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Saturday, July 10, 2010

Visit

Today I had the most amazing visit with Roo and her family! Roo is getting so big - and although I didn't think it was possible, she keeps getting cuter as well.

I'll admit to being nervous about the visit today. I'm not sure exactly why. Maybe it's because it's been a while since my last visit and I wasn't sure how Roo would take to me. I think part of it is that I just wanted things to be perfect.

And you know what? They were, I don't think things could have gone any better. It was such a good visit! It was relaxing and comfortable and I loved seeing Roo just being Roo, crawling and playing and jabbering and demanding attention from her parents and her sister when she thought she wasn't getting enough (even though she always was!).

I am so blessed to have an open adoption! It does me so much more good than I could ever hope to describe. I am a spoiled girl, really I am. I think of my mom's birth mother, who placed her baby and had to walk away and live with uncertainty and unanswered questions. I don't think I could have done that. I am so thankful for her courage and her strength. And I'm thankful for Roo's parents. Because of them, I don't have to wonder the way my birth grandmother did. Because of them, I have never for a second questioned my decision to place Roo in their family, or to place her at all. God meant Roo for them all along. I'm glad she's theirs.

5 comments:

This is such a hopeful post. It fills me with the joy of possibility for my visits with my baby, and the knowledge that not all adoptive parents are just trying to swindle birthmothers for their children by promising visitation and then closing the adoption and moving to Zimbabwe with the baby. I am so happy you enjoyed your visit. I bet Roo was a totally adorable peach. How wonderful it is for her to have so many people in her life who love her so much!

I'm so glad these visits are so helpful and encouraging to you. What a blessing! I also must say as an adoptive mom it made me teary to hear you refer to precious roo as THEIR daughter, her parents, THEIRS and that God meant Roo for them all along.

As I navigate my new life as an adoptive mom I'm not sure how to navigate the way my heart hurts for my daughter's birth parents. I want to believe the visits help them but so far the proof seems to be leaning more in the hurts them category. Then there is the fact that the birth father constantly refers to her as "my baby girl" (meaning his) which is so hurtful to my hubby---who is her father.

Ah, the anguish. But I knew the adoption was never just about us so on we go trying to find our way.

Me Me Me

My name is Jill. I had a baby girl, Roo, on July 7th, 2009. I handed her to her mommy and daddy on September 9th, 9 weeks later.
This blog is my attempt to make sense of things and it is my hope that when Roo is older, she'll read it, and maybe she'll understand.