Using A Vibrator Has Made Me Feel Sexually Empowered, Free To Enjoy My Body

Using a vibrator has taken me to heights of sexual pleasure, and empowered me sexually, freeing me to own the sensual pleasures of my own body.

Eight years ago, my husband bought me a vibrator. While wandering about in Europe, he hopped into an adult-toy store where after perusing through all the imaginative and wild inventions meant to knock one’s socks (among other things) off in the bedroom, he settled on a plastic, pink, motored penis for me.

Although Samantha from ‘Sex and the City’ had inspired me enough to someday get my own little pleasure ‘rabbit’ , it felt surreal holding it the first time. The casing was clear enough to see all the wiring and batteries and there were two rubber protrusions meant for simultaneous clitoral stimulation (which would be the source of many ‘OHMYGOD!’s).

It was strange getting such a gift from him. I thought about our sex life and my own sense of sexuality. Had we already reached a point of physical lassitude with each other that we needed external stimulation? Wouldn’t I be a hypocrite if I used a vibrator to pleasure myself when I got annoyed with him for getting off on porn? Was it pathetic to depend on a battery-powered contraption for my orgasms? And what if I became too accustomed to masturbating with it and stopped yearning for intercourse?

For a long time, I used it only when we were in bed together as part of foreplay. I was nervous about experimenting with it on my own. It was only a couple of months later when he had to travel again that I decided to go solo. I mustered the courage to curl up under the sheets, let my mind wander and flicked the switch.

And then… Aah… Magic!

One of the first books that intrigued me about the emotional complexity of sex and orgasms was Paulo Coelho’s “Eleven Minutes“. Reading Maria’s journey of self-discovery through her uninhibited desire for physical and spiritual satiation turned my insides to jelly. “Eleven Minutes” taught me the difference between clitoral and vaginal orgasms and how you had to learn to desire yourself first before channeling it towards someone you loved.

Using a vibrator was a big step towards helping me discover new depths to climaxing. Once the guilt of enjoying it so much wore off, I learnt how to control my pleasure and make it last like a dazzling, implosive echo within me. The masturbation process itself changed. Where once I’d use my fingers to relieve the physical tension quickly, now I played with myself slowly, taunting my body into earning its epiphany.

With all those gazillion nerve-endings snaking down there permitting multiple orgasms, it’s no wonder that the gratification process is more complicated for women than men. It’s like we were given this incredible gift which takes forever to peel off the wrapping paper from! This is where I feel that using sex toys can really help us unclog mental blocks; there’s no stress to ensure our partner’s pleasure and we can focus on ourselves. Yes, I know this sounds selfish but trust me, that clit-tickler is such a delight that you’ll forget “he” is not around!

Of course a machine can never replace a man’s touch (or tongue!). Apart from the occasional lukewarm encounters and draughts experienced thanks to distance, cold wars or general exhaustion, we do have some pretty amazing sex. And before you think, “Damn, she’s so lucky!”, let me tell you that it’s taken a decade for us to get to this stage. From going through “can’t keep my hands off you” premarital sex to hitting rock-bottom in the intimacy ocean after having a child together, we’ve had our fair share of struggles in the bedroom. Now I can safely say that our sex-life has evolved into a comfortable, rapturous and honest one and a lot of the credit goes to the considerate yet kinky fellow I married.

There’s a reason I’m pulling all the stops and baring these somewhat explicit details and it is to tell you this – Seeking alternative ways to find ecstasy on your own does not mean you are not sexually satisfied with your partner. This may sound obvious, but when I look back at the pangs of shame that came reflexively when I enjoyed my body without my husband, I’ve realized how problematic it is that we don’t truly feel entitled to physical pleasure.

That being said, I’m also grateful for the times we’re living in where there’s an entire industry devoting itself to creating products that satisfy our libidos. It’s also heartening to see the rise of platforms (Lovetreats, Iambesharam,) selling safe adult toys online in India. There’s variety, discreet packaging and even amazing customer support that plays a vital role in understanding your needs to help you pick the right product.

Whether you want to try out some edible chocolate with your partner or invest in a good vibrator or go for both – remember that it’s your choice. Life is too short to be shy about what you want for your body!

I’ve had my eye on a crystal-shaped clitoral vibrator for a while. Its features sound sufficient enough to send me to the moon and back.

So what say sexy ladies, shall we grab that spaceship and fly?

UNCENSORED is a new Women’s Web handle that lets you share frank, uninhibited notes about sex – a topic that there is far too little honest discussion of in India, especially from the female perspective. Have something to say? Send us your piece at community@womensweb.in and we’ll make sure you stay anonymous if you want to.

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