Full time working mom, wife, student and Jill of all trades.

One goal that I had for 2019 was to network and meet more women. As easy as it sounds, this goal was a big deal for me to commit to. While I love making new connections, it can sometimes be uncomfortable for me since I am an introvert.

Atlanta is known for being the Black Mecca of the South. From entertainment to history, it’s rich culture is undeniable. Moving from San Marcos, CA, a suburb of San Diego, I was overwhelmed with so many options to choose from. A lot of the things I missed while living in San Diego was at every corner here in Atlanta: Beauty supply stores, brown skinned baby dolls for my daughter, doctors who look like me and listened to me, real soul food…etc. The only thing I do not care for is the crowds. I typically try to steer clear of major events happening downtown Atlanta.

Last week, I had the pleasure of attending Let’s Get Glowing, a wellness event, presented by I’m Just Sakinah. It was nice and intimate, just how I prefer. The motivation behind Sakinah hosting this was the stark statistics of Black women having higher rates of many illnesses, such as hypertension, breast cancer, diabetes, stroke and lupus.

Let’s Get Glowing aimed to help women jump start their year off by focusing on total health. Sakinah created a safe space where women could learn things that would not only carry them through the year, but life in general.

Attendees started off with a yoga session with Tia, Eat. Trap. Love I did not get out of church in time to catch it. I am open to new experiences as long as the music is not vulgar. I am overprotective of what I allow into my spirit and subconscious. If you like trap music and practice yoga, you can contact Tia to get your OM on while rapping Two Chainz as your mantra. #balance 🙂

Whitney shared a wealth of information about better food choices

Next, was a healthy eating seminar by Whitney, who offered information for a plant based lifestyle and fun/healthy alternatives to snack without compromising your health. Going plant-based is not as difficult or restrictive as most people think it is. I love how Whitney showed different examples of how our food has changed over the years (size and overall quality–gmo, anyone?) and just how much sugar you are consuming with certain products. It’s one thing to read a label, but when you see a ziplock bag full of sugar, it makes you want to think twice about drinking Kool-Aid. She also, showed a plate with proper portions. Remember, we eat to live.

Healthy snacks

Lastly, Sakinah had everyone do a vision journal. All of the necessary supplies were provided, which is always a plus. A ton of magazines, cute stickers, positive word phrases and affirmations all while eating a delicious lunch that was Daniel Fast friendly (score!).

I am a firm believer in writing the vision and making it plain (Habakkuk 2:2). I am still doing a vision board, but this journal will be useful in helping me keep track of my progress of accomplishing all that I set out to do this year.

Every woman wrote a letter to herself on the first page, which is indicative of putting yourself first. #gentlereminder This journal will help me hold myself accountable. I look forward to reading it at the end of this year. If there is one person I don’t like to let down, it’s me.

Overall, I believe the Let’s Get Glowing wellness seminar was great and offered useful information. The only thing is I wish more women could have benefited from it.

Jeremiah 29:11For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

This scripture does not say anything about God knowing the plans that I have for myself. Lately, my prayer has been for my will to align with God’s will for my life. Relinquish control and trust Him as my copilot pilot. Gone are the days when I make plans, then ask for favor and blessings. I now seek Him FIRST, so that everything I pursue will prosper.

One Saturday this past April, I told a few coworkers that I was only there for a short time. “I know that I am on assignment, but when I am released, I’m gone. I was planted to be a light in a dark place.” I was fed up. I witnessed way too many things that I did not like. A lot of healthcare professionals in the field that don’t really care. As my sister cousin says, “We are strategically placed in areas where there is a need.” Once your job is done, then exodus is on the horizon.

The new schedule came out that following Tuesday, and I learned that I was scheduled for every single Sunday in May. Working every other weekend was a compromise, but I was not willing to lose all my Sundays.

My husband told me to put my notice in. I knew it was God speaking through him. I had just said I was waiting on my release but I needed a CLEAR word. I did not want to leave prematurely or based off emotion. At the same time, I was playing it safe and waiting until I had another job lined up. But I chose to take the leap of faith. Not because we had a huge stash of money saved. He relies on our Father just like I do.

“When you step out on permission, you step out on power and The Word holds you up.” –Pastor TJ McBride

It is now December. I have been a Stay At Home Mom for eight months. It’s a lot of work and I always drop the ball, lol. I would say that I’m a work at home mom (barely), but I’ve been focusing on my own health and knocking out these last few classes before I apply to Nursing School.

Write the Vision

My vision board included wellness at work, because I was unhappy at my place of employment. It was draining all of my energy. I would give my best for 8-12 hours and give the rest to my family which was usually stress and frustration mixed with exhaustion.

This has been the longest period of time I have not worked. It is also the first time in the almost 16 years I’ve been a mom that I’ve been able to spend time with my children. And rest. No forced overtime or talking myself into showing up to a job that I hate.

I was offered four different positions the same week I submitted my resignation. I’ve lost track of the number of job offers I declined. I finally know my worth. And I realize that life is too short to be unfulfilled.

I intend to leave a mark everywhere that I go. I hope to be a better version of myself with each trip around the sun. I spent this year reflecting and trying to figure out my true purpose in life. I felt like I wasted a lot of time and talent, but I know that I am currently where I’m supposed to be.

I built a house with words on my vision board not realizing it was prophetic. Weeks later, we were pre-approved to build our first home. I am finally understanding that I really can build my legacy with words. Duh *insert facepalm*

I have so much in store for you guys/gals next year. Please, continue to share my blog and subscribe if you have not already done so. You will be the first to know what I have up my sleeve. Thank you for journeying with me!

My daughter tried out for the Cheerleading Team at school this year. I was proud of her for the courage to try something new. There were only 20 spots available. I made it clear to her that even if all the girls who tried out did well, people were going to be cut.

While I always speak greatness into my children, I am not the type of mom that’s irrational. I would be doing them a disservice if I did not prepare them for the real world. They will be faced with rejection and disappointment. They will have to navigate certain paths alone; I will not always be able to hold their hand through difficult times. Failure is inevitable. Steph Curry makes less than 50% of his three pointer shots, but the point is he. kept. shooting.

We had a discussion about her expectations beforehand. She said that she did not care either way, because she could always try again next year. It was a three day process. She felt super confident the first two days, but the last day was a different story. The next day at school, she received the dreaded news. She said, “Honestly, I was not expecting that. I really didn’t think that I would be one to NOT make the team. I had a little melt down because it caught me off guard.” Immediately, I had to validate her feelings.

I knew she was feeling disappointed and probably even embarrassed. The majority of her friends made the team. I knew she felt like she was not good enough. In that moment, I had to be HER cheerleader.

In sports, the cheerleaders literally improve the morale of the entire team by their positive attitude. Cheerleaders instill hope in the players even when they stop believing in their own ability to win. The football team can be losing and the basketball team can be trash, but the cheerleaders will show up to every game cheering them on no less. We have to remember to do that for our kids.

I made sure that even at eight years old, she understands that her self worth should not be based on what someone else thinks of her or a title that she has. Losing and failure is apart of life. It builds character and makes you work that much harder next time. It also makes you appreciate victory. While making the team would have been great, it does not add to nor take away from who she is as a person.

Of course, I had to throw in the “You are one of the very few students in the Talented and Gifted program. That shows that you stand out from amongst your peers. That in and of itself proves that you are a distinguished student. Try again next year. Be more fierce and make them regret not selecting you sooner. Bring it on!”

I’m not always sure that I’m doing this mommy thing right. I know I can stand to have a lot more patience and should probably retire from being the female version of Major Payne. But, when it comes to building my babies up and speaking affirmations over their lives? Oh, I got that in the bag.

We don’t run from challenges or crumble from defeat. Failure and disappointment does not define you; how you respond to it does. Chin up, shoulders back, and try again.

And they have defeated him by the blood of the Lamb and by their testimony. And they did not love their lives so much that they were afraid to die. Revelation 12:11 NLT

This photo is a testimony by itself. “How does it feel to be working again,” my son asked. “I’m so grateful to be here,” I replied.

The last time I served, I had a seizure. It happened in the middle of me talking to someone. Imagine talking, losing your train of thought, stuttering when you normally don’t, mouth twisting, then suddenly not being able to breathe.

Sidebar: [My husband sends pictures to my mom in love when we are volunteering. He just so happened to walk into the hallway moments before the seizure to take pictures per usual. He saw my face through the camera lens and walked towards me. Because, I could not speak I just looked at him, with fear in my eyes and tried to make my way to him, before collapsing in his arms].

I thought I was having a stroke because of my mouth twisting. Then, I thought I was dying because I could not breathe. LOL. I can laugh at how dramatic I am now that it’s over. I remember saying, “Jesus help me,” in my mind. At that moment, my husband grabbed my face and calmly said to himself I was having a stroke when I didn’t respond to him. He called for help and immediately began praying. I became unconscious and started having convulsions. It’s great to know that when I can’t pray, there are people around me who will.

The next thing I remember is being confused about what happened. Apparently, I was laughing hysterically during questioning. I was incoherent and unable to provide any information. I did not even know that I was on the stretcher. It did not register that the paramedics were there for me until they started wheeling me out of the church.

That day, my church was having a partner celebration to thank members for their contributions and highlighted all that the ministry had accomplished to date. I was excited about sharing my testimony that evening. So, with me having a seizure right before the celebration began, I could not understand why God allowed it to happen.

Let me be very clear: GOD DOES NOT CAUSE SICKNESS.

I spent the following week searching myself. Did this mean I was not supposed to speak? Then, I started worrying about a mysterious, underlying medical problem since I never had a seizure before. I was faced with constant flashbacks of the experience. It was extremely traumatic. To make matters worse, a week later, I had another seizure while sleeping.

This week, I realized that it was all spiritual. For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places. Ephesians 6:12 NLT

The enemy did not want me to speak. Duh! I’m always talking about how great God is and all that He has done for my family. My husband has called me the testimony queen for years. I thought my faith was solid, but it actually hit a plateau. I got comfortable.

I was confused after the seizure. I experienced brain fog and short term memory loss. It was difficult to formulate my words. It also caused the inability to focus or think clearly. Confusion is a side effect of the medication I was prescribed after having the second seizure. After prayer and mediation, it became very clear what was going on.

God is not the author of confusion.

Earlier last week I wrote in my journal about being chosen, since I am considered a rainbow baby. I reminded myself that I just have to weather the storm to reach the promise. Sunday, morning during Bible class, I wrote how God changes you before changing your circumstance. Both CHOSEN and CHANGED were mentioned during the sermon! This was instant confirmation for me.

Earplugs for my MRI Brain Scan

I had an MRI Brain Scan today. This was the last test I needed to have for my doctors to come up with a prognosis. All of the tests I’ve had so far, have been normal *insert praise dance.* The machine is narrow and loud. If you are not claustrophobic, you probably will be with this one. I know I was.

The technician gave me a panic button in case it became too much for me and earplugs for the noise. Not a coincidence that I was feeling anxious on that table. There was a cage-like helmet over my head that takes the pictures. I thought about the helmet of salvation. I began to drown out the noise of the enemy, the lies, the taunting. I tried singing but could barely remember lyrics to my favorite songs. I recited several verses then I prayed the rest of the time. The entire procedure was 18 minutes, but the lesson I learned will last a lifetime.

And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. Phillippians 4:8 NLT

I do not know how much time I have to live, but I do know that I do not want to die with all of my dreams, gifts and unwritten books inside of me.

I don’t know what you are going through, but I pray that you have the mind of Christ and remain faithful no matter what. YOU have all power over the enemy. Find your purpose and stay focused on things that matter. Life is short.

I planned to testify about my journey with lupus. Then, this happened.

Every woman desires marriage until it’s time to actually be married. Let me tell you a secret: The wedding is easy, it’s marriage that requires work. It’s all fun and games until the reception is over. A lot of women gather all of their prettiest closest family members, friends and sorors to stand beside them during the ceremony. However, the bridal party is not only meant for partying and getting the bride down the aisle.

Every woman needs a trusted set of individuals who can pray with and for her. I have a tribe that can offer sound advice and talk me off the ledge when I’ve been ready to call it quits. (Oh, I’m not talking about you. I know your marriage is perfect). Women also need friends that won’t judge them if they take longer to walk the aisle or never marry.

I think that our society places so much emphasis on the dress that the woman underneath the veil is oftentimes unprepared after she says, “I Do.” I learned the hard way that it is impossible for me to be the wife God called me to be or that my husband needs me to be if I am operating out of my flesh. PAUSE. That’s a tough pill to swallow.

Let’s talk about marriage God’s way. Disclaimer: If you are not a believer, you can still benefit from the foundation of marriage that the bible portrays. If you consider yourself to be a Christian, you will likely find yourself teetering between agreement and anger. At least that’s how I felt when I first read about submission LOL. Be prepared to swallow your pride.

By nature, I am sweet and considerate of other’s feelings. I love pouring into women and sharing my story with them. I strongly believe that I can offer at least a glimpse of hope to another woman by my transparency.

How does this look in a relationship with a man? The same way, until he says something I don’t like. “Who does he think he is talking to?” My solution has always been to just end the relationship. Dump him before he dumps me.

I never had any real plan on facing problems, just a short term solution of running away from them. That doesn’t necessarily work in marriage. I have been forced to face my insecurities and deal with them. Marriage God’s way holds a mirror up to you both. Your spouse reveals a reflection of your spirit that you would otherwise ignore.

I believe in protecting my space and only having people around me that emit positive energy. You know…GOOD VIBES ONLY! I have gone through too much and worked to hard for my peace. Then, I read about Paul in 2 Cor 11:16-33. I guess I haven’t went through THAT much after all. And the crucifixion? Jesus makes my problems, issues, past betrayals etc. seem minute in comparison. Suddenly, the “cross” I carry does not feel so heavy.

What has #wifelife revealed to me? I had to face the music that I tend to be passive aggressive until I reach my breaking point. Then, I turn into The Hulk on PMS. I’m not Ms. Perfect. Not by a long shot. I know that I can have a bad attitude. I do not like being told what to do if I already know it’s my responsibility. I despise being micro managed or controlled. I’m grown, so I can do what I want to do, right? Wrong.

I’ll maintain a straight face, but chances are, this is what I’m thinking.

I have become enraged for the smallest things. Sometimes, I am angry and I don’t even know why. I can blame hormones, my past, or I can take a step back and check my heart. This is different from negative self talk. This is doing the work to journey through self love and healing.

Recently, I was praying and pouring my heart out to God. I had to quiet my spirit and ask Him to reveal the source of the emotion I was feeling. I heard clear as day: I cannot intervene if you keep getting in my way. Let ME talk to him. The same love and attention you desire from him is what I want from you.

Suddenly, it dawned on me that as long as I am doing what I am supposed to do, I am honoring God. When I step outside of those parameters, all hell breaks loose. Literally.

Do I know that my husband loves me? Yes. Does the enemy still lie to me and tell me otherwise? Absolutely. We have different love languages but the enemy will use that to communicate division. This is why I have to stay in constant fellowship with Christ and like-minded individuals.

I can show the love of God or turn people away from the faith through my actions. This goes for my household and everyone else I encounter. Even for people I don’t realize are watching me.

I went to a Marriage Retreat with our church earlier this year. The speakers burst my bubble when they revealed the following: I am to submit to my husband whether I feel he deserves it or not. There were no exceptions listed in that scripture. Being submissive does not mean that I get bossed around or walked on like a doormat. We are very much a team. And when I feel like he is being a jerk, I have learned to shut up and pray about it. God always softens his heart a lot better than I can. God will either reveal to me the source of the disagreement and give me peace, direct me to talk to my husband at the right time or remain silent. In that time, He also deals with my wrongdoings as well. This is not a sign of weakness, but of resilience and strength.

So, there you have it. It took me almost a decade to learn so that I can save you lessons of remediation. Submission is not a choice nor does it equate to weakness or inferiority. What are your thoughts on this?

When you have an infection, your doctor will prescribe a course of antibiotics to complete for a number of days. Oftentimes, the dosage is twice per day to ensure your immune system is strong 24/7. The physician instructs you to continue taking the medication even if you start to feel better before you finish. If you fail to do so, then you risk the chance of not only becoming sick again, but the antibiotics will not be effective next time (the organisms that made you sick would have developed a resistance by then).

This is how we should look at our walk with Christ. There are times when we will feel extremely low and discouraged. People tend to pray more and do everything right during these times, but most stop once they receive the desired results. How many have ever said, “Lord, if you just get me out of this situation I won’t mess up again” like me? These are the times I would try to cross all the biblical Ts and dot all my Is more than ever. As I matured, I realized I had it all wrong. Truth is, “I can’t do anything for Him to love me more nor can I do anything for Him to love me less.” Shaylin J. via Romans 8:38-39

The danger in being a situational worshiper is when things are on the mend, you no longer thirst for the word. It’s amazing how much people praise when they are living comfortably. They walk around saying the joy of the Lord is their strength when really it is their nice cushion of savings in the bank. As soon as they are facing financial difficulty, everything they normally profess suddenly changes to words of defeat. Recently, I realized the shift in my mood when I had to pay a large bill as soon as I got paid. My “joy” should have never been in the money to begin with. Chase Bank is not my source.

Confession. I can be pretty extreme. I began this fast needing some divine intervention. Desperate to hear a word from heaven, I dove head first into this thang. What was clear to me is to be careful of only praying when I am sad, stressed, worried, angry, etc. Our relationship with Christ should not be based on our feelings only. We have to get to the point that we trust God even when our emotions tell us otherwise. I am learning to trust when the facts of what I am going through seem to outweigh my faith. This can be difficult, because I am super analytical. However, our faith needs to be based on who He is, not what temporary situations portray. Faith is believing in something you cannot necessarily see, anyway. It is visionary in a supernatural sense.

Remember, faith comes by hearing and hearing the word of God (Romans 10:17). As you increase your devotion time, your faith increases.

Do not commit yourself to God only when you want something. You cannot manipulate Him into blessing you. Neither can you perform or pay for blessings—they were already paid for on your behalf when Jesus went to Calvary.

In life, the rug can and will be repeatedly pulled from under your feet. But if you are standing on the rock, it can never be moved. Stand on the promises of God instead and you will have unshakable faith. (Jeremiah 17:8). No matter what is going on, we have to make a conscious decision every single day to trust that all things are working for our good. The Bible tells us to count it alllll joy (James 1:2). Everything. No exceptions.

Maintain a cheerful spirit. Laughter is medicine. Continue to sacrifice and spend time in communication with the holy spirit even if you start to feel great, because it will prepare you for the next attack that comes your way. (Ephesians 6:12) You will build up a resistance to the enemy that will force HIM to flee. You will be able to run towards your giants instead of running away. (1 Sam 17:24, 45-50)

Our creator, the Great Physician, wants us to pray without ceasing. The greatest revelation I received from this Daniel Fast is this:

Read and pray at least twice per day to ensure your spirit is strong 24/7. It doesn’t have to be a whole chapter or a super long prayer. You just have to set the time aside. Never find yourself too busy to spend time with your Father. You can also use supplemental resources like spiritual books/prayer guides, but they are not to be a replacement. The attacks will come, but they will not prosper. The tests and trials will happen, but you will be victorious. Thoughts of doubt and fear may try to creep in, but you will have enough word in you to rebuke them (2 Corinthians 10:5).

I wish you all the best this year and pray that each day you wake up, you are closer to living in your purpose. Be intentional for God and watch Him change your entire life!

However, this kind does not go out except by prayer and fasting. Matthew 17:21

I’m not really concerned about the elimination of certain foods. I don’t even have an appetite now. I’m looking forward to the spiritual nourishment that I need. I’ve been feeding myself appetizers and snacks but I need a four-course meal. Better yet, a buffet. I need to binge on the word because I’m facing some giants that can only be defeated through fasting and prayer. I’m ready..

Revelation: Get to the root of the problem in order to solve it. Address underlying issues and don’t be afraid to face them. Words hurt. I put too much energy into trying to change a person’s thoughts or perception of me. Their opinions and views are not my business. When someone says hurtful things to me, I can replace the lies of the enemy with The Word. I can override negativity by listening to who God says I am. That’s exactly what Jesus did in the wilderness after being tempted by satan. Those same ministering angels are waiting to assist me, but I have to first resist the enemy.

We have all heard the phrase, Summer bodies are made in the winter. I love to cozy up beside the fireplace with my boo and a movie. Now that I live in the south, I find myself eating more comfort foods, but as a result I’ve packed on extra pounds.

I am typically a fair weather exerciser. There is something about the sunshine that gives me an added boost of energy and makes me want to go for a light jog in the park. When it’s cold outside, you will only catch me running to and from my car to quickly get warm again. However, I cannot afford to wait until the Spring to get active. Neither can you. More and more young adults are experiencing heart related diseases.

Come January 1st, gyms across the nation will be bombarded with new memberships. Sadly, statistics show that only 80% of those new year resolution sign-ups will fail by the second week of February. I love my gym, but I don’t always like going depending on the day. I have decided to compile a list of exercises that can be done from the comfort of your own home. That way, there are no excuses!

1. Commerical Break Ab Blasters

I don’t watch much television, but when I do, I end up binge watching my favorite shows. 90 Day Fiance, anyone? Instead of sitting there the whole time, take advantage of commercial breaks and sneak in two minute abdominal work outs.

2. Thick Thighs Don’t Save Lives

The thicker my thighs became, the more my knees hurt. Aint nobody got time fa dat. Also, I need my dimples to stay on my face, not on my behind. What’s up with all this cellulite out of nowhere? So, this exercise is great for glutes, thighs and lower abs (flex and keep your belly button sucked in).

3. Eight Count Body Builders

That’s what we called this exercise in the Marine Corps. I hated it then, but love it now because it literally targets your muscles for a full body workout. Get some!

4. JumpStart Your Fitness Goals

Good old-fashion school yard cardio. All you need is a minimum of thirty minutes, three times per week for heart health. You can find an inexpensive jump rope from Target, Walmart or your local sporting goods store.

5. Light Weights: Arms

As if sweeping the floor, lugging around laundry baskets and detangling your hair isn’t enough :-/. If you don’t have light weights, grab two canned foods from your pantry. Works just the same.

There you have it! Let’s take better care of our temples and lead healthier lifestyles. I wish you an abundance of blessings this Holiday Season and a Happy New Year.

“Don’t love the world’s ways. Don’t love the world’s goods. Love of the world squeezes out love for the Father. Practically everything that goes on in the world—wanting your own way, wanting everything for yourself, wanting to appear important—has nothing to do with the Father. It just isolates you from him. The world and all its wanting, wanting, wanting is on the way out—but whoever does what God wants is set for eternity.” 1 John 2:15 MSG

I’m not here to judge anyone. I have a lot of things that I am working on and praying for God to change. I recently got very angry and cursed. I felt convicted immediately. I didn’t even know those words were still in my heart and I repented right away. The very next morning, the verse of the day, Ephesians 4:29, was about foul language. Ouch

I can’t condemn you, only God can do that. What I will do is share revelation that I’ve received during my personal prayer and meditation time.

Memes like this have been circulating around the internet basically making people comfortable with the way they are. Which leads to being comfortable with sin, because, “The Lord knows my heart.”

What happened to 2 Corinthians 5:17/Romans 12 becoming new creatures and being transformed by our minds? Why are we becoming more and more like the world when The Word is clear that we are to be set apart? Jeremiah 1:5, Psalm 4:3

Come as you are but at some point you should make lifestyle changes. That way, we can be an effective witness. Keeping our spirits pure is essential to discipleship. You may think you can tolerate whatever filth you entertain, but know that every seed of wickedness that’s planted will grow. It can manifest in different ways like anxiety, depression, anger, lack of patience, etc.

In spiritual warfare, we need to be aware of what we are fighting against, be prepared by wearing the full armor of God and exercise the power we possess over the enemy. Luke 10:19, Ephesians 6:10-18

We can reach people in dark places without compromising. We can share our testimony, thereby planting a seed for God to water, without mirroring whomever we are trying to lead to salvation.

When Jesus traveled to preach, never once did He become like everyone else to be relatable. He routinely went against the status quo and did not care about what people thought about his unorthodox teachings. He set the standard to which people wanted to emulate.

Social Life: This photo is hilarious now that I feel better. It’s the perfect depiction of my mood ever since the solar eclipse. I went from feeling super anxious & wanting to isolate myself, to not feeling like I had enough people in my corner. I was mad at everyone. “Why don’t people call and check on me? I’m tired of being the strong one all the time.” I show up for people in a major way but don’t always feel that it is reciprocated for me. *This statement does not apply to my entire tribe.

Love Life: I thought my husband wasn’t hearing me on a few issues but the last two weeks showed me that he’s actually been very attentive. He knew my desires without me having to say anything. Shout out to all the women who were hurt and decided to love again. Shout out to the men patient enough to learn them, love them & stay committed to growing with them.

Work Life: I have been so darn frustrated at my job. I teeter on the edge of wanting to quit like every other day. I know that my presence there makes it a better place and I am making a difference in the lives of those I encounter. But do I really want to keep “saving a life” at the expense of my own? I do not feel like I am living my best life. I feel like I am just existing and I don’t know what to do about it at this point.

Lesson Learned: Repetitive obstacles shed light on underlying issues that need to be resolved. It’s not always a matter of what the other person has done wrong. Certain things can be indicative of something that YOU have not healed from. For example, I grew up in a household where children were seen and not heard. As an adult, whenever I felt like my point wasn’t being heard, it triggered the frustration I’ve felt all my life about communication. So, I would end up exploding. I spent so much time in my marriage thinking HE was the sole source of our communication problems, never considering what I could have done differently. *Don’t waste years of your relationship repeating the same mistake.

My job is a source of income but it is not my destination. I have to remember that my discomfort is temporary and that this season is necessary to go to the next level. There is a reason I was assigned this task and I must be the light even in the midst of darkness. Le sigh.

I had a patient that was practically alone, but had one visitor who introduced himself as Mr. John Doe’s really good friend. I’m sure John Doe never thought he would outlive his spouse, daughter AND grandson but he had a friend in his corner to help him through the most difficult time of his life. This reminded me to take time to nurture my friendships. I’m so used to pouring my all into work and family that I don’t realize when I neglect my girlfriends.

What you think you don’t want or keep pushing away may be exactly what you need.