This Is What Dinesh D’Souza Thinks Film Critics Look Like

This Is What Dinesh D'Souza Thinks Film Critics Look Like

Let’s say you’re Dinesh D’Souza. (Stay with us for a minute.) You are a New York Times best-selling author and a co-director of the second-highest-grossing documentary of all time, with another movie on the way this summer. (You are also a convicted felon, although who isn’t?) In spite of making nearly $48 million combined, your previous two movies were critical disasters: The Village Voice called “2016: Obama’s America” “a sleepy dud, a polemic that, like D’Souza himself, is at once both outrageous and deeply boring,” and the Austin Chronicle said “America: Imagine a World Without Her” was an “unusually odious effort because it is so hugely hypocritical and ultimately self-serving.” Even though you know the mass media is a den of liberal iniquity, it still stings a little, and since the chances are pretty good your forthcoming “Hillary’s America” will get the same treatment — the trailer does, after all, include such gems as “What did I learn? All crime is about stealing” — you decide to make a preemptive strike.

How best to show your disdain for the pandering elites who so unfairly slur your work? You think for a moment, and then inspiration strikes. You plug the word “geek” into Getty Images, and behold: your latest masterpiece.

WHY I STRIVE FOR LOW MOVIE RATINGS FROM CRITICS: Because getting high ratings means appealing to guys like this pic.twitter.com/OP0UvSmSrS

To the untutored eye, the stock photo may not look that different from your own, and besides, the figure’s not actually that unattractive. (He kind of looks like Fred Armisen, and that dude goes through chicks like crazy.) Not to mention that saying you “strive for low ratings” after critics trashed your first two movies is kind of like falling on your face and yelling out “I meant to do that!” But nonetheless, you are content that you have landed a telling blow on the collective glass chin of America’s film reviewers. Critical establishment, consider yourself zinged.

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