Saturday, April 8, 2017

Question: I had a friend and he was my dearest and best friend. There was great love and understanding between us. We were there for each other. I loved him greatly and still love him. He means a lot to me. But in January we had a small misunderstanding and since then he has stopped talking to me. I tried many times to set things right between us but he is adamant. He ignores all my messages and it has greatly affected me. He is the only friend I have. I miss him greatly. I am emotionally disturbed. I have been praying to God to give him back to me. I humbly request you to pray for me – for my friend to understand. He also needs emotional and physical healing. He is very sick.

Answer: Greetings to you in Jesus wonderful name! Thanks for writing these important things. I would love to speak to you regarding these with an understanding of sensitivity that you feel towards this issue and at the same time have a better understanding of what we can expect out of it by the guidance that the Word of God gives.

Mainly from what you have said I understand that your friend is a boy who is dearest and best friend to you being a girl. Even in the Bible a godly man writer named Agur the son of Jakeh calls the friendship between a boy and a girl is too wonderful for him to understand and that he does not understand the way of a man with a virgin (Prov 31:18-19). I first of all believe that you are a Christian and your friend is also a Christian as you call him dearest and best friend, based on the Scripture God wants His child to get married to another one of His child only, and never to an unbeliever (2 Cor 6:14-15; 1 Cor 7:39). First of all, can Christian women and men be friends? I mean that it is ok to have a casual Christ honoring friendship, but I do not think that it is alright for both of them to be intimate in anyway in their relationship because any friendship between the opposite sexes are bound to unavoidable risks which are unreciprocated feelings, sexual temptations, undermining marriage and the sanctity of it. But if it is a casual friendship with a Christian opposite gender, always be aware of appropriate boundaries, clear communication without deviation and seeing them as community rather than a private affair.

Having said the above, I believe that your relationship is little more than a friendship but rather a love affair. I mean you might have thought about him seriously as a potential partner whom you might marry. That you had great feelings of emotions within you for him. But personally I would say, that if we really want to honor God with our marriage, it is better to stay pure not only physically, but also emotionally before our marriage, I mean we should get in to a serious love relationship only after our marriage, not even before it as I have seen many broken engagement due to unavoidable circumstances in the life of people, this is what keeps marriage honorable among all who honor it as a sacred institution of God who leads it by Himself (Heb 13:4). The Bible also says, do not stir up love until it is time for a serious relationship that pleases you both and God with in marriage, the trio who hold the marriage together until the end (Sos 2:7; Mal 2:14-15). So I believe that this should be our God honoring standard that we should normally set in our Christian lives.

In any relationship misunderstanding are bound to happen because we as humans are not perfect, but two imperfect individuals come together in a clash of understanding and agree to disagree or agree to agree sometimes which builds a common bond of relationship which develops over a period of time, whether it is in friendship or even within a marriage family life. But one thing we should do for this is, before the suns sets, we should choose to forgive the other persons fault unconditionally before God, and even forgive one another by initiating to ask forgiveness to the other person rather than waiting for them to respond, and in some cases wait for it until they are convicted and ask for forgiveness to us if we have done no fault at all(Matt 5:22, 23, 24-25, 26; 18:21-22; Rom 12:18). As God forgives our faults when we confess to him we too must forgive others fault (1 John 1:9), then forget it by placing it in the hands of God as God forgets (Eph 4:26, 27, 32; Heb 8:12; Isa 43:25). Throw those things as far from you mind as possible by the grace of God where it will not be able to affect your emotion and your present life, forget the past, live in the present and reach out to the wonderful future that God has for you (Psa 103:12, 13; Php 3:13; 4:6-7; Jer 29:11). Having done this, you are ready to move further to the next step in your life.

If a adult young boy has stopped talking to you, it might be because he might have got offended by you of which you have tried to set it right, but he is not willing to let go of the offense because he does not have Christian values like you do I think. Or he as a young adult might have found another female company for himself, while you because of your old emotions, might have been expecting him to respond to youbecause of it, and also you might not have been fully knowing what is going on his life at this point of time. I would suggest you to let go of the past and let God take control of your life, indeed He has a silver lining for every dark cloud that gathers around you to discourage you in your path with God. In fact, only during these times of rejection, you can come to know who your real friends are, and come to a deeper relationship with Jesus who is the closer friend than a Brother or a Sister in Christ or even in the natural (Prov 18:24). So utilize this time to develop a deeper intimacy with Jesus as your real friend in life.

If this boy is so adamant now and ignores all your messages to affect you greatly, then how can you depend on him to share a better relationship in the future when he is not dependable and committed to you? Always start a relationship after marriage where there will always be a commitment and dependability for you by mutual promise before God. Only this will honor God. Don't let this boy affect you and pull down your life in to depression and wastefulness of mind and soul anymore. Stop it!

Choose the right thing, by asking God to give you wisdom to ask for female friends to share, or ask God for a person who is in God's mind for you to be revealed to you so that you can pursue hishand in marriage if you and your parents think that it is time for you to get married (Jam 1:5-6). You might miss this friend because of your past, but he is not your only friend, as I said Jesus is by your side, invite Him in to your life and ask Him sorry for having neglected Him till now in your life, for not having kept him as your first best friend in your life (John 15:14). Greater love has no one than this, than for Jesus to give His life for you to be a friend to himself and to make you a friend with God (John 15:13). He will never leave you nor forsake you in this life and also in the life to come, He is your helper to help you in all your present times of need (Heb 13:5-6; Psa 46:1). Stay true to Him always!

Now that you know God is with you to help you through your emotional disturbance, pray to God not deciding beforehand whether you want God to bring him back to you or not, as you are not married with him yet I believe, so better pray to God, "O Lord I thank you for this past friend I had, sorry I did not have much discernment to know the above things I know now backthen, to choose a relationship with a boy like him of which I should have had only a casual friendship and not intimate one before marriage. Forgive me for my fault. But thank you I forgive him and release him now in to your hand. I ask you for your will to be done in my life, whether you want my friend return back to me or not I do not know, or he wants to move ahead without me, it is not my will but your will be done in my life from now on I pray in Jesus wonderful name. Amen! May your peace, joy and righteousness rule me in my life now and forevermore. Amen! Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. I love you and want to live for you God!"

Now that you have prayed the above prayer from your heart and have invited Jesus for a close relationship with Him, have a quiet time set daily with Jesus and also tell him all about yourself and hear him speak in your heart daily, your life will never be the same, and you as a child of God in your future will become not only blessed abundantly, but built up by God to become a supernatural blessing to many other through your abundant life. Praying that all will be well with you!

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