It was a vicious one. Filled with gender bias and turf wars and condescension and pride.

It all started yesterday, when the six members of our family—plus Cowboy Josh—embarked upon what will probably turn out to be about a four-month process of clearing out some barns, knocking down an old building or two, painting, repairing, and doing what all ranchers have to do from time to time in order to keep their homesteads from completely falling apart. Our homestead is a little on the older side, too, having been around for more than a couple generations. So we’ve got our work cut out for us.

One of our projects is an old rock barn on the property. We’re clearing some old stalls out of the barn so we can make the place more functional…and yesterday that involved breaking out a big pipe saw and a cutting torch.

When I saw Josh fire up the big saw and start cutting through the welds on the first stall, my eyes widened and I knew exactly what my life had been missing all these years. So I leaned over to Marlboro Man, who was removing some electrical wire from the ceiling, and shared my dreams with him.

“I want to do that,” I said.

“Do what?” he asked. “Here, take these staples.”

I took the staples and continued. “I want to operate that saw.”

“Nah,” Marlboro Man said.

I looked at him, still holding his staples. “Nah?” I asked incredulously.

“You’ll hurt yourself,” he clarified.

“I’ll hurt myself?” I asked, even more incredulously. I blinked my eyes deliberately and violently.

“Here, take these staples,” he said, handing me another ten or so.

I took the staples. I was his Staple Girl, it seemed.

“That thing’s dangerous, honey,” he explained.

“DANGEROUS, HONEY?” I asked. “But Josh is using it. Why can’t I?”

“You just can’t,” he said.

By this time I was fired up. “I can’t?” I said. It would be one thing for him to say “you shouldn’t“. But…”you can’t?” I’m two weeks older than this guy, and he’s telling me I can’t pick up and begin using something that belongs, by virtue of community property, to both of us?

“It’s too heavy,” he said.

“IT’S TOO HEAVY?” I said. C’mon, honey. I’m a robust country woman. I’ve carried your babies around for the past thirteen years. I can lift that saw.

“Here, take these staples,” he said.

I took the staples.

And then I started stewing.

Just how far would he take this “you can’t” thing, anyway? Say, just say for a minute, that I were to throw down the staples, walk over to Josh, and order him to set down the saw and step away from it? And just say for a minute that I were to tell Josh, “And give me those safety glasses while you’re at it!!!” and I put them on? And then just say, just for a minute, that I were to pick up the saw, fire it up, and start cutting that weld myself? What would Marlboro Man do? It’s not like he could stop me from using the saw if I really wanted to. I mean, he could come over and unplug it, I guess. He could call the sheriff. He and Josh and the kids could team up and wrestle me to ground and tie me up with a lasso and make me swear never to touch the saw again. But I’d just sneak out of the house after they all went to bed and use it anyway…if I really, really wanted to. I could wait till they all went to work cattle one day, then fire up that saw and saw through every weld on our homestead…if I really, really wanted to. So really, “you can’t” doesn’t enter in to this scenario here. Not on my homestead. Not on my watch.

But then I looked at Marlboro Man.

And then I looked at his goatee.

And I realized it’s possible he just didn’t want me to get hurt.

And I realized it’s quite possible he didn’t want to mess up his good saw.

So I just followed him around and held his staples.

It was Valentine’s weekend, after all. I didn’t want to ruin the mood.

And really, I didn’t even want to use the saw all that much. I just wanted to see what he’d say.

So we instantly made up.

Even though he didn’t know we’d even had a fight.

The End.

___________________________

This post brought to you by Families Left Ravaged by Erratic Hormone Levels.

Men are so silly sometimes! Thinking we are all weak and helpless. Last time I checked we were the only ones who could birth a baby…no easy feat. Have a good Valentine’s Day. Hope it is filled with hope, love and inspiration.

25

Mischele On Sunday, February 14 at 10:22 am

He’s so sweet and protective. I read somewhere that nothing sucks like the moment in the middle of the argument when you realize the other guy might be right.

26

Lisa On Sunday, February 14 at 10:22 am

i love the way you love and respect him! you’ll still be lovin’ when you’re old and grey! happy valentine’s day!

27

Beckie On Sunday, February 14 at 10:23 am

Be careful how much you show you can do, you might be doing it all next time! Ask me how I know.

I love those fights I have in my head with my husband. In mine though, I usually visualize a courtroom and jurors and we bought plead our cases. My jury always comes back with “he’s a jackass” verdict!

I would be just fine being the staple girl. Heavy lifting, big saws, possibly hurting myself… not so much my speed, and I am a tough, strong minded new york city woman, but being the staple girl works for me.

Kathy in Utah On Sunday, February 14 at 10:26 am

What cracks me up the most about that one is the “even though he didn’t know we’d even had a fight”. I say that around here sometimes too. I’ll say that my hubby and I had a fight and then I’ll correct that sentence with “I had a fight”. Hee, that’s so funny.

Sarah On Sunday, February 14 at 10:33 am

I think you should have got yourself a good tutorial on ‘saw use’ and then had a go at it! You could do it! BUT, it is awesome that you didn’t let the scene ruin your whole day, especially since it was Valentine’s day. You’ve got my respect, with or without the saw!

44

Lisa On Sunday, February 14 at 10:33 am

I love it! My hubby and i fight like that all the time:)

45

GA in GA On Sunday, February 14 at 10:33 am

Well, it is a pretty big saw. And the ranch is a pretty good piece from town, where there are surgeons and hospitals. And since you are the mother of 4 punks. I think MM may be just thinking of protecting all that he loves.

Or he is a typical male who thinks women cannot do things like saw through pipes with humongous saws.

Or well . . .

Happy Valentine’s Day, Ree. Thank you for sharing with us.

46

Anna On Sunday, February 14 at 10:33 am

Thank you, that made me laugh!

47

Munchiedog On Sunday, February 14 at 10:34 am

Love your post! My Dad will not let me drive his car or even sit on his riding lawn mower, but it is okay for my brother because he is from the male species~
Happy Valentines Day!!

Driving home from a basketball game yesterday I too had an argument with my sweetheart . But it was over the issue of ME coaching one of our sons as opposed to him. He told me “You might not be able to do it.”

Might not be able to do it?

Really?

I snapped. I snapped big time. Then I went home and ate some chocolate covered strawberrys and wondered why I even cared.

Becky On Sunday, February 14 at 10:41 am

Nope – stay away from the big saws – he really does know best in some situations – and yes – he doesn’t want you, or Josh, or the punks or the animals or anything hurt – he is THE PROTECTOR – a good role and one he obviously fills quite well – probably as well as those jeans of his but that’s another story entirely. Be safe and blood red isn’t purty on red heads.

your stories always make me smile, thank you for sharing your life with us!

70

marietta On Sunday, February 14 at 10:54 am

Been haveing those exact same “discussions” with hubby for the last 29 years..wonder if thats why were still together? And yes me too, I know I can do it….I just want his response/reaction. PW you and your wonderful family are a delight! Thnx for opening your heart, life, and computer up to all of us….Your whole site is such a breath of fresh air, sunshine in our days and a reafirmation of all the Blessings from heaven!!

Jan On Sunday, February 14 at 10:56 am

LOL! OMG, my husband and I have fights like this too!! ive been know to hormonally carry on a fight like this for HOURS in my head. and im the screw, nail, staple, falling pieces girl, or the wrench, screwdriver, doohicky girl:)

73

Michelle McGlynn On Sunday, February 14 at 10:59 am

Hilarious story! Also wanted to weep with joy when you twittered “I want a cat”. You do, you really really do. After being a dog lover for 20some years of my life, a black and white tuxedo tomcat stole my heart. He was feral and now he is truly my love. I have never been the same since…
Get a cat, you won’t be disappointed.

That’s a little like the fights we have when I dream my husband had an affair. And I’m quite mad at him usually for an entire morning. And then I get over it. And forgive him. Because I’m like that.

81

Nutrition Mama On Sunday, February 14 at 11:05 am

Great story!
Early in our marriage someone asked my husband how he handled me. Hubby laughed and said “You don’t HANDLE my wife, you gently GUIDE her.”
I knew then that we would be together forever.
Nothing gets me worked up quicker than telling me I can’t do something, and since he knows that too, he won’t say those words to me!
Happy Valentine’s Day!

I swear we are related. Is there really ANYthing worse than being told you Can Not do something? The difference between you and me though… at some point during the day, that saw would have been in my hands!

LOL! My hubby knows better than to tell me “No, you can’t.” He’s seen me in action manhandling equipment, moving tons of rock and dirt with a shovel and wheelbarrow, or tearing down a wall. He knows that saying it like that it tantamount to an “I DARE You!”

Besides, my mom has filled his head of tales of my Grandmother, who once took a sledgehammer and knocked a hole through an outside, load bearing wall while her country Dr. husband was out on call – all because he told her, “No, you can’t have a bathroom in here. We can’t punch a door in that wall. The house will fall down.” She got her bathroom.
My mimi was TOUGH!

84

Tasha On Sunday, February 14 at 11:08 am

I totally get it. And I love the resolution.

85

na post On Sunday, February 14 at 11:09 am

Real life, so funny when lived by wise people. Happy Valentine’s Day to you and your family.

Yaya2Three On Sunday, February 14 at 11:16 am

I am laughing out loud!
…how lucky your kids are to have been born to you two!!!
You always warm my heart when I read your posts. Thank you! I haven’t had a honey in quite a while and when I see a cpl who makes it all work, I applaud youI

92

Rachel Bozorth On Sunday, February 14 at 11:18 am

I have had so many imaginary fights with mt husband – usually about once a month. I always end up calling my sister and ranting in her ear for a while – a little empathy goes a long way in getting me to a more rational state. In fact, my sister has probably saved my marriage. She’s the best.

You are so funny! And you are also in love, and I like that about you and your MM! Wonderful.

94

Madeline St Onge On Sunday, February 14 at 11:19 am

That’s the best kind of fight, thanks for the giggles
Happy Valentine’s Day

95

Carol Hunter On Sunday, February 14 at 11:21 am

Funny! Yep, it’s one thing if the hubby tells me “I prefer you didn’t……” But to tell me I CAN’T is something else!!

You go girl! LOL!

96

Hostagal On Sunday, February 14 at 11:21 am

“Even though he didn’t know we’d even had a fight.
The End.”

I LOVE THIS! Seems like this is 98.99% of the fights we–I have in this home!
This way, only one person gets upset, while the other one just keep going along-with no problems in his life!

97

Beth On Sunday, February 14 at 11:21 am

You are so funny. You capture that psychotic feminist ( and I mean that in a good way) hormonal event perfectly. You must have a good marriage if you can conduct that fight all the way to its completion on your own! Love it! But some how I think you will learn how to use that saw!

98

Shannon Rice On Sunday, February 14 at 11:22 am

I’m glad you chose not to make the “saw incident” bigger than it could have been. Personally, I wouldn’t want to man the saw,…that’s what I call grunt work, and it’s for boys! Ha Ha!

99

Linda in Linden,VA On Sunday, February 14 at 11:24 am

I just love the fact I can have a full-out, knock-down fight with my husband, and he doesn’t even know it! What races through a woman’s brain happens at the speed of light: disagreement, yelling, he-said-she-said, resolution all within a millisecond while my husband spends that simple millisecond tossing his dirty socks on the floor.