Carrboro
Decides to Build Up.....Out..... and Down... and as a Matter
of Fact... All Around

No longer willing
to sit in the shadow of it's larger and better known neighbor,
Carrboro has decided on a somewhat risky path of building
wars with Chapel Hill.

"We'll never
overtake them with our wait and see, evaluate and grow slow
policy! That's so... so... so.... Democrat! The Republicans
go after whatever they want, and damned be the consequences,
and so will go Carrboro!", explained one person who might
possibly be a Carrboro Alderman. "We're tired of living
in their shadow. We want to be known as Carrboro, in and in
our own right.... not as 'Carrboro- Gateway to Chapel Hill".

With the approval
of the first in many to come downtown projects- 48,000 sq.
foot, 72-foot high 7 and 2/10ths story building will become
the centerpiece of the Carrboro Downtown project until the
real center piece is built, which is projected to be started
and completed sometime in the future. The centerpiece will
be in the space previously occupied by Piggley Wiggley.

"I'll be delighted
to kiss Piggley-Wiggley good-bye", said one alderperson.
"It's long overdue!". This led one observer to question
when the last time the alderperson had visited the town she
represents. Piggley-Wiggley has been gone so long that 76%
of the Carrboro residents no longer even know that it had
even existed. But for those of you who are sticklers for facts,
according to our research department it's been determined
that the Piggley-Wiggley moved out just about 15 to 25 or
30 years ago or maybe longer, but also possibly less.

Our vision of Carrboro Traffic-
This will keep them from moving here...

Part of the plan
to expand is to build outward, upward and downward.... Large
10+ story buildings will help us to keep the outlying fields
green so that we can develop them into large Cary-like suburban
communities and to help ease the parking problems, which can
only get worse, by digging down and setting up subterranean
self-tending parking lots.

Addressing the
problem, another Carrboro town alderperson said that the parking
difficulties would be outweighed by the significant increase
of the nonresidential tax revenue. Once again The Carrboro
News put it's research department to work and they determined
that the alderperson is correct- the inconvenience to maybe
75-100 people a day will be far outweighed by the fact that
residential property owners will receive a tax rebate of between
$1 and $2.34 per household for the 2008-2009 tax year. Who
ever said that taxes never go down!

For the past ten
years, the quaint little town of Carrboro has shown up on
everyone's top ten places to live, causing a rapid growth
that is hard to keep up with. "These lists are killing
our little town. As long as we make the top ten we will have
to fight this influx of retirees, and urban refugees. The
only way to stop this influx is to get off the lists.... and
the only way to get off these lists and protect our quaint
little town is to expand quickly so that we have the same
traffic problems, high taxes and crime as other communities.
That will stop the influx. We could sit by and idly watch
it happen, or we can take the bull by the horns and do it
quickly. "

Seeing the onslaught
of strip malls and wall to wall buildings and businesses on
Long Island, it has become evident that the only way to stop
the Long Island escapees is to say "Hey, we've got the
same problems as you, plus 95% humidity in the summer and
no professional Major league baseball teams".

The Carrboro News
salutes Carrboro's drive to become the biggest, best, crowdedist,
most business and residential tax-based community west of
Chapel Hill!...... Forward Troops!!