Obama catches 7 fishes; feeds the entire East Coast with an 'Economic Miracle'

Martha's Vineyard, Massachusetts -- Pres. Barack Obama made good use of day three of his summer vacation, catching seven "nice size" striped bass off the coast of this ocean island.

But what happened next is being called by some "the economic miracle of 21st-century." As the president's charter fishing boat pulled up to the dock, he ordered his security disciples to clean the fishes and provide "lunch for America."

Witnesses of the president's generosity saw the catch being divided first on Martha's Vineyard, then on the Massachusetts' mainland, in Boston, in New York, in Washington, and all the way down the East Coast to Miami.

Miraculously, the millions who feasted on the fish reported that their meals were cooked impeccably and in the style that they most enjoyed.

"I didn't think that striped bass could be prepared in so many different ways," said Gordon Ramsay, renowned chef and reality TV personality. "There was sushi, chowder, fish sticks, fish and chips, striped bass sandwiches, striped bass egg foo young -- the list is as endless as it is delicious."

Asked if the president might be invited to participate in his Master Chef television program, Ramsey replied: "I realize it is a major miracle to serve up lunch for 150 million diners, but the president's plating skills can use some work."

Congressional Republicans were even more critical of Obama's actions. "This was a cheap parlor trick, and as soon as we find out how it was done, we're going to do it too," said John Boehner (R-Ohio). "We've been trying to reach The Almighty all morning."

"Trying to reach God?" a reporter asked.

"No, Michele Bachmann," Boehner said. "We want her campaign to fund a survey which will show that seafood's approval rating is declining rapidly in America. Then, we'll do steak for our miracle."

The president, meanwhile, hinted that blue fish could be tomorrow's lunch special for the East Coast. "The critics accused me of goofing off by taking this vacation. In their honor, I think we should call what happened here today 'The Miracle of the Loafs And Fishes.' Please pass the tartar sauce."

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