I tracked this book down because “the love language of your child” is verbiage I have used while working with families but meant in a general sense, not referring specifically to this program. Calling attention to the difference between the ways the parent and the child are lovingly nurtured is valuable. I figured if there was an overlap in our language, there would likely be some overlap in our approaches and it could be a good resource so I gave it a try.

I gave it the good old college try. And I winced. And I went on. And I grimaced. And I plowed through. And I groaned. And I soldiered onward. Until I could stomach no more and my experience of this book was a lost cause.

It feels almost unfair to write a review having only made it 15% through the book but I decided I wanted my Sage Parents to have my personal opinion and I would just be sure to qualify it with the disclaimer that I was only able to painfully digest 15% of this book.

“Of course, it is necessary to train and discipline our children … A child may be ‘spoiled’ by a lack of training…”
Groan. No.

“…you may not find it easy to offer unconditional love to your children … If you have not loved your children in this way, you may find it difficult…”
I am obviously in favor parents loving their children unconditionally but it gave me pause because it felt like the bar was set so low.

“Children are primarily emotional beings and their first understands of the world are emotional … children are behaviorally motivated.”
Which is it?

“It was the apostle John who wrote, “Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions …”
Oh joy! Now I’m being taken to church.

“When the water of love is given, your child will bloom and bless the world with beauty. Without that love, she will become a wilted flower, begging for water.”
Okay, I feel the love.

“…a lack of affection on his part could distort Audrey’s relationships with all males later on.”
True. The paternal relationship acts as an archetype for future relationships with males.

“Physical touch is one of love’s strongest voices.”
Okay, you know I ride the infant massage train so I’m obvious in agreement but given the bible quote and the fact that we are treading into sexuality here, I’m getting nervous.

“… the Hebrews living in Palestine brought their children to Jesus ‘to have Him touch them.”
What. The. Fuck. I just jumped off the train.

“Boys and girls alike need physical affection, yet young boys often receive less than young girls. There are many reasons for this, but the most common is that some parents feel that physical affection will somehow feminize a boy. Of course, this is not true. The fact is that the more parents keep the emotional tank full, the healthier the child’s self-esteem and sexual identity will be.”
Okay, you know I love that.

“When your child begins school…”
All information for children 5 and up is completely submerged in traditional public school. They are referred to as “school-age children” and apparently do not exist outside of that context.

“All children need physical contact throughout their childhood and adolescence.”
Back to that again – I wholeheartedly agree.

“…unlike boys, they do not go through the affection-resistant stage as boys do.”
Damn, I thought we were hugging all the boys too. Apparently that is unnatural and must change to look like “football” (it literally suggests that).

“Parents need to make sure that they treat boys in the same way they do girls…”
Yay!

“Mothers should never hug a son in the presence of his peers. He is seeking to develop his own independent identity, and such behavior embarrasses him; it will also likely make him the brunt of jokes later on. However, at the end of the day, in the privacy of the home after the son has had a grueling football practice, his mother’s hug may indeed be received as an expression of love.”
At this point I just burst out laughing. Holy shit. Where am I right now?

“…if he [the father] withdraws [physical affection], she will likely seek physical touch from another male and often in an unwholesome manner.”
An unwholesome manner?! Solution: teach her all about sexuality so she can have a rewarding, healthy, wholesome sex life.

Aaaand I’m out. Thanks but no thanks Gary Chapman, PhD and Ross Campbell MD. I’m bummed. I really wanted to like this book.

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Hi, I'm Rachel

the Sage Parenting Coach

I help you go from stuck and stressed to Confident Earth Mama Goddess (flower crown not required!). I work from the Pacific Northwest, where I live wild and free in connection with my 3 attachment-parented and unschooled wildings and the papa bear in our mid-mod fixer-upper on the water. Wherever you are, we can connect to create your own gentle parenting plan.