Don’t say her name

There are so many ways to cut someone down. There is an art to cutting someone down. When it’s done right, it is a beautiful thing. And then we have Karl Lagerfeld. Who is a legend for creating beautiful things and now, in recent years, for saying many beautiful cutting things.

Karl spoke to The Sun in the UK; the subject was British girls, in particular the Middletons:

“Kate Middleton has a nice silhouette and she is the right girl for that boy. I like that kind of woman, I like romantic beauties. On the other hand, her sister struggles. I don't like the sister's face. She should only show her back."

I mean...

There’s just so much here.

Referring to Prince William, the future king of England, as “that boy” is pure crazy. Referring to Pippa Middleton as “the sister” is even better. It’s like Kanye West’s girlfriend - some people just don’t get a name. Needless to say, in Karl’s estimation, Pippa, like Kanye West’s girlfriend, best known for her ass, doesn’t get a name. Uncalled for? Sure. But then.... “she struggles”.

There’s truth to that, non? “She struggles” suggests the presence of contrivance. And for those of you who’ve been watching Pippa, you know he’s not totally wrong here. Pippa WANTS. Pippa TRIES. Pippa PRETENDS. But for all her efforts... Pippa... “she struggles”. And this is where Karl is so gloriously, cleverly cruel. He’s patting her on the head: “oh poppet, give up now”. An effective Mean Girl can always identify your weak spots.

Hilariously though, if Try is Pippa's sin, Karl doesn't seem to mind it in Posh. Evidently, Victoria Beckham who has wanted, tried, and pretended harder than almost everyone else, meets with Karl's approval. After all, he did just photograph her. And they both have the same approach to food: total avoidance.

"She is great. I like her a lot. I have known her for many years. And that body, after four children. There are not so many who have a body like that. She is very disciplined. (We have) the same eating habits."

I knew a couple once like this. They'd encourage each other to be thin. They'd save a few pieces of broccoli for each other at the end of the day, maybe a slice of low fat turkey, and then compliment themselves for their discipline, feeling superior.

That's like the civilian version of Karl and Posh's Hate Food Campaign. I imagine both would be more insulted if you offered them a french fry than if you were to call them insufferable c-nts.