Category: Blog

I was working and binge-watching MTV’s Catfish TV show and I realized the show is a painful reflection of online dating and the new social media culture. The episodes follow the same script; a lone guy or girl solicits Nev and Max’s help to discover if this amazingly hot person is really who they say they are. Usually the solicitor has waited for weeks, months and even years without laying their eyes on this person, but what they do have are pictures that rate at least a 9.5 on a scale of 1-10. Instead of exercising judgement, the solicitors hope and pray, holding tight to that last shred of hope that a super hot person is really out there waiting just for them.

The hypocrisy the show reveals in all of us is almost laughable. All these tender moments shared texting, talking on the phone and even e-mailing; are only relevant if the person is indeed just as attractive as their pictures. At the point of the “reveal”, when Nev and his sidekick Max find the catfish and it’s discovered that they are an average person, without the filtered qualities of an Instagram selfie, you can see the disappointment chased by anger, slowly cross the solicitors face.

Lipkits, rappers, and black athletes have all been used to position the Kardashians as the “it” girls of pop culture which is run by urban culture. If their fans haven’t gotten irritated by Kylie and Kendall transposing their image on the images of rock legends, or irritated with Kylie starring in a Pepsi commercial that mocked the black lives matter movement, then perhaps they will finally be upset with Khloe standing over an androgynous Slick Woods in a picture that screams white superiority in volumes. I may be the only one who is bold enough to say it, but it reeks of Trump’s slight, “look at my African American.”

I know it can’t be just me feeling sick looking at this picture of the bald headed black girl adoringly stroking Khloe’s leg while she looks down on her. We all know from an artistic perspective positioning in pictures is key. If you want to assert dominance you stand above and look down on someone. Bowing ones head is a sign of submission.

I’m so glad a creative sister with a non-profit spirit created the #BeardGameMatters Facebook group. I admit I wasn’t aware of the blessed site until one of my girlfriends added me to the group and warned me to be careful. I wasn’t quite sure what I was going to see when I clicked on the link but when I did, I was ever so thankful that Saptosa Foster is such a great friend.

Before I go any further, I want to make sure you all know that Brian and Kevin are haters of the #beardgamematters movement. As the only female in our group, I’m constantly amazed that men think it’s perfectly normal to salivate and objectify women on the daily but the minute we acknowledge as women that we enjoy looking at a nice pair of shoulders, some nice arms and Lawd have mercy a well groomed beard, then all of a sudden “Women are perverts!” Excuse me?

Since I’ve been in a relationship for the past 8 months, I’ve been on overdrive trying to hook up my girls in an effort to help others find love. I was talking to my girlfriend and my boyfriend’s friend trying to score a love connection and both of them requested so many pictures of each other, that I lost interest in being a matchmaker.

“Send me a picture of her from this angle.”

“Do you have another picture?”

“Do you have a picture of him without glasses?”

Finally I just stopped responding to both of them, but it made me wonder if our obsession with social media has us looking for the perfect picture instead of the perfect situation?

Black Love…

“I can’t believe you’re writing about relationships and Black Love when there are so many other things we need to be concerned about in the black community,” an irate Facebook friend left on my page last month. I started to defend my post and then realized his comment was indicative of how far we’ve come as a culture from what is important. While no one can argue the fact that we are dealing with political and social unrest as a people, it’s my personal belief that LOVE is the greatest solvent there is and more love within our community would be the most effective change agent applicable.

OK so that may sound a bit dramatic but I challenge you to give me the benefit of the doubt. It’s not unreasonable to suggest that the issues within our community are directly related to poverty, single parent households, lack of parental involvement and a lack of education. Few would argue that adult issues are directly related to childhood issues and we know childhood issues are related to the experience our parent(s) provided. How many of us would’ve had a very different childhood if our parents had learned to love and respect each other even while co-parenting?