Dave Mustaine Mourns the Loss of Twinkies, Endorses Secession

Blabbermouth reports that during a recent performance in Atlantic City, Dave Mustaine said the following (see video at the bottom of this post):

“When you go home tonight, I want you to do me a favor, I want you to look up online the word ‘secede,’ because right now, right now, there are 47 states in the United States of America that wanna secede from the United States of America. And what ‘secede’ actually means is that they don’t wanna have any part of this bullshit anymore. Whether you are a Democract or a Republican or a Libertarian or an Independent, it doesn’t matter. What matters is that we’re Americans and we are not being treated right.

“Did you hear that the people that make Twinkies today are going out of business after 82 years. Hostess. No more Twinkies. [laughs] Although that kind of sounds a little funny, it’s really sad. It’s an institution, 82-year-old institution — they are going out of business because of this bullshit that is going on right now in the government. And that means is that means 18,000 more people are going on unemployment and it’s gonna be your responsibility to pay for them. It’s just not fair, it’s just not fair. One thing that would happen if I was president is I would treat you like you were my own.”

How do I love this statement? Let me count the ways:

I love that Mustaine assumed his audience wouldn’t know what “secede” means.

Forty-seven states? Really, Dave? Not seven — forty-seven. And WHOLE STATES, right? Not just a few kooks within that state? Okay. Wow, I had no idea. Which ones? Go on, I’m listening.

It is, of course, horrible that so many Hostess employees will lose their job, and slightly-less horrible that stoned college kids will now have to eat generic “Golden Creme Cakes.” But things change, brah! That’s just life. For example, everyone used to think you were cool, and now we all make fun of you. See? Change.

So, should the government have bailed out Hostess, or…?

PLEASE, Dave, run for president in 2016. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE, I’m begging you. That would be SO GODDAMN HILARIOUS, I would leap out of bed every morning and run to my computer to get the latest on your campaign. PLEASE DO IT.