Copywriting
Example 3: Industrial Metalworking

BEFORE "Superior
Shot Peening, Inc. has been
serving its customers - building
a solid foundation on service,
reliability and quality.
SSPI not only offers tried and
true methodology, but also
innovative techniques for the
changing times.

As
a service company, SSPI realizes
that the needs of its customers
are not limited to certain
hours. SSPI offers
continuous service around the
clock.
Phones
are answered 24 hours a day, 7
days a week by REAL People."

Copywriting Analysis:
Homepage never states the specifics of
what SSPI does. Homepage offers only
very general information that could be true
for any company. There is not enough
text. First sentence is a complete
sentence, but feels incomplete because of
the tense.

AFTER
"Superior
Shot Peening has provided metal
surface treatment and protective
coatings around the world since
1990. We specialize in
metal pre-treatments such as
shot peening, salt nitriding,
and passivation; and in metal
linings such as metallizing,
powder and liquid coatings, and
PVC coating. We have
worked on thousands of jobs
ranging from the very large to
the very small, and on hundreds
of metals from tried-and-true
steel to complex bronze and
titanium alloys.

Our clients range
from the aerospace industry to
the small-spring manufacturer,
from the family-owned tool shop
to the multi-billion dollar
enterprise. Yet, year
after year, our diverse clients
continue to have something in
common. They return to us,
because we provide what others
cannot.

Attention to
Detail from
Start to Finish:
We treat every
project as if it
were our own. We
listen carefully
to our customers
and consistently
provide prompt
and quality
work.
Every one of our
completed
projects is
carefully
inspected using
the most
up-to-date
methods
appropriate for
the job.

Friendly Service
24-7:
Real people
answer our
phones
twenty-four
hours a day,
seven days a
week. Our
employees are
industry
professionals
happy to provide
technical
support anytime,
day or night.
Moreover, our
staff takes the
time to know
each of our
clients and
their specific
projects, and
works hard to
ensure that
customer
satisfaction is
always 100%.

A 24 Hour
Turnaround:
We average a 24
hour turnaround,
the fastest
turnaround in
the industry.
In fact, we have
made our mark by
performing
hundreds of
complex, rush
jobs and can be
almost anywhere
in the world in
less than three
hours.