Negotiations UK Style

“It means we’ll have control over all the things the EU currently legislates on."

“So that means we’ll have full control over things like farming, fishing, environment and the like?"

“No, we’ll be looking after those things for you. We’re taking back control."

“But those things are devolved. You can’t take back control of things you said we control."

“Yes, we’re taking back control. We need to set up UK-wide frameworks."

“Fine, but those frameworks need to be agreed between us because those areas are devolved."

“Don’t worry, we won’t do anything unless you agree."

“OK, so let’s set out the terms of how they will be handled."

“We’ve already drafted that. Look, here it is."

“But this says you are in control of everything and don’t need our consent!"

“Yes, we’re taking back control."

“But those are devolved areas of responsibility! We are not going to agree to that."

“Yes you are."

“But you said you wouldn’t do anything without our consent."

“We assume you will give your consent because that’s how the UK constitution works. “

“We are not agreeing to any of this!"

“Suit yourselves. We’re doing it anyway."

“You do realise this will create a constitutional crisis?"

“No it won’t. Our pals in the media will make sure everyone knows there is nothing to worry about. People in Scotland don’t want a second referendum, so they’ll accept whatever we tell them."

“No they won’t. You’ve told too many lies in the past few years."

“So what? They’ll believe whatever we tell them. Why do you think we won’t let you have control of the media? Mugs! Now why don’t you toddle back to the most powerful devolved parliament in the universe and stop making such a fuss. We are rather busy at the moment. We need to get on with the Brexit negotiations."

To be continued ….

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