How would Jesus assess the way you speak to your spouse? (Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash)

Think back as to what words your soul was marinated in as a developing person. You and your spouse's souls were marinated in words regularly and daily by your parents.

Depending on if the primary ingredient of the sauce was criticism, silence or praise, you may have come into the marriage marinated in this certain flavor. As a child or adolescent, you didn't get to pick the sauce you were marinated in. The choice of the sauce belonged 100% to your parents.

As believers, we get the option to marinate ourselves in another sauce. We can marinate in the Word and presence of God. That's really good sauce and can be the ingredient that transforms our lives and marriage. Now let's look at the sauces you may have been previously marinated in as a little person.

Most of us, when we became parents, made the decision to do things differently—in some cases, way differently—regardless of the sauce we grew up in. I have heard countless parents tell me they decided these children of theirs were going to be raised differently, and they were going to be loved every day. They chose to either praise and connect to their children, spend quality time, buy them gifts or carry out countless other reversals from the parenting they received growing up.

As Christians, we also get to choose to be marinated in the presence, the person and the Word of God. We can decide to marinate in His love for us and allow His voice, His truth and His nurturing of us into all the pores of our soul and be changed by His person in our life. This is a major decision as Christians—we can choose to be impacted by God who loves us, regardless of what sauce our parents gave to us.

A decision I have rarely seen in my office is what kind of primary voice or sauce you are going to be toward your spouse. We are cognizant of deciding to be better parents, but what about the sauce you are providing to your spouse?

Think about this for a moment. Your spouse was with their family from birth to 18 or so years. You marry them in their 20s and if you stay married for life, your marriage could span 50 to 70 years. Your sauce, whether it is criticism, silence or praise, is the dominant sauce your spouse experiences throughout their life.

Related Articles

Remember: As a child, they had no choice in the sauce. They also have no choice as to what sauce you provide. They are blessed or cursed on a regular basis by the sauce you provide to them. They can't choose the ingredients you feed them, whether you choose your flesh, the devil or the Spirit of God; they simply have to experience your choice of sauce toward them.

Think for a moment about how every word you speak toward your spouse will be evaluated, if that were to be the case. Which scale would weigh the heaviest in your word assessment toward your spouse? Would you weigh heaviest on criticism, focusing on the negative; or silence, leaving them feeling tolerated or managed? Or would you weigh heaviest in praise of them on a regular basis?

Stop and really think what Jesus would say about your sauce toward your spouse. One day He will assess you on this issue, but what would He say today? Take a moment and really think this out. As Christians, we won't have the excuse of our parents because we could have chosen to give God authority over our hearts and lives.

As you consider this, I want you to remember God has given you the responsibility of being the primary voice in your spouse's life. This is as great a responsibility as being a parent. Intentionally marinate your spouse for their betterment.

Your Turn

Please be considerate and respectful of your fellow posters. If Jesus and your mother would not approve of your writing, you should revise your comment before submitting.

Use standard writing style and punctuation. Complete sentences and proper grammar will help others understand you.

Do not use profanity, obscenities, abusive language or otherwise objectionable content (as determined by Charisma Media moderators, in their sole discretion). Comments should not harass, abuse or threaten another's personal safety or property, make false statements, defame or impersonate someone else.

Do not question others' faith just because you disagree with them. It adds nothing to the discussion and only causes strife.

Do not question why someone comes to this website just because they disagree with you or the content of the article.

Do not post personal information including phone numbers, email or mailing addresses, or credit card information belonging to you or others.

Do not include copyrighted content or other intellectual property that you do not own or have the explicit rights or lisenses to distribute.

Do not post, directly or through links, viruses, misleading, malicious or off-topic content.

Do not use our comments section to advertise your website(s). This includes fequently linking to your site at the end your comments.

We reserve the right to deny commenting privileges of anyone for any period of time for any reason.

Please consider the following statements pertaining to comments posted by you and other visitors to our website:

Appearance of comments, advertisements or hyperlinks made by other commenters on this site do not necessarily indicate or constitute acceptance of or endorsement of the products, companies, corporations, ministries, organizations or agencies in whole or in part by staff members and/or the members of the editorial board of Charisma Media.

Comments are not pre-screened before they post. Charisma Media reserves the right to modify or remove any comment that does not comply with the above guidelines and to deny access of your Disqus account to make additional comments to the website without any notice. If you have been denied access to comment due to a violation of these terms please do not create multiple accounts in an attempt to circumvent the system. The correct course of action is to request a review of your account status by contacting webmaster@charismamedia.com.

Charisma Media is not responsible or liable in any way for comments posted by its users.

If you believe a comment is in violation of the above guidelines, U.S. law or International treaties, or is legitimate "trolling" please flag the post or contact webmaster@charismamedia.com. Include a link to the comment, along with a statement explaining what you believe the violation is and any evidence backing your claim. Charisma Media moderators will consider your request and decide on the most appropriate action.