2 year old cries and retreats... normal??

01-08-2011, 12:06 PM

My DD has always been a really happy, easy going baby. She rarely cried as an infant and has always been responded to in a positive and caring way. She was worn often, coslept until about 20 months when she decided she wanted to move into her "big girl bed" (although she is still welcome in our bed on nights she needs it), and was nursed until about 16/17 months, when again, she weaned herself. Now that she's two, however, she's begun crying a lot. She gets distraught over everything, it seems. She's very indecisive and will ask for something, but cry when you give it to her. To top it off, when she gets very upset, she says she wants to take a "nap" and goes and just lays in her bed with her binky (which she only uses in bed). Everyone says this is great, she's learning how to soothe herself and remove herself from a situation that makes her upset, but it makes me nervous. She does it MULTIPLE times a day. And she'll lay in her bed for anywhere from 5 minutes to an hour. I check in on her and let her know that i'm there. I also let her know that crying and being sad, mad, etc., is ok. Sometimes it's frustrating, hard, etc. to not get what you want or not be able to do what you want to do. Essentially, I do my best to validate her feelings and let her know that I am there for her. But, she just wants to lie in bed. Is this normal?? Is this good like everyone is telling me?? Most of my friends and family don't really know about or practice attachment parenting. I just don't know if there is something else I should be doing...

I think it's OK that she's crying a lot...I know it must be alarming to come on so suddenly, but she's doing a lot of growing and changing right now, and most strong emotions come out as tears. Lots of physical and emotional growth going on, as well as other big changes like weaning and moving to a big girl bed can lead to overwhelming feelings...I think the indecisiveness and seeming to be chronically upset is normal and will pass with time. I know it's hard on you, though! But still important to let her have those feelings and simply accept them...you're letting her know that you accept her for who she is, no matter how she feels.

Maybe when she's taking one of her breaks (which I agree, I think is great that she can do this!), give her some time alone for a bit, then check in and find a way to be with her. This might be just laying down next to her in her bed, not saying anything, but just staying there with her. Maybe you lay there with her and stroke her skin or hair, or touch her in some other soothing way that she likes. Or maybe you could pop in with a book, saying, "would you like to read this story with me?" and pull her into your lap for some one-on-one time. The goal is to find a way to reconnect physically or emotionally without dwelling on what happened that made her upset....just accept her feelings, connect, and move on.