"Life is an adventure if you spend it with the right people. "

Month: May 2017

I feel like a fraud when you tell me who calm I seem. The truth is I’m so far from having it together.

So even though I may be chilled when I get around the corner to school that’s because I already lost my shit over the breakfast table. The kids wouldn’t eat and as we were up late I was feeling bad that I should have got up earlier. I felt bad that I had to rush them to eat breakfast but not as bad as I would have felt had I took them to school with no food.

I may look like my kids are dressed well but the truth is I forget to wash last night and the last jumper they had was covered in some kind of stain about 20 mins ago but I scrubbed it with the dishcloth and it’s actually still wet in places!

My daughter’s hair is in a French plait this morning, however, that’s because she slept in it last night!

I may look like I am ok with this twin mothering stuff but in actual fact, I’ve spent most of today in tears or shouting because I have so much going on in my life at the moment that I’m not handling anything very well.

After half term I may look like I have it together, however, I will be feeling guilty that I’ve wasted the half term anxious and upset with myself!

I will have plans on being a better mum during the 6 weeks when in reality I will be almost full term in this pregnancy and fighting against fatigue and anxiety again!

I may look like I have my shit together, look calm, but inside my head is swimming and my heart pounding and it’s all I can do some days to get my kids to school on time just so I can have a hot cuppa and not play referee for the day!

Some days I’m that late my kids run in without even saying bye, then I spend half the morning worrying about them. worrying that if something happened to me or them that I never hugged them when they went into school that morning!

So Thank you for saying I seem like the calm mum who has it together but in reality, I’m really fighting the same battle as other mums on the school run!

Converting an old bus and travelling around Britain & Europe.

I’m not sure if it’s my hormones or that I’ve started following people on Instagram & facebook that lives a “simpler life” but I’m constantly dreaming of buying an old bus and converting it for our family to travel & sleep in.

Here is an inspiration board of my ideas.

I love the idea of being able to lay in my bed and see a view like this

With two more children on the way, we would need a lot of sleeping space I love this idea!

So armed with my Pinterest board of ideas I now need to see if I can find a bus to convert!

I’m thinking we could take a year out to travel Europe!

I love the idea of living simply for a while, Living with less stuff, spending time together!

Visiting places on our bucket list, spending time at the beach, living more outdoors!

I’m not sure of the places we will visit. maybe I’ll need a new Pinterest boards for the actual road trip!

Back at the beginning of the year I had such plans for my blog and vlog.

I had even wrote up ideas in my planner.

But then something happened.

Something that has had me feeling ill for a while.

Something that sent my anxiety soaring.

Something wonderful and nerve wracking at the same time.

Two lines

I’m now just over 20 weeks and I’ve just got back from our 20 week scan.

The reason I’ve been keeping it a secret is im not sure how I felt about this pregnancy.

I feel ashamed as yes we took the decision to stop using contraception to “see what happened”

To have J & M we had 5 years of trying followed by being pushed here there and everywhere for fertility treatments and then finally after a round of fertility drugs we had a big fat positive.

Anyway with morning sickness and extreme fatigue we booked for an early scan to make sure the pregnancy was valid and I joked to make sure there’s only one this time.

The sonograper had only just turned the screen around………

F**k

F**k is exactly what I said. Then proceeded to cry.

Yes that two sacks. Two foetus. Two heart beats!!!!

Omg not again.

Last time was so hard.

Two more means a new car. A double pushchair. And missing out on all the things I missed out on last time because there are things I couldn’t do with 2. Like swimming, like sling carrying. Like having one to one time. Even baby massage and playgroups were an issue.

As I said I’ve just been for my 20 week scan. And I’m still not sure it’s sunk in.