I would tell them what their difference was but not label it as a disability. While its not the same, Kaydra had a really bad problem with food coloring. Any food coloring would cause a reaction. She has been lucky enough to improve with it as she has gotten older but she knows that she has to avoid it. No she can't have candy with pretty colors like the other kids. Unless I make it with natural stuff no cake frosting with colors. It completely changed how I shopped. Cooking from scratch anyone? While Kaydra knows she cant have the same things other kids can she has never seen it as a negative. I dont think I would treat a child with a "disability" any different. I dont treat my sister that way and I dont treat my niece that way (though she would know the difference). My mentality is we are only as disabled as we view ourselves. There is a guy in a wheelchair doing tricks on ramps like a skater hes teaching other kids in wheelchairs to be able to do the same. I know this rambled a bit but I think I made sense.

Not only am I a member of the Michelle says my dog is fat club I'm the president!I can Alpha Roll hair!

Yes, I would tell them. Yes, at 12 I would want to know why I couldn't do what others can do if it was related to my disability.

First, the type of disability would be a major consideration as to WHEN I would tell my child. Also, my child's cognitive stage would be a factor as to when I explained it to them.

I find it an interesting question, John, as many of the autistic students I work with are on the extreme end of the autism spectrum, and they tell YOU what their disability is and how YOU need to help them handle it. I would imagine Mom and Dad never really had to discuss anything with them in younger years.

My friend Brennan has CP. His parents gave him the most normal life possible. All the kids in the neighborhood rode bikes, he couldn't because he can't pedal, so his dad bought a riding lawn mower, took the mower deck off and he rode around on that.

It depends SO much on the attitude of the parents in how kids see themselves and their disability. The problem comes when the parents make it an excuse for everything, instead of teaching the child how to fit in and adapt.

Michelle

Inside me is a thin woman trying to get out. I usually shut the bitch up with a martini.

I see the other side of this. A lot of people instill an entitlement mentality in their disabled kids and they grow up assuming that the world owes them everything. If Ray Charles' mother took that tack he never would have achieved what he did.

Disabled kids know they are disabled. Kids are smarter than most adults acknowledge. Just be honest with them and teach them to play the hand they are dealt, but not the sympathy card.

A lot of these "disabilities" are invented. Medicalizing deviance is a great way to control and oppress people who operate differently than the majority. If Leonardo or Van Gogh were born today they would have been put on psych drugs and medicated into "normalcy".

Physical disabilities are a different matter and the only acceptable thing to do is to be honest with the child.

Demo Dick

"My first priority will be to reinstate the assault weapons ban PERMANENTLY as soon as I take office...I intend to work with Congress on a national no carry law, 1 gun a month purchase limits, and bans on all semi-automatic guns."-Barack Obama"When in doubt, whip it out."-Nuge

TheRedQueen wrote:Part of what John is asking...would you take your kid to be *diagnosed* first and foremost, or would you just ignore the warning signs and symptoms.

Obviously anyone who does that is being neglectful (and I don't care about religious tolerance toward Christian Scientists or any of that bullshit-this is one of the few cases where government needs to step in and get the kid to the doctor).

Demo Dick

"My first priority will be to reinstate the assault weapons ban PERMANENTLY as soon as I take office...I intend to work with Congress on a national no carry law, 1 gun a month purchase limits, and bans on all semi-automatic guns."-Barack Obama"When in doubt, whip it out."-Nuge

TheRedQueen wrote:Part of what John is asking...would you take your kid to be *diagnosed* first and foremost, or would you just ignore the warning signs and symptoms.

ABSOLUTELY, I would get a diagnosis. Three or four.

But I know from working with parents, many find it difficult to accept the diagnosis. The parents of my Down's students seem to accept it easier, because it's proven genetics. Chromosomes are messed up. It is what it is....When we have parents of students with disabilities such as ADD, OCD, ODD, lower end of autism, etc, they have a hard time (understandably) grasping that it is "real", so to speak. Many won't accept the services provided and years are lost where they could be helped.

DemoDick wrote:I see the other side of this. A lot of people instill an entitlement mentality in their disabled kids and they grow up assuming that the world owes them everything. If Ray Charles' mother took that tack he never would have achieved what he did.

Disabled kids know they are disabled. Kids are smarter than most adults acknowledge. Just be honest with them and teach them to play the hand they are dealt, but not the sympathy card.

A lot of these "disabilities" are invented. Medicalizing deviance is a great way to control and oppress people who operate differently than the majority. If Leonardo or Van Gogh were born today they would have been put on psych drugs and medicated into "normalcy".

Physical disabilities are a different matter and the only acceptable thing to do is to be honest with the child.

TheRedQueen wrote:Part of what John is asking...would you take your kid to be *diagnosed* first and foremost, or would you just ignore the warning signs and symptoms.

Obviously anyone who does that is being neglectful (and I don't care about religious tolerance toward Christian Scientists or any of that bullshit-this is one of the few cases where government needs to step in and get the kid to the doctor).

I teach kids w/behavioral issues, most have learning disabilities as well. By 14-15 years old (which is way different than 12), I work w/my students on knowing what their weaknesses are, and using the strategies that are most helpful to them. So, kids in my class might ask me depict something graphically on the board, rather than explaining it orally. I also hold them responsible for using the strategies they've learned. But prior to this, it's my job to help them see that everyone has strengths and weaknesses, and that we are not defined by our weaknesses. Kids tend to see only their shortcomings. So, it's important to make clear and overt what other people struggle w/. My class knows I can't catch to save my life, and I don't know my 6,7 and 8 multiplication tables. As they come to realize that other people they respect also have limitations, they start thinking in broader terms, and see themselves in a more positive light.

Leslie H wrote:I teach kids w/behavioral issues, most have learning disabilities as well. By 14-15 years old (which is way different than 12), I work w/my students on knowing what their weaknesses are, and using the strategies that are most helpful to them. So, kids in my class might ask me depict something graphically on the board, rather than explaining it orally. I also hold them responsible for using the strategies they've learned. But prior to this, it's my job to help them see that everyone has strengths and weaknesses, and that we are not defined by our weaknesses. Kids tend to see only their shortcomings. So, it's important to make clear and overt what other people struggle w/. My class knows I can't catch to save my life, and I don't know my 6,7 and 8 multiplication tables. As they come to realize that other people they respect also have limitations, they start thinking in broader terms, and see themselves in a more positive light.

Great post Leslie!!!!

Patch O' Pits Pursuit-O-Perfection

Run Hard at the Rainbow Bridge My Angel Sock-M! I Love You Baby Girl! Now that your Mom Starlit is up there too, please help her learn the ropes, love and keep her company until I can see you both again. Starlit I love you!http://i14.tinypic.com/2a8q345.jpg

Is there a chance the child already knows or suspects the situation? With the internet at your fingertips, you can learn a lot about causes for every little thing happening to you or your body; and kids are even more tech savvy than most adults. It can be a little daunting, especially for a hypochondriac.

Seriously, though, a lot of self diagnosing can be done online. And it can be distressing to find out some of these things online rather than from family or a physician. You can also make yourself crazy wondering if you do or don't have a condition based on self diagnosis online. I've been through this myself as an adult looking up childhood conditions online and learning a lot of what's wrong with me by reading it online. Some of which was very hard to learn and accept. Then, as an adult, contacting a doctor to confirm my self diagnosis and having the doctor be surprised that I wasn't informed of these things as a child/teen. I can only imagine what it would be like to be a kid wondering what, if anything, was wrong with me and not having anyone to turn to.

I highly recommend watching an episode of Home Improvement called The Longest Day. One of the kids goes to the doctor for a physical and they end up taking blood because they think he may have cancer. The parents don't tell him about it but he senses something is wrong and looks it up online. He becomes very upset that his parents didn't tell him about it, even though their defense was they didn't want to worry him until they had the test results back.

I guess what I'm getting at is that it's unfair (almost criminal, IMO) to keep a kid in the dark about something that is going to affect them for their lifetime. Particularly if there's a chance of getting the kid help or maybe even slowing the progress of the disease if he knows about it early on. It can lead to some very hard feelings towards the parent when the child does find out; which is bound to happen eventually.

To clear things up more...this is John's nephew. John has MD, and his sister is a carrier (so are John's daughters...and the older one knows this). His sister had a 50-50 chance of having a son with MD. She had two sons: one son does not show outward signs of having MD, but the younger son does. He has all of the signs and symptoms that John had/has...but is more advanced than John was at his age. His sister has said that she will NOT get her kids tested...she doesn't want them to be labeled...like "those people". Yes, she said that to her disabled brother.

"I don't have any idea if my dogs respect me or not, but they're greedy and I have their stuff." -- Patty Ruzzo

"Dogs don't want to control people. They want to control their own lives." --John Bradshaw