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Who Dey Revolution Manifesto

Preamble

IN THIS TIME of perpetual Cincinnati Bengals incompetence and futility, with zero playoff wins in the nineteen seasons since the WhoDeyRevolution Godfather, Paul Brown, passed away in 1991 and handed the team to his fortunate son, the Despot, Mike Brown;

Introduction

WE, the members of the Who Dey Revolution, in our fervent dedication to the Cincinnati Bengals and fanatical desire to transform our hometown team into perpetual Super Bowl contenders, call for a popular revolution of fans to demand comprehensive reform to the managerial decisions and approach of Cincinnati Bengals ownership, management, staff and players, and hereby call for the adoption of the following Who Dey Revolution Manifesto:

Manifesto Demands

THAT the Mike Brown, Katie Blackburn, Marvin Lewis, along with every other member of the Bengals management, staff and personnel, state publicly to all Bengals fans, “I will do everything in my power to help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl;”

THAT Mike Brown will hire a general manager, drastically expand the scouting department and relinquish all control of player personnel;

THAT all training, rehabilitation and medical facilities are considered best-in-class compared to other NFL teams;

THAT the management fill the team only with players who fit the system, both mentally and physically, and are not reluctant to makes changes to player personnel when needed, regardless of cost or loyalty concerns;

THAT offensive and defensive line depth is considered the top priority for all player personnel decisions;

THAT all decisions made by ownership, management, staff and players, both on and off the field, are judged only by this criterion: “Does this help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl?”

October 20, 2009

Aqua Bengal Has Better Hands Than Coats Without Opposable Thumbs.

I don't think consistency is the word you're looking for there. The ability to not suck? That works better.

but they aren’t ready to exile Dan Coats or J.P Foschi or activate third-rounder Chase Coffmaneven though he’s been good enough in practice that head coach Marvin Lewis is calling him all-Hamilton County.

I think Marvin's making fun of our fair county, because if Coffman can't get time with these two buffoons ahead of him, then all-Hamilton County must not mean much. Or it means Coffman could absolutely walk on at Elder and start right away.

“They’re our tight ends.” offensive coordinator Bob Bratkowski said Monday. “The only other option is to put an offensive lineman at tight end which we’ve done this season. The whole reason we did not have success was not strictly the tight ends.”

Translated: Mike Brown knows we are extremely thin at TE and does nothing about it because he's a cheap jackass. Also, I'm a bad play caller, which doesn't help things.

Clearly the Bengals are still battling the impact of the loss of their top two tight ends in training camp, Reggie Kelly and Ben Utecht. Kelly and Utecht have played a combined 203 NFL games. On Sunday against the Bears, Foschi plays his 25th NFL game and Coats his 22nd as a tight end.

GAHHHH!!! Don't blame injuries from MONTHS ago, Hob. This team could have figured out something more suitable than having two retreads getting all the snaps. Geathers has those swiveling hips Mikey Boy likes, maybe he could play both ways?

The Bengals do have Coffman sitting on the bench as the NCAA’s all-time prolific pass-catching tight end, and it figures he can at least catch it and hold onto it. But he’s never been asked to block until this season, although it’s a bit of a surprise it’s taken this long to get him acclimated to the scheme.

Who would have thought that a TE that played 100% out of the spread in college (That means he never had to block anyone ever) would have a tough time blocking Linemen and LB's in the NFL?

Mikey Boy's thought process - But he has those swiveling hips, and Whitlock swears by him. Whitlock would never steer me wrong, unless of course Jeff George is involved, then things get a little delusional even by my grade A insane standards.

When Coffman does start playing the indication is he won’t replace either Coats or Foschi.

How does he not replace Coats or Foschi? Is he actually being groomed to be our next long snapper?

I have a novel idea, why don't the Bengals just put Brian Leonard out there and let him play RB and TE at the same time. His gritty complexion will trump the laws of physics and maybe tear a whole in the fabric of our universe, but I'll be darned if he doesn't just flat out get the job done.

Comments

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The Bengals tight ends have been amazingly consistent. They sucked in preseason and have continued to suck the first 6 weeks on the regular season. I'm going to go out on a limb and say they will suck this Sunday as well.

Run Dennis Roland out as a tight end, they already do it anyway when they load the right side up for a run. He's fucking 6'9", throw it high, let's see if he's any worse than Coats or Foschi right? What happened to Shirley? I saw he wasn't dressed last Sunday, he's big, maybe he can catch? Seriously though, I simply don't get not TRYING Coffmann, he can't look that bad blocking that it's not even worth dressing him on Sundays? Really? REALLY? Not buying, let him play on third down and 5+ at least, so what if it is obvious we are throwing, it is anyway. How I'm still stunned at management's stupidity is stunning.

I know that they had to re-write the game plan against the Texans last week after losing Reggie Kelly and Ben Utecht. But what Hob really meant to say is that the REAL problem here is that the Bengals are still suffering from losing Odell Thurman.

This is exactly the kind of thing that caused the 2 decades of suckiness.

Step one: Bengals have well-known problem, anticipated well before season.
Step two: Mike Brown does jack-shit to solve problem.
Step three: Problem shows up in games that count, team doesn't win.

The trading deadline is today. They've just lost their best pass rusher. They don't have an NFL tight end. Probably either position can be filled with a better man by making a deal. I'd venture to guess they could trade for a better DL today than they will draft, um, EVER, because they suck at drafting defensive linemen.

But will they do anything to help this season have a better chance at winning? No. Other teams have and possibly will make moves. The Jets were looking good and went out and got Braylon Edwards. It might be a dumb move -- too early to tell -- but they were willing to do something to give themselves a better shot at winning now. The Bears got Gaines Adams, we'll see him on Sunday. Again, maybe that won't pan out, but at least they are willing to TRY to solve their problems, unlike Mr Brown.

I hate you, Sly. You remind me of a chronic "Jim Rome Show" caller/"clone"/all-around meatball. That being said, I agree wig you about Coats completely. I have said since the Bengals re-signed him in free agency that he is arguably the worst player at the NFL level that I have ever seen. This stemmed back to his failure as a FB and multiple easy TD drops from last and into this season. That being said, they wouldn't be in this predicament had they not lost Kelly and Utecht or if they went after Leonard Pope or Bubba Franks. They are also now scared that Coffman isn't ready to play. This is something that always irritated me about the Bengals--they are reluctant to play a guy with potential behind a guy who is terrible. I mean, how bad could the drop off actually be? Coats isn't that great of a blocker, otherwise they wouldn't have to have Roland in there as often as he has been in as an extra blocker. Coats is an absolute joke and they need solid tight ends because the opposing defenses' focus will be on our tOe Ted WRs.