Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Driving in Boston A.K.A. Co-Mingling with Mad Men.

The people in Boston are great. Everyone is friendly (for the most part), lots of dog lovers and liberal-types. However, some sort of transformation happens to these people. And it happens when they unlock their cars and take a seat behind the wheel. It's as if the minute they click their seatbelt, they morph into some other type of being. From behind their Dunkin Donuts coffee cups, they turn into ruthless, honking, impatient 2 year olds, quick to throw a trantrum when they don't get their right-of-way. Therefore, I present to you:

Things I have learned since moving to Boston, in regards to driving.

1. Avoid it at all costs.2. When you're at a red light, the car across the intersection going the opposite way will ALWAYS bang a left when the light changes to green, so when it does change, pause before you hit the gas.3. This will undoubtedly cause the driver behind you to begin honking at you for not immediately flooring it.4. Everyone honks at EVERYTHING. Don't get too offended.5. People tend to just slow down when they're in the right lane. You see their brake lights, slow down behind them and wonder, "Are they breaking down?" "Are they lost?" "Are they about to pull into that parking spot?" No... usually, they are making a right hand turn without signaling.6. Everybody in Boston must have a broken turn signal.7. These rules also apply to bus drivers, minus number 5.8. On average, you will get cut off about once every 60 seconds. Get used to it, and expect it.9. It takes double the amount of time to get anywhere. Triple if it's 8am or 5-6pm.10. You will be horribly judged for having out of state plates. Even if your driving skills are superb.11. Don't park ANYWHERE the sign says you're not allowed to. Even for 10 minutes. The parking police are either on crack or aliens... how are they so fast?!12. A two-lane road will never actually look like it's two lanes, as there are NEVER any lines to divide them. So, assume that all roads are two lanes, since everyone else does.13. Traffic circles are alive and well... don't wait too long to enter them, just shove your way in, before the driver behind you gets antsy. See #3 and #4.14. Always check the Red Sox schedule before driving anywhere near Fenway Park or its surrounding neighborhoods.15. Keep xanax on hand, have good car insurance, and say a prayer before you pull out of the driveway!!

2 comments:

i love this! after living in boston for 5 years, i'm so incredibly happy to report that i never drove ONCE. yes, i've been in friends cars and with my parents when they came to visit, and i'm glad that was only a handful of times. i never ONCE wished that i had driven in boston either!

but i still love boston! just by T and foot :)

(mostly by T, which still makes me very confused when I am in a car or taxi and have no idea how to get to places above ground!)