For my determined purpose is that I might know Him, that I might progressively become more deeply and intimately acquainted with Him, perceiving and recognizing and understanding the wonders of His person more strongly and more clearly. Philippians 3:10

Sunday, June 29, 2008

'No' little lady

Y'all,

I know that at this point in my blogworld, it is most appropriate for me to give some kind of life update, and I assure you it will come soon. But for this moment, I need to speak about my Jesus.

Just here lately, I have been pleading with Him over a particular situation. And when I say 'plead,' I am meaning full-on childlike faith, given by Him, to believe and ask for the impossible. I know He is able. However, the answer He gave me was a "No." So, I pleaded some more. And some more. And my pleads turned into full-on childlike tantrums. Still, a "No." Then, I got angry at Him; and I even reverently told Him so. Still, in the same gentle voice as before, He whispered, "No Shelly."

In the midst of my fighting Him, I've been honest enough to acknowledge my rebellion; I've told Him that I would love more than anything if He could give me a new heart (Ezekiel 11:19), united with His (Psalm 86:11), delighting to do His will (Psalm 40:8), and submissive to it. But still, I've resembled the ridiculous kid in the grocery store screaming and doing a dance on the floor in outrage towards her Mom because she can't have the sugary cereal with the must-have toy in the box!

I want my 'toy' in this situation and I have been ceaselessly letting our El Roi know it.

Praise God. He answers even our warped half-hearted pleas coming from sinful rebellious hearts. He pressed my heart to submission this morning under the trustworthy nail-scarred hands of a God who is always my "Yes." He changed my heart's desires from an ill-knowledge based 'want' to the all consuming, all demanding, satisfying 'must-have' love of my God.

I still have my 'No' over this particular area, and I'm pretty sure no ounce of His Heavenly Throne was shaken by my tantrums. I'm also pretty sure every ounce of my Heavenly Father's heart was though. Today, He spoke a whisper in my spirit loud enough to bring back life into these dead bones of mine. He reminded me that He isgranting me a beautiful Yes. My 'Yes' is in Him.

And that my dear friend is enough for me. He may give me a 'Yes' to this situation in a different season. He may give me a 'Yes' to this situation in a bigger way than I could have imagined, and that's why it has a temporary 'No.' Or He may not. He may be trying to grant us all the true longings of our hearts to have more of Him. He may be inviting us into the privilege and blessing of knowing Him, which is eternal life. He may be extending a gracious Father's hand in protection from a harmless plea because He is trying to give us a greater gift. As in this case, He is extending the greatest gift I ultimately yearn for - that of Him.

"He is my very great Reward." (Gen. 15:1)

"For all the promises of God find their Yes in Him. That is why through Him we utter our Amen to God for His glory." (2 Cor. 1:20)

16 comments:

Shelly, Oh, I know what you are going through and I have had my share of tantrums and rebellious ways over things I thought were good things, and some I knew were bad but I wanted them anyway. We just don't like to hear no. I am glad that God doesn't give us everything we ask for, He knows better than we do and He sees the whole picture of our lives and we don't. He is the Yes, Amen girl!!! Glad to hear from you!!! Love,Patty

This post was better and more refreshing to me than an update of what you have been doing for the last 4 months (although I would like to know that too :) This post is your heart and soul poured out, and fits so well with the title of your blog (TO KNOW HIM)... Love ya sweet girl, The other "To Know Him"

Hi Shelly:So glad to meet you and read your sweet thoughts in blog world. Its a crazy thing isn't it? Teal is our dear dear friend. She was there for me in many ways during some of the most difficult days of parenting. So far...... :) Our kids are still young so the jury is out on that. We love her are thrilled to meet you. Thanks for your sweet comment. Give Teal a happy birthday hug for me tomorrow!!!!

Yea!!! It's so good to have you back! May I say how much I've missed you and how God speaks through your penned words....I've been here too. As a matter of fact there now. I've been greiving hard over my "no". I have to keep grounded in He knows best. So good to hear from you!!!Blessings and love to you!!!

I'll be praying for you in the coming days. I've been asking Him, "how do I submit when I desperately do not want to?" His reply wss, "daily obedience." In every teeny-tiny area..."just obey, child." And that's where it had to start--again, every day.

It's been almost a year, and my 'no' has been so hard....but my 'Yes' has been so faithful.

Sweet Shelly!I was delighted when I clicked on your blog today and found you had posted! Your tender heart has been missed!

When I was struggling w/ a situation in my life and I kept thinking God's answer was a flat out NO, I realized over time that His answer was Yes, it was just a different Yes than I thought it should/would be. As it turned out - the No that was a Yes was an answser that glorified Him more than the answer I was seeking.

Hi Shelly!!! It's been so long. I'm so glad to be "talking" with you again! I was so excited because I got to meet your boyfriend! I went with Amanda to the Deeper Still in Atlanta. We sat on the second row and the first night, everytime he walked by I thought to myself, "he looks familiar." And then it clicked! :-) Girl, that painting he did was ridiculous it was so good! I'm hoping to meet you in San Antone. Still haven't decided if I'm going, but I really want to.