Trying to turn it around

I don’t really have much to say at the moment. I mean…I have lots to say, I just (for once in my life) am not putting it all over the internet in gory detail. Just hinting at it here and there and I probably shouldn’t even do that (you know, in that maddening way of tweeting or posting a passive aggressive or whingey status update with no context? I’ve tried not to but sometimes they slip out).

I’m sad. I’m angry. I’m tired. I’m frustrated. I’m flat.

I have some good girl friends who love me very much. For that I am grateful, and I am grateful that I am not so fogged out that I can’t see that.

I am trying to be positive about romantic relationships but, at the moment, I’m wondering why on earth anyone would be in one.

But no, it’s not all negative. I trust God, even though it’s hard sometimes. In some ways it shouldn’t be hard, because I know he is wisdom and love and he wants nothing but good for me. But I guess my rebellious heart wants to do its own thing even though its own thing is usually not very smart.

I listened to the wonderful Jenny Salt this morning, and loved the end of her talk:

I want to be remembered as one who, by the grace of God, was able to trust in him, trust in his will for my life, and know him as my heavenly father through Jesus Christ. By his grace I want to be remembered as one who submitted to his perfect will with a thankful heart and a growing desire to serve him wherever he places me. And for the time that he has me on this earth, which is just a blink of an eye, a blip on the radar, I don’t want to be spending the time wishing for something that he never wanted me to have, that was never mine to have. I don’t want to waste my time with it.

I don’t want us to be thinking of ourselves as primarily single or married. I want us to be thinking about ourselves as children of God, and live for him where he has you now. There is great joy in that. And may the cry of our hearts be, in the words of Psalm 73: ‘whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.’

Okay. Something positive. Here’s a picture of me and Jelssie on the weekend. We had a really great Saturday! Three sisters in Christ (who all incidentally happen to be single), enjoying a wonderful autumn day, doing creative things. God has blessed us richly.

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3 Comments

For what it’s worth, I find your posts super encouraging and normalising and would miss them if you didn’t write! My psych asked me how I was thinking about romantic relationships and I said I’d had enough of self-improvement Jen, that I realised it was an issue that needed exploring but that it was ok to leave it for a bit. So you’re not alone in your wonderings about romantic relationships 🙂 But God has proven over and over that my thoughts can be changed, so I know that there will probably be a time in the future when I can fathom their goodness and would even maybe want to be in a relationship! All in his timing.Hang in there 🙂