Use Your Strong Suit, Cover Your Weaknesses

I got an email from a guy worried that every time he tried to turn his Game on, he just couldn’t pull off being a James Bond 007 type. It always turned into something like Austin Powers.

Well…..

That’s not actually a problem. I mean I don’t go around trying to pull off a James Bond vibe either, it simply wouldn’t seem right for me. I would feel weird doing it and it would come across as try hard stupid. In fact my “Goofy and Groping” approach is I guess fairly similar to Austin Powers in tone.

Look you can’t be every single type of guy that’s attractive to women. You can’t be High-Powered-Career-Guy and All-Star-Sports-Guy and Creative-Genius-Funny-Guy and Perfect-Father-Around-The- House-Guy and Almost-Like-Jesus-Church-Guy and Rough-Tough-Bad-Boy-Guy and so on and so on and so on. There’s simply not enough time in your day for anyone to learn all that. You don’t likely even have good genetics for some of them either. I could wind the clock back thirty years and try my hardest and I wouldn’t be able to turn pro at any sport.

All those types of guys are attractive to women, no question. But usually one of those types works better for attracting your wife than the others do. Being that sort of guy was very likely what you were doing when you met your wife and got her to marry you. So you keep doing what you’re good at – what you’re best at – but you also cover yourself by getting down the basics of the other types.

So if you’re the Perfect-Father-Around-The-House-Guy, you keep doing that stuff like normal, but you also make sure you have a decent income, that you have some basic fitness, that you’re not being a dumbass, that you have a basic moral code and are trustworthy, that you can stand your ground with her. You work your strengths and cover your weaknesses.

If your wife is into you because you’re All-Star-Sports-Guy, she’s going to stay turned on by you as long as you keep your body together. Being an average father and help around the house isn’t going to be a positive or a negative. Turning into Superfatherlaundryman isn’t going to turn her on, but doing absolutely nothing around the house and kids will make her lose interest and relationship comfort with you and turn her off.

For me, I’m… surprise surprise… Creative-Genius-Funny-Guy. The good news is that’s the type of guy Jennifer is into. Beyond a certain baseline income, crazy more money isn’t going to make Jennifer want me any more. Beyond a certain baseline physical fitness, crazy more fitness isn’t going to make Jennifer want me any more. Same with acting tough and helping around the house. Some is good, lots more is much the same effect as “some”. What works for me to attract Jennifer is writing MMSL and making her laugh a lot. She also likes having her ass and boobs groped at by me. Thus “Goofy and Groping”.

Comments

Unfortunately, although my recollection of our courtship is rather hazy after all these years, I think I was mostly Dumbass Beta Guy. Obviously I did something right, and I wonder if it wasn’t related to us being out in social situations together. I’m more Alpha with other people around, and if, as my wife claims, other women like to flirt with me, that might have helped. But now our social circle is all middle-aged married couples with kids, and if we assume I still have young single women displaying interest, it’s unlikely that my wife would be there to see it.

Good advice. I learnt the hard way in business that it is a mistake to work on your weakness too much. Because then you become so good at them that people want you to do those things. So you end up doing stuff you’ve become good at but don’t really like. I think Steve Vai (guitarist) said something similar—that he’d never worked on his weaknesses; he’d just capitalized on his strengths. I could never understand that until I realised that my own weakness-building had lead me away from things I truly enjoyed.

This post led me to think about all the things that attracted me to my husband 20 years ago. I hadn’t ever sat and thought about it in a “list them” sort of way. He was laid-back, artistic, funny, yet hard-working. Also very easy on the eyes. He hasn’t changed much.
Gosh, now I’m feeling all tingly. Where is that man? “Kids…time for mom and dad to take a nap!”

This worries me a little bit.. I have no major structural weaknesses, just too much beta that caused me to seek out Athol’s site (like most others I’m guessing). However, I was a pissed-off 19 year old skateboarder playing in a grunge band when my wife and I met. I had long hair and looked pretty much like Kurt Cobain. Now I am a well-paid IT professional approaching middle age, and I obviously can’t go back to those days, nor would I want to. She has on several occasions mentioned that she loved my long hair back then and doesn’t like it short now, but ugh, I can’t present myself that way now obviously. I have started playing guitar with some friends again which I love and is tons of fun, but the problem with that is that I was never really very good anyway. She also loves tattoos, but I have none as I have always thought they looked trashy, like putting graffiti on your body. I am a much different person now than I was back then. Maybe I just need to look for ways to be a little more bad-boy-like, just not sure what exactly that would be. It’s really not who I am at all anymore.

Tell her you gave your two weeks notice so you can go full time with your band. Also that you are going to grow your hair out long again and you need help designing a tattoo of the band’s name to cover your back.

RPA- how do you dress normally? Could you dress more ‘bad-boy’? My hubby works in IT and wears jeans/shirts to work (it hasn’t hurt his career -he is quite Alpha at work). He also goes to the gym and has a great physique. He is bigger (in better shape) and more alpha than every other man I’ve met from his work. Perhaps you could upgrade your wardrobe to be more ‘bad-boy’ and develop a slightly more ‘cavalier’ attitude about things outside work? Nothing obnoxious, just a bit more rougish? You could write her a song – about how great her ass is….

RPA, where I live, lots of middle aged men in IT (older than you) have long hair — and even wear Utili-kilts to work. You might grow your hair as long as you can without raising eyebrows. As for tats, there are lots of temporary options — maybe your wife would enjoy painting you.

My taste is for the scary-smart alpha geek who loves science fiction and word play.If he also loves music and likes making things, I’m putty.

I smell danger Will Robinson!!
Sounds like some bored middleage creeping in fantasizing about the old tingling days of bad boy skater dude.
Ramp up the alpha but part of it is …guess what you have matured and put away the teenager.
I love the two week notice idea. Snap her out of the fantasy. But dont change who you aare so she can fantasize about a bad boy.
Tats long hair grunge are just a uniform. Play the badass role but on your terms. Notjing wrong with a slap oon the ass and a quickie in the bands rehersal spot in whatever you wear to work. Its the badass she wants so put it in a suit. think Daniel Craig at the poker table. worlds biggest badass in an armani suit!!

I work in IT too and the guys who wear kilts just seem like weird betas. Having a little rat pony tail is creepy too.
@Girl4 is right…It’s 2012 and its time to rock a current style for your age. Put some muscle on, I’ve always been skinny with a gut and now i have some muscle and a much smaller gut and my wife likes my new muscles. My hair has always been long which my wife liked a lot but now its short. DO WHAT YOU LIKE! Stop trying to please all the time its not cool and beta. Get yourself some clothes, different stuff for different moods. Put your leather jacket and boots on (boxers too) and tell your wife its go time. She’ll appreciate it.

If your wife likes tattoos tell her to saddle up cause your taking her to get a tat, put your name on her ass! That’s what hardcore alphas do, they tat their wives.

Great post. Even better comments. Loved the IT comments since I work in the Land of the Golden Mountain (Silicon Valley). Day to day don’t recognize too many alphas but I am sure they are here. The seminal message – get your ass off the couch and start working out – is golden. I have two sons I am force feeding the red pill to. J and A: how old are your daughters?

So far I have managed to talk my wife out of getting a tattoo every time she has brought it up, but next time it comes up I’m going to tell her the only one I will approve of is one that says “Property of RedPillAwakening” on her ass! Or maybe “Mrs. RPA”.. lol

But yeah I’ve read Athol’s book and a year’s worth of his blog, along with other Manosphere destinations such as Heartiste and Rational Male. The message really fell on fertile soil, as I had figured out bits and pieces myself along the way already (Never believe anything a woman says, only what they do; women’s attraction triggers are often behavioral, etc. ) It had all made me very bitter and angry, and Athol’s site (much more so than the others) has done a lot to give me hope. I have dressed well and kept in great physical shape for our whole marraige but now I understand that I need to internalize and learn all of these behaviors (many of which, ironically, came fairly natural when I was a 19-year-old and pissed off at the world). It will be a long road back but at least now I have hope.

If you want badass that is still business acceptable, check out what the more masculine guys you see around are doing for hairstyles etc. For instance, you never see a biker with a haircut that requires too much maintenance, so aim closer to a cleaned-up biker look. Go really short hair, i.e. clippers or shave it totally bald. Clippers are good for the one/two day beard stubble look too. If you need to be clean shaven for work, then shave every weekday except Friday. That will give you a slight beard for the weekend. Beards signals masculinity to most women. Also, get a motorcycle.

Why is it that on Athol’s post about how women should grow their hair out, there are dozens of comments on how women should do it because men find it attractive, no matter what women like. But here, when a man says he doesn’t want to grow his hair out, even though his wife has repeatedly mentioned that she finds long hair attractive, there are a bunch of “Don’t listen to her and do what you want!” comment.

This just doesn’t follow for me. It seems like if you’re going to argue that you should do what it takes to attract your spouse, it should apply to both men and women.

@wait a second – naturally it depends what it is. An IT proffessional growing his hair long will effect his credibility at work. It would not be beneficial to his career for him to do so. If she asked him to wear blue contact lenses, that would not have the same detrimental effect.
It would be like a man asking his wife to get a boob job -without concern for her health and self image. She should not do it if it’s detrimental to her. But if he asks her to grow her hair – that will not harm her or her career in any way (that I can think of).

Such great advice. If, like a lot of guys, you have a bit of a competitive streak, it can be tempting to look at something you’re not an instant natural at and say, “Well, if I can’t win this game I’m just not going to play.” But that’s just not a very good way to look at it.

In my case, it was the muscles thing. Ever since high school, if it should happen that I walk into the weight room of a gym, I’d take a look around at the hardcore bodybuilders and I’d say, “Well, I’m just plain never going to be that. That’s great for them, but I can tell you right now that I’ll never put in the time and effort to look like that and even if I did, my body type just isn’t right for it.” And that was all 100% correct as far as it went, but my mistake was to then turn around and leave the gym and not try at all. I thought, “Well, instead of the Bodybuilder Guy, I’ll be the Goofy Funny Guy.”

Here’s the thing: I’ve got the Goofy Funny Guy thing DOWN. I’m far beyond the point of diminishing returns on that. In fact, I’d say I’ve pretty much hit the level cap. If I may be permitted to egregiously mix my metaphors, I’ll probably never have a degree in Bodybuilder Guy, but I’ll still get way more mileage out of a major in Goofy Funny Guy with a minor in Bodybuilder Guy than I’d get with a degree in Goofy Funny Guy alone. And if I can get a certificate in Well-Dressed Guy and, yes, even a few credit hours in Nice Caring Supportive Guy, that can’t hurt either.