A love letter to my fat rolls

Share

Is it possible to love myself enough that every roll, every dimple, and every wrinkle is loved too? It’s all an extension of the truly accepted, truly beloved, and true story of who I am. I was told my body was all I had to become worthwhile, but what if that was a lie, and the truth is my body doesn’t make up my worth. My worth is made up of many facets of my being; my ability to learn, my tenacity, my heart for the broken, and my birthright as a daughter of Father God. My body is an extension of all those things, and not an object to be worshipped.

The lie that was drummed into my head growing up was that if men do not find me attractive then I’m worthless. My father taught me to see myself as nothing but a sexual object that was created to please men, and so I did the opposite; made my body ugly so men wouldn’t want to touch me ever again. Deep down I felt if I was ugly then maybe I won’t be attacked again; something my body had become so accustomed to. The men in my life used my body as they pleased without my permission and so I felt maybe if I make myself unattractive I could have some power back. It’s a two edged sword; I feel safer being overweight but I also hate my body; the rolls, the cellulite, and the ill fitting clothes.

Our body holds wisdom

The conclusion I’ve come to is this; my body is a miracle. It kept me alive through 21 years of abuse, it protected me without me asking it to by allowing me to not be present during the abuse, and it continues to be a miracle by healing and putting itself back together one part at a time. So I think I’m going to keep it and love it as much as it has loved me all these years. Love every roll, every stretch mark, and every scar. It’s all part of my story; it holds every memory, every tear, and all of that pain in it and still manages to survive! It may never look like a supermodel but not every car can be a Mercedes, someone has to be the rusty warn car that doesn’t give up no matter how many times it’s been abused.

Before you judge a book by its cover

It’s time to let go of unrealistic expectations of women’s bodies. The world says we need to look a certain way to be accepted but we are not defined by the world’s standards. The world says stick thin was the only acceptable body shape but didn’t God make people in all shapes and sizes? Who told us that a size 6 is beautiful? I’ve heard pastors preach being overweight is a sin but who told us what defines being overweight? Some of us will be thin naturally, some of us will be overweight naturally, and some of us will be somewhere in the middle; but that body type does not dictate our worth, God does. He says you’re His beloved; this is not based on your body. Fall in love with your body, take your power back from your abusers, and love yourself no matter what size you are.

Much Love,

(Ps. I am not advocating overeating to feel safe, I believe in looking after our bodies, but it begins with loving the skin you’re in!)

Even when I was skinny I was still a big girl. I have found some of the worse things being said about heavier women actually come from women. Men have been brain washed for way to long. Women should know better and support one another.

“He says you’re His beloved; this is not based on your body. Fall in love with your body, take your power back from your abusers, and love yourself no matter what size you are.” This is beautiful ! Thank you for sharing a part of you that reflects me. We all cannot be the same size, but we can all be accepting ! Much love.