"I Did It. I'm A Monster" Woman Tells Cops

Two cops called to a domestic incident Tuesday night rolled up in their patrol car to scenes of unspeakable horror at a house on the Trevelyan Estate.

Waiting for the officers at the kerb was a woman, clearly distraught, agitated, and covered in milk. The woman told the officers:

"I did it. I'm a monster."

Treading with extreme caution, the officers entered the house to witness the aftermath of scenes of extreme violence. A man, who it transpired to be the woman's husband asked the officers from the armchair where he'd been sitting watching Celebrity Big Brother:

"What's going on?"

When the officers explained their presence, the man quipped:

"Oh that's just the wife going off on one because the kids wouldn't tidy the house. She'll be all right in a half hour or so. She does breathing exercises. They taught her how at anger management classes."

The officers insisted on taking a look around to make sure nobody had been hurt. What they found shocked even these hardened officers.

"She'd slashed a couple of cartons of long life milk up with a paring knife," one cop, visibly shaken, told us. "And then she poured the contents over her head. If she doesn't bathe or shower quickly, the stench will linger with her for weeks."

They also found a decapitated Barbie doll, a teddy bear with the stuffing torn out of it, and that the tyres on the husband's bicycle had been let down.

"It never ceases to amaze me," the second cop told us. "The depths to which some depraved individuals will sink."

The husband returned to watching CBB and used his phone vote to have Katia evicted.

More as we get it.

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