Wednesday, October 12, 2011

The pressure cooker needs her space.

I have a confession to make. I cannot stand how my husband sleeps with the television on. It pisses me off to no end. I hate how he leaves the lights on full blaze. I hate how he has the volume on the television at 11.

If I had my way, he'd have his own room to sleep in just so I wouldn't have to deal with this.

I get that he misses me. I get that he wants his wife back but I'm 10 months pregnant.

You're not getting your wife back any time soon buddy.

Rooming with the baby is the recommendation at the hospital and sleep sharing is preferred for breastfeeding mothers. You're going to have to deal.

And I'm sorry that it takes you 200+ days to figure this out.

I'm sorry that it takes your wife being unable to physically do things like walk long distances, pick up your toddler and even sleep for your bulb to go off that your second child is coming soon.

During the time your wife needs the most support and the most calm, you feel it necessary to upheave her and require her to deal with your chaos. This isn't the first freaking time.
DH: I don't want to be dealing with this when you are all post partum.
Honey, I didn't want to deal with your realization at 38+ weeks. That's why I kept asking you to do what needs to get done in August and September.

The first time was so traumatic it has left her second pregnancy floating on a cloud of 'now what is my husband going to do?'

Fine, I'll deal. Things will work out but for a man who is so worried about stressing out your offspring (Thank you Endocrinology class), you seem to be offering a lot of opportunities.

I'm tired of it.

Still I push it back because I need to survive. I need to do what I have to do for my kids.

I love him deeply and will forever push these darn feelings back because it's not malicious. It's not intentional.

There is a reason I may not know but there is why it is what it is.

I didn't marry myself for a reason. Everyone needs a counterbalance.

Right now though, I really just wish I had calm and peace but I suppose that's the funny thing about the 10th month. When you think you are and should be calm, restful and at peace, it's actually the primer for the chaos that a newborn brings. The sleep deprivation, the anxiety, the apprehension, the suspense, all starts now not after the child is born. It''s like a brewing kettle.