Get Six-Pack Skratch Abs in 90 Minutes!

As much as we promote a physically active lifestyle, real and nourishing food, and a strong social community we’ve always vexed that we can’t sell either the genetics or the discipline it takes to live a healthier and happier life. From our perspective, a set of well-defined abdominals or “six-pack” clearly symbolizes that health and happiness. But, who has the time, energy, motivation, or even the natural talent to take their shirt off in public and strut their stuff like they own the place. We certainly don’t. We’re trying to run a business.

So to solve this problem, we’re proud to introduce “Skratch Abs” – a temporary tattoo kit that now lets you have the six-pack you’ve always wanted when and where you want them. We recommend putting them on your existing abs before, during, or even after exercise. Really, anytime you want to feel better about yourself, put them and leave them on.

Turns introverts into extroverts and extroverts into better introverts.

Ability to seduce anyone you want and actually follow through (you know what we’re talking about).

No need to change diet.

No need to exercise.

Not biased by genetics.

For sure a better life compared to people who don’t have Skratch Abs.

PROOF:

Everything we make, we test. Ultimately, if it doesn’t work for us, then there’s no way we’re going to put our name, or our name with one less letter, behind it. Despite being somewhat skeptical, we knew there was good evidence that Skratch Abs could even work for our founder, Dr. Allen Lim, who, since starting our company, has not done a single sit-up or bout of physical activity due to the manic demands of a small business. Subsisting on a diet of left over pizza and food he mooches off of other people’s desks, Dr. Lim was in pretty bad shape and we knew that if Skratch Abs worked for him, it would work on anyone.

Skratch Abs is based on the scientific theory “Act As If” (AAI). Dr. Ben Von Affleck originally discovered the theorem in his seminal study examining cognitive strategies in a group of men preparing for their professional broker license in 2000. Dr. Affleck established that if an unlicensed broker simply pretended to be better than he actually was, by changing their appearance or dress, that they actually had a significantly higher chance of passing their professional license exam. Effectively, “acting as if” they were professional created a self-fulfilled prophecy that actually changed their cognitive ability, resulting in higher test scores.

Years later, in 2008 our founder Dr. Allen Lim discovered that if a person were to “act as if” profound physical changes were also possible. Taking a scrappy group of athletes on a team that had never competed in the Tour de France, he convinced the athletes to act as if they were going to win the Tour de France, to act as if they were bad ass mofos who did not give a frack about who they were racing against, and to act as if they were simply the best in the world. The result was a 4th place finish for Christian Vande Velde, who had previously never finished in the top 20 of the Tour.

SUMMARY:

If a person simply pretends that they have sexy abs, they will eventually get them. But, to begin the process it’s necessary to manifest one’s destiny by drawing or applying an image of a “six-pack” to one’s abdominal wall. This convinces both the person and their associates that the person is indeed a living sex symbol worthy of a better life, ensuring that this better life actually happens. Also known as the “Pygmalion Effect” or “Stereotyping” this phenomenon is seen in almost every walk of life, showcasing the clear relationship between external perception and internal adaptation. We didn’t make these facts up. We just made it easier to take advantage of them with Skratch Abs.

NOTE:

All profits will be donated to the Chef Ann Foundation, an organization dedicated to providing school communities with the tools, training, resources and funding that enables them to create healthier food and redefine lunchroom environments.