How to instill the Qualities of Manhood in our Children?

بسم الله والصلاة والسلام على رسول الله

This question represents one of the major problems of parenting in today’s world. The following are some of many Islamic points that will help develop manhood in a child’s personality:

1. Call them by respectful Nicknames:

Calling the child Abu so and so, or Umm so and so, is something that increases their sense of responsibility and makes them feel older than their actual age. This will make them feel equal to older people. (Abu means father/Umm means mother)

The Prophet sallAllahu ‘alaihi wa sallam used to give nicknames to children.

Anas bin Malik said: “The Prophet sallAllahu ‘alaihi wa sallam had the finest manners; and I had a brother who was called Abu ‘Umayr who was just weaned; whenever he was around, the Prophet sallAllahu ‘alaihi wa sallam would say: “O Abu ‘Umayr, what did the Nughayr do?” (Nughayr was a small bird he used to play with)” (Bukhari)

Umm Khaalid said: “The Prophet sallAllahu ‘alaihi wa sallam received some clothes as a gift which included a black silk garment, so he said: “Who do you think I should give this to?” he paused a little then said, “Bring Umm Khaalid” so the people carried her (this reflects how young she was) and brought her to the Prophet sallAllahu ‘alaihi wa sallam who put the garment on her and said: “Wear it out”. The garment had a green or yellow mark on it so the Prophet sallAllahu ‘alaihi wa sallam said, “O Umm Khaalid, this is Sanah” (Sanah means ‘nice’ in an African language)” (Bukhari)

2. Take them to public gatherings:

Taking the child to the gatherings of adults is another thing which develops manhood in their personalities. These gatherings add richness to their understanding and improve their way of thinking. If a child starts talking to older people, he will spend less time playing. (Islam doesn’t deny playing but what is meant here is playing all the time) This was the practice of the Sahabah who used to take their children to the gatherings of the Prophet sallAllahu ‘alaihi wa sallam.

Mu’aawiyah Ibn Qarrah narrated on behalf of his father: “Whenever the Prophet sallAllahu ‘alaihi wa sallam sat with his companions, each of them would bring his young child who would be behind his father’s back – then his father would make them sit in front of himself.” (Nasaa’i)

3. Telling inspiring stories:

Relating to children historical stories, Islamic battles and heroic victories is another way of building courage and bravery in them, which is one of the most important factors of manhood.

‘Urwah Ibn Az-Zubayr said, “Az-Zubayr Ibn Al-‘Awwaam (his father) had two children. He took one of them to some of the battles and the other would play with the battle-wounds on his father’s shoulder (when he returned)”. Hishaam Ibn ‘Urwah, the son of ‘Urwah Ibn Az-Zubayr said: “My father accompanied my grandfather in the battle of Yarmook and when the disbelievers were defeated he followed the injured ones who were trying to escape and killed them” (which reflects strength and courage from a young age).

4. Instill values of respect and regard:

Teaching children to respect elders also develops manhood in the child.

5. Respecting them in public:

Sahl Ibn Sa’d said, “The Prophet sallAllahu ‘alaihi wa sallam was brought a cup to drink from and he had a child to his right and elders to his left. After he drank he said to the child, “Do you permit me to give this to the elders before you?” the child replied, ‘I will not give up my right to drink (directly) after (you)’ so the Prophet sallAllahu ‘alaihi wa sallam gave it to him” (Bukhari)

6. Make them brave through sports and fitness:

Teaching children manly sports like swimming, horse riding and shooting.

7. Take care not to tamper their manliness:

Avoiding things that would soften them up or make them resemble females, like music, dancing, wearing silk or gold and anything else that is feminine.

8. Do not hurt their sensitivity:

Refrain from insulting them publicly, encourage them to be participative and make them feel important.

9. Greet them:

Greeting them with Salaam is one way of honouring them.

Anas Ibn Maalik, said: “The Prophet sallAllahu ‘alaihi wa sallam passed by a group of children and greeted them with Salaam” (Muslim)

10. Don’t overlook their suggestions:

Taking and valuing their opinions makes them feel good and encourages them to think for the betterment. This will also broaden their vision.

11. Assign responsibilities:

Give them responsibilities which are suitable for their ability and age and them them secrets.

Anas bin Malik said: “The Prophet sallAllahu ‘alaihi wa sallam came to me while I was playing with other children and greeted me with Salaam, then he sent me on an errand which delayed me from getting to my mother on time. When I finally reached home she asked: ‘What delayed you?’ I replied: ‘The Prophet sent me on an errand’. She asked: ‘What was that?’ I replied: ‘It is a secret’ so she said, ‘Do not tell the Prophet’s secret to anyone’” (Muslim)

In another narration Anas bin Malik said: “The Prophet sallAllahu ‘alaihi wa sallam came to me while I was with some other children, so he greeted us, then he took me by the hand and sent me with a message to someone while he waited in the shade of a wall until I returned” (Abu Dawood)

Ibn ‘Abbas said: “I was once playing with other children, I looked over my shoulder to find the Prophet sallAllahu ‘alaihi wa sallam approaching, so I thought to myself: ‘The Prophet only came because I am here.’ So I ran to hide behind the door of one of the houses. Suddenly I felt him grab me and gently and playfully slap me on my back. Then he said: “Go and call Mu’aawiyah for me.” Mu’aawiyah used to write for the Prophet, so I ran to Mu’aawiyah and said, ‘The Prophet needs you’” (Ahmad).

12. Remove their stage fear:

Instill courage in them by means such as by delivering speeches. This will make them overcome performance anxiety, making them bold and confident.

13. Promote hayaa:

Attaching great importance to chastity and decency and avoiding fashionable clothes, stylish haircuts, and modern ‘mannerisms’. Make them understand the value of modesty in Islam.

14. Make them tough:

Keep them away from luxury, laziness, unnecessary rest and idleness will make them face the challenges of life.

15. Keep them away from vain pursuits:

Keep them away from sinful gatherings that involve music and other prohibitions because this contradicts manhood and integrity.

PS: I would like to add one important point here. Spending Quality Time with Them. Parents seldom spend time with their children. They feel neglected which causes havoc in their emotional and mental temperament. When you spend good time with your child, the child feels that he/she is being cared for. This will not only develop bonding but will also boast their self esteem, ultimately bringing out the talents in them.

We have to take care of our children and we have to batter knowledge about From books of Islamic stories, learn about what is Islam and holy quran, pillars of Islam, hijab importance for girls, history of Prophet Mohammad ” ummahstars “

I visited your website, and I guess Dr. Rasiq Ahmed studied at MEASI School in chennai. I can recall some glimpses from the photo posted over there.
If it is so, I am really happy to get connected after a long period of time.