Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Well, it’s that time of the week again. Time to answer your burning questions. Though if your questions are burning, I suggest you see a doctor. It could be something serious like Meningitis and we most certainly do not want that. As usual, there are a lot of good questions this week. I’m particularly excited because I think I might actually be able to answer these. Ok, let’s all sign our waivers of liability and review the rules: no, taking notes, no putting any of my suggestions into practice unless I say otherwise, no cross checking my stories facts. Also, don’t share any of this with little kids or grade schoolers. They are almost as impressionable as I am. And with that, let the Q & A begin…just remember, this is too long to spell check…

Brandy is first off this week and she poses quite the challenge (that’s what she said, Bran) with not one, or two, or three, or even four, but five whole questions, as only the most excellent of teachers can do. Gulp, here we go…1. Favourite superhero?Well, I have created two different superheroes over the last year, so I am partial to those. But, I’m an Aquaman, uh, man. I’ve always liked him and I always liked swimming. Plus Aquaman had that cool bleached blonde hair that only swimmers get. I think he was the most underrated of the whole Justice League and he wasn’t voiced by Kasey Kasem, so he gets the nod in my book.2. Guilty pleasure? (you can discuss the Marilyn Monroe dress fitting here if you want).Uh no. That’s for your birthday and cameras are strictly prohibited!! I guess I’m not an exciting guy, because my guilty pleasure is either grilling lobster tails when alone or playing and singing along to classic country in my truck while driving with the volume so high that my ears ring and flinch for the next few days. Ok, all of that was just to make me look cool (did it work). My guilt pleasure is singing Kenny Rogers’ ‘Daytime Friends and Nighttime Lovers’ as loud as I can or all high parts in the Bee Gees songs from the ‘Saturday Night Fever’ soundtrack. Actually, after sharing this, I feel it’s more of an Embarassing Pleasure than a guilty one, but try it and you’ll be hooked.

3. Last lie you told?Easy. It was at work and was related to being asked the status of a project I am working on. See, I’m not actually working on it. Bwahahahaha. But I guess I’d better get started on it now that I’ve mentioned it publicly. Dangit!!!

4. Person who knows you best?Wow. I’d like to be mysterious and say no one, but then that would become my new answer to your question #3. Great question! Probably my best friend. We’ve known each other for a very long time and he just gets me. I also had a goldfish once that seemed to nod or shake his head when I asked him questions and he was only wrong like twice, but he died and I had to flush him down the toilet. He got stuck and the plunger kinda made it worse. You know what, let’s not talk about that right now…

5. Ahh!! You are locked in a room with a box of Q-tips, a mousetrap, a stick of gum and a mirror. Evil villians are standing outside the door in case you try to something funny. How do you escape?I’m thinking this is Bran’s patented ‘revenge’ question, or pregunta if you speak Spanish like I don’t. OK, I don’t remember which one, but I think it was Goldfinger. It was definitely a Connery Bond film (who dressed nowhere near as cool as Roger Moore with his butterfly collars and bell bottom slacks, by the way). In this particular Bond classic, he is locked in a cell. He finally gets the gurard to come in and somehow through the magic of cinema and pure Bondness, he ends up clinging upside down to the ceiling, even though he had no visible means of getting up there. He then attacks the guard, says something witty, saves the world and makes sweet Bond lovin’. Wow, I hope I didn’t blow the plot there for anyone. Any way, that’s what I would do to escape. I’d save the Q-tips for later (has anyone noticed how expensive they are getting). I’d use the mousetrap to slice me some cheese after I escape, I’d chew the gum and blow bubbles because that’s my thing and I’d check my hair in the mirror. Then I’d ignore my bosses right before the credits roll because Ursula Andress would be in major wow of me…

I like Patti’s question: ‘Speaking of dung (in reference to yesterday’s crappy post), is that where the word "dungarees" originated? It just hit me while reading. That could be a Tuesday Q & A question, I suppose, but I already contributed.Here’s the thing Patti. Since your blog comment ended in a question mark, I have to answer it. So, my answer is, I have no idea. Although I bet the chances are pretty good. Dungarees, or jeans, were worn by cowboys and cowboys probably feel in horse ‘stuff’ a lot. I think they were originally called Arees, but they kept getting dung on them and the name was lengthened because they proved to be dung resisitant. Hence the name Dungarees. Ok, I am going to regret ever typing this explanation some day.

Patti also asked1) Assuming Lucy is the older of your twins, and without getting too personal or nosy, my question is: Does Lucy get to open her birthday presents first?No, they open everything at basically the same time. Not having them do so makes things very, very ugly. Synchronizing the timing is a lot of work, but it’s well worth it. 2) We have learned that vanilla is your favorite flavor of ice cream. But what is your second favorite?BBQ Pork. I have an ice cream maker and am really tempted to try this one. It can’t be that bad. Although cold congealed fat does not sound that appealing. OK, Lime Sherbet it is!

Ralph, my BBQ brother in arms, posed a somewhat personal question. He asked ‘Is a guy's BBQ manhood determined by the depth of char on the grilled specimens.’First of all, I don’t think a guy’s manhood should ever get too close to the grill. Having said that, yes, perhaps that’s the most fair method. The more char, the worse the guy is at true ‘Q. Some guys just put the meat on the grill and it looks like it went through reentry from space. It’s a travesty!! Yes Ralph, that’s the new standard for good grill mastery. By the way, I never char my food…

My best blog buddy Odat asked about a favorite topic of mine: ‘Why is your dog named Mabel?’Well Odat, I wanted to name her Earnhardt, but was overruled, by two one and a half year olds!! I wanted something kind of southern and old fashioned (because Maybe Baby - that’s what I call her - is my first dog). Aunt Bee didn’t work, Mabelline only made me start singing the Chuck Berry song and Mabel just kinda stuck. She’s my 85 pound Golden Retriever lap dog. I put her in the dang recliner with me once when she was a puppy and she never got over it!!

Kat, who I could get into a lot of trouble with if we ever hit the town, said this: ‘Your blog cheers me up when I'm feeling blue. That isn't a question. That is a known fact.’Yes, I realize that is not a question, but seriously people, that’s one heck of an endorsement!!! Thanks Kat!

I am not very good at geography, but Airam posed a few geography questions. Well, ok, that’s a bit of a stretch, but is about someplace on a map….She asked ‘Is there really a Corona, California?Yes, Airam there is really a Corona, CA and yes Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. Sorry I cold not resist that. If you aren’t familiar with Southern California, let’s just say we are 25 minutes from Disneyland. Corona sits between Pabst, California and Michelob, California. If you are familiar with country music, Gretchen Wilson had a song last year called ‘California Girls,’ or something like that. In it she sings a line about ‘Sacramento to Corona.’ So see, because it’s in a country song, it’s real. We are at the border of Orange County. We are so close to there, you can actually see the Orange stripe of paint that marks where Orange County begins.

If so do they offer Corona beer in the cities water fountains there?No, the water tastes bad though and they let drunks sleep on park benches

Is Corona the beer of choice?There are parts of this town where I swear rubbing alcohol is the beer of choice!

Basically this is a question about beer. Are you drinking beer right now? You now owe me 2 dollars!’No, I cannot drink beer because of my heart medication. However I do like to put different flavors in my diet coke and when the caffeine kicks in, I am a riot! As far as the 2 dollar part, a lot of people have been asking me that. It’s puzzling because I was pretty sure that I specified I was not being truthful and had not real intention of paying anyone. I’ll give you a beer though…

AndreAnna, who could very well be my lost surrogate sister, asked two questions very near and dear to my heart. No not about the twins, about cheese!

‘What is your favorite type of cheese?’I should be fancy and say something like Havarti or Mizithra or Brie, but then I would by lying and that might discourage future Q & A participation. I’m a cheddar guy. I don’t know who originated cheddar, but I can tell you that it’s Latin for ‘Slow Yellow Death.’ Despite the morbid moniker, I still try to shoot up eat cheddar every day. It can be mild or it can be sharp, which ironically are the two classifications of chest pain that one experiences just prior to a heart attack. So, be careful with cheddar! AA also asked ‘Do you always prefer it melted?’Prefer yes, always eat it melted, now. There are just those times where you cannot get to a cheese melting device. I tried the hood of a car in a parking lot on a hot day once, but it got a little gooey and ran down the side of that car. It did not help that the owner walked out as I was licking it off his hub caps. He didn’t really care when I explained that his car was much cleaner than mine and therefore more suited to cheese meltation. And speaking of melting cheeses and such, I am now craving a trip to The Melting Pot! Maybe I’ll just go put a bunch of stuff in a bowl and melt it in the microwave. Do you think 22 minutes is long enough to melt it?

My neighbor down south, Frigga got some questions in this week. These are my mind bending questions, but I’m up to the challenge! HA HA!!

1. How do you fry coke?I’m not quite sure Frigga, but I plan on working on answering that tonight. However, if I don’t blog tomorrow, it’s because there was a horrible, horrible accident in my kitchen. I bet it’ll smell good though!!!2. How come when I'm really, really, really tired I can't fall asleep?Our bodies are weird things. When our brain realizes that we aren’t asleep, even though we should be, it works overtime to get us to sleep, which actually only keeps us more alert. However, don’t fear because there is a way to combat this. How do you feel about oxygen deprivation? It’s just a thought…

Ok, thanks everybody!! With a little luck, we’ll do it again next week!!

This is how I know you like you- you cite Bond films and credit Moore with his innate sense of style while others less, sophisticated just get distracted with the 'who is the best bond?' debate. Also, I agree, good superhero choice. Aquaman was pretty cute too, so you got that going for you.

Oh and can I just say that i'm insanely impressed that you are able to continue Q & A? I did it once and felt exhausted answering all the questions. You do such a good job. (And yes, this is me using flattery to ensure that T & A continues because I enjoy your answers)

Brandy: What can I say, Moore was the Bond I grew up with? I just love listening to the semi-disco era Bond music whenever the action builds! And I'm not being sarcastic here! Besides, he WAS funnier!! You, my lady, have great taste!

It is exhausting -- I just got up from a nap! And I think you meant Q&A instead of T&A, didn't you?? ;-)

Odat: Can I say that your mom has the greatest middle name, EVER??? :-)

Shadow: Can I get the recipes. This is not a joke comment, I being completely serious!

Your blog keeps getting better and better! Your older articles are not as good as newer ones you have a lot more creativity and originality now. Keep it up! And according to this article, I totally agree with your opinion, but only this time! :)

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Have any questions, comments, concerns, good jokes, blog post ideas I can steal, recipes that include melted cheese or want to hire me as a copywriter? Seriously, hire me as a copy writer. Notice it's no longer a question...Feel free to write me. I likes me the email! michaelmwc@sbcglobal.net