Reply To: Threw away 15 years…

Elfess, The way you describe that you feel – all of it- is a totally normal response to being betrayed and abused, and to have suffered a huge life changing loss. It is the worst feeling in the world and a horror. His behavior and the motives behind it are wrong, and the way you feel and the destruction he left in your life is why lying and cheating are wrong.

It is very difficult but you will feel better. I never believed I could feel this way, but now at 5 years out I saw my ex psychopath at a funeral recently and I genuinely felt so very glad that he is gone out of my life. Not what I thought I should feel, but what I naturally felt based on the reality of how good my life is without him.

You have a lot to grieve for having been robbed of much over the last 15 years of your life. When you feel up to it, consider balancing your grief, which is a healthy and rational feeling for you at this time, with recognizing the good gifts life has given you – perhaps friends and family, your job, the opportunity to further your education, your health, food, shelter, clothing, and the simple fact that you are alive and in a nation that is a better place to live than many places in this world.

You have lost much, but you take with you wherever you go in life your ability to love and to have genuine relationships with others, and your good character. Your ex abuser can’t take those wonderful traits away from you.

Everyone’s life is different, but here’s something that happened for me. I met my husband when I was in my thirties and my son was born when I was 36. (The psychopath who targeted me came later, after I was widowed). Although you’ve lost a lot due to your ex abuser’s deception, it sounds like you have a lot of lifetime ahead of you and when the time is right you will have a good relationship with a man of good character who appreciates you and cares about your well being, as you will for him.