Archives for June 2015

So you’re going to be a pilot’s wife! Run while you can Congratulations! Whether you’ve just tied the knot or are getting ready to, here are some tips that I think you’ll find helpful. I’ve been with my pilot for 11 years, and we’re coming up on 9 mostly awesome years of marriage. While this is nowhere near as long as some other pilot wives (my friends included), I think it’s been long enough that I can offer some advice. And while my marriage is nowhere near perfect (hahahaha, oh that made me laugh), I’ve learned a ton along the way. I want to pass this on to you, mainly so you have an idea of what to expect, but also so that you can learn from my mistakes.

Expect the Unexpected

If you haven’t learned this yet, you will fast. There is nothing steady or stable about aviation life. From moving to different states (or sometimes countries), to schedule changes (oh, you thought he would be home tonight? Yeah, that’s not happening) to upgrading, and downgrading, regionals to majors, and everything in between, stability is nowhere to be found.

So, how to deal? Roll with the punches. You have to be flexible or you will go insane. Just realize it now: You have no control. And your pilot has no control over it, either. So you can either get caught up in the unfairness, the inhumanity, the injustice of it all… Or you can recognize early on that it is what it is, so you might as well just go with it.

Trust me, the latter option makes your life SO much easier.

Stay Awesome

That girl that your husband was dating, remember her? The one who had interests and hobbies, who loved to laugh and create adventures, who shared her hopes and dreams for the future with bright eyes and a sense of humor. The one who was down for a spontaneous roll in the hay and who also loved to go do things, who was opinionated and sometimes sassy, the one who loved fiercely and wanted to travel and try new things.

Don’t ever let her leave you. Do everything in your power to keep her around, because when you’re managing finances and the household and laundry and dinner and trying to find time to clean somewhere in there and what the hell, why am I the only one doing shit around here and omg if I have to listen to him talk flying for another minute I swear to God and what do you mean what have I been doing while you’ve been gone – she can seem a long ways away, like a distant memory. Don’t lose sight of her. Keep your interests, and keep your hobbies, and keep your sense of humor, because you are going to need them. They will be your lifeline in the midst of monotony.

Just because you are married doesn’t mean you have to lose yourself. Your husband does not complete you, you complete you. Yes, you are part of a team, a new family. But being a wife doesn’t define you, it’s just another part of your awesome self. So stay awesome.

Loneliness Is a Choice

Yep, I said it. Because it’s true. There is so much world out there left for you to discover! Life doesn’t end with marriage. It ends when you have kids. (That’s a joke, I promise. Kids are awesome. Especially when they’re asleep.)

Loneliness is a choice. Why? Because you are only going to be as lonely as you want to be. I’m not going to sit at home and bemoan the fact that my husband is gone when I could be doing something fun instead. Yes, I have a job and responsibilities. No, that doesn’t mean I have to go home every night and do nothing. How boring is that?! I don’t have time for loneliness when I’m busy.

There are far too many resources available to make excuses. Remember those hobbies and interests you kept? Find friends who like to do the same thing and hang out! This is the perfect time in your life to do all the things you want to do before you start having kids.

Have a girls’ night out with friends, meet new people, meet neighbors, meet people in groups online (like pilot wife groups on Facebook – or anywhere you can find support. Having friends in the industry who “get it” is a lifesaver) and get yourself out there. Take a cooking class, go to movies (that your husband might not be into – Magic Mike 2, anyone?), go to parks, and go to museums. Read books and magazines out by the pool. Do what makes you happy!

You know what’s not lonely? Enjoying your own company. Eating powdered donuts and drinking wine on the couch while binge-watching Orange is The New Black in my pajama pants isn’t lonely either. That’s called fabulous.

The point is, of course you are going to be lonely sometimes. That is inevitable. But what are you going to do about it? Are you going to sit around and wallow in your loneliness, or are you going to go out and enjoy your life? Being a pilot wife offers a certain (and glorious) amount of freedom to do what you want that other wives don’t often experience. Take advantage!

Self-Reliance Is Your Friend

Remember what I said earlier about expecting the unexpected? Well there’s this rule among pilot wives, it’s pretty much Murphy’s law of aviation: Whatever can go wrong while your pilot is gone, will go wrong.

Whether it’s car issues, house issues, or medical issues, you should have a plan in place for when the unavoidable shit hits the fan. (Here’s a handy post I wrote about things you should know how to do yourself.) The more you know how to do on your own, the more confident you’ll be in handling things when they do go wrong.

Sure, it can be intimidating to learn to do things yourself. But I can’t even tell you how empowering it is. I am now a master of assembling IKEA furniture, changing a flat tire, and handling other emergencies. I’m also a master of knowing when to call for help if something is out of my depth. There’s only so much I can handle, and knowing my limits is something I consider to be a strength. I can do a lot, but not everything!

Stay Connected

This is another big one. Maybe the biggest big one. It’s vital to your relationship that you stay connected. Because the little things building up into big things are what tear so many aviation families apart. It’s easy to let things slide and become bad habits. It happens. But you have to put the work into your marriage in order to get what you want out of it. And it. Takes. Work. A lot of it, sometimes.

So keep dating each other. Keep dating, and keep kissing, and keep holding hands. Keep asking each other questions, stay interested in each other, and stay interesting. Text each other, call each other, and FaceTime each other. Whatever it is that keeps you both feeling that spark, do it. Here’s another post I wrote about how to keep the sizzle going when you’re married to a pilot.

If you’re lucky enough to have been hired by a major, it may come as sort of a shock that first year pay is so low, especially if you’ve become accustomed to getting decent pay from a regional.

Although some pilots marry women who make as much, if not more, than they do, I have found that the majority, myself included, do not.

No matter how you’re doing it, here are ten tips to help you get through survive those awful first 12 months.

1. Plan and Cut Back

You know ahead of time that this is going to be a challenge, so prepare as much as possible. Do what you can to eliminate debt and minimize payments. The less money you have going to payments is the more money you get to keep and use elsewhere.

Try to lower as many bills as you can. If you don’t have one already, get a family share plan for your cell phones, or see if there’s something else you can cut out (minutes, texting, data) to slash it even more. Cut your cable (yes, I’m serious) and stream Netflix instead. Get rid of your landline unless it’s absolutely necessary. Getting rid of our house phone (that we never used and only rang with solicitors) was one of the best things we ever did. It cut our bill by a lot and our evenings became peaceful again!

Try and get by with the basic plan for everything. If you have credit cards or student loans, check into lowering your payments or deferring if possible. It never hurts to ask!

If you can save anything, put it away while you can. I can assure you you’re going to need it. Car repairs, household issues, and other unexpected mishaps can break you if you’re unprepared. And putting it on a credit card can really hurt you long term. Your future self will thank you.

2. Create a Budget and Stick To It

If you haven’t used a budget before, now is the time to start. There are a ton out there, do a Google search to see which one you think will work the best for you. Dave Ramsey is extremely popular among aviation families; I suggest you look into that if you can.

Whatever type of budget you use, it’s so important to stick to it. Having it all written down will help you immensely in tracking where your money goes. It’s also important to keep the communications lines open with your spouse. You should both be on the same page and willing to talk about finances.

Financial intimacy is vital; fights about money are inevitable, but being able to trust each other and work together as a team can really help quell any arguments ahead of time.

3. Don’t Acquire New Debt

This seems like a given, but you’d be surprised. Save the car and house buying for later (did you laugh at house buying? I did too. Who is that crazy?). It might be tempting to buy a TV when the payments are $37 a month, but that $37 could go towards gas money instead. Like I said, you’re going to need all the extra money you can get. Don’t do it.

4. Skip The Luxuries

This is the part that sucks, and takes a lot of sacrifice. But you gotta do what you gotta do. And it’s a year, not the rest of your life. You have to remember that this is temporary.

During first year pay I stopped getting my hair cut (which wasn’t too bad, since I usually grow it out long after cutting anyway), I stopped getting my nails done (easily $50-$65 a month), and I shopped at consignment stores for clothing. It actually wasn’t horrible, you’d be surprised what you can find. I had to make do with what I had, and even though sometimes it sucked, it was worth it.

We stopped eating out, which had been a huge money pit. Instead, I used our budget to meal plan each week, and I went out and found the best deals on food. I also learned how to cook and freeze meals to make them last a lot longer. And no-name brands were my new best friend.

I still shop at the dollar store for certain things (party supplies! kitchen utensils! cleaning products!) because of the habits I started during the first year.

5. Find Free Things To Do

Fun, free things to do are literally a Google search away. Just enter “free things to do in [enter your city here]” and check it out. You can find performances, parks, art festivals and more. Just because you’re on a budget doesn’t mean you can’t still do stuff. You just have to be a little more creative.

Also, check around for Groupons, free outdoor movie nights, or museum specials. You never know what you could find!

6. Trade Services

Have a talent or a skill? Trading services can be a great way to get stuff. Being a photographer has gotten me childcare, meals, baby clothes, and more. You can also trade babysitting with a friend to score date nights, something that came in very handy for us. They were cheap dates, but dates nonetheless!

7. Craigslist and Swip-Swap Sites

We’ve all heard the sketchy stories about Craigslist meetups gone wrong, and no one argues that it can be dangerous. But if you do it right, Craigslist can be a huge resource for awesome deals. You know the drill – meet in a public place, during daylight hours, let a few people know where you’ll be and what you’re doing (text before and after), and bring someone (or multiple people) with you. I have scored so many amazing deals this way (and made money selling crap we didn’t need!) – even though I had to wait for my husband to be home, it was worth it.

Ever heard of Swip-Swap? Found on Facebook, virtually every city/town has jumped onboard with one of these. It’s like an online garage sale – sort of a safer Craigslist, since you know who the people are (or where to find them) and it usually involves “porch pickup” with no in-person interaction. I have made a lot of money selling baby items and toys – and gotten stuff like free (sealed of course) formula, cheap diapers, and kid clothes as well.

You just have to be quick; things on the swip-swap sites can go fast. But the deals can be amazing.

My friend got my son this climbing toy for his 5th birthday. Retails on Amazon for (not joking) $385. She got it for $35. And the thing is still new! If that doesn’t motivate you, I don’t know what will. Just search for groups in your area on Facebook.

8. Increase Income

If you’ve cut everything you can and you still are cutting it close, try to come up with different ways to add to your income. Are you good at making things? Open an Etsy shop. Or consider driving people around in your spare time with companies like Uber or Lyft. There’s a myriad of ways to earn extra cash.

Fiverr is a site where you can offer your services (voice over, song writing, designing, copywriting, editing, singing) starting at $5 and go from there. For instance, if you do voice over, you can offer 20 words for $5 and then include add-ons (where the real money is made).

If you teach, you can tutor online. If you knit or sew, you can open a store with Etsy or bigcartel.com. You can also watch other children in your home or pet sit. I made $100 watching someone’s sweet dog for a week once. It was easy money!

9. Be Supportive

Chances are, if you’re going into this with at least some knowledge of the task you’re undertaking, you’re already a supportive person. It’s a big deal that you are supportive of your husband during the hard times – you deserve a lot of appreciation for it. You just have to keep in mind that you’re in this together. Is it fun? No. Does it mean you can’t have fun? Absolutely not!

Don’t lose sight of your long-term goals in the midst of stressful times. It’s going to be difficult, I promise. But I can also promise that it does get better. A lot better.

Just keep repeating; it’s only temporary, it’s only temporary.

Give each other space to be frustrated if that’s how you’re feeling. Keep communicating no matter what. But don’t let it consume you – this kind of stuff is what can ruin marriages. Try and stay connected as much as you can.

And then?

10. Plan Your Party!

That’s right, you deserve it! Surviving 1st year pilot pay warrants celebration – you made it! You are now fighters of frugality, masters of money, slayers of setback, and conquerors of catastrophe. Congratulate yourselves, and plan something fun for that first 2nd year paycheck. However you decide to celebrate, make it good. And know that most likely the worst part is over.

Xoxo,

The Flight Wife

***Have anything you would add to this list? Comment below, I always love hearing from readers!***

Crap. Father’s Day is in less than 2 weeks, and if you’re anything like me, you still don’t have a gift yet. In fact, if it weren’t for making myself write this blog post, I probably still wouldn’t have anything until a few days before. Don’t get me wrong; I’ve been the benefactor of many awesome gifts to my husband. Some of which include a surprise hot air balloon ride, an iPod touch (I was super broke at the time and saved up for it), and his favorite, a huge beer making kit that kick-started his brewing hobby. No Mr. Beer kits here, I got him the real deal. Man, I’m a good wife.

But it seems like every year it gets harder to come up with something creative or that he’ll actually like. And he’s often not much help when he doesn’t know what he wants either. Usually I can pick up on something he’s been checking out online or take note during our conversations if he has mentioned something he wants. But sometimes I got nothin’.

I took an impromptu poll on my Facebook page yesterday, asking other pilot wives what gifts their husbands have loved. The consensus was clear; our guys like gifts that are personalized for them and their hobbies. And no, I don’t mean personalized like putting their name on a pen. They like stuff that has to do with their interests, things that make life easier, and things that are fun. Or that involve food. Like bacon. Mmmm, bacon. Lingerie is always a hit, too. Serving bacon while in lingerie? I think I just found my gift.

Anyway, I put together a list that hopefully offers something different and unique. If you’re stuck on what to get your husband for Father’s Day this year, I hope this helps. And I even added a few for the budget-conscious wife (pretty much synonymous with pilot wife most of the time), because I’ve been there.

***Disclaimer: I am not affiliated with nor have I been compensated for listing any of these products… But I totally would if they offered. Anyone?? Anyone?? Damn.***

I love when my husband grills, because not only do I not have to cook, but I also get to eat delicious food. Win win! These spices look amazing, I can only imagine how good a juicy steak would be with the peppered habanero. Yum!

Are you freaking kidding me?! The stuff they come up with, I’m telling you. Stick this thermometer into your meat on the grill, and head back inside where you can view the temps from your phone. No more waiting around the grill getting smoke in your face. You can even set an alarm for when it reaches the perfect temp. Awesome.

I bought my husband a pair of these and he loves them. You keep them in the freezer and then stick them into your beer bottle and drink (the top is drink-through). Beer stays cold the whole time! Don’t forget to drink a few gulps first, you have to displace some liquid before it ends up on the floor. Not that I’m speaking from experience or anything.

(Found it cheaper at Bed Bath & Beyond than on Amazon, where it’s listed for $33)

This speaker is probably one of the best purchases I have made. It’s a powerful little sucker! And fits perfectly in the palm of my hand. The picture shown is how it looks when it’s open, it actually squishes down and closes. The best part is that it’s wireless! I can play music that’s already on my phone or just stream in Pandora. I can take it on the lake when we go boating, or out to the backyard by the pool. Super handy and convenient. The only downside is that the charger connects to USB, but I’m pretty sure I could use one of those iPhone hubs to plug it into the wall, I just haven’t tried it yet. Other than that it’s perfection!

This awesome organizer puts all your little gadgets and necessities in one place, perfect for taking your stuff in and out of your flight bag. Also good for organizing your items when you have to stay in hotels often. And the price is great! There are different colors and sizes available, this one is 8×12 inches. There’s another one that hooks onto a tablet as well. Pretty cool!

This handy little pocket tool includes screwdrivers, a bottle opener, a box and letter opener, and ruler. And it all fits neatly into your wallet. It is approved to go through TSA (no blades and no knife included), but users have reported them being taken. (Shocker.) Best to keep this at home, but travel with it at your own risk. I think my husband needs one, he’s always misplacing his screwdrivers!

I had never heard of this before I started doing gift research, and this intrigued me… So basically, you get this canvas (and a big sheet of plastic that comes with it) and you slather paint on yourselves and then have sex on the canvas. What?! Then you hang your sex art wherever you want and use it as a reminder of your love.

Sign me up!!! I actually think it’s a very unique gift that could be so fun! Can you imagine hanging it over the fireplace while your neighbors/in-laws/friends ask where you got such an original piece? Oh, the possibilities. I think we’ll make one to hang above our bed. I’ve been looking for artwork when this whole time we could have made our own! Genius, I say. It comes with black paint, but you can also purchase colors for $5 apiece. Also, read the reviews, they are entertaining as well.

This game looks fun! Nothing like a little Truth or Dare to spice things up in the bedroom. And who doesn’t love a good game? Pretty sure there’s no losing in this one. 😉

For Wives On A Budget, And Gifts For Any Dad:

Some of the best gifts are from the heart, or are handmade with love. Here are some gifts that don’t cost much, but are definitely worth their weight in gold, and guaranteed to bring a smile.

Photo Album

Albums filled with pictures of you and your kids are a great little reminder of your love while your husband is away. You can customize it however you like, and it doesn’t have to be expensive. Bonus points if the kids hold “I love Dad” signs or other Father’s Day related sayings.

On the flip side, you can always give your husband a sexy reminder with an album of your pictures for his eyes only. I don’t know any husband who wouldn’t want that!

A Cooked Meal/Breakfast In Bed

One of the pilots I asked told me he would love nothing more than to come home to a delicious dinner made by his wife. There’s something about someone cooking for you that makes you feel taken care of. Whether it’s breakfast in bed or a special dinner, making your man some food is thoughtful and sweet.

Indoor Picnic/Date

Set up an indoor picnic in the living room and rent movies or watch your favorite recorded shows together. Have drinks and snacks ready, and get some pillows and blankets for a nice night in.

Coupon Book

I love coupon books, since they are full of fun little things you can do for each other that don’t cost anything but time. Here’s a really cute one from the blog iheartnaptime that is a free printable! You can download it here.