Islamic Widget

Al Quran

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Often, one partner may describe feelings of loving the other without being "in love." These conflicting emotions often signal doubts of whether their marriage or union should continue. How can they handle that? Of course, they may just stumble along without taking action, but they can also choose to break up the relationship or go to a counselor to build solutions.

Science teaches (as do therapists) that any novelty increases the dopamine level in our brains. We can constantly refuel with that wonderful pleasure chemical by bringing new challenges and experiences into our relationships. While this would seem to be a no-brainer, in my work, I see that many relationships suffer from neglect by failing to make that effort. People walk away from relationships or settle instead.

We are not at the mercy of our hormone clusters ebbing and flowing. The chemistry of sexual attraction may be beyond our control; however, the way we act in response is totally our choice. We have huge brains giving us the ability and opportunity to make deliberate decisions with our lives. Science informs that we can use our conscious minds to sustain our relationships. When we decide to do that, we can make everything else fall into place for us and value our families of creation.

The Science of Sex Appeal concluded with the optimistic promise that sexual attraction and chemistry do not dictate our actions or partner choices. Our brains give us the option to choose how to live our lives.

Consider how carefully crafted food marketing triggers our desire to eat. We can pass on eating. We have the ability to edit our food choices to create healthy bodies and, if needed, consult a nutritionist. And despite the science of the chemical triggers of sex appeal, we are capable of choices, which honor and create healthy emotional relationships. Exit the role of physical science and enter self-help, relationship coaching, and professional counseling. We can put our brains to work building our understanding and skills to achieve satisfying marriages and other types of long-term pair bonds.