The following words were written for my son’s funeral. They were the hardest words I have ever had to put on paper. They were written through a haze of tears, anxiety, pain… unbearable grief and despair. They are all over the place really, but they are real, raw and true…

He wore his cap backwards just like Adam. He swaggered like Adam. He even looked like Adam in a way. It was probably the overall look that got me. He just reminded me of Adam. And then I missed Adam ever so strongly. More than I normally would on a walk back from the pharmacy. It was surreal in a way.

Feeling so flat, scared….scared of the floodgate that might open up..There are people who want me to call them but I really don’t feel like seeing or speaking to anyone. I know I shouldn’t isolate myself but its just how I feel right now. There’s nothing that can help.