Re: Mathematics jokes

If parallel lines meet at infinity - infinity must be a very noisy place with all those lines crashing together!

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Maths Teacher: Now suppose the number of sheep is x...Student: Yes sir, but what happens if the number of sheep is not x?

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Zenophobia: the irrational fear of convergent sequences.

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Philosophy is a game with objectives and no rules. Mathematics is a game with rules and no objectives.

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If I had only one day left to live, I would live it in my statistics class: it would seem so much longer.

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It is proven that the celebration of birthdays is healthy. Statistics show that those people who celebrate the most birthdays become the oldest. -- S. den Hartog, Ph D. Thesis Universtity of Groningen.

*****************************************************Q: Why did the 30-60-90 triangle marry the 45-45-90 triangle?A: They were right for each other.

Re: Mathematics jokes

A mathematician decides he wants to learn more about practical problems. He sees a seminar with a nice title: "The Theory of Gears." So he goes. The speaker stands up and begins, "The theory of gears with a real number of teeth is well known ..."

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When a statistician passes the airport security check, they discover a bomb in his bag. He explains. "Statistics shows that the probability of a bomb being on an airplane is 1/1000. However, the chance that there are two bombs at one plane is 1/1000000. So, I am much safer..."

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What is the difference between a Psychotic, a Neurotic and a mathematician? A Psychotic believes that 2+2=5. A Neurotic knows that 2+2=4, but it kills him. A mathematician simply changes the base.

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Q: What will a logician choose: a half of an egg or eternal bliss in the afterlife? A: A half of an egg! Because nothing is better than eternal bliss in the afterlife, and a half of an egg is better than nothing.

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A physicist has been conducting experiments and has worked out a set of equations which seem to explain his data. He asks a mathematician to check them. A week later, the mathematician calls "I'm sorry, but your equations are complete nonsense." "But these equations accurately predict results of experiments. Are you sure they are completely wrong? "To be precise, they are not always a complete nonsense. But the only case in which they are true is the trivial one where the field is Archimedean..."

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A mathematician belives nothing until it is provenA physicist believes everything until it is proven wrongA chemist doesn't care.biologist doesn't understand the question.

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An engineer and a topologist were locked in the rooms for a day with a can of food but without an opener. At the end of the day, the engineer is sitting on the floor of his room and eating from the open can: He threw it against the walls until it cracked open. In the mathematician's room, the can is still closed but the mathematician has disappeared. There are strange noises coming from inside the can... When it is opened and the mathematician crawls out. "darn! I got a sign wrong..."

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A mathematician has spent ten years trying to prove the Riemann hypothesis. Finally, he decides to sell his soul to the devil in exchange for a proof. The devil promises to deliver a proof in the four weeks. Half a year later, the devil shows up again - in a rather gloomy mood. "I'm sorry", he says. "I couldn't prove the hypothesis either. But" - and his face lightens up - "I think I found a really interesting lemma..."

It is no good to try to stop knowledge from going forward. Ignorance is never better than knowledge - Enrico Fermi.

Nothing is better than reading and gaining more and more knowledge - Stephen William Hawking.

A Dozen, a Gross and a Score,plus three times the square root of four,divided by seven, plus five times eleven,equals nine squared and not a bit more.

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A student wrote letter to his home:

Dear Dad!This $chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. Mathematic$, a$tronomy, and economic$ are the $ubject$ I like. With all my $tuff, I $imply can't think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a po$t card, a$ I would love to $ee $ome word$ from you.

$end it to me $oon,Your $on.

A week later he received a letter from home:

Dear Son!I kNOw that trigoNOmetry, astroNOmy, and ecoNOmics are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and kNOw that NO one can ever learn eNOugh.

Love,Your NOt so kNOwledgeable Dad.

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What is "pi"?

Mathematician: Pi is the ratio of circumference of a circle to its diameter.

Engineer: Pi is about 22/7.

Computer Programmer: Pi is 3.141592653589 in double precision.

Nutritionist: You one track math-minded fellows, Pie is a healthy and delicious dessert!

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Three men are in a hot-air balloon. Soon, they find themselves lost in a canyon somewhere. One of the three men says, "I've got an idea. We can call for help in this canyon and the echo will carry our voices far."

So he leans over the basket and yells out, "Hellllooooo! Where are we?" (They hear the echo several times).

Two minutes later they hear this echoing voice: "Hellllooooo! You're lost!!"

One of the men says, "That must be a mathematician." Puzzled, one of the other men asks, "Why do you say that?"

He replies: "For three reasons. (1) he took a long time to answer, (2) he was absolutely correct, and (3) his answer was absolutely useless."

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Several students were asked the following problem:

Is it true that all odd integers are prime?

Well, the first student to try to do this says "hmmm... Well, 1 is prime, 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime and by induction, we have that all the odd integers are prime."

The physics student then said, "I'm not sure of the validity of your proof, but I think I'll try to prove it by experiment." He continues, "Well, 1 is prime, 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is ... uh, 9 is an experimental error, 11 is prime, 13 is prime... Well, it seems that that all odd integers are prime."

The third student to try it was the engineering student, who responded, "Well, actually, I'm not sure of your answer either. Let's see... 1 is prime, 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is ..., 9 is ..., standard deviation, 11 is prime, 13 is prime... Well, it does seem that all odd integers are prime."

Not to be outdone, the computer science student comes along and says "Well, you guys sort'v got the right idea, but you'd end up taking too long doing it. I've just whipped up a program using a "do loop" to REALLY go and prove it..." He runs his computer program. The computer responds, "1 is prime, 1 is prime, 1 is prime, 1 is prime, 1 is prime...."

It is no good to try to stop knowledge from going forward. Ignorance is never better than knowledge - Enrico Fermi.

Nothing is better than reading and gaining more and more knowledge - Stephen William Hawking.

Re: Mathematics jokes

Hi ganesh;

Post 266 joke 3 is inspiring.

Can you please give me a polynomial ring so that I can propose my favorite girl?

'And fun? If maths is fun, then getting a tooth extraction is fun. A viral infection is fun. Rabies shots are fun.''God exists because Mathematics is consistent, and the devil exists because we cannot prove it'I'm not crazy, my mother had me tested.