I lost everything when young! And this is the main issue of all my blogs! How to process this out! What tools do I use to become a human being again! Become myself once more!

Im starting to remember! All of my memories have been blocked! Now they are starting to come back! It was 2 painful in the past to have memories! I lost the family system that went with them!

I had no idea my father was temporary! I had no idea my mother would throw us away!

Im attempting to work through the damage of the rupturing of my personality and come back to life as me without someone else's money or houses or family backing! What would it feel like to be the real me again around people! Face to face! Being me again; secure!

How can I feel secure again after all I went through! I think its possible because of the rest of what I went through in recovery! Ive been in the recovery process for a long time! And Ive gained many experiences! It's not been free! Its been hard work!

Being in front of others in a secure way! this is what Im heading toward! feeling secure!

I felt secure when a boy at times because someone else was taking care of me! I would like to feel that way again! I think its possible! I think! Im on the verge of it! the verge of braking through to it!

lots of hard work on this one!

Standing in front of others being the real me; not a fake carbon fiber copy!