Tuesday, May 26, 2015

let be

The last four or so months have been so jam-packed for me. In every possible way. Those that know me well know that I am a roller-freaking-coaster left to my own devices but when life feels like a roller coaster and I get on that roller coaster, sometimes it is less than pretty. The highs are real high and the lows are real low. I'm a mountain-top and a parched-in-the-desert type of girl, I guess. (So many metaphors right now. Whatever.)

I've been doing a whole lot of asking a whole lot of questions the last few months. Why do I have to choose between work and this major event? Why didn't I actually get that job I wanted? Why can't I be several places at once (no, but seriously)? Why isn't she more proud of me? Why did I not get that other job I wanted? Why is this so intense? Why can't I figure this out because I'm thinking about it constantly & shouldn't that solve everything? Why is this person even in my life? Why can't this be simple? Why are all these doors being opened & shut & opened & shut?
See what I mean?
It's so fun being in my head. Aren't you jealous?

But, thank God, the roller coaster takes a pit stop every now & again and I can breathe. When I take a step back from the over-thinking & the over-analyzing & the constant why why why how how how what what what, take my hands off of what I actually really can't control, and take a breath, God lets so much light in. His gentle nudging toward peace & light can be so overwhelming.