'Real Housewives of Orange County' Recap: Jesus Barbie Takes Texas

It was just a few weeks ago that Alexis Bellino couldn't even bear to be at a dinner party without bursting into tears because she missed her husband, Jim, but tonight on The Real Housewives of Orange County, we saw her take off without him to San Antonio with the girls without a single sad second thought. In fact, Jesus Barbie in Texas was a whole hell of a lot more fun than the O.C. version.

Clad in daisy dukes, belly-baring tops, and sky-high heels, she kicked up said heels by drinking like a fish, dancing with a lesbian (yes, Fernanda Rocha randomly joined the ladies on the trip), seductively riding a bull, and generally letting her loose lips (that aren't as big as Peggy's, according to Alexis) fly. She talked about her marriage to Jim and how they've decided to loosen things up after she felt unhappy and miserable in the little box in which he placed her. The box has been banished ... or at least a few air holes have been poked in it. Yeehaw!

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The whole time she was being fun-and-free Alexis, she was getting in little digs at Peggy Tanous, but you know, after Peggy shared her list of what she demanded in her mate, I’d say she deserves any digs anyone wants to throw her way. With a TOTALLY straight face and no hint of realization that what she was saying was insanely absurd, Peggy listed for the women her requirements for a husband: 1. He had to own his own company and couldn’t have a “regular job” that would get in the way of them going to Cabo for the weekend (the horror!); and 2. he had to own his own house and couldn’t have any roommates.

“That’s a given,” Alexis interjected.

Actually Peggy didn’t get any further because Alexis kept interrupting her and spewed forth her own bizarre list that had something to do with Jim choosing her because she didn’t have to tinkle every 20 minutes. This is why reality television is so compelling, because no one could ever dream of writing a script that read like this.

Gretchen was the surprising voice of reason when she pointed out that character isn’t defined by if a man owns a home or not – as if that should have to be pointed out?

Alexis also let the girls know about the eating disorder she’s suffered from since she was a girl. She did so while stuffing her face with barbecue and pecan pie. She’s told the press that she’s stopped counting calories, but she still eats less than 900 calories a day sometimes, so she should be anything but the poster child for overcoming eating disorders that she’s seemingly trying to be.

She is such a walking contradiction in so many respects, it’s not even funny anymore. Okay, the whole slutty Christian look is still pretty funny.

Meanwhile Vicki Gunvalson and Tamra Barney were back home and apparently not invited on the little girls’ weekend in San Antonio. Tamra was dealing with her ex, Simon, throwing a dog leash at her. To make a point, she called the cops and he ended up arrested. Not pretty, especially because their children witnessed it all, but the fact that Jeana Keough had to get involved was just weird. She’s a little too protective of Simon it seems, and Tamra really shouldn’t have brought her that Starbucks.

What did you think of Alexis in Texas? Do you think Jeana Keough has any right to get involved in Tamra and Simon’s business?