Beauty Special: The Unreal Housewives of New Jersey

Remember how the New York Housewives were forever banging on about “authenticity” last season? Well the Jersey gals don’t give a flying Porsche about that hooey. In their gilded Franklin Lakes cage, fake totally rocks—right down to their silicone-filled racks. A more tanned, buffed, injected and polished group of ladies we simply cannot imagine. In fact, we’ve been so awestruck by their appearance that we recently got on the phone with three of the wives—Caroline, Dina and Danielle—for a closer look-see into their extensive beautifying and fitness regimes.

DINA
The ever-glossy lipped Dina, 37, tells us that her hair gets the lion’s share of her beautifying attention. “There are only a few more years that I think I can get away with it,” she says of her gorgeous blonde tresses. “Because, you know, as you get older, I don’t think it’s too attractive for women to have long, long hair.” Dina heads to Chateau, the Franklin Lakes salon that’s the unofficial clubhouse for the wives, for highlights and her weekly blowout. “Date night with my husband is every Thursday,” she says, “so I’ll get curled and all done up.”

Although her home is utterly tricked-out with expensive Pilates machines, Dina admits that the Reformer is mostly unused and the Tower is “still in its wrapping.” She heads to a Pilates studio three times a week for private sessions. (“I need a trainer to yell at me and tell me to put the ice cream down.”) Dina’s other indulgence is Shiatsu at Massage Envy, where she goes at least once a month. “I like that it’s just hardcore,” she says. “You go in, get naked, get rubbed. There’s no fluff.”

CAROLINE
Dina’s big sister Caroline (center)—by far, the most salt-of-the-earth member of the gang—isn’t nearly as high-maintenance. On last week’s episode, when the wives talked openly about their implanted “bubbies,” Caroline was proud to claim hers as God-given. “When I see myself on television, I just look big,” she explains, chalking it up to her 5’1″ height. Caroline doesn’t even do spray tans. “I did it once and I thought, `This is the stupidest thing,’” she shares. “You can’t move, you can’t sweat. Too much maintenance.”

Still, she works out with that trainer in her massive home gym three times a week and pops over to Chateau every six weeks for a trim. And she isn’t above a little inauthenticity when the situation warrants. For instance, she’s now wearing artificial nails. “It’s just easier,” she says. “Bravo has taken over my life, and the gel tips allow me to go three weeks without a manicure.”

DANIELLE
Between the lip-plumping, the Botox and the opening show sequence that features her hoisting dumb bells while clad in a microscopic get-up, it’s clear that Danielle is all about the pretty. But since (as we’ve all been privy to) she’s also in some financial straits at the moment, she’s had to scale back on her previous regime, including regular jaunts to Manhattan dayspa SoHo Sanctuary. “I haven’t had a facial in a very, very long time,” she shares. “When I was married, I went once a month. But I’m using all the same products. My facialist there, Alex Fisher—she was also doing Madonna, Diane Sawyer, Katie Couric—got me started on Hauschka, Jurlique and Arcona. So I now have, like, everything they make.”

The 46-year-old has also recently discovered the wonders of eyelash extensions. “I didn’t have them on the show, but I do now, and I love them,” she says. “If you’d like to tell people where I go, it’s Bliss in Wayne, and the number is 973.692.1100. The owner’s name is Laura. But it’s not part of the Bliss chain of spas. It’s just a separate salon named Bliss, because we’re all blissful.”

What Danielle isn’t so blissed-out about, however, is the cumulative effect of all the Botox she’s been getting of late. “I love it, but I’m beginning to think maybe they’re doing a little too much to my forehead. Because I’ve heard people saying some pretty negative things.”

Unfortunately, we weren’t able to talk to the two other wives, so our burning questions about Jacqueline’s cup size and Teresa’s massive headbands will just have to wait.