• Alpha Geek: The most knowledgeable, technically proficient person in an office or work group. ("Ask Tom, he's the alpha geek around here.")

• Assmosis: The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.

• Beepilepsy: The brief seizure people sometimes have when their beeper goes off (especially in vibrator mode). Characterized by physical spasms, goofy facial expressions and interruption of speech in mid-sentence.

• Depotphobia: Fear associated with entering a Home Depot because of how much money one might spend. (Electronics geeks experience Shackophobia.)

• Flight Risk: Used to describe employees who are suspected of planning to leave a company or department soon.

• Irritainment: Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying, but you find yourself unable to stop watching them. The O.J. trials were a prime example.

• Percussive Maintenance: The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.

• Seagull Manager: A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, sh-ts over everything and then leaves.

• Uninstalled: Euphemism for being fired. Heard on the voicemail of a vice president at a downsizing computer firm: "You have reached the number of an uninstalled vice president. Please dial our main number and ask the operator for assistance." (Also known as Decruitment.)