Sh!t my kid says and YOU’RE WELCOME.

So, the first time, my family went on the Michigander, I brought my kindle along. It was a pain in the ass to charge, because everyone has a cell phone that needs to be charged, but it was nice to have a bazillion books to read.

The second time my family went on the Michigander, I was sick of all my digital books and I was nearly done with reading one of the best series ever.

It’s Harry, bitch.

The logical decision was to bring the damn book along. On a bike trip. Cuz, you know. YOLO.*

Dad: Your bag is so heavy.

Me: Well, you know, I’ve got some of the baby’s stuff in there. His crap won’t all fit in his little roll-y dinosaur trunk.

Inner Monologue: For real, it’s HP7. It’s J.K. Rowling‘s fault because she wrote a fucking truckload.

On this trip, Boo saw me reading the HP greatness. Being the smarty pants kid that he is, he asked the basic questions for a three year old.

Me: Just like that. But first, you need to have a wand, and second, we don’t like that spell.

Boo: Oh.

A few months after the bike trip, we were at Meijer. Boo was still on a “catch phrase” period of talking, so there was a lot of “expelliarmus” spells getting thrown around. We happened to be venturing down the aisle that Meijer calls a book aisle when Boo saw it. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. Just like Mom’s.

He gets excited. He points at the book. I’m excited too — because HARRY POTTER. But then the greatest moment in the history of small children and Harry Potter happened.

We’re walking away from the book, when Boo swivels in the child portion of the cart, points down the aisle, which has one 30 something innocent woman in it, and hollers. Avada Kedavra.

The woman has obviously read Harry Potter because her jaw just drops and she stares at us as we walk by. I’m not sure if I should be embarrassed, or if I should laugh or what. But my kid just Avada Kedavra’d that lady in Meijer.

I’m telling this story to one of my friends and she gets excited.

“You should absolutely read all the Harry Potters to Boo. You can write down what he says and blog it because it will all. be. hilarious.”

To which I responded, “YES, BUT HAVE YOU READ MUGGLEHUSTLE?”

CH 17: There are motherfucking snakes in the motherfucking old ladies.

I read every new post but haven’t left a comment in a while. Sorry about that. I absolutely love this. I can close my eyes and see and hear the whole thing unraveling. It reminds me of a story my mom told me about my bro. Apparently he heard someone say “fuck” and while he and mom were at the store he sang a song made up of one word through the entire store. Yes he was singing his very own “fuck” song. My mother said she hoped that by not reacting he would stop but he lasted the entire shopping spree.

i think i may have just fallen in love with your son. and you. in a very not creepy but harry potter just makes me so happy kind of way. i made my younger brothers read harry potter over the past couple of years, and one just turned eleven so of course i got him a hogwarts letter delivered to him by stuffed owl and his very own wand. he walked around “casting spells” for days. like, he would point at the light switch and say lumos before turning it on. i obviously taught him well.