Avoiding the "Friend Zone"

Another member posted a thread here about his experience with the Friendzone. Over the years, I've had to combat the friendzone several times. Here
is what I have learned on avoiding it, through lots of heartbreak.

Sorry to the ladies out here, this will be from a guy's perspective.

Once you find that you have romantic feelings for a friend, there is really only on way that I've found to deal with it. If it's just a "crush"
you'll eventually get over without much heartache, however when you love that person, you get that feeling in the chest whenever you see her, or even
think about her, if that feeling is strong enough, then it won't just go away.

What to do: Just come out ant tell her. Tell her how you feel, if she says something along the lines of "but you're just a friend" or the worst
"you're like my brother" or if she gets awkward and uncomfortable, then you need to make it clear that because of your feelings, that you should
spend less time together, or completely apart for that matter. In this, you may have an "Ace in the hole", though, the chances are small, the Ace I
speak of is the old axiom "absence makes the heart grow fonder". If you are close friends, and there is a time period of not being around each
other, she may realize how she actually feels about you. If she doesn't, you will eventually get over your romantic feelings for her, and you can be
friends again.

The last thing you want is to be in the friendzone, it will cause nothing but heartache for you. You will see her be treated by by several guys and
think "why am I not good enough? I'd never do that."

A woman can make the decision to "friend zone" a guy in the first 30 seconds upon meeting. Make it count, dudes. If you don't impress initially,
you're forever friended. No way out. Even if she ends up pity-sleeping with you, it'll just make things worse for both of you.

You need to ask yourself when socializing: Am I looking for a bedroom companion or a friend? If it's a bedroom companion you seek, act the part.
Maybe one of those women will also be worthy of friendship and thus a relationship. Sexual attraction HAS to come first.

"Friend-Zone" and developing feelings for a female friend over time are entirely separate concepts.

Generally, women categorize men under 2 possible labels: friend and lover. If you're a girl's friend, it is very hard to transition into her lover.
It can also be very creepy. You shouldn't develop feelings for friends, especially if they are out of desperation. If you're motives are to sleep
with a girl, do not try to become her friend initially. You put her in a difficult position and often end up destroying the relationship between the
two of you.

Getting friend-zoned, then, is simply being categorized under the "friend" label, meaning the girl doesn't find you to be a sexual threat.
Basically, it means that you're not conveying to her that you are interested in her sexually, and so she figures you want to be friends with her.
Don't mislead her, and don't mislead yourself.

Originally posted by DestroyDestroyDestroy
Basically, it means that you're not conveying to her that you are interested in her sexually, and so she figures you want to be friends with her.
Don't mislead her, and don't mislead yourself.

I understand your perspective, and am sorry for the heart ache you've experienced.

Now from a female perspective, I have found it very awkward and somewhat annoying to have a long time friend confess their feelings. I have had this
happen countless times and all it has done was made me question their integrity over the entire period of friendship. Had their motives been that way
all along?

Unless the person has given you REASON to think the feeling is mutual like some chemistry or flirtation even, then back off. Why ruin a perfectly good
friendship? I often see women give mixed signals to their male companions and could very well understand why they would be confused and in no way is
right.

Consider what you're losing. I'd say 90% of the scenarios i've seen relevant to yours end up not friends at all.

Well, I could say that risking a friendship over misguided feelings is selfish.
What i'm saying is that your feelings aside, if a person has given you no hint or sign that they are interested, why make a move? To get the weight
off your own shoulders by passing it along to the person of interest? The selfishness can go both ways here, but from personal experience, I am not
friends with any of those people to this day.

I'm pretty sure with basic knowledge of body language and even verbal ques, you'd be able to figure out if a person potentially is interested in you,
no?

best way to avoid the friend zone. make a move on ur first date(doesn't have to lead to sex, could just be a kiss), and if you know this girl in a
life situation(work, school, ect) get her on a date asap and make a move on that first date. the more you wait the further you fall into the friend
zone. and once you get too deep its impossible to get out. trust me i met a pretty girl in 3rd grade and she became my friend and by the time i was
old enough to realize i wanted her we were so deep in the friend zone there was no chance of getting out of it. should of made that move behind the
hand ball courts when i had a chance lol.

You are equating expressing your feelings with selfishness when it actually takes alot of courage to do so. Every interaction between a man and female
friend is not love at first sight. A sexual attraction is not always enough to base a relationship on. It takes time to get to know people and perhaps
after some time your male friend feels that all the cards are in place and now is the proper time to say something. No one is staying friends for
years on end just for an unfulfilled sexual attraction. Most likely your friend thinks there could be something better on the horizon, so try not
question their motives.

OP's advice is solid. Everyone should remember that the reason this world is such a mess is most everyone is scared to express their true feelings
because of the repercussions, thus we stay committed to this fantasy land. Its called sinning by silence and life is too short.

Originally posted by RooskiZombi
I often see women give mixed signals to their male companions and could very well understand why they would be confused and in no way is right.

Which is why face to face communication is always the best. If a woman is confused to the point where mixed signals come in, you'll be able to tell.
If given the choice to take stock in that versus second hand innuendo's, talking through other people to avoid the "awkwardness" of being up-front,
I'll take the awkwardness any day of the week. It's the mature thing to do, it leaves no room for error and, me being the perfectionist I am, you
can leave your innuendo's where you found them. They mean nothing to me. Innuendo's are for teenagers still learning how to play the game.

Friend zone.....something more.....those questions pale in comparison to how those situations are established in the first place. I'm with the OP
here......communicate directly and honestly. I've dealt with sensitive women before, but never one who is so sensitive that she can't even do that.
One even came to me in person.

I made my intentions clear initially, it made her a little nervous because she wasn't used to that brand of
honesty, but when she shook off her nerves, she came back and initiated another conversation based on our previous one. Things happened. And they
happened because of the give and take. He desire ended up overriding her fear. A man can't do it all for pete's sake, and if that's what a woman
expects I don't want her in my bed anyway. Think about why. It'll come to you. Forget your social rules and do what's right for YOU. True, this
may have been a very long time ago and the "rules of engagement" as it were may have changed, but some things skip generations. The meat on the
bone, if you will, is timeless. That meat being open, honest and direct communication between a man and a woman.

You also said something about the integrity of a man who confesses his feelings later in the friendship. I don't think that has as much to do with
his integrity as it does with how socially awkward he is or not. Sounds like your male friends were lacking in the socializing department. Integrity
is how a man treats a woman after he gets her IMO. I've never had a problem fessing up to how I feel about a woman and sometimes those feelings
weren't, I don't know, noble I guess. So integrity doesn't have much to do with this part of it all I think.

A relationship is like a job ( Don't laugh, I'm serious) You can either stay in an entry level position, the friend zone, and complain about how
restrictive it is, or you can explore all the options that one job/woman has to offer and step up your game. Subtleties wont get you to where you want
to go. Making your intentions as clear as the light of day however, will. Trust me, it works..

The friendzone is a myth perpetuated by emo guys that lack
1.Guts
2. Brains
When I hear someone complaining about the friendzone it usually goes something like this
"I want this girl so bad *wha wha wha* but im stuck in the friend zone"

What they really mean is
"I got shot down with by this girl a long time ago, maybe if I keep hanging out with her she will just jump into bed with me out of nowhere"

or

"I have no courage-NONE and I have not even attempted to make any sort of move on this girl over the past 2 years. Im just soooooo afraid of
rejection *takes a break to play some emo album*. But maybe this year things will go my way! I think im on the right track, I just finally convinced
her I was not gay last week"

Sorry bros, if you are in the friend zone it is because you waited to long and now you don't have the balls to do anything about it.

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