Last night Shia LaBeouf went on David Letterman, and Dave, to his credit, wasn’t Shia (sorry) about asking The Beef about his public feud with Alec Baldwin. You know, the one where Shia passed off an Esquire article (and a pretty lame one at that) as his own public apology. Shia tried to explain, but he was so obtuse and full-of-sh*t actorsy about it that the audience was openly mocking him before he’d even finished talking. It’s actually remarkable how quickly they turn on him. Here’s a partial transcript (more after the jump, with video):

SHIA: I’m pretty passionate and impulsive. And he’s passionate and impulsive too, and I think that makes for some fireworks.

DAVE: So… why did you get fired?

SHIA: Because me and Alec had tension as men. Not as artists, but as men. In a room, I think that became a hard thing to deal with. When you got tension as men, that’s tough till July. You know, it’s cool for increments, but I think to do that for a long period of time… is pretty tough.

“When you got tension as men, that’s tough till July.” Deep, bro. Is that another truism gleaned from the perfumed pages of the Megan-Fox-as-Aztec-sacrifice issue? Got any juicy bon mots about matching ties to cuff links?

Now, it’d be good internet business to just say “HERE’S SHIA LABEOUF ACTING DOUCHEY, LET’S POKE HIM WITH STICKS!” because that’s the kind of simple morality tale that plays here in the cat-o-sphere. And you know, it wouldn’t be totally wrong. But in the interests of fairness, it should be pointed out that there are some contextual reasons why Shia Labeouf might be trying to communicate in metrosexual slam poem that go beyond his personal preference.

A few years back, someone asked LaBeouf about Indiana Jones 4, a movie all sane people can agree was pretty shitty. He gave an incredibly diplomatic answer in which he basically admitted that it wasn’t the greatest, and tried to include himself in accepting blame for that. It wasn’t two hours before everyone was slamming him as an ingrate and Harrison Ford was calling him a f*cking idiot, and on and on. And all for stating the obvious. So yeah, he kind of talks like an asshole now, but let’s not forget that the system helped create this monster.

SHIA: I’m pretty passionate and impulsive. And he’s passionate and impulsive too, and I think that makes for some fireworks.

DAVE: So… why did you get fired?

SHIA: Because me and Alec had tension as men. Not as artists, but as men. In a room, I think that became a hard thing to deal with. When you got tension as men, that’s tough till July. You know, it’s cool for increments, but I think to do that for a long period of time… is pretty tough.

DAVE: Now can I suggest a couple scenarios? Alec went to the producers and said “I can’t take it another day, fire him.”

SHIA: I think that might’ve been what happened.

DAVE: Creative differences?

SHIA: I think that’s what you gotta say as sort of a business savvy answer for what actually happened.

DAVE: If I were to arrange a reunion with you and Alec Baldwin, would you be up for that?

SHIA: Well… I think that would be a tough one to pull off. But I’m all for it.

Here’s another video of it. At the 1:10 mark you have to wonder if he’s deliberately referencing the “NO NO NO NO” meme.

i don’t know how long his hand washing off Indiana Jones 4 can really buy him any sort of defense or credibility. it’s been years now and that was just one example of him doing something decent out of what has to be hundreds of examples at this point of him being a faux-pretentious moron.

That’s the second time “bon mot” has been included in a FilmDrunk post this week. Since it was simply used in quoting someone else’s work yesterday, I’m only issuing a warning this time, Mancini. But next time you get sent to Armond White Jail.

I’ll be honest and admit I spent this weekend watching reruns of The Nightmare Room with my little cousin and the episode with Shia was the best thing I’ve ever seen him in and at under 30mins it was blissfully short.

Also, holy shit, I missed this show during it’s initial run but every episode featured at least one child star. It was like the child star version of Tales from the Crypt.

Most of you are forum or comment post whores, you misinterpreted what was being said and how Letterman and the audience reacted. I agree the audience will laugh at almost anything, probably because you can just pick up tickets on the street. The audience wasn’t even laughing at him, they were chuckling lightly because of not understanding his body language when he looked at the crowd and delivered his response. You’re all buying into the misinterpretation of the articles spin on what happened, he or she is obviously not a fan of Shia’s. Don’t believe everything you read and leave it to someone else’ interpretation, he said nothing bad about Baldwin, he seemed truly sincere.