Spoof news stories from Saturday 2 August 2014

New York - The creation of a whole new species of alien clones is being sponsored by the Online Sperm Bank.
Wannabe surrogates are being recruited to help gestate thousands of new beings who will be known as the new egg and spoon race.
All part...

Hyannis, Mass. (Ass Mess) - Daft human frights lawyer Kerry Kennedy was under the table at six o'clock again tonight straddling a pink velour stuffed koala and a bottle of Wild Turkey.
Same as at brother Bobby Junior's previous two nuptials both...

WASHINGTON -- Former President Bill Clinton once told an audience in Australia that he could have received oral sex from at least two dozen of Osama bin Laden's teen-age wives, and had in fact packed ennough cigars and sanitary smocks for the rendezv...

Bear Grylls, survival expert, tragically broke down and entered what appears to be a catatonic state on his latest adventure in the Siberian Tundra due to the onset of hypothermia after being left alone by his camera crew for five minutes. The team w...

DETROIT, Mich. - The entire population of Michigan's largest city, Detroit, has somehow come down with Mad Cow Disease.
All 701,475 residents of this hard-luck place were struck with this horrible affliction Friday night, between 9 p.m. and 11 p.m...

A Badminton Club's committee in Clapham South London is outraged at its possible political connections. Lately, against stern opposition from "myriad sources", said its chairman Alex Batwood, "we decided to form a new committee. After all, none of us knew who these people were. They just appeared out of nowhere."
Set up earlier this year by The Young Group it seemingly had no idea of its paren...

WASHINGTON-The Senate, before leaving on its month-long vacation on Thursday, passed a bill in the early morning hours to fast-track the deportation of Ted Cruz back to his native country of Canada.
The vote on the Bill, which was, as usual, expe...

Football players and coaches are furious about new legislation that prevents them from betting on any football related activity, with one player already stating, "if only we had friends to pass our inside knowledge onto."
With footballers and coac...