- Last night you asked if I wanted to go CLIMBING tomorrow. Climbing is done on lead; top rope is for training and noobs. Today you were pissing your pants three feet above a ½” bolt on a 5.8. Grow some balls and get some mileage on lead. I am tired of always belaying you on TR. STOP FOLLOWING, START LEADING. It’s one thing to be scared 15 feet above the last bolt over 5.12 moves but to be top roping 5.11 and hanging 5.8 is pitiful. Next time get your shit together and get on lead. If you need more practice I will work with you but top roping is not going to do shit for you.

2. Show up all the time, show up on time.

- Today I was sitting in my car at high noon at the crag and I got a call from you, “umm I uhha lost my cell in my umma the uhha grass so I can’t umm climb today”. YOU’RE FIRED! Show up ON TIME ALL THE TIME. You have held down a job before right? Obviously you are capable of being at an assigned place at an assigned time; it’s not that damn hard. The next time you stand me up I am deleting you from my phone and I am telling everyone at the crag how much of a shit bag you are.

3. Stop short roping me!

- You think “oh shit he is climbing a hard line I better keep him tight because he might fall”. Instead you should be thinking “he is definitely going to fall because I am pulling him off the damn wall”. There is plenty of distance between me and the ground, give me some damn slack. The next time you pull me off the wall I am throwing a quickdraw at you.

4. Keep the appropriate amount of slack in the rope all the time.

- My foot didn’t pass the last bolt but I stopped 20 feet down. How the hell did that happen…? Belaying is not done with a loop of rope coiled on the ground between me and you. Wake the hell up, apart from a 15 foot dyno there is no way in hell I would ever need that much rope instantly. Two feet of slack in the line is appropriate. It’s not hard to keep only two feet out without short roping the climber. If a bit more is needed for a dynamic move, so be it, but if the rope touches the ground YOU’RE FIRED.

5. Provide a dynamic belay when appropriate.

- The next time I take a seven foot fall and I question whether I accidently grabbed the static rope out of the closet this morning, YOU’RE FIRED. Static catches rips gear and breaks ankles. I am 50 feet off the ground I am not going to hit the ground so JUMP! I am tired to saying “hey man please remember to jump the next time I fall so I don’t swing into the wall”. Learn how to fucking belay, dynamic belays are a crucial part of lead belaying and they are not hard to perform. If you don’t know how to do it ASK!

6. Stand up and pay attention!

- How the hell are you going to provide a static, dynamic or running belay if you’re sitting on your ass day dreaming about the 5.8 you’re going to hang on next? How are you going to react to a lead fall appropriate if you’re flirting with the dude five lines down? The next time I am ten feet above the last bolt and I look down and see you playing with a Gecko on the rock, YOU’RE FIRED.

7. When you climb with me you climb with ME.

- Last night you asked if I wanted to go climbing tomorrow. Today you show up with a different partner. “Oh, sorry I figured you already had a partner”. Why the hell would I call you and ask if you want to go climbing tomorrow if I had no intention of climbing with you?! If I meant in a group, don’t you think I would have specified? Group climbing is cool but not when you’re the only one in the group without a partner because your partner blew you off for someone else... If you want to climb in a group SPECIFY so I can call someone else to bring so it’s actually a group.

8. Shut up beta master.

- If I want to hear someone spray beta about a route eight grades above their top rope limit I will go to the gym. Your useless “just dyno for it” beta is fucking with my concentration. Actually, why don’t you try this 5.13. You seem to know everything about it, I would like to see you onsight it. Just don’t cry when you find out you don’t know a thing about it. If I ask for beta, by all means. But when you see someone on a route they have wired going for the redpoint STFU!

9. Stop with the negative attitude.

- “Oh, I suck; I will never be able to lead 5.12”. Yes you do suck; no you won’t ever be able to lead 5.12. Know why? Because instead of actually working on your goal you just spray your self-remorse pitiful attitude around. It’s fucking depressing man. Actually put some real time and effort into your goal and you will get it.

10. The crag is not a petting zoo.

- I am tired of looking down to find a dog coiled up in my rope. Keep your damn pets at home if they can’t behave themselves. Your little friend is endangering my life because it’s trying to fuck my belayer’s leg. Oh and the next time I have to replace my rope because you’re dog pissed on it, I am taking yours…

11. Keep your hand on the damn rope!

- I don’t give a shit if you’re using a GriGri or not, your hand will be on the rope at all times. A GriGri can slip, it’s not unheard of. The next time I am ten feet above the last bolt and look down to find your hands on your head, YOU’RE FIRED!

12. This is not a talk show, this is climbing.

- I came here to climb, not to hear your life story. Some talking in-between climbs is cool but when I am pulling the crux I don’t want about how much you hate your job. Save that shit for the pizza parlor at the end of the day. Actually save it for someone else.

From a sport climbers perspective...The 12 Days of Christmas of a sport climber.

1. Climbing is done on lead.

- Last night you asked if I wanted to go CLIMBING tomorrow. Climbing is done on lead; top rope is for training and noobs. Today you were pissing your pants three feet above a ½” bolt on a 5.8. Grow some balls and get some mileage on lead. I am tired of always belaying you on TR. STOP FOLLOWING, START LEADING. It’s one thing to be scared 15 feet above the last bolt over 5.12 moves but to be top roping 5.11 and hanging 5.8 is pitiful. Next time get your shit together and get on lead. If you need more practice I will work with you but top roping is not going to do shit for you.

2. Show up all the time, show up on time.

- Today I was sitting in my car at high noon at the crag and I got a call from you, “umm I uhha lost my cell in my umma the uhha grass so I can’t umm climb today”. YOU’RE FIRED! Show up ON TIME ALL THE TIME. You have held down a job before right? Obviously you are capable of being at an assigned place at an assigned time; it’s not that damm hard. The next time you stand me up I am deleting you from my phone and I am telling everyone at the crag how much of a shit bag you are.

3. Stop short roping me!

- You think “oh shit he is climbing a hard line I better keep him tight because he might fall”. Instead you should be thinking “he is definitely going to fall because I am pulling him off the damm wall”. There is plenty of distance between me and the ground, give me some damm slack. The next time you pull me off the wall I am throwing a quickdraw at you.

4. Keep the appropriate amount of slack in the rope all the time.

- My foot didn’t pass the last bolt but I stopped 20 feet down. How the hell did that happen…? Belaying is not done with a loop of rope coiled on the ground between me and you. Wake the hell up, apart from a 15 foot dyno there is no way in hell I would ever need that much rope instantly. Two feet of slack in the line is appropriate. It’s not hard to keep only two feet out without short roping the climber. If a bit more is needed for a dynamic move, so be it, but if the rope touches the ground YOU’RE FIRED.

5. Provide a dynamic belay when appropriate.

- The next time I take a seven foot fall and I question whether I accidently grabbed the static rope out of the closet this morning, YOU’RE FIRED. Static catches rips gear and breaks ankles. I am 50 feet off the ground I am not going to hit the ground so JUMP! I am tired to saying “hey man please remember to jump the next time I fall so I don’t swing into the wall”. Learn how to fucking belay, dynamic belays are a crucial part of lead belaying and they are not hard to perform. If you don’t know how to do it ASK!

6. Stand up and pay attention!

- How the hell are you going to provide a static, dynamic or running belay if you’re sitting on your ass day dreaming about the 5.8 you’re going to hang on next? How are you going to react to a lead fall appropriate if you’re flirting with the dude five lines down? The next time I am ten feet above the last bolt and I look down and see you playing with a Gecko on the rock, YOU’RE FIRED.

7. When you climb with me you climb with ME.

- Last night you asked if I wanted to go climbing tomorrow. Today you show up with a different partner. “Oh, sorry I figured you already had a partner”. Why the hell would I call you and ask if you want to go climbing tomorrow if I had no intention of climbing with you?! If I meant in a group, don’t you think I would have specified? Group climbing is cool but not when you’re the only one in the group without a partner because your partner blew you off for someone else... If you want to climb in a group SPECIFY so I can call someone else to bring so it’s actually a group.

8. Shut up beta master.

- If I want to hear someone spray beta about a route eight grades above their top rope limit I will go to the gym. Your useless “just dyno for it” beta is fucking with my concentration. Actually, why don’t you try this 5.13. You seem to know everything about it, I would like to see you onsight it. Just don’t cry when you find out you don’t know a thing about it. If I ask for beta, by all means. But when you see someone on a route they have wired going for the redpoint STFU!

9. Stop with the negative attitude.

- “Oh, I suck; I will never be able to lead 5.12”. Yes you do suck; no you won’t ever be able to lead 5.12. Know why? Because instead of actually working on your goal you just spray your self-remorse pitiful attitude around. It’s fucking depressing man. Actually put some real time and effort into your goal and you will get it.

10. The crag is not a petting zoo.

- I am tired of looking down to find a dog coiled up in my rope. Keep your damm pets at home if they can’t behave themselves. Your little friend is endangering my life because it’s trying to fuck my belayer’s leg. Oh and the next time I have to replace my rope because you’re dog pissed on it, I am taking yours…

11. Keep your hand on the damm rope!

- I don’t give a shit if you’re using a GriGri or not, your hand will be on the rope at all times. A GriGri can slip, it’s not unheard of. The next time I am ten feet above the last bolt and look down to find your hands on your head, YOU’RE FIRED!

12. This is not a talk show, this is climbing.

- I came here to climb, not to hear your life story. Some talking in-between climbs is cool but when I am pulling the crux I don’t want about how much you hate your job. Save that shit for the pizza parlor at the end of the day. Actually save it for someone else.

HAHA your partner lets dogs bang his leg. He also pets the Geckos as the dog piises on your rope. Maybe you suck as a partner, Maybe you suck as a person and thats the only partner you can find. Maybe you need free solo lessons from Petie

- Last night you asked if I wanted to go CLIMBING tomorrow. Climbing is done on lead; top rope is for training and noobs. Today you were pissing your pants three feet above a ½” bolt on a 5.8. Grow some balls and get some mileage on lead. I am tired of always belaying you on TR. STOP FOLLOWING, START LEADING. It’s one thing to be scared 15 feet above the last bolt over 5.12 moves but to be top roping 5.11 and hanging 5.8 is pitiful. Next time get your shit together and get on lead. If you need more practice I will work with you but top roping is not going to do shit for you.

I don't understand why it is ok for you to be scared on a 5.12, but it is shameful for someone new to leading to be scared on a 5.8. Get over yourself.

Its a good thing you are on an isolated island. I don't know if I could put up with you either. Did you ever consider the reason you cant find a partner is because no one can reach you standing on that skyscaper of a pedestal you've put yourself on? Now STFU, troll.

- Last night you asked if I wanted to go CLIMBING tomorrow. Climbing is done on lead; top rope is for training and noobs. Today you were pissing your pants three feet above a ½” bolt on a 5.8. Grow some balls and get some mileage on lead. I am tired of always belaying you on TR. STOP FOLLOWING, START LEADING. It’s one thing to be scared 15 feet above the last bolt over 5.12 moves but to be top roping 5.11 and hanging 5.8 is pitiful. Next time get your shit together and get on lead. If you need more practice I will work with you but top roping is not going to do shit for you.

2. Show up all the time, show up on time.

- Today I was sitting in my car at high noon at the crag and I got a call from you, “umm I uhha lost my cell in my umma the uhha grass so I can’t umm climb today”. YOU’RE FIRED! Show up ON TIME ALL THE TIME. You have held down a job before right? Obviously you are capable of being at an assigned place at an assigned time; it’s not that damn hard. The next time you stand me up I am deleting you from my phone and I am telling everyone at the crag how much of a shit bag you are.

3. Stop short roping me!

- You think “oh shit he is climbing a hard line I better keep him tight because he might fall”. Instead you should be thinking “he is definitely going to fall because I am pulling him off the damn wall”. There is plenty of distance between me and the ground, give me some damn slack. The next time you pull me off the wall I am throwing a quickdraw at you.

4. Keep the appropriate amount of slack in the rope all the time.

- My foot didn’t pass the last bolt but I stopped 20 feet down. How the hell did that happen…? Belaying is not done with a loop of rope coiled on the ground between me and you. Wake the hell up, apart from a 15 foot dyno there is no way in hell I would ever need that much rope instantly. Two feet of slack in the line is appropriate. It’s not hard to keep only two feet out without short roping the climber. If a bit more is needed for a dynamic move, so be it, but if the rope touches the ground YOU’RE FIRED.

5. Provide a dynamic belay when appropriate.

- The next time I take a seven foot fall and I question whether I accidently grabbed the static rope out of the closet this morning, YOU’RE FIRED. Static catches rips gear and breaks ankles. I am 50 feet off the ground I am not going to hit the ground so JUMP! I am tired to saying “hey man please remember to jump the next time I fall so I don’t swing into the wall”. Learn how to fucking belay, dynamic belays are a crucial part of lead belaying and they are not hard to perform. If you don’t know how to do it ASK!

6. Stand up and pay attention!

- How the hell are you going to provide a static, dynamic or running belay if you’re sitting on your ass day dreaming about the 5.8 you’re going to hang on next? How are you going to react to a lead fall appropriate if you’re flirting with the dude five lines down? The next time I am ten feet above the last bolt and I look down and see you playing with a Gecko on the rock, YOU’RE FIRED.

7. When you climb with me you climb with ME.

- Last night you asked if I wanted to go climbing tomorrow. Today you show up with a different partner. “Oh, sorry I figured you already had a partner”. Why the hell would I call you and ask if you want to go climbing tomorrow if I had no intention of climbing with you?! If I meant in a group, don’t you think I would have specified? Group climbing is cool but not when you’re the only one in the group without a partner because your partner blew you off for someone else... If you want to climb in a group SPECIFY so I can call someone else to bring so it’s actually a group.

8. Shut up beta master.

- If I want to hear someone spray beta about a route eight grades above their top rope limit I will go to the gym. Your useless “just dyno for it” beta is fucking with my concentration. Actually, why don’t you try this 5.13. You seem to know everything about it, I would like to see you onsight it. Just don’t cry when you find out you don’t know a thing about it. If I ask for beta, by all means. But when you see someone on a route they have wired going for the redpoint STFU!

9. Stop with the negative attitude.

- “Oh, I suck; I will never be able to lead 5.12”. Yes you do suck; no you won’t ever be able to lead 5.12. Know why? Because instead of actually working on your goal you just spray your self-remorse pitiful attitude around. It’s fucking depressing man. Actually put some real time and effort into your goal and you will get it.

10. The crag is not a petting zoo.

- I am tired of looking down to find a dog coiled up in my rope. Keep your damn pets at home if they can’t behave themselves. Your little friend is endangering my life because it’s trying to fuck my belayer’s leg. Oh and the next time I have to replace my rope because you’re dog pissed on it, I am taking yours…

11. Keep your hand on the damn rope!

- I don’t give a shit if you’re using a GriGri or not, your hand will be on the rope at all times. A GriGri can slip, it’s not unheard of. The next time I am ten feet above the last bolt and look down to find your hands on your head, YOU’RE FIRED!

12. This is not a talk show, this is climbing.

- I came here to climb, not to hear your life story. Some talking in-between climbs is cool but when I am pulling the crux I don’t want about how much you hate your job. Save that shit for the pizza parlor at the end of the day. Actually save it for someone else.

that's what you get for climbing with a sub-man.

i do, howevr, find the dingus-style chatting with the ladies a bit disconcerting when i'm @ the crux.

All of your 12 rules require a reasonable standard of performance, and you've explained them, so it's pretty easy to see whether your partner can conform, or not.

I can see how a military person would judge this list as cool. And it's good -- we need people like you, in our civilization, for positive strength and integrity.

But what bothers me is that ALL your rules are performance-based. Where is the people value? Where is the personal value? Where is the fun?

So we should all recognize how "different strokes for different strokes" is a type of rule that supersedes your list. That is, every climber has his own play style, and his own leadership style.

I wouldn't hesitate to meet you on the rocks, But those rules automatically bar me (and a lot of my friends) so I'd only say "Hi!" and then wave "Bye" as you disappear up the crag.

But to focus on performance? Not for me. There's too much fun in my life is for that!

So, USnavy, here's how to fix your list: 1. Focus on values, especially the values that you get from this sport. 2. Think of ways to build those values. 3. Let your friends know how to help you get it.

There's no value to gain by judging your friends. You can weed out a lot of riff-raff, but you still can't make anybody conform to standard. Allow folks to do what they do, and figure out how to take advantage of what they offer you. And they will!

i do, howevr, find the dingus-style chatting with the ladies a bit disconcerting when i'm @ the crux.

Consider my record bro... in 35+ years of active climbing I have

1. Never dropped anyone 2. Always caught the lead falls. 3. Never caused a leader to break an ankle 4. Most always get the phone number.

Now if and when you can match that record, let's talk! If you're climbing with me we aren't going to be on anything that will challenge you anyway... you could free solo these lines dude. And if she's a hot red head you just may BE.

i do, howevr, find the dingus-style chatting with the ladies a bit disconcerting when i'm @ the crux.

Consider my record bro... in 35+ years of active climbing I have

1. Never dropped anyone 2. Always caught the lead falls. 3. Never caused a leader to break an ankle 4. Most always get the phone number.

Now if and when you can match that record, let's talk! If you're climbing with me we aren't going to be on anything that will challenge you anyway... you could free solo these lines dude. And if she's a hot red head you just may BE.

DMT

well, it seems your record is pretty impressive.....do you use the non-climbing-related-conversation technique?

i once went 25 ft. on a slab. i slipped while my "pard." was watching the tight spandex next door. I also "solo'ed" tiptoe in josh, while my "belayer" was doing a climbing survey for the park service with this hot coed from CSU.

i do, howevr, find the dingus-style chatting with the ladies a bit disconcerting when i'm @ the crux.

Consider my record bro... in 35+ years of active climbing I have

1. Never dropped anyone 2. Always caught the lead falls. 3. Never caused a leader to break an ankle 4. Most always get the phone number.

Now if and when you can match that record, let's talk! If you're climbing with me we aren't going to be on anything that will challenge you anyway... you could free solo these lines dude. And if she's a hot red head you just may BE.

DMT

well, it seems your record is pretty impressive.....do you use the non-climbing-related-conversation technique?

i once went 25 ft. on a slab. i slipped while my "pard." was watching the tight spandex next door. I also "solo'ed" tiptoe in josh, while my "belayer" was doing a climbing survey for the park service with this hot coed from CSU.

Perils of the trade, dude. Perils of the trade.

Hey belayer? Go ahead and skeez on the ladies; I'll let you know when I need you.