The Old Grumpies: Looking forward to a grumble, a laugh and the odd gripe. Or two.

We're making the effort this party season...

Published:15:00Friday 02 January 2015

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At our recent meeting we discussed the problems we had at Christmas, reviewed 2014 and outlined our hopes for next year.

The usual situation arose at Christmas when most of us were bought yet more hankies that immediately went in the drawer containing numerous un-opened ones.

What is their point when we keep being told: “Use a tissue”?

We got some after- shave lotion, but if we use it when we go out on our own we are asked who we’ve arranged to meet.

Another area of dissatisfaction at Christmas is the modern way of cooking brussel sprouts.

A one-minute dip in boiling water and then you are eating them almost raw. Apparently a chap called Al Dente recommended this method and he’s a lot to answer for.

We were quite surprised and impressed when one member told us that he had given his wife a thousand pounds as a Christmas present. When asked what she had given him, he eventually replied: “ One thousand pounds”.

Our review of the year concluded that our best article was the one that stated that we had started an Independence for Yorkshire Campaign. We had numerous people asking for details (well nine really) and they all said they would join provided it didn’t cost anything.

We did at one stage think that a member was going to contribute to the cause when some money fell from his pocket onto the floor.

Alas a false hope- it was simply because the chain on his wallet had broken.

We had our usual grumbles about dog-dirt, demolition sites, unattended temporary traffic lights and some local taxi-drivers.

But the word ‘some” has now been changed to ‘most’ who seem to use the version of the Highway Code originally written by Dick Turpin.

Looking forward to next year we hope we can continue to grumble and laugh and hope that the Editor will print more than half of what we write.

We have been impressed by the emergence of UKIP who seem to have one popular policy and few of their supporters seemed bothered about any other policies.

Noting also that a catchy acronym is also essential we have decided to form a group called the Old Grumpies Independent Thought School or the Old GITS and protest about the ridiculous present situation that can best be described as hypocritical correctness.

Who are these self-appointed guardians of propriety who think they are the only people who can decide what we should think and what we are allowed to say?

Who was the daft judge who said that if you think you have been insulted then you have been?

Some of us think that we don’t get the respect we should do, therefore it follows that we don’t, if we apply the same logic.

Anyone who claims that they have been insulted should state exactly how it has affected them, be able to say for certain that what was said was not in fun and prove that they themselves have never insulted anyone. One member recently called another one a “pleb” and was told that unless he withdrew the remark it could cost him £3 million in legal fees

The occupants of the Law Courts and the Press have a lot to answer for in this regard in their pursuit of casual remarks, often made in private and sneaked out by some hypocrite, and made into a big issue. They would be more use to society if they stood on street corners and sold The Big Issue.

We have no resolutions for next year so we can’t break any but we look forward to another year knowing that we live in a lovely area, among lovely, friendly people and we have very little to grumble about.

But we will continue to pretend we have.

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