Lifetime Is Making A Reality Show About Women Giving Birth In The Woods

Lifetime announced a bunch of new shows yesterday, and tucked in amongst a show titled Ugly Models and two (2) shows about stylists, one of which is titled Kosher Soul and is about a black stylist from the South converting to Judaism before marrying his stylist Jewish fiancee from New York (which is crazy because they’re TOTALLY DIFFERENT), was a reality show titled Born in the Wild, which was accompanied by this description.

For expecting mothers and fathers in their third trimester of pregnancy, things couldn’t get much wilder. From the mood swings and false alarms to the crazy food cravings, learning to expect the unexpected becomes a way of life in the final days leading up to birth. But what happens when the craziest experience of a woman’s life becomes truly wild, and soon-to-be parents decide to take on an unassisted birth in the outdoors? Born in the Wild will document the journeys of young, expectant parents who have chosen to give birth “in the wild.”

The woods. These people are giving birth in the woods. By choice. In 2014. Despite the well-known fact that NOTHING GOOD HAS EVER HAPPENED IN THE WOODS.

As I’m sure you can imagine, this announcement has been met with some pushback, particularly from doctors, many of whom have pointed out that, technically speaking, the woods are not a hospital, and hospitals are where they keep the medicine and trained professionals and stuff that has lowered the childbirth mortality rate significantly since the days when people actually had to give birth in the woods.

Solid argument. What say you in response, television executive who presumably does not have a medical degree?

The Lifetime series is taking precautions to help ensure the safety of the mother and child. No first-time mothers will be allowed to participate on the show and all participants will have a clean bill of health. A trained emergency professional will be on site. And while the couple will choose the birthing location, the production will remain within a certain radius of a hospital should complications arise. “I’m not surprised an OB-GYN would say that [but] we’re taking extreme precautions to make sure the mothers and the babies are safe,” says Eli Lehrer, Lifetime’s senior VP and head of nonfiction programming. “Our presence at these births is going to make them far safer than if they were doing it on their own.” [EW]

For the record, when the best argument for a course of action — any course of action, not just the decision to make this particular show — is “Hey, it’s safer than a lady running off into the forest to have a baby by herself,” maybe you want to re-think your plan a little.

Photo credit: Disney, because there was no way I was subjecting you to the image Entertainment Weekly — A SEMI-LEGITIMATE NEWS ORGANIZATION — used for their story. You are welcome.