What to do with your life now that football is over

Wow what an end to the football season, a thrilling Super Bowl that went down to the wire and had us all on the edge of our seats. And best of all, the Patriots didn’t win! But now that football season is over, what are you going to do with all that free time? I’m here to help you make that decision.

Watch college basketball/the NBA/the golf/hockey

Can’t get enough of major universities and TV networks exploiting young men’s talents for massive profits? Well you’re in luck, because college basketball season is heating up! And just like college football and the NFL, there’s about 5 or 6 teams who can realistically win it all! Conference play is just getting started, so if you’re an Alabama fan (they’re actually OK this year!) you can watch them take on Auburn, who is very good this year, or whoever else you might hate, but get more upset when they lose more games in a week than the football team does all season.

The NBA is great if you love drama off the court and don’t actually care about watching the games; the golf is a bunch of mayo white guys who all look the same and hit it 350 yards on every drive but there’s a ton of those and every week the leaderboard is close; the NHL still exists and has a team in Vegas now that’s actually really good! I’d tell you to get into soccer but I don’t wish watching the MLS on anyone.

Drink

I mean, Trump has been in office a year, things aren’t getting better, and now the stock market is in a nose dive. There’s no football, it’s winter, and about the only thing we have to look forward to is spring coming in like, two months. Maybe drinking is too low on this list.

Take up a hobby

Shit, maybe it’s working out or getting off the couch and out into public more, I mean, we did just spend the past four-and-a-half months spending every Saturday and Sunday on the couch gorging ourselves on booze and tailgate food, sweating out some of that garbage may not be the worst thing.

Or if a workout isn’t your style, you can brew your own beer or something, maybe join a trivia league, go bowling, again it is winter, I don’t know what the hell there is to do in the winter other than be cold and complain about it.

Talk to you family and loved ones

I have no idea, I’m running out of ideas here. I’m sure your parents and husband/wife would like to hear from you in some form that isn’t, “WHY DON’T THEY JUST RUN THE DAMN BALL!?” And know what’s going on in your life outside of football.

Take a vacation

Remember that part about how it’s winter? Yeah, fuck that, get on a plane or a boat and go somewhere warm for a few days. Maybe you’ll like it so much you’ll never come back and you’ll work as a bartender at some weird bamboo hut bar for the rest of your life. I’m sure some place is running a cheap deal on airfare and hotels in a tropical location right now. Just be sure to avoid making the trip during the mid-March to early April part when college kids and families are on spring break. Unless you have to drag your kids to one of those things.

Figure out how to watch football year-round

Hear me out on this, but it’s possible.

The NFL season just ended, but you only have about three weeks until the most insane sport in the world, in terms of storylines, starts, and that’s minor league indoor football. Regional indoor football teams play exhibition games, then start their season for real in the very near-future with the Indoor Football League kicking off on February 23. (For a list of teams and leagues that may be near you, google Indoor Football League, Arena Football League, Champions Indoor Football, American Arena League, or National Arena League). It’s a surprisingly fun time in-person, is family friendly and affordable, and it’s always fun to see someone from Florida State or whatever other regional big college nearby that makes you stop and think, “Wait, that’s what happened to him? How’d he end up with the Carolina Destroyers?”

The Arena Football League and other minor leagues starts in in the coming weeks and its season runs most of the summer, which then leads into the CFL season, which, like indoor football, is more fun than you think it is, and has plenty of famous American college players to keep you interested. That season lasts forever, and leads right back into the start of college football season.

Just repeat this process every year and you’ll never go without football again!