These photos are from the Markus + Indrani Icons book launch party which was held in Beverly Hills over the last few days. It was hosted by Carmen Electra, and proceeds to go to the Trevor Project, which is a foundation that helps prevent suicide among those in the LGBT community. Great cause, for sure, and Lady Gaga, naturally, just signed on as a sponsor of some sort, too, so there’s that.

What I want to talk about today, though, is not Lady Gaga and her business decisions—no, I want to talk about Doug Hutchison and Courtney Stodden and how they showed up to this thing under the misconception that it was a Halloween party, to which they decided to go as an 80′s pimp and his coked-out ho.

This is the Olympic swimmer’s new look, and yes, that’s a champagne bottle that he’s holding in this second picture. Can we talk about that for a second? I don’t like champagne—not at all. My husband knows not to get champagne around the holidays (even for New Year’s) because I don’t drink it, and even champagne-based mixed drinks like mimosas … oh gosh, no thanks. That being said, I’m more of a wine lady. I like nothing more than a good, dry red wine. I also like some mixed drinks, mostly those that have tequila in them. I do love me a good tequila. What do you guys like, or rather, don’t like?

I know—this entire post got way, way off topic, but that sometimes happens. It’s not as if there’s anything else that’s all that interesting about Michael Phelps other than the fact that he’s seriously starting to resemble the more masculine of Bert and Ernie.

“Evan Rachel Wood and husband Jamie Bell confirmed that they are expecting their first child later this year. The couple is thrilled.”

Hm. Evan Rachel Wood, somebody’s mom. Still kind of processing this, but then again, I’m still kind of processing the idea that Evan Rachel Wood used to have sex with Marilyn Manson—I don’t quite know if I’ll ever be able to get past that, to be honest. But seriously, though? Let’s have a look at this—is it really wonderful news that someone who acts this narcissistic on camera (in a personal circumstance, nonetheless, not a professional one) is maybe going to devote her life to a tiny little baby?

I don’t know, guys. I could be way, way off base, but there’s just something about Evan Rachel Wood that rubs me the wrong way, and that probably just won’t change.

“Britney Spears and Jason Trawick have mutually agreed to end their one-year engagement. As two mature adults, they came to the difficult decision to go their separate ways while continuing to remain friends.”

And then Britney herself had this to say:

“Jason and I have decided to call off our engagement. I’ll always adore him and we will remain great friends.”

And then Jason himself had this to say:

“As this chapter ends for us a new one begins. I love and cherish her and her boys and we will be close forever.”

Lots of statements, guys. So many statements.

But really, all in all, a pretty bland-sounding statement about breaking up, not to mention, pretty vague reasons to begin with. Other sources, however, claim that the real reason behind Britney and Jason’s split was because Britney wanted more children, while Jason did not. The sources says that the couple often argued over having more children, and the reoccurring disagreement ultimately undid the relationship. I guess it’s a good reason as any, but it really only lends more credence to the idea that Britney and Jason were strictly a business arrangement, where Jason was hired solely for the purpose of being Britney’s companion. It’s still a possibility, you know?

Could it be that Britney’s finally getting her life back? I really don’t see what she could have seen in this guy anyway. Come to think of it, I don’t see what she saw in any of the guys that she dated or married, save for Justin Timberlake, because that one’s just a given. Maybe Britney’s got real shitty taste in men, and maybe Britney’s just chosen the last few dudes while under the influence of either meth or personality-altering drugs. Maybe Britney’s about to come full circle here, and really reclaim her life. Wonder who she’s going to date next!

Namely, his bodyguard, who he allegedly “punched repeatedly” in the chest, and it’s also the very same bodyguard to whom is allegedly owed somewhere in the neighborhood of $400k in unpaid overtime. Isn’t Justin just the best, guys? And by “best,” I mean “worst punk-ass little shit to ever scar the world to the core”?

There’s not a whole lot to this picture, other than “Hey! Jessica Simpson‘s not wearing any makeup and look! BOOBS,” because what’s really better than seeing celebrities without makeup on and oh, of course, boobs? I’ve got your answer in case the wheels were still turning on that one: nothing. The answer would be “nothing.”