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Breaking News! What is the Happy Medium and How Do We Effing Get It?

What is the Happy Medium & How Do We Effing Get It?

Imagine you are eating your favorite bag of chips: habanero ranch. Each bite is better than the last and next thing you know you’ve finished the entire bag. What comes in, must go out, and sometimes sooner than planned. If only you were able to determine the sweet spot of the happy medium in the moment. Scientists have discovered “exciting” news in the phenomenon of extremism. It’s called the Inverted U and it supports the theory “in all things moderation.”

“I fought to call it the ‘descending spiral staircase,’” explained one researcher. “The good news is I’m back in the basement working with the mice.”

Here’s how it works. The optimal position is at the top of the upside-down U (kind of like this Ω symbol) dropping to one side of the base represents an overload in excitement and the other side represents an lack of energy, both having negative effects on the individual. The culprit? Adrenaline. If you’re bored, you don’t have enough of it and if you are stressed, you have too much. The ability to deliberate and reason is compromised during these times of extreme and in time your immune system will also become impaired.

“That’s why I have told my bosses I must meditate during work hours,” confirmed the newest member on the research team. “It may look like I’m sleeping, but really I’m deep in thought.”

Researchers can confirm America has become a: some-is-good-but-more-is-better culture. Even people trying to achieve a healthy lifestyle can overdo it with their toxic cleanses and excessive intake of homeopathic supplements. A tipping point is often reached and what was once healthy, now is harmful.

“You know that saying you can never be too skinny or too rich?” advised one scientist. “Well, that’s true, but with everything else you need to keep it in moderation. Like food, alcohol, drugs. You’ll be more successful keeping it in the happy medium range.”

So how do you find and stay in the flow of moderation? Scientists say we must “dare to be average” which doesn’t sound like much of a dare when you think about it. However, studies show that reductions in extremism can be planned. For example, if you are extremely addicted to your phone, make a pact with friends not to bring phones into the restaurant while you eat. This way you control the phone, the phone doesn’t control you.

“Are you fucking kidding me,” said one of the participants in the study. “What if I miss something important? Can’t I give up chocolate, like I do for Lent?”

The take away for achieving the happy medium is learning that sometimes the best life you can live involves staying in the middle lane and putting it in cruise control.