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Just moments after U.S. Special Operations forces discovered what appeared to be a
100-acre chemical weapons plant south of Baghdad, French President Jacques
Chirac appeared on national television to announce that France was vetoing the
discovery.

"The United States may think they have found a chemical weapons plant, but I say, no,
they haven't," Mr. Chirac said. "And they can't make me say they have."

Throughout his speech, an unyielding Chirac said that no matter what the U.S. finds in
Iraq in the future, he would use his "super-veto powers" to nullify any discoveries they
might make.

In just one example of his intentions, the French President said that even if the U.S.
produced a videotape of Saddam Hussein launching a nuclear missile tipped with
chemical and biological weapons, he would veto that tape "without batting an eye."

"Veto, c'est moi," Chirac added.

Turning his attention to the NCAA basketball tournament, the French President said he
was "rejecting" the results of the weekend game between Maryland and Xavier, adding
that Xavier, not Maryland should be on the road to the NCAA championship.

"Contrary to reports that Maryland defeated Xavier 77-64, I maintain that in fact Xavier
triumphed over Maryland, 108-62," Chirac said.

JWR Contributor Andy Borowitz, a former president of the Harvard Lampoon, is a regular humor columnist for Newsweek.com, The New Yorker, The New York Times and TV Guide. Recognized by Esquire magazine as one of the most powerful producers in television, he was the creator and producer of the hit TV series The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and producer of the Oscar-nominated film Pleasantville. He is the author, most recently, of "Trillionaire Next Door: The Greedy Investor's Guide to Day Trading" and "Rationalizations to Live By". Comments by clicking here. Visit his website by clicking here.