How To Correctly Operate A Washing Machine

Because once upon a time, I went out with someone who did not know how to wash his clothes. To be fair, lots of people send their laundry out in Manhattan, there’s a dry cleaner on pretty much every corner who will wash and fold for you, it’s perhaps easy to live an entire fully formed adult life without ever working a washing machine. But I believe I said “that’s silly, it’s easy, go, give it a try, you’ll save a very small amount of money.”

“How do I work the machine?” he asked.

“You use the top of the detergent bottle to pour in say, half a cup of detergent. Then you pour it into the machine. Then you dump all your white clothes in one machine. Then you put two dollars in the machine and push start. Then you repeat the process with your colored clothing.”

He went down, carrying laundry. He came back up, explained it did not work.

“Maybe that machine was broken,” I suggested, “Maybe try a different one?”

He went down and returned a second time. “It doesn’t work,” he told me, “it does not work.”

So I went down and investigated.

He was throwing all the coins in on top of his clothes and hoping the machine would start because it could “feel money or something.”