THF: New Year, Same Old Shenanigans

Andre Dawson was elected to the Baseball Hall of Fame, with Bert Blyleven missing out yet again by five votes. In other news, Jay Mariotti submitted a ballot which merely said, “Blow Me, Bert.”

Gilbert Arenas was suspended indefinitely by the NBA following a gun incident with a teammate in the Washington Wizards locker room. With that incident, the league also awarded Dwyane Wade an unprecedented eight free throws.

A news report from the future: Tom Brady, Carson Palmer, and Donovan McNabb walk into a bar. The bartender looks at them and says, “Sorry, we can’t sell alcohol on a Sunday.”

The University of South Florida has fired head coach Jim Leavitt after it was learned he assaulted one of his players by grabbing his neck. Leavitt is contending the report and questioning how the incident became public, noting that the player he attacked isn’t even the son of an ESPN analyst.

And finally, the Pakistan parliament fined members of their country’s hockey team over $2,000 for appearing in a photo on the Internet where they were hugging a woman and drinking alcohol. Subsequently Pakistan is also placing a 50 million rupee bounty on Matt Leinart.

Charlie Doherty’s “What Were They Thinking?”

Kansas State basketball coach Frank Martin, for hitting one of his players during a timeout

Daisuke Matsuzaka, telling Japanese media he hid a thigh injury from the Red Sox suffered during the ’09 World Baseball Classic

FOX sideline reporter Chris Myers, for making a Christmas bomber comparison in an interview question

Jayson Williams, who crashed his SUV after drinking and driving, and tried to lie about the driving part to police

Gilbert Arenas, for pointing fingers at teammates as if firing a gun during pregame