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Conference Presentation Judo
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M. J. Dominus
Plover Systems Co.
mjd-yapc-judo+@plover.com
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June, 2002
* [R[CAUTION]R]: This talk may offer insight into the way I think
* [R[CAUTION]R]: I am cynical and elitist
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Conference Presentations
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* Most tutorial speakers are pretty awful
* Some of this is just lack of practice
* Some is stage fright
* Some is lack of aptitude
* Some of it is easily correctable
* I've picked up a few tricks
* I will tell you all my dirty little secrets
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* My professional ones, I mean
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Conference Presentations
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* I've been doing presentations at big conferences since 1998
* 40 hours of tutorials at TPC alone, also Usenix, LISA, YAPC, etc.
* I am consistently the highest-rated speaker at TPC
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* Yup, even higher than Damian
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The Biggest Mistake You Can Make
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* I'm going to start big
* What is the biggest mistake you can make when making a conference presentation?
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* Forgetting to go to the bathroom beforehand
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The Second Biggest Mistake You Can Make
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* Going to the bathroom beforehand
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* But forgetting to switch off the wireless mike
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The Biggest Mistake You Can Make
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* OK, seriously
* You didn't need me to tell you that
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* Or if you did, you were doomed anyway
* So what's the best advice I can give you that might _not_ be obvious?
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The Single Biggest Mistake You Can Make
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* Conference tutorials last three and a half hours
* Including a half-hour break in the middle
* During this break, coffee and cake are served
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* You _must not_ let the class out for break too early or too late
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On Content
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* This talk is _Conference Presentation Judo_
* So I hope you were expecting me to talk about cake, not content
* So let's deal briefly with content
* Just to get it out of the way
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On Content
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* The three most important factors in giving a good presentation are:
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1. Delivery
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2. Delivery
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3. Delivery
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On Content
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* Content is quaternary
* People come to conferences on vacation
* That is why they do not have them in Fargo
* The class is an _excuse_ for the vacation
* Your primary goal should be to entertain
* Study Damian. He is the master.
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On Content
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* Of course, more content is always better
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* You must also give them an idea that they learned something
* They need a plausible story to tell their boss when they get home
* But if you must choose, choose delivery over content
* With that disclaimer, the second biggest mistake you can make is content-related
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The Big Content Mistake
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Do not
begin with a long general introduction.
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o You know how this goes
o Suppose the class is "Introduction to XML"
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Introduction to XML -> What is XML?
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XML is:
* Structured
* Extensible
* Markup
* Language
* Internationalized
* Standardized
* Widely-Deployed
* Content-directed
* Application-oriented
* SGML-compliant
* Customizable
* Synergistic
* Incremental
* Functional
* Fruity-good
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The Long Introduction
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* Then they have a couple of slides on "XML's good points"
* Then they have a couple of slides on "XML's limitations"
* "What XML is used for"
* (Namedropping section)
* "History of XML"
* "Overview of the standardization process"
* Blah blah blah
* I give you my solemn word of honor that I am not thinking of any specific instructor here
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The Long Introduction
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* This stuff is all a waste of time
* Learning that "XML is content-directed" will not help anyone do anything
* People who don't know yet what XML is will pick it up from the examples
* If not, your examples are no good
* Get to specific technical information as quickly as possible
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The Long Introduction
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* A three-hour class is a _terrible_ way to learn anything
* _Nobody_ can remain attentive for that long
* Typical attention span: 45 minutes
* Therefore, you should front-load the class
* The _most important_ material in the first 45 minutes
* The Long Introduction squanders those precious first minutes
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A Bit of Advice
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o You have probably heard:
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Tell them what you're going to tell them; then tell them;
then tell them what you told them.
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Get to the Point
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o Here's the introduction section of one of my tutorials
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What is This Class About?
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o The _Iterator_ is a fundamental control structure, analogous to the loop
o What problems does it solve?
o When should you use it?
o How do you build one?
o Examples
o Generating DNA sequences
o Database searches
o Permutations
o Directory tree walker
o Web spider
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o This is all the introduction you should need
o That list of examples was very carefully constructed
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Get to the Point
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o The first example is introduced on slide 2
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Genomic Sequence Generator
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o This is a real-world application
o A biologist wrote to ask me this question:
o Given a pattern like [[ATA]]
o Produce the strings [[ATGAT]], [[ATGAA]], [[ATCAT]], [[ATCAA]].
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o Recursive code to solve this problem appears on slide 3
o Then I discuss the severe problems with that approach
o Shortly thereafter, the solution (iterators) appears
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Illustrations
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* OK, enough about content
* Back to presentation
* Have pictures on the slides
* Even if they are irrelevant
* They help wake people up
* And give their eyes and brains a rest
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Illustrations
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* Of course, relevant is good too
* Metaphoric illustrations are also good
* Bright colors are a good idea
* Diagrams are always helpful
* I like to have pictures that commit atrocious puns
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Illustrations
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* If you have line drawings, make the lines two pixels thick
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* One-pixel lines are perfectly legible
* But the thicker lines look better
* It took me five years to figure this out
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Illustrations
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* Make sure pictures of people are _facing_ your text
* People will pay more attention if they see someone else paying attention
* Vice versa
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Illustrations
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* This is the most cynical, manipulative trick I know:
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* I have not yet tried using pictures of adorable kittens
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Speed
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* Most instructors go too slowly
* A median (50%) rate is fine for undergrad classes
* Because everyone must pass the exam
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* In a three-hour class, your strategy must be different
* The typical student will learn:
* One or two specific techniques
* A groundwork of more general understanding
* This will prepare them for later self-study
* Slower students will get this much whether you go quickly or slowly
* Faster ones will get more if you go faster
* I try to target the 75-80% mark
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Speed
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* At any speed, not everyone will get everything
* Some people will fall off the bus
* Some will doze off
* So have many synchronization points along the way
* When someone gets lost, they can start over fresh at the next synchronization point
* If you use this strategy, even slower people will learn more
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The Guy in the Second Row
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* There seems to be one of these at every talk
* He's the one who thinks he's there to have a dialogue with you
* He always sits in the second row on the aisle
* I do not know why this is
* I originally planned to have a gallery of Guys in the Second Row I have known
* I decided it would be better to show a one incorrigible example
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The Guy in the Second Row
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* Sad but true
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Questions
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* When someone in the audience asks a question, always repeat it
* Because the rest of the audience didn't hear it
* If _you_ couldn't hear it, ask them *politely* to repeat it more loudly
* If you still can't hear it, invite them to ask you after class
* Do _not_ yell at them to speak up
* People are nervous about speaking in big rooms full of people
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Accordion Sections
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* You never know just how long the class will take
* If you run out of time at slide 111 of 120, people will complain
* So always end on the last slide
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* Even if you have to skip a bunch of slides to get there on time
* Have the class end with an _accordion section_
* Many independent subtopics that can be discarded if necessary
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The Bonus Section
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o You are sure to discard some slides during the editing process
o If the talk is too long, you will cut some slides out
o If you add a new section one year, you'll take out the old one
o Do not throw these things away
o Put them at the end of the talk after the "thank you" slide
o Call this the 'bonus section'
o You will usually not discuss this material in person
o But it will appear in the back of the book
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The Bonus Section
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o This serves at least three functions
o If the class runs undertime, you can tour some bonus slides
o It delivers more value to your customers
o It will prevent stupid complaints about the book not having anything extra
o Many presenters like to append some random RFC or research paper for this reason
o The bonus section is more valuable
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Digressions
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* Digressions are OK, but only if
* Relevant
* *or* Short
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* Second-order digressions must be both relevant *and* short
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* Third-order digressions: Do not.
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Evaluations
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* Mostly worthless
* Every possible complaint will appear
* If one says the talk was too fast, that doesn't mean it was too fast
* Some other evaluation will say it was too slow
Covered too much / not enough material
Followed book too closely / not closely enough
Failed to cover the whole book / not enough extra material in the book
Did not answer enough questions / too much time answering questions
Class was too easy / too hard
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Evaluations
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* Don't let this get you down
* You cannot win
* So do the talk in a way that preserves your professional dignity and integrity
* If _you_ are happy with the talk, that must be enough
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Jokes
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Always begin with a joke.
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* Bullshit
* Not everyone has a jocular personality
* If yours isn't, don't force it
* You must invent a stage persona that works well for you
* Play to your strengths, not your weaknesses
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Friendly Faces
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* Have a friend come and sit in the front row
* Then if you get nervous, you can look at your friend and see a friendly face
* I like to try to get Kurt Starsinic
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* He always laughs at all my jokes
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o Really loudly
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Friendly Faces
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* If you don't have a friend in the audience, pick a friendly-looking stranger
* Focus on this person
* Sometimes nobody looks friendly
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* This is why I always bring an octopus
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Small Change
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o Remove all small change from your pockets beforehand
o Some speakers jingle their change for three hours without realizing it
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Insults
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* Don't tell the audience what a bunch of idiots they are
* They hate that.
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* Instead, tell them what idiots some _other_ audience was
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Proofreading
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o Proofread the slides very carefully
o Attendees are incredibly stingy about typos
o "I paid for every comma, and by God, I'm going to get them all."
o Giving a practice version of the talk is always a good idea
o In particular, the test audience will notice most of the remaining typos
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Biggest Mistake I Ever Made
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* At my first conference, I was doing a six-hour security tutorial
* I thought:
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Security is very serious. People will want to know I am serious.
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* I was thoroughly vilified for this
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Thank You
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o I hope you were amused
o But I meant every word
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