Are they really babysitters?

Is your husband a babysitter? Think about that one really hard before you answer.

When you need to go to a military event, be it FRG meeting, coffee, or other event, does your husband “babysit” your children? I’m pretty sure if he does then he might not really be the father of your children. He shouldn’t be babysitting your children, he should be FATHERING your children. And he can be just as good of a father as you are a mother, and sometimes even better. I hear this so many times, “my husband needs to be home to babysit”. I think “who’s children is he babysitting?” Followed by, “Man that’s some guy to babysit someone’s children.” All the while, knowing they really meant that he will be home to care for (or parent) his own child.

Speaking of babysitting. What ever happened to individual responsibility in the military? Maybe we should rethink that “is your husband a babysitter” question all over again. Maybe the truth be told, he IS a babysitter. If you divide out the amount of kids he’s watching, and the hours it entails, it’s not a highly paid one either!

When did you learn how to be responsible for your own actions? Was it around the time you moved away from your parents, had to pay your own bills, or maybe even when you had your own child? Let’s hope that with the latter that by that time, you had at least learned something about taking care of yourself if you are going to have to take care of another.

I digress. I know it’s their job. I know that in the end they are responsible for the well-being of individuals under their supervision and mentorship. I get it. But when does that mean that they should be with their soldiers 100% of the time, telling them right from wrong, taking responsibility for the soldier’s actions, and spoon-feeding them? Furthermore, how does that teach them anything at all?

We should take care of those who take care of themselves. It is a mentor’s responsibility to pass on resources, valuable information, support, and reference. In a crunch, be there. When a mistake is made, forgive. We all make mistakes, we all deserve second chances and clean slates in our lives. But be forewarned, second chances don’t mean fourths, fifths and sixths. Be the first one there to pick you up when you’re down, if it’s known that you didn’t purposely put yourself their in the first, second, and third place. Tough love.

Our husbands should not be our soldier’s mama. And even she would be ashamed of some of the things I’ve seen and heard.

It’s time to stand and have the Army hear us. Our families deserve much more than a “babysitter” for our children. The deserve to have our husbands, their fathers, HOME when they are HOME, instead of up at the office “babysitting”. Lord knows they are away enough as it is. No more “holding it on the leader, mentor, or supervisor”. Individual responsibility has to be enforced.

About Retired Blogger

Army Wife Network is blessed with many military spouses and family members that share their journey through blogging in our Experience blog category. As we PCS in our military journey, bloggers too sometimes move on. Their content and contributions are still valued and resourceful. Those posts are reassigned under "Retired Bloggers" in order to allow them to remain available as content for our AWN fans.