This blog is a tribute to the characters of the 50 Shades Trilogy & EL James for creating them. I'm writing Christian's POV for all of your enjoyment. A snack between meals: Sinful and tasty. Enjoy! Let’s talk of Greys. ❦ ♡ ❧
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Friday, July 20, 2012

MASTER IS DARK - Christian and Leila's Last Day

MASTER IS DARK

There seems to be an overwhelming demand for this chapter. If you're only interested how CG was with Ana, please skip this chapter. I was only intending to e-mail the copy of it to those of you who wanted to see my rendition of a different side of him and (thank you!) there has been over 30 e-mails in the last 1/2 hour. I'll repost it for the time being especially since I won't have time to post till Monday.

This chapter was difficult to write because Christian was hard, and I almost didn't like the person he was: unrepenting, unredeemed. I could have portrayed him harsher, but I opted out on that. Just a glimpse of his past self to give you an idea what it entails to surrender your entire being to another person to do as s/he wishes... On the flip side, the submissive employs tricks to gain the affection of the Dom. I would in the future go to lenghts to avoid writing about CG being with someone else because it lacks the element of love, but I wanted to challenge myself.

It is Saturday,
but I have so much work to get through. Leila is fixing our lunch. I have to go
over some winding cell phone schematics. I want to make the communication
technology available to places where power is not readily available. But, there
is a glitch, and it’s driving me crazy. I like things to be done in a timely manner. When
I want them, not when my engineering team get its act together! Someone’s
getting fired over this! This is incompetence!

I take my
Blackberry out and call the head of the engineering team.

He answers on
the first ring:

“Yes, Mr. Grey.
How can I help you?”

“Warren! This is
such incompetence! I wanted this cell phone design to be completely free of the
need of charging. You have not eliminated that!”

“Mr. Grey, the
phones still have to be charged by electricity at least once a week. We just
couldn’t eliminate that, sir,” he mutters in a weak voice.

“Here’s my
problem: I hired your team to ELIMINATE the dependency to the
power grid. It should have the capability; yes. But not the need and
dependency! I told you the issues with it. We want this to be available in
places where there is no immediate power source. It should be able to go for
weeks without charging. That way it can be available to people in remote corners of the globe, or to
hikers, travelers, soldiers alike. How do you expect them to charge the phone
if we require them to plug it into a power source? Should they just plug it
into their asses?”

I can almost
feel him flinch on the phone. “Of course not, sir,” he can barely utter. “They
would still need some sort of power source, though.”

“Warren, I hired
you and your team to resolve that very issue. Charging your phone for five
years adds 3.6 kilos of CO2 into the atmosphere.”

“But sir, that’s
less than half of what a single gallon of gasoline produces in your car,” he
comes back smugly.

“Listen to me
idiot! There aren’t two point five billions cars in North America! But there
are 2.5 billion handheld device chargers in America alone and that will draw
enough electricity to generate 8 billion kilograms of carbon emissions! Do you
now get me, sweetheart? And you are supposed to be the clean energy engineer,”
I say seething with anger.

“I understand,
sir,” he says reprimanded.

“I want to know
when you and your team can resolve the problem. I’m not asking you ‘if you can,
but when you can.’ I cannot have incompetence from an engineering team that
works for me!”

“We may not be
able to make it completely independent of some sort of power source, sir,” he
says in a meek voice.

“I want the charging
time limited to one hour, once a month. The rest must be dependent on the
self-winding. This is your goal. Work towards it! I want periodic improved
schematics and working samples once a week! Do it! If I don’t find improved
models within 4 weeks, your team is fired! Get in touch with your fucking team,
and get them up to par, and I want to see them on Tuesday. This is not a
request. You guys better be ready!”

“Yes, sir,” he
says worried, and I hang up. Anger is seething through my pores. I run both my
hands through my hair in exasperation. They’ve had six months and this is the
best they come up with! I want to distribute that technology. And, I pay this
team a hefty salary, lots of money for their research and they give me a half ass
job!

As I glare at
the schematics again, there is a knock at my door.

“What?” I growl.

Leila enters her
gaze down. She looks lovely in her satin nightgown.

“Speak,” I say.

“Lunch is ready
Master,” she says in a small voice.

“Come here,
Leila,” I say. I need to relieve this tension and get rid of this anger. She approaches
my desk slowly, her head is still down. “You may look at me Leila,” I say
softly. She does. Her brown eyes are alight with some excitement. “We’ll eat
lunch later,” I say pulling her.

On her days here
at Escala, she’s not to wear underwear unless I instruct her so. So, right now I
know she has nothing under her satin night gown. Leila’s long lashes flutter as
she lifts her brown eyes up to me, and I can feel her heart speedily beating
away when she meets my gaze, nervous. She’s expecting a punishment today for
her repugnant behavior last night. My expression is dark, but impassive. She
moistens her lips with her tongue instinctively, and I grab her face between my
hands and my lips descend upon hers capturing them effectively with mine. As I
mold my lips to hers, my tongue darts into hers seeking release. Her response
is automatic, but her hands remain on her side as she’s instructed never to
touch me without my permission. Only her lips and her tongue work their magic. She
closes her eyes as her lips mold into mine, and for a brief moment she loses
herself and her hands come up to my chest stealthily caressing, and curling
into my chest hair and digging in. I immediately pull back and push her away as if
I was doused and set on fire. Bile rises in my throat. My hands go to my chest
automatically as if to put out that fire. I shudder with disgust. Leila looks surprised
at my reaction.

“I’m sorry
Master, I forgot,” she says.

“Quiet!” I bark.

She’s
reprimanded but will require punishment for breaching my hard limit. She did
not forget. She’s been with me for eight months! I go over the rules on our
first meeting. She’s not a new sub either! She knows dos and don’ts, my hard
and soft limits very well! I walk around her, her head bowed, her hands to the
side. I approach her, and with my index finger, I lift her head up, and force
her to look into my eyes. My eyes are blazing with anger. She stiffens under
hard my gaze, and as if she’s leaving her body, her gaze turns serene, and
accepting of what’s to come. I push her on top of my desk between the cell
phone schematics, and business plans, and lay my hand flat across her lower
back pressing her down onto the desk as my legs spread her thighs apart. Her
waxed sex is opening up like a flower and exposing the tight hole.

I bluntly insert
my index and middle finger, pressing into her sex, and run them along the
pleats with my expert touch. The lips of her sex are already swelled in
response, and she involuntarily thrusts her hips up, and I take my hand away as
she meet the empty air.

“You’re already
wet,” I say. It’s not a question, it’s a statement, but she answers it.

“Yes, Master,
for you.”

“You’re not
allowed to speak, Leila!” I bellow. Leila has been trying to attempt to breach
my rules lately. She’s making subtle hints of her desire to get more from our
arrangement. I don’t do ‘more’ than fucking. That’s our arrangement. I’m barely
25 years old, I have singular interests and goals! My business and my freedom
are my priorities. Not my subs! I love my autonomy. I have no intention or the
interest of involving with emotions attached with relationships. I’m not hearts
and flowers. Love is for suckers! Same end goal can be achieved without the
emotional connection. Dom / Sub relationship allows you to bypass all the
vulnerabilities love gives to the recipient. I provide for Leila very well, and
my rules are clearly defined, and never to be breached. I’m always in control.
She, however has been trying push her limits discreetly. Leila who has been a
great sub in the beginning now pushing her way into punishment at least once a
week! Little bit each time, like she just did. I lean into her ear and say,
“You are not to achieve satisfaction, and you certainly aren’t allowed to come
without my explicit permission Leila, until further notice. Do you understand
your punishment?” She is silent, docile, and expressionless.

I slap her bare
behind hard as she gives a slight shriek.

“Quiet! Do you
understand your punishment, I asked. Answer me!”

“Yes, Master, I
do,” she breathes.

“Good.”

“I’m going to tie
you up, and fuck you on my desk, hard
and you are not to come! Understand?”

“Yes, Master,”
she breathes her eyes widened.

I take the my
belt off, wrap it around her wrists, I put her on my desk on her back,
stretched all the way, and pull the remainder of the belt through the ornament
of the heavy desk. She’s stretched and taut, but her legs still touch the
ground. Leila’s elongated body looks delicious and the curve of her hips are
exposed. I push my growing manhood farther up at her sex though I am still
fully in my jeans as my hands squeeze the globes of her buttocks. She tries to
yank her hands, but I shake my finger at her. It will only restrain her against
the belt and that will just worsen the pain. I unzip my jeans and lower my
pants down. I slide my length farther into her, stretching her, and stuffing
her fully and her entire body reacts to the pressure. Leila’s sex clenches
around my manhood involuntarily, and the head of my shaft swims with sensory
overload and her arousal flickers into life.

“Don’t come!” I
say through gritted teeth, boring into her eyes as I pump into her. The
friction caused by each stroke heightens the pleasure she’s experiencing, and I
see her clenching her teeth to prevent herself from coming, she’s pulling on
her hands to cause herself pain to counterbalance the pleasure.

Her legs
clenches around me, she’s groaning as I’m digging into her, holding her hips.
Leila’s sex is juicy, and each of my thrusts causes her ass to bounce from the
impact. Finally a husky moan breaks through her, as I pump into her and my
testicles repeatedly slap against her. She pulls against her arms like a
masochist; as I know Leila enjoys pain a lot. She draws in and pulls against me
with her legs.

“Damn it Leila!
Stop!”

“Trying...Master,”
she says between her pain and pleasure filled breaths. My strokes increases
rapidly, and I feel that Leila’s body sink into a myriad of sensations and she
comes as I empty into her. She looks chagrined.

I curse. “Fuck!
Fuck!I told you not to come!” Leila
closes her eyes, and she bites her teeth into her lower lip hard drawing blood
to stop the remaining shudders of sensation from spreading to her body.

I go to the head
of the table and unbuckle the belt from her arms.

“It’ll be a late
lunch today. I want you to go to the playroom, and wait for me,” I say and she
knows the meaning.

“Yes, Master,”
she replies. Fixing her satin nightgown, she scuttles out of my study.

Being a seasoned
submissive, Leila knows that denial of orgasm is a standard form of punishment.
She knows how to control her impulses, but lately, she’s trying to force me to
make a decision to make her my girlfriend. I don’t do the girlfriend thing. I
never have, never will. I like my autonomy, I like my control, and I like my
life remain this way: Me, as the master of my own destiny. I close my eyes,
slow my breathing down. I haven’t forgotten the fact that Leila tried to sneak
into my bed last night. I was having just another nightmare, and it didn’t make
me feel any better when her arms started snaking around my waist in the middle
of the night, making me freak out. I rolled out of her grasp so fast, I fell to
the floor. She hasn’t been punished for that yet, and this is two strikes
against her within less than twenty-four hours. I might not renew our agreement
at the end of the our term. She’s becoming relentless despite the punishments.
The fact that Leila enjoys pain isn’t helping improve her behavior – like a
drug addict looking for her next fix. That’s why I didn’t punish her last night
despite her transgression. Most people, even subs for that matter would go a
long way to avoid pain, to avoid punishment. That’s why societies function
better, because people are afraid of consequences.

I take a deep
breath. I have decided on the form of punishment. I go my room and my closet,
change into my worn out jeans, commando. I make my way to my playroom. When I
cross the threshold into the room I transform into the total dominant that I
am. Leila is naked sitting on her heels, her hands splayed on her laps. Her
head is down, her breathing shallow, completely docile, and expressionless.

I go to the
drawers where I keep some of the toys; choose the cuffs. Lay them on the sofa.
Then I casually walk back to Leila and stand before her.

“You may look up
at me, Leila,” I say. Her serene gaze looks up, expectant.

“Do you know why
you’re going to be punished?”

“Yes, Master,”
she responds.

“Why then? Tell
me.”

“I disobeyed
your rules.”

“You are being
punished because; you didn’t just disobey my rules. You have continually disobeyed
simple mandates: You have been a sub for years. You know the drill. If you can’t
even control yourself, I will have to take further measures to control you. On
top of that, you have come to my bed unbidden. That’s my hard limit, and that’s
a major transgression,” I say.

Leila turned her
head away chagrined with my censure of her.

“You are not
given permission to look away, Leila,” I say and she brings her gaze back to my
eyes.

“You will be
punished of course,” I say as she swallows, with a slight glint of expectation
in her eyes. I don’t want to feed her need for arousal; this is not a reward –
it’s a punishment.

“Come,” I say,
leading her to the red leather covered four poster bed. I lower one of the
suspenders from the ceiling over to the bed. I’ve got leather handcuffs in my
hand.

“Extend me your
wrists,” I order. She obeys. I clamp one of the cuffs around one of her wrists,
and then with a separate pair, I cuff the other wrist. I fasten the cuffs to
the now lowered suspenders, and pull them back taut. Her arms are stretch to
their full lengths. She’ll be incapable of moving from this position until she’s
released. Her breasts are lifted high and jutting forward. As her back is
curved, her bottom slopes outward. I make her splay her legs, then shackle her
ankles.

“What is the
safeword, Leila?”

“Yellow and Red,
Master,” she mutters.

“Good.”

“Why are you
being punished, Leila?”

“I forced my way
into your bed last night,” she says choking on her words.

“And?” I probe
harshly.

“And this
morning I tried to touch your torso.”

“Why was it bad
to do those things, Leila?”

“Because they
were your hard limits, Master.”

“You
deliberately attempted to do them anyway?”

“Yes, Master,”
she responds as she clenches her hands over her restraints, her breathing
becomes so rapid her chest heaves with a lot of force. She looks aroused, and
expectant; like a drug addict who is about to get her next fix. I hold the whip
in my hand with several thin, leather tails.

“I will punish
you with this; ten blows and I will fuck you, hard. You are not to come. Do you understand, Leila?”

“Yes, Master,”
she says expectantly.

I hold the whip up;
swing it towards Leila making the whip whistle through the air, then land it so
hard against her bare buttocks. The splayed leather tails cover her bottoms and
her displayed sex leaving red welt lines. She trust forward and giving a loud
gasp, followed by a pleasure moan.

“Quiet!” I
order.

I take the whip
again and land it once more over her fleshy buttocks. Her fingers grip the restraints
tight, her chest heaving forward. I make my way to her front and land the blow
to her perked up breasts. Leila gasps again, but still have the pleasured look
on her face. I move to her side and land another blow where red lines appear in
her pale skin. She just shudders. I flick the whip expertly towards her breast hard
marking them with stinging lines, and she yelps, her eyes closed. I know just
how much pressure to apply in order for the whip to leave behind a powerful reminder
of pain, and consequence without breaking her skin.

I lift the whip
up and land it on her belly, she tries to move but her restraints keep her in
place. I move around her body, and dip my fingers into her sex. She’s drenched,
aroused, throbbing. She’s not complaining; she’s absorbing and enjoying the
sensation. That’s the thing about Leila; her mind goes to a different place
when she’s receiving pain. In the context of play, it’s a great trait in a
submissive, but the punishments have to be creative for someone who is
borderline masochist. I lift the whip up and land the remaining four blows to
her round bottom now sporting deep red lines.

“Ten!” I say,
and go behind Leila, and position her bottom, and slam into her without a
preamble.

“This is for my
pleasure only! You are NOT to come, Leila!” I warn. After each hard thrust to
her sex, she groans trying to suppress her pleasure. She’s clenching her body,
fighting not to succumb to the mounting pressure spreading through her insides.
As I slam into her now reddened bottoms, she moans driving pleasure from her
pain. She holds her buttocks up even further to further meet my thrusts, and
she comes loudly as I reach my climax.

I unfasten her
restraints after I pull out of her. I’m now raving mad, completely displeased.
She’s deliberately trying to disobey me to prove some random point I don’t give
a shit about. I bring an Aloe Vera lotion from one of my drawers, and apply it
to her back, her bottom, her chest and her belly. I say nothing. My eyes are
ice chards, and she knows it.

“Master?” she
says her hand reaching up.

I hold my finger
up to stop her from talking. I finish my task robotically, and pull my pants
on.

“Put your dress
clothes back on; we’ll have lunch,” I say in an ominous tone. Fear grips her
eyes.

“Master, I’m
sorry!” she says.

“Don’t speak to
me, unless you are spoken to, Leila. You deliberately and continually disobey
my rules. Come, we’ll eat.” I say. She nods, “Yes, Master,” and assumes her
submissive demeanor lowering her eyes as I pull my gaze away from her. I leave
the room.

“Leila, you know
I’m monogamous in my relationships. You are currently the only sub I have.”

“I need to turn
the music down. It’s loud and distracting,” I say, and reach for the remote and
lower the music to the level of a background noise. She gives another sigh.

“I want to be
your girlfriend Master!” she blurts out and I drop the fork from my hand.

I turn around to
face her giving my full attention.

“The whole time
when you came to invade my room, and disobeyed me every single day for the last
nearly four weeks was because you want to be my girlfriend?”

“Yes,” she says
meekly.

“Leila, I don’t
want, or need a girlfriend. Never have, never will. You and I have a contract,
a consensual Dom / Sub relationship. I take care of you, and you take care of
my needs.”

“That’s the
thing, Master.” She says as if she’s going to divulge another secret.

“I’ve met
someone,” she says meeting my gaze.

“Did you have
sex with him?” I ask angrily. I don’t share my subs; I am monogamous with them,
I expect the same from them.

“No! Not like
that. But he wants more, he want to be involved with me. That’s what I want
too. And you...” she says trying hard to get the words out of her mouth. “You
don’t want that. I want that for myself. I want a relationship. As a couple.”

“And you
thought, you’d offer me the first chance to fulfill that position? I’m the
first in line?” I ask.

She grimaces with
the assessment.

“Well, we are
involved. I would like it to be with you Master.”

“Leila... That’s
not me. I don’t do relationships. I fuck. I’m a Dom. All I want is a sub. If
you want to pursue a relationship with someone else, I won’t stop you. You
deserve it. But I wish you told me that before. It would have spared you all
the punishments. My views aren’t going to chance. This is all I want from a
relationship. I don’t want anything else. I’m not interested in anything other
than a Dom / Sub relationship with a signed contract, my rules lined up and
agreed! You have a get-out clause, you know that.”

“I know. I think
I would like to use that clause right now,” she says.

“Is that what
you want?” I ask as I bore my gaze into her.

“Yes, Master.” I
assess her demeanor. She looks determined.

“Okay. You know
that once you get out of the contract, you’re not allowed back to Escala, or to
my life in any shape or form.”

“I understand,
Master,” she says in a barely audible tone.

“Your contract
is now void. You’re free. I’ll have some money deposited to your account to see
you through for some time. Your health
insurance will also continue until you get your own.”

“Thank you,
Master,” she says forlorn.

“Taylor will
take you once you’re packed. If you wish to stay tonight, you can. Let me know,”
I say with an impassive face.

“I think I will
go today,” she says.

I nod. “Let me
know when you are ready.”

“Master?” she
asks. “Can’t I persuade to change your mind? About us?”

“No, Leila. I
don’t do girlfriends, or relationships. I just fuck,” I say with an impassive
face and walk out of the kitchen leaving Leila alone gazing behind me with a
shocked expression. Time to take a break and find another sub.

Thank you. I had a hard time because this is a character I loved and I had to portray him devoid of love, and going to lengths to avoid emotions, sometimes at the cost of others.

I had to think how to write this. If you had the kind of relationship CG required with him, and though he may feel proprietor towards you, and provide well for you, any little transgression you may fall into could trigger severe punishment. We didn't see that side of him with Ana, because, for one thing she was never a part of this lifestyle before. He introduced and went easy on her. What's more, I think he had feelings for her from the beginning. All through the first book we see the struggle he goes through between his feelings and what he knows (the lifestyle). The very first glimpse of it we had, was when he flogged Ana, and that wasn't even as harsh as he could have been solely because she was new, and had never been punished as a child.

The second one is when Leila is in Ana's apartment. One look and she's shattered. This doesn't occur unless the "Master" has achieved total domination over you.

He's extremely passionate about his playroom, and he does all the things that Ana loves about him. His rules stand, and are rigid (remember just eye rolling triggered a spanking session?) Imagine what he would do if someone violated his hard limits. If the submissive is a seasoned one, and knows what is expected of her, the punishments would be a lot harsher. Being such an independent person, I had a hard time writing this. If it was a whole another person, it’d not be as hard, but, it’s CG. Though it was like looking back to someone’s sins. I thought; why would Leila come back after all these years to CG to extract revenge because he fınally has a girlfriend? Because, she wanted that position and here comes another girl and takes it in a short time. In Leila’s mind, she had CG first. She tried to become his girlfriend, and he refused her. Refusal is hard for people, especially if you’ve given all you got. It was like the Stockholm Syndrome-falling in love with the one who dominated you. That was the angle I looked into this story, and since it was the last day they were together (I’m sure they had number of very fun times, but I kind of felt like the mother hen towards Ana, and I didn’t want to go there.) So, hope you don’t get mad if this wouldn’t be the angle you would take to look into the story.

What were subs then if one didn't have love, didn't go out with them other than shopping for his required clothing, and vaxing but one purpose only. It bothered me to see them as pre-qualified/approved vaginas for hardcore seminal deposits. His redemption once again is love. Don't ever disregard the power of love - the way it transforms people.

I felt greater the sin, bigger the redemption. Just to get a slice of what he was, and why he was always apprehensive about giving in, fighting with his feelings and denying of having those feelings. But then love has a way of creeping in and taking root in your heart before you know it.

I think some of you suspected this, and voiced your concern that looking into a relationship with one of the subs would be taking a step back instead of forward. Assume that it's a glimpse.

Then again, most of the great loves that captured our literature and our imagination has this element of redemption. For example in the book "A Tale of Two Cities" Sydney Carton was a sinner of his time (though not in the 21st century scale). I liked him better than Charles Darnay who was the "good, nice boy", Sydney in the other hand had his share of "bad boy" crap and he was redeemed by his unrequited love for Lucie Manette (and he even gave his life for her happiness willingly). Not my kind of ending-but there you have it (unforgettable love from Dickens). Then there is one of my favorite bad boys - Heathcliff from the Wuthering Heights. His love for Catherine Earnshaw consumes him-and his love is requited but he's not of her class, so it's doomed, and the only time they are together is when they're dead (I still love his strong love). I think for all the major characters in the book (Catherine, Heathcliff, and Edgar Linton) are all screwed up somehow and their only redeeming quality is this tangle of love.

I was so scared for Leila. The book sounds so like him! The you can leave tomrrow and here some money and healthcare. Christian all the way. I love this because I see more of you great writing. Without the books guides you have complete control.(lol)Emime' please you need do your own book. I wish EL James let ours write like George Lucas did for Star Wars. Actually from what I heard form the critics the other writers where better than Lucas. Emine' thank you again for this! The weekend would have been 2 long!

This is weird, Its your view on someone else's hard work. Also by posting his point of view you are also pretty much publishing someones hard work online.The story is identical except from your version his thinking. That is wrong. I get it.you love the book but your misplaced ego is telling you what great work your doing when actually your just stealing and adding on to another woman's hard work.Sorry this is a fact. Pretend your a sub and take the fucking critism. To anyone else reading this. Just go buy the book its not much different than what you are reading or shall i say pirating. I'm sure E.L. James will publish her own well written version. Sorry Emine your not getting credit for it and somehow I don't think she'll be drooling over your copycat blog for ideas. reality check. do you live in reality ? I wonder

Dear Anonymous, I speak on behalf of myself, and have bought all three books, several times over (for friends). What I would like to convey is that the people who visit this blog are infact avid fan's of EL James, true fanatics who are actually in search of like minded people, with the same common interest. This blog is 'Fanfiction'!! not to be regarded as a punch pillow for the over eager critic. Get a grip and lighten up. It has been generously altered and partially composed by Emine, to which I, and my friends are so very thankful. If you can't stand the heat, I suggest you get out if this particular kitchen. Mary (Ireland)

Actually, Anonymous, there are writers who did exactly what you accuse me of: Published books totally based on 50 Shades, and that's even in the introduction. See: Bared to You (which incidentally was #4 for several weeks, now it's on #8) in NYT best seller. Read the excerpt for free. It's a complete copycat, but in a very entertaining way.

Reality is, people do get inspired by others. Fanfiction.net boasts thousands of fan fictions on many many books. I have read fan fictions of my other favorite authors such as Charlaine Harris, Rowling, Stephanie Meyer, Tolkien, Richelle Mead, Cassie Clare, Melissa De la Cruz... The list is endless. This is the reality of 21st century. This is pop-culture, it's a modern phenomenon. There's a similar trend in Japan called Dojinshi started in 60s and 70s for manga books.

In fact Stephanie Meyer said that she won't read 50 Shades of Grey, apparently it wasn't her thing. Some people criticized Mrs. James changing the names, and umping up the sex in Twilight and package and sell it with a different name. Criticisms are endless. I am not making money, not intending to either. I'm fulfilling some desire in myself to see into the head of CG. You like it or don't like it, your choice. I'm not forcing you or anyone to read. It's a PERSONAL blog. My goal in life is not making the entire world happy: it’s an impossible task. I’m making myself happy right now. Stephanie Meyer said of the 50 Shades: “I haven’t read it. I mean, that’s really not my genre, not my thing,” she said with a laugh. “I’ve heard about it; I haven’t really gotten into it that much. Good on her — she’s doing well. That’s great!” (Source: http://www.celebitchy.com/category/el_james/ )Mine is not a book. Its fan fiction. It's a PERSONAL blog. You are free to not to read. I'm okay with that.

Do I live in reality? Oh sure, I live in the land of unicorns and fairies... and apparently you came to visit it. Most people who come here are working women. They had loads of things to worry about. Life, children, homes, bills, some shit perhaps you have not yet dealt with. This is their 15 minutes escape from that. Best of luck to you in your personal reality.

Great chapter, I enjoyed it very much. Em so curious about the 2 months he spent without a sub before he met Anastasia. If I wasn't such a horrible writer I might give it a go. Until then Im addicted to reading your thoughts !Brilliant, Well doneAbby (UK)

Thank you EmIne for writing this chapter. I have imagined what his relationship with Leilah might have been like. You portrayed him so well and I appreciate what he has overcome to be with Ana. Look forward to Monday.Char

Thank you EmIne for writing this chapter. I have imagined what his relationship with Leilah might have been like. You portrayed him so well and I appreciate what he has overcome to be with Ana. Look forward to Monday.Char

Emine, just as I imagined, ruthless , hard ,but with a sliver of light shining through the cracks. "The money to tie you over, health insurance" etc.. The potential of the Cristian we all love is there. Loved it, but wouldn't like too much of this Christian.. Too dark for me..Looking forward to next post.Kathy(Australia)P.S.: Do us all a favour Emine, delete those moronic posts as soon as you see them, we don't need anybody 'Raining on our parade' do we ladies????? Not even the intestinal fortitude to leave a name!!!!!!!!

Wow, this was really something to read,I am floored and yes "Master" is freaking dark. By the way some people can't wrap their brain around the concept of taking a character and expanding it. The way I see it is that you bought a coloring book..plain and simple, the one we all bought...but you went ahead and started coloring in the pictures, the ones that were not colored in...am I making sense?

I just found this blog three days ago and have become totaly addicted! You write with so much eloquence and reflect Chistians POV perfectly! I have read every chapter and have not been bored or disappointed once. I am really looking forward to your next chapter and you now a a forever fan!

Wow,Full on Dom Christian is really dark!! Think you have captured his pre Ana state totally! This really explains why he's so perplexed by his feelings towards Ana, and gives us a new dimension once again to the story!! Loving your work Emine!Can't wait for tomorrow!Rachel (UK)

Thanks for posting this example of Christian before Ana. It shows us how far he has come for Ana and the power of love. Yes, he was dark, but he never lied about what he wanted from his subs or what he was willing to give. It was all spelled out in the contract. If any sub didn't believe him, it was their own fault. I guess if we didn't want to hear the books from Christian's POV, we wouldn't be here, hungry for every chapter. So please, write on. Can't wait for Monday.

Emine,Wow....so dark and alone. I can really see him as determined Dom but you did such a great job I got goose bumps. The way he just dismissed her without a second thought, it floored me. Our Christian is dark indeed and it gives us all a deeper look into how hard the concessions he's made for Ana. He really does love her a lot to just give all that up.

I didn't think I would be too interested about Christian and Leila but to my surprise I truly loved it! This is exactly what I pictured a day would be like pre-Ana! You always amaze me and after following your blogs for a while now I really shouldn't be so surprised at all.

I did want to comment on the harsh anonymous comment that you received. I always fear that you will get tired of seeing those and revert your blog back to private. I hope you don't. I look forward to your chapters every week and because I have read all three books 4 times.. this gives me something to read, and its a subject that I feel so dearly about. I try to thank you at every chapter because I want you to know that I truly do appreciate your hard work! So thank you again! Looking forward to the next chapter.. Monday right??

I didn't think I would be too interested about Christian and Leila but to my surprise I truly loved it! This is exactly what I pictured a day would be like pre-Ana! You always amaze me and after following your blogs for a while now I really shouldn't be so surprised at all.

I did want to comment on the harsh anonymous comment that you received. I always fear that you will get tired of seeing those and revert your blog back to private. I hope you don't. I look forward to your chapters every week and because I have read all three books 4 times.. this gives me something to read, and its a subject that I feel so dearly about. I try to thank you at every chapter because I want you to know that I truly do appreciate your hard work! So thank you again! Looking forward to the next chapter.. Monday right??

Emine it was extremely difficult for me to read, so I can only imagine it was hard to write. I almost skipped over it but I needed to understand him, and this made me realize just how special Ana is to him. Other fan fics make his relationship with Leilia as if he cared. I don't think he did, being who he is he cared for his subs as a human cares for another but nothing more...he is a compassionate man. I feel you get into his head and you get him. This Chapter showed us his dark side. Can't wait for the next chapter!

I actually liked looking at how dark Christian was before he met ana - it gives you an insight about his previous relationships with women. This can show just how strong his love for Ana really is :-)Great chapter once again!

Hello Emine.This was a difficult thing for me but I read it. I think is good to take a look at the CG before ANA. It made me understand exactly how fucked up he was. ANd it made me glad to see that LOVE really can change anything. Being with Ana was a healing process for him. I loved the chapter. Thank you for doing this again. It is always a good time when I come here. I confess that i wasn't a happy chapter, it was really dark but it was important, because it made me understand a lot of things about him.Love your work, you know that, right?

This was a tough read seeing Christian this way, but it did offer a perspective of him and the Dom/Sub dynamic before Ana. By reading this though, it shows how strong his love was for Ana and how she changed his perspective on life & love. As always, I appreciate all the hard work you put into these chapters :)

Emine, I have been a fan of yours since I stumbled across it a couple of weeks ago and I am addicted. I loved this, though I am sure I would not be a sub, I can appreciate that some women out there like this lifestyle and that is a part of why they put up with him. I wouldnt say he was dark per se, if that was what you got your rocks from then you would be ok with it all. In some weird way though I saw Ana willing to try it because hell who wouldnt love some yummy Christian, Fifty or not women usually think they can change a man. LOVE you for all you feed us!

This was a tough read to see Christian this way, but it was insightful into the whole dom/sub dynamics before Ana. It puts into perspective how much he truly loved Ana and how she was able to help him see life & love in a different way. As always, I appreciate all the hard work you put into these chapters :)

Now I rethink things Christian not dark he just honest! I been in relationships before I got married where I did not want Mr Right I want Mr Rightnow! He started to have feels and I had to break it off.(See just got out of relationship he was the rebound guy) See we all say he just heartless but he was recovering from Elena if you listen in what Emine and James have written he has admitted that Elena is what he wanted. Another reason why he does not like to share. I can understand Christian not wanting to open open to love. All of us have shades some more than others!

I quite hated Christian... OMG! This is great! I even felt a kind of repulsion towards him... Buf! Now I can understand even better why he feels so...out of control with Ana! You're doing a GREAT job. I discovered your blog three days ago and I just can't stop reading... You've made our dreams come true!!! Thank you very much!!!

This was an amazing chapter. It is how I imagined christian... this brings more depth to him and who he is and was in some form. I totally wish someone who write about Christian when he was adopted and up until he meets Ana. This and other parts of your blog fill in some of the gaps in the story. How you have written this is just amazingly deep and thought provoking. I sure hope you don't stop and continue on as I find this to be not only erotic, by human and it opens up somethings we as women want and yet can't tell. We want a strong man and yet conficted with was "society demands" of us. You are just amazing with this. Thank you.

It's strange how generally we want everyone to fit into a certain norm. We all believe in some form of God in every culture, but then everyone wants to project their idea of God to someone else. If we're all created by the same creator, would he have turned to Devil and said after creating the man's head, neck, torso, arms, legs, and feet, "I'm done; it's your turn now. Take over! Carry on!" and the devil comes with a fiendish glee, and slaps on the man's genitals.

That's how we see human sexuality; as if it’s a product of devil, and not Godly (even though there is a whole section in the Bible in “Song of Solomon” celebrating human sexuality). It’s not that I support people doing the deed with everyone they meet. But even among couples, (husband and wife) this can be a taboo topic. Not having to talk about it, people end up discovering it in secret, they don’t communicate their needs because they’re even embarrassed of the person who is supposed to know him/her intimately and a great deal of them end up doing it all wrong. Sensuality is almost a topic that belonged to 18th or 19th century, and so few manage to understand or practice it. Like the microwave generation (everything is ready under 3 minutes or less). It’s not a crime to not to know it, but I think not making attempt to learn and get on with one’s years’ of doing it all wrong is somehow criminal :)

I wanted to show that learning experience can go both ways (for Christian as well as Ana) in different aspects. And love seals the deal. I wanted to project how important communication is, and how even in the depths of one’s despair, and dark soul, love can redeem a person.

I occasionally write a section about Christian’s childhood, but there may be other blogs who handle that aspect. I’ve heard some of my readers mention it.

I just discovered you today. I had a pretty good idea of what Christian was before Ana so I wasen't really surprised about his dark side but it just showed to me again how much he loved Ana to try and change for her. I did enjoy knowing a bit more about Leila, the ultimate sub and wonder if in any future books she will be heard of again. Thanks again Lillian

hemscy 368wow! I think yo did a incredible job. Even E.L. James says C.G. is exhausting. I inderstand it must be hard to get into his head. But you pulled it off beautifully. I oftenwonder what he was like before Ana. Sometimes he actually comes off as a littel too mushy. He gives into her alll to easy sometimes. It was nice to see the harder side of him. Thank you for exploring it.

I found your blog a few days ago. I have read EVERYTHING... I am addicted. LOVED this point of view. please don't stop. This is what keeps me going lately. Looking forward to the next installment. I often wondered what the releationship with Leila was like. I think you hit the nail on the head. Keep up the excellent work!!!! Susan (Baltimore, MD)

Amazing!! I was a little nervous at 1st bc of your intro, but I'm so glad that I read it! Totally gave more insight and gave Christian more background! I love the effort you're putting in to give us good stuff! I'm gonna be so sad when we're at end of book 3!

I just love this chapter on Leila. When she was mentioned in the 50 Shades Books I used to think to myself, what else did you get up to at Escala on your secret visits. This chapter explains a lot about how Leila would have felt when she stopped being Christian's sub. Thank you again for all your hard work, I am so enjoying reading all your chapters.

In the book I had some kind of feelings for Leila.After reading this chapter, I feel even more sorry for her. I do love Christian and Ana relationship since the first beginning but I can perfectly understand why Leila wants to be Christian's girlfriend. He is a nice looking man, healthy, can be very tender at times and they sure get some good time together during all these years. And over all Leila lovs sex and punishment. That's why, I suppose, she fell in love.

I never had any soft spot for Leila. CG was completely up front about what he was offering, and she knew the rules of the demi-monde she inhabited.

What I love about your twist is his frustration at not being able to actually punish her! That was actually hilarious! How, indeed, do you punish a masochist? (There's the old joke about a masochist begging a sadist to punish him/her, and the sadist says, "I won't!") LOL

It was interesting to see more of how this cult-like group works. I actually didn't think we got enough of this information in the books -- I was kind of surprised what all the clucking of the detractors was about. Seeing CG this way, it's much easier to understand him, and see how he thinks he's being so easy on his "baby".

About - Eminé Fougner

I'm not a fictional character, or an alter ego. This is me, expressing myself in plain language...Although I am many things in one person: American, parent, wife, daughter, sister, best friend, dog owner, a writer, reader, linguist, multilingual (how else can you be a linguist), language tester, software tester, content writer, software creator, math, physics, history enthusiast, classical, opera, modern music fan, the CEO with a broom and someone who endeavors to have her own opinions regardless of what anyone else thinks.That's the only way to be an individual.

In some cases I'm like Mr. Darcy:"I have faults enough, but they are not, I hope, of understanding. My temper I dare not vouch for. It is, I believe, too little yielding— certainly too little for the convenience of the world. I cannot forget the follies and vices of other so soon as I ought, nor their offenses against myself. My feelings are not puffed about with every attempt to move them. My temper would perhaps be called resentful. My good opinion once lost is lost forever."