Archive for October, 2006

I’ve decided to take a little break from posting. As of right now I am planning to resume with posts about my trip to England and Cardiff, either during (Nov. 10-20) or when I return.

Nothing is wrong, I’m just focused on a few other things right now, the trip included. I don’t know how much I’ll be reading other blogs, either, but I shall pop around a bit now and then. Please feel free to email me.

Last night I had a car load of stuff to unload at my mom’s. The problem was that it was absolutely pouring! I knew I wouldn’t want to do it when I got up in the morning, so I forced myself to make the 5 or so trips in the downpour.

I walked into the house dripping and was about to head upstairs to change when I thought to myself “I wonder…”

Instead of going upstairs I walked into the kitchen and stood in front of my mother. “It’s raining really hard out there,” I said. “Brrrrr, I’m freezing now!” *Drip drip* Then I waited.

My mom turned to look at me and exclaimed: “Get upstairs and get out of those wet clothes before you catch a cold!”

I smiled and headed upstairs, secure in the knowledge that some things never change, even if you are a month away from turning 30.

This was a hard, sad weekend for a few of my friends for different reasons. I’m praying for them and thinking about them every day. I know sometimes it’s hard to believe that the world could possibly keep on going and taking you along with it.

Last night I logged onto MSN messenger. My heart was immediately up in my throat and my hands froze, hovering (can one freeze and hover at the same time?) over the keyboard. CB was online. I had no idea what to do. I just…stopped.

I guess what was running through my head was: Is this going to be it? Our big conversation? Is he finally going to explain? Or maybe he’ll just start cursing at me. What if he doesn’t say anything at all? I don’t really want to say anything at all, but maybe I should. Does he still have me on his friends list? Can he see that I’m here?

It was for me the equivalent of that time you ran into your ex at the grocery store and just stared at each other and walked away.

He logged off. I resumed typing. And life marches on.

*Apologies to Jennie for stealing her title format. And that is a quote from the band The Fray…great album!

I’ve been feeling more like my old self lately for various reasons. Yesterday I briefly pondered the idea of online dating again, perhaps eharmony (my friend’s sister married someone she met on eharmony). But in the end I just couldn’t do it.

I’m not sure if I’ll ever be up for subjecting myself to the actual “dating” process again: The exchange of pictures that may or may not look like you or your date, the trite places to meet for the first time, the awkward conversations as you ask the same questions you asked another person last week and answer the same questions you’ve been asked a million times. At no other time do you have to keep explaining what you do at work, what your taste in music is, what hobbies you have, and how many siblings you claim than when you are dating. Just. Can’t. Do. It.

The question becomes then, is there a way to avoid this? Ideally, I guess, I’d begin a relationship with someone I already had a connection with. There’s a few people I’d consider for this but a) they are either taken or far away b) even if they weren’t I’m not sure they’d consider me a very good prospect. I am little hard to handle.

So I guess for now I’m still out of the game until one of the guys I already know comes to his senses. . .or takes leave of them, depending on how you look at it.

I wonder if human beings are the only species that purposefully terrify ourselves. Think about it, we watch horror movies, we ride amusement park rides, and this time of year, we go to haunted hayrides, haunted houses, even haunted prisons.

I shouldn’t really say “we” because, although I do love amusement park rides, I can’t participate in any of the halloweeny things that are around this time of year. In fact, the only one I might be talked into is a horror movie, and then only if it’s old school. I have a much too vivid imagination. It’s not that I’ve lost my grasp on reality–I know that they aren’t real. But they are meant to feel real and that works for me. Plus, to be perfectly honest, I’m not overly fond of the dark.

I find it interesting that the very things we are shocked and horrified by in the news on a daily basis, the things from which we hope to keep our friends and families safe, are the same things we will pay $20 to have someone pretend to do to us or $10 to watch done to other people. I’m not criticizing, I just find it an interesting phenomenon, and one that I personally cannot handle. Do you go to the various hauntings available this time of year? Do you pay to be scared? Why do you do it?

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Lori

A blog about my life and other stuff.

Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song,
A medley of extemporanea;
And love is a thing that can never go wrong;
And I am Marie of Romania.