The Priority of Being Present

Gospel of Luke 10:38-42 NAB

Jesus entered a village where a woman whose name was Martha welcomed him. She had a sister named Mary who sat beside the Lord at his feet listening to him speak. Martha, burdened with much serving, came to him and said, “Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me by myself to do the serving? Tell her to help me.” The Lord said to her in reply, “Martha, Martha, you are anxious and worried about many things. There is need of only one thing. Mary has chosen the better part and it will not be taken from her.”

Meditation Reflection:

Theologians and spiritual writers often reflect on this passage as a teaching on the active life of service and the contemplative life of prayer. I find it also provides rich insights into the life of family. Martha’s home – her welcoming love and hospitality – together with the company of her sister Mary and brother Lazarus, became a place of respite and comfort for Christ.

His relationship with their family began with Martha’s initiative as He entered their village. Just prior to this passage, Luke recounted the many places and people that either failed to receive Jesus or rejected him outright. Martha however invited Him into her home and served Him with gracious hospitality.

In family life, welcoming children begins with a similar openness toward receiving others whenever they arrive and a readiness to serve. In fact, in Luke 9:48, Jesus confirms this connection when He teaches: “Whoever receives this child in my name receives me, and whoever receives me receives the one who sent me.” Oftentimes however, parents become “burdened with much serving” like Martha. Babies require constant care day and night, young children need continual help, and pre-teens need a frenetic amount of chauffeuring.

The Lord appreciates every sacrifice we make. Things get out of balance however when we allow our work to become a source of anxiety and worry. Jesus did not scold Martha for working too hard, He voiced His concern for her anxiousness. Her worry had begun to undermine her ability to be present in the moment and began to skew her perspective. When she tried to drag Mary into her frenzy Jesus prevented her and gently helped Martha see where she had crossed the line.

Pope Francis also noted this challenge to modern families in his newest apostolic letter The Joy of Love. Citing responses he had received from the pre-synodal questionnaire he had sent out, he acknowledges:

“Many of the respondents pointed to the problems families face in raising children. In many cases, parents come home exhausted, now wanting to talk, and many families no longer even share a common meal. Distractions abound, including an addiction to television…Other responses pointed to the effect of severe stress on families, who often seem more caught up with securing their future than with enjoying the present. This is a broader cultural problem, aggravated by fears about steady employment, finances, and the future of children.” (Amoris Laetitia, par. 50)

My watershed moment like Martha’s occurred at Christmas time several years ago. My three kids were young and yet also old enough to have new Christmas traditions of our own and we were going to host Christmas for our extended family. As a result, I had grand plans worked out into an organized to-do list so that we could accomplish everything from home-made frosted sugar cookies the kids and I would make together in Christmas shapes to the FoodNetwork recipes I would make for the family celebration. That all came to an abrupt and painful halt when I became sick with the flu one week prior to Christmas day. As the flu persisted and Christmas approached my stress level reached breaking point. My mom called to say hi but instead had to methodically walk me back from my emotional cliff. She went through my list with me one task at a time and asked the simple question over and over again: “and what would happen if that didn’t get done? And what if that didn’t get done…”

Although I had loving intentions behind each task, the element of service had been usurped by a ball of worry. My mom, like Christ, gently gave me perspective. Consequently, with the help of a great deal of divine grace, I surrendered our newly established Christmas traditions and accepted that we could do them next year. I scaled back my expectations for hosting, humbly accepted help, and recalled that spending time together was the most important thing not the elaborate meal. Since then, with the help of prayer and grace, I have worked to keep my life in better balance.

Christian service is not an end in and of itself. Rather, it’s a loving encounter with another person. Whether it’s care for kids, elderly parents, a disabled relative, or dedication at one’s job, we all need to make sure we keep the persons we are serving at the center and resist letting the tasks distract us with worry from the people whom we are caring about in the first place. Jesus loved visiting Mary, Martha, and Lazarus because of the warm hospitality and because of the personal love, faith, and fellowship that they offered. Despite our technological advances, we have become busier as a culture rather than more relaxed. It requires intentional effort and grace to put people first and to be present in the moment. It’s no small task to order our lives in such a way that we can work hard and have time to stop and listen to those we love. When we become untethered by our to-do list, Mary appears to just be sitting around doing nothing. Jesus reminds us that personal attention is just as important a “task” as the others, if not more important.

Mary chose the better part. We too must pray for the grace to choose to spend time doing what feels like nothing with our kids, parents, and family; to just enjoy being with one another. Similarly, we must choose to make time to just be with Christ so that our work remains in service to Him imbued with His love. No one claims they treat their family and friends the best when they are stressed out and anxious. By “practicing the presence of God”, as Brother Lawrence’s spiritual classic teaches, God will provide the peace we need to practice the presence of others as well. It will be counter-cultural, and you will have to let go of competing with the super-moms and the super-colleagues, but Jesus assures us that choosing to be present to the people we care about over a frenzied attitude over work that needs to be done is the better part and we shouldn’t let anything take it from us.

Consider:

Prayerfully consider how present you are to Christ.

Do you make time to sit with Him and listen?

Do you think of Him during the day or while at work?

Do you enjoy silent prayer or struggle with the feeling that you are “doing nothing”?

Prayerfully consider how present you are to your family.

When are your favorite times to connect?

What special moments do you recall with your parents or kids where you felt loved and listened to?

What things undermine your peace and your ability to focus on those around you?

What causes you to become stressed and distracted?

How could you re-order your life or adjust your expectations so you can resist unnecessary anxiety and give your loved ones the best version of yourself?

What do you need to take care of yourself so you can be a peaceful, present person?

How much sleep do you need? Be honest!

How and when do you relax?

What are your quirks or limitations it would help to acknowledge? (For example – running late makes you stressed so make an effort to arrive 5 minutes early or you need a bite to eat every couple of hours so make time for good food, etc.)

Pray for an increase in the virtue of Hope. Consider how worry can be combated by trust in Jesus. Jesus says, “Seek first the kingdom of God, and all these things will be added” (Matthew 6:33). Pray for the grace to prioritize your life according to God’s will, then allow Him to make sure everything else gets worked out.

Reflect on the reality of our limitations: limitations of time in a day, energy, the need for rest and food, etc. It takes humility to live within our limitations but being more realistic about what we expect from ourselves and others as well as what we say yes or no to can greatly reduce unnecessary stress.

Make a Resolution (Practical Application):

Read “The Practice of the Presence of God” by Brother Lawrence (it’s a small, thin book but sticks with you)

Make a list of priorities. Then make a list of your schedule and activities. Prayerfully evaluate if they align and make adjustments. Schedule in time for God, time to take care of yourself, and time for serving your family and at work.

Each day choose one person to whom you will be present and attentive. If possible decide who, when, and how. (It can be as simple as asking someone at work about their day at lunch or visiting with your kids at the dinner table.)