12.29.2008

Part of the reason I haven't been writing very much lately (besides all the Holiday traveling - which was FABulous by the way) is because I have so many decisions to make right now...

My lease is up on my apartment in one month - should I stay or should I go?

What will be my New Year's Resolution

Should I just drop Logan? I'm sick of waiting, but he's so amazing.

Should I go back into school? Take the GRE? Go get my Master's?

Where should I plan my spring vacation to?

How should I redesign my bedroom?

Now... here's the biggest issue... Marco still hasn't found a job yet. He still owes me a little for this month's rent and I know he won't have it for January. His flight attendant friend AND HER BEAU have been using my living room as a "crash pad" for a little too long. I know she's not there very much, but her man is. I like them both, but NONE of them are giving me anything (besides free airfare to Sundance, but I mean, she get's it free anyways.) The gas is up, the electricity is up, and my food... is gone...

Should they be just as gone as my apple berry cobbler ? I can't just kick Marco out. That's rude, plus I'd have to pay his part of the rent anyway, my logic is maybe he will find a new job... hopefully soon.

12.22.2008

Get the sparkle of diamonds without the guilt by purchasing eco-friendly, conflict-free lab-grown diamonds. These man-made diamonds are actually pretty rare, as only a handful of gem-quality diamonds are grown each month. No giant pits in the earth, no slave labor. This set of Ritani ‘Endless Love’ lab-grown diamond stud earrings feature .67 carat fancy blue diamonds surrounded by .15 carat white micro-pave diamonds set in platinum for $5,160.

For the green millionaire who has everything, perhaps a parcel of land that you can turn into a nature preserve is just the thing you need this year. Follow in Leo DiCaprio’s footsteps by purchasing a private island with the intent of turning it into an ecotourism destination – Blackadore Cay in Belize only cost $1.75 million. Or, you could buy a few hundred thousand acres of rainforest and either manage it yourself or gift it to the country’s government for use as a national park.

The world’s most expensive television is available to you for just $130,000, and the good news is, its glass, aluminum and iron components are all either biodegradable or reusable. The bad news is, it doesn’t seem to use any less power than a normal television. But, hey, it’s studded with brilliant white V VS1 diamonds and white gold, such an important feature to have on a television. When you’re done with this luxury TV by Shaub Lorenz, you can strip it down and have them made into a necklace or something. It’s entirely handmade and has a 40-inch LCD display.

12.08.2008

I am racking my brain trying to figure out what to wear to my office Holiday Luncheon tomorrow! This is insane, I'm the one that everyone always asks what to wear or how to do their hair. Uggh... I don't want to just wear something regular, but I don't want to look like I tried too hard. Any suggestions?

12.01.2008

I love going back to my hometowns and this time it was no exception, but last night when I walked into the door of my lovely little garden apartment, I truly felt like I was at home. It was a great adventure, but it really felt good to get back into the swing of things this morning (who knows, maybe I'm just getting really old.)

So re-cap on the weekend's goals...

1.) I totally wore the CUTEST outfit to dinner ever. It was classy and smashing rolled into one, a very chic knit skirt, a cript white button up underneath a gorgeous light weight sweater.

2.)I did suprisingly little shopping, and had a fantastic Friday night at the bar.

3.) Definitly Waxed

4.) I didn't make anything this year... oops!

5.) I did not "get together" at all really... I hooked up with the painter for a few hours on Thursday night, I hung out with the Not-So-New-Guy, aka the painter. He was a serious conversationalist and wasn't so sure if he was into me until I was driving home and he asked me about a thousand times if I really liked him or not... it was so irritating. Then on Friday I went out with my sister and we met up with my high school homeboy, Mr. English Professor (he is one, wasn't mine, ha!) We had a great time and the drunker I got, the bitchier I got and ended up telling him he was pretentious. Oops... anyway, we still made out. It was fun, well except for the past about being in my sisters car (and no, SHE WAS NOT IN IT.)

6.) I SPENT LOADS OF TIME WITH MY WONDERFUL SISTER, who is truly amazing.

7.) I got a fantastic Christmas tree and tons of vintage ornaments from my Grams, AND she bought me the SWANKIEST lamps ever! Doubles, how convienient for my bedside tables, eh?

8.) Didn't get to see anything but pictures of my niece. Baby Mamma Drama. Eww.

9.) I slept... and slept... but nothing was like coming home to my down matress and 1,000 thread count Pima Cotton sheets... mmmm!

All in all, it was a good trip. Except for the part(s) that had no Logan. He was M.I.A. I didn't talk to him once, no one even knew where he was, it's a shame really. Until next time I suppose. That will give me some more time to get my game face on. I wish sometimes that he was some kind of super jerk. You know, just awful, a real asshole. Then I could move on... but he isn't. He's just a super sweet, amazing-in-the-sack, truly special man. Maybe I just need someone new to take my mind off of him... You never know what just might happen ; )

11.26.2008

So I'm leaving the office today at 2:30 and starting the deluxe 94 track back to the mitten, also known as the ever so lovely, Michigan. This means a plethera of things:

1.) I need to seriously get my Thanksgiving dinner outfit together.2.) Finish/Gather all plans for the weekend galas, shopping trips, visits, and bar-hoppings.3.) Wax.4.) Decided what to cook (I always bring something delicious and vegetarian to the table.)5.) Figure out who to.... get "together" with. Hopefully it'll be Logan. I've been trying to ignore him in that "I'm seven and you have cooties way." So he might be into it. Or it could be the New Guy, who isn't so new anymore. Or it could be the high school fav, a sweet but sassy English Professor (he's only 24, he's a freakin literary GENIOUS.) God, I want it to be Logan. I've been praying for it. 11:11-ing it. Wishing on every star, every candle I blow out, WISHING ON EVERYTHING. Or I could like... grow up, and call him. But that would be too easy.6.) SPEND LOADS OF TIME WITH MY WONDERFUL SISTER.7.) Continue to raid my grandmother's home for unused totally amazing vintage furniture and accessories. She's where I get all my fantastic Sarah Conventry jewels from.8.) See my so-sweet-she-gives-me-a-toothache niece.8.) Last, but certainly not least, get some SLEEP!

I hope you all have a wonderous HOLIDAY and remember to be thankful for the things that are true blesssings in our lives.

11.24.2008

1. I am thankful for you the most… out of everything in the world you make me the happiest. I miss you everyday and wish that we were at the cottage acting silly, lying in the sun, and doing absolutely nothing but swinging in the hammock and being together. You are my best friend in the world and don’t think an hour goes by and don’t think about that you’re doing and how you’re feeling. I know that we have that knack for fighting but without it, we’d be boring. I remember when we were little and you used to follow me everywhere, and I just wanted to go out by myself and play with my friends… and now I wish you were always with me. I will never love anyone as much as I love you and I am so proud of the young woman you are becoming. I’m sorry I moved and left you with the warden, but I needed to grow up and get out of the mitten. I wouldn’t worry though, I’ll be home soon ; ) you are my heart and my soul and I need you more than air. I’m not sure what I would do or where I would be without you. Thank you for being you.

2. You are my bestie, well after you know who. I love you so so so much. However… I was really mad at you for a while and then I got over. I wished that you would have just come with me, but we needed to change. Grow up rather. It would have been the best to have you live with me, but the last six years were good enough. I love you so much and I know that you’re transitioning right now, so here’s a simple piece of advice I gave to you a long time ago. Maybe you forgot… Fuck ‘em. Love yourself and nothing can go wrong. It worked the first time, girl it a whirl again. I miss you but I’m glad we’re apart. I needed sometime by myself to think about things, I didn’t really like myself those last couple months, but now I’m back in love with me. Thanks for always having my back.

3. you make me laugh all the time. I actually just listened to a voicemail from you the other day, it made me really kind of miss you. And it’s not like I don’t miss you a lot, but you usually aren’t on the top of my head. Thanks for inviting me to come out a few weekends ago. I had a lot fun just sitting in the cold with my stupid flip flops out. It’s funny how things worked out, huh? This summer (and last) were great. I really like being around you, but sometimes I wonder if you being so funny all the time is just because you’re nervous.

4. I hate you and I don’t even know why. Every time I see you I get pangs of anger, it’s strange, no one has ever pissed me off so bad for no reason… well actually I’m glad you showed up. If you didn’t I’m not sure if he would have. I hear that you’re a great girl, but I have a hard time seeing it. People tell me that we have so much in common but I don’t even want to get to know you. Maybe if the opportunity arises I’ll talk to you, but probably not. I didn’t talk to you before I knew what was up, so I yeah… We’ll leave it at that. PS… Stop looking at me like I did something wrong, when all along it was you.

5. I love you very, very much. Sometimes I miss you a whole lot and other times I just wonder how you’re doing. It’s weird because for a long time I didn’t like you. I loved you but I was so mad at everything I couldn’t stand it. I’m sorry for being so mean, even if you didn’t realize it. I sort of think sometimes that it happened because you looked up to me so much that you wanted to be me. I understand now that things just happen, and it was probably just karma coming around to kick me in the ass. I’m glad that we’re so similar. It makes me very happy to have you in my life. Thank you for lying to me when you had to, I probably couldn’t have handled much more of the truth around then.

6. I love you so much!!! I wish that we were still roomies, even though we were too much to handle sometimes. I loved every minute of it, except the “Basic” phase. I’m glad we had our little getaway with gnomes and hookahs and lots and lots of smoke time. You are cool to the very core and I look up to you so much, you definitely grew up before I did and I’m thankful because you needed to, you were too smart not to. I know you’re going to do amazing things in your life, I just wished that we talked more often. We used to talk a lot. I know I kind of fucked things up that one night, but please don’t hold it against me. You are one of my best friends, and I don’t think that you know.

7. I wish that things between us were like they were in the beginning when it was just fun. It happened too much too fast and it was only headed for disaster. Deep down I’ll never stop caring for you, you are wonderful, I just wish that you could remember why. I’m sorry for hurting you, but I hope that you realize you hurt me worse that any word that could have come out of my mouth. I think you did what you did because you didn’t know how deep you had cut me even before it happened and wanted some way to effect me because I let everything else just roll off my back. I would say congratulations, you won… but I know you still love me. It’s sad.

8. I FUCKING LOVE YOUR LAUGH MORE THAN ANYTHING! I have the best times with you. You always seem to have it together ma’am (even when you don’t.) You’re such a tough ass, and I love that about you. Don’t forget that I’m here for you and I always will be. You really are an amazing woman, I just wish that you would remember that. You have so much potential, don’t’ down grade yourself. I know you have it in you.

9. Thank you for keeping me sane for all of these years. I love you so much. I’m still mad you found out who Napoleon was, it was more fun for me when you didn’t know. He was a good secret admirer. I know you’ve been through so much and just want you to know that I’ll always be a phone call away. We don’t’ have to talk every day or every week, or even every month. Things will always be the way they are. I wanted to thank you for including me all those years ago.., I don’t think you realize how much it helped me grow. You are wonderful.

10. That smile is intoxicating. You make me feel all kinds of fucked up. I’m not sure why we met that night, but I’m glad it happened the way it did. We sort of skipped all that get to know you stuff huh? Maybe that’s why I’m so nerdy around you. I know I talk too much, but I get nervous and I’m not sure why… you’ve already seen it all. I try not to think about you really, but when I get immensely drunk that’s another story, sorry about that by the way, I’m sure it’s annoying. I probably actually shouldn’t talk to you, ha… I thought that last time was supposed to be the last time we were going to see each other ever, but that was a lie. Thanks for making me feel so amazing. You are a spectacular kisser. Maybe I’ll see you soon. Or not.

Nine Things About Yourself:

1. I love to make art. Get ready for some sweet Christmas gifts..2. My two favorite things are Caitlin and Led Zeppelin.3. My favorite place in the world is the cottage.4. I hate SOCKS… They are disgusting.5. I get addicted to everything, not just drugs, haha, so I can either have a really boring life doing nothing, or have the best time all the time..6. When I’m swimming I don’t’ think about anything but music.7. I say dude entirely too much.8. I miss everyone in Michigan, I’ll move back in about 5 years.9. We call my apartment the igloo.

Eight Ways To Win My Heart:1. BE FUNNY.2. Have amazing teeth3. Make good conversation, I don’t like dummies.4. Try my weird food.5. Don’t be afraid of trying new things.6. Like some good tunes.7. Be considerate and kind… and call once in a while.8. Be completey comfortable just laying around sometimes.

Seven Things That Cross Your Mind A lot:1. How am I gonna get some more money.2. I wish I was in the sun3. I’m freezing.4. “Where is my ______?!”5. My ADD is out of control with no… you know, stuff.6. I cannot get out of bed.7. "I need to get ______"

Six Things You Wish You Never Did:1. Get into that fight with Ben… he broke my necklace2. Got homeschooled my freshman year.3. Left Lola behind.4. Lose my shit constantly5. Started smoking.6. Skipped stats..

11.20.2008

I keep having this ridiculous dream that when I'm home for Thanksgiving that I call Logan and we decided to meet at my cottage by the lake for a little R & R. It ultimatly leads to a lusty wonderful time, but I keep seeing this image in my head... He calls me to tell me he's almost there and I let him know just to come in the house, and he does. When he gets there I'm trying to build a fire in the fireplace and he comes in the door, and sits next to me on the ledge and helps... this is kind of the outfit that I'm wearing in my dream. He's wearing green. He always is wearing green. I wish I could just stop. Stop thinking about him. I am in SERIOUS like with this kid. Maybe my dream will come true... I mean I know that I'll probably see him with the rest of my friends, but I want us to go away to some romantic fantastic place. Leave all of them and just go. Just the two of us.

This 60's inspired floral woody fragrance opens with an elegant orchid accord and wet, succulent citrus notes. The heart blends noir leather and a signature purple patchouli accord with exotic spices, supported by the intense depth of amber, Peru balsam and vetiver.With Private Blend, Tom Ford opens a door into the mesmerizing world of artisanal scent. Each fragrance begins with a precious extraction of a single note around which secondary notes are wrapped creating a completely developed and complex Eau de Parfum that may enchant or challenge, stimulate or delight.Inspired by the dark brown glass used in apothecary bottles that are traditionally found in a perfumer's atelier, the weighty 1.7-ounce flacon has the sleek architectural look of a chess piece and the 8.3-ounce decanter, designed to enhance the user's home environment, is pure craftsmanship.

I think I might have to save up for a minute on this one... unless one of you lovelies would enjoy purchasing it for me!

11.17.2008

I'm lost. Chicago is so amazing and there is so much to offer here, but I feel so lost today. It all started last night... well maybe Friday night. I was having a great week, and have been doing so much and then on Friday I decided to go to the movies with my roomate. We drank a little, then came home and invited some people over. People meaning the German. We all went out to the bar and had a splendid time, so spendid I was blacked out before I got home.

Thank GOD that Marco (my roomate) was with me, because I'm not sure where I would have ended up. I haven't been drunk like that in FOREVER... and I swear I only had a few Seabreezes, well and no dinner. I was so drunk I stole flowers out of a bathroom and PUT THEM IN MY PURSE TO TAKE HOME! Then I proceeded to ask the bouncer for his number and when I looked at it Saturday I could barely read it... Not too long after that I put my purse on the ground to find my phone (which I used to DRUNK DIAL LOGAN AT THREE IN THE MORNING, even though I had already semi-drunk dialed him at 11) and fell not once, but twice, flat on my ass, which is better than my face I guess. I came home and stripped through out the house and put on some silky ass night gown and refused to sleep in my bed, for some God forsaken reason because I have the dreamiest thread count... I woke up and felt so stupid.

I haven't been drinking very much lately, those binge drinking college days are definitly in the shadows, so I don't know how it happened. I mean I had a great night, talked to all of these fabulous people, and ended up riding in the back of a truck to my freaking apartment. Needless to say, Saturday was unfortunatly unproductive. I want to call the bouncer because he was ridiculously good looking and I need a strong man in my life, but from the chicken scratch on the NEWSPAPER I wrote it on, I think he'll think I'm some sort of flaky lush... I mean I am a lush, but in a good way : ) I'm usually the life of the party who helps girls like me. Am I becoming some sort of low tolerance lightweight or what?

And speaking of Logan, I haven't talked to him in a while. I went back home and went to his house to hang out and all of these people were there, and he had to leave to go to a meeting (which I didn't want to wait around for him to get done with) so we had almost no alone time, and so I'm sure he's far past over me. God I wish he wasn't so delicious.

Ok, so back to topic. Saturday night I just went out for a good no drinking dinner night with some of my girls and came home and got a suprise haircut from a good friend (who is a seriously divine hairdresser), and it looks AMAZING.

Sunday... I tried to be super productive. I made Marco and Dionne (my other roomate) clean the house with me, then we all went shopping and to the laundrymat and I felt really productive, like I was actually doing some good with my life. We came home, I made us a fantastic dinner, we watched a movie... and then I went to bed. As I layed there I just started thinking of all of these things I'm not doing. Like having a boyfriend, going out, going to grad school, and I started missing my family and before you knew it, I was balling hysterically. I felt so lost. So alone. How can you feel alone when you're surrounded by people?

Marco and Dionne were still up, so I came out of my room like a 5 year old and just talked to them forever, told them all of these crazy thoughts going on in my head, and they definitely cheered me up and we all kind of agreed we feel the same (we all just move here from a different state, and no, we didn't know each other at all.)

So maybe I'm not so crazy for feeling so alone surrounded by people. I think I just need to keep my chin up and make myself just as fabulous in Chicago as I was back home. It's a fresh start. I can be whatever I want to be.

10.27.2008

I just ran into the most SMASHING boy... literally. I was walking around the corner back from the bathroom and almost ran right into him. I could hear him talking but wasn't paying attention, and then I looked up and DAMN - it was him, the mystery guy! He works in the office next to ours (we share the floor with them and one other company.) I've seen him around a few times, and think he's gorgeous. He's got this fantastic big mop of dark curly hair, soooo cute. Maybe I should talk to him one of these days, eh?

Friday was a little lame, I had not been feeling very well the last week or so, and I decided to just take it easy and ended up staying up way too late with my roomies chatting and drinking wine, fun but nothing crazy... then Saturday I went and did my usual community goodness in the morning, saving the world one homeless puppy at a time. Saturday evening I met up with German Boy at his place, had a few drinks and then we went to the hockey game. It was AWESOME, Detroit ended up winning a shoot-out (which was amazing because I had been routing for them the ENTIRE time.) After the game we hit up some bars, and all of a sudden it was almost 3, so we walked back to his place. Now here's where the story gets weird... I didn't go "home" with him. We got to his place where I had left my car and he asked me about a thousand times if I was ok to drive (which I was... we drank a few beers, but walked everywhere and my nightly glass(es) of wine have been preventing me from becoming too much of a lightweight.) He asked and asked and invited me in, and for some reason, I just wasn't in to it. Maybe it's because I can't tell if he really likes me or not. We went out last weekend, then again on Wednesday, and the game on Saturday, and NOT ONCE has he "hit" on me. I mean he opens doors, pays for things, carries bags, I MEAN THE KID IS POLITE AS FUCK, but no come on's, nothing... I mean he smiles and stares a little too much, but no action, is this because he's foreign? I've never really dated anyone from Europe, well, except England, but he was a whore. He could just want a friend, but he's ALWAYS making future plans in that I-wanna-date-you kind of way. I don't get it. Any ideas? Am I just used to the American wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am?

10.24.2008

So I was thinking this year of being something absolutly fantastic; a little sexy, very original, almost breathtaking. There's all the usual things to be, a witch, a doctor, firefighter, French maid, sexy bunny, whatever... and then I was thinking I would be Mother Nature, all Garden of Eden and shit. Wouldn't it be tres' fab??? Green looks good on everyone, and I could use things from home and do some phenomenal make-up, little flowers on my face and neck and arms... Do some SEXED out hair, big and voluptuous, stellar shoes, and a little bit-o-glitter. I don't usually rock the glitter, even though it USED to be my favourite colour (seriously.) I have some rockin' peridot (like the gemstone) Martha Stewart stuff that would go SMASHINGLY. So.... what do you guys think???

10.23.2008

The New Guy. The New Guy, let's call him Micah, is seriously smokin'. He's like a young Heath Ledger, creepy, a bit, but hot, HELL YEAH... He's tall, is a PAINTER (so he's got those bulging bisceps), he plays guitar, and has a smile that could melt an iceburg. I'll let you guys know how that one turns out. Also.... There's this German guy who came to look at my apartment a few weeks ago when I was looking for a roomate (he didn't end up moving in) who I hung out with on Saturday... and then again last night... and he's taking me to the Blackhawks and Red Wings game this weekend. I dunno if he's into me or is lonely (being from Germany with like no FRIENDS here in Chicago.) Well just have to see. I'll keep you posted.

10.21.2008

So most of my posts are and will be about my men... but I read this at work today and found it quite interesting. It's basically comparing the Great Depression to how the economy is today... you'll be suprised. So stop hoarding you're money and BE SMART! INVEST AND CONSUME!

Notable Numbers for the Week:

1. BORROW AND BUY - An estimated 40% of stock investors were purchasing equities by using borrowed funds (i.e., margin accounts) in 1929 at the time of the crash. Margin debt on the New York Stock Exchange hit an all-time high of $381 billion in July 2007 but was down to $292 billion by the end of August 2008. Total margin debt was $279 billion when the stock market peaked in March 2000 (source: Wall Street Journal, NYSE).

2. JOBLESS - The unemployment rate in the US during the Great Depression reached 25%. Even as the decade of the 1930s was ending, the nation’s unemployment rate was still close to 15%. The unemployment rate in the US is 6.1% today (source: Wall Street Journal, Newsweek, Department of Labor).

3. GONE - 40% of US banks failed during the 5-years from 1929-1933. The Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation, guaranteeing an individual’s account up to a maximum threshold of $2,500 initially, was signed into law on 6/16/33 and became effective on 1/01/34, too late for thousands of US citizens (source: Newsweek, FDIC).

4. IRONIC - When Ben Bernanke took over a vacant slot on the Federal Reserve’s Board of Governors in August 2002, he was required to set aside the 120 pages he had written for a book that he began 2 years earlier. A New York City publisher had paid Bernanke an advance on a book that was to be titled “Age of Delusion: How politicians and central bankers created the Great Depression” (source: Wall Street Journal, Federal Reserve).

10.13.2008

Why is it that even when you're not around someone and even if you know they might be doing something or someONE you don't approve of, you still think about them? I know I'm not in love with him, but this has got to stop. We live 300 miles away from one another. I know if someone I was attracted to hit on me here I'd give it a shot, so I'm sure he would too. Uuugggghhhh. I talked to him on Saturday night, he was more drunk than I was and I had been at an all you can drink party, Jameson and O-Bombs galore... and anyways, I'm not sure if it was while or after I was on the phone with him, he was "trying" to kiss my best friend, who just happens to be in town all together too much. She didn't let it happen, but come to find out she did 2 weeks before. She's not into him (not her type at ALL, she's really attracted to asshole losers) and didn't want to tell me, but felt she should, and I'm not sure if I like knowing. I'd still fuck him. I'm not mad at her. I am definitly not ok with it, but how can I be upset. He's not my boyfriend, I see him less than monthly... He's really hot. My best friend? Not as cute as me... He's really young, and I was extra skanky at his age. This is so ridiculous I need to stop writing about it. I'll get at you when I get my head outta his ass.

10.09.2008

Ok, so there's this boy. Yes, boy. He's almost 4 years younger than me, I mean he can't even drink yet... Anyways, there's something about him that lets me not forget him, EVER. It's strange because I've been with so many different men. I've had boyfriends, lovers, fuck-buddies, whatever. Some were older, a few were younger, single, married, dating, engaged, black, white, arab, hispanic, phillipino... Some were hot, some were not, but who's counting, right? Anyways, this one in particular, let's call him... Logan, is something amazing.

We met last year on a very busy night, we were both drunk, obviously, and I was taken back by how attractive he was, and how down to earth he was, that I couldn't stop staring. So... I invited him in. We hung out for a while, then went for a walk, and as soon as we walked out of the door he grabbed my face and started kissing me. I was SHOCKED to say the least and enjoyed it ever so much. He ended up staying the night and we had amazing sex. I, of course, saw him the next day at breakfast... And then again, and again, and again. We didn't actually hang out until a little while later, we were both in different groups and in our passionate doings, didn't exchange numbers. Then one day, it happened. We met up at a party and left together spending the night talking, smoking, and just kissing. His kiss by the way- is the perfect kiss. He kisses just like I do, and I know that sounds silly, but it makes it the perfect kiss and I melt every time. We had a few more midnight rendevous and slept together again.

Then, I graduated. Keep in mind we never talked about dating, AT ALL, and I was sort of seeing other people (ok, so I'm a little slutty) but he was always on my mind. And still is. I went home last weekend to celebrate my alma mater's homecoming, and ended up seeing him, and nothing happened. We had opportunity, but it just didn't happen. Needless to say I was a little disappointed. Then I started thinking about all of the times before, and he either just went for it hard or I made a move on him. This time I was waiting for him to and he didn't... and I think he was scared. Not like I'm some intimidating beauty or anything, but WHAT THE FUCK.

I thought about it more and more, and started remembering things. Like the way he was shaking the first time we did it, the way he just stares at me and smiles, how he would hold my hand when we would walk somewhere and I could feel his pulse racing. He is forever nervous around me. Then it dawned on me that I was the SECOND person he had ever been with. His first girlfriend was from high school and they went off to college together and then they broke up at the start of their second year, and I'm pretty sure that it was ALL her, because she soon after was with someone else. So I don't know if he doesn't know what to do around women, or if he likes me too much, or doesn't like me and wanted a rebound, or whatever. I do know that he doesn't talk to anyone else. I don't want to call and ask him about it because I love the flow of things they way they are when we are together and I don't wanna creep him out. I don't even know the next time I'll see him. I don't even know why I'm thinking about him. I've never even thought about my fucking boyfriends this much. It's so not me. What the fuck. I wish I knew what to do. How do you get someone out of your head who is so... phenomenal?

About Me

I'm freshly 24 and just moved to the city. I'm pretty much a walking contradiction. I'm a leather wearing vegetarian who bumps to T.I on the way home and chills to Zeppelin with a glass of wine. I go out, get out, and do something more amazing than the last time, every chance I get. I'm a designer obsessed hippie if that makes any sense and I'm only doing what I'm doing until I have the cash flow to be who I was born to be. I'm a wee bit of a slut and love every second of it. Some might say I'm a lush, but I say... FUCK IT.