How to Unsubscribe, a.k.a. Get Off Board

How to Unsubscribe;
For those of you who desire to be rid
of the repeated nagging embellishments
and fact filled joys of this Amphi-Lovers
bulletin board, I've outline seven simple
methods that can be used to completely
and forever remove yourselves from our
amphibious world.

1. Buy a new computer! Your old one is
hopelessly linked to our web toed world
and cannot be freed without substantial
hardware and software reconfigurations.
Quite honestly a new computer is a much
cheaper avenue and then you can brag to
your hostage juvenile audience how cool
your new computer system is.

2. Change all your email accounts to some
new carrier! This is has its drawbacks
naturally, and you will no doubt lose over
half of your mailbox contacts. However,
most of those people really didn't want to
receive your email anyway, so now you can
intrude into their lives all over again
with a new email handle. Might I suggest
something like "TheAnti-Amphi@Hades.com"

3. Learn to simulate dyslexia! Surround
your computer monitor with an array of a
dozen or more mirrors in a dimly light room.
Your gift for inaccurately following the
simplest instructions will be enhanced to
levels not previously thought possible
with the human brain. You will be the
envy of idiots and simpletons the world
over. Eventually, like a million monkeys
on a million computers you will stumble
upon the key to unsubscribe.

4. Seek the best therapy money can buy!
Find a therapist that will help you control
those deep seeded tendencies in which you
constantly find yourself "wanting to be removed."
These are not healthy thoughts. With sufficient
psychotropic drugs and electroshock you may find
you would rather be a part of something... anything.

5. Contact an Amphi-Lover member OFF-Line for help!
This is a bit of gamble really, as not all members
empathize as well as Bilgemaster and I. The risk
here is that you request help from an unsympathetic
member who broadcasts your unsubscribe plea for
everyone else to read and laugh at. The horror...
the horror...

6. Post to all Amphi-Lover members ON-Line for help!
Oh sure, there will be some ridicule and laughing at
you, but you will be recognized as clearly being
confused and/or have a massive pair of............
egos! In either case someone might help you, or
maybe not, but at least you tried. Eventually the
bulletin board administrator will take pity on you
and do with two simple key strokes what you have
been totally unable to comprehend.

7. Obtain an Amphicar ride for yourself!
It is strongly recommended you do this BEFORE
attempting to unsubscribe. Who knows, maybe
you'll want to remain in our midst, even become
one of us and buy your very own Amphicar.
Besides anyone who gives you an Amphi ride
should NOT know of your desire to get off the
Amphi-Lovers board - otherwise you could be
handed a 200 pound anchor and given a little
nudge overboard. Overboard - Offboard,
same thing more or less.