Several parts don't always make a whole

Come out from hiding, USA, so we can celebrate your birthday coming up Thursday.

Alaska: Show yourself, USA. Here in the Last Frontier State, we're not good at finding others because we're so big and sparsely populated.

Rhode Island: Here in the Ocean State, we have the opposite situation. We're so tiny and densely populated, we bump into each other all the time.

Texas: Y'all, here in the Lone Star State, if someone wants to go into hiding, we kick back with a cold beer and just let them be.

Pennsylvania: Yo. Here in the Keystone State if you want to have friends over for drinks, you have to go to three different stores. For beer, you have to go to a distributor; for liquor, you have to go a "state store;" for mixers, you have to go to a grocery store. What a hassle!

Nevada: Your states are really different from us here in the Silver State. We're so open to vices, even gambling and prostitution are legal.

Utah: Folks, here in the Beehive State, you can legally drive 80 mph.

Colorado: Yeah, but you can't legally smoke pot for recreational use like you can here in the Centennial State.

California: Dude, here in the Golden State, we can go to Black's Beach, which is a nudist beach owned by the Department of Parks and Recreation.

North Carolina: Ya'll think the laws are unusual in your states? Here in the Tar Heel State, you can void a marriage if your spouse is impotent.

Alabama: That's sure not the way we do things here in the Yellowhammer State, where even incestuous marriage is legal.

Idaho: That's really weird. But then again, here in the Gem State it's illegal to ride a merry-go-round on a Sunday.

New York: Hold on, everyone. Here in the Empire State, we're used to melting differences into a whole that is greater than the sum of its parts.

Let's bring the United States of America out of hiding to celebrate its birthday by talking more about how we can come together.

Then we won't sound like 50 states seeking a country.

Rob McKenzie is a professor of communication studies at East Stroudsburg University.