I am who I am

I’m that type of person you wouldn’t go to for advice unless if you really wanted to hear it. I am bluntly honest, so much so that things I say will get an immediate, “SARAH!” to which I just shrug my shoulders, smile, and just say that you shouldn’t ask my opinion then. All of the girls never ask me about relationship advice when it comes to their exes. Why? Because I tell them the truth, dump their ass! Move on with your life and push past your old flame, because if you have them in your life and don’t separate yourself you will always have that new person compete for their spot and you won’t get over the ex factor.

Which has been proven many a time by the girls at work who do still contact their exes. They go back to them, go back into a relationship, get used, abused, bitch about them and the situation, break it off, then do it all over again. I say it straight to their face that I will delete the guy’s contact information so they won’t be tempted, and of course, they figure out eventually not to talk to me about it anymore.

I’m sorry, well not sorry, that I won’t lie to you. No, he will not change. You do not get in a relationship to find out you need to change these huge things about the guy and just wait until that happens, because it probably won’t. He was a jerk, he still is a jerk, go find someone who isn’t an asshole. Who you deserve, not who you crawl back to because you feel comfortable with right now.

Now, that is not to say I won’t change or work on my stuff for the fiancée. I know that I have trust issues, money issues, that I do need to work on. But, he loves my little weird habits, and I love what a kid he is even though he’s older than me, what a big heart he has, and his playfulness, among many other things. I almost got engaged to a guy 4-5 years ago but stopped it before this could happen. He so wasn’t for me, I couldn’t change him to be what I needed, and I knew I was holding onto the relationship just because I didn’t want to be out of a relationship. Which, looking back on it, was stupid.

I took 2-3 years off of being in a relationship, I was by myself, no dating, no nothing, I entered massage school and headed out into this career. While I was at my work I never dated anyone until I met the fiancée. I remembered how happy I could be by myself and not in a miserable relationship where I didn’t have the ovaries to stop it. There was this illusion that we could ‘work it out‘ when really we just weren’t meant to be. I’ve never been as in love as I am with the fiancée, or as attracted to someone, and have never thought of giving myself over as completely as I want to with the man. He had me the moment I saw him, and I just knew it.

I’ve always been the type of person who even as a kid people would make fun of me and call me weird. I was unique, strange, never a social creature and found it much more enjoyable to be alone than to fake being in a click. That has brought me to even being this age and not really having many ‘friends.’ I don’t mind it, I don’t let people know about my personal life. I never speak about what’s going on at home, don’t complain, and haven’t been one to let people in. I know this about myself, I won’t deny it. People try to define me, but it’s not so easy. People tend to think they ‘know me’ but that’s not quite so true either.

The few people I discuss stuff with, the little bits I do, get more of an idea of who I am and how I work. Like my estheticians tend to know me pretty well at work, but besides that, no one else really. I love that I have the ability to bust out a move at nearly any song, and don’t care how many rolled eyes I’ll get from certain people because they wish they could be that carefree. I ain’t stopping anytime soon, that’s for sure.