Jeremiah has avoided dental treatment for about four years after he was hit in the face with a ball.

Guys, apparently we suck at going to the doctor and looking after ourselves. So in this instalment of our favourite "watch with your hands over your eyes" TV show, our Embarrassing Bodies doctors are getting a handful of blokes' tackle, dealing with dodgy dicks and get to grips with anal growths and bulging balls. Wow. How blessed we are!

Dr Sam promises the doctors can't be shocked. "There's nothing we haven't seen," he says, which makes me wonder what it is he hasn't seen, because surely there is something he hasn't. Surely?

In tonight's Movember-timed episode on Lifestyle You, there's also the offer of visiting Dr Ginni's G-spot (calm down) and apparently (I can't guarantee this because my head was buried in my hands) a bloke whose teeth fall out.

Jeremiah's tooth has stayed in the mouth but falls out of place when there's too much movement.

A fear of the dentist - I can wholeheartedly sympathise - has led Jeremiah to avoid dental treatment for about four years after he was hit in the face with a ball. The tooth has stayed in the mouth but falls out of place when there's too much movement.

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Dr Sam tells Jeremiah that he must see a dentist urgently.

Among this week's eye-opening statistics are that 24,300 Australian men - who, on average, drink 100 litres of beer each year - will die of cancer each year. That's 7000 more than the number of women. Surely avoiding the doctor isn't worth it that much?

Dr Ginni meets Malcolm, who can't have surgery to fix his tummy because he's a smoker.

Dr Brad's first patient, Craig, has a less-than-pleasurable growth in his pants, and it's getting bigger. He can't wear jeans or tie his laces because of a painful lump on his left testicle. Driving is impossible.

The growth started eight months ago - after four months, the lump was the size of a peach - and it has since doubled. Dr Brad gets Craig to drop his dacks to see if the situation can become peachy.

The diagnosis is a hydrocele testis - a cyst inside the scrotum that can be caused by infection, trauma to the area or it can be spontaneous. Craig's only option is an operation to drain the cystic fluid. Enough to make you shudder, even if it isn't your balls at stake.

Malcolm has lost 90 kilograms but he's been left with a truckload of smelly excess skin.

Also suffering a shudder-worthy condition is Adam, 20, who has enormous warts in his anus. They have been sexually transmitted and cause difficulties in going to the toilet and cause Adam to fear needing to use the toilet in public.

For Adam, an operation is needed to remove the warts. He chooses to have the warts fully excised, rather than electronically stopped from growing any further. In his return visit to Dr Sam, Adam says the result is great - his hole is clear and he feels 200 per cent better.

It wouldn't be a men's health special without a dodgy dick, and this week it comes from Desmond. He had his prostate removed two years ago because of cancer, but now he would like to get and maintain an erection.

Dr Brad recommends a penis pump be surgically installed, which comes with a switch to inflate at the required time. During surgery, we are treated to a test run - and fortunately for Desmond, it all works as required. But try losing the image of that procedure. It's a struggle.

Dr Ginni meets Malcolm, who has lost 90 kilograms through lap band surgery, but he's been left with a truckload of smelly excess skin. But since he's a smoker, surgery is not an option because, as the good doctor points out, the chances of recovery are severely decreased.

Dr Ginni has more success with her G-spot, which is less exhibitionist than first suggested and instead involves people stepping up to the doc and asking questions about men and their health; such as "do men have a time of the month?". We never said they'd be questions you didn't already know the answers to.

Dr Christian's cameo this week comes when he and Dr Sam vox pop blokes about whether they check their balls for growths. There are no public displays just yet, although later Dr Christian tells two footballers that "it's quite relaxing watching your testicles undulate".

Not going to argue with you, doc, although I can't agree that British blokes don't play with their tackle.

There's a similar message to women about checking their breasts for lumps and other painful spots, though the testicles are far less attractive than breasts.

Dr Christian is also on hand to give a few home truths about farts - yes, even people who deny farting actually do fart.

And Dr Sam deals with a snoring victim who sounds like a Star Wars character. Sorry mate, your wife dobbed you in. Might want to take that up with her later. Let's hope your mantra of "happy wife, happy life" is actually correct, for your sake.

24 comments

"Warts in the anus" being discussed in SMH, and he got it through "sexual transmission", who would have thought. The latte set won't be able to consume their latte today.

Commenter

Sir Marmaduke Murgatroyd

Location

Kingsford Smith

Date and time

November 12, 2013, 11:10PM

To really make you spit your latte..."various studies suggest that the prevalence of HPV in normal oral mucosa to be 0.6% - 81%."

Commenter

Are you sure

Location

that cup is clean?

Date and time

November 13, 2013, 9:10AM

Cant wait to see all this.

Commenter

Dear me

Date and time

November 13, 2013, 2:14PM

ok anal warts aside, what's with this "latte set"?...I see quite a few SMH posters use this?

Commenter

perplexed

Location

nsw

Date and time

November 13, 2013, 7:27AM

perplexed, it's a reasonably polite barb at the left, as opposed to all the nazi and redneck references they like to trot out at every opportunity. Insults always speak volumes about the utterer.

Commenter

Gazzatone

Location

Date and time

November 13, 2013, 2:07PM

Perplexed- it is a well worn and facile dig at readers of the fairfax press for evidently being inner city lefty latte drinkers because we like our news independent.

Commenter

Lady Reality

Date and time

November 13, 2013, 8:00AM

No kidding

Commenter

Black con leche

Location

Date and time

November 13, 2013, 8:35AM

Yes, they like their independent news customised and tailored. But mostly the lefty latte set is a mutual admiration society where they convince each other that their views are the only correct interpretations on any and every subject.

Commenter

Prickly

Location

Melbourne

Date and time

November 13, 2013, 10:11AM

Wish I'd cut the name of the person whom wrote the following so as to give them full credit for their witty repartee. But I did love it so much, I emailed it to a few friends so still have it.

"Would you prefer a Decafe caramel mochachino?? We use the term Latte sippers as an informal collective noun to describe the superiority collective. It is hard to recognise a neo progressive if you are one. You can do a test. Do you live within 5km’s of the cbd AND shop at farmer’s markets/Organic fruit shops? Do you believe that the only reason people do not agree with your point of view is because a) They are not as educated as you. b) They have been brainwashed and manipulated by Rupert Murdoch. Did you pay more than $400 for your cat? Do you enjoy activated Almonds for breakfast? Do you eat Kale? Have you completed a non-vocational university degree? This test is not guaranteed but if you have answered YES to one or more of these questions you could be a neo progressive in the latte sipping superiority collective."

Brilliance, sheer brilliance. I hope the writer sees this and may take credit for their work.

Commenter

What he said

Location

Date and time

November 13, 2013, 10:46AM

"Yes, they like their independent news customised and tailored. But mostly the lefty latte set is a mutual admiration society where they convince each other that their views are the only correct interpretations on any and every subject."

So....you're saying they're exactly the same as every other social grouping in the history of humanity, then?