Parental alienation involves the systematic brainwashing, poisoning and manipulation of children with the sole purpose of destroying a loving and warm relationship they once shared with a parent. My story involves this form of child abuse & exploring the bias favouring a mother in the social ecosystem around Family Law.

I have met and heard the tragic stories of many parents. PA is a function, by and large, of a custodial ex-partner, although some alienation can start while the couple is still together.

This blog is a story of experiences and observations of dysfunctional Family Law (FLAW), an arena pitting parent against parent, with children as the prize. Due to the gender bias in Family Law, that I have observed, this Blog has evolved from a focus solely on PA to one of the broader Family/Children's Rights area and the impact of Feminist mythology on Canadian Jurisprudence and the Divorce Industry.

Sunday, June 6, 2010

Amid the media frenzy over Tiger Woods and
Bengals receiver Chris Henry, a key aspect of both stories slipped
through the cracks: Like millions of other men, Woods and Henry
were -- allegedly at least -- the victims of domestic violence
perpetrated by their wives or girlfriends. Beyond its brutal physical
and psychological costs, domestic violence against men exacts a cruel
economic toll at the personal, societal and national levels.

For
the most part, the media, authorities and average citizens see domestic
violence as a crime that is committed by men and victimizes women.
Consequently, funding to combat the problem has overwhelmingly been
spent on programs that support women.

Widely Ignored Problem

And yet, more than 200
survey-based studies show that domestic violence is just as likely to
strike men as women. In fact, the overwhelming mass of evidence
indicates that half of all domestic violence cases involve an exchange
of blows and the remaining 50% is evenly split between men and women who
are brutalized by their partners.Part of the reason that this problem is widely ignored lies in
the notion that battered males are weak or unmanly. A good example of
this is the Barry Williams case: Recently, the former Brady Bunch
star sought a restraining
order against his live-in girlfriend, who had hit him, stolen
$29,000 from his bank account, attempted to kick and stab him and had
repeatedly threatened his life.

It is hard to imagine a media outlet mocking a battered woman, but E!
online took the opportunity to poke fun at Williams, comparing the
event to various Brady Bunch episodes. Similarly, when Saturday
Night Live ran a segment in which a frightened Tiger Woods was
repeatedly brutalized by his wife, the show was roundly
attacked -- for being insensitive to musical guest Rihanna, herself
a victim of domestic violence.

Lack of Research

Sometimes it is impossible to ignore the problem, but when domestic
violence against men turns deadly -- as in the case of actor Phil
Hartman -- the focus tends to shift to mental illness. The same can
be said of the Andrea Yates case, which many pundits presented as the
story of how an insensitive
husband can drive a wife to murder.

Much of the information on domestic violence against men is anecdotal,
largely because of the lack of funding to study the problem. Although
several organizations explore domestic violence, the biggest single
resource is the Department of Justice, which administers grants through
its Office on Violence Against Women.

For years, the DOJ has explicitly
refused to fund studies that investigate domestic violence against
men. According to specialists in this field, the DOJ recently agreed to
cover this problem -- as long as researchers give equal time to
addressing violence against women.

First National Study

Researchers Denise Hines and Emily Douglas recently completed the first
national study to scientifically measure the mental and social impact of
domestic violence on male victims. Interestingly, their research was
funded by the National Institutes of Mental Health, not the DOJ. Not
only does this demonstrate the lack of resources for researchers of this
issue, but it also suggests that male battering is perceived as a
mental health issue, not a crime.

This decriminalization of domestic violence against men affects research
conclusions. While survey-based studies have found that men and women
commit domestic violence in equal numbers, crime-based studies show that
women are far more likely to be victimized. This inconsistency begins
to make sense when one considers that man-on-woman violence tends to be
seen through a criminal lens, while woman-on-man violence is viewed more
benignly.

A recent 32-nation
study revealed that more than 51% of men and 52% of women felt that
there were times when it was appropriate for a wife to slap her
husband. By comparison, only 26% of men and 21% of women felt that there
were times when it was appropriate for a husband to slap his wife.
Murray Straus, creator of the Conflict Tactics Scale and one of the
authors of the study, explained this discrepancy: "We don't perceive men
as victims. We see women as being more vulnerable than men."
Kneed In The Groin

This trend becomes particularly striking when one considers the 1996
case of Minnesota Vikings quarterback Warren
Moon, who tried to restrain his wife after she threw a candlestick
at his head and kneed him in the groin. Subsequently charged with
spousal abuse, he was only acquitted after his wife admitted that she
attacked him -- and that her wounds were self-inflicted. Ironically, her
admission of fault did not result in charges being brought against her.

While Moon's trial was particularly high profile, his situation is
actually very common. In fact, studies
have found that a man who calls the police to report domestic
violence is three times more likely to be arrested than the woman who is
abusing him.

The mainstream perception of domestic violence also impacts the
resources that are available to battered men. For example, the Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men and
Women, the only national toll-free hot line that specializes in helping
male victims of domestic violence, has faced numerous roadblocks in its
search for funding. In Maine, where the helpline is based, the surest
route to funding is through membership in the Maine Coalition to End
Domestic Violence.

On A Shoestring

But, according to Helpline director Jan Brown, the Coalition refused to
even issue the program an application for membership, effectively
denying it access to funding. Today, 45 Helpline volunteers field 550
calls per month, 80% of which are from men or people who are looking for
help on behalf of a man. Operating with a yearly budget of less than
$15,000, it provides intensive training to its workers and offers
victims housing, food, bus tickets and a host of other services.

The Helpline's sheltering services are informal and ad hoc, largely
because its lack of access to funding makes a shelter financially
impossible. In fact, of the estimated 1,200
to 1,800 shelters in the U.S., only one -- the Valley
Oasis shelter in Antelope Valley, Calif. -- provides a full range
of shelter services to men. And, on average, less than 10% of OVW
funds allocated to fight domestic violence are used to help men.

For male victims of domestic violence, the legal system can become
another tool for abuse. As in the Moon case, battered men are often
likely to find themselves arrested, even when they are the ones who call
the police. And, even after the arrest, the process of incarceration,
restraining orders, divorce court and child custody hearings continue to
disadvantage men.

A High Cost

Restraining orders are a particularly difficult hurdle. Radar
Services, a watchdog organization, estimates
that approximately 85% of the roughly 2 million temporary restraining
orders that are issued every year are made against men. In many states,
the requirements for an order are exceedingly vague: In Oregon, for
example, a "fear" of violence is sufficient for a restraining order,
while Michigan
issues them to protect family members against "fear of mental harm."

But there's nothing vague about the effect of restraining orders: They
often turn men out of their homes, deny them access to children and
result in further personal costs as millions of men have to find new
places to live, hire lawyers and pay other expenses. For some men, as
Hines and Brown point out, the legal system gives abusive wives and
girlfriends tools to continue attacks even after their relationships
end.

As Straus notes, "The preponderance of [domestic violence] resources
should be made available to women. They are injured more often, are more
economically vulnerable, and are often responsible for the couple's
children. That having been said, more resources need to be made
available to men."

There is no doubt that domestic violence against men can be reduced; the
domestic violence initiatives of the past 40 years have brought a
hidden crime to light and provided protection for millions of women. The
next step is to admit that domestic violence is not a male or female
problem, but rather a human problem, and that a lasting solution must
address the cruelty -- and suffering -- of both sexes.

What to know what I think is horrible..?Is that in the court of law in 2013, we are not treated equal. A man stands up against the world, admits he's been abused and doesn't get the same treatment a women would..crazy that we fought for equality and yet it's almost like we have abused the equality

Favourite Quotes

“The job of a father is this : to help his children develop, to teach them to express and master their emotions; to avoid physiological distress, to provide a context for their experiences; to help them persevere, reach their goals and take on responsibilities; and to instil the roles of citizen, partner and parent. In short, it is to fill their bellies with bread, their brains with wisdom and their hearts with love and courage.” Camil Bouchard, “On Father’s Ground” 2002.

Some men see things as they are and say, "Why?" I dream of things that never were and say, "Why not?" ~ George Bernard Shaw ~ also quoted by Robert F. Kennedy, US Senator and Presidential Candidate assassinated in 1968.

Happiness makes up in height for what it lacks in length. ~ Robert Frost

First they ignore you, then they ridicule you, then they fight you, then you win. - Mahatma Gandhi

Search my blogs with a custom keyword search by Google

Eastern Standard Time - North America

Sault Ste. Marie, Ontario

Western Australia (DST from last Sunday in Oct. to last Sunday in March)

Perth, Western Australia

Some Gems on relationships

Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband.

The motto of this Father's Rights Activist

"It is not the critic who counts, not the man who points out how the strong man stumbled or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood who strives valiantly, who errs and comes short again and again ... and who, at the worst, if he fails at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat." Theodore Roosevelt,

Facts on violence in Canada Domestic and Otherwise

Family violence in Canada: A statistical profile, 2009.

Of the nearly 19 million Canadians who had a current or former spouse in 2009, 6.2% or 1.2 million reported they had been victimized physically or sexually by their partner or spouse during the five years prior to the survey. This proportion was stable from 2004 (6.6%), the last time the victimization survey was conducted, and down from 1999 (7.4%).

A similar proportion of men and women reported experiencing spousal violence during the five years prior to the survey. Among men, 6.0% or about 585,000, encountered spousal violence during this period, compared with 6.4% or 601,000 women.

Total 611, men 465, women 146Rate of homicides with firearms has increased 24% since 2002. Handgun use on increase (gangs don't register their weapons)Women victims 24% - lowest proportion everMen Victims 76%Both the rate of females killed (0.87 per 100,000 population), as well as the proportion(24%), were the lowest since 196162 spousal homicides - no change from 2007Lowest rate in 40 years45 women 17 (27.4%)men

Many DV homicides of men are not classified as such and this number is higher than 27.4%.

In 2009 based on a million couples it can fairly be said 999,998 wives do not kill their husbands and 999,995 husbands do not kill their wives. (See Pg. 15 chart modified from the rate per 100,000.)

In 2009, 49 women and 15 men were killed by a current or former spouse (excludes one same-sex spousal victim).

Total homicides 610, Men 450. Gang related 20.3 percent.69.1 % of firearm related deaths involved handgunsWomen 160, In 2009 it represented the second lowest proportion (26%) of female homicide victims since data were first collected. The rate of female victims has generally been declining since the late 1960s.

Profile

I am Politically active and right of centre on most issues with the odd exception such as legalization of "Mary Jane".
I advocate on changes to Family Law - an incredibly dysfunctional arena where parents are pitted against one another and children are the victims.
My picture will sometimes show me as a younger man simply because I like them.

An Alienated Child

Is a troubled child

American Coalition for Fathers & Children Petition

A quote by a well known Canadian Jurist

The Honorable Justice John Gomery of Canada stated, “Hatred is not an emotion that comes naturally to a child. It has to be taught. A parent who would teach a child to hate the other parent represents a grave and persistent danger to the mental and emotional health of that child.”

(The above quote arises from PSM vs. AJC, a decision rendered by Mr. Justice John Gomery on February 15 1991 (SCM 500-12-184613895), and confirmed by the unanimous judgment of the Court of Appeal on June 14 1991, the trial judge was confronted by a case involving four children caught up in a heated custody battle between their parents whereby the children became "catastrophically" alienated from their mother.)A good paper on PAS for lawyers by a lawyer, Anne-France Goldwater (Avocate), and excerpts from the above trial are located here.