How to Tap into Your Apology Language and Use it to Make Your Relationships Stronger

Posted by Dragana Kovacevic on May 11, 2020

You likely heard of the five love languages, but turns out there are different apology languages too. Which one is yours? How you apologize plays a huge role with where your relationships go from there.

So here’s what you need to know to make amends, repair and restore what you’ve damaged.

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Common thread in every apology

One of the key lessons children are taught in school as part of their character development involves knowing to say sorry when they’ve done something wrong. However, it’s one thing to simply say “sorry” and move on, and a whole other thing to actually repair the damage done. For this reason, it’s important to understand the magnitude of your damage. After all, when you break your friend’s plate, does saying sorry magically put it back together? Similarly, meaningful apologies are anything but simple, and whenever possible, should be done in-person.

Here is a breakdown of the five apology languages, so you can see which one resonates most with you.

Accepting responsibility

In this style, you focus on taking ownership of your impact on another person, much as with the first slide. But you also dive deeper, and consider how you might have handled the situation better. Accepting responsibility means you aren’t using distancing language that removes you from the wrong, by using minimizing language such as, “I’m sorry you feel this way.”

Genuinely repenting: What you might say

“I’ve given a lot of thought to my choices that night, and see why what I did was wrong. That was really hurtful and shitty of me. I would like another chance at our friendship, if you’d give me the opportunity.”

Requesting forgiveness

This style focuses on acknowledging that there has been an unfair shift in the power dynamics of your relationship (by your wrongdoing), and that you are now ceding this power by recognizing forgiveness for your wrong lies with the wronged party.