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Friday, July 20, 2007

OddBob Wraps up Harry Potter Week (as only OddBob can)

Editor's Note: Midnight tonight!!! (I think I need a nap.....)

The Top 13 Guesses at the Last Line of "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows" (Part II)

"Not tonight, Ginny -- I'm watching the Quidditch match."

"And lo, Harry's spirit passed forth from the realm of hardcover releases, and into a series of ghost-written paperbacks unto eternity."

"Holding Voldemort's severed head high in the air, Dudley sneered at Harry's sniveling form in the corner, and exclaimed, 'No more fat jokes, cousin.'"

"I'd like you to meet my new associate, Nearly Headless Hermione."

"Hermione, on the other hand, decided to give up the whole wizard shtick and become a dancer at a gentleman's club called The Caldron in Hogsmeade."

"Okay, Ron, now it's time for a little Paycheckium Cashicus!!"

"It was the same as the last six closing remarks that I'd heard from Dumbledore: 'If you tell your parents, I swear to God, I'll kill you in your sleep,'"

"Hermione pressed her heaving bosom against Harry and the two stepped over Ron's smoking remains, mounted his broom and flew off with hopes of a new life in a land where screaming orgasms wouldn't incinerate everything in a 50-foot radius."

"Harry trudged down the lane, devastated at the news that he was the only one who'd have to repeat 7th year."

"So, in the end, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named was undone by the love that dare not speak its name."

"Harry put a quarter in the juke box on the diner table and flipped through the song list, finally settling on Journey's 'Don't Stop Believing.'"

"Hey, this Bott's Bean tastes like cyani--"

and the Number 1 Guesses at the Last Line of "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows"...

"And then Harry woke up from his dream to find himself still on the scaffold, with the angry citizens of Salem Village clamoring for his death."

Editor's Note: OddBob items brought to you as a public service by the "ANYTHINGJKRWRITESISBOUNDTOBEBETTER" Association.

Thursday, July 19, 2007

ONE MORE DAY (well, almost two) TO GO

Editor's Note: Not that we're counting. (Cause we're not really BREATHING now, and that is required for counting!)ummm...yeah....OOOOOOKKKKKKAAAAAAY.....

All of these items were sent to me by my two most stalwart dweebpals: PlanoKevin, and OddBob. (Who even sent in stuff that isn't insane. Well, I THINK it was OddBob.....not sure now....)

FYI....I am not even reading this first article. I don't even want to know what spoilers I'm NOT reading.

Harry Potter Spoilers Proliferate (ET)By HILLEL ITALIE

NEW YORK (AP) - In the final days before the world learns whether Harry Potter lives or dies, spoilers - or those pretending to spoil - are spreading on the Internet.

On Tuesday, digital images of what may be the entire text of "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows," including 36 chapters and a seven-page epilogue, were circulating among Web users. The book was apparently photographed as it lay on a carpet speckled with green and red, a hand at the bottom holding down the pages.

A separate link, , also displayed a seven-page epilogue and a 36-chapter table of contents from "Deathly Hallows," coming out July 21 under ultra-tight security.http://www.zendurl.com/h/hallows

Meanwhile, a resident of Vancouver, British Columbia, has said that he downloaded hundreds of pages from the 784-page book and U.S. publisher Scholastic, Inc., has been busy ordering would-be spoilers to remove their information from the Internet.

"I'm guessing we're in the double digits," says Scholastic spokeswoman Kyle Good, who added that requiring material to be pulled down did not mean it was authentic.

"There's so much out there that it's confusing for fans. Our lawyers are trying to keep down the amount of spoiler traffic that's out there and clear it from places where fans might be reading."

Anxious about keeping a lock on publishing's ultimate mystery, Scholastic has refused all along to say whether a spoiler has the real book or not. According to Good, there is more than one version of the full Potter text on the Internet. She said the different versions all "looked convincing" and all had different content from each other.

Leaked copies of other highly anticipated works have appeared online in recent years, from O.J. Simpson's canceled tale of murder, "If I Did It," to "Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith," which could be downloaded before the film's release with the help of a file-sharing program, BitTorrent, an apparent source of the full Potter book.Author J.K. Rowling, who has said two major characters will die, has begged the public not to give away the ending to her seventh and final Potter book. Fan sites such as and have vowed to keep spoilers away.http://www.the-leaky-cauldron.org/http://www.mugglenet.com

"A lot or our tips about spoilers are coming from fans," Good says. "There's a groundswell from fans who find these links and send them to us, saying, 'I'm not going to look at this, but somebody told me about it.'"

"I just hope they find these people and punish them accordingly," said Leaky Cauldron Web master Melissa Anelli. "This is exceedingly wrong and mean-spirited. Let people enjoy their book, for Pete's sake."

"There is a lot of material on the Internet that claims to come from 'Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows,' but anyone can post anything on the Internet and you can't believe everything you see online," Good says.

"We all have our theories on how the series will end, but the only way we'll know for sure is to read the book ourselves at 12:01 a.m. on July 21."

Harry Potter and the OTHER Dark ArtsI thought I'd bought a ticket to see Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix.

So why, sitting there with my popcorn and my blue Icee, did I get the feeling I'd walked into some allegory about the Bush administration?

The resemblance between the White House and the Ministry of Magic of this film was unsettling --- from star chamber-type inquiries to a takeover of Hogwarts School, where the Ministry's senior undersecretary becomes the new Defense Against the Dark Arts instructor. She teaches strictly to the test and the text, and as for the tests themselves, the OWLS exams -- well, let's just call them the No Wizard Left Behind tests.

The Harry Potter books have been sliced and diced six ways from Christmas, and the online speculation about J.K. Rowling's politics runs from the libertarian to the totalitarian.

Whatever Rowling's politics, her job description for this Dark Arts teacher here could have gotten Dick Cheney hired for the post. Once the Dark Arts instructor is promoted to Hogwarts headmistress, she posts so many ''thou shalt not'' ukases that she runs out of wall space. She despises disloyalty, and to ferret it out, she enlists spies -- so much for loyalty. She inflicts corporal punishment that wouldn't pass muster with the Geneva Convention, and tries to use an illegal curse to squeeze Harry Potter for information.

This character's name? Dolores Umbridge -- a name that conveys ''sorrows'' and ''anger.'' With the last Potter book landing in stores this week, she'll probably be out looking for work. I know just the administration that might have a spot for her for her ... Editor's Note: This would be funny, if it weren't so very very sadly true.....Row in Israel Over Potter Sabbath LaunchJERUSALEM (AP) - The figure responsible for Israel's latest religious row is a bespectacled British teenager who is gifted with magical powers, world famous and entirely fictional.

The synchronized worldwide launch of "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows," the seventh and last installment in the wildly popular series, falls at 2:01 a.m. local time this Saturday - on the Jewish Sabbath, when Israeli law requires most businesses to close.

With Israelis already clamoring for "Deathly Hallows," many bookstores are planning to launch the book at the appointed hour. That has drawn fire from Orthodox Jewish lawmakers, including Industry and Trade Minister Eli Yishai, who threatened to fine any store that opens Saturday.

"Israeli law forbids businesses to force their employees to work on the Sabbath, and that applies in this case as well. The minister will fine and prosecute any businesses which violate the law," said Roei Lachmanovich, a spokesman for Yishai, of the ultra-0rthodox Jewish Shas party.

Avraham Ravitz of the United Torah Judaism Party slammed the Potter books for their "defective messages."

"We don't have to be dragged like monkeys after the world with this subculture, and certainly not while violating our holy Sabbath," Ravitz said in a statement. Editor's Note: 'dragged like monkeys'? I sure hope that is just a bad translation of what he said. Cause otherwise, we now have to worry about all those scuffed up monkeys!

Steimatzky, Israel's biggest bookstore chain, is holding a gala event in Tel Aviv beginning Friday night to launch the book, and the company has no plans to change the time, said spokeswoman Alona Zamir.

"We're required by our agreement with the book's publisher to launch the book at the same time as everywhere else in the world," Zamir said. Editor's Note: And we now know who is more powerful....God or a book publisher.

The chain has already received tens of thousands of advance orders for "Deathly Hallows" in English, with the book's Hebrew translation due out close to the end of 2007, she said.

Worldwide, the Potter books have sold more than 325 million copies, have been translated into at least 64 languages, and have been spun off into a hit movie series.

The book's author, J.K. Rowling, has indicated that two characters die in the new book, leading to speculation that one of them might be Harry himself.

Harry Potter literary mash-upsEver wonder what the world of Hogwarts would be like as rendered by famous authors both dead and alive? Wonder no more. ZACH DUNDAS bringsyou J.K. Rowling's last chapter as interpreted by the likes ofHemingway, Zadie Smith and others.

But frankly, plot aside, we already know how Rowling writes: like she's never met a tree she didn't want to kill in the name of an800-page tome. Editor's Note: He says this like it's a BAD thing. Sometimes More is GOOOOOOD.....

The Potter frenzy got us thinking-how would other writers handle theend of this cash-spinning franchise? What if Hemingway went to Hogwarts? What if iconic feminist author bell hooks or hip, equally British butmuch less rich novelist Zadie Smith had to deal with pubescent wizards?Where would hardboiled king Raymond Chandler take the story?

And what if -- gulp -- ye olde Associated Press wire of yore had to "cover" the endof Harry Potter from the front lines?

We'll never really know. But consider these five literary mash-ups ourloving tribute to Harry and the gang ... or at least all the characters Rowling lets live by the end of this last book.

HEMINGWAY VS. HARRY POTTERIt was dim and cool in Hogwarts. The walls were gray and the pictures could talk. At the top of the Astronomy Tower, Harry lay in a bed.Through the window he could see a hill and a road with pebbles andboulders that looked wet and he could also see the Death Eaters marchingup to the castle in black robes. His arm hurt some. His leg hurt also. He had only one eye after Snape attacked him with the Cruciatus Curse.He sweated and he grunted.

"They are coming," Hermoine said. She sat at the side of the bed and was crying but she was very beautiful.

"Yes," Harry said.

The Quidditch season would begin soon and the Seekers would practice with the Snitches on the muddy fields and come back to the dressing rooms tired but know it was a good day. The Quaffles would be brown or red or black or something, he could not remember and neither couldanyone else.

Harry knew he would not play Quidditch again. Ron was dead. Fleur was dead but beautiful. McGonagall was dead also. Neville was dead but no one could remember his significance except nine-year-olds who could explain it exactly.

"What will happen to us?" Hermoine asked. She wept and she was beautiful as Harry looked at her with his one eye. "I do not know," Harry said. "I do not know." His scar hurt and theywaited.

BELL HOOKS VS. HARRY POTTERAngelina Johnson strode back and forth in front of the class. Who was Angelina Johnson? The strong sister pushed out to the margins, her voice expropriated by the magical white folks who dominated the Harry Potter narrative, an overarching construct of systemic institutionalized sexism and racism.

Sure, black folks like Angelina Johnson were good enough toplay Quidditch-bread and circuses.

Today it was going to be different,because today was Angelina Johnson's first day as Hogwarts' instructor in Magical Women's and Ethnicities Studies.

"Today," she said. "We're going to talk about the term 'dark magic,'"she began. The class sat up. "What do white folks mean when they say 'dark magic'? "And we're going to talk about the whole Voldemort thing.Is he for real, or is the Dark Lord just a diversionary ploy that creates a passive emotional backdrop for a vision of the Magical Universe that is fundamentally conservative and in no way in oppositionto the beliefs and values of white Muggle culture?"

In the back of the class, Harry looked at Ron. Now what had theygotten into?

ZADIE SMITH VS. HARRY POTTEREarly in the morning, late in the century, Diagon Alley. At 0627 hours on January 1, Ron Weasley pointed his own wand at his face, hoping the judgment would not be too heavy upon him. He was resigned to it. He wasprepared for it.

Ron Weasley attempted suicide because of Harry Potter. Why did "theBoy Who Lived" always get the glory?

But just as Weasley was about to perform the Avada Kedavra curse onhimself, a flock of urban vermin swooped in on Parvati Patel's Subcontinental Shoppe for the International Wizard.

Parvati rushed out, wand in hand, and dispatched six of the Mugglish pigeons with a single Aguamenti blast. "Six!" Parvati shouted. Then she noticed Weasley lyingin the gutter.

"No one zaps himself with the Killing Curse on my property!" she shouted. "We are not licensed. You hear me? No suicides around here, my friend."

Ron had a kind of epiphany. Life had said Yes to Ron Weasley, in the form of a character that a lesser author might have used as mere multicultural window-dressing. From now on, he would be the Boy WhoLived.

THE ASSOCIATED PRESS TELETYPE VS. HARRY POTTER HOGSMEADE, U.K. (AP) _ Tom Riddle, the embattled wizard commonly known as Voldemort, was killed Tuesday in an incident involving student HarryPotter at the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry near here.

A spokesman for the Ministry of Magic said the incident took place during the school's annual graduation ceremony. The official, who spokeon condition of anonymity because the matter was still under investigation, said Potter, 18, was critically injured.

Witnesses described the use of a number of high-powered curses, or spells, during the incident.

Wizards have magical powers. Authorities did not give further details.

Riddle and Potter were linked through a number of conflicts in recent years. Riddle allegedly killed Potter's parents.

RAYMOND CHANDLER VS. HARRY POTTERPotter was neat, clean, shaved and sober, and he didn't care who knew it. He was calling on five million gold galleons.

The sleek, tall butler who opened the door looked as proud as an auror's prize-winning hippogriff on a Sunday afternoon. He let Potter into a hall that would have fit a flotilla of well-fed basilisks. A dame sat in a chair at the far end and didn't get up.

"Good day to you, too, Ms. Granger," Potter said as he sat down. "Lovely household you have here. Seems like a nice place to have bad habits in."

"I didn't hire you for wisecracks at my expense," she said in a voice as cold as the Defense Against Dark Arts dungeon.

"That's okay. They come free of charge."

She sniffed. "Well, Potter -- I suppose you found what you werelooking for."

"What you were looking for, Ms. Granger," Potter said as he produced a slim manila envelope. "I was just your full-time errand boy for 25 galleons a day plus expenses."

Granger opened the envelope, taking care to hide the magical moving photograph inside from Potter. Nuts to her -- he'd had a good look: Ms. Granger and a half-giant named Rubeus Hagrid, both wearing slightly less than Adam and Eve.Editor's Note: ewwwwww.

She shuddered. "I suppose that's an end to this beastly affair. Now get out."

"That's a swell way to talk," Potter said. "You may have the money around here, Ms. Granger, but if not for me you'd be looking at that picture on the cover of the Daily Prophet. Your old pal Weasley didn't like the idea of handing it over. He needed a little persuasion. I learned that in charm school."

"I hate you," she said, closing her eyes. "Get out."

Potter got up and put on his hat. He guessed the butler would have his money. He'd get on his broom, fly home, have a butterbeer and like it.

Zach Dundas is a writer based in Portland, Ore.

The Top 15 Guesses at the Last Line of "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows" (Part I)

"Lord Voldemort was vanquished, but the wacky adventures of Anakin Potter had just begun!"

"And then Harry joined hands with J.K. Rowling, and they set off, dragging the huge crate of money behind them, laughing all the way to the bank."

"It was many, many years and a good many adventures later that Harry, as he was known in bygone days, greeted the small man who answered the round door with a hearty 'It is good to see you again, my friend Baggins!'"

"Lord Voldemort, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship."

"So it's off to Wizard College for Harry and his friends, where Ron reduces his brain to a grey, quivery pudding in his first semester after hollowing out his Quidditch broom to make the most magickal, mind-blowing bong on record."

"You know, Hermione, you should wear more sweaters."

"And then Harry awoke, still in his small bed under the stairs at 4 Privet Drive, and turning to Suzanne Pleshette, said, 'Man, that was one long, freaky nightmare -- I dreamed I was a wizard.'"

"Oh, Auntie Petunia, there's no place like Hogwarts!"

"As the three friends turned away, the last of the trains pulled out of Paddington Station with its cargo of doomed muggles."

"But before Hermione could console him over his rookie failure, Harry cried out, 'Cialis Erecto Viagralum!'"

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

All Harry/All the TIME!

Editor's Note: A great article about American HP book 'reader' Jim Dale. (And we get to see him in PERSON next week!!)

The Voice of Harry Potter Can Keep a SecretBy MOTOKO RICH

Jim Dale is either one of the luckiest men in America or one of the most tortured.

A little less than two months ago, Mr. Dale, the veteran Broadway actor turned voice of Harry Potter, finished recording the audio version of “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows,” the seventh and final installment in the colossally successful series by J. K. Rowling.

So that means that he knows how it ends.

His grandchildren, who visited from England after he completed the recording, literally twisted his arms trying to get him to divulge a clue. His wife is still in the dark. Everywhere he goes, people want to know What He Knows.

“It’s a surprise ending,” he said on Friday, during an interview in his Park Avenue co-op. “Let’s say that.” Editor's note: ARRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHH.

Gee, thanks.

It is not quite four days until Harry Potter’s legions of fans can procure a copy of “Deathly Hallows” — in hardcover, CD or cassette — and find out for themselves exactly who does what to whom. Mr. Dale signed a confidentiality agreement so that he will not breathe a word of the plot.

But after spending eight years creating more than 200 voices for all the characters in the “Harry Potter” books, Mr. Dale really believes that readers — and listeners — should discover the end for themselves.

“For those people who say, ‘C’mon, Jim, how does it end?,’ it’s like parents who say: ‘There’s a surprise gift for you in the next room. It’s a bicycle,’ ” said Mr. Dale, whose apartment could easily make a Hogwarts professor feel at home with its eclectic collections of Victorian cake decorations, pewter plates and Persian swords. “Let the child find out for himself by opening this gift.”

Mr. Dale, 71, was born in central England and has had a long and storied career as a stand-up comedian, a pop singer and an actor in everything from the British “Carry On” series of films and Shakespeare at the National Theater in London to Broadway productions of “Joe Egg” and “Barnum,” for which he won a Tony Award.

Serendipity landed Mr. Dale the part of reading “Harry Potter.”

Back in 1999, Listening Library, then an independent company, acquired the United States audiobook rights to “Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone,” the first book in the series, for just $15,000. Timothy Ditlow, the son of the company’s founders, was at a dinner party with a group of avid theatergoers who recommended Mr. Dale. (In Britain the audiobooks are produced by Bloomsbury, and Stephen Fry, the actor, author and comedian, reads them.) Editor's Note: I would LOVE to hear a little of the Stephen Fry versions. Hard to imagine anyone doing it as well as Jim Dale...who is INCREDIBLE....but I hear Fry is excellent too.

Mr. Ditlow recalled Mr. Dale’s performance in “Barnum” and a few other Broadway shows. Although Mr. Dale had recorded only one audiobook, which was never released, Mr. Ditlow offered him the job. “I think it’s just one of those combination factors of luck and just going by your gut,” Mr. Ditlow said.

Since he first went into the recording studio in the summer of 1999, Mr. Dale has recorded every single word of the “Harry Potter” series, amounting to 117 hours and 4 minutes of reading time across the seven books — or a lot of long car rides. Including sales of CDs, cassettes and digital downloads, the audiobooks have sold more than 5.7 million copies, according to the Random House Audio Publishing Group, which now owns Listening Library.

For his work on the “Harry Potter” series, Mr. Dale has won a Grammy Award and holds the record for creating the most voices in an audiobook in the Guinness Book of World Records.

“Deathly Hallows,” which runs to 784 pages in the ink-and-paper version, took about two and a half weeks, working six-and-a-half-hour days, recording about 18 to 20 pages an hour, to finish. As with the other books, Mr. Dale received the manuscript only two or three days before he was scheduled to begin recording.

“That makes it impossible for me to actually read it before recording it,” said Mr. Dale, who does not possess the 13-year-old megafan’s ability to inhale the book in a weekend.

So he read about 100 pages ahead, and noted all the different voices he needed for the first few days of recording. The benefit of reading in chunks, Mr. Dale said, is that: “I don’t ever know how the book is going to end so I can’t unconsciously lead you in the direction that the book is going. I don’t know who the villain is because I am just reading 100 pages at a time.”

By now the publisher has digital files of all the voices he has used for long-running characters like Hermione Granger, one of Harry’s sidekicks, as well as more minor recurring characters like the Death Eaters, so that Mr. Dale can recreate those voices for the latest book. He takes into account the aging of the main characters, who started out as 10 and 11 in “Sorcerer’s Stone” and are now 17 and 18 in “Deathly Hallows.”

For new characters Mr. Dale uses an old-fashioned cassette recorder and tapes one or two sentences in the new voice and notes the place in the text. Then, when he shows up in the studio and starts to read, he will go to his tape recorder, rewind until he finds the right voice, and play it back to refresh his memory before recording the text. To create the range of voices, he calls on his knowledge of dozens of accents from across the British Isles and imitates the voices of friends and relatives.

For Peeves, the poltergeist, he used the voice of an old comedian friend. For Prof. Minerva McGonagall, Mr. Dale chose the voice of an aunt on his wife’s side, who, perhaps fortunately, did not live to hear herself commemorated that way.

As with the earlier books, Ms. Rowling (whom Mr. Dale said he has met twice) sent along a list of new words and character names and their corresponding pronunciations. Whenever he stumbled on a word not on the author’s list, Mr. Dale would record it in context in several ways to account for every possible pronunciation.

The producers are sticklers for absolute fidelity to the text. “If she says ‘someone laughs, ha, ha, ha,’ and I do four ‘ha’s,’ I am stopped and told, ‘Just do three,’ ” Mr. Dale said.

This Friday night, in the run-up to the release of “Deathly Hallows” at 12:01 a.m. on Saturday, Mr. Dale will appear at the Barnes & Noble in Union Square in Manhattan, where he will invite children onto the stage to do impressions of his voices. After the book is released, he will do a tour of Houston, Washington, Philadelphia and Charlotte, N.C. Editor's Note: HOUSTON!!!! Woohoo!!!!

Since attracting a fan base for his “Harry Potter” readings, Mr. Dale has been recording other children’s classics, like “A Christmas Carol,” “Peter Pan” and “Around the World in 80 Days.”

“So if we can encourage the children who follow Jim Dale to listen to other books he records,” Mr. Dale said, “then we are really encouraging them to read or listen to other books that they may never find on their own.”

This fall fans will also be able to hear Mr. Dale’s voice as the narrator of “Pushing Daisies,” a new television series from Barry Sonnenfeld, the director of “Men in Black.”

But it is his role as the aural embodiment of Harry Potter that has brought Mr. Dale a chance at the kind of immortality that many performers crave.

“We have been part of history — big, big history,” Mr. Dale said. “It’s like the people who were connected with Lewis Carroll or the people connected with J. M. Barrie when ‘Peter Pan’ came up. It has been marvelous. Now my voice can be heard in hundreds of years’ time. We all need to leave something behind, and I am leaving behind a legacy of the ‘Harry Potter’ audiobooks.”

The studio says the casting sessions in London will be held for the roles of Lavender Brown and Tom Riddle. Aspiring actors between the ages of 15 and 18 are required for Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince, the sixth book in the series.

Brown is the girl who ends up dating Harry's best friend, Ron. The studio says Lavender is a "pretty and lively girl who loves to be the centre of attention" and "reacts in an extreme way to everything."

Tom Riddle is a darker character described as "not a warm boy, but he is very charismatic. Both staff and children are probably all a little scared of him."

Auditions for Lavender Brown take place July 1 and for Tom Riddle, on July 8 at the Earl's Court Exhibition Centre. Editor's Note: yeah....I'm playing catch up. I guess we all missed the auditions?

This is not the first time the studio has sought non-professional child actors. A similar open call landed Evanna Lynch her first film role — as Luna Lovegood in Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, which hits theatres in July.

Then 14, the Dublin-based Lynch captured the attention of the casting director over 15,000 other hopefuls.

Lynch, who is now 16, has described herself as a rabid fan of the wizard-in-training books by J.K. Rowling.

"Watching the movies, I always thought it would be so cool to be in Harry Potter and to make that your job," Lynch told the Basingstoke Gazette in England.

"I wanted to go for Luna. I'm not one to sit around and wait for fate to do things so I got my friends and made a tape. They played Harry and Ron — they were very good about it, very patient — and I sent that away."WHAT WILL HAPPEN?Brace yourselves, Harry Potter fans. No matter how desperate you are for Harry to live, some experts in classic literature and mythology say that finishing off the young wizard would make sense -- in a literary kind of way.

What will happen to Harry at the end of "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows"? Only J.K. Rowling knows.

J.K. Rowling has never shied from darkness in her phenomenally successful series -- it started with the murder of Harry's parents, continued through his discovery that an evil wizard was trying to destroy him, and has included pain and torture and the deaths of major characters.She's already promised two deaths in the seventh and final book, "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows," coming out July 21, and has refused to commit to Harry surviving. But she couldn't kill Harry off, could she? She wouldn't do that, would she?

"If you look at the tradition of the epic hero ... there is this sort of pattern that the hero delivers people to the promised land but does not see it himself," said Lana Whited, professor of English at Ferrum College in Ferrum, Virginia, pointing out examples from King Arthur to Moses to Frodo.

Greek mythology has plenty of examples, like Hercules, who was killed at the height of his strength, said Mary Lefkowitz, a retired classics professor who taught at Wellesley College in Massachusetts.

"There's no long promise of happiness," she said. "You may have brief moments of glory and then the darkness comes."

And don't be fooled into thinking a happy ending is automatic just because the main characters are young, said Anne Collins Smith, assistant professor of philosophy and classical studies at Stephen F. Austin State University in Nacogdoches, Texas.

"Just because it's children's literature doesn't mean it can't have very dark events in it," she said.

Others aren't convinced, saying that Rowling's story about Harry and his adventures is less influenced by classical mythology than it is by other storytelling traditions.

Philip Ray, an associate professor of English at Connecticut College, said Rowling was part of a tradition of British writers like Edith Nesbit, writing stories where children are the focus and have grand adventures.

Since Harry is about to finish his years at Hogwarts, Ray said, "I think it would be very unusual for a book like this to kill off the main character at a time when he's about to graduate from school."

The books are about Harry's development into a young man, Ray said.

"For Rowling to have put Harry Potter through all seven volumes just to kill him off, the point of all development would be wasted," Ray said. "Death strikes me as being the strangest ending of all." Editor's Note: Not that I want him to die, but IF he were to die, his efforts would not have been in vain. Other characters (and the readers) will have learned and gained much by his trajectory.

And even though the series has a dark aspect to it, Rowling hasn't set it up in such a way that Harry paying the ultimate price would make sense, said Tim Morris, who teaches English at the University of Texas at Arlington.

"I don't get the sense that J.K. Rowling has set us up for that kind of sacrifice," he said. "The first six books haven't given a sense of that tragedy to me. It's generally hopeful."

Whited acknowledges that reader outrage would be high if Harry died, and that it might seem cruel to younger readers, who aren't familiar with classic literary story arcs.

"I'm sure J.K. Rowling would get some howlers if Harry Potter did not survive," she said.But even if he lives, don't be surprised if it's a hard-fought victory, she said. Another aspect of the classic hero myth is that even if he wins, it's not without some loss.

"There are always sacrifices, compromises along the way," she said. "If Harry doesn't die, one of his friends will." Editor's Note: No no no no NO!!!!

Oldman Offers Harry Potter Nude Advice

Editor's Note: Is it just me, or does this kinda read like Oldman was sitting around naked, giving advice to teen boys?

HOLLYWOOD - Gary Oldman helped coax Harry Potter star Daniel Radcliffe through his nude scenes in London play Equus after the teenager came to him for advice. The young actor admits he was extremely nervous about baring all onstage and felt sure Oldman's experience could help him.

He tells men's magazine Details, "I was nervous and I was a little bit worried... I talked to Gary Oldman about it, because we get on very well and I know he's been naked onstage. "I said to him, 'What's it like?' and he said, 'On the first night you'll be terrified and on the second night you'll be terrified, and after that you won't care.' "And that's absolutely true. When you've done it twice, it doesn't matter anymore." Radcliffe reveals he was so committed to the play and remembering his lines he didn't have to worry about getting an erection onstage during sex scenes with costar Joanna Christie.

He adds, "It's the least arousing process... Jo's beautiful, but after you've gone through it a hundred times with an audience there... To be honest, when you get naked in front of 900 people, quite the opposite happens."

The twisted economics of Harry PotterThe boy wizard brings both profit and pain to his business partnersBy Diane Brady, Kerry Capell, and Joshua VittorUpdated: 1:55 p.m. CT June 22, 2007Call it the curse of Hogwarts. It turns out that — at least for some in the wizarding world — it's tough to make money out of magic. Harry Potter has fans clamoring in excitement as the seventh and last book in J.K. Rowling's hit series, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, lands worldwide on July 21. With the fifth movie and the recent announcement of an Orlando theme-park attraction that could cost half a billion dollars, Pottermania is at an all-time high.But what should be a pot of gold for Harry's business partners is turning into an empty cauldron for many of them. The most successful literary brand in recent history has made its author a billionaire, but others have not fared so well. Retailers, spellbound by the chance to reach millions of Potter-obsessed customers, are cost-cutting for market share to the point where many stand to lose money. For book publishers, the tsunami distorts results in Potter release years, creating wild share-price swings and a distraction from other parts of the business. Even Warner Bros. Entertainment Inc., which has made billions off the Harry Potter movies, saw sales and profits drop last year and in the first quarter without a fresh Potter offering in the mix. For booksellers, the source of the pain is mammoth retailers like Amazon.com, Wal-Mart, and Britain's ASDA chain, which have slashed prices by 50% to woo fans. "It's like being in the trenches with the bullets flying over you," says Sonia Benster, owner of The Children's Bookshop in Huddersfield, England. Editor's Note: I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that people who have actually been in a shooting situation would find this a bit overstated? Amazon.com CEO Jeff Bezos concedes that the company won't make a profit from the new Potter book. But he told shareholders that it has racked up more than 1 million pre-orders so far — and, Amazon hopes, plenty of new customers who will buy other books. Because of such struggles for a piece of the Potter pie, notes Simon Fox of Britain's HMV Group PLC, owner of the Waterstone's book chain, it's "hard to make money."

Independent booksellers can't even begin to compete on that scale. While many plan to fight back with special midnight parties — in the belief that it's no fun to wear a wizard hat in Wal-Mart — others are just opting out of the frenzy. "I won't be open at midnight," says Bonnie Stuppin of San Francisco's Alexander Book Co. Instead, she'll personally drop off copies to a few customers at no extra cost between midnight and 6 a.m. "It's sad that what little profit the industry can make off Harry Potter is being stripped away," says Stuppin. "If I ran my business that way, I wouldn't be here."Some booksellers who helped launch Potter in America, hosting signings with Rowling when she was starting out, are disillusioned. "In the beginning it was great for us, but the discount has become more important," says Valerie Lewis of Hicklebee's in San Jose, Calif. To Peter Glassman, owner of Manhattan's Books of Wonder, selling Potter below cost is "analogous to downloading music and the impact that has on music stores." Potter's two publishers, which have sold more than 350 million copies worldwide, face a different set of perils. Scholastic Corp., which has U.S. rights, will never speak ill of the boy wizard whose last book accounted for 8% of revenues and an estimated one-third of profits in the fiscal year that ended in May, 2006. It's planning a record 12 million print run this time. But analyst Drew Crum of Stifel, Nicolaus & Co. says the children's book division often does better in off-Potter periods. "The company tends to lose focus in a Harry Potter release year," says Crum. "They extend so much energy on one title," he adds, and not enough on fixing things like the company's flailing direct-to-home book business. Although there has been the usual pre-Potter run-up in the stock, Scholastic's share price is below where it was five years ago. With the Harry franchise about to end, Scholastic is focusing on share buybacks, international expansion, and repairing weaker parts of the business. And the company says backlist editions of Potter could generate tens of millions in sales each year.Few face as gaping a hole with Harry's exit as its original publisher, Bloomsbury, which holds all rights to the titles outside the U.S. Last year, while the world waited as Rowling said she was working away on Book 7 in Scottish cafés instead of her multiple homes, the publisher's profits collapsed by three-quarters, to $10.3 million, as revenues fell almost a third, to $148.6 million. Spooked at the prospect of a one-trick pony, investors have sent Bloomsbury's share price down about 40% in the last year — even as a guaranteed hit is about to reach store shelves. Now with Britain's biggest bookmaker taking bets that Harry will get killed off in the last installment, the possibility looms that the figurehead of this brand won't even be "alive" soon. That could be a real drag for General Electric Co.'s Universal Parks & Resorts, which beat out rival Walt Disney Co. to build "The Wizarding World of Harry Potter" with Warner Bros. in its Orlando Park by late 2009. Editor's Note: Surely, with the investment being made in this theme park, JKR gave them SOME sort of assurances about how 'alive' the franchise would be?doncha think?????

While it won't disclose the size of the investment, International Theme Park Services consultant Dennis Speigel predicts they could easily spend $500 million to get it right. The specter of a dead Harry could dampen some of the fun. But Universal Parks Chairman and CEO Tom William says the 20-acre attraction is "going to be a game-changer" and pledges to do "the biggest and best job on this as on any job we've ever taken." (MSNBC.com is a joint venture of Microsoft and NBC Universal, which is a GE company.)

In any case, it's easy to understand why the Potter brand is so seductive. Warner Bros. pumped out some disappointments last year, such as the thriller Lady in the Water, helping push movie revenues down by 17%. But Potter brings the magic all back. The company has made billions off the franchise and stands to make billions more as it rolls out movies and DVDs in the coming years.

Unlike bookstores, movie theaters don't slash admission prices when a new Potter film comes out. That said, the $974 million worldwide box office gross for the first Harry Potter movie (Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone) stands at 9% more than the $895 million gross for the most recent film in 2005, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. And that's amid rising ticket prices.

Even if Harry Potter leaves a trail of profit-starved vendors and Potter-addicted producers in its wake as the series wraps up next month, the infatuation is unlikely to die. That's what Emerson Spartz, founder of the popular fan site MuggleNet.com, is betting on.

Spartz, a University of Notre Dame sophomore who launched the site in 1999 at the age of 12, gets more than 1 million hits a day. He's now pulling in "a six-figure income" from ads and his best-seller, MuggleNet.com's What Will Happen in Harry Potter 7. He hopes to mimic the fan base that's grown around The Lord of the Rings and has no plans to close down the site.

"There will always be people who get into Harry Potter fresh and want to meet other new Harry Potter fans," says Spartz. Editor's Note: Time will tell...

Rowling reveals Harry Potter ending ... to husband

Reuters Photo: File picture shows author J.K. Rowling and her husband Neil Murray (L) arriving at theDominion cinema for the Edinburgh International Film Festival UK premiere of the film 'Snow Cake' in Edinburgh, Scotland, August 15, 2006

LONDON (Reuters) - J.K. Rowling has leaked the ending of the eagerly awaited last book of her Harry Potter series -- to her husband. Speculation has been rife about who dies in "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows" since Rowling announced last year that at least two characters would be killed off. She has given no clue as to who they were, and even Daniel Radcliffe, the actor who plays boy wizard Harry in the Hollywood adaptations of the books, has been kept in the dark ahead of the publication of the seventh installment on July 21.

"None of us get a preview," Radcliffe told a news conference on Friday to promote "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix," the fifth in the film franchise.

"I think only J.K. Rowling's husband has recently found out what happens. I don't think anybody else knows." The 17-year-old has previously said he hoped Potter would die at the end of the final book, but he was more cautious this time around.

"A couple of years ago I said I would like Harry to die because I think that is a conclusive ending. But I'm going to steer away from that now because the next day the headlines were 'Radcliffe Wants Harry Dead'," he said.

"I do think it would be fitting in a way, because when you consider the prophecy that was made about him and Voldemort, one of them has to go. I think he might, but that's based on absolutely nothing."

In the latest movie, Harry discovers he and his evil nemesis Voldemort cannot both survive, raising the possibility that one, or both of them could die in the end.

ICE CREAM VANPublishers have gone to great lengths to protect the contents of the last Harry Potter book until its release, which promises to be one of the biggest events in publishing history.

More than 325 million copies of the first six books have been sold, and the four movies released to date have amassed around $3.5 billion (1.8 billion pounds) in worldwide ticket sales. "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix" hits cinemas in early July.

Earlier this week, a computer hacker posted what he said were key plot details that he gleaned by breaking into a computer at London-based Bloomsbury Publishing.

The publisher declined to comment on the claims.

Radcliffe said he was aware of the claim, but that he had not read the posting and would only read an original copy.

Emma Watson, who plays Harry's schoolmate Hermione Granger, said she hoped her character would survive.

"I'm sort of thinking that she's going to make it," she said. "I don't know why, but I think she's going to make it. I hope so."

She, Radcliffe and Rupert Grint, who plays Ron Weasley all said they hoped to continue acting once the Potter movie series was over, probably in 2010. But Grint said he had a backup plan if his career on screen and stage failed.

"Recently I got an ice cream van," he said. "If it doesn't work out I've still got the ice cream van."

Will knowing the ending keep 'Harry' fans from theaters?The seventh and last book comes out shortly after the fourth movie sequel. Warner says it's not worried.By Claudia EllerTimes Staff WriterJune 20, 2007Warner Bros., the studio behind the "Harry Potter" blockbusters, could find itself in an awkward position when author J.K. Rowling lets the black cat out of the bag next month about the ultimate fate of her characters.Ten days after the fifth installment, "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix," hits theaters July 11, the world will know what happens to the bespectacled boy wizard and the rest of his Hogwarts gang with the release of "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows," Rowling's seventh and final book in the series.Last year Rowling revealed in interviews that she would kill off two characters and that one character "got a reprieve," never acknowledging whether Harry is among them. Potter fans have been rigorously debating on websites whether the British author will dare terminate the beloved star of what has become the biggest-selling series in literary history.Warner doesn't expect any spoilers to hurt box-office sales of its upcoming film. Indeed, the flurry of publicity surrounding the release of a new movie and book could feed sales for both of them.But there are two "Harry Potter" sequels to go over the next three years. Could knowing how it all ends dissuade moviegoers from turning out to see them?Warner President Alan Horn said he wasn't worried."Whatever happens to Harry Potter, I would not anticipate it hurting the movie or future movies in any way," he said.Horn said that four months before the fourth film, "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire" was released in 2005, moviegoers had already learned in Rowling's sixth book that Albus Dumbledore -- headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry -- had died."And he was a beloved character," Horn said.Horn also noted that James Cameron's 1997 "Titanic" was a blockbuster even though it was well known that the luxury liner sank, killing most of its passengers. And, Horn said, fans of J.R.R. Tolkien's "Lord of the Rings" knew the ending of the trilogy but still turned out in force for the films."Harry Potter" has been a global juggernaut for the Burbank studio. Worldwide, the first four movies have grossed $3.5 billion and sold 167 million DVD and VHS units.Warner and parent Time Warner Inc. also amassed hundreds of millions more in profit from television, video game and merchandising sales, such as a Lego Hogwarts Castle that retails at $89.99. Three weeks ago, Warner struck a major licensing deal with Universal Orlando Resort for a $200 million-plus Harry Potter theme park attraction in Florida that is expected to open in late 2009.According to Rowling's U.S. publisher, Scholastic Inc., the books have sold 325 million copies in 200 countries in 65 languages. Of that total, 54.5 million were sold in the U.S. alone. The initial release of Rowling's upcoming book in the U.S. is 12 million copies -- the largest first printing in publishing history.Warner is laying plans for its final two films. Horn said that "Harry Potter" star Daniel Radcliffe, who started the series at 11 and turns 18 next month, is committed to continuing in his role.The sixth "Potter" is set to begin production in September for release in November 2008. The seventh film is scheduled for theaters in either the summer or the fall of 2010.Daun Taubin, Warner's domestic marketing president, said that though devoted Potter fans, including her 15-year-old daughter, are sad that Rowling's popular fantasy stories are coming to an end, they can take solace that there's life beyond the books."The movies allow the stories to live on," Taubin said. "So fans can relive the experience in a different way."Diane Nelson, who has overseen "Harry Potter" brand management at Warner for the last eight years, said fans have always known much of the story lines and which characters die before they've seen the screen version, and that hasn't lessened their enthusiasm for the movies.She contends that the books enhance the film franchise and Harry's popularity. A 2004 study that a Warner unit commissioned surveying 670 children found that 97% had seen at least one "Harry Potter" film."Fans get to enjoy the stories in their imaginations first and then they get to see them in the movie theater," Nelson said.In the past, Rowling has offed key characters, including Hufflepuff Quidditch captain Cedric Diggory and Sirius Black of the once-notable Wizard family. Many readers were upset about Dumbledore's death scene atop the Astronomy Tower, with some devotees still insisting that he may have faked his own death and will return in the final book.As for Harry himself, Rowling has not said whether he will survive.At MuggleNet, a website devoted to all things Harry Potter, more than 42,250 messages have been posted dissecting the final novel. More than 1,100 messages alone have been posted under the discussion titled "Will Harry die in Deathly Hallows?"The speculation tackles every possible scenario -- Harry dying, Harry coming back, Harry losing his powers, Harry marrying Ginny."If Harry dies, our window into Hogwarts & the magic world will close," wrote one 43-year-old fan under the name "lindaluna." But she added a theory: "I can see Harry as we know him not surviving."Horn said even he had no idea what the new book had in store for Harry but was confident that fans would like it."Jo Rowling is a brilliant writer," he said."Whatever she does with Harry Potter will be dramatically powerful."

Harry Potter artist Mary GrandPre makes magicBY JANIS CAMPBELLGANNETT NEWS SERVICECan you imagine being one of the very first people on the planet to read "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows," the final novel in the series by J.K. Rowling? Mary GrandPre, the illustrator for the American editions of the books, doesn't have to imagine, she is one of the lucky few. Reading the book is just part of her job. GrandPre, who lives in Sarasota, Fla., says she got the manuscript for Book 7 in January. That means she's known how the story ends for about six months. Is it hard to keep the secret? Do friends, family members or kids at bookstore signings press her for details?

"Not really so much," GrandPre says. "I think people just know that I can't talk about it." One question she gets a lot is: "Who's your favorite character?"

"Besides Harry, I would say Hagrid is my favorite character," GrandPre says. In fact, she has a dog named Chopper who reminds her of Hagrid and was her inspiration for the character.

Does she get a kick out of all the excitement created by the early release of the cover? "I think it's fun to see the reaction from people. The fans that are really diehard fans look very closely at the artwork," GrandPre says.

And they should. "I try to make everything have a meaning. There is a reason why something is in the illustration. I don't just put it in because it looks better. It really does have to have a meaning or part of the story has to support it."

Harry, Ron and Hermione have been a part of GrandPre's life for a long time — the first U.S. edition was published about 10 years ago. So how does she feel as the final book is about to be released? "Oh gosh, it's actually quite a big relief that it's done," she says.

Barnes & Noble Hosts the World's Largest Costume PartyMore Than 700 Barnes & Noble Stores Nationwide to Host Midnight Magic Costume Parties on July 20 to Celebrate the Publication of Harry Potter and the Deathly HallowsNEW YORK--(BUSINESS WIRE)--Barnes & Noble, Inc. (NYSE: BKS - News), the world's largest bookseller, today announced that more than 700 Barnes & Noble stores across the country will host "Midnight Magic Costume Parties" on Friday, July 20. Stores will remain open late and sell the seventh and final book in J.K. Rowling's Harry Potter series, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, at the stroke of midnight, when it officially goes on sale.

Barnes & Noble welcomes Harry Potter fans to come dressed as their favorite Harry Potter characters and enjoy a magical evening filled with enchanting activities, spellbinding prizes, photo opportunities, unique items for sale and the chance to be among the first to take Harry home. To find the Midnight Magic Costume Party near you, please visit www.bn.com/midnightmagic.Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows will sell for $20.99, 40 percent off the list price of $34.99. Barnes & Noble Members can buy the book for $18.89, a savings of 46 percent. The compact disc and audiocassettes for the unabridged book will also be available. Customers can order the book at any Barnes & Noble store or online at Barnes & Noble.com (www.bn.com). Join the excitement at the world's largest Harry Potter costume party and be one of the first to get your hands on the last book of this enormously popular series at Barnes & Noble's nationwide Midnight Magic Costume Parties.

Dumbledore's Army talk Harry Potter

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, which opens in cinemas in July, sees Harry's school friends taking a more central role in the battle against the evil Lord Voldemort. Calling itself Dumbledore's Army, the group meets in secret to learn how to battle the Dark Arts.Actors Bonnie Wright, 16, (Ginny Weasley), Matthew Lewis, 17, (Neville Longbottom), Katie Leung, 19, (Cho Chang) and newcomer Evanna Lynch, 15, (Luna Lovegood) are all members of the Army.

They talk to BBC News about being fans of the schoolboy wizard, and what it is like being part of the Potter phenomenon.

WERE YOU A FAN OF HARRY POTTER BEFORE YOU GOT THE PART?Bonnie: I am definitely as fanatical as many of the other fans out there. I really enjoy the books and I can't wait for the last one.

Evanna: When I was about eight I was stuck in a phase of reading Tintin books but my mum wanted me to read something else. She said "there is this great book called Harry Potter", but I said I didn't want to read about a boy with glasses - I just thought it sounded silly.Then she read me a chapter and I took it from her, because I loved it - and Tintin took the bottom shelf. Matthew: I've been acting since I was five, doing Heartbeat and that kind of thing, and when I got to the age of 11 I had already read the books - I was a massive fan.I heard they were making a film and I just wanted to be in it in some way. Even just as an extra, it would have been perfect. HOW DID YOU GET YOUR PART IN THE FILM?Bonnie: I heard they were auditioning, and I think it was more a case of "why not go for it?".I always really enjoyed being in school plays, and the teamwork involved, but when I went I suppose I never really thought I'd get the role. After I got it there was a moment when I thought "can I do this?". Evanna: I saw a poster advertising open auditions for Luna. Also I had sent tapes to the casting agent saying that I wanted to play her.When they told me I had it, I couldn't believe it... I was waiting for her to call back and say: "I was only joking!"I had to keep it quiet for a few days, but when I told my friends they were very, very excited.

Matthew: I took a day off school to go to the open audition in Leeds.I was in there about two minutes and read a paragraph from the book. About two or three months later they asked me to come down to London for a recall for Neville Longbottom.From getting to meet Chris Columbus [director of the first two films], to having a screen test, to actually getting the part happened in the space of about two or three days. To get that call was just great. I was jumping up and down on the sofa going crazy.

WHAT WAS YOUR HIGHLIGHT OF FILMING HARRY POTTER AND THE ORDER OF THE PHOENIX?Matthew: I love comedy, I love making people laugh - but what I really loved this year was tackling the emotional side of Neville.That was a big challenge for me because Neville has always been a light-hearted, humorous character and I have never had to do anything as deep and emotional as that before. Katie: Kissing Harry! I was so worried it was going to go wrong and that we would bang heads or something.I think it was more awkward beforehand knowing it was going to come up, but we had a chat beforehand and had a laugh, asking each other if we'd brushed our teeth.

WHAT HAS IT BEEN LIKE GROWING UP ON SCREEN?Bonnie: It has definitely made me more confident. When I was younger - I started when I was nine - I was very timid and shy. We have all grown up in it together and are really comfortable with each other.

Matthew: Some of us shave now! We come in and the make-up ladies say 'I'm sick of shaving you, will you just do it before you come in?'.Even if it's just a little bit of bum fluff they have to get rid of it.

HOW HAS HARRY POTTER CHANGED YOUR LIFE?Bonnie: Sometimes I get recognised and I don't think you can ever get used to that.It is always in places you don't expect. You can be on holiday and someone randomly comes up to you. It has made me aware of how big the audience is for Harry Potter.Matthew: The things I have experienced and the places I have been are just incredible.I have to spend a lot of time away from home, so I miss my friends a lot. I get quite homesick, but the pros just outweigh the cons.When I go to parties back home, my friends say "guess what, he's in Harry Potter" because it's a great good way of getting in with girls.It's a good way to start a conversation but I like to quickly get away from it. There's a little bit more to me than just Harry Potter. Katie: I had a lot of positive feedback, fan-mail and stuff. I don't get recognised very often, if anything I'm just more confident now. I used to be really shy so it's a really good thing.

Editor's Note: OddBob gets the last word (as ever....)

The Top 13 New Jobs in the Harry Potter Universe

Quidditch steroid tester

Big, Tall and Giant tailor

Dementor recruiter ("Kill all that you can kill")

Fan grief counselor

Erotic Snape charmer

Editor's Note: Wrong. Very very WRONG.

Death Eater nutritional counselor

Grand Imperial Wizard (South Hogwarts only)

Automatic SpellChecker

Director, Department of Warrant-less Owl-Tapping, Ministry of Magic

Hat Sharpener

Recruiter for alternative Montessori Wizard's School

Gillyweed dealer

and the Number 1 New Job in the Harry Potter Universe...

Muggle whisperer

The Top 10 Scenes Cut from "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix"

10> The revelation of what "really" happened between Prof. Umbridge and all of those handsome, virile centaurs.

9> Hogwarts bans all students from spell-sharing on their iWands.

8> Malfoy unfurls a banner declaring, "Bong Hits 4 Voldemort!"

7> Desperate to be a real part of the Weasley clan, Harry zaps his hair a horrifying shade of fire-engine red. Complete with fire engine.

6> Hermione shops for training bras in Diagon Alley with Hagrid.

5> Voldemort, incensed by the Death Eater's inability to secure an iPhone at launch, turns Steve Jobs into a newt. Yes, he gets better.

4> Hilarious episode where Ron absentmindedly scratches his scrotum with his wand and ends up having to borrow Hagrid's wheelbarrow.

3> Nosing about in Dumbledore's private Penseive stash, Harry pays an appalling price for his curiosity when he becomes trapped in an erotic scene involving Dolores Umbridge and a Blast-Ended Skrewt.

2> In his final scene, Dumbledore winks at the camera and says, "Hey kids, guess what! I die in the next one!"

and the Number 1 Scene Cut from "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix"...

1> Incident where Harry uses the "disappearus pantiesoffus" spell right before a performance of the Hogwart's female high kick cheerleading squad.

Editor's Note: NEXT newsletter, we all submit punishments to be inflicted upon OddBob for submitting some of the above! (Something to REALLY look forward to!)

By JAYMES SONGHILO, Hawaii (AP) - He may be 65, but Harrison Ford still fits into Indiana Jones' tight trousers.

Many fans are curious to see if, 18 years after "Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade," Ford can live up to the physical rigors of the globe-trotting archaeologist in the long-awaited fourth installment of the epic series. The actor's 65th birthday was Friday.

Producers of the adventure, currently being filmed on Hawaii's Big Island, say there's no need to worry. Ford is as fit as ever.

"I have to say, he looks amazing," said Kathleen Kennedy, the film's co-executive producer, along with George Lucas. "He looks fantastic in the outfit."

Actually, Ford knew the hat would still fit but wondered if he could still squeeze into the pants.

He did.

The action star, who first introduced the fedora-wearing, bullwhip-cracking Indiana Jones in the 1981 classic "Raiders of the Lost Ark," is actually doing many of his own stunts in the latest film.

"He's doing them, he just has a few more ice packs and a few more massages," Kennedy said."And a lot of Celebrex," producer Frank Marshall added. Editor's Note: Wow...an advertising placement and the movie isn't even in the CAN yet!

The movie just completed the first of three weeks of filming in Hawaii, after spending a week each in New Mexico and Connecticut. The lush areas surrounding Hilo are filling in as a South American rain forest.

Lucas and director Steven Spielberg have not released the title of the film, scheduled for release May 22, 2008. Editor's Note: Just for YOU, Odd Bob....(in celebration of YOUR birthday).

The filming has created a buzz on this normally sleepy island, known for macadamia nuts and premium Kona coffee. It's the most action since nearby Kilauea volcano rumbled to life in 1983.The film's biggest action sequences are being filmed in Hawaii. Marshall compared one scene to the thrilling, white-knuckled truck chase in the desert in "Raiders."

"It's that level," he said.

Hawaii will be featured in about 20 percent of the film. About half will be from sets in Los Angeles. The Aloha State was also the backdrop for portions of "Raiders of the Lost Ark."Ford, Lucas, Spielberg, Kennedy and Marshall all worked together on the first three films, so this latest is a homecoming of sorts.

"We're having a great time. It's so much fun being together," said Marshall, who has produced more than 50 films, including "Poltergeist,""Gremlins,""The Goonies,""The Color Purple,""Back to the Future" trilogy, "The Sixth Sense" and the "Bourne" trilogy. Editor's Note: I'm happy for you guys, truly. But the important thing will be will WE have a good time when we SEE the movie????

"Nobody's worried about their careers any more," he said.

The latest Indy adventure is set in the 1950s and, in addition to Ford, stars Shia LaBeouf, Cate Blanchett, Ray Winstone and Jim Broadbent. One popular character not in the lineup is Sean Connery, who played Indy's father.

"We would've loved to have Sean do a cameo-type part in this but he's very much enjoying retirement," Kennedy said. Editor's Note: The ole curmudgeonly COOT.

She promised movie fans, who have patiently waited since the 1989 "Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade," would get the same level of excitement as the previous three films. Editor's Note: Well TWO of the three...ahem.....

"The cleverness, the humor and the tone of Indiana Jones is very much alive and well in this movie," Kennedy said.

The producers are being very tightlipped about the movie, and the remote sets are well guarded, leading to rampant rumors on blogs and chat sites.

It took some time to get to the fourth film, partly because of the schedules of Spielberg, Lucas and Ford. Plus, they knew they had to deliver another hit.