New York blends the gift of privacy with the excitement of participation. Here is New York, E.B.White, 1949 [Taschen, "365 Day-by-Day New York Calendar"]

Step 61 - Find Your Lifestyle
As I said in one of my recent posts – the world has changed and the way we live has changed. I honestly think it’s time to reevaluate some ideas and solutions about the life we want to l...

Do you even want to get married?
I’ve been thinking a lot about marriage recently (not about my own), because suddenly I spend a lot of time talking to married guys (just as friends). And I started to come...

Choose Your Own Relationship
I’m single so – naturally – I do think about guys and relationships. I’ve been thinking a lot of what type of a guy would actually make me want to be in a relationship. An...

What’s The Best Dating Advice?
There are plenty of advisors on the dating scene – there are videos and articles about every aspect of dating, with all these great pieces of advice: “What to do on a date,&rd...

Step 56 - Getting You Off The Hook.
I’ve done some thinking recently and tried to figure out the basic way people come up with an excuse. It’s a broad topic, but I’ve mostly experienced one response from variety o...

Williamsburg Is Over
Summer’s almost here, so I decided to take a walk in Williamsburg, and it just reassured me that… thinks are really over for this neighborhood. I moved to Greenpoint (a sister neighb...

Where is love?
Love has been on my mind recently (and probably has been unconsciously for a while now) and I started thinking about where to find it. I know it’s a pretty odd thing (...

Men and Sex

What is it that men want when it comes to sex…? The thing is: they want to have everything. Including a virgin. That’s the funniest part. I didn’t have a lot of sex in my life (comparing to my gay friends, that is), but I had few encounters and it’s always the same pattern. They want you, because “you’re sexy”, you have this sexual tension that indicates that “you would know what to do”. In other words – they feel that you’re experienced. What they do next, when they finally get your number, they ask you in text messages what do you like (in bed). They want you to describe it, they will text you back how much they liked it and what they would do to you – that means – they will text you exactly what you want to hear and ask you if you like it (it happens with all of them). They get you excited. They make you think that it will be all about you, that you’re the most important and they really want you to “feel good”. Yeah, right…

Here is my question: what’s all of this? What’s the point of this game? Because then another pattern happens. You meet with a guy and… it’s rarely about you. Some of them will even try, especially the first time you meet, to deliver what they promised, but the problem is that… they can’t wait to make themselves happy. I heard that it’s very important for guys to satisfy women, that they do feel “less of a man” if they don’t do it, but what I also noticed is that satisfying themselves is sometimes more important for them. But they all ask at the end: Did you finish…? And are surprised if the answer is: “Not really”. They’re all surprised. So you didn’t even notice? I do get it, we both want to be satisfied, of course! But why do they brag about being able to do it if they don’t even know how to deliver… or if they are not even planning on delivering…? That’s one thing.

The second thing is that they don’t really want to hear that you ever had sex before. In other words – they want a virgin. A virgin that happens to be experienced, to be specific. And it doesn’t occur to them that it’s just impossible. What’s this whole thing about not having sex partner before? Is your ego aching? So… what is it exactly that you want? I don’t mind that a guy I met up with had other girls before. In fact, I’m happy he had them, because he’ll be more experienced. Shouldn’t you be happy that the girl you’re about to have sex with will know what to do? It’s so weird. We can’t all pretend that “we’ve never done it” or “we’re fine with whatever comes”. No, we want hot stuff and we want someone who will not only get us excited, but also will be able to deliver. That’s the truth. No one truly wants to have sex with a virgin. It sounds great in theory, but the practical part of it’s not that exciting at all. If you wanted sex with a virgin, you wouldn’t watch all the porn you do, guys.

Women love sex as much as men do (I wrote about it on Just Like NY already) and we want to experience great things, too. We won’t wait and save ourselves for “the one”, because it might take a while for “the one” to show up. So we try what comes our way – sometimes for fun, sometimes hoping for something more, but guys – most of the time we expect more than you provide. If you say you focus on us, you better do. I’m not saying that every guy are guilty of the pattern I described in this post, but the vast majority is. And no, we’re not OK with just “you wanted us and we just had sex”. We’re also disappointed and will think twice about seeing you again (maybe *that’s* why she didn’t text you, huh?). And yes, we will talk about your performance if we feel like it – the same way you do with your buddies. And you don’t always get the highest scores, so be aware of that. Women do talk the same language you guys do. We want more, we want something that we can smile about every time we think about it. Challenge accepted…?