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Sunday, December 21, 2014

Pre-Marital Sex: Love Lust or Luck? Who decides

Sex

S.e.x

S e x

Sex.. Now that I’ve got
your attention, let’s talk about it. Oh, not so loud? In hushed tones, discreet
coded words and whispers?

Why?

Because it is something we
are ashamed of doing..thinking..imagining..talking?

And if talking of sex isn’t
bad enough, I happen to be too young to talk of it? Not married, but crossed
puberty! Ah! Like the “khuli tijori” , “ghodi bina lagaam”, “kali kawari” tags
that the society entails upon us, we’re utterly vulnerable, on the verge of
tearing the hymen at any pretext, we love having chowmein and listening to
songs sung by hot guys and chicks ..

Well… wake up!

No, seriously?! At an era
when a girl reaches puberty at even 10 or 11years of age, we can tell her what
menstruation is but not tell her why it happens? What is the process of
conception of human beings and that we do not fall from the sky or that angels
don’t fly us down from the Heaven! Moreover, we expect that in this day and age
where internet is our biggest saviour, children won’t know what is porn,
chatting, or won’t enrol into social networking sites? Is that even possible?

Even doctors tell us that
sexual thought and sexual consciousness is an inevitable part of growing up.
Our body develops and certain changes take place that heighten our
inquisitiveness about them. It is a natural phenomenon!

These feelings are further
stressed upon by factors such as internet, peers, media, films etc. However,
the important point here is that “sex” is not just a social construct but
rather a biological one that is innate to a human.

When all of this is so
clear to us then what fails to make sense to me is that why this emphasis on “virginity”?
Post the advent of globalisation, liberalisation phenomena, men and women have
come together to build a strong global economy which includes a lot of hard
work, dedication and commitment. Hence, it is understandable that career has
taken a step ahead in the list of priorities for both men and women.

In such circumstances, as a
consequence marriage has taken a back seat. People have started marrying late
and focus on being stable before getting married. However this does not mean
that they don’t think of sex, or don’t feel the need for love, intimacy and companionship!
Like I mentioned earlier, it is a biological process. Then what is it that we
want when we say that “pre-marital sex is a sin/taboo” or that “pre-marital sex
is all about the body and not the heart and thus only lust”?

Such a mentality only
reflects how we have moved on with developments while we have kept one foot
still at the crease. How will we move ahead in that case? Let us not forget that it is pre-marital sex and not pre-martial sex. Blowing things out of proportion only leads to its bursting off loud, right?

I understand the
complexities of pre-marital sex. I am also aware of how hot this topic is; one
mention of it and the world comes running to you with an opinion. The point is
that irrespective of who think what and in spite of who thinks whether
premarital sex comes within the ambit of moral and ethical conduct of the
society or not, it is and it should be entirely up to two adult individuals to
agree on whether to have a sexual intercourse or not.

And no, a sexual
intercourse does not necessarily have to lead to marriage and kids and old age.
It can just be an expression of love between two consenting individuals and
that’s that!

I threw this topic up to a
bunch of my girlfriends- over texts, whatsapp, and even when I met some of
them. Almost 80% of them had not had sexual intercourse yet. However, about 90%
of them had had making out sessions, most of them had embarrassing ones or
quickies and they wished they had felt more comfortable during them. Out of
fifteen of them, only 5 admitted to masturbation while some others had doubts
regarding it. A common question to them was..

If they were given a
comfortable environment, say a room minus the hassles of the inquiry in hotels
or interference of parents or their attitude towards an unmarried couple in a
closed room, would they have had sex with their partner?

Almost all of them agreed,
and the ones who said no, said so because they didn’t trust their partner that
much, which is totally ok and in fact, good. One of my older friends in fact
retorted, “One must be open for sex. In fact, if you fall in love with a guy
and end up sleeping with him, don’t end up marrying him please!” That was an
interesting analysis coming from her because she is herself married. She
explained, “See, after you sleep with a man, he thinks, if you have slept with
him, there are chances that you may have done so before as well; as if you’ve
always been open to it!”
I asked how that was a problem. She may have been in love before! Even he could
have, right?
“Hahaha, for a boy it doesn’t matter whether he sleeps with one woman or a
hundred. But a woman can’t. It then affects her character. He may end up
marrying her, but he won’t respect her like before. He’ll doubt her somewhere
in his mind. And no, there are no exceptions!”

Well, that’s some food for
thought, ladies and gentlemen! I do not know how true or false this perspective
is! If you have an opinion regarding it, let me know..!

Sex is part of our palette
of things..along with the basic necessities of life..roti ..kapda and makaan..

While I am all for it, I do
think that is a very important decision. One must be fully aware of the
physical and emotional circumstances and must know how to deal with them. They
should go ahead only when they want to and trust their partner enough. Also, all
precautions must be taken with great care and knowledge about the
repercussions.

While the society should
not judge people on the basis of their sexual virginity (virginity of the mind
, well yes, now that must be explored further! J),
even we as responsible adults should make decisions that do not cause us
problems later on. Whatever we do in life, regret must not be one of them! Love
is a beautiful feeling and there is nothing wrong with sex, premarital or
otherwise. It should not be forced, it should not insult, hurt or degrade
others (by that I do not mean don’t make love because Mr.Sharma doesn't want
you to have sex and you having sex may hurt his sentiments.. That’s just
crass!) Jeeyo and Jeene do, is the clear funda. And yes, please spare us from
the weirdest forms of embarrassing PDAs(Public Display of Affection) and
seriously guys, GO GET A ROOM ! J

This post has been written
for the prompt “Pre-marital sex- Yes or No” hosted by Indiblogger in
association with Poonaam Uppal, who has written a book regarding the same
theme, A Passionate Gospel of True Love-A true Love Story . Do check the book out and if you liked this post, leave in a comment!
J
Thank you!If you are an Indi-Blogger then please do vote for my post HERE . You're awesome! J