*Just kidding. The candidates’ shortsighted policies on this 50-year-old conflict mean a pivotal global problem will only get worse under the next president

In 2017, several months after the United States swears in a new president, the Israeli occupation of Palestinian lands will turn 50 years old. Some birthdays ought not to be celebrated, however. Through its occupation, Israel continues to colonize territory in the West Bank and further entrench its military rule, with no sign of it ending. American politicians may not want to face this reality, but the situation is dire, leading Jay Michaelson of The Forward to write: “As a temporary policy, the occupation is unjust. As a permanent one, it is apartheid.”

Luckily, both Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton have good, workable solutions to this most intractable of problems. Just kidding. Although the entire world knows that a durable resolution to the conflict is imperative, not in the interests of justice but also in the pursuit of peace in the region, the American presidential candidates have about as much to offer peace in the Middle East as New Coke and Crystal Pepsi offered to the future of carbonated beverages.