Nissan

Dear Dave is a series in which I address poor reviews of pricey consumer goods in the advice column tradition of Dear Abby or Dear Sugar. Aren’t most online reviews a cry for help, anyway?

Dear Dave,

Terrible wine refrigerator – Beware!

I received this as a gift. What a terrible gift. If only the person who had given it to me had read other reviews of the Caso wine cellar – which are uniformly bad.
I couldn’t believe it when I attempted to put my wine into the refrigerator and discovered that most of my bottles DO NOT FIT. Somehow this is designed to hold only slim bottles.
Aside from the fact that this is totally useless because it can’t hold most of my wine bottles, the construction is shabby (the drawers are made of very cheap wood and cheaply glued together) and it’s very loud.
Avoid this wine refrigerator. It is complete junk.

Joe

Phoenix, AZ

Dear Joe,

You can waste a lot of time trying to make it work with the wrong person when it clearly DOES NOT FIT. I think (hope!) you’re talking about romantic compatibility here and not the actual physical insertion of your bottle. I’ll assume you’re not that crude. Though, I must say that your complaints about her shabby appearance and loudness reveal a deep level of self-deception. You received this Caso (Cassandra? Cassie? Casey?) as a gift? C’mon! I’m going to tell it like it is, Joe. You ignored the warning signs and went for it, didn’t you? Then you got burned and you’re trying to blame someone else. Look back on your history with “wine refrigerators”. How many times have you been attracted to loud and shabby construction, women barely glued together, then regretted it soon after? What does that say about you? Why do you not heed the bad reviews and warning signs? Sometimes, the writing on the bathroom wall IS true. Next time you’re in the bar checking out that blonde with the tramp stamp (from 2003!) complaining loudly about her ex getting the Nissan, say to yourself, “I know how this will end. I’ll be the next ex and I’m better than that.”

Are you better than that, Joe? It’s really up to you. But, you might start by shopping in better establishments. And, please stop referring to other human beings as “junk”. After all, we all feel shabby and cheap sometimes. Including you, Joe. (By the way, Coors 40s aren’t wine bottles.)