*Golf* can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle, followed by a good bottle of beer.

*Golf*! You hit down to make the ball go up. You swing left and the ball goes right. The lowest score wins, on top of that, the winner buys the drinks.

*Golf* is harder than baseball. In *Golf*, you have to play your foul balls.

If you find you do not mind playing *Golf* in the rain, the snow, even during a hurricane, here's a valuable tip, your life is in trouble.

*Golf*ers who try to make everything perfect before taking the shot rarely make a perfect shot.

A '*gimme*' can best be defined as an agreement between two golfers, neither of whom can putt very well.

An interesting thing about *Golf* is that no matter how badly you play, it is always possible to get worse.

*Golf*'s a hard game to figure. One day you'll go out and slice it and shank it, hit into all the traps, and miss every green. The next day you go out and, for no reason at all, you really stink.

*Golf* is the only sport where the most feared opponent is you.

*Golf* is like marriage: If you take yourself too seriously, it won't work, and both are expensive.

The best wood in most amateurs' bags is the pencil.

If your best shots are the practice swing and the 'gimme putt', you might wish to reconsider this game.

David Letterman's Top Ten Reasons Why Golf Is Better Than Sex

#10 A below par performance is considered damn good. #09 You can stop in the middle and have a cheeseburger and a couple of beers. #08 It's much easier to find the sweet spot #07 Foursomes are encouraged. #06 You can still make money doing it as a senior. #05 Three times a day is possible. #04 Your partner doesn't hire a lawyer if you play with someone else. #03 If you live in Florida, you can do it almost every day. #02 You don't have to cuddle with your partner when you're finished.