Sunday, December 7, 2008

Dear NBC: I Hate You.

I get this little gem flash on the screen from time to time when I'm online:

Really? That’s awesome. Because that’s exactly what you’re supposed to be doing. No need to tell me every little mundane action you perform. Just keep ads from popping up and keep your mouth shut about it. Thanks, Firefox.

Speaking of ads that pop up, they are getting REALLY intrusive. They pop up in YouTube videos now. And the funny thing is that they try to make it relevant to the ad, and it usually ends up being something ironic and stupid. Take, for instance, the Jon LaJoie video where he describes an outlet store for buying pedophile beards, rapist glasses and public masturbator trenchcoats.

Now check out the ad I got while watching it.

Oh so classy, Google. Whatever program you use that simply matches ads to videos with the same tags should be tossed out the window.

Some of the worst ads are the ones that pop up over articles and obscure the stuff you’re trying to read. And they have a little X you can click to make it go away but I think it legally has to be 1x1 pixels, so good luck finding it. I don’t know how effective this is, but it must be the complete opposite of how really fucking annoying it is. This graph demonstrates.

More annoying than ad pop-ups however, is banned videos. For instance, I wanted to check out the preview for next week’s Prison Break. I go to the FOX website and get this:

But I don’t actually have an interest in FOX. I have an interest in Prison Break. Just because I want to see a preview clip for next week’s episode of a show that I like to watch and you happen to air doesn’t mean I’m gluing myself to your shitty network for Fox Crockofshit News or Tyler Perry’s House Of Pain, or whatever ridiculous sitcoms you’ve managed to purchase, air and subsequently run into the ground this season. Dicks.

And perhaps I’m just arguing semantics, but when they say “only currently available to viewers living in the United States,” it makes me think that they might actually be working on having it available in Canada. Which I’m quite sure is complete bullshit.

NBC Does the same thing (and two other friends have discussed their displeasure over this in the past 24 hours, having tried to watch an SNL video and getting the same message.)

Not available from my location, you say? Okay. It still pisses me off, but it's better than FOX's crappy message.

I tried watching it from the living room. No dice. Moving to the kitchen didn’t help. I even asked the neighbours if I could use their WiFi upstairs, but that was a dead end too. Granted, I'm being a douche by mocking their wording. I know you mean my country, but try being a little more descriptive, you lazy fucks.

"Please select another clip”? For you to tell me the same thing again? Are we going to do this all day, NBC? Would you have me guess which clips I can watch from my current location?

How do you keep an idiot in suspense? Direct him to the NBC site and tell him to watch videos from Canada.

Comedy Central is king in this category.

I can’t watch their videos but they helpfully direct me to (even providing a link) The Comedy Network, where I can watch them. Comedy Central, aside from the fact that the link directs me to The Comedy Network's main video page where I have to re-search for the video I was actually looking for, you’re in the clear.

And from a choice of current shows on the CBS website:

Thank CBS. Why don’t I put you in the dickface broadcaster category with NBC? I’d rather you told me it wasn’t “currently available from my location.” When will you douchebags change your wording and simply tell us the video is not available outside the United States? Obviously, the video is available. Just not to me. And then you want me to go back and click more videos? Do you want to play the runaround game all day?

1 comment:

Hi Rajah: Your post (and frustration) gave me great pleasure. I've been through the same insulting game with networks and misery loves company - especially of the sarcastic kind.

As for ad placements, they are sometimes horrifically badly matched - I red a post (can't recall where, unfortunately) where some guy whose blog repeatedly mentions that he is married gets ad sense ads that ask "Want to find married women to have affairs with?" He's like, "uh, no..."