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Tuesday, March 29, 2016

Defining our
boundaries is about defining our limits, healthy boundaries are important to
our well being; our physical and emotional health. When boundaries are not defined or when they are breached we end up feeling drained. The lack of boundaries can be a result of many factors: conditioning from our
upbringing, a fear of rejection, a well intended but misplaced desire to help
another, or even guilt.

From an energetic perspective it can be the results of the
sacral chakra (personal power) being deficient, a heart chakra (love and
balance) being excessive and/or a deficient crown chakra presenting as
someone who doesn’t think for themselves but follows another.

Physical boundaries include your personal space. These
may be invaded by someone touching you uninvited, standing too close to you or
even someone going through your personal belongings. Emotional boundaries have to do with defining our own thoughts and
feelings and keeping them separate from those belonging to others. Examples of
this would be allowing yourself to be unhappy because of someone else’s mood
(codependency - an excessive heart chakra), sacrificing your own dreams or desires to make someone else
happy, trying to solve someone else’s problems for them (again – codependency)
or even blaming your own problems on someone else rather than owning them and
therefore owning the healing process. Energetic
boundaries are breached when someone takes your personal energy or when your willingly give it away.

We can
address this both in the physical world and from an energetic perspective. A
helpful self-assessment from Terri Cole (http://www.positivelypositive.com/2012/06/29/how-to-create-healthy-boundaries)
is as follows:

·Be assertive.
Confidently and truthfully say “yes” or “no” and be okay when others say “no”
to you.

·Separate your
needs, thoughts, feelings, and desires from others. Recognize that your
boundaries and needs are different from others.

·Empower yourself
to make healthy choices and take responsibility for yourself.

UNHEALTHY
BOUNDARIES are characterized
by:

·Sharing too much
too soon or, at the other end of the spectrum, closing yourself off and not
expressing your need and wants.

·Feeling
responsible for other’s happiness.

·Inability to say
“no” for fear of rejection or abandonment.

·Weak sense of
your own identity. You base how you feel about yourself on how others treat
you.

·Disempowerment.
You allow others to make decisions for you; consequently, you feel powerless
and do not take responsibility for your own life.

Tips for Setting
Healthy Boundaries - (Modified
from the book, Boundaries: Where You End and I Begin, by Anne Katherine)

·When you identify
the need to set a boundary, do it clearly, calmly, firmly, respectfully, and in
as few words as possible. Do not justify, get angry, or apologize for the
boundary you are setting.

·You are not
responsible for the other person’s reaction to the boundary you are setting.
You are only responsible for communicating your boundary in a respectful
manner. If it upset them, know it is their problem. Some people, especially
those accustomed to controlling, abusing, or manipulating you, might test you.
Plan on it, expect it, but remain firm. Remember, your behavior must match the
boundaries you are setting. You cannot successfully establish a clear boundary
if you send mixed messages by apologizing.

·At first, you
will probably feel selfish, guilty, or embarrassed when you set a boundary. Do
it anyway and tell yourself you have a right to self-care. Setting boundaries
takes practice and determination. Don’t let anxiety or low self-esteem prevent
you from taking care of yourself.

·When you feel
anger or resentment or find yourself whining or complaining, you probably need
to set a boundary. Listen to yourself, determine what you need to do or say,
then communicate assertively.

·Learning to set
healthy boundaries takes time. It is a process. Set them in your own time
frame, not when someone else tells you.

·Develop a support
system of people who respect your right to set boundaries. Eliminate toxic persons
from your life—those who want to manipulate, abuse, and control you.

Addressing Boundaries from an
Energetic Perspective:

·Be sure to put
protection around yourself daily

·Keeping the human
energy system – the chakras, body and aura healthy and clear will support
healthy boundaries

·Pull in that
heart chakra! J An excessive heart chakra sounds nice but it’s not good for us
or for others. Mentally pull that heart chakra in to a healthy size. If you’re
having trouble with this imagine or see a band of light around the front and
back of your heart chakra like an energetic tube top and ask for angelic
assistance in holding it in place (Archangel Michael is the angel of
protection). Another helpful technique is to make a list of 10 things you love
about yourself. Then make a list of things you can forgive yourself for.
Offering love and compassion to ourselves is very helpful in maintaining a
healthy heart chakra

·Practice
breathwork. Air is the element of the heart chakra, breathwork is a good way to
get in touch with this element

·If you have a
small solar plexus chakra (third chakra) that presents as deficient personal power examine the groups you
belong to and your place in them. Your home life, work life, social groups etc… Are there imbalances of power in these groups and how does that effect you? What steps can
you take to correct these? Consider any unhealthy attachments you may be
carrying and let them go

·If your crown
chakra is deficient meditation is very helpful. Also consider reading a book or
taking a class in a topic that is spiritually or intellectually stimulating