Greensock Transitions & Rejected Submissions

Nobody Deserves Bad Pie

As if I’m not busy enough with a full time job, studying journalism, writing & maintaining 3 blogs, writing children’s books and trying to get them published, running a household with a husband and 2 cats, maintaining a low FODMAP diet and crocheting a blanket, I’ve decided to push the dog-eared, yet sweetly scented envelope even further and publish my very own magazine.

My husband asks me the question he never seems to tire of asking: “Are you crazy?”

To which my answer is always “Yes”. I’m not sure why, after six years together, he still seems surprised when I bite off more than I can chew.

But my secret is I don’t chew. I gulp. Like a crocodile. Crocodiles cannot chew, did you know that? Well now you do.

So the icing on my Big Gulp is that I’m also starting a new job soon. I’m leaving the ad agency where I currently work and going to one much further away. And by ‘much further’ I mean I’ll have to take the train instead of walking to work.

Now with all of these fingers in all of these pies it means I’m not only extremely busy but my hands are also covered in fruity filling. So in the interest of organisation I have dissected each of my pies and extracted the positives. And then I have compared my positive expectations with the reality of how I will handle them. Look at my pies. Just look at them:

Blueberry Job Pie

Expectation: Since my new job is further away, I can write while on the train to and from the office.Reality: I’ll play games on my phone and miss my stop.

Apple Study Pie

Expectation: Since my husband is studying too, we can study at the same time.Reality: I’ll fall asleep on the couch with a book on my face.

Three Blog Strudel

Expectation: Rely on all of my experiences in day to day life to come up with interesting material.Reality: Have no experiences worth writing about and crawl in to bed and cry about it then gather up whatever crap I find lying around and serve that up instead.

Did you say flan? Or fan?

Cherry Children’s Book Flan

Expectation: Make an effort to spend more time with friends who have kids and observe their behaviour for research purposes.Reality:Get the shits five minutes in and leg it.

Chocolate Magazine Tart

Expectation: Produce high quality content every month and get loads of readers and a huge following.Reality: Produce high quality content every three months and be too tired to market it.

Peach Husband & Cat Cobbler

Expectation: My husband and cats will admire my efforts and be patient and grateful for the little time and attention I can give them, able to see the bigger picture.Reality: My cats will sleep on my face and try to suffocate me as punishment for forgetting to pick up their favourite biscuits, and my husband will say something devastatingly perfect which will induce a huge amount of guilt on my part for being so busy.

Vanilla Household Slice

Expectation: I will pick up after myself as I go so that I am not left with a tonne of housework.Reality: Ever seen Independence Day?

Everything Else Pudding

Expectation: Like that stupid analogy of the jar filled with ping pong balls, everything else will slot nicely around the bigger things.Reality: Ain’t nobody got time for that.

Ha ha ha. Sounds like me today. Pilates. Work. Hair. Takeaway. Cat cuddle. Now blog time. #husbandisbeingignored. Also you can ‘outsource’ your children’s book review to people who work with children so you do not have to spend time on this? You don’t want your furry babies to get jealous!

Haha yes believe me if I could outsource some stuff I would – but I would start with something like cleaning and housework! I think I need a maid. And an assistant. I tried training my cats to answer the phone but it ended in disaster.