So, You Know Why . . . ?

You know why I gained an interest in psychological topics? It’s because no one was interested in mine. I was either too “sensitive,” or I was “overreacting.” I also got the “hypochondriac” statements thrown in at a pretty high frequency. That, or I was “attention seeking.” Also, apparently my pain tolerance is “very low,” since everyone can take much more and have experienced much more than I apparently will ever do in my entire life.

Even though I am willing to bet I’ve experienced more in the 3 years of middle school than most people experience in a lifetime.

Just a thought I had.

I was extremely suicidal at one point in my life, enough to actually seek out the services of a counselor.

You wanna know what he told me?

He told me I seemed fine and that I was probably just bored from vacation.

In other words, “stop wasting my time and let me actually deal with the people who really need help.”

That’s right, because nothing I do and nothing I experience is real and everyone knows what it feels like to have my nerve endings better than I do. Even though I’ve had a front row seat for the past 24 years. Go ahead and tell me how rough you’ve had it in your life and how minuscule my own difficulties are.

Please go ahead and do that. I’m feeling the need to bruise my knuckles on somebody’s face. Want to be that one?

Gotta love being the youngest in a family. Your experiences are worth shite.

I mean, what makes you real and me not?

People tell me, “never say that you can’t do something.” I don’t have to. They have already said it for me. Thanks. One less thing to do today.

Ever wonder why people self-injure? There are many reasons. One is because they feel numb to all sensations, and they need that adrenaline kick that says “yes, you are real.” You know why they need that? Because they’ve been told all their lives that what they feel isn’t real and even if it was, it’s certainly not important.

Do people overreact? Yes.

Should you make them feel like shite for it?

They say that people on the spectrum have ToM problems. Theory of Mind. Yes I linked Wikipedia. I also read it. I suggest that if you are unfamiliar with this concept, you should read it as well. I would particularly like to point out one particular phrase:

Being able to attribute mental states to others and understanding them as causes of behavior means, in part, that one must be able to conceive of the mind as a “generator of representations”[3][4] and

to understand that others’ mental representations of the world do not necessarily reflect reality and can be different from one’s own.

They say that people on the spectrum can’t understand that other people don’t think the same way that they do. I don’t think that’s a spectrum trait. I think it’s a human trait.

I also think that we are often, in some ways, more aware of the mental states of NTs than they are of ours. They are just as guilty, if not moreso, for failing to employ this premise with their day to day interactions as we are.

The Golden Rule states “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”

Now, I believe in a form of universal consciousness. After all, why do people all decide to go to the gas station one time? I mean, I worked at a gas station for 6 months last year. You’d be on a shift that was going pretty slow, relatively speaking, and then without apparent cause or relationship, you’d be swamped.

That said, I don’t believe that you should treat people exactly as you wish to be treated; rather I believe that “you should treat people as they wish to be treated.” All I did was change one word. That’s it. But no. Everyone thinks the same. Everyone experiences everything the same.

And if they did that when they were your age, and they survived? Then by god, it wasn’t that bad. After all, nowadays people live indoors, wear shoes and have all of that technology crap.

And if you ever read this, Michael Savage, I want to let you know something. I was rather perturbed at your statements that you made on the air about your opinion on autism and me and mine.

Then I had a thought.

If you don’t want to believe in me, then I don’t have to believe in you. *shrugs*

There is no such thing as Michael Savage. Sure, he might be a person. But he’s not real. I don’t believe in him. Therefore, he doesn’t exist. Neither do his opinions.

13 Responses to “So, You Know Why . . . ?”

This post is brings up so much of what you have learned that (from what I can tell from reading the things that you write) is the the result of your willingness to listen carefully and experience painful situations.

Many people choose to protect and attack at others expense which blinds them to lots of what you have chosen to see and learn from.

My guess is that Michael Savage (if he existed 🙂 ) has often felt intense vulnerability and made very different choices than you. I hope you can feel proud of that.

Actually I was listening to NPR yesterday [slapping paint on my daughter’s bed] and they mentioned ‘elasticity of demand’ . In this context, it meant that a significant number of people react the same way to price hikes [buy less] Each individual acts the same way independently but the effect is en masse. Oops, gotta go, I’ll finishlater

Often when I’m asked (usually by a parent of a ‘normal’ child) about autism, they normally ask what autistic children are like. I get some funny looks when I say, “well, I really couldn’t tell you what all autistic children are like, but I can tell you about my child.”

I also agree with you that human beings in general have terrible ToM. My son is actually much better at empathy and kindness than most adults.

I do have a difficult time accepting that what seems natural and reasonable for me is entirely alien to another person. Still, I worry about the well being of other people in my life, and I strive to treat them well, and take their wants and needs in to account. Does it really matter, then, if I am a little confused that the way I think is strange to another person?

I couldn’t even make myself get angry at that theoretical being Michael “Savage” Weiner.

this is a beautiful blog…stunning….and I read what you wrote over at Ingrids…I totally understood the spectrum and like you have studied it for a long time….I wrote a little in her comments…I am moved that you want to work with it and that you have connected that music is so important to the treatment and care of any aspects of Autism, Aspergers and ADD etc..etc…music can be powerful in rewiring of the brain…and healing….if you don’t mind I would like to link to you on my blogroll and stay in touch….you also have a great List of links- thank you for that…

“They say that people on the spectrum can’t understand that other people don’t think the same way that they do. I don’t think that’s a spectrum trait. I think it’s a human trait.”

This jumped right out at me. Once more you’ve been inside my mind (all ToM’d out now,are you? lol) and taken what I somehow intuited-even before I had a kid with AS who is so far beyond some of his NT peers in sensitivity and awareness that there *is* other stuff going on in other people’s minds that he needs to respect; but that’s a digression–but couldn’t express.

Kind of like when someone else has a cold, they can’t POSSIBLY feel as bad as all that, now, can they? For instance…Even though I know from experience how miserable it feels to have a cold, when I don’t have one, it’s difficult to recognize how badly the other person who *does* have a cold might be feeling; especially considering one person’s unbearable snot is another person’s just-a-sniffle.

Funny you should write about ToM. I was recently talking about it with my therapist (he likes research, I like research, some of the time we just discuss the latest psych research or autism study done) and I mentioned how I was confused by what this “Theory of Mind” thing was. And basically (a PhD psychologist who has been a psychologist for over 30 years and generally knows is stuff) he said it’s a bunch of crap. Especially a bunch of crap when someone tries to say just autistic people or just schizophrenic people or just bipolar people or whom ever has issues with ToM and relating to others. Just another way psych docs are trying to feel like they’re ‘real doctors’ (as he puts it, somewhat toungue in cheek)

Your logic will always be way better then mine 🙂 and anyways in my “family” you is older and im younger and i still think your tollerence for pain and stuff is way more then mine will ever be. You always make me feel in aw. Your such a cool and smart friend 🙂

Quote of the month, year or galactic standard week (whichever comes first):

"To be 'sociable' - to talk merely because convention forbids silence, to rub against one another in order to create the illusion of intimacy and contact: what an example of la condition humaine. Exhausting, naturally, like any improper use of our spiritual resources. In miniature, one of the many ways in which mankind successfully acts as its own scourge--in the hell of spiritual death." - Dag Hammarskjöld; translated from Swedish by Leif Sjöberg & W.H. Auden.