Monday, March 28, 2011

Changing teams is something I've considered for a long time, even before my husband and I split. [TMI] I'd ponder what it would be like to run my hands over a totally different, yet strangely familiar body; to take the time to know the inner workings of a similar mind; to spend days getting to know each other, touching each other, and trying to see what the younger generation takes for granted: that you don't have to be opposites to attract.

What the hell, it's 2011. People have let their guards down. It happen all the time. It's no longer taboo. You see it everywhere, right? Like on TV, in cafes, on airplanes, and, of course, in the privacy of bedrooms. I've always thought it looked sexy and admit I've been tempted, but it was never the right time or place and, to be honest, I wasn't sure if it was for me. Plus, what would my family think? My friends, neighbors, employer? [You work for yourself, you dumbass.]

Eff them. I'm not getting any younger, so I figured, what the heck! I may as well give it a shot. Life's too short to miss out on "true love" or to worry about what others think. Therefore, I've thrown caution to the wind and jumped on this new and exciting bandwagon. That's right, my friends, I've officially changed teams! [BFD. I'd rather watch water boil.]

My new girlfriend's smoking hot, unbearably sexy, and loves my every touch and caress. I can barely stand to leave her alone for a minute. In fact, she's so tantalizing, my boyfriend's not even jealous. He says he doesn't mind as long as he can get it on a bit of that spicy two-on-one action from time to time, and, who am I to deny him such a "Bucket List" opportunity? [If you left him alone with your new squeeze, his experience would be far more memorable.]

I'm sure, by now, you're dying to see a picture of the object of my affection. I've asked her if I could post a photo, but unlike Charlie Sheen or Lindsay Lohan, she's not an attention whore. She thinks that's "Losing!" not "Winning!" However, she acquiesced when I told her I'd let her pose naked. (She's a free spirit; hates wearing clothes.) Oh, and did I mention she's quite a bit younger than me? [Cradle robber.] I figured if guys can go after sweet, young things, why can't I? [You know you can do jail time for that, right?]

So, ladies and gentlemen, here she is... My latest piece of glorious arse; the love of my life; a gal who loves doing it in positions I didn't even know existed:

So, what do you think? Pretty awesome, right? Oh, wait, sorry, I posted the wrong picture. That's me about three months ago. [BWAHAHAHAHA!]

Hold on, I promise it'll be worth your wait. My real new squeeze is WAY hotter than Ms. Brown Bikini over there.

Okay, folks, here she is in all her naked glory! Ms Sophia Mariella Julietta MacBook Pro!!!!! (She's a full-figured 13 inches, but that's alright. Heck, my last love had nearly 15 inches, and I had no problems handling that!)

I know, gorgeous, right? And, trust me when I tell you, the things she can do would make a sailor blush. I can barely wait to explore her ins and outs, so to speak, so that we can give each other the fullest amounts of pleasure known to mankind. [Your "girlfriend" is a freaking computer? WHAT a let down, not that I'm surprised. I mean, what gorgeous lipstick lesbian would be lame enough to be with you?]

If you'll excuse me, it's getting a bit warm in here. I think I need a quickie with the new object of my affection. And, although I gave up smoking years ago, I just may need a cigarette after our little tryst...

What about you? Have you changed teams? Are you glad you did it? Tell me all the juicy details if you dare.

Monday, March 21, 2011

First of all, my sincere thanks to everyone who counted themselves in to help me donate to the tsunami disaster in Japan. In all, 22 people stepped up to the plate and were counted in. Therefore, I'll be donating an additional $110 to the relief efforts. Thank you all so much, and to the people of Japan: may you continue to heal physically, spiritually, and emotionally.

Secondly, I've done my best to be honest about the dissolution of my marriage. I've shared the heartbreak, anger, doubts, jealousy, and deep sadness I've experienced throughout these past eleven months. In so many ways, time truly heals all. The process has been slow and painful, but I now feel stronger, more clear-eyed, and more joyful than ever.

Now I'm Ready to Start I would rather be wrongThan live in the shadows of your songMy mind is open wideAnd now I'm ready to startfrom Ready to Start by Arcade FireDue to this situation, one of the issues I've had to address is my name.

Question: What's in a name?

Answer: A lot.

Your name is deeply tied to your identity. In many ways, it's how you know yourself and how others know you.

In the case of divorce, do you keep your ex's last name, and if so, why? For the sake of the kids? Because it's easier? Because you're used to it? For a writer, your name takes on an additional meaning since it's also your brand. Brands are important for marketing purposes. If you're already published, changing your name is a far trickier endeavor. I'm lucky in that I can make this change before I sell billions and billions of books.

To find a solution to the name game, I considered three possibilities:

1) Keep my ex's last name. (A name I've used for longer than I care to admit.)

2) Use my maiden name. (A name I haven't used in longer than I care to admit.)

3) Create a pen name. (I've done this with my music. It's fun, but rather confusing. I kind of felt like Sybil.)AND THE WINNER IS...!After much thought on this subject, I've decided to use my maiden name. This has been a difficult decision, but one I feel is the best choice under the circumstances.

So, ladies and gentleman, please allow me to introduce myself:

I am... DEBRA LYNN LAZAR!

So, what do you think? And, how about you? Have you ever had to deal with a name change? If so, how did it go?

Monday, March 14, 2011

This week, I'm dedicating my blog to the people of Japan. The inconceivable pain and devastation they are experiencing individually, within families, communities, and as a country is beyond my wildest comprehension.

Please take a few moments today, this week, and until Japan is restored to its' glorious, vibrant self to donate, say a prayer, meditate, or do whatever it is you feel comfortable doing to forward the healing process for our global neighbors.

If you'd like to make a monetary donation, here are a few links I've found:

HERE'S ANOTHER QUICK AND EASY WAY TO HELP:Just write: COUNT ME IN! in the Comment Section.

To honor my commitment to contribute as much as I can towards relief efforts in Japan, I will make a $5 contribution for every "COUNT ME IN!" comment I receive, here on my blog,my FB page, and/or on my Twitter page through this Sunday, 3/20. I invite all of you in the Social Media Communities to join me in this effort. Together, we can make a difference.

Sunday, March 6, 2011

As opposed to tall, dark, and handsome, the object of my affection is short, light, and nondescript. It's unpredictable, mysterious, and intriguing; frustrating yet invigorating, peaceful yet thrilling. It's convoluted and clear-eyed, and it's sweeping me off my feet.So, who's this secret lover who has rocked my world and made me feel like a teenager again? You guessed it. I've fallen in love with my new WIP.

Although my previous paramour - the one AA is reviewing - is YA, my new lover is women's fiction. Older, wiser, more mature, and better in bed.

In order for women's fiction to be captivating, a beguiling heroine is mandatory. It's here I feel I've struck the jackpot. What's so striking about my new leading lady? Her dark hair, brown eyes, and alluring body, of course, but mostly her mind. She's kind, sarcastic, wounded, frail, funny, and vulnerable. She's on a journey of self-discovery; of redefining who she is and what her life's about. I have a feeling she'll stick it to the characters in her story who've wronged her, and, really, what's more attractive than a powerful, sexy woman beating the crap out of past demons? (I mean, besides Ashton Kutcher with his shirt partially unbuttoned?)Where was I? Oh, yes. Writing is magical. There's no rhyme or reason to where the ideas come from. When we writers sit down at the computer each day, we have no idea what, if anything, will appear on the intimidating blank page. And, yet, we somehow know if we give ourselves over to the power of our art - and not try to "understand" or "force" it - magic happens.

Right now, for me the magic is one of the greatest in the world: I've fallen in love again. Life imitates art imitates life imitates art...