Today makes it 3 years since i have I lost my boyfriend and soulmate of 4 years, we were really close. He died in a tragic accident when he got hit by a speeding cop car and suddenly died that night right before I was going to pick him up. I was 18 at the time it happened and now I'm 21. Ever since the accident my whole life has change and I had to learn to cope with the pain and reality of the situation and i still think about him and miss him often. Even thou I have improved and I have a boyfriend now, I always have him in the back of my mind and heart and I wish that I had him back especailly when I'm feeling down or when I fight with my boyfriend. It makes me sad but I feel that I would never be able to feel love like I felt it with Rob again. Maybe not, and i understand because he was the first love of my life. But Now I'm just wondering if I' am healing or not because I keep on comparing my new relationship with the old one and wishing I was still with him. It would be nice to read about someone else's story similar to mines. Thanks

I know how u feel, i lost my boyfriend last christmas, his name was josh and he was in the United States Navy and came to Bahrain where i live. He passed away in an accident whilst doing a routine patrol in his boat, he was only 19 and Im 17.. he was the my first love and the love of my life and its coming to his first death anniversary i guess, ive tried to move on but it doesn't feel right. I think love is unique with everybody and i know ill never love anyone like josh, but thats cuz our love was special and maybe one day ill find someone to love, and it'll prolly definatley be different. I know what you mean about the comparisons, I've done it a lot, but i think thats part of the process, Im sure ur boyfriend would want you to be happy and still remember him, which is tough, but it sounds like ur coping with it.. ur very strong and I have to be honest ur story here has given me some hope.. i hope that everything works out for you, and i am so sorry for your loss

thanks for your reply. Your definately right about every love relation ship being special, because every relationship is truely unique and a different experience that only you yourself knows. Before, it was very hard for me to even imagine to feel love again especailly like the one i had, but now I can say that i am very sad it is over but I am so greatful that i got to share that true love with him and i know it is possible to love again. Forunately, my boyfriend now cares about me and want me to be happy. He has been very supportive about Rob and the whole situation. I know that it will never be the same but i am learning to cope with it, like you said it must be part of the process. I am also sorry about your lost it is hard to move on especailly when u miss him but i know he would want you to be happy and want what is best for you, dont worry what doesnt kill you makes you stronger and you sound like strong person. When ever the time is right and when you least expect it you will be in love again and it will be a whole new amazing experience. I wish you the best. Good luck.

Saw this post and it struck a cord with me. March 6th 2007 I lost my first love. He was 1 month and a day away from turning 30. He was the first long term relationship I had ever had. We were together a little over a year and a half. He was an amazing person but had suffered through sexual abuse at a very young age by his own father. He felt comfortable enough to open up to me about it...I listened and did what I could to reassure him it wasn't his fault but in the end of things...he needed professional help that he had never received. His family was in denial (and still remain in denial) and he felt that I was the only one he could talk to about it. As time passed the issues he had with his childhood started affecting our relationship so I asked him to please seek some sort of professional therapy. So he went to the doctor (who turned out to be a quick decision quack) and was prescribed Xanax immediately. I didn't agree that he needed pills, I just wanted him to talk to someone. A few weeks after he began his meds I noticed mood swings he never had otherwise. I addressed it with him. Then I guess he had mixed feelings on his meds. I noticed him taking them one day and not the next, which really screws up your mind (as if he didn't have enough issues beforehand). I begged and pleaded with him to commit one way or the other with the medication. February 28th we both went out to dinner with my family to celebrate my dads birthday. Soon after we sat down he began to feel sick and was vomiting uncontrollably on and off throughout the night. He went home to rest. I thought it might be his body reacting to the on and off again xanax use. The next morning when we woke up...out of the blue he decided that we needed to break up but couldn't give me a definitive answer as to why (I don't know if it was because of the medication messing with his head that he decided to break up or what, it just didn't make sense) 4 days later he was found dead in his apartment. He had overdosed on morphine and methadone. This came as an extreme shock to me. I had never known him to have a drug problem of any sort and we were together for almost 2 years. If this was an addiction why didn't I know about it sooner? We were always together. At that point, I didn't know what to do. My whole world came crashing down. I wasn't even over the break-up yet. So my first thought was...was it my fault? Maybe i shouldn't have addressed his abuse issues. Did he do this on purpose? Was it an accident? I just didn't understand. And to make things worse his family and friends blamed me throughout the entire process. It wasn't until months afterwards that his family and friends apologized for it all. They just wanted to blame anyone but him it seemed and I was the perfect target because we had just split up. Even tho to me it felt as if we were still together. To this very day I feel the guilt. In the 4 days we were split, I felt as if something was wrong. I received a text message that read "no matter what happens I'll always love you." At that point I wanted to go to his house to check and see if he was ok, but friends and family talked me out of it because they said it would just make our breakup harder on me. I regret not going over there because maybe I could have saved him. Not only do i feel horrible about the abuse he endured (even tho i know it wasn't my fault) I feel terrible about asking him to seek help for it (although he desperately needed it), and I feel guilty that I didn't go with my gut and go check on him. If I had things may have been different. Every night I dream about him. I think about him constantly. The "what if's" never cease. I've attempted to have 2 relationships since then...each one ending for one reason or another. I can't help but think that I'll never find another love like the one a shared with Brandon. I too find myself comparing others I date to him. He's ALWAYS in the back of my mind. I know its not right but I can't help it. I still have pictures of him around. I can't bring myself to take them down. I have so many questions but know that there is no one that can answer them for me but him. I just don't know how to move on and its been almost 2 years since he passed. My life will never be the same without him and I just don't know what to do in order to move on. I just want him back but I know that can't happen...so the question is...what happens now? How do I go on? I've been asking that question to myself for 2 years now and I still haven't found an answer I'm happy with. I will say that it is comforting to know that I'm not the only one that shares those feelings. Thank you for posting your stories, it really does help to talk to someone that can identify with your situation. I wish you all the best and may the years to come be better than they have been in the past. Thanks.

Wow I'm so sorry about your situation. I know it is so hard and confusing believe me. Last night I couldn't stop thinking about Rob and missing him and hurting all over again, I found myself asking the same questions again, "what if" and i keep on wishing more than ever that i had him back and that i could go back in time at least for a little while. I found that whenever i miss him i just talk to him and it gives me a sense of comfort because no matter what he will always be watching over me. At least the thought gives me some sort of comfort and i reminisce on the good times we shared. Although i must say, I feel like our relationship was so perfect that i will never be loved and feel love like him again, but i just remind myself that what we had was special and one of a kind he was my first love and no other person can compare so i have to accept it and try although its hard to keep moving forward and continue this new life with my boyfriend now, remember every relationship is different and unique in it's own way, it's a whole new experience give it a try when u r ready. Good Luck jchrisp23.

Hello,I was only 16 years old when i lost my boyfriend to a tragic car accident after he fell asleep at the wheel. We had been dating for a wonderful year and a half. I am now 19 almost 20 years old and I have been in and out of short relationships between the ages of 17 and 19. I found myself comparing other guys to the man i had lost and it didnt seem fair to me or them to keep doing that. Recently, in June, call me crazy but i had started dating the man i had lost's best friend. It seems like he is the only one who quite understands me and what i have gone threw because we had gone threw it together. It seems very right to be with him, but i also wish I had my Justin back.