I see their ugly and their beauty, and I wonder how the same thing can be both.”

————–

Death

<in “The Book Thief”>

=============

So. This quote is said by Death. Yeah. Death is suggesting he considers humans beautiful, as well as ugly, all the while resting comfortably in his chair awaiting the opportunity to end it all.

I admit.

The thought seems slightly counter-intuitive, but I like thinking the thought that Death is a lot more complicated than we may think.

I like thinking that Death sees us … and assesses us … and maybe even judges us a little … as not one-dimensional things to say ‘thumbs up’ or ‘thumbs down.’

I like thinking of death as not some grim reaper but rather a thoughtful person who has a job to do. One who contemplates the fact that some days will be good and some days just won’t be so fun.

I like thinking of Death One who can see the best and worst … acknowledging that good things can happen to bad people and bad things can happen to good people.

And, I imagine, I like thinking of Death as … well … intelligent and not simply some mindless executioner wandering about seeking his next victim.

For sure this quote reminded me of F. Scott Fitzgerald’s quote about intelligence:

“The test of a first rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at the same time, and still retain the ability to function. One should, for example, be able see that things are hopeless and yet be determined to make them otherwise.”

I believe it was Keats who called this ‘negative capability.’

As he explained <or tried to > “it is when a man is capable of being in uncertainties, mysteries, doubts, without any irritable reaching after fact & reason.”

In other words, you understand, or least come to grips with, that there is a shitload of inconsistency and uncertainty in Life and, yet, you deal with it and do what you need to do.

<that’s my translation>

The truth in Life is that we really don’t have to be one thing because you’re not another thing – or not be something if you are something <you get it>.

It may seem impossible if you appear to be a contradiction and, yet, be quite a successful, happy, productive bundle of contradictions. I will suggest, no, state, that not only do you not have to be one thing forever, but you can actually be a couple of things now … at the same time … in this time & place.

I sometimes believe individual happiness is found more often than not in our ‘negative capability’ intelligence. In other words … how smartly we can navigate the contradictions in Life as well as the contradiction of what is within who & what we are. If we don’t learn negative capability then we must seem to inevitably seek to isolate being one thing and one thing only as a judge of whether we are living Life well, productively and with focus.

And maybe that is why I believe Death was, and is, intelligent — it has mastered negative capability. Death has embraced the contradiction of being one thing and yet living another seemingly contradictory idea. If Death can see beauty in that which it will inevitably have to end with its own hand surely we can see good in bad … as well as be both bad & good ourselves.

Regardless.

It seems like there is a lesson in here for all of us. And maybe the lesson is, unfortunately, not that simple.

Death looks, on the surface, as one thing … and yet … is most likely something other.

Death does one thing … and yet … most likely thinks many other things.

We view Death as one thing and avoid him … and yet … should we meet him on the street on his way to meet someone other than us … he may greet us with a smile. While Death’s perception challenge is actually called “affective fallacy” <confusion between what it is and what it does>, this is a challenge we all face in Life.

I imagine, in the end, the lesson is a simple one … sometimes Life just isn’t that simple.

Ok. Ditch the ‘sometimes.’

Life is never that simple.

We are more than one thing … we are a sum of all our parts … we are part of everyone we have met <and will meet> … and we are, at our core, a reflection of a multi-faceted character containing aspects of all which we desire to be as well as some aspects which we view slightly glumly as ‘the aspects I do not desire to be … but am.’

We either embrace the contradictions or … well … we will most likely suck at dealing with Life and living Life.

Anyway. What I do know is that I wish someone taught “negative capabilities 101” because we should all sign up for that class. It would be a better world if we were all competent in negative capabilities.

=======================

“When the first living thing existed, I was there waiting.

When the last living thing dies, my job will be finished. I’ll put the chairs on the tables, turn out the lights and lock the universe behind me when I leave.”

You just hold on tight and then when you do let go you just want to throw it away and ignore it as if you never held it.

And maybe you get a little confused.

Well. There is no handbook for “how to let things go gracefully.” It does not exist and so you must try to find ways to figure it out on your own.

Frankly, it seems almost cruel that a handbook on “letting go” doesn’t exist <let alone gracefully> because it may be one of the most common things we do in Life.

Huh? What do I mean by that?

We don’t seem to notice the almost daily experience as we let go, every single day, countless amounts of things:

Moments.

–

Minutes.

–

Objects.

–

People.

–

Well. We may not notice these countless seemingly meaningless ‘letting gos’ until

a.we realize how much has been let go, or

b. we are faced with a situation that we want to hold on or that we are the ones being let go.

What both of those things have in common is a moment where we realize we are the ropes in a tug-of-war. Someone holding on at each end until one decides to let go.

You realize Time is watching you leave or maybe you end up watching Time leave.

Someone watches you leave or maybe you end up watching someone else leave.

Regardless. We have lots of personal experience letting shit go. Most times things are let go little by little andd in these small, but significant, changes we don’t really learn the ‘gracefully’ part … just the letting go part.

Oh.

Not only do we let most things go in small insignificant increments often you have no control. They just go. Things get lost. Time, people, experiences, things … they just let you go regardless of whether you ask them to or not.

Anyway. I have said it before, but part of growing up is leaving shit – regrets, stuff, people, choices, etc. – behind.

But you really know when you have grown up when you have also learned the graceful part. For all things. You’ve learned to let things go gracefully that you not only made the ‘let go decision’, but also the things that were ‘let go’ by someone else.

In other words learning to let things go even when your world starts to tilt.

Maybe that is what makes this whole letting go gracefully so hard. Holding on is a shitload easier than letting go. And, in fact, I am not sure there is such a thing as ‘holding on gracefully.’ You are just, well, holding on.

Sigh.

Let’s end with this thought.

Unfortunately I tend to believe you encounter more things not meant for you than those things actually meant for you in Life. People, moments, experiences, decision crossroads, whatever. I just think we encounter more than what is really meant for us. Yet. None of these things wear little name tags that say “meant for you” or “not meant for you.”

That means, unfortunately, while we may eventually get better as we get older with regard to sifting through all these things inevitably you will end up with a lot of shit that … well … aren’t really meant for you. And even more unfortunately there really isn’t anyone to help you sift thru and, well, no one is going to … ‘teach me how to gracefully let go of things not meant for me.’

That is something you just gotta figure out on your own and hope you are more graceful on the important things.

“Your greatest need is to clean out the enormous mass of mental and emotional rubbish that clutters your mind.

You need to learn how to select your thoughts just the same way you select your clothes every day.

This is a power you can cultivate.

If you want to control things in your life, work on controlling your mind. In most cases, that’s the only thing you should be trying to control.”

–

Marc Hack

=================

So. Controlling things <shit>, in general, in Life, in business and, well, in everywhere I imagine, is possibly the least possible objective of all.

Yet. In some form or fashion we attempt again and again to gain & maintain some control over all the shit we are faced with day in & day out. Pragmatically this is our attempt to offer some sanity to what can seem like a fairly insanely chaotic life.

All that said. Control, for the most part, is an illusion. It is an attractive illusion, but an illusion nonetheless.

But. As the world swirls around you like a hurricane I would suggest the one thing you can control is your mind and what you think. It ain’t easy, but it is doable.

Control when you think.

Not everything takes a shitload of thinking. This is my way of suggesting overthinking is a bad thing. Uhm. So is underthinking. Controlling when you think is about “thinking just enough” – not over or under – when faced with something. Some would call this ‘maximizing efficient thinking.’ I would simply call it learning how to not overthink or underthink something. This comes naturally to an incredibly small % of people, let’s make up a number, less than 5% of people. Haggle with that number of you would like but I offer it to make the point that the majority of people who say “I am a good thinker” <with regard to over & underthinking> are probably not.

You have to learn how to do this. My guess is even if you are a great learner no one truly becomes an expert at this.

Control how you think.

Our minds are often like people viewing an all-you-can-eat buffet table … we will inevitably gravitate to either the desserts or the prime rib. We don’t focus on the most healthy and less glamorous stuff on the table. This means you have to control not only your thoughts, but also how you think.

You have to sift through what appears attractive versus what may actually be more healthy <the ‘non-rubbish’ as it were> in order to most effectively meet the needs of the thought moment. By the way. Please note I purposefully chose effective and not efficient. ‘When you think’ is about efficiency and ‘how you think’ is about effectiveness. This is a focus aspect of thinking. Shiny objects are shiny objects and tasty indulgent desserts are tasty indulgent desserts.

You have to learn to do this. Some people are actually very good at this. They have a knack for viewing everything all at once and have an ability to discern the less important from the most important without being distracted by shiny and tasty things. please note “some.” Not a lot. Not many. Some. You can learn to be better at this but unless you have the innate instincts you will just be good at it and not great at it.

Control how you select your thoughts.

Ah. Once you have focused you have to select some thoughts to craft your decision, choice & conclusion. This point kind of circles back to underthinking & overthinking. If you suck at controlling how you select thoughts, you will invariably end up mired in overthinking shit <because you chose the wrong things and got bogged down in a less-than-conclusive spot> or underthinking shit <because you found an attractive thought which seemingly, in some linear way, suggested “that’s it!”>.

We all have a rolodex of thoughts in our minds that we have accumulated over time through whatever experiences we have had. Inevitably the mind, in its wily way, flips through it for you and shoves a thought or two to the forefront – immediately. Some people call this ‘instincts.’ I call it dangerous.

The subconscious can be wrong as often as it is right. Unfortunately you have to force thinking at this stage. Dive a little deeper than your initial “oh, that’s it.” This is absolutely learnable. Unfortunately today’s world doesn’t exactly encourage us to force thinking and learn to do this. We encourage instincts & speed above all.

That is unfortunate.

That is dangerous.

That is unlearnable <you can unlearn this> … and controlling how you select your thoughts IS learnable.

Lastly.

Disconnecting. It would seem fairly obvious that if you want to increase control you would decrease distractions. And, in general, that is a fairly safe formula.

But, I admit, I am not a disconnecting <from twitter, facebook, social media, internet … any escapism > fan. I am not because, if you buy into what I shared above, that is simply avoiding some possibly valuable inputs into your thinking for the sake of, well, thinking. It seems to me that controlling my own mind has less to do with managing external stimuli and more to do with HOW I manage incoming external stimuli.

Just to finish this whole thought. I do believe we spend far too much time talking about distractions and how smartphones are decreasing attention spans and how the external world is killing true thinking. The only thing killing true thinking is us … people … the individual and how the individual decides, or doesn’t decide, how to think.

I imagine I am talking about personal responsibility in some form or fashion. In a world in which we do seem to spend an inordinate amount of time blaming a whole bunch of shit on someone other than ourselves it really does seem like we should spend more time talking about how we can assume more responsibility for how we think, what we think and learning to think.

This is about business leadership but I’ll begin with business itself (because what is business leadership, but understanding the business of people).

Business: the business of monkey bars.

Business is all about monkey bars. Yes. Many people will point out its about process, systems & efficiency and they would be partially right. That’s the foundation for sustainable profitable business. But once that foundation is built, from there on out, it is about monkey bars. Now. A lot of people will not agree with me. They will be the people who see the framework as a network of highways & wireframe in which people & ideas & work traverse making right & left hand turns.

I don’t see it that way.

The process & wireframes are simply hamster wheels. Jump on and you get some speed, but no velocity. The speed & work & going around and around can make an organization feel good, feel like they’re doing a lot, but it really doesn’t get you anywhere.

Inevitably to gain some velocity, get somewhere, achieve some lift, you have to navigate the business of monkey bars. Make the leap from the lanes in your network to new place & new people. Make the leaps outside the existing wireframe to new places & ways of doing things.

Simplistically those monkey bars are letting go and taking a leap of faith you will grab the next rung.

Well. There is nothing simplistic about that. Businesses don’t like making leaps and they really detest swinging out from the nice safe rung they are holding onto, letting go of a rung and grabbing onto another.

I will say whether a business detests it or not, monkey bars are not meant to hang on to just one rung. The whole idea of monkey bars is getting from one end to another swinging from one rung to another and letting of the past rung to get to the next one.

If that isn’t metaphorically what business progress is about, I do not know what is.

This leads me to Leadership.

Navigating monkey bars with people.

My favorite leadership quote is:

“Consider becoming the type of energy that no matter where you go, or who you’re with, you always add value to the spaces and lives of those around you”

I thought of that quote because that type of energy is different than the business of navigating monkey bars. Navigating monkey bars isn’t really about energy it’s about reaching across from where you are to where you need to be. Its faith. It’s risk. Its uncertainty. Its doubt.

That said. There are so many leadership views, definitions, articles, etc. your head will spin. Go on twitter, hashtag leadership and you will be barraged by a gazillion good, and not so good, leadership thoughts you will wonder which to use.

We all have our favorites. I would argue none of them matter particularly if you want to think about Monkey bars. Monkey Bars is about pragmatic progress. Not inspiration, nor energy, nor necessarily fulfilling meaning or potential, it’s about letting go and moving on.

While most Good leadership articles discuss developing ‘tools’ for the team to verify which actions have value, and, crucially, which have not (affirm & assess behavior) when it comes to Monkey bars it may be more relevant to think of Tupac: “at some point you just have to leave the pieces behind and move the fuck on.”

Monkey bars demands you empower people to move on. But it’s a different moving forward. This one isn’t about walking or taking baby steps or giant leaps, but rather about letting go and having faith you can find another thing to hold onto. And, like monkey bars, it is not just once to get to the other side but a series of ‘letting gos’ to make it where you want to go.

Which leads me to leading in a monkey bar world.

Philosophically it would be great of you, as a leader, could actually place someone’s hands on the next bar and get them going. That ain’t the way it works. A leader’s job is to encourage letting go, have some faith and grab onto the next bar <even if they aren’t sure there is a next bar or know exactly where the next bar is>. To be honest. I’m not sure if this is objection management (eliminate objections to swinging out), unstuck management (getting people to unfreeze) or fear/uncertainty management (it will be okay, there is a safety net, the next rung is solid, etc) or idea management (make the next rung look like such a great idea it actually ‘pulls’ people to swing to it) or some combination of all.

What I do know is that this type of leadership CANNOT be about control, its about faith.

People monkey bars

You are dangling by one hand and reaching for another bar and … well … there will be a moment of uncertainty and reaching. But. That’s the gig. That’s the deal.

Letting go is the monkey bars of life. Letting go also means letting go of “fear” (not sure this is the right word but let me stick with it). Letting go is a double whammy to people:

Fear of leaving what is known & comfortable. Fear of leaving what you may be good at and what you have proven to others you can do. fear of leaving an environment in which you KNOW you can survive.

Fear of, well, the unknown. And its 2 unknowns:

The space between the rungs

The next rung itself

Suffice it to say letting go isn’t simple. In fact, it’s exactly like the first time you try the monkey bars. It takes some faith and confidence and, ultimately, desire to just go and swing out.

—

“All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on.“

Havelock Ellis

—

I have one thought for people here. You have to stop looking at the space between the bars.

It actually helps to view with things in black & whites. Fear thrives in the gray of unresolved emotion and feelings. It festers there. Eliminate it.

Process monkey bars

Process is inherently not about Monkey bars, but rather concrete solid highways. Well. At least that is the way most businesses view it. They are wrong. Most process is not linear A-B-C-D-etc, but rather solid lily pads which should be used in different configurations depending on challenge and context.

This is counterintuitive to most business people. They see iterative doing and not monkey bar doing. The truth is efficiency & effectiveness are maximized by properly utilizing the Monkey bars.

Ponder that.

I would venture to guess no business school says what I just said.

Ideas (or innovation) monkey bars

80% of innovations and ideation are iterative. They are improvements upon what is. Extensions, shifts, lifts, etc. These are like constantly tuning up the engine. 20% are monkey bar ideas and innovations. None, I may add, are out of the box ideas or innovations.

The 20%. The big ideas are swinging from a rung on a solid construct, letting go and grasping another rung across a space. The rung is separated by space, but the innovation is strong enough for the organization to hold on to. Please note. You are making a leap, but not outside a box. Please note. This actually increases likelihood of success. Just as scary (letting go and grabbing onto something you trust will hold you), yet, the leap is made within a construct the organization can withstand.

Just ponder.

I would venture to guess no innovations guru says what I just said.

In the end.

Business loves linear solid tidy things. they are safe, theoretically predictable and typically showcases the characteristics of efficiency. But not everything can be reduced to a 5 step process, a 6 stage model, or even a production schedule. That is why I believe the power of the Monkey bars concept is it is tangible and intangible. Where it gets interesting, is that it enables us to understand how to move away from slow and incremental improvement, to leaps of improvement.

People hate change (but mostly for a different reason than you may think).

“A root cause of resistance to change is that employees identify with and care for their organizations. People fear that after the change, the organization will no longer be the organization they value and identify with — and the higher the uncertainty surrounding the change, the more they anticipate such threats to the organizational identity they hold dear. Change leadership that emphasizes what is good about the envisioned change and bad about the current state of affairs typically fuels these fears because it signals that changes will be fundamental and far-reaching. Counterintuitively, then, effective change leadership has to emphasize continuity — how what is central to “who we are” as an organization will be preserved, despite the uncertainty and changes on the horizon.”

Monkey bars maintain their structure you simply swing from one run to another. Same playground, same structure, heck, even the same kids playing with you, just another run. In overcoming resistance to change and building support for change, leaders need to communicate an appealing vision of change in combination with a vision of continuity. Unless they are able to ensure people that what defines the organization’s identity — “what makes us who we are” — will be preserved despite the changes, leaders may have to brace themselves for a wave of resistance.

So. In the end?

Letting go in business is certainly hard – and healthy.

Just be sure you don’t avoid the monkey bars because of this following thought for it would be a shame to suffer solely because it was familiar:

—

“People have a hard time letting go of their suffering.

Out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar.”

“No matter how careful you are, there’s going to be the sense you missed something, the collapsed feeling under your skin that you didn’t experience it all. There’s that fallen heart feeling that you rushed right through the moments where you should’ve been paying attention.

Well, get used to that feeling. That’s how your whole life will feel some day.

This is all practice. “

—

Chuck Palahniuk

====

“It’s never as good as you want it to be; It’s never as bad as it seems.”

—

William Chapman

====

Well. Chuck Palahniuk writes some really deep shit. Stuff that really makes you think. That said, I have to admit, when I read the opening quote a lot of things about living Life, in business and personal, made a helluva lot more sense to me.

Maybe it’s just me, but, it seems like most of Life is tainted by sense of constantly missing ‘something’ … as in something maybe better than where we are and what we are doing and feeling or in what we have done. It isn’t always this huge disappointment. It’s just like a little nagging sliver in the palm of your hand.

All the while this sense is interposed with glimpses of … well … what is actually better. We, being we humans, naturally don’t accept the sense we missed something. Therefore we begin becoming more & more careful with how we invest our time and more careful about what we do <or don’t do>. Basically, we start treating our lives carefully assuming that if we do so, we will have less sense of something missing and more glimpses of ‘the better we feel like we are missing sometimes.’

Boy.

Are we wrong.

Boy.

We sure are investing a shitload of energy chasing something I believe Life simply dangles in front of us to tease us with thoughts of ‘what could be.’

It is quite possible we should learn to accept the nagging sense of missing something as … well … good. Good as in it makes us a little more alert for ‘things.’ Maybe it just makes us pay attention a little more.

Maybe we should accept the feeling isn’t lostness nor the thought that maybe we were not on the right path in Life.

Maybe we should just accept it as a characteristic of a good life.

Anyway. All of this leads me to a quote, and a thought, I vehemently disagree with:

======

……. me reading this quote ……

“People who succeed tend to find one goal in the distant future and then chase it through thick and thin. People who flit from one interest to another are much, much less likely to excel at any of them. School asks students to be good at a range of subjects, but life asks people to find one passion that they will follow forever. “

David Brooks

<The Social Animal: The Hidden Sources Of Love, Character, And Achievement>

=======

That is just bullshit.

Life does not ask people to find one passion that they will follow forever. That’s like saying that I love ice cream, but I am only going to eat chocolate ice cream for the rest of my life because it is my favorite flavor.

What a potentially boring life.

What a potentially ‘missed opportunity’ life.

The whole ‘passion’ discussion makes my head hurt so badly I start rubbing my temples so hard that then the sides of my head hurt too.

Let’s be clear. It is not passion <although glimpses of passion is always fun>. Life asks you to do the best, be the best and pursue what you believes makes you the best of what you could be … that’s it.

That’s what you follow forever.

Is success achieving that ‘one goal in the distant future?’ Maybe for some. But ‘people who succeed tend to find one goal and chase it’ is bullshit. What happens if I suck at picking that one goal or maybe my sense of direction sucks as I ‘go thru think & thin’ getting to the horizon <only to find I am standing in nowhere land>?

Look.

I am all for people pursuing goals.

I am all for people being passionate.

I am all for pursuing thru thick & thin <assuming what you are pursuing is ‘real’ and not some fantasyland>.

But I am not all for putting the blinders on, the bit between the teeth and then run like hell toward some goal on the horizon.I do believe you should be inspired in your actions … but inspired is very different than passion.

Passion. I have a passion … it is for something.

Inspired. I can be inspired by many somethings and moments and experiences and … well … you get it.

Here is a Life truth. The people who tend to succeed are inspired … by one thing or by many things … doesn’t matter. They are just inspired people.

===

“All the effort in the world won’t matter if you’re not inspired.”

Chuck Palahniuk

===

All that said. Let me circle back to the beginning. No matter how careful you are, no matter how much and how hard you pursue something … you will still have a sense of having missed something. Everyone has an undercurrent sense, a feeling, of missing something.

Look. We all pursue one thing — happiness. We may couch it in some ‘idea I have’ or ‘money’ or “purpose” or, well, anything else life has to offer, but we all want, and therefore seek, happiness. I would suggest what Chuck suggested we think about is not really acceptance of ‘lesser than what we want’ but rather accept the balance Life offers us.

The balance in that we will almost naturally have some sense of ‘something better’ no matter how careful we are in managing our lives or the pursuit of some goal.

The balance of actually getting a glimpse of that ‘something’ and not having rushed thru some important moment versus the missing feeling.

Well. Having said all that.

When I read the opening quote I had a better understanding of why so many people are unhappy far too often.

Because if we DON’T accept the sense of missing something as part of living a full Life … well … that means you will spend your entire life chasing that sense <to suffocate it in some way>. If you do that, well, that pursuit will inevitably suffocate your Life <and that is an unhappy Life>. Ponder. Maybe I am missing something. And maybe I am not.

“The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposing ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function.

One should, for example, be able to see that things are hopeless yet be determined to make them otherwise.”

F. Scott Fitzgerald

=================

Contradictions. My favorite topic (certainly in business). Now. This is a tricky conversation in business because most business people like one-dimensional thinking & ideas. Yeah. That sounds harsh but at its core is the argument of “stand for one thing” combined with “simple is success”. Both of which ignore the fact most people find contradictions interesting (therefore cognitively retain the imprint better) and simple doesn’t necessarily mean ‘one thing’ but rather ‘understandable.’ I would also argue contradictions, or multidiemensional is more relatable. My main example of this is in discussing Brand Personality where the whole idea of ‘one thing’ is absurd.

Regardless. I personally love the idea of ‘owning a contradiction’ because it is a descriptive phrase that invokes people to hold two opposing concepts concurrently.

And more importantly? It is a smart idea. And I don’t care who you are, you like smart ideas <everyone does>.

Everyone likes ideas that make you think. A contradiction, or an idea capturing a contradiction, is an idea that makes you think.

Patient quickness.

Make haste slowly.

Big and fast.

Small but powerful.

Less is more.

That kind of stuff. Literally, I imagine we are simply discussing oxymorons.

But. I will get back to that (because I am curious and looked up all that stuff). Owning a Contradiction is excellent for when you are talking about brand positioning and company’s value propositions and what people think about an organization (or product or service).

A contradiction offers something that may seem counter intuitive and make people cock their heads a little bit and think “how do they do that?”.

From an organization value proposition standpoint (what is it we do best – with a skew toward functional) owning a contradiction is kind of the holy grail.

In particular you love to zero in on some aspect of more for less.

(Think of that as the holy grail value proposition sweet spot)

What do I mean?

That’s like …

More happiness-satisfaction less worry.

Get more Services at less cost.

More nutrition in least (smallest) portion.

Do more with less (plus/minus relationship).

Do most with least amount of money/budget.

Large global resources attention to small details.

“who say you can’t be big and nimble?”

Stuff like that.

If you can build an organizational culture and innovations and attitudinal structure with something like that at the core you are golden. Now and for the future.

Anyway. Whenever I bring up owning a contradiction, at first blush, everyone loves the idea. The challenge is when people want to “understand it.”

So. Inevitably you get the smart(ass) question … ‘are you talking about an oxymoron or a paradox’?

(yikes. Here is where I need to search dictionaries for help)

Oxymoron or Paradox. Here are the two definitions.

An oxymoron as “a figure of speech by which a locution produces an incongruous, seemingly self-contradictory effect, as in ‘cruel kindness’ or ‘to make haste slowly’.”

(c’mon … who uses ‘locution’ in a sentence … jerks)

A paradox is defined as “a statement or proposition that seems self-contradictory or absurd but in reality expresses a possible truth”.

Uh oh. That didn’t help me. Is one a figure of a speech and one a sentence? Geez. ‘Self contradictory but in reality expresses a possible truth.’

Now. That sounds good. Unfortunately if I research oxymoron I get more of what I am talking about with owning a contradiction despite the fact the explanation for a paradox seems … well … righter.

The Oxymoron is a figure of speech that deliberately uses two contradictory ideas. This contradiction creates a paradoxical image (okay. They just used oxymoron and paradox together ???) in the reader or listener’s mind that generates a new concept or meaning for the whole.

Some typical oxymorons are:

– a living death

– sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind

– a deafening silence

– bitter sweet

– The Sounds of Silence (song title)

– make haste slowly

– conspicuous by his absence

Ok. It gets worse (trying to understand what it is supposed to be) when you look at these.

The following seem more like paradoxes to me, but they all are from a book called “Oxymoronica” by Dr. Mardy Grothe.

—

I can resist everything but temptation.

Oscar Wilde

=

Don’t be too clever for an audience. Make it obvious. Make the subtleties obvious also.

Billy Wilder

=

Just be truthful – If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.

Barbara Stanwyck

=

Please all, and you will please none.

Aesop – 6th century BC

=

Nothing is permanent, except change.

Heraclitus – 4th century BC

=

Okay. Regardless. Owning a contradiction (to me) is not only smart but it articulates something in a way that it actually becomes a figure of Speech (which also has a literal definition by the way)

Uh oh. Another definition. Figure of speech? A figure is worth a thousand words (A picture is worth a thousand words)

—

Figurative language:

One meaning of “figure” is drawing” or “image” or “picture”. Figurative language creates figures (pictures) in the mind of the reader or listener. These pictures help convey the meaning faster and more vividly than words alone.

We use figures of speech in “figurative language” to add color and interest, and to awaken the imagination. Figurative language is everywhere, from classical works like Shakespeare or the Bible, to everyday speech, pop music and television commercials. It makes the reader or listener use their imagination and understand much more than the plain words.

Anyway. I come back to “expresses a possible truth.” Owning a contradiction (when you aren’t making it up and it is something of value) is figurative, a paradox and most importantly is communicating the possibility of a truth.

Something meaningful but contradictory all to the benefit of whoever you are communicating to.

In a way it is quite possible I like contradictions because they aggressively and interestingly attack people’s ignorance. They make you think of things that may not seem possible, but become an interesting ‘truth’ (and we learn something). To me that is the cognitive power of a contradiction.

Real knowledge is to know the extent of one’s ignorance.

Confucius – 6th century BC

I will admit. Contradictions are personal to me. Lunch bucket intellectual is my contradiction. Bring a blue collar work ethic day in and day out but relentless intellectual curiosity to seek insights and ‘truth.’ I guess I am also a generalist specialist.

All that said. Bottom line? Any time you can own a contradiction you are more interesting ... as a product, as a business or even as a person.

”Birds, just like the leaves, tend to vanish in the fall heading for something new. The birds will come back to start their new generations while the leaves break down and feed the forest that supports the birds. The circle of life I suppose.”

—–

Joel Robison (the photographer)

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So. It is Fall Equinox and I get to use one of my favorite images.

I loved the digitally enhanced photography.

I loved how the photographer described what he envisioned when he did the photography (I like it when a photographer has something in mind).

I love the thought of the cycle of, and in, life.

The equinox represents equal night & day. The moment in the year in which night and day are equal. Light and dark are balanced. The circle, and cycle, is perfectly balanced. It is possibly the one time you can actually draw a straight line in Life.

That said. I love the fact that in one simple piece of photography we are reminded that Life <the bigger Life around us> is never linear … it is circular. Things come, and go, and come back again.

Just ponder that.

Ponder and maybe wonder why would we ever think our own life <the smaller more personal ‘I’ life> is linear? Why just because something goes it will never return and, conversely, why something will stay simply because it came?

“And so the seasons went rolling on into summer, as one rambles into higher and higher grass.”

——

Henry David Thoreau

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”Birds, just like the leaves, tend to vanish in the fall heading for something new. The birds will come back to start their new generations while the leaves break down and feed the forest that supports the birds.

The circle of life I suppose.”

–

Joel Robison

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Fall finally arrived here.

It actually kind of felt like winter but … what the heck … it was our first cold weather so I will call it Fall.

The onset of Fall gave me a chance to us one of my favorite pictures of all time <Joel Robison is the photographer> where he also included his quote <above>.

I love the thought of the cycle of, and in, life.

I love the fact that in one simple piece of photography we are reminded that Life <the bigger Life around us> is never linear … it is circular.

And when reminded of that … why would we ever think our own life <the smaller more personal ‘I’ life> is linear?

We constantly circle upon things we do, don’t do, think & don’t think. Our ideas & thoughts live and die. The winds of time blow above and below and around where things happen to us almost as randomly as leaves blowing in the wind.

I say that to be poetic … but to make a point.

While cycles & circles seem so nice and neat … Life is certainly not nice and neat. It is more like the swirling chaotic leaves in a brisk autumn breeze. I say that because a wind can lift you, buffet you … and drive you down.

Life can be treacherous that way.

Beautifully chaotic.

It pays to remember in the beauty of Fall leaves resides treachery – the treachery of beautiful death. For in our jumping in piles of leaves, the beautiful rich & royal hues and crinkling of leaves underfoot we sometimes forget we are brushing lightly against the hand of death.

Death cloaked in a beautiful crisp robe encouraging us to enjoy relief from the smothering heat of summer. All Death is doing is distracting us from the more dangerous treacherous aspects of the cycle of Life.

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“In the life of the soul, the emotions, there are these undertows, these treacherous downward forces.”

—————–

Anaïs Nin

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Yeah.

Sure.

Life returns.

Leaves grow anew.

Lively green replaces the remaining emptiness of leaves days gone by.

But it is there in which resides the ultimate treachery.

Life suggests to us “accept the beautiful death for it is just a cycle in which Life will return.”

Damn.

It doesn’t always work that way.

Beautiful birds can leave and never come back.

Beautiful leaves can fall and never come back.

Beautiful seasons can … well … stop rolling.

Fall is a tricky time.

first day of fall 2016 google

The birds will come back to start their new generations while the leaves break down and feed the forest that supports the birds.

The circle of life I suppose.

Whew.

That’s what I thought today as I thought about one of my favorite pictures of all time.

He picked up the brown bag of candy on the table. “What’s your . . .” He trailed off as he weighed the bag in his hands. “Didn’t I give you three pounds of candy?”

She smiled impishly.

“You ate half the bag!”

“Was I supposed to save it?”

“I would have liked some!”

“You never told me that.”

“Because I didn’t expect you to consume all of it before breakfast!”

She snatched the bag from him and put it on the table. “Well, that just shows poor judgement on your part, doesn’t it?”

——-

Sarah Maas

==================

Well.

Near me … a couple of businesses have created one of the best Halloween ideas I have ever seen or heard about.

They are taking over an entire shopping center parking lot, having cars park in it with trunks open — with candy in the trunks — and invite trick or treaters from everywhere to walk around the parking lot.

They invite any and all to visit this safe space … and a space which you need not be from some high falutin’ neighborhood with “the good” candy for trick or treaters.

This is a reminder that not all kids live in great neighborhoods or have access to all the “fun” Halloween has to offer and, in some small <but big> way people can do things which permit the fun of Halloween to ‘come to them’ rather than have some well deserving kids say “I have no place to go” on an evening which all kids should enjoy.

This is a longish rambling post on about living Life <written mostly because I had a shitload of awesome quotes to use>.

And … well … not backing away from Life.

Okay.

Maybe it is about living Life in a weird way … being undead <kind of a gray area in living Life>.

And, no, this is not about regrets … or having regrets.

This is more about how we sometimes subconsciously back away from life.

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“If you’re not busy being born, you’re busy dying.”

—

Bob Dylan

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And, consequently, it is also all about the importance of seeking to continuously reinvent ourselves while … well … mostly we are actually just going through the motions <it’s a version of living Life by being dead>.

It is, unfortunately, human nature that we are constantly distracted by what we have accomplished, completed, succeeded at … or failed at.

It is a major distraction for one of two reasons:

You purposefully seek to replicate what you have done in the past

You purposefully seek to break away, and break new ground, from what you have done in the past

Basically this suggests you are not really living Life … just constantly looking in the rear view mirror trying to make sure you replicate the good and avoid the bad.

Well.

I will point out … that would be the past good and the past bad.

It’s kind of like defining your usefulness and worthiness not by actually living your Life to its fullest but rather by measuring it in increments versus the past.

Well.

While some people may call it ‘incremental living‘, to me, that is ‘being dead’ … you are basically backing away from Life.

Eckhart Tolle <who in general I think is a philosophical nutcake> said … the secret of life is to “die before you die” – and find there is no death.

<that always made my head hurt if I thought about it too much>

I am not really sure what the hell he is talking about but what I do know is that while we may not consciously back away from Life and living … we certainly settle for a shitload of incremental maneuvering under the guise of “this is what it is going to take so that one day I will make it.”

Whew.

Talk about sucking the life out of life.

That’s not living … that’s just being dead before you have actually died <in my eyes>.

If you develop such a mindset, no matter what you achieve or get … the present will never be good enough and the future will always appear better.

This is a perfect recipe for permanent dissatisfaction.

It is kind of like a ‘waiting state of mind’ although I could argue that is “people like being dead.”

Basically it means that you want the future but you don’t want the present.

You don’t want what you’ve got and you want what you haven’t got.

I mentioning a ‘waiting state of mind’ because with every kind of waiting you unconsciously create inner conflict between here and now, where you don’t want to be, and the projected future – where you want to be. This greatly reduces the quality of your life by losing or sacrificing the present.

All that philosophical mumbo jumbo aside and let me just say … well … “for some the most difficult thing in life is knowing what they are surviving for.”

It is true some people just don’t live life.

They are just surviving <albeit … it is actually ‘being dead’>.

The problem is they even forget why they are surviving. Most people inevitably fall into a rut and in that rut they confuse living Life & survival with purpose … mostly because they are constantly looking backwards trying to move forward incrementally better than what they had done before.

Survival, to me, at its most valuable self-core is about purpose.

Regardless.

For once I will go with the crazy pop culture bullshit and say “why we don’t have more discussion on purpose driven life?”

We sure as hell do it with business <which I think is crazy>.

To be clear … purpose doesn’t have to be religious.

I think we don’t because it is tough. I am fairly sure it is not even anything tangible and it it sure as hell will not be found in any book or “chicken soup for the soul” type thinking.

Unfortunately it’s not really about “things” … like being ecofriendly or fighting poverty. Or even making sure your kids have it better than you do. Or doing anything actually <those are simply reflections or outcomes of attitude>.

That means if what I am writing is true then there is no measurement or none of the easy status comparisons <who has more stuff or more success>.

This mean the only measurement is good versus bad, the dark side and the lighter side of moments, and the inevitable task Life then demands of us — to find meanings in the moments.

I imagine I could point out here that each moment has value … if you look hard enough. But that is hard to find so people end up creating meaningful Life moments in a variety of ways — some good & some bad, some healthy & some unhealthy.

But if you are busy being dead <or, conversely, just not being undead> that kind of means you don’t really know how to enjoy life, or the moments within it, so you either end up by finding meaning in <a> incremental improvements versus the past – replicating good, avoiding the bad, or <b> creating closure moments – fake closure.

I could point out here that ‘death’, or being dead, is one way we seek to find meaning. “Live life like you are dying” or “want to do something before I die” or anything like that.

I imagine we will use any tool in the Life toolbox to try and create some comparisons to judge how well we are doing or not doing <that is called “assessing the value in our Life”>.

Just think about that a little … an how much that sucks.

Suffice it to say that people find value in Life in a variety of creative ways … mostly because they can’t seem to find value in purpose. Purpose is simple yet complex in the innate knowledge of people’s fear, hopes and desires in life combined with desire to ‘do something’ … whew … try measuring or judging that on a weekly basis.

=========

Had I not known

that I was dead

already

I would have mourned

my loss of life.

—-

Ota Dokan <his last words>

==========

“As a well-spent day brings happy sleep, so life well used brings happy death. “

–

Leonardo da Vinci

=========

Anyway.

I do believe people would be a shitload happier if they could stop thinking of our way of life, capitalism driven culture, as a … well … way of life … but rather maybe think about Life as a way of living in which capitalism is just one part.

I do believe people would benefit if we understand that we humans are egoistic … we like things & we like to feel good about ourselves & we actually like to do some good in the bigger picture.

I do believe people would be happier if they understood that we always will struggle to get the best for our selves <emotionally and tangibly>.

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“Many people die with their music still in them. Too often it is because they are always getting ready to live … before they know it … time runs out.”

–

Oliver Wendell Holmes

======================

I do believe people would be happier to look forward a little more often and worry a little bit less about ‘replicating good shit I have done in the past and avoiding the bad shit I did in the past’ <mostly because most of us don’t need a guidebook for what to do in the present if we just try and do our best – which is most likely representative of all our experiences up to that point>.

Anyway.

Being dead and being undead. I truly don’t think most people live dead lives … it’s just that they back away from Life a little too much.

That said.

Here is what I know about Life and death.

Life does not stop at death.

Of course it doesn’t.

Someone is not dead until they are forgotten. So maybe we should all worry a little less about replicating & avoiding and just try and do shit that matters when it matters.

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“No one is actually dead until the ripples they cause in the world die away…”