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All posts for the month March, 2014

When you’re a happy little kid and you’re so incredibly naive, your parents, teachers, and family all tell you “Be yourself! People will accept you for who you are!” You believe them. Their voices are in the back of your mind saying “It’s okay! You’ll do great!”

And then reality slams into you in the form of growing up. And learning. Life’s not as sugar coated like they like to make out in elementary school. People aren’t as sugar coated and adorable as they are in elementary school.

I like to consider myself an individual. I try my hardest to tell the world that I am a gosh darn person (not a robot), I’m amazeballs, I can do anything, this is my world and you’re living in it, I’m better than you. I’m me. I’m proud to be me. I’m that girl who freshman year carried around a jar of dirt. I know somewhere, someone is still wondering why I did that.

Let me explain to you a thing. That jar is an accurate representation of how society deals with individualism. They hide it. They steal it. They make fun of it. They come up with nicknames for it. They act like terrible people about it. That gave me a glimpse into humanity.

I had a teacher tell me the other day “You’re probably one of the most intelligent people at this school, Brittany. But you have to conform some one day.”

If conforming means acting like a terrible, god awful bag of trash, I don’t want to conform. Not saying that the teacher’s a bag of trash; I actually really like him. I’m saying society is a bag of trash. I don’t want to be a bag of trash. Sometimes I feel like it, and I hate that feeling. But even if I am a sack of trash, here’s my message to society:

I’m better trash than you.

Society should be trying harder to encourage individuality. Parents should teach children to be more accepting and not act like little pieces of crap. School should not only be a place for book learning, it should be a place for learning how to deal with people. People who are different from you, and situations that are different from anything you’ve ever seen before. It’s meant to help you adapt and deal with people. Probably the biggest thing school has taught me is that conformity makes you into a brainless, mean, person.

But then again, individualism scares people away too. I get hurt sometimes because I think that I’m not included in the conversations. People don’t come to me for help with their life issues, even though I really do want to help. Friend, I love you, I want to make you feel better, don’t push me away. I hate that. I think of it and I want to curl up in a ball and cry for seven million years. It makes me not want to come to other people for help, because if they don’t trust me with their issues, why should I trust them with mine?

Yes, that sounds not fair. It’s just a sign that I seriously don’t have any idea of what to do with my life in the future, and I’m probably going to end up on welfare or in a cardboard box. Or at least as a starving artist surrounded by starving cats.

Ironically, I’m allergic to cats.

Things like this make me not want a future. I don’t know if I want to deal with people for the rest of my life, because people make me upset. I need to find an outlet for this. I need a place to be free.