Parents say: Domestic or international adoption?

One of the first questions many people who are considering adopting a child ask is, "Is it better to adopt domestically or internationally?" The answer to this question differs for every family. Below, parents explain why they chose one or the other.

Choosing to adopt a child from the United States

"We chose to adopt domestically because we wanted our child to have the opportunity to know his birth parents at some point in his life. We also wanted to experience all the stages of a child's life, beginning from birth."

— Mark

"We adopted domestically. We're a gay couple, and it was important to us to be able to adopt under California law. While gay couples can adopt from most international sources, many foreign governments won't knowingly allow gay couples to adopt — so we would have had to hide the fact. We also feel like you get a better idea of the birth mother's health history domestically, and it was quicker and wound up being cheaper (even using a private agency) than the time and costs for most international adoptions."

— Patrick

"We chose domestic adoption. We wanted an infant because the traveling would be difficult for me (I'm a teacher). Domestic adoption was also less expensive." — Jen

"We decided to adopt domestically. We wanted a newborn, and my husband didn't want to go into debt adopting our baby. We found out that all adoptions are expensive in one way or another. Going with the domestic adoption from the first thought until our angel was in our arms took a while — two years and five months. And the total cost was about $10,000."

— Deborah

Choosing to adopt a child from another country

"As a single 41-year-old woman, I didn't think I had much of a chance of adopting a healthy infant from the United States. But at the time, the China program welcomed single moms- and dads-to-be, and actually preferred that adoption applicants be over the age of 35. For once, I felt I fit into the right demographics and was fairly certain that I'd be able to adopt a healthy baby. (Eleni was 7 months old at the time of her referral, and 8 1/2 months old when I received her.) As a single mom-to-be, I was also drawn to the fact that China had so many girls in its orphanages. I felt that if I was going to be a single mother — at least at the outset — that it would be easier to parent a child of my own gender. In China, the chances were excellent that I'd be able to request and adopt a little girl."

— LauraEditor's note: You can read more about Laura and her daughter Eleni in Laura's parenting journal.

"We were interested in international adoption, and China in particular, from the get-go. Several factors explain our interest. First, compared with domestic adoption, the international adoption process in general, and Chinese adoption in particular, is very dependable and predictable — there are generally no "surprises." Second, because we live in the Bay Area, with its very strong Asian-American and Chinese-American community and cultural presence, adopting from China seemed like a natural choice. Third, we really liked the idea of becoming a multicultural family and learning about our daughter's birth culture."

— Madeline

"I went with my gut a lot, and not from any books. We knew we wanted a child and the biological way wasn't working. We loved the idea of becoming a multicultural family. I'd lived in China years ago, spoke the language, knew the culture, knew the issues with abandoning baby girls, and asked my Chinese friends if indeed there was a need to adopt baby girls (or was it some hideous baby factory). They said yes there was a need. So then it was just a question of finding an agency that did Chinese adoptions."

— Linda

"We adopted our daughter from China because I felt drawn there, and because we wanted a daughter. We also didn't want the chance of birth parents wanting to take the child back." — Sharyl

"We chose to adopt internationally, in part, because at that time there were more agencies doing international adoptions than domestic. But we also felt that with domestic adoptions too much can go wrong. The birth family can show up years later and still have rights to the child, and I didn't want to worry about that or put my kids through that." — Lynn

"Originally I chose to adopt internationally because I was single and found that domestic adoption by a single parent is almost impossible. I was discouraged at every turn. Social workers wouldn't even talk to me. I wasn't requesting a 'healthy Caucasian infant.' Biracial or any race was fine, but preferably under age 5. I was told I wouldn't qualify because there's already a long list of couples waiting for those children.

I'm married now and my partner and I are in the process of adopting a second child from China. We wanted our daughters to have the same heritage. We have an appreciation for Chinese culture, and we know the process works with China. There can be delays, but most cases are successful if you fit the requirements of the Chinese government. We wouldn't consider domestic adoption because of the time, cost, and frustration involved. Being older parents (late 30s), we found that international adoption offered more options for us. We were told that younger couples had a better chance adopting domestically.

We do get comments from people such as, 'Why don't you adopt one of your own (or a baby from the United States).' We feel that all children, regardless of race or nationality, deserve a home. Domestic adoption works for some families, while foster parenting or international adoption works for others. A couple (or single parent-to-be) needs to do what's best for their own family and circumstances."

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