Four engineers are travelling by car when, without warning, it breaks down.The mechanical engineer suggests that an engine component has suffered a structural failure.The chemical engineer states that a constituent of the fuel has caused the breakdown.The electrical engineer believes that an electrical component has ceased to function.The software engineer suggests: 'Why don't we all get out and then get back in again?'

Four engineers are travelling by car when, without warning, it breaks down.The mechanical engineer suggests that an engine component has suffered a structural failure.The chemical engineer states that a constituent of the fuel has caused the breakdown.The electrical engineer believes that an electrical component has ceased to function.The software engineer suggests: 'Why don't we all get out and then get back in again?'

Four engineers are travelling by car when, without warning, it breaks down.The mechanical engineer suggests that an engine component has suffered a structural failure.The chemical engineer states that a constituent of the fuel has caused the breakdown.The electrical engineer believes that an electrical component has ceased to function.The software engineer suggests: 'Why don't we all get out and then get back in again?'

As a chemical engineer I'd say it's more likely that the chemical composition in the tyres changed, causing a sudden drop in performance, often referred to as 'the cliff'.

Four engineers are travelling by car when, without warning, it breaks down.The mechanical engineer suggests that an engine component has suffered a structural failure.The chemical engineer states that a constituent of the fuel has caused the breakdown.The electrical engineer believes that an electrical component has ceased to function.The software engineer suggests: 'Why don't we all get out and then get back in again?'

As a chemical engineer I'd say it's more likely that the chemical composition in the tyres changed, causing a sudden drop in performance, often referred to as 'the cliff'.

As an independent passenger who can see the fuel gauge, I know different

A market researcher for Vaseline was in a chemist, where a woman had a large jar of it in her basket. The researcher asks if she minds answering some questions on her use of it and her satisfaction of the product, to which she agreed.

The man asked what sort of thing she used it for, to which she replied with several things like skin graze or cuts on the children, we have 6 children so it gets used well. Right says the man thank you, what would you say was your most unusual use of the product?

Oh, let me see, says the woman. Ah, we use it to have sex some times.

Right says the man, thank you very much for your honesty, but thats not the sort of thing I am looking for, many people do that. Yes, maybe, says the woman, but we have 6 kids, so we use it on the doorknob, its the only way we can keep them out of the bedroom.

Man goes into a piano bar, and is stunned to hear the pianist is playing the most beautiful song he’s ever heard, so he goes up and asks the pianist what the song is called.

The pianist replies, “It’s one of my own compositions, it’s called please my darling give me a blow job tonight”.

Slightly embarrassed the man sits down. Five minutes later the pianist starts to play an even more amazing song, so he goes up to the pianist to compliment him and ask the name of the song, to which the pianist replies; “that‘s another of my own compositions, it’s called If I only could, I’d lick my own balls”.

Anyway, a bit later the pianist takes a break to nip to the toilet and when he comes back it’s obvious he hasn't done himself up properly and his tackle is showing, the barman shouts over, “Oy do you known your cock and balls are hanging out”?

Man goes into a piano bar, and is stunned to hear the pianist is playing the most beautiful song he’s ever heard, so he goes up and asks the pianist what the song is called.

The pianist replies, “It’s one of my own compositions, it’s called please my darling give me a blow job tonight”.

Slightly embarrassed the man sits down. Five minutes later the pianist starts to play an even more amazing song, so he goes up to the pianist to compliment him and ask the name of the song, to which the pianist replies; “that‘s another of my own compositions, it’s called If I only could, I’d lick my own balls”.

Anyway, a bit later the pianist takes a break to nip to the toilet and when he comes back it’s obvious he hasn't done himself up properly and his tackle is showing, the barman shouts over, “Oy do you known your cock and balls are hanging out”?

To which the piano player replies “Know it? I fu#king wrote it!”

_________________"No, there is no terrible way to win. There is only winning."Jean-Pierre Sarti

Two guys were holidaying in Mexico. They love the place so much they want to live there and the first guy has a brainwave after visiting a canyon there. "Why don't we start a bungee-jumping business?"

The second guy thinks this is a great idea, so the two pool their money and buy everything they'll need - a tower, an elastic cord, insurance, etc.

The first guy volunteers to be the Guinea pig to test it out.

The first guy jumps. He bounces at the end of the cord, but when he comes back up, the second guy notices that he has a few cuts and scratches. Unfortunately, the second guy isn't able catch him, he falls again, bounces and comes back up again.

This time, he is bruised and bleeding. Again, the second guy misses him. The first guy falls again and bounces back up. This time, he comes back pretty messed up - he's got a couple of broken bones and is almost unconscious.

Luckily, the second guy finally catches him this time and says, "What happened?"

- Your resume is fantastic- Thank you- One last thing; tell me what you think is your biggest flaw, how would you improve it?- I think my biggest flaw is my honesty- Honesty? I don't think that is a flaw really- I don't give a fl**ng fudge of what you think you id*ot- I see...

A guy is out on a snowmobile when it starts producing clouds of smoke, so he calls in the workshop on the way home.

The mechanic is outside as he arrives and sees the problem. The Rider parks and takes off his gloves and goggles and the workshop owner says Ah looks like you have blown a seal. Come in the office and warm.

As a guitarist, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper’s cemetery in the backcountry side of Kentucky near Cincinnati where I live. As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost.

I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch.

I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late. I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. I didn’t know what else to do, so I started to play.

The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like I’ve never played before for this homeless man.

And as I played ‘Amazing Grace,’ the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together. When I finished I packed up my guitar and started for my car. Though my head hung low, my heart was full.

As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, “I never seen nothin’ like that before and I’ve been putting in septic tanks for twenty years.”

Looking down at the grave again I realized, apparently, I’m still lost…