OPENING SEGMENT- bad
Everyone is talking about how New Day “humiliated” Raw and Kurt last week and I still don’t see how any of that is close to true. Steph comes out and oh dear G-d you know she’s going to be unbearable with this. She calls out Kurt to profusely apologize… and Steph says that she isn’t upset at him about what New Day did, but she does ask the one logical question about that whole situation that only myself and Corey Graves have asked so far, which is “how did New Day get into the building?” despite Kurt’s increased security?
Kurt doesn’t know. And rather than bury Kurt for failing to find out, she buries him for allowing himself to be “manipulated” by Shane again. Did they have her ask the smart question first just to get my hopes up before dashing them by going down this idiotic line of questioning?
Yes, technically Kurt was manipulated by Shane’s plan last week… but not into doing anything that was in any way to Raw’s detriment! If The Shield went to Smackdown and they were beating up Xavier Woods so Big E. and Kofi came running out to make the save, would anyone be saying that New Day had been “manipulated” by The Shield and thus should be ashamed? Hell no!
Steph now buries Kurt for picking Jason Jordan as the fifth member of Team Raw. When Steph asks what accolades Jason Jordan has that might warrant him being given this spot, all Kurt can say is “he’s very talented.” That’s it, Kurt? Very talented? Nothing about him winning the Smackdown Tag Team Titles or the NXT Tag Team Titles? Because those were the first things that jumped into my head. What kind of terrible father can’t remember the biggest accomplishments of his son’s career?
Steph compares Jason Jordan to Smackdown’s fifth man, John Cena. While Steph isn’t wrong about this, I’d like to know how Shane booked Cena in this position if Cena is a free agent and thus not on either roster?
This is unbearable. Steph is berating Kurt and he is just standing there and taking it and taking it and oh my G-d why don’t you just bring in Kai-en-Tai to actually cut Kurt’s dick off, because at least that wouldn’t take as long as these Steph promos. Seriously! If you’re Kurt Angle, how the hell is the money WWE is paying you possibly worth this? Quit. Go to ROH or New Japan and make yourself some money but at least keep your f*cking dignity.
Steph is about to fire Kurt because he is letting Shane “ruin” Raw, but The Shield interrupt her. They’re here to vouch for Kurt’s leadership skills.
One thing that I am enjoying about Steph his her mocking the fans’ dumb chants. Unfortunately, that’s just about the only thing to like about her presence. She asks The Shield if them losing the tag belts was Kurt’s fault or New Day’s. I’d argue that it’s the referee’s for not stopping the match when it obviously should have been stopped, but apparently that’s not a thing. If it was, Steph would be yelling at Kurt about it.
Then she turned to Roman and asked “where the hell have you even been?” and I blew a gasket. In their announcement about the match changes at TLC, WWE stated that Roman was out sick. As Steph is so fond of reminding us, she is the commissioner of Raw… so how the hell did she not know this? In fact, didn’t she even mention people being out sick when she made her big return two weeks ago?
Roman responds to Steph’s question with a very reasonable one of his own: “where the hell have you been?” Because, as I said months ago, it makes no sense for Steph to have been out this long.
But then, rather than pursue this line of questioning Roman insists that “we don’t do what you tell us to do; we do what we wanna do.” Roman says that they want to fight The New Day and they’re going to destroy them. The Shield’s music played and the segment ended, with all questions about Steph and Roman’s whereabouts left unanswered, and Steph apparently deciding to not fire Kurt because I guess Dean’s speech convinced her not to?

WINNER GETS A SPOT ON THE RAW WOMEN’S SURVIVOR SERIES TEAM: Bayley vs. Mickie James vs. Dana Brooke- 4/10
The four members of the team were at ringside to watch. At one point Dana took a spill to the outside and Asuka went to check on her, which got Dana angry for some reason and Dana forearmed Asuka in the face. Dana got back into the ring but Asuka chased her out of it and laid her out with a kick on the other side. This whole thing was done so they could have Asuka take someone out, which isn’t a totally terrible idea except that they had Asuka act totally out of character and had Dana, a babyface, act like a heel in order to force this thing to happen the way they wanted it.
Bayley pinned Mickie to win her place on the team, dashing my hopes that we would actually get some interesting storytelling by having Bayley about to get a spot on the team but have her pin stolen from her by Mickie, leading to Bayley getting angry that she didn’t have a spot on the team and eventually turning heel on Mickie while still trying to be a babyface where Sasha is concerned and finally turning on Sasha when Sasha tries to get her to realize that she is acting like a heel and needs to start acting like herself again.

RAW MEN’S SURVIVOR SERIES TEAM BACKSTAGE- to make sure Joe and Balor can get along, Kurt is booking them to team together against Gallows & Anderson. He books Jason Jordan against Bray Wyatt so that he can prove himself to everyone who doubts him. Braun wants Kane, so Kurt gives him Kane in the main event. A rare segment where everything made perfect sense!

MIZ TV WITH SPECIAL GUESTS SHEAMUS & CESARO- dull
This might be first time that anyone has actually mentioned that Sheamus & Cesaro took the initiative to win the tag titles. Every other time it has been mentioned since it happened has made it seem like New Day did everything when, in reality, they didn’t touch anyone and they distracted Sheamus & Cesaro just as much as they distracted Seth & Dean. They now cut a promo on The Usos, being sure to call Smackdown a “b show,” something they never did in their months as tag champs before even though they supposedly believed it the whole time. Cole points out to us that these are the kinds of comments that pissed the Smackdown guys off to the point where they decided to put Raw #UnderAnnoyingCatchphraseThatDoesn’tActuallyMakeSense, and I know I’ve beaten this point into the ground, but the way WWE used this promo to allow Cole to segue into the video package about it really pisses me off because anyone who has actually been watching the show knows how backwards this whole thing has been and how much this entire feud has been the epitome of WWE’s lazy approach to storytelling. The sequence of events here- first Smackdown attacks. Then, the next week, Shane claims they attacked because everyone on Raw calls them the “b show,” and only after that- a whole two weeks after the initial assault, to people on Raw start calling Smackdown the “b show.” It’s so f*cking clear that they’re booking this sh*t on the fly that it’s offensive, and now they’re trying to tell me that this sh*t has been going on behind the scenes all the time? F*ck off! How about you learn to tell a story properly instead?

NEW DAY HAVE ACCEPTED THE SHIELD’S CHALLENGE VIA TWITTER- Dumbf*ck Woods has his shoot name on his Twitter. Keep kayfabe!

Raw hates Smackdown so much that they’re putting over John Cena Tweeting out a picture of himself lifting weights.

JASON JORDAN vs. BRAY WYATT- 6.25/10
They gave Jordan a roll-up win over Bray but then Bray jumped him from behind and beat the sh*t out of him. You know. Because G-d forbid someone get over on Bray Wyatt. Despite that fact that we saw Kurt and Steph watching this match, no one- not security, not Kurt, not the rest of the Raw team, came out to help Jason Jordan and save him from Bray. The fans chanted “THANK YOU, WYATT!” Jordan’s leg, which had been injured during the match, was rammed into the ringpost, so I guess someone finally came to their senses and decided to take Jason Jordan out of the match. Unfortunately, this probably means the final spot will be filled by Bray Wyatt or Kane, either of whom is very likely to attack one of their teammates so we won’t get a totally clean win in our PPV main event.

KURT ANGLE, JASON JORDAN, & THE TRAINER- Kurt someone knows that Jason Jordan won’t be ready to compete at 100% by the PPV so he wants to take him off the team. Jason Jordan begs Kurt not to do so, and we cut away before Kurt can make a decision.

PAUL HEYMAN & BROCK LESNAR PROMO- great
Paul Heyman rightfully buried the asshole who proposed to his fiancée in the middle of Paul’s promo. Seriously, dude. Wait for a f*cking commercial.

THE SHIELD vs. SHEAMUS, CESARO, & THE MIZ (w/the Miz-tourage)- 7/10
Booker T insisted that Team Raw isn’t on the same page because these two teams, who don’t have to team with each other on at Survivor Series, are wrestling each other tonight. Again… how has ne not been removed from commentary?

KANE PROMO- his music playing in the background made this even cornier than the words Kane said made it… and Kane said the phrase “symphony of horrors.”

KURT ANGLE MAKES AN ANNOUNCEMENT-
Kurt is going to remove Jason Jordan from the Survivor Series team but Jason comes out and begs Kurt not to do remove him from the team because “I’ve worked my entire career to get to this point. This is Survivor Series- the one time of year when Raw and Smackdown go head-to-head in direct competition.” He’s practically crying as he says this… and they still make him say the stupid tagline. Because that definitely doesn’t make it feel fake. And I’m sorry if this bothers anyone who grew up when they only had four or five PPVs a year, but Survivor Series is not a PPV that I can buy anyone crying over if they’re not booked.
Jason insists that he’ll be ready by Sunday. Kurt doesn’t think he will be. Jason points out that Kurt won an Olympic Gold Medal with a broken freakin’ neck. Now he’s back to crying that he “won’t get another opportunity like this.” Why not? If the issue is PPV main events then I’m sure he’ll earn some at some point. If the issue is getting to team with his dad, why can’t Kurt book them in a tag match? And if the issue is representing Raw then I guess Jason will just have to wait until next year- although I really don’t see why I am supposed to believe that these wrestlers are all fanatically loyal to their brands all of a sudden.
But there actually is one rather unique situation for this match that Jason should have brought up here but he didn’t, which was the stipulation that if Team Raw loses, Kurt will be fired. Jason should be saying that he wants to be there to fight for his dad’s career. But he’s not saying it. Probably because that stip hasn’t been brought up over the past week or so, which is probably because Vince changed his mind about it so now they’re just pretending that Steph didn’t make that announcement on live television.
Speaking of Steph, she comes out here to tell Kurt not to listen to Jason Jordan, and if we are supposed to presume that Kurt isn’t just making major assumptions and knows for sure that Jason Jordan won’t be 100% by Survivor Series, then Steph is 100% in the right.
Before Kurt can make a decision, Steph leaves and TRIPLE H shows up and tells Kurt “if you won’t make the damn announcement, I will!” And then Triple H announces HIMSELF as Jason Jordan’s replacement. Jason Jordan pleads with his third father, Proud Papa Paul of NXT, but Hunter kicks Jason in the gut and nails him with a Pedigree while Kurt Angle just stands there and watches.
First of all, I’m calling bullsh*t on Hunter being able to be on Team Raw. He’s not a member of either roster. Secondly, I really don’t understand the point of this for Hunter. Obviously he’s siding with Raw because that’s his wife’s show, but if something really were on the line, you’d think Hunter would have jumped in sooner and used his power as COO to somehow reprimand Shane and Smackdown for their unprovoked assault or something, right? Clearly WWE wants to use this to do lead to Kurt vs. Hunter at Mania (which is disappointing because I think Hunter vs. Owens- or even Hunter & Shane vs. Kevin & Sami- is the better idea, and because there is no way they’ll be able to stretch this out that long in a manner that won’t completely drag), but the insertion of the McMahons- and Hunter in particular- in this story feels very forced. I’m not saying it doesn’t make sense; I’m saying it feels completely out of left field.

Now that they put up the new graphic, I will admit that the Survivor Series main event does feel a lot more star-studded than it did a few days ago.

CHARLY CARUSO INTERVIEWS ALEXA BLISS!- she buries Smackdown, saying that it became the b show when she got drafted to Raw. Finally, a heel acting like a heel! She shouldn’t have said that she never watches it, though. That’s a little too much of a burial. She teases showing up to Smackdown to watch the Smackdown Women’s Title match live.

KANE vs. BRAUN STROWMAN- no rating, okay segment.
They had a brawl with weapons instead of their match. It was pretty good. It ended with Braun powerslamming Kane through the ring.

Why wouldn't you hit the Angle Slam when he had him hooked in, or take out the leg and apply the ankle lock?

Or even better, at the very least if you didn't want to go there yet..Have Kurt stand in front of his son? This whole Kurt Angle they've been showing us lately is NOT the guy who won every TNA title at once.

Oh, it's because EVERYONE has to look like fools against Stephanie and H. They shouldn't even be trying to subtlety hint that Kurt didn't wanna go at it with Triple H because of his ranking above him. Fuck the boss, that's his son.