"...several of the country's topp health organisations praise your leader's outstanding management of his very own 'accident & emergency' department in central office, it having surpassed targets in the production of both 'accidents' & emergencies' in the last few weeks...hem-hem"

...you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs and blaming it on the Forces of Conservatism; If you can trust yourself when the media doubt you, but make allowance for their biased agenda: If you can meet with New Labour and Spin and treat those two impostors just the same: If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools, Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken, And stoop and build'em up with worn-out tools...

(with apologies to Mr Kipling, who still makes exceedingly good cakes...)

You know you’re a Conservative when you start shouting at the BBC before you turn the television on

You know you’re a Conservative when people remember you from school as the one who said “ Well go and live in Russia then !”

You know you’re a Conservative when you still think you had pretty good point

You know you’re a Conservative if you mutter “f....ing Brown...” when it starts raining You know you’re a Conservative if you are prepared to get clinical frost bite to continue smoking

You know you are a Conservative if you cannot hear" Government money" without thinking "My money"

You know you are a Conservative when you are busy working to pay for the 8,000,000 in the public sector and the 5,500,000 of working age on benefits. When you know there are no schools for your children, when you find NHS service to be about the level of Communist bread queue, when the FSA all but puts you out of business and if you stay afloat the government hits you with taxes you never thought of . When you wonder why 1,000, 0000 homes to be built in the South are for immigrants not even here yet . When you are sad the Union is gone but know it is .When Ken spending £400,000 sucking up to the Chinese does not alter your opinion of him, when you can’t see any future for nyone who is not a hired state lackey and yet....

I think it was Charles Kennedy that said the Conservative Party was the party of Simple Minds whereas the Labour Party was the party of Dire Straits. Therefore, you know you're a Conservative when "Don't you forget about me" has been your rallying call for the last ten years, only to fall on deaf ears.

you enjoy ten years of uninterrupted growth and prosperity and you still won't vote for the Government that made it happen.

Thats 15 years anon twit and the governments that made it happen were the Thatcher and Major ones if any government creates wealth.Certainly not this one . So why don`t you vote for the Party that made it happen?...Did you kmnow that Major had already handed interest rates to the B of E as part of Maastricht ...Browns great achievement...nope ... just picked it up and took the credit.

You know you are a Conservtive when you know you should ignore the pubescent braying of anon dimwits but reply anyway....sigh

I think it was Charles Kennedy that said the Conservative Party was the party of Simple Minds whereas the Labour Party was the party of Dire Straits. Therefore, you know you're a Conservative when "Don't you forget about me" has been your rallying call for the last ten years, only to fall on deaf ears.

No he said shimple minds and the flubber pity are drirey states. Liberal party musical taste doesn’t go much beyond the Public sector BMW free CD but ....I think for them the band has to be Blancmange ...long forgotten now

When, David Cameron announces that he will take England and the UK out of the EU!!!!

On 21 June 2007, the European Heads of State met in Brussels. At this summit, an "amending treaty" was signed.

This treaty set in stone most of the substance of the original constitution so decisively rejected by French and Dutch voters in 2005. In order for the "amendments" contained within this treaty to be implemented, no referendum is required.

Tony Blair resigned as British Prime Minister just 4 days after he signed this treaty.

COMMON PURPOSE

Although it has 80,000 trainees in 36 cities, 18,000 graduate members and enormous power, the secretive Common Purpose group is unknown to the general public.

Common Purpose has identified and continues to identify "leaders" at all levels of government. These are being taught to pay no heed to the wishes of the British majority. The successful CP recruit must show loyalty only to the directives of Common Purpose and the EU.

Since most Conservatives work for a living and pay ever more swingeing taxes to watch them squandered by Government, whilst our pension funds have been robbed blind, we have certainly all been losers over past 10 years. No argument there, the truest statement a Labour Politician or Councillor has made in years...

Newmania said:- No he said shimple minds and the flubber pity are drirey states. Liberal party musical taste doesn’t go much beyond the Public sector BMW free CD but ....I think for them the band has to be Blancmange ...long forgotten now

Considering the Tory Party boasts celebrity supporters like Busted, Cilla Black, Bruno Brookes and Gary Numan whearas the Lib Dems are supported by the likes of Brian Eno, Fran Healy, Imogen Heap and Andy Kershaw - I think you need to get a life!

A drone a moan an unknown and a ... um Northern monkey. What a putrid weed fest.THE ROLLING STONES in your face 'used -to-dig' and they are still smokin` to this day. You wish you had my rockin' life !!

... you're a soulless corporate whore temporarily masquerading as a tree-hugging eco-friendly chappie, all the while biding your time until you can reveal your true agenda of jobs for the boys, tax cuts to the rich, punishing people for being poor and promoting oligarchy and monopoly.

....when you think that Norman Tebbit still makes sense, that Arthur Scargill deserved a damn good kicking, that PW Botha was misunderstood, and that Cameron should stick to primary school where he belongs.

1....you don't smoke, but you feel sorry for the pooor buggers sat outside in the rain because they still choose to

2....you still believe that you know how to spend your own money better than Gordon Broon!

3....you are tempted to vote UKIP

4....you don't see why drinking the problem with warm beer served in a jug makes you look old fashioned

5....you think fashion is generally overrated anyway

6....but you think tweeds and moleskins are timeless

7....you like the banjo and the Wurzles (OK, I admit that one is just me)

7a....you believe a sentiment is better than an ideology

8....you pretend otherwise, but actually, you don't give a toss what consenting adults do in private, and care less about whom they do it with

9....when you wish someone in your party would say "actually, we think we should cut some taxes in order to fuel the economic growth, the proceeds of which we intend to share"

10....you cannot understand why we allow foriegn born terrorists committed to this country's destruction to live here, but not Ghurka soldiers decorated for bravery in defending this country!

11.....You think that Heffer and Hitchen's are a bit mad and eccentric, but have a point though!

12....you think the best way to help people escape poverty is by helping them into work, reducing the taxes they pay, supporting their aspirations for poverty, liberty and family, and that the benefit and tax system achieves exactly the opposite of this

13....you don't believe that the state has a monopoly on wisdom and provision of public services

14....you instinctively distrust politicians - especially those on your own side

15....you still apologise when you bump into people, and hold doors open for ladies

16...you think feral youths whould be birched a few times

17 ....when you believe in 'carrot' and 'stick', and not just one or the other!

18....when you admire people who have acheived great success, not resent them

19.... you respect the working poor as much as you admire the working rich

20....and finally, despite all the crap, you still love this bloody country, and want it back from those determined to wreck it

....... the government announces a new policy and you immediately foresee the unintended and undesirable consequences based on your understanding of human nature, basic economics and common sense. Two or three years later and at great expense your predictions are proved entirely correct."