Tuesday, January 22, 2008

I'm not in a relationship, but I would like to be...

Now, for those of you who are not in a relationship, and want to be in one, I will share some ideas about that today.It has been said that like attracts like, or that we draw into our lives the things that we focus on.So if you want to attract an emotionally healthy individual, work on your own emotional health.If you want to attract someone who is wealthy, work on your own wealth consciousness.

What I have experienced in my own relationships in the past is that I could not attract a healthy relationship into my life because I was unable to trust another individual to the degree necessary to be in a committed relationship.As a result, I kept choosing people who were somehow unavailable to me.In other words, they were not really able to commit to me either, so it was perfect, but not really.A part of me really did want to be in a relationship.

The early years of dating and testing out different relationships for many are a process of pairing away what it is we don't want, to get to what we do want.We search and search for that perfect person-over and over again.Finally we realize that:

1.No perfect person exists

2.We have been creating the same relationship over and over again with different partners.

3.We must begin to look at ourselves

4.We must decide what is enough?

5.What is the bottom line?What can I live with, what can I not live without?

6.We must be open to changing and expanding our beliefs about what we need verses what we want.

The truth is that you begin each relationship where you left off with the last one, so if you're unconsciously doing the same behaviors over and over again, you will continue to recreate the same dynamics in the relationship, over and over again.You will choose essentially the same person in a different body. The goal is to go as far as you can in your own personal growth with each partner.

Before you leave a relationship, you must be clear about your part.You must learn what attracted you to that person initially and why?Then you must discover if it mattered as much after you got it.Usually the thing that most attracts you to a person will be your biggest challenge.If there are problems, you must discover your part, own it, and try to resolve it to the best of your ability.Before you can leave, you must know why you are leaving, what your part is and that you gave it your best shot to explore all the avenues of working things out.

When you know you can walk away clean, knowing your part, then you are less likely to engage in the same relationship over and over again.You can begin anew, with a different person, further along in the process, closer to your healthy relationship.