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Argentina is famous for two things: Cattle and plastic surgery. You came to terms with the size of your breasts a long time ago, but that hasn't stopped your craving for world-renowned beef. But, while you are hoping to get stuffed, you're not up for a tourist-packed, churrascaria-style, all-you-can-eat, colon whipping.
Azul Bistro, on the Lower East Side, is infinitely more laid back than most Brazilian-style meat emporiums; and your food is served by waiters, not an endless procession of men armed with knives. Most entrees are under $20, cheap for what's essentially a steakhouse, and there are plenty of wines for under $30 a bottle. If you're towing along a lighter eater, there are options, including a list of appetizers maxing out at $8. We suggest the octopus. If you're towing along a Vegan, we suggest you cut the rope.
During warm months, the windows open up to Stanton and Suffolk streets, treating the somewhat dicey neighborhood whores and thieves to Azul's South American soundtrack. Inside, the decor's awesome, mainly because the ceiling's collaged with old, semi-tasteful magazine clippings of naked women. Thankfully, the live females tend to be just as attractive. Though, your own beef might not be world-renowned, that shouldn't stop you from trying to sneak it onto some lucky lady's menu anyway.