Osama Bin Laden Had A Massive Porn Stash In His Pakistani Compound

Everyone knows that Osama bin Laden was (allegedly) killed in his Pakistani compound a few years ago and that he had been hiding out there for a few years before that, but nobody knew what he was really doing whilst he was there.

Well, it turns out that he must have spent a lot of time watching porn whilst he was there because the Department Of National Intelligence is reporting that there was a humongous stash of porn found in his lair after the raid. This came in all the regular formats – videos, DVDs, magazines, erotic novels (?) – and was apparently enough to keep him occupied for a very long time. I guess he needed that as he probably would have spent the rest of his life jerking off in the enclosure if he hadn’t been assassinated. I guess you could just call him Osama bin Wankin’ instead.

The DNI is refusing to reveal the details of the porn which is a shame as I’m sure we would all have liked to know just exactly what turned the biggest terrorist the world has ever known on, wouldn’t we? Some spoilsport named Brian Hale had this to say about it:

We have no plans to release that at this point in time. Due to the nature of the content the decision was made not to release it.

Sounds like it could be kind of racy stuff, like goat porn or something. I guess we’ll never know.

The DNI also released a lengthy list of books that were found at the compound. I thought that would be quite interesting, but to be honest it isn’t, except maybe the MKUltra stuff – they’re secret LSD experiments conducted by the CIA if you didn’t know. The full list is below if that floats your boat below the picture of bin Laden looking guilty because he’s been caught bashing the bishop.

International Relations Theory and the Asia-Pacific by John Ikenberry and Michael Mastandano

Killing Hope: U.S. Military and CIA Interventions since World War II by William Blum

Military Intelligence Blunders by John Hughes-Wilson

Project MKULTRA, the CIA’s program of research in behavioral modification. Joint hearing before the Select Committee on Intelligence and the Subcommittee on Health and Scientific Research of the Committee on Human Resources, United States Senate, Ninety-fifth Congress, first session, August 3, 1977. United States. Congress. Senate. Select Committee on Intelligence.

Necessary Illusions: Thought Control in Democratic Societies by Noam Chomsky

New Pearl Harbor: Disturbing Questions about the Bush Administration and 9/11 by David Ray Griffin

New Political Religions, or Analysis of Modern Terrorism by Barry Cooper

Obama’s Wars by Bob Woodward

Oxford History of Modern War by Charles Townsend

The Rise and Fall of the Great Powers by Paul Kennedy

Rogue State: A Guide to the World’s Only Superpower by William Blum

The Secret Teachings of All Ages by Manly Hall (1928)

Secrets of the Federal Reserve by Eustace Mullins

The Taking of America 1-2-3 by Richard Sprague

Unfinished Business, U.S. Overseas Military Presence in the 21st Century by Michael O’Hanlon