SAD, even when both sides are Orcs, the Orc don't manage to win .There DEFINITELY seem to be some new buildings about the board, or, at any rate, ones I don't recall [could be the onset on Imminent Senility however .Another fine Battle Report AND WONDERFUL PHOTOS!

No new buildings as such. Though we have used some lately that hadn't been used much in the past. We've also done a fair bit of "sprucing up" in the lead-up to the Seal of Sigmund campaign though. Some of the pieces were getting a little tatty and needed repairs, others just got some added details like graffiti.

I have another report to write (another game against the Pie Munchers! ) and there was a four-player today (that I didn't take part in). So, hopefully, more news and photos to follow soon!

Kutnoze woke up at the thundering sound of hundred voices claiming for more fight.It took only a second for the big ‘un to realise he was trapped in an iron cage in the middle of a fighting pit.

So Deffgit’s crew had sold him to the pits. That was the payback for him having played easy on them. Sea orcs didn’t really know the meaning of a friendly brawl.Salty zkums! Me’ll show ‘em zoon! And waaaghing loudly Kutnoze hurled himself against the iron bars.A deafening shout erupted from the crowd.

“Look at the brute, gentlemen!” the pit master cried “Let him have his chance against your champion! Enter Athog the Mighty!”

From a concealed gate a morning star wielding gladiator stepped forward, while the cage split open in a metal thunder. Kutnoze sprinted ahead and landed the first blow. The crowd cheered. Athog seemed not to even have felt the blow. He expertly circled Kutnoze, keeping him at a distance and slowly pushing him toward the spiked walls. Kutnoze growled and tried to hit again, just to find the gladiator’s metal gauntlet waiting for his mace. Athog pushed Kutnoze back and sweeping the floor in a swift move blinded the orc with sand. The big ‘un staggered back toward the corner, exactly where Athog wanted him.

The gladiator played with him for a while, deliberately scratching the big ‘un hide with the gauntlet spike. Kutnoze growled in rage, unable to get out of the corner.The crowd was now at the top of excitement, claiming for the killing blow. And Athog gave it to them. His morning star smashed against Kutnoze’s shield and reduced his arm to a mess of flesh and bone fragments.

“So here you have him, gentlemen: Athog the Mighty, victorious once again!”

The pit master voice faded in Kutnoze hears. He had lost his arm, but had also learnt a couple of dirty tricks!

****

Since Oggut had brought Skrag to the band, the young shaman had spent most of his time around the camp or on the outskirts of Vercuso looking for gubbinz in whatever pile of rubbish he could see. But that morning da Scavvy, as the boyz had started to call him, came back to the camp with good news. An oomie wiz had been chased out of town and his tower was unguarded, ready for lootin’. And now that Gormug was no longer around bellowing they had to catch da ‘itty trinket, Uglhog wasted no time in taking ‘em there. They were plundering the garden when a musket cracked and a rain of arrows nailed on them. A bunch of oomiez from the Empire, the lit’l ‘unz and the skinniez were all after them. And worst of all even da bludsucker and his spookiez had showed out. The sudden attack threw da boyz in dismay. One of da gobbos had been turned onto a pin cushion by the sinniez while the rest were shouting at each other. One of the Stinky Gitz forgot he had a bow and charged headlong toward the halflings’ pigs.

Shots where still raining down, but now the skinniez were close enough. All the Skullbashas turned toward them, one of da Smashas knocking off a mate to get closer quickly. Uglhog charged out of his hiding place, lured by the Seal carried by the skinny boss. Another elf stepped forward to protect his master and easily felled da Boss.The fight raged furiously, the skinniez cut their way trough da boyz in a flurry of blows.

Skrag was down, da Smashas and da Stinky Gitz had been cornered against the garden wall and arrows were still following down from everywhere. Oggut looked at Badjaw. The arrer boy was already packing away, and so did the big ‘un. At least he had grabbed a trinket, may be a lucky 'un.

*****

“Ya bog off, runt!” roared Uglhog.

He wasn’t happy da boyz had run away, and to make things from better to worst Snot, da Sneaky Stikkas self declared boss, had decided he deserved a prize for having captured a skinny.

“Me got she, me got she choppas!” the gobbo was now waiving his spear at da Boss.

“Ya wants da choppas? ‘Ere ya got ‘un!”

Snot’s head flight off his neck and landed in front of the remaining Sneaky Stikkas standing behind him. They stared at da Boss in fear.

The gobbos quickly obeyed, their wits gone with Snot. “And ya, boy” Uglhog turned to Kutnoze “go get zum new ladz. An’ good ‘unz or me take yer oder arm!”Definitely, he was not happy with how things were goin’.

*****

Great multi today P) Though I wasn't really happy with how I fared on the battlefield, hasking Tim for a ransom was great fun As usual, new stats!

They called him Ludwig the Unflinchingly Valiant. And they also called him unkillable. He was the brother of Ludwig the Extremely Brave, and thus the uncle of his son, the man who would later be known as the Brave.

He stepped off the boat and strode up to the dockmaster.

“You, sir” he boomed. “I am here to avenge a death. They say my brother was taken, and he still breathes. But I know in my heart that he is dead. I am to kill the fiend that took him from me, the disreputable Darth More”.

The dockmaster was wildly obese, as slow-witted as a comatose troll and emitted a similar stench. He picked his nose, coughed up a gobbet of something green and quivering, and gurgled some Vercuso gibberish. Ludwig snarled.

“I haven't time for your ramblings, man. Just get me a band together. I want the finest men on the island. I want warriors, heroes who would stare death in the face and laugh. I want the best of the best. Tell the city watch to muster in the town square. I wish to inspect them. I am an officer of the Church of Sigmar, and those are my orders”.

Ludwig flashed his holy seal and walked away before the mountainous dockman could respond. The fat man turned to his associate and said in Vercusian: “did you understand any of that?”

Entering VercusoJournal of Kira-Buta, Hoshi of Gork, Year of the Squig

We came off our scutter and da Boyz jibing one another and takin me for a grot thinkin I cant hears em when they quiet talk bout me and bout my scrawlins. Stupid runtfondlers ill shows em on the field when i'm helpin dere sorry behinds with the power of gork.

Da boss Ooinharu says we gotta scout out da area all quiet like. Da boyz start grumblin but get on with it knowin full well what happens when da boss gets angry. Me and Maruihara decide we're hungry and take some food from an empty building we found, (well cept for some humies but dey dont count when they get a good solid smack to the head). Well da boys found nothin and we settled down with a few games of pin the tail on the goblin, they dont likes it much but stuff em they should get bigger and stop us, and then da boss starts to explain why we came to this island....

"Alrite lads, remember that bearded git of a greenskin that raided that village before we could get our hands on it." Ooinharu looked round as he saw the boys bristle at the thought of missing all that loot they travelled so far to cliam just to see that ship flying HIS flag sailing away.

"Thats right, Kommodore Deffgit himself is 'ere and we're gonna give him a royal bashin for stealin our loot wether he knew it was our loot or not. Plus ive 'eard that dere's another group of no good greenskins marchin around prob thnkin dere better than us cal demselves da skullbasha's well we'll show 'em what were made of, that and smash any other dirty gits that get in our way be it humies, beasties or dem ratties."

Ooinharu looked round at his fellow orcs knowing that he had the fastest and sneakiest orcs in the whole of Nippon. Now that they believed they were here to get Deffgit back he could look for this seal thingybob without any of em getting too big for their boots and tryin to claim it for themselves. He smiled to himself as Fundo gave a good 'ard smack to one of the runts and thought he wasn't just the most brutalest of orcs but also had the most cunnings

JagerSquig wrote:

First EncounterJournal of Kira-Buta, Hoshi of Gork, Year of da Squig

Got woken up by Ooinharu screaming at Hissoriashi bout Humies, Hissoriashi found some girl humies not too fars away with big hammers who were walkin through the town. So we gots up and went to blcok em off and give 'em a right good bashin to see if dey knew where Deffgit was. or so da boss said but I noticed a strange look in his eye just like Maruihara does when he sees a big slab of meat to be eaten.

We set up ready to ambush 'em just like our bosses from old taught us til Ooinharu ambushed them and killed 'em off. When dey came in sight 'owever the hunger for combat overcame our training and we leapt like mad squig at the girl humies, corse some of us got in each others way but we got in their eventually. The runts were da first to feel combat tho the nippy gits beaten us to da action. 'Owever they didnt last long before nii and yon were struck down, but we eventually got stuck in. While I was fightin I saw da boss smack fundo down musta been loudmouthin it agen but what did surprise me was Go charged in with the look of Gork in his eye and stood fightin as if he were one of us, better be careful dat one or he'll get a gd smackin from da boss. Eventually da humies legged it but our boss was not happy.

Follow 'em ladsJournal of Kira-Buta, Hoshi of Gork, Year of da Squig

Da boss was not happy not one bit he made me fix up Nii and Yon cos he said we're folowing the she-humies and needed every stinkin bit of green up and ready. So we followed dem for a good few hours and found 'em runnin towards the 'arbour. So da boss said get closer to see what dere so excited about. When we got to da water all we could was some floating crap and bits o' wood that was until one of da girlies dived right in! Dis huge tentacled beast rose from da waters who we would later found out to be called slippery Jack and hes a nasty git. Dat was the last thing I remember before one the girlies gave me a smack round the 'ead....

Ooinharu roared as he saw Kira-Bunta take a blow to the head and fall. He had just witnessed Nii as well the crazy little git dived in the water and get dragged down by the tentacle beast. Suddenly the She-Humie attacked Ooinharu and he was barely able to stop the blow being transfixed by the beast. He wiped the sweat from his brow which was an unfortunate move as the hammer slammed against his temple causing spots to dance before Ooinharu's eyes as he lay on the floor. He looked round and grimaced as he saw the boys were too transfixed by this new menace to fight properly and he called a tactical withdrawal, not running away tho just until he could see again.

Final FightJournal of Kira-Buta, Hoshi of Gork, Year of da Squig

I woke up to everyone running around preparin for anutha fight. Da boss came over and smacked me round da face and told me to 'urry up or he'll feed me to the runts next time im asleep. I recovvurd as fast as I cud then asked what was 'appenin. Seems the she-humies followed us and we were gna see 'em off wiv a good ol' fashioned beatin. Seems that while I was out Hissoriashi impressed da boss and he was given an 'igher rank as he was bossin' da boys about. We charged towards the girlies and were hit by loads of stones as they fired dere slings at us from up 'igh.

Eventually we got to the building dey were stood on and 2 of 'em dived down! Thinkin dey could take on us orcs we soon gave em a bashin not before fundo was taken down tho. Soe of us eventually got up and started givin em a kickin before a stone smacked me in da 'ead again. I musta still not been ready cos it sent me to ma knees and I couldnt get back up but before I blacked out agen I saw the girlies leggin it and we beat 'em up agen

Damn you, dear readers. Damn you to rot in Davy Jones' prawn-swaddled belly. We urged you, we clamoured at your doors and shouted upon the streets. We published that you should rise and cast these wretched invaders from our shores; but there have been no glorious mutinies, no valiant clashes with these stench-ridden charlatans.

But lo, your failings as citizens of Vercuso is small news when placed next to what has occurred over the island in the weeks gone by. But first, we offer an apology to you, our dearest readers, for we have been lax and idle in our journalistic efforts. It has been many moons since our last issue, but the fault is not completely our own. For you see, strange and ghoulish happenings are rife about the island, as you, dear readers, are probably aware. It was not one day after our latest issue had gone into circulation that our editor was dragged from his office by a winged creeper, pulled through the window and never heard from again.

And it was for seven days and seven nights thereafter, upon the stroke of midnight, that the hellish fiend would return to the editor's sill and squawk like mad. We, as concerned citizens, feared that such a beast would soon turn its eye to the general populace, so we alerted the authorities. The commander of the town watch was unavailable for comment as he was attending his trial to answer allegations of corruption and incompetency. His aide had this to say: “It is of paramount importance that the civilians understand that there are no bogeymen wandering the streets at night. These tales of monsters and daemons are just foul rumours stirred up by the new arrivals. Vercuso has been one hundred percent crime free ever since our glorious commander took office. Anyone who says otherwise is wrong, and will be arrested accordingly”.

And that very night our offices were besieged by a horde of the rotting undead. These bogeymen, that apparently do not exist, dear readers, are here, and they are legion.

Trouble is brewing, as trouble always does brew on Vercuso. This fabled relic, this Seal of Sigmund, has been found. It was an elf by the name of Darth More, a man who has touched the depths of depravity and come out laughing. There were whispers abound that it had been spotted by the docks by a beggar, and so this cursed thinling descended upon him with murder in mind. The valiant half-wit, Hansel, and his band of self-righteous witch hunters gave their all in protection of the beggar, but to no avail. The vagrant was slaughtered, the templars routed, and the Naggarothians made away with the Seal. Hansel was later seen running directly toward Slippery Jack, and this was the last reported sighting of him clothed.

And with the Seal found, it was thought that the citizens of Vercuso could breathe a sigh of relief.. The artefact would be long gone and thus there would be no foreseeable reason for these troublemakers to stay. But no, dear readers, the foul elves stayed, the fighting continued and grew more fierce. Skirmishes still broke upon our streets. Vendors were maimed and properties were damaged. The Skullbashas, the Ogresuns, Cormorant and his men, the fell creature Raziel, all continue to make trouble.

And new arrivals have been seen. Mercenaries in yellow and purple garb were spotted earlier this week. Rumours are circulating of fresh orcs, sailing on the wild seas, that will be here by the week's end.

What are we to do, dear readers? Will you rise up, will you defend your homes, or will you cower meekly in the corners of your vandalised houses?

The decision is yours. Take up the sword, or die by it.

Campaign Update:

So Dave won the first month's prize , The Ring of Urban Understanding, by having the largest warband increase for that month. But now it's a whole new kettle of fish. Whoever's warband rating has increased the most since the start of week five, up until Sunday the 5th of April, will receive the next prize. And this one will be bigger and better than the last.

At the moment it's Cormorant and his boys who are vastly ahead of everybody else, after Phil's spate of really quite radical advances. Our saviour lies in the unlikely form of Tim and his dark elves, who, even though still a way behind Phil, is the only one within reach of overtaking him. But with the Seal already in his possession, does Tim need any more fancy items?

Saul has the highest rating of us all, but it was already quite high at the end of week four, so not much of an increase. Did he peak too early, perhaps?

Viktor's warband growth has begun to slow a little, but is still rising at a steady pace. If he can have a few good games he may well be up for the prize – something I'm sure he wants after only missing out last time by six points.

Dave's progress is a mystery as he hasn't posted a rating in some weeks.

Andy's rating has fallen as much as everyone else's has risen.

And with Joe and Liam entering the campaign this Friday, could they turn out to be the wildcards?

You enter the bounty office. There's a faint smell of sweat in the air and a shifty looking man is playing with a dagger in the corner. The notorious 'Big Vera' is sat behind a desk loaded with papers. She's a massive woman, and the look on her face is one of open contempt towards you. What did you expect - this is Vercuso's infamous bounty office.

Have you got a score to settle that you feel you can't get settled by yourself? Has someone wronged you in the past? Do you need someone dead? Then stick a bounty on their head, sit back, and watch the blood flow. Gold crowns, items or anything else you think you can trade are acceptable.

Active Bounties:

1 piece of treasure for Fishgutz the orc pirate.Provide evidence of termination to Cormorant Ram's Eye. (This is to prevent him comitting a foul act of murder in the future. So he does deserve it - even if he doesn't deserve it quite yet!)

The spray from a turbulent and confused green sea swept over the gunwales and soaked the crew of the massive Orc Pirate gunboat. The Ogresuns toiled and ropes and pullies, securing the many mortars, carronades and cannon that lined the heavy ship's gunports, ensuring none could break loose to wreak havoc on the pitching deck.

Deffgit paced back and forth along the quarter deck, rubbing the aching muscle of his right shoulder and grimaced slightly. The twinge of pain brought back memories of a battle fought five decades earlier.

"There was this time when those zoggin 'obbits was looting our stash." he began "We had a few chests of booty stashed around town, for a rainy day like, and they’d got wind of 'em and come hunting. That Burgler of Cormorant’s, what was his name Ogbad?" he said.

"Um… was it Turnip? Or the other one… Big Ronnie?" said Salty Ogbad.

"Aye, that was the bla’guard: Big Ronnie. Oh, he ran us a right merry dance while his mates showered us with Hunting Arrows!" said Deffgit.

"We nearly had him a couple of times though" said Ogbad "we chased 'im though a back-alley and round a barricade but 'ee jumped in the harbour and wriggled and squirmed up a storm-drain pipe. Took a bit o' our treasure with 'im too."

"Didn’t you get shot that day Kommodore? Wasn’t it Cormorant 'imself what got you, as I recall." said the Goblin who called himself Dead Pirate Rog'Urtz. "Right in the… Urk!"

The was a loud "Splosh!" as Rog'Urtz got his annual bath a month early.

“It weren’t all bad news back then though – remember that time when the Port Watch started using volley-fire tactics?” said Deffgit with a grin, “To begin with it was just for the noise of firin’ simultany… simuslaneously… all at the same time, but once they’d got the hang o’ it they found they was dropping enemy warriors like flies!”

Barnacle Nog laughed and banged on the cabin table, sloshing grog out of tin mugs onto the maps and charts scattered over the coarse wooden surface. “It was them Witch Hunters they first shot up!” he cried. “Their leader was intent on the flotsam that the spring tide had washed into the harbour and he weren’t watching out what was happenin’ around him.” he continued.

“Yaarr, that’s the one. The Port Watch Boyz fired two or three quick volleys and took out, what was his name? Was it Hansel Pigkiller? Yeah, took him out and the Witch Hunter who was just behind him.” said Deffgit.

Nog laughed again “Aye, it was just as they was going to jump into the dark waters, with Slippery Jack at his hungriest and most active back then, that was a rash deed and no mistake!”