Thursday, July 30, 2015

an amazing support system

The past year and a half has been full of ups and downs like never before. I've been so blessed and yet some days I wonder why I even keep trying. I have the best of intentions but I find myself constantly stuck in this funk of lethargy and ennui. I’ve been unemployed for over a year and it has taken its toll on me in every way imaginable. I struggle to set goals because at times nothing seems attainable anymore. I’ve gotten nearly every job I’ve ever applied for up to this point and yet over the course of this past year I’ve only been able to garner 5 interviews out of the hundreds of applications and resumes I’ve posted. I’ve applied for every kind of job under the sun but to no avail.

I thought being single and wishing for motherhood and fulfilment in love and all of those things was a hard trial to bear but in many ways this has been worse and the hardest thing I’ve had to go through. I’m so grateful for a supportive family and friends (and fiance!) who have fed and housed me and helped keep my spirits up while all of this has been going on because I would literally be on the street if it weren’t for their generosity. It’s opened my eyes to what so many others have gone through (and how broken so much of our society is, but that’s another rant for another day!) I’ve often overheard conversations or read people’s stories on-line and thought to myself “well, just go get a job!” I assumed that laziness or pickiness or personality faults or something had to have been a factor in their troubles. Yet, here I am, a punctual, responsible, team player with a master’s degree, years of varied experience and willingness to do just about anything and I’m not having much luck at all.

A few months ago I finally decided to go way out on a limb when a recruiter for an insurance agency called. The position is 100% commission sales and does absolutely nothing to play up to my strengths, in fact it’s a whole conglomeration of things I’m not very good at and don’t much enjoy at all. It’s hard work and so far has very little (read ‘almost no’) reward up to this point but the potential is there if I can just stick it out. The question is, whether I can make it on nothing but hope until I’ve built up enough of a base to get some sales that follow-through. It’s been an interesting challenge in a series of interesting challenges and it will be even more interesting to see how it all plays out especially while trying to plan and pay for a wedding.

I’m curious though, what is the hardest thing you’ve ever had to do? Was it a one-shot event that you had to muster up a burst of courage to attack (say, public speaking or confronting an enemy) or a long-term battle that needed a daily dose of daring and stamina over and over again (like a health crisis or a situation you were unable to leave)? How did you do it? What were your coping techniques? What got you through? I’ve had to increase my daily chocolate consumption and turn my music up a little louder with every listen and I’ve gotten pretty good at doing a mini-meditation in the few minutes of solitude I have in my car each day. But I’d love to expand my repertoire. Tell me how you find peace, sanity and courage in the midst of the madness of daily life and the darkness of the hard battles you have to fight.