Appleplectic

May 29, 2015

I’m excited because I finally have a blog post for which I can use this title.

Here’s what happened:

Peter’s iPhone’s been out of commission for about five or six weeks. Let’s just say something really bad happened to it. This bad thing made for a hilarious story if you’re Peter, or one of Peter’s friends, and a useful story if you’re Peter’s parents (you have to appreciate stories that provide good teaching moments). But, it’s a story I am not allowed to tell. If I did–and here’s where I finally get to show off my new word–Peter would get Appleplectic.**

And actually, for the first month or so, he could use his phone, but just had a hard time seeing it. But then things went from bad to worse because a couple weeks ago, he dropped it. Which further shattered the screen, and then it looked like this:

And was completely unusable.

Incidentally, that crater-like hole on the top, has a matching golfball-sized bulge on the bottom. Miraculously, the impact of the mystery object that caused this trauma did damage only to the phone’s battery, not to any of its components.

You could also say we were a bit Appleplectic when we saw his phone in this state–his new iPhone 6 that he’d badgered us for months to get. Especially considering the bone-headed way he destroyed it in the first place…

Nevermind.

But, really, look at this:

I don’t think our annoyance is unreasonable. We certainly aren’t being cellfish!

I wanted to say, “Dude, I know that in the youniverse you live in, this is not a big deal… but for us, around whom the world does NOT revolve, it’s real property, real money, real time and real inconvenient to have to deal with this.”

But that would just make for a classic teenage nonversation.

“Here’s a great idea!” I wanted to say. “YOU created this situation, YOU can buy your own replacement phone!”

That turned out to be an epiphanot.

Not having a working phone has created more than a few hassles and inconveniences for Peter in the past few weeks. His friends have continued to send messages to him on his phone, and had every textpectation he’d respond, but he could not. He missed social things, online game things, Snapchatty things… It’s like, today, if you remove a kid’s lifeline to his friends, his life comes to a screeching halt. He’s alone, at home, lazily, if cozily lounging away on the couch, just him and the Internest, except he has no phone, so… so….

Hmmm… I was going somewhere with that…. guess I got hit with a bit of destinesia.

(I certainly wasn’t going to try and use the word masturdate in a sentence.)

Anyway.

Here’s the good news. Jim decided to try and fix the phone himself. He ordered the parts and then consulted the YouTuberverse and a few hours later, it was fixed and its operating system upgraded. Now Siri doesn’t work for Peter, but, all things considered, that’s not a big deal. When Peter got home from school and got the news that his phone was functional again, he was so excited he screamed “YESSSSSS!!!”, grabbed me into some sort of teen version of a bear hug, lifted me up, and, I think, in his exuberance, may have cracked one of my ribs. I am not kidding. I didn’t want him to feel too bad about that, so I only privately grimaced. He did run to get some ice.

Again: appleplectic, this time in the joy sense of the wold.

I had a few more of these words… but this post would have gotten even worse if I’d tried to incorporate them. Here they are in case you also love dumb humor: Askhole (someone who asks inane questions); carcolepsy (falling asleep while driving); ambitchous (going after what you want in a mean way); unlightening (something that is, you know, not enlightening, or a bad thing you have to unlearn); upbrella (the open state of an umbrella…this one I made up… Jim thought its companion, downbrella, was a stretch).

You’re welcome.

** I totally made up this word, but if you Google appleplectic, you’ll find I’m not the first one. Still, I take full credit. The other ones I borrowed.

Me

About This Blog

I launched this blog in October of 2008 with a goal to "write" -- to refine technique, experiment with different styles, voices.. but I only posted sporadically. No experimenting was had.
So, for the entire 2011 year, I tried a different approach: I wrote every day using a "photo-a-day" device to prompt daily writing. It worked, but it became more of a "photo and daily commentary" kind of journal, and was a lot less about developing writing technique. Still no experimenting was had. I felt bad about this. Like I was cheating.
But I love the photos and commentary. It has been a fun way to document life, the seasons, my family, and who doesn't want one of those?
I took a break in 2012 and 2013... somewhat unintentionally... but now I'm going to return to a daily photo blog, this time unapologetically. Life of Wry is now a journally thing. No cutting edge writing, no experimentation, no risk taking, no vulnerability, just easy peasy breezy writing about what's going on in my and my family's life. And photos, lots of photos.
And that's that.
Thanks for stopping by.