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Monday, May 19, 2008

So, I had my colposcopy today. I went in to the room, stripped down, carefully tucked my underwear inside my pants because even though the doctor is seeing my cervix, it would be just embarrassing for her to see my underwear. That's just how my mind works.

The doctor knocked on the door to make sure I was done stripping down and was carefully covered with my paper blanket. It doesn't matter that she's going to lift the "blanket" up and look up my hoo-ha with a high powered microscope, but it would just be crazy if she walked in on me before I was entirely covered up.

She came in, cranked open the speculum, moved the colposcope into position and said, "Hmm, I can't see anything."

I'm like, "Seriously? You should be able to see all the way to my tonsils with how far that thing is shoved up there."

She insisted that there was something wrong with the light and she couldn't see anything.

Well, that's comforting.

She grabbed another doctor (because what's better than lying there with your feet in stirrups in front of one doctor? Lying there with your legs in the air for TWO doctors!) I guess they got the thing to work and she went ahead with the biopsy.

I really wasn't nervous or anything. Heck, I was out alone, lying down and relaxing. I was enjoying myself! Still, she talked me through the whole process. "I'm going to put some vinegar on your cervix now."

"Vinegar? What, are you making salad dressing down there?"

Apparently vinegar can make the abnormal tissue turn white. Then she put some Worcestershire sauce iodine on my cervix. Then came the fun part.

"I'm just going to take a couple samples. You'll feel horrific pain a small pinch. OK, now I'm going to put this stuff that looks like peanut butter on your cervix to help stop the bleeding."

"Seriously, what are you cooking down there?"

Anyway, I guess things looked pretty good and she didn't seem very concerned. Then she told me the great news that I'd probably have to come back for repeat paps every three months! Woo Hoo! Don't be all jealous now.

Although that appointment was fun, I didn't feel like I'd been humiliated enough so I went on to my mammogram appointment. So, I checked in at the outpatient lab thingy place and took a seat in the waiting room. There's a water fountain in the waiting room at my hospital. It's very tranquil and serene. It's soothing to hear the trickling water running down the wall. Unless, of course, you're a million months pregnant and you're there with your full bladder just waiting for your ultrasound. Then it's just cruel and evil. This was the first time I've been in that waiting room without having to cross my legs and will myself not to pee in their nicely upholstered chairs.

When it was my turn for the mammogram, a nice woman named Audrey called me back and sat down and explained step by step exactly what they were going to do. Again, I really wasn't nervous to begin with, but had I been, it would have been very comforting to have a technician take the time to explain everything and ask if I had any questions.

So I changed into an actual gown made of fabric and not paper and went into the waiting room. In my hospital, this whole area was just for women which was nice. When it was my turn, the technician asked me a few questions and then got to work. Now, I know what we've all been told - it's like smashing your boob between two cold, metal bookends, right? I was going to write something all funny about this, but I decided to be honest instead because I think mammograms are infinitely important and I didn't want to scare anyone from actually getting one. So, here's the truth - mammograms aren't that bad! For real!

Yes, it's uncomfortable to have a stranger grab your boob, pull it nearly off your body and place it in this machine. Yes, it's a little strange to have the technician place a sticker that looks like a snap, on your nipple. And yes, it's uncomfortable to have your boob squashed between the two plates. But it really doesn't hurt. Honest! Discomfort - sure. Pain - not at all. And really, what's a little discomfort when you think of the incredible benefits? Breast cancer is highly curable if caught early. Who would rather risk their health just to avoid a little discomfort? And let's face it, after giving birth, our inhibitions are pretty much non-existent anyway, right? Sooo, if you're between the age of 35 and 40 and haven't had a mammogram yet, GO GET ONE! It's important to get that first baseline mammo so doctors have something to compare future mammograms to. Doctors need to know what is normal for you, so they can spot any changes that might occur in the future. Come on, if I can do it, you guys can too! OK, I'm done with my motherly lecture now.

Oh yeah, and when you get your mammo done and you go back to the dressing room to change back into your clothes, don't forget to take the stickers off your boobs. Not that I did that or anything. Just saying...

Dawn: you crack me up! And YES, ladies--PLEASE get your mammogram done if you haven't had one and are in the appropriate age range. It's not that bad and is over rather quickly. Remember--it could be a life saver. It WAS for me last year! AND--do self-breast exam every single month. It's important. We know our bodies better than anyone. If you don't know how then ask someone at your Dr.'s office. OK--done with my rant! Love to you all.

Oh, come on...I wore my stickers home, so I could sport unique pasties for the hubby. What was really funny is the stickers are called BBs and the snap (metal bb) in between the Bs makes the "O", so each sticker says BOB on it. Hubby took one look and said....."Nice Bobs". Ok, we are easily amused....we've been married for 37 years.....

Yeah! Excellent discussion of the mammogram. I am so glad you told it like it is! I had my first one a month ago and other than some discomfort it wasn't a big deal. Except I didn't get the stickers. Hmmmm. Now I am jealous. But I think after nursing as long as I did (even though it was only with one child) my boobs had already been through the wringer and this did seem easy. But its time we women stopped scaring each other and kicked this breast cancer thing as best we can with early detection. Thank you! Also, having been through your other procedure as well - yeah - you nailed the description on that one also. Such fun we women must endure!

I couldn't agree with you more about getting tested!!! I had my first mammo at 26 because, are you ready for this.....my wonderful mom and my couragous sister are both breast cancer survivors!!!! Mom was 52 when diagnosed and recovered fully, and my sister was 32, now fully recovered. I get tested because of family history. Get tested it could save your life.The test itself is not bad at all, a pinch and a squeeze compared to losing all your hair and vomitting daily..no question about it for me.Call, set up the appontment, it will be the best thing you ever do for yourself.

YAY DAWN!!! Good for you! Taking charge of your health like that and everything! You won't be on the 3 month pap plan forever. You just have to get passing grades on a few in a row. I am back to once a year after having paps 3 or 4 times a year.

Wow, two procedures in one day! You're brave.Thanks for the honesty of your mammogram. I had my first a couple years ago and I also didn't feel any pain. Yes, it was uncomfortable, but not painful. Hopefully more women will get theirs done soon!

I do that thing with the underwear, too. Just grabbing at the last vestiges of my pride, I suppose...

I've often wondered if it's just people who haven't nursed babies that find the mammogram painful. I mean, after having a 9-month-old turn his head 180 degrees to see what his sibling is doing while your nipple is still in his mouth sort of desensitizes you to anything less traumatic, doesn't it?

I agree no pain per say just major discomfort...had my first mamo at 36 cause I had a lump... thank God it was not cancer...I so appreciate the dr.s who put something interesting on the ceiling so I can read and escape the delving into my cervix....ugggglad all went well.

I've been getting mammograms every year since I was 30 because of breast cancer in the family, and it's the only time in my life I'm glad I'm an A cup!

But when I started, a friend told me how to prepare properly for them.

Go downstairs to your kitchen in the dark dressed only in a robe. No socks. Open the refrigerator door. Place one boob against the rubber part of the door.

Now, brace yourself and slam the door as hard as you can, catching your boob in the process! Now you're good to go.

If that doesn't work, go outside and grab a complete stranger. Ask him into your home. Give him two metal bookends. Take off your shirt, and ask him to pound the bookends together as hard as possible around your boob.

Hi Dawn, You are completly right on the mamo appointment. It does not hurt at all. I think people just like talking about the whole book end process because it sounds painfull. I am so glad you did it. I give you a smiley face sticker ( Or Two! LOL) Kristine in Michigan.

I need to thank you for that post. #1 - I have my first mammogram coming up next month and I was a bit nervous until I read your post. #2 - Do you have any idea how many women you just helped by posting your experience? I had a colposcopy done a couple of years ago and it went EXACTLY as you explained it (minus the malfunctioning light - why does all the fun stuff happen to you?? ;)).

How lucky are you to be able to expose your bottom half AND your top half -- in two different places -- in ONE day?? haha

I fully agree that mammograms are not that bad. They are better than the previous visit for a pap. I am so proud of you for finally getting that done. Good girl! Now, with the 3 girls in your house, make sure they do the same when they are old enough to warrant it. And the boys wives, too. It's a little inconvenience and two hours for the preservation of your precious health.

I've kind of always wondered why they make it a point to leave the room and make sure you are sufficiently half-naked in that gown before coming back in... like they aren't going to see all of your "bare necessities" anyway...

Dawn, this is great you did this. My 26 year old sister just went through breast cancer. 26!!! She has no history of breast cancer or any type of cancer in her family. She had to have a mastectomy at 26. She is doing great and going to be walking with 48 teammates in the Avon Breast Cancer walk on May 31 in Chicago.

My 86 year old grandmother was recently diagnosed with breast cancer. However, it was found very early thanks to her mammogram. She finishes her fourth and final week of radiation this week, and she looks and feels great.

I went in to the room, stripped down, carefully tucked my underwear inside my pants because even though the doctor is seeing my cervix, it would be just embarrassing for her to see my underwear. That's just how my mind works.

Thank you!! I do the exact same thing at my OB appointments, and my husband makes fun of me whenever he's there with me. I just sent him a link to your post and said, "See?? I'm not the only one!"

Yes- I concur. I had one last year and there was no pain and I didn't even really find it all that uncomfortable. I could not for the life of me understand what the hulaballo was about. Pap smears are FAR more uncomfortable! Mammogram? No big deal at all!

A sticker on your nipple? Ouch! I would go get a mammogram if I weren't always pregnant or nursing. My boobs are too busy for the squish-machine. I'm afraid it'd be like squishing a jug of milk - oh, it would be!

I do the underwear thing,too. I'm more worried about it falling on the floor of the exam room. Whether or not anyone sees it is beside the point, I would have to burn the underwear. Gives me the willies just thinking about it.

Mammos do not hurt! They are life saving. Schedule yours with a friend or sister, go out for mimosas after, or shopping, or both. Don't wait!

Just a side note - even if you are under 35 but have ever either had an abnormal breast exam in the past OR have a strong history of breast cancer in your family, it may be worth an exam. I'm 28 - I have had 2.

As for paps, I feel for ya. I go every 3 months (or more). I have PCOS (fun stuff) and just finished treatment for endometrial hyperplasia (it's spelled wrong but that's ok, you don't want it anyway).

Anyway, kudo's for getting the exams. They are intrusive and a pain in the toosh, but necessary. Better safe then sorry, right? =)

I had to go for an ECG today and the reason I mentioned this is that you have to strip to the waist for one.So we went through the usual undressing in private, lying on the couch and having a cloth to cover me up. Which is then removed for the nurse to put the electrical wires on!I jokingly said to her - I dont know why they bother with the cover bit!

I had to have my colposcopy when I was 27. I remember the dr. telling me that the biopsy wouldn't hurt because the cervix doesn't have any nerve endings. Whatever... Afterward, I wanted to punch little holes in her eyeballs. The cells showed high-grade cells, so I had a leep next. I took my mom with me and we both swear that the duck billed gadget they put in you was rusty. Talk about a scary, scary experience. I had to go back for paps every 3 mo. for a year and then was given the all clear to go back to annual exams. I had my first mammogram at 26 and I remember it like yesterday because it was on 9/11. I sat in the waiting room wondering which I I was going to die from first: breast cancer or terrists. My breasts were fuller then and I don't remember it being a painful experience (uncomfortable - yes). They couldn't see very well on my mammogram e-rays, so I had an ultrasound. No cancer!!! It was a cyst. I think that I will now have an easier time with the mammogram after 35 because after 2 kids, my breasts are already flat.

I have many questions today.Do you think they could have used Vodka on your cervix?Do the BoB's come in differant sizes? What if some ones had amazingly huge nips?Who won the Starbucks???And most importatnly Did your kids ask you to drive them down to I-80 so they could pick up some of the spilled O-R-E-O's? (I saw it in my newspaper, sad they have to tell us about spilt cookies from 1/2 the country away in Abilene, shows what a small town we are huh,).

I had a colposcopy about 4 years ago and had a very similar experience as you. However, here was how it differed: I not only tuck my panties into my pants, but actually fold them both. Neatness counts, right? I have something more embarrassing that being there in front of two doctors: present at mine were one doctor (my Sunday school teacher), one nurse (a friend from Sunday school), and one nursing student (who I didn't know). It sounds horrific, I know, but I truly trusted those two with my life.

I am completely with you with covering up with those gowns too...can't show too much upper thigh either...what would they take me for? =)

As for this: "I went in to the room, stripped down, carefully tucked my underwear inside my pants because even though the doctor is seeing my cervix, it would be just embarrassing for her to see my underwear. That's just how my mind works.

The doctor knocked on the door to make sure I was done stripping down and was carefully covered with my paper blanket. It doesn't matter that she's going to lift the "blanket" up and look up my hoo-ha with a high powered microscope, but it would just be crazy if she walked in on me before I was entirely covered up." - I am TOTALLY THE SAME!! I always put my underwear inside my pants - my bra too - I wouldn't want them to see it!!! Like it matters!!

Anyway - thanks again for the laugh and congrats on getting all the fun stuff taken care of!!!

My last mammogram was memorable. I had a spot on my previous one so they asked me to come in again so they could retake it. So I took an extended lunch hour, unfortunately, there was some sort of problem and I sat in the waiting room for over an hour past my exam time(while my blood sugar plummeted). They then asked me to wait and have my doctor explain my mammogram to me. It really stressed me out, so after he told me that I only had some opaque spots and everything was okay, I passed out. I think it was the stress, the lack of food and the relief that the spot was just a spot. Since I was already in the hospital and they are big on cya, they sent me to emergency to have a scan done of my head. So don't forget to eat before your mammogram. LOLregards,Theresa

Mammograms are not that bad and in fact I can think of numerous other things that are far worse- such as going to the eye doctor: I hate that creepy feeling of having my eyes dilated and then there's that stupid air shooting machine- startles the heck out of me everytime--and I know it's coming! Oh, and I never got boob stickers either (from a mammogram or the eye doctor for that matter.)

What is it with drs wanting to parade half the office through while your feet are in the stirrups? I had to have a colposcopy too and I think ended up having about 4 different people in the room. It just add that extra specialness to a already wonderful experience. After experiencing the "little pinch" I wanted to kick the dr in his privates and ask if that felt like a "little tap." I havent gone in and had my baseline mammo yet (Im 35 now) but Im going to go schedule one. Thanks for the reminder and the reassurance about the pain/discomfort level.

LMAO ahh the fun I love colposcopies! HONEST! not lol. I had 2 before they did a biopsy then I had to get a cryotherapy now thats fun.. liquid nitrogen squirted on your cervic anyone??? Ty btw for the honest mammo talk. Most everyone I know who's had 1 talk about how awful it is. I am only 30 but I was already dreading having to get it done..

Good for you, Dawn for getting the mammo and colposcopy done. Women so very often do not take time to care for themselves as they are too busy caring for the kids, hubby and home...and there's the internet too!

I have been working at an obgyn office this semester and I cannot tell you how many women fold their panties in their (folded) jeans. Gotta be neat for the internal exam. I do it too.

If you think the instrument used for colposcopy is scary, you should see what they use to insert an IUD....downright frightening!!

Once you have a couple of normal readings for your evey three month paps you'll be able to go back to yearly; don't worry, but do try to maintain the 3 month schedule, it's so important to stay on top of things.

Hi Dawn, I have been reading your blog for a few months now, but this is my first time posting a comment. I am really proud of you for posting about your mammogram and colposcopy (did I spell that right?) I am 41 and had my first mammogram last year. I was expecting it to be painful, after all the jokes I have heard over the years, and really, it was nothing. I have large breasts, so I was really afraid of the whole "squishing" thing. Honestly I think wearing a sports bra when I am near that time of the month is a whole lot worse! Truly! And for your readers who have confused colposcopy with colonoscopy, I have actually had a colonoscopy, and that wasn't all that bad either. The worst part was the prep. The evening before, you have to drink a quart of gatorade with a whole bottle of Miralax in it, and that cleans you out completely. During the actual procedure, they give you nice drugs and you get to sleep through it. If you are really nervous or afraid, talk to your doctor. I was terrified, and my doctor assurred me that he would keep me comfortable, and I would sleep through the whole thing. There is no reason to feel any pain at all during that test. My mom is a colon cancer survivor, so I had to have it done starting age 40, instead of age 50.

I had the uh, bip, bop, bi-bopsy 10-1/2 years ago, and I too was like "are you making salad with all that vinegar?" However, while I was exempt from the peanut butter topping, I did qualify for the cryosurgery--evidently I had teeth and hair in my sample. Not very cool or fun at 20 years old. So hope yours is fine and doesn't require anything further. This is why I am a big proponet of the gardisil (sp?) vaccine. If I ever have a girl, I will get her vaccinated with it to help lessen her chance of going through this less-than-fun cervical biopsy.Oh, and SAVE THE BOOBS! and all that good mammogram stuff...should be interesting how easily they can squish my little A's in a couple years, but I will be there, with bells on (them). :)thanks for sharing your experience...great personal PSA. :)

Well done Dawn. Hope the results are all good. Please all you girls who are still delaying GET OUT THERE AND BOOK THOSE TESTS!! They could save your life. Anyway, Dawn has told you what fun they are and free stickers too!

I've had a colpopscopy done before and the doctor never used vinegar and well, it did hurt and I started to cry which made my fairly young and obviously tender hearted doctor start to tear up. I actually had to calm him down.

But I have yet to get my mammogram. I'm due to go in next month for a baseline. It was good to read your account of it. I'm sure my hubby will look forward to the stickers.

That was well put & still funny.(the panties tucked under the clothes.) My hubby was with me last year at "some testing at the GYN" and I told him, "Isn't this silly?! I know I should just shock the Doctor & sling My bra over the little person skeleton! Because hun, although we've had five children together, my doctor has seen more of me then you have." (With the spekulum that is.)

As far as the Mammos, I am almost 34, so next year I will get mine done. Although the tech is going to have to get down on the floor to put the "snap" on & I will have to tell her/him, "Lift with your knees, not your back!" Not because I am well endowed, but because my boobs suffer from Empty Sock Syndrome! After five kids, gravity is working against me. I think boob lifts should be offered after your 3rd child. "AAAAAAAAA!! WHERE DID THEY GO?.....oh....there down there....((((((blush))))))

Awesome post! You had me in stitches! Thanks for bringing both of your "party" activities to full light. Been there...mammo, colp, cryo, and colonosc. When the ob was doing the colp, she took about 20 minutes...said my cervix kept moving away from her every time she tried to get a snip!!! Like I made it happen! Like so many of your posts above, it is sooooooo important to get checked. Cancer has no regard to age, religion, race or boob size. As long as there are women like yourself who can reach so many, we can get the word out and beat this thing!

Those boob stickers, I didn't get any. I have to go back for another MAMMO in 6 months and you better believe I will be asking for them.

Seriously, the MAMMO is not bad. Maybe, maybe a momment of discomfort. But it is over so quickly.

The colposcopy is not a nice test. I had mine done on Friday. The last one I had done was 15 years ago. Compared to that nightmare this one was a piece of cake. It was painful and very uncomfortable and then it got really really bad. Tears in my eyes bad. It took about 30 minutes and I was able to walk out ok. Lots of cramping for 2 days some worse then others. But it is doable.

I do bereavement counseling with a hospice, and sometimes I hear sad stories about women who were too modest or apprehensive to have those tests. I'm glad you did! I'm really good about the cancer screens.

Now that I'm 53 and have had parts of me looked at, multiple times, I get more embarassed by being an overweight undressed woman than by just being undressed... and I tuck my panties in too!

Sorry I havn't posted in a while, I went off and had a baby girl :) She's 3 weeks old now!

I also hide my bra and undies, but my theory is.. if I start leaving them out in the open at the doctor's I'm more likely to leave the bra out in the open at the massage therapists, which would be bad!!

My colp.. however it's spelled, ended up needing a freezing treatment. They asked me if I wanted to see it on TV ROFL! I was like... you're video taping this? They said no, we can just turn the live feed on and you can watch what we're doing lol. So then there I am going "yeah I wanna see this!!" So I had the TV on lmao. My Hoo Ha was a celebrity lol. But really, how many times would I ever get the chance to see? I couldn't resist lol.

Dawn, you must get out more if having a pap is relaxing and fun. Although I must say the last time I had one I actually said, "Time sure flies when a speculum is involved." My midwife gave me quite the look. I think its important to laugh about the pain and humiliation of such procedures. So, thanks, I appreciate it.

you know....SOMEBODY learned to remember the hard way to not forget to take off those boob stickers, cuz IF you go in front of a huge audience and the lights dim during the performance, the POINTS will GLOW *giggle*

Ah, yes, I hide the 'roos too when I go in for those kinds of check-ups. I had to go in recently to see a surgeon about abscesses that I've been getting recently. Met this doctor for the first time that day and five minutes into the "visit" she had me strip down(I've been getting the abscesses near the inside of my leg/groin area) and didn't leave. I was shocked. Like, she was going to see it all in a second anyway, so why bother leaving? She still gave me something to cover up with though, that seemed silly to me.

The good news was that her looking in "the area" ultimately guaranteed me NO surgery for the time being, so that made for a good day for me.

I'm glad to hear that the appts went well! I'll be 30 this year(next month) and have started having some momentary freak outs about breast cancer. I was telling my mom awhile back how I need to get a mammogram just to ease my mind and she told me "you're the only person that I've heard of that WANTS a mammogram and even several years before they even recommend it. You're such a hypocondriac!"

My mother had breast cancer at 32 and is now a lively 60 year young woman. Her mother and father both had breast cancer - yes her FATHER had it, that always freaks the technicians out when I go in - and her grand mother had it. Her mother and grandmother died from breast cancer. I'm now 42 but have lived my entire life in fear of this disease. My first breast lump and biopsy was at 16, at 23 I had a double biopsy...that was fun! I've had yearly mammograms since I was 30 and had my first one in my twenty's. This year I had another scare and went in for a breast MRI. The MRI rocked! I've been able to not think about breast cancer for weeks now because the MRI put my mind at rest. I now get to go to the breast surgeon every six months just to be on the safe side but it's better than the alternative. If I can go through so many exams, aspirations and biopsy's anyone can! I've had mammograms that were VERY uncomfortable and one's that didn't hurt at all - I think it depends on how sadistic the tech is! For the most part though, mammograms aren't that bad.

I'm so disappointed this morning. I so thought Rick would have had some comment on this subject and quickly scanned down the list to find his, to no avail. Boo hoo. Besides you giving me the biggest chuckles ever Dawn, Rick gets his punches in too! I was just wondering his take on this subject - hee hee. Thank you for linking me to your past post about the book deal, sometimes I just don't get a post and think you're taking a well deserved day off only to find that it was not a day off but a rather IMPORTANT post that I missed. I thought I was pretty good about checking everyday as well. You know us addicts have to have our "Dawn" fix once a day to make sure we get our laugh meter taken care of.

Wow! Thank you so much Dawn. I just went for my yearly exam last week and was told I need to go have a mammogram. (I just turned 35) I went ahead and scheduled it, but have pretty much been living in dread ever since. At least now I know it is not as bad as I have convinced myself it would be. You have really eased my mind. You're the best! ~Julie in NC

Is it just me, or do any other moms feel MORE sensitive about doctors messing around with your hoo-hah? I've somehow got it into my head that, after pushing kids out of there, I'm entitled to have the whole area left alone by medical professionals and their various implements. Not that I carry this logic through...I go for all my regular check-ups...I just feel more hard-done-by than I used to.

Dawn, thanks so much for this post. Two years ago I was sexually assaulted while under anesthesia for surgery, and the resultant PTSD does NOT play well with any medical setting whatsoever. I was completely hysterical during my last Pap smear and it set me so far back that, sad to say, I doubt I'll have my next one as scheduled. But reading this definitely helps. Thanks for your funny and reassuring take on it and the reminder that it's necessary and not all that bad in the grand scheme of things.

During my last colposcopy the doctor had me cough when she took the sample. Still not comfortable but it did distract me from the pain. Just a little tip. She also had me take something like 10 Advils before the proceedue...something else to ask about if you ever have to have another one. (I hope you don't because they are not pleasant!)

Seriously, all women should go directly to heaven. No need for exminiation of actions while they are on earth. Doesn't matter. There should be a separate isle for women that lead them directly to Jesus. "Oh, you're a woman, right this way..."

Oh I so feel you on the Colpolscopy. I have had a total of four of them and then wound up having to get the LEEP procedure earlier this month. Oh that was fun let me tell ya. Nothing like the doctor telling you ok your going to feel some pinches while inject this Novocaine in your cervix. I think that was beat by the pain of the ground sticky pad thing they put on my leg being removed. Then there is the sound of the machine it sounds like a vacuum and I kept thinking "Ok what are they really doing down there?" I too have to have repeat paps every three months oh joy. Haven't had to do the mammogram yet but will be getting that done soon too I'm sure.