The Most Hideous Assassin’s Creed Syndicate Cloak, an Open Letter to Evie Frye

Assassin’s Creed Syndicate brings a ton of customization into the action. You’re able to set different outfits, weapons, belts, and cloaks for either of the lovable twins. For Evie, you’re given an array of capes that will flow through the wind as you run around London. They’re stylish and sleek… except when they’re not.

Meet the Killer’s Lace Cloak

This cloak is unlocked fairly early in the game and, if you’re an unfortunate soul, can be a nice upgrade for you at level three. Many of us, however, refuse. We chose to have lesser defense and stealth so as to not sacrifice style.

Evie, why are you doing this? This isn’t a fashion statement. It’s a cry for help. What assassin in their right mind would waltz around town wearing that. Yeah, you’re not supposed to be seen when out on a mission anyway, but does that mean you just stop trying, Evie? Who told you it was a good idea? Who lied to you and let you spend your time embroidering the Assassins’ logo onto it?

It’s a doily. You’re wearing a giant doily, Evie.

It matches maybe one of your outfits. Maybe one. If you squint really hard, change the color to the lightest it can be, yeah, maybe. But otherwise, you’re walking around like a fancy dinner table. It’s almost a veil, Evie, that’s just crazy.

The greatest mystery in the Assassin’s Creed series has nothing to do with assassins, Templars, Abstergo, or the maniacal god-like race. No, it turns out that the greatest question to ask is, “Who allowed this cloak to exist outside of the back of a Goodwill rack?”