How my journey as a submissive led me closer to God

Month: September 2015

There is a certain amount of training that goes into a D/s relationship. Learning your Master’s rules. His expectations. Learning to obey. Learning to give Him everything…the good, the bad, the ugly and the part of you that’s been hidden away for so long. It’s a process.

And for the headstrong submissive, it can be a bit challenging at times.

I find it most challenging to give M everything. I only want to give Him the good, the shiny, the polished, the organized part of myself. I try to pretend that the forgetful, ADD, scattered, emotional, overwhelmed person doesn’t exist. And then he sees the inside of my car, and that perfect, shiny illusion is shattered in a matter of seconds.

My life is full of responsibilities and sometimes I get so wrapped up in the “have-to’s” that I forget all of the “want-to’s” in my head. I think we all do that to an extent. I find myself so focused on the to-do list, that I sometimes forget that my number one responsibility is to be His. To give Him all of it, all of me. And if I do this, He will take my burdens away. Lucky for me, M is patient. He understands my reluctance and He gives me the time I need to turn over more and more to His capable hands.

This is all part of my training. At times, I do forget that I need to be trained. I am naturally submissive to Him, and I feel that I should innately know how to serve M best. And in some ways, this is true. But He is in charge and looking back, I see subtle ways that He has trained me.

When we walk into a store, a restaurant…or anywhere, I stand on his right side, slightly behind his shoulder and he takes my hand and leads me in to where we are going. There’s a feeling of safety. A feeling of protection. I like it.

When we go to a restaurant, He usually orders for me. He knows what I like and He will ask, “What sounds good to you tonight?” And if I say more than one item, he will choose which entree to order and that’s that. He never gets it wrong, he knows me so well. And on a side note…He will, at His discretion, order me a drink from the bar. Sometimes I think the man is just trying to get me drunk to have His way with me….but He has his way with me anytime, anyway, without the drinks.

He has trained me to have an almost Pavlovian response to certain phrases.

“Assume the position.” (This means on the bed I am to be on my knees, presenting myself for His use, close enough to His cock to pleasure and worship Him and within His nimble reach.) These words cause an immediate physical reaction that changes the humidity in a few seconds. In crass terms, these words make me soaking wet.

“That’s my good girl.” (M says this at different intervals, but almost always praises me when I cum for Him. When he sees I’ve let go and shed every layer of skin….torn down every wall and revealed myself to Him.) These words evoke a multitude of emotions. It makes me feel proud that He is pleased with me. It makes me feel small and submissive. It makes me want to be His very bad “good girl.”

“Cum for me” (I love the way these words sound whispered in my ear. The feel of his breathy voice is an automatic turn-on. And to be quite frank, these words…His command…produces almost immediate results. He has trained me so thoroughly, that I will cum on command and let go with abandon.

“Suck my cock, little slut” (Holy mother of Don Draper, those words….those words flip a switch in my brain that turns me into a voracious slave, eager to savor every inch of Him.)

I think it’s fascinating how mere words can produce such a response. I love that He has such control over me. That He can elicit such intense reactions from simple phrases. I often fantasize that we are in a public place where he leans over and whispers one of these catchphrases in my ear and I immediately begin to salivate from my head to my toes. I turn into a shameless mess of a woman, my only goal to pleasure Him and serve Him.