SLIDER

December 31, 2017

Happy New Year! Well, there goes another year!!! Let me just say that 2017 was one of the toughest ones for me. It was like someone threw crap at a spinning ceiling fan (haha). I cried a lot, I laughed a lot... I was brave enough to dive head first into unfamiliar situations, brave enough to open up and be vulnerable... But slowly, I healed. I read a lot of prose and poetry (Rupi Kaur's collections are my fave), watched a lot of TED talks, took psychology as a minor... You get the point. But, through this very challenging year, I have learned a lot of things and I wanted to share these with you guys.

It has been a while since I last wrote something, so yeah this is super rough.

1. You can't control everything. Sometimes you have to let some things go.

➤ As someone who overthinks everything (lol what's new), I tend to plan every situation down to every little detail. This has been such a terrible habit of mine... Trying to plan everything in your head just sets you up to be disappointed.

➤ I always end up expecting too much from everything and everyone, then I would end up getting really hurt when some things don't go the way I "plan" it to be. This is still something that I personally have to work on. In life, you just have to accept that some things are or aren't meant to happen, and that other people are entitled to their own opinions and feelings. And those are external. Those things you cannot control.

2. It is completely normal to feel lost sometimes.

➤ I started off the year with an 8 month break from university which made me feel so frustrated about everything but mostly-- myself. I felt so lost and I felt like the whole universe was conspiring against me. I had no idea what I really wanted to do with my life, and I had no idea what I was doing wrong. During the first few months of the year, I started pushing people away. I was embarrassed of myself and how much of a failure I am for not knowing what to do. So I decided to get a job to make me feel a sense of purpose, to distract myself, and to keep busy.

➤ It was also around the beginning of 2017 when I got my hopes high and my feelings really hurt for the first time this year. I fell in love with the possibility of something deeper than friendship and the feeling of belonging. I guess I was feeling so down that it felt so good when somebody actually noticed me during "my darkest times". Aaaaand, after being "ghosted" (aaaah sh*t), I felt so lost again. (also can I just say that ghosting is so not cool! it messes up with people's feelings)

➤ But yeah. Looking back, I realized that I was supposed to get lost in order to find myself again. Furthermore..........

3. It is never a good idea to compare yourself to other people.

➤ !!!Very important lesson of 2017!!! Comparing yourself to other people is never a good idea. It will just make you feel like complete sh*t. I have gone days crying and overthinking about how everyone is so much better than I was. Ugh. This is one of those things that I am going to look back at and say "what a f*cking loser". But seriously, DON'T go scrolling through other people's social media platforms and start comparing how good their life is compared to yours. You will not get anything from it. (Well I guess, you can get motivation from it, but idk it's never a good idea if you're an over thinker like me 😅)

➤ Everyone has their own issues anyway, and we don't really see that from the outside. People choose what to post online so everything is filtered. I could go on and on about this so I'm going to stop here haha.

➤ Compare yourself to yourself yesterday. Wait, does that make sense? You get the point.

4. Pain is temporary.

➤ I learned that bottling up the pain / your feelings hurts a lot more than just letting it all out. I used to hold down any emotions I have but oh my goodness after a while, it will physically hurt you. Like you can feel it everywhere.

➤ If you need to, just cry it out. Let it all out. It will feel better after you release whatever it is you're feeling. And whatever it is, just know that it'll pass. It happened because you have to learn something from it.

➤ Opening yourself up to feeling pain is very brave anyway. GO you.

5. Self-care & self-love is very important!!!

➤ There are a lot of really good poems by Rupi Kaurbut this is one that I really want to share with you guys. She wrote:

➤ Life is really tough so it is essential to take time to recharge, and treat ourselves you know. I know I still kinda suck at taking care of myself, but I am working on it. I've always been so sensitive to other people's feelings, and I have been used to always putting everyone else ahead of me. But I have learned that sometimes, we have to be a little bit selfish because we have to look after ourselves too.

➤ There are so many ways to recharge and make yourself feel better physically, and mentally. I usually take myself out on "solo dates". I would go to a favorite cafe or restaurant, have something good to eat, and I put my phone away and disconnect from the pressures of the online world and just focus on the present. You know, just simple things.

➤ Recently, I started meditating in the morning and before I go to sleep. And can I just say, it is amazing. Clearing your mind makes you feel so much better. It calms me down and it helps with my anxiety and insomnia as well.

➤ I found that having a Pinterest board / a collection of positive affirmations to scroll through, and reading poems (there are a lot of good poetry accounts on Instagram) helps a lot too! A little retail therapy works too 😉😏

➤ In our lifetime, we are stuck with ourselves anyway... Might as well learn to enjoy our own company.

6. Be honest. Be vulnerable.

➤ I have always been the type of person who instantly freaks out when I start catching feelings. 😬 I never really knew what to do when I start feeling a little something more towards someone.

➤ However.. Recently, I took a deep breath and I tried to be brave. I am still working on expressing my feelings through actual conversation (writing is so much easier for me), because I always get so choked up and nervous and teary-eyed whenever I talk or open up about my feelings to anybody.

➤ I've learned that it is so much better to just put it all out there and just be honest. The worst thing that could happen is rejection, but hey, you won't be filled with regrets.

Those are just a few of the many lessons I've learned throughout the year. Aaaand I am looking forward to what 2018 will bring. This new year, I hope to continue my journey to continue healing, to find myself, to grow, and to just make the most out of everything in life. We made it through another year, so keep doing you and hopefully we've learned from the challenges we encountered during the past year. No need for resolutions. We are ready for anything.

July 12, 2017

Well... here's a super random blog post. I woke up this morning feeling super creative so I whipped out my DSLR and practiced taking self portraits. (Yay for remote shooting!) I especially like Canon's camera app where you can do remote live view shooting. It makes focusing on the subject super easy!!! Anyway, here are a few of the photos I took. I literally just woke up when I took this so please excuse the tired look on my face haha!

While we're at it, let's talk about "seizing the day". I had a really good talk with one of my closest friends this morning and like our usual conversations, we got really deep. We started talking about our purpose, how we "live to die", and other really dark stuff. (Yeah you can say we are pretty weird. But hey this is what happens when you're having an existential crisis hahaha!) Anyway, she said something that made me stop and think. She told me that no one really cares about what you do to yourself or do in your lifetime. We are mostly pressured and influenced by society on how we are "supposed" to live our lives. But the truth is, no one cares because everyone is too busy caring about themselves. So in my friend's exact words, "you shouldn't give a shit". Seize the day and just do you. Stop overthinking about the future and just enjoy this moment. Today is a gift, that is why it's called "present"! (ayyyeee!)

June 20, 2017

Today is the first day of summer! Aren't you guys excited for all the fun adventures you're going to do?? Summer in Texas is super hot and humid so I'm kinda dreading that... lol! But, it's something a little (well tbh a lot) of air-conditioning and ice cream can treat. Anyway, most of my recent "adventures" have been spur-of-the-moment adventures. However, there are a few things that I really want to do this summer.

(Here are some photos from 📍Mercer Botanical Garden. Photos of me by Alanis)

Go to the beach - Texas doesn't really have *amazing* beaches, so somewhere out of state would be nice.

Have the best 21st birthday celebration - I'm turning 21 in July and I am really excited about it! I still have no idea how I'm going to celebrate it, but one thing is for sure...it will be with my closest friends!

Go on a road trip - to anywhere! I'm up for anything.

Hit the waterpark - idk I think it's a fun summery thing to do!

Get sick of snow cones, gelato, and ice cream - just because... But I think it's impossible.

Go hiking - some of you guys might know that I'm not the outdoorsy kind of person... But! I am trying to change that. I've gone hiking and even caving before, but that was a really long time ago! I know there are a lot of nice places to go hiking around Texas so I should definitely go.

Enjoy live music - there are a lot of live music events in downtown Houston. I've only been to some a few times, and I really enjoyed it.

So those are a few of the things I want to do this summer. I'm sure I'll come up with more, but those are the ones I can think of right now. I hope you guys have an amazing summer! Don't forget to put on some sunblock!

June 14, 2017

It's always nice to have some time to just "girl out" with your best gal pals. Girlfriends are cheaper than therapy anyway, am I right?!

It has been a while since we actually went out with all of us together. We all work different jobs, so scheduling a day / night out with all of us is a bit difficult since our schedule keeps on changing. Anyway, Monday was a rare day when all of us were actually off from work so we took advantage of it and went on a spontaneous girls' day out (which usually consists of consuming copious amounts of food, and clearance shopping)!

📍Market Street - The Woodlands, Texas

Market Street at The Woodlands is probably one of my fave places to hang out and walk around with my friends. It's very chill and the atmosphere is just nice. They host a lot of pretty cool events, so that's another thing.

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About me

Hello! My name is Monika and I am from Houston, Texas. I enjoy literature, history, and arts which sparked passion my interest in photography, and my desire travel. I am also a huge bibliophile. I love collecting books and I love getting lost in different worlds from the books that I read...