A Toenail; Nothing More…

Through her anguished tears she whispered, “I started to believe I was worth something. I thought maybe, just maybe, I finally belonged somewhere.” “Why would you be foolish enough to allow yourself to dabble in that kind of thinking,” they chuckled. “Haven’t we told you all along? You’ll never be worthy enough to belong anywhere.” Their words stung despite the fact she knew they spoke truth. “I guess their words and promises gave me a reason to hope,” she shrugged. “Like maybe there was a chance this time the outcome would actually be different.” She’d traveled down this dead end path before. Would she never learn? Much like a defiant toddler ignorant to danger, she plunged forward into the busy street without looking both ways. “I gave everything I had this time,” she explained. “My time…my heart…my soul… I thought I’d made everlasting friends.” “Friends?” they scoffed, incredulous. “Who needs you? What do you possibly have to offer?” “But I felt a connection,” she argued. “I was a part; I belonged.” “And yet here you are…” They didn’t have the decency to disguise the pure joy her misery brought them. “Here I am,” she reluctantly agreed. “I thought it was like a body, you know?” Raised eyebrows assured her they didn’t follow her thought trail and so she continued, “With a human body, every part is important because it contributes. The body needs every part to function. Each part is different, has a different role, and the body won’t work without all of its parts. I thought that’s what I had been lucky enough to find. A place where even someone like me belonged and had a role to play.” “A toenail is part of the body,” they said quietly. “Is it not?” Hesitantly, she nodded her head. “Does anyone truly miss a toenail once it has been clipped? Doesn’t one usually feel better once the unnecessary length has been trimmed away?” “I suppose,” she reluctantly replied. And then their cruel meaning became clear. “You are a toenail,” they assured her. “You’ll never be a heart, keeping the body strong. You’ll never be the brain, keeping the body alive and wise. You won’t even be a big toe, keeping things balanced. You are simply an unwanted toenail, forgotten when no longer attached. It’s time to embrace the truth of who you are and stop chasing silly notions that it will ever be anything more.”

Actually, yes. That’s true. I have experienced quite a bit of bullying and some verbal/emotional abuse in my lifetime. “They” in this piece are the internal voices that torment us as a result of those kinds of experiences.

I am sorry you have experienced bullying in all forms in your life time. Those internal voices are what we need to seek help for by praying which I think works great. Great posts and great reply Heather Pfeifle !

I appreciate that. I use the experiences I had to try and raise my kids to be good, compassionate people. And I’ve found that prayer and meditation helps fight the internal voices. We all have them; some of us just have uglier ones. Thank you for the encouragement!

Thank you! Yes, I think many people feel this way, and many are afraid to admit they are struggling. It’s so hard to know how people respond. I wrote this from my own internal thoughts and feelings on a dark day a while back. But letting others know they do not suffer alone is important; and so I share my inner demons from time to time. Thanks for taking the time to stop by and read it.