Surprising HTTV revelations

So, I've finally been able to work my way through HTTV 2013 - available for the low, Lowe price of $15.00 at the MGoStore. A great read, one I highly advise others to partake in before the season if possible. It's filled with updated depth charts, position-by-position breakdowns, coach-speak, heartfelt discussions about past, present, and future players, and lots more.

But the most interesting part of the magazine, at least to me, is the sheer number of unexpected revelations about the team, UM in general, other B1G programs, and college football in general. Heck, there are even some stupefying revelations about the MGoCommunity.

Now, major spoiler alerts and all that, but I tried to compile the most shocking tidbits the writers unearthed this year and have listed them below. I welcome others to add to this list, as I'm sure I missed a couple of things.

Denard Robinson did not in fact injure his arm in Nebraska; he simply wanted to usher in the Gardner era earlier than expected so that fans, opponents, the fambling public, etc. could get a taste for 2013 and beyond.

Jake Ryan did not tear his ACL in the offseason. In fact, he was serving as Chris Hemsworth stunt double in the new Thor movie.

One of Greg Mattison's goals before he speaks with the departing seniors is to review all of the gametape he has for that player in order to provide a comprehensive account of how that team helped UM while on campus. When watching Jordan Kovacs's film, though, he sometimes noticed that the rest of the players in the secondary were seemingly not on the field, as he saw only one set of cleat prints on the field against teams like VT, NW, and MSU. When Mattison asked Jordan about this, Kovacs simply replied "That is when I carried you." And then he disappeared...to Miami.

The cinematic masterpiece Sharknado was not inspired by the fever-dream delusions of a meth-addled screenwriter or a collection of Reddit users, but by the epic 2011 contest between UM and MSU. Ian Ziering has already reserved his seats for the 2013 game in preparation for filming Sharknado 2. In his words, and I'm amazed tiny microphones are this sensitive, "I'm only going to be able to feel that real sense of dread and terror of utter despair by experiencing the 2013 MSU football season in all of its wind-tunneled glory."So this, but with sharks!

Al Borges used to love running screens on offense, but then this happened and he seriously doesn't want to talk about it.

In a bit of meta site news, 99% of the funny things posted on the site are from Lloyd Carr's graduate student sweat shop he runs in Fort Schembechler. The other 1% come from all the lawyers and engineers up in here!

In anticipation of the Wildcats possible Run for the Roses this year, hedge funds and medical schools across the country are being advised to expect applications from Northwestern to be delivered promptly and immaculately, because nobody cares about NW football.

Even 3 years after The Process, the stench from all of the dead horses buried in the MGoBackyard remains as pungent as ever.

Much has been made about Urban Meyer's current time at OSU, but HTTV delved a bit deeper into his past to help divine the potential future for the Buckeyes. What they found was the *shocking* revelation that Meyer's Evil Doppelganger Rural Kroger was actually the one running the Florida program some years ago, only Urban didn't want to say anything because it just seemed like a huge hassle. Also, he has no recollection of Aaron Hernandez meeting with Doc Brown and being on the Hindenberg, an iceberg in the middle of the Atlantic in 1912, or in the room when they greenlit Batman & Robin.

Great Scott! Giving him the keys was a bad idea!

The MGoBlog phone apps secretly record you pooping, Jeremy. So knock it off with that thing we talked about during group, okay. It's really weird.

I know, really interesting stuff. I'm sure I missed things, so I welcome people pointing them out in the comments. Seriously, though, but the book. It's good stuff.

EDIT: Well, this went over well. Ah, bring on the Neg Bang. I'm man enough for it.

Brian signed my book. He wrote "Avery Horn!" above his signature. I was assuming the book was meant for Avery Horn. Maybe instead of writing our names he decided to write the names of random former players? /s (sort of...hard to know if this was a mistake or done on purpose by Brian...considering he is one of those anti-establishment long-haired crazies).

I actually doubled for Chris Hemsworth (2008) and can tell you this... I am no Chris Hemswoth BUT he is no Jake Ryan. He carries a Jake Ryan lunch box with matching thermos that he has to ask the custodian for help to open.

But seriously, how about we drop the tough guy act? I tried a bit of humor; it fell flat. I'll take my lumps. You don't need to post if you don't like it; honestly, I'd rather you just move along if all you are going to do is add some juvenile "hur hur move along man...what a nerd!" tough guy talk about a freaking internet forum post. There are literally millions of other places where acting better than others works; I like to think MGoBlog is a step above that.

and are therefore open to comments, criticism and praise. Unfortunately, in this instance you get little praise - it just wasn't that funny. Take the comments like a man and try again another time... it's all good.

To make the "nobody cares about NU football" joke. My fellow NU alums are more pumped than I have ever seen them for this season. Our alumni base is small but they absolutely are paying attention. I just got a call yesterday from old college buddies about a group trip to the Cal Berkeley game. It's a thing.

Where is the Babel fish when you need him? By the way looking at 2012 and now at the 2013 Kate in the SI swimsuit edition, she has put on some weight in a nice sort of way. (Maybe it was advised given the shoot was in Antarctica. BRRRRR!)

i don't think so. i posted one a while back about why couldn't athletes get a medical marijuana card and then smoke as much as they wanted. i found out a little too late that that was a really dumb post. when coltmcbabyjesus calls you dumb you are really dumb. that sucked.