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The new year has just begun and I’m anxious. I’m anxious about the future. This year I wanted to start for a gender therapist in order to accompany me on my journey. But, what if I’m not allowed to transition? What if they say, that due to my medical history and my tumour disease I can’t? What if they tell me that surgeries are too dangerous for me? Would I be able to live my life as a man in the current body? I don’t know. I’m not sure. I’d still be able to change my name and sex legally on paper, and I’d still be able to dress in men’s clothing. But people, stranger, would still read me as a female. I don’t believe that I could stand it.