Pears Downgraded from Fruit to Dwarf-fruit

In a move that has stunned and outraged pear aficionados around the world, pears have been downgraded from a fruit to a dwarf fruit. The move comes after the latest annual conference of the International Fruit Tree Association, or IFTA. The conference was held in Gaborone, Botswana.

In a statement released at the end of the conference, the IFTA summarized its decision by saying that pears have always been considered inferior to apples, oranges, peaches, bananas and grapes. One need look only to what children tend to avoid in fruit cocktail. Pears are always the ones left in the bowl.

Pear experts, both those who love pears and those who don't particularly care for them, point to the fact that pears fit the most fundamental definition of what constitutes a fruit - the ripened ovary or ovaries of a seed-bearing plant, together with accessory parts, containing the seeds and occurring in a wide variety of forms.

An IFTA spokesperson countered the experts' assertion by saying "we don't care, we had fruit cocktail at lunch all week and we all agreed we don't like the pears."

Make Catchthisdrift's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

More fake news stories

Washington DC - Under fire for asking Republicans scientific questions but giving Democrats a pass, reporters swarmed President Obama as he and the First Lady were leaving a fashionable Georgetown restaurant and demanded he explain to them the theory...

The Cosmos - Astronauts aboard the ISS were carrying out a critical damage assessment after part of Comet Lovejoy C/2014 Q2 struck the Station's septic tank and sent six months' of space shit into the Quadrantids shower.
Emergency works to the ta...

Huntsville, AL An astronomer/scientist at the Space Science Lab, who has so far managed to remain anonymous, has admitted to accidentally destroying Pluto with a nuclear missile.
"I meant to hit the zoom so I could get a closer look at this three-...

Martians have been kicking up dust on the red planet and earthbound, frustrated scientists have no idea why! Clouds of red dust have been spotted exploding above and beyond the martian surface. The ginormous clouds are spewing into the universe and h...

Sure they're unmanned, but that doesn't mean those airborne vehicles don't wanna have a life. If the drones have to put up with trouble and inconvenience, they expect to be adequately compensated for it.
A bunch of them made that abundantly cle...

Video game enthusiast, Billy Mitchell says that Marble Madness (released in December 1984 by Atari) is responsible for ruining his life, and quite possibly driving him into a state of psychosis.
"The game was a joy to play at first," Mitchell ex...

Cupofteanow, California (STT News) - With the recent and much-heralded arrival of the iPhone 6, there has also been a lot of speculation as to what lies ahead and, in that future, how far we will be melded into the digital frontier.
Apple spokesm...

Tanzanian - After the disappearance of several albino people, blonde bombshell Lady Gaga comes out to say that theories on human intelligence must be correct.
"We need to find a solution to the problem and fast," says Lady Gaga.
Armed gangs of...