Welcome to the internet's first page of quotations about the insanity that is known as Black Friday! I must admit that in my younger years I was talked into standing in a couple of 5am lines, but nowadays I just stay home and drink my coffee, in the lovely morning peace and quiet. So however it is you celebrate, ignore, or protest Black Friday or Cyber Monday shopping, I offer you these great quotes on the topic. Enjoy! —tεᖇᖇ¡·g

As you know, Black Friday is the day shoppers go berserk for holiday deals. ~Trey Parker and Matt Stone, South Park, "Black Friday," original airdate 2013 November 13th (season 17, episode 7)

You may have heard of Black Friday and Cyber Monday. There's another day you might want to know about: Giving Tuesday. The idea is pretty straightforward. On the Tuesday after Thanksgiving, shoppers take a break from their gift-buying and donate what they can to charity. ~Bill Gates

Only in America do people trample others for sales exactly one day after being thankful for what they already have. ~Author Unknown

Shopping is a woman thing. It's a contact sport like football. Women enjoy the scrimmage, the noisy crowds, the danger of being trampled to death, and the ecstasy of the purchase. ~Erma Bombeck

Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television. ~Joan Rivers, c.1989 [And now, of course, the internet!—tεᖇᖇ¡·g] #cyber monday

A Christmas shopper's complaint is one of long-standing. ~Author Unknown

People will buy anything that is one to a customer. ~Sinclair Lewis

Consumerism has a religious day called Black Friday. ~Jarod Kintz

Christmas comes only once a year,
Which is lucky, I guess, for me;
For if it should come more often,
In the poorhouse I'd surely be!
Money seems to just melt away
When Christmas begins to draw near;
For, boy! I surely love to buy
For those who, to me, are so dear.
I have the best of intentions
When I go downtown to the store;
I vow I'll not spend very much,
But, oh dear, I spend more and more!
~Gertrude Tooley Buckingham, "My Christmas Troubles" (1940s)

A bargain is something you can't use at a price you can't resist. ~Franklin P. Jones

Shopping tip: You can get shoes for 85 cents at the bowling alley. ~Author Unknown

Once again we find ourselves enmeshed in the Holiday Season, that very special time of year when we join with our loved ones in sharing centuries-old traditions such as trying to find a parking space at the mall. We traditionally do this in my family by driving around the parking lot until we see a shopper emerge from the mall, then we follow her, in very much the same spirit as the Three Wise Men, who 2,000 years ago followed a star, week after week, until it led them to a parking space. ~Dave Barry

The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one. ~Erma Bombeck

The Christmas season has come to mean the period when the public plays Santa Claus to the merchants. ~John Andrew Holmes

Buying something on sale is a very special feeling. In fact, the less I pay for something, the more it is worth to me. I have a dress that I paid so little for that I am afraid to wear it. I could spill something on it, and then how would I replace it for that amount of money? ~Rita Rudner

We used to build civilizations. Now we build shopping malls. ~Bill Bryson

Only one shopping day left 'til tomorrow. ~Author Unknown

Christmas is the season when you buy this year's gifts with next year's money. ~Author Unknown

I shop like a bull — I charge everything! ~Author Unknown

Advertising may be described as the science of arresting the human intelligence long enough to get money from it. ~Stephen Butler Leacock, quoted in Michael Jackman, Crown's Book of Political Quotations, 1982

Be glad that you're greedy; the national economy would collapse if you weren't. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966

Creditors have better memories than debtors. ~Benjamin Franklin

The other line moves faster. ~Etorre's Observation

Anyone who believes the competitive spirit in America is dead has never been in a supermarket when the cashier opens another checkout line. ~Ann Landers

We realize we can't have everything, and so begins the mad scramble to have everything else. ~Robert Brault, rbrault.blogspot.com

Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice. ~Dave Barry, "Christmas Shopping: A Survivor's Guide"

Unless you live in Indonesia, there should be several malls within five miles of your home. It makes no difference whatsoever which one you go to: Under federal law, all malls in the United States must have the same 42 chain stores. ~Dave Barry, "Christmas Shopping: A Survivor's Guide"

If you camp out at the store for a TV, you are a good consumer. If you camp out for social justice, you're a dirty hippie and will be pepper-sprayed. ~Author Unknown

When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking. ~Elayne Boosler

If men liked shopping, they'd call it research. ~Cynthia Nelms

REI is closing on Black Friday. You read that correctly. On November 27, we'll be closing all 143 of our stores and paying our employees to head outside. Here's why we're doing it. For 76 years, our co-op has been dedicated to one thing and one thing only: a life outdoors. We believe that being outside makes our lives better. And Black Friday is the perfect time to remind ourselves of this essential truth. We're a different kind of company—and while the rest of the world is fighting it out in the aisles, we'll be spending our day a little differently. We're choosing to opt outside, and want you to come with us. ~Jerry Stritzke, President & CEO, Recreational Equipment, Inc., October 2015, www.rei.com #OptOutside

Who recalls when folks got along without something if it cost too much? ~Kin Hubbard

Credit buying is much like being drunk. The buzz happens immediately and gives you a lift.... The hangover comes the day after. ~Joyce Brothers

Today, there are three kinds of people: the have's, the have-not's, and the have-not-paid-for-what-they-have's. ~Earl Wilson

To perceive Christmas through its wrappings becomes more difficult with every year. ~Elwyn Brooks White

Money is like manure. You have to spread it around or it smells. ~J. Paul Getty

There must be more to life than having everything! ~Maurice Sendak

A consumer is a shopper who is sore about something. ~Harold Coffin

I detest... the obscene spending bonanza that nowadays seems to occupy not just December, but November and much of October, too. ~Richard Dawkins, quoted in "An Atheist Can Believe in Christmas" by Randy Kennedy, 2006 December 17th, New York Times

The quickest way to know a woman is to go shopping with her. ~Marcelene Cox

I haven't reported my missing credit card to the police because whoever stole it is spending less than my wife. ~Ilie Nastase

Oh, for the good old days when people would stop Christmas shopping when they ran out of money. ~Author Unknown

I always say shopping is cheaper than a psychiatrist. ~Tammy Faye Bakker

Shopping is better than sex. If you're not satisfied after shopping you can make an exchange for something you really like. ~Adrienne Gusoff

But it is a cold, lifeless business when you go to the shops to buy something, which does not represent your life and talent, but a goldsmith's. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

It used to be that people needed products to survive. Now products need people to survive. ~Nicholas Johnson

If instead of a gem, or even a flower, we should cast the gift of a loving thought into the heart of a friend, that would be giving as the angels give. ~George MacDonald

May Peace be your gift at Christmas and your blessing all year through! ~Author Unknown

A hug is a great gift — one size fits all, and it's easy to exchange. ~Author Unknown

The only gift is a portion of thyself. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Stuffocation: being overwhelmed by the stuff one has bought or accumulated. ~Author Unknown

On the one hand, shopping is dependable: You can do it alone, if you lose your heart to something that is wrong for you, you can return it; it's instant gratification and yet something you buy may well last for years. ~Judith Krantz

The only reason a great many American families don't own an elephant is that they have never been offered an elephant for a dollar down and easy weekly payments. ~Mad Magazine

Budget: a mathematical confirmation of your suspicions. ~A.A. Latimer

Business is the art of extracting money from another man's pocket without resorting to violence. ~Max Amsterdam

Advertisers constantly invent cures to which there is no disease. ~Author Unknown

The hardest thing is to take less when you can get more. ~Kin Hubbard

You can never get enough of what you don't need to make you happy. ~Eric Hoffer

The trouble with us in America isn't that the poetry of life has turned to prose, but that it has turned to advertising copy. ~Louis Kronenberger

We can tell our values by looking at our checkbook stubs. ~Gloria Steinem

Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination. ~Oscar Wilde

Earth provides enough to satisfy every man's need, but not every man's greed. ~Mohandas K. Gandhi, quoted in E.F. Schumacher, Small Is Beautiful

The gap in our economy is between what we have and what we think we ought to have — and that is a moral problem, not an economic one. ~Paul Heyne

Economic advance is not the same thing as human progress. ~John Clapham, 1920s

Advertising is an environmental striptease for a world of abundance. ~Marshall McLuhan, introduction to Wilson Bryan Key, Subliminal Seduction: Ad Media's Manipulation of a Not So Innocent America, 1974

With laissez-faire and price atomic,
Ecology's Uneconomic,
But with another kind of logic
Economy's Unecologic.
~Kenneth E. Boulding, in Frank F. Darling and John P. Milton, eds., Future Environments of North America, 1966

Frugality is one of the most beautiful and joyful words in the English language, and yet one that we are culturally cut off from understanding and enjoying. The consumption society has made us feel that happiness lies in having things, and has failed to teach us the happiness of not having things. ~Elise Boulding

It's good to have money and the things that money can buy, but it's good, too, to check up once in a while and make sure that you haven't lost the things that money can't buy. ~George Horace Lorimer

Technology: “the knack of so arranging the world that we don't have to experience it.” ~Max Frisch, c.1960s #cyber monday