Due to the apology by the Pope in Vatican City for wearing a funny
hat and living in a really cool palace and having his own personal
stand-up-and-ride-around-in-it-Pope Mobile and; due to the announced
intention of the Aetna insurance company to pay extortion benefits to
the descendants of slaves whose owners Aetna had the gaul to insure
over 150 years ago, it has been determined by the citizens of the
town of Last Ditch Attempt that world and national leaders are in the
middle of a serious and perhaps terminal shortage of testicles.

Testicles are marble shaped and usually found enclosed in a gross
looking little furry sack found hanging between the legs of the male
animal.

Due to the apparent theft of said testicles from business and
political leaders of all stripes the folks of Last Ditch Attempt are
appealing to you and other folks just like you to help them restore
testicles to their rightful place between the legs of the
aforementioned leaders.

If you know someone who has testicles they are not using, we urge you
to urge them to send their testicles to our world leaders TODAY! If
YOU have testicles you are not using, clip them off and mail them in
TODAY!

Please help the patriotic folks of Last Ditch Attempt in their effort
to help the testically challenged.

I read TLE and Vin Suprynowicz. His latest column hit a nerve. I'm
sending you a copy of what I wrote to him. If you decide to publish
any significant part of this in TLE, please, please be careful to
edit it. Just throw it out if you don't have the time to sanitize it.
I'm a dead man if this gets traced back to me. Thank you.

- - -

Dear Mr. Suprynowicz

I read your columns regularly, and enjoy them immensely. Thank you
for speaking the truth. Please accept my heartfelt wishes for a long
and happy life and career.

The title of your March 12 column "The thugs now reign in
Massachusetts" has a lot more meaning that perhaps even you realize.

Under a 1998 law, I became a felon on my last birthday. I've never
had any contact with the law beyond a speeding ticket some years ago,
but by the stroke of a pen I am now a felon. I became a felon because
I own a gun and I refuse to go to the local police station every 4
years for mug shots and a full set of fingerprints, and I won't
immediately notify the state authorities whenever I move. If I had
been convicted of murder, the cops would have my fingerprints, and
once I finished prison and parole I could live anywhere I wanted
without telling any official about it. But because I own a gun, I am
treated far worse than convicted murderers.

Understand, I'm not talking about carrying a concealed handgun, or
even "assault weapons" (though the new law has many draconian
punishments for people who dare to own a semi-auto). Under this law,
possession of ANY gun, any cartridge (spent or not), any powder,
primers, bullets, wads, or shot, even a can of pepper spray, requires
me to be fingerprinted and mug shot. The data is kept by the state's
Criminal History Systems Division - the same folks who keep the
records on murderers, rapists, and other convicted criminals. The
fingerprints and mug shots of lawful gun owners in this state are
instantly available to law enforcement agencies nationwide (and
probably worldwide) thru the FBI's NCIC system.

It gets even worse. I'm not only a felon for the 25-year old 12-gauge
pump shotgun that I keep in the closet, I'm a felon for not keeping
it locked (and therefore useless) at all times. Locking my front door
doesn't count as "preventing unauthorized persons from gaining access
to the firearm." I have no children but the state mandates that I
render myself completely defenseless to any criminal who cares to rob
or kill me. God only knows what will happen to me if I ever have to
use the shotgun to defend myself. I suspect I'd end up in prison, and
pay restitution to the criminal whose "rights" I "violated."

The penalties for all these new crimes is 10 years in prison. Since I
could get charged with a separate count for each round of ammo, that
brick of .22 cartridges I bought for my grandfather's single-shot
match rifle could get me 50,000 years. This is not a theoretical
calculation: a Wayland man is facing 70 years for "unsafe storage" of
his firearms: 7 counts of 10 years each. (Contact goal.org for
corroboration and details of this case and my statements about the
new laws).

It's bad being a felon and living in fear. I go to sleep every night
wondering if the door will be smashed in by ninja-suited, armored,
machine-gun toting thugs that will kill me where I stand if I so much
as reach for that shotgun. It won't really matter much to me then if
they were free-lance crooks or professional, government-paid murders.
I suppose I should move out of state, but my family has been here for
generations, my job is here, and I won't be run off my own property
by a bunch of bullies, legal or otherwise.

I'm feeling quit alone here. The ACLU has abandoned Massachusetts gun
owners on the left, and the NRA just betrayed them on the right. The
ACLU just pursued a case to the US Supreme Court on whether or not
certain violent convicted criminals must surrender DNA samples for a
databank. (The Supremes declined to hear the case.) The ACLU spent
enormous effort on behalf of 10,000 (by their own count) criminals.
The ACLU says that it opposes the suspicionless collection and
dissemination of fingerprints, and fought the Georgia
fingerprint-on-your-drivers-license law vigorously. But a million
gunowners are forced, under penalty of fines and imprisonment, to
give up their fingerprints, and the ACLU won't even answer my letters
on the subject, much less make a statement, a press release, or file
a court case, like they do for murderers.

On the right, the NRA now stands with HCI in vowing to put people
like me behind bars. I wouldn't have believed it if I didn't hear and
see the video recordings on the NRA website. "You touch a gun in
Colorado, and you're gonna have five years in a state or federal
penitentiary." says Wayne LaPierre, standing on the stage with
Wellington Webb and HCI spokesmen. Under their Project Exile, anyone
caught with an illegal gun gets tried in federal court. What the NRA
doesn't seem to understand, or perhaps just doesn't care about, is
that here in Massachusetts, my guns were made illegal by the stroke
of a pen. If I ever get caught with them, I could very well end up
being tried in both Federal and State courts, in a Kafka-like race to
see who can come up with the longest mandatory sentence.

I'm scared Mr. Suprynowicz, I'm angry, and I feel terribly alone. The
ACLU turns a blind eye on massive violations of its own principles,
the NRA has betrayed all gun owners, GOAL, JPFO, SAF, and all the
others I send money to can't help me, and my own so-called
representative co-sponsored this new law. This must be something akin
to what the Jews in Germany felt in the late 1930's. Gunowner's have
been cut out of the herd, demonized, ostracized, and blamed for
everything wrong with society. We have much better technology today
for tracking and finding people that the Nazis did, so when the final
solution comes, I don't hold out much hope for running, hiding, or
fighting. My only hope is that I die a peaceful death before that day
comes.

The thugs now reign in Massachusetts. They reign in the statehouse,
in the courts, in the media, and in the police. One million obedient
sheeple have meekly surrendered their fingerprints and now carry
state-mandated papers for having the temerity to exercise their
inalienable right to self-defense. They might as well make them wear
special arm bands. I don't know how many there are like me out there,
but I doubt that we'll be around for much longer.

Please excuse my using an anonymous email. I'm not paranoid, they are
truly out to get me. Feel free to use any of my whining as you see
fit: I only ask that you change the style a bit if you use very much
of it, as I've been published on other topics, and it is very
possible that the FBI or some other agency could match the style of
those documents with this one.

Thank you, and keep up the good work.

[We at TLE have always stated that submitters must
provide a name and e-mail address to get a letter published. Therefore,
in compliance with that one hard-and-fast rule, this letter is signed:

I think it may be high time for gun owners to make at least a
symbolic gesture of defiance. How difficult would it be for
various local grass roots gun rights groups to launch a simultaneous
campaign. What I have in mind is to simply head the Nazis off
at the pass. We need to acquire, distribute and wear large
stars on our chest with a big "G" on them. And we need to hope
that people and, God forbid, the press ask us why.

We could do more group-oriented things in conjunction as well.
Like organize marches of gun owners dressed like death camp
inmates. If this be the role into which we'll be cast, lets
acknowledge it and make the most of it while we can still do
so by the light of day.

I almost choked when I read that Al Gore and The-Bill-Of-No-Rights
felt shocked at the NRA chairman's comments, stating that they seem
to need a certain level of killings to further their Victim
Disarmament policies. Okay, the big sell-out didn't say "Victim
Disarmament", and in the case of the NRA, I would think of it as a
lot of hot air....

Anyway, Gore even had the bad taste of saying that, "as one who has
spent a lot of time in the company of the victims' families, he would
like to see la Pierre look those people in the eye, and repeat his
comments".

Well, I'd like to see Bill, Al or Jackboot Reno look the survivors
(if they can find any!) and relatives of the victims of Waco, Ruby
Ridge, etc. in the eye, and claim that it was THE GUNS that made the
government thugs commit their atrocities, and not their fascist
masters.

There's only one way to reduce "Gun Violence" - Disarm the Feral
Government!

The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses,
papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures,
shall not be violated, and no Warrants shall issue, but upon
probable cause, supported by Oath or affirmation, and particularly
describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to
be seized.

Fifth Amendment to the United States Constitution.......

Has something changed since I went to sleep? Last time I read the 10
Amendments this was number 4. Oh! I know what this is, "A stroke of
the pen, law of the land. Kinda cool!"

On the 21st of March, Rush Limbaugh told his listeners that when the
liberties of one are threatened, all liberties are threatened. He
then went on to speak of how the current administration is using the
tactic of going after small groups who exercise certain freedoms,
such as gun owners or cigarette smokers. He even went so far as to
say that Conservatives are the defenders of the Constitution.

This is what I sent to him.

Die Hard Dittos Rush,

When I heard your morning update on the 21st of March my first
response was "Welcome to the party, pal." We Libertarians have spent
over twenty years warning people about the gradual encroachment into
the liberty of Americans by the government.

Unfortunately your solution to the problem is more of the same
medicine. After all, the Republicans, or the Lesser Hamiltonian Party
as my friends and I call them, have done their share of subverting
the Constitution in the name of their own dreams of tyranny.

When you spoke of loss of property rights, the Conservatives favorite
war, the War on Some Drugs, has done more to undermine private
property through Asset Forfeiture laws than the rest of the Alphabet
Soup of agencies have done. Not to mention the Conservative obsession
with criminalizing abortion strikes at the most precious of property
rights, the right of a woman to own her body.

This problem has been in existence longer than this current
administration. The only new element added by the White Houses
current occupants is the speed of encroachment. Since Abe Lincoln
used the might of the Federal Government to repress the Southern
States right of self determination the Republicans have done their
part along with the Democrats to deprive Americans of their liberty.

So, I will say here again, welcome to the party, I hope you will look
deep into your heart and decide which is more important, your team or
your country.

I was just at your website and thought you'd be interested to know
about a program we've developed in partnership with ABC News
Correspondent John Stossel. I'd also like to cordially invite you to
join our list of organizations who support this project.

We are the Palmer R. Chitester Fund, a not for profit organization
which develops media programs that illuminate the prerequisites of a
free society. (Perhaps you are familiar with the Free to Choose
television series that we produced.)

"Stossel in the Classroom" is the name of our current project. We
develop classroom materials (teacher and student guides) that
correspond to Stossel's popular one-hour television specials. We
package the guides and videos into stand-alone 'Video Kits' and
promote them as supplemental materials for use in America's high
schools and colleges.

We've already developed and are presently marketing the Video Kits
for Stossel's specials 'GREED,' 'FREELOADERS,' and 'ARE WE SCARING
OURSELVES TO DEATH?' and we are now developing the materials for the
very popular "IS AMERICA # ONE?," which Milton Friedman told us "is
like a present-day Free To Choose packed into one hour."

We have created an entity called the "Friends of Stossel in the
Classroom." This is a group of individuals and organizations that are
helping us 'get the word out' about our project. See
www.prcfund.org/Stossel/friends/index.html for the state-by-state
listing. Some organizations mention us in their direct mailings,
email newsletters, or on their web site. Others have lent us mailing
lists or have enclosed our flyers in their mailings.

If you'd like to join, simply let me know how you'd like to help out
or if you just simply like what we are doing! Thanks, I look forward
to hearing from you.

I don't want 14 year old girls to have "shoulder-launched
heat-seeking missiles"! First of all, they would just be wasting
their parents money. Second, by making them depend on heat seeking
gizmos you prevent them from learning proper marksmanship. Let young
girls buy RPG-7's with their allowance, instead of spoiling them with
expensive arms. Think how proud they would be if they know they can
blow a bradley full of killers with their own skill instead of it
being the result of micro-chips.

Honestly, that Vin Suprynowicz needs to remember that parents can't
just buy every weapon that catches a child's eye.

SAN FRANCISCO--Urban Writer and Pennsylvania native Eric Miller has
contributed an essay to a new book about famous authors and the
places they knew.

"On Top of the World In New York" tells the story of writer Ayn Rand
and the city she loved in Literary Trips: Following In The Footsteps
of Fame, available now in Canada and this fall in the United States.

Published by GreatestEscapes.com,
where Miller contributes frequent
articles as an "urban traveler", the book is being marketed by
Sandhill Book Marketing Company of British Columbia, Canada.

Miller has read most of Ayn Randıs works and appreciates New York's
influence on her novels. He is a self-described "urbanist", has a
Masters in Urban Studies from the University of Akron and
undergraduate degrees from Robert Morris College and the Art
Institute of Pittsburgh.

Rand, the founder of a philosophy called Objectivism, wrote
best-selling titles including
Atlas Shrugged and
The Fountainhead. She lived in New York off and on throughout her life after emigrating
from Russia as a child. Her books still appear on best-seller lists
and her influence on American political thought continues to grow.

Miller worked with the Ayn Rand Institute, Rand's associate Dr. Harry
Binswanger and New York photographer Hoyen Tsang to complete the
chapter.

"Both Ayn Rand and New York have made incomparable impressions on me
and will surely influence my work in the future", Miller said. "I am
glad to have had the opportunity to write about two of my favorite
subjects and have them be a part of this landmark travel book."

Currently, Miller lives in San Francisco where he works as a writer
for a trade association and frequently contributes articles to
magazines and newspapers including San Francisco Downtown,
InPittsburgh and Neighborhood America.

Literary Trips: Following in the Footsteps of Fame can be ordered at
the Literary Trips web site at
www.LiteraryTrips.com. The soft-cover
book sells for $29.95 in Canada and will sell for $19.95 in the
United States.