Author Samuel Johnson once said: "The law is the last result of human wisdom acting upon
human experience for the benefit of the public." A noble philosophy, perhaps, but local officials
who wrote some of these old onion laws seem to have acted for no greater purpose than a good
belly laugh. After reading some of the following pieces of legislation, you'll probably agree that
Johnson's opinion is debatable at best.

For example, are you a woman who happens to weigh in at over 200 pounds? Like to
wear shorts? If these two questions apply, then beware of Ridgeland, South Carolina. It's
strictly a violation of the law for a woman over 200 pounds and attired in shorts to be seen eating
onions in a restaurant or at any public picnic.

Grant's Pass, Oregon, has a special ordinance making it perfectly legal for any citizen to
throw onions at "obnoxious salesmen" when they won't stop knocking on the door or ringing the
bell. And in Tamarack, Idaho, no one can buy onions after dark without a special permit from the
sheriff.

Local residents are prohibited from eating row onions while walking down a street in
Northfield, Connecticut. Barbers in Columbia, Pennsylvania, are prohibited from eating onions
between the hours of 7 a.m. and 7 p.m. And in Dyersburg, Tennessee, citizens aren't allowed to
enter a movie theater within four hours after having eaten raw onions.

Onion-loving males be on guard when stopping over in Headland, Alabama, and going out
on the town in an effort to meet one of the local cuties. An old piece of legalese says, "No man
can place his arm around or kiss an unchaperoned woman without a good and lawful reason,"
should he have eaten onions within the last four hours.

Try to stay away from Nacogdoches, Texas, if you'd like to take your date for a delicious
hamburger and onions. There's a strict onions curfew for "young women." Under no
circumstances are they allowed to have any raw onions after 6 p.m.

It's a violation of the local law for any citizen to carry one or more raw onions in his
pocket in Lexington, Kentucky. It's also against the law in Okanogan, Washington, to eat onions
in public with a spoon.

Like a chewy onion now and then? Well, be extremely cautious in Hackberry, Arizona.
An antiquated city ordinance prohibits women from eating raw onions while drinking buttermilk
on the Sabbath. Hungry and feel like having a nice big bowl of hot onion soup on one of those
chilly wintery days? A loony law in Wilmington, Delaware makes it illegal for anyone to slurp
their onion soup in a restaurant. And in Rock Springs, Wyoming, a man isn't allowed to chew
on chunks of a raw onion while driving a pickup down the street.

Never eat onions while attending church in Burdonville, Vermont. The pastor has the
legal right to make offenders stand in a corner or leave the church until the service is finished.
Many people certainly won't like it when they visit relatives in Wade Mills, North Carolina.
Neither onions nor ice cream can be purchased or eaten on Sunday during the half hour period
before a church starts its services. It's against the law in Peewee, West Virginia, to eat onions
while sitting in the local cemetery. No one can legally eat onions in church on the Sabbath in
Fairplay, Colorado. In Callicoon, New York, it's against the law to sell onions and ice ream
sodas on Sunday.
White Horse, New Mexico, still retains an old piece of loony legislation obviously
designed to protect its female population. No married woman is allowed to eat onions on the
Sabbath unless she "is properly looked after." How? Her mate must follow 20 paces behind.
And he's required to carry a loaded "musket over his left shoulder."

Speaking of onions, Chumuckla, Florida, doesn't allow them to be purchased between
sunset and sunrise. On the other hand, Bourbon, Mississippi, requires that one small onion be
served with each glass of water in all restaurants.

And in Spades, Indiana, no onions can be purchased after 6 p.m. without a doctor's
prescription.

Women's lib may get up in arms over a strange law on the books in Blue Hill, Nebraska.
No female wearing a "hat which would scare a timid person" can be seen eating onions in public.

A woman has the legal right to make her wayward spouse eat raw onions when she
catches him drinking. The law in Wolf Point, Montana, says such action is her "moral, wifely
duty."

No one is allowed to peel onions in a Cotton Valley, Louisiana, hotel room. And in
Hartsburg, Illinois, it's illegal to take onions to the local movie theater as a snack. Citizens of
Attica, Iowa, aren't allowed to throw onions at other people under any circumstances.

No one is allowed to eat raw onions while "lounging on bakery shelves" within the
boundaries of Pocataligo, Georgia. Any onions ordered in a Wakefield, Rhode Island,
restaurant, must be eaten only by the person who ordered them. The onions cannot be shared
with a friend. Onions can't be eaten in Budds Creek, Maryland, except by people over 21 who
have written permission from their dentist.

Rotten onions can't be thrown at passersby on any street in Hickory Plains, Arkansas.
It's illegal to store bags of raw onions in a Janesville, Wisconsin, cheese factory. Workmen
can't be caught carrying a lunch pail filled with onions down a street in Upperville, Virginia. In
Sturgis, South Dakota, no onions can ever be served with pretzels and beer.