It's only Wednesday, and things are already going wrong. Your coffee maker spilled everywhere, your commute to work was a traffic jam, Apple rumors are driving you nuts, and the first thing you notice on your desk is a note from your boss reprimanding you. It's easy to lose your cool in the moment, and make a knee-jerk reaction you'll hate yourself for later. Here's how to track what's causing those reactions, and teach yourself to chill out.

Let's be clear: it's not a good idea to stifle your anger all the time, nor is it always a bad idea to unleash a knee-jerk reaction now and again. But more often than not, we do something embarrassing when we're upset, especially when the reaction doesn't have a chance to get filtered through your brain. So, with that in mind, let's take a look at some of the psychological tactics you can employ, as well as a means to root out what gives you those reactions so you can condition yourself to stay calm.

Imagine Yourself as a Fly on the Wall

In some cases, managing an "in the heat of the moment" anger is all about perspective. One simple trick to manage your anger is to imagine yourself as a fly on the wall. The point is to distance yourself and see the bigger picture. Researchers recently published an article in the Journal of Experimental Psychology confirming the fly on the wall approach often works:

These findings demonstrate that people can self-distance in the heat of the moment, and that doing so reduces aggressive thoughts, angry feelings, and aggressive behavior.

You don't need to do any complex thought, or even distance yourself physically from a situation. This is the best part: you can actually use this technique in the heat of the moment. Just pull back your point of view to look at the larger picture and distance yourself emotionally from the event. It's a good method to use when you don't have time for other actions.

Ask Why? (and Other Questions)

If you're too worked up to create that mental distance of imagining yourself as a fly on the wall, it might also be worth slowing the whole process down by asking questions. Obviously, this only works if your anger stems from a person, but it's still handy to keep the idea in your in your chill-out toolkit. The key here is to turn your anger into curiosity. You can do this by just asking "why?" Or take it step it a step further and follow blogger Dustin Curtis' advice to force yourself to ask three questions about what's making you angry:

I've started forcing myself to ask the other person at least three questions about their opinion. Forming those questions helps me think. Often, my gut negative opinion changes. Sometimes, the questions change the other person's opinion. There is no downside.

In those heat of the moment confrontations, three questions can slow down the conversation to cool it off. If your anger comes from something you can't control—say, traffic, or a flight delay—you can also ask yourself those same three questions. In my own experience, three questions are often enough to curb those rising knee-jerk reactions.

Don't Vent. Stop, and wait.

"Walk it off," "stop and breathe," and "take a time out," are all ancient pieces of advice, but they really do work when you can actually utilize them. As we've noted before, venting frustration doesn't help you feel any better, and sometimes all you need is a little physical distance. If you can slow down in a situation, or walk away completely, do it. That distance and time will help you formulate your reaction better, and might even curb your anger completely.

You'll find tons of different anger management techniques out there, and in the end, it's about finding what works best for you. You'll have to experiment a little to get it right. Better still? Figure out the real causes and start preparing yourself ahead of time. Photo by San José Library.

Track Your Angry Reactions and Control Them Before They Start

The above methods are great for calming yourself down and making a rational choice instead of a knee-jerk, angry reaction. Better still is stopping those moments before they even start. To do that, one method is to fill out our survey that tracks everything you do. This is great for rooting out if your angry moments are caused by things like food, lack of sleep, or other similar activities. By the end, you'll see the cause and a solution.

However, sometimes those heat of the moment responses have nothing to do with how you're taking care of yourself. They just happen. For those moments, I like to write them down, along with the cause. Here's what I usually do:

When I get irrationally angry about something I note the time and reason behind my knee-jerk reaction.

Next, I write down the cause (or suspected cause), who I'm with, and location (mall, driving, reading at home, etc). This might be as minor as a headline in a news story or getting cut off in traffic.

I keep a log of all this stuff in a notepad, organized by location.

Once everything is organized by location, I try to make the connections for what's causing problems.

For instance, when I look over my notes, I'll see that I get angry when I'm shopping, especially when I go later in the evening. Solution? Stop going later in the evening, or mentally prepare myself for that moment so I know what to expect. I also have certain friends who are good at getting me riled up, or even websites that I know will probably get a rise out of me. So, before I head to those places, I think about the potential situations, plan accordingly (leave earlier during rush hour, take a long walk before the mall, etc), and dive in knowing I'm going to run into a moment where I'm going to want to get angry at something for no reason.

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A little mental preparation goes a long way for making those moments manageable. Once you know your common triggers, it's a lot easier to stay calm when you run into them. Photo by Guudmorning!.