Son Ranto Rants

We love you, Yu. So much that some of you will click this link and buy some Yu Darvish merchandise to make him feel better.

So, now that we've bought Yu's Shirsey, get his ass to NYC and start a throwing program, or wherever it is injured pitchers go to rehab. Because the Cubs are taking on the Mets and we need Yu back ASAP

The Cubs catch the Mets at a good time to beat them because they have old ass players who are injured as fuck and the best parts of their rotation is nursing a sore finger like the little girl in Sound of Music who can't sing because she hurt her finger. (insert Sound of Music Clip I couldn't find). Im looking at you Thor Injuredgaard and Matz-aball soup for the soul.

Anyway, half the Mets team could take advantage of the senior citizen blue hair special at Denny's and the other half is either in the hospital or young and proving themselves. The Mets have a middle of the road everything, hitting, pitching, defense and though they got off to a hot start, winning 9 in a row in April, their fortunes have flagged recently sitting just a game over even.

The Mets Injury Report is longer than the Bible so I won't print it here but here are some notables you will NOT see (probably)....

Your Anus Cespedes, Todd "I've Always Looked Old" Frazier, Wilmer "Llores" Flores (he cried on the field when he thought he was traded and llorar means "cry" in Spanish), and Thor Injurgaard are all well.... injured. There are others but who cares, you get the point, they are hurt.

The Mets bullpenis terrible too and blew 2 saves this week. So look for them to suck late. They split 4 with the Braves this week including a Memorial Day double dip, so not only are they injured but tired too. They are almost in one of these.

Some stats comparing the 2 teams I wrote down the other day.

Offense

Mets are middle of the road in all offensive categories. 15th-20th in majors

Hit 4 fewer homers than the Cubs 21st, and 16th Cubs

Middle of the road walks. Cubs now 4th most.

11th best in not striking out. Cubs 5th best.

Both Mets and Cubs are bottom 3rd of the league in stealing bases, Mets have 4 more.

Cubs have scored 51 more runs than the Mets

Pitching

Cubs 3.36, 5th to Mets 4.23, 19th team ERA

Cubs 3.81 to Mets 4.16 Starters 9th and 15th

Cubs 2.71 to Mets 4.33 relievers 3rd and 23rd

Cubs 3rd in walks, Mets 19th

Mets 7th in Ks Cubs 18th

Cubs given up 3rd fewest homers. Mets 12th most. 14 more

Defense

Cubs 9th in Errors, Mets 19th

67 % chance of stealing on Willson/Cubs, 83% chance on stealing against the Mets. Mesoroco and Plawecki

Cubs 4th in DER. .715 Mets….678, 6th worst

And here are your pitching matchups for the weekend 4 game series. If you're buying tickets to any Cubs game, please click our Stubhub links and we can get paid.

G1

Jose Quintana 5-4, 4.78 vs Seth Lugo 2.48

6:10 NBC Sports

Jose went 7 IP against the Mets, 2 runs on 6 hits. 7 Ks

Last time against the Giants, 4 runs on 5 hits. 6 Ks (5 in a row) 4.1 innings. Ian Happ’s fault.

Bautista is only 2-22 but they are both homers.

Cespedes is 10-18 with 4 homers.

Lugo hasn’t started yet this year. 2.48 ERA.

8 runs on 7 hits, only lasted 3 ip in 2017 against Cubs

Rizzo has homer. Cubs batting .346 off him. No one has more than 5 PAs.

G2

Wilder Chatwalk 3-4, 4.10 vs. Zack Wheeler 2-4, 5.40

6:10 NBC Sports

Michael Conforto replica jersey

Chatwood walked the side against the Giants, but Cubs still won. Leads the league in walks with 45.

Saw Mets twice last year. In Colorado gave up 8 runs on 8 hits and lasted 5.

In NYC. Only got one out before giving up a grand slam after walking 3.

Jay Bruce kicks the Crap out of him, 9 ABs, 4 hits, 2 homers.

Yoenis, Asdrubal Cabrera, and Adrian Gonzales have homered off him too.

Zack gave up 4 runs on 6 hits hits against milwaukee last time, lasted 6

Cubs knocked him out in the 2nd last year after getting 8 runs on 6 hits as Rizzo and Happ went deep on him. Cubs won 14-3.

Kind of a misleading headline for a simple Cubs and Braves preview but whatever. Click bait.

The Braves are the best and most racist team in the National League right now. They hit better than the Cubs with the best batting average in the majors and they find themselves 10 games over .500 atop the NL East. The Cubs are familiar with the Injun's hitting prowess at this point in the season. They've lost 2 of 3 games to the Native Americans. Cubs got shut out 4-0 and lost in dramatic fashion yesterday when Q's "Uality Start" of 6 runs over 4.2 IP, which included 3 Red Man dongs capped off KB's Klurching with the bases loaded in the 9th, and the Cubs were scalped 6-5. The only game the Cubs won against the Squaw's was that crazy cold rainy game when the Cubs scored 9 in the 8th when the Red Skinned pitchers couldn't hold the ball because someone stole all their buffalo skins.

The Savages pitching is pretty good too. Their team ERA is in the mid 3's, as is the Cubs, thanks to our #bullpenis which is nearly a run better than the Braves #bullpenis. The only thing the Pocahantas pitchers suck at is giving up walks. They've given up the 2nd most in MLB. Cubs aren't much better as they've walked the 5th most batters in organized baseball.

Well that sucked. To get swept by the Cardinals the way the Cubs got swept by the Cardinals is just about the worst baseball imaginable. The Cubs kicked the ball around so much I thought I was watching soccer. Untimely errors and hitting lead to unearned runs and un-earned runs. It sucked hard. But here's the bright side. The Cubs will face two teams under .500 this week, beginning with the Marlins for 3 games at Wrigley and then the White Sox over the weekend. The bad news is....the Marlins have been pretty good lately.

After getting swept by Milwaukee, the Marlins have gone on to win their next 4 series against the banged up Trolley Dodgers (who couldn't dodge a trolley apparently), The Rockies, The Phillies (they beat Arrieta), and finally the hapless Reds who don't even have 10 wins yet. Add to that the fact that the Cubs only managed a split of 4 games against the Marlins in the first series of the season, slightly outscoring the last place Marlins 19-18, and it doesn't look as much of a cakewalk as we might have hoped after hearing about Derek Jeter's fire sale.

Jeter is trying to build an entire time that rhymes with Marlin. So far he has Starlin (Castro) and Jarlin (Garcia). Word has it he's working on getting Jeff Garlin to switch his allegiances from the Cubs to Miami.

Miami has a record of 13-20, last place and are 7-3 in their last 10. The Cubs are a game over .500 at 16-15 and have split their last 10.

So far this year, their numbers stink, but the Cubs haven't been much better. These stats are from a couple of days ago, but you get the picture.

Offense

Marlins have the lowest OPS in the majors .621. Cubs middle of the pack .724

Marlins hit the least amount of homers 22. Cubs 5th least, 28

5th fewest walks, Cubs 4th fewest walks.

Cubs 6th fewest Ks. Marlins in the middle of the pack.

3rd fewest SB’s to Cubs least SB’s in the majors. Tied with the A’s

Scored the least amount of runs. 99 to Cubs 138, in the middle.

Pitching

4.63 to 3.38 Team ERA. Advantage Cubs

Starters, 3.91 to 4.38 Advantage Cubs

Relievers 4.94 to 2.57 Advantage Cubs

Marlins given up the 3rd most walks. Cubs 5th most.

Marlins middle of the road in giving up homers. Cubs 8th best.

Marlins middling in Ks, Cubs in the bottom of the league.

Defense

Cubs have committed the 3rd most errors. Marlins 6th least.

Marlins lead the league in Caught Stealing and the 5th fewest SBs against. Realmuto is good.

Cubs now middle of the road in throwing runners out.

So unfortunately, the Cubs are simply not that much better than the Marlins, at least offensively so far. Here are the matchups for the games that look like they will be played in cool but dry weather except for possible showers on Wednesday.

If you're going to the game click this link and buy your Stubhub tix through us and we get paid!

G1

Lefty Jarlin the Marlin Garcia 1-0, 1.09 Vs. Kyle Hendricks 2-2, 3.19

KW Flag day

Rematch of March 30th. Cubs lost 2-1

Cubs only got 1 hit and 0 runs off of Jarlin over 6IP in the first series of the season. Cubs lost 2-1

Last time out gave up 1 run on 4 hits over 6IP against the Dodgers. Marlins lost 2-1

Jarlin has a .848 WHIP

Rizzo, Bryant and Heyward have the only hits in 25 PAs

Kyle gave up 1 run on 4 hits against the Marlins in March. Lasted 6

Last time Kyle gave up 0 runs and 4 hits against the Brewers. 0 walks.

The Cubs head to St. Toothless for a 3 game weekend series beginning tonight and I'm here to tell you all about how the two longtime rivals match up.

The Cubs and Cards split a series at Wrigley with the Cubs winning 8 to 5 and losing 5-3, with a 3rd game being washed out and rescheduled on July 21st. In fact, 2 games were postponed, but the cubs 8-5 win was made up the next day. Currently, the Cubs sit half a game back of the Cardinals and a full game back of the Brewers, who've continued beating up on bad teams like the Reds, the Royals, and the Padres while looking like the Cubs kid brother when they play Chicago. But this preview isn't about the Brewers, it's about the sticky chested, STD ridden, resting bitch faced Cardinals. Here's who they are.

The Cards just took 2 from the White Sox on the south side and had 2 weekday off days bookending the series, so their #Bullpenis unfortunately rested. What's left of em anyway. Brett Cecil, Ryan Sherriff, and Sam Tuivalala are all injured, though Sherriff is expected back soon. And Adam Wainwright has a hurt elbow, which he hurt at Wrigley in the Cardinals win, but could be back to face the Cubs Sunday night as no starter has been announced.

The Cardinals don't hit for average, with Kolten Wong, Dexter Fowler, and Matt Carpenter all hitting below .200, but they have hit 9 more homers than the Cubs led by Paul DeJong with 7 and Yadier Molina with 6. The Cards also walk more than the Cubs and steal more bases. (But everyone steals more bases than the Cubs who are last in the majors)

Pitching wise, last minute free agent edition Greg Holland hasn't worked out for the Cardinals so far. He's given up 7 runs and 8 walks in just over 7 innings pitched. thus, their bullpen ERA of 3.49 is nearly a run worse than the Cubs. However, their starters are nearly a run better than the Cubs starters. but luckily, the Cubs will miss their best starter, the STD ridden Carlos Martinez, with a 3-1 record, a strike out per inning, 1.40 ERA, and herpes. Of note. The Cardinals have given up the fewest homers in the majors.

Defensively, Yadi hasn't caught anyone stealing yet. But it's because runners don't try. Only 7 SBs allowed. Of concern, the Cubs have committed the 4th most errors in the Major Leagues, yet still rank ahead of the Cardinals in defensive efficiency.Which kind of just sounds like a description of Javier Baez.

Here are the matchups, and if you're buying tickets to any upcoming Cubs games, please shop through our Stubhub link so we can get a little scratch.

G1

Jose Wintana 3-1 5.24 Vs. Miles Mikolas 3-0, 3.27 who spent the last 3 years in Japan.

7:15

NBC Sports Chicago

76-55 degrees

Academy Sports + Outdoors Autograph NightCurrent player Jordan Hicks will appear from 5:45 to 6:15 and sign for fans 15 years old and under. Former Cardinals Tom Lawless and Kyle McClellan will sign for fans of all ages from 6:15 to 7:00.

Wintana, 7 IP, 2 hit, 1 walk, 7 Ks vs MilwaukeeSaw STL twice last year. Went 6 and 5.2, gave up 3 each time. Cubs won both gamesFowler batting .385 and has 16 PAs against with a homer. Dejong homered too.Carpenter, Pham and Wong, 3-19 combinedLast time for Miles. 7 IP, 2 runs on 6 hits vs. Pitt. Kd 7Cubs haven’t seen him since 2012 when he was with the Padres as a reliever. Cubs surprisingly won both games, but only managed 2 hits off Mikolas.Zobrist 1-4, Heyward 0-1

G2

Tyler Chatwood 2-3, 2.83 Vs Luke Weaver 2-2, 5.17

1:15 ABC

79-55 degreesPet Treat JarPresented By Purina | 30,000 fans, ages 16 and olderFans with a special ticket will be allowed to bring their dog to a designated section of the ballpark, courtesy of Purina. Stay tuned for information regarding a pre-game full of activities to get your tail wagging.

Tyler, 2 Runs on 1 hit and 7 walks against St Louis in April. Cubs lost.Last time 2 hits, 7 IP, 3 walks, against Milwaukee. 0 runsNo Cardinal has homered of Chatwood, and Dex is 0-5, But Cards have a .408 OBP, 11 walks in 49 PA’sWe got 6 runs on 9 hits in 4 innings off him at Wrigley in April.Gave up 4 through 5.1 last time in Pitt.14 runs in his last 14 IP over 3 starts including that game against the CubsBryant, Baez and Russell have homered off of him.Cubs have a 1.205 Total OPS in 49 PA’s

G3

Jon Lester 2-1 2.73 Vs. Michael Wacha 4-1, 3.62 or Adam Wainwright 1-2, 3.45 (My guess is a pitcher whose last name starts with "W" starts this game for the dirty birds.)

ESPN

7:05

79-53 degrees

Prairie Farms Ice Cream Sundays

All Sundays, starting two hours prior to every home game, enjoy games, prizes and free Prairie Farms frozen treats, while supplies last, in the Ford Plaza. Kids Club members will receive front of the line access.

Lester gave up 1 run on 2 hits and Kd 7 against the Cards in April.Last time 2 runs on 5 hits against Colorado in the win.Carpenter is horrible against Lester with a .368 OPS in 51 PASYadi also seen him 51 times. Respectable .746 OPS with a homer.Gyorko and Pham each have 2 homers.Dejong and Ozuna each have 1.Wacha against the Sox, 2 runs on 5 hits in 5 IPCubs got 19 runs in 22 IP last year against him.Rizzo has 3 homers off him, Bryant, Happ, Contreras, Schwarber 2 homers off him. Russell 1 homerHeyward only 2-14
Waino’s last start was against the Cubs and he hurt his elbow and lasted 5. 1 run on 4 hits. Cubs lost.Rizzo, Heyward and Contreras have homered.Bryant only 3-17, but 2 doubles.

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Many Cubs fans have been calling for the head of Nolan Arenado ever since German Marquez spun KB's helmet cartoonishly around last weekend in Colorado, but the baseball gods, led by ancient baseball historian Pythagoras and some Joe Maddon voodoo doll pinning, have the Rockies limping into Chicago.

Check out this list of injuries the Rockies have suffered since Bryant was hit.

Tyler Anderson, Wednesday's starter, had heart palpitations in Miami. Either this is a result of a coked up club night in The Magic City, Joe Maddon's wine fueled voodoo doll ceremony, or Tyler's heart was completely broken by seeing KB's beautiful face being pummeled by a baseball.

Kyle Freeland, Mondays starter, has a sore left heel. This is no doubt voodoo doll related. No other plausible explanation.

DJ LeMahieu and Carlos Gonzales both have hamstring issues, though are expected to play. At least until Maddon pops open a nice Pinot Noir and starts sticking pins into their MLB licensed dolls.

To top it all off. Former Cub Chris Rusin has warts! That is some witchy ass shit right there.

Anyhow, I love how the Cubs retaliated. No warnings issued. And the result? The Rockies only scored 2 runs all weekend against the Marlins, winning their only game of the series 1-0 and getting shutout yesterday.

Colorado is 4-6 in their last 10, 5 games in back of Arizona in the NL West and despite their winning record, they have a negative 24 run differential, which baseball historian Pythagoras said should make the Rockies 12-17. The Cubs helped them to 2 of these losses a week ago winning 16-5 and 9-7, but losing the middle game 5-2.

Offensively, the Cubs top the Rockies in Batting Avg, OBP, and of course HBP's. The Rockies top the Cubs in stolen bases, walks and homers.

Pitching wise, The Cubs team ERA is a full run better. However, it's mostly the Cubs bullpen that makes it so, which is 2 runs better. So much for spending all your money on a bullpen the day after the World Series ends. Stupid Rockies. Another caveat to consider is that the Rockies home ERA is 2 runs worse than their road record and they've won more on the road than at home. But I guess that shouldn't be a surprise given their stadium is known as a hitters paradise.

Defensively, the Rockies have half the errors the Cubs do, putting Chicago in the bottom 1/3 of the majors and the Rockies in the top 3rd. If the Cubs decide to try and steal some bases, and they probably won't seeing how they are dead last in this category, but you'd have 76% chance at making it vs. only a 62% chance against Cubs catching.

It's gonna finally be warm at Wrigley, so head down to the game and buy your Stubhub tickets through this link so we can get a little paid! Doesn't cost a dime extra. Just click below and head to Wrigley!

The Cubs come back to Wrigley Field for a 7 game homestand beginning tonight against the red hot Milwaukee Brewers who have won 8 straight games. The Brewers have won so much recently that Kato Kaelin has nothing to bitch about! But it's really not that big of a deal as they've won the games against bad to mediocre teams like the Reds, Marlins, and Royals. The Cubs were of course swept by the Reds, albeit only a 1 game sweeping in Cincinnati, and split the opening series of the year in Miami. So while the Brewers are making hay against lesser opponents, the Cubs have not been and find themselves 3 games behind the 16-9 Brew Crew. The Cubs are 5-5 in their last 10 games.

But don't abandon hope! The Cubs won 3 of 4 in Milwaukee earlier this month, shutting out the Brewers in 2 of the games, outscoring them 20-7. The Cubs are a better hitting team. The Brewers have been a better pitching team so far. And the Brewers defense is shoddy as they lead the major leagues in errors. Here's some day old stats to illustrate.

Offense

Cubs hit 16 points higher than the Brewers. 3rd in MLB.

Cubs OBP of .350 is 29 points higher than the Brewers and are 2nd in Majors behind the A’s

Brewers have hit 6 more homers than the Cubs, 5th in majors

Both teams middle of the road in taking walks

The Brewers K more than the Cubs. 7th most in the majors. Cubs 22nd most.

The Brewers are 5th in SB’s. Cubs now last. Only 4.

Cubs have scored 21 more runs than the Brewers in 4 fewer games.

Pitching

3.32 Brewers to 4.04 Cubs Team ERA

Cubs starters climbing out of the basement with the 7th worst ERA in the majors

Brewers starters middle of the road with a 3.90 ERA

Brewers 2.56 Reliever ERA is 3rd best in the majors. Cubs have fallen to 6th with a 2.76

Middle of the road in giving up the long ball. Cubs are the 5th best team at keeping the ball in the park.

Of course it won't hurt the Cubs a bit that they just lost slugger Eric Thames to a thumb injury for 6-8 weeks and we all saw Corey Knebel go down hard with a hamstring strain the last time these teams met. Here are the pitching matchups.

G1

Chase Andersuck 2-1 3.25 Vs. Kyle Hendricks 1-1, 4.09

7:05

Might rain late. Game in the 40s

Earlier this month, we got 2 runs off of 4 hits off of Andersuck. Walked 2. Kd 2 and Zobrist homered.

Contreras had a double and a triple and was also HBP

Gave up 3 runs on 5 hits against Miami last time out

Bryant has 3 homers. Rizzo 1-12

Kyle gave up 4 runs on 9 hits in Milwaukee only lasted 5.

Gave up 3 runs on 5 hits last time vs. Colorado. Only lasted 5 but Kd 6.

Thames and Shaw homered off him and pretty much everyone else in the Brewers lineup got a hit.

G2

Lefty Brennnnt Suter 1-2 5.68 Vs Yu Darvish 0-2, 6.86

1:20 Cubs fleece blanket

NBC Sports

Cloudy, high 53. More possible rain.

Cubs got 5 runs on 8 hits. Chased him after 5. He walked 3.

Last time also gave up 5 runs against Miami.

Contreras, Almora and Russell all get hits half the time they face him.

Rizzo 0-11.

Yu gave up 5 runs on 4.2 innings. Walked 4 last time out vs. Colorado.

April 7th vs Brewers, he went 6 and struck out 9. 1 run on 2 hits. Thames homered

Yellich has homered off him too and Sogard is batting 313 and has seen him the most.

Villar and Cain have 1 hit and walk between them in 21 PA’s

G3

Junior Guerra 2-0, 0.56 Vs. Jose Quintana 2-1, 7.78

1:20 Dancing Bullpen Beverage tumbler

WGN

Sunny 45

Faced Junior in 5.2 innings last year. Only got a Kyle Schwarber homer off him last september.

Gave up 1 run on 5 hits against Miami last time out

Rizzo, Heyward, Russell, Baez and Almora at 0-23 collectively.

Jose 0 runs on 3 hits vs Milwaukee on 4/8, 2 walks, 6 ks 6 IP

Last time against Colorado. Gave up 4 runs on 8 hits. But 2 runs were the suns fault. Kd 7 through 5.1 IP

No Brewer has homered off of Jose. Cain has seen him the most. Batting .288.

Most Brewers numbers suck against him. Team batting only .207, .243 OBP.

I haven't been to Cleveland since the best thing ever happened in Cleveland. I saw the world's formerly smallest book at the library!

Oh wait...that wasn't the best thing...it was The Cubs winning the World Series, but the formerly smallest book was a close second for sure.

So, how are the Indians looking this year? Well, they are in first place in the AL Central at 12-8 after winning 3 of 4 in Baltimore this last weekend and splitting a series with the Twins down in Puerto Rico. And they are winning despite not scoring runs and being in the lower rungs of most offensive categories.