Saturday, January 29, 2011

I found out over the past years that I'm a girl of extremes. I *LOVE* and I *HATE*. I'm passionate or I'm lethargic. I have a very difficult time giving 100% something I that I don't feel 100% about, you know?

On one hand, I love to be this way. I love to love. I love the joy that comes when I love something. I want everyone else to feel the same way! And then on the other hand, I don't love to hate. I don't love laziness in areas of my life.

There are also moments when I love something one minute, and I hate in the next. How many of you have heard me say that I love my job...and how many times have you heard that I hate it. I've definitely said both and really meant both. But, really, can't I just enjoy my job, and work through the difficulties? Both happen. Does it have to be love and hate?

I've been known to say I wanted to head back to school, get a degree, and work my entire life...and after a different conversation with someone I'm going to quit my job and stay at home for the rest of my life. Can't I come up with some balance?

And yet, aren't there areas in life that we should love and hate? Love Jesus and hate evil. Isn't that a good extreme? Or how about just general love? Isn't it good to just love things? I sure hope so, because I do. Maybe just tone down on the *hate* and continue on the love?

Friday, January 21, 2011

Sitting at the airport again. It's my favourite place to blog. Perhaps it's because I've just spent the last two days in Vancouver and I've had plenty of time to myself and time to just sit and think.

Why is it that people have such a hard time asking for help? Okay, wait, let's be honest, why do *I* have such a hard time asking for help?

Work has been difficult recently. I know. I always say that. And I must add this disclaimer, I really do *love* my job. Perhaps when you really love something you look for the faults or something. Anyways, it's been hard. I've had many moments of frustration and tears. I've had times when I've wondered if it really is worth it. I mean, I'm not sure what I'd do if I threw in the towel, but I'm sure I could find something easier, right? Before you tell me that I'll just find issues with something new (because I already know that!), don't worry, I haven't done anything drastic. I figure if I've stuck on this road over the last 8 months then I can probably ride out anything.

But, back to the hard. I know that things have to change. I don't like the frustration and tears. I want joy and accomplishment. So, I've been analyzing it. WHAT IS MY PROBLEM?! If I need something, I know I just need ask my boss for it and he will do it for me (he is that amazing!).

When looking at the reasons for my frustration, everything was related back to one thing. Lack of understanding. I've never had a job with a mold. There hasn't been a job description. My job is reactive to the next thing on the company agenda. I did admin, then customer service and communication, now I'm on marketing. For one day to another I have no idea what task will be on my plate. The here is the thing, I've never had to come up with these tasks. They've been handed to me. Alex would come, tell me what to do, when to do it, how to do it and why I was doing it. But now, things are changing.

I'm still being give tasks...but they're bigger and the explanation period is smaller, simply because there isn't someone right there to help me. Instead I need to ask for the details. This is different. This is pushing me. This is hard.

I don't like admitting I don't know how to do something or that I need help. I'd like to think that I'll just know it or struggle through it and yes; sometimes that works. But these days, more often that not, I end up just sitting there staring at my computer is frustration for lack of not doing what to do...but rarely to I pick up the phone to ask. Why?

So, as I think about my frustrations. When I wonder why I'm doing something. When I don't know how to do something. When I wonder what exactly that dimension means. When I don't know what a schluter strip is. When I wonder what to do. Just ask. The answer is so simple, but oh so hard. I'd rather be the know it all. JUST ASK.

That's my goal. I've known this for a long time. But you know what, there just comes a time when you need to just do it. So, I will. Oh Lord help me, I will ask.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

I'm back...but not really. I've been itching to post the past few days, but haven't had time. Well, I'm sure I could have squeezed some time in, but you know how it goes. And in all honesty, I don't have time now...I'm working. Shhhh...it'll be quick.

But, I've wanted to post this for awhile. As mentioned before, it was a hard year. Not terrible and probably pretty normal, but life can be tough sometimes. Let's just also say that without Jesus I would not be where I am. He has brought me through this little thing called life and I know He'll continue to be with me every step of the way.

The song "Hold On" by TobyMac has been my theme song for the year...and it looks like it might continue to be the theme for this year too. I love that God will bring us through the moments in life when we feel like we just can't keep going. Big or small. Most of mine are pretty small compared to other, but I'm not comparing, okay?

This year will be challenging. There will be moments when I'd rather just go home and hide, rather than deal with "life". But this year will be good. So good. I'm deciding. I'm going to hold on. Not just to my determination or my thought of "normal", but to Jesus and His unfailing love and grace (where would we be without His grace?!).

This is Monica at Christmas. Just wanted to show her off...little chunk!

And on side note, I'm going to see TobyMac in Vancouver next week and I'm so ridiculously excited! Just thought you should know and be jealous...

Thursday, January 6, 2011

One the best parts of my Christmas this year was my Christmas concert with the New West Symphony and Chorus, "Ring the Bells.

Can I just state how much I love to play the violin? And how much I love to play with this group. It is so refreshing. I keep thinking about it and how those of us in this group have two things in common: We love music and we love Jesus. Guys, the combination of this two things is *amazing*. The joy and emotion that flows from it is so uplifting. Even rehearsal is joy to go to.

"Ring the Bells" was amazing a magical! We'd been practicing these 19 songs for months and boy, were some of them hard! Olivia and I practiced for over 5 hours the weekend before the concert and much more could have been done.

I had lots of favourite moments but a few favourites were:

~Playing "Peace on Earth" (Casting Crowns version). The message of the song is amazing and the string part is out of this world.

~ The guys bursting out in Swahili in "Ring the Bells". They were amazing!

~ And playing "Emmanuel" and "Angels from the Realms". These songs made my heart soar!

Of course I don't really have any great pictures of it, but I snatched a couple of Katie's off FB.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

In looking at some of my posts I wonder what's wrong with me and my life. So often it is just me spouting and panicking over some "moment". But, just to clear the record, my life isn't always like that. But, I think those are the moments that I just need to get a little expression out. Thus, my blog gets the worst of it...or maybe those around me at the moment. :)

It's been awhile. It's been a crazy month. You know, I think my whole life is sometimes spinning out of the control, but I think December was a bit extreme.

But, it was good. SO GOOD. I was able to partake is some amazing things.

To start off...traditions. Everyone has them.

In the past, when we were kids in school we'd all memorize part of the Christmas story and quote it on Christmas Eve. This has since turned into us just reading the story, although we continue to say it in our heads from our years of memorization.

Another is to go to our church Christmas Eve service. We've attended for the last 13 years or something. Usually one, two, or three of us are involved in something. This year it was just I, but I think with the amount I did I made up for the other two slacking off. :)

After the service we head home to have Chinese food with the Sawatzky clan. And oh what fun it is! I love this tradition. We have fun together eating way too much food, playing games, and just being friends. T'is one of my favourite parts of the year!

And then of course the presents at Christmas. My favourite part is the stockings. I love to see the stocks filled with goodies, and get all the "practical" things in life. Socks, underwear, gum, Starbucks cards, etc. Just plain fun. Reid and I fill Mom's stocking and this year we got a little out of had. Her stocking was filled and these was an entire bag fill with more gifts below it.

And as for the goodies, we actually don't do too much baking. But, my favourite baking is: PEPPERNUTS. You Mennonites know what I'm talking. Or maybe it is just my family. It just isn't Christmas without a batch of peppernuts...or three batches.