VICTORA: I can watch my kids grow up, unlike parents in Newtown

Usually at this time of year I spend too much time feeling a tiny bit sad that another year has passed and my kids have grown up.

WENDY VICTORA / Daily News

Usually at this time of year I spend too much time feeling a tiny bit sad that another year has passed and my kids have grown up. I donít want them to stay small forever. Or maybe a part of me does, deep down.

But this time of year is a milestone, a clear comparison of where we were last year and where we are now. Of how my husband and I got a year older and so did the kids, and thatís a little bittersweet.

I also, inevitably, fast-forward to next year and how truly old they will be by then. My youngest is 10, soon to turn 11, and I know heís on the brink of stepping away from childhood and into his teen years.

This year is different.

I am painfully aware of how fortunate I am that my kids have spent so many years and days and months getting to this point.

They got out of first grade, lost more teeth, and soared into second grade. In between, they climbed trees, did cannonballs into every pool they could find and snuggled up with their favorite stuffed animals at night.

They edged out of elementary school and into the middle school years, successfully navigating a world that can be filled with unforeseeable dangers.

They learned how to cook basic meals, wash their own dishes and vacuum, although they donít do any of these things willingly. They still want to be pampered and cared for, even as they experiment with pushing their dad and me away as they become more independent.

They made me laugh. I made them laugh.

We got mad at each other and got over it, and I got to kiss each one of them goodnight nearly every night of their lives.

I think of all these things because of the 20 children in Sandy Hook who will not get to grow up.

Their parents wonít lose them a little at a time, watching them stretch from childhood into adulthood in a string of days and months and years that merge into a lifetime.

They lost them all at once, without warning, to an act of violence that has marked our nation. The days melt away as Christmas approaches.

As most families get closer to this joyful day, the Sandy Hook families get further away from the last time they hugged their children, heard their sonís voice or combed the tangles out of their daughterís hair.

This year, I will be grateful for that bittersweet feeling of knowing my children are a year older. The alternative is unimaginable.