This Is How To Tell If You’re In An Abusive Relationship

A few years ago, I was in an abusive relationship. Hell, I’ve been in a few of them. One of the guys got physical with me, and our relationship ended when he pushed me multiple times (but not before he managed to put me in a chokehold one drunken night). The other, on the other hand, never got physical. He never shoved me. He never put his hands around my neck. He never pushed me or hit me. And he never left bruises or scars that made friends voice their concern.

So until we broke up, I never saw the relationship for what it was. I never realized that the things he said to me when he was drunk, the names he called me when he was angry, or the way he taunted me when I cried was not, in fact, normal. Once I got out and looked back on the relationship, I realized how toxic it was. How abusive. But when I was in it? I thought we were just in love. I thought we were just passionate.

It’s hard to tell when you’re on the inside. No matter what people say or how often they tell you to end it, you can’t. You love him. He’s just upset. I get it. I was there. In this short video created by Buzzfeed, however, you can see the subtle signs that a relationship is abusive. Someone doesn’t have to hit you to leave a mark. Someone doesn’t have to raise a hand to hurt you.

As you can see, it’s hard to know what’s going on when you’re in the middle of it. You’re in love. You want to be with the person. If he only did this or if she stopped doing that, it would be okay, right? The thing is, you can’t live a life of “ifs.” And *if* he doesn’t hit you isn’t a reason to stay. It’s not a reason to keep trying if he’s hurting you emotionally. And if he has hit you? Get out. Now. You deserve better. You deserve happiness.

If you or someone you know is or could be in an abusive relationship, call 1−800−799−7233 anytime for help and support. No matter how much you love someone, no one is worth that kind of pain. No one is worth any kind of pain..

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Aspiring to be the next Tina Fey, Rachel spends her free time doing nothing to reach that goal. While judging people based on how they use "they're" vs. "there" on social media, she likes eating buffalo chicken dip, watching other people's Netflix, and wearing sweatpants way more than is socially acceptable.