So Johnny Depp & Amber Heard Is Happening

Rumors have been flying that Johnny Depp left Vanessa Paradis for Amber Heard which got even worse last week when word got out that he bought her a horse even though rich people buy each other crazy shit all the time and Amber Heard has a girlfriend. Or at least she had one until finally realizing nothing can satisfy the ham wallet like a penis that’s half-flaccid from prolonged heroin use. It’s how nature intended it. Via Starpulse:

A source tells In Touch magazine, “They are no longer in a relationship.”
The split fuels rumors linking Heard to her The Rum Diary co-star Johnny Depp, who confirmed earlier this month that he and longtime partner Vanessa Paradis had broken up after 14 years.

Crazed Abandon…Johnny Depp is not a pretend lesbian…he definitely likes females. I’m just trying to find two pictures that bridge the divide between him being undeniably hot and this current look. No luck yet since I think it was a slow progression over time.

I can’t wait for the new Short Circuit. Johnny Five is the best! That Wall-e looks like a cheap rip-off… I also just got a copy of Short Circuit on Blu-Ray. The sound and picture quilaty is sooo amazing!!! It was like being a kid again and watching it for the first time in theaters.

The irony of this is that Johnny Depp has had plenty of gorgeous costars over the years, and no matter how secure Vanessa Paradis is, she had to worry about each one a little bit. When she heard he was going to do a movie with Amber Heard, she probably went “Finally, I can rest easy. This one prefers vagina.”