a spiritual journey

Monthly Archives: July 2013

I got a hug from Sam the other night – yep…I know it sounds crazy but here’s what happened:

My husband and I were going to bed and even I said “hey can you give me some huggies, I need hugs” knowing my husband doesn’t like to sleep on that side. He usually sleeps on the side that positions him with his back at me and that has always been his comfortable side. So he gives me the “it is late, you know I am not comfortable on that side” response and he goes to bed.

As I am preparing for sleep, I read my affirmation “I am more that my physical body, etc,” turn the lights off and go to bed saying hi and good night to Sam. I then think, hey, lets rehearse our symbols: ant for working hard, coins for making/winning money, etc. As I finish going over them, I think – hey! How about a symbol for a hug? or for hugs? I feel such love for Sam thinking that he is there for me, to help, to guide…how about hugs?

So I keep trying to come up with something that makes sense – open arms…nothing sounded right as I keep thinking about the perfect hug symbol to communicate. While, I am doing this, all of a sudden, my husband puts his arm around me and says “I am giving you a long distance hug” and I instantly got a chill and I knew it was from Sam – holy crap! It was crazy, crazy cool.

Now, I am not saying that Sam took over my husband, nor am I saying that I know how it happened but it doesn’t matter – all I know if that one way or another my husband felt the need to do that and say that knowing I needed it and asked for it. The fact that he said “long distance hug” is something else but it is what it is 😉

I knew what happened so I started crying because I was so happy and so overjoyed and because sometimes a hug is all you need. I don’t mean to make it seem like my husband and I don’t hug, that is not the case – but I was just in one of those needy moments when something as simple as a hug meant a lot. It also meant Sam can influence a little more than the images I see while “sleeping”

So I am crying while trying not to cry (obviously!) because I don’t want to have my husband thinking I am crying and ask me what is going on…so I was able to settle down but that was big.

It was a hug from one of my cosmic soul-mates, a soul that is here, in this lifetime as my guardian angel…a hug that transcended centuries, physical death, energy planes and my overall understanding – it was so much more than a hug, and I knew instantly that is why I felt emotional. I was connecting to something way beyond the physical act of a hug. I felt the pure essence of LOVE and it was overwhelmingly beautiful. I felt happy and blessed that I was able to experience such love – I felt like I took a universe love bath and all in one simple gesture.

Update: for the past couple of weeks or so my husbands’ sleeping preferences have changed. He all of a sudden sleeps on his “uncomfortable” side all the time and he also hugs me at night and in the morning a lot and on a regular basis without me asking – this is a change and I know he is not consciously trying. He is simply (at an energy level) adjusting to my energy and to what I wanted, it is really funny to notice this change in him after 9 years of sharing a bed. He also told me twice in one week that he thought my jokes are funny, he thought “I was on a roll” and I wasn’t trying nor was I funnier than before. It is a clear switch and I am convinced it has to do with my energy work.

I have been asking Sam to help me make the connection to a high level guide when it is time – whether that is soon or in 20 years, it makes no difference to me because I know all I do is good and things are moving in the right direction.

Now that I understand more of what is going on I am not afraid of asking and exploring.

One night I saw a really cool string of universes – all stacked on top of each other and all connected. It was really beautiful, I don’t know what it means and I don’t have much interpretation other than I saw it as a whole and it was way bigger (meaning vaster) than anything I can comprehend, that was my feeling.

Later when talking about it I kept googling things and I found this – it is the closest thing to what I saw. I got this from this link: http://www.csswinner.com/details/avantgarde-marketing/5358/

What I saw, however, even though had the same idea behind it, it was way bigger – the layers didn’t look like jelly fish, they looked like a universe.

So picture the image of the universe, duplicated over and over and stacked while connected…I did feel like some levels were higher, just like in the photo – it was horizontal. Majestic. It felt like time stood still and it was just a really cool thing that is hard to describe.

I didn’t get a feel of what it meant, where I was or belonged or any ideas – I simply observed and thought it was beautiful and cool.

Another time I saw a funny looking “dog” – i didn’t know what to make of it, I just saw it, it was white and it had a really long neck, skinny neck – different than anything I have ever seen.

I need to draw a “masterpiece” stick figure of it for you to see but basically imagine a merge between the herbivore huge dinosaur with the long skinny neck and a mid size dog in white – that is what I saw – again, no reason, I have no interpretation.

I want to make sure I state again: this is just my journal – I am just logging my experiences. Things don’t necessarily make sense or even have a meaning right now.

~~~

Parenthesis: How will I ever tell my husband about Sam, my angel? Can you even begin to imagine that conversation? I “talked” to Sam – he is an ex husband…nope, haven’t been married before. He is a husband from another life and he is my guardian angel….YEP, still working on that talk, I wonder if there will ever be a good time to “be honest”

For now, I believe we all have the right to have certain spiritual things/experiences private. Most things we experience together – this, I experience alone as it is part of my spiritual work. That is the truth for this particular moment…things can always change based on my feelings, etc. I have no problem telling him I am working on spiritual things but I don’t have to do a play by play and give too much detail if I feel someone is not quite ready yet.

~~~

A few times while in bed I felt a different kind of energy around me – I am convinced it was a higher guide because it just felt different than what I have ever experienced. One time I felt a lot of funny energy all around my spine up and down and not like a chill (those are usually my yes-es), it was energy work, like chakras, something different I don’t understand but I think I was being “worked on” lol – I know it sounds weird and borderline coo-coo bird but I am convinced something was going on because I have been asking for a higher guide connection and I have been asking Sam to help tune me up…I think that wasn’t my thought but my intuition about what was happening. I don’t know any specifics but I do intend to have my chakras checked for various reasons and because I am even more curious to see how balanced (or not) they are now.

Drama has been a lot different after I met Sam – I just see it differently, I have been upset less and things seem to affect me less. Very interesting – I like it…I am continuing to observe that.

My outlook on my business changed – I shifted from wanting to please to doing things I like and I am getting to bid on different kinds of clients now…I really think I am in the right direction, I am being more creative and not worrying about saying yes just because someone wants to hear it. Teri and I are constantly working on this, I am so grateful to have her as a constant force of light and balance…she has always kept me in check, even when I was completely slimed with negativity but now more than ever she is helping me just be and allow my experiences to happen.

The other day I was talking to Teri and I was telling her – I feel like I am supposed to do something, something more, something bigger…..SOMETHING. I said “I know I will figure it out” and as soon as I said that I had another thought “I know it will come to me when the time is right” and I said it out loud and immediately corrected myself – Teri was just about to correct me the same way – that was not “my thought” – it was either my higher self, or Sam or…it was me, it was them, it was all of us – it was the truth! There is nothing to “figure out” – everything will just happen if you relax.

Feeling hopeful and excited 🙂

Much love.

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After my appointment and after setting the symbols for working hard (ant), money, etc. I called my sister-in-law on my way home to tell her all about this – she was very excited to hear about my meeting and I laid it all out.

We started talking about life and our higher purpose and being in this together and I said – what if before coming to this life a bunch of us decided to do it together and to try to be more awake? We were also talking about her doing a lot of meditation and reading some books and we we were talking about this I drive by a truck that had the biggest ANT on it! Together with seeing the ant, I got a full body chill and confirmation that Sam wants to tell me that my sister-in-law has and is working hard at awakening and learning about this subject. I interrupted her and communicated that to her and it was a really cool moment because I felt like we are learning a new language. It seemed slow but it worked.

I didn’t mention anything about my Vegas exercise. That night, I knew they were in Vegas betting and I closed my eyes and said, ok Sam…coins for winning and empty pockets for losing… and after a little bit I said – tell me if she is winning or loosing and as my thought is barely finishing I hear the announcer on the TV go “right on the money!” as I got a chill and confirmation that was for me.

WHAT! How can that be, I thought. Didn’t I just state the symbol options? lol. Apparently Sam decided to use something else – maybe because I was thinking earlier “OMG if I have to come up with some image symbol for every single thing, this will take a while!!!” – but apparently he did it differently and it was confirmed, they did win. Even though it seemed pretty crazy and incredible, I had no doubt that message was for me because I was intently thinking I wanted an answer. Also, from my experience with Sam so far, he doesn’t do what I tell him yet he still gives me the message…funny!

At the medium I also asked guidance on my new babysitter and she said have Sam show you red for no and pink for yes. When I got home, my babysitter was with my daughter next to a huge pink toy and my daughter was also in pink (which was not what she was wearing earlier) – I decided that was a yes. In the beginning it is hard to decide if you are imagining things or not but so far I get the impression my messages are pretty clear when I ask.

I set meetings with Sam and I showed up and tried to relax and meditate but it didn’t really work – just like when I was at the medium trying to imagine different things, it felt forced and different. Our connection was so simple before, when I was really trying, I wasn’t getting it. My feeling now is that both Sam and I don’t like the forced settings, we usually just connect without effort and this imagining stuff and meditating 101 is making it awkward. again, this is a personal opinion – I am not saying that doesn’t 100% work for others or in some situations; however, for me…it has been a lot easier and natural.

For the first meeting, I was ready and I laid on the couch and closed my eyes – I kept thinking I needed to go upstairs and lay down so I am comfortable and can nap. I wasn’t feeling well, I had a bad cold and I was tired. I kept resisting the thought to go up but it wouldn’t go away. Then I thought…Sam, do you want me to go up? I got a clear tingle on my wrist…I thought nah…I am imagining this so I thought again: if this is you do the tingle again…and it happened again. So, thinking “I can’t believe I am doing this” I went upstairs in the bedroom and took a nap – I felt so comfortable in my bed and I woke up after 2 hours feeling much better and rejuvenated. I didn’t get any messages other than that and I really think the message was “go rest!” because I got this cold after being so tired from missing sleep on the night I met Sam. So I napped and felt great 🙂

The second meeting I was trying to meditate and I asked questions in my mind like “do i have a high level guide who wants to talk to me?” – I got a yes…my yes is a positive chill. I also got a yes for “should I do a blog”

When I felt frustrated because I didn’t think much was happening I immediately started thinking “be patient, don’t rush, you have all the time” – these are too kind and I know they were not “my thoughts”

I have a clear feeling that I should love myself because my angels, guides, etc love me.

The few other scheduled meetings were “pfff” nothing special and I decided this schedule thing is not for me – we connect at all times, random times, effortlessly and without planning – so I decided I don’t need the planning.

I saw a couple of interesting things at night and while sleeping so I will talk about those in my next blog and we will be up to date soon so I can start blogging only as things happen – documenting was always my intention, I just needed to catch up. Also, “I keep thinking” that I need to catch up documenting before I can move on so in case that is not my thought, let’s get it done. For whatever reason, I am 100% sure I am supposed to write things down before I can dive into more.

When the idea of writing something was clear and came over and over again, I asked about it and I could see script handwriting – it didn’t make much sense because I never write by hand but it does remind me of a 1800s diary – or letters – handwriting so I thought…oh, thats what I was thinking, confirmation. That is why/when I really decided on a blog as my diary. It was so sweet and romantic – I can see myself in an 1800s English garden relaxing and writing by hand while smelling the roses.

Next, I will blog about a couple of cool images I received because I want to record them in case I ever need to come back to them – maybe they will make more sense later, etc. Really cool.

Like this:

I met Sam two days before I was scheduled to go in and tell the medium I was working with if I wanted to turn my spirit awareness on or partially off.

I was so anxious and excited to tell her about my Sam.

I went in with my silly drawings because I wanted to show her my visions – I also wanted to remember them for myself, I thought it was important to document. (big blog parenthesis – this applies to the entire blog – I am not sure what or why I am doing the blog but I know the reasons for now are that I need to write it all down for myself to be able to remember and access anytime AND I want to share it with people who might experience something similar and think that are crazy. I am not sharing this with my family, close friends or husband…this is my journey and I am very much at the beginning so I am not sure where it will take me. I don’t know what will come of it, I am learning and exploring and as the title says…this is a journey. I might decide to share my journey with loved ones or others later in which case I can give them a link to this blog and let them read everything. It will be hard to remember all the details years from now, I wanted to have it documented – kind of like my online anonymous journey. I met Sam about 3 weeks ago and I still have some things to document…after that, I will just keep this “journal” as needed and as I experience things. I want to have a place where I can write about my experiences, thoughts, feelings…and be able to access it anytime.)

So, at the medium, we went over my drawings, confirmed my feelings about them and what I “got out of it” and then she said – ok, I am dying to know who Sam is – and I couldn’t agree more. Bring it! She said she doesn’t think he is a high spiritual guide but a lower guide maybe even an angel.

So we sit down, facing each other, and she closes her eyes. she then says he is right next to me, sitting to my right – I think “ok…?”

She asks me if I was attracted to him in my “dream.” I thought “umm, I don’t know?” I remember thinking he was very spiffy and put together, which I love – he was wearing a suit – a man in a suit…rrrrr. 😉 But the answer is no, I didn’t think about that, I was focusing on what was happening, what he looked lie, who he was, etc.

She said the reason she asked that was because he was tall, good looking and he was one of my husbands from a past life, circa 1800. She said he was wearing a hat, a long coat and looked spiffy. She said he had been with me since birth in this life, he was one of my angels and he was here to help me. I got chills – OMG my Sam was my husband in another life? Whoa, how interesting, I thought. Isn’t that interesting???

WAIT – is that weird for my current life and husband? I decided, a clear no, but still I felt so lucky – this loving man was here to help me, he must have loved me a lot (he must still have a lot of love and compassion for me and my desire to get better) – he must know so much about me and what I am trying to do, who I am trying to be, how I am trying to live my life (at the highest level of myself) and he must have so much patience to connect with me and also so much understanding of the human condition to be able to “deal with me” – I was just overwhelmed in a good way. I didn’t expect that.

I didn’t think it was someone I knew – I am not saying I know him but I clearly do, at a higher level – we clearly have a soul love connection and he is helping me – he is going to help guide me and now I know he is here…I have no doubt, I know who he is, I know what his purpose is, I know we can communicate – wow. Just wow.

The medium then told me “ok, this is a bit like charades…I am getting an image but it makes no sense to me because he is trying to communicate with you so…does a frog mean anything to you?” I said “yes! I have a huge frog in my living room, it is a toy, a rocking toddler toy my daughter rides.” So the medium said “what that means is that Sam wants you to know he is in your house, he is with you” I just got chills as I wrote this – that’s his yes to me, even now…so funny!

So I thought, ok, he’s in my house, yes clearly he is…I feel a presence, I feel stuff all the time. I have been feeling super anxious before we communicated almost like something is building – and then I found out what it was – this happened again and then we communicated but let’s not jump ahead.

I asked her if he is also the one turning the computer on and throwing my scrub off the counter and she said yes. I wanted to know because I was wondering ok, is this Sam or is there something else I need to know about? I was happy to know it was him but I also decided it wasn’t for me and I’d like to stick to visions and not flying objects or computer screens turning on at 3 am.

~~~

Interjection – I didn’t tell you about my flying object. I was in my bathroom the day after I met Sam or the day of my medium meeting, don’t remember – and while in the bathroom, my heavy scrub jar “falls” off the ledge in the bathroom and onto my floor right in front of me. I knew it was not an “accident” because I was nowhere near it and I was looking right at it. I don’t really know why they do that…the medium thinks Sam was excited about our connection…I almost get the feeling that they will do everything they know how to do to get our attention and as I write this my light is flickering again hehe – it stopped 🙂

Interpretation – I now know he was just trying to get my attention because right after that was the first time I thought “I should document my experience” and the name of “Meeting Sam” sounded like what it should be – because that’s what it was all about. i just had that thought and then didn’t think anything of it. Now it all makes more sense – funny how many things make more sense, looking back.

~~~

She then said I should have some symbols with Sam so we can try to communicate. We set a symbol for “working hard” which was an ant (to me, in the Romanian culture, ants are the hard workers in folk stories), money which was pile of coins, losing money which was empty pockets, sick or not feeling well which was a hospital iron bed and i don’t remember what else.

She tried to get me to imagine a space, then a chair, then Sam sitting on it, then me communicating with him but I couldn’t do it. I tried to do the chair, I tried to get Sam in the picture, I changed the picture, it doesn’t really matter – the more I tried and the more structured and thought out it was the farther and more silly it seemed to me, I just couldn’t see anything. It wasn’t going to happen, I wasn’t feeling it.

So she gave me homework – my sister-in-law was going to Vegas and she said “think about your sister-in-law and ask Sam to tell you if she is winning or loosing sometime this weekend and see if you get one of your symbols?” I was excited for my homework.

We also discussed boundaries and the fact that I felt ungrateful if I think “I need to sleep” – she said no. She told me “imagine if a family member shows up at your house at 2 am to chat…what would you do?” I got it – I thought, ok, I need to be more firm and decide when I want to communicate and when I don’t. So, I said I will make appointments and we set two 30 minute appointments per week and I was to be available to meet and try to connect. I was to report back about everything.

After all this I communicated it all to Teri (my life savior) and she, as usual, helped me be very relaxed, present and awake about it all. I am finally feeling good about it! Exciting.

In my next blog I will talk about the symbol messages I received from Sam and how it happened. I guess we can graduate to a new category “after meeting sam?” 🙂

Right after I decided I was ok with making an introduction next time I went for a session with a medium, I met Sam…no introduction needed – this is a long story and I will try to explain it the best I can.

I also made “drawings” – these are stick figure drawings, they are meant to aid my descriptions and they are not very accurate but I tried 😉

This is a normal evening, just like any other evening – I go to bed and instead of sleeping, I am in a relaxed state with my eyes closed, trying to go to sleep. As I am falling asleep, I start to see little lights in my otherwise dark vision. Very faint, don’t make anything of them. I rub my eyes but my eyes are definitely closed and then I see this image:

It was a wall, great wall, and this indian looking symbol in the middle like a gate keeper or not sure how to interpret it – it didn’t feel bad, it just was.

Later interpretations were 3D world borders, gate-keeper, 3rd eye opening, american indian energy (almost like a dream catcher) and third eye symbol look-alike, etc.

Whatever it is, it was interesting and it was pretty clear – my drawing is less than desirable but you get the idea 😉

I opened my eyes thinking OMG is that the devil, lol – but I quickly didn’t really care and just thought – weird! I then decided I really needed to go to sleep because now I am seeing “crazy stuff”

But that wasn’t the plan. Next, I saw a cool purple circle with multiple “orbits” rotating – that was on the right of my “horizon” and I also saw some lights around it – I didn’t count them and I don’t know how many exactly but around a handful.

I really didn’t know what to make of this and I was fully awake while seeing this – I thought I am seeing lights in the room so I kept touching my eyes and my eyelids were closed. I wasn’t dreaming because I was aware of my body (touching my eyes) and seeing “stuff” so I decided I am having some sort of an experience. Since I had decided I was ok with meeting a guide I thought maybe that is how I see a guide, as a light? I thought, ok, which one, come closer?

I then asked myself (in my mind) if these lights are guides or angels or spirits of loved ones, or? 🙂 I thought, I want to meet my spirit guide but I am scared. I kept thinking “oh, just go to bed, go to sleep, I am tired, go to bed, I don’t have time right now, I just need to sleep…”

But that didn’t quite happen 😉

In my drawings, the black lines represent just a dark “horizon” – like if you close your eyes and everything you see is black and the sheet of paper is the “big picture” like a movie screen. I tried to position all my masterpieces (hehe) just as they appeared in my mind’s eye – small or large, etc.

At this point I am back to the “yes I am curious but also lets try to go to sleep” thought – well, that’s mixed feelings (I was told later) and thus not what you would use as boundaries. Luckily, I didn’t have strong boundaries because I am happy I met Sam.

My next image was an S. The letter came in a light fog in the dark horizon and it came closer and very clear.

I had no doubt it was an S. I was excited, I knew I am getting a message and I thought “Sam” – I don’t know why I thought Sam and I immediately dismissed it because I thought I am making it up. I thought that must be the shortest and easiest name starting with an S I can think about.

I thought to myself, ok, I see an S, I see a clear S, so I am assuming your name starts with an S…I will call you S, no Superman, hehe. But I had a clear Sam – I just thought ok, spell it out, send more letters. Until then, all I know is an S.

I thought the way the S came was super cool – it was a little distorted, sort of like captcha, the letters you enter for online forms – but very clear at the same time – there was no doubt it was an S, a capital S.

So I, again, kept touching my eyes during these clear images, they were closed but I was awake – awake and tired but curious 🙂

I tossed and turned, I was completely aware of my body, etc – I was awake!

I thought to myself “ok, your name starts with an S, I get it” – I then saw him! He came in a fog too, like my letter, and he was small but I could notice quote a few things about him.

#1 he was a man.

#2 he was wearing a suit – very spiffy

#3 he had dark hair

#4 I could not see a clear face or facial features

#5 I didn’t know him (he was not a passed relative, etc)

Regardless, I knew he was trying to communicate and I knew his name started with an S. I remember thinking to myself “I wish I saw a face”, and “I wish I knew the full name” but I joked in my mind, ok, “Hi Superman or S or whatever your name is”

I remember thinking again how tired I was and that I really should sleep!

I was happy and thankful for the connection and I realized how “hard” it was. Meaning it felt slow and “coming from far away” almost to get the messages and images I saw.

At this point I fell asleep a little bit and when I woke up (eyes closed) I was seeing an a and I had to chuckle in my thoughts because I realized Sam is being confirmed, letter by letter – I got the M too, just a bit later. He spelled it out for me because he knew I was doubting my intuition that told me Sam in the beginning. I dismissed it and he confirmed it – in the future it will be easier to trust what thoughts I have and just go with the flow.

I kept thinking – “ok, this is really cool but I need to sleep, I will be SO tired!” – thoughts like this kept mixing with thoughts of “don’t be ungrateful – this is awesome. Some people spend a lifetime meditating and trying to have this happen and you just experience it easily, etc” – I was told later that boundaries are ok and I now feel that way – I feel more in control and I am still working on figuring out what works – this is all very new.

After falling asleep again, I “woke up” and with my eyes closed I saw Sam’s face, I knew it was him and I knew I am seeing something super large because I was complaining I didn’t get a face earlier 🙂

He has dark hair, big kind eyes and a mustache (I thought) so I exaggerated it in my drawing 🙂

So, the two questions I had (name confirmation, and face) were both answered the same night I met Sam – he heard me and he responded. I felt so happy and thankful that we were actually communicating!!! it was amazing.

But again, I was tired so I said thank you in my mind and said I was happy for the connection but really needed to sleep. Just before I thought “wait! Do you need to tell me something? Do you have a message for me?”

I didn’t really get much but again after a little sleep I got the feel of an audience – it felt like people sitting in an amphitheater.

I then got an image of a lot of lights out there – it was almost like the image from the movie Ghost (if you’ve seen it) at the end, when he “walks to the light” and there are others welcoming him into the other side, except for I wasn’t going there, I felt very much separated but I could see them all as many, many lights, happy lights.

I didn’t know what to make of it, I always wanted to know what am I supposed to do, how am I supposed to serve, what is my higher purpose? is there more to this (life)? Don’t get me wrong, I have an amazing life…I don’t think things are “missing” I just always want to do more, learn more, help more, get better, pay attention, create joy and spread it! 🙂

When I showed this image to the medium she thought that many on the other side are excited about my awakening and my opening – excited about the connection. I think it feels true but I also got the audience feel and even though I don’t really know what it means, I trust it and I know that the answers will come at the right time.

Next waking up was in the morning and trust me, I wasn’t ready – I was, indeed, tired as I really didn’t sleep very well – but I was also excited about my connection and it seemed unreal.

It is also hard not being able to just tell anybody and everybody about it – can you imagine? “hey, guess what – last night I think I met a spirit guide and he spelled his name, and then…” haha, yeah right. Luckily, I have Teri and I was able to show her the images and talk to her about it without feeling judged. She agreed that Sam seemed like someone easy to ask questions of and he was…he definitely answered mine.

I felt like a whole new world is opening to me and as much as I was excited, I was also scared because I didn’t want to do this all the time as I was beat – I needed to figure out a better way but at the same time I was happy and excited.

What did this mean? Will I get some random spirits now connecting with me? Umm – creepy and NOT at all what I want to do. I have no desire to do that and I have no doubt that it is not over once we die so I don;t need to connect with all my dead relatives for any kind of reinforcement, etc – no, this is about something bigger – this is about something that I don’t already know. I am curious and I want to evolve and learn.

One other thing, during the night while I was having all the above visions, my computer turned on – full on light in the room and I thought—OH!!! don’t like that. Then, the second I looked at it, it turned right off! Now, for anybody that knows anything about computers, this is impossible given that I have a 30 minute screen saver setup – the computer once turned on, should have stayed on but it was Sam – he is computer savvy 🙂

It was kind of freaky and I remember this wasn’t the first time it happened but I never thought much of it before – now, since it happened right in the middle of the above visions, I knew he is telling me “I can do this;” however, it is not something I care for, it is a little freaky. I think the freaky part has to do with the society portraying different technology “stuff” in horror movies so that feels a little scary to me whereas the visions were peaceful. So I gave a mental message “I don’t like that, stop” at the time and went on to bed. I didn’t really see/get the point at the time…”so you can turn the computer on and off and it is freaky”…ok…and? 🙂

BUT now I get it – he was trying to make me understand that he is with me! He was trying to tell me who he was, really, but I wasn’t getting it at the time. I didn’t make the connection at all. Sometimes communicating is like charades…you have to interpret messages and I just didn’t get it – but looking back it makes perfect sense. Now, it makes sense.

I was asking who he was and he was trying to explain that he was in my house, he was with me…but since I didn’t know him, I still didn’t get it. Maybe he was also trying to tell me that although the communication seems slow and from “far away” he is actually very close to me…that’s the feeling I get, that’s what I think he was trying to do. He is definitely not trying to scare me, I know that. Because I knew that at the time I thought – ok don’t do that. 🙂 (update – it doesn’t bother me as much now – although electric issues are not my favorite ways of communicating) sometimes i get flickering lights that otherwise work just fine, etc. I now say in my mind “hi Sam” and it usually stops. He knows it is not my favorite thing and I continue to tell him it is a little freaky. 🙂

Next, I will tell you about going to the medium to confirm exactly who Sam is – pretty cool.

Before I tell you about meeting Sam, I have to tell you a little bit about my environment. I have been working with Teri for a while now, things are always great when she is around.

1. I can sometimes feel my grandma and nanny’s love around, I get a beautiful love feeling – sometimes I smell something that reminds me of their bodies (I have “mommy” smells I identify with them like a baby) and other times I just get a thought, a feeling of sheer love that brings me to tears and I send them love back – I miss them and I love thinking about them. I just love them SO much.

2. At the same time, a little bit of my anxiety about “others,” not being alone, watch over my shoulder, dark and quiet, being alone, etc came back. I thought “oh dear” – need to do some EFT and get rid of that memory of fear or new fear, etc.

3. Around the same time, some of my family members were talking about feeling like a dead loved one was trying to talk to them, dreaming about them, feeling like they need to see a medium. Another family member mentioned seeing a ghost and described the experience (this did not help my anxiety) 😉 Now I thought, ok, I really need to EFT.

4. Around the same time, while I was in my bathroom showering, I saw a silhouette out the corner of my eye. I jumped out of my skin – I know there was “something” there. I have no doubt but I didn’t know who, what – I had a strong feeling that it was a woman and that it was a loving presence, I didn’t feel bad although I was very scared. I proceeded to tell “it” that I was really scared and that I need to be left alone because I nearly skipped a beat. I communicated that although it might be easier to communicate if I have a heart attack, I don’t think that’s the best approach and didn’t think that was their intention so “back off.” (I later found out it is technically “my fault” I can see or feel them and that I should not be so harsh – working on it but I also have boundaries!)

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The following days, I kept feeling anxious, there was something I needed to do – so, I asked for the medium’s phone number and I decided to go and have an EFT session and see if any big issues come up that I want to clear, etc and also see if I needed to talk/connect to someone, specifically, in which case I can schedule another appointment.

During the session, I mention my fear and I start to tell her about my dream, my feelings, my life and she immediately tells me: honey, you are clairvoyant. I thought, ok, whatever! 🙂 How do I make this anxiety go away, lets just do some quick eft and forget about it but there was just too much going on in my life at this point for me to let it go – I didn’t want to do EFT, I wanted to know more. I just had a feeling that I needed to do something, I was willing to at least think about it.

Background: I haven’t meditated one minute in my life and I never tried to have any kind of non physical experience – until now, this is something that happened “to me” and thus it was terrifying. I couldn’t talk about it, what can I make of it? I am afraid of the dark? Teri was the only one who has been able to explain what was happening and give me tools to help with my fear.

I was told (by the medium) I had an option – I could either open up, try to make a connection and meet my spiritual guide and align my chakras OR decide it is not for me and close some of my chakras for now. Closing would keep my awareness of non physical energies low and thus help with my anxiety. I was assured, however, that nothing around me was “bad” – my homework was to decide yes or no and I was just a bit confused, uneducated and out of my league to even begin to know what I wanted to do. what does yes mean? is saying no, selfish? I was curious yet scared…what was happening and why now, why me, what am I supposed to do? Luckily, I have Teri (see the post about meeting Teri), who always brings me back to reality and to my NOW. she makes it easy for me to relax and be able to make decisions from a place of love, creativity and joy.

After a few days I decided that I did want to be open, I did want to make a connection. I may not have the time (at this particular point in my life) to take a lot of classes, meditate daily and really immerse myself into this practice BUT I am open to my personal guide and to things that can be beneficial to me and my loved ones. Teri gave me an affirmation to help with boundaries until I go back to see Michele and then it happened…I met Sam!

I guess Sam didn’t want to wait until my next medium visit, nor did I need to know how to meditate, try to connect or do anything special like open my chakras or get introduced (not that those things don’t help!) – it simply happened because I think he knew I was ok with it at this point and we were ready for the first connection – it was the most amazing yet weird yet beautiful thing I ever experienced and there are no words to describe it; however, I will do my best to put my experience in words in my next blog.

I know, my blog is about meeting Sam but we can’t get to Sam without meeting Teri first – everything happens for a reason 🙂

About three years ago, my sister in law heard about a diet program – we all signed up and that is how I met Teri. The program at the time was called lovely, lively, and lean and it was really cool for me because this wasn’t a “diet” – I felt better, happier and more alive at the end so when Teri told me about her coaching, I was all over it.

There is a lot I could write about my work with Teri but I would need another blog to say the least. She transformed the way I live and see life as a whole – she took me from a stressed out, fearful, workaholic with no time to spare to the way I am today – loving my life, excited about learning, expanding, etc. The work is never done and she never gives up because her compassion for the human condition is admirable.

When I started working with Teri I thought a few sessions would “fix me” but I soon realized that I am nowhere close to being done. It is hard to explain what she does because she does so much but if I were to try I’d say that she guides me to the happiness I am capable of creating. Teri opened my eyes to the fact that I don’t have to suffer, I don’t have to be afraid and I don’t have to leave in the past, the future or in anybody else’s business. She helps keep me grounded and in the NOW – the present is what I have control over and with a lot of patience and a lot of love she has been gently guiding me to the light.

I am forever grateful that I went on that “diet” and my life hasn’t been the same. One of the first things Teri and I worked on was my fear of the dark and of “other stuff” in my space (empath training 101) – see the blog about my childhood, it had been 29 years of having this inexplicable fear. sometimes it would be crippling – I would not want to be quiet or be in the dark; I would not want to walk from my bed to the bathroom, I would not want to be alone or sleep alone, it was the worst at night when things were quiet…I was anxious.

Through EFT, Sedona and other release methods, Teri helped me feel better, get rid of the intensity, etc but at the same time she explained what was going on, what I was feeling and why. For the first time, I felt safe. I wasn’t crazy and I knew I can get help.

For the next few years Teri worked with me on everything from attracting wealth & business to the fear of giving birth, to the smallest little issues and upsets that would get in my way of being relaxed and present. I could always count on her to shine light on the truth and help me see outside of my upsets, stories, and programming.

Slowly, I started feeling happier, more relaxed and more efficient – who knew I actually had time to have fun, enjoy my life and create the life I wanted to have? Who knew I have all the power to make a difference, that life doesn’t happen “to me”? Who knew my YESs are the same as my NOs? I had options, choices and control – I could live in the present yet create my future and yet it sounded easy, it is incredibly hard.

A recent example is practicing the Magic by Rhonda Byrne – easy, simple exercises – reading them I thought “that’s it? This is easy!” Yet doing them every day for 28 days proves to be a bit harder than anticipated – who do we find it hard to accomplish simple tasks that will increase the quality of our life? The Magic was the latest exercise I did before meeting Sam (when I got a bit distracted), and I intend to attempt it again – 28 days, 28 happy days, 28 grateful days for an even better life. How exciting 🙂

Thank you, Teri, for all your help and for all the help you will continue to give me – what would I ever do without you? If you wonder who Teri is, you can find her here: http://www.accesstheedge.com and yes, you need her, she ROCKS!