The Tom Bauerle Show

BAUERLE: Penn State Aftermath - Shattered Dreams

Buffalo, N.Y. (wben.com) - If you’ve listened to my show Monday or Tuesday (11/14, 11/15) you may have heard some of the most amazing and disgusting radio of your life.

Somebody told me, “I wanted to turn it off, but I couldn’t!” Usually, that is the kind of comment I’d hear that would irritate me. At least the first part.

For four hours out of my last six on the air, you’ve heard your friends and neighbors call in to share intimate details of their having been sexually assaulted as children.

I wish you could have seen the faces of my crew (Chris Johnson, Connor Wolfley, Logan Howard) and myself when we asked victims to call in. Every single line blew up like Tokyo at night. We all looked at one another barely containing a feeling of being utterly overwhelmed by the sheer enormity of the response.

Every one of those blinking phone lines represented a childhood lost. Innocence stolen. Shattered dreams.

Every time someone sexually assaults a child they dramatically increase the odds of that child growing into a depressed, confused, shattered adult.

The physical assault may end within moments, but the psychological trauma will be with you forever.

One of my callers Tuesday reminded me of something I’d not considered in years: that a big part of childhood is fear. Most kids make it a point to not get in trouble. Even when they’ve done nothing wrong (being assaulted is not the fault of a child) kids do not want to take the chance of being disciplined. Perpetrators know how to exploit this fear in children to their own sick advantage. They are master manipulators.

Many callers also expressed anger at the fact that their pleas for help as children fell upon deaf ears. Their small voices were either disbelieved or touched ears that didn’t want to make waves within the family, neighborhood or institution.

One adult caller, years after being sexually abused by a priest, finally told his elderly father what the “Man of God” had done.

His dad’s response? “Well, you never were a smart kid.” That callous remark is going to stay with me a while.

If you listened to the grief, pain and anger expressed by my callers, the emotions were almost palpable. Decades later, these folks convey a sense of loss and grief that is as fresh today as it has ever been. Even as senior citizens.

For some victims, the source of their lifelong sadness isn’t consciously known until a story like the church scandals or Penn State is talked about widely in the media.

Then, without warning the horrors are reawakened like a slumbering cancer.

I am sure that right now in our community and across the country there are people whose lives have been turned upside down by the recent realization that they too were victims of childhood sexual abuse. You may know someone whose behavior and mood has not been “quite right” since the Penn State story came out. It may even be you.

I hope that my callers have helped you to understand that you are not alone, and that there is no shame in what happened to you as a victim and no disgrace or cowardice in seeking help from a qualified professional now.

We also need to remember that in our rightful anger over children being sexually victimized, that in our system of law everyone is innocent until proven guilty.

The state has to prove its case beyond a reasonable doubt. Just because someone says they think so and so is a child molester does not make it so.

There are a lot of sick people in this world who are not afraid to falsely accuse someone of one of the most heinous of acts, and even a simple accusation can turn someone’s life into a living hell. This is not uncommon in situations where relationships end.

As the safety of children is important, so is the due process of the law.

Some of you reading this may be nodding in agreement because a false and spiteful accusation has been made against you or someone you know.

One other point…

Don’t be lured into the false idea that child molesters are strangers lurking in ice cream trucks with free puppies at the park. Every single victim of childhood sexual abuse I’ve ever known was the victim of either a family member or a “close” friend of the family.

I was one of those that called your show. As I was waiting on hold, so many memories and thoughts flashed in front of my eyes. Not being a public speaker, how does one condense in a 5 minute phone conversation all of the things that happened and all of the ways that your life is changed by one evil person? You're very perceptive, Tom, in what you have written here and said have on your show. Even at 55 with my last encounter being over 44 years ago, hearing the Penn State news stories has put me in a blue place. Those terrible memories of what was done to me as a small boy come rushing back like an out of control freight train. Memories so intense, that in my mind, I can still smell his scent, hear his voice and remember how scared and terrified I was in thinking that I did something terribly wrong. Online I found a photo of this guy and when I look at it, it doesn’t matter how good I feel, I immediately become anxious, scared and sometimes cry. Here I am today at 6' 5" and 250 pounds, reduced to a whimpering child by looking at that picture. The ironic thing about the photo is that it’s a group shot where he is surrounded by priests and students. An evil predator hiding out in plain sight.

11/16/2011 8:54AM

Well Done

I listened to these shows and realized how prevalent this horror is. You provided a safe yet effective forum for folks to vent what had been eating away at their souls for years. The Penn State scandal is stunning. I have no other words for it.
KL

11/16/2011 11:02AM

Handled with Compassion

You handled the show and the callers with great compassion, maybe more than some of these people have had their entire lives. God bless you for a timely piece and for giving an outlet to people who have been unable to speak freely for so long. Maybe thatis the good that will come of this.

11/17/2011 9:11AM

Thank you Tom

Just as the "thanks!" comments listed above, I too am 55 years old, and even though what happened to me was 40 years ago, I still can see the priests face, the touch of his hands, and the thought of how much trouble I will be in if I tell anyone of this. Then just when I thought it was safe to tell my parents some 30 years later, I was crushed by their response. I can still see my father with a stupid grin on his face saying "well you were never that smart, what did you do it for better grades ? ". I have with the help of my wife, and my faith in God have just started on a path of healing. I have been in counseling for 3 years now, which started when I tried to set myself on fire. Please dont' forget us, please every once in a while ,bring this topic up, dont forget. I am now and will always be in the healing process. I am blessed to have a wonderful wife,whith her love and Gods love I will be ok.
Max