Goo's Note- To get part of this chapter, you have to understand that Yuki and
Touma were MUCH closer in the manga than in the anime. Outwardly, it's set up
so that it looks like Touma is trying to be an older brother figure for Yuki,
but what is supposed to be just under the surface is that Touma feels something
deeper for Yuki, and it's even said in the manga that it's rumored Touma married
Mika to get to Yuki. (Also, Touma harbors some resentment toward Shuichi because
of this, and he gets seriously pissed when he finds out Yuki told him about New
York since he thought he was the only other person who knew. He also got ticked
when he found out Shuichi had discovered Yuki's ears were ticklish, since not
even he knew that.) Also, I am covering events from episodes two and four in this
one. (Nothing happened in three except Suguru joined the band and Yuki said something
almost encouraging to Shuichi.) And one last thing: I am NOT trying to imply something
between K and Ryuuichi (though the thought is rather appealing...). The reason
why K is in charge of taking Ryuuichi to and from the hospital in this fic is
because he used to be his manager and is obviously someone he can trust in a time
of crisis.

Disclaimer- Gravitation, once again, isn't mine. The songs this time are "All
Eyes On Me", which was written by John Rzeznik and performed by the Goo
Goo Dolls and "Total Eclipse of the Heart", which was written by Jim
Steinman (there's that name again...) and performed by Bonnie Tyler. Also, I
am using the short version of the latter song. That's the radio edit that cut
off singing the chorus one last time, but all the important lyrics are still
there. I'd be stretching myself to write the long version.

The Life of Shindou Shuichi: A Retrospective in Song

Written by A Guy Named Goo

Act 3: All Eyes On Me/Total Eclipse of the Heart

~Curtain Rises~

It had been three days since the "cardiac episode", as the doctors
put it. This also meant that Shuichi had been in a coma for ten days now. He'd
been moved to a new room since then, at the very end of the hall, because of
the large group of people that could sometimes get quite noisy (mostly Hiro,
stomping in in a bad mood, yelling at Yuki once again), and because they needed
a big room to accomidate all of the flowers and gifts that had been pouring
in. Yuki guessed Touma had finally sent out a press release about Shuichi's
condition and where he was staying.

Yuki saved his novel. It was finished now. All he had to do was go home and
print it, then send it to the publisher. Of course, to do that he had to leave,
something he didn't want to do. Maybe he could trust Touma to do it....

Just as he was setting his laptop on the area of a table carefully kept free
for such a purpose, the door opened. In walked Hiro, Suguru, Sakano, and K obviously
just coming back from something to do with Bad Luck. K had two cups of coffee,
and he thrusted one into Yuki's hand as he sat down next to him. Ryuuichi was
asleep in the empty bed that Yuki usually used this time.

"He still not up?" K asked, looking at the lump under the covers.
The blanket had been pulled up to the man's chin, and all that was visable of
him was some unwashed, unkempt, brown-green hair and a bit of the top of a pair
of pink rabbit ears.

"He was for a while," Yuki answered as Suguru and Hiro sat down on
the other side of the room. "His neck and back have been getting really
bad. He couldn't even stand up straight to walk to the bathroom. I think he
forgot he was 31 and couldn't sleep anywhere he wanted without paying for it."

"So he laid down?"

"Not by choice. He was crying again. I called the doctor and asked for
an aspirin, and when he saw how much pain he was in and that he wouldn't stop
crying he gave him a Tylonol 3."

"Codeine..."

"Right. He didn't even last ten minutes."

The room was quiet again. Finally, Hiro stood up and stretched, before reaching
into his pocket and crossing the room to hand Yuki a piece of paper. This was
the most cival thing Hiro had done to him since Shuichi had been brought to
the hospital.

Yuki picked up his glasses from next to his laptop and put them on, reading
the paper. "He named the hospital. That explains the sudden outpouring
of cards, flowers, and gifts..."

"Keep reading," K urged, obviously having read it himself.

Yuki did so. As soon as finished, he took off his glasses and put them down,
along with the paper. "He named the man who hit Shuichi."

"And said where he lives and that he's in this hospital," Suguru
confirmed.

"If the man doesn't get so much hate mail that he kills himself, then
the fans will do the job for him," Yuki continued, fixing his gold gaze
at the cieling and trying to keep a smile from creeping to his lips.

"That was the idea," K said with a nod.

"There's already been two letter bombs found addressed to him," Hiro
continued. "And the overwhelming amount of letters and other suspicious-looking
packages has forced the post office to hold all of his mail and elect a special
task force to sort through it."

The tiniest hint of a smile quirked on Yuki's lips. "That does sound like
something Touma would do..."

"Well, look at what he did to Aizawa," Hiro muttered. "I guess
there's only so many times you can commit assault with a deadly weapon and get
away with it before people see a pattern. At least this way no one can pin anything
on him."

Yuki nodded and sipped his coffee, standing and turning to leave the room.

"Where are you going?" Suguru asked.

"Outside. To smoke. I'll be back in a few minutes."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Shuichi stood in the center of the stage. Though he wanted to move, something
in his mind told him to stay there as the actor Yuki walked away. As soon as
he disappeared into the forboding blackness of the wings, two figures stepped
forward: Ryuuichi and Hiro. Looking down, Shuichi saw that his clothes had changed
once again, this time to those of the concert where they were the warm-up band
for ASK.

The Hiro actor walked over to his place, picking up a guitar that had suddenly
appeared there. Looking next to him, the Ryuuichi actor smiled slightly, his
eyes hidden beneath the bill of his ball cap.

"Know your lines?" Ryuuichi asked.

Shuichi almost said no, but found himself nodding instead. A microphone had
appeared in front of him, and the Ryuuichi actor stepped back until he disappeared
into the darkness at the back of the stage.

Suddenly, the curtain flew up. The audience was visable again, only this time,
instead of the people he knew sitting in the plush red seats were the nameless
fans from that first concert. All of them were screaming for ASK, just as they
had that first time. And also, just like what had happened that first time,
Shuichi could see Yuki in back. Or, to be accurate, the Yuki actor. Fear gripped
him again, and he froze for what had to have been a solid minute.

Suddenly, Ryuuichi's voice broke through the crowd, just as it had the first
time, singing the song. Only this time, instead of listening vacantly as he
had the first time, lines popped into Shuichi's head.

"This was supposed to be my big break," he said into the microphone.
"But I froze. He wasn't supposed to be here. He said that he didn't want
to come and that he wouldn't. When I saw him, I couldn't help my. All of the
words disappeared, and everything faded. I couldn't remember where I was or
what I was supposed to do."

The Ryuuichi actor stepped up onto the stage and stood next to Shuichi, still
singing.

"This was also the first time I met my idol, Sakuma Ryuuichi," Shuichi
continued. "He saved me that night. Later, people would tell me that it
was because he saw himself in me, which made me feel better than they could
ever know. Knowing that someone as great as him had saved me and my career when
he didn't have to suddenly made me forget what had caused me to freeze. And
that was when I sang. With him by my side. And with him in the audience."

The music started too play, and the entire audience was once again darkened
so that Shuichi couldn't see them. Only one light, a spotlight, remained fixed
on one figure: the actor portraying Yuki. Focusing on him, Shuichi let the words
flow out of his mouth.

"Daylight burns your sleepy eyes and/It's hard to see you dreaming/You
hide inside yourself and/I wonder what you're thinking/And everything your chasing/It
seems to leave you empty," Shuichi sang, looking down at the floor to keep
from meeting the eyes of the Yuki actor. Even if it wasn't really him, he still
had the same feelings around him.

Suddenly, Ryuuichi joined him at the same microphone for the chorus of the
song. Looking up, he met the eyes of the actor portraying his idol and couldn't
help but smile.

"And it won't take long to burn/All eyes on me!/Through the nothing that
you've learned/All eyes on me!/And the things you choose to be/All eyes on me..."

Shuichi took a step closer to the edge of the stage, first looking at the floor,
then at the cieling. He noticed he was singing alone again. "And you just
look away!" He glared at the Yuki actor. "It's so hard to be someone/Strung
out from today!" He held out his hand, clenching it into a fist. "And
don't let your you slip away!"

The music slowed again, and Shuichi found himself walking back to the microphone,
staring at the floor and singing. "You drown in deeper oceans/Inventing
new religions..." he pushed his hair from his eyes. "They smile and
stab my back and/I lie and have to laugh."

Ryuuichi took the microphone from his hand and sang the next part. "And
it won't take long to burn!"

He pointed the microphone to Shuichi as he sang "All eyes on me!"

"Through the nothing that you've learned!" Ryuuichi sang.

"All eyes on me!" Shuichi sang out.

"And the things you choose to be!" Ryuuichi finished.

"All eyes on me!" they sang together.

Shuichi walked to the edge of the stage again as the Yuki actor turned around.
"They just look away!" He fell to his knees, as if hurt, and stared
at the stage. "It's so hard to be someone/Strung from today!" He looked
up suddenly. "And don't let your you slip away!"

He suddenly jumped to his feet and pointed at the Yuki actor. "And you
hide in your room!" He faced the stage again. "With your lights turned
away..." His head snapped up again. "And you move from your tomb/It's
all so far from you!"

Shuichi turned away and walked back to the stage. Ryuuichi had disappeared,
as had Hiro. He looked out at the audience, and Yuki was also gone. The music
finally started to fade out as he stood on the stage, alone and confused.

And then suddenly the curtain dropped with it's menacing thud.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

It was later in the evening by the time the others left. Ryuuichi was still
deep in his sleep, and Yuki had nothing else to do, having finished his novel,
but stare at Shuichi.

He heard the door open and looked up. Touma had just walked in, carrying a
paper bag. He closed the door and took off his hat, resting it in a chair, and
then walked over to Yuki, handing him the bag.

"What's this?" Yuki asked, opening the bag.

"Food. I know you have been eating here, but even you have to have your
limits."

Yuki opened a styrofoam container to find a cheeseburger and some fries. He
took a fry, ate it, then put the food in the chair next to him, looking back
at Touma, who was standing between Shuichi and Ryuuichi's beds.

"I heard that since the scare a few days ago Ryuuichi-san hasn't been
handling himself very well," he said at last, leaning in a bit closer to
look at Ryuuichi.

"No. Not at all. I think he's having a nervous breakdown," Yuki confirmed.

"Hm. I'm really not at all surprised," Touma said softly. He turned
and looked at Yuki again. "I don't think that he's acting this way because
he's scared for Shuichi. I mean, that's not the only reason, anyway. I think
this incident has hit him a bit too close to home."

"What do you mean by that?" Yuki asked.

"You know how alike they are," Touma explained. "Seeing Shuichi
like this has made his rethink his own mortality. It could just as easily be
him in that bed over there. I shudder to think how he'll react if Shuichi doesn't
pull through."

"Has he always been like this?" Yuki asked softly.

Touma shook his head. "We'd been touring with Grasper for about two years.
I don't know what happened- if it can really be narrowed down to a single event-
but one day he started acting like this." Touma sighed and sat in a chair
on the other side of the room, next to the chair where he'd placed his hat.
"Ryuuichi-san is a brilliant man. You can't deny that. Shuichi actually
pretty wise in choosing someone so talented and hard working as a person to
model himself after, even if it's unlikely he'll ever be able to match him.
But that kind of talent always has a price. He sees things differently than
you or I. And he feels things differently. He had to do something or he would
have suffered from a breakdown, whether it be from the stress of working with
the band or having to deal with something happening to him. So he did what he
thought was logical: he regressed. It's a defense mechanism. He knows precisely
what he's doing. If he acts and thinks like a child, then suddenly things aren't
as overwhelming to him. But then something like this happens...."

"Exactly. Intellectually, he's analyzed the situation and understands
the full impact. But emotionally, he shows it the only way he can show any emotion:
like a child," Touma confirmed. "I think you'd find that while your
methods for hiding yourselves are different, you and him are actually quite
a bit alike, Eiri-san. You close yourself off to the world, don't let them see
weakness. But he acts like nothing is wrong and people assume that there really
is nothing wrong. As I said before, me might seem like he's mentally disturbed,
but deep down he knows what he is doing."

"I don't think we're that much alike," Yuki muttered, taking a bit
out of the cheeseburger.

"So how are you holding up, Eiri-san?" Touma asked as soon as Yuki
had finished swallowing.

Touma smiled slightly, sadly. "On the outside, yes. But then, it can be
expected. You don't show your emotions. You wouldn't be sitting here if this
honestly didn't have any impact on you. And judging by your constant vigil,
I'd say there's more than just concern keeping you here. Something like guilt."

Yuki put down the burger. "Guilt for what?"

"I saw the reports. The whitnesses said he got hit buying cigarettes.
Since he doesn't smoke, and since I like to think I know you quite well, I'd
assume you feel at least partially responsible."

Yuki leaned back in the chair and sighed, closing his eyes. "This was
my fault. He didn't even have to go that way. But he knew I'd get pissed off
at him if he didn't get me my cigarettes. I always get pissed at him."

"Eiri-san, none of this is your fault," Touma told him firmly. "There's
only one person responsible for this and, as you've probably heard, I've made
sure he gets properly punished. That man would have hit someone eventually,
as unfortunate as that is, and it's even more unfortunate- for us and him- that
he hit Shuichi. What Shuichi was doing at the time has nothing to do with him
getting hit or that man hitting him. The only good that comes out of this is
that he will get the punishment that he deserves now. Is it possible that this
wouldn't have happened if you hadn't told him to get you cigarettes? Perhaps.
Is it possible that this wouldn't have happened if Shuichi hadn't gone out at
all that day? That's even more likely. You didn't ask him to get you cigarettes
with the intention of getting him hurt, and that's what matters. Had you intended
for him to get hit, yes, it would be your fault, but it wasn't. You can point
fingers all day: it's your fault for telling him to get cigarettes. It's his
fault for deciding to leave the house. It's my fault for signing him to NG and
causing him to write the lyrics that you found that caused him to meet you.
It's Ryuuichi's fault for inspiring him to become a rock star in the first place.
It's his mother's fault for bringing him into a world where people drive drunk.
You see how easy it is to blame anyone? As far as I'm concerned only one person
is to blame. He is to blame for his blatent disregard for human life, and he
is to blame for possibly ending the life of another human being, or at least
seriously altering it."

For a long time no one spoke. Only the sound of the life support system could
be heard in the room.

"That's not really why I feel guilty," Yuki said at last. Touma didn't
say anything, inviting Yuki to go on. "The last thing I said to him was
I was scolding him for wearing shoes in the house. Just before that I was ordering
him to buy me cigarettes and give me back my change when he's done. And before
then I was telling him to shut up. That's how things always worked between us.
I never once told him how I really felt. Never. Every time he tried to force
me to, I'd kick him out. I told him that we could be lovers, and I told the
world that we were together, but that doesn't change that I never once told
him how I felt about him. He slept on the couch, for chrissakes. I call that
being a lover?"

"Just because you didn't tell him how you felt doesn't mean you didn't
feel it," Touma said softly. "I think he understood that. Why else
would he have stayed with you? Yes, you did and said a lot of things that not
even I think you should have to him, but he was still crazy about you for whatever
reason, and I think that reason was that he knew that deep down inside you felt
the same way."

Touma stood and stretched, then looked at the food he had brought. "Go
home, Eiri-san. I'll stay here tonight. A shower, a change of clothes, and a
nap in your own bed will make you feel better. If anything happens- anything
at all- I'll call you. If he wakes up, I'll explain why you're not here and
that you had been almost the entire time." He looked over at Ryuuichi.
"Maybe when the medication wears off and he has to be sedated again I can
convince K to bring him back home. That way when he wakes up K can refuse to
bring him back here unless he showers and changes his clothes, also."

Yuki wanted to object, but he knew that he couldn't. He hadn't showered or
changed his clothes the entire time he'd been here in the hospital, and he knew
he probably didn't look or smell too pleasent at the moment. Standing and picking
up his laptop, he left with room without saying another word to Touma.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Shuichi looked around the theatre. Everything was black now. The stage had
turned dark, he couldn't see the audience, and there was no one around him.
A sense of fear began to fill him. What if the show was over, and he'd failed
somehow? What if he had actually died for real?

Suddenly, a spotlight came on. It was focused on a microphone, resting on the
stage. Hestitantly, Shuichi kneeled down and picked it up. Suddenly, the spotlight
on it disappeared, and another focused on him. Ordinarilly it would have hurt
his eyes, but he noticed that he felt no pain in this place. He also should
have felt worn, and his voice should have been getting tired, but neither of
those things was happening.

Swallowing, Shuichi closed his eyes a slightly. There were words in his head,
and he tried to fight them back, hoping it would end the reinactment, but no
luck. Something else guided his voice when he wouldn't do it himself.

"Even after he saw me sing, he was still so cold to me," he said
softly, his voice amplified in the microphone. "But there was something
in him after that night. He actually told me something that made me feel secure
about my career. We made love again, for the second time in my entire life.
And then...then I was so confused. I moved into his house, and he tried to throw
me out, only to concede in the end. But he still acted...so cold toward me.
I wasn't sure how he felt about me..."

Shuichi dropped the microphone and turned around. The lights switched on, but
they were dim, like at night. The set looked like Yuki's living room, and standing
in the center of the room was the Yuki actor. A solemn piano melody began to
play as Shuichi turned away from Yuki.

"Turn around..." Yuki sang softly.

Shuichi didn't, though. Instead, he began to sing himself. "Every now
and then I get a little bit lonely/And your never coming 'round..."

"Turn around..." Yuki sang again.

Shuichi swallowed, remaining back-to the other man, eyes fixed on the mock
hardwood floor of the stage. "Every now and then I get a little bit tired/Of
listening to the sound of my tears..."

"Turn around..." Yuki sand once more.

Shuichi shook his head at that, surprised that he could feel real tears welling
in his eyes. His voice started to get a little louder, a little shakier. "Every
now and then I get a little bit nervous/That the best of all the years have
gone by..."

"Turn around," the voice was getting more forceful now. It was getting
harder for Shuichi to ignore the command.

But he did, balling his hands into fists. "Every now and then I get a
little bit terrified/And then I see the look in your eyes-"

"Turn around, bright eyes!" Yuki sang before Shuichi could even finish.
The command sounded different now, though Shuichi couldn't tell what had changed.

Tears slid down Shuichi's cheeks now. '"Every now and then I fall apart!"

"Turn around, bright eyes!" Yuki sang out again.

Shuichi found himself doing so as he sang the next line, and the music picked
up. "Every now and then I fall apart-"

He threw himself at Yuki, trying to keep from sobbing as he sang out. "And
I need to know tonight/And I need you more than ever/And if you only hold me
tight/We'll be holding on forever-" The Yuki actor pushed him back gently,
and he kept singing. "And we'll only be making it right!/'Cause we'll never
be wrong!"

He backed up, looking the Yuki actor straight in the eye. He took his hand
and he sang. "Together he can take it to the end of the line-" Yuki
shook his hand away. Shuichi turned away and began to walk away. "Your
love is like a shadow on me all of the time!"

"I don't know what to do/And I'm always in the dark!" Shuichi sang
out, knocking a lamp off a table as the cymbals of a drum crashed. "We're
living in a powder keg/And giving off sparks!"

Yuki cast Shuichi away, and he dropped to his knees, holding himself up on
his arms, his tears falling to the floor.

"Once upon a time I was falling in love/But now I'm only falling apart-"
Shuichi brushed a tear away. "Nothing I can do, the total eclipse of the
heart." He sat up, leaning back on his heels, as a piano solo played. "Once
upon a time there was light in my life/But now there's only love in the dark/There's
nothing I can say/A total eclipse of the heart..."

Shuichi pulled himself to his feet, knocking over another lamp. He looked at
his hand to see it was bleeding, but he felt no pain. The the words that Yuki
sang echoed through the theatre, coming from an entire chorus of people.

"Turn around, bright eyes!"

"Every now and then I fall apart!" Shuichi sang in response.

"Turn around, bright eyes!"

"Every now and then I fall apart-" He once again threw himself at
Yuki. "And I need to know tonight!/And I need you more than ever!"
He embraced him tightly. "And if you'd only hold me tight/We'd be holding
on forever!/And we'll only be making it right/'Cause we can never be wrong!"

Shuichi released his grip on Yuki a bit and backed up, still singing. "Together
we can take it to the end of the line/'Cause like a shadow only all of the time!"

He turned around and began to walk away, flailing his arms angrilly with the
song. "I don't know what to do/I'm always in the dark/We're livinging in
a powder keg and giving off sparks!"

As he sang that last line, he found himself falling to his knees again, crying
again. "Once upon a time I was falling in love/But now I'm only falling
apart..." He looked up at Yuki, staring into those cold golden eyes. "There's
nothing I can do, the total eclipse of the heart." Shuichi pulled himself
to his feet, walking over to Yuki. "Once upon a time there was light in
my life/But now there's only love in the dark..." He embraced Yuki. "There's
nothing I can say/The total eclipse of the heart..." He buried his face
in his chest. "A total eclipse of the heart.../A total eclipse of the heart..."

"Turn around, bright eyes..." Yuki's voice whispered.

Then the curtain dropped with it's thud, and Shuichi opened his eyes to find
he was holding no one, and that the set had disappeared.

"Wh-what?" he stammered, stepping back.

"It's time for act four," Hiro's voice said from no where, cutting
through the silence.

~Curtain Falls~

~End of Act 3~

Final Note- I am not sure what scene to do next. If you have any suggestions,
feel free to give them. Also, if you know of a song that would go well with
this fic, tell me about it. No garentees I'll use it, though, since I have the
soundtrack almost all planned out.