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Compassion Matters

Our tolerance for love is established early in our lives and is based on our unique experiences. As a result, love doesn’t always just slip away; we push it away…actively. To the degree that we ourselves control the amount of love we will tolerate, we control our romantic destiny. While we may not realize it, in countless, quiet ways, we may be giving up on love.

Throughout a given day, we experience a barrage of sadistic thoughts so smoothly and so frequently that we hardly notice we’re under attack. We may try to compensate for insecurities, but deep down, we are our own worst enemy. So, what causes us to turn against ourselves and how can we stop?

Many of us are going about happiness all wrong. In order to discover our own true form of happiness, we have to shed baggage from our past, free ourselves from outside influences and identify who we alone really are.

Valentine’s Day should be what each of us makes of it and nothing more. So whether you’re a hopeless romantic or just-not-a-candy-heart-kinda-person, here are a handful of ways we all can make the most out of this year’s Feb. 14… or any day for that matter.

There are some red flags to look out for, most importantly those that indicate that you or your partner are experiencing an increase in psychological symptoms or a degradation in your ability to function. These would be signs that it may be time to call it quits or, at least, to seek counseling or outside help.

Finding love can be the ultimate out-of-body experience in that we feel so attuned and connected to someone else. It is also a process of adventure and discovery that is entirely internal. Understanding that inner world is vital to letting ourselves get close to someone else. With that in mind, here are a few ways we may be getting in our own way when it comes to love.

No matter how many people are around you, it is NOT uncommon to feel lonely over the holiday season. Emotions can get stirred up in old settings, and there is a natural sadness that comes with the passing of another year. So, how can we keep our stress and loneliness levels down, so we can live in the moment and enjoy these final days of 2014... and beyond?

Being close to someone and maintaining a deep level of intimacy is a precious but fragile thing. So what can we do to give ourselves our best chance of maintaining that loving feeling we have when we first realize we are falling for another person? Here are five resolutions I believe all couples would truly benefit from taking on.

Does it seem like inflated self-esteem is getting a little out of control these days? Here is a chart to help you better recognize narcissism. But noticing narcissistic traits around us may be the easy part. The hard part is understanding why these traits show up and what to do about them.

Whether it’s their job, their relationship, their city or themselves, most people have something in their lives that they're hoping to change. What most of these people probably don't know is that there is an actual science backed by 30 years of intensive research that reveals how lasting change is possible.

Too often, when parents feel provoked or triggered by their kids, discipline becomes more about releasing their feelings than teaching the child. Parents will be much more effective when they get a handle on their own emotions and are able to be attuned to their kids. With that in mind, here are some rules to live by when it comes to disciplining your child.

The demanding attitude we all have toward ourselves often divides our lives into two realities – what’s actually happening and what we are busy telling ourselves about what’s happening. . So how can we shift from judging our lives to actually living and enjoying them? Here are three key elements to making the most of the moments of our lives.

Why do couples stop having sex? Why does our sexuality get packed away, so we feel we have to go out of our way to uncover it? Taking time for sex shouldn't be seen as an indulgence or an inconvenience. Sexuality makes us feel alive. It can be a way to reenergize or relax, reconnect or reestablish feelings of excitement toward our relationship.

Those who know depression should be assured that the pathway to feeling like yourself again, while it can be arduous, is still possible. Part of fighting depression means identifying behavior patterns that worsen its symptoms and finding the unique treatment that works for you.

When you hit your kid, you are nothing more than the terrifying monster emerging from the closet. Except unlike the monster, you are the one they’re supposed to rely on for safety. You are causing them very real trauma that can shape their development and haunt them for the rest of their lives.

Studies now show that harping on negative life events or engaging in self-blame can cause some of the most common mental health concerns we face. In almost all cases, we are our own worst enemy. So how can we stop rumination and overcome this enemy within us?

People who attempt or die by suicide are NOT on their own side or in their own point of view in the moment they try to take their own life. They are listening to a vicious internal enemy or "anti-self," which berates them and lures them into their ultimate destruction. We can all help fight this enemy.

What can we do to ensure that we lead a life that is uniquely meaningful to us? How can we uncover our truest selves? What strategies can we use to identify and challenge the obstacles (both external and internal) that keep us from pursuing, not just our wildest dreams, but our basic values as individuals?

Two of the most important questions we can ask ourselves in life are "Why?" and "How do we get in our own way of achieving what uniquely matters to us?" Here, I list four of the most common elements that cause people to self-sabotage and keep them from living their dreams.

When we limit our search to that "perfect" someone, we're very likely to give up too easily on finding the perfect imperfect relationship.There are many unexpected choices that could make us happy, but to make a relationship work means being willing to take the plunge with someone and then looking inward. Here are 3 steps to improve any relationship.

Year after year, more and more studies are highlighting the benefits of generosity on both our physical and mental health. Not only does generosity reduce stress, support one’s physical health, enhance one’s sense of purpose and naturally fight depression, it is also shown to increase one’s lifespan.

Are today’s youth really a more narcissistic generation? It’s a question parents, educators, researchers and media seem to be strongly affirming. Our obsession with self-evaluation is causing problems. But what conditions lead to both narcissism and low self-esteem? There's a better way to establish our sense of self-worth.

While we should be the biggest champions of our own love lives, the reality is we do a lot to get in our own way. True love might stand the test of time, but can it survive us? Learn how the attachment styles we formed as kids could be sabotaging our happiness as adults. How can we learn to relate in healthier, more loving ways?

The usage of smart phones has overwhelmed the population, with parents barely able to make it through dinner without texting, tweeting or surfing online. In the face of such monumental distraction, we’re forced to ask how this will affect our children.

The adaptations we make to the interactive relationship between ourselves and our early caretakers impact every area of our lives as adults, from how we parent to how we treat our partner. The particular attachment style we develop strongly colors the lens through which we view the world.However, we are not trapped by or locked into our attachment style.

Studies show that arguing with your partner could shorten your lifespan. What if there was a technique that could help resolve conflicts in your relationship? Would you try it? Learn a proven method to help your fights lose their nasty, escalating nature and feel happier and closer to your partner.

A question that often arises in my practice is what constitutes infidelity? When is a flirtation innocent and when does it go too far? How can you draw lines when it comes to your and your partner’s behavior, especially when these lines have become increasingly blurred by a digital age? Here are five rules every person can follow to have a more trustworthy relationship.

Studies are now proving that romantic love can withstand the tests of time. If lasting love is an attainable goal, then what’s getting in our way of achieving it? The answer has to do with avoiding the trappings of a fantasy bond.

Achieving long-lasting love isn’t usually easy, even when we meet the right person. However, it’s also not an endlessly laborious undertaking that takes more in struggle than it offers in pleasure. So how do we know when to give up on a relationship, and how do we know when to fight for it?