it has appalled me for the fact that imho no woman should be blamed if they are raped, wether they dress flirty, flirt with a man, ect NO means NO and all men should no that...

besides the majority of rapes these days are not spur of the moment attacks, the majority is either drug rape cases where it is hard to prove the case and in which case the attacker can drug any victim in the club and then escort them out with there friends not realising and ppl thinking they are genuinely drunk or where the victim actually knows there attacker and so then it is a hard conviction because its usually when they been out on a date or in domestic situations...

then how do you say any of these are the victims fault...its intimidating for the victim as they are either dazed from the drug or embarrassed someone they thought they knew are like that and when they finally do stop feeling so intimidated there is not a lot of physical evidence... with date rape the drug wears off in 12 hours or so and by time the memory comes back there is no proof as a ot of ppl who date rape use condoms so there is no dna evidence... there is a classic story line on hollyoaks regarding date rape drug at the minute...

and that third of the population that think that are probably rapists anyway as there is about that many amongst us.

Posted:21st Dec 2005First of all: If my posts might have hurt anyones feelings, or the general audience I am apologising for it here and now. My intent was never to hurt or put the blame on anybody.

and especially @ dani: please excuse me if I have hurt your feelings.

When I came across the thread initially I was agreeing 99.999999 % - I guess I have made it clear what I personally think about the issue - and all I wanted to do is to shine the light from another additional perspective as the cases vary.

I do have compassion for rape victims in general and in the individual case and I am not putting "the blame" on them in any way. This is a total misunderstanding and misinterpretation of my posts. I might not be articulate enough to get the message across as it is stored in my mind - this is not my native language too.

All I was is indicating that by stepping out from the bare victim-position there is a chance to avoid repetition, to get out of the vicious circle. Almost all rape-victims are traumatized for life and one possible way of HOW to deal with it and to carry on and to get back on track - to give ONE possible way to look at it - that's all that I wanted.

This intent has not been understood - and again I have no reason to blame anyone. The argument heated up from my side as I saw myself put into a corner that I really do not belong in.

part of you is taken away, the part that you only give to people you trust, sex is a huge thing and to have that taken forcefully from you can be very distressing and cause you to not trust men...

many people handle it different, me i blocked it out and went on about my life, had kids and well have had my fair share of being a slapper but thats my choice, many women draw into themselves and dont trust men near then and cant bare to be touched, its different for every woman but the truth of it is you ever really get over it ever and you cant expect a woman after it has happened be herself it takes a long supportive healing process and then society ask that question are women partially to blame, empathize with a victim and think about how that would make them feel? having just had something taken from you and then to be tiold ah well could be your fault you know!!!not a good thing, really rather destoying and they wonder why women dont come forward or that they harm themselves after such a thing. they need support not blame!!!

Posted:30th Dec 2005I think Tom's words got misinterpreted on here. He's made it clear he thinks rape is wrong and he has respect and sympathy for the survivors of rape. He just doesnt want us to feel like victims and be stuck in the victim role. I agree with that, and since my assault i've become f**ing kickass!! yeah, just try and cross me!

Hoppers are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.