Summary: It's the twelve days after
Christmas on Voyager, counted in an arbitrary fashion by me from Christmas
Day forward. But don't be fooled by the title. This story traces the ups
and downs and sideways turns of Tom and Harry's relationship as Tom recovers
from the alien bacteria that caused him to spend most of Christmas Eve
in sickbay. Please heed the warning below.

Series: This is the fourth in a Holiday
Series, Harry's Halloween Dance Date was first, Harry's Stuffed Tom was
second, Harry's Holiday Angel was third. I believe there's enough background
for this story to stand alone, but reading the earlier stories would help.
Both Harry's Halloween Dance Date and Harry's Thanksgiving Tom, R rated
versions, are available on my web site (yes, the second story in the series
has two different titles depending upon the version, R or NC-17; I haven't
figured out an R version for the third story in the series).

Disclaimer: The Ensign and the Lieutenant
(sigh), and everything, belong to Paramount. The story is mine. Thanks
go to Britta for her advice when I was stuck, to Amirin for her questions,
and to Briony for her encouragement. Since most of this was written before
the episode "Thirty Days", Tom is still a lieutenant. Copyright 1998.

Warning: Explicit male-male sex,
some BDSM, some kinky stuff, language. Lots of angst. If male-male relationships
and sex and discipline bother you, if the thought of Harry spanking Tom
bothers you, please read elsewhere. If Tom or Harry or both making relationship
mistakes bothers you, then this may not be for you. If you can get past
all that, there's a story here. If you are under 18, don't even think about
reading it.

Archive/List: ASCEM, BLTS, R'Rain's,
Allslash. Others please ask.

12/10/98

****

Tom's 12 Dark Days of Christmas

by Judy

Remembering Day 1: December 25

I have to say, it felt good to be
alive. All that upset over the medical procedures that I had to go through
so that I wouldn't die, I found out I could take it. That didn't mean I
had to like it, but I learned some stuff about myself. Shit, I hate learning
about myself, usually it's such bad news. But I found out this: I'd do
almost anything for Harry. Gods, I love that man. You know what he said
to me? We were there in my bed, post great lovemaking. He'd taken off of
me that silk robe I'd worn special just to make him think I was an angel.
And it'd worked. The look on his face. It was great. He'd pulled me into
his arms, one hand moving down my back to my ass that still flamed from
the hairbrush he'd so lovingly applied to my rear. And he'd whispered to
me, "Tommy, my red assed angel."

I had just about melted into his
arms. I'd snuffled my face against his shoulder and he'd patted me on the
back of my head, kissing me with passion. If I could stay this way forever,
in his arms, his cock so recently inside me, my ass on fire, I'd think
I'd really died and gone to heaven. Tears even came to my eyes.

I have to say it shook me up a lot
to realize that I wouldn't die unloved. Never thought it'd happen. But
there it was. Harry loved me. I wondered how I could pay him back for all
he'd done for me. Harry wiped my face and kissed me on the nose and told
me to go to sleep. Snuggled next to him, I let myself drift off on this,
my first happy Christmas in decades.

****

Day 2 December 26

In the morning, I woke up to Harry's
hand heavy on my butt, with the sensation that his head was nearing my
own. Sleepily, I opened my eyes. He was Starfleet dressed and ready to
go to work. As he bent down, more of his weight rested on my ass and I
thought of how much more I wanted from him on that same ass. "Hmm, Harry?"

"I'm on my way to work, you have
just a slight fever. So go back to sleep. I'll check on you later."

I saw a dermal regenerator in his
free hand.

"No," I told him. I wanted to feel
again the emotional high I'd felt last night. His hand on my ass reminded
me of those feelings.

"No what?"

I rummaged around and found the hairbrush
and held it out to him.

"Tom," his tone said 'what the hell
am I going to do with you?' but instead of those words he invoked the security
chief's name. "You heard what Tuvok said. And you're not recovered from
that alien infection."

"I feel fine," I grumped. Although
he was saying no, I thought I heard a possibility there. I gave him my
best wheedling voice, "Just a few?"

"Tom. . . "

"Look, I'm not going out of this
cabin today. Hell, I won't even be back to work tomorrow. It'll be okay,
Harry." I think he was weakening. Time for another wheedle. "I want to
be able to remember last night all day . . . just a reminder?"

He still looked against the idea,
so I added, "For your angel?"

His dark eyes were very expressive.
At first they said no, then maybe, then there was a light in his eyes.
Yes. He put down the regenerator and took the hairbrush offering from my
hand. With a smile, he said, "I'm beginning to think you've gotten addicted
to this."

I grinned up at him, pleased that
he'd given in. Then I closed my eyes as his warm hand left my butt. The
back of the hairbrush replaced the hand, first as a soft caress, then it
left momentarily and returned with a crack. I cried out at the fire that
shot through me. The next blow landed on top of a place that still burned
some from last night and I jumped. Harry's fingers massaged my shoulder.
I cried out again as the brush came down once more, setting my ass totally
on fire. The pleasure that hid inside the pain emerged so quickly this
time, my morning erection throbbed, overjoyed at this turn of events. I
put my hand under my hips and let my fingers snuggle around my cock. Three
more cracks of the brush and I was so turned on I was close to coming.

Harry bent down and flipped me over
onto my back, flaming ass or no. He batted away my hand and through half
closed eyes I saw him kneel down on the bed. I felt his mouth, hot and
wet, close around my throbbing cock. His suction almost pulled me off the
bed and when he released the pressure I surged up into that hungry mouth
of his. He sucked hard and with a full throated scream, I spurted into
him. When I opened my eyes I could see my cum dribbling from his mouth
as his tongue worked around licking his face, bringing the cum inside.
Then he licked me until I was polished smooth.

When he kissed me, I smiled at him,
as if we shared a secret. Maybe we did. He pulled a blanket over me and
grinned, "You are one sick puppy, Paris. Think you can go back to sleep
now?"

"What about you? You just going to
spank and run?" I figured I had gotten all the pleasure this morning.

"There's always lunch, baby," he
chuckled.

Now there was a thought to sleep
on.

Damn, if I didn't need the rest.
And it wasn't just from the early morning activity. After all, I'd done
nothing but lay there as he gave me all that pleasure. No, I was just really
tired. Maybe it was from the low grade fever Harry mentioned. Later that
morning, I found out that just taking a shower wore me down and I spent
a few hours napping on the couch to recover. That's where he found me at
lunch.

I heard him enter and I could tell
he was trying to be quiet, but I said, "Hey, I'm awake."

After I struggled to sit up, I realized
I had nothing on under the blanket that was half on, half off of me. The
damp towel was still on the floor where I'd dropped it. I ran a hand over
my face, trying to wipe out the sleep and smooth down my hair. Harry looked
at me as if I were his lunch entree. He told me, "You look so . . . inviting
like that, Tom."

After I realized that only my upper
back and knees were covered by the blanket, I blushed, but, truth? I loved
the glint in his eyes.

"Hmm," I said, then gave him a big
grin. "You had me for breakfast. Is it time for lunch?"

"Wise ass." Harry placed his palm
against my forehead and must have thought I was okay. He bent down and
kissed me on the lips and didn't even pull away from what I assumed, on
my part, had to be a vile case of morning breath. "Feeling better?"

"Uh, yeah, but let me . . . " I just
kind of bolted up and headed for the bathroom. Closing the door behind
me, I hurriedly washed up and brushed my teeth. The face in the mirror
looked a sickly pale. I'd shaved earlier in the shower, but my hair was
all askew from sleeping on it wet. In the midst of this self-reflection,
Harry opened the door and came in. For a moment he just stood in the doorway,
watching me. "Harry?"

He shook his head. "You don't need
to close the door, Tom."

A little startled, I wondered where
that had come from. "Well, I was about to pee here."

"Go ahead."

"You want to watch?"

He smiled a little enigmatically.
I shrugged and held my dick to follow through on my stated intention. Then
he did something strange. Harry moved quietly behind me and reached his
arms around my waist. He placed his hands on top of mine and together we
held my penis in place. It felt strange and sort of exciting at the same
time. His clothed body pressed against my naked back from my shoulder blades
to my feet. He whispered, "Let me hold it."

I wasn't sure I was going to be able
to keep peeing when he said that but I felt my hands being pushed away
and I let them drop to my side. Somehow I kept the stream going and when
I was finished he shook my dick just as I would have and then he held me
tight from behind in his embrace.

I shivered a little at the cool air
in the bathroom and at the unexpected jolt of excitement I felt in my groin.
Harry's hands roamed up and down my chest as he continued to press against
me from behind. I wondered where we were going from here. He turned me
a little toward the sink and stepped back, those warm hands and that warm
body now apart from my colder one. Reaching around me he turned on the
water and washed his hands. I looked at him, then washed up, too. He flushed
the toilet and flipped the seat down. After I finished, he placed a hand
on my shoulder and exerted a little forward pressure. "Lean over. Put your
hands on the seat. I want to see if you're all right."

I wondered if I should say something.
This was getting curious. As if he knew what I was thinking, he added,
"Hey, it's okay. But I hit you pretty hard last night and then, you may
remember, you asked for more this morning. And last night I had you stretched
out kinda far."

"Okay." Whatever. Guess I couldn't
call his behavior strange when I'd practically begged him to spank me just
a few hours earlier.

So I did as he'd asked. My palms
flat against the seat meant my ass was sticking up like a woodchuck out
of a burrow. A very pink woodchuck. I felt Harry's cooler, moist hands
run across my butt, pressing a little here and there and I know I winced
a bit when he hit some bruising. Then he parted my cheeks and I felt him
staring at my asshole. A wet finger poked a little around there and moved
inside. With one hand remaining on my butt, he used his other hand to get
something out of the bathroom cabinet. "Stay put, sweetheart. I want to
put some gel on. You look a little red and sore."

His head came down toward me and
his lips kissed mine. "I'm the one in charge of taking care of you. Right?"

"Hey, my ass is yours," I joked to
lighten the moment.

"You got that right," he said right
back at me. His tone was light, but I could hear something else that made
me shiver. Before I could figure it out, he told me, "Spread your legs
out."

He smoothed a gel he'd been warming
in his hands on my ass and inside my opening. I groaned at how good it
felt. If he wasn't careful, I was going to develop a serious hard on. In
fact, this bending over like I was doing did interesting things to my head.
Somehow, I felt as if I was submitting more than my ass for his inspection,
it was as if I was submitting my whole self, my allegiance, my future.
I liked it. I liked it a lot. "Mm-m. Harry?"

I was wiggling around his fingers
inside my ass. His other hand gripped the back of my head. "Be still, Tom."

I just groaned more as my cock announced
that it wanted a life of its own. Sheesh, this was incredible. I tried
to be very still and concentrated on what his fingers were doing inside
me. He kept stroking me in this firm kind of rhythm and he kept my head
down with his hand. If there was any soreness there, I didn't notice it.
"Here. Move your legs apart some more. There you go, baby."

After I did as he told me, I stayed
as still as I could. My hands bore the brunt of my weight, my legs were
separated to give him maximum access and my cock felt so hard I wondered
if it would last much longer. He removed his fingers and I moaned with
loss and wondered what would happen next. The hand on my head left, then
returned to another part of my body, palm flat against my abdomen ignoring
my waving manhood. The fingers returned and worked more of the gel inside
me. Then the fingers left again and I heard the sound of moving fabric.
I felt the head of Harry's cock against my opening. He pushed gently, entering
me a little at a time.

It felt as if the blood that had
rushed to my bent head had pooled there and caused me to overheat. Oh,
Gods, another kind of burning occurred in my ass but lasted only a moment.
Then I felt the fullness that was Harry inside of me. I braced my hands
more strongly against the seat, holding my head up as much as I could.
He moved inside me, filling me, heating me, his groin against parts of
my ass that still felt an after-tingle from the hairbrush. Now he added
the heat and pressure of his body against mine. I don't know what he did
with his uniform and I didn't really think about it. It was just his skin
against my skin.

"Oh, you're so smooth, Tom. So beautiful."
I must have moved without meaning to. His palm pressed hard against my
abdomen. "Don't move, Tommy. Let me do all the work here."

I stilled the almost reflex motion
that had me moving back up against him, trying to move more of him inside
me, trying to control the speed, depth, and strength of his penetration.
But this was his show. So I made myself as motionless as possible, hands
determinedly trying to meld with the toilet seat. I marveled at the way
I was turned over his arm with its hand so firm against my abdomen. His
other hand slid further along my chest, one slick finger stroking a nipple
to almost painful hardness. Behind me, there was his cock impaling my ass
like a baton that directed any motions he allowed my ass to make.

Bent over, as still as I could make
myself, Harry moved inside me ever so gently. I thought my whole body would
become a flame lit by his wick. His movements were so slow as he filled
me with that full, heated flesh. Soon I was gasping, trying to remember
to breathe. Dimly, I heard ragged breathing, his soft words, "Oh, gods,
Tommy, I love being buried inside you. This is so good, angel, so hot."

He pulled my chest up, forcing my
ass down onto his cock. He thrust up inside me, pulled me down harder on
him and began a rhythm I longed to join. But when I tried, he stopped moving
altogether, just held me in place for agonizing moments as his heat seared
me inside and his body heat warmed my back. Eventually, he lowered me onto
his cock as far as he could fill me. He turned us around so his back was
to the john, then began to drop down onto the seat pulling me along with
him. I bounced down on to his lap, his cock surging up so deeply inside
me that I gasped out loud. His hands went to my hips and lifted me up and
then down so I once again landed hard on his lap. Oh, gods, I thought I'd
die from the heat inside me. I couldn't catch my breath and my heart felt
as if it was beating as erratically as Harry's thrusts up my ass.

Neither he nor I had touched my own
cock even though it bobbed hot and red in front of me. It needed to be
touched so badly that I found my hand moving towards it until Harry gave
my hand a stinging slap. Then he placed his hands to sandwich my chest
front and back between them and pushed me forward towards my knees. At
this angle, the penetration inside me was so total I could feel every surface
of his cock. With each breath that Harry exhaled, I could feel him brush
against my prostate from the swelling of his cock. Each brush was an incredible
jolt inside me. I began to moan nonstop. Harry's upthrusts came faster
and harder until I felt him still, then begin to pulse and shoot his hot
cum into me as I cried out and he shouted, "Oh, angel, angel!"

Then he put both slick hands on my
cock and stroked upward once, then twice, and I spurted all over my chest.
I slumped back against him, worn out and warmly convinced that I was as
loved as any man could be. Even as his cock softened, he remained inside.
Harry continued to hold me in place on his lap. I leaned my head back enough
to find and kiss his lips.

He kissed me back, his lips soft
and moist. Then he began to push me to my feet. I had to grab onto the
sink to keep myself from falling. My legs quivered as if the ship was shaking
apart around me. I closed my eyes in both exhaustion and happiness. As
I stood there on shaky legs, Harry wet a cloth and, after cleaning himself
off, came around my side to clean my chest. It felt so different without
the chest hair that would normally slow down the progress of the wash cloth.
Eyes still closed, I felt his breath on my ear.

"Bend down a little, Tommy."

I managed to do it without totally
collapsing into the sink. He wiped my ass with the cloth and paused a moment,
then I felt him spread my cheeks and the cloth was drawn up from my balls
to the small of my back. I shivered a little and felt him turn me around
so we were chest to chest. I just rested my head on his shoulder and let
him prod me into moving. I sighed, opened my eyes, and realized we were
still in the bathroom. It smelled of sex and so did I, but a shower was
beyond my endurance just now.

His voice husky, Harry murmured,
"Let's get you into bed."

There was no argument from me. Somehow
I knew I would be alone in the bed. After all, Harry had to go back to
work. That was okay 'cause I wouldn't have been very good company. In the
aftermath of the alien infection, my body temperature remained warmer than
normal and I required a great deal of sleep. I thought vaguely that I should
check my temperature, see if I was still running that slight fever, but
I was desperately tired. I remember wanting to smile but I'm not sure if
I did. I was just so sleepy. I vowed to do something nice for him when
he came back after his shift. The last thing I remember was his pulling
up a blanket over me, a palm against my face, and a light kiss on my cheek.

***

I felt as if I was being pulled out
of a deep sleep by someone calling my name. It was strange 'cause the voice
didn't sound like Harry. I couldn't coax myself up from the bed, the mattress
warm against my stomach and chest and the pillow soft under the side of
my head.

"Lieutenant?"

"Huh?"

My eyes stayed closed, the darkness
still protected me in its deep pit, but the voice tugged me awake until
I reluctantly had to open my eyes. He must have called my name three times
before I reached the point that I could move my eyelids. When I opened
my eyes, turned my head to the side, the first thing I saw was a tricorder
in a large hand. I let my eyes travel up and was stunned to find Chakotay
standing by my bed. A shot of adrenalin kicked my heart into something
like shock. My first thought was that something had happened to Harry and
that got me fully awake. I rolled over onto my back, sat up, realized I
had nothing on, and pulled the blanket up to cover me. "Harry? Is Harry
. . . "

"He's fine. He was worried about
you when you didn't answer the comm. He's stuck diagnosing a malfunctioning
communications board. The captain sent me to check in on you. Harry wanted
to be the one to be here, but the captain knew he could diagnose a board
a lot better than I could."

I tried to process all this. Harry
was okay. Harry was busy. I didn't answer my comm? "You commed me?"

"He did."

"I didn't hear it."

Chakotay grinned, "No, I'd say even
a red alert wouldn't have awakened you. I tried the door chime, even pounded
on the door. I only came in when you didn't answer. I'm sorry to wake you
up."

I tried to shake off the confusion
that still fogged my brain. "Why . . . why are *you* here?"

"As I said, Harry was worried when
you didn't answer the comm." His voice sounded like a man repeating himself,
which I guess he was. "When Harry checked, your channel wasn't affected
by the malfunction. So, then the Captain asked me to look in on you. I'll
let Harry know you're all right, if a little confused. The tricorder says
you're fine," I detected a leer, "but suffering from a slightly elevated
temp and a little . . ." He paused, and I wondered just what he'd seen
on the tricorder. ". . . food deprivation. Have you eaten yet today?"

I tried to remember. "What's today?"

"The day after Christmas. It's about
1600 hours."

I had to think about it. "I don't
think so."

"How about if you put some clothes
on? Like I said, I'll let Harry know you're okay. Maybe he'll be finished
with that diagnostic. And I'll get you something from the replicator."

"Yeah. Sure."

Dressed in sweats and a t-shirt,
a few minutes later I stepped over to the table and found a glass of milk,
a sandwich, and a bowl of sliced fruit. My back to him, I sat down rather
gingerly, wincing at the reminders from my ass of Harry's love for me.
Chakotay seemed to be picking up the living room including my towel from
this morning and the blanket that had half fallen off the couch on to the
floor. "You don't have to do that," I told him.

"It's okay. Go ahead and eat while
I help out a little."

I couldn't help but frown. Chakotay
was being awfully nice and that made me a little suspicious. But he just
cheerfully went about making my quarters presentable. When he came out
of the bathroom, I thought I saw his nose wrinkle a little. It probably
still smelled of sex in there. Oh, well, Chakotay was a big boy. If he
didn't know what Harry and I were about before, I guess he did now. Nonetheless,
I wasn't prepared to deal with his quiet words when he finally sat down
at the table opposite me. He watched me finish my milk, then, in that level
voice of his, he said, "You kids don't know when to stop, do you?"

I choked on the small amount of milk
still in my mouth and coughed. "Um . . . what?"

End Part 1

Title: Tom's 12 Dark Days of Christmas

Author: Judy

Series: VOY

Part: NEW 2 /12

Rating: NC-17

Codes: P/K; C

Please see Part 1 for summary, disclaimers,
warnings etc. Please do not read this part without having read the warning
first.

Chakotay's smile disappeared and
he leaned across the table at me. His voice was stern and I felt a bit
like a little kid again subject to my father's warnings. "Tom. I've heard
the rumors about you and Harry. No, not that you're lovers, that's old
news. The rumors are that Harry beats you to the point where you have difficulty
walking and sitting."

Oh, shit, not again. I put my head
in my hands, elbows on the table.

Chakotay's calm voice continued.
"When I came in, I didn't intend to intrude on your privacy. As I told
you, Harry was worried about you when he couldn't reach you. In your sleep,
you must have kicked off the blanket. I saw your backside, Tom. I saw the
redness and the bruises. I used the tricorder and confirmed it. You were
beaten. Recently. Spirits, man, you're still recovering from that alien
infection."

Now I really needed some divine intervention.
A lightning bolt striking me dead would be nice. Lunch started backing
up and I toppled the chair in my haste to reach the bathroom. Oh, gods,
I retched up everything. I was half collapsed against the toilet bowl when
Chakotay came in and asked, "Done?"

I nodded. There wasn't anything left
inside. He got his arms under my armpits and helped me up, his hands moving
to my sides to keep me steady.

And things that couldn't get much
worse, did. Harry burst into my quarters and quickly located us in the
bathroom, Chakotay still holding me. Like someone two feet taller than
his real height, Harry barged in and pushed Chakotay away from me. "Tommy,
what's wrong? What's going on in here?"

My mouth felt like crap and I grabbed
a swallow of mouthwash to rinse it out with, when Chakotay began to answer.
"Tom vomited. I was helping him up."

"Well, I'll take care of him now,"
Harry announced. His face was red and he looked angry.

Chakotay spread his hands in a gesture
of peace. "Tom, Harry, we need to talk."

Harry turned to me, his expression
and tone filled with suspicion. "Tom, why were you sick?"

"Yeah, thanks, Harry, I'm fine now,"
I told him with a little anger of my own. He hadn't even asked how I felt.
I pulled away from both of them and left the room.

I said, "He can tell you."

The three of us took up seats around
the living room. Although Harry tried to sit next to me, I kept myself
apart from him and crossed my arms as I sat on the couch.

"Tom?" he asked as he took a chair.
He was no longer visibly angry, but seemed worried.

Chakotay looked at each of us, then
settled his gaze on Harry. "We've got a problem. I was telling Tom that
I realized the rumors about you two are true, you are beating him."

"Who told you? Tuvok?" I challenged.
"He said. . . "

"Tuvok has told me nothing."

"Then B'Elanna . . ."

He shook his head. "Not B'Elanna.
Some of the crew, both Maquis and Federation." He looked at me sternly.
"Now, I've confirmed it for myself." I blushed hotly, remembering that
he'd seen me in my sleep and had used the tricorder. Chakotay's voice was
as steely as his gaze. "This has to stop. Tom, you're fourth in line in
the ship's command structure. If people are talking about you, the way
it sounds as if they are, if the time came, you'd be without the respect
you'd need to assume command."

I didn't want to acknowledge that
the commander was right. Shit, shit, shit. SHIT!

Then Chakotay's attention on me intensified.
Harry looked as if he wanted to disappear. There was something like sadness
in Harry's eyes now that the commander's words had sunk in. For some reason,
Chakotay also looked sad. "Tom. How about filling me in? It sounds as if
Tuvok has already been here."

"Look, I don't know what to say.
What we do is our own business. We'll be more careful from now on. Nothing
that's happened has been without my consent." I tried another tactic. I
was tired of all of this. "Talk to Tuvok. I don't want to go through it
again and try to explain it to someone who doesn't understand."

Very quietly, so quietly I could
hear my breath catch, Chakotay said, "Who says I don't understand?" He
gave us each a meaningful look. "I think it's you two who don't understand.
You're in way over your heads and you don't even know it."

Harry looked ready to pop Chakotay
one. If Chakotay recognized the aggressive stance Harry had adopted, he
paid it no attention. Chakotay's gaze was steady on me and I felt unnerved.
It was as if he was able to look inside me and know my every dark need.
Oh, fuck. I let my eyes slide away no longer able to take that penetrating
scrutiny. His words 'Who says I don't understand?' echoed in my brain.
What did he mean?

"You don't know anything about us!"
Harry challenged.

"I know you don't know what you're
doing," he told Harry harshly. "You left Tom without using a regenerator."

"I didn't want him to," I corrected
as mildly as I could.

Chakotay just stared until Harry
squirmed. "He just made my point, Ensign."

Chakotay shook his head and finally
took his eyes away from Harry to rest them on me. "Tom, Harry. You're both
very young, you're far from home, far from the influence of others who
might guide and mentor you."

The disbelief on Chakotay's face
told me Harry had really stepped in it this time. "You *read* about this?"
He sighed. "This behavior is placing you both in jeopardy. Perhaps I can
help you to put a stop to it before it's too late."

Harry and I kind of blinked at each
other. Chakotay was offering his help? My cynical side took over, "What?
You offering to take Harry's place in paddling my ass? That'll sure stop
the gossip about me and Harry. Huh, Commander?" I couldn't believe I'd
just said something so stupid.

"What?" My brain was echoing with
his 'that idea certainly holds some appeal' comment and I only half listened
to his next words.

"Break up. Tom, you're going to have
to do it very publically."

Even half listening, I heard what
he said. "No way!" I protested. "You're crazy!!!"

"What do you mean, break up?" This
from Harry.

"The rumors have to be put to rest.
The crew who've been spreading them have to see Tom assert himself in such
a way that they will be convinced that you never, ever, could have beaten
him."

"But I don't want to!" I fairly shouted
at the commander. How could Harry even think about it?

Chakotay turned on me, furious, "This
isn't about what you want, Lieutenant! Your recklessness has put you in
an untenable position. And *you* have to change it. Do you want the captain
to know?"

Oh, gods, I thought I'd be sick again.

Harry seemed to be thinking it over.
"Tom pretends to break up with me. Then we can get back together, but we
have to show that Tom's in charge?"

"Yes. That's about it," Chakotay
told us. "I'll leave now. I think you two have a lot to talk about. I'll
check back with you tomorrow. And I will talk to Tuvok. Knowing him, he'll
no doubt ask your permission before he says anything to me." He rose to
his feet. "Tom. I hope you feel better soon."

He let himself out and I asked Harry
what had brought him to my cabin. I didn't think he was off shift yet.
"I got the problem figured out. B'Elanna's working on the solution. When
Chakotay commed me that you'd been so deeply asleep he was worried about
you, I told the captain I thought I was needed here for a day or so. The
doctor backed me up. He said he didn't think you should be sleeping as
deeply as you were and he wants to see you for a check up. He doesn't think
you should still have a fever."

"Really?" Then I smiled. "I gather
you didn't tell him what we did for lunch. But, this means we can be together?"

His answering smile faded. "Not for
long, at least not according to Chakotay. Tom, he made a lot of sense."

I knew that. I just didn't like it.
I thought about something Harry had said the other day. "Harry. I thought
you told me you didn't get jealous. What was that all about?"

"What?"

"When you came in and found me with
Chakotay in the bathroom?"

"Nothing."

"Harry. You were ready to kill him."

"What are you grinning about?"

"I thought it was kind of funny."
I laughed. "Harry, gods, you should have seen your face."

"Forget it, Tommy. Just forget it."

I laughed anyway. But all of a sudden,
I was unable to get past the idea that we were going to break up. Even
it if wasn't for real, it just scared me totally shitless. I found myself
choking back tears.

"What is it, baby?"

I took my upset out on him. "Don't
call me that! I'm not going to do what Chakotay says. All . . .all we have
to do is . . . is . . ."

"What? What can we do to stop the
rumors? Send out a broadcast ship wide? 'Harry doesn't beat Tom?' Hell,
at this point, all you'd have to have is a stiff muscle and it'll be all
over the ship that I've beaten you again." Harry sounded bitter. "I would
think the captain hearing about this would be the last thing you'd want."

"Just my luck she already knows,"
I muttered angrily.

"Then going through with pretending
to break up will make her rethink it. We just have to handle this right."

"Yeah, sure."

I tried to curl up into a ball on
the couch, not easy when you're as tall as I am. Harry reached out a hand
towards me. "Leave me alone," I told him sullenly.

He stood up, looming over me. "It's
when you act like this that I'd like to take a strap to your stubborn ass."

"Go ahead," I sneered. "One last
time for old time's sake."

"Forget it!"

Hmm, apparently I'd managed to piss
off my lover and best friend. Maybe breaking up wouldn't be so hard to
do after all. Call this a practice session.

I watched Harry take a few deep breaths,
calming himself. "Tom. Let's not fight for real. I don't like this any
more than you do. But we have to do it. We'll only be apart for a few days.
Then we can make up." He grinned. "That could be fun!"

I wasn't about to concede anything
yet.

Harry sat down close to me and put
his arm across my shoulders. "Come on, Tommy. It'll be all right. You know
I love you."

He saw right through me. "Tommy,
Tommy. I love you. We've been apart for a few days before. Remember when
you took that shuttle out and I had to stay here? You were gone for four
days."

"But . . ." I didn't know what I
wanted to say.

He leaned in and kissed me and I
wanted to lose myself in that sweet kiss. I relaxed against him. I knew
he loved me. Now. But what about if we were apart? Would he realize just
who he was involved with? And regret it? He wouldn't find anyone else,
would he? And neither would I. I shuddered a little at that last thought.
Where had it come from?

I remembered my thoughts earlier
in the day. I would do anything for this man. His love for me was such
an exceptional gift. How could I not want to do whatever it would take
to please him? Yeah, well, I wouldn't go out an airlock or anything stupid
like that, but I did want to make him happy.

And then there was the captain. The
thought that she could know about the spankings was enough of a threat
to scare me half to death. She couldn't know. Harry was right. Hell. Chakotay
was right. I had to pretend to break up with Harry in a very public way.

"Okay," I sighed. "Okay, I'll do
it." A big hug from Harry helped. "But not today."

"We can do it whenever you're ready.
I don't think you should do anything for a few days yet. You're still recovering
from the infection and I want to take care of you. 'Kay?"

He was smiling at me. And I was exhausted.
The past hour had been more excitement than I'd needed. I nodded.

As if sensing my fatigue, he noted,
"You were sick earlier. Think you could eat something now?"

"Yeah," I answered tiredly. "I think
I'll just take a little nap first."

He moved off the couch and I stretched
out on it. Harry found the blanket that Chakotay had neatly folded earlier.
Shaking it out, he placed it over me and ordered the lights dimmed. I felt
his warm kiss on my forehead. As I drifted off, two statements went through
my head. What the hell had Chakotay meant when he said 'What makes you
think I don't understand?' And then he had added, 'that idea certainly
holds some appeal'?

Hours later I woke up to a dimly
lit cabin. I felt a little better and found myself hungry. With the exception
of the food I'd thrown up, I hadn't eaten all day. When I moved off the
couch, I found out Harry was already in bed asleep and realized my 'nap'
must have gone on longer than I'd thought. As quietly as I could, I replicated
some soup and toast and a glass of milk. There was a message I read from
the doctor. Apparently, he'd made another house call and left me a hypospray
to take when I woke up. His message said it should help with the low grade
fever I continued to run. I had to admit I still felt warm, so I followed
the instructions and took the hypospray.

His message also informed that he'd
used the dermal regenerator on my buttocks, that Harry had agreed. My foul
mood returned. Who the hell were they to decide that for me?

It didn't take long to eat. Thoughts
of the awful days that lay ahead of me made the food tasteless in my mouth.
Even pretending to break up with Harry was too damned scary. I didn't want
to do it but realized that I had only brought it on my self. Why had I
gotten into the spanking the way I had? How could I do something that put
me in danger of throwing away everything I had worked for over the past
four years? I just didn't know. Was Harry's half joking comment about addiction
true? Although I felt pretty certain that some of his enjoyment in paddling
me came from the act itself, I knew his real pleasure was in the way I
got off on it. Damn me all to hell for ever finding out how much I liked
it.

I recycled the dishes and decided
I needed to do something to cheer myself up. It took me a few moments,
and after discarding some ideas as basically boring, I came around to the
idea of doing something to please Harry. It just seemed right.

I slipped off my clothes. In the
closet, away from Chakotay's prying eyes, I found the white silk robe I'd
worn last night as Harry's angel and pulled it on, belting the sash around
my waist. After ordering on the soundproofing, I located the vid camera.
Silently, I padded over to the bed. I wasn't sure how much he would like
being awakened, but I was pretty sure he would like my offer to take pictures
of me in my 'angel' outfit. Somehow we hadn't gotten around to that last
night.

I knew how much he enjoyed taking
pictures of me in these special outfits. I'd never really liked it, the
idea of making some kind of digital record of these displays made me nervous.
But Harry'd assured me that even I couldn't break the encryption level
under which he'd stored them. And I couldn't. I'd tried. These pictures
were just something he liked so much. I hoped my offering this to him would
seem like a gift, a way to make up for my earlier surliness.

Kneeling beside him on the bed, I
swished the robe over his face and shoulders watching his reaction go from
slumber to bewilderment to delight. I planted kisses all over his forehead,
nose, chin, mouth, ears, neck. At his throat, I began to suck at his skin,
darkening it beneath my lips. With the lights at twenty percent I knew
he could see me enough to know who I was. "Tommy?"

I kissed his lips, then got off the
bed. "It's me, the big fraud, pretending to be an angel one more time.
Here. Look. You could call me your fraudian angel."

He laughed at my attempt at humor.
By the grin on his face, I guessed he was all right with having been awakened.

I stood next to the bed and twirled
around, much as I had last night, knowing the flowing silk fabric would
create shifting windows to my nude body. As I hoped, this brought a gasp
from him and I could see his arousal creating a pyramid in his shorts.
He reached for me but I danced back and handed him the vid. "Here."

At first I think he feared I'd replicated
some new gadget for him to use on my ass, but he rapidly caught on that
I'd given him the means to take my picture. He called for fifty percent
lighting and grinned as he looked at the vid. I tried to strike up a provocative
pose for him, my body sideways, the robe cutting a line down my thigh,
my half-aroused cock lit by the overhead light. I turned my head sideways
to grin at him. After he pulled out the two way viewer, I was able to see
what he saw. Based on the image there, I did my best to improve my come
hither look. He took the picture.

Then I faced forward, the robe open
at my waist, falling away off my thrust-forward hips, my genitals in full
view. I opened my mouth with the tip of my tongue part way out in a simulated
pout. He snapped that picture.

I was becoming truly aroused by this
posing and asked him to place me for the next picture. I stood, hip cocked,
as he studied me, a half-smile on my lips. He took my picture.

"Hold yourself, Tommy." I wasn't
totally sure what he meant, but experimentally placed a hand under my balls,
lofting them for him. "That's it, angel. Oh, gods," he moaned. "You are
so beautiful."

I felt more wanton than beautiful,
but hey, it was his picture. He told me to place the other hand behind
my back on my ass and I did. After that picture, he asked me to turn around.
"Now, take your hand and sweep the robe away from your rear. Then look
over your shoulder at me."

I was a little nervous about this,
after all, my ass was apparently the object of ship's gossip. Now I was
glad the doc had used the regenerator on me. No evidence. I felt my balls
tighten and my cock pop up. Harry moved behind me and his hands smoothed
down my ass checks, sliding across them and down further where his hands
eventually encouraged my thighs to move apart additional inches.

I groaned. I wanted more but knew
this would have to do. He released me and stepped back. With me looking
at him over my shoulder with undisguised longing on my face, he took the
picture.

"Now. Undo the robe, but keep it
on. Lay down on the bed on your side facing away from me."

Once I was in position, he arranged
the robe so that it flowed from my back over my waist to my front, exposing
my ass. He told me to bend my knees which pushed my ass closer to his vid.
Then he took the picture.

On my stomach next, my legs splayed
widely apart. The silk partially covered one leg from my hip to my foot.
My head was raised up enough by my arms to look back at him, my eyes huge
as they begged him to fuck me.

The last picture had me on my back,
the silk between my legs but off to the side and twisted around one leg.
A pillow was under my buttocks, my knees were wide apart, pressed up to
the sides of my chest by my arms. This particular pose exposed my balls,
upright cock, and puckered anus to full view. I knew I was still hairless
and felt even more exposed because of that. Harry asked me to hold it,
then wet his finger and rimmed my anus until it opened a little. He pulled
back and took the picture.

I licked my lips and saw him zoom
in for a close up of those nether regions. Oh, gods, my cock just got harder.
From the bulge in his shorts, it looked as if he was just as aroused as
I was.

By then, both of us were breathing
heavily. With one hand he brought the hem of the silk robe up to the side
of my face and rubbed me with it. Every place it sueded against me, I felt
as if something molten had touched me. He put the vid down and rummaged
in the side table drawer while I remained displayed for him. My cock was
as hard as the hull of the ship from just thinking about how I looked so
openly arranged for him. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the sensation of
allowing myself to be so vulnerable.

He used the lube from the drawer
to prepare me and I moaned loudly when his fingers slid inside me and they
turned and pulled until he could move those slick digits easily in and
out. I was lost in the sensations of the silk on my face and the fingers
in my ass. He extended deeply inside of me, the fingers thrusting in and
out. As my anus opened and closed around them, my hips squirmed in need.
He placed a hand under my hip and told me to be still as he worked those
fingers in patterns that kept me on edge.

Erect, almost against my chest, my
cock signaled its need for attention by weeping copiously against my hot
skin. But when I reached for it, Harry held my hand in a tight grip. "No."

I needed something, anything to help
me deal with the incredible sensations up my ass. But I couldn't move and
I couldn't touch myself and I thought I'd never to be able to withstand
such agony.

"Open your eyes," he directed. "Keep
them open. I want to see you, angel, I want to see inside you when I make
you come."

He stepped out of his shorts. The
sight of him, a soft golden god in front me, made my breath catch in my
throat. Then he played with me a moment more before he lubed his cock.
The slippery hands pushed against my upraised thighs, pressing my legs
back down harder against my sides. His cock tickled my bare skin, poking
its way around to my opening.

His dark eyes linked with mine and
I knew just before he entered me that he was going to do it. His hands
pressed down even more strongly on my parted thighs. Then he slid his cock
inside me very slowly. I groaned as he did so and began to close my eyes.
He told me to keep them open and in a daze I did as directed. This time
we communed on two levels. On one level we were in synch with our bodies,
his cock parading in and out of me as if he truly owned my ass. On another
level, our eyes allowed each of us equally inside the other, penetrating
with a force made only of energy and light waves.

My excitement built as I watched
his enjoyment increase to an almost painful level of intensity. But my
cock could only bob helplessly as it tried to get his attention. Then he
placed his hand on it, and I almost couldn't hold back. His soft words,
almost a moan that matched mine in intensity, told me to hold it, hold
it, hold it.

I had to remain absolutely motionless
for I feared that the friction of air would be enough to set me off. He
slowly moved deeper inside me, then just as slowly pulled out to the head.
I knew with certainty that his next plunge inside me, no matter how slow,
would set me off. He must have seen it in my eyes, for he whispered, "Come
now, angel."

His fingers fisted around my swollen
cock and I spurted and spurted and spurted with a scream that must have
been heard in the Alpha Quadrant. And then I saw the need in his eyes,
the dark, hungry look that told me he was feeling every contraction of
my rectal muscles, every pull on his engorged penis. With a yell, his hot
cum rampaged inside me, the pulses of his cock so strong I could feel them
vibrating through the walls of my rectum.

He collapsed on me and I let my legs
unwind, the joints stiff from the unaccustomed position where I had them
bent up against my sides. Almost simultaneously we heaved in great breaths
as we tried to recover from the strong orgasms that had ripped through
us both. Then he fell down on my sticky chest, and his cock emerged, a
soft mound of much loved flesh.

I kissed his thick hair that was
as silky as my robe and pressed my hands against his back, holding him
closely to me. It didn't matter that our chests were sticking together
from our combined sweat and my cum. Reality had begun to flood back and
I knew there would not be many such opportunities for us again for awhile.

He stirred, murmuring endearments,
and lifted his head enough to kiss me back. What I saw in his eyes made
me understand that reality was making this moment bittersweet for him as
well. I loved the way he told me, "Don't ever forget how much I love you,
Tom."

Placing his hands on the bed on either
side of me, he raised up his chest and we heard a sucking sound as his
chest pulled apart from mine. When he knelt above me, I saw satisfaction,
love, and sadness in his eyes. I could hardly bear to see the sorrow there,
and I pushed up to hug him, never mind the stickiness of our bodies. "I
love you, Harry. Don't ever leave me."

"I won't, sweetheart." Then he was
gone to the bathroom to bring cloths to wash us off with. I was asleep
before he returned, content for the moment that he still loved me.

End Part 2

Title: Tom's 12 Dark Days of Christmas

Author: Judy

Series: VOY

Part: NEW 3 / 12

Rating: NC-17

Codes: P/K; C

For summary, disclaimers and warning,
see part 1. Please do not read this part if you have not read the warning.

Part 3

Day 3 December 27

No energy. Nothing. I mean here we
were, both of us off duty, and most of the time that would mean, well,
sex, love, sex, holodeck adventures, sex. All right, so, I like sex. But
the prospect of going through with the breakup just depressed the hell
out of me. I knew that it wouldn't be a real breakup but I was going to
have to figure out some nasty things to say to Harry and we'd have to be
apart for awhile. I wished I could blame Chakotay for this but I couldn't.
Damn!

I didn't deal real well with all
this guilt. Hell, I've never coped well with guilt. I wanted to get out
some real booze and get shitfaced before lunch. But Harry was in my cabin,
'looking after me'. I pulled the covers over my head and decided that not
getting out of bed might work. If I slept all day, then I couldn't get
into trouble.

The bed moved. "Tommy?"

I opened one eye and looked up to
see Harry. He was smiling and he looked so . . .my heart just leaped. I
rolled over onto my back and let his eyes wake me up. His eyes, and his
mouth, and his fingers played over me. For a little while the depression
went away. Harry kind of had that effect on me.

"Awake?" he asked with a grin.

"Yeah."

"How 'ya feeling this morning?"

I took that as a serious question.
"Argh! I don't want to do it, Harry."

He knew what 'it' I was talking about.
"No. I wasn't asking about that. How's your body doing today? Remember
that alien infection?"

"I don't think I can forget it. About
the same as yesterday. Not much energy."

Harry leered at me. Yeah, Harry.
Leering. "You did just fine, angel."

He adjusted himself on the bed, his
hand brushing at my hair. "Have I told you how much I love you?"

"Chakotay? You've got to be kidding."
To my relief, Harry's response told me that screwing Chakotay placed just
about dead last on his list of fun things to do. Then Harry told me what
was bothering him. "I was thinking about what he said to me yesterday.
Like I was . . .wrong for you or something."

"I think he said *we* didn't know
what *we* were doing. I don't think he singled you out, buddy."

"But I don't want to be doing things
all wrong."

"You're not. Whose opinion is important
here? His or mine? I like our relationship."

"But he said I shouldn't have left
you without regenerating you first. He made it sound like I was an idiot."

"You respected my wishes. That doesn't
make you an idiot." I gave him a rueful grin. "Makes me an idiot . . .
"

"But I'm supposed to know what's
best for you, even when you don't."

"Wait a minute. Shouldn't *we* figure
out how we want it to go?"

"Yes, but think about it, Tom. Do
you remember Lidell? And what you told me?"

How could I forget her? I'd managed
to get myself into a lot of trouble by hanging out with her even though
she was a married woman. When her husband was killed I was found guilty
of his murder. I sighed. It was not one of my prouder moments. "I think
I told you that you were supposed to be the conscience I never had?"

"That's how I remember it."

"You took me seriously," I realized.

"I thought you meant it. But what
I'm getting at, is maybe Chakotay was right. I'm not doing a good job.
I'm letting you get away with stuff that's not good for you."

"I don't think I get away with much.
Seems to me my ass gets paddled on a regular basis," I grinned when I said
that.

"The only reason that happens is
because you want it."

"Oh? I seem to remember a Thanksgiving
spanking where you were pretty pissed at me."

He shrugged. "Yeah. You've got a
point." Then, as if he'd conceded too much, he added, "It wasn't as if
I was out of control or anything. And you still liked it."

"'Course I did. What did you call
me yesterday? A sick puppy?"

That earned me a half smile, then
he went back to his real concern. "Tom. Chakotay said . . ."

"Forget what Chakotay said." I wished
I could. I still had the commander's words in my head. 'Who says I don't
understand' and 'That idea certainly holds some appeal'. Maybe I shouldn't
be surprised that Harry was dwelling on the big guy's words as well. "All
right. Suppose Chakotay has a point? Then what?"

"Then maybe I should be more careful
about your well being."

"No one could love me more." I pulled
him down on top of me and we wrestled on the bed for a bit.

"That's not necessarily the same
thing, Tommy," he gasped out between rolls on the covers.

I couldn't answer. I was too busy
trying to get his clothes off of him. All he had to get off me was a blanket
and that didn't take very long. As we rolled around some more, laughing,
I finally threw myself down on top of him. He let me pin his arms back
above his head and, with my knees on either side of his hips, I brushed
kisses down his chest, stopping to suck on each nipple. Achieving a satisfactory
level of erectness of the nipples, I licked my way down to his navel. His
laughter turned to moans. I liked the sound of that.

Then suddenly I found myself flipped
over onto my back, my arms pinned above my head, his groin to my face.
He rubbed his balls against my chin; his curling dark public hair was like
a brush against my unshaved skin. I tried to reach up to capture his cock,
but he was just out of reach of my mouth.

He moved his knees up along the length
of the bed so that when he bent over me, his cock hung over my lips. He
released my hands and guided his engorged arrow into my mouth. He thrust
gently inside, allowing me to suck him and play my tongue over his shaft.
I could feel my own cock turn erect in sympathy. Or was it jealousy?

With the back of my head pressed
against the bed, he set the rhythm with his hips, easy at first, then increasing
his frequency and amplitude. He fucked into my mouth as if he'd not made
love in months. It'd been awhile since I'd sucked him off and I put all
my effort and experience into making this a good one. >From his cries,
I thought I might be doing all right. With his cock down my throat, I wasn't
making much intelligible noise, but I couldn't help the way my body thrashed
around in time to his building frenzy. I sucked hard. I had him captured
so deeply that I felt his balls bob against my chin. Briefly, I hoped the
bristle on my chin wasn't hurting him. But if he noticed any pain, he didn't
let me know.

He began to lose himself in a hard
momentum that drove his cock in and out from my lips to my throat, my cheeks
suctioned around him as I sucked him for all I was worth. Then he began
to spurt into me and I let go of the suction and worked to swallow what
I could, his taste distinctive, swallowable. Finished, he pulled out and
sank down on his haunches, his bottom brushing my groin, a little cum dribbling
on my chest. I opened my eyes and looked up at his rapt expression. It
was as if he'd been transported to another plane of existence. "Oh, angel,"
he crooned.

I just lay there with what had to
be a sappy grin on my face. I'd done this to him and it was a great feeling.
I loved him so much, loved seeing his face still otherwordly from his climax.
This was heaven.

He slumped down by my side and nuzzled
my neck, his lips making soft sucking sounds as his hands came around to
play on my chest. Flat fingers buzzed against my nipples until they almost
saluted. Then a moist mouth sucked them one at a time into sensitive points
as fingers trailed down toward my upraised cock. Somehow he found some
lube and pressed it into my hands.

I cleared my throat. "Um, what. .
. ?"

"I want you in me, Tommy."

No argument there. It'd been awhile
since I'd been inside of him and I liked the idea. After fumbling with
the lube for a moment, feeling strangely nervous, I finally got enough
on my fingers to do a decent job of things. Harry surprised me again by
turning around on the bed so that he straddled me, his ass pointed toward
my face. He must have heard me moan, for he tucked his head down and looked
back at me with a big grin on his face.

All right, Tommy, I told myself,
you are one lucky bastard. That gorgeous ass was just as smooth and muscled
and rippling with strength as it could be. I groaned out loud. With my
fingers coated with lube, I pressed my hands against that golden skin.
I rubbed the mounded flesh and pressed my thumbs down and up the crack,
then prodded a finger inside of him. He pushed back against me and I worked
in a second finger. Gods, he was tight and I loved working him like this,
my fingers scissoring inside him. As I played, I could see his cock springing
back to life and I let my thumbs rub against his balls as my fingers stroked
inside of him.

If I let my cock go without any friction
for much longer I feared for its health. I scooted out from under Harry,
pulling my fingers out of him for the few moments it took to reposition
myself on my knees behind him. I slicked lube on my cock and pushed to
the edge of his anus. He pressed back and I moved forward and sank inside
him, slowly until I was in. With my hands on his hips, I pulled back, pushed
in, and enjoyed the feel of his tight, warm channel as it began to milk
my cock. My heart rate must have skyrocketed as my breathing turned ragged.
We were both slicked with sweat, I felt an itch as a bead of it ran down
my nose, then remained at the edge. But I was too caught up in what I was
doing to stop to wipe it off.

I found myself plunging in and out
of Harry's ass in a rhythm that I hoped would tell him of my desire and
my love. I pressed my face against his shoulders and continued the moves
that brought me to the edge of ecstacy. And then I felt myself about to
go over. I reached under Harry and pumped his cock, felt him discharge,
heard his yell. Then his inner muscles contracted and spasmed and took
me right over as if I'd put the ship into a barrel roll. I pumped into
him until there was nothing left, then we both crashed down on the bed,
me laying on his back trying to regain the ability to breathe.

There was a little life left in me
and I remained inside him until his movements reminded me that my weight
was probably interfering with his ability to breathe. Apparently he'd recovered
that memory of how to inhale and exhale in some kind of smooth pattern
before I had. But with me on his back, he was having a rough time implementing
that memory. So I pushed off him, rolled over, and just lay still, wondering
how much more of heaven I could take.

"Tommy?"

"Mmm?"

"Nice."

"Mmm." Sweat began to dry on my warm
skin.

"Want to shower?"

"Mmm." Eventually.

"The doctor wants to see you today."

"Yeah," I sighed. "I'm okay, Harry."

"Uh-huh."

"I am."

"Tricorder says you've still got
that fever."

"Fuck the tricorder."

He chuckled. "I won't say it."

Once I came down from our lovemaking,
I turned into the good Tom Paris and showered and shaved and ate a brunch
of something Harry'd retrieved from the mess hall. Then it was off to sickbay
and the holodoc.

I sat on the biobed, Harry hovering
nearby, while the doctor did his diagnostics all the while seeming to mutter
to himself. It was not reassuring. When he was done, I smirked at him.
"So? I'm healthy, right?"

"Looks that way, all except for your
temperature. It's still elevated by three quarters of a degree. Each time
I've checked, it's been up at least that much, sometimes a little higher."

Harry interjected his concerns. "What
about the fatigue?"

I glared at my lover, he wasn't supposed
to spill secrets to the doc. In response to my glare, I got a 'this is
for your own good' look. The things I have to put up with. I have the feeling
Harry was thinking the same thing cause his look changed from long suffering
to a grin.

The holodoc turned the question back
on me. "What about the fatigue?"

I shrugged. "I don't know. You tell
me."

"Lt. Paris," the doc's patience was
about worn through.

"Okay, so I'm a little tired."

The doc smirked so I knew he knew
what we'd been doing just a short time before. And between that, the shower,
and the walk to sickbay, I was feeling totally exhausted. "I seem to tire
out easily."

"And you sleep so hard it's not easy
to wake you up," Harry added.

"Today, too?" I asked.

He nodded.

"I'm going to run some more tests,"
the doctor told us in a perfectly predictable response.

In response to his pointed look,
I lay down on the biobed, yawned widely, and told them, "Wake me when you're
done."

Once I closed my eyes, I was asleep
in moments. It felt like hours later but it was hard to tell in the constant
environment of the sickbay. I woke up alone, still feeling fatigued, still
a little feverish. The doc's monitors must have told him I was awake for
he appeared at my side.

"Doc?" I looked around. "Where's
Harry?"

"He went back to his quarters about
two hours ago."

"Oh."

The doc left me hanging until he
finally conceded, "I commed him as soon as you woke up. He wanted to be
here."

That last statement made me sit up.
"What? Are we talking bad news?"

"Let's wait until Ensign Kim's arrived."
The doctor was scanning me with his tricorder and I gave it a death glare
worthy of our captain. I didn't want it to say anything bad.

It didn't take Harry long to arrive.
As he kind of skidded through the doors, I could tell that he must have
run to sickbay. I was really glad to see him. "Hey."

So it wasn't my best greeting, but
I was feeling a little scared and trying not to show it. If I spoke beyond
that simple word, I might give something away. Not the Tom Paris style,
right?

Harry greeted me with a big smile
and a chaste kiss on my forehead. I guess he didn't want to contribute
to the holodoc's education.

Impatient with waiting, I almost
begged, "Okay, guys, talk to me." Harry gripped my hand and I was glad
he did. A little reassurance didn't hurt.

The holodoc wound himself up and
began with a throat clearing. "Lt., the antibacterial agent in the merckle's
saliva was completely effective against the alien bacteria. However, as
an alien substance of its own, it has had some side effects."

"The fatigue? The low grade fever?"
I guessed.

"Yes. Unfortunately, it isn't localized
the way the infection was . . ." Unfortunately, I thought? Hell, that'd
been a damned embarrassing infection. And he considered this new thing
*unfortunate*? I tuned back into the holodoc's words. " . . . systemic
infection."

"What are you saying?" I felt a little
more nervous now, licked my lips, and increased my grip on Harry's hand.
The Paris style was in danger of slipping.

Well, that sure as shit was reassuring.
A little pissed, I demanded, "Well, when will I feel better?"

"I project that it will be a few
days. But I can't tell you for sure. I retained about a hundred ccs of
the saliva and I've been running every test I can think of to neutralize
the side effects. It will take a little while to run through all the possibilities.
More likely, it will simply run its course. It's not reproducing in your
body, so it shouldn't be with you much longer."

I felt relieved. I put a hand to
my forehead and tried to knead away the headache. "Why is this going to
take so long?"

"Lt. Paris, you work in sickbay.
You know how tricky these alien diseases can be."

Alien diseases? The words were enough
to unhinge whatever remained of the Paris style. I grasped at straws. "What
about B'Elanna?"

"What about her?"

"Remember how her Klingon DNA beat
the Vidian phage?"

"I have not forgotten."

"Well?" Even to myself I know I sounded
just a bit belligerent.

"You're becoming agitated. Perhaps
. . . "

"Damn right I'm agitated! I'm tired
of feeling tired!" I realized that came out a little strange. I tried to
calm down.

"Tom, maybe you'd like to lie back
down for awhile?" Harry asked, the worry in his voice undisguised.

"No! I don't want to take this lying
down!"

"That isn't what I meant."

He sounded so damn reasonable. I
kind of spoke through grated teeth. "Doc, even if you can't cure this thing
yet, isn't there something you can do for the symptoms?"

"I've been trying. I'm afraid I haven't
found the answer for that either. What worked briefly no longer seems to
work."

"This isn't going to kill me, is
it?"

End Part 3

Title: Tom's 12 Dark Days of Christmas

Author: Judy

Series: VOY

Part: NEW 4 / 12

Rating: NC-17

Codes: P/K; C

For summary, disclaimers and warning,
see part 1. Please do not read this part if you have not read the warning.

Part 4

Day 3 Continued

The doctor didn't answer for awhile
and looked damned uncomfortable for the holodoc. Then he said carefully,
"I don't believe so."

Was he hoping for my demise? Did
he consider me that much of a pain in the butt? "What the fuck does that
mean?"

He took my language in stride, a
slight sniff showing his disapproval. "It's very unlikely that you'll die
from this."

"Oh. Now what?"

"I'd like you to stay here."

"Why?" My voice sounded as if I were
whining. Traitor.

"So that you can completely disregard
my recommendations where I can see you do it."

He had that doctor sniff in his voice
that I found so irritating, but I let it go. Well almost. "You just don't
like meeting a bug you can't lick."

"Mr. Paris." Definitely irritated.

"So, I can go back to my quarters?"

He gave a huge sigh. "Fine. Just
take it easy. In all areas," he added with a warning at both of us.

Harry engaged his best ensign mode
and said, "I'll see to it."

"Can I do things like go to the mess
hall? Use the holodeck? Go to work?"

The doctor had agreed to the first
two but not the last one. "When you feel better."

"How long, doc?" I think I'd asked
that before.

"Let's give it a few days. I need
to see how this is going to behave."

Harry directed the conversation in
another, very practical, very Harry like, direction. "Doctor, do you need
him to come back here for anything?"

"I'll want updates every four hours.
Use the tricorder and send the readings to me."

"Am I free to go now?"

"Yes."

As I hopped off the biobed, Harry
hovering at my elbow, I told them both that I felt fine. Except for the
tiredness and the fever that never climbed too high but, unfortunately,
just didn't go away.

Back in my quarters, I did what I
seemed to do best lately. I lay down. "Harry? What are we going to do?"

He nudged me over with his hip and
sat next to me. "I don't know, angel. I can't see following through on
. . . you know . . . the pretend break up while you're sick."

"I'm not very sick, Harry. Not like
I was." I remembered how really sick I'd been on Christmas Eve, how close
I thought I'd come to dying. I mean, I felt sure I was dying. And I didn't
want to look at death again. Not so closely. Not at all.

His arm went under my head and a
few fingers came around to brush my hair. He bent down and kissed me and
I sighed. Maybe we could stay like this for a long, long time.

And I fell asleep for awhile.

****

When I woke up, I thought I felt
better. Got up, didn't see Harry, but found a note from him on my PADD
saying he'd gone with B'Elanna to Sandrine's. When I asked, the computer
told me it was 2100. Since I did feel better, I showered and dressed in
casual clothes and headed for the holodeck.

It was crowded. I found the captain
playing pool with Seven and smiled a little at the sight of the former
Borg applying her science knowledge to the game. Over in a corner, I saw
B'Elanna, Harry, and Chakotay. For some reason, looking at them sent a
jolt right to my bowels. I wasn't sure I wanted to go over there, in fact,
I started backing out of the bar, when the captain came over and hooked
arms with me.

"How are you, Tom?" she asked me
in that raspy voice of hers. "Feeling better?"

"Yes, ma'am," I told her as sincerely
as I could and pulled out one of my smiles for all occasions, including
the one for lying to your captain.

"I hope that's so," and I could hear
the sincerity there.

"Well, I will be," I amended, feeling
a little guilty. "Doc's working on it."

"Good." She nodded her head in the
direction of the threesome in the corner. "Harry's over there."

"Yeah. Thanks." She disengaged to
return to the pool game while Seven watched us with a truly puzzled look
on her face. When I looked down at the table, I could see that the surface
was clear of all but the eight ball. Interesting, as Tuvok might say.

By then Harry had seen me and left
the group to retrieve me. "Tom! Come on over."

"I was just about to leave, Harry."

"I thought you just got here."

"Yeah. Well."

He looked back at the table with
B'Elanna and Chakotay and realized that maybe the company at the table
had something to do with my reluctance. He pulled me away from the others
and I realized that my just going along with him was part of the perception
of us as a couple with him in charge that made the rumors seem real. I
pulled my arm away from the grip of his hand. "Harry, don't," I hissed
at him.

If anyone was looking at us, and
I could feel eyes on us that set the hair up on the back of my neck, they
could see that we were pretty intense. "Don't, Harry," I warned.

"Don't what?"

I waved at the scene. "Don't make
me be a part of this."

"A part of *this* or part of a table
with B'Elanna and Chakotay?" His eyes narrowed. "It's Chakotay, isn't it?"

"Leave it be, Harry."

"Then don't act like this."

"Like what?" The Commander knew so
much I felt myself flushing even at this distance. And all the embarrassment
aside, I had so little energy, I didn't want to expend it on making small
talk with Chakotay. Why couldn't Harry understand that?

He leaned over and kept his angry
voice pitched low enough so that only my ears could hear him. "Like someone
who's got something to hide."

Equally angry, I spoke into his ear,
"I thought I did have something to hide. Look, I'm going back to my quarters."

"Want to bet?" he asked softly.

Now I was confused. He seemed very
confident about something. "Huh?"

"Bet me." His attitude was almost
arrogant and suddenly I realized something, something that I wished I'd
never tumbled to. "Tom?"

"You . . . you . . . I don't know
how you did it. But you rigged those bets, didn't you?" It felt as if the
floor had vanished beneath my feet. Everything I'd believed in, like floors,
love, Harry, was swept away. Gone.

He grinned as if proud of himself.
"Yeah."

Enraged, I lashed out at Harry, decking
him. Then I turned on my heel and got the hell out of there with his voice
at my back calling my name.

So much for pretending to break up.

All the way to my cabin, I didn't
see a thing, just stumbled along blindly, my eyes filled with tears. How
could he have done that? How could he lie to me like that? He set me up,
how many times?

The pain in my heart made every beat
feel as if a knife was slashing at me from the inside. Finally, I reached
my door and fell inside. Every part of my being was falling apart, all
of my molecules felt as if they were spinning out of control. I clutched
at myself. If the arms around my chest were tight enough maybe I could
hold my disintegrating body together.

Betrayed. The word boomeranged around
my brain. Betrayed by my best friend. Betrayed by my lover. I howled with
the pain of it. How could he have done it to me? He'd used our games for
his own advantage. Used me. Betrayed me.

I couldn't stand up any longer and
sank to the floor in the corner by the window where the stars were the
only witnesses to my pain. I buried myself in that corner, arms over my
head, knees up against my chest, as the sobs wracked my body and the tears
poured out of my eyes. I couldn't remember such pain. I'd loved him so
much.

The door chime barely registered
and I hiccuped out the command to engage the security lock. I was too late.
Someone was entering my cabin. I burrowed under my arms, still crying,
and told whoever it was to go away.

"I can't, Tom."

It was Harry's voice. I should have
known. He sounded as upset as I was. "Get out of here!" I shouted at him,
my throat hoarse.

He came over to me instead and knelt
down beside me. He placed himself close to me but seemed careful not to
touch me. "I'm sorry, Tom. I'm really sorry. Please."

"Leave me alone!"

"Tom . . . please. . . I love you."

I managed to look at him. "You betrayed
me!"

He began to cry. With some satisfaction,
I noted the bruise on his jaw. My hand still hurt like hell from having
planted it there. Harry was trying to tell me something. "I didn't mean
to, Tom. Would you listen to me? Please? Gods, Tommy, I love you."

I brushed at my face trying to get
the wetness off. The wall supported my back as I leaned heavily against
it. He loved me. Yeah, right. "No. Harry. I was just someone you used.
You don't love me. You just love to control me, either with my consent
or without it."

I know I sounded bitter, but that's
how I felt. Used. Betrayed. The words in my head brought on a fresh onslaught
of sobs. I couldn't look at him and pressed the side of my head into the
corner, my hands covering my face.

"No, angel, I do love you. I do.
I made a mistake. Please, please listen to me. Don't do this to us."

I just cried harder and then felt
his hand touch my arm tentatively. I tugged away from him. A part of me
was sunk deeply into my own misery, another part registered that he had
withdrawn some distance away. I heard his voice but couldn't make out the
words and wondered who he was talking to. I had to know if there was someone
else in the room and managed to look around. There wasn't. That meant he
was talking over the comm.

Shit. He must have activated the
within ship transporter cause I felt the familiar tingle. When I rematerialized,
I was in sickbay with the holodoc hovering over me, a hypospray in his
hand.

"I don't need that," I told the doctor.

His expression was wary. I guess
he'd heard that I'd punched Harry. "Very well." He put down the hypospray
but picked up a tricorder.

"Can't you just leave me alone?"

"I can see that you're upset."

"Good diagnosis," I told him sarcastically
and tried to clean up my face with my sleeve.

The doctor gave me a wet cloth and
I used it while he scanned me. "Ensign Kim told me you found out about
a mistake that he'd made and that you were very upset."

"I don't think my love life is any
of your concern."

"It is when you're ill and under
my care. Mr. Kim was concerned that he had jeopardized your health."

I wasn't going to discuss it with
the doctor. He would just have to take his scans and let me go. "I want
to leave now."

The doctor held up a hand as if to
stop me. "I haven't finished."

He made some adjustment on the tricorder
and I wondered what level of analysis he was using for this scan. As I
watched his face, he gave away nothing.

The sickbay doors opened and Harry
entered looking upset. I still didn't want to see him.

"Get out!" I shouted at him, lunging
in his direction.

Peripherally, I saw a look of consternation
on the holodoc's face and then I felt a hypospray against my neck. Shit.

When I came to, I was relieved to
find that I wasn't restrained, just laid out on a biobed, a blanket up
to my chin. I felt like shit. Make that refried shit. Then I saw the captain,
flanked by Chakotay. At least Harry wasn't there. The holodoc wasn't in
my direct line of sight but I knew he stood nearby.

"Tom?" the concern radiated from
the captain.

"Sorry," I murmured. I felt hot and
wiped out, as if a starship had landed on me and then transported my smashed
insides into the nearest black hole.

The doc's hypospray must still have
been working in my system cause I didn't lose it entirely. I just partially
lost it as a few tears fell from my eyes. My eyes seemed to blur badly
and I swiped at them. I knew I was nothing short of spectacularly pathetic
when I said, "Just give me some time. Could you leave me alone for awhile.
Please?"

She hesitated, then nodded. "All
right. But we'll talk in the morning. In the meantime, the doctor wants
to keep you over night."

I should have known.

The captain wished me well. Then,
with a glance at Chakotay, she left the sickbay. Chakotay stepped a little
closer and asked the doc for some privacy. I felt the doctor leave, then
saw him enter his office. For his part, Chakotay gave me an inscrutable
look. I took him on. "Well?"

"I'd say you managed a pretty convincing
public breakup. Only thing is, I have the feeling you weren't pretending."

I stared at those dark eyes so different
from Harry's. "I wasn't. I meant it."

"I'm listening." When I didn't say
anything he added, "Tom. There isn't much I don't know. You might as well
fill me in. Maybe I can be of some help."

I just shrugged and he squeezed again,
then left. When the holodoc returned, he carried the hypospray.

"I don't need that," I complained.

"Last I looked, I was the doctor."
He pressed it against my neck

'Maybe I can be of some help,' Chakotay
had said. The words echoed as I fell asleep.

End Part 4

Title: Tom's 12 Dark Days of Christmas

Author: Judy

Series: VOY

Part: NEW 5/ 12

Rating: NC-17

Codes: P/K; C

For summary, disclaimers and warning,
see part 1. Please do not read this part if

you have not read the warning.

Part 5

Day 4 December 28

The doctor kept me in sickbay the
whole fucking day. Told me he didn't want me to be alone. Now why would
that occur to him? Just cause I'd start crying with no warning? Or maybe
it was the string of curses I shouted at Harry when he stuck his lying
head in? Who knew? At least I wasn't any sicker than I'd been, just that
damn unwavering low grade fever. Made me feel like crap, like I didn't
want to do anything but lay on the biobed and sleep a lot. Sleeping did
have its advantages. At least when I slept I wasn't crying.

Chakotay came by more than once,
but I was asleep all but the last time. The doctor made a point of telling
me about all my visitors. Harry, three; the Captain, one; B'Elanna one;
Chakotay four. This time I gazed up at him as his solemn face regarded
me. "So. Paris. How you doing?"

"Go away and leave me alone." I wasn't
glad to see him

He gave me one of those looks with
lots of teeth. I think it was supposed to be a smile. "Obviously feeling
better."

"What the fuck are you doing here?"

This time I got the teeth with dimples.
"Paris, you are so predictable," he laughed.

"What? What's so funny?"

He shook his head, still grinning.
Laying on the biobed, a guy standing there over me, laughing at me, a guy
I didn't want anywhere near me, I lost it. This time I screamed at him,
just short of taking a swing at him. "Leave me alone!"

I watched him carefully, my body
tense. The grin vanished and I saw him shift uneasily. "Take it easy, Tom,"
he told me softly, "I'll go. I'm not your enemy here. The Captain asked
me to check on you." He looked as if he was on his way out, then added,
"Tom. I feel somewhat responsible for what happened between you and Harry.
I'd like to make it up to the two of you."

The two of us? And here I thought
he wanted my ass. Wasn't that what he'd been hinting at with all his words?
He knew things that we didn't. . . he wouldn't mind smacking my ass . .
. he wanted to help. Well, I didn't want him anywhere near me. The truth?
He scared the shit out of me. If he got his hands on my ass, it'd be .
. . whatever. I shuddered, not even wanting to think about it.

Oh, gods, I wanted Harry back. And
then as soon as the thought surfaced, I was crying again. Chakotay had
almost reached the door when he must have heard me. He turned back to my
bed, was at my side, leaning over me.

"What is it, Tom?"

"I don't want you," I blubbered,
then turned away from him.

"I know you don't."

He touched my shoulder. "Do you want
to see Harry?"

"I can't," I told him, unable to
stop crying.

"You can. He wants to see you very
badly."

"He betrayed me."

"He says he made a mistake. He told
me about it, Tom. He's very sorry and wants to make it up to you."

Those words brought on a fresh round
of tears. Sheesh, wasn't I ever going to stop? Gods, I'd thrown up in front
of this guy and now I was bawling my eyes out. Didn't I have any pride?
Yeah, right, Tom Paris, pride of Starfleet. More like a carnival game,
set him up, knock him down. Winner gets Paris' ass. My thoughts just sunk
me into greater misery.

"Tom. Snap out of it," Chakotay used
a gentle version of the command voice. "You're feeling sorry for yourself
and it's not helping you."

"Snap out of it?" The words stung.

"All right, not the best choice of
words, sorry. But I got your attention."

Yeah, he did. I had turned to look
at him, wiping at my damp face. "What?"

"Talk to Harry."

"Not now."

"When?"

"Give it a rest, Commander. You got
a concession out of me. That's all for now."

There was some kind of conflict going
on in his face, but I couldn't read him. He sighed. "You make it tough
to help you."

"I didn't ask for your help."

"Maybe not in words." He left it
there.

I closed my eyes, and when I opened
them, he'd gone.

The doctor emerged from his office
and, as he neared me, I could tell he was checking my readings. "Do you
need anything, Lieutenant?"

I didn't think he could heal a broken
heart so I didn't answer him. He must have finished his scans for he brought
out a hypospray. I told him, "No, don't drug me anymore."

"It's not for that. This new compound
worked in the lab and in the computer sims I ran. It may help knock out
the last of those side effects."

"May?"

"No guarantees."

He was expecting an answer. I grimaced.
"Okay."

"My, my, such enthusiasm."

He applied the hypospray.

****

Days 5 and 6 December 29 - 30

He was after me. All over the ship,
I ran and ran, the corridors a blur. My footsteps and the following footsteps
echoed loudly in what was otherwise an empty ship. After a while I could
hardly breathe, my side hurt, I wanted to give up. But if I did, I'd be
caught.

He had a whip and as he drew closer
and closer he sent its lash after me. Finally, he drew near enough to entangle
my legs and I fell heavily. As I tried to untangle myself, his body slammed
me down to the floor. I rolled away, he came after me, his body landing
on me, this time pinning me down. With the whip encircling my legs, his
whole body pressing me down, I couldn't go any where. My body felt as if
it was on fire.

I tried to scream but his hand covered
my mouth. His knee cramped my thigh, the weight of his chest made it hard
to breathe. I struggled as hard as I could to break free of his weight.

His hand moved off my mouth and I
screamed and screamed.

Words filtered in, over and over,
to the point where I finally identified them. The words were my name, repeated
with maybe varying emphasis. Why? What had happened? Why couldn't I move?
My chest hurt and I struggled once more to breathe. My name was spoken
again.

"Lt. Paris, wake up now."

My eyes finally opened and I saw
the holodoc, a little blurry until I blinked a few times. "Doc?" My voice
sounded weak and choked.

"Ah, there you are."

"I can't move," I whispered, chest
heaving. "Help me."

"It's all right. You're not supposed
to move, Lt. You've been very ill and I've had to restrain you to keep
you on the biobed. I'm very sorry about that."

"What . . . ? Ill . . . ?" It'd been
a dream, the running, the chase. But it still felt as if there was a heavy
weight on my chest. "Hard . . . hard to breathe."

"I know. My cure was worse than the
condition I was trying to treat. You had a severe reaction to the medication
in the hypospray."

I didn't pretend to understand. I
felt hot, wasted, exhausted. I wanted to be told it would be all right.
"Will I . . .will I be all right?"

His dark eyes seemed to waver and
there was real sympathy in his expression. "I hope so, Lt., I hope so."

I closed my eyes. He hoped so.

Who had chased me? No, that was a
nightmare. No one had chased me. Harry? No. Harry had betrayed me.

When I finally woke up enough to
realize that maybe I was going to live after all, I learned that two days
had gone by. All I remembered was the nightmare where I was chased by someone
with a whip. It was a relief to have the restraints taken off and a relief
to hear the doctor tell me that I was going to be all right. I wasn't sure
I cared.

When he told me I had a visitor,
I just stared at him. "Lt.," the doctor prodded.

"I'm not up for company," I responded.

After a few moments of scrutiny,
the doctor brought up a medical tricorder and did a scan. His frown was
a little obvious.

My visitor apparently had enough
of waiting and came around the privacy screen. Damn. It was the Captain.
She managed a smile for the occasion. "Tom."

Her finger brushed my cheek, wiped
away the hot water that had spilled out of my eye. "I'm so sorry, Tom.
Don't push us away. We're your friends. We want to help."

I told myself to shut her out or
I'd really lose it. In the hopes that she would give up and go away, I
closed my eyes. I don't remember hearing her leave.

End Part 5

Title: Tom's 12 Dark Days of Christmas

Author: Judy

Series: VOY

Part: NEW 6/ 12

Rating: NC-17

Codes: P/K; C

For summary, disclaimers and warning,
see part 1. Please do not read this part if

you have not read the warning.

Part 6

Day 7 December 31

New Year's Eve. Another turn of the
old earth calendar loomed at the end of the day.

I was still in sickbay. The next
day for me would probably bring more of the same. Long periods of sleep,
fevered nightmares, a visitor or two, some bland mess hall food. The doctor
might as well have permanently kept the hypospray in his hand for he kept
pressing it against my neck with one thing or another.

By the end of the day, I wasn't as
weak as I had been earlier. Lucky me, I could lift my head, the doctor
even had me on my feet. I managed to get to the bathroom on my own, couldn't
make it back to the biobed though without his help. I really was weak,
a lot weaker than I'd been before the doc's *cure*. The doc fussed over
me so much as he helped me back to the bed, I thought I'd go off on him.
Fortunately for him, I was too tired by the time I made it back that I
ended up falling asleep as soon as I was horizontal.

Apparently, I missed Chakotay's visit.
The doc was still keeping track.

When I woke up, Harry was there with
the doctor hovering nearby. Closing my eyes had worked with the Captain,
so I tried it with Harry. Even though I could blot out his image, I couldn't
block out his words. So I lay as still as possible, hoping he'd give up
and go away. No such luck.

"Tommy? Tom, I know you're awake.
We need to talk. Please listen to me. I never meant to hurt you. It . .
. it started as a challenge. You know, I was always losing bets to you.
I was sure you'd rigged things, and I thought I'd go nuts unless I figured
out how you'd done it. Then, I managed to rig one of my own. I won. And
. . . and . . . it just . . . gods, Tom, I never thought it'd come to this."
I heard him move closer, I heard the catch in his voice. His voice was
breaking up as if he was crying. "Tommy, please . . . I love you so much
. . . "

We both were crying, then he ran
out. I hadn't heard the doctor leave so I guessed he was still there.

"Lt.?" He was.

I let my eyes flutter open. He stood
nearby with his arms crossed against his chest. I guessed he didn't approve.
"What?"

"I think you know what." I didn't
say anything. "Lt. You rigged your own bets with Ensign Kim. Why are you
so hard on him for doing it back to you?"

"I never did," I told him hotly.

"Oh?"

"No. Not even once."

"Then how did you happen to win so
often?"

I needed to answer that question
since I didn't want him thinking that I'd somehow cheated on Harry. "I
studied the situations, you know, analyzed our relative strengths and weaknesses.
I made a bet with Harry when I knew I could win. He just wasn't as careful
as I was in figuring out a sure bet ahead of time." Bitterly, I added,
"Until he decided to cheat."

"What was it about his cheating that
has so disturbed you?" The doctor paused and I waited to hear what he wanted
to add. "After all, wasn't it just fun and games?"

I remembered how Harry had used my
lost bets to coerce me into dressing up the way he wanted me to, into taking
a hard spanking when I'd balked. The knowledge of his lies changed what
had seemed legitimate and an eventual turn-on into something that made
me feel like a jerk, like I'd been used. I hated the way I felt. It reminded
me too much of a long ago Tom Paris. In response to the doctor's question,
all I could say was, "No."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset
you."

"Yeah, right."

"I meant that, Lt. I am sorry. Is
there anything I can do for you?"

"When can I go back to my quarters?"

"When you can get around without
help."

"Trying to give me an incentive to
get well, doctor?"

"I hoped I was more subtle than that,"
he smirked. He used the ever present hypospray and I was glad for the relief.

I have no idea how the crew of Voyager
celebrated New Year's Eve, and I was too wiped out to care.

****

Day 8 January 1

A new year. A new chance for Tom
Paris to screw up. At least I could do it in the privacy of my quarters.
After lunch, the doctor watched over me as I made it to the bathroom and
back on my own. I stood a little shakily in my sickbay gown. The doctor
had his customary frown on so stiffly, I wondered if he hated to give it
up.

"What?"

His voice was stern as he gave me
the good news. "I think you can be released to your quarters. But you'd
better not try to walk there."

"Are you issuing me wings?"

"I only do minor miracles, like saving
your life. Wings are not in my programming. I have been authorized to allow
you a site to site transport."

"The Captain?"

"Commander Chakotay." Oh, well. "He'll
be there when I signal him to make sure you arrive all right."

"Doc . . . " I began to protest.

He had to help me onto the bed, my
legs were about to give out. "Maybe now isn't a good time. We can try later.
Perhaps you'll feel better after a nap."

I didn't want to concede that he
had a point, but I knew I needed to rest first. "Okay." I think I surprised
him as I heard him harumpf. Just to needle him a little, I advised, "Try
to remember this moment, doc."

"An historic first. I shall record
it in my logs in a place of honor. Pleasant dreams, Lt."

I drifted off. The nightmare came
back, the one where the man ran after me with a whip along the deserted
corridors of the ship. I jerked awake when the man's whip tangled my legs.
At least this time I could breathe without the sense of his heavy weight
on me. But I was upset, my heart was racing, and I felt panicked. I sat
up on the biobed and took deep gulps of air as the dream receded. My almost
constant companion appeared by my side.

"Lt.?" the doctor asked.

"Just . . . just a dream," I gasped
out. I could see his frown return. "I'm all right."

"Are you?" his question was not a
challenge but a check.

I struggled with what I wanted to
say. I guess it was a measure of how much despair I felt, cause I thought
I'd level with him. "Doc. I'm not all right. And you know I'm not. What's
wrong with me?"

"I don't know. The merckle's saliva
. . . "

"I know about that. . . what I need
to know is . . . I . . . " this was harder than I thought. "I've been sick
for a week now, at times, really sick. And I still feel like shit."

For the doctor, his voice was almost
kindly, "And you will for awhile longer. There's no more of the side effects
of the saliva to contend with. That's been over since my medication nearly
killed you. You're feeling the aftereffects of your reaction to the medication."

"When does it stop?"

"It was a unique medication, designed
specifically to eliminate the medicine based on the saliva. And you reacted
uniquely to it."

Maybe I needed to know more. "How
uniquely?"

"You went into anaphylactic shock.
We almost lost you."

"What . . . what happened?"

"Bronchial spasms, larynx swelled
shut, plasma lost into tissues . . . heart almost stopped. I'm still trying
to understand the exact cause of the interaction. Suffice it say, you were
very sick."

"But shouldn't I . . . ?"

"Shouldn't you have recovered by
now?" I nodded. "Yes, I would have predicted more of a recovery by now.
But that episode came at a time when your resources were already very low,
physically and emotionally. It's just going to take time, Lt."

"And you don't know how long?"

"No. I don't. I wish I did." He actually
sighed.

I changed topics on him. "Is it still
New Year's Day?"

"Yes."

"Is anything happening on the ship?"

"I believe all the celebrations were
held last night. The celebrants have been rather quiet today. I cured not
a few hangovers."

"Dr. Zimmerman would be so proud,"
I joked.

"If you were on your feet, that would
have been your job," he sniffed.

"So you miss me, huh, doc?"

"It may be time for you to return
to your quarters. If you're ready, I'll let the Commander know."

"I'd like to be in my own room."
I think the words came out a little more wistfully than I had intended.
But, in a few minutes I materialized in my quarters.

Chakotay keyed the door and entered
just as I was looking around and getting my bearings. I'd materialized
in the living room. Somehow the room seemed smaller than I remembered.
I don't know why that thought surfaced among all the thoughts that could
have appeared. But there it was. The room looked smaller.

I stumbled over to the bed and fell
on it. Chakotay hovered over me, much as the holodoc had done earlier.
"Can I get you anything?"

I sighed. "No." I turned away from
him and felt him bring the covers up over my body.

He had the lights dimmed and I heard
him leave the immediate area. At the time I had not idea if he’d left my
quarters or not.

End Part 6

Title: Tom's 12 Dark Days of Christmas

Author: Judy

Series: VOY

Part: NEW 7/ 12

Rating: NC-17

Codes: P/K; C

For summary, disclaimers and warning,
see part 1. Please do not read this part if

you have not read the warning.

Part 7

Day 8 continued

The man with the whip was still after
me. I ran flat out, ran in terror that he'd catch me. Then the whip's lash
coiled tightly around my ankles and I fell hard on the floor. It wasn't
the corridor this time, but a room on Voyager. My pursuer pounced on me
and now I heard his harsh breath and saw his dark eyes. Shadows shifted
and I saw his face. I screamed.

Finally, I surfaced enough to know
that I was in my own bed, in my own cabin. But my heart raced and sweat
ran off my face as well as drenched my shirt. The lights were up enough
to see Chakotay looking worried as he bent over me. He helped me to sit
up and I took a few minutes to take in some deep, choking breaths.

"What is it, Tom? What is it that
you're dreaming?" He sat down on the edge of the bed and turned so that
he could see me.

"You. You're . . . " then I realized
I was about to tell him my nightmare. Common sense shut me up.

"Me? Is that the problem?"

"No. I don't know," I just knew I
was terribly confused. And terrified of him.

He saw it, the fear I was trying
so hard to hide. Then he sighed deeply, gazed on me with a kind of sadness.
"I've scared you somehow. I'm sorry. I never meant to say or do anything
that would frighten you. Can you talk about it? Help me understand what
I've done?"

Oh, shit, he sounded so reasonable.
"You . . . the dream . . . you were chasing me with a whip. And you got
close enough so that it got my legs all tangled up and then you landed
on me and I couldn't get free. I . . . I knew you were going to hurt me."

"With the whip?"

"I think so, but I don't know." I
hoped he could see in my eyes that I really didn't know, but that I feared
something.

"Tom." His smile was rueful. For
a long moment indecision held him still, then he lightly touched my arm.
"You need to get into some dry clothes or the holodoc will have me fired
as chief nurse. Then I think we'd better talk a little. While you change,
would you like me to get something for you from the replicator? Hot chocolate,
maybe?"

He said so much with those few sentences.
He established a nurse-patient relationship, something totally nonthreatening.
He knew I needed to change clothes, but he made it clear that I would have
privacy while I did that. He also implied that I could dress myself, so
I was not an invalid in his eyes. Another notch ratcheted down on my fear
meter. And he offered a drink that he knew I would like, something soothing,
something to remind me that I was safe.

I think all those realizations must
have played out on my face for he smiled, the dimples showing, the eyes
glinting. Nodding at my understanding of him, he moved off the bed and
into the living area.

We sat at the dining table, he with
a cup of tea, me with my hot chocolate. He'd even put a marshmallow in
it, well, he'd had the replicator do it. Still, it was a nice touch. A
sandwich accompanied the drink. "Thanks."

"You're welcome." After a long sip
of his tea, he gave me an appraising look. "So. What's all this about,
Tom?"

I thought of so many different versions
of the truth to tell him. Finally, I just blurted it out. "I'm afraid of
you."

"Ah," he said, as if I'd managed
to clarify things for him. "Let me take a guess here. You're afraid that
without Harry, I may move in to take his place. And if I do, the kind of
control you exerted over Harry will no longer be possible. You feel you'd
be helpless and that you'd be hurt by me. Anywhere near accurate?"

I blushed. I couldn't help it. Somehow
he'd managed to verbalize what I'd been too afraid to face. "Yeah, I guess,
something like that."

"Okay. If that's it, let me clear
things up. No, I'm not Harry. If you and I were in a relationship you would
be so far on the bottom you wouldn't know what hit you. And I know that
scares you. You're a bottom, but a bottom who's very nearly always in control
of the top. Am I right?"

I shrugged uncomfortably. I didn't
want to categorize how I saw myself or Harry or him.

"What have I got wrong?"

I wasn't used to having these kind
of conversations and wasn't sure what I could say to clarify things. "It
. . . with Harry . . . it wasn't like that . . . you know, top or bottom."

He gave me a look that told me I
was clearly deluding myself. But instead of dismissing my view, he asked,
"How would you describe your relationship with him?"

"We . . . we just had fun."

"Except . . ."

I thought first of saying 'except
that he was too hard on me sometimes'. Instead, I told Chakotay, "Sometimes
I wanted too much . . .you know . . . "

He waited for me to finish my sentence.

Blushing furiously, I tried to put
a voice to my needs, "Um, maybe I wanted too much to feel the . . . uh
. . . pain." The last word was barely audible but I know he understood
what I'd said.

He took another sip of his tea and
I used the pause to drink a little chocolate milk, now almost lukewarm.
I was so embarrassed by what I had admitted, I almost bolted from the table
before he spoke.

"Tom. Perhaps Harry made you feel
as if your needs were extreme. But that doesn't make it so. I know Tuvok
checked with you and Harry to see if it was all right if he talked to me
about you two, and we did talk. I understand, Tom. There's nothing wrong
with what you enjoy. As long as it remains private."

I mulled over his words, not sure
where he was going. Was he blaming Harry for my reaction?

"I'm wondering if, with Harry, since
it's on the level of a game, then you can pretend you don't really have
the needs you have, that you're just pretending for the game? Perhaps I
scare you because it'd be out in the open. There would be no game. I would
physically discipline you in ways Harry hasn't dreamed of. And it would
hurt. You want it, that's why in your dream, you were caught. But you don't
want to be the person who wants it and that's why you ran, that's why you
were so terrified." He gave me a speculative look. "Does any of that make
sense?"

It all did. "I think so." I hesitated,
but then plunged in with my next question. "What . . . what do you mean
about hurting me?"

"You want to live vicariously for
a while here? Is that it, Tom?" His soft words took the edge off the challenge
in his words. I guess I did want to know so I nodded slowly.

"I'm not going to tell you everything,"
he said, "but I'll tell you this much. The toys you and Harry have played
with, and, yes, I know that the paddle and the back of the hairbrush hurt,
they've punished you just enough to be arousing, not enough to kill that
arousal. In fact, I'm not sure you've explored the limits of the pain you
can experience and still remain aroused." His eyes took on a distant focus,
then he continued, "I would find that out in the first hour."

How? I thought as my heart thundered
loudly in my chest. I almost put my hand over it to keep it quiet. As if
he read my mind, he filled me in. Chakotay described what he envisioned
as if it were happening to two people as he watched it on a vid. "I would
alter the duty roster so you would have the next two days off. You would
come into my cabin after shift. Of course, eventually I would have to go
on shift, but you would remain in my cabin when I'm gone. In the first
moments after you walk in the door, I have you stripped naked and pressed
over the back of a chair. You're nervous and you mouth off like you usually
do under such circumstances. But we've made an agreement. I will give you
all the punishment you can stand, even more. And you will submit to me
in every way I tell you to."

I snorted, "Not hardly."

He smiled. "I know it doesn't sound
like you. Tom Paris submitting to authority? To me? But you will. Because
you want what I will give you. You need it."

I tried to sound derisive but a crack
in my voice betrayed me. "And what do I need so badly?"

"Remember, you're leaned over a chair.
And I reach for one of my toys. The first toy caresses you, floats over
every inch of your now trembling body. With my feather I stroke you until
you are so hard for so long you beg me for release. I use the feather until
your legs are quivering. I exchange the feather for a short length of leather
and I stroke that leather across your backside, once, lightly, then hard.
So many hard strokes and I don't let up and I don't let you come. I pound
your ass until you cry so hard you can no longer remain bent over the chair.
Then I sit on the chair and pull you across my lap and continue. And just
as you reach your limit, I stop using the strap. I brush the feather over
you so lightly it's almost like the breeze that turns the leaves on the
trees. It brings you back to the heightened arousal of earlier, before
the strap found your limits."

His words were hypnotic and had their
effect on me. The little traitor in my pants was beginning to throb. I
was glad I had on a robe over my shirt and shorts.

His soft voice picked up the narrative.
"I don't let up on my contact with your body. You are so sensitized that
when I blow my breath across your hot ass your cock speaks to me. And I
keep you hard for a long, long time as I surprise your body with every
kind of sensation, light, hard, hot, cold, soft, slick. Over the next long
hours I keep you almost constantly aroused until you hurt with an ache
that won't go away.

"As the days pass, I go to work but
I return on breaks and I alternate abusing your ass cheeks with the strap,
with my hand, with a switch, whatever comes to hand, and then teasing your
body with floating air, feathers, oils, fingers, all over your tender skin.
I play with you, with toys, fingers, my dick, my lips, tongue. You cry
from being overwhelmed with sensation. And you will do whatever I tell
you to do. You will go with me so far that you will never experience embarrassment
over your needs again. You will beg me to let you submit to me, plead for
the intensity and the relief. You will be mine because I will take you
where you've never been. You will find that it isn't just how much pain
you can take, but how much pleasure you can handle."

He stopped. His focus turned from
the possible to the real. He grinned at me. "So. Tom."

He had gotten to me, no doubt about
it, not if my erection was any indication. As well, my heart seemed to
beat in triple time and my breath came in short pants. At the frisson of
fear that shot through me, I almost shuddered. There was just one problem.
I remembered the words I'd said to him in sickbay not too long ago and
my erection lost its urgency. I smiled back at him. He didn't have me after
all. "My ass hurts just thinking about it," I cracked. "But . . . no offense
. . . I don't want *you*."

He knew I was half bluffing. He knew
he'd reached me, his grin told me that. But when he spoke, instead of some
challenge to my words of denial, he indicated, "I know you don't, Tom,
and that's not a problem for me. Maybe I'm even relieved. It'd be a lot
of responsibility for me."

"You're not really attracted to me
either, are you?"

"No. Not really." He quoted my own
words back to me, "No offense. However, I think you have a great ass and
I'd take the responsibility for it, if it was mine, very seriously."

His grin was infectious and I grinned
back. Teasingly, I asked, "How long *did* you look it at that day?"

Laughing, he admitted, "A long time."

"And you only wanted to look?"

"Hey. I hadn't intended to look at
all. You were the one who'd thrown off your covers and lay there bare assed
with those nice pink patches on your backside."

Joining him in laughter won out over
some of my other impulses, such as punching his face.

Turning serious, he answered my earlier
question about only wanting to look. "And yes, other thoughts crossed my
mind. As I said, it's a fine ass. But," he sighed and held open his hands
in a gesture of helplessness, "as you guessed, I'm not really attracted
to you. And although you may be curious about me along with some healthy
fear, you're not really attracted to me either."

"What am I supposed to do?"

"Get back together with Harry." He
said the words as if they were self-evident. "It's him you love. And he
loves you. I think you can get past what he did. And I think you can begin
to build a relationship that will work for both of you. And one that won't
take the ship down with you."

I shook my head.

"What? You plan to take the ship
down?" he was only half joking as he gave me a very serious look.

"No. But . . .Chakotay, I can't get
past what happened. Don't you understand how much he hurt me? How much
he betrayed me?"

He let my words hang out there, then
he seemed to brace himself, his expression sad. When he spoke, he managed
to get me again, "Haven't you ever done something you regretted?"

Startled, I looked into his calm
face and saw no censure there, no condescension either. "Shit! You know
I have!"

"Tom. Think about it. Are you the
only one who's allowed to make mistakes?"

All I could think of were my friends
and fiancé killed at Caldik Prime, because of me. I think Chakotay
knew what was coming next. He was on my heels all the way to the bathroom
where, once again, I threw up in his presence.

After he got me back on my feet and
cleaned me up, he guided me over to my bed. The sheets had had the time
to dry out from my sweat soaked nightmare and I lay down feeling guilty
and miserable. "I don't know what to think," I told him as he stood nearby.

"Not everything has to be solved
in one night. A lot came up in our talk. You may need a little time to
sort things out."

"I just . . . I hadn't thought of
being on the other side of . . ."

As I worked to fill in the right
word, he suggested, ". .. forgiveness?"

"Yeah."

"As I say, it may take some time."
He gathered himself as if ready to leave. "I'm going to set the medical
monitor and leave you be."

I couldn't resist a parting shot.
"What? No goodnight spanking?"

He shook his head and laughed. "Paris,
you really don't want to go there."

I pouted for him. As he gripped my
shoulder briefly, I flirted with danger. "How do you know I don't want
to go there? Besides, Harry probably spanks better than you do." Clearly,
I was baiting the man and he knew it. His look told me he wasn't going
to fall for it. I gave him my most provocative smile, the one that usually
induced Harry to fuck me senseless.

It didn't produce quite that reaction
in Chakotay. When was I ever going to learn to quit when I was ahead? The
look of anger on Chakotay's face scared me. He really looked as if he was
going to smack me one, and not the kind of a smack I'd enjoy.

He spoke through a jaw that barely
moved it was so rigid. "Don't ever pull that crap with me again. Do you
understand me?"

I nodded. He still looked as if he
wanted to hit me. Very subdued, I answered, "Yes, sir."

"The only reason I haven't hurt you
is that you've been sick." He took a few deep breaths while he examined
me for remorse. I hope the fear I felt inside registered so he could see
it. Finally, he shook his head. With his voice still hard with anger, he
told me, "Go to sleep, Tom. I'll check back from time to time."

"Sure."

Drained from the long, intense talk
with Chakotay on the heels of the enervating nightmare, the days of illness,
I promptly fell asleep.

End Part 7

Title: Tom's 12 Dark Days of Christmas

Author: Judy

Series: VOY

Part: NEW 8/ 12

Rating: NC-17

Codes: P/K; C

For summary, disclaimers and warning,
see part 1. Please do not read this part if

you have not read the warning.

Part 8

Day 9 January 2

My slow recovery continued, well,
slowly. I guess it was a sign that I was regaining some of my energy that
I began to chafe at being in my quarters. The highlight of my morning was
walking to sickbay, being checked over by the doctor, and walking back
to my quarters.

The doctor told me he'd clear me
to have visitors if I felt up to it. Since I was beginning to feel pretty
isolated, I okayed being taken off of the 'no visitors' order he'd placed
on my room. Chakotay had been allowed, but after the total ass I made of
myself in our last conversation, I wasn't sure I wanted to see him. I'd
already scratched Harry off the approved visitors' list so that didn't
leave too many people who might want to see me.

Giving me instructions to continue
to drink plenty of fluids, get lots of rest, etc., the doctor waved me
off. The trip back to my quarters went a little more slowly as my energy
waned rapidly. Once inside, I fell on the couch and dozed off.

Neelix was the first to visit, followed
shortly by B'Elanna, the Captain, Tuvok, Seven (much to my surprise), and
Chakotay, as each took a break on their shifts or went on or off shift.
Although I tired quickly, and most, except Neelix, seemed to notice and
shorten their visit accordingly, it cheered me up to find that I did have
people who cared about me. After Neelix fussed with some food he'd brought
me and entertained me with ship's gossip and stories of little Naomi's
holodeck adventures, I finally had to tell the good hearted man that I
was worn out. I put on a security lock after Seven left and went to bed
for a nap.

Chakotay must have overridden the
lock, much as he had done days earlier, in order to check on me. He was
working on a PADD in my living room when I stumbled out a few hours later.

"Chakotay?"

"Hmm. How are you feeling?"

I thought about it. I hadn't forgotten
yesterday. "Uh . . . a little embarrassed. I'm sorry. I acted like a jerk."

He almost hid his surprise, but I
had specialized since childhood in reading tiny changes in the facial expressions
of those around me and I noticed the quick attempt to cover it up. "Paris,"
he nodded at me neutrally.

"Look, it won't happen again."

"Good. Then let's move past it. How
are you feeling today?"

"Still tired, but not like I've been.
Guess I'm actually getting better." I yawned and realized that one of the
reasons I'd awakened was the pressure to pee. "Um . . . excuse me a minute."

His attention went back to his PADD
and I padded barefoot into the bathroom. I noticed that he must have been
in there because it looked all tidied up and very clean. It hadn't been
like that when I began my nap. I dealt with my pressing needs and cleaned
up.

The face I saw in the mirror still
looked pale and drawn with dark circles under my eyes. Just from the way
my face looked, I could tell I'd lost weight, was perhaps down to what
I'd been when I first came on Voyager four years ago. The time in prison
had not been filled with tasty cuisine nor with much motivation on my part
to eat it, so I was a little on the thin side then. It looked as if I was
back to that low weight. No wonder the doctor was after me to take care
of myself.

A little more alert, I steeled myself
to rejoin Chakotay in the living room.

I guess he, too, must have spent
some time gauging the states of others because he commented, "You look
a little tense."

I paced the small area trying to
figure it out. "I don't understand," I finally blurted out.

Chakotay put down the PADD and gave
me his full attention. "Don't understand what?"

I stopped mid-pace and turned to
face him. "Well. Yesterday, my smart mouth got the better of me and you
were so pissed I thought you were going to hit me. Today you're here, cleaning
up my bathroom, sitting there as if nothing had happened, telling me to
put it behind us. I don't get it."

He frowned as if now it was he who
didn't understand. He shook his head. "Tom, you've apologized, you've said
it won't happen again. You're forgiven. What's so hard to understand?"

I guess we both 'got it' simultaneously
but he indicated I should speak first. "I'm forgiven? That's . . . that
doesn't happen in my experience."

"I hadn't realized, Tom. Your father
never forgave you for anything, did he?"

"No. Never." The admission came slowly.

"And neither Starfleet nor the Federation
were much better." Even as he said that, I waited because I knew there
was more. His eyes were so dark, his face angry. Was he angry with me all
over again? If he was, I wasn't sure I could take it. He had carried a
grudge against me for a long time after Starfleet and Maquis had merged
on Voyager. "It's possible, Tom, for mistakes to be forgiven."

I turned away from him so he couldn't
see the sudden tears that filled my eyes. He wasn't angry with me. He was
talking about forgiveness.

I heard him stand up and walk over
to me. He placed a hand on my shoulder and turned me a little so that we
were face to face. Very softly, he told me, "It can be done."

I knew that all my shields were down
and there was nothing I could do to bring them back on line. He must have
seen the thoughts of Harry that overwhelmed me so much that I was close
to breaking down in front of him.

"Talk about it. I think it'll help.
Come on." He led me over to the couch and I sat there while he pulled up
a chair from the dining table.

I wiped at my eyes and tried to call
up whatever dignity I might be able to salvage. Then I realized that this
guy had seen me throw up, twice, had seen me bare assed, and that he wasn't
going to flee from a few tears. I shrugged. "What . . . what do I do?"

"What does your heart tell you?"

"My heart?" Had I ever been in love
with anyone as much as I had been in love with Harry? "I love him. I miss
him. I'm still mad as hell at him."

Chakotay's chuckle helped me realize
how I sounded. But he didn't tell me I was acting like a five year old.
Instead, he confided, "I've always found it hard to admit when I've made
a mistake. Harry's been trying to do that ever since you punched him on
the holodeck."

"I know. He. . . somehow . . . he
got into sickbay," Chakotay smiled and I realized that *somehow* involved
either human or holographic intervention. "Okay, so . . .anyway, he was
in sickbay and told me."

"What happened?"

"I kept my eyes closed the whole
time. I didn't want to see him."

"But you heard him?"

"Yeah."

"And?" Chakotay prompted.

"I could sort of . . . I mean, it
was inexcusable, but . . . "

"But?"

"I understood, I guess, why he did
it," I acknowledged haltingly.

"So?"

I was torn. Could I really forgive
Harry for what he'd done?

"What's holding you back?" Chakotay
asked.

"I . . . don't know." But I did know.
"He hurt me. It still hurts."

"Is it possible that maybe there's
a bit of pride involved here?"

I thought about it and had to agree,
"Yeah, I guess so. He fooled me, tricked me. I felt so used."

"And being used . . .?"

"Been there, done that."

"So, it's a really sore point with
you. You've been used in the past, and you thought, what? That maybe it
was all behind you? That you'd never have to experience it ever again?
And then it felt as if the past was happening all over?"

Whew, he really knew how to hit me
with all these issues I hadn't realized I still carried with me. My father,
my pride, my being used by others . . . Tears built up again and I turned
my face away while I tried to pull myself together.

"How much of these things does Harry
know? Have you told him much about your past before you signed up with
me in the Maquis? Have you told him about your relationship with your father?"

I shook my head. "No, you probably
know more about me than anyone else on this ship. Maybe Tuvok knows more
because of that mind meld, I don't know . . ." I thought about the Captain
serving with my father. What had he told her about me? I'd been a little
kid, then, he'd probably not said much beyond what a disappointment I was
to him. "Chakotay, I haven't told him anything. I . . . I wanted a new
life here. I didn't think the past was relevant."

"Sometimes the past has a way of
turning up and biting us in the ass."

I wanted to tell him that it wasn't
fair. But there was a faint smile on his face, as if he knew what my reaction
would be. I decided to try to grow up a little without any more prompting
from him. So, instead of protesting against the things I couldn't change,
I asked, "You think I should tell him?"

"I think you and Harry have a great
deal to talk about, Tom. A relationship needs a lot of work and openness
about yourself is one part of that. And I think sometimes with two guys
it's just a lot harder to get around to talking about these important things.
I'm just speculating here, but I don't think we men have much experience
at it. When we have a relationship with a woman, then usually the emotional
issues get brought up because they won't let us get away with 'nothing's
wrong, dear'." We both smiled at his attempt at humor. "Although I guess
a relationship with a woman isn't always insurance that we'll be forced
to open up. I know how things were with you and B'Elanna."

I gave him a somewhat rueful smile,
"Yeah, I was always after her to talk to me. But neither one of us figured
it out, not really."

"Maybe Harry's the one."

"So maybe in between all the hot
sex . . . "

". . . and spankings," he added with
a huge grin that showed off his dimples.

"Okay, don't remind me." I both blushed
and laughed before I turned serious again, "But you're saying, I need to
tell him more about me."

"If he knows you better, he'll know
how you might react to certain things in ways that are different from how
he might react. And, no, I'm not saying what he did was right, but I suspect
he doesn't really understand how it became so important to you that you'd
break up over it."

I hadn't really thought about that
before. I realized that Chakotay had given me a lot to think about. "Thanks.
I . . . uh . . . I appreciate what you've said."

"I'd like that," I told him. Too
flummoxed by all that had transpired, I remained where I sat and let Chakotay
show himself out the door. He didn't seem to mind and gave me a reassuring
grin before he left.

I thought how weird this all was.
There was still something about Chakotay that scared me shitless. The other
day, his verbal tour of the hell I'd go through if I was with him had reinforced
that. On the other hand, he was going out of his way to be helpful. I had
the feeling that he genuinely cared that Harry and I got back together.

I wanted to comm Harry, but something
kept holding me back. As Chakotay had pointed out, maybe there was some
Paris pride involved here. Whatever it was, I knew I couldn't face Harry
yet. So, I put on some vids and lost myself in 20th Century
movie magic. A little "Rocky Horror Picture Show" helped put me in a different
frame of mind. A little time warp, a little muscle man, a lot of Frank'N'Furter
having fun with Brad and Janet, then the comeuppance from Riff Raff as
Frank swam in the pool while all his dreams went away.

As I got up to go to bed, I noticed
a message light on my terminal. Curious, I saw that it was from Harry.
I restrained my first impulse to hit delete and stood indecisive for a
moment. Then I gave in to curiosity and sat down to read his message.

'Tom: all the vids are here. There
is no other copy. I know how upset these made you when I took them and
I thought you would want to have possession of all of the vids to destroy
them or whatever. I didn't want you to wonder what I might be doing with
them. I'm truly sorry, Tom, for everything I've done to hurt you. If you
look at the vids, you'll know I have more to be sorry for than you ever
knew. Harry'

Oh, gods, I cried. As I wiped away
the tears, I scrolled through the vids. They were in reverse order from
when they were taken. As I looked at the first two I realized that these
were taken the night I pretended to be his angel. Only I didn't remember
posing for these. Harry must have set the camera to record after he put
it down. I think my heart stopped for a minute. How could he have done
this to me? How could I have trusted him?

But I was fascinated by the images
on the screen and I couldn't take my eyes away. In reverse order, the first
one showed Harry deeply buried inside me, not that anyone would have known
who it was because only parts of thighs, balls, and cheeks were visible
in the close-up view of this vid. But the angle of the vid made it clear
that there was only one place Harry's cock could be and that was inside
of me. I could see the bottom of his hand on the small part of my own cock
just visible at the top of the picture.

The next vid had him only partly
inside me. I could see the ridge along that large organ as it disappeared
inside the pink skin of my opening. My ass was high enough up so that I
could see the unmarked skin left from the doctor's regeneration. Harry's
ass muscle was tight and bunched from the tension of pressing his cock
into me. Geez, it was beautiful from this angle.

In the third vid, the head of his
cock had just pressed inside my anus. I could see the stretched skin straining
to take it in. Then the next vid showed his full, thick cock just outside
my flaring anus. Clearly, I was prepared for him, the slick lube shone
in the picture, his finger lay to the side, holding me open. Some of the
white silk of the robe had draped itself around my barely seen leg.

I had to look away for a long moment,
my cock had started to throb in brotherhood with Harry's rigid member.
A long, shuddering breath later, I returned to my monitor, one hand in
my lap, one hand controlling the images on the screen.

Next, I saw pictures of three fingers
inside me, a thumb against my balls. As in all the pictures, my legs were
wide apart, pressed back and up against my sides. I remembered that posture,
how stiff I'd felt afterwards, but in the vids there was no sense of the
muscle strain I felt later. In this vid, Harry's huge cock curved upwards,
a beautiful unsupported structure that seemed to rise from his balls like
a romantic sword.

Oh, gods, the next vid showed Harry's
tongue rimming my anus. I didn't even remember that. I had to stop looking
at these images. My cock clearly told me it wanted the real thing, not
the pictures on a screen. It strained for the warmth of Harry's hand. I
let my fingers slide inside my pants, to rest on my hot cock. The tip of
my finger caught the precum forming on my penis and I slid the moisture
down my shaft, a poor lubricant, but all I had unless I moved from the
chair. And I'm not sure anything could have moved me from that chair except
maybe the computer terminal getting up and floating across the room so
that I had to follow it if I wanted to see the next vid.

Compelled beyond any known reason
other than my own heated lust, I returned to the vids. This one was familiar
in terms of my pose. I had opened myself up to his vid and he had taken
at least one close-up, an extreme close-up. My rosy anus filled the view
screen, the lower quarter of my balls hanging like ornaments at the very
top of the picture.

I reversed the direction of the vids
and played them from that point forward, my hand stroking inside my pants
as the pictures replayed the way Harry had made love to me. When the first
vid came up with Harry concealed so deeply inside me, I pulled on my cock
and came, spurting into my hand and pants.

Afterwards, I slumped back in the
chair, eyes closed, the vids vividly displayed inside my head. Oh, Harry,
I thought. That night I had felt so deeply loved. Had it all been a fake
on his part?

I thought I'd quickly scroll through
the rest of the vids because I needed to get out of my sticky pants and
into a cold shower. I also needed to sleep. But then I saw that the previous
set of pictures came from Thanksgiving. Once again, I found he'd taken
pictures of which I'd had no knowledge. This time, I saw myself across
the table, the skirts of the pilgrim dress high on my back, my bare ass
glowing red, a trickle of cum visible on one cheek. Harry had just fucked
me to where I had no rigid bones left in my body. There were other vids,
me backed against the wall, the skirts in my hands, his mouth on my cock,
his hand disappearing between my legs. My expression was as if I was no
longer in this world.

Then, there were the pictures I remembered,
me standing there totally embarrassed in the full Pilgrim outfit. I studied
the vid for a moment. Maybe an hour before these had been taken, Harry
had spanked me hard and then fucked me on the couch. The look on my face
in this photo showed that, although embarrassed, I was still in some kind
of dreamy state.

Oh, geez, he must have replicated
the vid camera a lot earlier than I thought he had. He must have programmed
it to follow the two of us and take pictures at fixed intervals, or perhaps
he programmed it to take pictures to the sounds of moans. There I was,
across his lap, my ass a bright red, my shorts bunched around my knees,
his hand raised high in the air. The resolution on the picture was so sharp
I could see the butt plug in my ass. My heart stopped. I’m not sure what
got it going again. Maybe it was the deep, very ragged breaths I took that
kicked it up.

Several more photos showed Harry’s
hand landing on my ass. The last one in this series must have been taken
after the second time his palm hit me as only two pink handprints showed
up on my otherwise pale cheeks.

I could feel my cock stirring restlessly
in my already sticky pants. Seeing the spanking from this angle . . . It
was so real, so tangible. My bottom began to feel warm as I reversed the
scroll to go back through the series. I wiggled in my chair and knew how
much I wanted to feel that hand on my bare backside again. My cock agreed,
surging once again against the restraining cloth of my sweat pants. What
was I going to do?

A sex crazed voice inside my head
told me to comm Harry and tell him to get his ass over here as quickly
as possible, paddle optional. But a saner voice told me to let it go for
tonight, take a cold shower, and sleep on it. Ass and cock protested as
I turned off the vids. But my head told me what I'd just seen, no matter
how hot, meant Harry had betrayed me all along. Why had he done this? It
felt as if my heart was breaking all over again.

I didn't know what to do with the
vids. Harry'd kept them under encryption and I knew I should do the same.
No telling who might help themselves to my computer, I thought as I worked
out an encryption scheme.

I sure as hell wasn't going to delete
them.

The cold shower worked as planned
and, exhausted by the day, I fell on my bed and was asleep almost as soon
as my head touched the pillow.

End Part 8

Title: Tom's 12 Dark Days of Christmas

Author: Judy

Series: VOY

Part: NEW 9/ 12

Rating: NC-17

Codes: P/K; C

For summary, disclaimers and warning,
see part 1. Please do not read this part if

you have not read the warning.

Part 9

Day 10 January 3

I spent the morning, after my obligatory
session with the doctor, wondering what to do about Harry. For awhile yesterday
I'd wanted to ask him if we could get back together. Then I'd seen the
additional vids he'd taken without my knowledge. Last night I'd been conflicted
because they turned me on. But morning brought a somewhat different perspective.
Those were such intimate pictures and it really upset me to think he'd
never said a word about them, never asked me if it would be okay. Damn
him!

As if Harry knew I was thinking about
him, he had the nerve to comm me. "Tom? It's Harry. I'm going on break
soon, could we . . . could we talk? Tom?"

I wasn't sure what to say. I stood
looking out my window at the starfield.

"Tom? Please?"

His voice cracked and, in my mind,
I saw us together in the vids, the love we'd shared. It couldn't all have
been a fake on his part, could it? "Yeah. Okay."

He arrived in five minutes and I
went to the door to let him in. His appearance stunned me. He looked terrible.
I just stood there openmouthed as he likewise stood taking me in. There
was a shocked look on his face to match mine.

"Tom? What. . . .?"

The door finally swished shut as
he entered the room.

"Yeah, well you don't look so great
yourself."

"The doctor said you were still convalescing,
but otherwise okay. I'm not so sure..."

"I'm all right. Just . . .tired a
lot." I went over to the replicator. "Want something?"

"No, thanks. Well, not from the replicator."
He took a deep breath and I found myself staring at his dark eyes. "Tom.
Can't we get past all this? I screwed up. I never meant to hurt you."

"Yeah, and that was a lovely little
surprise you left for me on my computer." The surge of anger that surfaced
as I thought about those vids ended up as a phaser-like pain in my heart.
"Why?"

He spread his hands, palms upturned,
and shook his head, the dark hair swinging slightly. "I shouldn't have
done that. I am so sorry, Tom."

"Is there anything else I'm going
to find out that you haven't told me?" Although he hadn't answered my first
question, I was too bent on quizzing him further to insist on an answer.

He looked ready to cry, "Just that
I love you so much. Tom. . . I always thought that if we broke up it'd
be because of something you did . . . "

"Gee, thanks, Harry," but I knew
what he meant. My track record on Voyager for long term relationships was
about six months max, and that one with B'Elanna was an outlier. Harry
had told me once that he didn't want me sabotaging our relationship. I'd
believed it would be me, too. "Yeah, same here."

"You'd what, Harry? Not spank me?
Not fuck me? What would you do differently?" Some of the anger had crept
back into my voice.

"I wouldn't take pictures of us .
. . at least not without asking you first. And I wouldn't rig any bets.
But I'd still get off on seeing you in those costumes." He looked directly
at me, and in a low voice, added, "I'd still want to slide inside of you
and make love to you until you didn't know who you were or where you were.
If you wanted, I'd still want to take my hand to your bare backside. And,
Tommy," he paused to see if he had my attention. He did. "I'd still love
you like no one else ever has."

There was a vehemence in his tone,
his whole body strained toward me, his eyes implored me to believe him.
I was wavering. His last sentence hit home. No one else had ever loved
me like he did, or like I thought he did. Subdued, I chewed a bit on my
lips, "I don't know what to believe."

"I understand. What can I do to make
you trust me?"

"I don't know." And I didn't know.
"What you did, those weren't the acts of some one who loved some one."
Please tell me how they were acts of love, I begged silently.

His shoulders slumped and he made
a futile motion toward me. "Tom?"

I could get lost in his sadness,
it mirrored my own so much. He seemed to reach inside himself, to come
to some decision. I wondered what he was going to say and waited for him
to figure it out.

Sighing, he ran a hand through his
hair. "Tommy, I did those vids out of fear."

"Fear?" I really didn't understand.

"Yeah. I feared I'd lose you. Hell,
I was sure that would happen. I wanted to have something . . . something
that would last after you were gone. And in that fear I didn't think it
through. I just didn't think . . . "

Oh, shit, what was I hearing? It
sounded like me after Caldik Prime. And I'd *only* caused the deaths of
three people. I'd lied because I was afraid and I hadn't thought it through.
I'd wanted to retain the love of my family and when I finally told the
truth I completely lost my father. Was that what I was doing to Harry?
Reenacting my father's rejection because someone I loved didn't live up
to my expectations?

"Tommy?"

"Yeah?"

"What . . . what are you thinking?
Is there any chance?"

Tears cascaded down my cheeks. I
felt determined not to be the unforgiving bastard that my father had been.
Choking, I managed to tell him, "Yeah, there's a chance."

A smile lit up his face and then
he was crying in my arms as we hugged each other, both of us in tears.
Of course, the Paris luck kicked in and his comm badge chirped. "Ensign,
this is Chakotay. Are you planning to return?"

I spoke up, trying to get the tears
out of my voice. "Hey, Commander, can someone else finish his shift?"

There was a moment of silence as
I guess Chakotay tried to find out if someone could relieve Harry at Ops.
Harry hissed at me, "You didn't need to do that. And he's never gonna agree
to it."

I shrugged and thought of keeping
the suspense going, but honesty won out. "He wants us to get back together."

"He does?"

"Yeah."

"How do you know?" there was just
a hint of suspicion in Harry's voice.

"He told me."

During this conversation we'd stepped
apart. He moved toward me to close the distance and I held up my hand.
"Let's take this slowly, Harry, okay?"

"Afraid of me?"

"No." Well, maybe a little. I didn't
want to be hurt again. "Look. We need to talk."

Harry gave a deep sigh. "All right."

I found my favorite seat on the couch
and Harry took a place neither too far nor too close to me. I opened up
with, "I know I said we need to talk. It's just not easy for me."

"For me either. But I want to know
if you're taking me back, if there are any strings attached, what the ground
rules are . . ."

"Hey. One thing at a time." He seemed
ready to hang on my every word. "Yes, I guess I am asking if you'll come
back. And, yeah, there's gotta be some ground rules."

"I think so, too."

Okay, Harry agreed with me. But did
we want the same thing? "I need to know that you won't betray me, my trust
in you, again. You know? No surprises."

"You have it."

He spoke the words too quickly. I
wanted him to know that he couldn’t take this promise lightly. "This is
important to me, Harry. I've damn near destroyed my life with my own lies,
I know how easy it is to do, and I also know how no lie ever remains undetected.
When they come out . . . there's hell to pay."

He ducked his head and a flush spread
across his dusky skin. "I know. I am so sorry I hurt you. I can't believe
I did it. I mean, I love you so much."

I took a deep breath. "You know I
lied to Starfleet about Caldik Prime and that when I told the truth I was
cashiered out." He nodded and seemed to wonder where I was going with this.
"What I haven't told you is how much I hurt my family, especially my father.
He didn't even come to my court martial. We hadn't been on good terms before
the court martial, but that . . . it was like I knew I'd never be accepted
by him, loved by him, again."

Harry made the connection with our
own situation. "Is that why you're willing to take me back?"

"I'm willing to give us another chance.
But I am worried that I could be hurt again." I dropped my voice when I
added, "I don't think I could take that."

"Tom, I promise. I will do my best
not to hurt you again. I never meant to hurt you in the first place."

"'Kay."

Looking into his troubled face, I
knew he meant what he said. But if something came up, would he remember
these words? I sighed and hoped so. There was something else I needed to
tell him about me. As I tried to do it, I began to stumble all over my
words. "I . . . uh . . . there's . . . I want to tell you more. If you
know, maybe you'll . . . I don't know . . . figure out how important all
this is to me."

Although he was silent, he nodded
his head as if in encouragement. Still, I wondered if I could tell him
the rest. Without meeting his eyes, I made an attempt at it. "After I left
Starfleet, when I drifted around the Alpha Quadrant, I was nothing more
than a drunk and worse. You met the drunk that I was," he had met a *me*
in an alternate universe who had missed the chance that Voyager had offered
me. "What I never told you, and I guess you never knew, was that . . .
" I stopped talking, not sure I could go on.

"It's all right, Tommy," he said
softly. My hand had settled on the back of the couch. He stroked along
my fingers and the back of my hand with his own, more blunt fingers. "You
don't have to say anything."

"I think I do. If there aren't going
to be any surprises from you, then there can't be any from me either."

"I'm not asking for that."

"But it's important."

"Okay," he agreed. "And, you're right.
It is important. I wouldn't appreciate any surprises either."

"The thing is, your fears about me
leaving you are well founded." I saw him flinch from my words and I hastened
to explain. "You've seen me go through half the people on this ship, well,
maybe not quite that many, but I haven't lasted in a relationship with
any one. And I tried with B'Elanna, I really did."

"I know you did, Tom." He seemed
relieved that I wasn't planning on leaving him.

"So. Just from what you saw of me
on the ship, you'd have to be crazy to think you'd be in a relationship
with me for any length of time." I took a deep breath and studied my lap.
"One of the people killed at Caldik Prime was . . . someone I loved. I
felt so guilty. And I went into a period of time where I was . . . promiscuous?
. . . no, worse, I started out a slut and ended up a whore."

There, I'd said it. I dared to look
at him. His eyes told me he was dumbfounded. "I'd heard the rumors. . .
but I didn't think they were true."

"They were. I was drinking too much,
I had no resources, I couldn't get hired on as a pilot, and I . . . sold
myself."

He shook his head as if he didn't
want to believe it. I wished I hadn't lived it. I'd also like to believe
it had never happened. Painfully, I knew all too well that it had.

I felt as if I might be risking everything
with Harry with that revelation. But I didn't want another relationship
where the other person had no idea who I really was. It might be better
to be alone than wondering if the other could really accept me, past and
all. Despite that brave thought, I didn't want to be alone. I was never
very good alone. I needed Harry. And here I was, telling him his lover
was a whore.

"I'm sorry," I said, miserable with
the thought that he was going to get up and slam out of my cabin, disgusted
and sick at the images I'd given him.

"That must have been awful for you,"
he consoled me. "Oh, Tommy, I can't imagine how you could have lived through
that."

Harry seemed to understand, still
seemed to care about me . . . I lost it and just started sobbing. Harry
reached over and rubbed his hand along the back of my shoulders, then he
pulled me to him and I cried against his chest. When I finally came back
to myself, I told him, "Thank you. I don't deserve you, Harry."

"Sh-h, it's all right. You're still
the same Tom Paris I fell in love with. Had my life gone differently .
. . "

"You never would have done what I
did," I assured him.

He didn't contradict me, but gave
me big hug. "But . . .what about the Maquis?"

Harry was inviting me to share the
rest of my story. So, I gave him an abbreviated version. "Chakotay heard
about me, met my price. And I didn't have to sleep with him or anyone else
to get the job. But, I had to sober up enough to fly, and I did. Just enough."

"You sound so bitter."

"Just basically pissed at myself
for being such a jerk."

"Is that why you're telling me all
this? To let me know that I'm somehow not alone in being a jerk?"

I gave a half smile, "You could say
that. But I'm also telling you that you had good reasons, even if you weren't
aware of them, you must have sensed something, to know that I wasn't good
relationship material." That didn't come out very coherently. "I'm trying
to say your fear was legitimate. You should fear being in a relationship
with me. I'm sorry we never talked about this stuff before. When we got
together, somehow I just wanted a chance at a fresh start. You know? No
baggage from the past. But someone told me the past can come back and bite
you in the ass. I think he was right."

"Maybe so. But now I hope we can
both have that, the fresh start, you know, for both of us." He was taking
things awfully well. Then he admitted, "Even taking into account the fear
I felt that I would lose you, it doesn't excuse the things I did."

"Damn right," I agreed.

His eyebrows quirked up and then
he smiled when he realized that I was grinning at him. "Yeah. So. Is there
anything else I should know?"

"Lots of stuff, Harry, but maybe
we could take a break from all this talking. I'm not . . . used to this."

"It's making you uncomfortable?"

"I don't really feel as if I know
what I'm doing. I mean, if this relationship were a starship, I'd know
what to do when the controls went down, or whatever, but . . . "

"Hey, Tommy, you're not alone there."
He sounded angry, but I realized it was with himself. "All because of my
own actions, I've been afraid that I'd totally lost the most important
relationship in my life."

I looked away from him. "Maybe you'd
be better off if you had."

"How can you keep saying things like
that?"

"Didn't you hear what I said about
myself?"

"Well, it doesn't matter to me. I
love you. I wouldn't let Cavit and the others tell me who to be friends
with, I wouldn't let the Akriterian prison kill you, and I won't let your
past get between us. And for my part, I won't jeopardize our future by
acting behind your back ever again."

"Oh." It sounded so good, everything
I wanted to hear. Could this terrible week be over now? A nagging voice
in my head said that this was too easy. But, I remembered Harry standing
fiercely over my dying body in that stinking Akriterian prison, waving
a pipe at anyone who dared to try to hurt me. Before we were lovers, we
were best friends and he had protected me many times as best he could.
I fell into his arms and cried, "Oh, Harry. Harry. I love you, I've missed
you."

He hugged me to him and we both had
a good cry. Never mind that guys in the 24th Century didn't
do that sort of thing.

Sometime later, he brought me a wet
cloth and gently wiped my face, kissing my forehead as he did so. His kisses
traveled down my face to settle on my mouth. Hungry for him, I returned
the kiss. I felt his hands roam under my shirt. "Ouch."

"Hmm?"

"Your hair is starting to grow in,"
Harry complained.

"Uh, yeah, I guess so." That Christmas
Eve illness had been so bad, the doctor had removed my chest and pubic
hair to create a sterile field. Harry had liked it. I hadn't minded, but
the hairs growing in now were like little razor blades. "Don't stop."

"We're going to have to do something
about these hairs." He left me on the couch and went to the replicator.
When he came back he had a tube of something in his hand and a damp towel
over his arm. Somehow, I didn't think he had lube with him.

He took off my shirt and then knelt
on the floor beside me. "Here. Lie down." Once I complied, he warmed the
cream and then smeared it on my chest and used the towel to wipe it off,
taking the hairs with the cream. It felt strangely sensual, a slight tingle,
the warm towel smoothing over my skin.

I closed my eyes and let him do it.
His hands pulled at the waistband of my pants, opening them, pulling them
and my shorts off my hips as I lifted up to help. He slid a hand up and
down my thigh and my legs fell apart, opening for him. He smoothed more
cream over my abdomen down to my groin. The warm towel gently wiped the
hairs away. As he worked the cream around my balls and penis, I moved my
hips to accommodate his ministrations. When he finished, he nestled his
face between my legs, and I let one leg drop to the floor widening the
distance between my thighs.

When I'd agreed to meet, I hadn't
thought we would end up having sex. Where was my anger? My self-righteous
victimhood? I don't know. This was Harry. His seduction drew me in. Somewhere
about the time he said, 'Lie down', I knew I was going to follow wherever
he led. I wanted him and I wanted to feel him want me.

His mouth and lips heated my skin
with constant kisses and my cock began to stir. His tongue darted out and
licked each ball. Then the tongue moved lower and stroked at my anus. I
think I heard moaning and I think it was me, but I was rapidly losing myself
under his probing tongue. One hand rearranged my legs, opening me even
wider to his care. His other hand slid across my smooth chest, rubbing
and stroking as I moved beneath them.

Then I realized he was no longer
doing any of those things. In protest, I groaned and opened my eyes. "Harry
. . . "

"No. Wait. I want to know if you
want this."

I was a little slow, after all, my
body was nearly on fire with desire for him. "Huh?"

His voice was patient. I guess he
knew he'd reduced me to a babbling idiot. "Tommy, listen to me. Do you
want to me go on?"

"If you don't go on, I'm breaking
up with you for good."

He laughed with me, then leaned over
my face and kissed me hard. Breaking free for air, he said, "I'll take
that as a yes."

"Yes," I whispered. "Yes."

He pulled me to my feet as I made
protesting noises to no avail. "Bed."

Sounded good to me, except we'd have
to start all over again. As we stood at the side of the bed, he placed
a hand on my ass. It was warm and firm against my flesh. "Lie down, face
down."

When he used that stern tone of voice,
I just about trembled under his touch. I found a spot in the middle of
the bed and lay there looking back and up at him as he took off his clothes.
His body was as beautiful as I remembered, maybe a little thinner, but
those broad shoulders and narrow waist spoke to me of power and beauty.
The dark thatch of hair that launched his cock was as inviting as it was
aroused. I wanted him badly.

"Harry, please."

His weight shifted the mattress under
me and I shivered as he began to slide kisses down my spine, his fingers
now playing across the moving mounds of my bottom. Oh, gods, how I'd missed
this. He rose up on his knees and kneaded my ass cheeks. His firm fingers
dug in and reshaped my flesh to conform to his own vision of how my ass
should look. One firm hand slid between my crack and I vibrated under his
touch. He thrust my legs apart, my ass rising a bit. His fingers rubbed
up and down my crack, over my anus, down to my balls.

He paused for what seemed like hours,
but had to be only moments, to snatch the lube from the bedside drawer.
His slick fingers returned and retraced their path, deepening each time
they encountered my opening. Soon there was a finger digging deeper and
deeper, a thumb stroking the tender skin.

He worked at the anal sphincter muscle,
coaxing it into relaxing and into admitting additional fingers. I pushed
back on his hand and received a sharp slap from his other hand. "Don't.
Let me do this."

Oh, that set my cock to attention
and it was all that I could do not to respond forcefully to the fingers
in my ass. But he wanted to direct this and I wanted to let him.

The fingers had worked their will
and I was loosened and ready for him when he braced the head of his cock
against me. "Yes, yes," I moaned. He slid home and I felt the incredible
fullness, heat, and depth of him as he went past the burning and initial
resistance. I wanted this so much. But I let him set the rhythm, knowing
this was how he wanted to do it. After a few gentle strokes in and out,
his lips nibbled against my neck. I felt his hands guiding my hips up and
back as I let my body become his for the taking.

He may have said more, but it was
lost in the strong thrusts of his cock inside my body. He rocked our bodies
together, forward and back, pounding into me almost furiously until the
sweat poured off our backs. One hand left my wet hip and found my straining
cock. He pulled and I went off, just like that. I felt the orgasm rip through
me. My internal muscles spasmed around his buried cock. Oh, gods, help
me, he practically pommeled me down onto the bed. Then he held still for
a moment just before he spurted over and over inside me.

Harry collapsed on my back, locked
inside by what little life remained within his cock. He kissed my face
right by my ear as he rolled off and lay stretched out beside me, one hand
in possession of an ass cheek that I decided had his name on it. In my
mind, I gave it up to him to do with as he wished.

I drifted off to sleep, content in
a way that I hadn't been in a long time.

End Part 9

Title: Tom's 12 Dark Days of Christmas

Author: Judy

Series: VOY

Part: NEW 10/12

Rating: NC-17

Codes: P/K; C

For summary, disclaimers and warning,
see part 1. Please do not read this part if you have not read the warning.

Part 10

Day 10 Continued

I didn't wake up until hours later
where I found myself alone and covered with a blanket, the lights dimmed.
I didn't hear Harry but I had the feeling that he was still around somewhere.
My ass felt sore, but the general feeling of well being more than compensated
for that slight discomfort. Okay, maybe it was more than slight, but, damn,
I was happy. We'd worked it out, everything was going to be all right now.

I put on some clothes and realized
that Harry must have cleaned me up because I didn't feel sticky like I
would have expected otherwise. When I shuffled out into the living room,
I found him on the couch, PADD in hand. My heart leapt at the sight of
how good he looked. He'd put on a pair of old sweats he'd left in my quarters
and which I hadn't bothered to return to him.

"Harry?"

When he looked up, he gave me a warm,
welcoming smile that spread its warmth right through me. "Tommy, how was
your nap?"

His grin was infectious. "Great.
I feel great." And I did. The nagging tiredness I hadn't been able to throw
off was gone. I felt like *me* for the first time in over a week. "I think
I'm hungry."

There was a gleam to his eyes as
he said, "I imagine I could find something for you to . . . eat?"

"Yes." I felt almost lost in the
depths of those glinting eyes. "Yes." I could almost taste his cum, the
image of going down on him was so vivid.

"Well, how about if we restock with
real food first?" He knew exactly what I wanted. "Maybe dessert instead?"

Anything, I thought. Just let me
touch you, just tell me you want me, just tell me it's safe. As if reading
my mind, he rose from the couch, leaving the PADD behind and came over
to my side. The kiss he gave me was almost enough to knock me off my feet.
"I love you, Tom, it'll be okay now. You'll see."

We ate a light dinner, talked some
about the ship and its people, and, true to his word, he let me have the
dessert that could only come from his body. Then he returned the favor
and sucked me off so hard I almost passed out. The fears I'd experienced
earlier, when I'd told him a little about my past, melted away. He still
loved me, still wanted me. In the sated contentment that followed our lovemaking,
I thought back to when I believed there was almost nothing I wouldn't do
for him. That feeling had returned.

****

Day 11 January 4

My ass woke up before I did. Someone's
fingers were playing around that ass, someone's lips were nuzzling against
my throat, and someone's voice was murmuring my name. As I stretched, I
moved right onto his fingers, pulling them inside me. I moaned and tightened
my muscles around them. The musky scent of sex talked to me. Arousal whispered
my name and my cock throbbed under me.

Even though he didn't say anything,
Harry acted as if he knew that I was awake. His body moved on top of me,
his nuzzlings increased as he sucked my neck to the point of bruising.
It didn't hurt, it felt more like a fiery breath had claimed me and made
me his. As Harry's body pressed down on mine, I could feel his strong cock
poking between my legs. His knees spread my legs apart, the one hand still
busy inside me, the other stroking down my back. When he had me pleading
and begging for him to fuck me, he used both hands to flip me onto my back
and very quickly lifted my legs onto his shoulders. His cock pushed to
my entrance, then entered me smoothly.

Oh, gods, I was still sore from last
night. He must have seen me wince, because he paused, breathing heavily,
waiting for me to be ready. Finally, the soreness eased and I nodded, mouthing,
"Do it, do it."

He kissed my lips, his tongue inside
my mouth just as his cock was inside my ass. I groaned at the incredible
sensations of being doubly taken. He rose up and then thrust downwards,
his cock stroking deeply inside me. He did it again and again, going deeper
with each jolt. Then the rhythm changed, became wild and supercharged as
he lost himself to all his instincts and hormones.

And I became lost myself in the pommeling
frenzy that joined us together. My own cock spoke up for itself, begging
for release. But when my hand reached for it, Harry batted my hand away
and placed his own firmly around my eager cock. I heard a growl-like sound,
"Mine."

I should have known by now. Harry
liked to control the timing. And when I let him, it always felt like my
own orgasm was more intense, more charged. My hands fell to the sheets,
grabbing them into my fists. My body strained upwards to bounce my pelvis
against his. Oh, gods, he kept hammering into me, all the while pulling
on my cock, until I screamed from the incredible intensity, my cum spurting
into his hand, onto my chest. My orgasm imprisoned him within me. His pulses
tightened until, crying as loudly as I had, Harry came in waves that almost
brought my spent cock back to life.

"Me too." I couldn't put together
more energy than it took to utter those two words.

"How's your ass?" he asked at length.

I laughed. "Sore."

"How sore?"

I shrugged, "Just sore."

Harry rolled over and rose up on
his elbows to peer down at my face. "Don't lie, Tommy."

I was a little annoyed at his accusation.
"Hey. It's my ass."

Softly, he said, "No, it's mine.
Remember?"

There was a huge grin on his face
and I grinned in return. "Okay, it's yours."

"Let me get the regenerator."

I protested, "Harry."

"No," he shushed me with a finger
to my mouth. "It's the right thing to do. I don't want you to be so sore
that we can't do this again . . . say at lunch?"

"That's a promise I'll hold you to."
I leaned up to kiss him, the protest gone.

After a quick shower and breakfast,
Harry went off to report to his shift. As he prepared to leave, I felt
a little guilty that we hadn't talked more. There was still the whole matter
of what kind of relationship we would have now. But I didn't dwell on it.
After all, we had lots of time ahead of us. Happily, I walked to sickbay
to keep my appointment with the doctor. He smirked more than usual. "So,
how are we this morning?"

"*We* are fine." I submitted to his
scans and answered his questions. And I ended up pleased to hear him tell
me that I faced only one more day of rest and then I could go back on limited
duty. My pleasure went away when he told me I could report for a half shift
in sickbay. He said he wanted to see how I would hold up before he let
me back on bridge duty. I think he just liked to torture me.

As I prepared to leave, he gave me
his parting shot. "Try not to tire yourself out in bed, Lt."

I just laughed. "Gee. How would I
do that?"

"It's not hard to tell that Ensign
Kim must be back in your life. You've been positively bubbly this morning."
I couldn't erase the grin from my face if I tried. "I am surprised, if
I do say so myself, at how pleased I am at this turn of events."

Oh, well. Even the doc's good wishes
were about himself. On my way out the door, I just said, "Thanks, doc."

****

When Harry showed up at lunch time,
it was not the Harry I was expecting who burst through my door. I'd heard
the door swish open and closed but was busy at the replicator, "Hey, Harry."

When I turned around, I realized
Harry was angry, almost livid. "When were you going to tell me, huh? All
that talk about honesty, and no surprises! What was it, just a good old
Paris line? Huh, Tom?"

I backed away from his anger, totally
confused. What had I done? What was he so upset about? He never actually
touched me but his rage was so intense I felt it come at me in waves. I
backed up against my wall, pinned there by the hot anger in his eyes. "Harry?
I don't . . . "

"You're going to stand there and
deny it? Is that your plan? Just add more lies on top of lies?"

I shook my head, really shaken and
not knowing what he was going on about. "Harry, I don't know what you're
talking about. Please . . ."

"*Please* what?"

"Tell me what this is all about."

He spit the name out. "Chakotay."

I blinked. "Chakotay?"

"Did you like sleeping with him?
How did he do you?" Harry's voice was incredibly bitter.

Okay, now at least I could respond.
"Chakotay and I have never slept together. Never, Harry. I don't know how
you got that idea. But it's not true."

"You're lying!"

"I'm not lying. I'm not!" I was feeling
desperate to get through to him. "Harry, let's talk about this. I don't
know how you could accuse me of me sleeping with him. I never did." However,
in my mind, the terrible knowledge that I'd come on to him made me feel
guilty. And Harry must have seen that.

"Then why are you looking so guilty?
Huh, Tom?"

I flushed. "Harry, we didn't sleep
together. That's the truth. I don't know why you think we did."

"He spent a lot of time here, he
was seen coming out of this room with a hard on. So what was going on?"

Oh, shit. I tried a little offense.
"Harry, if we'd been fucking, do you think he'd have left here with a hard
on?"

"Chakotay came back. He spent a lot
of time in here. Just you and him."

"He was looking after me. We talked.
A lot of the time, I was asleep and he was just cleaning up and waiting
until I woke up. Nothing happened between us."

Harry seemed to calm down a little.
And I found myself beginning to breathe again. "Nothing happened?"

Now I had a decision to make. Lie
to him or confess my own indiscretion? Seeing his jealous rage made me
wonder if telling him would be such a good idea. But I had promised not
to surprise him in return for him not surprising me. "We never had sex,
we never kissed, he never touched me in any kind of intimate way, I never
touched him. Okay?" I watched him process that and saw his reluctant acceptance.
He moved away and I felt as if I had been unpinned from the wall. A little
warily, I moved around him and headed over to the couch. "There is something."

"What?"

"He knows a lot, Harry."

"Yeah?" Harry sat down on one of
the dining chairs not too far from me. The chair positioned him higher
than me and I had the feeling that maybe I was still pinned. "What do you
mean, *he knows a lot*?"

"About . . . about the way we've
been, I mean, he could . . . he could probably help us out in . . . staying
out of trouble."

"What are you talking about?"

"I asked him about stuff, and he
told me what it would be like. You know, if he was . . . if he and I .
. .but that's all he did. He just talked." Could I be more uncomfortable?

Harry was shaking his head. He was
still suspicious. "So, Chakotay came on to you?"

"No." I knew I had to tell him and
get it out in the open. I didn't want to go around feeling guilty about
my stupid actions with Chakotay. Sighing heavily, I owned up. "I came on
to him."

"Dammit! I knew something went on!
I knew it!" He blew up again. Rising violently to his feet, Harry yanked
on the chair to get it out of his way. His anger took him back and forth
across the room.

"Nothing happened," I said for the
umpteenth time. "Harry, please, stop and listen to me. Yeah, I acted like
a jerk, he called me on it, and he left. I'm sorry."

He didn't speak for awhile, just
paced, his eyes flicking over to me where I sat tensed on the couch.

I risked saying something, "Harry,
please, I don't want to lose you over this."

Finally, the pacing stopped. When
he looked at me I could see the pain behind the anger. "You wanted to cheat
on me?"

I shook my head. "That wasn't it.
I thought we were over for good."

"So in a few days time you get over
me and throw yourself at Chakotay?"

"No."

"Yeah, right," his derision hurt.
"How'd you come on to him? Did you drop your pants? Did you try to go down
on him? Did you call upon all your past experiences as a . . . " he stopped
just short of calling me a whore. He didn't have to use the word. I knew
he was thinking it. "What? What did you do?"

I swallowed my hurt. I hated for
him to think of me in that way, but I was the one who'd come on to the
commander. I guess I deserved his scorn. I wondered if I told Harry more
about what transpired if it would help, if he'd believe me. "I smiled at
him."

That startled Harry enough to break
into his anger. "You smiled at him?"

"Yeah," I risked a grin. "It was
a big come on. He couldn't handle the Tom Paris wattage." I turned serious
and conceded, "He damn near smacked me for it."

"Chakotay hit you?"

"No. But I think he wanted to."

"Because you smiled at him." I shrugged.
"And that's what happened?"

"Everything." Harry shook his head
as if he was having trouble believing it all.

"You smiled at Chakotay and he got
mad enough to want to hit you?" He mulled that over a bit more. I watched
carefully as all the anger deflated. He laughed a little. "Damn. He's not
alone."

"What do you mean?" I asked in mock
innocence.

"How many times have you turned some
Tom Paris grin on me and I wanted to smack you one?"

"You did?" Then I thought about it
and joked, "Yeah, well, you've had a few opportunities, haven't you?"

"You mean all the times I've smacked
you on that perfect bare ass of yours?"

The way he spoke made my cock jump.
Oh, yeah. I wondered if I looked hopeful.

"Tonight, Tommy." His words carried
a charged threat. He came over to me, pulled me into his arms. "I'm sorry
I was such a hot head."

I let him kiss me and then I kissed
him back. "Well, I'm sorry there's stories out there about me and Chakotay.
But you believe me, don't you?"

"That nothing happened?" He kissed
me on the nose. "I believe you."

He sighed and I asked, "But?"

"I wish you hadn't come on to him."

"Me too." And I meant it. "Harry,
it won't happen again. I promise."

His gaze was searching and I don't
know if he found what he was looking for. However, his hand caressed the
side of my head, petting my hair from my forehead on around to the back
of my head. I took that as a good sign.

His arms hugged me for a bit more
and then I pulled away. "You don't have much time before you have to go
back, do you?"

"Not enough," there was real regret
in his tone. "How about some actual lunch?"

"As opposed to . . . ?" I let the
suggestion linger. I got a playful swat on the rear for my troubles.

"Lunch," he reiterated firmly.

"Okay, okay." I wanted to make love.
I wanted to erase all that anger and suspicion. I thought if I could take
him in my arms and kiss him all over and let him take my body in any way
he wanted to that we could right the scene we'd just had. But there really
were only a few minutes left to his break. So I replicated a sandwich and
a glass of milk for each of us. He ate hurridly, gave me a quick kiss,
a quick grab to my ass, and then he was gone.

I felt totally drained and thoroughly
shaken by what had happened. I made it to the couch, lay down, and trembled
under the blanket until I fell asleep.

****

The annoying chirp of the comm system
intruded on my nap. I wanted to bat it away, shut it off if I could. But
it kept chirping.

"Paris," I answered, giving it my
best long suffering sound.

"This is Chakotay. I'm calling from
my ready room. Are you all right?"

"Um . . . I don't know. I was asleep."

"It took you a long time to answer."

"Okay." If that's what happened,
who was I to argue. "What . . .? What can I do for you, Commander?"

"I wondered if I could be of any
help."

"In what way?"

"Harry showed up this morning looking
as if he wanted to tear my head off. When he returned from lunch, he seemed
only marginally better. I thought you two had made up?"

I sighed. "We did. Look, I don't
feel comfortable talking to you about this over the comm."

"Shall I see you in your quarters?"

Remembering Harry's jealousy, I didn't
think it would be wise if he happened to find us together in my quarters,
no matter how innocent the meeting. "Uh, no. Maybe we could meet in the
mess hall. I think I'm up for a little walk outside of my quarters."

Chakotay must have understood and
agreed to meet in the mess hall in ten minutes. The timing allowed me to
clean up some. I even put on a uniform for the meeting. Might as well make
it look official.

When I put on the uniform, I was
surprised at how loosely it fit. I knew I didn't look very healthy, but
somehow having that uniform hang on me made it hit home. I arrived before
Chakotay and easily found a seat in the almost deserted room. Neelix had
been working behind the counter and bustled out to see me.

"Tom, my oh my, it is so good to
see you. Can I get you anything?"

"Hi, Neelix, thanks. A cup of coffee?"

By the time Neelix returned with
the coffee, Chakotay had arrived. He asked for a cup of hot tea and we
exchanged small talk until Neelix had completed his mission and returned
behind the counter for the foreseeable future.

"So. Chakotay."

"Tom. What's going on?"

I shrugged. "Harry heard some stuff
. . . that we'd spent a lot of time together, that you left my quarters
with a . . . " I almost said the words 'hard on' but translated the phrase
into something more respectable. " a . . . certain amount of physiological
arousal. He was upset."

"Tom, I hope you set him straight.
And by the way, I never left your cabin in 'that state'."

"Glad to hear it. Yeah, I set him
straight. But I also confessed that I'd come on to you. And I told him
that pissed you off. So, I think he's a little mad at me now."

"I'll say this about you, Paris,
you've got a lot of guts."

I gave a snort. "Yeah, and no brains."

"Why did you tell him what you'd
done?"

This time I shrugged. "I don't know.
I guess . . . maybe to even things out. He did stuff to hurt me, I did
stuff to hurt him. Maybe we're even."

Chakotay just shook his head, then
took a sip of his tea. "Well, I hope that works. Hell of a way to make
up. But . . . "

"Yeah. It worked. I think." Harry's
anger still troubled me but I wasn't sure I wanted to say something to
Chakotay about the way it had affected me.

"Tom. Somehow I get the feeling that
things didn't go that well."

Maybe it seemed funny, but I felt
the need to defend Harry. "Harry can be kind of intense. When he cares
about something, or someone, he can be just totally . . . fierce."

"And what about you, when you're
on the receiving end?"

For a moment any protective masks
I wore fell away. I knew he could see my true feelings. After a moment
spent struggling to pull myself back together, I began with, "Well . .
."

"Don't give me a line of bull, Tom."

"I was a little put off . . ."

"Tom," he warned me.

"What do you want me to say? When
he left, in my head, I thought it was all right between us, but when I
lay down, I was shaking."

"All right, that's better. You need
to tell him about the effect that scene had on you."

"Why?"

"For the same reason you told him
about making a pass at me. Honesty."

"Yeah. I thought so, too. But . .
. maybe there are things better left unsaid."

"Do you really believe that?"

"I want him to love me, the real
me, not some imaginary me. But you know what? Maybe the real me isn't lovable."

End Part 10

Title: Tom's 12 Dark Days of Christmas

Author: Judy

Series: VOY

Part: NEW 11/12

Rating: NC-17

Codes: P/K; C

For summary, disclaimers and warning,
see part 1. Please do not read this part if you have not read the warning.

Part 11

Day 11 continued

I wasn't sure if Chakotay was going
to come across the mess hall table and grab me. He looked pissed. But he
managed to calm himself down and told me why I'd upset him. "Tom. If you
have to be someone you're not in order for him to love you . . . it won't
last. If Harry doesn't love you, then that's his loss. And, Tom. This is
important. You are not unlovable. "

"You don't love me."

"And you don't love me. That's not
an issue here. The issue is that you respect yourself enough to insist
on being treated well. Do you hear me?"

"Yes, sir."

"You look confused."

I looked around to make sure no one
was listening. No one was even in the mess hall except Neelix and he was
too far away to overhear us. "I am confused. What about the . . . you know
. . . I like some things with sex that maybe make it look as if I don't
respect myself. So I don't understand what you're saying."

"What you like with sex is something
that's been mutually negotiated between you and Harry. Right?"

"Yeah." That was true.

"His becoming angry because we spent
time together while you two were split up is not something you mutually
negotiated. He blew up at you, didn't he?" I nodded. "And it left you feeling
very badly, right?" Again, I nodded. "When you enjoy what you enjoy in
sex does it leave you feeling badly?"

"No. I mean, I like it."

"That's the difference, Tom. Does
it make sense now?"

It did and I thanked him. He had
to get back to the bridge, but he'd given me a lot to think about. I finished
up my coffee and realized that even the ersatz caffeine couldn't help boost
my energy levels. All this emotional stuff was tough on my system.

Maybe when I could get back to piloting
the ship then this walking on egg shells around Harry that I'd been doing
wouldn't seem so important. I just didn't know how I was going to accomplish
what Chakotay seemed to think I needed to achieve. I mean, how could I
tell Harry to respect me more?

****

Once back in my quarters, I changed
back into my casual clothes, but found I couldn't pick up my nap where
I'd left off. Too many thoughts were whirling around. I tried to practice
what I was going to say to Harry, but couldn't figure out how I'd be able
to go through with it.

When Harry himself arrived, I was
jittery and nervous. He found me sitting at my computer working on a new
holodeck program. When he came over and brushed a kiss against my cheek,
I almost jumped out of the chair. Weird. He was acting as if nothing had
happened at lunch. I stood up and shifted my weight from one foot to the
other. "Harry." Oh, great. My voice was about two octaves higher than it
should be.

"Tommy?" He was smiling at me as
if he wondered what alien had taken me over while he worked. "What's wrong?"

"I . . . uh . . . I think . . .uh,
" I just stumbled all over myself in inarticulate mutterings while Harry
watched with a bemused expression on his face. "Don't look like that."

"Like what?"

"Like . . . I'm not, you know . .
. "

Harry moved past me and over to the
replicator. With a glass of water in his hand, he asked me, "Okay, Tommy,
what's this all about?"

"Today. Lunch time."

"What about lunch time?"

"You were really angry and you hadn't
even heard my side of it. You came in here pissed as all hell, reaming
me out, on the word of some unnamed crew."

"I am sorry, Tom. I thought I'd apologized."

He had. "You did."

"Then I don't get it."

"I . . . " Oh, shit. How could I
say this? "I . . . you shouldn't have gone off on me like that."

"I agree."

"I don't want you to do it again."
There. I'd said it. Now I waited for him to stalk out, to yell at me, to
tell me I wasn't worth shit. I got up my courage and looked at his face.
Shocked. I think the word *shocked* covered the way he looked.

Much to my total surprise, as he
overcame his astonishment, his head hosted a big grin as he shook it from
side to side. "Good for you," he approved.

"Huh?"

"I shouldn't have gotten so angry.
I should have known you didn't sleep with Chakotay."

"So, if you feel jealous in the future,
you won't . . ."

"Yell at you? Put you on the spot?
No. I won't." Then he shrugged. "Well, I'll try not to do that. I can't
promise that I won't get jealous. It. . . it may take me some time to realize
that you aren't going away."

I couldn't believe it. All that anguishing
over this and he agreed with me! Impulsively, I hugged him to me. "Oh,
Harry, Harry, gods, I love you so much."

The water in his glass sloshed a
little on both of us and we stepped apart. With a rueful glance at his
glass, Harry set it down on the table. A very predatory look visited his
face and must have liked it there, for the gleam in Harry's eyes only intensified.
"Tommy?"

I wanted to apologize, but wasn't
sure what I should be apologizing for. "Um, what's going on here?"

Harry's grin was worth just about
everything. "Standing up for yourself. Telling me what you want. And don't
want. Before you let it go so far you explode."

"Is that what you think happened
when I hit you?"

"Yeah, I think so. Was it?"

I thought about his question. "No.
I don't think so. If I'd had a chance to think about it, I probably wouldn't
have hit you."

Frowning, Harry reached out to me,
one hand on my arm. With a big sigh, he pulled me to him. "What are we
going to do?"

A lot of possible responses ran through
my mind, from 'fuck me thoroughly' to 'don't leave me' to 'I need . . .'.
But I said none of those things. Instead, I fixed my gaze on his and, with
as much honesty as I could muster, asked, "Harry, what do you want to do?
What do you want from me?"

Somehow we ended up on the couch
with me half sitting on Harry's lap. My back was against the armrest, my
thighs rested on Harry's lap, my left arm and his right arm entwined on
the back of the couch. Our faces were close but not so close that we couldn't
see each other. Either one of us could put his head down on the other's
shoulder. But for the time being we settled for simply being together.
His other arm rested on my lap, my hand on top of his.

Finally, he broke the silence. "I
guess this is where we talk about our relationship."

"Are you as scared of that *talk*
as I am?"

We both laughed, but they were nervous
laughs. "Guess so. Okay. What about basics? Do we want a relationship with
each other? I do."

That was gutsy of him to go first
and I really appreciated the gesture. "Yeah. Me too."

"So. Then, I get the idea that there's
some ground rules you want."

"I think you do, too. Want ground
rules." We waited for each to go first. Then I said, "Maybe we could take
turns."

"You first."

"No fair!" I gave him a mock protest.

"I just went first," he pointed out.

"Okay, okay, you're right. So. I
want what I said earlier. No surprises. I want to be able to trust you."

"No surprises at all? Or just no
big ones?"

"What's a little one?" Gods, we were
dancing around each other, covering ground we'd already been over. I knew
I was having trouble coming to grips with all of this, particularly outside
of bed and outside of some arousal drenched fantasy of our relationship.
This stone cold sober discussion was more than a little unnerving. Maybe
going over it one more time would ease us into the stuff we still needed
to air out. Little surprises probably wasn't on the list of things to still
air out, but it was a start.

"Oh, something like surprising you
for your birthday?"

"That'd be all right. But I'm not
much on birthday celebrations." Usually they'd been tense affairs when
I was a kid, with my father seeming to mark off another year that I'd failed
to live up to his expectations.

"I like birthdays. Maybe you could
grow to like them, too?"

"Only if they're happy ones, Harry."

"I can try." There was such a pool
of warmth in his dark eyes that I could almost believe it would happen.
"I want to be able to get us right this time."

I almost told him we should consult
with Chakotay, but I caught myself in time. I didn't need another explosion.
"You know, maybe once I thought a relationship was an end product. Get
the guy, get the girl into bed, the end. Anymore, I'm not sure a relationship
is an end product, to me, it's more like a process. If we can get the process
right, maybe the rest will take care of itself."

"When did you get so smart?" he grinned
at me.

"Being alone'll do that to a guy."

"Then let's get the process right.
You want to trust that I'm not doing things behind your back."

"Uh-huh. And what do you want?"

"First, I guess, I'd like to know
that you've forgiven me."

That was a big one. He saw the hesitancy
and shifted under me. "Harry. I'm trying. It's kind of like your jealousy.
It's just gonna take me some time."

He grimaced a bit, but seemed to
understand.

"So, that was first," I ventured.
"What's second?"

"My jealousy thing, I guess. I want
to know that you won't leave me for someone else. Or just dump me 'cause
things didn't go exactly as you'd hoped."

"You don't want me to cheat on you."

"That's it."

I must have looked as puzzled as
I felt. "I don't understand. I mean, I can understand why you might think
I wouldn't stay very long in a relationship. But why would you believe
I would cheat? That's not something I do."

"Have you looked in a mirror? You're
beautiful. Probably the best looking person on the ship, male or female."

That produced a snort of disbelief.
"I don't think so, Harry."

"Well. You are. Anyone would be attracted
to you, even Chakotay."

"Couldn't resist mentioning him,
huh?"

"Well, I did find you two in the
bathroom . . . "

"And we explained that. But, Harry,
listen to me. This is important. I'm not attracted to Chakotay."

"But you came on to him." There was
genuine hurt in his voice.

"It was . . . reflex." Now it was
me bringing up my past. "He said some things that went directly to my lust
reflex. I reacted."

"Your *lust reflex*? Tommy."

"Well, that's the best I can do.
But the thing I'm trying to say here is that I am not attracted to him.
And guess what? He's not attracted to me."

"He's not?" There was suspicion in
his voice. "How do you know?"

"He told me."

"You live dangerously, Paris, very
dangerously." The hand on my lap made a quick attack on my ass leaving
me with a hard pinch.

"Hey." I protested, squirming a little.

"I'm just letting you know what I
think about that."

"And I have the feeling there's more
you'd like to *tell* me."

His grin was complete confirmation
of my accusation. "This isn't the time, but you're right. I'd like to blister
your butt for making a pass at Chakotay."

I checked to see if he was kidding
or serious. He was serious. He really did want to blister my butt. I felt
my heart rate quicken and I knew I wanted it. He knew it, too.

"You still want that part of our
relationship?" he whispered.

"Yes," I practically breathed my
answer into his ear.

A simple, "I'm glad," told me all
I needed to know. For a moment it looked as if we would kiss, but he pulled
back. "No. If we don't talk now . . . "

"You're right. So, where were we?"

"You mean before thoughts of your
pink ass began to intrude?"

"Yeah. Think, Harry. Think."

The budding erection I could feel
in his pants deflated. My own went down as well. Geez, it was hard to talk
sitting on his lap, this close to each other. But we both understood that
we had to sort things out.

"We were talking about big things,"
Harry reminded us.

"Right. Right. So, I won't cheat
on you. I'll be very, very good."

"You're the biggest flirt on the
ship."

"Naw, you've mixed me up with Tuvok."

"Get serious, Tommy. This is important."

"I know and so is treating me with
respect. I mean, maybe I don't know much about that, but I think I need
it. I don't want to be walking on egg shells around you, worrying that
if I so much as have a conversation with Chakotay that you're going to
go off on me."

"You plan to see Chakotay?" The suspicion
was back in his tone.

"Not like that, Harry. I mean, we've
just figured out that . . .you know, from time to time you're going to
land on my butt . . . and there's a lot we don't know about what we're
doing. And he can help us."

I could tell he didn't like to hear
me say that. He tensed up and his eyes grew darker. The hand on my hip
tightened its grip. I wondered if this was going to be a deal breaker and
started to think of ways to take back what I'd said. Then I realized what
I was doing and knew I needed to stick with my statement. It was real clear
to me we could use some guidance and I knew Chakotay could provide it.
But Harry's jealousy was big.

"You're not going to lose me," I
promised.

"Well. We'll see. It's going to take
me some time when it comes to him. I can tell you that I'll try not to
let him get to me."

"Try real hard, cause there's nothing
to worry about."

His free hand came up to smooth my
hair out of my face. He kissed me lightly. "I know there isn't, angel.
I just need a little time." He looked troubled and his words came out slowly.
"There is something I don't understand."

I ran a hand through my hair trying
to think. My first thought was to deflect Harry with some good old Paris
humor, to say something about how it seemed easy after he'd caught me bare
assed that day. But that wasn't it. Harry waited patiently as I sorted
it through. I shifted a little on his lap, and ventured, "I don't know,
Harry. I think, I guess, he said he understood. Remember? And I just kind
of had those words going through my mind. Having him understand something
like that . . . And the other thing is . . .he seemed dangerous, somehow."

"But you didn't do anything with
him." There was just that little bit of doubt in Harry's voice.

"No, Harry, I didn't." I took a deep
breath and continued with my attempt to understand myself. Gods, this was
hard. "After I found out what you'd done, I was . . . destroyed. And he
was there."

"He got to you when were sick and
vulnerable . . ."

"If you're thinking he took advantage
of me . . . he didn't. I needed a friend and that's how he acted." Harry
still looked unhappy. But I wasn't sure it was about Chakotay anymore.
"What is it?"

"What about what I did to you? Fixing
those bets, practically forcing you into those costumes, taking those vids.
What do you want to do about that?"

"Are you asking me if I want to blister
your butt?" This time I went with the humor.

"Is that what you want?"

Soberly, I answered, "No. Not really.
I already punched you and it didn't feel very good. And then I broke up
with you. Would you say you've been punished enough?"

His relieved grin provided an answer.
"Yeah. I think I've suffered enough. I just wanted to check it out with
you."

"I'm okay. For whatever reason, I
guess I prefer to be on the receiving end of the butt blistering not on
the giving end of it. That all right with you?"

"You bet."

We both laughed at his quip and the
tension receded.

"There are some things, though,"
he added.

"Oh?"

"If I'm in charge of heating up your
ass, then I'm also in charge of regenerating it if it's needed. We can't
get into trouble again cause I let you get away with saying no to the regenerator."

I didn't want to agree but I knew
he was right. We really couldn't afford to get into trouble again. There
was too much at stake. "Oh, fuck."

"I take it that's a yes?"

"Shit."

"Tommy!"

To my complete surprise he began
to tickle me on the ribs, bringing both hands to bear on the task. I howled
and giggled and squirmed as he tickled me relentlessly. "Yes," I gasped,
"Yes."

A few tickles to seal the deal and
I was limp. Seeing my complete surrender, he stopped, a huge grin splitting
his face. "Then, that's settled. And remember this, Paris, I know where
you're ticklish."

"Okay, okay. The regenerator is all
yours. Anytime."

He pulled me up, his hands under
my shirt and I twitched as I felt his fingers on my still sensitive ribs.
Once fully restored to a sitting position, he planted a big kiss on my
lips. When we broke for air, unexpectedly he informed me, "I've got to
have dinner. I'm starving."

I could tell this wasn't an innuendo
designed to further our mating dance. He actually needed to eat a meal.
So did I.

Maybe it was all that relationship
talk, but after dinner I found myself yawning widely. Walking back from
the mess hall, Harry kept glancing at me. I know he thought we'd resume
cuddling and other things once we'd eaten, but he recognized that I was
very tired.

Inside my quarters, I headed for
the couch and Harry stopped me. "No. You need to be in bed. Why don't you
go clean up?"

"Will you be here when I get out
of the bathroom?"

He grinned. "Of course, I will."

"Good."

And he was. He sat on my bed, waiting
for me. In the bathroom, I'd stripped down to shorts and t-shirt and thrown
my clothes in the refresher.

"Tommy?"

"Hmm?"

"Has the doctor said anything at
all about the weight you've lost?"

"Almost everyday. And I'm trying."

He grabbed my hands and pulled me
closer to him. I wasn't sure what was next. "Let me tuck you in."

Making room for me, Harry literally
tucked me, pulling the sheet and blanket up to my chin, letting his hand
stroke my cheek. He sighed and a pained expression crossed his features.
"Tommy? What'd you do with the vids?"

That question explained his expression.
How many times had he apologized to me for taking them? "Put them under
encryption. Why?"

"Did you look at all of them?"

"Yeah," I replied and I think my
doubtful tone registered. Where was he going with this?

"What did you think of them?"

So, that's where he was going. "Before
or after I came in my pants?"

"You didn't!" His grin was a welcome
change.

"Yeah. I did." I had to grin in return.
"I hadn't seen myself from quite that angle before."

"It turned you on."

"Big time, Harry, big time."

A sly look replaced the grin. "Were
there any you liked best?"

I could answer that question pretty
quickly. "Seeing your cock, and seeing it buried inside me. At various
depths. And I liked seeing your hand spanking my ass."

He agreed eagerly. "I liked those,
too, particularly the one where you could see that butt plug so nicely
framed by that gorgeous red ass."

"And you called me a sick puppy."

He leaned over and kissed me on the
forehead. It was a good-night kiss, not a romantic kiss. "Sleep well, angel.
I'm going to stay up for awhile, but I'll be in bed later. And tomorrow
. . . "

"We'll play before dinner?"

"We'll see." Another chaste kiss
and he was gone, calling for the computer to dim the lights as he went.

I settled down. As I drifted off,
I wondered if everything was all right now. I was back with Harry, I would
be returning to work in the morning. What more could I ask for?

End Part 11

Title: Tom's 12 Dark Days of Christmas

Author: Judy

Series: VOY

Part: NEW 12/12

Rating: NC-17

Codes: P/K; C

For summary, disclaimers and warning,
see part 1. Please do not read this part if you have not read the warning.

Part 12

Day 12 January 5

The morning spent working in sickbay
went fine. The doctor hovered annoyingly, as I knew he would. I did my
best to ignore him and do the jobs he had set out for me. The Captain came
to visit, smiling widely at my return to duty. In truth, I was glad to
be back.

But by lunch time, I was ready to
drop. The doc waved a tricorder over me and told me to go eat lunch and
get a nap. "A real nap," he added with smug smirk.

In the mess hall, I didn't have long
sitting at a table by myself when Chakotay came over carrying a tray. "May
I?"

I nodded to the empty chair opposite,
unable to speak with my mouth full of something that looked like yellow
slime, but wasn't all that bad to the taste.

"How was your morning?"

"Okay," I told him when most of the
food had gone down my throat. "I'll be glad to be back on the bridge."

"Any idea when the doc will clear
you?"

"None. He waved a tricorder and told
me to take a nap. Like I was some little kid."

My indignation produced a flare of
dimples in the first officer. "Did you have that conversation with Harry?"

I almost choked on my next bite of
yellow slime. "Geez, Chakotay, give a guy some warning."

"So?"

"Yeah. And . . . it went well."

"You sound surprised."

I shrugged. "I wasn't sure . . .
you know . . . " I shook my head. There were too many people around, never
mind that none of them paid us the slightest bit of attention. Then I felt
a hand on my shoulder. I knew it was Harry without even looking up.

Chakotay hissed at me, "Practice
looking in charge."

So I waved Harry to a seat. I guess
that was what Chakotay meant. A small, tight smile played on the commander's
lips. I interpreted it to mean that my effort earned me no higher than
a D+.

"So, Tom." That possessive tone was
back in Harry's voice. He'd been right. It was going to take him some time.

I gave him my brightest smile and
pretended I hadn't noticed. "Hey, Harry. Grab some lunch and join us."

By the time Harry returned, I'd finished
my slime and started on the hot beverage. The morning was really catching
up to me and I couldn't help yawning a few times as I rested my head on
one hand, elbow firmly on the table.

Chakotay stood up to leave and told
Harry, "Take your time getting back to the bridge. I think Tom might like
some company on the way to his quarters."

I think Harry was a little startled
by that gesture of generosity. "Uh, thank you, commander."

Once Chakotay was gone, Harry looked
at me darkly, as if he wanted to grill me. I held up my hand, "Don't."
I tried not to make it a plea but more a warning to him. Only my voice
was shaky. Holding my ground was harder than I thought it would be.

But somehow I must have gotten through
to him, for his expression softened. "It's okay, Tommy."

I quickly looked back to my drink.
Good, I'd done it. I'd stood up for myself. It was a little thing, I guess,
but for me it seemed as if I'd climbed to the top of a mountain. And Harry
had responded as if it'd been no big deal.

We walked back to my quarters, Harry
letting himself inside as I propped myself on the doorway framing. "Come
on, sleeping beauty."

Hmm, I thought. Hang on to that image.

Harry's kiss before returning to
duty was far more interesting than the ones I'd received last night from
him. He kissed each closed eye, my nose, my chin, then my lips. Although
it was time for him to go, he seemed reluctant to leave.

"What is it?" I asked, half asleep
in my bed.

"You look so beautiful."

"Come back?"

"As soon as I'm off shift." He leaned
close to my ear and whispered, "I can hardly wait."

With that promise, I fell asleep

****

His kisses were all over my face,
neck and ears, his hands roamed over my back, then fixed on my buttocks
as he pulled me closer to him, closer to where his erection rubbed against
me and mine rubbed against him. Those roaming hands moved to where they
were hot inside my pants as they buffed the bare skin of my ass. I ground
against him, moaning, wanting to feel more of him against me.

His fingers were like lines of fire
inside my crack. "Oh, gods, Harry."

"Angel," he whispered as he broke
his kisses long enough to breathe. "I want to take you, Tommy."

"Yes-s," I agreed. My body writhed
around in his arms as his fingers continued to play with, grope and penetrate
my asshole.

"I want to plant my hand against
that pale ass of yours, I want to see it turn pink, I want to feel you
turn hot under my hand."

"Oh, yes."

All the while, his fingers were playing
me until I thought my cock would go off on its own, just pressed up against
his abdomen, two layers or more of cloth between it and his heated skin.
I was in desperate need of air after another of his forceful kisses nearly
peeled my lips back, his tongue torquing in and out of my mouth. I moaned
again. We had to get out of these clothes. Harry'd been off shift for ten
minutes and I'd been awake for a few hours, taking it easy and anticipating
this chance to be together.

Harry must have had the same thought
at the same time for the hands under my clothes began to work my pants
down over my hips. Then he raised my shirt up and over my head. Once my
hands were freed, I began to work on his shirt and, although my fingers
were trembling, I managed to bring his shirt up and pulled it along his
arms and then off. His hands moved down my smooth chest as if his fingertips
could ignite the skin under them all the way from my shoulders to my thighs.
He pulled at the pants that had only gone part way down and pushed them
off my thighs and down to my ankles. Resting my hands on his bare shoulders,
I managed to toe them off.

Before I could go after his pants,
he straightened up and looked me all over with eyes like dark slits of
lust. He placed a hand on my shoulder and spun me around so that my back
was to him. Even though I couldn't see them, I could feel those eyes raking
up and down my naked body. His voice was like the hissing of a hypospray,
"Over to the couch."

I almost stumbled over my puddled
clothes. I felt dazed and trembled so badly I thought I'd fall before I
reached the couch. Harry was by my side with his hand steadying my elbow.
Sliding onto the couch, his erection huge inside his pants, Harry's hooded
eyes locked onto my own. "Tommy? Is this what you want?"

I knew what he was asking. Did I
want to be over his lap, did I want to have him spanking my ass? I nodded
slowly. I think my knees trembled so much I was surprised to be still standing.
Harry reached out his hand and grasped my own. He pulled me over to him
and a tremor shook me from head to toe. I wanted this so badly, gods knew
why, but that didn't have to be answered now. I answered Harry's question
with one word, "Yes."

"Why?"

"Huh?"

I stood mesmerized by his lap.

"What is this for?"

"Uh. Coming on to Chakotay?"

"Sounds about right."

He tugged on my hand and pulled me
down across his knees. Oh, gods, I moaned into the cloth of the couch.
I tingled at his touch as he arranged me in place, trapping my hard cock
between his legs, lifting my ass a little higher on his thigh.

His smooth hand slid across my anticipating
skin. "Yes," I murmured.

His hand went away and then came
down with a loud slap on my bare cheek. Then another crack and another.
I shuddered with the white hot heat that seared through me. Those three
blows seemed to have gotten Harry warmed up and his hand came down over
and over, four, nine, fifteen slaps of his hand, now falling on previously
hit places and I cried out loud. This was the pain that transformed into
pleasure, that released me from all of my prisons, that promised that I
could be better, that signaled that Harry would soon be fucking me senseless.
It turned me inside out, and I cried with each heated strike to each blazing
cheek.

As the swats snapped into place,
I felt the hot pain/pleasure surge up my cock, up my back, down my legs
until I became one with it, my ass on fire, hot like a sparking brand assuring
me I was all his. It bound us together in a way that went beyond sex. I
loved it, wanted it, and cried hot tears as my cravings were fulfilled
by Harry's spanking hand.

At twenty-five blows he stopped and
I lay limply across his lap, my butt smarting, my cock straining. His hands
swarmed up my back, caressing my untouched skin, soothing my trembling
body. When a hand went low enough to encounter my fiery bottom, I shied
from his touch.

I felt his erection jab me in the
side as he helped up my sweaty body to kneel on the couch. When he knelt
as well, dueling erections saluted and squared off. I wondered what was
next. I remembered the sleeping beauty comment from earlier. Something
clicked inside and merged with an earlier image. In my sexiest voice, I
said, "Harry. I want to do something . . .uh . . . special."

I think he was a little surprised.
And delighted. Once more, his cock touched mine and it was as if all the
heat from my ass surged through that connection.

"What?"

"If you would go into the bedroom,
and get into the bed . . . I'll be there in a minute."

"If you're late. . ." His twinkling
eyes belied the growled threat.

I kissed him to quiet any further
protests. He left the couch and headed towards the bedroom tossing looks
back over his shoulder as if he couldn't believe I wasn't following him
immediately. But when he turned around, I noticed the erection in his pants
hadn't lost any of its interest in the proceedings.

I hurried over to the replicator
and quickly programmed in the items I wanted. A royal blue satin shift,
cut to end mid-thigh, slit to the waist, with built-in size D breasts,
the satin showing off each breast to advantage. I knew he'd like this.
It felt so good sliding on me over all that smooth skin on my chest, and
slinking down across the heat of my backside. The blue would set off the
color of my newly handled ass. Harry would definitely like this. I replicated
a few other items, a vid camera, a medical regenerator (damn), and something
really special.

"Okay, Harry, close your eyes." He
lay sprawled on the bed, a naked, before dinner treat.

He grumbled at me, "You're taking
this being in charge stuff too seriously."

"In just one moment, I'll be all
yours. Come on, Harry."

"All right."

Interesting, I thought for a moment,
Harry really doesn't like giving up control. But my head wasn't going to
be thinking for much longer as I walked slowly over to the bed, the satin
slithering against my skin, draping over my erection, and smoothing over
my heated ass cheeks. At the bed, I dropped the regenerator on the bedside
table, placed the vid on the bed next to Harry, and waved the third item
over his body. Grinning, I advised him, "You can open your eyes now."

His gasp filled the room. "Oh, Tommy.
Oh, my gods."

I couldn't help it. If my grin could
get any wider, it would have wrapped around the back of my head. In a rush,
he tackled me about the waist and threw me down on the bed. I lost the
item I was holding and he picked it up. "Hey," I protested. "No fair. That's
mine."

"Not anymore, angel. This is mine.
And you are mine."

That fierceness I loved about him
was back. He rolled me back and forth and pawed my dress, growling in a
way that would have done a Klingon proud. I squealed and laughed. Then
he warned me, "I want to do you so slowly, touch every inch, love every
inch."

One hand played over my satin shift,
the other hand held the feather aloft and slowly lowered it against my
leg where he sent it in a low orbit to tease my skin. I shivered and closed
my eyes.

Oh, gods.

He kept to his word, slowly sending
the feather up and down my skin. He lifted the shift to run it higher up
my leg. With his knees, he pushed my thighs apart and played the feather
all along the tender skin on the insides of my thighs. I began to moan
nonstop, writhing under his touch. He rolled me onto my stomach and repeated
the flying feather's flight on the backs of my legs and up my thighs. His
hand swept the shift off my backside and, with the lightest of touches,
the feather rekindled the tingling pain in my bottom. I was so turned on,
I thought I wouldn't be able to hold myself back. For a moment it seemed
as if the feather's touch changed so that it was a bit further away as
it swished back and forth.

I glanced back through hooded eyes
and saw that Harry had the feather in his teeth, the vid in his hands.
He touched me here and there and moved my leg this way and that, then the
other leg, then the shift higher up my back, then pulled up my hips so
I was on knees and elbows, the shift at my waist, my red ass high in the
air. The feather wafted over my heated skin and I moved my ass in slow
circles.

At some point he must have put the
vid down, for I felt a slicked finger lightly stroke down my crack to work
its way home in my anus. Oh gods, I wasn't sure I could stand this much
longer. More fingers slid inside, rubbing through to my rectum. His probing
was so light it was almost as if the feather itself touched my prostate.
I couldn't help the cries that came from deep within me.

Harry's fingers moved inside me very
slowly, every so often touching me to make me jump and cry again out loud.
Then, fingers still embedded deeply inside me, he was pulling me around
so I rotated on his hand. Kneeling before him, the shift fell down my back
and front. He added a fourth finger and fucked them in and out of me in
a driving rhythm. I swayed on my knees, moans keening from me in accompaniment
to his beat. With his head he nuzzled at my stomach, pushing up the shift,
licking my skin from navel to neck, his teeth settling the shift around
my shoulders on the way up. On the way down, he licked and kissed and rubbed
his nose to bring the skin on my chest alive to a quivering, straining
monument to his devotion. With one hand, he brought the feather up and
lightly played along the sensitized flesh as the fingers of his other hand
thrust upwards and against my prostate once more.

Again, he moved my body around on
his impaling hand. This time he pushed me down on my side, my legs moving
forward. His free hand lifted one leg up and to the side, opening me to
him, as his hand moved rhythmically inside me.

Then, abruptly, his fingers left
with my sphincter reluctant to let them leave. He pulled off my shift and
I opened my eyes again to half mast. There was a look of intense rapture
on his face. Softly, he told me, "Lie down on your back."

I was so into the pleasure that I
didn't even feel the pain that must have been there when I rolled onto
my butt. He lifted my legs and placed them on his shoulders, and this action
brought my hips up and off the bed. Once again he picked up the feather
and teased my balls and cock, inner thighs and groin. More moans from me
and he slid inside. I simply gripped the sheets with my fingertips and
joined him in the ride that sent his cock galloping through me. All that
deliberate slowness, at long last, dissipated in his rapid pumping inside
me.

I knew better than to try to bring
myself off. I was his and he would take care of me. Almost as soon as I
knew that, his hand reached around and gripped my cock.

With a bellow he came as my own orgasm
milked him with the force of the warp drive. Spent, he fell part way down
on top of me, catching himself with his hands. Then, elbows on the bed,
he rested only part of his weight on my chest. Our sweat mingled, flowed
off our bodies as our minds floated somewhere above us in the virtual skies
where the feathers flew.

As true consciousness returned, I
remembered what Harry had told me: that no one would love me as much as
he did. I had set out to please him tonight with that image of sleeping
beauty and I had ended up with so much more pleasure for myself than I
could ever have imagined.

Harry finally moved and put away
our toys and cleaned us up. He smiled as he picked up the shift. "I liked
this," he told me.

"I know," I smirked.

"Smart ass."

I waggled my eyebrows at him and
turned over to wiggle that very same smart ass at him.

"Paris," he marveled, at least I
think he was marveling.

Before I could check it out, the
doctor commed. It was audio only, thank the powers that be. I sat up, wincing
a bit as pain shot through my ass. I tried to keep that giveaway to what
we'd been doing out of my voice. Very professionally, I answered, "Yes,
doctor."

"Lt. I have some good news. I believe
you can do a half shift on the bridge tomorrow. That is, if you have a
full dinner and get a good night's sleep tonight."

I almost laughed. Out of the corner
of my eye I could see Harry doubled over, trying hard not to choke from
his own laughter. "I'm sure I will, doctor," I assured the hologram with
as straight a face as I could muster, even if he couldn't see us. Meanwhile,
Harry's snorts threatened to break through.

"Good night, Lieutenant." He paused.
"Good night, Ensign."

When he finally recovered from his
choking fit, Harry waved the regenerator at me and motioned me to roll
over.

"Tomorrow morning?" I begged, trying
hard to sound pitiful.

"Now."

I rolled over and he swatted me one.
"Ow!"

"Next time, don't argue."

I knew when to shut up. When he finished
with the regenerator, I turned over, and pulled him into my arms. I had
something important to tell him. It had taken me awhile to get to this
point and I didn't say the words lightly.

"Harry, I love you. And I forgive
you."

He looked overcome with emotion,
his eyes brimmed with tears, and he seemed unable to speak. I just kissed
him and he kissed me back. I wiped away the moisture from his eyes and
kissed each eyelid.

Let's see, in the past two weeks
I'd almost died twice, broke up with Harry, got back together with Harry,
listened to Chakotay when I shouldn't have and didn't listen to him when
I should have. I had sex that I enjoyed, a partner who loved me, more of
my own love to give than I ever thought I would have. And a new appreciation
for what I had and what I could lose. As I drifted off to sleep for a before
dinner nap, Harry beside me, I idly wondered when the next holiday would
be. Perhaps it wouldn't be as eventful as my 12 days of Christmas had been.
I could go for a little stability about now. Yeah, me, who gets bored so
easily, would like things to be stable, quiet, and content. One thing I
knew, with Harry, things would never be boring.