'World's fastest A4' for Essen

Despite its unfathomable adherence to the pop warblings of über-perms Kevin Keegan and ‘The Hof’, it appears that Germany takes tuning very seriously.

The Essen motor show, which opens on 1 December, is the lowered, arched and and be-spoilered proof of this. For among the ‘bahnstormers on display this year is the world’s fastest Audi A4.

Tuned by Alfons Hohenhester, this 3-litre twin-turbo V6 saloon achieved 216mph at Nardo last month. It boasts 650bhp and 531 lb ft, enough to shove this total-traction machine from a standstill to 62mph in 3.4secs.

But even these factoids-on-steroids are outshone by the latest offering from project partner, suspension specialists H&R: 24-karat gold-covered springs!

A bloke in Dubai has already shelled out the extra €2000 (£1355) and had some fitted to his Ferrari F430 Spider. A sort of 'rung what ya blung'...