Tuesday

Neglectful Parent Update

I want to give an update on the neglectful parent. I gave in and called CPS. I couldn't take it anymore, and I had to do what was right for the children. I spoke with the social worker on call (I called after hours), gave them all the information we had from everything they have said to things that we have documented, and told them what I observed in terms of the child's development, as neglect has a profound impact on development. The social worker filed the report and the only thing I was missing was Mom's cell phone number. I explained this to the social worker, and she said I could call back in the number. I called a few days later, and spoke to another social worker who informed me that nothing I reported to them in regards to what we are observing could be investigated. So I guess her ignoring our calls regarding her childrens' well being, not sending her children to school in shoes, having them wear dirty clothes, dropping her kids off/picking them up high on whatever, not having her 2 year old in a car seat and all the other crap that she has said/pulled isn't enough for an investigation.

According to the social worker, they cannot by law intervene unless something serious happens. Whatever. Yesterday, her boyfriend dropped J and E off (T and T are in school full time) without shoes, and boyfriend brought shoes in later. Today, J and E were dropped off at 640a, no shoes for either and Miss D was told by Mom's boyfriend that someone would drop shoes off later if someone had time. My director walked in, found out about the situation, and called Mom at 715a this morning. She never called back, and when I left work at 500p, E, J, T and T were still there and we didn't have shoes all day for E or J. So how is this family not worth investigating?

J has taken to spitting on the table and wiping the spit with his fingers. His development is so compromised I really saw how much he needs today. When he is not at school, our classroom flow and energy are different-his listening or lack thereof impacts the listening of the entire class. His last day is on Friday, 9/11. The reason? They are relocating out of state. The reason for that? According to Mom's boyfriend, his parents have money and they go where the money is.

I can't have kids, and I would love to file for custody of J. At least he would be in a better home with more.

24 comments:

Anonymous
said...

I think you should. Ive been reading this but im just not sure they would grant you custody. :( its a shame. Maybe try to convince the mom to let you take care of the child? Like offer free care after school and slowly have the child more and more? Idk im just worried too and I think the child would greatly benefit having you as their guardian

Being a nanny I have had similar family; including my cousins kids who Ive wanted to adopt. I'm in the same boat u are. Its so very hard. You just pray that someone has a heart as big as yours. We want whats good for all neglected and abused children. We wish we could adopted them all. Too many sad stories to count. Keep your chin up!!

You can always ask to speak with a supervisor at CPS, if you disagree with what you've been told by the first person you've spoken with. It doesn't always make a difference, but if you go over everything with the supervisor, they might take action. As for them granting you custody, I doubt that would happen. IF CPS, and that's a big if as I don't see them removing the kids for this, they'd work with the parents while the kids remain in home first, they would be place with other family members first. Plus, they'd do everything in their power to keep all of the kids together, and I doubt you're a certified foster parent. (Sorry to burst your bubble!)

What exactly is the problem here? Why are you so against these people. Maybe the mother is doing her best. How old are these kids without the shoes? Are they little kids? Sometimes little kids just don't like to wear shoes. Actually that is often a way to get them to walk.

2. These children 2 and 1 year of age. Mom ignores our calls, tells us one thing and then another, she came in under the influence of something to drop off and pick up her kids, she is on state funded childcare and had her kids in daycare 50 hours per week while she was off work since mid July (she's a school bus driver). Today she brought the younger children in without shoes, promised to bring shoes in by 830a, and ignored a phone call reminding her to bring in shoes. At 3p she was called to pick up her 2 year old with crusty, red eyes and take him to the doctor to confirm he doesn't have pink eye, which has been going around our center. Our policy states that she has an hour to pick up. When I left at 430p, she didn't call back and he was still there.

And she was off work. Guaranteed. But she doesnt care about her kids, and everyone can see that. We have lots of documentation regarding this child and his family. Tomorrow if she drops off without shoes, he cannot return to school until he has shoes on. This is the third time in two weeks we have called her to bring in shoes, and she has ignored us.

Anne: apparentky what I said didnt meet their standards of investigation. I don't buy it.

1. Not your business what she does while the kids are in daycare that she pays for, and for the record gives you a job

2. The one year old!? Seriously needs shoes? Any pediatrician or anyone who knows anything about babies knows at that age barefoot is best. It encourages waljjgn, proper foot developed and so on. Plus its Hot. If it was the middle of winter maaaybe you'd have reason to be upset

4. I can't remember enough of this saga but it sounds like normal kids at diff development rates. You should know not all kids development the same. Some kids walk at 9 months some at 18. With early intervention never needed. The thing q the spit and running fingers through it. Every child will do that. If you don't think so you're kidding yourself.

5. You honestly sound like you love drama and being the Savior. That's your problem not this mothers

Really NYC nanny. So are you telling me it's okay for the mom to ignore calls when kids are sick? I think this is a HUGE issue. Not cool to ignore calls. Not cool to send your kids in sick and spread it around. Sorry kids should always have a pair of shoes in either the cubby or book bag. I don't think the center is being unreasonable. At two years old not unusual for center to take kids for short walks. No way would I want my son walking on the concrete pavement barefoot. There is always a chance of broken glass or other debris on sidewalk. Second if it's hot out their feet can burn. They do make shoes that are more comfortable for young children. Such as the Robeeze brand. If I was the director I would buy a pair. Keep at the daycare while the kids attended.

I know the NYC nanny market is rather competitive and that somewhat above average qualifications are needed to be a nanny there. Go back and search the original post:

1. The parent is on state funded childcare, based on income. Do you know what this means? It means she is getting daycare paid for by myself, my co workers, and the parents of the children in my class and families enrolled in my center as we pay taxes. The only thing she has is a co pay that isn't covered under her state covered funding. She has also stated on more than one occasion she doesn't want so many kids to take care of. (She has two older ones in school)

2. As a center, we require footwear for children, with the exception of babies. All three of our one year old rooms have shoes on. If our state licensor were to come in (do you know what DHFS and a state liscensor for a childcare is?) we would be written up fir these children not having shoes.

3. My entire class is 2, and they keep their shoes on all day. This is a part of normal deveopment and this is poor parenting on her part about not having shoes on. She claimed he lost his shoes at the state fair, and failed to bring him shoes in. She was home during the summer, becuase obviously she wasn't driving a bus full of children around, becuase school wasn't in session. She buys him a size 7 shoe which was clearly too small-it was me who told her he wears a size 8. She doesn't care if he runs around barefoot all day, and even told us that. She bought him shoes: his left foot is an 8, right foot is a 9. Ummm....ok.

4. Normal kids? My two year class can sit for 5-10 minutes, talk, follow directions, use words if they are upset, and clean up. They can also recognize some colors, shapes, letters and numbers, along with their names. These are skills we practice everyday, as they are expanded on in our 3 year room. This 2 can't sit still for 2 minutes, does nothing but run, can't talk, doesn't listen, cannot recognize colors/shapes/letters/name, and is clearly behind in develoment. Many teachers who have observed him have said that, and some of them have been teaching close to 20 years. I'm aware that each child develops at a different rate, but something is clearly wrong, and he gets nothing at home.

5. I care about this child and he deserves better. I'm sorry if you are too dumb to see that. 😀

Yes he deserves better, all kids do. On the other hand, not having shoes and leaving kids in daycare, not dhs involvement kind of stuff. Beating kids with shoes and leaving kids in drug houses, right up dhs alley!

My own child has (the horror!) shoes that are a size too big. His feet aren't getting any smaller; I suspect they'll fit properly in two weeks I also qualify for state funding, and take advantage of the very programs my job is paying for.Do you want the state to give you custody of my child, too?

I have respect for single working mothers like yourself on state assistance who are trying to make a better life for their children. Stop being ignorant and read between the lines: this mother doesn't give a crap about her kids, and she's proved it since mid June, when they started. When her 2 year old was sick, she refused to pick him up from school, and actually told my boss " 'I don't know what you want me to do about it. It's not my problem.' " She also refused to oick up her 1 year old with a fever, ignored several calls to pick her up, and finally a grandparent came, because Mom was too busy being something other than a parent.

And she was sitting at home the entire time: the grandfather of my co teacher works with this parent. School bus drivers work split shifts, so between 830a-230p she doesn't care. She goes back to work around 230p, and is done driving about 330-345ish. She drops him off at 630a, and is technically supposed to pick him up by 430p, due to center policy of being there 10 hours a day. She picks him by 6p. She's charged $15/day per child for anything over 10 hours.

We can't figure out why a mother would not want to spend time with her children, and why she wants to forget they exist.

IIRC you were told multiple times in your previous post(s?) that you're too emotionally involved. All the rubbish about how this woman pays for childcare (or does not) is irrelevant. I have no objection to social programs that help parents- and in turn- kids. So GA, Childcare subsidies, Wic or whatever are ok with me.

Stop focusing on her life. You don't know her life! You know a small piece of the puzzle.

Your constant harping tells me that you are not a good fit for your profession. You need to maintain professional boundaries at ALL time. Stop personalizing everything. Stop being so judgmental. Stop expecting the world to act the way you would. Life doesn't work this way.

CONTINUE documenting. Keep calling CPS. Keep accurate (non emotional) records of all communication. For the good of the child, change your tone with the mother. Speak as a concerned PROFESSIONAL not an angry, judgy mcjudgerson. Use your words intelligently.

The way you respond to the posters here who disagree with you is very telling. Your instinct is to lash out. This isn't healthy.

Look into therapy and some courses on being professional at work. Heck! Read how to deal with difficult people.

And finally, ask yourself:do I want to be right or do I want to solve this problem.

You really need to grow up. How you respond to people is disgusting and judgemental. The same way you probably respond to this family.

You should get therapy and leave this profession. If you can't deal with one family in daycare who is difficult then you aren't cut out for this.

Many many involved parents don't pick their kids up if they are sick. Or dont listen to sick policy. Is it annoying? Sure. But unless your director enforces it nothing you can do. Leave if you dont like it. And if you've called a million times about nonsense like oh your kid can't stop crying come get them. Why would they really feel like they should listen to you. I know all about centers Calling home and fudging temps just to get into ratio or the hard child sent home. You are paid just aboive min wage to take care of screaming kids. Regardless of how they pay for it that's your job.

How do you know this woman doesn't have a sec or third job during the summer while she is off?

Why do care? Because you had a shitty childhood? They are not you. You are not their family. The fact that you think you should custody is delusional. You need therapy.

You come across as naive, unstable and argumentative.

If the kid doesn't have shoes and your going out- leave the kid w the director in the office. I'm sure you can find some floating around. Centers usually have a lost and found and donation pile. The baby really doesn't need shoes and is probably learn to walk. Not everyone thinks like you do. Part of being a grown up is getting annoyed and moving on. Something you can't do.

Also child services have investigated families for a lot less. So something in your story mist not be adding up for them to dismiss it.

Agree with the previous posters 1000000%! You need to stop! Your replies to people who disagree with you tells me that you're a difficult person.

You obviously have issues left over from your childhood which are affecting your judgment.

Take a step back and reconsider your job. Part of working with children is learning to deal SUCCESSFULLY with parents.

You lack this ability, judging by your lashing out at posters here.

It's very true that centres will lie about illness for various reasons. It's also true that parents won't or can't always come to get their child. But this is an issue for your director. Either he or she doesn't care to enforce policy or there's more to this story than meets the eye.

Are you people for real? The OP is upset about neglected children. What the hell is so wrong with that? These are the kids who end up dead in a home and when the finger pointing starts, it's all, "Why didn't anyone do anything?" This OP tried to. She is "lashing" back at the ignorant comments because she is beyond frustrated. Who the hell sits by and does nothing about sick kids dumped at a daycare by a couchsitting excuse for a parent?? Open your eyes people.

You don't know what the mom does at home. Do you have a magic mirror into her house? No! You don't!

OP has a professional duty to report and record everything she deems inappropriate. She is required to alert the authorities. She has done so but they don't believe her or deem the situation as abusive.

The op had a bad childhood which is coloring her entire pov. She needs to be a professional and not an angry irascible pot stirrer

You are way to emotionally involved. It sounds to me like you want this child as your own and will make the parents look bad in any light. You have formed an unhealthy relationship with this child. Probably because you cant have any of your own. You need to seek therapy asap!

Everyone attacking op are way off. She is doing whats best. I live in flordia and trash like this woman she is talking about are everywhere here. I think its admirable she is looking out.... who else is?

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