6 Reasons Tom Brady’s Letter to Patriots Fans is Brilliantly Dumb

David Gonos 08:50 pm, January 27th, 2016

Your assumptions after reading this headline are absolutely true – I hate the New England Patriots. I’d love to cite some great reasons about their behind-the-scenes shenanigans, but really, it’s just hater-ade directed toward them because they are the champions we all want to knock off. It’s a painfully long dynasty run that all non-Pats fans are enduring, and we’re sick of it. I make no bones about the fact that it’s irrational and that I still completely respect them – along with their quarterback – but then that would mean I’m acting like an adult. And that’s no good.

So when Patriots QB Tom Brady wrote an open letter to Patriots fans Wednesday night, then posted it on his Facebook page for the world to see, I felt I needed to react … mostly out of jealousy, but still.

Below is a transcript which might be easier to read.

”Thank you to all of our fans for the incredible support you gave us this season. I’m proud to call New England my home and to have the privilege of playing for your team.

Our team fought hard all year, right down to the final play. I’m proud of the effort we all put in to prepare each game as if it were our last. We never quit nor lost sight of what we were playing for. It’s rare to have the honor of being on a team like that.

It takes a lot of hard work and commitment to get as far as we did. Our goal every season is to win the last game, but as I’ve learned, the road to the next one is paved by seasons like this one!

Thanks again, Yours truly, Tom”

6 Reasons Tom Brady’s Letter is Dumb

The points I make here are all completely valid (in my own mind) and should be taken with a thousand grains of salt – not just one! The Patriots and Brady lost to Denver this past Sunday, so they won’t be making their umpteenth trip to the Super Bowl (they would’ve won, too, ‘cuz the Giants weren’t in it). So Brady felt he needed to recognize his fans and mention how hard his team worked.

1. Does he know he could’ve just typed this?

Why are you posting a picture of words? Is it supposed to have that personal touch? Are we supposed to be impressed by the “Tom Brady” letterhead, as if those that should have your address already have it?

2. A guy that writes in ALL CAPS has something to hide.

And speaking as a fellow guy that writes in ALL CAPS, I’m hiding that I have very ugly cursive handwriting, and my non-caps handwriting is even worse.

3. He did this to save $9 million in postage.

If you love your fans like you say you do, TFB, then you’d send each of them a letter. Get to writing, and start saving some saliva for the envelopes!

4. Boy, his public relations assistant has pretty good handwriting!

How many takes did the kid have at this before TFB said, “That’ll do”?

5. He obviously doesn’t have the “privledge” of owning a dictionary.

He better not quit his day job. This guy would be a horrible blogger!

6. By signing “Tom,” he thinks he’s as cool as the MySpace guy.

Yeah.

OK, well, as you can see, this was a horrible attempt at making fun of a pretty great gesture done by a pretty great quarterback/person.

In all honesty, I hope my quarterback misspells “privilege,” too, because that hopefully means he does more practicing than he does writing.