Thursday, January 29, 2015

Six Things You Should Know About My Brother Ben

If you know me in real life, you know that I talk a lot about my
family. They’re a big part of the context that makes me. And they’re one of the
reasons I love Jesus and pursue hope. They’re the people who are real with me
and aren't afraid to be honest with me. I depend on these people more than
anyone else and I can’t thank my parents and siblings enough for all they've
done in my life.

On this blog, you’ll hear me talk about my brother Ben a lot. He died a little
over a year ago in an accident and while in many ways I still feel like I’m
coming to terms with his death and with life now as opposed to life with Ben, I
believe I've come a little ways, far enough at least to write about it. C.S.
Lewis was right when he said we don’t write about things we understand but
rather we write about things in order to understand them.

In many ways, I didn't want to understand Ben’s death and so it was easier to
just not write about it or talk about it. I definitely still don’t completely
understand why he had to die or what exactly God is doing right now, but I've
reached a point where I want to understand and even if God doesn't give me the
answer, I still want to bring my questions to Him.

That being said, you’ll see Ben’s name frequent this blog a lot and it seems
only right that I should give you all somewhat of an explanation of who he
is.

1. First things first, Ben is my brother. That’s kind of obvious, I
know, but it’s still an important fact worth mentioning. When death strikes
it’s easy to feel like you've lost someone and in a way you have. I have to
remind myself that whether here or with Jesus, Ben is still my brother. He
didn't stop being my brother just because he stopped being on earth.

2. Ben was one of my best friends. I certainly wasn't his closest
friend and I definitely didn't understand him all the time but Ben never failed
to be there for me and of all the people I've known in my entire life, no one’s
ever been there like Ben has. He was always just a phone call away. If I ever
needed something, Ben would be there.

He also had a fantastic sense of humor and was always in the mood
to laugh. If it wasn't for Ben, I don’t think I would have a sense of humor.
Even today, Ben is the source and inspiration of many of my family’s inside
jokes. He knew how to laugh at the world and at himself. He never took himself
too seriously and he never got hung up over something for long.

3. Ben was a born leader. The Civil Air Patrol side of Ben is a
side I didn't get to see that often, but Ben’s leadership skills weren't
confined to CAP. Ben was a leader in my life. I liked to think of him as the
“second oldest child” in our family. He was younger than me, but in many ways
he was my older brother. He was the oldest boy in the family and had a lot of
the same oldest child complexes. By the age of thirteen, he had surpassed all
his older siblings in weight and height. Whenever it came down to a shouting
match, Ben’s voice inevitably dominated and if you know my family, you know
that sometimes it helps to be the loudest.

But Ben wasn't just a good leader because he could boss people around, though
admittedly he was pretty good at that. He was a good leader because he inspired
confidence in his followers. He wasn't afraid to be the first one to plunge
ahead recklessly at the forefront, lead the charge if you will and blaze the
trail. I remember thinking as a child, “If my brothers can do it, then I can do
it too.” And to be completely honest, I never really stopped feeling that way
about my brothers. Nothing boosted my confidence and made me brave like having
the support and encouragement of my brothers.

4. Ben was great with kids. Some of my all-time favorite memories
of Ben involve him and my little nanny charges. When it came to children, Ben
was a downright pushover. I still remember the time when little blond
one-year-old Bella came up to him one morning, saying, “Ben, Ben! Do you want
to fly a kite? Let’s fly a kite!” And Ben stood in the kitchen archway, his
face blushing with pleasure as he cried, “How can I possibly say ‘no’?”

5. Ben loved to sing. This was one of my favorite things about Ben.
I think it’s fair to say that Ben’s love for singing was due in large part to
his love for Jesus. We grew up in a church that sang, really sang. And I’m not
talking mumble-along-with-the-worship-team or
try-your-darnedest-to-keep-up-with-the-organ kind of singing. I’m talking A
Capella four part harmony (or however many other harmonies you want to throw in
there if you’re in my family).

I remember when our mother first persuaded Ben and Greg to join the high school
choir ensemble. Both of them were at that awkward teenage stage where their
voices were rapidly going from soprano to baritone but were still in the
cracking awkward in-between stage. They protested joining choir on the grounds
that they “couldn't read music” and “couldn't really sing”. My mom rapidly
fixed this problem by teaching us to sight read using solfege. After that it
didn't take long before my brothers didn't need any motivation to go to choir
rehearsal every week.

6. Ben had incredible faith. He wasn't an overly philosophical or
contemplative kind of guy, but when it came down to it, Ben’s faith was pretty
incredible. I don’t know how many teenagers today would willingly attend
worship services every Sunday morning or devote the amount of time, energy, and
manual labor that Ben did to our church and the people he loved but I know that
the majority certainly wouldn't. Ben loved His church. He loved His family and
friends and His love was best expressed, as we all know, in his actions and the
amount of time He spent on the people He loved. Faith without works is dead and
Ben’s life was a stellar example of a faith that was alive and proactive.

Every summer, our church's youth group had the opportunity to participate in
outreach work and ministry with our Pastor and a mission team of four to six
people from various states across country and some even from overseas. During
this week, we led a children's Vacation Bible School and conducted door-to-door
outreach. We also had group devotions, memorized Scripture, and shared our
testimonies with one another. In the summer of 2010, I remember hearing Ben's
testimony for the first time.

He also had the best smile, teeth or no teeth :)

He cried as he said, "This last year I've been learning how life isn't
always fair. I don't always get my way and sometimes it's tough.

"But I've been thinking a lot about how God always provides and just how
amazing His provision really is. My little brother, Calvin, can barely keep
two measly little fish alive in his fish tank and yet God sustains
and provides for all of our needs..."

I haven’t even scratched the surface with my meager summary, but I
hope that I've given you all a good introduction to my brother Ben. In short,
it was incredible knowing him for the brief seventeen years we did. I've
visited my brother’s cemetery where there are hundreds of sad stories buried in
the earth. Some lived for almost a hundred years. Some lived for a few hours.
Seventeen years is not long, but Ben did amazing things in seventeen years, the
most amazing of those things being the expensive and strenuous way he loved
others. Ben’s love was no accident. It was the clear result of the love he had
found in Jesus and the immeasurable grace Ben received from him.

The Author

Welcome to my blog! My name is Dani Fisher. I am a blogger out of central Oklahoma, a college student, and a proud mama of my husky, Dierdre. A few topics you will see frequent on my blog include friendship, love, relationships, grief, loss, religion, and faith. See the "About the Author" page for more info about me and my blog!!