Saturday, August 1, 2009

Step 1

This is my first post with a blog. A year ago I would have never considered the idea of sharing my most intimate feelings of Depression, Bi-polar, and PTSD. My hopes are that through my writings, I will continue to progress in my recovery and be able to share my newfound Ah-Ha moments.

I have been vacationing in the Outer Banks for the past two weeks and this is my last night to savor in the sound of the ocean and the vastness of the stars, remember the feeling of the sun on my face, the laughter at dinner with family and good friends. It will be these moments I now have to force myself to remember. The vacation has settled and grounded me until tonight. The sadness is overwhelming and the panic attacks are starting. My mind runs and I can't settle down to rest even though I am exhausted. I know it is time to go take my medicine; but once I do, I will go to sleep and I will leave this sancutary of mine for another year.

8 comments:

Sanctuaries come in different forms and places. GOD has new sanctuaries for you. He stands ready to heal your heart, soul, body, and mind. Take the sweet memories and the new adventures and hold them tight in your heart. Now, prepare for new beginnings and new adventures. Rest in your Heavenly Father's arms and soak in HIS presence!Blessings, love, hugs, and prayers, andrea

First, I need to ask what PTSD is? Post traumatic symptom disorder? I have suffered from depression and panic attacks and have been on medication for years. Prior to being on meds, I found that praying through my panic attacks helped some what. I still have them once in a while. When I do, I try to think of someone who is in a worse situation than I am, say a little prayer for them and then I realize I shouldn't be feeling so stressed. I also think of Jesus standing behind me with his hands upon my shoulders or even just embracing me around my shoulders. I know it's a very hard thing to come through even with medication.

I LOVE the Outer Banks! My family goes there every summer. It is a sanctuary! Andrea is right, God has other places of sanctuary for you and one of those places is in His arms. No matter where you are, His arms are always open and available!

Thank you for your understanding. PTSD is Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I developd this after my Daddy died 5 years ago of Toxic Shock. The doctors never could find what caused it. He lived 5 1/2 weeks. The disease litterly can distroy each organ one by one..unfortunately, Daddy was one of the ones that it attacked so aggressively.

I spent many of my childhood summers at the Outer Banks. Some of my happiest memories include those weeks spent there.

To this day I crave the sea and find solace, comfort and peace seaside. Something about the taste of the salt air, the feel of the sand between my toes and the infinite horizon makes me feel enfolded and embraced in God's love.

No wonder you are experiencing PTSD after witnessing your dad experience such tragedy. It is a reaction that happens often as a result of experiencing or witnessing violent or turbulent situations.

I am so blessed to still have both my parents, I can't imagine how I will feel when they are gone. I am so pleased to have found your blog and I pray you will continue to share your journey with the world.

If you read a post I made at my blog, Godly Graffiti: http://godlygraffiti.blogspot.com, you will know that I am sincere in my extending thanks.

It is an honor and great privilege to share another's story. I see you have met Andrea - one of those special souls God has sent to earth for all of us. I praise God she called on me to visit your blog.

Reading the comments that have been sent to me seem to settle my soul in a quiet way. I have felt so lonely and alienated today. I feel sometimes that all I ever do is say good-bye and never hello. I miss feeling whole.

About Me

I compare my life experiences of living with Depression,Bi-Polar, and PTSD to sea glass. Glass is beautiful and whole, each piece unique in it's own way, giving pleasure to all that comes in contact with it. Once the glass breaks it is thrown out to become forgotten. It is tossed and turned through storms, sinking in the still waters, pushed against rough sands and rocks not knowing where it will end up. And, as each piece is polished by sand and time, it becomes a beautiful piece of unique art again. Like the glass, I am working on becoming whole again. Each day is a new beginning in my daily journey of healing and recovery.