JTTS Male Sac. #1

Here at JTTS, we give thanks daily for the opportunity to stare deep into the heart of darkness, i.e. the mind of our readers, on a daily basis. Seriously, you have to be a sheltered nerd or a sick fuck with deep-seated issues if you are checking this blog every day, but to actually send something into the abyss of our Gmail inbox takes a level of depravity and courage that few people possess. Now let’s pull back the curtain and see what horrors (and sometimes gems) will be revealed from the JTTS Male Sac.

Clancy Returns

I have to give some level of begrudging respect to Clancy. Having stepped into the arena before, this aspiring Peabody rapper came with “that super-psychedelic, outer-space, racially charged, kill your uborn fetus shit” (credit, Sleezy Trees) and was promptly clowned on arrival. He retaliation was weak, which unsurprisingly got him mentioned again…that’s just the way we work around here I guess. So imagine my surprise when I find young Clancy eager to get back in the fight with this tersely worded e-mail: “check the new music video, see if theres anything you can talk shit about now guys.” We’ve never needed to be asked to talk shit, Clance, but thanks for serving this one right up on a platter for us. The resulting video is one of the best Mac Miller Chris WebbySam Adams Clancy joints I’ve ever heard; there’s a lot of squinting intently and earnest hand motions and a lot of that cool way that rappers nonchalantly adjust their snap-backs. Not only does he look like a bratty teenage version of Paul Wall, but he’s rocking those expensive ass braces too. You know that shit ain’t cheap. And the quality is top-notch: Mom used Tide XL to make sure that Sublime tee was looking fresh for the video. I should note that I watched the video on mute as not to fall into the trance of his hypnotiq lyrikz, but I know at one point he talks about “dropping a dookie in your vocal booth” which I assume is some trucker stop code for mouth rape. Congrats Clancy! You are working up to legend status.

Reese McFly Is Back

Another local white suburban rapper (does anyone else see a pattern here?) who’s been featured here before is Reese McFly, who maddeningly awkward sideburns diminished the otherwise sappy brilliance of “Got Me Singin’ Like.” Upon seeing that video, I was hoping that Reese would continue on this path, carving out his own niche and avoid the “local rap” cliches that stop so many promising careers dead in the water. Unfortunately, I was wrong, as you can see based on this latest video. Reese, you had a good thing going with the sappy girl come-ons in Chicopee. Why ruin a good thing?

Barstool Boycott

One day I hope JTTS can have as loyal readers as they do over at our old bros Barstool Sports. As you probably remember, within 24 hours of posting our ground-breaking story on Scam Adams, a milestone in the history of poorly researched blog hype, we were drowning under a deluge of angry commenters from El Pres’ army of North Shore kehds and toxic-tanned “aspiring models.” Recently, BS came under fire for posting a picture of Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen’s two-year old son Benjamin at a beach in Brazil with no pants on. Another milestone moment, this one for those who see nothing wrong with posting pictures and making jokes about some two-year old’s dick. The resulting shitstorm of criticism inspired Boycott Barstool, a site aimed at “making sure advertisers know who they are supporting.” Props to Jesse for reaching out: whether your struggle is against child porn or shitty college-loving rappers, we share a similar foe. Salute.

Poor Ho, Rich Ho

This one has been patiently waiting deep in the sac (pause) for some time. I was hoping to get the author for an interview or a least a guest blog appearance, but I haven’t been able to get any response for months. Lair, if that is your real, beautiful name, please get at me. Here’s the synopsis:

For your consideration, a book titled “Poor Ho, Rich Ho: Modern Women in The New Pimp Game” is gaining notoriety online. Penned by underground author Lair Haven, Poor Ho-Rich Ho takes on the possible truth that “the hos are winning” while “the good girls are sitting” in this modern day exploitative entertainment culture. Based on candid insight, Lair uses creative exposition to spin a self-help book for vixens, strippers, erotic dancers, groupies and lady go-getters living the fast life by way of their sensual talents. But this book does not aim to heal the promiscuities of the risque women highlighted, instead it provides the blueprint for continued success in the flesh game as only a pimp would do.

Poor Ho, Rich Ho is a controversial underground offering which features daring insights into the minds and successes of women living in the fast-paced world where the most powerful of men succumb to the sensual and crafty graces of models, exotic dancers, actresses and unsuspecting escorts of the night. For any woman living or contemplating a life in the fast lane, sheer capitalism and sexual carnality awaits you in this book for adults only. Written as only a pimp in the modern world of sensual intrigue could share.

I’m concerned that this young generation of hos and bitches are too busy self-shooting nekked pics of themselves for Tumblr accounts and not doing enough of the hard work required to reach upper-echelon ho status. JTTS is very supportive of young girls who aspire to be the next Amber Rose or Kat Stacks or even, just maybe, the next Super Head. In return, we will give you a case of Blast by Colt45 (a beverage all young hos should definitely be drinking) and allow you access to Faraone’s dusty cavern of underground hip-hop CD-Rs. Look, but don’t touch.

i bet you think that youre just some regular guy with rap skills whos not tryna be anything special, rite? youve got the sublime shirt going in an effort to show that ur embracing ur whiteness. made an effort to floss the uppies casually, as if uptowns didnt go outta style the seconds nelly rapped about em and they started cranking em out in every color way imaginable & every faggot from bangor maine to portland oregon was matching their shoes with their kicks. anyhow, i saw the strap flapping. youre hiphop. you did it way to go.

heres the thing tho, you may be a regular guy whos not tryna come across as some typa cool guy rapper, and thats great, because youre not. you dont have rap skills and you arent anything special. youre just some white kid who looks awkward on camera standing next to your black friend like thats gonna give u some kinda credibility. did that black kid produce Nothin But A G Thang? didnt think so. where are the rest of ur white friends? are they mad u left em outta the vid? i digress..

anyhow, good for you that you smoke blunts and your friends dig it wen u rap after a cypher…everyone else thinks youre a faggot. the typa faggot who uses charlie sheen memes and probably is of the assumption that this is good exposure. youll probably call me a hater a be glad that you have one, but guess wat? im not hating because im a hater, which i am. im hating because you suck and your music is bad.

Wite prolly thinks he’s some sort of profound intellectual because he broke down my swag and everything else I did, the fact of the matter is you watched my video multiple times and studied everything about me. Than you took the time to write three paragraphs about me thinking that your so smart and righteous when actually your slobbering all over my dick, so thanks or licking my ballsack by taking the time out of your day to do that, you fuckin loser. As for anyone else i really could give a fuck less about what any of you think so regardless of what you say I’m not gunna stop doing what I’m doing. By the way, chris faraone can go fuck himself. This website sucks and noone even knows about it,

i watched about 40 seconds of your vid one time & called you a faggot descriptively

if it makes u feel better to think my opinion is null & void by telling urself im just some fat kid in his mothers basement (which is always the case on the internet amirite?) who jerks off all day then so be it. denial is powerful. i was just letting you know how ur coming across. feel free to fag the fuck out pal….just dnt say i didnt tell you tho.

My eyebrows are prominent and beautiful. And wire that is the case get a life who even goes on this website anyways, an how about you actually listen to the track instead of “watching 40 seconds of it” ignorant prick. This website isn’t hip hop it’s a bunch of starving writers ex chris faraone just trying to make people chuckle because they lack real creativity. How about the writers get off the Internet an do some actual journalism you fucking clowns

My eyebrows are prominent and beautiful.
My eyebrows are prominent and beautiful.
My eyebrows are prominent and beautiful.
My eyebrows are prominent and beautiful.
My eyebrows are prominent and beautiful.

Damn Youngin ( Clancy ) You gotta learn a couple things about this game 1. You never ever ever ever respond to bad press , or good pres for that matter. Makes you look like your on your own dick and that you actually take time out of your day to sweat what someone has written about you on a local hip hop blog instead of taking peoples comments in stride and bettering yourself. 2. If you cant take criticism or peoples opinion of your music your in the wrong business 3. Never get into a debate with writers of this site you will loose every time and look like an idiot. You just played yourself major. Stay in your lane and do your thing. If you like what you put out then fuck it that’s all that matters. Stop faking the funk man you just burned a bridge. You just lost the one underground boston site that may have given you legit shine in the future. Now cut the shit and go back outside and play catch with the dog.