Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Sabar

Assalamualaikum wbt

confession: i am quite an impatient person.
when i dig deep within myself, i found that the thing i hate most, is waiting. no matter what form.
sometimes when waiting gets to my nerves, i get angry.
and when i'm angry, astaghfirullahalazim..

it's very disappointing.
i used to ask myself "why is it that you can change your outlook, change your lifestyle and whatnot, but you can't be patient and control your temper?" everytime after i've done something stupid because i was too impatient. that's the thing about me. i know i need to chill, to sabar and calm down, but the next time, the same cycle will happen again.

Allah Maha Adil.
He knows i am an impatient person, so He tests me by letting me handle the most impatient client. i felt harassed almost everyday by the number of calls, emails and texts that i almost always lost my temper. since i can't just throw my tantrum at work (don't want my colleagues and bosses to think i'm unprofessional), i let it out by throwing rocks, slamming my car door (as if that helps! pfft), and what's worse, sometimes, i would let some cursing slip off of my tongue after talking or replying my client's email.
in hopes that it could make me feel better.
it doesn't and never did. but i do it anyway =\

then one day, not long ago, i did solat jemaah isyak in a masjid near my workplace. on the second rakaat, the imam's mic's volume went lower and lower thus causing the imam to recite the surahs louder so that we could all hear him. but i couldn't hear him anyway.. 'cause of that, my mind started to wander. i started thinking about the most random things and then suddenly i realised the imam dah rukuk. so of course i followed. then i thought to myself, "ya Allah, sorry ek.. apasal la i tak kuat iman ni.. i hope You can wait for me (to be beriman enough)".

it was like a tight slap given across my face as i stood for qiyam..

how dare i.. how dare i ask Allah swt to wait for me, whereas i couldn't even wait for others?
how can i ask Allah, The Almighty, to be patient with me, when i can't with others?
how dare i ask Allah, The Giver of Life and Giver of Death, to wait for me to be a better person, as if i'm the one who gets to decide when i want to die?

i cried while praying that time.
and when i read Surah Al-fatihah, fresh tears streamed down my face.

Surah Al- fatihah:

Bismillahirrahmanirahim(In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful)Alhamdulillahi rabbil 'aalamin(All praise and thanks are Allah's, the Lord of the Alamin - mankind, jinn & all that exists)Ar-rahman ir-raheem (The Most Gracious, the Most Merciful)Maaliki yawm id-deen(The Only Owner (and the Only Ruling Judge) of the Day of Recompense)Iyaaka na'budu waiyaka nasta'een (You (alone) we worship, and You (alone) we ask for help - for each and everything)Ihdina ssirat al-mustaqeem(Guide us to the Straight Way)Siraat alladheena an'amta 'alayhim, ghairil maghdoobi 'alayhim wa lad-daleen(The Way of those on whom you have bestowed Your Grace, not the way of those who earned Your Anger, nor of those who went astray)

Ameen.

my life could be taken away whenever He pleases, and there i was, asking Him to wait.
"how dare you.." i kept saying to myself.. indeed. how dare me..

i'm sharing this side of me which i'm ashamed of to those of you reading this.. and i'm sharing it because i know there are some people who share this same problem. we're only human. we make mistakes, and we're far from perfect. but it's time to change.. we'll never know if we have a 'tomorrow'.

so here's my new year's resolution. instead of a list of things that i want to do, i only have one thing that i need to do.

i loves your sincere writing , I am also hate waiting , but wanted or not , i have to . So , while waiting , i also some benefit stuff , like 'berzikir' or reading . Besides that , take out any of your gadget like mp3<----- even though , its already outdated but its really entertaining . By doing that , its really helps me , to handle my stress while waiting someone .

salam,,reading this,,feels like an older sister giving advice to her younger sis *not saying u're old or anything here tehee* can totally relate to this eventhough mine is my temper rather than my patience huhu so,,keep it up,,loving it! (:

I did have same problem with you before, impatient.it's something really difficult to manage but Allah will help you as long as you believe in Allah..Allah will test you in many ways, in order to see your determination in keeping your words..So,keep your iman in preparation and face all the problems coming, with a strong heart. I know you can face all those things and will pray for your success, insya Allah..Take care of your iman..^_^

sobs. sobs. my temper is worse than yours. i try to control it by reading books (Don't Be Sad etc), bykkn selawat & istighfar. be around those who are positives helps too. my friends helps me a lot. =)

sebelum ni lynn tak pernah view ur video on utube. but once i tgok. i cannot stop myself laughing. u r just soo being u. n i like it. i dont understand why other people hate u. *based on comments i saw on utube*

We all have that moments when we fell we can't wait, we're so tired of waiting, I think. But your doing good asking Allah to make you be more patient, keep doing it, and InshaAllah you'll see how finally you're becoming patient, InshaAllah

You're an amazing person kak maria! You should find an usrah group.. It helps me a lot, especially knowing that there are other girls who want to be better muslims and doing it together is more fun and easier without being so "ustazah-like" you know?

I can't stand traffic jam.. I'd curse at the motorists, at the drivers, at the passer by, at the policemen. Then astaghfirullah...

Allah is also testing me by making me work with an impatient and short tempered bosses..in my previous and current company.... which I dislike. Finally it made me realise that I am disliking MYSELF. That I myself is no better than them.

So now I am trying my best to control my temper, my impatient. It's bizarre -__-

i think this is my first time comment something on your blog hihi :)but i wanna thank you for posting entries that can make your reader gain something, good things, which in return, you'll gain something also, insyaAllah :)anyway, just wanna share one thing here related to patient. you know, in the Day of Judgement kan, there will be a group of people that will be given syafaat (help) to enter the heaven WITHOUT DIHISAB (sorry lah manglish sikit :B) when they wanna enter the heaven, the malaikat will ask them utk pergi dihisab first,but they will say no, they have been given the syafaat to enter the heaven without dihisab and the malaikat ask, WHO ARE YOU?"the one who has patient" they replied. tapi kalau tak silap, dlm hadis sahih, sejumlah 72,000 org yg akn dpt syafaat ini. wallahua'lam :)

U really touch me in this post.....I'm a mualaf for 8yrs but recently only I'm realize I need to transform myself to be a better muslimah..... Going through a hard path..... Patient really need in this transformation.....