Tuesday, October 08, 2013

Master Reset

Man, this has been one hell of a year.

Shortly after I wrote my last post, a lot of things happened at once. Most of them happened inside my head.

I was completely miserable in that job. The one thing that I'd been working towards in the eight years of living in France was, in fact, a huge mistake. One of the reasons I was so unhappy before that job is that I was absolutely the kind of person that defines themselves by what they do for a living. I knew I wasn't a Stay-at-Home-Mom. Therefore, I must be a successful office-type person.

But, no. I found myself at a conference in Paris, surrounded by office-type people talking about banal office-type things, and I thought, "what the hell am I doing with these people? This is not my place." But I'd committed to it. Stéphane's transfer had been granted, and like it or not, we were moving to Reims.

And then, my job exploded. The post ended up being not at all what I'd applied for, but I soldiered on. Instructions changed every few days, work was piled up, and still I soldiered on. Finally, my work started to slip, mistakes were made, instructions continued to change and work continued to pile up. I couldn't sleep anymore, I was constantly sick with stress, Fry cried everyday, and so did I.

I finally cracked.

I quit my job. My doctor put me on medication because I couldn't deal. (There is more to this, but more than I'm willing to say in a public space, to be honest.) I literally stared at walls for hours on end. The only things I could handle were playing FarmVille and sleeping.

Slowly, the fog started to clear. I started to realize that, in my head, landing a full time office position was the equivalent of happiness - the last time things made sense was before I moved here, and I worked full time, and I had friends and activities and a life.

But the truth is, I'm not the same person that I was in 2004. I don't see the world the same, and I don't have the same ambitions. I'm a mother. I've rediscovered my creative side. And, most importantly, I don't have to define myself by the job title on my paycheck.

I picked up an old business idea of turning my original embroidery into kits I could sell online. Since May I've been stitching pretty much non-stop. In the meantime, this past summer, we packed up our things, spent a week in Pas-de-Calais, and then we moved to Reims. Within the first week we knew we'd made the right choice. Everything just makes more sense here, whereas in Tiny Town everything seemed to be a struggle, like we were constantly fighting against the tide. Fry is settling down in his new school and continues to surprise us every single day.

And now I'm relaunching Suis le fil. I've started an Indiegogo campaign to raise the funds to do it right, with the correct equipment and design. I'm really proud of it and I've already had some positive feedback. I'm still looking for a part time job to hold me over until I can really get my business up and running. I'd love it if you'd consider checking out that page and maybe share it around a bit.

Thanks, to every single one of you, that have continued to check out this site, that have reached out to me, that support and encourage me. Y'all are the best, ever. xoxo

2 comments:

It's great to hear an update! As an overly ambitious mother of a little boy, I can really relate & I'm so sorry to hear how rough your year was. your project looks awesome so I'm going to share your link all over the place! I hope that sounds something you love will give you more satisfaction.

Who's that girl?

Born on Long Island, raised in Florida, but a Carolina girl at heart, Vivi married Stéphane in 2004, moved to his native Champagne, and has been highly confused ever since. They were joined by their son, French Fry, on November 2, 2008.