Sunday, August 31, 2008

Isn't there some law against using U.S. mail tape for doing Edward 40-hands? Like how those white U.S. mail crates always say it's unlawful to use them for any other purposes or to not return them to the post office? Underage drinking aside, there's clearly some mail fraud being perpetrated.

Looks like at the time the photo was snapped, they haven't yet reached the sticky situation of how to undo their jeans to use the bathroom - remember these guys who had to leave their flys unzipped all night?

Thanks to Brendan (who is presumably one of these two knuckleheads) for the pic.

Saturday, August 30, 2008

This is one of my favorite awkward party photo situations - the wedding when a white guy marries an Asian woman and he dresses up in traditional Asian garb for their wedding. The things we'll do for love/yellow fever, eh?

Friday, August 29, 2008

Thursday, August 28, 2008

This weekend, I caught up with an old friend who's been living in Madison, Wisconsin for the past few years. She told me that the beer culture and consumption there is very different - entire families go out to the bar together on a Tuesday night, children included. She says it is not at all unusual to see kids at bars with their parents and grandparents. In fact, she claimed that she has been told that the law there is that children under the age of 18 allowed to drink they're with your parents. From ages 18 to 21, it's forbidden again. She wasn't sure if this was actually on the law books, or if it's just tacitly tolerated.

Does anyone know the facts on this? Is this actually true? If it is, I'm pissed as hell at my parents for not raising me in Wisconsin. Because when I look at this photo of a Green Bay fan wearing a cheesehead helmet with antlers, beerbonging in the parking lot at a time of day when someone in the foreground is still drinking coffee, I feel like they should have a "Birthright: Wisconsin" charity the same way they have free trips to Isreal for young American Jews.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

The thing about having a fag hag is that you want her to come with you to the party because you're besties, and besides, you don't want to walk in alone. But then it's impossible to lose her later in the night when you're ready to do some poppers and score with some dudes. She's like a barnacle that's secretly in love with you.

Saturday, August 23, 2008

Friday, August 22, 2008

Back before the internet, teens were so jaded, they just tagged their polariods "WHATEVER". Nowadays, kids are way more positive because if life at school sucks all the time, at least they still can play World of Warcraft or Skype with their internet boyfriend in Canada or post their thinspiration on a "friends of Ana" LJ ring.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

If you've got whiteboy dreadlocks AND a piercing through the skin between your eyebrows, you really have to work hard to find someone worse looking than you to make you look good in comparison. Miraculously, this lucky juggalo has a buddy a red L.L. Bean tech fleece vest and a raging herpes sore to absorb the glare of the douchebag gamma rays he's giving off.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

I think I could never ever get sick of goth party photos. I like this one especially, because from the description, this is when they're getting ready to go out to the goth club. I imagine that when you're a goth, you spend about 45% of your time getting ready to leave the house.

I also like the black urn by the door. Way to stay on message with the macabre, goths.

Monday, August 18, 2008

To fully enjoy this picture, please click on the photo to see the full story written in the Flickr page. Basically, the guy with the long hair ate pot brownies and wigged out at a family Christmas party.

There's a tiny moment where you're drunk enough to do something completely stupid, but yet still sober enough to have that look on your face that says "I can't believe I'm doing this!" I believe this is one of those rare moments captured on film.

Sunday, August 17, 2008

I can see why if you're just a regular guy, you'd want to go for the goth girls at a party, because they have less inhibitions about doing nasty stuff. Just don't forget - they also have major issues and might be kind of clingy.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

This girl's photostream had two really excellent back to back examples of when you gamely pretend to be taking a picture of your friend, but you're really just trying to get a photo of the outrageous stranger standing right behind them. It's like an inverse photobombing.

In the first one, she's definitely getting caught in the act by the man in Pokeman necklace.

People don't understand anything about how to dress up for a party anymore. Men used to be able to wear a white tux without looking like Steve Harvey at his first Communion. Look how great this guy looks:

Now you have hacks like this guy trying to pull off the dapper look and landing flat on their goatee.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

There's nothing worse than when people go overboard celebrating their birthdays. If you've ever had to go to someone's birthday party on a Saturday night, and then go out to dinner and then drinks with them on Tuesday when it's their actual birthday, you know what I mean. I swear, if I ever hear someone utter the phrase "my birthday weekend", I want to impale myself with a cake serving knife. YOU ONLY GET ONE DAY. Your mother did not shove you back up her vagina for an extra 2 days so you could come out again on a Friday night.

If you really NEED a second day out of the year you can make cake and invite all your friends over, just throw your dog a birthday. Everyone loves dog birthdays, and no one feels obligated to bring presents. Problem solved. Look at his adorable frosting mustache!

It's like this guy was reading my mind when I was wondering to myself, "Is there any way hair could be arranged on a human head that is MORE douchey than a soul patch? Only the wiggly faux hawk coif on this joker:

Monday, August 11, 2008

Tie-dye is cool again, unless you combine it with a goatee and Oakley sunglasses, in which case it reverts back to stupid. But I have to admit, this guy's rousing party spirit makes me want to be anywhere he's about to stick that tap.

Sunday, August 10, 2008

If you find a woman who is actually willing to go along with your cockamamie idea for a wedding toast with Mountain Dew: Code Red, then by god, hold onto her for the rest of your life. No one else will ever make you happy.

For the record, I have no problem whatsoever with people not drinking real champagne at their wedding. However, I'd assume that anyone toasting with an eXtreme beverage like Moutain Dew would be getting married while jumping off an airplane with a snowboard attached to their feet.

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

In movies, nerdy teenagers will try any crazy scheme to lose their virginity; it's all they think about. That's all just Hollywood movie dust. Just look at these real life virgins - these nerds aren't even trying. They couldn't even give a fuck about getting laid. They have light sabers, for Chrissakes.

Making fun of people for being virgins is probably the best way to dis them. I'm not talking about purity-ring-wearing, Jonas-brothers-loving, saving-it-for-marriage virgins - there's nothing funny about that. At least those people have made a respectable choice and are sticking to it; unlike most of us who would hump an electrical socket if it giggled at our jokes long enough. I'm talking about people over the age of 18 who are probably not virgins. For example, next time you're at a party, just as you're leaving, say really loudly to your friend, "this party is totally full of virgins, let's get out of here." Or if someone spills beer or steps on your toe, just say "God, why do you have to be such a virgin?" Worst case scenario, everyone thinks you're a douche. Best case scenario, someone tries to prove it to you they're not a virgin. Face it, you're entire life is going to be flip flopping between those two scenarios anyway, so enjoy the ride.