Henshaw -- Rights big and small

Thursday

May 24, 2007 at 12:01 AMMay 24, 2007 at 3:05 AM

There is a bit in the movie “Silverado” where Stella, the 19th-century dwarf barmaid, achieves equality of altitude with her clients by raising the section of the floorboards on which she stands behind the bar.

“When the world won’t adjust to you, you adjust to the world,” she tells a curious customer.

The Stellas of the 21st century won’t have to face that problem and make that adjustment if State Rep. Byron Rushing has his way. Byron is one of those reps who is always on the lookout for a new civil right for someone to be in violation of.

Tom Henshaw

“When the world won’t adjust to you, you adjust to the world,” she tells a curious customer.

The Stellas of the 21st century won’t have to face that problem and make that adjustment if State Rep. Byron Rushing has his way. Byron is one of those reps who is always on the lookout for a new civil right for someone to be in violation of.

The Boston Democrat is sponsoring a bill in the Massachusetts legislature that would add height and weight to race, gender, age, color, religion, disability and sexual persuasion to the state’s anti-discrimination civil rights laws.

“This is one of the last physical aspects of people that you can acceptably laugh about,” said Byron.

Not necessarily. Did you hear the one about the guy with big ears? Looked like a taxicab with both doors open. Well, it was funny the first time I heard it. I guess you had to be there. But I digress.

I can understand the desire to give special protection to little people since, if you’re born to be under four feet tall, there’s not much you can do about it, although I know there are places where they’ll try to stretch you a couple of inches on a rack to meet the height requirements of a police office or a fireman.

But raising obesity to the level of a civil right is a new one on me.

The Associated Press, reporting the filing of Byron’s bill, sought out 300-pound Jeanne Toombs of Concord, a board member of the National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance, for comment.

“It’s not fair,” she said. “No matter what you think of fat people, they deserve to be treated like human beings.”

Ever hear of losing weight? A black man has to stay a black man, unless of course if he’s Michael Jackson. A woman has to stay a woman. An 80-year-old man is an 80-year-old man, period. You might be surprised what few salads and some pushups can do for a 300-pound woman.

Byron’s discovery of two new civil rights still has to pass muster with his legislative colleagues, and there are indications that some of them might balk at voting for it.

“There’s a limit on how far you can legislate your way to paradise,” said Todd Momke, who is described as a Republican analyst. “We might as well add colorblind, left-handed and allergic-to-cashews and get it over with,”

Good idea! Did I, a confirmed left-hander, ever tell you how a clear case of discrimination by the Furnace Brook Golf Club in Quincy ruined my prospects for a lucrative career in golf?

My mentor, a chap named Roger Barry, and I showed up at the club for a sportswriters’ tournament nearly 60 years ago, only to find that the club’s only set of left-handed rental clubs was already out of the course.

It was decided that I should rent a set of right-handed clubs and drive with the righties while putting left-handed with a right-handed putter turned around. I shot a 36 and I distinctly remember Roger saying, “Good. Now let’s try the second hole.”