Help! I Can't Get My Teen Out of Bed in the Morning Without Shouting and Drama!

I have to scream every morning to get my 16-year old daughter up for school. She stays up too late and is always tired. Any suggestions?

This question has two parts. The first is about the age-old problem of getting kids up in the morning and out the door in time for school. Regardless of their age, most children don't bounce out of bed to catch the bus because they'd rather stay home!

Despite our well-intentioned lectures about the importance of education, or our desire to motivate our youngsters to be enthusiastic students, kids are biased toward having fun as much as possible, and, for many of them, it's just more fun to stay home.

That's not to say that once they're at school, our children don't have a good time playing with friends and learning new things. It just means that to a sleepy child, the pull is strong to stay in that cozy, comfy bed as long as possible!

Rather than resorting to threats, bribes and general hysteria to light a fire under that slow-moving youngster of yours, focus on waking her and her groggy brain up without relying on drama and shouting to get her adrenalin pumping. Bring her a protein smoothie or an apple slice to kick-start her system when you wake her up. Turn on energetic music to help your daughter shift out of her foggy state. Some kids like it when you inject a bit of fun into the morning routine, having them eat breakfast with their left hand (if they're right handed), or holding a contest to see who can make it to the car first -- with shoes, backpack, lunch and homework in tow.

But your teen may not respond favorably to games, especially if she's tired, which adolescents usually are. The lure of Facebook and the magnetic pull of the online world -- not to mention late night cell phone chats and texts -- keep our kids up much later than is healthy, given the early hour they have to awaken for school.

Help your daughter find a meaningful incentive. Does she care about her grades? She will, if she's motivated to get into a particular college. Help her see the link between missing part of class and getting a lower grade. Or, perhaps the two of you can invent a motivator -- something she can remind herself of in the morning when she's tempted to hit the snooze button. Often, something relatively insignificant can work -- the promise of her favorite dinner on Friday night if she gets to school on time all week, or an extra hour added to her Saturday night curfew.

But the most important element of your question is the fact that your daughter, like most of her peers, is tired all the time. Teenagers should get vastly more sleep than they typically get. They need between 8 ½ and 9 ¼ hours, but most of them average just 6 ½ hours.

And, because of hormone activity and biorhythms, most adolescents don't feel sleepy until 11 p.m., or even midnight, which spells disaster when school starts between 7:30 a.m. and 8 a.m. In 1996, Edina High School in Minneapolis changed its start time from 7:30 a.m. to 8:30 a.m. and noticed a significant difference in students' performance. But inadequate sleep impacts more than just grades; it can contribute to mood swings, car accidents, illness and behavior problems.

What can you do? Instead of trying to force your daughter to unplug earlier, set a quiet tone in the evening for the whole family, turning off computers and opening books, pulling out colored pencils or playing music. Create unwinding rituals that gently help her body shift out of the stimulated state it's in when the TV or computer is on. If need be, establish a time when the Internet router and cell phones are turned off.

Even if you do manage to get your daughter to go to sleep earlier, however, don't expect her to cheerfully leap out of bed when you tell her it's time to rise and shine, and don't take her grouchiness personally. She is, after all, a teenager, and no matter how much sleep she gets, she'll almost always want to stay in that cozy bed to catch a few more zzzs.

AdviceMama, Susan Stiffelman, is a licensed and practicing psychotherapist and marriage and family therapist. She holds a Bachelor of Arts in developmental psychology and a Master of Arts in clinical psychology. Her book, Parenting Without Power Struggles, is available on Amazon. Sign up to get Susan's free parenting newsletter.

AOL Answers is no longer available.

As AOL continues to grow and evolve we are taking necessary actions to ensure our efforts and resources are
focused on the areas where we can create the maximum amount of value for our loyal consumer base. As a result
we have decided to sunset AOL Answers. Thank you for your participation in this site. If you have an AOL-related
question (passwords, account information, etc.), please visit our AOL Help site at help.aol.com.

TheTalkies:RelatedVideos

Yolanda Foster's 17-Year-Old Daughter Arrested for DUIBella Hadid got herself into some trouble. The 17-year-old daughter of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills star Yolanda Foster and ex-husband Mohamed Hadid was arrested by police early Tuesday morning for DUI, E! News confirms. The aspiring model was taken in after getting pulled over and given a breathalyzer test, where she allegedly blew a .14 - almost double the limit.

Mother Mourns Death of Daughter, Granddaughter In Apartment FireThe family of a 22-year-old mother and her 3-year-old daughter say the two were killed early Thursday morning when a fire ripped through a 17-unit apartment in Inglewood, Calif. About 55 firefighters worked nearly an hour to knock down the two-alarm blaze.

Mom Arrested For Allegedly Stabbing Her Two Young ChildrenA West Valley City, Utah, mother, 47, was arrested Saturday morning after allegedly stabbing her 12 year-old daughter and 8-year-old son. The children were transported to an area hospital Saturday in serious condition. The father of the children stopped the attack from going further after his teenage daughter saw the stabbings occur.

ReaderComments (Page 1 of 4)

Here's a radical idea--how about making her responsible for her own actions? Let her be late for school a few times. Refuse to drive her when she misses the bus. By age 16 kids should not have to dragged out of bed and coddled by mom. Hopefully a few missed quizzes or a few sessions with the dean will straighten her out.I had a friend once who not only continually spent her morning trying to get her 17 year old daughter out of bed, she helped her get dressed, helped her with her hair and drove her the whole 3 blocks to school. At what point do we let kids deal with the consequences of their actions?

Exactly Doug! I went to COLLEGE at 16 and I had been setting my own alarm since I was 10. My ten year old son sets his alarm, takes a shower and is dressed by 6:30 am. Yes, it took a week of getting into the new routine, checking that he set his clock, etc., but it's worth it because he is proud of his morning routine and he's centered by the time he leaves for school. This writer does not know what they are talking about. Showing up with a smoothie and other coddling devises will further infantalize this young-adult. Let them know they are behind schedule and help them catch up to their peers - it builds a healthy self-esteem. There's no time to waste!

My 12.5 year old daughter is a monster in the morning. She has nothing technology wise to keep her up at night. She goes to bed at 8:30 and I get her up at 6:00 a.m. We leave the house at 6:45. I have literally dragged her to the car in her p.j.s, shoved her in with her uniform and backpack. Poor thing, she doesn't get that I am the mom working for her life style that will be drastically changing if she can't get a grip and become responsible. Let me tell you, going to school in p.j.s is a humiliating experience and so far I have not had to repeat it.

I'm with you!When my son was 8 and wouldn't get up for school, I let him sleep.When he woke up at 9:30AM I told him to get in the car, in his underware, and drove him to school. When there, I said have a nice day and go to class. Well, after the drama, we went back home, fed and clothed him.I drove him back to school and escorted him to class I told his teacher to give him as many detentions she desired.He was NEVER late again FOR ANYTHING!

Thanks Susan - those are some great suggestionsMy daughter is excited to get up each morning to Tickle her home grown TickleMe Plant. I know it wont last forever but for now she can't wait to see her "pet" TickleMe Plant close its leaves and lowers its branches when Tickled! Http://Ticklemeplant.com

This advice is absurd. A 16 year old is old enough to have a part time job, she doesn't need to be mollycoddled into getting up and out the door. She needs to be made responsible for her own behavior. In two years this "child" is going to be in college (or working). Is mommy still going to wake her up every morning?

Get her an alarm clock. Tell her that it's her own responsibility to get up and dressed and fed and out every morning, and if she misses the bus it's her own problem. If her school attendance suffers, or if her grades suffer, let HER deal with the consequences.

If this parent had gotten this kid an alarm clock when she started kindergarten, none of this would be an issue.

Also, if you're the parent you can insist that the TV (which you pay for) is off, the cell phone (which you pay for) is off, and the computer (which you pay for) is off after a reasonable time (10 pm). You can also insist that your teen is quiet and in her room after 10 pm, either doing homework, reading, or sleeping.

amy is right about the alarm clock, bedtime and user-limitations on the parent-sponsored items (cell,computer,tv etc.) but use caution when "allowing" your teen to "experience" the sort of "natural consequences" that can actually ruin their life (or their chance at having a decent shot at one) such as blowing a chance at a scholarship or being dropped from a special group that can help with career goals or even the horrible "natural consequences" that come from using drugs/alcohol. parental intervention is sometimes needed.

I agree with Chunky and I loved this column.The idea of using natural consequences because you think it's indulgent to prod your teen out of bed is awful! I don't hear her saying you should bring her a five course meal or massage her feet to get her out of bed. Shes just saying watch it with the technology and late nights and help kick start your teenager in the morning. I call that being a parent, not a boss or a tyrant! Great advice, as always. Thank you Susan! We need more sane voices like you for parents who use fear and anger to get their kids to do things.

Hah, excuse me. I'm 14, in high school, and have had an alarm clock since kindergarten. NO, I do not get up in the morning without my mom calling me. I don't even hear the alarm. Nor do I hear my phone going off right by my head. I've never been an early riser, preferring to sleep in as late as possible. I do understand that no sleep means I'm tired at school, but so far my grades haven't suffered. And it's not always possible for a high school student to get sleep even if they have no electronics. My friend has a job after school and goes until midnight, doing her homework at work, and we both have to get up around 5 to catch the bus.

This woman is right on track, I would love to be gotten up and would be much more wide awake if I had the chance to eat breakfast or drink a fruit smoothie as soon as I open my eyes. It's not coddling, it's caring.

My kids have had an alarm clock since about 3 years old, and getting up in the morning has never been a problem. My son had issues getting to the bus on time, but the rule was, to bed 5 minutes earlier and up 5 minutes earlier for every day he missed the bus. After a few days, problem solved.

My oldest daughter was horrible to wake up in the morning her last couple of years in highschool. I just turned a deaf ear to her complaints and she understood there would be consequences if she didn't get around. When she moved out on her own, she did fine getting herself going in the mornings. If technology is keeping the kids up late, time to go low tech and take their stuff away from them (they shouldn't have access to any of it after 10 p.m. anyway). Or you could resort to my mom's trick of spraying us in the face with a spraybottle of cold water!

It never amaze me that parents has to ask a to bit Parent Dish.First warn them to be in bed by 10 P M. If after that time if there on the telephone, computer, tv take it and throw it out the window, Second in the morning call them to get up;. If the brat is still in bed after 10 minutes go in and tip the bed over and send the brat on the floor. After a few times of doing the above they will learn.Its amazing to me how kids control the parents.Why are parents so stupid to have to ask Parentdish what to do...

My sons always had an alarm. I'd give them about 5 minutes and see if they were up. If they weren't, I'd go into their room gently shake them to get up and if they moaned and groaned, I'd burst into song. My wake up song was When the Red Red Robin Comes Bob Bob Bobbin Along and I'd keep singing until they got up and moving. The last thing they wanted to hear in the morning, especially when teens, was mom singing an old song written in 1926 way before even she was born. Usually, they'd be out of bed right after I got to "wake up, wake up, you sleepyhead...get up, get up, get out of bed". I know it seems silly but it worked like a charm on both my boys who are 16 years apart in age. I never had to yell at or plead with them to get up, all I had to do was start singing the silly wake up song.

TheTalkies

AOL Answers is no longer available.

As AOL continues to grow and evolve we are taking necessary actions to ensure our efforts and resources are
focused on the areas where we can create the maximum amount of value for our loyal consumer base. As a result
we have decided to sunset AOL Answers. Thank you for your participation in this site. If you have an AOL-related
question (passwords, account information, etc.), please visit our AOL Help site at help.aol.com.