When Kids Misbehave…in Church

There is something about church that seems to invite misbehaviour. Sometimes it’s me. Sometimes it’s not.

Last Sunday, my nine-year-old treated me like I was the spawn of Satan. Or worse, his mom.

I’m still not sure what I had done that morning to annoy him. It could have been (a) not letting him watch three consecutive hours of Phineas and Ferb; (b) insisting that he not leave the house wearing only underwear; (c) not letting him bring five books on sharks with him. Regardless, by the time we got to church, I was the enemy.

He sat far away from me, but not so far that I couldn’t see him scowling. That works out to be 8.5 feet, if you’re wondering.

He refused to smile at me.

Sometime during the sermon, Will pulled a pad of paper and a pen out of my purse. Then he drew his anger.

Some day, I’ll tell you about my own misbehaviour in church. It might make my kids seem angelic.

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My oldest doesn’t understand church is supposed to be a quiet area. She may ask me anything in the middle of a sermon (while she colors in the hymnals) in normal converastion voice. Her saving grace, She just started kindergarden this week but a few weeks ago sat down with me and read the Lords Prayer along with me during that part of the service; word for word. She struggled with her ‘transgressions’. Our youngest just cries all the time if she doens get her way so she stays in the nursery.

This is a friend’s story. Seriously. Not mine. Really. He was in church with his little one when he was distracted by laughter from many different people coming from behind him. The source of their amusement was coming from his son. His son, with an arm fully extended and index finger raised high in the air, was proudly displaying his freshly picked, enormous booger for all to see and admire.

This is so awesome! The Reds are usually fine in church, but I think that’s because our attendance is so woefully sporadic, that they forget, until we’re kneeling, how boring church is.

My kids like to save their foolishness for the doctor’s office. It’s embarrassing, really. It doesn’t seem to matter what I do: bring snacks, threaten to kill them, drug them beforehand…as soon as we get into that tiny room, they start to – literally – climb the walls, touching everything, pulling on stuff, each other.

Frankly, I blame them for the fact that I’ve not had a pap in four years – I’m afraid that my doctor hates me.

I think it was B – not letting him leave the house in underwear… That would have been very fun for you.

We once gave our 4 year old son and nephew a toonie to place in the collections basket that was being passed around. When it came to my nephew, he placed his toonie in the basket and passed it to our son who yelled out “No I need this to buy Star Wars!” and tryied to pass along the basket to someone else.

Despite everyone’s laughter I’m quite thrilled he understands the value of money… although he never did get to buy the star wars that day.

My 2 year old wants all of us to kneel down in church. ALL THROUGHOUT THE MASS and will scream like a deranged monkey if anybody tries to stand up or sit down. If that will make you feel any better. Kids! 🙂

LOL….my 3.5 year old DD (now 7) asked why Jesus (Catholic Church with Jesus on the cross at the front) was only wearing his underwear. It just happened to be quiet in the church at the time – everyone laughed! 🙂

When I was in elementary school, we had a separate service called Junior Church. I used to get on the floor in back and roll pennies under the seats toward the front of the room to hear the interesting sound on the tile floor. Also used to thump the bottom of the offering plate to make it sound like I’d put something in.

As a pastor I always welcome kids in church. They momentary disruption they may cause is, in the grand scheme of life, not a big deal. I think it’s more important for kids to see their parents involved in spiritual things – kids learn a lot through observation.

As for me, it’s especially embarrassing when it’s my own kids that are disruptive. My 6 year old has bum-rushed the platform before in the middle of worship to ask a question! 🙂

My Chicklets mostly misbehave when we are at home or a family member’s house. Out in public, on the rare occasion, they misbehave at a restaurant. Although it has never gotten to the point of a huge food-fight, we have had to quickly leave a few times. I think it is something all children do and I remember doing it myself at church; both as an adult and a child! I am glad that your son was mature enough to draw his anger out; what a great use of energy! Great parenting mom!!

My oldest had a hysterical crying fit during the Christmas Eve service when she was 6 because she lost the back of her earring. You would have thought something truly horrific had happened to hear her. I wanted to crawl under the seat.

You wouldn’t let him wear just his underwear to church? Momtime=no, indeed!! I’m surprised you got off with only angry drawings. Actually, you might wanna sleep with one eye open. It looks like he might have nefarious plans for your mouth area.

During the gospel reading (by their Pastor Dad) about households being divided (father against son, mother against daughter, etc.), my youngest was fiercely communicating her hatred of her sister and the importance of learning karate so that she could karate-chop her sisters head off. Anyone listening would have thought the side-show was staged. Not so, they were so wrapped up in their anger towards each other to be aware of the text of the day.

Oh yes. I remember misbehaving in church. I also remember the occasional week when someone would compliment my parents on how they managed to get all four of their kids to sit so well for church on the weeks we were good. Mom would smile like it was all her doing, but I knew she understood it was just a fluke! 😉

One of my son’s first words was “firetruck” but he pronounced it “f***up”. So every time he saw a firetruck, or a red truck, for that matter, he would yell out “f***up” “f***up”. We thought it was hilarious until one Sunday morning during prayer, a firetruck came by our church with its sirens blaring.

Our children, each on their own are pretty well behaved. Put them together and that’s a different story! Their favorite “let’s-monkey-around-till-mommy-flips” places include the doctor’s office (is it the pristine white that just begs for misbehaving?), store when we are grocery shopping, and occasional restaurants.

My mother accidentally slipped and cussed in front of our 4 year-old. She remembered it, and for a while whenever we would go out she would repeat what she heard in the most crowded and most silent of places. I was getting the evil eye constantly for that from others!

I should have plenty of kids misbehaving in church stories, ought to tell the story of the time that I threw a fit when the communion trays were passed because I wanted some of that grape juice snack. My dad dragged me down the middle aisle between the wooden pews by one arm as I kicked and screamed, then out the big wooden doors and down the concrete steps. Our car was parked in front, the doors didn’t close on their own. Dad wailed on me as the church watched, then guided me in front of him with the tears pouring down my face and dripping off of my chin (but quietly), back up the middle aisle to our seat. It was a small town church. I swear that people started clapping in appreciation for my dad.

I wasn’t going to tell that story. Oops. Should I tell stories from when I was a youth minister now?

Yesterday we were sitting behind a little girl who sat backwards in the pew for most of Mass, staring — without blinking — at my 13 yo son. While I would not disagree if someone were to suggest he’s the cutest 13 yo on earth, her obnoxious staring was quite distracting. Then I remembered what said cute teen was like when he was five. Like the time he bit my shoulder as a sign of peace. Then I wanted to reach over and hug the mama.

Being the Pastor’s family in a VERY small church makes my children’s behavior (and mine too) seem like it’s under the Hubble telescope. One day my fine hubby decided to take a video of his sermon. When he set it up no one was in the front row. When he went to go through it I said “Don’t bother watching the rest, all you are going to see is me slapping kids’ heads (not really…), giving them the mom stare, the “IF YOU DON”T STOP IT I AM GOING TO DRAG YOU OUT OF HERE” stare and then the finale, which you can guess. He was going to send this sermon away too. Thankfully (and act of God) I was present when he sat down to review it. My family filled up the whole bottom half of the frame. Funny stuff for future use…