Saturday, June 3, 2017

DOWN ON THE PLANTATION WITH VAMPIRES AND GHOULS, INC.

You
may recall the story from a few weeks ago about "parabiosis," the
latest "fad" among the technocratic "elites". Parabiosis is the
phenomenon that ingesting through transfusion the blood of younger
members of your species somehow contributes to youthful renewal and
vitality, and, some have argued, longevity. The practice has captured
the attention of billionaire busybody Peter Thiel:

OK.
We get it: every billionaire busybody needs a pet project: Gates wants
to promote Common Core, and pump people full of vaccines;
Zucker-what's-his-name has recently converted to New World Order
Socialist Globaloney (we suspect while reading the late David
Rockefailure's memoirs in the "reading room"). Darth Soros likes to
topple governments, foment riots and revolutions, and install
neo-Fascist puppet governments, and, in general, has made being a "god"
(his term, not ours), his hobby. The late vowel-impaired Zbgnw Brzznsk,
while not a billionaire, was certainly a busybody, and closely
associated enough with billionaires to have his own pet projects, which
were of a similar nature to Darth Soros'.

Against
this backdrop, Mr. Thiel's ghoulish interests in immortality through
parabiosis - and let's face it, that seems to be a polite euphemism for
the belief in, and practice of, vampirism - seems relatively tame and
harmless...

...except that the idea has now grown to the point of a "parabiosis start-up", according to this article shared by Mr. G.K.:

It
comes as no surprise, of course, that the start-up is in Nuttyfornia,
and "serves" customers in the Silicon Valley. What's interesting here
are the admissions of the article:

Growing old: It's for the poors. Feasting on the vitality of the young in a scientifically questionable effort to live forever?

That, friends, is for the tech elite.

And
if that just so happens to mean draining teenagers of their blood for
rich old people, so be it. This is a brave-new world, and (the
definitely-not-run-by-vampires) Ambrosia LLC is here to help the privileged, paying few conquer it one blood bag at a time.

...

The
plasma's mostly pulled from teenagers, with a donor-age cap of 25,
ensuring that only the freshest of blood is allowed at Ambrosia. As for
the customers? They're only required to be over the age of 35, but
Karmazin confirmed many are near retirement age.

...

But
at $8,000 a pop, it's not a leap to assume his customers believe they
are doing more than just contributing to some newfangled anti-aging
study. After all, they came for the blood of the young—and that's
exactly what they're getting.

There
you have it. If you're over 35, have an extra few thousands of dollars,
and want to live forever, or at least, participate in a corporate study
of parabiosis, you can pay your $8000, roll up your sleeve, and get
your transfusion.

If
one hasn't seen the hidden "logic" here, it's best to state it
explicitly, and with the caveat that if I can think of this high octane
speculation, they've probably thought of it in Nuttyfornia, too, the
only difference being they probably think it's a good idea in
Nuttyfornia. For good measure, let's just tie it to those constantly
percolating rumors on the internet that Mr. Globaloney also wants to
depopulate the world by a few billion people (mention Georgia
Guidestones here), leaving a skeleton crew of about 500,000,000 to serve
Mr. Globaloney on his global plantation. One gets the image of Mr.
Globaloney sitting on the veranda of his plantation, sipping mint
juleps, IV stand with a blood bag next to his leather chair, receiving
his daily transfusion of "young blood". Now, barring the ability to
synthesize young blood via some technological means, this will require
the establishment of Young Blood Ranches to grow Young People to supply
the Young Blood for Mr. Globaloney's Vampire Project until such time as
the ability to synthesize it is achieved. At that point, Mr. Globaloney
will no longer need Young People or Blood Ranches for his supply of
"ambrosia", and all that will be shut down for synthetic blood
factories. Eventually, of course, Mr. Globaloney will forget
how to synthesize it, because he's just too lazy and stupid, and with no
young smart people any more to transfuse his young blood, the world
will begin to fall apart because no one remembers how to do or make
anything. It's the old Isaac Asimov "Foundation" scenario all over
again. Rehearse that previous list of billionaire busybodies mentioned
above, and imagine a world being run by a class of people with the
"smarts" of Gates, Zucker-what's-his-name, Darth Soros and you have a
recipe for apocalypse by insanity and irrationality and - after decades
of promoting "dumbed down edgykayshun" - stupidity.