Monday, 14 November 2011

I'm Back.

(The Laptop of Doom strikes again. It took Dad all night to fix it, while I sat on his bed doing homework.) All in all, it was a nice weekend, and it was good to get away for a bit. Shame I couldn't fully enjoy it; the fog decided to come back. We went for a walk on Saturday night. It was creepy. I kept feeling like something was watching me, following me. And then my Dad started making ghost noises and I nearly hit him. On Saturday morning I sat in the lounge, eating my cereal, and stared at the scenery. It was beautiful. The sun was just coming up. It shone onto the mist, giving it a golden-pinky hue. I could just make out the side of the loch. There is something comforting about being surrounded by trees, even with the associated danger. I had a lot to think about, and nothing particularly eventful happened while we were there. Probably the most exciting thing that happened was my Dad blowing on some grass and a moorhen replying.

But anyway, I should get on to what happened to me on Wenesday night.

I'd had an alright day at college, not the best, but nothing too
drastic happened. Enough, though, that it felt good to be on the bus
home. A few stops after I'd got on, and I was settling down, listening
to my mp3 player, when I notice a blue hood at the back of the
procession coming up the stairs. So I sat up, fully alert though not
knowing what I could do if it was him. The bus lurched forwards before
everyone was up, and as he was thrown forward, his head turned slightly, and I saw
the glint of sequins. I didn't know what to do so I just sat there and
hoped he wouldn't notice me. It was a stupid hope. Although there was no
one sitting next to me, he sat down in front of me and turned round.

"So, Barbara."

I switched off my mp3 player and took my headphones out. Part of me was screaming "Run! Just hit him and run!", but the rest of me was mostly just annoyed by the intrusion.

"Yeah?"
"Have you given any thought to our little ... proposition?"
"It's been less than a week."
"I know, I know. I was just wondering what you were thinking. If you'd maybe even already come to a decision."

He looked like that one child in primary school who would always
end up drinking too much fizzy juice at lunch time. It wasn't so much a
fidget, more of a sort of - pent-up energy? He kept shifting his
position, kind of swaying slightly, although not in time with the rest
of the bus. In contrast with his posture, his smile stayed suspiciously
fixed. I wondered if he knew more than he was letting on. I avoided his
question.

"Can't people see you?"
"Oh, they know I'm here, they just think I'm unimportant. It's kind of like a -"
"Don't say it." On no account did I want to hear the words "perception filter". He smirked.
"You don't even know what I was going to say."
"Trust me, I've heard it enough and I'm sick of the comparisons."
"Fine." He chuckled. "So back to my original question. What do you think? Are you thinking of joining?" He stared at me. I glared back. I really wasn't in a good mood. His expression changed. "Oh, don't look so glum. I'm just trying to be friendly." It was here that I snapped.
"Friendly?! You follow that faceless monster around, pin me down so I can't get away from him, sneak up on me when I'm coming home from work and scare me half to death, then you show up on my bus when I finally have some time to relax and say you're being friendly?! How am I supposed to react?!"
"I suppose. And I'm a complete stranger to you." He paused for a moment, looking thoughtful. "Ah, f*** it."

He pulled down his hood and took off his mask. My jaw and my eyebrows went in opposite directions.

"Robert?!"
"Yup. Though I prefer the name "Robin", actually."

I was utterly gobsmacked. This was the guy that went missing last month. His hair was much shorter than it had been in the photo, probably the reason why my over-suspicious mind didn't think of it before. And then my mind stumbled on a prospect most horrifying.

"Wait a minute, was that a Burns joke?" He laughed. "No, I'd never even thought of that! You're sharp, you are."

My frown lessened a little. As much as you want to hate someone, it's hard when they're showing good-humour. Then my mind started to wonder what this all meant. Is it possible to fight against someone for whom you don't have complete hatred and fear? He spoke again.

"Are you sure you don't want to join us?"
"Yes." I looked away for a second. "I don't want to hurt anyone. I- I couldn't hurt anyone again."
"Well, you gave me a pretty good punch. But anyway, you don't have to hurt people. There's other things, like intelligence gathering. I know how much you like spending time on your laptop."
"But that's mostly because of my friends. And most of them are currently being harassed or attacked by your boss. I'm not going to betray them."
"You could lie."
"What?"
"You could pretend you're still on their side, and just keep acting like you usually would. There's no way for them to see if you're telling the truth."
"You make me feel sick. Honestly." I felt like getting up and leaving, even though my stop was still ages away. I almost did.
"You know, he's only trying to start a family." He spoke softly this time. I sat back down, confused. "I was scared of him at first too, but then ... then he told me things. He showed me ... love. Love like I'd never felt before. It burned. He took away my fear, and now I'm not scared of anything. I'm so much stronger than I used to be, especially on the inside."

I felt my own fear rising. I couldn't let his seductive tone drag me in. Sure, I have weaknesses, don't we all? I don't need to be stronger. At least, I'm not prepared to lose what's most important to me so I can become invulnerable.

"Look, I'm not going to join you, for the same reasons I avoid Coca-Cola and Nestlé." He sighed
"Fair enough, if that's your answer. Just - think about what I said, okay?" He got up and moved to the top of the staircase. "See ya round, Batgirl."
_

So now I'm dead certain my blog's been traced to me. I'd had my suspicions. Well, at least I know who that anonymous follower from Britain is.

Oh, and Rabbie, if I'm correct and you are reading this, you don't scare me. There's no way I'm joining your master. See, unlike you, I still have my morals. And I'm going to keep them, even if I have to fight.

its not about other people my dear. whats important to you??? what do you want in life???? if you truly WANT to protect others thats fine. keep your position. but dont hate and reject them just because they seem...evil.

i dont support "proxies" nor "runners". its a life style choice. just do what you think is true to yourself.

@Ik3: In my opinion, that's what's wrong with this society as a whole. It's all "Do what you want to make yourself happy.". It's why the economy's collapsing. It's why there's so many people trapped in poverty. It's why the climate's in such a mess and why it's taking everybody so long to react to it. It's why so much of our land is taken up by livestock farming, when arable would be much more efficient. Whatever happened to helping those less fortunate? Whatever happened to things like the Make Poverty History campaign? A year or two ago, I went on a protest against the Trident missile system. There were so many people there, including politicians and even the First Minister. And what did the elected government do? It renewed its contract. For a weapon that has the potential to kill a whole country's population indiscriminately and will probably never be fired. They say it's insurance. Insurance against what? It isn't even our government who hold the release codes. I honestly despair for the state of society.

And yet I still want to serve the species who created this mess. Because, you see, turning my back on them and hating them wouldn't change anything. I'm not sure who else, if anyone, thinks like me, but if they do we need to show them there's a better way to live. Without fear and conflict and gross inequality.

I'm really tired, and I'm probably going to go ahead and sleep once I'm finished here, but I think I should reply to you lot first. (Wouldn't want you all worrying about where I'd got to, now, would I?)

@Ryan: Like I said to Rabbie, I don't care how nice he is to his followers (subjects?), I don't agree with his methods so I'm not going to give him my support.

@Butterfly: Are you okay? *hugs* Would you like to talk as well? It seems everyone's sending me emails nowadays.

@Lucia: Yup. I've thought it was weird ever since the first time. I guess if he was going for striking, he definitely got it. And thanks, it's nice to see someone who isn't just urging me to do the selfish thing._

And wow, I've just realised the time stamp on the post is wrong. It was at least 10pm by the time I'd finished writing it. Blogger interface, y u so contrary?

Yeah, I' m fine.It's just that I' m a little fustrated and a little coo coo inside sometimes is all. Like my insane or weird self takes over me.Thank you for asking.*hugs back*Yes! I would like to talk to you!:)