May 23, 2009

I’m a guy who likes to keep things real, so I really enjoyed hearing the story of a courageous 66-year old fellow named Lai Jiansheng, who gave a little ‘push’ to get traffic moving on a backed up Chinese highway (here). Apparently, some dude named Chen Fuchao was standing on a street bridge, threatening to kill himself; this scene had caused a five-hour traffic backup, as police attempted to coax Fuchao down from the bridge. Enter Jiansheng, a man who wanted to get traffic going. Jiansheng did what anyone would do in a situation like this: he walked up to Funchao, shook his hand, then pushed him off the bridge.

May 22, 2009

If you are a fan of 1st Battalion The Royal Welsh, as am I, then you, no doubt, heard that the Regimental Goat, William Windsor, has just retired. Below is a true and accurate picture of the Regimental Goat being led through a retirement parade by none other than the Goat Major Lieutenant Corporal, Ryan Arthur. William Windsor was presented with a gold pocket-watch for his faithful service as the Regimental Goat.

Okay, here is another example of what I consider to be blatant media bias, this time coming from ABC News. The front page of abcnews.com today had an article about Obama and Cheney’s dueling speeches. I didn’t bother to read the article because I felt as though, just in looking at the images that ABC selected, the article was definitely going to be slanted in favor of Obama. Can anyone seriously look at the two pictures below, put together, and believe anything other than the fact that ABC was trying to portray Obama as an all-knowing, suave statesman, while portraying Cheney as some evil, pasty lunatic politician of whom we need to fear? Seriously…it’s pure, full-throttle liberal bias.

May 19, 2009

Ahh…can you smell it in the air? It’s the smell of Spring Cleaning: that wondrous smell of rotten, moldy sack lunches being taken out of the work refrigerator, just as happened in San Jose, Californication recently (here). In the San Jose incident, an AT&T worker cleaning out the refrigerator at work was surprised to find a hazmat team responding to the putrid stench that sent 28 coworkers into vomitous spasms and which subsequently led to the full evacuation of the building. The worker that was cleaning the refrigerator couldn’t smell because of allergies.

So, how does an otherwise respectable office refrigerator end up becoming a cesspool of mold? Well, it generally starts with Phil, the portly, balding guy with a slight odor who always brings a tuna sandwich to work for lunch. One day Phil will forget where he placed his tuna sandwich and will end up eating someone else’s lunch out of desperation and to teach others a lesson about messing with his food. The tuna sandwich lies mostly forgotten, plotting its revenge from the back corner of the middle shelf.

After a while, the influence of Phil’s tuna sandwich grows and other forgotten food items begin making holy pilgrimages from all corners of the refrigerator to join in “the resistance.” After a while, the tuna sandwich and its minions begin taking over whole shelves, slowly converting good food to bad by promising something known as “change.” After a while, neither Phil nor his coworkers bother to use the refrigerator because of the stench and the giant, menacing food amalgamation that looks like Bob Ross’ afro on steroids.

Then, one day, an unsuspecting intern with sinus allergies opens up the refrigerator and sends Phil and his coworkers to the emergency room. It’s the circle of life.

May 15, 2009

It seems like the “powers that be” are taking all of the fun out of being a seasonal hot dog vendor at our nation’s parks. That’s right, you’ve, by no doubt, probably already heard that two Yellowstone National Park workers were fired for merely urinating into a sacred abyss, that America affectionately calls “Old Faithful” (here).