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Wednesday, 2 May 2018

The Importance of Boundaries in Relationships

In
the early days of a relationship when everything is perfect, it can
feel like you give everything you have to your partner. You truly
allow yourself to be vulnerable and put your heart into their hands,
just hoping and praying that they won’t break it. This ‘honeymoon
period’ can last anywhere from six months to a year, where
everything feels very exciting and new, and you’re very aware of
your partner’s feelings. Eventually we progress to a more settled
and deeper love, however some problems can come with this. We may
start to take our partner for granted, or do things that aren’t in
their best interests. This can be from selfishness or just
carelessness on our part. One thing than often happens is we push
each other’s boundaries which can lead to resentment and feeling
disrespected.

It’s
not always in a huge way, it doesn’t always mean things like
domestic violence or any other kind of abuse. It can be small things
that gradually wear you down, and in time have you searching for the
number of a divorce
lawyer.
If you want to give your relationship a fighting chance, you need to
respect each other’s boundaries. Here’s what you need to know.

The
first step to respecting each other’s boundaries is to communicate
what these are. In many cases, these things will only come to light
once the mark has been over stepped- so early on in the relationship
it’s about getting to know each other. Work out what you both find
acceptable and if something happens that you’re not happy about be
sure to have a chat about it. For example, you might think it’s
fine to go and meet an old flame from your past for a drink, because
know that there’s nothing more to it. But this could be something
that your partner thinks is unacceptable in a relationship. Even if
they trust you completely, it’s something that could be seen as
hurtful, and overstep the boundaries of what they find acceptable in
a relationship.

Compromise

Relationships
are all about give and take.
Being flexible and reaching a compromise that works for the both of
you is always the best result. Take the example of you wanting to
meet an old flame for a drink, how about arranging a double date with
their partner and yours? This way nothing feels secretive and you
still get to catch up on old times. Compromise will sometimes mean
you having to accept things that they don't like (even if it feels
silly to you) and them having to do the same for you.

Sometimes
two people are just too different. If you both have views and
boundaries that don’t match up, you will be constantly hurting each
other’s feelings with neither of you even feeling like you’ve
done anything wrong. If for example one
of you is very jealous and insecure,
just about anything that the other does could be construed as
overstepping boundaries when really you’ve done nothing wrong.
Sometimes we have to accept each other quirks and views even though
they don’t align with our own views. But if it’s constantly a
case of you feeling as though you’ve done something wrong they are
controlling your life, then it’s time to walk away.