Welcome

Welcome to the POZ/AIDSmeds Community Forums, a round-the-clock discussion area for people with HIV/AIDS, their friends/family/caregivers, and
others concerned about HIV/AIDS. Click on the links below to browse our various forums; scroll down for a glance at the most recent posts; or join in the
conversation yourself by registering on the left side of this page.

Privacy Warning: Please realize that these forums are open to all, and are fully searchable via Google and other search engines. If you are HIV positive
and disclose this in our forums, then it is almost the same thing as telling the whole world (or at least the World Wide Web). If this concerns you, then do not use a
username or avatar that are self-identifying in any way. We do not allow the deletion of anything you post in these forums, so think before you post.

The information shared in these forums, by moderators and members, is designed to complement, not replace, the relationship between an individual and his/her own
physician.

All members of these forums are, by default, not considered to be licensed medical providers. If otherwise, users must clearly define themselves as such.

Forums members must behave at all times with respect and honesty. Posting guidelines, including time-out and banning policies, have been established by the moderators
of these forums. Click here for “Am I Infected?” posting guidelines. Click here for posting guidelines pertaining to all other POZ/AIDSmeds community forums.

We ask all forums members to provide references for health/medical/scientific information they provide, when it is not a personal experience being discussed. Please
provide hyperlinks with full URLs or full citations of published works not available via the Internet. Additionally, all forums members must post information which are
true and correct to their knowledge.

Finished Reading This? You can collapse this or any other box on this page by clicking the
symbol in each box.

Welcome to Am I Infected

IMPORTANT UPDATE
Posted Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Welcome to the "Am I Infected?" POZ forum.

New members -- those who have posted three or fewer messages -- are permitted to post questions and responses, free of charge (make them count!). Ongoing participation in the "Am I Infected?" forum -- posting more than three questions or responses -- requires a paid subscription.

A seven-day subscription
is $9.99, a 30-day subscription is $14.99 and a 90-day subscription is $24.99.

Anyone who needs to post more than three messages in the "Am I Infected?" forum -- including past, present and future POZ Forums members -- will need to subscribe, with
secure payments made via PayPal.

There will be no charge to continue reading threads in the
"Am I Infected?" forum, nor will there be a charge for participating
in any of the Main Forums; Meds, Mind, Body & Benefits; and Off Topic
Forums. Similarly, all POZ and AIDSmeds pages,
including our "How is HIV
Transmitted?" and "Am I Infected? (A
Guide to Testing for HIV)" lessons, will remain accessible to
all.

NOTE: HIV testing questions will still need to be posted in the "Am I
Infected?" forum; attempts to post HIV symptoms or testing questions in any other forums will be considered violations of our rules of membership and subject to time-outs and permanent bans.

To learn how to upgrade your Forums account
to participate beyond three posts in the "Am I Infected?" Forum, please click here.

Thank you for your understanding
and future support of the best online support service for people living with,
affected by and at risk for HIV.

Author
Topic: Now I may have done it (Read 4218 times)

OK here it goes. just to give you some background i am 27 married for 6 years and had a dumbass attack last night. I was at a risque strip club last night and there is several things that i shouldn't have done that i did. First i paid a African American stripper 60 dollars for sex when she was doing a lap dance ( i only mention she is African American because reading some articles it suggests they are at a higher risk --why is beyond me iam not a racists person)she put on a condom but i was nervous and drunk and could not achieve a full erection. she put the condom on in the booth so i do not know how well but it was covering the head we had sex for about i min in anxiety and nervousness i did ejaculate went to the bath room and took it off -i did not see any skin exposed or holes but it only takes a small hole so i have been told ---i have one child and one on the way---and i know it's no excuse but i wanted a night out to raise some hell since we had just found out of my wife being pregnant---should i be tested ?---if so should i avoid sex with the wife until the results come back ---i can not believe i did this ---appreciate your advice very much ---thanks for the good you do

You did the right thing and used a condom. Condoms have been proven to prevent hiv infection. There are no such things as "small holes" in condoms. When they break, they do so in a very noticeable way. The head of your penis was covered so you were protected.

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

I know i probally shouldn't worry as much as i am but it's hard---I just keep thinking of murphys law and that i did a bad thing and i should deserve the worst.My wifes pregnant and i don't want to hurt her or the unborn baby--and all the possibilities that could have went wrong --i know if she did the deed with me god knows how many times she does it in a shift---i wish i could take back what i done but i can't

I just feel like i have done a real horrible thing ===maybe because i have not had very many sexual encounters----But i feel as if i put my unborn child and wife at risk and do not know what to do to cure it---six weeks seems so far away and 3 months even longer .I am starting to obsess about it and when i something happens that should make me happy i instantly think oh wait I might have screwed my whole life up anyways ---i know alot of people probally feel that way that are in the same boat ---any suggestions ---sorry to be bothersome ---i hope you don't get angry --i do apriciate your help since you don't even know me -----peace out

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

I probally wouldn't be as concerned if i were totally erect and had put the condom on myself -the thing is i have heard there not as effective unless ypur fully erect --Is that mainly to prevent slippage?---i am really guilt stricken --add with that a paranoid disposition in general---are tests at 6 weeks for the most part cocnlusive?-----Now i surf the web for info and alot of sites try to scare the shit out of you --ya know---also the packaging on condoms offer no numbers just they help to prevent the risk of getting hiv-----So many vague terms and it's like they feed into what if's ---thanks for your help

Looking for statistical numbers feeds the "what ifs" more than anything, in my opinion. You are having guilt attacks. Nothing from what you describe indicates a cause for HIV alarm. And yes, the fully erect thing has to do with the increased chance of one coming off.

You did the right thing and used a condom. Condoms have been proven to prevent hiv infection. There are no such things as "small holes" in condoms. When they break, they do so in a very noticeable way. The head of your penis was covered so you were protected.

You do not need to test for hiv over this incident.

Ann

Reread Ann's sage advice. You were never at risk.

And how the hell would you "Harm" your unborn baby? This hysteria only proves the guilt that weighs so heavily in this entire thread. Pick up the pieces and move on.

Brent(Who maintains his head most of the time)

Logged

Blessed with brains, talent and gorgeous tits.

The revolutionary smart set reads The Spin Cycle at least once every day.

You need to know that wallowing in these totally unwarranted fears in terms of HIV is neither a tribute to your higher character nor an expression of love to others in your life including your forthcoming baby.

The very best thing you can do for all concerned is to see clearly what you did, take a good deep breath, let it go and get on with your life.

Anything other or less than that is just wanton self-indulgence, so lay off of that. It's bad for everyone's health. No kidding.

I do appreciate everyone for the work you do and all the posts ---it does help but unfortunately only for a short period of time i may need counseling to prevent panic attacks and deal with this ---I've just always been an unlucky sort of person and this leads me to believe the worst will always happen to me --I'm assuming there is nothing else you can tell me that will help since you have already told me in your expert opinions i do not have anything to worry about but i do thank you for your time ----best of luck to you all and thank you ----If you do read this please post something so i know you have read this i do read the old posts throughout the day to try to help myself

Go get yourself some professional help and see about changing what you consider to be your bad luck. You know life is tough. If you expect it to be otherwise you will constantly be disappointed. We're all unlucky except when we're not. If you get what I am saying.

I know you all probally hate to see my name or another post from me ---Yes i probally now do need mental counseling over this and other probally obvious reasons you all plainly see related to anxiety guilt and overall self esteem issues. I guess i have always have thought of myself as a good father, husband(contrary to hear lately) and a good hearted person.Still it is beyond me why i did what i did and i do take accountability for the bad situation i put myself in and decision i made. I know that if i were not married , no children to support and one in the "oven" so to speak i would not be as concerned. I try hard to contain the fear and guilt but have a hard time due to my responsibilities and the thought of my child (soon to be children) growing up without one parent as a result of my poor decision making. I am not a bad person in my heart i know that --but i have made bad decisions as i know everyone does from time to time i just hope this one does not have a catastrophic result any more than pain staken stress and mental anguish i know burden and punish my self with on a daily basis. I do not know why i post this i guess as an outlet ---i do appreciate you all given me this out let and opportunity to place these thoughts somewhere. Also i appreciate your very well thought out posts and comments that are clearly compassionate and come from the heart---you are a deep man Andy and everyone at some time or another should hear some of your insights and the way you break it down to the brutal truth. ( No offense to anyone else)-peace out

Hiv isn't a punishment sent down to men who stray from their partners and it isn't some set-up to cause you to be found out when you've played away. It is a virus that is transmitted under very specific circumstances, circumstances that did not occur in your incident.

If you need help dealing with your feelings of guilt, as well as the echos of your childhood, the place to get that help is with a therapist, face to face, not here on the internet.

You had protected intercourse and therefore were not at risk for hiv infection.

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

It has been a couple of weeks now and i do feel a little better than b-4 --I think you continuosly for your input as i have over and over again ---i know you say i did not have a test warrented sexual encounter --but i do plan on testing because it seems to be the only way to put this behind me ---my question is is six weeks a accurate time for testing or should i wait for 12 weeks ---i keep getting conflicting info when i look it up ----thanks a million for helping me thru this difficult time

REally i had read on some websites like Medhelp that 6 weeks is 98 percent that u are not infected ---Is that wrong. I know i would still probally have some anxiety issues. But that would probally help some ---This is hard to deal with and i will never ever stray again --I just pray daily this isn't a catastrophic series of events

Yeah and on medhelp he'll tell you heterosexual rarely contract HIV and you don't need to test. You weren't told what test would give you a conclusive result at 6 weeks now were you? Why? Because there are no approved tests to give someone a conclusive result less than 3 months. What would you do if you had a risk? You don't even need to test to begin with. Protected sex is just that, PROTECTED.

No he didn't mention the type pf test to use---they just stated that at 6 weeks 98 percent of people will show if they are positiveor not ---I was just thinking that the standard has always been 3 months and that was when nintendo first came out and now we have x-box and ps3, And laser surgery and such --I just figured they would have came out with a faster way by this point---I guess i'll grind out 3 months and wait then --