A/N: I might have sobbed more then when Uther died while watching Lancelot du Lac… WARNING: Angsty to no end, spoilers for 4.09!

How?

Well, that was easy. The hard part was how she could do it to him. She loved him. They were happy. How was he better than Arthur? How? Arthur was better looking, a better fighter, she loved Arthur. She did. He knew it. But it happened anyways.

Why?

That was harder. Why did she do it? Why did she think it would be smart to make out with her non-husband in a public place? For the 'thrill'? Why did she need a thrill? Why did she need the other one? Why wasn't Arthur enough?

Arthur would have given up anything. He would have even run away with her if he had to.

He loved her. The other one loved her, too. It was obvious.

Why had Arthur trusted him?

Arthur now frequently heard questions about his mental health asked.

Arthur didn't care about his mental health, didn't they see?

All he wanted was her. Her back and trustworthy.

But that was never going to happen. And whose fault was it?

He banished her.

Agravaine told him where to find them, though. If Arthur hadn't seen, then everything would be fine.

He banished her.

He was the one that said he never wanted to see her face again.

And now that he probably wouldn't…

What was left?

His psycho sister, a mildly sinister uncle, a dead father, a very mad almost brother-in-law, and Merlin.

Lovely list.

He could deal with all of it if Gwen were there.

She could smile at him and he would take on anyone, anything.

But she wasn't there.

And it was his fault.

A/N: Please review!

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