Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Moving Office

Now that I'm moving office, I really want to work! Really! The review went over well. Well enough that I've been offered a choice of a couple of other books. Both by big names. One a translation (which would give me a chance to review some Latin-y stuff) and one that I actually know stuff about, since it's exactly the beginning of my period (kinda) and in German -- which would also be good for me. Plus I wouldn't feel so out of my depth. I have chosen not to commit till things are a bit more stable and I am making headway on the K'zoo paper.

But I now ask you ... what does your backlog of copies of the AHR and Speculum look like? How long does one keep moving them from place to place? And can I tell you how glad I am that Early Medieval Europe is both my favourite journal and small enough to carry around in my bag?

Sunday, June 26, 2005

Exiting from Stasis

I have, I believe, finished the bloody review. I don't know how it is, and I'm going to print it out and look at it again tomorrow morning before I send it, but it's done. I realize that for most of y'all this is no biggie. And if you're new, catch up! I've been in a state akin to that deep-space stasis we've all read about/seen in sf movies. Or maybe a marriage-induced coma. So you know what? I think it's really over. It may not be the best writing I've ever done. But it's done, and I think I can move on now. Give me a couple weeks, and friend Phlebas may start nagging about a little something called a paper abstract ... !

Yes, Phlebas revealed himself to me via e-mail. I was not so surprised. Phlebas and Mrs. Phlebas I have known since I was a mere undergrad and they were two of the grad student friends and mentors who kept me sane and on the path of righteous medieval grad student endeavor, as well as letting me in on the grad student Friday fun. I realized I've known them for almost 20 years now, and am reminded of just how fortunate I am overall. How friggin' cool is that?

Saturday, June 25, 2005

Quick Update

Thanks, everyone, for, well, everything!

Just so you all know:

Dog is OK, at least for now. Still at the nice janitor's, and he's making noises like he wants to keep her permanently. I will be sad to see her go, but kind of relieved, too, because it will/would be hard to find a place I can afford where I can keep an 80 lb. dog.

Class website is kind of up -- there are some wonky links, but it seems OK. Now I just need to do some prep of my own, but that's doable.

Book review may get turned in unproofed, as I do not plan on infringing too much on the good will of my internet colleagues. But it will be turned in Monday. Full Stop.

Move did go reasonably well -- still picking up mail and bits and pieces in dribs and drabs. Cats are settling in.

Thursday, June 23, 2005

Bloggus Interruptus

Tuesday we had some of the worst thunderstorms ever. AXADH left the dog, who is noisophobic (yeah, there's probably a real name for it) outside, because she has been a bit destructive lately. He called me to tell me that there was thunder forecast, and asked me to do something, because of course, it was easier for me to leave the office 40 miles away and take care of the dog than for him to drive 20 minutes and tranquilize her in advance. I said he'd have to take care of it and left it. I should have known better. He 'couldn't' get away, and the poor dog was out in it. She ripped the door frames off all three outer doors, trying to get in, and also took out the screen door and the cat flap. AXADH refuses to keep her any longer. I am madly trying to find the dog a home, and am torn with guilt because I never wanted a dog, but she has been with us/me for 18 months, and she's an adult, and really a very neat dog. But I also have to consider the fact that I may not be able to afford a place where I can keep her, nor can I make research plans as easily if I do. But the rescue won't take her and I don't want her put down. Now waiting for a call from the Humane Society, who won't euthanize without letting me know. I have a temporary solution -- one of the janitors will care for her till the end of July, if I need him to, but I don't know if shunting the dog from pillar to post is a good option, because I just don't know a lot about dogs.

Oh -- I have an online class that starts Monday. And the website isn't built yet. And it's Web CT -- all new technology for me. [holding head and screaming]

And I have to finish the bloody review, which got pushed to the side a bit for the latest crises

Other than that, the move went pretty well. Still have a bunch of stuff at the old place, but mostly bits and pieces. Best part -- when I asked AXADH to leave a box marked "research notes" near the front of the lockup, and he said, "oh, like you'll use those!" Really best part -- when helping me move made him almost late for a date. Yes, ADM is now in the resentful phase. Cats are settling in nicely. New roommate is off elsewhere, and I think we'll get on reasonably well till I know about the final job situation. The last two FT jobs (one TT, one a one-year replacement) review applications beginning Monday. I hope the TT one moves quickly, because it's a semester institution, and the job would start in August. Maybe they would be willing to start in Spring? Like I've even got an interview yet. But despite its location (very rural BFN), it sounds like a place I'd like a lot and do well at, as long as there is adequate support to get to conferences, etc.

So if you don't see me much ... you know why!

And Phlebas ... figuring out who you are is taking up brain power better spent elsewhere! Only you can solve this particular problem!

Monday, June 20, 2005

Need a Reference

Is anyone out there familiar with literature on the importance of ritual and performance of political ceremony? I'm looking for a couple of basic things that I know are out there, but I have brain fry at the moment. Here's what I'm doing -- writing a review. Book's author asserts that modern historians underestimate the importance of ceremony (for examply, a noble prostrating himself before the emperor as part of officially making peace in order to both show his submission and to place the emperor in the position of almost having to grant clementia). Without totally blowing my pseudonymity, the book is on one of the early-ish non-Carolingian and non-Byzantine emperors. I can see that the author might be totally correct in terms of the historiography of the area in question, but I could swear there's stuff out there for Carolingian Francia (especially in the West) and for the Capetians, at least. Heaven knows I've been teaching that this is the case in the Early MA for ages ... (I'm thinking of the chrenecruda, Rollo the Gangler doing homage to Charles the simple (actually, any homage ceremony) ... oh hell -- is this in something easy, like Ganshof ...? ) Which book (now that I've upended my coffee all over my lap, chair, and floor and just missed my computer looking for it) is clearly at home. Damn.

to clarify: I did not mean to imply that the chrenecruda was Carolingian. Just Frankish. And I have no idea if it appears elsewhere. And honestly, I'm pretty sure I don't get the nuances of that particular ritual myself.

Friday, June 17, 2005

Moving Day minus one

Tomorrow I lose my home internet connection, because I'm moving. Blogging won't be suspended for long, as I'll be in the office working a lot, I hope. But if y'all don't hear from me after tomorrow morning, at least for a couple of days, you know why. Probably a good thing. As sure as I am about all of this, it's still not so easy.

Desperately seeking help!

Does anybody need a quick procrastination project? I've got to get this application out the door and could use a quick read-over of my writing sample. It's about 15 pp. If you have a spare bit of time, I can e-mail it to you. I'd like to get it out the door by the evening mail (PST), and realize this is going above and beyond the call. I just keep thinking it's too repetitive, but I cannot for the life of me think of how to fix it at this point. Hell -- it's the conclusion to a diss --not written for publication. Alternatively, if I explain that, will the search committee understand?

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Like falling off a bicycle!

Haha! I get to blog, because I wrote for about an hour today! OK -- it's baby steps, and resulted only in about 250 useful words plus notes and and outline. And it's only a review. But, yeah. Amazingly, it was a work-avoidance thing. I really didn't feel like working oon the two job apps I really must send tomorrow. And I left my copy of my reading groupbook at home and so couldn't comment much today. So I found myself opening up word and writing, which was a bit odd, since I usually write in longhand to get started. I did a little of that last week, though, so maybe it stuck.

One of the things the reading group book talks about, though is the kind of paralysis that can set in, especially when one feels a failure. I realised today that this has happened before. When I was working on the diss, I spent almost three years barely touching it, too caught up in trying to be the perfect stepmother, the perfect wife who didn't complain about taking on a 40+ hour-a-week job to show she was an equal contributor, etc. When the deadline came up, and I had to crank the damend thing out or flush it, I just sat and cried, because I knew I couldn't do it. A good talk with my advisor and my doctor, who slapped me on Prozac so fast I couldn't see straight -- his wife was writing her diss at the same time, so I think he actually knew what I was talking about -- and I just sat down and got going. And I remembered how to do it. It was like that today. You just sit down and words come out. If they're crap, you do it again. But at the end, it's still words, innit?

I realize that this is probably silly for most of you, but it makes me feel a hell of a lot better. So there :-P And the review should be drafted and ready for a friendly collegial ass-kicking on Friday.

In other news, I am supposed to be moving on Saturday -- which means I should book a moving van and find a storage unit tomorrow. I doubt it will all get done, but I'll be sleeping in a new place with a very nice colleague who's offered her spare room for as long as I need it, but we think it'll only be about 6 weeks to maybe summer's end. Happy about that, although it's going to be weird not being in a place that isn't "mine." Still, no worries.

And now, because I really should finish up the job stuff, which, if I mail it tomorrow will still be way ahead of my normal last-minute schedule, I leave you with a cat picture:That is a not-as-good picture of my boy kitty, who will be coming with me.

Saturday, June 11, 2005

Friday, June 10, 2005

the good news ...

Is at least knowing I didn't make the cut so I can maybe get an apartment sooner and visit friends at the end of the summer. Makes the cool conference less likely, though. Rural State U will not be inviting me for a campus interview, although I'm not out of the running, but "should definitely pursue other positions." Place with the flight from hell is in the process of contacting what the HR person called "the Winner" and will be letting the non-winners (oh, just say it -- the LOSERS) by mail next week. I kind of liked the winner, thing, because sometimes it really does sound like a crap shoot. Weird, though -- people tell me I interview well, but I guess I don't fit in? And yet, thost's one of the qualities most praised in my peer evals. At the moment, I'm going through that, "I could actually do something else with my life" moments. Except that I don't think I can. Outside of bad student evals, is there anything that can make me feel even more like a failure at this point? Bugger. Bugger, bugger, bugger.

feeling productive -- ish

dozed a little during final exam (not my fault -- it's all down to AXADH and his dating habits)

got another draft of the paper from ex-student and ripped it to shreds. She did not take some important comments to heart during our three-hour meeting the other day. Sent it back with words of encouragement.

wrote approx. 4000 words of a report on a grant-funded workshop I helped facilitate

made plans to have drinks with a famous blogfriend tomorrow

probably commented too much on other blogs.

But all in all, I think I get to blog. I'm going to be moving in with a colleague soon, while I wait to find out what's going on with my career, etc. On TUesday, I e-mailed both places where I'm waiting to hear back after interviewing. I'm calling their HR departments tomorrow. Then two more jobs to apply for. I had to put off two students I really like, although they're more groupies these days (something I don't get. AXADH calls them acolytes, but I reserve that term for the majors). They brought me flowers earlier this quarter, and wanted to visit today, but I had too much to do. I shall take my newer, thinner body to the gym tomorrow. Otherwise, no blogging and only three comments (what, you think I'm crazy?) till I get something else substantial done. I must -- mark finals, finish the report, and read more of the bloody book. I want to be able to focus on writing and packing this weekend.

Again, begging for the crossed fingers for good news soon. If, by some miracle, I get a job in the next couple of weeks, I can try to do this conference, which I really would kill for in virtual sense. Or, as my Dean said, "look! it's a conference where you can meet the five other people in the world who work on your subject!" And be frightfully intimidated, too. I have met one of the presenters, though. And hell, I suppose it would be nice to talk to people (or at least listen to people) who really are working on stuff I work (if you can call it that -- will once again work, more like) on. Otherwise, I'm just going to hope for one of the later jobs. I remind myself that I have work lined up, and one of my future bosses has been fantastic in trying to help, but I get the feeling that the institution is hugely politicized and the faculty polarized. Thank goodness there are two late ads, too.

Sunday, June 05, 2005

Have I Made a Mistake?

Ok, I haven't written today and I am blogging. Not what I'd planned, but it's been a crap couple of days. And I did not know that my evening would be taken up with a pity (or self-pity?) visit from a 24-year old boy. The ex-putative son-in-law, if you must know. He will be moving in with AXADH when I move out. He came over to bring me moving boxes from work and then to keep me company because AXADH is out on another date. Yes, it's frigging weird. What I wanted to do was use the quiet time to work. Ha!

But that's not what concerns me. Got an e-mail today from one of the brightest students I've had. She took seven different courses from me in as many quarters. I did get her to take one History class from someone else, because I kept telling her she needed to get used to other people's styles and broaden her knowledge of different approaches. Her one shortcoming is that she can be a bit stubborn and a little closed-minded about following the instructions of a professor who seems uninteresting or less-than-competent. Last year I had to convince her that a critique she'd received on Humanities paper was valid, despite the fact that the English teacher was trying to teach history that was absolutely appaling both in content and in approach. So, don't criticize the colleague and focus on what really was a masterful editing job. That I could do.

By the way, I'm not the only person who thinks this student is hugely talented, bright, and promising, either. But she's gone off to Flagship U and got a 'D' on a term paper (the first one in her life). And she is now thinking she needs to change her major. Even worse, this may be for a medieval History class with someone I have met, but don't know, who is expert in something I really know little about. So my selfish concern is that I'm a crap teacher/advisor -- and that my colleagues will find me out. My main concern is that my student learns to trust in the expertise of her professors, even if she doesn't like their approach or think the assignments make sense. She needs to be able to go to a professor and tell them she doesn't get what they're looking for (although I'm not sure if it's the prof or a grad student who's done the marking) and ask for help. And she needs to learn that sometimes, it is a game, and you just have to play it. And I'm not sure why I never told her these things, except that she's so damned bright. And she'll be a really good historian (although I think she really wishes she could be a modern-day Procopius, but with footnotes!), if she sticks it out. But now I've offered to meet with her, and may have to tell her that she might just have to suck it up. I'll also do what I can to explain what she's supposed to do, but it's going to be awkward, because one of the things she's supposed to do, I think, is let me let her go and find a mentor at Flagship U. And I really care about this student, and want them to know how special she is. And I suppose that's one of the reasons I want to teach at a 4-year school. Because I can only be there for so long, and then they have to find new mentors who can help them move forward.

Student crisis update: OK. That was hard. It was the medieval class. And on a topic about which I know nothing. Time period not unfamiliar, if a bit earlier than my stuff, but geographically far different and almost all of the sources literary. None of these things makes it easy for me to help -- I kept saying, "you could have written on laws!" "you could have written on kinship and fostering?" But basically, I could see the problems in the paper, and some of the criticisms were very fair (although others I did have a hard time seeing within the page constraints of the assignment). And I was right, part of the problem is that the student was just not all that interested in the class. So we ripped apart the first draft, and the beginnings of the second draft that she brought with. I loaded it up with caveats on content knowledge and not knowing the TA, but student pointed out she couldn't really do much worse ;-) And I harped a lot on where she really needed to (and ways to) address the criticisms on the first draft. And she promised to go talk to the TA in person. And I promised to look at the next draft in time for her to turn in the final on Friday. I think it was a formative 'D' though -- the person who graded the paper said, "I know you can do much better." And apparently calls on student all the time. If the desired effect was for the student to kick it up a bit, it worked. On the other hand, that's a tactic that really can backfire, and I wonder what the TA would have said had the TA known that the D drove student to tears and almost into another major.

Update -- weird mentoring note So you know I'm packing, right? And that includes judicious jettisonning of junk. But I just found a card from my best friend's mom. "Saw Really Famous Anglo-Normanist at a funeral (they'd known each other from church for years). He asked about you. Said he'd sent his best student to Graduate U. Said to tell you that and to finish the diss." OK -- RFAN was no doubt being hyperbolic. But damn. It's made me think of the unbelievably wonderful mentors I've had in my academic career, from the really famous, to the grad students who nurtured me when I was an undergrad (and are still helping!), to the senior colleagues who have spent time with me at conferences and told me that I was one of the lions -- or should be. I feel humbled and obligated. I now must get a job and write. Not necessarily in that order. Thank you all. For everything.

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

Two Quick Questions

It is now well past the time that the last two places I interviewed said they'd be in touch. At what point can I call/e-mail them for an update? Or do I just keep hoping no news is good news (although who knows, maybe there will be rejections in the mail today ...)

I realized when I wrote the piece below that I am actually capable of writing stuff that relates to what I do. Duh. But none of you colleague types seem to be laughing at it. So does that mean I can actually write readable (if colloquial) English? If so, can I rediscover how to transfer these skills to actual academic writing? Because I think I just remembered that I like the process a lot. I didn't revise and clarify as much as I would have liked, but this blogging thing seems to be useful. Do you think so? not a quick question, but comments are invited...