Friday, 4 January 2013

'Ban this sick, sexy filth!'

If the old saying is true and we're all meant to start the year as we mean to go on, it's a safe bet that the Daily Mail will be spending 2013 doing its level best to channel the sensitive soul of Mary Whitehouse. Paul Dacre and his editorial team have, for whatever reason, decided to launch not one, not two, but a three article crusade against the recent "vile" broadcast of 'Big Fat Quiz of the Year 2012' on the basis of a whole five complaints plus the usual dose of hyperbole from yet another 'think of the children' pressure group.

The three articles paint a terrible picture of course. See, apparently this programme wasn't just an extended edition of your usual post-watershed panel show, it was part of a nation's decline into the very depths of vice and depravity: people are no longer revering an unelected monarchy, fun is being poked at ill-judged twitter campaigns and (whisper it) two adults are possibly getting a bit merry on Friday night. Truly harrowing scenes entirely unreflective of a great many pub visits and piss-ups around the country, I'm sure you'll agree.

So, bearing in mind that you now have the tolerance levels of a toddler stuck in an arthouse cinema, what would be the best response to appease you, the initial five offended parties and a few overbearing parental bores across the land? Print a full run of the offending material on the website and in the paper, of course! That way we can all leave the offensive content lying around for anyone to see at any time of day, regardless of their age or where they rank on the Mail's rose-tinted scale of innocence. I'm sure it all sounded brilliantly edgy and brave in the article writers' heads but one of my cats let her guard down and laughed, outing herself as "choosing to live by the lowest standards":

BEAST: Anti-monarchist, doesn't care much for table manners either.

Interestingly that last quote was from the founder of the pressure group who was quoted by the Mail in their first article on this subject. It's a strange mindset which claims to preserve morality and promote ever-vague family values while also making sweeping, derogatory judgements about the lifestyles and actions of literally millions of people. Nothing much to worry about coming from a fringe pressure group, but the consistent presence of this hypocritical attitude in the newspaper itself is worrying, with articles ranging from recent leching over someone's "serious side-boob" to yesterday's publishing FHM photoshoots featuring more valleys than Wales. Yes, I know they were celebrating a fearmongering and laughably ineffectual block on online porn the other week, but that's what moral standards are these days apparently: ignoring obvious solutions and spouting all sorts of charged language to create a storm of outrage, but doing another thing entirely whenever it suits.

The Daily Mail is the second largest UK newspaper in circulation and yet it's so lacking in self-awareness that it starts the year leading a campaign which says 'I'm fine with judging people's oh so sexy, yet confidential medical details, saying fat people hurt my eyes and calling some famous woman a tramp, but I won't have you telling any crude jokes about talent show finalists' advertising campaigns.' What we're stuck with is a self-appointed moraliser taking a perverse delight in kicking people when they're down while savaging anyone who draws the line at making comments in jest
rather than with genuine malice. It's not surprising that the paper encouraging this mindset is so blind when these are the illogical depths it's comfortable with sinking to, but it's worrying to see it taking root in our country to the point of affecting politics as seen in the hysterical 'block the pr0n monster' campaign.

Does anyone remember that Mike Judge film 'Idiocracy', where the most
popular film by 2505 was just called "Ass"? That's eventually where
we're headed if this contradictory bollocks of a crusade continues:
laugh at the arse on the screen because it's crude and you're classed as a child-hating bastard and/or probable pornographer, but laugh at its collapsing marriage or snap a
quick flash of shaft and you too could be accepted as entirely
upstanding according to a prominent British tabloid.

...Goodness me, I hope you read all that after the watershed without a flicker of a grin on your face. If not, stand over there with all the other immoral deviants and have a good, parental-minded think about what you've done, you complete and utter monster.