BREAKING: Trump Passed Out At Rally Because Someone Put Something In His Diet Coke

A black Muslim man who was working at Donald Trump’s Sunday rally in New Plantington, New Jersey has been arrested. Dominic-Rafiq Islam is being held without bond in what appears to be an attempt on President Trump’s life.

Toxicology reports from the President’s hospital visit after he passed out mid-speech revealed high levels of spiritus stercore, a deadly poison used by rival crime lords to assassinate each other in the inner city. Traces of the substance were also found on a can of Diet Coke the President had drank earlier.

Fortunately, the level in Trump’s blood was only enough to incapacitate him, not kill him.

Originally, hospital staff suspected it was simply exhaustion – Trump has been working non-stop since day one to make our country great again – but fortunately Steve Bannon and Anthony Scaramucci, who spent the day at their President’s side, insisted that further testing be done.

Islam is a regular at Black Lives Matter rallies and has been connected to at least two incidents of rioting. How he managed to get a security clearance that would allow him to slip the poison into Trump’s drink remains a mystery; the Secret Service is remaining tight-lipped about this.