today usual pattern no sleep, funny dreams in the small bits of sleep i get, ahhhhhhhh this painnnnnnnn , i laid this morning thinking right i am going to hospital A and E department, got up at 10-45am after my thinking, showered, had my breakfast then thought what's the point they are only going to tell me it's my fibro which isn't what i want to hear , so i decided to slowly have a clean up, swept and mopped my floors polished made my bed ohh my god a snail could move faster but i've achieved it , then i took my little pooch out as she been in season for a while and not been out for a walk so took a slow walk round my block ohh god where is my stregnth today?. i have just sat down i am feeling so fed up again, miss my daughter like mad and my grandson too(they live in australia if you didn't know )soooo having a bad bad day feeling sooo sorry for myself why do we do that xx despite all other pains and aches my shoulder and arm are really getting me down i just don't know what to do with my self, my pregnant daughter is not feeling well so i am trying to be strong for her and not show her how i am feeling, my feet ache, my legs ache, my knees ache my hips are sore why why why me ? what is the reason i have this illness i know i always say because you are strong enough to cope and thats why it has chose me ......well you know what fibro you suck and who gave you the right to give it to me and effect my life i try to be strong but my fight is running out xx

Ohh if you want to be tearful you let it out! it is better to let it out than to hold in and build up!

Am sure your daughter will be ok she will be well looked after and of course any problems her Dr will sort things out and her partner.

It is extremely tirering! you can kinda feel ok and think rite will do something and when you do it just provokes it all and you feel in so much agony after (so we kinda have to live doing nothing but little pottering about) but little bits here and there and TV, book and a cuppa is all ok and not to feel bad about doing it.

It is just the shear frustration of your 'once' active self that gets to you and of course you worry because your kids live so far away ( skype ?) do you keep in touch. You can always just call and share your day (as much as you may not want to burden)

You just tell us and we are all ears!! and a snoft snuggly shoulder too x

My mum went mad with me the other day as we not so far only like 10 miles apart and i am the only one that drives out of brother, sister & mum. we do not see hardly anything of each other but the phone is there and txts!

I was so badly last friday and close to calling Ambulance that bad, but held off . my mum was mad i never asked her to come and help..well what could you do really mum? My 11yr old sat by my bed on h er laptop plenty of cups of tea (she gave up her day to the fair) i felt so guilty but i was struggling so bad. My hubby had Auditors at work so had to go and myelder daughter was out at work doing what i do. so pretty stuck.

Mum said and yes tt could of gone to fair with her friends as i could of helped (ohhh ifelt bad) but i did not want to burden mum...

I always say if some one OFFERS their help anytime and you need it then take their offer! because they would not offer if was too busy to help out.

yes cazzie we skype most nights, i look forward too as we do a couple of hours before she goes off to work , she is a strong independant lady her hubby is fantastic hands on with baby so i have no worries , just wish i was there to help her , i don't tell her my bad days as with the huge mileage between us i don't want her to worry because there is nothing she can do and i have a good support her with my husband an 2 other daughters , my pregnant daughter is expecting (22weeks) and is very big so is struggling with the heat bless her i am also worrying as she is not on good terms with baby's dad so she is going to be a single parent , which we are supporting her all the way, luckily she will be at home till baby is born but she want's her own independancy for herself and baby as i sure being at home with us can be a pain as we have so much advice for her (if was me i would call it interefereing lol) but i know she will be a good mum) , they all know when i am having a bad day and look after me but i still hide it from them i am proud lady and my job is to look after my family an i will best way i can . you are soo right when we do normal daily things they are such a challenge x i have freinds but they don't reall know how i'm felling they just know im different as i qm not my usual god old teresa who is the life and sole of a girly night out , i don't go anymore as they don't ask and i'm glad cos it saves me saying ohh no i can't, my sister just really offers me pity which as you know pity is not what we need she has a god heart but works so when she offers to help its normally sorted by time she can do it , my network consists of me , my husband, my middle daughter and my youngest, obviously if eldest daughter was here she would be by my side constantly and thats what i miss as she did everything with me and took me where i needed to go , my husband now does this he gave up his business to look after me , my parents have died so i don't have tht , through my life i have never needed anyone , i left home at 16 and never looked back it as always been me and my husband, he is my rock i struggle with wanting help as i have never had it before so why now , i will get through this my way i am learning but it is tough xx thanks for you kind words and everyday i learn to be more excepting xx take care xx

Fairycazzie, your mum sounds like mine. I remember visiting my mum & dad and mum kept offerring me different favourites to eat. I kept saying "no thanks, I'm fine" [I couldn't if I tried], I felt so ill. I caught a look on her face of how worried she was. She then said she would have some toast, would I like some. I determined that I would eat one piece even if it killed me! and asked could I have half a slice. I wanted to give hr a hug and started to follow her into the kitchen. she didn't see me. She ran into my Dad's arms and said "Paddy! she's having toast!" her voice was very happy but tearful. Theyhugged. It meant so much to be able to help and I thought I was protecting them. that was the most precious piece of toast ever and I've never forgotten it or the importance of accepting help. I'm still very moved even now 18 years later and both sadly gone. regards, sandra

4 years agoHidden

Hi hun i really felt for you soo much.

There isnt a day that goes by when i dnt miss my two gorgeous kids.

So i kinda no how you must be feeling.dnt be so hard on yourself.being sttong okay.but you can let it out and feel this way.

We all do it.your daughter would understand,dnt be a martyr all time.

Ease up on yourself.

Im having weird dreams,my sleep pattern is bad and in pain.your nt on your own.xx

thank you sooo much for your kind words xx i very proud of the way my daughter was strong enough to make a new life out in oz on her own she is amazing and everytime we speak my heart flutters to think i made her like that i would wish nothing else that my girls can go out there and get what they want as that is what we wish for them that is why i will not tell her my bad days obviously if they was something she needed to know she would be told but there isn't so my face give all is good here liook haha, i know if i hide my fear to my family they can go ahead with there daily day to day life as they need but they no as i chow n get moody , i am learning to give in the hardest was excepting this stupid illness along with other health issues but the last 2years have been the hardest , thanks once again for your kind words i know im not alone on here and it is such a relief to say how i am feeling as you all no and are more then likely feeling the same, take care of yourself too xx teresa xx

thanks beth xx it's just one of them dreaded days we have eh xx i will ok hopefully tomorrow xx xx take care xx

4 years agoHidden

Poor you Teresa, it's awful having one of those days isn't it. I hope you feel better tomorrow and more able to cope with things. It can be really hard at times with no end in sight. Be assured that we all understand how you feel, we are all in the same boat here.

Be proud that your daughter in Oz is doing so well, you've obviously done a great job bringing her up, and your other daughter too. I hope she feels better soon.

can i just say A BIG THANK YOU to everyone who has left me kind messages today i know i'm not alone and you have sort of got me through today as i have been such a grouch to my hubby today bless him , i am going to listen more to my body and do what's right for me and my family and take one day at a time and listen to my body more time to listen to my own advice that i give to so many others xx night night and i hope you get a good night sleep take care and lots of love and hugs teresa xxxx

Teresa, I've felt the same this week. It's not feeling sorry for yourself with all you've got going on, it's natural and honest. Even if you think you are hiding it well, it's often written all over us. - see my earlier reply above. be gentle with yourself. regards, sandra

Morning Teresa hope you slept a bit and the morning is brighter today! Is it sunny with you that always helps I feel for you I have become terribly emotional about life my children ( they do not live as far a way about 350miles) but that is far enough.

This dam fibro makes us more emotional so a hug for you and a smile x gins

Hi there I do empathise totally with how you feel, if you want to cry cry and let it out you will feel much better.these "blips" happen and at the time it is devastating.It the bodys way of saying STOP and REST listen to your body.We are not supermen/superladies but a lot is expected of us these days - keep calm and carry on - stiff upper lip etc.I have very little support, my husband and daughter do not recognise my fib.BUT over the last three weeks my husband has been in awful pain - why? he needs a hip replacement.So for four years on and off I have had continual pain which comes and goes and for me the drugs do not work.He now understands what pain is and how it wears you down and of course the side effects of the drugs he is having to take.Chores will always be there, we all have choices to make.I have a little saying PACE yourself Pick A Chore Everyday.If you do the important ones then well done.If you feel like doing more ok if not STOP.Go out into the garden, listen to some music, draw or sketch do something for YOU.Staying POSITIVE is no secret but it is sometimes Very Very Hard.Hope you feel better today.We aare all with you been there and got the t.shirt/video.Blogs like this are just what they are there for.Good Luck and take care.Tomorrow is another day.xx

Morning Teresa, I do hope you are feeling a little better today, we all know how you feel and have days like that, letting it all out is easier said then done sometimes, i know Big Gentle Hugs For you Today ((())))) xxx

Morning Teresa hope you are feeling better today.We are all with you and we have days like that.You are not alone; we will all fight it with you.It will subside, honestly.Take care and huge gentle hugs from everyone on this blog site.There that must make you feel better and wanted and loved.xx

awwww thank you xx i feel the huge love and frienship from all on this site x today i am having lunch with my best friend and my sister and my god-daughter xx all though its only a couple hours of my time it is something to get ready for a reason to put on my best dress and enjoy my day x looking forward to it soo much xx