1. Listen to the birds.
That's where all the music comes from. Birds know everything about how it should sound and where that sound should come from. And watch hummingbirds. They fly really fast, but a lot of times they aren't going anywhere.

2. Your guitar is not really a guitar Your guitar is a divining rod.
Use it to find spirits in the other world and bring them over. A guitar is also a fishing rod. If you're good, you'll land a big one.

3. Practice in front of a bush
Wait until the moon is out, then go outside, eat a multi-grained bread and play your guitar to a bush. If the bush dosen't shake, eat another piece of bread.

4. Walk with the devil
Old Delta blues players referred to guitar amplifiers as the "devil box." And they were right. You have to be an equal opportunity employer in terms of who you're bringing over from the other side. Electricity attracts devils and demons. Other instruments attract other spirits. An acoustic guitar attracts Casper. A mandolin attracts Wendy. But an electric guitar attracts Beelzebub.

5. If you're guilty of thinking, you're out
If your brain is part of the process, you're missing it. You should play like a drowning man, struggling to reach shore. If you can trap that feeling, then you have something that is fur bearing.

6. Never point your guitar at anyone
Your instrument has more clout than lightning. Just hit a big chord then run outside to hear it. But make sure you are not standing in an open field.

7. Always carry a church key
That's your key-man clause. Like One String Sam. He's one. He was a Detroit street musician who played in the fifties on a homemade instrument. His song "I Need a Hundred Dollars" is warm pie. Another key to the church is Hubert Sumlin, Howlin' Wolf's guitar player. He just stands there like the Statue of Liberty-making you want to look up her dress the whole time to see how he's doing it.

8. Don't wipe the sweat off your instrument
You need that stink on there. Then you have to get that stink onto your music.

9. Keep your guitar in a dark place
When you're not playing your guitar, cover it and keep it in a dark place. If you don't play your guitar for more than a day, be sure you put a saucer of water in with it.

10. You gotta have a hood for your engine
Keep that hat on. A hat is a pressure cooker. If you have a roof on your house, the hot air can't escape. Even a lima bean has to have a piece of wet paper around it to make it grow.

Mon. 12/20/10 3:10pm
Scott:
just scratching the surface Nate, but gonna do what I can. Chilton too, don't feel I gave him proper trib last March. Bad year for heroes!

Mon. 12/20/10 3:20pm
ben drinken:
I actually have a beefheart in my freezer I got form a local organic highland beef farm. when i heard that he had died i thought about that beefheart in the freezer. but i haven't cooked it yet.

Mon. 12/20/10 3:21pm
Davice:
I've got a live in my freezer but I do not feel compelled to take it out.

Mon. 12/20/10 3:22pm
Davice:
liver

Mon. 12/20/10 3:22pm
BuzzBuzz:
I always heard it as "Bee Fart." As in, "It was so quiet you could hear a bee fart."

Mon. 12/20/10 3:23pm
Davice:
Do bees fart? I thought they buzzed.

Mon. 12/20/10 3:23pm
some kind of unusual skull sleigh:
what terrible news. I had not heard. RIP indeed.

Mon. 12/20/10 3:24pm
ben drinken:
when bees fart you can smell them and you say "wew that stings!"

Mon. 12/20/10 3:25pm
Davice:
What does it sound like?

Mon. 12/20/10 3:26pm
BuzzBuzz:
Similar to the sound of one hand clapping, I hear.

Mon. 12/20/10 3:26pm
Cecile:
Finally got a chance to tune in. Scott, could you play big eyed beans from venus?

Mon. 12/20/10 3:30pm
ben drinken:
do bees get pollen from bean flowers? we had several beans growing in our garden this year. and i saw many bees about them. bees bees the magical insect. the more they bean pollen they get the more they toot.

Mon. 12/20/10 3:31pm
steve:
Raiding that BBC doc on the Capt, eh? Had some interesting insights it did. -s

Mon. 12/20/10 3:33pm
Cecile:
We were talking about sports guys, and one friend of mine goes "You should only reture once." I said, "well Captain Beefheart retired once and we never heard from him again. I'd give my right eye to have him retire and unretire every week. Everyone should retire and unretire as much as they want!"

And I stand by that.

Mon. 12/20/10 3:33pm
ben drinken:
I checked in the freezer and i was mistaken. the beefheart i had already cooked. it was a beef tongue i got recently at a farmer's market. i think i might have some deer heart in there, though. I'll need to check. no beehearts found.

Mon. 12/20/10 3:36pm
Don - (UK Don):
Van Vliet implemented his vision by asserting complete artistic and emotional domination of his musicians. At various times one or another of the group members was put "in the barrel," with Van Vliet berating him continually, sometimes for days, until the musician collapsed in tears or in total submission to Van Vliet --- ahhah, brilliant!

Mon. 12/20/10 4:07pm
frenchee:
this is a great version of "take me home..."

Mon. 12/20/10 4:11pm
Dead Corporate Eyes:
this day has burned me out

Mon. 12/20/10 4:12pm
BSI:
What DCE said. That.

Mon. 12/20/10 4:18pm
mike:
dont know much about the good capt but seen him 3 times 69 71 73 we memorized lines from trout mask just like we did from the honeymooners. he was a big part of our life with the circle of pals we hung with. to this day when we get togethet we recite the dust blows forward and the dust blows back. loved thedon

Mon. 12/20/10 5:26pm
marq:
Scott's voice is sounding a little better. usually so smoooov! still sounds smoooov but strained.

Mon. 12/20/10 5:27pm
marq:
Scott has the smoooovest voice on wfmu.

Mon. 12/20/10 5:39pm
nigel:
Glad to hear of a grammatical pet peeve! Mine is the use of " off of "
the album. It's been bugging me for years! No such thing ...it's just
off or from, as in " please take your feet off the table " !

Mon. 12/20/10 5:47pm
frenchee:
featuring Pamela Des Barres?

Mon. 12/20/10 5:51pm
Scott:
Hey frenchee, yup.

Mon. 12/20/10 5:54pm
Sandy in Houston:
we're going to miss you next week Mr. Scott W! can you get toddophonic todd to do more fill ins?