Mullet Over

BY JAMES K. WHITE | MAY 18, 2011

Be cautious when teasing sharks or alligators

There is some debate as to which animal on earth can deliver the most powerful bite. Some recent bite estimates: American alligator (3,000 lbs.), great white shark (4,000 lbs.), and African lion (1,200 lbs.). However, a cute extinct fish labeled the megalodon grew to 50 ft. and had a bite thought to be in the 40,000 pound range. In terms of bite pressure per area, the common rat is a contender with the capability to exert 7,000 pounds per square inch. In numerous instances, rats have chewed through electrical wiring and sheet metal.

Some clever folks at Cal Tech in partnership with Lawrence Berkeley National Laboratory have mixed some palladium, phosphorous, silicon (not to be confused with serious con), germanium and silver together and heated the alloy to 2,700 degrees Fahrenheit. The result has been a metal so strong that a cylindrical rod 3 inches long and 1/3 inch thick can support a weight of 10,000 pounds.

In 1789 George Washington met Washington Irving in New York City. The president was informed that the lad was named after him. President Washington reportedly patted the head of the six-year-old boy. Years later Irving passed the head pat on to his publisher. I mention the pat because a tradition of passing on the Washington head pat is alive today. The most recent recipient is a male (Daniel) in Los Angeles.

Exactly seven of the characters John Wayne portrayed died during the movies. Exactly seven is sort of eight because in 1931 Mr. Wayne portrayed a corpse (“The Deceiver”).

Several eyewitness accounts support the claim that on March 4, 1865 Andrew Johnson was quite inebriated as he took his oath of office and attempted to deliver his inaugural address. The Tennessee man tried to repeat the words of his oath, but he often repeated himself with slurred speech. After the oath was administered, Johnson began to deliver an incomprehensible oratory. A few minutes into the verbosity, a Supreme Court Justice mercifully led the new vice president to a vacant seat. Johnson later explained that he was under the influence of medicinal whiskey because he had malaria.

Historians claim that Genghis Khan (1162-1227) conquered and ruled over more land than any other man on earth. G.K. was sovereign over an estimated 4.8 million square miles. Alexander the Great ranked second by conquering about 2.1 million square miles.

Well, I urge you to be cautious when teasing sharks or alligators and do have a great week.

James White is a retired mathematics teacher who enjoys sharing fascinating trivia. He can be reached at jkwhite46@gmail.com.

Marriage humor

Wife: 'What are you doing?'
Husband: Nothing.
Wife: Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.'
Husband: 'I was looking for the expiration date.'

Wife : Do you want dinner?'
Husband: 'Sure! What are my choices?'
Wife: 'Yes or no.'

Stress Reliever
Girl: 'When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.'
Boy: 'It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles.'
Girl: 'Well, that's because we aren't married yet.'

Son: 'Mum, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.'
Mom: 'Well, you have done the right thing.'
Son: 'But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.'

A newly married man asked his wife, 'Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?'
'Honey,' the woman replied sweetly, 'I'd have married you, NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE!'

A wife asked her husband: 'What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?'
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: 'I like your sense of humor!'

Husbands are husbands
A man was sitting reading his papers when his wife hit him round the head with a frying pan.
'What was that for?' the man asked.
The wife replied 'That was for the piece of paper with the name Jenny on it that I found in your pants pocket.'
The man then said 'When I was at the races last week Jenny was the name of the horse I bet on'
The wife apologized and went on with the housework.
Three days later the man is watching TV when his wife bashes him on the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious.
Upon re-gaining consciousness the man asked why she had hit again.
Wife replied. 'Your horse phoned'