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Sunday, February 06, 2011

SUNDAY'S PORN DAY!

It's been a while since I've found anything interesting enough to post about in this department, and today's entries leave me kind of saying "whatevs," but here they are anyway.

The XXX parody avalanche continues unabated and frankly I'm sick of it. There's no attempt at coming up with goofball titles anymore, so all you get now is "(INSERT NAME OF PARODY SOURCE MATERIAL HERE) — A XXXParody," and where's the fun and cheap laughs in that? Case in point, this SCOOBY-DOO lampoon(tang):

Why not SCOOBY-DO ME or SCREWBY-DOO? Or even a "furry" version with a guy in a Great Dane costume, entitled SCOOBY-DUDE? It took me two seconds to come up with those, but bubkes from the pros. And why in the names of the gods is Daphne not a redhead?

Up next is this tenderloin take of THE SIMPSONS.

I admit that THE SIMPSONS if a tough one to come up with a good parody title for, but I nonetheless throw THE HUMPSONS out there. And I would like to see this one, but not for the sex; I'm intrigued by seeing the familiar characters as portrayed in live action by xanthous-hued makeup and how well those actors nail (excuse the pun) their voices and traits.

Asian-centric filth has a long and rich history of bad titles, many of which play with bad "Chinese-style" naming and perceived phrasing, such as LUCKY ROLL/ORAL FEAST (which sounds like a takeout combo), WANTON WONTONS, ME LOVE YOU LONG TIME, and the ultra-offensive CHINKY CHINKY GANGBANG. Now we get CUM FU, which unfortunately and somewhat surprisingly is not a fuckee-suckee take on the classic '70's show starring David Carradine.

I admit that CUM FU elicted a laugh from me, but I would have preferred a title like ENTER THE DRAGON REPEATEDLY or ENTER THE DRAGON THROUGH THE BACK DOOR.

And the there's this item of sheer "What the fuck"-ness:

Exactly who the hell is this aimed at? I don't know about where you grew up, but where I came from "creepy" uncles were roundly vilified and deemed fit only to be immediately fed through a wood-chipper, but I guess like with everything else times have changed for the worse.

Lastly, considering how the porn parody fad rages on like a pandemic, it's only a matter of time until someone gets around to making a porno based on the beloved children's character Gumby. As is seen with items like the aformentioned Scooby-Doo stroker, nothing is sacred, so I can totally picture an ass-fucking variant of the Art Clokey classics called BUMBY, in which Gumby raunches his "pony pal Pokey" up the fudge tunnel (or maybe that would be Pokey's job since it's right there in his very name). And you just know the talent would be decked out in laughably-horrible foam outifts. Also, imagine the intentionally bad re-lyriced version of the classic theme tune:

My rewrite would probably go something like this:

He's equipped with little green balls of claaaay...BUMBY! You could be who Bumby cornholes todaaaay...BUMBY!He'll ass-raunch each and everyoneWith his pony pal Pokey tooIf you like it "brown"Then Bumby is down with yoooooou

That took me mere seconds to write, so I'd probably refine it before submitting a final version. Hey! Why don't you write in with your filthy Gumby theme tune? And while my take on it would be an all-anal version, think of the other variants, such as "Cumby" or "Scumby."

The late Art Clokey and his famed creation. It's only a matter of time until the XXX parody surfaces. Mark my words!