The Family F*ck-Up f*cks up again

It was only a matter of time. He’d been so good for too long. He’d suppressed his true urges for much too long. He was well-behaved for ...too many months. Too many dinner jackets, too many official engagements, too much ... adult responsibility! And for someone like Harry, that sh-t is impossible to contain in Vegas. Can you blame him???

TMZ released the photos yesterday around 5pm PT/8pm ET. The Prince is naked and bent over pressing himself against a girl, also not clothed. They were taken in his hotel suite last Friday. Unlike what they’d do in the same situation in Hollywood, the Palace has not bothered to issue a denial. There is no doubt about the authenticity of these shots and there’s no use lying about it: that IS Harry.

Prince Henry of Wales.

THE THIRD IN LINE TO THE THRONE.

A mega senior royal.

Totally nude. Cupping his balls.

During the year of Grandmother’s Diamond Jubilee. While his 91 year old grandfather is in hospital.

It is a big f-cking GIANT ASS DEAL.

So yes, of course Harry has been summoned home. And of course he’ll have to answer to Her Majesty. And because this is Harry, of course he’ll be able to say...

“But at least I didn’t dress up in a Nazi costume and/or call anyone a racial slur!?”

(Pause)

Yes, child, I guess you’re right.

Let’s blame his protection officers instead.

Because here’s why the royals normally keep their sh-t so tight: they know the f-ckery is in their blood, built into their DNA, and it’s no use trying to change it. These people are FLAWED. That family is a MESS. Where they excel then is not behaviour modification (because, obviously) but concealment.

This is why all the focus today, especially in England, is on Harry’s security. It’s not that they allowed it to go down. It’s that they allowed it to go down DOCUMENTED. How were there cellphones allowed inside? How were they not required to be turned over upon entry into his Royal chambers? These people are not hired to protect Harry from himself - this is impossible - but rather to protect him from people like US, people with video and internet, people who want to KNOW. Everything.

Harry has embarrassed his family, yes.

Harry has set himself back a year - at the most. (They will forgive him soon enough.)

But this is not what he feels bad about today.

He’s not been raised to feel bad about these kinds of mistakes, mistakes that arise from nature and breeding.

What he should and does feel bad about however is that he has jeopardised the job security of his protection officers. They have families. They have mortgages. They will suffer the most. And Harry will feel this. Incredibly guilty for it. Which is why they continue to be so fascinating, these Windsors. That their spectacular degeneracy is so often accompanied by genuine compassion and philanthropic spirit.

So now what will he do?

Oh please. He’ll pretend to be sorry. He’ll go to church. Granny will indulge him again in a few weeks because his smile is too irresistible. And in the end, I wonder if he doesn’t come out ahead.

Harry has complained that he doesn’t have a partner, like his brother and Kate, someone to share what can be a lonely burden. (What’s beyond a first world problem? What’s even MORE first world than a first world problem?) I don’t think the problem is that he doesn’t have a partner...

It’s that he doesn’t have the partner he wants.

The more he f-cks up as a single man, the less objection they may have to allowing him to just... choose who he wants, with much more relaxed requirements on background. That’s how any spoiled child gets what he wants isn’t it?

You won’t let me?

Fine.

How about I keep embarrassing you? Should I keep embarrassing you?

Or send me back into the field. That way I won’t have to take my clothes off in America.

See? Don’t worry about Harry. Harry will be OK. But God did Diana ever call it right about her boys.