*Don't think about that now, I chided myself. I mustn't waste the chance to connect with him, to help him find me.*

Always the logical one, our Hermione!

*whatever it took to survive.*

*nods defiantly*

But oh! and that was just the start of things. Meanie! :P

Brilliant as ever!

Author's Response:

::grins:: Yes, logical, though sometimes she can get a bit flustered- which I love about her. She's not perfect, but she's awesome. And, yes, this was just the beginning of it. ::braces self:: I'm sure I'll get quite the finger wagging after the next chapter! hehe.

Thanks so much for reading and reviewing, honey. I love hearing your thoughts about the fic and can't wait to see what you think about the upcoming chapters! *pumpkin pie for you*

::nods with you:: Defiant!Ron is sexy. Oh, heck, who am I kidding- any Ron is sexy! :o)

I'm so glad you enjoyed both the Defiant!Ron and the Vulnerable!Ron aspects of this chapter. I think one of my favourite things about DH was how open Ron was with Harry about his feelings toward Hermione. Not over the top, but there was no denial. That's how I always thought they would be, talking about their girls.

::winces:: You're definitely getting closer to the darker parts of the story. ::hugs:: I'll console you when you're done.

Thanks for reading and reviewing, sweetie! I'm so happy you're reading this and enjoying it. ::huge hugs:: *cheesecake for you*

AACK! What's wrong??? (I'm referring to the last few lines.) I'm so glad she was able to get over her initial reaction to Ron and let him back in, but she's bound to have those reactions for a while. Poor things! I'm so glad you updated, hon!

Author's Response: Hey, Beth! Thanks so much for reading and reviewing; I really appreciate it! It's going to be a struggle for a bit to try to get those feelings under control, but there is healing ahead. After I update my other fic, I'll be back on this one, so there won't be as long as wait between chapters as last time! Thanks again! *pecan pie for you*

that was devestating and disorienting and all the things i'm sure you intended for it to be.

heart breaking to see ron so broken too. to see him not trusted as much as she's trying to.

it will probably get worse before it gets better, but i'm still wanting to know what comes next.

Q

Author's Response:

Q, thank you so much for reading and reviewing! Your opinion means so much to me, and I'm thrilled you are connecting with it. I'm also glad that it felt disorienting and devastating and heart breaking and all of those things- coming from Hermione's POV, I wanted it to feel like we were stuck there with her. Only a couple more chapters and then there's some more light!

Oh gosh!!! Poor Hermione! I can't imagine how awful and traumatic those dreams are!! And poor Ron!! She got past the issues with Ginny and Neville, but because of her abuse, she's still not there with him, and you can tell it's breaking his heart! *sob*

And what is wrong?!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I need to know!!

Fabulous chapter!! And happy anniversary! *winks*

Author's Response:

Shannon, thank you so much for your wonderful review and for reading! I really appreciate it and I'm so happy that you enjoyed it! Yes, the dreams are terrible, but I swear there is healing up ahead. ::sobs with you:: My poor, dear Ron is really getting a hard end of this- damn muse!

Oh man! I just thought of this story the other day!!! I am SO glad that you updated. WHAT does he have to tell her? He said before that there was no damage to her reproductive organs, right? So they looked at them and saw a pregnacy?! Please please update soon so that I'll know what he tells her!!

Author's Response: Hi TaMara! Wow, thanks for the fabulous review! :o) Well, you know I can't tell you what he has to tell her yet, but you'll get hints of it in the next chapter and it will be in the chapter after that. Yep, I'm a planner, so I know it's coming up soon in the outline! I promise, it's not going to be withheld just for the sake of it- it's coming up. I'm trying to finish an update on my other fic and then I'll be back on this one. Thanks again for the great review! *chocolate chip cookies for you*

Author's Response: Yes, I know, that wasn't very nice of me. But at least I updated! :o) I promise, you won't have to wait as long as last time! Thanks for reading and reviewing- I really appreciate it! ::hug:: *creme brulee for you*

It's been so wonderful to hear from you and know you're alive and well. I sent you an email but didn't hear back and thought you must be swamped with work!

I told you this when you asked on your review of Stronger Than Me, but there is definitely an update for Wake Me on the way. My wonderful beta has the most recent chapter and it should go up within the next week. I really hope it's worth the wait!

I hope to talk to you really soon, hon. ::big hugs and kisses:: Thanks again!!!

Risie my love, I'm going to pester you and pinch and prod and poke until you put up a new chapter. You are absolutely killing me with where you have left this and I can't believe you've left us for so long.

I know you're busy and have had a lot going on for you. I know that and I respect that and I wouldn't want you to exhaust yourself any more than you already are. I've emailed you about taking care of yourself, so this doesn't negate that at all.

However, I want a new chapter so badly that I can't hardly breathe and I may resort to going back to the posted chapters and reading over and over and over again. Either that or I may take a trip to Southern California (and you know I live close enough that it' not just an idle threat) to make you write another one. Or I'll call Jeff and make him force you to sit down and write. hehe.

Okay, all joking aside, I just re-read this chapter and still love it and am still in suspense so will you please end my suffering soon? Love and kisses and all that, ~JEN

Author's Response:

My darling Jen, you never fail to put a smile on my face!

::hangs head:: I know I totally need to get my butt in gear and get another chapter of each of the fics up soon. If it makes you feel any better, I've got about 2,000 words written on the next chapter of Wake Me.

This story is just so draining to write and I haven't had the energy- physically and emotionally- to get through the next chapter. I promise it is coming and that I haven't abandoned it at all. Of course, you already know that, because I've emailed you. ::wink::

Perhaps you can ask Jeff very nicely if he will light a fire under me. I'm hoping to have the new chapter out as soon as possible, and I'll definitely let you know once it's done.

Oh! Yes! Because just the prospect of continuing the will we/won't we with Ron is so worth getting up for! *nods*

*Suddenly Ron looked up and I felt for an instant that I had reached him. Ron reached out for me, but at that moment he faded from my view. I tried desperately to picture him again, to Apparate back to him, but my efforts were in vain.*

Meep! *sigh* He'll find you, Hermione! *glares defiantly* He will!

I really like your Hermione inner voice, it's proud and defiant to anyone who thinks she can't look after herself, (okay I know she gets kidnapped but I'm not blaming her for that! She needs to daydream about Ron to keep her going!)

So now she's in a cell, why do I get the feeling she's going to be there a while and yo're going to have nasty things happen to her?

Nice one mate! ;)

Author's Response:

Hi Steppy! :o) ::big hugs::

Yes, you and I really are quite the angst-whores er... queens, aren't we? So glad the angst is working for you, though I have the feeling I'll have to hide from you once you start reading later chapters!

Thank you for the compliments on Hermione's inner voice- I think we both have similar views (and love!) of her and I'm so pleased that you're enjoying my interpretation/characterization of her. Unfortunately, you're right- I do have some horrible nasty things that are going to be done to Hermione, but I promise she'll survive!

Thanks again for reading and reviewing! I'm so excited that you're following this fic and I really value your thoughts/opinions. *peppermint patties for you*

Yes, I really throw you all in for the beginning and you've got a long while to go before there's any respite. I'm so glad you're liking Ron's thoughts and speech intertwined!!! It's one of the things I like best about 1st person! :o) Once you get further into the fic, you should definitely stop and read something fluffy before bed (or perhaps write another chapter of Together Forever!)...

Thanks again for reading and reviewing- your thoughts mean a lot to me. ::hugs:: *ben and jerry's cherries garcia ice cream for you*

Hi, Risie!Wow, I finally managed to read the chapter and I loved every bit of it! The feelings were so strong and the way you described them made me feel as though I was living all that. Your ability to write is a powerful gift as I said in my email. I’m really sad for Ron. Poor guy! He has so great expectations towards his eminent romance with the love of his life. He’ll have to learn to love this Hermione too, because she is a different person now. You can’t live all that and stay the same. I just hope that she can find the courage and the strength to overcome all this and become a better person, a stronger person, and still in love with Ron, her Ron.Congrats once more!Kisses,Aline

Author's Response:

Hi Aline! Oh, it's always so lovely to hear from you (especially our emails!)- thank you so much for reviewing to let me know your thoughts!

Ron really does have great expectations, but I think reality is beginning to settle in a bit for him. You're absolutely right: they've been through too much for it to ever be the same again, but it can still be something wonderful, you know? They both will have a lot of healing and growing to do, but if they do it together, they will have the chance to still see some of the spark they recognize in the other- at least that's the plan!

Thank you again for reading and leaving such a lovely review. I'm so glad you enjoyed the chapter and it resonated with your feelings- it's very heart-warming to hear! ::hugs you:: *angelfood cake for you*

I loved Ron changing the colors of the walls for her! What a clever idea. I also loved how he needed to touch her, to assure himself that she was still alive. Anyone who has nearly lost someone can identify with that kind of emotiona and it felt like such a genuine reaction:

//I marvelled at the realisation that she really was in front of me, that she wasn’t going to slip through my fingers again. My hand tentatively reached out to touch her, to feel her against my skin, to hold the evidence of her presence in my palm. //

HE LOVES HER, HE LOVES HER, HE LOVES HER!!!!!!!! WOO-HOO!!!!!! I just love the parts where you describe him feelings for her. They are so genuine and raw and honest. You have such a way with these kinds of words to convince us of his love.

//I’m in bed with Hermione. Holy Merlin, I’m in bed with Hermione! This feels so right, so real. I’m going to have this someday- I won’t stop until she’s mine. I can’t let her go.//

And the way that he tells her he is in love with her is just so classically Ron, you know? It's this perfect characterization of him just rambling a bit and it slipping out. I can easily picture it happening this way, though JKR will never let him curse:

//I tried to tell you that I love you and I know I’ve said it since then, but you couldn’t fucking hear it. You actually covered my mouth when I started to tell you I’m in love with you.”

I finally did it! I can’t believe I finally said it!

I took a deep breath and tried to calm my heart which was beating out of control. I had dreamed of the day when I could finally tell Hermione that I was in love with her.//

Was she having a sex dream? Or was she just wiggling around because she was having a nightmare? I'm thinking she was having a sex dream and somehow knew Ron was in bed with her. But then it turned into a nightmare? The way that Ron was so tender with her and was able to comfort her in her sleep was beautiful. we should all be so lucky as too hav someone love us like this:"

//Her body began to shake and I pulled my left arm to brace her head gently, so it wouldn’t move too much. I scooted her body as close to mine as possible and hooked my arm around her stomach, holding her tightly. Her body under my arm felt tense and she was shaking lightly. I rubbed my hand over her abdomen softly and whispered into her ear.

“It’s okay, love. I’m here. You’re safe, I’m safe, and we’re both alive. Harry and Ginny are both okay, too.” I caressed the top of her head, and smoothed her curls, willing her to hear me and know she was safe. //

Oh, but the end was another heartbreaker. I know she's confused and still thinks its a dream or thinks she's still with the death eater, but it's just so painful. I wish there was a way to change it!!!!!! This was just so hard to read:

“Don’t come any closer! I may not have a wand, but I’m certain I can hurt you,” she screamed at me. //

These two have such a long road ahead of them. I can't begin to think about the recovery they have ahead of them. Actually, it's not even recovery yet, because Hermione is still being traumatized, not knowing whether or not she's still kidnapped. She might think the room was just chnaged so she would be fooled into thinking she was sade. Who knows? I'm really looking forward to the next chapter from her point of view. It should help to tie up a lot of questions that I have for you.

So, after all of my very long reviews, I would just like to thank you again for writing a story that has so much meanging and feeling and heart and pain. It must be so difficult to write, but it makes such an impact. Sure, fluff is nice and so is smut, but this has plot and flawed characters and broken dreams and it's so beautiful. I'm awed by you.

Author's Response:

Hey Jen!

Wow, I'm just continously blushing and grinning over this latest fantastic review! It is so humbling and inspiring to be able to read your words and to hear your connection with the fic. I can't begin to express my happiness, my contentment, and my sincerest appreciation for your support, comments, and thoughts on the story as a whole. For that, and so much more, I thank you.

Yes, he's finally told her and she can't force him to take it back or cover his mouth to stop him. She was having a very vivid dream, and Ron was a star in it, but I don't want to give the beginning of the next chapter away. So, you'll get to see what that was all about at the beginning of the next chapter.

The end really was just another stab, wasn't it? I hadn't intended for it to end so harshly and painfully, but that's how my muse wanted it to end up. As with the previous chapter, I did a lot of re-working before my beta even got to see it, because I wanted something different. However, it kept coming back to what you read, so I decided to go with it.

There's a long, long road of pain, then healing and recovery ahead for them. The next chapter is from Hermione's point of view, and it should help to explain several things, as well as begin winding down this fic. Feel free to leave any questions you have and I'll answer the ones I'm able to.

I'm so touched by your huge amount of support on this story. To hear that you've been impacted and that you're enjoying the plot, the broken dreams, and the flawed characaters is so heart-warming and gratifying. I'm so grateful to you for all of your support, reviews, comments, and just for your caring. It means so much to me!!!

Thank you so much for everything! ::hugs:; *apple pie a la mode for you*

Another fantastic example of the sibling relationshiop and the great characterization of Ginny as warm and caring. I loved the section with the panic attack!!!!!!! It was terrifying and it made me breath deeply throughout it, but it was so accurate.

//I had the strangest sensation of tingles running through my chest, and my chest began to feel twinges of pain.

I continued to stare blankly at Ginny, wondering why I couldn’t seem to move, except for the continuing jerks and spasms of my aching muscles. I could tell that Ginny was still trying to talk to me, but my mind couldn't process what she was saying. The voice was calm, but concerned, seeming constant, repetitive, stable. I wanted to hold onto her voice, to somehow put a rope around it and let her pull me in to safety. I’m trying, Gin. I’m trying.

She placed a sandwich in my hand and I noticed its weight. I felt the warmth and softness of the bread. I wanted to eat it, but couldn’t force my muscles to obey me. My body gave me two options: to sit here numbly and merely exist, or to rush back into the room and hold Hermione tightly and never let her go again. I have to see her. I can’t just sit here. But, I can’t move! Anything in between those options simply didn’t exist in my mind’s understanding of the situation. //

I love that you included the viseral reactions, as well as the odd tactile attention that comes with a panic attack. During a panic attack, you notice small things and it feels like you're outside your body, but you can feel everything so much more deeply than usual. It came across really well in this section. She's such a pro at taking care of him! In a lot of fics, Ginny is portrayed as a healer and it suits her. you haven't done that, but you've showed up how she would easily fit into that role:

//She firmly put her hand below mine and raised the sandwich to my lips... I managed to finish the sandwich, Ginny prodding me lightly the entire time. The world seemed to be spinning, a never-ending merry-go-round of blurry visions and muffled sounds.

Ginny placed a paper sack in my hands and raised it in front of my mouth and nose. I breathed deeply into it and began to feel some of the dizziness and cloudiness in my brain diminishing. She kneeled between my knees in front of me and gripped my upper arms, taking long and deep breaths herself. She was still talking and I dimly became aware of her telling me to match my breaths to hers and to stare into her eyes.

My eyes locked with her brown eyes. Much lighter than Hermione’s, I thought absent-mindedly. Ginny’s words echoed hollowly in my mind as I mimicked her actions. Take a deep breath in, push the air out, slowly, slowly, deep breath in, push the air out, slowly, slowly. Good. As I continued to breathe into the sack, I released my left hand away to grasp at the steady, warm palm on my arm. I clutched her fingers tightly, beginning to come back to myself.//

The amount of care and love you have been able to show between these two is so amazing to me!!!!! I love how simply you show their relationship. It doesn't feel forced, it doesn't feel likt you're exaggeratng their bond. It feels very much like the parts of their relationship that we often don't get to see, because the canon is not from Ron's point of view.

//I should owl the office to make sure they all made it back safely,” I said, not wanting to go any further away from Hermione until I was able to see her alive for my own eyes.

“No need to- didn’t you feel your phoenix? Of course, you wouldn’t have in the middle of an anxiety attack, would you? One of the Order members used it to let us know they made it out fine.”

I breathed a sigh of relief and said a silent prayer of thanksgiving that my family had gotten out safely. They’re just tying up loose ends. I had forgotten about the small phoenix feather tattoos Hermione had insisted that every member of the Order get on our right shoulders, similar to the Dark Mark that Voldemort used to communicate with the Death Eaters. Brilliant, that woman is, I thought for the millionth time in my life.//

Very, very, very cool idea!!!!!!! I'm surprised I haven't read that anywhere yet. I love the idea that Hermione took an existing way to communicate- like the dark mark, and turned it into something so positive!!! Wow!!

Author's Response:

Hi Jen!

The panic attack scene seems to be getting a lot of attention, because it does seem real. Both personally and professionally, I have dealt with panic attacks. They are scary and almost indescribable to someone who has never had one. I'm sorry to hear that perhaps you know about this as well??

Ginny is really often portrayed as a healer and I tend to like her in that role as well. However, in this series, I wanted to try something a little different. Despite that, it still seemed fitting for her to be a caretaker in some way- she's the only sister to 6 brothers, as well as having Molly as a role model. It would surprise me if she wasn't able to care in this way.

I'm so glad the sibling relationship continues to work for you and that it feels natural. :o)

I really liked the idea of the phoenix feather too!! It was something I had been trying to work into the fic since the very beginning, but could never find a moment to slip it in without it seeming odd. I was so happy to be able to get the chance to do that!

I'm still reeling from your fabulous reviews. Do you spoil everyone else like this too?? ::hug:: *rice kripsy treats for you*

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