29 October 2012

wildness

rain against the window and blowing in from the north right now.
Here in NH we are due to have rain and wind, but nothing alarming.
But the news is very very scary, and
I'm holding hope for all of you for a safe few days, especially those out there in the more direct path, or those of you under the wide swath of collateral weather.

I remember when I was little, standing on some rocks while the remnants of a hurricane whipped up waves in Long Island Sound. That storm was just strong enough to create wild waves, and wild wind. I remember the taste of salt, and the strange warm push of air, and the feel of barnacled rock under my feet.

40 years later, I cannot imagine standing there...
even being this much bigger, and in some ways stronger
because now, in so many ways wiser
and in so many ways more aware of the bad things that could happen

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About this blog

I started this blog during struggles with infertility--struggles that resulted in countless IUIs, medications, procedures, 5 attempted IVF cycles, 2 pregnancies, one heartbreaking loss, and one miracle baby.

Parenthood left me feeling like I was not sure what to do here, with this amazing community. To talk about parenting felt boastful for those still and forever struggling. To not talk about it felt disingenuous. So here I am. I want to talk about my real life. Parenting. Midlife reassessment. Flailing. Finding myself. Mucking about.

So yes, I am a midlife parent of an amazing child.Yes, I battled infertility and will be forever changed by every single moment of that journey.I am imperfect and life is messy, but it is also so beautiful.

Among many other things, I hope to reconnect to myself through writing here. And I hope to connect with you too. Others out there, parenting maybe later in life. Maybe after struggling. Maybe struggling still. We can all use a safe place and a lot of compassion. That's what I am offering to you. I hope you'll stick around.

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All content copyrighted by me, please treat it with respect.

inside out

"The key is, starting from the inside out. Often you say, “I don’t know what to do.” True, you don’t know what to do. There are infinite possibilities. And a bunch of them haven’t worked for you. A lot of them have been tried, and they haven’t worked under what you think are the same conditions. And so, you sort of pace around, you don’t know what to do. Sometimes you don’t even know what you want to have. But you always, you always, if you will stop and think about it, you ALWAYS know how you want to feel."