Thursday, December 31, 2009

Rocks and Islands and Christmas Carols

You know that Simon & Garfunkel song, “I am a Rock”? How it ends with “…and a rock feels no pain and an island never cries”? I’m not proud of it, it’s far from admirable, but that describes my motto pretty well. Keep the things you love close to your heart. Don’t share knowledge that can be used as ammunition against you and you’ll never be hurt.

I received a response from reader Julesames regarding my article “Any Given Saturday” that has been haunting me. No, it was not hurtful or negative. My article had mentioned how I keep secret my fanfiction addiction even while willing the teenage girls I was chaperoning to own up to loving Twilight. I was bemoaning the fact that the girls always crumble like a house of cards anytime the boys start mocking them about it. No one is willing to defend and represent the “I Heart Twilight” side of the argument. I admitted to feeling hypocritical, since I keep my feelings to myself while willing others to go to battle for me.

Julesames’s letter stated that she chose to make a stand. She made no secret of her Twilight love, and as a result, she’s been subject to some criticism from co-workers and family but at the same time she has made several RL friends that share that love. She’s one courageous chick; she knows who she is and she doesn’t hide her true feelings.

…and her bravery made me feel decidedly wimpy.

I know this is a difficult subject, and I’m likely opening myself up to attacks, but I think it’s important to shine a light on this topic…the topic being, simply stated: why are Twilight fans derided to the extent that fans feel it necessary to hide their feelings?

In every fandom there are a few loose screws that take their obsession to a level embarrassing to the rest of us. I’m not writing about them; I’m referring to your average, normal yet quietly obsessed fan that average, normal people out there find necessary to mock and ridicule. (I am a rock; I am an island…)

The amount of vitriol spewed by the media at Twilight fans can be fierce. But those attacks hurt no where near as much as comments made by family and friends, who are no doubt influenced by the media and its obvious distain. It’s not great literature, but then we never claimed it was and neither has Stephenie Meyer. I’m not a newcomer to fanaticism. Honestly I’ve been obsessed by other book series, movies and TV shows in the past, but never before have I experienced the amount of hatred and maliciousness that is often leveled at Twilight fans. I’ve never before been made to feel ashamed of my feelings regarding something I loved.

It almost seems like overkill. I wish I could say to them all: “Ok, ok, we get it! You don’t like Twilight! You think fans of the books are emotional and deluded simpletons. Our devotion to Edward fills you with inexplicable fury. You want us to collectively take a long walk off a short pier.”

But really…why do they care so much? Why spend so much energy hating us? Not everybody loves Star Trek or Lord of the Rings or Harry Potter, but do people waste time viciously badmouthing any of them? No, not to the extent of Twilight. Why?

Here’s Hoosier Mama’s theory.

Feel free to accept it, reject it, or ignore it: your choice.

They are chick books and chick flicks. All of the other hugely successful franchises since Star Trek in the 1960’s have been male-dominated. I’m not saying women don’t get fanatical about them; after all, I’ve been to a Star Trek convention, and I saw the original Star Wars movie ten times in the theater. I read J.K. Rowling’s first two books to my kids at bedtime while excitedly recommending them to my friends who would routinely ask me, “Harry…who?”

Women aren’t supposed to have obsessions, unless they are male-approved, and then we are welcome to jump on the band wagon. Even Harry Potter got the seal of approval by obsessed boys, but Twilight? It’s not male-approved. Most guys don’t get it and there are only a few that have actually “stooped” to read it. Because Twilight is a romance whose fans are primarily women, some men, without even realizing why they feel that way, think it must be torn down off its pedestal. If they don’t like it, and would never read it, then nobody else should either. It bothers them that their opinion is so totally discounted by diehard fans.

Then there’s the whole other stigma that I haven’t mentioned yet; it’s the 800 lb. gorilla sitting unnoticed on top of our computer screens. Not only are we Twilight fans, we’re also obsessed with fanfiction. I suppose this makes us doubly cursed. In the opinion of the bashers, we’re doubly afflicted with poor taste. If we can’t share our love of Twilight without feeling belittled, there’s no way we would open ourselves up to the avalanche of criticism we would be buried under by professing a love of fanfiction.

If I’m right and the bashing is a result of it being a chick book, how then do I explain the fact that out of the four women in my office who read the books at my enthusiastic urging, three of the women hated them? I can’t explain it. Maybe I work with a bunch of cantankerous, opinionated pragmatists without a single romantic feeling to be found in their cold, cold hearts. (Forgive me. It’s possible I’m still slightly bitter…) Would I recommend fanfiction to any of them? Hell no! Not in a million years. In fact, I’ll never again recommend a book I love to any of my co-workers. I’ve learned it’s entirely too painful. (I am a rock; I am an island…)

The one good result from all the Twilight bashing is the creation of a close-knit community of fans. Because we’ve circled the wagons to protect ourselves from the antagonism of the outside world, we’ve become our own cheerleaders, supporters and ultimately…friends.

So the next time someone you know starts a Twilight-bashing rampage, smile a secret smile at the poor deluded moron. Your place is secure in the huge Twilight fanfiction community, an island where you can express your true feelings in safety with your fellow world-weary fans, where there’s always another fic to read, another review to write…and where you are always welcome.

Did You Have a Merry Christmas?

A Very Cullen Christmas Carol

(Sung to the tune of Away in a Manger)

Away with my fam’ly; no Wi-Fi is near.

This means no fanfiction ‘til Sunday next year.

Withdrawal will be painful; I ask thee to pray

That sanity comes back to me some sweet day.

Away with the Cullens! We wish we could be

Off reading fanfiction alone happily.

Instead we’re with Grandma who won’t understand

When we disappear to hook up new broadband.

Away with their fam’lies; no authors are here.

This means no fic updates for long weeks I fear.

Oh authors! Take pity! Your readers are glum.

Please come back and write ‘til your fingers go numb.

Wishing you every fluffy happiness from my family to yours – Hoosier Mama

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

I decided I wanted to interview Alice aka Feathersmmmmfor the blog. I asked AG if I could and she graciously agreed. She told me she wanted it in a 17 question format. I balked. Instead I caught Alice on Chat and we had a talk…here it is, edited for typos and only a few rando digressions. It’s raw and possibly confusing. I cleaned it up as best I could!Angel: one second Alice: k Angel: my bff (heya mo!) called and was in the middle of a rob is so hot rant Alice: haha Angel: we do this three times a day Alice: always take time for a rob rant Angel: yes okay...today they tell me they want me to ask you like 17 questions and I’m all… Alice: hahaha who is they??

Angel: "NO I LIKE TO DO THE CHAT"(mods via AG) Alice: I see Angel: so I’m refusing Alice: ask away and then post the chat lets make it nice and loose. thats what she said. in fact, I would post what we have said already Angel: yes I tell them people prefer the acutal convo (fine this is what I like) trust me Alice: they do Angel: I will Alice: especially for me, since I am clearly insane. People enjoy insanity, not gonna lie Angel: When you answer preset questions you have time to think it over and filter and edit Alice: hello mods!! Waves I have no edit button Angel: bhahah WE SEE YOU Alice: seriously...i should self edit more but I don’t Angel: no me either Alice: we see you, and you will get alice, raw and uncut Angel: excellent okay let me begin Alice: wait wait. can i tweet that you are intrerviewing me? Angel: WHAT? Yes Alice: or is it a secret? Angel: no I tweeted earlier that I needed questions I got a couple okay while you are gone I will do my intro: Alice: ok, just tweeted hit me btw, i just got as brazilian about an hour ago...so I am a little cranky...and I hope this makes it into the interview Angel: people know that I am a obsessed rob lover all the time so a couple of them told me to read I love LA, a Robfic, and I was all "Ewww-hale not those creep me out" so, anyway then came the terrible, TERRIBLE DAY IN THE FANDOM the day ofAlice: dun dun dun Angel: the horrific Kings of Leon photos and a piece of me died Alice: can’t even think about it Angel: no we will not discuss Alice: I left a piece of my soul on that Parisian tarmac Angel: I apologize for bringing it up and really you know I can talk about it for days so we won't. anyway- Alice: I cant talk about it. That’s a hard limit for me.... TURPENTINEAngel: someone said Annie I think--she said go read ILLA it will make you feel better. I promise Alice: awwww I love you Annie so getting laid tonight Angel: so I just dove the fuck in. and I loved it. Alice: you really have to just dive right in with rl fic. It’s not a hair by hair band aid situation...you gotta go all or nothing Angel: I did. it was great. as you know cause I fangirled you Alice: hahaha!! I know, I lost my shit when I got a review from you as I am a creature of habit whore I texted nina I was all "holy sheet angel is reading illa!!!" Angel: Well, the funny thing is you were reviewing me and posting on my thread and i was all embarrassed that I didn’t read your fic. Alice: pffft Angel: I felt terrible--I did Alice: please Angel: but whatever Alice: rl fic squicks most peeps so I never take it personallyAngel: the reality of the situation is that horrible not to be named event brought us together Alice: but am glad to have you on this side of the sharks vs jets rumble Angel: me too Alice: haha, yes, and now our lives are almost complete Angel: almost Alice: btw, edit out my typos please Angel: I will (note: I tried!) Alice: I say almost complete because it will not be fully complete until we have rob in our kitchen baking cookies and by baking cookies. I mean actually baking cookies, as that would be a great way to kill an afternoon Angel: it would I would love to bake cookies with rob. QUESTION: Alice: cracks neck

Angel: if you could do one thing with rob that was not sexual what would it be? Alice: anything??? Angel: yes Alice: hmmm other than bake cookies? Angel: yes Alice: can I bring him to christmas dinner? just to infuriate mr alice? Angel: (I love that you have to think of this I totally know my answer). Yes anythingAlice: I would bring him to christmas dinner, subject him to my mother, and then get him wasted and then move on to the stocking stuffing portion of the evening~ahem Angel: so...serious question: Alice: cracks knuckles Angel: Why RL fic? how did you get into this? Alice: OK here’s the cliffs notes version before illa I had never written anything before I mean anything not even in a journal because whenever iI tried to write in a journal, I felt like a dork I felt like I was cheating, and it felt false and very after school special anyway when i started reading fanfiction and reading anything and everything that I could get my hands on

as you do at the beginning, like a fiend I noticed there were not that many fics about rob now I was new to ff and i had no idea that writing rl

fic was such a big deal and that so many people found it akin to killing kittens that being said, I started to get some ideas. I saw 2 interviews with rob:

1. where he was asked who his celebrity crushes are he answered Patricia Arquette, Dana Delaney and Elizabeth Shue who are not young woman…interesting 2. he told another interviewer that he thought Tina Fey was the sexiest woman on the planet.

This killed me dead. So, here’s this young kid, about to be hugely famous and he is clearly a smart ass and a funny, funny guy besides being illegally cute and I started to piece together some ideas for a story and grace was born the story started out very small, had virtually no readers, and then it just took on a momentum of its own and since I hadn’t written anything before writing a "genre" like rl fic which doesn’t have a large audience (at least initially) but there weren’t many out there, I thought it would be a great way to try something new and make a little niche for myself since there were only a few rl fics out there. I really didn’t think anyone would read it

so its funny now when I reread the first few chapters and think wow, what shite

Angel: ha I do this to. It’s painful. Okay so one reason I loved ILLA is: Rob seemed like Rob, you know, fictionalized but still Rob but Grace? She was awesome Alice: totally idealized rob btw aw… Angel: totally. Well, some RL fics…obviously I can not read Robsten fics at all ever, so that cuts out a bunch then Alice: shudders Angel: I know lets not speak of it then there are the ones that seem like the authors just are writing about themselves and Rob which is creepy and not entertaining

Alice: I have to tell you I got a criticism early on from someone that wasn’t even reading the fic that was saying that rl fic is just masturbatory fantasies. on the one hand I was like...dur... but on the other hand, i thought that the character of Grace is someone that a lot of people really seemed to relate to Angel: ha I know yes Alice: and I was actually glad to get the criticism since illa only got a few bad reviews Angel: absolutely-well I PMed you and told you that I felt like ILLA was the kind of book I would pick up at Target in chick lit (which I mean as a compliment) it carried itself Alice: thank you my dear Angel: np Alice: Grace seems to be able to hold her own Angel: she does Alice: and by that clearly I mean her own boobies. you knew boobies would come up at some point in this interview right? Angel: I was hoping Alice: only a matter of time Angel: Okay next question: Alice: cracks back Angel: ILLA was pulled from FF.net because the terms of service does not allow RL fics. Care to describe this scenario? Alice: no haha. It was pulled by ff.net because someone or many someones reported it and it apparently is in violation of their terms of service so there :) Angel: (note: almost all authors on ff violate the TOS at one point or another during a fic. This isn’t an excuse it is just a fact) Alice: one day i signed in and poof no more all the reviews gone. It was sad really Angel: well, you are not the only FF friend I have who has had this issue--and there’s weren’t RL fic so. It sucks Alice: but it had been complete for some time at that point I believe. Yes I agree but what can you do ya know? I was a little pissy but ah well Angel: well i had just finished it and told a friend to read it...she was midway though and it was just gone-she freaked so I said...oh go read it on twilighted...WHICH takes us to… At least there are other awesome sites that allow all kinds of writing. Alice: indeed and I love twilighted had actually toyed with the idea of only posting Wallbanger (Edward Wallbanger is Alice’s AHAU fic) on twilighted.net but then I decided I didn’t want to limit the readers to only that site what’s funny is illa did much, much better on twi than on ff, so I thought the same would be the case on ff but no maam the opposite happened I got waaay more readers on ff this time around....its nice I am pleased when anyone reads it, anywhere but I must say I do love the community over on twilighted a lot Angel: well you know twilighted is so close to my heart because it literally carried me through what we call The Fail of breaking dawn Alice: ah Angel: I lived on the fail train Alice: that was before my time awww Angel: for about 2 months. It helped me cope

Alice: it’s nice you all had a place where you could talk each other down off the ledge. Later on I will share with you how I would like to see the Isle Esme scene filmed heh heh heh Angel: excellent okay I have a reader question: Alice: cracks ass Angel: From EjSantry of course Alice: I love reader questions. Wait a minute…are you going to ask me about kitchen sex? Angel: why yes I am Alice: I fucking knew it…jesus Angel: do you refuse this question? I will allow one refusal Alice: oh no, I don’t refuse it- I welcome it, I just never thought believe me, in a million years that I would be known for my kitchen sex in an online twilight porn community Angel: Question: Favorite kitchen surface (ykwim)? Alice: but ah well haha well, for the foreplay, I love sitting on the counter, but for the actual sexing usually the floor which is always spotless thank you very much Angel: I was gonna say you totally do not have kids or dogs Alice: neither Angel: exactly Alice: altho we do have 2 cats Angel: meh not the same Alice: one of whom is named Gracie hahaha Eventually we are getting a Bernse Mountain Dog which will shed a lot might cut down on the kitchen floor sexing we'll see Angel: well it will but maybe not for the hair but for the fact it will try to join in trust Alice: gross Angel: question 2 from EJ Alice: cracks up Angel: Favorite place to find new fics? Alice: ooooo I like to go old school and I click on Most Recent on twi and scroll until I strike gold which just recently yielded With Teeth, which is making everyone apeshit right now not to mention I find a lot of little known fics this way which I really like to pimp Angel: ape shit? me? Let’s discuss pimping fics. I am a huge fan of the author pimp and I find it difficult sometimes As I have a fairly large readership and they really appreciate the fic rec and I love to read and I love to share what I am reading but...there is this hard side where if you contact an author and tell them you are reading and then idk fall out of love with the story it gets uncomfortable. do you experience this? Alice: hmmmm…I usually don’t reach out to the author and tell them I am gonna rec. I sometimes I rec it at the end of a chapter Angel: no no I don’t either but I do contact them by review Alice: sometimes, especially recently since Wallbanger went on hiatus, I rec it on emails, forum threads, or twitter so, when I rec something I usually hear back from the author within a day or so which is great, since I love to meet new peeps, BUT I usually don’t rec something unless I am pretty damn sure I am gonna stick with it for the long hauland Wallbanger readers especially seem to really like the recs, and they usually start reading them right away which makes me happy since I love to share what is currently kicking my ass Angel: yes I dont review or rec until it is a good way in. Alice: especially when its a fic that not a lot of people are reading I was very lucky that illa caught the attention of some big authors at the time and they pimped the shit outta me and so I always make sure to share what I like and what I love:) Angel: yes I feel the same way. I was lucky to have the support of some really great authors with COH. It was amazing. I try to return the favor. And you and I both read a lot like daily many authors either don’t or maybe dont admit it Alice: I read a lot of updates from my phone and it sucks because I cant review from my phone. another reason I like to pimp other fics Angel: (yes so you say) Alice: I cant!! Angel: ha. okay Alice: shut it

Angel: ahem-next question Alice: smokes crack Angel: EJ-things that make you laugh? Alice: roseanne reruns, mr alice cracks my shit up on a daily basis. weird stuff cracks me up like, really good banter. if you have never watched His Girl Friday or Bringing Up Baby....jesus. that stuff is gold its the back and forth that I like Angel: okay last one from EJ: Favorite Xmas gift? floor cleaner? Alice: that I gave or was given? Angel: idk she didn’t specify Alice: hmmm…favorite gift was when mr alice bought me tickets to go see RENT, and hid them in a book about musical theater I was so excited to read the book. I was flipping thru it and actually started crying when I saw the pages ABOUT rent, missing the tickets that were tucked in that page He just stood there laughing for 5 minutes while I missed the tickets then when I saw them then the waterworks started for real Angel: awwww you heart mr. alice and his gifts Alice: I really do and his peen Angel: good thing right? Alice: mm hmm Angel: okay one more reader question: Alice: gets crackalackin Angel:AltheaJames wants to know how much time do you spend reading as you are a pimping machine. Alice: hahaha no shit. I read updates a lot, that keeps me current, and I pick up probably a new fic each week although not as much lately as I have been so busy. I read a shit ton. That’s actually been measured a shit ton. since we have been doing this interview 2 of my fics have updated Angel: meeeee tooooo! Alice: :) Angel: as we read like 99% of the same fics Alice: yes we do Angel: I bet you are trying to decide which one to read first Alice: its gonna be hard tonight (that’s what she said) Angel: sometimes I hold out on the 'better' one Alice: me too!!! Save the best for last Angel: AG and I use fic updates as carrots for writing "if I write 1k I can read this update"

Alice: I do that sometimes altho I can barely write checks these days Angel: she is doing this at this moment with Burn and Shine. Alice: fucking hell, I forgot that updated too!! This is gonna be a good night Angel: It was awesome FYI I read it Alice: shut it Angel: Speaking of Writer's Blocks… Alice: cracks block Angel: how much does having a writer's block SUCK? Alice: it sucks balls, big balls, big huge elephant balls normally I don’t get it, but if I take too long to update ~ahem~ its harder for me to get back into it. outlining helps a lot and I go by scene rather than word count or pages or anything I know how many scenes per chapter I am gonna work on and I go scene by scene but if I stop mid chapter mid-scene rather. it’s really hard for me to pick back up Angel: yes I can relate to this is why I update weekly-literally Alice: you are a machine with nuts and bolts Angel: if I didn’t I would have a hard time getting it done. Ha! Do you find Wallbanger easier or harder to write than ILLA (not including blocks)? Alice: harder Angel: any reason? Alice: when I started wallbanger I was coming off illa, and I was sad but I wanted to get a chapter posted of wallbanger before I ended illa to help transition over some readers but it took awhile to get out of Grace’s head and into Bella’s once I was there I wrote pretty fast but then rl exploded and that has brought us here. Angel: you write a lot of humor Alice: I do Angel: my favorite part of Wallbanger so far is when she follows Edward to the bathroom cause she is scared to be left in the room alone. I would so do this Alice: hahaha Angel: I love real life humor in the middle of a story Alice: I think its funny because so many of us would do this. I remember being at slumber parties and if we were watching a scary movie we would all go to the bathroom in a group--the mental image of Bella outside Edward’s bathroom draped in a sad sack afghan was just too funny to me to not put in with one eyehole darting around furiously Angel: it was awesome…well...its imagery and imagery is so good Alice: that’s the thing Angel: it is a skill many authors need to learn to use Alice: I see everything in cinemascope that’s why I had the soundtrack to illa so integrated into the scenes I actually thought about if it were a movie--what song would be playing and I try to write scenes so that you cab really imagine it there I don’t know what I am doing half the time but I think if I were reading this, what would I need to feel 'there" and then I go I think because I never took a writing class and know SHIT about writing as a craft. I am more simple in how I lay out a scene I think about the subtext when I am creating dialogue what are they saying, but what are they reaaaalllyy saying what are the stakes in each scene what has to happen in many ways, its more a character study the way I figure this shit out Angel: you know I do this also...it may be why we like each others writing...its a similar technique. I do all of that too I spend half the time thinking about what they aren't saying in relation to what they are saying. Alice: yes the subtext--the hum just underneath when he says "pass the milk" what he really wants to say is "pass the milk before I scream at you for fucking that other guy" blah blah blah see, this is why you cant ask an actor questions like this I can bullshit on character motivation for fucking days Angel: you did pull your ILLA from twilighted? correct? and if you did...did you get any grief from this or comments? care to explain why you did?

Alice: I got a lot of questions about where it had gone and the readers have been insanely supportive George and Gracie will def be back and there will def be a sequel those two are too much fun to go away forever Angel: ima ask some fluff questions. favorite book: Alice: love fluff. Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs Angel: are you currently reading a 'real book'? Alice: I am about a fourth of the way into Under The Dome, Stephen King, and also Ms Astor Regrets I tend to have several books going at once. I am also reading What It Means To Be 98% Chimpanzee Angel: What was your favorite part of NM? Alice: it would be easy to say the reunion but I actually liked when Bella made the family put it to a vote and in fact, I loved in the movie when she told Edward to shut up I thought it was a nice addition I never liked the idea that Bella’s choices were made for her I appreciated that she was making the rest of the family vote it wasn’t just up to Edward way to ball up Bella Angel: yes--it was one of the more realistic moments--people in Hollywood think we want passive Bella. as we in fanfic know…we do not. Alice: no we don’t we do however want to see the trailer to Facepunch. fucking hell, best name for a fake movie ever Angel: bhahahaha yes. I KNOW it was like Seinfeld and their fake movie names Alice: I hope it’s on the DVD extras Angel: okay: what was the last band you went to see? Alice: I dont see live bands very often I see every U2 show and its like going to church so its hard for me to see other concerts when I am not emotionally invested Angel: yes I get this totally

Alice: wait wait that’s not true. the last concert I was fucking NKOTB last fall and it was fantastic. wouldn’t have traded it for the world so much fun Angel: ha I am older than you Alice: I doubt it Angel: but I went to see Duran Duran later in life and it was like--a dream come true Alice: I bet, seriously seeing New Kids, I felt 13 again it was hysterical I was laughing so hard Angel: it was like I had completed a moment in life Alice: yep Angel: ~sees Duran Duran~ check. okay: Kill, Fuck, Marry? Edward in With Teeth, Burn and Shine or High AnxietyAlice: ooooo oh man you just killed me dead Angel: I know- that was a good one.. Alice: can I count for the kill?? I guess Kill Burn and Shine, only because she has already fucked him--Fuck High Anxiety because come on, the guy needs it BAD and Marry With Teeth, so they can wait until he is thru his recovery abstaining phase and then he can fuck the shit out of her—I mean me Angel: okay wrapping up…anything you want to do? Alice: Yes, can I rec a fic? Angel: yep please do. Alice: I’m totally into Stolen Singer by nerac. It’s new. http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5524894/1/Stolen_Singer Angel: great…Thanks for chatting! Alice: Thanks- I feel like a grown-up. Alice aka Feathersmmmm is the author of the Rpattz fic I love LA and the AU/AH story Edward Wallbanger. She is also a moderator of Twigasam Podcast. If you didn’t notice she is dealing with a bad case of writer’s block and we hope this gets better soon so we can find out what happens in Tahoe.

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

When everything turns to dust and falls apart at the seams, the only way out, may be the only way in. The path you know might not be the easiest, but it might also be the only one you need. AH Dark Themes Ahead

It's sometimes weird how connections are made in this fandom. For example, I had being hearing about an author named Miztrezboo for months before encountering her fic awesomeness. I'd seen things written about her on forums, I'd seen some excellent banners for her stories, and I'd even chatted to her on Twitter before I got around to reading one of her stories – finally giving in to my curiosity about this charismatic and well-liked fellow-Aussie.

I read the first chapter of her latest fic, Where the Road Meets the Sun, and I was immediately hooked, and for me, that's the only reason I start a new story. There has to be something there. Some sort of visceral connection that links me to the characters, that makes me care about them, that makes me want to find out more about them and go on some sort of journey with them. Well, Boo grabbed me in the guts with a metal spiked gauntlet with the prologue to WTRMTS, and I couldn't stop reading. The prologue not only starts with Bella and Edward breaking up, but they leave each other completely shattered, and Bella suddenly can't comprehend living her life without him.

“I don’t think you ever tried at all.” His voice was a whisper on the ice cold December wind, whistling in with his parting words. The chill iced over my skin as the door finally closed; closing behind him, closing in on me.

That door shutting was so much more than a block between him and me. It was the dividing line between what we had and what we were, and I was left on the wrong side of it. I felt my body slide helplessly to the floor. The hardwood underneath me was as cold and unyielding as I felt.

How did it come to this? How did we - I let it get this far? Everything I had known as true had disappeared completely. There was nothing I could do, nothing that would right all these wrongs.

As I lay with my warm cheek pressed against the cold floor, a glimmer of silver shone in the dim light. I hadn’t realized I’d still been holding it when he came bursting in the front door. Looking at it now though, my hand reflexively tightening around the cool metal of the handle. Perhaps it was the answer I’d been looking for.

And thus the roller-coaster ride of this great story begins.

Boo weaves a tale in which Bella and Edward have always been in each other's lives, from the moment when two year old Bella is introduced to her next door neighbor's new baby the day he is brought home from the hospital.

As the story goes, as soon as my mother bent low enough for Isabella to peer into the gap of the blankets, my eyes opened and I smiled. Isabella smiled back at me and we were, according to the tale that had been repeated over the last seventeen years, inseparable ever since. As mom went to move away from the fence, Isabella started to squeal, I started to bawl, and the noise between both of us only ceased once Isabella's and my eyes met again. It would seem as if there was love, or friendship at least, at first sight between the older toddler and the innocent babe.

As the years pass, of course, other, less innocent feelings start to develop, at least on the part of young Edward.

Even at the age of eleven I knew that I loved her. I may not have known exactly how deep, or exactly what that love really meant. However, I knew enough to know that I didn’t want any other boy touching her, and that if any boy was to touch her, it was going to be me.

Boo's writing is compelling and natural, and she switches easily between Edward and Bella POV's, each chapter alternating to give us a different perspective on the unfolding drama. Her characterizations are rich and complex, and her descriptive style is truly a pleasure to read.

Edward is an open book. He's a geek who wears his heart on his sleeve and who isn't afraid to cry when the love of his life dumps him.

Bella is complicated. She obviously has issues related to her parents. The causes are hinted at, but so far not expanded on, and because of this she finds she's unable to feel worthy of the only man she's ever truly loved. She finds excuses to push Edward away, and although this frustrates the hell out of me as a reader, as a valid, true-to-life character portrayal, it's pretty spot on. I've known girls like this. You want to slap them and scream at them to stop being so damn self-deprecating and just accept the love that is offered freely to them, but do they listen? Oh, no. And that's the crux of this story.

The supporting players that Boo has created are also excellent. Rosalie is Bella's hard-ass, smart-talking best friend, but when Bella stomps all over Edward's heart, it's Rosalie that's left to pick up the pieces.

Edward's best friend is a perpetually stoned and achingly charismatic Jasper, who likes verbally torturing uptight Rosalie far too much for his feelings toward her to be purely platonic.

The villain of the piece is one of the most thoroughly unlikeable versions of James I have ever read, and in this fandom, that's saying something. His insidious, multi-layered personality is masterfully written.

This story and this author are severely under-appreciated and I would highly recommend you run out and jump head-first into this salty and sweet tale. It's dark in places, but it also has good doses of humor, especially in Edward's POV, and although Bella's self-loathing is untiring, it's written with such gut-wrenching reality, you can' help but pray she finds the courage to move past it.

So go. Read it. Love it. Leave Boo some love, and tell her Kiya sent you.

“Bitch,” I says to Jasper one fine snowy day. “I’mma hit that shit like the fist of an angry God.”

“Whatever, bitch,” he said back to me. “She hates your guts.”

“Yeah, but she might love the other parts,” I mumbled, walking up the hallway to her dorm. “Stay away. At midnight, she’s mine.”

Her lips were all I could think of anymore. What better way to ring in the New Year than a sweet kiss from that piece of ass?

Drabble #2:

This will be my last one because she is alone. Had she a friend, then I’d have two more.

As it is, there is just one.

Pornographers burn in hell. I imagine they blister and shriek for eternity. I break her neck and bite as soon as the pulse is dead, so she won’t go right from one hell to the next. I can’t feel guilt when she tastes so good, but I’ll pay for this later, when I finally return to Carlisle.

One minute until the new year and the corpse hits the street.

I’ll never do it again.

Drabble #3:

Last day of the year. Last fucking chance.

I blow out a shaky breath through puckered lips. I can do this. I spent 364 days preparing. I’m ready. I grab a rag and walk toward the dirty table next to where he sat, glued to his laptop screen, just like he did every day.

A simple thing. Resolution #4: Start a conversation with green eyed guy that doesn’t involve the words grande or nonfat.

I stand next to him. Wipe the table. Steal a glance. Face him. Wipe more. Berate my stupidity. Turn around and walk away.

Maybe next year.

Drabble #4:

Diary of Jasper Whitlock 12/31/08

This Year's Resolutions:

1. Get a new hairstyle. Ronald McDonald was so last year.

2. Try harder not to eat my brother's girlfriend. Everyone says I've got no self control. Edward can't stay away from the human, watches her sleep, and insists she get married at 18, but I'm the one with the problem?

3. Stop making Emmett horny during calculus. As entertaining as it is to see him squirm, there are some things those children didn’t need to see.

4. No more letting Alice dress me. I'm 165 years old. I can dress myself.

Kassiah has realized the closest thing to her lifelong dream of becoming a real live weather girl by posting the Fandom News on TLYDF every Friday. *Squee* She hopes everyone has a safe and happy holiday.

Thursday, December 24, 2009

The mad dash at the end of December. Cookies baked, presents wrapped, parties attended. All the while, I am wondering ‘where the heck has the year gone?’

It definitely holds true for this madcap year. This time last year I was toeing in the water with the first post of my first story (12/28/2008). I had no clue how much this fandom would pull me in, teach me, and give me a new perspective.

With that said, I told the team I’d take on the Christmas Eve post. It gives me a chance to round out my first year in the fandom while channeling my inner sap. So I propped my feet up on the coffee table (which drives my mom nuts, even if I am a grown woman), with a glass of wine, staring into the fire trying to decide what to say. The peace was broken by the whistle of a train from the living room, followed by a shout of ‘Hey Mom, I tied Anakin to the tracks!’

And do you know what I immediately thought? I’m incredibly thankful I don’t have an Edward Cullen doll, because he’d be bound and gagged on the tracks faster than you can say BDSM.

Yes, even in the happy daze of Christmas bliss, we all still have Twilight on the brain. Fortunatley, it inspired me, and saves you all from the really bad ‘Twas the Twilight Before Christmas’ that I was perilously close to foisting on you.

So with further ado, I give you what we at the Ficster are thankful for this holiday season. Warning as you proceed, we are quite the motley crew. Please move the coffee mug away to prevent screen spray, and make sure your family/boss/husband/child/significant other/roommate etc is out of the room, because you don’t want to explain. Trust me.

AngstGoddess is Thankful for:

Copy and paste

Bokeh textures

People who still make PS7 compatible brushes

Internet piracy

Yoga boy

Rob gifs

FFn's lack of word limit

TLYDF's awesome new admins

IP tracking

Semi-sweet chocolate chips

All my betas, previewers, and readers

FanFic writers, who have the balls to put their necks out there

Those who get their throats cut, and still post anyway

FanFic Readers, who have the balls to brave the FFn roll

Everyone who realizes there's a real human behind every penname, flaws and insecurities and all.

and everything related to her glory: Her crazy chats, her ability to make me smile with three letters, her understanding, especially during CC and her ability to calm my batshit, and her ability to always get me, no matter what. Aw, she makes me crinkly-eyed smile like this: XD!

Javascript browser hacks

Angel reruns

HP slash

Video tutorials

The ability to block PMs

Super secret b-day projects

Safe mode

My mom for being the sweetest hippie ever

My brother for introducing me to the internet

My entire family for being ridiculously supportive of anything that makes me happy, even when it's TwiFF and a little humiliating

, because: "A person is a fool to become a writer. His only compensation is absolute freedom." -Roald Dahl; "Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities. Truth isn't." - Mark Twain; and "I am not young enough to know everything." -Oscar Wilde. How can one not wish to (metaphorically) fellate such men?

. For being so awesome. For hating each and evry one of my adverbs. For committing to helping even though she didn't have time to. For writing an amazing story. For seeing the potential in mine and helping me reach it.

All the wonderful writers who take a blind leap of faith and post their stories for us to enjoy

Whew....that was the most OCD bulleted list ever...

But wait, we forgot one very important item - we are thankful for you, the amazing fandom that keeps this place going. We hope you have a wonderful, safe, peaceful, joyous holiday. Thanks for bringing TLYDF.com its first amazing year!

Love and highest regards,

AG, Pastiche, ElleCC, MW and HM4

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

You're looking blankly at a white page, or the digital recreation of one, for hours, not knowing what to write. You begin to contemplate your grasp of the english language, how much caffeine you can guzzle, and your sanity.

Then a light bulb. A eureka! And you want to go sprinting through the streets naked praising the name of whomever flipped the switch in your brain. Inspiration has struck, the muse has seen fit to reach down her(his) hand and grace you with intelligence for one brief second.

Is it only me who thinks this is bullshit? Like, utter and complete bullshit.

Can I say bullshit on this blog?

Whatever, I'm doing it. I'm calling bullshit on the muse.

Classically speaking, the muses were ancient greek godesses who inspired artistic creations. Be it music, literature, dance, drama, or visual art. The best was all chalked up to the muses and their favourite humans.

Also, as in most Greek myths, these women were fierce. Nine sisters once tried to challenge the muses and ended up being turned into magpies. Uck.

Now (I'm in no way an expert!) in a lot of early religions (not commenting on modern religions at all) spirits and gods and goddesses were created to explain things people didn't understand. Like, they couldn't explain lightning like we can (er, not me...I honestly forget...something to do with clouds...and electricity, but I KNOW we have figured it all out, and that's what counts.) so they just said, "O.o Zeus is angry today."

I think we can all agree to be more intelligent than that. Not more awesome though. I would LOVE to have that be my reaction to lightning...every time.

I mean, if you opened your oven and found a loaf of homemade bread, you wouldn’t say, “THE BREAD FAIRY HAS COME!”* Because you would know that you spent the morning buying ingredients, kneading the dough, letting it rise, and baking it properly. You also took the time to learn how to bake, and probably burned a loaf or two in the effort.

When writing goes well, it feels magical . . . but there is no magic to it. Writing goes well because you have done some work. You have spent MANY MANY MANY HOURS sitting at your desk, written pages and pages and pages of useless crap, read piles of books, done a lot more wrong than you have right, questioned your sanity and talent . . . and just kept going. No muse involved.

Now, I am the first person to admit that sometimes writing is hard. Sometimes you know where the story and the characters need to go but the words you type are all "and" "the" "she" "he" etc. All those ugly words that are needed but no fun to write.

And it is so easy to say, "the characters aren't doing what I want them to do." Or "my muse just isn't with me, I need to go look at some Rob pics." Or, my personal one, "this is such an off day, I'm going to youtube."

It may feel like life is against you, the characters you created (and have complete power over) aren't listening to you, or Rob is just better than anything else that day, but those are just excuses. Believe me, I use them all the time. You are doing poorly and you want to blame something, ANYTHING else.

An example from the publishing world that angers me, in a recent Q&A Stephenie Meyer had the following to say about Midnight Sun:

So why the hold up? Because it’s not finished and lying in a safe. It’s not done, and finishing it is not a simple matter of sitting down in front of my computer and typing out the words; the words have to be there in my head to type out, and right now, they’re not. I have to be in the zone to write any story, and trying to force myself into that zone is a waste of time, I’ve found. I’ll get back to Midnight Sun when the story is compelling to me again. Just because people want it so badly does not make it more write-able; kind of the opposite, actually. I need to be alone with a story to write, and Midnight Sun feels really crowded, if you know what I mean.

People write for different reasons. I have always written to make myself happy. If I’m enjoying a story, feeling the creativity flow, engrossed in a world, then I write and I write fast. If I’m not into it, I can’t write. I’ve never been someone who writes on demand and I can’t imagine working that way. As cool as it would be to say to my favorite author, “You know, I’d really like to read a great book about a narwhal mafia. Write that for me, ’kay?” or even “I’d love a sequel to that last one,” that’s not how it works. How it works is that my favorite author writes a new book about whatever he/she is interested in. Maybe it takes a year, maybe it takes five. If it’s something I want to read, I buy it or I check it out at the library. If not, I find something else to read. The end.

Now, there are only two authors in the world who could get away with this attitude. Stephenie Meyer and J. K. Rowling.

Why?

Because the words they write are worth so much money in the publishing industry, their agents and editors would literally dive to the bottom of the ocean to find their manuscripts with a flashlight and one of them asthma medication tube things...you know, like Bart in that episode of the Simpsons? You know...?

--Side note, it has been brought to my attention that some other authors are similar, eg, Stephen King, Dan Brown, etc. But I didn't include them because, while they are popular and I'm sure they don't need to write to make a living any longer, they didn't change the publishing world. They are, if you will, what everyone hopes to be when they publish. JKR and SM are completely different. No one hopes for what they have because no one believed it was possible before them.--

Well, the point is, that most people who make a living writing need to continue earning money. They need a yearly income that can sustain their level of living. Writing is like any other nine to five job for them. Except it's one they worked very hard to get and if one day they are doing a crappy job, well, they have to just keep on truckin'. Like all of us non-paid-writers do.

Do these moments of crap make you a bad writer? Absolutely not. Sometimes, you're going to write crap. That's just the way it is. What makes someone a wonderful writer, in my opinion, is the ability to see the crap, move on, and trust that they can fix it in editing.

And then, you know, actually go back and do the editing, no matter how painful it is.

If Stephenie had already sold Midnight Sun to Little Brown (who are probably kicking themselves about this) she wouldn't have a choice. She would've already gotten her advance and would have to write the darn thing, no matter what mood she was in. And I'm sure it would be fine. I'm sure it would be just as good as her other work, however you feel about that, as well. I honestly think Stephenie is selling herself short about this. Although, she was a success before really having to live in the industry so it isn't surprising that her attitude is different. J. K. Rowling is the same way.

Not that I'm saying they didn't work for their success, I'm sure they did, I'm sure they had days where they wanted to quit and didn't. I just mean, success, like they've had, in the publishing industry has never happened before, so obviously their attitude is going to be different.

Now, obviously, we don't have to write fanfiction. It's a hobby. But, I feel, that this makes the subject of muses even more important. Criticism and compliments are the only payment we get. Writing is work, it takes a lot of work and I am amazed that so many of us are willing to do it. And it hurts me when people don't take responsibility for the amazing work that they do. And it makes me roll my eyes and discount someone when they blame their mistakes on the lack of a muse.

My own advice for the difficult times is to do one of two things. Or you can do both...whatever works for you.

1. You can work on a different part. Type in a line in red that says something like, "This scene gets finished, and then the characters go HERE" and continuing writing from there. Sometimes, you just have other scene's more clearly in your head, and you need to do those scene's first before you can finish the earlier ones. Writing is seldom a linear process. Don't be afraid to write all over the place.

2. Outline it. Write the whole scene out in point form. Figure out exactly what each character is thinking and feeling and saying. Choreograph it if you have to. This way, even if feel you are technically writing poorly, which is a very subjective thing anyway, at the least you can write out the scene so that it makes sense. So that the story can continue.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Bella is broken and unstable, trying desperately to start her own life after leaving her creator. Edward feels doomed to an eternity of wandering alone and finds himself hoping to find a mate for the first time in his existence. AU--some dark themes.

I remember last summer, a friend kept after me to read this terrific story that had her riveted. I was elbows deep in some things, vacation came along, blah blah blah. You know how the excuses of life go. Needless to say, I never got around to reading the story, and much to my chagrin of epic proportions (thanks SM) I never did end up reading it.

Well Friday night the miniman and I were recovering from a marathon cookie making junket. We'd just stretched out on the couch, and I'd hit play on How the Grinch Stole Christmas. After a few minutes, I knew I needed something to ease the pain of the fifteenth viewing of Jim Carey this season, so I pulled up fan fiction and started trolling.

My requirements were easy: a completed story, preferably AU or Canon. I decided to be bold, and dig through people's favorites (you can tell a lot about a person by their faves, but that's a different topic). I knew what I was in the mood for, and figured if I hit twitter, I would get inundated by AH or something I'd already read. I needed different.

After a few minutes of exploring, I tripped across Letmesign's Marble and Mahogany. I wanted to pound my palm against my forehead in one of those duh moments. This was the fic that had been rec'ed so hard over the summer, the one I'd kept putting it off. Well, it was complete now, and fit the criteria, so I dug right in, armed with fresh baked Christmas cookies and large hot chocolate.

Never has two hours of tuning out Jim Carey been so lovely.

The story throws out all the traditional Twilight elements. No high school setting, no infamous meeting in biology. The basic canon mythology is the same; the seven Cullens finding a place to live for a few years. Carlisle practices medicine while the rest blend in and live their lives using academia as a cover, this time as college students. They feed of animals, and Edward is still painfully alone.

But this is where Letmesign flips the traditional facets we've come to know so well on their head. Instead of meeting Bella as a human, where Edward would be entranced by her smell and silent mind, we meet Bella the vampire, who feeds off humans. Bella's bond is strongest with, well...someone other than Alice. And just because Bella isn't Edward's singer doesn't mean she doesn't meet one of her own.

Yep - you read right. Throw out all your predispositions, cause they don't hold water here.

Bella's been a vampire for going on sixty years after being turned on the eve of her wedding by, well... that's one of the surprises. As an unwilling member of the Volturi guard, she recently won her literal and figurative freedom, and fled to the US to pursue her dream of a semi-normal life.

The story starts off with a quick back story on Edward and Bella, then tumbles headfirst into their meeting and instant attraction. The build up is a slow burn, one that is crafted with love by Letmesign. It would have been easy to jump right in and have the mad rush of attraction take over, but this is a more nuanced, detailed story, which takes the time to explain motivations, and much to my happiness, develop characters.

Yep, you read that right, there are some good characterizations in here. The way Letmesign handles Jasper, Carlisle and my beloved Emmett all give me warm fuzzies. Carlisle in particular - in a series of pivotal scenes, just...wow.

But back to the story, there is a lot going on, but at heart, M&M is a love story about two emotionally flawed individuals who are isolated for two very different reasons. The detail spent delving into Edward's emotional isolation and Bella's trauma at the hands of the Volturi is so incredibly well done, and lends so much to the typical 'they see each other and fall in love' tale. There is so much evolution in these characters as they open up, have faith, start to believe not only in what they have, but what they could be.

Important to note, this story is not all sunshine and roses. Bella's experiences with the Volturi, viewed in a series of flashbacks, are horrific. There are clear warning notes on the chapters that contain potential offensive content, and they are by no means done in a gratuitious manner, but go in advised, for it can be strong stuff. I asked Letmesign about why she chose to go that route, and her answer surprised me:

"Statistics say that 1 in 6 women will be sexually assaulted in their lives. That made it a relevant topic to me, not just something that I could write into Bella's life to be gritty or bring in a slew of dark angsty readers. I wanted to write the story of her conquering her past, and try to use that to subtly encourage women who have dealt with similar things (albeit, barring the supernatural) to take the steps necessary to overcome their own pasts."

Bella does conquer her past, in a way that will have you cheering, doing a few fist punches, and singing I Will Survive at the top of your lungs. A strong Bella is a personal favorite of mine, and I adore how it's dealt with here. A woman facing her ghosts, surrounded by family that will support her and a man who loves her. Yeah, that's what it's about.

This story kept me enthralled all through the Grinch, and well into the night (I did switch to wine along the way - there is some lovely citrus in later chapters, that well, let's just say that it was red wine worthy). As much as I wanted to drown out Jim Carey, there was one line of the Grinch that fit this story so incredibly well:

Inside a snowflake like the one on your sleeve, there happened a story you must see to believe.

It's true. Dig in to Marble & Mahogany, you have to see it to believe it. HMonster4, recently redubbed MonstyH, is an admin at TLYDF, and is currently entering cookie dough rehab. She inexplicably loves both Emmett and spreadsheets.

The writers of this blog and their guest's choose the stories they wish to showcase based on their own criteria and within certain preset guidelines. While they know that there are many wonderful stories, they look for a wide variety of styles within the fandom to feature. It is their general consensus to reach far into the community to find new, quality stories for you to read. Unfortunately, at this time, we are unable to take recommendation requests.

Disclaimer: This blog is meant to enhance the Twilighted Community, NOT take away from it. We will encourage story and forum posting on Twilighted and will rec only fics that fall under the guidelines of Twilighted. This is your newsletter to help you navigate the world of Twilight fandom and the Twilighted Community, because that's what we're about....enhancing the Twilighted Community in the most positive way we can!

All stories and characters that fall under the Twilight Universe and the rights to said universe are owned by Stephanie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.