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Monday, February 9, 2009

Waiting

Polyfulcrum muses-

Within PG's circles, in particular, there are several relationships that are struggling, or terminally damaged. He's spending a good amount of time and energy supporting, listening, and just waiting for the dust to settle with others. Being a great example of a friend you'd want to have, he's right there, providing as much as is asked and some that isn't.

The thing is that, since we are so deeply entangled, it isn't just him. As much as it would be convenient to be able to unplug and avoid the feedback that happens when so much upheaval is stirring the nearby waters, it's pretty impossible. Moreover, it's not something I would want to do. And so, I too am waiting. Waiting for the wake to pass, waiting for happy to become a larger part of his extended network, waiting for him to feel full of life and optimism again.

This is possibly one of the parts of poly that I struggle the most with. It falls in with my Mama Bear syndrome, the part where I get protective of my loved ones. When they hurt, I hurt. Therefore, seemingly the best way to avoid hurt myself is to prevent my loved ones from being hurt, or the ones that they care about. As this is obviously impossible, I am left trying to be relaxed and calm, when I would really rather ask him to pull back from those connections to save himself (and me!) the drain that such hard transitions cause.

Obviously, we all try to be sensible when we choose who we date or befriend. There isn't an overwhelming urge to introduce drama into our lives. There are times where the crystal ball isn't working the way it should, and an outside relationship that previously seemed stable and predictable goes south in a hurry, and there you are as a part of the dynamic, albeit on the outside of the main fray.

What then? While there may be a certain amount of desire to allow the person who is hurting, in pain, or angry drift away, that isn't the way that we do things. No fair-weather friends here! So for now I'll keep waiting. Plugging into the system, paying it forward, knowing that there will come a time where I need more than I am giving, and hoping that someone will be there to give it.