Christmas Letter To Nan..

We knew last year would probably be our last with you but somehow I didn't believe it. You fought so hard and were so brave Nan. I wish I was half as brave as you.
It's stupid but you were one of those people that you think are going to be around for ever.
Even the day you passed on I never thought you were actually going. That doctor, when he warned me that I needed to call all the family over, I thought he was being melodramatic. My Nan's a fighter, I felt like saying to him, you've got it wrong.
He didn't have it wrong though did he *sobs*
Even when Barry started screaming I didn't think it was time, I thought we would be able to get you back.

I would give anything to have our time again. To come to bingo with you, to fall asleep with you, to sit watching the neighbours and gossiping with you, even to have one of our fights.

I hope you know how much I love you? I know we had our bad times, but who doesn't. Our bond was so much stronger than most Nan's and Granddaughters...you were more like a Mum to me. Guess that's what comes from living together for practically 20 years.

I can remember every moment of the cancer journey we had to suffer. Well, that you had to suffer and I had to watch. Right from that very first appointment. And I would have given anything to take the illness from you.

I blamed myself for most of it Nan. And I blame myself for letting you go that night 6 months ago. Maybe if I had called the doctor earlier or something they could have saved you?

I'm sorry for every selfish stunt I pulled when you were alive and if I could have our time again I would be a better Granddaughter.

it's a beautiful letter sam but one thing. Don't blame yourself for her passing, it was her time. Everything happens for a reason and I'm sure shes watching over you and still loving you as much as when she was here. :hug:

I wish I had a grand daughter as thoughful as you Samantha. Perhaps one day, till then I hold dear many of your words and thoughts to give me courage and strenght to be there for that day when they will be old enough...... thank you very so much. You are an inspiration to grandmothers.