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Career Counseling

I see some strange things in my job. And because of this, I feel compelled to offer up a few pointers for any of you who may be applying for a job soon.

First off – learn how to spell your own name. This may seem basic, but based on my exposure to over 10,000 applications last year alone, it is more common than you might think. I’ve had a lot of applications from Bilyl, Cahd, and Jhon.

Secondly – Just because everything is spelled right doesn’t necessarily mean it sounds right. For example, “I am highly qualified for this prostitution” gives a completely different impression than, “I am highly qualified for this position.” And if you’ve worked for any kind of adult “club” you might want to re-think putting “scheduling entertainment” down as a skill. It’s not a skill. It’s something you should put behind you…

Thirdly – Keep your personal business to yourself. I don’t want to see a picture of you (Hello…I shouldn’t know your age, race or gender and you’re potentially throwing out all three with that one), I don’t want to know that you have 6 children and are on the brink of welfare if you don’t get this job, and I certainly don’t need to know about your religious affiliations and volunteer work converting pagans in the African jungle (unless the job you are applying for calls for that particular duty.) It’s called protected class information people – anything that reveals age, race, gender, marital status, religious affiliation, etc must be redacted (i.e. blocked out) so that it is not considered during the hiring process.

Fourthly – if you aren’t qualified for the job, don’t apply. If the job posting says you must have 3 to 5 years experience in financial analysis and you’re last three jobs were flippin hamburgers, doing data-entry, and cleaning offices, you are not going to get an interview. It is not personal, we are not out to get you, we are nottrying to single-handedly deny you a better future. It just means you aren’t qualified for that particular job! And crying when I tell you that will not help your cause.

Finally – Please don’t stalk the poor person who tracks applications (i.e. ME!). Don’t fax, email, AND snail mail your application in and then call to see if we got it. (Um, sorry, I shred all incoming applications, didn’t you know that!?) And don’t call and beg for the hiring managers phone number (we don’t want you stalking them either!) I appreciate that you need a job – employment is important – we all must pay the rent. But please, have some common sense. Enthusiasm and a healthy dose of confidence are great. But there is a point in time where those same traits can be interpreted as desperate and a little creepy. Be aware.