Date: Mon, 16 Dec 2002 23:03:48 -0800
From: Reggie Tangan
Subject: JOY 6
J O Y
by Reggie Tangan
Disclaimer: all of the characters portrayed here are used fictitiously,
and used for entertainment purposes. Any resemblance to the characters
and situations are purely coincidental.
This story is for adults only; if you don't like sexual themes,
please leave immediately.
for reactions, critiques please send me an email
at reggietangan@edsamail.com.ph
or visit my website at http://www.reggietangan.cjb.net/joy
************************************
"Ordeals and Points"
"Cousin!"
"Cousins?" As I look both Paolo and Paulie, they both shook hands and
looked at me. Together they said...
"Jethro?" They looked at each other and realized. Paolo knows my first
love, but he didn't realize it was his cousin who came back from Cebu.
Paulie didn't know the person was I crazy in love was his cousin.
"Jethro?" They looked again at me.
I wanted to die.
***
Immediately, I thought of something graceful to leave the premises and
run away. Which I did.
"I'm sorry. I have to go." I said, jumped out of Fidel and ran off and
hailed the nearest taxi cab I could find.
"Jethro, wait!" Paolo said. A small chase ensured out. Both Paulie and
Paolo followed me out, trying to make me stay.
"Come on. Don't do this. Don't run away." Paulie followed on.
Everything is getting blurry. I didn't want to think this was happening
to me. And my love life is getting worse, and my past is catching up.
"Jethro! You're middle-aged. Stop running away like a kid." Travis
shouted. Then everybody started to chase me down on Nakpil Street.
I didn't mind the people outside the bars in that street watching the
small drama scene happening in front of their eyes.
"Great. This is nice." Alex said. Ken who was still silent kept on the
shy mode and just joined the new fray after me.
"Please. Leave me alone. I just can't take this anymore." I said.
Finally, I got myself a cab and told the cab driver to take anywhere but
here. Immediately I turned off my phone so that the guys would not
contact me in anyway. My head started to spin with thoughts and more of
them seemed to fall down like leaves in an autumn day.
***
Instead of running back to my place I went to someone who could help me
out in this sudden occurance of problems. He didn't live far though.
I knew he's be the only one capable of answering so many questions in
a span of two hours, or else.
"Chris, it's me Jethro." I buzzed him on his front gate in his home in
Magallanes Village. I wanted to see him, and just pour all whats inside
of me thats not good.
"Unexpected, I presume," He said, opening the gate to let me in his
humble abode, "What's wrong? What happened?" He started to ask questions.
I slumped on his couch, tears began to flow from my eyes. Instantly,
Chris knew I was in big trouble or in some derranged issue I couldn't
handle.
"Is it about you and Paolo, again?" He asked, he brought out a box of
Kleenex in hopes of clearing my eyes full of tears, though, I kept on
crying, as if the world ended just like that.
"Terrible, just terrible. I just can't take it." I said. I told about
the whole Paolo, Paulie thing. Which is totally out of control.
"So, you're telling me you still love Paulie, but you've somehow moved
on with Paolo?" He looked at me, sounding a bit like a litigator, and
he seemed to understand this new thing that's not making me feel good.
"A major conflict of interest." I replied. Chris has this sort of
comfort that is very special to me. As if he was a second father to me,
he could tell what I'm doing wrong and tell me what do to to make
things right again.
"If you think you've moved on, just tell Paulie you've moved on." He
suggested. It did cross my mind, but my relationship with Paulie was
something to be remembered and I'll be having a hard time trying to
forget what he had in high school.
"I tried, but it don't seem to work." I told him.
"Well, somebody has to leave the picture to keep your sanity." He said.
"Wait. Don't tell me I have to..."
"I'm not telling you to break up with Paolo," he interrupted, tyring to
avert my mind to another nonsense thought, "Just tell him you still
love Paulie, because he was your first love."
Chris somehow cleared up my mind.
***
The next day, calls came pouring in from my landline phone and my 3315
Nokia cellphone. Of course, most of them are from Travis and Alex. A
small minority comes from Paulie and most especially Paolo, who felt
really clueless to what happened.
I wanted to ignore every possible moment that happened last night.
I just wanted to have a normal love life, but I guess fate has other
plans for me.
I finally got fed up with all those ringing in my ears. So I grabbed
the nearest communicating device that rang.
"Hello?" I soddened up slowly.
"Jethro, it's me..." It was Paolo.
"Hey. What's up?" Trying to be nonchalant to what happened the other
night. My faint crying started to disappear and tried to smile not
just for Paolo but for me as well.
"I just called to say how you're doing." He said. I felt a tinge of
love coming from him, it somehow cleared a few doubts in my head, but I
kept my guard, he was still Paulie's cousin.
"I'm fine, I guess," I wanted to lie but somehow I felt fine from
Paolo's concern, "Really, I am, pretty much."
"That's good, sweetie," he answered back, "You know I'm always there for
you."
"I know, I know, but right now I'm pretty disgruntled at the moment."
I told him, from the whole Paulie thing.
"I didn't know you had a thing with Paulie." He said.
"That thing was real Paolo, not just a thing." I reminded him.
"Sorry," He apologized, "I'm pretty clueless."
"I'm not blaming you, its just..."
I was still in shock that Paulie and Paolo are connected to each other.
I didn't like the idea of sudden major conflict of interest. My high
school lve just pops out of nowhere wanting me back, yet I'm trying to
move on but the pangs from the past still exists.
I couldn't tell whether I've moved on or I'm still stuck in my fantasy
that resembles my past.
"I'm just confused, that's all." I finally tld him.
"I know, I guess you still love my cousin until now," he said, "I've
been there, you know, 'First love never dies.'"
He was right, but I'm trying to move on.
"Right now, I can't think of something that would make me feel better."
I told him. I wanted to ask how was Paulie. I really wanted to.
"How's Paulie?"
"Oh yeah, Paulie left this morning," Paolo said, "When he saw me and you
and the thing at Fidel he pretty much figured it out."
"No." I slumped on my bed, surprised sadly, "What did he tell you?"
"He said he still wants to be back there, whatever that means."
"I don't want to go back there." I mustered up a bit of strength trying
to move on with Paolo.
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah. I'm sure."
That was it. I'm moving on, but on the contrary I wanted to forget all
about Paulie and high school. Though so many memories lie there and
still wanted to be remembered, I wanted to prove something that I wasn't
stuck at something. I just want to look forward to something.
But I'll always remember the past that lead me there.
***
Travis at all was trying to help me go through this ordeal of having a
major conflict of interest between Paolo and Paulie. Good thing he
managed to bring in some pints of Le Cremeria Ice Cream and a bunch of
wafers be bought from 7-11.
"Well thank God he's going back to Cebu." He said.
"I hope so, but I know it's not for good." I told him, maybe.
"Crappy. But I want to know. Are you still in love with Paulie?" Travis
asked, wanting to know what I really feel about him. I wanted to lie
to my friend. But I thought, if I wasn't true to myself so why do I have
to lie to my friends?
"I can't say."
"I won't tell."
"I'm still..."
"I know, I know."
Tears were soon flowing again on my eyes, wanting to tell the whole
world I was still in love with Paulie. Sometimes, I couldn't figure it
out why am I still in love with this guy, until now.
"I don't know what to say," Travis scooped a spooonful of ice cream on
my bowl, "Just remember, you're with Paolo. You've moved on, right?"
"I'm trying," I said.
"You're not trying hard enough," Travis said, giving me the bowl filled
with strawberry ice cream, trying to convince me. "You'd better try more
harder. Can't you see? Your past is destroying you."
I wanted to nod in agreement, but the idea of forgetting Paulie is a bit
harder than it sounds.
"I'll do it in my own terms." I said.
***
Alex felt totally unfazed about that thing at Fidel last Saturday, him
and Ken Tatlongreyna continued to make the connection with each other.
With that as early as possible, Alex and Ken made a reality check
whether they had emotional baggage existing in their lives.
Fortunately, there was none.
"We're on the second level of the relationship." Alex boasted.
"Is there such as thing as relationship levels?" Travis asked. Then
looked at me for a clearer explanation.
"Don't look at me. I'm no Carrie Bradshaw." I commented.
"There is, trust, intimacy, and most of all honesty." Alex said as he
wrote a few notes on his PDA.
We were at KFC, wanting a dose of chicken frou-frou and more on that
Travis has a thing for that new guy promoting that chicken. One of the
memorable moments of that KFC commercial was the time when the guy
licks off the gravy that dripped on his shirt.
"Absolutely sexy." He said.
"Absolutely gross." Alex said, as he made a imaginary puking sound.
"Absolutely nothing that makes me feel interested by that Greg Martin
guy." I said, feeling a bit cold.
Though, the Greg Martin really loooked hot and even hotter being
one-fifth of the boy band 'Powerboys' Travis knew he wants to make ends
meet and meet Greg Martin.
"Greg Martin really rocks my world." Travis said, as if he could get the
guy and make him a living manifestation of his desire and hot-one-night-
flings.
"Maybe you should put your house on Manila's guide to hotspots," Alex
suggested. "Always open twenty-four-seven."
Come to think of it Travis never really had a long relationship with
anyone. Except that certain someone not long ago.
***
Travis was learning to mix some dance CDs from some really not-so-hot
guy but somehow got the cut because he knows how to make good dance
music. Besides, Travis was feeling a bit musical these days.
"I'm telling you," Travis said. "I've never felt this good since my
last blow job at the zone." He told me once. Right now since getting
all of that DJ stuff he's buying more CDs than ever before.
Travis turned to one surly guy once in a party at Culture Club in Alabang.
He didn't really feel gay that day so he wanted to be overly butch or
something. Nevertheless he was also looking for that homey kind of
love he wanted from well, homies from the southside or whatever that
meant. Though that didn't stop him for looking for a sort of 'homey' kind
of guy willing to grind his way to him.
Oh, I'm overdue, give me some room, coming through. Travis thought.
He was trying to be like Christina Aguilera. Sort of being 'dirrty' but
in a really wholesome way. He wore a black cut-off shirt, the word
'Rock Star' was shining on the front side. He also sported a black bandana
and layered a sporty black Sean John baseball cap. To drop things of, he
wore a black yet silvery pants. Complete? I don't think so. He decided
to go Culture Club alone. But he was looking forward to a swing a bit.
He came inside the bar as if he was the star of the moment. All of the
people inside Culture Club were actually looking at him, staring at
every move he made. He felt like the noticable goldfish in a small
bowl. But who cares? Travis liked it.
"Double vodka tonic, please." He ordered the bartender. The totally
clueless people were still looking at him. If I was there being looked
at, I would feel a bit paranoid. But knowing Travis, he was the looking
sharp as ever.
"Hey, Travis, you stud!" One guy approached him and introduced him as
someone very hardcore hip-hop but still presentable for him. Let's call
him Diddy. With his Sean John threads and cool Timbalands. Our very
own Travis was crossing barriers with music and with the crowd.
"That was it," Travis told me, "Being in another place other than Malate
was really, really cool." and he was loving it. I guess Travis wanted to
break the mold from his social clique. Of course, it was only a one
moment thing, and told us: "I just go to Culture Club solely for the
music. You know."
"Know what?" I asked.
"Knowing hip-hop music is really sexy in a way, and that the sheer idea
of grinding is really great, without the sexual attachment." He said.
But this was different. Diddy was quite curious about Travis' world.
Maybe it was all the sexual thing.
"It was fine for Diddy to come to me to learn a few moves on the bed."
Travis said, "Unlike Ken, he is on a sort of confusion. He's young,
he's frustrated, maybe sexually-deprived. Not that I liked Ken, but when
Alex told me all of their well, shall we call them intimate moments."
And it made me think. The more desperate you are for sex. Will you cross
sexual barriers just for the sake of sexual gratification?
So he hooked up with Diddy. At first the young hipster was a bit
doubting dating a gay guy. He admitted it was his first time to hang out
with one.
"I'm not homophobic, actually, it's totally flattering." Diddy said,
though he was a bit hesitant. But he was taking a risk. He thought the
idea of having an 'older' person to be with. The attachment, the sexual
intimacy, and all the perks of being sexually curious.
Travis went for the subtle approach on putting Diddy in the mood. He
went to lengths to make Diddy enjoy his first gay sexual encounter. Then
we went to Travis' sensual pad. The candle lights, the rose petals, and
with one final note: chocolate.
All of the dripping started the mood. The oozing Hershey's made Diddy's
mouth water. Each time Travis placed his tongue over around Diddy's wide
chest. With each slither the young hipster groaned in sheer ecstasy.
Later on he admitted that their sexual romp was one of the best sexual
encounter he ever had. The next day, Saturday. Diddy was nowhere to be
found back there at Culture Club. Nobody knew where he was or what
happened to him. Except for Travis. He admitted to me that Diddy opened
up his feelings for men. He had a sexual awakening and he really digged
men secretly. Surely, Travis became a sort of a mentor and an older
'fuckbuddy.' So when Diddy gets restless, he just calls him up and do the
romp. With good results.
***
"So if I made out this shirt and place a few incriminating sequins and
a bit of rhinestones. What do you get?" Paolo asked. Showing a black
shirt with torn sides and a bunch of sequins and rhinestones forming a
really cute butterfly.
"A very gay t-shirt." I chuckled, as Paolo tries to humor me in his
usual antics at Tonj. "I can't tell if this is a gay guy shirt or some
slutty girl tee."
"See? I made you smile, you're back to your normal self again." He said.
With another look at the shirt. "It's a unisex shirt. Anyone can wear it."
"I guess."
The hurt about Paulie was still inside. But I kept it real good.
"Paolo, I have to tell you, Paulie really changed my life when we were
still together back then." I started to talk about him. Paolo started
to avert his gaze from the shirt to me. He was actually listening.
"Maybe some things remain and cannot change." I continued. Paolo got the
idea that I was still in-love with Paulie but in a sense that my life
wouldn't be this complicated without him.
"I guess without much of Paulie's guidance in coming out I wouldn't have
met you, the person I want to spend my life with." The burden that was
in my chest felt lifted and that I was breathing better and Paolo with
a small kiss on the cheek understood the situation I'm in to.
"It's hard to forget your first love," he said, his hand gently
carressed mine in hopes of comforting me in my time of dire need.
"I want to have this relationship with you," I said. "For keeps."
"So are we going to Club Mint/Babylon?" Paolo asked.
"Yeah, it's already nine," and I looked around, I realized I didn't
bring an extra shirt to go.
"Well, this shirt could help," as he gave the black shirt with torn sides
and a bunch of sequins and rhinestones forming a really cute butterfly.
"Awww, for me?" I looked at him, as if innocent.
"Yeah, this shirt is totally for you, and only you can pull it off."
"You sure?"
"You know, I always am sure."
***
After an hour at Paolo's pad. We proceeded to our hangout at Malate.
Alex was there with Ken. Travis managed to convince Diddy to go with him
and really get to know the gay scene.
"Papa Jethro!" Travis shouted. He bounced a few people and introduced me
to the just bloomed Diddy. The young hipster managed to bring out a smile
with a more confident way. Which is good.
"Come on, Alex and Ken are waiting for us inside." Paolo remined me.
"Yeah."
To be continued...
************************************
for reactions, critiques please send me an email
at reggietangan@edsamail.com.ph
or visit my website at http://www.reggietangan.cjb.net/joy