Snark Patrol

Opinions, snark, more opinions, and things that catch my fancy

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Snarkatron Solves the Budget Problem

The Congresscritters are quite busy earnestly assuring us that they HAVE to raise the debt limit because there is just no way to cut the budget enough. One star for finally realizing that raising taxes is, inexplicably, unpopular. We've still got a lot of debt from previous unbalanced budgets to pay off, but first things first. I have some carefully thought-out ideas that should fix everything.

1) Any rich celebrity/financier/whatever who states, without duress, in public, "They should raise my taxes," or any variant of the same, shall be immediately issued a tax due statement by the IRS for the value of 50% of all assets. Not income, assets. If the statement or variant is repeated the next fiscal year, the same tax bill shall be issued again until silence or bankruptcy results.

2) All previously instituted Federal taxes, fees, and payments of any kind that are used to fund the Federal budget will be rescinded. Instead, Congress shall pass a budget that has all their wish lists for funding for all the crucial institutions of Western Civilization, e.g. cowboy poetry competitions. The Congressional Budget Office shall then apportion to each citizen their share of the bill, using a formula that rates each individual's assets (including yearly income) as a percentage of all citizens of the country combined. Only citizens are allowed access to any Federal service, also green card holders and other legal immigrants will be assessed an estimated fee which must be paid to either enter or stay in the country.

There you go! Guaranteed no-deficit budgets! Now if you will excuse me, I need to sign up for a hot tar and pitchfork franchise. Once people truly understand how much money Congress is spending and it comes directly out of their pockets, I expect a return to the values that made this country great--enraged mobs.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

I am a Shoe Hacker

I have always been envious of the small children running around in their clever LED light-up stompy sneakers. In a cruel twist of fate, small-minded shoe manufacturers seem to think that people with big feet (NOTE: I did not say "grown up" people) do not also want clever LED light-up stompy sneakers.

Well. I didn't spend years of my life in a dark laboratory to be told "you can't do that", so I did. I now have my own clever LED light-up stompy sneakers. Below, my very first YouTube showing them in action -- PLUS! Instructions on how to do it your very own self!

Thursday, April 07, 2011

How Things are Different Now

Politics have changed. Used to be, if you were in the narrow section of the demographic pie in a given city/state jurisdiction, you were screwed. Didn't matter how hard you fought, how many signs in your yard, even how much money you donated. The numbers were simply against you. Living in the soggy corner of the map as I do, I know my Congresscritters, Inslee and Murray, do not give a tinker's damn about my opinion because they can get re-elected just fine without it. It doesn't help when the local Republicans pretty much press-gang a reluctant candidate that can't be bothered to really campaign, either.

So I get involved in *other* state elections. I don't have oodles of cash to donate, but I like my money to be put to good use. In other words, where it might have an actual effect. This is the cool thing about the current political environment -- using the magic of the internet I can find out about a candidate for state or federal office anywhere in the country (Alan West, for example) , and help THEM get elected. Once in Congress, a vote is a vote.

I suspect we will be seeing more of this. And why not? What members of Congress do affects everyone in the country, not just the constituents of their particular state. If my voice is diluted where I live, I can make it stronger by focusing somewhere else.

Wednesday, April 06, 2011

Snark Patrol goes to the Movies: Sucker Punch

I went to see Sucker Punch armed with the knowledge that all I was expecting was explosions and cool special effects, and that the critics hated it. Usually that's all it takes for me to really enjoy a film. The special effects are indeed stunning, and I now know that to be truly effective in combat you need stylish footwear. The main character had an emotional range that consisted almost entirely of pouty suffering, but there were other, more worthy candidates for my attention so I didn't mind.

That said, it is a dark movie. Bad things happen to good people. I went to a matinee and it was definitely worth the money. Not wanting the hours of my life back. However, it could have been much better and I can see why some people hated it. I'm not sure they knew the real reason why they hated it, but as a writer I have a suspicion.

(Further analysis below the fold. I can't tell you why the movie failed without major spoilers. You have officially been Warned.)