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Because life doesn't go in a straight line.

Merry Little Christmas

I did better today. Not perfect, but better. There were moments of genuine alternative action and self-care. I’m hoping to continue the upward trend.

I did some cooking today. I made cheddar black pepper biscuits for Christmas Eve, as well as some rosemary simple syrup for Rosemary Gin Fizzes (which I want to drink LOTS of), and it actually worked well. I also had a lot of success doing “work” at the dining room table… work like non-profit grant research for my company, doing a little freelancing for my dad’s books, going on Facebook like a champ, etc. There’s something about being at a dining room table that feels normal… not that I had much “normal” in my life, but for some reason, that’s what it feels like.

Tomorrow’s a big day. My family tradition is LOBSTER. Lots of it. My dad wrote the book about lobster (well, a book) so we’re pretty serious. Plus pasta, salad, my biscuits, a crazy chocolate cake, and if I have anything to do with it, lots of alcohol. Gramalita (my grandmother) comes over at 5pm. She can be tough, but I want to be as gracious as possible. Maybe having my sister there will help. Maybe the drinking will help. Good lord.

I have always loved Christmas, though. Hopefully I’ll find a way into the Christmas spirit tomorrow, to make it fun like it was when I was a kid. That’s the goal. 🙂

P.S. Do any of you watch HOMELAND on Showtime? I binged on it over Thanksgiving break because the friend’s family who I was with had Showtime on demand. It’s so freaking good in every possible way– writing, acting, direction, story… Damian Lewis, y’all. And Mandy Patinkin and Claire Danes and MARIN IRELAND (whose career is what I want and whose self is what I aspire to be). Check it.

P.P.S. I hadn’t heard from my friend L (the one with lymphoma) in a couple of days, so I texted her mom. Turns out she’s still in the hospital, def not going home for Christmas. I’m incredibly sad to not be with her, incredibly sad she’s alone, and incredibly sad and scared that she’s reacting so intensely to the chemo. She’s supposedly going to be cured. But I’m so scared for her. And so so so sad. I just want her to be well. 😦

Well, Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Kwanzaa and all the rest. Hope you may spend some wonderful, warm hours with those you love.