Monday, April 12, 2010

Poem 11 (not really) Malika 7/30

#11 04.12.10

I’ve got to get out-Detecting metal with my jawWired shutOn duty assigned duringInstructional time-My role has changed without my consent.Safe word ignored,My boundaries are blown throughSo now all I’m surrounded by isFree fall;Still at the mercy of aGhetto suburban mortgage,I show up-At least in person,Scribbling sonnets on pay stubs,Doing anything to keep my penMoving-My adult life is swallowing me whole-So I sit in it’s womb andScrawl on the walls,Amniotic fluid the ink,Writing the medium,Chasing the next high inStenciled sentiments,I stay within the lines,Adding to the ones becoming morePronounced beside my eyesWhen I smile-But I wouldn’t be a kid againFor anything in the world.That’s when you don’t have the wordsThat might protect you,So you try them all,Speaking in a halting cadence,Lollipop-sweet breath pleading forUnconditional security-They kept you safe from everyoneBut themselves.And this grown-up suit we don dailyIs no guarantee that we will emerge from the grindUnscathed-Quite the contrary,At times it’s a promise thatTeeth marks will appear across our jugulars likeBone chokers made to silence the weak-7 days to recreate your world from theSkeleton outline you have been reduced to;You can do it-Just pick up the tools of the trade,And pray it’s a fair one.This is not what I signed on for-Perhaps I was hearing impaired when they wereHanding out the instructions,But mine are printed backwards and in aDialect I cannot accessEven when I dial collect-The charges will be brought against meRegardless of what avenue I take,And the truth is I rarely know where I’m going.My moral compass is stuck on “maybe”,So decisions aren’t my strong suit-I outgrew that one long ago anyway.So here I am,Detecting metal with my jaw wired shut,Skipping double-dutch in a maze of beaurocracy,Itching in this grown-up suit,And fidgeting with responsibility.I can’t see over the counter,But my bills come due anyway.I show up-At least in person.The rest is kept under dredlocs and key,Hiding what is the real secret, the real treasure-Me.