I took a long (too long) break from blogging as well as any form of a healthier lifestyle and I have paid for it. I have gained 40 pounds since I stopped. My physical health is suffering. I had blood clots in my legs that went to my lungs over the summer, I am short of breath walking up a simple flight of stairs, I hurt everywhere, and I feel like crap every day. My mental health is suffering as well. I am depressed and anxious. I feel like a failure of a mother because I can’t do the things with Katie that I should be doing. I am uncomfortable in many social situations. I feel like everyone is staring at me because I am so fat. I have to force myself to leave the house some days.

Looks like I am at a point where I have to make a decision….Sit on my couch and die or get off the f’ing couch and do something about this.

I am at my highest weight ever! I don’t know what will make this time different from the other times I’ve tried to lose weight and get healthier. But at least I’m giving it a try and not settling for death on the couch.

Simple plan for now…My neighbor Erin and I will be taking Katie to the Y two days a week (three days eventually… maybe more) to work out and I am starting Weight Watchers Online again.

Preheat the oven to 350F. Beat together the brown sugar, shortening, butter, vanilla, and egg yolk. Add the flour and salt. Form 1″ balls and place 1″ apart on a baking sheet lined with parchment paper. Use your thumb or the end of a wooden spoon to…

Before I start I want to say that I understand that everything anyone has done to help me with losing weight has done so out of love. Also, I understand that I have to take responsibility for the way I am today. No one shoved Ho Hos down my throat with a milk shake chaser (wow that sounds good right now).

I cannot remember a time when my weight wasn’t an issue with the people around me. I can look at pictures of me 2 to 3 years old and I was thin and sick looking. I was very sick a lot for a few years and you can really see it.

I was so pale in many pictures

I loved the water and did not mind wearing a bathing suit then

I even had dark circles around my eyes in a lot of early pictures. Then all of a sudden I see picture where I have a stomach sticking out, then the rest of me followed by getting bigger and bigger.

My mom used to call me “Little Mary Alice Powell”, who was (and still is, I believe) the main restaurant critic here in Toledo. My dad and grandparents took me out to eat all the time and I developed my “foodie” critiquing skills and a deep love for “good” food. Now we now know you get this “good” food by adding tons of tasty fat and carbs. Restaurant portion sizes weren’t as big as they are now but they were still a lot larger than they should have been. I remember I could take down a whole adult meal in some really nice restaurants in Toledo.

I liked fruits and vegetables but the strawberries were always better with sugar to make a sweet sauce or cheese on my cauliflower and broccoli. Of course a tomato wasn’t good unless it had Miracle Whip on it. Salads all had regular fat dressing on them.

As I got older there were constant reminders that there was “something wrong” with me. The doctors would talk real quiet to my mom about my weight while they were trying to figure what was “wrong”. There were diet restrictions like no candy or sweets; talking about what I would eat and what days I was allowed to have dessert while on vacation before we even left town. Even at 7 years old I would save up all my money and sneak over to the drug store and buy the things I “wasn’t allowed” to have and eat them anyway. I even paid with 250 pennies one time at Hills and they got the supervisor to come over because the cashier didn’t want to take all pennies. Oh, don’t mess with a 7 year old’s candy stash, YOU WILL LOSE! I had to “weigh in” every weekend at my dad and other mom’s house (I hate the term “step” for my step parents but never figured out a good term with a better picture than stepmom, stepdad…) which I dreaded and absolutely hated.

I remember the photographer talking about how to best angle this shot so I wouldn’t look so overweight. I still love him though.

There were times in gym class when you had to get weighed. In Junior High they had a scale that still seems HUGE. Maybe it was a perception thing, who knows. I was always the biggest kid and it was so embarrassing. The gym teacher would always have to comment, too. Every doctor’s appointment we always get on the scale. That was one thing I appreciate about my midwife group, they don’t weigh you. You weigh yourself in a bathroom and tell them what you weigh. I am an adult and don’t need someone standing over me like I am locked up in a hospital and need supervision so I don’t hide my meds under my tongue. AND YES, I HAVE ALWAYS TOLD THE NURSE THE CORRECT WEIGHT!

GYM CLASS, every fat kids nightmare! I would do anything and everything to get out of it. First of all you have to change clothes in front of everyone else…Hell on Earth! I was always picked last for teams…Hell on Earth! I always sucked at all the activities…Hell on Earth. And I was always last in the track or running activities…Super Hell on Earth! The gym teacher would yell at me for stopping or running (usually walking in my case) too slow. Other classmates made fun of me for being slow. Tell me how this is helping me? Wow, I really needed a chocolate bar after gym class.

I will continue this topic in my next blog post. I know I am long winded and you might need a break.

I wanted to apologize to anyone who tried to tune into our first show. MomTV has been having some technological difficulties that have been fixed. We had a great time doing out live show but it seems like the video wasn’t available for the entire show.

Our first show was about Time Management and Organization. I focused on finding ways to get activity and exercise in even when we are busy.

One app I featured was Nexercise. Nexercise is a social networking and GPS workout app. It helps you track your workouts, gives you challenges for fitness and activities, and rewards you with ribbons and prizes. Get support while chatting with others. It is available for Iphone and Android phones.

*Please check with your doctor before starting any exercise program.

Also, in the show, Kat talks about staying organized with the kids homework, activities and morning routines. Alison had great ideas for organizing your house. Allie highlighted ways to keep your family and their activities organized so everyone knows what is going on. Lily prepared a wonderful overnight refrigerator oatmeal.

I have really tried to avoid rice and pasta the last couple months but I needed to find something to replace them that is nutritious and tastes good. I really don’t like brown rice. I don’t like the texture, taste, or smell and it doesn’t matter how it is cooked. Bulgur is one of my new favorites. It can be interchanged with most recipes that call for rice. Bulgur is a quick cooking form of whole wheat that has been precooked and ground. It is much more nutritious than rice with more fiber, B vitamins, iron, phosphorus and manganese. It is easy to make either with a short burst of cooking in the microwave then let it sit for 20 minutes or put it in hot water and let it sit for up to 45 minutes then it’s ready to be eaten.

Bulgur

My favorite ways to use bulgur are in vegetable salads with beans or lentils or in meatballs and hamburgers. It makes a great filler making your meat go a little longer. We know how important this is in this economy. I am including a meatball recipe with bulgur in today’s post. My husband said these were the best meatballs he had ever had! Even better than cruise food.

If you use extra lean ground beef, ground chicken, or ground turkey this is a pretty healthy recipe even with the small amount of sausage. If you wanted to make it a little leaner you can use egg whites instead of whole eggs, reduce the amount of bread crumbs, and omit the sausage all together. If you omit the sausage, I recommend adding some more spices to compensate.

These meatballs can be used spaghetti, subs, salads, or just plain.

Beef and bulgur meatballs

1/3 cup bulgur

1/2 cup hot water

8 ounces lean ground beef

2 ounces Italian sausage

1 medium onion, finely chopped

2 large eggs, lightly beaten

3 cloves garlic, chopped

1 teaspoon dried oregano

1/2 teaspoon salt

1/2 teaspoon freshly ground pepper

2/3 cup fresh breadcrumbs

Put bulgur and hot water in a bowl, cover. Heat on HIGH in the microwave for 2 minutes and 15 seconds. Let sit for at least 20 minutes. Brown beef, sausage, and onion in a medium sauce pan, then drain. Let cool slightly. Mix meat mixture with remaining ingredients and bulgur. Shape into 1 inch balls and place on greased baking sheet. Bake at 350 degrees for 25 minutes.