If there’s anything worse than religious
people who try to act morally superior and tell other people who they
can marry and where their soul will spend eternity after they kick the
bucket, it’s atheists who think other people care what they do and do
not believe in.

What? Why?

Movoto Real Estate made a
video introducing 12 West Coasters to five of Ohio’s
favorite dishes. Predictably, the Cincinnati-centric grub gets mass hate by people with extremely sensitive gag reflexes. Here
are the best reactions.
Glier’s Goetta: On its
appearance: “Quinoa sausage?” On its taste: “[I want] an Egg McMuffin with
that.” On its mouth feel: “You can’t choke on it, it just slides right down.”
Grippo’s Bar-B-Q chips: “It
almost looks like human skin.” “They probably serve this at, like, games and
shit. Like, ‘I’m at the Reds game in Cincinnati. Cincy!” “Have you ever walked
into an old warehouse and it has, like, that musty smell? That’s what it tastes
like.”
Skyline three-way: “Looks
like some jail spaghetti.” “I can see this being like comfort food, but for
some reason it’s not comforting me.”
Sauerkraut Balls: “It
legitimately looks like a poop.” “Like a white person pot sticker”
Buckeyes: Everyone enjoy
this with little verbal reactions except for a couple assholes that collectively hate chocolate and peanut
butter (as well as puppies and sunshine, I’m guessing). A buckeye made them gag.
In the end, how did our
high-brow neighbors to the west feel about Ohioans?
“Turns out they’re just
regular humans like you and me.” There you have it, folks!
It’s unclear whether this
video was created to spark interest in Ohio real estate or remind Midwesterners
that they’ll die fat and unsophisticated if they don’t move to California. Decide
for yourself:
Ohio: Home of regular humans
since 1803.

Whether you’re
celebrating your dad,
the end of slavery, a local pork product or just a welcome break from
work, there are tons of events in store this weekend. Buckle up!
As always, the Midpoint
Indie Summer Series is a superb way to kick things off. Tonight The Seedy
Seeds, Wymond Miles and Belle Histoire take over Fountain Square starting at 7
p.m. Grab a beer, something to eat
and if you haven’t already secured your MPMF wristbands, be sure to purchase
those tonight as well. Early bird tickets save you $10 — and they’re almost sold out! You
can also buy tickets and check out the full Indie Summer schedule and initial
MPMF band announcements here.
Barbeque may be the
widely-recognized seasonal meat dish of choice, but locals know better — Cincy
celebrates goetta with multiple festivals each summer. The first of which,
MainStrasse Village “Original” Goettafest,
begins tonight in Covington. Enjoy live music, vendors, booze and all the
goetta dogs, burgers, reubens, chili and pizza your heart desires (or fears)
though Sunday night.
If sampling pork dishes
isn’t your thing, why not sample the best of local and regional dancers?
Contemporary Dance Theater presents its annual Area Choreographers Festival
Friday and Saturday at the Aronoff Center. The program features six
performances from established companies and up-and-coming choreographers. Find
ticket information and a full lineup here.
Many associate the
end of slavery in the United States with Emancipation Proclamation, issued by
Abraham Lincoln on Sept. 22, 1862 (and went into effect Jan. 1, 1863), but just
a small fraction of slaves actually benefited from this order. On
June 19, 1865, Union General Gordon Granger and federal troops arrived at
Galveston, Tex., it is said, to enforce the abolition of slaves there. This
date represents a true end of slavery, called Juneteenth, and is recognized by
41 states. Celebrate this weekend at Eden Park with cultural music and dancing,
performances, traditional storytelling, ethnic food and vendors Saturday and
Sunday. This year marks the 25th annual Juneteenth Festival in Cincinnati, predicted to be one of the
largest local celebrations yet.
From a historical holiday to a fictional one, Bloomsday is
also celebrated this weekend. In James Joyce’s classic epic Ulysses, Leopold Bloom embarked on his
Dublin journey on June 16, 1904. Though purely a literary creation, June 16 has
become a day to honor Irish heritage and culture (you don’t have to wait until
March!). The Irish Heritage Center
presents an evening full of traditional Irish songs, readings,
performances and more Saturday beginning at 7 p.m. Admission is $10.
The Cincinnati Opera
opened its 2012 season this week, and celebrates with Pride Night Saturday. Experience the
tragic passion of Pagliacci and the humorous charm of Gianni Schicchi
in a classical doubleheader, followed by a circus-themed bash at Music Hall.
Enjoy a talent-packed performance, support the LGBT community and party it up in one night? Yeah, it’s
a can’t-miss.