Conan O’Brien is taping in Atlanta this week. A great way to pander to the locals is praising their sports teams. In this case, it means having assistants shove jersey smocks of each local team on him. If he looks awkward in the GIF, it’s because he’s wearing his clothes and multiple jerseys. Also, because it’s Conan O’Brien. Hopefully they make a swing through Cincinnati as Conan in an Andy Dalton jersey would make sense by virtue of gingers.

Not every year you get the chance to sign an acceptable third-string quarterback by agreeing to clear 30% of his debt to the Cheesecake Factory, and in doing so, qualify for the restaurant chain’s VIP Membership Package. You can’t afford not to, really.

Having a great day? Everything coming up roses? Feeling like there’s nothing that could possibly go wrong?

Ready for all that to go hurtling into the screaming void of Rick Reilly’s stupidity?

“Tebow was on a plane that was refueling in Wichita when he saw the Shockers team bus, just after they made the Sweet 16, and asked head coach Gregg Marshall if he could come on board and address the team. They haven’t lost since.”

That’s right! The Shockers are making this amazing run BECAUSE TEEEEEEBBBOOOWWWWWWW

The amount that’s wrong here literally beggars belief.

What kind of narcissistic fucktard would think it’s within their provenance to ask their way on board the bus of a team that:

1. plays a different sport than he did and
R) attends a different university than he did?

What kind of craven coward then lets said narcissistic fucktard onto the bus to address his players?

And what kind of credulous, fairy-tale believing douchenozzle would assign any significance to this event?

They say it takes all kinds, and this proves that truer words were never spoken.

King always said Tebow was best on a neutral field in Wichitaw, now Reilly proves it. I wonder if Reilly is available for Kinglandia? Those two together might cause a Black Hole to form, sucking the planet to shreds.