our memories • jikook

this was for the jkc schoolboys challenge...but I really connected with this story. it’s one of my favorites that I’ve written, ever. I feel like I portrayed the emotions of loss, betrayal, and more, very well here. I hope you enjoy.

our memories

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Typically, high school reunions were ten years after graduation, and then they occurred every five years. That’s how people usually did it, anyways. At least, that’s how some people did it...

But when it came to my high school reunion, I think the planner was a little too excited. He wanted to do it five years after we graduated—instead of the traditional ten years. I mean, what did I expect, voting for Kim Seokjin to be the organizer? He was one of my best friends, but not really into following the rules. He liked to do things his own way. I had always loved that about him.

I couldn’t blame him for wanting everyone to be together sooner. We had all gone off to do our own things, and the group hadn’t seen each other since high school. Namjoon. Seokjin. Yoongi. Hoseok. Taehyung. Me. And then...

I had hoped to have at least ten years between me and him.

But, it appeared I would be seeing Park Jimin a little sooner than I bargained for.

I felt a smile tugging at my own mouth, and held my arms out, welcoming him. He jumped into them, and I felt the breath whoosh out as he crushed me with his hug.

“Jung Hoseok, it’s been five years, how do you look the same as you did in high school?” I laughed, pulling away. He shrugged, seemingly not mad at the fact that I called him by his name, instead of hyung.

And that wasn’t even me being nice, it was the truth. He looked the exact same. Better, even. I swear, our whole group had some sort of youthfulness thing going on.

He was the only person standing outside the gym to our old high school, where the reunion was being held. I could hear loud voices and music inside the gym, and I could feel my pulse speeding up.

He was inside.

“You there, Kook?”

Hoseok was staring at me, a confused expression on his face. I snapped out of my thoughts, and put on a smile.

“Yeah, I’m here. Just...thinking. It’s so good to see you, hyung.”

He nodded, a knowing smile on his face. “It’s good to see you too. I missed you, Kook. I was actually out here looking for you.”

“Yeah, sorry. Got a bit held up by traffic. I’m here now, though. I’m excited to see everyone.”

Hoseok turned to open the door, but paused. He turned back around, and I swallowed, seeing the grim expression on his face.

“Jungkook. You know...you know he’s here, right? He’s here with…”

I held up my hand.

“I know. I know, Hobi. I can’t go on any social media without seeing it. Don’t worry about me.” I plastered on a fake smile, and motioned for him to open the door. “Let’s go in.”

Yeah. I knew that he was going to be here, and I knew who he was with. I had known for a long time. It wasn’t something I had ignored, just...tried not to focus on it so much. This was a special night. A special night to see all the people I cared about again.

I wasn’t going to let my own emotions ruin it.

Hoseok gave me one last look, and I could almost see pity in his eyes, but he opened the looming door to the gym anyways. He walked in, and I followed, close behind him.

I took a deep breath with every step.

There was music playing loudly, unidentifiable, but definitely from the 90’s. The entire gym was decorated with balloons, streamers, lights that shined too brightly. There was a table stocked with food everywhere you turned, and a swarm of people with it.

Definitely Seokjin.

“Hobi! You found him!”

I turned, just in time to see Seokjin’s face, as his arms enveloped me.

“Hyung! I can’t breathe,” I choked, trying to escape his grasp.

Seokjin laughed, and pulled away. There was a twinkle in his eyes. I grinned at him, stupidly happy, and froze as I noticed the people behind him. My friends. Namjoon. Yoongi. Taehyung.

“Jungkook!”

They all jumped on me, and suddenly we were kids again, laughing and smiling without a care in the world. Hiding in the janitor closet during math class, whispering warnings as the janitor walked by. Passing notes in class, feigning ignorance when the teacher caught us. Sitting in the cafeteria, all crammed into a small table in the corner, trading our food.

Memories.

“Kook, when did you get so tall?” Yoongi peered at me, stepping away from the group hug.

Taehyung backed away from the duo nervously, but still offered me a nostalgic smile. It reminded us of our school days, back when Namjoon and Yoongi would be stuck in their own world, bickering. For the two calmest people in the group, they would always find something to fight about.

I nodded, attempting to keep my expression neutral. I wasn’t going to look over at the table. I wasn’t going to show them that it upset me. I would never ruin this, not after we had waited for so long.

“It’s okay,” I said, voice calm. “I just wanted to know, so I wouldn’t have to run into him.”

“No,” Yoongi replied.

I stared at him. “No?”

“You have to talk to him, Kook. You have to sort things out. This...you can’t keep dancing around it. Fix it.” Yoongi’s voice wasn’t harsh, but firm. He meant it.

“He’s right,” Seokjin agreed. He looked over at the drinks table, an unreadable expression on his face.

Resisting the urge to follow his line of gaze, I shook my head profusely. There was no way on earth that I was going to talk to him. For the last five years, I had avoided him, and I wasn’t going to stop now.

“Nope. No way.”

Seokjin rolled his eyes, and called, “Jimin! Get over here!”

My eyes widened in shock, and I spluttered, “Seokjin, what the hell? No, why would you-”

“Yeah? What is it? Oh.”

Jimin stopped next to Seokjin, and the group scattered. Jimin’s smile fell, as his eyes moved from Seokjin, to me. There were a million emotions in his eyes, and I couldn’t read a single one.

His hair, once black, was now a subtle shade of mocha. His clothes were black, stylish, but casual. Completely different from the school uniform I remembered him so fondly in. His face was different...more sculpted than I remembered. Of course, it had been five years.

Five years without his touch.

“Jungkook. It’s...so good to see you again.” Jimin smiled tightly, and after a moment of hesitation, offered his hand.

I stared at it.

A second passed.

Three seconds.

Jimin pulled his hand back, his smile faltering. Seokjin coughed, and eyed me meaningfully. Just as quickly as he had called Jimin over, he slipped away into the crowd. Leaving me and Jimin…

Alone.

“Well,” Jimin said, looking around nervously, undoubtedly searching for the others. “How have you been?”

I was tongue-tied, I couldn’t make myself speak. He was here, right in front of me, after five years of pretending I didn’t exist. It was...it was impossible to think straight.

“I’m great,” I finally replied, my voice uncertain. It took all my strength to not betray any emotion with it.

Jimin nodded, his smile returning. But, I knew him. I knew when his smile was fake.

This was one of those fake smiles.

“So, did you-”

Jimin was cut off by a figure clad in gaudy red, swishing next to him, laying her manicured nails across his arm.

“Jimin, why did you run off?” Her voice was sweet. Her black hair hid her face, but I still knew who she was.

I could never hate her. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t do it. She was too kind. Too genuine.

She turned to me, recognition dawning on her face. “Jungkook, I’m surprised you came.” Her eyebrows rose, but she smiled.

I smiled, avoiding the urge to grit my teeth. “Miyeong. It’s been so long.”

Jimin coughed, bringing attention to the tension in the air. You could cut it with a knife. And yet, it was my fault.

“Is business going well?” Her grip on Jimin’s arm loosened, but she stayed close to him.

Protecting her territory.

I couldn’t blame her.

“It’s been fine, my father is training me to move up in the company,” I replied, tone polite.

Miyeong looked between us, and I could see the worry in her eyes. Despite that, she stepped back. Eyed me.

An olive branch.

She was allowing us to talk.

“I’m going to get a drink, I’ll be back soon love.” She swished away, going just as gracefully as she came.

The silence was thick. I had to swallow back all the memories threatening to spill in, as I stood alone with him.

“Things with Miyeong seem to be going well,” I commented, attempting to patch up the awkward silence.

Jimin nodded quickly, a wistful smile on his face.

“Our sixth anniversary is coming up soon.”

I blinked.

“What?”

That’s not possible, they met six years ago, they couldn’t have been married for six years.

Jimin furrowed his brow. “We’ve been dating for six years.”

Oh.

They...never got married? But, I was sure they would have...they always talked about it. Everyone thought they would as soon as possible, once they got out of high school.

But, they didn’t. It was most likely...because Jimin was never one to chase after people.

“Oh. Congratulations.” I shrugged off my confusion, not wanting to think about it anymore.

Jimin tilted his head to the side. “Thanks.”

Ah.

Memories.

As soon as he did that, a strong memory overcame me like a tidal wave. Jimin, sitting on a bench outside of school, me beside him. The first day we met. He sat down with me, and dropped his pen. I picked it up for him. He tilted his head, and said, ‘thanks.’

He used to do it all the time. Never for anyone else, just for me. The memory was so incredibly vivid, I could still remember the wind blowing through the trees on that day.

Most people despise high school, but…

My best memories happened there.

<><><><><><><><><><><><>

“Hey, Kook!”

Jimin plopped down in the seat next to me in homeroom, his face lighting up with a smile.

“Jimin, you’re late,” I teased, gently pushing his shoulder.

He groaned, and laid his head down on his desk, facing me. “I know, I know.”

I smiled, observing the way his dark hair fell across his face in sleek cascades. His full lips pushed out in a pout, and his eyes crinkled upon seeing my smile. He smiled back, his pout curling into a sparkling grin.

Why was he so perfect?

“Did you get your homework done?” He asked, lifting his head off the desk.

Now, it was my turn to groan. “No. What kind of homework is ‘describe yourself in today’s standards,’ anyways?” I frowned.

Jimin shrugged. “I don’t know. I thought it was cool.”

I pulled my water bottle out of my backpack, noticing that class had started four minutes ago, and the teacher hadn’t arrived. “What did you write, then?”

Jimin turned red, glancing away. “It’s kind of personal.”

I peered at him. “Jimin, we’re best friends. There’s not much I don’t know about you.”

“Okay, okay. I talked about my appearance in today's standards, and how they pressure me to be perfect.” Jimin avoided my gaze, waiting for my response.

I blinked.

“Jimin?”

“Yeah, Kook?”

“You are perfect.”

He looked at me. Tilted his head.

“Thanks.”

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“Jungkook.”

I shook the memory from my mind, focusing on Jimin’s serious gaze.

“I missed you.”

I studied him, and my eyes widened, not because of what he said...but, because of the tears gathering in his starry eyes. He was holding them back, but I could see the drops in his thick lashes, threatening to spill, threatening to betray his emotions.

“Why did you leave me? Why do you hate me?” Jimin’s words were frustrated, and a tear rolled down his cheek.

I stepped back, shocked by his sudden change in demeanor. He was hurt. He was hurting, because of me. Because of a lie I had told him so long ago, simply to protect myself. To protect my own heart. I was so selfish back then.

“For whatever I did, I’m sorry.” Jimin’s breath was coming in short gasps, and I could see him wringing his hands. It made my heart ache. I hated seeing him like this, hated seeing him in pain.

It was my fault.

“Jimin, please…”

He reached for my hand. I yanked it away.

“Why, Kook? What did I do?”

His tone was regretful.

I felt my own eyes well with tears, and I knew I couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t lie to him, lie to everyone. Pretend that everything was okay, when really, I was broken inside. Because of what he chose…

Because of who he chose.

I took a deep breath.

No more lies.

“I loved you, Jimin. I was your best friend, and I loved you...in a different way.” I trained my gaze on the floor, and my heart was beating a million miles per hour. Did I really just say that?

“You...you loved me?”

<><><><><><><><><><><><>

One week until graduation, the saddest week of my life. It was almost time to say goodbye to everything, to all the memories, to all my friends. We had all chosen different paths in life. We didn’t blame each other. We just...couldn’t bear to see each other go.

I was sitting at our usual cafeteria table, surrounded by all my friends. Of course, Jimin was late again. He always was. I loved that about him.

“Guys, I have something to tell you!”

I jumped, surprised at the sudden outburst. Jimin was standing by our table, along with a girl. I started to smile at him, but instantly, my smile fell. I had seen her before, but something was wrong. Not with her...but something else.

They were holding hands.

Jimin grinned, gesturing to her. “This is my girlfriend, Miyeong.”

The group cheered, clapped and congratulated them. Asked how Jimin had kept her a secret. They were happy. They were excited.

Girlfriend?

They didn’t notice me. They didn’t notice the look on my face, or the way my hands shook. It was something so little, so meaningless. And yet...it broke me. On that day, because of five simple words, I became broken.

Not because we were best friends. Not because I was jealous. Not because I disliked her, or them together, or anything typical that a person would expect. Nothing that came from someone who had no right to be broken.

It was because I loved him.

More than anything.

And he broke my heart.

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“Jungkook, why have you been avoiding me?”

Jimin stood by my locker, his face lined with concern. It was just us in the deserted school hallway, long after school had ended. I didn’t know why I was still here. Maybe it was because...of all the graduation talk. What couples would get married after.

One in particular, was one I couldn’t bear to imagine.

I shrugged, trying to appear nonchalant. “I’ve been busy.”

“Liar.”

I whirled in surprise at Jimin’s harsh response, and was even more surprised at the coldness in his eyes. He wasn’t usually like this. He was usually all smiles, not a frown in sight. This was...different.

“Don’t lie to me, Jungkook. You haven’t said a word to me in three days. Everytime I wave, you look away. And most of all, you haven’t answered any of my texts or calls. What’s wrong?”

I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t handle this, handle all this pain. It was too hard. Too hard to love him, and to keep it inside. Hidden away from everyone, even from myself. It was breaking me apart, more and more, every single day.

I had to end this.

I had to stop this pain.

“Leave me alone, Jimin.”

My voice was cold.

Unforgiving.

Jimin’s eyes widened. The previous anger was gone, and it was replaced with hurt. My heart strained, hating to see the hurt in his eyes.

But, he had hurt me long enough.

“Kook,” he whispered, reaching out to me. “What did I do? Please, tell me. I’m sorry.”

I swatted his hand away, stepping out of his reach. His eyes filled with tears.

No, I’m sorry.

“Park Jimin, don’t ever come near me again.”

“What?”

His voice was small. Broken.

I didn’t want to hurt you, Jimin. I never wanted to hurt you, the way you hurt me. But...a human can only pretend to be okay for so long. They can only smile for so long, before their smile causes them to break down.

“I hate you.”

Before I could see his expression, I walked away.

I lied.

I hate myself.

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His eyes were wide with disbelief, and he shook his head slowly.

“You loved me. You loved me, and I chose…”

“Her,” I finished. My voice was flat.

He stared at me, and I could tell that a million thoughts were going through his head. He was processing it, imagining it, understanding it. Wondering how, after all these years, I was finally able to tell him.

“Kook, I don’t-”

I held up my hand.

I ended this five years ago.

I allowed myself time to hurt.

Time to heal.

I wasn’t going to let one night, one night of painful memories, to tear myself apart again.

“Don’t call me Kook, Jimin. You lost that privilege a long time ago, when you didn’t come after me.”

I stepped closer, and leaned into his face. My eyes flashed, and I could see the pain in his own.

“Why didn’t you come after me, Park Jimin?”

“I...I didn’t-”

He stopped.

For one moment, there was loud music, loud voices, and the squeaking of shoes all across the gym floor. And the next, there was silence. Not a sound came from anyone, or anything. The entire room blurred around us, and then...it was just us. Alone. Staring at each other. Asking years of questions with our eyes.

“I’m sorry.” His voice was soft. Face sorrowful.

I nodded.

“I know. I forgive you.”

<><><><><><><><><><><><>

“When you grow up, and all this high school crap is over, what are you going to do?”

Jimin looked at me across the library desk, waiting expectantly for my answer.

And to be honest, I wasn’t sure what to say. I hadn’t put much thought into it, really. It was always something I had avoided thinking about. Besides, it was so far away. What was the point of worrying?

“When I grow up, I’m going to do everything. Everything I want to do, I’m going to do it. Whatever career I want, I’m going to study for it. Whatever house I want, I’m going to work for it. Whatever random thing I want to do, I’m going to do it. And above all…whoever I love, I’m going to give them my entire world.”

He smiled softly, looking around the quiet room. I studied him. The loving look in his eyes. The determined glint. The confidence. Everything I loved about him.

I glanced around the gym, looked at the people, talking to others from their past. People they trusted, knew when we were all just idiots in high school. Kids, who knew nothing, but dreamed of everything.

My eyes found my friends. Standing together, laughing, just like how I remembered them.

I looked back to Jimin.

My best friend.

My first love.

My classmate.

“If it means anything,” he whispered, “I did love you. Not like that...but as my best friend.”

I tilted my head.

“Thanks.”

I turned, and walked away. Towards my friends. Leaving him...leaving my whole world behind. Leaving all the memories, the best memories of my life, behind. I knew I would never see him again, but somehow...it didn’t matter. I was okay. I was broken, but I was okay.

I could feel Jungkook's hurt and pain at having lost his first love that too his best friend to someone else, I could feel Jimin's guilt at having lost his best friend because of something wrong he thought he did, I could understand what Jungkook did to Jimin- because he was hurting and the only way for that hurt to heal was to keep him away from him, I could feel my heart breaking when I read the last few lines and my suspicions were confirmed that Jungkook never stopped loving Jimin, he never stopped hurting.

A story seldom brings tears to my eyes and makes me feel a multitude of emotions and this was one of those ♡

Thank you so much for sharing this beautiful piece of writing with all of us.

this is literally so beautiful... like I cant explain all the emotions I was able to feel from ur writing..truly wonderful...u had me in my feels the whole time :satisfied: keep it up! I would love to read a lot more of ur work 🥰 :purple_heart:

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