From mud huts, umqomboti and straightback to penthouses, expensive weaves and moet!

YES 129

For those that don’t believe the world can stop well then they have never lived, it can and it did. Parents love

saying that there is nothing more painful in life than to lose a child but the truth is there is also nothing more painful than to lose a parent. I did not understand and I do not think I will ever understand. She was doing fine, she was happy and she was laughing. My mother was hardly a soft person but the last few days she had really softened up. Was she sick all along and had just stopped complaining because well, I always accused her of lying? Was that it?

Sfiso asked me but I don’t think even in that moment of silence I heard him. All I could see flash by was my mother’s face, our last moments together. He had to shake me back to life.

“Lungi, you blacked out there for a moment! What’s going on?”

He asked me. I think only then did a tear trickle down my cheeks.

“Please turn around; I have to go back to Johannesburg right now.”

Imagine we were almost a good two hours out of Johannesburg when I made him make that u-turn. I think he could see that whatever it was it was huge because he did not complain. He safely slowed down; we had to wait a good two minutes before he could safely make an illegal u-turn on the N3.

“I need to call my mom!”

I said out loud suddenly. Maybe my sister had lied, it was a mistake, she had wanted to make an ill timed and ill conceived prank. I dialled my mother’s as I had ringed it so many times and the number it rang. See I knew it! Her number still worked and is it not that when a person dies their number stops working. Someone picked up.

“Mommy what’s going on?”

I asked her immediately before she could even say

“Hello!”

I thought it was her, relief then only to be disappointed when the voice said,

“Lungi it’s me!”

It was my sister. It was my sister! Why was she picking out mama’s phone?

“Give mom the phone! I am not playing with you!”

I told her curtly. I did not want her jokes she was not funny. I could hear sounds in the background, soft voices and I think a police siren or ambulance but I could not tell.

“Sis, I am not joking, mama is gone. Kante where are you?”

She said choking on tears. I heard in the back ground Miriam’s voice say,

“Is that Lungi, let me talk to her!”

Wait, what was Miriam doing there? Had she known mama was sick? Was that the secret mama wanted to discuss with her? What the hell was going on? I had so many questions. I did not mean to have them but they just kept coming to my head.

“Dear Lord, please don’t make this true. Please make my mother healthy again. I will do whatever you please for this is your will.”

I prayed out loud.

Sfiso was surprised.

“Is your mother sick?”

He asked me with that sudden prayer. When he asked those words I have never wanted so badly for that hypochondriac woman to be sick. I had complained all my life about her always being sick but this once, dear heavens please make her be sick.

“My sister is saying that my mother…”

I could not bring myself to say it. I had forgotten Miriam was on the phone and in a distance I could hear her say,

“Hello, hello, Lungi are you there… Are you sure she is on the phone?”

Sfiso gently prised the phone out of my hands and spoke on the phone,

“Hi this is Sfiso what’s going on?”

I think Miriam must have said who she was because upon recognition of the voice he said,

“Oh Miriam yes it’s me Sfiso what’s wrong, Lungi just went cold on me is something wrong with her mother?”

He asked her.

“Oh God no!”

He said suddenly and then said,

“Its ok, we on our way. We still an hour and a half out of Jhb! Please send me your location because she won’t be in any state to give me directions.”

He told and also asked her thoughtfully. Directions, oh yes, he needed to know how to get to my house.

“Oh Lungi!”

That’s all he said after hung up the phone and we drove. We drove in silence. He did not say anything to console me or to comfort me because I won’t lie I did not want him to. I was doubting Thomas; I needed to see for myself to believe. Don’t come here telling me nonsense.

“Earlier today my mother asked me to come say bye before I left. I told her I was going out of town for a few days with you and she was actually quite happy for once. I did not go Sfiso, I did not go say bye? I would have seen her; I would have been able to tell if something was wrong. I let her down!”

I cried to him. He was the only one there and he could not even hold me now as I was crying. How could he if he was driving. I crumbled into a ball in that front seat and I think I was going to get mad. So many things flashed through my mind.

“Hang in there love. We will be home soon.”

He said by way of consolation. I could feel the car was going a bit faster than before.

“Everything will be fine. You will be fine.”

I said nothing. I don’t think anything will ever be fine again. From the top of the road I could see the blue lights of the police van. They guided us in from the top of the street and the closer we got to them it dawned on me that this really was happening… People had gathered. Where is their decency really? What did they want to see? When a person dies in the house it is not an ambulance that takes the body out, it’s the police.

I got to the house as the police were about to take her body out. I was grateful that it had taken this long because imagine if I had already found her gone.

“No wait!”

I screamed as I ran to clutch her lifeless but still warm body. This was unreal; it felt like a living nightmare. Someone was playing a joke, a cruel joke at that. How could they?

“Maam please step away!”

One of the police officers asked me politely without actually pulling me away.

I cried but she did not stir, she did not wake up. Why was she not waking up?

“Lungi!”

My sister said from somewhere. How can I even start to describe the pain I felt when I saw my beautiful sister’s tears? I had never noticed before how much she looked like mum until now. How come I had never seen this before?

“Sis what happened? Where is my mother? Where is she? I want my mum, where is she?”

I cried to her as she ran to me.

“I don’t know what to say, I don’t what to say, I did not even see that something was wrong? I messed up Lungi, I messed up!”

She cried as she gave me a huge hug which almost knocked me over. I don’t think I will ever forget the way my sister cried for our mother.

“Lungi… She is gone!”

It was now just the two of us left and for the first time in my life I realized how small I was and how big and scary the world was without my mother. She had always been there and I never fully appreciated it.

“Oh my girls, I am so sorry!”

I heard the familiar caring voice of Mam’Dolly as she wrapped her hands around us.

“She is not serious. We still need her here!”

She said talking to us. I could see the pain in her face she was just as shocked as we where. The police officers moved her body sombrely to the van. They were taking her to the mortuary I think I don’t know but I was not going to let them take her away without me. I needed to protect her. I got in the car with my sister and Sfiso, whilst Mam’Dolly was in her son in laws car with Miriam.

“This is not happening!”

My sister said with a hoarse voice to no one in particular. I just stared at her even though through all the tears I could not really see her. I was trying to remember the exact last words my mother had said to me. I did not want to forget them.

“We need to plan a funeral!”

I heard Mam’Dolly say to Miriam. You know how in the neighbourhood there is the master of funerals; she was it so in part we were in good hands.

“Not now mum, we will worry about all that tomorrow!”

Miriam told her as she held me whilst the police took my mother’s body away. I don’t remember much about what happened in the next hour but when we eventually stepped outside my whole body felt numb.

“You need to rest, you both do!”

Sfiso said wisely to my sister and me. I know I don’t value men much but having that support structure reassuring me and holding me up felt like a relief.

“He is right girls!”

Mam’ Dolly chirped in. She was technically our mother now or wait, I had spoken too soon. In the parking lot a car I was unfamiliar with arrived to join us. A man was driving and behind him was my aunt.

“Did you call her here?”

I asked my sister and she nodded.

“Yes I did!”

“Why would you do that though?’

I asked her angrily.

“She is her sister. No matter what differences they have between them she is still her sister!”

My sister told me frankly. She was not even going to entertain me on this one.

“What are you doing here?”

I said moving angrily towards her. Sfiso moved in front of me and blocked my path.

“Not here not now!”

He warned me.

“This is your entire fault! Ever since this calling nonsense started bad shit has been happening in my life. I should never have listened to you.”

I think this was the first time I felt she had brought evil into my life. She was not listening to me though as she knelt to the ground and started crying.

Thank you for reading my email and let me start by saying, you are truly blessed. Your work is so amazing and I have been following you from Diary of a Zulu Girl. I pray God will bless your work and bless you abundantly.

So here goes my story, its quite long so please bear with me.

5years ago I got into a relationship with a zulu guy. I am coloured. Initially we both agreed that it was just an “arrangement” as we had both just come out of long term relationships. Basically it was suppose to be a friends with benefit thing as I had know him for about 4years prior to this agreement starting. We had been friends for those 4 years but just hi hi. Then when we were both single we started chatting alot. Plus i knew this guy as a player in those 4 year so i didnt want anything serious with him.

So we started our thing and about 8months down the line the guy tells me his in love and wants to get married. But i felt his reasons at the time were wrong and so i declined. His reasons were he doesnt have someone to look after him and he doesnt want to die without a wife lol. So anyway i said no but realised i was also in love with him so should i say i thought i was in love.

We spent all our time together like after work or on weekends going to the mall all day long etc. His family knew about me and his mum liked me. To me he had changed his ways. He however refused for me to tell my parents that we were together. He said because once i tell my parents he can no longer visit me at home because thats how black people are. By this time we had moved from friends with benefits to being in a proper relationship. I then told him i was ready for marriage now. He said he was no longer ready and had no money at the time. He started working late and sometimes on weekends claiming he is making money for us but if he was not working on weekends he was with friends. Things changed drastically when i was no longer allowed to see him on weekends unless i made an appointment with him in advance. Crazy right but i still put up with it thinking im being a good girlfriend and not troubling the guy. Plus im not into this detective thing because i believe if a man wants to cheat he will do so nomatter what.

So when things were still good and he was promising his doing things for us and our future. Even going back to study so he can get promoted he had asked me to buy him a car on my name and he would deposit the money in my account. At the time i didnt mind as i thought and believed he is the ONE. His reason for not being able to buy it on his name was because he was blacklisted. Blacklisted due to taking countless loans to look after his family as he is the 1st born son. He raised his siblings and sent them to varsity but when they qualified they got jobs and bought cars and still expected him to look after them. So i agreed also because he said after 3 months the car would go on his name but that didnt happen. He initially chose a car for R7000 pm excluding insurance. I had my own car at the time that i could afford. I have always cared about my name and getting blacklisted. My car was R5800pm.

So guys he payed well and on time but paid me late one month and i forgave him. After a year he says he needs to change the car as this 1 is giving him problems and the dealer does not mind changing it as its a factory fault or something. He then chooses a car that costs R9900 a month.

I realised i was being taken for a ride and ended things with him like end of 2015 but we ramained friends and also there were financial commitments he had to stick to.

Besides this i took a loan for him for R60000 so he can consolidate his bills and only pay 1 amount being me. As i said guys i thought we were building a life together. He had borrowed money from me personally to the value of about R6000. I was playing stokvel at work and he would borrow money on my name. He borrowed about R30000 capital and owed about R6000 interest. This was last year. He would say he is buying tyres for the car blah blah blah just lying nje.

From august last year he starts paying me late every month and i was suffering from stress because i didnt know if he would pay me the money or not. I stopped eating properly and i could not sleep because these are huge amounts of money. Eventually i asked my sister to communicate with him as i was so frustrated and constantly being admitted in hospital. This guy promised that nomatter what happened between us he would always honour his commitments because i helped him alot. My sister begged him to put the car on his name and he was claiming his still blacklisted he even threatened to write the car off. So i decided to go on and collect the car and keep it in my yard for safe keeping until he put it on his name. He had asked for 2weeks to do this. His mother even agreed with me. When i went to collect the car the mother changed her tune infront of her son. Mind you he had accumulated about +/- R10000 worth of fines.

I took the car anyways. After i took the car. He stopped taking my calls and stopped making payments for the loan the car the stokvel and the money he owed me. He also said he no longer wanted the car. I struggled december last year. I was now stuck with a R9900 car i could not afford and a loan of R60000 and stokvel money for R36000 forget about the money he owes me personally.

I tried to sell his car only to find out there is a R300000 shortfall. Then i had to sell my car which had a R60000 shortfall and keep his. Mind you my car instalments were R5800 and now i had to pay an additional R4100 which i did not have. I took another loan to settle the 1 i took for him and also to pay in the R60000 shortfall on the sale of my car. I had to use all my bonus and most of my salary to pay the stokvel people. I had no money for pads as a working woman. Things were bad. I tried to call him and text him. I tried to text his mother she would read my messages and not reply.

I actually wanted to kill myself. My family have been supportive emotionally but financially i am screwed and will be for a long time. The car might even be taken away from me.

What do i do guys? I wanted to get people to beat him up and hurt him but he owns a firearm so i was scared he would know its me then kill me. What do i do. Am so frustrated and hurt and angry and i cry most days when i think of how i got here. I thought i was helping him and us and our future. I am so stupid.

63 thoughts on “YES 129”

Its hard to lose a parent especially your mother I know it happened to !e two years ago. When I arrived at home and all the neighbours sitting there mourning I just fainted lost my and for two weeks. Nothing made sense but God is good he loves everyone he wiped our tears as a family. He guides us and protects us.Themba kuye njalo.

I say take him to court, you had a verbal agreement therefore it’s a valid contract. Just go to the small claims court and find out more, the nice thing about small claims court is that u don’t need legal representation so u won’t waste more money on lawyers. Sies, selfish man.

Yho sisi nawe!!! I do not mean to rub salt onto an open wound but what were you thinking?? Never allow someone to use your name to acquire credit! 99.9% of the time it does not end well! I mean, he was blacklisted, what made you think he would be a good debtor to you!! I’m sorry but you acted very stupidly!!

Wow Mike, today when I was reading Yes, it just took me back to the year 2010. When I lost my mom and sister, I got so emotional when I was reading YES today, and as for the hurt, i have been in your situation, gone through almost the same axact situation you are in, except that my family was not supportive, they use to call me stupid for buying my then boyfriend a car, the resented me for it and call me all sort of name, don’t give up, by God ‘s grace u will pool through, your ex boyfriend will get what’s coming to him. With me God just blessed me with a much better job and now I’m coping financially. Pray for strength, and know that God will pool u through. Don’t allow this to break u

This was a very emotional chapter for me…I lost my mom in December last year and while reading this I was in tears cause it sounded like my story…that night, that moment…I also asked on the phone where did my mom go…it still hurts :'(

Wow Mike. Personally I’ve never lost a loved one before but the manner in which you were able to capture-in words- all that raw emotion, I’ve never seen anything like it. Captivating, assimilating, moving… you did with words what sometimes visuals even fail to capture. Ngikuthulela isgqoko WOW.

As for hurt… I hope you at least find light at the end of your tunnel! Yoh men are trash!

Lmao oh plz man what shit that Lungi killed her mother. Only God takes life the ancestors do not possess that power!! Thank you Mike I cried while reading this, it was beyond sad and so touching. Dear Hurt, we all trust blindly at times and regret it later. You are not stupid, you are human. We have a God that is all seeing and all knowing he will punish him accordingly. Do not lose hope on life things will work out. Please stay positive. God actually saved you from marrying a broke con artist. Consider yourself very lucky sweetheart. All the best in the future.

Thanks Mike, I had tears in my eyes reading this chapter. The lose of a mother to girl child is something that words will never be able to explain. Kubhlungu. My mom passed on six years ago but I don’t think the pain will ever go away nor will the void ever be filled.

Dear Hurt, stay strong sis and do not hurt yourself, do not give him the satisfaction. Go lay charges against him. All the best. Nothing lasts forever, this will pass and you will be fine.

Kimma. in life you should never make yourself smarter at the expense of someone else. the moment you typed “I don’t mean to add more salt to injury” I think that’s where you should have stopped texting because everything else you said became irrelevant. Hurt is looking for a solution, of which you did not provide instead you insulted her thinking capacity and reminded her of her mistake of which she is fully aware of. Next Time I suggest you should first put yourself into somebody’s shoes before proudly display that you’re advising them. Have a blessed day and God bless you mam.

Men trash in different levels everyday! You need to involve the law as soon as you can, don’t allow this to be you burden alone, he should own up to his mess, things we do for love though it’s scary. All the best sis, just pray for strength.

Yhoo this chapter just brought back nemories of my mom I lost her on the 1stof may .same as Lungi sunday she was fine monday got sick took her to the doctor and she died just like that. It was a shock I still can’t get over it even now.

ha haha there’s plenty of money in SA women aaaoooo madam you were so blinded by love, money, bank loan aowa he can rather go, ga ke rapele lerato ka madi a kalokalo sis loan is for ME ONLY not taking for HIM. wake up bomme.
sorry there’s nothing we can do to remedy the situation you are stuck in debt my love.
BW

Some people don’t understand that it takes great courage to write these letters to Mike hoping to get advise instead people will kick you while you down😢. Dear hurt stand up nd gather yourself to yourself girly, this is earth shit happens. Now write a step by step plan of how you going to make a fuckery of your shity ex, take him to small claims court and then find a debt councillor, hang in there you will pull through. Remember there’s light at the end of the tunnel

@ Hurt I can ask a sister whose heading this route to see this letter but she will just swear at me. She is currently in a less than 2 years relationship with her useless boyfriend, he doesnt work. Abuses her, picks her late from work although driving her car but she doesnt see all of this, she is blinded by love:(. She is renovating his parents home in soweto, feeds them , no one works in that family so she is their breadwinner.

She gave her apartment up to move t Soweto in to this family, ngwana oo mfa di high high hle. Please people help pray for my little sister so that she sees the light.

will do so. but Don’t be too harsh on her because you’ll push her more towards him and that family of his, you know the saying that “you can never advice a woman in love”… just don’t get tired praying for her and be there for her cause the day she’ll wake up, she will definitely need you.

Dear Hurt
Small claims court will not help you, they deal with matters of amounts less than R10k. We are talking almost a million in your case. I don’t know what legal recourse you can take but there must be something. I’d say find a legal advisor.

Don’t go to debt review or debt counselling, it will ruin your credit scoring for life.

You need to gain control of your finances again and it’s gonna be hard. You have to cut down. Move back home so you don’t have to pay rent. If you can, take a consolidation loan and pay off all the other small debts so that you’re left with the consolidation loan and car only. Old Mutual and Direct Axis are great. In Booysens there’s a place where they pawn cars. They take your car and give you a loan, the maximum being the value of your car. Take the R9900 car there, get a settlement amount from the bank and settle the car debt. With the change, buy a pre owned. Cash. At auctions you can come out with a nice car for R60k. Look in your closet, do you have expensive items you can sell online? Also look at your hobbies and interests, is there something you can do for extra cash?

It is not going to be easy but it can be done. All the best sweetheart.

Hi Chezz,
I like your advice especially that it is practical to help her back on her shoes. Can you (or someone else) review the idea of pawning a car as it is not clear since she said there is a shortfall of R300 000.

Dear @Hurt, please take back the car and get financial counselling asap. Move into a cheaper apartment if you have to. Try a small business on the side. You might suffer a bit now but soon you will rise.

I think you should go to Debt Counselling, it will help you out and you can push your debts and pay them off much quicker. It does not ruin your credit score for life, I know a few people who managed to finish their debts through it. You can try a company by the name of DebtBusters they good. While you take him to court.

Hurt, please approach all the companies that you owe and arrange a payment plan for a lesser installment. Also maybe ask the bank to reposes the cars and they can also try and sell them as second hand. Try and downgrade on other areas such as apartment. This is indeed a very tough situation and so sorry that this is happening to you.

@hurt, Mara why Abantu benjena. Your ex and his mother are both schoto’s relatives I tell you. I’d also advise you to cut in your expenses and start a business on the side,maybe sell forever products, people say it pays or it will atleast help in paying istockvel. I’d say go to a legal advisor,chances are he now bought a car because you helped him clear his name, if he doesn’t have the money to pay you then you can sell his current car using the legal route of course.
But please don’t take your life.

Mike. This chapter and then this letter. And then the comments by all those who lost someone. Heartbroken.

To everyone who’s posted on the loss of a loved one, my deepest condolences. I know the grief comes in ebbs and waves; may God heal you at each every moment. Take your time.

To “Hurt”. I am so sorry. I’m sorry that you even met someone like that. I’m sorry that you’re having to live through a life you’d never imagined. I suggest you seek legal advice. The small claims court might not be your solution considering the amounts involved. You do have a valid claim though, including that of all the emotional trauma that this man has put you through.

I’m in the legal fraternity and I’d like to assist you, if you so permit. Mike I humbly request that you give my email to the writer (By the way Mike, it’s “Rachel” lol).

Again to “Hurt”, I am terribly sorry for what you’re going through, hang in there.

I have been trying to respond to your letter but my network would act up the moment I press send. but I won’t get tired of retyping… this time I hope my responds finds you.

The only help that I can offer you is 2 things.

1. I am fully aware that you are hurting… and what i am about to say seem crazy but Forgive him. Please, for your own sake forgive him for what he has done to you.

I know forgiving someone for putting you through so much hurt is something that is not easy, I know that however to make it easier for you I suggest you pray. Cry unto your Creator….Tell him EVERYTHING the same way you poured your broken heart out when you wrote this letter this time do it to God.

in the process of all of this take your bible and read it. if you don’t have one please purchase one.. at the back of every bible you always find those scriptures that are literally written in the way that we may be feeling in that particular time. look for verses that will guide you to forgive your ex boyfriend…gather strength and wisdom. There’s actually a whole lot more that you can discover but let’s start with Forgiving.

Secondly, I would like ask you to have faith in God… this burden that you have right now, may you please take it to him. speak to him like he has no idea what you’ve been doing or what this guy has done to you. lay out all your problems to him. Believe me, you’ll experience what joy, peace, laughter and most importantly love is. God loves you and let him show you that he has your back. Let him take care of your burden for he said he will never leave nor forsake us and unlike us human beings that fail to keep our promises God never fails. When he says have faith in me and worry no more he means it. practice the faith. That’s when you’ll see yourself coming with solutions…That’s when you’ll see things happening…woman! I say that’s when you’ll understand why God allowed you to be where you are right now so that you may give him the honour to Take care of you.

See, God is a gentleman!! he gave us common sense in order to honour him by using it…furthermore when he sees that you want to rely on the same common sense that he gave you to tackle this life thing…aii! being the gentleman that he is, he steps back and let you to do things the way you want to. Of which in your case that’s exactly what he did. he did not stop you when you relied on your mind to live your life because he knew this was going to happen and this is how you’ll grow more closer to him.

Now my sister, all I’m asking for you is to test the God that I serve. Jehovah is his name to be specific. Test him please. plead with him to give you wisdom, give him your heart, your mind and your spirit and trust me…he will take care of you.

the situation your in is honestly not a Problem at all! my sister you don’t have problems! This is what we call an opportunity… an opportunity for you to grow, an opportunity for you to love yourself, an opportunity for you to gain wisdom and an opportunity for you to experience that God Is Supreme and him alone can take you out of this.

I know it seems like I’m crazy to ask you to do these 2 things… and that it does not make sense how you shouldn’t be bothered by your financial problems but come join me in this craziness and forget about this debt for a moment and just fix and focus on God. he will give you solutions you’ll see that by when he respond to you. learn to listen to him in that particular time. you’ll find yourself getting solutions…you’ll find yourself having ideas on how to make money, you’ll find yourself overflowed with thoughts on how you’re going to tackle this.

When all is said and done. you will understand why God made you to go through this. Don’t give up. take care of yourself, love yourself and be at peace with the choices you made under the influence of your ex boyfriend. your ex boyfriend is a blessing… through what he has put you through he is making a remarkable woman out of you.

and remember he is in God’s hands. allow the Lord to be the one that has his revenge. wena that’s not your job. your job is to forgive and take care of yourself.

tshikosindivhuwo@gmail.com email me if you need a sister to hold your hand, walk with you in this journey of faith and help you to get back up when you trip and fall.

Approach your nearest legal aid office, to get legal advise on the validity or enforceability of your verbal agreement with your ex.
If you have texts messages were he concedes to making payments to you or asking you to take out loans, make sure you keep them safe. They could be material proof in proving your case.

NB: might be a good idea to record all future conversations with this guy, who knows what he might let slip.

Lastly in the meantime while you still working on the legal aspects, seek the help of a debt counselor.

The pain of loosing a parent is 1 that never gets better u just learn to live with it. 14yrs ago we came back from school with my sis to a full house n our mothers lifeless body on the bed, I was 12yrs n after all these years it still hurts like it was yesterday…This chapter just put me in a place I dnt wanna be in😞😞😭😢

Eish Mike…watla wanledisa…yoh!!you surely are gifted. I rember in 2010 receiving a call that my partner is no more. I remember going straight to the bathroom kneeling down saying God please don’t make this to be true…please make sure that he is fine….I just spoke to him 4 hours ago and he was fine…It can’t be please God I’am begging you. You just made me relive it…its like it was just yesterday.
To Hurt
Sisi I am sorry for what you are going through. You will get help and you will be okay again just put your faith in God. The good thing about this is that you are talking about it, talking also heals. All the best my sister

I had to read this chapter in two days because it really hit home. It will be 3 years this July since she departed but I still remember that cold monday morning like it was yesterday. This time of the year is always the hardest as her birthday and the day of her passing are 3 weeks apart.

This chapter though yoh, I don’t know what I would do without my mother. I would probably lose my mind. To all the people who lost their loved ones condolence and may the Lord continue to give you strength and courage to keep moving in this world. God bless you.

so sorry Lungi cina sis wami.

@ Hurt askies sisi I don’t know what to say nor do I have advise for you be strong and ask God for guidance. Please do not hurt yourself this is just a learning curve kuzolunga sis wami.