On Alcoholics Anonymous:“I will not believe that if I do something then I have to follow a certain path, because it was written nice. It was written for normal people, people that aren’t special. People that don’t have tiger blood, you know, Adonis DNA.”

On how special he is:“I’m tired of pretending like I’m not bitching, a total fricking rock star from Mars, and people can’t figure me out; they can’t process me. I don’t expect them to. You can’t process me with a normal brain.”

On his children reading about his exploits:“Talk about an education. That’s the guy, and he’s our dad, and we can get all the answers and the truth? Wow, winning. That’s how you perceive it.”

On suing CBS if they don’t hire him back at $3 million per episode plus a $20 million signing bonus:“They picked a fight with a warlock.”

- RadarOnline -

On his dad comparing his addiction to cancer:“Okay, Pop walk through a cancer ward right now and find any of those motherfuckers who look like me.”

On the cast and crew of Two and a Half Men losing work:“Well, I feel bad but it’s not my fault so I’m not going to make any apologies.”

On CBS citing his conduct and condition for canceling the show:“My conduct is bitchin’, my condition is perfect so… I don’t know what they’re talking about.”

On what he’ll do next:“The five films I’ve been offered in the last like 8 minutes. I could entertain the 14 book deals I’ve got sitting on the table. I’m not going to be sitting around.”