I understand this and I can certainly FEEL this, but today I experienced something a little deeper. It’s funny because I accept more and more (as I grow) that we are on a learning curve in all that we do. Just when we think that we fully comprehend something, that we have understood the lesson and achieved the desired state, our teachings takes us further. They drop us down a level deeper and a whole new level of consciousness evolves for us to explore.

Perhaps this will never end?

Maybe this is comforting? We never have to have all the answers. We just have to work through each stage as and when we are ready. Not through a conscious choice, but through guidance of a higher power lighting up the next path when it deems it appropriate.

“The more I understand the less I know.”

Today my body was aching. Hormones running riot through my veins. My mind swirling. It all hurt and I couldn’t find any peace physically and mentally.

There was no space.

I had been resisting these feelings for days, as you do when they become too common. In truth I am bored of them and bored of nurturing them at times, even though I know fight is futile.

It is what it is and you can only work with where you are.

I know this but it doesn’t make it easier.

Okay (huge sigh), whilst I totally and utterly desire brighter and lighter days I frustratingly and grudgingly admit that acceptance is the only way.

I got out my yoga mat…..

I surrendered to the practice. A chanting Meditative Yoga flow. A gentle movement of the body in a rhythmic ease. I could feel my joints opening.

Creating a space.

Encouraging energy to unblock and life force to move freely around. On a physical level I experienced this. My aches soften as my body came back together as one unit rather than individual disconnected fragments.

My mind soothed. The chanting creating a peaceful vibration.

I dropped down to my usual level.

More peace. More grounded. More connected.

But, this time I went further

This time Yoga communicated to me on a much clearer level. Possibly so because I was so tired and blah and I therefore allowed myself to focus on nothing else. No other thoughts or plans came into my awareness.

I was laying in a resting pose (which opens up the hips and allows for deep connective breathing) and I was asked (by the yoga teacher on the dvd) to listen to my body. To hear what it was saying.

Yoga asked – How was I feeling?

I feel Lonely.

Yoga answered – You need to connect with others.

I feel overwhelmed and exhausted.

Yoga answered – You need to nourish yourself and immerse in goodness. Stop fighting and let your mind relax. Have faith and trust.

I feel sad.

Yoga answered – You need to allow this feeling. It too shall pass. Afterwards seek joy and laughter but don’t be ashamed of this emotion.

I feel anxious.

Yoga Answered – Do more Yoga.

Eek…..The practice was enlightening. The answers both uncomfortable and supportive. But we have to acknowledge our emotions to allow them to dissolve.

A part of me continues to resist (and probably always will) and reply with

“I’ll skip the sadness and go straight to joy please.”

To stamp my feet and shout out that I have done enough nourishment work and now its time for action and adventure. But healing doesnt work like that. I need to get through the tougher days with as much love, ease, surrender and acceptance as possible.

Therefore today I will be

– Wrapped up in bed with my dog.

– Listening to inspiring and gentle podcasts by mentors like Connie Chapman.

– Chatting with my sister on the phone and making plans to connect with friends.

– Asking for a hug.

– Writing this piece.

It is not the day I would choose. But this intention feels far nicer than the alternative struggle which would probably revolve around much the same activity but a whole load of frustration and Grrrr-ness.

I would love to hear from you? What do you do to nuture yourself on rough days? To hold back the anger and longing and find acceptance? Has your yoga practice opened your eyes to any of this or found a way of communicating with you or giving you some peace?

Wow this was stunning and so well written. I was so “with you” the entire time and was so happy someone wrote about this! I’ve been trying to get into yoga lately. I see inspirational quotes and ideas on how yoga connects you to yourself and gives you far more than just stretching. For some reason I’ve never been able to get the spiritual and connectedness of yoga, and I’m a very spiritual person. So thank you for writing this. It’s starting to make more sense 🙂

carly – I absolutely love this post. So openly vulnerable and touching.
Thank you for sharing your journey, beautiful. Yoga really is life transformative, if you let it do its thing 🙂 Much love to you xx

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B l o g g e r ♦ A u t h o r ♦ T h i n k e r

Living My Mindful Healing Journey...Breathing + Sharing the complexities of 22 years with chronic illness.
Soaking up wisdom ♦ Immersing in Nature ♦ Indulging in Writing.
And filling myself up - in the ways which count.
♦ As I dare to keep my dreams alive ♦

Copyright owned by Carly @carlyjennings.co.ukDisclaimer: This Website and all the information which it contains is based on my own personal experience and health journey which I am sharing for educational and informational purposes only. Please consult your own doctor or healthcare provider to determine the best course of treatment for you.