Health Secretary: "Mr. Congressman, the population growth rate of our country is very alarming. There is one woman giving birth every thirty minutes." Rep Manny Pacquiao: “We have to stop this very critical problem right away… "FIND THAT WOMAN !!"

An old man was dying. He made his wife promised to bury all his money with him. When he died, a friend of the widow asked her if she carried out his wishes. She said she did……. "I wrote him a check."

Once Sen. Lapid walks into the store and asked the clerk, "May I buy this nice TV?" Sales lady said, "Senator, that’s not a TV, it’s a microwave oven."

The bride was anything but a tidy housekeeper. It didn’t bother her much till one day when her husband called her from the hall, "Hon, what happened to the dust on the table. I had a phone number written on it."

At a lion’s wedding, a mouse greeted d groom, "All the best, Brother! Gud luck! Haha!" The lion got angry, "How dare you call me, brother! Me, a lion and u, a mouse?" D mouse whispered: "I was also a lion before I got married!"

A group of men were sent off to a war. Their wives and girlfriends and families and friends were all waving good bye, exchanging hugs and kisses. The wife of one of them yelled, "You go Big Daddy, if you beat them like you beat me, the war will be over in no time!"

A guy’s mom-in-law came in and said, "Here’s the broom you asked for." "That was fast," he said, "Is that a new model?"

An elderly couple sat through a porn movie 2x. They didn’t leave until the theater was ready to close for the night. "You folks must’ve enjoyed the show," the usher said. "Disgusting," said old lady. "It was revolting," her husband added. "Then why did you sit through it twice?" usher asked. "We had to wait till you turned on the lights," old lady replied. "We couldn’t find my panties, and his teeth was in them!"

Dracula asks God, "May I reincarnate into a white angel with wings and still suck blood?" God said, "OK, I’ll turn you into a KOTEX!"