"Be happy when you get to the airport. Why? You're not on the bus anymore! Don't tip the bus driver. If you were rendered unconcious and woke up in miami then tip him! Why? You were unconcious!"
Really? Why wouldn't you tip the return bus driver? It's the same time & distance as going to the resort......

That bit of sarcasm might have been lost here. If your on the bus and the Wake up in Miami you obviously need not deal with the pain of travel because in a coma your oblivious to what is going on. Naturally a car accident which renders you into such a state is not a good thing!

I wrote this after reading the lowest rated trip advisor reviews. There are about 70 that rate the resort "Terrible" Obviously there are plenty of inexperienced over expected travelers there and some wanted a different experience! some very funny stuff and it was my muse.

"Be happy when you get to the airport. Why? You're not on the bus anymore! Don't tip the bus driver. If you were rendered unconcious and woke up in miami then tip him! Why? You were unconcious!"
Really? Why wouldn't you tip the return bus driver? It's the same time & distance as going to the resort......

A bit of sarcasm might have been lost on you. Basically I was making light that if rendered into a coma and awoken after the trip how valuable the service would be. Sort of like if you took some serious sleeping pills and just slept thru the whole trip home.

Your whole ideology fits in with what what I call the "no care attitude". It seems many try to control everything around them, including such stuff as the weather, the other guests, how salty the water is ( another poke at a reviewer from last year who complained about the ocean and the ethnic makeup of the guests, as if Couples can control that).
The no care attitude for me is not trying to make my vacation perfect in my mind by having expectations when I go, or trying to try everything. When you release yourself from that self imposed responsibility, and just do whatever and go with the flow, you will have a better time and be a better person. It's not that you don't care about the important things like your spouse or family or work, etc. It's about letting go and allowing things to happen, to stop and smell the roses per say. When we allow ourselves to experience things as they come, and live in that moment, only great things will come to you.
You will notice things that may have been passed...in the past. A tree you never noticed or a sand crab on the beach. Take in all the wonderment of your surroundings, of the staff, the guests, the food, the drink. the sounds, the smells. Try something you have never done before. Step outside your comfort zone. Enjoy all that there is offered to you, and make all the little things a part of your experience.
Many try to either change things to suit their self perceived "needs" or are disappointed when expectations are not met. Remember that granite and marble and fancy decor does not equal 5 star. 5 star is the staff, the food, and the untouchable ambiance that Couples has. So people call the rooms "dated". We call it "vintage". If a little thing like a dust bunny or a few ants determine whether your vacation is great or not, then the problem is with you, not the resort. Sweating the small stuff will cause a ripple effect against everything else, no matter how great those things are, and then nothing is ever good enough.
Instead of trying to make things your way, or expecting things to be a certain way, just let yourself be free from that. Take it as it comes and your vacation experience will be awesome.

Well said!

Inexperienced travelers will find many imperfections while overly some that are experienced have a strong preference toward certain aesthetics they value more than others. The random chaos of a rain forest teeming with life vs the manicured gardens. While Couples is hardly an untamed environment its not the groomed spit shined high rise experience that comforts some. windows without glass is more harmonious with nature than being 10 stories up protected with glass and fine climate control.

"Learning few Patois words don't make drunk patrons endearing to the bartender."

I love that...in fact I love your complete review. Sad to say we have met that misery loves company couple one year. We called them the ugly Americans the whole trip. (I live in Detroit so I am American as well) He was just loud from the minute he got on the bus...trying to tell the driver he was from Jersey and he could get us there quicker. Then he decided to smoke the crap he got at the airport during our bathroom pit stop and made the rest of us wait. We saw him and his wife one other time and he was complaining about the food. I have lived in NYC and have been to some of the best restaurants in the world and I don't ever have a bad meal at CN.

I love the fact that Franklyn calls me Princess even though it's not always in a good way But I love the fact that him, Tennyson and Omar know our fav drinks by the end of the first hour. This staff pays attention. Can you imagine how many people they meet and for them to treat everyone so special???!!! It's truly amazing if you ask me and one of my favorite things about Couples.

Oh and as for that top shelf booze you want in your room? Have your wife bat her eyelashes and say pretty please and I bet you get that bottle of Grey Goose...worked for us in CTI! If not...hang out at the bar and drink the top shelf. Shame on you for wanting to spend your entire vacation holed up in your room! No offense but I don't go to Jamaica in January to hang out inside....and that is another reason why I don't give a crap what the room looks like. The beds are awesome and the rooms are super clean...that is good enough for me!

<i>you have your woven (why the "F" did I get this thing!) hat on </I>

Great review! File my comment as "it's your trip, do as you wish", I LOVE buying a hat from Dennis the hat man (I am lucky that he is at CN on Thursday when we always start our trip). Looking forward to seeing my friend Dennis this April (our 6th trip, my 6th hat ).

I got an old woven hat that is abotu 20 years old that just needs a liner sown in to make it comfy! I used to have hair as a buffer, now there just skin between the hat and my skull!

Its vintage now! I take it back to Negril and it provides special powers to those who wear it.

I only take it off for one thing. Well, that and swiming. Ok, also to play tennis, and I guess shower. Not polite to wear a hat at dinner either. Its a cool hat!

Im wondering, can you pay anyone to keep the beach solicitors to stay away? Acutally im planning no bring small bills and buy the stupid bracelet for me and my wife but I'll haggle the price. Not gonna buy no drugs though. Is weed a drug? IM sure RandyMon don't want us talking about the hypothetical situation of what really happens. You know, like a when friend asks me "do they have tourist grade or do you have to go on a weed tour"?

Im not going on no weed tour, but you know when in Rome, I prefer to have the better grade of "Grape" if you know what I mean!! Do they sell different types of "Grapes" on the beach, and what do they call it?