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Friday, July 24, 2009

Guest Blogger #2- TORN

Today, the lovely Opie anderson, a fellow Jamaican mom is our guest blogger. She explores an issue with which us mommies are all too familiar-that of the dreaded return to work. This always becomes so much harder the longer it is delayed. Opie captures the feelings, emotions and the despair at having to leave your new found job, hobby and heartbeat at home. Feel free to share with us how it was for you to return to work.

In about two weeks my summer break will end and I will have to once again respond to my 6 o'clock alarm. Usually I hit snooze for 30 minutes and when that 30 minutes expires I then pop up from the bed and begin to move about lazily but deliberately until I am somewhat awake. On the last day before maternity leave I was on the edge of two great events. One was the hiatus I was taking from the morning alarm. The thought of it brought a huge grin on my face and all my brain cells danced their way into a desirable trance. The other event was the birth of our little baby. It was almost serendipitous I tell you, I was walking out of the building around 4 p.m. that Friday with a huge watermelon-like belly and I thought about how amazing God is. The experience of feeling another human being move inside me was mind blowing. The weekend passed and on Monday afternoon I became a mom. YES! The watermelon shrunk tremendously and I finally saw the little feet that kicked me and caused me to smile so many times, the little head that pushed against my ribs so much that I poked back a few times and the strong heartbeat that was so comforting to hear after many long days at work. Finally, I was able to look into the eyes of the little person and I saw love. That first look made me weak and I knew immediately that I was going to have a warm time parting with this look and those eyes.

Sure enough I pushed my return (to work) date back from 6 weeks to 8 weeks. I was in no way, shape or form trying to return to the 6 o' clock alarm just yet..no way Jose. Spring break added another week and I just thought the more the merrier. Needless to say that when it was time to go back I was beside myself mentally and emotionally. I was tough but I had many moments in the first week where I wanted to pick up my bag and walk out the door. I had to think about it seriously and settle myself in the comfy chair. As a result, I lived for the end of the school day. Many times I was there but not there. The fact that we would be out in 4 weeks kept me sane lol.

But alas, the break is coming to an end! I am torn. Torn because those eyes now know me. Those eyes search for me in a room full of people. Those eyes smile and laugh out loud at all the silly things I do and say. That look, those eyes tell me I am mom, lover, provider, rock, sidekick, a regular palette for drool, unwanted food from the stomach, cushion and preferred mode of transport. Those eyes tell me thank you but most of all those eyes tell me I love you every minute of the day. I do not want to be gone for any of those untraceable minutes. As of now, I am torn.

2 comments:

Shericka
said...

These feelings are real girl. Beautifully written too. I had to leave my little one at 3 months and it was heart wrenching...I really think every mom should have AT LEAST six months at home with the newborn..C'mon, people just don't realise how hard it is to return to work after leave, especially if you have to leave the baby at Daycare