Sunday, April 4, 2010

ramble bamble

you know that feeling when you desperately want to stop the clocks and live in the moment and simultaneously are pleading with time to speed up, to let you get past the hard and tiresome and straight into the rest, relaxation, and sense of accomplishment and then you realize that you are, once again, missing the beautiful moments happening right in front of you and you detail the whole ordeal in the worlds longest run-on sentence?

i used to be really good at being present. im not exactly sure what happened, but now it seems as though my mind and my heart are a million other places and im missing the goodness that is right in front of me. we are at such a crossroad in our life right now, and so many things are about to change. we are graduating in a month, which means i have to start my teacher applications asap. both of my best friends are getting married in the next two months, and i dont want to miss this special time in their lives before their weddings. we looked at the law school that we feel like omar is supposed to go to, its beautiful:

i dont want to live in fear or excitement- but i feel both of those things so deeply. waiting fearfully and joyfully in expectation of whats to come and living directly and completely in the moment. conundrum.

I had my heart transformed at the age of 17 by a God who stopped at nothing to make His love for me known. I am broken and imperfect, but because of His love I am whole. I am learning how to be a human being, though often times I feel like an alien. Fortunately, God has given me a loving, patient husband who understands what its like to have one foot in heaven and the other on earth. We make a dynamic duo, if I do say so myself, and I couldn't be more excited to see our life unfold. In the mean time, I am learning how to trust, to love authentically, and to be where I am...wherever that is.