Sunday, February 24, 2013

Go on, David.... maafi maango, yaar!

Nostalgic! Summer of 2012.Athens! Am ready to go back!!!
*************
This appeared in Asian Age /Deccan Chronicle....

Go on, David…. maafi
maango!

Gawd! Will this farce never end? What’s
with this apology mania? First the dishy David Cameron, Prime Minister of Great
Britain ( simply ‘David’ to Mukesh Ambani, the richest man in India) nearly
apologises for a tragic incident that took place before even his own father was
born. Then Sushil Kumar Shinde decides to actually say sorry for his saffron
terror remark. This is such rubbish, really. And we must identify rubbish for
what it is. Let’s not endorse these meaningless half-apologies, regrets, full
blown apologies, transparently fake ‘sorry-s’, and other equally annoying
attempts at covering up deep, old wounds with flimsy band aids. There is that
old saying about not scratching scabs and making old cuts bleed again. Scars
are scars. That the skin has come together over them and dried up the wound,
means the healing process is over. It is time to move on.

The rather nasty aspect of the latest
public expressions of remorse is the
essentially manipulative nature of the act. David Cameron was “expected” to
apologise.Two days prior to Cameron’s scheduled trip to the site of the Jallianwalla
Bagh massacre of 1919 where 1,000 innocents (official figure) were killed, I
received calls from a few British
presswallas.. Those Brit blokes wanted to know whether Indians were expecting
an apology. And if Cameron did indeed apologise ( which, of course, he didn’t),
would we feel a little better? I found the questions ridiculous. Better? About
what? A dashing young Prime Minister came a-calling, heading a trade delegation
(“The largest ever…” he bragged), clearly looking for juicy contracts in India. He shrewdly chose to visit Amritsar
and then the Memorial, obviously with an
eye on the substantial Sikh vote back home. And we are supposed to feel ….
what? Grateful? Overwhelmed? Come on. Was Cameron trying to make up for the
batty,old Duke of Edinburgh’s crass, insensitive remarks when he’d stared at the plaque at
Jallianwalla Bagh and said he thought
the “numbers were vastly exaggerated”? Did Gen. Dwyer ghost whisper that into
the Duke’s ear? Would it have been okay to gun down 500 natives, but not okay
if the number doubled? The Queen had discreetly skirted around this particular
landmine and declared it a ‘distressing example’ (of what?), adding for good
measure that ‘history cannot be rewritten’. So it can’t, guys! Can you not get
it? Sure, Winston Churchill described the horrific episode as ‘monstrous’. But
that was then. And there it should have stayed. Now, chances are we shall spend
weeks and weeks deconstructing Cameron’s words (“ a deeply shameful act”) and
actions (no jootas, head bowed), perhaps reading much more into his brief visit
than was ever intended. Clearly, Cameron’s minders are more aware of local
sentiments than the ones who used to advise his predecessors. Note how
everybody applauded Cameron’s sensitivity to local customs when he removed his
shoes and bowed respectfully in front of the Memorial. That was a good move, we
all agreed. But why are we so impressed by common courtesy? Do we not observe
tradition when in Rome , visiting the Vatican? Or attending a church ceremony
in England? If we can remember to cover our heads and keep our shoes on, surely
Cameron and others can follow our rules without all of us keeling over and
dying? But that’s how we are. Especially when it comes to Goras going native.

It’s too early to say what exactly
Cameron’s visit will yield in concrete terms. Yes, The Mummy is visiting our
shores. And the Museum in Mumbai is filled with eager school kids who believe
they are at a promo event for the movie, ‘The Mummy Returns’. And no – the
Kohinoor stays where it is. Boo to you,
you over reaching idiots! Other lucrative deals will have to wait for a bit,
till we sort out our own mess with Choppers from Italy brokered by a British
agent. Even so, Cameron’s flying 3-day visit is being hailed as ‘significant’.
And every sentence he has uttered while in India is being scrutinised for
hidden meanings and signs. When Cameron chose Mumbai over Delhi as his point of entry, it was
promptly notched as a plug for
capitalism and big bucks. If Cameron mentioned (well-timed pauses and all),
that he had decided to make India his first stop, glances were immediately
exchanged between corporate honchos, who nodded approvingly (“ take that, you
Chinese entrepreneurs. Cameron prefers us!”). Unfortunately, Indians have still
to shake off the rather pathetic colonial hangover, no matter how deeply
embarrassing it is. Cameron’s ‘approval’ matters to us. We refuse to see his
visit for what it is in reality - a
shopping trip. A trunk show. Cameron was here to sell British wares. Conclude
mega deals. Woo India. That’s it. Because Cameron needs us to save him back
home. He needs those desi votes to hang on to power… to consolidate his
position and to wow the locals . The moment of truth will be upon him soon
enough. Sushil Kumar Shinde’s story is
similar. Both men have taken the same route – I am very , very sorry….” sang our Shinde. “I regret…” declared Cameron.
It’s ‘Kissa Kursi Ka’ time all over again.

Someone forgot to remind these men, “Love
means never having to say you’re sorry.” Thank you Erich Segal.

15 comments:

:D Oh how true. And about the Kohinoor. National property stays in the crown of the late British Queen, and will never be returned. Still we have to go gaga over his pretentious apologies, of a tragedy caused by his political ancestors, which came centuries late and is also painfully shallow.February 24, 2013 at 4:49 PM

nice piece. History can't be changed. but it can work as our guide. years ago Brits came to India for trading only and the rest is history. we need not go gaga over Cameran's actions and over actions. Their museums are enriched with our monuments.

Hi Shobha, every word is so true! Yes we need to come out of our colonial hangover!

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Reading your blog after a long time. Undoubtedly colonial hangover sucks, but its true and will continue existing. But the sad part is,how it is being treated. Anti-Brit sentiments in India and anti-Indian sentiments in UK will lead none anywhere.

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