Preserving the writing of BB for posterity. Another project of the AntiPorn Activist Network.

It’s a search I get all the time, and each and every time it pops up on sitemeter

I want to scream at the top of my lungs.

A few weeks ago I was sitting at my desk sipping gingerly on my hot cup of coffee. I popped into sitemeter to log the searches and there it was again, “FreeXXXpics” my hand trembled and my smile turned into a frown of wrath and fury. What was it about this particular phrase that sent shockwaves through me?

I very nearly threw my coffee cup at the wall that day, so enraged was I by the search. Clearly, this shit was getting to me. Several days later, I took my burnout time but now I’m back again and the phrase is still haunting me. So, this morning amidst the chaos of homeschooling, networking for the rape campaign, researching and so on I decided to plug in my Zoo Tycoon for a few minutes.

As I was cleaning my virtual Rhino cage it hit me. In a flash a lightbulb went off over my head and I closed the program and began to write, the first draft of that writing was confused and garbled. Perhaps it still is now but I suspect that remains to be seen.

The FreeXXX search bothers the fuck out of me because it shows callousness so deep, an entitlement so broad, that it literally bounced entirely off my paradigm for all this time.

“FreeXXXpics” exposes its searchers for exactly what they are, male privileged fucktards who feel that they are so entitled to women to degrade that they shouldn’t even bother paying for it.

They want to use as many women as possible with as little outlay, and one phrase keeps ringing through my head, they don’t even feel they should have to pay for it. The women, the scads of women being paid next to nothing, all of them have stories, all of them have lives, none of them looked lovingly at Mommy and Daddy as a child and said, “I want to grow up to be a FreeXXX girl”.

These women had hopes and fears and dreams and aspirations. These women were little girls with button noses and piggy tails who trotted around the playground at recess. All of their dreams from childhood, their aspirations of being veterinarians or schoolteachers or botanists are gone and what’s left? A cunt. A pussy. An object.

A thing.

Those lost dreams of having ponies or growing up to be a doctor or counselor or marine biologist are shattered on the floor like so many shards of glass. Their stories are individually different, individually unique but as a collective most of them tell a very similar story. How many abusive boyfriends did it take to train them to be the FreeXXX girl? How many pushes, punches, rapes, and abuses did it take for them to finally watch as their dreams fell from that high shelf in their minds and shattered into fragments of lost hope on the floor?

All that pain, all that loss, all those souls and dreams and aspirations…and they’re not even worth a fucking nickel. Not a dime, not a quarter, not a fucking cent.

They’re worth a wad of cum in some jerk-offs hand and he won’t pay them a cent.

I don’t know why, but the fact that their dreams and hopes aren’t even worth a fucking cent to these men grates on my very last nerve. It angers me in a way I can barely describe. I can see the faces in my mind and I roll back the years to a little girl in braids, who is swinging on a tire swing, or a dark haired little girl riding a pony, or an African American little girl playing in a schoolyard. I see dollies and trucks and fishing poles. I see small hands playing in dirt, picking up worms or playing dress up.

I was a child once. They were children once, just as you, just as your mother, your sister, your aunt. At some point they saw a person on TV, maybe it was a Veterinarian, or a Scientist or even the fucking President and they looked up at their parents and with a big smile said, “That’s what I want to be when I grow up”.

What happened to them? Men happened to them. Society happened to them. They bought into the idea that transforming themselves into a cunt, a pussy, a sexbot was empowering AFTER they realized that Vet, Scientist and President were out of the question.

How many dreams do you see around their dead eyes when you type in that horrible phrase? And why don’t you even feel it’s worth a penny to you? How could you? How could you feel so entitled to women and cunts and pussy and your own chubby little cock that you can look at them and NOT see the sparkles of the glass that was their aspirations?

I can see nothing but the reflections of shattered hopes.

These men have no value for life, no value for emotion or dreams of anyone but their own. They don’t even think that her lost dreams are worth a measly dollar, they are worth less than a candy bar from a vending machine. They’re worth less than a cup of coffee at the gas station. Their aspirations don’t even merit the same worth as a piece of penny candy, so much so that they go out of their way to specify that their degradation MUST be free.

What scorn and disdain for life these men must have.

I’m sitting here on my laptop and I’m remembering the point at which I stopped fighting it. The point at which I stopped resisting the oppression around me and I succumbed to it entirely. What was their breaking point? What moment was it in their lives that pushed them to stop fighting it?

It’s a horrible thing to be apathetic to the pain and sadness of another soul. It’s even more horrible to actively seek out that pain and sadness. The worst sort of horror is when you say that you aren’t willing to give up a fucking thing to be able to get off to that pain and sadness.

These are the FreeXXX girls.

These are the daughters of the Patriarchy, these are the women that the institutions of man has created and I bleed for them. These are the girls who men don’t even care enough to pay for. These are the women that are truly expendable in our society and they know it. They’re the FreeXXX girls, the FreeHotttCunts, they are the girls that male society hates and loathes and yet craves to get off on.

It must make men feel so superior and powerful to have that kind of misery, the sadness and legacy of broken dreams and shattered lives, at their fingertips. It must be such a power rush for them to see these women, these living, breathing, feeling women, reduced to mere holes for their amusement, degraded and humiliated. And to be able to acquire this sort of power, the sort of power that the nerdy geek-boy who’s a closet misogynist has always longed for, to be available for free.

There can be no doubt that the Patriarchy takes care of its own. It supplies degradation and power for free at the click of a mouse. How many of them? How many faces and lives? The FreeXXX girls, the slut of cyberspace, the fuckhole object who has her face cum upon by countless millions of men. The ultimate object, free, ready, voiceless and faceless a mock-up of the male fantasy of control and domination right there for every male to violate and use.

Yes, the Patriarchy takes care of its own. Creating women who are lost and alone, posing them, starving them, addicting them to whatever drugs and numbing medication they can use to dull the pain and then putting them out there for free. And, to ensure that it has covered its bases, after destroying their hopes and dreams, after locking them into pink collar hell and taking every ounce of power and autonomy they can have, after training them for 18 years they cover their tracks by saying, “It’s her CHOICE!”

And that is supposed to be the end of the discussion.

But it’s not the end for me. The audacity of these dudes that they won’t even pay a cent for the misery and suffering of these women, that they specifically request to have their objects free makes my stomach churn with an emotion I can’t even identify. A strange mixture of hate and sadness and rage roils in my gut, threatening to spill out and onto my keyboard.

Even now, thinking about those words with that FREE stipulation added to them I am shaking and sick. It says much about our world that the FreeXXX girl has become so popular; it says much about the mindsets of our worldwide culture that a woman can be stripped of everything and be free for the taking. That she can lose her dignity, her autonomy, her personhood, her dreams, her life, her aspirations and she is so worthless, and all that she has lost is so worthless, that she is free to whomever wants to use her today.

The FreeXXX girl is the equivalent of the free bumper sticker. Cheap, worthless, and only there to get out the message. That message being: “Come one, come all, we gotcher’ degradation and objects here”. And to uphold this institution of man we must have a lot of these women available, we must teach them that they are better than the freeXXX girl at all costs. That they are not only better but that they can have her like oxygen or food. She is one more consumable resource to men and how many of them are there? How many do they see?

Are they looking at 20 FreeXXX girls per ‘session’, 3 sessions a week? 240 a month? How many faces do they remember? I wager that few of them remember any. The faces are interchangeable to them, the dignity and dreams and the little girls hiding inside the shaved bodies and starved torsos are interchangeable to the men who seek them out.

This is the entertainment of our ‘culture’ (and yes, I use the term loosely). This is the entertainment that makes more money than almost every other form of sporting entertainment combined. This is the number one entertainment for our world, the FreeXXX girl, the unlimited access to the most wretched and disposable members of our society. You can tell a lot by a society’s entertainment, what do you see when you look at ours? Where do women fit into that equation?

Look at Rome. What do you see when you think of that civilization, gruesome blood sports? Gladiators? No surprise that Rome was a violent culture, look at what they enjoyed doing in their spare time.

Look at us. What does our entertainment look like? Shattered women, displayed, distorted, starved and shaved. They are eerily reminiscent of slave markets where the slaves were ‘advertised’ with few (if any) clothes on, degraded, stripped, unempowered.

There is little surprise that our society is a rape world, a rape culture for a rape world. There is little surprise that women are the largest group of poor, the largest group of welfare recipients, and the largest group of the abused.

Years ago this country, the U.S.A., outlawed slavery. It outlawed men being able to take their egos and self-esteem from the complete degradation of other humans. But women, who were the driving force behind outlawing slavery, were soon to literally take the place of the slaves. Women of all color, black, asian, white, it didn’t matter; men, white men, black men, asian men, all knew that they must, at all costs, continue to abuse at least one segment of society. They must, at all costs, keep at least one group available for mass consumption, for mass degradation, for mass hatred, and the men, all of them, decided that they could unite in the oppression of women.

Years ago our country outlawed keeping slaves, but women of color were never freed and women of all stripes soon took the place of domestic slave. Sure, they did it before the new laws, women have always held the same place as the FreeXXX girl, a place of worthlessness, of expendability, but now, with men being able to unite in their oppression of women, ALL women took the brunt of what was. And that continues to this day.

And today, this very moment, dreams are being lost and right now, as I type this some woman has had the shit kicked out of her one too many times and her beautiful sculpture that represents all of her hopes and aspirations is crashing to the floor. Right now another FreeXXX girl is being created. She will be sacrificed at the altar of male pride and ego, the altar of the penis because she MUST be sacrificed. She MUST be made available to anyone who wants her and she is made for men. She is empty and hollow and servile because she must be to feed men’s lust for power and control.

I figured out today why the FreeXXX girl makes me hurt so badly, why my hands shake and my mind becomes filled with useless babble, she is a marker of what every woman is to men. She is the embodiment of what men project onto the masses of women, the millions of us who are trying to crawl out from under the boot of the Patriarchy. She elicits within me so much anger and shame and fear because she is what they want US to be.

Hopeless, robotic, empty vessels that they can use and discard. Emotionless things who appear only to be used and degraded and then disappear with the click of a mouse.

I yearn for a world when every man looks at that computer and sees, in brilliant clarity, not the cunt or the pussy or their own flaccid penis, but rather the sparkles of the dreams that were. I long for the day that they see the glass on the floor when they see her face and her dead eyes and the idea sickens them and they turn away with the click of a mouse.

She shouldn’t be Free, her dreams were worth something, her emotions, her smile, her humor her intelligence, they were worth something. They are worth something, they’re worth a million of the men who would use her today. And that is a price I’m willing to pay.