IT WAS BETTER IF I WERE KILLED this morningWAS BETTER if I did, A DEADLY ACCIDENT WITH THE SCOOTER

HAVE KILLED ME ANYWAY, SEEMS TO ME TO LIVE A NIGHTMARE, ARE DEAD TO BE ALIVE .......... and I hope that Andrew, Ilaria, Katienne ( i can't say Gianluca, because he is autistic ) will read me , to day or one day !Your mom to day ............... is as dead , because I CAN'T SEE YOU ANYMORE, and I can't talk to you anymore........ and you know why? Because somebody say , that i am crazy, and not give me the chance to prove and demonstrate, that I AM NOT.

They closed my case! Given me only 10 days (usually give 30 days) to appeal. I only have 10 days to find a lawyer that I can pay in installments, and it 'also summer, lawyers are on vacation, and will have to 'sweat, more' than already 'do, to be able to pay for it, sacrificing everything' that gain, just to assert my rights as a mother. I'm not a drug addict, I'm not an alcoholic, and I've never been in prison.

And I work two jobs at the contact with the public, customer service, every day, and several hours a day, and as I could, if I'm crazy? I also asked the judge ............. how could I?????????????????

I can not live without you, no, you are my life, my loves!! The only reason that your mom and 'here, here in Richmond, United States ..............................and 'for you, ONLY FOR YOU! I do not have a family here, do not even have real friends here, and you do not even know that I no longer 'a boyfriend, No, Wade and I no longer be' together, and a few days before Christmas. Mom lives alone in a rented room, from the first of January. That I no longer 'car, which mom had to sell last year to go to Italy to find a job, which I have not found to be able to afford a lawyer to assert my rights as a mother, a mother who loves her children and shy do not give up for anything in the world.Unfortunately, I have news for you, for you my children adorable, and also to all my friends and family. If by July 16, do not have a lawyer to appeal ............... And I'm doomed not to see you no more ', not even to talk with you over the phone .....I have no reason to exist, but I am against suicide, 'cause if I kill myself, I can only prove that I'm crazy as they say. So, Mom, do not have a reason to stay here! Anywhere in the world go ', but I can not stay here no more', know that you are here, close to me, and I can not see you, I embrace you, pamper you, love you, not even talking ...... No, mom does not make it 'more'! I can not even go to Italy, do not give me a job ........... Go 'well, maybe California, Florida, New York, or Dubai, or Australia or what ever ....................

Sonia starts again, goes away, after 14 years wandering, again. I shot throughout Italy and much of Europe, even in many places in the U.S., I was still too long, you start on a new journey, no matter where ............ I do not have a place here, and in any other part of the world, around the world and 'a place as any ............... no one waiting for me! It 's time to move like a gypsy, who I am, yes I've always felt a gypsy! This must be the reason for my existence, I have never been too long in the same place, usually every 10 years, now 14, I was 14 years in Naples and close to 14 in the United States (including Florida, San Diego, New Jersey, Pennsylvania, and Virginia) and here 'in Europe, France, Switzerland, England, Germany, Belgium, Amsterdam .......... what will be' my next port? I do not know yet!

And I'm also deciding as to leave ............ I love my scooter, and I will not sell it, I paid the insurance until next year, does not need to be inspected until next year, I continue to pay every month, and it would still be the most 'economical means of transport, with $ 5 premium gasoline, 120 mile ............. I'll move' with him, mile after mile , for a new adventure ............... will be 'exciting! I had to go out tonight, I'd still be on time, but I need a shower, the pub closes at 2, is 00.25 ........ and 'too late! Ago 'anything, I took Thursday' rest, I will not go 'to the restaurant, and I have to work Sunday at Radio Shack, usually when I'm free and I go to the restaurant, and then Thursday' see if I can get an interview with a lawyer I still have not given up, let's see how much he ask, what conditions and iF I WIN, 'cause if I have to work like a mule, to give money to a lawyer, or even win the case, not' just a lost cause, it should be for me a huge sacrifice, and pay debts for the rest of my life, a life that not even I can get, and I am 48 years old and I have nothing! It should work as long as I live, to keep myself together! No, and if I get sick, leave me to die also. I want to die free I want to be free to live my life, I want to live one day at a time in my life, without fear of anything, be free to go anywhere in the world I'll work 'the' where do I find work and start again and on my way, that aimlessly, like a gypsy, like a vagabond!!

I HAVE DECIDED Anyway, I did a long ride with my scooter is 5 and more 'in the morning and I am fully convinced of my decision! I'm leaving! The first of August, I do not have to pay the rent and all that gain, more 'what I already' have and going to California, I have to study well the map, to see how and from where and to where, and with my scooter . I'm good at Radio Shack, I'll ask for a letter of recommendation,reference, so my manager, already 'knows everything, unfortunately he saw how upset I was and I told him everything, absolutely everything, and I also said, if I do not find a lawyer. I do not stay in Virginia ....... I'm leaving, I said in Italy, but I can not, in California, the climate and 'mild, and I know people in both San Diego (30 minutes from Los Angel's) and I know of various types in Los Angeles, even here on face book friends, who know me also as a mother when I was in Pa and they are transferred there '! I have friends and even more '! I work for Radio Shack, or even ask for O 'Charley's, or .......... found here, I find there, I not find? I go to La Vegas' most northerly, where and 'full of mess' , casino, and restaurants. I'm done here!! My children? seek them for me , I have stopped since February, when the grandmother died ', I sent my last message to my children, that their have never answer, I wrote private messages to my children through face book, they made me stop by his father . Honestly? I have sent them into counseling, their did not miss me and they do not matter, 'cause I have super suffer, and get into debt, when already' do somersaults, and work too much ! Remember, it was for me, I have to learn to love me, that NEVER 'NONE, will have' everything from me to just take advantage of it. Sacrifice for love, and love too much............... what I find? What i have ?Wounds that are already 'been licking, and are healing, and should not ever again' to be re-opened, and I do not want NEW ONE, I have already 'too many scars, they are marginalized, and also marginalized this too, soon or late.

I'll let 'my things to Walt, hoping that .............. so, things are! But I have so many memories, but I also have them in my heart, in my mind, and in all my writings here, on my forum bubbles, the email I sent, I send, private messages, I left memories EVERYWHERE ..... to me that ........ reread ', and for posterity will read, my children, for example, one day perhaps decide, to learn more about their mother, crazy, YES , but are not sick. Are madcap, are, Sonia, a part of me does not want to grow ..........? Or grow old? From positive, I do not want to grow old, and many people think that I do not want to grow or mature, WHY ', the rest if you grow up and mature who said you have to stop being a kids, all the fun of play is only when you are kids? There 's light outside the window, like vampires hahaahah go to sleep before the sun burns me.

you can not understand me, I know, I know that you are too little, and believe that i am crazy , because somebody say so , and i know that I'm not normal, I know it 'alone, who says I'm special, some say I'm crazy, some say that i am supernatural and those who say that I'm reckless I am a bit 'of everything ......... But above all, I am brave, I am not afraid to live, I'm like an 'Indian, like a gypsy, like a vagabond. I have the strength of the spirits of my past lives, and 'awareness of a soul who lived centuries after centuries, life after life, I am an old spirit warrior and fighter. I know ', I am aware! I have a sensitivity 'profound and strong , that few have, that I do understand, guess! I recognize the danger, and I have a readiness in the reflexes. Having also a cold blood in situations that require it, I know how to survive in any situation, the experiences had, (too many) in this life and in all those of the past. It 'a matter of belief, I believe, I live on my chapel in my mind and in my soul. And sometimes I sleep in the sense that I do not feel anything, they are like frozen, high sensitivity 'that I have for all, strong intuition, hunches that I'm not wrong! At this time a week from now, the part of Sonia, paranormal, and 'awake, attentive, observant, understand, perceive, feel, see, situations' where almost all others can rarely. It is a gift that I have always ...... It 'a special gift that I have, which is not always' on alert, it depends .......... situations, and especially when I'm depressed, and I seek refuge from life. But it 's me! It 'part of me, after a long hibernation ........... there is' waking up, sometimes even scares me this precious gift, sometimes it's me that I avoid, because'? 'Cause it scares me! 'Cause I do not know to handle it well, unnatural fears, perhaps I do understand to much. and discover think the way that came to me . Maybe I do not want to see and fully want understand .......... why 'and' unknown! 'Cause ............... does not' part of a normal life like other human beings. Let's say I have powers. Real powers, which are to alert and at other times they sleep, as if I had no more 'sensitive , no more power to these perceptions ............ ......... when I am on certain situations. I could not even tell you how it works, and why ,this back and forth, came and go. And there 's also the fear of being judged insane, mad, crazy as they did and do.

everything happens for a reason everything that happens to me in this period coincides, events, discoveries, situations led me to the only conclusion to be the time that I must go away from here, from Virginia seems a matter of circumstances, they want to tell me Sonia be time to raise the sails and go and also with situations of miracles like today, I go to work, and I find one of the most 'senior manager of the store The one who hired me, and that he is' just moved from another state, which was the banquet that I could succeed in this job. I took the opportunity to speak with him before in the back office. I explained my situation, that I love working for this store, I was uncertain beginnings to, 'cause I do not know' nothing about electronics, but that the training has helped me a lot, and the desire to learn and thus be able to 'advise the best customers, has led me to success. In fact, there are visible results for my sales, even better than the others that I work with. In addition, customers have done surveys in my favor, they expressed their feelings, and they gave me high scores, using my name. Monday 'evening, July 7, (7 and not' my lucky number, other events have occurred, not pleasant, day 7) my eyes have seen imagery that I could not even describe to you, how could they make me feel imagery I have imprinted in my heart, in 'soul and the next day Tuesday 'July 8 in court, I was shocked and killed I now have the license for the scooter Everything, and much more that I have not yet written led me to a unique solution Sonia have to go away On January 7, my grandfather .. and 'dead September 7, 1998, all successes are a series of events I have killed Sonia completely the plane that I took flying lessons suddenly the engine stopped 'and made an emergency landing and dangerous, but we did not get anything I and my master pilot. The engine of the boat that I was racing for waterskiing was lost I went to the cinema to see Titanic at the end of the first half the film burn 'and before I went home ............ the man I was in love phone 'and told me that he came home with his wife! When I broke up with my first love I was in Pescara, a few months after I moved in Salerno, more than three hours' distance, to the south of Italy When I left with Mimmo, another boyfriend, I'm as mad, I have combined all the colors After that I died in 1998, I was able to resurrect, when I came in 2000 in the United States especially when the bargain 'desire, a dream, more' big in my life was fulfilled 'a son actually two twins ........ I wanted the male and female he I had to do like in the movie that my kids adore, I had to go with Andrew in Italy and Ilaria stay here with my ex-husband (the movie with the girl twins, but Mom come back 'in England and the other rest with her father in the U.S.) Then I was depressed for years in Pennsylvania, and are reborn, when I was in Virginia Now? In late 2013/2014 I died again ............. .......... I have to find a way to resurrect again and 'time to raise the sails to the wind, even with hair in the wind, because I ride a motorcycle and I did not say my first flight when I was 20 years old, and ran in France to avoid becoming an alcoholic, or even worse It work! Must 'work this time too.

this was post be from the one that love their mother ..... well ........ maybe i pay the fact , that i not love much mine, from some years, for a good reason !!! but i did, i did for so, so many years, and very much too !!!

And sorry really sorry ........ if I'm 'doing what I'm doing and' for my children if in case something should happen during this trip I want my children to know how much I love them and if one day they want to know who was their mother find my writings I wanted them to learn from me to be strong, to be brave, to love life as Sonia even in the most 'sad and not always beautiful days to love nature and animals the sow when they were little ones I put in them and we even traveled together many times, played, sang, danced I wonder if they remember and if they will remember I often recalled episodes of what were little children, babies, with many photos and many filims I made them laugh when I told him about what they did when they were infants I miss to die!!!!!!!

I miss our songs having no more 'car, I do not listen to our CD I post here, even if you tube with time will take away ', but the title remains we pretend to dance, all together, even danced the car? Now mama do so that the scooter dance

Well I can't found the song that i want put , anyway going round in this forum, that tell all lot of you, all 4, even is write in Italian, mom have make the diary , day buy day , years after years , tell all are story with all the friends here, the only that i have , because i was home with you all day long and all night too .And i did found .......Now i will like to know if you remember this video and this song, that we have dance not stop, and i do remember that you guys haven love it very , very much , that I did play it maybe 10 times at day

we always have dance Mom love to dance i hope you still do itdance not matter whatlife is WONDERFUL SMILE remember any problem have solution maybe not what you want but anything ......... be just okay, finelife go on, think about tomorrow, to day will be gone soonyesterday is all ready past

Andrew is my BOY !!! You look like me, you are a leader Amore mio you will have susses in life !!!I know it !!!

Ilaria ........ you are my fussy , drama Quin i hope you learn to be strong to be confident , not be the shadownot be your grammy and you .... resemble my face, my body ,you are very beautiful , as me !!!

Gianluca , you are SPECIALMY WISH is that , one day you will talkyou are a genius , more the many other

Katienne you are my fairy you're smart, and as mom you love justicenot matter that you are blond you will be the best not like blondy girl

but remember what i want that you need to knowMONEY not make happy not bodyi am not billionairebut I AM SO SO RICHmore rich the anybody I HAVE LOVE FOR ALLi am SPECIAL beautiful in side i not say it by my self is what all who know me SAY SO !!!and you are so rich toLOVE LIFE , LOVE GOD , LOVE WHAT GOD GIVE TO US !!!

Ilaria i can't found your song, i willanyway mom love youi don't like you , because ....... you not understand and do the opposite of you are and post doBE YOU , enjoy lifenot be a drama Quin please but I DO LOVE YOU you are my daughter, part of me of my blood and appearance, you like it or not we look like, you are my little me

Gianluca you .................. my special gift i tell you late what you are for ME !!!Mom love you even more and ................ i did anything i for give to you the bestwe are in Virginia by choice of the best State in the USAfor autism what say to me the first specialist make mom cray but give to mom the strength to fight 'cause I will go' up in the world I find 'ways to make you talk I know your voice your first words up to 18 months What caused your autism do not know 'but mom will not give up nobody knows' still but will 'that day you will not be considered .............. different 'cause you are SPECIAL

this is your song Katienne from when you was still babyevery times i hear this song i think about youyour first word was NO !!!No, was for all and after ANYMOREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE !!With the foot step in the floor la mia munella my rebel The Blue Angel with a italian temperlovvuuuuuumom write lovvuuuuuu and not I love youbecause , i love the way that you was say it i learn this word LOVVU , from youand all my friends here , in this forum and face bookknow it !!!All know about you guys , because everyday mom have writeabout me and you all 8 years together and by self me and you 4 ............ mom race you for 8 long yearsin mild of not where .......in the snow , and with NOT HUSBAND Mom teach you how love you dad even never homei make you guys ...... LOVE YOUR DADeven never HOME !!!

I forget to say to watch the video of the song above that is the world , the beautiful world that God give to usnot belong to anybody, Park state or what everthat the gift of God , to us is the world that he crated for us and we destroyed , because the technology because we want MORE , we never happywe forget what leave is, we love what is EVIL you know what is the power of Evil MONEY !!!!For money we killed each other !!!We have war , we destroyed each other other people like us same that we better of other WE NOT !!!We are all the same we all are the children of God we all are specialwe became not , because we believe OTHERnot more valor in this lifethe only think that we believe is POWER !!!Be better of who?For who ?Read mom book, learn some Mom not is crazy mom is different i BE ME , for what i am and I fight for what is right and on other song that i do want dedicate to you is .......

Mom love this song , from so, so many years i didn't know what the song saybecause , i din't know Englishi never learn it until i came here in the USAand i can't say even HELLO mom learn for 12 years France and learn little Germany and some of Arabic (mom was talk with anyone in the world because mom LOVE people , LOVE learn from people )and in Italy was coming many people from Africa in the summer sell jury and they know France , so all the time theat i talk with themwe have a game , i teach them Italian and they teach African and Arabic to meso i do know few word , important Hello and i all ways want know how you say I LOVE YOUand also , how are you .....i know to say so in so many language 'cause ....... is part of LOVE Mom born on Valentines' Day for a reason the day of LOVE because i am LOVE i love LOVE !!! and on other song that you know that mom love so much is this

and mom have many friends and all the know about this song .......and MY FRIEND ALL KNOW that i am like this songi be there not matter what for them and here in this forum, mom ...........help people give love and hope were not is not moremom teach LOVE , give LOVE cure the Soul , because people get HURT and mom know what means BE HURT but, I learn to not give up, to have DREAM AND HOPE to be positive not matter whatto smile even when you want cray only

Who know mom , have all ways say

Sonia ........ not matter what happen to you ......you still smile and laugh even maybe few hours before i was desperate and crayi have the power to laugh or smile for .........little thinks that can give me joy .

You not remember , but i do have the video we from Virginia came back home to Pennsylvania , many hours of drive we found the house full of water was lings of water every were and was so cold too Mom with all you 4 little fix it, by self go to the city buy a machine for suck all the water all night, you was sleep in my bedwe not even have electricity we warm up sleep all 5 in my bed , with many blankedwe surviveand mom for break fast have make mess and we laugh and i did make the move, for not forget that not matter we going throughwe can have FUN

ONE DAY a man in hospital were you father send me too say to me you spell wrong your name you need spell it SO NICE I AM So n I am

In Italy we do not have a middle nameONE day a special woman say to me .......why do not have a middle name you need onei give to you one ..... one that will be you Happy that is your middle and from that day mom say so to peopleis Happy !!!! Because , not matter what I AM !!!I need be !!!I found the way to bethat why , mom go to California i need to found the way to be happyI AM NOTyou father say that i am ........let go ..........if i am not happy is, because you are my kids my lifemy lover you mean everything to meyou will be the ONLY LOVE that will never BE OVER for the rest of my life not matter that we not see each other Mom LOVE YOU !!!You are in my heart and in my soul and I DID TOLD YOUeven when i will be goneI die were i will be ?In your heart we will be for ever YOU AND ME and we will be together ANYWAYin other life as spirit mom is Buddhist, how you knowi did teach YOUand Grammy did it too So .........you know BETTER God , Buddhism and Reiki go together we are Energy we are spirit , that leave life after lifethe body die the spirit NEVER DIE we leave for ever and ever .

Yes , mom is like the song know to muchthat why I AM CRAZY I will post on other video for youand fro to day ..... i am overwas post be my day of want enjoy this day .....but who is important in my life ?You !!!So not matter , i know that it will not be wast time Mom want just teach to you who I amwhat I KNOW and mom say the true ....mom say thinks ONLY when she is SURE !!!Means that mom tell you RIGHTI am a Teacher and i can't lie to my kidsi am a good motherand a good teacheri teach LIFE and cure soul

Mommy will always love you NOT MATTER WHAT !!!Not matter were I am Mom love God God ........ give us the gift of life we all are their childrenwe all are ANGEL

and we forget about it because ...........THE POWER OF EVILThis world ............not is anymore was post be we love Internet , technology

that why mommy make this FORUMhow is call ?

The sparkles world of

LOVE

Mommy is LOVE not crazy .........mommy want that the WORLD THIS HEART BE FEAR AND RIGHTbut is NOT !!!And .........................................NOT BODY CARE ANYMORE is more important OTHER forget why we here why we need to learnlife after lifeyes mommy is on very old spiritI did leave to many LIFE more the OTHER and I KNOW !!!!

then i forget to say .......about the song imagine that when mom have learn English by self hear this songwas very surprise same that i feel the song'cause when i understood the world I did LOVE , this song EVEN MORE and many other that mom was LOVEbecause i feel the musici feel what the singer tray to gift to you by the songsongs, book, poems are ........expression of FEELINGS people write itfor what ....... feelthe are REAL because in this world everybody have the own lifethe own hurt the own happiness the own somethingthat like to expressfor communicate other what their feeland many peoplelike it ......'cause is the same feelings that all we can feel because we are ALL ONE we are Humans we are the children of God we are all the sameBUTindividual different we all are special for what we AREand people FAKEi don't know for witch reason !!!Forget to be what the are is better to pretend PRETEND WHAT?What you are not.BE YOU ONLY YOUYOU ARE RARE , the only one you are different from other for a reason

i am so happy that you love this dog, i see how friends you areAmore believe him, talk to him, HE know HE feel you all ( AND ME TOO]he will protect you NOT MATTER WHAThe know EVERYTHING ......HE will give is life for you ( AND ME TOO)believe IS TRUE

and sure i will take again to Pocono Mountain tooo WERE born Katienneand FOR SURE 100%i take you guys in italywere born Gianluca WITH MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEyour dad LOVE italy we went up down and he know Italy 2 times before meet meHe wish to leave in Italy

TO BAD.......... you will with me him ????????????NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!SORRY

I back after long time because ...... everything as Always happen to me I was post go to California ....I am in ItalyI did call your dad for your birthday of Andrew e Ilaria and when was Katienne birthday toothe only number that mom was still remember ......I lost mi cell phone ...... i don't remember and i don't have your number anymore and you dad not answer ..........

when i came back here i see that many picture that i put of you guys ....don't show anymore ...... so the last post-it that i write look like stupid is because the picture are missingthe are at there , but not show , i don't know why i will try to fix it

i love you i miss you all

you have not idea how much .......................

but ..........

i will came back soon and not body will stop me ANYMORE to see you

I PROMISE IT give me some more time after Christmas ................maybe i the spring and this time , you all see i can have the visitation i not ask nothing more buti have the right to see you .....and next time that i came back will happen !!!!I hope that you can read me here that you know ...........that mom ............miss you all and never and ever i can forget about you alli will NEVER AND EVER stop love you al BELIEVE , just believe the is the true i am here for you ANY TIME you need meand i know how..... i let you know about thisis up to you ...

MOM WILL NEVER NEVERGIVE UP until i have life I WILL NEVER GIVE UP YOU ARE MY LIFE for ever and ever , and even moreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

I call you every day Andrew( i did found your number )you do not answer ...... I send many text messages to youI leave messages on the answering machine alsoI also talked to your dad ......who had promised to let me speak with you guysWELLafter I answered all the questions that he wantedin the end, he finished the call slamming it in my faceand blocked my calls

What should I do more ..............

I miss you all TOO MUCHbut you all do not want to communicate with meWhy '? I lovvu you all ..........

your little cousinsthey asked you to be your friend on facebookMom playing with them, they love meMy nieces adore me, they always want to be with medo homework together, we go outthey quarrel with each other, for ....who should sit next to me at the kitchen table, when we eat, I have my nephews ....and not MY CHILDRENwellwhen you miss me 'you are going to see me on the diaries on facebook of your cousins Valeria and Luca,that who you know Now, I know that you know it !!!Because , also you all , or you dad block me to your facebookMOM never give up NEVER

Hi my love !!!Mom is very busy and Iuse the cell phone for connect to internetI don't use to do it I always used the computernot easy for me now with the phone.But I will learn it and will be better.Also we have different time , hourswhen here is day time for you is night .I did stop to call because i use to much minutefor call , allow message to the answer machines the text message that I send to you Andrew and your father too.I do have unlimited for Italy but for US i have only 500 text, 500 minute every month I have already used half of the goal for nothing, because i didn't talk with you guys at all.I hope that you will communicated with me some how !Here, to face book , with phone , emailhow ever , i do miss you all ......I just want to hear from you .... how are you allwhat you doing ? How is school .Just talk about how you guys spend the dayI don't know nothing about you from more 'than a year.And you don't know about me also.I miss you , please Andrew, Ilaria , Katienne TALK TO ME some howmom not is crazy , not know about you make me really crazybecause I do love you to much.

Hi my loveAndrew-Ilaria-Gianluca-KatienneI Love you i do miss you so much Is summer the school is over and i don't know what you guys doing I am so proud to see that you do good in school (i know it because I look for you guys every were)I can't stop to look for you, to love you I will do everything for you guys, you are my love, my life Mom never give up !!!