Summary: Last episode ever! Whee! Donna’s at the After Dark, discussing wedding-reception details with Nat and Noah. She says she and David sent an invitation to Ellen but hasn’t heard back. Apparently Donna and David’s friends are throwing them their reception, which is the best advantage of having friends in the restaurant business. Since Dr. Martin is dead, Donna has no one to walk her down the aisle, so she asks Nat to do it instead. Nat says that’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever asked him to do.

Steve helps Janet with an article, assuring her that Charles will like her ideas for Nouveau. He’s right – Charles wants Janet to be the new editor. Janet’s too overwhelmed to be happy; this means tons more work and less time with Maddy. She tries to remind herself that she’s gotten what she wanted. At David’s house, he and Donna look through RSVPs (Andrea and Valerie are coming to the wedding; Brandon and Gina aren’t). Donna worries that they’re doing things too quickly, which means not everyone can come. She decides it’s the non-attending guests’ loss.

At the beach apartment, Kelly worries to Steve that their lives are like a Stephen King novel and something awful is lurking around the corner. Steve tells her that their friends are awesome, which means their lives are awesome, etc. Then he reveals that Matt’s leaving for New York the next day, so he won’t be at the wedding. Dylan arrives and asks Kelly if she wants to dance, for some reason. She wants to wait. She’s still a little annoyed that he kept Matt’s secret from her, but not so annoyed that she won’t let him nuzzle her. So I guess they’re back together?

Steve takes Janet to an empty office building, telling her that he thinks they’re both looking for balance in their lives. He wants to rent an office in the building and run a publication together. They’ll have room for Maddy, so they can work and spend time with her at the same time. Janet’s worried about taking another big risk, but she wants to give it a try.

Donna’s bachelorette party is pretty tame, considering Felice, Jackie, and Ms. Teasley are among the guests. Andrea presents the bride with a video message from Brandon, who calls her “baby” and tells her to give his love to Kelly. Kelly says he’s “still disgustingly cute,” so someone needs to get her eyes checked. Andrea serves ice cream and popcorn, which Donna remembers eating at Brenda’s sleepover way back in season 1. No one mentions whether Brenda’s coming to the wedding. Valerie arrives with a giant box of condoms. Thanks, Val.

Over at the Walsh house, the guests for the bachelor party include Mel and Muntz. Brandon has a video message for the groom as well, taunting David for having to wait so long to have sex with Donna. Shut up, Brandon. Valerie has a game for Donna, “Pin the Macho on the Man.” (I think she only said “macho” because Donna’s mom is there.) Donna has to shoot a Nerf dart at a picture of David, and she misses horribly. Surprisingly, Felice wants to play.

Kelly shares with Janet that Steve was her first love (though she was only 15 at the time). She asks if Steve ever growls or barks during foreplay. Valerie recognizes those sounds. Janet asks if anyone in the room hasn’t slept with Steve. Everyone but Kelly raises her hand, though Ms. Teasley doesn’t hear the question. Felice pins the macho right on the man. I’m going to be sick. Ryan shows up at the bachelor party with a stripper named Kiki who turns out to be a guy in drag. Thanks for your contribution, Ryan.

Suddenly it’s the day of the wedding, which takes place in a church but is officiated by both a priest and a rabbi. Erin’s the flower girl. Janet and Kelly are bridesmaids, allowing Steve and Dylan to admire their significant others in dressy clothes. Nat gives away Donna and her cleavage. Dylan reads a passage from Letters to a Young Poet about marriage being a partnership where each partner is “the guardian of his solitude.” Then they learn to see each other as part of a whole. Matt arrives late and stands at the back of the church.

Kelly reads the Elizabeth Barrett Browning “how do I love thee?” poem, so way to be original, guys. Matt gets uncomfortable and leaves. David and Donna exchange original vows, with him talking about how he feels he’s loved her his whole life, and her saying that he’s inspirational and gives her the courage to be herself. They both cry. Then they recite traditional vows and cry more. Rings! Kiss! They’re married!

The reception is held at the Beverly Hilton. Steve is allowed to talk. Donna and David share their first dance to a live performance by Eric Benet and Tamia. Matt makes another appearance, having delayed his departure for New York to talk to Kelly. They were supposed to get married and live happily ever after. He thought that they could get past all of their problems, even the Dylan-related ones. But after hearing Dylan and Kelly’s readings at the wedding, he realized that they have a good connection after all. Matt thinks Kelly made the right choice, and he’s happy for her.

Noah dances with the bride, telling her he was thinking about moving away. Now, though, he thinks he might be able to give Ellen the commitment she wants. He ducks out to go talk to her. Donna asks Andrea about Hannah, who’s playing T-ball. David shares a nice moment with Valerie. The cake is cut, and no one smashes it in anyone’s face, which is nice. Kelly gives a toast, talking about how horrified she was when her and David’s parents first got together. But now she loves him, not least because he’s turned Donna into her sister.

Donna throws her bouquet, which Kelly catches (and it looks like that was the plan). Later, she and David toast to the gang, then dance some more. For the second time in the episode, Dylan asks Kelly to dance. This time, she doesn’t want to wait. Dancing montage! Everyone’s having a good time! David doesn’t embarrass himself, for once! Then the episode ends, and these people are out of our lives!

Thoughts: I have watched every single episode of this godforsaken show. All I know is it went on at least three seasons too long.

Andrea’s hair looks cute for the first time in the entire series. It’s very 2000.

So Valerie’s close enough to Donna and David to come to the wedding? Even though David’s her ex? And no one’s mentioned her for two years? Okay.

The bridesmaids’ dresses are a great shade of purple. Nice choice, Donna.

David’s mother doesn’t appear, and no one mentions her, so I hope she’s okay.

Remember Tamia? No? She had that…song? About…love? Okay, I don’t remember her either. But she’s married to Grant Hill now, so good for her.

February 13, 2016

Summary: Donna rushes home to meet Kelly after Matt’s brother’s funeral in New York. She announces that David proposed, and since she’s wearing the ring, I’d say she accepted. She didn’t accept at first because she was surprised, not because she wasn’t sure about marrying him. Dylan and David dig something on the beach outside the apartment, talking about Dylan’s upcoming graduation from CU. He doesn’t want to make a big deal out of it, though.

Steve joins the other guys, who explain that they’re creating a message to declare David’s love for Donna. Steve’s able to commiserate over not having his first proposal accepted, since Janet took her time with him. Apparently Donna hasn’t actually said yes yet, as David thinks he still needs to convince her. So why did he give her the ring? I’m confused. Whatever – second-to-last episode!

Steve’s still annoyed with Janet’s job and how it’s turned him into a stay-at-home dad. Matt arrives in the middle of a fight between them to talk to Steve about his sister-in-law, who’s pregnant. Steve’s sad that her child will have to grow up without her father. David’s message, “I LOVE DONNA,” has been partly destroyed by beachgoers, so now it says “I LOVE DON.” She still hasn’t accepted the proposal. This is weird.

At the Beat, Janet’s boss, Charles, tells her to work on some report about the new magazine. Janet’s confused as to why she needs to compete with Ada, a woman who works on all of Charles’ new acquisitions. Noah and Ellen hang out with Caitlin, who’s been asking her mother questions about her relationship with Noah. Ellen wants to know where they stand, too, since she doesn’t want Noah to bond with Caitlin and then disappear from her life. She wants a commitment.

Ryan’s back in Beverly Hills, so at least Steve has someone to hang out with. He complains to Donna and Ryan about the family’s new work arrangements; they think he should just enjoy his time with his daughter for now. When Janet gets home, she confides in Donna that the job isn’t as great as she’d expected. She’s considering changing her mind about the sale, but she doesn’t want to have another fight with Steve about it. Donna worries about marriage not being 100% fun.

At the beach apartment, Matt tells Kelly that he feels like he has a responsibility to help his sister-in-law with the baby, since his brother can’t be there. David redoes his “I LOVE DONNA” message, telling Donna he already knows that he’s being a perfectionist. That’s exactly what she was worrying about with regards to marriage – that she had an ideal in mind and things aren’t going to turn out perfect. Now, though, Donna knows that she can commit completely to David, and she wants to marry him.

Steve spends another day with Maddy, wishing he had a more interesting life. Then she says her first word, “Dada,” so now he’s happy. Kelly sees David’s sand message and calls him to tell him how sweet it is, and how lucky Donna is to have him. David tells her that Dylan’s graduating that day. Steve wakes Janet (who spent the night on the couch), suddenly sporting a new attitude about their lives. He’s realized how lucky they are and decided to run with it.

At the Peach Pit, Noah teaches Nat how to tie some kind of knot. This is certainly a good use of their salaries. Matt arrives and asks Noah a little about how tough Ellen has it as a single mother. He wants to know what his sister-in-law will be facing without her husband. Noah says he doesn’t know how Caitlin feels about not having a father. Matt and Noah commiserate over living lives that they never thought they would live.

Kelly stops by the hotel, where Dylan quickly guesses that David told her about his graduation. She promises not to tell the rest of the gang if he lets her attend. Dylan wants to keep it private, so Kelly offers to take him to dinner instead. She’s proud of him for seeing his education all the way through. Ada chats with Charles about her report, making Janet feel uneasy. Steve and Ryan try to cheer her by sending her pictures of Maddy from an amusement park.

Matt watches a father and son fish, then meets Kelly for lunch. She loves the way he takes care of things for people and makes them look simple. He tells her that they’re a team now, so they’ll make decisions together. Kelly, however, knows that they’re not going to see eye to eye on what he wants: He wants to parent the baby with his sister-in-law.

David and Donna have spent the whole day in bed, and are now discussing whether or not she should change her name when they get married. He says no, since her clothing line has her name, but she likes the idea of having the same last name as their future kids. She asks if David wishes they hadn’t spent the past few years apart, but he likes things they way they’ve happened.

Kelly meets Dylan for dinner, ranting that Matt is an awesome guy and Dylan is…not as awesome, but still someone she’s drawn to. She knows Matt will never let her down, and Dylan promises the same about himself. They spend the night talking, and in the morning, Kelly avoids telling Matt who she was with. Dylan thinks she’s marrying him for the wrong reasons.

Donna and David continue their sex/eating-in-bed marathon, then decide they should tell their families they’re engaged. Donna goes first, calling Felice. Kelly tells Matt that she thinks he should act on his idea of parenting the baby with his sister-in-law. Oh, and she can’t marry him. She tells him she talked to Dylan, leading Matt to think that he told Kelly about his fling in the desert. This is brand-new information for Kelly. Oops!

Steve visits Janet at work to tell her the sale of the paper is official. He’s pleased that she made the right decision from the start. She’s not so sure anymore. Ellen’s late getting home from work, so Noah’s been on his own with her. He tells her that he can’t commit to her right now, despite how much he likes her; things are just moving too quickly. Ellen can’t slow them down, so that’s it for them, I guess.

Dylan goes by the beach apartment, where Kelly confronts him for keeping Matt’s secret. She thinks this is a good example of why she and Dylan will never work out. Dylan maintains that he was just minding his own business and being a friend. That’s not going to help Kelly when she’s just had her heart broken.

Thoughts: I love that they didn’t bother to come up with an actual title for this episode. “What’s that word that means second-to-last? Just call it that.”

Dylan can’t go to his graduation alone and have no one clap for him! That’s sad!

Other than the cheating and lying, Matt was a pretty great guy, right? Wow, did I really say that?

Summary: The newly reunited David and Donna leg-wrestle to decide what to do for date night. They’ll probably end up just having sex, which I think means they both win. Noah accidentally interrupts, then quickly leaves. David doesn’t think Noah’s too surprised to see them back together. Donna thinks Camille, who’s been out of town, will be. David accepts the job of breaking the news to her, so when Donna sees Camille the next day, she tries to avoid bringing it up. Camille thinks David’s been trying to reach her because he wants to get back together.

Maddy has a tooth. This is the storyline Steve and Janet have been reduced to. Janet hates that she has to miss time with her daughter since she’s still working. Steve urges her to tell the new management at the paper know that she wants to scale back at work. Kelly and Donna go lingerie shopping and talk about Dylan. Kelly decides to have a talk with him, but Donna says she’ll have to wait; Dylan will be surfing all day.

Noah goes to an AA meeting and talks about how he lost Donna because of his drinking, and drank because he lost her. Ellen overhears and mopes about him talking about his great love for his ex. She decides to go to meetings somewhere else. Steve goes to the Beat to see Janet and realizes that she didn’t talk to her boss, Charles, about working fewer hours. That’s because he offered her a job at a magazine called Nouveau. Steve doesn’t like the idea of them both leaving the Beat. Plus, running a magazine probably wouldn’t require any fewer hours than Janet’s already working.

Noah and Ellen, blah blah. Do I really have to recap them anymore? Does anyone care? Long story short: Ellen has a list of responsibilities in her life, and she wants to keep it simple. I guess Noah’s not on the list. Camille returns to the boutique after seeing David and confronts Donna for not telling her that David didn’t want to get back together. Things get worse for her when Donna notes that working together would be way too awkward, so maybe she should buy Camille out. Camille would rather stay busy, even if it means working with her ex’s new girlfriend.

On the way somewhere with Matt, Kelly hears on the radio that a surfer died at the beach where Dylan was going to surf all day. She gets Matt to take her to the beach, where she thinks she recognizes Dylan’s car. Donna visits David in the radio booth at the After Dark, probably the only interaction they’ll have that night, since he’s working late. She visits with Steve instead, talking about how Donna’s able to balance her work and personal lives while Janet is struggling. Steve urges her to prioritize what she wants to be important.

Kelly and Matt go to the morgue to try to find out if Dylan was the fatality at the beach. Just then, Dylan calls Kelly to report that he went on a no-destination train trip instead of surfing. Kelly’s ticked that he went away without a plan, but relieved that he’s okay. Over at David’s, Noah decides it’s time to move out so he doesn’t have to see Donna and David together. David thinks he’s making a mistake, especially since he’s already isolated himself from the rest of the group so much.

Dylan runs into Matt and Kelly at the Peach Pit, and she admits that she was worried about him. He asks her what she’s doing with her life. Kelly insists that she loves Matt, even though it’s obvious she still loves Dylan. Janet has a hectic day at work and comes home to find a personal photo to use for a story. Steve announces that he misses working at the paper, and he especially misses working with Janet. He’s changed his mind about selling.

Donna goes to David’s house for a date, but Camille’s there, having a tearful conversation with her ex. Donna decides it would be better if she left. Ellen and Noah are at a batting cage. I fall asleep, wake up, get a snack, wash my hair, and come back to find them still talking about nothing. Donna and Kelly mope together at the beach apartment over very different problems: Donna’s having trouble returning to her past, and Kelly’s having trouble moving into the future. Donna’s not sure David sees her as more than a friend anymore, or maybe even a sister.

Janet’s thought about Steve’s idea not to sell the paper, and she’s decided that they should stick with their current arrangements. He reminds her that she’s going to miss a lot of moments in Maddy’s life if she keeps working so many hours. Her job might be a good fit for her, but Steve and Maddy aren’t benefiting. Camille wants to talk to Donna about her breakup, but Donna can’t be her shoulder to cry on anymore. Camille realizes that they also can’t work together, so she’ll need to accept Donna’s buyout offer.

Kelly wants to talk to Dylan, who can’t find it in himself to be happy for her and Matt. She tells him she can’t have him in her life without imagining losing him, whether it’s to another woman or to addiction. He knows that no matter what they do, they won’t get anywhere beyond friendship. If I have to watch another Ellen/Noah scene, I’m going to take up drinking. To cut to the chase: She’s putting him on her list of things to do. Wait, that sounds weird. Whatever, they can date.

Matt shows up at the beach apartment in shock, having learned that his brother was killed in a car accident. Kelly promises to help him get through his grief. Donna’s not sure David really wants to be a couple again, so she tells him to be straightforward with her. He shows her what he wrote in their high school yearbook about her being in his future. He vowed to get her to marry him someday. Donna’s stunned when David pulls out a ring and proposes. She tells him she needs time to think before she gives an answer.

Thoughts: How are there only two episodes left? How have I watched almost ten entire seasons of this show?

I’m watching The People v. O.J. Simpson and reading The Run of His Life, so when Ellen mentioned Brentwood, I started laughing.

Noah and Ellen are so boring that even hearing Matt and Kelly discuss wedding plans is more interesting.

It’s so obvious that they want to end the series with a wedding – why else have David propose so quickly?

Summary: Donna takes a break from work at the Peach Pit, complaining to David that things are crazy without Camille. Donna gave her the week off so she can recover from her breakup with David. She and David make plans to have dinner and see a movie. A friend of Matt’s has recommended him for a job in Seattle, and Kelly’s nervous that accepting it would lead to big life changes for them. They tell Dylan that they’re getting married in August, but Dylan isn’t that excited for them.

Steve and Janet meet with a guy named Charles who’s interested in buying the Beverly Beat. He offers $750,000, wanting a paper on the West Coast, since his others are on the East Coast. He needs someone to handle the editorial side of things, but nothing else, which means Janet would keep her job, but Steve would have to leave his. Steve’s tempted by the money.

Felice visits Donna at the boutique to announce that she’s selling the Martins’ house. Donna objects to the idea of her mother living in a condo or an apartment. She’s also unhappy at the thought of losing her childhood home. Ellen was supposed to visit her daughter, Caitlin, but her mother canceled the visit. Noah thinks her mother still recognizes that Ellen’s trying to improve her life. He thinks Ellen drinks because she feels guilty for not being a better mom. If she gets better, the guilt will go away.

At the After Dark, Steve and Janet weigh the pros and cons of selling the paper. Pros: more money and more time that Steve gets to spend with Maddy. Con: Steve and Janet won’t work together. She’s proud of the way he’s built up the paper, which has put them in the position to become financially secure. She thinks they should start the process of selling; they can stop it if they decide it’s the wrong move. Steve agrees.

Dylan joins Matt and Kelly at the club, telling them he’ll definitely come to the wedding. He wants to give them their wedding present early – two open-ended plane tickets so Kelly can take a trip around the world like she’s always wanted. She tells Matt that’s not something she wants anymore.

At the beach apartment, Donna tells David that she’s happy that Felice is moving on with her life, but it’s tough for her to say goodbye to the house. It makes her feel like she has to say goodbye to part of her childhood. She has so many memories of her father there. David and Donna reminisce about the Martins’ Christmas trees, which just makes Donna realize that she’ll never spend another Christmas in the house.

The next morning, Steve gets started in his new role as stay-at-home dad, making breakfast and accepting a list of errands from Janet. He feels emasculated, so Janet tells him to speak up if he decides this is a bad arrangement. As if Steve needs permission to complain about something.

David and Donna wake up on the couch together at the beach apartment, having fallen asleep watching TV. He tells her that he decided not to take the job in New York because he realized how much he would be leaving behind in Beverly Hills. They almost kiss, but Donna decides it’s a bad idea. First they need to think about their friendship and how it would be changed with romance. David agrees that they shouldn’t risk it.

Ellen takes Noah to meet her mother (and help convince her that Ellen is making progress in her recovery). He also meets Caitlin, who’s really cute and very excited to play with Noah. At the Peach Pit, Donna tells Kelly about the agreement she and David came to. Dylan joins them, so Donna makes an excuse to give them time alone. Kelly tells Dylan that she doesn’t appreciate his gift, since she sees it as an attempt to remind her that they used to be close.

Steve takes Maddy to David’s house so he can have a break from parenting (and complain about all the work he’s had to do all day). He also wants to pass along the message that Janet found a woman to fix David up with. David isn’t interested but decides to humor the Sanderses.

At home, Kelly pushes Donna to get back together with her ex, not getting why the two of them are so resistant. Donna would rather talk about where Kelly and Dylan stand. Kelly claims that she gave Dylan the marriage ultimatum to push him away. Donna says she really likes Matt and would love to see him and Kelly together, but Kelly won’t be truly happy until she and Dylan straighten things out.

Matt and Kelly go tux shopping, and when he mentions the plane tickets, she tells him she turned them down. Matt thinks that they should “start over,” even if he doesn’t get the job offer. She promises to think about it. David offers to go to the Martins’ house with Donna and help her go through her old things.

Noah goes to Ellen’s mother’s place, having planned to meet Ellen there. Her mother notes that she’s not very reliable, so he shouldn’t expect her to actually show up. Noah wants to know why Ellen’s mother keeps fighting her about Caitlin when she recognizes that Ellen is working to improve her life. Ellen’s mother says that Caitlin needs consistency, and Ellen has never demonstrated that. Noah isn’t the first of Ellen’s boyfriends to come around like this.

David takes Donna to the Martins’ house for the first time since her father died. Inside, Felice, Kelly, Matt, and Dylan are decorating a Christmas tree. David explains that he wanted to give her one last Christmas in the house. Steve comes in from the other room with Maddy, having turned a beer hat into a bottle hat for his daughter. Everyone laughs at him, but it’s not a horrible idea, really.

Matt takes a break with Dylan, saying that he thinks Dylan has kept his mouth shut about Amy partly because he doesn’t want to hurt Kelly and partly because he thinks she and Matt should be together. He assures Dylan that things might get easier for him, since Matt and Kelly may be leaving Beverly Hills. Dylan won’t have to see them together all the time anymore.

The next day, Kelly and Matt check out a possible venue for their wedding reception, but she can see that he’s distant. He admits that he didn’t get the job in Seattle. She tells him that if he had, she would have encouraged him to take it. Matt thinks they should move to Seattle anyway. Kelly resists leaving without having something to move for. She thinks he’s just trying to run away from Dylan. Matt asks her to just do it for him, but Kelly doesn’t like being tested.

Noah meets up with Ellen, who wants to know where he looked for her when she didn’t show up at her mom’s. She knows that he looked for her at bars. Ellen claims that she was late because she was getting Caitlin a coloring book. She was only 15 minutes late, and Noah immediately assumed the worst. Ellen can’t handle more stress in her life when she’s trying to focus on her daughter. She’ll have to leave Noah behind.

The Martins’ house has already sold, and Felice is excited for a new family to enjoy the place. She knows that Dr. Martin would be happy that she and Donna are moving on. Donna wants to feel more comfortable with it. She also wishes she could talk to her father about things like work and Kelly’s upcoming wedding. Felice thinks she could be a good substitute. She offers to fix Donna up with someone, and Donna reluctantly accepts. Felice is sure that she and the guy will hit it off.

Janet comes home from work late to see that everything has gone smoothly with Steve and Maddy, despite all the work Steve had to do. Janet’s sad that she had to be apart from her daughter all day. Donna goes on her fix-up date, which happens to be with David. They say over and over that going from friendship back to a relationship would be a mistake, but their resolve is slipping. They finally kiss.

Dylan summons Kelly to a bridge to ask if she’s leaving Beverly Hills because of him. She swears that if she goes, it won’t have anything to do with him. He reminds her that she tried to get him to commit. He wants to change his decision. Kelly tells him it’s too late and tries to leave. Dylan asks why it’s too late, but she can’t give a good answer.

Thoughts: Jennie Garth directed this episode. Pretend you care.

As someone whose family moved out of their longtime home not that long ago, I feel for Donna. It’s weird thinking of other people living where you grew up.

How does the boutique do such great business when Donna keeps closing it whenever she wants?

Noah, find a new pet project. This one is boring.

Felice wants Donna and David to be together? It’s a fake Christmas miracle!

Summary: Donna’s on another date with Mitch, who almost has her website ready to go. She’s nervous since time is running out, but he knows what he’s doing. He gives her an electronic planner with two more dates already scheduled. At the beach apartment, Kelly tells Matt that her father’s coming to town and wants to have dinner with them. Matt’s a little nervous about undergoing scrutiny from his future father-in-law, so Kelly reminds him that Bill is an ex-con and a horrible father, so the bar’s pretty low. Of course, she doesn’t know that Matt isn’t that great of a guy either.

Steve checks out the Internet, wishing that he and Janet were making money from Internet stocks. He contemplates investing in Donna’s website, but Janet says they can’t afford it. They can’t risk a bad investment now that they have a child. The photo shoot for Donna’s website is delayed because the model’s late, so she’s nervous again. Dylan completes the process of becoming an LLC, then cautions his accountant (or whoever the guy is) not to pursue Camille.

With the model nowhere in sight and time running out, Dylan suggests that Camille do the job. Donna agrees, but David reminds his girlfriend that she’s a businesswoman, not “eye candy.” Camille says that since she’s a businesswoman, she’s making a business decision and modeling the clothes. Meanwhile, there’s a launch party scheduled for the next night at the After Dark, and Noah’s excited about it. He wishes he had a big investment with money coming to him. Steve does, too. Ellen calls Noah to ask for help – she’s in jail.

At home, Donna complains to Kelly about how annoying David was during the photo shoot. She laughs over how Mitch likes to schedule everything. Kelly notes that Donna always gets critical of the person she’s dating, then starts thinking about David. To absolutely no one’s surprise, Bill calls to cancel dinner with Kelly and Matt. Dylan runs into Janet and Maddy at the Peach Pit and mentions that Steve just wired $10,000 into his account to invest in Donna’s website. Janet pretends she was aware of this.

Matt meets with a guy named Tom who got his business card at the desert party. As Kelly arrives, Tom tells Matt he’ll say hi to Amy for him. Kelly laments the fact that she once again got her hopes up about her father and has again been disappointed. She thanks Matt for never disappointing her. Oh, Kelly. Then she asks who Amy is. Matt says Dylan hooked up with her in the desert. Oh, Matt.

Noah takes Ellen to his place and asks why she was found passed out in her car. She admits that she was behind on her rent, so she moved into her car. She was too embarrassed to ask Noah for help. When her car wouldn’t start, she fell off the wagon. Noah encourages her to go back to AA, but Ellen thinks finding a job is a bigger priority. At the Peach Pit, Mitch tries to sync his schedule with Donna’s, but she misses having a relationship with spontaneity. She thinks they should stick to business. He can’t really object, but he tells her he doesn’t give up that easily.

Kelly tries to ask Dylan about Amy, but Matt interrupts and drags his fiancée away before Dylan can say anything incriminating. Steve gets home from some kind of alien-encounter convention and gets an earful from Janet about investing in the website behind her back. He argues that he was within his rights because he invested his own money, left to him by his grandfather. Janet’s even madder now that she knows her husband had a bunch of money she didn’t know about.

Noah takes Ellen to an AA meeting, but she doesn’t think it will help her, so she leaves. Donna and Camille look over Camille’s photos, which turned out great. David’s less than enthusiastic, hurting Camille’s feelings. She doesn’t get why he seems to get more upset the better things get for them. Noah goes to the meeting on his own, expressing his gratitude that he has so much support from the other members. Ellen comes back at the end, so…yay? I really couldn’t care less about her.

The launch party kicks off at the After Dark, and Donna’s nervous again, this time about seeing the site for the first time. Matt asks Dylan what he and Kelly were discussing earlier, warning him not to tell Kelly anything about the trip. Camille worries that David’s bad mood is her fault, but Donna assures her that things will be okay. With just a few seconds to go before the website launches, Dylan and Donna take the stage. Steve accesses the site (using a search engine, the dork), but it declares that access is denied “until Donna Martin goes on another date with Mitch Field.”

The next day, Donna goes to confront Mitch, who says his stunt was just a “romantic plea.” He asks for another chance because they’re totally meant for each other. Donna tells him that his action was cruel, not romantic – and also illegal. Mitch maintains that she’s the one for him, like, dude, you couldn’t be any creepier right now. She tells him it’s not too late to do the right thing.

Steve now regrets making his investment. Janet’s just glad he didn’t use any of her money. He tells her that his grandfather wanted him to do something special with the money, and this is the first thing Steve has considered worthy. Janet worries that Steve isn’t committed to their family or doesn’t trust her if he’s going to keep secrets about money. Steve doesn’t think money’s that important, which Janet says is part of the problem.

David checks on Donna at the boutique, comforting her when she says she feels responsible for everyone losing out. He tells her he hasn’t smoothed things over with Camille yet. The website’s now up and running, though, so Mitch came to his senses. Camille wants to have lunch with David, but he says he’s busy. This relationship doesn’t seem to be going anywhere good. In other romantic news, Noah and Ellen have another fight when she objects to him talking about AA all the time.

The gang goes to the After Dark again, and Kelly bugs Dylan about Amy some more. Matt lies that they met her at a gas station, and Dylan flirted and gave her a ride on his bike. Dylan changes the subject to the website, leading Kelly to leave and call Donna to congratulate her. Matt tells Dylan that he’s going to keep lying to Kelly about Amy; Kelly’s too important to lose. If Dylan’s waiting around for Matt to ruin everything, he shouldn’t get too comfortable. Dylan remarks that he underestimated Matt. “It’s the sweater vests,” Matt replies.

Ellen comes crawling back to Noah after their latest fight and asks him to come somewhere with her. Janet and Steve fight some more, and he tells her that he takes his responsibility to care for the family seriously. The secret money was a safety net in case he screwed up and needed to save them. Janet reminds him that they promised to stick by each other for better or for worse. They don’t need to keep secrets from each other.

Donna gushes to a distracted David that someone in New Mexico bought one of her skirts. She knows things between him and Camille are bad, and she encourages him to fix things before he loses a great relationship. David implies that he’s ready to lose it. Ellen takes Noah to a playground and points out a six-year-old girl, her daughter. Ellen’s mother is raising the girl until Ellen gets her life together, which is taking longer than expected. The girl is the result of a drunken one-night stand. Her father’s out of the picture, and the girl thinks Ellen is gone all the time because she’s a flight attendant.

Camille goes to David’s, where they kind of make up, but not completely. He thinks she deserves better, so they’re over. At the beach apartment, Kelly tries on Jackie’s wedding dress, since Jackie wants her to wear it for her own wedding. (Donna’s working on designs for a new one, though.) Dylan shows up and notes that this is the second time he’s seen Kelly in a dress for a wedding to someone else. He tells her she looks beautiful, then finds a reason to leave.

Thoughts: The internet! Electronic schedulers! This show is full of cutting-edge technology!

Donna, your top at the party is not a shirt – it’s a handkerchief. As someone who’s supposed to know about fashion, you should be able to tell the difference.

Seriously, if you lifted Noah and Ellen’s scenes out of the show, the plot wouldn’t be affected at all.

I like the wedding dress above, but I can’t imagine Jackie wearing it.

Summary: David drops by the boutique after a few days away, which Donna probably appreciates. The two of them and Camille start talking about the wonder that is Internet shopping. David has a friend who can help get the boutique online. Donna’s annoyed to see David and Camille together, and David reveals that Camille’s kind of annoyed about Donna and David’s friendship. At the beach apartment, Kelly tells Matt that she dented his car while he was away, which he doesn’t care about. I mean, it’s not like she dropped acid and slept with someone else! She gushes about what a great guy he is.

Janet and Steve visit with their new neighbors, meeting their pet bunny. The Sanderses are dog-sitting Georgia, who doesn’t hit it off with the bunny, Fluffy. The neighbors, the Gundersons, are less than impressed with the Sanderses’ line of work. Noah finds Ellen hiding in the bathroom, nervous about her first day of work. She complains that Noah’s niceness in helping her find a new job is putting a lot of pressure on her. She also thinks he’s babysitting her so she won’t drink.

Kelly decides that she and Matt should start planning their wedding. Dylan joins them at the Peach Pit, noting that if they get married in a church, Matt can make use of the confessional. A guy named Mitch teaches Donna and Camille about Internet shopping and advertising. Donna’s skeptical that anyone will want to buy her clothes online; how will they find her shop? She also doesn’t want to put up any money or look for investors when she hasn’t secured any sales.

Janet complains to Steve about the neighbors (by the way, the husband’s name is Booth Gunderson, which…okay). Steve encourages her to be nice because their daughter goes to a great private school, and they could use the Gundersons’ pull to get Maddy in someday. Georgia puts the brakes on that plan by coming into the house with the Gundersons’ dead bunny in her mouth. Thanks a lot, Georgia!

Camille goes to the After Dark to ask Dylan if he’s interested in investing in an Internet company. Dylan sends her to his office while he tries to cheer Matt up. Matt thinks Dylan’s enjoying the fact that Matt screwed up. He also thinks that if Dylan were in his shoes, he wouldn’t tell Kelly he slept with someone else. Kelly and Matt visit a potential wedding venue, and clearly, Matt isn’t interested in this part of wedding planning. Kelly notices that he’s not in the best mood and tells him to deal with whatever’s making him so distant.

David checks in with Donna, who tells him she’s not going to go the Internet route. She prefers having a regular store with customers who come in to shop. Camille comes in with Dylan in town and announces that he’s going to invest in their website. Donna’s still hesitant, so Dylan suggests that they discuss the idea more before she makes a final decision. David’s obviously annoyed that Camille approached David.

The Gundersons are out, so they don’t yet know that Fluffy’s dead. Steve doesn’t want to have to be the one to tell their daughter that her pet is dead. He thinks the best option is to throw the rabbit’s corpse into the Gundersons’ yard and make it look like the Gundersons’ dog killed it. Janet says no, but when she mentions how she picked Georgia out at a pet store, Steve comes up with a new plan.

Donna, David, Camille, and Dylan meet with Mitch, who points out to Donna that the Internet will give her a bigger market. David’s now on Donna’s side, cautious about going along with Camille’s idea. Donna lets Mitch know that she’s not hesitant because of him; he’s been very persuasive. He wonders if his powers of persuasion will convince her to have dinner with him. Meanwhile, David blasts Camille for taking over what’s supposed to be Donna’s business.

Later that night, Kelly goes by Dylan’s hotel room to ask him if anything happened on his trip with Matt. Dylan says no, though Kelly isn’t sure she should believe him. Steve’s new plan involves finding a new bunny to pass off as Fluffy, but he hasn’t been able to find one with Fluffy’s markings. Donna’s interested in any details Kelly might have decided on for the wedding, but she hasn’t made any progress. Donna tells Kelly that she’s going on a date with Mitch, even though it could be awkward since he’s a friend of David’s.

Camille comes to the beach apartment to apologize to Donna for overstepping her bounds. Donna reveals that she’s agreed to take Dylan up on his investment offer. Dylan warns Matt that Kelly has questions about their trip, and that he lied to her. He encourages Matt to get better at covering things up if he’s really not going to tell Kelly he cheated.

Steve and Janet try to sneak a new bunny next door, but Steve drops the cage and the rabbit escapes into some bushes. Steve gets distracted and overhears the Gundersons trash-talking him and Janet. The bunny goes into its hutch on its own, and Steve barely escapes the yard without being spotted. Donna takes Mitch to the After Dark, like, why would you take your ex’s friend on a date where that ex works? David’s also not thrilled to see Dylan and Camille chatting. Dylan assures him that there’s nothing between them but business.

Ellen arrives and tells Noah that her first day at work was awful. She slams him for pushing her to take a job she wasn’t ready for. Matt decides to come clean with Kelly, but she has such a bad reaction to hearing that he accidentally took drugs that he chooses not to finish his confession. Kelly announces that she doesn’t believe him – he’s been acting way too weird to have just drunk spiked punch. Matt’s annoyed that he can’t win with her, whether he’s telling the truth or keeping secrets.

Noah saves Ellen’s job, but she doesn’t want his help anymore. He tells her he can’t stop trying to make her life normal. She replies that, in that case, they’re not going to keep having a relationship. Matt asks Dylan if he’s going to swoop in immediately when Kelly and Matt inevitably break up. Dylan says he doesn’t want to see Kelly get hurt. If Matt loses her, it’s his fault and no one else’s.

David is still opposed to the online store, telling Donna that he doesn’t want to see her get pressured. Donna doesn’t want to be the reason he and Camille have problems. Dylan brings some champagne for a toast, trying to convince David that Donna and Camille are making a good decision. David would be a lot happier if Dylan didn’t hug Camille in front of him.

Steve and Janet head to the Gundersons’ for an Easter egg hunt, agreeing to tell them the truth about the bunny. That will be easier said than done, since the Gundersons are confused as to why there’s a bunny in their yard. After all, Fluffy died two days ago and was buried in their yard. “Risen from the dead on Easter? Cool!” the Gundersons’ daughter exclaims. Steve and Janet realize that this would make a great story for the Beverly Beat.

Donna and Noah make awkward conversation at the Peach Pit about her online store. He tells her that when he started drinking again and Donna tried to help him, he realized that he needs to save himself. He hopes Ellen comes to the same realization. I hope she leaves and we never see her again because this plot is dumb.

At David’s, Camille thinks her boyfriend should be a little happier about the fact that she did something good for Donna. David tells her he’s not happy about her sudden friendship with Dylan. Camille throws his friendship with Donna in his face, though David argues that their history makes it a different situation. Camille says the friendship is his problem, not theirs.

Kelly tries to make up with Matt, regretting how she reacted to his confession. He should feel safe coming to her with difficult topics of conversation. Matt assures her that everything’s fine, but he still doesn’t tell her what really happened on his trip. Everything’s great and they can get married and live happily ever after! Yay!

Thoughts: Mitch is played by soap actor Mark Collier. P.S. He’s cute.

I think my favorite thing about Janet is that she doesn’t hide how dumb she thinks Steve’s schemes are, but she still goes along with them.

Donna really needs to stop hanging around her exes so much. Who is she, Robin from How I Met Your Mother?

Summary: Donna’s spending the evening at home, eating ice cream and talking to Felice on the phone. She insists that she’s not feeling sorry for herself just because she’s not dating anyone. Felice asks after David, and Donna says he’s still dating Camille. Kelly and Matt come home during the conversation and barely make it to the bedroom before starting to fool around. Donna’s like, “Great, everyone’s in a happy relationship except me.” Also, the walls in the bedrooms are really thin.

Donna turns on David’s radio show, where a guy’s complaining about how much women talk. The theme for the night is sexual fantasies, which David will rate for each caller. Camille calls in to talk about having sex in public. Donna’s night isn’t looking up at all. Why doesn’t she go hang out with her mom?

At the Peach Pit the next day, Kelly tells Steve and Janet about an ad campaign she’s working on for a guy named Borst who sells sausage. She asks if she can use Maddy for the campaign, but Steve doesn’t like the idea of his daughter becoming a child actress. Janet notes that Maddy can eventually use the money for college. She overrides Steve and agrees to the ad. Outside, Kelly runs into Dylan and Matt, who are planning a road trip that weekend. Kelly wonders what they’ll talk about, since she’s the only thing they have in common.

Donna tries to ignore happy couples at the boutique. She tells Camille she heard her on the radio, then almost gets a repeat performance when David calls to set up a date with Camille. Borst looks over the prospects for the commercial baby, easily settling on Maddy. “She’s lead bun,” another mother tells Janet. Janet’s proud.

At the After Dark, a customer named Ellen orders a martini but gets served a soda. Noah recognizes her from AA and doesn’t want to serve her alcohol. David swings by the boutique to pick up Camille, but she has to work late unexpectedly. David has a different idea, closing the doors and turning off the lights so they can have sex right there in the store.

Noah drives Ellen home, having stopped her from compromising her sobriety. He reminisces about his time on the ocean and suggests that they spend the night hanging out at the beach. Donna goes to the boutique after hours and catches David and Camille half-naked. Janet’s time on the commercial set has taken from her work responsibilities, but she thinks Maddy’s “career” is more important. She’s also baking cookies for someone in the front office. Steve tells her she’s out of control.

Noah and Ellen spent all night talking and falling luuuuuuuuv. When he takes her home, she asks him to stay with her. Camille tries to smooth things over with Donna, who’s disinfecting the floor of the boutique. Camille tells David that Donna’s overreacting because she wants him back. David argues that he didn’t do anything wrong. Yeah, sweetie, she didn’t say you did. Camille can’t believe that David doesn’t see what’s going on.

Borst wants to retool the ad, so Maddy’s no longer needed. Janet’s upset that her daughter’s losing her chance at a big break. Kelly tries to cheer her up by telling her the cookies were a big hit. Donna summons Kelly to the Peach Pit to tell her how uncomfortable things are at the boutique now. Kelly tells her to chill – as long as Donna doesn’t tell David how she feels, he’s free to see other people.

Speaking of Donna’s exes, Noah introduces Ellen to Donna and Kelly. Kelly talks Donna up, then leaves. The ensuing conversation between Donna and Ellen is even more awkward than the situation between Donna and Camille. Dylan and Matt head off on their road trip, which I think is just an excuse for Luke Perry and Daniel Cosgrove to ride dirt bikes. They come across a campground in the desert and are invited to a party.

Donna eats her feelings at the Peach Pit, trying to be happy that Noah’s found a nice new girlfriend. A dirt biker named Amy gives Matt a drink that he doesn’t realize has been spiked with acid. This sounds familiar. Noah finds Ellen at the Beverly Royale, where she’s been served a real martini. She thinks Donna disapproves of their relationship, and she doesn’t get why Noah would want to be with her, since she’s a loser temp. Noah reveals that he got Ellen a permanent job. Yay, all her problems are solved!

Kelly doesn’t like the way Borst’s ad has turned out, and she feels really bad that Janet and Maddy got shut out of it. She thinks Janet should come see what’s going on. In the desert, a delightfully stoned Matt thanks Dylan for arranging such an awesome trip. Janet visits the commercial set, where Steve has been cast as a Viking. Cue the sausage double entendres. Steve could end up in a national campaign, which thrills him. “I’m the Sausage King!” he cries.

David goes by the boutique to talk to Donna about what Camille thinks is going on with them. Instead, they reminisce about a high school dance they went to together, and Donna says that they’ve changed a lot since then. David decides not to bring up Camille’s suspicions that Donna wants him back.

In the desert, Matt tries to network while shirtless. He gets more punch, exclaiming, “I don’t do drugs!” and giggling when Amy tells him the secret ingredient. Dylan tells another partygoer that he and Matt are in love with the same woman, and Matt’s going to marry her. While the partygoer shows Dylan her tent, Matt and Amy start making out.

The next morning, Dylan’s happy and Matt is confused that there’s a woman in his sleeping bag who’s not his fiancée. Steve wears his Viking helmet around the house and is sad to hear that Borst changed his mind again. There are more sausage double entendres. Janet confiscates Steve’s hat. Dylan and Matt head home, trying to downplay the fact that Matt slept with Amy. When Matt gets back to the beach apartment, he doesn’t say a word about it to Kelly.

Thoughts: Ellen is played by Heidi Noelle Lenhart, who was on one of my favorite shows as a kid, California Dreams. (Think Saved by the Bell with singing.) Borst is played by Gary Grubbs.

Maddy is super-adorable, in or out of a hot dog costume.

Why would you introduce a new love interest for the show’s most boring character when there are only six episodes left? In other news, there are only six episodes left!

Honestly, I might be willing to forgive seven years of lies for a pastry

Summary: Steve and Janet are trying to Ferberize Maddy, but Janet’s about to crack. They start talking about Ryan, who’s still crashing at their house, now that he’s decided to leave college. He won’t listen to Steve’s suggestion that they write a letter to the dean to work things out. Also, Maddy is still crying, and I’m not going to be happy if this is how the whole episode goes.

Over at the Beverly Royale, Dylan and Jack are having a less-than-happy reunion. Jack explains that an FBI agent grabbed him before he got into his car, and he’s been in witness protection ever since. He’s in Beverly Hills because Kelly called him. He wants to make things up to Dylan, but Dylan doesn’t want to talk to him.

Kelly’s doing PR for the boutique, offering some pretty good incentives. David arrives to announce that he’s going to New York to interview for a station there. Camille’s worried that if he gets the job, he’ll choose it over her, since they’ve only been together a month. Matt meets with a client, Stuart, a standup comedian who was fired for being bad at his job. I can believe it. Matt thinks he can win a lawsuit because talent is subjective.

At the beach apartment, Dylan confronts Kelly for contacting Jack even though she knew Dylan didn’t want to talk to him. Kelly reminds him that Jack is risking his life to try to reconnect with his son. Dylan needs to talk to him, even if it’s just to say goodbye. At the After Dark, a woman has trouble getting Noah’s attention, so Ryan helps her out. The woman, Sheila, invites him to hang out with her and her friends. Since Noah needs some help, Ryan offers to serve as a barback.

Kelly, Donna, Camille, and Matt hang out, though Kelly and Donna don’t seem to enjoy Camille’s presence very much. When she leaves the table, they complain that she’s a know-it-all. Matt thinks Camille and David just have a physical relationship with nothing substantial to hold them together. The key to a successful relationship is humor. “Then why are we still together?” Kelly teases. Matt tells a joke but it falls flat.

Donna notes that if David moves to New York, they’ll have to make a lot of long-distance calls to each other. He thinks they’d do better with email, since he’ll be working late hours. He asks if Camille has said anything, and kind of jokes that he might ask her to move to New York with him. Donna’s a little bummed to be single while David, Camille, Matt, and Kelly are so happy.

Dylan goes to Jack’s hotel room to make some angry inroads. Jack takes a call from his wife, Lisa, and Dylan learns that they named their son Jack. Also, Jack’s wife knows about his past but not that Dylan exists. Dylan remarks that now he remembers where his father’s priorities lie. Janet’s cranky because Maddy’s cranky, and they still don’t agree about how to handle Ryan. He tells them he got a job at the After Dark, which makes his chances of going back to school even smaller.

Kelly bugs Dylan about seeing Jack, and he tells her that Jack hasn’t brought any mention of Dylan into his new life. He blames everything bad from the past few years on the loss of his father. Jack calls to summon him for another meeting that night. Camille wants to take a reporter to lunch, but Donna thinks she should leave that task to Kelly. Camille doesn’t get why Kelly gets mad when Camille does her a favor.

David calls Donna from New York to report that his interview is actually the next day. Camille’s clearly annoyed that David’s talking to Donna and not her. When David asks to speak to Camille, Donna ducks out, not wanting to hear their conversation. Matt and Stuart go to court, where the defense attorney challenges Stuart to make the jury laugh. He fails.

At the After Dark, Ryan makes another good impression on Sheila, this time from behind the bar. Steve wants Ryan to reconsider his options, but Noah thinks the choices he’s made are perfectly fine. Steve orders Ryan to get his things and come home with him. He doesn’t want his brother to end up like Noah.

At the beach apartment, Kelly and Donna complain some more about Camille, who doesn’t seem to trust Kelly to do her job. Donna tries to be diplomatic. Kelly notes that David hasn’t been calling Donna late at night anymore. Donna says Camille asked him to stop, but she’s not jealous. She just knows that she has what Donna wants – a great guy. Donna swears she doesn’t want David, though.

Dylan meets up with Jack, who announces that he’s willing to risk his life to make things up to Dylan. Either he will leave witness protection or he’ll bring Dylan in with him. Ryan’s now staying with Noah, and Sheila spent the night with him. Noah is now leaning toward Steve’s way of thinking – Ryan’s smart, and he needs to take advantage of his opportunities. Noah didn’t, and look how he ended up.

Jack meets up with Dylan at the hotel, making Dylan worry that someone will recognize him. Jack thinks he “should be fine,” since the people he testified against are either in jail or dead. If he needs further protection, he can afford it. Dylan wonders what they’ll tell Lisa and Jack. Jack notes that since his younger son is only four, it won’t be long before he forgets a time when Dylan wasn’t around. If Jack and Dylan work hard enough, they can forget their own pasts as well.

Matt gathers Kelly, Noah, and Ryan at the After Dark so Stuart can practice his act before they go back in front of the jury. It bombs. Stuart decides to drop the case. Even if he could win it, this isn’t the right career for him. David calls Donna to tell her he got the job in New York. He realizes what this means and tells Donna he’ll miss her. He hasn’t told Camille yet – Donna was the first person he called.

Dylan’s now grateful to Kelly for her meddling, and is ready to go meet his stepmother and little brother. He’s happier than he’s been in a long time. He definitely wants to kiss Kelly, but just gives her a smooch on the cheek. Steve apologizes to Noah for using him as a bad example to try to get Ryan to go back to school. He tells Ryan that his parenting book says some kids have to be treated differently. He’s also realized that Ryan isn’t a child anymore. Steve will support whatever Ryan decides to do.

As an FBI agent collects Dylan from the hotel, Matt and Stuart return to court, where Matt warms up the jury for his client. Everyone’s entertained, and Matt reveals that his jokes are all Stuart’s material. So he’s funny after all! Dylan is taken to meet with Christine, who warns that Jack is still in danger. If something happens, will Dylan be able to live with himself? Is he really doing what’s in Jack’s best interest?

Janet and Steve give up on the Ferberizing, preferring to spend time with Maddy than let her cry on her own. Ryan comes by to announce that he’s leaving – he’s going to travel, then return to school. “Someone in this family has got to be professional,” he says. Dylan meets Jack, supposedly for their departure, but instead he tells Jack that his non-death isn’t a secret anymore. He needs to go back into witness protection, even if it means he and Dylan never see each other. Dylan says he hated Jack for a long time, but now he doesn’t. However, he won’t be going with Jack. He says he’s fine with how things are.

Donna and Camille throw a party at the boutique, attracting a lot of big-name editors. Camille’s upset that David will soon be moving to New York. Donna’s like, “You’ve known him a month. We get to be sadder than you.” Matt tries out some more material on Kelly, who’s really not enjoying his brand of humor.

David and Dylan meet up outside the boutique, keeping an eye on Donna and Kelly, respectively. David admits that he’s not going to take the job in New York; there are some people you just can’t live without. As Donna watches him with Camille, she asks Kelly if there’s a statute of limitations on breakups. Her time apart from David has made her realize that she’s still in love with him. YEAH, NO KIDDING.

Thoughts: So…I guess Jack still doesn’t know about Erica, huh?

Maybe Stuart’s act would be better if he cut all the dad jokes and the jokes everyone’s heard a thousand times.

Steve is a better father than Rush is. Of course, the loaf of bread on my kitchen counter is a better father than Rus is, but you know what I mean.

To me, the funniest part of this episode is Jack’s casual attitude about his life. He thinks that since the people he testified against aren’t a threat anymore, he’s home free. Sweetie, the mob is big. They hold grudges. People carry out vendettas for other people. Once you’re a mob target, you can’t get out of it that easily. (I would like to state for the record that this is all hypothetical, of course. The mob has never been proven to exist. In fact, it probably doesn’t. It definitely doesn’t! It doesn’t. Please don’t hurt me, nice godfathers.)

Summary: Donna has taken Noah to the hospital, where she calls David to tell him that Noah was injured. David doesn’t think she should take him back to the beach apartment after he broke in to bug her. Donna ignores him, telling Kelly that she’s volunteering them to take care of Noah for the next few days. Kelly wonders how Donna and Noah are supposed to move on from their breakup if he’s staying with them. Donna promises that nothing’s going to happen.

Later, Kelly goes to the Beverly Royale, where Dylan tells her that he’s been calling people from the passenger manifest to see if anyone remembers “Eddie Waitkus.” He’s starting to think that someone wants to keep them apart. Kelly suggests going back to Christine, but Dylan doesn’t think they’ll be helpful. Her next suggestion is that Dylan call the airline and talk to some of the flight crew.

Donna plays nurse for Noah, telling him that Matt feels bad for giving him a concussion. Noah apologizes for breaking in, admitting that he doesn’t even remember why he came over. Donna tells him he needs to go back to AA. This is his last chance with her – if he screws up again, he’s on his own. Over at the Walsh house, Ryan comes home from college for a visit, meeting Janet and Maddy for the first time. Steve’s maturity level immediately drops ten years, and the brothers make plans to party.

With no job, Kelly can’t figure out what to do with herself. Matt suggests that she think about opening up her own firm, but why would anyone hire a firm run by someone with no experience? They discuss Dylan and the possible return of Jack, and Matt offers to help them investigate. Camille complains about David’s table-clearing methods, then notes that David and Donna (who keeps calling to tell David about horror movies on TV) are kind of like an old married couple. (Seriously, Camille.)

Kelly, Matt, and Dylan ask around at the airport, using various cover stories for why they need to contact “Eddie Waitkus.” A flight attendant takes pity on Dylan when he says he’ll lose his job if he can’t follow up on a business deal with “Eddie.” She tells him that she heard “Eddie” say he lives right outside Phoenix. Time for a road trip!

At the Walsh house, Steve and Ryan are sacked out after a night of partying. Janet wakes Steve up for a meeting with the Sasquatch Watch Group (say that five times past). She’s unhappy to see that Ryan accidentally broke off the tail of the carousel horse. She tells Steve to stop showing off for his brother, since he’s probably egging Ryan on to be a troublemaker. Steve has always had someone to reel him back in – first Brandon, now Janet – and Steve needs to be that person for Ryan.

Noah cleaned the beach apartment, which is nice of him. He tells Donna that when he was kidnapped and thought he might die, he thought about her. He wishes he could do a lot of things differently, especially when it comes to the end of their relationship. He kisses her, but Donna knows getting back together is a bad move. She’s spent the past few weeks getting over their breakup while Noah partied. Now that he’s sobered up, he’s just starting to feel the grief. He agrees and decides to leave.

In Tolleson, Arizona, Kelly goes to a cable company and pretends to be related to Jack to get his address. Dylan complains to Matt about Jack never turning to him for help. After all, Dylan had all of Jack’s money. Kelly’s successful in getting the address, so keep in mind if you’re ever in Tolleson that privacy may be an issue.

David and Camille go out to dinner, and she admits that she realized today that she’s stolen everything Donna had. Well, okay, just her store (which she’s temporarily running) and her ex (not that she stole David). Camille’s having trouble accepting that Donna is so much a part of David’s life. She finds it a little strange to be dating a guy whose best friend is a woman, as well as his ex. David tries to make things up to her by ignoring a call from Donna.

Back in Tolleson, Dylan and Kelly sit outside Jack’s house while Matt hangs out at their hotel by himself. Jack arrives home, and Kelly urges Dylan to go to him. While Dylan’s hesitating, a woman and a young boy come out of the house to greet their husband/father. “There’s no place for me here,” Dylan tells Kelly.

The next day, David goes to see Donna at the store, apologizing for making Camille late for work, but not for ignoring her call. Donna wants to talk about what happened with Noah, which just makes David want to say he told her so. Donna would like to learn how to set boundaries. (Why start now?) David tells her that they need to ease off on their constant phone calls now that he has a girlfriend. Donna realizes he’s right.

Matt heads back to Beverly Hills on his own, warning Dylan that Jack might get spooked and run if he finds out they’ve been in town, asking questions. Kelly still wants Dylan to see his father, but Dylan thinks Jack’s life is better now than it used to be. He urges Kelly to go back to California with Matt.

At the After Dark, Janet accompanies Steve and Ryan on a night out, though Ryan isn’t thrilled to hang out with settled-down parents. He mentions a class he took, and Janet encourages him to talk more about college. Ryan begs off, preferring to hit on someone at the club. Dylan goes back to Jack’s house and watches him through the window for, like, ten minutes.

Donna shows up at the After Dark, inspiring David to declare that the theme of the next night’s broadcast will be relationships, limits, and friendships with people you used to date, or something like that. Noah’s working at the bar, and he admits to Donna that he wants to drink but isn’t going to. Well, he’s certainly working in the right place for avoiding alcohol!

David interrupts the conversation to make sure no one’s going back to anyone’s old ways. He asks Donna if she wants to get something to eat at the Peach Pit, and she teases that she can’t because she’s supposed to be working on her boundaries. David calls Camille to tell her his plans, saying he’s just trying to keep Donna and Noah apart. Camille tells him to do whatever and she’ll see him later.

Kelly and Matt return to Beverly Hills, and she shares that she’s going to start her own PR firm after all. Dylan arrives shortly after, having finally stopped staring at Jack through the window. Kelly tells him that it’s Jack’s loss if he doesn’t want Dylan in his life. Dylan admits that he never approached his father. He knows talking to Jack won’t change anything. All of his problems stem from his father’s death; he doesn’t know who he is without that fact. Kelly points out that Jack’s not dead. Dylan replies that, as far as he’s concerned, that’s not true.

Noah’s back at David’s house, which is super-awkward. David advises him to give Donna some space so she can keep moving forward from their breakup. Noah points out that Donna came to the After Dark to see him, but she spent the evening with David. He’s the one who can’t get over Donna. At the boutique, Donna apologizes to Camille for monopolizing David’s time. She likes Camille and David together, which Camille appreciates. She wants Donna to approve of them before they continue with their relationship.

Ryan spent the night out, and Steve’s worried, since Ryan doesn’t have a history of making great decisions. Ryan finally makes it home, unhappy that Steve and Janet are acting like his parents. He points out that Steve acted out all the time and was always bailed out by Rush. Steve says Ryan doesn’t need help like he did, since he’s smart.

Ryan admits that he hated being smart in high school, so when he got to college, he acted like Steve. Now he’s on academic probation and won’t be able to get into med school. He’s dropped out of college. Steve tells Janet that they’re not having any more kids. Dylan mopes in his hotel room with a drink, trying to ignore whoever’s knocking on his door. He finally opens it to find Jack on the other side.

Thoughts: Tori Spelling directed this episode. So has every cast member directed one now?

One of the flight attendants Dylan questions is played by Eva Longoria in her first TV appearance. Fun fact #1: Vanessa Marcil was once engaged to Eva’s ex-husband. Fun fact #2: Eva’s second TV appearance was as a Vanessa lookalike on General Hospital, where she met said ex-husband.

How has Ryan never met Janet or Maddy? Also, how in the world did he get into Amherst? Since when is he smart??

Yeah, I’m sure a flight attendant would remember details about a random guy on a flight a week earlier, let alone his full name, especially without seeing a picture to jog her memory.

You’d think a guy hiding from the mob would be more wary of random cars parked outside his house. Of course, Jack also didn’t bother to keep his face off of TV, so I don’t know what I expected.

Summary: David and Donna are hanging out at the Walsh house, cooing over Maddy. Janet wants to set Donna up on a date, promising that she’ll arrange something casual for a group. Noah shows up to play that pinball machine that’s been in the house for years. He’s drunk, so Donna drives him home. At the Beverly Royale, Steve and Dylan watch Rock and Roll Jeopardy, which Steve sucks at. He changes the channel and comes across a news report about an emergency landing at LAX. One of the passengers getting off the plane looks just like Jack McKay.

The next morning, Kelly gets ready for her first day at her new job, dreading her anti-gay-club assignment. Donna let Noah spent the night on the couch at the beach apartment, wanting to pay him back for how he offered her help her after her father died. Dylan and Steve go to the airport for some answers; Steve thinks there was some big stunt and Jack faked his death. He asks if Jack’s name was on the list of passengers on the flight, but the airline won’t disclose the information.

Kelly has to rewrite a speech at work, and she’s clearly the only one who’s not in support of their mission. At the Walsh house, Steve and David talk about Jack, and David worries about how Dylan will be affected. He overhears Donna, Janet, and Camille talking about a fur coat but thinks they’re talking about orgasms. (For example, Camille has only had fake ones, and Donna knows David will never give Camille one.) Donna’s sort-of date, Irv, shows up for dinner, and Donna’s pleased that he’s both nice and attractive. Then Noah crashes the party, guessing that Irv is Donna’s date.

At the Peach Pit the next day, David tells Steve and Matt about his hopes of having sex with Camille that night. Steve’s eager to hear about other people’s sex lives because Janet’s pregnancy and Maddy’s birth have left him a little wanting. David’s worried since he’s under the impression that “Camille can’t be satisfied.” Matt and Steve promise to help him be prepared. I already hate this plotline.

Pia disapproves of Kelly’s speech, since she’s not painting gay students as villains, basically. They’re supposed to do the job they were hired to do, not take sides. Dylan and Steve go to a storage facility so he can look through Jack’s papers and find a way to get in touch with Christine. Steve thinks she’s behind everything. Dylan discovers that the lock on the storage unit has been broken. Inside, it’s clear that someone has already been there, looking for something.

Outside the boutique, Donna tells Janet that she’s brought Camille on as a partner at the store. They complain about how sickeningly romantic Camille and David have become. They’ve only been together two weeks, by the way. Janet assures Donna that she and Irv will be great together, but right now she’s worried about where things stand between Donna and Noah. Donna says that Noah’s going back to AA, and everything will be fine.

Dylan ambushes Christine at her office and asks if Jack is alive. She claims he’s dead, so Dylan gives her a tape of the news broadcast. She also claims that she doesn’t know about anyone breaking into the storage unit. Dylan reminds Christine that she loved Jack. She says that if he were alive, she would still be with him, but he’s not. David and Camille have a date at his house, then start to get it on.

At the Peach Pit the next day, David tells Steve that things seemed to go well with Camille; in fact, she enjoyed herself “several times.” Steve’s confused that a woman who has supposedly never had an orgasm, and presumably faked it with every other guy she was with, went from 0 to 60 with David. Kelly arrives, and Steve asks her about her job assignment. Janet saw the speech on TV, and it changed her mind. Kelly’s not as happy as she should be that her speech changed one person’s vote.

Christine calls Dylan to her office to tell him that Jack’s name wasn’t on the passenger list. Dylan’s not surprised – he’s probably in witness protection, so he wouldn’t be traveling under his real name. Christine continues that the storage unit was broken into a while ago, along with a few others. The police weren’t able to get in touch with Dylan. Dylan notes that he never actually saw Jack get in the car, and he never saw a body, so it’s possible that he’s alive. Christine tells him to give up on the investigation already.

At the boutique, Janet helps Donna pick out a dress for her next date with Irv. David shows up, and Donna and Janet tell him that Camille was very happy with him on their first night together. David brings up the conversation he overheard, and they tell him they were talking about furs. Now he feels dumb. Noah calls, and Janet and David keep Donna from picking up the phone. Janet thinks Noah’s using his trauma to keep Donna in his life. Donna’s mad that no one else is being a good friend to him.

Camille hangs out with David in the After Dark radio booth that night; the theme is dumb assumptions people have made about their significant others. He comes clean about the fur coat/orgasm confusion, and she’s horrified to realize that he talked to Steve about her in the context of sex. David advises his listeners to keep their mouths shut about those assumptions until it’s necessary to talk about them.

Donna and Irv are there for their date, but it’s not going well. She tells him he’s great, and she was looking forward to the date, but she feels like she should be with Noah right now instead. She’s worried that he hasn’t shown up to work tonight. Irv decides that Donna isn’t as single as he thought she was. Dylan returns to the storage unit to sort through Jack’s things, telling Kelly that he hasn’t gotten anywhere with the investigation. She thinks he should use this opportunity to reflect on his life. He tells her he misses his dad.

Donna tells David that she tried to smooth things over with Camille for him, but now she’s going to stop helping him, since he’s been giving people bad advice. Then he gives her some more: She needs to stop dropping everything to help Noah. David’s worried that she’ll keep losing out on great guys because Noah keeps coming first.

Pia’s pleased that Kelly was able to put her feelings aside for her job. Kelly talks about the possibility of having a gay child, and how she would prefer to support him instead of making him feel isolated. She’s not cut out for this kind of job, so she quits. She goes to the hotel, where Dylan’s watching the news report again. He gives her the tape and tells her to get rid of it. Kelly reveals that she was able to get the passenger list through connections at the PR firm.

Camille goes to David’s to give him a second chance, so…whatever. David gets to have sex. Good for him. At the beach apartment, Kelly and Donna wake up in the middle of the night, hearing noises on the deck. They call the police while Matt goes to check things out. Someone crashes through a window and Matt knocks him out with a baseball bat. When Kelly turns on the lights, they all realize the intruder is Noah.

Steve pays Dylan a late-night visit to express his regrets for making him think his father might be alive. Dylan reminisces about singing “Take Me Out to the Ballgame” with Jack, and how much they liked watching baseball games together. They especially liked The Natural, which includes a character who disappears, then returns. The character in the book was based on a real person named Eddie Waitkus. Dylan found the same name on the passenger list, and he’s sure it’s a fake used by Jack.

Thoughts: Call me crazy, but maybe if you’re hiding from the mob, you should make sure you don’t show up on TV?

Remember Rock and Roll Jeopardy? That show was awesome. That was before I started yelling at Jeff Probst for being annoying on Survivor.

I don’t remember Noah offering Donna any kind of help in the last episode. In fact, I remember him avoiding her the entire episode.