Monday, November 30, 2009

Hello dear readers,

I just finished playing waterball and it was pathetic. Our team won with such ease that it wasn't even fun, so I was left with an empty feeling in my soul.

In other news, Barack Obama made himself a bowl of cereal this morning and the media has not ceased in there praising. But seriously, GQ named him leader of the year, and he still hasn't done a damn thing. It really bakes my beans too.

Sunday, November 29, 2009

Ok, there was no internet at my parents house so that explains the gap in the blog posts. I actually wrote during that time, but did not post online. I will make sure to post those writings at a later time, but right now I feel much too lazy.

Guess what! I'm engaged. As in engaged to be married. As in about to enter in to a lifelong love covenant with another human being. I'm freaking pumped. Like seriously ecstatic. Should i post the story up on the blog?

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

There is nothing quite like going home to the parents house. I say the parent's house, because, in my mind, once you move out it is no longer your home. There is a familiarity and comfort that comes with going home to see Mommsie and Pops. You walk in and you are no longer the responsible adult you are outside of their house. Once your foot is in that door you become the child once again. Its time to sit back, relax, and be a kid for a few days.

Bonus Material: Fangst- what every emo girl that goes to watch Twilight suffers from

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Though it rarely tops “Favorite Holiday” lists, Thanksgiving still has its fair share of perks aside from the obvious flaunting of American opulence. Make the most of your only guaranteed Thursday holiday by manning it up.

Mental and Physical Preparation

Often, people will limit their eating during the day in anticipation of the evening feast. This is a flawed way of looking at Thanksgiving. A man needs to be prepared for work when he sits down at the table. Neglecting his nutrition all day will not make him able to consume more; if anything it will shrink his stomach so that it will take less food to fill him. A man’s best course of action is to eat plenty of the one meat that hardly ever appears in a traditional American Thanksgiving: bacon.

Football

Our most American sport (sorry, Baseball) and our most American holiday (sorry, Flag Day) have been intertwined for over a century. We would be remiss not to make mention of how crucial football is to any reasonable Thanksgiving celebration. That said, giving tips on how to enjoy a football game could be an article unto itself. So instead, here is one tip to live by in general: at high school football games, no one likes the 25+ year old alumnus trying to pick up cheerleaders.

Parades

Parades typically have too much in common with Broadway musicals to be considered manly. Just skip it. Either that or invent some sort of drinking game like, “Take a shot every time you see a fat guy in a sequined suit that might have fit him fifteen Thanksgivings ago.”

Dinner

The best way to man up an already manly ritual is to turn it into a competition. All of your relatives strong enough to participate should. This leaves the grandparents (should there be any present) in charge of judging. Begin with a weigh-in before dinner. Take VERY PRECISE MEASUREMENTS, GRANDMA, as even a few ounces could determine a victory. Enjoy the full meal including dessert, and weigh-in again before anyone gets a chance to digest. The winner will be given the ______ Family Fatty Crown and a gift certificate to the restaurant of his/her choice, paid for by the losers. Don’t forget to wash it all down with some...

Wild Turkey!

101 Proof. The preferred potent potable of Hunter S. Thompson. Nothing makes pretending to be thankful for your awful life seem believable quite like “The Dirty Bird.”So give thanks, eat up, take a tryptophan-induced nap, and be a man.***N.O.M.***

Friday, November 20, 2009

Life seems to be a series of struggles. It seems to be one drama filled evening after another. There needs to be rest. The mind is never still. It constantly fights to find equilibrium, but never quite finds the balance. You try to rest and are challenged. You try to resolve conflict only to find deeper levels of turmoil. You search for quiet stillness and find chaotic noise. You look for whispers and find screams. When is there rest to be had? When is peace found?

Thursday, November 19, 2009

I spent all day laboring over a stupid presentation, and now I'm spent. I have nothing more to give. I expended all my stores of insight and criticism on something that I care very little about.

I did learn something about myself today and that is when I'm nervous and there is food present.... I will eat it. I was kind of nervous about this presentation, not because I don't like speaking in public, but because I was going to have to bullshit the entire thing. Don't worry my bullshitting went very well, and to celebrate me and Kristina went out for a stiff drink. Which leads us to now..... ok enough with this

I want you all to sit back and get very comfortable. You comfortable? Now clear your mind of all that you have to do and listen to this song and watch this video in full screen and HD setting

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

The flying fishy fiends flopped into the Emerald City with all the power of a tsunami. Fins, gills, tails, and munchkin body parts began to fly. The attack had begun. The munchkins cowered in fear at the scaled army, while the carp showed no mercy. Their razor sharp dorsal fins slashed huge gashes in the dwarfed appendages of munchkins. Their powerful scaled tails thrashed about with bone crushing power, much to the dismay of any munchkin that found themselves within their range.
A grim smile found its way to the metallic mouth of the Tin Man. It was a truly unnatural expression. Tin Man hovered above the carnage, while scanning the battlefield, looking for his mark. He saw the Munchkin Marines and the Royally Small Guard organizing a counter offensive in the distance. "Excellent" he though to himself. He knew that, with the army out fighting his fishy fellows, the Wizard would be left with minimal security.
He wanted to save his strength for his fight with the Wiz, so he switched to his stealth mode, which all good tin men have, and headed towards the Wizard's tower. He arrived at the tower and was able to slip past most of the remaining guards. However, the final two guards saw through the Tin Man's disguise and launched a brutal attack at the Tin Man as he tried to move past them and into the Wizard's chamber.
The battle was quick but ferocious. The guards were able to do extensive damage to the Tin Man's disguise, but were no match for the Tin Man's destructive power.
Having dispatched the final line of defense for the Wiz, he kicked open the doors to the Wizard's Chamber and looked in upon his adversary with true hatred.

To Be Continued.....

OK, I had quite a few requests for the continuation of that story. There shall be more....bwahahahahahahahahaha.

So, I'm proud of Brandon. He has been steadfast in his commitment to this journey and is writing some really good blog posts. You should definitely give his blog a read. http://bkingya.blogspot.com/

I hate people that think that they are far more important than they really are. They have this annoying habit of thinking that they can say things and get away with it. The sad part is.... that they can. Even though my insides burn with unspeakable rage, there is nothing I can do. This is because usually these people only behave this way in public forums, where I cannot succumb to my Viking instincts and smash their measly mortal bones into the ground. One day...I will catch them in a dark alley and then I will exact my revenge.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Ok guys this is a very crazy time of the semester for me, but I promise I am going to try to keep the quality of my posts up. I will try to make up for any quality drop on the weekends. This too shall pass. I feel obligated to those of you who read to keep things interesting and funny.

There has been an outcry for a continuation of yesterdays story... so I shall appease the masses and post one within the next few days. Any suggestions on general directions that the story should go?

I want this blog to become popular, but I know that I need to invest more time in it for that to happen. Unfortunately I do not have that time to give. I will continue to strive to allocate more time for quality posts. But we all know that popularity is fleeting as is show in this poster:

Monday, November 16, 2009

I have now completed 10% of my 100 day journey. I'm proud of me. Over the course of those ten days my followers have grown from 2 to 14. I still have absolutely no idea what this blog will end up becoming.

I don't think before I act at times. Like today, I re-activated my account on Facebook. I don't know why though. I hated Facebook and got so disgusted with it that I quit, but there I was rejoining the rest of the world on the largest social networking site in existence. I am not as cool and original as I like to think. I am proud that I managed to make it almost two years without Facebook, though.

Today is the Birthday of LSD ( at least for the next 45 minutes) so I present you with this video in honor of the day:

That video creeps my out and I have never taken LSD. I can only imagine that it is worse for everyone who has. Sorry for the slow blog today. I got some good stuff planned for you tomorrow. I was a little discouraged today, because today was the first day since I started this blog that no one commented on a post. Oh well, I'm sure that I will bounce back.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Watching the Cowboys is just too painful right now, so I will blog instead.

Children are exhausting. I think that instead of giving their children "the talk" parents only have to make them take care of small children for any extended period of time. I don't think that I have ever heard my name said so many times in a single day. Anytime that my attention was drawn away from the children, I was immediately barraged with "Brooks Brooks Brooks look Brooks look look Brooks Brooks." That really wasn't that bad though, because I have the innate ability to completely tune out any noise, much to the dismay of those who are trying to have a conversation with me.

Now for a complete change of pace I am going to post an image and write a little about it.

Years after Dorthy's departure from Oz the Tin Man's heart was broken when his long term homosexual relationship with Scarecrow ended badly. He was new to the nature of the heart and misinterpreted the emotional pain of his heart break as a defect in the gift given him by the Wizard of Oz. The Tin Man, in a fit of irrational and emotional thinking began to suspect foul play on the part of the Wizard. The Tin Man continued to wallow in his depressed and paranoid thinking for months as he developed plans of revenge upon the Wizard for his betrayal. He spent months remaking and upgrading his body. He was preparing for an all out assault upon the Emerald City and the bastard Wizard. He remembered how troublesome the flying monkeys had been to he and his comrades in their earlier adventure. So in a stroke of maniacal genius, he gave himself wings and enlisted the help of the the Magic Flying Carp Army. Which leads us to today, the day of his revenge. With the Carp cavalry at his back he flies towards the Emerald City with revenge and murder in his heart. "Today my fine flying fishy fellows we feast upon Wizard and munchkin alike. These people are worms on a hook hanging before us. Make them your fish food. Kill, maim, and fin all that you see, but leave the Wiz for me."

Ok I think thats enough torture for you all today...
See Ya Buds
Brooks

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Ok today I am just going to do a little stream of consciousness free writing. There will be no editing no thinking just typing once I start. I will start with the word butter... ok here we go.

Butter: It makes me fat and unhappy. I am usually unhappy when I feel fat, but I usually have been eating some good food so its not all bad. Do you know what is all bad though... the inability to stop sweating in a normal period of time. I can take a cold shower after working out and when I finish I am still sweating as much as when I was exercising. Exercising makes me not fat, which makes me happy. This stream of consciousness on the other hand does not make me feel happy. It also seems to deal much to heavily with my feelings. So to avoid my feelings I am going to talk about Tom Cruise and how I can no longer take him seriously. I mean honestly, have you read what scientologists believe? They think the aliens lived inside volcanos and have now been absorbed into our bodies through shampoo. My favorite shampoo fragrance is coconut. When I use it, I am transported to a island and I am washing myself beneath a freshwater waterfall. I think that the last sentence that I just typed makes me a fag. I'm ok with that though. Marko used to call cigarettes fags. He was cool for an Australian-Serb. Serb reminds me of the word serve, which reminds me of Chilis, which makes me want to kill myself, which makes me want to stop typing. So it will

Friday, November 13, 2009

"Love the creatures for the sake of God and not for themselves. You will never become angry or impatient if you love them for the sake of God. Humanity is not perfect. There are imperfections in every human being, and you will always become unhappy if you look toward the people themselves. But if you look toward God, you will love them and be kind to them, for the world of God is the world of perfection and complete mercy. Therefore, do not look at the shortcomings of anybody; see with the sight of forgiveness."
—`Abdu'l-Bahá, The Promulgation of Universal Peace

I must begin by asking forgiveness. I am an imperfect man, and as such, I have failed. Midnight has come and gone with no new post on my blog. I went a full 24 hour period without posting which means that I will not be able to post for 100 consecutive days. On day seven, I have already disqualified myself from reaching my goals. I could respond to this by making excuses about my day at work. I could say that because I worked from 10:15 this morning to 11:56 tonight, I was not able to complete my post, but I would rather ask forgiveness. I ask it from you, my readers, and from myself. I will forgive myself, but first I must have your forgiveness. Will you forgive me for my failure to do that which I have promised?

According to Wikipedia, forgiveness is defined as as "the process of concluding resentment, indignation or anger as a result of a perceived offense, difference or mistake, and/or ceasing to demand punishment or restitution. The Oxford English Dictionary defines forgiveness as 'to grant free pardon and to give up all claim on account of an offence or debt'." Using that definition, if I am to fully forgive myself, I must give up my self-resentment for not posting within the time boundaries that I placed at the beginning of this endeavor. My forgiveness of myself is crucial to the continuance of this blogging exercise, because if I do not release my resentment then I will begin to see this endeavor and its continuance as a failure. If I begin to view this blog as a failure, then there is no reason for me to continue to invest and sacrifice the time that it takes to create these entries. Basically if I don't learn to forgive myself then I carry a defeatist attitude that ultimately leads to defeat.

The funny thing about forgiveness is that, even if you forgive me for any wrong that I have committed against you, it does no good if I cannot except your forgiveness and use your forgiveness to forgive myself. If I ask for forgiveness and you do not grant it, then the transgression that I committed to you still has an influence on both of us. The unresolved problem can cause bitterness and anger and stress because it is not being dealt with. If you forgive me, but I do not except it then the problem will continue to have an influence on me. It can lead to me carrying attitudes of failure and defeat, which can wreak havoc on my current and future relationships. However, If you forgive me and I choose to accept your forgiveness and forgive myself, I can move past the problem and learn from it and be a stronger and better and ultimately freer person because of it.

Learn to forgive others and forgive yourself. I have a friend who, at one time, committed a rather grievous sin against me. There was a period, during which, I thought I would be unable to forgive him, but thankfully God was able to do a big work in my heart and I was able to forgive him. Through that forgiveness he and I have grown much closer and have a deeper relationship. The fact that God allowed my heart to be softened to forgiveness also provided a frame of reference for a forgiveness trial that he has had to face in his own life. The fact that I, through the grace of God, was able to forgive him, provided an example and precedent when he was face with a situation where he had to forgive. Forgiveness changes people. Both the forgiver and the forgiven are changed by the act of forgiveness and reconciliation. None of us deserve forgiveness, that is why it is always a gift. Learn to except and value that gift and you will have a better, richer, and more fulfilling life

It is very easy to forgive others their mistakes; it takes more grit and gumption to forgive them for having witnessed your own.- JESSAMYN WEST

I love you all,Brooksie

P.S. Even though I was late submitting this blog, I will continue to post as if I had finished this before 12 o'clock, which means you should look for a blog tomorrow evening. I woke up this morning and felt as if I had been beaten all night by 13 midgets with baseball bats. Apparently waterball takes its toll on the body. I'll be off now. I have a new liquor to try. It is called "The Kraken" and it is a dark spiced rum..... I know, it sounds delicious right?

Thursday, November 12, 2009

I just got out of the waterball pool, and I barely have enough energy to move my fingers. If I don't have a six-pack by the end of waterball season then I will never have one ever again. Tonight I played with a guy whose given, Christian, name was Thor. Yah, thats what I said. Brookson, Destroyer of Worlds, and Thor, God of Lightning, joined forces tonight and decimated all who stood before them. Seriously, my body is completely drained of ATP. My eyes are drooping. It feels as if there is a lead weight strapped to my chest.

The forgiveness blog is coming I promise. I'm just overwhelmed with responsibilities.

I attended a lecture today. It was a guest speaker from SFAU who spoke on Folklore. It was really interesting learning about some of Texas' oldest lore stories. I would like to spend some time looking into it some more.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Tomorrow I hope to post a more serious discussion on forgiveness. I have been forgiven more, in my life, than I care to admit, and I think that this topic requires more than a marginal effort on my part. I want to be able to spend enough time to fully communicate the ways the forgiveness has worked in my life. I am a bit rushed today, because I have one hundred billion things to do and only a few weeks/days to do it in. I feel that I have failed this blog and you my readers.

Ok a few quick notes:

1. Orphan is a terrifying movie. There is something about evil children that disturbs me to my core. I would rather fight a demented serial killer than face the darkened face of an evil child.

2. Glee is a phenomenal show. I sing along with the cast every episode and at the end I usually want to commit my life to song and dance. Weird but true.

3. P90x is the bane of my existence, but I endure its unspeakable evils because it allows me to eat whatever I want without having to spend additional money to buy larger clothing.

I promise that my post tomorrow will make up for this useless excuse for a post. Don't give up on me yet. I did warn ya'll that not every post would be good, and this is proof. I am know going to do some KenpoX then some homework then bed. Stay posted for a better post tomorrow.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

I have often mused to myself that I was born in the wrong era. I like to think that I would have been much more at home roaming the land wielding my massive sword and hammer fighting alongside my Nordic brothers as we conquered all in the name of great Odin. I'm pretty sure that my name would have been Brookson the Destroyer of Worlds. I would be known throughout the land as the tallest, biggest, fiercest warrior to have ever worn a horned cap, but instead I was born in modern America and all I have ever learned to wield is a Xbox controller and a keyboard. The true glory of battle has eluded me my whole life. I soon turned to sports in hopes of finding a cure for my inherited bloodlust, longing to find something that would slake my thirst for combat, my desire to see the wide-eyed horror of mine enemies before I smote them with all my Nordic might, and to allow me to gorge myself on the feast of victory. One by one each sport failed to provide the thrill and challenge I craved. Football (too controlled), Basketball (too soft) and Baseball (seriously, this one should be obvious) all left me craving more. Until the glorious day that I discovered the one sport that gave me glorious battle that I desired:

For those of you who are unfamiliar with this glorious sport, allow me to provide you with some reference material

This is truly the greatest sport ever created on God's green earth. It is the closest to true battle of any game I have ever seen before it. You push, pull, dunk, grapple, smash, or, in my case, beast your way to victory. The strongest, fastest, and most vicious warriors are rewarded for their efforts. There is no greater joy than fighting your way towards the goal with three grown men trying with all their might to halt your steady march to victory, nor is there any glory greater than being the immovable force which brings thine enemies' progress to a screeching halt.

In waterball, I can live out my destiny. My blood boils at the sound of the first whistle of the game and I am transformed into a different kind of beast. I am Brookson, Destroyer of Worlds.

Come check out our next game on Thursday at 10 its going to be an epic clash

Brooksie Baby

PS. Wow guys you are making me feel really special I now have 10 followers. I might even have what some would call a small audience of readers. I promise to keep diligently working on my craft if you promise to keep reading and leaving your comments and criticisms. Thank you to Jorday Jorday, Lukey Dukey, and Jonesy for your comments on the last entry. So please subscribe and read and if you like it..... tell a friend.

Apparently this journey has inspired my roommate to embark on a mission of his own. Check it out at http://bkingya.blogspot.com/

Monday, November 9, 2009

It is day three and I am still going strong. Is it sad that I am pleasantly surprised with myself because I was able to last three days? My readership has doubled (from 2 to 4, YAYZ), which is encouraging. I now no longer feel as if I'm writing to myself (Thanks for the follow Montana Jade). I still have very little direction for this grand experiment, so I will continue to just post at random about whatever subject/topic/person/place/issue/animal/phrase/movie has fallen into place at the forefront of my mind at the time. So just hold on. My thoughts often disorient me, so I can't imagine what they will do to you.

Ok first of all: Did you know that if you say "beer can" in a British accent you are saying "bacon" in a Jamaican accent.... go ahead and try..... I know it blew my mind as well. My world will never be same.

Second: Everybody has seen this I hope:

If you haven't seen this Don't Panic. Slowly walk away from the magic picture machine and go crawl back under the rock you have been living under for the past few years.

Today I saw these and decided that they had to be shared with those that I love.

Ok that is all that I have to write about right now, but I am about to go to work and I am sure that it will give me some form of inspiration but until then this is all that you get so deal with it.

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Ok, it is day two and I have already come up against my first obstacle. Throughout my college career, I have been taught to take my "voice" out of the papers that I write. I have not had a creative writing class, and my "voice" is not welcome in all of my other academic writing. Those of you who will be accompanying me on this 100 days of literary genius (haha), you now have something to look for when you read my posts. You can help me identify and hone my "voice". Ok now that the boring preface is out of the way..... on to the fun stuff.

There is a phrase that has been thrown around quite a bit in my house as of late, "Only in Abilene." I mean no offense to anyone who was born or raised in Abilene (love you 'stiners), but seriously.... only in Abilene. The other night after work me, Kristina, Hoopsie, and BKing decide to hit up one of Abilene's local haunts, Linda's Lounge (at the bottom of the Whitten Inn (the number one locally owned motel in Abilene)). Linda's is the kind of bar that can make you feel like an all-star or a local yokel depending on the night. Tonight we were received like all-stars. As the door swung open to the dimly lit hole-in-the-wall bar a roar poured out into the chilly November night. The roar was emanating from our already completely intoxicated co-workers. One Chilihead (we will just call her "the Canuck") was particularly "stumbly". She ran over and promptly grabbed my woman by the back of the head and plunged 'Stiners cute little head between her Canadian bosi (the made up plural of bosom). I'm not gonna lie I think that Hoopsie and Brandon were a little upset that they did not receive the same greeting. After we received our enthusiastic greeting we grabbed our drinks from the bar and took a seat at the table.

A few minutes later I saw a girl sitting at another table, who had what looked a glitter covered mole on her temple. On further inspection I saw that it was actually a diamond (probably fake). I called her over and asked if it was a piercing or a stick-on. Her answer was lost in a slur of unintelligible words. I'm not sure if she was slurring because she was hammered drunk or if it was because its difficult to talk with two huge metal bolts going through your twice pierced tongue. She informed me that it was neither a piercing or a stick-on, but that it was an implant. An non-removable implant. An "I can never take this off.... ever" implant. An "I got this shiny glass chunk on my temple that looks like a glittery mole from across the room and I can never take it off ever unless through an expensive removal process by a doctor" implant. Yeah, she bragged about it for a few more minutes, during which she smashed at least one of her tongue piercings against her teeth no fewer than 15 times, before she stumbled back to her table. After our drinks were finished we decided it was time to go back to the house. On the way out we saw this

Saturday, November 7, 2009

Welcome to my journey. I am about to embark on what will (hopefully) prove to be a fun, revealing, and trying quest, one hundred days and one hundred posts. Its sounds like an exercise in literary narcissism, I know, but, my aim is much higher than that, I assure you. My goal is to find relevant and universal themes in my life that will help me define and refine my life. Once these themes or patterns are identified I will strive to use them in such a way that others in my life will benefit. I hope to share truth that is revealed during this time of introspection. Not all posts will be long, not all posts will be good or deep and meaningful (or grammatically sound for that matter), but they will a part of this process of self-discovery and self-refinement. Of course one of the additional benefits of this process will be my growth as a writer as I get to practice my trade.

Lets start at the beginning: What inspired me to embark on this endeavor? To be honest that question can be answered using one name, David Sedaris. He is incredible, he can take some of the more ordinary aspects of life and manipulate them into sidesplitting tales that leave his readers smiling for hours. The greatest part of his essays is the fact that they always lead the reader to a universal truth that they can apply to their life. I want that. I want the ability to write things that entertain and interest an audience, but that will ultimately move them, by revealing an aspect of life that is relevant to them. I doubt my skills will ever compare to Senor Sedaris ( I don't know how to put a tilde above the N), but I can always dream.

I encourage all forms of feedback from anyone who reads this blog. I am here to grow and to learn, and then hopefully to share with those that will listen. All of you have something to teach me so don't hold back, because then you are only depriving me of the valuable things you have to say.

I want to apologize to all of the people in my life like Kristina (#1), Hoop C. Hoop, Jorday Jorday, Brandone, Cartier, The Spaniard, Don Juan, all my fellow Chiliheads, my family, and all others who will be included in this blog over this next 100 days and, I also want to let you know that all sensitive information will be safe from publication. Names will also be changed to protect the innocent if something even remotely sensitive makes it into my chronicling. All of that to say, you don't have to avoid me for the next 100 days to avoid being eviscerated in the blogosphere.

About Me

I'm Norse, if you haven't figured that out then heaven help you, more specifically I'm a Viking. I embrace violent stereotype of my people and hope that by chronicling my exploits on this page, I will grant all who read a more balanced view of me and my brethren. For although we seem heartless and barbaric, we have good and decent souls.