To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children;
To earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends;
To appreciate beauty, to find the best in others;
To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition;
To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived.
This is to have succeeded.

Yeah, me too. It's high time I get to writing on this here thing! I can't honestly say what has kept me so busy this past week, but I do know that I've been busy! I'm sitting here right now drinking Rex Goliath Pinot Noir, which is kind of strong and vinegary tasting to me, but hey, we had it and I wanted wine! I'm much more a white wine kinda gal, but I've already emptied those bottles!

So let's see, what happened this past week? On Sunday morning (the night of Taryn's birthday party), I cussed out the manager at the paper center. I had papers in my car he needed, and I told him if he wanted them to go get them. He tried to call my bluff and thought that I would eventually give in and get them out of my car for him. He was wrong. Our boss ended up having to get called out of bed at 5 am to come and get them from me, b/c he was too scared to call me. It's really a long story, but I will say that I surprised myself. I'm usually very passive, and even though I get upset, I just let it go and don't say anything. I was HOT that night! I spoke my mind, and very, VERY clearly. Since then there has been an uneasiness at work, which I'm 100% sure came straight from that night. As a matter of fact, this morning I got a letter from my boss accusing me of spreading "vicious gossip", and telling me that I could get fired for spreading gossip. Ha ha! I signed a contract, which does not say one single word about gossip, so I'd love to see him try! Aside from that, though, the only people spreading said gossip are the natty old bitties who have nothing better to do in their lives than to try to add drama by making up stories about other people. I wasn't even at work when I was supposedly spreading the rumors I was accused of telling. I wrote a scathing, yet polite, letter back to my boss today, letting him know how I felt. Now, everything's good. I expect not to be a part of any of the drama of that place, and I will just be going in and getting my work done. End of story. I hope....

God, what else have I done this past week? Well, today I thought I had court for my ticket. Did I tell you about it? I got a ticket a couple weeks ago on the way to work for "Disregarding a Stop Sign". She told me I didn't "stop enough". Not sure what that means, but I was tired, and there's no telling. Anyway, I have a friend from high school who's a S'ville Police officer, and he told me he'd help me out. However, I've yet to be able to get with him to give him the ticket. So I got my mom to come watch the kids this afternoon so I could go to court. The court that was dated 6-26-07. Did you know that today was the 25th? Oh, I didn't. I felt INCREDIBLY stupid when I got there and the woman was trying to make me feel better...well, you're only one day off. Yeah, stupid. What's great, though, is that I did get in touch w/my friend, and he has court in the morning tomorrow. Soooo, he said I can stop by then and give him the ticket and he'll hook me up. Did I mention how much I love him? I mean, I always have. He was my buddy in high school...the whitest black guy I've ever known I always called him. We're working on finding a spare moment in the lives of his family and mine to try to get toghether and cookout sometime soon (which, btw, was in the works before I got the ticket, and I would do even if he declined to help me!). I know it'll be fun, b/c he's a great, funny guy, and still claims to be just a big kid. I bet the kids will love him. He's even got a 3 year old little girl, so they can make a new friend. Yippee!

Honestly, I can't think of anything else that's been keeping me so busy. I swear I have been, though! Oh well. Anyway, I think tomorrow I will celebrate not having to pay my ticket by making a trip to the local liquor store and picking up a bottle of my favorite Riesling, which also happens to be super cheap there! This red crap is no fun!

We had Taryn's 2nd birthday party yesterday, and I think it was a success.

My dad came, which was pretty cool. He hasn't been around any of my events for a while, actually since my wedding. He has cancer, and it was cool that he could make it out. I worried a bit about getting him and my mom and their spouses together, but all was good. It was funny, b/c Trey's dad didn't recognize him, b/c he looks a lot different than he did then, and he was asking him if he had any kids. I'm sure my dad was like, "Ummmm...."

My mom made the cake. I think it looked beautiful. I loved it. She said she was going for a more pastel pink for the background, but it came out almost mauve. Whatever. It wasn't quite as fluffy as the ones she and Bo usually make, but that's b/c she tried a new mix for yesterday's, and it didn't quite work as well. My words of advice, go with what you know, Baby. Overall, though, I couldn't be happier! Taryn loved it.

I was surprised b/c so many people gave her Hello Kitty stuff. I mean, okay, it was Hello Kitty themed, and she does love her some kitty cats. It just never occurred to me that there was even that much stuff out there with Hello Kitty that you can just buy in stores. She was in hog heaven, though, and I must say, I was thrilled as well!

Oh, and they loved the water guns (although I forgot to send them all off with them, so now I have 12 water guns!), and the water balloons (which Julia, Richard and I didn't, b/c they were a total pain in the butt to fill!). Julia and I got more wet than any of the kids did, as I couldn't control the hose very well and kept shooting it everywhere! They also liked "Pin the Bow on Hello Kitty", which I'm glad of, b/c it was a bit of work to make!

After all was said and done, and we got the house cleaned up and the kids to bed, it was time to get my papers ready for the route this morning. I'm just so thankful that they were small this week (they were about three times this size last week!)!

Taryn's birthday party is on Saturday. It's not going to be anything big or major, but I want it to be fun. Today while I was walking Grandaddy, I got some ideas about some stuff we can do. Here's what I came up with:

instead of crap bags to get when they leave, they will get a water gun and a piece of headgear

the water guns will be used to have a water gun fight, and we'll also have a water balloon toss

the headgear will either be a Hello Kitty headband (for girls) or a Kerokerokeroppi (HK's frog friend) visor (for boys)

we'll also play Pin the Bow on the Kitty, which I have yet to make, but will be working on tomorrow (hopefully)

I think that's it for now. I also got Taryn's gift today from Grandma. She's getting a see-saw thing that also goes around and around. I think she'll like it, as will TJ. It kinda makes me wish I wasn't so big so I could get on it, too! I also got her some tiny little Hello Kitty earrings, and a bathtub set where she can dress up a little foam person. I'm getting excited! However, I am not so excited about the prospect of having to clean the entire house in the next few days!

Yesterday, I made God's gift to South Carolina. I done got me a roast, and made me some good ol' mustard barbeque. If you're not from the South, then you probably don't understand, and you probably think this looks gross. However, it's the BEST FOOD EVER! I made what I thought to be a lot, but I was wrong. It's gone. I got two sandwiches of it, and the kids and Trey ate the rest. I was flattered that the kids liked it, b/c they usually only like candy and junk. Wait, does that mean it tasted like junk?

I will spare you the details of the long and saddening funeral and wake we attended this last couple of days ("we" being Julia and me). We basically reminisced with friends from Pizza Hut, and cried here and there. I saw Wilson last night, and he didn't look real at all. It upset me a lot. His face had flaws, he had pores. Not the Wilson in the casket. He was just too, too perfect. I didn't like it. I liked his realness, he was not the funny and charming Wilson I once knew in that casket last night. Today the highlight was when his daughter came up and told us her memory of him always wearing his swim trunks and his socks pulled way up. I laughed out loud, b/c it was true. He always wore his socks jacked up to his knees at work, and I always just wanted to reach down and yank them down! I never thought I'd miss that, but I do.

I came away from this all with a new sense of purpose in my life. Not that I was necessarily living badly before, or so I hope, but I can now put into words what I would like to achieve with my actions until I die. My goal in life is to live in such a way that when I die, people speak as highly of me as they have Wilson. I want to be liked, and loved, and known for the good I bring into the world. I want to help others, and be funny, and bring smiles to people's faces. I want my children to always know that everything I do, I do it for them, for my family (Trey, also, of course). I want people to remember my silly little quirks (like his jacked up socks), and chuckle at the thought of them. I want them to have animated and interesting stories to tell about me at my memorial service, and I want someone to want to have a memorial service for me!

It's not that I feel like I have not been already trying for this, but now I can put into words how I would like to see my life continue. I hope I can achieve this goal, and perhaps even surpass it.

Tonight I had a talk w/TJ about what happened. He wanted to do his reading lesson before bed, when we usually do it, but I was just way too tired and brain-dead to be able to handle it tonight. I haven't slept much this past week, and I'm so tired, yet I can't seem to fall asleep (thus the reason I'm up now typing this instead of snoring loudly in my bed!). I explained to him that Mommy doesn't feel good right now and she's really sad about her friend dying. I told him that bad men shot my friend Wilson with a gun, and he died. He asked why, and I said it was b/c they were trying to take his money away from him. He told me I could make a new friend, and that he would be my new friend. He also told me I could name my new friend Wilson, too! He wanted to know where Wilson was, and I told him that he's in Heaven with God and Jesus. He said God could bring him back for me, and I had to explain that that's not possible. In my best explanation I could come up with, I said that he gets to play games with God now, and run around in the sprinkler with Jesus up in Heaven. I know up to this point he's always thought Heaven was somewhere on the way to Nana's house, so I'm not sure still if he quite gets it. He seemed satisfied with that, though. I told him I am very happy for Wilson that he gets to be with Jesus, but I'm very sad for me that I never get to see him again. He seemed genuinely empathetic to my sadness, and was fine with me not teaching him his reading lesson tonight. He willingly went on to bed w/o argument, as he usually does. I was really, really surprised. I honestly expected a blow-out, b/c he really loves his reading lessons and gets excited about them. He talks about them all day and is always asking when he gets to do it again. He seemed to understand what I was telling him about Wilson pretty well, and that impressed me. TJ was acting very mature not only for his age, but for himself. I have to say, it actually made me feel kinda better. He did tell me that I have to hate the bad guys b/c they are evil and they shot my friend. I kept telling him that I don't hate them, that I'm sad for them b/c they shouldn't have done something so mean, and they really hurt a lot of people with their evil actions. I don't think he got that part, but I did finally get him to stop saying I had to hate them, so....

Okay, I promise I'll come back in the next couple of days with something more upbeat. You would think I was best friends in the world with Wilson the way it's affected me. I really didn't even know him a whole year, but he really just touched my life in such a positive and wonderful way, and I bet he didn't even know it!

I have to go to bed in a minute, but I just thought I'd let you know that today they caught the two guys who shot Wilson. They lived in the neighborhood, and had robbed one of our drivers (when she worked at Domino's) five months ago at the house next door. I'm glad of that. However, what sucks even more than what happened is that they didn't even rob Wilson. I mean, not that I wanted him to be robbed, but they killed him for NOTHING. Before, we said it was awful that the poor man was killed for a few measly bucks. Noooooo, he was killed for NO measly bucks, NOTHING. This wonderful, funny, fantastic man was taken from this world, from his loving family, from friends who remembered and cherished him for NOTHING. All I can say is that since I'm against the death penalty, I hope they piss someone off in prison and get shanked. (Yes, I know that was wrong, but I really wouldn't shed a tear if it were to happen).

I couldn't help but giggle a little when I saw Wilson's wedding picture. He was so young and goofy looking! Wilson was so goofy and silly! He made me feel almost like a normal person (you know, us weirdos have to stick together!)! This really, really sucks.

I'll be attending his wake tomorrow night, and his funeral on Friday. Just judging from what I've seen and heard so far, I'm betting there will be a LOT of people there. He was so awesome, and loved by so many people. I think it's cool, too, that they are sending over drivers and managers from the Main St. store in S'ville to work on Friday so the Bacon's Bridge people can go to the funeral. I was hoping that everyone who wanted to would get to come. It's just so surreal. I keep seeing his face on tv and in the news, and I'm like, "Hey, I know him. Oh my God, he's dead." It's like my brain just won't process that it could possibly really be Wilson that could have been taken by such a terrible act of violence. You know, you watch the news, but it's always some thug who hangs with the wrong crowd on the wrong side of town, not your good, sweet family man of 54.

Yeah, I need to stop. You get it, I'm upset. Anyway, Taryn is soon to be two, so I'll have to try to focus on all that hoopla soon. I hope you have a great day, and I'll see you soon.

Today I went to the center where we pick up our papers for my paper route and put together my inserts (everything but the front page part). It takes a long time to do, so instead of coming in at 2 am on Sunday mornings and being there all night, they open the center in the afternoons on Sat. so we can get them done ahead of time. I went in today, and was bull-shitting around with my friends. Wilson is this awesome guy who is next to me, and our stations are crammed together in the corner, which sucks. Today we had to maneuver around each other to get our work done. However, it was all good, b/c we have a good time joking around and talking smack. Today we were plotting for everyone to put in their notice at the same time as a kind of April Fool's joke to stick it to our boss b/c he's a jerk. Wilson is one of the main reasons I want to go in on Saturdays, b/c he's so much fun. Oh, and he usually gives me Snicker bars for "energy"! We worked together at Pizza Hut, too, and he was always giving me a hard time about driving too fast, and I was always calling him an old man. I always looked up to him b/c he was working three jobs after having retired from his career w/the government so he could pay for his kids to go to college (he had two in, and one on the way). I'm not sure when the man ever slept!

Well, if he was saving it up, he can now sleep peacefully to make up for lost time. I'm sick at the thought that I will never, ever see Wilson again. I will never joke with him, and he will never butt-bump me as we work our way around each other as we put our papers together.

Last night, the closing driver at Pizza Hut didn't show up for work. Wilson, ever the super-sweet guy, gladly offered to stay and close and help out. He was always doing that. I always knew that if I didn't feel well, Wilson would stay for me. This time, he was sent to Greenhurst, a neighborhood no one really worried about, except for the bad tips. I know I was never nervous when I went there at night. It's also the neighborhood Wilson lived in, and delivered his papers in. The man was Greenhurst for goodness sakes! Someone called in a bogus order shortly before closing, and Wilson was sent out to deliver it.

Supposedly, he hadn't even gotten out of the car to take the pizzas to the door. He was shot point-blank in the head inside his car. He was robbed, and what's so pathetic is that he probably didn't even have fifty dollars on him. I can't imagine what it must have been like for him. I keep thinking that he must have said, "Now, hey there, Buddy (he said that a lot)..." in a joking way, trying to lighten the situation. He was funny like that, and no one could ever dislike him. He was my buddy, my friend. I liked talking to him b/c it was always fun and interesting. Never a dull moment with Wilson.

This wonderful man has left behind wonderful and educated grown children, and a loving wife. What an awful person who could have been so callous as to take the life of such a hard-working, sweet man. I just can't fathom it.

I miss Wilson already. I can't imagine what it will be like w/o him next to me at the paper. I don't want to know what it will be like. I want him to be there next to me. I want to keep seeing him everyday. I want to joke about the bad notes we get in our paychecks and hear stories of his children and life. I feel selfish right now b/c I feel like Wilson was taken from me. I can't begin to imagine how his family must feel. What a very, very tragic loss.