Try Relationship Before Worrying About Distance

Tales from the front

April 9, 1998|By Cheryl Lavin

DEAR CHERYL: I am head over heels for Ryan. Even though we've been dating only two months, this is the most honest, up-front, caring, warm and satisfying relationship I've ever been in. What's wrong? He just got accepted into a Ph.D. program in San Francisco, to start next fall. I am committed to my MBA program in Chicago for at least another year and a half.

I'm reluctant to just let this relationship go, but what else can I do? We won't have been dating long enough by fall to have a good enough base for a long-distance relationship, not that I want one anyway, and I'm afraid the specter of separation will keep us from enjoying the next six months. And what are our options come September?

- Fearing a broken heart

DEAR FEAR: September is several months away. So just relax and let the relationship progress at its own rate. Then, in the fall, the two of you can see where you are, where you want to go and how you want to get there. Long-distance relationships are nasty; still, they can work if both parties want them to. But it's way too soon to be worrying about that.

DEAR CHERYL: In 1993 I met this girl. We became friends. Not boyfriend/girlfriend, just really good friends. Then, for some unknown reason, we stopped talking for about a year and a half. Then, about a year and a half ago, we slowly started to become friends again, and within the last year and a half we became better friends then we had ever been before.

That's when I started to become attracted to her. I don't know if she was ever attracted to me, but we did stuff together almost every day. I would sleep at her place, we would go see movies, we were inseparable.

Then she started dating this guy, and we slowly stopped hanging out together. For the last month and a half, we haven't spoken to each other. Then, last week, we made up and she told me she was going to stop seeing this guy, and then, last night, she told me she decided to see him again, so I stopped talking to her again.

Everyone tells me she is attracted to me, so how come she never says anything? - Just a friend

DEAR FRIEND: Probably for the same reason you never say anything to her. She's afraid to get hurt, and so are you. Step up to the plate. Swing for the fences. Better to foul out than to sit on the bench the whole game.