OZZY LITERALLY THREW THE CHALLENGE!!! they were never not going to vote sandra out the editors literally all but PHOTOSHOPPED the moments leading up to and including tribal council so it didn’t look like a bunch of uglies doing the boring thing and banding together to vote out the most powerful woman to ever play the game of survivor. BUT THEY COULDN’T BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT IT WAS!!! THAT WILL NEVER NOT BE THE UGLIEST EPISODE OF SURVIVOR. A BUNCH OF ZERO TIME WINNERS TAKING THE EASY WAY OUT! AND GUESS WHAT? OZZY IS NOT ALL THAT!!!! HE SPENT HIS WHOLE MICRONESIA JURY SPEECH CRYING ABOUT PARVATI BETRA-

Ahh yes, so here we are again. Another Tuesday night, another episode of AHS

I legit just jumped at the clown in the bed, as if I didn’t see the lead into this episode last week, a SPOILER ALERT indeed. Anyway, fuck!! I hate clowns

I don’t know if the entire Internet has spoken about this already, but I saw a college friend talking about AHS on her Facebook last week & her other friend called this particular masked terror (the one in Sarah’s bed) Dildo Clown™. I think it has a ring to it

Have I mentioned that I’m really gay?? I feel like that should be in the above bullet, but it also kinda deserved its own bullet so

Anyway, I really like Sarah’s hair in this season!?!!? I almost feel like I should get a similar style, but I dunno if it would make me look way older than I want to look, though (I’m only 27 & I feel like it would make me look at least 35, no shade, just truth – I do need a haircut, though)

Ugh, Paulson, she’s so fine

This poncho-ass bitch!! I don’t trust her already!!!!!!!

Nice contamination outfit???!?! (HUGE QUESTION MARK)

WHAT ARE YOU DOING, SARAH?!

WHY DONT YOU HAVE A JELLO MOLD!?! IT WOULD MAKE YOU APPEAR LESS SUSPICIOUS!!!

Sarah… (you’re being a little creepy)

BUT HES CREEPIER, WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT OUTFIT!?!!?!

Hello, again, poncho-bitch (my uncle’s ex-wife wore ponchos & so now I don’t entirely trust women in ponchos, should I go to therapy for this????)

I would just like to declare that I’d totally eat my face off at Ivy’s restaurant (that’s her name!! All is right in the world again now that I know how to properly identify my lesbians & know their proper names)

Holy, shit. That’s a really BIG ladle?!?!!?

Who the fuck is this angry ginger anyway?? He’s giving me the creeps. Is that mean to judge?? Yolo, it’s a horror show sooooo

DAMN THAT OUTFIT, SARAH!! MAMA, WERK

I’m really gay

OH HEY, THERE IS MY GIRL, WEDNESDAY ADDAMS!! Always pulling through with those Halloween vibes (I don’t trust her, of course, but she can still serve lewks – yes, even with her bad dye job & WHATEVER *this* outfit is)

Da lesbians have such a sweet pad, though. What a nice house, I need to move to Michigan… or… well… “Michigan”

“Throwing shade!!” BILLIE!!!

That fucking Twisty statue-toy-thing-or-whatever. I HATE IT. BURN IT

THIS IS SO SCARY AND CREEPY HELP me?!!?!212

“They won’t come back for you.” That’s reassuring

Oz realizes the implications of being a witness at literally maybe 10 (at max)?? My tiny son is so educated. Good job moms!!

DONT TAKE HER PINKY

THIS GOTH BITCH IS SCARING ME, HOMIE

FUCKING RUN OZ

Oh, she’s keeping his fear?? I wish someone would take my fears too, damn. Make yourself a business out of that, homie

YOU REALLY GONNA TELL ME THIS KID’S NAME IS OZYMANDIAS?? (honestly, putting it in my back pocket for parenthood because I really like weird names)

I know she’s a lady, but Sarah looks very daddy in this. Like damn, D-A-D-D-Y

SO ANYWAY THAT HOUSE IS KINDA MASSIVE FOR SUCH A SMALL FAMILY?!! I?!!?! I dunno *shrugs*

Yes, you tell them, Ally. Fuck bees (but also save them, just keep me very far away from them haaaaay)

Honestly, I’m getting flashbacks to that Mary-Kate and Ashley straight-to-video detective schtick musical that they did about a beekeeper once. Anyone else out there feelin’ dat?? Bueller?? (Click here to refresh your memory…)

PONCHO-BITCH GOT THOSE LESBIAN JOKES DONT SHE ($5 she tries to hit on one of them this season, I’m just sayin’)

This beehive is symbolic, though, right?!!?!

CRYSTAL LIGHT, I JUST SCREECHED

Beyoncé

WE’RE ALL GONNA GET CANCER

Etsy

Nicole Kidman

GAY MAN

Meadow!!!!

Soul Cycle

DOESNT IT UPSET YOU (SAME)

JESUS, A BLOOD STAIN?!!?!

OH, MAN. I LOVE LITTLE OZZIE. I NEED TO DECLARE THIS

That room is giant (make dat paper, my lesbians)

That bed is giant too, damn (oh, they just said it was a California King – I need me one of those)

SARAH GOING TO FIX THE TRIPPED ALARM?!?!! GOOD STORY

She don’t got this, though!?!?!!

The alarm is off, go home. Get gone. YOU DID YOUR JOB

I DONT FEEL SECURE AS SHE EXPLORES THE PLACE?!!?!

So much meat?!!?

Suddenly I’m vegan

OH NO. OH NO NO NO

THAT. IS. NOT. AN. ANIMAL!!!!

That was a good scream, though. Some A+ acting

My Emmy award-winning wife™

I always get hungry around this time of the show, it seems?!! Damn. I wish I had a snack again…

Me = squinting really hard to see what Ally’s prescription is (I feel like we might have known about this last week, but my memory sucks either way, so yay me)

WINTER!!!!

“They make me feel foggy” YES. BITCH. SAME

Meditation is nice…

Red wine & bath salts are nicer… and gayer

WINTER, ARE YOU TRYING TO SEDUCE ALLY?!!

Or hurt her…

Or both…

I’m so uncomfortable

WHAT. IS. THIS. BITCH. DOING

Really, Winter!?!!?!

ALLY!?!?!!

I don’t feel good about this?!!?!

That looks like a sweet tub, though…

Uhhhh?!?!!?!!!!!!!!!!! WINTER

jdfkgjgfk

I’m too gay for this

WINTER

“This is between us”

YO

NO. FUCKING. WAY

I AM TOO GAY TO FUNCTION, DONT GIVE ME THIS GAY ASS SEDUCTION

“You’re asleep.” - Okay, that line made me chuckle

NOPE, THIS CLOWNY ASS BITCH, THOUGH. FUCK HIM

It’s a commercial & I’m still a little turned on, but also confused by Sarah & Billie, whoooops?!?!!

IT WAS SO WRONG BUT FELT SO RIGHT, AM I RIGHT?!?!!

I need to take a Xanax, my gay ass is SHOOKETH

I’m now on Twitter during the commercial break & I may or may not have searched “Billie Sarah” SOOOOO

Glad I’m not the only one that needs to fan herself (according to Twitter)

Fuck Ryan Murphy for always dangling the things I want in front of me, but never actually giving them to me (e.g. Faberry)

“LESBIANS, WE’RE UNDER ATTACK” - is this a quote by me? No? Oh, okay!

SARAH NEEDS BILLIE AND I SHIP IT?!?!!?! (Only on the show, though)

I’m sorry Alison Pill/Ivy, I’ve betrayed you… and your marriage

That fucking clown is still there & I’m not okay?!?!!

It was the masturbating clown too, right?!?! I MEAN IT WAS A MEMORABLE MOMENT LAST WEEK, OKAY

WHAT. IF. ITS. THE. RUSSIANS

My sweet Ally, I’m so upset

HER PHONE JUST DIED AND NOW IM SCARED SHES GONNA GET HER GUN

Oh, no, Pedro is gonna end up shot?!! WHY WOULD IVY SEND HIM OVER?!!? In Ally’s hysteria, we know she isn’t gonna recognize anyone that’s not her wife!!?!! This is so yikesy!!!!!!

IM SCURRRED

Fuck that ice cream truck!!!!!

Trust no ice cream truck…

Side note: my neighborhood ice cream truck got busted for drugs in the ‘90s. I hear this might have been a common occurrence, though?!!

Oh, the ‘90s, so nostalgic

HOLY SHIT, FUCK THIS SHOW?!?!!

I can’t do this clown shit, I did not sign up for this

WHAT. THE FUCK. IS. THAT

OKAY, BUT DOES ALLY EVEN KNOW HOW TO SHOOT A GUN?!!?!

Pedro is fucked, I feel it & I’m scared

“Is it morning?” “My glasses.” My sweet child

IS THAT A GUN, IM SCARED (ME TOO OZZIE)

I don’t feel good about this…

DID I CALL THIS OR WHAT (P.S. I guess Ally does know how to shoot a gun after all)

IM SHOOK

AND SAD

WHAT THE FUCK, PEDRO DIDNT DESERVE THIS!!!!!!

Back on Twitter looking at the previous search I did (”Billie Sarah,” woo woo) & it’s a commercial!!

Oh great, awesome, wonderful. I just found out that Sarah has known Billie since Billie was 10?? I’m emotionally scarred from that scene, all of a sudden (source) & my wet dream is now insanely dry

Okay, so it’s still the commercial break & I don’t even like Burger King, but it’s an insane time at night (erm, it’s actually morning now) & these BK commercials are really speaking to me and my rumbling stomach

YO, TWO BURGERS, FRIES AND A DRINK FOR $3.49

Okay, we back!!

The preview for next week has got me sweating. LIKE DAMN, WHY YOU GOTTA DO THIS TO MY WIFE, SARAH PAULSON!?!?! SHE DONT DESERVE THIS

Alright, that’s a wrap for this week. Be good & pray to the heavens we get more Paulson/Lourd scenes that half creep me out (thanks Twitter for that fact I. DID. NOT. NEED. TO. KNOW), but also half arouses me too (we’re all adults here, damn it!!)

(so I’ve got an addiction to headcanons and it’s becoming very apparent, I hope you lot enjoy these, and as always happy reading!)

-You two met through a mutual contact and ended up hitting it off when you put a person in their place for being an ass
-He was at first weary of catching those nasty feelings for anyone but you apparently were persistent in his mind
-Chilling at the Iceberg Lounge and drinking together after it closes
-As he got to know you, he opened up a little more and you got to see the nicest and most sincere sides of him
-Your first date was very over the top and wonderful, he pulled out all the stops and made you feel like royalty
-All-day cuddle sessions and long talks over coffee (or the drink of your choice)
- With you by his side he seems a little lighter, maybe even a bit brighter than usual
-forehead kisses
-cheek kisses
-romantic candlelight dinners
-exotic and sometimes extravagant gifts
-“Ozzie, baby, I can’t accept the hope diamond, how did you even get this?”
-“Sure you can! And never you mind that, love, it suits you!”
-Surprise vacations and trips
-late night, fireside chats where you talk about the randomest things
-“(Y/N), I’m thinking of buying another owl, what do you think?”
-“Do you need another bird, dear?”
-He got one anyways but you got to name it
- Movie marathons in the actual theater.
- He would take a bullet for you
-His commitment would be strictly you and he would make it clear to anyone who dares to even look in your direction
-If you had a bad day, he’d never be above a blanket nest and hot chocolate
-Binge watching bird documentaries and cartoons
-If you even breathed like you were close to needing him he’d be there.

I’m getting a little nervous about Oswald actually dying. Like as in, he’ll be brought back by Strange. I don’t know how I feel about that. From interviews and promos it appears as if Oswald joins up with “the freaks” as they’ve been called. What if it’s because he is one now? He’s always been an outsider but he’s never been dead before.

It’s not as if this has slowed down Fish at all. But she is sick. That’s why she needed to take Strange. Her motivation went from ruling the city to basic survival. Plus, it would mean that Ed actually did succeed in killing Ozzie. Like whoa! I can’t wrap my head around that. There are some things you can’t come back from.

It’s not like I’m unfamiliar with the whole coming back from the dead thing. Huge vampire fan here. But something about this idea doesn’t sit well with me and I’m not sure why.

Anyone else have strong feelings about this one way or the other? I’d like to hear everyone’s thoughts.