We have an anonymous account of the poor, wretched sorority girl who beshat herself at the national title game, and we found it intriguing both for its clinical description of the situation, its veracity, and its sympathy for the poor girl involved

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Digestion typically slows with age, giving bacteria extra time to transform your meals into hydrogen and methane. The gas itself may not behave as discreetly as it once did, either; in an older person, it tends to build up in the lower colon before making a sometimes rapid and noisy escape, says Karen Hall, M.D., Ph.D., an associate professor of medicine at the University of Michigan who specializes in geriatrics and gastroenterology. "There isn't necessarily more gas," she says, "but there's a higher potential for embarrassment."

Gas-producing foods such as beans, cabbage, and broccoli are healthful, so don't cut back too much. Try probiotics, gut-friendly bacteria available in supplements and foods like yogurt, kefir, and tempeh. A 2005 Mayo Clinic study of 48 patients found that taking probiotics containing acidophilus and bifidobacterium bacteria for 4 weeks decreased flatulence and bloating.

You can also keep excess air out of your system by going easy on carbonated beverages and slowly swallowing

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An American Airlines flight was forced to make an emergency landing on December 4th after a passenger lit a match to cover up the smell of her flatulence.

The Washington-to-Dallas flight landed in Nashville after a female passenger lit the match and passengers noted the smell of burning sulfur. All 99 passengers and five crew members left the plane upon landing and were screened, and the plane's luggage was removed and screened. The plane took off again, but the woman was not allowed back on board.

The unidentified passenger was questioned and admitted to striking the match or matches. She was said to have an undisclosed medical condition that may have caused the flatulence. She was released by the FBI and will not be charged, but a spokesperson for the Nashville International Airport Authority said that "American [Airlines] has banned her for a long time."

With airline passengers already skittish from the 9/11 attacks and other incidents including Richard Reid's "shoe-bomb" attempt, airlines and Federal authorities have little tolerance for anything involving fire or explosions on board aircraft. Passengers are allowed to bring a limited number of matches on board planes, but it is illegal to strike a match in an airplane, the Nashville spokesperson said.

As far as I know, Homeland Security is not considering naming flaming flatulence as an imminent terrorist threat. But perhaps agents will be on the lookout for individuals consuming large amounts of burritos at Taco Bell before flights.