I just got back from getting lab work done. I am dysfunctional at the moment. I can’t remember words. It’s terrifying and happens frequently. I’ll be trying to write and I know what I want to say but I can’t remember the word. I’ve also been losing my balance. My face goes numb (cheeks). I get migraines. I’m cold all the time. And, as usual, I’m exhausted. I’m freaking out thinking it’s a brain tumor or something (it’s so not). It might just be side effects of the medications I’ve been put on, but I am hoping I’ll find out soon. This is scary.

A Very Rockstar Holiday Season isn’t completely finished but it shall be yours this week, come hell or high water — and pending the publishers, too, as they’re on holiday through the new year.

“They’re too young to eat candy. We are *not* taking them trick-or-treating,” Lucy tells them.

Xander pouts. “But… they’d get extra candy because they’re so cute.”

Lucy rolls her eyes. “No.”

“The least you could do is let me dress them up,” Xander replies.

Lucy looks him up and down, arms crossed. Her gaze slides over to Jesse’s and he just holds up his palms in a “don’t even get me involved” pose. She rolls her eyes again and huffs.

“Fine. But nothing permanent and nothing that isn’t organic. I don’t need Kierah or Konnor getting another rash.”

Xander nods with each direction, grinning like a loon. “Excellent!” He rubs his hands together and takes off toward the nursery.

Lucy looks over to where Jesse, Kennedy, and Ethan are standing, looking at her dumbstruck.

“I just made a mistake, didn’t I?” she asks, cringing.

Ethan nods and mouths, “Yep.”

“Crap.”

***

“Dude,” Kennedy says when he walks into Xander’s room thirty minutes later. “Lucy’s going to either love you or hate you for this. There will be no in between.”

Xander nods. “I know, but this is epic, right? I mean, look at them!”

“It’s a good thing they had four of them instead of three,” Ethan tells them.

“Nah,” Xan replies. “I’d have gone a different way.”

“When are you gonna show Luce?” Kennedy asks.

Xander grins big. “No time like the present.”

***

“Lucy,” Xander calls out.

“Done so soon? It better not give them a rash!” she replies.

“Yes, and all organic. No rashes. You ready?” he asks.

“Everyone’s already here, they’re just in the studio. Let me get everyone together because I have a feeling this is going to be something the whole family is going to want to see.”

“Perfect. Fifteen minutes,” Xan responds, then bolts back to his room.

“Oh boy,” Lucy whispers.

***

“Presenting: The Kingston K Quads!” Xan shouts. “Kaid!”

Both of them are wearing black stretchy pants and a black and red tight tee along with black Chucks… and a mustache… yeah, the pornstache kind.

“Oh boy,” Lucy whispers with a laugh.

Then music starts to play. Queen. Bohemian Rhapsody. Everyone snickers. Then Xander starts singing along with it, holding Kaid, back to chest, and maneuvers his arms.

“Is this the real life?

Is this just fantasy?

Caught in a landslide,

No escape from reality”

He continues through the entire song, complete with head-banging a baby Kaid.

When Xander and Kaid exit the room, everyone’s laughing and talking about how awesome that was.

***

Five minutes later Xander shouts, “Konnor!”

Faith by George Michael starts playing and everyone grins.

Out come Xander and Konnor with blonde George Michael wigs, fake earrings, white pants, white Chucks, and a white tee that says “Make It Big.”

“Well I guess it would be nice

If I could touch your body

I know not every-body

has got a body like you

baaa-bay!”

They both dance and wiggle and giggle, working the room, and Ethan laughs so hard he’s got tears rolling down his face.

When it’s over, Ethan gives them a standing ovation, still laughing.

***

Another five minutes later Xander shouts “KILLIAN!”

Out come Xander and Killian, decked out in Prince’s purple suit, black wigs and a short beard.

Kiss by Prince begins to play.

“You don’t have to be beautiful

To turn me on

I just need your body baby

From dusk till dawn”

They dance and work it and each time Prince sings “kiss”, Xan puts Killian’s hand to his lips and Killian kisses his hand then blows.

“He must have been working on that for a while,” Jesse comments with a grin.

“That is so adorable!” Meggie bounces.

When it’s over, they all clap and cheer.

***

“I am dying to see what he does with Kierah,” Sera says excitedly.

“I can only imagine,” Cage replies.

“It’s going to be amazing!” Meggie tells them.

Closer to ten minutes later, Xander announces, “Kierah!”

Both Xander and Kierah enter the room decked out in ripped fishnet stockings, high top Chucks, a mini skirt black, pink short tank and one of those off-the-shoulder sweatshirts- purple. They’ve both got long messy hair wigs with a ribbon holding the hair back from their faces. Let’s not forget the gloves with the fingers cut out, bangle bracelets, big cross necklace, and dangly earrings.

Well, folks… it’s like this: This isn’t just anybook I’m working on. You all know this. This is Xander and Tera that I’m working on now. Remember: I have to make sure to tie up all the loose ends because, honestly, I want their happily ever after to be complete with this book which means no novellas for them as I’m reaching the end of the series. And think of all the details I have to make sure are correct from all the novels(7), novellas(1), and short stories(5) written– this takes time.

I’m not making excuses, merely letting you know I’m working on it at a pace that feels right for me and the story.

I will not rush to finish this book.

If I did that, it wouldn’t have all the “feels” in it because I would be writing it just to finish it and not putting my soul into it. That’s not fair to the characters and, honestly, it’s not fair to me because I try very hard to put out the best book I can.

I don’t have a date and won’t announce one until the first draft is complete.

As I can only write so fast, I’d like to–once again–ask for your patience.

To be kept up to date on all announcements, keep following this page, subscribe to my newsletter, follow me on social media, join the AM Famiglia group on Facebook where you’ll get all the information PLUS exclusive content. It’s an active group and one filled readers who’ve become friends and, even, family.

Today another author had a post on her blog about depression and her battle. It’s a battle we never win, but she’s inspired me to tell you all my story. Here goes.

The last four months have been dark ones for me. Very dark and lonely… even though I’m surrounded by so many people. One mistake triggered the darkness, my ugly depression that’s haunted me since a very young age.

It’s felt as if one mistake has turned me into a failure, one mistake has damaged the self-esteem I worked so hard to get, one mistake has taken so much from me I can no longer see the light. Throw in newly diagnosed illnesses and “friends” erasing you from their lives, and *ding ding ding* depression is the winner. Depression amplified every negative feeling at least ten-fold.

Now, I’m good at putting on a brave face, pretending to be what and who I’m supposed to be. This time I couldn’t even do that. I haven’t wanted to do all the things that make me happy: talk with you all, read, and, most importantly, write. The stories are there, I just haven’t been able to bring myself to rest my hands on the keyboard and bring them to life. I’ve wanted to sleep, binge watch Netflix and forget about everything…I’ve wanted to be numb. It’s easier to feel nothing than to feel the pain.

The writer’s retreat I went on? It’s pulled the string on the blinds and the light is starting to creep in. It’s shown me that I’m not alone in this. It’s not just me. Depression is a bitch and she is not my friend. She’s no one’s friend. She’s a weakness we can’t control, one that drags us down into nothingness and makes us stay there whether we want to or not.

Now comes the hard part–the crawling toward the light, inch by inch, until I’m able to step into the sun, step into life, tilting my head back, my face raised to the sky, arms spread wide open, as I embrace the happiness again. That’s going to take some time, but I hope I’ll be able to give you all the words again soon. I hope I’ll be able to stand in the sun soon. But, until then, please continue to be patient with me. It helps me, so much, to know you all are there.

If depression has you and she’s trying to choke you, I feel your pain; but, please, don’t let her win. Fight. We’ll all be standing right beside you anytime you need us.

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You said it was coming out in July. Where is it?
I sent a message out in my newsletter on June 12th explaining what’s going on. I’d like to ask you to subscribe so you can be up to date on releases, etc., and to find out important information like this. SUBSCRIBE HERE

Hi Everyone,

I’ve been diagnosed with stage 3A kidney disease and I also had a kidney infection as well. My infection cleared up but I’m learning to manage my disease with diet and supplements so it’s taking a great deal time. Just when I think I have the hang of it, something new pops up and messes up my lab numbers. There is no quick cure for kidney disease, unfortunately.

I won’t lie. I’m exhausted. Like, all the time. I could sleep 24/7 if allowed.

I’m not looking for pity or sympathy. I’m just filling you in on why the books are delayed. If I’m not healthy, I can’t write…and right now, I’m not healthy.

They’d all be disappointed in my behavior since… the accident. I know it and they know I know it. I feel them watching me sometimes.

Sometimes I think I can smell Danny—that scent of his Old Spice body wash. I grin as I remember teasing him about Old Spice. I told him my grandpa wore Old Spice. He told me to keep being a smartass because as soon as he was done showering I’d be eating my words—and I was. That body wash worked with his body chemistry so well, it was sexy as hell. Needless to say I never teased him about it again, just inhaled the scent of him as often as possible.

I lift up Danny’s football jersey and breathe in his scent. It’s faded, but it’s there and his. I slip the jersey over my head, pretending the fabric surrounding my body is his arms, his body—him. I wrap my arms around myself and rock back and forth, biting my lip and blinking rapidly to hold back the tears threatening to spill.

“Are you all packed?” my mom asks from the doorway.

I look up and nod.

“Do you have everything you need? We can make a run to the store if you’re missing anything.”

“I have everything, mom. And then some.”

She grins. “Well, you can’t blame a mother for wanting to make sure her baby girl has what she needs.”

“I’ll have enough body wash for the entire year,” I tease, relaxing my arms a little.

Mom walks over and sits beside me on the bed. “Then that’s one less thing I have to worry about.”

I’m not sure what to say. I know she worries and I can’t blame her, but… I sigh.
“Mom, you don’t have to worry about me. I’ll be okay.” Somehow I’ll find a way to be okay.

“Of course you will,” she agrees, so confident in those words I almost believe them. “That’s not why I’m worried. A mother will always worry about her children, no matter how young or old, near or far, and you’re going to be a long way from Destiny, North Carolina.”

I nod. “But it’s only a phone call, and we’ll Skype and Facetime.”

“We will, but it’s not the same as having you physically here where I can wrap my arms around you.”

That’s the truth. That’s exactly how I feel about Danny in this moment. I have his scent and his shirt, memories and love in my heart, but he’s not here anymore. None of them are. Cassidy would be here right now, reassuring me about how we’ll all fit in perfectly at Prospect University and that I’m freaking out for nothing. Phillip would be crude, talking about all the chicks he’s going to “bang”—which would have been as many as he could. Simon would have found a way to make us all laugh about the scariest things, and I would have hugged and loved everyone until we all found our calm.

Now it’s just me.
But I can do this.
I can.
Maybe if I tell myself that enough times, I’ll actually start to believe it.

As you all know, the book has been delayed. As a courtesy to you all so I won’t disappoint you again, I won’t set a date until it’s in the hands of my editor. Then and only then will I post an announcement of the release date. Sorry for any confusion.

I want to assure you, I’m working diligently on Xander and Tera’s book… and it shouldn’t be too much longer.

Thanks for your patience.

As for my health, the kidney infection is finally gone. Whew. It makes a difference in my day-to-day energy level and if I could, I’d dance a jig… but that’d suck all the energy for the day lol I’d rather spend that on writing. Things are slow with kidney disease and there’s minimal improvement in my numbers but, as my doctor said, it’s going to take time. I want so much to get back on track and not be so exhausted all the time… I’m figuring it out with diet, medication, vitamins and supplements so, again, that takes time. But I will figure it out! I promise.