HOW TO TRAVEL FROM MIDLIFE MADNESS TO MAGICAL.

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Why you should write your own Paris Story

And make it all about you

Once upon a time I went to Paris. It was to do a creativity workshop. In the months before this trip I’d written a fairy story about a woman who unexpectedly found her real heart on the floor one morning and ran away to Paris with it. I imagined it as a piece of magical realism. An Amelie for the older woman. Actually I’m still working on it. I reckon it has the makings of a sweet Paris movie.

Anyhow enough daydreaming. What my fairy story foretold was that everything would change after that journey. And it did. Best of all the depression and grief I was dealing with got that much better. Not just because I went to Paris. It was because I decided to make it into a story.

Actually I’m still writing my story. Searching for the pieces that will complete it. Making sense of my character. Her actions. And reactions. Feeling surprised at the unexpected twists the plot can take. Sometimes it’s a bit scary. Like I type something in and then it’s happening. In my real life.

At other times something happens. Things I’m not planning. Then I realise where this piece of narrative fits into the fairy tale. And the bigger plot. I’m constantly rewriting sections to make them more truthful as it were. To make sense of things.

To reflect my expanding understanding of what the story is really about. Of who this woman is. What her core values are. Why she is the person she is. What might happen for her next. How she will respond.

And this blog. My Paris Story. It’s metaphorical for that journey. That from younger to older woman. From half to whole. From here to there. From outer to inner. From me to you. All those journeys that we take over a life time.

Have you noticed that the good stories are not always about the clever successful never make a mistake kind of people. Nor is a happy ending absolutely essential. Sometimes it’s better if things are a little unresolved. A bit messy. Thank goodness. There’s hope there for us ordinary folk. With our everyday lives.

It’s actually the character-flaws and mistakes-made and tragedies-experienced that bring the richest deepest colour to a story. More than that. It’s the heroines response to these things that captures our heart. It’s when she shows us how she has grown more wholehearted that we are most impressed.

When she falters or admits fault or even makes the wrong decision. When she finally stops avoiding things and grows a little more courageous. When she reveals her truest feelings. When she conveys the deeper bigger meaning of even seemingly insignificant events that we thrill most to the story.

Which is why when I was at a class reunion and a former flat-mate who is now somewhat self assuredly a very successful person finished talking about himself and asked me what I’d ‘actually done’ with my life I was able to soak up the clear condesension in his voice and say I’d spent a decade or more to figuring out how to be happy.

Because I was writing my story I realised at some point that this is what had happened. And more. Like how to I’d also grown my capacity to love. And to contain pain. But I didn’t share that with him. Just left it at the happiness thing.

It’s why I reckon you should write something down too. Or make a storyboard. Or even just start with telling someone something about you. Ok so that first draft is sure to be a bit shitty. It won’t be word-perfect. It might seem silly. Or be scary.

If you are anything like me there will be spelling mistakes. Messy bits and other errors. But you will learn so much. Uncover secrets. Feel better able to live with your imperfect life and self.

You will grow your emotional muscles. They’re the ones that help contain your regrets. Hold the sorrow. All that. Without falling completely apart. Because everything will be in a much bigger context.

You will find yourself suddenly making connections. Joining up dots. Seeing a picture. You will uncover the hidden meaning of things.

The best thing is this. When we decide to write or say or tell our our story we become the narrator of our life. Not just a passive actress or a participant in a play. We get to have a say.

Paradoxically telling our story and owning up to our flawed lives and failed bits opens up other possibilities not thought of before. It grows self compassion. Forgiveness. Connections.

We can’t always choose what happens or even predict our response. But we can make sense of it.

When we find that authentic voice we have found a way to have a say in the things that are happening. Maybe not about who, where and what the story is about exactly. But by giving personal meaning to all these elements. In that way we get to have a choice in the story arch and hopefully the ending. We give ourselves a chance to make the outcome redemptive. And personal. Like all the good stories.

Though my favourite ending of all times is this. Because I think it’s one of the essentials truths.

Thanks for taking time out to read my ponderings. I will confess I am a late convert to the art of journaling. But once I brought a moleskin, made it pretty and then allowed myself to mess it right up I’ve been avidly writing to myself ever since!

Thank you for this. Thank you for always sharing so much of yourself and encouraging us to do the same. I am struggling right now with some personal issues. I want to write about them but am scared to dredge up the pain of the past. Your blog encourages me to move past that and just do it. I really hope we get to meet in Paris and just sit over a glass of wine and talk. 🙂 Jo

Hey Johanne. I’m pretty sure that telling the narrative of your story and making sense of it is the key to some sort of resolution. I also think our chances of sharing that glass of wine in Paris this May are very high. I’m looking forward very much to meeting you and to telling some of our story in person:)

About Me

Once upon a time, not so long ago, I went to Paris. It was a great big generous gift to myself. Because I wanted it to last I wrote some things down, and I made some little watercolours. And because in my everyday normal life I work as a doctor in mental health I used mindfulness on myself. Guess what.... it's great stuff. I found out that when you go away, its not just about what to see or to have or to know but how you do these things. That the real journey is from your head to your heart and your feet and hands and all your senses get involved along the way! And its all good for you. I realised I'd found a way to go though the muddle of midlife from a sort of madness to a more magical place. And along the way I fell in love with the place they call Paris.
I wanted to tell other women all about it, so I made this blog. Now this is my gift to you. I truly hope you will be inspired to make your own Paris Story come true.