Disillusioned with his career as a werewolf—the howling and the snarling and the mauling of innocents—but not yet ready to end it all, to immolate himself for the common weal—Max turned to drink, starting with modest lappings of any available generic Rhône blend to accompany his evening flesh and progressing to larger and larger quantities (and more esteemed appellations) fast exceeding one rundlet a night and approaching a regular barrel of Châteauneuf-du-Pape during his full-moon binge sessions. (by Rudi)

The rundlet of brandy weighed about 150 lbs., which necessitated the use of a hand truck to maneuver it into the bedroom, where it got caught on the leg of the bedside table just about the time he was completing his transformation into a werewolf, adding to his already modest intellect the complications of extreme hairiness and no fine motor skills whatsoever, with the result that, struggling to free the hand truck, he knocked over the candle, got tangled in the bed curtains, and burned to death in short order, his immolation leaving his partner amazed at her good fortune, uninjured except for a small weal on her shin where the candlestick struck her, and only slightly irritated at having wasted twenty bucks on the tetanus shot. (by cusheamus)

Dear Katie, You write that after strenuous lovemaking you find your back covered in lacerations and raised purple weals, and now wonder if you were right to marry a werewolf whose foreplay consists of immoderate ululation interrupted by snarled threats to immolate you in a rundlet of burning brandy if you do not immediately submit to his carnal urges; but I think that you can anticipate my standard answer in these trying circumstances, which is to have another valium and a booster tetanus jab. (by Et Seqq)

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