One day, we will honestly say, 'we made it'

Okay, so there isn’t that much that I don’t know when it comes to my thoughts and Mr Black (read my previous blogs if you don’t know who that little bastard is) but I recently went to my support group, I think apart from the guy who set it up I’m the longest returning member. Even when I’m feeling great I still pop along to the sessions because, well, why the hell not? Plus it’s good to see someone who is doing well; it shows that there’s light at the end of the tunnel.

(below is a typical support group meeting)

Anyway while I was there, a newbie came to the group for the first time, she was lovely and did the usual thing (you know, you say your name and introduce yourself like you’re at a stereotypical Alcohol Anonymous meeting) she told us a little about her type of OCD and then she said something that made me think. She said she had a type of confessional OCD. She spoke about some of the things that she has to tell people in order for her anxiety to reduce.

I CAN RELATE

Ever since I can remember I have always been ridiculously honest, to the point where I feel awful if I think horrible things about someone or if I have told a white lie to help a surprise or if I’ve accidentally looked at another guys crotch. Then out of nowhere I start the sweating, I start to feel sick and my head is going 10000 mph and then from the shadows I hear “MR BLACK IS HEEEERRRRREEEEEEE’ then

BLERGHHHHHH

I have to go and speak to the person I vented about and tell them what I thought, or I ruin the surprise because I tell them the secret or I tell my boyfriend I looked at another man’s crotch.. It’s almost like if I don’t tell people what I’m thinking then I’m betraying them. I’m lying, I’m a cheat. I confess absolutely everything to my boyfriend, some of my thoughts can be really really mean.

It’s word vomit.

Kind of like I’m a magician, you know the ones which pull all of the hankies out of their mouth, except instead of hankies, imagine insults, really mean insults about the people you love and then you hand that hankie to the person you have insulted and say

‘Good day Sir, enjoy my insults’

I’m lucky I have people close to me who understand that living with OCD isn’t a dream. There are no perks to having OCD, having to wash your hands doesn’t mean its good because you’re constantly clean. Having intrusive thoughts isn’t a plus because it makes you an honest person. Having to turn off the electric every night before you sleep doesn’t mean that you’re being safe.

GUYS this is our lives, there are NO perks to OCD. We just have to keep fighting the little bastards so they don’t take over our lives.

So the point of this blog….. it’s not to just get something off my chest (well maybe it is….that’s the point of some blogs) it’s to tell you that OCD takes many forms, like a shape shifter….like Miss McGonagall in Harry Potter when she turns into a cat. OCD can morph into all sorts and confessional OCD is just one of them.

If you feel yourself suffering with confessional OCD or as I like to call It word vomit, you’re not alone, we are all here for each other. One of the greatest things about OCD (I know I said no perks, but this isn’t really a perk, it’s more of a statement) is the support. The people who know you the best are your loved ones, but the people who UNDERSTAND the most are the warriors who fight OCD, they come in the form of a sufferer or a loved one standing tall besides you. The support that we give to one another is IN-FUCKING-CREDIBLE!!

WE SHOULD BE SO PROUD

So until next time remember – “The higher you get, the lower you sink”

x

I know I haven’t wrote to you guys as much as I should do, but recently I’ve felt awesome and life has just taken me on a wonderful ride, so I’ve lived a bit – this is unlike me to be honest.

I have an annoying sense of urgency surrounding time. I always feel like I have to do so much in so little time. I don’t like just sitting around and doing nothing, I always want to fill my time with something, thing is though, we forget that sometimes we need to recharge. We need to change the batteries and leave a bit of time for ourselves and when I don’t, well….my body just starts to shut down a little. I don’t have energy to do anything and my mind then starts to go on overdrive.

Okay, I have gone a bit off-piste with what I actually wanted to write about but I think it’s something I need to work on. Time is just something someone came up with, it’s set in stone because we made it that way, I think I just need to chill out a little and realise life is not time.

So what I actually wanted to write about, well Mr Black (my OCD) has decided to kick off recently about things that happened around 10-12 years ago, things that happened when I was a kid.

When we are young we do crazy things, we experiment, our hormones are all over the place and we just do things that help us find out more about ourselves as a person.

Well, when I was a kid I did some crazy things that normal kids do, things that we learn from, things that we take with us on our journey throughout life. Like I said, hormones are everywhere and we think we can run before we can walk. My problem is that all of the things i worry about when i was a child are actually just part of growing up. They do involve our hormones, they do involve arguments, they involve experimenting and actually we are (in reality) finding out about what makes us ‘us’.

Thing is some of the silly, wonderful and crazy things I did as an adolescent don’t seem to leave my mind, I get really hung up on the past and can’t seem to get my head around the fact that I was young. I’ve asked my friends and family their opinions about the things that I worry about and they laugh and just say ‘dude, you were a kid….that’s hilarious’ and this is when Mr Black gets involved and decides to constantly make me feel like I’m the worst person on the planet.

The whole reason for me writing this blog is to make a pact with myself and you guys, it’s time to let go…. Let go of holding onto silly NORMAL things we do when we are growing up. It’s going to be super hard but it’s something i NEED to do, i need to stop worrying about things that are just part of life.

So after dwelling over it for the last 12 years from today I am going to forgive myself……I’m gonna think ‘FUCK IT’ I was a kid and you know what….kids do crazy things when they are young – IT’S ALL PART OF GROWING UP. Mr Black can tell me all sorts but I have asked my friends, family and even the doctors and they just chuckled and told me it’s normal…YOU WERE A KID.

Soooo I think it’s time that I let go….let go of the past and move forward. Yup I may have a few days where I will start to worry but I need to let it all go for the sake of my future!!

Anyone else fancy making this pact with me??

So, until next time tell yourself:

“Keep going. Each step may get harder, but don’t stop. The view at the top is beautiful”

This year I’m giving something back, I am running the Cheltenham Half Marathon in September and all money raised will go towards a Sensory Circus Christmas Treat for the children at Alderman Knight Special School, Tewkesbury.

I’m very lucky to be a healthy 26 year old so why not use my health to do something good, I would love to send the Travelling Light Circus over to the school at Christmas and make it a Christmas to remember.

Every year we celebrate Christmas with our families and friends and sometimes take for granted what we currently have. The world is a very strange place at times and we tend to forget about all the amazing things that life offers and how just a single person can make such a difference to someone’s life just by a smile.

The smiles that I want to see are from the children at Alderman Knight School, Tewkesbury, a well-established special school for children aged 4-16 with moderate and additional learning difficulties, complex needs and Autistic Spectrum Disorders.

Over the past year I have worked closely with the school and my heart has not only got bigger, but I have realised how tough it can sometimes be for both children and parents and a smile on both faces would make running 13 miles worth it.

Why a Sensory Light Circus? First of all it’s fun, but still has the same benefits of a sensory room. They can help to stimulate the senses, as well as relax and calm people down. Senses can be stimulated by following flashing, colourful lights, pressing buttons, hearing noises and sounds and feeling different textured materials. They can also help to stimulate senses and help to gain a sensory experience, develop new skills and explore their senses.

The travelling Light Circus have offered to get involved and host the Sensory Circus and all we need is at least £500 to make this the best Christmas the children at Alderman Knight have ever had.

Please donate as much as possible and you too will feel that glow in your heart!!

Today’s post is a little bit of a rant which may not have anything to do with OCD or mental health, but you know those days where you just need to be a keyboard warrior for 15 minutes? Yep that’s me right now, so please bare with.

Over the last few days I have had various things going on in my life which has really helped me open my eyes.

I’m a positive person, I care an awful lot about everything, I try to see the best in everyone and every situation, but recently (I am being a negative Norman, I know) I find that people who know nothing about a situation all of a sudden have a PHD and cast their judgement before actually knowing the full story. Why??

I’m confused why people believe everything they hear, read and gossip about? I don’t get why people feel a need to get involved, cast judgement and form an opinion when they actually have no idea about any of it??

In today’s world I feel like there’s some sort of weird hierarchy…pretty vague I know but do you know what I mean? People that think they are better than others and tend to judge super quick, erm why? What happened to not being better than anyone? What happened to helping people up rather than pushing them down?

I’m probably being pretty harsh and like I said a Negative Norman, but why isn’t the world and people like how they are in my head? I get that life is hard and I get that people have their own opinions but why get involved in something you know nothing at all about? Why throw you’re two penneth (OLD SCHOOL) around and why the hell are people so naive and sheep-like to follow that opinion rather than growing some balls and forming their own and questioning information they are being given?

The world right now is a pretty crazy right? I feel that there’s a negative hold over people, always assuming the worst, waiting for something bad to happen. What If….. we don’t?

What if we believe that the world is actually awesome and not everything is out to get us?

What if we don’t get involved in other people’s situations and we only focus on things that affect us?

What if we stopped judging people based on rumor?

What if we actually listen rather than assume?

What if we turn Negative Norman into Positive Pauline?

I’m sorry for the rant, I really am. But I do feel much better now!!

Please let me know if you have ever felt like this.

Until next time remember that every single person on the planet has a story. Don’t judge people before you truly know them. The truth might surprise you.

Okay so Christmas has been and gone and this is usually when I start to have the ‘bad days’, after all that fun (and constant distractions) it’s like you’re in the eye of a tornado – so quiet and calm but you can’t shake off that feeling that in any second shit is going to hit the fan. This usually happens year on year and then I kind of go downhill for a few months….ITS EXHAUSTING!!

BUT this year I have a plan

Over the Christmas holidays I learnt quite a lot about myself (I know how cringe it sounds) but I did a lot of good things that made me feel like a ‘good human being’. I went to serve food to people who were going to be alone at Christmas, I bought food for homeless people, I watched my younger cousin compete in the National Synchronised Swimming Competition, I spent a stupid amount of time laughing and giggling at my family and friends but no matter where I was or what I was doing Mr Black (which is a persona I have created for my OCD, after watching the Disney film Inside out – which is a cracking film!!!) was coming along with me.

If I wanted to have fun, laugh and just be stupid then he would be there like “NAHHH HUUUUH Hunni you aint having no fun today” (yeah he kind of has a diva American accent and when he throws horrible intrusive thoughts at me I imagine it to be like he’s throwing a Pokémon ball) but over Christmas the more stuff he tried to throw at me the more I was determined to be rational (COMPLETELY UNLIKE ME!!)

Usually when I have horrible intrusive thoughts I tend to clam up and feel like I should run around in a circle with my hands in the air, cry then scream and then tell myself what a bad person I must be to have thoughts like this. But this time was different – I knew that they were just THOUGHTS, I knew that it was just Mr Black trying to ruin the day with his shit. I felt like, really really calm, like I was ready and after 9 years of taking his shit I was actually ready to fight back, I mean like really ready, like I was finally in control.

I guess I’m going off track a little but the thing that I learnt about myself was that I’m in control, no one else, JUST ME!! So no matter how many times Mr Black throws his Pokémon ball at me I’ll open it up (rather than being scared) I’ll lie it down on the floor and I’ll be rational, then I’ll close it back up and throw it right back at his ugly face!!

I’ll tell you now Mr Black isn’t going anywhere any time soon, so ya know what? He’s going to come on my journey with me, he’s going to HAVE to get used to all the stuff I do because I’m not giving the things of love up just because of OCD and why should I, when I’m the one who is in control, who knows maybe one day we will be best of friends.

For some of you that are reading this it’s going to be hard to do anything rational at all when you have one of those dreaded moments, but if you can do anything at all then do this:

Lie down on the floor or bed or anywhere just make sure you lie down (actually not anywhere, please don’t take that literally, I don’t want anyone to get hurt)

Close your eyes (make sure they are super super closed, like when they are closed so hard that you have that weird vibration that goes through to your ears, after you have done one hard close, just soften your eyes but keep them closed)

Give your shoulders a little role and then do a massive stretch while your lay down, stretch your arms and legs as far as they will go like try and reach both ends of the room with them

10 deep breaths, like real deep ones and just focus on the sound you make as you breathe in and out.

Now this helped me but it might not do it for everyone – when your breathe in – imagine your breathing in the good stuff, the light, the stuff that makes you so happy that you want to pee a little. Then when you breathe out – imagine that it’s all the horrible stupid intrusive thoughts; they are red lava so push those little twats out as hard as you can.

Then just lie there and relax – It will be hard but after that 5-10 mins you will feel much more like you and not OCD/Anxious you.

Like I said it may not work for everyone but that’s just what I do when I’m feeling like the weight of the world is on my shoulders.

This blog is a little all over the place but hopefully you will know what I mean.

Until next time remember:

2016 is your year, make it count and smile because you have no idea how many lives just one smile can save.

Well today was a bit of a funny one. I was asked to go and do some mock interviews with year 10 & 11 students at a special needs school. I had a range of children that I needed to see all around 15 – 16 years old with various disabilities including autism, asperger’s, mental illnesses and physical problems; I’ve worked with disabled children in the past and it’s something that I loved.

Anyway, I was prepped and ready to steer the kids through their first EVER interview, I told myself I would be the ‘good cop’ I didn’t want to scare them, if anything I wanted to make them excited. I wanted to hear what they wanted to do when they left school, what their ambitions and aspirations were? Were they the same as mine when I was 15? An author on a Monday, a dolphin trainer on a Wednesday and a teacher on a Friday then retire when I’m 40 – I wish someone bought me down to earth, retiring when I’m 40 would be great!!!

So after the first interview everything went smoothly and as expected. I interviewed a young girl who was eager to learn about graphic design and she was like a sponge, she was ready to soak in all the information that she possibly could.

Yeah, the morning was going just great, nothing that had taken me by surprise, nothing that had made me think ‘Why am I doing this’, nothing but smiles and fun. Altogether I had interviewed 8 pupils and my second from last interview was a girl, I hadn’t been prepped by any of the teachers beforehand about their disability or illness, however, one of the teaching assistants came in to prep me on this particular girl. I was told that she’s very hard to ‘get along with’ she can come across rude, uninterested, and may have a bad attitude.

I thought perfect, a challenge.

In she walked and yep, she was very hard to read.

She didn’t take to me, she was constantly checking the time on her watch and I could see she had no interest in being a chef at all. She did have good eye contact, but it was more of a stare off and she won every single time. The more she tried to end the interview the more I wanted to find out why? What was she passionate about, what did she love? I asked her some questions about her time-keeping (mainly because the school wanted to know) that’s when it came out….

“I’m always late because I have OCD”

Okay and how does that make you late (she blatantly thought I was being patronising?)

“Do you know anything about OCD, it’s a mental illness” ( she was kind of raising her voice at me, but I was ready for this one, it’s like I was at a pub quiz and I actually knew the answer)

Yes I do know about OCD, actually I know a lot about it because I suffer from it myself

No you don’t

Yes I do, are you currently having CBT? (for some reason I asked the question, I felt like I needed to drop in some ‘OCD keywords’ so she would believe me)

Are you on any tablets…….?

Then the conversation went on from there, she told me that she had OCD from when she was a child and rituals she had to do morning, afternoon and night, she gets horrible intrusive thoughts and she doesn’t know why. When your young you don’t really understand why things happen? And with OCD it’s even more intense so I could see where she was coming from, its easy to play the ‘why me’ card when you don’t understand.

We talked about all sorts including what she does to help, how often she meditates, if she speaks with anyone about her thoughts, whatever came into her head at that precise moment I was willing to talk to her about, it was pretty clear she hadn’t been this open with anyone before.

Now I’m 25, and I’ve had OCD from when I was a teenager, but watching a 15 year old girl talk about it for the first time to a complete stranger was like watching all the weight being lifted from her. Now I don’t know this for sure, but I think I’m the first person she had actually met that had OCD (but REAL OCD, not the ‘I’m a little bit OCD’ OCD) she opened up and told me that she loved baking cakes, but more the icing and designing the look of the cake. It was like I was speaking to a completely different girl. She trusted me. We had a weird but wonderful mutual respect, its like we both knew what the other was going through and it was okay.

I’m going to get all deep and emotional now (switch off if your one of those hard knuckled people) but when the weight lifted from the young girls shoulders it was like she had found hope. I’m no different from any one else who is dealing with the annoying Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, but she could see I was smiling, and yes I’m still dealing with the OCD but that’s only a tiny part of me, I laugh all day every day at all the stupid things I do, im ambitious, im in love, I have everything I need and I’m unique. Yep I have OCD, but that doesn’t define me and I think that’s what made the young girls day, realising that OCD doesn’t have to define you, in fact, it’s only a small part of who you actually are.

It’s funny how the most unusual situations can bring people together, I have spoken to the girls teacher and offered a listening ear if ever she needed it.

Over the last few weeks you have all made me super super happy, so thank you all for just being you!!

So my last blog kind of explained who I am, what type of OCD I have and exactly what I’m doing about it.

So why do I do this? Why tell the world? Why let people judge you?

Well, lets look at this slightly differently, If this was Mastermind then Pure O would be my specialist subject, not because I like it, but because I can share what I experience with the world and then maybe, just maybe, people wouldn’t give you that look (you know the one) the one where they kind of feel sorry for you but also think your slightly crazy? It’s a look that they usually give to dogs when they are chasing their tail – HATE THAT LOOK. It annoys me so much, I literally want to say:

“Come and have a wonder inside my head see how long you last before you want to go back to your own body”

My aim is to attempt to help break the stigma and mainly to help you laugh at all the funny, annoying, stressful, and hilarious situations that our OCD puts us in, I wanted this post to be a little different, I want to explain a real life situation that happened to me – THERUSSIAN MAN.

At the time this event scared the living daylights out of me, I became anxious, crying, stressed, humiliated and a little bit annoyed that it had even happened. I wasn’t in control and that’s what scared me the most, I had an annoying energy whispering thoughts into my head and I would initially obsess over them, wondering if they were true or not.

Okay I’ll start, so I was on holiday with my family last year with mum, dad, my brother and his girlfriend (my best friend) we flew to Egypt, which if you haven’t been, is totally AMAZING!!! Although if you’re not good with the heat I’d take one of those mini fans, scrap that, take a huge fan, I’d even suggest an igloo.

So we were about day 5 of 7 into the holiday and obviously when you’re in your mid 20’s with your best friend and brother you think:

“yeahhh lets have some cocktails and hit the clubs”

(By clubs I mean the only one that was in the hotel, which was basically a black room with some fairy lights – they really spent their budget on that area!!! Everywhere else looked a bit dodge so that was our only option)

We’re in this club – picture me with the most hideous dance moves ever, yeah I’m in my 20’s but I can’t dance at all, I could see European people dancing and they were amazing and then there was me, like the tin man on heat!!

Halfway through the night my brother and his girlfriend went outside to get some fresh air and I said I’d wait inside, I was happy sipping my cocktail and listening to the Egyptian remixes (they were ummm different). Then I thought I’ll sit down on a little stool

THIS IS WHERE ALL HELL BROKE LOOSE

I turned round and there was a normal, average 30 something, Russian man sat at the same table on the other side sipping his drink, just enjoying life, probably daydreaming about what’s happening in Corrie, yeah he was a happy chappy!

Then out of nowhere MR O ‘FREAKING’ C D comes out to play:

“Hey it’s me I’m just here to ruin your night…..

You totally just kissed the Russian guy”

NO I DIDN’T

“Yep you literally snogged his face off”

BUT IM SAT ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE TABLE, I HAVENT EVEN SPOKEN TO HIM

“You defo kissed him, what a cheat, your boyfriend is going to hate you, hurry call him and tell him you cheated, quick!!!”

BUT IVE BEEN MESSAGING HIM ALL NIGHT

“Tut tut tut cheating on your boyfriend, what a bad human being you are, everyone going to hate you, you’re so much better off on your own”

I NEED TO GET OUT OF HERE (It was like a rubbish episode of Jeremy Kyle inside my head)

Instantly I removed myself from the situation and went to find my bro & his girlfriend, I told them everything that had happened, they did all the reassuring that they could but my OCD was still yapping on

“They wasn’t there they don’t know”

So I was in a right state!!

Some of you may be thinking “well if you know you didn’t do it, just tell yourself that, SNAP OUT OF IT, you would know”

This is where Mr Pure O isn’t a very nice thing, it will yap on and on, thinking all sorts of things, nothing, and I MEAN NOTHING is rational. Absolutely everything is irrational, but because of the stress and anxiety everything seems so real! You no longer trust yourself because the whole “WHAT IF” thing happens.

So what do you do in this state? Well I’ve come a very very long way since that episode but at the time I needed reassurance (which I know isn’t the answer, but at the time it was a quick fix)

(ADVICE – When you choose a best friend, make sure you choose one that doesn’t care how stupid they sound or how weird they look, as long as they can pull you out of the darkest times into the light that’s all that matters to them)

My best friend strolled over to the Russian guy and asked him out right if he had kissed me, snogged me, done anything with me. He didn’t have a clue what was going on, (in fact I felt quite sorry for the guy) he didn’t speak a word of English but it was pretty clear he had no idea who I was, no idea who anyone was and he was just happy sipping his drink thinking of Corrie – That reassurance did the trick but it wasn’t the long term fix.

That’s the thing with reassurance, it’s not always healthy, the “WHAT IF” factor comes back and no matter how much reassurance you get from other, you are the only one that can stop it.

After months and months of false guilt and even now wondering if I did actually kiss the Russian guy, I’ve told myself that I know ‘me’ better than OCD does, my family and friends know me better than that thing, and my boyfriend knows me better than anything. It’s hard, like, really really hard, but over time we will learn to trust ourselves, we shouldn’t be scared to do the things our OCD makes us worry about, we shouldn’t stop doing anything because life really is too short. And who is this OCD to tell us what to do with our lives?

So until next time remember, while you are reading this someone is taking their last breath wishing they were you. Grab that little OCD thing and kick it where it hurts, show it that laughter and happiness is the biggest weapon.

Okay, so im not really sure how we do this? Do I start with my name? Do I just go straight into it? Here we go….

Hi, hey, hello, welcome, ola, Gooday. This is my first attempt at writing a blog so please don’t judge to harshly and just bare with me, the good bits are after the intro. So I’m 25, im a female and I would say I’m pretty normal (well im not too sure exactly what normal is, if were talking about the usual pretending to be Mary Berry on a weeknight, eating loads of junk food telling yourself next week is THE week it all changes and laughing at some really un-funny things –even though we all know they are actually quite funny, but we’re mature now so we cant laugh, not out loud anyway, then im your girl)

At some point I will reveal my name but in my first few posts I think it’s better I leave that out for a while, I like the thought of you all conjuring up an image of who I am. People have told me I remind them of a meerkat and my nickname is shrimp. ( ‘so cute like a meerkat but nosey as fuck, and small and pink like a shrimp’) A half meerkat, half shrimp is good-looking right? Slightly off track here.

I’m guessing you’re thinking ‘why has she called this blog The Obsessive Compulsive Dickhead’ she hasn’t even spoken about OCD she’s just trying to be funny….its true, I am, sorry. (start acting your age woman)

Have you ever been in a room where there are loads of people but you feel like you’re super lonely? Ever wanted to wake up as someone else? Ever wished that someone could be in your body and brain just for a few hours to see what its like? Yup, ive had all of those thoughts and do you know what, THEY PISS ME THE F@#K OFF!! So, quite simply I’ve decided to do something about it, and sharing my journey with you guys is my first step.

So I hear you all asking whyyyyyy? Why are you feeling so alone? Why do you want to be someone else? Well remember the title? Obsessive Compulsive Dickhead? Yup I have an annoying OCD Dickhead situated at the forefront of my brain. We have been together for about 8 years on and off, we disagree on everything and I have been trying to get it to move out for the whole duration. My OCD Dickhead isn’t the stereotyped OCD that you may have heard of, I don’t obsessively clean the house, I don’t wash my hands constantly, I don’t have any rituals that I have to carry out, I have Pure O.

I’ll attempt to explain but im no professor. My Pure O is intrusive thoughts and they are constant, they are all the things that you don’t want to think of, everything that you are not, imagining your worst fears and worrying that you will act upon them, constantly analysing things, constantly over thinking (believe me its pretty draining, I’d rather hill sprint up Everest with no coat on)

Confused? struggling to understand? Okay, imagine your worst fear, like the really bad stuff, the stuff you don’t want to think about because it’s so horrible……yup that stuff. Now imagine thinking of that 24 hours a day….imagine going to work or school and constantly thinking those things. Some of you will probably think, ‘nahhhh I just wouldn’t think about them’, well Pure O is a little shit, no matter how hard you try it just wont go, then you try even harder and think logically and how silly those thoughts are and how you would NEVER, EVER, EVER do anything like that….buttttt nope it’s still there, sitting comfortably on the sofa watching s**t get cray. Trust me if I could dropkick OCD in the balls I would, I’d put it in a headlock and squeeze till the little f**k is gone. Want to know my biggest tool to fight this p***k? Laughter, taking the mick out of it, (yes it’s stupidly hard I know, and its taken a good while to get used to this, but laugh, laugh so so so hard that tears come from your eyes)

Just yesterday I went to a OCD support group and I don’t think I have ever laughed at my OCD so much, this may not work for everyone but it certainly helped me and the other members, we laughed and laughed, im so used to OCD being the main topic of every conversation (its boring as f**k) and it was nice to have people in the exact same boat laughing. We laughed at situations our OCD had left us in, we laughed at how ridiculous some of our thoughts were and we laughed at each other, honestly it was the best feeling ever, I haven’t felt that NORMAL (whatever that is) in a long time.

Okay, I can imagine some of you now switching off and thinking, ‘here we go another pretend professor who wants to tell the world her problems’ ya know what though, I don’t.

I want people out there with OCD (all types, I’m not fussy) to read this and laugh, I want you to feel like everything is going to be okay, there is light at the end of the tunnel, I want the world to laugh because honestly, I do think laughing is the best medicine. Lets take the piss out of this little OCD f**k, lets fight It together because what gives it the right to take over our lives?

So I would like to invite you, yesssss you, to join me on my journey of divorcing this little t**t. I know its going to be a hard one but I always like to think that there is a reason as to why I have OCD, im not sure why and im certainly not that happy about it….. I mean giving me a chocolate fountain or tickets to Harry Potter World would have been better, but I guess OCD will have to do for now.

Until next time remember, the sun always shines on the people who need it most, never give up because life is beautiful.