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Like the rest of his Gensokyo life, things looked like they weren’t getting anywhere.

“... Why are we doing this, again?”

“Mistress said she is interested in sharing tea and a bit of time with you”, Sakuya made everything sound as it was a very simple matter to be dealt with as quickly as possible, “I am therefore making sure you are acceptable before you can see her”

“... Why just me?”

Mokuren wasn’t really pissed, he could hardly find himself being angry at any of the Gensokyo girls in spite of all that could be happening, still... She could have turned when he was undressing.

At least she didn’t say something in the lines of “Wow, you’re flatter than Marisa” like some Kouhaku wearer...

“Mistress knows the rest of the troupe already, you are the only one she is unfamiliar with, and she says she doesn’t want you to feel uncomfortable wearing clothes you weren’t given a choice about”, she then shot a dreadful glance to the folded Konkuro on the chair.

Well, thanks but I’m not exactly being given a choice here, either. He sighed, of course trying to reason would’ve been wasted effort, “So, am I a Scarlet maid now?”

“Temporarily so”.

”Temporarily” never sounded as unhealthy as it did before I was stranded here; that was his second “temporary” assignement already. Was he to become a “temporary” death god next?

Considering the hard-working reputation of the non-temporary one, he really hoped not.

The so-called “tea room” was cozy enough as to redefine the entire concept of “cozy” and make all other such uses of that adjective retroactively out of place when applied to anything different. There she was, Remilia Scarlet, looking several years younger than him, poised like she had hundred more and behaving in a way that mixed the two things to the extent she was both cute and deadly at the same time, but enough of the first to make Mokuren forget about the dangers of the latter.

Alice and Marisa weren’t there, of course, they’d have made things too noisy for Remilia’s tastes, not to mention their extreme lack of etiquette, especially when paired together. Mokuren offered to have Ruukoto stick with them and make sure they didn’t do anything too dangerous (wasted effort, but it’s the heart that counts); Patchouili had Koakuma stick with them too.

Also, for some reason, Patchouili was present at the table. This must be something serious, for her to sacrifice so much precious time, or maybe she was just a tea whore like Reimu.

Naaah.

“Mistress, I have brought you Meimu, as you required”. Oh, yeah, that Meimu thing. Surprising how good Gensokyo inhabitants are at misnaming people.

“Awww... She looked better in a Konkuro!”, was Flandre’s almost disappointed comment.

... Wait. Flandre?

“I think maid uniforms suit her fine, too”, Remilia conceded, “Hmm, it’d be nice if you could become my maid”

“Uh... Thanks”, he honestly didn’t know what to say. Flandre? he was too busy thinking, The ultimate harbinger of utterly random and ridiculously overpowered destruction? And I’m in the same room she is in? This can’t be good..., “But if I did, Reimu might be angry that she lost an assistant...”

“Truly a pity”, her words didn’t belong to such a girl, unless she was the kind of girl that was so smart and well-mannered that she could only come out as twice as cute than another one who wasn’t. Mokuren’s Moe Antibodies were having the toughest time of their lives, and the emergency Hello, this is your self-preservation instinct. These girls could kill you dead before you could scream “LOLI” wasn’t as effective as he expected.

“I heard your story from Flandre”, Remilia continued, “It is most interesting to hear of a random human being from the outside world to survive Gensokyo. Honestly, you are faring better than the resident inhabitants do”.

“That sword...”, Patchouili said while looking at the sheathed weapon Mokuren was holding in his hands, “You know of its power already, don’t you?”

“Oh, this?”, he looked down at it, “Well, yes, I kind of figured out already. 125 attack power, +3 int, you just can’t go wrong”

“Did its special power keep you alive? You have faced more than one youkai already”

He chuckled, “Yes... It did, even thought I think I survived my first encounter because of Yukari’s sick plans, whatever they might be. As for the rest...”, he paused, trying to find the words, “I think I survived because the sword used its power on me, rather than on others”

Yeah, I guess so. Good thing I’m a big RO fan, telling that sword from the other stuff was probably my wisest choice.

“Which brings us to our topic”, Remilia leaned on the table, looking at Mokuren with these cute, but creepy, red eyes of hers, “It appears that all your hopes of returning to your home world depend on Yukari”

“Well... Yes, being she’s the youkai of boundaries and all”, he blinked, why the questioning? Was she taking interest in his situation? If so, did he have to be happy about it? I suspect not...

“But, correct me if I’m wrong, you don’t seem to be able to find her”.

Damn.

“Uh... Well, she seems... Busy with something. Reimu’s been looking for her but-”

“Hey, Meimu, why don’t you stay with us while you wait for her to pop out?”, was Flandre’s honest inquiry.

Flandre looked even younger than Remilia, which made her so loli that looking at her was just plain wrong and could get Mokuren jailed. Gensokyo probably didn’t have jails, but that didn’t make things better.

“Uh...”, he carefully weighted the words in his head before answering, one half-wrong answer and this mansion will be nuked from orbit, “I would love to. However, I... Uh... Have friends to check on in the other world, so...”, he paused, “... I may come visit every once in a while”

“Actually, we have no interest in keeping you”, Remilia answered, adding “Even if visiting once in a while would be fine”, just to counter the pouting Flandre was putting up, “As a matter of fact, I intend to help you out, Meimu”.

“Uh...”

“You are a bit like Reimu’s twin, except you’re the good twin in spite of what your clothing may indicate”, yeah, she’s right. I’m not the one who goes around saying “let’s shoot down random fairies until the problems solve themselves”, “Since the Hakurei border is strongly tied to members of the Hakurei clan, it is safe to elaborate that Reimu and her blood relatives could possibly have the ability to cross it. Reimu herself, however, has no interest to, and I understand part of her job is to make sure it doesn’t happen in the first place”, her wry smile was in part reassuring and friendly, but in the other part that Moku’s non-blarg im ded brain could recognize, she was plotting beyond the mortal ability to accept, “However, Yukari is prone to pulling such pranks, wether to bring fresh food for other youkai (or even herself) or just because”.

“I see...”, he blinked, trying to see a solution he could like, “So, you’re saying that in a pinch, Reimu alone could help me go back home?”

“No, Meimu. I’m saying that when you’ll be ready, you won’t need to”

“Wha-?”

“Yukari is unpredictable at best”, Patchouili chimed in, in spite of her perpetually bored expression, her words betrayed her interest in the subject, “But Reimu has some power over the border, and she has Hakurei blood, which gives her an edge over the Hakurei border that Yukari doesn’t possess in spite of her power. Also, given the speed at which your abilities are developing, I dare say you may have a trace of Hakurei blood in you”

“Eh? Ah ah ah... No, no, that’s impossible”, Mokuren chuckled, “I assure you it’s really impossible. In the world I live in, the place the Hakurei clan can possibly come from and the place where I do are too far. There’s no way I can trace my ascendance to the Hakurei clan”

“Maybe you’re right”, says Remilia, “Still, you are a very interesting individual, and I think your arrival in Gensokyo carries a meaning beyond the prank of a Youkai with a warped sense of humor”.

He could feel it, she was pulling the red strings of fate to and from him, and who knows what else, damn her ability to manipulate fate, how the heck am I supposed to go back home if she uses me for her... What is she using me for, by the way?.

“Meimu, Meimu, are you going to kick Yukari in the butt?”, Flandre looked excited at the idea, “Because if you are, I wanna come too!”

“Uh... I would like her to be able to... Do things after convincing her”, even thought convincing her might involve ass-kicking, he thought, especially if Reimu’s concept of diplomacy comes into play, “But I really appreciate your help, you’re really a good girl”.

They smiled at each other, and whatever Flandre was thinking, Mokuren’s train of thoughts was please please please don’t get me in a love-type relationship with her, please please please I don’t want to die young.

Luckily, Remilia interrupted them again, “I’m sure Flandre and you would get along very well, but I want Patchouili to be the one who will accompany you”

“... Mistress?”, she said, out of uninterested shock, “Why should I? She has enough company already”

“Well, if Patchouili doesn’t want, there’s no need to force her”, he said, trying to be diplomatic, “It’d be nice if she would, thought; it’s almost as if we’re forming some sort of sentai... Eh eh eh. United to kick the lazy Yukari for the good of Gensokyo, it’d be nice”.

Patchouili paused, seeing something in Mokuren that she didn’t notice before. She had already opened her mouth to say something, but then she closed it, thinking deeply and very intently on what was being said.

“... Well”, she toughly let through, “Let’s say I... Maybe I could have the chance to... Better study this girl, after all”.

TSUNDERE!, Mokuren was about to violently nosebleed.

“Uh... Well, thanks Patchouili, that’s very kind of you...”. It was getting hot in there; either that, or his Moe Antibodies were about to collapse.

“Very well”, Remilia smiled, “If I know Yukari well, and I think I have a hunch for this ‘evil mastermind’ thing, she will soon return for you to question. If it’s Reimu you’re waiting for, you may be able to see her before tomorrow. If you are to battle, it’s all the time you have to prepare”

“Uh...”

“I trust you are ready?”

“Uh...”

“Are you good at fighting, Meimu?”, Flandre was adding something to Remilia’s smirk that Mokuren couldn’t perceive as anything different from great, I’m screwed.

“I... I still can’t do spellcards, actually”

“It’s no worry, Patchouili will teach you”

“... Mistress?”

“She is very good with spells, she has several herself, she is the best teacher you can have”

Moku and Patchu looked at each other for a long moment, then they both turned at Remilia.

“Well... Thanks, Remilia”

“Oh, I’m glad I have been of help”, now her smile looked everything but reassuring... Even thought there still was, in fact, a part of it that looked honest. Honestly helpful, that is. “Sakuya-san, please escort Meimu and her friends out, the time for visits is due to finish soon”.

“Yes, mistress”.

Flying home after a long day of work and excitement (and the constant threat to life that comes from being a stranger in Gensokyo) was particularly relaxing, especially after having returned to more comfortable clothes, even thought they were a Konkuro, and even though they were for the wrong gender.

I guess it’s because of the armpits, he mused, Bare armpits are what Toho is all about.

That, and there was the constant chattering of his adventuring party.

To get a better glimpse of the situation, we assume that Mokuren is the party leader, a level 4 miko, with a special “shikigami” slot for his robot maid, Ruukoto, a level 30 robot maid.

Second slot must obviously be Marisa, a level 70 epic but ordinary black magician, whose MPs didn’t fit the string limit. Third slot was then Alice, a level 60 puppeteer, with special slots for her level 30 dolls, Shanghai and Hourai.

Fourth was Patchouili, lazily following them along. Level 70 epic wizard of the week, with a special shikigami slot for Koakuma, a level 30 devil.

Although with serious h4xs for separate servant slots, it was an ordinary 4-adventurers party.

Yes, surprisingly enough, not only Patchouili was following them around, but Koakuma was coming with her. Outside.

“Miss Patchouili, are you sure you don’t want me to keep watch over the library? There may be intruders, and I won’t be able to keep the books in order...”, Koakuma didn’t look too happy herself; or rather: she was happy to be with Patchu, but obviously felt she was cheating on her job, “W-what if someone barges in to steal something while we’re out?”

“There’s only two people that would do that, and they’re in front of us”, was Patchu’s straightforward answer, “Don’t worry, Koakuma, it’s ok”.

“B-but, mistress...”, she looked a little down, as if ashamed to reveal something, “I... I want to be useful to you, as a servant, I...”

“You are being useful”, Patchu answered in her usual tone, but with a strangely kind pitch, “You are escorting your mistress out. If you’re with me, I don’t have to fear about anemia dragging me down. I know I can count on you, Koakuma”, she offered her a hand, “Come, the earlier we get done, the earlier we can return to our library”.

The little devil’s eyes shone with admiration, and she took her mistress’ hand with a gleeful smile, “Yes, mistress!”.

“Hey, are you ok, ze?”

Mokuren snapped out of it in time to realize he was losing height, “Y-yes... Yes, I’m fine”

“You sure?”, Alice didn’t look so sure, “Your face is all red, maybe you have a fever”

“M-maybe. Well, it’s spring, it’s normal, it’ll just pass... Ah ah ah”, Mokuren coughed, they were clear signs of yuri overload, he didn’t feel like that since he watched seven episodes of Strawberry Panic in one day, he knew the feeling very well.

When they landed in the courtyard of the Hakurei shrine, they found Reimu reading the Bunbunmaru News. She didn’t look surprised, she looked so shocked to see six people and two dolls coming at her at the same time that she couldn’t find an expression to fit her feelings.

“Just tell me one thing”, she said when they were all lined in front of her, “You’re not all going to sleep over at my place”

“We are”

“Mokuren, your debt is tripled”

“Why me?”

“Who’s Mokuren?”

Oh, yeah, he thought, Patchu thinks I’m really Meimu, and I’m pretty sure Alice forgot about when I introduced myself; yet, for some reason, Reimu was folding her paper and looking straight at him, amongst all the others.

“I suppose I’ll have you explain later all the funny adventures you’ve been having while I was busy for your sake. Is everyone here for the reason I think they are?”

He looked at his adventuring party, “More or less”

“Good, then I guess it won’t hurt to tell everyone”, she stood up, “Yukari was away, so in the meanwhile I tried to find emergency routes in case we can’t find her, or we can’t get her to cooperate”, she glanced at everyone, “Althought if we’re really all here for the reason we think we are, there shouldn’t be problem in convincing her to do so”

Somehow, I don’t feel like ganging up to gank Yukari is a fine idea, Reimu..., he sighed, but at least, the more I have in the front line to prevent damage to myself, the better. He wasn’t thinking that magical attacks deal full damage to both front and rear line, the fool.

“This is such a bother”, Patchouili couldn’t have expressed her feelings better, “There has never been this much trifle for sending people back to the other side, has the Hakurei border become lazy like its miko?”

“You’ll agree with me that an alien, gender-challenged girl that befriends youkai and learns danmaku combat in four days is a new sight in Gensokyo, previous cases don’t hold ground on this”

“That’s the only reason I am here”, if she had glasses, Patchu would be adjusting them now, “My mistress feels that this case warrants special attention, and of course I’ll make sure you won’t screw up anywhere”

“So, should I too... Stick to you?”, Patchu didn’t seem to look forward to that.

“Magicians and bookworms are different”

“Ah ah ah... Stop team-killing, please”, Mokuren tried to intervene before the situation escalated to a fight that could nuke the whole Hakurei shrine apart, “Our objective now is to pwn Yukari and take her stuff, so no friendly fire until then”

“Wouldn’t Reimu alone be enough for this? She and Yukari are presumably buddies, they should be fine fighting one-on-one”, Alice was still trying to look for execuses not to fight, and possibly stick as close to Marisa as possible in the meantime, “There’s no need for everyone to go over there, we don’t owe Reimu anything”

“Ah... Actually...”, Mokuren coughed, damn, they’re good at making me feel guilty, “It’s all my fault. I should be the one to go there, but since there’s no way I can pwn Yukari, Reimu is helping me out in case she’s uncooperative. It’s not her fault, really”

“Then I’ll just blame it on you. It doesn’t change anything in the end”. Wow, thanks Alice, now I really feel better.

“Don’t say that, ze. Thanks to me, Meimu’s much stronger now”, Marisa didn’t miss the chance to brag, “All she needs is learn spellcards and she can go on her own, ze”

“She’s already good on her own. Except not on danmaku”, Reimu sighed, “Well, if we hurry, we should be able to go to Maiyoga and return before night, so we can be done with it already (and I won’t have you sleep at my place)”

“You go with your miko. Mikos stick together, magicians stick with their own”, and Alice tightened her grip on Marisa.

“Oh, come on, girls!”, Mokuren, for once, stepped forward in spite of the dangers to his life in doing so, “Lazy is ok, lazy is moe, tsundere is moe, but this is too much! I mean, what the heck should be waiting for? Something fishy is going on and nobody’s doing something, where’s all the battle and drama going to pour out from? Where’s the chances for sudden yuri if nobody does anything? Where’s this story going to go if we all sit here and talk about what a bother I am? I mean, seriously, where’s the Gensokyo StrikerS where we need ‘em?”

Long moments of silence passed, it must have been the first time he spoke like that, and the girls must’ve been terribly unused to hear somebody else talk to them like that. As a matter of fact, Mokuren was starting to feel less like a bother and more like food, somehow.

“Actually...”, Patchu started, “I have something to say about that...”

Ran Yakumo was, of course, doing all the cleaning and cooking and chores. That’s because Chen was out to play, and never a good help anyways, and Yukari was, as always, dozing off, leaving the responsibility to keep the house presentable, in the unlikely case somebody was to come visit.

As she casually glanced outwards while she lifted the tray with Yukari’s tea break, seeing the lazy afternoon clouds slowly drifting in the sky, she spotted something that won all sort of wrong awards in one strike.

Five color-coded dots, flying in formation towards her.

As they grew bigger, they revealed their nature. Five color-coded girls in fancy color-coded uniforms with retrò color-coded helmets, each landing like a thunderbolt in the garden just outside the house, rising a dense cloud of dust.

After the dust dissipated, blown by the wind with an overly dramatic effect, each of the color-coded beings started, in order, doing awfully ridiculous and unnecessarily fancy motions before blurting out words like:

“Gensokyo... RED!”

“Gensokyo... BLACK!”

“Gensokyo... BLUE!”

“Gensokyo... YELLOW!”

“Gensokyo... PINK!”

After their single presentations were done, they engaged in much coreographic acrobatics, continuing in unison with “Together we are...”

“... The Gensokyo StrikerS!”

Like in slow motion, the tray fell to the ground, the repercussion sending the tea cup slowly flying in the air, spilling fine green tea in the air as it rotated, the lone spoon losing herself amongst the cookies and pastries, creating a messy wave of afternoon break, hitting the wooden floor with painful slowness.

Ran gasped for air at the sight of the five color-coded figures in formation with the outline of the lazy afternoon sun behind them; her fingers went numb after the tray slipped, and she felt the numbness extend to the rest of her body.

She fell to her knees, shivering in disbelief, her eyes were so wide that tears started streaking down her cheeks, the image still painfully burning inside her brain. Only a part of her still-sane brain was telling her that she made a mess and spoiled her mistress’ afternoon tea, but even that was bound to succumb under the seething, burning pain.

“Well, one less pointless fight”, Gensokyo Red Reimu conceded, “Let’s get straight to the end-of-level boss”

“Are we done with this thing?”, Gensokyo Yellow Alice looked eager to get out from that uniform.

“Why? It suits you fine, ze”, Gensokyo Black’s Marisa’s comment, “We should do this kind of thing more often, it feels cool, ze”

“We’re not here to feel cool, we’re here to get Yukari send Mokuren back to her world, let’s get moving”, and Reimu moved on, as if she knew the house by heart.

“Wha? Wait, red’n’whitey!”

“Marisa! Don’t go on without me!”

Mokuren sighed, why does it always go like this?, he looked down at Ran, then glanced at Gensokyo Pink Patchouili, who was still half-posing.

“Thanks, Patchu”, he flashed a smile, “These costumes worked great”

She composed herself, taking the helmet off, “Well... Thanks, I made them in a hurry, so...”, she blushed, but did so with a satisfied smile that lit her hat-less cute face.

Mokuren then checked on Ran. There was nothing that could have been done with her, only time could wash away the shock, and maybe never completely heal. “... I’m sorry!”, she said, patting her on the shoulder, before he and Patchu followed the others in what was, presumably, Yukari’s room.

“Ara, ara”, she greeted them with a sleepy face and sitting in her bed, “Someone forgot their manners at home... Did you not see Ran outside? I’m sure you know better than barge in someone’s-”

Without further ceremonies, Reimu grabbed her by the shoulder and pointed at Mokuren, “You remember about her, don’t you?”, the miko looked pretty frustrated, but the youkai still had that happy and innocent and dumb face on, “Well, you’re going to send her back from where she comes from”

“As expected of Reimu, she has no common sense”, Alice sighed, “I’ll wait outside until you two are done”

“We’ll be outside if you need us, ze”

Patchouili sighed, but stayed. At worst, it’s a three on one. Well, two on one, I don’t think I really count. Oh, and Patchu is anemic, she might be unable to recite her spells if she has some sort of attack or...

“Ara, ara... Please calm down, Reimu-chan. I know how you feel”, she was still smiling, as if threats couldn’t touch her, “But, I cannot send her back”.

The room temperature went far below zero.

“... What?”, asked Reimu.

... What?, Mokuren wanted to ask, but could barely remember to breathe.

“I cannot send her back”, Yukari repeated, and Mokuren started to feel like the red string of fate tied around him became embellished with chains and strange geometrical figures like the ones that oni child carried around.

“Why can’t you send her back? You brought her in, there must be a way to send her back, too!”

“Ara, ara, you clearly haven’t tried already?”, Yukari was still in vein to joke and in her perpetual good mood, but there was a strange, mischevious glint in her eyes, “If you did, you would have realized”

“I still don’t get it”, and Reimu’s eyes were making it clear that she wasn’t stupid, it was Yukari’s fault for not explaining.

“I’m certain there is an explaination, but I’m still not sure myself, however...”, she looked at Patchu, “Our kind guest did visit the Scarlet Mansion, didn’t she?”

“She did”, Patchouili said, “And what you think is possible, even thought it’s difficult to confirm”

“Oh, right”, Mokuren found the courage of saying, managing to understand what was going on (for once) greatly improved his mood, “Remilia has the power to manipulate fate, doesn’t she? Maybe she has something in mind for me, so she made sure I couldn’t leave”

“That damn vampire...”, Reimu was starting to charge out of the room, “I’ll kick her so hard in th-”

“Waaah! Wait, Reimu!”, he had to physically clinch her to prevent her from leaving, and she didn’t stop trying to pull away, “We’re not going anywhere by chasing around people to beat down!”

“Ara, ara, my little girl became so clever...”

“WHATEVER SHOULD WE DO, THEN?!?”

Mokuren backed away, almost tripping on Yukari, “Ah... Er...”, he blinked, “... Maybe we should try to send me home anyways? Maybe, just maybe, we can have an idea of what is keeping me here if we do”

Reimu suddenly returned normal, in that her eyes weren’t burning with the hatred of a thousand suns, “... You don’t mean...”

“It’s been a year, hasn’t it?”, that mischevious glint again, “Things always get weird at this time of the year, but last time was pretty spectacular, don’t you think so?”

“Even if you say so...”, Reimu looked at Mokuren, up and down, as if she saw her for the first time, “What do you think she has to do about that?”

“What do you think Remilia could have done so that she has something to do about that?”

Reimu grimaced, and Mokuren’s heart skipped yet another beat, shit, I don’t know what they’re talking about, but I don’t like it.

“Yukari, you come with us”

“... E... Eh?”

“We’re trying to send her back, and I want you to STICK CLOSE TO ME ALL THE TIME”

“B-but, R-Reimu-chan...”, Yukari blushed, looking away, feigning an embarass that was hiding even worse thoughts, “Always close... Even at night...”

A cushion hit her hard on the head, harder than any cushion could hit. This made Yukari strangely happy.

“Moku, Patchu, you two wait outside with the others, I’ll bring Yukari along even if I have to carry her unconscious body back to the shrine”

“Y-yes, Reimu”, he sighed, and looked at Patchouili, they nodded at each other, then moved outside.

“My mistress must have seen something in you”, she said as they were walking through the corridors, “She never uses her power lightheartedly”.

“Thanks, Patchu. I know Remilia didn’t mean any harm in doing so”, he smiled, “Still... I wasn’t expecting my presence to be so troublesome”

“It’s not troublesome, it’s necessary”, she gave him a strange look, “One does not tell stories like yours if there isn’t something behind it”.

“Well, thank you, Patchu. These are the first words of encouragement I ever heard since I was kidnapped”

“I’m going to do more than this”, she stopped, “You need to learn spellcards, don’t you?”

Mokuren stopped.

“I always wondered how human beings can manage to use magic, you’ll make a good specimen for my studies”, she flashed a shy, little smile, “And I think you’re going to need spellcards in the near future”

He blinked, then he smiled, several weights were lifted from his shoulders, “Thank you, Patchu”

“Let’s move on”, she said, resuming to walk, “We’ll have to return to the shrine to see what is holding you here”.

And so they returned in the courtyard in front of Yukari’s house, waiting for she and Reimu to come back out so that they could head back to the shrine and try to send Mokuren home.