I’ve been reorganizing my blogs, much as I am now trying to reorganize my life, carving out space and time in a rushing river of time. When perhaps, all I need to do is realize the fastest currents are within me.

I will be here more often now. I’ve been carrying thoughts of my mother lately.

Maybe it’s because my oldest daughter has told me that she is with child again, and there has been talk that it might be a girl.

Well, of course, it might. And then it might not. But this is the kind of talking that is done with playfulness and fun, but more…it awakens me to a realization. The line among the women of my family has been tenuous and hard fraught with feelings of desperate love, jealousy and betrayal.

Will the cycle be broken with this one? Or with my youngest? And what kind of role model will I be to a granddaughter?

This morning, my youngest told me that she thought we were a lot like each other, that she could see me in her. I smiled. She meant it as a compliment, a stature she wanted to obtain. She has not grown to despise what I represent.

I know there is a natural breaking away, but can it be that it will not be so hard or harsh as it was with my oldest? So much of that depends on the choices I make now…and the choices she will make then.

Strange…how when I am in this place I feel like I am in a sacred place. Not like a regular blog like my others. Those are special and meaningful to me. But this place is different, because when I come here, I am different. In this most public of places, I feel alone. Perhaps my thoughts of my mother crowd everything else out.

Even as an adult with children and grandchildren, she looms a large figure in my life.

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About the Author

About the Author: Demian Yumei, author, singer/songwriter and artist activist, uses spoken, written word and original songs in her human rights activism. She's a long time traveler on the healing journey and has a lifelong love affair with the creative process. More from this author.

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