Removing Chains Blogs

Blog: All That Sparkles

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... Sometimes is and isn\'t gold. All That Sparkles blog is dedicated to those of us that have been through \"stuff\". Whether you need a little self-check to be sure you\'re on a healthy path, a little push to get redirected, or motivation to continue moving forward, this blog is here for you.

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While All That Sparkles blog began out of the fertile mind of Survivor Stephanie March, its roots are deep from the heart of Removing Chains’ desire to motivate and inspire survivors of child abuse, human trafficking or bullying.

Last month I wrote about forgiveness after abuse. In keeping with that train of thought, I’d like to write about the apology many survivors of all types of abuse never receive. Would that apology make a difference? Would it somehow provide closure? Or would it simply reignite anger and hurt and seem insincere or not enough? Most of us will never know because abusers notoriously don’t admit to what they’ve done and fail to recognize the damage they have caused. They often go on and abuse other people, other children, at an alarming rate. Waiting for an apology, while deserved more than anything, can be torture in itself.

A while ago I learned that someone that abused me as a child passed away. I didn’t find out until months after the fact. I questioned family (those still in my life) and they said they knew nothing about it. I’m not sure what emotion I expected to have when I discovered this news. Relief, maybe. Some kind of joy because he could no longer harm children? Perhaps. But what I felt instead was anger bordering on rage.

I was angry that nobody told me he passed away. I was angry that he never faced jail time or true judicial consequences of any sort for what he did to me. I was angry that he continued to work in churches around children as a leader, as a pastor, long after he pled guilty and walked off with a misdemeanor. I was angry he wasn’t on any of the sex offender registries. And sure, I was angry for everything he did to me. But most of all? I was angry he never once apologized.

Someone recently asked me if I believe in forgiveness for those that have abused me or others. I write about abuse frequently enough that this is a question I am familiar with. It’s also one that has no easy or quick answer but I will try and tackle it here.

For many abuse victims the weekend can be a scary time. There is more time spent at home, more alcohol consumed, and more time spent with the abuser. All of this translates to what should be a couple days of relaxation away from school or work to a fearful couple of days trapped in a prison of a home instead.

Not every abuser consumes alcohol of course but the ones that do may tend to escalate their consumption on the weekends. This is bad news for children being abused and in homes where one of the parents are being abused. A scholarly article published by Case Western Reserve University Professor Megan R. Holmes, et al states:

The Grinch: How Abuse Stole Christmas

Today is a beautiful fall day in October. The leaves are changing, the temps are cooling, and everything pumpkin has invaded the stores. I love this time of year and Fall just might be my favorite season. I’d rather snuggle up in blankets and warm clothes than sweat it out any day of the year.

However, the holidays are not exactly something I get excited about. In fact, to be honest, I dread them. Before you stop reading this and assume I am a female Grinch please allow me to explain. I am a childhood abuse survivor.

Every Ten Seconds

By Stephanie March

Every ten seconds in America a child is abused or raped. One in three girls and one in six boys will be sexually abused by the age of seventeen. These statistics are not easy to stomach let alone wrap our minds around. The sheer magnitude of the number of children that have been harmed and will be harmed is shocking and difficult to think about. And that’s exactly why we must.

Live Out Loud

Let’s say you’re reading this because you have survived child abuse, human trafficking, domestic violence, sexual assault or any combination of trauma. You pulled yourself through the mud, through the fire, and are left standing with mental and emotional health issues that are unfair and staggering. Maybe you’re still in the middle of surviving it and looking for a way out and wanting to know what comes next.

Sometimes it’s hard to see past all of it and find the hope to go forward. After all, you’ve survived so much already. Nobody would blame you for wondering… so now what?

The Power of Persistence

Around the time that I was in the 4th grade I decided I would become an attorney when I grew up. I even knew what kind of attorney I planned on being: a District Attorney that prosecuted people that abused children, murderers, and batterers. Even at that age I wanted to protect other children and help make the world a better place.

And it didn't end at just being an attorney. I wanted my career to lead to being a Judge, then perhaps a Senator, so I could help change laws.

All That Sparkles

Three and a half years ago I embarked on a journey away from abuse and towards freedom. It has been a long road full of pain, surprises, and discoveries. I won’t lie to you and tell you it has been easy. Because it hasn’t. But I will tell you that, even when it seemed like it wasn’t, it has truly been worth it.

There are many factors that contributed to the kickstart of this journey. You could say it began in childhood with abuse, the decision to be with one toxic person after another, or the police that showed up at my house that final day. I believe all of that played a huge part but truly it began with a simple piece of paper handed to me by a concerned therapist.