Less than a month ago – straight out of the clear blue sky – you announced you were going to, “Go the way of Paul McCartney…”

I don’t think there’s another soul on Earth who would have instinctively, intuitively and instantly understood the shorthand of your meaning when you said that, but I immediately knew.

We picked up on the finer subtleties of each other’s nuances for 35 years in the way that couples do. I knew exactly what you meant. Darn it – we could’ve won a lot of money on a game show.

You went on to explain yourself anyway…

“I don’t want to spend anymore nights away from you.”

You were tired of traveling with your job. You loved your work, but half of the restaurants you supervised were in other cities and you were weary of spending too many lonely nights at The Holiday Inn Express saying good-night over the phone.

You said you’d been thinking about it and you just didn’t believe in it. Not anymore. Not for us anyway. “Life is too short,” you said.

We had often discussed the great love affair and devotion that former Beatle Paul McCartney had for his wife, Linda Eastman McCartney. Rumor has it that the couple only ever spent one night apart – when Paul was incarcerated prior to his Japan tour for drug possession charges.

We were intrigued by their rare devotion to one another. Exceptional among celebrities.

We also discussed on many occasions how prophetically ironic it was that Paul was so committed to her since he could never have known she was destined to die so tragically and unforeseeably young from breast cancer.

Not long after you made your proclamation, you arranged for the promotion of someone younger you trusted within the company to take over those restaurants that required travel, even if that meant sacrificing a little of your influence and power in the workplace.

I was surprised and yet not at all surprised. I know you were at a point in your career where you felt like you had earned the right and had nothing left to prove.

That was just a few weeks ago. We were so close to our “McCartneyPlan.” We could almost reach out and touch it. Gracie even gifted us with a Pauland Linda McCartney Coffee Table Book for Christmas, which will forever remind me of how our love story was so similar and parallel to theirs.

Back when you traveled, you’d often fuss at me when you arrived home to find I had turned the air conditioner setting on full-blast and then plugged in our heating pad and placed it on your side of the bed to pose as my PROXY YOU over there radiating pretendbodyheat to keep me warm.

But I was just so accustomed to you keeping me warm and secure at night.

Our kids always got entirely grossed–out when I told people in public that you and I slept curled up around each other like a litter of newborn kittens. They were particularly offended when we referred to ourselves as spooners…

Remember our first apartment? We couldn’t afford a bed AND a couch so we had a twin bed that we set up to look like a couch with throw pillows on it by day and then we slept on it at night. So basically, we slept together in a twin bed the first three years we were together.

My mom, who had the gift of prettying things up with language, called it a “StudioBed” And, didn’t we think that sounded so chic and sophisticated?

Most of our friends were surprised we never graduated to a King sized bed all those years we were married, but I remember it like it was yesterday when we finally moved up to a Queen.

I was kind’ve sad about it.

And I think we only finally relented to the ‘call of the Queen mattress’ because all our darn kids insisted upon sleeping with us. We were constantly waking up with a toddler’s toe jammed inside one of our nostrils.

Anyway… I really miss you curled up around me now. It’s truly unbearable at night. So I hope you don’t mind, but I’m running the air conditioner at full blast in February and I’m setting up my makeshift “Heating Pad Hubby” on your side of the bed.

He doesn’t snore.

He doesn’t get inadvertently tangled up in my hair.

He doesn’t reach out for me in his sleep for a snuggle.

I’m fairly resigned that he will never croon “Maybe I’m Amazed,” in my ear.

But, he does his bit to generate a little heat from your side of the bed which almost works to fool me in my sleep that maybe you are still there beside me…

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5 thoughts on ““No More Lonely Nights” (When Your Plans Don’t Quite Work Out The Way You Intended…)”

Leslie, I have been thinking about you and praying for you ever since I read your moving tribute to your husband. I am so so sad for you and so sorry for your soul shaking loss. Much sympathy for your children and grandchildren as well. I shared your story with my mom’s prayer group and we have all been praying for God’s grace to help you get through. May perpetual light shine upon Jimmy, and God grant him eternal rest.

Thank you. I can’t tell you how amazing the prayers have been. Please keep praying for us. We are truly experiencing “the peace that passes all understanding” as a result of the many Christians lifting us up through this unimaginable tragedy.

Oh Leslie … So beautiful … your relationship and how you write about it. I love hearing about your “studio bed” and how you were always “spooners” at night! That is so awesome. My husband and I have to separate before we can really get to sleep. Though I have often had a similar thought – if/when anything ever happens to him, I will get a giant stuffed animal to curl up with at night! Your “Paul McCartney Plan” is lovely and I’m so glad your husband stated his intention so clearly and was well on his way to implementing it. He was clearly so in love with you! I also love the photo you posted. I also have curly hair. My husband says he “married me for my hair” and is disappointed that age has made it straighter. So I finally made an appointment with a curly hair specialist who will trim each curl individually and create some layers for more fullness at the top. It is scary for me but your look is inspiring me! Hang in there, beautiful lady, and keep sharing your quirky ginger snaps! We are all the better for it!

Too bad WordPress does not allow people to edit their own comments as FB does. Please subtract the ill-advised word quirky and substitute soul-baring. And add … I think it helps all of us to share, just a bit, in the wrenching pain … sometimes life is so brutal.

Oh that is so sweet. One time a friend talked me into getting one of those expensive blow-outs that straightened my hair and jimmy was so upset. He adored curly hair and couldn’t imagine why anyone with curl would ever straighten it. He was giving me the confidence in our later years to “go big!” (Of course it helped that I had time to mess with it now that the kids were grown.)