All of these esteemed news sources essentially just echo Kottke’s analysis, and advise readers to “stay tuned.” Here’s some free advice: don’t bother.

If NASA really had discovered real proof of extraterrestrial life on one of Saturn’s moons, they’d make a much bigger deal about it. They’d also probably say something about it in the press release. Instead of life on Titan, we’re going to go way out on a crazy limb and say that on Thursday NASA will announce “an astrobiology finding that will impact the search for evidence of extraterrestrial life.” Translation: they’ve learned something that may help scientists someday find extraterrestrial life.