Day 141–Reflection

I read an interesting list of thoughts that my friend posted on the social networks today–which stated:

1. Don’t let someone else’s opinion of you become your reality.

2. Never let a bad day make you feel like you have a bad life.

3. It’s never too late to be what you might have been.

4. If opportunity doesn’t knock–build a door.

5. Begin each day with a grateful heart.

Step one in AA is all about admitting you are powerless over alcohol–and you could no longer manage your life. Last night I had a revelation. I wasn’t powerless over alcohol–I was powerless over life. In 2008 I became a father, which was unexpected. The fact that I became a father was overwhelming–I had to pull so many things together in such a short period of time to properly care for Lila. Housing, medical, cars, insurance, work two jobs, manage a relationship with Priscilla, etc. I used alcohol as a way to cope with life and its challenges–alcohol became my addiction due to a perceived lack of power in life and all its obligations. Then, my addiction to alcohol started impacting everything and everyone around me. Once I stabilized in early 2011, i jumped right into another relationship–and I still loved to drink. The relationship starting taking a turn for the worse after a few years, and instead of properly dealing with the root problem–I drank a lot and shut down.

I am grateful that my eyes have been opened to the fact that I CAN and WILL deal with life in a sober way. It may not always be perfect–but nothing is.

On day 141 I am more willing than ever to move on with my life–and have a grateful attitude. I am committed to never picking up a drink again–and better controlling my emotional reactions to negative or sad feelings. We all are confronted with adversity and heart-ache in life–but should never lose sight of the good things that exist. I already have a wonderful girl in my life in my daughter Lila. That is my priority.