As a way of avoiding pregnancy, more and more teens are choosing to have anal sex now than ever before. It is more common than you may think — or care to know. I understand it can be difficult to think about, but it’s important for us parents to empower ourselves with updated knowledge about our teen’s world.

In the book Vagina by Naomi Wolf, Wolf writes about how gynecologists report an increase in girls coming to their offices with fissure tears in their anuses from having anal sex. The tears—which are dangerous and susceptible to infection — are happening because no one is teaching people how to have this type of intercourse properly, safely, or pleasurably.

Despite whether we agree with the act of anal sex or not, it is happening. If you don’t already know the details of it, I believe it is important to learn. The article “Anal Foreplay – The Forgotten Prelude to Anal Sex,” by Jaiya Ma, is the perfect place to start.Ma, a sexologist, shares knowledge and tips about how to take part in this behavior in a safe and pleasurable manner. She encourages people to take their time and utilize resources to make the experience a positive one for everyone involved.

As a parent, it’s important for us to understand our teen’s world. Let’s begin with these:

1.) Read this article, familiarize yourself with it and work through any discomfort surrounding this issue or embrace the opposite. If it lights you up, own it. Allow both to occur. Find out what those emotions are and come to terms with them before approaching the topic with your teen.

2.) Talk to your teen. Let them know that may encounter (or desire) the suggestion (or make the suggestion) to have anal sex somewhere along the way. Reinforce that she/he has the choice to do whatever they are comfortable with — reinforce the crucial importance of consent. Explain the things about it that can be dangerous and unhealthy, and let them know that there are healthy ways to engage in the act if she/he/they chooses to. If you have a daughter, remind her that it is her responsibility to inform her partner because it is her body, and her health, safety, and pleasure are of paramount importance.

3.) Give my teen the article to read. Or, if they can bear it, go over the article with them.

There is no doubt any conversation surrounding sex with your child is difficult, but it is so very important to have these talks and to make sure they have the facts. As a parent, you can obviously address this issue however you want. But I encourage you to discuss it.

As a counselor, this is part of what I do. I address the uncomfortable areas of parenting and sexuality and try to make it a natural topic of discussion — after all, sexuality is a natural part of life. Our role as parents plays an important part in how our children claim their true sexual expression in life.

You went through the whole nine (really 10) months of pregnancy and were excited, scared, anxious, elated about the new little human entering your life. Now the baby is here and you are consumed with sleepless nights, overwhelming days, and a profound loss of who you once were.

Having a child is a major life change—we all know this—but what can be shocking is that feeling that you don’t recognize yourself. You don’t know who you are anymore. It is important that you reconnect with your old self, embrace your new normal, and not lose sight of what is meaningful to you. Yes, of course, that new bundle of joy is your world and he/she is at the top of the list all day every day but you also need to care for yourself. By failing to take time for you—even if it is a short coffee outing with a friend or a solo trip to the gym—you are hurting yourself. If you don’t take care of you, it is a lot harder to take care of the others in your life.

It is common for moms to feel like that is all they are— “I am a mom, but what
else?” It is the new mom identity crisis and it can be rough. So what can you do to reconnect with yourself after pregnancy?

Reconnecting with YOU

1.) Connect with friends in new ways—Instead of late nights at bars or concerts,
meet your friends for book clubs, coffee dates, or playdates at the park. You need
to continue to have adult conversations and adult time, and support from others
who understand your challenges.

2.) Embrace a hobby—Maybe it is going for a run, hiking, knitting, painting, or writing…whatever it is that makes you feel alive and gives you a sense of accomplishment make time for it. It can be daunting to think about adding another thing to your list, but this stuff is important for you, your happiness, and the happiness of your family.

3.) Don’t compare— You are your own person. It does you no good to compare yourself to others. The mom guilt is there, we all have it but it is not necessary. You need to care for yourself, and you should not feel guilty that you are doing something for you rather than staring at your sleeping child for hours on end. It just hurts your soul.

4.) Ask for help — Don’t be afraid to ask a grandparent or a friend, or hire a part-time babysitter so you aren’t doing it all, all the time. If you are feeling like you could really use an hour away then take it. Losing your cool and your sanity isn’t going to be helpful for you or baby.

5.) Take care of you—Find time for that shower, or to get that haircut. Take naps when you are tired. Forget about the laundry, it will get done eventually. Take a deep breath. You will get through.

If you are struggling with feelings of being overwhelmed, depressed, sad, alone, or you just feel like you could use someone to talk to seek out a qualified counselor. And, know you will find yourself again.