Thursday, February 25, 2010

" "You just do it," he says. "There's not much time for self-absorption. It's great, because it's primal and sort of feels like the reason you're on earth. It's a deep part of life. But on the other hand, it's not that deep. It just happens. It's biology. And I assumed being a parent would be pretty hard, because I'm a pretty selfish person. It's hard for me to sacrifice anything or to take care of other people's needs. Our society is meant to work—or, say, capitalism is supposed to work—when everyone takes a little bit of what they want and gives something else back. But with a kid, it's not like that. There is no give-and-take. In theory, I suppose the idea is that you want to give yourself completely to your child, and then you'll get something back from that experience." He waits a beat and stares at nothing in particular, almost as if he's preparing to say something that will blow me away forever. Instead, I get this: "But that does not seem true when you want to sleep more." Which, I suppose, is about as honest as it gets. "

Police reports from Vancouver indicate they have found a body that they believe to be actor Andrew Koenig. In case you’re just joining us, the last several posts here have been about Koenig’s absence, which began on February 18, when he failed to board his flight home, and continued until today. His absence became a news story in recent days, as social media sites like Twitter and Facebook began to swell with friends and family asking strangers in the Vancouver area to try to help find him. The troubled actor played a secondary role on the sitcom “Growing Pains”, and was the son of a member of the cast of the original “Star Trek” television show. He became known to me through his brother in law, Jimmy Pardo, who started the podcast “Never Not Funny”. Koenig produced the video of the podcast, occasionally becoming involved in the show’s banter, and also ran the humor site “MonkeyGoLucky.com”, as well as some other projects.

This is, of course, news that is unspeakably awful for Andrew’s family and friends, who are going through psychic pain of the most unbelievable sort. My deepest sympathy goes out to them at this horrible time. God bless the Pardos, and the Koenigs, and the Francises, and everyone who knew and loved Andrew. Hopefully they will find ways to cope in the weeks and months and years to come.

I didn’t know Koenig. I don’t know anyone who knew Koenig. And yet at the same time, I feel like I’ve been punched in the gut.

If I’ve offered one piece of advice more than any other, it might be the following: you can’t decide in advance what your feelings are going to be. They are neither inappropriate nor invalid nor incorrect. They simply are. All you can do is react to them and cope with them as they are.

I’m going to try to follow my own advice. And probably not succeed.

I’m angry. Not at Koenig, necessarily. Not entirely. He was ill, and not responsible for his actions. Suicide is a reckless, selfish act, but I can’t say truthfully that I can’t see the logic in it. I guess I’m angry at a universe that allows things like this to occur. I’m angry that this happened, and I’m angry that this happens. I’m angry at life, and at God. It is senseless, and cruel, and I hate it.

As Les Miserables taught us-

“There’s a grief that can’t be spoken-
There’s a pain goes on and on-
Empty chairs at empty tables-
Where my friends are dead and gone…
Oh my friends, my friends forgive me-
That I live and you are gone-
There’s a grief that can’t be spoken-
There’s a pain goes on and on.”

The search for AK-47, actor Andrew Koenig, continues. I have noticed a disturbing trend in the phrasing of Web results relating to Koenig's name. Certain sites have begun to title their posts "Andrew Koenig Found", only to continue in the body of the post that he has not been. This seems unusually cruel at such a hard time for his friends and family.

The police, as far as I can tell, continue to insist that they think Koenig is OK. I can't help but reflect on the fact that they would say that, of course, regardless. They also say that the longer someone is missing, the less hope there generally is.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

The search for actor/raconteur/gadfly Andrew Koenig, our friend AK47, continues onwards. According to news reports, the police believe Koenig is alive and laying low. I fervently hope and pray and wish, along with "Never Not Funny" fans and humans in general everywhere, that this is the case.

Andrew, if you're reading this, you obviously know from my sidebar that I only just barely speak for myself. But that being said, I don't think I'm wrong when I say that, if you need to get away from it all, to sit in a cabin and think and write or do whatever, I don't think anyone would begrudge you that. All of us have that urge from time to time-to just chuck it and go.

My own late father used to say that-"I'm going to run away." That went from terrifying to amusing to annoying as I got older. Now that he's gone, and I am a worker and a father and a husband, I now understand in a way I never could before what he meant. It's All Too Much, as George Harrison taught us.

I don't know Andrew. I never met him, nor anyone who knows him, aside from shaking his brother in law's hand once after he performed in Philadelphia. I probably never will meet him, or Matt, or Pat Francis. Never get to buy them a beer, or a Diet Monster energy drink, or a hot sandwich.

But in this weird, boundary breaking world we live in now, I feel like I do. They talk to me once a week, provoking hideously inappropriate gales of laughter as I finish my paperwork after a long Thursday at work. I've heard them tell stories, and pun viciously, and sing off key, and do all sorts of silly things. So it feels like I know them, even though I know I really don't.

So Andrew, for what it's worth, myself, and my wife, and literally thousands of others who never met you but wish we could, want to know that you're ok. If you don't want to come back, I am sure everyone will understand. But please, just get in touch-let someone know you're alright. Twitter, Facebook, here, email, phone, text-whatever. You are valued. You are missed. You are loved.

Monday, February 22, 2010

Actor/director Andrew Koenig, formerly of TV's "Growing Pains", son of Star Trek's Walter Koenig and brother in law of comedian Jimmy Pardo, is missing. He hasn't been heard from since Valentine's Day, and his family is worried.

From www.walterkoenigsite.com:

"Andrew Koenig, the son of Star Trek actor Walter Koenig, is missing. The last time Andrew Koenig was seen was on Valentine's Day, February 14, 2010, in Vancouver, British Columbia. Andrew Koenig never boarded his flight back to the US, and he hasn't heard from since then.

He was last seen at a bakery in the Stanley Park area of Vancouver.

Andrew Koenig, 41, was working as the video producer on the show "Never Not Funny" as well as doing improv in Los Angeles. Best known as "Boner" from "Growing Pains", Andrew also had a role in "Deep Space Nine", and is a talented actor director, editor and photographer as well as a passionate activist. In 2008, he was arrested at the Rose Bowl while protesting China's part in the genocide in the country of Burma.

This is a serious matter that has Koenig's friends and family gravely concerned. If you have seen him, emailed him or had any contact after the 14th or spent time with him during his stay in Vancouver please call Detective Raymond Payette of the Vancouver PD at 604-717-2534.

Please share this and send prayers and positive thoughts. If you wish to leave Walter a note, visit his site at: www.walterkoenigsite.com"

I don't know Andrew, but am a passionate fan of "Never Not Funny". Andrew, if you're out there, call somebody. And residents of Canadia, if you have seen a rakishly handsome man with gorgeous hair answering to the name "Andrew", please let someone know.