Soccer Players Are Now Biting Each Other At The World Cup

Every four years, the World Cup is hailed as a beautiful display of sportsmanship and international friendship. And nothing says sportsmanship and international friendship like sneaking up behind an Italian guy and biting him on the shoulder.

If only American sports were this sophisticated.

In the 79th minute of the Uruguay vs. Italy match, Luis Suárez got a taste for Italian. Since there wasn’t a Sbarro on the sidelines (despite my repeated suggestions), he decided to try the next-best thing. That happened to be Italian defender Giorgio Chiellini, who in all fairness, probably does smell a bit like a delicious bowl of Spaghetti Aglio e Olio.

Chiellini did not take the bite as a culinary compliment, and immediately fell to the ground in pain. Suárez, perhaps realizing he had just attempted an act of cannibalism in-front of the entire planet, fell to the ground as well, attempting to pretend he had inadvertently slammed his teeth into Chiellini and was also injured.

However, Suárez is not likely to convince many people that the bite was accidental, mainly because he’s bitten players twice before in his career. That’s right: not once, not twice, but thrice! He’s also been suspended for using racial slurs against opponents, which leads me to believe he’s not exactly a stand-up individual.

At any rate, Suárez is not likely to see any more playing time in this World Cup. But not to worry. He can always take up boxing. (Source)

June 24, 2014

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