Friday, October 2, 2009

What. The. Fuck? Are they kidding? Does Microsoft honestly think anyone other than the biggest brown-nosing Microsoft employee would actually host a fucking launch party for their lame-ass bug-riddled bullshit software? If someone invites me to one of these, I swear to god I'm gonna go just so I can kick their goddamn teeth in.

What the hell are they smoking in Redmond, WA? Cuz that's some gooooooood shit.

Great video, though. They totally sell it. And I hear grandma will get butt-nekkid if you feed her enough tequila.

If you're a professional athlete, entertainer or whatever the hell Spencer Pratt is, odds are you're gonna have to apologize publicly for something you did at some point. Oftentimes these apologies ring true, but more often than not, you make yourself look like an even bigger tool. Here are the 10 worst offenders of insincerity.

10. Kanye West Blogs His Way Further Into the Doghouse

Soon after the Taylor Swift incident, Kanye found himself back at his crib, trying to write an apology letter with the all-caps button jammed on his keyboard. Using a little-known bipolar writing style, Kanye goes from sincere apology to subtle insult, back to apology and so on. No surprise that the letter was pulled from his site soon after.

9. Mark Sanford Puts His Mistress First

Much has been made of the South Carolina governor's long, rambling owning-up speech where he revealed more dirty laundry than anyone asked for. But by the time Sanford gets around to the actual apologizing, he starts with his mistress! Followed by the people of S.C., and then his wife and kids. And it should be a rule that any apology is null when "y'all" is used this flagrantly.

8. Pete Rose Apologizes...For a Small Fee

The all-time hit leader denied betting on baseball for years. Then, in 2004, he finally admitted it in his autobiography. Like we didn't know. And he's since offered a public apology to any of his fans...for the low, low price of $279.99.

7. Chris Brown's Lonely Hearts Club Band

It's bad enough that it took Chris Brown so long to finally issue an apology for beating his then-girlfriend, Rihanna. (Five months? Why bother?) Kicking things off by trotting out the tired "My lawyer advised me..." excuse is a surefire way to elicit sneers. Adding insult to injury? The bizarre "Sgt. Pepper"-meets-"Double Dare" attire he chose to wear. At least put a tie on, kid.

6. Alex Rodriguez Has a Brain Fart

After being cold-busted for using banned substances, Yankees slugger Alex Rodriguez's frequent admissions that it was such a different culture waaaaaay back in 2001 never exactly rang true. Plus, when he seemingly has a senior moment - or just forgot the coaching he'd received beforehand - around the one-minute mark in the clip above, he makes some ridiculous faces that belie his "sorrow" in the whole affair.

This video is so full of awesome that mere words would never do it justice. Just watch.. and stick with it. It's a little violent and racy, so send the kiddies off to find your gin -- you put it down somewhere. And some smokes.