Wantto win $500?

Subscribe to YourTango newsletter

12 Best Pieces of Dating Advice

My current favorite tips to help you create a healthy, fulfilling, sustainable relationship!

People ask me all the time for dating tips and advice, and I definitely have some current favorites. Whether you’re back on the dating scene after a divorce/difficult breakup/death of a spouse; whether you were plain old dumped and are afraid to have your heart broken again; are a single parent; are intimidated by online dating; wouldn’t know where to start or even what to say if you saw someone you liked; or are simply starting over, try these twelve tips on for size.

• Don’t lead with “sexy” unless you want someone to value that most about you!
• You don’t need to “sell” yourself. Remember that who you are is not for sale.
• Notice if you like who you are more, or like who you are less in the presence of a potential partner. Do they automatically bring out the best or worst in you? Example, do you feel insecure and unsure about yourself, or leave wondering if they like you? Or do you feel calm, comfortable, warm inside and invigorated as a result? Keep in mind: there is little difference between excitement and fear, yet there IS a difference!

• Slow down—no need to be desperate, even if you feel desperate! Here’s a handy tool I call think it through. Remember the last time you were gaga for someone and the relationship ended badly? Remind yourself that just because someone seems like they might be a good fit, there’s no need to rush. This will usually cool your proverbial jets no matter how hot or perfect someone SEEMS at the time! Remember there are 1.45 million potential mates out there for you, Again, slow down. Think School Zone!
• Smile at your sisters every day: there is plenty of love to go around and around. There are 1.45 million potential partners for everyone looking!
• Find out what someone you like is bringing to the party. That’s right, you know what you have going on; remember this works both ways. Want a balanced relationship with flow, not all you give and they take? Then, find out what they have to offer. Do they have good listening skills and don’t just talk about themselves? Pay attention and see if they remember small bits of information you shared, like your kids’ names or ask about your job…you know, things that say “I care.”

• Go for the ones who think you’re easy to love! I used to be afraid I was too much/too sensitive/too high-maintenance, until I decided to re-frame and love my big nature/sensitivity/preference for processing and self-inquiry. And, it turns out, so does my husband!
• Do something every day to get ready for your new relationship. Do a clearing exercise of your past relationships, let go of old pictures or items that remind you of the past not the future, get a set of matching coffee mugs, another cruiser bike, fix the seat belt in your car on the passenger side, get some new sheets. Or, like I did, marry yourself so you know you’re ready for commitment!

This article was originally published at Maryanne Live . Reprinted with permission.

1. Torn, New Sensations, 2012

"Imagine: A married man meets much younger "manic pixie dream" woman. She completes him, she gets him, she inspires him, and he’s torn about what to do next. If you’re skeptical of this film on the basis of its synopsis, rest assured that I was too.

"Torn tackles the age old story of married man falling for a much younger woman without the obvious clichés. A romantic story about knowing when to fight for love and when to make the difficult choice of walking away," says adult filmmaker Jacky St. James, the writer/director of Torn.

2. Heart Strings, Wicked Pictures, 2011

"In Heart Strings, a love-forlorn young woman finds herself open to the possibility of new romance when a mysterious stranger strolls into her small country town. But what’s his story? This film plays on many romance tropes from damaging past lives to Cinderella-like fairy tales, but it does so in a way that’s fresh and empowering. You will find yourself captivated by the romantic fantasy and humming the film’s original theme song long after the credits roll," says Tibbals.

3. Marriage 2.0, Lion Reach Productions, 2015

"This is one of my favorite romantic adult films because the characters choose the deepest kind of love, the kind which allows another to fully be, even when it's not comfortable. Yes, I'm talking about the idea of HONEST, open relationships with integrity. They stay with it. They don't give up. In the process of being true to someone else, they find themselves.

The sex is hot because it's real. The dialogue got me to think about unconditional love and how far I would go for someone I loved, and what I might find out about myself in the process. The whole movie is shot in San Francisco, the wind is blowing, the ocean is calling, there's lots of wine and it feels very progressive," says erotic e-tail site GameLink.com Communications Executive Adella.

4. The Opening of Misty Beethoven, Crescent Films, 1976

“It would be easy to pick many fantastic modern romance movies, like Torn, The Submission of Emma Marx, or Aftermath, but my number one top romantic movie is The Opening of Misty Beethoven!" says adult star Casey Calvert, co-producer of the Showtime documentary X-Rated: The Greatest Adult Movies of All-Time.

"It's based on the play Pygmalion and the musical My Fair Lady, but with one very important plot twist: in Misty Beethoven, the two main characters actually end up together, creating the perfect romantic happy ending," says Calvert.

5. An Office Romance, New Sensations, 2010

"This is the first movie from New Sensations' Romance Series I ever saw and it is the movie that made me follow the line ever since. It reminded me of a RomCom I would see in a theater but there was full blown sex with beautiful people," says Adella.

"I wanted to see how it ended. I liked the pacing and how long the crushes built up before the desires were fulfilled. I liked the awkwardness and the innocence and the sweetness. It took me back to my early twenties when I had a crush on my single, sexy, lawyer boss," Adella says.

6. The Sexual Liberation of Anna Lee, New Sensations, 2013

In The Sexual Liberation of Anna Lee, a sexually repressed women discovers the freedom to embrace her deviant side when she undergoes therapy and falls for another patient battling his own demons.

"An unconventional love story about two people navigating the complicated emotional terrain that oftentimes comes with sexual freedom. This film strikes a cord with a lot of women who are straddling that fine line of what it means to be a good girl and what it means to be a bad girl," says adult filmmaker Jacky St. James, the writer/director of The Sexual Liberation of Anna Lee.

8. Paint, Skow for Girlfriends Films, 2013

"I love movies with a love triangle as a key element of the plot, and Paint provides a very original twist on this: girl meets girl; girl loves girl; girl meets boy; girl seduced by boy; girl must choose between boy and girl.

In Paint, a mature lesbian artist takes a girl with a lot of artistic promise under her wing in the studio and the bedroom. Their affair becomes messy when a man enters the picture, promising the young artist fame, fortune, and his cock. I watched all the way to the end to find out who she chose!" says Adella.

9. Lost & Found, New Sensations, 2011

“It’s a no-brainer to include a movie from New Sensations director Eddie Powell and my vote goes to this charming romance about a guy (Xander Corvus) who helps his adorable neighbor (Allie Haze) search for her lost pet — all the while neglecting to tell her that he already knows where the dog is. Meanwhile, two other couples follow their own paths to love," says Street.

10. The Wedding Day, New Sensations, 2010

"The Wedding Day was an early New Sensations film that ultimately inspired me to make the career transition into adult," says Jacky St. James. “I couldn't believe that five years ago adult companies were producing high-quality, cinematic adult content with girl-next door looking women and incredibly attractive men. It was a very simple story, but it was ultimately what prompted me to say, 'Wow, there are adult studios that do care about story, content, and overall production value that are compelling to watch!'' St. James says.

11. Fallen, Wicked Pictures, 2008

"Even though I'm biased, I'd say Fallen is one of the most romantic films of all time," says "Guide to Wicked Sex" creator Jessica Drake. "When I read the script in various stages, I began to fall in love with the movie, and that was only the beginning. A fallen Angel (played by yours truly) roams the earth in limbo until encountering love but her love interest is none other than the boyfriend of the woman she was "in charge" of in the very powerful opening of the movie.

Their chemistry is undeniable, and after LOTS of scorching sex, Angel makes the ultimate sacrifice, all in the name of love. When I first watched it, I was enthralled. It's a great movie to watch with your lover, and to this day, it's still my favorite movie I've ever done," says Drake.

"Imagine: A married man meets much younger "manic pixie dream" woman. She completes him, she gets him, she inspires him, and he’s torn about what to do next. If you’re skeptical of this film on the basis of its synopsis, rest assured that I was too.

"Torn tackles the age old story of married man falling for a much younger woman without the obvious clichés. A romantic story about knowing when to fight for love and when to make the difficult choice of walking away," says adult filmmaker Jacky St. James, the writer/director of Torn.