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Thursday, August 4, 2011

Questions

I just finished four night shifts in a row. It was one of the most unpleasant stretches at work I have had there. It wasn't necessarily grueling work as much as emotionally draining. I had a patient who was dying and didn't want to be alone. At one point he asked me if I would simply sit with him because he was afraid to be alone.
I'm still unsure why it was so hard for me to do 4 in a row this week. Last week when I worked four in a row it was effortless. Perhaps I am getting too old for this night shift life. I can't seem to sleep enough or function as a person on my days off. After getting home from work yesterday I wanted to only sleep for four hours and then drive up to Ohio to see my parents. Instead, I fell asleep and didn't wake up until 7 pm. When I did wake up, I went out on the couch and fell back asleep. I only woke up later to drink water something, realizing I had gone all day without eating or drinking. The Boyfriend put me to bed around 10 and I almost slept through the night, but I awoke at 3 am and am now plagued with the ever familiar insomnia.

I apologize for not blogging as much as I would like. If it were up to me, I would write more and work less, but these times call for me to work more, so work I must. I have faith that one day I won't have to work so much overtime and be so tired all the time. In the meantime, I'll post as much as I can, when I can.

I was reading a fellow blogger's post about 50 questions and thought I'd reflect on some of them. These are thought provoking questions that have no right or wrong answers. I found them here and the questions are :

How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?

Which is worse, failing or never trying?

If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do?

When it’s all said and done, will you have said more than you’ve done?

What is the one thing you’d most like to change about the world?

If happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich?

Are you doing what you believe in, or are you settling for what you are doing?

If the average human life span was 40 years, how would you live your life differently?

To what degree have you actually controlled the course your life has taken?

Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things?

You’re having lunch with three people you respect and admire. They all start criticizing a close friend of yours, not knowing she is your friend. The criticism is distasteful and unjustified. What do you do?

If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be?

When is it time to stop calculating risk and rewards, and just go ahead and do what you know is right?

If we learn from our mistakes, why are we always so afraid to make a mistake?

What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you?

When was the last time you noticed the sound of your own breathing?

What do you love? Have any of your recent actions openly expressed this love?

In 5 years from now, will you remember what you did yesterday? What about the day before that? Or the day before that?

Decisions are being made right now. The question is: Are you making them for yourself, or are you letting others make them for you?

My favorite questions are 3, 11, and 24, so I will answer them now.

If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do? I think that we are taught from a young age that the ingredients of a successful life include certain things, and it's the never-ending attempt to achieve these things that make us unhappy. In order to live up to the expectations we put on ourselves, we become unhappy. We push ourselves to climb the ladder at work, meet someone (anyone) that we can marry, and then start a family. This inevitably leads to great suffering and misery because we're not doing what we really want to be doing, only what we have been told is the practical thing to do with our life. In essence, we are living our lives for some stereotype or image, not doing what we truly want to be doing, just what we think we should be doing.

You’re having lunch with three people you respect and admire. They all start criticizing a close friend of yours, not knowing she is your friend. The criticism is distasteful and unjustified. What do you do? This question immediately made me think of my Dad. One time many years ago my family was talking and someone brought up a person (I can't remember if it was a friend or other family member) and we started talking ill about them. My Dad said, "Well let's bring them in. Let's call them up and see what they have to say." Of course we were aghast at this idea and would never have called them up on the phone and let them know we were talking about them. He said, "If you can't call them up and talk to them about it, we probably shouldn't be talking about them. If they can't be here to defend themselves and give their side of the story, this conversation is one sided." Whenever I hear gossip or rumors now, I think of that situation. I know the question states " you are having lunch with three people you admire", but it makes me think of just two weeks ago at the lunch table at work when I was eating with co workers. Someone brought up a new employee at work and everyone chimed in with what they've heard about her and etc etc. Being opinionated and a great storyteller, the focus was quickly shifted to me and they eagerly asked me to tell what I know about the new employee and tell the stories I've heard. I simply said, "no." They gave quick, nervous glances to each other and waited for me to say I was kidding. I said, "If you want to call her in here and sit her down and ask her to tell her side of the story, we can do that. Otherwise, I won't sit by and listen to everyone talk bad about her. She deserves as much opportunity and respect as anyone else here does." Well that shut down the conversation. It may not have made me any friends that day, but hopefully it sent the message not to gossip in front of me.

Which is worse, when a good friend moves away, or losing touch with a good friend who lives right near you? For me, this is easy. I've moved states away from good friends and things have hardly changed. I still talk to them, visit them, and continue to make memories with them. On the other hand, I've lost a friend while still living in the same city as her. It was heartbreaking to lose a friend, and I cried more than I cried over a boy. It was as if someone had died, and it left a void in my heart that seemed impossible to fill. To make it worse, I continued to see her at college, work, and the gym.

4 comments:

when getting healthier and healthier, the body becomes more in tune with circadian rhythms, making your body more connected to nature and the sun-moon connection. i imagine that since you're so healthy, your body does not want to be awake during its primary melatonin-production and muscle-recharging time; overnight is a time for growth and repair and when sleeping during the day it's just not the same. I totally understand...i felt "old" at first when i couldn't pull all-nighters anymore. then i realized my body was trying to get in tune with the earth, and how much more important that is than staying up all night. great post!

Those night shifts sound grueling! Are you in nursing school? Almost every nurse I've ever met have been especially caring, comforting and wonderful. That man must have sensed that in you! I know it's tough, but it sounds like you're doing a fantastic job. :)

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*Disclaimer*

Everything in this blog is my opinion based on my own personal research and life experience. I do have a bachelors of science in nursing degree but am not a medical doctor.Information in this blog is for informational purposes only and shouldn't take precedence over medical advice.