Monday, April 18, 2011

Submission and the Paddle

I *think* he spanks very hard. When it's punishment, it's always bare bottom with a wooden paddle. He won't use his hand because he says his hand is for love and affection, not correction. I know this is traditional and I accept that, but the paddle even though it is small, just hurts so much... He says I'm a grown woman and my butt can take a lot and that if he just gave me a few "paddy cakes" I wouldn't learn anything. In a way I think he's right, but I know I don't want it.

We have talked about and prayed about it, and he says it's because I haven't really submitted to his judgment. That he would never really hurt me, but that we decided together before we were married that spanking would be something that was used, and now it's my duty to submit to it. But all I know is that I have come to hate this, yet I want him to be happy and I really do feel that I did agree and promise before God to obey him.

The group members responded with a great deal of godly advice. Here's what Emma had to say:

Might I suggest that you're narrowing your focus too much? You seem to be just focusing on the spanking, without looking at the big picture of what your husband is trying to do for you through loving discipline. As a godly man, he has seen you err and loves you enough to correct you for that error. It's not easy for a man to see his wife kicking and crying in distress, knowing he is the cause of her pain. And yet he is doing that because he loves you. Afterwards, you are unlikely to repeat the offense, and doesn't that reticence make you a better person?

And Susan chimes in:

Spankings HURT, especially punishment spankings. There is a huge difference in an indulgent parent who is trying to get your attention, and a husband who expects you obey and follow rules you agreed to. That said, it sounds to me like you haven't been married long, or at least, you haven't been practicing DD very long. One of the stages nearly all of us go through is the 'testing' phase. It isn't easy to submit, and sometimes we push those boundaries to see if our S/O will enforce the rules...

Submission is not always easy. It is something you have to work at, starting in small ways... and teaching yourself the joy of giving your submission. It takes a very strong woman to be submissive and obedient when it comes to the 'big' things... and it is very hard to be submissive when told you have earned a punishment. The reward of true submission is such a sense of freedom... You will know the feeling once you experience it for yourself.

Annie gets to the crux of the problem. It's a matter of willfulness:

Your problem is not that he spanks too hard but that you don't want to submit. Period...

You pictured a strong dominant sexy guy who would take you in hand and give you a few sexy swats. But now it's real. You have a guy who really EXPECTS you to obey him and will really spank you when you don't. And not just a few taps!

I know you are probably hoping the other people here will give you "three easy steps" to fixing this, but I suspect you already know the answer... Maybe through prayer you can bring your heart around, but you sound very "hard" towards him. You say he's agreed to try other punishments and even that makes you resentful. You don't want to be a submissive wife, and that's all there is to it.

And I can understand, mostly, that some folks do strange things to appease their own private demons.

But I get real disturbed when some folks start telling you that you should appease their One True Demon too. Start telling you that if you don't any more demons than you already have there is something wrong with you.

I have recovered Annie's original text. I have reinserted the parts her husband redacted below.

You pictured a strong dominant sexy guy who would take you in hand and give you a few sexy swats. But now it's real. [[[REDACTED: You get up early and work all day, cooking-cleaning-dusting-folding, all in hose and heels no less. While he doesn't even look at you or acknowledge your existence, unless he wants to complain. He just wanders through the house leaving a trail of filth and chaos wherever he goes. But if you politely suggest this isn't fair. Then you are back-talking and then]]] You have a guy who really EXPECTS you to obey him and will really spank you when you don't. And not just a few taps![[[REDACTED: even if you submit! And if you don't if you start thinking you are a grown up woman and you don't have to bend over for a spanking if you don't want - then you'll just end up apologising because your bruised ribs and dislocated shoulder are totally your own fault. Look you. You don't want to be a submissive wife. So call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1−800−799−SAFE (7233)]]]

If this is a good way for people to learn the errors of their ways, then probably the husbands have regular sessions with the Spatula of Redemption whenever they have failed to be the best husband possible. Right? They didn't mention that, but I'm convinced because that's the only logically consistent system. If the husband has arbitrary authority over his wife because she is blind to her own errors, then surely he is blind to his own errors and therefore subject to some arbitrary authority for his own good. His mother-in-law perhaps.

I have been unfortunate in this life, to have not had the opportunity for bestowing GC&EC* on any notmen with whom I have domishacked. Well, I won't say I never had the opportunity; more like I had, concurrent with that opportunity, a gander at them notmens' brothers, fathers, cousins or other mans in their lives. Not a few of them had offered, previous to me even thinking about such opportunity, to give me a little GOFAKTIBFEO(I--IIRC--ACNO)** for various activities which they considered transgressive of the norms of human decency.

My only suggestion to "Spanks too hard" is that she considers using a "safe" word, well a phrase, actually. When her Goodly, GODLY hubby has had enough sacramental wine (for these purposes we will consider BuschLite, Night Train, Everclear, Griffin's Shoe Polish or other suitable substitute to be acceptable) and has donned his 50/50C/PSRUGOGCC&R***, picked up his paddle and begun to go into his "Trance of Correction" she might want to use something like the following:

"Drop the paddle, you fucking scumbag, piece of shit, or I will ventilate your Sahasraram Chakra (Crown chakra-Door to God) with this here Remington 12 Ga autoloader, Capice?"****

* GODLY Chastisement & Error Correction

** Good Old Fashioned Ass Kicking Till I Bled From Every Orifice (Including, If I Recall Correctly, A Couplea New Ones)

****This is only a suggestion, not a command. In lieu of a firearm, a stout piece of hickory, applied vigorously about the head and shoulders has been shown to be efficacious (Full disclosure; the hickory stick needs to applied periodically, whereas the Remington gambit is usually a 'One time' single dose.)

I'm sure in all of your magnificant greatness you mean well, but you have to narrow it down to a 15 word or less description that we can yell out at the ever dwindling tea party ralleys.

Therefore, I shall use the tubes (AKA the internet, for you techies) to do some catch phrases on 'Spanking'. I shall be spending viewing the search results of 'Spanking' for several days late at night, on my computer.

That french-sounding commenter, Bodiciah brings up a good point.Whilst DD wimmenfolk are getting a Godly & just beating,who is ensuring the men are kept in line?In the past, the husband would be subject to their master/employer who could beat the bejesus out of them to improve productivity and moral. Since the liberals have moved in, a master/employer can no longer lay a hand on them. This is what is wrong with the world today. Husbands now have the double burden of having to lovingly belt their wives *and* keep themselves in line by self flagellation.

"Contains the full text of "Ask and Ye Shall Receive," "Seek and Ye Shall Find," and ""Knock and the Door Shall be Opened."

All the married ladies of Mayburg know that irate husbands spank. In this series of three inspirational historical romances, three young women learn the same lessons. Lily, Daisy and Lizzie are just three of the women brought to heel by their men in this print version that combines three novellas featuring action, adventure, inspiration along with a healthy dose of spanking. The Mayburg men have their hands full, but one thing is for sure - they are all up to the task of making sure their headstrong wives honor the vow to obey."