About Me

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

I spent my 23rd birthday and Christmas over on the coast with my family. It was.... well.... interesting. My father did what my father does best; ruined my birthday. He was rude and cranky the ENTIRE time. Surprise surprise. I tried as hard as I could to ignore the fact that he didn't wish me a happy birthday, but it was almost impossible. My one and only saving grace was my best friend, Annette. She rescued me for the day by bringing me to her family's house for "dinner" and taking me to see a movie. By Christmas day, I was just beyond ready to be back in Redding, in my own atmosphere and space. My mother, bless her huge heart, did so much for all of us while we were home. She is amazing, and I don't think I could ever thank her enough. She is such an amazing woman, married to such a jerk for a man. I know it's horrible to say these things about my father, but after 23 years of being rude, selfish, and outright mean what should I say? I love the man, but I do not like him very much at all. I found myself clinging to my Heavenly Father throughout the entire five days I was home. I would just constantly ask Him for patience, kind words, strength, love, compassion, BOLDNESS, and generosity. Without HIM I would have never made it thorough the "holiday experience" with my family. Why is family so difficult? Why do they take it out of me? I missed my friends and family from Redding. I missed Red Robin, but don't you dare tell ANYBODY.

So, the worst part of this lovely return to Redding? I have to leave again in two days (well, two days from TOMORROW). Don't get me wrong, I'm STOKED to see Rachel (that's where I'm going, to Utah to see Rach) I'm just going to be gone for more time now. Oh well. This vacation is going to be the best ever. I love Rach, and I can't wait to see her. I'm just glad I made it through Christmas and my birthday. Ahhhhhhh

Sunday, December 16, 2007

Church was fantastic tonight. I spoke in front of everybody for the second service. I was super super nervous before I got up there, but once I was there, my nerves were calm! God is good. Dan Lance spoke tonight... He was great. He talked about pouring into each other... it's a brilliant idea, isn't it? Just the thought that not only do the poor and sick need us, we need each other.

I have finals tomorrow. I'm waking up really early to go study. I've been ridiculously calm about my finals all weekend long. The closer it gets, the less I worry. I guess it's like this: I'll study tomorrow, but after that, I can't do a whole lot about! I have one final each day of the week up until thursday. Then, I go home friday which is exciting! I get to see my momma. YAY. The only bad thing, is I have to work Tuesday, and I'm kinda sad because it's my last Lifegroup meeting.... I love my group. I worried that if I leave my group, my "leaderness" will just vanish... I don't know. Well, I'm tired, and I need to get some sleep. Today was a great day. I just feel amazing. Thank you God, it's all because of you.

P.S. The Myriad won! YAYAYAYAYA!! Can you believe it? The last winners were Taking Back Sunday and some other amazingly famous band. YESSSSS. okay, goodnight and lots of love

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Went running today for the first time in.... probably a month. It felt really good! I'm proud of myself because I was so close to staying on the couch all day long, but I got up, went running and now I feel wonderful. God is good isn't He??! My life seems crazy, out of control right now. I'm full of stress and frustration, and that's not what God wants at all. He wants me to enjoy my life, and love every minute of it.... why is that so hard for me? Can't I just trust in Him?

AHHHHH!

Okay, well on a lighter note, only 8 days until I get to see my absolute best friend in the WORLD. And only 11 days until my birthday. It seems like December just flew by.... After this Sunday, I'll be gone from church for 2 weeks. That will be the longest I've been away from the kids in months. Sometimes I wonder if they will miss me. I know, it's kind of a selfish thought, but they are just so wonderful, and they make my week so carefree and FUN! I want to do something special for them for Christmas, but I don't really know what.

Well, I have some last minute homework to finish up. I had better go. Praise the Lord for the day. It was beautiful!

"...one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all."

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

For some reason today I just feel "yuck" and kind of out of it. I took a test in my Science class today, and I went out of it feeling fairly confident, however after talking with some friends who also took the test, I think I just might have failed it. On top of that, I started looking at some pictures from high school (I've been graduated 4 years) and realized that I was about 20 pounds lighter then.... It's depressing!

Maybe it's just one of those days. Let's hope so! I want to feel better about myself...

Step 1: JOIN A GYM

Step 2: DIET PLAN (weight watchers?)

Step 3: DRINK MORE WATER

So which gym do i join? There are two close to where I live, so I was thinking about looking into those. But can I afford it? Is God testing me? I will have to pray about it. I'm just BLAH today. Plus, I have a TON of homework to get done. So so so so so so lame. I'm over school.

Monday, December 10, 2007

I'm not sure how to survive school. This semester is going to either kill me, or put me in a coma! I'm exhausted, my brain hurts, and I am yet to even enter finals week!! That's okay, right? I mean, two weeks... how rough could two weeks be? Well, off to do homework. I just have to pray, and let God take control.... this life is not for me, it's for Him! Oh, just help me remember

I had a very strange dream last night, about me, in a forest with a group of women. We were lost, and it was raining. I don't really read too much into dreams, except when I woke up, I swear I could still feel the rain drops! It was so real.... Who knows, maybe I'll just have to steer clear of any forests for a while.

Today is monday, and monday means back to school. I should be showering right now, but instead I'm on the internet, sharing my hopes and dreams with you people.... I'm not even sure if anybody is reading this!! Oh well, I like the idea that you all are :)

I better go, but before I leave

"Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart."

I'm so excited about this time in my life. Things are coming together, but is it so wrong that it scares me? I'm worried that just when things are coming together, that maybe some bumpy road lies ahead. Life is good, and God keeps showing up at the most random times. In my car. At school. At work. Mostly at work. It's like He knows that I am the most challenged by the people I work with, and He wants to give me the opportunity to be patient with those around me at work. The problem with this is that I'm NOT A PATIENT PERSON! I find myself either upset with, or angry with the people I work with. So complicated. I continue to search for meaning in these opportunities. Am I failing miserably at the task at hand?

On a lighter note, my birthday is only two weeks away! I get to go home a week from Friday and see my family. Well, the two people that I'm most excited to see are my momma, and my best friend Annette. I haven't seen her since this summer, and since she got this new job, I haven't even really been able to talk with her that often. It's like she's out of the country again, I swear. I can't believe that 2007 is over. Well, almost over.... I can't believe it. So much has happened, and I've changed in so so so many ways... I've only begun to find my identity in Christ, but it's the most wonderful journey I've ever been on. I'm a new woman, and I'm a new friend, a new daughter, a new leader. I'm in love with the only one who can do it all. He is the ultimate everything.

Okay, well it's 1:30 a.m. and I have to get up at 8 a.m. so I'm going to bed!

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my strength is made perfect in weakness."