Weekend Warrior

Your definitive guide to the next 48 hours

By Kirk Miller

Share This

29 July 2016

Welcome to Weekend Warrior, your comprehensive weekend agenda.

Had enough of politics for the time being? After sitting through two marathon conventions, we could definitely use a breather.

To wit: getting out on the water (just wait till you see the ingenious canoe we found), wooing a beautiful woman (with some advice from one we love) and attempting to make something we like to call the bacon bourbon bagel burger.

OK, and maybe picking up one of these babies in case the election goes the wrong way and we need to bug out.

But first, a little distraction.

FRIDAY

5:00 P.M.Punch out. If you ignored your civic duties over the past two weeks and tuned out the convention coverage, The Ringer’s Keeping It 1600 Podcast has done a great job summing things up. Rip a few episodes for your commute.

5:01 P.M.Scratch that. Before you leave, watch this video of an awesome dad pulling an awesome-but-also-really-touching birthday prank on his kid.

7:00 P.M.Look around house. “This place is a hellhole,” you think. No, this is a this is a Hellhole. Forget the newly released Blu-ray and just relish the two-minute trailer. It’s an ‘80s hat trick of political incorrectness, excessive nudity/violence and seemingly child-scribbled dialogue (“Once they take you to Hell, you don’t never come back”).

11:01 A.M.Oh, right. You need something to do outside. Given the heat, we recommend getting on a boat. Don’t have one? Try this origami folding canoe for two. Just be careful out there: a mysterious brain-eating amoeba is currently on the loose in some of our country’s best whitewater playgrounds.

7:00 P.M.Get ready for that date you’re going on with that totally stunning and fascinating person you met last night via your new dating app (HA!). Don’t know what to wear/where to go/what to talk about? No sweat. Up-and-coming model/music producer Eva Shaw has some words of advice on all the above.

SUNDAY

5:00 A.M.Insomnia strikes. “I wonder what bikini models would look like as Impressionist paintings?” you wonder. Here’s the answer.

12:00 P.M.The NFL is nearly back … but this year’s real football inspiration arrives courtesy of Gleason, the new documentary (opening this weekend) about former New Orleans Saints defensive back Steve Gleason and his fight against MLS, which he documents through personal video journals. It’s OK to cry.

11:10 P.M.Get woken up by a spammer blowing up your mobile phone. Remember the days when your cell was safe from this?! Google does. That’s why they just launched a new technology that protects you from it.