-Shitty childhood, left home young.
-Bounced around, grew into a big strong football player.
-Got invited to the US Army All-American game, but couldn’t afford to go.
-School counselor and some special ed kids helped him sell brownies to raise money. With a bit more help he was able to get to the game.
-Dominated the All American combine, then had two sacks in the game itself.
-Went to Florida, got suspended for receiving $2500 from Kevin Lahn.
-NCAA reduced the suspension on the grounds of personal hardship.
-Got adopted by Lahn, because apparently you can adopt 20 year old defensive tackles, buy them cars and throw them huge yacht parties. It’s called love, you guys. Stop being so suspicious.

“Came out early because ‘He don’t need no education'”
“He hits so hard, QBs see the dark side of the moon”
“He’s certainly an important brick in the [insert team name here]’s defensive wall”
“QBs don’t ‘wish he was here'”
“RGiii looks comfortably numb after that head-shot”

In this case, HL Mencken was right – hope, in truth, is the worst of all evils, for it prolongs the torments of men. If this young man is drafted by the Raiders, do not cling to hope. Let him go, and remember him as he was – bereft of means but wealthy in spirit, the exact opposit of how he’ll be after a couple of years in Oakland. .