BLAH

IDEA MANInvasion Report Card

ALMOST COMPLETELY UNRELATED RANT: All Stephanie had to do was add these ten
words in the middle of her speech last week: "That scared me. But not as
much as this did." Because I can understand her being 14 or 15 and
worrying about whether her dad was going to lose his business or go to jail
or not. That would be scary. But there's no direct comparison to what
happened last week. Not by the longest of shots.

Having said that, in the bigger picture, nothing she said will matter in
the least.

THE PEOPLE'S MAILBAG: First, thanks to John Rearick for reminding me that
Austin pinned Rock after the second Stunner at WM15.

Second, cfgb chimes in with:

You said in your column:

"So let me get this straight: All you need to get Torrie to want to snuggle
up to you is to be 6 feet or shorter (check), kind of skinny (check), talk
funny (I can do that), and either know how to do a Shooting Star Press or
kick like a motherfucker? (I'm screwed)"

Wait, you're not dead in the water yet. You ARE related to Ric Flair right?
;- )

Sadly, no. I can neither bump nor mack like The Man. I can't even do a
decent strut. (I know I told you I could. I was WRONG.)

It's been six months since the WWF bought WCW, and three months since the
WCW "invasion" of the WWF started to hit television. So how are they doing?

WCW/ECW ALLIANCE

Most Valuable People: Stone Cold Steve Austin. What? For my money, he's
the best heel of the last three years not named Vince McMahon.

Booker T. He got over as a face when he needed to, and he got over as a
heel when he needed to.

Rob Van Dam. You couldn't pay WWF fans to boo this guy. Once he can say
something other than his name, he'll be huge.

Most Improved: Austin. Different reason here, though; this is because
he's back wrestling some of his best matches.

Rhyno. Remember last year at this time when we all hated this guy because
we thought he was an overpushed hack? Turns out he was just overpushed.
The Gore is OVER, and the Rock match showed he's not just a psychotic
killing machine.

Test. But check back in three months. Every time Test gets a push or a
turn, he's had a tendency to start out on fire, but he can't sustain it for
whatever reason.

Least Valuable People: Buff Bagwell. Damn near killed the whole shebang
with that pathetic display in Tacoma. Got his just desserts for a career
of being a tool by getting canned by Vince after two weeks.

Shane McMahon. Crazy bumps aside, I'm having trouble hating him. He
doesn't have heel Vince around to leech heat from, and he doesn't have
lackeys (BRING BACK THE POSSE) to boss around. I'm beginning to agree more
and more with Rick Scaia that Shane's better as a face.

Biggest Fall: Mike Awesome. I figured being the first WCWer to crash MSG
was a sign of greater things. I also thought that getting him away from
Lance Storm would help him. So much for those theories.

WWF

MVP: Kurt Angle. A comment was made on the CRZboard that Angle's earned
another title reign based on his face work, and it's hard to argue with
that.

The Rock. Admit it, you missed him. You DID. He hasn't missed a beat
since his return, and he was right - the WCW title does have meaning again.

Most Improved: Angle again. As over as he was as a heel, he's almost that
much MORE over in his old-school babyface role.

Tajiri. I told you he'd catch on.

X-Pac. Don't look at me like that; he's started putting forth an effort
again since he got the LHW book. The second Kidman match and the first
Tajiri match were damn good. That said...

LVP: X-Pac. "Best heel in the business"? I really hope that interview
was a work, because if it wasn't, Austin needs to BEAT THAT MAN'S ASS. Now
he's fallen victim to the glut of wrestlers and not enough TV time. But
still.

Biggest Fall: Chris Jericho. I'm starting to wonder if the boy's cursed,
myself. Whenever it seems like he's about to climb through the damaged
glass ceiling, something happens (losing the IC to HHH; the bailout on the
KotR main; the ropes at SummerSlam) to knock him down a notch. Maybe the
smarks' expectations of him were too high? I wonder.

OVERALL:C+. Mostly because things cooled off from a "It's an INVASION"
aspect around SummerSlam, and strategically, the two sides are at a
stalemate - with all the titles in seemingly endless flux, neither group
wants to make a big move until it has all of its gold back. It's settled
into a faction war. An entertaining faction war, yes, but it still lacks
that "industry-changing" feel.

I imagine that part of it is also real-world business-related, and that's
something I don't think a lot of people have considered. The plan, as I
hear it, is still to eventually split off WCW into its own company, but
there are still matters like talent, TV time, and budgets and such to be
worked on and settled. You saw the hand-wringing the WWF had to pull to
get another time slot for Excess. For friggin' EXCESS.

Hopefully something big is on the horizon.

PREDICTIONS FOR UNFORGIVEN

It's kind of nice and interesting and different that forgiveness is the
underlying theme behind a lot of these matches.

And unless they add Raven/Saturn at the last minute, has there ever been a
PPV that was all title matches?

WWF Intercontinental Title Match: The King of Awesomeness vs. I Thought I
Knew Him

You read my last column, right? No?

All right - Christian's been jealous of Edge ever since he won King of the
Ring, and even more so since he won the IC belt at SummerSlam. But he'd
been doing a pretty good job of hiding it until recently, when he smashed
his brother's head in with a chair.

TNM Says: Christian (10:28 Unprettier --> pin) Edge

What I'd Do: It seems a little early for this to be the blowoff, but I'd
put Edge over.

What They'll Do: This feud will continue regardless, but I think Edge will
retain.

WCW Tag Team Title Match: Big Red & Hell On Wheels vs. Ckkchronniychk

Steven Richards blames The Undertaker for the demise of Right To Censor.
He's got a point; there was a post-WM week of TV with Kane as hardcore
champion and the RTC's quest to get rid of the hardcore title that ended
with the group getting its collective ass kicked by Dead Man Inc. That's
what led to the rest of the RTC losing confidence in Steven as their leader
and disappearing from television.

Anyway, to get back at UT, Steven brought in Brian Adams & Bryan Clark to
beat him up. UT and Kane lost the WWF tag titles to the Dudleys on Monday,
and Kronik joined the Alliance shortly thereafter and were given this match.

TNM Says: Undertaker & Kane (18:35 chokeslam --> pin Clark) Kronik

What I'd Do: I didn't think much of Kronik when they were in WCW, and I
still don't. Taker and Kane retain somehow.

What They'll Do: Kane's coming off an injury, and UT got hurt last week, I
believe. I doubt the WWF would bring Kronik in to job, so we're getting
new champs.

WWF Hardcore Title Match: The Whole Show vs. Chris Jericho

There was a random conversation between Jericho and Stephanie where Steph
proclaimed Jericho "yesterday's news" and told him that RVD was the Next
Big Thing or whatever.

What IS up with Van Dam, anyway? I think it was Lavieri who said, "He's
just... this dude."

TNM Says: Rob Van Dam (8:22 spin kick --> pin) Chris Jericho

What I'd Do: It's a situation where both guys should probably be doing
better things. Still, it wouldn't hurt if Jericho went over.

What They'll Do: Officially, I'll say RVD wins. Even if Jericho wins, he
won't keep it long - it's not his thing. Don't be surprised if the Raven
/Saturn feud pops up in here and one of them ends up leaving with the belt,
though.

The Duds won the tag titles on Monday thanks to the aforementioned Kronik
interference. I could make a case here that they shouldn't have lost them,
but I won't. The Hurricane has tangled with the Hardys since he took the
European title from Matt, and Storm's been thrown in with them. Bubba Ray
& D-Von still don't like Spike, who's been put with Big Show because it
makes for a cool contrast. But was it truly worth breaking up ShowGunns?
(Answer: Yes.)

It's a shame Bubba Ray and D-Von don't have their own woman. For this
match, I mean.

What I'd Do: The Dudleys need to go on a path of destruction and keep the
titles.

What They'll Do: Dudleys retain, only because I don't see them giving
Helms two belts.

WCW U.S. Title Match: Tajiri (w/Torrie the Fembot) vs. Rhi(y)no

Kanyon, inspired by Steve Austin, issued an open challenge last week for a
U.S. Title match. Tajiri accepted, and beat him with help from GREEN
MIST~! and Torrie Wilson. On Monday, Rhyno Gored him on the stage after
his match with Christian.

Shane, liking Rhyno's moxie, I guess, gave him a shot at Tajiri's title
here. He also called Torrie a "master manipulator", which I'm willing to
believe as long as she doesn't have to think or anything. Will she "pull
the plug" (oh MAN my brain just got FLOODED with dirty jokes) when the time
is right?

TNM Says: Rhyno (2:01 Gore --> pin) Tajiri

What I'd Do: Tajiri retains and maybe moves on to a feud with Test. (BATTLE
OF THE BOOTS YES)

Shane REALLY hates the fact that Rock is the WCW Champion. So much that he
went to Commissioner Regal and told him that Rock would defend the belt
against both Booker and himself in a handicap match.

When he hasn't been defending the title or working in six-mans with the
APA, Rock's been busy brushing up his singing and working on his third
career as a renowned pastry chef, apparently.

TNM Says: Booker T (14:28 Ax Kick --> pin) Rock

What I'd Do: Duh. Rock retains.

What They'll Do: Rock will pin Shane if they're smart.

WWF Title Match: Hi, My Name Is vs. The Gold Standard

Austin couldn't put Angle away at SummerSlam, so he punked out three refs
and got disqualified. Angle retaliated by giving the Alliance a milk bath.
Austin stole Angle's medals and threw them off a bridge, and Angle almost
threw Austin off a bridge before getting a rematch. Austin gave Angle a
piledriver in Memphis on Thursday.

TNM Says: Austin (7:46 Stunner --> pin) Angle

What I'd Do and What They'll Do: It started with the Undertaker feud in
May - ever since Austin turned heel, the WWF has recycled all of the
memorable bits he's been involved him and just reversed his role in them,
which is why I'm pretty confident in my prediction here. As tempting as it
may be to put Angle over given recent events AND the fact that the PPV's in
his hometown, I don't see it happening.

WrestleMania 13.

That is all.

Small Packages:

Did they have to change both Christian's and Edge's music?

Did they ever explain why Tazz was gone from the announce table after the
beginning of SmackDown last night?

Stephanie now has "pinfalls" over Jeff Jarrett and The Rock. Test was
her partner both times.