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I have been on this site for almost five years and I have just as recently as this evening realized a very important lesson. You can not trust anyone. Feeling shift opinions change and a word spoken in anger or frustration may somewhere down the line morph into a whole new life you never intended it to have. So again no matter how careful you think you are mind the words that you say in public and private. Does anyone else have any thing to say?

Gold Member

Sorry to hear that, naughty. It's an unfortunate aspect of human nature, especially when, without having met each other, we remain almost one-dimensional, unable to accurately gauge tone or intent.

I always try and think about what my viewpoint is and why before I write it and to post it as respectfully as possible, and even if I disagree with someone I will do my best to not react out of hurt, frustrated, or angry feelings. Of course, there are always those who prefer emotional responses, become defensive when faced with more matter-of-fact ones, and who will react negatively to another's opinion no matter what.

I think in the end a person simply needs to stand by their convictions while being open to new information. Then it's a matter of being able to say that you have changed you mind because of x,y,and z.

Where ever you go, there are always those who feel the need to follow the crowd, to be considered "cool", and they will change their opinions accordingly. It's just who they are, and once you know who does it you are prepared for it.

Gold Member

My two cents for what it's worth is that betrayal of trust should only be considered if the betrayer had asked you to put your trust in them. Otherwise with regard to this medium, we are being naive and I have been as guilty of that as anyone.

I've got pretty thick skin..but its times when you realize others don't..or that they don't have a sense of humor- that you realize that some people are just too soft and take things personally...or too seriously. I guess I've learned that people are touchy...gotta handle them with care...especially the males. Therefore trust is an issue cause hey, you can't trust someone who is too childish to handle things in a civilized manner.

Gold Member

a word spoken in anger or frustration may somewhere down the line morph into a whole new life you never intended it to have.

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If you had an angry word for someone there must have been a good reason for it.I think if someone is dragging up ancient history to try to prove a point it's a sign of desperation and a sign they're losing whatever the argument is.
I don't think I've been too controversial in my time here and I haven't seen you involved in any slanging matches either.

Gold Member

I think if someone is dragging up ancient history to try to prove a point it's a sign of desperation and a sign they're losing whatever the argument is.

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There's been a fair bit of that here lately... I just can't believe people get so hung up on it. Mind you, I'm no different really IRL - once an argument has passed it is gone and I rarely feel the need to relive it. If only the same could be said of the people I have argued with

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There are a handful of people here that I feel that I could trust with my home/belongings, but theres a bigger crowd that I wouldn't confide in too much.

I don't know the details, but Im guessing somebody said something that didn't sit right.
People that have to "dig" are not happy with their own lives, therefore they prey on making other people feel as miserable as they are.

I've learned to refrain from wearing my heart on my sleeve in here, and i would recommend that advice to anyone.
I think we all get too deeply involved with the site, and loose touch of what it really is, just a chat site.
But, I will say that the site has changed, and not for the better.
There seems to be an influx of bullshitters running about, and lurkers that are only here to dig.
There's a lot of people that have left, And not because of the Big D issue either.

Gold Member

There's a lot of people that have left, And not because of the Big D issue either.

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Oh no, indeed - things were on the wane before that. It's been said to death, but I'll say it one more time - these online communities are so etheral (forgive the pun) - you can't expect it to stay the same. Even IRL no community / group stays the same for very long. Families grow and shrink, friendship come and go - groups of friends morph, developing and regressing, constantly. Just yesterday I met up with some old friends that used to be my life blood - we had fun and all but the physical distance between us has begat an emotional distance and, while I'd still kill or die for most of the daft bastards, I'll never be as close to them again.

Gold Member

naughty
I am sorry you have been felt to feel betrayed here. Not knowing details since you were so vague makes it hard to know jut what type of betrayal If it was a person giving a private message of yours to some one else that is one betrayal if it was a person telling some one who would not understand or approve that you are on this site that is another betrayal If it was a person who had pretended to be your friend and then took the side of another person who has it against you then that is another betrayal All betrayal is bad. When I am on the internet I trust no body completely since many people are fakes Look at the people who say theyre women and turn out are men and the men who say they have a 12 inch penis but never show pictures or show pictures which you see a dozen different penises and they are different size and shape and they lie and say they are their own. The internet is like politics it is not a place where there is much truth.

Once more I am sorry you got hurt by some body but do not let it rule or ruin your day.

Gold Member

of all the boards i have been on, i find the crowd here to be the most unforgiving. once you piss someone off, you are done, no matter who is wrong. you really need to take a hard look at your life if you cannot forgive.

on the flip side, there are some terribly interesting and smart people here. i miss the "old crowd" but am starting to feel like the influx of new peeps is not a bad thing.

i try to keep in mind something dr rock said once. "it's just the internet". it works most of the time, but not always.

don't sweat it, naughty. but agree. less info provided to others is better. it seems to always leak out. practice that in the future.

I have been on this site for almost five years and I have just as recently as this evening realized a very important lesson. You can not trust anyone. Feeling shift opinions change and a word spoken in anger or frustration may somewhere down the line morph into a whole new life you never intended it to have. So again no matter how careful you think you are mind the words that you say in public and private. Does anyone else have any thing to say?

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It's a sad situation indeed. This is why I'm brought to cutting people so often.

Since I think it was our series of pms that was the impetus for this thread, I think I know better than everyone else commenting here what you are talking about and can sympathize. I feel like I've learned the same lesson a dozen different times but I may always be surprised to discover just how seriously some people take this online world, just how easily some may have their feelings hurt, and just how quickly they will then twist that into a mean and spiteful response, as callous or more callous than whatever percieved slight or injustice they are responding to. When I'm just having dumb fun I'm sometimes blindsided by just how seriously some people take themselves or even how seriously some people take me. I'm also often amazed how so many publish things online apparently with the assumption that nobody else will ever read it, and how incredibly two-faced people can be.

Anyway, Kim, sorry if your feelings were hurt. Try not to let it bother you. Some people overreact whenever they imagine someone has done them wrong. The best thing to do with them I think is try to be understanding. Other people are just assholes to their core, sometimes you get a whiff early enough to not let them get to you, other times they can mask their scent for a while and after you get close they may squirt a bit. From now on maybe you can keep a safe distance.

Gold Member

I've never been hurt by anything that's happened on the net because I always keep in mind something I think is very important - no matter how deeply you think you know someone they're a stranger. You could pass the person you've spoken to every night for a month in the street and you probably wouldn't realise.

Gold Member

I have ... realized a very important lesson. You can not trust anyone.

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Like NIC, I know some of the background going on here, and I feel bad for the situation you're in. Some folks are just Douchebags On Purpose, and you have to learn to recognize DOPs for what they are.

I hope the anger and sadness you're feeling dissipate, and that you come to "unrealize" this lesson. You can trust people, I've found. And in the long run, the long-term reward of finding the gems out there who handle my trust respecfully, far outweigh the temporary setback of having it betrayed by a DOP.

Other people are just assholes to their core, sometimes you get a whiff early enough to not let them get to you, other times they can mask their scent for a while and after you get close they may squirt a bit. From now on maybe you can keep a safe distance.

Gold Member

Not knowing the background, I can't comment on the specific cause of your current feeling. I can only say that I learned a lot of stuff here in one year, some of which I tried to summarize here a couple of months ago.

I don't have your time in here, but I would disagree that you can't trust anybody as much as that it really hurts when someone who thought you could trust proves unworthy. It has happened to me a couple of times here, and more often IRL, and it sucks every time it happens.

Somehow, however, I am an optimist. Cynicism about everyone is too great a burden to carry for me.

I hope that you'll eventually realize that the number of disappointments (however much they hurt) is small compared to the number of folks who have proved honorable in the long run. The cost of extending your trust too easily is that you are occasionally let down, but the cost of never extending it is a lifetime without intimacy...

I'll take the pain, myself.

I hope, however, that yours is short and small. (Pain that is. I hope some other things are long and large. )