Suszana was/is my first wife and left me nearly 30 years ago for a disasterous relationship both romantically and, even more importantly, spiritually.

This song, which was written in 1992/3 (verse 1) and on 8 June 1995 (verses 2-3) is based on an old Yorkshire melody from England which I heard many years ago. The tune (whose name I cannot recall) combines both beauty and sadness amd perfectly reflected my own deep feelings of loss and hope in Christ. I have never lost hope for our eventual reunion even though I know the obstacles are huge. For I believe that all things can be accomplished in Christ if it is in God's will. I feel this about all my lost wives.

I discovered this song yesterday as I was sorting out some old papers. Kasia (who has also since left, compounding the broken-heartedness) remembered it and began to sing the couple of lines she remembered. I thought I would sing it all of it. I did not anticipate the effect it would have on me and when I came to the last two lines of the second verse, I just broke down in tears.

You never forget. Love and grief intermingled leave an indellible mark on the soul. I had forgotten the feelings and then, 14 years later (in 2001), when I thought I had successfully hidden them, they gushed forth again. I have not forgotten still and I never will.

I share this as one of my most sacred moments to witness, more than anything else, how I believe we should be faithful to an unfaithful spouse as Christ awaits patiently for the repentance and return of His lost sheep. He never rejects anyone. Only we reject Him.

When at Ev'n Sang the Birds

When at ev'n sang the birds,
Their sweet lullaby;
I turned my heart to the stars
And to my God did cry:

Precious Lord, come Thou near,
Take away the darkness' fear;

Bring to me, Eden's play
And the cry of joy
That come when loved ones who were lost

Gather home to pray,
Gather home to pray.

When the dark mists of time
Swirl around our lives,
Precious moments come to mind
When we were all one:

Blessèd Lord, let it be,
In our searching that we see:

How it was and still can be,
When the light within
Opens up the flood again

Into Zion's plain,
Into Zion' plain.

There's a place far away,
And yet it's very near;
Where broken souls mend again
And love breaks down our fear.