WWE Raw Results 5/26/14

Here are your quick and dirty, editorial-free WWE Raw results for May 26, 2014. The show featured Damien Sandow as Davey Crockett and some other stuff happened. Here’s what you need to know.

Be back tomorrow for the Best and Worst of WWE Raw column.

WWE Raw results:

– The show began with The Authority attacking and firing Brad Maddox for allowing The Shield to be at ringside last week.

1. Cesaro defeated Rob Van Dam. Bad News Barrett was on color commentary and distracted Van Dam, allowing Cesaro to hit a German Suplex for the victory. After the match, Sheamus appeared and Brogue Kicked Cesaro.

2. Eva Marie defeated Summer Rae. Summer was distracted by Fandango and Layla dancing on the stage, so Eva Marie rolled her up for three.

3. El Torito defeated Drew McIntyre. Torito pulled McIntyre off the top rope, causing him to hit his face on the turnbuckle and collapse into helplessness. After the match, Hornswoggle and 3MB ripped off El Torito’s tail. It’ll be Torito vs. Hornswoggle in a mask vs. hair match in the kickoff of Payback.

– The Wyatt Family cut a promo on John Cena and beat up JBL. They tried to beat up Jerry Lawler, but John Cena made the save. The Usos eventually made the save for Cena and drove the Wyatts off.

4. Rusev defeated Zack Ryder. Rusev won by submission with The Accolade. Zack Ryder loved America, because Memorial Day. Big E made the save for Ryder.

5. Randy Orton and Batista defeated Cody Rhodes and Goldust. This became an elimination match at the order of The Authority. Orton pinned Cody, and Batista pinned Goldust following a Batista Bomb.

– The Shield signed a contract for Payback saying that if they lose to Evolution, they have to break up. Afterward, The Shield and Evolution brawled. Evolution triple powerbombed Roman Reigns through a table.

Shouldn’t Bryan just be all, “Go ahead and fire her. I’ve seen enough wrestling to know she’ll end up getting her job back within a month or two somehow.”
Also, too bad Cena Bella got the implants. They could have easily done a thing where Nikki just pretends she’s Brie and drives Stephanie nuts in the process.

A recent change of companies has resulted in me working Monday nights and missing RAWs, reading these results in format of explicit story progression have made me realize that most RAWs are actually pretty skippable.

(In contrast, reading NXT results make me want to watch NXT. Either something new is always being introduced or some match is happening that seems either technically great or important)