Secret Pregnancy is Hard

I have a secret pregnancy. We haven’t told a soul that we’re pregnant, barring medical professionals who need to know these things in order to treat me properly. We’re going to my in-laws’ for dinner. It’s Sunday. It’s what we do every Sunday.

My in-laws are awesome. Ever seen That 70’s Show? My in-laws are Red and Kitty. They don’t just act like Red and Kitty. They actually have some resemblance to Red and Kitty. In fact, when I was trying to explain who my father-in-law was to someone who worked in a different department of his government agency, I actually said “You know, that tall guy who would remind you of Red Foreman?” (The girl I was talking to actually said, “Oh, yeah! Except he’s taller and has dark hair?”)

I completely love my in-laws. They have helped fill some of the void that was created since my parents are gone. I’m sort of the daughter they never had. And my mother-in-law is desperate for a granddaughter.

My husband wants to keep this to ourselves until we’re 8 weeks. That means another 3 weeks of not saying a word. While I do think that we should wait (we told them the day we found out on the one that didn’t work out), I only want to wait until we’re past the point where everything went wrong last time. (I actually think that my husband would just plain like to ignore the event until we’re 8 weeks. To him, that’s the magic number where suddenly everything is okay and we don’t have to worry so much about things going wrong. He has said that he wished that we didn’t find out quite so quickly.)

Even though we’ve agreed that we don’t want to say anything to anyone, period, it’s going to be very hard to keep something this special a complete and total secret. I want to celebrate, and hope that my celebration and happiness will be the thing that stops anything from going wrong this time. I almost feel like a secret pregnancy is asking for it to not work.

It’s the complete opposite of the approach that my very low-key husband has in mind.

How long did you keep a secret pregnancy before sharing with the world?

Originally posted on July 19, 2007 for What to Expect.

Update: That secret pregnancy is now a happy and energetic three year old boy.

we waited to tell the world 12 weeks with the first and about 9 with the second. (we werent sure of the exact dates). We did tell a select few people though. So maybe your inlaws can be those select few people. Did they support you with the miscarriage? and did you like how they reacted? i think its totally normal, acceptable and common to wait to tell everyone. but we didnt struggle with the decision to wait to tell the world and knew it was right to tell just certain people.

I am on my 4th pregnancy after my 3 year old and 2 miscarriages. I am currently 12ish weeks..not sure if exact conception date (THE ONE cycle I didn’t keep track of!). I have my first sono next Friday, it’s HARD not to tell people…especially because I’ve been SO SICK this time around. Only about 5 people know and I don’t really plan on telling anyone else until after the sono!

We waited until after the first doctors appointment before we told our parents… now if it happens again.. we may wait a bit longer (But that’s because my parents are against the idea of me getting pregnant for some reason)

We told our parents with our first a few days after we found out, not how we wanted to tell them but we told them non-the-less. With our second we told the entire family the first chance we were all together.

With my First I told everyone as soon as I found out..But with my second i had surgery 3 days before I found out we waited until about 11 12 weeks to tell our parents and another 4 weeks to tell the world..We just wanted to make sure everything was ok before we told bc of haveing surgury while pregant!

With my son, we told close friends/family around 10 weeks. Then my next pregnancy I told some people even sooner, then had a miscarriage between 10 and 11 weeks. “Untelling” people was horrid. I was adamant that we wouldn’t tell anyone until 12 weeks, but I broke down and told my parents at 10 weeks, because we see them 2-3 times a week, and my mom was starting to wonder why I was always feeling sick and tired. Now I’m 15 weeks and I am slowly telling people at work, and acquaintances. For some reason I can’t bring myself to make the big announcement on Facebook yet. I don’t think keeping it to yourself will “jinx” anything. The important thing is that you and your husband feel comfortable sharing the news.

We waited till thanksgiving, so the end of November. But we found out on sept 20th. so basically, until the second trimester. it was hard to wait, but i have a family history of miscarriages and we wanted to wait till we knew things would be ok. plus, it was our first, we needed time with the idea to ourselves, if that makes sense

Yes, I am hopeless at keeping secrets. My daughter told everyone way before the 12 week mark. She is apparently hopeless at keeping secrets too! The first time I had a miscarriage, so it was hard retelling everyone.

I keep my pregnancies a secret from my ILs as long as is humanly possible! I’ve given birth to 6 babies and the one and only time they were happy about it was my third pregnancy because MIL wanted a boy after two girls. She’s extremely negative and after losing my second son at birth and nearly losing the next baby the exact same way I need support during my pregnancies, not negativity, especially in those early hormonal days. The only thing I like about carrying around a bit of extra fluff is that I can get away with not telling them for about half the pregnancy. We didn’t even tell them last time, my oldest child couldn’t keep it in any longer and she told a friend st church who told MIL. Crappy way to find out but if she wanted us to share with her she needs to change her attitude problem.

I know how you feel, I’m 10 weeks right now and we found out about the pregnancy 5 weeks ago. We didn’t want to tell anyone yet because I didn’t want my boss to know yet. I just barely came back to work from my previous pregnancy and I know she wouldn’t be too thrilled about it. I hope time would go by quick so you can share the great news to your family already 🙂