Adaptation: Is a movie still clever when it's all smug about its cleverness? Or does that just make it smarmy and annoying? Yeah, probably the latter, but it's still not as annoying as the smarmy, self-congratulatory reviews that crop up in its wake. Like this one, for instance.

Alien?: H.R. Giger was a sick freak and Ridley Scott is hit-or-miss. But hey, Sigourney Weaver in tiny underwear. Victory!

Batman (1989): Ever fight with the Joker accompanied by Prince music in the pale moonlight?

I used to like anime, at least until it became popular in the U.S. and I learned to hate it. Not because it was cooler before it sold out or any nonsense like that -- it's just that back when it was fairly obscure, publishers only translated the best stuff. Once a wider a array of anime started making it way to America, I realized an essential truth: It's mostly crap. As these reviews helpfully indicate.

Bubblegum Crisis?: In the future, the common man will be protected by hot girls who don't wear underpants as they pilot sleek robot armor. I really don't understand why some people refer to this as "dystopian."

Burn Up W?: A well-meaning attempt at clever satire that became sidetracked by excessive fanservice.

Ghost in the Shell?: Apparently this was the colossal smash hit that allowed Masamune Shirow the freedom to pursue his dream of illustrating nubile cow-girls being milked in the nude. Therefore it is the worst movie ever.