First things first. Let’s get something straight. You are not going to be perfect. Sorry, not sorry. There is no perfect mom. You have to let yourself off the hook. We all know this. Sometimes our husbands “remind” us that we should “just chill” (not helpful, hon). But if you’re like me, you struggle with the HOW to.

Finding yourself trapped in a negative thought pattern? Maybe you feel lonely, or guilty, or shameful, or angry, or left out? You know that God wants you to have unexplainable joy despite circumstances but that just seems like a bumper sticker slogan to you most days? There’s good news: These negative thought patterns can be undone, they can be rewired.

First, we have to have to recognize the right battle.

Second, we have to create the right thinking.

Third, we will build the right mind.

Life is 10% external circumstances and 90% how we react.

Have you seen Toy Story 3? I haven’t (yet). But as Heather described, there was this bear. Lots-o the Bear. He gets left behind somewhere and then, after a long journey to come home, finds that he’s been “replaced” with another Lots-o Bear. He interprets this as not being loved, as being replaceable, as being forgotten. But in actuality, the kid loved Lots-o so so much, that the parents had to instantly by another one to prevent a meltdown. What was done because he was so irreplaceable ended up making him feel replaceable. Thus, 10% what’s actually happening and 90% our reaction.

What happens is our THINKING controls our EMOTIONS, which control our ACTIONS.

But we have something Lots-o the Bear didn’t. Metacognitive abilities. It’s a big word that means
we can think about thinking. And if we can think about thinking, or control our thinking, then we can control our emotions and control our actions. Our negative thought patterns can be undone, they can be rewired.

Another big word: Quantum Zeno. That means our brain can change based on what we focus on, what we think about. That’s why we can feel trapped in the same negative thought patterns. But the good news is that means with a little work, we can PHYSICALLY change those patterns and make new positive thought patterns.

“Be still and know that I am God.” –Psalm 46:10. Do you tell yourself that? If you’re like me, when you hear this you picture meditation, sitting on a beach, or lying in a peaceful place. But, as Heather described, in Hebrew “be still” translates more directly as “to drop” and that this verse is taken not from a peaceful time, but from a battle. The Lord was telling them to drop their weapons and let God fight for them. God was describing a SOUL stillness, not a physical stillness.

See the unseen. Scientists now believe there may be 12 dimensions. 12! (Just google “Superstring theory” – it will make your head hurt!) They now think that water molecules change based on how you TALK to it – if you scream or whisper. WHAT?! The spiritual battlefield is real. The battle for our minds is real. This is not a battle won by WILL. It is winnable when the Holy Spirit is in us because He is God and He can fight it for us (for more on this, check out Francis Chan’s book Forgotten God).

The way Heather took on this battle was with the 21 Day Brain Detox by Dr. Caroline Leaf. Here’s a brief overview of the “plan,” but the full plan can be purchased online for $29, which includes Dr. Leaf’s book. (Neither Ridge MOPS nor Heather MacFadyen get anything if you purchase this or any of the books listed in RESOURCES. Just moms helping moms!) Heather uses this as her daily battle plan.

3 minute prayer. 1 min each of thanksgiving, praise, and worship.

2 minutes of gathering thoughts. Here’s your chance to be metacognitive! Think about thinking. Focus on 1 toxic thought that you often get trapped by. What happens? What do you do? What are your triggers? (We’ll talk about some examples below.)

2 minutes of journaling about what you just thought about.

Think a new thought. Decide what you will actively reach for when the negative thoughts come. Decide where you will build the new road to replace the old one.

Example 1. A common negative thought pattern for Heather (and for me, and probably for most of us) is the Fear of Missing Out (I just learned this is called F.O.M.O. That’s right, it’s so common it has an acronym!) So conquering your FOMO might look something like this:

Thanksgiving, praise, worship to the Lord. Be still, He’s got this.

Metacognitive: When I see all my friends hanging out together, without me, on Facebook, I feel left out. I wonder if they are even really my friends. I wonder why they didn’t invite me. Am I not fun? Do their kids not like my kids? Are my kids not likeable?

Journaling.

New thought: I’m not missing out if I’m in God’s will. So I will focus on being in God’s will today.

Example 2. What other people think when my kid acts out in public.

Thanksgiving, praise, and worship to the Lord. Be still, He’s got this.

Metacognitive: When my kid decides to scream and tantrum in the middle of HEB, people judge me. People are looking. People are thinking I’m a bad parent. I should make excuses for my kid, like it’s past lunchtime or naptime or snacktime or she’s a three-nager.

Journaling.

New thought: I am approved by God.

One thought at a time, we can build a FLOURISHING MIND. Or you can do this…

One final thought: “Holy things happen when you’re cleaning up poop.” It’s in my notes. Heather said it. So it must be true. Bonus points for anyone who can remind me how it related, because I can’t, but it might need to be my motto this week!

This week, Laura Baker of High Five Parenting shared some “Love and Logic” techniques. She focused on enforceable vs. non-enforceable statements when giving instructions and consequences. Here are a few things from her talk:

Two rules of love and logic
1) adults set limits without anger, lectures, threats or repeated warnings
– when we describe what we will do or what we will allow, that’s a limit
2) when children cause problems, adults hand those problems back in loving ways
– replace anger/lecture with strong dose of empathy followed by logical consequences

Benefits of empathy before consequences

makes the choice the bad guy

the child has a harder time blaming adult for the problem

makes child look inside and learn

Problem solving process

empathy

set expectation it is their problem to solve

ask if you can give some thoughts

offer three ideas

let them make the choice

Lines to remember

I’ll be happy to… when…

Feel free to… as long as…

For more information on Love and Logic techniques and to find out about classes, visit High Five Parenting.

The always-inspiring Mickey Holtzman was back with her “Messy and Memorable” tips for playing with your kids. She emphasized the importance of engaging as many senses as possible with activities. Sensory experiences are tied to memory.

Like who can forget starting with a hand dance?

Then there was the bubbling bottle project – just oil, water, food coloring and alka seltzer. What fearless volunteers we had!

Or poking a water bottle with an ice pick (I’m pretty sure this is the first time we’ve ever had an ice pick at MOPS) to make a water fountain.

Other activity suggestions from Mickey:

flashlight walks

dish towel chicken

decorate rocks

Gak – cornstarch, water, food coloring (in bathtub for easy cleanup)

hammer golf tees into styrofoam with a wooden spoon

play in shaving cream or cool whip

bubble solution – 1 part Dawn, 3 parts water

spaceship – decorate big box, wrap everything in foil including the kids for a space suit

silly string

She had a table up front with lots of other fun stuff.

And words to remember

And keep your sense of humor! Check back for more posts with tips from Mickey on having fun with your kiddos.

September 5, 2013 – Our first meeting of the year. Steering team kicked it off by keeping it real with a collage of not-so-beautiful messes:

Many thanks to the table leaders and mentor moms for starting us off with a yummy breakfast. Orange and yellow tables are on the breakfast schedule for our next meeting on September 19.

Amy Taylor, the women’s ministry director of Austin Ridge Bible Church, shared a message today of gaining perspective and giving grace. She also gave her top tips for moms of littles. Here are some highlights:

Perspective on our Beautiful Messes

Seeing our lives as beautiful might require a change in perspective
– my family is my most important ministry
– our greatest acts of worship are the things no one acknowledges or sees
– the hard thing about perspective is that we often gain it after the fact
God places us in situations where it is not humanly possible to do things on our own
– “‘Not by might nor by power, but by my spirit,’ says the Lord.” Zechariah 4:6
– ask Him for wisdom daily
Only God can make our messes beautiful
– He is our creator and sees the big picture
– we see things dimly, He sees things clearly

Tips for Moms
The best thing we can give our children is a good marriage
Go on date nights
Be careful with your time
– “For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven.” Ecclesiastes 3:1
– set limits with maturity
Pray for God to help you give your family your best
Be involved in a community where others know you
– seek transparency, appearances can be deceiving
Spend time with The Lord every day
– “You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart.” Jeremiah 29:13

Fall is back…even though it is a million degrees outside. I’ve lived in Texas most of my life, yet every year I act shocked by the lingering 3 digit temps in September. My summer wardrobe is boring me…and I’m ready for some soup in the crock pot.

Along with the scorching temperatures our Fall activities have heated up. I was missing structure during the summer, but now that I “have” it, I really can’t call it structure…more of a hectic mess! We have had some meltdowns at my house. I have to admit, my kids are not the only participants.

I am embarassed to say how many nights the past few weeks I have sat at my daughters bedside and said one of the following, “Mommy lost it today, I am sorry”, “Mommy should not have yelled, I am sorry”, “Mommy has been really grumpy today, I am sorry”.

Basically, I feel pretty wiped, overwhelmed and concerned about how this new Fall schedule is going to shake out. Life is crazy with toddlers, and more than likely tomorrow morning won’t be any calmer as I load up my kids and head to the Ridge. However, I know one thing in the morning WILL happen. I will sit with a group of women who will spend this Fall praying with me, learning with me and laughing with me. I’m ready for the PLUNGE.

Since I have been a mother, I have learned that God has a thing for moms. God works through Moms when we come together to pray for our children, husbands and each other. I can’t wait to experience what God has in store for the Ridge MOPS this year. I’ll see you there!

P.S. Speaking of the PLUNGE…please note and consider plunging in to the event posted below. It’s a family fun way to make a huge difference. More on it tomorrow!

Can’t wait to meet ya,

Jewels

Libbie’s Annual Birthday Bash at Austin Music Hall

Saturday, September 8, 2012 from 10:00 AM to 1:00 PM

Please join our family in making a difference for children with cancer and other life threatening illnesses this Saturday, Sept. 8th from 10 AM-1 PM at Austin Music Hall. Tickets for sale at the door! Doors open at 9:45 AM The Biscuit Brothers will be performing (10:15 AM), the miniature horses from Mini’s and Friends will be there, there will be a Huge inflatable obstacle course, Amy’s Ice Cream, Fairy and Super Hero Tent, Silent Auction, special performance by some of the kids from the Children’s Blood and Cancer Center and much more! Fun for all ages!

Peyton asked…”are my friends going?” I said I hope so…but if they can’t remember you are making a difference in the lives of kids with cancer!..he said “how?”..just by going and buying a ticket so Ms. Becky can do all she does for the many courageous children at the Blood and Cancer Center here in Austin.

So bring your kids and please help us make a difference!!

We are all BUSY! Please try to attend. Please spread the word. Email friends…post it on your facebook. The Loving Libbie Memorial Foundation is an amazing cause and this is there primary fundraiser so your attendance really does make a difference.
What a great opportunity to have some fun with our children, friends and family and get to show our kids how easy it is to make a difference in the lives of others!
Loving Libbie Memorial Foundation: http://lovinglibbie.org/