No Paychecks . . . No Prospects . . . Always How one writer struggles to elevate from the hammock, overcome his God-given laziness and earn a living in a cruel world that insists he work.

Thursday, April 3, 2014

Best tweets from last month were, "ehh"

My November and December tweets of the month featured more than 65 items each. For eight weeks, I was on fire. Alas, the fire has extinguished. This month’s 8days2amish haul is just 24 and, really, they’re not that great.

Ah, Twitter muse, you are fickle damsel.

I tried to weed out the really crappy ones and most of these are decent. Still, when I have a down month like this I always buoy my mood by reminding myself that no one really cares.

Afterall, it’s only Twitter.

• It must infuriate true banjo virtuosos that to the public the world's greatest banjo performers are Steve Martin and Kermit The Frog.

• Really popular all-you-can-eat buffets are places where the crowd never thins.

• 138 years ago today, A.G. Bell was issued patent for first phone. Tell friends and speculate how they'd have sounded had he been named Horn.

• Many of us have love/hate relationships with our smart phones. We love having them, but hate knowing that you’re allowed to have one, too.

• Call me reactionary, but I have to figure they use one hell of a lot of hand sanitizer in a place called Germany.

• This is about the time of year when I always begin wondering why we have an Easter Bunny instead of an Easter Chicken.

• Malaysian air official says they're looking for a needle in the haystack. Seems to me they're still looking for the haystack.

• If I ever have money burning a hole in my pocket the first thing- I'm gonna do is rush out and buy some flame retardant pants.

• I’m so cheap I wish Latrobe had a Dutch restaurant so I could invite my wife to dinner and say, "Let's go Dutch!" and get out of paying.

• I’m so cheap my idea of taking my wife to a fancy restaurant is a place that does NOT have the robber-height tape on all the door frames.

• Made the bone-headed mistake of telling 7 year old my new garment is called a “Pea Coat.” Now she asks if I’m also wearing my Poop Pants.

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"Last Baby Boomer!"

About Me

I'm the Latrobe, Pa., based author of "The Last Baby Boomer: The Story of the Ultimate Ghoul Pool," and "Use All The Crayons! The Colorful Guide to Simple Human Happiness." I'll write for anybody who'll pay me. I am a PROSEtitute