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My Kid Is Growing Up And I Can't Give Him A Sibling

When I found out that I was pregnant, I was absolutely over the moon about it, albeit slightly terrified at the thought of becoming a parent. It was 2009, and I was at my wit's end with my endometriosis, a painful condition where the lining of the uterus (your period, what we ladies shed each month), grows outside of the uterus, causing immense pain and discomfort. I was told as a last resort to go to a fertility specialist, not to get pregnant, but to see if there was anything they could do for me. They gave me two options, which was get pregnant, or use a $2000 drug that would put me into pseudo-menopause (which I'm on right now - but I'll get to that). So many women are told to get pregnant as an option for treating endometriosis. I was told at SEVENTEEN by a gynecologist to go and get pregnant. I shit you not. But, I digress.

The fertility clinic visit was in November of 2009. By December 22, I was holding a pregnancy test in my hands with the word Yes scrawled across the little digital screen. Apparently, all you need to do is walk into a fertility clinic, smell the air, and bam, pregnant. Kidding, kidding. However, we did get pregnant with Syrus shortly thereafter.

The pregnancy itself was pretty uneventful, except for a few trips to the hospital for Braxton-Hicks contractions. Syrus arrived on August 19th, 2010 at 6:19 PM, 7 pounds, 5 ounces, 21 inches long. Looking at his little blue eyes he has just like his daddy's, and his rounded little nose he got from me, I thought to myself, 'I'm going to make the most of this, I have all the time in the world. He won't grow up that fast.'

Ahem. In August of this year, my child will be six years-old, and he will be beginning the first grade. So much for that time not flying by. Lately, he has been at that stage that he has been asking for a baby brother or sister, but he seems to insist on a brother. And it breaks my heart to tell him that he just may not get one. The best way to explain it to him at the time was that mommy's tummy is kind of "broken."

Yes, we are dealing with infertility, likely due to my endometriosis. My husband and I have been trying for quite a while now, before deciding that perhaps an exploratory laporoscopy was in order to see what was going on. Who knows, maybe they could fix whatever is going on in there, at least for a little while, enough time to have another child. But doctor after doctor we saw just wouldn't do it. Finally, I found one that specializes in gynecological disorders. Perfect. I just had to convince them to help me.

Of course, I had to agree to some terms. Take a medication called Provera, to start calming things down, and then take a powerful drug called Lupron. I agreed, as long as my insurance would pay for it, and they did. It was to be 6 months of a Lupron shot, every 28 days. To say the least, the drug has made my life a living hell. From migraines, to joint pain and stiffness to syncope, it has done it's fair share of damage to my body. I convinced my doctor to let me off the last two shots, so I only had a total of four. My surgery is scheduled for April 6th. Because of the syncope, I took a header down some stairs and gave myself a black eye, had to go to the hospital to make sure I didn't give myself a concussion, the whole deal. So, technically, I am bedridden until my surgery.

But I am hoping that there is some light at the end of this dark tunnel. That my doctor can actually find out what is causing this pain. I want to be able to play with my son again without being curled in a ball afterwards. I want to go out again. I want to drive again. I want to live again without fear. I want to have another child, to give my son a sibling. But this is life with endometriosis. We can only hope that they come up with better treatments than Lupron and throwing birth control at us. We need more. Funding, awareness, less ignorance, less pain. Less being called a "drug seeker." All I want is to be out of pain.

March is Endometriosis awareness month. If you want to help and be super awesome, please change your profile photo to yellow for the month or Tweet out the message! Just click the link below. Thank you!