@dextra - it's definitely eczema? I had what my Dr thought was eczema a few years back, and it turned out to be fungal dermatitis– they kept giving me steroid cream, which just seem to make it worse and worse, until they put me on a course of antifungals for a toenail infection and the skin problem went, and has never returned. anyway, I hope it gets better soon.

@JP Carpenter - Yeah, it's definitely eczema. I've been dealing with it on and off for about a decade now. I have had mostly mild breakouts since the first one, but this one has been pretty severe, and exacerbated by my current job. I've been pretty stressed out due to a lot of family issues and other stuff, which is usually the trigger for this. It comes and goes, and is usually just a mild annoyance. This time it's being a major pain just due to the size of the rashes and the fact that it's my hands and feet.

@dextra: I feel for you, as I have awful what-the-Dr-says-is-eczema on my left hand, and It's really doing my head in. Like JP said, I've been putting steroid cream on it for years, and the last stuff I was putting on did nothing. I'm currently trying fucidic acid/betametasone, which is basically just more steroid cream. It's not as bad as it used to be, and seems to flare-up when I'm stressed. I think I'll take on JP's advice, and see if I can get some antifungal shit.

- Alan and I decided that we're better off as friends. While that part is Boo, check out the YAY section later. But if you want the Cliffs Notes, it was mutual, we made with the funny on the day of and we're actually still friends. Just...sad. I ended up crying for a while over it.

- Weight has reached a "nope, not budging" stage. Frustrated.

- A lot of the plants I started growing indoors a month ago have died. Jalapenos are all that's left.

- Got hired to edit a commercial and was told that it was OMG SUPER URGENT HAVE IT DONE QUICKLY only to have my requests for feedback and info that I need to go ahead either ignored or having a response time that is delayed by days. At this rate I won't have it done by the time I go to NYC, which is when I wanted it to at LEAST be ready for approval. Not going to happen, I don't think.

YAY:

- As I said, the breakup was one of those mutual "we're better off as friends" things that you don't believe happen. It actually did happen and still talk regularly and...I'm really glad he's remaining in my life and that I have a kick-ass friend in him.

- Going to NYC on Wednesday and will be there until Sunday morning! Will try and meet Whitechapel friends there.

- Just planted some chicory in the garden and some basil in a pot. Looking good for both of them. Also man, those Jalapeno seedlings are getting strong. Have started hardening them off. I'm just concerned about my time away and lack of watering. But hopefully it'll work out.

- Had a relaxing weekend of just...watching Euro 2012 and sitting out on the porch with a nice beer. Sleep has been better than usual too. Will be ending the weekend with a full-on pampering...thing.

The Boo: I have a dreadful pain in the back of my head. Something is definitely wrong with my neck and I'm going to the chiropractor today.

The Hurrah: I'm trying out a Tibetian meditation technique called tummo. This meditation is supposed to raise body temperature and keep it raised even in wintry conditions. Don't believe it? Well, there's Wim Hof the Iceman who tried to climb Mt Everest wearing shorts because he was such a master of this technique.

Boo/ugly/annoying/bad: So the week that was regarded working on a play so hard that I had waking dreams about it, anxiety fucking over my breathing on opening night, actors making me cry by pulling fucking attitude on me, going to someone for help and being turned down hard.

Also realized I went a little too crazy with putting a half tank of gas in the truck - should have put in just a quarter. The minimum to get home again. Then paid bills and then turned around to ask for financial help. All this hard work and... I don't know how I'm going to pay my truck registration, gas, phone or credit card bills. *sigh* Oh but I'm living the life doing my art.

Also the power cord to the computer is fubar'd. Twist and twist it so it'll connect and it'll hold together for a second or a few hours. I never know. The Internet tells me a replacement is between five dollars and fifty-five. So fucking tired of being on hand me down broken as shit. I'm the fourth owner of this laptop. My other POS is nearly a decade old. The good laptop that I killed back in October was barely a year old but it was borrowed from my mom. That good laptop was the only one new enough to use Skype-video on. Not having it has screwed me out of a few opportunities. Not to mention the freaking gas guzzling truck I bought off my parents after a drunk driver totaled my car a few years ago and I couldn't afford anything better without a job costs me a bundle purely because it's a gas guzzler - costs more in registration and insurance as well as gas. And I don't get a trunk in which I can leave things. I can tow things in the bed. Yay. I can't leave anything in it. And my current phone is also a hand-me-down... ARGH. Will I ever be able to provide for myself again?? will I ever be able to have new things that I can rely on again?! DAMMIT.

GOOD: I do think our play is amazing. And I do think I've become a better theatre artist for having worked on it. Plus tech is over now, so it's just weekends of shows for a little while. Now I can go back to voice over work, and god the gym! I can go to the gym again! (Once my period ends, because of course it would get going just I finally get a break.)

I'm sure there are more good things from the past week. People have said nice things to me about running the show. But I know I'm making mistakes, which I hate. It's rather gotten under my skin.

Otherwise, it's just all the usual things that haven't gone bad yet. My dad is still alive so I have the enviable problem of deciding to spend time with the cranky bastard or fucking off to the theatre this Sunday. My mom is still generous so I have nice problem of facing her to ask for more money for my bills. Siblings are around and talking to me so I get to call them up and touch the base and apologize for missing niece's end of school year party and MB's birthday and catch up on anime with BB.... silver linings, right?

The Hang in there: @Dextra - hang in there chica. anxiety makes illnesses more acute as well as more chronic. So breathe, friend, breathe.