Wednesday, July 05, 2006

True Wife Confessions Etude 12

Your best friend hit on me, pretty hard. I was strangely flattered and offended at the same time.

Confession #112

Why do I have to leave the house for you to bathe, feed, and put the kids to bed? Couldn't you do it just once or twice a week? After all, that's still 5 or 6 days less than I'd be doing it. Ass.

Confession #113

I've spent waaay more while you've been away these five months, than Iwill ever tell you, ever. I also let our daughter watch hours of t.v.And I drink too much. And smoke quite a bit more than you imagine, aswell. And the worst part? I don't really give a shit.

Confession #114

Your stomping and pouting are no longer cute. Suck it up and learn how to manage your anger. A man in his mid 40's should have better coping skills than those you display.

Confession #115

When I ask you to change a diaper, it's not out of spite. I just want you to change a damn diaper. I work too, you're not the only one, and I know damn well that you can smell that shitty diaper the same as I can.

Confession #116

I am in love with another man. I will be leaving you..sooner then I thought. You never seen it coming.

Confession #117

I have to admit that it is reassuring to hear you get impatient with the girls. I love listening to you sighing with exasperation and unable to form complete sentences because of whatever they've done. It helps me remember that my own impatience with them does not mean that I'm crazy.

Confession #118

When we thought our infertilty was because of your crappy sperm, I seriously considered leaving you.

Confession #119

I think your mom is the world's worst mother for the way she raised you and your siblings. There aren't any excuses for the things she did, and I'm never going to like her. Ever.

Confession #120

I tell everyone that you are the best and that there is no one in the worldlike you, but when we have sex and I close my eyes, it's never you I see.The memory of my old college boyfriend comforts me in our bed and sometimeson the computer after I google him and track down his old friends so that Iknow snippets of his life. He's an obsession.

# 112~ OMG! My DH is the exact same way. I have to be gone or on my death bed for him to help with the kids other than letting them sit in the recliner with him.

#120~ I would leave my DH in a heartbeat if I knew that my ex would take me back and be able to help support us. I have never really stopped loving him, but we both moved on. (Check out my blog and there is a whole post about him)

See, I can totally identify with a lot of these- and honestly, I have a good marriage most of the time. Marriage is just like any other relationship- it takes work, and some days you want to bash the offending party's head in with a skillet.

Liberal Banana and Beverlyrevelry, did you ever, when you were a teenager, shout "I hate you!" to either one of your parents, and of course totally not mean it? Did you ever tell them, "When I have kids, I'm not going to be as mean as you," when they'd upset you? Did you ever have a sibling with whom you occasionally fought, over a toy, a clothing item, or the bathroom space?

Aggravation is what happens when people get close to someone else. A marriage can be good and solid and still have good and bad moments, things that need confessing or airing, however anonymous. Sometimes, confessing some aggravation or complaint here is better than starting a fight at home. It's picking battles. This site simply gives wives a chance to rant. And here's a newsflash: NO marriage is perfect every second.

As for the more serious ones, I don't know their situations, and even if I did, they are situations of normal everyday women who probably already have their own doubts and fears about what they're confessing. If the "leaving you" ones came out and said it was because they are tired of being abused or cheated on or ignored, would you be so quick to judge or would you applaud them for getting out to save themselves, maybe literally? Context.

Bringing down your judgments isn't doing anyone any favors. If you continue to read here to "strengthen your already great distrust for marriage" and reinforce your own choices, fine. But don't get all judgmental on anyone confessing here. These women don't need it. Much of what's confessed here is completely out of context, so the blurbs may have more punch than the total story has.

Confession #118"When we thought our infertilty was because of your crappy sperm, I seriously considered leaving you."

That is sad and pathetic. In a "marriage" you should take the good with the bad. I hope in the end, it was YOU that was the problem and will never reproduce. Oh, and if he was smart he walked out the door.

I think some of you have misunderstood me. I wasn't making a judgment about any of the women who posted confessions. Rather, I was saying something about myself, that I have a difficult time "enjoying" this site because there is so much anger and sadness that isn't balanced by the "happier" confessions. I have the same problem with PostSecret. While the confessions and secrets may be cathartic, necessary, whathaveyou, for the tellers, by and large they contain too much pain to be entertaining for me.

And just for the record, I've been happily married now for several years, after not one, but *two* failed marriages. I know a few things about marital strife and aggravation. Perhaps that's why I have a hard time reading about the unhappiness of others.

So to recap, my earlier post was about ME and MY reactions and feelings. I can't be responsible for what anyone else might have read into it.

beverlyrevelry - I applaud you - when I read your first post, it didn't occur to me AT ALL that you were casting judgement - quite the opposite, I read it as a lighthumoured comment about the difficulties of marriage. Why others got so defensive I'm not sure, but just as anyone else is, you too should be "allowed" to state your opinions. AND as you said, you are not responsible forI can't be responsible for what anyone else might have read into it. AND you "defended" yourself beautifully, though why you HAD to, I'm still unsure of....