Although I'm not good enough a writer to actually be at stake as an author, I feel that I have to express what I feel are points about life, and which I can't (at least not easily enough)write with good quality. I apologize for that :-( ... and hope people can enjoy these stories anyway.

Thursday, April 20, 2017

Actual Appreciation ...

She looked at him. Scornfully she saw
that he didn't seem to fall for the charm she had intended for him.
But the scorn was intended for herself as well as for him; therefore
she didn't feel guilty at all for feeling it. But to her surprise, he
seemed to mind.

He looked at her spitted resolutely.
The spit landed on the ground on front of his feet, and was intended
to land there. She felt this proved that he wasn't too obnoxious to
be viewed as provocative only; i.e. he probably wouldn't try to be
dangerous to her if she didn't do anything to him. But she felt like
not talking to him. Because he still did seem to obnoxious to be
looking at as a friend - or even a potential one, because he didn't
seem to mind that the spit had landed right in front of him as if it
was intended to insult her about not being smart enough at charming
him.

He, on his part, was feeling that she
had been insulting him in the first place, not that he'd been looking
for a charming or whatever or so person in her. It seemed obnoxious
for him that she had seemed scornful against that she seemed lousy at
caring for his care to seem safe enough to assume as moral enough for
being into not caring very much if she charmed him or not. It seemed
even worse for him that she didn't seem to feel even one bit guilty
about it.

But she felt that he had no right to
have that opinion about her. She was a girl who was supposed to be
charming and cute so that those who appreciated that in a woman would
be able to see that in her. Therefore she laughed scornfully once
more, and saw in him a pending guy who didn't care to fancy her being
as worth his appreciation as scores of others could. She thereby felt
free from guilt and free from remorse about it. She felt that she had
all the appreciation she needed and that he was just a more or less
sillily frank and fairly weird guy. Thereby she appreciated her own
inconsistency about her notions of coherency as though they were of
honest and good moral. But he noticed this and developed a slow
growing hatred for her ways about it.

Even though he had run into some other
girls who had behave similarly, he didn't feel broken enough to ever
give up on the notion of honesty being something else than what these
kinds of girls could appreciate it as. It seemed to him that she
sorted out moral as if it was her own, from the different types of
facts and notions about life that she had to care about on her way
into adulthood. She seemed to him to be appreciative of the notion of
truth as something to be bargained for, not as something to view as
real notion of what is real. The fact that she and a few other young
women seemed totally sure of themselves about being seemingly moral
forever for being that kind of fake seemed scary for him. He even
felt shattered when she looked at him that way, looking as if she
felt totally innocent after first scorning not only him, but also
truth and what truth is about.

He thereby watched her and her friends
as they left with an awe about the way they appreciated themselves.
She, meanwhile, felt that she had just left behind a fellow who was
unusually corny and unappreciative of the sense she had of herself as
good enough for anyone to appreciate - not excluding the boys or
men she might want to be appreciated by. She thereby felt she needed
to talk to one her close friends about how to deal with this fellow.

The two of them talked later that night
and decided to seem to be subjects of his scorn for no reason. This,
she felt though, was not enough. They need to, she told her friend,
seem to be appreciative of even his notion of how he views himself.
They should have to, she felt, seemingly be into caring also for
those who were to be viewed as outsiders - at least from their own
point of view. Thereby, people would appreciate the two of them as
both cute and as caring as they are cute!

“I guess we can take that kind of
stands,” her friend agreed. “But I think we should also show them
that he is absolutely not an interesting guy for us! Because we
should not seem to be into those men who fancy us young girls to be
what they should be dealing with. Instead, they should view us as
better than that they could ever reach us - nor actually scorn us,
for that matter!”

“Okay! ... To start with, then we
could say to our parents that we've run into a guy who was
superficial enough not to admit that what we are is what he shouldn't
be minding as if there was any reason for him to care to tell us what
we are to be seen as. Because there seems to be a notion in him of
actually having it he is the one to be a fellow to appreciate.”

So they did.

Four months later, the two girls were
at a disco and one of them spotted what seemed to be that same
fellow. They noticed that the son of a friend of their parents was
with him. This made them curious.

Thereby they felt like watching them
now and again for the rest of the evening. Doing so they got he
impression of that the guy who was a friend of their families was
attempting to reveal the fellow as immature, and thereby shouldn't be
there. This they found to be worthwhile, as they also could
appreciate the notion of this guy being the same as the one they had
complained to their parents about. But then, to their disappointment,
they observed him say something to their friend-of-the-family guy,
who, seemingly a bit unsure of himself, withdrew for a while.

When he came back, he said something
back to the other one, which seemed to make him feel both indignant
and insulted. But he reacted by insulting him back, it seemed, and
soon the two of them were very hostile towards each other. After a
few minutes of quarreling the two of them decided, it seemed, to
continue it somewhere else. The two girls saw them leave the disco,
each of them, seemingly, bringing a friend with him.

They decided to follow the four of them
by stealth, which they did, and that lead them to a park, where a
fight broke out between the two whom they had been observing. It went
on for perhaps four minutes before the guy who's parents knew their
parents was injured severely enough to no longer stand a chance. When
that happened the two fellows who had followed along as friends
discussed something for a while.

After a few minutes the two of them
decided, or so it seemed, that the guy whom the girls had been
troubled by had won. They thereby both pointed at him with respect
and then the three of them left the girls' parents' friends' son
bleeding and despised. This the two girls found to be scary.

They waited for about five minutes,
then they also left, and began walking towards the house of one of
them. On their way there, the other one said: “Wow, he didn't seem
able even to reach his phone and call the cops or something! I wonder
if we should be telling your parents about how we could have but
didn't dare to be helping him - or else what else we should say!”

“Me too! I wonder what we are to be
about now as we don't have a notion of what is going to happen to
that fellow who after all helped us make that insultive guy seem like
a bad person!” She shivered. “Wonders how he will survive, and if
we've actually killed him by not staying there and saving his life!”

“I think we've better see to it that
our parents get there as quick as possible!” Neither she nor her
friend reflected much over calling an ambulance, because the two of
them knew that the four guys had been into something that was sort of
tradition not to tell the authorities about!

When they had finished their walk, they
entered the house of the one of them who had felt insulted in the
first place, As they spoke to their parents, they could not express
what they found themselves to seem to appreciate about the guys who
had been escorts and judges of the two fighters. They somehow felt
that they needed to express that, but that they couldn't, because it
was a secret notion of - so to speak - what went wrong in a man,
that the two of them were about. Instead, the conversation emerged in
describing the situation that the two of them had been stuck there,
and couldn't help the fellow, which was partly because of their
appreciation of those who had - by fair notions of what is correct
for such a fight - deemed the guy they could have helped as a
fellow to be left behind. Thereby, the two of them eventually decided
to never speak again to anyone about how to resurrect a man who has
lost a fight!

Two months later, the two parents (of
one of them) whom they had talked to said to them that they are to be
sweet and good for the sake of not seeming to be involved in that the
two guys fought, nor that they had been insulting each other. Instead
of explaining for them why this was important, they told the girls
not to even think about what had happened. And in case either of them
ever just happened to think about it anyway, she should say to
herself that it was just imagination!

Their daughter looked at them and
asked: “What shall I say to those who want to know why we had it in
us to seem satisfied by that we had been defended by a friend of the
family?”

Her father looked at her. “Is there
anything they could happen to say to you that wouldn't be seen as
that they make something of a notion that is just a fantasy?!”

She looked thoughtful for a while. “I
guess not,” she answered, “but I can't be quite sure about that.

Now her mother was the one to ask: “I
guess you can't have it they don't feel like being better at
understanding how to be - even potential - friends - of you or
anyone else around here, that that they might just continue feeling
that it's real, even when you say it isn't?!”

“No, I guess they shouldn't be too
stubborn for me to handle in a way that doesn't make me think about
that stuff as a reality!” she said, and then hid that notion deeply
inside of her.

Her mother looked at her and inquired:
“Are you sure you never will be too unreliable to stay away from
ever seeming to be into anything of what they could view as a real
kind of vanity?”

“No, I'm not totally sure about that,
mama!”

“Then I'll have to keep you away from
those people who might find out from you otherwise!”

“And who are they?”

“It's the people I've been talking to
down in the village. They aren't kids like you, and I don't think
there are any kids who will ever become that nosy!”

“So I have to stay away from adults
from now on?! Mom, I'm thirteen, and I'm soon into feeling like an
adult myself! So how can I avoid even seeing those people that I soon
will pertain to?!”

“It's not the young adults that you
shouldn't pertain to, just some of the older ones, and I'll tell you
eventually exactly which of the older ones that will be!”

“Oh! Good! Then I think I can
manage!”

“Good, then!” her mother said.

“Good!” her father also said.

“From now now on you will not seem to
be inept for excuses of the kind that are called for by those who
forge that they comprehend, the right way, what there is to a society
and what we all should appreciate from one another! That is you
should not be wrong for God to take as a defence for His absoluteness
about Jesus and what He stands for about us and our Christian cares!
From now on you will be good Christians, and pray every day before
you go to bed! Otherwise those things of the past might come and
haunt you!”

She looked at her father. “Okay, dad!
I'll become a good Christian from now on!” she said and realized
that she would have to stick to this decision for the rest of her
life.

Her friend, who had been silent for a
long time now asked: “How come there isn't any certainties about
what there is in the afterlife, so that one can feel very sure that
one isn't doing something that will turn out to be unfruitful?!”

“I suppose,” the father objected,
“you don't care to have it that Christ i sour saviour and that it
will be that way no matter what we think or might say about it!”

The mother looked at them and added:
“You must see to it that you'll be forever loyal with Christ, and
that He'll be there for you to give you the safety you need!”

The two girls looked at each other. “I
want to see to it that Christ will be there for all of us,” the one
who wasn't a daughter of the family answered. “But I also want to
see Him as the savior whom we all can trust, and I thereby want to be
sure that he will give us an afterlife that will be okay!”

“I can,” the mother answered, “see
it in you, to be able to take it that Jesus isn't the one to be
telling everybody, just the one to be caring for everyone! Remember
it is Satan who can otherwise be the ne to also talk to you as though
there was a safe assumption!” She looked at her daughters friend
and seemed to be sure of herself.

The girl swallowed. “Okay. I guess I
can go for it that way, then. So where do I begin trying to conceive
myself as a subject of Christ rather than the type of girl who never
would feel there was any safety in what isn't said!?”

The mother looked at her. “Don't
pretend that you don't need to believe in order to stay with Jesus!”

The two girls looked at each other
again. “Then how come I and your daughter don't have it in Jesus to
say to God that we need to be saved in a way so that we really can
appreciate ourselves as safely His?! It's we, isn't it, who will have
to appreciate God, and what if he doesn't have to appreciate us
back?!”

Both of her friend's parents looked a
bit startled over this query. She saw this and continued: Thereby
I'll be platonically smart at having Jesus there, and I'll have the
notion of myself as one with Him and God forever, but I won't be safe
enough against the devil unless there can be a sureness that he
cannot reach me even by taking my life!”

“It will be your decision to
understand God the way that you feel you should have to!” the
father said. “From now on you will have to speak to your own
parents about it! We have had enough of this now! It is in your
family, not ours, that there's a need to sort out what God wants from
you!” His wife seemed to agree with him.