matt buchanan

Wii shortages at Christmas time are officially a crummy holiday tradition, like fruitcakes, gift cards for crappy stores and whiskey-soaked fake Santas. This year, though, it's because of pirates. No really. The Suez Canal is infested with Somali pirates (who've already stolen 1000 Wiis), so companies are diverting shipments around the Cape of Good Hope, resulting in a three week shipping delay. We've got one question for Nintendo: Where the hell are your ninjas? Look, guys, if you really cared about the Christmas joy of children all over Europe you would let loose the ninjas. I mean, you can't spell Nintendo without half of ninja, so you've obviously got them. Ninjas kill pirates. And in this case, protect the innocence of millions of children. Because if "Santa" was real, couldn't he fly around dumb seabound pirates? We're asking you, for the sake of these kids, to not think about how much deeper your lake of gold coins will get from all the loot caused by the extra demand. Release the ninjas. Guard the Wiis. Save the children. [Yahoo via Gadgetell]