Not the best segue

So this might seem kinda dark after my last post about my depression and all, but it’s not related. It would be dark either way, but I try to not think of it like that.

me, ascending to the white light.

Sometimes I wonder how I will die. Not in the morbid way, but in a spoiler-alert way. What will be the thing that finally does me in someday? I’ve concluded 3 scenarios are likely to happen.

1. CancerI live in New Jersey, my hometown is one large superfund site at this point, and I have large boobs. Cancer is pretty likely. I’m very moley and sunburn easily. It’s bound to happen, even if it doesn’t kill me.

2. Car AccidentThese things are pretty common and I wouldn’t be surprised.

3. MurderSomeone is going to kill me one day for mouthing off or general cuntiness.

I know they’re not that interesting, wacky or out-there, but that’s probably how I’m gonna go. Here are the runners up in the “wacky” but maybe probably category….

1. DisappearanceI will go off the grid, end up walking in the woods, and then die and no one will find me.

2. Home AccidentSomething fucked up will happen to me at home alone and I will die. I will fall off a step ladder and break my neck, or slip on the bathmat and crack my head open or choke on some pizza.

3. Weird DiseaseSomething from WebMD actually ends up being true and no one believes me, since I always convince myself that this cold is probably Super Cancer Ebola AIDS times triplicate. And one day it could be.