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18 Jun 2016

Online Trolls

About a year ago or so I received a very negative comment on one of my posts. Basically telling me the way I write is rubbish and so on. That person was anonymous but I do think it must be someone who I know or someone who I have on certain social media sites. I am not the best writer, I am still learning. I have always struggled with writing and explaining things but what that person said didn't really effect me as much as I thought it would. I carried on writing and carried on blogging.

Friday morning I woke up and did my normal routine and look on my phone quickly before getting changed and getting the girls ready for school. I had a notification from Instagram, so I had a look. This was the comment I read: "Your stomach is unbelievably big. What did you conceive twins ? @lifeasmum_blog". Now, I don't usually get offended by people telling me my bump looks big but for some reason this comment did offend me. Was it my hormones? The way he/she wrote? I'm not sure. Anyway, I replied saying no and just one baby. Not long after I had another reply saying "Sure your husband really liked at you now ?" I got really confused by this comment because it doesn't really make sense but from what I understand this person is asking if I'm sure my partner really likes looking at me now or likes me now. I replied to him/her saying I didn't understand as it didn't really make sense. To then have a very sarcastic reply saying: "Sorry. I mean your husband will surely love the presence of the child to 3 @lifeasmum_blog" Now, doesn't that sound very sarcastic to you? It does to me!

I have always gained weigh through my pregnancies, all three of them. I am at my biggest in this pregnancy. I haven't gained as much as I did with my first or second though, which I am glad and I do have a good plan after this pregnancy and I do plan to get back into shape as soon as I can.I am 34 weeks and the last thing I need is someone bringing my relationship onto social media sites and asking if I am sure if he likes me now, because of how big my bump is and possibly because of how big I am too. Yes, an online troll should be ignored but when you get a comment on a photo about your appearance, something that is very personal to you, it's quite hard. Since I read that comment I haven't been able to stop thinking about it and I thought maybe writing it out will help. I'm not going to hide and lie about how I felt when reading the comment. I was still in bed and I cried. My girls came upstairs and I quickly wiped the tears away but of course, I was still upset and any little thing my girls did, I got wound up and took it out on them by giving them rows, rows that didn't need to be given. I felt guilty. I shook my head and just concentrated on getting them ready for school and I calmed down a little. It's been playing up in my mind all day. It took me so long to find something to wear. I wore my usual leggings but I struggled to find a top. I wanted a top that kind of didn't make me look as big, something that hid me. If that makes sense? In the end I decided to go with a loose swing top. Nearly every single day I will sit down or stand up in front of my mirror and be disgusted in the way I look. My bump is growing and I am in love with my bump but only because I know my son, my first little boy, is growing in there and growing healthily too. But my bump doesn't go with the rest of my body. I hate my shape, I hate how big I am, I hate the way look and I just hate everything about me. There's been countless of times I have thought to myself "Why is my partner still with me? What exactly does he see in me to still be with me?". I feel so lucky to have him. He has been a great support from day one and especially through this pregnancy. But I still get those doubts and confusion because I just don't know what he sees in me to be with me. I am struggling in this pregnancy. But I am getting there, I have too. So, to that online troll, you did your job right. I didn't ignore but I did soon block after the 2nd or 3rd comment after. But if you do have some kind of hear, please think about people's feelings first before you comment. Someone is always fighting a battle no one else knows about.

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