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Topic: Beaning dipping King or just rude? (Read 15471 times)

So this is a situation that has come up a couple of times for me with the same person. At least he is treating everyone equal and doing the same thing. I'm not special to him (woo hoo!) but everyone is annoyed.

So I belong to a social group where people know each other by site and its turned into a loose group of good acquaintances. There is a wide range of people that are single, married, dating etc...We have new people show up all the time, and long standing members also. People from this group (SG) belong to other community interest groups (CIG) so there is some over flow. So its very common to ask about the person, what area you live, what you do for a living (retired or work or stay at home mom, etc). The organizer of the group is a fairly good friend of mine, as I've known her since before this group started and we have a good relationship.

One member, lets call him I, joined SG. in say Febuary this year and he nevers answers a direct question, it drives me batty. To the point where I have to bit my tongue not to say "What the * is wrong with you?" and I am generally a patient person. I also know that depending on what group he's visiting he will tell them his name is something else (in other words he's I in this group, A in anohter, M in another).

typical conversations are: me: I what do you doI: isn't the weather nice

Me: I, oh you have a motorcycle, what type. (He already knows that I know a lot about motorcycles)I: well, its got two wheels and.... (just looks away)Me: does it have a make and modelI: bike

Other person (as we are eating/ordering): I what did you orderI: well sub tax, total, change due....

Seriously all his conversations are like that and doesn't matter who you are talking to. ONe SG member yesterday was asking him politely if he would have a real conversation with her? and he didn't respond to her, he turned to another person at the table and started a whole other gibberish conversation.

After a while there were some of us that switched tables to talk to others in the group and socialize. I came up in conversation among us (He was elsewhere) and we were frankly complaining about his approach. The SG organizer looked at us saying "did you ever consider he's just a really private person". We said yes but his responses are way over the top, because we know that there is a difference between being private and answering simple questions. I did tell the few around that I hope he becomes comfy enough to even answer simple questions.

So my questions now is how to handle it and it this something that comes under being socially awkward person. I mean he seems like nice person and some of us would like to talk to him even about a neutral subject ie the weather. Would it be really rude of me to just say "HI" next time I see him and move tables if he tries to sit down? Any other suggestions. Cause honestly I think he's rude.

I don't think a person who is "private" would give snarky answers like the bike and subtotal, tax question. A simple "Harley" or "Cheeseburger" would have been sufficient without revealing anything. Maybe he's not rude, but just socially inept. He thinks he's being witty but he's not. He probably has socialization issues if she can't answer a single direct question without an offbeat answer. It sounds like there's enough people in the group that I'd just say Hi and avoid him going forward, then focus on other members.

The fact that he gives a different name in each group is creepy with a big red flag the size of Alaska. He sounds like someone to avoid and I wouldn't even bother with a "Hi". If he isn't interested in engaging in conversation, why is he there? Free Food? I hope you and others aren't giving him any of your personal information. Is there a leader/organizer of this group that can stop inviting him?

Logged

"A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools." ó Douglas Adams

I can come up with explanations for most of the behavior, but in combination he sounds pretty distrubing.

He may be ashamed of his job and possibly had bad experiences with people judging him based on his work.He may not even own a bike and said he does to seem cool. So he doesn't have any actual facts about said bike.He may have had a bad experience with people commenting on his food choices as either unhealthy or fattening or somehow wrong.

I got nothing on the different names to different groups of people though. I would stay away from this guy if I were you.

**Reason, i already suspected something like this and would be willing to give him the benefit of the doubt, if he would even answer an direct question.

Personally I think he likes this kind of attention, since last night he said something about a stripper and when I didn't catch the first part of it I asked are you a stripper. He just changed the subject.

I personally am getting the impression he likes this kind of negative attention, and feel that its really too bad. I will be continue to call him what someone else told me his name and just ignore for future.

I find this really interesting because I am currently teaching a student that thrives on negative attention to an almost unbelievable degree. It is quite common for students to muck up as an attention seeking ploy but this goes way, way beyond that and includes her peers as well as teachers. I have honestly wondered at times whether this girl is capable of normal peer interactions, yet she has been tested for all kinds of behavioural/learning issues and nothing comes up.

I'm wondering if this guy is the same. He may have developed to the point where he just doesn't know how to interact normally. I would simply avoid him. I think you are fine to say "Hi" and then simply leave. If he is anything like my student then it is probably uncomfortable being around him.

Can I ask why anyone still tries to engage in conversations with him? If he comes and sits at a table where you are, politely say hello and turn back to your other companion and conversation. If he tries to join the conversation, listen to his comment and give a non-committal response such as "that's nice" or "interesting" or a simple "oh".

No one should ever ask him a question more personal than " are you finished with that chair as I'd like to sit there if your leaving".

ROTF, My sincerest apologies for using the initial "I" to represent the offending party. Noted for nex time.

Some people still talking to him because they don't realize how wide spread his behaviour is. CAse in point, I was out at a friends bd party last night and stayed late with the bd girl and some guests (most of which know each other from teh SG). Anyways I mentioned something about the situation and it was only dawning on people how he behaves. Last night I heard "Yeah you know", or "Come to think about it"....I also heard first hand from the bd girl that the first time she met him (the first time he attended an event with SG) that he was quite talkative and she gave us some information about him. ONe the other hand I heard how someone else in the group handles him. She just choose a name for him and calls him what she wants and apparently he doesn't like that.

I carpooled with Jewels to the bd party last night and let her read this thread. She only met the guy once but totally agrees with the post and will not be engaging him in conversation.