They’re all older now. 585 Mets games is a long time. But the characters were the same, reunited again years later. Carlos Beltran was back the lefthanded batter’s box, again watching an Adam Wainwright curveball break into Yadier Molina’s glove. Low and inside this time. Ball one.

Probably much like everyone else, I wondered what was going through Carlos Beltran’s mind in the second inning of last night’s game. Was he thinking about everything we fans have been thinking about for the last 1,377 days? Was his mind off in the parking lot, back in that moment, still lingering in the soft neon ghost of Shea? How could it not?

And did he hear the tepid applause that marked his return home for the first time this season, and did he wonder why it wasn’t louder? Does he already understand why it wasn’t louder? Does he know why?

He must know. The Mets great center fielder must know by now that many people made a judgment about him — about what was in his heart — 1,377 days ago when he didn’t swing. In a single moment, in a half-second, they decided that deep down Carlos Beltran was a coward, selfish, soft. They decided the player with a higher postseason OPS than Ruth, than Gehrig, than Aaron, than ANYONE, was just a choker. Carlos Beltran struck out with the bases loaded in the ninth inning of game seven, and that was all anyone needed to know. Nevermind that Beltran took them to the gates with arguably the best season by a Mets position player ever. Nevermind the eight runs and four RBI in the seven game series. Nevermind that he scored the Mets only run that final game. It became instantly forgotten; all that remained was the final image of Beltran sinking away from the plate as the Cardinals celebrated.

At the same time, it’s not just that. There are other reasons that Beltran is not overwhelmed with adoration. Many of the things he does so well — his intelligent baserunning, his graceful fielding, drawing 90 walks a season, scoring 115 runs every year — are the sort of skills that require some deeper thought to appreciate. Another part may be that he is a player from one culture playing in front of media and fans primarily of another. Four of his six seasons on the Mets have been marked with lost time due to injuries. He’s generally quiet, he doesn’t smile a ton on the field or in the dugout. All of these things contribute to the sometimes icy receptions from fans. That being said, I think most of the uneasiness comes from that one at-bat; I suspect he knows that.

We, as fans, all have it burned in our minds, but sometimes I wonder if Beltran is haunted by that moment most. I wonder if that inning eats at him more because it was the biggest moment of his career and he didn’t swing. That was his time and he struck out. We all know that fans question Carlos Beltran; I wonder if Carlos Beltran ever questions Carlos Beltran.

I remember him talking about it in the papers a while ago, that he wanted to be up in those big spots for the Mets again. He talked about wanting that moment of redemption — maybe that’s what drives him now. Maybe that’s why he played meaningless games last September on a bad leg. Maybe that’s why he’s playing with a bulky brace now, running with knee damage that cannot be really healed but only “tolerated.” Instead of having microfracture surgery in January — a Frankenstein knee rebuilding that allows basketball players to bounce around again after a lengthy recovery, a procedure that I’ve read about so often through this that I would feel fairly confident performing one with some chloroform, a scalpel, and a bit drill — Beltran had surgery to just clean out his knee so he could play part of this season. These don’t seem like the actions of someone who is “soft” or scared of pain. These seem more like the actions of someone who is borderline reckless, desperate to play and prove that he can come through despite the pain. Someone who needs to be on the field just in case that moment comes again.

The second pitch from Wainwright was a fastball, belt high and away. Beltran drove it to the opposite field, down the third base line, the ball bouncing up and off a fan’s hand for a ground rule double. Now there was applause, louder, welcoming Beltran home. David Wright moved from first to third on the play; he scored the Mets’ first run since Saturday on an Ike Davis groundout a moment later. The Mets scored six times off Wainwright, driving him from the game after five innings. Beltran was 2-2 with a walk in his three appearances in those innings.

But that wasn’t the moment Beltran was looking for. In some minds, it was an echo of a missed opportunity and some measure of revenge; in reality, it was nothing of great importance. Just a rusty veteran at the plate, batting for a skidding team against a hot pitcher on a warm night near the end of July.

But games must be won in July to get back to October. He is limping about now so that he might limp about then. And I think that’s where Carlos Beltran wants to be, maybe more than anyone.

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2 responses to “Being Carlos Beltran”

>Professor Flood, I've been away a little while so I'm just catching up with this piece and the Josh Thole one before it. As usual, both these posts are well-written, thoughtful and thought provoking. Thanks for the time and effort you invest in this blog; it's a pleasure reading here!Carlos Beltran is a compelling character. In a lot of ways he is poorly suited for being a star in New York, with his low key, quiet nature and his tendency to never show his emotions. Jeter is somewhat in the same mold, but he engages with the press and has had a presence in the NY nightlife scene over the years (not to mention that he doesn't speak with an accent.) Beltran, to the best of my recollection, has never been like that. In a town that is drawn to the larger-than-life, outgoing and quotable superstar, Carlos Beltran keeps to himself. He'd be better suited to a place like, say, Kansas City, than he is to NY.He's never paid out on the promise of glory, either. He's played some great baseball for the Mets, but the specter of the '06, bases loaded, 2 outs in the bottom of the ninth, championship game strikeout haunts Carlos Beltran. Unlike Mike Piazza, who carried the team to the World Series, Beltran brought the Mets to doorstep and then fell down. The fact that the Mets' story since that fateful called third strike has been one of misery and disappointment just makes Beltran's failure more deeply painful.But the story isn't over, is it? Beltran's chapter in Mets' history isn't completely written, and it remains to be seen if he (and the team) will somehow rise up in the time they have left together. If it happens, Beltran will become one of the true Met heroes, like Seaver, Carter and Hernandez. If it doesn't, then Carlos Beltran will become a symbol of everything that went wrong in this period of the team's history, and that image of him watching the big breaking Wainright curve dropping into the catcher's glove untouched will forever be the visual embodiment of our crushed dreams.

>I agree. It was Beltran, not Wright or Reyes, who was the one in his prime for all of the disappointing Mets seasons. Because of that, most of the blame seems to find his shoulders, despite how well he played overall. If things don't improve this season or the next, I think Beltran's seven years with the Mets will unfortunately be remembered as a failure for the Mets.