The CFC announces alliance restructure

Joran Jacksonon Jul 23, 2014ShareTweetThe Clusterfuck Coalition (CFC) announced today, in an article by The Mittani, that all alliances would be undergoing a mandatory disbanding to “refresh our membership.”
In recent weeks a number of new alliances have already been retooled, including The Bastion, formerly Gentleman’s Agreement and Li3 Federation, and Forged with Fire, which used to be part of Razor Alliance. In his editorial piece, The Mittani stated that “These two new alliances have been beacons of what can be accomplished when old allies come together, despite the fact that they are enemies.” The CFC is the largest coalition in Eve Online, spanning half a dozen of the biggest alliances and tens of thousands of characters.
The plan, to be put into effect in the coming weeks, will sort all of the previous corporations by their old alliances, and then create new alliances that ensure that all inter-alliance history will be removed. A request for comment was directed to The Mittani’s chief of staff, Sion Kumitomo; “The Mittani felt that the old alliances were creating division between members who viewed each other negatively, instead of as friends and colleagues in the greater Goonswarm coalition,” he stated. “As long as members are not with their old alliance members, we will allow them to move as they see fit. Who knows? It might take another half a decade for them to hate each other again.” Sion himself will be at the top of one of the new alliances.
The Mittani fingered the GSF as the “premiere alliance leading alliance in the game.” All of the new alliance leadership will come from GSF. The Mittani, citing the lack of experience and failures of the entirety of the playerbase, plans to have a full list of the new alliance leaders out in the next 48 hours.
Sovereignty inside the CFC will, in large part, be transferred to their rental alliance, and all remaining systems will be drawn and divided in a lottery system. “The goal is to remove any sense of entitlement from our members. We give them space, ships, and the motivation to succeed.”
When asked to comment on the effectiveness of GSF in leading the coalition, and whether that has contributed to the atrophy of command structures, Sion said, “It is well proven that in order to win at Eve you need to have close co-operation with your allies, such that you become one. Any hand-holding that takes place is only to allow them to take part in the conquest of winning Eve. They‘re welcome.”
(Note from the editor: Unless it’s abundantly clear by now this article is 100% satire, you have yourself to blame if you went on a forum rant.)
Tags: cfc, gsf, null, satire