WTF America?

Another soccer season has come and gone and this morning I awoke refreshed and even mildly eager to face the day. Shortly after I found my glasses I realized that the 2016 election was over and I had lost my bid for President.

I suppose that it was inevitable, really. Write-in candidates rarely do well (I suspect because many Americans either have never heard of me, or feel slightly strange about voting for someone with no surname.) Still, I find this strange because my “WTF America?” campaign is more popular today than it’s ever been. In fact, it’s been trending everywhere on social media all day.

I always knew that my ideas would catch on and that practically everyone would agree with
me eventually, but I still can’t help feeling that all this publicity would have been more useful yesterday. In hindsight, perhaps I should have tweeted my ideas rather than blogged about them, as that appears to have worked rather better. Oh well.

As we all collectively get used to staring down the barrel of a Trump presidency, it is important to remember a few things.

Trump puts his pants on just like you; with the assistance of 5 personal butlers, 3 professional shirt tuckers, and 2 former beauty pageant winners holding a full length mirror.

No matter who got elected or how you might feel about it, you will always be required to stand in line for hours at the DMV for the express purpose of finding out which line you need to stand in.

Anyway, I’m not ruling out the possibility of a 2020 run, particularly if I continue to trend upward online, but it was a tremendous effort this last time (I shook at least 15 hands!) and I don’t know if I’ll be up for it again.

The absolute worst part about this whole experience is that I’ll have to explain to the children that I’m not going to be moving to Washington DC and that they’re stuck with me for at least another 4 years. I can assure you that there will be wailing and tears; actually that describes most Wednesdays already.