English and Hindi poetry and prose, published as well as experimental. Book reviews, essays, translations, my views about the world and world literature, religion, politics economics and India. Formerly titled "random thoughts of a chaotic being" (2004-2013).

Thursday, December 13, 2007

"Sir, for five dollars per hour only, I'll sleep for you. I don't need to know what you do with your extra waking hours sir, and I will keep my sleep secret," says a yawning Ram to a caller from Unites States.

Ram opened his sleep BPO in the sleepy nineties. People who laughed at him back them, were caught napping when the Y2K boom came. Ram had hired a team of five hundred sleepers by then. The company has grown like Kumbhkaran by now, and is voted as the best company to work for by the entire employee world.

"It wasn't easy to find the right people for the job. Most of the sleep deprived customers demand that their consolation sleep must be peaceful and natural. No sedatives, no drugs must be used. Plus, I need to ensure that the sleep starts and ends at the designated hours. To have the sleepers report at the right time requires a team of fifty strong men, assisted by fifty women who have the best irritating high pitch voice that can be found in the whole of our state."

The software boom and doom came and went, and the whole sleep business continued to flourish. The company went public in early 2003, and the initial responses were very sluggish. Yet by the end of 2003, Ram had become one of the youngest sleeping billionaires of the world.

"The nature of my business is such that I cannot worry too much about how markets are behaving. Our product is unusual, but it is the demand of our time to have a collaboration between sleepers and non-sleepers to take the world economy forward."

Ram has set high standards in the business. He still keeps at least twelve hours of sleep for himself, making sixty dollars a day from his own naps.

"My best employees work up to one hundred and fifty hours a week. I don't allow them to go beyond the magical figure of seven hundred and fifty dollars per week. These employees wake and sleep as required and eat in intermissions that last anywhere between twenty to thirty minutes."

Ram chuckles when I ask him about his Sleep Research Institute.

"We call it the Awake Section of our company. The scientists were hired from some of the best universities of the world. Cheng-Fu is a Complexity and Synchronization PhD from MIT, and models the influence of Dollars versus Euro on sleep patterns. John is a biologist, who is interning with us, and he has taken a year off from his doctoral studies at Harvard. He has been buying our sleep for last ten years. When he was selected for internship, we agreed to give him a lifetime sleeping partner in return. Lee is a social anthropology graduate from Columbia and is here to examine sleep in his pursuit of the complete understanding of "The Sleeping Races: Historical perspective, regional influences and patterns of slumber evolution". His book with be published by my flagship company, "Neend" (Hindi word for Sleep) and the company is owned and managed by my daughter of the same name. Last year our Sleep Research Institute issued ten patents, and published hundred articles in world renowned journals in science, arts and mathematics. Neend published five best sellers, all written to ensure that half a page is enough to induce a nap."

There is a huge team of support staff that manages cleanliness, food, health and sound respectively.

"I personally slept through auditions of over five hundred lullaby singers, before hiring our current team of twenty. We have an American Idol finalist and an Indian idol winners in our team, and their salaries match the record deals most companies condescendingly offered to them.

The sound team has worked very hard to ensure that lullabies reach the person in question. We eventually helped Apple to develop I-headphones, which are a rage in world market now. Also our sound engineers have developed a device to convert the snores of our on-duty sleepers into a hum that is mixed with harmonies from the classics written by Mozart (in his sleep), and recycled into the sleeping quarters.

Since we are a socially conscious company, we have ensured that our employees are between age of twenty one and sixty-one. For just two dollar per hour surcharge, we can match sleeping partners by age or sex, if the need be. "

When I ask him about food that is offered to his employees, he insists that all the food is home-cooked, low on oil and fat, and induces good sleep as it is "very very very tasty".

"We cannot compromise on two things: sleep and food. I think the modern age has turned eating into an act similar to filling in gas or petrol. We seek the old ideal in sleeping and eating. This is our contribution to the mankind. Our company has been recognized by the WHO, the UNESCO, the Indian Government as well as the World Yawn Sleep Yawn Sleep Council for our attempts at keeping the world average of sleep at levels comparable to the happiest times in the world history. The fact that there was hardly a time like that ever, means my small but dedicated team has kept the average going. We are of course helped by scores of people around the world who take sleeping as seriously as we do. The only difference being that we are paid to sleep."

After finishing the interview, I am offered the most exotic, yet simple diet of home-cooked Indian food. A huge glass of buttermilk, lassi, is placed before me as an appetizer. I eat with relish and after the sumptuous meal, I am offered a very relaxing massage. Thereafter, I am lulled into repose by a melodious, sensuous voice that fills my ear with darkness and peace. When I wake up ten hours later, ginger tea is served to get me going. I leave with five books from Neend publishers, twenty CDs with lullabies in every major language, and a Gift card worth three hundred hours of sleep . I came in with a smirk, for the idea of Sleep BPO seems so ridiculous at first. My interview opened my eyes to the wonderful world of Sleep Studies, Sleep Sociology as well as economic benefits of sleep.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

I suppose we should make a distinction between the most popular blogger (which is what a populist sulekha contest would end up being) vs the best poet or a writer on the forum. The best writer or poet would invariably be the one who can be considered publishable, and compose articles or poems or short stories that will stand the test of time. The best writer will possess the hallmark virtues of his or her craft: painstaking research, correct grammar, inspired thoughts and ideas, creative diction and honest voice. The most popular blogger can simply be a person who convinces enough people to cast vote, can bribe them into it, or use flattery or some other appeal to garner votes, and need not know how to even write one paragraph of material than can pass as artistic.

Let us just call the contest "the most popular blogger of sulekha". I know we live in a democracy, but greatness in science and arts can be never measured by mere popularity index. Else we would have discarded the theory of evolution, Newton's laws, theory of relativity, James Joyce, Salman Rushdie, Keats, Ramdhari Singh Dinkar, Gurudutt's movies, Jaane bhi do Yaaro, Masoom, Satyajit Ray, Ravi Shankar, S. Chandrashekar, Premchand and Ghalib. (A Zauq was more popular than Ghalib.) Of course, they who swear by popularity index will disagree, though there was a time, not too long ago, when even democracy was an unpopular ideal.

I am adding more material copied from what I posted in the comments section.

The idea that everyone is awesome and equal is an old Marxist ideal. If I were to subscribe to it, there will be no difference between the man who drinks everything his wife earns and sleeps all day long, and a man who works extra shift at night to ensure his kids get the best education. Both men serve a purpose, and both are human beings. Yet there is both a subjective and objective differentiation. There is a clear demarkation between a painting by me and by Van Gogh. Everyone is not a Lata Mangeskar.

As long as we are singing in our own bathrooms, any song, be it out of tune, will work. If we get on the stage to sing, it becomes our responsibility to ensure that what we are singing qualifies as a song. We cannot give everyone the first prize, usually because everyone doesn't deserve the first prize. Similarly, we must not award a singer the first prize because his or her dress is the prettiest, or he or she is the most popular kid in the block.

What anyone writes is his problem. If I am expected to read something, served to me as "the best writing from an Indian blog site with maximum subscribers", and if I see it is a farce, a populist piece with no creativity in it, it becomes my problem.

The standard of excellence must be identified before calling something as brilliant: the idea is simple, yet most people don't value the difference between good, popular and great. In few rare cases, good is popular as well as great. Most of the time, they are three different things.

We have let the celebration of ordinary overwhelm our appreciation of extraordinary. There has not been a non-English writer of value in India for over a decade now. Even the English greats are either foreign educated or live outside the country (and hence were picked and showcased ny foreigner before we started to appreciate them). Do we know why?

AND MORE

I have always had problem with the concept - "Power in hand of people where it really belongs" - for this requires a big responsibility and sensibility on part of voters. Indian democracy (and American too) indicates that 1) people typically chose the "least bad" rather than "most good" from "politically correct, sometimes inept" candidates 2) most of the people never vote, and more than half of those who do, vote against the eventual winner (usually, not always). But you know this already.

Perhaps a look at blogging sites beyond sulekha will enable us to see what difference quality makes to the written word. I agree that sulekha always attracts a pool of exceptionally good writers. So there could be Kishore Kumars and Rafis (and even if you think they cannot be compared, remember that they both always competed for Filmfare and National Awards) , but my point is about distinguishing between Kishore Kumar, Bhimsen Joshi, Bathroom Singer and braying donkeys. I suppose some of us don't think blogging community offfers that range, but it is a human tendency. Our own selves and writings offer this range too, and I value an occasional piece you or I write which rises beyond our typical hogwash. I produce a lot of hogwosh, and so does everyone else, but unless we call "keechad: keechad" (mud as mud), we will not value the lotus that blooms there.

There might be a handful good movies made as opposed to hundred run of the mill. We do revisit those handful and remember them and are influenced by them. I hope to challenge people to remember that there is always that handful that must get a louder response and applause that the other hundred.

Yet maybe that handful doesn't need a loud applause. There are writers who write because they must. They strive, for they believe that becoming better is their duty. They write quite well, but it is mainly for their own satisfaction. They will perhaps only shake their heads and leave the room when the crowd becomes too loud.

(Since there have been a lot of comments, adding some more views I expressed in my responses)

I suppose if many of the sulekha bloggers who claim that there are no good or bad blogs are asked to pick a cricket team for India, they will have half a billion acceptable players, and maybe they will include a few players who don't know how to play, just to encourage them, and ensure no one feels left out. Such mentality is responsible for underperformance of an entire nation, and it is outrageous that equality of opportunity is confused with equality of reward by so many educated people. I hope my dissent against the people who wish to reduce everything and everyone to the lowest common denomitaor will be heard by more and more commentators. A healthy competition only produces better players and challenges us to give our best performances.

I respect the Sulekha Management for creating a forum, a network, rather than just a plotform (like blogger is), for writing. The ideal is "sulekha" and that ideal needs to be realized by they who write or comment on writings. The standard of writing in sulekha is as bad as in a classroom, and yet it also throws up very good pieces every now and then. It may not win a popularity contest, and it might be a reward in itself, yet if we see it, we should applaud it. Similarly grammar, word choices, and criticism are integral part of the belief system of good writers. Writers who care for "sulekha"!

The dream of becoming rich or famous is a curious one: for it requires more effort and sacrifices than a common man can afford. Yet people still dream and want the rewards, without worrying about the means.

My motivation or undercurrent of current piece was to stress the importance of scholarship (which requires hard work, enormous talent and solitude) in writing. No noble prize winning writer ever had the time or energy to sit and network with people. Yet we value their work for their writing, and if we wish to become better writers, we ought to value good writing, aspire for it, celebrate it and honor it. Similarly, we have to recognize that there are good and bad writers, and we have to continuously examine our own writing. It is patient and painstaking struggle. Are we up for it?

What was Madhuri doing in Aaja Nachle? It might require more soul searching than NRI Madhuri Dixit can afford. I suppose the writer and director of the movie could answer the question. But had they, rather HE, had raised the question at the onset, Madhuri wouldn't have been there. She wouldn't have flown in to give interviews on Karan Johar Koffee show or judge and dance in Nach Baliye. Maybe after the movie was made, Madhuri could have been edited out.

If such a thing, I mean, editing was introduced, half of the movies in Indian cinema will require re-shoots. Their every reel could go into the recycle bins. Of the remaining half, most would end up as short movies: chopped to quarter of their intended lengths. A lot of people could loose their jobs. Item numbers, where scantily clad models, enter a village fair on buffalo, could become difficult to justify. Kid Roshan would have fewer scenes to cry. Salman Khan wouldn't waste time in wearing shirts that fly off within two minutes of his on-screen appearance. If editing was introduced, sulekha.com and most of the blogger space would become like a wasteland: where crops can't grow, for they require too much labor, and grass cannot exist, for it is uprooted like weed. In the interest of environment and unemployment issues, we must allow sloppy movies to exist. But that can be accomplished at lower costs. Why waste so much money over a Blue Sanwariya (that Dostoevsky has sued posthumously), have Madhuri in unedited version of Aaja Nachle, have Celina in Red when Mona Chopra can show more for less money in Red Swastik?

When I was a kid, I saw Ramleela in our village. It was entertaining . It installed local kids and men into a stage persona. The roles were well defined and the dialog was powerful. The audience fell awed, inspired, pious, happy and blissful. I guess it worked so well as they used a GOOD story written by Valmiki or Tulsidas, and modified it using their own interpretation and dialect. There were few props, local lighting schemes, and innovative intermissions. The Laila Majnu show enacted in Aaja Nachle is not worth the fake hair on the knitted tail of Ramleela's monkeys. What was Madhuri doing in it anyway? Did it appeal to her? Did she say to herself, "Wow! My comeback movie has an awesome climax." Did she think that she is the fairy Godmother of Cinderella fame? But then if she is the fairy, why is she the center of the movie? Hasn't she read the bedtime stories for her daughters? Maybe she didn't see the rational for making role of a fairy godmother fairly short.

In copying Rang De Basanti, the director forgot that in that movie, the audience invested interest in the "actors" of the re-enacted freedom struggle. While Aamir or Sidharth died, the role of the woman who inspired them was minimal (and she wasn't saying Ishq, Ishq and dancing). These directors irritate my sensibility the most. Even when they copy from a great example, they make so many mistakes, that they fail to get the "just pass" score. Even if they manage to "just pass" using frame by frame transliteration of an English movie or scene, I find it incredible that they claim to be geniuses. If they are geniuses, every photo-copier machine or man working on it, is an equally respectable genius.

Konkona Sen Sharma is an awesome actress, Kunal, Irfan and Divya are good presences, but why are they wasting their time? They should have signed up for the same movie, rewritten, with Madhuri out of the frame, director replaced and songs reduced to silence. To expect a logic, a flow is considered a sin for a Bollywood enthusiast. I am a Bollywood enthusiast, and if I am supposed to like Aaja Nachle or Neal n Nikki or KANK or Tara Rum Pum, I don't understand why I must not equally favor Mithun movies like Chandaal, Shapath or C-grade movies like Sparsh - The Touch? If I want to suspend disbelief, I will rather watch Rajnikant defy age, gravity, quantum and classical mechanics as well as laws that govern intelligence of chimpanzees, than cheer for a cast, a director that is an eyesore to me after all the lies they serve during the publicity.

Madhuri, no offense, but even your dance moves were cliched, as was the theme song of this movie. You actually looked very average as a heroine, and looked ridiculous in the play Laila Majnu. Perhaps you need to get back to theater and learn new tricks. You are pretty, but we have too many pretty dancers who can give you run for money now. Aunty Madhuri, you must learn to distinguish between good and bad scripts. We, who liked you once, pined for you when you left, but we have grown up, and we have grown out of it. Unfortunately, you need a role like Saagar, but if you plan to copy Saagar, you will need to do it right. Yes! You might have thought that all of India is dying to see you, but since you left, we have acquired better taste, actresses and directors. We almost have!

Would you please request the Director to edit you out of Aaja Nachle in the DVD release? The controversy will sell the DVD, and trust me neither the flow of the movie nor the story would be affected. If you expect us to give a standing ovation to the movie or Laila Majnu enacted in the movie or to your performance, Forget it! If you think we are too lazy to think while watching your movie, we are even lazier when it comes to Standing up and saying: What nonsense! or Applause, Applause!

Vivek is a published poet. He reads & writes in Hindi and English. His poetry and essays in English are published in Poetry, Atlanta Review, The Cortland Review, Kartika
Review, Bateau, Muse India, Reading Hour, etc. He contributes columns and verses to Divya
Himachal (Hindi newspaper in India). Vivek's first collection, "Saga of a Crumpled Piece of
Paper" (63 poems, English, Writers
Workshop, Calcutta) was published in 2009.

Vivek spend his childhood in Himachal Pradesh and undergraduate years in IIT Delhi. He pursued a doctoral degree at Georgia
Tech, Atlanta (2003-2008) and he was a postdoctoral research associate in
Mechanical Engineering at Massachusetts Institute of Technology,
Cambridge (MA) (2008-2012). He currently resides in Chicago.