A Good, Bad, and Ugly group

rape victim and my boyfriend lives out of state

Bookmark Discussion

goodvibee wrote:

i'm young and in school. i'm a rape victim and now pregnant! i'm so glad to be blessed with this child but i'm confused on what to do about this situation. my. boyfriend lives in Georgia and i'm in New York. we've been dating for almost a year and in about 2 years he's going to get a job up here. he said he'll support me with the baby and will raise it like his own. the real father has no idea and idk if the police will notify him. i'm also afraid that this will mentally effect me knowing that this baby may look like it's real father. i'm irish and german mixed and he's puerto rican. any suggestions or tips on what i should do? i would love to keep the baby but i don't think i'm mentally stable and maybe i should do adoption.

Poor sweetheart! I am so sorry this happened to you... you are very brave and strong and please know that you are not alone! That little one you carry it is not his fault or yours! If you decide to keep him or her, all i can tell you is that baby will bring you so much joy and happiness and im sure your boyfriend will be there for you as you said he will raise that baby as his own! That baby is just as innocent as you are in this, and he does not know what has happened! You can always look into adoption if anything but please don't abort! I know it is hard mentally right now and emotionally also but that baby will bring you so much more happiness in life!

Take care hun! And think about your child sweetheart! You are strong and very brave and your boyfriend...all my respects for him for sticking with you in hard times!

I think once you hear your baby cry and hold him or her and feel them move inside you it will be harder for you to let he or she go. The baby may have half of that mans sperm but it also has half of yours. Good things can come of bad situations. Your baby will always wonder why it was adopted and will struggle with that. However if you feel like there's no way you could be nice to the child and have feelings like that maybe it would be best. But only you know how strong you are. I would wait if I were you to get used to the pregnancy hormones and feel the baby move to make a decision.

I am so sorry about what happened to you. I had a friend who was a rape victim and was old enough to be my mother but when I was older she had confided in me that she was a rape victim when she was 12 years old. Her son was my little friend and I knew he was her kid (he was only a year older than me) She adored him and had never told him of her situation and the boy's grandma told him that she was his mother and that his biological mother was his sister. Well years passed and she visited and had been so sad. I had not been aware that her son thought she was his sister but she couldn't live with the lie anymore and told him when be was around 26 years old. It affected him mentally and although she took care of him lovingly and as a mother would to any child he hated her for keeping the truth from him.

I don't know if you giving him up or keeping him is the best. If you feel you may hate your child and your child will be neglected and abused then its best to give him to someone who will adore him. If you feel that you will love him with or without your boyfriend then keep him just don't become to dependent on the idea your boyfriend will be with you just incase things don't go that way.

When your baby grows older you can tell him the truth of how his father and you were not in a relationship but things happened one night and his father did the unthinkable but that your baby is still a blessing none the less.

I really wish you all the best and hope your decision will bring you and your son so many blessings.

Oh goodness if that's the case she should never tell the rapist and on the birth certificate to place the father's name as unknown and she can give her baby her last name only so she and her baby are safe from anyone.

When I was 17 (24 now) I was in your shoes. But he knew and threatened to have her taken from me and I was naive and scared so I put him on the birth certificate and gave her his last name. I finally ended up breaking all ties with him before she was 1, it was terrifying but I now kick myself for not doing it earlier, once he learned his scare tactics didn't work on me he didn't care to see her. I recently got married to an amazing man and was able to get the "baby daddy" to give up parental rights so my husband is now on her birth certificate and she shares his last name.

Do not make my mistake, there is no reason for him to be notified unless you want to go after child support. To me it was not worth it but that's up to you. And either way you can give your child whatever last name you choose. If he does wish to have parental rights id suggest taking him to court. Best of luck to you and I hope all goes well!

The material on this website is provided for educational purposes only and is not to be used for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, or in place of therapy or medical care. Use of this site is subject to our terms of use and privacy policy.