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Sunday, October 4, 2009

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Hi all,

Unfortunately, disaster has struck our CW "World" Tour: John is currently in the ICU in a Dallas hospital with pneumonia, and now I've been hit with the sick stick as well. I had hoped to make it to the Austin show today by hopping a flight out this morning, but, well, let's just say my "gut instinct" is to stay near the "porcelain throne." Heh. (Ug.)

I cannot tell you how heart sick I am over this.

As it stands right now, we are canceling the Austin and Kansas City tour stops. Depending on how John and I are doing, we may still be able to make it to Bethesda and/or New York City, but it's too soon to say. Stay tuned to my Twitter feed for all the gory details, and I'll also update here on the blog when I know more.

Thank you all for your well-wishes, and please know that I am so truly sorry. (Especially for the bakers - guys, I promise I will make this up to you somehow.) A re-scheduling is not completely out of the question, but we'll just have to see what happens.

In the meantime, prayers, warm wishes, good thoughts, rain dances, etc., are all very much appreciated. It really stinks to be sick and alone away from home.

UPDATE: More bad news: in addition to the pneumonia,John has developed a staph infection in his blood. He's in critical condition, and so won't be leaving the ICU - much less the hospital - for many days. I'm moving to a hotel closer to the hospital so I can be with him, and I'm afraid this means that the rest of the tour is off. :(

Thank you all again for being so wonderful. Believe it or not, John is still moderating your comments from his hotel bed (talk about an addiction...), so please comment here if you'd like to say hello to him. Better yet: tell him your best joke. He's bored, and needs the laughs right now.

(Hey all! Anne-Marie here! Don't worry, I'm robust and healthy up here in Maine, publishing your comments like crazy! 334 as of a minute ago! John, Jen and all their little viral buddies are loving all the jokes and well wishes. Thanks so much!)

Jen, you poor poor woman! And John, man that's scary! It is horrible to be so sick far from home! I'm totally bummed that I can't meet you guys today in Austin but understand completely. You both get healthy and your faithful wreckies will be here ready for that possible resched! Get well soon!

I'm so sorry your both sick! It's terrible to be sick and away from the comforts of home. That being said, if you have to be sick and in the hospital, you can't do better than Dallas. We have wonderful doctors and hospitals.

I'm just a hop, skip and a jump away in Fort Worth, if there's anything at all that you need I can help. I also work for a big hospital system in the metroplex, not sure where John is, but I can try and help if he needs anything as well. I'm at blgrigsby at yahoo dot com.

Oh, what a huge disappointment for you and John! The rest of us will miss out, but I feel horrible for both of you. When you come to KC, please bring a very healthy stomach and appetite, because the BBQ is too good to pass up for gatorade/7up.

Please worry not. AT ALL. Austin is a zoo right now anyway w/ the Austin City Limits festival going on. Come another time but GET WELL first. So sorry you guys are stuck in a foreign (Dallas) place away from home. Being sick in a hotel is not that comforting...Wishing you and your husband the best and many get well wishes too.Frances

Oh, sweetie, I wish you both speedy recovery - best wishes especially to John. I have done the pneumonia thing and it is not fun at all. I really hope he doesn't have it as bad as I did and will get over it much faster.- LIZ

aww im sorry youre sick :( im glad i checked the website before i went to work this morning, i guess i will have to eat my wreaky cup cake. hope yall get to feeling better soon, Austin always has a spot for yall so come on down whenever you get a chance again!

Thinking and sending soothing thoughts to ease coughing and other such ickiness from up here in the cold North (Canada).

Remember one thing as you get better. You and your husband can bring people together in fellowship with your humour and wit with something that is a passion for you. This is an amazing gift, and one that is well worth the wait.

That's no good! Hope you are feeling better soon, I'll be praying for you. Please keep us all posted on how you are doing. When you do make it to Kansas City, I will be you with a big bottle of hand sanitizer =)

Jen and John, I do so hope you both feel better soon! It's bad enough that one of you got sick but to have both of you down at the same time is just awful! Take care of yourselves and listen to the doctors!

Jen and John, I feel terrible for you guys. The stress of doing a "world" tour can really put the kibosh on the festivities. Stay in bed, have some chicken soup and keep the TV tuned to Cartoon Network. We'll all still be here when you recover and can WRECK ON!!

I hope I speak for everyone in the Kansas City metro area when I say no apology needed. Obviously John's and your health come first. Well wishes your way....rest, have some chicken soup and fingers crossed John is out of ICU as soon as possible.

I hope you folks make a speedy recovery! I myself am under the weather today, so I was not going to be able to make it up to Austin to your event today. So I wouldn't be too heartbroken if you did find a way to reschedule...

Oh my. Dude(s), I'm totally learning from you for when I go on my whirlwind book-signing tour when, you know, I'm all rich and famous and stuff. (Note to self: Boost Immune System, get caught up on vaccines, take plenty of Vitamin C.)

Oh, and watch out fer the Swine Flu while you're already sick. (Note to self: Schedule whirlwind book tour AFTER the pandemic... but then everyone will be dead... hmmm, this isn't as easy as you make it look.)

I'm so sorry! Being sick in a hotel by yourself is absolutely the pits. I remember going through this, sitting on the floor of a bathroom in a hotel in San Francisco at 3 AM thinking, "I'm going to die here and no one will ever know." And it's concerning to read the letters "ICU" in a post. Speedy recovery to both of you!

Oh, and as for the dances -- don't forget the head thrusts. We don't want locusts.

aw, fargnax! i hope you both feel better soon!best wishes [WISHWISHWISH] and don't forget to stock up on the chocolate because hey, when you're sick you might as well make sure you feel COMPLETELY better ;)

Dear Jen and John:I hope you both get better soon. It's terrible to be sick in unfamiliar surroundings without friends and family to comfort you. We send you hugs (especially from my daughter) and warm thoughts.

Mary, Tom and Teela (near Bethesda, MD)P.S. My in-laws were just visiting this past week and my mother in law laughed all the way through your book. Another convert!

I spent the last three days working on a cupcake wreck of epic proportions...I doubt it'll survive long enough for a reschedule. I'll take photos and send them to you because I'm not going to have time to recreate it since I need to start on the figures for my Austin Cake Show entry. :(

Of course my email bounces from your domain claiming I'm a spammer, which I'm not, so I'll have to try getting a separate address or something...

Jen & John, SOOOOOOO sorry to hear you are not feeling well! (:P) Here is a heart-felt wish for your speedy recovery. Forget the rain dance. It sounds like there's enough rain on the parade already. May you soon be doing a felicity foxtrot instead. -WM

Oh no! I hope you both feel better soon! Though I'm disappointed the tour has been canceled, it's way more important that y'all get better. At least you're in Dallas- my home town has great hospitals! I hope you get the best care ever there.

Two muffins are sitting in an oven. One muffin says, "Boy, it's hot in here". Suddenly the other screams, "AHHHHH a talking muffin!!!" HAHAHA hope this makes you feel better John! P.S. I think the muffins must be Corn, cause this joke sure is corny....hahahahah!

I am so very, very sorry ya'll have become ill. John, I hope you have a very speedy recovery and you're able to get home soon. Very selfishly, I hope you both can resume the book tour, maybe after the holidays. Trust me, I will wait for the opportunity to share in the wreckiness.

For now, here are some puns to get you by:

I tried working in a bakery, but was told I wasn't "bread" for it.

What would you get if you crossed a mole with a porcupine? A tunnel that leaks.

Dear John and Jen,Please get well soon! Don't worry- your fans will be here for you when you are feeling 100% again! Until then, focus on resting and getting well (John, that means putting away the computer and getting some rest!!!)So, here's my joke:Q-What's brown and sticky?...A- A stick!

Feel better yet? No? Well, I tried.Again, Austin sends it's best wishes for you both to feel better quick!-Meaghan

Okay, I just woke up so these are the best my mind could come up with on short notice -- I hope you feel better!!!!

What brand of cleaning supplies do pirates use?

ARRRRRRm 'n Hammer.

um...Two guys are incarcerated at the same asylum. Neither wants to be there and the two end up coming up with a plan of escape together.

They watch and wait and finally, one dark and stormy night, conditions are right and they sneak out of the ward. Everything is going great until part of their journey takes them across some high roof-tops. The first inmate takes a running jump and barely makes it. The second man, who has a more nervous temperament sees the near miss and refuses to budge. After a few minutes of arguing, knowing time is short, the first inmate sparks an idea.

"Here's what we'll do," he says. "I'll turn on my flashlight and shine it across to your rooftop. Then you can just walk across on the beam!"

The other man looks at him in incredulity and anger. "What do you think I am, crazy?!?" He glares at his partner in crime. "I know you'll turn the light off when I'm halfway across."

So, this guy is sitting down to breakfast, drinking his coffee and reading the paper, when he hears a little knock on the door. He goes to open the door, and there's this little snail sitting on the stoop. He thinks, ''Ew! How gross!'' and throws it across the street. About a year later, he's sitting down to breakfast again, drinking his coffee and reading his paper, when he hears another little knock on the door. He goes and opens the door, and the snail says "What the hell was that for?"

On the main street in my town there is a bakery. And in that bakery there is a baker of such amazing skill who creates the most intricate and beautiful cakes.

One day, a man walks into the bakery and says "I would like to order a cake for my wife's birthday." And the baker says "Well, what kind of design would you like?" And the man says "Well, she's an optometrist." And the baker says "Excellent! Come back tomorrow, the cake will be ready." So the man goes away and comes back the next day and the baker brings out an amazing cake shaped like a pair of eyes behind giant glasses. It looks so amazingly realistic, the man is astounded, thanks the baker over and over, and leaves.

A few days later, a woman walks into the bakery, looks around and asks the baker to make a cake for her husband's birthday. "What does your husband do?" the baker asked. The woman replies "He's a dentist." And the baker says "Excellent! Come back tomorrow, the cake will be ready." When the woman comes back the next day the baker brings out a cake of a giant smile wearing braces. It looks so amazingly realistic, the woman is astounde, thanks the baker over and over, and leaves.

Word spreads like wildfire all over town of how amazingly realistic the baker's creations and everyone who eats the cakes rave about them to anyone who will listen.

So, a few days later, another woman walks into the bakery, looks around and the baker (whose pride has become slightly swollen with the reviews he's received about his sculpture cakes) asks if there's anything he can help her with - does she want him to make a cake for anyone?

Hang in there, guys; you'll get through this. So sorry to hear the rest of the tour is canceled; though it does have the positive effect of making our experience in Orlando that much more valuable. (I can say I knew them when they were healthy! LOL) Glad you have each other and at least you can relax now. (Bummer on missing out on all that cake, though.)

My best to both of you. Here's my high school math teacher's favorite joke:

A piece of string walks into a bar and orders a beer. Bartender leans over the bar to take a look at him, and says "I'm very sorry, sir, but we don't serve your kind here. You'll have to leave."

The piece of string slumps his shoulders and wanders out. The moment he's out of the bar he runs down the street and around a corner. He then ties himself up into a complicated bow and frizzles his sting-ends. He then walks back into the bar.

"Bartender," he sqeaks, "I'd like to order a beer."

Bartender leans over the bar. "Hey, aren't' you that same piece of sting that was in here a few minutes ago?"

I have followed your blog for about a year, and love LOVE the work you guys do! You've created a vast and awesome library of inscrutable wackiness for all the world to enjoy. I live in South Carolina, so I had to dispatch my Portland, Oregon corespondent, Nicolette to your Powell's book signing. She was able to get close enough to take a picture of the sea of butts in front of her, and to allegedly hear Jen's voice. For which I was grateful. (Voyerism rocks!) The news of John's hospitalization is devastating to all of us who care (albeit from afar) about both of you. Good luck, best wishes and know that many, many prayers are with you both. Alison Boulton

Feel better soon John! Did you hear the one about the 2 guys in the high rise bar? This big guy in glasses, drunk as a skunk, keeps telling the guy next to him "I betcha if I jump out that window the air currents from the side walk vent'll blow me right back up and onto my barstool!" The other guy says, "yeah, 50 bucks!" So the guy in glasses jumps out the window,and sure enough comes right back up! The other guys says, "I've gotta try this!" so out the window he goes. SPLAT. The bartender turns to the guy in glasses and says, "Superman, you are a shear @@@hole when you're drunk."

Three ducks approach the Pearly Gates. The first one walks up and is asked, "How did you spend your life?" He replies, "Oh. I've been in and out of puddles." It sounded like an honest life for a duck, so he was let into Heaven. The second duck walks up and is asked, "How did you spend your life?" He replies, "Oh. I've been in and out of puddles." He too is welcomed into Heaven. The third duck walks up and says, "Hi! I'm Puddles!"

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