My mother-in-law, my older daughter, and I rented a car and drove from Seattle to Portland during our Pacific Northwest visit. I insisted on driving, of course, because of the whole control thing.

Then, when we left our hotel for the cookbook signing the next night, I insisted on driving again. The whole control thing. Again.

I used the GPS feature in our rental car because I have no idea where anything is or how to find it without a voice telling me specifically what direction to turn and when. Feel sorry for Marlboro Man. Feel very sorry.

Unfortunately, the GPS lady—I have decided to name her Svetlana—sensed that she had some out-of-towners in the car with her and that one of them was expected to be at a local bookstore at a specific time, and proceeded to tell us to turn left instead of right, which caused us to be six minutes late to my cookbook signing, which caused my armpits to gush violently.

Svetlana and I are no longer on speaking terms.

My traveling companions dumped me at the front door and I left my camera in the car. Fortunately, I’ve trained my girl well and she grabbed it before she and my mother-in-law headed to the store.

I gave her a quarter for that one.

My poor, wonderful mother-in-law. I drag her all over the place. I can’t help it. She’s fun to travel with. She likes to explore, and coffee is important to her.

My girl is a budding photojournalist!

And there’s the entrance to the mall.

There’s my girl’s favorite store, the one to which her grandmother said they didn’t have time to go because “we have to hurry up and get to your mother’s cookbook signing.”

Resentment will soon set in.

There’s the store—waaaaaaay down on the end. I went in the wrong entrance and had to jog it.

Yep. That helped my armpits.

That’s me. By the time my daughter and mother-in-law reached me, I had darted up to the podium and started talking…into an empty mic stand.

It’s true. I grabbed the mic stand, lowered my mouth to the top of it, and said “I’m SO SORRY I’m late! The GPS unit led me astray!”

Of course, no one heard me because I was talking into an empty mic stand.

We won’t talk about how my armpits were further affected by this moment. You can use your imagination.

Fortunately, someone had shown up with a Basset Hound. This saved the day for me.

I think her name was Maggie.

I didn’t sniff her paws. But I sure wanted to. Would that have been bad?

Too bad you didn’t sniff Maggie’s paws – because they do smell exactly like Fritos!

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Jennifer On Friday, April 30 at 9:58 am

Well, ya’ll come back now ya hear? I wasn’t able to make it to Portland to see ya. It was my daughter’s birthday and the ungrateful punk didn’t want to go to a book store in Portland. It really ought to be my day to do what I want since I’m the one who did all the work birthing her but whatever. See ya next time!!

Ra On Friday, April 30 at 10:01 am

Portland misses you, too!

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Carissa Pierce On Friday, April 30 at 10:01 am

That boy is too cute. He would have stolen a part of my heart also!

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Aimee On Friday, April 30 at 10:02 am

Oh man! That’s MY old neck of the woods, I have to visit this exact bookstore every time I go home to visit my parents, to the point that my hubby tells me I can’t go anymore. Wish I had been there, maybe I would have had more luck in Portland than Denver! You look great! As usual!!

Jenn On Friday, April 30 at 10:02 am

Liz Knapp On Friday, April 30 at 10:02 am

My hometown! I love you Portland! One day I’ll be back! — Glad you loved it to P-Dub!

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emilia On Friday, April 30 at 10:02 am

love the basset in the stroller!

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Diane On Friday, April 30 at 10:03 am

Awwww adorable pictures – the basset hound was so sweet and the last little boy and all the ones inbetween – such wonderful people!

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Marian Djurovich On Friday, April 30 at 10:03 am

The people of Portland are wonderful, open, warm and genuine. The area itself is beautiful, with lovely landscapping, excellent Museums, fantastic bookstores, a preserved downtown, a glorious Tea Garden, and, of course, don’t forget the rain.

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Amy On Friday, April 30 at 10:04 am

Could you just do book signing tours for the rest of your life? We would all love to meet you!! Oh, I guess you want to live your real life on the ranch, too?
That little boy in the last photo is absolutely adorable! What a sweetie!!

Cindy On Friday, April 30 at 10:06 am

The last shot of the little boy? My little six year old girl smiles JUST LIKE THAT!!! That sweet, innocent, precious way of smiling and making your heart jump and tears of joy fill the corners of your eyes…..and everything is right with the world!! I know that smile well.

kittenz On Friday, April 30 at 10:07 am

It was a fun evening. My friend and her daughter, who brought her 3 week old baby girl, got there at 4 pm and stayed til 9:30 to get your autograph on her cookbook. Oh, and btw, Svetlana mislead you within the city limits of Beaverton, not Portland. (Not that I’d let that ruin my 1 year relationship with you and your site be ruined.) And I was sitting next to the 13 year old boy-he and his mom are learning to cook together from your cookbook. :o) blessings on your day!

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Deidre On Friday, April 30 at 10:08 am

I was there and Ree was great. I waited around for 3 hours to get my book signed but I eventually had to leave and but my kids to bed. Maybe she will come back again and I can get it signed.

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Karen M. Trueman On Friday, April 30 at 10:08 am

It sounds like you need at least 2 or 3 more babies. I’ll talk to Marlboro Man about it!

ah… the universal “hairstyle” on the 13- year-old. my 14-year-old works hard every morning to ensure that his hair flips… just so.
Any plans to visit Canada?

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Susan in Colorado On Friday, April 30 at 10:11 am

Looks like fun and can’t believe that someone actually brought in a Bassett!! To cute..except for the babies of course…

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annie On Friday, April 30 at 10:12 am

We’re so glad that you enjoyed your visit to our lovely state. We all appreciate you so much! Please, do come, again!

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Marty On Friday, April 30 at 10:12 am

love, love, love, love Portland…..

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mylifeintune On Friday, April 30 at 10:12 am

I lived in Portland for 18 months and LOVED it. I’m in love with the Cedar Mill area. Glad you enjoyed it–hope the weather cooperated while you were there…

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KAY GUEST On Friday, April 30 at 10:12 am

It looks like such a good time at your book signings. Wish I could have seen you in December when you came to Atlanta. AND Bakerella was there too! OHHH! So sorry I had to miss it… Maybe you could swing by sometime?

That is my mall! HA! I grew up in Beaverton, OR. I can’t even tell you how far that mall has come. When I lived there all it had was a magic shop and a $5 or less clothing store. I wish I had known you were going to be there, I would have sent my mom! It’s fun to see a little slice of home. I’m in the process of moving from Mississippi to Phoenix, AZ and haven’t been home in years. (Looks kind of overcast… I think I remember why I haven’t been back in a while). Portland is a fun city, though. I’m glad you got to experience it!

Jackie On Friday, April 30 at 10:13 am

I’m glad you made it to the Pacific Northwest. People who’ve never been have no idea how amazing this part of the country is. I have my silly little blog post on your visit here:http://www.fromthenarrows.com/2010/04/pioneer-woman-my-bff.html
It was lovely to meet you and worth the wait. Hope you come back sometime.

nancy On Friday, April 30 at 10:14 am

I was tripping over that Bassett’s stroller all night. It was covered with a blanket and I was so worried there was a sleeping baby inside. Imagine my….surprise… when I found out it was a pooch. Okay then!

What a crowd, eh, Ree? I thought Paul McCartney was in town. Except there were a LOT of babies there! All adorable and all there to see you!

Anonymous On Friday, April 30 at 10:18 am

that is quite the adventure! that bassett is adorable…and why would it be weird if you sniffed his paws? you mean that’s not socially acceptable everywhere…?!

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Christienne On Friday, April 30 at 10:19 am

It’s true, all dogs paws smell like Fritos!! My Ridgeback’s toes do too! People think I’m crazy when I say they do so thanks for validating me!

And don’t get me started on GPS! My first time with GPS was in FL with a rental and it was not fun. You would think getting to a major landmark like an airport would be EASY for the GPS. Afterall it was preloaded in the GPS and I just had to choose the landmark I wanted to go to. Yet somehow I ended up in the middle of (literally) nowhere when she said “You are at the Ft. Lauderdale airport”… NOT!!

Wow. You’ve done a superfantastic job. You should be proud of what you’ve accomplished out there on the ranch with your blog. (normally I would insert some sort of sarcastic/funny/in-no-way insightful remark here) I will not do that this time. Good job and congratulations on your success!

Nicole On Friday, April 30 at 10:25 am

PLEEAASE come to Pittsburgh!!! We’re so jealous of all of these other wonderful towns who get to meet you!

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Heidi On Friday, April 30 at 10:26 am

That made me miss my home town! We’ll be there in a few weeks and I can’t wait. Fortunately, we know the way and don’t need to rely on Hillary Roundabout, our GPS.

67

Choteau21 On Friday, April 30 at 10:27 am

I was so happy to hear you were coming to Portland, and imagine my total surprise when I arrived at Powells @ 5:30 … the crowd was awesome (and very disappointing – I wanted to be the only one there LOL!) Needless to say, I didn’t get a ticket, or a seat and was reduced to standing for the most part on the fringe of the crowd – but what was really funny was the young man who introduced you was standing by me talking to another employee while we were waiting for you – he was making big plans to get you to the stand and he said it felt like a “Rock Star” was coming – imagine how funny it was when he realized you came in from the other direction and was standing at the front talking with no mic! LOL! Priceless memory – and I did get my book and a semi-good picture of you on my cell phone – please come back so I can get me well used book signed!

vicki On Friday, April 30 at 10:27 am

Our GPS “lady” is Susie to us, and the bitch has led us down some poor roads and twisted paths to our destinations. I of course am forgetting all the times we ignore her and through persistence she reroutes us back to the correct way to our destination…………

Oh my freakin’ ovaries! That photo of the lil man at the end of your post was so incredibly adorable. His wave, his expression, his eyes… he even blew the baby pics outta the water and that’s saying a LOT!

CaliJilly On Friday, April 30 at 10:40 am

Mary Lou On Friday, April 30 at 10:43 am

So you make me happy that I can’t afford a car with a GPS. I can only deal with “visual directions”, like turn left at the Walmart and right at the big gray barn! Try Mitchum Clear Gel unscented antiperspirant-deodorant it works very well. And we love your cookbook the whole family even the chef.

That second baby made me chuckle out loud. I agree with Jenny at 67 on the kid at the end though. Awesome. I hope his mom sees this post and gets a copy of it. But of course she will, unless he was some random kid who happened by and waved while you were signing books…

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anne On Friday, April 30 at 10:43 am

I’ve heard many + about Portland and would love to visit that part of the US at some point in time. Glad you had a great time, minus Svetlana but you made it there; that is what is important!

Also, I wish my dream job were in Portland because it looks like an awesome place to keep cycling with kids!

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Melissa On Friday, April 30 at 10:44 am

Gosh! You’ve just got to be the sweetest, nicest person on the planet. In today’s world, I always wonder if there are people out there like you – that love people just because they are people. I can’t wait to meet you… someday…

Rose On Friday, April 30 at 10:53 am

Ree- We loved having you! My girl, the very first book you signed, still talks so fondly of the journey that we took to meet you! Who knew that a 6 year old could be so patient? She waited without complaint from 10 am (after about an hour drive) to 6 pm for you! We did barely make it thru dinner after however. Come back anytime!

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lisa On Friday, April 30 at 10:58 am

Wow, its very strange to come to your site and see pictures of what I see every day! I actually am on my way to Powell’s again (I practically live there) today

It was so wonderful to see you in person, although briefly for me – I missed most of it because my daughter had soccer practice. But I did get to peek at you for a minute, and I have to say I really love your boots – they are awesome!

What wonderful photos of sweet young monkeys and Portlanders…is that right?

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Meme On Friday, April 30 at 11:00 am

OMG – the boy at the end – those eyes and cheeks! What a cutie!!! Makes you wanna pinch them suckers.

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Kathy from Canada On Friday, April 30 at 11:00 am

I think you should make the trip to Nova Scotia!
can you bring Josh with you?
did your daughter get to shop at Claires?
it’s “my girlies” fav store too. I say “my girlies” that way because I was their nanny for 10 yrs and the 4 are partly mine.

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Kathryn On Friday, April 30 at 11:00 am

I’m the mom of the “13” year old, Skyler. First a correction, he turned 14 March 17th. Hearing Ree was coming to town was hands down the best birthday gift he got this year. He wanted to marry her, until I convinced him that a. the age gap is a little to wide, and b. he would have to get through MM first. So he did set his sights on her daughters. Marrying into the family is the next best thing. Yes, he did meet her daughter, and Ree’s MIL. All of them were so sweet and wonderful to my kids, it was a very special night for them. Thank you Ree for being as warm, sweet and gracious in person as you are on your blog.

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Melinda On Friday, April 30 at 11:01 am

Our GPS goes by the moniker ‘Gypsy’. She tends to go where she wants and likes to take the road less traveled…

Aeschine On Friday, April 30 at 11:03 am

HAHAHA…I named my GPS…Pippa. She has a british accent and everything. She also tells me “Slow down you tosser!” when I go over the speed limit. (Something my dear one installed…I don’t know why he would do that…this is Atlanta…there are speed limits?!).

I know what you mean about “Svetlana” and her annoying habit to send you the wrong way when you are in a rush to make an important appointment……she ALWAYS sends me on a wild goose chase! I end up all flustered and frustrated for my meeting and struggle with my presentatio. I now have a habit of aiming to be 1 hour early

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Lindy On Friday, April 30 at 11:11 am

Ree, I fell in love with you from the article in Woman’s Day–I asked for your cookbook for my birthday and got–love it Girlfren! You are so funny–I moved from the big city–as a shopaholic–to a little resort town–I know change, but love every minute of it. I am enjoying your blog–keep on. Lindy – Lake Havasu City AZ