Monday, February 22, 2010

Amber was a photographer I looked up to when I first started the digital leg of my journey.... Someone I admired, followed on her blog, and even took an online class from in early 2007. She was one of the front runners of the digital photography moms-can-do-it-too-and-be-GREAT revolution. A style like Tara Whitney, some fresh Photoshop techniques, and a truly down-to-earth personality.

And one day, in October 2007, she disappeared.

At least, from the internet universe, she was GONE, baby, GONE.

No more blog posts.

No more Flickr photos.

No more.

And for a few months, I waited. People get busy. People get overwhelmed. She'd be back. Others always came back.

So I'd check her blog.

And again.

And again.

And nothing.

Gone.

Over the years, I've formed a kind of overzealous worry about her. Like, WHERE DID SHE GO? WHY? What if there was a terrible, life-changing tragedy in her life? What if her world had completely fallen apart?

And then, I began to wonder--- what if she just...... CHOSE to disappear?

To leave the internet?

To live her life away from the strange, teetering, false-true world of blog adoration, rabid fans, semi-snarky MWACS and ProWACS and misguided quests for validation and flighty, undulating relationships and false faces and temporary pride and wishes and yearning and asking for the world to read and look and love...

What if she CHOSE TO LEAVE?

And is, instead, living a happy, rich, REAL life without the call of the cyberuniverse of photography/art/mothering/opinionating that seeks to be seen/heard/understood?

I learned recently that she has, since 2007, had two more children added to her oldest two.

Clearly, she is living a REAL life, full of carpools, diapers, and FAMILY. Clearly, there is NO TRAGEDY. Her family, her love, her new babies.... She has filled 2007-2010 with REAL LIFE.

Maybe she has eased off photography. I could see how that might take a back seat to the full house she has now.

Maybe she burned out.

Maybe she stopped and saw that we photographers all shoot to be SEEN, and if we're not careful, we begin to reach out for too much from others, and stop understanding what we can offer ourselves. We begin craving validation, praise, accolades...

And we lose a bit of our soul.

And a life lived too much online is time not spent with the little ones in our REAL life. With the lovers we share the home with.

Today, Noah woke from his nap a little fussy... cranky from his drowsiness. He clung to me and wanted me to hold hold hold him. So I held him... curled into my chest, his blanket and lamby sandwiched between my heart and his. And he pleaded, "Hon-gry? HON-gry?" We moved into the kitchen, slowly, gently, with many a kiss from my lips to his hair, and we sat on the old farmhouse stool next to the bowl of clementines. And I started ever-so-slowly to peel... then thought I'd let him learn this experience for himself. So I'd peel a piece a bit, then let him finish. We'd smell the ripe, tart smell of the clementine flesh under the peel, and then we'd peel some more.. a team. Slow. Not hurried. Him still clinging to me in a full hug. It was slow, and tedious, but in the best possible way. And when the fruit was fully peeled, I showed him the "belly button" and we poked and pulled the clementine apart. Segmented it. Ate each piece one at a time.

And then....

We ate another one the exact same way.

And then again a third time.

I was fully present.

I was not thinking about emails. Blogs. Money. Fame. Success. Popularity.

I was experiencing a clementine and a hug with my little love.

And so....Sunday is the end of my Wordless Week. I finally get to pop back on Facebook. Twitter. Message boards. And yet..... I can't quite explain why I have yet to actually write something on any of those sites. My online "homes"...Except....

Friday, February 19, 2010

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Marriage Turns to Math and Back

How will you love betterAfter a long engagement?By what equationOf friends of flowersYou add to tablesAre you able to makeA marriage work? HoursPlanning: The perfect wedding,But years untilThe question's answered.

And how will you love betterThe one who loved you first?How will you tally twoBut equal one?--As calculationsProve inferiorAgainst the heart'sInterior, one forgetsThe error of itsLong division.

Tell me: How will you love better?How will life changeWhen what you arrangeTo live for is someone else?

Tell me: How will you love betterWhen what love bettersCan't help but equal itself?

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Got this cute little idea from my photographer friend Heather Bauers...(she doesn't have her on her blog just yet, but still go check her out. She is vibrant and has an infectious spirit...)

So with the help of Grandma V. during her visit here, Noah and I made our own Valentine Monster using a tissue box and scraps of paper and doodads we had lying around.... Check him out!

And while, in theory, this would be used to collect his various Valentines from his pals, he's not in preschool or daycare or anything where he'll even be GETTING any Valentines this year... So this monster is more of a figurehead of the holiday rather than a useful thing. But I still love it. :)

I have some new photos of Noah to share tomorrow as my last Valentine's post this year.... he surprised me by willingly letting me shoot him the other day when I had another friend's baby in the "hot seat"... Turns out, Noah is a jealous model, and will pose READILY if I am dangling the carrot in front of ANOTHER kid that isn't him. Hm... might have to plot that scenario in the future when I want Noah photos.

Anyway... Look for them tomorrow... and then Noah and I are packing up and heading to Indiana for the weekend. We have a Peas Photography Workshop on Saturday (THANK YOU Jeannette for organizing!!!) and a good little visit with two of my sisters the rest of the weekend... But we're going sans Joe, and I am a little nervous about being the single mama the whole trip... EEP!

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

(Ohmigosh, just googled "felt wreath" to see if I could send y'all to a tutorial or six... and what a mistake!! I might be folding felt til I die, now, with all these gorgeous takes on this technique!!! AAACK!!

Like HERE, for a wintery version.
Or THIS????? LOVE it more than life.HERE'S the original I think Andi found.THIS?? Not the same technique, but still felt. I WANT THIS.THIS? Now I'm just getting off on a tangent...

And just because my front entry where I took the pic didn't have enough room to REALLY dissect my purse all at once, I took this little project a bit further and looked inside the items that had more to show.

First, Anna's tin, where I keep my business cards:

Next, Sarah'swristlet, which I take EVERYWHERE and love that I can take it out of the bigger purse and have autonomous use of it. My ID, CCs, and chapstick are the key items here. The change and receipts are side effects of taking this EVERYWHERE.

Lyn's red coupon organizer, where I write my shopping lists, and where I keep my business notes and receipts, and where a few other miscellany has snuck in:

My pencil case, commandeered from my old diaper bag to be used like Sarah's wristlet, but which never fully functioned as well. Now I use it to hold crayons and markers for Noah, and where I keep my personal receipts when I remember to sift them out of the wristlet. Tithing slips, too.

And the aqua wallet. Though stripped of my ID and main CCs, I still keep a TON of stuff in here, so it still has use to me....And yes, that's a Hot Topic frequent shopper card. What? You didn't see me hangin' out in the Goth Shop? Ha!
Lots of other randomness in here... Kinda fun to see it all in one place!

So there. Secrets revealed. Minutia raised to the level of art. Or something. Anything shown here make you laugh? Surprise you? Make you smile? I'd love to know!

Now what's in YOUR wallet? (said with a Nordic accent like the commercials.)

Anyone else wanna play? No editing out the dirty tissues or too-many receipts to Target. Show me the good, bad, and ugly of your purse RIGHT NOW. :)

(except maybe blur out your important info... That could be bad. Mine's all cloned out to be safe...)