It is easy to be tired and fall asleep the moment one hits the bed.
Difficult is no sleep, and the hands free; nothing to hold. The utter need of having something to fill the gap up and be there.
The utter reminder of a missing someone.

Beloved, would you ever be mine?
And for that matter, what is mine?
What would you do, or we do, that makes you mine. And me yours?

What kind of abstract thought is this? This being mine and yours?

Neither of us can possess each other and yet I am yearning for belonging.
Would a name tag do?
But I never wanted to change my name. Neither would I.
There is nothing like my name and your name together in my mind and yet I want to belong to you somehow.

What do I do?

Have I told you how I have fantasized about our kids? The adopted ones?

Nah, I didn’t adopt multiple kids. Just one. With you.
Mother and father.

And he stays with me on vacations. With you rest of the time…
Sometimes we all spend time together. Like a month or so.
I convince you to stay and school him from my place. We stay a year together…

I forgot to write about this. I told you about the letters, didn’t I?

Ah! Beloved… What have you done to make me ready to leave behind everything?
What is it that I can do away with everything in this moment?