bread, to take some shoes…. They are not crooks.” She also rather notoriously chanted, “No justice, no peace,” and favored the terms “rebellion” or “insurrection” instead of “riot” for the event. Waters is also a big fan of Fidel Castro’s dictatorial regime and she accused the CIA of selling crack in black neighborhoods. Her latest of many corruption scandals involves funneling stimulus money to her husband’s bank. As Ann Coulter once said of Maxine Waters, she is so stupid that she “couldn’t get a job that didn’t involve wearing a paper hat without affirmative action.”

Charles Rangel: Don’t like the way America’s tax code is shaping up? Well then, at least some of the blame goes to Charles Rangel because as the Chairman of the Ways and Means Committee, he had a lot to do with it. Of course, Rangel apparently didn’t like America’s tax code very much either — or at least that’s the conclusion that you might draw from the fact that he cheated on his taxes. Despite the fact that the stench of corruption emanating from Rangel’s office was so odious that even the New York Times has been calling for him to resign his chairmanship for years, Nancy Pelosi looked the other way until this March when a formal admonishment from the House Ethics Committee forced her hand. But, don’t worry too much about Rangel. I’m sure the man who personally earmarked 2 million dollars of your tax money for the Charles B. Rangel Center for Public Service at City College will find a way to land on his feet.

Pete Stark: After Charlie Rangel stepped down as head of the Ways and Means Committee, the next man in line for the chairmanship was Pete Stark. However, the Democrats had to pass over Stark because he had his own shady tax problems. Yes, that’s right; the two Democrats in Congress most responsible for tax policy both ran afoul of the tax laws.

Of course, Stark is also known for being an abrasive goon. Most notably, Stark once publicly told one of his own constituents, “I wouldn’t dignify you by peeing on your leg. It wouldn’t be worth wasting the urine.” Of course, maybe we should give him points for honesty since he just said what most of the Democrats in Congress actually think about the people they represent.