Why do we do the awkward head nod?

Today while I was walking around on campus I made awkward eye contact with 3 different men on 3 separate occasions, each time we both did that head nod and half smile kinda deal. I had never seen any of these men before and probably never will again. I noticed that my dad did this when I was younger so I kinda picked it up. When I moved to college however, I stopped doing it because nobody ever nodded back, but obviously saw today that some guys still do it. It honestly felt kinda nice to do it and made me feel like there’s some sort of silent brotherhood among all men.

Edit: Thanks for all of the replies, everybody! Made me realize that just because it’s an awkward moment for me does not mean it is a bad moment. I should use the head nods as a way to express confidence. I was also glad to see so many of you enjoy this traditional head nod and see it a part of the “silent brotherhood” I wrote about

jollyrogerninja 623

What's awkward about it? It's a standard greeting in our culture.

hoodieninja86 266

Yeah.

Polite, efficient, and not too personal. Just how I like it.

The_Seventh_Beatle 89

Exactly. I'm a big fan of the nod.

boiler49 27

I suppose I’m just an awkward person then. I assumed other people thought it was awkward because other guys at school don’t do it

PM_Literally_Anythin 79

because other guys at school don’t do it

You probably just haven't noticed them doing it. It seems to be a pretty ubiquitous greeting among men. Nod head up for someone you know, nod head down for a stranger. Nobody knows why or how we all do it the same way, but we do somehow.

Lennette20th 21

That up vs down thing probably has to do with exposing the neck from a subconscious standpoint.

Jakewakeshake 18

yeah could be but I also have a healthy sense of cynicism toward evo-psych type of stuff, I’ve never seen any research that actually backs that claim personally

young_spiderman710 9

Curious as to what kind of research could prove pretty much any evolutionary psychology? We can’t go back and directly observe our descendants.

notanotherpyr0 3

There are some ways to research them but those pesky ethics boards frown on adopting babies for science.

THRWY3141593 3

That's the problem. What good is a hypothesis if it's not falsifiable?

Jakewakeshake 1

could say that about a lot of things we can’t directly observe

SuperGameTheory 1

You know, I’ve never really acknowledged this. But, thinking about it, I think dogs have a similar mannerism.

ComradeVoytek 1

It's a combo of all the lop
things men like. It's short, simple, effortless, to the point, and unambiguous. It's the perfect social interaction.

heatherriffic 10

men are such interesting creatures.

usernamelimitations 2

....im just realizing now that i upnod my friends and family and downnod strangers i see. i didnt even know i was doing this.

1738_bestgirl 9

Yes you probably are. In almost any awkward situation it is the awkward person making it weird.

pinhead_larry_scott 2

They probably don't give the head nod because they are awkwardly staring at their phone or the ground.

The head not is in my opinion the least awkward form of passing social interaction. I immediately assume that someone has a solid level of confidence if they hold my eye contact and acknowledge me while walking by.

KingCameron23 1

Even in Africa it's the same.

the-camster -10

??

This is the northeast US/NYC area. No one does that here.

jollyrogerninja 56

I'm sorry, I meant friendly cultures.

BusyLight32 9

What? I am in the northeast and to that all the time. Several times daily at the office in fact, spans all cultures from Indians, Jewish, Irish.... all of them.

Jakewakeshake 4

yup same, it definitely happens everywhere I’ve been in NY

alkeemi 4

People do that a lot in the nyc area.

GunzGoPew 3

I live in Connecticut, everyone does it.

Nobody does it in the city because if you had to acknowledge every person you walked by you'd injure your neck from nodding so much.

People DO do it in office buildings in the city though.

OrangesAreOrangeHa 3

I live in NY and do it.

yamo25000 1

I live in PA. I do it, but I'm not from here.

dumbcollegehopeful 2

From PA, we do it all the time (philly to be exact)

Trigger93 218

Upwards is to a friend to say, "Wassup?" Downwards is to a stranger to say, "Good evening."

I don't know where I learned that.

jrodriguez32 57

Natural instincts probably

INSadjuster22 15

Read somewhere that down is to protect the neck (vulnerable area) while acknowledging someone you don’t know. Up is all good cause you recognize them as a friend so you aren’t worried about your neck.

rippedhoundyo 36

I think that's just an attempt to rationalize a movement we've all just naturally grown accustomed to.

kmoneyrecords 40

Upward is to a perceived equal, downward is for an extra sprinkle of respect

BusyLight32 6

This is how I perceive it too.

that-dude-overthere 2

That is shit bow larry.

memesdotjpeg 12

I brought up the "head nod" to my dad once, and he said that he never nods downwards, only up. I was pretty confused and asked why and he said "You should never bow to anyone" and man as weird as it was, it was pretty cool to hear him say it

yabaquan643 9

Is your dad Aaragon? Are you a hobbit?

offinthewoods10 1

"We do not sow"

AdudeFromCL 3

Never noticed 'til now.

​

NOICE!

razorbackthrowaway 1

Oh damn I never realised I actually made that distinction

Summerismine 1

I've responded to a similar post about this before. It's based on my personal opinion, but I find it to be at least partially true.

It's more of a global phenomenon that has deep roots in human culture/evolution.

When nodding up, you are exposing your neck, making you vulnerable and exposed. This explains why you nod up when you see someone you are already familiar with and/or find trustworthy.

Same goes for the head nod down when meeting/acknowledging people you do not know (or do not know well enough) and thus protecting your neck.

Nodding down might also be some form of acknowledgement or respect, like a "light" version of bowing down if that makes sense.

Elaborating on that, I think nowadays this is more prevalent among males because males have always been the ones to fight and protect, and thus we have always been the one to gauge possible threats. Nodding up or down is like the precursor of shaking someone's hand.

When you are going to shake someone's hand, you are already very close to the other person. This implies a higher level of trust compared to nodding up or down. By shaking hands, rather than bowing or something similar, both parties express that they are generally equal. And even when shaking hands there are varying levels of trust, dominance and caution. Palm up or palm down, hard squeeze or soft squeeze, they all convey some sort of emotion or state of being. Now this is not always a consious process, but it has effects nonetheless.

Another interesting one is the "under arm handshake". Some people believe this originated in Roman times because of the practice of carrying a concealed dagger in the sleeve. Now I don't see this handshake very often (if at all) anymore, but it shows the importance and prevalence of gestures in human beings. And I think people underestimate that.

Anyways I've been going on a tangent for way too long now. Hope someone enjoyed. Just want to add that I did not at all verify all this information, and I could be way off. But I think theres a general truth in here anyhow.

standardalias 209

i didn't realize people find this awkward.

Jay_x_Playboy 82

Me neither. It’s like the natural response when you see another male

The_Seventh_Beatle 31

Same here. If anything, it's comforting

JadedMuse 2

Not sure I'd call it "natural". I'm sure there's a heavy cultural component. Where I'm from (Eastern Canada) I find it's far more common for people to say "Hello", "Good evening/morning", etc, than to just nod. But I live in a more rural area. I've definitely noticed more nodding in urban settings, where it seems a little less friendly. I find myself have to be very conscious before I even do it, as it doesn't come naturally.

KingCameron23 5

I live in South African and every man does it.

Magstrike105 21

The people who find it awkward have bad self esteem

energexer 2

If guys exchange head nods then they could potentially be friends if they met at a social gathering over brews and a game. However if conversation ensues after a head nod in public then their both scared of being judged as effeminate for trying to make a friend.

GreatDrakeKaido 2

It feels good tbh.

Betancorea 105

It is how men acknowledge each other's presence with a degree of respect. Otherwise what would we do? Avoid eye contact like a bunch of wusses? Or stare like a weirdo?

Easy-Tigger 52

Piss on the beta male to establish dominance?

KungFuActionJesus5 9

Guys who piss on the same beta male at the same once are automatically bros.

HabaLunaBrew 6

When I grow up, can I be someone's piss bro too?

KungFuActionJesus5 4

Yes you may.

MeepsG 5

What if you are the beta male? Do you just piss on yourself to establish dominance?

funkmasterflexknight

Speaking of peeing on other men, I came up with this sport the other day.

Hear me out on this one

Fencing but instead of swords it’s just two dudes trying to piss on each other

biochem-dude 71

:| nods

boiler49 9

That’s the one

BladesQueen 58

Idk but I've talked to a few trans girls who had to unlearn it, due to getting strange looks lmao

The_Seventh_Beatle 28

The nod is a hard habit to break.

It's not even masculinity, it's just muscle memory by the time we're adults.

balloonits 19

Really?

I’m a (cis) woman and I do this. I don’t get strange looks, it’s quite common if I meet someone’s eye regardless of their gender??

scriggled 6

I agree, I picked this up because it is an easy way to acknowledge that you've made eye contact. I didn't realize this was a gendered thing. Sometimes I just smile though.

dontloseyourkeys 2

Honestly I've never seen a woman do it. But maybe I'm so used to it from having guys do it that I can't remember.

WakeoftheStorm 2

When a woman does this it signals her desire to mate with you

balloonits 1

I promise you that it does not

WakeoftheStorm 1

Well damn, TIL

throawaycat4secrets 11

I'm a transman learning to:
a) do this to men instead of just averting my gaze
b) stop doing this only to lesbians

_phish_ 6

If you don’t mind answering a question, before you knew you were trans, did you know this nod existed?

Edit: sorry if that’s worded poorly, I realize many always know they are trans, maybe before you started the transition is a better way to phrase it.

throawaycat4secrets 3

I knew the guy nod existed since I was little - I thought my brothers were so badass doing it, but knew I couldnt pull it off. I knew the queer nod existed because I grew up (through college) in a really religious, conservative environment and that "I am here for you, I got you, we are in this together, stranger-friend" aspect to the nod is hard to miss when you're in on it. I knew my transition turned a corner when I'd do the nod at an obviously queer girl and wouldn't return it and just walk a bit faster. (When I was read as a queer girl, I'd more than one had a strange dude offer his dick to straighten me out, so I totally get the impulse to get away.)

(Ps, thanks for the sensitivity but I thought everything about your comment was good 👍 and I didn't always know I was trans! Be well -nod-

_phish_ 7

nods back

Shepsus 42

I don't have any scientific backing for my reasoning, but I'm going to guess it is to acknowledge ones presence and show you're not going to try anything.

Like, "Yep, I see you there. How do ya do? I'm just walkin"

You are basically letting him know you're there as much as you are acknowledging him being there.

SamsquanchKilla 4

I feel like ive seem bucks do this on huntin shows.

tfmeads 4

I didn't even realize women didn't do this until now.

PabloStoneBeard 1

Kind of similar to what animals do in the Savana around the water ponds, they look at each other, demonstrate they are aware of the presence, and get to their business.

ninohero 35

For you non-black fellows out here, allow me to let you in on a secret: the black nod.

It's when you come across other black dudes in non-black spaces (eh, I do it everywhere personally) and countries (think Eastern Europe or like rural Wisconsin).

It's akin to a: "I see you bruh, I don't know you but I'm here just in case you need help."

It's great.

rapiertwit 31

I've experienced the opposite - being one of two white dudes in a roomful of black people.

You avoid each other like the plague, because you're worried that if you go talk to the other white guy for five minutes, someone will think you're huddling together for safety.

analemmamania 7

Been here.

throawaycat4secrets 14

There is a queer nod as well. I always got the most use out of it in Ikea for some reason.

DJ-Salinger 3

How does it go?

WakeoftheStorm 1

It resembles a hair flip

FlyingBirdie 13

For all you non-motorcyclists out there, this also applies to motorcyclists that clock each other while riding on opposite sides of the road

InstupituousJay 7

I’ve been wondering about this as well. It’s like a fucking family reunion when a bunch of non family blacks enter a room; they all know each other lol I see this as well with filipinos and “straight out the border” looking Latinos (not so much with Americanized Latinos)

-LoafOfBread- 1

Hispanics also have the hispanic nod.

boyjo1 0

This sounds epic

Anishiriwan 26

If I nod at a guy and he doesn't nod back it fucks me up for the next hour

Shartburn 4

Don't sweat it. He nodded 3 seconds too late and was beating himself up for an hour, too.

renegatta 0

Thats because he humiliated you.

murfi 10

i guess its just showing that you're acknowledging another persons presence.

Ohboohoolittlegirl 9

I don't find it awkward at all. it's a good recognition of one another without actually talking, or stopping your current activity. It's my favorite one and it's so universal.. What I love about is that different nods have distinctive, different meanings.

prive8 7

game recognizes game.

SenpaiSusu 5

Holy shit I just realized these comments are usually the same people... that makes sense

BoogerMixedwETsPoop 5

Suh dude

underscore667 5

Nothing awkward, its a thumbs up to you, for being a dude and doing what you do!

You are surviving this world and doing so with a bit of swagger, I as man in a similar walk of life commend you for doing so, just as you commend me.

It's a sign of respect. 👌

svending 4

It says, "I'm aware of you in a nonthreatening manner."

puckbeaverton 3

It's avoiding an awkward moment. Next time you lock eyes with another man, just continue gazing. See how that feels.

dras333 2

I don't get what is awkward about it, it's acknowledging someone else without needing to engage in conversation. I think it would be more awkward not to pay attention to those around you.

gsumann 2

Bros being Bros! ..............sup Bros!

Dalefit90 2

You got a whole sub nodding up and down with this comment lol.

JD-Anderson 2

I wonder why I greet other men by just telling them what time of day it is. I just say “morning” or “evening” with a head nod. That’s it.

MillennialMushroom 2

Just a way to express namaste

computerdude2 2

I just give brojobs as hello.

joshfewell 2

I'm man. You man. We man...

mfullerton1998 2

Nod down for people you don't know, that one almost seems like a bow to show respect. I actually love it when I'm at the gym and that one big guy gives me the head nod, it makes me feel like I belong there even if I don't know anything about him. If we make eye contact and don't nod it's kinda embarrassing almost like I'm not worth his time. Nod up for people you know, shows you acknowledging and honestly I have a hard time smiling without nodding my head upwards.

ursieblue 2

My husband who is African American always gives a nod to people of the same race(black). He said its like a unwritten rule and it means "you made it bro". We live in europe.

dolos88 2

I usually and a "sup" to it. Seems normal to me and never had someone freak out.

WhuTom 1

It's acknowledgement!

If you know the person it's a quick greeting without stopping your day.

If you don't know them, it's just a respectful notice of the other's presence. I would rather that than see a human being as simply an obstacle in your line of sight as you desperately try not to encroach on their existence.

I think it's also a human trait that we trust and respect people who make eye contact with us; I know I certainly do.

S1lkyRoidRage 1

Supposedly it's a left over from when men used to tip their hats toward each other. Basically means "I acknowledge you exist fellow man." Downward nod is more respectful, upward nod can be seen as a challenge or boisterous, except if you know the person. But is has to be like an exaggerated upward nod, not a light one.

Archeol11216 1

I prefer this than to walk across the street to completly ignore a person you know but dont know what to say

SSDan007 1

Only awkward for awkward people...it's literally just a nod.

u1tra1nst1nct 1

Just a simple gesture showing that you respect each other's presence and territory to ensure you don't get stabbed if a riot ever breaks out. It's awkward only when you accidentally head-nod a chick, in which case it means you only see her as a "bro" and have instantly friendzoned her.

Just a simple gesture showing that you respect each other's presence and territory to ensure you don't get stabbed.

brjdi 1

I agree, it's not awkward and I like it better than saying Hi, hello... Not really an answer but something I think I learnt:
People and dogs/wolves are very similar when it comes to eye contact.
Looking at a dog, yours or stranger you'll make him react to it. If it's your dog and he's not afraid he will come to you asking "what? Why you looking at me like that? We go out?" And start brushing (making a physical contact) against you if you don't react.. No way it will pass unnoticed.
I can sweep across him with my eyes but the moment you look at his eyes a bit longer (parts of a second) and he catches your look you both know something happened.
If it's a stranger dog, you might get in trouble.
Your dog's brushing against you is him being a bit uncomfortable cos you didn't say "Hi" (by not reacting) but you did "challenge" him. Stranger dog might attack you..
Not saying hi to a man and starting at him makes him uncomfortable and challenges him. The reason why you nod back, make a slight face gesture, say hi or something is you answering peacefully back.. You both agree to non-confrontation after you guys noticed each other..
I don't know what's the answer really except that I think it comes from something primordial, deep within ourselves.

fuzzy_happy 1

Many think that the head nod between strangers who lock eyes serves as a simple acknowledgement and a show of respect, something along the lines of a non-verbal, "Yo".

thoed_e 1

always looked it as simple acknowledgment in passing

jsphstz 1

It’s a primal thing. You do a downward nod to show you’re just passing by, but it also protects your neck from somebody you don’t know/trust. You’ll realize this the next time you nod your head upwards to somebody you’re friends with.

Shartburn 1

This is standard bro code. You agree to it when they deliver your first set of testicles.

Good for you for complying with the Terms of Service even though you find it awkward.

QuincyPigboy 1

It's not awkward at all dude.

Worse_Username 1

Its a way to express a greeting to someone without them hearing your voice break from speaking after many hours of silence or drawing too much unwanted attention. Plus, it's such a minor gesture, that if the other person doesn't notice it or ignores it on purpose, it is easier to pretend that it wasn't meant for them.

I think it goes back to tipping your hat as a greeting. Since most people don't wear hats anymore, we nod.

Lajpton 1

Honestly, I never used nod at stranger or seen a stranger nodding at me, at least I can't recoll any situations like that.

I use nod when I see some work buddy, neighbour etc. or even when I see a friend, but we are for example on opposite sides of street, or I am in a hurry. I also don't like small talk, so nodding is a good greeting in such case.

I think that the reason people find nodding weird these days is that we are more focused on our phones in public, listening to the music and pretending we don't notice anything, so if you actually look at other people, it seems strange that they look at you, smile at you, nod at you and so on instead of being on their phones and ignore everything like a normal person :P

Wowmuchrya 1

Up = you know them, down = you acknowledge they exist.

We do it out of respect. If you get nothing you're invisible.

eternaly- 1

yeah but do you nod like “what’s up” or do you nod like “i approve” you feel me?

zephyr141 1

It's a quick and easy way to say I either "I acknowledge you" or "ey wat up?" I use the downward nod to acknowledge a person and the up nod for a "what's up/hey/how's it goin" message.

ThunderTongue76 1

Nodding up is for friends, but nodding down is for strangers.

Archer_F 1

Wait, do women have "the Nod"? I've never nodded at a woman and they've never nodded at me. How do women greet each other?

arkofjoy 1

For me it is an acknowledgment of the threat. When I am walking down the street, and I see another bloke walking towards me, I do the head nod. It says "I see you, I acknowledge that you are tough, and I respect that, but so am I, I am not afraid of you, but have nothing to prove to you either, go in peace dude"

That little head nod says a lot.

It is funny to me, when I am walking with my wife, she is often quite oblivious to all this, but I am scanning for risks and having this silent conversation with guys hanging out on the street.

MagnusTheGood 1

Definitely an acknowledgment of respect. Like if I see a respectable looking guy and make eye contact then ill deliver the nod. Just a regular casual greeting.

Sometimes they don’t do it back and in this case it usually ends in awkward eyes darting away after eye contact. In this scenario I find it kinda comedic to not break eye contact. I’ll wait for them to look away first. It’s weird but i makes me feel like I’m establishing a meaningless dominance over a stranger that I have no interest in interacting with. Just for fun : D

Dea_G 1

It's like tipping your hat without the hat. Just another form of acknowledgement.

celebritycoke 1

Suhhh dude

simonsaid86 1

Best universal form of communication ever. Ever.

Count_DeDolars 1

it's just acknowledging another person's presence. "I see you. I acknowledge you as another human being."

IMO, it's rude to just walk past somebody else and totally ignore him or her, as if they don't even exist.