Want a Crew Like Girls? Here’s How to Get It

In the new HBO show Girls the friendships portrayed on screen are the star of the show. Yet, seven years down the line - what are the odds these women will all still be pals? Past research from Utrecht...

In the new HBO show Girls the friendships portrayed on screen are the star of the show. Yet, seven years down the line - what are the odds these women will all still be pals? Past research from Utrecht University indicates that women cycle through half of their friends every seven years! And that's kind of an alarming, especially if you can't imagine yourself ever separating from your current crew.

So what happens, exactly? Often it seems that we drift apart — and there’s usually a good reason for that. Our personalities evolve, we develop different interests, people move across the country and a whole slew of other life events pull us apart and shift our priorities. And while it’s easy to feel guilty when you and an old pal start to go separate ways, it’s important not to beat yourself up! There simply aren’t enough hours in the day to stay close to everyone you’ve befriended over the years. You’ll stay close with those you truly care about, but other friends will come and go throughout life.

And remember: there’s no right answer to how many friends you should have, how long you should stay in touch with them or how often you should hang out. It’s much more a measure of what feels right to you. Ask yourself: Do I feel satisfied with my friendships? Do I look forward to hanging out with them (whether you have 2 friends or 25)? If you feel uncertain, look into joining a new sports team, signing up for an art class or simply ringing up an old pal you’ve let drift away. If the answer is yes – great! Cherish those friendships and try to spend quality time with them whenever you can.

Dr. Catherine Birndorf is a psychiatrist specializing in women’s health, founding director of the Payne Whitney Women’s Program at New York-Presbyterian Hospital in NYC, co-author of The Nine Rooms of Happiness and SELF’s Happiness Expert.

Got an issue with your job, your boyfriend or your roommate? Dr. Birndorf can help! Write to her, and her advice for you could appear in a future blog or issue of SELF.