Hm...you've done a beautiful job with the imagery and the phrasing in this poem, but I think that you focussed so much on that that you forgot to make your point, the transition you mentioned in the summary. Maybe I'm just stupid or blind, but to me this seemed a little obscure; I didn't really see what you were getting at. It's OK to not be getting at anything, but you said in your summary that you were trying to, so...

..well yup. when you asked me to review it i got worried because normally i'm used to having to review bad work...BUT...this piece is genuinly really good. you have a good command of appropriate imagery. I can't quite decypher the message because i've only had a quick read. but thats my problem not the writer's. so yeah good job. nice structure too. I hate FP's poor layout thing where it spaces the lines out. just change the br 's to p 's in verses in the edit section on the upload bit. yup so bye.