when life sucks you under, you can kick against the bottom, break the surface, and breathe again. I learned that in the face of the void — or in the face of any challenge — you can choose joy and meaning.

The easy days ahead of you will be easy. It is the hard days — the times that challenge you to your very core — that will determine who you are. You will be defined not just by what you achieve, but by how you survive.

Personalization – the belief that we are at fault. This is different from taking responsibility, which you should always do. This is the lesson that not everything that happens to us happens because of us.Not taking failures personally allows us to recover — and even to thrive.

Pervasiveness – the belief that an event will affect all areas of your life. There’s no place to run or hide from the all-consuming sadness.There is more to life than your grief. The world keeps on revolving.

Permanence – the belief that the sorrow will last forever. For months, no matter what I did, it felt like the crushing grief would always be there.

think about how much worse things could be.Finding gratitude and appreciation is key to resilience.find that gratitude — not just on the good days, but on the hard ones, when you will really need it.

I hope that you live your life — each precious day of it — with joy and meaning. I hope that you walk without pain — and that you are grateful for each step.

And when the challenges come, I hope you remember that anchored deep within you is the ability to learn and grow. You are not born with a fixed amount of resilience. Like a muscle, you can build it up, draw on it when you need it. In that process you will figure out who you really are — and you just might become the very best version of yourself.