The Thaw Before The Spring

Tuesday, January 24, 2017

Just to Fuckin' Write

There have been comings and goings and runnings and walkings and christmas stockings. My life has been a run on sentence for months now, with little punctuation, and a lack of clear, concise thought.

But I have a sneaking suspicion that that is just the way these things go.

And by these things, I am, of course, referring to my recent departure down the road of parenthood.

I am a father.

Wow. Just typing those words gives so much sonorousness to their end effect.

This past Christmas season, everything changed in my life. And I truly mean everything. Words have more meaning. The minutes have more use than they ever have, and the seconds speed by in a firework post-smoke pop, more so than they ever have.

A tiny bundle of joy has joined the life of me and my glorious partner. While traveling somehow out of me, to conjoin and blossom in the body of my partner, who carried her around for nearly 9 long, arduous, joyous months, she shot out after many hours in a godlike moment of wonder and terror and joy. To see a child pulled and pushed out of a human being is an experience that is unlike anything else. You feel like you are watching a primordial ritual of sorts - something that a mortal should not be allowed to watch. Almost like ancient spirits pulling an animal out of a rock. It's beyond surreal. And I'd highly recommend it to anyone with the right amount of love and patience.

We lived on a precipice, and now, we are on the other side. We have reached a different level in the video game of life, and in doing so - we have unlocked many more beautiful, eye-jewelled levels to come. And we bash on through them together. And now, we are in the sweet, interesting, and sometimes painfully long hereafter. This state of being involves a lot of testing. A lot of movement testing and soft-shush therapy happens. It's the way. Sleep. Change diapers. Feed. Repeat. And somewhere in there, we do the same things (just without diapers...for now, anyways).