God, this sucks!

So basically I had this huge crush on a straight guy who is 4y older..It took me almost 6years to finally get him off my mindSeriously when people say 'out of sight is out of mind' that is so not true!

I knew him from when I was 8y at our summerplace he was our neighbour, When we were older I always thought he was the most handsome guy I ever knew and honestly he still is..When I was 16 we were talking about stuff and suddenly he said he would never get turned on by a guy.. I said ofcourse you would, so one thing led to another he dared me and we started kissing and stuff..

But he was right he didn't get turned on and I did And that was also the day I started to have a crush!

We were always comfortable with eachother we would even watch a movie and fall asleep and sometimes I would either wake up half on top of him or his arms around me.. Apparantly he didn't mind..

He taught me alot of things like skateboarding, surfing, fishing and he brought me to places I've never been before and so on...I never understood why but he was so differend towards me, protective, caring, toughtful and knew how to have a great time...He wasn't like that with other people..

But when I was 18y I stopped going there because of some problems I had here thx to my dad

So from 18 - 23 (even thou I dated girls) I was still stuck with him in my mind, it really didn't wanna stop untill I decided to try dating guys, well that didn't last long but my crush was finally gone, I sometimes thought about him but it didn't effect me anymore..

8years has passed since last time I saw him, few months ago he visited my brother and they came by my house, he really looked even better than before but I wasn't crushing on him anymore.He is also married now and has a babygirl..

Now the problem is my brother called me yesterday telling me that this friend is coming to visit again I said ''Ah great, well be sure to drop by'' he then said "Actually I wanted to ask you if he could stay at your place for a couple of days, because my girlfriend will be staying here" I immidiatly said "Can't he stay at T.'s house, he lives closer + they know eachother too" he than said "He doesn't want to stay at T's house, he wants either to stay at your house or hotel and what's the big deal anyway? You are friends too, no?" there was a long silence and then I said "ok, I guesse he can stay here"

I'm really afraid for this, I don't want to start crushing on him again, this really sucks I mean he's married and got a child for crying out loud.. Last time I saw him he said some weird things aswell.. But maybe I'm now overthinking it..

What do you think? Should I cancel it?I feel like a real jerk if I had've said no.. He's coming from France..So nervous!!

If those thoughts enter then you need to acknowledge them and let them go. Do not dwell on them. You know they are not realistic so just let them go and move on from them. It is when you dwell on them that you are going to have a problem. Notice that I'm not asking you to push down your feelings. I think it is important to acknowledge them when they arise.

We were always comfortable with eachother we would even watch a movie and fall asleep and sometimes I would either wake up half on top of him or his arms around me.. Apparantly he didn't mind..

and

"He doesn't want to stay at T's house, he wants either to stay at your house or hotel..."

"Straight" guys (especially in their teens) do not feel comfortable laying arm-in-arm with a gay teen! GET REAL He's also insisting on staying at YOUR HOUSE (not T's) and the hotel was thrown in to divert suspicion.This leads me to believe he's got some unresolved, latent homosexuality issues he's not ready to face and may be just ripe for the picking now.

But since any sexual contact with him will lead you to untold angst as he flys off to France to his wife and kid...

@MickeyYou should not have put that image in my head! But I can't because I'm not out..

@dontknowwhyThe way I read your post:"There is nothing better then destroying a marriage.." And considering I had a terrible father it's the last thing I would wish upon for his daughter

@metta8How do you accept your feelings without dwelling on them? That is really difficult considering his personality and looks are 1 in a million..

I'm afraid that's where it will go wrong the moment I acknowledge the feelings..

@UndercoverManI never told him I was gayThat time when we kissed he puts my hand on his crotch and putted his hand on mine to see who'd get turned on.. Well he knew the results.. We laughed about it, but he never called me gay..

He did sometimes say "I can't figure you out" if I would ask why he'll say something like "I don't know you're differend from any guy I ever knew". Few months ago he said to me in front of my brother "I have always found you a special kid, it seems you haven't changed one bit".

Also my brother informed me that this wont be a 1time visit, he wants him to join our company! Not sure if he is going to accept it yet but it seems like life is toying with me................................

I wont lie somewhere deepdown I actually want him back in my life again as a friend.. We had before a LDFriendship where I only saw him in the summer and back then I lived almost 3000km away, now he lives 4h driving away.....I don't know what to think.. Honestly I'm already screwed cause he's not here yet and I'm already thinking of him this whole time..

Don't act on your thoughts and you'll be fine. I know it sucks but he's committed to someone else now and has a kid as well. Even if there were a possibility before, he's got a prior commitment and so it would be very uncool for you or him to break that commitment for a one night tryst.

That being said, if you can't "contain your feelings", just sit him down when he gets to your place and explain the situation to him like you explained it to us. If he's as good a friend as you say, he'll understand and create distance if you need it or be more aware about causing agony with casual touch and etc.

You should be able to retain your friendship through this. You just have to focus on what your actions would cause in his life and stop yourself from committing actions that would make his life worse. That shouldn't be a problem though since, as his friend, a high quality life is what you should want for him too.

He did sometimes say "I can't figure you out" if I would ask why he'll say something like "I don't know you're differend from any guy I ever knew". Few months ago he said to me in front of my brother "I have always found you a special kid, it seems you haven't changed one bit".

Also my brother informed me that this wont be a 1time visit, he wants him to join our company! Not sure if he is going to accept it yet but it seems like life is toying with me................................

I wont lie somewhere deepdown I actually want him back in my life again as a friend.. We had before a LDFriendship where I only saw him in the summer and back then I lived almost 3000km away, now he lives 4h driving away.....I don't know what to think.. Honestly I'm already screwed cause he's not here yet and I'm already thinking of him this whole time..

I think that you are reading way too much into what he has said. It sounds like he is just being friendly. If he meant what you thought it might mean, he would have said it privately and not in front of your brother. It sounds like you are already getting out of control. Make sure that you take care of your physical needs prior to seeing him.

metta8 saidTry to just approach it as a mature adult. If those thoughts enter then you need to acknowledge them and let them go. Do not dwell on them. You know they are not realistic so just let them go and move on from them. It is when you dwell on them that you are going to have a problem. Notice that I'm not asking you to push down your feelings. I think it is important to acknowledge them when they arise.

This. Just because your libido says one thing, doesn't mean you have to act on it. You're a mature adult with responsibilities as is he.