Sunday, October 19, 2008

The Post Mortem: Good Guys Do Win

Bobby Knight once said that if rape was inevitable, you might as well sit back and enjoy it. Baseball fans entertained a similar thought when it became clear that the Boston Douche Nozzles were going to win the American League. Besides, if it's not the Angels, does it really matters who wins?

Honestly, could Boston fans be bigger a-holes than they already were? Might as well keep the damage contained to one area and one group of obnoxious, a-hole, "there's no way we will live in New England" fans.

The Rays, however, would not have any part of that. And you know what, it's pretty awesome that the Red Sox will have to think about choking the ALCS away. Oh that's right, Boston choked. Because ESPN's Sports Dork Bill Simpson must have been thinking that the Red Sox were in "dead man walking" mode after the Rays gagged a 7-0 lead in game 5. This was a choke.

In fact, with the Sox choke, New Englanders ignoring the Patriots because they suck again, Boston is only one dead Celtic away from rightfully reclaiming its title as Loosertown, USA.

Congrats to the Rays, you made us proud. See what happens when you hire a former Angels skipper, instead of a former Yankees manager?

WHO GETS IT FIRST, PHILLIPS OR TURNER?Jerry Jones was kicking around the names Norv Turner and Wade Phillips when he was looking to hire a coach. Not that this should be a surprise. Jones once said that 500 coaches could lead the 1994 Cowboys to a Super Bowl.

Jones, of course, hired coach No. 501 -- Barry Switzer. So Jerruh, picking the wrong coach is, well, a given. And the guy he really wanted to hire, Jason Garrett, is not any closer to being a head coach, either. So Jones will likely bite the bullet on this season. But how long before we start hearing the names Bill Cowher or Marty Schottenheimer tossed around for the Dallas gig? Maybe Mike Holmgren. Let's be honest, Jerruh is going to go after a big name.

And he needs an ego to make this circus work.

Jerruh was the guy who had to undress his team following a disappointing loss to the St. Louis FC. Philips is not that guy. But then again, only people with football acumen and the ability to look at pro-football-reference.com could have told you that Philips wouldn't have worked out.

The Chargers are a different story. The ego of A.J. Smith will not allow him to can Turner this year. Or next year, either. The Chargers already are loafing off the, "We started slow mantra" this season. They have built in excuses with injuries to the offensive line, LT and Shawne Merriman. Smith and the Chargers will write this season off as just one bad year. They will compound the mistake by keeping Turner around for an extra year.

Old school gamesmanship: The St. Louis FC forcing the Cowboys to wear the dreaded blue uniforms. There was a team that played in Los Angeles called the Rams that did that to the Cowboys once in the 1978 NFC Championship Game. The Rams lost 28-0.

The Raiders have a kid zone where children can learn some great Raiders activities such as throwing interceptions, missing fields and missing assignments on the offensive line. The longest line is for the "learn how to commit a boneheaded penalty" drill. Well, next to the "stab a Chargers fan" line. Hey RJ, these jokes are funny now, right?

Speaking of coaches on the hot seat, Mike Nolan is doomed. The 49ers have failed to improve on the defensive side of the football. One of Nolan's strengths. But come on, are we really surprised? Nolan wanted to wear suit to emulate his father. Now he's losing a bunch of games in San Francisco like his old man, too.

Roy Williams must believe like he never left Detroit. Be careful what you ask for.

Terry Bradshaw -- and who wakes up for this stuff -- was spot-on when he said that the NFL doesn't care about the average fan in regards to the rising Super Bowl ticket prices. But corporate America will still buy the tickets. What's weird, the FOX morning show is simulcast on 570 Sunday mornings. And it's just as unfunny on the radio, too.

What does it say about the league when a tough guy like Brodie Croyle continues to get hurt. Oh wait, he's never been healthy in his career, going all the way back to his days at Alabama. No wonder the Chiefs blow. They draft guys like this and expect them to do well in the NFL.

Have you noticed how dependent you have become on the constant score being available? Watching the Chargers-Bills was like watching a game in 1985. Was anybody else waiting for them to break in with the 10-minute ticker?

Great moment in the Sunday night game: Mike Holmgren, holding the red challenge flag in his hand, was clapping when Ike Hilliard was able to walk off the field after a jarring collision. And then Holmgren promptly challenged the play, saying that Hilliard fumbled. Kind of like, 'Hey, I'm glad you aren't dead and can still walk. But you fumbled.' The Seahawks did win the challenge.

AND FINALLYUSC really clubbed Washington State this weekend. But what you won't notice in the box score is that the Trojans actually took their foot off the gas. Especially in the second quarter. USC was inside the 10-yard line with time running out, but instead of running up the score, the Trojans were content to let the clock run out. Hard to imagine many coaches doing the same thing.

If the Big XII is for real, then Texas is a frightening team. However, Missouri might have been a little bit overrated.

Boise State or Utah. Have to give the nod to the Broncos getting into the BCS. Utah won't be able to run the table.

And Ohio State, not buying it. Not at all. Just hope you get to play Arizona in the Rose Bowl.

The 500 coaches line is one of my favorites. Two things pretty much prove him right.

1) The fact that The Cowboys were able to win the third Bowl the following year with- more or less- probation officers and guidance counselors for a coaching staff.

2) In the '94 NFC Championship game, never mind that the Niners were a powerhouse and the Cowboys spotted them 21 points, Deion Sanders was allowed to stick Michael Irvin under 1977 rules...while they were calling PI left and right on the Cowboys. Unless you're going to tell me that he would have gotten them home field, I don't think there's anything Jimmy Johnson could have done there.

True. The NFL seeemd to deem the 49ers as the champions before the game started, so there was nothing the Cowboys could have done. I just don't think that Johnson would have let them go down 21 points in the game.

I'm the one person who knows this, but Brodie Croyle set a ton of Alabama High School football records (should be noted he did this against teams like the Helen Keller School for the Blind and Deaf). However, he could've put it out of reach had he not tore his ACL in the first week of his senior year. He's been injury prone at least since then, and I was a freshman in high school.

The Autumn Wind is a Hater!

The Hater Nation is back where it belongs. Turns out, we were too lazy to sellout. So unless somebody wants to give us $100K per year to tell McKenzie Phillips' jokes, we are probably going to be found here for a while.

Last and Ten Obvious Admissions We Would Like to See

10.Peter King admits it ... he really wants to sex up Brett Favre. And he wants to give Tom Brady a coffee enema.

9. Cowboys owner Jerry Jones admits that his face is as real as Joan Rivers' face.