Narcissistic Observations of the World that Revolves Around Me

*Warning: This post contains a liberal sprinkling of the ‘eff’ word. I can’t help it. I’m excited.

Okay, I wanna know if this happens to other people.

I have this little problem. See, music is pretty important to me.

I am fiercely loyal to a handful of artists, and when one of them releases a new single…I nearly fucking pee my pants. I mean, it’s really fucking bad. I frequently hop up and down clapping my hands like a four-year-old. Sometimes this is accompanied by adrenalized laps around the room, with stunts added to accommodate the furniture. The giddiness and pleasure comes like a heroin rush. I have come close to hyperventilation and loss of consciousness. I sometimes get so fucking happy, tears are produced. I get wild urges to phone everyone I know to let them know that, say, The Cure has a new single (which, considering they have been releasing singles for 31 years now, could become wearisome if I did not have the fucking amazing powers of self-restraint that I obviously have).

Sometimes a new single is released along with special surprises – like right now, I’m all a-fucking-tingle because I just heard the new song by The Killers (my second favourite of all time, right after The Cure…which is kind of funny if you think about it – The Killers/The Cure…alright, don’t think about it. I digress.) The video for this new single (‘Human’) is not only THE AWESOMEST EVER (okay, just so you know, I say this about every single song of theirs I’ve ever heard, so you may want to take this with a grain of salt), but it ALSO reveals that BRANDON FLOWERS’ FACE IS BACK!!!!

I am beyond myself. I am fucking drunk with joy.

If you are familiar with The Killers, then you know they started off all pretty and shit. But then Flowers started wearing bolo ties and sporting the Deadwood ‘stache. Which didn’t affect the music at all, and to tell the truth, I was just starting to get used to it and was even kind of starting to find him sexy in spite of it (or…because of it? Ew…)

But he’s shaved!!! His pretty face is back! (Why don’t people carry smelling salts anymore? I may not be wearing a corset, but with these musicians out there just throwing crap like this at me at random, how the hell am I supposed to cope??)

I mean, what’s not to love about these guys? They write funny Christmas songs that weirdly comment on society, like ‘Don’t Shoot Me, Santa’, they don’t take themselves too seriously (even when they’re being serious), they perform anti-Bush songs with the iconic Lou Reed, they are named after a New Order video (again, what’s not to love about New Order?), they covered a Joy Division song and pulled it off, and they have a good beat and you can dance to them. They even have public fights with Fall Out Boy! (Take it easy – I actually quite like Fall Out Boy, too. But it’s still pretty funny. And don’t start with the flame mail – I know you’ve got your secret dirty pleasures as well. You probably sing ‘Copa Cabana’ in the shower every morning.)

Also, if you want to know what the inside of my head looks like – I mean, really want to know (you may want to give this one a good, hard think) – watch their video for ‘Mr. Brightside’ (the new version, not the original). Seriously – the drama, the colours, the glitter, the pretty dresses, the dancing, the fireworks, the hot musicians. It’s even got a fucking fog machine. It’s like they sucked my dreams right out of my mind.

They are just so fucking wonderful.

I have to go download the new tune now and switch my MP3 player from ‘shuffle’ to ‘repeat’. Over….and over….and over….