Wednesday, 02 November 2005

I'm on a Detox Diet right now. My mate David has successfully convinced me to go on the detoxification program with him... right after he intoxicated me with copious amount of ALCOHOL last Saturday night.

I felt duped. It is my third and final day on detox and I feel like dyingggg.

There are many variations of the Detox Diet out there, but mine is probably most hardcore. The rules of the game are simple:

- Fruit and Vegetables for 3 days. Preferably organic ones.

- Drink Melilea regularly.

- Strictly no milk, no meat, no eggs, no sugar, no exceptions.

- Processed food are banned. Don't even think about touching canned food, noodles, or even rice.

- Absolutely, postively, no caffeine (NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO)

Coffee - the most beautiful thing in the world (next to my mom).

The objective is to allow the organs to take a break from eating all the processed food of the modern day and go back to eating basics. By doing so, you flush out all the toxins from your body.

So I went out last Sunday and did my own grocery-shopping for the first time in 9 months. I never bothered to do my own groceries in Kuching. Why bother going through all the trouble cooking and cleaning at home when a meal outside costs merely RM5 right?

Anyway, I bought some suspiciously organic fruit and vege. Grocery-shopping on my own wasn't that bad. The hardest part was probably pulling myself away from the Chocolates section.

I got myself a bottle of Melilea as well. For those who don't know what Melilea is, it's some disgusting mix of fruits and vege blended into powder form.

Believe me, it tastes as horrible as it sounds. The first time I took it, I thought I was shitting in my mouth. That's how bad it is.

It tastes like grass-flavoured oatmeal!

This is what I had for lunch these past 2 days.

I couldn't say I felt any better during the program. If anything, I actually felt light-headed and fatigue around afternoon time. The absence of meat in my diet is probably the culprit. I don't like vege. Vege tastes like crap, but I still had eat it. Surprisingly though, I don't get hungry often.

But whatever I was doing, I'm pretty sure I was doing it right - I lost 2kg in 2 days.

My detox offically ends tomorrow, just in time for Hari Raya. When tomorrow comes, you'll see me happily hogging the buffet table at every single Raya open house in Kuching. Who's gonna invite me?

People who have done Detox before know hardcore Detox dieters are dead serious about their shit... literally. Ask about about their toilet habits and they will tell you the size of their shit, how long it is, what colour it is, how often they go, how smelly it is, etc etc etc.

I was talking to a Melilea distributor this is what he said:

"This very good one! Can clean your stomach one! You eat this you will go to toilet everyday to shit one! I also eat this everyday until my shit become golden and can float on water one! Very good one!"

With a sales pitch like that HOW CAN YOU NOT BUY THEIR PRODUCT?

On a different note, I spotted this at a booth promoting some Melilea-like detox product.

Wow. Looks like health supplement companies have stopped featuring supermodels for their promotional materials and start using shit instead.

Still, you gotta wonder what's going through the heads of their PR people when they come up with advertising materials like that.

Minion : Eh eh boss... how to sell this detox product har?

PR Manager : Aiya. Just tell them it's for healthy one lorrrr.

Minion : Cannot boss! So many competitors out there selling the same thing! They use Karen Mok, Fann Wong, Christy Chung! We have to do something different!

PR Manager : Why don't we tell people that if they eat our product, their shit will come out long long like sausage liddat? Then we take photos of random shit lying around on newspapers. How bout we take a photo of you holding up your own shit like you just became World Longest Shit Champion liddat? Gerengtee people will buy oneeee!

hi kenny. congrats on ur detoxing program. however, i beg to differ. there is a more harcore detox program than the one you're currrently on. it's for 4 days, and you can lose up to 4 kgs (well if your goal is to lose weight, then this would be good).
for the 4 days, you're only allowed to consume bottled water that has been mixed with 2-3 tablespoons of honey and 3-4 tablespoons of real lemon juice. you can drink unlimited amounts of this. and when you're REALLY hungry, you're allowed to eat 1 green apple, but it really isn't encouraged. when i first went on this detox program, i wanted to diieeeee. but it really helped to cleanse my system after endless periods of eating bad foods. so the next time you consume copious amounts of alcohol or food (or coffee ;p) you may like to consider this detox program.

uh..that's not the most hardcore :)Some detox one week before going away to this place, where they do starvation detox, where you get a leaf of lettuce for your lunch / dinner, and some special detox nasty drink ;)

It's all marketing hype...All sorts of MLM have come up differnt kinds of DETOX program. Some of these programs can be quite expensive (where the diet consists of fresh strawberries, grapes, dried apricots)

wow, i've heard of these things, man something is wrong in that program if you feel tired by noon time... usually i've heard this is supposed to re-energise you and make you feel like this shit works...! maybe your body got so used to the processed stuff can not survive with out it now :)

2 kg is water loss not FAT loss ;) im not try to annoy you but I tell you from my profession. Even you dont trust me, there are hell of ppl behind me now who get great grades in my school know.(ah! you know how..=p) But anyway.. 2-fingers-salute for your braveness to go on hell-like and meat-free detox program that I would never ever had the gut to think of trying. =)

It's definitely water loss. It just gives your body, or more specifically your liver time to get rid of the loads of toxins from the food and the environment that you have been stuffing your body with.
The body will only switch to using fat as fuel after a certain period e.g. 10 days of starvation mode, however the weight loss will gradually decline after the initial couple of weeks of weight loss, cause the body begins to adapt to the starvation mode of no caloric or low caloric intake, and thus expending less energy.

The sole best method up till this point for losing weight at least through a scientific point of view is through exercise. A study was conducted that individuals who exercise and eat a normal diet tend to loose weight and maintain their weight at a steady state after a long period of time of 3 years.

So, people just go and exercise lahh!! That's the only method for long-term weight loss and maintenance!

Exam now, no way can I go for detox. I need my caffeine in all its forms for those sleepless nights, man! Green tea, Boh tea...and no more coffee for me because I drank it so much I can't touch another cup.

Welcome to my world, where my allergies are so great that 'Rice, Potatoe and Green Beans' are my staple nightly meal, 'Rice Bubbles and Soya Milk' is my breakfast and something similar to the rice etc is my lunch (when I stick to my diet) and 2 to 3 litres of water is what i can drink. :-)

sounds a lil ridiculous though... liver cleansing diet. Did a project once on Fad Diets (all these weird diets) n had lectures on them. They are actually quite bad and not proven to be effective. that melilea thing, dono what they put inside pun. But how do you feel now....

hahaha, wow i am shocked to know that somebody else for once has tried that. When my mom discovered Melilea, she made us all go on the detox diet, and then gradually it became once a week, then a fortnight once, then monthly..then now slacking out.. tee hee. Melilea and cold water or Melilea with orange juice sure beats having it with lukewarm water for sure. That might be a good tip for you since u've gotta finish the bottle after u've spent some $$ buying that hugeass bottle ;)

lmao. that "long shit" u were talking about is not exactly shit. its all the crap that has been collecting in ur colon for the past what. 90 years kenny? o.O nah. jk. =)its been stuffed and packed for so long that it has taken the actual shape of ur colon. at least i think la.. i heard about it somewhere.. so yeah.

ooh.. btw, i WAS eating some fruit yoghurt before logging in to your site. repeat: WAS! and after reading that post. i threw it away even though it was still half full. >=(

OMGWTFBBQ how will putting a pic of a 1-metre long shit encourage people to go on a detox diet?
It's still better to eat balanced diets and exercise regularly.
Don't worry about pampering your liver with detox diets, unless livers fail they will still be able to filter the toxins.

hey Kenny! i know exactly what u mean..that melilea stuff is vile wei..but i kinda got used to the taste and started swallowing it (cos like every female on this planet knows..everything that's good for u & helps u lose weight for that matter, don't exactly taste like ayam goreng)and holding my breath at the same time..

it indeed helps ur system when it comes to the toilet guaranteed..however, that advert is just simply disgusting wei!!

Exercise, eat vege, balance diet, drink a lot of water, stay away from hard liquors, occational red wine,... you don't need detox! I have been on steady, healthty weight for the past 10 years. I'm in my thirtish, still look as good as twentish.

Hi.I'm using this product too. It's ok if u thinkin of getting rid the "shit" u mention, or u wish to keep it inside ur body?? Anyone interested, email me, i can give info on tis company and product if u wish. Health is priceless. Have a nice day. (",) By the way, i'm in kuching.

Hi.I'm using this product too. It's ok if u thinkin of getting rid the "shit" u mention, or u wish to keep it inside ur body?? Anyone interested, email me, i can give info on tis company and product if u wish. Health is priceless. Have a nice day. (",) By the way, i'm in kuching.

hey guys, the long long shit is actually clogged stool in our body.. I am using this product myself. Melilea has other product too. and it is realy good not only for adults and also for childred. I am from Singapore.May email me to talk about the products. leejocelyn@yahoo.com. must try, is realy good for our health.

actually thats the unclean things that remain in the small intestine.
so yea..
technically they're asking u to shit everyday so that when u die they dont find that long piece of crap stuck to the walls of ur intestine.

hi. i just came across mililea. my sis told me there have been an uproar about melilea consumption lead to unhealthy liver and kidney problem. since u have try it, will u tell me is it true or people make rumours to spoil the brand name? thank u. :D