The sausage diaries has been quiet for way too long as life is madly busy but I’ve been spurred into blogging by the seasonal images of The Elf on the Shelf which are appearing across the internet.

For those of you that don’t know of this phenomenon it’s a small toy elf with slightly creepy staring eyes that you have to put around the house in a different place each night. The kids it seems think the elf is real and that it positions itself about the house – wherein lies the magic of Christmas (or so say the reviews on Amazon…)

This reminded me of a time a few years ago when I lived in Australia in a shared flat with Brits, Aussies and Canadians and, following a few too many “tinnies” one day, myself and a mate purchased some Gnomes which we proceeded to use to “surprise” one another when it was least expected. Gnomes turned up in your bed, lying on the kitchen floor surrounded by the debris of a drinking bender, waiting for you in a row at the top of the stairs looking annoyed when you came in late at night and other scenarios that were slightly more x-rated ! Suffice to say we had hours of fun with them – one of them even ended up backpacking further afield for some considerable time. Mind you being china there was always going to be the odd casualty .. but we did of course hold a memorial service !

In fairness our Gnomes were used the interests of comedy but such things could always be used in a less benevolent manner. My Mum used to talk about a distant relative in Wales that slowly sent his wife insane by moving the garden gnomes around. Every time she went into the garden the gnomes were looking at her … always staring at her, no matter where she was … a situation that got more and more disturbing as time went on.

I’m thinking there may be a few kids who are slightly freaked out my the Elf on the Shelf idea. My daughter just informed me that she wouldn’t like it much if she woke up and the Elf was looking right at her. A comment I found ironic from someone that has an army of cuddly toys staring at her from every conceivable angle in her bedroom …. like an insane M15 surveillance campaign .. but with snuggly fur and cute names…

I actually think the elf thing is fun but my main concern is the restraint you would have to show as a parent to be neither incredibly childish nor entirely twisted when coming up with ideas! Personally I can barely be relied upon to be something sensible when the little one comes home armed with the Classroom Toy and it’s diary. Photo below is a case in point ….

Frankly it goes without saying that if there were an Elf in this house I’d be up to all sorts of creative nonsense along the lines of this blog of inappropriate images ….. perhaps I should get one of the little fellas after all ?