Simple ways to rediscover your sexy side

Maybe it's been a while since you looked forward to sex. And maybe it's been even longer since you actually felt sexy. If you want to truly reconnect with the physical side of your sexuality, your first step is to define what is sensual for you, which involves becoming aware of your most subtle sexual thoughts and feelings.

[sidebar]We know what you're thinking: Who has time for that? Many of our clients say their lives are too hectic to pay attention to such subtleties, and the fact is, the chaotic pace of their daily routines probably has contributed to the depletion of their sex drives in the first place. But once you tune in to your sensuality, you probably will find that you've maintained more of it than you give yourself credit for. Contrary to how you may feel at this moment, you are not asexual. You simply need to reawaken that part of you. Bringing back your sensuality will require effort, but it also can be fun.

Here are some exercises that can be powerful, though they may seem relatively innocuous. We know that you may be tempted to skip over them in search of more potent solutions to your low libido. You've probably been moving so quickly through your life that you're missing out on the more delicate aspects of your sexuality. And you must reacquaint yourself with these subtleties in order to rediscover and revitalize your sexual desire. We invite you to relax and take pleasure in this process. It involves the type of homework that you actually can enjoy completing!

Try to approach the following exercises with an attitude of curiosity and openness to learning new things about yourself. As human beings, we are constantly growing and changing. Our sexual selves are no different. And you've been out of touch with yours for a while.[pagebreak]

Wash away inhibitions

A wonderful way to ease into the process of becoming reacquainted with pleasurable bodily sensations is to take a warm bath. Be sure to have massage oils and a soft washcloth or sponge available. You may choose to light some candles or play music to enhance your sensual experience. Take the phone off the hook and let others know that you are not to be disturbed. Expect to spend at least 30 minutes with yourself. You're going to use this time for relaxation and exploration. Familiarize yourself with what your body responds to and how it likes to be touched. Move slowly and deliberately from one body part to the next, massaging your throat, breasts, underarms, inner elbows, belly, inner thighs, buttocks, back of your knees, and feet.

Notice when you start to lose interest in what you're doing. What's going on that leads you to dissociate from this experience? Can you make any connections between this experience and your tendency to shut down when you're with your partner? Experiment with a variety of touching styles—a light, feathery caress; a deep, slow rub; a quick circular motion; or whatever else comes to mind. Which is sexiest to you?

Massage oil onto your skin. How does this change the experience for you? Pour water over various body parts, or if you have a shower massager, experiment with different water pressures against your skin. Which feels best to you? As you perform this exercise, pay attention to what makes you feel sexy and what methods of stimulation spark your sexual energy. See how deeply you can relax and let go.

Stock up for sensual indulgence

Now that you've gotten a taste of the sort of self-exploration that you'll be doing, you're ready to move on to your next assignment. It involves an activity that many women enjoy: shopping!

First, take a trip to a lingerie shop. Once you are comfortable, choose a few sexy things to try on. You may be attracted to a particular style, or perhaps a color or type of fabric. Find something that feels sensual when you wear it. This is not for anyone's eyes but yours. If you later decide to share your selection with your partner, that's fine. But right now, you are pleasing only yourself. Try to purchase at least one item that challenges your impression of yourself sexually. That is, get a little crazy!

Next on the agenda is a trip to the grocery store. Your task is to identify at least four or five foods that feel sensual when you eat them. As with your choice of lingerie, your selections need to appeal only to you. Look for foods that have an alluring appearance, a seductive taste, or an erotic consistency. Imagine what you will feel as you eat them. Perhaps you derive the most sensual pleasure from sweet, juicy seasonal fruits such as cherries, strawberries, and peaches. Chocolate always is a favorite, as is ice cream. Wine and cheese definitely can create a seductive, sexy mood. Or maybe a steak on the rare side does it for you. Have fun and a sense of humor when filling your basket.

Finally, you'll want to visit your local bookstore. There you will find a selection of erotic literature. Yes, you are in search of pornography. The civilized folks at the store probably label it "erotica"; they have shelves and shelves of it. Your task is to locate this section and choose something wonderful from it. Among my clients, the books with short stories written by women for women seem to be especially popular. Try not to be concerned about what the people at the checkout will think of your purchase. They probably have discovered this tantalizing reading for themselves! (Need ideas? Here are 8 Sexy Reads For Your Bedroom.)

Once you've stocked up on the necessary supplies, schedule an evening alone at a time when you won't be interrupted. Make the final preparations for your own seduction. Consider what music you want to hear. Are scented candles in order? Indulge in whatever will enhance your efforts to feel sexually alive. You may want to begin your evening with a warm bath or relaxation exercise to help distance yourself from the day's events. Then combine your lingerie, food, and erotica in ways that please you. Be slow and passionate about it. Your goal is to make yourself feel good. Savor your sexiness. Welcome this part of you back into your life.