Rapid Ranting.....

I have recently been pondering the world of cheating. And having read an excellent post you're a cheat by [blog LadySunrise] the other day on here, I found myself formulating this rant.

On this fantasyland site, cheating relates to being unfaithful to your partner. In the day to day world, cheating can sweep right across the board. From athletes using performance enhancing drugs, to professionals using false qualification to obtain lucrative work positions. From individual duplicity to government games of deception.

Naturally there are degrees of cheating, copying someone elses work and writings (perhaps from the internet) and suggesting it is your own , to trying to blag at a card game. All sorts and all kinds, and I would think that most if not all have at some time succumbed to it on differing levels.

I remembering copying some other schoolmates homework, changing it a little and offering it up as mine. Of course the astute teachers always copped on, and called it as it was, cheating. Luckily I never developed a consistent habit of cheating. And I have not been involved in relationships where cheating was a factor.

Consistent cheaters, it seems, will always find an excuse or a 'justification' for their duplicity. Whether that be a loveless, sexless, a 'non functioning' present partnership, therefore its okay to play about. Whether its mass deception and fearmongering used by governments and a compliant media. Thus engineering a sentiment of support within the populace for their actions, in some extreme cases war and murder.

Perhaps individual duplicity is linked to communal duplicity. The reasons can be numerous, the increaing pressure to succeed, the notion that everyone else is doing it so I better otherwise I'll be left behind (cheat v chump). Who can tell, yet the prevalence seems to be endemic.

Of course each to their own, and we all have the ability to choose the paths we take, even if we sometimes look for excuses to take what may seem the easy road of cheating. For love and sex relationships, and call me simple if you will, yet it is; If you cant work it out get out.

Surely its way past time to say enough is enough, and out the cheats. Whether that is in your own house, or any houses where this debasing deception exists.

End of rant, normal service will resume forthwith, but if you are here to cheat kindly stick to other cheats.

It often is hard to understand why someone would cheat. In my heart I have cheated on my husband (kissing does count as cheating, I know). And in my case, all the simple reasons and justifications just don't even begin to approach why I have chosen to do this rather than leave my husband. I could write forever on it, and some people, the people in my situation, would nod and agree, and people who haven't been there would just write it off as more justification.

People cheat for different reasons. Some people cannot be faithful. Some people crave excitement. Some people blame their spouses. And some people are genuinely hurting and confused. I wish it was as simple as communication. But even that is often not enough. And when there are many reasons for staying, that makes it even more difficult.

But I do agree that married and single just don't mesh that well. They're most likely not going to be after the same thing. Though often two married people will be looking for far different things as well.

I always believe if you're unhappy then you should get out versus cheating... thats the more honorable thing to do... there is no honor in cheating... But many people have no honor... its sad to know so many give in to temptation(easy) rather than doing the right thing(hard)... is everyone just lazy?

em.. having been on both sides of the cheating coin, I have to agree with you completely. it isnt a remedy, it wont help anything, if anything it will make a cloudy situation nearly impossible to see into or out of clearly. it is a destructor of homes and hearts, and can never be used as a viable resource to escape what is there in your home and your heart.

Quoting rm_FreeLove999:hear hear!! if your relationship can't survive the honest truth, its probably no good to begin with...

Freelove, true a relationship has to be able to deal with the truth. Some ppl grow apart, they mite have had a good relationship at the beginning. Still to debase yourself and your partner by cheating is a dishonest way to deal with breaking up or growing apart.

Quoting angelgrrl:It often is hard to understand why someone would cheat. In my heart I have cheated on my husband (kissing does count as cheating, I know). And in my case, all the simple reasons and justifications just don't even begin to approach why I have chosen to do this rather than leave my husband. I could write forever on it, and some people, the people in my situation, would nod and agree, and people who haven't been there would just write it off as more justification.

People cheat for different reasons. Some people cannot be faithful. Some people crave excitement. Some people blame their spouses. And some people are genuinely hurting and confused. I wish it was as simple as communication. But even that is often not enough. And when there are many reasons for staying, that makes it even more difficult.

But I do agree that married and single just don't mesh that well. They're most likely not going to be after the same thing. Though often two married people will be looking for far different things as well.

angelgrrl, i appreciate your thoughts.

I dont think that the act of cheating can be explained away. People can say that is too black and white, well it is, and for me if people try to grey the landscape, that in itself is deceptive and not facing the facts.

When a committment is made, and whatever may come, I think the right thing to is face the differences that exist. Even if that is to say to our partners; I dont love you anymore, I dont fancy you, whatever the issue maybe.

If circumstances arise that may make one or other of the partners feel the need to cheat. And if the partnership is based on communication and openesss then you can either work out the problems or agree honourably to separate.

I am not trying to judge individual situations. I am suggesting that if we accept cheating, then we run the risk of debasing alot of what we cherish in our world. If duplicity is accepted as a norm, what do we have left to trust and perhaps believe in.

Quoting pinkplaytoyz:I always believe if you're unhappy then you should get out versus cheating... thats the more honorable thing to do... there is no honor in cheating... But many people have no honor... its sad to know so many give in to temptation(easy) rather than doing the right thing(hard)... is everyone just lazy?

Excellent post Em!!

Pink, I agree, maybe it is lazyness. Perhaps it is fear, im sure there are as many reasons as there are instances of cheating.

Your comment suggests to me, that if we cant live with dignity and some honour, than what is left, an empty shell in many cases. That is what I would be afraid of, so hence I think doing the hard thing is the only thing to do.

Quoting rm_gata11459:em.. having been on both sides of the cheating coin, I have to agree with you completely. it isnt a remedy, it wont help anything, if anything it will make a cloudy situation nearly impossible to see into or out of clearly. it is a destructor of homes and hearts, and can never be used as a viable resource to escape what is there in your home and your heart.

Gata, thanks for your openness, I think that the worst is when you cheat yourself. If you cant be true to yourself, and what is in your heart, you are not 'living' just 'existing'.

Quoting chrissiegirl:Cheating is wrong,I agree. Leaving a partner would be the better thing to do, I also agree. Unfortunately life isn't that black and white. How I wish it was....

Chrissie x

Chrissie, very true life is not black and white, yet alot of the actions we take in life are. Perhaps we complicate things by taking certain actions, and being human it can be seemingly impossible sometimes to do the better thing, and all of us have those times when we can't do it.

Quoting HBowt2:Well put chrissie...black and white would be very nice.....

Sometimes it's harder to stay pinkplaytoyz...

of course it can be harder to stay, that wasn't what I was saying...I said giving in to temptation is easier than to fight it...It all depends on the person and what they value most... I have to be able to live with myself and the consequences of my actions, so I choose to be honest and face the problems... As painful as the truth may be, I'm always going to choose to tell it, because that's what helps the other person heal...I did leave, and it was hard, but it was the right thing to do, and there was no one else involved.

Sorry Em, I didn't intend to hog your blog, but I wanted to clarify what I meant{=}

There are often very good reasons for staying. I invested heavily in my marriage and sacrificed much so my husband could suceed in his chosen career -- including not going to school so I could support us while he changed his career, furthered his education. After we had children, I quit my job to raise them. To finish my education and start over in a new career would mean starting over at 40 -- basically condemning myself to a borderline life.

So in the black and white world I should live without sex or live a marginal existance (the way divorce and alimony laws are in my state, that is what would happen, despite the fact my support is a huge part of the reason he is successful). Damned if I do, damned if I don't. I wish it were simple.

Not to mention how it would affect our children. Not to mention we genuinely like each other. Not to mention that my family (parents, siblings, etc) would not support me leaving him.

Please at least try to understand that you cannot always understand. And as much as it's more comfortable to believe the black-and-white, if you're not living it, you cannot always see the true issues. Kind of like parenting, really -- people without kids are the best parents.

Quoting rm_kelts_dub:Just wondering..when did monogomany become the norm??? When did we all decide to conform to the rules of the church?

kelts_dub. Sorry I dont get your point. It has nothing to do with monogamy, nor any church, religion, or ritualised practice. You are reading something into it, that is not there.

If a partnership decides that it is not exclusive, and the people involved are happy with an open relationships, thats fine, there is no cheating. You cant cheat if your partner is aware and happy with you having sexual relationships with others.

Yet if people choose to make a committment, and that committment is exclusively to one person. Then if they cheat, they break that commitment. And if they continue to cheat, whilst maintaining the facade of a committment, then not only are they cheating, they are also hypocrites.

Quoting pinkplaytoyz:of course it can be harder to stay, that wasn't what I was saying...I said giving in to temptation is easier than to fight it...It all depends on the person and what they value most... I have to be able to live with myself and the consequences of my actions, so I choose to be honest and face the problems... As painful as the truth may be, I'm always going to choose to tell it, because that's what helps the other person heal...I did leave, and it was hard, but it was the right thing to do, and there was no one else involved.

Sorry Em, I didn't intend to hog your blog, but I wanted to clarify what I meant{=}

Pink, not a problem, its good to have open and frank discussion. Even if some cant accept that.

Quoting saddletrampsk:Although I don't agree 100% with your post I think it is very thought provoking and well written..there are alot of grey areas in the relationship spectrum..

saddletrampsk, thanks for your compliment.

I do agree there are many grey areas in human relationships. You either cheat or you dont, the reasons for that act can be a myriad of different things, that doesnt change the fact that cheating is cheating.

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