Andersen skipped the voluntary media access at the team’s year-end meetings last week, but he did speak prior to the game in Philadelphia a few days beforehand. That will suffice as the State of the Birdman address.

Most discussions with Andersen get off track eventually. This one got off track immediately:

What was it like dealing with the injury trouble you guys had this year?
“Who said we had trouble?”

You had injury trouble.
“We had injuries, but we didn’t have trouble.”

So that would be injury trouble.
“Yeah.”

It was a lot of instability to deal with.
“Up and down, side to side, like my ’67 truck. Know what I’m saying?”

No, of course not.
“Front, back, side to side. That’s what it’s like.”

Ok.
“It’s a Chevy. C-10.”

So the season was like a ’67 Chevy?
“My ’67 Chevy.”

So you gotta get the transmission rebuilt?
“No. It’s just front, back, side to side.”

This seems like a metaphor, but I don’t follow it.
“Well you don’t have air ride on your truck, do you?”

Probably not. I drive a Toyota Camry.
“There you go.”

Ok.
“Well.”

Seriously though, the original question.
“Y’all ask me questions and I’m gonna give you the answer. That’s the answer.”

How much did it test you guys having players in and out all the time?
“We were tested a lot, like a college student. We were tested all the time.”

How’d you hold up health-wise?
“I feel great.”

I doubt that.
“I do. I feel great.”

What are you doing this summer?
“None of your business. You can follow me on my Instagrams and you’ll know what I’m doing this summer.”

Do you need surgery this offseason?
“Do I need surgery? I’m not looking to get any kind of surgery. No surgeries.”

Do you feel good about the group coming back next year?
“All the guys are healthy? Yes. I think we will be in a better position.”

Is that enough to compete?
“That’s a good question. There is gonna be a lot of assessing, but we’ll just have to figure that out.”

How much do you have left at this point in your career?
“I’ve got about 12 dollars left in my pocket because of Chick-fil-A, but I can go to the ATM any time and withdraw a limit of $300.”

Ok, but you played at 36 or 37 years old (36, actually) this year. How much do you have left?
“Man, you are terrible with numbers. I can withdraw from the ATM $300. I don’t know where you get 36, 37.”

How do you feel about the way the season went for you?
“I feel that our season was just, like just, too many injuries.”

But you personally. How did you feel about your season?
“My season?”

Yes. You had an ankle injury, a calf injury–
“I got kicked in the calf, man, and then some guy landed on both my ankles and just twisted them. So yeah, man, it’s a physical game. That’s what this is. It’s a physical game. Contact sport.”

How’d you feel about the way you held up physically?
“Why you keep trying to dig into my emotions, man? I’m a man. I don’t talk about my feelings.”

No, how do you feel physically?
“Oh, physical?”

Yeah. I’m not interested in your emotional feelings.
“Good, because I don’t talk about my feelings at all.”