He Said/She Said: First Date Sex

[He Said/She Said is a new series designed to help all our wonderfully confused readers figure out what he’s really thinking. So every week we’ll be throwing out a topic for debate…and unlike our fave dude, these guys won’t be sugar coating anything for you. But before you jump into their heads (which seriously will make you feel like you need to shower), check out what we think!]

Call me old fashioned and/or a prude (though my entire wardrobe is far from that of a convent) but I don’t really understand the whole “sex on the first date” thing.

Your mother said it, your mother’s mother said it and the mother of the guy you’re on a date with probably said it, but just in case, let me refresh your memory – “Why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free?”

It’s simple. Dating is a chase. Some chase love; others chase sex. And since you don’t fall in love with every guy you date, sometimes the chase for sex wins by default.

But when the chase is over, lines are easily blurred as you spiral into uncharted territory. After the first-date hookup with a guy you really like, you get to ask yourself all those fun questions – “What now?”, “Is he going to call?”, “Should I text him?”, “Is he even interested in hanging out again?”, “Am I just a go-to booty call now?” and my own personal favorite, “If we do go out again, will he expect me to give it up every time he buys me dinner?”

I know, I know, most people will mistake my instant overflow of questions as insecurity. But insecurity and confusion are two completely separate things. I just like to know where I stand and I’d prefer that that stance not be in my date’s little black book.

If I really liked the guy and the date was amazing, I’m a believer in always leaving him wanting more. And let’s be real ladies, the longer you leave him wanting more, the more time you have to figure out if you even really want him at all. So instead of rushing into a hookup that you could regret, you can buy some time to figure out if hooking up is something you know you’ll regret.

So when is a post-first date rendezvous appropriate? When your physical attraction to your date outweighs the potential you see for a relationship with him. First date sex works best when you don’t have intentions of having a second date with the guy. If you end up being wrong about your date and continue dating and developing deeper feelings for him after your hookup then consider it a bonus.

After all, choosing a first date outfit is hard enough as it is and the last thing I want is to have to look over and see each of my carefully picked items and accessories stranded on his dirty floor an hour later.