Looking Inside Amidst the Evil’s Harassment

March 02, 2012 | By a Falun Dafa practitioner in China

(Clearwisdom.net) Every time I have found my attachments by
“looking inside” and then gained a deeper understanding of the
Fa principles, I have deeply felt that “looking inside” is
indeed extremely intricate. It is a indeed a magical tool that
Master has given us; it’s a shortcut Master has given us on our
path of cultivation practice.

After I was released from the labor camp, the authorities
harassed me several times. Through looking inside, I quickly
identified the root of the problems, which was in me. As soon as I
rectified myself, the interference disappeared. Just as Master
said, “Remove your human thoughts and evil will naturally die out.”
(“Don’t Be Sad” in Hong YinII)

For example, the 610 Office had given a “logbook” to the
managers where I worked and ordered them “talk to me” routinely. I
didn’t even know about this logbook until six months later, because
nobody had “talked to me” during those six months. The “logs” were
all made up and contained nothing but social news. I saw my
attachment through the logbook, which was my interest in social
affairs. So I told myself to let go of that attachment, and the 610
Office never gave a logbook like that to my employers ever
again.

In another example, 610 Office personnel “bought” me dinner four
times. Three of those times they got reimbursed by my employer. I
realized that I had an attachment to getting things done by
chatting over dinner, and I was putting personal relationships
before principles. One day they tested me by asking if I would
agree to take a paid vacation and spend some time at a brainwashing
center to discuss religious issues with the professors there. I
said, “No. It would disturb my life and harm my reputation. In
addition, I have to look after a family member in poor health.”
Looking inside, I realized I was overly attached to discussing
things and lacked real cultivation. At the last dinner that they
“bought” me, I clarified the truth to them. Then they said,
“Feel free to practice at home.” That day, my employer refused to
reimburse them for the dinner bill, and they had to pay for it
themselves. They never bought me dinner again.

One day I got a phone call from the police station. The caller
said, “We don’t have any record of you (about the labor camp).
We’ll go to your home today. How about signing a document for us so
we’ll have a record?” I said, “No. I didn’t commit any crime. Your
visit would only harass me and my family.”

Hanging up the phone, I pondered, “Why would the police station
call me?” I realized it was because my determination to save
sentient beings involved in public security, the procuratorate,
and the judicial system was not as steadfast as before. Moreover, I
had almost wanted to give up on them. I realized this was wrong and
that I should have the same compassion as before and clarify the
truth to them. So I called back and said, “I will take off this
afternoon and go to your office; please wait for me.” The person
said, “You don’t have to do that and affect your work. You could
stop by briefly after dinner.” I said, “OK.”

I got home after work and told my husband I was going to clarify
the truth at the police station. He said, “OK. Come home soon.” I
discussed this with two other practitioners and they said, “We will
send forth righteous thoughts for you.”

Then I called the police station again. The person who answered
the phone said there was no one there by the name I asked for. I
told myself, “It was not Master’s arrangement then.” So I didn’t
go.

One day someone from the 610 Office came to my office to talk to
me. She said, “I suggest that you not interact with Falun Gong
practitioners anymore and do not encourage whoever you run into to
quit the Party anymore. What if someone betrays you? Also, do not
write to the Clearwisdom website and do not go out and distribute
truth-clarification materials. Don’t give the police department any
excuse to seize you; they are monitoring you. ”

I immediately realized my problems—I had been busy with everyday
work and had been studying the Fa less. I seldom interacted with
fellow practitioners. I lacked an understanding of “working as one
body,” and I had slacked off. In addition, my heart was guarded,
and I had an attachment to fear.

So I clarified the truth to her once again. I told her how
brutal the persecution of Falun Gong is and that the reason I go to
the police department to demand the release of my fellow
practitioners is because the practitioner could be tortured to
death. I told her why I practiced Falun Gong and what benefits I
have obtained. In the end, she said, “Feel free to practice at
home. I truly wish your family the best.” I thanked her.

Recently, propaganda posters defaming Dafa appeared on bulletin
boards and utility poles in my neighborhood. It was our
understanding that this occurred because of our attachments. For
example, I had a strong competitive mentality and zealotry, as well
as an attachment to validating myself. Several other practitioners
in the neighborhood had a strong attachment to fear and were afraid
to let the authorities know that it was us who removed the
defamatory materials. And some worried about the safety of family
members. However, there is nothing to be afraid of when it comes to
not allowing the evil to take advantage of our loopholes or to
manipulate people to commit crimes against Dafa. So we worked
together and destroyed the propaganda posters.

In my understanding, as a practitioner it is humiliating when
the evil constantly wants to “transform” me. Why is this
occurring? I realized that it happens every time I cannot let go of
my self or have developed a potentially rebellious attitude toward
Master. (I used to have a rebellious attitude toward all the forces
that could constrain or punish me.) I discovered this rebellious
mentality after Master gave me hints; otherwise I would never have
realized that I had such an evil attachment.

After so many years of cultivation practice, I realized that the
starting point of my thinking always seemed to be focusing on
myself, and very seldom on Master. Even when I was seized and held
in a labor camp, what was often in my mind was, “How can I break
out with righteous thoughts.” I always tended to validate myself,
and I have a strong attachment to doing things and vanity.

Through Fa study, I finally came to understand that our
attachment to ourselves is the true obstacle to Master’s
Fa-rectification, and this is the greatest selfishness that we must
remove. When my heart is all about Master and Dafa, I find myself
fearless in face of the evil, and my heart is filled with solemnity
and sacredness.