Conan: White House Ethics Lawyer Didn’t Resign, He Was Hospitalized For Exhaustion

Lynn from South Dakota cheers on Conan as he jokes about Cyber Monday, Prince Harry's fiancée, and Olivia Garden.

TranscriptCONAN: AT 93 YEARS, 167 DAYS OLD, PRESIDENT GEORGE H.W. BUSH IS NOW THE LONGEST LIVING PRESIDENT IN HISTORY.
[APPLAUSE]
ISN'T THAT AMAZING?
AFTER HEARING THIS, MELANIA TRUMP SAID PLEASE, GOD, DON'T TELL ME THEY ALL LIVE THAT LONG.
[APPLAUSE]
LYNN LIKES IT.
[LAUGHTER]
I GOT THE THUMBS UP.
WE'RE ALL RIGHT.
TODAY IS CYBER MONDAY.
EXCITED ABOUT THAT?
[APPLAUSE]
YEAH, IT IS CYBER MONDAY.
THE TIME OF YEAR WHEN YOU GET A GREAT DEAL TODAY ON SOMETHING YOU DIDN'T WANT YESTERDAY.
GOOD ENOUGH.
WHAT'S MY RETURN POLICY ON THAT JOKE, BY THE WAY?
THE WHITE HOUSE ETHICS LAWYERS RESIGNED EARLIER TODAY.
YEAH.
WELL, TECHNICALLY HE DIDN'T RESIGN.
HE WAS HOSPITALIZED FOR EXHAUSTION WAS THE PROBLEM.
[APPLAUSE]
CONAN'S BACK ON TRACK NOW.
HE'S ALL RIGHT.
THERE WAS A BUMP THERE BUT HE'S OK.
THIS IS WEIRD.
TODAY TWO DIFFERENT PEOPLE SHOWED UP AT THE CONSUMER FINANCIAL PROTECTION BUREAU EACH CLAIMING TO BE IN CHARGE.
YEAH, AND TONIGHT, HANG, THEY SETLE IT IN THE OCTAGON.
THEY'RE GOING TO FIGHT THIS THING OUT.
THAT'S THE ONLY WAY.
"IT'S TIME TO REGULATE!
" "TIME" MAGAZINE HAS BEEN BOUGHT BY THE BILLIONAIRE RIGHT-WING KOCH BROTHERS.
CRITICS SAY BUYING "TIME" MAGAZINE COULD GIVE THE KOCHES UNPARALLELED POLITICAL INFLUENCE OVER AMERICA IN 1986.
[APPLAUSE]
REALLY COULD BE A --
WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME ANYONE HERE SAW AN ACTUAL "TIME"
MAGAZINE?
MY POINT.
ANDY: HEY, I GO TO THE DENTIST.
I SEE THEM THERE.
CONAN: I'VE TRIED EVERY DENTIST OFFICES.
THEY DON'T HAVE "TIME" MAGAZINE.
THE CREATOR OF TOY STORY SAYS HE'S TAKING A LEAVE OF ABSENCE FROM PIXAR AMID ACCUSATIONS OF SEXUAL HARASSMENT.
HE ALSO APOLOGIZED FOR NAMING HIS LEAD CHARACTER WOODY.
[APPLAUSE]
GOTCHA, LYNN!
YOU DON'T HEAR THAT KIND OF JOKE IN SOUTH DAKOTA TOO MUCH, DO YOU?
ANDY: YEAH.
[LAUGHTER]
CONAN: PRINCE HARRY HAS NOUPSED HIS ENGAGEMENT TO AN ACTRESS FROM LOS ANGELES.
PRETTY EXCITING.
YEAH.
SO CONGRATULATIONS TO PRINCE HARRY AND HIS FIANCEE BETTY WHITE.
I THINK THAT'S VERY HAPPY NEWS.
THAT WAS JUST SILLY.
I WANT TO MENTION THIS.
A COUPLE IN ARKANSAS WHO -- THIS IS NOT MADE UP.
THIS IS REAM.
A COUPLE IN ARKANSAS WHO LOVE THE OLIVE GARDEN HAVE NAMED --
YES, THERE ARE PEOPLE THAT LIKE THE OLIVE GARDEN.
A COUPLE IN ARKANSAS WHO LIKE THE OLIVE GARDEN HAVE NAMED THEIR INFANT DAUGHTER OLIVIA GARDEN.
YEAH, SHE WENT HOME TODAY WHERE SHE JOINED HER BIG BROTHER HOOTERS.
[APPLAUSE]