Last night the autumn sky was ablaze with colored illuminations,
That danced and flowed like dye on silk.

I stood below in awe, with the people I love, and it was grand.
You picked a fine and beautiful night to leave.

Pumpkin faces flickered and glowed lighting the path below as the Aurora
borealis serenaded us with light so beautiful it was almost audible.
Could you hear it?

We walked and laughed and shared the manifestation of angle light above
us,
But I didn’t know that they were guiding you on your journey.

I came home to a message on the answering machine telling me you were
gone.
I am deeply sorry that I didn’t come to see you; this is my burden,
my grief.

I know that you understood I had forgiven you many years ago,
And tonight you wrote it on the sky and in my heart.

This celestial fire heralded your arrival on the other side,
As the world stood silent below heads raised towards heaven.

So like you to take your exodus in a blaze of solar eruptions,
And steal the world’s breath away.

You picked a fine, fine night to leave Grandpa
And I bid you farewell…….
Fare well

Beauty Comes From This

Mullen stalks point stiffly skyward on the bank.
Christmas colored sumac shades from above.
I think about you and your struggles.
Beauty comes from this,
I whisper.

I know struggle and pain,
Not casual acquaintances but
Intimate friends.
Yes, we know each other well.
I can only guess where you are with words
But in my heart I know,
I feel,
Deeply.

You and I are breaking our shells,
Killing demons that have become old friends,
In order that we might see through to the other side.
Within has grown dark and claustrophobic,
Without is terror bright,
With laughing and mocking.

Promise me you won’t shrink back.
It matters not that no one understands.
Would you wish understanding on them,
If you had that power?
Somewhere beside the mullen and sumac,
Madness has been laid to rest.
Only its ghost remains,
Don’t allow it to haunt you.
Whisper,
Beauty Comes from this.

Before I Rise

If we were riding bikes together I would ask you to pull over,
Stop for a while.
Rest in the tall sun warmed grass.
Blue-sky clouds, un-tethered drift,
Corvid’s night wings lift and drop as they move across the summer
warm sky.
They caw their crow cry,
I know it well.
Somewhere deep inside
I caw back to them.

Sticky cedar saps heady scent,
Needle bed rises from the ground,
Calling out “rest your weary self, come, sit”.
I should….I know,
But the brook draws me on, it’s call is louder more persistent.
Fire sign and water sign,
Today the water wins.
I answer its call.
Dipping in first a toe,
The winter cold water draws me.
Something deep within me shifts,
Even deeper than the crow cry,
Deeper than tears.

I allow my self to go down,
To sink into the icy depths.
I grow frost numb, and sink further.
It’s so quiet here,
Blue, dark, frozen.
I close my eyes, for just a moment,
Just one more moment,
Before I rise.

Saying Goodbye
(suicide of a father)

Once in a dream, I thought I saw him again
His arms reached out for me and he lifted me with such strength and
force that I thought I could fly
Then he was gone

Did you love me then or was it just the rainy days that drew you in?
Was it my sad story or was it the fact that I believed with all my heart
that I could over come?
We never really knew each other you know, we never really knew just
who was the ship and who was the harbor
Although I knew how I wanted it to be

The storm began years ago, long before you and I were born
We just breathed it in as we came into being and it bore deep into our
lungs
It was the slap on our backs as we coughed up our Mothers blood, to
make room for our first breath, our own air

Did I tell you I dreamed of him once?
He was tall and strong and I believed in him with all my soul
Then something tore like a sheet, a horrible ripping sound, and he was
gone
I was too stunned to look for him, to stunned to breathe, so I died

Then I became that rainy day, the one where you found me standing on
the corner
The smell of wet concrete rising, the sound of traffic and horns filling
the air
I was soaked to the bone and you wanted to sort me out like grain in
bins

I never dreamed of him again after I met you
I realized that, the last night we were together
Standing in the rain just outside the front door
Saying goodbye