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Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Lower than a rapper's pants

Those of you who know, I wear many hats. Too many.

One of them, I'll refer to it as my "bonnet," caused a monumental shift in Candyland...land...a few months back. In September, my employee position at "bonnet" was changed into an independent contracting position with fewer hours and instead of bi-weekly pay, I now receive direct deposit a month and a half ahead. In other words, I will work the end of December through [approx] January 23rd, but won't get a check until the very end of February. And so on.

With the recent birth of Baby S, things have gotten even harder. From pregnancy, he's been a needy baby. It started with the loss of fluid near his head causing me to be in and out of the hospital (= monumental bills piling up), then he died at birth. Thankfully was brought back to us but it was not without issues. He's had problems with different formulas and medications which they attribute to reflux. After we got our sweet Sully home from the hospital, his condition has only worsened.

It's been a pain in the arse. But moreso, I feel bad for him.

We've been in and out of the doctor's office and hospital for testing, he's been on different medications and formulas and even to the chiropractor. And because of his spitting up and projectile vomiting, the poor baby feels as though he's hungry all the time, therefore, we're going through formula like it's toilet paper. I don't know if that makes sense but we're going through a crapload. Haha. I made a funny.

Also, when a baby S eats, the end result is a pee-filled or dirty diaper. Thank BERT an old friend gave us boxes of diapers back in July or we'd be using whatever t-shirt we could pin up on the kid right about now.

The loss of pay, along with Baby S's problems have had a dramatic effect/affect/effect/affect/whatever on our finances. In fact, this Christmas was the lowest we've ever been. Despite my dear husband working as much as he could and me doing the same with 2 jobs (they BOTH pay monthly...) and raising two kids, the only way we could give them a Christmas at all was by doing the unthinkable. No, not that (no one would pay for this anyway). I've gotten loans on all my jewelry, including my beloved wedding band. It stings to be in such a position. Waiting for tax time so we can get a refund to pay everyone off, popping anxiety meds every time a bill comes, wondering where our next meal will come from...

We just can't get ahead after all that's happened.

I'm telling you this because I've nowhere else to turn. I don't consider you bloggers or even friends. You're family. Everything I've gone through, you've been there with me. You've been there for me after two miscarriages, for every New Medicine post-bliss ramble, but mostly, the times in between. When I felt as though no one was listening, there you were.

But this is different. I need something else. Any other time, YOU KNOW I'd happily raise money for the women of Ghana, or the AFSP and TWLOHA. I'd even give you my marrow. Just ask. Seriously.

I have no money, but if you ask me for a dollar, I'll dig through my cushions, count my change, until I find one to give you. I debated doing this but I'm so desperate right now, I have nothing to lose. We owe so many people...people who can take our car, kick child #1 out of school, turn off our electricity, garnish our wages...we're sinking.

I'm here to strike a deal.

While I've had to stop accepting MS and queries for critique due to time, I still have the following to offer! Anyone who makes a small (miniscule, even) donation to the charity of Candyland via paypal will receive one or all of the following:

-A creepy public love letter
-The word HUG on a piece of paper that I will mail to your door
-A New Medicine sticker. Because I have a trillion.
-A humiliating picture of me posted on the web
-Admiration
-Undying love and respect
-GRATITUDE

**ALSO: Guide to Literary Agents and Children's Writers & Illustrator's Market Editor CHUCK SAMUCHINO has come to me with a generous offer! Get your query or synopsis edited by the best in the business! He's offering his services at a discounted rate of $40, donated to me. I will then email Chuck your email address and he'll connect with you and edit within 1 week. If you need help with your query, this is a steal by a pro. Only 8 available. If you are interested, please put CHUCK somewhere in the donation notes. Email me with questions.

A little about Chuck: Chuck Sambuchino is the editor of Guide To Literary Agents and Children's Writer's & Illustrator's Market (both Writer's Digest Books). He is the author of the writing books Formatting & Submitting Your Manuscript, 3rd Ed. (2009) as well as Create a Writer Platform (Fall 2012). He is a popular presenter at writers conferences nationwide and runs the Guide to Literary Agents Blog (guidetoliteraryagents.com/blog), one of the biggest blogs in publishing.

He is also a humor book author, with his 2010 book How To Survive A Garden Gnome Attack being featured in Reader's Digest, USA Todayand The New York Times. The film rights were recently optioned by Sony.**

This is post not a joke, as much as I wish it were. Donate .01 to 1,000,000. I don't care. If you choose to read and move on, I won't be offended. In fact, I'm going to move on after I post this. What a stupid post. I don't deserve a handout, and I sure don't want one. Make me work for it. That, I can do. Name your price.
Send all pennies to candaceganger@yahoo.com and sparkles will combust in front of you. If you prefer, loan me your pennies and I can pay you back when the dust settles. You help me and I promise, when you need me, I will help you.

Isn't that what family's for?

I was going to delete this post after 48 hours but with a few encouraging emails I realized...my family needs all the help we can get right now...so...48+ hours later, here I am...

Candylanddesperate. OUT.

P.S. A few people have asked for a more direct way to help out. If you prefer snail mail, email me and I'll give you my address. Also, without being a weirdo, here's a Paypal button that's easier to click on instead of search.

Oh no!!! Of course, OF COURSE I will help! You seriously need to look into WIC (Women, Infant, and Children), though. When my husband lost his job a couple years ago and we had two children to care for, WIC literally saved us. It's not welfare or anything like that (because trust me, I understand if that's not a direction you want to go). It's all funded by a Non profit organization.

Oh Candace, I'm so sorry. I'm glad I came back to blogging when I did. I will gladly help out! Can you email me your snail mail address? I'm not very good with paypal...I think I have an account but it's been so long I have no idea what my username or password is, lol.

Oh Candace, I'm so sorry. I'm glad I came back to blogging when I did. I will gladly help out! Can you email me your snail mail address? (abbyminard@gmail.com) I'm not very good with paypal...I think I have an account but it's been so long I have no idea what my username or password is, lol.

Will be speaking to my spouse the moment he gets in the door for lunch about PayPal (the account is in his name).

I am grateful that you posted this.

You are loved, and it might not be as much as I wish it could be (where's my magic 'make the medical bills disappear wand', dammit, I know I had it somewhere...) but hopefully every little bit will add up.

I have to read the post again to look for it but if you get a second could you email your paypal email address to me at fireworksflowers at gmail dot com? It'll save time.

Love to you and the lil ones, geez, I feel awful that I didn't know you have gone through so much with Sully. Give his head a little kissy for me.

xoxobru

PS wish I'd have known about Christmas too- would have gladly given Santa a little 'help' for a toy or two...

I'm here because of Jess Hartley. I don't know you nor had I ever read your blog until today, but your story touched me. I know what it's like to be scraping together pennies, to exactly portion food out to last X number of days, to worry that things won't stretch quite far enough.

Now that I'm in a position of financial stability, I am more than willing to pay it forward to you as so many of my friends, family, and loved ones did for me.

I know that you are an incredibly busy lady, but I was wondering if you would be open to cloth diapering. It's truly easier than it seems and much more economical. It just takes a load of laundry per day or so that way you'd always have diapers.

I have many friends that make cloth diapers that would be more than happy to send you everything you need to get started.

At the very least, it would give you an option to fall back on in the event of a disposable shortage.

Oh, Candace, my friend!! My heart breaks for what you're going through right now. Stay strong. Your blogging family loves you dearly and we'll do what we can. I'm proud of you for being brave enough/strong enough to write this post. (((hugs)))

dude. i would've totally sent you money for nothing in return. Seriously. But i know how hard it is to actually ask for money from friends and family, and i've been in that situation before and how much better you feel when you're able to provide something in return.I would love a full MS critique from you. I'm off to send you some money. As much as i can spare.

Sent... please make sure you look for it! Couldn't think of asking anything in return. Just hope things will be going better soon. Want you to know my spouse is the one that insisted on the amount...he sends his best to you and the family, too. The picture of the kids really got to him, just wish we could have done more.

Just sent a nibble of cash via paypal. Thank MacNish for posting to FB, because I'm behind on my blogging duties these days! I have a 1-yo boy myself who's keeping me busy, plus a book and work and I have no room to complain, do I.

I sure hope things settle out for you in 2012. Keep the faith. We define ourselves not in the good times, but the bad. I usually define myself with beer. Lots of beer.

Buggin the hubs to transfer some moola over to paypal as we technically speak:) We are a family Candy and I hope things start looking up for you guys. It sounds like Sully has some kind of severe reflux. Not fun. Send me the deets to your paypal account- I could really use a MS critique when I finish this R&R for 'the agent':)

I know it took a lot to post this, girl. Sorry you guys are going through such a hard time. This economy truly sucks. You are such a giving person; your blog friends are happy to help. Sending a little somethin' your way in the mail this week.

Hi, I found your post by accident through... I can't even remember what social media now. But I know what it's like to grow up poor, and I will pray for you and your family. In the meantime, I've donated a little bit. I hope it helps!

I know we don't know each other, have never met, but I'm good friends with Matt McNish so there's a reference. I don't do paypal, but I would like to help, so if you wouldn't mind sending me your snail mail address I can whip something through the USPS.

Also, it sounds like your baby had the same thing mine did when she was little. I know how hard it is to watch him eat and then cry. I don't know if you possibly can, but try ORGANIC milk. 2%. It's double pasteurized (or homogenized or something). Whatever they take out of it, allows there not to be so much protein, so much gas, so much whatever to enter into the baby causing so much distress. It's wicked expesive, like $4- a half gallon, but I swear by it. It saved me a lot of heartache when mine was a baby. I think Walmart might even have a generic brand for a little less money. Just make sure it's organic.

hi miss candace. for sure you got my allowence for for the rest of my life if you could need it. i gotta help take care of my little brother sully and my little sister lillianna and mr eric and you. for sure all my familys gonna send some money. did you see how much people love you! wow! how cool is that. for sure i love you the most. :) im gonna call you real soon so we could talk...big hugs from lenny

I came here from Matthew's bog as well. I am so very sorry for what your family is going through. I sent a little something through Paypal. I so wish that I could do more, but as a single mom living on food stamps myself it's extremely hard. I will post your story on my blog and Facebook. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Came over from McNish. I've been where you are...on food stamps with two small boys and husband making 13,000 gross one year. I remember making dinner for $1.26! I was so proud. Anyway, I was just reading a journal of those years and it all came flooding back. You've got a humble yet forthright spirit about it. I'm going through my own cycle of crap but I have some money in my PayPal account. Unfortunately they sent me an email saying its frozen for 21 days because someone cancelled an eBay transaction (which they didn't cancel of course) etc etc etc. so I'll try the PayPal button and see if some of the funds can still be used or if they froze it all...assholes! Just in case, please send me the snail mail. I'll do what I can. I don't want anything from you but do hope and pray for peace and a respite from the financial stress.

Ha! What do you know! The powers at Paypal actually let me use MY OWN money (some of it anyway). Donation is under poboxams@att.net. I never use that email as its full of junk. Hang in there woman! Strength and self reliance are underrated. Humility an transparency and being able to reach out your hand in both directions is what makes you special.

I posted a link back to this on my blog just now- am kinda hoping maybe you'll leave this post up a little bit longer than originally intended so more people can see it (though I totally understand if you don't want to, dear one.) Also been thusly Tweeted.

You are one of the bravest people I know. I don't get to read blogs too often, but every time I read your blog, your honesty and courage shows through. After having given so much to help others, you deserve every cent. I don't know what much else I can do to help, but if there's anything at all, consider me at your disposal. I honestly can't imagine the difficulty you must be going through, just to fight to get out of bed another day, but you are more than amazing, and we all love you. things will get better - "All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well." But in the meantime, I'll be praying for you and the whole Candyland clan. I'm sending love and hugs your way.

your post was forwarded to me by miranda hardy. your story touched me and i sent what i could via paypal (it'll come from gabquette@yahoo). your humor throughout the post captivates what a strong person you are.

i wish the best to you and your family.

ps - my nephew experienced very similar "symptoms" to you son's, he too was rejecting formula, projectile vomiting, always hungry, etc.all dr's kept pushing them away - saying to try different formulas...but she persisted and knew it was something more serious, it ended up being Pyloric Stenosis and after an operation to his stomach - he's perfect...it sounds like you've had your share of tests but just thought i'd share.

My heart's in pieces for you and your sweet family. Don't lose hope -- you are so loved in the blogging community and I can't imagine the joy you bring to those lucky enough to surround you in the real world. Help is on the way!

Don't hesitate to keep us posted and be sure to say when more help is needed. If you don't end up doing another post like this but still need support, email me!! You have my deets, but just in case: nicoleducleroir(at)gmail(dot)com. Maybe there's something in my closet or garage that you can use, or a specific gift card I can send. Whatever else I can do to help, I'm here for you.

I know how it is to deal with a newborn who has a lot of battles to win and the crazy bills from the hospital.I don't know you or your blog. I only found out thanks to twitter.I really want to help (for nothing in return) but can't use paypal.So snail mail will have to do.Please hang in there.

I'm another of those you don't know, but wants to help. Nicole Ducleroir sent me your way. I'm a short story author that just finished my first novel. More importantly i'm a wife and mother that knows what it's like to watch the bills pile up, see the propane tank run dry, and fix meals because they are REALLY cheap .. not because they sounded good.

We are struggling, but your story reminded me that there is always someone out there that needs the help more than you do. I sent a small gift your way through PayPal from April Burger/Irish_Hussy69/SamborasGG. LOL Not sure which way it shows up for you. Either way, I wanted you to know I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers and wish you and your family the best of luck!

I'm so sorry for the bad that's come your way. It burns me up when good, awesome people are faced with such shitty times. I don't want to sound like a total goober, but from the time I stumbled across your blog, I've been in total awe of your frankness and humor. It's hard to believe that a person on the interwebs, whom I've never met, can come across as so honest and genuine. There have been times when you've posted things that have really helped me in a way I didn't expect to find in my blog travels, and I'm so happy that this kick ass community is rallying around one of their own.

You're going to make it through this. You're too awesome, and you have to much great shit to do. Thanks for remaining YOU in the midst of this crapstorm. I'll keep you, your hubs, and the kiddos in my thoughts.

Found this post from Matt's blog - don't know you but like the others, have been where you are. It sucks!!! But it also can be one of the brightest times of your life, looking back. (Looking back, I say, not in it.) Agree with the commentor who said Sully's conditions sounds like severe reflux. A friend's child had similar issues - turns out he was allergic to mom's milk, as well as several formulas. It took months to figure it out - they had to go w/ a soyless/milkless alternative if I remember right. Anyway, headed to Paypal now to see if I remember my p/w. Praying for you!!

I echo Talli's words, "Done. With love." I heard from Lydia Kang...I'm so glad you posted this. I know it couldn't have been easy to do. Just know that I've said a prayer for you and your lovely family. Stay strong. This too shall pass.

Actually, chica, you do deserve a hand up. When I'm about to drown, I usually have my Navy family to hold on to, and I don't feel bad when I have to turn to them because I'm there for them, too. And you're the same with your blogosphere family. You give so much. Sometimes it's okay to let others do the giving. I hope these hard times end for you soon.

Ooh...my heart goes out to you. Wish I had a real magic wand to make it all better. Wishing, hoping and praying that it all gets better soon. You should keep this up a little longer so everyone gets a chance to help out if they can.

Found my way here from Matthew's blog. Stay strong, I wish you and your family the best. Sending you an e-mail now to get your e-mail. Also putting a link up on my blog. I don't have as my followers as Matt, but every little bit helps. :)

I haven't been here to comment so often, but I have been following you for quite some time and I love your posts, just love them. I am sending positive thoughts and praying for you. You will get through. I have faced some very tough times this past year and my friends have really lent me a hand up. I am unemployed right now, but I can spread the word. Here is my email and I will try to find yours and get in touch. I might be able to send something, I just don't have PayPal anymore. melbwrites@gmail.com

Hiya Candace. Heard about your situation and had to come by. Smartest thing you ever did was start blogging and connecting with this fabulous group of people. Hope to get to know you more in the future. :))

I don't know you. You don't know me, but I think it only right to help you, as you have surel helped others. Call it "paying it forward" or whatever but I'm donating.

I don't know why I'm so touched by your post. I don't usually give anything of myself for fear of Internet backlash (you know what I mean) but I just can't help it. You're a fellow writer, You're a Mom, You're a human being in trouble and reaching out ... and I know that's gotta be hard. In my eyes you're a hero(inne).

Hey Candace, I don't know you but I know Lydia Kang from Query Tracker and she tweeted about your current situation. My heart goes out to you and your family. I lost my job in September so things are a bit tight right now, but I did send you something via PayPal. I read someone else suggested WIC and I can recommend it from personal experience. Would love for you to critique a query or MS of mine, but you've obviously got enough on your hands. Be well and strong. *hugs*

So sorry about your current situation. (((Hugs))) to you and yours. Not sure where you live, and you have a ton of responses, so someone may have already mentioned this: if you have a child with a medical disability as I do (not sure if that applies with your kiddo), there are options such as SSI and waiver programs (my son is on a waiver in our state, as we would go broke paying out-of-pocket for his medical expenses). Have you pursued these avenues. Believe it or not, there is a lot of help with local/state/federal agencies despite the economy. Just a thought. It's most definitely helped us.

Americans should not be bankrupted by medical costs. All other developed nations can provide top quality medical care to all citizens free of charge or minimal cost.In terms of the baby, try homeopathy. It can work with other methodologies and because it works on underlying causes and has no side effects it does no harm. It is slow but sure.

One thing that helped me was getting diapers on subscribe and save from Amazon.com. You sign up for the Mother discount (15%) and subscribe and save items are (15%). You can get a 100+pampers box for around $22.00. I saved soo much when I switched to that. You can also control when and how many shipments you get. If you need any other info email me elizafaith13@gmail.com

Also, gripe water. It helps with gas. Don't know if you tried that, yet. My prayers are with you and your family.

so weird. i had left a message yesterday and it seems to have dissappeared today! crazy strange!

anyway, i sure hope things get better for you. definitely try the WIC - it really helps with the basics. and the reflux will be okay. my daughter used to soak her clothes - and mine - multiple times a day. it's rough while you're going through it, but it's actually quite common (though that's not much comfort when you're baby is suffering).

Hi Candy - Over from Talli's link - mine's not much, but I hope it helps a little - l.bambrey email from paypal. I'll post a link for you tomorrow at Daily Dodo - please keep this post up so we can continue to spread the word for you.

My own finances are in the toilet, but I did give a shout on FB, so hopefully some of my friends have better potential. I really wish you the best and hope time flies until the first paycheck and refund can get you back on track!

Please send me your snail-mail address. I have never read your blog before today...found my way here through Hart's ^ post on fb. I went through a 10 month stretch-- out of work last year. It was tough, but life keeps moving forward. Today I am sending you a virtual hug along with an "It will be okay." Will send what I can via snail mail. I so wish 2012 brings an easing of your financial challenges. Hug those beautiful children!

Don't know if you've tried Nutramigen (probably), but my first had serious issues with formula and this was the one that worked. After that it was goats milk fresh from a goat farm, but I won't go there.

Thinking of you all. I am a parent and I know how hard it is at the best of times, but when they are sick... well I feel for you so much and I hope your little boy grows to be a strong and healthy man. Lots of love. xx

Honey, I'm so sorry. As soon as I get my pay check this month I'll send you some funds. Love you lots, and keep your head up. Everybody loves you and cares for you. And so do I. I know I've been absent for a while, but life had been a huge kick in the butt for me lately. Thinking of you, and will send you some money as soon as i can. Love you xoxo

Done! I don't have much but gave a little. I am so sorry you are going through this. I am a new follower and saw your blog through Jessica, Glynis and Matthew on FAcebook. Social networking rocks! Sending you positive thoughts.

Jessica and Glynis posted your link on facebook - and as Tracy wrote - SN is a wonderful supportive place. And Jessica has said what a wonderful person you are and in answer to my question "is she/this the real deal?" she has said you certainly are . . . I'm sorry things are so difficult right now, and how brave of you to post this . . .

Saw Dorothy Dreyer's tweet about this and realized I'd just gotten my advance from Noble YA Publishing sent to Paypal; it's yours and only wish I could have added more zeros to it! Someday, and best to you in 2012!!!

Oh, Candy, I'm sorry I'm sooo late to this...I've been busy and not making the blog rounds very well (and I haven't see you around in a long time either). I'm so sorry you are going through such hard times. *squeezy hugs*

I'm so sorry to hear of your troubles! Very glad for Baby S's resurrection--but how hard it is to be parent a newborn, any newborn--then when you add the issues in...

I'm going to try to donate--PayPal hates me too--but I wanted to make a further offer. I'm just a little ahead of you I think in the publishing game--just sold my debut novel after 11 years spent trying to break in--and I teach writing and publishing. If you'd like to offer an hour's free coaching and advice, I would be happy to donate that. (The normal rate seems to be $100-$150/hour so--whatever you think). The writer can discuss his or her publication journey so far, ask for resources, contacts, or discuss a work-in-progress--anything. I'd really be happy to help, so if this seems an inane offer, but something else occurs to you--please just ask.

And best of luck to you and yours. Things will get better. They have to.

So sorry to hear you're going through such a hard time. My books have been doing well lately, so I thought I'd pay it forward by sending a donation through Paypal. (through my aol email addy which begins with Mary. Don't want to post it here as I keep it separate from my writing one.)

Hi, Candy. Found you through Matthew McNish. My two toddlers both have a stomach virus right now, and even with that, I can't begin to imagine what you're going through. We writing moms have to stick together, so I sent you a little something (abpug). When you're able, I'd love a critique of my novel opening. Trying to figure out which of two ways to start it.

You are so brave to face these problems with humility and love! Have sent you an email and will help however I can. We have ALL been there and I am praying for your whole family, that things improve sooner than soon! Love from Jenny @ The Modest Peacock.

This is my first time stopping by after finding your blog through another post. You are a strong woman to stand up to ask for the help that your family needs. As someone else mentioned, have you looked into WIC? We had to use it for a few months while we were getting back onto our feet last year.

If you will, please e-mail me your address and the size diapers (and if he is sensitive to a certain brand) that your son wears :) My e-mail is caitlinblane(at)gmail.com

My son was a tricky feeder - refused 'me' and it would take 40mins to get 3oz formula into him before he brought it all back up within the hour. He was always crying and'health professionals' just told me to keep trying! :-/

By thd time ge was 11 weeks he was a sickly and miserable infant. Luckily, a wise, older, neighbour said to try him on barley water (boil up some barley, strain off the water into a bottle and feed him that) - he took it readily and didn't throw up - so with a combination of that and runny baby rice he never looked back.

2 years later a new doctor determined he was lactose intolerant! Once he avoided milk products he was fine - now a strapping 25yr old!

Might be worth seeing if your boy has any food intolerance - my son was able to return to a full diet within three years, his digestive system just needed to mature, they said!

Second of all, I'd donate, but my account is negative (it's always been a pessimist). So, I am making you a promise. I am a server at a diner. I will donate to you 5% of all the tips I make this week. Consider yourself my hostess.

You're a brave woman to come out with it all, and it's motivating me to get my ass in gear in my own life. So, in a sense, I am simply paying you back.

Oh Candace! I'm so sorry! (sorry to be late to reading this too!) I can't imagine how stressful that all is. Send me your snail mail? (paypal and me...we don't get along) Have you tried goats milk with Sully instead of formula?

Hello! Just saw your post from Literary Rambles this morning. I hope that things are going better. A donation has been made (through my husband Martin's account). Here is to a great year for you and your family. Clearly you have much love and support around you to pull you through!

Unfortunately, I don't have money to donate to you, I've found myself in a bit of a financial pickle at the moment, but I truly hope that you can find your way out of it. Good luck to your family. I know that asking for money is hard, and sometimes receiving it can seem even harder, but just know that you deserve it. God bless.

Love is the movement. Rescue is possible.

About Candyland...

I sometimes go by my real name, Candace Ganger and I have a head, I swear.
Born in a small village on the outskirts of Ipanema...wait, that wasn't me. Though I was a musician, I'm currently an author of all things YA, an avid road runner, and (obsessive) lover of New Medicine & The Used.