I have been very recently informed of a critical piece of satire aimed
at me in a comic strip known as "Dockers". Specifically, this
satirical comic strip implied that I have been using drugs or other
artificial stimulants. It is not known to me if this comic strip is
in some way affiliated with the well-known garment manufacturer.

As the creator of Star Wars, I must first state that I take these
accusations very seriously. No one knows better than I the side
effects of massive drug abuse. I too have felt the exhilirating high
from several cans of Mello Yello. I too have become manic and crazy
after eating a package of Oreos. I too have stripped naked and
experienced prolonged blackouts after finishing a case of O'Douls. It
is no laughing matter.

Moreover, I've seen the effects of drug use in others. And whenever I
could, I worked to put a stop to it. I wrestled Harrison Ford to the
ground to pry away the whiskey bottle that had become his best friend
and worst enemy during the shooting of Return of the Jedi. I pleaded
with Mark Hamill not to augment his performance with No-Doz for the
climactic showdown in Empire. And in an effort to keep my set
"clean", I even confined Carrie Fisher to doing a line only after
every other take.

My war on drugs has a personal perspective as well. Last summer--and
this is the first time I have publicly acknowledged this--my son Jet
had a bong surgically grafted onto his face. We're still in
counseling, and while the bong remains in place, I feel confident in
the progress of our therapy.

Yes, it would be all too easy for someone in my position to resort to
drugs of every variety to cope with the stresses of being George
Walton Lucas. Yes, I get asked very often whether this or that
creative decision was the result of mind-altering chemicals. I have
always felt and continue to feel, pending the advice of my attorneys,
that I have never used drugs to come up with any of my fantastic
ideas. I get my highs from life, and from good, clean electrical
stimulants. NOT from chemicals of any kind.

Lastly, I would say this to the creator of Dockers: Show me your
Yoda. You chump.