Pitching Alpha Girl From An Elevator

After publishing my last essay on Monday, I was somewhat struggling with my draft folder, while I have somewhat of a backlog of articles I want to publish, I couldn’t really find that flow state that I need in order to write on the level I want to write. However, luckily one of my followers retweeted this article entitled “7 Important Things To Know Before Dating an Alpha Female“, that in addition to making me laugh a little, also offered ample opportunity to expand on my Cluster-B Series. First off, if you are writing an article on women who are difficult to deal with, you may not want to use a graphic that depicts a woman who has been diagnosed with an Axis-2 personality disorder, more specifically borderline personality disorder. She may as well have used the famous graphic of Marilyn Monroe (another borderline) with the Cluster-B favorite quote “If you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best“. Secondly, you may want to avoid structuring your sales pitch like an ad for a haunted, broken down house in the boonies.

However, women as the marketing sex, on top of their inherent ability for solipsism and rationalization, is what inspired the realtor to outline the broken down house with no water as a “quaint and charming fixer-upper”, or the house with blood on the floor and a history of murders being committed there as “A unique space with an exiting history”.

So, lets go through the “7 Important Things” in order to identify the crazy contained within and utilize the female sexual strategies to identify the category of sexual strategy that this woman is using.

She Will Challenge You

Being challenged is one of those things that men and women seem to have a different definition for, as the author outlines:

Not only will she challenge you, but she probably won’t forfeit too easily; she will be persistent and insistent. She will debate with you over anything from de Blasio’s new policy, to the actual color of a tennis ball (green? or yellow?), and she expects to win. Some advice: challenge her back.

To most men, this will not challenge their intellect, or their horizons, so much as their patience. It has long been documented that women talk more than men [2] and this correlates over with a higher desire to discuss everything. For a man a challenge requires an obstacle to overcome, points on a board, a finish line to cross and progression to be made. A debate on whether tennis balls are green or yellow, is unlikely to be a productive one. This is ignoring that female solipsism makes any discussion with a woman centered on her individual perceptions and experiences, not on the external facts that men prefer to utilize in order to ensure productive discourse.

Men can often be found debating interpretations of facts, while agreeing on the underlying facts. Whereas women invent their own facts. In reality, this is a way of stating that she will constantly and brutally shit test you at any given moment and fight you every step of the way for frame control.

She Don’t Need a Man To Make it Happen

This is the war cry of the “Strong, Independent Woman” which in reality translates into “I don’t need no man, now that I have the government“, the irony is that the “empowerment of women” happened through their emancipation from men in the singular, to their new dependency on men in the plural. Where a woman used to be dependent on a father or a husband, she is now dependent on every man in a nation through government programs and benefits. Where she would depend on the men in her family to protect her, she now has a police force ready to take her word for it in domestic abuse cases.

A woman who makes it happen, is a woman that will need a partner to act as a mixture of father and mother, restricting her from starting things that she cannot finish and cleaning up her messes when she goes off the deep end.

She Will be Straight-up with You

This is another one of those things men and women have a different definition of, a man being straight up with you means he will tell you the truth when you need to hear it. A woman being straight-up with you means that she will read you the riot-act over any injustice, real or perceived, minor or major, in public or private, whenever she feels like it. This is a continuation of point one, the constant battling for frame control through shit-testing where you have to be on your toes every moment of the day. What makes a borderline a borderline is that unlike most women who tend to dial back the shit-testing after the initial tests, everything a borderline does is a shit test. This is in part why borderlines are often attracted to narcissistic or psychopathic males, as these men are often impervious to shit testing.

She’s a Do-er, Not a Talk-er

When the author writes:

Alpha’s take action, so if she says she’s gonna do something – you bet your ass, she’s gonna do it. She probably expects the same in return: if you say you’re gonna do something, you sure as hell better follow through. And if ya don’t, she will…so don’t miss the boat, Mister. Hop on!

This is womanese for “I’ll expect you to cater to my wims and follow through when I can’t” female doers get things started and relies on others to finish their work for them. This is a classic trait of women with borderline personality disorder who rapidly change their identity and goals, while expecting others to clean up after them. Jumping into series of new tasks, experiences or goals, without any prior planning or preparation, relying on their partner, family or others to finish the job.

She doesn’t wear her Alpha on her sleeve

Chocolates? Flowers? One of those Hallmark cards that have a cute pun about how much you love her? Yeah, these things will probably make her vom a little in her mouth before it makes her heart melt. Not that she’s a total cynic, but she’s used to the doting – the lovey dovey crap that every girl wants – and in order to get her attention, you’ll need to come up with something a little more original.

This is a nice way to say “high maintenance” which carries through in this entire description. The normal is not enough for her, you have to step your game up and come up with something bigger, something better, something more extreme to satisfy her need for excitement, distraction and emotional high-points. As with most cluster-Bs she has an extreme need for distraction, attention and requires extreme levels of “demonstrating supplication” in order to ensure her grip on you when in the future she plans to use you as a tool to further her own goals.

She’s not easy

If you think loving an Alpha Female is easy, you’re wrong. She’s difficult, competitive, and probably complicated. She gets off from being free, being in power, and will step on any man who gets in her way. She is, in fact, ab. So. Lute. Ly. Impossible.

This is what it all comes down to; power. The debating and constant initiation of arguments about everything is a way to zap you of energy so that you become easier pray. This is in a way a frame control test as referenced in points 1 and 3. All women are intentionally difficult and competitive within relationships as a way of shit-testing their partner. However, the major difference between a cluster-B/Dark Triad female and other women is that they use the “I’m complicated” as code for “erratic, irrational and completely nuts” in the same way fat women on dating sites use “curvy“.

But she’s definitely worth it

Her my-way-or-the-highway attitude and complete self-competence will, at times, make you feel small. Instead, let it empower you. Let it strengthen your weaknesses, and let it feed your drive to success. She will help you learn about yourself; she will push you; she will change you; she will impact you. Overall, she will make you a better man.

Note that you weaknesses here are not what you perceive them as, but what she tell you they are. She will endeavor to change you in what way she wants, and she will define what makes you a better man or not.

Summary and Conclusions

The 7 characteristics of the “Alpha female” reads like a short, punchy sales pitch more than anything. The woman being argumentative and drama seeking (point 1) is sold as high spirited and determined. The woman being pushy and risk seeking is sold as not needing a man to make it happen (point 2), her tendency to blow up in your face over small slights, real or imagined is sold as being a “straight-talker“. Doers are normally a good thing, unless they are half-doers, starting messes but never finishing them.

Initially this appears to be a woman running a “Cool Chick” strategy based on the analysis of “fixing it herself”, “being a doer” and being a clear communicator. These are all traits of the cool chick from female sexual strategies part 2 [4]:

The Cool Chick

Archetype: The Anti-Girl

Category: The low cost chick

Main focus: Low maintenance in relationship

Pop Culture Example: Robin from “How I met your Mother”

In essence a woman who handles her business, is very low-maintenance in a relationship, and has her shit together, but will be a mostly direct communicator that is aware of her wants but is willing to compromise. In reality, the “Alpha Female” outlined her is a variant on the Pusher strategy, stemming from the point of “Definitely worth it”, “Not Easy” and “She don’t need a man to make it happen” [4]:

The Pusher

Archetype: The Ultra-Girl

Category: The Hausfrau

Main focus: Care-taking, nagging, pushing

Pop Culture Example: Lois from “Malcolm in the Middle”. Kathy Bates in “Misery”.

The telling difference is in the combination of directness, stubbornness and goal-orientation. The major difference between “The Cool Chick” and “The Pusher” lays mainly with the domains of control and direction. The cool chick is low in both need to control and need to direct, and will tend to more often go with the flow, whereas the pusher has a high need for both, and is unable to go with the flow. Everything about the Pusher ultimately boils down to power and control, even their care-taking and considerate behavior will tend to be execute with an eye towards securing more control. The cardinal point of “The Cool Chick” is that she is in fact very easy to get along with, and be in a relationship with. The Cardinal point of “The Pusher” is that she is the exact opposite of easy to get along with.

When evaluating a female one must always keep in consideration that the female sex is the marketing oriented sex. They will always spin bad qualities as good qualities. A woman with control issue is spun as being independent. A needy woman is spun as being endearing or attentive. A crazy woman is sold as “high spirited” or one with ADHD as “adventurous“. A woman who is pushy, demanding, wants to make everything into a debate and is opinionated, makes up the “Strong, Independent woman“.

A note:

I recently launched a Patreon page where I will be posting additional content every month for those who support me and I will do a Google Hangout for the highest tier Patrons (limited to 10 people).

I’ve also had some requests for consults, which I’ve declined up until now, but due to demand I’ve chosen to open up for doing some consults on request. For details please check out my Consulting and Patreon Page

7 comments on “Pitching Alpha Girl From An Elevator”

Many abrasive women LOVE to justify their abrasiveness by arguing they’d become a “cool girl” in a relationship. They rationalize this because they despise “cool girls” but men love them. They look at a “cool girl” and assume she is actually abrasive, they project and conclude the cool girl used to be abrasive, but changed for the man. So they assume that if they had a man they would be a “cool girl” too.

It’s like the fat person saying “my skinny friend eats chocolate too, if I had their metabolism/job/hobbies I would therefore be thin too”. Never withstands the trial: when the factor is added, they still fail to become like the people they envy and hate. So then they argue that the factor wasn’t right: “I didn’t become a cool girl because he wasn’t man enough”, “I didn’t become thin because the new job was too boring”.

The major issue I’ve found is that among men, qualities such as dominance, abrasiveness, arrogance, etc. can be turned on or off, up or down. Most men who are abrasive, are not 24/7 abrasive, most women who are, tend to be. In the same manner, the guy who loves to debate and argue issues, turns it off on occasion, women who love debating every issue make their s.o. feel like they are being cross-examined by a prosecutor, over whether they want Italian or Cajun for dinner.

Men are tool-oriented and goal-oriented, women are tribe-oriented and pattern-oriented. Thus, men use their emotions as tools towards a goal, whereas women use their emotions to establish a pattern of behaviour within a tribe.

A woman for whom abrasiveness is a large component of her nature can only stop being abrasive if she does so from day 1 with a new person. A man with the same problem can tackle it on a personal level if it affects his goals.

I had a similar discussion with a few friends of mine a while back. Basically there were two camps for how the men in our group defined an Alpha Female. One was similar to what was described in that grrl pwer link; dominant, independent, yada-yada.

The other definition made more sense to me upon further description. As women typically take on a complementary role/position in regards to the man they’re with, an alpha woman, if you could really call it that, is a woman who is married to an alpha man. As such, she will complement his strengths and minimize his weaknesses.

When he leads, she follows.
When he’s incapacitated, she nurses him back to health.
While he’s out working to provide for the family, she’s managing the household affairs.

It’s very much a yin-yang dynamic. Would be interested in hearing your thoughts.

The way I view it, the dynamic in a relationship is to be compensatory. For instance, if one party sucks at something, the other party should do that. An army cannot have 2 generals, it only leads to confusion and inefficiency. On the other hand, an army cannot have no general, and be composed purely of soldiers.

The modern relationship advice is based on “compromise” and conversation, which is inherently biased towards the female preference of democratic leadership. Those who have worked under female leadership, will without a doubt have noticed the need for consensus and discussion leading up to a decision being made. This is good for group cohesion, as everybody feels as if they are equal, valued and being heard, but it also means decision-making is very prone to sub-optimal decisions.

In my world it makes sense that competence makes decisions. If I’m in a hospital, I want the most qualified doctor to be weighted as more important than the input from the most qualified nurse. I also do not want the doctor to handle emptying half the bed pans and the nurse to handle half the surgeries.