Sunday, February 14, 2010

why am i fiening for spring? i just cant wait, the first nice day im going to go to the park, taking a blanket and just reading all day.

i of course will take a picnic, and it will be amazing. i might even fish to pass the time.

Spring will also mean my allerigies going into full blast. and humid humid days where my hair is a frizzy mess. but it also means, spring dresses!

i just bought this at forever 21, im stoked to wear it to be honest, i usually only wear dressed with black stockings, because im terribly afraid of my white legs. i was once told they looked like milk bottles, and that image has stayed with me forever lol

Other than sitting here dreaming about spring, a lot has happened in my life. I had to change my number because of Corey, seriously its gotten that bad. Ever since i found out that he was talking to his ex girlfriend behind my b ack, he refuses to be nice to me. Im pretty sure that if you do something bad to someone, they are the one supposed to be mad at you, not the other way around. I told him that there will be no more talk about us in a relationship and only talk about ethan. He says he wants to take me to court. I told him that we can sit down and type up an agreement and then going to a dmv and get it noterized. he still will not do that. that he doesnt need to sign anything to see his kid. I told him its not the most formal way of doing things but it will hold up in the court. and then he goes ona nd on about not wanting to see me and never talking to me again. Im sorry corey, but you have a kid with me, we will always have to talk, wether we go to the courts or handle it ourselves.

here is some parts of our converstation. i had asked him if he was bring ashley around ethan cause i felt as though i had a right to know who was around him

corey: anyway its no big deal.. i dont care 6:08 PM

Me: alright 6:08 PM

corey: whatever Courtney.. always the same god Damn answers.. 6:10 PM

corey: after this coming up friday, i dont want anything to do with you.. nothing 6:12 PM

corey: dont ask me for anything.. as soon as i get this job, im just going to go though the courts.. i dont trust you 6:14 PM

Me: you dont trust me because all i did was say alright? im sorry but im busy, i dont have time to sit here and discuss with you these things. 6:17 PM

Me: youre just mad cause youre not hearing the answers you want to hear. i told you why i wanetd to know, why do youw ant it to be a bigger thing then it is? 6:17 PM

corey: you never did before either, only if you get something from it.. 6:18 PM
-------------------------
corey: (RE:2/2)no thats bullshit.. its was never about me.. if you were pissed about anything it was always my fault or you blamed me and that happend when it w 6:24 PM

corey: asnt my fault.. 6:24 PM

Me: why does it even matter what our relationship was? that is over and done with, right now and forward its just about ethan. and us raising him together. 6:25 PM

Me: yet you want to go into this huge thing and hate me because i wont be wtih you bcause of what you did. you keep fucking me over and then bitch when ive had enough 6:25 PM

Me: you think its fair to ethan to have his dad and mom fight? no its not, ive been nothing but civil with you, youre the one that wants to fight all the time. 6:26 PM

Me: the thing is, youre always going to have to deal with me, even if the courts decide it. even if the judge gives you those days, we will still have to talk. 6:26 PM

Me: i dont know why you cant just be nice to me like you were when you were in jail, why you have to fight wtih me 6:26 PM

corey: i dont like you, thats why.. 6:27 PM

Me: you dont like me because i wont be with you. ive done everything, told you to call ethan, trying to give you days to see him. but you want to fight, thats great for ethan. 6:28 PM

Me: hes going to grow up and think, oh my dad didnt call me because he doesnt like my mom, or he didnt come see me cause he doesnt like my mom. 6:29 PM

Me: you think youre hurting me, but youre hurting ethan. its kind of sad that you got to stoop to this level, that you cant just be an adult and grow up and realize you have a kid, you need to man up and realize that it takes a lot to riase a child 6:29 PM

Me: im not jealous. believe me, but i have a right to know whos around my kid, you can be friends with whoever you wantyou can be with who ever you want,justdidntthink it would be a week later 6:20 PM
Me: you think i like you? not in the very least but im the one telling you to call ethan, im the one asking you if you want to take ethan for the weekend, im the onetrying to get you involved in his life. 6:30 PM

Me: you just want to go to court with me because its you know it will be longer till you have to man up and be a father. 6:31 PM

corey: (RE:2/2)COURTNEY, EVERY FUCKING TIME I CALL TO TALK TO HIM YOU TELL ME YOU TOO GOD DAMN BUSY.. SO FUCK YOU! 6:32 PM

Me: fine ill just tell ethan that you dont want to see him this weekend. goodbye 6:32 PM

corey: no, i want to go to court so when the judge grants me my rights for him i can laugh in you face.. 6:33 PM

Me: youre insane, because he was sleeping when you FINALLY called? okay, and i work take care of ethan and have school i dont have time to sit on the phone texting you why i dont want to be wtih you, its not even about that 6:33 PM

Me: why would it even matter if the judge grants you rights, im trying to give them to you anyways, you moron. 6:33 PM

------
i know that i should keep my cool and not call him names but he makes me so angry. he wnats to take me to court to get "rights" when im trying to let him see his kid and talk to him and he wont.
I changed my number and made a google voice number and gave him that, that way i can block him if he starts harassing me. it also can record converstations you have with someone, and i have a lot saved where he is royally going off on me, and it saves every single text message ever. so i think i have a pretty good case that i have tried to let ethan and corey have a relationship.

other than that my father had a surgery to put a stint in his heart, and everything went okay, he stayed in the hosptial longer than expected because his emzymes were low, but everything is okay now!
thank you for anyone who prayed or even thought about him in any way.

Today is valentines day and me and my ex (another one who im very good friends with ) are going to see valentines day at the movies, i hope its really good.

I have been doing a lot of interior decorating, even though i still live with my parents, i buy all this stuff to store away so when i get my degree and move out, im not sitting on milk crates looking at the mall
here is some of my inspiration.

the last one is my old art teachers house. you cant see what makes it amazing, but i used to clean his house for spare cash. He has records in every inch of his house, and it was just a really cool place.

I hope everyone has a wonderful valentines day! and i leave you with this