Rory Bremner's impressions of Provence

The comedian Rory Bremner had mixed experiences during a recent trip to the
South of France - ranging from a near disastrous stay in an upmarket version
of Fawlty Towers to two blissful days of peace and panoramic splendour
within sipping distance of the Côte d’Azur
.

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Rory Bremner's rule of travel stipulates that you should stay one night for each hour of flyingPhoto: Rex Features

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'I fancied venturing deeper into Provence, nearer to the sunflower and lavender fields of the Luberon'Photo: Photolibrary.com

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The Couvent des Minimes seemed idyllic - at first

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Le Mas Candille in Mougins, Provence, proved a happier location for the Bremners

10:17AM BST 23 Sep 2011

France, I’ve always thought, has it all: the Mediterranean, the Alps, the rich variety of its regions, the climate, the food, the wine, the cheese, the bikes, the Lycra – and that’s before you add the wonders of Paris and the wealth of French culture, from art and literature to fashion, film and theatre.

Then there’s the French. Ah, yes. The French: that infuriating, beguiling and complex mixture of stylish and sophisticated, stubborn and chauvinistic, generous and reserved, free-spirited and petty-minded – the latter epitomised by the airport shop-assistant who refused to accept my donation to the shop’s famine charity because the till wasn’t open. “C’est comme ça,” they say, with a Gallic shrug of the shoulders.

On a short (all-too-short) summer break in Provence, I’m pleased to report that all the characteristics that make up this addictive and capricious country were on display in glorious abundance. Plus ça change, plus c’est la même chose.

Getting there is easy by air from most of Britain’s national or regional airports (in our case easyJet from Edinburgh). In busy periods, it’s as well to fork out for as many extras as you can to make travelling a little easier, from meet-and-greet chauffeur parking to fast-track airport options. (I once nearly shared a cab back from an event with easyJet’s founder, Stelios Haji-Ioannou, but balked, in case he ushered me in first and charged me for speedy boarding.)

Bear in mind that, if your airline recommends a car hire firm, many of your fellow passengers will have booked it too: while you may already have made friends and swapped numbers on the flight, an hour’s further acquaintance in, say, the queue at the Avis counter may test the relationship. Shop around and try another. Most of these worries had, in any case, been dealt with by our tour operator, Scott Dunn, which provided a reassuringly organised travel pack complete with itinerary, directions and tickets. Phew.

The Côte d’Azur falls well within the Bremner rule of travel, which stipulates that you should stay one night for each hour of flying; one night in Paris is doable; for Madrid or the Med, you need at least two. For Greece and Morocco, three or four, and so on: 10 days in South Africa, three weeks in Australia.

Rather than revisiting familiar haunts behind Cannes, I fancied venturing deeper into Provence, nearer to the sunflower and lavender fields of the Luberon. The Relais & Châteaux-featured Couvent des Minimes, near Manosque, sounded just the job, as indeed it looked on first appearance.

While the two-and-a-half hour journey through scrubby, wooded, rough countryside from Nice was less picturesque (Marseille or Avignon airports are nearer), the Couvent itself lies on the edge of the small hilltop town of Mane.

The building, a former convent, has recently been beautifully restored and converted, its pool and terraces of lavender overlooking a field of sunflowers. (Tick!) Meals are served either on the terrace or around the cloistered inner courtyard. On the minus side, being a convent, the place has small rooms and limited views, giving a slightly claustrophobic feel. None of this would matter that much were it not for the series of unforced errors that spoilt what could have been a very nice hotel.

Our original room (No 6) was an acceptable (though small) suite with an outside terrace; but it was near the binsheds at the back (flies!) and was located down a noisy corridor with what sounded like a giant snoring next door. On closer inspection, this turned out to be the throb of the three sizeable air conditioning units located a few feet below the window. The vibration from these could be felt through your pillow and, once heard, couldn’t be put from your mind.

We moved immediately, and the (dearer) alternative was quieter, though not that much bigger. (To be fair, others did not seem concerned by the smallness of the rooms.) The original 17th-century chapel was now a large empty space, the altar replaced, somewhat incongruously, by a moss-green sofa; here (the chapel, not the sofa) you could get married, hold a meeting, have an event or a party, but (said the guide) “nothing sacrilegious”. “Oh, don’t worry about that,” a large American lady declared. “At my age, I’m past sacrilegious.” The hotel seems particularly popular with cycling parties, all Lycra, sports bikes and tanned calves.

The real problem with the Couvent is a lack of management, of attention to detail, of any savoir-faire when it comes to hospitality. It’s as if, complacent with the excellent restoration – all glass, stone and original features – the hotel’s employees have taken the rest for granted. The result gives the impression, like me in Lycra and a cycle helmet, of having All the Gear and No Idea.

In the spa both the saunas were cold (they had been switched off) and the loungers left rumpled and dishevelled from previous users. The spa reception was often unwomanned. At the poolside, an hour and a half passed before anyone appeared to offer a drink. At dinner, after we had waited half an hour for our dessert, the waitress apologised, saying that despite several requests the kitchen hadn’t prepared it. Relais & Châteaux, meet Fawlty Towers.

So while the courgette flowers, entrecôte and cod were OK (nothing special), I can’t tell you about the peach soup, since it never materialised. The hotel did have a posher, gastronomic restaurant, but reports of €50 (£43) for a small piece of lamb persuaded us to look elsewhere the second night.

Good call. Nearby, the delightful market town of Forcalquier has many pavement cafés and restaurants and two real finds – both traditional and unpretentious: In Vino, a unique little restaurant tucked away off the main road (we hadn’t booked, so just had to salivate watching dinner being prepared in the tiny kitchen), and Neuf, a short climb through the alleyways to a sweet terrace restaurant offering delicious salmon tartare, fresh melon and Parma ham flavoured with rinquinquin (a local peach aperitif), monkfish in Provençal herbs and a truly melting milk confiture pudding.

After a quick call to Scott Dunn, whose staff rearranged the trip in a trice, we left the Couvent next morning. As we set off, I noticed that all the sunflowers had turned their backs on the hotel; if the management doesn’t raise its game soon, visitors may do the same.

After that experience, we needed something to restore our faith in Relais & Châteaux, a brand with which you hope your expectations will be exceeded rather than frustrated. At Le Mas Candille in Mougins, back in familiar territory overlooking the Côte d’Azur, the manager, Giuseppe Cosmai, delivered in spades.

With as much French flair as he can manage (he is in fact Italian), he has risen through the ranks at the Mas and taken the hotel with him. He is everywhere: greeting guests at dinner, checking up on the spa, patrolling the grounds (we even found him with a handful of moss in his hand, doing a spot of tidying in the gardens).

We had stayed there several years ago and felt mildly disappointed. A new building has been added – the hotel now occupies three or four levels down a steepish south-facing slope – and the new suites are top-class (though eye-wateringly pricey ). There is, however, a wide range of rooms, from the standard “classic”.

The Giuseppe effect, like the manager himself, is apparent throughout the hotel. It boasts three pools – one for children, another secluded oasis by the spa, and the main hotel pool with a panoramic terrace, which at night becomes the Pergola restaurant. Here you can sit and enjoy an aperitif with an unrivalled view west over the valley toward the setting sun. I say unrivalled: the view from the main restaurant below, with the windows open and a gentle breeze, is just as good.

If lobster club sandwich or onion tart with quail and pesto are too haute cuisine for your taste, they do a reasonable deal upstairs at the Pergola: three delicious courses (scallop carpaccio with watermelon, risotto with prawns, pudding) at €55 (£48)– or €70 (£61) with champagne, wine and mineral water.

But it’s the service that marks out Le Mas Candille. Still on English time, we overslept and arrived for breakfast after it had finished. Without hesitation, the friendly team set up a table in the bar and served us, even joking how much easier it was when the restaurant wasn’t full. They seem to enjoy and take a pride in their job.

Mougins is a good base from which to explore St Paul de Vence or drop into Cannes, Nice or the coast, but this time we stuck with the hotel’s pools, restaurants and the spa, and left two days later feeling restored and, frankly, spoilt.

“We’re not perfect,” Giuseppe says, but they’re on the right track. The friendliness of the staff and the service should be more than enough for anyone. With the possible exception of Dominique Strauss-Kahn. But then, some people are never satisfied. C’est comme ça.

Rory Bremner's Provence: Essentials

Luxury travel specialist, Scott Dunn offers short breaks to Le Mas Candille near Mougins on the Cote d’Azur from £900 per person including four nights accommodation on a bed and breakfast basis, return flights, transfers or car hire and one complimentary night until June 16 2012. Call Scott Dunn’s European Escapes specialists on 020 8682 5080 and visit www.scottdunn.com.

EasyJet flies to Nice from Bristol, Edinburgh, Liverpool, London Gatwick, Stansted, Luton and Newcastle. Prices one way start from £27.99 and include all taxes. www.easyJet.com

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