As school kids, back in the days of the Cold War, we were taught to "duck and cover." In case of nuclear attack, the way to protect yourself was to duck under your desk. We even practiced it in school. Of course, we look back and laugh about it now, realizing it provided no protection at all.

Here we go again. Except now, thanks to Homeland Security Secretary Tom Ridge, we're operating under a new rubric. "Duck and cover" has been changed to "Duct tape and cover."

Nothing against duct tape, but I think we'd be safer crawling under our desks. Why should anybody take Ridge's new "Big Orange" alert seriously?