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Thursday, April 14

"For only $239 a month..."

I turned on this "box" in my living room for the first time in a number of weeks or so mainly because I subscribed to Netflix and can watch all the really great programs I missed growing up in the 90s and 00s (What ever happened to good TV, like Beany and Cecil!) Talk about disappointment.Oh there were a few decent programs to watch or rewatch but by and large it does seem to be a veritable photonic desert aimed at intellectually dehydrated wanderers.

But what caught my eye in particular was a commercial. Yep. Those things that supposedly act as an oasis for business in Newton Minnow's vast desert. This one implored you to go out, be a man and "rent" a new, gas guzzling Jeep. I say rent because that's all today's leases are, a way for car companies to make even more money for themselves and banks than by simply selling a car to own. But, people are ever the fools and think what they see in the electronic desert is gospel.

The commercial was a standard run-of-the-mill type to me until the disclaimer near the end, you know the one where they run the blurb about terms at 3 times the normal speed or place it on the screen so tiny and so short a time that no one short of Johnny Five could read it let alone understand it.

The pitchman claimed this new life changing Jeep could be yours "for the VERY WELL QUALIFIED" for a mere $239 per month with some disclaiming terms about a down payment, tax and license written in 2 point type for 30 milliseconds on my screen. Then it ended and I presume thousands of George Romero's minions ran out and signed leases for new Jeeps.

But as I thought about the commercial (ignoring the next program, whatever was running at the time) I wondered about that heavily emphasized disclaimer of "VERY WELL QUALIFIED." Phoning a friend who frequents the desert, he told me that usually the terminology is for "well qualified" wanderers and that the "very" must have some significance that escaped him. SO I decided to call a banker (friend) of mine to ask about this apparently new tactic.

Evidently, the banks are now SOOOO worried they will lose money (yeah, right) on bad loans, they had to take steps to make sure the riff-raff, undesirables, unemployed and probably even those non white, sometimes female people didn't take advantage of the gracious godliness of the lenders.

I asked him how that bail out thing was going for PNC (the usury organization he works for). He said they were able, with the help of the government funds (I said, the tax payer funds but he just continued) to acquire a few small banks and make other investments they normally would not have made. I thanked him for his truthiness and hung up.

You see, while the banks have to make sure the people they lend money to, in order to make even more money, must be the utmost, most up-standing, financially secure individuals in these great Corporate States of America, the same certainly doesn't apply to banks.

When the banks had their "little problem" and needed big bucks from Uncle George and Cousin Barry through us, you would have thought those negotiating with the hard luck banks would make sure their clients were as upstanding and dependable as the people the banks want as clients. But you'd be wrong.It's ok for the government to dole out billions to banks that showed no responsibility; banks that wouldn't lend money to themselves because they are so irresponsible with their finances. Yet, Timmy Geithner gave them our money at zero percent interest knowing they more than likely would never pay it back.

But...to get that gas guzzling Jeep from a Company we bailed out because it couldn't manage to be credit worthy, only people who can show they are more dependable than banks can get loans from the banks...nice hypocrisy guys. Makes me want to rush out and rent a vehicle so you can take more of my money. However I ain't "VERY WELL QUALIFIED." My credit rating is probably around 800 and the banks want 801 much to my displeasure (of course my credit rating here is pure fiction, you understand!) I guess I'll have to settle for that used Yugo Barry wants me to buy.

Thanks Georgie, Barry and Timmy, Larry and Hank. Maybe we can repay your kindness and concern and offer the requirement to politicians the banks now require of us. When the War of 2012 starts, maybe we, the lessors, can make sure those who seek to become Congressional lessees of the public, are "VERY WELL QUALIFIED" for a change. (You have to say that last part very, very fast and it should only be on the screen for a half-second!)You can go back to Jerry Springer, now.