Related

The great Blackie Parrish fake-out of 2014 — I mean, the Nurses’ Ball — has come to a close. And in its wake, we have the opportunity to reflect on all of the performances and drama that came with it. But let’s first remember what the Nurses’ Ball is about.

It’s not about karaoke, fancy dresses or red carpets. The Nurses’ Balls began in 1994 as a way to raise funds for HIV/AIDS research. And while the message can be overshadowed by all the glitz, amfAR certainly deserves one last shout-out, as does Yoplait Greek for sponsoring the event.

And what an event it is! Nearly every cast member seemingly takes the stage at some point to show off singing or dancing skills. Some were autotuned within an inch of their lives (sorry Brad, Haunted Starlets), while others showed off impressive natural vocal abilities (Epiphany). Liesl Obrecht’s (using the pseudonym “Adele Dazeem”) rendition of Willie Nelson’s “Always on My Mind” was actually quite lovely, as an ode to her neglected children. While Nathan (or is it James? Someone please tell us!) seems reluctant to open his arms to his muddah dearest, Britt seemingly is open to reconciliation.

I’m on the fence with how invested we’re supposed to be in the shenanigans of a prepubescent love triangle. I know soaps have always coveted the teen market, introducing younger love stories for the summer months, but the saga of Cameron, Spencer and Emma is the youngest I can ever recall. Cameron and Emma take the stage to do a tango this week, which is thematically a little mature for them, but are interrupted by Spencer’s attempt to woo his young love back. And how, you might ask? By recruiting Player to perform their 1977 #1 hit “Baby Come Back.” While it’s great to have him reference original member Ron Moss’ soap career by declaring his interruption as “bold and beautiful,” the real joy is watching the audience swoon and sing along. Who knew Dante loves himself some ’70’s easy listening?

And while Emma turns down Spencer’s attempt at reconciliation, the real heartbreak this week belongs to Lucy Coe. We all knew that Lucy Coe would end up in her underwear (and look fabulous!), but unfortunately, it is at the expense of her marriage to Kevin. Scott’s pursuit of Lucy ends when the curtain rises and reveals them mid-smooch to a stunned audience. Lucy tries to play it off as a joke, but confesses her months-long affair to Doc. The excuse of “I didn’t mean for it to happen” doesn’t work any better for Lucy than it did last week when Sonny tried it on Olivia. Kevin gets his aggression out first by decking Scott, then by brawling all over the Floating Rib with Mac when he realizes his best friend has known for quite some time.

But the catfight between Lucy and Bobbie is a sight to be seen. Between references to Damian Smith, Bobbie’s hooker past and Annie Logan’s virginity, there is certainly a lot of history to be hashed out between the two. While I think Bobbie misses the mark by thinking this is about her, the slap fight with pulled hair extensions and rolling television cameras is quite epic. Felicia’s decision to trade her Aztec jewels to save Lucy from being splashed on the front page is a testimony to the years-long friendship these two women have built.

But now, with the Nurses’ Ball coming to a close, it is time to get back to our regularly scheduled drama. With Tracy wed to Luke, Ned puts his plan in motion and ousts his mother as the ELQ CEO. And what titan of business does he install in her place? Why, none other than Michael, who, to the best of my knowledge, has about a month of corporate experience under his belt. Kiki encourages Michael to do the job and honor A.J., but I’m with Michael’s first inclination to hand the reigns over to Ned.

Tracy doesn’t plan to take her firing lying down, but first she plans to lie down and consummate her marriage to Luke. And since Luke is still clearly NOT Luke, he’s completely repulsed by the idea and has to (disgustingly, horrifically) fantasize about Kiki to do the deed. Seriously, can we pretty please get some answers about what is going on with Luke and soon? I’m not sure how much more skeevy behavior viewers can handle.

But Luke has bigger problems than ELQ this week, as it seems as if the whole drug/mob operation is about to blow up in his face. After discussing it with Sonny, Duke hands Anna information about an impending drug-shipment arrival. While Duke’s main goal is to bring Julian down, Shawn panics that Jordan will be caught up in the whole mess as well. Shawn, despite his misgivings about Jordan’s initial reintroduction to T.J.’s life, doesn’t want T.J. to lose his mother to jail (again). Is anyone else getting whiplash from Shawn’s sudden compassion for her well-being?

Alexis, after some insanely hot and steamy sexy time with Julian, tries to compel him to leave his life of organized crime behind. So Julian approaches Luke on the dock and tenders his resignation. More to the point, he pretty much tells Luke he knows where the bodies are buried and his boss should go pound sand. Luke reluctantly agrees to Julian’s terms, but then shows up at Alexis’ door with a loaded gun, so this parting may not be as amicable as Julian believes.

Elsewhere, love and love triangles were the running theme of the week. Carly and Franco had nothing better to do than join the mile-high club. And while I appreciate that Franco watches Game of Thrones on airplanes, this was just a comic interlude in a crowded week.

The Niz/Liric triangle came to a head this week as well. At the Nurses’ Ball, Nikolas makes it clear to Britt that he’s not ready to overlook the whole baby-stealing and lying thing. Then Elizabeth decides to give her ex-husband another shot, overlooking all of his past misdeeds. And Ric does really seem to have turned over a new leaf, as evidenced by his surprisingly rational conversation with Alexis about Julian. But Nikolas isn’t out of the game, as he makes an impassioned plea to Elizabeth for them to reunite. Elizabeth holds her ground, between the poor timing over the years and the destruction of Lucky in the process; she is stepping off the roller coaster that their pairing brings. She declares Ric as her choice, but do the tears in her eyes betray her decision?

The stage is also set for a Brad/Lucas/Felix triangle. Despite Brad’s performance of “Brokenhearted,” and Britt’s enthusiastic dancing, Lucas isn’t swayed by Brad’s apology or surprising kiss. So what is the natural thing for Lucas to do? Why, stage a phony relationship with Felix, of course! Despite Felix being an initial contender for Brad’s heart, I think Brad and Lucas are endgame. So what is their magical couple moniker? Blucas? Bracas? Luad?

Finally, we do learn that the embryo Obrecht used to procure her freedom is indeed one of Dante and Lulu’s. With their tortured history to parenthood, Lulu is skeptical to go down the surrogate route again. She suggests looking into a surgical procedure that could increase her odds of carrying the baby herself. Dante, knowing it’s their last chance to have another child, is wary, but Lulu goes ahead and books a consult with her doctor.

And that’s it for the 2014 Nurses’ Ball and all that goes with it! See you back here next week as we continue to ponder where Maxie’s amazing hair extensions came from! Did they have a plethora of exactly matched blonde hair backstage?