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We now live in a country where you shouldn't say "Merry Christmas" because someone might be offended. Go ahead, America, keep taking Christ out of our schools, government, books, college campuses and Judeo-Christian holidays and see what you get, which will be a lot more of this.

You wanna say shit like this, fine: stick your neck out and make a prediction--and be willing to dump your claim if it doesn't work out. Let's say the Alabama legislature passes a resolution saying that Alabama is a Christian State, and they pass a law saying they will hang a banner across the statehouse that says "Merry CHRISTmas, Bitches!" next November 26th. How much of a reduction in Alabama's murder rate can we expect? Five percent? Ten percent? Can we look forward to an increase in crop yields? How much?

"But, but, but, God's not a genie! He doesn't work like that!"

OK, you're his bestest little buddy. You're the one with the Personal Relationshiptm with him. How does he work? I mean, he does work--i.e., actually do stuff, right? Right?

"Well, we didn't have these school shootings back in the 1950's when the women and darkies knew their place now, did we, smart guy?!"

I don't actually know that for a fact, but I'll grant it. We did have lynchings and polio and smallpox and the real, legitimate fear of being annihilated by honest-to-FSM, no-shit COMMIE FREAKING NUKES. People knew--actually knew--that Yahweh wouldn't erect any miracle forcefields over the U.S. to protect us from them, even though we did add "under God" into the Pledge of Allegiance. Otherwise, we could have saved all those TAXES (OMG! ScaryscaryscaryGovernmentGovernmentSpendingSpending!) we spent building nukes of our own as a deterrent, right? We'd have never needed the air raid sirens or the "Duck and Cover" exercises, and we wouldn't have needed to vote for Reagan and more TAXES and DEFICIT SPENDING (*scream of terror*) to fund SDI. Right? On the other hand, if Yahweh isn't gonna protect us from NUCLEAR ANNIHILATION if all our store clerks say "Merry Christmas" rather than "Happy Holidays," what makes you think he'll stop the occasional school shooting? Also, isn't it even a little sacrilegious of you to proclaim that God is like some Mafia don saying, "Cute kids ya got there. Be a shame if somethin' happened to 'em"--over such trivialities as people mouthing (or not mouthing) "Merry Christmas?" Really? Really?! Blasphemy aside, it also exhibits a profound lack of imagination. Yahweh can create a Cosmos of at least a hundred billion galaxies with a thought, and he's omni-omni infinitely awesome in every conceivable way--and "Merry Christmas" vs. "Happy Holidays" is up there near the top of his list of concerns?

By the way Mr. McKean, what kind of sick bastard do you gotta be to actually gloat over the murder of a bunch of little kids? "See? I told ya so! This happened because everybody doesn't do everything my way! Those kids wouldn't be dead if this country smelled like my urine![1] Remind me again why the rest of us are supposed to look to you and your ilk for moral guidance?

That's really what all this sturm und drang about "Merry Christmas" and "God in government and schools" is all about--the White Protestant Fundamentalist Tribe demanding that their markings be sprayed all over the nation so that everybody else knows they're the alpha.