by Roberto Friedman

Out There's love of cultural adventures takes us all around
the Bay Area and beyond. Earlier this month we were lured deep into the heart
of what is usually terra incognita for us,
namely the tourist mecca of Fisherman's Wharf right there on the San Francisco
waterfront. We couldn't say no to an overnight stay at the Hotel Zephyr,
which opened in 2015 after a $32 million renovation. We decided to be
out-of-towners for a night.

The Hotel Zephyr is centrally located in the whole carnival
atmosphere of the Wharf. Its redesign makes the most of its midcentury modern
motel architecture, presenting an International Style facade to Beach St., complete
with porthole windows. Our room didn't have a porthole, but it did have a nice
balcony that overlooked the interior courtyard, see below. We also had a great
view out over F-Wharf low-rises to the Bay and that strange little Forbes
Island restaurant, and in the other
direction, Coit Tower all lit up
and spectacular.

The courtyard, known as "the Yard
," is home to many types of sporting games,
such as shuffleboard, ping pong, billiards and the like. Darts and backgammon
boards abound. Personally, OT doesn't go to hotels to play games, at least not
the kind that involve checkers. But F-Wharf appeals to families and groups of
all ages, so we see the logic, indeed the beauty of this decorating scheme. The
children around us were all engaged and busy with games, which kept them out of
trouble and far from our cocktails. So you might say it was a win-win situation.

There are fire pits and plenty of outdoor seating in the Yard,
and a "periscope" through which you can see views from a rotatable
camera set on the roof. We quickly warmed to the hotel's quirky design. We loved
the vertical bike rack in the lobby and the wall hung with buoys. Where the
buoys are. In our guest room, beds had pillows festooned with giant graphics of
gulls. They reminded us of our favorite headline from a recent Brighton tabloid.
"Cheeky Gull Grabs Crisps!"

Back in the Yard, a classic, 18-foot Shasta sleeper trailer
dubbed "the Camper" has been
refashioned as a food truck where guests can grab a locally-sourced bite (7
a.m.-7 p.m.) Our breakfast of fruit salad, yoghurt and hot black tea hit the spot.
Then it was time to ride along for the Electric Tour Company
's private Segway
tour. Now, your gay uncle OT is hugely uncoordinated,
bur after a short training lesson in the back lot, even we could drive one of
these things. Our charming young guide Cameron
had us zipping over to Washington Square, up the hill
to Coit Tower, and zig-zagging down that "crookedest" Lombard
St. Highly recommended even for complete
spazzes like OT.

Our last stab at an F-Wharf attraction was taking the San
Francisco Dungeon Tour, a harrowing walkthrough
of 10 scary scenes from gory SF history (Gold Rush, Barbary Coast
, plague, Alcatraz
ghosts) staged with actors, scenery and special
effects. In one of these tableaux, it was a shivery thrill to be Shanghai'd by
none other than our friend the arts writer Erin Blackwell
, playing a runner who ferried drugged victims out
to a ship headed for white slavery in China. We always knew that would be our
fate. Later Blackwell told us about her role, "Nikko
is a true historical character, originally from
Lapland, although no one does that accent!" Great ghoulish fun!

Newspaper correction of the week, found in The New York
Times Magazine. "Because of an editing
error, an article on March 26 about Hawaii gave an incorrect English
translation of the Hawaiian word 'Kilauea.' It is 'much spreading,' not 'mush
spreading.'" Mush obliged.