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The extreme gift of being single

The extreme gift of being single.

You’re actually already in the most important relationship of your life.

You were born in it and you will die in it, how you spend it is up to you. It is both the most rewarding and most challenging relationship you will ever experience.

It has the potential to make us feel blissfully connected or desperately alone.

If you are single, this time you have right now is an absolute gift. Not everyone gets it. Use it wisely. Don’t underestimate the power this window will have on the rest of your life.

The person you will attract when you truly love yourself will be completely different to the one you’ll attract if you don’t.

If you don’t love yourself first, saying “I love you” to someone else is the equivalent of saying “I need you to feel loved”. Every human needs love and if your love is tied up in someone else being around then you absolutely run the risk of losing it. Even if the relationship lasts until the day they die. Morbid thought, but actually a pretty practical one too.

If your love comes from yourself first, then you will never be left alone – you will never find yourself out of love. You will never feel completely broken, for your wholeness comes from within, not from needing someone else to feel it.

This doesn’t mean life and relationships won’t hurt you (they’re how we grow, that bit is kinda unavoidable) but it does mean that you won’t break into a million pieces with no idea how to put them back together if you love yourself first.

So many of us spend our single years longing for sometime in the future, spending it focused on finding that person who will complete us. And the bonkers thing is that after a while of being in a relationship (once the honeymoon period is done and dusted) many can’t shake that feeling of something being ‘missing’. Not quite able to put our finger on it, and so (because relationships are mirrors) we turn our finger and point it at the person in front of us (damn you mirror). But really, that something ‘missing’ is just a reflection of what we are not giving ourselves.

Our relationships are merely mirrors, so if you want someone to adore you, you must first adore yourself. If you want someone to support you, you must first support yourself. If you want someone to give to you, you must first give to yourself.

I invite you to find a way to see this time you have right now as a gift. A gift of time to fall in love with yourself (or if that sounds too sappy how about “learn to love yourself”). To give yourself everything you long someone else to give you.

That includes the basics like: flowers, taking yourself to nice places… aaaaaaaaand it also includes the way you talk to yourself and the way you look at yourself in the mirror.

9 Comments

Hey Tiana, I love semi-precious crystal stone rings the most and feel like they kinda choose me! I have picked up so many over the years from all over the world but mainly from crystal shops or market stalls 🙂

Rebecca, what a beautiful blog post this is. I’m not single, but I’m totally obsessed with loving myself as much as I possibly can, and am in full agreement with you that even the way you look at yourself in the mirror matters. It’s soooo important to have a relationship with yourself that’s full of love and respect. I think many of our problems nowadays come from people not really LOVING who they are, LOVING the body they’re in, and LOVING the lives they live. I also love what you said here: “Our relationships are merely mirrors, so if you want someone to adore you, you must first adore yourself. If you want someone to support you, you must first support yourself. If you want someone to give to you, you must first give to yourself.” Great post, thank you for writing it and inspiring me to love myself even more 🙂 xoxo