And You Better Find Some Mittens For The Bacon While You’re At It.

Once fall rolls around there’s that nice nip in the air. You find yourself slipping a sweater over that t-shirt….later; you’re not letting the kids out of the house without a jacket. You’ve started letting the cats sleep in the garage at night, no matter how much your husband complains. By November the thermostat is cranked up at all times, power bills be damned, you’ve got to do what you can to stay warm. Certainly we can all use a little extra comfort this time of year.

oh look, it’s a family portrait….we have mom egg cozy to the right and Dad egg cozy to left. In the middle are their three youngins, Rosie, Josie and Edwina…(Edwina never really fit in with the Cozys…heard tell she was adopted from a family of angora mittens)

I can just see that queen alien from the second ‘Alien’ movie knitting these egg-cozy things with that extra set of mini-arms she had (I always wondered what they were for). Occasionally she’ll glance back at her bloated abdomen seething full of those pods that the facehuggers jump out of and sigh.

crochet condoms. I like it. A new kind of birth control altogether. The way it works, when the time comes and you unfurl the crochet-condom, either a) both partners crack up laughing and mood is spoiled or b)convinced that good potential mates don’t wear crochet, one is warned off.

mmmoooommmm… I can’t find breakfast. I see the oj, but…ahhh. Brillant mom, brillant. You know you don’t have to actually use everything Aunt Martha gives you – there’s a whole back of the closet to hide things, just add it to the toliet paper barbie doll cozy collection.

OMG. My grandmother gave me a huge box of what I thoughted were Christmas bells ornaments, but I see now that they are egg cozys! It’s genius! I think I’ll have her make me some waffle cozys, and a cozy of my Cap’n Crunch box, and one for the spoon, and one for the handbasket I’m in…….

Do you think it’s the study that demonstrated that a man’s sperm count diminishes when his testicles are kept too warm?

All those mothers who insisted their sons put on their egg cozies before they went out to play–and then, years later, wondered why they didn’t have any grandchildren … it all becomes clear, doesn’t it?

Even better, these have actually been featured as an important prop in a murder mystery (OK, a tongue-in-cheek parody of a murder mystery): The Affair of the Blood-Stained Egg Cosy. Really. It’s on Amazon. I guarantee you’ll love it.

No kidding. When my mother when to England last year – I made her bring home egg cozies for me. Despite all the derision, they are actually very useful to keep a SOFT boiled egg nice and warm awaiting the recipient. Coordinating arrival at the breakfast table at the exact moment your egg is retrieved from hot water is not easy. Ever try to dip “toast fingers” in cold egg yoke? Pattern anyone? Cheers, CJB