Ashleigh : Can't believe you signed up for an extra class you don't get credit for.

Casey : It's a prep class. And, according to Evan, it's the best way to ace the LSAT. And it gets my mom off my back, which is even better than course credit.

Frannie : Thank God I gave up my advanced degree aspirations. Standardized tests are so not my thing. Good luck, Case. I'm off to my seminar on the movies of John Hughes. Enjoy!

Ashleigh : So... Is Evan taking this LSAT class, too?

Casey : Evan? No, Mr. Born-Lawyer already took the class, of course. On his way to becoming the Supreme Court's youngest clerk ever. "Welcome to your first step towards an exciting future career in the law."

Ashleigh : About money. I'm broke. What am I gonna do about spring break? It's next week.

Casey : There's no way you can your parents go give you more?

Ashleigh : I can't tell them I've already spent my allowance for this month. Can I borrow against your future account?

Casey : You'll have to make an appointment with my cute administrative man-sistant to discuss that.

Ashleigh : Stop, you're intimidating me.

Casey : Wait until you see me in the courtroom. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury...

KT HOUSE - Meeting

Cappie : Case closed. And so it is resolved. It takes 427 licks to get to the chocolate-y center. Good going, Spitter. I've never seen anyone lick something that fast. It was mildly disturbing. Now, that that's out of the way, you're all ready to become new men.

Rusty : Are we getting initiated?

Cappie : This is an initiation of sorts. Wait, Beaver. This box contains the lost souls of dozens of departed Kappa Taus.

Pickle : You think there are body parts in there?

Cappie : This box holds your futures. You are no longer Pickle.

Pickle : I'm not?

Cappie : No, you're not. You are now... Peter Carey, age 24. Kappa Tau class of 2006. Gentlemen, it's time to get your fake Ids. Because while the Kappa Tau basement does not card, the bouncers at spring break do.

Beaver : Buzzkill.

Wade : Doormen you encounter next week are fierce, pledges. You must become one with your new identies. Let no Myrtle Beach bouncer tear you asunder.

Cappie : Everything worth while comes with at a risk, Spitter. Or should I say... Chad Stewart?

Credits

CRU - Classroom

Girl : So what'd you get?

Casey : A new notebook?

Girl : Your score. I got a 160 last practice test. I got a 160 on my last practice test, which would be OK, except I want to go to Yale and they would laugh at me with that score. And if I don't get into the international trade law program at Yale, I'm done. I have a 3.9, which is OK, but I really need to beef up my internships this summer if I don't want to be a total joke.

Casey : Yeah.

Girl : Have you started interviewing yet?

Casey : Interviewing... No, not yet. I thought this class was my first step towards an exciting future career in the law.

Girl : What'd you get on your last practice test?

Man : One-seventy.

Casey : OK, looks like some people are overdoing it a little bit, right?

Man : What do you mean?

Teacher : OK, everybody. Let's get down to business. I'm sure you've been practicing, so let's go ahead and start off with a mock-LSAT. Pass those back. You've got two hours. When I say go, go… GO.

Cappie : What's your sign, buddy? You get out of here. You and your fake ID! You get out of my club! Nobody messes with Tad, the best bouncer in Myrtle Beach! Get outta my sight!

Rusty : Come on!

Cappie : You didn't have to give a noogie. Lucky that's all you got. If we were in Myrtle, you'd get a class-one misdemeanor punishable by a fine of not more than $200 or imprisonment for not more than 30 days plus court costs. Let's let Rusty's abject failure be a lesson to us all.

Rusty : Well, what kind of question is, "What's your sign?"

Cappie : A question the real Chad Stewart would have answered easily. There's an in-bar field test coming up tonight. I want you to study up and be prepared, or it's Noogieville for you. Or jail in some states.

Beaver : Man, it is wild in there! You don't even wanna know.

Cappie : Back of the line. Next.

CRU - Street

Ashleigh : I can't believe this.

Calvin : How commercialized spring break has become?

Ashleigh : That's all good. It's that I won't be able to participate in any of the pre-packaged commercialism this year unless I win the lottery. Hello, Powerball.

Calvin : Don't you have a credit card?

Ashleigh : Yes. But the bill goes to my parents. And ever since they figured out that my charges to MAC were for lip gloss and not computer tech-support, they've been strict with it.

Girl : Well, you won't have that problem here. Your Credit Plus bill goes right to you. Not only that, it will allow you to establish a credit history in your name.

Ashleigh : That sounds like a smart thing to do.

Girl : It is. And for every purchase you make, you'll earn points. And I can offer you a thousand dollar limit.

Ashleigh : Sign us up!

Calvin : I don't know.

Girl : I can throw in a free MP3 player, but the offer is good for today only. But since you guys are such good customers, I can have those cards overnighted to you, and you'll be ready to charge tomorrow.

Ashleigh : It's just a credit card. It's not the Army.

Calvin : Sure, why not?

Ashleigh : Spring break, here we come.

CRU – Dale & Rusty’s room

Dale : What are you studying?

Rusty : I am studying Chad Stewart.

Dale : I haven't come across any Chad Stewart. Is that in the string theory section?

Rusty : Chad Stewart is the guy whose fake ID I inherited. But all I can find is his CRU web page from three years ago. Apparently, he's a songwriter. Not bad?

Dale : Pretty rudimentary chord changes if you ask me.

Rusty : How old do I look in this?

Dale : Eighteen. You know, lying about who you are is never good, Rusty. It signals a lack of self-esteem. Why would I want to be anyone but Dale Kettlewell?

Rusty : You wouldn't, Dale.

Dale : Obviously.

Rusty : What about this?

Dale : You look like my cousin Barry. He always wore a hat like that. He's in prison now.

Rusty : I don't care about your cousin. I need to look like a 24-year-old singer and snowboarder who backpacks through South-east Asia.

Dale : To my knowledge, people who travel through South-east Asia generally look like pedophiles. Which is kind of fitting, because that's what Barry got pinched for.

Rusty : All right. Come on, man, help me out.

Dale : I will. By referring you to the Book of Matthew, which tells us that one sign of the end times is Satan impersonating an angel of light. So it's up to you, Rust. What do you want to be? Satan, or an angel of light?

Rusty : Whichever gets me served in Myrtle Beach, Dale.

Dale : That'd be Satan. Satan lives in Myrtle Beach.

OMEGA CHI HOUSE – Living room

Evan : Hey! What are you doing here? Your Guide to Acing the LASAT.

Casey : I'm taking that prep class you took last semester. Why didn't you tell me the goobers in that class passed the bar? I am way behind. I got a 140 on my first practice test, thanks to those stupid logic problems. So I thought...

Evan : I could help you?

Casey : Yeah, but not if it's too weird. I don't want to ask too much of our brand-new friendship.

Evan : You know, of course it's not too weird. You need help, I'm here for you. And I've got a bunch of my old practice tests upstairs. You're right, those logic problems can be a bitch.

Girl : What about you two? Got some ID for me? Are you really Chad Stewart?

Cappie : In the flesh.

Rusty : Yeah. Who else would I be?

Girl : This is so weird. I always had this fantasy of you walking into my bar one day. I never thought it would happen. I mean, you haven't been seen in Cyprus in three years, since you walked out of that gig at the Coffee Grounds Cafe. By the way, I agree with you. Commercialism has ruined music. Hunter's Heartis my favorite song off your underground CD. I'm Trish, by the way.

Rusty : Well, you know my name.

Trish : So what can I get you?

Rysty : Singapore Sling.

Trish : Singapore Sling. You are so cool. I'll be right back. Don't go anywhere.

Cappie : Singapore Sling?

Rusty : Well, Chad Stewart spent a summer in Singapore.

Cappie : Far be it for me to question Chad Stewart.

OMEGA CHI HOUSE – Evan’s room

Casey : "A seafood restaurant serves five different entrees on five different nights. If halibut is served only on Tuesdays and Thursdays, then when does the restaurant serve Lobster"? First of all, I'm never eating seafood again. Secondly, am I crazy or are these questions totally pointless? Is anyone thinking of fish when they're defending someone on death row?

Evan : If they're hungry, maybe. No, seriously, the point is testing your reasoning skills. They're what you use to craft your entire argument. You know, and winning arguments is what the law is all about. If you find the right argument, you can win any case. It doesn't matter what the facts are. The truth is beside the point.

Casey : But, in the meantime, I'm still dealing with fish.

Evan : That's true. OK. But I also know that you happen to be a whiz at Sudoku. Remember? I had fight you for it every Sunday morning.

Casey : Yeah? What are you trying to do? Torture me with the various leisure activities I no longer have time to enjoy?

Evan : No, no. I'm trying to point out to you that these logic problems are actually a lot like Sudoku. You line things up and cancel them out until they fit.

Casey : That makes sense.

Evan : Yeah.

Casey : So let's try this again, Sunday morning Sudoku-style.

Evan : Right on. Isn't this strange? I mean, us getting studying for the LSAT together like we always planned?

Casey : No. It doesn't feel strange to me. It feels... great that we can be mature enough to sit here together, studying, as friends. I love this.

Evan : Me, too.

CRU – A bar

Rusty : So there I was, all alone, hiking through the Kanchanaburi province, when I came upon the most

pristine rainbow I've ever seen.

Trish : Wait, is that how you got inspired to write Wet Tuesday That's my second favorite song of yours.

Rusty : No. Actually the, the wetness in the song refers to the tears that I shed after a bad breakup.

Trish : Must've been the worst breakup ever, given the violent imagery in that song. "Singed flesh" and "shattered bones." Yikes!

Rusty : Yeah. Exactly. Gee, you sure know a lot about my music.

Trish : I'm sorry. Am I making you uncomfortable? I know how private you are. I'm just still so amazed you came out of hiding. I'll be right back.

Ashleigh : I say they're back together by spring break. What do you think?

Frannie : I don't think she'd take him back, do you?

Ashleigh : Never thought she'd take him back after he slept with Rebecca. And I never thought she'd hook up with Cappie again. So who knows? But, think about it, this is how they started out freshman year. They were just friends. Before you know it, a friendly hug becomes a friendly kiss becomes here we go again. So... it's not what I'd choose for her, but if it makes her happy...

Frannie : I guess I thought. She was so done with him, nothing he did would make a difference.

Casey : No, I outscored most of those bleeding ulcers because of you. Thank you so much.

Evan : You're the one that took the test. You're gonna make a great lawyer. I, for one, can personally attest to your skills in the argumentative arts.

Casey : Seriously, I owe you one.

Evan : Let's grab dinner, celebrate.

Casey : Yeah, sure, why not?

Evan : All right.

Casey : But only if you let me treat.

KT HOUSE – Living room

Rusty : She's going for it. I tell her I snowboard in the Swiss Alps. So then she invites me to this wild party this weekend.

Pickle : Are you gonna go?

Rusty : Of course I'm gonna go. I can't disappoint my biggest fan.

Ben Bennett : That is awesome. I can't believe she bought you as a 24-year-old musician. We have got to work on our fake ID technique, OK?

Ben Bennett : Sorry, Cap. Rusty was just telling us about the sweet party he's going to this weekend.

Cappie : Is that so? Spitty, you're not actually thinking about going to that party?

Rusty : Trish invited me. I can't stand her up.

Cappie : No, Trish invited Chad Stewart. Not Rusty Cartwright. Playing Chad Stewart over a round of Singapore Slings is one thing, but do you really think you can pull it off for an entire night? Me thinks you're in over your head, wee one.

Rusty : You think I can't handle it?

Cappie : Well... No, I...

Rusty : Hey. Come on. 'Cause I think I can handle myself just fine. In fact, while you've been tied down with one girl all semester, I've been handling myself with various ladies.

Cappie : Handling yourself is perfectly normal and we all do it, but it's not necessarily something you wanna brag about.

Rusty : Very funny. What about Tina?

Cappie : I forgot about Tina. Too bad she turned out to be so... crabby.

Rusty : Hey, I took care of it.

Cappie : I'm not trying to sound like a jerk. I just don't want you to get carried away. Because when a man gets too big for his britches, you know how he ends up, Rusty? Naked. Think about that.

CRU - Street

Ashleigh : I really wanted that wrap. It would've gone perfectly with all of my new bathing suits. What kind of thrift store doesn't take credit cards that way?

Calvin : A thrift store that only takes cash. And didn't you already buy some sort of wrap?

Ashleigh : I can return that. And this is vintage.

Calvin : Do I need to do a credit-card intervention on you?

Ashleigh : I need all this stuff for spring break. When I get back, I'll get more allowance and I'll be able to pay it all off, without a cent of interest. Do you see how carefully I've thought this out?

Calvin : Yeah, but your careful thinking seems to have found its limit.

Ashleigh : Unless... I give up "careful" thinking and go for more... "outside the box" thinking. You said you needed a new flash drive. They sell those at the campus store, which takes credit cards. See where I'm going with this?

Calvin : Yeah, I give you the cash, and you charge the flash.

Ashleigh : And we have a plan. Just this once. Please, please, please.

Calvin : All right, all right. Why do I feel like Michael Jackson's plastic surgeon?

Rusty : What are those?

Casey : Books. You, of all people, should recognize them.

Rusty : So you were serious about that law school thing? I thought you were trying to get Mom off your back.

Casey : No, that was just a happy byproduct. Rusty, hello. Law school has been my plan since freshman year.

Rusty : Really? What kind of law?

Casey : I'll worry about that after I get through my LSAT class. Which, by the way, I am kicking ass in. I have to go meet Evan for dinner.

Rusty : No, Evan isn't capable of being a decent friend. There's always a catch with him. He's sneaky and manipulative, and you cannot trust him. Case, he's gonna take you to some swanky, romantic restaurant and try and lure you back. It's like he's the Kanchanaburi pit vipe of Thailand, and you're his juicy little field mouse.

Casey : You haven't let Cappie make you brownies, have you? And there's no way that's what Evan's thinking. What's with the jacket? You look like you're 12.

Rusty : Really?

Casey : Yeah, really. See ya later, Rust.

Rusty : Don't be his field mouse, Casey.

CRU - Restaurant

Casey : This is the kind of place I was in the mood for. I'm glad you suggested it.

Evan : Me, too. Hey. I hope you're in the mood for this, too.

Casey : You're not gonna give me a mock-LSAT over dinner, are you? What's this for?

Evan : Well, it just so happens that my dad's old buddy is the dean of admissions at Harvard. And it just so happens that this old buddy is in Cyprus for some conference.

Casey : That's a lot of just-so-happening.

Evan : But the biggest happening of all, I got you a sit-down with him. Sunday afternoon.

Trish : My sister Jill is getting married today, and she's an even bigger fan of yours than I am, believe it or not. I'm sorry to ambush you like this. But I knew you'd say no if I asked in advance. But, well, our dad died last year, and it was your music that got Jill through that terrible time. And I promised her you'd do it. Well, since my dad couldn't be here to walk Jill down the aisle, maybe Hunter's Heartcan.

Man : Maybe she came to her senses and decided to call it off. She didn't want to marry him! She shouldn't.

The Groom : Are you kidding me, Jill? You're flaking? That is it! I am SO sick of you and your drama-queen games!

The Bride : You're calling me a drama queen? I have just one word for you, Pete: Phoenix.

The Groom : You would bring that up!

Rusty : Let's go.

Dale : I hope you've learned a lesson about the wages of sin...

Rusty : Shut up, Dale!

DOBLERS

Frannie : Thanks for making it quick. My friend's having a crisis. Here you go.

Ashleigh : I'm so pathetic. I can't even pay for my own beer.

Frannie : So you overdid on the whole consumerism thing. It happens. This is America. Don't fret.

Ashleigh : I can't believe I bought all that stuff. I kept getting this crazed feeling like if I didn't grab what I wanted right away, that someone else would.

Frannie : I know what you mean. Hey, isn't that that Lambda Sig who stood up Casey? What's his name, Shane?

Ashleigh : What a dirtbag. Look at him over there, laughing all slimily.

Frannie : That whole thing was so weird. Wasn't it? He seemed so into her.

Ashleigh : I know!

Frannie : I mean, if I were Casey, I'd be dying to know what made him do that, wouldn't you? He shouldn't be allowed to get away with dissing her like that.

Ashleigh : You're right.

Frannie : I'm sick of guys treating girls like crap and never get called out on it.

Ashleigh : Me too. I wish I could just go over there and tell him off right here and now.

Frannie : You should.

Ashleigh : Really?

Frannie : Yeah. Do it!

Ashleigh : Hey, you!

Shane : Yes? Can I help you?

Ashleigh : You sure can. You can start by explaing to me who you think you are, blowing off Casey Cartwright?

Shane : You seem a little drunk, so...

Ashleigh : Well, you seem a little bit like a loser. Like one of those guys who has to treat girls badly to feel like a real man.

Man : If you want to lecture someone about treating girls badly, talk to Evan, not my bro here.

Shane : Steve!

Ashleigh : Stop trying to change the subject. Evan is a really good friend of Casey's now.

Shane : Look... Evan is no friend of Casey's.

Ashleigh : What do you mean?

OMEGA CHI HOUSE – Evan’s room

Evan : Hold on. Hold on five seconds. Casey. What's wrong?

Casey : Did you pay Shane Mullen to stay away from me?

Evan : What are you talking about?

Casey : I'm talking about you paying someone a thousand dollars to stand me up and humiliate me.

Evan : That is crazy. Who told you that?

Casey : Shane told Ashleigh at Dobler's.

Evan : And you believe him over me?

Casey : Why would he make that up?

Evan : 'Cause he's a jerk. To excuse bad behavior.

Casey : So you didn't pay him off?

Evan : Look, you need to forget about him. You've got an interview to prepare for.

Casey : You're not denying it. Just give me a straight answer, Evan.

Evan : Yes.

Casey : Who does that? You dumped me. You don't want to be with me, but you don't want anyone else to either? How could you be so spiteful?

Evan : I didn't do it to be spiteful.

Casey : Then why?

Evan : Because I love you.

Casey : After everything we've been through? Did you really think this is how you could win me back? Because that's not love.

Evan : I was desperate.

Casey : People who love each other shouldn't manipulate each other. This needs to stop. The things we keep doing to each other need to stop.

Evan : I just don't want you to hate me.

Casey : I don't hate you. I feel... sad for you. And for me, because I really thought we were friends. And now... I think, you should, I don't know, take some time, get your head together.

Evan : My head is perfectly together.

Casey : I didn't mean...

Evan : No, no, no. I got it. You think I'm pathetic.

Casey : Evan.

Evan : I think we're done here.

ZBZ HOUSE – Ashleigh & Casey’ room

Ashleigh : I hope I can work this out. I really need to buy Casey a pick-me-up present. My God! I've been on hold for so long this techno version of to Joy is starting to sound catchy.

Calvin : You could always just return everything instead. I mean, Ashleigh. Do you really need this tankini?

Ashleigh : First, I love that you know the term tankini. And second, yes.

Calvin : Ashleigh.

Ashleigh : What? I'm gonna work out a payment plan, and everything will be fine. Hello! Yes! So I spent a little more than I planned, and my card was declined, so I just... Really? You can? That's great! Thank you!

Calvin : That was quick. Did they you on a payment plan?

Ashleigh : Nope, they upped my credit limit.

ZBZ HOUSE - Kitchen

Frannie : Hey, what are you doing?

Casey : Learning how to take a pair of leather jodhpurs from runway to reality.

Frannie : Who cares about Evan's taint? Yes, he did something creepy, and I totally support you wanting to stay miles away from him. But this Harvard meeting is about your life, not his.

CRU - Interview

Man : You seem to have a good head on your shoulders. I'd say if your scores keep improving, and you fill your resume out a bit, you've got a good shot. So do you have any more questions for me?

Casey : No, I think that's it. You've been very helpful. I'm so glad we did this.

Man : All right. Then I have a question for you. Let's assume you get in... to Harvard, or someplace else. That's just the beginning. I want to know what it is about the law that's exciting to you. Why do you, Casey Cartwright, want to be a lawyer?

Dale : Yeah. Sure. You guys go ahead. I... I was actually gonna head out, go to the gym for a little bit. Been working out, you know, just for me. You know, for summer.

Casey : Those space pajamas don't look sweat-proof.

Rusty : So why are you here?

Casey : No one else will understand this. You're the only person I could think of who's known what they want to do with the rest of your life since they were in diapers.

Rusty : It was actually pre-school. We made these pinhole cameras, checking out a solar eclipse, and I had this kind of "a-ha" moment. Which you probably had about law school sometime, too, right?

Casey : Except that it wasn't my "a-ha" moment. It was Evan's.

Rusty : I don't get it.

Casey : Being Miss "A-ha-Less," it was easier to follow Evan's path. So easy that, after a while, I forgot I was following anyone at all. Unfortunately, I didn't figure that out until the Harvard dean of admissions asked me why I want to be a lawyer, and I had to say, "Because of my ex-boyfriend."

Rusty : Well, if there's one thing that I've learned, it's that living someone else's life is never a good idea.

Casey : Everyone in that LSAT class knew exactly what they wanted, from where they would go to law school to what kind of lawyer they would be. And it turns out, I know exactly what I want, too. I know what kind of law I want to practice. None.

Rusty : So what now?

Casey : Now... we do not mope. We go back to ZBZ, make slice-and-bake cookies and eat the whole pan. Are you in?