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The term "mansplaining" received the high honor of being nominated as one of the “most creative” new words at the American Dialect Society 2012 Word of the Year vote. In addition to being creative, this term, particularly the -splaining part, has proven to be incredibly robust and useful as a combining form in 2013, and it deserves a mention as Word of the Year buzz escalates.

Before mansplain really took off, a Los Angeles Times op-ed titled “Men who explain things,” captured a yet-unnamed interaction that would soon come to be known as mansplaining. The author Rebecca Solnit sums it up as follows: “Men explain things to me, and to other women, whether or not they know what they’re talking about.”

I'm not quite sold on this term as being specific to men. If we switched out man for woman, wouldn't this be considered sexist? Of course, how we use language is often determined by intent. Why is it okay to include a word with potential derogatory implications in the dictionary?

I began seeing keyword referral traffic to Man-o-pause.com
for “quarterlife
crisis” a few years ago. While not technically quantified in medical
journals, enough 20-somethings apparently experience something akin to a
midlife crisis for the term to have gained traction.

Now comes the movie, Frances
Ha, which is, as one
film critic described it, “a refreshingly contemporary film, exploring
20-something hipster ennui with accuracy, empathy and humour.”

I marched through my twenties accomplishing one goal after
another: marriage, house, baby, business, and did not experience ennui. It wasn’t
until I was almost 30 before I started to question the meaning of life. Today’s
20-somethings seem to struggle with their sense of identity and purpose the
moment they leave home.

A Tale of Two Generations: Millennials &
Boomers

Having written about both Millennials and Baby Boomers, research bears out distinct differences between the
generations. Much of the crises experienced by both generations revolve around
work and life purpose.

I think Millennials have been given a bad rap for their
seeming sense of entitlement when really they just want to find meaningful work
and to make a difference in their everyday life. Boomers, with their strong
work ethic and sense of self-worth, don’t always understand the job hopping
tendencies of 20-somethings. Conversely, in this tepid economy, Boomers haven’t
been as flexible at redefining themselves or acknowledging the way work has changed as the
Internet Revolution seems to have passed by many of these 50-somethings.

I look back at my 20s and, while I accomplished a lot both
materially and professionally, I can honestly admit that I wasn’t fully present
for much of it. While the last 20 years have flown by in a blink of an eye, I now
relax in the moment, mindful of the present because that’s all we ever have.

My wish for those experiencing a quarterlife crisis is to “look deeply into the present moment.”

I began updating blog posts and checking for broken links as part of my effort to reengage myself with Man-o-pause.com. I just added photos to a series of posts I wrote in 2005 on Masculine Virtues, so imagine my surprise when today I read that 60 Minutes, the popular news program, had combined forces with Vanity Fair to poll Americans on what constitutes "the perfect man."

I'm happy to report that moms come out on top with a wide margin stating that mothers exert a great deal of control in making her son the perfect man.

Sixty-three
percent disagree with the statement 'Chivalry is dead' while 28 percent
agree. From the poll: "In medieval times a knight took a vow to protect the weak while
being gallant, courteous, honorable and ever truthful. Talk about
aspiring to be the perfect man. Think about the millions of little acts
of human kindness and charity that happen every day in our cities and
towns that can be traced to those noble ideals."

From my experience and observation, at the root of anger is fear. Women are uniquely equipped to demonstrate compassionate listening and help their man unearth and heal his wounded center. It's been said that money is the root of all evil, but I believe that anger and aggression wreaks more havoc on lives and nations; money is simply the hammer frustrated frightened people wield.

Thich Nhat Hahn, Buddhist monk and world peacemaker, recommends ways to reduce fear and anger in a recent talk.

There's good news for midlife men, however. It's not until your deathbed when you are most likely to be judged for whether you've attained success. At that point, I don't think you'll much care!

But woe to the guy suffering a midlife crisis; a majority think it's just an excuse for bad behavior, so don't expect much sympathy.

On the bright side, 30% of women polled wouldn't change a thing about their man.

I haven't thought about the men's movement since the 80s, when I was the rep in Detroit for Ms. magazine. Before you jump to conclusions about my political leanings, let me say that I am more a humanist than a feminist. In fact, I became pro-male during those heady days of breaking barriers in the automotive industry because men helped me in business much more than women. So much for female solidarity!

A survey came across my desk that had me wondering, "Is there a Men's Movement today? And if so, what shape has it taken?" David Thorpe provides some categories to ponder. These are his definitions, not mine.

In honor of Father's Day, I'm reposting one of my favorite posts from 2007. I believe that fatherhood requires more than contributing DNA. To all the unsung heroes out there, this one's for you.

Newly hatched sea turtles possess instinctual survival behaviors that cause them to pop up through the sand and race toward the ocean.
Joseph Campbell describes this innate releasing mechanism as animal behavior instinctually utilizing their hardwiring to respond to circumstances they have never before experienced, in order to guarantee the survival of their species.

One of the premises of Earl Hipp's book, Man-Making, is that "men and boys are hardwired in this same way for important and necessary actions between them. This is why, at the onset of adolescence, boys begin to pay attention to men. They instinctually look for clues about what it means to be an adult male; how to feel, think, emote, laugh, posture, and relate as a man. They know something amazing is going on inside them, and consciously or not, they know men have their answers."

A new post honoring his own father and challenging men to become a hero to others can be found on his Journey to Manhood blog.

What It Means to Be a Man & Father

When a person remarries and children are involved, the excitement of a new, physical intimacy gives way to tumultuous, emotional truths. I think it's called the "blended family" because first you have to go through a blender!

In the beginning, I was fortunate. My son introduced my new husband excitedly to his friends by saying, "Now I have two dads." But that was before we actually exchanged vows and the novelty of sharing my affections wore off.
On the day after our out-of-town wedding we stopped at a Chinese restaurant on the way to the airport. It was Father's Day.

The waiter asked if we'd like the "father's day special," and my seven-year-old son said, "He's not my father."
The waiter and I exchanged glances, and he said, "I understand. I'm a step-dad too."

My husband responded with empathy and said, "I know I'm not your dad, but I'd like to be your friend."

"When men trust their hardwiring and step into some form of action, it feels right to both the men and the boys," wrote Earl.

Over the years, my husband rose to the challenge, despite the thankless job of step-parenting an adolescent. My son absorbed precious gifts, critical knowledge, and necessary skills for his journey to manhood.

"When men get clearer about their place in the male hierarchy and trust their hardwiring, the result is Man-Making, men helping boys on their combined journey to manhood," noted Earl.

Today, that baby sea turtle (my 30-year-old son) has developed the strong, mental overcoat necessary to survive in an often harsh and unsympathetic world as well as the masculine virtues essential to living an authentic emotional life.

Any man willing to share in the raising of another man's child is not only a Father, he's also a Hero.
Happy Father's Day men!