Adult Prom Fad Is for Losers

Has there ever been an event with music and punch more controversial than prom? Girls can't bring girls. Boys can't ask girls in creative ways. And don't even think of wearing that super slutty dress! And then how about the actual event itself? Let's see, you've got a general undercurrent of angst, a few "same dress" disasters, and there's always a girl or two who winds up crying in the bathroom. In a nutshell, prom sucks.

So, why oh why would adults, full grown, post-pubescent humans, want to relive such a catastrophic event in the new trend dubbed "Adult Proms"? Is their hindsight 20/20? Are they "those kinds of people" who simply can't stop talking about "that killer touchdown of '92"? Or are they just so terribly bored with adult life, and all the annoyances that come with it, they simply have nothing better to do?

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On one hand -- and it's a very small hand, an infant hand -- I get that there are reasons it could be better the second time around. And that reason is booze. The Adult Prom is sure to boast an impressive superfluity of hooch. You know, like weddings and New Year's Eve parties and other fancy, normal adult functions. You won't have to hide your alcohol at Adult Prom -- or spend the entire evening figuring whose brother is going to buy the beer for afterwards.

Then again, doesn't that take some of the fun out of it? Wasn't half the thrill of drinking at 17 because we weren't supposed to be? I challenge the person who vouches that taking a shot of Southern Comfort out of their parents' liquor cabinet is more fun in their 30s than in their teens. We do it in our teens because it's naughty. We do it in our 30s because we have to.

And sure you'll be able to indulge in all the groping and grinding your little heart desires. But you won't. If you're going to a prom in your 30s or 40s, chances are you'll be attending with your husband or long-term significant other. And not to be a killjoy, but it's just not the same as going with a high school crush. At Adult Prom you'll be with your friends. You'll be blowing off real-life steam. And you'll be off-your-rocker hammered. I find it hard to imagine a full blown necking session going down in the corner when there's dancing to "Don't Stop Believing" to be done.

So, if we all feel that a little fanfare is missing from our regular social lives, why don't we just take things up a notch? In a sane manner. Let's get all gussied up and go to a fancy restaurant. Let's invite friends over for a night of cocktails and dancing (in regular clothes). And if we really, really just want an excuse to wear a taffeta dress, well, there's always Halloween.