You are really an excellent writer, and I've seen some of your other poems. The imagery is spectacular, and you've captured all the ideas you've tried to cover. My poetry certainly isn't as good as yours, but you kind of remind me of myself in a way, because I'm usually a really happy person, but I write when I'm down. Keep it up; I want to read more!

haha! nah, i'm usually not that depressed - i just write more poetry when i'm sad, so most of them aren't that... happy.
and you're right - in a way, i was trying to portray the museum - the echoing silence and the gloomy and overly-large exhibit-like cabinets and doors were ment to convey this image.
and i didn't notice that, but that line with the machines does have too many syllables.

thanks guys for your great comments! i'll be sure to check out you... (more »)

Oh dear. This is a lovely poem technically, but so sad. Oh so sad.
I do not agree with KICK3593. I believe that you captured the feeling perfectly in this poem. The character may hold little integrity, and this may seem stark and museum-like, but when one is depressed or lonely, everything is sterile and numb -- the proverbial "grey room".
The only thing I'd suggest is that the line "The melancholy, yet melodious beeping of the machines" seems a wee bit bulky and out of place. Als... (more »)

Reminds me of my poem- TeenInk.com/raw/Poetry/article/73908/Alone/. They're different but same- take a lookie. And yours is more short and sweet. I think the best poems are short- but sometimes long ones work too. Good job :)

I know what you mean. I don't have many friends and I write and read to get away. I feel the same as SamathaS.

Here's a good hint on how to write things you like. Write about what you like, be inspired. Write about what you feel, whether happy, mad, sad, demure, things like that. Write about the things that are happening around you and what you think about them...Wow! I sound like Dr. Suess! But I mean it. That's what I do. Others may not like them, bot oh well. That's t... (more »)

I don't see how the character is hypocritical. The narrator is only sitting in a room - as you mentioned, there's no dialogue for the character to say something and then do something else. Furthermore, nothing in this poem relates to moral standards, high or otherwise.
I'm also not really sure where a hamster comes into play. I was using details in the poem to give off a sense of melancholiness. I have the narrator sitting in a quiet kitchen, alone, staring off into space and thin... (more »)

I think I wrote a poem like this, but it's about a museum.
This is an intensely mystified character. There is no revelation, no movement, just the stolidity of the two characters, the narrator and the kitchen. What a hypocrite this child is. It sees not yet the cycle he goes through. It might as well be a hamster. And there's the problem... The character holds very little integrity.

I actually wrote this poem as part of a CTY writing online course, and was told to sit in a kitchen and describe the sounds, tastes, feelings, etc. felt sitting there. We then created a poem out of it, and this was the outcome of my late nights spent in my kitchen.
Some of the lines, though, I didn't actually hear, but added becaue they fit with the image.

My goodness! Your poems are so fantastic. I can relate to the feeling of being alone. I too write during fits of anger and passion and whateveer other feeling I get. Some of my poems tend to be that way but WOW you are such a great writer!

To me, this is brilliant. The simple subject of a kitchen, interwoven with the deep emotion of melancholy is brilliance! This poem speaks to everyone and anyone who has ever been alone in a very plain yet eloquent manner. Well done :)

(Thanks for the comment. Yes, I wrote "Numbers" in a fit of rage. Lol...)