Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Language exchange/Daddy how are your eggs

Scene:Amnesiac and colleague Slick Riches are in the office. Amnesiac is perfecting the art of using MSN whilst appearing to do work, a skill which requires quick-fire reactions and lightning flicking between windows abilities. Slick is slouched, smoking, and staring intensely at his computer screen, exasperated. The silence is broken only by the sound of Amnesiac eating cheese sandwiches.

Slick: Yaaaaa…the stuff I wrote late last night is all wrong…there isn’t one word without a red line underneathAmnesiac: [considering whether she can risk opening another conversation window] Hmm…Slick: Yan hareswed…I’ve even reversed lettersAmnesiac: [living life on the edge and opening the window] really…Slick: What’s it called in English that illness where you reverse letters…Dos – Des…Amnesiac: Dyslexia.Slick: [Resolutely] Aywwwwa. DezlaxeyaAmnesiac: La2 Dys – lex – iaSlick: Dyslexia…dyslexiaAmnesiac: And if you suffer from dyslexia you are dyslexic.Slick: [Mischievously] Dyslexic, dyslexic…And if you’re a girl you’re dyslexicayya?

Two minutes later

Slick: [In English, suddenly and loudly]: I AM DASLEEKSECAmnesiac: [Accidentally closing an MSN window in fright] YOU ARE DYSLEXICSlick: Ya saater…I’m even doslixec when I pronounce it

****

That afternoon. The only thing about the scene which has changed are the sandwiches, which have been eaten.

Slick: Ana met3’aaz. Met3’aaaaaaaaz. [I’m vexed. Vexeeeeed] Ta3rafy ya3ni aih met3’aaz? [Do you know what met3’aaz means?]Amnesiac: Yes it means you are experiencing 3’eez, which means you are experiencing bedan [eggs]. You are mabdounSlick: La2 3’eez and bedan are not exactly the same thing…met3’aaz is more like angry, but when I’m peed off I might say 3andy bedan kebeera [I have big eggs], bedaany itfa23at [my eggs have exploded]…and so onAmnesiac: Hmm...So when something is bedan, it’s stupid?Slick: Yes.Amnesiac: There’s a word for that in English: bollocksSlick: Boollecks?Amnesiac: No, bollocksSlick: BollocksAmnesiac: But don’t say it in front of old peopleSlick: Ya3ni ma2oulshi ‘ezzayak ya baba aih akhbar el bollocks 3andak?’ [Hi Dad what news of the bollocks?]Amnesiac: No