News & Stories from the Holsworthy Mafia

We the Holsworthy Mafia love anything thats evil, nasty, crazy, we love that stuff and nothing stands out more evil than taking a shit in Pudsey Bears Eye socket than Chemtrails.

Chemtrials are a theory that weirdos use to say the government are bending us over and screwing us. These are the sorts of people who genuinely believe that everything that happens is some sort of conspiracy.

According to such people, Chemtrails are chemicals that contain “nano technology”, a term used to name generic things that are too small and too complex to understand, this could be a term for Dihydrogen Monoxide, a blend of potentially fatal elements used to spray on all our foods and even comes through our taps. This Nanotech based Chemtrail can be used for all sorts of evil things apparently, from controlling the weather to messing with our foods. Some people even go as far to say its brainwashing, something even we think is just implausible.

According to a mafia spokes person, who also wears a tinfoil hat, the government have another evil plan for these Chemtrails. Using his website which is hosted on wordpress.com, he put out a theory that the government are trying to hack “cloud storage” with these chemtrails to try and rat out Russian spies who got Trump the election and won the Brexit campaign. The shear fact that “cloud storage” isn’t actually physically in the cloud was shocking news to this idiot, he thought computers where floating in clouds, but then again, this wank splurge sponge also believes that the moon landing was faked.

Obviously, because his website is on the internet, people went nuts. It was a simple case of “I heard it on the internet, it must be true”. The website that hosted this has since been removed by the Mafia for trying to dumb down humanity even more. What grinds my gears personally about these websites is the owners are often too cheap to even pay £10 a year to register a proper domain, instead, they resort to using the “somethingstupididiotsayingthingstheydontknowabout . wordpress.com.

The Cloud providers such as Microsoft and Apple have reached out and gave us the following statement:

Simply put, Chemtrails are when God is having a party. He lines up some slugs of Bolivian marching powder and the party in the sky begins with Journey, Don’t Stop Believing blaring in his celestial palace.