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Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Everyone on the Bachelor is Stupid

Hit in the face with a tree much?
Great name!

Last time Brad Womack was the Bachelor, he behaved throughout the whole season like a large piece of lumber. He displayed the emotional range of an paralyzed musk ox. Seriously. He left two girls standing on a hillside, looking like leaky idiots, as he staggered off into the sunset with the same flatironed expression that he had on the night he met them. I think he even might have said, "It was so nice to meet you" as he shut the door on their limos.

Which is the same thing he said to the thirty new women he met on the Bachelor this week. Because he is back, having spent three years in commitmentphobe therapy. In therapy he learned to say, "I'm a changed man" and "I am here for the right reasons" and "I have been in therapy for three years." Fortunately he still knows how to awkwardly greet women by saying "Can I get a hug" and "It's so nice to meet you." When I say he behaved exactly the same way he acted last time, I am not exaggerating. I am a lovesick female. I notice.

Did one single one of these girls stand up and say, "Sorry, you're an inanimate object. And plus you're stupid. I'm leaving!"? No. They are all willing to give him another chance. They are all so desperate, so driven by loneliness or fame-greed or enslaved to inertia that they stand there, hoping, crying, waiting for a rose. Some of them got them. They were excited. Some of them didn't. They were sad.

Could they possibly be any more stupid? Single women are fucking ridiculous. I'm ashamed of myself by association.

1 comment:

Thanks for the link! Great blog. I've never watched The Bachelor before, but I just joined a Bachelor Fantasy League that my friend organized -- you draft the women to be on your team and put money into the pot. I think it'll be hilarious, but I have no idea how to pick who's likely to win...