Monday, March 10, 2014

This Just In: BSNYC Cashing In Some Sick Days!

Hello!

Hope you had a good weekend. Mine was a bit of a "mixed bag." Saturday was an unseasonably warm day which I spent enjoying some family-style bicycling, and then Sunday I fell ill and underwent the violent alimentary process doctors refer to as "puking."

As you can imagine, going from this:

To this:

Was quite a jarring about-face.

I'm pleased to report I'm on the mend, but since my employer provides me with ∞ sick days I'm going to go ahead and take two (2) of them. This means I will return on Wednesday, March 12th with the top-notch Internet content to which you've become accustomed. (I don't mean to imply this is actually top-notch Internet content, only that you've become accustomed to my unique brand of sub-mediocrity over the years and thus your judgment is now grossly miscalibrated.)

In the meantime, thanks for bearing with me (or if you're not bearing with me then screw you too), and I look forward to returning bright-tailed and bushy-eyed on Wednesday.

"I often ride my bike to work and park it in my office and in the springtime, I ride my bike all over. People see me and take a second look and say, 'What are you doing without a helmet?' Bike helmets are too ugly. Not good. We need to create a new helmet."

That's just adorable the way that chick gingerly places her face in the toilet in an overly delicate and girly simulation of puking. Unless maybe there's a giant COCK in that toilet bowl. Either way I bet she scoured the bowl with Lysol for 30 minutes.

Sorry the weather is overneath you, Mr. Snob. April may be the cruelest month, but March can be pretty mean.

I'm glad the young lady located her wedding ring before she flushed. That's not a disembodied hand, incidentally. Rather, she's keeping her hair out of the weewee while she steels herself to retrieve it.

Here's a Pro Tip...hold it for them....you can actually get the "plunger action" going.

Pro Tip #2: If your babe gives you the type of BJ where you can access the vajayjay do not I repeat DO NOT immediately start playin with it. Wait about 4 or 5 minutes then start and it will prolong your knob slob.

I think I am the worlds worst, and possibly loudest puker. I always avoid it as long as possible because once I start I get involuntary muscle actions that keep the puke coming until I am hurling up acid.

But on a slightly less annoying topic, the test ride on the cantilevered brakes revealed: (1) the cable splitter for the rear was loose, creating slack (it kept unwinding itself); (2) I think the set up is optimized for firm feel, less power; AND (3) the diagrams posted by Anon days ago are a bit confusing, but I take it I need to lower the straddle cable towards the tire, reducing the angle between the straddle cable and the dotted line between the brake pad contact area to the straddle cable hook up point; BUT (4) my bike didn't come with any imaginary dotted lines.

1) Is scranus always a noun? Is it ever an adjective? "Nick Danger looked coldly at the scranus surface of the door, before carefully lifting the large, obsidian door knocker?"

2) The blog is called 'bikesnob nyc', but lately, he signs things as 'wildcat rock machine'...shoukld he rename the blog to avoid confusion? (or perhaps to increase confusion)...maybe the blog should be renamed with one of bab's pet names for him..snobberdoodle nyc?

Youz guyz ever do Accidental Anal when its missionary juicy and your both drunk and slips out and yiu go back in too low and she moans but goes with it andyou finish up and she is mad as fuck the next morning sittin in the Waffle House with a sore ass? Me neither. Jennifer.

Hey jackass I was mad because I was reaching in my nightstand for my dildo about the time you lost your squirt. You passed out and I finished up solo. Then used it on you. You kept mumblin "Grampa you are crushin my cigarettes..... "

Get well soon Mr Snob and enjoy some rest and TV.You probably caught something from one of your seventeen children. I picked up a virus from one of my (2 not 17) kids recently and the damn thing ended up lasting for 3 whole weeks!

I've had some technical difficulties this week, too, snobberdoodledooders. I wish I could say I speak geek, but I am only fluent in dork. All I tried to do was add little bits of HTML code to the page... sigh.

Plus my cameras all automatically upload everything to two different cloud servers, only they now skip straight across my little C drive, so blogger can't access them.

Sigh. Plus it's well past re-install o'clock.

Still. You know I can't help but babble on, so here's a song to fill the gap

Sigh. You see what I mean about being a mutard, though, don't you? I'm STILL waiting on the girls. This goes waaaaay beyond being a late bloomer. All of the other girls in my family got em big time, all 'cept for me, that is.

I hate, loath vomiting. I'll wish you better health s.t.a.t! I dig that you posted a stock photo of what appears to be a bulimic ( I'm not being sexist, males can also be bulimic) purging over the loo[why didn't the stock photographer lift the seat up?]! Someone please Photoshop it to have bile dripping from their hand/fingers! Bulimics are just failed anorexics... *** This is coming from a former anorexic{40KG}, I knew well enough to never vomit, it wrecks your metabolism & teeth,skin faster than a Fred at whoo-hoo speed!

* You have to dig it all out before hand! [pun intended!] Then follow through with cleaning it out with water and gentle natural soap(e.g. 100% vegetable glycerin; Whole Foods Market sells their own brand 365 everyday value French Milled) Never use enemas, they ruin your PH balance in your rectum,you don't want to fuck that up! Plus enemas create a disruptions in your bowel movements, if they were healthy before- get ready for constipation or leaky bowels ! Enjoy anal!** two hole herstory

Mosquito bites never sag! I rather have AB cups through C cups nothing bigger! I have a smaller bosom compared to my glutæus maximus,I think bosoms are over rated! Though something that isn't over rated is XXL Cock! XXXL Cock is where it's at, though only Bunnkey's, no one else would otherwise do... two hole herstory

A pearl necklace is the last thing Bunnkey gave me on the morning of October 13,2011 in PDX. Off with their volatile fixie as I rode to the MAX station via the bus. No more I love yous ... two hole herstory

When I was about 20 I got out of a bad relationship and went out with an older woman(29). We were in my Z-28 with the T-tops out drinkin the beers and smokin the Wed on the 1st date and she says..."I work, go to school, and have 2 kids. I don't have time for the drama so I will show you whats in store if you like me."

She pulled out a sea-shell scrunchie and put her hair in a pont-tail and well.........

If one opened in Toronto, there would be no "Ka-Ching" in the cash register if Rob Ford found out about the place. That human vacuum cleaner would suck the buffet as empty as Snob's intestines are today.

So I did the damned infernal Strava yesterday on a pretty popular 15ish mile loop and loaded it up for public scrutiny. I looked at the results......21.7 mph avg.I knew I was pushin' but dang. Then I saw it said my top speed was 53 mph. WTF?

I have never used clicky-clicky pedals and only briefly used toe clips, and that is because I'm not in a race or pretending to be in a race, and therefore the slight speed advantage thus obtained is most certainly not worth sacrificing easy stop/start (on short rides) or the integrity of my joints (on long rides) or the ability to walk properly (off the biek) or the extra cost, or the extra time/hassle of giving a shit about one more species of consumer product. In short they are dumb, for my purposes. So yep that's the end of that topic for me. Carry on. Oral or anal sex.

Roille,You beat me to it. I tried SPDs, but they were a nuisance in the city and gave me hotfoot on long rides. With platforms I can wear normal shoes and put my feet where I like. Maybe I need some of those new crabon feet. I think I read that they give good support for either oral or anal sex.

On the pedals topic - I usually ride the clickity types - either SPD for commuting or Look for more Fredly rides. I have been experimenting with good old platforms recently, and I do like them better for the start stop of city traffic, especially in the sketchy conditions of late. Like a good Fred, I will probably get lured back into the clickity pedals once Spring finally sproings.

Clipless on Ti Baby. All the way. I'm still waiting for Jimmy Choo to make a proper shoe for me - with a cleat embedded.

I rode without cleats for a lotta years, but it's like riding a horse. The pedal (or the stirrup) is always under the ball of your feet. It only gets just a teeeeeny bit complicated with platform heels...

LOOK on my road bike. Missionary on my wife. SPD on my MTB. Oral on my Secretary (she loves pearl necklaces) Platforms on my commuter and almost exclusively doggystyle on my girlfriend with an open door policy on a top hole finale.

I think HTML may stand for Hold The Meat Loaf, Here's To My Ladies, Hot Leaded Magpie Legs, Hellish Tuesday Mystery Lesson, or perhaps Hounding The Money Launderers. One thing I do know, HTML is not a sexually transmitted dizass.

I hate to interrupt the anal/oral sex debate and the relative merits of calling Ralph and Huey vs "Buick", but it was 78 Murican degrees today so I went for the full Fred after work. It's amazing how much winter gut one can hide under a jacket, but Jersey Don't Lie. Resume oral and anal as you prefer, individually, together, or as a group.

what kind of pedals you use is the MacGuffin..a meaningless trope that runs through the narrative, about which we ostensibly speak until we digress to earthier subjects (much like bikesnobs daily post)

that said, I agree with bama phred that there's no hiding in a jersey...my early season rides in lycra are met by cries of 'Michelin Man' by my neighbors...but what really burns my ass is babs complaining about winter..the poor baby has to ride a lesser line of campy wheels to avoid salt damage to her golden prizes...it's galling that some canuck (Frenchwoman of the north if you will) is riding 30+ miles anytime she has a few spare hours while down in the Hudson Valley (America's river) we're iced in.

While Bunkey was still inside of me, he carried me off the bed to the floor so we could each stand up & he could ram his ten+XXL cock further up my rectum. We stayed in that stance for twenty minutes,when they pulled out & shot me a pearl necklace. We fucked in the early hours before my flight left & again after my cat-nap with the "I love you dream" to make me pine for him forever. I will remember the I love dream I had that early morning, the last times burns a void into my psyche.

The children had the years first Youth Triathlon Practice yesterday. I only saw one Inverted Christmas Fork in among 30 odd bikes. Not bad dad....not bad. There was an abnormal amount of the hot MILF moving around. As I sat on my tailgate a petite blonde with the biggest rack I have ever seen on a woman that small tries to glide by and say something funny/cool AND DROPS ALL OF HER KIDS STUFF INCLUDING THE $2000 BIKE. I got down and helped her gather it up. She said, "What do you see wrong with this picture?" I said, "I don't see nothin' wrong with it."

About Me

While I love cycling and embrace it in all its forms, I'm also extremely critical. So I present to you my venting for your amusement and betterment. No offense meant to the critiqued. Always keep riding!