The Devil Plays for Mater Dei

Mater Dei High is a haven for cover-ups (see our Ex Cathedra archives), but none are lamer than the one attempted by head football coach Bruce Rollinson in today's typical OC Register Mater Dei blowjob.Register sports writer Carlos Arias (who is a great boxing writer--too bad nobody sees the sport anymore) begins the piece by telling readers the Monarchs' offensive line is known as the "War Pigs," then asks Rollinson where he got the nickname. "He doesn't remember where they got the name, but the label fits because they do all the dirty, thankless work in the trenches," Arias reports. Either Rollinson is feigning stupidity, or the man is stupid. "War Pigs," of course, is the famous tune by heavy metal overlords Black Sabbath, and it's ironic Rollinson named his boys that phrase for two reasons--firstly, 'cause Black Sabbath was always accused of Satanism, and Mater Dei is a Catholic high school. More hilariously, however, Black Sabbath wrote "War Pigs" in protest of the Vietnam War, and Mater Dei doesn't take kindly to anti-war efforts. How long until Mater Dei officials reprimand Rollinson for embracing Satan and hippies? Don't hold your breath--the football team is 5-0 heading into tonight's game against their comrades in boy-buggering, Santa Margarita High.

Gustavo Arellano is the editor of OC Weekly, author of the syndicated column "¡Ask a Mexican!", and Taco USA: How Mexican Food Conquered America. He started at the paper with an angry, fake letter to the editor and went from there—only in Anacrime!