It seems that there could be many dynamics working here, and whether they include cheating and lying, it is very difficult to tell.

With six family members in your home, as parents you do have a lot of responsibility to each other and your children. This is something that you could use some professional counseling to break through the barriers you mention between you and your husband.

Life at home does not sound like a warm and nurturing place for your children to grow up, I can understand why you feel compelled to make some changes. Presenting this as an opportunity for more peace and happiness for everyone, would be the best way of presenting this idea, rather than with any suspicions, or blame.

We all can change, and with life always moving forward, it is necessary to always be ready to make changes to keep up with the flow of life. What worked 5 years ago, does not always work now.

It must be very hurtful to try so hard and be left feeling so alone and the recipient of so much anger and resentment. It sounds like both of you have some things to share with each other that could make things much better for everyone. You deserve to feel like a beloved wife, mother and family member. Try to use words about YOUR feelings, rather than accusations and suspicions. You may be very surprised at the source of his anger and actions.

Counseling does not have to be a forever thing..but it does sound in order here to get you both back on track.