My quirky views on life, love and parenthood!

Archive for the tag “community”

Well I finally broke down, again. I joined Weight Watchers online. It has been about a year and a half since I last joined. I have this problem that I think I can do it by myself. But, as usual I let life get the better of me and start eating to much and not being active enough. Which then causes me to gain weight. What a pain!

So I joined last Wednesday (and I had to enter my starting weight), and I have worked to keep myself at or under my points. Sunday was my first official weigh in. Guess what… I lost 7 pounds. Now obviously this is uncommon but I figure it’s a start. I am hoping to loose about a 1 pound a week which is safe. This is going to be a long road but it will be worth it. I have just decided to embrace it, now it would be great if I could just get ride of this cold!

Not having to make a special meal for myself but include the whole family in this endeavor has been helping me keep to my plan. Plus I told the kids about the changes so they have been ‘reminding me’ lol. On Friday we had grilled veggies and meat which was delicious! We all loved it! We even had dessert. I made grilled peaches with Cool Whip. It was sweet, filling and only 2 points!

There is a Recipe of the Day and it has been inspiring! It has helped me take normal things I would make and how to tweak them so they aren’t so heavy.

I don’t want to go to a meeting and ‘share’ but I want everything at my finger tips so it is easy for me. That way if I want to check it anytime of day it is there. There is also a community page so there are challenges and information and blogs that help give you information and motivation. But it’s on my terms. So for all of you out there that are like me that don’t want to do the meetings but want better resources you might want to check it out.

For me keeping track of my points can be a pain but WW has a mobile app for my phone. So I can keep track of my points while I am out and about.

Planning is a critical part of keeping myself on the right track. I think about what I am going to have for my meal a head of time. That way I am not as tempted to take shortcuts that cost me points. If I plan everything out ahead of time I know how many points I am going to use and what will be left over. If you are lazy like me sometimes and the thought of cooking is revolting there are also Smart Ones in your grocers freezer that taste pretty good and you just have to microwave them. Plus on the box it tells you how many points it is. I have also been working on tracking all the food I eat and try not to leave things out.

The past few weeks have been difficult for me. I felt that there had been an injustice done. Now of all places this was happening at church. Not just any church, but my church. I did not take this well! On Sunday, in the crowd I put on the smile and was polite. I minded my P’s and Q’s just like my Mama taught me. Inside and in private I was screaming “This is NOT happening!”.

I have to admit and apologize that I was swept up in taking the injustice personally. I ranted, my face turned red, my blood pressure when up, my poor husband, mother and friend had to hear all about it. This is a perfect example of me making a MOUNTAIN out of a mole hill!

After the first week I thought I had talked through it and was ok. Then on Sunday a comment was made that through me into a tizzy!

On Wednesday we had a meeting to discuss concerns and to provide solutions. Before the meeting you would think I was preparing for battle. I prayed, I vented, I wrote notes on things I wanted to cover and I went in with a chip on my shoulder. Hopefully it was not to big that anyone would notice. I arrived to a nice size group. I won’t go into details about the meeting but let me tell you. I didn’t have to yell, or get angry, and apparently we as adults came to some positive solutions. So I left feeling like I needed to eat a HUGE humble pie!

You know what I learned…is that I let Satan play me for the fool I was! I let my emotions control the situation and I relied way to heavily on anger! This has not happened in quite sometime. I thought I had moved on, but apparently I still have some lessons to learn.

One thing I have learned, yet again. The Church is made up of people. It doesn’t matter what church you go to they are all made up of people. Not saints but sinners! We all come with baggage and imperfections. I needed to be reminded that God has given me grace and I need to give it to those around me.

As the school year comes to a close I begin to think about the summer. Summer break always feels like it takes forever to get here and then when it does it goes by in a flash.

Between the sleep overs, picnics, BBQ’s, and camps some days it seems just as busy as the school year. So much for a break! So here are a few tips to keep you from going crazy and you kids from saying “I’m bored”.

Swap kids

As adults with kids if you don’t already, work at making friends with other adults that have children. This may be single parents or even other couples. But one thing as a parent is that we all need a break from time to time. So develop friendships (we all need those) and work with people who you trust to swap kids. This may be for an evening for a dinner out, or another family is just planning on having fun.

This news story ticked me off! No only is this mother young, but apparently she is doing drugs and drinking. She is only 19! Where are her parents? Isn’t this a great example of not communicating very well with your child.

Thank God that the baby was OK. Thank God that the car seat did its job! Thank God for people who pay attention and the cops that did their jobs.

I am not saying that young parents are the problem. However, when you are young I know from experience that your emotions can be a major influence.

It is pretty apparent that this young woman is pretty self absorbed and should have thought twice before becoming a parent.

Food for thought: If a woman is going to become a mother maybe a parenting class should be taken. Young parents and most first time mothers are clueless about the responsibility that it takes to care for a child. Alcohol and drugs have no place in motherhood.

It is interesting to me that there are so many women out there that have no business becoming parents and yet have several. And yet there are so many couples out there that are unable to have children. Which seems fair? Neither. Unfortunately life is not fair, I have learned that as I have gotten older.

But to recap where does this young girl get off putting her child in danger that way?

Premarital sex is a touchy subject. Especially when you are a Christian, a parent, a wife, and you deal with the youth. I know that many parents wholeheartedly believe in abstinence, I agree it is very important. Growing up in a Christian home it was taught that you waited until you got married before you had sex. Unfortunately, for many parents if sex is a touchy subject, your children will not come to you when they have questions. This lack of communication causes your children to go look for answers elsewhere, or not at all. Being naive is so dangerous for our kids and doesn’t solve any problems.

So, I have a few suggestions to the parents of teenagers, boys and girls alike. I know that my kids are not at that age yet but I have already been asked questions from teens.

Get over Yourself

I think that parents hate talking about sex because it makes them uncomfortable. Get Over It! You are not going to do anyone any good if you can’t face the fact that your baby is growing up. This is part of being a parent and it is your job to be the go to person. This topic is not about you, but you need to be willing to answer your child’s questions. Take it slow but spell things out.

Be Honest

Please do not use the birds and the bees. You need to use actual body parts by their names such as a vagina or penis. This is not a Johnson or other crude words to describe your body. If you don’t know the answer be honest about that too. We all have horror stories about how our friends, family and even parents told us what sex was. Like “when you eat a watermelon seed it grows a baby in your tummy”. Whatever the story is make sure that it is not absurd. Your children don’t usually understand metaphors and will take you literally. So be careful what you say. If your child approaches you and says they have questions, you may need to take a few moments to compose yourself in what you are going to tell them. Don’t dismiss them or avoid the conversation, it needs to happen! And please don’t leave it to our school system to educate your kids on sex.

Fess up if You made Mistakes

We know we’re not saints! Most of us have made mistakes in one way or another. Don’t try to hide it, you will eventually be found out. When your children learn that you lied to them, then understand that your credibility is shot. So if you made a mistake that’s ok. You don’t have to go into detail; but, don’t think you are going to hide it from your kids. We all want to protect our children from making the same mistakes that we did. Understand that when you can face the fact that you made mistakes, then when your kids do it it’s not quite so hard to forgive them.

Answer questions using medical terminology

Again, use medical terminology that is easy to understand. One suggestion to parents is do your research ahead of time. There are many books and sites out there that can help you talk to your kids about sex.

Tactics

Don’t try to use fear or guilt to try to keep your kids from having sex. I think it is important to educate our kids. What is God’s purpose for sex? What is the importance of sex? What is the importance of finding the right person? What is love? Open communication is so important. Now, I know this is difficult. Our kids treat us like we know nothing and act like they are not listening. Even when they don’t act like they are listening they are. It is your job to educate and talk to them, even if you have to say it a 100 times.

Protection

How do we protect our kids? We arm them. We arm them with knowledge and with the skills to handle life situations. If we treat them like babies then we are setting them up for failure. When you say the words “No matter what, you can talk to me” it is your actions not your words that will make that statement true. So when crap happens if you tend to get mad first and start yelling I will tell you that your child will not come to you when they really mess up. So be prepared and you may need to start working on your own issues before you deal with your children.

Dating

In each household the matter of dating is different. If you want them to wait I understand that; however, you might want to let your kids have some input. Talk about options such as group dates and having friends over at your house. Just because you tell them NO doesn’t mean that they aren’t going to like someone. If you don’t give them an opportunity to talk, without you judging then, you are just going to be left out of the loop. You are going to make keeping secrets a must. Now doesn’t that seem like a recipe for disaster?

Listen

I know that as parents we have strong feelings and ideas about lots of stuff. Make sure that before you start going off on your soap box, you pause. Listen to what your child has to say. I would recommend that you have a one on one conversation and not do this in public. I would also suggest that you not try to use humor to lighten the mood. Sometimes it can come off really bad. Give your child an opportunity to talk to you about whatever is on their mind and really listen. Each child is different so what worked on one will not necessarily work on the next. As we learned in school “you have two ears and one mouth, so you need to listen twice as hard as you talk”.

Forgive

When they make mistakes forgive them, and yourself. Our children will make decisions even after we have given them all the tools. I am not saying that I condone premarital sex, but I do realize that everyone makes mistakes and no matter how hurt we are our child is responsible to God for their decisions. We don’t have to understand why but they are still our children and it is our job to love them.

Communicate

Above all, keep the communication alive and flowing between you and your children. Do not be so set in your ways that they can’t come to you. Educate your child not only about sex, pregnancy and STD’s but also about people. Many young people do not fully understand that others will take advantage of their need for approval and love. They do not understand that there are those out there who know all the right things to say just to get them into bed. This is not only for the girls out there but also our boys. You have to pick your battles but it is so important that we keep arming our kids so they can make good decisions even when we are not there.

Now I know that there are those out there who will disagree with my statements and that is OK. I still look forward to you comments.

Internet dating? Words that most Mothers hate to hear! At least that was my experience a few years ago. Now, things are changing…at least a little!

We as Americans are way to busy with work, friends, family and fun to even think about dating! Ever notice that from the time we get up in the morning we are running? It doesn’t matter if we are getting ready for work, or meeting friends, or have an excursion planned. The average 20-40 something is in a hurry. By the time we get home we are exhausted but still have chores, so we do those then fall in bed around 11pm. So who has time to join a club, go to a mixer (what are those), or a bar, to find “the One”? Not many! If you are one of those few it’s not necessarily a good thing. You may be the one that we don’t want to find lol! By the time many of us consider internet dating we feel rejected, desperate, doubtful, and uncertain.

Before you spend time and money on a dating site figure out what your purpose for dating is and what do you want out of dating? If you just want to check things out and get a feel for it start with a free site. Click here to view the Top 10 sites!

Make a list of things you are looking for (longterm or short term relationship, friendship, bootycall, travelbuddy, etc.) You will want to get a picture that you can add to your profile on whatever site you use. Also, there will be an About Me section. This is where you have to write something about yourself, Duh. What do you want to tell others about you? Be descriptive and creative that way you have stuff to talk about on the first date. As a friend of mine states “dating is all about salesmanship”. This is not the time to beat yourself up! What are the positives about yourself and why would someone want to date you. Most importantly BE HONEST!!! Many times internet dating fails when people describe who they want to be (or who you will like) not who they really are! That’s a problem!

Statistics show that 74% of us have tried online dating. So no matter what other people say there is a good chance they have tried it.

Now just like normal dating there are losers out there and people who will take advantage of you, so be careful. You may also have to weed through a lot of toads before you find your prince charming. The nice thing about online dating is the fact that you don’t have to get dressed up, put makeup on, do your hair or even leave your couch. You can be in your pj’s at 2am at home surfing the site.

Now when I was dating I heard several horror stories. I wasn’t sure if they were just trying to protect or make me a nun? But do you want to hear a positive story? Well if you don’t just stop reading, but if you do I have one for you.

Almost six years ago I was single, had been divorced and not real keen on the man seen. I lived in a rural community by myself, but had moved home to take care of my father who had another heart operation. So in other words I didn’t have many prospects, I was getting older, and I figured I was going to be single for the rest of my life. Unfortunately being home so much I was also board. So what did I do? I joined Yahoo.com match site which is now Match.com. I didn’t know what to say about myself, i wasn’t quite sure what I was looking for but I took the plunge anyway.

Over the next month I went through hundreds of profiles (not all at once lol). I emailed several guys and even talked to some, and went out on a few dates. Over that time I also filled out a compatibility profile, the idea was that when I met someone I was compatible with it would let me know. Well, it was the end of the month and I didn’t have many days left on my subscription and I received a wink. It was to let me know someone was interested in my profile and had sent me an email. So I opened it, the email was sweet and cute. Now, before I responded back I wanted to check the compatibility thingie. Oh no, it said we weren’t a match! Well I figured what the heck I would take a chance anyway! So I emailed him back! We started emailing each other over the next few weeks. Since this wasn’t my first rodeo I grilled him. I figured I wasn’t playing games anymore and I wanted someone honest….. So what did I do? I sent him about 20 questions that were very difficult and straight forward. For example “Have you ever cheated on someone? If so why? Will you cheat again? Of course if you ask my husband he would say it was about 20 pages of grueling questions! But he answered every one!

Now I would say that our relationship is not typical, but it has always been honest. Our first date was July4th, he asked me to marry him on September 4th, and we were married November 4th. So to say the least it was a whirlwind. For us it has worked. It has been difficult at times, what relationship isn’t, but I wouldn’t trade it for the world. This November we will celebrate our 6th anniversary. I can honestly say I love him more today than I did then the day we got married! Some days I still feel like a newlywed!

Our Engagement Picture

I hope that this little story gave you hope. There is someone out there for you. Don’t give up, keep working on yourself and putting yourself out there.

If you would like more information leave me a comment. I would love to get your input about your internet dating. I look forward to getting your stories about your dating triumphs and failures.

Many times in life we get stuck in a situation, be it a ticket, or have a hang over, or am pregnant. Why is it that the first thing we do is complain? We feel sorry for ourselves. But ask yourself this…

Were you the one speeding?

Did you go out and drink too much?

Did you have unprotected sex (now I am talking willing not forced)?

We as people need to stop whining and take responsibility for our actions. Yeah you may have screwed up. Own it and move on. There will always be consequences to our actions. To be an adult it means

You wake up slowly, you’re dazed, with blood trickling down your brow and you taste it in your mouth. You try to move, everything hurts! Just blinking your eyes takes more energy than you have. After a few minutes you become aware of the sounds around you, the blinker blinking, the wind gently blowing, and the crunching sound of the glass around you as you shift your weight. What you also notice, is that you are upside down. As the waves of nausea pass over you, you struggle to contain the panic inside. You know you have to get out!

The first battle, is to undo the seat belt and with swollen tingling hands this task takes forever. After the first few tries you pause in frustration. Through the haze you hear someone trying to talk to you…. “Hang on, help is coming. Don’t move!” At that moment you freeze and your head continues to pound. Taking deep breaths to calm your nerves never seemed like such punishment before. Soon you hear sirens getting louder as they approach.

When the ambulance, fire truck, and police arrive there is instantly commotion. Through the echos of doors slamming and people talking your head begins to buzz with all the noise. You hear footsteps rhythmically pounding over the pavement, crunching through the glass and debris until you see big boots and a uniform kneeling, and then a face. That wonderful moment when you no longer feel alone. You are still scared, but God has granted your request and help is here. He introduces himself “Hi my name is Shane, I am with the fire department and I am here to help you”. As he begins to assess the situation a team of firefighters work to get you out of the car and on to a back board.

Once on the backboard they strap you down! Your head is strapped down, along with your waist and feet. It is so uncomfortable! You can’t move, or shift or anything! Of course that’s the point, but you feel so helpless and so ugly. You face is puffy, and between the blood, snot, and tears you feel like a mess! Once on the backboard they graciously pass you over to the ambulance crew. Who once again introduce themselves “Hi my name is Mel and this is my partner Shaun, we are with D.P. ambulance and are here to help you”!After introductions they begin to ask you questions. During that time they assess your airway, breathing and circulation. Then you get loaded into the ambulance and begin your journey to the hospital.

Between, the movement of the ambulance, the sound of the siren, and the questions you begin to feel relief but reality also sinks in. You were just in a car accident and were injured! As he continues to check you for injuries he also puts in an iv for fluids. Breathing is not helping at this point and the nausea starts in again. You hope that you make is to the hospital before you puke in the ambulance! No such luck, what was in your stomach comes hurling up! Through the chunks you apologize “I’m so sorry…”! The paramedic remains calm and reassuring “It’s ok, this isn’t the first time”. It’s a good thing, you would feel embarrassed but it’s to late for that. Your hair is matted, and your still pounding head remains strapped to the headboard. The blood that was once dripping is now crusted to your face, and the makeup you dared to wear is now mostly gone and the leftover bits are smeared all over your face. What a pretty site.

It doesn’t seem to matter! He continues his small talk in a reassuring tone. In those short scary moments you have developed a bond! In one of the worst moments in your life someone was there and helped you and is telling you everything is going to be OK, and you believe them!

Once you arrive at the hospital they unload you and begin to tell the staff there a myriad of numbers, which apparently are your vitals. Once they get you settled in with the nurses they say goodbye, do some paper work and are called away to another emergency to do the same process all over again.

Though this is one of the worst days of your life…it is just another day at work for them!

Here they come to save the day!

Those that work on an ambulance are worth their weight in gold! They like other emergency services are highly trained and are so important to our communities. Like any organization there are different levels of training and requirements. Two types of personnel are Emergency Medical Technicians (EMT’s) and Paramedics.

No matter what your title I just want to say “Thank You” to emergency medical personnel. The jobs that you do are so very important to our communities and not acknowledged enough.

Many of us have faced loosing a job or having a friend or family member who has. The problem is once you loose your job how do you get an new one? The process to find work is not the same as it was even 10 years ago. Remember when pounding the payment was the sure fire way to get your name out there and get hired? It’s not the case as much anymore.

Today, we use online searches and lists to look for work. It may be Monster, Careerbuilder, or Indeed, for job searches. Even newspapers are providing information on their website. Unfortunately, with legitamet job postings there are also many scams and start your own business cons out there. So you still have to be careful. In addition to looking at the normal sites you may also want to look at not for profit companies for job opportunities.

Even when you find a job listing and you go through all the work of creating your cover letter and sending it in with your resume many times you never even get a call back. There are so many people looking for work that businesses can be choosy and non-responsive. If you notice that you are not getting call backs maybe it would help to make a few changes. On many sites they offer to review your resume and make it better. If that doesn’t work have you thought about volunteering? I know if sounds strange but it can be a great way to get your foot in the door.

Many types of companies use volunteers including the Red Cross, Fire Departments, Police Departments, and many other organizations. Before you think about volunteering somewhere identify what you are passionate about. Then start looking for volunteer opportunities that match your passions.

Some of the benefits of volunteering include getting your foot in the door, networking with others, and developing relationships with those in the company or organization. Volunteering in some organizations may only be a couple times a month. You can work around your schedule and look at speeding up the process of getting hired. Now this process still takes time; but if you are patient and you get in it can change your life! Being a volunteer not only helps the company or organization and your community but also has an impact on you.

Check out volunteer opportunities in your area and see how it can improve your chances of a paying job in the future.

Memorial day is coming to an end and I am exhausted from spending time with my family. Throughout the day and again this evening I am thinking about the true meaning of Memorial Day. We are surrounded by so many who are serving our country today as well as veterans who have served and survived. Even more are the friends and family members of those that lost their lives for our country.

I know many, who to this day do not talk about their time served and the things that they have witnessed. They went to the military as young men and women. They came out changed, many for the better and some wounded in ways that we cannot see. They have pushed their bodies through weather, pain and war. Their minds have been exposed to the bonds of brotherhood as well as the great sadness of loss. They have had to witness things beyond our comprehension. They have made enormous sacrifices so we can maintain our freedom!

Several years ago I went to Washington D.C. on vacation. To see where our four fathers stood, and to take in our nations treasures. There I saw the Vietnam Memorial Wall which left me speechless. There are so many names. As you walk along and read some of the names you also see some of the items that have been left. These included letters and flowers along with other small items. I watched as others found names they knew. Some laid their hand over the name, others cried softly to say goodbye. Still others talked to a friend they greatly missed.

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As we continued our walk we ended up at the Korean War Memorial which has the statement “Freedom is Not Free”. Now although this statement is on the Korean War Memorial, I believe that it is true for any war or military action we have entered. I have thought about that statement off and on over the years and even in my sheltered little corner of the world I would have to agree. Through the sacrifice of so many it is how we gained and have maintained our freedom.