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Praise the Lord for “Something Benign”

I wanted to write a quick update since I chose to share about my recent health concerns here.

Too Soon? 🙂

I got my MRI results today and the words that continue to ring in my ears are “it is definitely NOT cancer”. It has been 1 month since my bone scan showed an area of increased activity and an xray confirmed there was definitely something in the bone. They were focused on a part of my hip that had been hurting for over a year but I had dismissed thinking it was tendonitis from running. It was difficult to calm the anxiety during the day and sleep became almost impossible. Cancer patients call it “Scanxiety” because we’ve already been on the receiving end of bad news. Often when we go for scans and wait for results we relive the trauma of the original diagnosis…

the way it felt when the earth dropped out from beneath our feet…

how time seemed like it was moving at warp speed and standing still in the same moment…

how we feel our dreams and plans for the future evaporate in an instant. Not because the disease will ultimately be fatal but because we are forced into an unexpected battle and immediately focus on the near term threat…

how even though we felt perfectly healthy a Dr is telling us we are sick and in the end the treatment will make us sick…

because we know that with this beast of cancer we are never really free.

It became an act of will to keep my mind from constantly wandering through all the scenarios and wondering whether I will re enter an active cancer treatment with chemo and radiation. The 5,000 miles that separate me from my family felt like an insurmountable chasm and at a certain moment the waiting here was too intense that I booked a last minute trip to Seattle. These past few weeks have been overwhelming.

But today my oncologist told me that the results of the MRI were a “Synoviale inclusiecyste” (a certain kind of cyst – this is where the Dutch/English thing can get a bit tricky and I need to do more research). My onc admitted that this was not her area of expertise and proceeded to call some orthopedic surgeons to see what it was exactly and what I should do next. It took a few phone calls and some persistent questions on her part but we reached a level of information I am comfortable with. An orthopedic surgeon looked at the MRI while she was on the phone and also confirmed it was benign and suggested I schedule a consultation with the “hip experts” for how to proceed.

So that is what I will do…in the next few weeks I will meet with a “hip expert” to discuss my options. The most common treatment paths are letting it go and seeing if time will take care of it or surgery. This saga is not over but I am much more comfortable waiting knowing that it is something benign and that it has nothing to do with the breast cancer. Deep breath out.

Someday soon I might be up for cautiously celebrating but right now I just feel like I need a nap.

Thank you for your comment! It is indeed about perspective…and I am very relieved. I’m still not completely sure what kind of cyst and where it is but hopefully that information will become more clear in the next few weeks. xx L