RHONY Recap

Last night Real Housewives Of New York revealed secrets. Such secrets as Bethenny Frankel is the only woman in NYC who has abandoned waxing. And sadly, it’s all over. But there were no fat ladies singing – only ex-countesses with autotune.

The big storylines were that Carole Radziwill has forgotten how to be an author and Josh and KristenTaekman had a 10-year anniversary celebration for which Kristen busted out her wedding gown. Also, Ramona Singer confessed that there were fractures in Ramonja. That’s it – the world is ending! But there was a new RHONY dynamic duo to replace them- Harole (Heather and Carole). In the end Ramona and Sonja Morgan hugged and made-up because after an adult lifetime of friendship and drama, of course there will be times when they don’t see eye-to-eye or support each other in the right way.

Bethenny and Dorinda Medley meet for drinks to swap stories about their past lives being broke and waitressing. Both credit the hard work, volatile environment, and required sucking up for tips to their current success because they’re not afraid to speak their minds, be bold, or mix cough medicine with booze. Bethenny loves Dorinda because she’s a broad. Hey, isn’t that why we all like Dorinda? In fact, all these long seasons – what was RHONY doing here without Dorinda?!

So much drama to discuss from last night’s Real Housewives Of New York reunion; or at least what can be deciphered through the 7-layers of screaming. Housewives reunions are not unlike 7-layer taco dip – and one really has to slough through layers of green onions and refried beans to get to the good stuff.

Unfortunately a lot of chips get lost in the rubble. Reunions are minefields of undiscovered gold which are always cloaked in secrecy with expressions like, “Let’s talk about what we saw when we barged into your room!? [with a wannabe pirate circa 2013]” WHAT?! TELL US. Or, “I’ve covered for you plenty!” Meaning?!? All these inferences, insinuations, and teasers of people’s ghostwriters being exposed or countesses who lunge at princesses (or at least the previews showed Luann de Lesseps standing up and yelling – is that what Carole Radziwill meant when she said a ‘lunge’?).

Last night the ladies covered what I refer to as administrative details, but Andy Cohen was utterly superfluous as Bethenny Frankel stepped in to truly host the reunion, which is an excellent way to take heat off your own misdeeds. Like when Bethenny repeatedly accused Ramon Singer of being nasty and having a nasty side and saying truly awful things. I was like for every finger Bethenny is pointing at Pinot Pologies of The Ramacrame Delusions of Turtle Time Island, there are four Singer Stingers pointing back at Bethenny. Honestly, is Bethenny cognizant that she is the queen of the cutting and nasty comment? Back to Dr. Amador‘s couch you go! She should just move the good doc into her Skinnygirl subsidized apartment, paint him red, and make him part of the zillions of products she hawks under the guise of healthy living.

I’ve always observed a love/hate relationship with Bethenny – I’ve adored her, I’ve found her annoying, and in the last couple years I’ve really soured on her in the wake of her divorce and her constant discussing of Jason in the press. Although there is still a smarmy me-me-me element to Bethenny that always bubbles beneath, she’s really grown on me this season and I do feel that her divorce coupled with the loss of her talk show has humbled her. She handled the reunion with a dignity we’ve never seen form Bethenny, and a side of her I hope to see more of.

Bethenny didn’t allow herself to be talked down to, she ignored petty slights like Heather Thomson trying to goad her into a fight with Luann de Lesseps by revealing a toast to ‘take Bethenny down’ at the start of the season, and she didn’t go overboard trying to defend herself.

Last night was the season finale of Real Housewives Of New York and I had a couple revelations. It’s my own version of drive-by therapy. Holla!

Firstly, Ramona Singer is incapable of change and while Bethenny Frankel had all 100% valid points about how Ramona is basically a toddler playing dress-up in mommy’s very dated wig and stripper heels, it was slightly missing the point. Ramona has changed – maybe not in her Ramonaisms, but her life as she knows it certainly changed.

Carole Radziwill is back in the USA after nearly being arrested by TSA for smuggling undeclared Clarins hand cream through security. The urn “which looked like a bomb” (from the Hindenburg era) bearing her late husband’s ashes – oh that was fine, thanks to Dorinda Medley‘s giant fur coat which happily ensconced the precious cargo. Things you learn from Housewives: always pack giant fur coats when attempting to smuggle goods through TSA.

Heather Thomson, ever the supportive friend to all, is happy to hear that not only was Carole’s trip a success in finding closure, but that Anthony’s return has finally completed the design scheme in Carole’s remodeled apartment. Hi honey, I’m home!

Last night on Real Housewives Of New York tears were cried, laughs were laughed, and friendships formed in the most unlikely of circumstances. It was nice.

Carole Radziwill and Dorinda Medley have arrived in London and their hotel rooms are enormous. Also, Dorinda has suddenly become “Doris,” but pleasantly she’s swapped aggressive martini-fueled meltdowns for good-natured girl talk and tea.

Carole visits the church temporarily holding Anthony’s ashes. It’s been 15-years since Carole has seen the urn bearing her late husband’s remains and she’s understandably anxious. The church: small, quaint and modern, is quite different from the place where Anthony was originally interned. Carole shares that her late husband was the ultimate practical joker and the traveling urn with Carole receiving the email that it was moved would have made him laugh. That’s a poignant and fun touch.

One thing I’m really enjoying about this season’s Real Housewives Of New York is that all the ladies alternate bringing the drama. They also take turns playing the mediator or the good friend, which makes for a relationship-driven show about real women. People have many sides to their personalities, and don’t always behave one way, good or bad, something Bravo often fails to demonstrate in its Housewives. Ironically, with EIGHT housewives and their personalities to parse out, Bravo has illustrated the humanity of these women better than it has in many seasons and returned RHONY to the show we all once loved.

Bethenny Frankel is hot in the midst of finalizing renovations in her new apartment, which looks almost identical to the one she forfeited to Jason Hoppy – right down to the Skinnygirl red. I guess if it ain’t broke… (which it is broke). Since Bethenny is no longer homeless, she invites Carole Radziwill over to check out the new pad. Bethenny admits she’s using blowjob currency to get everything completed on time and suspects it may be worth it to pay some extra cash and switch to hand jobs instead. Such is life on the mean streets of NY – a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do to get a roof over her head and a clean place to not eat.