Little Debbie Oatmeal Creme Pies

In the beginning there was nothing… then there were Little Debbie Oatmeal Creme Pies. I don’t know of a single person who doesn’t thoroughly enjoy these things. Those who don’t deserves a swirly in a toilet that’s been upper-decked (for you super white folks that don’t know what upper-decking is… go Google it real quick and meet back up with us). But folks, what we have here is magic in a cellophane wrapper. The cookie part is like what would happen if an oatmeal cookie and brown sugar made sweet love and melted their naughty bits together down by the fire. Sweet, chewy melted naughty bits. Mmmmmm. But what really sets the LDOCP off is the cream (or “creme” if you’re a fancy-pants) between the cookies. It’s a swift sugary and marshmallowy kick to the sack that then strokes your hair and tells you that it hurt you only because it loves you. Combine the sweetly smooth cream and the chewy brown sugar/oatmeal cookie-coitus… and you get what is the equivalent of playing Super Nintendo and Sega Genesis at the same time while traveling at the speed of light in a dinosaur shaped rocket while throwing the horns and listening to Motorhead’s Inferno: PURE FUCKING AWESOMENESS. You only live once, so you better stuff your gut full of these things and buy the biggest TV you can. If you’re a real badass… you have an OCP tattooed on your ass next to the Pilbury Doughboy and Mrs. Buttersworth.

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