After 4 years of infertility, multiple miscarriages, countless tests and procedures, three fertility specialists, two surgeries (with one more in the plans), one failed IVF Cycle, and endless moments all somewhere between complete despair and endless hope, we continue on knowing our perfect baby is waiting to join our family. We would be honoured if you came along for the ride, and share our story!

03/19/2012

This Wasn't In The Pamphlet ~ Part I

You know how people always say that there are certain things no one ever tells you about having kids, or being pregnant? Yeah, infertility is like that too. There are countless things that happen along this road that no one ever tells you!! I honestly think that most of the reason is that when something like that happens it normally slaps you in the face and leaves you wondering "What the f*ck was that??!?" And you just try to put it out of your mind and never think about it again.

You know what's a weird conversation? Trying to decide if "hypothetically speaking" you are okay with your widowed husband using your embryos to have a child with his new wife after your death. In case you're wondering the answer there is "No, No I am not." These are the things you have to not only think about- but sign off on in legal papers when starting out IVF. At second glance it does make perfect sense that when speaking about creating embryos, knowing that you will not implant all of them that there is a LOT of legal situations and life situations that you just need to take in to account. Mixed in to our 96 page "orientation packet" was a whole array of scenarios that literally had never crossed our minds. It's the ugly stuff that no one wants to think about or talk about. What if something happens to my husband? To me? To both of us? To our relationship? It's horrible...

Granted, these are all decisions that normal adults should and do make. It's not too different than drafting a will, and putting these things in to place to protect your children. It does change the game a little however, to think about how you want your embryos - your babies - to be treated, in the event of all of these situations while knowing that most of them you will never meet. I refuse to let any part of our IVF journey become a debate on ethics, religion or politics, and will not tolerate any form of the such - but will just say, and leave it with my husband and I do both believe that life begins at conception. Therefore regardless of how many embryos are implanted, and we get to meet in this life we do believe that every single one of the embryos that are created through this IVF are our babies. It's bizarre to make these decisions, and put them down in black and white and take all of this in to account when you're not even pregnant and have no guarantee that you will be any time soon.

The other thing that people don't tell you about IVF? Your bed-side table will be transformed and have things on it that you never in a million years imagined you'd keep on your bedside table. Item #1 never imagined on your bedside table, a sharps container. I'll leave you with a few pictures of the transformation.

The sheet on the wall is my protocol so I know which injections to take when.

This is just the first week of injections, needles, and syringes.

March 28th we move from one injection a night to three.

Looking over the packet for our stim meds starting March 28th.

No meds here yet, just needles, syringes and swabs with instructions.

Looking over the packet for our stim meds starting March 28th.

Thank God for the inspirational messages on the packaging or this would be too much...

The Silk Road Tea House Bag on the wall actually has my meds, needles, syringes, and alcohol swabs in it.

The green bag is just for all the waste wrapping that comes with each individual needle, syringe and swabs.

The good news? There's a whole lot of really amazing stuff that comes from IVF that isn't in the pamphlets either. Check out Part II for the wonderful things no one tells you!

Comments

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I really appreciate that you're sharing the details of this journey with us, Arpita. Your willingness to be open about all of it really does a great service to (current and future) parents everywhere. Thank you!

Thank you Amy! That is really the drive behind me sharing all of this. Besides it being kind of therapeutic - when we first started getting frustrated I didn't know anyone who I *knew* had gone through a rough time TTC. My hope is that by being so vocal and open about it then those who are having a tough time - either now or in the future - know they can reach out and have me and this blog as a resource! Thanks for your support as always!! <3

Ah, those little green paper bags... I'm still finding uses for them... Gift bags, storage bags, shopping bags...
It's good to have a plan for any embryos that remain. The reality of having leftovers is less common than people think though.

Oh boy! I remember those questions. I also know that how I felt about a lot of things when I started out changed by the time I was done. The questions are hard...and they continue. How many embryos to put back, what to do if you get pregnant with more than 2? You have to sign a waiver saying you understand the risks of multiples. And since we are on the topic of things no one tells you...no one tells you that you may answer all these questions about your potential embryos and then may end up with no embryos at all. :( I am not trying to be a downer, there are just so many different scenarios that can happen. I guess that is just one reason (out of the many) why this is so hard. I agree, I think its great you are talking about it, because then maybe people will be more sensitive. Like your other post, people asked "are you excited that you are doing IVF?" If they only knew....Look forward to your next post! Sending you healthy growing egg vibes!

Silver & Happy - Ha! Ohh the green bags! Lovely, aren't they? And yup we actually got all the forms out of the way... Multiples, OHSS, etc... We more than realize we might not have left over embryos. We're hopeful for our age and medical issues we'll have enough to transfer one and still freeze more. At this point we're just going with one embryo transfer... If it's not successful, then we may move to other options. All I keep saying is with a 30% chance of pregnancy, I'm just hoping for embryos so we can do FET if we need to!

Hoo boy, I can see what a journey this will be for you! All that researching you must be doing, and learning about these new steps and injections and so on … wow. It's like its own part-time job. Here's hoping your openness about it will help someone else not feel lost and alone as they start the journey, and I hope your way forward is smooth. Thanks for sharing!