Worst consultant - trashy celebrity tabloid version

I know someone at the magazine who's actually filling this out, but fully expects to get fired. Celeb mags are doing just as badly as newspapers. Ok magazine - sorry, OK! magazine - hired someone to analyze what everyone's job is, in a scene right out of Office Space. Employees have to email the consultant their responses, as if writing about Brangelina every week wasn't degrading enough.

Hello all -
By 9am on Monday—no excuses—I need you to e-mail Jennifer Doll
answers to the following, which she will compile by noon and e-mail to
me.

Please be very specific:

Title.

To whom do you report and how long you have worked here.

2 to 3 sentence explanation of your job at OK!

What have you worked on in the last few issues that you were
particularly proud of, felt truly defined and was a fabulous story for
and in OK? Be very specific here. If it is a story with multiple
contributors I need to know exactly what you contributed. Writer?
Editor?

What sets OK! apart from US Weekly, Star, Life & Style and every other
celeb tab on the stands?

What was your last celeb encounter/experience and what was the take away.

I always love crap like this. I've experienced various versions of this and it always astounds me. You work at a newspaper/magazine. The people in charge can't figure out the answers to their questions themselves or bother to read the last few issues of the mag or paper?

But really, isn't asking for a three sentence explanation heavy lifting for someone used to writing photo captions or Fashion Do!/Fashion Don't!

Bob Slydell: You see, what we're trying to do is get a feeling for how people spend their time at work so if you would, would you walk us through a typical day, for you?
Peter Gibbons: Yeah.
Bob Slydell: Great.
Peter Gibbons: Well, I generally come in at least fifteen minutes late, ah, I use the side door - that way Lumbergh can't see me, heh - after that I sorta space out for an hour.
Bob Porter: Da-uh? Space out?
Peter Gibbons: Yeah, I just stare at my desk, but it looks like I'm working. I do that for probably another hour after lunch too, I'd say in a given week I probably only do about fifteen minutes of real, actual, work.
...
Peter Gibbons: You see, Bob, it's not that I'm lazy, it's that I just don't care.
Bob Porter: Don't…don't care?
Peter Gibbons: It's a problem of motivation, all right? Now if I work my ass off and Initech ships a few extra units, I don't see another dime, so where's the motivation? And here's another thing, I have eight different bosses right now.
Bob Porter: Eight?
Peter Gibbons: Eight, Bob. So that means when I make a mistake, I have eight different people coming by to tell me about it. That's my only real motivation is not to be hassled, that, and the fear of losing my job. But you know, Bob, that will only make someone work just hard enough not to get fired.
...
Bob Slydell: Would you bear with me for just a second here.
Peter Gibbons: OK.
Bob Slydell: What if - and believe me this is hypothetical - but what if you were offered some kind of a stock option equity sharing program. Would that do anything for you?
Peter Gibbons: I don't know, I guess. Listen, I'm gonna go. It's been really nice talking to both you guys.
Bob Slydell: Absolutely, the pleasure's all on this side of the table, trust me.
Peter Gibbons: Good luck with your layoffs, all right? I hope your firings go really, really well.
Bob Porter: Excellent.
Bob Slydell: Great... Wow.

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(C'mon, somebody was going to do it.)

In all serious, while the questions aren't unreasonable, isn't this what good managers are supposed to do anyway? Why do they need to hire consultants to figure out who's a good employee and who is not?

Maybe a manager is too close to the situation. I don't condone hiring outsiders to do the hard work, but sometimes a manager can recognize they have biases and could get rid of good employees they just don't like. I think it shows good leadership if a manager needs to go outside to keep from getting rid of good employees with whom they clash.

I especially liked the requests for two hot-button buzz topics and a cover idea. As in, "We're going to fire a bunch of people, including you, but leave us with some good ideas so we can do more with less."