Tag Archives: parents

I thought it might be cool if Erica wrote a little blog entry about her point of view. I did not edit it here it is. I do not see anywhere in here about how handsome I am, s but maybe I missed it after all I am blind. She is very sweet and beautiful see I know how to complement.

Joe and I met at a party about eight months ago. He’ll tell you it was a year ago, but it wasn’t I’m a girl we remember dates! I never had met a blind person before, but we talked for a few minutes. I remember thinking to myself I wonder how he is viewing me, since he can’t see me? We didn’t exchange numbers or anything that night, but we ran in to each other at a Louisville football game a month later. Robin had an upset stomach, so I offered to run by Walgreens and pick up some medication for her. I took Joe to his house, and he invited me in, and we ended up sitting outside talking for several hours. Talking with him is really nice, because most of the time he listens. I stress most of the time, because he still is a guy.

After that night we didn’t really hang out much. We’d would text each other from time to time, and one time during the holidays we went out for cheesecake. In April I invited him to a party at my apartment, and he came which surprised me. We started talking more and more from that night on, and I just started falling in love with him. He is so fast with come backs, and his ability to make me laugh is astounding. I didn’t really know what dating him would be like, or if he would be interested in me. If you read this blog one thing you may not pick up on is Joe can be awfully shy. He has been burnt by past relationships, so I understand his apprehension.

Once we started actually dating we had a few hurtles to maneuver, but things are really well now. Joe loves his independence, and I truly understand that as much as I can. He doesn’t want to burden me or have me do all the work but a relationship wouldn’t work out that way anyway. Joe is so caring, and thoughtful. Last night I cooked dinner for him, and before we ate he took my hand and prayed. After the prayer he just held my hand for a second squeezed it and said thank you for dinner I really appreciate it. He’s always doing little things that make me feel special. After dinner he thanked me again with a hug. Previous boyfriends I’ve had never thanked me for cooking or if they did it was something quick and felt like they just expected it. He also put a lot of thought in to our first kiss which I found real sweet. He went over that already, so I will skip it, but it was breath taking.

I get the question a lot from friends what is it like dating someone blind? I don’t really think about it a lot to be honest. The only times I notice him really being blind is when he sits in a room with no lights on, or I walk in to his apartment and it’s completely dark. I now just turn on lights without saying anything, but I remember once I asked him how do you stand it so dark? He just laughed at me, and once in a while he’ll bring it up as a joke. I used to think to myself when we first met how does he do this or how would he do that, but after you spend time with him those questions fade. He’ll hate this part, but I do find him amazing at times, because I don’t think I would be as successful not being able to see. He makes it look so easy, but I’ve closed my eyes and it’s pretty overwhelming to me.

One thing I enjoy is describing things to him. We went to the Empire state building over the weekend, where I described the view to him. I find it at times challenging, because I want him to be able to form a picture of what I’m describing. During movies he will ask me what happened at a time where there is no dialog, and I’ll fill in the blanks for him. I’m amazed though how much he can pick up on just by listening, because I thought at first I had to describe everything but he quickly stopped me from doing that. I usually don’t describe anything now unless he asks, because I don’t want to annoy him.

I’ve honestly had friends tell me that I’m a good person for being with someone who’s blind. It upset me the first time I heard this, and I haven’t talked to that person since. There is more to Joe than his blindness, and honestly it’s the smallest part of him. I having a good heart has nothing to do with my relationship with Joe nor do I care what your opinion of us is. My family loves him, and they see how well he treats me. I think for my parents it was a bit awkward for them meeting Joe the first time. They had never met a blind person before, so they asked me a lot of questions before meeting him. I remember my mom said something about did you watch the Voice last night? She then quickly said I’m sorry did you listen to the Voice last night? Joe was real sweet about it, and just said yes I saw the Voice last night.

I think the key for us is communication. Even if something causes us to get in to an argument we’ll talk about it later. I love that aspect of our relationship. He’ll send me a text message at the right time during the day saying I miss you, or I just wanted to say I love you.

I don’t think Joe being blind matters to me at all. We’re going to go on a trip over the weekend, and I know he feels bad he can’t help me drive, but if he holds my hand and talks to me it’ll all work out.

I’m going to wrap this up now, and I hope someone finds this information useful. I think confidence plays a big part in relationships in the beginning I don’t think Joe was confident in his ability, and may have found me a bit intimidating. I think as we’ve grown were finding a middle ground where we can trust each other. I know it will just take time for him to understand I don’t mind if he calls me to take him somewhere. If I’m busy or can’t I will let him know, and he can use his other sources. Ultimately I want to make his life easier just like he does for me. Dating Joe has been no different than anyone sighted I’ve dated, and I wish everyone could see it that way. Obviously he has some limitations, but everyone does. If you focus on negative things about people you’ll constantly miss the positive atttributes people can bring. Yes Joe can’t drive me around, but he can still spoil me in other ways or do things that make me feel even more extraordinary.

Most of the time I notice him being blind has to do with light. One night I remember waking up and having to use the bathroom I walk in to the bathroom and flip on the light and there Joe is in the dark with earbuds on. It almost gave me a heart attack! I’m working on him using lights. In the morning he takes a shower with his Bluetooth speaker and will sing songs it usually is a Miley Cyrus or Taylor Swift song. haha it makes me laugh though! This last paragraph was rushed, because I wanted to get even with him for something he promised me know editing so I better see this.

I pressure myself a lot on first dates. I try not to show it, but whenever I go out with anyone on a date I get a bit uncomfortable. Once I know someone for a while I settle in, but I struggle with trying to show I’m confident and capable I think I over compensate at times. Last night my friend Pat texted me, and asked if I would want to go out on a date with someone he knew from his church. I agreed, because honestly the last 3 weeks or so have been pretty deflating. I quit Clear Channel and didn’t get a job in baseball this year.

We met at a restaurant, and right away I had to shake off something that annoyed me. The waitress asked Nikki my date what would he like to drink? Why not just ask me? I spoke up and said he would like water. I phrased it just like that. I’m blind not deaf. It’s really hard for me anyway to go why anyone would want to be with someone who gets viewed like this. I’m sure I’m harder on myself than I should be, but I really am trying to be seen as desirable not worthless. After that little snag everything else went pretty well. We had a lot in common from music to sports. I’m pretty excited no matter where things decide to go.

Meeting someone’s parents can be pretty nerve racking for me as well. I remember when I met Lexi’s parents for the first time. Blind people don’t even make up 1% of the population, so it’s conceivable that you could go through your entire life and not meet anyone blind. When first meeting anyone I don’t care who it is there instantly is this response you get where it’s like you’re instantly Superman or pitied. A lot of people put themselves as blind and that’s not a real fair comparison, because you use sight for everything, so of course it would be scary. Anyway I remember meeting Lexi’s parents, and I was so nervous. It was the first time I really had met a girl’s parents, so I wasn’t sure what to do. I wanted to be extra manly for them to show I could protect their daughter, so the first time in my life I was pretty quiet. I over thought everything, and took myself out of my normal element. I’d like to tell you that life gets easier the more you do it, but talking with a friend the other night I’m not sure. He is married to a woman and they’re both blind. Her parents and he had arguments in the beginning where the parents tried to break them up since he is blind. They felt there daughter should be with someone who could protect and provide for her. Again I’m just stating what he told me, and his experience. Mine has been similar. It makes my head and heart hurt some times to be completely honest. My family still doesn’t get it, so it’s hard to fathom someone will. I try to remain upbeat, but the rejections are piling on me.

I remember driving to Evansville to see my niece being born. My grandpa in the car said if I found a sighted girl he’d buy her a car. A week later I nearly died from alcohol poisoning. When people put you in a spot where it’s like you need to find someone with sight or try to dictate what I need it really gets me down. I don’t look at the world in that way. I never would date anyone just because they had sight or just because they didn’t. I know a lot of women exclude me as a legit partner and that makes me sad, but in the end it’s there loss.

A lot of times too you’ll get women that want to be your mom rather than a girlfriend. I have one mom I don’t need another. I dated a girl once that would put on what she thought I would want to watch, and wouldn’t let me use the remote myself. When I wanted to watch something different she’d come in and change it. Needless to say I was out of that quickly. In a relationship I want to contribute my 50% not 5 or 10. Hell I might even contribute 80%. I used to think a relationship was 50 50, but the older I get I realize it never is quite equal. That has nothing to do with blindness, but people can’t be 50/50 all the time it is impractical.