Friday, February 22, 2008

Faux Me

My male coworkers have been teasing me lately. Wait, I take that back, I believe they started teasing me during my third or fourth week of work. Anywhoo, they keep bringing up the episode of Seinfeld where George resolves to do and say the exact opposite of his natural behavior or speaking inclination. He declares "Everything Opposite" his new religion. And his pathetic, downtrodden life completely turns around (for one episode).

The coworkers have decided that during the nearly three years they've known me, my lovelife has been sub-par and rife with disaster—all of which has been my fault. Now that I have a new man, they're telling me I need to keep my mouth shut when I want to speak, play hard to get when I want to come on strong, and maybe scoff at commitment instead of embracing it.

This raises more than a few questions.

I, like most girls, usually start out new relationships being my nicest, most detached, funniest, shiniest self. As the relationship progresses, my tendencies may slip into a slightly more polar position. I may demand a little more, be a little meaner, get a little needier and occasionally forgo shaving my pits.

So are my coworkers telling me I should skip the shower, be kinda bitchy, request more dates, not crack jokes, and maybe throw in a burp or fart for good measure right in the beginning? Or are they meaning that I should continue being nice, detached, funny and shiny forever (which in some respects would be the opposite of my later inclination—but IS my normal new-relationship behavior—making it a non-opposite approach).

Being that I don't even know what my true starting point looks like, I don't think I'll be able to accurately identify its opposite. And just because this concept worked for George, that doesn't mean it'll work for me.

By doing the opposite, they mean do the opposite of what you have previously done that HASN'T WORKED. Since showering and shaving the pits work, don't change. Since being needy and demanding commitment NEVER work, do the opposite. See, simple. Even for a dorky guy.