Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Dissatisfied ferrets resort to Jewish guilt

Ferrets have made no secret out of the fact that they are not happy about being so low down the list of favorite pets, hovering way below the classic favorites like dogs and cats and somewhere between a potbellied pig and a chia pet. Instead of taking this like a man, they unsurprisingly take it like a ferret, which means tons of fucking passive aggressive comments about how all the ferret wants is for you to be happy and if it doesn't make you happy, well, then maybe it just shouldn't be around any more.

This particular manipulative bastard has taken it to a whole other level. If a Ferret ever gives you shit like this, just say, "No, Ferret, I am not going to cook you to put you out of your misery. JUST BECAUSE I DON'T CALL EVERY WEEK DOESN'T MEAN I DON'T LOVE YOU ANY MORE. And stop looking at me like that, I will not be taken in by your firm but loving stare." Then slowly back away from the Ferret and when both of you are calmer you can make plans to firmly define your boundaries.

This is the best you can do after almost a month off...and 3 weeks off before that? FUP, you're losing your touch. What--the book royalties making you all candy-hearted toward the sneaky bastards that got you there?

Stupid. Fucking. Ferret. This plan will NEVER work. Don't you know you're not even close to Kosher? Sigh, why does nature insist that "cute" must equal "dumb"? Now fuck off and don't try to weasel your way into another pun, I mean pan.

This f'n ferret is about to go all Drugs Free commercial on his owners. "This is your ferret. This is your ferret on drugs. Any questions?" And then of course you will have a question. Where the hell did my ferret get the money to buy drugs? But by that time it will be too late. RIP druggy ferret. RIP.

Standing in a ungreased pan on an unlit stove is more like the some weird protestant hybrid of Jewish guilt. Ferret call me when you finish grad school and we'll talk serious guilt trips. Until then, get out of the pan and write your mother!

Now, see, the ferret's problem is clear - complete and utter self-deprecation. Ferrets are the 3rd most popular pet in America, and yet all they can do is complain about how "nobody loves me, wah wah wah." SUCK IT UP, FERRET. Next thing you know they'll be claiming they were never loved as pups and now they need therapy to become full and complete creatures in tune with Nature and Harmony and shit.

Some ferret's are truly loved by those fantastic owners who are in complete denialThe ones who tell you that their ferrets don't stinky because they have been de-stinkified but then you walk in their house and are so overcome by the pungent stench that your nose and eyes start burning.

Hello!I was in Taiwan specializing in tourism Web site, if you go to Taiwan to have to find me Oh! I would be very pleased to work with a pleasantThe following is my website name and URL and E-mail, but also hope you can always visit my website ︿ ︿ Oh, I wish a happy and healthy!Site Name：高雄旅遊URL：http://www.xn--5gqq5x5pk9n5b00g7kg.tw

Many ironies here: 1) JUST posted on my blog yesterday list of favorite things and one favo thing is our ferret Puck 2) our last name is Weckstein (equals jewish!) so Puck must be jewish!! 3) Word verification, for my first ever comment here is, you ready? ....."PETsesse"!!!!!!!