End-of-Life Planning Planning now for the end of life—no matter what your health status may be—helps ensure that your wishes are followed. For many, this brings peace of mind and a sense of control. It also takes the burden off loved ones, because they don’t have to guess what you would want. Even though there are many benefits to planning ahead, talking about death can be difficult. It’s important to remember that thinking and talking about dying does not mean that you will face death sooner. And it ce...

The "Terrible Twos" You have to take your child to daycare and then get to work—and you're late. Your 2-year-old suddenly decides she doesn't want to go. The more you try to put her into her car seat, the more she fights and screams. In a few moments she’s crying and you’re frustrated. These tantrums, as well as other unwanted behaviors, seem to be happening a lot lately. Uh-oh—has she hit the "terrible twos?" Remember that this phase of a child's life also can be the "terrific twos." Watching your chil...

Finding the Best Day Care for Your Child Day care for your children is a fact of life if both parents work. But not all day-care options are good for your child. If you're just starting to look, here's what the experts say: First, decide which type of child care best suits your situation. Hiring a baby sitter in your home or taking your child to the home of someone who watches a few children may be convenient or more economical, but your best bet may be a group or center setting. "A quality group child-...

How to Limit What Your Children Watch on TV There's a lot more sex and violence on television today than there was years ago, and experts say children are bombarded with harmful images. "Hundreds of scientific studies conducted since the 1950s have shown a cause and effect between exposure to violence through the media and violent behavior," says David Walsh, Ph.D., president of National Institute on Media and the Family and a nationally known expert on violence and the media. Dr. Walsh and many other e...

Managing Your Biggest Time Wasters Reducing outside interruptions is crucial to premium performance at work. But what can you do if phone calls, visits from co-workers and rambling meetings waste hours of your work time every day? "You can defend yourself by learning simple techniques that will help you manage time-wasters," says Stephanie Winston, president of The Organizing Principle, a management consulting firm in New York, and author of The Organized Executive . "And you can establish greater contr...

Pets Fill a Special Role in Seniors' Lives Having a pet can be a boon to body and soul—especially as we age. "Seniors can benefit substantially from pet ownership," says Richard B. Ford, D.V.M., M.S., a veterinarian. Pets offer companionship, something to nurture, unconditional love, and a sense of security in new situations. And pets can relieve stress, which may help explain why studies have found that pet owners have lower blood pressure and cholesterol levels. The nurturing role "Taking care of a cr...

Reading to Kids Helps Their Development Research shows that reading regularly to young children, especially those between ages 6 months and 5 years, is central to their overall growth and development. Reading provides time for special attention between parent and child, encourages the child's later reading success, and fosters language and speech development. "When children share books with someone they love, like a parent, they will learn to love books," says Barry Zuckerman, M.D., a Boston pediatricia...

The Trouble with Bullies Physical or emotional differences make children targets for bullies. Being a bully or a victim of a bully puts children at risk for engaging in violent behaviors, such as frequent fighting and carrying a weapon, according to the National Institute of Child Health and Human Development. Bullying comes in different forms. It is commonly thought of as an actual or threatened act of physical violence. But name calling, spreading rumors, unrelenting teasing, and deliberately excludin...

What to Do When the Family Feels Claustrophobic There comes a time when even the closest families find themselves too close together. Suddenly, the house seems smaller; the kids are whiny, fighting with each other or acting up in other ways. Worse, you are ready to burst and it becomes clear that your usually peaceful, friendly household is full of people who wish they were anyplace but there -- including yourself. It's time to get up and get out, advises Martin Goldberg, M.D., a psychiatrist and direct...

Your Child's Imaginary Friend ... What It Means You're about to sit down on the couch next to your 4-year-old and she yells, "Don't sit there! You'll crush Gertrude!" Oops. You should have known better. "Gertrude" goes everywhere your daughter goes. If your child starts hanging around with an imaginary friend, enjoy the company. "This is like a little window to how they see things," says Suzanne Johnson, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at Florida State University. It's often part of a child's developme...

Blended Families: Take it Step by Step Old TV shows like The Brady Bunch made blending two families into one look easy. The reality is that blended families - in which parents and children from two families join as one after remarriage - need to work to make their new relationship a success. Despite sometimes long odds, however, parents and kids can establish and maintain a loving family by trying to be honest, learning to trust each other and keeping the lines of communication open. Parents in a blende...

'Do As I Say, Not As I Do!' Imagine Dad lecturing on the evils of drinking with a beer can in his hand. Or Mom cautioning on the dangers of overeating as she finishes a quart of ice cream. Such well-intentioned parents, and millions of others, forget the first principle of effective child-raising: Actions speak louder than words. The most important single influence on the development of children is the example set by their parents, according to the National Institute of Child Health and Human Developmen...

Drawing the Line on Kids' Activities Parenting these days can seem like a nonstop chauffeur service: driving the kids to piano practice and soccer practice and ballet class and art class. It's enough to make some parents worry that their children are involved too many organized activities. Other parents may fear their kids don't join enough. Health professionals say that the number of classes or activities isn't what's important. It's the nature of those experiences that counts. Kids need one or two ext...

Great Ways to Motivate Your Team Being a facilitator - making it easier for your team members to do a better job - will make you a more competent team leader. Instead of telling people what to do, the best leaders bring out the best in their team members. One way to do this successfully is to work on your coaching style. In the coaching role, you can make spontaneous suggestions and offer encouragement. Following these tips should also help you improve your effectiveness as a team leader: Provide specif...

Help Your Child Find the Meaning of Sports Four seconds remain on the clock. Twelve-year-old Melissa steps up to the foul line and fires off a shot that could win the championship game. The ball arcs toward the basket, hits the backboard and teeters on the rim. Will Melissa's shot be the game-winner? It's called the thrill of victory and the agony of defeat. But win or lose, experts say, it's far more important for Melissa and her teammates to take away from sports some lessons about self-esteem, motiva...

Helping Children Conquer Fear Who's afraid of the big, bad wolf? When you were 4 or 5 years old, you probably were. If you have children this age, you can count on their exhibiting fears of wild animals, monsters and the dark, whether you come from Cleveland or Hong Kong, London or L.A. But have no fear. It's a normal part of their development, experts say. You need the experience of mastering fear as a child in order to be competent as an adult. If you think of sports success as being the result of pra...

How Parents Influence Kids' Health Behaviors How you respond to illness may depend on a variety of factors. Yet research indicates your parents may have played a significant role in shaping your perception and reaction to illness behaviors you can in turn pass along to your children. "Parents tend to reinforce and model behaviors for their children, and those behaviors may include dealing with illness," explains Rona Levy, Ph.D., professor at the University of Washington School of Social Work. Dr. Levy,...

How to Find Your Child's Gifts Emily's mother says Emily is gifted. Jeanine's parents say the same of their child. Billy's do, too. They're all correct. Emily did poorly in English last marking period, but she plays the piano well and scores high in math. Jeanine needs tutoring in science, but she writes funny stories. Fifteen-month-old Billy doesn't talk much, but he feeds himself. Experts say every child shines in at least one discipline. It's your job as a parent to discover and encourage your child'...

How to Let Go of Growing Kids Making a healthy transition from adolescence to adulthood is essential for your kids - and for you. As you let go of maturing children, you must forge a new, adult relationship with them as a friend and adviser. The keys include communication and flexibility. It's part of a process that accelerates as children move through adolescence. Teens want to be independent, but deep down they also need to be connected. Parents should balance increasing freedom with some guidelines -...

How to Set and Achieve Professional Goals If you want to accomplish something instead of drifting aimlessly, you have to set goals. Nowhere is this more relevant than in today's workplace. Setting professional goals is part of the game plan for yourself and your company. Knowing exactly where you're going and what you want to achieve puts you in the driver's seat. It helps you plan for your training and educational needs. Moreover, goal setting is important in a team-oriented workplace. You can help you...

Independence Day: Granting Freedom to Kids Letting go is something all parents try to prepare for—letting go when your child goes off to college, gets married, or joins the Army. About the only way you can prepare for those big "Letting Go" events is to practice on the small ones. And those small ones, unfortunately, are often the hardest. Parenting books can offer advice, but you know your own children and you're the one who has to make the judgment call on questions like: When is your little girl old ...

Is Your Child a Night Owl? It's 11 p.m. on a school night. You're standing in the doorway of your 8-year-old's bedroom delivering a warning. "If you don't get to sleep right now, I'm going to..." What? Let's face it: parents cannot make children fall asleep on command. "If you're the parent of a night owl child whose inner clock tends to keep him up an hour or two later than other children, there's no sense insisting on falling asleep at an unrealistic bedtime," says Barbara H. Smith, M.D., a child psyc...

Keep Your Head When You Get the Ax For many workers, the threat of a sudden, permanent job layoff looms as one of life's major uncertainties. Besides the financial hit, laid-off workers can expect difficult personal and family adjustments. But getting the ax doesn't need to be personally devastating. "The most important thing is to really think about the fact that you are not your job," says Rupinder Kaur, M.D., a practicing psychiatrist. "Your identity as a human being should not depend on what you do ...

Making This School Year Your Child's Best Ever When the school year starts, your child will probably return fearing math class, the lunchroom "mystery meat", and being labeled a geek for wearing clothes that went out of fashion last week. A child starting kindergarten or first grade will also fear isolation, not making friends, and being unable to find the restroom. Whatever age your child is, you can help alleviate first-day jitters by helping the student plan for a new school year. By planning ahead, ...

Night Terrors Usually No Cause for Concern Night terrors, also known as sleep terrors, are not the same as nightmares. Nightmares are quite vivid and memorable, and may cause a significant disruption of sleep. Night terrors are sudden arousals from sleep often marked by a shriek, cry or some other sound just before awakening. After a night terror, children usually fall quickly back to sleep, although they may seem a bit confused or befuddled immediately after the event. In the morning, the child usually...

Pets and People: The Health Connection Psychology pioneer Sigmund Freud loved dogs, yet he never mentioned them in his research. It's only in recent years that scientists have begun to analyze the way we humans relate to other species. Perhaps that's because we need to make sense of the close connections so many people have with their pets, from pythons to parrots, German shepherds to Vietnamese pot-bellied pigs. Here are some of the most common questions people ask about their pets: Is a dog's mouth cl...

Preparing Your Child for Sleep-Away Camp When summer rolls around, many parents prepare to send their children to sleep-away camp. Before making a decision on a camp, though, you should consider what kind of camping experience will benefit both your child and family. Jonathan A. Slater, M.D., associate clinical professor of child and adolescent psychiatry at Columbia University in New York, offered this advice on how parents can prepare their child—and themselves—for this summertime adventure. Ask plent...

Secrets for Finding Happiness at Work The type of work you do, your title or your salary has very little to do with whether you are happy at work. Self-esteem and believing you deserve to be happy do. "Self-esteem is the first key to finding happiness on the job," says Denis Waitley, Ph.D., speaker and coauthor of several books on personal and career success, including The Joy of Working . "Self-esteem is a deep-down feeling in your soul of your own self-worth. Individuals who enjoy their work develop s...

Sexual Harassment's Emotional Toll According to researchers at the American Psychological Association (APA), nearly 50 percent of American working women will experience on-the-job sexual harassment at some point in their careers. "I've assessed a number of these cases myself, and one frequent outcome is deep depression," says Dana Westmoreland, who frequently counsels working women in Charlotte, N.C. "We also see a lot of anxiety disorders and other stress-related symptoms. Many of these women have been...

Teach the Joy of Gift Giving It doesn't take much teaching for children to understand the "getting" part of giving and receiving. But it's never too early to begin setting a good example for your children, to teach them the joy of giving gifts. Start early "Pre-kindergarten is a very good age to introduce the idea of altruism and giving to others," says Ellen Hollon, M.S., a child development expert in Dallas. "Role modeling is the best way to learn that giving is a positive concept. "Parents can be goo...

Want to Make Marriage Great? Communicate! Ask any marriage counselor how to maintain a healthy relationship, and you're sure to hear two words repeated again and again: "Good communication." But what do those two words actually mean? To many experts, communicating effectively with your partner calls for much more than merely talking and listening. "The goal of true communication is empathetic understanding. Both partners must engage in "active listening" and draw closer in an increasingly intimate relat...

When a Reward for Kids Becomes a Bribe A 5-year-old never puts away her toys without a shouting match with her parents. Mom promises a trip to Disney World if the girl will routinely clean up after herself without an argument. Reward, or bribe? A 12-year-old hates homework and routinely skips it. Dad pledges to spend Saturday morning alone with his son doing whatever the boy wants if he'll complete his homework without a reminder for a week. Reward, or bribe? Bribe on the first count, but a positive rew...

When Grandparents Raise Grandkids Many seniors are taking a second turn at parenting. The U.S. Census Bureaus say that grandparents provide childcare for almost a quarter (23 percent) of children under the age of five. In nearly one-third of these households, grandparents are the primary caregivers. Divorce, single-parent families, and financial hardships are just a few of the reasons why we see more grandparents stepping back into the roles of mother or father. This can be overwhelming for many older p...

When to Worry About That Messy Desk Some workers seem to thrive on the chaos of a messy desk, while most of us experience confusion, delay and frustration trying to work in a cluttered work space. What's the difference between harmless clutter in your cubicle and the kind of out-of-control disorganization that can wreck your job? "If you start missing appointments, or if you find that you're spending more time looking for things than you should, then you've got a problem," says Marge Sneigle, a counselo...

When Your Marriage Is on the Rocks Ask anybody who's been through a divorce to describe it, and you will probably yourself listening to anger, sorrow, resentment and anxiety. In most cases, dissolving a marriage takes a high toll on everyone involved. But the toughest part is probably what happens first - when one or both partners make the decision to go their separate ways. How should marriage partners whose relationship has badly deteriorated go about the business of deciding whether or not to end it?...

Why the Family Meal Is Important For Lenore, it might have been easier to just forget about family dinners. With a career, two kids, and after-school sports schedules to deal with, Lenore had plenty of excuses for an eat-on-the-run philosophy. But dining separately wasn't palatable to Lenore or her husband David. Both were raised during a time when families shared the evening meal. They did not want to lose that. "Breakfast was grabbed on the run for everybody, which made dinner very important," says Le...

Help Your Children Chill Out Overscheduling. Rushed families. High parental expectations. Goading from peers. Getting into the best college. Whew! Today's kids face enormous stress. Kids must cope with all the issues, such as violence or global warming, that stress out adults. But they must also handle stresses added by their parents and the media, says Kenneth Ginsburg, M.D., F.A.A.P., author of A Parent's Guide to Building Resilience in Children and Teens: Giving Your Child Roots and Wings . "Parents ...

Making the Most of Meeting Follow-Up Another day, another meeting. And chances are, you believe your time could be put to better use elsewhere. “Meetings are usually events where minutes are kept and hours are wasted,” says Bob Losyk, author of Get A Grip! Overcoming Stress and Thriving in the Workplace . “So, before you attend a meeting, make sure it’s important for you to be there in the first place.” If you’re required to attend, make the most of it by following up effectively on the meeting’s object...

Overcome Your Productivity Barriers Do you find yourself starting the day with yesterday’s work still staring you in the face? If your work is piling up, or not up to par, you can help yourself by overcoming your productivity barriers. “High productivity is the result of doing the right things right the first time,” says Donna Long, president of Learning Journey Inc., in Kissimmee, Fla., and coauthor of JukeBox Journey to Success . “Three of the most common barriers to productivity are poor time managem...

Stretching Your Health Care Dollar Having health insurance gives you peace of mind. Knowing how to use that insurance is like money in the bank. Jessica S. Banthin, Ph.D., an economist with the Agency for Healthcare Research and Quality, offers these smart-shopping strategies that can keep you as healthy as possible without shelling out more than necessary for copayments, deductibles, and coinsurance. Invest in “an apple a day” “One of the main things you should not do is skip preventive care and checku...

Treasure Playtime with the Grandkids The grandkids are coming—and you're feeling unprepared. How will you entertain them while staying within your budget? Making your home a fun place for grandkids is easier and more affordable than you may think. Provide a "treasure chest" of inexpensive, kid-friendly items. And, add a healthy dose of your undivided attention. "If you want to keep a kid happy, the very best toy is you," says Ken Ginsburg, M.D., a pediatrician at Children's Hospital of Philadelphia. Dr....

Working Well with Everyone at Work Getting along with everyone at work creates a cooperative, cheerful atmosphere that can help you and your company succeed. If you’re like most people, you tend to be comfortable and work well with people who have jobs similar to yours, but find it a bit more difficult to relate to people in other positions with whom you have little in common. Some people you work with may have many years of professional training, and others may not have a high school diploma. Do you fe...

5-Minute Stress Solutions How does your day end? Do work worries and problems accompany you home and distract you from your family or peace of mind? Would you like to find a way to let go of the aftereffects of your job so you can better appreciate and enjoy your life beyond 9 to 5? “It’s easy to be caught in the momentum of a busy job, but the costs of this emotional hijacking are high," says Jeffrey Brantley, M.D., founder and director of the Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction Program at Duke Universi...

Balancing Work and Home Getting organized in your work, family, and personal lives can help you create balance in each of these important areas. To keep the scales of work and life balanced, you must be organized. This means you must not only organize your stuff, but also your time. “Balancing your life means weighing your priorities. Like the scales of a balance, at times you’ll be heavier on one side than the other. The idea is to change the weights on each side to try to stay even,” says Eileen Roth,...

Building Bonds with Your Grandchildren What does your grandson do in his spare time ... and what is your granddaughter's favorite subject in school? If you're a little fuzzy on the details of your grandkids' lives, you're due for a catch-up visit. But this time, make it one-on-one, just the two of you. Experts say getting to know each grandchild personally by planning special activities for two strengthens the bond you share. It also builds memories you'll both recall fondly for a lifetime. Any one-to-o...

Cross-Cultural Adoptions Raise Sensitive Issues Pimples. Braces. Dating. Finding your way through the teen years can be challenging, to say the least. When you're an adopted child of a different race or culture from your parents, "it adds a whole other layer of challenges," says David Youtz, president of Families with Children from China of Greater New York (http://www.fccny.org). He says that it's vital for parents of children adopted from other cultures to acknowledge that their child is different. Fo...

Even Kids Face ID Theft If you think kids are rare targets for identity thieves, think again. The Federal Trade Commission (FTC) got nearly 12,000 complaints of identity theft involving people age 17 or younger in 2005. That's up 78 percent since 2003. Crooks from computer experts to purse snatchers can steal personal information and run up bills in victims' names. Clearing up the mess can be costly and stressful. "You can do everything right and still become a victim," says Jay Foley, executive directo...

For Parents: Harsh Words Can Leave Scars To help your children become happy, well-adjusted adults, treat them the way you'd like to be treated yourself. Talk nicely. Don't be mean. Sounds simple, but those are some of the most important things you can do. It means no shrieking at your 2-year-old when he decorates your bathroom wall with purple magic marker. ("Pretty, Mommy?") It means no name-calling or sweeping generalizations if your 5-year-old drops a box of detergent so it looks a snowstorm in your ...

Get More Done With Teamwork When people work together, sharing their talents and ideas, their combined efforts accomplish more than the same number of people working individually. As a team member, you share the energy of your teammates, the excitement of a shared mission, and the celebration of completing a successful project. Being part of a team, however, has responsibilities as well, because every member plays an important part in the team’s success. “There are a lot of little things you, as a team ...

Grandparents Can Provide a Critical Need: Attention WANTED: Cheerleader extraordinaire. Applicant need not be nimble or boisterous. Ability to boost morale and offer unconditional support a must. Generous intangible benefits. Grandparents encouraged to apply. Times may have changed since you raised your children. If your grandchildren are like many kids today, they're busy with after-school programs, sports, music lessons, dance classes and a host of other activities. The good news is that these activit...

How to Compare Hospital Costs Each year, more public and private institutions are providing health care consumers with higher-quality information and cost data to help them choose hospitals and other care facilities. If your doctor recommends that you have surgery or a medical procedure, taking time to research hospitals in your community to compare costs, care quality, infection control and other concerns can provide peace of mind. The following Web sites and links can help you find relevant hospital i...

How to Help a New Coworker Succeed Being a new employee can be scary and intimidating. For starters, there are all those unanswered questions: What’s expected of me? Can I do the job? Will my coworkers and my boss like me, and will I like them? Is this a place where I can succeed? “To help someone who is starting out in your company, remember how you felt on your first day. Was it a pleasant experience? If so, what made it that way? If not, were you treated in a way that increased your stress?” says Jul...

How to Hold Down Specialist Costs Your health care provider can provide most of the care you and your family need. You may be advised to see a specialist, however, if you have a condition your health care provider can’t treat, such as heart disease or cancer. Your health care provider will usually refer you to the specialist he or she thinks would be best for you. In fact, many specialists don’t accept patients who haven’t first been examined and referred by a family doctor or internist. This helps ensu...

How to Reverse Job Burnout Burnout is feeling physically, emotionally, or mentally exhausted with a situation. It can make you feel powerless, hopeless, drained and frustrated. And although it can be caused by chronic stress, the condition has important differences. The signs and symptoms of burnout are similar to those of stress, but burnout includes emotional exhaustion and an increasingly negative attitude toward your work and, perhaps, your life. Often, burnout is a feeling that you’re no longer abl...

Learning to Be a More Valuable Employee Most employees believe they’re paid by the hour. In reality, they’re paid for the value they bring to that hour. “When the value you bring to an hour at work exceeds your pay for that hour, you become a more valuable employee,” says Dan Clark, a certified speaking professional and member of the National Speakers Association Hall of Fame in Salt Lake City. “As a result, your job may be more secure, you may have more potential to advance in your career, and you’ll h...

Lower-Cost Health Care Options Health care costs continue to rise, but you can take steps to keep them under control. The following suggestions from the Agency for Healthcare Research and Quality can help. Ask for a break About two-thirds of adults who asked for a lower price from a hospital or dentist got it, according to a 2005 Harris Interactive poll. If you’re paying out of pocket or face a high deductible, ask if your doctor will accept a lower amount. Do what you’re told About half of all American...

Planning Ahead for Better Meetings Many people hate to go to meetings. They insist that most of them take too long, lack focus and create more problems than they solve by keeping the participants from crucial tasks. "Despite the fact that many meetings are poorly run, a good meeting can provide a critical link in the way business is conducted and information is communicated," says Bobbi Linkemer, coauthor of "Get Organized." "Meetings also serve to define responsibilities, motivate, teach and generate d...

Prioritizing Your Workload Do you have well-thought-out workplace priorities? Or, do you often have trouble deciding if you should set aside an important sales report to meet with an unhappy customer, or wonder if it’s best to answer your e-mail, answer the phone, or mail customer statements? “In order to reach your workplace goals, it’s essential to define just a few key priorities and expend most of your energy supporting those priorities, instead of spreading yourself thin trying to keep up with too ...

Put Back Talk Behind You You tell your child to clean his room or practice her piano, and here's what you get: hands on hips, eyes flashing, and a muttered, "Oh, Mom, give it a rest!" Sometimes you face rolling eyes, deep sighs, and looks of utter disgust, too. Children disrespecting parents is a worsening problem, says William Coleman, M.D., spokesperson from the pediatric division of Development and Learning at the University of North Carolina. He believes the media play a role. "In TV sitcoms, parent...

Reduce Your Children’s Medical Expenses In the rough-and-tumble world of childhood, scrapes, bruises, and sniffles are unavoidable. But caring parents can do a lot to help limit those visits to the doctor or emergency room—and trim their out-of-pocket health costs. Go preventive Get all the recommended preventive care. Well-child visits, immunizations, and dental checkups are an investment in your child’s future, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) says. They’re worth far more than any ...