Jewish on the Outside

Eli is a musician. He grew up with music. His father is a musician. His grandparents were musicians. The Schwebels love music.

And not just any music. Jewish music. It’s the lifeblood of the Schwebel family. His grandfather was a chazan, from the old guard of Jewish liturgical singers. And his father – Rivie Schwebel, with his group Dveykus – ushered in the modern era of Jewish music.

Eli sings. His brothers sing. And the biggest singers in the Jewish world – Abie Rotenberg, Mordechai Ben David, Yossi Green, Avraham Fried – were friends with his dad. They were in and out of the house all the time.

Eli learned from the best.

Eli went to Israel after high school. Many of his friends did as well. They went to different yeshivas in Jerusalem. But they got together. A lot. And – wouldn’t you know it? – his friends sang, too.

And they were good at it.

They got together and sang almost every Shabbos. They were in demand. Prominent families wanted them at their Shabbos tables. The harmonies were incredible. And Eli and his friends had their pick.

They booked studio time and recorded their first album. They did it a cappella. No band. No instruments. Nothing. Just voices. And although Jewish a cappella is common today, it was radical at the time.

And it was a hit. They called their group Lev Tahor. Their debut sold 40,000 units. It’s still selling. And it started a trend. If you are religious, and it is the Omer or the Three Weeks, you cannot avoid hearing an onslaught of Jewish a cappella. It’s their fault.

He has a great head for business, too. Eli knows how to put deals together. He buys and sells companies. He deals in private equity and real estate. He is a mover. He is a shaker. And he is comfortable in a suit and tie.

Eli was an unaffiliated, disconnected, uninspired Jew. Except that he was Orthodox.

After yeshiva – and in addition to performing all the time – Eli made deals and made money. He worked and traveled a lot.

Making money wasn’t Eli’s problem either.

In 2007, Eli went to Israel to sing at a Bar Mitzvah. It was a paying gig. But the gig was just a sideshow. Eli was working on a business deal. A big one. Huge. He was buying a company. And if the deal went through – as it was about to do – Eli was going to move to Georgia, manage the new business, and make a lot of money.

And that was great. Except that Eli had a problem.

Jewish on the Outside

Eli needed to figure things out. The whirlwind of business and singing and travel were getting to him. What was he doing? What was he doing this for? And why did he feel so disconnected to, um, everything?

He needed to think about it.

He didn’t want to make the business deal. Not really. But the deal wasn’t his problem.

He loved music. He loved singing. But his music was “Jewish music” by default. He was a product of his environment. Except for Billy Joel, Elton John, and Peter Cetera (not exactly the paragons of radical chic) he didn’t know much else. He wasn’t about to rap or join a Kiss tribute band. But that wasn’t his problem either. Not really.

Eli didn’t know who he was.

He was Jewish. But what did that mean? What did it mean to him? He loved recording and singing with Lev Tahor, but he felt disengaged from the rest of the lifestyle. He didn’t have a rabbi. He wasn’t associated with a yeshiva. He was an outsider. He was an unaffiliated, disconnected, uninspired Jew. Except that he was Orthodox. But he wasn’t. He didn’t know who he was. He didn’t have an identity. He didn’t know what he believed.

That was his problem.

He went to the Western Wall. He put on tefillin. He sat there all day. His brain felt like jelly – soft squishy jelly – he felt alone. So alone, confused, unsure. Something was missing. He had a big personality. He was the life of the party. But he wasn’t. He cried. He cried and cried. He needed a break from business. He didn’t want to go to Georgia. He needed time. He needed a lot of time. He needed to figure himself out. He was in Israel. He was at the Kotel. He was wearing tefillin. Jewish meant something. But what? He didn’t know. He needed to figure it out. He needed to step off the hamster wheel.

But that wasn’t going to happen. Georgia was on the horizon. The deal was a forgone conclusion.

Bummer.

He went back to his hotel. He was exhausted – crying is draining – and he drank some wine. Good wine. He sat there feeling sorry for himself. He needed help. Something needed to give.

The phone rang. Should I answer it? he thought. Okay. He answered it.

It was the CEO – the CEO from the company he was about to buy. The deal was off.

Er. No comprende.

The CEO wasn’t the real CEO. Not really. He was the acting CEO. The real CEO was dead. The acting CEO was the real CEO’s brother. And at the eleventh hour, the acting CEO’s mother called and begged. “Please don’t sell the company. It is the only thing I have left of your brother! You can’t get rid of it.” And that was that. The deal was off.

Over. Finished. Kaput. Done.

Thank God.

Heart Treatment

Eli can take a hint. He decided to stay in Israel. He decided to figure this out. He was in Jerusalem. He checked out of his hotel, went to the Old City, found an apartment, and checked in to Aish HaTorah. Aish was spiritual rehab. Eli knew a lot. But not really. He didn’t really know anything.

He took classes. He met rabbis. He hung out with Rav Noach Weinberg ztz’l. And – slowly, he got perspective. Aish was a paradigm shift. It was his chance to ask all of his questions.

He even got a few answers. And realized that Judaism wasn’t what he thought it was. It wasn’t one-dimensional. God wasn’t Zeus. You could love God and learn Torah and grow and be yourself. You didn’t need the shtick.

Eli was like a nuclear bomb – megatons of pent up energy, expression, yearning, desire – but unfocused. No direction.

Eli was like a nuclear bomb – megatons of pent up energy, expression, yearning, desire – but unfocused. No direction. He was like a hose on the lawn with the water spurting everywhere. At Aish he got clarity. Aish challenged his misconceptions. It gave him focus. And it helped him put his life in perspective.

Sort of. It was a start.

But it wasn’t magic. It wasn’t like he went to Aish for a few months and now he was happily-ever-after. It was a start. He had permission to ask questions. He had time to think about the answers. And he felt he could figure it out.

Eli is a sensitive person – spiritually and emotionally. His problems started when he lost touch. His heart was strong, but his mind wasn’t in charge. And he needed to get that in order.

But he figured it out.

And he recorded a new album. His new music is the story of his journey. About getting in touch with his heart.

“It is about me, understanding myself, and understanding my heart. That is the message.” The album is called Heart’s Mind. “Your heart has a mind. It’s yours. But you have to treat it like it’s a separate person. You can’t ignore it. You have to get to know it. It took me a while to get to know mine.”

ITS NOT ABOUT WHAT YOU KNOW / ITS ABOUT WHAT YOU DO / DO YOU LOVE WHAT YOU DO? / DO YOU PUT ALL YOU'VE GOT INTO IT / EVERYBODY’S GOT SOMETHING THAT THEY LOVE / BUT THEY JUST CAN’T FIND THEIR WAY/ YOU’VE GOT THE POWER / TO CHOOSE YOUR LIFE / YOU’VE GOT A FIRE / BURNING THROUGH THE NIGHT / ONCE YOU KNOW WHAT YOU’RE LIVING FOR YOU COME ALIVE / SO YAGGA, ???, FIND OUT WHO YOU REALLY ARE

Tzvi Gluckin lectures extensively on a wide range of Jewish related topics. He is the author of four books including: Everything You Want Is Really Jewish, Discover This, and Knee Deep in the Funk: Understanding the Connection Between Spirituality and Music. He served in the Israeli Army, holds a B.M. in Jazz Studies from the New England Conservatory of Music, and is currently the director of Vechulai, an innovative Jewish think tank in Boston. For more information, visit his website at gluckin.com/.

Things can be difficult and hard, but we shouldn't give up. We have a lot of potential and need to find how to nourish our soul and spread light to the world. Personal prayer and friendly support helps a great deal

(8)
Anonymous,
June 10, 2014 9:10 PM

I cried when i read this, i grew up religious too, and though looked the same on the outside, completely lost touch on the inside, and am now searching for answer, meaning and for myself, its comforting to know your journey lead you somewhere, and I can only pray mine will too, your music is beautiful, from the heart, and something everybody shud hear.Thank yoiu for sharing your music, and most impo. your story.

(7)
Jay,
June 7, 2014 11:46 PM

Rings True

What a wonderful song. But so many of us, including myself,-struggle to unleash the power that is within and given to us by G-od. Before it is to late, I must give this "power" bacll to G-d. so it may then reflect off G-d and in some small way be a positive force for mankind.

(6)
Joe,
May 22, 2014 6:05 AM

A new level

I bought the album and love it. This is a new level on every level, both musically and lyrically.

I think what Eli is doing is tracing, musically, the leading edge, the rough outline of a new approach to honest inner thought as a sincere orthodox Jew today.

There are many kindred spirits from all walks of our people who are also walking this road- angling, whittling, refining, compelled to risk taking a step back and look inwardly, to ask themselves hard, sincere questions as they try to feel out- what is real, what do I really believe?

Refined and hewed against the challenges of today's knowledge and realities, Judaism reveals another layer, a new song, as it begins a conversation with a new generation, as it has done since the beginning of time when a young boy in Mesopotamia first asked - what is real?

(5)
Chavy,
May 20, 2014 4:07 PM

I don't understand today's education

I am at a loss to understand why there are so many young people who are having trouble connecting to Yiddishkeit even though our education is at a higher level than ever. It's true that today's education is too hard for some and has turned off many. But the education is strong. WHy so many questions about basic beliefs when it's handed to students on a silver platter? What are we doing wrong?

It is supposed to be this way,
June 18, 2014 12:01 PM

The answers are in Sotah

In the end days, girls will turn against their mothers, boys against their fathers. Everything is on schedule according to our writings. That doesn't make what is happening any less painful though.

zal,
August 7, 2014 9:11 AM

no direction

There's a gap between beliefs and actions. If Gd is everywhere, why aren't we selflessly helping, connecting w every creature in universe?

If achdut, unity, is the goal, why aren't religious jews united?If every mitzva makes us holy, why aren't we feeling it?How should we do the mitzvos to feel connected to Gd?

(4)
Candy Ross,
May 20, 2014 12:23 PM

Love it!

Great beat, inspirational words and nice, catchy tune. What's not to love?

(3)
adam aranov,
May 20, 2014 3:13 AM

its finally here! Eli!

eli, I dont know if you remember me or if you will read this, but I remember walking with you in the old city and talking about exactly this! you told me about this song and I am so happy its finally here! please bring strength to our fellow jews who are in the same boat as us and need to find themselves! the song is so beautiful I am crying!
thank you tzvi for writing this piece only your style could bein out the heart of this story!

(2)
sharona,
May 20, 2014 12:48 AM

Very inspiring. Many can probably relate. We know the surface and what to do, but then our mind and heart says why?That's when our journey to growth really begins as we dig deeper and seek and find the meaning we're searching for. Takes a lot of effort, time and patience, but every steps counts towards nourishing our soul . There's always new challenges, but they are only opportunities for more growth