Tag: victimhood

Life Coaching: Do Clients That Suffer Really ‘Ask’ For it?

In my life coaching practice in Tunbridge Wells, Kent, when listening to clients’ stories, I listen not to the content of their story, but to the context and structure. How did they get into this situation/mess? Or, How do they do that (the issue)? Basic life coaching will simply work on those levels, which is fine. But, if one really listens, the client will also talk about how the issue ‘wounds’ them, but gets missed by the life coach or even by therapists.

On this deeper level, you can then ask how has the wound continued to pop up through out their lives way before the issue that they came to seek help for? Their life script! But when did this wound really start, could they somehow have brought the wound into this lifetime? Now, we’re really going even deeper to their core ‘wounding’. And deeper still, could we therefore all not only have chosen our wounding but also our parents before birth?

In a previous article I wrote about ‘Do We Plan Our Life Challenges Before Birth?’ And is also worth reading to shed more light on the subject.

However, this is not readily accepted by the average person’s belief system of having to experience something to believe it, after all ‘seeing is believing’. Or is it? Can we really trust our perception of events if we project outwards, after generalising, distorting and deleting the information in our brains?

The subject raised is of course a vast one of the evolutionary expansion of the brain, and if you have not already read it I would suggest you read Deepak Chopra’s and Rudolph Tanzi’s ‘Super Brain’, 20012, for the relationship of mind, brain and consciousness. Another useful book is Llyn Roberts ‘Shaping Shifting Into Higher Consciousness’, 2010.

The first issue of choosing one’s parents before birth, I cannot do better than refer you to the incarnation process and soul counselling before conception as have been described by Mme Blazatsky, Alice Bailey, Phoebe Benedict and Eva Pierrakos and apparently depends upon:

1. The maturity of the incoming soul, and

2. The expectant parent with providing the needed life experiences for the fulfilment of the future life task of their child.

So here we come to people’s/client’s need to experience and their (non) belief system. I would first ask:

What is an experience for? The answer has been given, as ‘Every experience is a way to understand and move towards a greater awareness of our journey of inner growth towards Oneness.’ But no experience happens by chance and everything has higher purpose and meaning so the goal is out of separatism into wholeness. A Course In Miracles says, “The choice of the goal is mine, I chose the feelings I experience and I am responsible for what I see”(my reality).

So the problems and painful experiences I encounter through life are:

1. Inherited as part of my soul task, and

2. From my early conditioning and these wounds are named by at least three writers as: Rejection, Abandonment, Humiliation, Betrayal, and Injustice.

And my attitude towards life or belief system about the world is filtered through a mind-set of feelings, thoughts, ideas, and memories that effect my perceptions.

A Course In Miracles says, ‘The atonement (Oneness) might be equated with total escape from the Past and total lack of interest in the Future.’ Heaven is here, now. It is our one responsible to except this atonement. If our intention directs our development process towards healing, wholeness/home this is our life purpose and our unconscious mind will bring into consciousness outer life opportunities for growth.

To say you cannot believe in anything you have not experience is perhaps saying some experiences are too painful to face and victimhood is preferable to the responsibilities of empowerment.

I therefore suggest we all consider which type of wounding resonates with you the most and reflect on the mask you have chosen to wear to hide from the problems you have yet to solve.

These masks maybe of:

Withdrawal,

Dependence,

Masochism (emotional/mental abuse),

Control, or

Rigidity/Denial

Ref: Lise Bourbeau ‘Heal Your Wounds and Find Your True Self’ 2001.

I hope this addresses a small part of our questions. I like to go much deeper than your average life coach in Tunbridge Wells, Kent. I’ve had too within my own life otherwise our stuff (wounds) will keep on resurfacing!

“In every work of genius, we recognize our own rejected thoughts; they come back to us with a certain alienated majesty.”

~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

’til we meet again,

Walk in Beauty;
Walk in Peace.

‘Causing the Miraculous by Spreading Beauty, Truth & Harmony‘

Johnathan Brooks, MAC, PG Dip is a Life Coach who has trained in a wide range of personal development treatment methods including the “Power Therapies” (CBT Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (postgrad), EFT Emotional Freedom Technique, Master NLP Neuro Linguistic Programming) and has a Post Graduate Diploma in ‘Coaching and NLP’ which he passed with a ‘Commendation’. And is based in Tunbridge Wells, Kent.

He is a full member of the Association for Coaching (MAC) and is a Gold member of The Professional Guild of NLP.

In my life coaching practice in Tunbridge Wells, Kent, when listening to clients’ stories, I listen not to the content of their story, but to the context and structure. How did they get into this situation/mess? Or, How do they do that (the issue)? Basic life coaching will simply work on those levels, which is fine. But, if one really listens, the client will also talk about how the issue ‘wounds’ them, but gets missed by the life coach or even by therapists.

On this deeper level, you can then ask how has the wound continued to pop up through out their lives way before the issue that they came to seek help for? Their life script! But when did this wound really start, could they somehow have brought the wound into this lifetime? Now, we’re really going even deeper to their core ‘wounding’. And deeper still, could we therefore all not only have chosen our wounding but also our parents before birth?

In a previous article I wrote about ‘Do We Plan Our Life Challenges Before Birth?’ And is also worth reading to shed more light on the subject.

However, this is not readily accepted by the average person’s belief system of having to experience something to believe it, after all ‘seeing is believing’. Or is it? Can we really trust our perception of events if we project outwards, after generalising, distorting and deleting the information in our brains?

The subject raised is of course a vast one of the evolutionary expansion of the brain, and if you have not already read it I would suggest you read Deepak Chopra’s and Rudolph Tanzi’s ‘Super Brain’, 20012, for the relationship of mind, brain and consciousness. Another useful book is Llyn Roberts ‘Shaping Shifting Into Higher Consciousness’, 2010.

The first issue of choosing one’s parents before birth, I cannot do better than refer you to the incarnation process and soul counselling before conception as have been described by Mme Blazatsky, Alice Bailey, Phoebe Benedict and Eva Pierrakos and apparently depends upon:

1. The maturity of the incoming soul, and

2. The expectant parent with providing the needed life experiences for the fulfilment of the future life task of their child.

So here we come to people’s/client’s need to experience and their (non) belief system. I would first ask:

What is an experience for? The answer has been given, as ‘Every experience is a way to understand and move towards a greater awareness of our journey of inner growth towards Oneness.’ But no experience happens by chance and everything has higher purpose and meaning so the goal is out of separatism into wholeness. A Course In Miracles says, “The choice of the goal is mine, I chose the feelings I experience and I am responsible for what I see”(my reality).

So the problems and painful experiences I encounter through life are:

1. Inherited as part of my soul task, and

2. From my early conditioning and these wounds are named by at least three writers as: Rejection, Abandonment, Humiliation, Betrayal, and Injustice.

And my attitude towards life or belief system about the world is filtered through a mind-set of feelings, thoughts, ideas, and memories that effect my perceptions.

A Course In Miracles says, ‘The atonement (Oneness) might be equated with total escape from the Past and total lack of interest in the Future.’ Heaven is here, now. It is our one responsible to except this atonement. If our intention directs our development process towards healing, wholeness/home this is our life purpose and our unconscious mind will bring into consciousness outer life opportunities for growth.

To say you cannot believe in anything you have not experience is perhaps saying some experiences are too painful to face and victimhood is preferable to the responsibilities of empowerment.

I therefore suggest we all consider which type of wounding resonates with you the most and reflect on the mask you have chosen to wear to hide from the problems you have yet to solve.

These masks maybe of:

Withdrawal,

Dependence,

Masochism (emotional/mental abuse),

Control, or

Rigidity/Denial

Ref: Lise Bourbeau ‘Heal Your Wounds and Find Your True Self’ 2001.

I hope this addresses a small part of our questions. I like to go much deeper than your average life coach in Tunbridge Wells, Kent. I’ve had too within my own life otherwise our stuff (wounds) will keep on resurfacing!

“In every work of genius, we recognize our own rejected thoughts; they come back to us with a certain alienated majesty.”

~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

’til we meet again,

Walk in Beauty;
Walk in Peace.

‘Causing the Miraculous by Spreading Beauty, Truth & Harmony‘

Johnathan Brooks, MAC, PG Dip is a Life Coach who has trained in a wide range of personal development treatment methods including the “Power Therapies” (CBT Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (postgrad), EFT Emotional Freedom Technique, Master NLP Neuro Linguistic Programming) and has a Post Graduate Diploma in ‘Coaching and NLP’ which he passed with a ‘Commendation’. And is based in Tunbridge Wells, Kent.

He is a full member of the Association for Coaching (MAC) and is a Gold member of The Professional Guild of NLP.

In my life coaching practice in Tunbridge Wells, Kent, when listening to clients’ stories, I listen not to the content of their story, but to the context and structure. How did they get into this situation/mess? Or, How do they do that (the issue)? Basic life coaching will simply work on those levels, which is fine. But, if one really listens, the client will also talk about how the issue ‘wounds’ them, but gets missed by the life coach or even by therapists.

On this deeper level, you can then ask how has the wound continued to pop up through out their lives way before the issue that they came to seek help for? Their life script! But when did this wound really start, could they somehow have brought the wound into this lifetime? Now, we’re really going even deeper to their core ‘wounding’. And deeper still, could we therefore all not only have chosen our wounding but also our parents before birth?

In a previous article I wrote about ‘Do We Plan Our Life Challenges Before Birth?’ And is also worth reading to shed more light on the subject.

However, this is not readily accepted by the average person’s belief system of having to experience something to believe it, after all ‘seeing is believing’. Or is it? Can we really trust our perception of events if we project outwards, after generalising, distorting and deleting the information in our brains?

The subject raised is of course a vast one of the evolutionary expansion of the brain, and if you have not already read it I would suggest you read Deepak Chopra’s and Rudolph Tanzi’s ‘Super Brain’, 20012, for the relationship of mind, brain and consciousness. Another useful book is Llyn Roberts ‘Shaping Shifting Into Higher Consciousness’, 2010.

The first issue of choosing one’s parents before birth, I cannot do better than refer you to the incarnation process and soul counselling before conception as have been described by Mme Blazatsky, Alice Bailey, Phoebe Benedict and Eva Pierrakos and apparently depends upon:

1. The maturity of the incoming soul, and

2. The expectant parent with providing the needed life experiences for the fulfilment of the future life task of their child.

So here we come to people’s/client’s need to experience and their (non) belief system. I would first ask:

What is an experience for? The answer has been given, as ‘Every experience is a way to understand and move towards a greater awareness of our journey of inner growth towards Oneness.’ But no experience happens by chance and everything has higher purpose and meaning so the goal is out of separatism into wholeness. A Course In Miracles says, “The choice of the goal is mine, I chose the feelings I experience and I am responsible for what I see”(my reality).

So the problems and painful experiences I encounter through life are:

1. Inherited as part of my soul task, and

2. From my early conditioning and these wounds are named by at least three writers as: Rejection, Abandonment, Humiliation, Betrayal, and Injustice.

And my attitude towards life or belief system about the world is filtered through a mind-set of feelings, thoughts, ideas, and memories that effect my perceptions.

A Course In Miracles says, ‘The atonement (Oneness) might be equated with total escape from the Past and total lack of interest in the Future.’ Heaven is here, now. It is our one responsible to except this atonement. If our intention directs our development process towards healing, wholeness/home this is our life purpose and our unconscious mind will bring into consciousness outer life opportunities for growth.

To say you cannot believe in anything you have not experience is perhaps saying some experiences are too painful to face and victimhood is preferable to the responsibilities of empowerment.

I therefore suggest we all consider which type of wounding resonates with you the most and reflect on the mask you have chosen to wear to hide from the problems you have yet to solve.

These masks maybe of:

Withdrawal,

Dependence,

Masochism (emotional/mental abuse),

Control, or

Rigidity/Denial

Ref: Lise Bourbeau ‘Heal Your Wounds and Find Your True Self’ 2001.

I hope this addresses a small part of our questions. I like to go much deeper than your average life coach in Tunbridge Wells, Kent. I’ve had too within my own life otherwise our stuff (wounds) will keep on resurfacing!

“In every work of genius, we recognize our own rejected thoughts; they come back to us with a certain alienated majesty.”

~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

’til we meet again,

Walk in Beauty;
Walk in Peace.

‘Causing the Miraculous by Spreading Beauty, Truth & Harmony‘

Johnathan Brooks, MAC, PG Dip is a Life Coach who has trained in a wide range of personal development treatment methods including the “Power Therapies” (CBT Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (postgrad), EFT Emotional Freedom Technique, Master NLP Neuro Linguistic Programming) and has a Post Graduate Diploma in ‘Coaching and NLP’ which he passed with a ‘Commendation’. And is based in Tunbridge Wells, Kent.

He is a full member of the Association for Coaching (MAC) and is a Gold member of The Professional Guild of NLP.

Now is the time of the winter solstice and new birth, and at this beginning of another cycle of the son’s return to inspire and invigorate us, we have the choice to change and grow. Each year, we have the opportunity to learn from the pains and anxieties that have so far both dominated and restricted our daily lives, and start to see them from a less ego centered negative perspective.

This shift in perception can be a sudden event, but for most of us it means setting our feet on a path, which has (usually) seven stages. These stages are my people (Native Americans) called a Sacred Hoop of Learning, taking them forward to the place where we all began and where mankind knew itself to be a Unity.

Each traditional teaching has given us its own way of learning the value of each step on the path. For Native Americans, the metaphor of the ‘whirling rainbow’ of seven coloured lights is used to cleanse and heal those negativities, which dog our path on the way to the golden door of Unity.

In a similar way the use of coloured lights to decorate Christmas trees, symbol of the Tree of Life, lead eyes upwards to a white or golden star of enlightenment at its topmost branch. The symbol of the medicine wheel with its seven stages named after the points of the compass and above, below and within, allows us to see how we may move forward towards life of greater Trust, Abundance and Compassion; while Christianity speaks of seven negativities (or sins) being replaced by Seven Graces or Gifts of the Spirit, which are embodied in Jesus as representing the true essence of mankind. This is the Love and Goodwill towards all Creation, which we celebrate on his birthday.

Wishing you all a MERRY Christmas and may the New Year bring Love, Joy and Compassion to you.

’til we meet again,

Walk in Beauty;
Walk in Peace.

‘Causing the Miraculous by Spreading Beauty, Truth & Harmony‘

Johnathan Brooks, MAC, PG Dip is a Life Coach who has trained in a wide range of personal development treatment methods including the “Power Therapies” (CBT Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (postgrad), EFT Emotional Freedom Technique, Master NLP Neuro Linguistic Programming) and has a Post Graduate Diploma in ‘Coaching and NLP’ which he passed with a ‘Commendation’. And is based in Tunbridge Wells, Kent.

He is a full member of the Association for Coaching (MAC), Gold member of The Professional Guild of NLP and a member of the European Mentoring & Coaching Council.

As we reach the third weekend of January 2014, most people who made a New Year’s resolution will struggle to keep it. According to the Evolution Fresh Survey, it found that more than 46 million Americans admit to struggling with their New Year’s resolutions by the third week of January.

While the research from the University of Hertfordshire (UK) shows that only 1 in 10 of those who set goals in January are successful.

So how is your New Year’s resolution going?

As I said in part I of this two-part New Year’s resolution special, setting specific goals is the first and important step in getting more of what you want in the year to come. But it’s not the only step. The next steps involve making those goals happen, because as I remind my clients personal coaching in Tunbridge Wells, Kent, these things don’t happen on their own. You have to put in your share of the work too.

What this means is, taking each of your goals and breaking them down into smaller action steps that you can take toward making those goals happen. So, using the goal set out in part I of this special—saving £1,000 by December 31, 2014—how will you save that money? Work 10 extra hours a month? Eat dinner at home 5 nights a week instead of 6? Spend date night renting a movie at home instead of going to the theatre? Reign in holiday gift spending? Install a thermostat and keep the heat down when you’re asleep and out of the house?

Whatever you choose, something needs to change in order for change to occur. You can’t do everything the same and expect a simple statement of purpose to reel your goals in for you. You need to participate. Fortunately, as the above examples should show you, there an unlimited number of ways you can implement change in order to help make your goal and reality. You just have to choose. And if you don’t, there’s a good chance that choice will be made for you. Or, more likely perhaps, you simply won’t achieve said goal.

The goal given as an example in this special two-part post wasn’t chosen blithely. Invariably, most goals somehow involve money. But money is simply energy, a symbol of value or worth. You can’t manifest a symbol. But you can manifest the value that symbol represents for you. In other words, you manifest stuff, situations, experiences.

Therefore, whatever your goal, I leave you with this last bit of New Year’s resolution money wisdom, once you’ve started instituting the changes you’ve chosen in order to make the money available to you for the things you want, figure out what you will do with those incremental savings so that you don’t just spend it on something else. It’s wise to calculate the pound/dollar amount you’ll be saving by making those changes and then taking that money out of your account as if you were spending it and placing it in a separate account or secure location earmarked for your goal. Seeing that account or envelope building will most assuredly help it to keep growing bigger and faster from there.

’til we meet again,

Walk in Beauty;
Walk in Peace.

‘Causing the Miraculous by Spreading Beauty, Truth & Harmony‘

Johnathan Brooks, MAC, PG Dip is a Life Coach who has trained in a wide range of personal development treatment methods including the “Power Therapies” (CBT Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (postgrad), EFT Emotional Freedom Technique, Master NLP Neuro Linguistic Programming) and has a Post Graduate Diploma in ‘Coaching and NLP’ which he passed with a ‘Commendation’. And is based in Tunbridge Wells, Kent.

He is a full member of the Association for Coaching (MAC) and is a Gold member of The Professional Guild of NLP.

As we reach another New Year’s Eve, it’s time to look back on how well we have (or haven’t, as the case may be) achieved our goals of the previous year, and look ahead to how we can achieve more of what we want in the coming year. Sadly, many people find at this time that they’ve fallen far short of their expectations for themselves over the previous year, a fact that’s given New Year’s resolutions a bad name. But the truth is, with millions of people worldwide all setting intentions for the year ahead, there’s no better time to put your energy into the mix and benefit from group intention. So how do you do it in a way that works? How do you set New Year’s resolutions that stick?

The first and most important step is setting specific goals. The more specific you can be about what you want, the easier it is to achieve it, and the more likely you are to be successful in achieving it. For example, a goal of saving £1,000 by December 31, 2014 is a lot more useful than a goal of saving more. Why is this?

Because when we get specific, we put our minds to work. You want to save more? Fine. How much more? Why? What do you plan to use that money for? Why £1,000 and not £500 or £2,000? Why December and not September? All of these questions, and more, come into play when getting specific about your goal. And when you put your mind to work answering these questions, you put more of that psychic, magnetic, manifestation energy out into the universe to help attract that goal to you.

What’s more, getting specific about your goal helps you visualise the achievement of that goal. You want £1,000 to start your child’s college fund? In order to come up with that answer, you actually had to imagine your child going to college, visualise her getting her education, her diploma up there in cap and gown, her first job. Maybe you want £1,000 to redo your bathroom. That gets you visualising the bathroom you want, and that visualisation is what helps draw to you the money necessary to make it happen.

As I tell my clients life coaching in Tunbridge Wells, Kent, the more you know precisely what you want, the easier it is to get it. Use New Year’s 2014 as an opportunity to get more in touch with what you really want. And then hop on the global psychic manifestation energy train of people worldwide making New Year’s resolutions too, and put the power of group intention to work for you.

Wishing you all a HAPPY and ABUNDANT New Year!

’til we meet again,

Walk in Beauty;
Walk in Peace.

‘Causing the Miraculous by Spreading Beauty, Truth & Harmony‘

Johnathan Brooks, MAC, PG Dip is a Life Coach who has trained in a wide range of personal development treatment methods including the “Power Therapies” (CBT Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (postgrad), EFT Emotional Freedom Technique, Master NLP Neuro Linguistic Programming) and has a Post Graduate Diploma in ‘Coaching and NLP’ which he passed with a ‘Commendation’. And is based in Tunbridge Wells, Kent.

He is a full member of the Association for Coaching (MAC) and is a Gold member of The Professional Guild of NLP.

All manifested things have meaning. If our word cannot express the truth of what they mean, we may ignore their significance and lose out on life energy, love, enthusiasm and growth.

Is this what we are doing to ourselves?

How many of the Christmas cards that have fallen through your letterbox have pictures of trees and stars? A good proportion I imagine.

And yet, inspite of all these representations of the Tree of Life and Light, which we send once a year to remind ourselves that our lives and all life has meaning and purpose and needs renewing, many still say the true spirit of Christmas has been lost.

Perhaps it is not the spirit and meaning of Christmas we have so lately lost. Rather, it maybe our understanding of the international language of symbols, used universally from time immemorial that we have chosen to forget in our left brained world. When words become inadequate to encompass and express the full meaning of those deepest truths all men learn from life’s direct experiences, a symbol can give an immediate apprehension of a many-levelled wholeness of meaning that is shared.

As an example for today – at it’s highest meaning and universally, and evergreen tree can symbolise man’s undying spirit, or even immortality. Like all trees it also means shelter, nourishment and protection. At the lowest level, it can merely mean somewhere to hang our baubles. There are levels between these two. Can you enlarge on their meaningfulness for you, until you sense their inner truths?

Again – for some a star is just a star, a pin point of light – a mere irrelevance in their lives, but for others and for universal man it has always meant a portal to the heavens, and access to divine guidance and chance to grow into realms beyond the physical and into a greater understanding of the oneness of creation. How far does this apply to you?

Perhaps we should look more closely at our Christmas cards, as well as acts all life manifestations and search for the message they really carry. If we can recognise their truth and inner meaning we may become inspired with purposefulness on our journey towards next year’s Christmas season.

Unless of course, we prefer the status quo stasis.

Wishing you all a MERRY Christmas and may the New Year bring Love, Joy and Compassion to you.

’til we meet again,

Walk in Beauty;
Walk in Peace.

‘Causing the Miraculous by Spreading Beauty, Truth & Harmony‘

Johnathan Brooks, MAC, PG Dip is a Life Coach who has trained in a wide range of personal development treatment methods including the “Power Therapies” (CBT Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (postgrad), EFT Emotional Freedom Technique, Master NLP Neuro Linguistic Programming) and has a Post Graduate Diploma in ‘Coaching and NLP’ which he passed with a ‘Commendation’. And is based in Tunbridge Wells, Kent.

He is a full member of the Association for Coaching (MAC) and is a Gold member of The Professional Guild of NLP.

At my daughter’s local primary school in Tunbridge Wells, the Principal Head asked me to come for an hour one to one life coaching meeting with him to discuss how to build resilience in children. He had noticed over the last few year’s that the resilience in the children had deteriorated. He was concerned that many parents were putting their children under immense pressure to pass the 11 plus as we were in the grammar system area. Self harming was on the increase to 1 in 60 pupils at the school at about the age of ten, which is when the 11 plus is taken.

I was also invited to a parent forum to discuss resilience with the aim of possible content for a school booklet on the subject to help parents raise resilient children. The booklet is still an on going process. Listening to the parents complain to the Principal Head about why their child didn’t make the football team or the gymnastics team made me see how the backgrounds and negative beliefs of the parents is projected onto their children.

For example, if your son wasn’t selected for the football team and you realised that all of the selected boys birthdays were pre-christmas and your son is a post-christmas birthdate, it may well be that the six months difference in strength, speed and skill is big. But if you then tell your son this, will this empower him or give him the sense of ‘hopelessness’ and feel that it’s not worth trying? When perhaps, simply asking your son ‘So what are you going to do about it?’ allows him to take responsibility and teaches him to look for a solution for himself, rather than arguing with the school as a strategy to get your way, a model that your son would then learn from you, who then possibly becomes one of the unpleasant members in society who screams in playgrounds/parks/streets or later in the workplace as a means of getting what they want.

This got me thinking for a blog article.

One of the most difficult things a parent, guardian or teacher has to endure is watching the children they love struggle with change, adversity and loss. We can’t protect them from the realities of life, we realise in these helpless moments. But what we can do is raise our children to be resilient in such realities.

What Makes a Child Resilient

In the extensive “A Guide to Promoting Resilience in Children” by Edith H. Grotberg, Ph.D. of The International Resilience Project, children draw on 3 “sources of resilience”:

What and whom they HAVE around them for structure, safety and support. This includes trustworthy relationships, structure in their home, positive role models, encouragement toward autonomy, and access to the necessities of their health, education, security and welfare.

Who they ARE as a person that makes them safe and secure in their world. This includes feeling loved and lovable, developing compassion and empathy, pride in oneself, self-responsibility, and a positive attitude.

What they CAN do to affect their own safety and security. This includes skills in communication, problem solving, impulse control, dealing responsibly with emotions, measuring the emotional “temperature” of themselves and others, and seeking help from the right people at the right times.

Another way Dr. Grotberg describes these qualities is as: Love, Inner Strength, and Interpersonal Skills.

In order for a child to be as resilient as possible to all circumstances, all three of these sources of resilience — love, inner strength, and interpersonal skills — must be developed to their fullest. Children must have a support system on hand to go through their toughest (and brightest) experiences with them. Children must develop the qualities of being and self-awareness required for resilience (e.g. respect for others, self-responsibility, positive attitude, willingness to help). And children must be able and empowered to interact effectively with the world in which they live (e.g. talking about their problems, controlling their negative impulses, seeking help when needed).

The American Psychological Association lists “10 Tips for building resilience in children and teens” on their website filled with great common-sense advice that we often overlook, or forget how much it matters.

This includes:

creating a daily routine and sticking to it

promoting good hygiene and self-care

speaking openly and honestly about the inevitability of change

helping your child to build strong relationships and help other people

’til we meet again,

Walk in Beauty;
Walk in Peace.

‘Causing the Miraculous by Spreading Beauty, Truth & Harmony‘

Johnathan Brooks, MAC, PG Dip is a Life Coach who has trained in a wide range of personal development treatment methods including the “Power Therapies” (CBT Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (postgrad), EFT Emotional Freedom Technique, Master NLP Neuro Linguistic Programming) and has a Post Graduate Diploma in ‘Coaching and NLP’ which he passed with a ‘Commendation’. And is based in Tunbridge Wells, Kent.

He is a full member of the Association for Coaching (MAC) and is a Gold member of The Professional Guild of NLP.

On my return of my very first trip back from the Northern Cheyenne Reservation, summer of 1985, I had seen first hand what alcohol had done to the Native Americans. It took over four weeks back in Kent, England before I would touch a drop of alcohol again. I even thought for a while that pubs were blood money, I had that much anger about what it had done to my people.

One summer, I had a romance with a descendant of a famous Chief, by the following summer, when I went to visit her to let her know that I was back, her parents had no idea where she was and she hadn’t been back home for a few days. So I asked the younger brothers and sisters where she was and borrowed the parent’s pick-up truck to look for her. The kids would never tell their parents where she was, but would tell me.

We found her in the middle nowhere, as far as I was concerned, in what is called a ‘party house’, usually windows broken and really just a drinker’s den. She was lying asleep in the sweltering August afternoon heat and in the other room lay another older woman, both comatosed. I lifted and carried the daughter and dumped her in the back of the pick-up and drove her home. The parents pleased with my find, put her into her bedroom to sleep. There was nothing more I could do so I returned a couple of days later to see how she was to find that she was gone again. She had chosen alcohol over seeing me again. What a difference, twelve months make. So I left it, I wasn’t going down that road with her, I had to be strong.

It’s true to say on the physical level that alcohol is addictive and effects the emotional level as well. But you could also say that there’s an alcohol problem if it effects your relationships.

Many spiritual leaders and mind-body specialists now believe alcoholism is a physical manifestation of a rejection and denial of the Self. According to this perspective many alcoholics tend to be fleeing themselves or some part of themselves, refusing to confront their deep-rooted fear and shame, self-loathing, and/or inadequacy to love themselves.

Understandably, this mode of belief appears to challenge the notion that alcoholism is a disease over which the afflicted has no control. One problem with that notion, however, is that it feeds into the sense most alcoholics have of being “out of control” over themselves and their lives. Dealing with alcoholism from a mind-body perspective empowers the individual to affect positive, proactive changes in their innermost being that will presumably then reflect outwardly in positive, proactive change in their lives.

As an exercise for dealing with alcoholism on a spiritual level, try this:

1. Find a private room where you can lock the door and will not be disturbed.

2. Stand in front of a mirror – a full-length mirror is best. It is also best if you are naked, but this is something you can work up to as you practice this exercise over time.

3. Look yourself in the eyes and say aloud: “I love you.”

4. Now stay silent and breathe and listen to the denials, objections, rejections, refusals, contradictions, mockery, and all other negative statements that come up between you and the full acceptance of this statement.

5. Without judgment, without reaction, simply take a deep breathe into your belly and release all that negativity with a loud, expulsive sigh: “Ahh!”

6. Then look yourself in the eyes again, and again make that same statement aloud, “I love you.” It’s important to find something good about yourself, because you are a part of life. If you can’t love yourself, then you can’t love life.

7. Repeat Steps 5 and 6 until you are able to hear that statement and take it in without judgment, without rejection, without negation. It may take some time, but it will happen.

The beauty of this exercise is that it helps inure you to the triggers for alcoholic behaviour while working to reshape the very patterns of thought and feeling that fed this beast alcohol addiction. The more you look those patterns in the face, the weaker that beast becomes and the less power it has over you.

Also, EFT really helps with addictions. Please feel free to call me at my Tunbridge Wells, Kent life coaching practice if you’d like a free 30 min consultation to see how I can help. This is one road I can go down with you.

’til we meet again,

Walk in Beauty;
Walk in Peace.

‘Causing the Miraculous by Spreading Beauty, Truth & Harmony‘

Johnathan Brooks, MAC, PG Dip is a Life Coach who has trained in a wide range of personal development treatment methods including the “Power Therapies” (CBT Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (postgrad), EFT Emotional Freedom Technique, Master NLP Neuro Linguistic Programming) and has a Post Graduate Diploma in ‘Coaching and NLP’ which he passed with a ‘Commendation’. And is based in Tunbridge Wells, Kent.

He is a full member of the Association for Coaching (MAC) and is a Gold member of The Professional Guild of NLP.

A problem most of us face in trying to manifest the things and situations we want in life is proof. For whatever reason – maybe human nature, maybe the scientific method – we tend to require proof of things before we believe in them. The problem with this is that manifestation doesn’t work that way.

Think of it this way:

If a person wanting to lose weight bases their diet on proof that it’s working, they’ll likely never stick with the diet long enough to see it to fruition.

If a person wanting to curry the affection of a certain party was waiting for proof that party returned their secret affections, they may never take the initiative that would break that ice and get the romance underway.

In my life coaching sessions in Tunbridge Wells, Kent I am telling people all the time: in the language of manifestation, proof comes second; belief and trust comes first. Decisive action comes first. Decision is action, in the language of manifestation. You demonstrate your belief and trust to the universe by taking decisive action upon it, independently of any proof that what you’re doing will yield the desired results.

Proof is a hindrance. A barrier. An obstacle to getting what you want. Decisive action is your way through it. Then proof will follow. Whenever you feel blocked, try this exercise:

1. Think of a goal, then visualise it and ask yourself ‘How does it feel to have it?’ Ideally, something you’ve wanted to manifest but feel stifled taking action on, perhaps because you’re waiting for something else to happen first.

2. Imagine a Genie in a Lamp granting you this wish, this goal. You still have to take the actions required to get it, but you are now guaranteed success. The other chips that are out of your control, those things you’ve been waiting to happen first, will fall where they must to ensure your success.

3. What is the first or critical actions you would take, knowing this?

4. Take that action.

Repeat steps 3 and 4 as necessary, until you have achieved your goal.

The Native Americans always say ‘Thank you!’ after their prayers for something; it’s an act of trust that the answers to their prayers are on their way. We too can act ‘as if’ it’s a done deal. Have trust in the universe!

’til we meet again,

Walk in Beauty;
Walk in Peace.

‘Causing the Miraculous by Spreading Beauty, Truth & Harmony‘

Johnathan Brooks, MAC, PG Dip is a Life Coach who has trained in a wide range of personal development treatment methods including the “Power Therapies” (CBT Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (postgrad), EFT Emotional Freedom Technique, Master NLP Neuro Linguistic Programming) and has a Post Graduate Diploma in ‘Coaching and NLP’ which he passed with a ‘Commendation’. And is based in Tunbridge Wells, Kent.

He is a full member of the Association for Coaching (MAC) and is a Gold member of The Professional Guild of NLP.

In my life coaching practice in Tunbridge Wells, Kent, when listening to clients’ stories, I listen not to the content of their story, but to the context and structure. How did they get into this situation/mess? Or, How do they do that (the issue)? Basic life coaching will simply work on those levels, which is fine. But, if one really listens, the client will also talk about how the issue ‘wounds’ them, but gets missed by the life coach or even by therapists.

On this deeper level, you can then ask how has the wound continued to pop up through out their lives way before the issue that they came to seek help for? Their life script! But when did this wound really start, could they somehow have brought the wound into this lifetime? Now, we’re really going even deeper to their core ‘wounding’. And deeper still, could we therefore all not only have chosen our wounding but also our parents before birth?

In a previous article I wrote about ‘Do We Plan Our Life Challenges Before Birth?’ And is also worth reading to shed more light on the subject. Read here: /?p=160

However, this is not readily accepted by the average person’s belief system of having to experience something to believe it, after all ‘seeing is believing’. Or is it? Can we really trust our perception of events if we project outwards, after generalising, distorting and deleting the information in our brains?

The subject raised is of course a vast one of the evolutionary expansion of the brain, and if you have not already read it I would suggest you read Deepak Chopra’s and Rudolph Tanzi’s ‘Super Brain’, 20012, for the relationship of mind, brain and consciousness. Another useful book is Llyn Roberts ‘Shaping Shifting Into Higher Consciousness’, 2010.

The first issue of choosing one’s parents before birth, I cannot do better than refer you to the incarnation process and soul counselling before conception as have been described by Mme Blazatsky, Alice Bailey, Phoebe Benedict and Eva Pierrakos and apparently depends upon:

1. The maturity of the incoming soul, and

2. The expectant parent with providing the needed life experiences for the fulfilment of the future life task of their child.

So here we come to people’s/client’s need to experience and their (non) belief system. I would first ask:

What is an experience for? The answer has been given, as ‘Every experience is a way to understand and move towards a greater awareness of our journey of inner growth towards Oneness.’ But no experience happens by chance and everything has higher purpose and meaning so the goal is out of separatism into wholeness. A Course In Miracles says, “The choice of the goal is mine, I chose the feelings I experience and I am responsible for what I see”(my reality).

So the problems and painful experiences I encounter through life are:

1. Inherited as part of my soul task, and

2. From my early conditioning and these wounds are named by at least three writers as: Rejection, Abandonment, Humiliation, Betrayal, and Injustice.

And my attitude towards life or belief system about the world is filtered through a mind-set of feelings, thoughts, ideas, and memories that effect my perceptions.

A Course In Miracles says, ‘The atonement (Oneness) might be equated with total escape from the Past and total lack of interest in the Future.’ Heaven is here, now. It is our one responsible to except this atonement. If our intention directs our development process towards healing, wholeness/home this is our life purpose and our unconscious mind will bring into consciousness outer life opportunities for growth.

To say you cannot believe in anything you have not experience is perhaps saying some experiences are too painful to face and victimhood is preferable to the responsibilities of empowerment.

I therefore suggest we all consider which type of wounding resonates with you the most and reflect on the mask you have chosen to wear to hide from the problems you have yet to solve.

These masks maybe of:

Withdrawal,

Dependence,

Masochism (emotional/mental abuse),

Control, or

Rigidity/Denial

Ref: Lise Bourbeau ‘Heal Your Wounds and Find Your True Self’ 2001.

I hope this addresses a small part of our questions. I like to go much deeper than your average life coach in Tunbridge Wells, Kent. I’ve had too within my own life otherwise our stuff (wounds) will keep on resurfacing!

“In every work of genius, we recognize our own rejected thoughts; they come back to us with a certain alienated majesty.”

~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

’til we meet again,

Walk in Beauty;
Walk in Peace.

‘Causing the Miraculous by Spreading Beauty, Truth & Harmony‘

Johnathan Brooks, MAC, PG Dip is a Life Coach who has trained in a wide range of personal development treatment methods including the “Power Therapies” (CBT Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (postgrad), EFT Emotional Freedom Technique, Master NLP Neuro Linguistic Programming) and has a Post Graduate Diploma in ‘Coaching and NLP’ which he passed with a ‘Commendation’. And is based in Tunbridge Wells, Kent.

He is a full member of the Association for Coaching (MAC) and is a Gold member of The Professional Guild of NLP.

Time Management is a common subject that comes up when life coaching in Tunbridge Wells, Kent. And when it does, I often ask if my client is familiar with the Time Management Matrix made popular by Steve Covey, author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. It’s a simple system anyone can use to reprioritise your efforts in every area of life, to become more efficient and effective in all you do.

In this matrix, all the tasks you could possibly perform are divided into four categories, each given its own quadrant on a chart. The four quadrants are:

Important and Urgent: including tasks like deadlines and emergencies

Important but Not Urgent: including tasks like learning and planning

Not important but Urgent: like interruptions and distractions

Not important and Not Urgent: like entertainment and busy work

The biggest lesson of this system is that while the first quadrant is the most important for accomplishing short term goals, the second quadrant is actually the most important for accomplishing long term goals. It’s also, as I find when talking with clients life coaching in Tunbridge wells, Kent, the quadrant that gets ignored the most. Tasks like reading and learning, goal setting and planning, tend to be the tasks that get pushed ahead in place of tasks with more perceived urgency, but not more importance.

The lesson I tell my life coaching in Tunbridge wells, Kent clients, and the lesson for you, from Covey’s Four Quadrant system is to take care of all urgent and important tasks (Quadrant 1) as quickly as you can. Get them out of the way. And then focus the majority of your time and energy in Quadrant 2, taking on those tasks that will help you achieve your larger, longer term goals.

“Anything else than a conscious commitment to the important, is an unconscious commitment to the unimportant.” ~ Steven Covey

’til we meet again,

Walk in Beauty;
Walk in Peace.

‘Causing the Miraculous by Spreading Beauty, Truth & Harmony‘

Johnathan Brooks, MAC, PG Dip is a Life Coach who has trained in a wide range of personal development treatment methods including the “Power Therapies” (CBT Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (postgrad), EFT Emotional Freedom Technique, Master NLP Neuro Linguistic Programming) and has a Post Graduate Diploma in ‘Coaching and NLP’ which he passed with a ‘Commendation’. And is based in Tunbridge Wells, Kent.

He is a full member of the Association for Coaching (MAC) and is a Gold member of The Professional Guild of NLP.

Over the years, I’ve studied many schools of thought for my coaching practice in Tunbridge Wells, Kent, from life coaching, neuro-linguistic programming (NLP), cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT – postgrad) and emotional freedom technique (EFT). I did my second postgraduate in ‘Coaching and NLP’. Other than feeding my thirst for learning, and knowing that one size doesn’t fit all. I was also looking for the right way to coach or to heal as I regard coaching as the same as healing. What I realised is that it was less about which school of thought a coach/therapist came from but who the coach/therapist was ‘Being’ as a model of excellence.

‘The evidence is incontrovertible: Who provides the therapy is a much more important determinate of success than what treatment is provided.’ ~ ‘Supercoach’ (Miller et al, 2007)

Recently, I had received a call from a young single mother who had a four year old son. At his school ‘kindergarten/reception’ class, her son was very shy and closed but was willing to join in the practises for the up coming festival. But when it came to showing the parents their showcase, he wouldn’t perform in front of the mums and dads despite really wanting to, he would get frustrated then angry which would then lead to some display of negative behaviour.

Her son was a delightful little boy, but there was one thing that was crystal clear. At this age, the cognitive process hasn’t developed yet, which meant the mental level approaches like CBT and NLP weren’t really the right tools for the job. Trying to find out whether it was a fear of performing school plays or getting it wrong or being laughed at, and any negative thoughts he may of had before any of those fears, wasn’t going to be very fruitful and nonsensical reasoning.

I decided to use Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) on the child and simply bypass thinking styles and challenging thoughts and beliefs etc.

EFT combines tapping on acupuncture points with words based on NLP.

He was able to tell me that he felt sad whenever he saw his mum in the audience. Curiously, I asked him what was he sad about when he sees his mum in the audience, he answered that he gets sad because she would leave again after the show.

I asked the mother where the father was and whether her son had been left alone in the past? The father had never been around much after the birth of their son, and after the son was three and a half months old the mother, who worked as a make-up artist, had been offered work at the Opera House and gratefully accepted the job in order to move out of the tiny rented accommodation she had and get a mortgage for a home. By age two and a half years old, the mother then was offered a feature film contract but meant more crazy hours up to 70 hr weeks! So her son stayed with his grandmother while the mother went to work.

At this age, a child needs Love & Attention, which no doubt the grandmother was able to give to her grandson. But the son not understanding why he was dropped off may have triggered a basic wounding of ‘abandonment’ perhaps feeling a little deserted. This can lead to the fear of being alone and would therefore cling onto his mother.

After tapping a mixture of ‘fear of being alone’ and ‘feeling really sad’, half an hour later we were done. We did the same again the following week for our second session.

One of the most beautiful things working with children is how quick the sessions are as they are very receptive and not argumentative as adults can be. By dealing with this now and making it fun, means he won’t have to deal with this particular wound in 20+ years time when his negative behaviours may have magnified to something much worse! He can now be his own healer and with his new evidence can form new empowering beliefs.

Nip it in the bud early!

This is an email I received a week later from the mother:

“I took my 4 year old son to have EFT with Johnathan and have been utterly amazed at the results. After just a few days of ‘tapping’ he was no longer highly distressed when I dropped him at school but running in happy and carefree with barely a backward glance. He is starting to love playing at Kindergarten and is interacting a lot more with the friends he is making. A sight I have longed for and one that filled my heart with joy beyond words. The festival was a huge success, and he joined in with all of it and absolutely loved it. He had a huge smile on his face the whole time and kept waving. Very cute. He is so proud of himself and wanted me to let you know he had done it.

After just two sessions with Johnathan he would tell me the emotion he wanted to tap and we would do it together at home as well…and in some slightly more extraordinary locations! We were at the top of a steep tunnel slide and he really wanted to go down but was too scared (he has always been scared of these slides and has only gone down one once before) He turned around to me and said, ‘come on Mama let’s tap the scared feeling away.’ After the first round of tapping he sat down at the top of the slide, after the second round he shuffled in about an inch, after the third.. a little more of a shuffle forward and after the fourth he started to giggle and said, ‘I don’t need to do any more tapping Mama, I can do this.’ He gave me a big smile and then after a slight hesitation…off he went…whizzing down the slide, whooping. I couldn’t believe my eyes. Absolutely incredible!

The part I like the most is how easy and effective it is for him to do; for him it has already become as normal as brushing his teeth! It is a good feeling to know he has a tool which will help him all through his life, should he need to use it. Something which will help him always be true to himself…not his fears. No matter how big or small. Thank you Johnathan, for teaching my beautiful son such a wonderful healing method with such warmth and understanding.” ~ T.M. Mother, Make-up artist and author

‘Emotional Freedom Technique’s (EFT) remarkable power to bring about change probably stems from the way that its combination of carefully chosen words and gentle, physical stimulation of acupuncture points reaches deep into the most ancient and influential part of the brain, undoing conditioned mental or physical responses that can undermine us, foster illness or inhabit healing.’ ~ Dr Robert Scaer, Neurologist (The Body Bears the Burden: Trauma, Dissociation and Disease, 2000.)

’til we meet again,

Walk in Beauty;
Walk in Peace.

‘Causing the Miraculous by Spreading Beauty, Truth & Harmony‘

Johnathan Brooks, MAC, PG Dip is a Life Coach who has trained in a wide range of personal development treatment methods including the “Power Therapies” (CBT Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (postgrad), EFT Emotional Freedom Technique, Master NLP Neuro Linguistic Programming) and has a Post Graduate Diploma in ‘Coaching and NLP’ which he passed with a ‘Commendation’. And is based in Tunbridge Wells, Kent.

He is a full member of the Association for Coaching (MAC) and is a Gold member of The Professional Guild of NLP.