Something You Already Know

The world is divided into two kinds of people: those who fear getting older and those who do not.

The world is divided into two kinds of people: those who are on diets and those who are not.

The world is divided into two kinds of people: the kind and the unkind.

The world is divided into two kinds of people: computer users, computer-phobics. Givers, takers. Haves, have-nots. Republicans and Democrats. Leaders, followers.

The world is divided into two kinds of people: those who divide the world into two kinds of people and those who do not. Those who do, perceive the world as being dominated by one or another theme, and reasonably conclude that the rest of mankind shares their preoccupation.

The world is divided into two kinds of people: those who fear getting older and those who do not. Those who think of themselves, above all, as bodies and those who think of themselves as souls. Those whose eyes are used for seeing, and those who look with eyes shut tight. Those who are astounded by the aggression of time, amazed that they themselves don't remain the same, who brace forever against what they believe must be the dark, and those who

............catch the joy as it flies,
................. and live in eternity's sunrise.

When time was a flower blossoming slowly in the palm of my hand, how was I – the baby in the family – to know it wouldn't take a hundred years to reach middle age? With each step I take into deeper water, my definition of the term middle age has magically continued to shift, like an outgoing tide, farther and farther off toward the horizon.

For decades, I've been trying to keep each passing present momentary fragment under lock and key, to preserve it, to save myself from being swept away in time's maddeningly unstoppable tidal wave.

* * *

This year, our first time ever, my husband and I experienced the incredible satisfaction of introducing two people who subsequently got married. "You've hit the bulls-eye!"
the man exulted.

An unexpected side effect of our success (in spite of their speedy divorce) is that we've now gotten three calls asking for 'the shadchanim, (matchmakers), Mr. and Mrs. Shapiro."
I got the third call this morning.

"Hello,"
she said, with what sounded like a Dutch accent."My name is H–, and I was given your name by C– . I converted to Judaism seventeen years ago, during the final stages of my husband's illness. The conversion was an outgrowth of that absolute loss, and certain insights which it fostered, which...well, I don't need to go into it. Two of our children are married and working happily, and the third is going through what he has to go through. I am fifty-one. I look quite a bit younger than that, however. Not that I've tried."

"That you tried?"
I said. "Tried what?"

"To look younger than I am. I respect age too much to do that."

"You respect age?"

"Just that. I respect age."

"You do?"

"Oh, certainly. I would not trade what I have learned, nor the understanding that I have acquired, for a face without wrinkles or a firm this or smooth that. Age is an achievement. A crown."

I murmured an encouraging noise. I wanted her to go on.

"Because to get older,"
she said, "is to become part of the ultimate purpose. There is a purpose to all events, after all, you know. Each detail of our lives leads us toward a more complete flowering. To have the opportunity to grow older is a great – a great thing. It is a wonderful thing to learn through our individual trials, to become more wise, to open our eyes more and more to the greater reality. For there is a greater reality. There is a greater purpose than our individual trials, yet it is through these small personal trials that we become a part of God's goal in having created human beings in this world. And whether we know it or not, that is what each of us wants: to take part in this process. If we do not see that we are moving along towards God, which is what we really want, then all we see is that we are losing the self we possessed during earlier stages – which we usually possess without even noticing it at the time. We are so afraid of the dying! The new wrinkle. All we see is: ‘Look at this new gray hair! That gray hair!' That is a horrible trivialization of our role in the world."
She paused. "Is this something that's on your mind, Mrs. Shapiro?"

"Sometimes,"
I said casually.

"Then forgive me for going on like this. Well, if any of it strikes a chord in you, I'm just saying something you already know."

* * *

While brushing my teeth this morning, I beheld in the mirror, lo and behold, a new wrinkle, previously undetected, and reserved a hall for that very night.

It was a gala celebration, standing room only. At seven o'clock sharp, the wrinkle stepped up to the podium. To the blasting of trombones and clashing of cymbals, the wrinkle, in its tux, proclaimed: "My human host,"
(I blushed) – "is utterly thrilled to be progressing toward her ultimate goal! She's on the universal journey whose every second swells with infinite meaning! Whose course is unpredictable! Whose unknown destination will be eventually shared by everyone in this room tonight!"

The crowd went wild.

Then it was my turn. I modestly took a bow. "The world,"
I said into the microphone, "is divided into two kinds of people: the male and the female. 'So God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him. The male and the female created He them.' "

I sensed a wave of impatience rippling through the audience.

'If that's something you already know, I mention it only because I thought maybe somebody out there would know of someone for my friend over here."
I asked H– if she'd be so kind as to come up on stage. "In the middle of her journey, this individual is seeking a partner who – "
I rustled through my purse for the card. "Oh, here it is. A nice Jewish fellow unfazed by the unknown, someone who will neither be terrorized by light years of despair, nor unduly discouraged by black holes of emptiness along the path. Should preferably know that darkness is just the flip side of light and that the bitter is sweet. Non-smokers only need apply."
(H – gave a grateful nod in my direction.) "Have-nots welcome if they consider themselves haves. She's seeking a giver and a taker, but please, no IBM Compatibles. Someone in perpetual awe of the Creation, and supremely thankful, at this very moment, to be alive."

The opinions expressed in the comment section are the personal views of the commenters. Comments are moderated, so please keep it civil.

Visitor Comments: 3

(3)
Anonymous,
June 27, 2001 12:00 AM

thanks sarah

thank you sarah for shedding light on a topic i often worry about. it's true that a religious individual perceives not only life but death in a holy manner.getting older is not an accident, it is a divine plan.

(2)
Aliza Miriam,
June 25, 2001 12:00 AM

FABULOSO !

A wonderfully "ageless" philosophy! :)
...pass it on...

(1)
Joanne Millstone,
June 24, 2001 12:00 AM

Sure Beats the Alternative

I used to be worried about "getting old" until I realized the alternative to "getting old" is getting dead. I am not "old" but I am not young and no longer care to be young. Life is like a snowstorm - there are many snowflakes on the ground but each flake is unique. There are many days in my past, each unique, and many more are currently flowing, each one unique and cherished. I'll try not to be sad when my "snow" stops falling and the "spring" comes to melt the days.

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My Christian friends are always speaking about “faith.” To me this sounds a lot like blind faith. Is that really the essence of religion?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

I'm afraid that this is another case of a Christian concept being mis-associated with Judaism.

Let's first define our terms. What is faith?

Webster defines faith as "Belief without proof."

What is knowledge? "An acquaintance with truth, facts or principles through study or investigation."

Faith is usually a product of desire. Have you ever gotten a tip on the market that guarantees you're going to triple your money in a month? A lot of smart people have gotten fleeced because they ignored the evidence and went with their feelings.

Knowledge, on the other hand, is based on evidence. We know there's a place called China because we have too many products in our house saying "made in China." There's a lot of evidence for the existence of China, even though most of us have never been there.

Judaism unequivocally comes down on the side of knowledge, not faith. In Deuteronomy 4:39, the Torah says: "You shall know this day, and understand it well in your heart, that the Almighty is God; in the heaven above and the earth below, there is none other." (This verse is also contained in the prayer, "Aleynu.")

This verse tells us that it is not enough to simply know in your head, intellectually, that God is the Controller of everything. You must know it in your heart! This knowledge is much more profound than an intellectual knowledge. God gave us a brain because he wants us to think rationally about the world, our role in it, and our relationship with God.

A conviction based on desire or feelings alone has no place in Judaism. The Hebrew word "emunah," which is often translated as faith, does not describe a conviction based on feelings or desire. It describes a conviction that is based on evidence.

Once this knowledge is internalized, it effects how a person lives. A person with this knowledge could transform every breathing moment into a mitzvah, for he would do everything for the sake of the heaven. But this is not a "knowledge," that comes easily. Only intensive Torah learning and doing mitzvahs can achieve this knowledge. Every word of Torah we learn moves us just a little bit closer to that goal. And everyone is capable of that.

To learn more, read "The Knowing Heart," by Rabbi Moshe Chaim Luzzatto (Feldheim.com). This entire book is an explanation of this verse!

In 350 BCE, the building of the second Holy Temple was completed in Jerusalem, as recorded in the biblical Book of Ezra (6:15). The re-building of the Temple had begun under Cyrus when the Persians first took over the Babylonian empire. The re-building was then interrupted for 18 years, and resumed with the blessing of Darius II, the Persian king whom is said to be the son of Esther. The Second Temple lacked much of the glory of the First Temple: There was no Ark of the Covenant, and the daily miracles and prophets were no longer part of the scenery. The Second Temple would stand for 420 years, before being destroyed by the Romans in 70 CE.

You shall know this day and consider it within your heart(Deuteronomy 4:39).

Business people who are involved in many transactions employ accountants to analyze their operations and to determine whether or not they are profitable. They may also seek the help of experts to determine which products are making money and which are losing. Such studies allow them to maximize their profits and minimize their losses. Without such data, they might be doing a great deal of business, but discover at the end of the year that their expenditures exceeded their earnings.

Sensible people give at least as much thought to the quality and achievement of their lives as they do to their businesses. Each asks himself, "Where am I going with my life? What am I doing that is of value? In what ways am I gaining and improving? And which practices should I increase, and which should I eliminate?"

Few people make such reckonings. Many of those that do, do so on their own, without consulting an expert's opinion. These same people would not think of being their own business analysts and accountants, and they readily pay large sums of money to engage highly qualified experts in these fields.

Jewish ethical works urge us to regularly undergo cheshbon hanefesh, a personal accounting. We would be foolish to approach this accounting of our very lives with any less seriousness than we do our business affairs. We should seek out the "spiritual C.P.A.s," those who have expertise in spiritual guidance, to help us in our analyses.

Today I shall...

look for competent guidance in doing a personal moral inventory and in planning my future.

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