Owner Guy isn't so much the problem. He's pretty down to earth. He's usually on a jobsite and you normally can't tell him from the average worker. Half the time, the people that contract with us don't know he's the owner or don't believe it. Owner Lady is the issue.

This is exactly why I would accept the Owner's invitation for the big to-do and graciously "put up with " Owner Lady's party and not poo-poo her froufrou.

Calypso and Cuddlepie bring up a good point about Owner Lady's possible state of mind.

I do think they are sharing. The wife is all ready talking about uding tje firing range for necy ueat'd picnic. They have the fishing derby, the games, the fireworks. They cater a nice meal. All of that is very generous. OP and the other employees have a whole lot more perks than most people in the workforce.

It does sound like a very generous party.

A couple of questions for the OP, just to clarify --

1. How long have you worked for the company?

2. Was this the first annual "Big Event" that Owner's have hosted? From your OP it sounds like this is the first time it was hosted at their home.

3. What sort of role does Owner Lady have with the company? Does she treat you fairly?

4. How large is the company? How many people are "several" as in (from your OP) "Several of us were really put off . . ." Why do you think that the "several" should speak for the rest of the workers?

What did not sit well with me and a few other co-workers was the attitude of “look what we have” that seemed to be underlying all the day’s activities. Owner Lady told quite a few people of all the work they did on the house, how expensive it was to upgrade the house to the way she wanted it, and how she has professional decorators come in every season to decorate for holidays and such. One of the day’s events was a hayride that should have been fun, but seemed more like a guided tour of the entire property, complete with stops here and there to show us where they plan to build another horse stable (“so we can buy more horses”) and a shooting range to use at next year’s picnic. It was pointed out on several different stops where the property extends to and how they hold several of these kind of parties throughout the year.

Thanks, but I read the same post that you did. SCMagnolia and others are assuming bad intent, but I was pointing out that that wasn't necessarily so. Had the woman said "... and it's really too bad you can't afford this too...", I would absolutely agree that she had bad intent, but that's not what's been reported. It's simply possible that the wife spends her time with people for whom $50,000 shooting ranges aren't a topic for resentment, any more than my acquaintance thought that a $5000/week vacation rental was a subject for resentment. Or that a $5 blouse from the thrift store is a subject for resentment. But I'm sure that there's someone out there who would regard that $5 blouse as bragging.

It's a matter of context and I'm far more likely to attribute cluelessness to the wife than any real intent to put people down.

I guess that other people having more money and nicer things than me doesn't bother me. It doesn't even bother me that they may talk about it. I'm not going to take my insecurities and use them to attribute bad motivations to others. I realized early on that there will always be someone who is stronger, better looking, smarter or richer than me.

It may not have been bad intent, but it was still rude and it crossed lines that shouldn't be crossed between employer and employee. It was extremely gracious of them to throw the party, but boss lady should not be talking to the employees of how much money she spends and all the things she is planning with dollar signs attached to it. The employees are well aware that boss has more money than them and probably could care less, but to be subjected to the 'Look at all I have' tour is rude. I was always taught that any talk about money and how much you pay for something, whether an expensive purchase or a thrift score, is in poor taste and nobody's business.

I will give you a first hand example of why this is a bad idea to tell employees how much money you spend on your toys or mansions or whatever. For 13 years I worked for a small but well known and successful business. My boss, the owner, and I ended up with extremely blurred lines of professional and personal lives. As with so many places, we struggled with the recession and last year she actually asked me to take a pay cut (and I wasn't making a whole lot). It would have been ok for me to take it for a bit, but as I had helped with her, the store financially when we started struggling (she and I worked a plan of ourselves lending some money to the coffers from our personal savings to get us through a tough month) and I had not been completely paid back but when she asked me to do this cut, she had just spent over $1000 to buy a purebred dog and her and her husband had just put in an expensive home entertainment system. I did a lot of leg work on these purchases so I did know the costs involved and I was not happy that she asked a single mom trying to keep a roof over our heads to take less money when she had the money to pay for these large purchases. After a month of arguing back and forth over this and her actually stopping my paychecks twice, I walked out. I am still fighting one year later to get the money she owes me back (she was ordered to pay it but I have yet to see it) and I now know that I will never have a boss that is a friend again.

It may not have been bad intent, but it was still rude and it crossed lines that shouldn't be crossed between employer and employee. It was extremely gracious of them to throw the party, but boss lady should not be talking to the employees of how much money she spends and all the things she is planning with dollar signs attached to it. The employees are well aware that boss has more money than them and probably could care less, but to be subjected to the 'Look at all I have' tour is rude. I was always taught that any talk about money and how much you pay for something, whether an expensive purchase or a thrift score, is in poor taste and nobody's business.

Yeah, I do the "thrift score brag" thing with a select group of intimates who also do the "thrift score brag," so we know our audience, but it would be technically rude if I just went around telling random people at work about my scores.

And it doesn't matter if particular people on this thread wouldn't be personally upset by the bragging. That's not the final arbiter of etiquette--something can be rude even if you (general you) don't care about it personally. There are rules of etiquette that I don't give a fig about myself--it doesn't make them any less rules.

For those who would be offended by Boss Lady's actions, I have a question. Let's say you were invited to a party at a very wealthy couple's mansion in Beverly Hills or some such neighborhood. If the hostess offered to show you around the rest of the house and grounds (not just the "party rooms" per se), would you find that boastful? Personally I would be disappointed not to be offered a tour, because I have never been to a house like that and would love to see the whole thing, but it now occurs to me that some would find it show-offy and rude.

For those who would be offended by Boss Lady's actions, I have a question. Let's say you were invited to a party at a very wealthy couple's mansion in Beverly Hills or some such neighborhood. If the hostess offered to show you around the rest of the house and grounds (not just the "party rooms" per se), would you find that boastful? Personally I would be disappointed not to be offered a tour, because I have never been to a house like that and would love to see the whole thing, but it now occurs to me that some would find it show-offy and rude.

No. It would be boastful if she punctuated that tour with explanations of how much the lamp cost, what brand the sofa was, how expensive it was to bring those paintings over from Paris...

Nobody is bothered by the tour itself or the actual owning of the objects, IMO. It's the running patter about how expensive they were.

For those who would be offended by Boss Lady's actions, I have a question. Let's say you were invited to a party at a very wealthy couple's mansion in Beverly Hills or some such neighborhood. If the hostess offered to show you around the rest of the house and grounds (not just the "party rooms" per se), would you find that boastful? Personally I would be disappointed not to be offered a tour, because I have never been to a house like that and would love to see the whole thing, but it now occurs to me that some would find it show-offy and rude.

No. It would be boastful if she punctuated that tour with explanations of how much the lamp cost, what brand the sofa was, how expensive it was to bring those paintings over from Paris...

Nobody is bothered by the tour itself or the actual owning of the objects, IMO. It's the running patter about how expensive they were.

Agree. Talking about the cost of something is tacky unless specifically asked. Really, the only described that the Boss Lady did that bothered me was discussing how much it cost to upgrade the home. And there is a difference between saying "We hope to acquire more horses in the future so plan to build another barn here." vs a boastfull "We're building a new barn so we can expand our stable because Luvy MUST have additional horses" in a Thurston Howell voice.

For those who would be offended by Boss Lady's actions, I have a question. Let's say you were invited to a party at a very wealthy couple's mansion in Beverly Hills or some such neighborhood. If the hostess offered to show you around the rest of the house and grounds (not just the "party rooms" per se), would you find that boastful? Personally I would be disappointed not to be offered a tour, because I have never been to a house like that and would love to see the whole thing, but it now occurs to me that some would find it show-offy and rude.

No. It would be boastful if she punctuated that tour with explanations of how much the lamp cost, what brand the sofa was, how expensive it was to bring those paintings over from Paris...

Nobody is bothered by the tour itself or the actual owning of the objects, IMO. It's the running patter about how expensive they were.

Agree. Talking about the cost of something is tacky unless specifically asked. Really, the only described that the Boss Lady did that bothered me was discussing how much it cost to upgrade the home. And there is a difference between saying "We hope to acquire more horses in the future so plan to build another barn here." vs a boastfull "We're building a new barn so we can expand our stable because Luvy MUST have additional horses" in a Thurston Howell voice.

Maybe I misinterpreted the tone of the OP and the offense was only about the specific monetary references. I agree that discussion of how much things cost is always tacky unless asked for (and even then sometimes depending on the circumstance). My impression though (which could be wrong) was that part of the offense was based on the fact of the tour itself (covering the whole grounds to the extent of the property) and discussion of plans for making the party better next year (adding more horses and a shooting range).

For those who would be offended by Boss Lady's actions, I have a question. Let's say you were invited to a party at a very wealthy couple's mansion in Beverly Hills or some such neighborhood. If the hostess offered to show you around the rest of the house and grounds (not just the "party rooms" per se), would you find that boastful? Personally I would be disappointed not to be offered a tour, because I have never been to a house like that and would love to see the whole thing, but it now occurs to me that some would find it show-offy and rude.

No. It would be boastful if she punctuated that tour with explanations of how much the lamp cost, what brand the sofa was, how expensive it was to bring those paintings over from Paris...

Nobody is bothered by the tour itself or the actual owning of the objects, IMO. It's the running patter about how expensive they were.

Agree. Talking about the cost of something is tacky unless specifically asked. Really, the only described that the Boss Lady did that bothered me was discussing how much it cost to upgrade the home. And there is a difference between saying "We hope to acquire more horses in the future so plan to build another barn here." vs a boastfull "We're building a new barn so we can expand our stable because Luvy MUST have additional horses" in a Thurston Howell voice.

Maybe I misinterpreted the tone of the OP and the offense was only about the specific monetary references. I agree that discussion of how much things cost is always tacky unless asked for (and even then sometimes depending on the circumstance). My impression though (which could be wrong) was that part of the offense was based on the fact of the tour itself (covering the whole grounds to the extent of the property) and discussion of plans for making the party better next year (adding more horses and a shooting range).

I think we are agreeing. If mentioning the barn and acquiring new horses was said in a neutral tone, I don't think it was inappropriate at all. But if said in a "we are so wonderful and must only have the best" then it was not appropriate. And without hearing the comment, none of us but the OP knows the tone.

For those who would be offended by Boss Lady's actions, I have a question. Let's say you were invited to a party at a very wealthy couple's mansion in Beverly Hills or some such neighborhood. If the hostess offered to show you around the rest of the house and grounds (not just the "party rooms" per se), would you find that boastful? Personally I would be disappointed not to be offered a tour, because I have never been to a house like that and would love to see the whole thing, but it now occurs to me that some would find it show-offy and rude.

No. It would be boastful if she punctuated that tour with explanations of how much the lamp cost, what brand the sofa was, how expensive it was to bring those paintings over from Paris...

Nobody is bothered by the tour itself or the actual owning of the objects, IMO. It's the running patter about how expensive they were.

I would even be OK w/ running patter about how glad she was to find just the right shade of tile (though dwelling on the expensive source, not so much), etc. Or even saying, "My decorator suggested this, and I was sure it wouldn't work, but look how lovely!" even though *I* can't afford to pay a decorator.

For those who would be offended by Boss Lady's actions, I have a question. Let's say you were invited to a party at a very wealthy couple's mansion in Beverly Hills or some such neighborhood. If the hostess offered to show you around the rest of the house and grounds (not just the "party rooms" per se), would you find that boastful? Personally I would be disappointed not to be offered a tour, because I have never been to a house like that and would love to see the whole thing, but it now occurs to me that some would find it show-offy and rude.

No. It would be boastful if she punctuated that tour with explanations of how much the lamp cost, what brand the sofa was, how expensive it was to bring those paintings over from Paris...

Nobody is bothered by the tour itself or the actual owning of the objects, IMO. It's the running patter about how expensive they were.

I would even be OK w/ running patter about how glad she was to find just the right shade of tile (though dwelling on the expensive source, not so much), etc. Or even saying, "My decorator suggested this, and I was sure it wouldn't work, but look how lovely!" even though *I* can't afford to pay a decorator.

Yep. The OP was there so I'm going to believe her interpretation, esp given that many of the employees felt the same way. So I'm going to say boss lady was quite rude!

I think this is probably one of those things that is colored a lot by previous interactions with Boss Lady. It sounds like she's quite brand conscious and talks about her possessions frequently at the office, which would make this behavior part of a (somewhat irritating) pattern. If, in daily life, she were less boastful, the tour probably would have been less irritating for everyone because it would have been attributed to her being excited to show off her cool stuff, but because she's generally kind of braggy, this just seems like more of the same.

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