Generating Sexual Tension

One of the things I get asked quite often is “How Do I Generate Sexual Tension, Without Sounding Creepy?”

This is a great question and can be the ONE thing holding many guys from becoming the type of guy that girls want to sleep with and the type of guy that gets placed in the “Let’s Just Be Friends” zone.

Now for me, I struggled with this for a while. After I had mastered my own approach anxiety and even had a few conversational tricks up my sleeve, I would find women telling me “You are such a great guy, I need to hook you up with one of my friends!”

Why were they saying this (and not wanting to hook up with me themselves)? Well the answer is simple now that I have become better with women and have had a chance to reflect on this part of my ‘game’.

I wasn’t showing them that I was a sexual being who was attracted to them. If you don’t let a woman know that you are sexually active man who finds them attractive – they will VERY quickly put you in the friends zone.

Of course you can recover from this, but honestly why even allow yourself to be placed there? Luckily, being a founder of the Guru Black Book I have been able to interview some of the top names in dating and pick up.

Let’s check out some excerpts from the Guru Black Book and see how some of the featured guru’s would escalate sexual tension without sounding creepy.

Take for example Adam Lyons (Voted #1 PUA in the world):

One of my favorite (ways to generate sexual tension) and you can even use this as an opening line if you want, is to go up to her and say, “Hey, I was just talking to my friend here. We’re wondering, in modern day, when is it OK and acceptable to start talking about sex when you meet somebody?”

You’re going to get two answers, right? You‟re either going to get, “Oh, I think people talk about sex far too often. You know, they really shouldn’t.” And then you know to keep the sexual tension back until it‟s just you and her in the bedroom.

On the other hand, she might say, “Oh no, I think it’s absolutely fine.” At which point she’s essentially giving you permission to talk about sex. So you could shift straight into, “Well, in that case, what’s your favorite sexual position?” Because she’s giving you permission to talk about it and it sounds very bland, very normal, very mundane, but you’re talking about sex. When you start a conversation off that way, it’s very easy to escalate fast.

OK, that is very direct and gets to the point, but you may not be comfortable with that, so let’s see how Bobby Rio (from TSB Mag) approaches this subject:

The other way is to introduce a sexual tone. I like to ask a girl, “Does saying I love you during really good sex count?” And usually with that conversation right there, the girl will start talking about it and you‟ll be amazed at how quickly she‟ll start talking about some of her sexual experiences and a guy who said it once. And right there you can start to tease her and say, “Oh wow, you really are a little sex kitten, aren‟t you.” Or just kind of go from there. I mean, to me that‟s the best way to do it. It‟s either through a glorified gossip opinion style opener or just a flat-out misinterpretation tease.

Another guru Stephen Nash (aka LA Playboy from the book “The Game”) has this to say about your frame when you are having a conversation that is shifting to a sexual state:

Number one, outside the realm of social interaction, a guy has got to be comfortable with his body. If I’m feeling a sexual interest in a woman, something in me changes. I can’t control it and a lot of guys who are inexperienced have a lot of shame around that, so what I’ve noticed is that as the guy gets more and more connected to his body, more active, more flexible, more active physically, something in there changes and shifts and they become a little more connected to that and women pick up on it and it’s attractive.

On this same note, if you portray that you are comfortable in your own skin, and sex with you is normal and fun – then women will naturally start seeing you as a potential sexual partner. Vin DiCarlo has this to say about it:

..you want to create a situation where you’re a sexual guy, you are attracted to women, you enjoy sex, she can tell you’re probably good at it – but since you‟re in control of when and if sex happens, she is uncertain when exactly it will happen, and that tension is interesting to her.

It’s an experience that‟s like a GREAT movie that you don‟t want to stop watching. And if you nail that combination she’s going to be addicted to being around you, and she’ll be VERY interested in being alone with you, just so that she can see what happens.

Another way, which is somewhat controversial, but a lot of fun if you have the right playful attitude is to just be SUPER direct with your intentions. I’ve seen Nick Quick (aka Adonis) in action and frankly it is amazing how effective he is being extremely open, playful and direct. Here is an excerpt from the Guru Black Book where Nick talks about one of his favorite openers that immediately generates sexual tension and without question, avoids the dreaded “Friends Zone”:

One of my other favorite openers is, “Hey, I am just a single guy looking to hook up tonight. Who should I be talking to?” And it‟s funny because inevitably they all point to the same girl. And by so doing they are complicit in the seduction, and I can just say, “I‟m going to borrow her for a second. I will bring her right back.” And her friends are already feeling like they should help me out.

This is a great way to just lay it out on the table in a fun, playful and non-creepy way. You are telling the women that you are definitely a sexual being and you are interested in being more than friends. And as direct as it is, it is funny and playful and most importantly not creepy.

A more subtle and smooth approach is one my friend Richard La Ruina (aka Gambler) uses to get amazing results is to control your voice and body language in a way that let’s her know (without saying it directly), that you are interested in her on a physical level:

So let’s try and think about what elements would be required if you want to slip a girl into the seductive state. You’re going to gradually start to slow down your speech.

You’re going to smooth it out and you’re going to introduce lots of pauses because when you pause in the middle of the
sentence and you maintain eye contact, that’s pretty much as close a definition as you can get to sexual tension.

So as you pause, you hold the eye contact, and at some point in the interaction, it is OK to look at her like you want her. Stop looking at her like you would look at your friends or relatives and start looking at her like you want her.

Inside the Guru Black Book you actually get to listen to him do this and I have to tell you it is one of the more powerful things you can do when talking to a woman that will generate white-hot sexual tension. You’ll know exactly what I mean when you hear him demonstrate this technique.

Another great technique (and this is one of my favorites as it injects playful teasing which demonstrates that you are fun guy who ‘gets it’ with women) is to use sexual innuendo to misinterpret what she is saying as sexual. As my friend DJ Fuji say’s:

A great tactic is to misinterpret and accuse everything she says of being sexual in nature. Don‟t actually talk about sex in the beginning, but instead, take all those things in the conversation, and use humor to defuse the sexuality.

For example, I have a huge Mohawk on my head. Girls will always come up and say, “Can I touch it?” And if I’m going to infuse the sexuality there, I’m going to look at them and say, “You’d better be talking about my hair.” And then I’ll turn my back to them. They‟ll get the joke and will say, “No, no, I was talking about your hair.” And I’ll turn around and say, “Sure, you were. I saw those eyes.”

Get it? He is essentially flipping the script on them and making them feel like they were the ones injecting sexuality into the conversation. And the great part is, they will actually start seeing you as a potential sexual partner even though it was you who accused them of bringing it up. Fun right?

OK. The last piece of advice comes from a great friend of mine who was actually my mentor a few years ago when I first got into improving this part of my life. Christian Hudson (from The Social Man in NYC, Vegas and SF) and the master of inner game has this advice for generating sexual tension:

It all starts with how you move and how you position yourself to her. So let’s say I’m standing next to her in a bar, I’m standing at a 45 degree angle, the moment I square my head up with her and we’re face to face and I’m looking her in the eye, she’s going to feel that. Then I step back away.

So much of being able to generate sexual tension is about being able to push the envelope and do something either verbally or non-verbally that then pushes it and then being able to step back out of it, and allow that tension to dissipate. Then ramping it up again, bringing it back up and then allowing it to dissipate again.

This push pull dynamic is actually incredibly powerful. Think of sexual tension as a balloon. If you blow it up to fast it will pop. But if you blow it up, then release some only to add more to it later… the amount of tension will increase to a much higher place than if you just rushed to get it as fast as possible (plus it drives women crazy). Don’t be surprised if she is the one pulling you into a cab to take you home if you do this one right.

OK. That was just a small excerpt of a few answers from one question in the Guru Black Book. Now imagine having access to the complete answers from all 28 Gurus answering this plus 24 other questions?

Leave A Reply (4 comments So Far)

I find myself in the LJBF zone much more often that I would like. Thanks for the quick hitting tips.

dryer
2615 days ago

I understand this really is really boring and you’re simply missing to the next remark, but I just wanted to throw you a large thanks — a person cleared up some things for me!

James Spangler
2614 days ago

Wow this is a great resource.. I’m enjoying it.. good article

Sean
2614 days ago

B is the closest of the answer choices for me, bottom line for me is, I don’t want to go through a bunch of motions to get sex, and I’m sure I speak for most men when I say the most effective way to get her vagina wet, is what counts.

About The Authors

Brad Jackson & Bill Preston

We are here to help you find the answers that will give you the success you're looking for with women. We started out much like most guys reading this page, looking to gain more skills and success with women.

We created The Guru Black Book to give you the same access to the top dating gurus and pick up artists that we personally have so that you can find the answers you need to take your game to the next level. We're here to help you.