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For the first time, not one, but two Class Day speakers entertained—and
at least one shared some serious points with—Harvard’s graduating seniors as
they celebrated their Class Day on May 23. Barney Frank ’61, G
’68, K ’71, J.D. ’77, a longtime U.S. Congressman from Massachusetts, brought
his humor, eloquence, and gritty, Bayonne, New Jersey voice to the platform as
the Alumni Speaker, a newly created slot.

Frank got
the afternoon exercises going by peppering the audience with a variety of
witticisms and tongue-in-cheek advice. (Watch a video of Barney Frank’s address.) He started by saying that “at least once
before I retire I’d like to be introduced with
further ado. In my mind, it looks like a
man on a unicycle with a trombone….” Speaking of financial reform legislation he
backed as chair of the House Financial Services Committee, Frank noted that
“The CEO of JPMorgan Chase thought it went too far.” He compared speaking on
Class Day to singing the national anthem at the World Series: “Nobody came to
hear you, it’s not an official event unless you do it, and nobody will remember
you unless you screw up.”

On the
subject of the swag one receives at various occasions as gifts—coffee mugs, T-shirts,
and so on—Frank counseled the seniors: “Never throw out anything within one
mile of where it was presented to you.” He shared some real-world advice for
graduates who might someday hold elective office, a nugget he picked up early
in his political career, at Boston City Hall in 1967: “Never write when you can
talk, never talk when you can nod, never nod when you can wink.” Even this
timeless advice, though, might need revision in an era of handheld
communications: “I don’t know how you get a Blackberry to wink.”

Frank
touched on his personal life as an openly gay man by first citing a joke by one
of the “great philosophers of the twentieth century,” comedian Henny Youngman,
who, when asked, “How’s your wife?” snapped back, “Compared to what?” Having previously
announced that he would marry his partner, Jim Ready, this year, Frank said, “Within
two months, I’ll be able to say, ‘How’s your husband? Compared to what?’”

He also voiced
support for “hate crimes” legislation, and for adding anti-gay motives to those
identified in such bills. At the same time, Frank staunchly affirmed his
support of free speech. He told one voter, “If this [hate-crime] bill passes
tomorrow, it will still be completely legal to call me a fag. I just wouldn’t
recommend it if you are in the banking business.”

More
seriously, Frank observed that along with a set of ideals, “you are morally
obligated to be pragmatic. What good are ideals if they are unrealized?” He
also counseled against the use of metaphors in political discourse, especially
regarding foreign policy: “There are no dominoes—countries don’t hit each
other. Metaphors mislead you. Try to avoid them.”

Frank
acknowledged that many in the audience might wonder why his law degree came in
1977, while his college class is 1961. He explained that in the interim, he had
pursued a career as an academic, and advised the seniors to “Try to find a line
of work where your personal characteristics are strengths, not weaknesses. I
had one characteristic that was a drawback as an academic and a strength as a
politician. I have a very short attention span—if I were you, I’d have already
lost track of what I’m saying.”

In
conclusion, the congressman pulled out a copy of the most famous Harvard
Commencement speech of all, the one announcing the Marshall
Plan, which was proposed at Harvard’s 1947 Commencement. “George Marshall changed the world in two
pages—single spaced,” Frank declared. He ended with a serious exhortation,
saying that it is “time to announce the graduation of Europe,” noting that the
Marshall Plan had succeeded, and it was no longer necessary for the United
States to protect Europe militarily. Beyond that, the United States “doesn’t
need to be the dominant power everywhere in the world, all the time, spending
hundreds of billions of dollars” overseas, “even where people don’t need us.”

Comic
actorAndy
Samberg, a fixture
on Saturday Night Live for seven
years who has appeared in feature films like I Love You, Man (2009),
was the day’s closing act and slew his audience. Early on, he confessed, “I’m
just over the moon to be receiving an honorary degree here today…” only to
feign surprise that no such honor was in the offing. In consternation, Samberg then
yelled into the microphone, “Dean Hammonds, you lied to me!” He returned to the
theme of treachery perpetrated by dean of Harvard College Evelynn Hammonds
several times more in his remarks.

Samberg
ticked off a list of undergraduate majors that “are useless as of tomorrow,”
including several humanities fields, East Asian studies, and in fact, “anything
that ends in ‘Studies.’” His advice,
therefore, was to “study something useful and play World of Warcraft in your
spare time.” The fallout from this was that “Math and science majors—you guys
are cool,” he declared. “Finally.”

Samberg
admitted that he might be unqualified as a Class Day speaker, as he did not
even go to Harvard. But he had a
counter: “I didn’t even apply to
Harvard,” proudly noting that he realized he had no chance of getting in. He
pointed to some highly successful dropouts like Mark Zuckerberg and Bill Gates,
and suggested their examples indicate that “If you’re in this class that is graduating, then you are doomed to
massive failure.”