It’s that time! You’re here in San Francisco, and you’re ready to see a festival of music and lights and people sleeping (we’ll call it that, sure) in the grass. We’ll be at Outside Lands, too, smack dab* in the middle of the Polo Fields in a pop-up café/tent that would make the ghost of John Muir jealous were Muir a barista and into cappuccinos or cold brew.

We want to see you there. That means we want you to survive the weekend. Here’s how: “Surviving your weekend in San Francisco at the Outside Lands Music Festival,” by us. Totally deeply considered and copyrighted and everything.

Staying the Night with a Barista

We suggest you reserve a nice AirBnB, Flipkey, VRBO, hotel, or couch along the park. We found some reasonably priced ones at just $950 a night… which we’re sure have absolutely nothing to do with our terrible housing shortage.

Before the Show with a Barista

It’s Saturday, you’re hung-over, and your ears still hurt from LCD Soundsystem. What do you do? Stop by The Mill (link to Mill page), obviously. Rejuvenate your mind and body with a thick slab of JBB (link to Josie) toast and a delicious cappuccino (by Four Barrel, natch). Afterwards, curl up for a nap in the Panhandle – it’s shady and grassy, and it will be a little while before all of the lads in Chubbies start playing Spikeball around you.

Sustaining Life with a Barista

If you’re into the whole foraging and subsistence thing, get this: Golden Gate Park is 1.5 square miles of trees and animals smack dab** in the middle of a major urban city. But sadly for you, eucalyptus leaves are poison if you aren’t a Koala, and coyotes are hard to catch. Instead, consider kimchi fried rice from Namu, a fat sausage from Rosamunde’s Sausage Grill, or a Monk’s Kettle pretzel.

Drinking with Baristas

For all of your coffee-based needs, well, we’ve got you covered. You probably know all about the other stuff. We’re all adults, right?

Seeing Bands & Comedians With a Barista

Whatever, see whoever you like. Or don’t see anyone! We’re not your mom.

If Things Get Weird with a Barista

Sometimes things get weird, and you find yourself in one of North America’s most beautiful and expensive cities without a sweetheart or a friend or a way back home to Nevada City. Don’t panic. We have two openings for hard-working people of all backgrounds who can lift 40 or 50 pounds, along with a spot for a skilled barista at our Valencia location. Where do you see yourself in five years?***