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Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit,
our best wishes for an environmentally conscious,
socially responsible, low stress, non addictive,
gender neutral, celebration of the winter solstice
holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable
traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice,
or secular practices of your choice, with respect to
the religious/secular persuasion and/or traditions of
others, or their choice not to practice religious or
secular traditions at all... and a fiscally
successful, personally fulfilling, and medically
uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the
generally accepted calendar year 2005, but not without
due respect for the calendars of choice of other
cultures whose contributions to society have helped
make America great, (not to imply that America is
necessarily greater than any other country or is the
only "America" in the western hemisphere), and without
regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical or
mental ability, religious faith, choice of computer
platform or sexual preference of the wishee.

(By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these
terms. This greeting is subject to clarification or
withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no
alteration to the original greeting. It implies no
promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the
wishes for her/himself or others, and is void where
prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole
discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to
perform as expected within the usual application of
good tidings for a period of one year, or until the
issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever
comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of
this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole
discretion of the wisher.)

BUT IN ALL SERIOUSNESS HAVE A HAPPY CHRISTMAS, AND A GREAT NEW YEAR!

"So this is hell. I'd never have believed it. You remember all we were told about the torture-chambers, the fire and brimstone, the "burning marl." Old wive's tales! There's no need for red-hot pokers. HELL IS - OTHER PEOPLE!"

James Finn Garner wrote:Dedicated to the good persuns [sic] of Moorhead State University, where mistletoe has been officially banned as a holiday decoration, because, according to school president Roland Dille, it "tends to sanctify uninvited endearment."

From the dedication of Garner's Politically Correct Holiday Stories.

I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.
-- Clarence Darrow

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
-- Mark Twain