Friday, January 18, 2013

Toko! Toko!

Sorry, Blogdosts.... I forgot all about posting this one. But, as they say... better late than never! It appeared in The Telegraph as a year-ender...

**************

2013: Toko! Toko!

I can’t seem to get that idiotic, catchy
Honey Bunny jingle out of my head! I am hoping if I repeat it often enough and
get further infected by its upbeat mood, everything will be ‘Toka! Toka!’ in
2013. What the hell is ‘Toko! Toko!’ ? I don’t know. I don’t care. It sounds
good. More importantly, it makes me feel good. Try saying it a few times
yourself. Go on – it’s easy! After feeling foolish the first couple of times,
it will roll off your tongue easily and possibly bring a silly smile to your
face as well. Fingers crossed, but I am desperately hoping the next year will
be equally breezy and fun. God knows how we endured 2012 without losing it
completely. Especially, during the last few weeks when we were hit by one nasty
jolt after another.The worst one being the brutal rape of a 23-year-old young
girl in a Delhi bus. What a horrendous end to a horrible year!

My reading is that 2013 will see us
obsessed by 2014. We shall sleep walk through the coming year, with all our
collective energies focused on the Big Moment in 2014 when India votes. Unless,
of course, we are slapped with a mid-term poll ( hardly mid-term, though!),
which we can least afford. If that takes us by surprise, we should be in a
better position to anticipate another dramatic, unfactored development – a
third front. If the third front does become a reality , we will then have to
come to terms with a fresh player. The newest prime ministerial candidate on
the block. And – hold your breath - that person could well turn out to be (don’t laugh just yet) Mulayam Singh Yadav. Everything is pointing
towards such a scenario. As of now, the Congress Party is playing coy and
refusing to nominate Rahul Baba for the top job. With that all important
nomination in a limbo, the BJP is also avoiding the ‘M-word’ ( ‘M’ for Modi).
This despite Modi’s convincing and expected recent win in Gujarat. If the guessing game continues for much longer,
it will be Advantage Mulayam. And if that happens, I’ll be most interested in
monitoring developments in the Bachchan
parivaar. Why them? Well, Jaya is very much a Mulayam Singh loyalist with a
visible and vocal presence in parliament. Meanwhile, Mr. Bachchan , as the
brand ambassador of Modi’s Gujarat, is obliged to stick to his script so long
as he’s the State’s ambassador. Recently, the bahuraani of the household, the
beauteous Aishwarya Rai, has also been heard singing praises of Gujarat. That
leaves Abhishek. Will Junior B align himself to his mother’s political party
and declare he’s a true blue U.P.walla?
If that happens, would it be fair to say the Bachchans , between them have
carved up large tracts of India in an impressive way? And that Bachchan Jr. has
proved he’s a pucca Mama’s Boy? Aaradhya, being a new age baby, may float her
own party down the line. But for now, a
fashion line called Baby B is entirely in order. Sigh! Speculations can be so
meaningless and yet so delightful.

Mamatadi, according to West Bengal
watchers, has spent most of last year mopping up crores and crores of lolly so as to consolidate her supremo
position within the party. Isn’t that always the official excuse of any new
Chief Minister? No hard cash. No power. If her erratic policies and bizarre
actions are leaving critics dumb founded, her supporters are expressing their
loyalty each time she appears on a public platform protesting against something
or the other. The rest of India remains flummoxed, mainly because people are
unable to understand even a single word of what Didi screams herself hoarse over. Was that Bangla?
Ingreji? Hindi?Swahili? What is annoying Miss Hawa Hawaii - FDI ? FBI? Something else? Your guess is as
good as mine! All one can tell is that she is in a bad mood perpetually. Except
when she’s dancing a jig with SRK. And so foul is that mood , one critical word
against her and off to the clink goes the naughty offender! Hitler Didi has become her popular moniker.

2013 has been officially declared the Year
of Narendra Modi, now that the Gujarat Chief Minister has pulled off a hat
trick in his state. Ab Dilli Door Nahi. From C.M. to P.M. It has been a long
and well planned journey. Modi Dabannged India in style and now there’s no
stopping the man. His victory speech said it all. Modi addressed the nation in
general, and L.K.Advani in particular, when he promised his adoring supporters
they’d be treated to speeches delivered in Hindi from now on. As a run up to
the gaddi in Delhi, Modi has mugged up his lines very well indeed. With Rahul
Gandhi still waffling and playing will-he-won’t-he games, the Congress Party looks kinda like a
headless chicken. If Chidambaram agrees to keep the hot seat still warmer for the Reluctant Prince, the
entire dynamics of the game will change dramatically. Chidambaram as a stand-
in Prime Minister is a far more acceptable alternative to some other candidate
plucked out of nowhere. Madamji trusts the canny P.C. ( well…. to the extent
she trusts her own shadow), plus, old boy Singh and Chids go back a long way…remember,
they are veteran World Bank buddies. It could be a really cosy set up, unless
of course, Madamji herself decides the time is right to take over India .
Officially, that is.

Sports’ pundits are taking bets 2013 will
finally see Sachin Tendulkar heading back to the pavilion for good. I’d say,
hold those bets. Sachin will retire when he is good and ready to walk. Not
because the world of cricket wants him to. Chances of Dhoni marching into the
sunset before Sachin does, are pretty high.Sweet irony, there! Dada will have
the last laugh… as always. He knows his job as an expert commentator on
television is safe. Sachin can’t talk, saala!

India only has two and a half sports stars
to begin with. Right now our love affair is with Mary Kom. Mary herself seems
keener on fashion shows and catwalks than pulling on those gloves and punching
the hell out of opponents in the ring. Ditto for the buxom Sania and the toothy
Saina. Fashion’s gain is the sports’ world’s loss.But these ladies do have nice
legs and boobs. So who’s complaining?

In Bollywood, the Khans will be battling it
out for that all important 100- crores hit. While nobody’s looking…. Ajay
Devgn, Hritik Roshan, and Akshay Kumar may crack the 200- crore barrier and
laugh all the way to the bank. Katrina Kaif and Kareena Kapoor will keep those
hot moves going in item number after item number. From Fevicol to Superglue these two will stay
in business . As for Deepika P, who knows, she may slither past them when they
aren’t looking. She’s like that. Besides, Priyanka is far too busy in the city
to care about Bollywood. And Vidya may produce a little balan of her own now that the honeymoon is
over.

As for us hacks and tv anchors… we’ll keep
toiling away, demanding answers from the nation to questions nobody
understands!

5 comments:

Congratulations!!! You have correctly focused on three of India's obsessions: politics, sports and Bollywood. Your gits of clairvoyance should be applied only to these three, since these are the only three things that can lift a billion poor Indians out of poverty, a million middle class Indians out of lethargy and a hundred super rich Indians to the top of a ski slope in Switzerland.

A truly motivational and life changing bookThis book is really a good book which shows us right path. but i readone more book named "ONE BOOK FOR LIFE SUCCESS" which is trulymotivational and life changing . .The writer has described in PlainEnglish with lot of examples which is easy to understand...For MorePlease watch the videohttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=biORjS8ngv0YouTube video