Today I was reading news articles on my iPad. I noticed that over the past week, every now and then there’s an article where the author appears to be paid by the word, based on the totally superfluous garbage used to set the scene, as if they were writing a play.

Anyone who browses various news and entertainment sites on the web will see those little ads embedded in site sidebars, often with such titles as, How to cure acne with this simple solution, Can you name these 60s actors?, and The truth behind JFK’s 1972 disappearance.
One that popped into view recently was on a site called Tempo that invited viewers to take a quiz: Can You Name this Musical Instrument? Okay, so I enjoy music and figured it’s worth a try. The first image was easy, a photo of a piano, and the options were piano and harp. An easy one to start, right?
The second was a little more difficult, an image of a stringed instrument, whose choices were lyre and acoustic guitar.
The third was upping the difficulty level a bit more by showing an image of another stringed instrument, whose choices were violin and vihuela.
I closed the window and gave up when shown the fourth photo:

I and two of my friends are at a convenience store buying drinks. My friend’s drink is $2.73 including tax. He hands the cashier exactly $2.73. But the cashier doesn’t take it.
Friend: “Here you go.”
Cashier: “This isn’t enough.”
Friend: “What do you mean. You said it was $2.73 and I gave you $2.73 exactly.”
Cashier: “Exact change isn’t enough.”
Friend: “What the hell are you on about. I gave you the exact money. Why can’t I have this drink if I gave the exact change?”
Cashier: “Fine, I’ll cover it this time.”
Friend: confused face
Cashier: “Go. Before I change my mind about helping you.”
My friend was muttering about the cashier all the way back to his house.

Commenters agree: The Earth Sucks Funny, I haven’t changed my opinion of the theory of gravity either. I must just be stubborn I guess.
I don’t now, I’m a bit up in the air about it.
I’ve tried changing my mind – but falling flat on my face once was enough to convince me.

Only because you failed to miss the ground. It requires a significant distraction at just the right instant. Or so I’ve read.

Always keep a big quiet man as one of your friends I remember ages ago I was at my cousin’s watching football with a few of his friends.
At one point I went to the kitchen, which was next to the front door, to get a beer refill when there was a knock on the door. Since I was right there, I answered it, only to find some Elmer Gantry-looking chap.
Before I could say anything, he yelled in that tremulous manner that TV preachers do, “Halleluja Brother, are there any sinners in this house?”
I told him that there were a bunch of guys drinking beer and watching a football game on TV. He burst past me into the living room, turned off the TV, and started praising the lord to these guys. Their jaws were slack with surprise until one of them, a defensive lineman-sized man, stood up and simply said, “Go away. Now.”
Elmer took the hint and scurried out as I held the door open for him.