I really want Hollywood to let go of Jennifer Lawrence . She does nothing for me. She can never convincingly convey any emotion because she always has this dumb ass, dull, bewildered look on her face. She basically Kristen Stewart 2.0 except Kristen played a moody emo hoe in every movie so it fit her. They cast J Law in every fucking thing and this latest role in Red Sparrow where she some sort of Russian, secret, sexy, femme-fatale agent spy is so far-fetched, like imagine getting seduced by some gangling woman that look like a confused duck squinting at the dollar menu. So of course the prerequisite scene for and femme-fatale archetype is that one of the bad guys is also a deviant who hired some hoes to come do whatever weird fetish he into. The agency swap out the hoe with the spy and the spy seduce him and kill him (Idk why she could really just be waiting in there, pop him and leave but they gotta dress it up and make it real for him I guess)

magine after a long week of terrorism, you purchased some pussy to go get a footjob or get ya nuts punched in, whatever villainous kink you into, you told them send you they baddest hoe, the LeBron James of hoes. You get there and J Law sitting on the bed looking like she can’t remember if she left the stove on, bro you would be pissed. The villain would show up and shoot her ugly ass for the disrespect of thinking this was a legitimate tactic. The jig is up. He knew this was shady off the rip. Smh. Get her outta here, man.

The blockbuster sequel to the blockbuster Jurassic Park reboot is currently grossing a zillion dollars, but did you notice how everyone in the movie was an imbecile? Their actions may be confusing, but don’t worry—my patented Spoiler FAQ has all the answers to the movie I have retitled Jurassic World: Idiot Buffet.

"We Interrupt This Program" finds Brandon and Donna working at the college TV station when one of their colleagues, Evan, admits that he's obsessed with (and stalking) Donna. When she doesn't reciprocate his creepy advances, he pulls out a gun and holds everyone hostage! It's like Die Hard, but with worse acting and way more pastel colors.

Evan doesn't want money, or even bearer bonds; he merely wants Donna to go on camera and tell Ameri- sorry, the population of California University, how much she loves him. Which would be much more convincing if he wasn't also on camera pointing a gun at her.

I feel like a lot of negativity toward that line comes from the idea it’s supposed to be earnestly badass, which ignores the odd-couple tone of the rest of the trailer. It’s not badass. It’s an alien from another planet melding minds with down-on-his-luck, incredibly sweaty newspaper reporter to try and sound tough. It is a decidedly un-Marvel-like moment, which these days feels like a breath of fresh air. Or, you know, not so fresh.