Tuesday, November 11, 2014

My family and I watched a television show not long
ago about the power of observation. The show depicted police officers looking
for subtle clues to decide on a suspect’s guilt or innocence.

In one true scenario, an officer was on the lookout
for a stolen red Mustang without tags. It just so happened that two were parked
outside a convenience store. The officers staked out the place and witnessed a
man with his head down walk quickly toward one of the vehicles, toss his trash in
a nearby can, jump in, slam it into reverse and drive away. A second man soon
followed, except this one took his time, glanced at the policeman and nodded,
turned up his bag of chips, and then wadded up the bag and threw it in the
backseat before casually getting in the vehicle and carefully backing out. Who’s
the real crook?

The answer is … number two. What gave him away?

“Who throws trash into his own car?” asked the show’s
host, incredulously.

At this point, my entire family turns and looks at
me, and I know what they are thinking, “We’d better save some bail money.”

My grandmother, the tidiest person I ever knew,
would be appalled if she saw the back seat of my car. It’s true, I’m
embarrassed to admit, I tend to throw things back there. It’s usually as I
drive, and it’s usually with great flourish. For example, I will finish off my
bottle of sparkling water, say “Ah,” and toss it in the back.

At which point, I will usually get a sounding chorus
of outraged voices going, “MOM!”

My messy car has not been the only source of
admonishment from my children. I also have trouble with papers. You know all
the hundreds of thousands of papers that the kids bring home from school every
day. Why, why, why so many papers? And, where, where, where is a parent
supposed to put them? I tried organizational boxes with the kids’ names on
them, the dining room table, behind the pepper jar in the kitchen, and for a
long while, on top of the pool table, but since we sold that, I’ve now regulated
them all to a big, fat stack. You need your physical form, your field trip
form, your science Olympiad schedule? Check the stack.

It worked pretty well until my son had to ride the
bus for the first time this year. He came home and said, “Where is my bus form?”

I told him to - say it with me - “Check the stack.”

He looked there, and then we went down the list of
other locations: behind the pepper jar, on the dining room, and even his book
bag, which is the equivalent of the Lost and Found, but no bus form.

“Just get another one tomorrow,” I advised.

“Um, I will, but I don’t think she’ll like it much.”

Next day, he came back with the form, and I
dutifully filled it out. I took him to school that morning, and he rode the bus
home and promptly asked if his sister could pick him up the next day.

I looked at him and said, “You lost your form, didn’t
you?”

Turns out, the bus driver told him that was his last
one, and he wasn’t going to get on the bus without it. We eventually found it.
No, not in the stack but tossed in the backseat of my car, along with some
empty sparkling water bottles, and some other miscellaneous papers.

Please don’t judge me. I've already called the Mom
police, and they are on their way. I’ll be in the red Mustang finishing up my
chips.

About Me

Take one Georgia-based writer, mix with humor and everyday life, and you have Life as Leigh sees it.
Meredith Leigh Knight is an award-winning writer and columnist who — when she’s not playing dress up and taking refuge among adults at her corporate communication job — is continually pondering the mysteries of motherhood, such as why the words “Hey, Mom!” are never followed by anything good.
You may contact her at leighslifeblog@aol.com or follow her on Twitter at @leighslifeblog.