Domestic Violence

Domestic violence is a pattern of abuse that happens in a personal relationship. It occurs when one person in an intimate relationship or marriage tries to dominate and control the other person. Violence is a deliberate choice made by the abuser in order to take control over their partner.

Am I Being Abused?

Victims of domestic abuse or violence may be men or women, and abuse may occur during a relationship, while the couple is breaking up, or after the relationship has ended.

Types of Domestic Violence and Abuse

Emotional or Psychological Abuse

Physical Abuse

Sexual Abuse

Economic or Financial Abuse

Warning Signs of an Abusive Relationship

Domestic violence or sexual violence may occur without warning. Sometimes, however, there may be signs or red flags that serve as warnings that the relationship is abusive.

Force you to have sex or perform sexual acts that you don’t want or like?

Abusive Behaviors

Abuse is far more than a black eye. It involves a wide array of mental, emotional and non-physical assaults. Domestic violence often goes unreported due to societal stigmas that inhibit victims from disclosing their abuse. Victims may be too ashamed or frightened to admit they are being abused – even to close friends and family.

Or they may not see themselves as victims at all. They may think that domestic violence is defined solely as physical abuse. However, there are many types of domestic abuse.

Recognizing abuse is the key to understanding if you or someone you know is being abused. If your partner repeatedly uses one or more of the following to control you or someone you know, seek help.

Uses Intimidation

Makes threatening looks, actions or gestures

Smashes things in front of you and/or destroys your things

Hurts your pets

Displays weapons

Uses Emotional Abuse

Humiliates you by using insults, name-calling, shaming and public humiliation

Plays mind games in an effort to make you think your crazy

Makes you feel guilty about the abuse

Uses Isolation

Finds a way to increase your dependence on him/her by limiting your outside involvements/activities

Controls what you do, who you see and talk to, what you read, and where you go

Uses jealousy as an excuse to justify abusive behaviors

Minimizes, Denying and Blaming

Makes light of the abuse or denies that it has occurred

Shifts responsibility for the abuse on to you

Makes excuses for inexcusable behavior

Uses Children Against You

Makes you feel guilty for involving children

Threatens to take children away

Uses visitation time to harass you

Uses children to relay messages

Uses Privilege

Treats you like a child, a servant or his/her possession

Expects you to obey him/her without question

Acts like the “King of the Castle”

Uses Economic Abuse

Takes your money, makes you ask for money or gives you an allowance

Prevents you from getting or keeping a job

Prevents your knowledge of or access to family income

Uses Coercion or Threats

Threatens to hurt you or your child, your pets, your family or friends

Threatens to commit suicide or report you to Child Protective Services

Forces you to do illegal things

Making you drop charges against him/her

If you answered ‘yes’ to any of the above, several or all, we are here to help.

If you are involved in a relationship where you are being hurt or abused remember:

If it was once, it will likely happen again

It is not your fault

Don’t minimize how you feel

People who love you, shouldn’t hurt you

Domestic Violence doesn’t just stop when they get sober, get married, have a baby or over time.

Statistics

Every 9 seconds in the US a woman is assaulted or beaten.

19% of domestic violence involves a weapon.

1 in 15 children are exposed to intimate partner violence each year (90% are eyewitnesses).

How to Help?

Few things can be more devastating than hearing the story of someone close to you being abused or suspecting that they may be. Your first feelings may be of fear, anger, sadness, grief, shock or disbelief.

Your response is extremely important as it can impact how the victim/survivor will move forward with trying to get help or get out.

Here is a list of things to consider should a victim/survivor inform you that they are being abused: