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I have wrote a few times about my older brother whom I have lost almost 13 years ago to suicide. I have realized within the years maybe I was meant to go through this to help others or maybe it was a lesson in life I had to learn. Even though my brother had his own share of problems he put onto himself, I think my brother was such a great person. He knew how to make me laugh, make me smile, and from what I remember we used to sing together. My brother was someone who I did look up to in life ,but now I can look up to him in the sky.

One person who I have been messaging on a message board asked me a question: What do you think are some of the positives or learning experiences you have taken from your brother’s death?

I replied:

“Since I was a little girl at that time, I think it did make me look at life a different way. Others that were my age just let life go and flash, in days and weeks. They didn’t appreciate what they have and how lucky their life is compared to others. It made me grow up and most importantly made me a stronger person. I dealt with something most people wouldn’t deal with. I faced something so tragic and turned it into a lesson for myself and now others can learn from. I can help others heal since I’ve been through this and make them see that they can make it too. It is something maybe one day you will reflect on and think “Wow I’ve been through hell and back, but I’m still strong.”

I hope by you talking to me , I can realize one day you will be healed like me.

It is life and life is beautiful despite what journeys you have to go through”

I think the experience I had myself will hopefully inspire others into healing. The person I help will make me think, I’m helping this person and since I’m helping this person, he will to will be thankful within the years.

I guess I was meant to be called into this world because God didn’t let me die. I have survived many things that no other person has survived, and I guess it came with this gift. I never believed in spirits or ghost for the longest time or God for that matter . After my oldest brother passed away I guess this is where my gifts started to open up.

I was only tweleve years and I didn’t understand what was going on. That day is still so fresh in my mind and yet I could remember my anxeity and my knowing that this person wouldn’t be here anymore after that day.

I questioned should I stay to prevent such a thing. Who could I talk to and should I explain to everyone that we needed to stay home. I ignored my feelings and later that night my brother was gone. Through all the shock and confusion to what happend ,I laid down low and pushed what I felt into my grife . I felt angered at myself and at God for giving me this . I would say I wish I never had this, I wish this was gone, so I stopped believeing in God.

My brother would come into my dreams frequently , but I remember my first dream where we both talked. My brother and I were sitting next to eachother. He had his long black curly hair pulled back into a pony tail and sitting there tuning his guitar like he always did. He looked into my eyes and said”Caitlyn, on earth this is you’re first life, Heaven is you’re second . Always, remember that .” Than he started playing his guitar again and the dream ended.

Many other dreams came after that when I was older. My brother would give me advice in current situations I was in. Mostly with boys and if he didn’t like them he would deffently tell me. I would start to take his advice because when it came down to it , he was right. Also I guess he wias still trying to do his big brother duties That’s when I started to believe I had a gift.

Obviously this was recently that I have come to and accepted what I do have. I can sense the spirits . I have a friend that is a medium. I came to her first and talked about what I have. She came up that iam a Empath.

I had to look up what exactly what a Empath was. I did reasearch on Google and found a websites for mediums, empaths. The empath boards has exactly what I had . The FEELINGS of spirits, their emotional and physical feelings. I could “see” spirits, flashes is what they look like . They sometimes can foucus their feelings into me so I guess I could speak for them.
My sense of smell is heightend. Meaning, I could smell a perfume or a cigar that maybe that spirit has used in their last life.

So I accepted that God has given me this gift for one reason it another. I recently told ny mother and she is accepting it . She dies ask me questions which is understandable considering my brother.

Sometimes, I think God gives these type of gifts to people because that is what he wants us to do. He wants to help others grife , or spirits relay messages into loved ones. I guess iam special that way. I guess maybe it is my calling.