South suburban residents break bread together at annual diversity dinners

People at the events are preaching to the choir, but 'I am strengthened by the choir,' co-founder says

May 04, 2011|By Paul LaTour, Special to the Tribune

Marlene Cox, right, speaks at a diversity dinner Thursday, April 28, at the home of Barbara Hayes in Flossmoor. Listening are Mark Anderson, from left, Barbara Anderson, Faye Predny and Dora Ivory. (Chris Sweda, Chicago Tribune)

Instead of using the traditional melting pot analogy, Barbara Moore says she thinks of the United States as a salad bowl, with every vegetable contributing flavor yet retaining its individuality.

Moore, co-founder of the annual diversity dinners held throughout the south suburbs for more than a decade, used the metaphor at the Flossmoor home of Barbara Hayes during one of the many gatherings held late last week.

Co-founded 14 years ago by Moore and Robin Kelly in response to a TV newsmagazine's examination of white flight in Matteson, the dinners are meant to bring together residents from various communities.

"What we found was that even though the villages are right on top of each other, people didn't go to the other villages," said Kelly, former director of community affairs for Matteson. "People had negative stereotypes about the other villages."

Kelly expected 400 to 500 people to participate this year, which included the 11 gathered at Hayes' house less than a mile from Homewood-Flossmoor High School. Most of Hayes' guests were from Park Forest, but five other communities were represented.

"I'm here because the conversations are always interesting," said Mark Anderson, 51, a physical education teacher from Chicago Heights who was participating for the fifth year. "I may not agree with everything that is said, but it is important to understand why people think and say what they do."

The goal at the dinners is to spark honest dialogue related to diversity, which is not limited to skin color. Organizers also seek diversity in communities, religions, ages, sexes, sexual orientations and socioeconomic backgrounds.

Questions weren't scripted, but the conversation at Hayes' house was nudged by her 33-year-old daughter, Melanie King, of Country Club Hills. Because the event was held the day after President Obama released his long-form birth certificate, the birther movement received early mention.

But race relations in general proved to be the dominant topic with the group.

Melanie Cox, of Olympia Fields, pointed out that even well-meaning whites can get it wrong. She recalled a conversation she had with another student years ago while taking a graduate course at the University of Northern Iowa.

The woman, who was white, told Cox she doesn't see color when she looks at people. Cox explained to her what effect that approach has on blacks.

"If you say you don't see color, then you're denying who they are," Cox said. "I don't care if you notice I'm black. I want you to. It's not the fact that you see my color that is the problem. It's what you do with that information. Do you put me in a certain box?"

Faye Predny, 63, of Park Forest, who is white, teaches at Marian Catholic High School in Chicago Heights. She said she hopes for a day when people move forward together regardless of race.

"We are all different — that's the beauty," Predny said. "We don't want to eradicate the differences. We want to respect the differences. We want to love the differences."

The dinners came about after a report in June 1997 by NBC's Tom Brokaw about racial separation in the nation's suburbs. The segment — titled "Why Can't We Live Together?" — was shot in Matteson as blacks were beginning to outnumber whites in the community.

Moore and Kelly thought it portrayed Matteson and the area in a negative light.

"We were looking for a way to counteract that impression of the southern suburbs," said Moore, 72, of starting the diversity dinners. "We wanted people to feel proud about the region and to feel good about their neighbors."

Organizers hope people have positive experiences at the dinners and share them in their communities. It's difficult to quantify and track the success of the dinners, but Moore pointed to one example in 2005.

That was the year 11 schools jettisoned the South Inter-Conference Association in favor of forming a new athletic conference, a decision that was riddled with controversy and charges of racism. Amid the turmoil, high school students from Rich East in Park Forest and Lincoln-Way East in Frankfort were included in a diversity dinner.

Their experience was so positive the students took it another step. They created an exchange in which 50 students from Lincoln-Way East attended Rich East for a day. Two weeks later the exchange was reversed.

More high school students have become involved with the dinners as the event has continued. This year, students from Homewood-Flossmoor, Rich Central, Rich East, Rich South and Thornton Township high schools participated.

Moore said the feedback organizers receive is more than 90 percent positive each year. Still, she acknowledged that there is something of a preaching-to-the-choir element to the gatherings. But she said that isn't a bad thing.

"I am strengthened by the choir," Moore said. "Even though we don't have people here who are separatists — whether they are black or white — we give each other a better foundation, so when we leave this room and face the challenges, we know there is a whole army of folks who value this region."