“This time, the Futurists have gone too far! We simply cannot abide this remarkable affront to the natural order of our public page. It simply will not do!”

The Futurists have offered an apology:

“Dear fellows and ladies, we beg your acceptance of our most sincere regrets. A simple experiment involving a new form of matter, which we presently refer to as Not-matter, has somehow escaped our finest grade ceramic containers and taken to this page you hold in your hands.

“Rest assured, we shall heal this inter-dimensional rift with all due haste.”

“For a view through the looking-glass, as it were, please do try the Wayback Machine – it is quite safe. Nothing could possibly go wrong.”

Central Planning has just translated an important telegraphic communication from our Old World outposts in London, Prague, Milan and Kiev – SteamPunk Hockey HD (SPHHD) for iPad has launched a surprise assault upon the New World charts, in particular the Americas.

It is reported SPHHD is currently taken the high ground at #12 in Canada, and at #24 in the United States of the Americas. This is an unprecedented event with a most peculiar origin.

It is secondarily reported by anonymous sources close to the planners of this misfit event that the mission has its origins in a honest bet encouraged by several too many glasses of absinthe.

Both originating parties to the bet, a certain Ms. N____, a sophisticated lady of import in academic circles, highly renowned in literary and crafts fields, posited to a certain Mr. M____, a rather suspect gentleman (the label affixed rather loosely to the subject of said description) that it would be impossible to make a stone a seed, that is, make a success of this most uncertain gaming technology known to be so casual (and unknown) in nature.

Not one to be outdone by circumstance (and rumoured to be inspired by fancy of Ms. N____), Mr. M___ accepted the bet as a lark and thereafter removed all pricing from his prize SPHHD device.

Presently then we find ourselves caught up in momentous events with SteamPunk Hockey HD storming the iTunes Free charts of the Americas.

More news later as received by this office to be given immediate relay to you, the gentle reader.

Update: new telegraph states, SPH-HD has entered the Top 10 at #9 in the North Americas of Canada and United States Free/Games/Family shelves. Sources close to Mr. M___ state that all is proceeding according to exact absence of plan.

Engineering has reported the first successful around-the-earth transmission of an almost occultish nature, yet in fact is a first amongst the many technological triumphs of man.

We have successfully transported a series of moving images to the public square known casually as “You-Tubes”. Wherein our first positive results are confirmed by return signal, is the exact location of this new entertainment:

Central Planning is in a state of frenzied activity at the moment. The sudden influx of game players into SteamPunkHockeyopolis has turned the quaint village of Heigh-Dephanitian into a bustling seaport of culture and competition.

To support and interest our new arrivals, fellows in Mechanics are giving the standard paddle mechanism new upgrades, and Planning is remapping Heigh-D so as to unfetter traffic and rivalry.

The Futurists are nowhere to be seen, indicating they’ve recognized their time has come, and not a moment to lose!

Rest assured the cogwheels are in motion to deliver you, gentle player and SteamPunkHockeyoplian, new features and gameplay.

The possible future SteamPunkHockeyopolis village of Heigh-Dephanitian

As part of the New Year’s App Blowout (link) SteamPunk Hockey HD for iPad has made another appearance in the USA Games/Arcade and Games/Family categories of the App Store, and appears in the UK Canada charts.

Celebrating the holiday with a new iPhone or iPod Touch courtesy of Santa or another similarly charmed creature? Claim your free promo code for the victorian answer to modern-day plasticky air hockey!
Retina Display, Game Center. Reviewed by MacWorld, featured ‘New and Noteworthy by Apple 02/2010 Games section.

To win a free copy of SteamPunk Hockey for iPhone & iPod Touch via promocode, do the following:

Fans and Friends, we at Central Planning of SteamPunkHockeyopolis are proud to announce, at long last, an update to v1.6!

Our technicians have recrafted this exquisite yet simple game with the most modern of technologies, including:

* Retina Display support
* iOS4.2 compatibility
* Game Center support with LeaderBoards and 39 achievements
* New music courtesy of Morningdew Media
* Updated game frameworks including OpenFeint.
* Multiply button to increase/decrease number of particles.
* The Game Robot polls online leaderboards and updates your unlocked levels to match your highest score. If there are different scores on OpenFeint and Game Center, the highest will be saved to the device.
* New icon

Our artisans have re-crafted the backgrounds and images to be of lighter weight in the memory of the device, and scores are now saved after each level.

Those paying the bills at Central have apparently hit the festive ‘nog’ as they have ninja-slashed the price of SteamPunk Hockey 1.4 by 50% to celebrate this news. We think the pressure of waiting has driven a few screws loose over there.

The ponderous gentlemen at Logistics and Appearances insist we mention this is a maintenance update of the current game.

Our Futurists will have it known that new gameplay features are already in progress for the next update, and that it will have brought change to the calm streets of SteamPunkHockeyopolis.

Thank you and good tidings!

** update SteamPunk Hockey 1.6 with Retina Display and Game Center is now LIVE in the App Store **

Exotic artisans from various points east and west of the globe have generously provided new art for the theme-driven game. ‘Time Traveller‘ and the holiday-themed ‘SteamPumpkin Hallowe’en‘ round out the current offerings to six choice backgrounds.

The fellows in Mechanics have worked both over-time and magic into the iPad offering to produce a new ‘Huddle-phonic’ sensation – up to four players may compete on the iPad electrical device! Man against robot, man against fellow man, a gutter dust-up of two against one, or equal odds for the noble-hearted.

Mechanics have also added a ‘Lucid Re-configuration Circuit’ to redraw the screen as the device is rotated in-hand. Therefore SteamPunk Hockey may be played in any orientation, laterally or vertically.

Lest we forget, the Futurists will have left a note on Central Planning’s desks – how will they have done that? – that sea change is coming to SteamPunkHockeyopolis’ competitive features.

Central Planning reports yet more options to customize gameplay, including one to four discs at once and a special ‘hard bounce / soft bounce’ switch.

As always, level and score are saved across upgrades, and the fine fellows in Mechanicals have ensured that your pleasure can begin with the single touch of a button!

Innovative obstacles redirect the discs during gameplay to challenge expectations at each level. For those eager to collect OpenFeint Achievements, ‘unlocked’ levels may be replayed at will.

SteamPunk Hockey’s robotic intelligence has been adjusted to better protect its home goal territory against simultaneous discs, and appears to have ‘un-learned’ some unfortunate lessons as to which goal to score. A fine candidate for boarding school where there ever one to be seen.

Your reviews and support are readily and gratefully accepted by Central Planning, and our fellow Futurists are planning yet more intriguing game features for you, the gentle player.