Comforting Thoughts About Death That Have Nothing to Do with God

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EVENTS

The Plausible Fantasy

Please note: This piece, and the piece it links to, discuss my personal sex life and sexual fantasies in some detail. Family members and others who don’t want to read about that — please don’t.

I have a new piece up on the Blowfish Blog. In it, I talk about an odd pattern I’ve noticed in my sex fantasies — namely, a need for those fantasies to be plausible, with an obsessive tendency to tinker with the setting and the backstory until they become plausible. And I ask if anyone else has a similar pattern… and if so, how they deal with it.

They’re fantasies, for fuck’s sake. The whole point of fantasies is that they’re not real, and don’t have to be. The whole point of fantasies is that they’re for my enjoyment, in the entirely consensual privacy of my own head. That’s the whole point of having a fantasy about getting spanked in the cafe bathroom, instead of actually doing something. And if I enjoy thinking about getting spanked in the cafe bathroom, then I should be able to enjoy thinking about getting spanked in the cafe bathroom… without worrying about whether actually getting spanked in the cafe bathroom would be an unacceptable breach of cafe etiquette.

Comments

Okay, for the cafe bathroom thing, just thinking it though: maybe it could co-incide with something else? Maybe some particularly spell-binding porn author is doing a reading in the cafe, you’ve turned up a bit early because you’re keen on this author, only you catch the eye of some hot guy/girl/other, and the two of you slip away into the bathroom just as the reading begins? And the reason why no-one’s knocking to get in is they’re all so absorbed by the reading?
Sorry, I realise this doesn’t address the underlying issue, but you can’t throw a plot problem at me and not expect me to try to solve it!

This is so true. It is for me, and my fella too, we were talking about it the other night and it sort of blew our minds that plausibility was so important, in so many ways.
How you got to the location, why, how do you get to the fantasy person, how do you get away with “it”, and without guilt?… and on and on no matter what the fantasy.
I think this has a LOT to do with attitudes about porn too, not that there is plausibility in porn per se, but from the view that feminine sexuality is oppressed, or at least encouraged to be repressed, and more and more, (although I am pro-porn) it’s true that the most available porn is getting more violent-ish, or rather it is the standard BDSM or pop-BDSM fare with women submissive. All good fun for me, but why is there so much of that on the top of the porn pile and the men as submissive on the bottom?
A big part of it has to be the “good girls don’t” factor, good girls don’t have sex with 2 men at once… unless they are forced… that’s the same plausibility that helped me in my fantasies before I stopped caring about being “good”, and now its the plausibility we see in so much porno.
I read sex-negative blogs where they claim there is no real consent in porn, and even if there is it isn’t on the screen… ok fine, I understand, but then they go on to say things like: women are only sexual to perform for men’s approval; sexual”ized” women are the product of men…. so on and so forth which only re-inforces that need to go to extremes required for plausibilty in fantasy.
And deeper even, I think this need for plausibility has a lot to do with the sex-neg belief that women are “forced” or “trained” to perform sexually to gain approval — for some people it’s just NOT PLAUSIBLE that women have sexual desires – or desires that differ from their own, and the only reason they can believe it is the whole culturally-constructed rape-culture theory thing… (which seems to be a mishmash of good theory with bad theory) – and moreover they fight like hell against evolutionary biology and psychology because it offers a plausible reason – they fight it because if a plausible reason is found for women being sexual beings (other than brainwashed), then they become the sexual weirdos.