Sunday, December 19, 2010

“Hi my name is Olivia, I'm 16 almost 17, and last year about October is when my eating disorder began.

It's not that anyone ever called me fat or made fun of me, it's just that I personally couldn't stand looking in the mirror. So, I began just by doing some squats, push-ups, jumping-jacks and walks each day and cutting out junk food.

Progressively, each day I got more and more obsessed; I would make myself do more exercise than the day before and eat less than the day before. I eventually got down to consuming absolutely nothing except for water; this was about right after Christmas.

By the time I had gotten down to eating nothing, I slowly decreased my exercise, because I had no energy whatsoever. When I couldn't exercise due to lack of energy, I would sit in my dark room for days; in fear that I would gain weight by just sitting down all day. Although I wasn't eating anything, I started taking laxatives.

I got to the point where I tried to head to my first block class before the school bell would ring, due to the fact that I was walking rather slow at this point and did not want to be trampled by other students. I could literally feel my heart slowly dying with every step I took.

At night before I would go to bed, I would always have the feeling that "hey, you are most likely going to die tonight if you don't eat something, even something little." I would tell myself this, but I could not bring myself to eat anything. It was scary to me how even though I knew I could die, I would rather die than be fat.

I distinctly remember one night where I went to sleep and locked my bedroom door and I was awoken to my mom banging at the door to unlock it, and keep it unlocked. So I got up in anger and unlocked the door. After I had gotten up, I couldn't go back to sleep. I still find it crazy how I had such a lack of energy that I could not even sleep. I remember while trying to go back to sleep, my mom coming in periodically just to make sure I was still breathing.

I was very distant from everyone around me. All of my friends stopped talking to me and my family just gave up on trying to get me to eat. One day towards the end of February, while at school, I got a slip that said that I was getting checked out so I proceeded to the office, where I saw my parents. So when we got in the car, my parents told me that we were going to the pediatrician. When we got there, my pediatrician of 16 years didn't recognize me. He said I was extremely emaciated and dehydrated and told my parents that he would get me set up at a hospital nearby where I could get fluids through an IV.

So my doctor called and told us to go to this psychiatric center called Brentwood, nearby where I was supposedly supposed to get mental and medical help. Well, I had heard of Brentwood before; I had never heard that they had medical help, and that they basically only treated kids with homicidal thoughts. I begged my dad and told him that this wasn't a good place, but he took me because my pediatrician thought that they did have medical attention.

When we got there, they did an assessment and then my dad began to get worried because he realized I was right. So, my dad told the people that we would just get help elsewhere. But, apparently the PECed me Physician Emergency Certificate, which held me there against my parents or my own will for 48 hours. I was so shocked and scared.

When I was there for that night, I could tell that they had no idea how to treat eating disorders. When dinner time came, which was the first food I had eaten since Christmas, I ate as much as possible, but my stomach didn't know what food was anymore. When I was eating I felt shooting pain in my stomach. Not to mention, they literally only gave me about 10 minutes to eat, then they told me to bring my tray up to see what I had eaten. I had eaten only about half of it and they yelled at me.

Then, before I was about to go to bed they called for everyone to line up at the medicine counter, and they handed us all the same type of pills. I asked what the hell are these for? The rude nurse said one is for depression and one is a sleeping pill. They specifically told my parents they would not drug me without their consent, but did anyway.

So here I was, dehydrated in this hellish place being drugged against my will, surrounded by a bunch of kids who were there for stabbing someone or having thoughts of killing someone.

In the morning they gave me an EKG and it came back abnormal. Thank god for that EKG, because it got me transferred out of there, to the ER of a much better actual hospital where I received medical help, IV and fluids for about 4 days. Once, I had gotten discharged, my doctor at the hospital advised my parents to take me to a hospital in Dallas, Children's Medical Center, where they had a unit that specializes in eating disorders. My dad said that we could do it on our own and declined.

The day after I got out, I was back to not eating again and my same old routines. I had thought about the hospital in Dallas and had started to want to really go. I told my dad and begged him to take me there. He was so shocked that I would want to go, but he didn't really want me to go; but, he said he would try to get me there.

So one weekend, we headed for Dallas and the hospital, when we got there they did an assessment and some other things; I was happy I thought I was finally going to be admitted into this unit. Well, I wasn't that day, and was devastated. Apparently our insurance wouldn't cover it at the time and on top of that, the doctors there said that my heart was on the verge of failing, and that before I could join the unit and start eating on my own that I would have to go to a cardiologist and receive fluids to my heart, I was so pissed off. I just wanted to be in the unit and get help.

So, we drove back to Bossier City, LA and had to receive help there for my heart. My parents had gotten the stuff with the insurance company straightened out and within a week we were finally back at the hospital. I was excited to be around kids that were going through the same thing as me. When I walked in I was kind of scared; most of the kids had feeding tubes attached to their noses. I found out that if they missed a few meals, that they would get the tube. I was determined to not get the tube and get out as fast as possible.

I was inpatient for about a month and partial patient which was where I would come from 7AM-5PM for a little over a month. I had been admitted on March 16 and had been discharged on May 17th.

I had met so many awesome people; the kids there were so motivating. We all got over our struggles together. Since then, I have been doing well, with little to no slip-ups. I'm happy; making all A's and I'm currently in 6 school clubs. I also got a job at a local pizza place. I have gone from being 68 pounds to a much healthier weight. I have also gotten a tattoo of the NEDA symbol to remind me of my journey every day, not that I could ever forget it.”

9
comments:

Why thank you very much, it means alot to me. I'm fortunate enough to have somehow pulled myself out of a disease that to commonly takes the lifes of its victims. It is my only hope that in time, this disease will have fewer death-statistics.

hi! i`m soon 18 years old girl from Finland, and i have suffered from anorexia for three and half years. not so long, but enough long to forget how it feels to be healthy. i´ve been twice in hospitals, first time at ´´normal hospital´´ 5 months and second time at mental hospital for a year. I started to eat pills, when i was put on the tube for two weeks. And i cried and screamed almosta 10 hours a day and the nurses couldnt do anything to help me. They said i belonged to mental hospital, but my body was so weak that they were not allowed to sent me anywhere. Then i got better and i was sent to home, but it was three months and i have gone back to my old habits; hiding food and skipping meals. So my weight dropped and i was sent to the mental hospital. There my doctor started to give me more and more meds, even i didn´t want eat them and even i was quite well. Finally i ate pills as much as scitzophrenic people even my only diagnose was anorexia. Now i´ve eaten them two years and i can´t remember how i feel without meds. But the worst thing in the meds is that i´m addicted to them. I really wish you won´t be at the same situation where i´m now and i wish u could be better!!! good luck, u can do it!!!xox

Your a strong fighter keep up the good work you are a gorgeous girl. I've been anorexic bulimic for 5 years and I run cross country play softball and spend hours working out and exercising. After cross country practice I go home and run some more miles. I was up to 8-10 miles a day and then worked out. But as of right now I have no energy left in me I come home from school and go to sleep and don't eat for days at a time. I'm trying to find help now so I can finally be healthy again