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My first question is why do you care if they are straight? What if you meet some bisexual guys you hit it off with and they were already dating, for example?

I just think it starts to get tough when you're auditioning people for a specific role that involves other people. Life just tends not to work like that, when you're putting people into boxes. It seems that the best things in life happen organically.

Now if you're OK with parallel poly and the guys don't have to interact with each other at all, it should be pretty easy. It's just two separate relationships then, right? Although then I'd ask again why their sexuality matters.

I'm a little more than curious about a MFM partnership. I'm female and think I would be more fulfilled with 2 men.

My issue is finding 2 straight and poly men who are open to and comfortable with this arrangement. Is it REALLY that rare? 😣😣

You're looking for actual people, not anonymous "M."

The best way to go about it is to start dating, letting guys you meet know that you are not open to an exclusive relationship. Many men will be fine with this, as many horny men just want casual relationships. They may not care who else you screw, as long as they are getting theirs.

The trick is to find men who are actually familiar with and into polyamory, as you see it and want to practice it. They need to understand that one can be in a committed, respectful, full and loving relationship, without being exclusive.

Modern polyamory is a new thing. It's based on female empowerment. For millennia, women have been seen as sluts if they have more than one male lover. We are pioneers. We need to help people understand what polyamory really is.

So, first you find one guy who understands poly. Then maybe along the way you'll find another guy who does too. These are 2 relationships--you and M1, then you and M2.

It's what is called a V. And you would be the hinge. Here is where things get complicated.

Both of these poly men may have other lovers as well. They may not want to be monogamous just with you. That's one pitfall to prescribing this form of relationship.

Next, they may or may not want to meet each other. If they do meet, they may or may not like each other. If they do like each other, they may or may not want to have 3way sex. If they do want to have 3way sex, they may or may not have issues with touching each other.

If you want to add in cohabitation, that's a whole other thing to work out.

So, there you go. This should get you started on your education.

__________________Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

I think it would be hard to find two guys who were best friends, lived together, and were looking for a single woman to share. Your odds would be better if you were open to finding one guy at a time, like add one guy to your life, then, later, add a second guy. Make sure both guys know what polyamory is (you could tell them what it is), and make sure they're both open to it. To improve your odds even more, you could be open to either of the guys having another partner or two, either of the guys being bisexual, etc.

You have to figure out what is a must for you, and make sure that the guys you find are both okay with that. You can put this on your profile if you use OKCupid. I hope this answers some of your questions. Don't despair, it's not that rare, I am in an MFM V myself.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.

__________________Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"

I believe due to my age and background, there are different factors that come into play. I was introduced to more traditional primal customs at an early age where there werent the phobias or social expectations that we have in modern day society. Where Tribal, Colony, Group, Club, Team, etc,,,,, each have unique perspectives...... where I have found that using the name Poly always has a different meaning to everyone who uses it. The same as Spiritual for example. Making it difficult to find anyone on the same page wo arduous evaluations

the NSA Encounters I have been involved in have always been much closer than standard relationships. The barriers fade much quicker and Trust is much stronger because how the Communication excels.

The best explanation of Poly I have ever seen was that its supposed to be an open playing field and members of the group discuss their terms and decide on a policy to carry out and make their own rules. If anyone doesnt like it, they are free to discuss it and if things dont work out, then they are free to go to another colony.

right now, with societies failing expectations,,,, I think its time to do a regroup and gather up whats left of all these Ancient Primal Customs and figure whats salvageable and move ahead.

I am sure that many of you here are not old enough to remember, but prior to when the Gay Scene arrived in the 60s. I dont remeber any Gay Bi or Lezbe names, or any lifestyles. It was just a thing people did and no one ever said anything and nothing stood out about it..... it was just accepted..... it didnt need a Lifestyle or any identity.....

all the same sex stuff has gone on in glory for 1000s of years, until the gay scene jumped in the middle of everything and decided to make an issue about something. Before that there wasnt any. Now its just an icky dirty thing with a creepy attitude, thats made a mess out of a traditional form of life

Does rarity matter? Say you find a construction that works for you and your partner(s). Then who cares if it is common, rare or even unique. Follow your heart rather than the flock. As you are on this forum, I assume you are doing just that. There is no book with answers (unless you go religious) and things change over time as well. So my advice is to look into what you want and don't want in life, rather than what's seemingly achievable. For example, if you were to fancy a bunch of wanna-be-slaves, even that is possible. (another site though In fact, everything is possible. The only limits are of your own creating.

A lot of us simply ended up identifying poly, after knowing what we wanted in life and even acting accordingly. Then, all the sudden; hey, there's a name for it? Cool! I see some good advice already given. Here's mine: Follow your heart and be open about it. You'll be surprised how different people really are than what you've projected.

Does rarity matter? Say you find a construction that works for you and your partner(s).

There is a world of difference between finding a configuration that works for specific people that you're in relationship with already, and trying to find people to fit in the little box of a specific configuration.

In the former, you value the relationship over the configuration; you want something that works to keep everyone happy. In the latter, you value the configuration over the people in it.

Sounds fun. The thought of filling two or all three holes, is kind of arousing.

Polyamory is not about group sex.

__________________
40 something straight female
Married in the eyes of the government to Butch since 2001...
Murf my monogamous second husband has been with me since May of 2012.
In a V relationship with an average 50/50 split of time between my two husbands.