Thursday, September 15, 2011

My last post concerned my request for a birthday present - the one time I ever asked my wife for anything in particular. I asked her for a night in which I might pamper her, give her a bubble bath, perhaps a massage, and then some long, protracted fooling around. She told me that she liked the idea, and I last left the blog looking forward to that night.

The night never happened. Shortly after my last post, she let me know just how uncomfortable she is with all of this. She knows this is attached to my desire to serve her, and that's just not something she's interested in. Needless to say, I was really disappointed.

At the time, 2 years ago now, I was also angry. I won't dwell, but to keep it short I've now completely given up on any hope of 'transforming' our marriage into whatever kind of WLM I hoped it might be. The two years I spent fixated on this were a complete waste of time and only led to frustration and disappointment. I spent two years wishing for my wife to be something she can't be. And, that's not her fault. I'm disappointed, but now I'm also unencumbered with any illusions, and I no longer bust my ass trying to pamper her with no encouragement or feedback that brings any satisfaction. Truth be told, I wonder what I would think if she ever brought the matter up again - not that she would. I know I never will.

We're a very ordinary married couple. Both of us are too uptight and conservative sexually, and our sex life is increasingly less fulfilling. That's not her fault, but rather both of ours. But, sex is only one part of a marriage. I love my wife - she's a wonderful person, and an unbelievable mother. We have a nice life, and I've learned to take the good with the bad. It's best for me to stop harping on what isn't going to happen, and enjoy the supportive, fun family life I have.

I will probably eventually delete this blog. For now, I'll leave open the prospect of leaving it for links, which need to be updated. Maybe I'll write again, but at the moment I don't see why I would.

For all of the would-be submissive men out there that would consider "outing" themselves to their wives, I have three pieces of advice:1. Whatever you do, don't do anything to make her feel as though she's letting you down by not being the woman you want her to be. The WORST thing you can do is lead her to believe that she is not "doing it for you".2. Don't fool yourself into believing that you're doing this for her. You aren't.3. If you open the box, as I did, be prepared for anything. Rejection is a pretty bitter pill to swallow after opening up so completely.