How To Be Tough

What It Really Means To Be Tough

It’s unfair to have a conversation on the subject without mentioning mental toughness, physical toughness’ nerdier twin brother. Unlike physical toughness, mental toughness is almost always a positive thing. In no situation does anyone say, “You know, that was great, but in the future we need you to be a little flakier.” You may not be an intimidating presence, but if you’re able to mentally outmaneuver others or endure tremendous stress, everyone will notice. Men who possess both types of toughness are those society holds in the highest regard — our war heroes and sports stars.

Yes, Tiger Woods could hammer a golf ball over 300 yards in the air (which is physically tough), but it was his mental toughness that allowed him to make that perfect swing in high-pressure situations. Since the world (and his wife) found out about his predilection for boinking cocktail waitresses, he hasn’t been the same. Did he lose his physical edge? No, or at least I don’t see why he would. He lost his mental toughness, and without it, his physical might is almost useless. People thought his greatness made him tough; it was his toughness that made him great.

I think that’s key to understanding toughness, and why so many people get it wrong. We make a knee-jerk association between toughness and results, but not the right one. Beating the hell out of every opponent who steps in front of him doesn’t make Anderson Silva tough; it's his toughness that allows him to beat the hell out of them. It’s the same for the ER doctor who handles atrocious trauma on a daily basis, or the school administrator who manages a school full of sh*thead kids.

Toughness takes discipline. It takes drive. To make it to the top of anything, you’ll have to take more beatings (literal or figurative) than you’ll hand out. Toughness is the ability to take those beatings and continue to achieve without getting discouraged. Special forces in the military are generally considered the toughest among tough men, because they have to overcome so much to join those ranks.

That’s why we value toughness so much. Like any other talent, it’s not something that everyone possesses. I could practice my golf game until my fingers bled, and in the process I’d improve considerably. Still, no amount of practice will turn me into Tiger Woods. It’s the same with toughness. It doesn’t matter how many fights you get in, or how many mountains you climb. You might become a good fighter, or a skilled mountaineer, but there’s no guarantee it’ll make you tough.

Watch for AskMen's 100 Tough Things Every Man Must Do, coming January 21st.