John:
Lindsay Lohan falls back on Marilyn Monroe (again) for Spanish Vogue. I officially feel bad for this girl. She’s broke and she’s not Marilyn Monroe. Two worse things I can’t think of. What is Spanish Vogue anyway? I don’t even know what that means.

John:
When all else fails, dye your hair back to it’s original color. Lindsay Logan has returned to her ‘firecrotch’ roots this afternoon. The curtains match the carpet and all is right with the world. That might be a little overstated considering Lilo’s recent breakup, her lack of any career, and impending jailtime but hey, the new hairdo looks fantastic!

John:
Lindsay Lohan is seen here talking on the phone with nobody, she’s just trying to look busy. Seriously though, Lilo has had a rough couple years but I think Linsday will be back on top in no time. I really do. Why are people laughing? I’m serious. Hey! I said I was serious. Man, you’re lucky she’s not here right now. If Lindsay saw you laughing like this, it would really hurt her feelings.

John:
Lohan will become a porker who marries Mini-Me. I saw it in the stars and there is little that can be done. After Lindsay was kicked off the Ugly Betty set, there isn’t much left for her to do except eat and wear moon boots. I don’t know where Lindsay is here but I assume she’s not going to a job of any kind.

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