"Pittsburgh's Black and Gold" is the resurrection of a magazine that was first published in the late 70s, and ended after only a five year run. Today, nearly 30 years later and in a totally new medium, it is once again being published by Angelo Spagnolo, a lifelong Pittsburgher and avid sports fan of all teams "Black and Gold". This site is a tribute to Pittsburgh, where the home teams all wear the same uniform colors. "It's a hard-drinkin' town with an all Pittsburgh sports problem!!!"

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

I'm sure that I'm going to get emails from local Pirate Kool-Aid afficionados as well as Pirate Caravan attendees on this commentary, but I don't care. I have to speak what's truly on my mind: Major League Baseball has to have the biggest collection of sub-morons on the face of the planet and I'm not referring to the ballplayers. No, this honor has to go to the geniuses who keep handing out these ridiculous contracts.

First you have those perennial economic stimulators the New York Yankees. I'm not going to even get into who they signed. But a half billion dollars worth of talent? Do you Steinbrenners know that there's a recession/depression going on? Do you really feel that your fans are going to be able to attend games as often because of the financial binds that people are finding themselves in today? Have you given any thought to this whatsoever? If not, well that's your problem. Don't think that I'm going to be sitting up tonight worrying about your excesses.

While they're not even in the same galaxy with the Yankees, does it surprise you that our wonderful Pirates nevertheless feel compelled to lavish money on their own stiffs, er players, even if it does happen to be one Adam LaRoche?

Above: Inside of this special security glass sits $1 million dollars. The Pirates are giving seven of these to Adam LaRoche. Symbolically, the glass is half empty, as is half of each LaRoche season.

So that you don't think that I'm being completely unfair, let me say that the ADD afflicted elder LaRoche brother is one of the better fielding first basemen that yer Buccos have had in quite some time. Maybe even one of their best ever. But how can you pay a man $7 mllion for only hitting for about half of the season. It would be one thing if he started hitting after the All Star break and that surge was enough to propel us into the post season, but by the time old Adam commences to seeing the ball onto his bat, the Bucs are usually already mired in last place and safely out of any chance at the playoffs. This is a good signal that it's time for Adam to then start hitting the cover off the ball...in meaningless games. But with this version of the Pirates even that won't matter, not while having one arm and two legs tied behind our backs.

$7 million being lavished on a player who only contributes at the plate for half of a season is a luxury that the Pirates simply can't afford. I would have rather seen them sign a washed-up Pedro Martinez to see if he could show this pitching staff how to break a batter's helmet than to waste these payroll dollars on a guy who rarely ever shows any emotion at all.

Above: Adam (left) with baby brother Andy prior to the infamous trade that made both brothers Buccaneers. The Pirates were apparently so impressed with Adam that they thought they couldn't go wrong with Andy. Unlike Adam who suffers with attention deficit disorder, Andy is perfectly healthy, just lazy. Yes, the Pirates have always been astute judges of talent.

While I'm on a rant about Adam LaRoche, can you believe that after disappointing the team as much as he has, that the Pirates would go out and get his underachieving younger brother Andy too? The other day I read where the Pirates are saying that there won't be a competition for the third base job. It's Adam's job to lose. Oh really? I thought the Pirates would have learned something after having their pitching staff "set" going into last season? What a joke that turned out to be. What about Neal Walker? Is it safe to say that he's turning into the bust du jour since he's not even being considered for the job? How can a team that lost as many games as the Pirates did last season have any positions locked up??? Is that the question of the day?

Folks, I've never been known to be a pessimistic person. In fact, I've felt pretty good the last couple years that the Pirates were going to at least not be a complete embarassment and were on the road to becoming competitive.

Wrong.

Let me assure you, I have absolutely none of that feeling now and I wouldn't be surprised if this particular model won less games than any team in their entire history. They really could be that bad.

Lest you misunderstand me, I don't want these guys to struggle, I'd love to be able to write with the same enthusiasm that I currently do about the Steelers or Penguins, but as Dr Evil likes to say, "Throw me a frickin' bone here." If they continuously keep making boneheaded personnel moves like these, they'll never have a chance. Littlefield may have been the worst drafter and trade evaluator in their history and Cam Bonifay could dish out money with the best of them, but so far Neil Huntington hasn't done much to show that he's going to be much better. For example, shipping out our left and right fielders and a half decent third baseman for a couple good prospects and a several questionable ones isn't going to improve this team now or in the forseeable future. In fact, the only positive that I've seen in the last several years is the development of the baseball academy in Latin America. We should hopefully start seeing players coming out of there in, oh, about four or five years. But keep your chins up Bucco fans, as soon as this next rebuilding plan is over in another five years or so, this team will be there!

Below: This shaving cream pie should have been launched at one Neal Huntington.

"I hear you could scratch my back with a hacksaw!!!"

Mellon Arena

Another Pittsburgh Icon soon to be blown up. They should've made this into the "North Pole Casino". It would've been great!

Chuck Tanner Figurine

Quite possibly the worst sports likeness ever foisted upon the figurine-bobblehead collecting public

Pittsburgh Icon WITH HIS ICON

Waving The Icon He Created ! God Bless You Myron!

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Jack "Splat" Lambert

"Count Dracula In Cleats". I wonder how he feels about Hines Ward getting fined for hitting people too hard?

Maz Bobblehead

Doesn't Look Like Him at all.

"The Mendoza Line"

Baseball's Equivalent of the Worst Avid Golfer. I'd like to meet him, but it could cause a crack in the "space-time continuum".

"The Poison Brothers"

We Miss You Myron

About Me

I'm well known for my golf exploits as "America's Worst Avid Golfer" (Golf Digest Magazine, 1985). I took 66 strokes on the island hole at the TPC in Florida (losing 27 balls in the process) thus the 66 on my profile. For the whole gristly story: http://commodoreclub.org/administrative/257_for_18_holes.htm/

"Beat the Broncos...

DICK GROAT

Falling Below Mendoza Line

"P.B.& G." Editor brings another title home to Pittsburgh in 1985 as "Worst Avid Golfer". Click on the photo to see CBS' coverage!

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"Pittsburgh's Black and Gold" is a regularly published blog site that is not sponsored or endorsed by any of the teams that it reports on (Steelers, Penguins, Pirates). All pictures are used here without prior permission. However, if we have used your picture and you would like us to take it down, we will gladly comply with your request. Our mission statement at "PB&G" is to provide an additional insight into all things Black & Gold both for current Pittsburgh residents and for those transplanted Pittsburghers who will always call "The 'Burgh" home.