Tuesday, March 27, 2012

People keep dying, kids keep getting stolen, life goes on, yeah? No. I've lost track of how things crumble. How my dreams fold and unfold, showing the lines and pathways and things I can't put to words. There's always more than one path to take, if you're able to take the steps and your eyes aren't blind to them.

He was in the hotel this evening. The tall bastard. Just standing there. I was the only one awake for once (Yes, we have really weird sleep-schedules), and suddenly he was just there. Watching again, but as I watched him in return, he moved over to Tia's side of the bed, so silently, and shifted as though focusing on her. There was a long pause before a tendril of black coiled out and hovered over her. I couldn't make a sound. I tried. God, I tried. Everything was so gray and washed out.

It just hovered there, over her stomach for a long moment before I was able to move, shifting my position to place myself between Him and her. There was a tilt to His head, and a shift to his stance as though looking toward the other bed, where Kailin was.

The tendril moved at the same time, seeming to snag on my ponytail for a moment before Tia stirred. And then He was gone, and there was some confusion as to my position. Shielding her.

...Did He honestly just pull my hair before leaving? I... This was a weird day. We'll be moving. Soon. For the sake of all four of us.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Sorry about the lack of posting lately, guys. We're still kicking around. It's been an odd month so far, though.

...I say that like it's not been an odd while at this point. Anyway, we've been working on the baby issue still. I know there's a high probability of something going wrong, but in the end, it's Tia's choice, as has already been said. Emphatically. Also, hormones are interesting, I'll give the human body that. Things are going... pretty reasonably in certain areas. I've been getting lots of hugs recently, for various reasons.

Kailin's still with us. Zie's not the most willing to talk about zer past, and honestly, I don't blame the kid. So we're focusing on the now and on the future, I guess. I can live with that. It's not my place to pry. Kailin will talk when zie feels like it.

It's hard sometimes, to be this person who always forgives and turns the other cheek. Who is forever giving people new chances. It's not always easy being the person willing to welcome someone back with open arms time and time again. Just for them to hurt you and others. It would be so easy to be angry and react violently.

There are a few people who inspire such a reaction from me, but they are very rare and far-between.

The easy road isn't always the best road, though. Bitter, angry, vengeful, petty... Those are all easy. and if I give into them, then it's a victory. Not for me, certainly. But letting myself be changed in a negative light by the things around me.... Would stink.

I don't know.

I don't know anymore. It's just... God, I feel hollow right now. Like my insides have been nearly scraped clean and laid bare for all to see again and again.

I find it funny, when I get told by people "Oh, you guys do so good." Bah. Bah. We're hanging on by the skin of our teeth, most of the time.

Also, someone cut the gas line to the truck today. Hurray. Think it was the chick who's been following us. Still haven't been able to get a good enough view of her to be able to identifty her well. Fun.

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Death comes so often for those who don't even come close to deserving it.

Some people say they want to just forget things. They want to just forget anything bad has ever happened. Even if I could, I wouldn't. No matter how much it hurts, no matter what happens to me personally, I want to always remember the people I've met during this time of my life. No matter how terrible the other memories I'm stuck with are, I want to remember. They deserve that much. They deserve so much more, but I'm just me. As ineffectual and unfortunate as ever.

"Someone" left the scarf I gave August on the doorstep of our hotel room this morning. The golden yellow of the yarn was dark and stained with his blood... It's soaking in the sink right now.

For once I almost can't say "If I'd only done this one thing, something differently..." Doesn't stop the guilt, though. Irrational and stupid, I know. Seems to be a usual thing for me, being irrational and stupid.