Monday, December 24, 2012

Soxie Topacio’s “D’ Kilabots: Pogi Brothers Weh” is as
preposterous as its title; its story even more so. Justine (Jose Manalo) lapses into convulsive
seizures every time he comes in contact with a woman. This has prevented him
from pursuing a relationship with Kitty (Pokwang)
who turns to Bruno (Wally Bayola),
Justine’s brother, for romantic denouement. Their eventual marriage has caused
due strain between the siblings to the consternation of their rambunctious
mother (Gina Pareno). Enter Lulu (Solenn Heussaff), the daughter of Sir
Donald (Tirso Cruz III), an
influential businessman.

While Lulu openly fawns over Justine, the latter is adamant, despite
the seemingly mutual attraction. Trouble comes to a head when Bruno decides to
open a lugawan, an enterpreneural bid
that would challenge Justine’s isawan.
What to do? But all these become inconsequential when Bruno discovers the nefarious
plot of Lucio (Michael de Mesa), an
avaricious businessman, who, along with Sir Donald (Lulu's dad), has devised a scheme to
incinerate Justine’s property. Justine's refusal to sell his property prevents Lucio from building a mall in the area.

"Kilabots..." boasts of an all-star cast, with familiar faces gracing the screen for sitcom-style gags: Maricel Soriano and Roderick Paulate play a room switching couple; Vic Sotto as the intervening barangay chairman, German Moreno (with his eternally vomit-inducing "Walang Tulugan" spiel), Aljur Abrenica and Victor Basa as the hunky policemen; Jimmy Santos as the dead father; Jobelle Salvador, Allan K, Nina Jose, Nyoy Volante, et.al. Paolo Ballesteros dolls up (and curiously looking prettier than most women) as the movie enthusiast who spews cinematic lines, movie titles and their date of release. But at some point, the gag loses its novelty. After all, no one remembers lines from "Gaano Kadalas ang Minsan" anymore.

The narrative is an uninspired tripe of calculated situations kept
afloat by an enthusiastic cast. There’s not a lot one can do with borderline ideas and a mediocre
script. Having the gorgeous Heussaff salivate over Manalo is just plain silly.
And being silly doesn't automatically translate into humor. Some ideas are
incoherent, like Justine's supposed attraction with Lulu. When she came to serenade him (Heussaff singing “Ipagpatawad Mo”), he ended up drenching
her with a pail filled with urine. How’s that for good taste? Or is uncouth and revolting behavior supposed
to be funny?

During a public squabble between Justine and Bruno, Gina Pareno (playing their mother) intervened, telling them: “Ang totoong
matapang, nag iisip muna.” I've never heard of such discordant aphorism.
Might does not necessarily translate to intelligence, does it? These desperate narrative
struggles to say something logical underline the absence of a considerable “burden” that should fuel the narrative. The brazen fact is, these issues are a sham. And its film makers have absolutely nothing
to say.

PLAGIARISTS, BEWARE!

Having been a victim of repeated plagiarism, the next time I find a site infringing on my intellectual property, I will report you without warning and employ all effort to take you down and prosecute you.

Do NOT start a blog site if you're just going to prey on the work of others. It really isn't that hard to write your own material, you know. Grade school kids can do it.

STOP BEING PARASITES!

For the Nameless Nobodies!

I will not entertain anonymous messages regardless of how brilliant they are because they don't have "owners" who can vouch for them. If you haven't got a name, I haven't got the time! Cheers!