Why am I not enjoying sex?

So what has happened to you is pretty normal, I'm afraid. Let's bear in mind that you are only 17, and have very little experience yet...

Question

I just recently started having intercourse with my boyfriend and we were both virgins and obviously inexperienced.

I thought intercourse was supposed to feel good and I waited for the right person and I’ve found him

However, I still do not enjoy having intercourse with him, I don't know if it’s me or that we’re both inexperienced. It’s just not enjoyable and I just lie there.

Although there are moments where it feels slightly good, it seems like we don't get anywhere

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We've gone hours and I don’t climax at all, I just get sore. I don’t know what to do.

Answer

David writes:

We've done a survey of British women, and a HUGE proportion of them found their early sexual relationships boring, or painful, or just disappointing.

So what has happened to you is pretty normal, I'm afraid. Let's bear in mind that you are only 17, and have very little experience yet. In our survey, we found that the average age for first climax in women was 19 - two years older than you.

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The media builds sex up so that everyone expects it to be wonderful from the start. But most of the time it isn't! Not at first.

So really you're being a bit optimistic about what first sex would bring. It may indeed be several years before you really enjoy love play and intercourse.

Meanwhile, I think you and your partner should READ as much as possible about it. Good books on sex education are available from Amazon UK, or from the sex mail order business Passion 8 (www.passion8shop.com). Good luck.

Christine adds:

I just wanted to add that you can get help from two articles on the NetDoctor site that we have written. One is called 'Are You Having Trouble Reaching Orgasm? A Guide for Women'. The other is titled 'How To Help Your Female Partner Have Orgasms (For Men)'.

These are both to be found among the articles in the Sex and Relationships section. Both of these articles have a lot of useful information in them, including some suggestions for reading.

I hope that our advice will reassure you and that you'll find you can just relax a bit more and enjoy the sensations of sex even if you can't quite ring the bell yet.

I earnestly believe that things should substantially improve if you take all this advice to heart. But if you're still unhappy with your sex life in six months I suggest you call the helpline of the Brook Advisory Service for Young People on: 08000 185023.

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