"A Story," by Everythingians

I ask a boon of you, my fellow Everythingians. Remember the creative writing excercize in high school where one person begins a story, and you pass it around the room for other students to add to it? With all of the intelligent, creative people here on E2, this is the perfect forum for such a story. I humbly begin this story, and ask you to add to it as you see fit. When I feel like it, I'll ask someone I respect to end it. I depend on you to make this work!

"A Story" By Everythingians

Dinka awoke with a start. The gargantuan four-post bed...the fire smoldering in the fireplace...the scent of strawberries...all told her she wasn't at home. Her mind raced as she tried to remember the events of the previous night. Full of dread, she turned to see if anyone was in bed with her. Thank God, I'm alone, she thought to herself. Now what the hell am I doing here? And where is here? Then she remembered...

Added 6-4-2001: For the love of all that's good, this has gotten way out of hand. Please, no more continuations, I beg of you.

... Aighearach, and so then she remembered that she had lost the contest, and had stayed up all night with a bunch of Geeks, playing chess and smoking marijuana.
"Hey there, get any sleep?"
"Like a rock, I forgot where I was until you came in."
"You just wish you chould forget yesterday, and that silly contest."
"Oh, pffffffff, you know I only entered for the complimentary espresso machine."
"Well, I came to tell you that we made breakfast, and it's getting cold."
"Oh! Thanks."
"See you downstairs."exits

Weaving and diving among spires pointing sunwards, below the soft rolling clouds she felt a lightness enter her heart. Now fixing in a northwards direction, the complex tangles of the city slowly gave way to smooth dotted greens of the country. Skimming over the small hills and tree-tops she finally slowed down approaching a small cottage with a smoking chimney. Landing and proceeding to store the jet-pack in a bush for safe keeping, she tidied up and knocked on the door. After several moments the door opened..

"No, not really. I just say that to pick-up chicks. But if you want to join us you're more than welcome. That's Tina, Johnny and Betty. Don't mind the Crisco. If you want to play you should probably pick a safety word or phrase. Mine's 'Don't Stop'. Would you like to come in?"

Dinka peered over the old man's shoulder and into the room. It was smoky and dimly lit, but she could vaguely make out what seemed to be people walking around in the shadows. Not exactly the atmosphere she would have associated with a friendly game of naked twister.

"Umm, no..." she said. "Thank you, though. Someone once told me that If I was in trouble, and needed someplace to stay for a while, that I should come here, and just mention the word S--"

"Quiet!" barked the man in a low voice. "Never, ever, say that name out loud. It might have been safe, once, but now there are listeners everywhere."

"In any case," he continued, "Now, you must come inside. Like it or not, you're involved in this matter now, and there are things you won't enjoy hearing, but that you need to know."

Dinka decided that the old man's cottage was getting a little too intense, so she took out her trusty towel and wiped off the Crisco and exited the cottage. "Don't leave us!" the dirty old man called after her. Dinka searched the bushes, only to find that her jet pack was gone! "I knew I shouldn't have trusted that old man," lamented Dinka. "What will I ever do now?"

Dinka wrapped the towel around her head and cautiously entered the gloomy woods...

And boy was she ever glad she did because she ran smack dab into the open slavering fangs of the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal. Poor dumb bastard stumbled away from a tasty dinner just because he couldn't see it. Unfortunately for Dinka it was now pitch dark to her, and she was very likely to be eaten by a grue. She just hoped she could find a rusty old lantern and glowing blue sword before it was too late.

She stumbled back toward the door and tried to open it, but failed to pick the lock. Luckily, she tried again and the door sprang open. In her haste she tried three or four more times but the door was already open.

Dinka wandered away from the improptu bonfire and tripped over something old. She instinctively pulled out her flashlight to see what she had tripped over. "Ahah, a lantern," she thought, switching off the flashlight. "Just what I need in all this darkness!"

She tried to turn on the lantern, but instead a puff of smoke rose out of it, and with a thunderous "Kupo!" became the geriatricdjinn known as...

She looked disconcertedly around the room. "That's funny. My lantern's gone but the room is still lit." Dinka was still puzzling over this fortuitous continuity error when she nearly stepped on Verne Troyer. "Watch where you're going!" the midget shouted.

"Sorry. I was a bit preoccupied."

"Forget it." He reached in his pocket and withdrew a small tin container. "Mint?"

"Thanks." Dinka peered at the tiny blue and red tablets in the tin. She snatched a red mint and popped it in her mouth. Out of the bottom edge of her sight she thought she saw a blob of lime green Jell-o (with pear chunks, if she wasn't mistaken) skitter across the room. Turning around to avoid Mr. Troyer, she bumps into something squishy.

Like a sponge, the squishy thing enveloped her. "Who put this here?" she thought. It glowed, thereby explaining the still lit-ness of the room. She felt around it, trying to assay its dimensions and purpose, but to no avail. Finally she gave up, assuming that whoever left a glowing giant sponge in the middle of a room must have had a good reason. She had heard once that sponges were nutritious. She had long ago sucked all the nutrients out of her towel, so she reached over to one side of the sponge and tore a bit off. She ate it. It slithered down her throat. She felt herself begin to shrink, and heard distant laughter that could only be a caterpillar.

Meanwhile, Johann was getting on the plane home. He enjoyed his work, but this had been quite a long stint, and New Zealand was starting to annoy him. He was pretty tired - he was woken up when the girlfriend he had round that night in his Auckland hotel room had got up to sell a q to some geeks carrying a chess board. It didn't matter, he realised how he would be completely buggered after the flight no matter how good he felt now as he sat in his seat and buckled up the belt. Sweden was a fair distance, and it wasn't like there were any express services available at this time of week let alone at any time. He just hoped that his workmates would remember to take care of his frog. He plugged in his walkman and started listening to thrash music. Time elapsed, and he drifted off to sleep, when all of a sudden...

General Kenobi, years ago you have served my father in the Clone Wars. Now he begs you to help him in his struggle against the Empire. I regret that I am unable to present my father's request to you in person, but my ship has fallen under attack and I'm afraid my mission to bring you to Alderaan has failed. I have placed information vital to the survival of the Rebellion into the memory systems of this R2 unit. My father will know how to retrieve it. You must see this droid safely delivered to him on Alderaan. This is our most desperate hour. Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi, you're my only hope.

"What the..." Johann thought. But as he was thinking the third word, the plane took an unexpected turn, a state of dizziness embraced him, and the clouds seemed to become larger and larger... he suddenly realized that the plane and all its passengers were shrinking!

Dinka awoke with a start. But she wasn't asleep, rather she was amidst a hypnagogic hallucination which had crept upon her consciousness - she really should see a doctor, as these were the warning signs of narcolepsy. As her conscious state and mobility returned to her, she could only vaguely say odd ramblings. Finally, her dissociative state gone, she consciously opened her eyes and saw--

The splotchypine.

"Hello?" asked the splotchypine.

"Oh, you can talk?" asked Dinka.

"Um, yes, I've been talking to you for the last few minutes after I saved you from a rabid tic-tac. You seemed to be quite lucid, at least."

"Oh, I could have sworn that you were only saying 'Meep,' but I could still understand you."

"Well," said the splotchypine, "I hate to say this, but I've got to be going. It's been surreal."

The splotchypine planted a sudden kiss on Dinka's lips. This caught Dinka off-guard. But before she could regain her composure and respond to the sudden, but brief, moment of transitory passion, with a soft poof the splotchypine disappeared, leaving behind a quickly-dissipating cloud of asterisks.

"Yes, what an odd day it's been," mused Dinka, as she went on her way.

And then Dinka awoke. She always had nightmares after watching Alice in Wonderland, but this was the first one featuring Johann. She hadn't thought about him in years, not since her time with the hooloovoos. But she had been young and naive, that was all behind her now. She wandered into the cargo area to see if any of the crew were up for a game of russian twister.

The cargo hull was dark. Still tired, Dinka shook the sleep from her eyes, and happened to catch the presense of someone else in the room. Or something. Whatever it was, it was cowering in a corner of the cargo hull drinking an Neon Orange Julius. For a while, it didn't move. And then suddenly, it continued not to move. Glancing around, Dinka saw a light switch, directly beneath a sign that appeared to say "Cargo Area Lights", although it in fact said nothing of the sort. As she was making her way to the switch, the thing in the corner called out to her. Much to her surprise, it spoke her native language of ½, and it was politely asking her for...

Puzzled, Dinka searched her pockets, twice, but to no avail... she hadn't purchased a ticket! "Oh, dear," thought Dinka, "And how am I to solve this problem?"

Quickly scanning the cargo hold, she noted the presence of perhaps fifty large magnetic shipping crates, stuck to the floor just behind where the odd little critter was speaking from. Catching hold of an elusive idea, she shouted, "It'sovertherebehindthoseboxes!" When the critter, taken somewhat by surprise, slithered over the crates to validate her story, she spied around again, found that the ceiling of the cargo bay was cris-crossed with crane mounts, and leapt, in the micro gravity, to one.

Below, the strange creature, who from above looked very much like a subtly amorphous gecko, came back from beyond the boxes. "Oi! You blasphemed the ticket Gods! Wh... where are you?"

Frightened, Dinka curled as small as she could, very aware of the fact that a six-inch strut can't hide a one hundred and thirty pound woman. However, it presently became clear that the pseudo-gecko had very poor tri-dimensional perception, and ADD to boot, and broke off the search quite quickly, to Dinka's endless joy. Quietly, she maneuvered herself into the air, and drifted leisurely to the other end of the massive (and massively empty) cargo compartment.