I don't know what my diary of insanities would constitute of.
I guess I could say I'll be hot and cold throughout .
Also I'm not at all assertive and I hate making decisions, but I also have control issues which are revealed to those closest to me(much to their surprise). I suppose it means that ill do whatever you want ,but you have to do it my way. (Fun!)

Another crazy thing I have is that when I perceive someone as being 'weaker' than I am, I can be very controlling.

Do you think it's some kind of projection going on?
I am very dismissive of people when I sense 'weakness' or lack of courage in a person. And I recently realized after reading about our shadows and unwanted parts, I hate weakness In myself, and I often think I'm a coward. I can't seem to accept these parts of myself.
My mother gets angry with me and my sister when she thinks we are avoiding a situation, and she told me that I run from all my problems (I agreed with her silently, and I wondered how she knew that about) , it's cos she has always done that too, and she hates herself for it. That's why she can't stand it, when she sees it in her children ,but doesn't know what to do about it.

Sorry it turned out to be a longer post than I had intended. But it's one of the issues that I struggle with a lot. Accepting what I hate about myself, in others.

I definitely think its part projection, and then part just generally controlling. I felt very lost and forgotten as a kid, and some part of me sees exerting control over others as a way to reclaim that power. Which it obviously isn't, it's just being a bully. And then also, it's sort of a response to anxiety - trying to control others because parts of my life seem so out of control, which goes back to that reclaiming power thing.

Desire is a state,
a state of ill repair.
It's ill prepared to cope,
it's ill prepared to care.

"Be silent and listen: have you recognized your madness and do you admit it? Have you noticed that all your foundations are completely mired in madness? Do you not want to recognize your madness and welcome it in a friendly manner? You wanted to accept everything. So accept madness too. Let the light of your madness shine, and it will suddenly dawn on you. Madness is not to be despised and not to be feared, but instead you should give it life...If you want to find paths, you should also not spurn madness, since it makes up such a great part of your nature...Be glad that you can recognize it, for you will thus avoid becoming its victim. Madness is a special form of the spirit and clings to all teachings and philosophies, but even more to daily life, since life itself is full of craziness and at bottom utterly illogical. Man strives toward reason only so that he can make rules for himself. Life itself has no rules. That is its mystery and its unknown law. What you call knowledge is an attempt to impose something comprehensible on life."

C.G. Jung, The Red Book: A Reader's Edition

Have conquered limerence. I'm no expert but have learnt enough to know where to look for answers.
Limerence Net helped to heal my heart which led to forgiving my abusers ❤