Journey part2

Continued from “Journey Part 1.” …what I didn’t know was, well, it’s better expressed in this quote by EM Forster “We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned so as to live the life that is waiting for us.”

Seven months after the birth of our now 4-year son, I became pregnant but had a miscarriage at 10 weeks. This event repeated itself again the next year with a loss (stillborn) at four months pregnancy just weeks before my mother passed away. This time I waited one full to “try” again but same outcome – a stillborn baby at five months. I didn’t relent, but waited longer… and again recently (June 2010) had a stillborn at six months pregnancy. OK, OK, I don’t even know if there are any words to accurately describe the feeling of experiencing such loss and demise consecutively. The most recent loss completely baffled me and shook my world. This was indeed a heavy cross to carry! See, what’s funny is, spiritually, I understood that God was by my side during these dark periods and only He knew the answers, so I was willing to accept that He has other plans for me. Well… Uhmm… Obviously!!!!!!!!! Emotionally, it was a different story – I was so shocked, broken, confused, dissapointed, flabbergasted, dazed… but something remarkable happened…

Lying on the hospital bed after undergoing painful contractions and pushing out my lifeless baby into the hands of the doctors, I was still in disbelief. When our baby was handed over to the warm arms of my husband, I froze in utter shock and dismay. Unbelievable!!! This is NOT happening! Not again! As difficult as it was to even look at this precious soul peacefully covered by my husband’s embrace, I wanted to have a moment with her. But each time I extended my arms to hold her, I withdrew, looked away, cried, took deep breaths…, tried again… same scenario… About an hour went by before I’d say I overcame that fear, gathered some courage to approach, accept the reality of carrying my lifeless baby.

Holding her in my arms was deeply painful, yet so special, powerful and magical. Sitting there looking at her, observing her tiny features, thinking of the moments she would have shared with us, what she would have become, the anticipation and excitement of my family shattered, my late mother’s wish dashed, I couldn’t help sobbing… On the flip side, somehow I knew in my heart she had to be a special messenger. I knew that I knew that I knew my life would not be the same because she lavished me with Hope. Yes, her body was lifeless, yet it ignited so much light in me. Yes, she uttered no words but spoke volumes to my heart. How could this be?!? The best and easiest way to say this is that the baby died and woke me up!!!!!!!!!!

I made a promise to her and her siblings who now call Heaven home; to honor them by appreciating my life and all that I possess. They are WORTHY!!! I am WORTHY!!! This Is Significant!!!

Proverbs 3:5?!? After returning home from the hospital, how was I going to move forward? That was the big question. OK, I concluded that this was one of those times to “Trust God… and lean not on my own understanding” as eloquently expressed in Proverbs 3:5. But really?? As tempting as it was to sulk in misery!? Physically I was still healing, but somehow I found mental stamina. Thus I was determined to optimize my environment, get rid of negative spirit, maintain a positive attitude, stand firm in my belief and push even harder. I was different: at peace, hopeful, optimistic, faithful… still cautious, I would say… but I expected better, brighter days. Family and friends responded immediately to pour out their support and celebrate the “life” my little precious angel had with us. I participated in the celebration. Observers kept commenting that I was “taking things in stride”. I don’t know, maybe I wasn’t so miserable, sure, but I think I was still somewhat reluctant of letting go too soon… no, not too soon…

Time to retreat and seek. When all the population disappeared, I thought it was wise to retreat, ask , seek, give thanks, and see what happens… But how could I “Give Thanks” in a situation like this? Uhmm, well, I just lost a baby; isn’t that enough justification to be bitchy?!? Thanking God was confusing – It felt like I was quickly dismissing the worthiness of the babies’ lives but at the same time, I knew I had to humble myself. Knowing is one thing, applying the knowledge is another. Well, my husband didn’t miss giving thanks everyday in our prayers and this practice definitely had instant rewards. The more I did, the easier it was to “see” God’s will. I was now willing to use all the energy stemming from hurt, grief, dissapointment and re-direct it into PASSION for Living and productivity. I knew I had to go within, spend time with the Source of Strength! One day I chose my favorite time to meditate. In our home, this is usually when everyone is gone to bed and there’s utmost tranquility. Ahhh, what a great time for me, myself and I to communiacte with God. I absolutely love having all three of “ME” together with God because united, in sync, we all see possibilities…, one of which led to the lauching of OH, LEAD ME! – a place where duty is born out of Love!

Quite frankly, I must admit the anguish did not instantly melt away… I was still not detached. So many things around me reminded me of my baby. Well, the “bulge” was still embelishing my appearance for crying out loud. No doubt our son kept rubbing my tummy with the words “baby inside Mama’s tummy”. Aaawww, this touched me dearly but also tore me apart. The baby crib was still gracing its rightful position and tiny pink items were catching my eyes everyday. I actually felt like escaping…

All of this was happening in the midst of a move to a new home. So the idea of starting a huge undertaking like “OH Lead Me” website was enormous. I needed a lot of help from My Source – – -

The Turning Point. My late mother, being who she is, couldn’t stand the sight of me in agony. She defied the grave and a few days later, I had a very vivid dream of her in our home. Do you even call that a dream? She was “right there”!!! At first she seemed agitated and all I could hear were murmuring of words… I woke up, tried to make sense of what just happened, but to no avail. So I pleaded with her to return and make herself clear. Then immediately I drowned back to sleep, there she was, walking up the stairs into our bedroom, smiling, radiant, well dressed, glowing, right there offering me comfort; but mostly she spent the time drooling over her grandson, rejoicing and singing about how grown he was since the last time she “saw” him. She turned her attention to me again; her message much more explicit: “…ENJOY Your Life!” When I heard those words, Oh was I elated, reguvenated and re-energized beyond wordsss!!!!!! I leaped out of bed and texted my siblings announcing this awesome news… and they replied with curiousity for details and rejoiced with me.

One thing is sure, this woman (straight from Heaven) knows her daughter; and so in keeping with her words, the only way I know how to really enJOY my life is to be in sync with My Source of Infinite Power, Use my Gifts to Create Life as directed, while Serving Humanity…

I’ll continue living, enJOYing my life; continue dreaming and Hope/Pray that someone who is dismayed, whose plans were dashed will also get Rejuvenated by my message… because the truth is, we are all connected beings who need each other. You too are worthy of Happiness, Fulfillment, and Freedom from negative grip. You are worthy to Create your own Realities and Destiny! I can only hope that your own adventures prove to be equally rewarding for you now and in the future… and the universe provides you with the best surprise solutions when you bodly seek and step into the unknown in pursuit of your aspirations. After all, “all things work together for good to them that love God, and are the called according to his purpose.” You can’t go wrong with Romans 8:28 LOL

Many thanks to my babies for reminding to be more appreciative of life and its abundance.

Many thanks to my late Mom for continuing to comfort me and offer her warm touch, reassuring words and unconditional Love.

Thanks to the pillar in my life who is ever so gracious and firm: my husband, partner, friend. Heeeyy “Chicito” !

Thanks to the dynamic trio (my younger sister, younger brother and myself) for encouraging each other to pursue our dreams. Especially to my younger sister for reminding that she benefited a lot from my ability to motivate her growing up and pushed me to explore this prowess.

Hey Disney Plush, I’d turn it around and say many, many Thanks to you. I hope your audience at your Fresh Blog will find the information useful. That’s why we do what we do… Thanks a lot for your support.

Therra,
you are such an inspiration!!! Through your experiences you’ve confirmed to me that God’s time is always the best even though it may not be ours. Whenever I call you up about my own life challenges, you somehow transform it into something positive and the end is always great. how you do it, only God alone knows and all I can say is, THANK YOU LORD for such overflow of blessings. QUE LE SEIGNEUR VOUS BENISSE, TON MARI ET TES ENFANTS! Je vous aime tous et accepte les bisoux de ta grande seour,
Ma Flor.

Hey Grand Seour, you’re making us feel very plush with all that bisoux coming from you. Thank you so much for your benediction and support. Your insightful compliments are very uplifting. You know it means a lot coming from you.

WooooWooo Donna! “Strong all over again”, I am energized by those words. Of course there’s connection; our hearts are in sync and we are here for each other. Your words hit a core level and I want to sincerely thank you for that. Our spirits are not stationary so they wake up and fly high where there’s inspiration. Thanks for connecting…

Thanks Betty for your precious time here. It means a lot that you’re linking ohleadme to your favorites. It was my hope that someone derives “positive energy” when they arrive & leave here and I’m soooooo glad to did. For that I should Thank God!
Blessings,
Therra
LAUGH ALL YOU CAN, IT’S FREE MEDICINE!

Hey Cathy, I’m delighted tweeter contributed to this, LOL! Thanks a lot for ur blessings, for I openly receive them. I believe in Dreams and I think I’m living one at this point in my life: Being there for my family and pursuing my true passion. I sincerely wish same for you!
Blessings,
Therra
LAUGH ALL YOU CAN, IT’S FREE MEDICINE!

Wow, that was a very good read through. Finally, somebody who truly thinks and appreciates what they are talking about. Extremely rare lately, particularly on the internet. I bookmarked your website and will make sure to keep coming back here if this is how you always post. Appreciate it, keep it up!

Howdy I found this article by sheer luck, I was searching Yahoo for Oahu rental when I came upon your blog, I must say your webpage is really intriguing I just love the layout, its astounding! I’m in a bit of a rush right now but I have bookmarked it and signed up for your RSS feeds. Bravo for a great webpage!!

Thanks for sharing. Everything happens for a reason. In every situation, we have to learn whatever lessons the Lord is trying to teach us. This will help us to grow and propel us faster to where He wants us to go.

In btw-the picture of you in the hospital with the sun glasses on- priceless and soooo you! – Love you babes.

Wow Mommy T,
Thanks for sharing. I can truely see the works of God in you as I read through. He teaches us the importance of living and appreciating life through different experiences.
I’ll keep reading this blog over and over.
Never stop doing what you do.

Therra, my heart goes out to you. Thank you so much for this website and for sharing your story and your struggles. You have inspired me today in so many ways. I just came back from adoration and was lost in thoughts, fill with doubts when i some how stumbled on your website. it took away my pain, gave me hope. Thank you so much. God bless you and your beautiful family. Eve Timioh

Hi, just believed i need to tell you something.. Twice now, I’ve landed on your blog in the last 3 weeks looking for totally unrelated things. Fantastic Info here! Keep up the great work, get the job done!

This design is spectacular! You obviously know how to keep a reader amused. Between your wit and your videos, I was almost moved to start my own blog (well, almost…HaHa!) Great job. I really loved what you had to say, and more than that, how you presented it. Too cool!

Hi Therra,ever since u published this, I haven’t had the gutts to read thru and drop a comment. As soon as I saw the photo, I knew what the story was all abt and I could remember how u were hurting and it touched me deeply. I was escaping, didn’t want to feel that hurt again by reading. But such is life, I can’t escape forever. On the positive note, I’m pleased that putting this up reminds us of how precious life is and that we should always give thanks. Thank u for drawing us to our knees becos it is the best ‘place’ to meet God. You are an inspiration to many and me esp. Love from ur lil’ sis, Linda.

SIMPLY STATED…

This site is really about keeping your Vibes high. Let your Energy vibrate at a high positive frequency!!!!!!!

MY MANTRA:
CREATE, LOVE, LIVE, LAUGH!!!

BRIEF OVERVIEW:
I CREATE(d) this site just after experiencing yet another huge loss (stillborn baby - 4th consecutive episode in the last 4yrs). I know God LOVEs me... He gave me this outlet to express my PASSION, to INSPIRE others to fully LIVE regardless of obstacles. I BELIEVE obstacles are not always our *foe* but could be our *friend* if we accept & take the lessons to heart. Obstacles help us slow down, reprioritize, grow & ultimately fulfill our destiny... (i.e.) If & only IF we see it that way!
To read more, click FOUNDER >> Her Journey...
Happy browsing :-)