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David Cronenberg has decided his glowing smile needs to be seen by the world so he has taken the leading role in a new film titled "Body Art". The film follows a woman who goes into hiding after the suicide of her husband only to discover a man living with her that can repeat every conversation she ever had with her husband. I know I know, same old story we've seen 100 time already. But hey, maybe they'll do something new with it.

I don't know how something like this happens but apparently there is a "Jeepers Creepers 3: Cathedral" in the works and it might hit theaters as early as June 1st of this year. I've never seen the other two films so I'm a little confused but apparently this one follows a woman who sets out to end the Creeper's killing spree once and for all. I'm guessing that is going to be the plot of every one of these movies going forward but let's just go with it.

If you've never seen the 1968 mind F classic "Barbarella" then I suggest you get off your lazy ass and go pick up a copy of it post haste. It'll help prep you for the small screen adaptation that "Drive" director Nicolas Winding Refn currently has in the works. What's more is the show has just landed Neal Purvis and Robert Wade, the guys who wrote the last 5 Bond flicks have been confirmed to write. Jane Fonda may hate America but if 1968 Jane Fonda told me to move to Canada and start worshiping maple syrup I'd probably do it.

While there's no way in hell it'll stay that way it looks like the "Evil Dead" remake was slapped with an NC-17 rating when it was thrown in front of the ratings folks. A cut version is apparently already being worked on but this gives us all hope for the unrated DVD that will most likely be thrust out. Thrust is a really uncomfortable word.

I've been optimistic about the "Evil Dead" remake and now that this red band trailer has hit the tubes I will go on record as saying I am actually excited. I mean not jump up and down excited, but a "well, that looks like it might be good" kind of excited. So I guess that's not really excited at all, is it? Anyway, it kind of made me go in my pants a little bit because Jane Levy, the film's star, is kind of scary as hell in it. She also has weird stumpy arms. But that's in real life so we shouldn't talk about it because it's rude.

I'm going to answer the question you've been asking for years now. Yes they're making a "V/H/S 2". I know, you were getting nervous. What's more is this time around they've got a pretty kick ass list of directors to create the anthoology sequel. Gareth Evans, Eduardo Sanchez, Timo Tjahjanto and Jason Eisener are all in the mix for this one.

I think so far the reception of the "Evil Dead" remake has been warm to lukewarm, which is pretty good for horror nerds and the internet rage remakes cause. But feast your eyes on a photo of the new Necronomicon from the film. For some reason it's thrown me in a fit of rage. I want a face on it. I want a big weird angry monster face that screams and bites people. I deserve a face on a book.

"Ghostbusters 3" has been delayed again, being pushed from a summer 2013 start date to sometime in the fall of that year. The only thing surprising here to me is that this thing still has a chance of being made.

Mother of god yes. Kurt Russell will star in a new horror/western titled "Bone Tomahawk" about a sheriff and his pals who try to save a group from a band of cannibals. This will be the greatest move of all time. Yes Jennifer Carpenter is going to be in the film too but let's not let her freakish build and man jaw ruin the glory of Russell. Let's just not.

Just in case you don't have Netflix, a DVD player, a VHS player or the internet... FEARnet has decided to start showing "Tales From the Crypt" starting October 5th.

I had no idea that A&E was making a "Bates Motel" TV movie but I've been huffing a lot of paint lately so I've missed some things. But this is a thing and it's happening and I guess Freddie Highmore was always cast as Norman a while back so today I'm here to tell you that Olivia Cooke and Nicola Peltz have both joined the cast. I think I missed my fantasy football draft also. I hope no one picked up The Fridge yet.

Still holding out hope for a third installment in the "28 Days Later" saga titled "28 Months Later"? Well writer/producer Alex Garland says it isn't going to happen. So piss off.

If you want to get your beady little eyes on some clips from the "Evil Dead" and "Carrie" remakes then you're going to want to get your ass on a plane and come to NY Comic Con because both will premiere footage there on October 13th. I mean I guess if you live in Jersey you don't need to take a plane. That would be silly. Would you fly from Newark to JFK? I'm not even sure that's possible. Think for once in your life you freakin jackass.

What are you doing April 12th, 2013? Washing your hair?! How can you possibly have plans already? Well you might want to cancel them because that's the date you'll finally get a chance to see the "Evil Dead" remake in theaters. And in turn that's the date you'll finally get a chance to lose your shit over the "Evil Dead" remake because you think it's a pile of garbage and the original is sacred and girls didn't talk to you in High School and now that your acne has cleared up they should probably give you a chance. All of those things will happen.

Alexandre Aja, the fella who directed the "Piranha" and "The Hills Have Eyes" remakes has officially been tapped to directed the upcoming big screen adaptation of Joe Hill's "Horns". The books tells the tale of a man who awakes one morning after a night of hard drinking to find he's sprouting horns out of his head. Then a bunch of other stuff happens, like he finds out who killed his girlfriend and stuff. There's some snakes too. The point is I read the book and I want people to know I'm literate.

Horror hot pocket Neil Marshal (I don't know what that means) is being eyed by the good people at CBS Films for their upcoming film titled "Hellfest". The film is about a Halloween themed park where one of the workers is actually going around killing people. This all sounds pretty awesome to me. The director, the story... the killing... well alright the killing part isn't awesome. Ya know, in real life and all. In the movie it's probably going to be cool. And I love roller coasters.

The trailer for "Battleship", a movie about the classic board game, hit a couple months back and looked like one of the most ridiculous things to ever be put on film. But reasoning be damned because Peter Berg is already talking about a sequel. And why shouldn't he. They've made three of those "Alvin and the Chipmunks" movies already and two "Garfield" movies. Alright to be 100% honest I watched the first Chipmunks movie over Thanksgiving break and it was delightful. They're so tiny and adorable.

Good news kids! A 5 minute clip of the upcoming little screen adaptation of Stephen king's "Bag Of Bones" has made it's way online. The miniseries focuses on a grief stricken husband who returns to the lakeside house him and his wife owned while dealing with a bitter custody battle. I want to be 100% honest. The download instructions for this clip confused the hell out of me so I didn't watch it. I want this relationship to be built on honesty.

The majority of the "Evil Dead" news flying around these days is mostly just interviews with people attached to the flick saying it's going to be awesome and fans will be happy. But today, today my friends, on this glorious of all hump days, we have news that director Fede Alvarez is planning on taking the show to New Zealand to begin filming in March. And if a bunch of sheep herders with strange accents doesn't ring true to the original "Evil Dead" I don't know what does.

If you love David Cronenberg then you're going to have somewhat pleasant feelings towards his son Brandon Cronenberg and his new project "Antiviral". Proof is in the first still we're getting today from the film that follows an employee at a clinic that sells injections of live viruses harvested from sick celebrities to obsessed fans. Don't let the fact bother you that the guy in the photo has a pony tail and by definition anyone with a pony tail is a prick. Please, let's try to be adults about this.

Honestly the only reason we're going to discuss these set picks from Neil Jordan's "Byzantium" if because I find them so confusing. They're of Gemma Arterton, who plays a vampire in the flick, prancing around the coast of Ireland in a red dress with all her goods hanging out. Sounds awesome I know but then you get to the final shot of some strange PA who appears to be examining Arterton's lady bits. I have so many feeling going on inside me right now I'm not sure what to do. I'm laughing and crying at the same time. I think it's best we call it a day.

I'm not sure a logo is actually news but here's the new one for the "Evil Dead" reboot that will at least give people a chance to bitch about there being a reboot. The flick won't hit theaters till sometime in 2013 and if you're not in the know like I am the big twist on this update is that Ash, or whatever they're going to call him, is taking his sister to a cabin in the woods to help her kick her drug habit. That's going to make all the makeout scenes a lot weirder I bet.

I'm going to go ahead and say it. "True Blood" is the worst thing to ever happen to TV. Yeah yeah I know you think Snookie or whatever the hell her name is is hot but that doesn't change anything. So why do I still report on it you might ask? Well who the hell are you to question my selection of news items? Go to hell! Lucy Griffiths is joining the cast next year. She's British and will play Eric Northman's sister. Is that alright with you!?

Mr. Robert Englund has been confirmed for Syfy's next installment in the "Lake Placid" series currently titled "Lake Placid: The Final Chapter". If you couldn't have guessed by the title the good people at Syfy are saying this will be the last installment in the giant crock attack series. I assume there will be some sort of parade in Hollywood to celebrate all of this magic. Maybe a national day of mourning.

In other casting news, it looks like the walking corpse that is Alice Cooper has been cast in Tim Burton's big screen adaptation of the "Dark Shadows". Cooper will play himself in the flick which takes place in 1972. And I can't think of another good "he's really old" joke so just make up your own here.

"I Saw the Devil" director Kim ji-Woon has lined up "The Last Stand" as his official entry into the world of English cinema. The movie will focus on drug lord trying to make his way down to Mexico and the sheriff hellbent on stopping him. Even better news it that Arnold Schwarzenegger himself will take on the role of said sheriff. Estaré de vuelta! According to Google that's "I'll be back" in Spanish.

Ray Liotta, Christian Slater and Ving Rhames in a straight to DVD thriller? Oh how the mighty have fallen. The movie is "The River Murders" and it's about a giant river that comes to life and murders people. Alright that's a lie, it's about a detective, played by Liotta, who is trying to hunt down a murderer who is taking out his ex-girlfriends one by one. I'm not sure I'd really work that hard to stop something like this. Sounds like someone's doing him a favor. Maybe send one of those Edible Arrangements.

Been waiting a long time for the next installment in the "Evil Dead" series? Well it looks like you might not have to wait much longer. Maybe. Word around campus is long time Sam Raimi collaborator and editor Bob Murawski has descended on Detroit to begin production on the film. If it's true it looks like the long delayed project could begin shooting sometime in the near future. If it isn't true I just look like I believe everything I read on the internet. Which I see absolutely no reason to stop doing.

Last week the internet was all abuzz with the rumor that Spike Lee might be hopping into the director's chair for the US remake of the Chan-wook Park's "Oldboy" and now it looks like he's officially been confirmed. So that happened. Feel free to go back to last week's news and read the hilarious jokes I put in the post about the rumor. I think there was something about America being awesome. Which of course is no joke. Rock, flag and eagle!

Get excited iApple iNerds! Ghost House has joined forces with Trigger Apps to develop a handy dandy "Evil Dead" shooter game for the iPhone and iPad. They follow the path of the first film and then branch off into a whole new storyline. It'll also come with Bryce Campbell's home phone number. Alright that might be a lie.

The advertising hot dogs behind the upcoming film "Priest" have jumped in to launch an online game for the film. The game can be played in both 2D and 3D, if you can find some glasses, and for those of you that are hammed right now it can even be played in 6D. Because you see double sometimes when you're drunk. Get it? It was either that or a "play with yourself" joke so consider yourselves lucky.

I'm a firm believer that if dogs have the opportunity they will turn on us and make us their slaves. For that reason it's pretty obvious that all dogs should be put in cages and treated like deadly criminals. Apparently though the makers of the new short film "Play Dead", which has a trailer and poster out on the tubes, think when the zombies take over "man's best friend" will be our only allies. Adorable idea, but completely inaccurate.

William Fichtner, who I'm 99% sure is a robot, is all ready to join the cast of Neill Blomkamp's new sci-fi flick "Elysium". The movie also stars Jodie Foster and Matt Damon or as I like to call them Fostermon. I don't think they're dating or anything but it's fun to make up names for people isn't it?

Everyone's favorite ginger snap Katherine Isabelle is returning in "Hard Ride To Hell", a story about a group of campers who find themselves in danger after witnessing a blood sacrifice. The film will debut on Spike TV before the DVD hits on May 18th.

Area23A, an event based distribution company, has picked up the rights to "Best Worst Movie". If you've been dying to lay eyes on this documentary centered on the 'classic' "Troll 2", your dreams are about to come true as the company plans a theatrical release.