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Are you too much into sport?

Leaping Larry

It's the blight that tears relationships asunder, or at least makes some people in them a little shirty. It strikes at one in two Australian families. (Note: statistics in this column are entirely fabricated.) In short, it's the accusation that someone is ''too much into sport''. It can strike men, women, kids, and possibly even Sandy Roberts. But how can you tell if you ARE overly preoccupied with sport? We reveal the tell-tale signs.

THE TELL-TALE SIGNS

■Not only have you come close to blows over the ''traditional v broomstick'' putter debate, but you feel you may be, at any given time, close to blows on this vital issue.

■You have a rational, ordered position on the AFL 2013 draw which does not include the terms ''unequal'', ''blockbuster games'' or ''inevitable dog's breakfast''.

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■You are, at any point during this or any other year, concerned about Australia's Federations Cup draw. (Note this is not the same as ''Confederations Cup draw'', which would also make this list. However, that competition is a weird one in soccer, so only holds ''pretty much out there'' status, as opposed to women's team tennis which is, frankly, ''fishing in a different galaxy'' status.)

■On television, you recognise soccer teams from, say Scandinavian countries or Ukraine via club colours. You are not from Scandinavia or Ukraine.

■You can figure out that Duckworth-Lewis calculation in one-day cricket.

■Despite recent changes, you can still figure out what the AFL is doing with the new ''rational'' tribunal penalties system that was meant to replace and improve on the old, nominally not-quite-so-rational tribunal system.

■Despite being raised in Melbourne, with Australian rules football as your primary code, you can sit in front of the TV and dispute referees decisions with alacrity and authority in the code of rugby league. Arguably, if you can also do so in the code of rugby union, you should be part of some national scientific study of peculiarities in human brain function.

■You are thoroughly versed in the AFL draft-pick kiddies, yet are not Kevin Sheehan.