a big bag of sneers

Old Earth Is Hell Earth

Celebrated white supremacist H.P. Lovecraft wrote about the old ones living beyond us, indifferent to us, sometimes delighting in destroying us. Those great, old ones were from beyond the stars. Why invent those things, though, when you can just look in the dirt or deep under the ocean waves?

It seems like all of the scariest and ugliest animals are the ones who have been around longest without evolving much. It’s like there was a period when Earth was an actual Hell where every living being was a demon.

Harvestmen, coelacanths, horseshoe crabs, crocodiles, sharks, velvet worms, nautili, house centipedes, jellyfish, fleas. If any of those aren’t revolting to your sense of what’s decent and should be allowed to exist above Hell, think about it for a while. Look at pictures of their eyes if they have any eyes. If they don’t have eyes, think about that.

The 450 million year stare.

We’re used to seeing crocodiles, but that’s the second greatest trick the Devil ever pulled. A crocodile is scarier than any fictional, dry-skinned monster. All old, wet animals are scarier than any fictional, wet monsters. Don’t believe me? Spend a few hours looking at image results for deep sea creatures.

Why does this world have immortal demons who will make perfect copies of themselves forever while the good, cute animals keep dying off or changing? This is how we know that dinosaurs were probably fluffy with feathers and had big adorable eyes. Dinosaurs probably resembled ten meter tall ferrets and Satan hurled a comet onto the planet in disgust.

Very hard truths in this article.

Will the good animals who change instead of dying off stop changing once they get perfectly hideous? Is that the secret to immortality? Get as disgusting and terrifying as possible and Satan will bless you with eternal life? Are humans going to become extinct, or will we keep mutating until we attain a perfect hideousness — enough for Satan to bless us?

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