Jodie Foster is An Awesome Actress and A Huge Lesbian

January 15th, 2013 - Chris Chambers

Did anyone not know that Jodie Foster’s a lesbian? I thought it was common knowledge. Last night at the Golden Globe Awards, she addressed her homosexuality in a bizarre, circular way that caused saps like Anne Hathaway to weep, fellow lesbians like Rosie O?Donnell to bask in their collective girl power, and swarms of activists to bitch that she hadn’t done it sooner.

Well, relax. She?s done it now. And yes, it?s certainly brave of her ? of anyone ? to publicly (or privately) acknowledge their homosexuality, but to me it seems much more controversial that Jodie publicly acknowledged her friendship with that raging asshole Mel Gibson.

During the Golden Globes ceremony, Jodie was presented with the Cecil B. DeMille Lifetime Achievement Award and she gave a weird, rambling speech that?made very little sense overall, but did confirm that, yes,?she?s likes to dine at the Y. For many years, she has been criticized for not coming out of the closet publicly. She never had a big press conference, went on Oprah and cried, but she also never seemed to be trying too hard to hide it. It was simply her policy not to address her private life … until last night, when she invited us all in. Way in.

She didn?t jump up and down and shout, ?Hey guys! I?m here and I?m queer!? She was somewhat classier … this is Clarice Starling, remember … addressing it indirectly by very generally discussing her own coming out ?about a thousand years ago, back in the Stone Age.?

?So while I?m here being all confessional, I just have a sudden urge to say something that I’ve never really been able to air in public. … I?m just gonna put it out there, loud and proud, right?”

Then, in a hilarious twist, instead of straight-up announcing that she’s a big old lesbian, she said that she’s … single. Some people laughed. Some cried. Many changed the channel.

Jodie went on to compare the change?in public figures’?expectations of privacy over the years in a rather convoluted way, basically saying that she addressed her sexual orientation to people she actually knows personally instead of broadcasting it to the whole world.

“Now, apparently, I?m told that every celebrity is expected to honor the details of their private life with a press conference, a fragrance, and a prime-time reality show.?

Presumably, she realized that as she poked fun of celebrities inviting the world into their lives, that she was doing exactly that herself on live television.

Jodie thanked her former partner and co-parent to her children (and by the way, it seems pretty obvious that Anthony Michael Hall is the mystery father of those kids), calling her ?one of the deepest loves of my life, my heroic co-parent, my ex-partner in love but righteous soul sister in life, my confessor, ski buddy, consigliore, most beloved BFF of 20 years.?

Throughout the speech, Jodie projected an unusual and disarming mix of awkwardness and confidence. The award had been announced in advance and she had clearly prepared her speech … her words were too carefully chosen, too poetic to seem believably spontaneous. But on the other hand, she seemed too loony and disjointed to have been reading from a teleprompter.

I adore Jodie Foster … Bugsy Malone and Freaky Friday are two?of the?seminal movies of my childhood. She took me by surprise with the speech she gave last night, not because I was surprised to learn that she’s a lesbian … like I said, I thought everyone already knew that … but because she seemed kind of insane. And, to be honest,?because of?the Mel Gibson thing. Why would she possibly be friends with him? Why not Robert de Niro? Anthony Hopkins? Even Gary Busey.