Love Languages

The Importance of Love Languages – What is my primary love language?

Relationships often fail because one or both partners start to fall “out of love”.

After those initial “fallen-in-love feelings” (when both partners are speaking the other’s Love Language!), one might soon feel that their partner no longer loves them as much as they used to.

Hence the importance of Love Languages – but what are they?

Imagine we each have an emotional fuel tank inside, and when our fuel tank runs low, we need to refuel, right? But just like with your car, we have a preference for which fuel we use to top up.

When your partner shows his or her love in the way that you like and need, then it’s as if they have topped up your emotional gas tank with your preferred fuel.

The “fuel” you prefer to top up your emotional fuel tank is your primary love language.

There are 5 Love Languages and knowing what yours and your partner’s primary Love Language can help you give and receive love and appreciation

So what are the love languages?

Receiving Gifts

Some people feel loved when they receive a gift, and the more expensive the gift, the more cherished they feel. That’s why Tiffany’s exists, and Louis Vuitton! These people are GIFTS people.

Words of Affirmation

Others feel loved when their partner says nice things to them, such as “Thankyou” or “I really appreciate that”. These people are WORDS people, as their ears like to hear words of affirmation. Because their ears play such an important part in feeling loved, WORDS people are typically very sensitive to tone.

Some WORDS people in fact don’t actually need to receive praise or hear great things said about them. They just need the ABSENCE of criticism or of sarcasm. Or the absence of an irritable tone.

Physical Touch

Physical people feel loved when they have lots of physical touch, such as holding hands, hugging, being stroked, or receiving a massage or foot rub from their partner.

It is much more than just sex.

Physical people like to snuggle while watching TV, and if they are in bed, like to be in some form of embrace when they fall asleep. If not touching, they feel NOT LOVED.

Acts of Service

Another way a person may feel loved is when someone does something nice for them, simple things, like driving them to work, or mowing the grass.

If their partner does something nice for them without being asked, then an Acts of Service person feels very much loved. Only having to ask once – and having the job done – will also leave an Acts person feeling loved.

However, if an Acts of Service person has to ask repeatedly for something to be done, they get resentful because they feel the other person is not just ignoring them, they no longer love them.

Time Together

Time together to communicate and reconnect is how some people like to spend this time. Yet there are some who don’t need to talk – they just feel content and loved being together with their partner, sharing the same space. This might be going shopping together, or gardening together, going for a bike ride or a walk, or simply working quietly at their own computer but together in the same office.

BUT WHY ARE THEY CALLED LOVE LANGUAGES?

OK – good question. Let’s say I am a GIFTS person. I feel loved when I receive a gift. Therefore it makes sense that I would show my love to you by giving YOU a gift, right? That’s a no brainer. It’s effortless for me to show my love to you by giving you a gift, because that’s what means a lot to me.

BUT if YOU are not a GIFTS person, then my expression of love falls on deaf ears. I’m telling you I love you, but you are not hearing the message, because I’m not speaking your Love Language. This is the reason a husband may genuinely love his wife, but she will report that she doesn’t FEEL loved.

In order for your partner to feel loved you have to speak his or her Love Language.