Finding My Fit

Real talk. I have been struggling with my weight since 2013, after being diagnosed with hypothyroidism and polycystic ovarian syndrome. Then at 5’4″, 135 pounds, I was self-conscious of my thick thighs and how jeans never seemed to fit around my butt just right. Arguably, I was just as self-conscious about my body then as I am with my 207 pound body now – which is crazy to think about.

Since late 2015 (where the scale crept up to around 180 – 190 pounds) I have been trying to lose the weight. I tried doing a “yogic” diet, eating various nuts and seeds in small portions. I did yoga almost every day. But after about a month, I fell off the wagon again. Everything felt so restrictive – it just wasn’t sustainable.

In early 2016, I enrolled in some group fitness training, twice a week. Being a student at the time, I got a pretty good discount, and I made a lot of progress. Unfortunately, little difference was seen on the scale, due to immense stress and poor eating habits. Once classes ended, I was lost again.

Mid 2016, I tried going to the gym without a real plan set in place. This, obviously, did not work well. Come fall of 2016, I decided to pursue The Hero’s Journey, equipped with five pound ankle weights. I did this consistently for almost the entire 60 days – even following the nutrition suggestions on the website. The scale did not budge, and instead, I felt entirely burnt out. I ended up getting physically ill – a nasty, stubborn bronchitis set in, that I ended up needing to take a medicated inhaler for. After seeing no results, and feeling awful, I stopped (very close to finishing) the Hero’s Journey.

I tried going to the gym again, and ended up injuring myself. I got a very bad cervical strain, which then triggered an ocular migraine… I was a mess.

At the end of 2016, I asked for the help of a personal trainer. Specifically, the same trainer that lead the group fitness classes I enjoyed. I started in December, and was doing alright, when I got into a car accident that completely tweaked my back. I was unable to tackle my workouts.

When I was back up and running in February of 2017, I signed up for a 30 day challenge with the same personal trainer. I did AMAZING and saw results on the scale, in photos, and in my clothes. I was kicking butt, and even won the challenge! I continued training after, and then in March I needed wisdom teeth surgery…which set me back. I lost my momentum, and never quite found my way back.

Since then I’ve been trying to find my way.

This past spring I tried an app called Everybody With Iskra. In all honesty, it was great – I loved everything about the program, as the mindset around it was not about results, but moreso about trying different (healthy) things and finding what worked for you. It was a no-pressure environment, with incredible amounts of support. Unfortunately, it was discontinued, leaving myself (and many others) left to fend for ourselves again.

What I realized through that program (and reading Energy Medicine), was that with every other program, I was beating myself up. I was treating my body like a machine – not the very vessel that allows me to experience life. I hated my thighs and cursed at my flabby arms. But those thighs carry me through the day. Those arms let me embrace who I love. I realized how important loving yourself is. And I know “love yourself” is plastered on all sorts of inspirational quote things, and we all know it’s so much easier said than done.

Part of my journey here is finding a way to be healthy, while maintaining a loving mindset. My body poses some challenges and advantages in comparison to other people, and comparing myself to others holds no benefit except making me feel bad about not having six pack abs. Ultimately, I’ve learned that a healthy body has to come from a healthy place. And I am tying to find that healthy place for me, in hopes of benefitting others.

Currently, my journey includes using an app called Tone It Up. I signed up for the “studio” subscription, so I have access to the classes whenever I like (also I just enjoy pretending I’m some super badass punching bad guys with kickboxing). So far it’s been going pretty good, and I am trying to base my nutrition closer to the “30 Day Challenge” I completed with the personal trainer back in February 2017. I like the ability to work out from home, as it eliminates excuses for not doing it (I’m not the biggest fan of my gym).

But! I want to know what you think! Have you found a holistic program, that’s not about toxic mindsets and carb-cycling? Have you found something that works for you? Or are you in the same boat? Let me know in the comments!