The Pat and Barb Verly family and their 5 children, in laws and grandkids along with many prayer warriors have been drawn together by John's cancer... sharing daily for 8 months started this blog- Family Soul Story - Our faith, family, farm and now our cancer journey called HEALING have colored and deepened our world. WE continue to share and depend on the support of our prayer warrior community, that has lowered us into the Lord's presence for His healing!

Sunday, June 30, 2013

Rose getting ready to get in the van for 7 hours for our trip to the Big Lake - Michigan!

Shared
prayers in the van on the way. Morning prayer on in the office on
line reminded us that it was the feast day of two amazing Saints
Peter and Paul! The trip seemed short and painless as we left from
the Cities fairly early, and arrived late afternoon, made a nice
family meal and enjoyed some books, walks, Ruth is starting on her
Christmas stockings for her new little boy, Nancy is working on come
crafts for her blog, we had a mini celebration for Paul and Simon's
feastday.... there was some ice cream left in the freezer that we
used to celebrate. Thanks to those that bought our party for St
Peter and St Paul. I found a novel it the bookcase called The
Apostle by Sholem Asch. I will give it a try and think that it will
be a great find! I will let you know if it is.

It
was so good to see the grandkids so happy here and to see little Rose
so big and happy crawling around – on the verge of walking for the
first time. She probably will walk here... especially when Grandpa
gets here to encourage her with his big fingers. Mary and I just
took our first walk down at sunset to see the fossils and to check
out the water temps. Mary says that it is warm. I agree that it
doesn't seem too cold as we are conditioned with the spring fed pond
at our state park by the farm.

The two celebrate their feastday at the cabin - the beginning of super family time !

The
feastday reminded us of this day 3 years ago when we were in Kansas
City to say goodbye to Hallel. Many times today the Community came
into our conversations as we traveled here. Nancy and Bill shared
how wonderful their visit was to Vienna ,Austria – the small
monastery sandwiched between two huge apartment buildings. They had
a the most wonderful meal on their entire trip there with course
after course and lots of great joyful visiting and laughter. Then we
talked about going in September for the dedication of the little
Monastery in Kansas City, and the Postulant, Marie taking her habit
and changing her name the day before. The other 3 Americans will
take their habits in France, I am told. There is a chance that
Hallel will be here for that... so team Verly could very well be
there in force. Time will tell. It is hard today as even before we
got into Wisconsin on our trip we got a call from Maria having us
look at their blog with all the things listed that they wanted us to
do while in Michigan. It is very sad and hard to not have them here
with us and there were a few tears as we read their wishes for us to
do here, and knowing that they are with us in spirit. We miss you
our special military family in Texas! We miss Pat back home, and we
know that he is yearning to be here with us too!

Mary and I take our first walk on the beach - she thinks the water is warm, and it isn't near as bad as I thought it would be. So good to be here, and having her here reminds me of my days with my sister Mary under my arm!

Jesus,
we are so blessed by our family time, and this place holds so many
glorious memories of special times here. Fossils, and watercolors,
and family meals around the big table – there are 12 of us here!
Grandma was in grandma heaven with the two baby girls all over me on
the couch. I know grandpa will be so jealous when he reads this.
Thank you for all the laughter and the love and the JOY. Jesus, we
trust in YOU. Amen and Halleluia

So wonderful to be here in the coolness of our Big Lake - it is the year of the misquitoes here, and we are doing what we have to for that battle - there must be more water and perfect conditions for them. We are adjusting to a house full of 12 and half of them children. Except for asking that the organ be shut off on a regular basis... without the TV, it is a lot of visiting, praying, eating, playing, and grandma time holding the little ones while their parents are busy with meals, etc. So far the girls are making the meals and grandma does the clean up. Mass was good with Mary looking for her patron saint and finding her in the windows and the statue in the front of Church. We both felt sad when we saw the Therese window. Sigh.... We all have to keep a closer eye on the little ones because we don't have T here to watch them and take care that they don't fall down the stairs etc!
We miss you T and family so much! But we are grateful that Rose is good on the stairs up and down to the loft. She took two steps to dad in the back of Church after mass, getting ready to walk next Sunday for us...

Friday, June 28, 2013

It was the first day of baling at home and Paul's new bale wagon sat out in front of the house ready to shoot into action. I actually got the call to drive over and help pick up bales until John came and relieved me. The newly mowed grass, corn waist high in the field, and the flashy red new bale wagon with the beautiful sky overhead... a dazzling picture on a postcard summer day. Now to head to the Big Lake Michigan where it is always cooler with the big icebox called Lake Michigan. With the cold late spring the water will be very cold, but we are conditioned with our swimming in our spring fed pool at the local State Park - Camden. My brother's family just left after a week and they swam every day! It will feel good to hear that we are enjoying cool weather while the summer heat is making the corn grow at home.

Fair weather clouds come with us to Michigan, and bless us with some good days to enjoy the sugar sand beach.

Waist high corn has grown a lot in the last hot weeks of summer weather. Thank you, Lord, for giving us the heat units we need. Jesus, we trust in you. Bless-bless, Barb

A rest stop for the night at Nancy's - up early and the other 7 hours first thing in the morning. The question for this year - will Rose walk as Mary did at this age and Augustine last year? Yes, most of us think she will. Michigan just seems to be where the April/May babies learn to walk for the first time....usually they have ahold of grandpa's finger and they are pulling him into the Big Lake. So that would mean that she will walk the second week when grandpa comes. Time will tell.

We are very excited to be heading out for our family time on the Big Lake Michigan tomorrow! It is a time for close family sharing and caring away from the distractions of TV and computer! This picture of Nancy and her precious Godson, Simon, was taken just before we headed off to France in August 2009 of John's brain cancer journey. Being together for 2 weeks in Michigan will allow Simon and Nancy to spend some special time together. Nancy is a wealth of projects to do with the kids, and Simon has discovered that he likes to draw on paper his many wonderful imaginations he has about robotics and tractors. All his time studying books from the tractor stores of the ins and outsides of tractors have left a definite imprint on his mind - he can now draw very precise and surprising drawings of tractors and impliments! He now thinks that art is pretty cool and definitely something that allows him to share his thinking. It is nice to see him embrace this along with his sister, Mary, who loves her pictures and watercolors. We are just sad that our Therese will not be there to join in the art times with her Nancy and cousins!

Today a dear friend shared on facebook that she just returned from a life altering time in China! It reminded me of the intense feeling that filled and shocked me to the core when I returned from our miraculous trip to France/Lourdes when JOhn was just three weeks out from his brain surgery and just after his second chemo for Primary Central Nervous System Lymphoma! After not being able to reach us for help to the bathroom overnight and getting there,with great difficulty, by himself. Maybe we can go to France for his sister, Susan's, taking her habit and changing her name? Within 24 hours we had tickets and went to join Nancy, who had flown on without us after John's cancer seemed to change everything! We did it... we were shocked and amazed that it had worked out for us to go!

How powerful for us... the picture was not quite complete most especially with Hallel's dad unable to drop everything and come on a day's notice, but...

Two years later for her first vows - he was there!!! As was his mom and John!

And the night before Hallel's vows we watched 5 women take the habit and change their names - Pat wept at the beauty of the change and power of the mass/service. At that point he understood and shared in what we had experienced with Hallel two years before! There is a bridge in time that can heal and share experiences! As hard as it was for him to stay behind when we had come in 2009 - now he could experience all of it two years later and with tears share in the JOY and Wonder of it all! Our daughter is joyfully a spouse of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ! What proud and happy parents are we!

And Lourdes happened both trips! John was thrilled to go back and thank Our Lady for her healing and motherly LOVE that cradled him in her arms throughout his cancer battle! Here he holds a candle that he bought and lit to Our Lady for a young girl, Lisa. She is now with her Lord after a courageous battle with brain cancer - she was just a year older than John. John says that he still struggles with why he is still here in this world... that can be difficult and challanging as we all know. He sometimes seems to wonder why he wasn't spared the struggle and join our Lord, yet at the same time he has a feeling that he is here for a greater purpose. He is thrilled that Fr Craig is helping and encouraging him to share his story and bring others to the Truth that Jesus is alive and well and healing just as He did in the days that he walked the earth! John is a living breathing example of all that! One thing about this job/vocation search he is on is that he is asking the Lord what he wants for John, and not so much what John would selfishly want. That is not done so much with young people these days, but imagine how much happier and more fulfilled they would be if they approached their futures in this way! Life would fall into place and your path would be through the doors that open ahead of you... Trusting in HIM!

"Sweet Mother of God... I love you and thank you for how you held me and brought me to your Son - so that I would find the Faith that I half-heartedly asked for. I love you as a loving son, and will always look to you in all that I face in life. You are my Spiritual Mother and I am your weak and lowly son." To see John contemplating his love for her and the devotion and passion he has towards her after his year in seminary is so out-of-this-world for me. Those rosary beads were in my hands as a lifeline throughout the year of John's battle for life against the giant - brain cancer! John and I shared many rosaries and decades of the rosary at each time of need for us or for others that we met along the way - Lisa was one of those!
Jesus, we are filled, once again, with the great beauty and JOY that we found on our journey towards healing armed with all that You and Your Bride, The Church,could offer us! It was so much that we could not contain it all! Each day was filled with Your Word/Jesus which became visible to us - LIFE through the Gospel! We shared mass daily many days, the sacraments of reconcilliation often and healing of the sick/annointing 4 times, then all the Saints that walked the journey with us carrying their Most Cherished Crosses and showing John how to do that without counting the cost! How we loved and embraced our Cross that brought LIFE to us and showed John the Faith he had witnessed from afar in his sisters - now his own! St Irenaeus, on this your feastday - knowing that you were a second generation disciple of St John the Evangelist and his Gospel of LIFE/LOVE/ LIGHT! Thank you for fighting to bring the Truth to us today, and continue to show us the glory of Christ in our midst. Jesus, we trust in YOU. Amen and Halleluia

Bless-bless, Barb

How Pat loved to help in Saint-Pierre! There is a very funny story about cement and this little pickup(?) and the steep hills in the foothills of the Pyrannies Mountains where St Pierre is located, but another time for that...

Thursday, June 27, 2013

While mom had her doctor's visit today and the others had swimming lessons and signing up for 4H projects - I had Rose all to myself. Mom dressed her super cute and put her hair in dog ears, so after the bed was made grandma tried some photos, of course! I thought it would be neat to get Mary with baby Jesus statue as her mom was going to have her 20 week ultrasound and for the first time was going to ask to find out if the baby was a boy or a girl. Rose seemed so happy and touched by this wonderful beautiful statue of Mary with Jesus! She cradled it and gave grandma this huge sweet smile!

What do you think is going through her mind and heart? "I love my mommy, and it would be pretty special if she had a tiny new baby to love and hold and I could be a big sister then!" Yes! That is just what she wants even though she doesn't know it at this point. This new baby brother will be looking up to her and always very close to her as they grow up together in the Lanoue bunch! She is a very lucky farmgirl to be growing up in a wonderful family on the farm! In my family this was Susan and the one following - #5 - was her little brother John, who she loved and protected and modeled living a good and holy life to. Rose I am sure you will be an eqaully wonderful older and loving sister. Families are a little slice of heaven when we look to Jesus and Trust and are open to LIFE through which our LOVE grows more and more! And most important to raise these children to be LIGHTS for the world. "The world needs LIGHTS." Patrick Verly 35 years ago. Jesus, we trust in YOU. Bless-bless, Barb

Yes, that is the baby that brought LIFE into the world, little Rose. Love Him with all that you have and without counting the cost. That is your grandma's prayer for you, and maybe he will call you to be his spouse just like your Aunt Little Sister Hallel! You look just like she did when she was a baby, and that is such a wonderful gift to this old grandma!

Yes, to be like her you would have to be silly too, but isn't that called making life fun?

Rose looks to be the poster girl for the JOY we are having today... her mommy,Ruth, is going in to have her 20 week ultrasound and for the first time ever... after all 3 older kids voted to find out... she will be finding out if it's a boy or a girl. They always wait to be surprised, but this time will be different! How wonderful and exciting to be able to pray for our new little one by name! Ruth might want to keep that under wraps, but we will see... The kids are here waiting for the news and armed with a present for mom on this special baby day - Baby Ruth candy bars. "How long have there been Baby Ruth candy bars, grandma?" "Since I was a little girl." "So they are really old?" "They have been around a long time, Mary."

The 6 ice cream pails of strawberries we picked yesterday were quickly made into yummy freezer jam! So nice to have all the little helpers along with my oldest daughter, mommy/Ruth!

Rose's first time in the hot stawberry patch - she kept smacking her lips for the yummy big sweet berries.

Lord, there is so much we are thankful for with the family times we have making food and sharing the work together. Those are the best times ever. Now we await the joyful news of who our newest member of the family is! So many prayers have been surrounding this baby from day 1! On the way home from swimming lessons,Simon was talking about a book that he is wanting to look at in Michigan - about Jonah's junk is God's treasure. This turned into a cool pattern of thought about how we are junk,in many ways, but Jesus turns us into treasure. And Simon talked about how some think that they are junk, because they don't know Jesus, but HE loves them and His LOVE makes them treasure. Mary and I wanted to pray for those that don't know Jesus and think that they are "junk." Yes, Lord, we know that you see the Treasure in us - may we build our lives upon the rock - You and your Bride, The Church! We are heading to our cabin in Michigan, which in reality is built upon the sand. We ask for safety and your presence with us as we travel and gather to share Faith/Family/Fun time together. Jesus, we are made beautiful by your LOVE - may we share your Treasure/LOVE with those in our domestic Church/family. Jesus, we trust in YOU. Amen and Halleluia

I wish I looked that cute in those glasses little Rose Ida!

Bless-bless, Barb

55 “Come, all you who are thirsty,

come to the waters;

and you who have no money,

come, buy and eat!

Come, buy wine and milk

without money and without cost." Isaiah 55: 1 What joy to find this in the office yesterday morning with John! Every time I see this verse somewhere it reminds me of the great happiness and HOME I found when my dad read this and the Holy Spirit told him to come into the Church! And to know that yesterday morning we were reading these Spirit filled words with the entire members of the priesthood, Deaconate, sisters, Brothers in monasteries all over the world. That makes is mega powerful and amazing, wouldn't you say?

Ruth just came home from the doctor with...

Blue cupcakes - It's a boy!!!! The pattern continues to work... boy, girl, boy, girl, and boy! Life is a gift!

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Yes, John is around this summer, and not out in a parish as he would prepare to go for his second year in the seminary. I have been sharing in small ways that John discerned that he would not be going back for year 2 at this time, but that he would take some time off and see what he could do in the real world. He has been here at home with dad and I, and applying many places in the area. It seems that he has the firm direction to be here and work. So far he has applied to Church related job as well as farm related at the local elevator. They did not work out. He has many other resumes at most businesses in the area and is constantly on the look out. On the feast day of St John the Baptist on Monday as I was blogging about John's journey - I had the thought that he should try to get into speaking - his passion and gift from God- about his Faith journey! There are many people that make this their life's profession to travel and speak as well as write from their wealth of understanding brought to them by the Most Cherished Cross - for John it would be cancer/healing/seminary/now what Lord?...

When I mentioned this to John - he lit up and immediately was on the phone to speak to all his priest friends in the area. He found great enthusiasm from his cousin and fellow warrior in his battle - Fr Criag Timmerman! A day later he headed down to Canby to attend mass at 6p and then they had supper and visited about how this could be John's call! So many things started to flow from the conversation about how the Lord could be calling John to evangelize the message - The Lord is listening to our needs, He answers our prayers, He heals through His Bride, The Church and The Sacraments! As a side note - yesterday was the 4th anniversary of John being annointed for the first of 4 times in his cancer journey! Very powerful to have a priest friend of our son-in-law, Joseph, come to St Joseph's Hospital cancer floor to annoint John. I recall that he was given the time for confession/reconcilliation as we were asked to leave the room for him to have this opportunity. The sacraments were there for us - with Eucharist daily wherever we found ourselves, and the Prayers were in the thousands and all around us! The word just came that strawberries are to be picked and jam made... so this will be wrapping up quickly!

What JOY to be having the time to pray and share with John for this time! It will take a lot of time and energy and prayer and listening to Christ speak to us through his Word, his priests, the wisdom of John's father... so many ways that we are led to the Truth. So many exciting options for John to go forward to share and serve the HIM - sharing the message of Faith that he was blessed with when he half-heartedly prayed for faith to become real for him - the next week he had brain cancer! Sitting in a small chapel at Mayo - in a wheelchair and unable to walk on his own - surrounded by all of his sisters and parents... John realized that he had prayed for this and the Lord had answered him! The cries of agony that came from him in that tiny room with Jesus on the altar to feed him and bring him to the new John - they piereced my soul and heart just as watching her Son suffer and die and be misunderstood did to Mary the Mother of Heaven and earth! Lord! This is such an amazing path for John and you are probably asking John to find a real job and do this on the side, but could it be that you want him to serve you in your church as a layman with this message of Hope and JOY and Truth? We trust that you are showing him your path and opening doors into the future for him. He is a young man on fire for YOU and your Bride, The Church! We know that You need someone, as John the Baptist before him, out shouting your Truth at the top of their lungs and baptizing those for forgiveness of their sins... just as you did for John on the anniversary of his first annointing 4 years ago! Such a gift of your unconditional LOVE and forgiveness we are given, O Lord! May we come to YOU often and lay all our burdens at your feet, and go soaring up light as a feather with your LOVE! Jesus, thank you for lighting John up on fire and filled with your LIGHT for all to see, and to come to know that You are alive and well in this world! Jesus, we Trust in YOU. Amen and Halleluia

Bless-bless, Barb

"Remain in me, as I remain in you says the Lord; whoever remains in me will bear much fruit." We hold onto this promise, Lord!

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Beautiful Bernadette is better today. I have a feeling that some teeth will be showing up soon, as we don't know why she was running a temp and not sleeping well for 3 nights. Being 7 1/2 months - I just have feeling that it is related to her teeth. There were many special pictures that I did not use so I thought I would add a few of them tonight in celebration of her being her wonderful happy self tonight!

Grandma is so happy that you are feeling your wonderful precious self tonight, little Birdy! Soon grandma can spend time with you in the sugar sand of Lake Michigan! Stay better for our time together there. Jesus, we trust in YOU. Bless-bless, Barb

Sharing the stroller with Rose out in the pasture last week.

Eating her mommy's chin - all is back to normal once again. It is hard when babies are sick - we have all been there. As babies and we don't remember that, and as mom with sick babies and that too becomes a distant or forgotten memory.

That beautiful smile makes them all fade away - those memories of a sick and crabby baby - what her? No way, she's too sweet!

A few weeks ago our last two cows had their calves on the same day - both having bulls. Since they are new moms - they have not been put out on the far pastures yet, but together are close to the house in the pastures around our house, and they stick together with their new calves. It is nice that they have each other, and seem to appreciate the companionship as they are always together. Yesterday, as I headed into town, I looked to see them in the corner in the pasture by the fence laying down together with their calves. All seem to be doing well, and peaceful with this situation of being alone- yet together close to home. There are things going on with mothers now that this is a photo to start sharing about "motherhood." It happens that both Pat's mom and mine are looking at some changes in their health right now. I also am constantly praying for the health and safety of Ruth as she carries her 5th child. I also got a call from daughter #2 about her baby this morning while I was talking to my sister about our mother - so motherhood is very strongly on my mind and heart this morning! It is my passion and only I feel that it is my main and really only worthwhile calling in LIFE!

Today I want to use mother-child pictures and I just have to start with Patrick and Maria - after having the honor to be there for the month to of his birth/death/rebirth/healing. Maria gave me hope when I went to see her by taxi after she came out of surgery - leaving the newly baptized Patrick with the cool cap on his head in the middle of NICU - the sickest baby there! I fell apart when I saw Maria in SICU - "I thought I was watching Patrick die and maybe you too!" "Mom, we both made it!" She told me with almost JOY and wonder in her shaky voice! And from there she proceded with great Trust to believe that her son would be fine. That he would be able to use her milk, which she pumped from day 1, and he did soon and amazed all there! That he would come off all the tubes and come home, which he did in short order. That he would bring his family together to fight for his healing and health, which happened with his dad returning from Afghanistan in just a matter of days after his birth! Then the prayers that surrounded us - just as they had with John 4 years ago. The healing was once again encountered as our prayers were heard! Maria was the model for motherhood and the great example of how a mother can through shere love and determination bring her child from the brink of death to newness of LIFE. How much do you think our Spiritual Mother had to face with her virginal YES to the Holy Spirit- allowing God to come into her womb? She had to face a lot of obstacles in our world to allow this to happen through her and in her.

One more of this beautiful Cross/Lamb - Patrick - who showed us that the Cross can be placed upon your shoulders even before we enter this world!

So many waves of family washing over me as I try to get this written today. Much of it having to do with my mother's health and talking to family members about it. Also a call from Nancy about her little girl's issues of having some mysterious issue keeping her up for the last 3 nights with temps, etc - probably teeth as that is the age she is at! So many reminders of how motherhood is a full time and at times very exhausting job- especially when they are young. Although this being the 4th anniversary of John's cancer journey - I recall very vividly how much I was pulled back into that mother's role of being needed as though I had a tiny helpless child as we prayed and trusted that we were being carried in the Lord's hands and upon his shoulders as the lost sheep!

Nancy with her sweet baby girl!

Lord, motherhood is a fulltime and most important vocation for us! May we look to your Mother, Mary Most Holy, and find her help and model of how we are to say "Yes!" to LIFE and then give without counting the cost. I have my own wonderful and amazing mother there to show me the JOY and happiness that can be found when you are open to LIFE. Yes, the Cross was there, but that is our Most Cherished Cross and through our embracing that we find LIFE eternal! We are blessed with the each new LIFE, whether they are here with us or in heaven, and those lives add more LOVE to our families - it is not stretched more thin. How glorious is the masterpiece of Family/Domestic Church! How we are blessed to share our Faith and your Truth with all those that you have given us to share the journey with! Jesus, we trust in YOU. Amen and Halleluia

Bless-bless, Barb

Get better soon, Bernadette!

"Enter through the narrow gate; for the gate is wide and the road broad that leads to destruction, and those who enter through it are many. How narrow the gate and constricted the road that leads to LIFE. And those that find it are few." Jesus speaking to us in the Gospel today - Matthew 7: 12-14

In the theme of motherhood from one generation to another - here I am working at our "farm" in the allergy season. My mom, who is also an allergy sufferer came up with this to help me as I worked on painting the outside of the windows. It worked well.

John just left on the 4 wheeler to spray weeds in the pastures and fencelines - he is having a battle with his allergies today, and we are out of the meds to help. So... look what we came up with to help him out there in the pollen. Passing on help from one generation of mothers to the next. Beginning with our original Mother of Heaven and Earth. I am sure that she could make a handkerchief to help Jesus in a similar situation then too! Just carrying it a bit too far, but we all know that Mary cared for her son as any mother would!

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This was taken on Easter Sunday in Colman, South Dakota about 12 years ago!

My dad had done the unthinkable - said yes to being a Deacon in Colman, South Dakota just 60 minutes from our door to their door of the rectory... they had promised to help out as parish administrator of a small town chuch and to help out in the other cluster churches. It was my parents first contact with living the farm life other than second hand through a visit here and there to our farm. Now they were immersed in farm life and loved it! I loved the fact that for 3 years I could jump in the car and go and hang out with them for an afternoon here and there! It was amazing! Soon their 3 years were at an end and we all gathered for a huge family celebration of Easter... we filled the social hall with our huge family... I am the oldest of 11 with over 30 grandkids! The wind of the Holy Spirit was howling as our family gathered in front of the church doors for a family photo... it made us smile to have the wind roaring at us with the fury that only the prairie can muster!

How I love the pictures of the kids in Big Shoes! Adorable!

What is it about the kids walking around the house in mom or dad's shoes? I think that it is a form of flattery... they like to see mom of dad in those shoes so it makes them feel like they are looking like their beloved parent of just acting big like them! I remember my 3rd daughter, Maria, was so in love with her daddy... she would crawl around the bedroom and drape his socks around her neck that she had picked up off the floor just as a token of her love for him. I have a group of pictures in the bathroom that are just of that theme... Wearing mom and dad's shoes. I think that it is about as cute as can be... and also a wonderful tribiute to a child's love and appreciation for their parnets. I have now seen my 3 grandchildren that live closeby and spent much time with us also put on mostly grandpa's shoes which are usually over by the door and walk around in them... I think that a lot of that reflects that love and appreciaion that they have for him and his loving sharing ways with them. Now a generation later I have watched now grandpa LOVE each one of those kids so specially by showering them with the time by taking them along outside or allowing them to sit in his lap and share his meal when he comes in late for a meal... The same scene that I saw with our 5 kids and the resulting love and appreciation and respect! Who knew wearing his shoes was a sign of love and devotion?!?

The absolutely amazing letter that Susan/Little Sister Hallel sent to Nancy about marriage...

Nancy was engaged to Bill Bandzuch on April 10, 2010... We are all so happy for her as she has waited long for her Catholic man to come into her life. She had stood by her values and as a result it was especially sweet and special when she joyfully accepted Bill's proposal! We all gathered in Maria and Joe's back yard to help them celebrate that afternoon minus her sister in KC... Little Sister Hallel. We called her and she spoke to each one of us and even her neice and nephews ! A month later Nancy found this letter from her sister in the mailbox. It was mother's day and she called me to read it to me over the phone. I was blown away and at first thought how crazy it was that a young girl,who had answered the call to remain chaste and be a little sister had so much insight into marriage! But when I realized that she is now the "bride of Christ" it now makes all the sense in the world! I would like to once again share this powerful and wise letter here... Nancy, Look I am writing you a letter... aren't you impressed? Well, you better be because both you and I know how often this happens. I am writing to tell you now extremely excited I am about your engagement to Bill. I have to admit, when I got the news I wasn't really shocked but that night as it sunk in during adoration and the next day during mass I was so happy. My heart overflowed with joy for you. How beautiful to know that you have found your... most cherished cross. While I have never had the experience of being married, from what I hear is that he will truly be your cross. But not your cross as human eyes look at it, as a thing to run away from, as a thing of torture but rather as that which is truly the tree of life. It is only when clinging to the cross that one can truly live, it is the source of all life and of all love. Your marriage to Bill will be this, not something to run away from when it gets hard and when it hurts, but something to hold tight to, especially when it hurts because it is in this that you will find life and love. Know that it is through your marriage that Jesus wants to show you his great love for you and also that the best example that you can give to the world of Christ's love is a marriage lived in truth. So, in other words, know that I am so happy for you and that I love you a whole lot. Know that you are in my prayers during this crazy time of wedding planning; that you may not go crazy but rather learn to love each other better and that you may both have great joy and great peace. Remember to pray for me too! God Bless, Your little Sister Hallel

My sister Mary and I in the barn in our barn clothes when she was here to help us... 1982

I was not pregnant in this picture so it must have been after Nancy was born... Mary was soon to leave us sadly... she had fallen in love with the farm and did a few years later meet her dairy farmer - they married and had a daughter before she died of lymphoma at the age of 28... Some things in life are a mystery.. someday we will understand.

Our daughters, Nancy and Little Sister Hallel/Susan, with John in Lourdes, France.

Little Sister Hallel had just taken the habit of the community of the Lamb and changed her name a few days before this taken in August of 2009... John, Nancy and I had gone to help her celebrate this huge step in her life! John had just been diagnosed with brain cancer and had just completed his second chemo and was better, so within 24 hours we decided that we would fly to France! We visited Lourdes and all bathed in the healing waters which miraculously flow from the spring where St Bernedett was told to dig in the mud! John said that the day was "very good" , and for him that is saying a lot! This past winter Pat and I were in a study group of a book written by Matthew Kelly called Rediscovering Catholicism... this paragraph on p48 is amazing and so wonderfully defends the choice of religious life but also the joys and beauty of this life! I quote: "In every age, there is a small number of men and women who are prepared to turn their backs on popular culture and personal gain to embrace heroically the life Jesus outlines in the Gospels. These people fashion Catholicism into a lifestyle, they listen attentively to the voice of God in their lives, and they passionately pursue their personal adventure of salvation. As a result, they capture the attention and fascinate the imaginations of everyone who crosses their path. Paradoxically, the modern world pities these people because it believes they are missing out on something. Never feel sorry for them. These men and women are the happiest people who ever lived. They are the saints. If the Church is to thrive in this modern era, it depends on men and women like these."

Sitting on the front porch of our home in Minneapolis - me and my friend Marge a few years after..

This was taken a few years after we met while attending welcome week at the U of M in 1970! I did not know at the time that Margie would be responsible for the rest of my life - my meeting and a year later marrying her brother, Pat... I have written many cards to her over the years telling her in every way possible that because of her I have my life. We will celebrate our 32 anniversary this summer, so she has been in my life more than not! Thank you Margie Rose/Raterra Rashana for being such a loyal and true friend... there is no doubt that you were put in my life by our loving forgiving Lord ! Your life growing up on the farm in Southwest Mn is now my life and our children's lives are blessed as a result! How I rejoice at the Lord's fingerprint on my life! Jesus I trust in You! Please bless my dear friend now and forever. Amen and Halleluia!

My sister Mary at the baptism of my daughter, Nancy Anna.. She is Godmother and my dad is baptizing

In 1982 my sister, Mary, came to help me while I was on bedrest with my second daughter... I had high blood pressure and was on bedrest, so Mary came to help me around the house with my 2 year old Ruth and help Pat milk the cows. She was a city girl like me, but fell in love with the farm and we loved having her with us! After Nancy was born on April 2 we asked Mary to be her Godmother. We realized after I was on my feet that she needed to move on, so tearfully she went up to live with my folks in TF. She eventually became a doctor's office nurse and on a blind date met her farmer, Gerry.... he was a dairy farmer in Wisconsin. They married and had a daughrer, Audrey.... When Audrey was 20 mo Mary died of Lymphoma... Gerry is now married to Cathy, who had 5 kids and her husband drowned in the river up there...

Snapping beans with the 5 klids as we are in Taylors Falls visiting my parents in the summer of 92

I was in the thick of bean harvest in my garden when I took my kids to spend some days in the summer with my parents... probably late July of 92... WE picked them and brought them along to snap at my parent's house. We have such wonderful memories of our days spent in Taylors Falls at their remodeled cape cod house up on Angel Hill. Now after 14 years of liiving on Lake Michigan in Manistique in the upper penninsula... my parents have bought a home on the St Croix River in St Croix Falls, Wi which is right across the river from Taylors... I am thrilled that now my parents will be close enough for me to go and see them for the day or for a few days much more often! I loved to go to the big lake, but so missed my parents being closer so that I could spend time with them! Thnak you Lord for this move and may they continue to be a wonderful presence in my life for years to come!

The wedding shower that the friends from church and daily mass put on for Pat and I in my mom's

My friend Marilyn just had given Pat and I wonderful rosaries for a gift... we were both very touched and how much better does it get? To have a Catholic Shower! It was wonderful and the rosary has been huge in our marriage too!

Pat's mom took this picture after milking the cows one morning shortly after we were married.

Typical old camera quality - this was after we were done milking the cows with the baby calves... with dairy calves...they are taken off of their mothers at birth so that you and I can drink the milk...they start out on a big bottle and then graduate to pails of milk. That was one of my jobs out there as well as giving each cow some protein to eat while Pat was moving down the line milking them. I also would help undo the headgate when he was done so that they could go out of the barn. Pat of the time I would sit on an upside down pail and watch him milk the cows and sometimes we would visit. I married a farmer and I found these times special to the point that when Ruth was born - I would bring her over and put her strapped in her infant seat close to the heater in the milk house... she was born Jan 4, 1980... Soon my in laws told me to bring her in the house and put her in the bed with them while I helped Pat... Ruthie got to know her grandparents really well and has early memories of waking up and seeing a certain light fixture over their bed and the warm feelings that go with snuggling with her loving grandparents morning after morning! They even took a movie of her first steps dressed in different outfits day after day that we have never seen! Got to do that someday! The early years were special for many!

Pat comes to visit me in the Cities as things slow down a bit on the farm - cross country skiing...

This picture was taken by my younger sister, Mary... she is now gone for 24 years due to cancer at the age of 28! Pat had come to visit me and we decided for him to wear one of my brother's boots and try cross country skiing for the first time! The boots were too small, but when Pat Verly is motivated to do something... nothing will prevent him! Boy, have I learned that to be a huge part of him after almost 32 years of marriage! He also likes to be rough and tumble and caused this fall to get some bodily contact and to tussle with me! Thank goodness for soft snow to fall in! The dating years were long distance and due to the demands of the farm - we dated maybe once every few weeks when he could certainly not every night or even once a week... at the busy times of the year it was even less, but Pat was very good about calling me on the phone and having long conversations about our lives... he gave me many lessons on the farm life in the middle of the nigh... when he would wake me up after he got in from work! I knew that when that phone would ring that it was my farmer! The thing about farming... similar to the Catholic Church... you never learn it all...there is always more to learn and my Patrick is very intelligent and very interested in it all!

I like to call this picture taken at our first Christmas....married 4 months....THE LOOK OF LOVE!

My mother probably took this picture of Pat and I at our first Christmas at their home in Mpls in 1978... I love it! To capture Pat looking at me with so much love and attention gives me warm feelings and delight! I need to remember this sometimes when I am feeling down about myself and if Pat is disappointed in me that hurts about as badly as anything can... Deep down we love each other no matter the obstacles!

Her name Hallel means Joy- Halleluia.... she reflects that inner joy when she is singing...

Little Sister Hallel has shared that when others say her name they are praising God with the highest of praise and Joy! There are many Hallel psalms including the last 5 psalms - 145 thru 150 and the grand Hallels are in the center of the psalms. the word means tall in French also and Hallel being much taller than most...this is humorous to the community! As a mother I am happy for her choice to be with the community of the lamb to see her happiness and joy... her face lights up in a way that cannot be anything but genuine happiness!

Finally I leave the nest!

I loved being with my family so much that finally after I had become an nurse - 4 years of college and lived at home... got a job at Hennipen County Medical center on the Neurolgoy station... and just went along day to day at home with my family including 10 yonger siblings... One day my mom asked me if I had ever thought of getting my own place... Oh, I tought... that is maybe something I should think about. I then rented a third floor of a house just a block from my parents' home. It was great! Close to my beloved family...yet my own place!

John with Bertha at the State Fair a few years back

Bertha took reserve champion with her calf in the cow-calf division a couple times for John at the State Fair... You can always count on Bertha! 4 H was a wonderful thing for our kids... It was the one time that they learned about livestock on a day to day basis with their dad. They also learned a lot of life skills including how to present themselves in front of people... this has developed into John's future wishes for a life profession... Ag and presenting himself to large groups of people however that all comes together... Lord hear our prayer for a long and bright future for John with you always number one in his life!

Quiet days of growth and reflection on "the farm"

Filled with love and excitement and joy as I studied Catholicism in the quiet of Wisconsin farm country... I expressed it with photoraphy, sketching, caligraphy, reading and marveling at the depth of the Church and all that I will be learning for the rest of my life! I will never come to the end of the learning and growing with OUr Lord and His Mother and all the saints at my side!

Two 5 month losses - both boys born after John - buried at the cemetary

William and John would have been very close in age - about 14 months... I went in for my 5 month check up and the heartbeat couldn't be found... an ultrasound revealed that he had died... I had some scary miscahrriages, so the thought of carrying him til I "lost" him was terrifying to me. I went through a 5 month abortion procedure to deliver my son. I had a postagladin suppository inserted and went through a horrible experience with pain and chills to deliver our tiny son,William. I held him wrapped in a blanket, and Pat and I shed tears at what could have been. It was winter and the ground was frozen...we took him home in a small box and put it in the freezer.. So hard to open it and face him and have the memories and tears come flooding me again. About two years later the same thing unexplainably happened... We lost Robert the same time and way... "It looks like his cord is fatally kinked." It was earth shattering to face another loss of a son and brother for John here on this earth... WE know that we have these children to be united with someday! These and the other 4 lost along the jounrney of our "nest". I feel that they were both the best and the worst years of my life! How I prayed that the Lord would give me one more child after John so that the world would see visible truth that "no, we were't just trying for our boy and that is why we ended up with 5 children! We were open to family!" Yet I am flooded with peace and even joy to know that all our children are with us whether here on earth and in heaven! I have named each of my children in heaven... Christopher lost between Ruth and Nancy, Thomas lost when my sister Mary died of Lymphoma in 1986, Joseph lost before John, William and Robert lost at 5 mo after John, and Mary lost at 3 1/2 mo in 1994. The prayer for them of their mother is a powerful experience for me as I remember them daily and many times feel that they are up there keeping me on the straight and narrow as much as possible. All I know is that I must need a lot of help to have that small spiritual army in heaven....

Journey towards trust

Heading to Sioux Falls two days after Father's day - John had an abnomal MRI - what can it be? Daisys from the ditch, Mary from the give away box at church represents her comforting us at this scarey time... the family pic taken the weekend before in St Paul... pasted in Susan as she was in France - yet we were united in spirit and soon Susan came to be with the family as we discovered that he had a "tumor" in his brain! Jesus we trust inYou!

John and his 4 sisters.... When asked the family he wants someday... "I want 4 girls and a boy!'

John surrounded by his loving older sisters... all 4 of them. "Mom, why don't I have any brothers?" Yet, he admits that he was very spoiled by his sisters! He considers them a blessing and now has brothers... two brother in laws... Paul and Joe... and fraternity brothers at Farmhouse Fraternity at the U of M! Now brothers and sisters are everywhere... and such an amazing support for John on the journey called cancer/healing.

"Eating their chin" out of love - Child for it's mother

Top Ruth being kissed by her daughter, Mary.... Jesus loved his Mother sooooooooo much!

Mary's perspective....

How can we ever suffer as much with our Lord as His Mother did?.... the "sword the pierced her heart"... so that she may support us and hold us close in those times of suffering in our lives... As a mother holds her young and gives it the unconditional nurturing love only a mother gives with all her heart and soul, with no thought to herself....

The five in 1991

Maria's first communion party... the 5 in a row... Ruth, Nancy,Maria, Susan and John

Thankful and prayerful for healing - John is cancer free!

Tuesday at Benediction - John basks in the forgiving loving presence of His Lord... the healing loving Great Physician! Jesus we trust in You! Feb 2010

All my children together in the more simple days!

A watercolor I did after I got an idea from a greeting card showing a mother on the hill with 3 girls and a cow.. made it my own by adding another daughter, a son and my own building site behind us.... someone asked later where Pat, my husband was so I added him on a horse going off to work the farm... Also added my 6 losses in the "cemetary"... it was nice to include all my children in this way.

A therapy painting after 5 losses

A watercolor I did with the 5 "boys" that I lost from 3mo pregnant to 5mo.. I wanted them all to be in some way touching me and that we would be together on a bench in heaven... later added a photo to represent the 6th loss

The five that we are blessed to have with us here... Six losses with us in Heaven - Family of 11!

Ruth, Nancy, Maria, Susan - Little Sister Hallel, and John

Our 9 precious grandchildren, with another one on the way

I got a call today from daughter number 3 that I needed to update my grandchildren picture - the number had doubled since... So here are the 9 together with Hallel when she visited in April. Ruth has 4 with another on the way - Simon age 8, Mary age 7, David soon to be 5, and Rose 13 months. Nancy has Augustine 2, and Bernadette 7 months. Maria has 3 children... Therese 5, David 3, and Patrick 8 months! So this is almost a complete picture except for Maria's two losses due to miscarriage, who are in heaven. We love all life we have been blessed with here and in heaven, and pray for each daily. Guardian Angels watch out for them. Jesus, we Trust in YOU.

New life on the farm

Calving begins in the Feb cold weather... first calf for this mother cow - we call it a first calf heifer

About Me

I am first and foremost a wife and mother. My husband,Pat, is a farmer in SW Minnesota... he is large on the crops and he also has over 100 cows that he calves out. I am a nurse, but was able to take 14 years off to raise my 5 children. I then returned to a hospice nurse position after my son, John, started school. I only work part time and keep busy with my family, a big garden with canning, yard work, involvement with my faith at the Catholic Church, and now grandkids living close by. I had the joy of watching my 3 grandkids while our oldest daughter worked half time as a nurse at the hospital in town. This past summer our lives were rocked when we discovered that our youngest, John, age 20 had a very rare form of brain cancer. Since Father's day... I have become his nurse and between his father and I... we have been with him for many different treatments in Rochester... the cancer is now in remission and we are hopeful to pick up life from here with all of us healthy and looking forward to many years ahead!

An interesting fact about the cows and calves in the pastures... Cow trails...

These two pairs are demostrating how they all walk in the same path or trail...If you look on the other side of the hill above them you can see a cow trail that they use on that side of the pasture. When you go out and walk in the pasture... you will see these paths that are very much used to the point that they are deep and there is no grass growing in them just like a well used people trail gets to be. On a very steep hill there can be teraces of many cow trails along the side where they will go single file like these two moms with their calves following along behind... I did see some of the calves get tired of the slow pace and run ahead, but it is obvious, when you see the trails,that the cows use them for the most part to get from one place in the pasture to another. How my husband loves to see them out there in the lush grass getting fat off of the grass that grows where no crops can due to the up and down land or the creeks that run through them and are also important for the cows and calves to get the water they need just like every living creature! My husband's idea of a romantic evening is to go out on the 4 wheeler or the pickup to look at the cows and calves in the 6 different pastures that we have! The kids have fond memories of going out to look at the cows in the back of the pickup - great vacation/family time!

It doesn't get much cuter than this - Ruth Ida Rose with a forever remembered baby kitty...

Ruth used this on her graduation card - so Ruthie as she was forvere an animal lover. She has a calmness about her that just makes animals comfortable. A few days ago she was out helping her dad and brother and I watched her kids... they both agreed that Ruth is good help out there with the cows and on top of it.. .. she enjoys her time out there... I think that I will watch the kids and Ruth can be out there from now on!

The Net team stops by as they come to the end of their year of serving Catholic Youth!

Our nephew, Sam Cross, has taken a year out of his life to work on the National Evagelical Team - they are Catholic Youth in their late teens and early 20s that travel the country in a van giving retreats to youth everywhere! Their homebase in St Paul, but they have traveled from coast to coast this last year and they themselves are from many places in the country and even a girl from Netherlands! In the picture Sam is standing all the way to the left by John. He lived with us a summer and learned about the farm and was in 4 H and FFA here. He showed cattle and pigs at the county fair and then went up to the State Fair with his projects and then worked in the Miracle of Birth barn for a couple of summers. Sam is a special nephew! He also has done many TEC retreats after he said yes to our request that he make a retreat and absolutely fell in love with TEC! Now he has taken it a step further in serving on this traveling retreat team with his guitar and wonderful joyful spirit... touching many youth along with the 10 youth that are on the team with him. Just before this picture was taken... Sam had given them rides back and forth on the loader to "see" the cows and farm scenes... Sitting to the far right of the tractor in the loader bucket is a girl from Minnesota named, Sarah. We struck up a conversation in the kitchen while I was cleaning up after the meal that we had shared... She started the conversation by asking me if I had always lived in Mn... I thought that I would wow her by starting off by saying; "No, actually I was born in Boston, Mass!" Her reply; "So was I!" That was a start of the most amazing give and take between us! We share so much in common and mostly I thought that she was probably me about 40 years ago when I was a new Catholic and so in love with EVERYTHING about the Catholic Church! She shared that her family of 4 girls and one boy and both of her parents converted from Episcopal to Catholic and why would you belong anywhere but the True Church!? ! Wow! I was blown away to meet someone on this long journey I have been on that is at the same place I was at that age! All of these youth are so amazing and I hope and pray and am really confident that they have touched deeply and positively many youth on their trek across the country! I asked the girl from Netherlands about the Catholic Church in her country... I have heard that it barely exists any more and she agreed that only the old attend church and otherwise those that are Catholic like her go with their families at EAster and Christmas... her friend told her that she would do the NET as she had done ahead of her and now a young person is returning to this country without God... filled with love and knowledge of her Church - Jesus and His Mother - It was a wonderful hour and a half and gave me so much hope for the Church and how the grassroots are strong and spreading our faith far and wide! Thank you Lord for all the work that is taking place in your church and please continue to use me and all those that are listening to and answering your call! Amen and Halleluia!

John the actor and his love of the stage and being in front of people - It was a fun ride!

This was John doing the "She thinks my tractor is attractive" skit for Arts In at the county fair in 4H a few years back... It is just so fun to see him in his element and it always amazed us to see how relaxed he was up there. Not like any of the rest of us! Now he hopes to take that love of the stage and put it along with his Ag background into some type of a job for his future... It will certainly be interesting to follow along and now with a year overcoming brain cancer and all that has meant for him... it has certainly taken him to a deeper and more compassionate place... We all await what the future will bring... Thank you John for all the FUN we have had following you as you share the joy with us on stage! It has been a fun ride! Jesus we know that you are in control of John's life and have a wonderful plan just for him! Jesus we trust in You!

Oh happy day! Another fun time with John...

First with a talent show at the Catholic School doing...Oh happy day from Sister Act and then again for 4 H share the fun... Finally with chior robes that we found at the Thrift store and with his sister, Maria, and cousins, Sam and Phil Cross... we enjoy the fun at Christmas camp. John even put it on for Easter when we went to visit Maria in the monastery. We shared a meal through the enclosure and John did the entertainment for all of us by putting on a chior robe and lip sincing.... Oh happy day for all of us... it was great entertainment that was good over and over!

He who follows me will not walk in darkness but will have the light of life. Jn 8:12

I came across this inside of a long letter that our daughter, Maria, had written daily to share her experience with us as she went from a Poor Clare Monastery in Sauk Rapids, Mn to one close to Washington DC... It was so hard to think that she could go so far away to a cloistered monastery... where we would have to go and see her there and never get a hug as she would be in the "enclosure". It was to the point of her entering and the mother superior asked her to write a letter saying that this was the right thing for her to do... she couldn't write it and was back home! We were shocked and amazed! After saying goodbye to her life... she returned and embraced it! I will never forget her out helping put the cows and calves out to pasture and saying how wonderful it was to be out there... Now that was a miracle! So often on this journey we have been weak, depressed, scared and lost... The image of Jesus picking up the weak lost lamb is so often coming to me... This is wonderful to be able to share here with all of you that are upholding us in prayer!

A miracle! We make it to France in the midst of John's brain cancer and after a brain biopsy!

One of my favorite pictures from France...Susan helping John walk through the rain down a path at Saint-Pierre. They have always had a close relationship... Susan was 3 1/2 years older than John... I lost two pregnancies between them and it was never kept from the kids... we all grieved together at the losses. Susan was thrilled with her little brother from day one. She was constantly caring for him and watching out for him. We have a family story that Susan saved John's life... I will save that for a later date to share. John discovered in France that he could walk at a normal speed leaving his walker behind and having someone under his weak side. I think that he enjoyed the closeness also. We were in France and it was totally due to prayer!

The way of the cross - Cancer strikes our 20 year old son!

John at Lourdes with his two sisters... LS Hallel in the habit she had just received as a new member of the community of the Lamb and Nancy. From the back as they support their brother it looks like he is on the cross. After the news about two months earlier that he had brain cancer and then the ataxia on his left side as a result of the biopsy they had to do to diagnose it... It certainly a cross like no other we could have ever imagined! Beyond our wildest nightmares! Just the day before we left for France he was able to get to the bathroom by himself for the first time! We could go to France to see his sister join the community, and go to Lourdes and bath in the miraculous and healing waters under the watchful care of our most Blessed Virgin Mother of God... Mary Most Holy! John truly turned from a heavy heart to one of hope at this point in the journey.

Little Sister Hallel here for Thanksgiving and spent a week with John.

A group shot over at Ruth and Paul's place... Little Sister Hallel - Susan here for a week. Took John back and forth to radiation, and we then had a family Thanksgiving up in the Cities with her other two sisters that live in ST Paul... Getting ready to head back to Kansas City. That is where she is living for the next year in the only community here in the US... Community of the Lamb... pictured are from left to right... Paul Lanoue, Ruth Lanoue, Little Sister Hallel, her dad Pat and John Verly. In front Mary with her kitty Purrrrrrs.

The two Davids...

Great Grandma with both Davids after Sunday mass in her sunroom- Feb 21,2010

Our prayers rise like incense before you, Our Lord and Our God!

Benediction on Tuesday night.... Giving our Lord honor and praise and worship! We are in awe of you coming to us in the humble form of bread... as it is transformed into your Body... food that gives us the strength to follow your example and embrace the cross in our lives! Jesus we trust in You! We honor and adore you now and forever! Amen