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Thursday, December 01, 2005

Old School

Like you, I’m always searching the internet for the next big thing. And, by Jove, I think I've discovered the funniest writer on the internet. Strangely enough, it’s me. HotHardware.com has unwisely hired me to wax poetic, nostalgic, and ignorant on their fine tech site. Here’s the opening stanza:

OK, listen up. I'm old. I'm so old, I spell "Old Skool" "Old School."It's my curse in life to notice things. And I've noticed that life's changing rather faster these days. And unlike many of my old school brethren, I think it's swell. Beware of mildewed old farts lecturing you that life was better back when the telephone was a big black thing hanging on the kitchen wall with a big black cord and a bell like a four alarm fire, not like your newfangled Razr phone that takes upskirt photos. Time marches on, and that's fine by me.Like I said, I'm old. Not "drooling in a nursing home" old. Not "your next bed will have a lid" old. More like "I have two kids and pushing 50 old." If that makes me HotHardware.com's version of Andy Rooney, then so be it.

Wow! Read further, and you can read my resume, sorta. I feel like I left the trap door in my longjohns open by posting that on the internet. There goes my Supreme Court nomination.

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About Me

I lost my job making glass eyes for merry-go-round horses back in my youth. I decided to become a mercenary commando soldier, you know, hired gun, but unwisely chose the Salvation Army as my outfit. I never got to kill anybody, and I've got tinnitus in my right ear from the bell now.