My method works…so far…1…pause, 2….pause, my boot, your ass at 3…it seems to work so far until they figure out how to call family services (fucking school guidance counsellors. Thank God guidance counsellors have kids too 😉

Never say no to your child? Is that _actually_ advice somebody gave someone? Or is that one of those silly pinterest things that look cute in heavily edited pictures, is nowhere near as simple as the wannabe martha stewart pinner let on, people try one time, and then we all have a good laugh at the ridiculous failure it turned out to be?

YES! That was my gramma! “I’ll basketball you!” “I’ll tetris you!” “I’ll jump-rope you!” “I’ll play doh you!” Okay gramma, come basketball me. I’d actually really like to see what that looks like. Hang on, wait, _KYLE COME HERE, GET THE CAMERA. GRAMMA’S GONNA “BASKETBALL” US. NO BRING THE CAMERA._ Ahh, we tortured my poor Gramma. That woman is a saint who somehow managed to raise something like 15 of us heathens, nearly on her own. I love you Gramma, even if you never did basketball me.

Omg my 3 year old at 1 used to tell me I was procrastinating when I was changing her diaper 😂😂😂 can say procrastinating and rhetorical question but can’t wipe her own ass 😂😂😂 I’m totally doomed. I say “totally” and have to double check my use of “your, you’re” Im scared for our future

I caught myself in the middle of negotiations saying “there is only ONE DIVA IN THIS HOUSE! ” ha you guys ever come out the box with something like that? And as you’re yelling you’re thinking…what da fuq am I even saying? F it, go with it, you’ve already started!