Dear Mexican: Waze is launching Waze Carpool throughout California. I think it’s gonna be a hit, especially with tight Latino enclaves throughout the state. But…is there a history of raites within the Mex community?

Uber Wazer

Dear Gabacho: Everything that tech bros and their hipster acolytes think they’re creating, Mexicans did first. Ripping off music and movies? We call it piratería, and we know a guy at the Paramount Swap Meet who has Guardians of the Galaxy 3 on VHS. AirBnB? We’ve been renting out the couch to visitors since the days of the Toltecs. Uber? The aforementioned raiteros, what the gabacho media used to call gypsy cabs. Some app that you can use if you need someone to cut your lawn or fix your clogged toilet? Day laborers. Dia de los Muertos everything? BRUH…and all of this caca will continue. Because as I’ve written before, when hipsters do something that slightly outside the law yet an innovation over the old guard, they get a Series-C round of funding, Instagram influencers, and fawning media coverage. When Mexicans do it? We get code enforcement.

I need to be set straight. I’ve recently dubbed myself, “un loco pocho,” because I’m in the same pinche crisis as every other Mexican-American three generations in. I’m an artist, so in order to obtain scholarships and grants, I must illustrate what a sell-out I don’t want to become. My abuelita is güera, not white, speaks fluent Spanish (nothing else) and I prefer flour tortillas over corn any day. Sadly, I’ve come to the realization that I will never be Nahuatl, Maya or Chichimecan. Yet, I’m not white; I’m a dark-skinned, non-español, seemingly mojado wannabe. I don’t want to be white; I want to be American. I don’t want to forget the struggles of my grandparents, yet my baby-boomer parents already have. Like so many other children of immigrants from different countries, living off the fat of the land (now in a position to benefit from the Third World countries in which they fled). Can I just use pocho, the pejorative term, for “fake-ass Mexican” (may as well be la malinche in the flesh) as a symbol of hope? Or am I just trying to have my cake and eat it too?

Un Sonso Poco Loco Defecto Asking Who the Fuck They Are, LOL

ORDER IT NOW

Dear A Dummy but Crazy Defect Preguntando Quien Chingado Son, JAJA: Man, you’re so pocho you think Nahuatl is a people, not a language. You’re so pocho that Donald Trump just appointed you to his cabinet. You’re so pocho that Carlos Mencia accuses you of stealing his jokes. You’re so pocho that you probably think embarazada means “embarrassed” and not “pregnant.” You’re so pocho you drive a Prius instead of a 1979 Ford Ranger Supercab with “CHALINO” stenciled in the camper window. And you know what? It’s perfectly fine. The beauty of America for Mexicans is that we can sell out as much as we want, and it sometimes work—but at the end of the día, gabachos still think you’re just a dirty Mexican.

Ask the Mexican at themexican@askamexican.net, be his fan on Facebook, follow him on Twitter @gustavoarellano or follow him on Instagram @gustavo_arellano!

These buttons register your public Agreement, Disagreement, Troll, or LOL with the selected comment. They are ONLY available to recent, frequent commenters who have saved their Name+Email using the 'Remember My Information' checkbox, and may also ONLY be used once per hour.

The pochos are the smart ones. The ones going on about their “La Raza” identity and how oppressed they are while waving the Mexican flag are the dumb ones trying to validate their failure to adapt. They’re like the slag at the bottom of the melting pot.

Use of multiple, non-Anonymous handles for commenting on this webzine is strongly discouraged, and your secret (real or fictitious) email allows you to authenticate your commenter-identity, preventing others from assuming it, accidentally or otherwise.

Therefore, keeping your Name+Email combination is important, and the 'Remember' feature saves it for you as a cookie on your device/browser.

Also, activating the 'Remember' feature enables the Agree/Disagree/LOL/Troll buttons on all comments.

Email Replies to my Comment

Body of Comment

Submitted comments become the property of The Unz Review and may be republished elsewhere at the sole discretion of the latter