ATHLETES should not be punished for using "recreational drugs" such as cannabis or cocaine.

So, the spitting, foul-mouthed, pampered elite of footballers ought to add drug use to their display of role model virtues, I take it.

This novel theory comes not from some way-out hippie philosopher, but from the Sports Minister Richard Caborn.

Athletes should not risk a performance ban if they used recreational drugs, he told a committee of MPs. "We are in the business of rooting out cheats in sport, not policing," he said. "I would look seriously at the anti-doping list to take off what I believe are the social drugs."

Caborn ruled out a law to prosecute drug cheat athletes in time for the London Olympics, unlike Athens in 2004.

This means 2012 will be the first legalised mind-altering games. We could have new Olympic events in synchronised coke-snorting and relay cannabis smoking.

After which, the fastest run to the nearest accident and emergency unit.

His proposal brings a whole new meaning to speed in sport. On the other hand, it could just be a complete parcel of sphericals.