Penile Servitude

Here in the State of North Carolina, we just got news of another tuition hike. Out-of-state students will be hit with a twelve percent tuition increase. Even with this latest increase, we won’t be able to pass all of our debt on to the out-of -state students. The reason for that is simple: with every tuition increase, there is a corresponding increase in our commitment to trivial political causes sponsored by non-academic university offices.

Put simply, UNCW and other UNC system campuses will never solve their financial woes until they shut down offices like the LGBTQIA Office. The latest email I received from them shows how intellectually vacuous these offices are and why forcing taxpayers to fund them borders on cruel and unusual punishment. Here’s a sample from that email:

“Most states separate prisoners by genitalia alone, so pre-op, transgendered women are placed in men’s correctional facilities where they find themselves vulnerable and prayed {sic} upon. Cruel and Unusual is a frank, often unsettling documentary, that portrays the challenges faced by these women.” Let me stop and translate what we have so far. The LGBTQIA Office is saying that it is a “problem” when a man who wants to get a sex change (but hasn’t yet) is housed in a men’s correctional facility. The fact that he has decided that he is really a woman makes him “vulnerable” and at risk of being “prayed upon.” So what’s the solution to the problem? Well, first of all, we need to start showing films to university students informing them about the “problem.” But this is where the real problem begins for the taxpayer.

Most documentary films can be purchased for about $10. However, when university officials show films at university events, things get more complicated. Because of licensing agreements, the documentary will end up costing several hundred dollars. These film showings are often attended by only a few students. Therefore, the film showing often ends up costing more than it would have cost to purchase and give each student a personal copy of the DVD.

But that isn’t where the expenses end. Of course, you have to have an office set up on campus, which will be in charge of organizing the events and sending out the emails. And that gets somewhat expensive. Because the UNCW campus is now overpopulated with these non-academic centers, we have literally run out of room on campus. In addition to the LGBTQIA Office, we have a Women’s Resource Center, an African American Center, and an El Centro Hispano. Making room for these offices has resulted in university business offices being moved off campuses into private office space. The university has to pay monthly leases on this space. That is one of the reasons why student tuition is high and getting higher.

And let’s not forget about the other expenses. The university has to buy new computers and desks to put in the offices that have been converted for political use. I once walked by the African American Center and saw the former director sitting back in her chair watching her favorite midday TV programming on a very nice flat screen TV. It was nicer than any TV you’ll find in the home of the average taxpayer. And let’s not forget the taxpayer. They’re vulnerable and often “prayed upon.” Maybe we need to start preying for them!

Nor should we forget that most of these offices have directors who used to be professors. The time they are spending watching TV in their offices and organizing showings of $300 DVDs to ten students is time they are not spending in the classroom. The university usually has to hire less qualified adjunct professors to replace them. And tuition keeps climbing. Any questions about why college is getting more expensive before we proceed with the next portion of the LGBTQIA Office email? Good, here goes:

“The women’s stories are interwoven with commentary by lawyers and prison custodians who discuss the problems transgender inmates face, chief among them is the authorities’ complete refusal to recognize Gender Identity Disorder as a legitimate medical condition.”

I for one am ecstatic about “the authorities’ complete refusal to recognize Gender Identity Disorder.” The authorities in the LGBTQIA Office would like to force the prison authorities to respect GID. That would be a huge mistake because it would be subject to fraud. I know that if I were sent to prison and concerned about being sodomized I would suddenly develop a case of GID. That way, I could just transfer to the women’s prison and score with all the women! By the way, I hear convicted felons are usually pretty easy to get into the sack!! I say you should do the time, and don’t let the time do you!!!

In all seriousness, our society has long accepted the idea that ignorance of the law is no excuse. The law recognizes that to do otherwise would invite widespread fraud. Similarly, forcing prison authorities to accept GID would invite fraud and undermine the legitimacy of our penal institutions. Reasonable people have to agree on this one. But when we aren’t dealing with reasonable people, we need a little perspective. And here it is:

When a man has his penis surgically removed, it will not transform him into a woman any more than reattaching it to the small of his back will transform him into a dog. The inmates just need to learn to conform to what nature and society both dictate, so to speak. Prisons are not there to encourage diversity. They are there to encourage conformity. In fact, that is their principal purpose.

Now back to the irrationality:

“Disturbing evidence suggests that thirty percent of all transgender people have been imprisoned – three times the national average. Eye opening in the depictions of the blatant discrimination transgender people endure, this documentary will leave you with much to think about.” Actually, it won’t leave me with much to think about.

I know that the reason transgendered people are more likely to be imprisoned is that they commit more crimes. Put simply, the tendency to rebel against nature is positively correlated with the tendency to rebel against society. And, no, we don’t need a government grant to study the issue any more than we need another study showing that black men are both far more likely to be imprisoned and far more likely to commit crimes than white men.

Nor do we need a government study to show that the way to reduce the cost of college is to stop giving money to administrators to promote insignificant issues instead of doing the job they were hired to do, which is to teach. What we need are voices of sanity calling for the closure of non-academic offices siphoning money out of the classroom and into the realm of identity politics.

Maybe some of these felons who plan to relinquish their genitals will consider donating them to the local university. I know some university presidents who could use a new pair. And I know some taxpayers who are tired of getting the shaft. Present author included.

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