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Topic: This is somehow my fault... (Read 15246 times)

Mom was standing there and allowed her DD to not only grab the soap, but she tried to eat it??? And this is your fault?? Oh nonono! What a SS ! My bathroom has nothing edible in it and I made sure my kids knew, at a young age, that everything in the bathroom was Mr. Yuk. I would think that would be common knowledge for a parent to teach a child -my DD put EVERYTHING in her mouth ! But, instead of being mad, she should have been laughing over the absurdity of it. It is not like you left open prescriptions everywhere.

DH and I had some of DH's family over for dinner on Monday night, including his sister, her husband and their two kids. One of the kids, Julia, is about 2.5 years old and is potty training. During the evening, when Julia had to go, I directed them to our downstairs bathroom. All of a sudden, we hear some truly insane shrieking and crying coming from the bathroom. Julia's mom (DH's sister) informed us that Julia had never seen a bar of soap before and had bitten into it thinking it was food, hence the shrieking and crying. I do indeed have a set of bite marks in the soap, and am thinking about tossing it. The way Julia's mom told us about the problem implied that I was at fault for not having liquid soap available, only bar soap.

Is this something I should have anticipated when having people over? Is this something I should be asking people with kids about in the future? I've never heard of someone never seeing bar soap before, so I'm a little confused on if this is my problem, or just Julia's mom trying to deflect blame for her kid trying to eat my soap.

I wouldn't waste another second thinking about this nonsense.

i agree.

and for those who wonder how a two year old could have never seen soap before - it's certainly possible. My DS grew up in a home with only liquid soap. By now (age 26) he does know what soap is, but i'm not sure what was going thru his brain when he was two.

It doesn't sound like she specifically said anything blaming you, right? It was just an annoyed tone of voice?

If that's the case, I don't think she's even blaming you. A lot of times when I tell my husband something annoying that our dogs just did, I have a tone of voice that is very irritated - but I'm certainly not blaming him for it

Maybe the annoyed tone wasn't directed at you, but it was just over the situation. Kid goes in to "panic screaming/crying" mode and Mom goes into "what the devil just happened" mode. It might have taken her a moment to realize "Oh. DD bit the soap. "

Is this something I should have anticipated when having people over? Is this something I should be asking people with kids about in the future? I've never heard of someone never seeing bar soap before, so I'm a little confused on if this is my problem, or just Julia's mom trying to deflect blame for her kid trying to eat my soap.

I'm sorry, but I can't help but find this funny. A 2 year old has never seen a bar of soap before? Said 2 year old, while under her mom's supervision* tries to eat it, and it's your fault? Uh no, not your problem.

*Not that I'm blaming the mom for the soap eating attempt either. Kids can do the dumbest things in the blink of an eye.

This is pretty much where I fall.

Don't give this another thought. Really. Just because someone gets upset doesn't mean the other person (you) did anything even remotely wrong.

I have a remarkably realistic fake doughnut on my desk at work, purchased from a home-show booth catering to kitchen design and model home companies. So far, no one has actually tried to bite the diet doughnut (High fiber and low sugar!).

For the OP, no, there is no shame or responsibility in keeping bar soap in your bathroom, even though a young child might never have seen such a thing. (Or a not so young child: my friend switched to bar soap, and her grandchildren thought it was the coolest thing ever. Somehow they got to 7 or 8 using only liquid soap.)

It doesn't sound like she specifically said anything blaming you, right? It was just an annoyed tone of voice?

If that's the case, I don't think she's even blaming you. A lot of times when I tell my husband something annoying that our dogs just did, I have a tone of voice that is very irritated - but I'm certainly not blaming him for it

That's what I'm wondering too. She was annoyed that her child had done it and annoyed with herself that she'd allowed it to happen. Unless the mom is a total twit, I just can't imagine her blaming the OP and the OP's husband for the misshap.

And I sometimes realize how much my family likes to tease each other, because after something like this, the child would hear about it for decades. "Hide the soap, Julie's going to the bathroom" or having a bar of soap served to her between two slices of bread.

I think maybe your SIL has lost a bit of perspective from being a protective mommy; some of us human beings have a "brain short-out" when a kid, esp. ours, cries.

Your role in this situation is to model the appropriate reaction consistently so that she can learn how to properly react.

And the appropriate reaction is an affectionate, bemused, sympathy toward the kid. "Yeah, soap does taste bad, doesn't it! Isn't it funny that you tried to eat it? I'm sorry it was stinky-tasting. Let me give you a little hug, smile at you in amusement for a moment, tell you about the time that *I* ate something stupid when I was a little kid, and send you off to do something else. Oh, and totally am I going to tell this story on you when you are older, bcs I think it's a classic 'funny little kid' story. But I'll probably also tell *my* 'eating soap' story at the same time."

Under no circumstance should you feel bad about this - or change the kind of soap you use. Kids try to eat anything at that age - and if their warped little minds can connect between something familiar and what they are seeing - even older. I have a cousin who at 4 tried to eat dog poop in a neighbors yard because he thought it was a tootsie roll. Did his parents think the neighbor needed to get rid of the dog? Heck No- my warped aunt and uncle proceeded to go out and GET their own dog! ( True family story) The cousin in question still tells the story every time one of the various kids puts something weird in their mouths and the parents get worried. It's become family lore. This mother will learn to look at her kid's mist-tastes as humorous eventually, too. Stop worrying, continue to use your bar soap, and know that kids just do weird things.

Need to Change

Screams are irritating! If the kid's a regular screamer, a parent may get rubbed raw, and will to do almost anything to stop it. If the kid's normally calm, an occasional scream is a 5-star alarm.

Like others, I'll guess that Mom felt put out when she was abruptly pushed into Urgent Emergency Mode ... and you got some spillover. Understandable, but she owes you an apology.

Yes, there are common-sense precautions. Still, despite best efforts, no one can keep an active, curious kid out of everything -- though parents may be told they can and must. It's nature's design to promote learning.

As a mother (of a child the same age), I find it mind boggling that a child is old enough to potty train yet is still putting random things in their mouth? I wouldn't entertain this at all, how ridiculous. If my son did that, I would have laughed at him and said "SEE?"