Sunday, February 7, 2016

Florida Resident Bans Trump from His Property

Used-Car Salesman

By
Bill Britton

February 6, 2016 — Inspired by
citizens in the UK in their attempt to ban Donald Trump from their country, Vero
Beach widower Arnie Tinskin decided to ban Trump from his property. “I ain’t
takin’ no chances,” said Tinskin, “He reminds me a’ that used-car salesman what
sold me that Nash Rambler back in ‘55—same hair.”

When asked what he would do if
Trump knocked on his front door, Tinskin said he’d sic his Jack Russell terrier
on him. “I got Ripper pretty well trained. I printed out a bunch of Trump’s
picture and smeared them all with rabbit scat. One look and that dog rips ‘em
to shreds, just like he done to the UPS guy’s pant-leg awhile back.”

In a televised interview, MSNBC’s
Rachel Maddow wondered if his neighbors were receptive to Tinskin’s ban. “I’ve
had threats from folks here in Verde de las Palmeras, and Gert next door no longer brings me a casserole on
Friday nights. But that’s OK. I’ve had better mac-n-cheese outa the box.”

A number of reporters wondered who Tinskin
would vote for in November. “I’ll vote for the one what promises free Viagra
for seniors,” he replied. “Since Gert cut me off, I’ve had my eye on that
divorcee ‘round the corner. She looks like a liberal in more ways than one.”

Tinskin hopes to make some money by
selling “Ban-the-Donald” t-shirts and baseball caps, which will be available at
his website, www.banthedonald.net. And Tinskin is already at work on his next
crusade, which is tentatively named, “Ban-the-Snowbirds.”