Being Sexualised

Posted on August 3, 2016

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As a woman on the internet who frequently shows a lot of skin, I am way too familiar with being sexualised. Let me tell you something from the off – it never gets easier to read and there is no way I can just brush it off or not let it fuck with my mind and my view of my body. Some things stay with you; no matter how many people try to tell you to react differently. This post will be about my experiences with The Gross Men Of The Internet. If you are not one of these then no need to protest or apologise. This post isn’t referring to your actions – never change.

Women get half naked and very naked for a whole host of reason. There are women who perform or get naked for those who are attracted to them: some are in porn, some are glamour models, some are cam girls and so on and so forth. When those women invite people to interact with them in a sexually explicit way – crack on! Tell her about what you want to do with your throbbing fuck stick and her majestic breasts. She is consenting and that makes it ok. But guess what (and this may blow your minds)… this does not give you free reign to sexualise women who aren’t inviting you to do so. You can sit at home with a tub of vaseline and go to town on yourself over pictures of Freya’s latest bikini range photos, but the minute you start leaving grim comments on some poor woman’s social profile WHO HAS NOT INVITED YOU TO DO SO…well, that’s when you need to reassess your life choices and possible switch your internet off for a bit. There’s a difference between a yes and a no. That’s like the barman making you a round of drinks and charging you when you just nipped into the pub to ask if you could use the loo. It’s like parking your car on your drive and having someone come and crush it like it’s at a junk yard. It is a violation.

As someone who strips down for the sole purpose of educating people and providing an inspirational resource for those who wear bras and dresses and everything else I review, I never ever welcome these comments. To be honest, the fact that I do it to educate rather than titivate doesn’t really matter – but for me it just makes it all the more shocking. No one is safe. Nothing is sacred. You post a photo of yourself in a sports bra to show the fit and tell others why you like it and the next thing you know, three men are discussing how they want to watch you run naked to compare/stick their worrying looking Nik Nak between your boobs/how sexy gawjus plump you are. It doesn’t seem to matter that my bio says I am married. It doesn’t seem to matter that I have several photos of me actually getting married as my profile and cover photos. These men lack respect and the ability to see me as a human. When I talk back and I called a bitch, a whore, a slag. I am mocked. Their friends get involved. I am told to not take things so personally. So seriously. Men actually seem outraged that I dare take back the control that they have wrenched away from me by reducing me to a few holes and some boobs. They want to be able to comment ‘yeah, I’d fuck her’ without actually processing that I do not want to be fucked. I do not want to be objectified. I don’t care about your dick.

I know what some of you are thinking – ‘George, don’t get mad. You should expect the comments, you should expect to be sexualised – afterall, you are posting half naked photos of yourself on public forums! If you can’t handle the comments then cover up!‘ – but that is not the answer. You see, these gross and graphic comments do not get left by a virus or a robot, they are left by real people who have a choice. A choice between doing what’s right and what’s harassment. Yes, the sight of a scantily clad woman might excite and arouse. If women talking about the fit of a sports bra are what get you off (rather niche but still legal) – great! Whatever tickles your pickle! Arousal is an involuntary reaction to a stimulus and all that. BUT you do not have to tell the poor unsuspecting person every single seedy thought that floats about in your noggin. Me not being online in my underwear merely stops me being on the receiving end of some jizzy declaration of lust – but the intent is still there. And it’s needs to stop. Get a diary, phone a friend, go somewhere remote and scream it into the ether. Because when you tell me all you end up with is me feeling repulsed, blocking you, reporting you and sometimes, if the mood takes me, showing your wife what you have written.

I am here to stay as a lingerie blogger and someone who hopefully helps empower women to feel happy in their skin and with their size, although every day I feel like I am losing control of my reach. But I won’t be silenced by the sound of a thousand lonely men jerking off into socks. I am here for the women. Women follow me because they like seeing a body like theirs wearing bikinis and tight dresses. Your onslaught of rancid comments about me and my ‘BBW’ body will hopefully not knock all confidence out of them and colour their opinions of the male species. I don’t need your validation. I don’t want to be found fuckable. I don’t always have to be sexy. I don’t want to be reduced to a pair of boobs and a big bum. I want to be Georgina, blogger and mother of rats. I want to present my body on the internet and not feel sick to my stomach at the vile comments it gets. I want to educate without knowing how you masturbate.

Of course, the phrase ‘think before you type’ is applicable to everyone on the internet, but if you are spewing out lusty comments with one hand whilst your penis is being grasped with the other then you really need to redirect the blood flow for one second. Not all spaces of the internet are meant for you. You don’t always need to comment – harmless or spunkful. It is not a compliment to be told that my boobs are fuckable and my arse would look great on your face. It is not a compliment to tell me you would like to sleep with me. It is not a compliment to be told how much you prefer ‘thick girls over twig bitches because there’s more to kiss’. It needs to stop.

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26 Comments

Yes, 100% yes! The whole – “well you put yourself out there so you should expect it/deserve it” crap is apologist nonsense. These are our bodies and what we do with them should be fully under our control wether its a picture on the net or walking down the street, we do not ask for or invite harassment!

Right on, sister. Your body, your choice, I think there is a deep disconnect where many men have been socialized to believe that women exist FOR them in some way – to sexualize, to judge, to covet, to [whatever]. A startling number of male humans do not understand the extremely basic fact that women are people, doing what they want to do for their own reasons. Men: women are not thinking about you nearly as much as you believe that they are! Sometimes a woman in a bra is just thinking about the bra! Not about your sexual thoughts and feelings.

As a female person with big boobs, I really appreciate women who are blogging about bra fit and so on. Even after switching to buying my bras at a local specialty boutique, I’ve come to realize – through reading bloggers like you – that I was STILL not wearing the right size and style of bras. Thank you for what you do, good for you for letting people know what your boundaries are.

Excellent piece. I totally agree with your sentiments. I really appreciate your blog and find it both helpful and affirming. I am glad the minority who are ruled by their “dumb stick”s are not going to stop you.

Hi George! Big fan of the blog and your social media stuff. Great post, dead on and it sucks that you and so many have to deal with this rubbish. I imagine their inner dialogue to be something like this – ‘Wait this woman is doing something for herself or to help inform and entertain people who aren’t me? Unacceptable, I demand that all culture be specifically dedicated to me and my needs at all times, even if my needs aren’t really ‘needs’ and I’m ludicrously over catered to in every aspect of society and entertainment already, even if it’s just a way of spewing hateful venom to illustrate my pathetic desperate grip on power by making other people feel horrible, I demand everyone’s attention at all times! Booooooo!’ But less coherent and more sweary, obvs. The idea that other people exist purely for ‘use’ is horrible and completely fucked up yet disturbingly pervasive. It starts with comments on a blog or in the street, but the more its accepted and encouraged the deeper the roots of this nasty behaviour grow. Call it out!

To the gross dudes, jog on pal, we’re all super busy living our best lives over here xxxxxx

I’m sorry you experienced this and I do NOT want to negate your experience, but, unfortunately, it’s really just part of the “Internet”. Saying it doesn’t HAVE to be this way is like saying humans don’t have to be human. There is an ugly side of human nature and it’s not just in regards to sexualizing everything.

My experience on Facebook was to not only be constantly “hit on” but to have people rabidly attack and argue with EVERYTHING! People get internet balls and just think they can do and say whatever they want. Things they’d never say to someone face to face. It’s the ugly truth of technological interactions.

This should be a lesson to us to stop putting Internet interactions and technology above face to face. Can you walk through a store without seeing the vast majority of people with their faces buried in their phones?? Some people can’t put that shit down long enough to pay attention to their kids! Worse, they set their kids in front of screens and then wonder why things like “ADD and ADHD” exist!

That’s my small rant about it. I do hope yours made you feel better, too. Unfortunately for both of us, ranting is all we can do. In my case, I got the hell OFF of Social Media.

When I write on my blog, it’s for me, not for anyone else. I take more time interacting with my family and friends face to face now. In fact, it’s shown me who my real friends are, the ones who stay in touch WITHOUT facebook!

This is an awesome post! I’m so sorry you gave to deal with these selfish and self righteous creeps, but it’s awesome that you’ve taken a stand. Your blog is wonderful – educational and inspiring I hope some of the folks reading this learn to become better humans.

So well said, the limp brained morons hide behind anonymity, no way would they dare to utter their filth if they had to take personal responcabilty.
Love your blogs, keep them coming, your a joy.
Gillian

Hiya Georgina,
Well said. As a woman who has been following your blog for quite a few months, I am actually horrified that you have had this sort of unwanted attention (to use a polite term).
I admire your blog and your work. It is educational for women like me. I wish it had been around when I was younger and dealing with these kind of issues without the support and input of other women like you.
I am too old to care much about my appearance any more, but I do like the Lady Voluptuous dresses. I have never been able to wear dresses as my body was a 16 in the lower half and a 22 in the upper, so I just gave up looking for – or indeed caring about – any nice clothes. I just wore what I call my ‘uniform’, a skirt and t-shirt or polo shirt.
Without your input into the creation of some clothes which actually suit, and fit, a larger sized woman, I would still not have the option of wearing dresses. I still have problems wearing a dress – there is still a part of me that says: “you should not be wearing a dress”.
One thing that I will say is that my opinion of my body size was unduly influenced by ignorant women in fitting rooms of bra departments saying things like “oh we can never get a bra in YOUR size”, as if I was some kind of freak.
So having you, and other women like you, modelling plus size clothes and plus size lingerie is empowering for women, and so it should be.
I am glad you are not going to hide yourself away as a result of the harassment you have received.
We, the plus-size women of the world, need women like you to stand up where we could not.
Just by the way, I did find that my large breasts served me very well when they were called upon to do what nature intended: feed babies. I am privileged to be the mother of two fantastic sons (now adult), and I was able to nourish them very well with those ‘too big’ breasts.
So keep up your educational work, Georgina, for women like me across the world.
Cheers from Susan in Australia

Brilliant post, well written and so right!! no one has the right to demean you in that way no matter what!

I have been following your blog and IG fro quite a while now and I am a bigger lady who suffers from depression and anxiety and I always look at you/your dresses/underwear/bikinis/food/fitness and think “that is a beautiful and empowered woman” and it reminds me that I am too!

You help so many women to love themselves and you speak out about a whole range of topics to which you feel passionate about!

As a fellow big-busted lady, thank you so much for the work that you do for us women. It’s horrid and disgusting so many men treat women like this, and the fact that the sexual harassment extends to the blogosphere (when we’re specifically avoiding being in public, we’re IN OUR HOMES!) is infuriating. Thank you for your conviction to stick to doing what you do and continuing to be public, as a human woman with a brilliant mind *and* a bosom, and being a lovely resource for the rest of us. With you in solidarity xxx

I like and agree with everything you women are saying in here.I had the same relationship with my former in laws including my former in law for being more busty than them. The in laws including my former mother in law said they were glad not to have big tits like I do but were glad that I have bigger ones(breasts) than they do.Cathy

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Having a larger bust can make shopping a nightmare. Having a larger figure can make you weep with frustration in changing rooms. I have both and I am here to share and learn how to make the most of it.