Sunday, February 28, 2010

"I describe it as a nervous novice driving a wide car down a narrow alley, gotta make corrections and what it is , it's those big motors underneath gimbling underneath, you know swirling back and forth to keep you in balance. You feel by the seat of your pants, thinking gee that launch tower is just a few feet off the one side, I hope this sucker ain't gonna gimble in that direction too much and then when they tell ya launch tower cleared you kinda say oh wosh, we don't have to worry about hitting that moose, then off you go" Mike Collins Apollo 11.

Was watching In The Shadow of the Moon last night for like about the 20 gazillionth time and it really hit home how these astronauts who ventured to the Moon all had profound experiences, how all their lives had changed, so much so that what they once thought was important, now seemed trivial. Some even made major decisions about following God, it changed their lives, little things like not worrying about the price of gas any more, about crowded places like malls, Alan Bean is happy now there were people after visiting such a desolate place as the Moon.

After going through a life changing event myself I can relate to some of their thinking, let me make this perfectly clear, I don't pretend that what has happened to me is any worse then what has happened to a lot of other people, I know of people in far off worse places then I, serious illnesses and the such, but I know somewhat how they feel and what they are going through, but that's what it is all about , helping each other get through difficult times to the other side.

This blog post is something I have put off for a long time, I hope by reading it you will in some way benefit, maybe even help you get through your rough times. It's about how I handled an overwhelming situation by making what I feel to be the right lifelong decisions, and of course relating it back to the Apollo Missions, my most favorite thing ever, so here we go.

When it seemed no one was was there for me, God was. I said God look, just been told after 30 years of Marriage, the one I loved no longer wants to be with me, mostly my fault made some bad decisions, God said no problem, he is after all in the business of forgiveness, with Jesus, John 3:16 and all, He took me, put me in the command module, strapped me in, said hold on, and I was off.

Now the fun begins. Initially I was trying to make all kinds of course corrections early on with all the buttons at my disposal in my command module to try and get where I thought I had to get to, God of course was correcting my wrong corrections with the rocket's motors, pulling me away from the Launch Tower at just the right time, keeping me straight. It is reassuring that no matter how bad we continue to screw things up, God knows about it ahead of time, I mean it's not like he's up there saying "Wow...never saw that coming....any ideas, Peter...Jesus........anyone?" he is there to guide and correct you from as Mike Collins put it "hitting that moose" which is very comforting.

"Will metal stand this kind of vibration, have the engineers realized how this thing shakes? because it shakes so much more then I ever imagined." Alan Bean Apollo 12.

Since God is my engineer, he knew what I could stand, no matter what I was going through especially in the early stages of my adventure like getting off the launch pad and the forces at work against it, with God's help I got through it in one piece.

Actually very emotional, you know when God's guiding engines cut in, even though it shakes you to the core, you know you are going somewhere forward.

"You're not just riding along, a lot of people think you're just lying on your back waiting for it to happen, but not really, because every second is something of significance" Dave Scott Apollo15.

From the outside looking in it looks like the person who is working through a major upset is kinda just getting on when in reality, the person is changing their whole outlook on life, making decisions on the go, reflecting and growing, coming to grips with what has been dealt them and in my case couldn't have happened without God, Christ and the Holy Spirit to help me.

Once you get off the launch pad, into space and on to your new place, somewhere between where you were and where you're going, the blindfold comes completely off, you look behind to see where you came from getting smaller and smaller, but more important it's gravity or effect on you is less and less, your new destination on the other hand getting big and bigger and it's pull on you, it's gravity increases, the "why me".... "who's fault is it" questions start to fade away and the anticipation of a new start becomes more focused.

"I always thought of myself as one of the more fearful astronauts, really, and when I look out that window of the spacecraft I would think if that window blows out I'm going to die in about a second...there's death right out side there about an inch away." Alan Bean Apollo 12.

Sometimes, alone in your little command module, you do fret what God has in store for you, even though you are not alone, God is always there even though sometimes it feels like he's not. You vacillate between fear and exaltation.

"I didn't feel it as loneliness, I certainly didn't feel it as fear, I felt it as awareness almost a feeling of exaltation, I kind of liked it, good feeling, everything was going well in the command module, had my happy little home, had the bright lights on, everything was fine, I enjoyed that time."Mike Collins Apollo 11.

This post was not about me insomuch as what God has done for me, given me a richer fuller life, a greater appreciation for his creations, whether it be people, or the cosmos, oh and eternal life, not afraid of dying anymore. Where this blog goes from here is still unknown to me, won't be quite the same as I'm not quite the same, I'll still post some of my images, some reviews, who knows. Through it all God has placed key people in my life and even though it's quiet most times in my brightly lit command module their voices come through loud and clear on my com channel giving me words of encouragement and guidance, a lot have been my readers and I thank you for that, special mention to Astro- Nuts and Fishhawk who have been on the com almost daily.

"I felt that I was standing on a plateau, a plateau somewhere out there in space. A plateau that science and technology allowed me to get to but now what I was seeing, even more important, what I was feeling at that moment in time, science and technology had no answers for, literally no answers. Because there I was and there you are...there you are Earth, dynamic, overwhelming, and I felt that the world just...just too much purpose, too much logic, was just to beautiful to have happened by accident. There has to be somebody bigger then you and bigger then me and I mean this in a spiritual sense not a religious sense, there has to be a creator of the universe who stands above the religions that we ourselves create to govern our lives."

Eugene Cernan, Apollo 10&17, Last Man on the Moon.

I'll leave you now with my first Moon video taken years ago, kind of crude, but it shows that even though something that looks like it isn't going anywhere.... when you look up at the Moon for example.......well when you look real close, when you look under a magnifying glass, aka telescope at it you see nothing is constant, you see movement.

Hi! As I'm the wrong "Peter" for a start, there is little I can do to clear your muddy waters. Mind you, if I could pull a miracle out of my derriere to help you out, I would.

Although friends are needed in a time of crisis, they don't have to say much really, they just have to be around to listen and give a helping hand if called upon.

Visiting here is one of those things and I must say it wouldn't be the same without you...if you know what I mean!

From what you have written, you seem to be on track for keeping your head above water, and if there is one thing I can suggest to help you do this, is for you to continue the good work you're doing here, as it not only enriches your life, but ours as well. And that must be and is, a good thing.

To echo what Atro-Nuts said, "Awesome post Bob!!!" Perhaps just continuing with the underlying theme of this post might be a good way to go with this blog. For telling about how much things look differently to you now would accomplish much--even if you are never allowed to hear about it while still apart of this world. Hopefully, you will be. For being trapped in the vacuum of space has not been all that much fun for me, but He may have made you better suited for it.

By the way, thanks for the very honorable mention. Be assured that I have received so much than I have given out of our exchanges.

Thank you for sharing your story, Bob. I've been concerned about you. It sounds like you are in a good place though. Bottom line, we need to be right inside, and I hear that coming through. Live in the moment.

Thanks Colin, it was time to do this post, took lots of coaxing from God, some times we just have to take bold steps to move forward,you'll have to come over to see the movie, very inspirational, and thanks so much for your friendship.

Thank you Fishhawk for your insight on how to focus on getting to know God instead of knowing of him, you have been a great travelling companion, and I have received much more from you then you could ever have imagined.\m/\m/

I am pleased to read that you are getting back into the saddle. These things are never easy. Far from it, they are downright hard. But that's life, full of surprises. I guess the big lesson of life is, never take anything fro granted.

My friend, you are now a lifetime member of a club of people who share the same life experiences. Welcome. It's a large club, so you never have to feel alone. If there's one good thing that's come of all this PC nowadays, it's that there are support groups for practically every possible ailment, including divorced men and women. So if you get stuck, join a group and listen to how other folks have tackled their troubles. It can't hurt.

As to your post, I thought it was brilliant the way you mixed the stories of yourself with those of the astronauts. Well done. I am a big space fan, and I am totally disgusted with the way our current government is trashing our space program. Washington doesn't seem to have the wisdom to see how many jobs the space program created. I remember a time when everyone wanted to become an engineer, or a technician, so they could work in the space program, me included. And that's not to mention the hundreds of thousands of related jobs worldwide that were generated as a direct result of our space efforts. It's too bad there's not a support group for politicians. God knows they could use the help.

I fear the next flag we'll see on the moon or maybe even Mars will be from a hostile nation. What happens then? Will they stake out a claim of ownership? Owning the Moon or Mars, can you imagine that?

Take care and welcome back to the wild and weird world of blogging. I never thought I would be writing to friends in Canada, England, Australia, the Philippines, India and...well...you name it.

Bob you said it all, and I am glad that you are doing well. I am sure it wasn't easy. Every case in this world is unique, and even if you think your case wasn't as bad as others, it isn't true. Its all about each individual and how they handle unexpected. We all experience pain differently. Having said all that, I think you did well. I know you give credit to God a lot, but you should give yourself one too, since you didn't ignore him and you listened.

I must say too, this was one of the best posts you wrote. Everything is relative. Thanks for sharing, and as Peter said you should stick to blogging, it isn't just good for you, lol, but for us too.

Wow, you didn't strike me as a faith-ful person, Bob. Good for you! I'm glad faith has served to pull you through some tough times and to show you what's really important.

I think space travel combines such a high level of science and technology with such a base level of life-or-death decisions and just plain dumb luck, that it's a gut-wrenchingly elemental experience. I think it's a wonderful thing.

Thanks swubird, I am a part of a great Divorce group in town, great support, good to be around people who have gone through the same thing to see how they are holding up and handling it.

As far as NASA dropping the to the Moon program, sucks, the government would rather spend their money on the military, not a good choice, I call it the fight rather then flight program, not good for us at all, more likely as I've always said we will blow ourselves up before we get into space.\m/\m/

Thanks Anna, I did make the choice to follow God, so that was great, I see a lot of people in similar Divorce circumstances and they have carried pain and regret with them for many years, God took most of that away very early, God is so good to me, very lucky. The biggest decision was allowing God into my life and put me in the rocket.

I love this blog, it is part of me, I come to realize this about the same time I realized that I am a whole person without my wife, God loves me, so it made me feel worthwhile.

Thanks for your friendship and words of encouragement from the onset of the separation Anna.\m/\m/

Wow, what an awesome post. I too know how you feel, my husband died and it was awful to go through. It took a few years to get my feet back on the ground by when I did and I looked back I had come a long way to create a new life for myself. Yes, it was hard to do but I have learned and grown so much because of it. I am so glad that you are getting through this, I know it will take some time but you are going about it in the right way.

AngelBaby , you have been there for me from the beginning, thanks so much for sending those angels just when I needed them. Sorry to hear about your Husband, always hard to loose someone we were once one with, like a rip out of your soul. The good news, God repairs us and builds us back better than before and we start a new life whole.\m/\m/

It's never easy to break what seems to have become a habit ; but it's very encouraging to read how you are dealing with it. A very good post revealing the inside feelings one tends to hide. Wish you all the best Bob ; you deserve it!

A beautiful blog post with grace, faith and wisdom, Bob! I have been reading the book of Job lately and the last part of it really ROCKS. I pray your best experiences are ahead of you and that you have a great new journey in life.

You have been a fantastic friend to us and have many fine qualities. After what you have endured, the Lord is saying what Alan Shepherd Jr said, “A-OK full go.”

You are part of our inspriational family on the Internet and we love your friendship.

Man, what a delightful post. The way you structured it...man, it was simply beautiful.

I will not comment your personal experience, because it is personal; but I can tell you that I am so glad that God was there for you; that He showed you the way, that He guided you when you most needed :D. Halleluyiah!

Just know that you have friends (all over) and we are here for you :D!

Thanks Max, this blog has been a blessing for me with all the friends I have gained and lessons learned, thanks for all your emails of encouragement and super comments on my posts, your are a great friend indeed.

Perseverance Bob...you'll definitely get through it. Things always appear at their darkest when you're in the middle of the mess. You WILL get to the other side and look bad at all this as just another experience in life.

I loved the post ... very poignant.

Well, do take care my friend. Drop me a line from time to time unless of course you have something against Maritimers .. :-)

Hai JD, thanks so much for your words of encourgement! You have been a great travelling companion as well with your insightful blog and lessons I have learned from them, I will keep in touch with you, thanks again.

I recently came across your blog and have been reading along. I was very much impressed with your blog. Great post, we are easy to understand. I like this post.I found out that this blog is very interesting and informative.

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