Warmest Winter This Year!

The IPCC have declared the winter of 2009/2010 the warmest ever this year. "Our records go back 14 million years," Mr Pachauri, chair of the IPCC, said recently. "We're scientists and we know, so there."

Asked about the recent heavy snow storms and bitter cold that has blanketed the eastern United States and ground all life to a near standstill, Mr Pachauri said, "This winter has still been the warmest winter this year. We have proof. There simply has not been a colder winter this year than the one we are now experiencing, and that means it must be the warmest!"

Not everyone agrees with Mr Pachauri. Sceptics have pointed out that Mr Pachauri is using too short a timescale to accurately measure temperature differences. "We would expect the IPCC to cover a timescale of at least 10,000 years," said Mr Denier, a climate scientist with 25 degrees in climatology and a boy scout's badge, as well as some rare vintage football cards in excellent condition. "This winter is actually not the warmest winter this year. I have irrefutable proof that it is the coldest winter this year, as well as being the coldest winter for the latter part of last year too!"

Mr Al Gore, the former US why-wasn't-i-ever-president, while shouting against the deafening noise of his electricity meter whirring at an incredible speed in a futile attempt to keep tabs on all the electricity he consumes, told Spoof news, "Of course this winter has been the warmest on record this year! And that just proves that the earth is getting warmer, and somehow, in ways I don't understand why, all us humans are to blame. Oh yes, I know why. It's so that I can get richer trading carbon. Silly me for forgetting that."

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