Saturday, April 9, 2011

Let There Be Gravy

It’s been a frantic week in the news, with speculation rife on matters of great import.

Will Steve Coogan play Saif Gaddafi in the forthcoming film, Carry On Bombing?

Will Wayne Rooney ever become a modern day Eliza Doolittle under the tutelage of Prince Harry and Chris Ewbank?

Will Kevin Whately submit to nip and tuck plastic surgery and replace Hathaway as his own much maligned sidekick in a future series of Lewis?

And, of course — who will win Whirl’s gravy?

I can now confirm that the answers to my 3rd Bloggiversary Quiz have been checked and verified, neatly ironed and laid out like the Seven Dwarves’ underpants prior to the gusset examination scene Disney cut from the movie to make Snow White seem less of a prig, and — drum roll, fanfare, Red Arrows flypast — I am pleased to reveal the worthy winner.

But first, here is the inevitable roll call of the people who bummed out dismally, mumbled into a feedback-ravaged microphone in an empty room on a distant star.

Fairyhedgehog scored 2, Sylvia batted 1, Simon Kewin hit 2, Evil Editor managed 2 in spite of not even trying to answer most of the questions, Moonrat came top of the bottom with 0 along with JJ — leaving AA to come top of the side with a slightly different means of getting 100% wrong answers — Jinksy bowled a 1, and Dave Fragments broke his Abysswinksback Quiz Duck by wrestling to the ground a perfectly respectable 3.

(The answers, by the way, are 1c 2c 3a 4a 5c 6c 7d 8c)

All of which leaves one or two people unaccounted for — the people Sock Monkey referred to as “the clowns”.

Despite his generous offer of a drawing of a hat, Peter Dudley was deemed to have cheated and bottom spankers have been dispatched.

Similarly, JaneyV’s remarks about jam were treated as infantile frippery but since the bottom spankers had already been sent out to deal with Peter, the Mule of Drool has been untethered and packed off on a train to Whitterville.

Also falling foul of Sock Monkey’s rulemeistery was Sarah Laurenson, who thought she could get lucky by plumping for C for every answer. As it turned out, she could have been very lucky indeed and WON with a top score of 5. However, she might equally have gone with B and scored ZERO. So, batten down the hatches, missus, for Cap’n Pokey & His Hip Hop Prod-U Orchestra is on its way over.