English Review :

I can think of three storylines that would have helped a Hannah Montana flick appeal to my sensibilities. One: Miley Cyrus, reeling from the realization that her career is consuming her every waking moment, sneaks into her father's study to look for a bottle of whiskey, only to discover the entrance to an underground complex filled with blonde and brunette doppelgängers.

She stumbles backwards and screams, struggling to come to terms with the revelation that she is, and has always been, a Cylon. Two: while vacationing at a remote woodland resort in her father's Tennessee hometown, Miley is forced to contend with an evil Japanese spirit (preferably an ohaguro-bettari) who slaughters her family and attempts to consume her soul. Just as the demon is about to inhabit her golden-locked alter ego, the young guitar-wielding sensation learns that her music causes the ancient abomination unspeakable pain.

Three: in the wake of a catastrophic global disaster, Miley is left to wander the ashy deserts of a post-apocalyptic American wasteland. Initially, she kills to survive, but soon she descends into scraggly haired, steely eyed insanity, killing anyone who mutters the word "Hannah," earning the fear and respect of the nomadic populous, and eventually assembling an army of road warriors intent on establishing their own twisted law in a world gone mad.

After fighting with former supermodel Tyra Banks over a pair of shoes (a catfight that ignites a media frenzy), missing her beloved brother's college send-off, and inadvertently ruining her best friend's birthday party, a young girl named Miley Stewart (Miley Cyrus) has to come to terms with the fact that maintaining her wildly popular celebrity persona, Hannah Montana, is having a series of profound and detrimental effects on her personal relationships and career. But that all changes when her father, successful country music singer Robby Ray Stewart (yep, dear old dad Billy Ray Cyrus), takes her on a vacation to their corn-n-hayseed hometown: Crowley Corners, Tennessee. While there, Miley reconnects with an old friend named Travis (Lucas Till), dodges a tenacious photographer (Peter Gunn) trying to uncover Hannah Montana's secret identity, and agrees to help the town save a stretch of land from greedy developers... by putting on a concert, of course.

Hannah Montana: The Movie is perhaps the first family film I've ever encountered that literally teaches children to hide who they really are. Miley doesn't learn to share her true self with the world, she learns -- after bumbling through an identity crisis I surely thought would result in a worthwhile life lesson for young girls -- to continue concealing her identity. Sorry to spoil the oh-so-thrilling Dance Dance Revolution ending but, if I had a preteen daughter, the last thing I'd want her to be told by one of her rosy cheeked role models is to create a second persona for herself; one she only shows to those who are a part of her innermost circle. Is that what we've really come to? Teaching a budding adolescent mind that it's okay to live your life as if you're someone you're not? Even when Miley reveals herself to a stunned crowd, her peers and fans encourage her to keep her secret... which, after coming to terms with who she is and how she wants to be perceived, she decides is a great idea. Sigh.

Shaky, maligned moral aside, Hannah Montana: The Movie is big, dumb, semi-harmless fun for the preteen girl set. The film's antagonists hail from the clumsy, redemptive school of villainy, jokes and gags are strictly of the buh-dum-tish! variety, slapstick pitfalls and lame one-liners abound, and wholesome values wipe away every well-intentioned mistake the characters make.
As a flighty bit of cinematic whimsy, the film works fairly well, and even gives the perpetually grinning pop star a few choice opportunities to showcase her somewhat promising dramatic chops. As anything more significant? Not so much. In this world of PR boundaries and choose-your-own-adventure morality, I imagine it's quite difficult for Disney to hold the moral compass it once proudly displayed in each of its family films.

Perhaps I missed the nuances of Hannah Montana's message while pushing through its aw-schucks shenanigans, but I was surprised by how little it had to say about adolescence, honesty, integrity, and self assuredness. Ah well, I don't have a daughter though, so what do I know?

Until then, I guess I'll just have to keep pitching ideas for Hannah Montana: The Movie 2. Try this on for size: Miley, ever the conscientious political crusader, decides to abandon her illustrious singing career and pursue a life in international diplomacy.