the purging of an unstraight but Mormon mind on politics, polyamory, prostitution, lesbianism, bisexuality, dreams. some bad free verse thrown in for good measure.

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Subway Encounter with Another Older Man Sept. 2010

Recently I was getting off the subway and about to exit the turnstile when this man called out to me and ran up behind me. I thought I had left something on the subway and thought it was very nice of him to come after me like that. He was tall, black, probably in his 50’s. I couldn’t hear what he was saying because I had my music in, so I paused the song and asked him to repeat.

He said he thought I was cute and he had gotten off the subway so he could get my number. I asked him if that was the only reason he had gotten off the subway and he said, yes, for he still had to get downtown. I told him I don’t give my number out to strangers, and I forgot that I had met someone on the subway about a year and a half ago, and we ended up dating. Though it didn’t last – that was right after my religious turnaround and I wouldn’t sleep with him and I didn’t really know what I wanted. With this guy, he seemed nice so I took his number but I knew I wouldn't really call him. And I haven’t.

Now, I relate these stories not to show how desirable and attractive I am. Considering how often I am on the subway, these are very low statistics. I know people who get hit on almost everyday. I am pretty, but dress very plain and don’t feel the need to deliberately try to draw attention to myself.

But I share these stories because I think it’s worthwhile that I at least took their numbers. I am definitely not anti-man. I really hope someday I can fall in love with a man and live a normal life and totally forget about women. If women really can fall in love with men, that is, and it’s not some fantasy that has been fed to us.

But at the same time, I’m wondering if a girl will ever hit on me on the subway? I am on the subway all the time and I have seen so many pretty girls. But I really want to see what other women see in men. Or do they really see anything? Isn’t it society-dictated? That’s my theory. But I’m too afraid to test it out and ask my friends.