If we all pattern our behavior after the worst examples available to us then all is truly lost.

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Thursday Preview: The Fifty First State of Israel?

If we really want to make protection of the state of Israel a key component of our foreign policy, why not move it to a place where we can make it safe and secure part of the continental United States?

According to the CIA World Fact Book, Israel is slightly smaller than the state of New Jersey. It sits at 31 degrees north latitude, and has a total population of less than 6.5 million. Its climate is "temperate; hot and dry in southern and eastern areas." Only 15 percent of its land is arable. And oh yeah, it's surrounded on all sides by enemies committed to its elimination; enemies that couldn't lay a finger on it if it were located in the middle of the mightiest nation that ever existed.

Terrain and climate wise, Israel resembles one of the most unpopulated regions of the United States, an area that centers on the edges of Nevada, Utah and Arizona. If you carve a New Jersay piece of real estate out of that tri-state corner and give it to Israel, it won't make a whole hell of a lot of difference to anybody who already lives there. The Israelis already respect the property ownership and rights of anyone who isn't Jewish.

Israel wouldn't need to make wholesale changes in its present form of government to become an American state. Olmert and his successors would switch from being prime ministers to governors. They could keep their legislative system just the way it is as a state assembly. The Israeli Defense Force could become the Israeli National Guard, and the Mossad could become the competent branch of America's intelligence community.

Who would have a legitimate gripe about a state of the American union that is religiously oriented? Certainly not those booger snacking evangelical Christians who infest red states, and sure as hell not Utah.

Yes, we'd have to finance the cost of moving every man, woman and child in Israel to America, but in both the long and short term, that would cost a hell of a lot less than what we're paying to keep them where they are.

And imagine what would happen if we turned the Israelis from tax burdens into taxpayers. These industrious people have proven themselves eminently capable of turning deserts into garden spots, of transforming desolation into vibrant communities. Could we use that kind of human growth injection into the American scene or what?

As to the religious artifacts and traditions of Jerusalem and other artifacts in present day Israel:

American entrepeneur Robert P. McCulloch bought the London Bridge in 1968 and had it torn down, transported and rebuilt brick by brick in Lake Havisu, Arizona. If Mculloch could pull off a stunt like, it should be no problem at all for the Jews and the American government to transport every molecule of the Wailing Wall and whatever other Holy Moses relic they care to keep and reconstruct it in the United States Commonwealth of Israel.

End Game

With Israel safely nested inside our ocean protected borders, the only vulnerability the Middle East presents to American is our dependence on its oil and the possible threat of developing intercontinental ballistic missiles that can deliver nuclear warheads on American cities. But, by golly, with the Israelis fully vested in the American agenda, I'll bet you dollars to donuts they could come up to solutions to those problems post haste.

Yeah, I know this whole idea of bringing Israel here sounds a bit crazy. But is it one bit crazier than the foreign policy we're pursuing now?

The problem is that when the Mormon "youts" came riding their bikes into Israel...they'd be locked up. That'd piss off Utah...and we'd be at it again.Kristol would go on Fux News and demand that the US invade itself.

Perhaps the Isreali nation would consider the middle part of Baja California, pretty barren with excellent ocean access and a built-in tourist attractions, the breeding grounds for the grey whale.

They could turn their nukes into breeder reactors, taking "spent" fuel from around the world and "rejuvenating" it for resale as well as using the low grade waste heat to desalinate sea water for use up and down the peninsula.

I would suggest that their tourist attractions in "old" Isreal could be placed in local hands. The idea of tourist monies would likely keep them from being desecrated in any way.

Seems like a win-win all around.

memo: I cannot claim this as my own as my sister-in-law had this idea over ten years ago.

I have to say - its definately an interesting idea! As far as I am aware, there are more Jews in the US than there are in Israel anyway - this would definately make it easier for them to visit or move to.

Taking Israel out of the Middle East, giving the Palestinians back their land - definately a sound idea.

Putting them in Utah..... not sure about that. But then I'm from Britain - would I even get a say? (not that I get one now!)

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Commander Jeff Huber, U.S. Navy (retired) was a naval flight officer who commanded an aircraft squadron and was operations officer of USS Theodore Roosevelt, the carrier that fought the Kosovo War. He earned a master-of-arts degree in post-modern imperialism at the U.S. Naval War College where many of his essays became required student reading. Jeff’s weekly satires on U.S. foreign policy high jinks appear at Antiwar.com and his critically applauded novel Bathtub Admirals (Kunati Books), a lampoon on America's rise to global dominance, is on sale now. Jeff lives with dogs in a house by the beach on Chesapeake Bay in Virginia, and in the summer he has a nice tan.