Okay, uh, title says it.We have a "happy things" thread, and that's awesome and full of happiness and sunshine and love and heartwarms, but this is gonna be strictly funny. Funny videos, funny anecdotes, funny songs, etc.

I'm all for free speech, but I also like civility, so if you think a joke may strike someone as racist/sexist/whateverist, put a warning, please.

For example:

Example wrote:This joke is a little sexist to men, so skip this post if you don't want to see it.

[sexist joke goes here]

That way, we can all have our funnies without wanting to punch each other.

Lemme start us off with this little song about how gay people are ruining everything.

Last edited by Valerie on Fri Jun 15, 2012 8:02 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Lia S wrote:Valerie is right.

As usual.

TCampbell wrote:Val has a harem, but it's chiefly structured online at the moment.

This is a song to celebrate banks,Because they are full of money and you go into them and allyou hear is clinks and clanks,Or maybe a sound like the wind in the trees on the hills,Which is the rustling of the thousand dollar bills.Most bankers dwell in marble halls,Which they get to dwell in because they encourage depositsand discourage withdrawals,And particularly because they all observe one rule which woebetides the banker who fails to heed it,Which is you must never lend any money to anybody unlessthey don't need it.I know you, you cautious conservative banks!If people are worried about their rent it is your duty to denythem the loan of one nickel, yes, even one copper engravingof the martyred son of the late Nancy Hanks;Yes, if they request fifty dollars to pay for a baby you mustlook at them like Tarzan looking at an uppity ape in thejungle,And tell them what do they think a bank is, anyhow, they hadbetter go get the money from their wife's aunt or ungle.But suppose people come in and they have a million and theywant another million to pile on top of it,Why, you brim with the milk of human kindness and youurge them to accept every drop of it,And you lend them the million so then they have two millionand this gives them the idea that they would be better offwith four,So they already have two million as security so you have nohesitation in lending them two more,And all the vice-presidents nod their heads in rhythm,And the only question asked is do the borrowers want themoney sent or do they want to take it withm.Because I think they deserve our appreciation and thanks,the jackasses who go around saying that health and happi-ness are everything and money isn't essential,Because as soon as they have to borrow some unimportantmoney to maintain their health and happiness they starveto death so they can't go around any more sneering at goodold money, which is nothing short of providential.

Rebhel wrote:I happen to like Lisa BECAUSE of the way she speaks. If you don't get her, oh well... you are the one missing out.

Valerie wrote:Related (oh God, I'm already derailing?), I found this article, and it prompted a conversation in the chat in which we all discussed what funny names genitals were called when we were kids.

The names that we have used for "vagina" include:- Cookie cat- Tinkler- Kookoo- Monkey

A friend and I once wrote an AU world where our older adult characters were all preteens and genderswapped. We established that preteen!boy!One and preteen!boy!Mia used euphemisms for penises as their greetings.

Also, so that I don't come in empty-handed, have an amusing conversation with my (British) Am-Lit professor from a while back.

Val: *sees that her incredibly practical father has a 24-pack of bottled water in the back of his truck* Why do you have bottled water?Dad: Because I bought bottled water.Val: You know that comes out of your sink, right?Dad: I like how bottled water tastes.Val: Did you pick up a box of air while you were at the store, too?Dad: ...Yup, you're my daughter.

As a side note, I don't really mind people buying bottled water all that much (though I don't buy it myself), but this is the same man who wouldn't let me put tape around the borders of the walls when we painted my bedroom. He's very "essentials only."

Lia S wrote:Valerie is right.

As usual.

TCampbell wrote:Val has a harem, but it's chiefly structured online at the moment.

A Jew steps inside a synagogue, crying his eyes out."God, it's terrible!" he cries out. "My son has converted to Christianity!"God replies, "You're telling me?! Mine pulled the exact same stunt!""That's awful! What did you do?""I disowned him and wrote a new testament!"

Combine two things that seem like opposites into something that makes sense in an odd way, and you may get something funny. I don't know if the following will make anyone else laugh, but it's worth a try.