Tuesday, June 5, 2007

Separation Anxiety

Hi. I know I haven't posted in awhile. The Papa and I separated about 6 weeks ago. I've had a hard time concluding how I would write about all of this and post it here for everyone, including The Papa, to see. I'm sure I will post things that will hurt him on this site. I think the subject matter alone is enough to hurt him. I know that I have a need to write about my life though and I can't filter out the worst thing that I've ever been through and write about just potty training and the weather. I must address the rather large elephant in the living room at some point. I do know that I have no intentions of being cruel, either here or in the real world. I will always try to write with compassion and love.

I can't tell you all about how he cheated on me, stole the family bible or beat me. I can't because he didn't do any of those things. He's a good and decent man. I love him still and will until the day I die. The sad part is I've only just discovered that love isn't always enough. Sounds like some sad song from the 90's. As of today, I have not filed for divorce. I don't know what tomorrow brings. I've spent the past six weeks trying to think of any way I can to fix this marriage. I haven't let myself start a new life and I won't let myself go back to the old life. I'm stuck somewhere in the middle. Emotionally, it has been a wild ride but things are more clear to me now than they were six weeks ago, last week or even yesterday. I guess I can call that progress.