(Closed) I was at a freaking FUNERAL…

…and all anyone could talk about was when the boy and I will be having children. The wedding is *next year* — we’re not even married yet and they’re wondering about my reproductive abilities and timetable. What the crap?? Why on earth do people think it’s okay to barge into your very personal life and beg you to make babies?? After the 18th time I was asked that question, I finally said, “When my student loans are paid off.” I was in no way prepared for this line of questioning. Agggh.

Literally — the conversation went like this, “Hi Cupcake, so nice to meet you. Congrats on the engagement. When are you going to have kids?” The hell?? I would NEVER walk up to a family member I just met and say “Hi, Betty, so nice to meet you, when are you going to get that hemorrhoid problem cleared up?”

Also — man. In casket. 20 feet away. Can we put a little less focus on my uterus and a little more focus on the nice man who just passed?

I feel you on this. Not that I’ve been to a funeral lately, but it’s like no one gives two craps about your wedding, they just want you to reproduce. It’s frustrating, and it’s privacy-invading. If we want to make an announcement of our baby timetable, we will do so. GRR!!

I totally know how you feel….minus the funeral. My husband and I are legally married as of 3 months ago. and whenever i am at church i am BOMBARDED by baby questions. For heavens sake if i so much as play or hold someone else’s baby they say “practicing for the real deal aye?” NO IM JUST PLAYING WITH A BABY GOD!

Plus Im very surprised. one weve been married only 3 months, and 2 im 20 years old! Why would you want me to get married and just pop out babies? My husband and I want to enjoy our alone time ANNNND I want to be selfish and get my sleep. I love to sleep…dont want to give that up yet haha

I tell myself, every time I get a question like this, that they’re just trying to make conversation. But it really is none of their business, and they’ve clearly never had a loved one who struggled with infertility. I think my new strategy will be blunt oversharing. If they’re going to ask a nosy question, I’ll give them a brutally honest reply: “We’re not. The moment my current IUD needs to be removed, he’s getting a vasectomy!” Said with a smile, just before I walk away.

@Latte — yeah, I thought the part about my student loan debt would stop the lady, like um, we’re being responsible and not producing offspring until we’re fiscally stable, but all she said was, “pay it off real quick!!!” Yeah, like it’s that easy — I’ll just pull the 65K out of my Swiss bank account, what was I thinking?!?! Silly me… I had to bite my tongue to stop from asking her if she’d like to pay it off to expedite the babymakin’ …

Maybe there were trying to cover up their sadness of losing a family member with hopes of gaining one. They obviously love you and are excited to have a tot running around again at the holidays. Family will be family and some close knit ones think its a fair question. I know we perceive it as rude but we were raised to be independent women who have careers and pay off loans before they start baby making, many of his family members might have been raised to make babies and they’re curious on why you’re lagging. Just laugh it off and offer a creative solution like your loans.

@Gator — I totally get that. And actually, maybe I took it so badly because even though we’re still just engaged, and in NO way ready for it yet — as the day went on I really did wish I was expecting, just because it would be my way of contributing and maybe making the whole thing a little better. Like, a new life to fill the gap … or something. It’s one of the first maternal twinges I’ve felt. But that was a very private, very personal thought about a private and personal subject.

But there also were 2 other tots running around — a 6 month old (our nephew) and a 10 month old (the deceased’s great grandson). We were not for lack of new life on that sad day. To me, it didn’t make sense why they were being so pushy with me, specifically. They weren’t going up to my FSIL and saying “when are you going to have another baby?”

The whole asking about kids really irks me. Alot. As some one who is likely to have a very difficult, if not impossible likelihood that I’ll be able to concieve and carry, asking me about kids, jsut ices my cupcakes.

People often forget that some people CAN NOT have babies. Not because they don’t want to, but physically can not. And brining it up often makes them feel worse. Argh. I actually had a guy I went out with tell me I was a cold hearted B&^*H because I ‘didn’t want kids’. Needles too say when I busted out the I most likely can’t he felt like a real tool.

Anyways sorry to hijack the thread, just one of my biggest pet peeves.