What to write on any given day for me is like what I imagine what to wear to a social gathering is to women. Social gatherings are easy for men. Casual – anything that doesn’t garner a “you’re not wearing that” from your wife. Business causal, khakis and your blue blazer. Kinda-sorta formal or black tie optional, dark gray suit. Social gatherings for women – I don’t know where to start but it will end with “I don’t have the right shoes!”

I have lots of ideas tucked away in EverNote. Some are nothing more than a few words, some are practically a working draft, but I have to be in the mood to finish them. I look forward to Saturdays because I know that if I can’t figure out what to write, Linda will nudge me with the SoCS prompt.

As fast as I could think of subjects, my mind cut me off at the proverbial pass. The way people ask “do you mind?” to disarm you from saying no to a request. I don’t want to write about that because I usually don’t mind at all. Then I thought of the times I do mind. It struck me that there’s a range of “mindiness” that I could talk about and even draw a diagram to illustrate. I liked that because I love drawing those diagrams. I wish I could draw better, but…

One of the least mindy things that happens to me is when people ask if I can take their picture. When Faith and I climbed Mt. Monadnock recently, a guy asked if I could take a picture (with his camera) of him and his wife. No problem. How could you mind? Later, I asked a different guy if he would take a picture of Faith and me – he didn’t mind either.

My favorite story about these types of photos is when Faith and I were on a ferry across Puget Sound from Whidbey Island to the Olympic Peninsula. I took a picture of Faith and a German man asked me if I wanted him to take a picture of both of us. Faith was a little grumpy about having had to get up extra early for the ferry (I’ll let her tell that story). The guy was trying to get us to smile, and finally asked: “you two are traveling together aren’t you?”

That’s Faith and I on our way to the Olympic Peninsula. It’s early

That’s me and Faith on top of Mt Monadnock

This is one of my favorite photos of Faith taken during our trip to the Pacific Northwest

Staying with photos, I don’t usually mind when people ask me if they can use a photo of mine in a blog, or even in a presentation. I absolutely mind when they use them without asking. I once asked a used equipment dealer if I could use a photo in a blog post called “Redefining Impossible.” He was very nice and agreed, didn’t seem to mind at all.

Next up in the scale, staying away from any questions I might get from my wife (I never mind doing those things) we come to the questions around seats. “Do you mind if I squeeze in here?” at a crowded bar. “Would you mind moving down one so we could sit together?” at not quite as crowded a bar but with only single stools available. Switching seats on an airplane so couples can sit together. I wrote about this before.

Next in line, I would put giving someone a ride. Depending on how close the ride is to my destination, my response would vary from not minding at all to minding-a-tiny-little-bit-but-not-really. I give people visiting our office rides to the airport all the time. I live in the town with the airport. I have walked home from the airport. Nothing to mind there. Actually, I don’t mind giving people rides almost anywhere.

I once picked up a hitchhiker on an on ramp to I-91. I was only going one exit, but he only had one leg, it was raining and he was standing next to a broken-down van. I ended up giving him a ride to New Haven, CT, about 45 minutes away because, you know, one leg, rain, sad story and everything.

One other time, I got off the train in Windsor Locks and the woman in front of me turned and asked: “where are the cabs?” I almost laughed. There are no cabs. Windsor Locks is a sleepy little town with nothing to attract tourists. Her flight out of New York had been canceled and they put her on a train to BDL (the airport in Windsor Locks) so she assumed there would be a way to get from the train station to the airport. I mentioned that my wife was picking me up and that we could give her a ride. Happy tourist.

This used to be our train station but it’s been boarded up for years. Plans are underway to renovate it.

This is the original terminal at Bradley Airport. It’s being torn down now.

That’s our train station, the little concrete siding. No cabs.

That’s my train to New York, Philadelphia and Washington, DC

So far, nothing in my illustration gives it any sense of scale. I don’t seem to mind anything. Wait, in that post about switching seats on a plane is a story about when a guy tried to get me to take the middle seat instead of my aisle seat. Yeah, I mind that. That’s over the red line for sure.

Essentially, I don’t mind a lot of things people might ask me to do.

Thanks for sharing:

Like this:

LikeLoading...

Related

Published by Dan Antion

Husband, father, woodworker, cyclist, photographer, geek - oh wait, I’m writing this like I only have 140 characters. I am all those things, and more, and all of these passions present me with opportunities to observe, and think about things that I can’t write about in other places. I have started this blog to catch the stuff that falls out, overflows and just plain doesn’t fit the other containers in my life.
View all posts by Dan Antion

Post navigation

78 thoughts on “Would You Mind?”

Dan, I am thinking of when you, Faith and I were at Niagara Falls. Do you remember when the couple in ‘just married, wedding’ clobber were wistfully staring out over the falls? I will always have their faces in my mind from when I asked if I could use their camera and take a picture of them in front of the falls. A simple question but a result for the rest of their lives.

I am very aware that I take the pictures in our family as we have hundreds (thousands?) of shots of the family minus me and about 10 in total of me as we went through the years. I wish someone had not minded to take photos of me! Mind you (there is the other use), did I ever ask?

I love taking photos for people, holding doors, contributing change if someone is short at DD, offering to help carry things at a store but would definitely would mind taking a middle airplane seat. I must say when I give and give and another person takes and takes without giving anything back at that point it’s kind of like the middle seat I do mind. I hope your neighbors appreciate you and enjoy a good cold beer and some hefty conversation over the back fence. Have a great weekend.

Thanks Judy. I think you’re right about the uneven give and take bit. You reminded me of a former neighbor who passed away a good long while ago. He used to “hold court” on his front patio. A bunch of us would sit and talk for hours.

Great post, Dan! I’m a lot more mind-y than you are, but to my credit, I usually hide it pretty well. “Would you mind ‘x’?” Heck yes, I mind! But fine, I’ll do it anyway. Of course this does depend on who’s doing the asking, and what’s being asked, but I am an inherently helpful person. I think a big key to not minding (or at least pretending not to mind) is putting yourself in the other person’s position. Would I really want to be asked to switch seats on a plane? No. Buuut if I were the one wanting to sit with my travelling companion, I’d certainly appreciate it if somebody said, “Switch seats? Sure, I don’t mind!”

So, would you mind having Pepsi so someone else could have the last Coke? Sorry, I just had to ask Wendy. You’re right. If you can put yourself in the other person’s position, it becomes easy. The guy that I gave an extended ride to was easy. Hitchhiking, missing a leg, he had been left with a friend’s broken down van for hours while the guy was supposed to be getting help. I thought “what the heck” I can get him to New Haven and he will be so happy. He was so grateful that I felt like he had given me something.

Lol! Only if it was a can and not a bottle (I can’t easily flatten a can of Coke, but I can shake the bottle to get rid of the fizz)! And God bless you for giving that man a ride. Things like that always remind me of Hebrews 13:2: “Be not forgetful to entertain strangers: for thereby some have entertained angels unawares.” You just never know to whom you’re doing a kindness. And the Lord always sees.

I was taught at a very young age to give up my seat on crowded buses to a long list of others – but the list had a certain hierarchy: pregnant women, old women, old men, little kids, anyone who didn’t look well, tired people. The end result went something like this, “Excuse me, do you want to sit down?” “No, not you, I was talking to the pregnant lady.” :)

My parents often spoke of the “practice” of courtesy. As a kid, I interpreted that to mean it was something you had to keep working on to get right.

I think your parents and mine would have gotten along well. Of course, I would have made your comment, only to discover that the woman wasn’t pregnant, just large. Then it would be “wait, this is my stop.”

This morning I realized I am having trouble getting back to writing and so committed to the Sosc thang. We’ll see how long it takes — the commitment. It is a good idea, no editing, raw writing. I used to do it regularly and I’ve lapsed, but I can commit to once a week. Using it on my other blog — zenkatwrites. And thanked you for the tip to it!

Thanks Sammy. I would agree with the after-effect “do you mind” like when someone has already cut in front of you. I have a habit of saying “look out” to my wife just as or just after something I dropped hits her. Faith is sitting on a washed up tree stump.

I’ll switch seats and take the middle if they’ll buy me a drink. I’m short and small, I don’t mind too much.
I don’t pick people up. WE pick people up, but I do not.
I take lotsa pictures for people.
I don’t care if people use my photos, but I don’t like when they use my words. I’m very mind-y about my words.
I’m scoochy and squeezey about seating, and can’t abide people who would rather exclude than include. It says so much about character.

Of buy you a drink for the aisle seat any day. Words, I agree, don’t use my words unless you’re quoting me. If I were female, I wouldn’t pick people up. You don’t see many people needing a ride around here anymore.

It’s hard to say what will come of the train station. A woman started the effort years ago but she had a selfish interest and was also very hard to work with. She soured the project as far as my wanting to help. The town owns it now so maybe it will be better this time.

The images aren’t showing and that drives my mind crazy trying to imagine what everyone is talking about! I wasn’t just here for the pictures though…I did read your post despite the lack the pictures showing:) I don’t travel on anything that allows for a middle seat. And I too dislike it when people as “do you mind”…its presumptuous and puts you on the spot…

I was in a Dollar Store last year , buying one item . I had my exact amount ready . A woman in line just in front of me had dozens of items and so , against my usual instincts , asked her : Do you mind if I go first ? She answered : Yes I do ! And that was that .

Hi Dan. You and I are on parallel lines here. I feel a bit ambivolent about airplane seats. My husband goes to a lot of trouble to get me a window seat so I can hu ker down. Being a small person it works best for me. I connect to the great blue yonder and forget that I am in a flying auditorium with hundreds of people I have never met before then and not certain how they would react in a crisis situation. Yep, those things run through my mind. 😒 Oh and the man with one leg…since I am usually driving alone, I would have likely called and perhaps paid for a cab for him. Too funny about the Getman man taking your photo and Faith refusing to smile. I have at least one son who is like that too when he is not “himself” in the morning. Lol Great post.

Thanks Cheryl. When I first stopped, I was only planning to ask the guy if he needed me to call someone. That turned into taking him to an on-ramp south of Hartford. That turned into getting him to New Haven. His was a sad story. Faith did have a right to be grumpy. When she tells that story, I’ll reblog it here so people understand. She usually has a beautiful smile. BTW, I don’t think there are any good airplane seats these days :(

I do believe all things happen as they are meant to Dan. I look forward to Faith’s story. Any similarity to the “I should keep my big mouth shut” post of yours? 😉 Yes, you are right about the airline seats. I think I get irked because everyone assumes that if you are traveling alone you just don’t care where you sit. Like the airline hosts thinking because I am short that I couldn’t handle sitting in an exit row. 😒

Great pictures Dan. Your favorite picture of Faith is simply awesome. Every post of yours inspires me. I’m busy with personal & professional commitments so not much of blogging these days, but plenty of posts in my draft folder. Well, to be honest there’s no draft folder, its all in my head.

Laughing already reading about what women are like when they go out to a social gathering. Now I return to your post …..
OK. Is MINDINESS even a word or did you make that up? Sure enough when I typed that word I got a red squiggly line under it that means it is um misspelled. So I am assuming (OH I don’t like to assume because I usually end up making an *ss of myself) but I honestly don’t think so this time.
As for your favorite shot of Faith, I LOVE LOVE LOVE that photo! That is a winner, Dan! I mean it! My eyes fell out! (hastily putting eyes back in so I can again see) …
As for your diagram, I laughed! I agree there with you that NO ONE will talk me out of giving up my aisle seat on an airplane. There is not enough room for my legs as it is and with an aisle, I have extra stretch room.
Great post, friend!!! I really enjoyed how you put to use the word “mind”. Good for you!!! <3

Hmmmmm …… I will definitely have to now make a post with made up words and what they mean. And I want you to show the Mrs to prove that I too will make up words just because I like to. LOL
It is a toss between window or aisle seat when I fly. The window usually wins out. LOL <3

Somebody made up all the words we have, why can’t we add to the list? I will do the window seat on the last leg of a trip. If I have to make a connection, I like the aisle. I feel like things are more within my control. The Mrs. reads your posts (she quiet).

ROFLMAO!! Oh, Dan!!! YOU really put the icing on my day, a day that has been SO wonderful! I am laughing SO hard right now. Tell the Mrs (oh HI, Mrs) that I am already thinking of words … for example when I SPLUG I splat a slug. GIGGLING. I make up all kinds of words for my cats …. muffy, rolly polie, woggins, cutie p’tootie, luvmuf, splenderful, glorforious, …. laughmungle, … need I say more? Then there is the 3 year old next door and we speak our own language … hehehehehe. I laugh so hard sometimes I have tears in my eyes and I just stop and ask, “Sean, what language exactly are we talkin’?” And he just shrugs and says, “I don’t know.” And smirks. Hehehehe
With all that said and done, now I bid ye adieu for I am heading for a hot shower and good book. Not necessarily at the same time. LOL Good night, Dan. Good night, Mrs. :) :) :) <3 <3 <3

My mother has a habit of saying, “Would you be kind enough to X?” Which I naturally tease her about. “Oh, I see, Mom. So if I can’t or won’t do it, I’m unkind? Nice little pre-paid guilt trip there. ;)”

You’re a very easygoing person, Dan, something I know from your posts.

On my list of mindiness is having to go out when I want to write– it is really the only bit of mindiness I have that is completely irrational, unpredictable and at times, detrimental to the running of the household.

I read Silvia’s post– thanks for leading me there. Mine is a slightly more irrational version of ‘don’t want to go’ : it often makes me quite depressed if I do go out and lose the words that were on the tip of my hands. I find words very hard– lord knows why I’m a writer– so when they do come, I kind of feel like saying NO to everything that stands in their way.

I have a lot to learn from you in terms of being easygoing. Your posts help :).

I know that feeling of wanting to stop what you’re doing and write something down. I also know the feeling when I can’t remember what that great thought was. I always hope that what I’m doing will bring me back around to that thought in the future.

I had to smile at this post. It is a lot like I like to look at words. One time I used variations on usage of “frame.” The different meanings of “regret” made some one in my own life tell me their regrets but also I wondered to her, “Why would ‘Regrets Only’ help a party planner?” Wouldn’t you still wonder If you were getting an accurate tally? :)
I agree some people mind better than others, “the rules of etiquette.” (As far as switching seats in a plane. No. At a bar or movie. Yes. Taking photos. Don’t mind at all!)

Great guy!
I don’t mind a lot of things either. But I’ve been told that I walk with a very serious face, keeping people from approaching me. Some days I try to be ‘not-serious’ but after a few paces I forget. It’s not deliberate. I also walk too fast.