Vindicated: I am selfish, I am wrong
I am right, I swear I'm right! Swear I knew it all along, and I am flawed, but I am cleaning up so well.
I am seeing in me now, the things you swore you saw yourself...

Friday, September 4, 2009

Chapter 23

***In what seems to be an ongoing pattern with me as of lately... thank you Jay =)***

We lied awake for hours, talking in whispers under the covers; acting like we were children trying to hide from his parents. Being with Evgeni made me forget about everything else; the media, the tournament, feeling betrayed. Everything seemed so simple when I was around him, like nothing else mattered.

He drove me back to the hotel before lunch; wishing me luck and informing me that his father and him were going to be there, watching my game. As calming as Geno’s presence had been the night before, the thought of him watching me play terrified me; as if a poor performance could change his opinion on me. I was just pushing through the front doors when I was hailed down by Rennie and Consti. “Coach was flipping shit, man! Where have you been?”

“I… I stayed at a friends house for the night.” Rennie nodded at my explanation, while Consti watched me through knowing eyes. “So, when do we leave?”

“Not for a while yet. We play Canada at 7pm, but we’re suppose to be there at 5.” Rennie explained as we made our into the hotel’s restaurant for lunch.

Mattie was sitting with the O’Shea twins, a look of condescension on his face when he saw me; a look that mad me glad I didn’t spend the night with him. As Rennie jabbered on about the game tonight; my mind wandered over to the night I had just had. It was amazing, in a way; Mattie was my boyfriend but here I was, feeling guilty for not being around Geno. What is wrong with me?

Our warm up was stressful; not a good sign. The arena was packed… Canada vs. USA was apparently a big deal to these people. I took my time skating around, staring into the crowds, searching for Geno; it seemed futile given how many people were here. When the final buzzer went I headed into our bench; taking a glance up as I did. He was there, smiling at me. Of course he’d be behind the bench; he was Evgeni Malkin, he had connections. I laughed to myself and gave him a smile back. I took my seat and glanced over my shoulder one last time, to see his father patting him on the back and nodding in my direction. Oh no Evgeni, what did you tell him about me? I sighed and turned my attention back to coach, there’s nothing I can do about it now.

Canada… oh Canada… the home of hockey. They never even saw it coming. Whether I was just having an ‘on’ game, or if the smiles I kept glancing over to see in the stands were pushing me to be better; I was unstoppable.Every move, was sure and fast. My weight shifted effortlessly back and forth over my pumping legs, keeping me ahead of the game at all times. My hands worked in a blur as I moved forwards, then sideways; squeezing into the places that no one else saw. The game was tied at 3-2, for us. 2 of the goals belonged to me; the other to Jake. In the final minutes of the game I pulled back, allowing them to get ahead of me. I wanted them to move first, I wanted them to make a mistake and show me an opening. Finally seeing my opportunity I took it, flipping the puck up on my stick and switching around to my backhand. I barrelled in on the net; realizing just how outnumbered I was. With no time to see where anyone else was I feinted a shot, giving the goalie only enough time to see my smile; before my hat trick sealed our win.

“What the fuck was that Simone!?” Consti screamed in my ear, pulling me into a one-armed hug. We were elated, ecstatic. I wasn’t sure if I was more excited about getting a hat-trick in front of Evgeni, or the rest of the world. “Eh, no one’s gonna have a problem with a girl playing in the big leagues now are they?” I could only smile in response… what a picture perfect game.

“Your boyfriends waiting for you outside.” Mattie spat in my ear. I tried not to think too much of it, he had played a horrible game; of course he would be mad… but I wanted a fight. I wanted a reason to spend time with Geno. It was amazing how much had changed in the course of one night. I knew I shouldn’t hold what Mattie did against him; I knew that I loved him and I knew that I would regret doing anything to screw-up our relationship. But I wanted it… knowing he had cheated on me had changed so much, I could only imagine what my betrayal had done to him.

“And where’s your girlfriend at tonight? Oh wait… you’re not even sure who the fuck it was. Don’t give me your shit Mattie… you’re just as guilty as I am now.” He gave me a mocking-laugh, staring at me like there was a bad taste in his mouth.

“What does it matter… one whore’s as good as the next.” He spat.

“Fuck you!” I shoved him backwards, grabbing my purse off the bench. “Don’t stand there and judge me like you’re so perfect. I made a mistake, and I’m sorry that I did that to you; but that doesn’t give you a ‘get out of jail free card’. You’re no better than I am.” I glanced away from Mattie around the room, realizing that our argument had escalated enough to grab the attention of everyone present. I took one last look at Mattie before I turned on my heel and headed for the door, praying Geno was still there.

“He only wants you cause you’re not his. As soon as he gets in your pants he’ll be done with you.”

“Well, at least I don’t have to worry about him trying to fuck some Russian in a bar.” I fired back.

“Who are you-” Dean started to ask as I reached for the door. The question caught in his throat as I threw it open; Evgeni was standing on the other side.

The smile on his face faltered as he caught sight of my expression. He looked back into the room glancing around at the eyes all focused on him. He caught sight of, what I assumed was Mattie, and understanding dawned on his face. He reached for my arm, grabbing me as the tears started to pour over my lids. Ushering me quickly down the hall; he gave up on trying to steer me, instead pulling me up into his arms ‘bride-style’ and carrying me out of the arena. Once I felt the cool night air hit my body, I heard a man talking in rapid Russian; concern evident through the language barrier. Evgeni responded in a few low answers, clutching me close to his body.

I couldn’t bring myself to let go of him. I clung to his body like my life depended on it; unable to control myself as I sobbed into his neck. He spoke softly to me, in words that I would never understand; but he held me close, rubbing his lips back and forth across my hair as his arms gently massaged my back. I truly was a disgusting human being. I wasn’t even sure who or what I was crying over anymore. Mattie, what had I done? Was it over? Did it even matter? I had broke his heart, that was for sure; I didn’t deserve him. Evgeni, even less did he deserve this. An innocent bystander in the destruction that was my life, someone that hurt - but hurt no one.

And here I was, crying over things that I had caused myself; crying over one boy, in front of another boy. Suddenly the thought of what I was doing hit me. I pulled back and looked up into Evgeni’s tender eyes; he was watching me suffocate myself over someone else.

We stared at each other for a minute, before he looked away. I couldn’t help but feel disappointed; even if I understood. He was disgusted with me now, so much trouble and pain wrapped up in one person. But I was wrong. His line of sight wasn’t in avoidance, it was focused on the door. His breathing began to increase as he unwrapped himself from my body and crossed his room to the door. I sat unmoving, afraid of going under; as I watched my lifesaver float away from me. He pulled open the door and looked out, waiting, watching. I felt my breathing increase as I began to shake; waiting for him to bolt, to run, to save himself from the certain destruction that came from spending too much time with me. He closed the door softly, and turned back to me; resting his back against the door as he watched me.

“Carlie, I sorry…” He began, and I had to close my eyes, nodding.

“It’s ok, I understand, you can’t do this.” I wasn’t even sure what this was… I just knew he needed to get away from me.

“Not do this…” My eyes flew open as his voice came back, closer than it should have been. His face was inches from mine, and I could feel his warm breath caress my face as he leaned closer. Cupping my face in his hands he gently pulled my lips to his; moving slowly at first. He dropped his hands, wrapping them around me as he laid down next to me. His tongue filled my mouth as he pressed his lips against me harder; his hands tracing my side as I rolled over into him.

We stayed like this, slowly, passionately feeling the pressure of each other as his breathing increased and so too did the force of his hands on my body. His hand ran down my side, coming to rest on my hip. A low moan escaped his throat as he grabbed my thigh hard, pulling my leg over his waist and pressing himself against me.I pulled my lips away from him, gasping for air. He stopped moving, looking back at me, fear and sadness on his face. “You no want…” I shook my head vigorously and grabbed his hair in my hands, shoving his face against me again. He slapped my thigh and roughly rolled himself on top of me. Grabbing the end of his shirt I started pulling it. He pushed himself up onto his knees; pulling it up and over his head, throwing it in the ground. I let out a moan as I stared at his body; oh mother of god…He smiled in response, licking his lips as he reached for my shirt. I sighed as I shimmed around, allowing him to pull it off. I reached out to touch him, sighing softly. I needed him; needed to touch him, taste him, feel him. I needed to know every part of his body until it took over every other part of me. I wanted him to make me forget my own name.

Suddenly I couldn’t lie still anymore as emotion and heat flooded threw my body. I pushed myself off the bed and flew into his arms; wrapping his dark hair in my hands as I shoved him against me. He responded with even more enthusiasm, flipping me onto my back, pulling my sweats off of and removing his dress pants; before falling down on top of me. His hands began to roam my body, as his lips left mine and filtered down towards my chest.Without a conscious thought, I gripped the sheets in my hands and arched my back towards him; revelling in the feeling of his hot, soft tongue as it headed further south. I knew where he was going, and I also knew we wouldn’t make it that far. I dug my fingers into the back of his head and used his hair to pull his face back up to mine. “No, now.”

“Now?” He asked, unsure of the meaning behind my words. My patients with the language barrier was at an all time low and I pushed him down, climbing on top; leaving no room for doubt as I pulled my hips into small fierce circles on top of him.

He let out a rough low growl as he gripped my hips tightly in his hands and pushed me down harder. My head rolled back as I felt him move against me. Fingers gripping into my sides he threw me down on the bed, grasping my boy-shorts in his hands and jerking them off; before removing his boxers.

His body fell down on top of mine again; his elbows digging into the bed as he moved himself forward. He sat on the edge for a minute, moving himself onto his hands and watching me as he began to push his way inside me. He entered all the way slowly, stopping once he was in completely, lowering his face towards mine and kissing me again.

We began leisurely, moving at a slow pace. I wrapped my limbs around him, pulling him closer and breathing him in. After only a few minutes I could feel my body clenching into orgasm; a moan escaping my throat as I gripped his lip in between my teeth and tried to propel him in faster. The reactions he was pulling from my body began to grow his excitement and he pushed me further onto his bed until I was straddled between his body and the wall. Another throaty moan left me as he began to increase his tempo. He thrusted in hard for the first time; simultaneously drawing a whimper from me and a loud bang from his bed. “Geno…” I whimpered, pushing myself away from the wall as his body slammed into mine again. “Oh god, your parents….” He shook his head and gripped me closer, pushing himself into me as hard and fast as possible. It took all my strength to keep from crying out; abandoning my attempt to keep the bed quiet as he reached deeper inside of me than I thought possible.

Continuously he propelled himself into me; earning a grunt of approval every time he completed a cycle. I was positive that the headboard was through the wall but I didn’t care; any attempt to be quite was over as soon as we climaxed together.

I gripped him tighter as our tempo wound down. Unable to keep the smile off my face as he pulled out and rested his head on my chest. His sigh of contentment matched my own as we lied there. I traced my fingers around his head, listening as his breathing became even and I knew he was sleeping. I bent forward and planted a kiss on his head, following him into sleep.

When I woke up it was dark outside, I was still naked but I was wrapped tightly in a thick blanket. I glanced around the room; realizing for the first time that I was alone. I sat up and looked around, swinging my legs over the bed and walking towards the door. I peered out and saw a mute light coming for a door. I was terrified that I was going to run into his parents but I shuffled out anyway; staying as quiet as possible as I made my way toward the light. I peered around the corner and smiled when I saw Evgeni, sitting shirtless in front of the computer screen. I cleared my throat and moved into the room. He turned and smiled at me, holding out an arm. I shuffled towards it and he pulled me down into his lap. “What are you doing?” I asked kissing his lips gently.

He let out a sigh and pulled me head against his chest. “I… try to show…” I felt him shake his head unable to find the words. I glanced over at the screen, all in Russian; nonsense to me, in front of which sat a Russian/English dictionary. “I find… music for you?” He said nuzzling his face into my hair. “Show words I no know…” I smiled up at him as he leaned forward, clicking on the screen.Music poured out of the speakers softly. As I listened intently, curled up in his lap, I felt my heart swell into the empty expanses of my chest, filling with the depth of emotion I was only beginning to feel:

The batter swings and the summer fliesAs I look into my angel's eyesA song plays on while the moon is hiding over meSomething comes over me

I guess we're big and I guess we're smallIf you think about it man you know we got it allCause we're all we got on this bouncing ballAnd I love you freeI love you freely

Here's a riddle for youFind the AnswerThere's a reason for the worldYou and I...

I'm with the other three. What an awesome protrayal of how quickly life moves. I mean one minute Mattie's her whole world. And now.. Mattie's being an ass and calling her a whore. (umm I'm sorry but at least she knew who Geno was!) And Geno's playing her that song... Sigh.