He Needs Space, Here’s What You Do

You’ve been dating for a while and things seem to be going well in your relationship. You really couldn’t have asked for a better boyfriend. He supports you, tells you you’re beautiful, and really goes out of his way to do things for you.

What the hell does he need space for? Everything is going great! Aren’t they…?

Why He Needs Space

There are many reasons why your boyfriend might out of the blue say “I need space,” but in fact it’s something he’s probably been contemplating for a while.

Men tend to make decisions rationally, whereas women tend to make decisions based on emotion. I could be stereotyping a bit but for the most part, and from my perspective, this is true.

Now based on that rationality, here’s why he’s said that he needs space from your relationship.

He’s A Young Man

There’s a funny joke that says “if women could get boners, they’d get them more than men!”

As a man, I find that hard to believe and highly doubt that women are hornier than men. But if they are, then enlighten me with some scientific research.

It’s biologically embedded into the male DNA to want to reproduce. We were blessed with reproductive instruments that aren’t shy to say hello when the feeling of sex enters our brain.

So since men are so sexual and because it’s human nature to want more, the lust for variety sets in. Doing the same thing over and over again with the same person would eventually become boring. Unless of course you being to treat your man to spontaneous sex in different places.

A young guy doesn’t want to “settle down” quite yet. He still wants to live, to breathe, and to ultimately continue to have new experiences without emotional restraints.

You’re Being Too Clingy

It is 100% natural for two people who spend entirely too much time together to get sick of each other. Disagree? Take this for example…

Have you ever had a friend stay over for a few nights for whatever reason, and at first you thought it would be totally cool, but then 3 days later found that they had gotten on your every last nerve?

This is because of habits and the interruption of theirs within yours. If you have a set routine of things you enjoy doing and then all of a sudden your friend stays over for a few nights, well now all of a sudden your friend is naturally going to interrupt your pattern of habits.

And unless human’s are making the conscious decision to change their own habits for themselves without being influenced or impacted by someone else, they don’t like change.

So the same thing goes for you and your boyfriend.

If he asks for more space, it’s because you’re interrupting his routine! He has things to do and although he enjoys spending time with you, he still needs to have his sense of solitude. To be around the guys, to sleep in his own bed by himself, to go an entire day (yes ladies one day away from your boyfriend isn’t going to hurt) without hearing from you.

Men are naturally independent predators who prey on single women. So all of a sudden when in a relationship, and no longer independent or preying, if his entire nature suddenly shifts, it’s going to aggravate his natural way of being and therefore he will become annoyed of your clingy-ness.

You’re Doing Too Much Of “The Little Things”

Most other relationship websites will tell you to keep doing the little things. Here’s the deal, when you do to much of the “little things,” (although it’s appreciated) it loses it’s value over time and will begin to be annoying.

Example: It’s sort of like having a dog. When the dog is a puppy, you want to sleep with it, cuddle, give it attention, kisses, take it to the park, etc. However, over time, these little things can begin to seem like an annoying chore.

When you’d come home and your dog would jump on you as a puppy, you loved it. Now that the sucker is 60 pounds plus, you no longer enjoy it. It’s breath has gotten stinky, the tongue is too much, the dog sheds a ton of hair, etc.

Catch my drift? He needs space.

Now this isn’t to say that you’re a dog, nor are you being compared to a dog. Instead, what is being compared is the repetition of the “little things” over and over again. What was once new and appreciative, is no longer new (although still appreciated).

And when new is new, it’s exciting. When old is old, it’s boring and bland.

So if you’re always cuddling up against your boyfriend when watching tv, texting him 24/7 to see what he’s doing or where he’s at, calling him all the time to “check up,” and last but not least – staying the night at his house all the time – your cuteness can and will eventually be mistaken for annoying-ness.

What Do You Do About It?

Men are very simple creatures. So the what’s the best solution to solve your relationship? Give him some space! If he says he needs space, don’t be concerned, it is quite normal particularly for guys who are entering into their first serious relationship.

The funny thing about guys is that we want space, but when you give us too much of it we think the absolute worst. We think you’ve forgotten about us or that you’ve even stopped caring.

So ultimately you just need to have balance in your relationship. If you’re always texting him to tell him about your horrible day at work, maybe stop with the negativity and vent it off to one of your friends or to an online forum or something.

If you’re staying the night 7 days a week, cut it down to 3 days per week. This is going to give both of you the time to have your own personal life experiences that are really going to be beneficial for your relationship when you come back together the day after.

You’ll actually have something to talk about!

Finally, if you’re talking about the marriage thing a lot, kids, saying I love you too much or anything else that implies the rest of your lives together, keep it on the low.

The last thing a man wants to do is to force an emotion that he doesn’t feel yet. Like a safe with a combination, the code to a man’s heart is patience, kind gestures in moderation, and lots of sex. Lots and lots of sex. 🙂

It is perfectly normal for a guy to suggest that he needs space at some point. Or he if doesn’t actually say he needs space, he is probably thinking it

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carolJune 3, 2016

it hurts so bad my eyes are continuously full of tears he say ge needs space becoz he needs 2 find a jod n im spoiling him by giving him money if he askbut its not over but it feels over he neva done anything 4 me but just take financially n emotionally but we hav a 2year old wu loves him dearly n i really luv him n i dont wnt it 2 be over wat do i do

Ive been with my boyfriend for a almost 1 1\2 yrs. Before we met I was happy and content being single and knew what I wanted in a relationship after being married and dating. I lost hope thinking theres know way it could ever happen until I met him. He was everything I ever wanted! It was like a dream come true. And the feeling was mutual because we both had experienced alot of hurt and pain in our past and we understood. We also gave each other our word that if one of us no longer felt what we feel we would inform each other instead of carry on and inflict hurt and pain. We had future plans, we lived together and he has inspired me in so many ways and brought things out in me I never knew existed. He’s my first true love, and I’m 38. He got injured at work a few months ago and he slowly changed for the worse. Regardless what came our way I thought we would both love each other unconditionally. I came home from work one day and him and his belongings were gone I was devastated especially doing what he did knowing I have abandonment issues. He was back in a few days and it has happened a few more times since then. Not sure what he’s trying to tell me cause he is shut down. Every time he came back we’d talk and id be the one to lame one way or another. He’s been gone for over a week and ism so heartbroken. Ive expressed my love for him and would do anything for us. Sad thing is I know some of the stuff is wrong and I never should allowed him back the first time but I believed in us and understand he’s going through not working and being a provider but that’s no reasoning to punish me or turn away. K just feel my feelings are of no concern to him and not sure if I’ve been cheated this entire time… he isn’t the person I fell in love with and if I feel deep down he’s struggling but at this point I’m losing my self dignity. Suggestions would be great.. thanx

Do not walk …run. I had 8 yrs of a guy doing the disappear act while u hold on. It is not worth it and in the end u will thank your self for letting go. He doesn’t even respect u enough to ask for space he just leaves. He’s being selfish and showing u red flags that this is who he is. Not just going through a hard time. When a person shows u who they are the first time ,believe. Em.

Well ive been in a relationship with my boyfriend for a month and at first didnt want a relationship due to being hurt from my long term relationship and i was mean and selfish to him and it hurted me because i was being selfish and unnappreciative but last week we got into a fight and i called it off but he wants a break now that i realized what ive done trust me i hate myself for it and i want him back but he says i need space and give me time but im afraid he will take too much time and say its over and i want us to be friends and i dont want that i want to apologize more and more and want to start over because i was immature and defensive on my attitude and im just sorry i suppose im still fragile since my longterm…. i dont want to loose my boyfriend of now

My boyfriend also told me two days ago he doesn’t want to be with me after a silly argument because he needs space. We have concerts and a holiday he still wants to go on but he keeps texting me which is making me confused because I think he wants to do these things as friends which will be impossible for me tbh. A few days before he said he didn’t want to be together and wanted space, he said he was unsure then didn’t know what wants. He knows I would do anything for him. I cried my eyes out in front of him as you could imagine but text him and told him the next day I was sorry for being emotional and I respect his decision for space and I don’t regret our time together. He said the same and that the space will probably do us good and maybe make him appreciate all I do for him who knows what the future holds etc. He did not have a good relationship with his ex before me who he shares a son with and it can be difficult for him time to time and financially as he rents on his own incl other bills. Yesterday I told him if he wants his space we should cool the contact for a while (as much as we enjoyed texting for the first time in over a week) as he wont know how much space he needs until he has it. He made a joke saying until one of us texts first lol. It is killing me already! Like this article stated we texted all the time and spent a good mount of time together, we got on and do get on like a house on fire with similar interests but I think we have fell into a routine that obviously isn’t working for us at the moment. When has lead to our separation which I hope is temporary and not long term. I jotted down a few points after reading this article as it has opened my eyes. I have been clingy! He was so used to having his space in his apartment and I think I have invaded his space a bit which he doesn’t mind but need his time too. I will try to be strong and not contact him and give him the space he needs in hope he comes back to me.

Thank you for writing this article it was really informative and has made me see how this differs in both our situations and not to overthink things (which us women cannot help).

I’ve been with my boyfriend a little over a year and everything has been really great, we’ve gone on trips together, we see each other once or twice a week because we both work a lot of hours, we’re both very close with the other’s parents. We still go on dates and do romantic things together and everything seems fine to me. We started to talk about marriage a few months ago and he was really into it and we even went to try on rings together (his idea). After that he mentioned he wasn’t as ready as he thought and I’ve left it alone ever since then so I don’t pressure him in any way. It’s not a race and I do want him to be sure. So life went on and everything is fine and out of the blue he comes over crying saying he needs a break but won’t give me any reasons why. He just kept saying he loves me and doesn’t want to hurt me or lose me. I asked him a few questions to try and work out what might be the problem. I asked if he’s not happy and he said “I’m not, not happy” which I don’t even understand. Basically he gave me no explanation at all whatsoever. (Also there is no possibility he’s cheating so that’s not even a consideration). What could he be thinking????????

Hey mrperspective..
Glad you shared this informative piece. However I have a question for you.. what if it’s the other way round? I asked my boyfriend for space because I felt like I was being too needy and clingy, and he was being distant because he had work stress and other stuff going on with him. When I asked for space he immediately shut me out and we haven’t spoken in a month. Does it mean that men can ask for space, but they aren’t willing to give it? Does this advice relate to men as well?

Hi , my boyfiend of almost 2 years broke up with me out of nowhere…the second week of the new year. He said that he needed space to find himself and that he did not feel connected to me the last 2 weeks. We had just spent a romantic night at the hotel..he had to work on new years night..but we still seen ech other, he works nights and is 20. He has a lot of family problems going on and is trying to get his own place this year. He broke up with me but said he wanted to be friends…he text me everyday after as if everything is normal…he does not show his feeling well he smokes weed to numb his pain everyday…I feel like im so confused .he deactived his facebook account (he told me he was cuz he was over it and trying to focus on himself) ..i feel like he is depressed or something is deeply going on wronf with his family that he doesnt want to talk about…he has taken care of himself mainly all his life and he tries to handle everything by himself …i dont know what to do !!! I still love him but i am single and maybe his friend.

I being with my boyfriend for almost 5 years ,every time we have a fight he breaks up or ask me for space ,everything was doing really well,until we had an argument about him mentioned her exgirfriend from 10 years ago ,I overreacted and was bad ,but the next day I apologize to him and told him I was insecure and immature but he ask me for space ,don’t know what else to do ,miss him so much ,at this point of our RS, we should be done with spaces and breaks .