"Oh, they won't be in any sort of a routine until around the six-month mark"

"Babies don't stop needing parenting when the sun goes down".

These are just a handful of the comments I have said to other people as they embark on the journey of new parenthood, and while they might be true, and I might have uttered them all in good faith, I'm beginning to see that they might be doing more harm than good.

We need to check our privilege

When I had my son, I was lucky enough to be in the position where I could take a year of maternity leave. It meant that I had the luxury of staying inside in my pajamas all day if he'd been up all night the night before. As such, the whole 'go with the flow' thing really worked for us. He kind of naturally settled into a routine eventually and I made the typical new parent assumption that it must be due to my superior parenting skills and not his natural temperament.

It wasn't until I started listening to more of my friends' experiences that I began to see a different perspective.

"I've been at the whim of my child day and night for the past five months," one exhausted friend told me, "and of course that's part of the bargain, but now I have to go back to work and be at the whim of my boss - I literally HAVE to sleep. But all these bloody memes on Facebook make me feel like a monster for even considering some kind of sleep training."

I realised that it was a luxury to be able to eschew routines in favour of demand-feeding a baby through the night. People who need to return to work not long after giving birth, or who have mental health issues or other conditions that require decent amounts of sleep are caught between feeling like they should be letting their babies set the routine and knowing that they can't be the mothers they want to be while functioning on so little in the tank.

It's an impossible situation, and one that - like so many other situations in society - leaves women bearing the brunt of the load.

Dad talks baby to sleep with job110592

Dad talks baby to sleep with job

09 Aug 2017

"Parents are not equipped with consistent information"

According to sleep consultants Maryanne Sayer and Steph Gouin, conflicting advice can set parents up for feeling powerless when it comes to helping their babies sleep, and is contributing to a nationwide sleep shortage that is having far-reaching effects on parents' - mainly mothers' - mental health.

"We believe sleep deprivation for new parents and babies is at crisis point, and has been for years," says Maryanne, "and nothing is being done about it, parents are left to struggle on.

“Sleep deprivation can be a real tipping point for post natal depression, anxiety issues and relationships tensions and breakdowns between couples. There is a plethora of inconsistent approaches, methodologies, advice and beliefs out there in relation to any sleep – and all of its conflicting. It’s no wonder parents are overwhelmed and confused”

The two women, who are founders of Dream Start Baby, say they are often contacted by medical professionals whose patients are suffering the effects of lack of sleep.

“As well as being contacted by sleep deprived families every day needing help, we are contacted by GPs, chiropractors and medical centres because they are inundated with families who are desperately needing help with their baby’s sleep,” explains Steph.

What is sleep deprivation costing us?

According to research commissioned by Dream Start Baby, 95 per cent of mothers experience negative consequences when their babies aren't settled or sleeping well. Of those consequences,over 50 per cent revealed they experienced relationship tension with their partners and nearly half reported experiencing anxiety and feelings of failure.

"Sleep is now the number one issue challenging new parents. The initial elation of a new baby’s arrival can quickly descend into a highly stressful and exhausting time for everyone involved," explains Steph.

“The way we live and work in community has evolved and changed so much over the last century, but what hasn’t changed, and will never change, is the basic needs of our babies in regards to sleep."

“You only have to look at the emergence of what is now the baby sleep 'industry', the number of baby sleep consultants out there and the huge waiting lists for baby sleep residential support units such as Tresillian and Karitane to realise that something fundamentally is not working in relation to the way that society and community is perceiving baby sleep,” adds Maryanne.

"Parents need consistent information about baby sleep"

"Parents are not equipped with consistent information, knowledge and understanding on how to manage their baby’s sleep and routine from day one," Maryanne continues, "particularly their sleep, feed and wake cycles. And this is where it all falls down. From very early on, poor habits and exhausting rituals are being undertaken as parents struggle through each day. This is not coming from a judgemental perspective, not at all and far from it. It is just the reality.”

"There is no consistent and reliable information and education on the foundations of baby sleep being given to parents from the outset – and this is the issue. We are all about breaking this cycle once and for all where the problem is starting, and the problem is starting from day one. If parents were provided with consistent and clear education from the start, it would be such a different landscape. Baby sleep is not complex, it is very very simple"

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