A TRANSLATION HAS APPEARED! Or... half of one. It will probably take me a while to get more tracks out given how long I procrastinated on this, but. WE'LL SEE!

I think that after listening and relistening and obsessively looking up words in dictionaries and on Google, I have come to a translation that I have found satisfactory in accuracy, but please feel free to point out any inaccuracies you may notice. Drama CDs are not my forte...

PROLOGUE:

RYOUTA: This is St. Pigeonation Academy. Various pigeons from across Japan... no, across the world gather to come here. I'm Kawara Ryouta. A second-year student attending this academy. Coming here, I spent my day peacefully like always, and returned home peacefully... or I was supposed to, but...

NANAKI: All right~ Good work. That's all for today. Everyone be careful going home. There might be monsters.RYOUTA: Nanaki-sensei, are you talking about the seven Pigeonation mysteries?NANAKI: Mm, that's right. Everybirdie's talking about them lately. By now they're already a serious topic of discussion at the staff meetings.SAKUYA: You talk about imaginary monsters during staff meetings? Just how low-class is this academy?RYOUTA: But monsters are scary, Sakuya. San thinks so too, right?OKOSAN: Coooo! (Quite scary! Monsters aren't up to any good.)RYOUTA: There are seven ghost stories just in our school alone. That's a lot in one space. You're not scared, Sakuya?SAKUYA: Of course not. They're obviously all rumors. I have no reason to be afraid of the commoners' delusions. However...RYOUTA: However?SAKUYA: This academy is my territory. If there is even one meaningless rumor floating around that I don't know about, it's a disgrace. As the student council president, I cannot overlook this. Therefore! Henceforth, I shall exterminate these seven mysteries.RYOUTA: Amazing! That's our student council president! Now we can rest assured too.OKOSAN: Cooo coo! (How cool, Sakuya.)SAKUYA: What are you doing? You're coming too! Subordinate number one, number two!RYOUTA: Eh--me? Wai--Hold on a minute! Don't pull on my tailfeathers Sakuya ow ow ow!OKOSAN: Coo coo! (You may rely on me! We shall exterminate them!)NANAKI: Do your best... But make sure to go home on time.

SAKUYA: Nobirdie's here... What's going to happen? It's not some worthless ghost story about the human mannequin moving, is it?OKOSAN: Coooo. (It is not something so tawdry as that.)RYOUTA: That's right, Sakuya. Something much more terrifying happens!SHUU: What are you doing?RYOUTA: Daaahhh! It's here!!OKOSAN: Coo coo coo!!SAKUYA: Wh-What? Did something happen?RYOUTA: Look, right there! Behind you!! Iwamine-sensei appeared!!OKOSAN: Coo coo! (Terrifying! Iwamine-sensei is more terrifying than any monster.)SAKUYA: ...This possibility is so ludicrous I don't even want to think about it, but could it be that the first mystery is...RYOUTA: Iwamine-sensei appears in the infirmary. Not only that, but he appears suddenly from behind you.SAKUYA: Worthless!! I can't believe how worthless it is!! It's a ghost story for the doctor to appear in the infirmary?! Are you mocking me!?RYOUTA: No, even if you tell me that--it's not like I thought of it, just everybirdie’s saying that, so--i-it hurts Sakuya! Don't strangle me!SHUU: Have you finished your conversation?SAKUYA: Ah, my apologies for causing a disturbance, Iwamine-sensei.SHUU: Yes, you are indeed quite boisterous. Looking at you, it doesn't appear as if you are in any state to require the infirmary. Ah, could it be that you came to serve as specimens? I shall welcome it in that case. I was just thinking that I would like to begin a new experiment.RYOUTA: We're leaving now, sorry to bother you!OKOSAN: Coo coo coo!SAKUYA: Wait! Don't just run off on your own!SHUU: What a shame. If you change your mind, please come back at any time. I'll be waiting.

SECOND MYSTERY:

RYOUTA: Aahh... I thought I was going to die.OKOSAN: Coo coo. (Okosan does not like Iwamine-sensei. How ghastly he is.)SAKUYA: I didn't think that the ghost stories would get this worthless from the very beginning. It seems the Academy and its seven mysteries are at a proportionate level.RYOUTA: You're amazing, Sakuya. I think about two years just got cut off my lifespan.SAKUYA: Can your lifespan really shrink or grow like that! Let's hurry up and solve the rest of the mysteries. Where next?OKOSAN: The second mystery is the student council room.SAKUYA: Wh-Wh...at?RYOUTA: That's right, Sakuya. You don't know about the student council room ghost story even though you're the president?SAKUYA: My room is becoming the seed for the commoners' worthless rumors...!?RYOUTA: I'm pretty sure it's... that the student council room is connected to another world?OKOSAN: Coo coo. (Students that enter the student council room are at some point waaarped into the dump. An interdimensional tunnel.)SAKUYA: Foolish! There's nothing like that! I'll prove it to you! Let's go!

RYOUTA: Uwaaaahhhh! What is this, it's amazing! It's remodeled so extravagantly!SAKUYA: Of course. I gave the instructions during the construction work.RYOUTA: Is it okay for the student council president to do construction inside the school?OKOSAN: Coo coo coo. (How it dazzles. Okosan is ecstatic!)RYOUTA: Calm down, San! Everything in this room looks expensive, so try not to break it.OKOSAN: Coo. (Okosan is wise. He shall not act savagely.)SAKUYA: But there's no hole connected to another dimension. I understand everything about this room. I absolutely won't accept something as unscientific as an interdimensional tunnel!RYOUTA: There really doesn't seem to be anything like that that I can see. San, how about over there?OKOSAN: Coo coo cooooo! (A scrumptious melon has been discovered! Okosan is ecstatic!)SAKUYA: Wh--hey you, don't touch things on your own!RYOUTA: Don't, San! That seems like Sakuya's melon...

YUUYA: Salut, everybirdie! Oh my, is Hiyoko-chan not with you today?RYOUTA: Aah, Sakazaki-senpai! Hiyoko went on ahead home. She said she's going hunting tonight, so she's busy preparing.YUUYA: I see! That's a shame. There's no flowers without any ladies around. Incidentally Sakuya, I heard you're involved in some interesting extracurricular activities? Could you mix me in too?SAKUYA: Didn't I tell you not to speak to me in such an overly familiar manner inside the school?OKOSAN: Coo! (Sakuya is treating Yuuya as an enemy. Siblings are meant to get along well.)YUUYA: Right, right! Can't you be even a little gentle with me? I haven't heard anything but harsh words since I've been here. As your big brother, I thought, I want to be there to treasure my little brother's time of character development~ so I came here~SAKUYA: I don't have the time to give to a mongrel like you! Hurry up and leave! If you stay here any longer, I'll consider it trespassing.YUUYA: That's not very attractive, Sakuya. If you had me as your ally, without a doubt, every incident would be settled with sexiness and luxury. So, let's solve these mysteries togeth--adieuuu!RYOUTA: Amaaazing! Senpai, you just suddenly fell but you still gave a proper farewell!OKOSAN: Coo coo coo! (Okosan shall never forget you, Yuuya!)SAKUYA: I did warn him.OKOSAN: Coo. (Sakuya is dropping anything and everything.)SAKUYA: Ah, all trespassers end up like this. Just last week the manga study club came in speaking incoherent nonsense and requesting funding, so I dropped them. Naturally, that mongrel is top of the class in frequent falling... but he's a foolish commoner with no propensity for his studies.RYOUTA: Ah, hey Sakuya, could it be that the other end of this drop is...SAKUYA: The dump.RYOUTA: I knew it!OKOSAN: Coo! (An interdimensional tunnel!)RYOUTA: We solved the mystery! The student council room is connected to another world. This rumor is talking about Sakuya dropping Sakazaki-senpai again and again!SAKUYA: What's that... In the end, isn't it just an idiotic misunderstanding!OKOSAN: Coo coo! (But Sakuya is the pigeon in the wrong here.)RYOUTA: Poor Sakazaki-senpai. He must be covered in trash right now.SAKUYA: That suits a worthless mongrel.OKOSAN: Coo coo! (He shall be dubbed Trashazaki-senpai.)

THIRD MYSTERY:

SAKUYA: We've solved the student council room mystery. Let's head to the next one.RYOUTA: The third mystery is in the library.OKOSAN: The monster book.SAKUYA: Monster book? Once again, it has an infantile ring to it.RYOUTA: The idea is that if you draw in one of the library books, you'll be cursed. Somehow I get the feeling that there's some truth to this one, so leave it to me.SAKUYA: As expected of my subordinate! Well then, guide us.RYOUTA: No, I wasn't trying to be your subordinate though...

SAKUYA: Barely anybirdie's here. Do none of the students here read?RYOUTA: You're a transfer student, Sakuya, so you probably don't know. The selection of books isn't very good at this academy, so it's not that popular. Somehow it's not very comfortable either... and there's a lot of complaints.OKOSAN: Coo coo! (It's an even more wretched library in the winter! Okosan was on the brink of frozen death.)SAKUYA: I see. I understand now how low the standard of living is for the students. I shall have to propose improvements to the principal as soon as possible. And so? What is the truth that you get the sense of?RYOUTA: Ah, there's a dead kid here. He's my friend, so I'll go try asking him!SAKUYA: Wait, friends with a dead kid? Did I just hear wrong?OKOSAN: Coo coo! (Ryouta has befriended monsters? An amazing feat!)RYOUTA: Nageki! It's me! Kawara Ryouta! Are you here?NAGEKI: Be quiet in the library. You're being noisy. What are you doing?RYOUTA: Ah, sorry sorry.SAKUYA: That guy's talking to a wall. Just what is he doing? Looking like that, is he actually sick?OKOSAN: Coo! (Sakuya does not understand. Okosan can sense the presence of something invisible to the eye. There is most certainly someone there.)RYOUTA: Hey Nageki, are you free right now? We're looking for something really quick. Can you help us out?NAGEKI: I don't mind. I was just getting fed up with a boring book. What are you looking for?RYOUTA: The monster book.NAGEKI: Monsters? Folklore and the occult is there. Picture books are over there though.RYOUTA: Ah, that's not it. We came to find out the true form of the ghost story that's become a rumor in the school, where if you draw in a book in the library you'll be cursed. Ah, do you know something about it after all? Or maybe you did it?NAGEKI: Yeah. I took the book from the guy drawing in it and hit him with it. I hate people who don't treasure books.RYOUTA: I think hitting people with a book would hurt it too though.SAKUYA: How long are you going to face the wall and talk to yourself, Kawara? Fine. Let's just try testing it.RYOUTA: Wha, wait, Sakuya!SAKUYA: Hm, what a dirt-cheap book. I'll personally draw the Le Bel family crest in it. It might raise the value a bit.NAGEKI: I hate people who don't treasure books.SAKUYA: Wha--?OKOSAN: Coo coo!! (The book has begun moving of its own volition! What could be occurring here!?)RYOUTA: Nageki, Sakuya's not trying to be mean. Can you forgive him?NAGEKI: No.SAKUYA: What is this?! The book came to bite me! Is this the curse??OKOSAN: Coo coo! (We're in peril...! Sakuya shall be devoured by the monster book!)SAKUYA: Wah, there's no reason for me to be eaten by something like a book in a place like this! Tch... It's time to switch strategies!! Let's go, Oko!!OKOSAN: Coo! (Let us flee!)

RYOUTA: Aah... Nageki, I understand your feelings, but if you overdo it too much, nobirdie's going to come to the library from now on.NAGEKI: I don't mind. I don't like it when it's noisy. If he defiles things again, next time I'll hit him with the corner, so tell him that.RYOUTA: I'm telling you that will hurt the books too.

SAKUYA: I went through something terrible... I didn't think that there would really be a true supernatural phenomenon among the seven mysteries.OKOSAN: Coo coo. (A poltergeist! Okosan has laid eyes on one for the first time.)SAKUYA: Oi, Kawara! Just what was that back there?RYOUTA: Didn't I tell you? There's a ghost in the library. He said that next time you defile the books he'll hit you with the corner.SAKUYA: Guh... I see... This isn't anything like a supernatural phenomenon. There has to be some kind of trick! Someone insulted me, and is ridiculing me somewhere right now!RYOUTA: You've got a persecution complex, Sakuya... Look, we don't have time, so let's hurry up and go investigate the next mystery.

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YUUYA: That's not very attractive, Sakuya. If you had me as your ally, without a doubt, every incident would be settled with sexiness and luxury. So, let's solve these mysteries togeth--adieuuu!RYOUTA: Amaaazing! Senpai, you just suddenly fell but you still gave a proper farewell!