Dating mistakes women make

With all of the relationship drama going on we have to thank God for cell phone and unlimited calling plans, right? When women have a man issue the first person they run to are their close-knit circle of girlfriends. Women aren’t blameless victims. We know that. A lot of what women experience is due to their own misjudgment, hopefulness and sometimes even just simple desperation. You may be familiar with my article Dating Mistakes That Men Make, if not Google it, but like the men, women seem to be willing to own up to their dating mistakes too. Some of us agree that we read too much into male/female interaction and in all fairness you can’t blame everything on the man. Here are the Top 10 Dating Mistakes women say they make in relationships.

Trusting Too Soon

“In an effort to force a relationship to work I gave access to my personal things too early in the relationship. Personal things meaning, PIN number, email password (to prove I wasn’t getting messages from another man) and information about what was in my savings and retirement accounts. I would advise women to wait and see if you’re going to be together with a man long term and make it through a few rough patches before you make your life a complete open book—and when you do start revealing information do it in gradual increments.”

Giving In To Sex Too Quickly

“When I'm on a date, I don't believe in holding back. I feel as though if he is right for me then I can totally be myself. I guess I think that if I put myself out there, he will find some things in common and my openness and honesty refreshing. But in a lot of cases it doesn’t work that way. I met a successful single man with a real estate company. The first date was awesome and I felt that we had great chemistry. Third date—I went over to his house. I wasn't really prepared to have sex with him, but after a few drinks ended up doing it anyway. He never called me after that. I felt embarrassed.”

Pretending a Friendship Will Do

“I dated a guy once and he was so cute and I was attracted to him so I figure the best way to find out what he was about and what he liked was to become his friend. It did, however, hurt when he’d come to me as a friend and tell me about the women he was really interested in. I figured I should have just told him about my interest from the beginning and let it unfold. I got tired of hearing about his feelings for other women and had to break off the friendship.”

Being Low Hanging Fruit

“I’m sure you’ve heard the term low hanging fruit. It’s the fruit that there’s no real effort to get. You don’t have to climb or even shake the tree a little. It’s right there for picking. There were times when in my effort to not play games, I realized that I was avoiding outings with my girlfriends just so I could be at home and available for a man. It just showed him that I was at his beck and call and the relationship never lasted longer than a few months. Those instances were the biggest mistakes of my life.”

The Interrogation

“I don't know if all women are like this, but I do ask a lot of questions. I try not to interrogate a man, but from what I've learned some men won't just volunteer information, so you have to ask and pull it out of them. Some men I find don’t like to be asked questions. This is hard for me because there are things that are relationship dealbreakers for me, so I ask so that I don’t end up wasting my time or his. A lot of relationships have ended for me that way. I still don’t know if that’s a good or a bad thing.”

Too Independent

“Many men say that I come across as too independent. I want to pay my own way and I rarely accept gifts mostly because I don’t like to feel like I owe anyone anything if the relationship ends. One man asked me why I dated at if I wanted to take care of myself, love myself and leave no room for a man to do any of those things for me. The only thing I could think is that past relationships have made me that way. Now, I’m striving to find a balance of strength without appearing too weak.”

Simply Settling

“All women settle at some point.” “Settling in terms of knowing something about the man you’re in a relationship with that isn't an ‘ideal’ trait you’d seek in a man, but you over look it because you’ve already fallen for him. For instance, being accepting of all of his schedule time restraints where you only get to see him every so often. Or his need to go out on weekends, every single weekend yet there's not much quality time spent.”

Trying to Fix Him

“We often equate the ‘super save a you-know-what” syndrome with men, but in all honesty it’s the women who struggle with this the most. We are inherently nurturing creatures with a knack for fixing what’s ‘broken.’ Now, in our defense we don’t ALWAYS do this on purpose; however, because we have been programmed to do so it’s hard to isolate this trait when dating. Since my divorce, I’ve dated several men (older and younger) and all of them (even the one I’m now exclusively dating) had qualities that I wanted to immediately ‘fix.’ I knew that if I could help him to be ‘better’ I’d feel accomplished and he indebted to me. The repayment? Love.”

Having Absolutely No Attraction

Attraction is normally the focal point of a relationship. “Attraction goes a long way and shouldn’t be overlooked.” “I talked myself into dating someone that I wasn't physically or intellectually attracted to. I was thinking that I should try something different. I have to say that it’s something that to this very day I REGRET!

Dating a Man Who Was Unavailable

“Dating and unavailable man is the worst thing I’ve ever done in my life. I’ve heard women make excuses for what the wife was or wasn’t doing, however, if a man will do it ‘with’ you he’ll do it ‘to’ you and so, no matter how good it felt to be with him or how it stroked my ego to know he left someone else to be with me, I had to end it. A date with a handsome face wasn’t worth my self respect.”

I think when people are honest, they help each other have better future relationships. Let’s just call this airing of dating mistakes a starting point.

Share this article

Comments

Linda Dominique Grosvenor is the author of The Plural Thing: Spiritually Preparing for Your Soul Mate. She is currently pursuing her Masters in Marriage and Family Therapy. Her expertise on dating and relationship issues have been used in articles for publications such as Modern Bride, Honey and MORE Magazine. Follow her on Twitter @ThePluralThing and email her at princesschick@gmail.com.