We have different expectations
for the different kinds of movies we watch, don’t we?I mean if we
watch a film that features a giant crocodile eating
people, then the chances are we won’t harbor the same
expectation from this movie than say a movie directed by
Martin Scorcese.To
the corollary, if we DO happen to watch a movie directed
by Martin Scorcese, then we would expect that to be of a
higher quality than even the best killer crocodile
movie.So
in essence, we as movie watchers grade the movies we see
on a curve.But
there are those of us out there, and if you’re not one
of them you certainly know one of them, who get all
upset at B-movies because they weren’t directed by
Truffaut and didn’t have Sir Lawrence Oliver in the
lead.We
call those folks ‘Film Snobs’.I am not a film snob.This should
be fairly obvious by the lengthy list of DTV movies and
such that litter this site, but I still expect to be
entertained.Out
of all the horrible sub z level films that the infamous
film group known as The Asylum has dumped on us, it
looks like they’ve gone and outdid themselves by
creating arguably the worst movie in their entire
catalog with the disaster that will now and forever be
known as ‘Supercroc’.

As the 'film' opens we see a
squad of four soldiers walking around in what yet again
appears to be somebody’s extra large backyard looking
for heaven only knows what.Apparently two of our ‘soldiers’
are getting married and they are inanely discussing
things such as their guest list and what to serve at the
reception for what seems to be an eternity.Perhaps they
should focus on the task at hand, and then maybe they
wouldn’t get eaten by the big, fake, CGI crocodile.Somehow, a
fifty foot 3000 pound crocodile ‘sneaks up’ on these
‘soldiers’ and eats one, and yet the other three still
manage not to see the damn thing.Back at the
soldier monitoring command center, which looks
suspiciously like somebody’s bedroom with some computers
in it, the

powers that be are
wondering why their ‘soldiers’ life signs are going
flatline on their computer monitors, and what is that
really large infrared looking crocodile thing that’s
floating about.For this we bring in some expert who says it
may be a swarm of killer bees or even army ants.Exactly.

It’s on now as the croc is
pissed all to hell that the ‘soldiers’ have taken its
eggs, and the ‘soldier’ who lost her fiancée to the
beast is going to make it pay.This little woman turns out be a
crocodile expert.When asked why she knows so much about crocs, she
replies that she’s ‘from Florida’.Silly me, not
knowing that simply being ‘from Florida’ makes one a
crocodile expert, I’m going to ask this dude sitting
across from me what’s the average ground speed of a
crocodile.You
see he’s from Florida too.Well wouldn’t you know, he had no
answer.He
must but one those stupid ass Floridians born WITHOUT
the instant crocodile knowledge gene.Stupid ass
non-crocodile knowledge possessing bastard.

All right, enough already.The only
thing I wanted from ‘Supercroc’ was a fun, silly,
over-the-top, quick moving monster movie.I’d be more
than willing to forgive all the poor acting, crappy
shots, poor lighting, horrible sound, and retarded
special FX if it was just fun a little bit.‘Supercroc’
was lost even before they put the first mini-DV tape in
the machine, way back in the pre-production meetings
when they made the fatal decision to play this straight.If you’re
planning a film about an enormous crocodile that eats
people and is marching on Los Angeles, you had best play
it for laughs unless you have the budget for decent
B-list actors, decent special effects and a decent
production team.Even
mutated croc movies that have all of that knows better
than to play it seriously, say like ‘Lake Placid’ for
instance.

But the most egregious
offense in this crap, considering that they are
playing it like a serious movie with lots off badly
written dialog, is that during a large number of the
scenes where they were lamely explaining the plans and
reasons for this creatures existence, you couldn’t
hear what they were saying anyway because the poorly
composed background music drowned out all of the bad
dialog.Unbelievable!

Something has to go in the
‘Garbage Corner’ this week, and I don’t know what to put
up there.This?Species
3, Lust
for Dracula, Dark
Corners, Honor?Hell, the
choices are many.I think ‘Supercroc’ may win this sweepstakes
because unlike those other films, this one is bad AND
sloppy.Unbelievable!