Morning everyone. How much pathos did I get in that greeting? It's a little hard to express just how bad the hangover is from that gut-wrenching final session last night is when the only tools you have at your disposal are bold and italic.

In the particularly ropey edition of The Spin I wrote earlier this week [I admit it was done with a shocking hangover, the kind that comes once a year] I did manage to get one thing right. It just wasn't the positions of the apostrophes. "In fact, though English fans may have missed it in all the excitement, their team is actually as vulnerable now as it has been at any point since the first day of the first Test."

The reason I mention it, other than to boost my own sense of self-worth, is that I went on to discuss the Headingley Test of the 2009 Ashes. England were 1-0 up then as well, and knew they were only a win away from a series victory. They were even worse in that match than they have been in this one, conceding 445 after being bowled out for 102. By the end of the second day they were, uncannily, 82-5 (as opposed to their current 81-5) and still trailed by 261. The game was up. But the next morning Andy Flower called a team meeting. "This match is lost," he told the players. "But the preparation for the next Test starts now." Stuart Broad and Graeme Swann put on 108 runs in 12.3 overs. They tucked into Stuart Clark, who had tormented England in the first innings, with particular relish and they ended up with a score of 263, losing by an innings and 80 runs. But the tone for the next Test was set. They had showed that they would not wilt just because they had endured two bad days in a row. And of course you don't need me to tell you what happened at the Oval ten days later.

So the upshot is, what happens today matters. And England know that from personal experience. If they fold inside the first hour, then there are going to be very few positives to pluck from the wreckage. Bat on into the afternoon and at least they will have ended the match on a sweet note.

By the way, if they do make it that far there will be a complete and utter moratorium on emails from you lot saying things like 'how many more runs before we start thinking about England winni...'.

Ian Bell is one man with something to play for. If he makes it to fifty it will be his fifth in five successive Test innings. His injury in the summer meant that his hot run of form has seemed a little fragmented, but a surprisingly chipper Rob Smyth points out that since he scored that 140 in Durban last December Bell has scored 909 runs for England at an average of 82.63 in 13 Test innings.

England will face a few selection conundrums in the next few days. The decision to move Ian Bell up to no5 in the order should be one of the simpler ones. Far harder will be whether or not to give Steve Finn a break or not. He has bipolar statistics in the series so far. He has taken more wickets than anybody (14) but he his overs have also been more expensive (4.3 runs each) than everyone other than poor old Dougie Bollinger.

And then there's Paul Collingwood. For the first two Tests in this series he looked a little like a fireman with no fires to put out. Collingwood is a contingency player, you pick him as insurance in case things go wrong. In this match though, he has been able to do anything aboutthe sticky situation England have found themselves in. Since he scored 145 against Bangladesh in Chittagong last March his scores look like this: 3, 0, 82, 1, 28, 5, 3, 0, 4, 42, 5, 11. Ouch. That said, no, I wouldn't drop him.

As for Australia's line-up for the next Test, well the news is that Ricky Ponting has fractured the little finger on his left hand. The team haven't decided yet whether or not he will field today. But if it is even an option that he might do, then he will presumably be fit to play the next Test. In fact I imagine he will insist on it, given what he personally has at stake in this series.

Judging by the state of my inbox some of you folks need to go look up 'moratorium' in the dictionary. That means you, Jonny Sultoon. "Anderson 15, Bell 160*, Prior 87, Swann 33*, Extras 14. England win by 2 wickets." You know, I think I liked the England fans better when they were all miserable defeatists. I don't know what it is. All this optimism just rubs me up the wrong way.

Australia are out on the pitch, but Ricky Ponting is not with them. Michael Clarke is in charge. "With my usual immaculate timing this is the first night of this Test I'm actually awake, not otherwise engaged and able to send an email or two," says Phil Sawyer. "Have I missed anything? When do we hit the winning runs?"

Jimmy Anderson is going to get some serious heat here, and no word of a lie. The Australians are going to enjoy working him over after all the words he has had for them in the series so far. He's going to have to deal with Mitchell Johnson first up.

28th over: England 85-5 (Anderson 3, Bell 0) Three slips, two gullies and Johnson opens with a pair of bouncers that whizz past Jimmy's head. He's between a a rock and the proverbial is Jimmy, because he is not going to get much sympathy from the English press after his batting last night. He turned down a single of the penultimate ball of the day, sending Paul Collingwood back to the striker's end. Of course Colly got out next ball. Vic Marks was quite kind about it in the Observer, describing it as "a marginal single, justifiably rejected by the nightwatchman", but elsewhere in the press he has been slated, notably by Scyld Berry in the Sunday Telegraph. Anyway, here he has started by punching the first runs of the day away to extra cover.

29th over: England 89-5 (Anderson 3, Bell 4) And at the other end it's Ryan Harris. Bell beautifully drives his third ball away for four to extra cover. Intriguingly Atherton is saying that Greg Chappell gave an interview yesterday in which he said that Australia were not at all sure about who should take over the captaincy from Ponting, Clarke, they think, is just not in "the right place mentally". Vic has written a piece picking up on suggestions that he might be have been leapfrogged by Shane Watson. A good email this, from Rajesh Balasubramanian. "I think there is a parallel to 2005 Ashes here (dont know whether this has been mentioned before). The on-paper favourite wins the first decisive match comfortably, tall-thin fast bowler injures himself, key player puts in good all-round performance, crucial batsman gets out right at the stroke of day 4. If England make this one look like a close contest and lose, the parallel could evolve further." Broad is not McGrath, but I take your point Rajesh.

31st over: England 94-5 (Anderson 3, Bell 9) That's a good looking shout for an lbw, but Australia opt not to refer it. Bell was trying to flick the ball to leg, but it swung back inside the bat and hit him high on the pad in front of leg stump. And that is a sweet shot, the kind that makes the connoisseurs purr, a late cut for four past backward point. The next isn't so good. - it squirts away off the inside edge for a single.

WICKET! Anderson 3 b Harris (England 94-6) Well there's one of them. Anderson is undone by an inswinger from Harris. He offered a rather abject defensive prod to a ball that slanted across towards the off stump after pitching on leg. It splattered his stumps all across the turf. That's Harris' sixth wicket in the match, for just 90 runs. "Why watch?" asks James Wrout. "I'm here because I want to see Bell batting beautifully. How many other batsmen would I get up this early for when the gale is effectively over? Sehwag? ABdV? My internet stream is about 5 minutes behind, though, so he's probably got out by the time you get this."

32nd over: England 94-6 (Bell 9, Prior 0) Bell is beaten by a ball that slides across him, passing perilously close to his outside edge. As Atherton points out - this is the problem for England now. In the first Test they were able to leave deliveries like that one from Johnson well alone, secure in the knowledge that they could do no harm. But now he has started to move the ball back in the batsmen have to play at them to try and cover the swing, which means they are far more likely to nick off to the slips.

33rd over: England 104-6 (Bell 9, Prior 10) "No optimism from me," says Alfred Moore. "We're going to lose, and probably within the first hour of play. But I still expect a close series. We always knew (or we should have known) that our batting is pretty weak other than on flat pitches against flat bowling, and Perth has just shown it again. Fortunately for us, this is the last sporting wicket of the tour - the next two tests will suit the flat track plodding of our top order, and I think we'll win at least one of them. One draw, and that's the Ashes in the bag." It all sounds so easy when I copy and paste it onto the page, Alfred. After what we've seen this week I imagine the curators at Melbourne and Sydney will be wondering whether it is too late to scatter some more grass seed on their wickets. Prior launches a six up and over Haddin's head. He was aiming through square leg, but made a mess of the shot.

34th over: England 111-6 (Bell 16, Prior 10) Bell pats eases a drive away to extra cover. He stops to admire what seems set to be a certain four before it dawns on him that Peter Siddle has will chase the ball down before it crosses the rope. There's still time to sprint two. He doesn't need to run for the next one though, it races away to wide third man for four. A single from the sixth ball, driven uppishly to point, means he wll keep the strike.

REFERRAL! Bell 16 lbw Harris (England 114-7) Bell's done by an in-dipper. He's toast. Kicked the bucket. Bought the farm. The referral is just a formality. And hardly one worth bothering - the ball would have hit the middle of middle stump. Harris is bowling well here.He has 4-41, the best figures of his brief Test career. Swann is in and the end is nigh. He whips his first ball away to mid-wicket for three.

WICKET! Prior 10 c Hussey b Harris (England 114-8) That's a stinker of a shot, but a beauty of a catch by Hussey in the gully. It was a short ball, again, and Prior flailed at it. Harris has his first-ever five for, and he celebrates by raising the ball into the air. England have capitulated in truly sorry fashion here. It's almost as if they didn't even read my preamble before the start of play. Australia on the other hand have lots of little positives to draw on - Harris is bowling well, and they've clearly figured out how to bowl to Matt Prior. Now all they need is to break Swann's spinning finger and their work will be done.

36th over: England 120-8 (Swann 9, Tremlett 0) Swann top-edges a four away to third man. He may as well enjoy himself while it lasts. Not that it lasts long.

WICKET! Swann 9 b Johnson (England 120-9) Swann throws a drive at a full ball and only edges into his own stumps. D'oh. Johnson needs one more for ten wickets in the match. "As for Bell, well, I got the "1" and "6" right," says Jonny Sultoon. "The less said about the "0" and the "*" the better. Goodnight."

36th over: England 123-9 (Tremlett 1, Finn 2) I should warn you, readers, that I've had eight hours sleep in the last 48 hours and so I'm on a short fuse. And there is something about this email from Lee James that sticks in my craw: "Are you still confident of this newfound toughness? The sticking around for an hour to pick up some momentum hasn't really panned out. We still have serious deficiences in our batting that were hidden by the wicket and top order in Adelaide." Yes. That's right. Never mind that this team won the Ashes in 2009. And drew a series in South Africa, twice holding on for draws when they were nine wickets down. On the evidence of this one match we should revise out entire opinion of their achievements and write them off as feeble and deficient.

WICKET! Finn 2 c Smith b Harris (England 123) This shambles is all over. Finn slices a catch to third slip. Australia have won the third Test by 267 runs and the Ashes are level, 1-1 with two games to play. England lasted just ten overs today.

Harris leads Australia off, waving a stump above his head as he goes. He finishes with Test-best figures of 6-47, meaning that he and Johnson have taken 18 wickets between them in the match. Looks like Australia have finally figured out what their best bowling attack is.

Happy birthday Ricky. He's just turned 36. And as a special OBO treat for the great man and his nation, we will allow one more email like this from one of his countrymen. "Is this the worst Australian side ever?" says Mark White, quoting the Guardian poll from two days ago. "No." No indeed. The question the Graun has to ask now now has to be 'Is this the worst England side ever?'*

*That's a joke. I hope.

I'll stick around to bring you a few of the postprandial rigmarole. Some interesting words from Bumble, who says that "Andy Flower has admitted in private that his batsmen were spooked and unable to cope" by the pace of this pitch. He also reveals that the Test pitch due to be used at the MCG has been switched to one nearby that might just be a little greener and a little quicker. Australia's plan is to take Swann out of the game and bombard England out of the game with their battery of fast bowlers.

"I didn't intend to aggravate you," says Lee James. "It's just the first nights' play I've been able to catch of this Test." Really, you poor sod. "It's more perhaps that I am uncomfortable with the lack of respect for Test cricket that the 'best every English team', unbeaten predictions etc has shown- not from yourself I might add! I miss the appreciation of greyness that seems to be disappearing from sporting (and life) analysis and all the time this 'toughness' word seems to be used, but I think it's a little overplayed is all." Lee, that's a very fair point. Sorry I bit your head off. I was just anticipating the onrush of idiotic reaction to this Test that we're going to be treated to next week. As you so eloquently say, "the appreciation of greyness that seems to be disappearing from sporting analysis."

Here's Ricky: "we've had a lot of doubters over the last few weeks but the way we were playing we knew we could turn things around pretty quickly." He says he has a pretty good chance of playing in Melbourne.

And Andy Strauss: "We came here fully expecting to play the same sort of cricket we played in Adelaide but we didn't replicate that ... our batting in both innings was sub-par ... but one bad defeat doesn't make you a bad team over night, we've already played a lot of good cricket on this tour ... when the momentum shifted against us we weren't able to grab it back again, when we lost one or two wickets we went on to lose three or four, so that's something we have got to look at. But one thing I would say is that now is not the time to panic. It is a case of keeping a calm head and making sure we do the right things in our preparation for Melbourne."

Right, think I'll wrap this up now. Thanks for your emails and company over the last few days. On to Melbourne. See you back here in a week or so. Cheerio and merry Christmas.