Is this the worst TV show for women?

The wonderful (“wonderful”) thing about television is that just as soon as you think it has finally reached its nadir - Celebrity Big Brother, Duck Dynasty, Outrageous Celebrity Lookalike Behaviour Caught On Tape 2 - it somehow manages to plumb even further depths.

With that in mind, a round of applause is due for Danish television impresario Thomas Blachman, whose new show - which he has titled, rather modestly, Blachman - is so profoundly depressing it may push even The Swan from the “TV’s most deadeningly sinister creation” pedestal, turning the male gaze from an ephemeral concept into something approaching a panopticon of leering.

Here, let Time’s Melissa Locker explain the show’s concept to you: ''A woman stands naked in a room under a harsh spotlight. She’s not allowed to speak, but must stand quietly while two men sit on the couch and assess her physical attributes as a camera zooms in and out on the body parts they are discussing.''

Blachman evidently devised the format as a way to get men ''discussing the aesthetics of a female body without allowing the conversation to become pornographic or politically correct''. Truly, he is doing God’s work.

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Fortunately for your opinion of Denmark in general, the response was one of widespread disgust.

One local critic and blogger, Lotte Hansen, described Blachman as ''an unsuccessful attempt to intellectualise the Roskilde County Show – the only difference being that the young fillies on view in Roskilde have been replaced by naked women''.

Blachman seemed surprised by the national - and international - uproar when the show aired earlier in the month, because he seems to believe he is broadening the minds of the Danish viewing public: ''Ungratefulness is the only thing that can really wear down the few geniuses who reside in this country. Remember, I am giving you something that you have never seen before. Don’t bite the hand that feeds you.''

He’s right on one front there. I have certainly never seen a man say this on television before, evidently because genius is in short supply in Australia and America: ''Now, I’ve always been an ass man. Would you mind turning around for a moment? Very animated nipples. How does that pussy work for you?''

Perhaps the most depressing thing about the whole affair, however, is that the show was commissioned by a woman.

Sofia Fromberg, commissioning editor for the DR2 network that aired the show, is thrilled by its infamy, telling Britain’s Daily Telegraph: ''One young girl wrote to me to thank me for the show, saying it really helped her body confidence seeing a woman with cellulite.

''Women answered adverts in the paper to come on the show. And they are very happy to do it. They like their bodies and want to show the world them.

''We’ve had one school teacher who is a mum of two and past 40. It’s not controversial.''

Asked whether or not Blachman might be setting gender politics back a few centuries, Fromberg scoffed: ''We are not turning the clock back. All this gender talk has landed us in a place where the female body has become a taboo. This show is not objectifying women. It’s talking about it. Blachman came up with this program as an experiment. He wants to find out what the modern man wants.''

Ah, yes, what does the modern man want? If the volume of jeers, catcalls, whistles and general obscenities I receive when I dare to walk to the shops while wearing shorts is any indication, it seems the modern man wants to comment on women’s bodies at every given opportunity - so you could argue that Fromberg and Blachman are just formalising this situation. Yes, it’s very noble of them.

And perhaps they’re right: if I’ve learned anything from daring to tell men who comment on my ''nice tits'' to get stuffed - that’s the family news site version - it’s that, really, they’re just complimenting me! (And also that I’m a f---ing bitch/uptight slut, but that’s beside the point.) Why can’t I just take a compliment? Why can’t we all take a compliment?

Aaargh, the pirate be mirin' the boobies in monoscopy, an important and scurvy cultural lens for the depth-of-vision privileged.

Commenter

andrewb

Date and time

May 29, 2013, 1:41PM

@AndrewbHoly crap I laughed so hard I just sprayed tea all over my screen!Funny Stuff

Commenter

Vin

Location

Sydney

Date and time

May 29, 2013, 4:19PM

What a disgusting concept! No doubt some bright spark here will decide its a good idea and replicate it like we have with all the other "reality" TV rubbish. What's wrong with the world?

Commenter

David

Location

Kinglake West

Date and time

May 29, 2013, 8:29AM

Many things are wrong with our world. Not only the people who created this show but the people who put it to air, the audience.

Commenter

Mellah

Location

Sydney

Date and time

May 29, 2013, 9:48AM

And also the women who choose to go on this show.

The whole process of just repugnant. I'm no prude. I just fail to see how this contributes anything worthy to society.

Commenter

Guesty McGuest-Guest

Location

Newcastle

Date and time

May 29, 2013, 10:15AM

@Guesty: I don't think it needs to add anything to society, it's 'entertainment'. And people will watch it, and advertisers will pay to have their ads during it, and those people watching will buy those products/services. And the world goes round.

Commenter

Budz

Location

Sydney

Date and time

May 29, 2013, 10:59AM

Tell us exactly who is forcing these poor women to stand there in the first place. If that is the whole premise of the show, then it's a non-starter without them.Sick and tired of the "ladies" walking down the street with their skirt up close to their neck and then complaining when someone notices.

Commenter

Really Really

Location

Geelong

Date and time

May 29, 2013, 11:58AM

Yeah we should have a more tasteful program. I know lets have one about morbidly obese people crawling through the mud while being yelled at by a big boofhead called commando.Much more high class