PR Firm CEO Threatens To Fire Next Person Who Doesn't Replace The Milk

In a company email that reads like a rejected new column for the Onion, the CEO of a PR company threatened this week to fire the next person who neglects to replace the empty milk carton in the refrigerator.

Keith Zakheim, CEO of the Beckerman PR firm, made it clear that whoever next decides to screw with his ability to consume coffee at 7:15 in the morning by not replacing the empty milk jug will find themselves crying over spilled pink slips. Laying the lact-down!

Gawker got ahold of the email, which Zakheim confirmed to them that he had sent, and it reads as follows:

I have repeatedly requested until I am blue in the face that the person that finishes the milk must replace the milk. Its not complicated and is a simple sign of respect for fellow employees.

So, imagine my chagrin this morning when I stumbled in at 715 after enduring a typically painful Redskins loss and in dire need of a shot of caffeine, only to find that the skim milk in the refrigerator had three drops of milk left. Literally 3 drops, an amount that would maybe fill the tummy of a prematurely born mouse. The person that did this is either incredibly lazy, obnoxiously selfish or woefully devoid of intelligence – 3 traits that are consistent with the profile of FORMER Beckerman employees.

As you can tell from the tenor of this email, I am not happy and at my wits end. Allyne, Ilhwa, and I have repeatedly beseeched you to replace the supplies that you consume – whether its pencils, paper, or MILK. This costs you nothing – I pay for it! Yet, it is still repeatedly ignored.

So, I am gravely serious when I write this – if I catch someone not replacing the milk, or at least, in the case where the downstairs store has close already, not sending an email to the office so the first person that arrives (usually Christa or me) can pick one up upon arrival – then I am going to fire you. Im not joking. You will be fired for not replacing the milk, and have fun explaining that one to your next employer. This is not a empty threat so PLEASE don’t test me.

99% of this office consists of great people that work hard, treat their employes with respect, and understand that they are part of something that is bigger than them. However, there seems to be a small element that doesn’t understand this. So its time that they do or else they should start refreshing their resume.

For those of you who have worked for me for years, you know this is not my style so PLEASE take this seriously!

Thank you for your cooperation.

KZ
—
KEITH ZAKHEIM | CEO
BECKERMAN
ANTENNA GROUP

Keith, buddy, have you ever tried it black? As long as you’re using good beans, you get a more full and rich aroma. It’s similar to what emanates from the emails I get from PR firms.