Fall Color Report 2016

Bonsoir from the Marc Jacobs of the Midwest. Throughout the halls of the Hath, you may have glimpsed some of my flamboyant pairings of solids against solids, shaping the beau monde with a single pair of green pants.

As you can tell, my sense of style is guided by the most upscale principles of fashion, and can only be improved by Ms. Day’s influence on my standards of appropriate dress.

The way that fashion goes is that a single color palette is released every other season (super-meta) and these ten carefully selected hues will be religiously abided by everyone from Tom Ford to Target. To engage in our first step of Wintour-Nirvana, let us shake hands with the Ten Commandments of Fall Fashion 2016.

Riverside– This color is called denim. Riverside needs to get off the English Channel runway and back to the fields of commoners who don’t like khaki.

Sharkskin– Someone needs to tell them that Shark Week’s in June.

Aurora Red– “‘Red sky at night, sailors delight. A red sun rises. Blood has been spilled this night.'”–Legolas Greenleaf; Lord of the Rings

Warm Taupe– this color is one letter away from ‘Warm Tape’ and that’s disturbing

Dusty Cedar– Apologies to Dusty Maple for being too Hipster for this palette

Airy Blue– London’s sky is so grey, the term Sky Blue is no longer applicable. So now they reminisce of the former periwinkle horizon by airbrushing it onto their parliament’s bow ties.

Lush Meadow– “Green is not a creative color.”

Spicy Mustard– like the condiment, this color is brash and overpowering and will wind up on everything whether you like it or not.

Potter’s Clay– This is the color of Cinnamon and they missed a hell of an opportunity to do some fall theming here.

Bodacious– adj. very good or impressive (Merriam Webster). Who names a color ‘Very Good.’ That would be like your parents naming their child ‘Very Average.’

And now you have enough fashion knowledge to realize Yeezys are not worth $400.