Wednesday, October 3, 2018

KETO rhymes with NEATO

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I’m weary to my bones from
current events and American polidicks, so this blog is about food. Food fixes
everything, right? Three-fourths of Americans (the number that will be
considered overweight by 2020, according to the CDC) can’t be wrong, right?

As a person who’s struggled
with weight since my uber-hormonal childbirthing days, I’ve finally settled on
a keto lifestyle, which is the only sustainable
plan that helps me shed lbs and puffballness, feel less joint pain, and have a
workable amount of energy. In addition, my blood work is holding steady at “amazing,”
in spite of my tendency toward high (sometimes skyrocketing) blood sugar,
cholesterol, and triglycerides.

I’m not here to promote the diet. Eat whatever you want, and leave my diet alone. But if you’re already
keto-ing, or if you decide to give it a try, I’ll tell you about a few things
that make sticking to the plan possible for this hard-core Dorito-binging, I’ll-have-a-Butterfinger-with-my-ice
cream, reformed KetoNerd. And if you need the basics, you can look up KETO stuff all over the interwebs. It’s basically protein, non-starchy veggies, and good fat (https://www.womenshealthmag.com/weight-loss/a19434332/what-is-the-keto-diet/). Anyway, here are my tips:

2. Tuna salad and egg salad –
protein, sugar-free mayo, negative-calorie celery, a few onion flakes, parsley.
A great breakfast/lunch, and a nice change from slabs of meat.

3. Monk fruit sweetener – If I
must have it sweet (a bit in vinaigrettes, fat bombs, mini cheesecakes, etc.),
this is a good tasting, 1:1 substitution, no net carb alternative to sugar.
which I no longer eat (except on rare occasions in my daughter’s amazing
cakes).

6. Whisps – these things have
SAVED. MY. CARBAHOLIC. LIFE. It’s cheese, baked crispy and shaped like a chip.
Dip in egg salad, tuna salad, cashew or almond butter (unsweetened), eat out of
the bag. They come in several flavors.

7. Atkins Meal Replacement
Bars – I keep these on hand for a quick go-to meal replacement, or when I have
to have something sweet.

9. Joseph’s Lavash Bread –
when I absolutely MUST have bread. ½ of a giant piece has 5 gms carbs (I keep
it under 25 gms/day), and ¼ piece, or 2.5 gms carbs, is just right for a BLT,
hotdog, tuna/egg salad rollup. But mostly, BLT.

In addition to these pantry
staples, I try to do production-line cooking on weekends, then freeze or fridge
smaller portions for the coming week: I sauté/bake beef chunks, chicken thighs
and/or chicken breast chunks, and lamb chops/cubes (my favorite), I make my
tuna/egg salads, and I boil eggs for quick grab-n-go protein/fat. The good fats
I use are coconut oil, olive oil, ghee, heavy whipping cream (for coffee and
sauces/soups), and occasionally, butter. Lots of salads, green beans, broccoli,
and celery (which I dip in nut butters, cream cheese, egg/tuna salads). I try
to buy as much organic, grassfed, and minimally processed food as I can. When I
eat out, I eat meat and a salad. I avoid fast food, but if I’m stuck on the
road, I’ll go for a fast food salad with protein.