What the hell? Where's the news? Where's the journalism? I come here for hard-hitting investigative journalism about treed cats and whether or not Paris is wearing underwear, and what do I get? A bunch of opinions about things! What kind of news site is this, anyway?

And they're not even informed opinions like you'd get from Ann Coulter or Jonah Goldberg, writers who bring years of experience at doing whatever it is they supposedly have years of experience doing to their articulate, well-informed, competent--

Oh, jeez, I can't even type this crap without cracking myself up. Did I go far enough to sell the joke? Tell me I went far enough. Please. I'd hate to think I typed the words "Jonah Goldberg," "Ann Coulter" and "competent" in a paragraph that wasn't about psychiatric commitment proceedings for no good reason.

If you say a troll's name three times, do you think it will come back so you can poke it? It's probably not worth trying, is it?

Marshall is lurking around. He/She has logged into the site a dozen times this morning from his/her computer in the mortgage department at the Laguna Niguel branch of DSL. Right now, Marshall is located at 27120 Alicia Pkwy # ALaguna Niguel, CA 92677If you'd like to call him or her, here's Marshall's number:(949) 360-5720

He/She will be there until about 3:30PM, West Coast Time. Then it takes about an hour to get home, depending on traffic.

Marshall, I used to do this kind of thing for a living - really. I'm amused at your ineptitude at the moment, but I'd advise you not to piss me off any further. Because you see, Marshall, I have the email addresses of all five of your board of directors, and the gang email address for your stock holders. And I'm thinking about sending your comments to them. Whether or not I do so, depends entirely on how pissy I feel today.

Jim, if I promise to stop calling you names and also promise to send you some apple butter the next time I put some up, will you pull the trigger on those e:mails?

Because:

"Stupidity cannot be cured with money, or through education, or by legislation. Stupidity is not a sin, the victim can't help being stupid. But stupidity is the only universal capital crime; the sentence is death, there is no appeal and execution is carried out automatically and without pity."

Janiece, the ball is in Marshall's court. He can apologize, then if he chooses to do so he can explain the bank's position in a polite and professional manner and I will post it unedited.

Or I will dammed well do as I said - and I'll do that immediately if he displays any more asshattery in any form whatsoever.

Funny how he has a whole lot less bluster when he can't hide behind the anonymity he thought he had though, isn't it? Embarrassing to get caught acting unprofessional on your office computer, isn't it?

Nathan, I was selected for Warrant for a reason. I'm a nice guy, as long as you're nice to me. Be an asshole though, and I will return the favor in spades.

Jeri, sorry, I did see your email, and Beastly and I were trying to figure out whether or not we could make it.

Then the power went out. Squirrels. You'd think they'd get a clue, wouldn't you? Considering that this is about the tenth one to get immolated in the transformer this month.

We're still working it - and we would really like to. You were such a blast to talk to last time, I've been looking forward to meeting you in meatspace again. Tania too, for that matter. Give me a bit to work the schedule and I'll let you know if we can swing it.

----------------

Janiece, yeah, this guy is a coward, that's pretty obvious. All full of silly piss and vinegar when he's anonymous. Out his ass though, and he runs and hides.

As to being dumb, well, personally I wouldn't want him doing my mortgage. And if he doesn't roger up soon, I suspect he won't be doing anybody else's mortgage either, at least not for DSL. Before I forward anything to the board, I'll give the branch manager a call out of courtesy. (note: this is a different branch from the Hemet one in the post, different manager).

Heh, I'm still here in the background, quietly enjoying watching how all this plays out. But I'm in the middle of an IRL kerfuffle with the IT dept. where I work, which has sucked up my motivation to post anything anywhere.

Michelle - from the other post- no, being mistaken for any of the UCF is not a bad thing. But I am so far out of my depth talking about legal issues that I didn't want any stupid gaffes I might have made to reflect badly on Eric in case that thing got Farked or Boing Boinged. Yay me, I happened to guess right, but I've seen enough people talking out of turn in areas I know a lot about to be really, really cautious about making pronouncements in areas where I'm not qualified to do so. I mean, finding that statute was the work of about 5 minutes on Google, and I know exactly what that's worth in the real world.

I'd hate to have a bunch of Farkers dumping on Eric because of my mistake.

Comments on this blog are moderated. Each will be reviewed before being allowed to post. This may take a while. I don't allow personal attacks, trolling, or obnoxious stupidity. If you post anonymously and hide behind an IP blocker, I'm a lot more likely to consider you a troll. Be sure to read the commenting rulesbefore you start typing. Really.

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Jim Wright is a retired US Navy Chief Warrant Officer and freelance writer. He lived longer in Alaska than anywhere else and misses it terribly. He recently moved to the fetid Panhandle of Florida and lives now in an ancient Cold War bunker of a house surrounded by alligators and rednecks. He's been called the Tool of Satan, but he prefers to think of himself as the Devil's Designated Driver. He is the mind behind Stonekettle Station. You can email him at jim@stonekettle.com. You can follow him on Twitter @stonekettle, or you can join the boisterous bunch he hosts on Facebook at Facebook/Stonekettle. Remember to bring brownies and mind the white cat, he bites. Hard.

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This site may contain profanity. It also may contain ranting, strong opinions, misspellings, poor attempts at humor, and pictures of cats. If that bothers you, look away now. (Why, yes, my wife did make me add this disclaimer, thanks for asking.)