Monday, March 7, 2011

Above The Influence of ........their opinion

OMG!!!!!! pleaaaaaasse shut up.....

I'm so tired of talking, reading, and thinking about relationships. Honestly, it's out of control - as a woman I can't escape the chatter; talk shows, therapy,random conversation with friends, blog topics, magazine articles, etc. I don't need anymore advice or opinions; wear more/ less make up, work out (skinny is in) don't (curves are the biz), smile more (but not too much you may get taken advantage of), settle ( no ones perfect), don't settle/ compromise on anything ( money, house w 2 car garage, and white picket fence - Does it matter that he may be a workaholic who you'll never see? ).........

Uh, I've already come to the realization - I'm perfect in my imperfection, worthy and deserving of love. Oh yea, by the way....I don't want to live in the suburbs and rather a family orientated guy.

* huge sigh*

I spent my 20's in a long term relationship (mini marriage) because I fell hopelessly in love. But, I stayed past the relationship's expiration date because I was afraid of starting over. Afraid of starting over? In retrospect, my thought process was just absurd " afraid of starting over" ......I was 25. I should have been enjoying my life, creating memorable experiences, finding my self, been flexible,and embracing change which always translates into spiritual and emotional growth.

Unfortunately, I didn't do that.....I allowed myself to react to the relationship hysterics"try to wrangle a man even the wrong one before you end up alone". Although, I didn't necessarily believe in the chatter - I still did dumb ish to be safe. I've never had a problem attracting a man. All of the men whose honored me by aligning their lives with mine for whatever period of time ... loved me (still do). The majority of my relationships's have been serious but none have lasted more than a few years. Our relationships were laboratories for growth. We came together until there was nothing left to learn individually or as a unit. All of my most profound relationships ......just happened. I didn't look for them which is telling......

In my experience, whenever I forced a union for any reason; dating someone I'm not attracted to out of fear of being alone or "missing out on something that could be "it" -it's ended with disastrous results. We as women need to tune out all the white noise and focus on ourselves and enjoying our lives. Men do this because GI Joe didnt come with a castrated GI Jane. We can't plan our happiness around a person because there are too many variable; mostly he or she may have an objection or two.

The result of allowing everyone else's fear to seep into your subconscious is dissatisfaction with oneself, tension, influenced actions, and unnecessary stress . I'm by no means saying don't date - I loooooove men and their company *wink*. I'm just suggesting living in faith versus fear and focusing on our selves, our desires, intuition, and things important to onesself versus living under artificial pressure or fear.