And now that he's about to become Speaker of the House,
everybody's dying to know the secret to John Boehner's smoldering
apricot complexion.

The Daily Palin has obtained exclusive details about this
hard-drinking, hard-smoking, oft-sobbing SOB's unique nutritional
regimen. This from a source close to the sous chef who prepares
Boehner's carrots, yams and tangerine meringue pie.