Believe it or not, this was 15-minute makeup. Ain’t got time for anything else, girl.

I think it was a few weeks ago, Pat McGrath posted a picture of Debbie Harry from the Heart of Glass video, and in the picture Debbie has these super shiny red lips, this shimmery eye makeup and a bright pink cheek with highlighter like whoa! — and I just couldn’t get that picture out of my head, so I did my best to channel it.

I don’t know if I was successful… It’s always kind of questionable when it comes to 15-minute makeup, but I did my best. I figured that as long as I get the lips, obviously; the super bright cheek with the highlight; and, well, the shimmery lid and liner, it would somewhat resemble Debbie’s look, and I kinda cheated on everything else.

But you have to make compromises with 15-minute makeup… You know how it is.

The lip is the secret. As long as you’ve got the shiny lip, you’re cool. Then you can power through the skin, brows and mascara.

1. Urban Decay Vice Lipstick in Menace

Truth is, I haven’t been going ham with my eye makeup lately because I’m still working my way through this “little bit o’ liner” phase.

But I’m sure it’ll pass… PLEASE, MAKEUP GODS, LET THIS PHASE PASS!

Until it does, and I work my way back up to wearing all of the cats and kittens on my lids again, I cheat the system by wearing a really bright lipstick.

It draws attention to my lips and creates a focal point for my look that still makes it seem like I actually came to play, ya know?

Urban Decay Vice Lipstick in Menace

My first favorite lipstick of the moment is Urban Decay Vice Lipstick in Menace ($17). It’s a creamy, ultra smooth, ultra pigmented matte medium fuchsia SO bright that you can see it on someone doing the running man across the room.

(The old-school one; not the new one.)

Plus, it’s comfy and isn’t drying, so it doesn’t worsen the dry lip flake situation, and I can swipe it directly from the tube and skip the liner.

I mean, it’s not like I’m asking you to get a prison tattoo of my face on your forearm. ALL I WANT IS A LIPSTICK NAMED KAREN.

Is that too much to ask?

The five new NARS Audacious Lipsticks from top to bottom in Apoline, Mona, Kate, Stefania and Shirley

I’m not the only Karen, and I suspect that most of us would love to have our name on our very own Audacious Lipstick. I imagine that having one would feel really great, like discovering that you’ve been made an honorary member of Salt ‘n’ Pepa and En Vogue.

This time around, Apoline, Shirley, Stefania, Kate and Mona get the honor, and they’re part of the new NARS Audacious Fall Collection, which launched August 15 at NARS boutiques and the NARS website and arrives September 1 to Sephora.

I’d lipsticks could talk, I’d ask these, “Why are you so creamy and opaque? Why don’t you ever settle into my fine lines? WHY DO I LOVE YOU SO MUCH?”

From this batch, I’m all about Apoline (the pink rose) and Stefania (the deep fuchsia), because they’re pink, and I’m predictable that way, haha.

But I also think that Shirley (the crimson), Kate (the purple orchid) and Mona (the mahogany) are pretty, too.

The NARS Audacious Collection also includes a completely new line of potted brow creams called…the Brow Defining Creams.

Available in four colors, they feel drier than a MAC Fluidline Brow Gelcreme to me and are slightly less pigmented, but in this case, I don’t think that’s a bad thing, because if I had a dollar for every time I tried a product like these and accidentally “Instagram browed” myself beyond oblivion, I’d have enough money to buy that Bora Bora island from François myself.

I usually steer clear of brow products like these for that reason — because of how intense they usually are — but these are just pigmented enough to fill in the sparse spots without leaving my brows looking heavy or overdone. The results look very natural, which makes me want to kiss François on both cheeks. 🙂

You know what happens when you say to Siri, “Yo, Siri, take me to the nexus of liquid lipstick and gloss!” and you hop into your Honda Civic (that you lovingly refer to as “Murray”), and Siri keeps saying nonsensical things like, “Keep right, then keep right,” and even though you’re thinking, “Siri, you WACK, girl,” you listen to her anyway, because you have a feeling that you’ll still end up someplace good?

And then you roll up to this little slice of NARS heaven known as the NARS Velvet Lip Glides, and you think to yourself, THANK YOU, LAWD, FOR HOOP EARRINGS, PIZZA SLICES AND THE NEW NARS VELVET LIP GLIDES?

The NARS Velvet Lip Glide doe-foot

Yup, NARS did it again.

Just plunge an arrow — and don’t even bother with the bow — straight into my makeup-loving heart, because these liquid lipsticks (Or are they glosses? It’s hard to tell…) are true love. Like, I could dance with them at a wedding, and I’d see our entire future together.

Wearing NARS Velvet Lip Glide in Danceteria

Basically, these are… Honestly, I can’t figure out how to classify them. They feel like medium-weight, non-sticky glosses similar to the MAC Cremesheens, but they pack a lot of pigment and look like liquid lipsticks…except that they have a creamy finish, so they don’t dry up like liquid lipsticks, which means that your lips don’t end up looking like a cat butt. 🙂

They start off moderately shiny and stay that way for about an hour before wearing down to a soft matte finish. I find that I usually have to reapply them after about three hours.

I like eating peaches…and I like wearing peach-toned under-eye concealer.

What does this have to do with NARS Radiant Creamy Concealer?

Well, the whole “eating peaches” bit has absolutely nothing to do with it. I’m just super obsessed with peaches right now, and I got a huge box from Trader Joe’s last week, so I’ve been in peach heaven.

Back when NARS first released their creamy, full-coverage Radiant Creamy Concealers, it shook up the makeup world. A lot of peeps fell in love (myself included), because of how good they were/are at doing so many things.