Are you sick and
tired of always being at the mercy of a shredder? Do you often find yourself
stretching the bounds of plausible deniability? Have you had enough of those
frivolous and sick “Freedom of Information” filings? Well, RoveCo International
feels your pain, and we have just the answer for you.

Introducing the Redacto Gel pen, the last word in security! You’ll be able to
express yourself freely and openly to those who matter without fear of future
accountability! Through our patented molecular process, anything you designate
as incriminating is automatically redacted within 36 hours, with no one outside
the loop being the wiser! Our patented chemical process also bonds with and
tightens the very fibers of the paper so that the indentations of your
handwriting disappear like magic. It’s just as if your thoughts and intentions
were never documented or distributed in the first place!

This is the
actual process in action in this time lapsed movie:

The next time
that you’re in a sensitive meeting discussing “actionable” strategies why not
make your memos useless in a future legal proceeding. Just press the button on
the side of the pen while writing a sensitive passage, and presto! That passage
is only viewable for 36 hours by your trusted few. Let’s say someone disloyal
wants to photocopy a memo written with the Redacto Gel Pen before the 36 hour
period is up… the intensity and frequency of the light from the photocopy
process, or for that matter flash photography instantly hastens and completes
the patented redaction process. They get Bupkiss!

Just listen to
these comments from our satisfied customers:

“Wow! If I had
only had a Redacto a couple of years ago, I could have testified to Congress, “I
believe the briefing in question was entitled, ‘Bin Laden Determined…’” C R
of Washington, DC

“Thanks again for
your promotional shipment of Redacto Gel Pens! They proved invaluable in this
year’s election here in Ohio. We found them quite useful in dealing with very
evil people who insisted on voting provisionally after they were challenged. We
were able to successfully throw out hundreds of thousands of these illegitimate
votes and registrations because of illegible signatures. I’m pleased to report
that the pens also function well on regular paper as well as the “card stock”
that I initially thought was needed! I hope you don’t mind, but I took the
liberty of forwarding one of your shipments to a friend in Florida, and she
seems pretty happy with the results as well! Redacto, you’re an election
saver!” K B of Columbus, Ohio

“What a great
Gag gift! Ha, Ha! Pun intended! I can write anything I want! ____ You! Go
____ Yourself! ____Me! ____ you and the horse you rode in on! This is _______
hilarious!” D C of Casper, Wyoming

We at RoveCo and
our parent company Helluvaburden are committed to security and the promotion of
free enterprise. How can we provide this technology to you? Frankly, this is
yesterday’s news… old technology, and we’re moving forward!

We understand
that most business and communication is done electronically, and this is the
direction in which our researchers are headed. In the near future, look for the
unveiling of Lizard Secretly Speaking, both the corporate and individual
versions. With this program, you’ll be able to dictate with redactions on the
fly. Your “eyes only” redactions will be protected by our patented “gigabit
encryption”. Lizard Secretly Speaking is able to recognize and anticipate
potentially damaging material through a patented combination of voice stress and
conjunction placement and frequency analysis. It’ll be just as if you never
actually said it in the first place!

But wait! Here’s
another testimonial from a satisfied customer who’s found a whole new and
creative use for the Redacto Gel Pen:

“I often have to
sit through long and boring meetings and I stay awake by drawing pictures of my
little Scottie dog, ‘cause I don’t like to read or write a lot. Anyways, I was
sitting in a meeting the other day, kind of drawing on the back of my hand with
one of your pens and it felt kind of funny and tingly. A few days later, after
the ink had worn off, I noticed the wrinkles on the back of my hand had gone
away! I went to the mirror and decided to see if it might work on some other
wrinkles. Here’s some pictures that I took before and after. “

“Boy, my wife
almost didn’t recognize me! I looked like I did thirty years ago when I was a
hotshot fighter-jock over in the ‘Nam… and that’s no exaggeration! I gotta get
one of these for my pals Dick and Don! Bring on the Grecian Formula… Yeehah!”
G B of Crawford, Texas

Yes! The Redacto
Gel Pen’s patented cyanoacrylate reaction has been shown to be effective in
tightening collagen fibers! (We cannot, however, endorse this use of our product
in this manner secondary to possible long term deleterious effects. The solvents
involved in our process have had demonstrated CNS side effects, including memory
loss, diminished motor coordination, and, over prolonged exposure, delusions of
grandeur.)

How much would
you be willing to pay for this much security, fun, and piece of mind? How about
$49.95 for the Redacto Gel Pen and three refills? The pen could pay for itself
in just three pizza deliveries! Call now! Our toll-free operators are standing
by in Bangladesh! Visa, Master-Card, and Political Capital Card accepted, no
checks please… for obvious reasons! Coming soon from Helluvaburden (Giving
Business the Freedom to give Freedom the Business!), Redacto ink-jet cartridges
for your printer.

Political Capital Card… The
card that cares, so that you don’t have to!