Thursday, February 23, 2006

I'm going through this long, drawn out process of letting go of an intern... basically it's taking a good week and a half from the day i knew i had to let her go until the process is going to be completed (that's the university for you). she graduated from a local high school and was a participant in our program. she also has been an intern for about five years now. we actually started out as interns together. we never became good friends or anything and when i got my career spot i kind of inherited her as an intern form the previous coordinator.

have really mixed emotions right now. her four years with us were kind of messed up-- basically i'm the first supervisor who has held her accountable. since she has been my intern she has done some bad things that i have called her on repeatedly (like being late, not documenting stuff, or lying on time sheets). what she is being let go for is basically speaking her mind to the principal in an extremely rude and arrogant manner in front of students.

did she behave inappropriately? yes, i totally believe that. actually, i was appalled when i heard what she said to the principal. it also jeopardized our program's presence at the school. do i feel like "the man"? a bit. i feel like i am silencing her and her politics. as someone who has felt frustrated w/ the University and silenced by the delicate and apolitical space in which outreach sits, this situation is making me squirm. she is not being let go for the content/ politics of what she said but for WHEN and HOW she said it (and breaking a lot of program protocal). is there a difference? i often feel like, "wtf do i have to watch my words around (enter privileged location here)! Why do people tiptoe around these issues?” hmm, actually in my opinion what the principal did makes sense to me. I don’t feel like she was creating an injustice in the school. And the principal clearly told my intern what the new policies are and why they are in place. But my opinion probably doesn’t matter right? Anyway, I still feel shitty for letting her go (but is that my Asian womanness shying away from conflict? CURSES!) okay, mainly I’m just wondering if I’m participating in political silencing. I’m really unsure right now.

even though i know i have given her more supervision than any one else in the last four years, in general i've been feeling like i haven’t been there enough for my four interns. I’ve been spread too thin between school, working with my seniors, sitting on committees and trying to support my staff. i'm def still on the learning curve of being a supervisor. L

I don’t think any of this post makes any sense. This issue doesn’t even make sense in my head yet! Okay this is the last time I will indulge in stream of consciousness posting… sorry