Somewhere on the outskirts of reason... Or where good television can be found.

Monday, July 07, 2008

Metallica 'Mandatory Metallica'

Yes. I am aware that I haven’t updated this blog of mine in some time. But you know… I got some time off and I just didn’t feel like doing it. Sometimes you just gotta recharge those batteries and chill it like a mofo.

So now I’m back and ready to waste some of your valuable time.

I’ll start with Kira.

Kira and I haven’t seen each other in a good long while, so we wanted to catch up on the last Sunday of June. We’ve always met at locations that were friendly to my sensitive wings and beer palate. But this time, I made sure to leave it all up to her.

She said something about margaritas. I thought she meant the restaurant named Margarita’s in downtown Greensboro. I told her that I would check and see if they were going to be open because a lot of places are closed on Sundays down there.

She informed me that she was more interested in drinking margaritas… Somewhere close to where we live.

We met at some place that sounded something like “Casa Vertebrae”. I can’t remember the exact name of it because if I can’t pronounce it… It’s quickly dropped from memory. Keep in mind that I have a hard time ordering food at Taco Bell.

They had a special on pints of Dos Sequis so I started ordering those babies while Kira got herself a margarita fix.

I started looking over and over the menu for something… Anything… That looked appetizing. There was plenty of vegetation on every item that I DON’T enjoy… Green peppers… Onions… And other peppers that covered the spectrum of colors. I studied that menu for what seemed like 30 minutes looking for a cheeseburger or a kid’s section. I found neither.

Kira suggested that I inquire about modifying my order to my tastes.

That didn’t exactly pan out because she spoke English the same way I speak Spanish. So you could say there was a lack of communication.

When she spoke, I cocked my head like the RCA Victor dog to make out her words. When I spoke, she just nodded. I could’ve ordered a bottle of Thunderbird covered with noodles just to see what she came out with, but I didn’t.

So I tried the Lassie method by pointing out what I wanted on the menu while speaking a language that could’ve sounded like barking to her ears. Then I asked for no peppers and no onions four times. I just wanted the grilled chicken… Or pullet… Or whatever they call it south of the border. She said some words and I agreed by nodding my head.

What came out looked like prop food from any of the Star Trek series. It could have easily been food for Andorians, Klingons, Ferengis, or Cardasians. That chicken was littered with onions and green peppers!

I sprang into action with my fork and removed those disgusting items with a fierceness seen only during a UFC Championship match.

The waitress came back out and handed me what appeared to be a telegram on a plate. But once I opened it up, I found 2 tortillas inside. I found that a little odd.

Kira said that we could go somewhere else after she ate, but I made the best of it. I cut the chicken into bite sizes, spread out some rice, beans, and cheese to make a couple of burritos. It was good despite the residual flavor of the green peppers. I might even go back if I can get an interpreter to tag along.

Thanks for checking back and sending the emails. It is greatly appreciated.