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I grew up when citizen band (CB) radios were the ‘in thing’ for technology ( I know I’m showing my age) and were mostly used by truckers to communicate with each other. There are two things that we can learn from the truckers’ form of communication that can help bring peace to ourselves and our households.

First is their call out. For example “Breaker one nine, Breaker one nine, radio check.” was there way of calling out to others that were dialed in to channel 19 to help verify how well their signal was being sent and received. As parents how well do you think you are dialed into the same channel your kids are on? As individuals, how well do you think you are dialed into the same channel that God is on?
Parents often expect that kids communicate on the parent’s level but when we do this, it can lead to miscommunication. Kids, especially the younger ones, don’t have the experiences and the knowledge that adults have. Of course our goal is to get them to a higher level but in order to do that we must meet them where they are at mentally, emotionally and even physically. By bringing things to their level, they are more open and able to comprehend better thus giving us a better chance of good communication.
From a personal standpoint, if God were requesting a ‘radio check’, are you on the same channel as God? Much like communicating with our kids, we need to be on the right channel to communicate with God. If we’re too busy being dialed into the tv, radio, internet and video games, God’s message isn’t going to be received.
As Matthew Kelly suggests in his books and talks, ‘spend some time in the classroom of silence’. Take some time to do your own ‘radio checks’ with God and other people in your life to see how strong those signals are being sent and received because not everybody is going to be on the same channel. It’s up to each of us to open lines of good communication by getting dialed in to the right channel.

The second part of the truckers’ communication is calling another specific trucker. For example “Pappa Bear calling Lone Wolf, Pappa Bear calling Lone Wolf, you got your ears on?” Today we have many things, messages and people to listen to but it’s not just a matter of listening (‘got our ears on’) but also what type of ears do we have on.
During my dad illness, my mom and sister would take him to the doctor and it was amazing how different the reports back from the doctor were depending upon who I asked. I remember after one visit my mom reported that the doctor said they would set dad up with some therapy so he could walk again. During the next phone call to my sister, she was shocked that was the message mom heard because the doctor did prescribe physical therapy but said nothing about dad being able to walk again. It was then that we realized that mom had ‘different ears on’ so that she could hear what she wanted to hear.
I had a similar experience with watching one of the tv evangelist, Joel Osteen. He is pastor at one of the mega churches located in Texas. When I first saw him on tv and saw how big his following was (they own the former Compac Center and have a weekly attendance of over 43,000) my first thought was that he was just another money hungry tv preacher. So as my wife and I would listen, the ears that I had on were focused on proving that Joel was a fake, a ‘feel -good’ preacher who didn’t have a real message and was only out for money. There were times when he said things that I interpreted in a way to prove myself being right. But after I stopped judging him and started letting go of all the negative talk about him, I started to listen to his words in how they can help me personally and help my clients. I began to hear things in a whole new light and his messages have taken on a new meaning which have helped me and others.
How often in your life do have on the ears of prejudice, anger, or resentment? If you’re a republican, what ears do you have on when a democrat speaks and vise versa? Unknowingly, we do the same thing with family, friends, co-workers, bosses etc. Image how much more peace and happiness we would find in our lives if we listened for the good and the positive. Imagine if we listened to understand our kids from their perspective, not ours. How we think about people or events influences how we see and hear. I encourage you to open your mind and heart so that you can hear a whole new world.

Who would have thought Sir Isaac Newton could help you find happiness in your life? Before we reveal that, let’s first review his first law of motion as described in www.physics4kids.com.
￼First Law
The first law says that an object at rest tends to stay at rest, and an object in motion tends to stay in motion, with the same direction and speed. Motion (or lack of motion) cannot change without an external force acting. If nothing is happening to you, and nothing does happen, you will never go anywhere. If you’re going in a specific direction, unless something happens to you, you will always go in that direction. Forever.

Here’s another take on Newton’s first law.
What if that external ‘force’ is not a physical force? What if that force comes from within? If we continue to do the same things over and over again and expect a different outcome, that’s the definition of insanity. By changing the way we think about someone or something, this then becomes the force that will help us change direction in our lives. So another way to look at this law is: a body in motion (someone’s life) will remain in motion in the same direction unless it is acted upon by a change in thought. This holds true because our thoughts drive our feelings that drive our actions.

Yet another way this first law applies is without anything physical. Our thoughts stay ‘in motion’ (unconscious thinking) until acted upon by a force, namely a new thought. As it says from the quote above, “If you’re going in a specific direction, unless something happens to you, you will always go in that direction. Forever.” Not only is this true in our external world but it also applies to our internal world. If we continue to think the same thoughts about ourselves or others, we will continue down that path. By breaking the cycle of thinking that doesn’t serve us well, we free ourselves to change the direction of our lives and to grow. By letting go of hatred, shame, guilt, prejudice etc, we can change the direction of our lives and that will allow us to have more capacity for love and growth.

The great part of it is that we don’t need an outside force (someone else) to change our thoughts. We have the capability to change how we think and how we see the world without needing someone else to do it for us. By being mindful and taking time to examine our thoughts through meditation, prayer, journaling or even having someone to challenge our current thoughts, we have the power to become that life changing force. Grant it, there will be people who come into our lives who will impact us but each of us is the one responsible for being open and allowing that influence to have an impact. As Gandhi said “Be the change you want to see in the world.” We have the power within us to be that change, to be that “external force” to change our direction and the direction of the world simply by changing the way we think. Our thoughts drive our feelings that drive our actions.
How can you use this version of Newton’s First Law to set the direction you want to be going?

It’s Halloween time again with lots of little ones coming up to us with their cries of ‘trick or treat’. It’s fun to see all the costumes and trying to figure out who’s hiding behind the mask. Whereas these masks are intentionally put on and for fun, how often do you unknowingly hide behind a mask?

I’m not talking about a halloween mask, but rather a ‘personality’ mask. It may be a mask we put on at work, or at church, or with your friends or even with people we first meet. Is everyday at work a ‘halloween party’ for you because you hide behind a mask out of fear that they will see the true you? Do you put on the ‘I’m the perfect parent’ mask as you take your kids to the weekly religious service? How many of us men put on the ‘I’m tough’ mask and hold back our emotions so as not to be judge as being soft?

I remember a part of Matthew Kelly’s book Perfectly Yourself 9 Lessons for Enduring Happiness when he poses this question. If you were in a room full of people from work, church, neighborhood, family, old friends and new acquaintances and they were all talking about you, would it be obvious that they were talking about the same person? Many times it’s not so obvious because we ‘act’ differently depending upon where we are or who we are around and reveal only parts of ourselves to others based upon our comfort level in that situation. To those with whom we are most comfortable we are able to give the gift of true self and come out from behind the mask.

Imagine what it would be like to put those masks away so that you can be who you truly are all the time! No more pretending to be in a perfect marriage, or to be the perfect parent or the tough guy. No more pretending, it’s time to live an authentic life. When you live without all the masks, you are able to enjoy deeper relationships, have more energy, be a better role model for your kids and feel a greater sense of peace being you instead of acting like someone else. As the quote by Bernard Baruch says “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those that matter don’t mimd.”

Instead of using that energy that you spend on hiding, utilize that energy to work on accepting and loving who you are and enjoying the life you have today. The cool thing is that when you let go of your false self and acknowledge and live as your truest self, you will enjoy life even more. So save those masks in a box labeled ‘Halloween stuff’.

When you see the word surrender, what comes to mind? It usually signifies defeat, giving up, giving in or waving the white flag. It’s associated with weakness. I’ve come to realize a different meaning for surrender.

About six months ago, I kept noticing the word surrender in what I read or heard, so I wrote it on the white board in my office not knowing what significance it held. During this time I was in the midst of rebranding my coaching business and this new business plan just didn’t feel right. I was a part of a business building mastermind group with about a dozen other coaches and things were really taking off for everyone. Well, everyone but me. Others were landing big contracts, being on radio and television shows and putting together some big events. I felt like everyone was on the fast train and I was left behind at the station.

I was putting a lot of time and effort into my new business plan. Every spare minute I would sneak up to my office to get some work done. I figured if one of us was interacting with the kids (ages 8 & 11) then that was enough. In talking to my wife one morning, I came to realize that I, The Family First Coach, wasn’t putting my family first. Our kids love spending time with us and want family time, not with just one of us, but with both of us. So I started to take another look at how I wanted my business to be, how much time I was willing to commit to it and how much time I wanted to commit to my family.

Then one day, as I saw the word SURRENDER on my white board, it dawned on me that I needed to surrender and let go of what everyone else defined as a successful coaching business. I needed to surrender and let go of how the typical male role in the family is defined. This was a tough thing to do! Letting go of being with the elite coaches and their thriving global businesses was a tough pill to swallow. Being in a role where I’m not contributing financially as much as I had in the past was something I was not comfortable with. But bigger is not always better.

The biggest surrender, though, was changing from telling God what I wanted my business to be to asking Him what He wanted me to do with my business. This reminded me of JFK’s inaugural address: “And so, my fellow Americans: ask not what your country can do for you – ask what you can do for your country.” In a similar way, I now changed my mindset for my business to ask what I and my business can do for God. As cool as that sounds, it sure is tough to let go of control and to be open to the unknown. I know where I’m at right now is where I’m supposed to be, but I have this feeling that God has something bigger in store for me. It’s exciting yet scary!

I now see surrender not as a weakness but as a STRENGTH! It’s hard to let go of the ego. It’s hard to let go of how I defined success as it related to how big my business is. It’s hard to let go of society’s definition of the husband’s role around the house. It takes strength, which I ask for every day, to let go of control, to let go of society’s ways and definitions and to trust that God will put me in the lives of those that need me and put me in the lives of those I need. It’s a true blessing to be able to help people through my work and also have the time I get to enjoy with my family. I surrender!

I was recalling the other day our honeymoon which involved a bit of driving and on one stretch we were driving from San Francisco to Lake Tahoe. During my 35 years I had become a very time regimented person so it was only natural that I would do a search to find out exactly how long this drive would take us to get to our destination. Not only that but I didn’t like driving – I just wanted to get there. I had it all planned out so that we could reach our destination right on schedule.

Having been married at the end of October, our honeymoon travel got detoured due to snow covered road closures. There went my schedule! This detour took us through a small town with it’s 25mph speed limit and traffic. There went my schedule even more! Even though we didn’t have to be anywhere at any specific time, I was so focused on being ‘behind schedule’ that I missed out on this cool little town. This detour gave us an opportunity to visit this old town that was like going back in time but my mind wasn’t in the moment, it was in the future. Even after reaching our destination, my mind automatically started thinking about our next destination and its schedule. We had a great time, but I wonder what else I missed by not being 100% there, where ever we were.

How true this is for our every day lives? We tend to get so focused on the destination that we miss out on great experiences in our lives. If we focus on just ‘getting through’ college, or getting the kids through school, or getting through this week, we rob ourselves of so many things. How many times do you hear people say “I can’t wait for
for my kids to be in school.” “I can’t wait for my kids to get out of school.” “I can’t wait for my kids to be out of the house.”

Imagine what it would be like to really enjoy and fully experience everywhere we are at all the time. What do you miss out on when you get in the “I can’t wait” mode? What if we took the ‘scenic route’ in life and made a conscious effort to enjoy even the ‘detours’ in life?

There’s a show on Discovery channel called Gold Rush which is about three groups who are in Alaska mining for gold. The show documents all the trials and tribulations they go through in order to discover the buried gold buy digging and moving layers and layers of dirt all the way down to the bedrock. Through all the thousands of tons of dirt and rock they move, they are in search of small flakes of gold. Day after day dirt and rocks are sent through a wash plant machine that cleans, shakes and filters all the sediment just to find these tiny flakes of gold.

This got me thinking about how God is much like buried gold. God is in all of us and sometimes he’s buried like the gold in Alaska and we have to dig deep to find Him. Just as the miners get to that bedrock, we too have to get to the solid base of who we truly are – children of God. It’s our job to break through all that dirt in our lives to let God shine from within us. It can be tough when we see all the muck of society and the world around us, but remember when the gold miners are hard at work they aren’t looking for the dirt, they’re looking for the gold! The same goes for us, we can either focus on all of our ‘dirt’, or we can look for the good in life and the God in us.

This same ‘God mining’ mentality applies to others in our lives. We can focus on their rough exterior of others or spend some effort mining for the good in them. In the news we are always hearing about ‘digging up the dirt on someone’, but what about digging up some gold on someone? As parents, this is a great opportunity for us to do a little mining with our kids. By looking for and acknowledging the good in them versus looking at their ‘dirt’, we will find more peace and be more patient with them. This will also help the kids to do some mining of their own and be mindful that God is in them and they can work on letting those flakes of God shine through them. By working on this together, you will naturally create a tighter bond between you and your kids which will lead to higher self confidence in them and thus a solid foundation for happy, well-adjusted kids.

Imagine the peace in your life and in your family as you discover gold God in you and them.

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Ron is a man with a gift of listening and getting to the heart of an issue. He is a gift to families relieving the stress by getting to the core of what’s most important to each family member and bringing those values together to form a family team who’s ready to leap together into their world.