Karkat's thoughts were completely and utterly scrambled. His hand was placed under a plastic platter, walking to a table and placing it down. It had proved to be hard to get a job in a dimension that existed out of racists, but they were in desperate need of work and he was in desperate need of a break of Terezi and his guardian. They were a completely unorthodox family, to be honest. Most trolls didn't even have a parent, they just had they're lusus. But since they moved to the human world and were unable to afford a place of their own, they were assigned a full-grown troll that was of no use in war. What a lovely race they had created, seriously. He felt lucky enough to have met other trolls within Vicious. He wasn't quite as grateful for knowing Gamzee anymore but god he was very grateful for knowing Sollux. But it switched on a daily basis and he only disliked Gamzee because he was a buttpain when it came to relationships piling in ends. And he had strongly disliked Sollux for a while when their relationship had come to an end, but busted himself sending a text to him not even a month later. Shame, shame. But he hadn't met up with him in a while, afraid that he would punch him on more than one occasion and end up being beat up by Sollux who was so much taller than him. He had to look up when he was talking to him. The time he had spent without that guy was kinda brutal. He had a serious case of anhedonia, defined as the inability to experience any joy from activities that were usually very pleasurable. Hobbies, social interaction (though I guess, for Karkat that had never been something to be completely happy about) and such. Since the previous evening, things had only become more confusing. Not for the other troll, but for Karkat. He had busted himself on multiple thoughts or actions throughout the evening, even going so far as to in fact - without a doubt, really - be checking out Sol's ass. He was such a creeper sometimes. God it was so complicated that he could barely even work. 'T was not because he didn't need anyone but if he had to choose between Sol and everyone, he'd probably end up with him for the rest of his life. It might have been a very selfish thought, but it was the only thing he could think about. Sollux was the only one he would ever approve of, despite his drinking and stuff like that. Sollux probably didn't realize what he meant to him, not a fucking clue. He owned his life to the guy. If he couldn't have gone to Sollux when his guardians were fighting, he would have ended in the gutter. And in a way, the only thing he felt he could do to repay Sollux was assure him that he wasn't half as horrible as he thought. Because Sollux thought even worse of himself than Karkat thought of himself, not even knowing if it was possible. It was Sollux who had believed he would pull through and risked everything for him. Nobody wanted to talk to him or whatever, because he was so pissed and angry and violent. Maybe that was his way of repaying him, telling him how much he cared. Not even with words, but with deeds. But he could never repay Sollux, what he had for Karkat done was way more. Though they were both kind of weird and messed up, in a way they seemed to compliment each other. He did what he felt like when he was with him and never thought about it. He'd do anything to have him right here, right now. It had taken a long time to see love there in the scab where Sollux had pinched his leg. But the fights between the two got so intense that he ended up saying that the troll had taken it too far. He had also written a text that said the following, words he knew by heart: "know that I don't hate you, and know that I don't want to fight you. And I will always love you, but right now I just don't." But it had been to difficult to send so he just deleted it and moved on. He could still remember how much he had lol'd with Sollux when Egbert told them about the human concept "gay". It was so weird that they even had a word for it. The idea was so foreign. Trolls had never made a difficult thing about males with males and females with females. It seemed like such an odd thing to get mad about. He had had the good life with Sollux, but all came to an end.And then Gamzee came along. Completely in love, falling free, trying his best not to forget what had happened to them, what had happened to him. Confused by the power that be, forgetting names and faces. But still, when he slept and Gamzee was beside him, he found himself wondering if feelings could go away. Did you stop caring for someone, or did you stop caring for the fights? Did you stop caring for someone, or was the battle too hard to take? He guessed that in a particular, you just stopped caring for the battle all together. It wasn't worth it. But he was a competitive person and he needed somebody who would battle him all the way along. But he still remembered the ever-sweet moments he had had with Sollux, despite their constant bickering. Or well, Karkat's constant bickering.He remembered every kiss. The way that when they both needed to catch breath, Sollux would lean his forehead against Karkat's and they would stare at each other. Without words, but still knowing exactly what they were both thinking. He remembered Sollux's warm breath clinging around his face. How his own eyes started widely at Sollux, the only time he had had some sort of innocence. How he would end everything by slipping away from Sollux's head and nuzzle his head into the other male's chest. His arms would delicately rap around Sollux and create fistfuls of his shirt as he tugged them softly. He remembered how Sollux' fingers softly run through Karkat's thick black hair. And most of all, he remembered the ever lasting question. How stupid had he been to never have seen it? To never have noticed that Sollux had felt for him, and that Karkat cared so incredibly much for him too? The comfort that the male gave had spent ages just sitting feet away. It had been almost too good to believe, almost too hard. He had finally found something worth living for, something that made him.. well, feel alive. He remembered. He remembered all of it.And at that moment he got interrupted by a client. Probably for the best. If it had've gone on longer he would've done something he would have regret. Like calling or texting Sollux a big story about how much he cared and pfff god it was just better left alone. "What?!" he barked, as she stared at him for a second and then placed her order. He shoved her a coffee after having made it and she thanked him shyly, to which he waved as a sign that he really didn't care. Stupid woman. She had totally messed up his dicky thoughts about Sollux. Dicky meant very literally, of course. Ahaha. No, he kids, he kids. But seriously, if he had to go and be all fangirl-y about something, it would be Sollux. As a person, you had to admit he was kind of hot. In a way Karkat didn't quite understand though. But he would never ever talk to Sollux like he used to. It was too complicated now. He couldn't just come crawling back because his most recent love interest got fucked up. He simply couldn't. What would Sollux think of him? It'd probably end up being hate. How stupid it sounded to say that.. but still, he couldn't stand the thought of Sollux hating him. And not in a kismis way - though he had always thought of Sollux as his matesprit. He gently wiped across the glass of the cup with the towel as his thoughts got processed. Sollux was always there, no matter what. He would talk to him when he was stressed or freaked and make him feel.. well, fine. He had never wanted it any other way. He forgave him so much and would kiss him whenever he was mad at his family, and love him even when he was a mess. He would never find somebody quite the same as the troll. They were kind of destined for each other. Despite trolls being a war-loving race and usually the opposite of peaceful, they were very into the belief that everybody had a soulmate. And Karkat strongly believed that Sollux was his, but he was too much of a pussy to straight up say it. He was really somebody who just.. well, avoided confrontation. The first time around was so different. When he was hanging out with Sollux it was all chill, until Sollux made a pass at him and he realized that each thought he had had weren't quite.. the same as normal best-friends thoughts. And so Sollux was the one who started things up between them. And Karkat was the one who broke it down, with the terrible tyranny that was himself. And he could shoot himself for it. Fuck, he had really messed up. Al he wanted to do was wrap his arms around Sollux and take fistfuls of his T-shirt, tug it and then have Sollux's arms wrap around his torso. Despite their everlasting rivalry, he had learned to care for Sollux more than he remembered. Perhaps all those stupid human quotes were true, and it really was correct that you didn't quite realize what you had until it was gone. Fuck man, fuck it. It's not something you would expect from him, but he was kind of sentimental when it came to Sollux. It wasn't uncommon for him to be all.. pff touchy-feely with him and for Sollux to mention that 'he wa'th th'uch a baby' and for Karkat to reply with his everlasting but very effective "FUCK YOU". Man, couldn't you just feel the love? Dripping off it like sweat off a zebra ass on a scourging hot summer day. When his shift was over, he walked towards the coats and grabbed his black leather jacket. Over time he had learnt about human ways of doing things. In fact, he could barely even remember how trolls fucked. There was the human way of doing it and that was mostly what he ended up doing. But also simple things. Human food, human fashion, human tv-programming and so on. He was addicted to sappy love stories such as Fifty First Dates and Must Love Dogs. All of that kind of things, he loved it. Whenever Sollux walked in he would make some snobby comment or a snide giggle, to which Karkat would reply with a annoyed tone of voice "PROBLEM?" and Sollux would shake his head, usually pushing Karkat's head forward so he could snuggle down behind him. He missed it about Sollux. Sollux may have been one lousy chair to rest on, but he was the best boyfriend to rest on. God there was this massive amount of affection cropped up and he really needed to get rid of it, as soon as possible. He put his black leather jacket on and zipped it up. He didn't bother to say goodbye to his co-workers and just stepped outside, in the cold. He had put on his scarf too and buried most of his face in it, as he walked onwards. Damn, it was cold..