I didn't know if I was going to post this, but I felt like I really want to have it be real by documenting it. In December we found out we were pregnant. I have been trying to get pregnant for awhile now and I was mentally done with the emotional rollercoaster of each month not knowing whether I was or wasn't. I had been feeling for awhile that I might be but didn't want to even check til after Christmas. But a few weeks before Christmas I felt I was definitely pregnant, either that or the "blossom fairy" finally visited my house and I was actually getting a bosom...So I just took the darn test.....And it was positive. I was so excited. I figured I was about 8-10 weeks along. We told the kids-- I didn't want to wait. I felt maybe I should, but I didn't want to. We told them Saturday and the next day I started spotting. We lost the baby five days later and I can tell you that it was WAY harder than I ever imagined. With the support of my dear sister-in-law who advised me to pray about how I wanted to mourn-- We hiked up the snowy mountainside overlooking the city and had a little memorial for our little baby. My kids each sang a song and I said a prayer. It was good for us all.

Gosh, sorry to get so personal, but I know there are so many women out there that have borne this burden and who mourn everyday for the loss of their little ones. It is a loss no matter what the circumstances. This experience just reaffirmed to me how amazing women are. How we can be all shopping at the store together and a woman next to us in line might be struggling with this or a myriad of other things related to nurturing and loving other human beings. I hope me sharing might help another mom know that it is okay to mourn -- to be really sad and to cry lots. It's okay to not always be okay.

6 comments:

So sorry you suffered the loss of your baby. Very brave of you to share your story too. I know personally it's something so difficult to talk about. What a beautiful way to mark such a sad time, by hiking up the mountain. Beautiful photo too.

So sorry for your loss. It's hard no matter how far along you are... And this line: "How we can be all shopping at the store together and a woman next to us in line might be struggling with this or a myriad of other things related to nurturing and loving other human beings. " So true.