Hero Cat Saves Child from Wanting to Own a Cat

ALPHARETTA, GA–A hero cat known as Mr. Starfish, household pet to the Travers family, has selflessly saved the Travers’ child Brian from ever wanting to be a cat owner. The feline, aged 4 human years or 35 cat years, uses every tactic at his disposal to demonstrate disregard for the thoughts and feelings of Pat and Sandy Travers’ son, leaving the boy with zero desire to ever again adopt a feline.

“I don’t think Mr. Starfish would ever directly attack Brian,” said Pat Travers. “It’s more of a general disdain.” Travers said he thinks son Brian is put off by having to look at Mr. Starfish’s exposed anus all the time. “He keeps asking why the cat doesn’t have to wear pants.”

The Travers family adopted Mr. Starfish from the animal shelter when Brian was just three years old, with the hope that the child might learn some lessons about responsibility and companionship. But Brian’s mom Sandy Travers says the only thing he’s learned is that cats are, in his words, “doodoo.”

Ms. Travers said “Mr. Starfish will chase string, roll around on the floor, or do basically any cute fun cat thing, but as soon as our boy walks into a room the cat just shuts down and stares. Brian is a sweet child. He’s never done anything to Mr. Starfish. There’s just a deep, inexplicable enmity there.”

Both Sandy and Pat Travers say it’s clear that Mr. Starfish has forever saved Brian from cat ownership. When asked what he’d like to be when he grows up, Brian said “A spaceman because there aren’t any cats in space.”

Editor In Chief, Founder, and Admiral of Smugness at The Atlanta Banana, Jim Hodgson has an ass for news. Follow him on twitter at @jimhodgson
He is the author of the hilarious Science Fiction novel Dangerous Dan, available now on Amazon in Kindle and Paperback.