Amos, when you get to be my age you start repeating yourself. I think I've said before that you start repeating yourself. You simply can't help repeating yourself at my age.

But I wish like hell that I could remember the trilingual pun I made on the word "voiture" once. Unfortunately, I was drinking wine, as was everyone else, and I don't remember it. Anyway, as I was saying, when you reach a certain age you start repeating yourself. And you'll have to forgive me, because I think I've reached the age when you start repeating yourself.

So on Friday afternoon I was sitting in my home office at the computer near the window and through the mini-blinds I see a man walk next to the house from the front walk around to the side of the house, heading for the side door. Why didn't he ring the front bell, and what is he doing wandering on the lawn? Peeping?

I hurried to the side door and there this young man was, clipboard and bag of metal signs in hand. I opened it and he starts right out, no introduction, with an authoritative tone (like maybe he's a city official?) quizzing me on the survey he did of my front yard. "Survey? Who's asking?" was my response.

"Such and such security company." He was trying to impress me with his professionalism, apparently, by having trod through my gardens before knocking.

"I'm not interested," I tell him through the attractive heavy gauge wrought iron and steel grill security door. "I have a pit bull and a catahoula in the back yard" And I'm talking through a security door which I haven't opened to this stranger. The door is next to decorative iron security bars on the windows.

"I have a pit bull in my yard also," he informs me, "but he still doesn't know how to dial 911."

"Go away. I'm not interested," I tell him as I shut the regular door in his face. I could have really singed his ears about the stupidity of his argument, but I was busy. I almost suggested he walk around to the side gate without me beside him and see what the dogs have to say to him. They're good girls, and gregarious, but if they haven't been properly introduced, they really make a fuss. And it is always much better to make a show of being secure so calling 911 is not necessary.

I had a guy give me that "...but they can't call 911" line once out here. I'd told him that I was armed (true, but the guns are locked away in the basement and the ammo is locked up seperately). I looked at him with what I hope was a cold, deadly eye and replied, "If I call 911 I won't have any fertilizer for the roses."

He really didn't have much to say to that, so he gave me a funny look and left.

I had a guy give me that "...but they can't call 911" line once out here. I'd told him that I was armed (true, but the guns are locked away in the basement and the ammo is locked up seperately). I looked at him with what I hope was a cold, deadly eye and replied, "If I call 911 I won't have any fertilizer for the roses."

He really didn't have much to say to that, so he gave me a funny look and left.

I discovered last night when I looked at an image I photoshopped (using my left-hand monitor) that when it is on the right-hand monitor there is a lot that I can't see on the older left-hand side any more. I do web design and photo correction, so I have to guy buy a new monitor. I've tried adjusting the color and blurriness for a few weeks. This was the "writing on the screen," so to speak.

I'll see you after lunch, MOM. I've done some comparing and it looks like either Office Depot or Dell. Probably Office Depot because the savings I get at Dell I'll pay in shipping.

You misunderestimate me, amigo. I meant those who try to make people live in fear in order to profit from it, such as Stilly's security-system salesperson, President Bush, and some Life Insurance salesmen, the kind who like to say "If anything should ever happen to you, Heaven forbid!, what would happen to your family?" and similar bon mots of FUD.

I have a card on the computer that allows me to run two monitors at once. I could actually run four if I wanted. This means a larger work area and it is easier to have multiple programs running and browser window open for dragging stuff back and forth. Now I'm going to have one standard 17" monitor and beside it a wide 20" monitor meaning they'll both stand about the same height, they cost about the same, but the new one will look better and be wider. I'll see how long I can stand it. No point in spending the same amount of money on an old outmoded monitor. ;)

Up in the mountains in Northern Japan live the Ainu. Traditionally, they worshiped bears and other creatures and indeed found the world around them filled with spirits. But archeologists have recently discovered that originally they worshiped a...well, they really don't have a name for it. Not a fetish, not an idol, not a symbol. It was a very large carved pole nearly six meters around and proportionately tall. Worshiped but largely ignored by the Ainu people, the word used for it translates best as "large object of great girth." Historians refer to it as the "Ainu big thing."

Rapaire, try to exercise some discriimination here,w ould you? Just because you can ionvent a pun for almost any word int he English language, doesn't mean you should go ahead and burn the midnight oil composing these long, scurrilous backgrounds for them and then post them here!!

Don't you have a forum of your grade-school classmates for this kind of material?

Ol' Doc Magoffin went into the Legion Hovel last night and ordered a drink -- his usual, a daquari. He consumed it in record time and asked for another. "This one should be a different daquari," he said Lazy Lax, who was keeping the bar last night. He's called Lazy Lax because that's short for Laxative, which is his first name -- his whole name is Laxative Easily Goes Smith. He was named by his father, who got the name on the birth register before his mother could object and since he's not much good for anything except bartending he got the nickname "Lazy Lax."

He can't saw a cord of wood or even drive a nail to save his soul, but he's a natural bartender. He can whip up any drink called for without looking it up. Once I asked for a Sazerac and he replied, "Cain't. Ain't got the right bitters fer it." Anyway, he turned from Ol' Doc Magoffin and whipped up a drink, turned and set it in from of the Doc. There was something in the bottom and a chopstick sticking out.

Hey MOM! You know that rotton spot in the flooring of the porch? Well, I got rid of it last night. It probably would have been better if I hadn't done it by breaking through and landing on my OTHER leg as I did it - but the important point is the rotton spot is gone.

I love playing MOAB Lotto. You roll your cursor over the Great Nummbers Grid at the top and randomly click the button. Then flick your scroll wheel a couple of times randomly and you land on some post from our dingy past, or our brilliant past, whatever... and see if it makes you smile. You can do this for hours, so rich is our store of past BS.