Tag Archives: equitable

I left a bit of a cliffhanger with inference there is a disturbance in the DD force with Mike and I. I will get to that in my next post – promise! I was re-reading my prior posts and felt I left a bit out that I want to add regarding Kayla.

HOW DOES KAYLA FIT IN TO OUR EQUITY? We weren’t looking for a relationship with Kayla, and it wasn’t like we were “needing” it. But our willingness to continually put our equity into our relationship means our relationship is open to so many new and wonderful things.

To re-visit my prior analogy, our marriage is not a closed box containing the two of us, it has a door and windows, and if someone rings the doorbell, we check out who it is. Maybe, just maybe, they get invited in. Some temporarily, like John, Donna, and Matt. Some..or make that one, stay indefinitely, like Kayla.

And what does it mean to have Kayla as part of my relationship with Mike….well, not just a relationship, but a marriage?

We both feel strongly connected to Kayla. She is part of us. “Us” in my marriage is three. I shared some of the things we have done to further “bond” her to “us.” Here are a few more things –

SOME SIMPLE THINGS Public displays of affection — holding hands, putting arms around each other, or even the quick little pecks on the lips. Yeah, they happen, whether Mike and her, or me and her, or the three of us. Pda’s can happen, but generally aren’t in our nature, so not a lot of that, but, they aren’t forbidden. Both Mike and I try to do it a little more with Kayla, as it is a simple gesture to show her we aren’t hiding her.

It also isn’t uncommon you hear us use various terms of endearment here and there… a “luv” here, a “babe” there, or even a “sweetie” at times. Any one of us may be directing it at any one else. It has even been a bit funny when someone says something and throws in a “babe” and the other two are like, “which babe are you talking to?”

SOME SEXY THINGS Of course there is also the sex. Kayla sleeps in our bed all the time now. Sex is an every night thing. Sometimes it can be more Mike and Kayla or more Mike and me, or more Kayla and I…it simply is whatever it evolves to be for the night. I do love watching the two of them. There are times I tell Mike I am fine with just the two of them having sex and I will just watch and masturbate.

We still have our one night a week alone with Mike. Kayla or I sleep in the guest room on alternate weeks on the nights the other one has their date night with Mike. Mike occasionally gives Kayla and I our own night out as well and he sleeps in the guest room. It’s nice we all get to pair up and have our own one-on-one time. We also all three go out on occasion when we have someone to stay with J.

SOME FURNITURE THINGS And as part of her moving her things into our room, we went shopping this week for new sheets and bedspread and we let her pick it out. We also got a new dresser that better compliments our decor so that Kayla could move all of her stuff into our room. Another little thing we did is that instead of “Kayla’s dresser” and “Jen’s dresser,” we alternated the drawers such that some of our stuff is in each dresser. No “her’s” and “mine.”

Lastly we made room for her knick-knacks and some pictures. Overall the feel is probably still a bit more Mike’s and I age, but it clearly has a Kayla touch.

SOME D/s THINGS
I find happiness in Kayla’s happiness and in all her growth and happiness our relationship has brought her. Further, I am so proud of Mike of finding it within himself to be able to give Kayla what she needs and desires – even when those things differ from what I need and desire. It can’t be easy to deal with two women who have different needs – but it sure helps when, in our case, the two women share a #1 need of pleasing him.

Their D/s has continued to evolve and has a lot more M/s elements to it. I joke that Kayla doesn’t breath without Mike’s permission. That’s an obvious overstatement, but, there isn’t much she can do without his permission or command. From speaking when he is around, to eating, to using the restroom – you can pretty much name it.

EQUITY IN OUR MARRIAGE
Overall our “open” marriage means we were open to all the things that we have subsequently experienced since adopting DD.

Open to people – obviously the deep relationship with Kayla, and the sexual/friendship relationships with John, Donna, and Matt.

Open to life – Our recent adoption of nudism is a good example of us finding something we weren’t even looking for.

EQUITY FOR KAYLA?How does Kayla feel about her relationship with Mike and I? I shared that she is happy and fulfilled, but what specifically does she find fulfilling. I asked her.

In Mike – she admits there is a bit of a fulfilling father-figure to him. His intense interest in who she is and how she feels, and his eagerness, not just willingness, to focus on her needs. She felt these things even when she was a little girl, and those feelings ended up serving as the foundation for her puppy love to become amorous and more.

She loves serving him, and craves his approval. At first it devastated her when he disapproved of something (punished her). That’s why she use to be a big crier. But she quickly learned that the thrill of doing better, serving him better, and being the person she desires to be, all make the punishments worth it. She learned they didn’t mark a failure as much as mark an opportunity.

She still tends to be a bit of crier, but she says her tears are different. They are often out of immense thankfulness and joy. A recognition that she is worthy of his guidance, expectations, and love. I know that phrase probably sickens those who are unfamiliar with DD or D/s. But I completely understand why she feels that way.

In me – Kayla also admits I serve a a bit of a mother figure to her, more so than she says Mike serves as a father figure. Probably because she feels a bit closer to her own father than her own mother. Kayla says she yearned for a mother figure. Someone to show pride when she did well, give unconditional acceptance, even when she did “dumb shit” as she puts it. Someone who cares when she suffered and who not only made efforts to help her feel better, but whose efforts actually succeeded in doing so.

Yeah, basically all the stuff a mom would do, she said she got that from me. And like with Mike, those things preceded our “adult’ relationship. We were those things to her when she was 11, 12, 13, etc. Again, all serving as a foundation for a love that eventually turned amorous.

And just to clarify, Kayla said while she feels “let down” by her parents, they were not abusive in the typical meaning of the word. Numb, not caring, not nurturing, yes – so she feels fortunate they were not abusive other than the abuse of disinterest.

WHAT NEXT? Who knows what’s next…or even if there is a next. But whether or not there is, or whatever it may be, I know we are receptive to exploration – so much so that if only one of us wants to explore, they are free to do so, without the others.

I believe the roles, responsibilities, and relationships that Mike and I have, with each other and with others, is highly equitable. But, what if Mike or I wanted something that wasn’t equitable? See that? A nice segue into what I alluded to in the prior post regarding DD sympatico. . . Next post, I promise!