Friday, August 26, 2011

I'd have gotten these reviews up earlier but I got a new computer so I've been playing video games and having fun rather than paying attention to you fat slobs, but the time for that is over! Except it's not. Anyway:

941. On the whole this one was reasonably solid, though I felt it could have done without the whole pseudo-scientific explanation for his improved-perspective-goggles. He has yet to learn that when he's trying to rip off ASW he needs to be brief. But I'm sure I would have liked it before I devoted all of my waking hours to hating XKCD.

It's even started haunting my dreams.

942. Wouldn't it be wacky if when you threw juggling balls up in the air they just hung there instead of gravity working???

As much as I love absurdist fiction, Randy is terrible at it. The absurd isn't presented as any sort of commentary on life or reality, but instead as the point of the joke: "ha ha ha the balls don't fall down" (I know, I know). And then "well this book is dumb it doesn't tell me what to do when I can't reach my balls." Do something interesting with the absurd, Randy, and your comics about it might not be shitty.

943. Randy likes us to think that he is so scientifically-minded that when he is presented with a request, he interprets it as a scientific question. He does this because he is quirky and wacky and nerdy! I guess he's just going along with this marriage experiment because he is curious as to whether it will actually happen. It has nothing to do with the milky bounty that awaits him when he finally implants his hot porn star daughter in Megan's womb.

Posted by
rs

84 comments:

Hey Rob, I have a request that you will probably shoot down and then ridicule me for. If you're going to make posts like this, can you include the comic strips you're talking about? I don't want to go to the xkcd website and augment Randall's hits, and thus his ego. Thanks.

Semicolons: possibly, though I doubt it's a long-term trend. I think he's reached a basic level of bad and there are occasional high and low points but otherwise it's neither improving nor getting worse.

Yokel: the only reason I don't is because I'm kind of lazy and don't usually feel like writing the HTML for three whole image files. I will consider this, however.

Now what starts with the letter "C"?"Cancer" starts with "C"!Let's think of other things that starts with "C"!Uh. . .Uh. . . Who cares about da other things?!

"C" is for cancer that's good enough for me,"C" is for cancer that's good enough for me,"C" is for cancer that's good enough for me,Oh! cancer, cancer, cancer starts with "C"!

Hey, You know what? A round breast with one bite out of it looks like a "C"A round tumor with one bite out of it also looks like a "C" but it is not as good as milkbags.Oh, and the cavity where Megan's breasts used to be sometimes looks like a "C" but you can't eat that.So...

If one does 'something interesting' with the absurd can it still be defined as absurd? Will it still be ridiculously unreasonable, unsound, or incongruous? Will it still have no rational or orderly relationship to human life? Will it still retain that aura of meaninglessness?

I think 942 is more about how the guy dismisses the balls floating in the air even though it's far more interesting than just juggling them just because it's not what he intended to learn from the book.

So it looks like Megan is trying to get Randall to tie the knot before cancer takes her. And that Randall is acquiescing. Oh by the way, did you know you can run a Google Image search for "Dr. Cameron from House" and see some pictures of Randall?

The juggling joke would be funny with good execution. If the classic old timey comedians could make having glue on their hands and sticking to everything they touch be funny, the same can be done with sticky air catching airborne objects. I bet the Three Stooges or Buster Keaton could have shown Randall how to make his joke good.

I hate Google's current search system. Sometimes-- pretty much all the time, in fact-- the specific words I type in are the specific words I want to have found. I don't want to have to put fucking quotation marks around my words to emphasize that fact. I also want the pages containing every single one of the words that I searched for to take priority. I don't want those pages to be ranked below pages that you guess are more relevant to my needs even though they contain no reference to the actually-very-key word "coprophagy." Fucking Google.

You Could Do Better Than ThatIf you are looking for a chance to try your hand at improving new xkcd comics, head over to our sister site at XKCD: Could Be Better! and re-write the comics with your own, much funnier, dialog. It's pretty fun, so go do it. do it.

Oh and your new comics will look super-authentic if you use a certain font....

If you are looking for a chance to try your hand at improving new xkcd comics, head over to our sister site at XKCD: Could Be Better! and re-write the comics with your own, much funnier, dialog. It's pretty fun, so go do it. do it.

Man, that forum hasn't had an update in six months. If you want to improve xkcd, you should do it as a submission for the "xkcd Sucks Less" feature of the other xkcd hate blog. Just post links in the comments or email them to me (my address is in my profile).

well, the part about it that amuses me is that it's something I would never do (constantly and desperately advertising the blog that I maintain in the comments thread of the blog I am ripping off). some people have no standards apparently

I would almost suggest he's trolling because as soon as you see his name, you know there's going to be a link to his shit blog in it. But he never showed any trolling tendencies before, so I can only assume he really is just that pathetic.

Comics, Uh, 941-943, Maybe: TRIPLE FEATURE!!!I'd have gotten these reviews up earlier but I got a new computer so I've been playing video games and having fun rather than paying attention to you fat slobs, but the time for that is over! Except it's not. Anyway:

941. On the whole this one was reasonably solid, though I felt it could have done without the whole pseudo-scientific explanation for his improved-perspective-goggles. He has yet to learn that when he's trying to rip off ASW he needs to be brief. But I'm sure I would have liked it before I devoted all of my waking hours to hating XKCD.

It's even started haunting my dreams.

942. Wouldn't it be wacky if when you threw juggling balls up in the air they just hung there instead of gravity working???

As much as I love absurdist fiction, Randy is terrible at it. The absurd isn't presented as any sort of commentary on life or reality, but instead as the point of the joke: "ha ha ha the balls don't fall down" (I know, I know). And then "well this book is dumb it doesn't tell me what to do when I can't reach my balls." Do something interesting with the absurd, Randy, and your comics about it might not be shitty.

943. Randy likes us to think that he is so scientifically-minded that when he is presented with a request, he interprets it as a scientific question. He does this because he is quirky and wacky and nerdy! I guess he's just going along with this marriage experiment because he is curious as to whether it will actually happen. It has nothing to do with the milky bounty that awaits him when he finally implants his hot porn star daughter in Megan's womb.Posted by Rob

Comic 944: Hurricane Lames Title: Hurricane Names; alt-text: After exhausting the OED, we started numbering them. When overlapping hurricanes formed at all points on the Earth's surface, and our scheme was foiled by Cantor diagonalization, we just decided to name them all "Steve". Your local forecast tomorrow is "Steve"

Hey guys, did you know that funny == random? Randall sure does! Just throw in some words like "eggbeater" (itself HILARIOUS, provably hilarious) and call it a day! Why waste time with a joke when you can just say, "Oh man, if there were too many hurricanes, the naming conventions would break down and suddenly become WILD AND WACKY"?

To be fair to Randall, Hurricane Irene is still around, so he's at least topical this time. (More like TROPICAL, right? Tropical storm? ...Guys?) Given his past record, I honestly would've expected a comic like this to show up sometime in December. Guess he's improving.

However, that doesn't excuse the flaw mentioned above, or the secondary flaw of just being too darn wordy. Happily, he's buried most of the superfluous text in the alt-text, because by the time you've finished reading through it, the joke has been murdered and dismembered. It's dead. It's like saying, "Why did the hamster cross the road? Because it was tied to the chicken! Ha! Haha! ...You see guys, this particular hamster had been the subject of an awful twine accident involving an underpaid farmhand, a jug of moonshine, and an excess of free time. It all began when..."

Great, we get it. It's not funny anymore. Just tell the joke and call it good, Randall. Quit while you're ahead (or at least not so far behind).

P.S. I've already received one "xkcd Sucks Less" submission for this strip, and, as expected, it does indeed suck less. Great! Keep them coming, people! If you've got an improvement to a particular comic, just email it to me or post it in a comment.

Plus you're only doing it because you're an attention whore. Don't feel bad, I was the same once, elsewhere.

Yeah, that must be the reason that I didn't have any desire to make my own blog when Carl was posting, why I started this off as a joint effort, and why I'm actively trying to get other people involved in the site.

Running a hate blog is a bigger time sink than Rob would have you believe, and if other people took over, or at least offered guest posts, I would happily let them. I'm not doing this for myself; I'm doing it because the reviews here suck absolute balls.

I can't tell if the hurricane comic is supposed to be Randal's own fears about this hurricane - in which case he, like most of New England, really blew Irene out of proportion - or if he's mocking those very same concerns that most of NE had, in which case hurray for irony?

Gamer, it's like you're trying to be like Carl, but failing very hard. You're taking your reviews too seriously, which is boring unless you're actually a really good writer. Rob's are interesting because he doesn't really give a shit.

And also, Carl didn't go around spamming this blog. No matter how you try to justify it, everyone else will only see one thing: You contribute nothing in your comments here except to promote your blog. And that will always be annoying. That makes you like those Christian types who go into sinful places and tell everyone about the Bible because you and only you can save their ignorant souls.

What everyone has long since concluded(and that even includes Carl!), O Gamer of the year two thousand and four, is that reviews of xkcd have become pointless and basically a fucking drag somewhere around #700 or so.The art sucks. The lines sound unnatural. Floating heads. Megan. Pandering. Grade school science. Post Punchline Dialog Syndrome. Add a dash of cancer and two cups of Randall's hot porn star daughter Crystal's sweet sweet breast milk, and you have basically every xkcd review ever written. There's no point to writing six paragraphs for every new comic and repeating the exact same thing all over agin 944 times, you aspergeroid dumbfuck. Carl realized this, that's why he quit. Rob realizes this too, that's why he keeps posting shitty one-liner reviews-with the same flaws present in every xkcd strip, any further elaboration is superfluous, a waste of everyone's time. The reviews here only set the groung for the blog's sole reason for existing in the last year or so: the comment threads! Where the the glittering diamonds of hate keep glittering, where the titty milk keeps flowing, where, unlike Megan's bosom, there's no such thing as too much cancer. An active hateblog community, which has no reason so much as to glimpse toward your pathetic, aspergerian waste of time. What do you hope for, everyone going "OH HEY THAT DUDE'S RIGHT, XKCD'S ART REALLY IS PRETTY BAD AND, COME TO THINK OF IT, THE JOKES ARE SOMEWHAT STALE!"? Critique of xkcd has become superfluous three years ago dude, now there's only hate. Move the fuck on already.tl;dr shut the fuck up about your aspergerian, unnecessary, retarded fucking waste-of-time blog that no one will ever read.ps. MUCH LOVE FJOR MY BROS ROB AND CARLpps. shave that fucking neckbeard already you ugly fuck

but the thing is i am putting like no effort at all into this and the commenting has remained steady over time. whereas gamer is all like 'I AM SPENDING A LOT OF TIME ON THE VERY SERIOUS AND IMPORTANT BUSINESS OF WHINING ABOUT A WEBCOMIC' and sometimes the old lady down the street stops by to check and see if he's all right and invite him over for supper

What the hell is this?

Welcome. This is a website called XKCD SUCKS which is about the webcomic xkcd and why we think it sucks. My name is Carl and I used to write about it all the time, then I stopped because I went insane, and now other people write about it all the time. I forget their names. The posts still seem to be coming regularly, but many of the structural elements - like all the stuff in this lefthand pane - are a bit outdated. What can I say? Insane, etc.

I started this site because it had been clear to me for a while that xkcd is no longer a great webcomic (though it once was). Alas, many of its fans are too caught up in the faux-nerd culture that xkcd is a part of, and can't bring themselves to admit that the comic, at this point, is terrible. While I still like a new comic on occasion, I feel that more and more of them need the Iron Finger of Mockery knowingly pointed at them. This used to be called "XKCD: Overrated", but then it fell from just being overrated to being just horrible. Thus, xkcd sucks.

Here is a comic about me that Ann made. It is my favorite thing in the world.

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When he's not flipping a shit over prescriptivist and descriptivist uses of language, xkcdsucks' very own Rob likes writing long blocks of text about specific subjects. Here are some of his excellent refutations of common responses to this site. Think of them as a sort of in-depth FAQ, for people inclined to disagree with this site.