SHATTERPROOF Thriving After Domestic Abuse

I’m Mickie Zada and I lived in abuse…for 34 years…from age 19 until I was 53.
I believe we create our realities, and I chose to stay in a damaging relationship for so long because I thought it was my Calling. I was wrong.
I changed me. I am now an enthusiastic participant in Life.
“The words ‘I am’ are potent words; be careful what you hitch them to. The thing you’re claiming has a way of reaching back and claiming you.” A.L. Kitselman
I am a strong woman, a fabulous woman, over 60 years old.
I am a Change-agent. I am an encourager. I am uniquely qualified to speak to living in abuse, getting out and surviving to the fullest extent. I know what it takes. I know the fear. I am a survivor.
I am a coach.
I am happy to have these “I Am” words to reach back and claim me!
The actions I teach and share are those that I’ve learned in my Journey from choosing to live in abuse to choosing to create my authentic life; safe, sound, Real.
I invite you to read through this web page. Think about who I Am. Read blogs, listen to some podcasts, watch live videos. Do we connect?
I am open and exposed. Choose to reach out to me or not.
What I know for sure is that I lived the life of abuse, and got out, and I’ve thrived, to serve as a beacon to other women.
If you live in abuse, or you’ve recently escaped, it’s my Mission to support and encourage you to choose and live a healthy life.
The materials, the tools, the support is here.
It’s your responsibility to grab hold and change yourself, from the in-side out.

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A 90-day temporary order took two years to resolve…YEA! I finally got 50/50 custody of my daughter!

This conversation is not to discourage anyone. It is to validate that right can eventually prevail, even in custody cases with abusive Dads.

Amber went to court without an attorney and everything her abuser and his attorney told the Judge was believed. Her abuser was given full custody of their daughter, then and there.

The lies he told were that she was addicted to drugs and alcohol. She was ordered to attend AA meetings. He said he did not rape her; she liked rough sex. She was ordered to seek sex therapy. He and his lawyer convinced the court that she lived in her car. She lived with friends. She was encouraged to sign a 90-day temporary order, giving her abuser full custody of their daughter. She was convinced it was the right thing to do.

Finally, after many court appearances, finally hiring an attorney who believed her, and two years of supervised visits with her daughter, Amber gained 50/50 custody.

Amazingly to me, Amber’s abuser fathered another child and he was given full-custody of that child, using the same tactics against that mother that he did with Amber. It’s a story we hear over and over.

Amber’s story gives hope that persistence and a good attorney can turn things around.

Jacqui Oh is a career teacher, student and vocalist who loves to ask questions, from dumb to inappropriate and often introspective. Jacqui likes to have fun.

She is passionate about education, diversity and culture. All of those areas are addressed on her podcast, StartDis. She is also a victim turned thriver of domestic abuse. Her story in this interview is openly shared with heart-felt honesty and emotion.

While Jacqui’s abusive relationship did not last many years, the trauma was tremendous. They were young: late teens, early 20s. They dated off and on for a couple of years. Controlling behavior led to threats of suicide and murder.

Still she moved in with him, believing he would not be physically violent toward her. She was wrong. And, after living together for just 4 months, he burned their apartment to the ground!

Listen to and share this woman’s tremendous story.

Learn more about Jacqui Oh on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/StartDis/

My guest just celebrated 10 years out of abuse…she created a Facebook video and titled it her “Survivor-versary”!

A long hard road that began as a young child through abuse by her step-father, she was conditioned that being treated poorly was “normal”.

My guest is author Melinda Kunst.

At 17 Melinda moved into teen dating violence … like most of us, she ignored the red flags. Now, she teaches teens and parents to pay attention to their daughters’ behaviors and words, to listen for control or abuse…she teaches teens not to ignore the red flags, like she did.

Her teen violence boyfriend said he’d kill himself and/or her and her family if she left him…he was a bully. She married him out of fear…

When they were married, it looked good on the Outside; her friends thought she had married her ideal guy and that she was happy. From the start, inside the marriage relationship, behind closed doors, her life was one of terror, rampant jealousy, and consistent, constant control by her husband.

After she escaped, as part of her healing Journey, Melinda began writing a blog titled Hope When There Was None. It’s now a Facebook page; check it out! https://www.facebook.com/hopewhentherewasnone/

Melinda Kunst is the author of two books Call Me Master and Awakening the Beauty of Life Without Abuse. Both are available on Amazon.

My guest’s favorite quote is: You can’t change where you have been, but you can change where you are GOING!!

When she was in her 20′s, she thought she had met her soul mate, the love of her life. He was a very successful businessman who owned an advertising/direct mail business. They married and she soon became his right-arm partner in business.

In September of 2001, The World Trade Center collapsed: their business income fell 90% that year. Her husband was able to choose retirement, she set out to work in corporate America and proudly made a name for myself.

Sadly, her husband did not celebrate his wife’s success. He displayed only jealousy, resentment, and arrogance. His action toward her spiraled into verbal, physical and financial abuse.

We all have choices!

She chose to escape, and became empowered to not only seek safe refuge and healing, she began surrounding herself with positive, outgoing and caring people.

Angeline Mitchell’s favorite quote is from Michael Jordan: “I can accept failure, everyone fails at something. But I can’t accept not trying.”

She now inspires other survivors/thrivers by sharing her philosophy that when obstacles arise, embrace the challenge and celebrate the opportunity for change.

Angeline is a firm believer that by doing so, you first empower yourself so that you can then empower others.

Reach out to Angeline on her Facebook business page: Let’s Break the Silence.

Just you and your thoughts in the midnight hour: What are you thinking about? Can’t sleep because you worry, you’re still fearful, you’re wondering if you REALLY can make it on your own, were you really abused?

Sheila Malloy-Hall talks about carrying the shame, pain and hurt of abuse, knowing these emotions are not who she is or who she was meant to be. Still the feelings kept her awake at night.

Sheila is now an Empowerment Speaker, Advocate, Survivor Strategist, Best Selling Author, and she has moved from being a victim of abuse and domestic violence to the Chief Operating Officer (COO) of her life!

She shares her story of triumph and her healing journey to provoke, inform, restore and activate healing in others … from the inside out…and she encourages women to reach their highest level of internal fulfillment.

Sheila Malloy-Hall’s story shared in this podcast and her public speaking presentations encourage and empower professional women, who have been or are being exposed to abuse and domestic violence. These include professional women who may appear to have it all together on the outside, but who may still be adversely affected on the inside by the trauma of abuse and domestic violence.

Wouldn’t you love to have magic words to use when communicating with your narcissist…or any abuser?

My guest, Lindsey Ellison, tells you exactly what to say on this podcast and in her book by the same title, Magic Words. Lindsey is an author, a relationship coach and founder of Start Over Coaching, Inc.

She specializes in helping people break free from narcissistic abuse, navigate their divorce or break-up, and find happiness and peace.

Originally stemming from her own personal experiences, Lindsey’s mission is to inspire you to make those amazing changes in your life to help you start over and find happiness.

Lindsey shared much of her story of transformation after abuse as my podcast guest in March 2018. That very insightful discussion was titled “You are not the only one…you are not alone”. Check it out.

Today we are talking about her new book “Magic Words, How to get what you want from a Narcissist.”

How is it possible for this to be your most abundant year? That’s what I wondered…then I thought about what “abundant” really means!

Abundant is finances, of course. And much more than that! I discovered that this being my most abundant year included changing my perspective, releasing even more negative self-talk, recognizing and letting go of undermining beliefs tied to the Imposter Syndrome. I spent the past few weeks changing my attitude and my energy.

This is my most abundant year. Will it be yours, too?

What does “abundant” mean to you? Are you willing to step out of “Where you are” to move on to “Where you want to be”?

This can be your most abundant year. That is a choice, right?

Listen to more podcasts, watch videos and read articles all created to inspire, encourage and empower thrivers of domestic abuse. www.SurviivngAbuseNetwrok.com

I easily and effortlessly smile! Why? Because smiling is the quickest way to increase positive energy.

Several women in my Community have asked this week how to change their negative moods and attitudes…they were feeling sad, guilty, lonely, frustrated, angry, alone.

We all feel negative emotions now and then.

Having left domestic abuse does not mean everything is good now…no more sad days, living in the past or fearful of the future. Right? We still carry all that negativity with us, in the recesses of our minds. And it does surface from time to time.

This podcast discusses and teaches The Smile Exercise. It is simple and free. Anyone can do it. And, it will improve your attitude. I learned this process years ago and still use it often.

There is a pervasive reality described and discussed by women who have lived in domestic abuse…it is generally only talked about after we leave. We don’t want to accept the reality of our lives when we are still living in abuse.

Here’s the one thing: You did not know you were an abused wife, significant other or girlfriend. For months, years or decades you did not know, did not believe, did not accept that you were abused. Your mind told you that you were the strong one, that you were Called to help your abuser live his life between the lines, that for whatever reason you were where you were supposed to be. Right?

Even after accepting that we were abused, it usually was months or years before we gained the strength, the support, the mindset, to leave. We are used to believing our lies. We still feel responsible for helping and supporting our misunderstood, angry-at-the-world abuser.

The one thing you don’t know about living in domestic abuse is that most of us don’t allow our reality to enter our minds, our worlds. Silence allows the epidemic of domestic abuse to grow, to thrive. 1 in 3 women in the U.S. experience domestic abuse at some time in their lives. You were not alone. You are not alone.

My guest’s Mission is to break the stigma of being abused by breaking her silence. One of the realities that empowered her and that she teaches other victims of abuse is that your abuse was not about you. It was about your abuser.

In our conversation, she shares that her former step father abused her physically, psychologically and sexually. He told her every single day, from the age of 2 til 12, that she was ugly, stupid, useless, worthless, and unlovable. She believed him, not just because she heard the words for so long, but because that was what she saw unfolding all around her. Every situation in her life seemed to be shouting, “He’s right!!!”

Lisa Cybaniak is now an enthusiastic, high-energy, motivational speaker and success coach.

Now she has created a life of value and worth. Now she has a family she adores, a home she cherishes, and a career she’s in love with. Her life is centered around empowering survivors of abuse to find their personal purpose, to build the life they deserve.

When I decided to create my own name, I apprehensively told my grown, very conservative, son. His response on the phone, when I invited he and his wife to dinner to talk about me choosing a new name: “OH, this is gonna be good!”

At dinner his response was “Mickie Zada?! That sounds like a hippie name.”

My answer to his concern: “Well, you know me as your Mom, as your Dad’s wife. You don’t know “Me”… and I AM an old hippie!”

Listen to this podcast to learn more about my motivation and reasoning.

Go to my website to learn more about Mickie Zada, listen to other podcasts, watch live videos and read articles. All this content is to inspire, educate, and encourage thrivers of domestic abuse to stay on their Paths, to create their own authentic lives…whether that includes changing your name, or not! www.SurvivingAbuseNetwork.com

Looking for your own personal coach? I’m available and I offer various programs, from 3 months to a full year. Contact me to schedule a complimentary 15-minute introductory session. Messenger me on FaceBook or contact me through my website www.SurvivingAbuseNetwork.com

Dr. Wayne Dyer described life changing perception the best I’ve ever read: When we change the way we look at things, the things we look at change!

Today you are at a milestone in your Life. Today, choose to change the way you look at things.

Doing the same things over and over, expecting different results is what? Some people say it’s insanity. I say it’s a victim state of mind. We can whine and cry, be angry and feel drained. We can “wonder why” our lives are “like this” when others are happy, thriving and enjoying life. Yet, we keep doing the same things: re-acting to stimuli in our lives, embracing the emotions of fear and re-acting in anger. Over and over and over.

Today you are at milestone in your Life. This new thought is revolutionary: YOU are in control of your life!

You’ve come so far! You left your abuser!! You are a survivor, a victor not a victim.

You have the power to change your mind-set, change how you look at things, create the life you love.

No matter how long you’ve been out of abuse, these 3 steps will empower you to choose a new direction.

Aimee Cabo’s life is a testament to the power of honesty, love, belief, faith and survival.

At age 15, she was part of what the Miami media dubbed "The Case from Hell"—a sexual abuse case that pitted her parents against her and her sister. Beaten daily by her Mother, it’s no wonder she was attracted to abusive partners.

To this day, Aimee credits her faith in God and the love of her support network for getting her through.

Years later, she would need that same faith and love when her daughter was brutally beaten into a coma. Her daughter's against-the-odds recovery alone is enough to restore your faith, but set in the context of this incredible family's life, it is even more moving.

Contact Aimee on Facebook at God is the Cure, which is also the name of her first book, available on Amazon and in bookstores across the Country.

Like the fact or not, each of us has a life pattern, some “program” deep in our brain that creates our attraction to abusers. My lesson, my program, was “Anything the boys did was OK.”

Practically from the time my first brother was born (I was 15 months old), I was taught that males were granted more leigh way, were not held to the same levels of responsibility as girls and could do whatever they wanted to…while girls made excuses for their poor choices and negative behavior. My parents did not program me and my sisters that way to cause us problems: Our training was to protect our brothers, who had learning disabilities.

Thus, the stage was set to continue my life as a co-dependent enabler of men’s damaging behavior toward me. I stayed in domestic abuse for 34 years, always believing it was my Mission to keep my abuser between the lines.

I was wrong. It took many years and a lot of personal growth to embrace that Truth. I was 53 and had allowed myself to be worn away. I was 53 when I embraced the fact that I didn’t know who I was, what I thought, what I wanted in life. I did the work to change: If we don’t change, nothing changes.

Not only did I discover Me, I created my own name in which I anchored my new Being. My Truth was finally set free, the culmination of which is this podcast and my business: Surviving Abuse Network

Executive Producer of the film “The Last Time”, author of Authentic Me: a Story of Strength, Perseverance and Faith, a keynote speaker, and an employment law attorney and legal advocate for increased awareness of domestic violence, my guest is Tiffany

After her third marriage spiraled into violence and ended in divorce, Beverly Wilkinson had an epiphany. She realized the common denominator in her abusive relationships was herself! She had a vision for a life of value, dignity and worth. She also had the dogged persistence to see THAT life come to fruition.

Born and raised on a cotton field in Mississippi, Beverly endured physical and emotional abuse through most of her developmental years. In 1991 she escaped Mississippi, with 3 young children in tow. They took a Greyhound bus to Seattle where she and her children were homeless for a while, living in a shelter until she could find permanent housing.

Today Beverly is a speaker, blogger, author and storyteller! She shares with us the challenges she faced, her 6-year process of changing her life and how she clung to and created the healthy, safe, joyful life she knew was her destiny.

Beverly may be reached at:dressedupoutside@gmail.com Instagram: dressedupoutside Facebook: dressed up on the outside, but messed up on the inside

After her third marriage spiraled into violence and ended in divorce, Beverly Wilkinson had an epiphany. She realized the common denominator in her abusive relationships was herself! She had a vision for a life of value, dignity and worth. She also had the dogged persistence to see THAT life come to fruition.

Born and raised on a cotton field in Mississippi, Beverly endured physical and emotional abuse through most of her developmental years. In 1991 she escaped Mississippi, with 3 young children in tow. They took a Greyhound bus to Seattle where she and her children were homeless for a while, living in a shelter until she could find permanent housing.

Today Beverly is a speaker, blogger, author and storyteller! She shares with us the challenges she faced, her 6-year process of changing her life and how she clung to and created the healthy, safe, joyful life she knew was her destiny.

Beverly may be reached at:dressedupoutside@gmail.com Instagram: dressedupoutside Facebook: dressed up on the outside, but messed up on the inside

As professional women we are strong in our careers as entrepreneurs, CEOs, attorneys and doctors; proficient, well-skilled women. At work we live in our power.

When we lived in abuse, that powerful person morphed into someone else. The emotional, financial and physical abuse at home caused us to abandon our business power…we changed into someone else. Someone our abuser created.

Now that we are out of abuse, we have the option to create our authentic lives 24/7/365. We have the choice to stay in that condo we created in Victimhood or ebb and flow into who we were created to be. A strong woman in all phases of our lives.

Professional women over 50 is a niche of domestic abuse that is underserved. Much support and inspiration are available for younger women. Those of us who are professional women, who are over 50 AND who lived in domestic abuse … we are overlooked.

Mickie owned golf courses with her former husband. She lived a privileged life. She shares her experience and process in embracing her authentic self after leaving her abuser. She was 53: No longer a “spring chicken”. Her transformation and growth experiences are real and achievable. And, it continues! She is morphing her business from Surviving Abuse Network to Shatterproof Thriving After Domestic Abuse.

Mickie shares ideas for you to live in your power, too…you’ve got this!

My guest is Rosie Aiello. History is being made today on Surviving Abuse Podcast. It’s the first time I’ve hosted two guests…and it’s the first time I’ve had the opportunity to gain the perspective of domestic abuse from a child who lived it. Rosie is joined today by her daughter, Sunny. Yes, she’s the daughter who plead with her Mom…”get me away from my abusive father.”

Abigail Manning is an Awareness Coach who speaks, writes, and conducts workshops on Authentic Health, which defines abuse as repeated mistreatment. Having experienced childhood abuse by both parents and domestic violence as an adult, she combines firs-hand experience with five years of intensive research on abuse and mental health.

With a light-hearted, empathetic approach, Abigail creates awareness and moves all forms of abuse out of the silent darkness where they start and thrive, into the colorful light of mainstream conversation.

My guest escaped the abyss of abuse through pinpoints of light. Her analogy is being in a pitch-black cave, when a tiny pinpoint of light is seen…and it grows…and leads us out of the darkness. It’s a perfect metaphor for our journey into, through and out of the abyss of abuse.

My guest is April Tribe Giauque. She is a Mother to nine children, an author, a teacher and a coach. She also shares her amazing story of living in abuse, escaping with five children in tow, and creating a safe, happy, healthy life after her escape.

The other person in April’s marriage was a huge surprise to me. John was her abuser’s business partner. He made family decisions and controlled all the money. Her husband talked with John on the phone. He met John at work sites. “John” was her schizophrenic husband’s alter ego.

Don’t miss this inspiring and insightful conversation.

Listeners may learn more about April at https://www.apriltribegiauque.com

April’s book, Pinpoints of Light; Escaping the Abyss of Abuse is available on Amazon.

Like many of us, Justine said a lot the early signs of abuse were just missed. Her guy was her Russian tutor…he was exotic, charming, bright and caring. Those are the traits she chose to pay attention to. She was a young college student, 19 and vulnerable.

A busy woman, for sure. High energy, enthusiastic about creating the life she loves, and helping inspire and encourage women on the path to healing and recovery from domestic abuse. Meet Justine Wentzell.