Learning as we go and sharing along the way!

Start and Stop. Start and Stop. Start and Stop. On repeat my whole life.
You see I have this thing inside of me. No, not literally like some sort of Alien movie from the 80’s. But, I mean spiritually. I mean the type of thing that burns inside of your being and won’t go away no matter how hard you try.

Well, I tried being an employee my whole life. I suck at it. I mean in a sense I would do my job and care just enough to make me humane. But, I HATED it so much, that I would quit at any given time and start again somewhere else. It was AWFUL. The worst habit and seriously irresponsible. I just couldn’t bring myself to actually take orders from some stranger, some regular joe and quite frankly I just couldn’t conform. I am comfortable sharing with you that, I am not wired to do things normally. Trust me when I say, it wasn’t something that added spark to my habits.

I really am not sure where it all started or why the habit was created in the first place. I guess if I made a WILD accusation it would be that I simply was allowed. I was given the FREE WILL to make my own choices at a younger age than I probably should have. However, I am grateful it all is the way it is. Because I like to believe I turned out pretty good. Now I am not perfect. Still at 32 years young I am working on myself and being a better person every day.

Now, just because I can’t seem to narrow down the exacts on why I have continuously allowed myself even as a full grown adult. ( By the way, what really makes us “Grown Adults?”)
Either way, I may have allowed it over and over. Creating a monster in my life. I woke up one morning recently and just said, no. No more! No more will I allow myself to do the things that aren’t going to LAUNCH me into the direction I actually WANT to be.

I mean why in the world do we do this? Why would I do this to myself? Literally being my own roadblock to basically anything successful for myself. Every single time I have EVER started something that I was good at, when I would actually apply myself. We all know there are people in the world that can do things and just naturally do them well. The trick is sticking them out and becoming awesome at them! Which I have failed to do. This is not to be boastful or anything like that. But, I am one of those people. I do things well when I do them and do them right. I do things properly and organized when I apply myself and learn. I can accomplish almost any deadline when I am given one.
So, Why am I not successful in any of the things I started? We obviously know the answer to this. I QUIT. I STOPPED. I SIMPLY GAVE UP. When things got to be too much of an obstacle, to hard juggling mom life and learning life, the excuse that I was tired, the gross things I would come up with and tell myself blow my mind.
Things like, “No one reads it anyways Ashley. Why bother?” Or things like, “Don’t waste your time trying, you give up anyway.”
I mean you guys I have literally trained my own self-conscious thru bad habits that I am not worth finishing what I start. That just because I have started and stopped, it would not matter if I did it again. I mean no one would even care or question me or simply just call me out. Sometimes people just need a rude awakening. But, it’s not right to expect someone else to be that for you. So I thought if I couldn’t find it in myself and I couldn’t expect it then I would just give up. I mean that is really sad. It’s even sadder to type it and admit it. My self-worth has been lost but I haven’t.

I know that I carry value, I know that I can accomplish what I set out to do. I know that it is no one’s responsibility to push me in the direction of my goals and dreams. Only I can do that. Only I have the Launch button. Only I have my brain, my personality, and my feelings and thoughts. There is only one me that can start what I want to start. It is just up to me to not stop.
For some reason, the wake-up call I had recently was this.
It was a normal morning and Gracie and I had already had breakfast and we were ready for our day. No plans and no money. Living on one income isn’t impossible, just trying and sometimes can mundane. So, we pulled out some toys, watercolors and some of the kitchen utensils. Sat at the smaller kitchen table and we played. We painted and we laughed and danced to our absolute favorite Ed Sheeran Song, Sing. For a moment as the song was over and there was a transition in literally seconds to the next song. Gracie glanced at me deeply and I stared back at her and we smiled. That was it. That moment I made a choice. That glance, that dead eye stare of PURE LOVE. I almost was like this brain alteration and I had no control. I just changed.
The power of Love is Immense.
Its SO BIG, It helps Bad Habits Die a little Easier…

I literally just took a deep breath before I began typing this. You guys this is a topic I can find tears and humor in. Am I right?

Have a baby they say, it will be worth it in the end they say. Yes, I know that and those people are correct. However, maybe I didn’t listen at the time or perhaps no one was clear about it. (Thanks a lot) But besides all the tremendous blessings we are given on a day today. Feeling my sarcasm in there?

Such as, chasing a wild human around with your hands full, cleaning up god knows what the brown stuff is on the floor and walls, wiping extreme amounts of spit and snot off yourself and another little human. Yeah, besides some of those things…. why on earth was I completely unaware of how stinking messy a toddler is with food! I mean, I have been around kids. All ages. Mine is just a dang terrorist with food! Oh, and my lord is she picky! I love my Gracie girl more than air itself. But, this child can paint an entire room in a house with her food within T- minus 60 seconds. If she is feeling really sassy, we are talking 30 seconds folks. There is no need for dramatizing on that. If you are super curious or perhaps calling my bluff. Email me and maybe we exchange info to Snap chat my endearing meal times with my daughter.

I mean am I alone? Does your child act like this?

Please Lord, if this is just a phase. Thank you. But Lord, if this is not a phase and I am in this for the long run. Can you send me a money tree for all the food expense, a bag of an endless amount of chocolate, and perhaps just a little sprinkle of extra patience? Because only you know just what I need. Amen-

If you are laughing at me, that’s okay. I do that to. But heaven knows I need some Grace in my life for all the strawberries I am responsible for cleaning up off this forsaken carpet. I almost gave up on strawberries folks. They are her favorite so I let her keep them. But let me assure you, my carpet is beige. I’ll leave it there… Haha.

I felt like perhaps sharing some easy access for those seeking some help with Picky eaters, or even just some ideas on Food for a toddler. Now I cant give you much advice on if your child insists on having food fights on a daily, like mine. But, what I can tell you is this.

I don’t know what age your little one is or the circumstances in your home. But one thing I know personally that I remind myself on a daily. Even cleaning 24 hours a day, with little to no sleep, a cranky toddler, a tired but loving husband, and no time for myself. When I reflect on all that, sure I could allow it to make me feel like I am stuck. Because I am guilty of feeling that. However, I would clean up 30 hours a day if that is what it took. Her food smashed in the floors, rubbed on the walls, thrown everywhere and sometimes found days later. I know that one day all of that will be gone. She will be grown up, moved out and on her own. Building her life for herself, and establishing goals for her future.

So, if cleaning up her mess and picking thru endless amounts of food. That she does and doesn’t like. If that is what I do every day, I feel blessed. she is a blessing. Cleaning up food, and rummaging thru options will never outweigh the love I carry doing those things for her day in and day out.

Please don’t think for one second tho, that I wouldn’t kidnap and keep the next person that says they wanna help.

So piece of advice, careful what mama you extend your hand to. She just might be so desperate for a helping hand, she might never let you go. Ha Ha. Help does not come free folks. When it does, its a Unicorn and feel blessed.

Oh my gosh. If someone ever handed me a Genie Bottle to make some ridiculous wish(es.) I would absolutely choose to have a Super Power and mine would be, “Flash!” Right?! I mean, as a Mom that only makes sense. For all you Moms that have more than one child. I want you to know I just clapped my hands for you. Ha Ha. I’m not even kidding, I did. You are impressive! I also want you to know, I think you are an alien from another planet. Because only something out of this world can handle double the amount of snot and feces. I mean don’t get me wrong, I don’t look down on it. I just think your nuts. Ha Ha. I have one and I feel like I run a zoo, that has landmines everywhere. Instead of Zoo Animal poop landmines. Its Plastic toys that jam into the bottom of your feet, or make you trip and fall. Like your one half of a fifth into some whiskey. Ha Ha. Hey, maybe you are. I won’t judge you but keep it out of the reach of children. Ha Ha!

So like I was saying, I would be Flash! I could literally always have a clean house, top too bottom organization, I mean I could even go to Paris and be back in time for dinner! That would seriously boost my Mom street credit. I mean think of the possibilities! Let us do it together.

Scenario, Mom of two little boys. Ages 6 and 8, they are both in public school and have after school activities they both attend. Mom also has a Full-time job that is rather demanding of her. The father is a pilot, and he is away for work a lot so he can support his family. While the mom is home working, and tending to the children. So let us imagine what her day looks like. Wake up, get ready. But don’t forget the boys need to be ready for school too. Which we ALL know, almost all boys, let alone kids take absolutely forever to just keep enough focus to dress themselves. So priorities are, yes mom will need a shower. But her first job is to feed the boys, ensure they are getting dressed, ready for their day before school, she needs to pack lunches, and be sure the boys have clean jeans on. Yeah, you know what I’m talking about.

Okay, so I am gonna stop there because I know you are getting the drift that this mom. Let alone a lot of moms out there that have a list of things to do in a short amount of time, and the paper isn’t long enough to write the list. Dads have a lot of responsibility, don’t get me wrong. But mom life, holy bananas. We are like bumble bees. Right? So my point is, that I would choose Flash. Simply for the purpose of knowing and ensuring that everything would be done with a breeze and not a skip of a breath. I like that. I like the sound of that a lot. Don’t you?