Sunday, September 4, 2011

Writers' Platform Building Campaign First Challenge

Write a short story/flash fiction story in 200 words or less, excluding the title. It can be in any format, including a poem. Begin the story with the words, “The door swung open” These four words will be included in the word count.If you want to give yourself an added challenge (optional), use the same beginning words and end with the words: "the door swung shut." (also included in the word count)For those who want an even greater challenge, make your story 200 words EXACTLY!

(Oh, and because no one commented on it, yes, I did intentionally write this in 2nd person perspective

just to make it a little harder/different.)

The Girl You Like

The door swung open, and you see her, the girl you like. And you realize you’re staring, so you look away before she notices. It could be on a bus, at school, or in the park. The first time you see her, or the fiftieth. Something about her just catches your eye, the way she laughs, her hair skipping over her shoulder, or her hands fumbling with the knotted scarf around her neck. It’s never big. No flash of lightning. Just something small that you connect with. That makes you smile. But the girl you like looks past you, through you.

You’re so nervous when the girl you like is finally on your bed. She’s so perfect, so soft, but she’s crying and pushing and struggling against your hands, and all you want is for her to say your name. Say she loves you, but she can’t. You want to kiss her lips and hear her voice, but if you peel the tape from her mouth, she won’t say your name or say she loves you. She’ll scream.

There’ll be other times, other loves, but in this moment, it’s just the two of you. Together with the girl you like.

The mental shift I felt was absolutely priceless! I felt a "sixth sense" begin to creep up into my heart after starting the second paragraph, knowing that the waters I was treading were not of their seeming nature.That was a wonderful twist. As I got to the end, I had that feeling where something drastic was about to happen, immediately right before it actually happened! That was very good.

Yipes, good scary writing. Love it. It reminds me of The Collector by John Fowles, which I re-read this summer for a course I'm proposing. CREEP factor to the max. Geez, I'm a campaigner too, so now I have to come up with a short fiction.

...I've mentioned before I don't have a romantic cell in my body... things most people view as romantic, I generally see as creepy/stalker-ish. Which is why I don't bother reading paranormal/romance novels... while the main character is thinking, 'aw he loves me enough to show up everywhere I go', I'm thinking, 'RUN AWAY!'

...since I was the first poster, I hope I didn't influence the other Campaigners... since so many of the others also had a certain undertone of creepiness...

When I first read this I stopped in the middle. All those yous threw me off and it seemed like a lot of interior monologue when a scene could have been developed. But now I've actually read through it, and I enjoyed the surprise at the end. It promises at something more. Plus, I like a story told from someone who isn't the good guy.

Aww, so sweet, and then so creepy! It almost drew me into the head-space of a guy who'd do something like that - which is really disturbing, but still I have to think of it as the mark of good writing! Well done!

So hi, it's very nice to meet you, and I'm a fellow Canadian Campaigner! I'm looking forward to the Campaign trail.

I think this is one of my favorite entries so far. You wrote masterfully from a passionate and then obsessive point of view. I think I want to hug you as the writer because the character made me feel so disgusted, yet I wouldn't have wanted to spend the few minutes it took me to read that story with any other narrator!

Wow, I love it! This is the first time I've ever seen second-person narration used, and it worked wonders! You had me hooked from the first sentence, but not just with intrigue, with emotion - I smiled. I loved the first paragraph because I saw that girl.

...since I banged my entry out less than 1/2 hour after the challenge went up, I seriously wasn't expecting to get this far... I truly appreciate all the hard work everyone has put into planning and judging this contest, and I admit, I'm having a blast reading the other entries :)

Hey 1000th.monkey, I just wanted to stop by to congratulate you on being a Finalist in my First Campaigner Challenge! I was given a list of the top 12 entries, as judged by the legion of judges, and I've since decided your place (and thus your prize).

You've come in Seventh Place out of 384 entries, so here's some massive props to you! And not only that, you've also come Third in the People's Choice Awards - how awesome is that!!! You definitely deserved it, conveying such creepiness and imagery in such a short paragraph. I certainly didn't see the twist coming, and it just made my mouth drop open with how realistically you've conveyed his emotions.

Well done again, and make sure you pop by my blog to see what you've won ;)