“I Came For The Game.” Get Ahead This Super Bowl Sunday

Of all the First World problems to have, deciding the optimal time for a blowjob is probably the most indicative. There’s almost nothing a man loves more than an enthusiastic bj and football, so why not have both? But with a game as important as the Super Bowl, what’s the more appropriate time to receive said blowjob? Before, during, or after the game? Let’s run through a few of the pros and cons.

Before

Picture this, it’s the morning of the big game, and you’re already pregaming with your girl. The liquor is flowing and you’re getting buzzed while feasting on unhealthy junk like nachos. You have some time to kill before the game starts, and you really need lady luck on your side. Plus, getting a blowjob before the game is a great way to relax and take some tension off. Remember, you have a lot of money on this game!

During

Getting head during the Super Bowl is like getting road-head; it’s exciting, and really gets your adrenaline pumping. As crazy as this sounds, it’s probably not the best time for her to be sucking you off, though. This game happens once a year. You can, presumably, get a blowjob any time, but how often can you watch the greatest sports spectacle on earth? Plus, your girlfriend will miss out on all the funny commercials and end up bitching about it later. Verdict: lose-lose.

After

Super Bowl Sunday is a tenuous holiday, and hopefully, the outcome is what you were hoping for. The good news is, you can turn this around whether you win or lose. If your team won, a celebratory bj is absolutely necessary. You’re happy, and she’s drunk. Need we say more? If you lose the game, she will see that you’re sad and disappointed (especially losing all that money), and will feel obligated to make you feel better. Maybe even on the drive home…

Whether before, during, or after the Super Bowl, getting head is always fantastic. In all reality, you should never be the guy who turns down a blowjob, no matter what the situation. If anything, this should teach you to work on your multitasking skills.