A Potato Chip Off the Old Block:
What is the world coming to? India and Pakistan are
flirting with nuclear war, the Catholic church is
embroiled in a sex scandal, and now this: Mr. Pringles,
the potato chip mascot, is getting a make-over. The new
look features a spiffy red bow tie and light brown
highlights added to his barbershop quartet-style hair and
mustache. Also, his eyebrows have been removed. Fashion
critic Leon Hall describes the remade Mr. P as hip, fresh
and full of joie de vivre.

Fathers Day Gift Guide: What do
you get for the man who has everything? How about a $20,000
Frisbee made of solid gold and crowned with a one-carat
diamond in the center? Or a pair of $400 socks fashioned
from the wool of a rare Mongolian goat? Those are just
two of the Fathers Day gift ideas we gleaned from
recent issues of Stuff magazine and the Robb Report, a
publication for rich people. Another gift option is
jeweler Sidney Mobells $12,000 mousetrap, an 18-karat
gold contraption that lures rats with a wedge of diamonds.
Or maybe dear old dad deserves the worlds first
combination whirlpool tub and home theater system.
Designed for two people, it has a stereo, 42-inch plasma
TV and floating remote control.

By the way, those Mongolian goat socks come with their
own padded, key-locked carrying case
and theyre probably the perfect accessory to
another product in the Robb Report: shoes made from
special Russian reindeer hide recovered from
a 200-year-old sunken ship.

Alarming Trends Bureau: A trio of heavy-metal-related
items:

-- A magazine called Gene
Simmons Tongue debuted this month. Named for the bass
player of KISS, it is geared toward all
mammals 21 to 45 years old. Sounds intriguing,
but were still hoping for a magazine called David
Crosbys Liver.
-- A New York toy company plans to release talking dolls
based on The Osbournes TV show.
-- The band WASP says its new CD features music
to kill by. Singer Blackie Lawless told
Wireless Flash News Service the tunes are designed to
inspire U.S. troops to exterminate Al Qaeda members.

Its a Dog-Eat-Bubble World: The
annual American Pet Products Manufacturers Association
trade show descends upon Chicago from June 12-14. Among
the wares going on display are bacon-scented bubble-blowing kits for pooches,
edible greeting cards, canine electric toothbrushes (for
use after your dog devours that edible greeting card) and
dog lips, which are
similar to the joke wax lips worn by humans years ago
except these are made from rubber and designed to amuse
pet owners. As the dog chews on the holder, a big rubber
grin is superimposed over its face. We can only assume
dog whoopee cushions are next.

Off-Kilter Encyclopedia: No wonder U.S.
students fare so poorly. We couldnt find any
textbooks that teach these important facts:

-- Sixty percent of Lichtensteins gross national
product comes from the sale of false teeth.
-- When James Hetherington invented the top hat and wore
it in public in 1797, he was arrested for disturbing the
peace.
-- All of Ohios lakes are manmade.

Fantasy Quote Bureau: What we wish
Winona Ryder would have said after a TV camera reportedly
broke her arm as she entered a courthouse: Oh
man! Thats my good shoplifting arm!