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Thursday, March 3, 2011

Conspiracy Theory

It is the 3rd of November 2010 and I don’t know anyone who voted for Obama in 2008. Seriously, I don’t know a single person who voted for him. When I think back on it, I don’t know anyone that voted for Bill Clinton in 1992 or 1996 either. I know some people who voted for him for governor, but not for president.

Put aside your partisan politics for a moment and consider this. Most people in the United States do not remember who they voted for in the last Presidential Election. I don't remember and I suspect that you don't either. So you think I'm nuts do you? Well that may be true, but I'm certain of my facts.

I also have it on good authority that fewer than 600 people voted for Bill Clinton in 1992, and even with his mandate in 1996, there were fewer than 538 that voted for him that year. I'm not getting these figures from some straw poll I conducted in downtown Burns Flat, America--though that is both the cultural and political center of this great republic (OK, that last part is only opinion, but the rest of this article is fact). Being the only Republican from a family of Democrats, I often am not taken seriously when I tell them that I have never met anyone that voted for Clinton. Still don't believe me? So you want answers? You want the truth? You can't handle the truth. In 1992, only 370 people voted for Clinton. In 1996, only 379 people voted for him, but sure enough that's him in the oval office.

Want to know more? The real election for president didn't occur until December in 1992 and in 1996. We have narrowed it down to 538 people that could have voted for Clinton in 1996--and you thought we conducted elections by secret ballot. Actually, the people that elected our current president even signed their names to their ballot and your government knows who they are. You say that 538 number sounds familiar, but you can't quite place it. It's got nothing to do with the grassy knoll or the number of times that your Microsoft operated computer shuts down each day due to an illegal operation. That's right it's the total number of Senators and Representatives in the United States Congress, but they don't elect the president. In fact, they are not even permitted to vote for the president. So is this coincidence or conspiracy?

Actually, it's neither. It's Article II, Section 1 of the Constitution of the United States of America that provides for the election of a United States President. "Each State shall appoint, in such Manner as the Legislature thereof may direct, a Number of Electors, equal to the whole Number of Senators and Representatives to which the State may be entitled in the Congress: but no Senator or Representative, or Person holding an Office of Trust or Profit under the United States, shall be appointed an Elector." Yes our president is elected by people we call electors. When you vote in a presidential election, you are voting for electors. We call this group of people the Electoral College. This is a special year in our country's constitutional process. We get to experience both a census and a presidential election. By mid September, when your television is inundated with political commercials and commentaries, you'll probably say "enough with the experience." But with Independence Day still on our minds, this might just be a good time to find a copy of our Constitution and refresh our memories on how we elect a president.

I'll close with a special warning to my Republican brethren. The fox is in the henhouse. Guess who is in charge of counting the votes for the 2000 Presidential Election? You guessed it--Al Gore. That Buddhist Temple stuff is small potatoes compared to this. Speaking of potatoes, wasn't it Dan Quale that was in charge of counting the votes for president in 1992? I knew we should have followed up after that spelling thing…

This was a piece first published in conjunction with the 2000 election. I occasionally resurrect it during November.

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Ten Talents: A Play in 3 Acts

Many years ago, make that almost four decades ago, I wrote the unofficial school newspaper. Its name was The Biased Observer. As the name would indicate, it was more a look at events of the week through one set of eyes than any attempt to objectively report the news. The news was what old people watched. I was more concerned with issues closer to the heartbeat of humanity, such as how many times in one week was a high school cafeteria allowed to serve beans as the main course.

Through the years, I acquired some higher education, experience in many cultures, and some insight as to the workings of the mind. Today, I teach thinking skills and creativity among my other passions.

One thing that I have learned is that you just cannot look at something objectively. If someone says, let's look at this objectively, they mean let's look at this through my view of objectivity. We all perceive our surroundings differently. In parallel thinking, we separate the elements of thinking and focus on each of them separately and the product is a much more objective (and considerably more effective) examination of a topic or issue. Even with these specific tools, we never truly get to objectivity. Parallel Thinking enables us to broaden our base of objectivity, but we should realize that objectivity cannot be fully obtained. When I first used The Biased Observer as a title for my periodic accounts of the world, its purpose was to relieve me from any responsibility to apply critical examination to any of the topics I wanted to discuss.

I'll revive the title in this column as a realization that no matter how much objective effort is applied to a topic, it will always retain much of the bias of its author. But much like variety, the author's bias can be the spice of life.

This column will focus on a variety of topics, each seasoned with an assortment of spices. Its intent is to inspire, provoke, and occasional provide some relief from the issues of the week. I think you will enjoy it, but then again, I am a little biased.

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About Me

Tom Spence is the pastor of the Cumberland Presbyterian Church in Burns Flat, Oklahoma. He is a retired Marine Corps officer, published author, and occasionally catches a shot of something that just says Oklahoma.