JAMES HARRISON RULES

James Harrison is a 74 year old Australian man who has saved the lives of 2.2 million babies. Meanwhile, I continue my quest to eat 2.2 million M&Ms. I concede that Harrison is cooler. He’s donated his rare blood nearly 1,000 times, a blood which contains a rare antibody and tastes like delightful unicorn tears. So delicious. The antibody saves babies who are born with Rhesus Disease, a severe form of anemia that occurs when mother and baby have incompatible blood, one being Rh- and the other Rh+.

At age 14, Harrison received 13 L of blood while in the hospital and vowed to start donating blood as soon as he could. It was then discovered he had a “one in two million” type of blood. He’s even risked his life to help develop the Anti-D vaccine. The process to create the vaccine involved injecting Harrison, who has Rh- blood, with Rh+ blood, which could have killed him. But he’s such a badass mofo that his only concern was buying a million dollars of life insurance to take care of his wife if he died. Being that he’s a badass mofo, he just shook off the Rh+ like it was a pile of baby Rhesus monkeys with Rhesus disease. Because the disease makes the monkeys very weak, you see, and Harrison’s blood could have saved them. That’s ironic. Or just stupid. I’m very sorry.

James Harrison is so rad it makes me think I should be doing something important with my life instead of just goofing off, like maybe I should– ooo, look, a flash game.