my attempt at documenting life, growing each day, and living life completely

Sunday, October 2, 2011

Thinking of Great Grandma

Today Great Grandma Clo would have been 92 years old. I thought of her this morning … she was one of the first to send birthday cards to everyone in our family … she wrote notes to the boys and included stickers, gum, and various surprises … she even wrote long stories to each of the boys when they were born comparing her growing up to theirs and explaining the differences … truly an amazing woman.

She is missed.

……………………

Both boys are playing basketball this year … I may have mentioned that already … and while Payton had his first practice last week, Jarrett just started this weekend.

Yes, that is my child … the one to the far left of the photo away from all the rest of the group marching to his own beat … quite literally …

……………………

Things are still changing daily around here with the recent construction project slash renovation slash upgrade slash time for newness. Some changes are hard to capture with the camera – with sheetrock comes mud and tape – and mud and tape – and then some more mud and tape.

I do have one picture that shows major change – we have no downstairs bathroom right now!

Well, the toilet is still there, but no sink or counter and no door – that was removed to make it easier to unload the other unwanted pieces. (It’s a good thing I have boys!)

……………………

Pondering …

Every day I wake up the same as I used to, and sometimes I feel guilty for that.

I wake up happy and thankful every day.

Because of the amazing parents and family and friends I have, I was raised and supported with a positive outlook and reminded that it’s up to me to decide each and every day what that day will bring … good or bad. It’s just the way it works. Even when you don’t know which end is up, you still have a choice.

When my reality sinks in just a bit and I think about my responsibility of being a parent, and the list a mile long of things I should get done that day as well as what I would like to get done, I feel a little scared and lonely and unqualified.

Although I have tried to remind myself that the random emotions I have and feelings of concern about the future are “normal” for someone who has experienced what I have in life, I do still wonder what “normal” really is … what it means … and where do I go from here?

I know that we each have our own paths in life … some of us figure out our purpose sooner than others … and for some of us, our purpose can change.

This is where I am now … I am acknowledging that while I had a purpose and was headed in a certain direction, that has now changed. Some parts of my previous path remain, however my future is headed in a different direction than I had planned.

Which direction might that be? Hmm … well, when I know, I’ll share it. But for now I’m trying to keep in mind that it’s up to me to decide how each day will be … good or bad.