I started this blog when my husband and I were expecting our first child to document my pregnancy and warn people of all the things nobody tells you about. Then it followed our family's journey through secondary infertility. It turns out I forgot as much as I learned. One might think that motherhood has softened me...
One would be wrong.

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Saturday, May 28, 2011

While the Men Watch

How cute! An online show dedicated to girl-talk that runs during sporting events to keep the ladies entertained. While the Men Watch (and there's no double entendre in that title at all) bills itself as "the lively discussion follows sports from a woman’s point of view including everything from interpreting the rules of the game to coaches in need of a makeover." How profound! This site does nothing at all to promote the stereotype of man = sports watching troglodyte; woman = fashion obsessed twit. Because God forbid a couple should have separate interests and a means to entertain themselves while one half is occupied.

Oh lookie, there's a blog. With a title like "6 Things NOT to say if his Team Loses", there's sure to be some insightful commentary for women everywhere. Let's have a look, shall we? I think numbers 3, 5 and 6 are my favourites:

3. "We are out of beer." - Keep a secret stash on ice, for bad moments like this. Don’t even wait for him to ask – crack it open and put it in his hand immediately after the clock stops. Like a heart attack victim, most are likely to survive if treated within the first 4 minutes.

Awwww. Take care of your man's beer needs, because that's important. And while you're at it, why don't you fetch his pipe and his slippers too?

5. "Oh by the way, we are going to my mother’s house for dinner tonight." - For at least 24-hrs post-losing game, avoid all contact with in-laws and your extended family. His delicate condition may have paralyzed his communication "filters". The last thing you need is him telling Aunt Ronda that she is getting fat and that her husband is an alcoholic.

Well now that's just dumb. Everybody knows that playoffs are never decided in afternoon games, there's not enough ratings to be had. Unless your mother is in Europe, dinner is long done by the time the game is over. But let's set that aside for a second... You can't blame that level of social ineptitude on a game. The guy who tells Aunt Rhonda she's fat and that her husband is an alcoholic is a straight up asshole. No wonder he's got an airhead like you managing his precious beer supply.

6. "Sorry, not tonight, I have my period." - Make it happen girls – under any circumstance. Take one for the team.

Dammit girls, the man's dreams have just been crushed! Give him a blowjob already!!

I know, I know, it's supposed to be a joke. But jokes are supposed to be funny. I haven't decided if this is more offensive to me as a woman or as a sports fan. What I do know is that the girl who pays attention to the game along with the man who is watching tends to have a lot of fun herself.