Midwest becomes, improbably, neat

Published 4:00 am, Sunday, November 24, 1996

1996-11-24 04:00:00 PDT MIDWEST -- DID YOU know that one-third of the population of the United States lives within 500 miles of Wisconsin?

Perhaps you are aware that Michigan has more than 15,000 lakes. But, did you realize that - other than Lake Erie, which you can almost park cars on - all of Ohio's lakes are human-made?

And what U.S. county do you suppose has the most covered bridges? Madison in Iowa? Wrong. Parke in Indiana. Indiana, in fact, boasts 104 covered bridges.

There are hundreds more such factoids in Carolyn Lieberg's new book, "Calling the Midwest Home: A Lively Look at the Origins, Attitudes, Quirks and Curiosities of America's Heartlanders" (Wildcat Canyon Press.)

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Isn't that neat?

"Neat" is still a Midwestern kind of word, by the way, even here at the fin de siecle. It's monosyllabic and no-nonsense. Fin de siecle is not a Midwestern kind of phrase, unless we happen to be sitting in a college French class.

Which reminds me: Of the Midwest's 599 colleges and universities, 511 are private.

I could be wrong, but I'll bet that this folksy little compilation of historical facts, statistics, essays, informal analyses, personal musings and cornball humor is going to sell like hotcakes this holiday season.

(Pancake suppers are still a tradition in many Midwestern towns - "supper" being the meal that is served at the time non-Midwesterners eat "dinner." )

I suspect this for two reasons:

First, the Midwest is overdue to be culturally in. We've had our romance with New England, California, the Pacific Northwest, the Southwest, the Montana-Wyoming-Idaho of brooding writers and (thanks to the president) the Bubba South. It's time for that largely landlocked expanse from Ohio to the Dakotas.

The second reason is because tons of people on both coasts are from the Midwest. Even if we make fun of them, we are inextricably tangled in our roots. Our friends think of us as Midwesterners, no matter how long we've lived in New York, L.A., Boston or San Francisco, and they tend to funnel Midwestern stuff our way.

Thus transplants may groan when they are given the book, but "Calling the Midwest Home" will be kept around. They will tell themselves, "I'll just read this foreword" by Chicago columnist Bob Greene. And they won't stop.

On page 4 they will read:

"Twin Ditch Site, Ill., is the location of the oldest house in the Midwest. Archaeologists date it from 9,500 years ago. Talk about calling the Midwest home."

By the time they hit page 143 and the chapter, "How We Have Fun," they no longer will regard comments like that last one as dopey and homespun. They will read -

"Midwesterners know how to enjoy each other and how to have a good time. It doesn't always come naturally, but they get better each year" - and they will chuckle.

Heh-heh. Humor.

Not that this is a perfect book. A capsule biography of Cole Porter on page 197 calls him an "Illinoisan." Yikes. The sophisticated songwriter was born in Peru, Ind.

Being true to my trusting and optimistic Midwestern character, however, I give Lieberg the benefit of the doubt. I assume the Porter gaffe is the exception, not the rule.

Lieberg is no scribbling dilettante after all; she's a hardworking academic at the University of Iowa. From her acknowledgments, it sounds as if her book is the product of years of library research.

Besides, I like her face. It's big and open. In her photo on the back of the book, she wears a slightly self-conscious, goofy grin that says, "This is kind of neat, huh?"

To get folks into a contemplative state of mind, Lieberg's publishers - a bunch of transplanted Midwesterners living and working in Berkeley - are sponsoring an old-fashioned essay contest. Midwestern natives can share their thoughts on "the unique aspects of the Midwestern character."

The winner gets 500 bucks and her / his essay published in Midwesterner magazine. The deadline is Dec. 31. Wildcat Canyon Press has more info.

Need inspiration? Consider this gem I found on page 218:

"The Indiana General Assembly once debated changing the value of pi from 3.1416 to three, since it was easier to work with."