11/18/2005

Republicans To America: We Wish To Kill Your Children:Hey, here's an idea: let's just cut to the fuckin' chase here. Let's just give Republicans pistols, say, a Glock 30 - compact, easy to conceal, simple loading - really, any Republican worth his or her salt ought to own one of these babies. And then just set the Republicans free to go house to house to start the killin' spree. Some of 'em will drag out members of the military residing in each home.

Howzabout lettin' David Dreier do that? That way he can continue to deny he's queer, right? Right? And Dreier, who yesterday in response to Democrat Jack Murtha's call to get out of Iraq, said, "I believe that it would be an absolute mistake and a real insult to the lives that have been lost and those today who are continuing this struggle for freedom if we were to withdraw." Dreier can get goons accompanying him to drag some twentysomething piece of trailer trash who signed up for the National Guard to get a little extra scratch and a benefit or two out of the double-wide and put three bullets into his skull. And then move on to the next trailer, the next house.

Dennis Hastert, who said of Murtha and others who believe in withdrawal, "They would prefer that the United States surrender to the terrorists who would harm innocent Americans. To add insult to injury, this is done while the President is on foreign soil...They want us to wave the white flag of surrender to the terrorists of the world," can do what he so deeply desires in the sweaty folds of his corpulence: he can just walk right into the home of an Army corporal and, in front of her children and husband, pump that Glock like a cock, puttin' her to rest. It's easy, see? And it doesn't even require that she's sent to Iraq.

And it can spread from there, the Republican murder rampage, for, surely, they do not only wish death upon the men and women in uniform. House Budget Committee Chairman Jim Nussle can saunter into a housing project in Dubuque, Iowa and take all the food out of the kitchen of some single mom's dumpy apartment and burn that shit. Then, as he shoots each of her three kids, he can tell the mom that it's easier this way, now that he's led the charge to cut food stamps and Medicaid. He can say to the sobbing mother, "This unchecked spending is growing faster than our economy, faster than inflation, and far beyond our means to sustain it," adding that of course her children can no longer live because otherwise Republicans would have to actually allow some taxes to continue and, as Nussle said, "The death tax is fundamentally unjust because it results in double taxation." Surely, this will comfort the grieving, blood-coated mother as Nussle, whistling "God Bless America" to himself, saunters over to the next dumpy apartment.

Yep, Republicans wandering the nation, loaded Glocks holstered, in purses, in pockets, can simply make the statement that each and everyone of their policies, on Iraq, on the budget, on global warming, on so much more, is making: we want you fuckers dead. And if we can't experience the sublime pleasure of actually walking into your houses and shooting you in the face, we'll do it slowly, incrementally, until, really, there's no one left but us and our families behind a walled fortress, and then, ah, sweet, what a glorious nation it will be.

'Cause, see, what Jack Murtha said yesterday was that he wants Americans to live, to survive: "They don't deserve to continue to suffer. They're the targets." And Democrats in the Congress who opposed the cruel budget cuts (and it's still a savage budget, even after the "compromise") are making the simple statement that people deserve to stay alive.

No, no, the Republicans say, as they pass out the loaded Glocks, the war, the cuts, it's for the good of the nation, the good of America. Then they cock those fuckers and head down the steps of the Capitol for there's only so much time before the Congressional session ends.

Late Day Correction: An earlier version of this post contained the gun name "Glock .30," as if it was a .30 caliber. As frightening poin' and rude reader Chet says, there's very few .30 caliber guns. However, the Rude Pundit meant the Glock 30, a .45 caliber, perfectly capable of fulfilling all of the Republicans' citizen-shootin' needs.