Innovation, Commercialization, Entrepreneurship, and University Research

Thursday, May 30, 2013

Please Pass The Mustard!

By Keith McDowell

It was a simple act. I inserted the
plastic credit card with the magnetic strip purposely aligned on the top left
into the card reader at my local Shell gas station pump and rapidly withdrew
the card, certain that once again, I would be authorized after typing in my
area code and punching credit. But alas, all I got was a message to see the
attendant inside.

I tried again. Same message.

Not wishing to appear insanely stupid
and knowing that my credit line was impeccable, I trudged inside muttering to
myself about accidentally getting the small magnets on my clip-on sunglasses too
close to the magnetic strip on my credit card. Scientists like me always have
such a ready explanation for unexpected phenomena.

The busy attendant interrupted her
processing of a line of paying customers, all of whom were giving me the evil
eye, and informed me that I should change the speed at which I withdrew the
card from the reader since that often was the problem. She was obviously
processing me as a silly old man who had not joined the credit card generation.

Retreating sheepishly and somewhat
embarrassed to the gas pump, I tried several more times while varying the speed
of insertion and withdrawal. Same message each time. Frustrated beyond measure,
I did the manly thing, got in my car, and drove off for a soothing meal at my
local MacDonalds.

Like all great connoisseurs of
burgerdom, I appreciate the fine distinctions between an old-fashioned
ranch-style burger with mayonnaise, lettuce, tomato and pickle versus the synthetic
Big Mac with its secret sauce. And, of course, there is the Angus burger with
plenty of onion and lots of strong, spicy mustard. Sadly, Texas doesn’t have
those wonderful green chili burgers found in New Mexico.

I choose the Angus burger meal and reached
into my pocket to extract the misbehaving credit card when what to my wandering
eye should appear but the logo on said card. Too my horror and chagrin, it
wasn’t the expected overlapping red and orange circles on my MasterCard, but
the blue logo of my Randal’s grocery card. I was using the wrong card! How
could I have missed the obvious?

Like any typical husband, I wanted to
blame my wife for shuffling my wallet full of plastic cards, but this time I
was stuck with my own malfeasance. The MasterCard was located where I always
keep the grocery card. So much for force of habit!

But let’s be clear about this! Exactly
how many cards do I have? Let’s see. There are two credit cards, a debit card,
two grocery cards – one for Colorado, three hotel chain cards, a restaurant
club card, two airline cards, one international SOS card, a passport
information card, a AAA auto card, a bank card, three business association
cards, two health cards, several government ID cards including a driver’s
license, a couple of retailer cards, an REI membership card, several partially
used Washington Metro cards, a compliance HOTLINE card, and a VIP entry card.
Did I miss one?

Even in retirement, I clearly need one
of those Lifestyle Lifts
compliments of the TV commercials featuring Debbie Boone. The sag under my chin
and all those wrinkles around my eyes were clearly caused by dealing with too
much plastic and the embarrassment of choosing the wrong card.

But do we really have to deal with all
that plastic in the modern electronic-IT age? Actually, NO! Believe it or not,
you can now replace your plastic cards with a cellphone and some wireless
technology. At Verizon, it’s called the ISIS Mobile Wallet. You pay by synching your cellphone at checkout and clicking away.
Hopefully, the bill is achieved through RFID tagging
of the products you want to purchase. While not widely available, it’s clearly
the future. So much for that fistful of plastic!

Even better, you really don’t need to
leave the comfort of your home to shop … and I’m not talking about the standard
web surfing experience. Real shoppers want the feel of being there and the
tactile experience. Enter the 3D graphical user interface attached to a virtual reality headset
complete with electronic gloves and in the future, a sniffer to provide the
olfactory dimension. So much for a static 2D computer screen!

Just image going to your favorite mall
anywhere in the world and entering the store of your choice. The smell and the
atmosphere will be there including the ability to reach out, touch, and pick up
anything of interest to you. Can I still squeeze the bread loaf to check for
freshness? Merchants will go out of their way to insure a quality virtual
experience, coupled with the ability to purchase their products with ease and
have them arrive quickly on your doorstep. You don’t believe me? Such simulated 3D
tours already exist on the Internet.

But what about my craving for a Big Mac
or an Angus burger? Surely that will not be satisfied by a virtual world? I’ll
still have to get into my car, purchase gas with my mobile wallet, and head to
my local MacDonalds. Not so fast! The Star Trek Food Replicator is here … or kind of here.

Let’s refresh our memory on the
production of “food” as a generic item. In the olden days, pioneers stored up
on salt, pepper, flour, cornmeal, sugar, molasses, vinegar, fiber from the
garden, protein from animals and beans, potatoes, and so forth. They used these
primitive ingredients to prepare “food.” The modern food replicator will do –
and does – the same thing. Starting with containers of the basic ingredients,
the proper proportions are injected into a preparation vessel and microwave
cooked as appropriate.

And out pops a Big Mac. Or, at least, it
will “taste” like a Big Mac. With experience, some measure of “texture” and
“smell” will also be achieved. To future generations, it will become the “Big
Mac” experience. If you don’t believe in multiple “Big Mac” experiences, order
a Big Mac in South Korea and see what you get!

Yuk is all I have to say. I like my Big
Mac and I want mustard on my Angus burger. And will I have to tip
electronically the virtual waiter who responds to my voice command on the food
replicator?

Just imagine the TV fare fifty years
from now. You’ll be able to choose between the geek chef cooking competition
for the best replicator recipe or a half-hour show entitled “Replicator Review”
for those desiring haute replicator cuisine. Captain Kirk, what have you done
to us?

So the next time you insert that plastic
credit card into the gas pump, let’s hope you don’t get the message: “see
attendant.” Who knows what will happen to you after that? Just don’t forget to ask
for the mustard!

About Me

Keith McDowell is a scientist and research administrator widely known for his research in theoretical chemical physics on quantum dissipative systems and for his leadership as the vice chancellor for research and technology transfer at The University of Texas System as well as vice president for research at The University of Texas at Arlington and The University of Alabama. Dr. McDowell is a graduate of Wake Forest University and Harvard University. An Alfred P. Sloan Fellow and awardee of the University of Texas Chancellor's Award for Teaching, Dr. McDowell is currently a retired professor of chemistry from The University of Texas at Arlington residing in Austin, Texas. Keith is an expert genealogist with several books and manuscripts to his credit (www.mcdowellgenealogy.com) and an avid mountaineer with over 500 ascents spanning forty years.

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