Saturday, November 03, 2012

When You Hold Her Hand Back

This is a stemmed from an earlier post which is giving me a headache
now that I look back at it. Can I just elbow the author?

Anyways, these are a few questions to ask yourself before you
decide to give that firm handshake.

Question 1, how do you feel towards her?Question 2, can you vouch that you'd always put her first?Question 3, will you be able be able to hold all your assumptions before consulting your partner about any issues whatsoever?Question 4, will you be able to respect the decisions she makes, who she is, and how she behaves?Question 5, how far are you willing to change or sacrifice for her, and to what extent?Question 6, how will the relationship affect both your future and hers?Question 7, will you be able to set your relationship as a commitment and always honour it?

These are questions to ponder about. You don't have to answer them all
at one go. It can happen periodically as you find out more with that person
as you go out for more dates. But it'd be great if you could answer these all
before actually going serious, especially Q7.

But what you don't know is that the order of ascending importance in
regards to Q1-7, is actually in reverse.

You'd usually already answer Q7 by saying yes to the first date.
Q6 will happen when your talk to her about what you do.
Q5 will prompt when you're willing to finish up more work just so that
you can have a free weekend with her or so.
Q4 will happen when you begin to notice her behaviour and come
across your first disagreements.
Q3 will happen when she just stops contacting you all of a sudden.
Q2 will be answered when Q7-3 are repeated.
Q1's true form will unfold once you do do Q7-2 long enough.

Now, let me just tell you the kinda of person I'm looking for (Nov 2012)

I'm looking for someone who makes me
restless everytime I think of doing something for her,
gives me cold feet everytime I'm expecting to meet her,
makes me motivated to be larger than life
and gives me a heartache whenever I'm not with her
and for most part,
makes me smile from just the slightest glimpse of her.

These things, aren't really things you can control. So if
they're all happening to you, chances are, you better
sort out those 7 questions fast because she just might be it.

I've made the remarks I did back then because I didn't truly
know of the existence of such feelings. Now that I do, that
post just doesn't feel right anymore.

Still, it might be helpful for those who need a good elbow.
Now.. to address the questions.

Question 1, how do you feel towards her?Ask yourself honestly, are you willing to sleep with her?If you're not, that just means your sense of superficialismcan't defeat your sense of wonder in one's character. Because if you could sleep with someone with justpure character alone, man... Man, that must be onehelluva person I'm telling you.

But jokes aside, ask if you've ever found her annoying,or if you're ultimately enjoying your time around her.

Question 2, can you vouch that you'd always put her first?You can never vouch for it 100%. If you can, man, yourdreams must mean nothing to you. Unless if your dreamwas to be with her then... Good for you.Might not be for her though.

But always try your best. If you can't, at least let herknow in advance. Keep disappointments to a minimum.

Question 3, will you be able to hold all your assumptions before consulting your partner about any issues whatsoever?

Fights and arguments happen, usually fueled by piled upassumptions and misconceptions. Always find ways toclear your head before initiating a conversation aboutthe issues.And then ask yourself if the issue is worth the fall of the relationshipwhen things go a bit out of hand. Sometimes it's just better to givein to the little things than to lose it all.

Question 4, will you be able to respect the decisions she makes, who she is, and how she behaves?

Even if you say no, sooner or later you'll soften up and cometo realize that people are just being themselves. So instead of trying to adjust people to you, sometimes you can just do them a favor by adjusting to them instead.Because if you're adjusting and it makes you a better person,that relationship isn't destructive. But if it adjusts you in a very negative way... ask if the love is worth the decompositionof your innate moral values and character.

Question 5, how far are you willing to change or sacrifice for her, and to what extent?

Be realistic. If you say you'd give up your life for her, you better don'tchicken out when she needs a transplant. Don't tell her she's worthmore than your dreams when you know you can't keep it. But if you'realready willing to go as far as reshaping yourself for her, I highly doubt it'd be a problem.

Question 6, how will the relationship affect both your future and hers?Which is why it's always so damned important to talk about yourdreams with other people. If they don't know how big they are toyou and how much you want it, they can't empathize you for it and therefore might lack consideration for you when it comes tothat. If being together helps the both of you advance further inlife, that's a very positive sign you should stay together.Because there are two things that define your highest levelof bliss: By how much you've fulfilled in life, and by how muchyou can share your fulfillments with that person you love.

Ask yourself which one will stick with you longer,your unstable job that you'd retire to when you hit an old age,or a person to enjoy your retirement with until the end of your days?

You can work till you die.Or you can love till you die.And sometimes you can do both.Just remember that people are each unique to their own. Jobs are all about opportunities and how hard you want to find it.

Question 7, will you be able to set your relationship as a commitment and always honour it?

Well, lets rephrase this. Can you not be late for any dates or appointments with her? Can you not cheat her with someone else? Can you not upset her unnecessarily? Can you always make time for her? Can you not disappoint her? Can you see yourself sharing a house together livingas a couple and not just 2 people sharing a roof? When will you propose?Can you tolerate her friends, parents and relatives for the sake of the relationship?

A relationship that's all about you usually doesn't go about the right direction.
Because people can never be perfect. They can be as perfect as they can
afford to be, but if they do so, it's only appropriate if you do the same.

So, if you happen to find someone that gives you insomnia,
gives you stage fright, empowers you, gives you severe lovesickness
and makes you genuinely happier, just make sure that you know
your job and all the success you can have will never be as great
as having her beside you when you do.

Sometimes it might also seem like having her alone would do.

Because chances are, she's so unique that she'd be the only one who
can make you feel that way. So if you've found her, never let her go
at all costs.