Pete Pheasant: How MPs might set us an example on healthy eating

THE Prime Minister wished to address MPs on a matter of grave importance.

"I believe it is our duty," he said, "to set a lead in the battle against cancer, heart disease and obesity. I therefore intend to bring before this House legislation requiring honourable members to eat seven portions of fruit and vegetables per day..." (Shouts of "shame!")

"...for it is pure hypocrisy for Parliament to implore the population to eat healthily if MPs themselves are not willing to set an example. I therefore propose sweeping changes in the members' restaurants. Out with belly pork and in with brassicas! Down with pies, in with peaches!" (Groans).

"Furthermore," the Prime Minister said, "each member shall be issued with a check-card so that his or her daily intake of fruit and veg can be monitored, and anyone falling below the required standard shall be temporarily suspended from this House." (Stunned silence, then much flapping of papers).

"...so long," the minister roared, "as they offset this by eating more than seven portions of fruit and veg. A bit like a golf handicap."

"I fear the minister would need to eat my allotment to get himself on par," boomed a veteran backbencher. (Laughter).

"I have done some preliminary calculations," the minister continued. "A sausage butty, for example, would require the consumption of a handful of cherry tomatoes, or equivalent. However, I propose a select committee to set a tariff of offences and reparations."

Comments

Interesting isn't it? One glance around the Commons chamber during a debate (PMQs is the best time, when the place is full for once) and count how many fat MPs there are. This is why they don't like talking about things like obesity.