Thursday, April 30, 2009

--for the love, patience, and grace given unconditionally daily by the He/She--for the love, patience, and understanding i give myself daily...just not always unconditionally--for knowing when to speak up and when to remain quiet--for talks because we have come a long way--for possibilities--for you reaching out to me, and me being there to catch you--for best girlfriends and guyfriends...and getting it right this time--for getting to know me just a lil' bit more--for my kids and spring missing me--for keeping it real between us--for roses, partner in crime, and crawfish boils...im still grinning--for the smile you put on my face daily...you make me giggle ms lady--for hard talks with you, but necessary and we got through it --for you not being my "it", but not settling and taking someone else's opportunity for you to be their "it"...enjoyed our time--for loving these 40's..it will get even better--for peace within self

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

he teaches me well how to hate him, and loves me more for ithe teaches me well how to love him, and hates me more for it--------------------------------------------i can mindfuck you to satisfactionwith each flick of my tongueusing my metaphors as dreamy pillowsand my similes to keep you warm--------------------------------------------i gave you the name Morgan Michellebecause a piece of me died with youbefore you could take one single breath

one hand a tight fist, the other 5 lil fingers spread openas if holding on and letting go simultaneouslyto the umbilical cord that binded us both no longer--------------------------------------------this is me...deal with it!--------------------------------------------my stomach bloats from all the bones i had to swallowclosets were overflowingand the walls were beginning to talk back---------------------------------------------i see himstrugglingeverydaytrying to become the manhis father never wastryingto become the manhis mother birthed him to bebut his instruction book disintegrated at the age of 15the exact moment she took her last breathherunning through the streets so fasttrying to go back to the moments beforebefore cancer no longer dined on her bodybefore the children said "where's mommy?"his efforts proved futilestillhe has been searching for his best friend ever sincein every laughin every tearin every memory burned into his cortexlike panoramic viewsGod can be cruel sometimes to a teenage boy.

Monday, April 20, 2009

...lose yourself in dreamy days. close your eyes and turn off the rooftop chatter and let your thoughts wander with the ease of a feather floating on a warm summer breeze. wonder as you wander. muse away the afternoon awash in fantasy. go in and out of this and that and nothing in particular. follow a bumblebee into the heart of a blossom and see where it takes you. imagine your own trip to Wonderland, your journey to the deepest center of Inner Earth, your flight on angel wings. climb onto the soft and silky back of a unicorn and be carried far away to that unknown place where rainbows live between the rains. call your uses to your side. let them hold your hands and whisper words in your ears and breathe into your being the sweet, holy breath of inspiration.--from Rachel Snyder's 365 Words of Well-Being For Women

Thursday, April 16, 2009

--for evening and morning "thank you's" for my life and all who are in it...guide my feet--for my 3 and their laughter...incredible watching them grow--for an incredible birthday present...i mean just yummy...can i have some more?--for a much needed retreat...everything from thumb antics to bowling strikes with interest--for reconnections...we been waiting a long time huh?--for soldier's safe homecoming--for butterflies and bees in springtime --for seeing the most beautiful man i have ever seen...seriously had me talking outloud...Dhani Jones...my goodness thank you for creating HIM!--for conference IM's that make you almost pee in your pants with laughter--for vanilla ice cream with sliced fresh strawberries...so simple/so yummy--for the gift of new glass pipes...thank you, will be put to good use i promise--for feeling vulnerable and safe--for baby pics and reminiscing--for seeing the growth of a woman poet, i know will be a name of record, and one i call friend--for seeing you slam again...you were toooo dang cute--for apologies after heated arguments...growth--for Paper Bear--for knowing, or at least trying to know, when to let go and when to hold on--for seeing and reading how you are stripping away the layers...i got you sis--for hands in my hair--for the power in the simplicity of a kind word--for understanding of self...just a lil bit odd--for lakeside kungfu movies in the making--for simply complicated moments--for the reason i love the color mauve--for forgiving officers--for opening up just a bit more to the possibilities of "I"

Thursday, April 09, 2009

1. i still search for God in all its forms, for there is not just one way nor one true/right religion...i try to wrap myself in He/She daily2. my beautiful children, has been a learning experience...can't believe they are almost adults now...i think i did okay. 3. my male best friend who has been by my side pretty much my entire adult life. my rock, my foundation...what does life have in store for us now?4. the relationship with my girl most don't get...you know what?...we don't care, 'cause we understand one another...even have our own language lol5. i know how far i have come, despite what i have been through...if you truly knew my story...6. loving this skin i am in finally, because i never use to7. nobody has to tell me i am a good person or that i am one helluva woman...i know8. i have loved, in one way or another, some amazing people...each one teaching me a lil bit more about me...no room for regrets9. i am a pretty creative person when i just let go10. poetry..so much to say to you, for you turned my life upside down and recreated me11. found my voice May 2004...and i ain't shutup yet12. i am starting to see my mother for the woman she needs me to see, a lil' more each day...i'm at least trying13. it hurts like hell peeling away the layers, but necessary to find the authenticity of I14. i still get severe stage fright everytime i hit the mic, breathing and prayer works wonders15. i am quite aware of the power of this voice of mine, just hope folks truly hear me16. this heart of mine is worn out, from giving it away so much...but hey, i keep pretty ribbons, thread, stickers, bandages, glitter, and glue to keep it together17. i see things in other realms...really i do18. i am odd and quirky, but i love that fact about myself19. i am an Aries strong...and i do use my horns20. i have a split personality, i joke about it, but its true21. i am stronger than i give my self credit for22. i still struggle with the negative talk, which has caused me to miss out on many opportunities23. my insatiable sexual appetite (as sc once called it) gets me in trouble sometimes...ah but makes for great memories lol...don't judge...sexuality can be freeing...just keep it safe24. my cooking skills will keep you satisfied...love the comfort foods25. i got so much to do and still so much to own up to...pray for me26. my grandmother was/still is one of the most important influences in/on my life...she was a trailblazer27. i carry a lot of guilt i wasn't around as much in her last years28. i enjoy making others feel good...whatever and however that may be...brings me satisfaction29. i have a fetish for cherry cobbler and chocolate...no not together lol30. my family is very important to me, somewhat quite traditional in that matter31. i really love being me32. all i want is "that kinda love"...such a hopeless romantic i am33. you & i have been to hell and back, so this view from here is quite nice lately...you my dear have taught me so much about myself in a weird kinda way, may not talk on the phone much or hang out...but i know you got me, and i got you...even in our separate lanes lol34. i am not living up to my potential...very aware of this35. i hold onto people much longer than what their season is suppose to be36. there is a specific reason(s) i am here, and i think it has to do with healing in someway through words...praying to find it soon37. the older i get, the less time i have for bs and the people who speak it...next!38. i have to be very careful about who i let in my space, believe the fact they can leave their essence on you, whether neg or pos. and not everyone has the best intentions39. i have got to stop trying to heal the men in my life...especially if they don't want it or too afraid to want it...but i'm still here for them...just got to figure out how to separate the two40. meditation and prayer are necessary41. damn...i...am...41...years...old....now what?