Friday, August 22, 2014

Crud

I feel like crud tonight. This afternoon has royally sucked. ROYALLY. I'm trying hard to see the good in it so I'm not sure I should even talk about the bad. But there really were good things along with the crap.

So, where do I start? I guess I'll start in the beginning of the day. I didn't get that much sleep the night before, but I woke up feeling pretty ok. I had taken my allergy and sinus med earlier when I got up with oldest, so I must've slept a bit deeper with fresh meds. So, I decided today would be a good day to go and run a few errands. Which is sorta nuts because it's Friday. And in this area, traffic is nutso on a Friday making piss poor drivers even worse! LOL But me and youngest went on. I'm glad we did. I went to the fabric store first and ended up scoring some great and expensive fabric for only $6! I couldn't believe it. I had been thinking of recovering my bar chairs because they currently have black fabric and with kids, it makes it impossible to keep it clean. Black hides a lot, but being fabric, they have to be scrubbed and scrubbed and scrubbed to stay clean. So, I had thought that going to a slick fabric like a good vinyl or something would solve that issue. The only problem is, many of the fabric stores I had looked at for vinyl or similar were SO HIGH. $25 and up. Unreal. So, I kept passing. But I went today and got some and I love it so much! I have no idea exactly what the style is, but it's a very pale greenish tan. I wasn't sure I would like it because it's a style and not plain black, but I really do like it. And I think it will go with our new tile and fresher look. We went to a couple of other places after that and I was able to get magnetic paint and chalkboard paint. I was originally going to leave the side of the pantry that faces the foyer blank and just plain white. But after much thought, I think that having the magnetic chalkboard there will be good. I'll have some where to post the kids things and somewhere for youngest to play with his magnets. Yes, I know it's in the front of the kitchen, but at the same time, I won't be getting scratches on my fridge! And if I end up hating it later, I can always paint back over it.

So, the first part of the day was really good. But then I came home and after doing a few things, decided to take a break and get online. And the rest of the evening went down from there. And the truth is, I am so angry and so hurt that I can't even put all of it into words. And it isn't just one thing. It's several things. All of it just... dumb. No other words. Dumb, childish, selfish, inconsiderate.... all of that and more.

In the end, I spent some time crying and then decided that crying wasn't going to accomplish a thing. So, I decided to get to work and work off my frustration. I re-potted my kitchen rope plant. I started a load of laundry. I made the kiddos dinner. And then I worked on the kitchen some. I finished sanding the kitchen sink base and cleaned that up. I cleaned all of the cabinets to remove all of the dust/debris. Then I touched up a couple of spots with the spackle. I decided to go ahead and get a good first coat of paint and did all of that, then sanded the spackle and painted those areas, too. Since I had paint left over, I went downstairs and second coated the bases so those are done other than installation and their doors. I'm pretty happy with the results so far!

So, you see, even with a shitty afternoon, I choose to see that this morning was good and this evening was good. Even if my eyes feel like sand and my heart feels like lead. I can't really do anything about the bad, but I can choose to find good.

I guess I don't have much else to talk about. It's getting late and the dogs are barking so I should let them in.

3 comments:

Awww, you cried about that? :( I just re read that entire exchange, because for some reason I kept thinking about it last night, because I couldn't fall asleep. I know you've been having a lot of internet run ins lately, and I think it's because you just... keep... going. You write well, and explain your feelings and opinions clearly, but I think that sort of energy is totally wasted in internet land. ESPECIALLY because nobody can actually hear the tone of your voice or gauge feelings by facial expressions. Not trying to offend, but it was pretty clear that Jayden was getting frazzled, and I think you easily could have dropped it instead of continuing on. I know it was your post on your page, but it's just too easy to misunderstand things online.And the whole conversation was not translating on either end. After her last post it really seemed like you were completely discrediting her, and not paying attention to what she was writing at all. You wrote "we'll have to agree to disagree" but then the tone of the rest of your post really felt like "but you're still totally wrong."She was writing about hard working friends of hers asking for extra help, and you were writing about lazy, young, entitled brats not wanting to work to earn something. Pretty much different things. Now I don't know how much you've chatted with her on Facebook, so I assume the two of you just don't know each other all that well apart from the blogging we did years ago.You and I have written back and forth enough times that it's easy for me to realize that every opinion you have doesn't necessarily apply to me personally, and therefore there's no need to get any panties in a wad. I think in the case of friendly acquaintances or strangers your writing style can easily be taken the wrong way. I also feel like a few communication tricks could maybe prevent future pantie wadding. Like, maybe if you took a couple of points from the opposing person's thread and put them in a positive light? Does that even make sense? Just so the person feels like you heard and understood what they are blathering about... kinda like I am doing right now? ... well in this case perhaps it would be alright, but I still feel that other people are just trying to beg money off of strangers... I dunno.Hope this doesn't upset you. I kept thinking about this for some reason, because it hurt your feelings so much, and I didn't really know what to even make of it when it happened.If I offended you in any way I apologize for being an asshat.

No, I really do see what you're saying and I really appreciate you taking the time to try to explain it to me. And you are probably really right -- I sometimes get so wrapped up in what I am writing that I circle around what we are talking about and don't always get back to the point I was trying to touch on in their comments. The only thing I'm borderline on is the dropping it. I feel like if I was on another person's page, and I disagreed, I would agree to disagree and drop it. But since it was on my page, I am at leisure to continue to discuss it. Does that make sense?

I don't think it was just her that hurt my feelings. It's the compound effect of several different things lately. I've not had many online run-ins, but run-ins in real life plus this just hit me. You know, another crappy friend, family illness and death and then the drama of that, and just a ton of things going on. I don't deal with stress well. I let it all pile up and it all flooded out at once. I know a lot of it is we don't have down time to deal with things. No sitter, no fam, and just other things means we don't get couple time, we don't get individual time, and well... we end up just sitting in the stress and wading hoping we don't drown when the dam breaks.

Yeah, I sense that you aren't getting ample "you" time. The no sitter, no family, and what seems like no real support group is a serious bummer and a half. The stress level is definitely apparent in your posts. :( I think the online run-ins are just one more manifestation of your tension level. I also think you need real people in your life RIGHT NOW who love and support you. And also LISTEN to what you have to say.

About Me

I'm a 36yr. young SAHM who loves lots of things and always tries to 'do it myself'. I like to get out and have fun with family and friends; and sometimes just BE. Right now, my focus is all over the place since our big move. So... this is more like an online journal than a traditional blog.