Confessions of a Dislocated TexanPerhaps we should all just
take a nap

By, Ezra Mann

Once upon a time when I was still a wee trouble maker, I was held captive
under the education system’s naptatorship. Every day for preschool and kindergarten
we were herded into our holding area to be laid out like sides of beef until
we could later continue the day.
Of course, being the Che Sleepvara I was, I was intent on staying awake
instead of being forced to close my eyes like a good little American boy.
I fought the capitalist sandman and I look back on those times in a whole
new light now that I’m a member of the working world. What the heck was
wrong with me?
I’d give a huge chunk of my paycheck to get a decent nap during the day
now. Then again, if certain European nations and Japan allow their workers
a chance to rest part way into the day, it wouldn’t hurt to follow suit.
That’s right, places like Japan actually let their workers have a bit of
sleep to help them through the day and some places actually have a nap room.
Screw coffee and vending machines, throw in some regularly cleaned company
cots and you might just get unprecedented loyalty! However, we are gluttons
for punishment and sleep deprivation fits in the workaholic mix perfectly.
I wonder though where this whole silly idea of anti nappage started. When
the forefathers were putting together our great nation did they just forget
to add that line “by the people, for the people and never get midday shut
eye you people less the nation crumble?”
Sure, when I was in starting out in the elementary years I was reckless,
but I don’t think I should be banned from recovering by a society of bloodshot
eyed leadership. Heck, you might see some people come into work earlier
if they were promised pillow time part way through. Just get India to answer
the phone like the credit card industry.
Besides, we all know productivity would be improved and there really aren’t
that many grouchy well rested people. “Darn in Roberts, if I hadn’t been
napping for two hours each day I’d be reluctant to understand why you need
this raise!”
Ok, two hours wouldn’t have to be the established norm, but as the young
become old, we need some point to re-gather our lost energy. Just install
a little nap bell that rings and we’ll all catch some Zs that lead to more
cha-ching later. Monogrammed footy pajamas would be extra.
So I say we just save ourselves any further denial and get this sleep movement
going. I mean it working population; get your act together so this humor
columnist can reap his much needed reward.
It just makes sense to get some rest because if we’re not going to actually
address things including the environment or affordable driving costs, we
may as well be comfortable while the world lasts. All I’m really asking
for is to get back what I so foolishly gave away as a child. After that’s
taken care of we can talk about the lack of adult recess.