03 October 2007

Boundary violations

Last night I attended the meeting of a step-study group I rarely attend, even though it is within walking distance of my house (they meet at my church and that sometimes makes me uncomfortable). Two women shared similar things that made me shudder. One said she checks her 17-year-old daughter's cell phone at night after her daughter falls asleep. Presumably to see whom she's been talking with. The other admitted that she goes through her 17-year-old daughter's pocketbook every night. I was immediately 17 years old again myself and imagining my reaction if I learned my mother was going through my stuff. Not a pretty picture.

I remember once I "borrowed" a CD from one of my daughters without asking. She had a conniption when she found out. And justifiably so, I thought. And still think. My bad, totally my bad!

The latter woman is a friend of mine and I spoke to her about it afterwards. Fortunately, the first thing I did was ask if her daughter knew she does this. Fortunately, because the answer was, "Yes," and that makes it much less unacceptable—in my eyes anyway. It still seems to me like a violation of her daughter's boundaries, but somehow the fact that her daughter knows she's doing makes it seem much less invasive.

I guess I'm particularly sensitive to things because I think that's a big part of what's going sour in my relationship with Nimue: continual boundary violations. Sigh!

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About Me

Contact me—via either e-mail or Gmail chat—at namenlosen dot trinker at gmail dot com (replace ' dot ' with '.' and ' at ' with '@'). What I show as my birthday on my profile is actually my sobriety date.

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The opinions expressed are my own and not those of anyone else (though they should be). Absolutely nothing contained herein is intended or should be construed as being affiliated with Alcoholics Anonymous or as being representative of the opinion of Alcoholics Anonymous.

Dramatis personae

• A Zany Billiard — Sister-in-law, married to BassMan I

• Abbott — The Rock's first sponsor

• AdenineLush — Current Area Delegate

• Alf — Step-son

• Amadeus — Brother-in-law

• Banner Sky — Not a person; a nearby bar I never drank in, though I'm not sure why—it was just my kind of cheap dive

• BassMan I — Brother

• Bear — Former DCM who unexpectedly died in Feb 2007

• Bitter Cookie — Ex-wife

• Bumblebee — a sponsee, now deceased as a result of his alcoholism

• Calked Marlin — Garden-variety drunk

• ChinBeard — an old A.A. friend

• Cumulonimbus — Close personal friend and former drinking buddy who spent four years in A.A.

• Dad — My father

• Dancing Bear — Long-time pigeon

• Deadbeat Dad — Wife's ex-husband, who at one time really was one of the biggest child support deadbeats in the state

• Dean-o — Brother-in-law, married to Sis

• Diego — One of Dancing Bear's sponsees

• Doppelganger — Brother

• Ferdinand — Brother

• Graven Latte — A very close friend and recovering alcoholic in general service

• HennaLoge — Sister-in-law, married to Doppelganger

• Idlerich — Ex-wife’s boyfriend and now husband

• J.J. Rangstorm —My first service sponsor, though I didn't know that's what he was at the time

• LaTroy — Step-daughter

• Lloyd Right — a double-trouble sponsee, now deceased

• Luigi — another recovering alcoholic

• Macron Larks — My [non-alcoholic] therapist

• Mobs Sissy — Step-daughter

• Mom — My mother

• Mr Riches-to-Rags — one of my newer pigeons

• Ms Sobriety — Long-time sober friend & high school sweetheart

• Nimue — Wife (soon to be ex-wife)

• Nonces Juicy — First cousin and wife to Cumulonimbus

• OneEighty — Sister-in-law, married to Ferdinand

• Overseer — Temporary pigeon as of October 2007

• Painter — Daughter

• Placido — Brother

• Ralph — My second sponsor

• Revson — Son-in-law, married to S-Cat, , father of my four grandchildren

• Rock, The — Current sponsor

• S-Cat — Daughter, married to Revson, mother of my four grandchildren