The Magic Of Christmas

There’s a chill in the air, and there are colorful lights and baubles around every corner. I nearly fainted when I saw Rudolph’s girlfriend had spent the night in the neighbor’s yard across the street. Mom told me to be very quiet so as not to disturb her. I tiptoed up close to the edge of the sidewalk, and sniffed. I gave a tiny “boof” and she never moved. Brave little thing, I thought. I marked my spot in case she woke up. I wanted her to know she’d had a visitor. She was certainly a lovely thing.

Down the block, there was a stately cactus with a Santa hat on its tallest “arm”. Odd. Just odd. Around the corner, there were more of the same. I wonder…do they sell cactus hats this time of year? The man at the end of the street bought nine. He must shop at the dollar store. Chortle!

I looked in the windows of lots of houses, and people had trees growing in their living rooms, decorated with tiny lights and colored balls. One was turning on a pedestal, and one was twinkling like the stars in the sky. Some had packages wrapped in pretty paper underneath. One reached all the way to the ceiling. One was enclosed in what looked like a big dog crate. I figured they had a cat! HAH!!! One yard had a statue of Mary and Joseph, and a cradle with a baby in it. Mom took me up really close, and I heard her say, “Thank you, Jesus, God bless us all.” I saw a tear roll down her cheek as she paused for a moment before we left.

We headed down the street and around the final corner toward home. I saw my steady, Eddie’s yard with a decorated tree in the front. It’s the tree he squitzles on several times a day, but it was lit up all bright and shiny. I heard his mom tell him, “No tinkles…just twinkles allowed during the holidays.”

And all of a sudden, a big bright light lit up half the street. I put on the brakes, and stared as I tried to make out what the heck I was seeing. There was the biggest, fattest Santa that I’ve ever seen, laying all stretched out in bed. Now, I’ve heard this dude was a big guy, but if you think this boy was ever going to get his fat hiney down a chimney, you’ve got another think coming! I barked…but he didn’t move. I barked several times…and nothing. I thought he was dead…but mom said he was just really fast asleep. She kept tugging on the leash to get me to walk past him. It was a struggle, to say the least. I kept giving him the royal side eye all the way around him.

And then…OMG…there it was…an OUTHOUSE! The Fat boy’s kid was in there doin’ his thing!!! I went NUTZOID!!! Just as I got close, the outhouse door would open, and Fat Boy’s kid would stick his head out. He’d stand there and stare at me, and then, the he would disappear behind the door again. I couldn’t stop barking. Mom couldn’t stop laughing, and Fat Boy’s kid wouldn’t stop doing his thing. I think he belongs on Santa’s naughty list. Harrumph! Things have finally calmed down, but mom is taking a different route now. I wish you all the Magic of Christmas this year and hope your holidays are filled with peace, love and joy.

I must retreat to the sunshine for a well deserved rest. Call me when dinner is served.