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16 January 2009

number 16

after a couple of restless days thinking between going and not going, i decided not to go. already told them i can't come. i was back and forth at a time thinking i can show everyone that i'm strong enough to accept and face what was already done, all i wanted was to save face. there's nothing left to save. and that said it all. there was no point going. even if i went there hands locked with a supermodel, i can't control what people would think. that's the boy she left. there was nothing left to save.

i took a quick break yesterday afternoon and had a chat with a friend. a couple of coffee cups, a few life lessons and a some random thoughts later, i felt something inside me, motivation. haven't felt that in a while. friends forced me to have a goal and we just came up with nothing. the closest i considered was having my own car. but i felt nothing. i knew i didn't need it, knew i wont be happy. but the half-meant joke got me. a birthday celebration in an orphanage. i was skeptical at first but later on, the thought just embraced me. i was excited for the first time in months.

it's not an easy task. i'm thinking of raising at least Php20,000 to make it worthwhile. friends are invited to join and donate anything or at least share the love with the kids.

this is important to me. this would be the kids cheering me up rather than us cheering them up. and aside from that, i consider this as an activity to exorcise my demons.