Pages

Monday, December 31, 2012

Resolution or not?

2012 was an incredibly difficult year for me. There were
times I was so discouraged about things I wondered why I even bothered. I
won’t go into all the sordid details they aren’t really important. There were spots of sunshine and energy, but over all I allowed my life to come to a screeching halt, doing only what I had to do
to get by. It is not something I am proud of, it simply happened

The crazy thing was, I could see what was happening, but I couldn’t stop it. I let
my health go, my happiness go, and worst of all, I let my muses go. By the
middle to the end of the year, I couldn’t write my way through a wet Kleenex.

But instead of forgiving myself for my moments of laziness, I
did the opposite. I put so much pressure on myself it was impossible to get
things done. Instead I found other ways to squander my time. Since I had not
completed the task and I would get mad at myself for being a slacker which
would only push me further into my self-made sink-hole.

But slowly, I have been coming out of it. I have finally
admitted a few things to myself that I have always known but was reticent to admit. We can discuss some of those later.

This year I begin anew. After all since we survived
the Mayan doomsday thing it so seems fitting. I plan on doing things this
year that I have wanted to do but was afraid to. And for the first time in many years, I have decided to make
a resolution and here it is.

I resolve to forgive myself and move on. Whether it’s eating
a second piece of chocolate cake or watching a movie instead of writing. I will
acknowledge it happened, but not dwell on it. That's it. Not too earth shattering, but very important.

3 comments:

Joanie--you are an amazing woman and an awesome writer. As someone who was priveleged to know you though the year of unpleasant happenings, you can be forgiven for indulging in a bout of questioning your choices and your place in the universe. You made all the right choices for the right reasons, and what you have learned from them is priceless. I am proud to call you both a friend and one of my favorite authors.

Joan, your honesty is inspiring. I know you've had a tough year and I'm so glad you have found your way through it. Be kind to yourself and I hope 2013 brings you much happiness, good health, peace of mind and much success in all your endeavours (and hopefully another Guardian book ;-) )I'm proud to call you a friend!