6 signs you have a passive-aggressive roommate

The only thing worse than fighting with your friends is fighting with your roommate. There’s no escape! They literally live with you. This is especially true if your roommate is passive-aggressive. You might be having a fight without even knowing it. Here’s how to tell.

1. Instead of talking, they write notes.

The classic passive-aggressive roommate loves writing notes. It’s so much easier than talking face-to-face. Notes can be wry, sarcastic, biting, and subtle. That way a real fight never starts. Why else does a passive-aggressive roommate love writing notes? They get the last word. You never get to defend yourself.

2. They abuse the white board.

A white board—stuck, for example, to the fridge—is a good place to leaves reminders for your roommates. Like whose turn it is to buy toilet paper. But a passive-aggressive roommate usually dominates the white board, leaving no room for anyone else. The white board usually gets more wry and sarcastic as time passes.

3. They never forget or forgive.

Living with roommates is an exercise in compromise. You share space. You share bills. You share cleaning responsibilities. Maybe you even share food. Slipping up is inevitable. Maybe you forget to mop the floor or take out the trash. It happens! Apologize and move on. But if your roommate won’t move on, and keeps bringing up “that one time,” then you know you’ve got a passive aggressive roommate on your hands.

4. They boil over.

People who never forgive or forget eventually boil over. They let many tiny conflicts go unresolved until they amass into one giant conflict you didn’t see coming.

5. They give you the cold shoulder.

Passive-aggressive roommates don’t like to address conflict directly. Even when you try to bring something up, you’re likely to receive the cold shoulder. A passive-aggressive roommate may go so far as to say, “Everything’s fine,” even when everything’s not.

6. They’re never wrong.

Nobody is a perfect roommate, but whenever you try to confront yours about an issue—whether it’s regarding noise, money, cleanliness, or whatever else is on your mind—a passive-aggressive roommate will often try to turn the tables. Instead of hearing you out, they’ll remind you of “that one time” they still haven’t forgotten. They don’t own their mistakes. They deflect responsibility. They rarely apologize.

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