You have heard of the war between the felines and the canines, now I shall tell you of the war between the snakes and the lizards, that continues to this very day (at night, in the daytime it's too fucking hot in the desert for any war)

Hundreds of years ago, back when no human in their right mind wanted to live in the god forsaken wasteland known now as Arizona, there lived a small tribe of Diamondback rattlesnakes (they got lost on the way to the mountains, shut up.... who's telling this story anyway)
Snakes being a fairly independent group back then, there wasn't much in the way of formal leadership, however there was one snake that all the others respected, and even feared. His name was One-eye the bastard (Snakes are dicks when it comes to names, what can I say)

Old One-eye was the largest and most impressive snake that any of the others had ever seen, and he had a nasty temper to boot, but he was by far the oldest snake around so most of the other tribes of the desert showed him respect.

Well, one day, when old one-eye was slithering out of his home, he approached a young lizard by the name of Zedd. Zed wasn't the largest lizard, but he was the most feared, and he had never lost a fight. When he had heard of Old One-eye he resolved to beat him and preserve his legacy as the Baddest reptile on the planet.

As soon as Zedd saw One-eye, he pounced, trying with all his lizardly might to strangle that snake to the ground. One-eye, however had learned a few tricks in his time, and responded by rolling on top of zedd, pining him to the hot desert floor. Try as he might though, he could not dislodge the tenacious lizard, so, thinking quickly, he shot back into his hole (dug perfectly to just allow him to pass) scraping the lizard off like soo much discarded skin.

Zedd was astonished, and immediately kneeled before One-eye, hailing him as the greatest fighter that had ever lived. He had not accounted for One-eye's appetite however, and the kneeling lizard proved too tempting a meal for one-eye to ignore. so he gobbled him up.

Now it must be said, that when a lizard spends all of his time fighting instead of sunbathing, that he get's a bit chewy, and loses a lot of the flavor that One-eye so loved, so disgusted, One-eye spit him back out, which was considered something of a major insult (way way worse than "Your mother's a tree-frog")

Zedd ran off, and gathered the rest of his tribe to attack one-eye, in order to get vengeance for that most heinous insult. They came upon One-eye's lair at the break of dawn, and started scratching and biting him, but One-eye was just too tough too bite through, it was like they were chewing rocks. As the sun rose higher and higher up, Zedd herd a rustling, as if the very floor was alive. risking a chance to take a look, he ventured his head out of One-eyes lair and saw hundreds of snakes, all coming towards him and his kin.

Zedd knew that he was in trouble, but resolved to at least take down One-eye with him, he went back on the offensive, warning his kin to run and hide (Because most lizards are kinda cowardly like that) However it was too late, the snakes were already here, and had blocked off all the exits.

As the serpent tribe advanced on the lizard tribe, Zedd begged to parlay, however his words fell on deaf ear-holes, as the snakes just kept advancing.

Finally Zedd was going to lose his last fight it seemed, he resolved to die like he lived, angry and crazy, so he attacked the entire snake tribe himself, giving his life in order to give his people a chance to escape, which, in all the confusion, they did.

Forever after there has been a deep hatred between the serpent tribes and the lizard tribes, which continues to this day

Say my name and his in the same breath, I dare you to say they taste they same.

You have heard of the war between the felines and the canines, now I shall tell you of the war between the snakes and the lizards, that continues to this very day (at night, in the daytime it's too fucking hot in the desert for any war)

Hundreds of years ago, back when no human in their right mind wanted to live in the god forsaken wasteland known now as Arizona, there lived a small tribe of Diamondback rattlesnakes (they got lost on the way to the mountains, shut up.... who's telling this story anyway)
Snakes being a fairly independent group back then, there wasn't much in the way of formal leadership, however there was one snake that all the others respected, and even feared. His name was One-eye the bastard (Snakes are dicks when it comes to names, what can I say)

Old One-eye was the largest and most impressive snake that any of the others had ever seen, and he had a nasty temper to boot, but he was by far the oldest snake around so most of the other tribes of the desert showed him respect.

Well, one day, when old one-eye was slithering out of his home, he approached a young lizard by the name of Zedd. Zed wasn't the largest lizard, but he was the most feared, and he had never lost a fight. When he had heard of Old One-eye he resolved to beat him and preserve his legacy as the Baddest reptile on the planet.

As soon as Zedd saw One-eye, he pounced, trying with all his lizardly might to strangle that snake to the ground. One-eye, however had learned a few tricks in his time, and responded by rolling on top of zedd, pining him to the hot desert floor. Try as he might though, he could not dislodge the tenacious lizard, so, thinking quickly, he shot back into his hole (dug perfectly to just allow him to pass) scraping the lizard off like soo much discarded skin.

Zedd was astonished, and immediately kneeled before One-eye, hailing him as the greatest fighter that had ever lived. He had not accounted for One-eye's appetite however, and the kneeling lizard proved too tempting a meal for one-eye to ignore. so he gobbled him up.

Now it must be said, that when a lizard spends all of his time fighting instead of sunbathing, that he get's a bit chewy, and loses a lot of the flavor that One-eye so loved, so disgusted, One-eye spit him back out, which was considered something of a major insult (way way worse than "Your mother's a tree-frog")

Zedd ran off, and gathered the rest of his tribe to attack one-eye, in order to get vengeance for that most heinous insult. They came upon One-eye's lair at the break of dawn, and started scratching and biting him, but One-eye was just too tough too bite through, it was like they were chewing rocks. As the sun rose higher and higher up, Zedd herd a rustling, as if the very floor was alive. risking a chance to take a look, he ventured his head out of One-eyes lair and saw hundreds of snakes, all coming towards him and his kin.

Zedd knew that he was in trouble, but resolved to at least take down One-eye with him, he went back on the offensive, warning his kin to run and hide (Because most lizards are kinda cowardly like that) However it was too late, the snakes were already here, and had blocked off all the exits.

As the serpent tribe advanced on the lizard tribe, Zedd begged to parlay, however his words fell on deaf ear-holes, as the snakes just kept advancing.

Finally Zedd was going to lose his last fight it seemed, he resolved to die like he lived, angry and crazy, so he attacked the entire snake tribe himself, giving his life in order to give his people a chance to escape, which, in all the confusion, they did.

Forever after there has been a deep hatred between the serpent tribes and the lizard tribes, which continues to this day

I shall now regale you all with the history of the great leopard/dog war of 1988 (two years after the fluffy/spot feud)

the general for the leopards was one Mittens M fluffypants, a world-renown general and a hero to feline armies everywhere. He had a plan to attack all the doghouses in quick succession, on May 2nd (forever after referred to as L Day)

All was going well, however General Scooby D. Doo knew his enemy's plans, due to a spy (a bull mastiff wearing a leopard costume) who had infiltrated the highest ranks of Leopard command, so they were prepared.

the counter-attack launched by the dog forces was nothing short of a stork of genius, lobbing ham sammiches and catnip into the ranks of the leopard enlisted, and due to a treaty with the band "Twisted Sister" was able to lead the officers of the leopard army straight into an ambush, at the great battle of titzapoppin.

Of course this defeat was too much to take, so the leopards ran away to the jungles, and the Dog's, being peaceful at heart, allowed them to retreat, instructing that no dog shall ever again step into a jungle area.

Say my name and his in the same breath, I dare you to say they taste they same.