What I know about men

I like naughty boys. I was married to David Bailey, who was one of the naughtiest. I like real men and I like masculinity.

The first time I was aroused was when I met Marlon Brando. I was nine or 10 years old. Brando's best friend was very close to my father and I remember sitting on his lap. He said, 'Hello cutie', and I had a feeling I'd never had sitting on my father's lap. He was absolutely gorgeous and it made me aware of feelings I didn't know were there. I had boyfriends early and I still like men but as I've got older I've come to know what I like and I've realised I like them very masculine. I'm not a pretty-boy kind of a girl; the Brad Pitts don't do anything for me. I like men that are bigger than me. I like to be engulfed. Bailey isn't taller than me but he was bigger, his size and his personality were overwhelming and I like feeling like that. I'm 55 and the great thing about being my age is that I feel I really know what I want.

Do I believe in monogamy? Yes and no. It's a great thing that works for a great many people but I think there is a way of being with someone and allowing them to experiment. I think it's very rare but it's achievable with a certain kind of person. I don't want a long-term relationship - I am selfish in that I want to live in my own place - but I would like a connection.

Sex wasn't something that I'd say I was particularly interested in when I was younger, I just saw it as part of what happened in a relationship. Today it's part of what I pursue. I feel I have more power now, which is obviously very intoxicating.

The problem with being a strong woman is that you can sometimes emasculate men. Men are intimidated by me: I very rarely get asked out. Most of the men who do hit on me are younger and I don't want to go out with someone younger. But unfortunately the last person men my age want to date is someone in her fifties, they want beautiful 20- or 30-year-olds.

So it's tricky. There's lots of guys I fancy, but I can't take it further because it would be a waste of time. I'm spoilt as well. I've lived a certain kind of life, and I hate to say this but I couldn't go out with a dustman. I wouldn't know what to talk about. Yes, it's arrogant but I have to go out with someone who has some knowledge of how I've lived. I'm not saying they have to be a celebrity but they have to have had a level of excellence because I'm a high achiever. I have gone out with a lot of famous people - I dated the likes of Eric Clapton and Warren Beatty, although I never screwed Warren.

I don't like all this 'let's-be-friends' stuff. The only person that I've ever had a sexual relationship with that I'm still involved with is Bailey. I know the only reason for that is that I married him very young and his family became my family, mine became his, and I know his children and his wife intimately. I can be friends with men if I haven't had a relationship with them but I don't like carrying it on once it's over. Marco Pierre White was a boyfriend, well, he was a lover, and occasionally I see him and it's fine but we don't hang out. What on earth would we talk about? We were lovers not friends. It's one or the other.

I genuinely have to work - I don't have enough money not to. But the last thing I would want is to be looked after. It drives my dad mad. He's now 85, and he says to me, 'You have worked all your f***ing life, why not let someone look after you?' But I'm a feminist and I'd rather do anything than be with someone because they are looking after me.

• Marie Helvin: The Autobiography is published in paperback by Phoenix, £8.99

Sign up for the Guardian Today

Our editors' picks for the day's top news and commentary delivered to your inbox each morning.