Sunday, 5 February 2017

The Devil's Tool...

Being somewhat of a Luddite in this technical age, I have finally decided that my all-singing, and all-dancing iphone, has now been consigned to the bin, (which is a step down to its previous usage as a prop to my table to even it up a bit).

I have NEVER taken a selfie, used the camera, videoed anything, streamed, or downloaded an app of any kind, and avoid social media like any sane person would, and, what the devil would I want a torch in it for ? As for a built in location service forget it, I'd pay you to take it away.

MegaPixels are no use to me with my eyesight, or a touch screen because I cannot read the print without an electron microscope either. I only had 6 numbers on it, because I prefer to be anti-social and avoid idiots telling me they were going shopping or something, just bloody go, for god's sake, I don't need to know. The 6 numbers are only for people I trust and like. It's NOT good to talk, much better you STOP talking you obviously have little to say I want, or need to know about, go online with the other 4B idiots with nothing else to do.

I don't understand Tariffs on my pay as you go approach to using a phone, I ended up paying for everyone else to go, (and it seems they went via Australia, Peru, and via Nova Scotia taking the scenic route). Having forked out a hefty £20 so I can post an occasional and reluctant text to people who have managed (despite my opposition), to attain my phone number, I found that 6 texts locally swallowed up the entire 20 quid. I can never remember what my phone number is, I usually text a relative and they tell me, I can just about manage to recall my house number without recalling a phone number I last saw used to describe the odds on a lottery win..

Played havoc with updating credit, as the cash went everywhere except to credit the number of my phone with. Having tentatively asked why they gave me a card to update my credit when it doesn't actually do that fell on deaf ears. I asked where does this credit actually GO ? they said no idea, so if you want to update your phone you need to go to the shop and negotiate it or something, because they are hacked to buggery, so it isn't safe to do it online.

Things were much easier when the post office ran the phone service, you just pressed an A or B button it was sorted (Vandals permitting).

I did suggest to the phone provider that was rather expensive, given they said I had somehow managed to qualify for a 1,000 free texts, and only 6 later I was bereft of a phone service. Wearily I went to ask that font of all relevant and pointless knowledge, Google, to ask why me ?

Apparently, the 1,000 text thing you only get if you first, tick some box to say you want them, have been certified clinically insane, and/or accept yet another bundle of useless services you will never use, then use them all up in about 12 minutes or something, while they drain your bank account. I did question who on the planet would use more than 20 texts a month ? (unless they suffered some addiction or other), they looked at me in a rather pitying and condescending way as if to suggest I left day release too early... (It's a Lie, the release was signed 2 days ago).

Obviously not on planet apple. They have, they boasted, customers who post an average of a 100 texts every day, I said well, it looks like they are still losing the other 900 to me, and are either millionaires, or should be referred to counseling or something. I suggested the latter, and the said phone inserted in a rear orifice of some kind, where what they talked about should be orated from in the need for total accuracy..

Then I noticed that there are 'bundled' applications on said phone, (I thought they were just an assortment of icons to make the phone look pretty), that swallow up your phone credit while you are asleep or something by continually 'roaming' or phoning out to them, so in effect anything from £2-£10 a day or more disappears into the ether because your phone provider did not tell you, you have to switch off some 'roaming' option first, and/or the fact you cannot switch them off because that is how they make their money or something. I had visions of said phone watching my every move and when I went to bed, started phoning home further than ET ever did.

You can use a 'SIM' or something, but that still doesn't stop some app or other draining that to buggery as well, the problem seems to be there is no option to erase all the apps on your phone, so you can just do a text or make a spoken call. I only paid £30 for the phone and it cost me £100s and no services I wanted were included. It was obvious to me, iphones were a useless and utterly pointless proposition, so I have dug out my old 9 yr old NOKIA phone that does that and nothing else, in the hope there is nothing on there draining away my son's inheritance.

I read recently even your average whiz kids are now dumbing down with their phones too. I was told phone users aren't addicted to them, it just takes bloody hours to work out how to make a call. What else can you do when a 6yr old isn't available ?