SF Wireless ISP MonkeyBrains Tries To Crowdfund $325 Million For A Satellite

from the or-something dept

Well, this is amusing. San Francisco wireless ISP MonkeyBrains (who some friends use and love) has posted an IndieGogo crowdfunding project in which they're seeking $325,000,000 (yes, that's $325 million) to build a satellite to deliver internet access. The "tiers" are interesting. The lowest is $5,000 (two people have claimed those already!) but then quickly escalate to $10 million for the second tier. Of course, if you pay that, you get a gigabit internet connection for 5 years (only 5? guys, c'mon!). The full description of the project is worth reading:

Abstract

MonkeyBrains is a local ISP in San Francsico. North Korea just launched a satellite; we want to as well.

The Cost Breakdown of Launching a Satellite

A quick internet search reveals that this is the cost for getting a satellite into orbit:

Trust Us

Some people just can't beleive we want to make the Internet Faster and Cheaper (and more Out of Control) than it already is. Your money will be spent well, and San Francisco (and possibly -- if funds allow) the entire Bay Area will benefit. We have set this fundraiser as Fixed Funding, so there is no risk of sending MonkeyBrains a little bit of money from your wallet without many other people feeling the same way.

Obviously, this is a joke by MonkeyBrains, but it's still interesting to see. It appears that they're trying to use this as a bit of a marketing effort -- not all that different from some of the products we've offered for sale in our store. The reason people like crowdfunding goes beyond just the money-raising part to the fact that it can also be an effective marketing platform. Here, it looks like MonkeyBrains is testing out the marketing aspect with little likelihood of actually using the fundraising part.

Oh, and don't miss the video, in which they explain their plan to use UFOs to deliver little pieces of internet from the satellite to your computer.

The "Dear Bay Area" Rant...

I want to bring to your attention that a local ISP called Monkey Brains, is attempting to acquire $325,000,000.00 for a sattelite designed to bring faster internet to the Bay Area and Silicon Valley.

Normally, I'd find it amusing, your part of the country tends to come up with a lot of internet companies with catchy names. I thought Google was a funny name, until I realized what they were able to accomplish.

Anyways, Monkey Brains should be an example for you. First of all, over a period of 3 to 7 years, you couldn't read a CNET article or comment in any Bay-area tech magazine without someone whining and complaining about AT&T unable to provide service. My phone and cell service is fine! In any situation, if your able to acquire $325M, please look at yourself in the mirror, and consider lobbying for less strict design standards for buildings and community planning/development.

If $325M goal can be reached, it means that your design standards have caused a $325M problem.

Then again, you know what? Go ahead and continue to have AT&T DSL. It works real well, where cities work with utility companies to develop smart services.

Re:

that is "Best Case" assuming zero processing time, and the equivalent delay you get when the other party talks through the bird, so you can instantly double that, then add a whole lot more.. you get the picture.. (eventually)..

Re: So uhh...

Well, *IF* someone actually gave them $325M, it would likely require all of the following--

1. fancy name change, likely to something like "MicrosoftNetwork" or "MSN",
2. only use Internet Explorer
3. require a Hotmail address
4. have blocked services so certain games won't work
5. have special discounts on Windows Mobile Phone hardware.
6.require special dialer software that only works with Windows.

But

7. The Bay Area design specs will quickly be updated to not allow dishes larger than 10", rendering the entire effort useless. Bawhaha!

Inside every joke is a brutal truth

First the monkey provided inexpensive ultra fast wireless internet. Many laughed "Oh those crazy guys" They jumped over the hurdles clicking their heels. Why because the barrier was set both technically and commercially so low by the big guys. Now that's funny. The crowdfunding idea is a hoot, as are the UFOs bringing little bits of the internet to your home. The brutal truth is that there are or soon will be ways to break the copper shackles on a large scale. Someone will do it. Maybe Rudy and the gang. Or perhaps it is a jestful telling of the future... Like father like son.

Re:

Google has no plans for SF yet. They have run into the same issues with fiber as Monkeybrains. The city really won't allow it. They have their own, very expensive, fiber network. Though, look for Monkeybrains fiber possibly this year.

Re:

I'm guessing a service like this would be for massive data transfers and not the average users home service. You would have on the average of 900 to 1500 ms lag. I had a satellite internet connection years ago before I moved into town and that was the average lag I had.

There are some things it would be really good for though.
Downloading/Streaming huge files. "fap" lol
First person shooter games.
Babysitting.
A outdoors microwave.