Love Board

1,727 Responses to "Love Board"

hey BOPO, Draft and Restaurant leagues alike, Hungus and the fine folks at bayside made reference to it via facebook and instagram, and i commented via instagram, but if you have not heard we have a fellow BOPOer/all around great human being, “Deloose cannon” aka Mike Deloose, that has recently suffered a traumatic injury.. we are going to be holding a fundraising day/night at Howies this week Wednesday august 15th.. there will be live music from 9-12 perhaps beyond, a donation bucket or small cover at the door(still figuring out all the details) and we will be donating a percentage of the days proceeds from the bar as well… we always have frosty cold domestic bottles, and im sure we will figure out some additional specials for the night as well, jameson comes to mind if you know the Deloose Cannon.. I hope a few can come support a BOPOer in need, or at the very least keep him in your thoughts!!

For those of you out there looking for some pre-NCAA sporting beer drinking options on the local tip tonight, come on out to check out the Winter League Team Championships at Portland community Squash.

Team Squash is 9 on 9, individual matches, first team to 5 matches wins. Each individual match Ian best 3 out of 5 games. Each game is played to 11 and takes about 10 min or so. Each team has a ladder that plays 1-9.

Consolation match (3rd vs 4th) starts at 6. Finals starts at 730.

This year, the two finals teams are Led Zeppelin and the Beatles (captained by yours truly, Sgt Pepper, playing in the 2-spot).

The best part? It’s totally cool to bring beer into our squash facility for active drinking and cheering.

So come on down tonight to Portland Community Squash at 66 Noyes St (very close to/behind the Great Lost Bear, located in an old synagogue).

With the cancellation of the Thursday matches, I won’t be posting the lines for this week, but I wanted to make my prediction for this year’s Top Dog. I can think of no better way than to have the leading contenders play a game of Slippery Stairs! Watch the below video…the object of the game is simple…be the first to climb the stairs and grab the check. The below clip will reveal my selection for Top Dog. First the candidates: Master Splinter in Yellow; Rev Lord in Blue; Double Cheese in Pink; Glossy Mexican in Green; Crackerjack in Orange; and Buck Ripcord in Red. Let’s go to the videotape…and for those who don’t watch the links in the lines, you must watch these, they are hilarious:

Now that you’ve seen one prediction, please tune into the return of Rooftop Sessions, where this week we will make all our predictions for the season and recap week 1! We will generally record on Sundays and have the episode posted so you can listen on your way to work, then to the lanes, then back from the lanes, then back to work, then running some errands after work, and then home during the following week….and then we will take a break, and then you can listen to the second half of the show. Week 1 guests will be from last year’s champs, giving them one last chance to bask in the glow of their victory before we all try to crush them all season long.

Let’s do the same for the Top Bitch…Your candidates: LaLa in Pink; Nut Sauce in Green; La Gatita in Blue; Mama D in Yellow; Rotini in Orange; All Day Lemay in Red. Nice skirts ladies, here we go:

Just in case you don’t know there will be a MIST tournament at Bayside on Sunday, January 7th – . $60 cash entry. MIST stands for Maine Invitational Scratch Tournament – I now run the thing and I know there are some amazing bowlers in BoPo who I have never seen enter this highly competitive tournament. You may as well give it a try while it is at our favorite house. 4 Game qualifier – then cash prizes paid out…. hell if you don’t want to enter – come on down and watch some fine bowling and support Hungus and Bayside by buying brunch and drinks while you watch. Check-in starts at 8am – bowling at 9am…

Just as a reminder that Hexy and McStriker will be asking everyone this week and next if they want to join in the fun of the 4th Annual Skittles Memorial Tourney. It is $20 a person and we have a total of 60 spots open – of course some of you are very pro-active and have already sign up and paid. It is Sunday September 24th from 11-1pm. There will be a 50/50 and of course we are all raising money for my favorite charity The Boys and Girls Club of Portland. Hexy will have her credit card processor – so not having cash on you will not be accepted as an excuse. If you can’t bowl donations are always welcome. Last year we raise over $2,000 – lets BoPo Crush that number this year.

Wanted to say hi, cheers, and best to all of my friends at Bayside. Way to go. I’m going to be in California for the long haul, and miss all of you. Brought my ball out here, but haven’t used it yet…, Which means I’m just going to have to bring it back to Maine when I visit… Thunder will meet his match…have a great Draft league this season, great bunch of people you are, roll one for me! I will do the same. No pun intended
Colucci Kidy

In heart of the ‘Love Board’ I would like to take this opportunity to finish what I wanted to say when I had the mic, but was probably a bit too nervous and in the early stages of a brown out. Note to all BoPo’ers who may ever roll in a Championship game, don’t forget to eat!

Walter gave us all a bit of a scare this year. The team glue Walter provides is real and we decided as a team when he wasnt there game 1 of the season to dedicate this season to Walter. To have the chance to see him hold the BoPo Cup Saturday night will be forever ingrained in my mind. (First repeat?!?) What started out as an excuse for two brothers in their early 20’s to rush outta work on Fridays and hang together Sundays and drink Jamo & Gingers like they were going out of style, turned into much, much more. If it wasnt for Walter I wouldnt have got into bowling and joined BoPo and met the great friends. Take Master Splinter for example, who never stops coaching (Your welcome General Lee for the 236 he coached you through, against us in the 2v2 semis;^), never stops giving back to the sport, and never stops partying (my man). I had no idea who he was before NSauces browned-out PBA recruitment. (She really owns Walters manager of the year btw). Then there’s Nut Sauce. Oh Nut Sauce, where to start:^) One of the most consist shots in history, is a good place to start, so smooth! Nothing like a girl who can kick your butt and talk smack equally as well! We would have had to forfeit or play a bowler down 2 or 3 nights if she hadn’t sacrificed having to drive to NH after late games for her job, in snow storms, only to have to have the alarm ringing at 600am.(Uphill both ways too) Just 2 awesome people who absolutely love to bowl and party, which is the websters definition of BoPo. 2nd year BoPo’ers and seem like lifers. Beef StrokedOff alright, what seemed like all night long baby! Can’t say enough about the energy and chemistry Beef brings to the table. The only real downfall here is availability due to real world obligations.(real world?) Kid is an absolute weapon and now has a Playoff MVP to prove it. Chilly, oh sweet, sweet Chilly Sauce. She showed up each week, practiced on her game relentlessly and was the ultimate team player. Her shot has come so far in such short time, expect big things from Chilly Sauce. Oh and Chilly decided to officially join the Saucier family this fall, so expect a picture of the BoPo Cup at our wedding, possibly head table center piece. Uncle Popo and Kathy Nash did not make it to BoPo as many nights as they had wished, but they remained a strong presence regardless of not making the Playoff roster. . Since they are recently no longer homeless, life should quite down some, but thinking not. And big shout out to Robby Bobby for being our biggest fan and for also producing all us Saucier boys. #Saucy4Life

So that’s kinda it I guess. Probably left something out again and bored many of you. Just wanted to end this with a huge shout out to Turkey Club for being amazing opponents and a perennial favorite, love you guys. Thank you to Hungus for all that you do to make the BoPo league happen, and most of all thank YOU all for making BoPo so much fun and what it has become today. #bowlportland

Hey it’s PBA WEEK. so as usual that means that something has come up and I have to sell a ticket! (3rd year in a row)
Saturday 1 ticket up for grabs face value. Send me a message on Facebook or reply here if you’re interested
Thank you
GOT

Creepy greetings aside, I have a coed softball team that is playing in Casco Bay’s Tuesday night league starting in May. Our team is in need of one more female player (sorry dudes, all full up). Only requirement is that you have like…swung a softball bat and own a glove and generally know how the game is played. (Shockingly, I’ve wound up on teams where this is NOT the case). $86 for the season, 12 games plus 2 guaranteed playoff games. First person to respond gets the spot! Either let me know here or shoot me an email at gcarusone3 @ gmail.com for quickest response.

I will run it. $5 winner take all. Have to complete your sheets and have them to me by 5:30 p.m. today. I will have some sheets at lanes at 5:00 p.m. Can’t make it can also email to me at leding1@yahoo.com and we can settle up later, figure out a way to get a pdf and send to me I don’t want to be filling brackets out for folks.

I would just like to say that I feel very honored to be a part of so many songs on Tuesdays. I haven’t gotten this much play since Ron Burgundy gave me a mustache ride back in ’04.https://youtu.be/Dh95taIdCo0

Can the Counsel of Keglers please ponder the notion of making, if not both, at least BoPo Draft a sanctioned league? – so perhaps more BoPo’ers would be willing and able to attend all the State and City Tournaments. They are great fun and of course there are cash prizes to be won. And of course I would be more than willing to help make it happen.

I always feel disappointed when I hear folks in our league talk about how “BoPo” they are and how “un-BoPo” someone else is.

I cannot stress this enough we are all BoPo. Whether you’ve been BoPo for ten years or ten weeks we are all BoPo! Folks that come here and enjoy our home away from home are all BoPo too. Hunugs founded this league on inclusion not exclusion. Just because you don’t bowl in our league or call another house home doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be treated just like we treat every single one of us when we walk in the door. We are the most inclusive league in the world from our 89 bowlers to our 209 bowlers and we always will be.

Last week was abysmal. Not a single actual song. It was one thing to have to my earbuds in when Jerks of Grass would play. I really dont want to have to listen to my own stuff when there is someone playing “tunes” 4 lanes away

Just like Tom Brady spotting the league 4 games, BUI is back from bye this week and ready to turn the Lion’s Den into the Cleveland Browns. Rick, you’re my boy, but after we’re done with you you’ll be buried so deep even the hyenas won’t be able to get at your bones.

Since the smack board has been virtually non-existent this season (Where’s Tush Christ? No comments from anyone in almost a week?), in our boredom Thursday night is here to provide some alternative meanings of TDYOB for your entertainment. Yes, yes, we know, Bork this and Bork that. But here’s what TDYOB should mean, in random order:

– The Dude You Only Blow
– The Dicks You Obviously Bang
– Tacos Destroy Your Only Butt
– To Date Your Own Brother
– Three Dicks, Your Own Butt
– This Day You Order Burritos
– The Dude You Only Boink
– That Dick You Own, Bitch
– Tugging Dicks Yields Only Bastards
– This Dad’s Yellow Old Balls
– Tits Dangle Your Own Balls
– Tiny Dicks Yank On Boys
– That Dirty Yelling Old Bastard
– Take Dick You Obnoxious Balls
– Turtles Dominate Your Only Butt
– The Danish Yell Only Bullshit
– The Day You Only Bitch
– Tattoos Decorate Your Only Ball
– That Dude Yanks on Beards
– This Dude Yells “Oh, Behave”
– Tough Dick, Yank On Balls
– Those Dirty Youths Only Bang
– Try Drinking Your Own Blood
– Those Dicks Yell Obscenities. Bastards.
– Tough Dudes Yell Only Beyoncé.

Lets check in how Sparkie’s doing.
Spark’butt’Plugg:Punctual, posting 10 minutes before 5:30 matchups is weak sauce. Creative, drone-esque writing is a cause for a weak sauce rating. Funny, maybe end or start with a joke need more laughs clown. All this = Weak Sauce

Sharks & Strikes -1 vs. Oddballs
Oddballs found their stroke last week taking T-Club to the last frame of game 3 before Heartbreak Kid lived up to his name. Sharks crushed OC and are looking strong with the 4th best avg in BoPo and leading the league in shirtless strikes. This should be a good battle but I’ll take Sharks because they are giving me a ride to Bayside later.

Saucy Posse -1 vs. SOD
Splinter got back on track last week and Nut Sauce is on pace to obliterate whatever the highest lady avg is. SOD took Yahtzee to game 3… which probably won’t be easy this season. Valley Gurl is a beast and Dentist is rolling consistent. SOD’s depth keeps them close but Saucy’s fire power gets the win.

Hazzard -1 vs. Cape Fear
I have no idea who is going to show up for Hazzard. I don’t know if they have a permanent 2nd girl yet. I got zip. Cape Fear couldn’t beat Ball That last week and will probably have the privilege of being the only team to be able to say that this year. I’m gonna assume one of Hazzard’s ringers makes an appearance and that’s the difference

Late

Turkey Club -5 vs. Binga’s
Apparently Bucky’s birthday went by without a 56 game this year (boo), so that means we have no chance at Top Dawg. Binga’s got a Saucy beatdown last week but they rolled pretty good. Club should keep rolling as Minor finally stops breaking my heart and bowls well.

Yahtzee -7 vs. BEER
BEER is coming off the bye week and Hungus is coming off a National Championship and surgery. Yahtzee is down Lala tonight and BEER has a large roster and everyone gets to bowl. In this case, less is more. Gunz steals a couple points and Brandy rolls well but it won’t be enough.

OC -3 vs. Spare of the Dog
I can’t imagine Gutterboy thought he would start the season 0-3, but here we are. They’ve had a tough schedule to start and have gotten good scores from Gboy, Oz, and Nuber. The Dogs got their first win last week. No idea who their other girl will be, but I know it won’t be Hootie as she has left for love. OC has too much power at the top and wins this one.

Strikes on Tap (-4) v 3 Livers – It hasn’t exactly been a year to write home about for 3 Livers so far, but not sure they give too much of a shit. Kind of like the Philly 76ers, Its about the party. I respect that. As for Strikes, this may be a great opportunity to get that crucial first win. Will Bernie actually show up and help the Livers pull off the upset? Ummm. No. The Kid and The Cleaner will roll the Strikes to victory.

Pinups v Whoomp (-1) – The Pinups hung around for two games but ran out of gas in a loss last week. They face a Whoomp team coming off a loss of their own. The Pinups will need Manson and SIlky Pete to to put the pressure on the Whoomp if they want their first win this year. The pattern has been good to those straight bowlers, so Pete could have a solid night. Pinups will make it a game, but Loser DOnuts will bring the heroics in Gae 3 to close the deal.

Splits Happen (-4) v Hookers – Make no mistake about it, Splits Happen was taken to the old woodshed last week by Incredibowls. Xander and company now have to regroup against the dangerous Hookers. This is a must win for Splits if they want to stay in the title hunt. As for the Hookers, quite a season so far. The average is solid, with very consistent scoring across the board. As good as it has been, the high points will be difficult to come by against Splits, so this game will come down to the lows and overall. I like Splits, but possibly closer than most think.

BILF (-2) v Bowl Trolls – The Bowlers everyone wants to bone finally had a breakout star this year with Dinah-Moe Humm flirting with a 200 and finishing with a solid series in a win last week. It helped get them back on track, just in time to face the surging Trolls. Everyone on BILF fully expects Honey Bear to throw like an 800 series against them like he did last year as a member of NED (maybe it wasn’t an 800 series, but it fucking felt like it). Look for some early SoCo shots to help motivate the BILF to get rolling. This one is definitely going to Game 3, with BILF’s depth being the difference.

Incredibowls (-5) v Wrecking Balls – The entire Incredibowls roster brought the pain last week in a truly dominating performance. Now looking like the favorite again, the Bowls face a Wrecking Balls team coming off their first win of the season. It may be a long night for the Wrecking crew. God of Thunder and Spidey are already in midseason form, and new teammates Red Turkey and Cupcake have really improved the squad. Probably over in two games, but you never know what may happen on a stormy Tuesday night at Bayside.

Game of the Night: My Balls (-3) v No Eye Deer – It’s been a slow start from the defending Tuesday champ, NED. Burt the Bandit will have to have his A-Game this week against the class of Tuesday B in 2017. My Balls is off to a hot start, and if they bowl their average they should be in a good position to come off the bye and keep the undefeated streak alive. Though a week off on this pattern could also spell disaster. Still think the Balls are big enough, especially with the frontline depth that they can whip out.

Just to let everyone know – I put the 2017 City Championship Entry Forms at the front desk. It will be held at Bayside March 25 & 26th. This is a USBC Sanctioned event. If you are not a USBC member you have to purchase a membership card for $18. This is a singles, doubles and team (4 person) event – with cash prizes in both the scratch and handicap division. There is a open, women’s and youth division. If you have any questions – you all know where to find me.

New podcast episode is up where we interview Portland Lumberjack Kyle Troup! It is also available on iTunes and the Apple Podcast App. If you want to be on an upcoming BOPO recap episode please reach out to Crackerjack or myself.

Umm there were 2 topless dudes bowling in the party pit last night. If you want us all to take MDMA and literally roll whilst rolling, let us know. Apart from that I’m not sure what kind of party you’re looking for.

Agree the Party Pit was bringing. Tango was scratching Yacthze and XXX Club stayed and partied but 4 teams partying hard doesn’t make a 12 lane Thursday late games throwdown! Sharks and Strikes brought the effing heat last night, they are the leader in the clubhouse for TOTY!

Swing by tomorrow night Thursday late will show you a dance party I think that is what Mona is looking for. Let’s do this Thursday night, come on Ooile get that wave going kid, Hungus send us a Lucky Train dawg, Ramrod and LouDawg bring the heat. Let’s go Thursday it is time to party.

Yo podcast guys a little league talk would be good bros. Don’t make my fucking ass come out of retirement because I will. I love to hear myself talk, I make myself laugh.

We’d love to have PBA titlist and 255 guy Dr. Thunder on the show sometime! We need to work out the logistics of doing our first live show from the lanes and get some guys out there throwing some games and having a few beers and record it.

True but it is easy. TDYOB spent a season in Tuesday A in 2011. We got our ass kicked every fucking night. That get the shit taste out of your mouth happy hour rolling is now Wednesday rather than Friday and your entire week is fucked. Way easier to get loose on a Thursday than it is on a Tuesday. The Tuesday teams that do are hardcore as fucks, the ones that don’t it is understandable Thursday getting loose, that is easy, but Thursday late gets fucking loose! That is why I request all late games. Munson begged for 4 early this year, if he wasn’t my boy I would have kicked him off the team like I did with Itz, Pete, Shifter, Brandy and LouDawg after they got TOTY!

Hey nerds, just your yearly reminder- Please put your shoes, coats, and bags in cubbies, lockers, cars, Etc.- NOT on the floor, table tops, backs of chairs. Every day, I see at least three empty cubbies just waiting to be filled with the shit that y’all have just strewn about. Speaking of what goes on table tops (plates and cups generally, in case you were unsure) six cell phones covering most of the table is enough to throw a server into a panic as he or she is trying to put down a drink while tripping over three pairs of winter boots and an empty bowling bag, and reaching over the chair that’s falling backwards because it has three purses and nine winter coats slung over the back. Unless you’re straight baller with that new fangled iPhone 7 that can scuba dive, you’re gonna get shit spilled on it. Then you’ll just frantically take out ALL of the napkins and it will just be annoying for everyone. Hey, you know where cups DON’T go? Those cups that touch your mouth and hands (which touch your dirty bowling balls, or your dirty man balls because you don’t wash your hands after you go to the bathroom)? Cups don’t go in the condiment and napkin holders. Please stop. Those things are supposed to stay as clean as possible for everyone. Finally, please do not keep your giant bowling bag down on the lanes- take the 9 balls that you don’t really even need out, load them onto the rack, and store the bags in your locker, or on one side of the ramped entrance- please do not put your bowling bags that you wheel through the parking lot on top of the counter above the house ball rack. FOOD goes there- not your bowling bag that you likely wheeled through cigarette butts, vehicle fluids, homeless/drunk people fluids, and probably solids and fluids from dogs, and that cute little possum I see prancing around sometimes. I repeat: FOOD GOES THERE.

PS if I ever find a pile of trimmed fingernails atop a table again, they are going directly into your soda water with lemon.

Just a couple other quick reminders, my dears. We love that you feel comfortable at Bayside but let’s not let that comfortablity slide into just plain laziness. Please, please do your best not to stick your finger tape or gum onto or in the glassware. The bar gets slammed during BoPo hours and the last thing we want to have to do is peel sticky stuff that’s been in your mouth off of the stuff people drink out of. And lastly, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, STOP SPITTING YOUR DIP INTO EMPTY BEER BOTTLES. come find me at the bar and I will gladly give you some sort of plastic cup with a napkin. We love BoPo nights and we do work hard to ensure you guys have a great night. Please help us do the same. Thank you!

Hey all, quick question…somewhat unrelated to bowling, but needing some assistance so I can get to my Tuesday game with my move finished so then I can concentrate on Bowling. I’m toward the end of moving out all of the contents of my house, tons of boxes to unpack. My help has flaked out, and rather than look for help on Craigslist, I was wondering if I could get a couple of people reading this to work for $25/hour cash to help me move and unpack boxes tomorrow…Any takers available? My new place is at Mother’s Beach in Kennebunk. Trying to plan a big Sunday push, starting earlier than later. Thanks, Brian, 730-8679

damn, I miss you automatic! Who am I supposed to talk shit to on UREA! now? Tuesday, Friday, Thursday, Sunday….. who cares! Again with fact talk, we gonna crush these lucky charms whatever night you give us Hungus. But we would love to have a full squad this week and party together! Guac!!!

I’ve had the good fortune to be in and out of this league since 2008. Yeah I know I am old, bald, obnoxious.

I also know I am in the best bowling league in the entire fucking world! I take that super seriously. BoPo X Thursday night please show them how we do tonight. Super bummed to miss the night, but heading to Tampa.

Party Time>Punch You in the Eye. Dancing will abound. Dr Thunder going to be breakin like he was Kid Loose. Spooky going to be shaking her money maker. Duck and Cuz will Ben double dutching all night. Rick Vaughn will get his Irish Jig on. Farmer will stand around and smile and ensure everyone is safe. Munson will be Munson. Which means no dancing. I hear Sneaky Pete will be Sneaky Absent. We’ll make up for her with our party sqaud. Waddy Waddy Waddy. Oye Oye Oye. JembaZembra! And of course there will be a man who lives in a Cave.

As for the actual bowling, who knows? Lions Den looking to be 2-0 and near the top of the standings after this week and feeling pretty confident that we can do it.

One thing I known for sure? Ricky V most definitely will beat Dr Thunder tonight. Book it.

Hungus is currently being deposed and does not have access to a computer.

Here are lines via reigning champ Sparkles, please enjoy:

Early

Yahtzee (-5) vs. Off Constantly

Sparkles vs Gutterboy is always fun as they battled for Draft League top dawg all season but unfortunately for OC, Yahtzee is just way too deep. Lala has been killing it the last 6 months and Cheddar is finally not a cripple. OC made the biggest free agent pickups this year (Gboi, Coco Lopez) but the defending champs are still hungry. #biased

Turkey Club (-7) vs. Ball That

Ball That would probably be a solid team on a different day of the week, but unfortunately there aren’t any crossovers this year and Casco Bay rolls on Mondays and Wednesdays. Club is trying to avoid being the only 3 time runner up in BoPo… Can’t really see them pulling a Carolina Panthers just yet despite how lost Roadhouse appears on this pattern. Minor and Bucky carry the load this week.

Late

Sharks & Strikes (-3) vs. Cape Fear

This might be the best worst rivalry of Tuesday A. Cape Fear can’t stand Sharks “antics” but also shouldn’t be able to stand next to them on the lanes. Soccer Dad and the Paw family have been putting in the time on this pattern but Roo is back, Dick is better and have you met Railroad? I’m keeping the line low because game 3 will be a shitshow

Saucy Posse (-5) vs. Strikes of Hazzard

No one knows which of Hazzards studs will show up on a weekly basis, and I have no clue who they replaced Candy Dix with after LOS kifed her. Saucy apparently is in it to win it this season. Splinter and Nut Sauce have pretty much quit bowling sober and rumor has it they might even both show up for once. General and LB vs Nut Sauce and Splinter would be a great battle, but unfortunately for Hazzard, Saucy has other bowlers who can hold their own.

Binga’s (-1) vs. Sons of Danarchy

This match should be the Game of the Week. Binga’s is a heat check team with top caliber talent fueled by THC. SOD is that ultra consistent team that rolls 650-680 all the time and can wear teams down by game 3. The ladies battle in this match looks like it will be fun to watch. This pattern seems like one that Jerk and Chernobes excel that, so I’ll take Binga’s narrowly.

Oddballs (-1) vs. BEER

It might be a few weeks before we see how Oddballs fare against the Tuesday A field but right now I’d have them #6 on Tuesday rankings (which would be #3 on Thursday). Heartbreak Kid throws a rocket but may split a lot late. Twisted T is lefty and as Minor says… “It’s way easier to be lefty”. Everyone else should hold their own. BEER has said farewell to Natro, added The Dude and Tom Richards is back. Rumor has it they have an 8 person roster, everyone is getting games and they may even has a designated drinker this season (I’ll sub in if needed). Hungus/Gunz/Brandy/Dude is a top tier lineup but I’ll take Oddballs because I have no idea who’s bowling for BEER and when

Looking to get in touch with Swanny. I’m an idiot and accidentally threw away his email after Michaela was kind enough to give it to me – matyerkes@gmail.com if anyone has contact info or if the man himself sees it. Thanks guys; definitely appreciate it.

Looking for team to join for BoPo 2017. I thought I would see some chatter regarding teams, but now I am afraid that I missed the boat. I think I would be a good 4th point for an A team or good add to a B team. If your are or you know of someone looking for a teammate, give me a shout.

Definitely don’t take it personally, it’s not that you missed the boat, it’s that teams have already been full up, some for years. The only reason I got in was because my first Bopo team was on the brink of dissolving and needed a new lady bowler. We’ll see what happens with the expansion, but good to make yourself known!

FYI, I’ll be moving from Kennebunk to Portland soon, so if there are subs needed or someone drops out, I’m game this winter as well… free to give a shout! I plan to be living on the East End, which inspired my bowling name, and no, I won’t be changing it to Hilltop. Will be working from home and newly, amicably divorced, so availability will be good, league or pickup games. Good luck to all and Happy Holidays, Colucci

Yo Cleaner somehow I got the gig as Colucci’s secretary. He says to please contact him at 207-730-8679 to discuss him joining the squad. Something about a conference call coming up and not checking BB much when I texted him.

I am looking to get in to the skittles tournament, it would be a great last tournament for me before I leave for South Carolina. If any guy can’t make it, please let me know and I would love to take your spot! Either way, see everyone there.

There’s a lot or early movement on the free agent and waiver wire for BoPo 2017! As a result, Splits Happen (Tuesday B) is looking for a couple new teammates (male or female). We had a great season last year, and hope to keep our momentum going into 2017! If you’re looking for a new beginning drop me a line… Xander (Matt)msukes@gmail.com

What the hell is going on over there? I sit out one draft league and it goes to shit? If League Watcher is in draft league and wants out, I’ll buy his/her spot. Anyone looking for a 175 bowler with a suspect wheel who will quietly get drunk in the corner of the booth and yell obscenities at Thunder?

I didn’t realize how much a frat house this was until League Watcher opened my eyes. I always thought those letter abbreviations were for team names like Living on a Spare, Bowling under the influence, and Back in Black. The truth is now apparent to me, I look forward to bowling against Lambda Omicron Sigma in the finals and hoisting my team’s banner on to the wall so everybody can bask in the glow of Beta Upsilon Iota.
I will also be changing my bowling name to Chad

Your true colors have been shown. Sorry you were stuffed in your locker in high school, butthat wasn’t me, and actually if you knew me at all in high school (and yes I was a popular football player) I would have come to your aid and stopped you from being shoved in your locker. That is a fact.

I do love the league, and I do love to party. Doesn’t make me who you think I am though, and frankly I could care less. Flame on anonymous Troll.

You just can’t keep your mouth shut! It’s irresistible. Homophobic? How so? I just said you were popular in r
the shower. Isn’t that your MO? Being popular? Ghost posting and being loud for the attention? And hey, giving one off the wrist doesn’t make you a homo, just popular with the guys. And I’m the troll? How many times have you ghost posted on here trashing other people, so folks will know it’s you and give you even more attention, kind of like now. Did Dr. Thunder wrote this????????

You know what Thunder? I’m gonna come down there tomorrow night, smack you silly in front of your friends, and make you eat your fucking bowling shoe, and love it. That’s all you have for a come back, grammar issues? You’re a silly little fucker ain’t ya? You make me laugh.

Whoa! Now he’s a tough guy! Make it 7 out back where we won’t be interrupted. I recall you calling someone out on here a few years ago? Someone said you were an ass, you responded by calling them son, I believe? Well son, I’m older than you, and I’m calling you out, you can’t ass. Make sure you bring some tongs or know a decent proctologist, I’m gonna shove your shoe so far down your fucking throat it’s gonna come out your ass.

Thunder, I’m just yanking your chain. Kinda sucks when someone starts riding your ass when your just hanging with your friends trying to bowl and you get constantly shit on by someone such as yourself who trolls the smackboard. Take it easy old man, I’m done having a piss at your expense.

Nope doesn’t suck at all. Didn’t bother me one bit. Thanks for playing. Sorry we won’t get to see you tomorrow night. I can take a joke and can take the hate. I’m not the tough guy you said you wanted to come down and fight. I just simply stated when I would be around. Thanks for bringing the board back in your old weird ass way.

I think you were out a long time ago man, and were just trudging up old shit trying to get a rise. I think in fact your team didn’t ask you back a few years ago. Odd bowling style, very odd, similar to your trolling style.

Out of the 10 yrs in BoPo, the only thing that has ever gotten under my skin besides Thunder(trending), 4,326 tall White Russians, and enough THC to inebriate all of Europe, hands down has GOT to be Anonymous posters.

Sure, if your angle is humor, the wit can be undeniable.

However, if your angle is to properly communicate an emotion you are feeling towards certain people or a bowling center or specific bowling league, whatever it is, are insane to think this is the proper venue and clearly shows you havent been paying attention for ‘6 years’.

But of course, if you are just wanting to talk smack, me being the long time advocate of the board and all things of smack, lets fucking goooooooo! (even tho you sounds more like complaining than smack talk, i will play along for the sake of the board keep on topic.)

What we have here is clearly nothing but an internet troll & an elite keyboard warrior.

In public you smile and nod, but behind the veil of watcher, you spew hate towards a fun and welcoming group of people that may not have given you the warm welcome you desired? Playing victim in a scenario of pastimes and recreational activites invalidates any point you are trying to make and makes you one of the biggest party poopers in history.

When you went to school and didnt like Timmy, did your mom pull you from school and transfer districts? Maybe, if you had a #TigerMom, but the vast majority of us learned social skills and ways to avoid or understand certain people that are different from ourselves. I mean this isn’t advance Pysch, hell its not even intro to psych. We are talking primary school level social skills here. Get out from behind your screen and get some fresh air, youve been watching too long!

If anything, we BoPo’ers are going to unite from under the hate you spewed. You’d be foolish to think we are not going to party even harder this year, its our Ten Year and a sick new pad to boot mate! Even you cant stop this if you wanted too!

If you are not looking to Bowl and Party, Party and bowl, then you’ve come to the wrong place and the idea to Brexit sounds like your best course of action.

Also, I call bluff on being in the league 6 years. From the sound of your drivel, I’d say 2 years max.

Miss you in draft league buddy, though I loved putting the smack down on Walter in week 2 this Fall. You Sauces really need to step up your bowling! And your drinking is terrible also. Get in gear already!

Now that I know about your inner feelings, you can go ahead and call me Sauce-Watcher. Perhaps that should be my next tattoo? Or I could get one of the ping pong table in Bingas Lounge since we both know you’re no match for me there either….

Always a possibility but not this time. I am with Sauce on League Watcher and Another League Watcher time to move on. Nothing either of these folks has written has bothered me in any way. They both have a right to their opinions.

Sauce you are vastly missed in Draft my man.

And full disclosure I do have Frat letters tattooed on my ankle.

My God I do love a good Frat party!

Tasty Burger going for point 5 tomorrow night, gonna be loud and gonna be partying.

TUSH CHRIST takes very little away from this. Except, how can a left handed bowler be so pissy? TUSH CHRIST is a lefty, and that is why TUSH CHRIST has to do very little to roll his monster scores. TUSH CHRIST has found BoPo very welcoming, but that’s probably because TUSH CHRIST has winning personality. Maybe Watcher needs to take up Competitive Couponing. There is less shit-talking and more sweet deals. Best of luck Watcher.

Oh don’t worry, our Big Party knows how to throw down. He’s on the fast track to replacing Rubbys as my BoPo spirit animal. I hear Thunder passed on this guy because he was too much party for Thunder’s troupe.

My oh my, I haven’t been on the board since last winter, but there sure is a lot of talk going on right now and BoPo is still a few months away.

Since there are a lot of people reading and writing on the board, I wanted to take a few minutes and update you on some bowling etiquette.

Do not bowl when the sweep is down. You do know what the sweep is, correct? It’s the arm that ‘sweeps’ all 10 pins off the floor. Well, it always sweeps 10 pins for me because I roll strikes. Do you really want Invisible Hand to come down and speak to you in front of all of your mates for rolling a ball down the lane before the sweep has completed it’s cycle?

Do not roll multiple balls at once. This seems like a pretty easy rule to follow. Bowling is easy, 2 balls, 10 pins. I only need one ball to knock all 10 pins down, I know the majority of you need 2, but please do NOT roll them at the same time. And notice I sad ‘roll’ not throw. Take note Dr Thunder…

Do be ready when it’s your turn to bowl. Remain in your lane area while your teammates are bowling; don’t wander off. I know you need to say hi to your best friends boyfriends sister, but remember there will most likely be games after yours. We don’t want people bowling until 11pm on a school night, now do we.

As opening night nears, I will most likely increase the amount of postings. I do hope you take this advice and use it while bowling. We want to make bowling an enjoyable experience for everyone.

Don’t get me wrong I love jammin’ out to dine great music while bowling, but can we please take the volume down a notch??
It’s draft league. These are people I normally don’t bowl with. I want to meet them and Talk with them! We’ve been lucky if we can even hear our own team chant lately. So please, spare our hearing and give us tunes (Just not at concert level) so e can socially party while knocking down pins Thank you, Ringing ears on Alder Street

Huh what was that? I can’t hear you over the sound of how awesome league was last night. Draft league is starting to feel like a BoPo night, and every night should aspire to be like a BoPo night. . . . Unless you’re Dr. Thunder, tone it down bro you’re like 41 now, you can’t keep chasing your 20’s forever. <3

This league is like a never ending college frat party. Clicky, trendy. Popularity contest. Most expensive place to bowl in Maine. And Dr. Thunder types who are permanent fixtures suck. Never met a group of unfriendly people in my life. Bowling is a blue collar sport that is affordable. Thanks for the experience but I’m done.

Watcher, while your observations are for the the most part accurate I would say look a little closer before you split. For every 1 giant douche who’s halfway between the frat house and the country club there are 5 cool, friendly people just hanging out. Hint: They aren’t always the bowlers with the best averages! But for arguments sake here are some excellent bowlers who are also really nice people: McStriker, Duke Thunderwood, Gutterboy, Deputy, Viking, Valley Girl Jess, G-Unit, Magic, Danny D, Sparetime. Unfortunately some people who have been in the league a very long time and feel very passionately about it also are not very excited to welcome new people (unless they are excellent bowlers of course). Not sure why that is but it’s a shame. Focus on the positive people and stick it out!

Thanks but 6 years is enough. Bayside has turned into an elitist hangout. The PBA has gone right to it’s collective inflated head. I’ve never heard more trash talking of other houses in the area, I find half the bar staff rude and surly. Never any late or affordable specials so you can practice, other than 15$ an hour but only at certain times. It’s about money first and customer appreciation last. And I’m sorry, the Dr. Thunder types, especially him, are just loud and obnoxious. Hard to be around when you live the game and it’s blue collar roots. Thanks for your suggestions and trying to be positive but I just don’t see it. And I have met some cool people , and some that you mentioned, but that place has killed the fun of the game I love so I’ll quietly bow out. Good luck to you.

^ Clearly Dr. Thunder, who always has to have the last word. Has to have every word. Look BRO, no matter how many people come on here to defend you there’s still all the people that can’t stand you. And it’s because of stuff you’ve done and said. You made the bed, lie in it. OR: try being a decent person to everyone, most of the time and people will leave you alone. Period.

Well, League Watcher and Price Watcher are both right, but seems like League Watcher has a good knowledge of the specials out there. I would like to let you know, League Watcher, that we have $15/hr league rate other than 6-9 (til 10 on Fri/Sat) so that seems pretty comparable. We also do offer $2 games on Mondays 8-close. But I’m not sure pricing is your biggest concern – it seems like you have had some bad experiences with customers and staff here and as I said I’d be happy to talk to you about that if you care to email me, but in terms of pricing it is definitely incorrect to say that we are the most expensive center. I guess if you play by game, and play kind of slower, you could technically argue some of those pricing models can be cheaper at certain times than Bayside, we generally assume 6 games per hour here.

Anyway as I said earlier please contact me if you would like to discuss any of your concerns about Bayside Bowl bowlportland@gmail.com

You aren’t leaving quietly, you are taking personal potshots at people behind the protection of the internet just like all the internet trolls out there. If you have a problem with me you can come discuss it to my face.

A.) I am nice to everyone in the league, do I bust balls yes, but it is never personal
B.) I am loud and obnoxious but I am just having fun, if that impedes on your good time I apologize
C.) I am a customer, but to me Bayside isn’t trying to be every bowling alley out there, I liken it to a bar that serves good food and happens to have lanes
D.) The staff is the best in the land, hands down

I feel sorry for you, that you cannot just relax and have a good time I really do. Don’t let the door hit you on the way out whoever you are without the courage to use your real name.

Well Thunder, sorry I called you a jerk. But your reply above says it all and kind of encapsulates my point that Bayside is closed club, ands constant frat party. Exclusive of those that are there 24/7. Do you roll in any other houses? Probably not.

League Watcher I am not a bowler. I am not there 24/7 and I have bowled in a number of alleys here in Maine and in Florida. I agree we have a frat type atmosphere I do not contest that point. That said I have only bowled in other alleys (Yankee Lanes BoPo 2010 and it was a frat like atmosphere), and then others here and there from time to time. But I don’t compete at bowling, I don’t take it very seriously, it is something fun and social to do in the winter while having some cocktails with friends. So I understand I have poor lane etiquette and am loud and obnoxious and am there for the frat party and not the bowling. I honestly could care less about bowling and being competitive at it. So it does sound we are looking for two different scenes. Sorry if my antics offended you.

Well this was a surprise to read on the old smack board today. Disappointed to see this. I’ve never seen anything but friendly faces and smiles in my experiences here. While I would like to think of both the center and the league as being very inclusive, I guess not everyone may experience it the same way I do.

As someone who spends a lot of time contributing to the party that is bowl portland, I wold wager that perhaps these comments are somewhat directed at me as well.

Hungus, you know I got nothing but love for ya. League Watcher, sorry to hear of your experiences. I consider both Bayside and BowlPortland a home away from home for me. I hope that others can say the same and I would also hope that if people find me to be contributing to a negative or exclusive experience in some way that they would come to me and talk about it.

I’m fairly new to the league and not really a big partier or even particularly good at bowling but BOPO has provided me a really great opportunity to get to know a lot of really kind, funny, happy and passionate people. I always hoped the folks who talk smack about Dr. Thunder were doing so tongue-in-cheek but to the haters out there let me suggest you play a game or two with him and you’ll find a guy who loves bowling and who is just as happy for your success as he is for his own success. Plus he is a great family man and more of a mush than you know. Sorry Thunder if I’m blowing your cover :-). League Watcher I think you’re the one being an elitist because it seems clear that you haven’t gotten below the surface. Maybe your loss is our win.

There is no surface to get below with that guy. He’s a jerk. But yeah, that’s why I’m bailing after 6 years. And it’s for everyone’s gain. Elitist I’m not. Good luck and have fun. I just don’t fit with the scene. And it is too expensive.

You know what, I’m gonna pile on here. Dr Thunder is a grade A asshat. he’s loud, he tries to be intimidating, sometimes he may have a few too many beers, and if this is a frat he’s an John Belushi on a raging coke bender. But Mike (lastname redacted because interwebs) is an awesome guy. He once went well out of his way for me to get me a job interview at his company, and he barely knew me at the time, heck he barely knows me now outside of bowling context. Everything he ever posts on facebook is absolute 21st century poetry about how much he loves his wife. Or pictures of his kids. If I were to make a list of people at Bayside that would give you the shirt off their back to help you out, he’d be one of them.

Anyone that hate’s Dr. Thunder can’t see it’s just a show. If you’re offended by him talk to him. The man is far different from the on lane persona, and I guarantee you he’ll buy you a beer and apologize.

Wow.. This is all surprising and sad to read. I have to say in defense of the bar staff.. I have NEVER had myself or heard of from anyone having anything but excellent service. Maybe someone was having a bad day but hey, doesn’t everyone once in a while? And really as far as pricing goes.. Bayside is the only alley in the state that should charge anywhere close to the prices that lanes are charging these days. Charlie is one of the only owners who actually cares about the sport and wants to see it grow, this goes for lanes in and out of the state of Maine. Prices continue to go up in every bowling center but Bayside is the only house making improvements to benefit the bowlers. The atmosphere in BoPo and Draft League is amazing.. It’s electric.. One of a kind! Being new to BoPo last year I was certainly nervous about bowling with an entire league of people I didn’t know, but I have never felt more welcomed into such a large group of amazing people. I have literally not met a single person at Bayside that was unkind or unfriendly. I’m rambling now but I just wanted to put my opinion out there in defense of Bayside, it’s leagues and its staff. Keep doing what you’re doing! You are for sure the diamond in the rough, my friend!

I think Crackerjack has the best angle here, well said. Dr. Thunder is a persona that may get under some’s skin but the real person is a good guy just out to have fun and blow off some steam. Trust me, in the middle of my team laying the beat down on his last week he was nothing but gracious and congratulatory. Cut the man some slack. If nothing else just try to work it out with him one on one so tthe rest of us can get back to BoPo’in. As far as prices go: Sure there’s no super deals going on but look at how busy Bayside is all the time! Lanes are at a premium, discounting would probably just make our pain worse. Hungus and staff have been super generous with the league rate and all us yahoos loitering every day. In all the years I’ve been an BoPo the league rate or team rate has not been increased once. That’s kind of incredible considering there’s a line around the block to get into the league and pretty much everything in Portland is more expensive than it was 8 years ago. Food and drinks are super reasonable too. League Watcher: I’ve definitely seen the cliques, some bad sportsmanship and a few people who don’t get it. But I do believe that the good people at BoPo outnumber the bad by about 99-1. For a bunch of crazies (myself included) that’s a pretty good ratio. I hope you stick around and find your niche. If not good luck to you.

I will say the league has evolved quite a bit in the short 5 years I’ve been coming here.
It gets more competitive each year. Some people love it, some people don’t. It is easy to feel left behind.

Mainly it comes down to the fact that I (along with many others) enjoy $2.50 mooseheads, beer frames, healthy competition and rolling balls. There area few mean character types here, that goes without saying. I consider everyone to be my buddy or at least a friendly acquaintance.

the study of the development, structure, and functioning of human society.

•the study of social problems.

So what I have found through reading these entire threads of verbal diarrhea; is Thunder is like everyone else on the planet there are people that like him and don’t. Thanks for the revelation.

I do agree with some points on both sides. Thunder is loud and obnoxious. I also agree with Thunder that you cannot please everyone.

Like in life, people are going to choose who they are and are not friends with. This isn’t high school the talk of popularity and cliques sounds a tad immature.

Everyone has the right to determine who they will and will not socialize. I also understand the larger point if someone isn’t in your circle you can still be kind and treat people like you want to be treated.

Lots of judgments on these boards these days, must be people living in homes without mirrors.

Okay now that you mofos got that shit out of your system let’s get back to some real smack. Last time I checked this wasn’t labeled the complaint board. Wow we getting to the level of having real trolls like the NFL we has to be doing somethin’ right!

Thursday night B-Minor has a date with the losingest squad in the league and we guarantee to push our point total to at least 5.5!!!!

It was all those fireball shots. I wanted to be the cool captain starting it off when I got beer framed, but Big Party is a maniac for not just doubling, but tripling down on the rounds of fireball. Love that guy! I barely even remember the third game, but apparently I still know how to throw a ball on autopilot.

Me & my arch rival Cilantro talking shop tonight… I’m comparing opening night of draft league to to the first day of school…’summer’s over and you get to see all your friends again’… Cilantro: ‘except it’s way better… there’s no homework and you get to drink beer!’

Well that has to be the first mother fucking time I ever lost 15-0 at anything in my fucking life!!! But yall put some fucked up curse on my captains kids appendix. Oh you have a threshold mother fucker?????? I’m mother fucking TNT and I am about to explode every time I pick up a piece of fucking brain?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?

Is there a list compiled of people participating in draft league that we can view? I was interested in doing my own mock but I wasn’t sure if I should be putting Snapshot in the 5th round or leaving him as an undrafted free agent.

Tush Christ is bummed that we lost to whoever we lost to, but Tush Christ is crazy happy that we took it to three games against some Thursday-A sons-a-bitches. Tush Christ is also extremely happy that both Budweisers and Incredibowls took it to game three. You bitches in A league better step your game up, because Tuesday-B is coming for your asses next year.

Sorry I am down and out with this PBA plague, doctor’s appointment tomorrow. As I said on Facebook props to our friends at ICBING. Not sure about a choke, we were 10 pins under our season average at 621 they were 108 over theirs at 650. All the credit goes to ICBING for rolling lights out. On to Little League and Ultimate for the Dr. Good luck to everyone the rest of the way.

Hey friends and family, if you see me tonight give me a high-five, I’m off to Oakland California for an extended-stay, to build a couple of companies in the Horticultural industry! Ask Ramrod about it, he’s my Director of Marketing and partner and he’s killing it!
Check out this 7-10 split: take 14 years in sales for the leader in ergonomics for computer users, Replicate that business model for cannabis industry as first-to-market! Presto! Well I’m going to try, no promises, i’m leaving with the money in my pocket and a dream, I might see you next week! But for those who dare to Dream with me, I have five patents pending so far, 18 product designs in various stages of development, and I have lived/breathed this same effort since I graduated college! Also getting first-class advice and access to the 1% in that industry; check out GTWY. CO
There is a bowling alley called Plank two blocks from my office, I want to work one day a week there for free bowling!! I asked Charlie if he would give me a reference, he asked me what I wanted to do there, I said get free bowling, he walked away LOL! I’ll miss you guys, look for me on Facebook or check in with Ramrod! Good luck in the Sunday Shoot-Out, Roll Granola!

Sorry this is a bit late, obviously recovering from the craziness that was this weekend had a hand in it. I also found out the hard way that Survey Monkey limits your surveys unless you pay (not happening). So you’ll see I had to find a different website, but it all comes down to one question:

(8) Nut Sauce or (5) Dr. Thunder

That’s it. One vote, one winner. The survey will stay open until Friday night and then you’ll have to tune in to the Podcast to find out the winner! Who will be voted best name in BoPo 2016? #Crushthisvote

I say not to limit ourselves to just lumberjacks of wearing plaid, which everyone does already, but to expand it to the surroundings of the lumberjacks including the whole forest of trees, animals, flowers, elves, unicorns, etc…

And Brandy is currently #5 in the all-events standings (where they add up your scores in all three events). Pretty freaking awesome!

On top of all of that, Nut Sauce is cleaning up in the scratch divisions – her team is in 1st and set a new state record, she’s in second in doubles, sixth in singles, and sixth in all-events. Woah!

They’ve got one more weekend of competition, then we’ll see how we finish in the final standings, but the moral of the story? Our Babes not only brought the party to Augusta, but we can compete with the best in the state.

I listened, just didn’t hear anything specific about the food situation. Peanut Gutter is organizing it, Nuber Chaperoning, Gatch is slinging the drinks, some woodsmen are burning water, and a police officer is keeping the peace.

Bayside will be providing breakfast sandwiches and tater tots for the people and their is no cost. Shout out to Bayside!

Gatch from the Leisure Rolls will be staffing the pop up bar. Drinks are only a buck and he works for tips. Mimosas and bloody Mary’s and a few other drinks will be available. We will have the limited edition 2016 cups.

They are bringing in 2 fresh porta-potties for the tailgate.

The tailgate starts at 8 and ends whenever you feel like it, but the games start at noon.

The weather is supposed to be nice, so it would be great to see a bunch of you out there, even if you don’t have tickets.

We are going to hit up the bowling ball companies and distributors for schwag and we are hoping to get some free balls!

The corn hole boards will be out.

We can heckle the Colby College woodsmen team.

Will Brutus the Buckeye show up this year? The huge shipyard bottle? I wonder which pro bowler will come out and enjoy the festivities.

Let’s see which party team can bring it to the next level at the tailgate.

So, come early and stay late.

Free food and dollar drinks

Anyone have a connection to a donut place? We think donuts will be a good thing.

Only eight remain and there were some big upsets last round. This round decides the winners of each division. Voting goes until Tuesday night.

– Thunder led the way again with 71 votes and had the biggest margin of victory at 44 votes.
– With the loss of the Commish, the highest remaining seeds are the 5 seeds (Thunder and Strike Tyson)
– All 3 holes had the most narrow victory with a 5 vote win over Ric Spair.

The matchups:

(8) Nut Sauce vs (10) Dick Du Jour – I can see this matchup going either way. Neither have really had a close vote so far.
(5) Strike Tyson vs (15) All 3 Holes – When Ric Spair crushed 2 dogs, I figured it would be him vs Tush Christ in the Tuesday B finals.

(5) Dr. Thunder vs (10) Tampon Santa/Sloppiness – Probably the best chance to slow Thunder down is this matchup right here.
(9) Michael Bowlton vs (14) Ebowla – After squeaking by in round 1, the votes have been shifting heavier in Michael Bowlton’s favor.

Wow, shout out to you Tuesday night party squads, that is strong as work. I had to reschedule all meetings today as I stare at the screen suffering through the day longing to sweat it out at the gym after work!!!!

Another large shout out to the women’s movement, Saucy Posse went 4 ladies versus our 2-2 game two and took us out 636-635 for the 3-2 win game 2 and 8-2 match win.
#bowllikeagirl

I know of a local Reprographics company around the corner from Bayside looking for an assistant. Owned by a nice older couple. Mostly Construction documents. I’ll send you in the right direction if you are looking. Get a job, sir!

All the matches get tougher from here on out, as do the voting choices. From round 2:

– Dr. Thunder ran the vote again with 67 total votes although that wasn’t the biggest percentage of the round. Both Dick Liquor and Dick Du Jour (I can’t make this stuff up) had exactly 72.97% of their respective votes.
– Two different matches came down to two votes. Tampon Santa edged out Glossy Mexican and All 3 Holes sneaks by Rocky Bowlboa.
– With the loss of Buck Ripcord, Tinderella and Rick Vaughn, only Crackerjack remains in the tourney as a 1 seed.

The bracket has been updated and we have a set of new matchups. You can check the bracket for a full list of scores in each matchup but here were a few interesting stats:

– I know the seeds don’t really matter at all for anything. But if we’re pretending that they do, we saw 10 upsets. The biggest of them were two 15 seeds with All 3 Holes over The Dude and Motion to Strike over Hark Attack.
– Thursday A was the most “chalk” division with only one upset, Tampon Santa over Space Farmer and seriously, I don’t know anyone who’s surprised by that.
– 2 Dogs, expected by many to make a deep run, was eliminated by Ric Spair who amassed 60 votes which was the most any single person received. In fact, it was more than most of the matchups received for both bowlers involved. Apparently we have some people who are passionate for Ric Spair (or something).
– Luckily for me, none of you animals caused a tie anywhere because I totally have no plan whatsoever for a tiebreaker. Four matchups came down to a 2 vote difference and one (Kate Middlepin vs Michael Bowlton) came down to a single vote. If you voted today on this matchup, you made a real difference. Unless you voted for Kate Middlepin in which case you did not make a difference because she still lost unfortunately.

The good news is it’s only two pages. It couldn’t be one because that was too many questions for the free version but whatever, it’s better than 32 links. The results will be hidden this time though once you vote. This vote goes until Tuesday night.

Pressed the wrong button and not in BoPo this year but congrats to my former team Splits member and wunderkind, and good buddy Tinderella on his first 300 game at a tourney at Sparetime this morning. Way to go man!!0

I never thought about it this way until Hungus mentioned it on a Rooftop Session a handful of weeks ago – The Lovernauts would not exist if not for me. Not being a dick – just stating a fact.

NOW for the dick……….
That’s right, Rinni Love, Rufio, Slugga, and all the randos you had to sign after most of your team bailed on you… Your very existence is due to me ALLOWING you to be conceived (consensually, of course). It’s appropriate that it be Throwback Week, cuz when this BoPo thing was still getting off the ground, y’all were no more than a twinkle in Oolie’s eye…
I’m not saying you should pay homage to me by laying down and letting us win tonight – if anything I hope you fight tooth and nail, so that when all is said and done, Fuckin Chuckits can say we beat the best-average team in the division at their very best.
What I AM saying is with every ball you roll, I hope you hear my luscious baritone resonating in your heads, repeating, “Who’s your Daddy? Who’s your Daddy? Who’s your Daddy?…”
Prepare to meet your maker…

There usually comes a time when children surpass their parents in strength and talent – the Lovernauts had a fantastic time beating you last night, Daddy-Oolie. After two games, no less! The horns were played, high-fives were given and booties were shaken and slapped. Punch taint! Love, Rinni

I’ve had a few questions about accessing the bracket. You shouldn’t need anything besides the link up above to see the bracket. I’ll be updating that as we move through the rounds of voting. I have it set so that anyone can see the bracket and the voting links. It’s locked for editing so that way things don’t get changed by accident.

So the bracket will be updated after Friday, when voting on this round closes. It’ll be that same link, so just save it as a favorite and check it on Saturday for the start of round 2. Snapshot has criticized the voting method which I admit is not the best, but it was the first thing I came up with. I’ll hopefully find a better/easier way for the future rounds. #Rockthevote!

You can click each individual link to go to a page where you can vote on that matchup. I’m going to limit each round to a few days so everyone has plenty of time to vote but this thing ends before 2017 starts. The first round’s votes go until Friday night.

Okay, yes there are far more than 64 people in BoPo. How did I possibly break it down? Well, I came up with a few guiding principles.

1. Every team in the league gets at least one entrant. Just like college basketball, every conference sends someone to the dance, no matter how hard they’re going to get crushed by Duke in the opening round. Since that takes 12 spots per division, the remaining 4 were wildcards from any team I saw fit within the division.

2. No Ohio State fans. GTFO Booth, go Blue.

3. Seeding was purely determined by average on your respective night so that it could be completely unbiased.

4. I won’t put myself in the bracket because that’s completely unfair and since I would just win the whole thing, it would make it pretty useless. #humble.

5. You have to be at least close to playoff eligible. No subs or anyone who has bowled like 1 or 2 games.

6. I decide all other criteria. I am your Roger Goodell.

So yeah, just because you weren’t picked doesn’t mean your name isn’t cool. I might not get the reference or maybe it’s an inside joke which doesn’t resonate with everyone. That’s fine! Your name is yours and it’s unique, and this is all for fun anyway. No one’s feelings are supposed to be hurt. Sometimes there were so many good names in a division or on a single team (shout out to Cunning Linguists) I had to be selective and cut some people. Most of my picks were names I found funny (puns are always good) or were unique (no matter how you feel about him, Dr. Thunder is unique and everyone’s got an opinion) and quite frankly, sometimes I had to stretch it due to the every team gets an entrant rule.

I’m gonna throw down the Round 1 matchups in a separate post below. I have no idea if this damn thing has a character limit.

@boposkinny said that the likelihood of my original post getting moderated is slim so I wanted to transfer over all the criteria I used to pick names, seeding etc. From my original post:

1. Every team in the league gets at least one entrant. Just like college basketball, every conference sends someone to the dance, no matter how hard they’re going to get crushed by Duke in the opening round. Since that takes 12 spots per division, the remaining 4 were wildcards from any team I saw fit within the division.

2. No Ohio State fans. GTFO Booth, go Blue.

3. Seeding was purely determined by average on your respective night so that it could be completely unbiased.

4. I won’t put myself in the bracket because that’s completely unfair and since I would just win the whole thing, it would make it pretty useless. #humble.

5. You have to be at least close to playoff eligible. No subs or anyone who has bowled like 1 or 2 games.

6. I decide all other criteria. I am your Roger Goodell.

So yeah, just because you weren’t picked doesn’t mean your name isn’t cool. I might not get the reference or maybe it’s an inside joke which doesn’t resonate with everyone. That’s fine! Your name is yours and it’s unique, and this is all for fun anyway. No one’s feelings are supposed to be hurt. Sometimes there were so many good names in a division or on a single team (shout out to Cunning Linguists) I had to be selective and cut some people. Most of my picks were names I found funny (puns are always good) or were unique (no matter how you feel about him, Dr. Thunder is unique and everyone’s got an opinion) and quite frankly, sometimes I had to stretch it due to the every team gets an entrant rule.

Hungus you are stoned, there is no more dangerous squad than Thunder, Nugget, Knox, Jerk and Jones, I mean this is already been proven, we crushed a squad with Parker Bohn, GB and Cheese in the finals. To be the best you have to beat the best!!!!!! I will honestly be surprised if we don’t get a brick this year!

The guys captain who is an ace got injured he kicked his buddies to the fucking curb, he as 12 200s in 22 games with a 208 average and his team is undefeated. Put the kid’s name on the trophy because that is over!

Word on the street is, Dr. Thunder is guest write up for this week’s Tuesday lines. So we get to listen to his deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up AND his literary drivel that reads like a handwritten, 3rd grade book report. At least there is the Match up of the Year to look forward to tonight. #bopo9 #bopoIX

I spent a few years growing up in Palm Bay as a young’in an whenever we made the trek to DW I would just truck stick kids like it was Madden to get to the front of the line. “Don’t stand on the tracks when the train is coming through” Jack Parkman

For once I’m not posting trash talk. Yeah, the stream was awesome. It was cool to be able to watch a great match without being able to make it in person. That was an awesome idea and I’m looking forward to more.

I gotta say – that was an awesome night – Crackerjack mentioned this to me and it got me thinking – 289 to 276 – is that a record for high game for top point in BoPo history (565 combined)? And/or is 276 an all time high game NOT to score a point in BoPo?

Tush Christ hopes that Tuesday night is ready for blood. While preparing breakfast Tush Christ sliced his bowling hand index finger in a tragic bean can incident. Tush Christ plans to coat said finger in super glue before the match, but the PEDs that Tush has been taking have severely thinned his blood, and the fucker won’t stop bleeding.

Can we, once and for all, address the time stamps on this hunk of junk website? How am I suppose to efficiently and effectively give Oolie a literal kick to the taint if every post is willy nilly, all hours of the fucking day? #cleanitup

It’s a WordPress so most likely /wp-admin default username is admin. You’ll have to social engineer the password out of Hungus, but I’d bet on Clemson + his anniversary. Then go into settings on the control panel and timezone is right there.

Tush Christ had to make a pilgrimage to the land of his birth and will not be there tonight. Since Tush Christ is usually the weak link in score, Tush Christ feels bad for whoever N.E.D. is playing. Have a beautiful night BOPO. Tush Christ misses you already.

Wrecked we did get. NED fell apart tonight. Who the duck (yes) knows why?! Props to Miley Cyrus and the Wrecking crew. And you’re welcome to everyone else because we decided to make this shit interesting. ALL WINS TIL THE END

Been a running joke on rooftop sessions that Twitter is “blowing up”. It literally is new bopoer personal and team handles popping everyday. Get your team in their and join the fun. The following squads have jumped into the fray:
BUI
The Lions Den
Saucy Posse (and coming very strong)
BILF
TDYOB
SOD
Leisure Rolls
FC Portland
Sharks and Strikes
Yahtzee

I was wondering who was gonna step up to the plate! Hard Knox still uses a flip phone so he’s probably 2 years away from discovering the internet. Magic is off hosting the Casco Bay award show and Tampon Santa skipped town. There’s what…11 other people on your roster? Do you guys even remember how to bowl after waiting that long between games?

Went through withdrawal last week. Had to catch another couple hours in the office. Went from there to the lanes and the following are some of the things I observed:
• Tuesday is a ton better than Thursday when it comes to crushing pins.
• Cleaner had a 267 with the 10th open 9/XXXXXXXX crazy game dude, all-time high and his all-time league high.
• Got to meet West Mitchell, if these were numbers and not bullet points this would be #1
• TDYOB has spilled booze on two Munson/Spooky babies wearing headphones on the lanes so don’t judge. Their only non league baby punches everyone out on the bus. The booze stained kids are completely chill and look like they have strong party potential.
• Gatch is a great man!
• Tango is crushing pins right now but it will be a long long time before he comprehends pass the buck. He also told me I sucked at bowling and when I was like that’s not cool and not true he was like sorry dude. Still sore as Brandy and I smoked him for dollars. Gonna make it rain with all these mother fucking ones on THURSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
• Pass the buck any number of people can play; get in a line, person standing far left starts with all the dollars. Say three of us, Brandy, me, Tango standing in this order. Brandy has three dollars in her hand. She put one there. I put one there. Tango put one there. The next bowler on the agreed upon game shoots a first ball at ten pins and strikes Brandy pockets the cash. Brandy puts a dollar in her hand, Tango and I put a dollar each in her hand. Next person shoots first ball at ten pins strikes repeat, they don’t strike Thunder holding the three dollars. Is there anyone other than Tango that doesn’t get this?
• Tango thought I was a donut he tried to glaze me:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0pwoIFyWE1M
• No one has 12 lanes full that parties like Thursday late games. I concede if not for LOS banner comes from Tuesday, strongest teams outside of LOS Tuesday, party animals Thursday late. Guys no debate needed. Put your best 12 Tuesday party teams late next week and we will come to the morgue to cheer them on.
• Saucy Posse signed two pro bowlers literally out of nowhere and they are still Saucy Posse, drinking beers and booze and kicking ass and those cool ass pro bowlers fit right in with that vibe. Respect to SP, Sauce, way to get on Twitter dawg, now get a team handle on there dude! I’m not Farmer I am still a Boba Fett guy. Thunder cannot be bought nor sold.
• Rick Vaughn went 229, 182, 197 tonight, holy fucking shit no wonder Tuesday is better they roll on a different pattern, shout out to Stevie! Shit no wonder I am a career 160 guy, need to get back to Tuesday.
• LOS, everyone hates a winner, when people cheer Yankees suck (and I am a Sox guy) they hate us because they ain’t us. People like to talk about tight knit teams; there is none tighter than LOS. Pretty much everyone on that team has been to each other’s weddings. They hang out off the lanes and all fight to the death for each other. Okay they may not party in the top 5 but a lot of them have been there done that and now they are just here to kick ass and take names. But questioning their team connectiveness (yeah Shithawk I know this isn’t a word) or any teams for that matter is just stupid.
• IS IT FUCKING THURSDAY YET?!?!?!?!?
Dr. Thunder

This is the game that Tush Christ and N.E.D. have been waiting for. This is the week that N.E.D. separate ourselves. This is the night where Tush Christ bowls a new league high and strips down naked, covers himself in tater tot poutine, and makes it abundantly clear that N.E.D. is taking the B League banner. Tush Christ would like to thank Incrediballs, in advance, for being a footnote in N.E.D.’s historic run.

Big shout out to the ladies of NED! Mos Stef tweaked her back in practice but thought she would be ok. Ok she was not, but played through some serious pain and got her point in a dramatic 10th! And then Abbazon stepped it up and got the game clincher in the second game with a /X! And then beat all our drunk boys in the 3rd game! BANG-A-BEAR-NED-O!

Hats off to the crew from NED. I throw a 222, Bear throws 232. We lost both ladies games by one pin. Another point lost by 3 pins.
Tight through the second game, and then after we lost, we just played it out, but beer was more important at that point.
They outplayed us, plain and simple. Congrats boys and girls, don’t get cocky and lose to a team you should blowout in the next 5 weeks.
Respect for sure.

We need to get more BoPo Team accounts going on Twitter these things are funny as hell. Follow us @boposkinny for the latest tumors and updates BoPo. Other great BoPo related follows:
@Bilf_BC
@FC Portland
@TDYOB
@sharksandstrikes
@Yatchzee

I Can’t Believe It’s Not Gutter has signed a contract with Oleo (former ICBING player) for at least 1 apartment. We look forward to the 2017 BoPo season and in keeping with the historic nature of the manufacturing building, we plan to produce many more variations of the viper and salmon.

Well G-Unit half our team may have a rough idea of who you are. We will out party your team, win the bowling match without noticing and still be partying after you’ve already gone home, then maybe Snapshot will bring you to the Candy Shop to make you feel better.

Stat page…please I keep my own. Here’s a rundown of last Thursday night.

Bars visited before bowling-3
Perfect sites on big buck hunter- 3 out of 4
Moosehead pitchers bought- I believe 3 based on the 30 dollar tab but this could be up for debate as the bayside tabs are all blending together.
Team huddles joined- apparently at least 2
Games won- based on the podcast we won
Bowling scores-no fucken clue
Rating on Uber after ride home- 4 stars

Congrats to Tuesday Night for barely beating Thursday Night – in a fun filled night of bowling and drinking in the All Star Game last night.

But I have to say the biggest difference in the two nights was the almost complete lack of supporters for the Tuesday Night Team – I did see one family member come on down to support Tuesday Night. But on the other hand Thursday night had a house full of team mates, family members and other Thursday Night Bowlers who came down to support and cheer and buy drinks for the Thursday Night Team of All Stars. So while Tuesday Night might have bowled a tiny bit better than Thursday Night – Thursday Night hands down won in the Best Supporting category.

And in honor of the missing Dr. “it’s all about me” Thunder’s absence – I am going to fill the self-promoting, pat myself on the back role – while Tuesday Night threw a lot of boring, unimaginative. “anyone can get one” strikes. I have to say that Thursday Night won in the best pick up of the night – little ole me picked up the 6,7,8,10! And in true Dr. Thunder style went around telling everyone

So Congrats again to Tuesday for squeaking out a win – but Thursday Night is still the best!

That’s exactly why I’m naming him the MVP. like Tango said in a post below, Party All Stars don’t need to be out there on the lanes. they’re the guys showing up to party whenever and wherever the party is at, whether they’re on the lanes or not. Tampon Santa brought down the house and single handedly made Thursday the loudest night in the house.

When it comes to this “All Star” Game, there are 40 spots reserved exclusively for the highest-average-score bowlers. That’s the traditional way to do it. But… have we ever stopped to ask ourselves – WHOSE tradition are we following, and why?
Like every other sports league on the planet we can celebrate only those players with the most “skill” and “talent”. We can choose to honor the few among us who excel in ways that are best measured by numbers and statistics flashing on a screen. *bleep blooop dedeep*

IS THAT WHO WE ARE???

Are we automatons that simply go along with others’ preconceived notions on the nature of greatness?? Are these “all stars” TRULY representative of the best of our best? Are they the heart and soul of BowlPortland? Are they the loyal and tireless working-class of this league?
More importantly – do they rock the party that rocks the body??

If sometime in a not-too-distant-future all-star game, aliens who were receiving intergalactic transmissions of Rooftop Sessions finally decided they had to see for themselves what all the hype was about; and they landed on the roof and stepped out onto the grand mezzanine… only to see the lanes overrun with out-of-town crankers who roll like it’s their job, switching balls every three frames, sticking tape on every available surface… Would you turn to face the aliens, then smile and nod? Would you be PROUD?

Are these just the lunatic rantings of a washed-up old-timer? Maybe. But maybe I’m saying some of the things that have already been drifting through your head.
Or MAYBE (actually for real), I’m just a bitter, resentful old-timer who has given up any hope whatsoever of ever making an All Star squad merely on bowling merit.

Well, now that I’ve insulted all of our good bowlers with overwrought hyperbole, lemme just spark the idea — if we have a bowling top 6 AND a party top 6, and a league mvp AND a team of the year, we might could make room for an all out, no-holds barred “All Star” game for the party set. Wouldn’t that be somethin’?

Wow, so many questions in such a well-crafted smack post. I can’t address them all because, well, I don’t really care to, but I will touch on the last one. If the bowling all-stars go to the all-star game to bowl, wouldn’t it make sense for the party all-stars to go to the all-star game and….what’s the word I’m looking for…hmm, Party??

Seriously, do you need to be throwing round objects down 60′ of synthetic boner to party like an all-star? Bring the vuvuzela, your green hat, Rick Vaughn’s drums, Argentinian flags, MDMA, whatever you want. This is the best league in America, for a multitude of reasons, and it takes all kinds of all-stars to maintain such a lofty status. If it is nothing more, the all-star game should at least be a reflection of that.

I hope there’s a huge turnout, I’d love nothing more than to see rival Tuesday/Thursday fan-factions in an all-out tug of war battle against sobriety. This is the half-way point y’all, and we shall not lose steam. We are Bopo.

You know what’s hilarious? Two weeks ago at BoPo, I was trying to come up with a Fuckin Chuckits-based move that could rival ICBING’s “salmon”. Well, it didn’t take long to discover that if you put the vuvuzela between someone’s legs and blow (making sure to snug it right up against their crotch), it sends a intensely titillating vibration of sound right through the genitals. No joke. We coined it the “Vulvazela” just a couple of days before the Babes independently discovered the term, too. “Great minds…”

p.s. this is NOT something to do without the recipient’s consent. But I’d recommend that everyone try it out. at least once…

Beautiful sentiments, Tango! You know I know you know.
My words are not REALLY meant to ask for an alternative all star game (though it might be a cool prototype to develop) – that was just my device to flesh out a larger idea… and I’m not sure it’s fully conceived yet.

Getting to play in this league is my participation award.
#BoPoIX
#boporooftop
#TDYOB
#WestHungusJrMitchell
#Weare1
#bopolovest
#BowlingHeaven
#PBA
#hashtag
#looseinFLA
#missingtheallstargameblows (and I mean not even being there to watch. We been around 9 years I have been in 7 of them we have had now 6 all star games I have only made two (but I have made 2) and I have been to all 6!!

Tush you got fucking issues kid that made me want to puke, but at the same time was strong as hell. Warhol would call that art fo sho. As a someone with a doctorate in smack I have to admit you got this shit down.

For 300 years, the Viking were the most powerful people in Europe. But by 2016, Viking power began to weaken. The Viking homelands were divided into separate kingdoms, led by rival Borkers. Places once ruled by the Vikings, like western Russia, became independent kingdoms with leaders of their own. These new kingdoms were strong enough to fight off Viking attacks and even to invade the old Viking lands.

Elsewhere, groups of Viking settlers became part of new mixed communities. They spoke the language of the people who lived near them, followed local customs and forgot many of their old Viking ways.

As Viking power collapsed, Viking lifestyles changed and beliefs disappeared. Viking families stopped migrating and warriors no longer went on raids. TDYOB converted the Viking to rolling 160s and a ton of splits.

However, Viking civilization did not completely disappear. Many places in northern Europe still have Viking names. Some Viking ideas, such as the right to free speech, have been copied in modern laws. Viking stories, myths and legends are still enjoyed today, but not tonight!

When the Viking was converted to rolling 160s and a ton of splits, Borks booms were erected all over Bowl Portland!

Dead and Co announced their summer tour and everyone is raving about how well John Mayer is interpreting the Grateful Dead classics.

Warren Haynes playing with the Boston Symphony at Tanglewood.

And last but not least, someone decided to bring back the best shoes ever, Simple Shoes. Once upon a time, you had Air Jordans and Reebok Pumps, Vibram outsoles, polyurethane midsoles with elastomer shock pads. Nothing was simple. I was working for a company called Teva. Soft E not the hard E, it means nature in ancient hebrew. We had a meeting with this young guy named Eric, who worked for Vision Street Wear. Anyone remember the Vision Gator skateboard? Eric was a surfer, a skater and more importantly for me, was into vintage VWs. Anyway, Simple Shoes. Nice, comfy, squishy. This new company brought back a few of the old school designs. The Barney, the Original, The Old School and the Clog. I did have a conversation with them last week about one of the designs that never made it into production. It was called the Social Climber. It was a fancied up version of a pair of climbing shoes. Maybe that one will come to market. I have no stake in Simple Shoes anymore, I just think they are the bees knees when it comes to footwear. For any of you Curb Your Enthusiasm fans out there, Larry David rocked the Old School in a ton of episodes. The ads harkened back to the VW ads from the 50s/60s. Simple (get it) and to the point. There was one ad, where Eric put that he did the latest ad while drinking Sam Adams. Well, Sam Adams sent us some free beer. The next one we did, we said we designed it with an Apple Computer, we didn’t get one of those. One of the best and also one of the saddest ads we did was the one we took out when Jerry Garcia died. It was just a picture of the sneaker and under the sneaker in small print it said. “Damn, now hundreds of thousands of hippies have nowhere to wander” I still have that one hanging up on the wall. Good luck to the resurrection of the Simple Shoes! Right now, they are direct to consumer, but they just hired on sales reps, so they should be coming to a shoe store near you.

Suspended reality. Yes, as soon as you walk through those doors at Bayside Bowl, you leave the daily grind behind. What a great opportunity to hang out with your team and the team you are rolling against and all of the other teams that are playing that night. You might be a day laborer, a financial analyst, a lawyer, a doctor, a logistics coordinator, an architect, but once you walk through that door, you become something else. We have all done it. You’re standing in line at the check out and you look up and someone catches your eye, you glance a second time, they have on their work attire, wait, that person seems out of place, you acknowledge each other and then you have the conversation. Introductions are made, you try to find common ground and then it hits you. You are not talking to John/Jane, you are talking to (insert someones bowling name here) and then it all comes back to the fun and the camaraderie and the shenanigans and the spares picked up and the second chances missed.

The BoPo community is something that we should all be proud of. We set the course many years ago and sometimes we get away from that course but we always come back to right where we belong. Fun and Community. What the hell was that horn sound last night? Is that a Thursday thing? Tuesday night needs one of those. Who is going to break it down on the floor when you throw that strike? I loved it when DJ Baby Jay would play a song from Cher and 4 lanes down, Butchie would come up and start dancing with you during your approach!

Of course we are talking about bowling, but we are talking about more than bowling.

No offense to the Budweisers, but life is too short for beer like that. I’ll crush a few now and then. Can’t wait to play NED. How about a team boat race before we kick things off?

Now a blended scotch whiskey, now we are talking.

And about that name change. I assume PJ stands for Papa Johns. I am a fan of pizza. Just look at me! Umm, Giordanos deep dish! Or the new place in town called Pizzaiola sp? A nice New York style thin crust. But never Papa Johns. Although back in our younger days, I think Fabio, Dr Thunder, I and a few others hit that place pretty hard. We didn’t know any better. Don’t they give out pepperoncinis?

And really, do you want your company to be associated with the likes of us?

After drinking all those buds and eating all that Papa Johns I’m sure you will be in need of some paper and janitorial products. So you should check out Portland Paper Products, http://www.portlandpaperproducts.com, they will take care of all your needs. Just ask for Captain Insanal.

Just ask Double Cheese how awesome it is to shill for a great brand.
Peanut Gutter-If you’d consider changing your name to ICBINEBI, then count on receiving premium microfiber towels by the truckload. Those shirts you guys wear are sharp and all, but what they need are LOGOS. What do you say?

Let’s sit down and discuss this branding over a Bissell Brothers Substance served up by Dakota at Bayside Bowl. Substance has a nice orangey taste and if needed we can continue negotiations at the Bissell Brothers tasting room on Riverside and see Burt the Bandit.

I will take the fucking sponsorship. I get one guy to travel the country with while pitching your shitty product. That guy? Dr. Thunder. Whaddya say Doc me, you, and Gwenyth Platrow pitching this thing, driving cross country and watching Chasing Amy’s the whole way. Are you in?

Here we are 5 weeks in and the league is off to an epic dare I say historic start. The social media takeover has not slowed down a bit, in fact it has actually blown up recently with Sharks and Strikes and Yathzee being the latest teams to have twitter handles. As Farmer would say, “Twitter is blowing up.” The love fest that last year’s community building PBA tournament enhanced, furthered, and shared with everyone that watches ESPN has continued right into 2016.

There has been an infusion of talent the likes the league has never seen. The Draft pattern was made a little longer and despite a wide range of people bowling incredibly well the partying and having fun social mixer has maintained levels through 5 weeks. The only fear this ghost has is there is 2 1/2 months and another PBA tournament left, dare I say you should pace yourselves. Ah being dead I was never one that was good at pacing.

BoPo can’t stop, won’t stop. We now take part in a league where Team of the Year Trophy is going to be just as difficult to raise as the Champion’s Cup. Championship Cup and banner, you may have a pro team now, but you have long been professionals in my eyes as BoPo revelers. As Peanut Gutter has said can you maintain this pace?????

Rest those livers everyone once in awhile or the Bowling Ball is going to look like the lizard lounge must have to Hunter S. Thompson in that Vegas casino bar.

Did anyone else see Droolie grinding ‘Up On It’ on the bench last night? Not when everyone was cheering for him – but before that – when he thought that no one was watching. Real Bang Zone.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=23xeQUTpGpQ

Who are the impostors at the helm of Dirty Half Dozen and what have they done with the true members of that team?!?
This matter has for too long been overlooked, and I demand that BowlPortland makes a formal inquiry!!
DHD was once one of the proudest franchises in our long and storied history. They have honored the league with two (albeit unsuccessful) trips to the Finals, and a cast of beautiful and beloved bowlers-in-arms. Shall we let the memory of Papa Riggs’ stalwart leadership recede into the darkness our distant memories? Shall we shun the beautiful visage of Harlyn P’s toe-tapping finesse from our hearts? NO!! WE SHALL NEVER FORGET!! Shall we let the sacred tradition of Dirty Half Dozen, steeped in courage and dignity, be scattered to the four winds by this vagrant band of usurpers! NO, I say! WE SHALL RIGHT THIS WRONG!!
Ever since the catastrophic disappearance of — not one; not two or three or four — but EVERY SINGLE of its founding members, this team has been under the influence of seditious forces. These charlatans who grasp their talons around the another team’s illustrious name have two choices, as I see it. They can forever forsake the indignity that they have brought upon Dirty Half Dozen and reassemble under a new name; or they can be RUN OUT OF TOWN ON A RAIL.
These deceivers have until 5:45 pm tonight to decide their fate…
Should they choose the latter, there will not be a happier team in all of BowlPortland than FC Portland, to be honored with the privilege of mercilessly tarring and feathering them, one by one, until their repentance flows from their hearts and souls, like the MIGHTY Presumpscot, through the hallowed halls of Bayside Bowl…

Like Ducks to the water
Like Pavlovs dogs salivating at the site of Pavlov
Like Greg and Indivisible Hand coming to your rescue as you clap your hands

When you hear the first few chords of the White Stripes song, 7 Nation Army, you need to start the chant.

I get it, we have to roll a strike, we have to win our point and we need to win our game. But the one thing that brought us all together, to roll a plastic ball, to knock over a few pins (for some of you, a ton) was the sense of camaraderie, the suspended reality you get from your life when you walk through those doors. That is our cheer. We chanted it during the PBA weekend, we chanted it during the Bo Po Finals and I know that you chanted it in your car when you heard the song on WCYY.

Anyway, Bo Bo Bo Bo Po!!!

What a great night.

I missed the train last week, as I was at home under the weather and I heard the Lucky Train missed the late night Tuesday games. Guess what was coming down lane 6? Micaela was driving that train, high on cocaine, Fabio you better watch your drink! Yes, Fabio was the Lucky Train winner last night, but I can tell you that no one on ICBING feels lucky this morning. Many thanks to all of the other teams that helped us finish off those 2 pitchers of kamikazes.

Splits Happen, maybe you should change your name Strikes Happen. After the pre-game kamikaze shot by both teams, we were off and running. ICBING running away from the lanes, as we couldn’t even get a spare and Splits Happen rolling strikes like it was their job.

With good games and great players rolling in other games, it was fun to be a spectator. Sau Po and OC to the right and the Incredibowls and Tap to the left. Sau Po has Maser Splinter, the one person who has coached a ton of BoPoers and with the way things are going in the league, I think he will be doing a lot more coaching. He was having a great second game, with a ton of X’s written all over the score sheet. It was my turn to roll on lane 6 and it was his on lane 7. We talked and decided to roll at the same time, just like the good ole Dr Thunder and I. Although this time, I played the Dr Thunder role by knocking only 6 pins down and Master Splinter playing Peanut Gutter and rolling a strike. I think I paced him pretty well that game, as he did go on to throw a few more strikes. And what about Tequila Strikes? More like Kamikaze Killer. She didn’t get “ripcorded” but she sure was bouncing around the room. And what a great way to finish off the 3rd game. 10th frame 2 strikes and then the splits, yes the actual splits. I did see Buck RipCord last night, but it looked like he was drinking water.

No broken down lanes for us, but we did get a double salmon. Computers and Peanut Gutter don’t go well together. It also looks to be the same thing for Xander. As we were trying to figure out how to program what felt like the next launch from Space X, Indivisible Hand and Greg come waltzing down and show us how to press the number 2. While this ‘in service’ is happening, “The Salmon” jumps out of the water and attacks both Greg and Hand!!!

Bo Bo Bo Bo Bo Po

Have you purchased your PBA tickets? What pants will Magic wear this year? Will Patrick Swayze make an appearance? What about the Sock Monkey? What am I talking about? How about the best weekend you’ll have this winter. Sure, Toboggan Nationals is this weekend. But last year, we became friends with Charles the Cameraman, we friended tons of bowlers on the PBA. We stopped interviews by chanting “Pressler, Pressler”! Have you ever cheered on a machine? Oil that lane, Oil that lane!! The PBA, the professional bowlers and ESPN had no idea what hit them. You want to be part of the weekend. I hope they make the “Chanters Lounge” a reality. Last year, we needed a place to rest and recuperate. How about some hot water and honey? I heard something about a tailgate party and there are a few local breweries wanting to be part of it. ESPN College Game Day will have nothing on our Tailgate!! Who is going to have the best sign? Walter Ray wears velcro shoes!!

Congrats to T Square on your personal best! All of that hard work does pay off.

N.E.D. didn’t get our 700 last night, but Tush Christ came up with a great idea for a movie. It will be called The Irrelevant, and it features whoever we are steam rolling next week, while Tush Christ fucks a grizzly bear in the parking lot. Tush Christ thinks it’ll be a smash hit.

We do not condone the thought of this human on a power-trip after his first podcast defacing a sacred animal for entertainment value. We are also investigating the means of which the deers lost their eyes.

I know this is the smackboard, and this is not the appropriate venue(I know everyone reads this though, so maybe it is), but I wanted to say thank you to my BoPo family for all of the support and help in all of the various forms. It’s been a couple of months since my apartment fire and this is the first thank you I have put out there publicly. I really love all of you and I am so thankful to be part of this family. Things are moving forward slowly, but surely. I love that I can always show up at Bayside and have the feeling that life is as it should be and will continue to be that way, regardless of the crap regular life throws at you(or me). Thanks for the shout out on the podcast. Thanks for everything you guys. It means the world to me. For real.

One of the best part of our slipshod, sloppily compiled community of rough and tumble BoPoers is that at our core we slowly realize that we have accidentally created, and that we enjoy a pretty great community- this has been the case for some time now. To help one another, and get help with our difficulties is a rare glimpse at this reality. I hope, even for a moment, we lightened the weight of a pretty awful circumstance for you, my BoPo brother. #bopolove

I’m kinda sad that Payday wants to make peace.
Opening night was more than a little awkward when he came over and practically kowtowed before me, pleading for my forgiveness and good will. I get it – he’s accustomed to doing that which is politically expedient and trying to turn his foes into friends. It’s clear to me that the anguish of being on the toilet bowl end of so many IBS bowl movements, as well as having to endure the lambasting on this Smack Board, have all taken a supreme toll. Alas, this ol’ heart of mine knows mercy. It contains more than enough charity to offer him some alms and to let bygones be bygones.
In this new era of harmonious relations between myself and Payday, the #1 goal tonight will be to incite him and the rest of Pinny Candy to revel the F out of our 5:45 time slot, and hold up the following game by no less than 25 minutes.

I will be there and the following will happen:
A.) BUI will lose to TDYOB, I don’t think you have ever beaten us when I have been on the team.
B.) You will continue to have that 0 next to your name in the 200 column unlike myself.
C.) You will continue to be looking up at me in average.

I am taking it you meant not show up in results, because you 100% know I won’t be missing the match. You are writing a check your ass cannot cash.

A.) BUI will win. We’re undefeated against TDYOB since I’ve been on the team.
B.) I will break the 199 curse from earlier this season and get my ass into that 200 column.
C.) I will be the most fly looking dude in athletic shorts to ever grace Bayside (which quite frankly makes us all winners).

I assure you, my bank account is quite full and my crew is gonna cash all these checks baby then I’m gonna make it rain like the dude in the H and R block commercials.

It looks possible. Tush Christ thinks things are looking up for his AVG. He is tired of being a pretty face. Tush Christ has also been told that with all of the shit he talks, that he needs to meet people in the league, and start bowling better. Now let’s be clear, Tush Christ isn’t that interested in meeting you savages, only beating you savages. So, with that, Tush will be the most improved bowler, because Tush Christ has no intention of being an improved person.

And Tush Christ isn’t trying to out Thunder anyone. Tush Crist is lightning in a beer bottle. However, one of these days Thunder and Tush will square off on the lanes and most likely set off a chain reaction that will sink half Portland below the tide. This is why we bowl on different nights.

Someone tell “Whoomp” that they should focus their limited brain power on coming up with a team name that isn’t a cheap rehash of one of BoPo’s most recognizable cheers of the last, oh, five or six years…
It is — and will always be — “POOP! There it is!”

This guy celebrated his birthday in style with 100+ of his closet friends. Well yes, you probably are not one of his closest friends but he did walk over to each team. introduced himself and high fived. I heard that he was having such a great time, that the Club gave him the second and third game off. Ummm, halfway through the second game! There goes the average. Last I saw him he was outside with his bowling shoes untied and no jacket!

Buck, hope you are enjoying the day today!!

Props to whomever sent over the second pitcher of kamikazes! A pleasant surprise early in the evening a not so pleasant surprise later on!!

For you B teams and some of the A teams, Uhhhh, Incredibowls are the real deal. These guys have put in the time and it is showing on the scoresheet. There were multiple times I went to grab Spideys ball in the hope it would get me an X on the board. Boston rolling backwards between the legs? That’s money right there.

What’s up with the 4th frame Tater Tots? What a great idea. How big is this bowl? Is it enough to feed both teams? And the 5th frame pitcher of beer? Another great idea. Although if the 4th person doesn’t strike, don’t you still get a pitcher because of the beer frame? It’s not free. Did the Sons of Danarchy get 4 strikes in the 5th?

I saw lots of betting going on. Love the bets, hate when they are betting on you. You turn around and one person is excited that they made some money and the other person not so excited to have lost the money. And there you are, the one being bet on!!!!

Lane 12 had lots of breakdowns. We’d start to clap, Greg would look over and he would walk down the hallway, not the lanes. Is this a smart move? The salmon only comes out once in a while, but the high fives from both teams happens all the time. It’s funny, we start to clap and Greg looks over, smiles and shakes his head. Indivisible Hand was a little quicker, but we’ve had him for a few years. We promise we weren’t breaking the machines on purpose. Maybe it was all of the strikes the Incredibowls were rolling? Yeah these guys are for real.

Let’s park correctly out there. Did you know there is a huge paring lot next to lane 1? We pulled in around 7:50 and had a great spot. I wonder how the Tailgating party is shaping up? Remember, if you drink too much on the lanes, we will put you in time out a the bar and if you need a time out from the bar, we’ll send you out to the tailgate.

Ripcord partied so hard he doesn’t remember his 28th birthday, and he missed bowling Wednesday night still nursing a hangover. He told me to come hang out Tuesday night, wouldn’t have missed it if I’d known Bayside was finally going to bust him out of his shell like a ton of dynamite.

If you idiots parallel parked half as well as you drink, the rest of us wouldnt have to park 3 miles away and risk getting impregnated by guys with names like d-money, smoothie, and shifty every Tuesday night. Lets see some bumpers touch next week.

And not to be a downer, but just FYI, I did have a guy with his pants down and his dick in his hand try to get in my car at the top of Preble St. on Tuesday night. Luckily, my bowling finger was fast to hit the lock button. Although the Bayside parking lot is a hotspot for making out and dry humping, he wasn’t really my type.

Ouch, you will be paying for that next Thursday G Spot Unit. I have been known to expose myself in public, but more in the streaking athletic events and reunion day parades vein, never in the sexual assault vein.

Also thank God you got out of that okay Ruby, that is some scary ass shit!

Also for folks in the future parked in shitty areas, walk in groups, grab any league drunk at the bar to escort you, they could use the fresh air.

Whoa Dude, Take it Easy man. Glenn Frey got The Best of My Love. I can’t believe he’s Already Gone. Dude, One of these Nights I’m gonna hunt you down like a Desperado, look you in the Lyin Eyes, and Take it to the Limit.

N.E.D. is ferocious right now. Tush Christ rolled his best BOPO game of the season, and it wasn’t good enough. The only team stout enough to get Tush Christ to shut his mouth was his own. N.E.D is basically the Pete Weber of the bowling world. Shout out to 3 Livers, those guys are fun as hell!

Yes, that’s what we played last night. And I am sure some of us could’ve used a bucket later on in the evening.

Each person bets a dollar. The first bettor has the first bowler and if that bowler rolls a strike, that bettor keeps the money. If not, the buck is passed to the second bettor and so on until the bowler rolls a strike.

What was supposed to be a nice quiet ICBING team dinner at the lanes last night took a big 180. 2 Dogs was excited for his new ball. With visions of “rolling the ball” instead of “throwing the ball” and working on all of his bad habits, he thought he could grab a lane before league and work on his game. Rocky BalBowlah, having spent the last 3 months on an oil rig in the Gulf Coast, was itching to roll a few and Spreadable Gutter trying to find the right weight for her ball, ICBING took to the lanes. After an uneventful hour of rolling, ICBING takes up residence like Statler and Waldorf from the Muppets.

I show up and am immediately handed a shot from the Thursday team Leisure Rolls. Uh oh….. Game on. Dakota, a pitcher of kamikazes ASAP!! Kamikaze Shots flying around, dollars being thrown about, strikes happening on the lanes.

The first game to bet on was BEER vs Ball That. Natro and Twinkle Toes going at it like to heavy weight fighters in the later rounds. Twinkle Toes rolls a strike, money is exchanged, Natro rolls a strike, another round of money exchanged. This goes back and forth until the 10th frame. Shots for both Twinkle Toes and Natro after that one!!

Meanwhile, Tampon Santa is taking it out on the lanes. And when I mean lanes, I mean only half of the lanes. The length of a lane is 60′ long. Thanks wikipedia! And he throws the ball about 20′ down the lane. The ball booms are not as loud as Dr Thunders, but I think the majority of us would rather hear Tampons booms than Thunders. Can I get an Amen? Beer Frame has new meaning when you roll with the Leisure Rolls. Its more like Shot frame. And everyone is involved!!!

The second round of games starts. Will Beef Strokinoff pull a Tom Clark and refuse a shot sent over by ICBING? Nope, he shoots, rolls and throws a strike!!! Welcome to BoPo. May you have many more of those. Shots that is!!

The second game to bet on. Turkey Club vs Bingas. Everyone was throwing strikes. We barley had all of the money in the cup and Cookie, the first bowler, rolls a strike. It was like that all night long, well only the first game, because I had to get home and clean the driveway and walkway. We’d barely take the bet and they would roll a strike. Buck Ripcord is the real deal, a great pick up for the Turkey Club.

My wallet looks much fuller this morning, but I think I have more 1 dollar bills than 20 dollar bills. I think we might have to change the way we bet…..

And can you buy Dr McGillicuddy’s by the gallon? It looks like anytime the Leisure Rolls are in the house, you are going to need it.

It’d be nice if you guys stayed off the roof altogether. Wearing holes in it and all your dribble leaks into the building. It’s a bitch to clean up. Especially after a two hour hurricane like last week.

Thank you! I had so much fun Those podcast guys are some passionate bowlers but were so welcoming! Tush Christ was a riot – good time all around. I hope my voice wasn’t too annoying. I would love to do it again sometime. <3 And lastly – the Lovernauts are going to kick ass tomorrow while bringing the party. Rinni out.

Tush Christ does not reign it in. Tush Christ and his nasally voice are on 1000 at all times. Also, Tush Christ is the greatest Tush Christ that ever Tush Christed. Also, Dr. Thunder and I are working on another podcast. It’ll be 3.5 hour masterpiece where shout dick jokes over each other. Stay tuned.

Why blame chemistry when you can blame water on the approach? Or what lane you’re playing on? Or the direction of the wind that day? Seriously though, it must be tough when 99% of the building is cheering for them to lose.

Good morning. You might remember me from below as the purveyor of the best poem that has ever been written on the smack board. Allow me to pontificate a little further, this time with prose.

Bowl Portland has become a cultural phenomenon. The social media takeover on Facebook started Monday night and has continued right through today; folks changing their profile pics and cover photos to shots of them and their crews on the lanes from seasons past. This has happened in the past, but never to this degree.

We get to Tuesday, opening night, Back in Black drops their second banner to lukewarm applause, hey haters gonna hate! After that Tom freaking Clark the Commissioner of the Pro Bowlers Association rolls out the ceremonial first ball. Gets a little greedy goes Brooklyn and grabs a 7; chants of “Clean your plate! Clean your plate!” go off much to the chagrin of Karl Hungus. I mean honestly how many beer leagues have their way cooler version of Roger Goodell show up to soak in the energy of their local league and then share that love all over the internet via social media. Props to TC on making the trip, that is love! #lovethelanes Epic! The party starts immediately, and there are huge scores all over the place. Sharks is too strong for B and Buds gets relegated for the second year in a row, props to Buds for their willingness to drop down and take a team that would have cruised through B and let them into A. Tuesday A looks like an absolute war. Early and late shifts partied at an epic level.

Thursday rolls around. Oakie gets no damn love from the early Thursday teams and gets a one. Way to go early Thursday teams, had you given Oakie some damn love he could have made TC look like a fool. Alas not to be TC wins celebrity roll-off 7-1. Guacabowle once again shows they are afraid of no one and punches Shithawk and LOS right in their mouth game one to take a 5-0 lead. All this on the Hawk’s 47th birthday that is rough. LOS doesn’t care about going down 5-0 and their Top Dog Cheese comes through huge end of game 3 for the 8-7 win. Crowd was packed and loving this match. The teams that love to party love the late matches and Thursday late brought the party. No match had more party than FC Portland versus Lion’s Den. Banners flying, drums a beating, the energy was electric. It felt like old times, people when sitting out a game walking down the lanes catching up with old friends, and just enjoying this unreal league that everyone has come together to create. The madness was epic. Not to mention the DJs brought the heat with the tunes both nights. So good to be back!

I sat at the bar til close last night basking in the glory of opening night. Feel so awesome today even though I know I shouldn’t. It’s just one of those things. Surround yourself with good, nay great, people doing what you love and you can never go wrong.

Holy fucking shit Bowl Portland. We are so lucky. Keep it up. This is good and important work we are doing.

Tuesday night was amazing, so much energy in the building. I was sitting there the whole time wishing I was on a Tuesday team so I could get out there on the lanes. Then Thursday night, Guac nearly upsetting LOS was by far the bowling highlight of the week. And holy shit, FC Portland vs Lion’s Den redefined what it means to party. I feel like I need to bring in my saxophone and rock some smooth jazz between frames next week just to keep up.

And we will still out party you tonight regardless. I have no doubt that whatever lanes our two teams shall be placed on will be the party central of Thursday late night. After all, Hungus was so scared of the party fire the lions den is going to bring that he scheduled us for 4 Friday night games over the course of the season. I think he was nervous we might burn the house down!

Two Thing, Rickless.
1. My mother and father made sure i’d never have to take lessons on “looking pretty” the sweet, sweet night they combined chromosomes to create the genetic specimen you know as Oolie.
2. Clams? The only currency I know is BLOOD, son. So in event you’re unwilling to lose a few pints all over the lanes tonight, I recommend you go back to lapping your lil’ bowl of milk. I might even let you out the basement if you use the litterbox like a good kitty.

‘Twas the night before BoPo, when all through Bayside
Every bowler was stirring, looking for a lane to hit their strike stride.
The lanes were supposedly oiled with care,
With hopes that old Hand would pass out in his underwear.

Hungus was nestled all snug in his crash pad,
with visions of two dogs and a cat hanging with Soccer Dad.
I need another ringer Hungus did think to himself,
Then drank an entire bottle of Crown Royal he grabbed from the shelf.

When out on the roof there arose such a clatter,
He sprang passed out from the floor to see what was the matter.
Away to the rooftop he flew like a flash,
tore open the door, and and took out his stash.

Oh what a shock to his new awaken eyes
But three lunatics in Jamaican bobsled and thigh highs,
Sparkles, Du Jour, and Deputy in their bobsled,
Poor Hungus may never get said vision from his head.

Hungus raced down to the lanes, so lively and quick,
He knew in a moment the ball return would be kicked by Big Dick.
More rapid than eagles, the bowlers they came,
Hoping before the season started to get in that one final practice game.

“Now Hazzard! Now T Club!
Now, Sharks and NED!
On, ICBING! On, WTIS!
On, Wrecking and Splits!
On My Balls and Pinups!
And BIB and OC!
To the early matches you go!
To get things underway!
Tuesday is almost here we say
Throw, throw, throw!”

As another wild season begins and the bar tabs doth swell
We dance like mad wild children ready to scream, “RING THAT BELL!”
so back up to the rooftop with those podcast tools,
and by golly do not break Hungus’ golden rule! (DBAD)

The late games brings new ringers looking to show their chops
Hoping to add dollars to Scott Moore’s pro shop.
As Hungus breaks down the matches for lines his head was turning around,
To see a drunk Walter just start falling down.

Walter wad dressed all in his flyest dudes, two new ringers in tow,
When Danny Diesel told them to get their popcorn ready and a seat in the front row.
A bundle of strikes are sure to fly off the rack,
Things could only be better if Thursday night didn’t have Dr. Thunder back.

Who will be this year’s champ Space Farmer wants to know
While he and Double Cheese assume their favorite seats on perv row.
And what of Buck Ripcord will he take the league by storm,
And will Tango regret the decision that has left Turkey Club forlorn?
The stump of Binga’s pipe will be held tight in their teeth,
While General Tso does a back flip before the Jah wreath.
A new B title is up for grabs
Which makes Two Dogs Fucking a happy man as he works with Kyle Upton in his meth lab.

Gutterboy is chubby and plump, his right jolly old BIB self,
and Hungus laughed when he saw him, in spite of himself.
A wink in GB’s eye with visions of another title in his head
soon lead Hungus to believe he had nothing to dread.

Ramrod spoke not a word broke out the wig and went straight to his work,
As the Lovernauts filled their stockings with a dance and a jerk.
And laying another strike by the wayside,
Gatch and Magic said, “Bro we are just hitting our stride.”

Crackerjack took draft league by the horns, and is not too happen to be forgotten in this barn
So with Shifter in his cast he will spin the Bowldozers yarn.
I heard Hungus exclaim, ‘ere they all drove out of sight,

“Happy BoPo to all, and don’t forget to pay your damn tabs every single fucking night!”

I can’t wait man! Draft league was just a preview, I’m dialed into how the lanes break down now, and my 4 beer game’s the best it’s been since I was 21. Add in the solid team I’ve got beside me and we’re going to be a force to reckon with. We’ll definitely let the pro’s know who the big dogs are on Monday night.

The fun is the chase of the title and the potential that you show during that chase…of course that is one Viking fan’s view…one that hasn’t been able to hang a banner….wait are we talking bowling or football…damn!!!

Thanks, Thunder!! True team effort– thanks also due to Hungus for donating the lane time, Hexy for bringing candy and inviting Skittles’ friends and family, and Nutter Gutter for running the tournament bracket day of!!!

Hear, hear! Oh Hungus why have you forsaken us? Do you think we just do draft league to get this shitty piece of plastic from the USBC or whatever the hell it is called?!?!!?!? Oh no, this is not the reason at all we say.

And by virtue of the power, and for the purpose aforesaid, I do order and declare that all persons not having lines written for them within said designated BoPo, and parts of BoPo, are, and henceforward shall be free from tyranny of lack of lines; and that the Executive government of the Bopo, including Hungus and his cronies, will recognize and maintain the freedom of said persons.

And I further declare and make known, that such instances where lines have not been posted of suitable condition, will be causation for a free pitcher of Moosehead for all.

And upon this act, sincerely believed to be an act of injustice, warranted by the Hunugs, upon militant laziness, I invoke the considerate judgment of mankind, and the gracious favor of Almighty God.

Jeezum crow. The only thing I like more than lines (and i’m not talking about the powder pony here) is the anticipation of lines all night on Wednesday and all morning on Thursday. There’s a pool of sweat forming on my Portland Lumberjacks mouse pad from hitting the refresh button. What a let down! The only time I’ve been more disappointed is when Tango shaved his beard and wore a suit in that video. – The LumberJack Fan

Clortho – you gave yourself away naming a non bowling member of the fam no one would know! Probably time to cover that tramp stamp Dr. Isadick. Don’t really have much left to say except see you in the playoffs. oh wait…

You know me is the great looking stud from 90210. If you have ever seen the show then you know I was wildly popular with both the guys and the gals. Sounds like some of you folks on here are having trouble fitting in with the popular crowd. I’d like to give you guys some advice/tips on being popular.

Why are some people effortlessly popular and well liked? By contrast, other people, no matter how hard they try, never seem to be able to gain the same trust and respect. Even if we may not like to admit it, most people secretly crave the respect and admiration of other people. These are some factors which can lead to a natural popularity.

1. Don’t Try to Be Popular.

It is a mistake to try and become popular. When we seek to impress others and please them, it inevitably encourages us to offer false flattery and think about what they want us to do and say. When we behave like this our ego comes to the fore, and we hide our real self. This kind of behaviour may temporarily impress some people, but, in the long term it is not sustainable. We have to base friendship on being our natural self, and avoid extravagant attempts to rise in other people’s esteem.

2. Think of Others more than you think of your self.

People appreciate those who are considerate of others. If you only talk about yourself and your achievements, people will merely start to try and avoid you. We naturally respect people who are willing to spend time listening to others. This means offering goodwill to everyone, not just a select few who have a high social standing.

3. Be Your self.

It is a strain pretending to be someone you are not. When we seek to please others expectations there is an insincerity in our thought and actions, – people can soon see through this. If we learn to be content with who we are, we allow our natural spontaneity to come to the fore, this is what will naturally attract other people.

4. Have a big Heart.

Learn to be magnanimous in your dealings with other people, forget small mistakes, but appreciate the positive contributions that other people make. This is one of the most important factors in determining how people appreciate us. If we are always judging others with our critical mind, people will naturally feel slighted. If we go out of our way to appreciate the good qualities of others, then people will warm to our generous spirit.

5. Reduce Your Ego.

Do you seek to impress people, through appearing to be wise, and to drop names and important achievements into the conversation? When you magnify your ego, you only increase your popularity with yourself. If you can work without demand for outer recognition and praise, people will warm to your natural humility. Let actions speak louder words; if you do good things, there is no need to act as your own self publicist – you’re not a politician standing for an election. (It is interesting that politicians are very rarely popular, despite the fact they spend most of their lives trying their hardest to court popularity)

6. Humour

To gain popularity we need to be self depreciating and not take ourselves too seriously. Humour is one of the most significant attributes that people appreciate in others. It is said humour is one of the most important things women look in a man when choosing a relationship. This does not mean we have to be a stand up comic with a long list of jokes; in fact we should be careful of boring people with a long monologue of tired jokes.

7. Follow Your ideals quietly.

People look up to those who have a solid character with the attributes of honesty, kindness, strength and humility. But, at the same time these are ideals to be lived and not talked about. Quite often we see some people talking about how others should live a good life. Yet these proud moralists, may be better advised to concentrate on their own conduct before lecturing others. The secret of popularity here is to be honest and self giving without the necessity of correcting others. The most powerful way is to merely lead by example; if others follow, fine; if not that is fine as well.

8. If you go to the convenience store, the clerk will give you an egg. This egg will give you instructions to the secret “rave” held in an abandoned warehouse. Once there you will be informed by your bat-shit girlfriend that the guy with the large “E” on his shirt is selling “euphoria”. You will decline to take the drug since you are such a good boy. She will proceed to slip the “euphoria” pill into your drink. Have fun.

Trying to improve my game so that I can keep up with the top dawgs. I am thinking something in the high 170s will get me into the club.

What type of ball will get me more strikes? I like to get strikes. Who doesn’t
Coverstock? Plastic or Urethane?
Should I wear a glove? I hear this helps with your grip.
Will a wrist support help me to hook the ball more like the top dawgs do?
Shoes. What type of shoes should I wear? Can I wear a pair of dress shoes with a leather bottom or should I invest in a pair of my own?

Thanks in advance for helping me achieve my goal of becoming one of the top dawgs.

So this is what it’s come to eh? Guaranteed this was written by someone who just ‘got good’ in the last couple of years or someone who used to be good 6 years ago and just doesn’t have it anymore. YOU are probably the guy hovering around that 170 mark and this is your sad attempt to make yourself feel better because you’ll never be a Gutterboy or Double Cheese. Got news for ya: guys like that have too much class and chops to take shots at people putting in time trying to get better. This league has gotten ‘good’ in the last few seasons but there’s always room for cool folks who are here to have fun, geek out on bowling and hang out. There’s plenty of room for smack talk around here but let’s get one thing straight: drop the elitist, country club mentality. BoPo is for anyone who pays their league dues and has the spirit of the league. Next time you get run from the M.I.S.T. in the first round take it like a man. Oh wait, you didn’t enter the because of your 170 average.

Um, bad bowler looking to get good wasn’t me, and I am thinking there was some insinuating from comments above that it was. I could honestly care less if your average is 190 or 90, everyone in BoPo has a home regardless of wins and losses that ‘s what makes it so damn fun. So get over yourselves. You don’t like the podcast don’t listen to it. You don’t feel popular, who the fuck cares, this isn’t high school, there is no in and out club in BoPo. People choose to hang out with who they want based on like interests, etc. Everyone just chill, listen to the music, put that ball down the lane and have a good time.

This has been a public service announcement by Dr. Thunder.

And yes I am an overaged frat boy if being 41 and having been in a frat in college meets those standards, and guess what I don’t fucking care. Just trying to have as much fun as possible before the coffin closes or the ashes get scattered. Only one shot in this life, choose to do what you want with it.

Wow! Thunder really is a frat boy? By the lack of creativity and originality why are we not surprised. The boy lives to be loud and drink. Not much has changed since the glory days. You are as deep as a mud puddle and sharp as a bowling ball.

Thank you BoPo for a great season. I can’t believe how freaking good everyone is getting on this league and how when watching the PBA I did not see that much of a difference between their shots and some of ours. I am already looking forward to next year. Congrats to the eventual champs!

Don’t forget who you left your beat to shit bowling ball with while you ditched your team. Damn thing is in harder shape than one of Thunder’s curb stomped Rotos. Stop throwing the ball at the lane, try throwing it down the lane. Mouthy twit.

IH, the ultimate insult comparing my shot to Thunder’s. Thunder’s ball bounces more than a set of d-cups on Jenna Jameson. His ball hooks less than Mother Theresa on a street corner. If I rolled like Thunder I’d resign from the league. If I rolled.like Thunder I’d always wear a Mexican strike mask so nobody knew who I was. The only reason he ever made Clubber Lang was for the same reason I joined the big brother big sister program.

Draft League is upon us and it’s time for the return of everyone’s favorite over age loudmouth frat boy to reappear at Bayside! My summer job as head shower monitor at the Jerry Sandusky Summer Camp will be ending soon. Can’t wait to start flapping my big fucking mouth again to anyone who will listen. Thought I’d change my name to Cuntface this year! Seems apt. Roll dork you fuckers!

What is Thunder from that? 5 years? Same age as our Commish Karl Hungus.

Most likely not even in the top 30 of eldest folks in the league. This league is all inclusive from 16 (Dude Jr.) to folks in their 60s. Bowling is a life sport, and you sound like you need to get a life.

Why are we still surprised when Thunder takes absolutely any post or podcast and makes it about himself? It’s so predictible it’s bordering on sad at this point. He is the only person who knows or cares about past performances (especially his) broken down frame by frame. The constant reminders of his one-game “average” are a desperate attempt to stay relavant throughout a season which he so publicly declared he was abstaining from. It’s possible that given the option, he might be persuaded to start his own league where he bowls all four strings against an opposing team – which would also consist of only him. Like a hamster in an exercise wheel, he could entertain himself like that forever!
Hey Thunder! you’re definately reading this – hear me out – I’ve got an idea – and you can be the MVB every year…….

Why does a bear shit in the woods? Because it’s a bear and there’s no toilet. Why is the sky blue? Because of particles or something. Why is life so unfair? Because. Just because. Kids, Thunder is a Heel and that’s why we love (to hate) him. It’s simple: like Ric Flair & Cruella De Vil before him he’s just doing his job. A villain to entertain us and remind us who we do and don’t want to be. Give him some space to do his thing and don’t take everything so serious. It sure beats Oolie’s rambling. Because theres nothing worse than a boring villain…

The human turd on the Smackboard in the wee hours, clutching for the glory days of life in the dorm room. Knowing to well that in just a few short hours, 8 hous in a soul sucking cubicle awaits, only to pass the time by clacking away at the keyboard, posting under one alias after another, knowing that life awaits at the bowling alley……roll dork!

Why does Thunder get all the credit for being the house narcissist? Bayside is chock FULL of narcissistic personalities. Which is what makes it so entertaining. Don’t let anyone suck off you and enjoy the shit show! For anyone looking for an activity devoid of narcissists, the only option left may be locking yourself in your room and watching endless reruns of the Gilmore Girls.

“I shall tell you the tale of RamRod Wallace, the intrepid Captain of a scrappy Thursday B team called Irritable Bowl Syndrome from the unending winter in the year of our lord two thousand fifteen. BowlPortland Podcast Historians from Bayside will say I am a liar, but history is written by those who have hanged heroes.

His words never rang more true then, when standing high upon the bench of lane 6, he mustered up all his abundant decibels and said:

“”Sons and daughters of Bayside, I am RamRod Wallace. And I see a whole team of my friends ready to party in defiance of the tyranny of Tuesday! You have come to party as free folk. And free folk you are! What will you do with that freedom? Will you roll?

High Commissionaire Hungus shouts from the podcast Studio: “One hundred and thirty pins against four IBS people? No! They will roll poorly – and lose!”

“Yes!” RamRod Wallace shouts back. “Roll poorly and we may lose. Give up, drink and we will look cool…at least for awhile… but dying coolly in our beds, many years from now, would you be willin’ to trade ALL the days, from this day to that, for one chance – just one chance, to come back here and tell the Incredibowls that they may take our points, but they’ll never take our… BoPo FREEDOM!

What’s happened? This place is like a wasteland… I’m surprised folks aren’t posting messages about carpooling or going halvsies on a fucking farm share this Summer. Over a week since the PBA left town and everybody still wants to cuddle? Pull. Yourselves. TOGETHER, people!! The playoffs are very nearly upon us and I’m back to having a deep loathing for every one of you.
IBS is gonna have a late season snack of the Inbred-ables tomorrow, and then we’ll rest up for the imminent business of gorging ourselves on the league’s giants. Yep. That’s right.

We’re CALLING YOU OUT, Living on Spare Change!!
Yahtzee ain’t so hot, see?
Back in Black? puhleez, more like Attack of the Wack, amirite?
We’re about to metaphorically pull out those really long toothpicks with the weird plastic frilly things on the ends, holding Turkey Club together. You’ll be exposed for the whitebread, iceberg and Santorum of mustard & mayo you truly are.
I won’t even waste pixels on the Genital-Lesion Rolls. (too far…?)

What I’m saying’ is – we’re coming for you. ANY one of you.
We’ll do the polite thing and take you out in the first round, so you can stay home and cry in privacy.

But the magic of the PBA brought us all so close, we are BoPo brothers and sisters of Pin destruction… arghh… what’s…happening…to me!!…anyone want to start a Pete Weber bookclub…ahhhhhhh…Charles the Cameraman…ughhhh…MUST…TALK…SMACK, MUST! TALK! SMACK!… Boooo Po Po Po Boooo Po!…noooooo… Dr. Thunder is the fucking worst…but he was so good in the Pro-AM… Agggggghhhhhhhhhhhh…Only the purest of smack can save us now.

That isn’t exactly true, I had a strong semis XX and finals 8/ 9/ when it counted prior to that I was spare, open, spare, open, strike, spare in pool play, then open, open in the quarters. We had a strong team, and Tommy Jones brought the heat and then faded in the team and singles event. But he definitely brought the heat in the Pro-Am both from a bowling and getting the vibe perspective. I am a special occasion hat tournament Baker Style bowler; now having won Hungus’ wedding party, 40th b-day and the Pro-Am Baker. We also had a nasty team before we even got Tommy with Fart Nugget, Soft Knox and Jerk; I felt on paper we had a chance to win.

In regards to smack I’ve got nothing. I am not anything more than a cheerleader (and the 12th best bowler on Thursday #166avg) for TDYOB this year and we are literally limping to the finish line. Taking the year off was good, knee feels strong, wallet is fuller, and body is ready to come back for draft and BoPo 16 with a fucking vengeance. At that time you will hear from me loud and fucking clear.

Oolie you will be lucky to make it out of the shootout. If you get there you go down round one easy, and I will put a 6 pack winner’s choice on that?????

Also, don’t sleep on TDYOB in the playoffs, we can beat anyone, unfortunately we can also lose to anyone.

LOS gonna be missing some guns along the way, this league is wide open from where I sit.

RamRod, no Thunder admirer was not me, so it wasn’t a dude, talking to a dude, if I am posting on here it is as Dr. Thunder period. Nothing else, never. I’ve got the balls to put it out there with the Thunder stamp of approval. I don’t hide, never have, never will. You can take that to the bank my friend!

Congrats to everyone involved in the PBA events. I missed them all and had to sell my tickets due to family stuff, but wanted to say I followed it all on social, and ESPN.
Congrats to the amazing staff at BOPO and Bayside who made it all happen, looking forward to next year……

I received a letter from 2008 this morning. If someone is able to show up at Bayside next Sunday, and get a photo of themselves watching themselves on the ESPN PBA broadcast, while standing in the same spot for this photo that they were in on the broadcast, and if they so happen to be having a photo of themselves taken in the broadcast, while this photo of themselves watching themselves is taken, it will crack a hole in the space time continuum and bring Steve McQueen Back to the Future.

I know that we are all excited to get the feed out there, but let’s wait until the PBA puts it up on their youtube channel rather than giving ad revenue to some random ripper. It should be up today. We owe the PBA at least that much respect.

Yo Bowl Portland, Thursday through Sunday was an unreal magical atmosphere. We just took what we have with Bowl Portland and shared it with the entire bowling nation. Well done. Listen to the podcast it is a bunch of Pros talking about how our Pro Am and our vibe is the best they have ever seen!

I’m so glad that the Board has been temporarily converted into a journal of sorts for everyone to share their stories of the ecstatic magic that was last night! I’m filled to the brim with joy, and I HAVE to document my experience!! And I’ll be anticipating that y’all will want to share your slices, and we can bask in the beauty of the Pro-Am pie…
I think I’ve strained my shit-eating-grin muscles, and I’ve used up at least two months worth of adrenaline from the sheer elation of not just rubbing elbows with legends, but high-riving and criss-cross high-tenning them, too. Before the real fun even began, it was already a complete mind-fuck to be able to sidle casually up to any of the pros and just start up a convo. EJ Tackett and Ronnie Russell were telling me how cool they thought Bayside Bowl was. They were asking me about its history and loved everything about it – and the party hadn’t even gotten off the ground!
Karl Hungus got up an stage and treated us to a lovely tribute to the Spirit of BoPo. Maybe each of us harbored hopes of who we’d get to bowl alongside, but once those names were getting pulled out of the hat and yelled out, it absolutely felt like every one of us was hitting the jackpot! It was like an alternate universe episode of Oprah — “YOU get a Pro!! and YOU get a Pro!!! and YOU GET A PRO!!!!” I think I can speak for Cheddar, Sloppiness, and Tango that I nearly shat myself when Walter Ray was announced for “The Shoe-Ins”. Ridiculous. It was a “Somebody pinch me!” moment. I wandered around in a daze for fifteen minutes until it dawned on me that I had to go get my fucking equipment!
So, I’ve thrown my ball on the rack, I’m lacing up and we’re starting to warm up. “Oh. Hi, Chris Barnes. My turn? Okay. That’s cool.” Holy fucking shit. Anyway, I think that was the Senator ITZ’s squad. We crushed ‘em. In fact, Walter Ray rolled one NON-strike in all three of the qualification games and carried us to a #1 seed in the elimination rounds. I will say that Cheddar bowled his brains off, too. He set up WRW every single frame. He was great. The rest of us were a lil inconsistent, but there were plenty of great shots to close frames, too! I found that even though it really FELT like my standard approach and stroke, I was rolling around 2-3 mph faster than I EVER do. I was SO pumped up and the juice was running through my veins so hard that it took maybe 5 shots to slow things down tip I could find the pocket. I had to will myself to bowl in slo-mo to actually come down to my normal pace! It was crazy. I would have loved to have a few strikes, but honestly… the moment was too big to get caught up in performances.
One of the things that kept those moments shining was all the mugging and shit-talking that the pros were engaging in – with each other AND us! Walter Ray was flexing after shots, high-fiving a whole section of the crowd, bowled a two-hander, stood up on the bench waving’ his arms getting ‘em hyped and choruses of “WALTER RAY! WALTER RAY!”. He would walk right across pros’ approaches — and they were given’ it right back to him, too. Bill O’Neill took it well when I signaled a field goal after he whiffed between a split. Haha. I told him it wasn’t personal, and that I had a reputation as a heel to uphold. “Keep it comin’, man. I can take it.”
Johnny Petraglia was getting his share of chants, too. His little double-fist booty shimmy strike dance is hilarious. At least twice he straddled a lane for a pro to roll through. Norm Duke rolled a ball in each hand at once to try and convert a 4-6 split. Invisible Hand rushed over and got in his face, (paraphrasing) “Was that YOU throwing two balls down MY lane?? I see that again, and I’ll kick you outta here so fast…!” Tommy Jones and, I think, Wes Malott threw two down the same lane to pick up a split. Tommy Jones also ran all 60 feet down the gutter to knock down the pins after some sort of malfunction. That guy was a serious show-boater. He had something up his sleeve every frame to please the crowd. What a hook he rolls, too! From the outside looking in, he was probably the best cheerleader for his team of any of the guys. He stood right up at the top of the bench and was doling out high-fives and butt smacks for every one of his players’ shots – even Hard Knox. They came together when it mattered. HK, Nugget, Jerk, and even Thunder connected enough frames that they ran away with it. Up until that point, I had kinda felt sorry for the Doctor, seeing as how he had blown spare after spare after spare after spare… It was only a tiny little bit, but I rooted for him down the stretch.
The atmosphere altogether was just amazing. Mo had the groove on LOCKDOWN and I was dancing ALL night. People were screaming, waving their arms, a billion high-fives… the 7 Nation Army chant was ringing against the walls! “Epic” seems too trite a word, really. There was something in the air that electrified me, and as far as I could tell, every one of you who was there! I couldn’t keep my hands off folks – i was hugging, shoulder-rubbin’ and squeezing on errbody!! Maybe Dawn was spikin’ drinks with some high-grade shit???
I’ve rambled enough, and please don’t harp on me for going on like this. I just can’t help it. One last story… Murmurs were growing about afterparties (I’ll leave those tales for others) and I was strategizing the wee hours of the night, when I noticed ol’ Walter Ray Williams, Jr. walking this way and that, peering around corners, turning around, craning his neck… I approached him and said, “Hey! You looking for someONE or someTHING in particular?” He replied, “Well, yes. Mr. Bohn the third (he actually said that) was supposed to be my ride home, and I can’t find him anywhere!” Well, after another five minutes, he called him only to find that the dude had totally spaced it and driven alone back to his hotel. Ouch. They had carpooled earlier in the day up to Augusta to do a Brunswick clinic, and Walter Ray’s car was sitting in Parker’s hotel parking lot. So I did what any of you would have done. I said, “You can certainly say no if you’re not comfortable with it, but I would be more than happy to give you a ride. Which hotel?” “Well, yeah. It’s the, um, Radisson.” “Hmmm”, I said. Embarrassingly, I had no fucking clue where it was, and I had to pull out the smart phone and do a little research for “Portland Radisson”. The map looked foreign to me and I panicked. I quickly went over to Natro, “DUDE! I’m trying to hook Walter Ray up with a ride. Do you know where the hell the Radisson is??” He pulled out his phone, looked at the same map I had found and said, “I don’t know where that is. Oh that’s Portland, Oregon.” So now we’ve got five/six people, including Walter Ray and Scott Norton, all with their phones out trying to solve this mystery, when Scott blurts out, “There IS no Radisson in Portland, Maine!” Oh shit. Walter Ray was a little embarrassed, I think. He was trying to explain that it was somewhere near 295 and/or Congress St… We were getting’ nowhere fast when Beajolais suggested, “The Clarion?” Walter Ray: “Maybe. That could be it. Yeah. I think it is.” He tried to find some reference to it in his email inbox, but no dice. After WRW finishes a waay too long and awkward goodbye-hug session with McBalls and Beuajolais, we finally hop in my car. Welp – he’s forgotten his coat and bag back inside Bayside. He is certainly the elder statesman of the PBA. All class – but perhaps a tad absent-minded, too. I hope it was also a combination of the beer and exhaustion. We had a great conversation during the drive. I asked him what his favorites cities to visit were, and he explained that he liked to be places where you could do things that you couldn’t do everywhere else. He mentioned Japan, and gushed about Bayside Bowl, too. While I wanted to ask him specifically what he thought about our humble home and if he had ever seen anything like it in his travels, I ended up just letting him talk and listened. The thing that stuck with me most is how much he appreciated the vibe and small-house feel. He said that ALL the Pro-Ams should be like that one. I thing that’s a pretty swell endorsement, BoPo.
And the best part is: the weekend isn’t even CLOSE to being over! We’ve made our first impression, but from here we drive it home! Let’s all play our own little part and EXPRESS ourselves. This is just as much about who WE are as it is about who the PBA is. We are their temporary home for another 5 days, and I’m pretty damn sure we can make it so they are looking longingly into their rearview mirrors at Bayside Bowl, and the PEOPLE and CITY that make this place one of the wonders of the world.
We couldn’t possibly give Karl Hungus (and for that matter, the ENTIRE assorted, amazing BB staff) enough Lion of Judah Lifetime Achievement Awards to make up for what he (and they) are giving us. Let’s do them all proud and keep the love flowin’, sistas and brothas!!!

Well said. I’ve done a lot of awesome shit in my 39 years on this planet and last night was waaaay up on that list. Surreal. Some favorite moments and observations.

Meeting Walter Ray and almost breaking his thumb with an awkward handshake. He razzed me all night about that.
Walter Ray telling me “nice shot” after a strike. Sounds like a small thing but I was elated.
Just looking down the lanes at all of my new found friends and the pros with shit eating smiles on their faces. Not to mention all of the spectators. Priceless.
Duke’s “towel strike”.
Duke saying to Walter Ray “do you smell that? It’s the good stuff!”.
Tommy Jones telling us before everything started “I don’t care if you get drunk, fucked up or whatever but we DO NOT LOSE!” Then he turned into a maniac.
Winning the fucking thing. WTF!?!?
After hours ping pong with the pros.
Norm Duke leaving the after party to go find the elusive Radisson hotel only to come back 10 minutes later soaking wet asking us where the hell the Radisson is! Spent a little too much time with Jerk’s glass…..
The ENERGY, the ENERGY, the ENERGY.
Shout out to Bean Pole for throwing a strike!

Lastly a huge THANK YOU for having me be a part of this community. It’s been such an amazing couple of months.

I too felt bad for Thunder, watching his pins wobble around after missing the pocket and ending up with some buckshot split, having to turn around boomless, looking like an old little girl in a silly strike hat. It was nice that his team was able to carry the teamkiller to the point where he had that opportunity to contribute and get to yell BOOM. Mallot and Jones were crushing, and I think Mallot’s big line was the most fun to watch, guy is a beast. WRW took two shots to figure out the pattern and then it was lights out. Dick’s pro Wodka was bad to the point where Dick, E-Minor, and Pauly closed every frame and set him up with strikes, and he couldn’t close a frame, only one, and it wasn’t a strike. With that said he’s a good guy and I hope he has better luck this weekend. He did seem genuinely upset that he couldn’t deliver. It was also funny that leading up, I think everyone was like, I want Pete Webber, I want Pete Webber, but because of his absence, the Pros got the ok to nosh and get loose and it turned into a Giant fucking party. It was like being at bowling Disney World. Hey, the Norm duke ride is over there, and btw, he’s a fucking party animal. Oh, you want to go on the Chris Barnes ride, it’s right over there. As much as Tango sucks at bowling and generally everything, it was pretty awesome to see how much the pros dug him. I think everyone should be proud of the way they bowled. We showed them that BoPo is some serious not serious bowling. I could see them looking at each other as things got under way in the 7:00 match looking at each other like, wow, these fucking guys can bowl and these are some hard fucking lanes, as Thunder trashes them from the Peanut Gallery. I see them looking back a little bit like, wow, is this guy for real, and then within a few more frames they totally got it.

Big props to Comish, and can’t thank everyone enough who put this together, worked it, and was part of this becoming a dream come true. A fucking vending service building has become a little piece of bowling heaven.

Yo BoPo we are tailgating in the parking lot tomorrow at 7 a.m. Employee paved parking lot 10×20 tent, area will be roped off, bring some tailgating stuff, a chair. there will be some food and beer. Then we get crazy on the lanes cheering on the PBA!!!!! Show up and be ready to be loud BoPo. Get your signs ready. Local media filming the tailgate at 7:30 a.m. ESPN filming at 8 a.m.

I am a lucky man over these 41 years I have had a lot of great nights and holy fucking shit if that wasn’t one of them. Bowl Portland was as advertised last night. The energy was amazing and the pro bowlers could feel it. What an awesome night for our bowling community!!!!

Hey, one of you Joeys who manages to somehow spend all your waking minutes at Bayside in their open hours, it would be cool if you captured some of the ‘minutes’ and occurrences that happen around there this week, funny stories, anecdotes, etc, and posted them on the Smackboard for the rest of us as things go down. It’s my guess Hungus will be too busy to be posting anything.

Initial reports are that some guy, referring to himself as a “deputy” has set up shop in the restroom stall. He came equipped with a blanket, pillow, a mason jar of picklebacks(?) and a 30lb dumbbell. He’s currently passed out, which is a welcome relief, I couldn’t hear myself think over the constant Yahtzee war cries. More on this story as it develops, back to you and Randy in the booth!