App shows phone call content gets ever more banal as day goes on

Data recently compiled by Apple's iPhone app, Eve’sDropper, shows that people all over the world start their day with high-powered, meaningful conversations and then progressively descend into idiotic mumblings.

Once the sun has set (as measured by the Wottimeduzitgodark app) and alcohol consumption rises (as measured by the Unitcount and Howpissedami apps), we're all just opening our mouths and letting the contents of our brain fall out, according to Apple's intelligence gathering specialist David Breisling.

"Late morning conversations tend to be about arranging meetings or dealing with other important transactions, but by the evening quality drops away quite rapidly to simple statements about being on the local form of transport. Very early morning conversations tend to be the worst, composed mainly of unintelligible slurrings to complete strangers whose number you have inadvertently dialled with your left bum cheek.”

Apple is using the data to help drive the direction of new app development, such as one which would measure the inanity quotient of any conversation and automatically terminate the connection if it gets too low.

Briesling was excited by the conclusions drawn from the data so far. “There is a lot more analysis to be done, but already we have shown conclusively from our world-wide study that international boundaries are absolutely no barrier to stupidity.”