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Sunday, December 31, 2017

The impossible happened: I got married! Yes, I, the confirmed bachelor, who said marriage was slavery, who thought married sex was too vanilla, and who enjoyed the carnal pleasures of an endless series of boyfriends, found the love of my life.

It started innocently at first. We met online. I said I liked his picture and asked if he liked hiking and Italian food. He answered that he did, and the e-mails went from there. We had our first date at an Italian restaurant --no surprise-- and it went well. We then moved on to a park, and that's where things got interesting. We kissed for the first time and realized we couldn't keep our hands off each other. We kissed for the rest of the afternoon.

Later, we made a sex date on a weekday after work. Upon arriving, I said I had to take a shower, but I undressed in front of my new guy to give him a sneak peak. After showering, there he was. David, my naked, handsome muscle boy, invited me to bed. His face was angelic, and his chest was thick, hairy, and manly. We made love for two hours before thinking about supper.

Since then, we've been travelling fools, stealing weekends here and there, since we lived in different cities. We got married at the beach, toured historic towns, and even managed a naked hike or two. Last week, we decided to go for it and move in together.

So, what changed? Why did I leave my single gay life? Why did David --no slouch himself-- leave his? For one, we lived in a state that wasn't too closeted. Granted, we still have to be careful. Gays are at a strange point legally. We can get married in the morning and fired in the afternoon. Gay marriage is the law of the land, but we still don't have universal workplace protection.

I had previously lived in a state where the gay guys were severely closeted. They were afraid of their own shadow. For almost the whole lot of them, having a boyfriend was impossible, even though the homoerotic humor among the straight guys in the same place was over the top! I loved the job, but I had to move. The place was killing me socially.

Just remember: Not all cultures are created equal. If a place isn't working out for you, even with the dating sites, get out of town. There are plenty of places --liberal and conservative-- that are more conducive to meeting braver men. Speaking of websites, don't limit yourself to the freebies. You get what you pay for. There are a lot of losers on the free sites. Give a pay site a try. You'll generally meet better, high quality guys.

Above all, enjoy yourself. Don't look for a husband. Your true love will find you. You'll click so well, love will be effortless --and the sex will be fantastic. When you date a lot, you learn to hold some emotions back, but when you sleep with your husband, you give him everything emotionally, and you have the best fucks of your life, because sex practically becomes a religious experience.

I know David and I are newlyweds. We're so in love --and lust-- and we enjoy not having to face so many things alone anymore. We've had a great first year. So, my advice on gay marriage is a work in progress. Stay tuned. Right now, here's the takeaway: If I can marry a hot, smart jock, with all my hangups, anyone can. We all settle with boyfriends, but you don't have to with your future husband. He's out there. You just have to find him.

Want to play?

How often do you jack off?

Have you ever run naked?

What does your voice sound like?

Who do strangers think you are on the phone?

Does vampire blood run through your veins?

Do you suck guys' nipples?

How's it hanging? (How do your balls hang?)

What parts of the dick do you like to suck?

What's the tip of your hard cock like?

What do you like to lick?

Look at my VPL

"Man in the Box" is notorious for sight gags. In this still from the episode "Dating Jacob's Mom," Greg Bizjack (Mike Polk) sports pants that are way too tight. Also, the pink flyer in the background says, "I doubt everything."

Me llamo Mike

Boys will be boys

"Man in the Box" office workers Terry (left), Bill (center), and Greg get called on the table in "Sexual Harrassment 1."

Greg wins again

An effeminate "Man in the Box" employee gets his comeuppance in the episode "God Bless You."

What the fuck are you?

Have you ever met a transexual?

Guess the teams

This seemingly innocuous picture of two clean-cut guys kissing is actually a send-up of a legendary college football rivalry. Can you guess the two universities represented? (Click the picture for the answer.)