6 Dead-End Dating Patterns—And How To Change Them

Dr. Diana Kirschner's new book "Sealing The Deal" tells us how to change negative dating patterns.

Killer Belief #2: I Will Never Have Lasting Love Because Something's Wrong With MeOther variations on this theme:• I can't trust my instincts, choices or judgment.• I am unlovable.• I am too old.• I am too fat.• I am not attractive to men.• I am too successful.• I am not successful enough.• I have kids that get in the way.• I have nothing to offer.• I'm damaged goods.• I don't know what's wrong with me.

This killer belief tends to create fears of being rejected that can play out in many different ways. You might be self-deprecating, where you put yourself down jokingly to guard against the rejection that you know is coming. You might say: "I'm a great person to fall for; I've got six kids and live in a rented shoe. Not really. But I do have teenagers that drive me crazy and our place is so tiny..." You may withhold information about your past or lie about your debt. You may push a man away altogether even though the initial courtship has gone well. Or you tolerate only so much closeness and if the guy starts showing real interest and commitment you react by rejecting him for no apparent reason. On the other hand, if you are saddled with this self-sabotaging belief, you may put up with a distant and unsatisfying relationship or even one where you are physically or verbally abused.

Warning Signs: You have many self-doubts, especially about your deservedness and attractiveness as a woman. It is very hard, if not impossible, to relax, be real and speak your truth with a man. You may over-give in order to gain the love of a man.