Friday, November 13, 2015

So I’ve noticed a trend in popular music over the past few
years or so. A trend that may seem like it should be forward movement to a
hippy feminist like myself, but definitely isn’t.

You see, women have been able to express themselves through
music in a sexual way-finally getting acknowledgement as sexual beings. Well...sort
of.

Unfortunately, many times the ways in which the media
portrays female sexuality are not true to female sexuality, but how male sexuality
wants female sexuality to be. Sound confusing? Let me demonstrate what I mean
by cutting straight to some lyrics from songs that are currently playing on
top 40 hit stations...

'Cause I just wanna look good for you, good for you, uh-huh
I just wanna look good for you, good for you, uh-huh
Let me show you how proud I am to be yours
Leave this dress a mess on the floor
And still look good for you, good for you, uh-huh”

“Tell me what you want
What you like
It's okay
I'm a little curious, too
Tell me if it's wrong
If it's right
I don't care
I can keep a secret, can you?”

In lyrics like these women seem to have sex drives as do
men, sure. Yet it still isn’t about what the woman wants. Songs like this portray
female sexuality...but as male-centric. Let me further demonstrate my point
with snippets from a couple of other popular songs:

“Best believe that, when you need that
I'll provide that, you will always have it
I'll be on deck, keep it in check
When you need that, I'ma let you have it."

"So baby when you need that
Gimme the word, I'm no good
I'll be bad for my baby

Make sure that he's getting his share
Make sure that his baby take care
Make sure I'm on my toes, on my knees
Keep him pleased, rub him down
Be a lady and a freak”

I could probably use the entirety of “Hey Mama” towards my argument
but I think I’ve shown you enough to make a point. Yes, they are talking about
wanting to have sex...but only as a means for pleasing the man.

So let’s just stop for minute. Hold up, pause the madness,
halt.

Right now I’m not interested in ranting against these
artists or dissecting the societal context of the issue. I just want to possibly
mitigate some of the mental and emotional damage this has on young women by
making a couple of points. Ladies, please listen:

1) It is okay to
acknowledge your sexuality.

Whether or not you believe that sex should be saved for
marriage/someone special, you can still acknowledge that women think about it.
Talking about sex like it’s this thing that men love and women just concede to
is highly contestable to many of us ladies and extremely unhealthy for
relationships in general.

You are not a whore when something turns you on, and you are
not a sinner for your perfectly natural desire to have satisfying sexual
experiences. Sexuality isn’t normal for men and wrong or weird for women. We
are all biological creatures with bodies that know they need to reproduce to
continue the species.

2) No one is entitled
to your sexuality.

Furthermore, a man being a man does not make him the owner
of your sexuality.

Actually, let’s just go ahead and end this discussion
without focusing on gender roles or stereotypes at all. Let’s talk about people
having relationships with other people.

No matter how large your partner’s sexual appetite is, they are
not entitled to your body. They do not own your body. No one is entitled to
constant sexual satisfaction. Particularly in an actual relationship, sex is both
physical and emotional. If one partner is not physically or emotionally at a
place to have sex, it isn’t for them to just “get over it” so that the other
partner doesn’t have to suffer a night without.

I’m not saying that you should disregard your partner’s
physical needs. But you have physical needs as well, which are often tied to emotional
needs. Maybe your physical needs include a certain amount of space or nights in
which you just go to bed holding each other. They’re still valid.

In summary, what I hope you take away from this post is
this: the sexual aspect of any relationship should be a consensual compromise
that acknowledges the wants and needs of both individuals. Never one person staying
“on deck” or "in check" for the other.