Let's help the Magic attract more fans

FROM THE CHEAP SEATS

It's not even December but, despite Friday's win in Detroit, it may already be a time when the Orlando Magic could use our help.

No, not on the court (unless you are 6-10 and have a decent 18-foot jump shot) but in the promotions office. Yes, if the Magic are going to continue to sell tickets, they may need more "extras" to keep us distracted from the score.

Are you here to help? I am. Let's get to it:

Top Five Promotional Ideas for the Orlando Magic

5. Frisbee-catching dogs. (Everybody loves Frisbee-catching dogs.)

4. Silver Stars (the dance team from the Villages) speed dating night. (This one is mostly for me.)

3. Fat Guy's Twinkie Night. (Probably can corner the market.)

2. Whack a Stuff. (Needs no explanation.)

1. Sit On The Bench Night! (There's plenty of room.)

Actually, the Magic are way ahead of me. On Nov. 25, you not only can see the Magic players and the Boston Celtic players but also the Olate Dogs that you loved on "America's Got Talent." They might even bring their Frisbees.

Fab Five Football Picks

Last week: Nobody is perfect every week (as I was in Week 9, if you have forgotten,) but still had an impressive 9-4-1 effort straight up (95-50-1 for season). Although I was just 7-7 against the spread (69-76-1 for season). Onward and upward.

My new hero is Panther defender Greg Hardy, who paints his face before games and becomes, wait for it, The Kraken. "I go down into my subconscious. I find him and I unlock the cage. What he does when I'm not there, I don't know." I'd pay to see a defensive coordinator scream: "Release the Kraken!"

Last week, the Gags used the no-huddle offense a lot. Said WR Laurent Robinson: "You see it, we feel it. We feel confidence in it. We can move the ball, we can throw it around, run it and we're clicking." — Laurent, buddy, the Colts beat you by 17.

You think this is a lock, right? But Pack are 2-2 on the road, while Lions are 2-1 at home. And Lions DE Kyle Vanden Bosch is right when he says "It's all been self-inflicted." I may not be Quasimodo, but I've got a hunch.

Bizarre Moment of Week 10:Chiefs actually score a TD, have a team hot dog roast and party in the endzone, get penalized 15 yards — and the TD is nullified by an earlier penalty. Come on, NFL. It's the Chiefs. They thought they scored so it's surprising they didn't hold a parade. Imagine if they won.

• Can't decide if Magic should draft Kentucky PF Nerlens Noel or UCLA SF Shabazz Muhammad with the first pick next year. Having a Noel would be great at Christmas, but you got to love the idea of the Fat Guy bounding around the arena yelling "Shabazz!"

• Apologies to Vanderbilt for a cheap shot about it and SEC homecoming queens last week. As many of you noted in emails, that's a dated shot the Commodores no longer deserve. I'll save it for Auburn next time.

• Jay Leno: "The big story here in Los Angeles [is] the Lakers have fired their coach Mike Brown and here's the sad part: When reporters asked him if he thought he should be fired he had no defense. The Lakers are so bad President Obama and Chris Christie toured the Staples Center. The Lakers are playing so bad their illegitimate kids are claiming the Clippers are their real fathers. The Lakers are so bad they're bringing Shaq back just for his free throws."

• And how about Thanksgiving dinner at the Buss mansion? Family to Jeanie: "Are you bringing him to dinner?"

• Miguel Cabrera wins the MVP. Take that, math nerds!

• Finally, Pittsburgh Steeler coach Mike Tomlin said the offense would make subtle changes because Byron Leftwich is replacing Ben Roethlisberger at quarterback. I can buy that if you think the single wing is subtle.

Wake me for the Super Bowl

NFL teams worry about everything — including how much sleep the players are getting. Sleep is a favorite topic for me and Kevin Clark of The Wall Street Journal tells us that some teams are focusing on improving the rest time of its players.

Hopefully, reading it won't put you to sleep but, if it does, whatever works.

Check it out here: http://thesent.nl/105q245.

Get up early Mondays through Fridays to hear Jerry dozing on The Beat of Sports, hosted by Marc Daniels from 9 a.m. to noon on 740 the Game radio. Send sleeping tips or other comments to osogreene@aol.com and have a great Sunday.