The Sneaky Spats of Sneaking for Sneaky Sneaks

The Sneaky Spats of Sneaking slipped into the TF2 universe on the slick shoes of the Spy on seventeenth May 2012. Spats are traditionally used to protect shoes from mud and water, so this supposedly allows a sly Spy to slither among the ranks of enemies through harsh terrain with nary a scratch on the smooth leather. The slippery rogue will have an untarnished pair of shoes fit for the dance floor after a frenzy of stabs and slashes when he swings by the nightclub later that evening,

Spats fit for a suave charmer. For comparison, a less classy Spy without adequate shoe protection on the left.

The Slippery Spats of Slipping is a layer of white leather over the Spy’s default shoes with a row of three dark grey buttons on the outer side of the shoes. As mention above, spats are used to keep shoes clean. However, considering how the shoes look perfectly fine and pristine after a short visit to the Resupply Cabinet even after setting the Spy on fire, it might be more of a fashion statement rather than for a practical purpose, just like every other cosmetic item in the game. Although I shudder to think what kind of fashion statement anyone wearing the Creature’s Grin is trying to make. Near-lethal body mutilation?

I don’t get it. Why does Pyro get the most adorable AND the most horrifying cosmetics?

This, along with the Couvre Corner are one of those cosmetics that are extremely subtle, in sharp contrast to cosmetics like the Potassium Bonnett. In fact, you could be forgiven for not noticing them and thinking that said Spy was just poor and Irish. The Shaky Spats of Shaking is really, really hard to notice as it is on the feet. Despite what your shoes salesman might tell you, no one is going to look at your shoes on the battlefield, especially when most of the time, you are either disguised, invisible, or behind someone’s back ready to stab.

Thus, I can’t really give loadout suggestions for this thing. It’s a nice little cosmetic for rounding off two-cosmetics cosmetic loadout if you don’t want to leave a cosmetic slot blank, since it’s really unobtrusive. In general it shouldn’t conflict with any cosmetic loadout since it is just a simple layer of material over the Spy’s shoes. And if there are any cosmetics you’re building a loadout around, you can paint it so that the colour scheme is consistent with it as well. Its subtlety gave it a lot more flexibility than probably any other cosmetic that exists now and in the future.

Proudly sponsored by whatever big-name crayon company out there.

Some of you might ask, what happens if you paint it black?

The three buttons on each shoe are still visible, and there is still a distinct layer although it’s the same colour as the shoe. But let’s face it, painting it black makes a barely visible cosmetic practically invisible. Just … just don’t. If you need it to be black you can just not equip the Squeaky Spats of Squeaking. And I probably will not need to explain why it’s a bad idea to paint it white. To put it this way, it’s like giving Pyro an unlock that grants him afterburn immunity.