Beer rules. Do you have any?

Edit: I've altered my original post in order to spare a bit of boredom for the reader. If anyone hankers to sit through the original post, it's been quoted below. Here goes:

As a long time beer drinker, I've had various rules for choosing a beer over the years. Today, there are so many great beers that there is no way to be anything other than sort of precious when declaring one beer better than the next. I live in Oregon, so have access to all the Washington and California beers as well. My cup runneth over. I've had to update my rules for choosing/praising beers. The rules aren't hard and fast, but guide my decisions. Here are my latest rules:

1. I believe a person should be able to drink at least a six-pack of any great beer before he/she has had too much. Now, lightweights might be excluded here, but if the alcohol content is so high that I'm tapping out after 3 beers, then I'm not a big fan no matter how good the beer tastes.
2. With so many great beers available, if the cost of a 22oz bottle is too far north of $4 then you're just wasting money. The six pack price point is somewhere around $8. A cost per ounce rule applies.
3. Arguing over IPAs is not unlike arguing over politics and religion.
4. The Europeans may have mastered beer, but we recreated it. Buy American.
5. Bottled/canned beer has to establish the bench mark by which all beers are compared because only a limited few drinkers can get to said ale house, during said limited release, during said season, when said brewmaster got everything right. If you had some great beer, at some pub that only made one barrel, please don't disparage the $4 bottle of beer you're drinking out of my fridge.

This post is long-winded because tonight I've had the following three 22oz beers for the first time, imbibed in this order:

As a long time beer drinker, I've had various rules for choosing a beer. Here are some of the rules I've had over the years:

-When poor, I had to be able to buy at least 8 beers for the equivalent of an hour's pay in order to put a beer on my list. I used to believe that a man should be able to get buzzed/drunk in exchange for an hour of hard labor. Still do actually.

-When on a health kick, I bought beer based on the sugar to alcohol to calorie content. Most alcohol to calorie usually won out. Taste almost be damned. Yeah, Amstel light used to taste good.

-In grad school, and while mostly broke, I calculated the price of beer by ounce, and alcohol by ounce, and bought in the most valued quantities. Now taste played some kind of factor, as I would never drink ice beers or any other malt beverage.

Now, I've had a long history with micro brewing. I grew up in the Northwest. And I'm old enough to remember/experience the genesis of the craft beer movement. Today, there are so many great beers, there is no way to be anything other than precious when declaring one beer better than the next. I live in Oregon, so have access to all the Washington and California beers as well. My cup runneth over. I've had to update my rules for choosing/praising beers. Here are my latest rules:

1. I believe a person should be able to drink at least a six-pack of any great beer before he/she has had too much. Now, lightweights might be excluded here, but if the alcohol content is so high that I'm tapping out after 3 beers, then I'm not a big fan no matter how good the beer tastes.
2. With so many great beers available, if the cost of a 22oz bottle is too far north of $4 then you're just wasting money. The six pack price point is somewhere between $8 and $9. Essentially my old cost per ounce rule is still applies.
3. Arguing over IPAs is not unlike arguing over politics and religion.
4. The Europeans may have mastered beer, but we recreated it. Buy American.
5. Bottled/canned beer has to establish the bench mark by which all are compared because only a limited few can get to said ale house, during said limited release, during said season, when said brewmaster got everything right. If you had some great beer, at some pub that only made one barrel, then don't disparage the $4 bottle of beer you're drinking out of my fridge.

This post is long-winded because tonight I've had the following three 22oz beers for the first time, imbibed in this order:

OP, we have verrrrry different viewpoints on this. Though we may still enjoy the same beer, many of the beers I enjoy would break all of your rules. I buy what i want to try, and don't limit myself to rules that prevent me from trying something new.

Wife's rule to me: Never buy Dogfish Fort and consume the entire bottle solo in an evening. Long story short...drank an entire bottle myself and apparently babbled on and on about nothing (which annoyed the **** out of my wife). I don't recall a good 2-3 hours of that evening. Fort rocked my world.

I also condone drinking an entire 750ml of Black Tuesday, by yourself, in a dark room as a feasible option.

Oh I've had stages in my life where these were my rules. I'm older now. I've matured Sort of. My unwritten rule is I have the right to change rules based on the context of my surroundings at the time I crack my first beer.

1. I believe a person should be able to drink at least a six-pack of any great beer before he/she has had too much. Now, lightweights might be excluded here, but if the alcohol content is so high that I'm tapping out after 3 beers, then I'm not a big fan no matter how good the beer tastes.

Sorry, you are wrong here. Good beer is about good taste and many times that involves a higher percentage of alcohol. I am not saying it always has to be high alcohol content, but a great Barely wine or Stout (and many other varieties) can be well north of 10%. If you feel the need to drink a whole six pack at once you are bordering on alcoholism. Good beer is about quality NOT quantity.

2. With so many great beers available, if the cost of a 22oz bottle is too far north of $4 then you're just wasting money. The six pack price point is somewhere around $8. A cost per ounce rule applies.

Again Quality over quantity, yes many bombers are under $4, but there are many over that price that are worth every single penny.

3. Arguing over IPAs is not unlike arguing over politics and religion.

I can agree with you here, most IPA's are overrated hop bombs and lack the complexity of other styles.

4. The Europeans may have mastered beer, but we recreated it. Buy American.

You have obviously never had Cantillion Gueuze or an Epic Belgium Quad. Try and broaden your horizons, there is more out there than IPA.

5. Bottled/canned beer has to establish the bench mark by which all beers are compared because only a limited few drinkers can get to said ale house, during said limited release, during said season, when said brewmaster got everything right. If you had some great beer, at some pub that only made one barrel, please don't disparage the $4 bottle of beer you're drinking out of my fridge.

I'll preface this with what I'm currently drinking disqualifies rule numero dos in my book. It happens to be a 25.4oz bottle of Brewery Ommegang "The art of darkness" (8.4%). $15.95 in Nashville, TN and not available in Chattanooga, TN. However........Yazoo Brewing's "Sue"(9.4%) could be a fantastic example of your 2nd rule coming in just under $5.00 for a 25.4oz and bursting with goodness.

The only rules in my house are between my wife and I:
1- Beer I buy for myself, is mine only. The wife must supply her own as I will not freely share.
2- Beer she buys for herself receives a 1 month restraining order. After that, well; she was warned....
3- If you are not the purchaser of said beer, you are entitled to a sip of the forbidden nectar to determine future purchases.
4.-If at any time rule 1 is ignored, rule 2 is also ignored and all beer is transferred to a super secret location with a super secret hidden mini fridge.

She's drinking Newcastle "Werewolf" tonight. She's on her third one. She bought the six pack 13.75 days ago.