Friday, December 03, 2004

A CONVERSATION THAT HAPPENED IN HIS HEAD

"Why didn't you say 'hello'last night?"
"I didn't want to. I didn't think it was time.Moreover, I had nothing to say."
"Time? Dude, you are such a baby."
"Perhaps."
"This is not normal."
"No, it's not but if you remember correctly I did not bring us to this abnormality. That was you."
"You are really frustrating me. I am trying to be as mature as possible and here you are...here you are...God. Do you think this makes you cooler? Any better? Do you feel like playing this game solves anything?"
"What game am I playing? As far as I'm concerned this is how I deal."
"By not dealing...?"
"This is making me sad. I'd rather not talk about this. You're obviously not open to seeing this through my eyes. How unfortunate this all is but how necessary this all is."
"Well, this conversation is happening in your head right now. If you didn't want to have it, then think of something else."
"Like what?"
"Presents you need to get for Chanukah."
"I was going to get you a great present. I had a couple of very solid ideas."
"That's nice."
"Yeah, it is...but do you know what's weird?"
"What?"
"You're not real to me anymore. You have become an idea, almost a myth. I have a hard time remembering your face. It's blurry. That's really weird and uncomfortable. It kind of bothers me how the mind is so selective in what it retains and what it lets go."
"A self-defense mechanism perhaps?"
"Perhaps."
"You know, your mind is kind of cluttered. You have too much going on up here.You need to do some spring cleaning."
"But it's Decemeber..."
"You know what I mean."
"I need to go soon."
"That's a shame. I enjoyed talking to you even though it is just in your head. You know, you mattered a great deal to me. I think about you a lot."
"I wish I felt that that was true. Maybe its an insecurity but I can't help but think that you couldn't care less."
"What does that mean? C'mon. You spend so much time with someone...there are so many reminders in our day-to-day lives. Like those U2 posters I see everywhere on the streets. Funny...I see Bono, I see you."
"You're not the first to say that."
"Maybe you could say 'hi' to me next time..."
"I can't guarantee anything."
"Well...take care of yourself."
"Thanks. I'll try. You too."
"You know where to find me, right?"
"Yeah. For the time being, right here in my head."