Wednesday, 26 November 2008

Wednesday's Women No. 7

Being controlled in many ways by either her 8 or 10 year old self. So many relationships brought the child out: nobody asked me, I want to be liked the best, okay fine I won’t ask again, etc. etc.

Shelly came over yesterday and we spent many hours talking about the lost girl and came to the conclusion (or at least I did) that maybe each of us have a lost girl in us.

We discovered that in order for the lost girl to be found she has to remember the love.

When she is in bed looking at the pictures on her wall and they start to turn into posters of Disney characters, and she starts to imagine or hang on to every slight, she needs to remember the love for it will let her sleep more peacefully. It will help her to be who she is meant to be.

p.s. Thanks for the mental workout Shelly because today I am a little less of the lost girl I was yesterday.

The lost girl dwells in all of us. Funny, I have been contemplating why; my childish behavior surrounds my confidence,

This is my suggestion of the why: (only my opinion)

One, I always want to be liked by my sisters and to feel equal to all of them, but I am not, that is okay, I have grown up. But life has a habit of playing and replaying the game of run around in circles, what goes around comes around, and what has happened in the past will happen again…. I am no poet, but I have a sense of desire to please to the bitter end my “SISTERS”, weird they are who build me up and yet can tear me down in just a look, doesn’t take words, doesn’t take actions, it is the instability of self-confidence and the “please don’t tell anyone, but” (always to the wrong person,) the please don’t tell anyone should be addressed directly with the person I have a concern with…. WHY, why do I play the game and I do PLAY.

I have been thinking of a song lately, a way of life and a book by which I was brought up:

Be Careful little eyes what you see, be careful little…..If you haven’t got something nice to say….The bible and the rosary was said in the house that I grew up in

And the forgotten lesson that I was taught: RESPECT one another.

In conclusion to my roller coaster We only have each other, and who knows for how long, as AJ says, “Together Strong” apart from me, but not apart from my heart.

Love youColette the lucky one, I was there for the first BLOG, 200 has an everlasting impact, a gift of untold measure. You are a beautiful person and a wonderful sister.

You and I have grown up, we are grown up. You have always been loved and always accepted. Always. Sometimes I don't know who I love more than you until I see my next sister and don't know who I love more than her, and so on and so on.

If we are not a relationship of equals it just doesn't work. A relationship between unequals collapses. Many times I too (ego) feel unequal but I am getting clearer that it is some form of false pride (ego -- oh they feel sorry for me, I have cancer, they asked someone else and not me). Shelly is this sounding like a repeat performance.

You see Colette you have the lost girl too. We are all equal to that. Remember the love.

Hi, you left a comment on my blog, thanks. I have had a look at yours and your illustrations are just beautiful, and your story made me quite sad while i sit here with the tropical rain pouring over my overflowing gutters and my wet dog smelling damp and mouldy and hairy.

"BE GOOD TO ONE ANOTHER AND TAKE CARE OF EACH OTHER BECAUSE THAT IS ALL YOU HAVE IS EACH OTHER""I LOVE YOU AND I AM PROUD OF EVERYONE OF YOU"

we felt all the love and closeness towards each other around dad's bed day and night and somehow now that we are all grieving we are at some sort of far off distance in our own grief.and i think we all miss apart of that togetherness that we can't get back because life does go on ...it has to.