Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

Defense: What you’d better have around de yard if you’re going to let the children play outside.

Drooling: How teething babies wash their chins.

Dumbwaiter: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.

Family planning: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster

Feedback: The inevitable result when the baby doesn’t appreciate the strained carrots.

Full name: What you call your child when you’re mad at him.

Grandparents: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they’re sure you’re not raising them right.

Hearsay: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.

Impregnable: A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.

Independent: How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.

Look out: What it’s too late for your child to do by the time you scream it.

Prenatal: When your life was still somewhat your own.

Prepared childbirth: A contradiction in terms.

Puddle: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.

Show off: A child who is more talented than yours.

Sterilize: What you do to your first baby’s pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby’s pacifier by blowing on it.

Storeroom: The distance required between the supermarket aisles so that children in shopping carts can’t quite reach anything.

Temper tantrums: What you should keep to a minimum so as to not upset the children.

Top bunk: Where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.

Two-minute warning: When the baby’s face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.

Verbal: Able to whine in words

Whodunit: None of the kids that live in your house.

Whoops: An exclamation that translates roughly into “get a sponge.”

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP!

Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!

DAILY QUOTES…

“Later this month, Google will be testing its new self-driving minivans. The vehicles can do all the functions of a human driver, except wonder, ‘Christ, how did I end up driving a minivan?'” -Conan O’Brien

“More than 60 cities around the world celebrated the 16th annual No Pants Subway Ride yesterday. Or as that one guy on your train calls it, ‘Sunday.'” -Seth Meyers

“In Las Vegas, the Consumer Electronics Show is going on. It displays new technology that makes you already hate the TV you bought two weeks ago for Christmas.” -Jimmy Kimmel

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

Finishing up our work at a trade show in San Diego, my co-worker Maureen and I decided to go sightseeing across the border in Tijuana, Mexico. While there, we went shopping and bought a few pieces of clay kitchenware.

As we crossed back into the United States, a customs official asked if we had anything of value to report.

“Not really,” Maureen replied, digging in her bag for the bean crock she had purchased. Everyone around us froze as she continued, “I only bought a little pot.”

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???‘Dark and sinister man, have at thee!’

Many of our everyday words have more than one meaning. Below are 13 pairs of definitions; both definitions in each pair fit the same word. When read down, the first letters of the word will spell out the name of the first person who invented the first modern pinball machine.