Monday, March 19, 2007

Dependency

"Dependency" by Valery Milovic @ http://www.fluxfire.com/ I absolutely love her work. It speaks volumes about how I feel. Go check it out. I've been noticing more and more the gap between what I think and how I feel. I THINK that my life is great and I'm better off than I've ever been. I'm healthier, safer, more financially secure, more in control of myself and my life. Unfortunately I FEEL terrible. I mistakenly gave my heart, my life and my love to a very poor custodian thereof. I got them back when she no longer wanted them, but now they're all broken. I don't know how to fix them. I'm sad and I'm scared that everyone is going to get tired of my whining and leave me even more alone than I already feel. NEW TOPIC: Someone I love very much is also very sad; so sad they carved their arm up bad enough to have to go to the doctor. They made me promise not to tell anyone so I'm not naming any names but I have a message for them. That message is I LOVE YOU. Please don't hurt yourself anymore. I don't want you to die. OK? Please? Call me instead. Thanks. 155/21

7 comments:

I"m sorry about your broken heart hun. It's a bitch to get over. My last one took a year and half. It's pretty bad when you have to start getting over them when you're still with them. And the one before that took 4 years. Sometimes it takes a while. Be sure to learn what makes you happy in the meantime. Mwuah! :)

you know, even though it's a 'new topic' i think the friend you mention and your care for that person...i think that sort of thing can be a help in how you feel as well. this is not an admonishment or me saying, 'hey i am tired of your whining.' nope not at all, it's a gentle exhortation....get out of your own head for a while and put a smile on the face of someone who needs it, warm a heart, give a bit of encouragement. give it a try, a little each day. you've cut out some bad habits in life, things that controled you, you've created a vacuum. replace those behaviors with better ones, fill up the vacuum with something worthwhile.

i hope that doesn't sound trite or overly simplistic. i don't mean it that way. i know it ain't easy for you. just some thoughts i hope are maybe helpful in some way.