Hi, I’m Jenny Mollen, an actress and writer living in Los Angeles. I’m also a wife, married to someone more famous than me, which is especially annoying because all the free clothing he gets never come in a size small.

This is my book, an assortment of stories about not doing the right thing. Yes, it’s about me. But it’s also about women, who all come in two types: those that are totally batshit crazy, and those that are liars.

It’s a book about acting on impulses, plotting elaborate hoaxes, and refusing to acknowledge boundaries in any form. Like hiding in the trunk of a car to get a look at the girl who used to fuck my husband. Or pretending to have a seizure on a red-eye to New York in order to explain why my dog is balls-deep in a bag of Pirates’ Booty burrowed in the lap of a sleeping child.

Life is too short for bullshit. I’m 33 and my tits drop half an inch a year. Someday very soon, ladies, you and I are going to be whatever fetish comes after “cougar,” unable to wear shirts without sleeves, and full of cell phone cancer. It is our obligation to be honest with ourselves about who we really are and what we really want. Which more often than not is someone else’s email password.

So let’s embrace it. I Like You Just the Way I Am is a book about taking the high road―as long as it intersects with the train tracks my ex-boyfriend is tied to.