Your -1th source for Halo satire.

Main Menu

THEORY: Gek Survived The Destruction Of Requiem

Gek ‘Lhar, Jul ‘Mdama’s lieutenant during the Second Battle of Requiem, died at the hands of the infinitely mature and professional Fireteam Majestic. It was moments before he would have plunged an energy sword through the muscular and exhausted chest of Spartan Gabriel Thorne. Alas, Gek would be noscoped by a Mountain Dew fueled Anthony Madsen, and his corpse would be raided and defiled by the belligerent Spartans.

However, despite his disgraceful death, we may not have seen the last of Gek ‘Lhar. That’s not because of Gek having magical badass abilities (which he does), but rather because of the ammunition that Madsen used to “kill” him.

As previously stated, Spartan Madsen was able to noscope Gek due to him being fueled by the euphorically Fedoric fury of Mountain Dew. Not only did Madsen drink 1337 gallons of Mountain Dew before heading to battle, but he also filled his sniper rifle with solidified Mountain Dew bullets. It’s because of the latter phrase, how he used Dewmmunition, that Gek may have both survived being noscoped, and escaped from Requiem itself. Madsen, essentially, directly injected horrendous amounts of Mountain Dew into Gek’s bloodstream when he shot him with Mountain Dew bullets; Dewmmunition is made from immensely compressed Mountain Dew particles, to the point in which one round holds the equivalent of five hundred Mountain Dew cans. That’s enough Mountain Dew to survive a noscope, and even withstand being burnt in a sun from eternity. Likewise, the Mountain Dew absorption would have given him superpowers, allowing him to escape the sun itself and be released into space.