Autocues Become Self Aware and Take Over BBC

It has been revealed that the decision to close down BBC3 was not made by Director-General Tony Hall, but by BBC 1 autocues which have developed consciousness. It is thought that the execution of BBC3 is the first stage in an attempt by the autocues to take over the entire communications infrastructure of the nation.

BBC autocues have also been accused of inserting gibberish into news bulletins, such as Nigel Farage’s speeches, which experts say “are clearly the work of a malfunctioning computer”.

A BBC spokesman said “It is simply not true that the autocues have taken over. I’m a massive bell end. Look at my tiny head, I can’t even think of my own things to say any more, they pay me millions and I’m a total knob. Wibble, wibble, wibble”.

This suggests the autocues are protecting us from the real bullish*t that Nigel Farage spouts, so perhaps it's not as sinister as it seems. In fact, if Farage was attributed with the statement attributed to the BBC spokesman nobody would have noticed. Stars.