A Modern Libertarian

I am the very model of a modern Libertarian,
A font of information that's politically contrarian,
I know the economics of abundance and prosperity,
And can quote from every pundit with the uttermost in verity.
I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters theoretical,
And understand the axioms of authors quite heretical,
With Friedman, Smith, Ayn Rand and Locke, with economics Keynesian,
I swing through all their theories like a circus act trapezian.

CHORUS

He swings through all their theories like a circus act trapezian. (repeat)

LIBERTARIAN

I'm very good at splitting hairs; in arguments quite logical,
And giving talks in manners that approach the pedagogical.
In short, on information that's politically contrarian,
I am the very model of a modern Libertarian.

CHORUS

In short, on information that's politically contrarian,
He is the very model of a modern Libertarian.

LIBERTARIAN

I know the mythic history of our lost opportunities,
Of Moots, of Things in Iceland and Utopian Communities,
On Yurok legal systems I can wax in ways quite passionate,
And point out modern relevance in ways that leave you graspin' it.
I laud the rights of ownership and individuality,
Of freedom in the market place and constitutionality,
Though if the latter is (in situation hypothetical),
Any part Statist, then I'll state I'm antithetical.

CHORUS

Though if the latter is (in situation hypothetical),
Any part Statist, then he'll state he's antithetical.

LIBERTARIAN

I can state the failures of our government's morality
And demonstrate the reasons with an eye toward their causality.
In short, on information that's politically contrarian,
I am the very model of a modern Libertarian.

CHORUS

In short, on information that's politically contrarian,
He is the very model of a modern Libertarian.

LIBERTARIAN

Now some may say I sound dogmatic like a priest hieratical,
And preach a jaundiced view of things that verges on fanatical,
That market-place solutions are an article of faith to me,
A viewpoint, they insist, bears no relation to reality,
That medieval Iceland with it's tiny population,
Does not a model make for a super-power nation.
Well if you insist on labels like an amateur taxonomist,
Then I'm the only true man who's a one-handed economist.

CHORUS

He is the only true man who's a one-handed economist. (repeat)

LIBERTARIAN

So what if my alternative to government iniquity,
Is supported solely by examples from antiquity,
But still, in information that's politically contrarian,
I am the very model of a modern Libertarian.

CHORUS

But still, in information that's politically contrarian,
He is the very model of a modern Libertarian.

***

Notes:

The economic writings of Milton Friedman, Adam Smith and John Locke have all
heavily influenced Libertarians. Ayn Rand's novels and philosophy of Objectivism
have made her something approaching a Libertarian saint. "Economics Keynesian"
(John Maynard Keynes) may not be Libertarian but they have the virtue of rhyming
(sort of) with "trapezian".

Moots were judicial assemblies of Anglo-Saxon freemen.

Things were the Scandinavian version of Moots. In Medieval Iceland, they
took place without relying on any sponsoring government structure; a thing,
so to speak, made much of in a book by David Friedman (son of Milton).

The Yuroks are a Northwest Pacific coast Indian tribe whose traditional
legal system is extensively described by Bruce L. Benson in an influential
article in the Journal of Libertarian Studies.

Statist describes a doctrine that gives a greater or lesser degree of
control over economic planning and policy to government. The USA is an example
of a statist nation.

President Harry S. Truman lamented the lack of a one-handed economist, i.e.:
one who could answer a question without adding "but on the other hand..."
I suspect Truman never met a Libertarian economist.

Copyright 2005 by
Hugh Kramer
( hkramer1@msn.com. ).
This document may be freely distributed for
non-commercial purposes if it is reproduced in its
textual entirety, with this notice intact.