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Catch Phrases

I’m from the 80’s where let’s just say…television wasn’t as smart or as thought out. For some reason, back in my day, television didn’t have to be as good. It might be because there were only three stations competing for my time and writers could be super lazy about the concept for a television show. Somehow an alien called Alf, who liked eating cats and looked like a really bad muppet was a popular enough show that it lasted two seasons and became a cultural hit. There was also a show called Family Matters about a suburban black family run by the Sgt. Al Powell of the LAPD that helped John McClane stave off some terrorists in Nakatomi Plaza. It wasn’t a great show, nor was Alf, but they thrived somehow on the back of a few Catch Phrases. TV was all about them, and now they don’t really have them. Movies either. Every show is so smart now, so they don’t like to pander to an audience with a catch phrase. You know what I’m saying? Because “I make bitter better!” Now to the Bitter Friday Giftures.

Here’s a catch phrase for you…

“Don’t take your sweatshirt off when running on a treadmill.”

Catchprase…

“Bottle flipping on a basketball is dumb.”

Catchphrase…

“Don’t keep your phone in a loose pocket while modeling on a dock.”

Catchphrase…

“Always maintain balance in your life.”

Catchphrase…

“There’s never a bad time for a nap.”

Catchphrase…

“Danny Tanner shouldn’t attempt backflips.”

Catchphrase…

“Don’t be a hamster.”

Catchphrase…

“Don’t always be in such a hurry to jet off.”

Catchphrase…

“Don’t look before you leap.”

Catchphrase…

“Ummm…actually just keep doing that.”

Catchphrase…

“Always give up.”

Catchphrase…

“Hey 50 cent, this is how you do it.”

After offering up these amazing catch phrases, which are both catchy, brilliant and dare I say memorable, I assume the networks are calling my agent right now to discuss multimillion dollar writing gigs for their network shows. If you don’t ever see another blog from me again, you can just assume I’m deciding which offer to accept and I don’t have time for you guys anymore. Also, it could be that I’m on vacation for the holidays and I’m too lazy to do anything during the week. Either way, I will be rich and you guys will wish you got my autograph. Out. Because I make bitter better.

ARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH

Bitter Catchphrase Ben

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Target Deal of the Day: Here’s a catchphrase for you…Stop letting the kids drive you nuts. To do so, wrap them up in a nice warm coat, gloves, hat, and heavy underwear. Then, give them this Razor A5 Air Kick Scooter, and tell them to ride it through the snow to get to the playground. You can then tell them they now know how it feels to drive in traffic everyday and they should stop bugging you when you get home. I mean, they can have some sympathy. Also tell them that you got the scooter for $68.79, which is a way better price than the original $129.99, which is something like 47% if I’m just grabbing a number out of the air.

I think I am this observant because of the bear film. You know, in which several people throw each other a ball and you have to count how many times they do so. And then afterwards they ask you if you saw the bear, too. Like, a HUGE bear dancing across the screen. I didn’t. So ever since, I am paranoid.

Oh my gosh, I haven’t seen that but it sounds amazing. Is it a Youtube video? Can you send the link? It reminds me of those old videos when you were supposed to pay attention stuff on the screen and then a scary girl pops out to scare you.

About Me

Greetings Bitter People of the Internet. My name is Bitter Ben and I started blogging when I got fed up. Talking to people, listening to them complain and blame me for things I had nothing to do with. A long time ago, I learned in marketing that you should find a need and fill it. I started noticing that a lot of people like to complain about little things, but they felt ashamed to do it, because they felt like they were being petty.

I came up with the idea to start a 900 line (1-900-BITR-BEN), where people could call and complain about all the little things that drove them crazy, but the twist was that the Customer Service Rep could also complain back. This would not only allow all the complainers to get it out of their systems, but the call would be longer and I would get more money. This lead me to come up with my tag line, “We make bitter better.” That idea failed because of a number of reasons, so instead I did the next best thing.

I started my blog www.bensbitterblog.com, and it was a huge success. I had 10,000 loyal bitter followers, but that blog was ruthlessly and painful taken from me by WordPress. Read more here and here.

A blog wasn’t enough for me though. I wanted T-shirts, Bitter Themed Restaurants, and maybe even a last placed sports team. Since my blog was stolen from me, I decided to start this one, that includes everything Entertainment, IE Bitter Entertainment Network, or BEN.

This means as soon as I get up and running. I am going to start an actual television network, via YouTube where you will see everything related to Bitterness. Buckle up, it going to be a bitter ride. For now, jump into this bitter filled environment, where you are free to complain as bitterly as you like. No matter how petty, all bitterness is free to roam these wide open bitter halls, or meadows if you prefer. Comment the heck out of every post, because you can be sure I will comment right back with more bitterness. Let’s “Make Bitter Better”.