Now....., my memory is nowhere as good as my looks, but I will try to recollect as best I can.

My Gramps used to start his tales with “Back in ought-two” or “back in ought-three”.

Well, the wheel has come full-circle, with sticky “little people” calling me Poppy, so I feel I have earned the right to use the line.

It was back in late summer of ought-three; I spent more time carving back then. Ya see, times were a tad slower in them days; a body had time to sit in the shade of the big tree and whittle with friends while enjoying tall glasses of iced tea or lemonade.

Ya know, the old days really were better; I miss 2003 and the good times we had back then.

It don’t take much to throw me off the track. Let’s see, where was I going with this?

Oh yes, well like I was a sayin, it was early fall back in ought-three when I took a phone call from a serious-sounding young lady. Seems she was working for the “Elect Al Gore” committee. Her question was, could I produce 2500 small carved wood pumpkins in less than two weeks to be used as table settings at a big fund-raising dinner.

I asked "fer a bit to do some cipherin and chew on the prospect a spell". She replied; “what the H - - L are you talking about?” So in my best English, I asked for some time to “crunch the numbers and determine if the timeline was feasible.”

Once I hung up the phone (and she couldn’t make anymore nasty comments on my speech impairment), I got down to some serious ciphering with carrying an all. The final price was 23 dollars each; actually 21.57, but I figured she owed me a little for her insensitivity to my (country bumkin) way of talkin.

The next morning I phoned and submitted my bid; an hour later she returned my call and said "the price exceeded the two-dollars and fifty-cents she had budgeted for each of the wood carved pumpkins."

(I figured 23 dollars was the bare minimum for a captive "thousand-dollar-a-plate dinner guest” being forced to hear Mr. Gore speak for an hour.)

I explained that each pumpkin would be hand carved and crafted by a local artistsan and each would be signed, dated, and of presentation quality.

I was nearly speechless when she asked: “can’t you get them made in China?”

I replied;

"Yes Ma'am, but the price will be a might steeper, if I go there and whittle 'em."