For awhile, I’ve been compiling different lists of certain things. And while I thought 10 was too trite and five was just too small, I decided to come up with my “Great 8” lists. These are about anything that I come across in life from my favorite movies to my most influential hip hop albums (both lists are on the way). So from time to time I will drop another list out here and perhaps you could offer suggestions as to what should be on mine, and maybe make your own. The possibilities are ENDLESS!!! Anyway, here is the first in my series of “Great 8 Lists.”

Worst Movie by a Great Actor

1. Dreamcatcher/Morgan Freeman – This movie is absolutely dreadful (Simon Cowell voice). When this script was delivered to him he should have been able to smell the stench of awful through the manilla envelope. It’s a shame “Red” from my #2 movie of all time (Shawshank Redemption) would ever attach his name to such filth. This might be one of the worst movies, ever, regardless of who’s in it.

2. Gigli/Al Pacino – Now, I never saw this movie (thank goodness), but I didn’t hear a SINGLE good thing about it. If the fact that Al Pacino is in it, but Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez are the “stars”, that should tell you something right there. Come on Al, you should know better than that.

3. The Island of Dr. Moreau/Marlon Brando – What a disaster this movie was. Cloning and all sorts of scientific nonsense all lost in the fact that both Brando (and Val Kilmer) said “Okay, that sounds like a good movie.” I just hope no one tries to clone this idea in a couple years and give it another go-around.

4. Dragnet/Tom Hanks – Now, I like Tom Hanks. I like a lot of the movies that he’s been in. But during the 80’s, there were some, “Are ya sure you want to make this movie, Tom?” flicks and out of them all, this was by far the worst. First of all the premise is already terrible because the original “Joe Friday” had died before filming and couldn’t even make a guest appearance (not that he would have). It also had this pagan sacrifice case that they were solving and well, yikes.

5. Hollywood Homicide/Harrison Ford – Known for his famous “Gimme back my family” scowl, Mr. Ford has not been known equally for his script choices. You would think co-starring with Captain Mumbles (Josh Hartnett) would have been an indicator to avoid this movie, but maybe Harrison’s “Indiana Jones cash” was running a little low. Either way, terrible plot, and even Harrison’s comedic presence (he is pretty funny too) couldn’t save this Titanic of a film that was destined for the bottom of a $2.99 bin at Wal-Mart.

6. Snakes on a Plane/Samuel L. Jackson – I’m not sure I need to say much about this. Except for the snakes looked O-SO fake, it looked like a bad discovery channel documentary about how snakes sneak aboard planes. And I’m pretty sure that the movie made about $43, so I’m not even sure every person who worked on it went to see it (probably because they knew how awful it was).

7. Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle/Robert De Niro – Of all the movies on the list, this is the most perplexing. Name the movie that featured live action/animation interaction that was worth the gross buttery topping that you put on your popcorn when you went to see the movie. First of all, who decided that Rocky and Bullwinkle needed to become a movie? It was probably the same guy who thought that “Dudley Do-Right” was a winner. I hope De Niro scored some MAJOR bank for this, because it’s a far cry from “Raging Bull”, “Taxi Driver”, and “Goodfellas” (all stellar De Niro performances). What a shame.

8. Man of the House/Tommy Lee Jones – Almost 10 years after winning an Oscar for his role in The Fugitive (opposite Harrison Ford), Tommy Lee (not the drummer) stumbled onto this gem of a movie no doubt while reaching into the trash for his Monopoly board at an LA McDonalds. Just looking at the movie poster, it seems like he’s thinking, “If I don’t move no one will see this movie.” And I’m pretty sure nobody did.

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3 responses to “My “Great 8” Lists”

you write like you talk. and sometimes it makes me laugh right out loud. such as in this post.
when i read your post about who has influenced you and saw jack’s name, i knew you would reference ‘the year we perfected the meeting’. while i believe that this past year of my life has surpassed that one in difficult (by that i mean this year has been one hundred thousand times harder. just in a different way. a way that has required less scheduled meetings and agendas), that year will always stand out. meetings and taco bell. and you breaking my car.

i agree with knepper. reading through the list was like you presenting the monologue for it. i literally laughed out loud. more than twice. haha even reading it again. i laugh out loud. pure entertainment.