I’ve been spending more time on work as my exit date approaches. Now that I can focus better I’m finding it’s an effective way to block out problematic thoughts. The world fades away while I am concentrating. The problem is that when I stop, everything comes back with a vengeance. I’m beginning to see why drowning your sorrows is a bad idea. The longer the break the harder it hits when it’s over.

I can see the temptation to fill time with distractions – especially during the early period when it’s all you can do to get through the day. Several people in yesterday’s group seemed to be doing exactly that. Pretty sure that’s a bad path for me. I’d rather deal with the constant sadness than the extremes.

The doorbell rang as I was working earlier. A courier asked me to hold a delivery of fresh flowers for a neighbor who wasn’t home. It’s so cold today he was concerned they would freeze if he left them outside. After he left I realized the flowers were a condolence gift. Not good. I wonder who she lost. Her house is dark. I think she’s been gone all day. Hope she’s OK.