Tuesday, February 28, 2012

It is finally time to finish the last flick from my trip to
Family Video last weekend. Of all the movies I picked up, this one actually
seemed based in reality more than the others did. In these days of assaults and
murders prompted and searched for online, this definitely seems right for the
times. Being from the creators of SAW was just a bonus. The flick is VLOG from
2009.

Plot/ From the producers of SAW, VLOG is a groundbreaking
extreme-horror film about a real-life webcam girl whose online murder is not
what it seems.

When I saw this one at the video store, I was excited. The
premise seemed interesting, and with all of the craziness that takes place
online between blogs, vlogs and sites like craigslist, this seemed right up
that alley. While it was all that, it was quite anticlimactic as well. Yes,
there was a touch of realism, some awesome gore (but not enough) and the ending
was a decent twist, there was just not enough. Unfortunately, the pacing was a
bit slow, there was not enough death, the storyline was uneven and the
performances were bland. Honestly, if they could have built upon the scenes of
gore (the exploding bong was definitely worth a double-take), this could have
been an awesome flick. Instead, it was an average horror film and nothing
special. You can check it out if you want to, but do not hold out high hopes.

Two years ago, as part of the the 10th Anniversary Blobfest, they had a short film script-writing contest to offset their short film contest. As a writer it was a challenge to in 500 words or less, create the missing scene from The Blob.

If you are familiar with the movie, this would be about what happened in the bar on Second Street that is talked about in the movie but never shown. In scene 240, Sgt. Burt recounts how he stopped at the Second Street bar while making his rounds, finding no one there. Also, when two of the teens stop in another bar to help rally the town against the monster, the bartender tells them about some excitement at the Second Street bar earlier that night.

While my entry did not win, I held my head high as it was the first screenplay of any type that I finished.

Here is the Script:

239A. CAMERA PANS PAST HARLEY JOHNSON BEHIND THE BAR AND DOLLIES IN ON MARTY WATSON AND THE DEER TROPHY HANGING ON THE WALL ABOVE THE JUKEBOX.

TIGHT TWO SHOT MARTY AND THE DEER FAVORING MARTY (IN A JOVIAL MOOD).

MARTY: (TO HARLEY) it’s about time for a hunting trip. I was talking about it earlier at work, some of the guys are heading out this weekend. Buddy up here on the wall could use a friend.

HARLEY: (STOCKING GLASSES BEHIND BAR) Yeah, it has been a while. I remember the trip when we bagged that one.

MARTY: That was a cold one… The wife still reminds me of how sick I got when we came back. I’d readily do it again though; it’s about time to get away.

HARLEY: Same here, though, Ida would just prefer me saying around town, playing bridge or attending the gardening club meetings. Ever since Bobby left for college, it has been the same thing.

MARTY: I miss those trips with Bobby and Joe. What is Bobby up to these days?

HARLEY: Bobby is good, studying medicine, wants to be a doc. He says, everyone gets sick and there is a fortune to be made in medicine. I hope he is right; this education is costing me a fortune. So, give me a big tip tonight (LAUGHS).

MARTY: (STILL LOOKING AT DEER) Sure thing buddy. I wonder if we can get ol’ Joe to join us. I haven’t seen him since he moved up into the hills after his wife was killed on the highway.

HARLEY: Yeah, he took that hard. It has been almost two years now. No one has really seen him. Say… I have Monday off, let’s go up Old North Road, find him and make plans.

MARTY: Sounds great, just like old times.

CAMERA PANS TO THE EDGE OF THE BAR AND SHOWS THE BLOB CREEPING TOWARD HARLEY.

HARLEY: (PLACING WHISKEY BOTTLE ON BAR) I can pick you up around 4… What the… (DROPS BOTTLE – SHATTERS) Marty!

MARTY: (TURING TOWARD BAR) What is going on over there? HARLEY… You there? Harley stop fooling around, you think you are one of those kids? Kids these days, HARLEY!

Sunday, February 26, 2012

Now that we have been in Pennsylvania for roughly four months, I have
really started to miss the Troma onDemand station on our Comcast cable system.
I love schlock, low budget and independent flicks and Troma has delivered some
awesomely entertaining ones over the years. Unfortunately, now my only chance
to catch some are on Netflix, pick them up at a convention or maybe at Family
Video, vice in my living room on a regular basis. I wish Atlantic Broadband got
a Troma Channel, but Hell, I doubt that happens anytime soon. To my amazement
Friday when I was at the video store, I saw those magical words “Lloyd Kaufman
and Michael Herz Present a Troma Team Release,” the film Blood Oath from 2007.

Plot/ A group of friends on a weekend camping trip decide to
investigate a local urban legend. The trip will change their lives as they are
forced into a fight for survival against a horrific monster.

For me, I love films from Troma and there is no better
example of low budget schlock out there. Yes, they will never win an Academy
Award, but that is not their intent. Whenever you watch one, you should already
know that technically they may be flawed and the storylines are ridiculous
(but, usually feature blood and boobs). Although this movie started promising, it is no different, heaping the ridiculousness with cliché after cliché, crating something laughable albeit maybe too over-the-top (even for Troma). Really, some of this
is beyond terrible, the cinematography varied from contrived to bad, the effects absurd
(wow, floppy cocks), and the script horrid (some of the worst dialogue ever). Honestly,
it pains me to say that even for me and my love of No Budget Indie Flicks, Troma and bad B Movies, it
was hard to watch (even the twist ending). In the end, unless you are running a midnight horror show and need a modern twist on a 1980s slasher / comedy, stay far away from this
one, it is THAT BAD!

Saturday, February 25, 2012

This is going to be part of my zombie epic (if I ever get around to finishing it). Unfortunately, I am unsure which character is speaking to me with this one. I am sure I will figure it out in time...

It haunts me in times of solitude
A vague whisper of a dream I can almost remember
The lingering warmth of a forgotten touch
I sense it there, in the darkness
In the quiet moments of times I can barely recall
Resting on the limits of my reason
It calls to me, urging me to cry out
Only to have my voice echo into nothingness
It is a history that was written in stone ages ago
And every figure of it has faded away
To leave me here to live in the shadow of a wraith
A vision of what was and a lost wish of what may be
I know it, and I know it is there
It waits for me to discover it once more
To unearth the secrets it holds and find myself
Because without it I am but an undefined impression of possibilities
It becomes me as I have always been a part of it
A promise that has existed since the dawn of thought
A gift inherent in the very fabric of the soul
But it hangs shrouded by the hopes of man
Concealed in ghostly images of all that it should have been
Here in the silence I hear it through the veil of time
And its words reverberate in the core of me
I quiver, though in fear or anticipation I cannot be sure
All my knowledge of it is an amorphous conglomeration of confusion
To reach out, to grasp it, to understand
But it is the phantom that lurks over my shoulder
That dream I can almost touch
It visits the edge of my memories and lines them with silver
It comes to me while I am alone with the past
And its vanishing countenance stays with me

After watching Psychosis last night, I decided to change
things up and watch something with a more post apocalyptic feel in honor of
reaching the 300-day mark on the apocalypse countdown. While I have no doubts
that we will all be here on December 22, the idea does make for some good fun
(as well as an excuse to start hitting the bucket list). Fortunately, there is
a lot of material out there to help quench my end of the world cravings; this
one is the 2009 Sci-Fi /Horror entry Bio-Dead.

Plot/ After a biological disaster wipes out millions, a
rescue team finds themselves under attack from something even more deadly than
they ever imagined - zombies in need of human flesh.

This low budget Sci-Fi / Horror flick has a lot of
unfulfilled potential. Once you get through the initial stages (half-hour or
so), the film (for the most part) features surprising cinematography, decent
scenery and a sound post-apocalyptic atmosphere. Unfortunately, some of the
overall feel and entertainment value is lost in the finely manicured sets (the
locations looks cleaner than my man cave), uneven script and flawed lighting. In
the end, it did boast some good moments, had some originality and was somewhat
entertaining. While I will not recommend this for everyone, if you are fan of post
apocalyptic movies, you may find this one interesting.

When I went to the local Family Video to pick up some stuff
last night, I grabbed some lower budget horror as well as some darker stuff for
the girls. OK, maybe Scooby Doo and the LakeMonster
is not dark or totally for the daughters, but hey, who can pass up Scooby Doo? I
know I am a sucker for Scooby. The first movie I decided to watch (after
Scooby) was 2010s British horror entry Psychosis.

Plot/ In 1992 a group of young Anarchists braved the snow
covered wilderness to set up camp against the construction of a motorway
by-pass. A terrible fate awaited them. 15 years later Susan, a successful
horror novelist and sensitive soul relocates from her native California to the rural English countryside
in search of peace. It is here that Susan's living nightmare unfolds.

When I started watching this flick, I had no idea it
was actually a remake of the 1986 anthology film Screamtime (the second segment
Dreamhouse), but I got the feeling that I had seen it before. Sure, that could
have been from the linear clichéd storyline, stale dialogue, uneven pacing or rigid
performances, but there was definitely something familiar. Yes, the ending was
a bit of a twist I was not quite expecting, but that was not enough to make this
one stick out in my mind as memorable. To be honest, I have seen worse and I did not fall asleep, so it
was not all bad. However, there is no way I could recommend this for anything
more than background noise when working (if you are like me an enjoy working to
the sounds of horror).

Friday, February 24, 2012

As February starts winding down (still waiting on a picture
of my Exorcist Birthday Cake), I decided to take a couple days away from the
computer.However, with it being Friday,
and snow in the forecast, I ran to the video store for some flicks for the
upcoming week. Before I get to those, it was time to finally sit down and
finish the last movie from the previous group, the 2009 slasher starring Bill
Moseley, Blood Night: The Legend of Mary Hatchet.

Plot/ A group of teenagers celebrating Blood Night, the
anniversary of the death of a local axe murderer, Mary Hatchet, suddenly find
themselves face to face with the realities of her haunting. As they run from
the bloody rampage left behind, they will need to survive the night to expose
the truth behind the legend of Bloody Mary.

Ahhh, hitting the low budget horror section again (one of my
favorite venues). By now, anyone reading about this (or interested in) this
movie should already know that it is a B-movie, and it suffers from many of the
flaws that permeate through this genre. Really, this one follows the low budget
blueprint to a T, featuring a clichéd story, predictable scares, blood splatter
and gratuitous nudity. Yes, the opening sequence is decent (and bloody) and the
flick is rather entertaining, but it is really nothing to get excited about.
The acting is uneven, the gore (while bloody) is rather tame and the ending was
unsurprising (although the parts leading up to it was actually funny). In the end, this one is nothing new and fits right into the
genre. While not for everyone and far from perfect, I have seen A LOT worse.
Check it out if you want, I am sure you will feel the same.

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Growing up, I always liked mysteries, I always wanted to be a detective and work for the FBI. I wanted to go back in time and solve the Jack the Ripper case, yeah, I was a bit of a dreamer. I remember reading the book Journey into Darkness; for the first time seeing the demented minds of serial killers. The reality of what drove them and knowing that they could be standing next to me was a scary thought. Since then, I have always had a soft spot for movies based on serial killers (and occasionally write about them when I do write anymore). One of the latest movies I have watched on the subject was an interesting indie flick, Cyrus: Mind of a Serial Killer from 2010.

Plot/ An independent TV reporter and her camera operator interview a man in regards to a serial killer the man knew by the name of Cyrus. The man traces back through the story of the serial killer and why he became the monster he is.

Reality can be dark, and serial killers often make the world darker. Movies about serial killers can be hit or miss, with many suffering a clichéd death. That pain is felt on this one, as there are many cliché moments throughout. However, with this film being loosely based on the life of a real serial killer (Fritz Haarmann – the butcher of Hannover), those moments and some of the storyline should be a bit familiar (even if it is a movie). Overall, I found the storyline interesting (albeit a bit predictable), the acting solid with just enough of graphic visuals to keep things dark and even a bit disturbing (breastfeeding anyone?). Sure, some of the pacing is a bit slow and some of the characterizations are off, but those are easily overlooked. In the end, this flick is nothing new, but it was an entertaining trip into a story about a serial killer and his demented ways. Sure, it is not for everyone, but if you like movies based on serial killers, you should definitely like this one.

Monday, February 20, 2012

Yesterday when walking through the video store, I decided to
venture into the discount area to see what gems I could find. In all, I came
home with a handful of flicks that should make for some fascinating viewing
material over the next few days. Of course, I could have watched more had I not
worked today, but I guess that is what happens in the civilian sector. Oh well,
the first flick that I watched was an interesting endeavor, Headspace from 2005.

Plot/ Long-suppressed memories surface and Alex must face
the terrors of his violent past, a vanished older brother, a father who
abandoned both his sons, and a mother who was viciously murdered. The visions
intensify and he begins to experience intense headaches that ultimately cause
him to blackout. However, it is only the beginning of Alex's calamity. Friends
and neighbors are disappearing, and people are whispering rumors of a serial
killer. Menaced from all sides by the forces of evil, Alex must overcome his
past and contain his own deadly urges so he can discover the demons that haunt
him.

Sometimes when you look at a movie, you have high hopes and
things crash around you, others take that excitement and reward the viewer with
more than they expected. That is the feeling I got after watching this one.
Complete with a solid cast, this flick was an interesting and intelligent
little horror flick. The storyline works well, even with the apparently
underdeveloped subplots within the content of the complex story. The main
characters are solid, the effects tremendous, the performances decent, and the
cinematography is excellent. In fact, most of the movie is top-notch. Yes,
there are some flaws with pacing, some moments were predictable and there is some
choppiness in the storyline, but those are easily overlooked. In the end, this
is no bloodbath, but it is a creative and entertaining creature feature. If you
have not seen it, check it out!

Sunday, February 19, 2012

Turning 40 yesterday was so anti-climactic, although, I did
get some awesome stuff for gifts from the family (plus an AWESOME Exorcist-themed
Birthday Cake). Honestly, when you combine the Lonesome Wyatt CD and Those Poor
Bastards shirt from last weekend, with a new grill, a discarded religious
shrine box with real exorcism candles and a couple of sweaters, it was an grand
day. Of course, my birthday would not have been complete without watching
something dark. My selection for the evening was 2011s The Devil’s Rock. Really,
could I go wrong with Demons, Nazi’s, War and the Occult?

Plot/ Set in the Channel Islands on the eve of D Day, two
Kiwi commandos, sent to destroy German gun emplacements to distract Hitler's
forces away from Normandy,
discover a Nazi occult plot to unleash demonic forces to win the war.

Any time I see a Nazi and Occult themed piece, I am drawn
in. Unfortunately, these flicks sometimes do not deliver and I feel
unsatisfied. That definitely was not the feeling with this low budget entry
from New Zealand.
This intelligent, character driven horror flick has a lot going for it. The
storyline was interesting, the acting solid, the effects (more so bloody
scenery) were awesome and the atmosphere was tremendous. Yes, the opening was
not the greatest, the CGI (only used a little) was fair, and the lack of
overwhelming gore will turn some people off, but they should be the minority.
In the end, this smart and dark atmospheric gem should be seen and appreciated.
Especially, if like me, you love the mysteries of the Nazi and Occult connection.

Saturday, February 18, 2012

Finally, time to review the final movie I picked up at
Family Video last weekend. Yes, it is decently early in the day for a quick
review, but with it being my birthday, we will be having dinner at my mother’s
house this afternoon and I have no idea what time we will be home. The last
flick was pretty much the opposite of the other stuff I picked up, it was the
2011 Australian import (underground funded) The Tunnel from 2011.

Plot/ An investigation into a government cover-up leads to a
network of abandoned train tunnels deep beneath the heart of Sydney. As a journalist and her crew hunt for
the story it quickly becomes clear the story is hunting them.

For me, this Australian indie hand-cam docudrama style
flick is definitely one of the best entries in this genre. Yes, it is not
perfect, suffering from some poor pacing, strange plot development, little blood,
guts, and some small editing issues. However, there is a great deal of solid
acting, outstanding sound and the atmosphere seem genuine and creepy (I would
definitely not want to be stuck there). In the end, this was a very
entertaining and atmospheric trip into darkness and very enjoyable. If you are
fan of found-footage mockumentaries, you should truly enjoy this one. If you do
not like that sort of thing, stay away.

Friday, February 17, 2012

Funny how weeks work, yesterday, I was exhausted as I was
still recovering from the Hackensaw Boys, who put on a tremendous show at The
Rex on Wednesday. I know that I wrote on here. Hell, I could barely remember that
I did so. Tonight, after a small nap, I feel much better. I hope that feeling
carries over into tomorrow, as my birthday finally arrives. With the birthday
in the air, I decided to continue with the more comedic material I have watched
recently with Slashers Gone Wild! from 2006.

Plot/ In search of a headline that will make her a household name,
a reporter uncovers a forbidden world of decadent madness and murder. She
uncovers a horrific website where dark twisted souls upload footage of their
crimes. These demented monsters are competing for their spot as SLASHER OF THE
YEAR. Will she be able to withstand the gut-wrenching horror as countless lives
are vanquished before her eyes? Will the slashers be relentlessly slaughtered
by the demonic Kevin Tooler and his undead army of ghouls? Who will survive and
live to tell?

Cheesy B horror movies can be a mixed bag from good to
horrible. Fortunately, there are times where these low budget entries can be
more than just cinema fodder, they can at least be entertaining schlock. That
was the case with this one. Yes, technically (and functionally) it is bad. The
acting ranges from so-so to poor, the effects were laughable and the plot was exaggerated.
However, that is just fine with this one, as the comic elements were hilarious,
the gore was aplenty (even if the effects were low-grade) and as over-the-top
as it was, the entirety of the mess worked well together. In the end, this will
not win an academy award or even be confused with a good movie, but if you like
horror / comedy with outrageous (but cheap) gore, you may enjoy this one.

Thursday, February 16, 2012

After a day away from the blog, I decided to jump back into
things literally with a bang. OK, I do not have a gun or fireworks to shoot
off, but there was enough of that kind of exaggerated action in this flick to
make Republican’s smile or giggle inside. Hell, I bet the democrats cringe at
stuff like this (especially someone as idiotic as Tipper Gore, who ruined the
creative process in the United
States). What is it you ask? It is Bitch
Slap from 2009.

Plot/ When three curvaceous babes, stripper Trixie, business
executive Hel, and the feisty ex-con Camero, arrive at a desert hideaway to
steal a stash of diamonds from an underworld kingpin, things quickly spiral out
of control. Allegiances are switched, truths are revealed, criminals are
unmasked and nothing is quite what it seems as the fate of the world is
precariously balanced among this trio of sexy femmes fatales.

As soon as I read the case on this one, I had a
feeling that it would be some sort of Russ Meyer tribute, something that would
warm my heart on these cold nights. Fortunately, that was pretty much what it
was. Yes, it was an over-exaggerated, bad B-movie, but that is exactly what it
was supposed to be. Actually, this was an entertaining and fun romp through
classic exploitation / grindhouse cinema. It had everything that made those
flicks awesome; big boobs, cheesy dialogue, creative camerawork, cool gadgets, and over-the-top
action (and did I mention hot chicks with big boobs). Yes, there was uneven to
poor acting and a unfortunate soundtrack, but it all seemed to come together to
form an amusing action flick that pays homage to a generation of movies that
should never be forgotten. Sure, it is not for everyone and anyone expecting a
masterpiece should stay away, but if you are fan of low budget exploitation
cinema, definitely check this one out.