Why so paranoid/jealous??

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ArcticCatChick wrote:

My SO is driving me crazy! He's always thinking that I am with some other guy or want some other guy. I have NEVER cheated or given him reason to think that I would. I have a couple guy friends (who he has met) that I talk to sometimes. I always let me read the convos if he wants. It's never crossed the friend line at all. But his jealousy is really starting to irritate me and it's getting worse and worse. Some days I just throw my hair in a messy bun and wear very little make up. Other days I go all out and try to look pretty. The days that I do that he always asks me "why I look so pretty?" And "are you gonna go hang out with your boyfriend?" And things like that. I don't know why I'm being questioned so much when I've done nothing wrong and have nothing to hide. It's really starting to bother me with him though. Just would like to hear what you all think about this situation and what I should do about it?

Some of the younger guys at work liked to tease him and tell him they were going to ask me out and whatnot. Or they would chat with me and even sometimes try to flirt while we were at work. They're behavior, even though I was shutting it down every time, really got to him and made him grow insecure and jealous. I left my job, and they continued with their crap. I swear he got worse with me not working there anymore. It drove me insane. I finally told him he had to figure out how to get over it, or we were done. I did nothing to encourage those fools and I didn't deserve his ****. Thankfully he was able to learn to ignore them and move past that nonsense.

If you haven't already, talk with him. And if he can't get over his trust issues then you need to decide if his jealousy is a deal breaker or not.

I have thought about the guilty conscience thing as well. I just honestly don't believe he has cheated or would cheat on me. I've never had reason to be suspicious of him doing that.

But i have tried talking with him about it and told him he needs to get over whatever is causing the jealousy. One night he was out of town, I had put baby to bed and was relaxing and watching tv by myself! He called me and then accused me of having someone over because he heard a mans voice. I was watching catfish on tv so I think he heard nev or max! Lol

Another night he woke me up at 3 am saying he had anxiety and accused me of sleeping with his friend that he works with! His reasoning was that his friend has a lab dog and I had said that I liked lab dogs. Like what?! I'm just getting fed up with being questioned all the time when I've done nothing to deserve it.

I do agree that he is showing controlling characteristics. And that scares me because I fear that it will get worse over time. I just don't know how to properly approach him getting help. He has a lot of stress going on in his life right now. And I know that has triggered anxiety for him. But I don't want him taking it out on me. And especially not on our son. That's my biggest concern.

I would talk to him about it bc he could just be insecure. Are you out of his league?? Some guys genuinely don't believe males and females can be just friends. Does he have female friends? If I were you when he asks who you're looking pretty for tell him , him lol. Sometimes men need reassurance too. If you don't have any other signs that he could be cheating I wouldn't assume the worst. Just bc he's insecure doesn't mean he will become abusive.

I'm going to give you perspective from his side. I get paranoid about my husband and I shouldn't. It is something I am personally working on. Something that helps me is when my husband tells me how much he loves me or we talk about our future together. It gives me more confidence about our trust and relationship. Let me know if you have any questions or comments!

Girl I was with a boy like this bout 10 years ago. After he accused me of cheating with one of our friends at 4 am and throwing me out of our apartment we broke up. Then I started to hear around town that he had been cheating on me while he was at college two hours away. I didn't believe he would have cheated but his behavior towards me got weird and kinda made sense after his own bs got aired out.

I think you are absolutely right about him being insecure. But I do try to reassure him that it's him that I want. And that I love him. I don't know how to help him anymore. He has a couple of female friends as well. And I'm completely fine with that.

A past relationship? Or was there really no trigger? I'm just trying to figure out where it is coming from because he hasn't always been like this. And I do try to reassure him that I love him and only want him.

That's horrible!! I'm sorry that happened to you. But I really don't think that is the case here. I mean I pretty much no where he is at all the time. Usually he is at work. If not he's at home or we're out doing something together

This did not come from a relationship I have ever been in. It was simply learning about some of my childhood ( I was 18) neighbors getting a divorce because the man cheated on the woman. It happened again with another set of neighbors. Our family was very close with both families and I considered all of them extended relatives. I truly believe since hearing those confessions and marriage mishaps, it has impacted my trust in general. I am very naive though and have a romantic mentality where you should be with one person and love them with all of your heart. You can imagine that when I hear about "cheaters" it is devastating.

That makes since to me. Thank you for some insight. His parents divorced when he was just 2 years old. And his dad has said he thinks she was screwing around on him. That could very well be where this is coming from

Agree with savannah. Being somewhat jealous is fairly normal. Blatantly accusing you of having men over, putting on make up to impress other people, outright saying that you're sleeping his friend, crosses a line into controlling and abusive behavior. I have only been in one relationship where my SO said and did things similar to that. He first cut me off from guy friends because of the accusations, then male clients in my profession, then single girlfriends, then everyone else. Once he isolated me the abuse started. After that relationship ended I found out that he had been cheating on me. This behavior is not normal, not ok, and is extremely indicative of abuse or his own infidelity.