When the “editor” of NONzine contacted me in February about writing for him, I immediately booked a flight to Borneo, changed my name, and thought everything would be okay.

Then one day I got a package from my auntie in Talequah, full of her usual breads and sweetmeats. The packing material happened to consist of several copies of NONzine, and to my horror my name appeared on several “articles” and “reviews.” The pieces in question were written as poorly as possible, an obvious ploy - but effective. My goat was gotten, and I rode it back to Oklahoma, ready to kick some NONass.

Of course, it’s hard for me to stay mad for any length of time. I’ve got these positive vibes radiating from my gutty-wuts that make me all fuzzy style, and how. I was happy to see red dirt again, and after reading NONzine I decided that maybe I could do some writing... so here we go again. I found the NONzine “office” and dropped in to say hello. When “editor boy” unlocked the door, his face had “call first” etched all over it.

“Hey, this looks almost respectible,” I said.

“Thanks. We’re trying. So, you ready to write?”

“Sure, I’m just settling in and was thinking maybe next week...”

“I need it tommorrow! The interview is tonight.”

“I wasn’t really planning on...”

“Well, sorry - but we want the Ghost of Monkshood in this issue, so...”

“Okay. Ghosts of Monkshood?”

“GHOST of Monkshood.”

“Allright.”

So I got the details, checked out their website, and made it to the practice house. I wasn’t prepared for it to be the same place where I was kidnapped, bound and hypnotized in 2000 (while interviewing Ambassador Bill). The flashbacks almost made me turn around and head back to Borneo. I decided to be professional about it.

At first I couldn’t tell who was in the band and who wasn’t. There were a lot of people in the house, I knew most of them, some of them talked a lot - and some not at all. All drank beer, so I had one too.

Practice was still going on, so I was able to ferret out the band members: Chase Spivey, Chris McDaniel, Brian Adair, Dorian Small and Tanya Felter. Until recently, the line-up included Thom Proctor, but he has been replaced by Tanya because he’s going off to some fancy school.

The five of them were making some fine music, that’s for sure, and I snapped some pictures and tapped my toes. They were really into the groove, and kept on going.. I wiggled my ears, drank another beer, chased a few birdies from room to room, and listened. The Monkshood gelled fantastic and tightened the rhythm a couple of notches, then they let it fly and shot it down. There was a pause, as they all shifted instruments.

Then, they started playing again. There were drones and whizzle screech fizzle chimes. The beat was visine on my third eye. Some chord kicked in the door and searched my car, found nothing, and went on to collect his pension. There was a harmonic implication of better days, better ways, and a spider trapped in fog.

Then, there was a voice that said, “hey there, Zeke.”

It was a talking beer can. “Hey, there... uh, beer can.”

“You can call me Milk Beast. You might as well give up trying to talk to these guys, all they want to do is play music.”

“I was starting to get that, but I’m here to do an interview.”

“You could talk to us,” said a deep, important sounding voice. It was the Bass guitar.

“Hey, that’s a good idea, everyone always ignores us instruments!” said the Digereedoo.

So that’s how it went, folks. I interviewed the Ghost of Monkshood’s stuff. Since the Ghost members were flitting from instrument to instrument like butterflies, it made it pretty easy to get some one on one time with all the major objects.

NZ: So, what is the Ghost of Monkshood all about?

Effect Pedal: What, are you new in town? They’ve had a following for a while now...

NZ: Pretend that I am, it makes for better content.

Effect Pedal: Oh, I see how it is. Okay, they’re kind of like chickazfzzzzzzzz chickafzzzzzz zzzzhissssszzzzz hisss.

Drum: NO! They’re more like rat-tat-tat boom boom boom rat-tit-tat!

Megaphone: DON’T FORGET THE “GET OUT OF THE WATER, GET OUT OF THE WATER!”

NZ: Okay...

Microphone: They’re cleansing. I mean, you hear it - the music is what it is. Some people really hate it.

NZ: Only because it’s good...

Microphone: ...right, and some people love it. It’s like a lot of Oklahoma music - hard to describe to begin with, and then it changes.

Guitar: It evolves!

NZ: So there isn’t much of a chance we can really convey it in print...

Bass: Not even if you included the CD, Spider Through the Fog...

NZ: What an odd name!

Effect Pedal: Hey! Odd how? I came up with that name...

NZ: Odd in a good way. I was getting some strong imagery of a spider trapped in fog earlier, so the CD title freaked me out a little.

Effects Pedal: The “spider” is your mind, man, and the Ghost of Monkshood makes music to lead it THROUGH the fog, get it?

NZ: Kind of, sounds heavy man. I don’t think like that anymore...

Beer Can: Maybe you should! Then you could have gotten a decent interview with the actual band members, instead of talking to us.

Cymbal: YEAH!

Drum: BURN!

NZ: So, the band recently had a personel change - any thoughts on that?

Viola: I’m really excited about being here!

Drum: Me too!

Bass: Me too!

Guitar: Actually, we’re all going to miss Thom a lot, but he has to get an education and all that. He’ll miss us, too. Tanya is real gentle, and she smells better.

Megaphone: THAT’S FOR SURE!

Bass: That isn’t very nice...

Effect Pedal: hsss sszzzzhhh fzzz wah

NZ: You guys have anything else to say?

Guitar: Oklahoma rules!

NZ: Yes, it does...

NOTE: Of course, we’d never do a joke interview like this, and not include pictures of the band...