Over-Familiar Service: On The Man Menu With Majumdar

Over-Familiar Service: On The Man Menu With Majumdar

Don’t ever call me mate, or that tip will stay very firmly in my wallet.

Introducing On The Man Menu With Majumdar, a new column by world-traveling food critic Simon Majumdar. Simon pulls no punches as he offers the definitive man's take on dining and drinking trends.

At best, most modern developments in the restaurant business fill me with despair. At worst, they actually make me begin to hate food itself.

The sight of foams and fancies are enough to send me sprinting for the door. Table-turning, which is made necessary by high rents, makes eating out in certain places feel like dining in a canteen, and the rise of the celebrity chef is cause to promote cookbook burnings across the country.

Crossing the line

One particular trend that has concerned me of late is the rise in over-familiar service — service where the staff try to become your best buddies by the end of the meal. I am not quite sure why, but it is a phenomenon noticeably on the rise. Perhaps it’s because they think it will lead to a bigger tip, or maybe it’s because they have been instructed to behave that way by their managers, who think it will draw in more customers. In my case, neither is true, and I actively avoid any restaurants where I have previously encountered service that I think crosses the line.

On two recent occasions, I have been put right off my dinner by over-eager young servers hunkering down to sit at the table while explaining the daily specials. On another, I spilled the best part of a pint of perfectly decent beer after receiving a far too hearty slap on the back from a cheery young woman.

Far too familiar

Admittedly, both of these were at more casual dining places, but such over-familiarity does seem to have also crossed over into some fine dining establishments. At another meal at a very well-known, high-end place in London, the liveried waiter stood behind my very attractive female dining companion, smiled at me and gave me a huge thumbs-up for “pulling” such a hot date. It was funny. In fact it made me laugh so hard I spurted soup out of both nostrils toward my horrified guest. But it was certainly not appropriate to the setting and certainly did not help me close the business deal, which was the actual purpose of our meeting.

If I sound like more of a curmudgeon than usual, I apologize. I should state for the record that I am delighted that the formal, pretentious, intimidating and, quite frankly, snooty style of service that I encountered when I first started dining out regularly has been replaced by a more friendly, casual style.

Before the advent of over-familiar service, I was often made to feel as if the restaurant was doing me an enormous favor by allowing me to cross its threshold and dare to demand a meal. Now, at least, I feel like they realize that I have a choice where I want to spend my money, and they act as if they are actually pleased to see me.

Maintaining that fine line

The correct balance between customer and staff should always be retained, and, although modern styles of service may be very welcome, staff should always be made aware that there is a fine line between engaging with your customers and making them feel uncomfortable by being too familiar.

As far as I am concerned, the diner/server equation is a very easy one. For their part, the servers should be efficient, courteous and not attempt to become my BFF by the end of our short time together. For my part, I should be respectful, clear in what I want and recognize good service with a decent gratuity.

over-familiar and under-professional

So, off the man menu this week is over-familiar wait service to be replaced with casual and friendly service that makes the diner feel welcome. Oh, and one last hint for any waiter unlucky enough to have to look after my table: Don’t ever call me “mate,” or that tip will stay very firmly in my wallet.Off the man menu: Over-familiar serviceOn the man menu: Respectful, welcoming servers