free variable

Dear Amazon, you know I’m your pal. I still have that handwritten thank-you card you sent me on my fridge, although my motivation for keeping it is at least 60% ironic. So when you do something like this, it hurts me all the more:

As someone who has been nearly maimed by clueless aero bar users in multiple mass-start road cycling events and who has had pleasant commutes sullied by weirdos who (1) are using aero bars on a bike path and while so doing (2) insist on attempting to draft someone who is riding a steel fixed-gear bicycle at sub-competitive speeds, I must plead with you to never again mention bicycle commuting and clip-on aero bars in such a way that someone might construe them as being somehow related to one another or (worse still) part of a desirable combination for shaving 15 seconds off of their Cap City Loop time. Thanks in advance.