Monday, July 28, 2008

So this is what you are reduced to, randall. This, a pathetic excuse not only for a comic but for drawing - four and a half disgusting panels, featuring the charred remains of a once-great character, featuring no text, no story, no joke, obviously, no reason to care, and most importantly, no reason for me to not punch you in the face.

I thought we had it bad with this piece of shit:

At least that was part of a broader storyline, even if it was a lame one. At least you knew what was happening - a dude was sitting there and he was depressed, probably because he applied to transfer to Dinosaur Comics or something and they rejected him, so he was stuck in this xkcdump.

Do I really need to go into this comic? Aren't its thousands of flaws painfully obvious? I suppose I must. I'll be brief.

Formerly hilarious but now lame Mr. Hat, known for his distinctive black hat (since he is no longer known for sarcasm and creative bitterness), is walking along (apparently, though there's precious little implies movement) and he sees a guy awkwardly wearing two black hats. HOLY SHIT DID YOU JUST BLOW MY MIND? I THINK MAYBE YOU JUST DID. Then he backs up or is blown away or something. fin.

wow, genius! The guy...he has two hats! HEIGHTS OF HILARITY, RIGHT HERE.

Needless to say, the dipshit cocksuckers at the xkcd forums are jizzing their pants at the sheer brilliance of this comic strip. There've been 130 comments in less than a day.

There are all manner of "crazy theories" about whether the second guy is wearing two hats OR IS HE WEARING A HAT WHICH IS WEARING ITS OWN HAT??? you don't know! IS IT ANOTHER DUDE WITH A BLACK HAT OR IS IT MRS. HAT WITH HER HAIR SHAPED LIKE A HAT??? you don't know! OR MAYBE MR. HAT IS THE ONE WEARING TWO HATS. YOU DIDN'T THINK OF THAT, EH? you don't know! THAT IS THE GENIUS OF THIS COMIC. MAYBE THOSE LINES ARE MR. HAT'S MAGNETIC FIELD AS HE PREPARES TO DECIMATE HIS FOE? you don't know!

any of those could be true! this is the crazy sort of adventure that superhuman comic hero and second coming of christ himself randall munroe thinks of!

NO.

There is a simpler explanation.

the comic sucks.

that is all.

relax people.

it's just a super, super lame comic.

Who knows, it could be some prologue to a better story to come. Or it could be followed by a comic that says "Monday's comic was intentionally lame. If you laughed, you are an idiot; please leave my website." But somehow I doubt it. I hope to god I am wrong.

Why won't people admit it? After a very good run, Randall Munroe can no longer think of three funny ideas every week. So he's doing artsy bullcrap. It's ok to like it. But call it what it is: artsy bullcrap. Not a comic. You aren't fooling anyone.

I'm going to go drink heavily now.

And probably shoot myself.

Posted by
Carl

56 comments:

Mmmm...sweet, deserved hatred. This blog is becoming the perfect complement to reading xkcd - when I like the comic, you tend to pick at its details, and when I hate it, you validate my elitist (or in this case, common-sense) disapproval.

Artsy, though? You already said Munroe's "not fooling anyone," so it can't be artsy. Judging by the havoc of laughs in the forums, I'd call this one bottom-feeding. Panel 5: "My schedule's been tossed up by a 72-hour orgy, please accept this non-punchline cocnerning hats."

"One panel from funny" is an intriguing idea as well as a good name. I may very well start this soon.

The new shirt post has been done. I put much more effort into it than I was expecting.

How many of you people are...well I don't want to be too obvious but how many of you know both me and ethan? Are you all people I know in real life and only ethan is using his real name? That would be funny actually.

I thought the hat was used as a symbol of Mr. Hats sarcasm and etc, and when he met a guy with two hats, this indicated that the other guy was twice as "bad" as original Mr. Hat. It's not superfunny, but it didn't make me cry either.

Um not to white-knight but seriously? You're bitching at Carl for bitching about a shitty webcomic? And calling him obsessed when you keep checking back for replies so you can argue with someone over the internet?

Of course, you retreat to your obvious tactic, condescension. But since that's the best you can provide... go ahead, keep looking like an ass?

Okay, I agree this comic isn't all that hilarious, but I think you've misinterpreted it. It's a joke making fun of the comic itself. See, in xkcd comics, the only way to differentiate people is by their headgear. You've got the long hair, which marks the bearer as female, the beret, which marks the wearer a pastry-obsessed existentialist, and then you've got the black hat, which marks the wearer as a sadistic sociopath. So when our beloved Black Hat Man comes across someone with two black hats, the only explanation is that he is twice as sadistic. This is reinforced by the fact that the black hat man, who fears nothing and boasts superiority to all, actually backs away.

The idea here is that he can tell that the two-hat guy is doubly evil, just because he is wearing two hats. It's an xkcd-specific version of the old joke where a TV character knows and comments on the fact that a goetee always identifies an evil person. It's a tired joke, and deserves ridicule... but you bashed it for some other reason.

Who are you supposed to be, and why are you supposedly important enough to have an opinion? What does your opinion matter? Who cares if a comic doesn't meet your standards? Who cares if it sucks? Do you want some kind of award? Do you need to feel special?

Blogs that criticize unimportant facets of life are just that... unimportant. That's great that you've put so much time and energy complaining about that useless comic, but couldn't you have done something more important with your time? Maybe tried doing something that mattered?

i'm an angry young man;I am not important but i like to put my words online, if you don't like it I suggest you leave this internet and get your own because this is how we do things; my opinion makes those who agree with me feel better about themselves; everyone cares if a comic doesn't meet my standards; likewise, everyone cares if it sucks; i don't want an award but if you want to send me some money that would be nice; i already feel special; I have nothing else that you are aware of to with my time; this is something that matters.

Also I just want to point out that usually I am here not in spite of having something better to do but BECAUSE I have something better to do. I am procrastinating and there is no better way to do that than complaining about something on the internet.

You know, I think theres something deeper to the comic. Lets take a look at it again. Hat guy walks in. Finds another guy with 2 hats. Then, initial hat guy walks away. While one would think that guy with 2 hats is twice as sadistic as him, I personally thought that someone was collecting hats, not only marking oneself as a double sadist but a hat "collector".Thats what came to mind...That and thinking that Carl was someone that like me has too much time on their hands to comment on a comic (or a hate-blog for the aforementioned comic), to hate something without much reason. Theres no real reason to hate xkcd.

Also I would like to accept (in a preemptive move) all your future blame on me being a commenter hater, since I dont care about it, even if that means retreating into a predictable( and completely paranoid) defense that would make no sense if no one answered to this.Thus. I have auto-owned myself with my previous statements with the reason that it would spare you the trouble of not needing to answer me. However, because this is the internet it is inevitable someone someday will inevitably answer, most likely with a "wtf" or "random paranoid post is random".There. Ive spared everyone the trouble of replying to me--oh wait I just cancelled that out because I JUST mentioned that someone WILL answer back... screw this ill probably forget I posted this.

yes but if your comic determined peoples personality by their shirt it would make sense, mr hat is mr hat because of his hat so someone with two hats would be as evil as two mr hats. though i think it would have plans if mr hat put is arm around double hat and walked saying something like "we have much to discuss"

This has been explained to you multiple times, the first of which you admitted to understanding on April 6 of this year. Why do you keep repeating that it doesn't make sense? You are intentionally ignoring obvious steps in the argument. Yes, normally a mean person wearing a shirt is not automatically outdone by a person wearing two shirts, but when their personalities are literally identified and distinguished by their shirts, it becomes a clear logical step. Yet, you continually argue that it's nonsense. If you have a problem with it being stupid, that's one thing, and you're entitled to your opinion. It's another thing entirely if you're trying to argue that it doesn't make logical sense. Find your logical ground and hold it, don't keep changing your argument when people point out its obvious flaws.

Wait, I did that! I said "but that is so damn stupid." Meaning, Yes. you are right. There is a certain logic to the more hats = more evil theory. BUT - I rejected it at first because it was SO STUPID. I no longer reject; I merely bask in the astounding glow of its stupidity.

Carl, the way I see it, it's not extraordinarily rage worthy; it's just more par-for-the-course poor execution.

The double hat is inherently funny to some degree because it is ridiculous looking (yes, I daresay it is), but importantly because it's meta-referential to the conceit of using an item of clothing to symbolize a character, and thus their personality. In a way, he's (potentially) making fun of his own comic. Lightheartedly, of course. No serious digs.

That said, the _real_ problem comes with the punchline. He doesn't have one. The "backing away" thing is immature, awkward humor, and it's vague. It also fails to play off our expectations, being a simple reassertion of what we've already (sort of) observed in frames 3 and 4.

In conclusion, I've attached a link to a refactoring of this joke, with my edits and humor philosophy applied. I hope you do enjoy.

Maybe it was just a guy walking, saw a guy wearing two hats, thought he was too weird, (which is funny compared to all the stuff he says), and just backed away. I dont know. It made me laugh. Because its weird. Its also pretty funny that people argued about it for like a year.

So.. Uh...Naw.Not really up for interpretation this one.Hat guy's takin' a walk.Boom.Another man. Well, that's fine. He does not have a single hat on his head and Hat guy does not have to respect hi-....Is that two hats?But...But...Hat guy is special? Black Hat is SOOO his thing...He has two...He... He is more powerful...*Glance side to side**Back away slowly*~You never do that? Walk into somebody, it becomes awkward, and you just kind of back away?

I choose to make up my own story for this comic to make it more interesting: The one on the left was a famous serial killer who steals the hats of the people he kills, and the one on the right recognizes him and backs away slowly. Yes, I know it's ridiculous, but it makes more sense than the comic. I make up plots for all the comics that don't make sense.

What the hell is this?

Welcome. This is a website called XKCD SUCKS which is about the webcomic xkcd and why we think it sucks. My name is Carl and I used to write about it all the time, then I stopped because I went insane, and now other people write about it all the time. I forget their names. The posts still seem to be coming regularly, but many of the structural elements - like all the stuff in this lefthand pane - are a bit outdated. What can I say? Insane, etc.

I started this site because it had been clear to me for a while that xkcd is no longer a great webcomic (though it once was). Alas, many of its fans are too caught up in the faux-nerd culture that xkcd is a part of, and can't bring themselves to admit that the comic, at this point, is terrible. While I still like a new comic on occasion, I feel that more and more of them need the Iron Finger of Mockery knowingly pointed at them. This used to be called "XKCD: Overrated", but then it fell from just being overrated to being just horrible. Thus, xkcd sucks.

Here is a comic about me that Ann made. It is my favorite thing in the world.

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