One of our (my) greatest challenges.

I called a friend the other night to talk about forgiveness. I want to forgive someone. But, as we all know, it’s not easy. I told my friend that it’s not about the other person – it’s about my carrying around negative energy. I can feel it inside of me and I want to let it go. We agreed to think about how to go about forgiving when you still feel anger.

After we got off the phone, it came to me that genuine forgiveness goes deeper than the pain in your mind. It’s a matter of the heart. And, it’s not about the other person. It’s about our own relationship to the past.

Sometimes it is too early to forgive because you have to go through the feelings to get to the forgiveness part. And sometimes (unfortunately) that takes longer than you think.

One of my favorite writers, Caroline Myss, refers to the inability to forgive (ourselves or others), as the strongest poison to the human spirit. She’s right. The lack of forgiveness cuts right to the core of our ability to enjoy life, because as long as we’re tightly holding on to some injustice, we are investing emotional energy into keeping those feelings alive. We remain the victim. And, these ties to our past – to the negative events in our lives – binds us like the burlap we put on our trees in the winter — it’s protection for a little while, but if it remains on too long – it will eventually kill the tree. In other words, we are the ones who suffer the most.

I’m not saying that you should forget what has precipitated those feelings – you need that memory to avoid similar experiences. That was a lesson from the universe in that situation. Guru Singh once discussed this topic and reminded us that we’re not supposed to say, “what you did is okay.” What we’re supposed to say is “what you did is what you did.” It’s about letting go of any responsibility for someone else’s actions toward you.

One thing I know for sure (and I know very little!), true forgiveness is true healing. Not for the other person. That’s not our job. Letting go and forgiving – will bring healing to us. At that’s the lesson of life.

To forgive means to go forward from a memory into the present moment. ~Guru Singh