What You Really Wanted for Christmas

One of the many depressing things about being an adult for Christmas is that it is pretty much impossible to get anything you really want. As a kid, it was your big chance to load up on the crap you would have bought if you had any money, but now even with your lousy paycheque you have a billion times more financial freedom and have probably bought yourself everything that isn’t too expensive for casual gifting anyway. Consumer dreams were a lot easier to fulfill when they were available at K-Mart rather than your local Porsche dealership.

But enough grinching. Fortunately, Aunt Zelda isn’t one of those giving-money-lacks-heart types which is why you love her from the bottom of yours. But spending the cash she gave you on rent just doesn’t seem right, and you’ve had enough booze to last at least a day or two so it is clearly going straight to Ted Roger’s pocket. But, please- STOP before you blow it on a flex pack because there’s a much better option. Quite possibly the best deal in baseball is the Toronto Star Season’s Pass, and it really does sell out every year.

If you go to every game (this is not meant to be a hypothetical situation) it comes out to a little over a dollar a ticket. Even if you only make it to 13, it’s a better deal than the equivalent flex pack (which is why they don’t sell 15-packs of the 500 level, making them more expensive would be rather embarrassing). Think about it, you can go to 10 pre-chosen games for $76.50, or for another 20 bucks you can get tickets to the other 71 as well. What’s more (and not really mentioned anywhere) is that the passes are now totally transferable. If you can’t find a way to use 13 tickets between you and a couple friends over the season, you either live in another city (also known as the “Rouleau effect“) or are surfing this Blue Jays blog under the mistaken impression that every internet page eventually gets to the porno.

The only ripoff about this pass is that if you buy it online instead of calling them, you are charged a 15$ convenience fee for filling out the form yourself instead of getting someone else to do it for you over the phone. The Jays clearly haven’t quite figured out e-commerce yet (this reminds me of when I was in Cuba when U.S. Dollar stores had just been opened and they were selling beer for a dollar or a case of 24 (IN BIG EXCITED TYPE!) for…$24), but at least it’s better than the $20 gouging last year if you’re dumb enough to go that route.

Oh, and if you’re going to say something about wanting to sit a little closer than the 500 level, that’s so cute! Far be it from me to ruin such precious childhood innocence and naivete, but when you’re done hanging out up there with Santa and the Easter Bunny (and they’re actually pretty decent seats right behind the plate, which is where you’ll get them unless the Jays are playing the Yankees), I’ll buy you your first drink in the lower bowl.

The only thing I would change is put the part about making sure not to get sent up the ramp to the 500 level in bold. I found on big games last year they would have a guy standing just past the entrance to try and check your ticket send you up, and it’s annoying to have to sneak back down. But if you pick a reasonably busy or open gate you can usually walk right through if you look like you know where you’re going.

Or the Kosher dog excuse is gold.😉 Keith’s not being sold on the upper left is also occasionally effective if they just can’t be bothered.