Story One: Man arrested for giving wicked wedgies, or snuggies, or melvyns, or whatever you call pulling the underwear over a nerd's head.

Story Two: Fifty Year Old School Teacher Gets Tanked on Cheap Wine, wrecks her van, offers to blow the cop if he lets her go.

Florida, I love you. You're just so fun!

Story #1:
Charles Ross is known for orchestrating outrageous pranks and posting them to Youtube. But this time, the 18-year-old prankster may have gone a step too far.

Ross was arrested for battery Sunday night after he allegedly gave a series of wedgies to moviegoers outside the Carmike Royal Palm 20 in Bradenton, Fla., while a friend filmed the prank, the Bradenton Herald reports.

The underwear prank, which Gawker calls a "wedgie spree," ended badly for Ross when a 20-year-old male victim reported to authorities that Ross grabbed him "by the back of his pants and pulled them up hard," according to the Smoking Gun. Although other victims of the schoolyard prank also came forward, the 20-year-old is the only one seeking charges.

On his Youtube channel, Ross has uploaded video footage of him performing a variety of pranks -- from doing handstands over people to trying out pick-up lines -- but the latest in his compilation is by far one of his most hands-on public displays.

According to the police report obtained by the Smoking Gun, Ross challenged the male victim following the wedgie, "asking if he wanted to hit him."

The Mantee County Sheriff's Office arrested Ross and detained him overnight. He was released on $750 bail, records show, and his court date is set for Feb. 14.

Though Ross' wedgie spree was meant in jest, this is not the first time someone has been arrested for doling out the uncomfortable underwear gag. In 2006, an Albany, N.Y., teacher was arrested for endangering the welfare of a child after allegedly giving a 10-year-old student a wedgie during summer school.

Story #2:
'A' for effort?
Middle school math teacher Mary Maloney allegedly offered oral sex to a police officer after being nabbed for a hit-and-run in Palm Beach County, Fla.

Maloney, 53, was arrested Sunday after she crashed her van into a pickup truck around 8:35 p.m., then took off, according to an arrest report obtained by the Sun Sentinel. A witness to the crash tracked Maloney's car to a parking spot and then called police.

The arresting officer said he found an empty gallon jug of wine behind Maloney's driver's seat and "immediately smelled the strong odor of an alcoholic beverage emitting from her person," according to WPTV. The report states that her eyes were glassy, bloodshot, and partially closed.
The officer that drove Maloney to the police station noted that she asked him "How much do I need to pay you to just let me go? Don't you understand I am a school teacher?"

She then allegedly offered to perform oral sex on him and allow him to fondle her breasts.

Maloney was charged with driving under the influence, leaving the scene of a crash with damage, resisting an officer without violence, driving with a suspended license and attempted bribery of a public servant.

A seedy incident involving papayas and bare buttocks has led to the arrest of a woman in Vero Beach, FL.

Suzanne Wasden, 49, was due in court Tuesday morning to respond to allegations that she pummeled an ex-boyfriend with papayas on March 10 and exposed her bottom to him along with a 16-year-old male.

When Vero Beach police responded to a disturbance that day, they said they were met by a "very intoxicated" Wasden, whose pants were partially down and whose derriere was partially exposed, TCPalm.com reported.

According to a police affidavit, Wasden said the ex-boyfriend came to her home "looking for birthday sex."

Wasden's 16-year-old neighbor said that Wasden had come to his trailer earlier in the evening “wanting a cigarette and beer,” and started screaming when he didn't oblige. She then allegedly began hitting the boyfriend, pushed him into some glass and started throwing papayas at both of them, RawStory.com reported.

__________________
"Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father ... And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity."

"If the people let government decide what foods they eat and what medicines they take, their bodies will soon be in as sorry a state as are the souls of those who live under tyranny." - Thomas Jefferson

A Florida woman is accused of attacking her husband, then attempting to burn down her kitchen in an attempt to go "out in a blaze of glory."

Michelle Diane Fowler Osteen Bedillion, 46, allegedly hit her husband, Carlos Bedillion in the head with a heavy picture frame around 9 p.m. Sunday in their Dunellon home, according to a news release from the Marion County Sheriff's Office.

Carlos Bedillion, also 46, called police. His wife then allegedly threw a computer printer and hit him in the back.

The man fled the house and told police that from outside, he could see his wife pour cooking oil all over the kitchen before setting it on fire. He ran back inside and put the fire out, and Michelle Bedillion ran out of the house and into some nearby woods.

When deputies found her later on, they say she told them that her husband "deserved whatever he got." When they asked why she started a fire, she said, "I was going out in a blaze of glory."

Suzanne Lee Kraus, 41, was arrested Monday and accused of obtaining painkillers by forging prescriptions for her deceased pet.

Kraus was an employee of Floresta Animal Hospital in Boynton Beach, Fla. from September 2010 to September 2012, the Sun Sentinel reported. Police say she stole veterinary prescription sheets, and between July and November 2012, she used the sheets to write out fake prescriptions for her dog, Higgins, who had been dead for about nine months.

Investigators say the forged prescriptions, which were made out to "Higgins Canine Kraus," allowed Kraus to obtain 240 Hydrocodone and Acetaminophen pills, WPTV reported.

The investigation into Kraus began when a pharmacist called the vet's office to confirm the prescription. The vet informed the pharmacist that her prescription pad had been stolen and the prescription was a fraud, according to WPBF.

Deputies say Kraus told them she needed pain medicine but could not afford it because of her lack of insurance.

She was charged with petty theft, obtaining a controlled substance by fraud, fraud in obtaining prescription drugs and uttering a forgery.

Dance like no one is watching . . . unless, you know, the cops are watching.

Florida police responding to a single-car crash Wednesday morning say they found a 34-year-old stoned on a combination of marijuana and formaldehyde, and dancing naked in the street in Orange County, the Orlando Sentinel reported.

"The man, he was naked. Nothing on, I mean nothing,” witness Trudy Lane told CF News 13. “He had the music in the car playing real loud and he was whamming, whamming on the car, like he was beating to the sound of the music.”

A Florida Highway Patrol trooper and two Orange County deputies were overwhelmed by chemical fumes coming from the cabin of Felix Lockett's car, WFTV reported.

"Upon entering the vehicle, they started feeling ill - nausea, headache, vomiting. A couple of other deputies were on scene to assist that trooper. All three were transported to the hospital," Orange County Fire Department spokesman John Mulhall told the station.

What made the cops retch was apparently what made Locket disrobe and bust a move.

Officials determined that the offending chemical was formaldehyde. Lockett allegedly admitted that he had been smoking marijuana laced with the preservative found in many biology classes.

According to CF News 13, Lockett has been charged with driving under the influence.

Sheriff's deputies say that an 84-year-old shot pepper-spray at a security guard during a retirement community bingo event in central Florida, WESH reported.

The guard, 67-year-old Michael Burke, told investigators that he used crates to reserve two handicapped parking spaces for women attending the game. Other handicapped spaces were open and available, yet Donald Handa set his sights on the ones Burke had saved, according to Click Orlando.

Burke said Handa moved the crates, then parked his car and headed toward the building. It is unclear whether Handa had a handicapped sticker on his vehicle.

When Burke tried to stop Handa and get him to move his car, he says Handa whipped out a can of pepper spray and sprayed him with it.

Marion County Sheriff's deputies say Handa told them that he'd had problems with Burke for two weeks, and sprayed him because he felt threatened when Burke started chasing after him.

Burke admitted that the two had squabbled recently. He chose not to press charges.

According to a report obtained by Click Orlando, Handa agreed to "leave the parking spot vacant for the less fortunate" in the future.

Seriously though, don't get between a senior citizen and his or her bingo game.

In March, a teen was arrested after falsely yelling "Bingo" at a Kentucky bingo parlor, and was ordered to not even say the word for six months.

The month before, an all-out brawl erupted at a New Hampshire bingo game when a woman selling beauty products was disrupting the event.

A Florida man and his mom are behind bars after he used a frying pan a machete to threaten -- and possibly injure -- his twin brother, according to a Flagler County Sheriff's Office release.

Daniel Goggans, 27, and his brother Franklin were reportedly arguing outside their home Tuesday morning when Daniel approached with a frying pan. Franklin (not pictured) tried to leave in his truck, but Daniel allegedly climbed onto the hood and tapped the windshield with the frying pan. He then leaped off and grabbed a machete, threatening to Franklin that he was going to "cut him up," the release states.

That's when Franklin reportedly grabbed a handgun and pointed it in Daniel's direction, apparently in self-defense. He pointed the gun at the ground and fired it two times.

When cops arrived, Franklin said he may have accidentally shot Daniel in the foot. Daniel had an injury, but wouldn't tell cops where he got it.

That's when the pair's mother, 55-year-old Lajuana Goggans, stepped in. She allegedly denied any shots were fired and interfered with police, so they arrested her and Daniel. Daniel was charged with domestic violence assault.

Florida Department of Law Enforcement officers arrested 51-year-old John Shearen of Leesberg, Florida on Thursday on charges of possession and distribution of child pornography. According to Orlando’s WFTV Channel 9, police found Shearen to be in possession of between 500,000 and 1 million full-length pornographic films featuring minor children.

Police called Shearron the largest downloader and distributor of child pornography in Florida and with 15 counts of child pornography possession and 15 counts of child pornography distribution. He was booked into Lake County Jail without bond.

Shearon was at his basement computer downloading still more images of exploited children when police burst into his Leesburg, Florida apartment and took him into custody. Agents identified Shearon in March while monitoring activity on child pornography websites and have been tracking him since then.

FDLE Special Agent Jeff Duncan told WFTV, “We were able to seize anywhere from 500,000 to one million images and videos. They were stored on several computers and external hard drives to actually being transferred from the computers to separate DVDs, and he has a DVD collection of child pornography. So, we have a lot of work to do. Those initial cases will be charged today.”

Duncan said that more charges may be added as the investigation progresses.

“He is the No. 1 person that can distribute child pornography throughout the world,” he said. “And he’s been doing it.”

Investigators plan to talk to all parents living in or around Shearen’s apartment complex to find out if further crimes were committed and ensure the safety of local children.