I called one of my good friends growing up today to tell her I am pregnant. She put her mom on the phone so I could tell her to. At first her mom was just surprised, said "congratulations," but then started getting really insulting. Some of the things she said:

-Another so soon? Are you crazy? (3 years isn't so soon IMO)
-What are you going to have like 8 kids or something? (this is #2)
-Exactly how many are you going to have? (my mom had 6, so I think this was coming from that)
- Are you hoping for a boy so you can just be done? (uh, no...)
- What about your life and your future? What are you doing????
- Are you just going to be a mom?
- All kids are just selfish anyway. No matter how many you have. I speak from experience. (she is a mother of 2)
- "Well, I hope you can be happy." Me: "We are very happy about this." "Well then I can be happy for you."

I can't even remember everything specifically, just that I was so appalled. What she was trying to say is that motherhood isn't enough to validate me as a person, so I shouldn't waste too much time with it. I do have a part-time job (like 10 hours a week), but it is something I do, it is no way who I am. Her tone the whole conversation was kind of smiley/laughy, like she was trying to make it friendly heckling while still getting her point across.

I've never come across anyone who was so openly judgemental about my life decisions...especially because I am clearly very happy with my life.

I thought of another thing she said: "They are cute when they are new, but they don't stay so cute forever." (She says with her daughter in earshot). As if to say motherhood ceases to be enjoyable with grown (growing) children.

Sorry, I don't normally come on the boards to complain about someone, I am just so shocked I need to work through it so I can put my emotional energy back in a more positive place.

She sounds just like my grandma. Her "congratulatory" call after my second was born included "Well, I hope you don't have another for at least 5 years". :

Honestly, I brushed it off. She was a miserable, hurting woman who could find very few reasons to be happy about anything. Her comments were all about her and had no basis in the rational, and certainly held no weight in my decision making.

My first two kids are three years apart, with our third coming 8 & 11 years after the first two. He is a terrific child, but I got grief too....from total strangers in the grocery store. One even asked if they had the same father! WTF!

I dont really think it has much to do about your working status....i mean, people have kids everyday, and many women work outside the home (myself included).

Wow, she sounds mentally ill. Please don't let it bring you down. She obviously has serious issues if she would say that to any pregnant woman, let alone her daughter's friend who (I assume) she doesn't even know very well. Yikes.

we'll have our baby when DD is around 25 months old, and we did that on purpose-- with charting, ovulation kits and other what-nots to try to get a BFP on the first cycle (which we did! we were lucky!)

SO!

not everyone thinks 3 years is too close

and congrats! :

ETA:
my grandmother asked me if i would be adding any more "irish twins" to the family after this one! what an old bat!

It's sad that she is so unsatisfied with her life and felt the need to rain on your parade. When I meet up with people like that I try to summon up some sympathy for them, and then let it go.

When people give me grief about being a sahm I just tell them that I chose this, and I'm happy with my choice : Life is made up of all kinds of different experiences and phases. What I'm doing is one of them. When my children are more independent I will find something else to do on a day to day basis, but for now I'm really happy I have the chance to nurture them and get to know them. I know it wouldn't be fufilling for everyone, but it is for me.

She has obviously struggled with her own identity as a parent and you were a target for whatever insecurity she was feeling that day. You responded so well. Good going. That must have been hard to hold your tongue and just simply express the love YOU have being a parent.

She has obviously struggled with her own identity as a parent and you were a target for whatever insecurity she was feeling that day. You responded so well. Good going. That must have been hard to hold your tongue and just simply express the love YOU have being a parent.

I wonder how your childhood friend responded?

My poor friend was mortified. She texted me after the conversation to apologize for her mother and say how excited she was for me.

Her mother has had a sad family life from childhood to the present. She has been very successful financially though. I have been trying to work on ways to reflect her questions/emotions back on her so that I don't get run over, everyone keeps their dignity, and we talk about something that at least sort of makes sense. It's just hard to be quick and savvy when I am being shocked at how bizarre and outrageous her questions are.