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No Perfect Parents Allowed

Over the past week I have received so many personal emails, facebook messages, texts and comments to our website regarding last Saturday’s post titled “For The Perfect Parent.”

Some of these letters were from parents so vulnerable in sharing their worst tragedies and deepest sorrows that it took my breath away. One woman’s son was stabbed to death 32 times at an ATM. Another woman’s son lost his battle against drug addiction– and the heartbreak of “if only” killed her husband a year later. Another woman’s husband met his final fate because some stranger ran a stop sign. A son that had an unknown heart condition. His mother sent him skiing (as a gift) and the altitude killed him. Another mother’s son died because alcohol had gotten a hold on him and wouldn’t let go. Twenty-five years old, bright, talented, loved…and still…he’s gone. A 19 year old dead because of a shallow water diving accident. I won’t even get into the military moms I know who have lost a child to PTSD suicide or even parents struggling after a teenage suicide.

The heartbreak. The vulnerability. So many parents still plagued with “what if” and “if only I had known…” Many still struggling years later to come to terms with the unimaginable. Missing loved ones and blaming themselves, all while suffering under the scrutiny and judgement of others who think they could have surely done better or had a different outcome.

How cruel. How horrific.

I’ve walked through grief with some of my dearest friends. Their only child (and that child’s maternal grandmother, as well as several other family members) murdered during Thanksgiving dinner in their own home by an uninvited, unwanted family member. Public support was overwhelming and yet they still faced unimaginable criticism from strangers and social media trolls. I never thought it was possible to blame a parent for their own child’s murder– but still some people managed to justify such disgusting behavior.

All I can say to every hurting parent touched by tragedy or even grief in a struggle you are currently facing with a child is this:

TheRebacks.com is a place where you can come to find hope and help. I have not suffered the loss of a child, but I have intentionally walked through loss and grief on more than one occasion with families suffering desperately. I will tell you that the Reback household is not immune to the many of the same struggles and challenges that any family faces…so if you’re walking through it with your kids– odds are we are too. And I’m not here to judge you or to say “how could you have let this happen?” I am here to tell you that there is hope in Jesus, there is a future and a plan in even the darkest of circumstances, and I absolutely know what it is like to look at my husband in absolute heartbreak and say, “What do we do? Why and how did this happen??” I have walked in some incredibly lonely shoes where it seemed as though we had no where to go for help…

And that is WHY we have this website. So that no parent ever feels alone, isolated, scrutinized…only loved, encouraged and strengthened by a very real God who is a very real help in the midst of even the most difficult of circumstances.

Noone is perfect. We who have teenagers know they do things they aren’t supposed to do. I did it when I was a teenager. I feel horrible for the families of these boys because I cant imagine their heartbreak. People should quit making rude comments because these families lost their boys and they dont need your perfect parenting advice while their greiving in the worst way possible. Noone is perfect and these boys were being boys and things happen. Try giving the heartbroken families some support instead of all of your rude comments. This could happen to any of us.

Today I thought of Austin and Perry because of Blu’s never giving up. You, Lyette, the Rebacks, Blu, Gino and Krissy have made it possible for me to see just how difficult this parenting job is… Just how easy it is has been for me to throw in the towel. Thank you Lyette for posting and Krissy for encouraging me to read this.

My family lost a 17 year old young man who was a son, nephew, grandson, step-grandson, and great grandson on April 25 2015 in a sailboat regatta in Mobile Bay, Mobile, Alabama…. storm came from no where— even the most experienced sail boat captain have stated they were surprised as many survived that terrible storm that day as did. My precious grandson, Adam, was not one of the survivors. We can look and search for reasons or we can blame others…. but what it all comes down to is that God wanted Adam in His heavenly home. It does not matter if the boat was equipped or if the boys wandered off their course….. it is still a tragedy and the parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins of these two young boys will miss them forever. Their lives have changed and will never be “normal” again for them…… because the boys will not be a part of their lives. People need to let these two families grieve in peace without casting any blame or making any kind of judgements. I pray for these families daily.

Nita I am so very sorry for your family’s loss. I am so glad you have faith in a heavenly home and that at least THAT can grant you peace in the midst of horrible circumstances. Please please tell Adam’s family we are so very sorry for them and we will be praying for their comfort. Again, so very sorry for your loss.

I want to give my condolences, I know that this happened a few months ago now but I also know the pain hasn’t gone away and never will…….I will fade slowly and will be easier to get through days to come but you will find peace in knowing that your children are safe in the arms of the lord….they will forever be looking down on you….watching and waiting for the day you will meet them again at the big beautiful gates of Heaven. After the death of a child the parents and family MUST find a strength from within their selves to get through grieving process……but in return the strength and courage they build will get them through anything that life throws at you and it will never seem or be as difficult as what u have already been through. Again sorry for your loss.