Once more, with feeling: “Die Hard” is not a Christmas movie

posted at 4:01 pm on December 24, 2013 by Allahpundit

The eternal debate is raging anew on Twitter this afternoon, so let’s spend a few more minutes exploring why you’re all wrong about this. Simple question: Has anyone ever said to themselves, “I’m in the mood for a Christmas movie. I know — I’ll watch ‘Die Hard’”? No, they have not. Lots of people have said to themselves, “I’m in the mood for an action movie. I know — I’ll watch ‘Die Hard.’” Lots of people have also said to themselves, “I’m in the mood for ‘Die Hard,’ period.” That’s how singularly awesome and culturally ubiquitous the film is: Sometimes you’ll get a movie itch and nothing else but DH will scratch it. But — and this is the key point, worth (re)emphasizing — the fact that “Die Hard” is an exceptional movie set on Christmas Eve does not make it an exceptional “Christmas movie.” If it does, then the fact that McClane’s heroism is all about reconciling with his wife should, in theory, also make DH one of the great romantic movies ever made. I wince as I write that, knowing that now the “Die Hard” superfans are going to say, “IT IS ONE OF THE GREAT ROMANCES EVER MADE.” But of course, it isn’t. The romantic subplot is useful in humanizing McClane, making an already likeable character even easier to root for. But ultimately it’s window dressing for what truly makes “Die Hard” great, just like the Christmas elements are.

I’ll grant the “‘Die Hard’ is too a Christmas movie” crowd this much: Genres shouldn’t be defined too rigidly. The traditional “Christmas movie” as most people understand it is a cavalcade of warm-fuzzies in which the hero ends up receiving a gift that somehow re-shapes his or her life. That’s the gist of “It’s a Wonderful Life,” “A Christmas Story,” and of course the eight thousand filmed versions of “A Christmas Carol.” Usually the gift involves newfound appreciation of one’s family, but not always. (A classic TV version of the “Christmas movie,” I think, is the Art Carney/Santa episode of the “Twilight Zone.”) But if you think that’s too narrow a definition, okay. I’m open to the idea of defining “Christmas movie” more broadly. Just tell me how “Die Hard” does that. Most of the arguments for including the movie in the canon are either superficial, like McClane’s journeys in the elevator shaft supposedly mimicking Santa coming down the chimney, or too narrowly tied to the traditional genre themselves, like claiming that McClane’s reconciliation with his wife is somehow important and Christmas-y after two hours of him kicking the sh*t out of terrorists. Who cares if they reconcile? The payoff of the movie isn’t the reconciliation, it’s McClane killing the villain by dropping him off a skyscraper. To claim otherwise is like arguing that the payoff in “Star Wars” isn’t Luke blowing up the Death Star, it’s the scene right after where they come back to base and hug. By that logic, if Chewbacca was wearing a Santa hat during the medal ceremony, “Star Wars” would be a Christmas movie too. If you want to argue for DH as part of the Christmas canon, go broadly genre-buster with it — “Christmas is all about joyful exuberance and overcoming evil, and that’s exactly what McClane does!” Not “well, he writes ‘ho ho ho’ on a dead guy’s shirt in one scene, so, hey.”

One more thing. If DH’s “Christmas movie” status hinges on the family subplot, of McClane trying to reconcile with his wife on Christmas Eve, why make him a cop? That signals two things to the audience: First, that he knows his way around weapons and possesses enough courage around bad guys that his exploits are kinda sorta believable, but more importantly, that he’s a guy who’s used to protecting the public and would probably stay and battle Hans even if his wife wasn’t there. Right? Does anyone think McClane, having discovered that his wife left the party before Hans and his crew seized the building, would have simply slipped out a window and gone home rather than stood and fought? Of course not. Nothing would have changed. He would have killed Hans and rescued everyone anyway, because that’s just the sort of ass-kicking mensch he is. And — get this — he would have done it even if it wasn’t Christmas Eve. Christmas doesn’t matter. The wife doesn’t matter. All that matters is that McClane is awesome and unbeatable. Which is why every video store in America stocked “Die Hard” in its “action” section, not its “Christmas” section.

Here’s “Red Eye” debating this very important question a few days ago. Good point from Joe Concha: What kind of respectable “Christmas movie” sets an office party on Christmas Eve? No one would be there. C’mon.

Blowback

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Oh,..and a Merry Christmas from the SyrianElectonicArmyGoons??
(Watch your emails with extra scrutiny)(sarc)

Syrian Electronic Army
34m
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Federal Bureau of Investigation dispatches warning notices about Syrian Electronic Army activity, according to 2 people who received the notices – @nytimesbits
read more on nytimes.com
========================

58 minutes ago
The Syrian Electronic Army Is at It Again
By NICOLE PERLROTH
******************

It’s a happy hacker holiday once again.

This Christmas it’s not Anonymous or Iranian hackers you need to worry about — it’s the Syrian Electronic Army.

On Tuesday, the Federal Bureau of Investigation dispatched warning notices that the S.E.A. was at it again, according to two people who received the notices, which included various digital clues to help companies block attempted cyberattacks.(More……..)
=========================================================

Die Hard was mediocre. I don’t know where this idea that it was some stellar piece of work came from. Yeah … it had numerous sequels, but so did lots of really awful movies – and the Die Hard sequels really blew chunks (the few minutes of them that I managed to watch.

I don’t know … Die Hard was just another movie. Not a great movie. A fun movie, but not that fun. So-so.

If you are hanging out with anyone who says, “I’m in the mood for Die Hard” … find some other people to hang out with.

ThePrimordialOrderedPair on December 24, 2013 at 4:46 PM

Die Hard is not mediocre, but I will risk the wrath of the Hot Gassers by saying it is a tad overrated. And the reason why can be summed up in two words: Dwayne Robinson. The moment he enters the picture, things don’t necessarily go downhill, but the movie is never quite the same. The character was an a-hole in the book, but he wasn’t an idiot like he was in the film. Plus the book had a better payoff with Powell literally pushing him into the path of Karl’s bullets as he tries to shoot McClane(technically Joe Leland in the book).

“Simple question: Has anyone ever said to themselves, “I’m in the mood for a Christmas movie. I know — I’ll watch ‘Die Hard’”? No, they have not.”

Yes, I have! I did last night. After finishing with cleaning up from Christmas Eve dinner and wrapping presents, my Wife and I popped “Die Hard” into the VHS(!) and fell asleep to the sweet caress of F-Bombs and Yippee-Kai-Yah M-F!

But ultimately it’s window dressing for what truly makes “Die Hard” great, just like the Christmas elements are.

That being the case, every movie set at Christmas time is only a comedy or romance or drama that happens to have seasonal window dressing, with the sole exception of anything that carries the gospel message.

Which basically eliminates everything except A Charlie Brown Christmas. The original Family Guy Christmas special is more Christmasy than Christmas with the Kranks, Four Christmases, and The Santa Clause Trilogy, combined.

Alternatively, I propose that any movie set at Christmastime is a Christmas movie, on the basis that the setting is the primary defining characteristic. The type of movie – comedy, action, drama – is the genre, but genre has no season, and what is “appropriate” to watch during a holiday is any movie of your preferred genre set during that time.

I mentioned in the last thread that Planes, Trains and Automobiles is required viewing in my household at Thanksgiving, given that it’s the only movie in my memory set specifically during that holiday. Eventually, we have started building up essential viewing for other holidays: Groundhog Day on, well, Groundhog Day, The Passion at Easter, Saving Private Ryan on Memorial Day, Ghostbusters on Halloween. July 4 is up in the air but I’m leaning toward The Patriot, even though it’s basically a b-grade American Braveheart; Independence Day is a close second.

I refuse to watch Valentine’s Day just because it shares the name of the holiday; it’s an Americanized, lesser version of Love Actually and I prefer to let the wife decide what the official household movie will be for that day. I’m taking suggestions for St. Patrick’s Day; Michael Collins, possibly? I didn’t really like that, though. I could cheat and do The Fugitive but that has even less standing than Die Hard, because the time setting is truly incidental to the plot, only mentioned in a single scene.

Die Hard sucks, of course. It is silliness on a scale that is hard to reckon. The movie is graced and saved by Alan Rickman, inexplicably. Still, it is a guilty pleasure for me. But it could have been made more tolerable by the rational editing (out) of two characters: the ridiculous limo driver and the painfully stupid cop dialogue which pollutes the entire movie, donuts and all.

The limo driver was clearly a plot device. Having “Carl” outside the building gave the protagonist a sounding board, so that he’s not spending all his time talking to himself, to say nothing of thwarting the feds’ efforts to continue stumbling blindly into Alan Rickman’s evil plot.

I’m not saying it’s Oscar material; clearly the movie is action junk-food and every bro’s guilty pleasure (like an 80s Arnold movie). I am saying that giving Tom Hanks a volleyball with a face solved the problem of character interaction in a movie where he was even more isolated than McClane.