Saturday, December 31, 2011

This is the time of year when anyone who writes about hockey feels obligated to come up with a year in review piece. But 2011 seems different. After all, is it even worth looking back at a year that was largely marked by tragedy, concussions, franchise instability, and over-the-top violence?

Well, my mother used to tell me that "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all". But my editors currently tell me that "If you don't say anything at all, we don't have to pay you". So apparently we'll be doing a 2011 year in review after all.

Here's a look back at some of the NHL's most memorable moments of the past 12 months.

January 1 - In a request that he will later wish he had worded slightly differently, Gary Bettman prays to the hockey gods that the millions of fans tuning into that night's Winter Classic will get to see Sidney Crosby have one of his best games of the entire year.

January 28 - Phil Kessel is picked last in the all-star draft while Alexander Ovechkin makes a show of taking his photo. Ovechkin later apologizes and promises that he won't take a photo when Kessel is drafted for the 2012 all-star game, since he'll probably just hit pause on his DVR while watching from his living room.

February 28 - In arguably the biggest deal of trade deadline day the Washington Capitals send David Steckel and a draft pick to the Devils in exchange for Jason Arnott, a player so old that he can actually remember a time when trade deadline day was interesting.March 8 - Montreal's Max Pacioretty is injured on a vicious hit by Zdeno Chara in an incident that everyone later agrees could have been avoided if assistant coach Randy Cunneyworth hadn't kept yelling "Watch out for that stanchion!" in English.

June 1 - Brendan Shanahan acknowledges that his new role as the league's disciplinarian may occasionally be challenging, marking the last known instance of anyone in the hockey world agreeing with him about anything.

June 15 - Vancouver's game seven loss in the Stanley Cup finals results in a full-scale riot featuring extensive looting and significant property damage, or as hockey fans will later come to refer to it: "pretty much the most positive story of the summer".

June 23 - The Flyers trade popular stars Jeff Carter and Mike Richards to free up cap space to sign Ilya Bryzgalov to a massive contract, according to an announcement from someone who looks suspiciously like the casting director for HBO's 24/7 series wearing a Paul Holmgrem mask.

June 24 - The Oilers take Ryan Nugent-Hopkins with the first overall pick in the NHL draft, but caution their fans that as an 18-year-old he realistically won't develop into a dominant player until he's played a few periods of a preseason game first.

July 2 - Marquee free agent Brad Richards signs a nine-year contract to play for the New York Rangers for six years.

October 9 - The Winnipeg Jets return to the league for the first time since 1996, although the moment gets awkward when they turn to their opponents and say "Wow, the storied Montreal Canadiens, you guys must have won a ton of Stanley Cups while we were gone".

November 30 - Head coaches Bruce Boudreau, Paul Maurice and Randy Carlyle are all fired within days of each other after Scott Arniel learns how to get his cell phone to automatically forward his incoming calls.

December 8 - The announcement that the Toronto Maple Leafs are being purchased by Bell and Rogers receives a decent reception, although not as strong a reception as that pushy sales guy in the mall store promised it would get.

December 31 - In what hockey fans around the world will no doubt agree is the undisputed highlight of the entire year, 2011 ends.

One serious note, the Mike Richards trade didn't free up cap space at all. We got back roughly the same amount of dollars on the cap that Richards was earning thanks to Brayden Schenn's bonus filled contract. We can only wonder why the Flyers actually decided to trade their captain (given that it wasn't cap space).

" January 28 - Phil Kessel is picked last in the all-star draft while Alexander Ovechkin makes a show of taking his photo. Ovechkin later apologizes and promises that he won't take a photo when Kessel is drafted for the 2012 all-star game, since he'll probably just hit pause on his DVR while watching from his living room."