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One Man’s Take On Why Black Women Aren’t Getting Married

Right now the current state of marriage in Black America is not all that bad. It’s not great, but it’s not time to start reading last rites. I’ve told people that I rarely share my opinions on marriage because it’s a real depressing outlook that bothers a lot of people. When I tell people that I’ve been in six weddings, know the next two I’ll be in, and have consistently attended 4-6 weddings a year for the last five years. Their reaction to that information is interesting.

Black men typically respond by saying that they are going through the same thing or remember the part of their life when that was happening to them.

Black women typically respond by saying that they’ve maybe been in a wedding, attended a couple, but want to know why I know all these people getting married.

Where’s that gap coming from?

By and far when I explain this to people I want them to know that this is an accurate depiction of our race’s dating, relationship or marriage status. I like to, early on in the discussion, enter in all the empirical evidence that should be noted here. Here are a few notes:

Contrary to belief, more education will give you a better chance at marriage than someone who is less educated. This is for Black women and men. Any excuse that your degrees have placed you out of the dating pool is false.

Contrary to belief, more money will give you a better chance at getting married and staying married. Any excuse that the money you have is placing you out of the dating pool is false.

Although marriage rates are lowest in the Black community, they are still only marginally behind the national average… in general. As it pertains to Black women, they’re at the back; the very back of the statistic. It’s not important to quote the exact statistic because before we get into a statistical analysis, let’s just have a conversation for a moment. (If you want statistical information, you can actually go to WIM’s post, here.)

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Comment Disclaimer: Comments that contain profane or derogatory language, video links or exceed 200 words will require approval by a moderator before appearing in the comment section. XOXO-MN

Tina

I’m a 37 year black woman who is not married, mainly because I just haven’t been happy with the options I have had for men in my life. None of them have made me eager to encourage marriage, or want it with them. It’s not about doing what’s expected from society for me, it’s about finding love in someone I really want. It’s nothing I can force or settle for. I just can’t do that to myself. I value my happiness greatly.

Mrs.J

Well in marriage you won’t be happy all of the time.So I think you should consider marrying one of your four exes because it seems like you really want to get married.

DaTalley

I wish would stop making excuses and look at reality. Why do blacks rank behind in some stats in income and wealth? Family. Women raising children on their own and men not taking responsibility. The mindset has become that this is ok. It is not. A family needs a MAN AND A WOMAN to raise children. The state of our youth tells the truth about this. What has kept the black family strong for so many years was family. The fact of the matter is that we are being brain washed into believing that it does not matter. Anything goes. This should not be the case. Disrespect for each other in the culture HAS to change. The family has to become a stronger and respected thing in order for any culture to become overall successful. Is marriage and family the overall answer? No, but it is part of the solution.

I have come to understand that most of these marriage bad and marriage hating black people are just cowards!

Guest

You will get grief no matter what you do black woman. The facts are that many black women don’t want to marry black men as much due to there not being any real benefits. They gain more from the government for being single moms. There are only a handful of black men making good money. Who wants to marry the trash man or the man working temp jobs. Not too many. Other races of women stand to gain more by marriage then we do. Not only that but most black men don’t want to marry black women. Those are the facts. Since most of us aren’t open to date non-black men, it keeps things going this way.

FromUR2UB

Would like to have finished reading the article, but got an error message when I clicked on the link. Women may not need marriage for their very survival, as they once did. But, I believe there will always be the basic human need to feel loved, cared about, and have another person on this planet who is in your corner. This is what drives most people to marry today. Sure, people can attain that without entering into marriage, yet there seems to bea psychological aspect of marriage that causes people to seek it or avoid it like the plague, that causes others to perceive a spouse with more respect than a girlfriend or boyfriend. Forget about the adults, though. Children seem happier when their parents are married to one another than when not, unless there’s some type of dysfunction in the home. I don’t believe you can get around that without disregarding their feelings.

clwa0303

Very well said:)

Tina

Well, it sure helps to be marriage as you age. There are so many benefits economically to having a spouse than remaining single.

Jim

Between education, incarceration and the lessening appeal of marriage for any sane male, this really shouldn’t come as much of a surprise.

Not everyone desires to be married. Marriage is great for some, but for others it is not. Why make marriage to be this one size fit all mold, that everyone has to fit in to?

Bits

Can I just say that I love you. You are so on point with all of your comments/responses.

clwa0303

Great response and so true!!

chanela

i love how people talk about how marriage is meaningless and just a piece of paper, yet they call their child’s father “hubby” all the damn time. you can’t call someone a husband if you aren’t married. sorry.

and if it’s just a piece of paper, why are gay people protesting and fighting so hard over it? hmm

The main reason why more black women aren’t getting married is because we my generation [the baby boomers] didn’t raise and make enough eligible black “men” that’s man enough to ask them [young black women] for their hand in marriage!

Jas

You are absolutely correct about what you said. It’s the Baby Boomers fault. Lol. One of the hardest working and disciplined generation created the most entitled, selfish and lazy generation. My parents are Baby Boomers and, yes, I am an older Millennial and I must say we were born to fail at relationships, not just romantic ones. And this is not specific to men being, it’s also women too. Jean Twenge has a great book titled, Generation Me, that explains this very well.

That’s what I thought!!!!! I seriously was thinking to myself that it looks just like her!! But then I was like nahh…that’s prob not her though. Thanks for pointing it out!!!

Machone

Black men run away from commitment faster than Usain Bolt on the race track…..

Machone

Black men run away from commitment faster than Usain Bolt on the race track…..

Nope

Black men run away from the women they don’t want to marry.

Nope

Black men run away from the women they don’t want to marry.

JP

Black men are not stupid, and black women need to get their act together

NJ2

I am so tired of these type of stories that perpetuate a myth. The study that was done only looked at black women between 24 thru 25 years of age. In the overall lifetime of black women only 13% remain unmarried (and that probably by choice). Quit sending people into spirals of desperation to get readership.

NJ2

I was mad: I meant 24 thru 29.

Tina

During those ages, I was studying and trying to get some valuable skills for the job market. I wasn’t available for marriage.

I personally think that the black community makes a big deal of marriage in part because of the chastisement on the rate of out-of-wedlock marriages and its supposed link the issues (crime, poverty, etc) within our community. I think it’s a legit concern but not to the extent that it has become.

Guest

Did you mean out of wedlock births?

DressSox~n~draws

I did. Sorry. Thank you.

Tina

Yes, the oww births are horrendous for organized stable families, but it’s mostly low-income ghetto black women doing this, and their numbers are high in comparison to educated middle to well off black women socio-economically. Unfortunately these women are the ones the sociologists focus on mostly. Their behaviors and choices are tied to a cycle of poverty and shame. It needs to stop.

KK

Maybe black women aren’t getting married because they simply don’t want to? It’s really not a big deal like people make it out to be.

IJS

Nice thought, but it ain’t that simple. Every black single woman I know who’s near or past 30 wants to get married.

clwa0303

Yeah……I’m 31 and absolutely don’t want a legal marriage lol. Its more important for me to a healthy, loving, stable relationship. A piece of paper will NEVER guaranteeyou that.

LadiesNight

You stupid and wonder why you CAN’T get a man or KEEP a man.

clwa0303

You’re a fool and so is your ignorant a** mama for having you. I have a man AND we have a beautiful child and a WONDERFUL RELATIONSHIP. So what the hell are you talking about, stupid b**tch

titi

lol, you’re nothing but a baby mama. He’ll skip out on you soon enough.

clwa0303

Lmao, hater…..so sad for you that you’ll grow old and nobody wants you:(. But something tells me you’re used to it already…..hee hee. And trust I’m not some insecure woman out here that if I don’t have a man I’m gonna slit my wrist obviously unlike you. HAPPY CUTTING!!!!!,:)

You right they just don’t make good sense do they and think they are smart.

clwa0303

Probably somewhere trying to get away from you and your old judgemental a***. I’m sure you ran them away like any suitable man you’ve ever come across with your closemindedness

pickneychile

If it’s just a piece of paper why not get it over with? A passport is just some paper but you wouldn’t tell that to customs and expect them to take you seriously. Anybody who says that about marriage clearly doesn’t grasp the bigger picture. It sounds like you are selling yourself very short my dear.

clwa0303

Actually I’m not. And it sounds like you’re playing yourself if you think a piece of paper will solve all your problems and make all your dreams come true. Again, I covenant is spiritual not legal. And we don’t travel much. My dear.

MzUnprediktable

However, you don’t have a spiritual covenant. A covenant is between a man, wife, and God. No a piece of paper will not solve all your problems. But deep down people do desire marriage. We as a people need to re evaluate ourselves and our priorities to see why we cannot commit. Children are better off with two stable parents.

clwa0303

My point exactly is our commitment is between me, him, and the MOST HIGH. Why you assume it isnt I’m not sure. Because we didnt get validation from the state? No sweetie that my point. What we have committed is what the MOST HIGH wants. If we betray each other the biggest OFFENSE is to HIM. Not society or the govt. He put us together. The world and how we choose to define our “marriage” is between us. Our child is raised in a 2 parent home. So I’mnot sure at what yyou or anyone else is getting at regarding MY HOUSEHOLD. If a legal marriage gives you a since of security or whatever you desire so be it. Not my place to say its not valid but even more so its ABSOLUTELY NOT YOURS or anyone else to say our spiritual marriage is any less valid. I could argue ours is more valid because we’re more concerned with what GOD said as opposed to the govt. GOD makes our union valid not the govt. The last time I read the BIBLE it didnt say when abraham and sarah married they had to stop and get a piece of paper from the courthouse because clearly that what makes it valid.

Bits

Great response and you broke that all the way down! Anybody who can’t grasp that very simple explanation is a moron and deserves to be stuck on here arguing about a dying institution.

clwa0303

Thanks!! Many blessings to you and yours:)

anonymouse

guess u skipped the part that says you should honor the government?? do u have all of your bases covered in case one of you decides it’s not working anymore?? I wish that people would just say, ‘this is what I want to do and that’s how it is’ instead of disparaging legal marriages and acting like they’re enlightened for doing so.

clwa0303

No I didn t skip that part. I made it quite clear I don’t care what the govt has to say. AND I’m quite sure I said whateverYOU choose to do is your bbusiness. No place of mine to say you’re wrong the SAME WAY FOR ANYONE ELSE TO SAME THAT TO SOMEONE ELSE WHO DOES DIFFERENTLY. I wish people would learn how to read before making comments and acting like they can check somebody……

anonymouse

well, obviously, you like to pick and choose…so that’s what that is. So you don’t acknowledge any part of the government such as paying taxes….etc??Nobody’s trying to ‘check’ anybody, but your posts haven’t made that difficult, either.

clwa0303

You have to pay taxes genius or you can go to jail. Having a healthy stable and loving relationship does not pertain to a document from the govt. That’s not hard to understand.

anonymouse

And again, you pick and choose. You claim that you don’t care about the government, but when it suits you…..you do care. Again,as in my original post, just say that you don’t want to be married and stop hiding this government and ‘i’m in a spiritual marriage nonsense’.

Part of being an adult is realizing that not everybody is going to agree with your choices and that’s ok. Obviously, you haven’t learned that lesson either.

clwa0303

If your head wasnt stuck so far up your A** and you would actually pay attention and READ you would have seen in my seen that EXACTLY WHAT I WROTE. I said I didnt want a legal marriage. IDIOT

anonymouse

look, I didn’t disrespect you AT ALL, ok?? Everything I said about you was correct, you’re a freakin’ hypocrite and immature. How about enjoying your fake a$$ ‘ marriage’ instead of going back and forth trying to defend it??

clwa0303

You’re right no need to try to EXPLAIN BASIC COMMON SENSE to someone who is obviously mentally challenged. Jealousy is not attractive. Instead learn to be happy forpeople who are just that in their lives and THEN YOU CAN BE JUST AS BLESSED. And I don’t need to defend my life to a dumba**. You asked, I told. Simple as that.

anonymouse

mentally challenged?? you really went there?? your boyfriend must be so proud of his choice(in a way he probably is). I don’t go for the ‘half a man is better than none at all’ train of thought.Good for you, that you found someone who wants as less as you do to co-habitate with. And u didn’t answer my question of if u have an exit plan for when you fake a$$ marriage fails

clwa0303

Still cloaked in that jealousy I see…..I thought you didnt care about my life pumpkin:)

anonymouse

I would never be jealous of a baby mama with delusions of grandeur. Never

JP

hahaha good one.

anonymouse

I would never be jealous of a baby mama with delusions of grandeur. Never

JP

Why did you delete your comments. Did you finally realize how absorb you sound? There’s an old African proverb, it goes something like this, “Character is like Pregnancy, you can never hide it” You seem to show that on this thread. I feel bad for your children.

clwa0303

Oh good morning to you as well I see you’d like to join the conversation also. I say the more the merrier! To answer your ?, no I’m not. I also didnt delete my comments. Not sure how that goes. But anywho, you shouldnt feel sorry for me and may mine but IM ABSOLUTELY POSITIVE you should really feel sorry for yourself and mostly for your parents to have had their choice taken away for to have yo bring someone like you into this world. Is there an african proverb for that??? Just curious. I’m sure you’ll let me know in your response. Talk to you soon:)

and WTH do u have that I should be jealous of?? Living with some dude and having their kid is not what I have ever aspired of.

JP

Because the MOST HIGH do not validate your current relationship. The most HIGH do not approve wedlocks.

clwa0303

???? First you may need to learn write. Secondly, when did you become he/she?? It’s amazing how you a COMPLETE AND UTTER STRANGER knows how the MOST HIGH feels about our relationship. Lmao its really funny actually……awwww you kids…..!!

JP

When you bring your business out in public, and then you bring the most high in. Then it allows people like myself to come to the conclusion that you had a baby out of wedlock, and that is a SIN. You need to repent, plus that attitude of yours, no wonder why men will not marry you.

clwa0303

Let he who without judgement….I guess you read over that part of the bible and went straight to the one where it said you need a legal document to validate what GOD truly says. So sad. Might wanna study there up boo boo…..I’m pretty sure HE’D have a huge problem with you that one! Being judgmental AND placing more wait on what the world says and does and not what HE SAYS, TSK,TSK….

clwa0303

AGAIN IM WRITING LIKE YOU!! Goodness, shame on me! I meant “weight”. I’m sure you would’ve’ missed these grammatical errors but I’m trying to give you some credit and not assume you’re a COMPLETE IDIOT.

JP

And did you notice, you responded back to yourself? lol bahahaha

JP

Just to let you know, since you brought God and religion into this. In 1 Corinthians Ch 5:12-13. It isnt my responsibility to judge outsiders (outsiders meaning Non-Christians) but is certainly is your responsibility to judge those inside the church who are sinning. But as the scriptures say ‘ you must remove the evil person from among you. ( you are a christian right? You have sinned, so repent. 13. God will judge those on the outside( So if you dont believe in the father, the son, and the Holy Ghost) then i apologize for judging you. Because God will deal with you personally.

clwa0303

No sweetie I don’t subscribe to man made religions. I DO however believe in the MOST HIGH GOD. Because if you look further into to book you seem to quote so well. GOD NEVER ENDORSES ANY RELIGION. Man did that…. but that another story for a different day. And even further if you still want to refer to the bible YOU WILL ALWAYS BE A SINNER. as long as you have breath in your body you will sin. That not just you but all of us. There is no one perfect but the MOST HIGH. So stop the judgement sweetie. You’re the very reason why so many people turn away from organized religion. And the same GOD who will “deal with me” as you put it, will do the very same with you for trying to judge as if you are HIM. Sweep around your own door, before you attempt you do so with ANYONE ELSE. Love the MOST HIGH, take care of YOUR OWN FAMILY AND MAKE SURE THEY’RE COOL, and leave all your negativity at YOUR OWN DOOR, because I’m positive it applies there as much as you feel it does at somebody else’s.

anonymouse

exactly, I don’t understand why people put their personal lives on blast and then wanna argue all day when you don’t want to agree with them. It makes them look ridiculous doing that because nobody knows them and nobody really cares.

clwa0303

That EXACTLY what you’re doin genius!!!! Im VERY SATISFIED with what i’ve chosen for my life and my relationship and don’t have ONE PROBLEM with saying so (thats pretty evident). You and your dumbass sidekick are the ones who APPARENTLY HAVING AN ISSUE WITH IT by trying to get someone to conform to your definition of marriage. I said MANY POSTS ago I did not wanta legal marriage. ME. I further stated if that is what the next person needed to validate THEIR RELATIONSHIP THATS FINE. No one is wrong in how THEY CHOOSE to determine what’s valid for THEM. YOU IDIOTS ARE THE ONES TRYING TO GET SOMEONE TO COMPLETELY AGREE WITH YOU. I’m not trying to get anyone to agree or disagree with what anybody else does in their families. But you should respect other peoples choices and stop judging people foe not thinking like you. THAT IS APART OF BEING MATURE.

anonymouse

if you’re so satisfied, maybe u should STFU. Unless you’re in a different country, why are you up at nearly 6 in the morning, defending your faux marriage?? I know why I’m up but a woman who has this d@mn near legitimate family and is so pleased with it, going online and defending her choices to strangers…is just strange. Like I said earlier, u need to grow up. Nobody’s gonna throw u a party for living with your boyfriend and child and pretending it’s just as legit as a married couple.You doubletalk so much, u don’t even recognize it; you’re judging me and calling me names for not saying how wonderful your life choices are.Whatever…..i’m done with you for this morning…..u don’t even have an account and you’re just stalking this comment section, so I know you’ll respond…sad.P.S Caps don’t make u right,

clwa0303

Lmao whatever you’d like to call it, faux marriage, baby mama, or whatever “clever” insults you’d like to give. It really doesnt matter. Because you’ll still be some lonely, old , angry , jealous woman with nobody but 50 cats (if even they can stand you)! Lol. Ok but really tho all jokes aside I do in all honesty feel sorry for you. Because the only reason why people tend to pass such judgement and be so negative towards another who has expressed their happiness in THEIR situation, is because they are lacking something. They see something that someone else has, maybe not the exact same thing but in general, and they want the same happinedd and fulfillment in their own lives. And thats ok, we should all be happy in whatever form happiness comes in for each of us. But you shouldnt treat others negatively for what you don’t have in your own life. When you’re really happy with yourself and your own story then you can be a positive person and be happy that someone else has the same joy. Even if it is a different situation. I wish you the best.

anonymouse

B!tch, u can save your sorrys for your self. If you’re so d@mn happy, then why are you arguing with me?? I’d rather be in the situation that you described (that you’ll more than likely be in) than delude myself into thinking that a live in boyfriend is the same as being in a married relationship.Your situation is a downgrade and a failure for me and should be for most people. I don’t know you and I don’t give a d@mn about what you do, but you need to apply that armchair psychology to why you’re so pressed to defend yourself to total strangers.If u find happiness, in mediocrity then that’s your problem, but don’t get mad at others for calling u out for your hypocrisies. I tried to be nice to u but u and your fake a$$ boyfriend can go eff yourselves and I hope your exit plan fails miserably.

clwa0303

My point exactly. So sad. But next time let’s leave your mom of out of this….

anonymouse

i didn’t bring your child into this, so don’t bring my family into this.This isn’t even all that serious so LET IT GO. The fact is your relationship isn’t legitimate in ANYBODY’s eyes and perhaps that hits a nerve with you because you know it’s true.You’re the sad one, constantly stalking this page to see if a stranger has something to say about your all too common situation that you try to dress up. Putting a bow on a piece of crap don’t make it fancy.

clwa0303

LMAO, you have sooooooo much to learn misguided one. The last time I checked I gave you positive response. But you’re the one keeping up the negativity (which only makes my point about being jealous and seeking someone elses’s happiness). You did the name calling (childish might I add. But again, we see you have some type of mental disorder and for that I am sorry and truly hope you get your life together hun. Btw, last time I checked you’re on here as much as I am. You respond as much as I do, you’ve commented early in the a.m but you seem to only make it negative for me to do it, hmmmmm doesnt make much sense does it. Mental. Problem. I’m not trying to be funny about it because its a serious thing. I’m pretty sure that why you DON’T HAVE a partner and you’re so jealous and hateful towards anybody who does. Trust me sweetie that attitude of yours isnt gonna get you ANYWHERE in life. Many blessings to you

anonymouse

I have an account with disqus, which is what this website uses for its comment section. I get notifications if somebody has replied to me when I log in. So, I’m not stalking the page like you’re doing.

Uh, I know why you’re so pressed and it’s unfortunate that you feel the need to argue with me over your own poor life choices. You’re the weirdest, happy person that I’ve ever encountered. A truly happy and secure individual would not engage a total stranger on the internet about their own life. The fact that you have, let’s me know that you’re deluding yourself about how u really feel.I was never disrespectful to you and you started calling me names and bringing up my mother is just something I’m not going to let slide.U can call it mental or whatever. And again, never jealous…why would I want or even settle for being a baby mama to a man who probably has a stable of baby mamas and illegitimate children all over?

clwa0303

Account or not genuus YOU RESPOND. Most importantly, you’re the one who asked the ?s regarding my life. I have never felt pressed to defend my life. The fact is a gave my opinion regarding an article. Never one time downing anyone person’s choice to do different. That’s completely ok. People are not meant to do the same things and I said that several times. BUT SWEETIE, you along with a few others decided to make negative about myself and call me stupid and day other disrespectful things just because its personally not something YOU wouldn’t do. Please don’t take me responding to ignorance and trying to enlighten the ignorant ones tonot judge people as “defending” my life. That would imply I’m trying to prove something to you. Which I’m not. Just giving a different view to relationships. We could have had a decent conversation between the both of us a long time. And agreed to disagree but still been the respectful. But YOU started the negativity. Go back and read your very 1st post. And calling me b**tch is something I should let slide and the slew of other comments?? It don’t work that. Why you’re so caught up on this “exit plan” as you call…..is just weird. Especially for someone who claims to not care about my life. I wasnt avoiding the question it just really didnt seem to make sense. I have the same plan as ANY WOMAN who’s in a relationship. You pray its meant to be, but if not you move on. Simple as that. But above all else, like I said not being funny, you actythe way you do because you are lacking in life sweetie. And that something YOU have to come to terms with. Its not gonna come hating, being negative and angry and jealous of others. Its not. Take heed. I mean what normal person takes issues with a couple in love, who’ve chosen to committ and dedicate their lives to each other and their family. All that you and others complain about we do. Our son is raised in 2 parent home. No shade to those who are not tho. I feel they can be just as successful in life. You talk about people being committed. We are exactly that. So what’s your beef? That what I’m saying, the jealousy because YOU are lacking. But again I hope you do work out your issues so you can really be happy. I mean that.

anonymouse

The bird doth protest too much. Yikes!! Must’ve really struck a nerve to inspire that long a$$ essay.You’re going to call me mentally challenged and talk about how crazy and nuts that I am, but you’re the one just waiting for my responses. So, who is the crazy one?U could be screwing the Grinch for all that I know or care, but when you put yourself out there…u invite responses, some u like and most u don’t. U can’t say contradictory things and when people call you out on it, pull the old ‘don’t judge me’ card.You are defending your life choices and truly secure and grown people don’t do that. U really should’ve quit with your first post.

I’m gonna leave u alone because it’s clear that you’re a few bubbles short of a bath and more conversation is allowing you to continue to embarrass yourself. And seriously, don’t concern myself with what I’m ‘lacking’……like I said earlier, I don’t suscribe to the half a man is better than none at all theory and I don’t call scraps gourmet meal.Lastly, honeybunch, when I called you a b!tch,I meant it and I mean it now……work on not being one.

clwa0303

Yeahhhhhhh……my point still stands.:) Thanks for continuing to validating. Lol

anonymouse

the only point u have is on top of your head. It’s over….it’s a wrap.

clwa0303

Enjoy your lonely, sad, angry life. And the house full of cats!! Lol. Weirdo…..

anonymouse

way more preferable than your life. are his other baby mamas (i’m sure u’re not the only one) as pathetic as you are? don’t even answer that because I already know the answer and don’t respond back to me either, with your stupid a$$.

clwa0303

You ever seen that tv show Hoarders….thats you pumpkin in the VERY NEAR FUTURE. Check yourself very soon. Stop obsessing about others people’s lives. Its just…….sad

anonymouse

Do u even have friends? I mean, ones that are not imaginary?you’re the one stalking MY comments and seem so concerned about what u think my life is, u silly a$$ bird. All that u need to know is that I’m not contributing to the demise of the community as you are. DO NOT RESPOND back to me. There’s obviously something wrong with u and I’ve wasted enough time with this. Instead of arguing with me, you could’ve been doing something useful….like teaching your kid to stop pissing their pants every night. With that…I’m out.

clwa0303

What sane person talks about a baby??? Obviously someone mad because she can’t get have any herself.Sad…. look at what your life has come to. Insulting babies….wackjob.

anonymouse

oh, so little miss content and happy with her life is losing her cool?? 90% of your lame comments have been deleted and you’re still going on?? You’re a vile, demented, and disturbed woman…no wonder that man will never marry you and that’s the best decision he’s made since the unfortunate day he was made aware of your pitiful existence.He’s gonna skip out on u like he did his other ‘families’, so prepare your kid for that one. I don’t care about your childhood and how your father hated u and your mother was a tramp. Obviously, u have no home training….u’re a common, gutter rat..that’s all. But U need to quit because you’re treading into territory that will get u effed up. Having a baby is NOT an accomplishment, as u have demonstrated and I never insulted the kid. I only noted that his ‘mother’ needs to be a parent and keep him from $hitting and pissing all over the place because she’s wasting time on the internet.

Not everyone believes in your god.. What makes your relationship any better because you choose to believe in the christian god versus others that don’t..

guest

Well said! I was just talking to someone about this a few weeks ago. I think so called Christians are the worse. Some of the best people I personally know don’t even believe in God and they are good all the time, even when no one is watching. Christians think their ways are the best.

Because societal pressure has them thinking that something is wrong with them if they don’t get married, Maybe those women need to examine why they truly want to get married..

Ripdog

You hit it right on the nail, “Every female past 30”. I’m a black male. I’ve been married almost 12 years. I’m graduate school educated, two kids, gainfully employed. I went to a traditional schools for college and grad school. The difference between my black female classmates and white female classmates is most of the white females came to school with the intent on finding a husband. The black females would diss the black males in favor of their studies or career ambitions. The white females were taught in their households that their greatest opportunity to find someone compatible to marry was in school. So now, those same females that were so career driven in their early twenties are realizing nobody wants a 38 year-old female with limited fertility. I was having this discussion with my wife a few weeks ago about her single friends and this came up. She has several doctors and educators who can’t find anybody. A successful man who wants a family is going to opt for the younger woman that is more fertile, not the older one that thinks her title at work, degrees, or material possessions make her the ideal wife.

Guest

shut that BS up.

Mrs.J

So u married a white woman?

The Undertaker

Look Slow bus, it is a big deal, okay. I know you and most of your bastard baby making friends don’t get the big picture, but here it is in a nutshell. If a childless male doesn’t want marriage, that’s fine, if a man with kids doesn’t, that’s what we call a PROBLEM. Why? Well the man with kids has a child he needs to protect, he started a family, though not traditional, whether he likes it or not. He can’t afford to not join forces with the mother, not child support, for the mental, social and economical benefit of his child. It’ll be a problem in the future when your kids don’t get access to their father’s estate or you can’t make the final say so over your loser baby dad’s life when he’s on life support, hoodrat.

Guest

Can we just call a time-out on the on the “marriage is the answer to all of our problems” debate? Its getting really tired. Marriage is losing its appeal across all races because women are more independent then ever before, and the institution of marriage is out-dated in the minds of many people. If it works for you, then great, but we need to stop putting so much pressure on young women about it. Let’s just focus on raising out children with self esteem and an emphasis on education, and our society as a whole will be better off.

Bits

Wow! Very well said and thank you for the profound comment. what you said is very true. Too much emphasis is put on ‘marriage’. The focus (along with the important points you made) should be on building healthy relationships and that can be achieved with or without marrying someone. So many of my girlfriends are putting themselves through hell because they are not married yet. They are in great relationships but they are still depressed because they are not ‘married’. I really think that marriage will be obsolete in the future. Its an institution that is just not necessary to ensure the thriving and stability of a society. In Finland for instance the pressure for women to get married is just not present and Finland is one of the most stable countries in the world. Finnish women are encouraged to focus on education and finding themselves as women first and then family if they choose. And even then its not frowned on if they choose to start a family without being married. We could learn from countries like Finland.

OMG, my friends night in get together just let out and that was one of the things that we talked about. If marriage works for you, awesome but if not then don’t force yourself into a box when your a rectangle. If people were more focused on being happy with themselves, and having healthy relationships, and healthy happy children then other things might just fall into place. Live your truth, not someone elses.

Mel

I have to disagree. We’ve had DECADES of this single mother running the household thing and you know what…it doesn’t work. Every single study known to man has proven that children excel the most when raised in a 2 parent mom & Dad household where both partners are in a stable marriage.

Yet we look at all our abandoned households & wonder why our community is in disrepair? Come on. If you don’t feel like marriage, great. But wanting companionship & having children is a part of life that most people want at some point. The way we’ve been doing it for the last 30-40 years has not worked for our benefit.

clwa0303

You dont have to be legally married to have companionship and have children tho. Maybe that what they are saying. They would like partnership in a loving devoted relationship and produce children but a having a piece of paper itsnt the only way to go about getting that.

You are just making excuses for weakness, childishness, cowardness and lack of responsibility that is rampage and have become the norm in the black community, the type of relationships you promote just don’t work, has not worked when trying to build families, wealth, security and communities etc. it’s simple lose lose, it has not worked the proof is out there for all to see.

clwa0303

I’m not making any excuses for anyone. What your definition of a meaningful relationship does not have to be the same for everyone person so how dare you or anyone else for that matter down another persons family. While you doing on this counseling for OTHER PEOPLE you probably don’t even have a family!!!

Thanks you Mel, your comment is true very true, the above commenters just don’t know how they have been brainwashed into this “marriage bad mindset” and the sad thing about it is they think they are smart and are probably raising children!

Like I said the thing that amaze me is how the well educated, smart, not so educated, not so smart black females and black males to a lesser degree all over the web bragging, promoting and don’t know or don’t care that they have allowed themself to be brainwashed into embracing a lifestyle that is self sabotaging and self destructive!

Kane

Thank you for being intelligent and actually wanting a future for the next generation.

Thank you Kane but right now I just don’t have much confidence that we can turn this thing around because most of our best and brightness have been inculcated and brainwashed into this self destructive no trust, hate marriage, and the big lie “I don’t need no one because I can do it all by myself” mindset. Thanks lets keep trying!

Cindie

You can’t make a man marry you…and if you had to, why would you want to be married to such a creature? I know I sure as hell wouldn’t. And black men’s priorities, for the most part, except for rare exceptions, aren’t on the “married with children” lifestyle.

zach zachman

Thank you and this is not just true for black people, it’s true for all races, it’s a huge problem across the board.

Not true, although it might make you feel good, why keep doing the same thing you have been trying since the mid nineteen sixties regardless of what you want to think or feel marriage is not losing it appeal across all races, it might be the case for African American because we are broken and full of self hate however it is a fact that marriage is still the foundation of the family, community, nation and civilization whether it suits our lifestyle or not, all you got to do is look at the statics and see which race have the highest marriage rate and which one have the lowest marriage rate and the fact is the race with the highest percentage of two parent household is the race that’s on top the shot callers, the law makers the ones with the most wealth, the one with the highest level of education the highest in every positive category then look at the race with the lowest marriage rate there you will fine the poorest, the most dysfunctional, the most incarcerated the highest in every negative category, the percentages reality don’t lie!