Funniness

I fell asleep on the couch about 2 hours ago, and DB thought I was down for the count, so he rented (on pay-per-view) the stupid new X-files movie. Which will give me insane nightmares. He probably would have been right that I was asleep for the night, but I woke up to puke, so…hello, X-files. I decided to blog.

I started this post that is a) not funny, b) very personal, and c) very necessary, but I really don’t have it in me right now to finish it, so chances are when you look at this blog tomorrow, it will be the first thing that pops up. Read it. It is way more important than this post.

ANYway, this movie is cra-zy. I have no idea what is going on, but the music is scary. As if I don’t have enough crazy dreams on my very very own.

Today, DB and I decided to go rug shopping. We are trying to refinish or replace the hardwood floors in our place (big HUGE debate that really has no end – to replace, which is a LOT easier and way more expensive, and has no chemicals, or to refinish, which is better for environment, a lot cheaper, and WAY more of a PITA – oh, plus the whole chemical issue) (but either way, the stupid floors need attention – they are splintering and it’s not so much of an option with a small child on the way – hello, child’s knees, what do you mean you don’t like splinters?), and we I want to buy a big area rug to help out the child’s knees, and make it warmer, and be nicer on our feet, etc, etc, etc. So we headed to a cheap place for said rug.

This place is HUGE. I’ve been meaning to go for the last four years but haven’t ever made it there. They have discount everything – socks, pet toys, carpets, crappy couches – and although the stuff is mostly new, it’s pretty dusty. So we beelined for the rugs. The handmade “Oriental” (I HATE THAT TERM) rugs. The 9*12 kind.

The deebster and I begin to paw through said rugs. There were some good ones, some hideous ones, etc, and every one I picked out was APPARENTLY expensive. I have a knack for this. I have no idea *why* I pick out the most expensive rug in the stack, but every stack, I do. So the options we had at the end of the “handmade” stack ran around $1700 – $2000. (Is that a good price? Anyone? Because it doesn’t seem that great to me, but honestly, I am not a hugely knowledgable in this area. Feel free to enlighten me. We didn’t purchase said rug.)

Moving on…we headed to the “Machine-made” “ORIENTAL” (Hate that word again) rugs. Still with me here? Also 9*12, also some okay, some hideous (none amazing), but the price – get this – $150.

DB – he is so damn cheap – was *THRILLED*.

DB: “Man, we could puke ALL OVER this thing!”

Me: “Yup.”

(People are beginning to stare at us.)

DB: “The dog could puke on it, and the cat could puke on it, and we could just be like, ‘oh well!’ It was cheap!”

Me: “Uh-huh, hon…”

(This is totally getting marginally embarrassing. He does have a point – our animals seem to love puking on soft surfaces – but really?!? In the store, must we discuss this?)

DB: “I mean, we could SLEEP, and we’d hear the dog YACK, and we could just WAIT UNTIL MORNING to clean it up!”

Me: “We would never do that, honey.” (Right?!? RIGHT?!?!? WHO WOULD IGNORE THEIR ANIMAL’S VOMIT?!?)

DB: “I mean, it would be like THIS” – and PROCEEDS TO DEMONSTRATE, getting on all fours on the massive rug stack, for the startled onlookers as to how, exactly, our dog and cat vomit. I’ll give you a hint. There is a lot of ramp-up involving very big heaves prior to each animal’s yacking. There is gagging. His stomach wagged up and down. His ASS WAS IN THE AIR.

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4 comments

Bwahahahaha. DB, whom I envision as a super-tough guy, on the random carpet at the random carpet store actually demonstrating on hands and knees how the pets would look tossing their tummies on the rug. I picked a good time to start blog stalking you! And your sharing the story with all is just what he gets for ordering the X-files movie which I heard was really bad (but I never got into X-Files AT ALL so what do I know).

Thanks for the laugh…but if you are looking for rugs…i highly recommend carpet tiles. I have a huge “carpet rug” in my living room. I picked out 6 colors and laid them out in a grid i liked. go see flor (dot) com.

I second flor for the carpet tiles. While I don’t think they are necessarily cheaper for the really nice, plush tiles, we did get the equivalent of an 8×10 for about 150 (i think 160something with shipping). That was by far the cheapest I found. The tiles aren’t incredibly thick, but I’m hoping they’ll do the job of offering come kind of buffer between the baby and our downstairs neighbor. You should also check out places that have carpet remnants. Apparently there are places that sell the remains of wall to wall carpeting jobs and those tend to be more reasonably priced than area rugs- which are soooo expensive. Good luck- finding inexpensive rugs is a pita!