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Tuesday, 10 August 2010

D day day

Some things in life are inevitable, like Morgan Freeman playing Mandela, or Tiger Woods getting herpes, and with 400 entries behind me, this is one of them.

It’s time to put this blog to bed.

There is a little girl who joyfully consumes more time and energy than I need to maintain this place to the standard it deserves; I believe it’s been a good blog and to continue it half heartedly would be doing it a disservice. I’m not entirely at ease with leaving it behind, but watching it go to ruin with poorer and more infrequent entries would be far worse.

It has evolved naturally, along with the story it’s been telling, from one of just another idiot trying to knock up his wife, to one of grim and dark places with sadness, anxiety and uncertainty lurking in the shadows, and on to one of happiness that no words or silly phrases can convey.

You’ve giggled about the early days of trying to conceive, offered advice when things started to look off colour, and consoled us when they repeatedly went wrong.

You’ve read entries every month with the same trepidation with which I’ve read ET’s face at the same intervals. You’ve cursed when we’ve cursed, and you’ve celebrated with us from every farfetched outpost of this planet that you could imagine.

You chuckle when I admit we are paying funny money to a day care centre and all we get in return are germs. You nod your heads when I try, and fail, to articulate how staring perfection in the face every single day can be as equally unnerving and unsettling as it is calming and gratifying.

For all this, and the genuine friendships forged, I can only say thank you.

My biggest debt has to be to the poor woman who has had her intimates on display for everyone to see, both literally, and well, literally. We did it, let’s enjoy it.

As for writing, I can’t stop now. I’ll continue somewhere soon, in my own time, perhaps with another focus. When the touch paper gets lit again there’ll be no stopping me, and you’ll know where to find me. Until then, all ideas, or job offers, are welcome.

For those reading who are still on their own journey, I know how dark it can be, I can only hope along with you, wish you well, and tell you that someday it could all be very different for you. The breathing sounds from the baby monitor here on my desk tell me so.

So, for the last time I want you to get your arse off my couch and give me that mug so I can put it in the sink. I’ll ignore the mess you’ve left with those biscuit crumbs and we’ll walk you to the door. Just don’t expect Sanne to wave because she only does that cute stuff when no one is looking, you do get a huge smile though.

I know I don't come around very often, but I'm disappointed that even then, I've overstayed my welcome! Still, I couldn't be happier for you and your family, and I look forward to your return someday, somehow.

Enjoy your time with Sanne while she's tiny. I looked back at baby photos earlier this week, and throbbed with how far away Harry's babyhood seemed, and how I wished I could reach through the screen to cradle his 4 month old self. It's time I'll not have again with him, and I consequently wouldn't wish you to waste a second of your hard-won time on entertaining me!

But... DO keep writing. Please? You're such a fabulous writer, and I'd miss you if you never light that touch paper...

My favourite post is the one of you in your kitchen just before Sanne was born, boiling the kettle, listening to ET trying to get comfortable in the bed upstairs and you imagining people overseas awaiting Sanne's birth.

You've written some fantastic posts over the years - thank you. We will miss you!

You hear the sound of breathing on your baby monitor? Ours must be defective. I've only ever heard crying ;-) Okay. Kidding. I hear baby grumbling and grousing every once in a while.

Martin it's been such a pleasure to be along for this painful yet wonderful journey you and ET have been on. Please journal your life with your daughter somewhere. She'll look back at it one day and laugh at her silly dad.

It has been wonderful following your journey, it had lots of downs but in the end you knew just how to look for the positive making me laugh my ass off. Of course now I'm just extremely happy that you have your beautiful little girl taking up your time. Wishing you the best of luck, you are going to be missed!

Thank you so much for sharing your life and your incredible words with us all. I hope you change your mind but understand why you probably won't. Best wishes to you and your little family in all your future exploits (and please, dear man, don't stop writing!).

I fully understand your reasons, it is always better to end on a high note. I look forward to reading when you decide to begin again. In the meantime enjoy the wonder of Sanne and try not to blink to often or you will suddenly wonder where the young adult came from!

You've built up a wonderful little book to give your daughter here Martin.

I waver on what I want to do with my blog on a daily basis. However I know this has been coming for a while. I hope to see you pop up somewhere else, but if not - see you next summer on the coast of Wales?

I got teary-eyed reading that! I am just so glad you are a FB friend!! I know it sounds trite and cliche but I can't imagine not seeing how Sanne grows and having you totally out of my life!

So, please don't kill the FB page too!

I often think of your "one liners" from your blog, my most favorite (or the one that came to my mind first) was when you were talking about Sanne being overdue and you two had gone in for an ultrasound and couldn't find her feet on the screen and concluded that the baby had eaten them for nourishment.

I laughed as I typed it. In fact, when something in life reminds me of your blog, I'll think: "That reminds me when Martin said...."

I will miss your writing terribly and when you get published or start another project that you graciously allow us to be a part of, I'll be the first one waiting to read it.

Blah, blah, blah...I always leave the longest comments and people are going to kill me but I love you, ET and Sanne a lot!

Awww, such a shame, will miss your witty writing, but i know that you are doing it for all the right reasons. God Bless, Martin, and thank you again for sharing yoSanne is absolutely gorgeous and she will need / want all her daddys attention. Big hugs to you guys from YOLANDE, SOUTH AFRICA.

Sad. I am. But I smile too because it seems so healthy. You've walked a road and it's turned into another one. Time to let it rest. I'll miss reading you, I will. Keep in touch from time to time and I'll look forward to your next incarnation. Drop me a line when it comes out so I don't miss it.

I know you've got a ton of people to think about but I really hope that when you start up elsewhere you remember me and tell me where you're writing so i can enjoy it once again. I pretty much have it proved that you can write about anything and I will enjoy it. I started reading your blog a long time before I was actually trying to conceive and ate up every bit of it, as well as the other blogs you've written on. And now that I'm struggling through this myself, I think about your experience a lot.

All I can say at this point is congratulations for having one of the best blogs out there from start to finish.

Thank you for allowing us to be apart of your life and journey for all of this! I wouldn't have missed it for the world! You have touched all of us with your witty writing and the emotions you choose to share with all of us. I will miss you for sure!! Good Luck and God Bless you and your beautiful family. xxxxBeth Farrandp.s. You're on FB? Which Martin Fitzgerald (of 219) are you????

i only found your blog recently and having read every word you wrote, i laughed and cried and laughed and cried, with happiness at the end. so thrilled first and foremost for you and et for the blessing of your beautiful daughter. enjoy every minute of her which i am sure you will, you are a fantastic writer, you obviously touched a lot of people. your daughter will be proud of you and your wife when she is old enought to understand..........

Haven't been here in a while, just decided to check up on it all today and I see you've just hung up your boots/fingers/keyboard.

I can't comment on the last few months, but congratulations on managing to consistently mine an exceptional amount of blog material from a heavily covered subject. Was something I never thought I'd be at all interested about beforehand, to be honest.

Best of luck with your family and all your future endeavours!...is "future endeavours" overly formal?

Just a random commenter here - I found your blog from the Irish Times articles and have dropped in every so often to catch up ever since - both to see how things were going, but also because I just enjoy reading your writing!

I've been lurking on & off while you were on the rollercoaster of TTC & I still pop in occasionally to make sure all is well in your world with your beautiful daughter. We had IUI success in 2004 & have an amazing son for which we are so grateful for. We thought we found our solution to our infertility....IUI.On TTC #2, we went thru IUI x4 while you were, except it didnt work this time. I felt unable to post & drag down your joy when our 1st IVF & our frozen embryo cycle both failed. But then when all hope was gone, on our 2nd frozen cycle IVF, one of our embryos decided to stick & I am now 20wks PREGNANT and feeling great!I wish all 3 of you the very best. You are so right to soak as much of Sanne in as you possibly can. I know its said a lot but the time will literally fly by. Good luck if you decide to add to your family. Hopefully you will be one of the lucky ones who pregnancy seems to "fix" whatever problem was there. If not then dont wait around, get back to the clinic & start blogging again!!Your openness on this topic has helped many people I'm sure.I wish I had your courage to be so open. Infertility is like a silent disease some will not even tell their best friends & family. It was most refreshing to hear about it from a male perspective. Well done you!Take care

So sad to read this news, but it's understandable too! I think Jared has pretty much given up his blog too...even with news to share no post has been made. We are expecting baby #2 on Feb 25, 2011. I am 13 weeks and loving every minute of the morning sickness!

It's sad to see an end but knowing that your story has a real happy ending makes it okay! I'm glad you shared your struggles and was relieved to hear you and your family had won in the end. Enjoy your family...because she won't be a baby for long!

This blog has been a very special place, Martin, and I hope that it helped you on your journey to parenthood. I somehow suspect it has. And I know you've given hope to a lot of people, along with the hysterical laughter. Never at your expense, though, man, we were always laughing WITH you.

Now that you've got another little slightly more impish and certainly more important distraction than a blog, this turn of events makes perfect sense.

You are such a talented writer. I hope you do pick it up again when you have the chance.

Best of luck for the future, enjoy every moment of your beautiful Sanne. I found you when I was in my own desperate state, it was blogs such as this that pushed me to keep trying. He is now 19 mths and a header ta boot!! he has me knackerd, wrecked and it's all so glorious :)

I think I knew this was coming, and I checked out for a while, thinking if I closed my eyes tightly enough, I could pretend it wasn't over.

I wish you much luck, my dear. You and those beautiful girls of yours. I've always been so delighted in your happy ending, and I continue to wish nothing but the happiest of beginnings for all three of you. Or are you going to make that four? :)