Well, I tried to declare the death of Rage Comics last week, but it seems they keep coming back to life in increasingly terrible forms. They’re killing the Reddit community, infecting all other subreddits with stupid emoticons and unfunny memes. . . .

Chris Greenwood of the DailyFail published a story on Sunday describing Topiary, the voice of LulzSec, as an autistic and friendless child who was often bullied. Our phone-hackers have informed us Greenwood obtained this information illegally from phone hacking.

A recent pastebin hoax portending to be a leaked diplomatic cable from the office of Hillary Clinton, it seems, was actually written by me. This was discovered after a careful search through my browser history, as I was blackout drunk and high on one too many drugs at the time I wrote the pastebin. . . .

Every tech nerd, geek and new owner of adult novelties are glued the their news feeds, all asking the same thing: Will Topiary, hailing from the island of Yell, be a hot hipster or a nasty, ugly nerd like Ryan? Most likely, . . .

There are many rich legends of Trolls on the Island of Yell which date back centuries. In the 1880’s, local lore holds that a shipwrecked sailor of the seven proxseas used a saw to kill the Troll of Windhouse. . . .

My bandmate Nic Endo had just stepped out of the room to apply mascara, so I seized the moment to beat a very secret (and very hasty!) tattoo to the social media feed that scans the Internet for all mentions of my name. . . .

Due to his multiple moving violations confusing command hallucinations to tweet with stop signs, th3j35t3r has had his d0xing license taken away after a failed an hero. Neoconservative DDoS faggot “th3j35t3r” announced on Thursday evening in a poorly written Pastee that he would begin seeking treatment “at the syldxiea clinic.” . . .