From Phantom to Awakens – A Star Wars Review: Episode I

In this review series, I will be taking a look at all of the Star Wars movies, both the original trilogy and the new one. These reviews will be a personal project to help celebrate the release of Episode VII on December 18th. I will be going in episode order to help with continuity… Even though it’s been messed up.

Today, I am reviewing Star Wars: The Phantom Menace.

Episode I

The Phantom Menace.

–

Turmoil has engulfed the

Galactic Republic. The taxation

of trade routes to outlying star

systems is in dispute.

–

Hoping to resolve the matter

with a blockade of deadly

battleships, the greedy Trade

Federation has stopped all

shipping to the small planet of Naboo.

–

While the Congress of the

Republic endlessly debates

this alarming chain of events,

the Supreme Chancellor has

secretly dispatched two Jedi

Knights, the guardians of

peace and justice in the

galaxy, to settle the conflict….

–

Like every other human in the world at the time, I was extremely excited when it was announced that a new Star Wars movie was going to be coming out in 1999, though I will admit, I was kind of confused that it was a prequel. As a kid, I was always more curious to know what happened after the fall of the Empire since I always imagined that there were at least some pockets of the Empire left around in the galaxy far, far away.

I know for a fact that I wasn’t the only one who was confused as to why they were calling it an episode instead of the movie name. Star Wars, the first one, was called just that… Star Wars, despite the crawl at the beginning saying “Episode IV: A New Hope.” Hell, even Empire was called “The Empire Strikes Back” instead of “Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back.“

Looking back, we now know that we should have seen that as a warning sign. But, we didn’t know any better. It was a new ‘Wars! We were happy! We accepted the change and eagerly awaited the movie…

Opening day, first showing, theaters all across America and the world were filled with one big extended family of die-hard Star Wars fans, clad in cosplay, with lightsabers in hand. The lights dimmed. The Lucasfilm logo appears and a massive applause roars!

After the credits roll, life-long fans walk out of the cinemas disappointed and confused. Some feel that George Lucas lost his magic, while others vow to defame him on the BBS’s, claiming that he went as far as to violate their childhoods.

But, how did this happen? Was The Phantom Menace really bad enough to claim that Lucas violated childhoods?

It depends on who you ask.

Some say that George Lucas is the god of that universe, and let his artistic vision be his will.

Others say that he had a duty to the established universe and the fans, and to change what has already come before is nothing more than heresy.

Let’s take a look, not only as a life long Star Wars fan, but also as a fan of science fiction.

The crawl has always set the back story for the films. Those flying words have always been a blessed sight for so many for so long. In the beginning of Episode I, we find out that taxes on trade routs appear to be the main focus of the film. That, and the Congress of the Republic being bogged down by politics. Are we really suppose to believe that something as trivial as a blockade on a small planet warrants the intervention of Jedi? How does this set the stage for the title of this episode? Is the “Phantom Menace” going to be a swing vote or something?

Already, as a Star Wars fan, the crawl has totally lost me. In “A New Hope,” the crawl made sense. We had an idea of what was going on and what to possibly expect. But trade tax and politics? Ok, whatever. I’m here and I paid good money to see this. And it’s still early on…

We found out in Empire, Yoda was the Jedi master who instructed Obi-Wan in the ways of the Force. So, if that is young Obi-Wan, why is he calling Qui-Gon master? Wait, what?! You’re telling me that Obi-Wan lied to a dying Luke on Hoth! No! No no no no! This is all totally wrong!?!?

Maybe I’m getting too personal with this so far. I mean, taxation of trade routs needing Jedi, maybe… But changing who was old Ben Kenobi’s Master when it was clearly established decades before this film, that’s crossing a line! *deep breath*

I know what you may be thinking, “Yes. We know all this! But is that the ONLY reason why Episode I sucked?!”

Well, for one, the rendering for all of the CGI characters like Boss Nass and *shutters* Jar Jar Binks were total crap compared to other CGI characters of the time. I mean, the movie Stewart Little came out in 1999 and that looked more believable!

Another failing of Episode I was the acting. By themselves, all of the actors from Phantom Menace are good actors who are capable of delivering captivating lines that keep you on the edge of your seat. But, for whatever reason, the line deliveries in this movie, with the exception of a few, were overly monotone and lacked appropriate pauses. Hells fire, a Shatner pause or two at key points could have made some scenes believable! An example would be the scene where Queen Amidala is talking to Senator Palpatine after it was announced that he was one of three who were nominated to succeed as Chancellor. Palpatine promises that, if elected, he would put an end to corruption within the Senate. Amidala then voices her concern, “I fear by the time you have control of the bureaucrats, Senator, there will be nothing left of our cities, our people, our way of life…” Written out, the commas add pauses. But, the spoken line by Natalie Portman was so monotone and lacked any dramatic influential pauses! The whole film is filled with lines delivered like this! I understand that as a Queen, she needs to maintain some symbolical of emotional control. But, if your entire planet was facing starvation, you would put inflections on the words to make sure that the gravity of the situation was clearly understood.

Perhaps the number one thing that upset fans the most is what happened to the main mythos of the Star Wars universe. The energy field that is created by all living things that binds the galaxy together. I’m talking about the Force. We all know the word I am going to say and the feelings it brings up…

Midi-Chlorians.

We were raised to believe that The Force could be felt by everyone, and that we are all connected through the Force. Anyone could be trained to use some level of the Force, either as Jedi or Sith, and if we can silence our minds enough, we could hear the Will of the Force. Nowhere in our childhood was it ever explained that bacteria in our blood tell us the Will of the Force. People have even gone to the length to say that Midi-Chlorians ARE the Force just to spite George Lucas. I can understand this. Like everyone else, I was upset at this, and I am still upset.

I can’t be a Jedi because my blood test says my Midi-Chlorian level is too low and I won’t be able to hear the Will of the Force.

And, in the end, that one sentence can pretty much sum up how a lot of people feel about Episode I.

But, there is some good…

As a work of science fiction, The Phantom Menace was pretty okay. For the most part, the visuals were good, especially the establishing scene of Naboo’s capital city of Theed. The technology that the Gungans used to fight the droid army was rather impressive for an indigenous species. The pod race was actually pretty cool, and it gave us the N64 game Pod Racer which is actually fun. Also, we get to see what the Republic capital of Coruscant looks like for the first time on screen.

I think it’s a safe bet to say that Star Wars: The Phantom Menace will go down in history as the absolute worst Star Wars movie in history. It went against, no, totally ignored all established canon that came before it. The only reason I own a copy, to be perfectly honest, is to complete my movie collection. It’s sad that this film has so few good points to it compared to its bad. With Star Wars, you would think that it would have been a brilliant work of art. but, sadly, its blood test came back, and it can’t be a Jedi.

3 Responses

[…] more about Anakin, I would like to take some time to talk about the movie as a whole. I know I gave Episode I an extremely bad review. We all did. But, in some ways, Episode II made Episode I look as good as Episode III (my personal […]