The New Path to Success: From Summer School to Community College

Schools these days: what are they even doing? It used to be that the American school system was little more than a warehouse where we shoved our youngest and therefore most criminal citizens until they reached the age of 18, at which time we sent the cockiest of them off to college to be enslaved by debt for the rest of their lives, and sent the rest off to menial jobs, where they'd keep our capitalist system running with their very souls for very little reward, and be tricked into voting Republican, while doing so.

But who can get a menial job any more?

These days, we cram every last high school student into summer school, so they're not out wandering the streets jobless, during the daytime, at least. The ones who can successfully navigate that ordeal are still, of course, too poor for a real college, so the majority of kids now head off for community college. And what, pray tell, do they learn during their two years in these fine, state-run institutions? They learn to get the hell out of the state as fast as possible, if they ever want to learn anything else. Ungrateful little punks.