Editorial + High Fashion Model. Creative Director.

I have something incredible to share with you! My friend Cera is a dancer but also a body love coach. Her goal is to help women and femmes find the best parts of themselves and love them until they can’t love anymore.

She is hosting her second session of The BodyLove Lab starting May 1 through June 19th. Seven weeks of learning to listen and communicate with your body using Cera’s 6 Pillars Of BodyLove.

The lab is limited to 50 participants and it’s truly an investment in yourself, self worth, and future. We need to take care of our minds before anything else, and use our minds to love ourselves.

For more information and to sign up for this incredible journey, please click here.

I am so excited for all of you who choose to embark on this journey because everyone deserves this

Y’all I had an amazing video chat with Victoria of BAM POW LIFE talking about the modeling industry, how you can be fat but you have to be pretty and fat, the differences in actual body positivity and made up body positivity, intersectional feminism (and how white women need to step up), and fat activism.

Everyone says we have to “take the good with the bad” but shouldn’t it be “the bad with the good”?

Well, I do. At least I try. That’s when my car died this month, I had to figure it out. I took a day overcome with anxiety about my car, my transportation, my job, and my apartment paid for my job. Then, with help from my mother, got some shit together and started my car search.

I somehow submitted my information for a Silverado (not my car of choice) online and Betty at Harbor Chevrolet called me. The next day I was there for a test drive. The car I went for had been sold but Betty had a 2011 Sonata for me instead. I did some papaerwork and called the parents to make a game plan. Monday I was to find out if my car was actually dead or if I could help her gimp along for a while. She was dead.

Monday evening I was there at Harbor Chevrolet (and Hyundai) signing papers for my new partner in crime. Her name is Nadia and she’s a sassy, quick, fancy bitch. We are in this together because she’s gotta help me get to work and I’ve got to keep her running. Just her and me.

Also, I bought a bed right before I knew I needed a down-payment on a car. But holy shit, Nectar makes an amazing mattress and I’m not getting paid for this. It truly is fantastic.

It means I’ve spent over a decade as an “adult.” It means I’m no longer able to use “young and stupid” as an excuse. It means that society expects me to have my shit together. It means I'm hitting a road marker that is traditionally seen as the beginning of the end.

I’m ready, I think. It’s not like I’m magically going to turn into an old lady or that my biological clock is going to kick in as soon as the clock strikes midnight on my birthday. (Like, if that hasn’t happened already, I’m not expecting it to.) I’ve been working on me throughout 28/29 so 30 should be no different.

I see my friends and family over the age of 30 and if they survived, I sure as hell will.

Stop beating yourself up over this day. It’s the 14th of February and does not have to hold any significance.

I was in a store today and overheard a conversation about how these middle aged people didn’t know that it falls on the 14th every year; one said “it’s usually a Thursday.” So, if these people can’t be bothered to learn what day Valentine’s Day is then you shouldn’t be bothered by it either.

If you do have someone, don’t feel obligated to spend a ridiculous amount of money to prove anything to anyone. A cute gesture should be enough. If it’s not, find yourself a different partner.

Enjoy the day, and eat the candy. Punch people who pinch you for not wearing red. And take advantage of the lingerie sales because everyone deserves more lingerie always.

Y'all. I have been keeping this diary for one year. I did a pretty good job, I think. Of 52 weeks, I wrote 40 posts. I mean, that is pretty good, right? For a model with a full-time job?

Well, at least I kept to what I said I would. I have just written about my life, and my experiences. Ranted a few times. Tried to help others a few more times. Shared really great and exciting information with all of you. I know my blog doesn't get a ton of traffic (who wants to read anymore anyway?) but those of you who do read, "thanks."

Any kind of support for your friends and family is important. I know everyone always says monetary support is the best, but it isn't always. Sometimes just reading an article, sharing a photo, pushing "like," or posting "<3" under a photo means the world. Truly. Nothing in this world is free when it comes to business so when friends and family show support in the small, free ways, it helps.

Our world is caught up in making money, being lazy, and posting thirst traps. (If you're reading this and don't know what a thirst trap is, there is a link right here to Urban Dictionary. You're welcome. Come back and finish reading this when you're done.) Our lives should be more than how much money is in the bank, how we can get out of doing any real work, and how many creepy-ass men/women are commenting nasty pervert shit on your photos. Some people would disagree - I don't care. My life is more than that. I want to make a difference in the world and not just by giving money to people.

I recently learned about Saturn's Return. Holy. Fuck. Have you heard about this? Saturn takes about 29 years to make it's way around the Sun once (full orbit), which means it comes back into the position it was in when you were born 29 years later. Well, 29.5-ish. This means when everyone says that the 29th year threw some shit at them, THIS IS WHY. It is a time where big things happen in your life; you change jobs, you find the love of your life, your finances get turned upside down. Sometimes really great things happen, and sometimes really shitty things happen. Mostly, a combo of both get thrown at you. No worries if you get off lucky before your 30th, it happens again right before your 60th! So that's fun....

Some of y'all are probably rolling your eyes at me with this astrology shit, but don't you judge me if you sit there living your life by a book about a guy who happened to be born from a woman who "never had sex." I trust this more than some floating entity. At least I can physically tell when my period gets fucked up by the lunar cycle. Anyway, I believe this is what is happening in my life. Saturn's Return. It makes sense in my life right now. I want something more out of life - I want to change jobs and get married and move into a big house and fix my finances and help other people. I want to come into my own.

This is long and I didn't mean to bring up Saturn's Return but it has been on my mind. A lot has been on my mind. Life is hard, and that's ok. None of us make it out alive.

Y’all. I’m high. Like while I’m writing this. Congrats to Cali making weed legal! But, I have had my med card for a few months before the law went into effect.

I use weed for my anxiety and PTSD. It has been a weird learning experience.

I didn’t use any kind of drugs in high school, or college for that matter. Drank my weight ten times over in alcohol while in college but never smoked anything. Which means, I don’t have any idea what I’m doing.

I bought a pipe. I bought a ton of lighters. I bought an ashtray and grinder. Y’all. I came prepared. Nope, not at all actually. Hahaha I didn’t buy anything to smoke with the first time I bought weed. So there’s that. But I’m learning.

I’m high. If you’ve made it this far, I applaud you. I’m gonna go wait for some pupusas so I’ll come back next week for my one year blog anniversary!

There is a lot of weight that comes with the word “creative.” People expect a lot from you, or very little. The idea that creative minds are somehow less deserving of respect or wages is atrocious. However, the idea that creative minds should be worshipped is also bizarre.

We begin our lives as children who are encouraged to be as creative as possible. “The sky’s the limit!” But as we age, adults rein in that imagination and lust for other-worldly connections. Why? Because we “have to grow up?” What does being as adult have to do with creativeness, or lack thereof? How come we teach these qualities out of children? Perhaps because adults can’t fathom other adults living their creative dreams?

Possessing creativeness as an adult is only celebrated in a few instances; small doses (like organizing the office space with something outside the box) , celebrity status (though many can argue that many celebrities aren’t creative, but only employ teams of them to keep appearances), and as hobbies. Why is it frowned upon for adults to hold careers where their creativeness shines, without being a celebrity?

That was a long-winded intro. Especially when my main point is that I’ve lived an adult life trying to grab hold of a career where my creativeness would be celebrated. This is why I’m adding “creative director” to my resume. I’m not going to stop modeling, and I still have my day job. But, I am very excited to be working on my creative director portfolio and resume. I figured it was time to gather all of my skills into one career path and this seemed the most natural.