Wednesday May 14 – 2003 :: I Want a New Girlfriend

Matrix Motherfuckers (12:00AM EST) Jack
Well, it’s less than 24 hours till I’m off to see the Matrix. I’m pretty stoked that I’m seeing this on opening night, and I’m really hoping it lives up to the hype. I’ll let you know all about it after I check it out.

Have you checked out the behind the scenes pics over at the in the Vip? If not here’s a little taste just for you IWANG readers.

– Vip – Vip – Vip – Vip – Vip –

– Vip – Vip – Vip – Vip – Vip –

– Vip – Vip – Vip – Vip – Vip –

Click here for more pics of those celeb VIP parties!

I’ve been kind of bored with the site lately, and that means it’s time for you people out there to pick up the slack. I’m looking for some people to maybe post a story or two a week. If that sounds like something you’d like to do, just send me over an email with a little sample of what you’d put on the main page. If it’s good enough I’ll give you a login to update the site.

I’m working on an all humor section of I Want a New Girlfriend that will be *SHOCK* safe for work! It’s going to be all the flash videos I’ve come across, jokes, and funny movies that don’t really fit into the site. Look for that next week at some point, depending on how ambitious I am.

A woman was shaking out a rug on the balcony of her 17th floor condominium when a sudden gust of wind blew her over the railing. “Damn, that was stupid,” she thought as she fell. “What a way to die.”
As she passed the 14th floor, a man standing at his railing caught her in his arms.
While she looked at him in disbelieving gratitude, he asked, “Do you suck?”
“No!” she shrieked, aghast.
So, he dropped her.
As she passed the 12th floor, another man reached out and caught her. “Do you screw?” he asked.
“Of course not!” she exclaimed before she could stop herself.
He dropped her, too.
The poor woman prayed to God for one more chance. As luck would have it, she was caught a third time, by a man on the eighth floor. “I suck! I screw!” she screamed in panic.
“Slut!” he said, and dropped her.

One day God came to Adam for a brief discussion. “I’ve got some good news and some bad news.” God said.
Adam looked thoughtfully at his maker and replied, “Please give me the good news first.”
Smiling, God explained, “I’ve created two new organs for you. One is called a brain. This organ will allow you to be very intelligent, create new things, and carry on productive conversations with Eve. The other organ is called a penis. It will allow you to reproduce your intelligent life form and begin populating the planet. Eve will be very pleased that you are now equipped with this organ as she will be able to conceive children.”
Adam, very excited, exclaimed, “These are great and wonderful gifts you have given me. What could possibly be bad news after such great tidings?”
God then looked upon Adam, and said with great sorrow, “The bad news is I only gave you enough blood to operate one of these organs at a time.”

This guy walks into a bar on the top of a very tall building. He sits down, orders a huge beer, chugs it, walks over to the window, and jumps out.
Five minutes later, the guy walks into the bar again, orders another huge beer, chugs it, walks over to the window, and jumps out again.
Five minutes later, he re-appears and repeats the whole thing.
About half an hour later, another guy at the bar stops the first guy and says, “hey, how the heck are you doing that?!”
The first guy responds, “oh, it’s really simple physics. When you chug the beer, it makes you all warm inside and since warm air rises, if you just hold your breath you become lighter than air and float down to the sidewalk.”
“WOW!” exclaims the second man, “I gotta try that!” So he orders a huge beer, chugs it, goes over to the window, jumps out, and splats on the sidewalk below.
The bartender looks over to the first man and says, “Superman, you’re an asshole when you’re drunk.”