11 July 2010

24 weeks, HURRAH!

24 weeks!

and a katebelly picture. My mom took this of me today - it was dang hot so I am wearing very little but a big-ole-grin. Those are not my real boobs, they are my impostor boobs. They feel fake mostly, except the ouch factor. Otherwise they are entirely unlike my usual ones.

I want to thank you all of your outrage and up-welling of support for me in the job situation. And thank you sweet new commenters as well as older friends. this does, indeed, suck rocks. And, I do have an update for you and for those of you eager for me to sue, I have some bad news: I do not have a leg to stand on. I reviewed the laws and rules today (thanks to sprogblogger) and in each one there is a loophole my boss can legitimately drive a tank through--something called business necessity. In this economy, with this difficult time financially, we are being financed by him at this moment and not our customers (we are a very very small company so this is possible)- he is personally bankrolling our pay and hoping for improvement. As such, honestly, this can be seen as an obvious business necessity-- both the pay cut and the impending job loss.

And, even if I did feel I had footing to lodge a complaint (which I don't), my friends work there.

And I have to work there until I am either asked to leave or have somewhere to go and have no desire to make things harder/more awkward between now and then. (Did I mention how small the company is? 10 of us, 2 of us with reduced hours, one remote staff member just laid off, and me, notified my job is ending in January)

So yes, it feels unfair, it feels like I've been singled out for a worldclass screwing, but .... if I step back, yes, I have been screwed, but others have been screwed too. I also see that there are no good options at the moment.

In light of my personality and my desire to make-the-best-of-it-between-freakouts, this weekend I read a career book and have spent probably 20 hours job searching, researching and networking. (Anyone out there doing management/organizational consulting for technology companies that needs a creative and intuitive person on staff who has a technical background? Drop me a line! I am very good at what I do which is translate between different kinds of engineers, management, real life workerbees, clarify goals and issues, create and propose solutions, and foster mutual understanding for organizational and individual benefit). (PS I promise I have professional work clothes too).

I have whittled a bunch of things out from my initial go-to list of assumptions and expectations-- as a result of all of this work, I realized just how much I've changed and just how much the parts of me that values connection and creativity want to come out and play. And I realized just how much I want to care about what I do. I mean really care.

So- I'm working on it.

I have an on-line writing workshop coming up next weekend over at heartwork (still time to sign up!)-- I am very excited about it! But I find I am also wrestling a bit with performance anxiety. Breathe kate, all will be well. This is not vascular surgery. This is journaling. This I know.

So tonight as I celebrate 24 weeks with the biggest exhale ever, I am sitting on my stoop, sunlight filtering sideways through the trees. My garden perked up a bit from yesterday's rain. Oh! this morning? First light caught a million tiny raindrops that were tucked up high in the trees, and all was sparkle and delight.

23 comments:

Yay for 24 weeks! And yay for a picture! You are do adorable -- I love it!

I am so sorry about all the job stuff. You are keeping it together quite well and your positive attitude is amazing! Wonderfully amazing and it will see you through. I would not be handling it as well I can tell you that!

Wonderful belly & beautiful mommy shot! There's an advantage to a summer pregnancy- you're wearing a lot less clothing than I was at 24 weeks, so the belly actually shows. I just looked plump in my oversized winter clothes, and even some co-workers didn't realize I was pregnant until I'd nearly reached the 8-month mark.

I'm thinking that the whole job-shake-up will ultimatley land you where you should have been headed to begin with. I wish it were a departure you'd chosen for yourself. And I wish I could join the e-workshop this weekend, but we have another wedding to attend. Next one?

Wonderful belly & beautiful mommy shot! There's an advantage to a summer pregnancy- you're wearing a lot less clothing than I was at 24 weeks, so the belly actually shows. I just looked plump in my oversized winter clothes, and even some co-workers didn't realize I was pregnant until I'd nearly reached the 8-month mark.

I'm thinking that the whole job-shake-up will ultimatley land you where you should have been headed to begin with. I wish it were a departure you'd chosen for yourself. And I wish I could join the e-workshop this weekend, but we have another wedding to attend. Next one?

Congrats on 24 weeks! You look beautiful in your photo! I can only imagine how stressful the job situation is but sometimes changes do bring about something better. Crossing my fingers this happens for you!

24 weeks? Already? Wow, time flies! Seems like just the other day you were switching to the new clinic that would work with you. And ta-da! Here you are passing a huge milestone! You looks so darn happy in that picture! Well-deserved.

I trust things will work out for the best with your job situation. You'll see!

I'm so sorry things have been so shitty at work and so not right and not fair and all that not. I hope some big, huge contract comes through or something changes so that you can stay (if you'd be willing) because that seems like the easiest thing. At the same time, I have so much admiration for how you're filling the space this not-ness opens up for you. The not the way I thought it would be space. . ..

And if there's anything I can do to help with your looking and thinking, email me. I'll keep my ears open.

As one of your Heartwork students, I am pleased to take time reading this blog. I will never catch up completely, Kate, but I can gather as we go along from this point.

So, the baby I knew about! How lovely that your darling can see development in time-lapsed frames! And that you get some space to yourself from time to time? Something we creators always manage to fill!

I am sorry about the job situation and will read back in a minute to find out more about that aspect of your life. However, I had to retire from teaching aged 40 due to having MS diagnosed. My health life has regressed on a continuum since that point but my heart & soul life has known no bounds of surprise, love and Life!

About this blog

I started this blog during struggles with infertility--struggles that resulted in countless IUIs, medications, procedures, 5 attempted IVF cycles, 2 pregnancies, one heartbreaking loss, and one miracle baby.

Parenthood left me feeling like I was not sure what to do here, with this amazing community. To talk about parenting felt boastful for those still and forever struggling. To not talk about it felt disingenuous. So here I am. I want to talk about my real life. Parenting. Midlife reassessment. Flailing. Finding myself. Mucking about.

So yes, I am a midlife parent of an amazing child.Yes, I battled infertility and will be forever changed by every single moment of that journey.I am imperfect and life is messy, but it is also so beautiful.

Among many other things, I hope to reconnect to myself through writing here. And I hope to connect with you too. Others out there, parenting maybe later in life. Maybe after struggling. Maybe struggling still. We can all use a safe place and a lot of compassion. That's what I am offering to you. I hope you'll stick around.

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inside out

"The key is, starting from the inside out. Often you say, “I don’t know what to do.” True, you don’t know what to do. There are infinite possibilities. And a bunch of them haven’t worked for you. A lot of them have been tried, and they haven’t worked under what you think are the same conditions. And so, you sort of pace around, you don’t know what to do. Sometimes you don’t even know what you want to have. But you always, you always, if you will stop and think about it, you ALWAYS know how you want to feel."