Looking for a new job? Interested in working for a wealthy gay Libertarian who is BFFs with Donald Trump, believes injecting himself with the blood of young people will help him live to be 120 years old, and says “date rape” is really just code for “belated regret”? Then have we got the gig for you!

Billionaire Peter Thiel is looking to hire a “versatile, energetic and proactive” personal assistant who can help him with his daily responsibilities while running his business empire Thiel Capital.

According to the job listing, available on LinkedIn, Peter is looking for someone with a “positive, can-do attitude” who pays close “attention to detail” and has “the ability to multitask without letting anything slip, a willingness to travel, and a focus on personal tasks.”

You know, stuff like packing and unpacking his suitcases when he travels, “acting as a valet,” picking up his dry cleaning, scheduling his appointments, and making sure his bathroom is always fully stocked with his expensive “personal-care supplies.”

“You must exhibit a demonstrated ability to perform duties with a polished level of professionalism, tact, discretion, and judgement,” the listing demands. “While we expect a high level of accuracy, professionalism, and integrity, we also embrace light-heartedness, humor, and fun in our employees.”

Hmm. “Light-hearted,” “humorous,” and “fun” are not words we would use to describe Mr. Thiel, but–hey–maybe he’s a really nice guy behind closed doors?

The prospective employee must be available by phone and/or email 24/7, must be available to travel long distances on a minute’s notice, and should be able to anticipate Peter’s needs before he even knows he needs them.

We have no idea what the job pays, but it does include health, dental and vision, a 401(k), and a company cellphone, along with other “potential benefits.”

Mo Bro

The media led propaganda FOR certain clowns who don’t deserve it and AGAINST certain other people is exactly why Trump is in the White House, why Thiel is a billionaire and, why A CERTAIN MEDIA HYPED PERSON is hoping he emerges from bankruptcy being able to afford to continue to pay his “husband” his monthly allowance.

Peter Thiel is the “bad guy” compared to what?

February 6, 2017 at 6:02pm

DCguy

You can always tell when Marion has nothing. If she had names or facts she would have laid them out. But she didn’t so has to pretend that there is something there but it’s a secret.

Sorry Marion, you Failed.

February 7, 2017 at 9:02am

seaguy

He’s german so chances are good that he is well endowed so his politics aside he would make a good sugar daddy.

February 7, 2017 at 1:02am

Herman75

You mean he’d have an enormous SCHWANZSTUCKER !?!?

February 7, 2017 at 9:02am

suzanne_elliott

Fantastic work-from-home opportunity for everyone… Work for three to five hrs a day and start getting paiid in the range of 6,000-14,000 dollars a month. Weekly payments..54k

crowebobby

I lived in Berlin for 7 years and not even the hustlers are well hung . . . nor are the majority of the guys doing porn. I love Berlin and the Germans, but I can’t imagine where you got your information.

February 7, 2017 at 12:02pm

radiooutmike

He’s f***ing rich enough that he can buy all the inclusivity he needs. Too bad he’s a lizard because I do think he is attractive. Repugnant, yet attractive.

February 7, 2017 at 4:02pm

jason_evans

I would love to work for Peter Thiel. He’s a kind, gentleman who cares for people and for his country. It’s not as if I would say “Let me serve you, Peter. Buttocks up”.

February 8, 2017 at 8:02am

jason_evans

Are neck massages part of the deal? I would massage Peter on his lonelier nights….