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This week: a bad coach gets paid, then insulted; a bad quarterback gets optimistic; another bad quarterbcak gets a cunning plan; a bad play gets Matt Ryan irked; a bad play gets burned; and Jets and Raiders fans get drunk.

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The Week In Quotes: January 13, 2012

compiled by Rivers McCown

PAU AND NENE GOING ALL THE WAY!

"I can't believe they got him for the cheap price that they got him for replacing Reggie Bush. I think if it was the NBA, the commissioner might have stepped in and stopped that move." -- 49ers defensive coordinator Vic Fangio, on Darren Sproles (San Francisco Chronicle)

PICKED THE WRONG WEEK TO STOP SNIFFING GLUE

"I feel like LSU is a better place for him to be. LSU Tigers, number one. Go Tigers." -- The mother of prized recruit Landon Collins, who chose Alabama over LSU (Dr. Saturday)

OUR FIRST DIAGNOSED CASE OF TEBOW INFERIORITY COMPLEX

"It's really going to come down to what team is the best. I'm sure if we win, I'll have nothing to do with why we won, according to you guys. It is what it is. We're going to do our best to try to win it and it doesn't really matter what the reason is." -- Ravens quarterback Joe Flacco, on the fickleness of "just wins games" (Ravens 24x7)

ALL THOSE SPEED OPTIONS WERE ACTUALLY SUPPOSED TO BE TRICK PLAYS, THAT'S HOW BAD JORDAN JEFFERSON IS

"I think if you watch our calls that we did throw the football down the field. We didn’t necessarily get the football down the field." -- LSU coach Les Miles, on why his team didn't move the ball down the field (New York Times)

WELL, HE'S OFF TO A MORE PR-FRIENDLY START ON EARTH THAN SHAO KAHN

"When Wayne announced he was selling, probably more than half [the fans on social media] said, ‘Oh my God, this is disaster. The team’s going to move. Who’s this guy coming in? Are we going to have beer in the stadium? Oh gee, it’s a Muslim.’ The social media was abuzz with that. That’s great if half thought it was good for the team being sold. We only have to work on the other half. This is just like that." -- New Jaguars owner Shahid Khan, on the initial reactions to the hiring of new head coach Mike Mularkey (The Florida Times-Union)

"For me a fan is somebody who is a season ticket holder for the Jaguars. So that is a key definition we need to get out." -- Khan, on the kind of fans he wants to hear from about the direction of the team (First Coast News)

HAVE YOU MET LANDON COLLINS?

"I hope a lot of them know my momma’s name, because if they’re trying to do that much to find out your momma’s name then you’re doing too much besides learning about some football." -- Alabama defensive tackle Josh Chapman, on Tyrann Mathieu reportedly putting in the research to learn the names of Crimson Tide moms (The Crimson White)

SEEMS LIKE THERE'S A HOLE ... IN MY TWEEEEETS

"We got a lot of the elephants out of the room. We allowed too many people to be here that pull people in different directions. People are now pulling in the same direction and not pulling about or worrying about things we have no control over. Guys are worried about if they win each and every Sunday." -- Bengals tackle Andrew Whitworth, on why this year was different (Cincinnati Inquirer)

COLLEGE IN A COMA, I KNOW, I KNOW

"I think the board will have to make those decisions. I'm serious." -- Penn State president Rodney Erickson, responding to a comment on how the board of trustees should step down (Sports Grid)

HEY MAN THERE'S A HOLE IN MY ARM WHERE ALL MY OFFENSE GOES

"They don’t want to be truthful with him. They treat him like a baby instead of a man. He goes in a hole when someone tells him the truth." -- Anonymous Jets player, on Mark Sanchez (New York Daily News)

NOT WITH THE OLIVE BRANCH, BUT THE BAYONET

"Seriously Brent Pease at Florida? He's freaking crazy and was brutal at UK when I was there. Won't be able to handle it and will be run out!" -- Ex-Giants quarterback Jared Lorenzen, on new Florida offensive coordinator Brent Pease (Twitter)

THAT'S NATURE'S POCKET!

"We had a blast acting the fool. We did farming things. We got to see how they artificially inseminate cows. We actually did it. You've got to stick your hand in there. It was nice and warm." -- Packers reciever Greg Jennings, on spending time at Jordy Nelson's family farm last offseason (Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel)

SOMEONE NEEDS A BROAB

DEXTER MCCLUSTER YOU-KNOW-WHAT

"They were a mess. It was a cluster you-know-what." -- Former Titans wide receiver Derrick Mason, on his time with the Jets (NFL.com)

A MAN CAN'T JUST KEEP BUYING AWESOME SOCKS WITH SCHOLARSHIP MONEY

"Whoever's paying the bills, that's who I want to play for." -- Baylor quarterback Robert Griffin III, on his ideal landing spot (Twitter)

"HAVE FUN WITH THE THOSE FEW DRAFT PICKS I LEFT YOU WITH, REGGIE."

"I’m not going to shed one tear, because I busted my ass for this organization, and I cherished the opportunity to do it," -- Former Raiders coach Hue Jackson, on his memories (Yahoo!)

KRAFT INVITES YOU TO FIGHT HUNGER BY DONATING MONEY TO THEIR BOWL

"I’d like a playoff. I’d like a true playoff, but you might as well shut up. You’re not going to get a playoff. They’re not going to let us do that. The bowl people might be the most corrupt people in athletics. The first thing they do, they invite you to a bowl game but you’ve got to buy 13,000 tickets or so many tickets. Most teams nowadays lose money going to bowl games. The old days you went to a bowl game and a bowl game was an award for a good season and you had fun and rewarded your players. I never coached anywhere where 6-6 was a good year and this year UCLA went to a bowl game and they were 6-7." -- Former Ohio State coach John Cooper, on the college football landscape (Sports Radio Interviews)

HE'S AN EASY GRADER, AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, NO HOMEWORK

"I’ve talked to several guys who have come from other organizations that say that Coach Kubiak is probably the coolest coach in the league." -- Texans safety Glover Quin, on his head coach (AFC South)

NO PROBLEM, I'LL JUST PULL OUT MY ALL-22 AND ... AW FRAGNABBIT

"Before you say anything crazy or ignorant please know your "coverages" first just a friendly reminder!!! now fire away!!!" -- Lions cornerback Alphonso Smith, after Detroit was torched by the Saints (MLive)

If you see a quote that you think should be in the next TWIQ, send it via email to quotes-at-footballoutsiders.com or via Twitter to @FO_RiversMcCown

Wow, I thought I'd be the only fogey old enough to think that might be a "Sam Stone" quote. But I'm guessing it's actually referring to some much-younger-person's thing that---knowingly or not---is borrowing from Prine; there's just enough wrong with the quote if it really is "Sam Stone" (especially the "Hey man").

I've come to the conclusion that if you're over 15 and you think you get a reference on TWIQ anymore, it's probably some cartoon making a reference to something we remember from 10 or 15 years ago. Funny, I don't FEEL old.