Gordo Gets Funny

OK, Gordo offered a £75 tab at Tom's Chophouse for the best joke last week. Want to know what it was? Click here!

OK, Gordo offered a £75 tab at Tom's Chophouse for the best joke last week. Want to know what it was? Click here!

Man goes to a zoo

zoo only has 1 dog

It's a shitzu

Chris Bray, Astra Zeneca

Chris, email Jayne@2mmedia.com with your telephone number and she will do the honours. Best of the rest:

A man comes home late one evening and walks straight into the bedroom holding a sheep under his arm.

He sea's his wife lying in bed reading a book and says "See darling this is the pig I have to put up with every night"

His wife looks up and says "Don't be stupid that's a sheep your holding"

To which the husband replies "Who said I was talking to you"

Nicholas Reese

The devout cowboy lost his favourite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range.

Three weeks later, a cow walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth.The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes. He took the precious book out of the cow's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, "It's a miracle!"

"Not really," said the cow. "Your name is written inside the cover."

Gavin Poulter

A guy gets on a plane and finds himself seated next to a cute blonde. He immediately turns to her and makes his move.

"You know," he says, "I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger. So let's talk."

The blonde, who had just opened her book, closes it slowly and asks the guy, "What would you like to discuss?"

"OK," says the blonde. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff-----grass. Yet the deer excretes little pellets, the cow turns out a flat patty, and the horse produces muffins of dried poop. Why do you suppose that is?"

The guy is dumbfounded. Finally he replies, "I haven't the slightest idea."

"So tell me," says the blonde, "How is it that you feel qualified todiscuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?"

Nadine Watson, X-Leisure, close second this one!

A father goes hunting one day and shoots a deer. He takes the deer home and cooks it for his wife and two kids. As they sit down to eat he tells the kids to guess what it is. "I'll give you a clue," he says, "It's what mummy calls daddy sometimes." The little daughter shouts, "Urrgh don't eat it it's a f*cking ar$ehole!"

Max Edwards, aka Leggs Diamond

An ugly woman walks into a shop with her two kids. The shopkeeper asks "Are they twins"?

The woman says "No, he's 9 and she's 7. Why? Do you think they look alike?"

"No", he replies "I just can't believe you got shagged twice"

Tim Gough (our Editor!)

Egg and bacon in a frying pan The egg says 'fk, its hot in here' Bacon says, 'fk me, a talking egg' !!!

That was Jayne Gill's first effort. Gordo told her it was pants, here's her second;

Two Eskimo's in a kayak and they're freezingSo they decide to make a fire in the kayak and of course it sinks..... Just goes to show - you cant have your kayak and heat it !

Jayne, Gordo is calling the police…

A married couple are driving along when they see a wounded skunk on The side of the road. They stop, the wife gets out, picks it up, and brings it into the car. She says, "Look, it's shivering, it must be cold. What should I do?" Her husband replies, "Put it between your legs to keep it warm." She asks, "What about the smell?" He says, "Hold its nose."

Louise Town

Ok Guys and Girls, lets go again. Another £75 restaurant tab is on at Mr. Thomas's Chop House, so email your entries to Gordo@ManchesterConfidential.com , entries in by Wednesday the 22nd February

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