Friday, April 3, 2009

Dating for Dummies

I have a ton of single friends. Singles *shout out*! They are always asking for my advice on dating and relationships. After hearing an abundance of dating horror stories (most of them involving hair ‘issues’, impersonations and drunkenness)…I can see that my services are needed now more than ever.

I take my singles advisory job very seriously, because…well, I am *the* coolest chick…trust me …and I do have all of the answers. I suggest following these tips until you are prepared to fly or see a freak flag.

His & Hers

1) The subject of money and exes should not come up.2) Your mobile device should only be looked at if you’re a parent of a school-aged child...and even then, minimally so.3) If you do have kids, try not to talk too much about them. Your date knows that your kids are great and that you love them.4) Everyone loves dogs…if you have a dog…talk about it…if you have a cat…well, I guess that’s ok too *wink*.5) Keep any medical conditions and medications private…tonight is not the night for disclosure.6) I’m not one of those that believes that its taboo to discuss politics and or religion. However, if a disagreement on these subjects is a deal breaker you may want to vet your dates before you go out with them.7) Don’t. get. drunk.

His

1) Be charming…naturally. Be on time, try to keep portfolio and work talk to a minimum and bear in mind, she doesn’t need to know how drunk you were last (or any) night.2) Be complimentary…in a tasteful way. Keep it simple…tell her that she looks great. Being specific can put you in a weird place. Saying something like ‘Oh…you got a haircut’ (this may make her think that you don’t like it and it’s a danger zone because maybe she doesn’t like it)3) Be funny…but not awkward. Don’t tell jokes, imitate Chris Walken or quote any character from your favorite movie (save these for your first ‘freak flag’ presentation)4) Be chivalrous…but careful. Feel her out (not up). If it’s natural for you to open the car door when she gets in - do it (but understand it may be weird if you do it when she’s getting out). Pay. If she is insistent, insist back and tell her she can reciprocate next time.5) Be sensible. If you’re meeting for drinks – don’t suggest the bar that you get hammered at once (or thrice) a week. The bartender should not know what you drink and it should be a high-five free zone.

Hers

1) Be likable…and friendly. You are on a date. Let him open the door if he wants to. Do converse…don’t filibuster. Unless you’re dating the FreeCreditReport.com guy, he doesn’t need to know how much debt you’re in.2) Be agreeable…and flexible. If you’re dieting, tonight is the night to splurge. He has a mother and is aware of the female species; he doesn’t want to hear about your latest fad diet.3) Be confident…not conceited. If he compliments you, say thank you…don’t agree or disagree with him about said compliment. Do not talk about your weight. And PLEASE if you think there’s a chance of a visit…be sure the Netherlands are groomed.4) Be honest…especially if the subject of sports comes up. Just because you know who Tom Brady is and you think he’s hot, doesn’t mean you know anything about football. If you do know sports…giddy-up.5) Let him pay, but, if you go somewhere after dinner buy at least one round of drinks.

The G'nite

Once you get to the end of the date you’ll be able to take it from there. You’ll know the level of chemistry and what to do next. Have fun…be safe and…Happy Dating!

1 comment:

I always thought you were a"cool chick" this is really great advice..I would like to add for the guys out there 1.Dont mention the toothless Filipino crack whore you once knew.2.never wear "oshkooshb'gosh" overalls on a first date.3.when talking about sports if she say's Tom Brady is hot dont be too quick to agree.save your mancrush for the freak flag session.