Sunday, March 30, 2008

Hi all:Just thought I would post a quick blog to let you know how my tapering is going. Some days its really ok and other days when I get stressed I notice additional anxiety. I don't know if its because I am not taking the second pill or because I am going through a lot of life changes. I expected to have anxiety when I completely went off Chantix because I am a person who has naturally high levels of anxiety or can be on the high strung side when I am stressed! I am really chill for the most part and I think I brainwashed my self into thinking that smoking really helped me cope with stressful situations so how bad could it be for me? That was one of the big excuses I clung to so I could justify not quitting! The way I see it, I just need to incorporate something natural into my life to help me deal with stress in a more productive manner. Exercise is supposed to be really helpful in dealing with stress and keeping people on a more even keel without the use of chemicals. Just to let you all know, I am gearing up for next weeks trim down Tuesday. I will definetly have a slower start than I thought because I threw out my back and could not get an appointment with my chiropractor until Monday. Hope all is well with everyone! Send me some messages peeps!Peace,Diva

Saturday, March 22, 2008

Hi there all....The first blog I posted on this same subject said it was Saturday March 22, 2008! Today is Thursday March 27 so I really think my page is tripping! Blogger is being really difficult! I cannot save posts and I am reposting this because of formatting issues! Anyone know what is going on with it?

I was just read an excerpt from Bob Greene (Oprah's Trainer) about his on-line The Best Life Diet and I am going to post the whole excerpt because I could SO relate:"Quitting smoking while you're dieting may seem like a form of torture. After all, how many bad habits can you be expected to change at once? And, why would you want to quit when you know that smoking can help keep weight off: It revs your metabolism and dulls hunger. But you can achieve the same weight-loss results with healthier habits, like eating well and exercising. And believe it or not, kicking the habit now can actually make hitting your goal weight even easier. I know, you're probably skeptical, but let's take a look at exercise. If you're a smoker, you may have a difficult time working out at a vigorous pace--thanks to all that wheezing and huffing and puffing. (You can blame this on congested lungs and a diminished capacity of your blood to deliver oxygen throughout your body.) That means you're probably not reaping the full calorie-burning benefits of exercise. Kick the habit, though, and you'll allow your lungs to heal. The result: Working out becomes easier, and you'll burn more calories.Your diet is also affected by smoking. Cigarettes and nicotine have been shown to make food less palatable. If you stop smoking, you'll be able to truly enjoy the flavor of fruits and veggies, lean protein and whole grains."

I am glad that I quit smoking (For Today) and am one step closer to living a healthier, happier and more fulfilling life! I am supposed to go weigh in at my friend's school tomorrow and join their "Biggest Loser" type program! I have given myself this weekend to eat pretty much what I want and then by Tuesday, its time to begin a new diet and exercise program. I did exactly what I did with smoking.....I set a "quit date" and since am I am feeling really under the weather, next week sounds good to me. Besides, I am really scared to see the number on the scale! One of my students recently saw a picture of me when I was 27 and I weighed about 125 pounds and was in really good shape. They kept asking if that was really me. I started wondering, did the cigarettes or bad eating age me or is that just life? Well, Tuesday will come quickly enough!I think I am going to drop in to my "Stop Smoking Clinic" today and let talk to the new people/old people still showing up for support and the facillitor who has been really helpful. Hope everyone is doing well.Peace,Diva

Hi there all....I was just read an excerpt from Bob Greene (Oprah's Trainer) about his on-line The Best Life Diet and I am going to post the whole excerpt because I could SO relate: "Quitting smoking while you're dieting may seem like a form of torture. After all, how many bad habits can you be expected to change at once? And, why would you want to quit when you know that smoking can help keep weight off: It revs your metabolism and dulls hunger. But you can achieve the same weight-loss results with healthier habits, like eating well and exercising. And believe it or not, kicking the habit now can actually make hitting your goal weight even easier. I know, you're probably skeptical, but let's take a look at exercise. If you're a smoker, you may have a difficult time working out at a vigorous pace--thanks to all that wheezing and huffing and puffing. (You can blame this on congested lungs and a diminished capacity of your blood to deliver oxygen throughout your body.) That means you're probably not reaping the full calorie-burning benefits of exercise. Kick the habit, though, and you'll allow your lungs to heal. The result: Working out becomes easier, and you'll burn more calories.Your diet is also affected by smoking. Cigarettes and nicotine have been shown to make food less palatable. If you stop smoking, you'll be able to truly enjoy the flavor of fruits and veggies, lean protein and whole grains."

I am glad that I quit smoking (For Today) and am one step closer to living a healthier, happier and more fulfilling life!I am supposed to go weigh in at my friend's school tomorrow and join their "Biggest Loser" type program! I have given myself this weekend to eat pretty much what I want and then by Tuesday, its time to begin a new diet and exercise program. I did exactly what I did with smoking.....I set a "quit date" and since am I am feeling really under the weather, next week sounds good to me. Besides, I am really scared to see the number on the scale! One of my students recently saw a picture of me when I was 27 and I weighed about 125 pounds and was in really good shape. They kept asking if that was really me. I started wondering, did the cigarettes or bad eating age me or is that just life? Well, Tuesday will come quickly enough! I think I am going to drop in to my "Stop Smoking Clinic" today and let talk to the new people/old people still showing up for support and the facillitor. Hope everyone is doing well.

Hi all.... Thanks for the support during a really rough patch! I looked at my days and today I have 147 days off of tobacco and nicotine! That is five months! Amazing huh? Per doctors orders, I am tapering down the Chantix and am on one pill a day. I just filled the last prescription and am supposed to do one pill for two weeks, a half a pill and so on. My doctor was really cool about giving me the full six month allotment and making sure I got through the stresses in my life. My sister (who smoked) recently moved out so not having to see or smell Marlboro's (and there is a specific smell to those cigarettes believe me) has made things a lot easier. I have tons of deadlines and have not been able to really post as much as I would like to but I am with you guys on the fitness thing! I am really glad that many of us are addressing the fitness/weight gain issues in the "Trim Up Tuesday" blog. As for my fitness plans, I had been thinking about what to do with my cigarette savings and on a whim took my money that I saved from smoking (plus a bit of savings I had) and decided to put a deposit so I could attend "fitcamp" that is going to be hosted by one of the "Biggest Loser" winners Isabeau Miller in Nashville Tenn. (She was trained by Jillian Michaels of the Black team for anyone who watches the show.) I decided to worry about how I would get the money later. This is definitely not how I do things…especially things that are that big of a financial commitment. I don’t know how to say it, but I was feeling some level of faith that I just can’t really explain or put into words so I just decided “go for it!” Kind of like when I decided to try Chanitx and go to the stop smoking program for the 5th of 6hth time. It was the right place, the right time, the right people, the right facilitator and it just happened to work. (Knock of wood!)Ironically, right after I sent in deposit as well as the first monthly payment, I heard that many teachers, including myself could possibly be being laid off. I started to feel really financially insecure but I made the decision that I would not let my financial insecurities of "what if?" get in the way of changing my life. I figured that if I sent in my deposit plus my first payment, the money would somehow get taken care of. I don’t know if it will came from me hustling tutoring jobs, winning the lottery, getting an extra check or maybe the funds will come from some way that I can’t predict. All I know is if I do the footwork, the results will follow. I really believe in the laws of attraction (I think I had just read Tracy Souix's blog about it when I decided to "go for it") and know that things will not change unless I do things to help facilitate the changes that I am looking for. I decided to send in an application for a partial scholarship from the contest that was posted on Jimmy Moore's low-carb website. For those of you who are interested in applying , the link is http://livinlavidalocarb.blogspot.com/2008/02/think-you-can-handle-isabeau-millers.html You guys probably think I lost my mind because I definitely do! For me making a commitment is the first part of success. Besides, I have wasted thousands of dollars on smoking not to mention two hours a week. ) If I can quit smoking which is by far the HARDEST thing I have ever done, I think I can take some walks around the block and stop eating fast food from the .99 cent menu! As for specific diet changes, I am currently deciding between a couple of different programs and have a cut off day of April 7th where I absolutely must be on a specific eating plan and have begun an exercise program. Until then, I want to cut out soda except for once a week and cut out fast food except for the healthy menu options. I will let you know how it goes. Peace,Diva

In all reality, its up to me whether I pick up a cigarette or not, but the longer I continue to stay quit and just deal with the feelings (usually the ones I am trying to usually run from) I am a success! I have realized that support is really important....especially on the days things are REALLY tough and I WANT to smoke. I may WANT to smoke, but I don't NEED to smoke and that is amazing! Five months ago when I was a pack a day smoker, I was so addicted (physically and mentally) that there was no choice in whether or not I would smoke....I just lit up like always! I had resigned myself to the fact that I would probably die with a cigarette in my hand and at a much younger age than was necessary.

Today, I have a lot of hope that I can stay quit. I choose to stay smoke-free and read blogs from other successful quitters and try to encouragement others because I realize that some days I may feel perfectly fine and other days I may feel like smoking... I just don't have to. I have decided that I would rather deal with a certain level of uncomfortably and delay smoking those NASTY cigarettes for ten minutes to an hour because the cravings ultimately go away! It is much easier to remember why I quit and why I choose to stay quit with the help of my blogging buddies than to try to requit!

I have been clean and sober for over twenty years and I know that it took me about two years before the cravings for drugs and alcohol pretty much diminished. After that, is was a lifestyle change. Even when I get stressed, the idea of drinking or using is not even an option for me. I think quitting smoking is a lot like quitting drugs and alcohol. It becomes second nature after awhile. It would be nice if the "awhile" was tomorrow but I know it takes a long time to unlearn a habit. I smoked for over 30 years. Its going to take awhile before my brain remembers that smoking a cigarette is not an option for me anymore. I think my brain is just confused by the weather change which means its so much more convenient to go outside and suck down poison. I hope all of you are doing well too.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Hi all,I have had a really stressful couple of weeks and have really wanted to smoke; in fact I wanted to smoke so bad I was basically giving myself permission to "just smoke one." Well, we all know where that usually leads to...at least for me its a pack a day habit. The last couple of days has been really challenging to say the least! A lot of personal stuff I would rather not be too open about but definetly uncomfortable emotions. The other day, I found a whole cigarette on the kitchen counter, picked it up, smelled it and thought "That boy would a cigarette be relaxing right now." I quickly threw it in the trash because I was actually thinking about lighting it! Not a good idea at all. This weekend, I was at a friends house visiting (since I have a week off work I decided to go chill somewhere else and maybe go hang out at the casino she lives by.) My friend went to work and I walked out onto her balcony. I saw a bunch of Marlboro menthol "butts" that a friend of hers had smoked on her patio. My friend does not smoke so I was really shocked to see them sitting there. Well, I moved closer and took a wiff...they did not really smell all that good and I walked back inside. I didn't think too much about the incident until later that day when I was driving to the Pachanga Resort to do a little gambling.

My number one rule about gambling is I never go to the casino unless I have money I can afford to lose. I usually go and gamble every three months or so. I had the money but in all honesty should have really been spending it on other things...like a new refrigerator, but I was bored and looking for some excitement. I was doing really good for the first couple hours and I was up a couple hundred dollars! I should have gotten up and left then, but I was feeling greedy and thought the machine was going to hit so I stayed. Needless to say, the refrigerator will not be paid for out of my gambling winnings to say the least!

When I first walked into the casino, the smell of cigarettes really grossed me out. I told myself if I really had to have one, I could bum one but the smell was so overpowering and gross, I did not want to bum one! When I was sitting next to a smoker, the first wiff may have smelled good for a second or two, then it was nasty as usual! The point I am getting to is I am into my fifth month of being off cigarettes and nicotine! I STILL get the urge to smoke thinking it will fix me or make how I am feeling seem a bit better. Every time I have been in a situation where I have been feeling week and just about give myself permission to smoke, I choose not to. I think deep down inside I like being a non-smoker WAY better than I liked being a smoker. I think I will always encounter rough patches of wanting to smoke due to programming! My biggest trigger and when I really seriously consider breaking down and having one is when I am really stressed out. I want to sit down and light a cigarette and have that magic Ahhhhhhh feeling take me away from my problem or issue for just five minutes or so. What I have learned from all of you and my own personal experience is that if I can avoid and delay that cigarette for five to ten minutes that I won't want it anymore. I know it sounds crazy but I just need to develop other types of "escapes" that do not involve inhaling poison and drugs. The escape probably should have little to do with eating as I am gaining weight which makes me think I should take up smoking again. I know I really don't want to do that...I mean really now, its called eating better and exercising not going outside sucking in poison! That is the lazy way out and its not very intelligent either. I think I am going to schedule a massage this week. My sister gave me a gift certificate for it and I have not used it yet. I think that would be a good way to relax that is not chemical induced. I feel better now that I have posted my inner fight with picking up a cancer stick again. I know it is probably going to be a battle I struggle with the rest of my life. I guess if I do it just one day at a time it will be a manageable battle to fight.Peace,Diva

PS: Anyway, thanks for listening and letting me be honest about how I am feeling.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Hi all....today is a weird day for me. I am kind of worried as the economy in my state is going crazy! Lets see, where do I start? I responded to Mama Flo's blog and realized how fed up I am with financial decisions that have been being made by people who have no clue. During the last eight years with the Bush Administration, I have seen federal education funds cut to practically nothing. The "No Child Left Behind" laws have really hurt kids and left LOTS of them behind! Teachers and support staff in public schools and other social service institutions are waiting for RIF (reduction in force) papers because there is no money for schools and teachers, but there is plenty of money for defense. Our state funds are pretty non-existent too. I understand that gas is over $3.50 a gallon and times are tough all over. The sad truth of the matter is most people DO NOT WANT TO SEND THEIR KIDS TO PUBLIC SCHOOL (if that can possibly help it.) Between violence, lack of supplies and sometimes forty bodies stuffed in a room in the most overcrowded places, I can't really blame them. A lot of people want other educational options for their kids and I agree that Charter Schools can be good thing along with other specialized programs. The problem with Charter Schools is that a lot of money is taken from the public schools and then the schools slip into a state of decline. Hopefully, I will not get a notice of non-reelection come this Friday. I am close to being permanent in status with LAUSD. There are lots of other people that will get laid off before me. Wish me luck. I haven't smoked yet!Peace,Diva

Friday, March 7, 2008

Hi there all.....I just gone done catching up on all of the blogs I used to read daily. I miss you guys and my support system and figured I better post! I have been craving cigarettes like mad! Sometimes my best thinking is not the way to do things.... I had been on Chantix for four months so I figured that when the prescription ran out, I would not fill it. I figured that I was on it a month longer than most people so I would be fine if I just stopped taking it. Bad decision! I was cranky and irritable because it is the most stressful time of the year for me and I have a lot of things to do. After four days of being one very unhappy camper, I called my doctor and told him I thought I should taper off slowly and he agreed. (My students probably would have agreed too if you would have asked them. I refilled the prescription and he told me to either take a full dose every other day or go down to one pill a day. I am taking one pill a day and my anxiety and stress level is way better and fortunately, I did not smoke even though I was really tempted. I DO NOT want to be a pack a day smoker and spend a lot of money on killing myself and smelling bad! I am finalizing my historical research project that I will present at the beginning of April and am finishing my resume, cover letters and other paperwork I will need to send out during spring break. The budget for California just came out and a lot of teachers are probably going to be laid off on March 15. The economy is going crazy out here and a lot of people are losing their jobs along with their homes. I hope all is well everyone and I continue to look at fellow bloggers posts when I feel good or when I feel bad! I like being a non-smoker 90% of the time and want to keep it like that! Holla back all! Peace,Diva

Wee Me!

About Me

I am currently blogging away about my experiences using the stop smoking drug Chantix to quit my 30 year addiction to nicotine and tobacco. I also talk about my life in general now that the cravings have subsided.