Professional badass Martha Stewart spawned the modern “lifestyle brand” trend. Without her, chances are good Gwyneth Paltrow would’ve never founded Goop, thus depriving us of some utterly golden reading material — so all hail Mother Martha!

But what does she think of her occasionally British pretender?

Asked by TMZ if she’s a better “lifestyle coach” than Paltrow, Martha gave a derisive snort and replied, “Lifestyle coach? Oh, for heaven’s sake. You have to live to be a coach.”

Here’s a reenactment of my reaction, in four acts with no intermission.

The Princess of Pretension has yet to respond to Martha’s barb, and if she’s smart, she won’t. She may be powerful enough to get her friends to boycott Vanity Fair (well, some of them, anyway), but Stewart did time in the joint — so you just know she wouldn’t hesitate to hand-craft a festive shank, cuttabitch, and use the blood as stencil paint.