ORIGINALLY POSTED ON YODELINGMAMAS.COM
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It starts with a trembling lip. Followed by a death-grip hug. Then, he erupts. “Don’t leave me! I need you!”

It’s been about 3 years since I went back to work after my first son was born, but leaving him each morning hasn’t gotten any easier. Probably because inside, I’m feeling all the same sadness and anxiety that he is, but I’m not supposed to let it show.

We’ve had different childcare situations—a nanny share, a small in-home daycare, our own nanny—and each one presents different challenges and opportunities for my son. But one thing remains the same, his separation anxiety.

At 6 months old, it was simply crying. At about 18 months, the begging and pleading began. Last week, at almost 3-1/2 years old, he added a new trick to the mix. He climbed into the car—while crying so hard he couldn’t speak—and grabbed onto it as I was trying to pull out of the driveway. When I got home that evening, my wonderful nanny said exactly what his other caretakers have said, “Within 30 seconds he was fine, laughing and playing.”

While it’s flattering to feel so loved and needed, it’s heartbreaking to see your little one suffer. So after a lot of research, I’ve found some coping techniques that make most days a bit easier. It helps to talk about the plan for the day before his nanny arrives. I reassure him that his nanny will make him laugh and teach him all kinds of amazing new things (and she does!). I tell him that I’ll be missing him and let him express that he’ll miss me. We have a goodbye routine. He walks me out to the car, gives me one kiss and one hug, then I roll down the window as we wave and say our goodbyes. All of these things seem to give him—and me—a bit more control over our emotions.

As he’s getting older, he copes much better. There are still rough mornings, but in the evening, I’m rewarded. My heart overflows when I pull back into the driveway, see his face light up and hear his sweet little voice shout, “Mommy!” All he has time for is one hug and one kiss as he tells me all about how wonderful his day was.

Oh, and did I mention my 10-month-old son now starts to cry as he see me getting ready to walk out the door in the morning? Here we go again…