~ Exploring the human-canine bond

Looking Forward

It’s been raining for 24 hours and everything is muddy. Fortunately snow flakes are once again in the air, and hopefully all will soon be frozen again. They ground is still quite frozen about an inch below the surface, so when the dogs run on the grass, the top layer slides around under them, ruining the lawn. I have to keep them in the house today so as to not do too much damage to the yard. We could go up into the woods, and likely will in a little bit. I am feeling very tired today, and a bit low. It’s grey and quiet around here, and I’m a bit down about how few people I have heard from over the holidays. I really don’t consider a general post to Facebook as a personal greeting, even if it starts with “hey everybody!…” Electronic greetings are good for the environment, but such generally directed group posts are getting to be a bit of an extreme. But I digress…

The dogs are all napping after having enjoyed a marrow bone each, still on the quiet side after their fun-filled day yesterday. My goal this week is to do something one-on-one with Kestrel every day. After just two days in a row, she is already seeking me out and hanging around me a lot more than she normally does. This morning I woke up to find her curled up on my pillow with her head on my shoulder. It’s about time that I developed a closer relationship with this wonderful little dog!

I felt pretty good last night after spending two whole days outside, and hanging out with friends. Today all I want to do is crawl into bed and stay there. I have a lot of work to do, however, and a walk with the dogs will likely make me feel better. I brought my four weave poles and one jump, and will do a little agility training as well. That is something I can do in the garage after dark. I am really ready for the days to start getting longer again (which they are, yippee!) so that I don’t have to cram everything into a few short hours.

Today I am realizing that my life is far, far, far too solitary and that I need to change that. I get energy from spending time with good people, and get depressed when alone too long. I am going to spend much of this quiet week ahead contemplating what I need to do to improve my life and to be happier. The past year I have made many changes, and they have really moved things along well. I am much happier and feeling better about things now than I have in years. But I am also more acutely aware of just how far I have yet to go. I really need to develop some kind of permanence in my life: a reliable job, land that I plan to stay on long-term, friends in close proximity who I can rely on for help and cheer. The extreme quiet of Christmas day made it clear just how off the radar I am even to the people I care for. I was away all day, and when I came home, the phone had not rung once. I also received exactly one Christmas card this year.

Another project for this week is to get out New Year’s greetings to friends and family. Having heard from virtually no-one makes me wonder if it is worth it. Should I put my energy into re-establishing old ties? Most of these friends disappeared when my health failed and I stopped being able to work at friendships. I suspect I was a rather miserable person to be around, so I can’t blame them. But now that we’ve drifted apart, does it make sense to look to the past for social connections? Or should I just let them go and start afresh with the new people in my life? I am not sure. I know many people just got really busy, what with raising kids and working full-time (or more) and building up their lives. That we drifted apart may only have been the result of distance, and not desire. But what purpose does it play to try and rekindle these lost connections? I have spent a lot of time letting go of the past this year, maybe letting go of old friendships is what I need to do to make room for the new. A lot to think about as I sit here on my own, watching the snow and transcribing my research interviews.

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6 thoughts on “Looking Forward”

Personally, I don’t find that trying to rekindle old relationships really works. If a friendship has not endured, then I feel there wasn’t much there anyway and it is time to move on. Last year I spent over a hundred dollars on hand designed and printed Christmas cards (hard copy) and mailed them off. Out of two dozen cards mailed, I received two thank-you’s. This year I made no cards. I personally answered the three cards I did get. I feel much better.

Hi Cathy – thanks for the encouragement to just let go. It is sound advice. You must have been very frustrated after sending out those lovely cards. I did have a couple of old friends track me down and that made me really happy. We will continue to correspond now, I hope.

Christmas has really become a time of stress and expectation and any way we can reduce that I think is healthy. This Christmas break has been really wonderful as all I’ve done is catch up on a bit of work, take care of my health, train my dogs and meet with a small handful of friends. I feel relaxed and happy and am feeling like the coming year will be enjoyable and under control. Cheers!

I am just now getting back in touch with some people I have not seen in years. I have the opportunity to contact so many, but there are really only two or three that I feel might still have something in common with me now and how I want to live my life in the future.

If there are some people that you feel could add to your life in meaningful ways, then try for them, and whether or not it works out, at least you will know for one way or another.

Hi Stacey, I am going carefully through my list of long-lost friends trying to see who I might still connect well with. I have gotten back in touch with a couple so far, and have been pleasantly surprised by how much our lives have grown in parallel. Yet others have diverged completely. Those I will say good-bye to, which will leave room for new friendships down the road.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. I find sometimes that if I don’t think about things so much, they sort themselves out. If the mood strikes, whenever, just reach out. If not, don’t.

My Christmas cards are always something I design – and they are often expensive to produce. I know half (well, probably most) people just throw them in the trash – but I do it for myself because I enjoy it so it matters less to me what people do with them.

Over time, people get involved and sometimes it’s not really a personal thing when people don’t get in touch. I’ve kept in touch with some friends ever since I met them – through childhood, school, jobs, etc. – anmd I’ve come to learn who sends a birthday card every year (I used to be diligent at this, now I’m the worst!) and who is likely not to keep in touch as much. But the circle of friends I see on a regular basis is quite small. And some have come and gone – I think it’s the nature of life.

Hi Beth! Thanks for the holiday wishes! I hope you had a wonderful Christmas and a good holiday break. I am going to catch up on your blog in just a minute to see what you’ve been up to!

Your cards sound lovely – I would love to make my own Christmas cards. I still haven’t sent any out but have decided to send off new year’s greetings to those people I would like to keep in touch with and see who gets back to me. I’ll then take things from there. I ended up receiving notes from a small handful (i.e. 3-4) long lost friends this holiday and it was really delightful to hear from them. Perhaps others will feel the same way if I track them down.