Sunday, July 31, 2011

Be Responsible - Control Your Emotions

I don't understand why people seem to think that anyone else is to blame for their problems. Granted, I cannot say that I have never been guilty of saying, "You made me do it!"

I think that too many people confuse being provoked with being made to.

You can be provoked to anger. But you can't be made angry unless you have granted a person that level of power over you. However, in the end that is still your choice.

It's such a popular saying though, "You make me so (fill in the blank)." You CAN influence someone's emotions, their happiness, etc. But only if that person allows you to.

In the same way, someone can influence your emotions, but only if you allow that person that level of power over you. In a loving relationship, it's natural to want give and to give that power to someone.

But have you given too much?

Each person has the control over what bothers them, and what doesn't.

You may not feel that way, and certain things will almost always warrant a certain response from any individual. However, it's not always the same across the board.

Every individual will respond differently to any kind of event. Some people will cry in sadness, others will hold their feelings inside. You can cut off 20 people in traffic and they may all have a different response. Some will be furious, some will get intimidated, some will get annoyed, some may not really care much at all.

When you get the urge to say, "You make me so mad!!" step back and think about why that person "makes" you angry or upset.

Maybe they just know what buttons to push to get to you. If they frequently and intentionally push your buttons, you probably shouldn't be with them. If they don't do it all that often, perhaps you need to learn to control your actions and your reactions.

Once you take responsibility for your own actions that may have contributed to or caused your problem, you will be able to react to other people better. You'll be able to react to your environment better. It's not to say that you should sit around wallowing in your own wrongdoing, but sitting around blaming others won't benefit you either.

If you are running late for work, it is easy to get angry at all the slow drivers on the road (yes, I'm guilty). However, did you leave the house with enough time to allow for traffic conditions? It's easy to blame your spouse for not helping around the house more. But did you ask him to? What if he doesn't realize you would appreciate his help? Did he help before and not feel appreciated, thus stop? (Men like their actions to be rewarded. This annoys many women, but it is helpful to keep in mind when you want them to do something.)

Is there anything you could have done to prevent or lessen a problem you are facing?

Even if you have no control whatsoever over your problem, you can still do what you can and then leave the rest.

Take the traffic situation. When you left, you should've been on schedule to arrive at work early. However, there's been a major accident that happened right after you left and you wound up on the freeway with no exit ramp in sight.

You can handle that situation by cussing, screaming, weaving between any open lanes. You still get to work late, but your whole day is worse because you just couldn't believe those stupid people on the freeway stopping to look at what turned out to be not even an accident. Or, you could calmly call your boss on the way in, explain the situation, and sit patiently in traffic until you can at least get off at an exit.

It really is not only not fair but also generally immature to blame others for your feelings.

Learning to take control of your emotions and take responsibility for your own life and your own situations will make you feel less panicked, less angry, and less stressed out in general.

You'll be happier overall. Others will appreciate and value you more for being responsible. It can really make a difference.