"ha nee chee wa she" (I am she who grows souls)

Monthly Archives: April 2015

Joe and I do not think of his physical illness or this experience as anything other than a result of being human. I was thinking today how strong we both are, which can also be a challenge. Vulnerability is the feminine aspect, and being in the world of polarity, the pendulum swings both directions. To be strong is not to be confused with being stubborn. For me, strength is trusting what the Universe has laid out before us, and being brave enough to take a risk on the choice you make, whatever the outcome. Vulnerability allows life to unfold in a quiet surrender, it flows through, like steam.

Faith is our key to moving through this journey, faith in our Creator, each other and the medical team arranged for us. Being an unconventional person, turning to “western” medicine was not difficult, as I know God is inside all things. Joe is now in the last portion of his treatment plan, and we chose to keep it private. Opinions are strong when it comes to therapy. I know now, people who love us will always be on our side, as we are on theirs. Its about sharing and “transparency” which is VULNERABLE, whew!

I want to share I have felt very loved and supported and at the same time felt alone. I have also felt stressed, scared and angry I have run the gambit of emotions, come back to center and gone off a cliff many times over. I have yelled, cried and showed more compassion that I thought possible. I have been in my body, out of my body running on empty and so full I did not know what to do with all “this” that was inside me. I allowed myself to have it all, without making it “go away”. It was dark and light. I filled up, and then “emptied out” over and over. At times I felt anxious, unenlightened, lost and found. All the while I felt the wisdom in it all. This is a really big transition, and I don’t know what we will look like. I have learned to be okay with that. I do not believe in endings, energy is always on its way somewhere.

Spirit is freeing me from self-imposed bonds and conditioning I worked so hard to transcend. Life takes over and the only thing to do is be present and vulnerable to its power.