Dungeons And Something Else, Part 3

This ought to wrap up the roleplaying thing. The group I actually play with was wondering if they might make an appearance, but years of roleplaying experience has taught me that it’s really not wise to piss off your cleric.

I hope you’re not going to get all mad if I start talking about Nintendo again.

A big part of the reason the DS thing makes me so mad is that I know come E3 they’re going to be like “Here it is,” and I’m going to be polishing their knobs again because it will do some fancy thing I didn’t expect. They left out the important things on purpose - it just doesn’t add up to me in its current form - and I have other things to worry about, but I keep mulling over their stupid crap. I fail this save every time, these companies try to start some kind of buzz and I know better but I bite anyway. I’m always on-board whenever Acclaim wants to tattoo babies or bake dogs for some new game, I’m here talking about their little trick just like they discussed in the boardroom.

See, that wasn’t so bad. And look, I’m about to make it up to you.

Pork and I are playing Gunbound every night lately, a) because it’s awesome and b) because we were never able to resolve his machine’s issues with Call of Duty. I would feel bad for him if he weren’t running a 1.2 gig machine, which is to my mind somewhat indecent. As a PC gamer, you need to respect yourself. Part of that respect is making sure that your clock speed isn’t one third of the Goddamn processors out now. It’s something we’ve talked about, I’ve told him about these new “stores” you can get stuff at and he just cocks his head like an animal. Anyway, so Gunbound.

I’m just going to put the link to the client at AIX here for you, you can download it while you read the rest of this because every machine that can run it should - and, as a turn-based 2D battle game with the occasional fancy effect, even Porkfry’s disgusting altar of shame can manage it. Take your Scorched Earth/Artillery concept - you choose an angle and the force of a shot - add the Wormsian concept of weapons and power-ups, and then cajole whimsical Asians into drawing and animating each character, their selectable vehicles, and their collectible accessories. It’s not new, by any means - it’s one of those quirky online games that has likely endured the ravages of one or more Fad Cycles, like Ragnarok Online or Dinky Bomb. In any case it’s completely free to play, it’s addictive, and I’m on there as CWTycho. The chances of you beating me are pretty good.

I spent all day (and practically all night) Saturday playing Silent Storm and Baldur’s Gate: Dark Alliance II, and the short version is that they’re both pretty great. The long version I’ll foist upon you Wednesday and, who knows, maybe Friday. I’m wily. Oh, and also: do yourself a favor and get a hold of the Iron & Wine album “The Creek Drank The Cradle.” It’s the kind of music you want on the radio while you’re dying in that twisted car.