The Sheela-na-gig is a shocking, immediately noticable figure found in Celtic and medival stonework. Sheela is most commonly depicted as a squat, ugly female creature using her hands to display grotesquely large genitals. Sheelas of various ages adorn stone steles all over the Irish countryside ; they are also found in the intricate carvings in cathedrals and stone churches in ireland, England, and throughout Europe, often in tandem with the Green man.

"But instead of a mysterious island, scientists have found a bubbling submarine volcano whose weird features include a swirling vortex, a host of strange animals, and a fearsome zone of toxic waters dubbed the Moat of Death."

SOP: JESSSSIICAAAA!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"the last spawn of satan": watching tv with uriSOP: WELL HOW BOUT YOU DO YOUR DAMN HOMEWORK FIRST!!!!"the last spawn of satan": I DONT HAVE ANY HOMEWORK!SOP: WHY? DID YOU DO IT?!! -"the last spawn of satan": NO.. YESS!! I FINISHED IT!(attempting soft motherly voice)SOP: well, then give me a kiss! t.l.s.o.s. - wide eyed in disgust, *i turn my head* "the last spawn of satan": why?!(attempting motherly voice continues and begins to break into baby talk tone) SOP: becauwze oim tha mother

*i hear what seems to be those awfull smooch sounds old people make when attempting to kiss their great grandchildren on the cheek or something*

*i try not to die laughing, quietly*

... 2 seconds later...

SOP: CAN YOU TELL ME WHAT I DID WRONG WITH THIS COZEY THING?!! I THINK I FUCKED UP!

SOP: Do you know anything about Edgar Allen Poe?vamir: He was an author.SOP: But that’s all you know?vamir: He was a melancholy, depressed author.SOP: What did he write?vamir: Poems, short stor-SOP: Did he write something called “The Raisin”?vamir: The raisin?SOP: Yeah, the raisin. I met a guy who’s producing – or maybe he’s directing – an Edgar Allen Poe movie called “The Raisin.”goddesskutani: Do you mean “The Raven.” He wrote a poem called “The Raven.”vamir: It’s only his most well-known work.SOP: Ohhh, maybe it was called “The Raven.” [Walks out of the room]vamir: [Blank, shocked stare at goddesskutani]goddesskutani: [Blank, shocked stare at vamir]

ladykutani: I made a little ditty todayladykutani: to the tune of disco infernoladykutani: "Burrrrn scott and tom! Vagina inferno!"HalfOfaHeaven signed on at 10:50:36 PM. HalfOfaHeaven returned at 11:04:49 PM. HalfOfaHeaven: We should make an album of shiela musicladykutani: indeedHalfOfaHeaven: ShielaShielaShiela I got fire in my pussy and I can't get it out of my brainladykutani: lmaonadeHalfOfaHeaven: at the Shiela, Shielacabana, all the pitchforks go flying in my cunt-holeHalfOfaHeaven: ShielacabanaHalfOfaHeaven: LMAOladykutani: queefle queefle satan fart, how I wonder what you are, enveloping the world and sky, spray some magma very highladykutani: (twinkle twinkle little star)HalfOfaHeaven: yeahHalfOfaHeaven: lolHalfOfaHeaven: what's shiela got to do with it got to do with it? What's shiela but a gaping hole of magma

A long, long time ago, before all the flowers in Pathosia had turned to eternal hell flames and the trees to Satan dildos, lived a man named Coque D'ass. Now in Coque's time, Satan's anal gasses had not yet completely covered the sky like a mental patient's shit covered blanket, so he could still make out the stars in the night sky. One dark and smelly day he asked his grandfather, Ole' Fuckamaslut, where the stars and the planets came from. When the old man heard this his yellow, glassy eyes filled with what one might mistake for tears (it was actually his allergy to the putrid fumes caused by Satan's 17,189,383 gallons of daily vaginal waste dumped into the harbor which then vaporized into the air). Fuckamaslut sighed and recited the tale that he knew so well:

"In the beginning there was no light, and there was no word either, for fuck's fucking sake! There was only the cherry and the fatal loin. They had been slowly moving together for what you and I would call an eternity. When they finally met the cherry popped and expanded to infinity. With that burst of excitement, the fatal loin came for days, exhausting it's sperm supply into the vast new universe. These are the stars. As for the giant cunt that is the universe, several eggs got lost and fermented. As time went on, the eggs expanded with fungus and a new force that we call life came into being. These are the planets. Every once in a while a sperm, or star will catch sight of a planet, or egg, and come crashing down, only to be met by a thick fungus wall. These are the comets."

"But what about the sun?" asked Coque. But it was too late, Just as the words left his lips, Coque watched his Grandfather fall on his back dead. He had taken his last breath of poisonous skankfart gas. After the funeral (in the pathosian religion, a funeral consists of dumping the body into Shiela's vagina), Coque set out on an adventure to learn about the world and to find out, what exactly the sun is.

One of his "rules" is that I'm not allowed to burn incents in my room. I've never had an explanation as to why, so I've ignored such a rule. Mom has caught me a few times (not that I care) and she of course doesn't mind, but she as well doesn't want to deal with the wrath of Steve.

Last night, I burned an incent for maybe 5 minutes, just to get my room to smell nice so I could peacefully fall into a slumber, and somehow he smelled it (even though I stuck a towel under my door). So round about 11:00, he knocks on the door (I'm sleeping by now, and the incent has long been put out). He knocks louder and louder until he wakes me up (I was dreaming and thought that the knocking was part of my dream until I realized I was awake). I groaned, "What?" He proceeded to jerk open the door, and was outraged that I had stuck a towel under the door so he wouldn't smell it. Then he something at me about me being sneaky and that he doesn't like sneaky and blah blah blah, and he chucked the towel at the floor. OOOOooooo, how adult of him! He threatened to kick me out if I burned on more incent. Then he stormed out of my room and yelled downstairs, "Gayle, she had a towel stuffed under her door so we wouldn't smell it!" Mom had guests over, and replied, "Steve, wait until my guests are gone."

This morning, I wrote him an un-sugarcoated letter about how I tune him out most of the time, and that he was being a hypocrite by trying to force me to not burn incents when we keep a number of candles lit for 8 days every year. I also added that the towel under the door was not being SNEAKY, it was being courteous to those who don't enjoy the smell. I gave a couple other examples of how his perception of me being SNEAKY is in fact me being courteous of HIM. If I come home at a weird hour, I go in through the doggy door instead of the front, because if the alarm goes off it will wake him up. It's not much trouble for me to go in that way, and I don't see how that's sneaky at all if I'm using it to get IN the house, not go OUT of it. LOL.

I also noted that I've stopped attempting to earn his trust because he doesn't have faith in me. Any time I've tried to earn some trust, he misconstrues something and immediately goes to "This is why we can never trust you! You're SNEAKY!" LOL. I love how he uses "we" so much, when in fact it's only he who has these opinions. My mom doesn't agree with 90% of what he tells me.

Soccer moms drive over-sized vehicles like out of control rhinos due to penis envy (as the image above irrefutably proves). Some women feel that they must make up for their miniature dick size with poor, even offensive, driving tactics with cars large enough to crush a Russian army. To an extent I cannot blame them, their cocks are so small they aren't even called cocks - they're clits. But even still, I don't have a grand cannon in my pants yet I don't go rampaging on freeways and city streets. Get some counseling...shit.

Well becoming a member of this elite dignified group may not be much harder than filling out an application. You see, the Urban Rhinos thrive in Pathosia, they fill the highways, streets, and sidewalks of every street. Many Urban Rhinos exist in the real world too and they don't even realize they qualify for membership!!!

If you feel you meet the Urban Rhino criteria, ask yourself the following questions:1) Do you own an overlarge vehicle to compensate for your (one or more must apply – zero is NOT more than one):--a) Lack of intelligence--b) Shriveled-up, pathetic excuse for a penis--c) Nonexistent worldly, spiritual, practical, or otherwise useful knowledge--d) Completely and totally wasted life--e) Failing marriage--f) Deteriorating body--g) Moronic and brain-dead children (who happen to be EXACTLY like you!)2) Do you feel that traffic laws apply only to bad drivers – which you clearly are not?3) Do you think a stop sign means:--a) Slow down nearly to a stop--b) Slow down until you can see there are not cops in the area--c) Tap the brakes slightly and zoom through--d) Slow down and even – god forbid – stop ONLY if there are other cars present--e) I don't understand the question--f) Come to full and complete stop, count to three, then proceed if safe (If this is your answer, you have no place in among the Urban Rhinos)4) Do you think cell phone were made to enhance your driving experience?5) Do you feel you command the road with your stern driving techniques?6) Do you think the blinker should be used only after you have began (or shortly after finishing) merging lanes – and you only use it to humiliate the other drivers and let them know who's boss?

If all of the above apply to you AND you have had over three traffic tickets in the last month, you've run into three or more people so far this year, or you've run five or more drivers out of their lane/off the road in the past week you might even qualify to become an exalted Golden-Crowned Urban Rhino!

Post a reply with your driving information now and our highly trained staff will process your form and determine your eligibility over night!!!

Upon inception and after your small initiation fee ($5,000,000), we'll mail you your Urban Rhino horns immediately to mount upon your war-machine of a car! If we receive your information in the next three minutes we'll make your honorary horns in any color of your choice (excluding pink) free of charge!

You've been a shitty driver since birth, so become an Urban Rhino today!!!