Egyptian security officials are reporting that former president Hosni Mubarak has slipped in the bathroom and sustained a serious head injury. While not life threatening, doctors are saying that Mubarak is in a confused, dissociative state as a result of the head trauma.

The accident reportedly took place while Mr. Mubarak was showering. He appears to have dropped the soap, stepped on it, and then back flipped out of the shower stall, colliding head first with a toilet several feet away.

Doctors say that in the hours immediately following the injury, the ousted president demanded access to writing materials, claiming that he had just invented the flux capacitor. Since then, Mr. Mubarak's mental state has continued to deteriorate. He now appears to no longer understand Arabic, believes the year is 1959, that he is a rabbi from New York City, and that doctors, who he often refers to as 'schmendricks', must release him immediately or he will be late for a bris.

On the phone with a reporter, Mubarak said, "If these schmucks don't let me out of this fakakta place, I'm gonna miss the Goldstien bris, and I'll never hear the end of it! Oy gevalt, I haven't been home in weeks, my wife must be so verklempt!"

Egyptian security minister, Juzwan Agohom, speaking on condition of anonymity, said that it had become so difficult for prison and medical staff to understand Mr. Mubarak that they had taken the desperate measure of asking the Israeli government for assistance. He added that so far they had gotten bupkis in reply.