Personal reflections and revelations

Tag Archives: singles

Alas my foot finally rubbed a dime-size hole in the side of my favorite pair of flats. These were the shoes I wore proudly for five-plus years and got compliments every time. These were the shoes in which, though they were pricier than most I owned, I didn’t hesitate to invest. When I noticed holes wore through the inside of them last winter, I turned a blind eye because I loved them. Though they always came untied, I never hesitated to bend down and retie their bows. No shoe matched everything better than these shoes.

Now without my perfect flats, shoe shopping is more difficult than ever. No flat seems worthy of filling its empty slot on my shoe rack. I’ve searched high and low, and not one meets the high expectations I now have because of my perfect flats. And though shoe shopping is difficult, I only wish parts of my life were as easy as shoe shopping. If only I could walk into a husband store. A salesperson would slip my heart into a heart measuring device, pull up some possible matches on her register, and pull some of those candidates from the back room for me to try on. I could take them out of their boxes, turn them around in my hands, examine their quality, and try them on for size. I know, I know. There are things out there like that. For instance, online dating sites. Each of these advertises that they can find you a perfect match, but I’ve tried and they can’t. In fact, they match me with non-matches, saying things like “A what-if match!” I’m sorry, but if I’m looking for Nordstrom quality I’m not going to walk into Payless Shoe Source!

Before I knew God, I mean, really knew God, I would have settled for any Joe Blow off the street. I had never experienced the unconditional love of a perfect heavenly Father, but now that I have experienced it, it’s like my perfect flat. I know what real love feels like and its difference in quality to that of lust or a crush. Since man can never live up to God, of course I’m not searching for perfection. I have taken the time to pray and think through the qualities of God’s love and character that I most love and appreciate. Those qualities are what I hope to find in a husband. I’m looking for the perfect flat of a man. Someone who, just like my perfect flat, complements all my favorite things like faith, family, volunteering, trying new foods, hiking, etc. Now that I’ve experienced God’s love, nothing will ever compare. Fortunately God’s love won’t ever wear out as my perfect flat did, but perhaps there is a husband out there who mirrors some of my favorite God-qualities. And maybe there’s another shoe that can fill my perfect flat’s slot in my shoe rack, if only I wait just a little while longer.

As the eldest of three sisters and still single at nearly 34 years of age, I experience both real and assumed pressure to walk down the aisle sometime this century. Some people beat around the bush, and others just blurt it out, “Are you ever going to get married?”

Well, first off, getting married is not a one-person decision, neither is it a two-person decision, but a bride, groom, and God decision. When people ask me if I’m ever going to get married I feel like screaming! When has it ever been okay to ask a barren woman when she will ever have children? Don’t you think if I had a choice in the matter that I would get you off my back in an instant if I could?

Sometimes, however, no one has said anything, but I just feel a pressure to not be single anymore, to give my parents the grandchildren that they want so very much, but again, it is not my choice. Sure there are things I could have done differently in life that may have gotten me hitched, but I can’t change the past now. Fortunately God has given me so many other reasons to live and enjoy His creation. Believe it or not, world, life goes on even when you are single, and life can go on down in the dumps or happily jumping in the puddles while the storm blows through.

Yesterday I missed my friends’ wedding because I didn’t want to face the questions of why I am still single. That’s sad. I instead slept in, had church at home in the peacefulness of my living room while listening to the choir at the church next door belt out hymns (talk about making a joyful noise!), sang some worship songs of my own (well, not my own), read the word, and prayed and listened. You know what? After I prayed, asking God if I should go to my friends’ wedding, telling Him my fears of judgment, and listened quietly, all I heard was God’s perfect peace telling me to just rest in His goodness. There would be enough guests to celebrate with my friends, and without me there would surely be more food for them. At that moment I was feeling the joy of being with my Heavenly Lover, and He knew that was all I needed. Plus I knew my friends would understand.

Instead of saying someday God will give me all I wish for, I say I wish for all that God has for me because He’s already given me more than I deserve, more than I wished for…and that was exactly what I needed to feel yesterday, today, and forever. I’ve spent the last several weeks feeling like the future was too far away, but it’s true what they say, the present is a gift (or a present).

Heavenly Father, I thank You that You understand my every need. You know when to make me rest and when to get me up moving around, serving others. You give me strength in my weakness, and wealth of spirit when I am poor in spirit. Sometimes You let me suffer, but You always rescue me before I fall to pieces. You catch me in Your arms, not only like a father catches his child, but like a groom carries his bride. Thank You for Your gentleness, Your mercy, and Your grace. Even when I have forgotten all You have given me, You still give me more. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Have you ever had a special day with Jesus that you would like to share?

Also, I just want to take this opportunity to wish my friend Maura a very happy birthday. Thanks for always reading my blog.