Parish Rebukes Vicar’s Plan For In-Church Millennial Pooping

One vicar’s efforts to attract more [Millennials] to services by installing a convenient loo has been opposed by his parishioners as “undignified”.

Plans to install unisex toilets as part of a refurbishment of St Mary the Virgin in Wotton-under-Edge, Gloucestershire, met with ire from opponents who said that toilets in churches were a “current fad”…

Objectors John and Mary Downs conceded “the modern generation’s need…to have immediate access to toilet facilities” but objected to the noise and smell they said the facilities would produce.

Among a list of objections were “Noise disturbance and distraction during services (creaking/slamming/clicking doors/footfall/water running/flushing),” “smells (cleaning fluids/sprays)”, as well as the concern that “toilets attract children”. [more]

Conspicuously absent is any mention of the pernicious aroma of human fecal matter, which you just know is the only real objection those adorably repressed Anglicans have. Because if there’s one thing they fear more than Satan, it’s gagging over their neighbors’ rectal vapors while they’re trying to choke down that God-awful communion host!