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“One of the relationship myths that has caused me the most pain during the course of my “relationship career” is the idea that strong sexual attraction and falling in love means you’re compatible and a good match. So a couple of years ago I decided to take a closer look at this idea and find out if it’s really true that when you’re on cloud nine and feel strong sexual attraction to someone, it means you’re going to be a good match as a couple.

It didn’t take me long to find the answer. When I looked back at some of my previous relationships, I could see that even though we were really attracted to each other, the reality was that we were not that good a match. Yes we might have felt blissful or even in love in the beginning, but when it came to relationships, lifestyle and interests, we often had very different views, preferences and values.

This realization was a revelation to me. Up until then, I’d been basing my choice of partner on whether or not there was a strong sexual attraction between us and not on whether or not we were a good match. And suddenly I could see the painful consequences of this misunderstanding – for me and my partners.

One of the consequences of believing that strong sexual attraction means you’re a good match was that in the beginning of a new relationship, I often found myself exaggerating or only focusing on the woman’s “positive” sides (oh she’s so beautiful, so spiritual, and so forth) while downplaying or even ignoring her more “negative” sides. For example, I would overlook the sudden unkind remark that made me feel uncomfortable and instead sweep it under the carpet because I was so much in love. Or I’d accept an action or actions on her part that I’d never accept in anyone else. But in her case, because the attraction was so strong, I’d let it slide. And I have to admit that if I had been totally honest with myself, the truth was I already knew on the very first date, in the very first five minutes or so of our conversation, why the relationship would sooner or later become unworkable. Yes it’s true, I actually knew from the very beginning the reasons why we would not be a good match…

But because I was so infatuated and innocently believed that strong sexual attraction means you’re a good match, I ignored reality. And the result was almost always the same. As soon as the intoxication of falling in love began to wear off and the reality began to set in, it would become more and more painful for me to stay in the relationship. And then, the long, difficult battle to extricate myself would begin.

Find your core values

So if strong sexual attraction and falling in love don’t necessarily mean you’re a good match – what does? What makes two people a good match?

One of the things that make two people a good match is that they have the same “core” values. By having the same core values, I don’t mean being the same personality type or having the same education or working in the same field. I mean you have the same basic attitudes when it comes to what’s important in life, not least what’s important when it comes to relationships.

One of the reasons why many relationships get into serious trouble is that the man and the woman don’t have the same core values. A “mismatch” like this usually spells trouble because most people live according to their core values – and usually unconsciously expect their partners to do so too. This can be problematic when these core values don’t match. Let’s take an example. Let’s say one of your core values is “freedom” while your partner’s core values are “security and feeling safe”. Obviously this can make your relationship problematic because you will both unconsciously be expecting the other to behave in a manner that is in conflict with his or her core value or values. So when you are faithful to your core value and give yourself and your partner lots of “freedom”, your partner may get upset and feel insecure because his/her core values of “security and feeling safe” are not being met or are threatened. The opposite is true too. When your partner tries to live in harmony with his/her core value and strives for “security” for example, by wanting clear agreements on how you do things, the “freedom-loving” partner feels stifled and inhibited. You feel your core value of “freedom” is being threatened. So this is why it is so important to be more aware of what you and your partner’s (or a potential partner’s) core values are.

My former girlfriend, sexologist and couples therapist Joan Ørting has developed a good exercise to help us become more aware of our core values when it comes to relationships. I suggest you give this exercise a try – it can be really interesting. Ask yourself the following questions and answer as honestly as you can.

Question: What is most important for you in a relationship?

Answer: That my partner accepts me and loves me unconditionally.

Question: How does it make you feel when your partner accepts you and loves you unconditionally?

Answer: It makes me feel SAFE.

Conclusion: So feeling SAFE is one of your core values.

Repeat the questions until you identify 3-5 of your main core values. Once you’ve done this, prioritize the values so that you end up with a list that looks like this:

My core values when it comes to relationships:1) FEELING SAFE2) BEING TOGETHER3) JOY

Or perhaps you’ll come up with a list of core values that looks like this:

1) FREEDOM2) ADVENTURE3) BEING TOGETHER

Becoming aware of your core values can be a really big help when it comes to determining if you and a potential partner are a good match. And if you’re already in a relationship and are having problems, it may be because your core values do not match. So it can also be helpful to do this exercise with your partner and then talk about what your respective core values are. Understanding how your core values differ can make it easier to communicate with each other in the future.”

IMAGINE WRITING AN UNPLEASANT LETTER TO YOURSELF!

IMAGINE WRITING AN UNPLEASANT LETTER TO YOURSELF, MAILING IT, RECEIVING IT, OPENING IT AND THEN BEING UPSET AS YOU READ IT. THAT IS WHAT WORRY IS LIKE!

MOVIES IN YOUR MIND: Every time you worry you make movies in your mind that are full of imagined horror, disaster scenes and unhappy endings. Fear used by your ego) is the director, producer and writer of these fictional horror movies that you often play on the screen of your mind. A frightening fiction takes the place of reality. Worry robs you of your wisdom, your power and your true creativity. It will attempt to steal your sanity, take away your piece of mind, destroy your relationships and make off with your sense of humour.

Worry cannot give you anything of value and was always and will forever remain a taker. Your ego loves to see you cringe with fear and cry in agony because it gives him a feeling of control and power. While you are mentally kept busy fearing what might happen (ten seconds or ten years from now) you can give very little attention to what is actually happening in the now. Your mind is not in the now and predominantly occupied with the anticipated pending disasters, losses or pain that might come your way at some future time.

Because of your strong desire to survive, live, avoid pain and loss your mind goes into a panic mode, frantically looking for potential remedies for these disasters that might materialise at some future time. Once the ego successfully puts you on the run mentally it will put more wood on the fire by using fear to fuel the flames that are already busy burning your self-image and self-esteem to a crisp.

Once you are trapped in this horror movie that portrays painful disaster that could materialise at some future date the ego dances with joy. When this happened he successfully removed you from the NOW and forces you to work feverously on the FUTURE.

While you are locked into the future and busy wreaking your brain for answers to predominantly imaginary problems that might never effect you, you lose all your ability to remain successful and effective in the now. A friend once said, “You build imaginary castles and then even have the audacity to paint them”. Worry has never once in the whole history of the human race saved the day. At best worry is an alarm bell, but no alarm bell has ever put out a fire. The only way you can break this deadly habit of living in the future is to replace worry with something much more constructive and productive.

I WORRY ABOUT MY CHILDREN: Worry affirms fear, danger, weakness and mistrust. Worry will never make your child safe. Most parents know how painful it can be to wait for a child when he or she is out. You lie awake and create the most horrific pictures in your mind. You see your child in the mangled wreck of his or her car or how he or she lies in an ally bleeding with no one to help him or her.

When you think about your worries about your children carefully you finally come to the conclusion that you can worry yourself to a standstill or heart attack and can still not make the slightest change to their fate while they are away. You cannot protect him or her, ward off robbers or kill a potential rapist while you are lying in your bed perspiring with fear and anxiety.

All you are doing is causing yourself serious discomfort about something that you have very little control over. The only way to handle this type of worry is to teach your children wisdom, people skills and ethics and then to trust them when they leave the house for a party or evening out. Keep in mind that they are children and will make just as many mistakes as you made at that age. When they fail, let you down or make a mistake they need your support and not a lecture about what could have been if they listened to you. You must learn to let go for your own sake and for the sake of your children.

I WORRY ABOUT MY FRIENDS: Worry is not love it is fear in action. When you worry about someone you are sending them a stream of fear and doubt. You are filling your heart and mind with danger. Remember you can worry yourself to a standstill and it will still not change a thing about what may or may not befall your friend(s).

I know we are living in a period in our history that is inundated with danger. There is virtually no family or friendship circle that has not been touched by a tragedy cause by the crime wave that is virtually out of control in our country. It forces us to live in the future and to feed our egos that are having a field day feeding on our fear.

We must just remember that all our worry will not diminish the danger or prevent injury or death to come to our friends. We can remind them to be careful and wish them well. Once they leave we need to let go of them. If we mentally remain attached to them until we see them the next time we are taking on a heavy, but useless responsibility.

You can worry yourself into a stupor and still discover that “what will be will be”. The only victim here is you. Let us be perfectly honest and agree that percentage wise the odds are with us that we will see our friends safe and sound when they return. If you are over-sensitised about crime then stop reading newspapers and switch off the news for a while. All you are doing is feeding your ego with the affirmations that scream at you from most newspaper front pages. Let go and accept that all your worrying will not ensure the safe return of your friends.

I WORRY ABOUT ROMANCE: The more you worry about finding or keeping a partner, the needier, controlling, manipulative and demanding you become. Worry about the love in your life can be devastating. You are killing your romance when you allow fear of loss and failure to take over your thinking.

There is nothing that you can do to “police” your wife, husband or lover. When you allow “fear of loss” or “suspicion” to take over your thinking you are setting your relationship up for failure. Worry will not cause your partner to remain faithful to you. You are just poisoning your mind and your relationship when you sit at home worrying yourself to a standstill about the fidelity of your partner. It will not prevent your partner from straying; all it will do is make your life and the life of your partner a living hell.

I WORRY ABOUT MY HEALTH: Worry will not make you healthier or fitter. On the contrary, enough worry will give you headaches, migraines, stress, ulcers, hypertension and ill health.

Go to any doctor’s consulting room and you will find that 75% of the patients in the waiting room suffer with some form of stress related illness. Worry does not contribute in any way to good health or longevity. If you feel worried about anything when it comes to health matters then go and see a good doctor.

Avoid self-diagnoses at all cost and listen to his or her advice. You can put yourself and everybody that have something to do with you through hell if you become over sensitised on your body. I am not even going to attempt to give you health tips in this document, but want you to accept that the habit or worry will not contribute in any shape or form to your overall health status.

I can continue using examples like this forever. I know people that worry because they do not have something to worry about. The habit of worry always takes you into the future and is driven by fear of the unknown. Worry is a sure sign that indicates to you that you are no longer living your life in the moment. You allowed your ego to hijack your ability to think and act in the now. It forces you to live in the future.

I am sure that you have experienced many nightmares during your lifetime. Can you still remember how you were tormented in these dreams? How you tried to run and hide without much success. When you allow worry to cast your mind into the future you are also unable to do anything about the horror scripts that you wrote and play in these mentally projected dramas.

Only when you wake up and return to the now and your heart stops pounding with fear can you take control of your worry. You become totally inefficient when you leave the “now” level and attempt to operate in the past or future. When you discover the power of the now your life takes on a powerful new dimension. Fear flees in front of a person that is well grounded in the moment.

When you become a person that can tune out the future and the past and remain focused in the moment you become powerful and worry-proof. When you understand that worry and guilt are the two most useless emotions ever invented you raise your game of life to levels that you never thought possible. Once you understand the utter futility of future living you can live, love and perform powerful deeds in the now. Most of us have no clue what is going to happen even thirty seconds from now. All we have to work with is our own warped forecasts.

Live today as if it is your last day on the planet and you will come alive and wake up from your nightmare lifestyle. The day that you loose your fear of dying you wake up to life. The day that you stop worrying what other people think of you, you come alive and experience purity. The day that you unconditionally accepts what that day may present you with you cross the bridge of courage and endurance. You can remove all the horror images that your ego has created when you decide to LIVE IN THE NOW. You are the creator of your world and can decide who and what may live or die in your creation.

IS IT A NEW DAY OR IS IT A REPLAY OF YESTERDAY?

DO YOU OFTEN FEEL THAT YOU WANT TO SHOUT OUT, “SAME DAY, SAME OLD STUFF”? WE ARE THE CREATORS OF OUR OWN WORLD AND DO ACTUALLY HAVE CONTROL OF MOST OF THE THINGS THAT HAPPEN IN IT.

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ARE YOU SICK OF THE SAME OLD STUFF? Most people live as if there is some kind of invisible force that captured their will and ability to remain active and productive. They act as if they are helpless victims of life and circumstances. Just look around you and see if you can detect one single person that made a really dramatic and sustained modification (turnaround) to his or her unsatisfactory lifestyle.

People often bitch and moan about their work, relationships, spouses and unruly children and act as if they are the victims of some sinister plot. When you go to social occasions you often discover that most people spend hours trying to top each other’s “victim” stories while they stare at each other through the bottoms of their cocktail glasses. When you finally drive home after these “socials” you often feel drained and incomplete.

Your “social” with your friends might have made you feel slightly better initially because you received confirmation that you are not the only one that are a victim in this cesspool called life. You are exposed to “bad news” messages wherever you go. Whenever you feel enthusiastic and upbeat, buy a newspaper. Before you read two pages you will be back to your normal subdued self.

We might feel that we are living under very testing conditions today and that our situation is unique, but when you investigate the “victim” phenomena worldwide you will find that most people suffer with this form of mental bondage.

We use crime and instability as our crutch to justify our victim behaviour in South Africa. You will discover that an endless range of excuses are used to justify “victim” behaviour globally even when crime is not so visible as in South Africa. The bottom line is that “victim” behaviour is something that comes from the inside, from your own mind.

We tend to “think” ourselves to a standstill and into an early grave. The “look at me, I am a victim” turmoil in the world has reached pandemic proportions. The collective negative mood on planet earth is negative and very destructive. The main reason why people experience these very immobilizing emotions is because of the overall habit of living in the PAST or the FUTURE. We can think up the most amazing disasters in the theatre of our minds. We can die a thousand deaths in our mind with our habit of projecting ourselves into imagined future disasters.

WHEN YOU LIVE IN THE FUTURE YOU GIVE UP YOUR RIGHT TO ACT IN THE NOW!

We form opinions at a very young age about most things in life. We have “feelings” about almost anything that we can ever be faced with. Any conclusion that we came to during our lifetime will usually remain part of our coping style until the day we die.

Most people fail to understand that “everything will remain the same until a change is made”. If you are allowing fear of something that might never happen to control your thinking you are disqualifying yourself from the reality of the now.

Just think of the key areas in your life such as your work, relationships and general lifestyle and take stock of your “general” behaviour in these areas. You need to study your habitual reaction pattern in any area if it is not working as you hoped it would. Stop waiting for others to modify their behaviour, beg you for forgiveness or that the problem will go away.

Become bold and active and start doing something about whatever you feel is bothering you. Nothing will change until you activate such change. Remember if you are in waiting mode and your dispute is with someone else you are handing control to this person. When you live in the NOW and you act in the present tense you make your life predictable and much more stress free. When you live in the FUTURE and fail to take action in the NOW you are “manufacturing” your own house of pain.

The only way that you can escape this stuck in the future or past zone is to begin to live in the NOW. Give yourself a fair chance to make a success of any given day. You can do this by talking to yourself.

Tell yourself that you are not interested in things that might never happen or that happened in the past. You are talking to yourself all day long, make these “chats” constructive and motivational. Give yourself a break and stop running yourself down. When you find your mind drifting into the “horror” mode tell yourself that you are not going to waste energy on events that may never happen. If you mind drifts into the “feel sorry for me mode”, take control and say, “I create my own circumstances and will not create a torture chamber for myself today.” Wipe the slate clean every morning and attack each day with enthusiasm and commitment. Live for the moment my friend. Today and each and every day is indeed a new day with wonderful opportunities if you are focused on the now.

Many take little notice of motivational or inspirational articles, books or posters. Others in turn scan the horizon for anything that promise to magically turn them into unstoppable manifestation machines. We have been flooded with so-called inspirational books and material for many years now. It is almost pathetic to notice how authors, some well known and some that never wrote a book in their life before jump on the bandwagon when a new movie or DVD come out and achieve success. A good example of this is when the DVD’s came out with the titles “What the Bleep” and “The Secret”. An avalanche of books, DVD’s and articles suddenly rained down on us like a thunderstorm. Everyone jumped on the idea of manifestation. Deceptive seeds were sown by well intended and not so well intended authors and lecturers that created the impression that you can simply flop down on a comfortable chair and visualise your way to success and affluence. Millions of books and DVD’s were sold world-wide. The “secret” that turned out not to really be a secret became a best seller world-wide. Don’t get me wrong. Both the books mentioned contain powerful material that could turn your life around, but fail to really explain that visualisation must be followed by sustained action if you want to achieve your objectives. The blue print that governs most of your actions and choices is mirrored in the environment around you that you face daily. Many of us slipped into a certain channel early in life. We then simply become a copy machine that churn out the same old attitude and outcomes in the patterns that we live daily. Very few of us make regular attitude adjustment and modify the perceptions that form the main pillars that we built our lives on. We make the same old mistakes and act in the same manner without stopping for a moment to question the validity of our actions and choices. Our attitude towards life in general and our attitude towards our children, friends, politics, race etc. remain the same. The same responds patterns jump into action when triggered. The most effective way to get from where you are to where you want to be is to adjust your attitude. New software must be downloaded into our subconscious minds. What I find amazing is the reluctance we often display when it comes to the modification of mindsets that no longer serve their purpose. We must reinvent ourselves on a daily basis. We cannot desperately hang onto stuff that is busy poisoning our soul. This message might be the best news you received in decades. The reminder that you as an intelligent human being can reinvent yourself, your relationship, career or anything else whenever you want to must be phenomenal news to you. We often fear change, but look around you and you will notice that growth is not possible without change. They say that you need to reserve a place at the funny farm if you believe that you can repeat the same old behaviour and achieve a different outcome.

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You have free will and make an endless number of choices daily. You can choose to accept “what is” and manage “what is” to the best of our ability or you can choose to ignore “what is” and base your actions and reactions on illusions, nonsense and outdated perceptions. Illusions and false perceptions can make our days depressing and unproductive. We suffer and experience pain and rejection because we base most of our actions and reactions on data that is not valid or accurate. We became trapped in deadly repetitive daily cycles. Very few of us take the time to stop for a moment and ask ourselves why we are persisting with our self-sabotaging behaviour. We forget that we are acting on our stage of life to learn and experience. We are not the actor. We are and will remain a spiritual being even while we are “in character” on our stage. One of the biggest travesties done to us during our childhood was when they convince us that we are the actor on our stage. We are as I indicated earlier just a student at Earth School. Actors remove their make-up and go home when the show is over. Why have we been domesticated like a pet into believing that we are our history? This social control system warped our perception about our self-worth and stopped many of us to “move on” after we learned our lessons and experienced what we desired.

Rene

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Actors remove their make-up and go home when the show is over. Why have we been domesticated like a pet to believe that we are our history?

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Most of us sooner or later discover that we have two forces that course through our veins. We automatically vacillate between the “upper” and “lower” limits of this force on a moment to moment basis. The UPPER end of the pole of this system is called the “ACTION” zone and the “LOWEST” end of this pole is characterized as the “NON-ACTION” zone. The feelings generated by thoughts, events or for that matter everything and everyone we encounter decides the quality of the output we intend using to deal with the matter at hand. The mistake we make is that many of us think that we are at the mercy of this so-called automatic reaction patterns that endlessly flood our minds and hearts daily. We jump with joy and run like the wind when good feelings are generated by the thought or event that we are confronted with (ACTION) or shut down and retreat into a dark place in our minds (NON-ACTION). What many of us never knew or understood is that there is no need to remain a victim of our historical conditioning or past mistakes. All that is real and valid is our current moment. We can if we decide to take control act in an appropriate and powerful manner notwithstanding the threat and feelings of doubt that we might be confronted with. You are part of a universal force that caters for evolution on a moment to moment basis. Call this force God my friend if it will make you feel more comfortable. This force is fair and allows every living thing in the universe to evolve, grow and expand notwithstanding his or her history. You can make a fresh start on a moment to moment basis. You are allocated 86400 new moments in any given day where you can make a fresh start. There is no need to fear failure or hide in the “NON-ACTION” zone. The NON-ACTION zone is a place where you become stagnant and RESIST risking the possibility of getting hurt or disappointed. The choices you make decide the quality of the outcomes you experience daily. Very few of us understand that not making a choice is actually also a choice that you make. You choose NON-ACTION and RESISTANCE and give up control.

Spend some time today to probe why you have this reluctance to take action. What is the cause of the resistance deep inside you that is preventing you from being the best you that you can ever be? Now make a list of all the things you will do if you knew that you cannot fail. Make a list of everything that comes to mind. Think it and then ink it. I will continue this series tomorrow.

YOU ARE ASKING YOURSELF QUESTIONS ALL DAY LONG. THE TYPE OF QUESTIONS YOU ASK YOURSELF WILL DETERMINE THE QUALITY OF YOUR LIFE, THE TYPE OF RELATIONSHIPS YOU HAVE AND THE SUCCESS YOU ACHIEVE IN YOUR CAREER!

The process of thinking is nothing more than an ongoing series of questions that you ask yourself. You question your own performance and the performances of others all the time. You ability to focus on the positive in life is determined by the type of questions that you ask yourself. If you constantly ask yourself, “Why am I such an idiot” you will continue to display “idiotic” behaviour. When you continually ask yourself, “Why is everybody picking on me all the time” you will continue to display the role of a victim. If you ask yourself, “Why am I continually missing out on career advances and promotions” you will make very little progress in whatever career you currently follow.

Superficially these questions might seem as if they come from the heart, but if you study them closer you will see that they cannot in any way enhance your performance in any area of your life. If you for example ask, “Why am I such an idiot” you will never really discover why you feel that you are giving the performance of an idiot all the time.

We also ask questions about the people around us all the time. We will for example ask, “Why is he always out to belittle me and make me look bad in situations.” This type of question can send you on a mental trip into a maze that will never provide you with a solution to the discomfort this person are causing you. We must stop asking ourselves questions that are designed to make our already negative and despondent feelings even more destructive.

The quality of your life depends on the type of questions you ask yourself about your own performance and the performances of others. If you are at the moment feeling let down by someone and you ask, “Why is everybody always letting me down” will not alleviate your pain, but rather deepen the feeling of disgust or despondency in you.

I think that this questioning habit comes from our childhood where our parents “questioned” us when we made mistakes or did something wrong. We seem to take this parent to child method of questioning into our adult life.

I WILL ALWAYS ASK MYSELF QUESTIONS THAT WILL LEAD ME TO SOLUTIONS. QUESTIONS THAT PUT ME IN AN ENDLESS LOOP WILL NOT IMPROVE MY LIFESTYLE OR SOLVE ANYTHING!

The way to question yourself should always bring your closer to a solution to your perceived problem. Rather ask, “What can I do to improve my performance in maths” and avoid the “Why am I such an idiot” style. When you ask “how can I improve” questions you, start thinking solutions while when ask “Why am I such an “idiot” questions you just deepen the negative perception you have about your performance in maths.

When you begin to pose solution-orientated questions, you are directing your attention towards things you can do to improve your status. If you ask destructive questions that only highlight your perceived inadequacies, you are setting yourself up for ongoing failure.

You can ask yourself questions on paper and begin to grow right now. If you list a number of “improvement questions” and begin to work on things you can do to improve on your current performance you are well on your way to success. If you are unhappy about something then ask, “What can I do right now to become more happy and fulfilled?” Make a list of positive question on the following subjects and then answer them in a constructive manner.

Make a list of questions on happy, success, passion, gratitude, money etc. Now answer your “what can I do to improve” questions. You will be amazed what progress you make in a relative short period. Remember questions are good as long as they are posed and answered in a constructive manner.

Everyday you make a thousand choices. You choose what to wear, where to go, who to meet, what to eat and what to do. MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL, YOU decide WHAT TO THINK. One thing is sure and that is that your day will not be better than your thoughts. ...................
Just close your eyes for a moment and see if you can visualise this open toolbox and if you can see the hundreds of tools that are neatly placed in this toolbox. Now look if you can see the maker’s name on these tools. The creator of these tools (thoughts and perceptions) is you. You created thousands of thoughts and perceptions (tools) about everything since your childhood. ..................
When confronted with any situation or problem you reach into this toolbox and take out what you think the most appropriate tool would be and then attempt to fix the problem. It is estimated that your mind thinks at least 2,500 thoughts an hour. Every thought that you think is a tool (perception) that you have that you imagine would work best under specific circumstances. This thought process continues day and night and will do so for the rest of your life. .....................................
I am convinced that we think ourselves to a standstill. We never stop playing with these tools in our toolbox and can hardly ever really relax for a while. If we are not faced with a problem or task that needs completion we still continue to take out these tools and mentally rehears and contemplate how we will use them should something that we fear become a reality. ............................
We are forever thinking and scheming and never become still and tranquil inside. Our bodies might seem relaxed, but deep inside our heads this thought process continues churning around. What I am most worried about is that most of the tools that you have in your toolbox are very old and outdated. .......................
Many of the opportunities, problems and obstructions that you face daily cannot be repaired while you are using old and outdated tools. If you take a modern mechanic’s toolbox and you place the toolbox of a mechanic of fifty years ago next to it you will find that there are major discrepancies. When you are confronted with something that needs repair and you do not have the right tool for the task at hand it can be very frustrating. We usually improvise and try using some other tools and hope that it will also get the job done. ........................
When you are faced with a problem you need to select the right tool for the task at hand. If you do not have the tool in your toolbox it can complicate your life. What most people seem to ignore is that it is sometimes better not to reach for your toolbox when faced with a problem. Sometimes you need time to pass or need to leave the problem with its rightful owner. How well you use your tools is usually reflected in the world you see around you. What would you do if you were faced with any or all of the following? .........................
You get a flat tire on your way to an important customer or meeting. You can fall apart, develop a migraine and think that life is against you or you can take out the right tools (patience and reality) and take care of the problem in a relaxed manner. ........................
You have been working on the computer for hours and suddenly lose all your work. You can drop dead with a heart attack; think that God hates you or you can take out the right tool (sanity and reality) and begin over and this time remember to make a backup of your work. ....................
A lover or wife possibly cheated on you. You can go crazy and get an assassin to take out the potential threat to your relationship, think that you are a failure or you can take out the right tool (no fear of loss) and get on with your life. .......................
When you have the right tools in your toolbox it makes life a lot easier. The choices we make are vital in our lives. The more quality choices we make during any given day the higher the probability of success and peace of mind. ................
I suggest that you equip your toolbox with the best tools you can lay your hands on. It is important to upgrade if you discover that one of your tools are outdated or that a more modern version is available. How would you react if your TV packed up and a technician that obviously knows very little about electronics arrived at your house with only a sledgehammer and a few other primitive tools in his toolbox? I am sure that you will send him away and find someone better qualified and equipped for the task. .....................
You might sometimes be like this incompetent and poorly equipped technician indicated above if you do not often update your tools (thoughts) in your toolbox. You can also have all the right tools in your toolbox and never use them because you are afraid that you might make a mistake. ..................
You must remember that happiness and success is always just one thought (tool) away. You should remember when you find it difficult to cope with something that one new tool (thought) could change your life. One fresh thought and one new idea can change your life from pain and suffering to success and peace of mind. ........................
You are today what you were programmed with yesterday. The choices that you make on a moment-to-moment basis decide your fate and future. You can never feel or perform better than the ongoing thoughts and feelings that you allow to occupy your mind! .......................
The mistake we make is that most of us live our lives on a reactive basis. We start and complete our day in a reactive state of being. Something comes to our attention via our five senses or via a thought in our mind. We automatically slip into the “role” that we created for ourselves many moons ago. We act, react and experience the same feelings and emotions that we embedded with our scrip at its inception. We do exactly the same when new stimuli push the previous “drama” off the stage in our minds. We sustain this reactive mode of thinking until we finally go to bed at night. Most of our days are made up of a tapestry of “roles” that we played in our own colorful way. It is important to understand that nothing is going to change until we do something different. We cannot repeat the same old recipes and expect a different outcome. ....................
You can use the “Portable Life Skills Wisdom” book to develop a range of appropriate scripts that you can use when you are faced with a problem or project that need your attention. You will if you apply the scripts in this book find that you no longer run your life on a reactive basis. The new scripts will help you to live your life in the moment. You will become more realistic. You will treat each event on its own merit. How do you do this? ......................
The Process ....................
Read the first message in your book. Write it down if at all possible. It will assist you to absorb the data provided. Now sit back and close your eyes and visualize how you will apply the specific message in the various areas of your life. See yourself on the screen of your mind using the message in all your day-to-day activities. It is important to attempt to feel and experience the benefits that this new mode of thinking will bring into your life. Do this for ten minutes. Then open your eyes and begin to apply the wisdom on all occasions where appropriate in your activities on that given day. ...........................
Proceed to do the same with second message etc. in your book tomorrow. You will upload almost a thousand powerful recipes if you sustain the process indicated above. You can in less than three years upload a powerful “tool” system that will serve you for the rest of your life. This can be a life changing experience if you apply it daily. You will discover that the ten minutes you invest daily will upload countless new strategies into your subconscious computer. Build a successful and happy life. The key however is action. You can have the best tools available to man and still fail if you don’t use them daily. Wishing you the very best with this endeavor. .............................
Daily Support System (This Blog) ................
You not only have the massive key ideas in the book that you can use when appropriate you also receive daily posts on a wide range of subjects that will expand this system to a level never offered before. Visit this blog daily for fresh new ideas with a sprinkle of historical wisdom that stood the test of time. ..........................
Rene