Last night, my fellowship cancelled it’s normal large group session and decided to reserve Barton Hall for the evening (read: an airplane hanger transformed into a ginormous gym. It’s massive!) Whilst there was a tad of commotion amongst the other fellowships (‘Wow, you guys cancelled your large group just to play sports??”) I was thinking today while I was showering and getting ready for work — why not?

Somewhere in the midst of playing touch football — and being unashamedly proud that boyfriend is arguably fastest boy I know :) — and kickball and simply bumming around the 2095709314 square feet we had access to… seeing dozens of new faces from people who had invited their friends, housemates, classmates… striking up a conversation with the two students who were on shift that night about who we were and why we were there…. should that not be the focus of a fellowship aiming to seek kingdom come on this campus?

Last week in small group we studied the fact that Jesus had a ministry and a message in Mark 1– while the message was the crux and the ‘reason why He has come,’ without the ministry it would simply be a hands-off Christ in a world in need of healing…. how can that be? It’s good knowing we serve a God who does not simply care about our spiritual well-beings but is even deliberate with our physical, emotional, mental health :)

I just realized this may be my last white Christmas (for a long time). I know it shouldn’t matter that much anyway, but that is quite sad! Growing up in the midwest has gotten me used to white Christmases and building snow blobs (somehow the sophistication to make actual peoples never came….) and somehow a slightly chilly Christmas in Los Angeles doesn’t sound quite as appealing right now.

If I had my way, I’d live in the northern burbs and go to Trinity part-time while flying satellites during the day and go to Cubs games on weekends (woohoo playoffs!!!). I’ve spend significant amounts of time in LA, San Diego, San Jose, NYC, Baltimore & Orlando, yet nothing is quite like… Chicawgo :)

One day, I’d really love to see some campus-wide Asian-American forum addressing some of the struggles and burdens that second-gen AA’s face and the Truth that the Gospel brings to it. When I first became a Christian, one of the things that became most difficult for my soul to come to terms of was this idea of losing face, shaming the family, doing what my parents would not want to. When my struggle came to abandoning the faith or disobeying my parents the decision was easy enough because,… He is precious and Truth and Life. Yet when it comes to career and decisions and knowing that almost 2/3 of my AA fellowship consists of stressed out pre-meds or engineers, I really have little to say.

Time after time when speakers would expound on such passages — to honor thy parents, yet to listen to calling…. I would have this burning in my heart because I knew very tangibly these would clash in my life. ‘But what if my calling does not honor my parents? But what if my parents’ ideal for me is being a successful money-maker yet God does not want that… at all?’ Time and time again I would challenge such speakers and ask these questions — deep down hoping that they would have a cookie-cutter solution yet fearing that ultimately… I would have to struggle through it myself… man cannot tell me.

Almost five years later and it has not been any easier. Seeking the right path to go often feels like I’ve been groping around in the dark and yet here I am, deciding between career and ministry for the umpteenth time and I still do not know… What do I fear? Who do I serve? What is the way? What am I supposed to be doing?

….He is still Truth and walking closely to Him will lead my soul to joy. It is HIM we must seek and not a future.

Oh praise the One who paid my debt! And raised this life up from the dead….

This morning I woke up with a very, very sore neck, back, and arms — most likely the result of being on my feet and entertaining corporate guests for 12+ hours yesterday. I smiled, nodded, accepted resumes, called out fakers, smiled some more and… maybe accomplished very little.

Sometimes I wonder about the Romans and think, in an accomplishment driven society that they lived in when Christ was introduced to them… what did they think of these poor, often ratty disciples who called them to repentance? What did they think of John Mark, one of their own, who came returned with such an easy gospel to understand that calls us to repent and lay down our lives for a homeless man! What did they think when the royalty and lavishness and accomplishments they have built up in this earth meant nothing…. for a King who has come to ransom them all didn’t have a degree, much pedigree, nor a clean bloodline.

Sometimes I wonder how people see Jesus but then I wonder if they just see me and think this is what a life filled with grace (or, supposedly so) must be. A covet-er of busyness, pride, and ambition. Such is not a man, a Son that I follow…. I had this random thought last night before I drifted to sleep that I’ve lied to every single person I’ve ever met. What a wretched soul must be of mine =/