The Sports Offensive Big Cash Quiz

Everybody knows that footballers have far too much money. But some of them spend it more flamboyantly than others. Can you name the stars responsible for the following financial atrocities?

• Which former international defender pays the BBC to produce a alternative version of ‘The Archers’ featuring personalised plot-lines developed by himself and his wife?
• Who is the pacy striker who has paid £500,000 for a mocked-up holographic film of himself and Beyonce Knowles in an advanced sexual state?

• Which loud-mouthed foreign import has fresh blood transfused into his body twice a month, which is imported from his homeland so that, in his own words, he does not ‘get the gay’?

• Who is the veteran midfielder who has bought 1980’s chart stars The Kane Gang (above), and has them playing live in his home gym for seventeen hours a day?

• Which SPL megastar has built a pine holiday home on top of a pole 150 feet above the ground, so that he can declare it an independent state and charge his children a 60% ‘Super Tax’?