Engage People at a Social Site, at an Event, on the Telephone

It’s true of every big and small business that not one can succeed alone. We all need the help of the community who supports us to keep growing. Yet as I work with corporations who hire me and people ask for my help, I find the greatest commonality is that we seem to work on the premise that we have to do everything ourselves.

We’re better at surveying, studying, measuring, questioning, observing, and even psychoanalyzing the people who build, buy, sell, use, and tell others about our products and services than we are at letting them participate as much as they might in helping us thrive. But we’re not very good at connecting with natural advocates when they step up and let us know they’re interested in us.

Here are 5 ways to find and connect with people who grow your business online and off.

Be a learner, not a hunter. Attracting the people who’ll help starts with a mindset that invites people to share. At your next networking event, instead of looking for leads or hot contacts, look for people who can teach you about the people in the room. Ask, “What do the people in this group have in common? What sort of opportunity does this event offer you?” Look for a mentor not a sales lead and you might find someone who not only introduces you, but also wants to know more about what you do.

Talk to everyone about your quest. Don’t wait until you’re ready to release the “big deal” before you let folks know about it. Invite people who share similar goals to hear a little about where you’re going. People are naturally generous and love to share in a dream. They’ll immediately start connecting your quest to what they’re doing and to people doing similar things. You might find a killer idea, an unconsidered channel of distribution, or a whole network of future customers from conversations like that.

Ask for their experience. Experience is hard won and valued by those who’ve earned it. It’s hard to top the feeling of being asked to offer what we’ve learned. Great leaders soon figure out that the people who’ve already traveled down a road know things that can make the trip faster, easier, and more meaningful. Seek out those who’ve already done what you’ve done.

Turn interest into investment. When someone shows an interest — comments on your blog, remarks on your presentation, sends an email about something your company is doing — respond. Engage in the conversation. Listen actively.When people show interest, they already like what you do. You’re ahead. Start thinking about what else those people might do. Could they write a review for your blog? Could they run a Twitter chat? Invite them to think of how they add a small bit of their own to what caught their attention.

Value every contribution. A brilliant tweet or an outstanding comment usually gets a thank you and then the conversation ends. A sincere and curious response from you can be a day changer when it’s offered to someone who didn’t expect you’d have time for them.Value every generosity and get to know who offered it. Those first acts of kindness are great ways to find people who will really invest in your business. When you find a good one, encourage the person who took the initiative to write that comment or make that Tweet to do something slightly larger next — maybe invite a brief blog post or offer a short phone chat. Moving to a higher level of engagement and trust is how relationships grow and businesses grow with them.

The aim of social business is to connect with people around what we’re doing, then to connect them with each other and keep those connections going. If we listen actively when folks tentatively step up, we’ll find we’re surrounded by people who want to participate in deeper ways than just watching us and buying our products.

The first step is recognize the folks who already love us and make a deeper connection with them.

Social Noise Steals the Fuel to Do Extraordinary Stuff

When I was a kid, I wasn’t looking for my direction. No one said to follow my passion. I was a kid. I was on a quest to be extraordinary.

When I was a kid, I wasn’t bombarded with information from every dimension. My social circle was small. Now I have more social network passwords than the number of connections I had when I was kid.

Everyone seems to doing more than I am. Everything seems to be growing faster than anyone could manage to follow. Conversations bifurcate, trifurcate, and splinter off in bit and pieces. Sorting value from spam isn’t always a case of checking whether it came from a friend.

In the process, I’m losing my own voice.
And the social noise is unraveling my passion one thread at time.
Sheer exhaustion steals the inspiration and the direction that I had when the day began.

Is Social Noise Unraveling Your Quest?

It’s a challenge to stay calm when the screen is always updating and we’re always chasing the next link or headline that shows up. Curiosity takes fuel to run. And every generous spirit who does a good turn or sends a good wish seems to be calling us to return a good one now then. Do you find that after some time on Twitter or Facebook, your head needs a long, cool transition? It only makes sense that all of that fragmented data makes a brain want some time to sort.

The social interaction can undermine the strongest determination we have to move forward by using it all just to keep up with what’s going on. Is social noise unraveling your quest?

Do you lose track of the kid in you who wants to do extraordinary stuff?

Here’s my recipe for getting past the noise and distraction and back to doing extraordinary stuff.

I turn it off.

In a minute of silence, I remember my quest.
When I look out the window or stand and stretch, it gets easier to tune into my resolve.
Knowing where you’re going is irresistibly attractive.
It also fuels the noble cause.

What’s in a Question?

You wake up and you find everything you had is gone.
Your computer is crashed. Your house has collapsed. Your beautiful puppy has run away with the local hound.

Everywhere you turn something else seems to be falling apart.
You try to make sense of it.

Your choice between two questions will affect whether you move forward or get stuck more than you might realize.

Will you think …

How do things get any worse?
orHow does it get any better than this?

Whether your world is falling apart or the universe falling into into sync with the life you want to live, things can always get better.

Moving toward the better is raises our positive brain chemistry. That fuels our minds and hearts, keeps us smiling, and keeps us investing in the world as a better place. With that outlook fueling us, we keep building dreams and we keep attracting positive people who want to help us. Without it, we start pushing the positive off.

Just the right question — How does it get any better than this? —
in times of stress or happiness is that powerful.

Try asking yourself that question every day for a month.
See what happens.

Who Influences You?

I’m proud of you. You inspire me. You’re a treasure.

Have you ever heard those words?

How nice it is to know that in some life you’ve been a treasure, a thing of beauty or inspiration. I never cease to wonder what prompts such a feeling, what someone saw in me. What does it mean to make another person proud?

Words like that influence me.
They change how I think, how I act, what I believe and what I do next.
They make me stop, think, and wonder what I did to earn them.
A powerful statement can change doubt into confidence.

When I get a response that says I’m valued, I’m influenced to do things that will earn that feeling again.

When stars die they leave behind space debris. Space debris is gorgeous colors and shines with its own bright light. The wispy, windy patterns and reflections energize filmy fibers in the endless space night.

What (hu)man named it trash?
It’s a treasure for the heart and the eyes.

People and stars are made of the same stuff.
The carbon that makes cell in our bodies came from the same stuff that makes stars.

It’s true about stars.
It’s true about people too.

Stars shine no matter who is looking.
No one has to call them a treasure.
They shine because that’s what stars do.

Influence Yourself

This week …

Be a treasure.
Start a quest. Create and conspire.
Be a mentor, a leader, a teacher. Inspire.
Be a beginner, a learner, an adventurer. Aspire.
Shine at being you.
Shine because being brilliant is what you do.
Do it because YOU have decided you’re living up to being a treasure.

Relational Reciprocity

I don’t play with every new social media tool. In fact, I ignore most of them. I’ve decided my view is that tools are vehicles for problem solving or uniquely rare opportunities for new learning. The former I go looking for when I need them. The latter show up without warning, but are few and far between.

Once the decision is made to participate, I’m in with “both feet.” I’m a saturation learner, always have been. It shows in my 14+ years of dance training, my 8 years of theater, my 35 years of education and educational publishing … even in the way I took on blogging.

Reciprocity is Relational, Not Transactional

I’ve been exploring EmpireAvenue for one year now. The game and the sociology caught my attention and offered me something new worth exploring.

The premise of Empire Avenue is that a player buys shares in other players’ participation on social media platforms across the Internet. So at first what fascinated me was the idea of getting a more rounded picture of the people who were playing the game and what was driving them — and also what would drive me.

Soon enough the game pushed the question of reciprocity.

The way the game is engineered, the currency I spend to purchase shares in your activity doesn’t flows through to you at much less. Basically, if I buy 100 shares in you, you’ll get a deposit worth about 10 of your shares. So complete reciprocity — for you to buy 100 shares back — is nearly impossible, even if my share price is WAY less than yours.

Yet some folks hold an unrealistic expectation of reciprocity — one that hurts their own success.
Their expectations seem to me out of balance with their best interests.

The reason I invest in your activity is because your shares earn value and deliver daily dividends. If I buy you I grow and pass on that growth to my shareholders. It’s a perk if you buy my shares too.

If I wait for every winner in the game to come back to buy equal shares in me — some never will. Their share price will get higher as they grow. I’ll lose the dividends I could have been earned while I waited for some transactional reciprocity.

Who loses in that scenario?
Me … not the winners I believe are ignoring me.

It works that way in everything. If I invest in you as a person, it’s because you’re growing, you add value by who you are and what you’re doing. By investing in you, I grow too!

Reciprocity is relational. Not transactional.

Plant a seed.
Watch it grow.
Enjoy the flower.

Reciprocity is the flower — color, beauty, fragrance.
It’s not “I cared for the seed. Now the seed cares for me.”
The act of helping the seed grow provided a far more powerful payoff.

It’s the same with people.

Choose Your Winners Wisely and Invest Unconditionally

An unforgiving belief in transactional reciprocity is a skewed form of not seeing the whole picture. When we close our eyes to seeing all point of view, we defeat ourselves — or as my mom would say “Cut off own nose to spite our face.”

So if you’ve been hoarding your attention because someone’s not paying attention to you … could be you’re at the losing end of that idea. Look for the flower in the attention you’re giving. Not the seed of attention that you think you’re owed.

Build relational reciprocity by investing in what you’re willing to grow.

Choose your winners wisely and invest in them unconditionally.

Value the resources you’re investing dearly. Then offer them without fear.
For the most important, don’t hold back the blood, sweat, and tears.

See the flowers in the seeds even before you start helping them grow.
And keep your nose.

People or Screens

Every morning for almost a year, I’ve been publishing photos of the sunrise over Lake Michigan. Sometimes when the afternoon is worth a photo graph I also publish a photo of the sunset too. On Twitter I greet my friends with a “Good morning, Twitterville” and a kind word. I try to check in with them via Facebook and Linkedin too.

Many of my online social interactions help me keep my day moving … as I transition from one task to another, it helps me to stop by Twitter to give my friends a shout out or to take time for a short read and a retweet. Being social online is a natural part of how my day goes by when it’s just me and the keys.

But when I’m with people, I like to be with people.
I find it hard to be where I am, if I’m looking at at screen.

What I Learned, Lost, and Earned Being Off Social Media for 10 Days

The theme of #SOBCon this year was Creating and Leveraging Opportunity. I challenged myself to do what I believed.

Be balanced. In this case, have my head and heart in the same place as my mind and my feet.

Go deep. Be a saturation learner. Meet people where they “live and think.”

Build a business not a birthday cake. Allow for the fact that a business is not a closed system — that flexibility is a key component to strategy.

People ARE the opportunity. Buildings, companies, products, technology do not have the stability or the reach of human-to-human relationships.

Last Wed., May 2, I left home with a suitcase to head downtown in preparation for our annual #SOBCon event in Chicago from there I would be speaking at CMSExpo in Evanston to arrive back home on May 10th. But things being what they are it ended up that I was hardly around on social sites until the 12th.

Before I left, I loaded up my blog with the blog posts that I had planned for the week. I also loaded up my Twitter account with some great posts I’d been reading on other blogs — articles on small business, strategy, weird science, and cool brain stuff — my favorite information to share via tweets.

When I got down to the hotel, I did some last minute planning. I went over to the event center to check a few things and pick an HP Folio Ultrabook that the Small Biz Folks at Hewlett Packard had sent for me, thinking maybe if I set it up, I’d be able to Tweet some, or post some, or connect some like a good social media do-bee. I got the computer up and rolling in no time. It’s light, intuitive, and has a huge battery life — can’t say how long it lasts yet, because, well, once I got it going, I kept turning it on and then getting involved in other things.

And in the course of 10 days, here’s what I about social media, the Internet, and me.

The social is more important than the media. When the choice comes to talking to the people live and in person, take it! Be where you are. Look them in the eyes. Listen actively. What I saw and experienced in the richness of a hug, a tone of voice, smiles shared, and glasses clinked is something I carry back to the Internet. I hear the voices of those same people when I see them again this week on Twitter.

Being in the story is faster, easier, and more meaningful than reporting it. I can only speak for my experience, but seconds I spend trying to share something with people online turn me into a reporter. When I shed the reporter’s role, I see, hear, and feel so much more. I am mindful and present. I am also calmer, more flexible, and more fluent because I can attend to and respond to the world I’m in rather than trying to translate to the world I can’t see.

The Internet got along fine without me. As far as I know, no one suffered greatly by my absence. The world didn’t stop turning. I had no more than 3 “must respond to” emails daily – I’m just not THAT important.

What I lost is easy to measure …

Yes, my blog traffic went down a bit. I didn’t attract as many Twitter followers as I had in the previous 10 days. My stock price on Empire Avenue dropped. My stats on Facebook now need some attention. My email inbox took about two hours to get back in order.

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