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Obviously Christmas Day comes every year, if you celebrate it, and I enjoy winter immensely and Christmas has always been my favourite holiday. I am extremely lucky and grateful for everything I receive, and this year I absolutely loved everything I received. But I am writing this at 23:52 on Christmas Day 2017 and I feel sad. How can I feel sad with everything I got? A huge part of us all was missing this Christmas, our go to gal and umber one, granny. Even though last Christmas she was not very well her presence there made it all normally perfect. Its hard sitting at the table and complimenting the chief on her/his excellent work knowing there is a seat empty that she should be at, knowing that we should all be having less but instead we get more off her plate. Its hard to open presents knowing there is none from her or for her. Its hard to play charades without her shouting stupid answers, hard to do a tumble on the ground with out her here to read my mind and tell me that I am doing Mission Impossible.

So that’s why I am sad this Christmas, and its ok to be sad at Christmas. Its made to be such a jolly happy holiday yet without that one person that happy holiday can be flipped upside-down, into a lonely Christmas with everyone around you.

Nevertheless I hope everyone, whom celebrated, had an amazing Christmas and I hope everyone enjoys new years’.

KLDowney

Today’s schooling system is said to have not changed in centuries, which in my opinion is not a good thing, it’s far from it. A lot has changed in the last few centuries: mobile devices, women empowerment, the internet, having a job based on the internet ect, but one of the main changes in today’s century is the paid positions of regular employment. Not so long ago kids were sent to school for the outcome to be the men working in factories and the women staying at home to cook, clean and mind children, but that has changed now women work, they choose their outcome, men work or they don’t and most men in today’s century work in offices paying large sums of money. Therefore if our outcome in life have changed why has our schooling system not? Why are we put through the same school system our grandparents and great grandparents were put through, when our outcome is going to be different? I, as a female woman, know for a fact that I am not going to be sitting at home cooking or minding children as my great grandmother did but i still go through the same schooling system she did.

In today’s schools we are thought to do exactly what we are told, they tell us to open our book and complete a certain task then we open our book and complete that task, but how far is doing what we are told going to get us in life? If we just do what we are told we won’t be moving up in our area of work we will be staying where we are doing what we are told, what I am trying to say here is that we should be given more independence in school, we should be graded on the work we get done ourselves without instruction that will prepare us more than doing what we are told.

Overall my point is is that I am sitting in class learning the same thing as my great grandmother and doing what I am told to do whilst learning a whole book of a subject that is not going to prepare me for the real world.

The full digits of pi are not going to get ME anywhere, but learning about pieces that Robert Fisk has written or Kate Adie will, why is there no classes in school I can take to help me with the career that I want to pursue? Why should I have to wait until college to learn this? I am certain the others with other career paths feel the same way I do.

We need to improve today’s schooling system, I need to know how to pay tax, I need to know what i want to do when I leave without making a mistake.

Anyone that actually reads my blog, or has even just read it once, might maybe be wondering why I haven’t posted in so long and well the truth is I don’t know. It’s been in the back of my mind for months, “I should really write something”, but I haven’t and it’s probably cause I’m just really lazy maybe, but I’ve had a lot going on like everyone else in the world but I’ve been thinking and I really want to make this blog honest and so I will be writing more on my opinion on world matters, you do not have to agree with my opinion but I do ask that you will respect it. An opinion is never wrong.

Method Preheat oven to 180 degrees/ Gas mark 4. Line two baking trays with grease proof paper. In a bowl, cream together the butter and sugar until pale and fluffy. Add the egg and beat until smooth. Gradually add the flour until well combined, then add the squares of chocolate. Divide into balls and squash them down gently onto the baking trays. Leave plenty of space between each cookie. Bale for 12 minutes. Serve with vanilla ice cream !

Today June 1st 2017 I found out your beautiful mother, my amazing aunt, was pregnant with her 2nd beautiful baby. I can not express the happiness that I felt knowing that in 6 months I would have a beautiful new baby cousin, whom would also be my godchild. My godchild. Well my godchild, I hope you read this some day and know that I love you more than love can love itself and I promise I will be the best godmother I can be…. like ever! I should I also let you know I’m mentally insane, just like your auntie niamh, and I will embarrass you at some stage in your life but you’re just gonna have to go with it!(just as I did with my beautiful godmother).

As much as you’re gonna be a lucky kid because you’ll have the best older sister, the best auntie, the best cousins, a decent godmother and amazing parents! You won’t have meet the person that we all loved more than anything ever in the world, granny Cathy. But she’ll love you so much kid and she will, I promise you, she will be with you every step of the way all day everyday! And if that doesn’t freak you out I don’t know what will!:))I promise to also be there with you all day every day, I promise to love you even when you’re crying( yeah even when you’re crying). I promise to protect you and remind you how incredible you are to me and how you brightened my life, yes I do already know this even though it’s June 1st 2017! I love you kiddo and I can’t wait to meet my new best friend,

Godmother x

KLDowney

Anxiety, it takes over your life. You wake up every morning in fear that you will die, or someone you love will die. Everyday you feel you are gasping for breath, and everyone around you is wondering why you are taking such harsh, deep , long breaths. You feel no one understands, because they don’t. They wouldn’t understand unless the felt everything you felt. The feeling of being a burden, of being alone, that feeling that everyone loath’s you, that no one cares. Sometimes you can walk into a cinema, excited to see the move, a diet coke in your hand and popcorn by your side, you could be with the person you love the most but when the lights go down, the anxiety comes. “You are alone” it says, “There is no way out”, you run out looking for exits, trying to breath, trying to catch your breath. People always say “if you want to talk, I am here”, okay you are there, but when i try to talk to you about “this stuff” it somehow always goes back to how you are feeling, “oh I completely understand, I was feeling like that last week”. You felt this pain, this gut wrenching pain? last week? No. You hold your breath whenever the anxiety has completely taken over, because if you breath everything might come out, that wouldn’t be good. You walk away from the people you were holding your breath beside, and you gasp for breath. School, work or college, people say they understand if you need time off, but when you miss a maths class, you are behind and no one cares because it was “your choice to take time off”, you are behind on work, it is consuming you, but no one cares because it was “your choice to take time off”. Someone asks you are you okay, you want to cry, you want to tell them everything, but you do not because that would be too much of a burden on them, you laugh and say “hahaha yeah I am fine, jeez are you”, crack a joke because laughing hides it all. You don’t want to hide it all, but you do, you hold your breath.

This is anxiety, my anxiety

KLDowney

Photography

My first happy place I discovered when I was around 12 years of age, photography. Even though it is not a place, it is metaphorically , my happy place. When I take out my purple Nikon Coolpix camera to snap a shot of a landmark ,or a beautiful image in general, it makes my feel full. There is no way to describe it apart from my happy place. My happy feeling, an exciting, bright, fulfilling feeling. Showing people my pieces of art is the only confident thing I have ever done. At the moment I have two photographs on my wall in my bedroom, and for that reason, when I am anxious or low I will most likely go to my room. Looking at those photographs reminds me of that happy, exciting , bright and fulfilling feeling. My mood does not change instantly, my photos are not miracle workers unfortunately, but I can feel that happiness fill my body, knowing that this filling of anxiety will leave me.

Grandmother’s Home

My grandmother’s home is the most beautiful and calm. It sits just opposite the beach, when I wake there in the morning I wake to open the curtains and see the tide flowing in. There is no signal in my grandmothers, which is a bonus in my opinion.I am fully isolated from the “other world”, nobody can reach me to tell me such and such said this about such and such (aka gossiping). My only problem is the biggest part of my happy place is missing, my grandmother. A month ago she lost her battle with cancer. I was as close to her as any grandchild and grandmother could be, except closer. She was my emergency contact, my shoulder to cry on and the person I bitched about people most with. She was the least judgmental, most caring, compassionate, beautiful , funny and kindest person I have ever known and will ever know and I know there will always be a major part of me missing as she is not around. My grandmother was diagnosed with cancer on the 10th of December 2016, she died on the 17th of January. Lost her battle within 5 weeks pf diagnoses. The horrible fact is I only found out she had cancer 2 weeks before she died. 2 weeks. The week before I found out, I was given the opportunity to spend 4 days with her in my happy place. I declined. To study for exams. That 4 days I could’ve gotten by her side in my happy place. Spend as much time as you can with your loved ones, you will never know when their time is up.

KLDowney

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