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When children are encouraged to make choices, it can help them feel empowered - that they have some control over their lives. However, are all choices really choices? Do we, as parents, grasp for the ‘choice’ parenting tool because it is quicker and easier than the alternatives, and because we feel better about offering our child options, rather than look for a reason for their behaviour? Is giving a child a ‘choice’ the same as giving them a ‘say’ in their lives?

Is sibling conflict and rivalry one of the constant stressors of your life as a parent? Do you tear your hair out with frustration as you hear your children yell at each other, yet again? Are you overwhelmed by the thought of holidays, and the seemingly inevitable squabbling siblings? Or perhaps you simply wish to enhance the relationship your children already have, to enable them to love and support each other throughout their lives?

Read on to see how you can assist your children to resolve their own conflicts, and help them develop a sibling relationship of respect and empathy, using effective communication skills. The article includes an example to help illustrate the steps being put into practice.

Are you a parent (or carer) who has just read a new parenting book, or completed a parenting course such as Parent Effectiveness Training (P.E.T)? You may be full of ideas on implementing the new skills you’ve just learned. You’re hopeful that things will change immediately: that the household will become calmer; that you’ll yell less; that the kids will respond positively to your I-Messages; and you have a new way to encourage self-discipline. What you don’t expect is any resistance from your child when you apply these skills.

Three words: take them seriously - could provide your parenting (and relationship) foundation for life. Being taken seriously is a fundamental human need – adult and child. Hugh Mackay, respected Australian social researcher and author, states in his book The Good Life: “the desire to be taken seriously . . . is the most pervasive of all our social desires”. He says, “We each want our unique role . . . to be recognised. We each want our voice to be heard" (my emphasis). Children want, and need, to be heard too - as much as adults. How often do we hear the voice of our child? And how would they feel if we took them seriously?

Blog post by Larissa Dann. 10th September 2014 Image used under license from Shutterstock

The respectful communication skills taught in Parent Effectiveness Training (P.E.T.) are universal, and can be used in a range of interpersonal encounters – work, friends – and family. This article reminds us to use these communication skills with our parents, and is a reflection of my own experience - including a story of dementia. An uplifting observation by my daughter illustrates the importance of setting the example (modeling) for our children.

‘I’m proud of you!’ How often do we utter this common parenting phrase, in moments of pleasure at our child’s latest achievement? With the best of intentions, we want to let our children know of our pride in their accomplishment.

However – what messages might our children actually hear? What do they perceive - when a parent (or teacher) says ‘I’m proud of you’?

Narcissism seems to be the topic of the day. But what is narcissism? And (the big question) - can this personality disorder be prevented? Could a mutually respectful parenting approach reduce the prevalence of narcissism in our society, and instead help our children grow up as empathic, nurturing human beings?

In the thought-provoking book The Life of I – the New Culture of Narcissism,the author, Anne Manne, explores theories and history around narcissism. Within the many take-home messages threaded throughout the book, it is parenting practice, and the prevailing society in which that practice takes place, that Manne identifies as the primary influence on whether a child becomes narcissistic.

Here, I try to summarise her conclusions, then look to possible solutions to prevent children becoming narcissitic adults.

One of the best aspects of teaching this course is that I am fortunate to meet the most amazing people. Parents and carers come to the course for a myriad of reasons - some want to find new skills for parenting, while others may be struggling in this most difficult, yet unappreciated, role. Attending a group focused on parenting allows people to safely share the joys, and difficulties, of being a parent.

Word of mouth is one of the main ways parents find out about the P.E.T. course that I teach. I am touched that participants enjoy the course so much that they espouse its value to their friends and relatives. Here are a couple of email enquiries that came my way recently (with identifying information removed): "Hi Larissa. We have heard really good things about your PET course and were keen to find out more/enrol for the next course in May"; and "Hi - my friend has sung the praises of your course and I want to find out more".

Disclaimer: The articles, blogs, testimonials and P.E.T. stories on the Parent Skills website are posted only as opinion or ideas, and are general in nature. Posted articles do not constitute advice or recommendations. The administrator suggests obtaining professional advice on any concerns (including medical or psychological) the reader may hold regarding their children, themselves, or others. The administrator takes no responsibility for any action or outcome a reader may make as a result of reading a post. The reader alone is responsible for any action they take as a result of reading this website.

About Us

Larissa is passionate about the skills taught in Effectiveness Training. She is an accredited and highly experienced P.E.T. facilitator, with over 1000 parents completing the course with her. She continually updates her course with new examples and relevant material from the latest research. Larissa's writing has been published in Huffington Post Australia, Early Childhood Australia's blog 'The Spoke'; Her Canberra, Gordon Training International blog, and Generation Next blog.