Behaviors You Realize Are Inappropriate Once You Have Kids

Gettyimages.com/A cute preschool-age African American boy snuggles with his mom in their living room. She is sitting down and he is sitting in her lap and reaching up behind to hug her while he smiles at the camera.

There are plenty of changes that parents anticipate easily, like having to cater their entire schedule to their child, never getting much rest again, and saying goodbye to owning nice things. But then, there are some necessary changes that can take parents by surprise. I realized that once my friends started having kids—we’d be out for drinks, and I’d suggest we do one of our usual antics next, and they’d say, “I can’t do that anymore…I’m a mom.” It’s not like I ever suggest anything that would directly put their kids in harm’s way, but perhaps I’ve suggested some activities that they just would never want their kids to know they did. And, if that’s the case, then they’re better off just not doing those things (because kids have a way of finding out everything these days). Here are behaviors you realize are inappropriate once you have kids.

Getting pretty drunk at brunch

Really going for it in the day drinking department isn’t really an option. Night drinking is one thing—the parent herself can sleep it off before the kid wakes up. But having too many mimosas at lunch just isn’t an option for a parent who has to supervise, entertain, and just generally be present for a very awake child that afternoon.

Peeing in public

I couldn’t get my mom friend to pee behind a building recently, when the line for the bathroom was too long, and, honestly, I get it. If anyone found her doing that, they’d think she wasn’t the greatest role model for her child. Furthermore, you just can’t do things that could get you arrested when you’re a parent—the consequences affect more than just you.

Flashing at Mardi Gras

Or flashing for anything at any time. I know my mom friends just feel different about their breasts now. Their boobs aren’t just their own—they belong to their babies who they nurse or have nursed. They feel like they’re disrespecting their children when they flaunt their body like that.

Getting in a fight

Even if you used to be one to throw down with a rude individual in a parking lot or pharmacy, you just can’t quite do that once you have kids. First off, if your kid is there, you don’t want to teach them to be aggressive or to lose their tempers quickly. And even if the kid isn’t there, you never know when a video of you yelling at someone will wind up online.

Irresponsibly spending money

When you didn’t have to support your kids, it wasn’t a huge deal to blow your gas money on bottle service—you’d just take the bus. But once you have kids, all of your financial mistakes affect them, and you can’t make impulsive decisions with money—even if it’s fun.

Letting anyone film drunken escapades

You have to be very aware of cameras when you have kids. Any time you go drinking with friends and so much as dance on a tabletop, somebody could be recording it. You don’t get to just laugh it off anymore when you wind up on YouTube.

Harmless flirting

Hey, everybody indulges in a little harmless flirting with bartenders, baristas, cashiers, and anyone else who might give you a free drink or a discount—even when we’re in serious relationships. But you can’t really do that with a child in tow because it sends the wrong signal to your child.

Eating tons of junk

Even if you love a good drive-thru a few times a week, you have to hide that habit like it’s your dirtiest secret, or just not do it at all once you have kids. How are you supposed to tell a child that fast food is bad when you eat it regularly?

Leaving a mess

When you want to instill tidiness and a sense of pride in one’s home in your children, you have to be pretty tidy, yourself. So even though, before you were a parent, you’d let dishes sit for days, knowing you’d get to them eventually, you just can’t do that around undisciplined children.

Bad talking your parents

No matter how much your parents drive you up the wall, you have to be careful not to talk badly about them around your kids. Why? Well, for one thing, kids are blabbermouths and will tell! And, on top of that, you need them to respect their grandparents since their grandparents often babysit.

Letting that road rage out

What’s a little road rage so long as you keep the sounds inside your car? Well, nothing when you drive alone. But it’s different when you have a child in your car—you don’t want to pass your anger onto her. So you have to politely smile at the person who just cut you off.

Sleeping until 10 am

Ha! 10am is obviously a joke. Any new parent knows that sleeping past 7am is a rarity. But even if you do have children who are old enough to feed and take care of themselves in the morning, you just feel wrong sleeping once they’re up.

Mean rants on social media

Considering that young children use social media these days, there’s a good chance that your child will see most things you post online. That includes mean, nasty rants criticizing this or that group of people. If you don’t want to explain that complex situation to your children, then you just have to skip the post.

Cutting lines

You know that there are unspoken rules of society, like cutting lines in some situations or taking more samples then you’re supposed to at Costco. But your kids haven’t yet grown to follow the stated rules yet, so you can’t skip right ahead to teaching them to break them.