The Annual Poke and Grope

As is the case with any group of humans, not everyone in the medical community agrees on whether people should get an annual physical or not.

If you are healthy and between the ages of 30-40, a health checkup every other year is sufficient. However, from age 50 on, the medics recommend getting an annual physical. The problem is if you are taking prescription medication, the doctor wants to see you annually.

Men are less inclined to schedule a doctor’s appointment than women. This is especially true if a guy suspects something may be wrong. They seem to believe, if they ignore the problem, then the truth remains an unknown.

Among our circle of friends, there were two such stubborn guys. What they had in common boggles the mind. Each of them assumed they had cancer. Their assumptions were never confirmed but had they gone to the doctor the actual problems might have been fixable or contained.

In any case, ask any woman, and she will state that physicals for guys have fewer negative aspects than for females. Think about it. The doctor checks the man’s vitals and at some point tells him to bend over. Not exactly a comfortable moment, but Hubby’s wry response was typical for him.

When the doctor finished the poking part, Hubby asked. “Do any of your patients ask you to do that again?” Our doctor is a religious man. It would have been worth a crisp Benjamin to see and hear the doctor’s response. But then, Hubby always said things which either made folks laugh or grimace. A trait he shared with his wife.

Back in the days when most physicians were general practitioners and some even made house calls, those who specialized in a specific field were the exception. As medical knowledge advanced, the specialists multiplied. It makes sense to become a heart or brain or neurosurgeon. What this lady could not understand is why someone would choose a profession which entailed looking at posteriors day in and day out.

Not unlike Hubby in this regard, she asked the doctor who performed our colonoscopies why he chose that particular field.

“I wanted to help people.”

Perhaps a person with such a compassionate mindset can manage to look past all the sizable posteriors that roll his way.

The older we are, the more tests doctors dream up for our discomfort. Be aware that the tests may be the least of your problems. Your physician may be in one convenient location, but the fun of driving all over town for various tests is frustrating.

For example, one doctor scheduled a test at a location apart from the doctors’ building. Full of confidence she could find the other office, this lady looked up the address and put it into her car’s GPS. When the machine stated “You have arrived at your destination,” she looked up to find a gas station.

Briefly, she wondered if this was yet another case of multiple usages for gas stations. Fill up your tank and get a medical procedure. She called the doctor’s office. “I’m supposed to be in your office right now, but the car GPS sent me to a service station.”

According to the helpful receptionist, GPS in cars is not always up to date. Only smartphone navigation systems are reliable. The information and the correct directions she gave helped get the patient to the proper location promptly. However, since she used so much gas to reach the wrong place, perhaps the car system had an ulterior motive besides misguidance — selling gas.

Several days later, while walking into the Mammography office, an idea flashed in her brain. It would help if some of the medical offices had amusing rather than clinical names. After all, if you have to endure tests, a smile on your face would make it easier.

For example, going for the annual squish would be more entertaining if the office name read: The Boobery. Upon entering the office and seeing all the clients in the waiting room, we borrowed phrasing from William Shakespeare.