$1 kit promises to test your kid for marijuana

So I'm in the local dollar store the other day when I stumble upon a $1 marijuana test kit.

Allow me to repeat this: a $1 marijuana test kit .

I am glad such items a "$1 marijuana test kit" did not exist during my teenage years. (And 20-something years, but whatever.) Because if a $1 marijuana test kit did exist back in 1989, I would've been totally busted.

In short, I would not have been able to come in the house, glassy-eyed and Doritos-starved, and be able to say "I was studying at Chris's house" and have my parents pretend to believe me. They would've instead said, "Piss here. Now."

Advertisement

In the meantime, this marijuana test kit I found promises to be "98 percent accurate."

Anyway, the test: What a joke. If you're a parent and think your kid is high, guess what? They're very, very high. And if you're not sure and think the test will help you become a better parent? Yeah, not so much. For real: If I were a teen and my parents told me to take a drug test, I'd probably spend the rest of my life not talking to them.

Besides, this will all be a moot point sooner rather than later, as possession of marijuana will be legal in all 50 states by 2024 at the latest. That's my prediction. Already happening out west in Colorado and Washington, where voters have legalized the drug, and it's only a matter of time before the rest of the country follows suit. Why? Because most Americans 60 and under don't see marijuana as a major issue facing our country, according to a Gallup poll. Combine that with Generation X beginning to take over political positions in America, and you've got a recipe to legalize this "drug" once and for all.

Stop me if you've heard me say this before but ... this all means some 800,000 otherwise law-abiding Americans won't go to jail each year for marijuana possession, which means federal, state and local law enforcement could stop wasting time and tax dollars fighting this non-issue, which means maybe we could stop demonizing a substance that is safer than alcohol and tobacco by nearly every measure but doesn't line up particularly well with the interests of big business.

Yeah. I think marijuana should be legalized. No question about it.

Now I'm not sitting here and saying I want my kids following in my sticky bud footsteps, but at least if they did and it was legal, I wouldn't have to worry about them getting arrested for it. Or being tested for it by some overzealous school administrator.