Tag Archives: Love

Why is it easier to say something to our kids when we’re angry at them than when they are doing what we want them to do?

Picture a lazy Sunday afternoon and you’re reading your favorite magazine while sipping a cup of tea. Your children are in the next room playing a game together, having a wonderful time and getting along famously. What are the chances that you would get up, walk to the next room and say, “It’s so nice to see you two having such a great time together”? Probably slim. Why? Because when we parents are happy and content ourselves, we aren’t particularly motivated to move from what’s making us content.

Now imagine that your children in the next room begin screaming and arguing. Your heart begins to beat faster, anger begins to swell inside you and thoughts like, “What is going on? Why can’t they just play nicely? I was having such a relaxing time by myself!” begin to run through your head. Now you are motivated – you are MAD! What are the chances of you getting up, stomping into the next room and yelling at the kids to, “Be quiet!”?

Unfortunately, the outcome of this “Speak only when we see negative behavior Syndrome” is that our kids mostly hear from us when we have something negative to say rather than positive feedback. They receive the message that they are just annoying to us.

The antidote? Positive verbal and non-verbal reinforcement.

Here are 20 ways to show or tell your children that you appreciate their positive behaviors.

“Thanks for wiping the kitchen counter so nicely”

“I think you got ready for school in record time this morning!”

“I loved how you persevered after getting frustrated with your homework tonight.”

“I saw you on the soccer field. You played hard!”

“It was so nice dining out with you tonight.”

“Have I told you lately how much I appreciate how you keep your room so tidy?”

Give a rub on the back after your child has done something you asked.

Give your child a wink and a smile after they accomplish something difficult to show you are proud of them.

Give your child a thumb or two thumbs up after you see him/her completing a task around the house.

“Good job on that math test, Julie. I know you studied hard.”

“I’m so proud of how you _______________.”

“I’m so proud to call you my son/daughter.”

Write a special note and put it in your child’s desk at school.

Write a special note and put it in your child’s lunch bag.

Smile at your child and stroke their hair after they have made a good choice about something.

Buy a “just because” toy, game, or puzzle and attach a note or card expressing the reason you are giving the gift. Do they always hang up their coat which keeps your house tidy? Do they always finish their homework on time?

“That puppy really likes you!”

“Dad and I were so proud of the way you behaved tonight at our friend’s house. You were polite and tried to join in the conversation.”

“Wow, how creative. I like how you used the color purple here”

Leave a heart-shaped note in your child’s jacket pocket thanking him/her for a job well done on a task they always do around the house.

In order to remind themselves to use praise, some parents find it helpful to make a note and put it where they can see it often. The note might read, “notice the positive” or “catch ’em doing good.”.

Catch your kids being good. It will have a profound effect on the atmosphere in your home. Whatever it takes, I assure you it will be worth it.

How do you reinforce the behavior in your household? Let us know in the comments below!

It is a beautiful and pure emotion; Fresh & crisp like daisies in sunshine, deep & strong like the ocean. It is a need, a desire, a want, a fancy created by Allah

And among His signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in peace and tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): Verily in that are signs for those who reflect" (Surah Ar-Rum,30: Verse, 21)

ALAS!

Come 14th February, love is hijacked & sold, like cheap candy that leaves a bad taste in the mouth – But, wrapped in very fancy paper! And they call it VALENTINE’S DAY.

Special red roses, specially designed cards, “extra special” discounts on that oh so special dinner, supported by special TV shows, specially crooned songs to get you in that special mood – the stage is set for one special marketing genius day!

You think, like millions of others, this is all specially for me? Why have we allowed love to become a commodity?

And have we considered what “brand” of love Valentine’s day is promoting? Same as the media does … “virtual love” … images of tall, dark & handsome, petite yet voluptuous, sacrifice through rebellion, passion as reckless, and “love” as pleasurable sin. Everything is so dramatic, so momentary and yet so alluring …

Do we really know the difference between real love and virtual love? Or have we all started living in “La La Land.”

The Canadian Red Cross says,

“Valentine’s day hype can fuel youth dating violence. Our culture starts laying the groundwork at a very early age to convince young people that romantic love is all important. However, we often neglect to teach young people what’s health and what isn’t in romance."

We have imported a phenomenon that thinking people in the west are rejecting –cigarette companies found a new “market” in us when anti-smoking campaigns took hold in the west. They need to sell, we need NOT BUY.

Stop and think. Does a card with some one else’s pre printed paid emotions spell out “romance” for us? Do we want to find ”love” by following a pagan festival that had a lottery to distribute women for entertainment?

WE HAVE AN ALTERNATIVE … Realistic, constructive and fulfilling.

The Prophet (PBUH) said: NIKAH is my sunnah … (Bukhari & Muslim)

Islam offers real love, real romance and real flirting!

Yes. Flirting …

Who says we can’t flirt with our husbands/wives or be passionate or go out on dates? It is all there and worth waiting for …

Allah protects us from the short lived glamour of “virtual love” and has blessed us with the finest and purest relationship between a boy and a girl – marriage.

The Prophet (PBUH) enjoyed an especially meaningful married life. By modern standards he was a liberal and open-minded man. He had no problem declaring in public that his wives were the dearest and fondest to him.

A few decades down, we will hear “Valentine’s day is part of our cultural tradition”! Today we hear, “What is the harm in expressing love on 14th February?”

Quotable quotes

Are we still going to press the ball gowns and tuxedos? Select a partner and set the scene for Valentine’s day? Grab the tickets and tables before they are sold out? Hook up with a friend to cover up our absence at home … just in case we miss out? … miss out on what?