- HELLO. WELCOME TO, UH, ANOTHER
EDITION OF, UH, "BETWEEN TWO FERNS".
I'M YOUR HOST ZACH GALIFIANAKIS, AND
I'M VERY PLEASED TO HAVE ONE OF MY
FAVORITE ACTORS, STEVE CARELL.
- YEAH, IT'S A PLEASURE TO MEET YOU.
YOU KNOW, I HEAR THE CAMERA
ADDS TEN POUNDS.
LOOKS LIKE YOU'VE EATEN FIVE CAMERAS.
HERE WE GO. HERE WE GO.
- UH, I REALLY LOVE "THE OFFICE" AND I
THINK THAT YOU DID SUCH A GREAT
- AND YOU LOVE RICKY GERVAIS.
- UH.
I SEE WHERE YOU'RE GOING.
- I'VE WATCHED YOUR SHOW. I KNOW WHAT
YOU DO. 'OH, I GOT
YOU CONFUSED. I GOT YOU CONFUSED WITH
THE GOOD ONE.'
RIGHT? 'OH NO, I DIDN'T MEAN YOUR
"OFFICE", I MEANT THE
GOOD ONE.' AND, SCENE.
- ALL RIGHT, LISTEN, STEVE, I'M NOT
HERE TO-
I'M NOT GOING TO DO THE INSULTS LIKE I
USUALLY DO.
- OH, OKAY.
- I'M NOT GOING TO SAY YOUR
CHARACTER ON "DESPICABLE ME",
I HEAR THAT THEY WERE GOING TO
BASE THE NOSE OF THE CHARACTER ON YOUR
NOSE AND DECIDED
TO GO FOR SOMETHING LESS CARTOONISH.
- OKAY.
- I'M NOT GOING TO SAY THAT. LET'S
JUST DO A STRAIGHT INTERVIEW.
- A STRAIGHT INTERVIEW. OKAY. YEAH,
I'M DOWN WITH THAT.
THAT SOUNDS GREAT.
- WHAT IS THE THING THAT YOU'RE MOST
PROUD OF IN YOUR CAREER?
- OH, "EVAN ALMIGHTY", OF COURSE.
- THAT'S A GOOD MOVIE.
- THAT'S ONE I'M MOST PROUD OF.
- THAT'S A GOOD MOVIE.
- FUCK YOU, FATTY!
- STEVE! I'VE NOT-
- JUST LEAD ME RIGHT IN TO THAT, AND
SMACK ME ACROSS THE FACE.
- IT'S A GREAT MOVIE!
- OKAY.
- REGARDLESS OF ALL THAT, LIKE IT LOST
A LOT OF MONEY
AND ALL THAT STUFF. NO ONE SAW IT AND
THE BUDGET WAS WAY
OVER, AND NO ONE WAS INTERESTED IN
SEEING IT. IT'S A GREAT MOVIE.
- I ACTUALLY BROUGHT A FEW THINGS I'D
LIKE TO SAY TO YOU.
"G-FORCE"? MORE LIKE, "G-HE'S FAT!"
THE ONLY FRENCH WORD YOU
KNOW IS BUFFET.
- THAT'S NOT TRUE. I KNOW THE WORD,
UH, CROISSANT.
- I HEARD YOUR LAST NAME USED TO BE
EVEN LONGER, BUT YOU
ATE ALL THE OTHER LETTERS OF THE
ALPHABET. ZACH, YOU LOOK
LIKE A HOMELESS GUY WHO'S BEEN TO A
SOUP KITCHEN THAT
SPECIALIZES IN ICE CREAM SOUP.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
- UH, I DON'T KNOW IF WE SHOULD AIR
THIS ONE.
- I'M SORRY. I'M SORRY.
- I MEAN, I DO STRUGGLE WITH-WITH THE
WEIGHT THING.
- OKAY, I'M-
- IT'S TOUGH IN HOLLYWOOD! THEY EITHER
WANT YOU TO
STAY OVERWEIGHT OR THEY WANT YOU TO
LOSE A BUNCH OF WEIGHT.
- YOU'RE RIGHT! YOU'RE RIGHT!
- I'M IN KIND OF IN A LITTLE BIT OF A CAREER WHERE I
HAD TO CHOOSE TO STAY IN MY WEIGHT AND
IT MIGHT BE UNHEALTHY.
- OKAY, WELL.
- I'M JUST LIKE--I DON'T KNOW MAN,
YOU JUST SEEM SO LUCKY. YOU-NO ONE
EVER MAKES FUN OF THE GREAT STEVE
CARELL. EVERYBODY JUST LOVES YOU, AND-
- THAT'S NOT TRUE.
- WELL, IT IS TRUE.
- WELL, YOU-- THERE'S LOTS OF THINGS
TO MAKE FUN OF.
- LIKE WHAT?
- UM, I'M ITALIAN. CAN YOU MAKE FUN OF THAT?
- IS CARELL NOT YOUR LAST NAME?
- NOT ORIGINALLY.
- WHAT IS IT? PINOCCHIO?
- OKAY. OKAY.
- LIKE WHEN YOU GO TO THE BEACH AND
SOMEONE YELLS, "SHARK! SHARK!" AND
THEN THEY JUST REALIZE THAT IT'S STEVE
CARELL DOING THE BACK STROKE?
- WHEN YOU GO TO THE BEACH AND YOU SWIM
OUT PAST THE BUOYS DO PEOPLE THINK
THAT THERE'S AN ISLAND THERE?
- I'M NOT THAT FAT, MAN!
- YOU ARE PRETTY FAT.
- NO, I'M NOT THAT FAT!
- YOU'RE PRETTY FAT.
- IF YOU WERE TO DO MY LIKE MY
PERCENTAGE OF BODY FAT VERSUS YOUR
PERCENTAGE OF HOW MUCH YOUR NOSE
WEIGHS, I GUARANTEE THAT YOUR NOSE,
PER CAPITA, WEIGHS MORE THAN WHAT I WOULD.
- ALL RIGHT. FUCK YOU, FATSO
- POINT IS, IS THAT I'M NOT THAT FAT. OKAY?
- OKAY.
- I'M NOT THAT FAT.