Changing Care Homes

Registered User

Hello, this is my first post on her. My Mum has alzheimers and was taken to a care home last week based on a best interest decision made jointly between health and ss and myself. My Mum has no insight and even with home care in place was not eating, washing etc and has lost a significant amount of weight. I have been told that Mum won't be going back to her own home and that I should look round for a care home for her. The one where she is currently is classed as a respite bed and is almost 2 hours away from me. In addition there is quite a high third party top up that I will not be able to pay long term. I would like to move Mum close to me so that I can spend more time with me and I have been told by ss that this will have to be another best interests decision. I wondered if anyone else had moved a relative from one care home to another and how this can be done with the least possible disruption. Mum has significant memory problems and can get quite upset and agitated. I am really worried about driving her all that way to a new place and her being very upset. Any help or advice greatly appreciated.

Registered User

I'm in a similar situation to you. I'm trying to find a permanent care home for my Aunt. We live 45 minutes away and have been told by the nurse at her current home to keep her in the area she knows. The social worker phoned today and has said the opposite. We feel it's in her best interests to keep her in the area she knows as she will meet people from the same area in the home and they will talk about memories they have in the area. She still has a good mind on some things from further back, just no recent memory and the Alzheimer's is making her anxious/depressed.

Every situation is unique and for us there seems to be more reasons to keep her in the area she knows. In the space of only three months my Aunt's lost her husband and her flat so I'd feel guilty if we also moved her away from her area too.

It's really not an easy decision to make. My Aunt has always been very independently minded and likes to try and retain that feeling. Can understand why it would make sense for you to want to have your Mum closer to you. Hope that you make the right decision for you and your Mum. Suzx

Registered User

For my mum I had no doubt that being near to us was the best thing. Once she stopped being able to go out pretty much none of her friends came to see her, even her church seemed to pretty much abandon her, so I was fairly certain that if she had stayed in her local area that would not have changed. At least near us we knew she would get plenty of visits and could see her little great grandson.

Have to admit I didn't think much about her having shared memories of the local area which might help her to chat with other residents. However, there was no sign of this happening while she was in a two-week respite placement while we were sorting out the permanent care home near us. By coincidence there was one lady from mum's home town in the second care home, but when we tried to get them together with some old local photos mum was just not interested in talking to her.

The actual move went fairly smoothly. We booked a wheelchair accessible taxi as mum couldn't get in or out of an ordinary car. Cost about £60 I think for a trip of about 70 miles.

Registered User

Our two relatives were both moved quite a distance to care homes much nearer the people who would be visiting most. By the stage of dementia they were at, I really don't think it would have made much difference, if any, where they were, as long as the CH was suitable. But then they were both past the stage of being able to have any sort of social life locally, and my mother had for a long time been very reluctant to leave her house at all.

Of course a lot will depend on the individual and the stage they're at, but personally I would have thought that finding the right care home near the closest relatives was more important than keeping someone close to their home patch. How often is the nearest care home more or less on their old doorstep anyway?

Registered User

Have found a CH that I think will be just great for Mum. Respite is going okay and Mum is eating again which is such a relief. SS are being supportive about the move and I am feeling cautiously optimistic. Mum still thinks she is going to go home but that seems to be quite a common thing that the residents say. Thanks for your comments and support.

Registered User

JAC, I think having your mom closer to your home is really important. You will be able to visit more often. Having people she may know at the home did not make any difference to mom. She ignore them and couldn't remember them anyway.
Good luck and I hope everything works out for you...it helps that you r feeling optimistic
Carole

Registered User

I wondered if anyone else had moved a relative from one care home to another and how this can be done with the least possible disruption. Mum has significant memory problems and can get quite upset and agitated. I am really worried about driving her all that way to a new place and her being very upset. Any help or advice greatly appreciated.

I will be having to move my Mom from one Nursing Home to another in the coming months and it wont be easy. My method is going to be using deception in that I will use one her medical issues as an excuse that the new place is a kind of hospital that can better treat her. I normally take her by car but will book a wheelchair taxi instead and hope it adds to the illusion. She still thinks she is in her own home so I imagine it will all end in tears (mine).