Thursday, 17 November 2011

Treatment, Anger and Celine Dion

I finally started my treatments today. The trial drug/placebo duly coursed through my veins – not much reaction apart from a vague odd taste in my throat and a few twinges in my back. These of course could be wishful thinking and imagined! Saw my friend Mavis who is a few weeks ahead of me on this trial – she kept the seat warm for me. What a star that lady is and a big support to me. The staff in the chemo unit were so friendly and genuinely interested in the trial. Karen (research nurse) came and said hello too. Alan stayed with me as I am a bit of a wuss when it comes to needles. The drive home coincided with rush hour and being driven on unlit motorways is not good for my blood pressure! I took my chemo pills when I got home. So we wait for them to kick in. I will give an update next week.

Have been doing a lot of thinking lately and what I really hate about my cancer is the way it has completely taken over not just my life but that of Alan too. Everything now seems to revolve about hospitals and appointments and treatments and waiting for results and more blood tests and scans and ......

Also for the first time since I met Alan (43 years ago) we are pussy footing around each other and thinking before we speak. I don’t want to say things that can be taken as ‘negative’ and Alan doesn’t want to say anything that I might ‘take the wrong way’. Hate it! I guess we are in our own ways trying to protect each other.

I was listening to Celine Dion in the car coming home. I share with you this song as it was so appropriate for how I felt at the time.

Love doesn't ask why
It speaks from the heart
And never explains
Don't you know that
Love doesn't think twice
It can come all at once
Or whisper from a distance

I am glad that the trial has finally started Tess, fingers crossed for you that you have the real drug and not the placebo. I can't begin to imaging how you are Alan are coping with this. You are both in my thoughts and prayersBeryl x

I have no words to say what I am thinking only that I am so full of admiration for both you and Alan. I am praying that this treatment works for you and that you can both get on with your livesTrish xx

Tess --Ray speaking here I am glad you are takingthe trial drugs with little hassle. I know what you mean about pussy footing about.. All i can say is yes gaurd what you say to each other. But above all be honest with each other. As long as you are honest then you should not hurt each other.As the treatment progresses i am sure it gets a little easier. As I say to mavis whats 2 days a week spent in hospitals we still have the other 5 together. Those 2 days are worth it just to geive us the 5.Chin up . See you next week.