So if you've come this far, you
probably know all about
our obsession (ahem!), I mean, love, for the FOX show Firefly. The
network, in its infinite stupidity, cancelled the show after airing 12
episodes, leaving 3 episodes unaired and millions of fans in mourning.

There was a massive
fan-driven campaign to get the show moved to another network but it just
didn't work out. However, the fan campaign did manage to help convince
the production company to put the show on DVD. We've now got
our shiny Firefly DVD set, replete with mondo extras, cast
commentaries, and the three unaired episodes. And as proof that no power
in the 'verse can stop us, we also got ourselves a right proper
motion picture, Serenity, which Browncoats can now have for our
very own on DVD. Not bad for a low-rated show that only got half a season.

So rejoice, fellow Browncoats..."we've
done the impossible, and that makes us mighty".

Mal: "We're not gonna die. We can't die, Bendis. You
know why? Because we are so...very...pretty. We are just too
pretty for God to let us die."

Wash: "Everything looks good from here... (beat...playing
with plastic dinosaurs over his console)
Yes. Yes, this is a fertile land, and we will thrive."

(as Stegosaurus) "We will rule over all
this land, and we will call it... 'This Land'."

(as T-Rex) "I think we should call it...your grave!"

(Stegosaurus) "Ah, curse your sudden but inevitable
betrayal!"

(T-Rex) "Ha ha HA! Mine is an evil laugh...now die!"

Mal: "I don't believe there's a power in the 'verse
that can stop Kaylee from being cheerful." (he smiles at her, never
stopping working) "Sometimes you just wanna duct tape her mouth
and dump her in the hold for a month."

Jayne: "Ten percent of nuthin' is...let me do
the math here...nuthin' into nuthin'...carry the nuthin'..."

Mal: "If anyone gets nosy, just...you know... shoot
'em. "

Zoe: "Shoot 'em?"

Mal: "Politely."

Book: "I brought you some supper but if you'd prefer
a lecture, I've a few very catchy ones prepped...sin and hellfire... one
has lepers."

Mal: "And I think calling him that is an insult to
the psychotic lowlife community."

Inara: "Attack." (Mal lunges at her with sword;
she sidesteps and swats him on the butt; he grunts in pain) "How did I
avoid that?"

Mal: "By being fast like a freak?"

Harrow: "You have to finish it, lad. You have to
finish it. For a man to lay beaten... and yet breathing? It makes him a
coward."

Inara: "It's humiliation."

Mal: "Sure. It would be humiliating. Having to lie
there while the better man refuses to spill your blood. Mercy is the mark
of a great man. (lightly stabs Atherton with the sword) Guess I'm
just a good man. (stabs him again) Well, I'm all right."

Mal: "So, she's added cussing and hurling about of
things to her repertoire. She really is a prodigy."

Simon: "It's just a bad day."

Mal: "No, a bad day is when someone's yellin' spooks
the cattle. Understand? You ever see cattle stampede when they got no
place to run? It's kind of like a...a meat grinder. And it'll lose us half
the herd."

Simon: "She hasn't gone anywhere near the cattle."

Mal: "No, but in case you hadn't noticed, her voice
kinda carries. We're two miles above ground and they can probably hear her
down there. Soon as we unload, she can holler until our ears bleed."
(to River) "Although I would take it as a kindness if she didn't."

River: "The human body can be drained of blood in
8.6 seconds given adequate vacuuming systems."

Mal:(to Simon) "See, morbid and creepifying,
I got no problem with, long as she does it quiet-like."

Book: "That bad?"

Zoe: "Battle wounds are nothing new to me,
preacher. I've seen men live with a dozen holes in 'em this size."

Book: "That right?"

Zoe: "Surely is. Knew a man once who had a hole clean
through his whole shoulder. Used to keep a spare hankie in there."

Jayne:(mock reading Simon's journal) "Dear
Diary...today I was pompous and my sister was crazy." (flips page)
"Today, we were kidnapped by hill folk never to be seen again. It was the
best day ever."

Kaylee: "Well, we're headed for help... right?"

Zoe: "Captain will come up with a plan."

Kaylee: "That's good. Right?"

Zoe: "Possibly you're not recalling some of his
previous plans."

Zoe: "You sanguine about the kind of reception
we're apt to receive on an Alliance ship, Cap'n?"

Mal: "No, they don't. Men of God make everyone feel
guilty and judged."

Mal: "Well, look at this! Appears we got here just
in the nick of time. Whaddya suppose that makes us?"

Zoe: "Big damn heroes, sir."

Mal: "Ain't we just!"

Mal: "Y'all see the man hanging out of the spaceship with
the really big gun? Now I'm not saying you weren't easy to find but it was kinda out of our way, and he didn't want to come in the first place. Man's
lookin' to kill some folk. So really, it's his will y'all should worry
about thwarting." (to Simon) "Gotta say, doctor, your talent for
alienatin' folk is near miraculous."

(Husband) Jayne: "Oh, I think you might wanna
reconsider that last part. See, I married me a powerful ugly creature."

(Wife) Mal: "How can you say that? How can you
shame me in front of new people?"

(Husband) Jayne: "If I could make you purtier, I
would."

(Wife) Mal: "You are not the man I met a year ago."
(they suddenly draw their guns on the bandits, Mal slowly pulling his
bonnet off)

Mal: "Now think real hard. You been bird-dogging
this township a while now. They wouldn't mind a corpse of you. Now you can
luxuriate in a nice jail cell, but if your hand touches metal, I swear by
my pretty floral bonnet: I will end you."

Mal: "You wanna tell me how come there's a statue of you
here, looking at me like I owe him something?"

Jayne: "Wishin' I could, Captain."

Mal: "No, seriously, Jayne, you want to tell me--?"

Jayne: "Look, Mal, I got no ruttin' idea. I was here a few
years back, like I said. Pulled a second-story, stole a lot of scratch from the
magistrate up on the hill. But things went way south. I had to hightail it. They
don't...put you on a pedestal in town square for that."

Mal: "Yeah, but I'm looking at some fair compelling
evidence says they do."

Simon:(staring at the statue) "This must be what
going mad feels like."

Jayne: "Uh, hey, I got a idea. Instead of us hanging
around playing art critic 'til I get pinched by the man, how's about we move
away from this eerie-ass piece of work, and get on with our increasingly
eerie-ass day. How's that?"

Mal: "Where're we going?" (Zoe sneaks away, around and
behind the doctor)

Pompous Doctor: "You see this badge? It says 'doctor'. I
say walk, you walk."

Mal: "Yeah but, where're we going?"

Pompous Doctor: "You must be new." (Zoe walks up behind
him) "Don't get comfortable, your type never lasts long around here. When
your supervisor hears about the rude and disrespect--ARGH!!!" (falls to the
ground, unconscious, revealing Zoe standing behind him with defib paddles)

Zoe:(shrugs) "Clear."

River:(cryptically to Jayne) "Your toes are in
the sand."

Jayne: "And your head's up your-"

Simon: "Hey! Back off!"

Zoe: "Can we find someplace with a beach?"Wash:(grinning and skipping to her) "Maybe a naked beach?"
(they kiss)

Mal: "Cut it out. Job's not done 'til we're back on
Serenity."

Zoe: "Sorry, sir, didn't mean to enjoy the moment."

River:(cryptically to Jayne) "They took
Christmas away."

Jayne:(confused) "What the hell now?"

River: "Came downstairs for the shiny presents...they
took the tree, and the stockings...nothing left but coal."

Jayne:(to Simon) "Would you shut her up?"

River:(to Jayne) "Don't look in the closet,
either -- it's greedy." (smiles) "It's not in the spirit of the
holiday."

Jayne: "You shut the hell up right now or so help me,
I'll shut you up."

Kaylee: "Hey there, Inara! How was your checkup?"

Inara: "Same as last year. What's going on?"

Kaylee:(cheerfully) "Oh well let's see...we
killed Simon and River, stole a bunch of medicine, and the Cap'n and Zoe are
springin' the others got snatched by the feds."

Mal: "Hey! How was your thing?"

Inara: "As advertised -- lots of needles and cold exam
tables. I heard you had some excitement."

Wash: "And then
came the lying to me about it, which for me is sort of the highlight of this
little adventure."

Zoe: "Is there
any way I'm gonna get out of this with honor and dignity?"

Wash: "You're
pretty much down to ritual suicide, lambie-toes."

Wash: "Didn't
want you taking off without me. In fact, didn't want you taking off at all.
Thought I might take this run instead. Me and the Captain."

Mal: "The
Captain who's standing right here telling you that's not gonna happen?"

Wash: "Well,
it's a dangerous mission, sir. I can't stand the thought of something happening
that might cause you two to come back with another thrilling tale of bonding and
adventure. I just can't take that right now."

Mal: "Okay, um,
I'm lost. Uh, I'm angry, and I'm armed, so if you two have something that you
need to work out --"

Wash:(to a
departing Zoe) "Bye, hon! We promise not to stop for beers with the fellas!"
(sits down, starts the engines, then to Mal) "So, are we gonna sing army
songs or something?"

Wash: "Hey,
I've been in a firefight before! Well, I was in a fire." (beat)
"Actually, I was fired from a fry-cook opportunity."

Wash: "I don't
want you to spare me, Mal. If you think you know what's happening, then you tell
me. You wouldn't spare Zoe if she were in this situation with you, would you?
You would be planning, and plotting and possibly scheming. So whatever Zoe would
do in this instance is what I wanna do. Do you know why? No matter how ugly it
gets, you two always come back with the stories. So... I'm Zoe. Now, what do I
do?"

Mal: "Probably
not talk quite so much."

Wash: "Right.
Less talking. She's terse. I can be terse. Once in flight school, I was
laconic."

Wash: "I mean,
I'm the one she swore to love, honor and obey."

Mal:
"Listen..." (beat) "She swore to obey?"

Wash: "Well,
no, not... But that's just my point! You she obeys! She obeys you! There's
obeying going on right under my nose!"

Zoe: "Preacher,
don't the Bible have some pretty specific things to say about killing?

Book: "Quite
specific. It is, however, somewhat fuzzier on the subject of kneecaps."

Mal: "Yeah,
okay, my point is could've been you she might have shot just then. The doctor,
as you just made note of. And who exactly could fix you? Not nobody. We're deep
in space, corner of No and Where. You take extra care with her...'cause we're
very much alone out here."

Wash: "Little
River just gets more colorful by the moment. What'll she do next?"

Zoe: "Either
blow us all up or rub soup in our hair. It's a toss-up."

Wash: "I hope
she does the soup thing. It's always a hoot, and we don't all die from it."

Mal: "But she
does have an oddness to her. And I ain't just talking about her proficiency with
firearms. Girl knows things. Things she shouldn't. Things she couldn't."

Jayne: "Wha-...are
you-are you sayin' she's a witch?"

Wash:
(sarcastically) "Yes, Jayne. She's a witch. She has had congress with the
beast."

Mal: "Did the primary buffer
panel just fall off my gorram ship for no apparent reason?!"

Wash: "Yeah well, if she doesn't
give us some extra flow from the engine room to offset the burn through, this
landing is gonna get pretty interesting."

Mal: "Define interesting."

Wash: "Oh god oh god we're all gonna die?"

Mal: "This is the captain. We
have a...little problem with our engine sequence, so we may experience some
slight turbulence and then...explode."

Mal: "Yeah well, just get us
on the ground."

Wash: "That part will happen
pretty definitely."

Jayne: "We're gonna explode? I
don't wanna explode."

Mal: "Jayne, how many weapons
you plannin' on takin'? You only got the two arms."

Jayne: "Well I just excitable
as to choice, like to have my options open."

Mal: "I don't plan on any
shooting taking place during this job."

Jayne: "Yeah well, what you plan
and what takes place ain't ever exactly been similar."

Zoe: "Those grenades?"

Jayne: "Yeah, Cap'n don't want 'em."

Zoe: "Jayne, we're robbing the
place, we're not occupying 'em."

Mal:(ship shakes violently) "Kaylee, what in the spincter o' hell you playing at?"

Mal: "Fear's nothin' to be
ashamed of, doctor."

Simon: "This isn't fear. This
is anger."

Mal: "Well. Kinda hard to tell
one from t'other, face like yours."

Simon: "Well I imagine if it
were fear, my eyes would be wider."

Mal: "Hmm. I'll keep a look
out for that next time."

Mal: "I look out for me and
mine. That don't include you 'less I conjure it does. Now you stuck a thorn in
the Alliance's paw -- that tickles me a bit. But it also means I gotta step
twice as fast to avoid 'em, and that means turnin' down plenty of jobs. Even
honest ones. Put this crew together with the promise of work, which the Alliance
makes harder every year. Come a day there won't be room for naughty men like us
to slip about at all. This job goes south, there well not be another. So here's
us, on the raggedy edge."

Mal: "Hey little one.
Understand your part in all this?"

River: "Do you?"

Mal: "This is what I do, darlin'.
This is what I do."

Mal: "Quit fiddlin'. Have the
boat run smooth when we get back."

Kaylee: "Have faith, Cap'n."

Mal: "Not today."

Simon: "Now River, stay behind
the others. If there's fighting, you drop to the floor and run away." (stage
whispers) "It's okay to leave them to die."

Mal: "Doctor, I'm taking your
sister under my protection here. If anything happens to her, anything at all, I
swear to you, I will get very choked up. Honestly, there could be tears."

Jayne: "Shiny. Let's be bad
guys."

Mal: "Y'all want to be lookin'
very intently at your own bellybuttons. See a head start to rise, violence is
going to ensue. Probably guessed we mean to be thievin' here but what we're
after's not yours, so...let not have no undue fuss."

Zoe:(sliding gun barrel
alongside security guard's face) "You know what the definition of a hero is?
Someone who gets other people killed. You can look it up later."

Zoe:(on mostly empty safe) "At
last. We can retire and give up this life of crime."

Mal: "She is fine! 'Cept for
still bein' crazy she's the picture of health!"

Mal: "Mule won't run with five.
I shoulda dumped the girl, or you, or Jayne? Well, Jayne..."

Zoe: "Sir, I don't disagree on
any particular point. It's just...in a time of war, we would've never left a man
stranded."

Mal: "Maybe that's why we
lost."

Jayne: "I'll kill a man in a
fair fight. Or if I think he's gonna start a fair fight. Or if he bothers me. Or
if there's a woman. Or if I'm gettin' paid. Mostly when I'm gettin' paid."

Jayne: "Eating people alive?
Where's that get fun?"

Kaylee:(clearly upset) "Don't
talk to the barkers, talk to the captains. Look the captain in the eye, know who
you're dealin' with."

Simon: "I wish there was-"
(Mal brushes past, glares)

Kaylee: "Shouldna be so clean.
It's a dead giveaway you don't belong, you always gotta be tidy. Don't pay
anybody in advance. And don't ride in anything with a Capasan-38 engine, they
fall right outta the sky."

Mal: "Kaylee, this is a place of
business. We can talk about Simon-"

Kaylee: "When he's four worlds
away? Or the Alliance gets ahold of him and River?"

Mal: "That ain't my worry. I
gotta finish this job, get us another one. Can't do that carryin' those two."

Kaylee: "How can you be so
cold?"

Zoe: "Cap'n didn't make them
fugitives."

Kaylee: "But he coulda made 'em
family. 'stead of keepin' Simon from seein' I was there. And I carried such a
torch! And we coulda...goin' on a year now and I ain't had nothin' twixt my
nethers weren't run on batteries!"

Mal:(horrified) "Oh
God! I can't know that!"

Jayne: "I could stand to hear
more."

Mal: "Fanti. Mingo."

Mingo: "He's Mingo"

Mal: "He's Fanti, you're Mingo."

Mingo: "How is it you always
know?"

Mal: "Fanti's prettier."

Wash: "Start with the part where
Jayne gets knocked out by a ninety-pound girl, 'cause I don't think that's ever gettin' old."

Simon: "It's a phrase, that
makes her fall asleep. If I speak the words 'eta chora-"

Jayne:(jumps out of his chair) "Don't say it!"

Zoe: "It only works on her,
Jayne."

Jayne: "Well now I know that."

Jayne: "No, not now that she's
a...a killer woman, we oughtta be bringin' her tea and dumplings!"

Mal: "It's of interest to me,
how much you seem to know about that world."

Book: "Wasn't born a Shepherd,
Mal."

Mal: "You'll have to tell me
about that sometime."

Book: "No. I don't."

Wash: "Inara...nice to see her
again."

Zoe:(beat)
"So...trap?"

Mal: "Trap."

Zoe: "We goin' in?"

Mal: "Ain't but a few hours
out."

Wash:(confused) "Yeah,
but...remember the part where it's a trap?"

Mal: "If that's the case then Inara's already caught in it. She wouldn't set us up willin'. Might be we get a
shot at seein' who's turnin' these wheels. We go in."

Kaylee: "But how can you be sure Inara don't just wanna see you? Sometimes people have feelings. I'm referring
here to people."

Mal: "Y'all were watchin', I
take it?"

Kaylee:(everyone looks
guilty) "Yes."

Mal: "Did you see us fight?"

Kaylee: "No."

Mal: "Trap."

Mal: "Zoe, ship is yours.
Remember: if anything happens to me, if you don't hear from me within the hour,
you take the ship -- and you come and you rescue me."

Zoe: "What? Risk my ship?"

Mal:(kneeling at altar, in
disguise) "Dear Buddha: please bring me a pony, and a plastic rocket-"

Inara: "Mal, what are you
doing here?!"

Mal: "Well, you invited me."

Inara: "I never thought for a
second you'd be stupid enough to come!"

Mal: "Well that makes you kind
of a tease, doesn't it?"

Operative: "I have to say,
Captain: I'm impressed that you would come for her yourself. And that you would
make it this far...in that outfit."

Operative: "I have a warship in
deep orbit, Captain. We locked onto Serenity's pulse beacon the moment you hit atmo. I can speak a word and send a missile to that exact location inside of
three minutes."

Mal: "You do that," (pulls
out Serenity's pulse beacon) "you'd best make peace with your dear and
fluffy Lord."

Mal: "I never credited the
Alliance with an overabundance of brains, and if you're the best they've got-"

Operative: "Captain Reynolds,
I should tell you, so that you don't waste your time: you can't make me angry."

Mal: "Ain't all
buttons and charts, little albatross. Know what the first rule of flying is?
Well I s'pose you do, since you already know what I'm 'bout to say."

River: "I do.
But I like to hear you say it."

Mal: "Love. Can
know all the math in the 'verse but take a boat in the air that you don't love?
She'll shake you off just as sure as a turn in the worlds. Love keeps her in the
air when she oughtta fall down...tell you she's hurtin' 'fore she keens...makes
her a home."