Title: The Fanfic Formerly Known As.... Part 38
Author: Dark Day For Anime (Mark A Page)
Email: darkdayforanime@hotmail.com
ICQ: 9845111
IRC: DDFA on DALnet & Austnet #AJAS's
Fic Rating: Well and truly rated....
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The Fanfic Formerly Known As....
by MAPPY (aka DDFA)
Part Thirtyeight - And a WTF in a Pear Tree
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Scene: An office. Usagi is sitting at the desk, dressed in a
business suit, reading out aloud a book entitled "Chinese for
Advertising Women". There is a knock and she pauses, looking at the
door.
Usagi: Come in.
Chibiusa opens the window, steps in and sits down in the chair on
the opposite side of the desk as Usagi puts the book down, waiting
for the door to open. She then realises that Chibiusa is there and
turns to her.
Usagi: Ah. There you are, Usa.
Chibiusa: Chibiusa, ma'am.
Usagi: Shutup. I'd like to have a word with you, Usa.
Chibiusa: Chibiusa, ma'am.
Usagi: Shutup. Now I want to talk about your advertising
campaign for Tokyopop. Now, I've had the Editor
in Chief over this morning and he's unhappy. Very
unhappy. In fact he shot himself.
Chibiusa: Badly?
Usagi: No, extremely well, actually.
Usagi reaches down and lifts up Stu Levy's leg from behind the desk,
then holds up a sign that says joke, then puts both back down.
Usagi: Well, before he went, he left a note with the company
secretary....
Usagi opens up a large cupboard next to the desk and grabs the note
from the body of the company secretary as he falls to the floor.
Usagi: ....The upshot of which was how disappointed he was with
your work, and why you had changed the name of his
product from Tokyopop to Tokyopoop. Why Usa?
Chibiusa: Chibiusa, ma'am.
Usagi: Shutup. Why did you do it?
Chibiusa: Errr.... it was a joke.
Usagi holds up the joke sign again.
Usagi: A joke?
Chibiusa: Err, no. A sales campaign.
Usagi: I see.
Usagi puts down the sign and stands, stepping over to the wall where
there in a rather sick looking sales chart, with the line steadily
heading downwards.
Usagi: Well, lets look at the sales chart, shall we?
She points to the top of the line.
Usagi: When you took over this account, Usa, Tokyopop
was market leader. This was when you started
your first campaign, "Tokyopop brings new meaning
to the word vomit".
Usagi points to the next downward turn of the line.
Usagi: Here is where you made your introductory offer of a free
dead dog with every issue. And this followed your
second campaign in which you said "The exciting magazine
that brings you new cholera, mange, crabs, HIV, scabies,
syphilis, the clap and athletes head, from the House of
Tokyopop.
Chibiusa: It was a soft sell, ma'am.
Usagi sighs and sits back down.
Usagi: Why, Usa?
Chibiusa: Chibiusa, ma'am.
Usagi: Shutup! Well?
Chibiusa: Well, people know the name.
Usagi: They certainly do know the name, they burnt their
offices down this morning. The owner is hiding in my
bathroom.
There is a gunshot.
Usagi: The owner WAS hiding is my bathroom.
Chibiusa: You're not going to fire me, are you?
Usagi: Fire you!?!? Three men dead, the office burnt to the
ground, the account lost and our firm completely
bankrupt! What can you possibly say? What excuse can
you make for all of this?
Chibiusa: Sorry, Mama.
Usagi: Oh, well, that's alright then.
Usagi gets up and walks over to a wall, where she pulls down a small
projector screen.
Usagi; Oh, and by the way.... Your film's won a prize.
On the Screen: Haruka and Michiru, lying back on deckchairs by the
wall in Tokyo, dressed in swimsuits and shades, with a marquee
beside them, underneath which stand silent servants, waiting on
their beck and call.
Michiru: .....
Haruka: .....
Michiru: .....
Haruka: .....
Michiru: .....
Haruka: .....
Michiru: .....
Haruka: .....
Michiru: .....
Haruka: .....
Michiru: .....
Haruka: .....
Michiru: .....
Kenshin: Oro.....
Meanwhile, somewhere in the middle of nowhere, DDFA was about to
take on his greatest foe in a duel to the death.... Himself!
(Insert Stock Western Music in here as two DDFA's face each other
in the middle of nowhere).
DDFA1: Alright, ya yella bellied varmint. Go fer yer guns.
DDFA2: Why are you speaking in that silly voice?
DDFA1: I thought I'd get into the mood.
DDFA2: But this scene is plainly silly.
DDFA1: So is this fanfic. What's your point?
DDFA2: Wouldn't it be better if we talked this over?
DDFA1: What have you got to say that I don't already know?
DDFA2: I'm not wearing any underpants.
DDFA1: .....
DDFA2: .....
DDFA1: Alright, I didn't know that.
DDFA2: See! I can still surprise you.
DDFA1: Actually, the term "surprise" didn't really enter into
it. That's exactly what I'd expect from someone like
me.
DDFA2: You're just jealous that I thought of it first.
DDFA1: Am not.
DDFA2: Are so.
DDFA1: Am not.
DDFA2: Are so.
DDFA1: Look, I don't want to argue over this.
DDFA2: Yes you do.
DDFA1: Shutup! We've already done the Python ripoff.
DDFA2: Awwwww....
DDFA1: Anyway. It is time to deal with this situation. There
can be only one.
DDFA2: Stop the Highlander clich鳮
DDFA1: Listen, you're just asking for a punch up the conk.
DDFA2: Ah, now we see the violence inherent in the system.
DDFA1: How many times do I have to tell you.... Look, if we
don't get this scene over and done with, it'll be cut
back to the H&M scene.
DDFA2: Like how?
Meanwhile, back by the wall in Tokyo.
Haruka: .....
Michiru: .....
Haruka: .....
Michiru: .....
Haruka: .....
Michiru: .....
Haruka: .....
Michiru: .....
Haruka: .....
Michiru: .....
Haruka: .....
Michiru: .....
Haruka: .....
Michiru: .....
Haruka: .....
Michiru: .....
Haruka: .....
Michiru: .....
Haruka: .....
Michiru: .....
Haruka: .....
Michiru: .....
Haruka: .....
Michiru: .....
Haruka: .....
Michiru: .....
Haruka: .....
Sakura: HOEEEEEE!
Meanwhile, back in the middle of nowhere.
DDFA1: Like that.
DDFA2: Oh, I see.
END OF PART 38
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And now.... A message from InfamousSquall@aol.com....
"DO YOU HATE USAGI OR SOMETHING? ALL OF YOUR STORIES ARE BASED ON
HER DEATH. IF YOU DON'T LIKE THE MAIN FREAKIN CHARACTER OF SAILOR
MOON THEN QUIT WRITING STORIES ABOUT HER! DON'T WASTE YOUR TIME ON
STORIES NO ONE EVER BOTHERS READING."
Thanks Squallie. We'll be getting back to you about that. Over and
over and over again until you can take no more, and then we'll start
with the feather duster. ^_^
And so, will Tokyopop ever recover? Does anyone want them to
recover? WTF is going on with Usagi? Why is she alive in this
chapter when she is supposed to be dead. I mean, she dies in all of
my fics, right? Just ask Squallie. That's InfamousSquall@aol.com,
if you haven't taken note, yet. Of course, it IS AOL, so we all
know what to expect. Besides, it could be worse.... I could write
a grapefruit. Of course, I'll be sued by grapefruit farmers from
around the world. I'm surprised they haven't tried that against the
anime fanfiction community, already.... Then again, the grapefruit
shall probably take out their vengeance against us when we least
expect it.... Citrus are mean bastards when they want to be. You
should try dealing with the Tangerine Union! Mark Bolan did, and
look what happened to him. In his Mini, even. Anyway, very little
of this ramble has anything to do with the next chapter of "The
Fanfic Formerly Known As...." The fanfic approved by JingJing, and
she is not a cat to be messed with. I mean it. Really. Truly.
_________
/ @ \ MAPPY (The Right Dishonourable Mark A Page)
/ / ^ ^ \ \ ayanami@merlin.net.au
/ w \>\ "I saw his body thrashing round, I saw his
\/ \/ pulse rate going down, I saw him in
\___________/ convulsive throes, I said 'I'll have one of
/_/ \_\ PU those'."
(He'll Never Be An) Old Man River - TISM
TROGGLE 1.0 - 11.37 Sunday, 8th October 2000