Monday, July 10, 2017

I Shouldn't be this Unhappy Right Now (But I Am)

Here I am in Montreal, starting week 2 of a 2 week, well deserved vacation, and I am just shy of miserable. Just 4 days ago I was sitting on a bench in front of a Cheesecake Factory in the middle of a suburb and was happier in that moment that I had been in a very long time. I guess it's all a matter of perspective, circumstance, and perhaps some emotion.

Last week I spent 4 days in Chicago, a city I have been to and know that I like. Plus, someone very special to me lives in a suburb north of there and getting to see her in person again, well, it just made me really happy.

I picked Montreal for this week because I have heard so much about it, and it's a place I had never been. I was stoked at the prospect of going and a part of me is still stoked to be here, but there''s this darn hole that got made as a result of what I can't label anything but selfish absent-mindedness by my daughter's mother.

Kiddo's mom and I split years ago, but it's always been amicable, kiddo always comes first and we've always made sure to put kiddo's needs first. If either of us are planning to be away or anything, we let each other know out of courtesy and to be sure the other is watching over kiddo.

Now look, kiddo isn't so much of a kiddo anymore, she turns 19 in 2 weeks - but she's always going to be my little girl, you know? I plan myself this 2 week vacation, I haven't had a vacation in a while, I book the trips, then do the right thing by letting kiddo's mom know that I will be away and then she drops it on me that she was going to be away for a portion of that time as well.

Again, kiddo isn't a baby, I know she will be fine, but had I known, I might have either planned my vacation differently so that at least one of her parents was close by, or I might have brought kiddo to Montreal, which would have been awesome, because she's got more than a 2 word vocab in French.

I just feel awful that my kiddo is home and I am here.

I need to plan some stuff for the next few days so that I can keep busy and try to see some of the things that are special about this city. I did go out and eat poutine, I don't like it!