Monday, May 10, 2010

Me, Myself, and IUD

*Updated, with "results" below*

This is the time of the month when I start to wonder if I'm pregnant. No, scratch that. It's the time of the month when I'm sure I'm pregnant. Despite having an IUD (that I've been assured is effective despite my uterine weirdness), despite not having actually missed my period.

The problem with having birth control you can forget about, is that you kind of stop believing in it. If it's the week before my period, and I'm a little bloated? That's it. I must be pregnant. It's suddenly the only explanation. Period five hours late? Totally pregnant.

Of course, every time, I'm not pregnant. And every time, Rob and I share a "oh, thank God, there's not going to be another baby any time soon" moment. My monthly pregnancy not-quite-scares are quite the household joke at this point. Which is why, this month, I'm feeling a little the girl who cried "pregnant." Because this time, my symptoms have been especially potent, and I'm starting to think that maybe, this time, it's not a joke.

I've been absolutely exhausted for the past week or so. Like, going-to-bed-at-8:30-PM-and-sleeping-'til-7:00-AM exhausted. I'm also queasy like crazy. And my breasts, which are normally a negative two on the sensitivity scale, actually hurt.

Being pregnant right now wouldn't be ideal. But it wouldn't be a disaster, either. And it would definitely explain why my body seems so hormonally out-of-whack!

Fortunately, Rob isn't concerned enough to have stopped teasing me about thinking I might be cooking a biscuit. Last night, when I asked Rob what he thought of the dining chairs I was looking at online, he narrowed his eyes at me.

"Why are you shopping for dining room furniture?" he asked.

"I just...I dunno...we're always saying how the table is too big, and I'm--"

"Nesting!" he accused.

"No!" I was immediately defensive. "Okay, maybe..."

Because while the IUD makes it nearly impossible, it's still possible. Possible that Westley won't be the only one much longer.

Later, we lay in bed, remembering how before I was pregnant with Westley, we were both sure I'd gotten pregnant on vacation. I'd had my first IUD removed a month before our trip. We came back to work all nervous and excited and sure that we were going to be parents, but at the same time claiming we didn't really care.

And then I got my period. And we were both disappointed. Much more disappointed than we'd expected to be.

"Do you think we'll be disappointed this time, too?" I asked, cozying in.

"A little."

I think I might be more than "a little" disappointed if my period shows up. But then I wonder if I'm really ready to face a positive pregnancy test...let alone another pregnancy (and another labor, and another newborn...and oh my God).

One thing I am certain about, however: I'm done with the IUD.

--------------------

Two days later, I've definitely started my period (a little early, actually). It's both a disappointment and a relief. I'm still absolutely, positively over the IUD, though. It looks like we'll be kickin' it old school with condoms for a little while...unless we decide not to/forget to use them.

6 comments:

Just so you know, we were in the exact same position in December. I wasn't on birth control but we were careful, and every month I was convinced I was pregnant, and every month I was a little sad when my period came. Then one fine day the period didn't come and OMG I was not happy about the positive test. Not at first anyway. I have a 19 month old, having a second baby and trying to finish a master's degree (WTF).

However, after months of feeling sorry for myself, the baby began to make my belly big and started to move around and now I couldn't be happier. I'm super excited about this and you will be too when the time comes.

I've been convinced I was pregnant just about every month since I started having sex, oh so many years ago. Then I actually had a real opps at 19. Have been super convinced I was pregnant monthly after that!

It's weird though...I would have these phantom flutters that I though was the baby moving (even though it would have been far too early to feel anything had it been real), but they felt EXACTLY the same way the real first kids felt. Freaky right?

What you've written is totally proof that someone's got to think of better birth control methods... I'm still considering an IUD, but I'm kind of scared. At this point, a pregnancy would be a disaster for me -I'm 41 & my oldest is finishing 11th grade and my youngest is 2 (all were planned). I feel like it's so unfair that it's so complicated to find an acceptable (and reliable) solution.