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Ultimate Humiliation

I have left the psycho world of the Depression site. Wow.......crazy!
Anyway, I went there this morning because I have something that is really bothering me and I was going to post the issue until I saw all the behavior there. I wouldn't want advice from any of them.

So, with that said; I feel totally humiliated and need to vent.
My husband never wants sex. I want it all the time. He is a cowboy and spends a great deal of time in the saddle so that can have a great effect on the prostrate. Therefore, I made an appointment for him to see the doc. She said he was fine and gave him a script for viagra. Well, if I want to have sex with a stiff dick, I will use my dildoe. There is more to love making than just a hardon. He just says he has no desire or labido. Anyway, he has never been one to look at dirty magazines or porn on the web until recently it appears. He was looking at porn on the internet and got a computer virus.
I was mad at first because he dosent show me the time of day. He always tells me he loves me but that is it.
Now I just feel totally humiliated because I had to send my computer to town today to get fixed and someone else can see that my husband is looking at porn. I feel if he was happy with me, he wouldn't be on those sights.
I feel insecure and humiliated. I made him come home from a job site today and take the computer in!
He also never acknowledges my pain from the FM. He says I can do something about it like exercise and keep doing all the stuff I need to around the ranch.
Damn..........I am so mad right now and feel like an idiot.
Ok, I will stop whining.

Dear Wyatt,
I too have wanted to post things in the depression rooms but I never do because of all the childish behavior.
I am so sorry that you are going through this. In my house porn is not allowed. I don't see the reason why my hubby should have it when he has me. Maybe it's because of the way I was raised but even still. I have very low self esteem and I am not the most fit person.
To me if my hubby looked at porn that would only make me feel worse and the few times that I have found it in our house , he has promtly gottne rid of it.
I hope that your husband comes to his senses and (i'm sorry) quits being a jerk. The fact that he doesn't understand what you are going through with your fm is enough but then to have this on top of that.
If you ever need to talk or just vent feel free to message me. HUGS

Don't know whether I'm the right person to comment on this, but I was married for a long time to a sex addict whose addiction manifested itself mostly in an obsession with porn. I know some people are going to say it's perfectly normal, but &quot;normal&quot; is all a matter of degree. In the same way that drinking a couple of beers is normal, and getting drunk every day is not, porn can be a serious problem. My ex didn't want to have sex with me very often, and I thought it was a libido issue, but then I found out about the porn, and how much, and how long it had been going on, and realized that it wasn't sex he didn't want - it was just sex with ME he didn't want. That was beyond humiliating, and heartbreaking.

OK now that I've given you the bleak side, hopefully someone will balance the score and give you the &quot;normal and health&quot; routine. I truly hope your hubby is not experiencing porn addiction, and that maybe he's just looking for a way to jump start his libido.

Peace, I used to think it was a labido thing until last night, now I feel it is me. He is kissing my ass today and I don't even want him near me. Then to top it off, I have to explaine to the computer tech and he is seeing what my husband looks at while he is fixing my office computer.
God, am I that blind that I thought we had a great marriage with only small issues and now I am thinking it is me he dosnt want.
This really helped my self esteem.

Well...I don't have much of an opinion about the porn but at the end of your thread you pointed out that he says you can do something about your FM? Hmmmmm....kind of makes you think. If you can do something about your FM, what is he willing to do about his libido? On a side note, I wouldn't worry about the computer tech...they've seen it all and your computer will be no different than what they see daily already! Sorry you're having a bad time of it. I'm thinking of you.

t is a little ironic that he got a computer virus from looking a porn - not funny at all, but interesting. Sort of like computer VD from a computer hooker. I bet if that happened more often to men to like computer porn, it might help remedy the problem.

I agree with you about the computer tech. They've seen and heard it all and I bet they will be thinking nothing of it when they are fixing your computer. Heck, they might, themselves, be closet computer porn fans. Try not to worry about what they might or might not think. It's truly no reflection on you. Some women actually enjoy looking at it themselves and get into looking with their husbands. I had a couple of &quot;daring and racy&quot; friends that were like that. She would also take him to strip clubs and buy him lap dances -- I think she enjoyed it as much as he did...okay, I need to get back on track and back to my original point.

I agree about the FM/libido comparison. Try talking to him about it, of course, after you are back to the point of wanting him around. It's hard to talk about anything when you are so angry at someone you can't stand to look at them -- been there and I understand.

Maybe you can make it a joint quest to find ways to get around both obstacles and possibly you can find improvement for both of you.

OH bella.........I laughed so hard I had tears.
I thought of that too last night........oh neat he got VD from a pron sight!
Damn.......too funny.
Oh hell, life is funny if you think about it.
Im just mad that I have to beg for sex and then he is looking at the porn sight.
Good god.........Maybe he dosent want me anymore. I asked but he says he has no desire and that is why he was looking at the sight to see if it would arrouse him.
Good........that makes me feel great!
Oh well...........now he is kissing my butt. Brought me lunch from town even.

OK as the porn issue goes, thats actually best-case scenario, that he was looking at it hoping to feel something. I know it doesn't make you feel better, but it's a lot better than dealing with a porn obsession. Sounds like you both need to talk (as was said earlier, when you can stand to look at him again), and maybe see someone together - therapist, doc, I don't know - but sounds like outside help is called for.

From a different point of view. I love my husband with all my heart but would be perfectly happy to never have sex again. It wasn't always like this.... But I am tired, I hurt and I have no desire. The difference is that I rarely turn him down...I make sure he feels loved and special no matter how I feel.
Thats the give and take of a marriage in my oppinion!

the porn/ Virus thing was my first thought as well...to funny..{for Him, not you]..i simply do not allow any porn in this house...and honestly my husband has never has even tried...to me it is the same as cheating...we have had the conversations because he has a friend that will not touch his wife but will sit and look at porn, his wife is gorgeous !
Sex is a very important part of any healthy relationship...and he needs to Cowboy UP...sitting in a saddle all day, shit, I know lotsa old cowboys that still get it up &amp; it on !!
If he does not understand about your FM...well perhaps you should have a sit down with him...ask him how he really feels about You, if he sees you as his Life partner, because I can assure him this is gonna be a big part of your life and he needs to learn how to deal with it, how is everything else ??
do not feel like an idiot...geez...life is full of this stuff...and part of it is learning the way thru it all...

Porn/ Virus...good for him...I would put a Boot up his ass for that one !!

Hey! thanks for your support and feedback.
I think I just needed to be mad for a bit. We will see how I feel when he comes home tonight. I might have to get a tube of super glue out and use it when he goes to sleep.
Hugz to all.

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