A woman from Morocco, has lived in France for eight years with a French husband, has three French children and speaks fluent French, was refused citizenship recently on grounds of being insufficiently assimilated. The conseil d'etat said Faiza Silmi's way of life does not reflect "French values", particularly the goal of gender equality. The judgment claims she lives in "total submission" to the men in her life because she wears the niqab, which covers all of the face except the eyes. The decision was approved by commentators from right, left and centre. Fadela Amara, the urban affairs minister, called Silmi's clothing a "prison" and a "straitjacket". Predictable debates about fundamentalism unfolded in the media, with Silmi appearing as a strange, distant object.

What does Silmi herself say? The website Jeuneafrique.com has just published her first interview with the French press, corroborating another in the New York Times. Silmi's voice emerges clearly:

I am not submissive to the men in my family nor do I lead the life of a recluse and I go out when I want. When I drive my car, I wear my niqab. I alone decided to wear it, after reading some books. I respect the law and my husband respects my decisions.

While she talked, her husband served tea.

There is no universally accepted definition of gender equality. For some, the simple act of wearing a veil proves Silmi is oppressed. Others see her as having made choices, adapted, evolved. Silmi does not proselytise about religion or gender, but she does not like men staring at her in the street. While some observers interpret her adoption of more traditional clothes than she wore in Morocco as a sign of regression, Silmi demonstrates a typical migrant desire to validate the past while finding her way in a new life. This is a process and she may well change her style again in years to come.

Candidates on dating sites like Muslima.com reveal an array of headgear. Some describe themselves as modest, long considered a positive trait. Are we now meant to believe that bare arms, face, calves, midriffs and cleavage are not simply fashion but a progressive state of dress? Societies teem with differing ideas about what kinds of clothing denotes modesty, liberation, oppression, equality, sexiness and beauty. One wonders whether the social workers and judges in Silmi's case believe no one influences their own clothing choices.

Western societies like to think they are at the forefront of a cultural timeline that applies in the same way to all cultures. A neocolonialist predisposition to see migrant women as oppressed and backward becomes inevitable but, logically, if Silmi is insufficiently evolved then many women born in Europe also do not deserve their citizenship: those who stay with violent partners, perhaps, or who fail to work outside the home.

Many countries require longtime foreign residents to pass language and culture tests before being allowed to naturalise. It would be nice to avoid judgments based on the most superficial and cliched of markers: how women look.

The Manhattan Institute has produced an assimilation index comparing the census data of different migrant groups with the established US population. The measures are economic (jobs, education, home ownership), cultural (language, marriage, childbearing) and civic (naturalisation, military service). Most groups do better by one measure than others. In this scheme, Silmi's desire – and two attempts – to become French would count as indicating more assimilation.

Instead, she and her husband feel alienated and rejected. What exactly did France gain with that result?