Miller: Let's root for A-Rod to just go away

Like most of you I’m sure, I also would like to jump on Alex Rodriguez, come down on him hard and cold, like the first spade of earth hitting a casket.

It would be easy, amusing and, especially today, staggeringly appropriate.

But where’s the fun in that when everyone already has buried the guy? The first spade landed on A-Rod’s box so long ago that it’s impossible to remember when he was considered anything other than pathetically defiant and possibly delusional.

He is a confessed cheat and a convicted PED user and, even before his story turned down baseball’s dark little alley, there was widespread speculation that he and his personality both were shams.

News of Rodriguez’s drug suspension being reduced to 162 games Saturday was quickly followed by predictions that he might never play again. And who really cares if we ever see A-Rod swing another bat in a game that counts?

Plenty of people have done plenty of things worse, but there aren’t many sports figures who ever have generated less sympathy than Rodriguez does. And here we’re including Lance Armstrong, the multi-time champion of the Tour de Fraud.

Rodriguez once signed the largest contract in the history of sports. Then he did it again. His current deal is more than double the biggest contract Kobe Bryant ever signed. Personally, I have to work more than two years to make what Rodriguez does for a single game.

Charmed. Blessed. Gifted by God. And still that wasn’t enough for him. He had to have more advantages.

This isn’t easy, trying to write about A-Rod without hammering him. It’s sort of like trying to write about the sky without using the word blue. That’s how entwined Rodriguez and his career are in this mess, deeply and permanently woven as one.

So instead, let’s divert for a few moments, move away from the direct body shots and kick through some of the collateral damage. ESPN’s news story Saturday included the following line: “Rodriguez’s side argues that if he is able to receive an injunction to stop the suspension …”

What does it say about Rodriguez’s situation in particular and sports in general that, during my first pass through the story, I read that passage thusly: “Rodriguez’s side argues that if he is able to receive an injection to stop the suspension …”?

I wish I was kidding, but I’m not. Honest. That’s how it sounded in my head and, while I’m still snickering about it now, the rest of the people in this coffee shop are looking at me and probably convinced I’m as loony as a duck.

Rodriguez issued a statement Saturday whining about the process, comically attempting to cast himself as the victim and noting that the arbitrator’s decision “does not involve me having failed a single drug test.”

And please excuse me for just a moment while I snicker again. At what point will everyone finally grasp the truth that the most empty argument in these situations is never failed a drug test?

Sad as it might be, that claim can be as phony as Dennis Rodman’s hair color and less useful than air conditioning on a Zamboni.

Marion Jones passed more than 160 tests during her track-and-field career and continually reminded us that she never failed once, until the day, facing the start of a six-month prison term, she mercifully admitted she had been doping all along.

In May 2011, Armstrong famously tweeted: “20+ year career. 500 drug controls worldwide, in and out of competition. Never a failed test. I rest my case.” Nineteen months later, he told Oprah Winfrey the truth.

Drug testing isn’t perfect or anything close to perfect. The corrupt scientists remain ahead of the PED cops and to still believe that never failed a drug test equals never took drugs is dangerously shortsighted.

Rodriguez is right, however, to feel singled out here, his hide the one that baseball most wanted to display as an example in the wake of Barry Bonds, Roger Clemens and the rest. Commissioner Bud Selig desired a signature kill before his tenure ended, and he has one in A-Rod.

But guess what? A lot of things in life come down to timing and Rodriguez had very bad timing in this case. Is it fair? No, but if anyone understands the concept of playing unfairly, of tilting the field for personal gain, it’s Alex Rodriguez, right?

OK, enough about this guy. Like most of you I’m sure, I also would like to move on to subjects that haven’t been beaten to death.

I promise not to exhume Rodriguez’s story until it becomes absolutely unavoidable again, which, we all know, will happen.

For now, let’s root for him to just go away, to remain buried with his injunctions and injections alike.