You worry about us while I worry about you My wounds have mostly healed Yours, are still unfairly new

Still vulnerable, still susceptible, Still affected by so much Bruised around the edges Still tender to the touchMemories, there on the wall Reminders, flashing on the screen Taking you back to a hurt that never should have been Pictures and question marks Still images, still fresh Years of mixed emotions, rubbing against your flesh The occasions, the situations With family, with friends The sudden jolt to your system When some of your past attends Incessant and intrusive probing Concerned people, hassling you The pangs from a harsh reality, that may or may not be true
Occasional reminders,
that prick you like a pin
Sharp and pointed circumstance
Jabbing at your skin Rumours, and stories that swirl Of others, going through the same Open secrets and indiscretions The deflecting of the blame Sad and similar symptoms, that you reluctantly understand Taking you an unhealthy distance from the life that you had planned

You worry about us and I worry about you This is what I can see This is all I can do

There is pain that I recognize Sore spots, we have both got Other aches, I can understand
Worse ones, that I cannot
Nights, together in your home
Putting myself in your place
Hours, rapt deep in our conversation
Moments, spent lost in your face
The nuances of your smile
The emotions, found in your eyes
A shimmering well of melancholy
behind a wavering disguise
The sharp, cruel jabs of pain,
that stab your heart like a knife
The tears, that occupy my mind,
as we sit, surrounded by your life
Yet, there is no place I’d rather be
There with you, trying to comprehend
Distracting you and laughing with you
As your partner, as your friend
Taking you to a fun and happy now,
And sitting beside you there
Giving only me, and who I am,
In every minute that we share
Knowing, I have zero urge to sit
where someone else has sat
That I am one hundred percent yours
That I can promise you that
I have my steadfast morals
I have my own unique charms
I have this love for you,
and I have two strong arms

You worry about us I worry about you I promise you my honesty That is the most I can do

InsteadJust two, on a care free Saturday night Alone together, while we have the chance Shared moments such nights enhance An exchange of music, a kitchen dance An exchange of smiles, a knowing glance

Sitting sideways on the couch Looking at you looking at meYour warm hand, resting on my knee Seeing exactly who I want you to see Who I really am, not who I might be

Comfortable with why and where we are The conversation eases to and froA flicker of candles, the music low Content to have nowhere else to goContent in knowing what we already know

My lips back slowly away from yours Your head still tilting, slightly to the sideA pause, as thoughts and words collide My heart swells, with nothing to hide My stomach churning, stirred up inside

A real and honest instinct, I choose to resist A heartfelt compliment, uttered insteadWe blow out the candles, and we go to bed With the tug of more inside of my head With those huge little words, left unsaid

WeightThis is about our something Our something significant Discoveries we have discovered Discussions still to discuss It’s the double entendre It’s the double meaning The weight of our wait The us, of just us

This feeling that we feel
This sharing that we share
The now, of being here
The then, of being there

The low of the lows
The alone of the lonely
The two of our together
The one, of our only

The right in the writing
The subtext in the texts
The impatience of our patience
The next of our nexts

The length of our lengths
The height of our highs
The careful to our caring
The why nots to our whys

The power in feeling powerless
The surge in our surges
The urge for our urgency
The urgency of our urges

The so far of how far
The good, of so far so good
The hope, and our hopeful
The could and our should

The me, in me and you
The you, in you and me
Our substantial substance
Our subtle subtlety

We take each of our days
one day at a time
Put our hearts out there
for our hearts to see
Far more than a cliché
Far more than a dream
The weight of our wait
Our will, and will be

We looked mostly straight ahead,the first time we met Walking, and small talking, already at ease, as I got to my car Yet, within the messages, that lead us to that point,I knew the enormityof getting that far

No sense of hasteas we leisurely walk Steadily paced in time and talkSelf discovery, together,
with no real clockFeeling more familiar with every block

We have picked up the pace, as we’ve moved along Both ready and content to be moving on Putting miles, and smiles, between us and the past The more we’ve walked The further we’ve gone

Continual but careful steps,on a path to each other, Patience, and anticipation, for what we have in storeSo far, so very good, for us, From nerves and hesitation, to comfortable conversations, to moments meant for more

Nights plannedfor more time aloneAs we delve, we understandour shared unknown Time well spent, together,
we can call our ownHand around hand, in our comfort zone

Everything, and time, plenty for us to discoverOur subtle intricacies,strides for you with meWalking and talking, as we ease into us,Heading toward whatever, whenever that may be

ImplicitI sense it in your demeanor I hear it in your voiceYou’d appreciate my input to steer you to your choice You are hesitant. I understand. The long-term is your concernYou digest the output from my live and learn

The strength of our friendship is our mutual respect My honest thoughts are all you can expect Frank and forward, telling it like it is My honest observations go something like this

Age is just a number, as the saying goes It’s really just a matter of who knows Fifty-three, the new forty-three Forty-two, so thirty-two?All that matters, really,is her, plus you

Perspective is everything,
when it comes to the heart
You are far better together
than when you’re apart
Fulfillment is truly reciprocal
It’s all about how you feel
If it feels best together,
what you have is real

So much common outlook,
that it’s effortless to share
Life is far more full
when you’re both there
The physical, the cerebral
The intimacy, the fun
Life seems more complete
when any two are one

We are in absolute agreement,
that the enemy is regret
It becomes more assured and clear
with the further we get
My words are implicit, coming from the right placeAs honest, and reassuring,asthe smile on your face

I sensed it in your ease I can hear it in your voiceBoth relaxed, and relievedwith your obvious choice You are happy. Bottom line. Nothing selfish in that smile You’ve known what you want for quite a while

“So give me hope in the darkness that I will see the light…Just promise me we’ll be alrightBut the ghosts that we knew made us black and all blueBut we’ll live a long lifeAnd the ghosts that we knew will flicker from viewAnd we’ll live a long life”‘Ghosts That We Knew’– Mumford & Sons

PastI took a chanceand let you into my heart. I let all of my feelings show. Uprooted my life, for me and you, but little did I know.

I discovered your wounds, written in your own words, there, for anyone to see. Cuts and bruises, vital accumulation, scars, that you never showed me.

The breadth of your struggles, so much I didn’t know, spread across my screen. Instead of in my mind. Instead of in my heart, where they should have been.

I took your determination, for never again, as a personal affront. Your learned defensive posture as harsh belligerence, you just being you, being blunt.

I would have tried harder to let you speak to me, to let your words get through. I could have helped you confront your demons, instead of confronting you.

It became impossible to live with you when you wouldn’t let me in. Hard for us to start over, with nowhere to begin.

Had I only known the slippery slope of dealing with your past.
Known that I would struggle
to wade through the depths
and dangers of your doubt. I still would have wanted you. I still could have loved you. I would have understood. I could have pulled you out.

I chose the challenge, and gave you my heart.Let all of my feelings show. Uprooted my life, to be with you, but little did I know.

If only I had known,
I could have earned your trust.
I would have opened up my mind.
Instead, I read of our demise, determined before we met, by those you left behind.Takers, martyrs, bullies, sad and hurtful people, there on my screen. Instead of in our talks. Instead of in my thoughts, where they should have been.

Until I read it,
I never once heard you
refer to your mother as Mom. In fact, I barely knew where all of the hurt
and resentment were from.

Never could I picture, you,
together with your ex. Made no sense to me at all. And, until I read the name, typed in bold hostility, I had never heard of Paul.

Bitterness and bravado. Broken pieces of the past, clenched inside your fist. Our time, our spirit, spent fighting with your ghosts. One more added to the list.

It’s tough to share with someone who barely gives. Hard to live with someone who reluctantly lives.

Had I only known the bleak history of your emotional pain. The depths to which those before me had sunk inside your mind. I still would have wanted you. I still could have loved you. I would have understood. I could have been more kind.

“As much as I’ve always been driven creatively to move forward toward something bigger, brighter, and unknown, I’m also a deeply-rooted nostalgic. I adore photos, mementos, all bits of ephemera that represent each and every time and space I traverse. I’m a hoarder when it comes to these things… A flood of memories wash over me when I find these treasures, all of them new again, focused by the perspective I’ve gained in the years since. It’s a beautiful kind of limbo, seeing yourself, your past alongside your present…”-Mick Fleetwood from Play On…Now, Then, And Fleetwood Mac The Autobiography-Limbo
There I am, sitting on the couch Looking as content as I can be But what makes me smile now Are the faces of the other three Friendships, made in a flashCultivated with laughter, and cold beers The time of my life, so many timesGreat nights, that turned into years

Sometimes I sit with a lost friend If only for a brief whileI gaze into her playful green eyes I remember his reluctant smileRealize just how alive they really wereAnd how precious that our time isThat contagious spirit, so uniquely hersThe distinctive laugh, that could only be his
A note, a post card, a poem Feelings that are, and/or used to be A letter filled with distant love Words, meant only for meWee hour messages that I have writtenHastefully penned, but never sentA shoebox, filled with emotionsPapers lined with what we meant

Flipping through the pages and photos
Snapshots of my life until now
People and places, that shaped who I am
Images of who, of where, when and how
Framed pictures of significant moments
Rectangular reminders of family and friends
Travels together on this wondrous journey
An evolving road, that curves and bends

It’s a beautiful kind of limbo
Spent with people that I know
A transcendent state of mind
And I can choose where to go
The full gambit of my experiences
The love, the pain, the pleasure
Memories, that take me away and back Moments, I will always treasure

Camping, Christmas, the dinner tableMy whole family, together in one placeThe truest essence of who I am todaySo much influence, etched in each faceMy Mom, my Dad, right there for meWhenever when my heart yearnsI amable to go home, again and againWith happy, and melancholy returns

Time-lapse capsules of my two daughtersWide-eyed infants, in the back seat of the carFrom half-day kindergarten to incredible teensEver-emerging lives, chronicled so farFirst steps, dance recitals, and graduationLovingly preserved, in albums or on DVDEven when they seem too far to reachI can find them here, in front of me

Awards, team photos, newspaper clippingsMemories of play that are always fondReminders of an enduring love of sportsTeammates, championships, a life-long bondWondering what became of those I coachedPeewee signatures on a thank-you cardEvents and people that helped me to growCharacter built, through practicing hard

These boxes that I’ve moved many times
To different homes, to cities and towns
Different cabinets containing my life
All of us sharing the ups and downs
I can open up whenever I want to
These memories, of importance to me
Their significance, personally priceless
Sentimental value, I can always see

It’s a beautiful kind of limbo Sitting there, beside myself A transcendent state of mind Brought down from a shelf My life, captured in momentsThe past, seen through today’s eyes Images, taking me away and backSuspended, for now, while time flies