I stumbled across a site the other day as I was doing research on the internet. I wanted to know how mom's balance it all--especially those that work. There's this board for Doctor moms called MomMD. Its a place where women doctors can talk about their practice, issues in medicine, and of course, parenting. Doctor moms have it rough. Their issues range from finding an au pair for 80 hours a week while they work, to their child prefering the grandmother over them (because the mom never gets time with her own child). The top issue on the parenting forum is Nanny's/Au pairs, and it currently has 56328 views. One woman, aptly named "tsunami" described the situation she is in as a mother. Here was her post:

"Hi all! Just want your input. I am going to be a 1st time mom in October. Is it required that au pairs and live-in nannies have their own rooms? I am in fellowship right now, and we live in a 2 BR condo. I'm expecting twins in October.

I have started looking into live-out nannies, and they are asking about $1000 a week to care for twin infants 55 hours/wk. (This is more than my fellow's salary) Going rate for nannies in my area is $15/hr for 1 child, so because I will have twin infants, its more work and they want to be paid more. In any case, I need to finish my training. my mother and my MIL (both who don't live nearby) feel that since I will be going back to fellowship soon after the babies are born, I will probably need help at night too. A live-in would be ideal, but we don't have an extra bedroom, and we can't really afford to buy another home right now, especially since my OB put me on bedrest at 21 wks and I have to be on UNPAID leave until I deliver.

I suppose an au pair would not work for me because we need more than 45 hours a week. I can't really say, "OK, I can't admit this patient right now. gotta go relieve my au pair" especially when I am in charge of the inpatient service.

My husband has made it clear that since he works full-time during the day, he needs his rest at night so that he can function at work, so he will not be helping. Can I take care of 2 newborns through the night and then work my normal 12 hr days and take call every 4th night? I cannot ask to cut down on my schedule because everyone takes turns covering the same service and they are already doing a favor by arranging my schedule so that I can take the time off for bedrest and maternity leave.

When do babies start sleeping through the night?

For those of you who had kids during your medical training, how did you finance childcare for your children when the nanny gets paid a significant amount more than your resident/fellow's salary? ...

I suppose I can moonlight, but then I would never see my babies. I never thought 12 years ago that my decision to go to med school would make life so complicated. Even 7 years after graduating from medical school, I'm still in training earning peanuts to work long hours, and I can't find anyone to look after my children for more than 40 hr/wk without paying them more than I actually make. "

Can you believe this? This woman is working up to 80 hours a week, 7 years after medical school, and cannot even be with the children she has waited so long to have. Now, I know that I am assuming she would make the choice to stay home more if she could, but considering that that appears not to be an option (loans, continuing her fellowship), she needs a full-time nanny.

I think that one of the problems we have as a society is that we ignore the impossible roles we are asking women to play. Women talk about "breaking the glass ceiling" in our careers, but then we find that the cost of doing this is more that what we are willing to pay. Then we are stuck. Think about it. This woman is probably about 200,000 dollars in debt (this is around what medical school now costs), and she has no way of pursuing full-time (or even part-time) mom-hood because she wanted to help people as a doctor---a noble aspiration. Now, from talking to older generations, I understand that my issues with modern womanhood might seem petty and trite in the face of the options women used to (not) have. Yesterday, when I was talking to my grandmother, she told me that "college was never an option for me--it was only an option for the boys. I didn't even consider going to college".

Well...I went to college, I am part of the white, middle to upper class. I have choices.So what's my problem? Am I saying that I'm dissatisfied with what it means to be a woman in this world?

Actually, yes. Is it really too much to ask for women to be given an alternative vocational track? For example, why can't a mom who is a doctor have forbearance on her loans (and hopefully subsidized interest rates) while she is having kids? Why can't there be a year long maternity leave for women who want to spend a precious year being a mother? Why can't it be normal in women's career tracks for them to take 1-6 years off from their professional lives, and then be welcomed back in with a slap on the back for serving their country by taking care of its future? I think that my problem is that we value women's roles as mothers so little that we offer no accomodations for important jobs at home. Its almost like a woman must choose between being a smart professional with respect for her education/career, and being a mom (simultaneously dropping off the cliff into momhood martyrdom).