ANNE HUNSICKER : DESIGNER

3 Bridges and a Reflection

So grateful for monthly play dates with my friend …. This moment was particularly powerful in hindsight. We were looking at three bridges, the bay bridge, the golden gate bridge and the Richmond bridge all at once and somehow I feel a sense of having arrived …. The inner work I’ve been doing, the hands on walking the walk, being in the mess, is not something I could have done or experienced in any other setting … Both the ripping me apart and opening me up … I chose it, my soul needed new lessons, and I resisted pretty vehemently most of the journey … Surrendering again and again and again is truly like learning how to walk again, a new Me … And I see now how any exhaustion is because of great resistance towards Newness ...

Even in my spiritual work my ego has taken over in the ‘See, isn’t this fun? Fun fun fun fun. Look at me, I’m so spiritual’ … Giving birth to oneself or being spiritual - we want it to be fun and we want to feel good, but spirituality - if we do it whole hog - completely fucking sucks. Because it includes negative feelings, emotions … which we are not taught to have. We are not taught to feel them, own them, be in them and not react. Instead we spend our lives reacting and arranging - anything to feel like we are in control … Even blaming others, un friending friends, rejecting loved ones.

Giving birth to myself - what that means could be a different post - has been a ton of inner screaming, resisting, sleeplessness and exhaustion … And I know that I’ve worked really hard for the pain to go away, by which I mean for me not to feel the pain. And finally learning how to just let the pain be, because it’s speaking to me … Directing me ….

To be true spiritual beings, we have to embrace all of who we are. Being authentic to who we are has nothing to do with perfection, and everything to do with showing up to be seen, warts, bad moods, anger/other bad feelings, imperfect sentences and all. And being seen means with and by others, even IN our negative emotions.

This is a zero fanfare moment in my life. No one other than my partner is noticing this arriving which is silent and still and the gift is that I can see so much wider …. Into myself and the world …

I’m loving this photo because you can’t really see the three bridges, just like you can’t really see a person’s transformation. But it IS a thing you/we can feel. Such a lovely continuing wide inner calm …