Mr. Clean vs The Succubus

I got all dolled up tonight (RE: hair and makeup, literally nothing else because I dress like a bag lady,) and my lady-date cancelled on me last minute. What do? Fuck it, I’m gonna weasel my way into hangout time at the house I have to run an errand to. Oh, you have company? Cool, I’mma sit down next to them and we’re gonna be buddies. You’re welcome. We’re discussing the finer points of DMT, LSD, etc., while surfing YouTube, when I get hit up by someone on Plenty of Fish saying he read my blog and wants to get to know me better. Cursory check of the profile, he’s in law enforcement… interesting… then I notice in his profile he mentions something to the effect of “if you’ve ever said Fuck The Police, here’s your chance.” Sold. Cops with a sense of humor? Send ’em my way… please don’t look in my purse. I have big plans for him. Not an hour after I sent my last message to him and it has gone without reply, I get a notification from MeetMe that I have a message. Oh, what’s this tall drink of water want with me? He also read my blog, and complimented my writing ability. Thanks handsome, tell me more about what you like about me! I thought I lost him when he said to have a good night- no, please don’t go! You didn’t send me a dick pic or ask to see my tits, I’m interested! We exchange some pleasantries, and laugh about how MeetMe is basically a zoo but all the animals are on or selling meth. Then he tells me he’s a former local cop. WAIT. FULL STOP.

I am suspicious. Suddenly I remembered I’m not a minority or a drug dealer, so I’m good. Kidding, I’m Black by injection. Transracial by osmosis, if you will. But nobody ever tells me to stop resisting, if anything they like it when I have a little fight in me. Struggle snuggle. Our chat is fun, flirty, then very direct. He’s already had some fun tonight with his FWB, but referred to himself as insatiable. Yeah, OK stud. I’m sure. I’d break you in half without even putting a dent in my sexual appetite. We go over our do’s and don’ts- as he mentioned after reading my blog, we sound very compatible. Meet you at my place, big guy. Let’s dance. I tell my friends of the sudden interest I seem to spark in 5-0 hitting me up for happy fun time, and was given the best idea ever should I choose to ever demand it. “Make them slap it out in a battle of War, winner gets to fuck you and the loser is cuckolded to watch.” Holy. Shit. YES!? Can I make such ridiculous demands yet? Can’t hurt to try I suppose… this is going to happen. Much like my fantasy to get fucked thoroughly by a Bull while a small army of cucks listen in the living room- they must decide a champion among them to clean me up after the Bull leaves, and then I want to harness them all together and have them pull me in a chariot. Because Kylie-FUCKING-Minogue has hot dudes pull her chariot in leather bondage horse masks and I just want to touch that dream. Don’t judge me, indulge me. I need a shower suddenly…

So anyway, he meets me at my house after he showers off his previous sexual encounter and promises me he’s not too tired to bring the noise as I very much expect. He’s tall, over 6 foot. I feel small. Throwing my arms around him we hug our hello. Oh lord, those strong arms and big shoulders… hide your excitement, he can’t know yet! For no apparent reason, I put on high heels. My toe, by the way, is still letting me know I broke it. Fuck it, pain is beauty. He comments his appreciation for the heels- good, good. Come sit on my bed next to me, I’m flustered trying to make things ready for fucky-fucky. I hadn’t intended on company tonight. The transition from casual chatting to casual sex was flawless. His hand found the knot in my neck I can’t work out, then I laid back and he tilted my face up to his. Our mouths meet and the tingles shoot to my lady parts. God damn can he kiss. Passionate kissing gets me wet instantly- yes, make me want it like you want it. He’s pawing at me and nuzzling my neck, biting my lip. I want it. Quietly he tells me “I need to taste you,” and moves between my legs, removes my panties, and dives head first into my business. Fuck. Shit. YES. YESSSS. I’m grabbing for hair he doesn’t have, shaved clean, and he’s trying to hold my thighs apart long enough to make me climax. How many did he give me!? 3!? And he pushes my legs back like The Thickness, but instead licks my asshole. I can’t stop yelling and squirming and there’s no way to hold his head. He never grows gills so eventually he has to come up from his duties. We’re kissing again and I’m enjoying my taste in his mouth. When exactly our clothes came off I’m not sure of, but at this point I flipped him to his back and told him I had a party trick. He is not prepared.

Lube in my hands, I’m about to show him all the stuff I learned from watching Nina Hartley instructional videos. Gasp! Oh no! My secret is out! Yeah, I learned how to give head and hands from a porn star… I’d sell my soul to meet her and just listen to her talk for hours, honestly. Hey, remember Cold War? He looked up “hot to make a woman squirt” on YouTube, followed what he learned, and it worked on me. Stop making excuses for being a bad fuck, learn how to do it right. I swear, this is why smart/nerdy people make better lovers- we do our homework, and pride ourselves on doing a good job. ANYWAY. I start my two-handed stroke and he’s now a believer that I maybe know what the fuck I’m doing. I got him real close and he stopped me- not yet, he whispers. Fine. Count to 10, think about Grandma or whatever, go back to what I’m doing but this time I add my mouth. I’m watching him while I work it, he’s white knuckle grasping my bedding and slowly writhing. Did he say something? Probably. YOU’RE WELCOME. Well, I’m done here. I made my point. Toss a condom at him, he tells me he brought his own. Shit, there goes my plan to trap him with a baby after poking holes in all my condoms. Pfffft, I wouldn’t do that. I’d have an abortion for the Vicodin, though.

He puts the condom on and wants me to trade him spots on the bed- I was just going to hop on and be on top, but alright. Whatever you say, sir. He wants me on my stomach to start, deal. Pushing inside me all at once I am very happy with his size and stroke. He’s fucking me hard while I’m burying my face in my arms, pillows, bedding, whatever I can. Bringing me to climax he reaches under me and rubs my clit, I lose my mind. Am I having a seizure, wtf is my body doing? I think he got close again a couple times, because he’d stop or slow down for a moment- then go right back to laying pipe. He rolled me onto my side a couple times throughout the night, loved it. I had my heels on still, by the way. Rolling me onto my back he goes from standard missionary to holding my legs in various ways. When I’d start to cum he’d withdraw, shove his fingers back inside me, and jackhammer my gspot like Clark Kent. Pretty much just screaming and yelling my orgasm, I might’ve squirted but I have no idea. My head is spinning and I’m reeling from such an intense O, before I come back to Earth he’s already inside me again pounding my pussy like it owes him money. He’s gonna do it, he’s gonna make the dominos fall. That’s when my orgasms get so close together it’s like I don’t stop cumming. Just one after another. He kept at it, right when I’d start to tighten up and climax, he’d aggressively finger punch my gspot until I probably sounded something like a strangled waterbuffalo. The uglier the sounds are that I’m making, the better of a job you’re doing. I assume fucking me is like fucking a deaf chick, but louder and with less novelty.

I allowed him to cum in my mouth twice, reciprocating his gift of oral both times. You get what you give, suckafish! His first orgasm, he politely asked where I’d like him to cum. I should have told him “on a framed picture of your mother” but I was busy. (I’m not playing hard to get, I’m playing hard to want!) His orgasm is intense. I took as much of him as I could and moved my tongue up and down his shaft while he was maybe tickling my uvula. He’s moaning and gasping and being hot as fuck, I’m repeating “don’t barf, don’t barf, don’t barf,” in my head. Spit, rinse, cuddle time? YAY! This is when he tells me I’ve drained him. But… but… I’m not done with you yet, sir. We take a break, I pounded a Gatorade (I literally keep 2 cases under my bed, because I’m not a fucking amateur,) he cinched me into a corset and I played dress up for a bit. Something something tiny dictator, he did pull-ups for me on the power tower at the foot of my bed. That back, though. Damn. I JUST WANT TO LICK LSD OFF OF YOU. We used two condoms the first round, one of which is MIA somewhere in my room because they get chucked like grenades when not in use. Second round was just exchanging oral. He tapped out after getting his second orgasm, but right as he finished cumming in my mouth the second time he told me his toes were curling. Yeah. Eat a banana next time, I’mma fuck you so much you get a Charlie horse in your leg. ASK ME HOW I KNOW. He also mentioned to remind him to always give me head so that I’ll gift it back to him so gloriously.

I tried to trapdoor spider ensnare him back into my bed and he threatened to drop me on the floor. I almost wanted to fight him on it, but I accepted his departure. He had to drive home and doesn’t even live in my town. Throughout the night, he referred to me as a succubus. I tried to make my Calypso reference from the Odyssey but we were both too cumdumb for me to really articulate myself in any meaningful way. I wanted more. Don’t leave… we make plans to see each other again. Yes. Come to me. Bring me that dick you enjoyable man! 10/10 would fuck again. I absolutely will fuck him again, he’s delightful. I’m going to go have wet dreams about carbs while I cry in my sleep now. He said something about pizza before leaving and now I cannot stop thinking about it.

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DD Fnord

I left my cheating spouse September of 2015. In October of that year, I filed for divorce and set out to move on and reclaim my lost libido. I spent 8 years of my 20's faithful to two unfaithful men, I have so much time to make up for! All The Dicks is my journey having sex with whoever I want, whenever I want, however I want. The first person I spent the night with after my husband, reignited the spark and desire I thought I would need counseling to retrieve. The second person I was with sealed the deal. I wasn't broken, I just needed a tune up. This collection of encounters are the ones worth re-telling- I don't write about every sexual encounter I have, and I certainly don't bother with any that were sub-par. The screenshots are my own personal wall of shame, but also my trophies because nobody puts baby in a corner.
View all posts by DD Fnord