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To Blog or To Live

Thursday, August 26, 2010 ::

I've thought a lot about this whole blogging venture. One of the main questions on my brain has been, "Why am I just now starting?" From somewhere in the back, dusty part of my brain, I remembered posting on a blog called Walking the Second Mile. If I remember correctly, and there's a good chance I don't, Chad and I started blogging when we first moved to Tucson to start Second Mile. We thought it would be a good way to keep people informed about our exciting new journey. I think we wrote about the church, Cord of Hope, Chad's job at Starbucks, and family.

So what happened?

Four beautiful girls were added to our family for almost two years. My whole world was turned upside down, tossed around, kicked a few times, and completely overtaken with parenting.

I think about these beauties often, but lately, they've been on my mind more than ever. It was the most difficult season of my life to date. Parenting my own four children is hard enough. Taking on four more was more than I bargained for. My time was regimented in a way that allowed me to get things done with efficiency and survival. Tasks like blogging were not only taken off the to-do list, but forgotten they were even on a list.

It would be so beautiful and spiritual if I could say in a sweet pious voice, "Ah, they taught me so much about God, love, beauty, mercy, patience." But that would be a big fat fake lie. I did learn about all those things, but it wasn't sweet and pious. It was down and dirty, in the mud. The kind of learning that is painful and pulls so much inner muck to the surface. I learned about my selfishness. I discovered what an angry person I was, and not angry about what happened to the girls... just plain ole angry. I was obedient to what God had asked us to do, but it was often a pouty, temper tantrum obedience. And, learning to ask for help. Ugh. Talk about difficult!

Thankfully, his mercy and grace walked me through it all. His voice was often crystal clear in rebuking me and in encouraging me. He brought so much inner healing to my heart in releasing me from deep seeded anger. He put me in a situation that I wouldn't have survived had I not asked for help. In putting aside the ministry to women that I longed to be part of, he showed me new lived out truth in James 1:27. "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after widows and orphans in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."

It's true that I'm not a long term blogger with full archives and a wonderful internet history. However, in a conversation I recently had with my wise adopted oldest child, she enlightened me by sharing that she believes she, Kyle, Morgan, and Carah have been given the gift of hospitality because they can easily take foster kids into their space, love them, help take care of them, and share with them with a Spirit-filled ease. If the opportunity presents itself, I believe they would adopt another child into our home with grace and love. These lessons were learned by living out the title of our original blog and not just writing about it.

So, it's true. I'm getting a late start in the blog world, but my family is right where we belong in the race God has mapped out for us.