16 Funny Things I Learned in Kenya

Well I thought it was time to break away from some of the serious stuff I learned in Kenya and share some of the lighter side of our trip. I present to you 16 funny and sometimes disturbing things I learned in Kenya.

If you breed a rooster and a duck you get the ugliest animal on earth. I’ve lovingly named it the “Duooster”.

Walking to lunch and dinner each day dodging live chickens only to eat a meal made out of chicken seems eerily close to living on death row for poultry.

The worst way to attract a wife as a single man is to follow up any question about marriage presented to you with the phrase, “but I’ve lived with this guy for 8 years”. This is guaranteed relationship kryptonite.

Roosters have a crazy ability to tell time. Without fail they do their crowing at 3:30 AM each day. I hate roosters. On a brighter note, I think that one of them has a smoking problem or at least it sounds that way when it winds up to crow each morning so maybe it will die before next year.

Pushing a Safarii Van out of the mud in the middle of the African plains only to come across a lioness 1/8th of a mile from the spot you just got stuck at will make a grown man cry inside.

A man who can cut the grass of a schoolyard with a machete is more of a man than I’ll ever be and also a better guitar player.

Normal people do not eat bugs that could be used as stunt doubles for pterodactyls by grabbing them by the wings and putting them directly into their mouths. Only superhuman men like Moses can do this.

Americans should never drive in Kenya. Some Americans shouldn’t be allowed to drive in America, but no American should drive in Kenya.

During a worship service in Kenya a keyboard with any number of dated sound effects on it is appropriate to be played. It does not matter if it’s in the right key or even appropriate at the time. You can’t hold back the keyboard.

Michael W. Smith is the #1 artist in Africa for 20 years running. His music can be used for background music for any and all purposes including alter calls, weddings, and chastising high students when they talk during a teaching session.

Despite what we as ignorant Americans think, Kenyans can already play basketball. Additionally they will play in their bare feet or sandals and even if they cut their foot and blood pours out of the wound they will not stop playing.

Chickens can hop onto beds and prefer laying next to Takamine guitars.

Taking a bucket shower is hard. Taking a bucket shower and then forgetting your towel and having to make the wet walk of shame is harder.

Kenyans celebrate birthdays by hiding around corners and dumping buckets of water on the heads of the birthday person. I have an ice cream cake.

If you attempt to give a group of Kenyan students candy while standing on the edge of a stage you are putting your life in danger. Think about the scene in A Bugs Life when the ants become aware they out number the grasshoppers if that helps.

In Amsterdam airports woman can clean the men’s bathrooms with men in it. I’m just saying it can happen to you.

Sorry, but every now and then I need to loosen up the spiritual factor and just have some fun. Hope you enjoyed!