BONKING BILL

"But after discreet inquiries about an allegedly crooked and diminutive
presidential member, Robert Bennett, Clinton's $300-an-hour lawyer,
responded recently with one of the more memorable quotes in the history
of high-level litigation."

IN THE most inglorious episode of his presidency, Bill Clinton yesterday
suffered the indignity of being quizzed about his sex life under the gaze
of a woman who accuses him of soliciting sexual favours.

Affairs of state - including a showdown with Iraq - had to wait as the
American president submitted to a humiliating obligation to testify in the
case of Paula Jones, who accuses him of dropping his trousers to ask for
sex in a hotel room in Little Rock, Arkansas, seven years ago.

Avoiding an army of journalists from around the world, Clinton slipped from
the White House in his limousine to be deposited in an underground garage
at his lawyer's office. There, in the presence of a federal judge, he took
an oath to tell the whole truth before being exhaustively grilled about
alleged sexual exploits in his former role as Arkansas governor.

Jones, wearing a cream-coloured suit, arrived with her husband a few
minutes earlier, hoping to watch the naturally red-cheeked president squirm
as he fielded questions in an X-rated deposition that carries all the
weight of testimony given before a court.

The historic event was captured on a video tape which will be used as
evidence in a trial that is scheduled for May. However, aides said that
Clinton, who had appealed in vain to the Supreme Court to postpone the
proceedings until after he left office, is still hoping that the case will
be dismissed.

A writer of farce could not have concocted a more unlikely role for the
president. But Americans were not laughing: the unedifying spectacle of the
commander-in-chief of the world's most powerful nation being interrogated
in such a sordid case has degraded the gravitas of the executive office to
such an extent that it may never recover.

Although Clinton has given evidence as a witness in the so-called
Whitewater affair, his testimony yesterday secured him an unwanted place in
history as the first president ever to be interviewed under oath as a
defendant in a court case.

Compounding the farce is the possibility that Paula Corbin Jones vs William
Jefferson Clinton - expected to be heard in a court in Little Rock, capital
of Clinton's home state, - will result in the president having to remove
his trousers to prove his accuser wrong.

Jones has maintained that "distinguishing characteristics" she noted in
Clinton's genital area prove she is telling the truth. But after discreet
inquiries about an allegedly crooked and diminutive presidential member,
Robert Bennett, Clinton's $300-an-hour lawyer, responded recently with one
of the more memorable quotes in the history of high-level litigation. "In
terms of size, shape, direction, whatever the devious mind wants to
concoct, the president is a normal man," he said. "There are no blemishes,
there are no moles, there are no growths."

The Jones team has yet to demand an independent medical examination. Just
as troubling a prospect for Clinton, however, are the other women believed
to have testified to Jones's lawyers recently about unwanted sexual
advances from Clinton when he was governor of Arkansas.

According to one source with intimate knowledge of the case, a woman has
told the Jones team that she was frequently smuggled into the governor's
mansion disguised in a trench coat and cap for sexual liaisons. Four state
troopers who protected the governor also say they procured women for him
over the years. One said he had set up the meeting with Jones.

Clinton has said he has "no recollection" of ever having met Jones, but
acknowledges that he "may very well have met her in the past". Bennett has
been less circumspect, dismissing Jones's story as "titillating allegations
which really are just tabloid trash".

It is all unspeakably embarrassing for the president's wife. Hillary, who
was herself grilled last week in another investigation into her allegedly
improper use of FBI files against Republican foes, has been photographed
recently hugging her husband in a carefully calibrated signal that she
intends to stand by her man, as she did when he miraculously negotiated
reports of a long-running affair with Gennifer Flowers just as he was
running for president.

Few had thought it would come to yesterday's testimony by Clinton. When
Jones's allegations were first publicised three years ago, presidential
aides were swift to dismiss her as "white trash" and as a devious
muckraker. Stung by such insults, she withdrew from a settlement under
which the president would have paid her $700,000, albeit without the
apology she demanded.

Since then she has revamped her image. Gone are the braces that once
clamped her front teeth. She has smoothed the frizzy mane of curls and for
her big day in court acquired clothing more reminiscent of the boardroom
than the secretarial pool.

"I had been aware of all the horrible things the White House was saying
about her," said Susan Carpenter McMillan, her spokeswoman. "She is not
white trash. She is not a big-haired floozy."

Yet Jones has dropped a claim that her character was defamed, apparently to
avoid acute embarrassment in court where the president's lawyers, after
thorough research, had planned to show that she had a colourful sexual
history before her alleged encounter with Clinton. It is common knowledge
to those who have followed the affair - and to the readers of Penthouse
magazine - that she posed naked for a photographer boyfriend when she was
19.

It is the exploration of other aspects of her private life that has begun
to raise questions. Mysteriously, she has become the target of an audit by
the Internal Revenue Service (IRS) which in turn - in keeping with the
farcical nature of the affair - has become the subject of an investigation
by the Treasury Department over claims that the taxman has been used as a
political weapon against Clinton's enemies.

As these side battles rage, the chances of a settlement are fast receding.
Under rules set by a judge, the evidence-gathering period known as
"discovery" which must conclude by the end of this month, has so far,
according to Clinton's lawyers, failed to produce evidence that might
prompt the president to pursue a new settlement and find the $2m needed
(Jones has apparently upped her demands) to make her go away.

Clinton may be calculating that the most humiliating allegations that could
emerge in a trial - those concerning his penis - are already public
knowledge and that his best chance of salvaging some dignity is to win
vindication in court, where Jones may have a tough time winning, even if
she is telling the truth.

It is a gamble. More than any of the welter of scandals plaguing his
presidency, the outcome of the Jones saga could determine his place in
history: whether he is remembered for balancing the budget or simply as
"bonking Bill".