NFL Top and Bottom Teams: Week 4

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Power rankings. You hate them. They’re so arbitrary and pointless, especially when they include all 32 NFL teams. All you want to know after a good week of NFL action is who the bestest team in the NFL is right now, and which one is the absolute barrel-scraping worst.

That’s why we’re bringing you this experimental new feature, where we go to great lengths to tell you who’s the top dog in football right now, this very minute. LET’S GO!

NFL Cheerleaders: Super Bowl Edition

I know they beat up on the team you’ll be reading about at the bottom of this post, but the Jets seems to get better every single week, which is exactly what you want to see out of a team during the year. They’ve now won three in a row after that rusty opening loss to Baltimore. What’s more, their offensive line is AWESOME, so much so that they can make LaDainian Tomlinson actually look useful once more.

And after four games, Mark Sanchez has eight touchdowns and no interceptions. He’s making Dustin Keller into a top flight tight end and it now appears that, shockingly, he may be an MVP candidate. That sounds insane given his Baltimore game, but it’s becoming reality. With that line and that defense, I put the Jets over Pittsburgh and Baltimore, who also deserve consideration.

What’s so awful about the Bills being putrid is that we all saw it coming from a mile away.

It’s not like the terrible seasons that Carolina and San Francisco are both having. I think we’re all a little surprised those teams are winless. But the Bills? No, we all KNEW the Bills would be horrible, and with little hope of turning it around now, or even in years to come. They have no QB. They have a washed-up retread at coach. They have no line. Their Canadian visa is still being processed. They’re just so bleakly awful.

Not like Detroit, which is playing hard and appears to have something of a future despite an 0-4 start. No, the Bills’ 0-4 is the MOST 0-4 of all the 0-4 starts. They are the bottom, and I suspect they’ll be here for a little bit. Make yourselves comfortable, boys. Would you care for a Cheese Doodle?