I finally got to a meeting room yesterday, one that made me cry to be in because of what it once was to me. Yesterday’s weather was overcast and grey, and few people were there, and not all the lights were on.

It was dim, dark, and despair-filled compared to the other times I had entered that room. And I’m glad it was, since that was a room where I mourned a program friend so profoundly that I wondered then (and now) if people thought I was 13th Stepping with him. Despite the anxiety of knowing I was walking into a room I’d abandoned years ago, it was the best recovery-minded choice I’ve made in years.

After being numb for so long, feelings came back and I had to sit with them. And I am grateful, so humbly grateful, that I went yesterday afternoon.

So I am a fiction writer. Published author, actually, though I strongly doubt you’ve even heard of my pseudonym. No, I’m not here to sell books, I’m here because I drafted a novel manuscript while I was having issues in program a few years ago. I recently found that manuscript and read through it, absorbing the healing power of the fellowship and of program in my life even during an intense period of struggle to surrender.

I wrote it to work a serious program issue I couldn’t resolve because I was too close to the problem. Working recovery through a fictional character helped then. In dusting that manuscript off, I realized it also helps now.

Well, it appears I have reached thirty days of food abstinence, holding to that food plan which lifted me out of a lifetime of obesity (with few short respites) just over seven years ago. And I’ve come to see that without meetings, I’m still having problems.

Today, I’m sick. Allergies turned into a sore throat with a cough, so part of me wants to use food to coat my throat and comfort my sluggish and mopey self. That part of me is the same worn-out self which coaxes me to break abstinence and lie about it, since I am sick today.

I may be sick, but I don’t also have to be weak this 24 hours.

So, for those looking for ESH (experience, strength, and hope) and Good Orderly Direction (without the personal patriarchal capitalized pronouns) to read? Try AAAgnostica.

I hope some day that I can link to an OAAgnostica organization, but I’m grateful today that I’m neither alone as an atheist/agnostic 12-Stepper nor alone as a compulsive eater nor alone as both.

So today is what I consider earns special mention as a Holiday Eating Season day despite being weeks past the official Halloween-to-New-Year’s-Day eating season. For a compulsive eater who has to set confectionery on a trigger-foods list, nowhere is safe.

Okay, so for those who are still trying to get into the acronyms and initialisms of program, HALT is an acronym for Hungry, Angry, Lonely, and Tired. It’s a powerful tool in the 12-Step arsenal. When I feel triggered to act in compulsion (no matter the compulsion), I can stop and consider:

Am I hungry?

Am I angry?

Am I lonely?

Am I tired?

If I say yes to any of them, I know it’s a day which needs more attention to keep me from breaking abstinence.

I’m also grateful that people shared in the comments section of my previous entry, too. There’s a profound loneliness at times, one I think is shared between most (if not all) of us. That sense of isolation–be it our own choice or others’ choice–is . . . well, it’s painful. It also is life-as-written. Accepted as fact. The way that it is, and nothing but a miracle can change it.

The hard part was looking back at the 22 July 2017 entry: Brutal. Oh, and the people who showed up to offer experience, strength, hope, and so much COMPASSION . . .

This morning I wanted to get up and weigh myself, in hopes that I magically lost a lot of weight since I started eating 24 hours at a time. Having lived this before, I know it’s a process. The first time around, I recall having the diet mentality as well. I wanted to reach a goal weight in days, not appreciating that it took time and commitment to program and to this new way of eating.

Keep It Simple JN
Jeannine is a diabetic, a grandmother, a wife of nearly 40 years, and a woman of faith. In program since 2007, she is reaching out and doing service by sharing her experience, strength and hope–Good with God.

Living Too Large
Amy, author of survivingmiddleage, also writes this blog. Great flavorful, low-calorie recipes, personal observations about the journey through food addiction. A must-read for newcomers looking for empathy and guidance.

Philosophy of Weight Management
fredt uses a comprehensive approach to exposing the many facets of food addiction. An excellent resource for expanding one’s knowledge base regarding food and addiction.

Promise Of Recovery
Lauren shares experience, strength, and hope through OA, keeping in mind the promises of recovery and why working it is worth it.

Realistic Recovery
Mike H. is a 12-Stepper who has a rationalist secular approach to program and has done the footwork to make secular recovery easier.

recoverydiscovery
Rock bottom is different for everyone, and L.’s passion to recover from compulsive overeating is as strong as an AA or NA 12-Stepper. L.’s astute observations offer great insight into OA as a spiritual journey more than a physical one.

S U S T A I N A B L Y
Food addict and food activist Michael Prager journeyed from a morbidly obese existence to a purpose-filled life. His weblog exposes the victories of the human spirit over food addiction and the dangers of organizations seeking profit over sustainability.

survivingmiddleage
Artist Amy is at that metaphoric crossroads in her life–middle age. Her approach to life is like a multimedia collage: bright, beautiful, inspired–even in the chaotic spaces. A real life as presented by a real woman artist.

Thank God It's Lunch Time
Overeaters Anonymous member and several-year abstinent Steve discusses the 12 Steps and his experiences as a compulsive overeater in recovery.

Thursday Night Group
FredT, author of Philosophy of Weight Management, discusses a little bit of everything–food, philosophy, program–in this mini-meeting of a weblog.

Yesterday's Excess
Wishful Shrinking offers thoughtful insights into OA recovery, gently challenges us to ask tough questions, and publishes her food plan. An excellent blog to see what an honest, open-minded, and willing OA recovery and abstinence looks like.

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