LUCAS: Technology is great for kids, but there have to be limits

One of the most pervasive parenting dilemmas of the 21st century is how we manage our kids’ access to the digital world.

It’s a fluid question with no pat answer. Kids grow and change, and so does technology. In our house, we’re tackling the issue again now that our older boys have fallen in love with Minecraft.

For the uninitiated, Minecraft is one of the most popular computer games on Earth. There’s a lot to like about it. The game is wide open and players can build their own worlds, so it encourages creative thinking.

Twenty years from now, a generation of young architects will probably be churning out boxy Minecraft-styled buildings in the real world.

On the other hand, the possibilities are broad enough that kids can easily get obsessed. The Whirlwind, who turns six on Thursday, thinks about Minecraft for a good part of every day.

If you met him tomorrow, within minutes he’d be talking your ear off about redstone and iron ore and nether portals.

Naturally, he wants to play all the time, and he pushes against our boundaries. My wife even broke out the “When I was your age, we didn’t have the Internet” lecture, which flabbergasted him. He can’t even picture a world without instant access.

For the record, I have no moral qualms about technology or video games in general, and I suspect most parents of my generation don’t. Super Mario and Solid Snake are part of my own lexicon. I can’t tell you how many virtual NBA championships I won in my teens and 20s.

My two biggest concerns: I want my kids to have a healthy balance of unplugged time, and when they are connected I want them taking in age-appropriate things.

The problem is, those aren’t easy to define. I threw this question out to other parents on social media (irony noted) and got a variety of responses.

Many people connect screen time to something else: do your chores, go outside — or even do push-ups — and then you can play or watch.

Philip Moscovitch told me his family went years without a TV, and they used to keep a schedule for the family computer. Each of his three kids — now 19, 16 and 13 — had set times.

“The downside of that approach is you feel like a cop all the time,” said Moscovitch, a freelance writer and chairman of the Halifax Regional Library board. “We tried to encourage self-policing.”

Restrictions are part of our own strategy. We don’t have cable and all our online devices are password-protected, so the kids can’t just flip on the TV, iPod or family computer.

This works OK for now, even if it comes with a stream of “Can I play now?” nagging. But what about teens who have their own phones or computers?

That’s more subjective, Moscovitch says. Yet the essence is the same: keeping a healthy balance and not disappearing into a screen.

“It’s important to be present with the people around you,” he says. “When we’re doing something social together, I want the feeling that you’re there and not somewhere else.”

How do we enforce that with kids? Start by practising it ourselves, I suppose. Even as wireless devices become ever more omnipresent, it’s important to remember we should rule technology and not the other way around.

“I’ve seen a lot of parents who seem to have a lot of helplessness around the whole thing: ‘Oh my God, my kid is texting all the time,’” Moscovitch says.

“As parents, it’s our responsibility not to be helpless. It’s up to us to figure out ways to set those limits.”

Chad Lucas and his wife are the busy parents of four children aged seven to three. He’d be happy if you follow him on Twitter, @ChadGALucas, just as long as you log off when it’s family time.