Tag Archives: light

January of 2014, I was so excited to be back serving at a ministry. No more long days of staring at my computer screen working on projects I cared little or nothing about, and had seemingly no eternal value!

I poured myself into the students around me. My official work hours were Monday-Friday, 8-5pm, but actually, I was there from 8am-8pm, or 9pm… or 10pm.

“Are you sure you’re taking enough time off and getting enough rest? You could go to the dorm and get some time to yourself.” – I remember Mr. Matt asking me that so many times, and each time I replied “Why would I want to go home? I’m happy to be here, and being alone would be boring.”

Days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months, and by September my brain finally caught up with my body long enough to shout into it’s stubborn ear “STOP IT! I’m TIRED.” – I had hit a wall. I didn’t want to be “on” all the time.

I wanted quiet. I wanted an off switch. I found a needed haven in three good friends who were also physically and emotionally spent. We relaxed together, shared together, prayed & fellowshipped together… we bonded, and they became some of my dearest friends. (In fact, this past June I married one of them! ^_^) The time we spent was a blessing. I had found an oasis in the dessert, and God used it to bless the rest of my life!

BUT… as 2015 began, my job changed drastically. I was no longer teaching in the classroom, I was working in the office. I was excited to finally work on my many projects uninterrupted! – My hours also changed in a good way that helped me to stop on time.

Unfortunately, it also meant that I wouldn’t be joining a family group in the morning, but I thought it would be okay. [I didn’t need the accountability of a family group to make sure I did my morning devotions, right?] Well, maybe if I had been spiritually healthy at the beginning, that would have been true — but I wasn’t, so it wasn’t.
My quiet times got shorter, and fewer, and more haphazard.

Moreover, I began to avoid human interaction. I didn’t want to be constantly surrounded by people, or be responsible for what was taking place, or be involved in the game over at that table, or go to the movies with that group, or go out of my way to build relationships …I was purposely backing myself into a job that entailed [long days of staring at my computer screen working on projects] again!What was wrong with me? I had always cared about people!

I’d like to say that when I realized what was happening, I prayed and got right back on track! But… that would be a lie. I have prayed, but I’m still in the mire. Mostly by choice. Simple choices like hitting the snooze button “just one more time”, and working on my projects “just 5 minutes longer”.

The most amazing part of all of this, is that I have never once felt that God has left me – that He has behaved toward me as I have toward Him. While I have ignored Him; choose sleep, work, and just about everything else over a conversation with Him, He has never failed me yet.

I find it so unimaginable — because, if I were Jesus, I would have cut me off months ago — then again, I keenly sense that this is the very grace I have long known and am merely tasting again, afresh. He is continuing to give me what I do not deserve. Himself.

By His hand, I see a light at the end of this tunnel… not because He’s going to make me climb out of this mess I’ve made for myself by myself (which is what I would probably do if I had such an ungrateful servant!), but by simply reaching up to grasp the hand He has continually had extended toward me all along. – By spending time WITH HIM.

He is so faithful. So kind. We serve a Good Master.

“1 I waited patiently for the LORD; he inclined to me and heard my cry. 2 He drew me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog, and set my feet upon a rock, making my steps secure. 3 He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God. Many will see and fear, and put their trust in the LORD.

11 As for you, O LORD, you will not restrain your mercy from me; your steadfast love and your faithfulness will ever preserve me! 12 For evils have encompassed me beyond number; my iniquities have overtaken me, and I cannot see; they are more than the hairs of my head; my heart fails me.

17 As for me, I am poor and needy, but the Lord takes thought for me. You are my help and my deliverer; do not delay, O my God!”

Last Christmas was the most difficult Christmas I’ve ever experienced. I was a team leader in Taiwan, juggling responsibilities of team, family, and friends. My sister had recently lost her first child in a late, painful miscarriage. My family was visiting, but instead of a joyful reunion and celebration, we were all in mourning; our celebration muffled by our loss. Christmas Day was spent going numbly from one activity to the next. To sum up last Christmas in a phrase: dark sorrow.

This Christmas, I experienced the best of both worlds in Taiwan and America. I spent all the anticipation of Christmas in Taiwan with my sister and her husband, waiting for their second child Lórien to be born. I arrived in the States the day before Christmas Eve and spent Christmas day preparing and eating a joyous feast with the rest of my family. For the first time in three years, I spent Christmas in my childhood home looking out at piles of snow. This Christmas in a phrase: joyful light.

In the stillness and sorrow of last Christmas, a refrain echoed “God with us.”
In the activity and joy of this Christmas, that refrain still echoes.

By contrasting these two Christmases, I have started to see the bittersweet nature of the first Christmas, when we celebrate God coming down to be with us. At the time of Jesus’ advent, Israel was under foreign rule that had lasted for 400 years. Ancient prophecies spoke of a virgin conceiving and giving birth to a son whose name would be called Immanuel–”God with us”.

The joyous occasion of Jesus’ arrival was muffled like my family’s last Christmas. A jealous, insane king searched for the Baby to kill him before He even grew up and slaughtered the baby boys of Bethlehem. It is likely that the shepherds who had witnessed the glory of God shining around them and seen the Child themselves suffered the heartbreaking, dark sorrow of losing their own children.

I have a friend that I have been mentoring for the last year and a half who has struggled with drug addiction for many years. He has moved around a few times to help him steer clear of former drug dealers and various influences from his past, all while he’s worked hard to try to rebuild his life. It’s been awesome to see him respond to God’s grace over the last few months, but an interesting situation occurred last month that has really tested him. After he made a purchase at an electronics store, he went to his home and waited for the product to be delivered. Showing up at his doorstep with the product he had purchased was a former drug dealer who was also working for the electronics company. This drug dealer not only began to try making some re-connections, but he also now had access to all of my friend’s personal information (through the computers at the electronics store). So tell me, are situations like this merely coincidence, is God just out to test us, or is there something more sinister going on behind the scenes?

We talk a lot at VOICE about how real our God is, but do you live your life with the awareness that you have a very real enemy as well? Satan wants to snuff out your life! If he can’t do that, then he wants to work his hardest to ensure that you are not able to walk truly in the Light of Gospel. Situations like my friend encountered are a stark reminder to me that there is no such thing as coincidence. Are you going to tell me that in a town of 100,000 people the one person you don’t want on your doorstep “just happens” to show up?

One note of caution: I’ll be the first to tell you that just because temptations and trials come, I don’t believe that indicates that there is a demon hiding behind every tree (Luke has some good thoughts on this very topic). Not only is that mentality nowhere in Scripture, but I also know the state of my own heart and what I naturally gravitate towards.

However, here’s the challenge: as we know, just believing that God is real does not really get you too far. The demons believe, and they’re even freaked out by the knowledge (James 2:19). If your eyes have been opened to the truth of the Gospel, you’re going to try to live it out. The same point exists regarding our enemy. Do you believe that Satan is real? That’s nice…so, what are you doing about it?

“Be well balanced (temperate, sober of mind), be vigilant and cautious at all times; for that enemy of yours, the devil, roams around like a lion roaring [in fierce hunger], seeking someone to seize upon and devour.” (1 Peter 5:8 AMP)

Silence. The darkness didn’t go away. In fact, it didn’t even budge. For hours the man ranted and raved against the darkness in the room, but the darkness never wavered.

Finally another man walked into the room. He did not scream and curse the darkness. Instead, he walked resolutely across the room and turned on the light. The darkness was gone.

Sometimes I get so frustrated with the evil in the world that all I do is complain about how dark the darkness is. There are so many issues that I can get upset about, but there is only one solution: Jesus, the Light of the world.

A few days ago, as I was reading in the Gospel of John, I was excited to find Jesus’ description of how He “turned the light on” for the world.

“If I had not come and spoken unto them, they had not had sin: but now they have no cloak for their sin.
“If I had not done among them the works which none other man did, they had not had sin…” John 15:22, 24a

Jesus spoke and lived in a way that set Him apart from everyone else. However, Jesus was not just trying to be unique. The purpose of His set apart life was so people would know that they had sin. Unless light shines into a room, there is no way to tell what is in the room. Similarly, unless the light of Christ shines into a person’s life, that person will never know the true state of their heart or see their need.

Think back to the day you accepted Jesus as your Savior. Think about how different your life would be now if you had never done that. I remember what I was like. I remember feeling miserably hopeless – and I grew up in a Christian family! I would never have had peace, I would never have gone to VOICE, and my life would be a wreck right now if it weren’t for Jesus in me.

“But after that the kindness and love of God our Saviour toward man appeared” (Titus 3:4). No one becomes a Christian without the kindness and love of God “appearing” to him. That’s “turning the light on!”

As we learn to see unsaved people the way God sees them (see Joel’s post for more on this), let’s look for ways to “turn the light on” for them. How can we speak and live in a way that will shine Jesus, the Light of the world, into the lives of others?