Tell me again was it love at first sight
When I walked by and you caught my eye
Didn’t you know love could shine this bright
I’m sorry I ever tried (Deer in the headlights)

Tell me again was it love at first sight
When I walked by and you caught my eye
Didn’t you know love could shine this bright
if life was a game, you would never play nice
if love was a beam, you’d be blind in both eyes
Put your sunglasses on
Cause you’re the deer in the headlights
You’re the deer in the headlights
You’re the deer in the headlights”

Can you guess why I’m pissed? I can’t go into depth regarding the meaning of the lyrics because I don’t know why they were written but regardless of the INTENT, the lyrics definitely cast women in a negative light – specifically, as over-dramatic, man-hating, and manipulative or playing “hard to get”. But it’s not just that – the first two verses completely negate the fact that women have a legitimate reason to carry pepper spray and know how to physically defend themselves. And as a woman who carries pepper spray and has taken self-defense classes, that makes me feel invalidated and as if my bodily safety isn’t worth protecting.

I “get” that it sucks that these nice, well-meaning guys have to “suffer” the repercussions of the “baggage” that some women carry around from abuse and that all women carry (whether they know it or not) from sexism. But how can the woes of these ‘love’-struck boys outweigh what women have to go through on a daily basis in order to be vigilant about protecting their own bodies?!

I’m disgusted that Owl City created lyrics that minimize the gravity of the safety of womens’ bodies and the fear that we live with on a daily basis, and ultimately cast women as the antagonist who are in opposition to these clueless and innocent men who simply want to ‘love’ us.

Men, have you ever had to consider the following?

1. Where to park in regards to a street lamp?

2. Have you ever had to pause inside of a building at night to get your keys out to be able to unlock your car with the utmost speed?

3. Are you careful to only unlock the driver’s door instead of all the doors of your car when entering it? Do you always lock your car doors when inside it?

4. Have you ever had to check under your car or in your backseat before you get near/in it?

5. If walking a lengthy distance, even in the day-time, have you ever periodically checked over your shoulder to see if you were being followed?

6. Have you ever changed your demeanor while walking from a casual stroll to a confident stride with your chin up in order to demonstrate to possible predators that you will put up a fight if tried to take advantage of?

7. Have you ever felt nervous entering your home alone? Or made a lot of noise entering your home in hopes to scare off any thieves or predators that may be inside?

8. Have you ever felt the need to carry pepper spray, a rape whistle, or a kubotan?

9. Do you have dreams of being assaulted or beaten and unable to defend yourself adequately?

10. Have you ever felt powerless when walking somewhere, no matter how you are dressed, because you know your body is being scrutinized and will likely “solicit” comments, inappropriate looks, whistles, and/or crude shouts?

11. Have you ever felt a sense of relief when you walk somewhere with a guy because you know a stranger won’t try to take advantage of you and you probably won’t have any whistles or shouts directed at you?

Men. We NEED you. We need you to speak up and talk about how it isn’t acceptable for women to have to live in fear for their safety. So next time a woman gives you a dirty look after you’ve hit on her when you’ve known her for a total of 120 seconds, realize that it’s probably more than she just “doesn’t like you”. And next time a female friend expresses concern for her safety or her lack of trust in men, don’t say she’s “overreacting” or that she’s “too sensitive”. We have a hell of a lot on our minds.

The second thing that is concerning me is this recent ad from Dove.

Spotted in Oprah Magazine, I immediately noticed a serious problem with this skin care ad. Mirroring the before and after pictures, there are three women who stand in order of darkest to lightest skin. What does this imply? Even if one doesn’t notice this consciously, we still learn something from it. Lighter is better. But not only that! It could also be deduced that blonder, straighter hair is better and that thinner is better. Again, the INTENT of the advertisers isn’t the only concern. There are a number of articles on the web discussing whether or not Dove was purposefully being racist. While that is a legitimate question, in the end the IMPACT of the ad is what matters more. This is why it’s possible for us to not be racist ourselves (as in, participate in the KKK or hate a certain people group) but still be participating in a system that perpetuates racism. If we just go with the flow, oblivious of the impact of our actions, we are keeping racism instilled as a system. Unless we actively go against racism, we are supporting it, whether we intend to or not. While Dove may have not been intending to espouse the idea that “lighter is better” (though this may be argued) they were certainly oblivious to what the article was teaching it’s audience, and in the end, perpetuating racism.

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