Oh Death Where is Your Sting?

I was recently having a discussion with my husband about passing away and what death means to him. “Are you scared of dying,” was the question I posed to him, and he said, “no…I mean I don’t want to leave you or our kids, but does dying scare me? No not really.” I gave him the most perplexed look, as he continued to work on the trucks in the driveway.

Great place for a serious conversation about dying is in the driveway, right?

He didn’t ask me the question back, which I can only assume is because my grandmother passed away just two days prior. I hadn’t yet allowed myself to mourn, but surely in the middle of the driveway is not where he wanted to have to peel me up off the pavement.

Then came my next question: “where do you think I’m going when I pass away?” He looked at me with a smile on his face and said, “Jesus’s house.” Again, trying to make somewhat light of the situation while making me smile.

The thought of going to heaven to be with Jesus should bring us peace. But the reality is losing my grandmother has brought me to my knees. Waves of crying fits have consumed my days. Emotional roller coasters that I have never experienced before have now become normal. All my poor husband can do is hold me as I weep and wail and lash out at God asking, “Why her, why now?” Fortunately I know God is bigger than my anger, bigger than my confusion, and bigger then anything I can hurl his way.

A message I remember from our church speaks about God being bigger than us being angry at him.

Never in my life can I remember telling God that I was mad at Him until this day. In all of my years of being a Christian, or any of my years being unsaved, I’ve never told God I was mad at him. And when the words left my lips, I felt like a traitor. I know deep down in my heart that my grandmother is in a better place, but at the surface, I wanted more time, I wanted God to take someone else, I wanted this pain to go away.

Then I heard a voice from heaven say, “Write this: Blessed are the dead who die in the Lord from now on.” “Yes,” says the Spirit, “they will rest from their labor, for their deeds will follow them.” Revelation 14:13 NIV

Going to heaven, having no more worries, no more pain, with no real world troubles…we should long for the day we get to spend eternity with our Heavenly Father. But the truth is, it’s scary, if I can be honest. In the immediate space of my brain, I was not thinking of death eternal or of the peace my grandmother now felt. All I could think about and feel was the pain of this world when I should have been consumed with eternal hope.

Mourning is not pleasant, but it is a part of life.

Can I just be honest and say I am the ugliest crier. Man, oh man… I have the worst crying facing, I lose my breath, I can’t see 1 foot in front of me. I can’t even get English words out of my mouth. It’s the worst ever. That’s why I don’t do it often. I’m practically inconsolable.

“Jesus said…, “I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; and whoever lives by believing in me will never die. Do you believe this?”” John‬ ‭11:25-26‬ ‭NIV

Your community will always be your most valuable asset in this thing called life.

If there is one thing I learn during times of struggle, pain, and suffering it’s that my community of friends are my greatest asset. Use them, not just for the good times, but also for the times when you don’t even realize you need support. That’s what friends are for, and without their prayers, love, encouragement, and faith when mine was gone, I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t be where I am today.

A few things to remember when you are grieving a loved one:

Allow yourself to feel the pain no matter how much it hurts, or how ugly it is.

Remember all of the great wisdom you received from the one you lost

Spend time with your family and talking about wonderful memories

Take care of yourself, and acknowledge when you need support

Help other family members because helping others often relieves some of your own pain

Losing someone doesn’t mean you lose yourself.

My prayer for anyone who is going through the death of a loved one right now or still mourning the loss of someone close is to take a look at the things I listed above. If you don’t currently have a community, I would love to hear from you, and we can help each other. May God continue to move in your life. Move in your life and show you the lovely memories you have. The memories of the one you lost. To remind you that they are not lost, they have found their heavenly Father. Finding their heavenly Father is the greatest reward we could ever ask for. God is so proud of you and the way you are processing the pain. Your healing is coming soon, and the weight will be lifted soon. Your breakthrough is just around the corner, reach out and grab it.

Tonight as I lay here with nothing else on my mind, I miss my grandmother.

With tears in my eyes all I can think of is my grandmother. Full of wisdom yet full of grace and forgiveness, her heart was so pure. She always wanted to make sure that I knew that I was included in everything in every part of her life.

Tonight as I lay here with nothing else on my mind, I miss my grandmother.

With tears in my eyes all I can do is think of all the memories we shared. She was always happy about life and thankful to God for living all of the years that she lived. She never had a day where she wasn’t thankful. Always reminding me to say my prayers and telling me that she loved me and Obadiah.

She loved his name because his name is in the Bible. And she was so happy that I finally found the true love of my life even though it took me two rounds to find him. She said, “being happy, baby, is all that matters. Don’t listen to what other people have to say. They aren’t the ones living your life.”

Tonight as I lay here with nothing else on my mind, I miss my grandmother.

With tears in my eyes all I could think of is how I would give anything, anything to hear her voice one last time. I will forever keep the voicemails I have on my phone that she left me.

Tonight as I lay here with nothing else on my mind, I miss my grandmother.

She always told me to take care of Ernest Anthony because I’m the only one he minds. To make sure he had fun every now and then. No worries grandma, I got that covered. And to make sure Stella took care of herself because they both need me. Right about now, I need them.

I’ll never forget anything you told me, I hold it all near and dear to my heart. Your death wasn’t in vain.

I would rather stand with God and be judged by the world, than to stand with the world and be judged by God.
My mission in life is to help others see their full potential and help people maximize their talents.

“But I do not want you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning those who have fallen asleep, lest you sorrow as others who have no hope. 14 For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so God will bring with Him those who [b]sleep in Jesus. 15 For this we say to you by the word of the Lord, that we who are alive and remain until the coming of the Lord will by no means precede those who are [c]asleep. 16 For the Lord Himself will descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of an archangel, and with the trumpet of God. And the dead in Christ will rise first. 17 Then we who are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And thus we shall always be with the Lord. 18 Therefore comfort one another with these words…1 Thessalonians 4:13-18

What a great verse to share. Our loved ones and even one day, ourselves, will go to be with our heavenly father and that should be rejoiced. I can’t wait to meet my grandmother in the clouds with our Lord. Thank you for sharing this