I once asked a man what he was passionate about and he replied, leadership. “Leadership of what?” I asked. “I just want to be a leader, it doesn’t matter what.”

I could be wrong, but that sounds a bit like a power grab to me.

It’s a bit sad, if you ask me. But it’s not an unusual answer.

So many of us seek the most coveted position, which isn’t a bad thing if we’re seeking it in an area that we are passionate about and we have the gift-set, but when we want it just for the sake of having it, we will find ourselves in an excruciating uphill journey that feels mostly like trying to run quickly under water.

Worst of all, we’ll not be happy with the experience.

Co Co had it right. I think she knew well that putting aside our wish to be something, and seeking to be true to who we are and act from where we are passionate, immediately releases us from unnecessary cares.

Remember: Kindness is for all times in all situations – not just when it suits you.

-Audray Landrum

Those times in life when it seems that evil continually prevails, when greedy people keep getting, and vulnerable people keep losing.

Those times when those who don’t follow the rules keep winning, when those who prey on weaknesses are exulted, when those who feel entitled are granted whatever they wish, and those whose genuine efforts and unselfish motives are overlooked time after time.

Those times when I can’t bear to watch anymore, when my anger overtakes me, when for just once, for just one God damned time, my utter hatred of their actions, my complete disdain of them, my raging judgment of them makes me want to squash them, to shine a light on their selfishness, expose their nakedness to every single person, and humiliate them in front of the world.

In those times, although it’s excruciatingly difficult, I must dig deep inside of myself with humility, recognize those same tendencies in me and acknowledge my own shortcomings. I must search for the good in them, reach out with love and kindness and pray it makes a difference.

How do you recognize the difference between what is good for you and bad for you? Does fun mean bad? Does safe mean good?

How do you balance security and risk? When is it best to tread carefully? When should you throw caution to the wind?

How do you evaluate your need and their need? When do you sacrifice yourself for the good of someone else? When do your sacrifices border enabling?

Living only for our own comfort is the worst kind of extravagance; and truly brings no satisfaction in the end. And a life of consistently compromising ourselves to accommodate the agendas of others only serves to annihilate us and the gifts we could share with the world.

Can we ever really know the danger from the dance? I don’t think we can. At least not until our decisions finally play themselves out. But a really good indicator that we’re making the right decision may be to question our motives for the choices we make.

IN MANY WAYS, WE LIVE WITH what we dream and create. Our lives reflect the energy we’ve been putting into them. If we believe people are always out to get us, that is the scenario we unwittingly create and see. If we believe that people are good at heart, that is what we tend to nurture in others and see.

Does that mean if we’ve always believed the world to be hostile, there’s no love in it? Or if we’ve always been loving, there is no hostility in the world? No. But that’s likely what we’re inclined to ‘notice’ more in our daily lives.

One might think that it’s only those who are safe and loved that can see a loving world, but in my experience, it’s often those who are vulnerable and in danger who see the love in the world.

Anne Frank, whose family faced mortal danger, took the time to jot down these words: “I still believe, in spite of everything, that people are truly good at heart.”

President Barack Obama and first lady Michelle Obama greet Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau and Sophie Grégoire Trudeau at the North Portico of the White House in Washington, Thursday, March 10, 2016, for a state dinner. (AP Photo/J. Scott Applewhite)

Just a quick note to thank you and Michelle for being great examples of what leadership should look like.

I want to thank you both for all you did, and tried to do to make the United States and the world a more tolerant and safe and inclusive place. For ensuring that more folks had access to health care, for bringing hope to whole communities that had no hope before, for making tough choices, and patiently with humility, building solid relationships on the world stage. And most of all, for doing it with the poise, dignity, passion, integrity, compassion and sense of humour that should be the norm for any person who occupies a position of power.

No single person is perfect, or always gets everything right, but I believe that you did the best you could within the choices you had, and I for one, felt that I could breathe a little easier, even from way over here in Canada.

I wish you and Michelle all the very best and I know that you will continue to make a significant mark in whatever challenge you take on next.

I never knew her name, even though she was my neighbour.

I wrote about her once here. For the most part though, I never paid much attention to her. Sure, I saw her out-of-the-corner-of-my-eye. I even pitied her. And if I am to be completely honest, I felt guilty when I saw her. Guilty because she reminded me that there are many elderly people who are all alone in this world.

Another neighbour who lives a couple of houses to the right stopped to talk to me this past Saturday. She asked me if it was true that the bird lady had passed away. I looked to the left, a couple of buildings over, to the bird lady’s balcony and noticed that her balcony had been cleared of her belongings. To be honest I’ve been wondering if something happened to her. I hadn’t seen her drive slowly around the block or feed the birds in quite some time.

I told my neighbor that once in late summer, I had walked past her balcony to see if I could see a sign of her. I did not. And there was no management phone number on the apartment building that I could call to inquire about her.

So I did nothing.

Me.

The person who goes on and on about the importance of community…

I wonder why I didn’t reach out to her. Well actually, I think I know why.

I was afraid that she might take up a lot of my time.

That there would be things I couldn’t do, if I was involved with her. Things that I would miss. That I would have to give up.

And on a more personal level, I was afraid that I might one day be in her situation. That was something I definitely did not want to think about.

~ HUMP DAY CHRONICLES ~

I never knew her name and I don’t know what happened to her. But I do know that I don’t want to be someone who sees people out of the corner of my eye…

Insofar as an appropriate degree of self-love is received, held, enjoyed, trusted, and participated in, this is the same degree to which love can be given away to the rest of the world. You can and you must “love your neighbor as you love yourself” (Matthew 19:19)—for your own wholeness and for theirs. Without this full flow in and out, we frankly have many “constipated” believers. – Richard Rohr

In yesteryear if you weren’t putting others ahead of yourself, it was frowned upon. You were selfish, self-centered, entitled, narcissistic. After all, you must ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’

I didn’t really catch the ‘as yourself’ bit until I was in my 40s. What a relief! I could also love myself, set healthy boundaries, take steps toward self-care. Live in peace and harmony with you.

But when I see what’s happening in the world today, how horribly we humans treat other humans who don’t think like us, believe like us, live like us, I wonder has the pendulum swung too far. Has it become all about me and how my corner of the world is affected by you? Do we now fear instead of love our neighbor?

Over the years I have had the privilege of walking alongside some of the most vulnerable and traumatized people in our city.

When I came across the above quote, I immediately thought of these beautiful people, because it is often those coming out of the fire, those who need comfort themselves who provide comfort to another person. It is often those who have nothing that give everything.

Never have I witnessed as great a spirit of generosity, courage and love in another group of people. Never have I run across as great an example of people who ‘live in the moment’ better. Never have I been so inspired to reevaluate my views and the definitions of words like love, happiness and success.

When did it become all about ‘Me’ and ‘How much I can get’ instead of putting others ahead of ‘myself?’

When did it become easy to do nothing and turn away from those who are suffering?

I like to think that I’m pretty open-minded. That for the most part I will at least hear you out when you have a different opinion about something.

But the truth is if I feel strongly about something, I will dismiss your thoughts within the first few seconds of you opening your mouth. I will even go so far as to find scientific data that supports my view! And I’m willing to bet that this is true of you as well.

We easily believe what we want to believe.

But it doesn’t mean if you don’t agree with me you are against me or if I don’t agree with you I am against you. It doesn’t mean that we cannot connect on common ground elsewhere. It doesn’t mean we cannot respect, care for, or love each other.

Yes there are things we may not agree on – big things – things we are passionate about; things that get our blood boiling and make us emotional.

But the number of things we do agree on like basic human kindness, compassion and dignity far outnumber the things we disagree on.

This last week has served to remind me how much I value, and how important community is. Community, or a sense of belonging if you will, drives us to discover the things we have in common and start from there to create something beautiful together.

On Thursday night from 6:30PM to 3:30AM on Friday, I volunteered with a group of people, some of whom I’d never met, at a local casino to raise funds for Oxford House Foundation of Canada. It was only the second time I’d ever worked a volunteer shift at a casino. And oh man, staying up all night is not as easy to bounce back from as it was in my twenties! A month or two ago I worked a day shift for another wonderful organization called Fresh Start.

I gotta tell ya, both volunteer shifts were incredibly fun in that I always like learning new things and I always love meeting new people. The outstanding part of this experience for me, has got to be the fact that over the two days that a non-profit organization hosts a casino, up to 40 volunteers are needed to make it work. And they all work together, very hard I might add, to benefit a specific charity.

It really is something of great value when opportunities like this arise and one is able to take part in them!

On the following Saturday, I was invited to speak to a group of about hundred people on fundraising. Fundraising is both a science and an art, and I focused my talk on the art.

The art is all about relationships. And relationships are all about two-way communication, learning from each other and adding and gaining value from working together. In essence, it’s about building community which just happens to be my core passion!

My talk was divided into parts including: Know yourself and know others. One of the best ways to build solid relationships is to connect through stories: telling your story, learning their story and building a story together.

In other words, my story with the challenges I’ve faced and the resolutions I’ve come to have shaped who I am, what I value, what I am passionate about and why. The same is true of your story. When I know myself and I know you and what your values and passions are, we can find ways to be together for the greater good to create a better world for all of us. We are committed through our common values, passion and goals.

Now that’s like magic to me! What could possibly be more meaningful than that?

~ HUMP DAY CHRONICLES ~

What is one of your favourite stories about working with a group toward a common goal? What was one of the challenges you have faced in your life that has made you who you are today? Which values did you adopt because of it? What are you passionate about?