Psychological barriers

Regular Member

I went to my weigh in on Thursday and lost 2.75lbs despite my holiday so that is good. However I've been lingering around the 15's for too long. I want to get to 14 something, it was a goal I set for before my holidays and didn't achieve. I haven't been there since I was pregnant and I was overweight with Georgia. I am realising that I am actually afraid to be in the 14's which is really strange. I was a 'normal' size then (albeit a bit chunky) but certainly not huge. Has anyone else ever done this? I have set myself a goal of being 14 stone 6lbs in a months time (Sept 30th) because I really want to conquer the 14 stone barrier. Question is, why am I afraid of being slim?????

Bye bye bellies!!!

I wish I could answer your question but I havent been thin for many years nor have I been close to thin for many years!I hate any kind of change - it scares me, even if its for the better!? Thindom would be a whole new world for me and if or should I say when I get there I have no idea how I will react. I have no doubt that people will treat me differently including my family. I always feel that there is a disrespect that sometimes comes with being big.

To answer your question though I think that self sabotage is really common and that you may just be scared of the attention and the expectations of people when you are thin? Have you read Dr Phils weight loss strategies - he writes about self sabotage and that people do what works for them and everything we do has a payoff - maybe you could think about the advantages of being fat - being invisible for one?

I have decided to join WRL to help with my cal counting - I know you have been using it how have you found it?

Regular Member

I have found it really helpful. I like the calorie guidance and the fact that I can see how much exercise is helping me in the form of extra cals. I also lile being accountable to myself through recording what I eat - I can't lie to myself!!

Got a life thank you!

I think it is going to take a VERY long time to see myself thin and to act like a thin person around food but also I don't feel any different inside which is the really amazing thing - I am still me - whether carrying round more fat or not and that whatever my exterior my interior has remained the same, I haven't morphed into anything else.

Silver Member

Psychological barriers
I went to my weigh in on Thursday and lost 2.75lbs despite my holiday so that is good. However I've been lingering around the 15's for too long. I want to get to 14 something, it was a goal I set for before my holidays and didn't achieve. I haven't been there since I was pregnant and I was overweight with Georgia. I am realising that I am actually afraid to be in the 14's which is really strange. I was a 'normal' size then (albeit a bit chunky) but certainly not huge. Has anyone else ever done this? I have set myself a goal of being 14 stone 6lbs in a months time (Sept 30th) because I really want to conquer the 14 stone barrier. Question is, why am I afraid of being slim?????"

Above text by georgiesmum

some time ago this topic came up in my LL group and why would anyone want to stay overweight?
we all gave reasons why we would want to be slim and then reasons why we would want to stay fat!!after all the joking and messing about we really got down to the nitty gritty and a lot of us felt that being fat gave us protection from things we feared and things we had "a reason"not to do, it kept us in our comfort zone, we could always say" when i am slim, I will do such and such and oh I cant do that because of my weight!!" Infact we didn't really want to do these things anyway and being fat made sure we couldnt' . or these were things that we wanted to do but were so fearful of it was hard to let go of the one "barrier" we had decided was in our way!!
i myself had always wanted to study massage but would never dare as that would mean exposing my own body, being fat meant that that was never a real option for me (in my head!!) however now I have lost weight i have stepped out of my comfort zone and am doing a nvq in holistic body therapies, but it was really scarey sorting it out and going to interviews etc , i am so glad i did it but not having my fat ti hide behind can be tough!!

Another girl said that having had a bad experience with a man in the past she felt that if she was fat then she could keep male attention away ( this something she came to discover during LL meetings!!), so they may be many reasons why staying with whats familiar is a safer option and may put a block on your progress, however much you may think you want to be slim , dig deep and see if you have an issue that needs sorting so you may continue to blossom into the flower you so much want to be.

Silver Member

reading your post lavender has made me realise that i too use being overweight for an excuse not to do things/have things and that it is an issue that I will have to deal with if I want to mantain my loss once I acheive it. Thank you for your post.
bluemoon xx

My Mini Goals1. To get into the 14's - Done 2. For my work trousers to do up!3. To get into the 13's4. To start excercising regularily5. To get into the 12's6. To get rid of my size 18 - 20 clothes.7. To get into the 11's8. To get a new hairstyle

Administrator

I have had my pay offs as Dr. Phil says...being invisible and excuse not to do things I want to do....so many things...my fat suit is like my shell that I have lived in and a comfort...a bit like the fags...comes to the point where it begins to kill you and it is a high price to pay...

When I got down to 11stone 6lbs. can't even remember the exact weight which shows me how afraid I was...

Just as I write this I think it is fear of not measuring up!!!

Up to what ....not ever having the body I had before I got fat, that is a big one...

How to deal with loose skin if I get it? Major fears here

Grief and lots of it for the years I have wasted putting my life on hold and fiding that time went so quickly while I was deep in denial.

Out shopping the other day and I saw all these beautiful dresses and no way could I ever wear them as they were for the young....anyone up to 45 might get away with it. 51?.

I was in another shop and it found myself in the section for the mother of the bride as this was the only clothes that looked anyway descent on me...I came home and cried my eyes out and I will leave it here as I find it too difficult to even try and explain all the emotion I am feeling, for I don't yet know myself.

Silver Member

sending you big hugs, its so hard sometimes, i am sure people who have never had a weight problem think its easy to just lose weight amd then it all just peachy, what nobody really understands is all that is underneath!!

i can understand the slim person in a fat body thing, i always felt that way but now i am slim i still have a "fat persons" head on and have found that i forget i am slim and still have a "on a diet" mentality towards food, making things forbidden and "bad foods" , after 29 yrs of dieting i realise will take me a while to get to grips with all my issues but if i tackle them one at a time i will get there and so can you, we all have the ability within us its a case of getting the bull by the horns and going for it, but on some days it can be overwhelming and all seem to hard but its not, and you have done so well, keep going and you will reach your goal

Administrator

sending you big hugs, its so hard sometimes, i am sure people who have never had a weight problem think its easy to just lose weight amd then it all just peachy, what nobody really understands is all that is underneath!!

i can understand the slim person in a fat body thing, i always felt that way but now i am slim i still have a "fat persons" head on and have found that i forget i am slim and still have a "on a diet" mentality towards food, making things forbidden and "bad foods" , after 29 yrs of dieting i realise will take me a while to get to grips with all my issues but if i tackle them one at a time i will get there and so can you, we all have the ability within us its a case of getting the bull by the horns and going for it, but on some days it can be overwhelming and all seem to hard but its not, and you have done so well, keep going and you will reach your goal

I feel I am going on fine and then certain things just hit me and I wonder if I am making any head way and start to doubt myself and I still have not got the words to articulate what happened the other day...it is all running around in my head as clothes is something I have always loved and been very much interested in...

When what happened makes more sense to me I will talk about it, as for now I love your threads and I find them so helpful. Especially the adaptive child and the rebellious child etc....

Got a life thank you!

I have had my pay offs as Dr. Phil says...being invisible and excuse not to do things I want to do....so many things...my fat suit is like my shell that I have lived in and a comfort...a bit like the fags...comes to the point where it begins to kill you and it is a high price to pay...

Just as I write this I think it is fear of not measuring up!!!

Up to what ....not ever having the body I had before I got fat, that is a big one...

Mini, this is a very thoughtful post and also very insightful as well. I can't even pretend to be able to touch upon some of the issues you raised (ie, clothes for the over 50s) because I am 38 and not at that stage yet but as I share some of your other fears, maybe I can help with that.

A big part of my worries is about the loose skin afterwards - I know it is going to hang off me, I am just not going to go back in place as I was like a huge beach ball before I started (I will pm you a link to my blog and picutres so you can see). BUT no matter how fearful I am of the loose skin, I am more fearful of getting DVT (my grandpa had it and I had convinced myself I was going to get it as I had got that big).

I may not look good naked but at nearly 40 and married with three kids, that doesn't really matter to me, what matters is looking good in clothes, after all my hubby has already seen me at my worst.

Also I look at my loose skin as a reminder in a lot of ways - the fat has been a massive part of my life for such a long time and I am hoping it will be there as a sort of trophy I can be proud of - a constant reminder if you like of how far I have come - and so long as there isn't tonnes of fat in that skin, then what does it matter if it is a bit saggy?

I know that all sounds a bit bizarre but it is the only way I can think of to turn a major worry into something positive!

Silver Member

have thought alot about what you said about the clothes thing and i think what you need is some fun!!!
take a friend who you trust and go out for the day trying on evrything from mad stuff to uber exspensive stuff, dare each other to try stuff on, choose a couple of outfits for each other that you would never put yourself in and experiment.!!
the trouble is when you have an image of yourself in your head you will not see how you have changed in the mirror and still go for the same old stuff and things you think you "should" wear, you may get a surprise and find that a colour/style you would never have looked at really suits you and this will really lift your spirits, also remember 60 is the new 40 so you are a mere babe, so go girl and get your self a new image!!
leave mother of the bride stuff for when your pushing 80!!!

Regular Member

Thankyou for the responses to my thoughts. I realised that I am afraid. I don't want to be noticed but then ironically i don't want to be ignored either. Today i went back to work after a lengthy absence and so many people commented on my weight loss that I became self conscious. Then I realised that I hated being fat, I don't want to feel ugly in unattractive clothes and I deserve some positive attention. Maybe I am making progress.

Regular Member

I seem to have cracked the 14 stone thing so hopefully when I see Mrs Doyle on Tuesday her scales and the gym ones aren't too far apart!! My weight loss seems to be noticable now and some of the feedback isn't good - too thin, you'll be gaunt, you'll be anorexic (that made me pmsl!!!) your husband won't like you like that.... wtf!!! I don't comment on people , maybe I should - god you look awful, how fat are you now.......!!!!!!!!

Member

To me, it is all in the mind and the mind's tricks! I see it that way.Most of the time we are only thinking and thinking about how we lok like and how people see us(as in "She is so fat!"). If we are mentally strong, I think there s surely some way that we can do it!I have read many places that psychological disorders is a big cause of weight gain.Most of the time, we are not even aware of this psychologic effect on our weight. It causes us to seek refuge in food!
I read on another forum (Weight Loss - Are we at the mercy of Psychological disorders?) on this issue. I found it very interesting.
Thats why I included the link here.
If only there was some ways to control the mind and divert it from seeking shelter in food whenever we get stressful or depressed!

Member

I have had my pay offs as Dr. Phil says...being invisible and excuse not to do things I want to do....so many things...my fat suit is like my shell that I have lived in and a comfort...a bit like the fags...comes to the point where it begins to kill you and it is a high price to pay...

When I got down to 11stone 6lbs. can't even remember the exact weight which shows me how afraid I was...

Just as I write this I think it is fear of not measuring up!!!

Up to what ....not ever having the body I had before I got fat, that is a big one...

How to deal with loose skin if I get it? Major fears here

Grief and lots of it for the years I have wasted putting my life on hold and fiding that time went so quickly while I was deep in denial.

Out shopping the other day and I saw all these beautiful dresses and no way could I ever wear them as they were for the young....anyone up to 45 might get away with it. 51?.

I was in another shop and it found myself in the section for the mother of the bride as this was the only clothes that looked anyway descent on me...I came home and cried my eyes out and I will leave it here as I find it too difficult to even try and explain all the emotion I am feeling, for I don't yet know myself.

You are only 51, still young! Sometimes if we dress a certain way then that is how others will see us. I say you should get a trusted young or young minded friend to go shopping with you and buy some modern clothes, and get something different done with your hair.