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I give some credit for the fact that I’m still here. To those who practice religion. Because there was a time in my life when I reached what they call rock bottom. On that particular day. I was contemplating suicide. I was dead broke living in the streets or sometimes in homeless shelters. I had spent 10 years avoiding life by stating intoxicated on various drugs. I was completely separated from former friends and family this was my choice of course, due to my embarrassment of what I had become.

Religion has been a controversial subject for centuries. It has long been one of the top three conversations that people tend to avoid or simply consider taboo in polite social gatherings. I think the other top two are politics and race relations.

There are so many different denominations and definitions people believe in as a source for their higher power. They are almost innumerable. Each person believing that their higher power, or God is more powerful than anyone else’s. There is no wonder there are so many problems in the eastern countries. There are far too many people out there willing to persecute and even kill anyone who does not believe the way they do.

I live in the United States, where supposedly we have the freedom of choice of religion and religious practices. Where free speech is a privilege to the point where someone decides to not like what you’re saying and silence you.

When I read the newspaper and watched television news. I see all the disrespect, hatred. People have for one another when they choose a certain way to believe. Not only surrounding issues of who has the most powerful God. I see the people who look down on others because they have large bank accounts, belong to a certain religious group, or simply live in a fantasy world, they have created for themselves. Like a bubble that protects them from the rest of the world. I see the people who supposedly use their Christian mores and go to foreign countries to adopt the starving children to make themselves look like great humanitarians in the name of their god. Those same people who have more money in their bank account and five generations of their future family could ever spend have no regard for the people who are starving to death. Right under their feet in their own country.

I see the people who kill one another over love, money, property or power. I see the people who hate other people because of the color of their skin or their sexual practices or just for being alive. With all this chaos going on. I cannot help but wonder, is there really a God, This powerful being capable of controlling the universe, who supposedly loves us still allows all this to be going on under his or her supervision.

It is said that people who have achieved higher levels of education have a much greater difficulty of believing in spiritual things. I myself have read the Bible several times. There are many things in their are a good basis to adapt as a moral code to live by. But as for many of the miracles, the immaculate conception, and the returning from the dead to save us all. I’m not buying any of that. Certainly, this God can see this world is a path of self-destruction and has done nothing to intervene in over 2000 years.

In my personal experiences with Christianity. I have seen both good and bad sides of this concept. I have seen the true believers and the fakers were just going through the motions. At a time when I was living on the bad side of life, I had reached the point where I was contemplating suicide. I was moments away from completing my decision to jump off the Broadway Street Bridge down into the train yard when a Christian lady who happened to be the pastor of a new upstart Christian Church. Drove up in a van with her daughter and called to me to come with her.

She was relatively new to America from South Korea. She spoke with a broken in it that I could barely understand. She called me three times before I understood. She wanted me to come to her church. I was so involved in my plan of self-destruction. I was ignoring her. Apparently her spirit or God or what ever compelled her to be persistent. So she and her daughter got out of the van came over and begged me to reconsider what ever I was planning. I was homeless, stinking and dressed in rags, and this woman convinced me to come with her to her home.

These two women cleaned me up, gave me clean clothes to wear and asked me to become caretaker of their new upstart church. So I moved into the basement of the Church and got a close-up view of this version of Christianity. In retrospect I realize now, they had a different course of motivation for me in their project. At first they were performing many good works, feeding the homeless, distributing used clothing, and going to the streets for street evangelism. I had the opportunity to witness the inner circle of this church as I was not only the caretaker, but also became the pastor chauffeur and was privy to many of the inner workings of a church that common parishioners never see.

They continued with their good works for a while until they became associated with one of the largest churches in the area. I always wondered how they paid the mortgage and kept the lights on with the dismal contributions that they received from homeless people. Then slowly I realized that several of the Elders of this church were undercover millionaire’s and very quickly the church grew. They bought a huge complex, far out in a rural area, separate from the rest of the world and all of a sudden street evangelism stopped, feeding the homeless stopped. The church began catering primarily to people of means and large incomes. The main focus was on people who are elderly, and about to die so they could convince them to leave all their worldly goods to the church. The pastor became richer and richer and bought a million-dollar mansion in the suburbs.

All of a sudden I was just someone they could use as an example of someone who was saved from the streets and returned to the fold of God. At one time, I overheard some conversation between the pastor and her husband. They were laughing about the great success and wonderful lifestyle they had created for themselves. Using the word of God. What a great scam. I finally woke up and realized I was just a pawn in their great plan. I decided that if this great God allows you to use his name to gain great riches and fails to intervene. I want no part of your God, or your church.

There were a couple of other incidences that damaged my faith in God and in women, primarily because of the incident that occurred with the pastors good friend who I became romantically involved with and she failed to tell me that he was married, but I’ll leave that conversation for another article.

I was playing on the Internet the other day and watched a video about a woman who was complaining about an artist, who was auditioning women for his art subjects. She was disturbed that he was only looking for women of a certain height and weight and large breast size. I made a comment to her about how not all men think of women is just sex objects and enjoying women of all varieties. Granted, natural selection or attraction, usually involves others would like qualities. Generally beautiful women don’t associate with ugly man men unless he has a lot of money. Also usually men don’t necessarily choose obese women. My comment was about how I personally do not enjoy the accessories women are putting on today. By the time you get there all the fake breast, bleached hair, shaved pubic hair, tattoos and body piercings. You only find out she wasn’t that beautiful in the first place. I appreciate the female body in its natural state, with all the extra add-on garbage left off.

I am very new to the Internet and computers and and all this high-tech stuff in general. I really enjoy reading and writing blogs. I am learning how to create and upload them to different blog sites on the Internet. It is becoming an addiction, however. Much better than drugs or sex. I’m starting to enjoy it so much I’m thinking of writing an autobiography and possibly going on to write short novels or children’s stories. I have a lot of ideals in my head, but I never knew how to type very well with modern technology has come to my rescue speech recognition program’s have made it possible for me to convey my thoughts on paper without having to know how to type very well.

Modern technology is going to kill us all. But it’s better than scratching at the ground with sticks as the cavemen did. You now have the power to blow this earth up 10 times over, and computers in the form of communication will be at the forefront of the technology that leads us to our demise

I have decided to use this blog and go through all the pain it takes to write an autobiography. I just like many people I can’t remember ages one to five, but I will do my best to start at the beginning. I remember my parents showed me the house, where I was born when I was about four years old. It was a two story walk-up with the bricks painted yellow. When I saw it the house set in the middle of a junkyard with a lot of old car parts and used tires. My mother told me, none of that stuff was there when they live their. She said used to have a large front lawn with a huge vegetable garden. The house I remember living in was a red brick ranch house on a major street. I can only remember a couple of incidents that happened when we lived in that house. One was when my two sisters and I had been left alone in the basement and my eldest sister snuck us out and put me in a wagon, and we went to a local drug store, where she stole a candy bar and snuck us all back in the house. When my mother came home. I remember whining about not getting any of the candy that they had hidden on me at the drugstore. So essentially I had snitched them off. So when my mother found the candy bar. She made us return to the drugstore and apologized to the manager. The only incident that I can remember from that time was when my mother had left me in the car to walk half a block down the hill to pay my babysitter. like all five-year-olds the first thing I did was to jump behind the steering wheel. So I could pretend to drive. I managed to release the emergency brake in the car backed out of the driveway and proceeded to roll down the street towards the babysitters house. Luckily my mother was still quick on her feet at that time and was able to jump in the car and stop it. Barely a couple of feet from crashing into her house. It wasn’t long after that. My father had financial difficulties and we moved to a one-room shack in the country. He built two large rooms on that house with his own hands. We were poor, but we’ve never went hungry. When I think about it now. That was probably the happiest time in my life. The little shack sat on four acres of land, and we had an outhouse about 100 feet away. We also had an old-fashioned dugout to store food supplies, I was always afraid to go down there, because I thought they would be snakes. We had many chickens and pigs, and to mean watchdogs named Hercules and Reggie. My mother had a small vegetable garden, but we never planted any of the rest of the acres. We live on a farm for five years. I rode the bus to kindergarten, which was several miles away. Then went through grades one through four, at the new Cherry Creek school complex, which encompassed first grade through high school. Frankly, I wish we could’ve stayed there. I probably wouldn’t have a very different life. Just prior to graduation of the fourth grade. My father’s financial situation had improved so much father sold the farm and moved to the big city, which was an absolute culture shock for me.

This is just a note to the young people of this country don’t waste your time get yourself an education make trustworthy friends. Stay away from gangs and drugs and try to make a good contribution to the society that we live in. I am a living example of what not to do with your life. I was and who wanted to experience everything but many of my choices were very bad. You might say I experienced a full life because I have seen both sides of life good and evil. I have seen the evil let man can do to one another I have also seen the good people try to do for one another. I experimented with drugs and wasted years of my life chasing after a ghost. I finally woke up from that dismal existence but not before the damage to my body was already completed. If I had it all to do again I would completely separate myself from the so-called in crowd and maintained a higher respect for myself and my family. Be sure to keep your family is number one because they are the only ones who really care about you when times are bad . Most friends really aren’t friends they’re just acquaintances because when times turn bad is your family who come to your rescue.