81

57

86.3

92.9

92.2

.638

.657

99.8%

0.1%

99.9%

0.2%

0.6%

Bruce Rondon threw seven pitches to David Ortiz. Five of them were 100 mph or higher, four were 102 mph or higher, and one of them hit 103 mph. Fortunately Ortiz struck out because had he hit one of those pitches his bat would’ve disintegrated.

2

82

57

83.6

83.0

82.2

.595

.614

92.7%

6.1%

98.9%

-0.4%

3.5%

The Red Sox were shut out by Detroit, blemishing their previously perfect record when they wear their alternate home beards.

3

84

53

83.8

84.0

81.0

.607

.588

100.0%

0.0%

100.0%

0.0%

0.0%

The highest OPS B.J. Upton has had at any point this season is .602 on August 2nd.

4

77

61

79.8

80.6

80.7

.576

.556

14.8%

83.4%

98.2%

2.6%

3.5%

Mat Latos threw nine innings, striking out two batters and walking one. Afterward, he said “I’m celebrating with my main dame and a bucket of hooch down at the swing parlor!” The he added, “I’ll see you behind bars, see?” before flicking his Cuban. (the pitching line is from the 1930s!)

5

75

61

72.1

79.1

79.5

.562

.581

5.4%

64.9%

70.4%

-6.9%

-17.5%

Sam Fuld now has the best ERA in baseball.

6

80

57

75.7

77.1

78.0

.567

.548

44.2%

55.7%

99.9%

0.3%

0.9%

“THE PIRATES ARE IN FIRST PLACE! WHAT? NO NO! IN ACTUAL BASEBALL!”

7

79

58

82.9

78.1

77.7

.580

.560

41.0%

58.7%

99.8%

0.1%

0.3%

Adam Wainwrong, amiwainrite???

8

82

55

76.7

79.4

77.2

.575

.556

100.0%

0.0%

100.0%

0.1%

0.2%

“In a year that has been so probable, the possible has happened!” - 2013 Vin Scully

9

79

58

77.7

77.1

76.0

.565

.585

49.0%

46.3%

95.3%

-1.1%

2.0%

Adrian Beltre put up a .759 OPS during his five years in Seattle. In the four years since leaving Seattle he has a .913 OPS.

10

79

58

77.1

76.2

74.7

.560

.580

51.0%

46.2%

97.2%

1.9%

31.2%

The A's took the lead on a Coco Crisp homer off the foul pole. Said Brett Anderson, "It's exciting. He's the table-setter. He eats the food, too." I didn’t make that up, Anderson actually said that.

11

72

65

71.2

69.9

71.7

.520

.540

0.1%

11.4%

11.6%

-3.0%

-22.1%

This is your daily reminder that Jason Giambi is starting in September for a team with playoff aspirations. Plan your life accordingly.

12

73

63

72.4

69.3

70.5

.524

.544

1.4%

13.6%

15.0%

5.3%

-3.3%

Matt Wieters just hit his 20th homer, which is a nice way to ignore his .288 on-base percentage.

13

64

72

66.5

68.7

67.7

.491

.511

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

Angels announcers had finished extolling Peter Bourjos for playing the game right and being gritty when Bourjous swung and missed at a pitch by about, I'm not kidding, 700 feet.

14

69

67

68.7

67.2

67.3

.500

.480

0.0%

0.9%

0.9%

-1.3%

-4.1%

Brandon McCarthy became just the second pitcher to throw a complete game while only striking out two hitters yesterday.

15

69

68

66.5

67.6

66.9

.493

.473

0.0%

1.2%

1.2%

-1.7%

-0.8%

Reports say Jayson Werth's beard has become disinterested with baseball and will move to a small cabin in the Montana wilderness where it will commune with bears and eat them.

16

71

66

73.5

66.0

66.7

.506

.526

0.1%

0.7%

0.8%

0.0%

0.3%

The Royals are like the kid in grade school who after getting mercilessly teased for a few years, talks his mom into getting him a Teenaged Mutant Ninja Turtles lunchbox only to discover nobody watches that show anymore.

17

58

79

62.8

65.7

65.8

.460

.440

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

After Junior Lake's name in the box score are the initials "LF" which, I have been assured, stand for "Lake Field."

18

59

78

61.0

64.2

65.7

.456

.436

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

Have the Brewers signed Jeff Francoeur yet? May as well get it over with now.

19

65

74

67.9

67.7

64.6

.477

.457

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

The Rockies lost to the Dodgers which at this point is contractually required.

20

61

76

59.1

63.5

64.4

.453

.433

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

The 49ers are excited to open against the... we what? The Giants? Still??? [walks off set]

21

63

75

63.6

61.6

63.6

.456

.476

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

Jose Bautista wasn't in the lineup because Jose Bautista doesn't believe in lineups. Because, when you really think about it, we're all up to bat all the time.

22

73

64

68.8

62.3

63.5

.488

.508

0.5%

10.5%

11.0%

4.0%

5.2%

The Yankees have the worst OPS from the DH position in the American League. Jason Giambi’s .657 OPS would be almost a 70-point improvement.

23

62

74

64.3

62.4

61.9

.461

.441

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

[looks for six hours] Hey! Everyone! The Mets are tied for sixth in triples! [passes out]

24

60

76

58.6

60.7

61.1

.442

.462

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

I searched and I found a category in which the Twins are the best in baseball: Pinch-runner OPS!

25

62

75

57.4

61.3

60.7

.441

.460

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

Soon they’ll find a position Dustin Ackley can play, and whichever one it is will probably end in “-bench.”

26

61

76

58.5

59.5

59.9

.436

.416

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

The Padres have a .802 OPS on Tuesdays but a .602 OPS on Mondays. Garfield joke!

27

56

80

59.2

59.3

58.8

.429

.449

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

I checked and the 14 National League teams who have outscored the Chicago White Sox this season didn’t get to use the DH.

28

63

75

56.4

55.5

57.5

.421

.402

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

Jonathan Papelbon didn’t sign with the Phillies to close out meaningless games in early September for a losing team. Except, yeah, that’s exactly what he did.

29

51

85

54.2

49.7

50.5

.378

.359

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

The Marlins have to win 12 of their remaining 26 games to avoid a 100 loss season and a full-on soul-crushing look at the cardboard cutout of Jeffrey Loria in his birthday suit.

30

45

92

49.0

44.1

46.3

.336

.355

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

Last in Errors, but just 27th in Defensive Efficiency: Astros Baseball! Fever caught! And then dropped!