My Dad Commited Suicide Right In Front Of Me.

Okay, where do I begin.? My father, has been sexually abusing me since I was 10 years old, I am 13 now. I now cut myself because of what my dad has done to me, nobody knew but my boyfriend Logan. He told me everyday to tell my mom, and I said I cant, he will hurt or kill us. One day, September 6th 3013 at 10 am I was in science, and I was wearing short sleeves and my buddy Seth looked at my arm and said what...did you do!?! I stuttered and jerked my arm back, and said cat. And he said *my name* youre allergic to cats!!! So I told him. He said why? I said I couldnt tell him. So he so he got up and went to the Guidance councelor and told I was cutting myself, then I got called in there and I told them that the reason I cut was because mom and dad fought, my sister is mean to me, and stuff like that. Then... She called my mom! And told her, mom picked me up from school and we talked, and after a while she asked if I have ever been touched? I sat there quietly and then said no. Trying not to cry... She said are you sure? After about 5 minutes I said yes mom... I have been touched by dad. We started crying and she said we are going to leave him forever, at the time she was texting him and before I told her what he done, she said to dad "jay*** has been cutting" then dad messaged me and said "i love you so much baby girl dont hurt yourself" but anyway, she told. him what I told her, and he started calling me a lair and told me to tell mom the truth, but I ignored the texts. I sat in my room and cried, dad was at the doctors at the time, which was around 1pm, then at 2 mom left, and I just walked around... Alone, and had some food, then around 8 mom busts through the door sobbing, and my sister, and little brother and me and mom all gathered together and mom said "your daddy, was killed in a car accident!" right then, I had a feeling deep in my heart, it was my fault. He always told me if I told, I would be the death of him... And since I told, my siblings lost a dad... (they dont know what he done to me) and my mom lost a husband... How did the car accident happen? He hit a semi head on. Full speed. In a Toyota corola, RIGHT in front of our home! He was on his way home from the doctors... He was half a minute from the house.... How should I feel about all this? I loved him so much...but he hurt me, should I be sad? Or happy.....? :/

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I am so sorry about what has happened. The death of your dad was not your fault. He made his own choice. And if he was touching you, he was making a terrible descision and you should've told. I'm not saying you should be happy about your father's death. I'm just saying you didn't cause it and he was the one making a mistake. Everyone makes mistakes and I'm also not saying that every time you think of your dad to think of what he did to you and despise him for that. I don't know if you are Christian or not, but the Lord says to forgive people. Even if you aren't Christian, you still need to try and forgive him because then you won't have to be angry at him and you won't be stressed out with this anger. I say you shouldn't be happy with your father's death, and your dad has made mistakes like everyone else. I say you should get some support with what has happened. You can get through this.

3.4 years ago

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It is NOT your fault.

4.2 years ago

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I'm so sorry, love. Please, don't feel guilty. It's in no way your fault. If it was an accident, then it was just an accident. If he killed himself, then he chose on his own to take his own life, perhaps out of guilt for hurting you in such an unforgivable way. You certainly didn't ask for him to abuse you. You are by no means in the wrong here. I say this as someone who was abused by their parents and have spent years struggling to teach myself that what they did to me was NOT my own fault, no matter the lies they put in my head. Hugs for you. I'm really sorry you have to go through this, but it will make you a stronger, wiser person ultimately.

4.3 years ago

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You are not to blame. Everything that happened is because of decisions your father made. He was the adult in the situation and it was his job to protect you and he didn't do that. None of this is your fault. Don't be afraid to reach out for support. Posting your feelings here was a good start.

4.3 years ago

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You can not blame yourself for the actions of your father. None of this was your fault. You have some really great caring friends. You did the right thing by telling your mother. You aren't a liar, you didn't cause your dad's accident. This was all brought on by him. Follow what the other comments are advising to go and talk with someone. This will take time to get over..and just be honest with whatever your feeling. But most importantly...process everything. There's a site called rainn.org which could help.

4.3 years ago

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I want you to know this: this isn't your fault. it will be ok. Try to breathe.

4.3 years ago

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You need to talk to someone to let this all out. There is no one who can tell you how to feel. You have every right to feel everything you feel. Do not feel guilt. It wasn't your fault. You need help with this.

4.3 years ago

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I think ur dad was p****.May god give him peace in h***.He was destined to be.So dont worry everything happens for a reason.Jesus gave u another chance in ur life to live freely n joyfully.That w***** has gone far away.So don blame urselfor cut urself.Everything will work it out.