“My lord,” moaned the disheveled Orc as he fell to his knees before Captain Lurtz, “The Ferals are growing hungry and uncontrollable!”

Lurtz looked down at the wretched Orc, and noticed a still-bleeding lump of flesh where his ear used to be. “I see,” growled the mighty Uruk-Hai Captain. He placed one clawed hand under his chin and massaged the muscled flesh there while he thought. Normally, he solved all of his problems by putting his massive fist through someone else's face, but he intuitively knew that Saruman wouldn't be terribly pleased if he allowed his army to eat itself.

He waved at his co-Captain, Lurghbatz of the Legions of the White Hand. The other Uruk-Hai Captain acknowledged the wave and Lurtz could see him ordering four Orcs to pick up his boulder and move it. Lurtz sighed, knowing what was coming. Slowly, the grunting Orcs rolled the boulder in front of him, then fell back, panting, as their master jumped on top of it. “What is it?” asked Lurghbatz from his elevated perch.

Lurtz paused for a moment, struggling with the almost-overwhelming urge to put his fist through Lurghbatz's face, although, he reflected, a solid groin punch would be easier from this position. “The Ferals grow hungry and the Orcs grow nervous. I think it is time for foraging.”

Lurghbatz nodded sagely, although Lurtz knew he was likely the farthest thing from a sage in all the Westfold. From his elevated position on the boulder, Lurghbatz shielded his eyes from the sun with one hand and let his gaze wander from East to West. “To the West, I can see a hill with tasty goats browsing on its sides. To the East, I see a forest with cute little bunnies hopping about. Each looks to be about two-bites large, but there are many of them.” A string of drool formed on his twisted lips, and Lurtz felt his own stomach growling.

“Good,” he clapped his hands together, getting the rest of the army's attention. “I will lead the Ferals to the forest, Captain Lurghbatz will lead his warriors to the hill, and the crossbowmen and Orcs with bows will set up a kitchen here and start boiling some water for stew. Any questions?”

The Orc with the torn ear raised his hand. Lurtz sighed. “Yes, what is it, wretch?” He knew that the Orcs had names, but their battlefield-lifespans were so short, he never bothered to learn them. A thrown rock usually got their attention directly enough.

“Uh, Captain, who are they?” Torn-ear asked, pointing at a gathering army to the North.

Some distance to the North, Kushir of Harad, nodded towards a groveling Haradrim spearman. “You may speak, slave.”

“Thank you, great lord,” said the spearman, pressing his cloth-wrapped face into the dust. “A thousand pardons for my unworthy words, but our food supplies are all gone, and the mercenaries grow hungry and irritable.”

“Pah” answered Kushir. “There is a hill with many goats on it and a forest filled with rabbits, by the grace of Sauron. We shall send out our riders to shoot the rabbits and have the Abrakhan guard climb the hill to fetch the goats. They could do with the workout, merciful Sauron knows. Leave a few spearmen here to get a pot boiling for stew.”

“My lord!” shouted a Haradrim raider as he rode up on his desert-bred steed. “Uruk-Hai from the tower of Isengard march forth; they claim the animals as their own fodder!”

“By great Sauron's eye, they shall not have them!” shouted Kushir. “Blow your horn and send for the army! We shall paint this field with their filthy black blood!”

To the South, Lurghbatz watched the muster of the heavy-set Abrakhan guard. “Well, meat's definitely back on the menu today,” he muttered. Then, with a roar, he rallied his troops. “Time to fight, lads! We are the fighting Uruk-Hai, and they can take our lives, but they'll never take our supper!”

The Uruks and Orcs roared in hearty agreement and formed into their battle formations. Across the field, the Haradrim had likewise formed up and were moving out.

The Uruk-Hai warriors, led by Lurghbatz and backed up by pikemen, marched towards the hill. Abrakhan guards, backed up by Haradrim spearmen, moved to oppose them. The Haradrim had numbers on their side, while the Uruk-Hai had heavier armor, longer pikes, and the intimidating presence of Lurghbatz. The Uruk-Hai Captain felt confident that if he could engage the Haradrim in a relatively narrow gap between the hill itself and a wall-like outcropping of rocks, the quality of his troops would defeat his enemies before they could bring the weight of their numbers to bear.

Lurtz led the Uruk-Hai scouts on a run towards the forest, using terrain for cover as best he could. Facing them were the raider cavalry of the Haradrim, and it was always and uncomfortable proposition to be facing enemies on horses with bows when one was on foot and armed only with melee weapons. On the other hand, Lurtz knew that the Haradrim could not simply abandon the forest and its tasty rabbits, and he had sent his usual skirmish line of Orcs with shields out in front of his valuable Uruk-Hai troops. He lived by the axiom that, if one couldn't avoid being shot, one could at least choose which parts of one's army were going to be shot.

In any case, the Haradrim raiders had decided that the skirmish line of Orc archers that were in front of the Uruk-Hai crossbowmen were an easier target, and rained down poisoned arrows on the hapless Orcs until all but one of them were dead. The crossbowmen did what they could to provide covering fire, but they were far too few, compared to the numbers of the Haradrim raiders.

Having slain the majority of the Orc archers, the raiders turned their bows towards the approaching scouts, and Lurtz groaned in pain as a poisoned arrow stuck him in the thigh. This time, though, the crossbowmen showed their worth and shot down several of the raiders.

From the West came a mighty crash as the Uruk-Hai warriors crashed into the guardsman. They battled in the gap, just as Lurghbatz had wished, and casualties were fairly even there, for the moment. In the East, Lurtz led a heroic charge of the scouts into the Haradrim raiders and melee was joined.

In a frenzy of hunger, the Feral Uruk-Hai leaped upon the raiders and dragged them from their horses, ripping out the throats of the men. Behind the Ferals, Orcs with shields and spears stabbed horsemen in the gaps between the front-line fighters. Although scouts and Orcs were dying here and there, the fighting power of the Ferals was quickly turning that section of the battlefield into an equine abattoir.

To the West, Lurghbatz as continuing to lose casualties in about the same number as the Haradrim, and he knew that with the superior numbers of the enemy, he would eventually be overwhelmed. He led a fighting retreat from the hill, back towards his camp, and bellowed for four of his crossbowmen to get over and reinforce his line.

Overcome by poison, Lurtz staggered and fell into a deep sleep. Kushir himself led that part of the fighting line, but even with the Haradrim king's fighting skills, the Ferals continued to tear through his raiders, and Kushir himself was first dismounted, then wounded by the Orc skirmishers, to his everlasting shame. Both armies were now broken, and men and Orcs began to flee the battlefield. Exhausted, and finally realizing that they were on the same side, Lurghbatz and Kushir called a truce. The Uruk-Hai retained control of their own camp, and had seized the forest, and the Haradrim held their own camp and had taken the hill. Lurghbatz though that if the battle had lasted a little longer, his forces could have rolled over the weakened Haradrim in the West and seized the hill, but he also knew it was sometimes best not to push his luck too far.

Ah, hubris has been the ruin of many a general...I agree that if you had refused combat on the left flank and drawn me into the open area beyond the chokepoint, I would have done worse, and had you played for extra time on the right flank, you might have taken down a few more of my Ferals. Your eunechs might have had a better chance against the Ferals than the raiders did, too.

Of course, not every element in my army worked well either. The Orc bowmen are definitely going to be reassigned. Lurtz was horribly injured, but his possession of 3 might points allowed him to survive the arrow attack and launch a heroic charge against the raiders, where a regular Uruk captain would have died. The crappy Orcs did their job well, dying in place of Uruk-Hai or providing cheap support to powerful fighters.

Overall, I was pleased with the performance of my Isengard army.

When you get the time, you must relate how your Dwarf Rangers then squashed my troops with great mountains of throwing-cheese during Ill Met by Moonlight...