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*what if they came homeand found me dead.

what if leaving me all alone, out of anger and frustration,was the last time they remembered seeing me. well, seeing me alive, that is.

and it all makes me wonderif they can seehow stupid this all truly is.

or if they only see the devil inside of me.

oh look, the blood is back.and i thought i quit for good.silly me.

**it would teach them a lessonfor me to die.

maybe just to prove to all the othersi should finally try.

just to prove to them out there that they’re not alone in the prison of religion they are forced to call a home.

***this was my worst one yet.

i died in front of that mirror.

shattered glass surrounding me

whispers asking if i can hear her.

a shadow’s laughter coming up from the drain

telling me i must have gone insane.

asking me if i can hear her voice

crying because bleeding was my only choice.

but she doesn’t know thatand it’s the hardest thing to explain.

how to gently tell someonethat you’ve just lost your brain.

**** how do you possibly make someone understand that?it’s not about emptiness and feeling numb.it’s about absolutely panicking,mind going on red alert,breathing a bit too fast,pressure in your chest,nervous ticks going crazy,pacing and cringing at random,crying out at random,holding it in and exploding at random.

i can’t control the attack,until i attack it myself.

***** and maybe if they knew they’d take it all back,to hear me screaming at the broken glass.maybe if they saw the walls stained with red,they’d care enough to question what’s going on inside my head.

but they can’t know.they won’t understand.they shouldn’t be able to.

******fifteen red streamers in a white roomfifteen silver scissors shining for you

This is very powerful. I like the part about the religion they're forced to call a home, and the part about how to tell someone you've lost your brain. I can tell by your writing that you have a lot inside your mind. I hope you continue writing so you can get it out.

There's so much emotion in this and I'm glad you're getting all of it out of your system! This is a great way to vent. Awesome piece, by the way. We're always here for you, it does look like you're going through a lot right now.