The Ultimate Super Bowl Drinking Game

It’s estimated that about 170 million people worldwide will be watching Super Bowl XLVIII on Sunday, Feb. 2, 2014. Roughly 13% of those watching the game will consume alcoholic beverages. According to my calculator, if I punched the buttons correctly, that means 22.2 million football fans will be enjoying a beer, wine or cocktail during the Denver Broncos-Seattle Seahawks match.

Obviously, a championship-caliber drinking game is required for the game, so we have come to the rescue with an alcohol soaked contest tailored for this year’s Super Bowl that will have you sipping, gulping, or draining your glass accordingly.

Don’t take this drinking game lightly. This is serious business, here. You’re gonna want to coat your stomach with a thick layer of crackers and find a DD. Good luck.

PREGAME

Sip For each camera shot of a thermometer showing the on-the-field temperature at MetLife Stadium. Gulp Every time someone mentions that should the Broncos win the game, Peyton Manning will be the first quarterback to win the championship with two different teams. Drain If an unexpected blizzard cancels pre-game events. Bonus Drain six drinks and tweet a #DrunkenRant to @SuperBowl if the game is postponed because of an unexpected blizzard.

COIN TOSS

Sip If your team wins the toss. Gulp If you team loses the toss. Drain If the coin goes over the referee’s head and down the back of his pants.

KICKOFF

Sip If the kickoff is a touchback. Gulp If the returner runs it back for a touchdown. Drain If the kicker breaks his toes on the frozen football.

DURING THE GAME IF YOU’RE A BRONCOS FAN

Sip Each time Manning calls “Omaha” at the line. Gulp Each time Manning calls the name of another city at the line. Drain Each time the camera pans to a fan holding an “I’M FROM OHAMA” sign. Bonus Drain the glasses of everyone at the party if Manning is wearing an “Omaha Steaks” logo on his sleeve.

DURING THE GAME IF YOU’RE A SEAHAWKS FAN

Sip Each time the camera shows a sign that mentions the “12th Man.” Gulp If the Seahawks deliberately try to sneak a 12th man onto the field. Drain If they get away with the 12th man and score a touchdown. Bonus Take 12 gulps if the fans in the stadium are kidnapped and replaced by the entire Seattle home crowd.

IN THE BOOTH

Sip The first time Joe Buck or Troy Aikman mention that the teams are from the only two states to have legalized recreational marijuana. Gulp At any reference to one or both of the teams and Bob Marleyin the same sentence. Drain If the booth camera unexpectedly goes live and shows either announcer doing a bong hit.

HALFTIME

Sip Each time a pyrotechnic device is used. Gulp If either Bruno Mars has a wardrobe malfunction or the Red Hot Chili Peppers hit the stage completely unclothed. Drain If Miley Cyrussteps on the stage as a “special guest.” Bonus Drain and throw the empty glass at the wall next to the TV if Miley Cyrusstarts twerking (aim carefully, you don’t want to break the screen. It’s only halftime).

POSTGAME

Sip If your team takes home the Vince Lombardi Trophy. Gulp If your team loses. Drain If a player of the winning team hoists the trophy and then drops it on his head. Bonus Drain and do a “Tarzan” yell if your team loses, and a member of your team steals the trophy and runs with it.

Disclaimer: This drinking game is in jest and we would never encourage overconsumption of intoxicating beverages. Unless it’s your house. Then you set the rules. Just don’t let any of the players drive away from this one.