Having “The Other Talk” With Our Elderly Parents

I digest a lot of information on a lot of things, everyday. Last week, when a scam artist targeted one of the most precious people in the world to me, I realized that I had neglected to educate those around me on things I had learned.

I don’t live near my senior parents, but ensure I check in several times a week. My dad is 76 and has been battling cancer quite impressively for the past 2 years. He is pretty content at home, watching Judge Judy and reading magazines, perhaps entering a sweepstakes from time to time. My mom, the woman whom I attribute all my “feist” to, is 72 and works part time (Judge Judy just isn’t her thing).

Last week, my mom called me concerned over a phone call my father had received just moments before.

She was unaware of the details of the call until she walked into the room and saw my father, wallet open on the kitchen counter, reading off a string of numbers to the person on the other end of the phone. Immediately sensing something was amiss she instructed him to hang up immediately, but it was too late. You see, a scam artist had already taken the info he needed from my sick, elderly father.

The scammer had told my dad that he had won the lottery. A Lotto 649 win actually, approximately 2 million dollars. My dad, unfortunately more trusting and eager than I’d like to admit, accepted the exciting news and was told more details would arrive by mail – the “official documentation”. All the caller needed in order to validate my dad was who he said he was? My dad’s banking information and date of birth.

Approximately 5 minutes had passed since my dad hung up and my mom called, distraught. I asked her for the number displayed on the phone, wanting to give the scamming “lottery official” a phone call myself.

No official business name was given upon answering the phone, just a simple “Hello?” from a man with a heavy accent. I explained, calmly but with a hopeful anticipation in my voice, that I was just calling to verify the big prize my father had won, and would love further information to share with our excited family. He tried to get me off the phone (he was “on the other line”) and then hung up on me “accidentally”.

Then he called me back (shame on me for not blocking my number upon calling).

The subsequent phone calls were the stuff of watchdog television gold. I asked him again to explain where the win was from. “Lotto 649 Max” he said. I told him that was peculiar since the Western Canada Lottery Corporation never phones people to advise them of a win (when is the last time you gave the clerk at 7-11 your name AND phone number upon buying a ticket?), but he insisted it was legit. When I questioned why he was calling from a number based in South Carolina (likely a spoofing number, this con was probably not even on our continent) he explained that “the lottery had hired a third party” for work like this.

The scammer showed absolutely no remorse, nor any concern when I made it clear I had called his bluff and had already contacted the police. He was calm, patronizing. In fact, at the end of our fourth conversation (he kept calling me back) he had a brilliant idea. “You seem like a smart lady,” he sneered, “are you on Facebook? We could make money together, sweetie.”

Oh yes he did.

I told him in very non-polite terms what I thought of his idea and hung up on him.

As victorious as I felt at having told him off, I knew that I was just one of hundreds…thousands…of people he and his cohorts encounter in a day. I’m probably one of the few who are able to get wise to a scam like this within minutes, having the chance to put a stop to the actions taken by the con. But even so, I wasn’t fast enough.

My parents called their bank after getting off the phone with me, as I instructed them to. They reported the phone call to the RCMP. However, they learned at their bank appointment the next morning that within 20 minutes of the con’s call to my dad, $2000 had been taken out of his account (thank goodness for daily limits!)

Since that day, we have taken the appropriate steps to protect my dad’s accounts and his identity. But what happens when we don’t walk in on every senior’s phone call? What about the elderly grandmother who keeps her “prize” a secret so she can show her whole family the cheque when it comes in the mail? This scenario happens every day – bank accounts depleted by a con artist tucked safe and sound in a foreign land. A scammer with no heart or conscience.

This is where I feel like I failed. As triumphant as I am at having stopped this con in his tracks with my quick actions, I didn’t have that talk with my parents ahead of time to warn them about people like this. Statistics from the Canadian Anti-Fraud Center show that con artists primarily target Canadians between the ages of 60-to-69-years-old. Because 80 per cent of all mass-market scams are now committed on the Internet, I made the mistake of thinking my parents were safe because they don’t own a computer.

The golden rule is to never give out your personal banking information over the phone. Ever. This simple piece of advice may have been enough to protect my dad from this con. It seems like obvious information, but when you’re home in the middle of the afternoon and a slick person calls you with news that will change your life, its not always top of mind. Yet, that old adage always applies – if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.

So be aware, my friends. Share this story with your elderly parents and grandparents. Remind them that lottery wins don’t come in a phone call. Tell them that they should never give out banking information on the phone and let them know that if they think they fell for a scam, speak out. You will be there to help. Often times, seniors are too embarrassed to tell their kids that they may have fallen for a scam, and the results of not sharing that suspicion can be disastrous.

My bank (TD) has fraud protection insurance. I once had several hundred dollars stolen from my account by someone who copied my card, and luckily the bank returned my money. I hope your father’s bank was able to reim nurse him as well. What scum, to prey on the elderly. I’d be so enraged, were it my father. 🙁

Yes Dayna they were able to reverse the transaction. Now, I don’t know if that means that the bank covered the amount and the con still got the money – but in the end I’m glad it’s back in his account!

My Mom just recently fell for the “grandparent scam” and sent $1600 Western Union. She will never see this money again. She was so embarrassed, the police and fraud department made her feel worse. The person who she sent the money to in Montreal is on Facebook, likely the go between for the scammer in another country. So very sick that these people make their living this way. I’m glad your Dad got his money back.

oh my dear god, that is horrible, that person needs to be, “@&C&#*$(%&^!*&% ‘ and then “%$$^#&&” , so many people fall victim to such scams, but to hear of one that is even closer, as a reader of your blog, my heart goes out to your parents.

OMG, I am so disgusted by this! This too is a big fear with my mom. She is such a sweet trusting lady and I have warned her never to give out any information, but I still worry. After 9-11 she got a call like this and luckily she didn’t give out her info. I don’t understand how people can prey on the elderly like this and live with themselves. You are a good daughter and thank God you were there to help out your parents. I wish your father the best in his recovery and I am stunned that your mother works! Good for her! Thank you for this post. I am actually going to read it to my mom after work today.

I’ve been exposed to similar fraud through an advertising website where I was trying to sell furniture. Someone was supposedly very interested in buying my couch, but they wanted my banking information… I immediatly saw something was wrong and replied with a link to an article relating such frauds. You’re right, we have to tell our parents about such things!

My brother in laws parents were scammed out of 5,000 dollars and one of my neighbors grandparents. They got a phone call that started “hey grandpa guess who” so they said a name, and caller would say yes that’s who it was, the caller said they were in a car accident and they need money to get car fixed 2,000, they didn’t want to tell their parents. So they wired them the money. They got a 2nd call and said that it wasn’t enough they needed 3,000 more, and again they sent it. They decided to call after wards and ask family how their grand kids were and found out it was a scam. Too late though money long gone.

Also a scam that lucky my mother law caught on and called bank right away. Caller said they were bank of Montreal and said there was a problem with her account. She was about to give them all the numbers when she saw display didn’t say the bank. She asked who this was and why it wasn’t saying phone call was coming from the bank. They hung up on her. Also going around. People knocking on doors then leaving to see if anyone answers then they barge in and rob them. I told my mother in law to activate her house alarm if she hears a knock but doesn’t see anyone at door. But don’t open door look out window. She had a knock but nothing else happened after that thank god.

My mom was always aware of how people try to scam seniors. She never gave anyone any information about herself that she didn’t arrange. She was one smart woman! I think that awareness is key. The more we can spread the message the better it will be.

My mom is very cautious thankfully – and if anything just doesn’t seem right, even with an email message, she’ll call me for advice. I can’t imagine how tough this is for seniors who are either not 100% mentally, or who are just too vulnerable.

It is a heartless thing to do. We are also struggling with things happening to an elder parent – but with the “community health providers” (see administration of senior services) trying to bully our parent into signing a document saying they can make changes to the medication PRESCRIBED by his DOCTOR!!! You really do have to be vigilant.

that’s so horrible! i hope that guy gets a lengthy sentence. he’s obviously not getting in trouble at all & just pulling these scams repeatedly. can’t be prosecuted for stealing at the very least. your parents did not give him permission to take their money. and i’m scared to know what he does on facebook. you should connect with him on there through a fake profile just so you can get his profile and send it over to the police.

I’ve been trying to talk to my dad who is in his early 70s. We lost my mom a few years ago. My dad has alot of valuables in the house and I found out that he pawned, sold, or whatever you want to call it, some silver and gold items that my sister and I considered family heirlooms. I don’t think he realized what he was doing. I phoned the place he sold it too because I wanted to purchase it all back but they even denied buying the property.

One of my dad’s older friends was getting taken advantage of by Reader Digest; he was always sending off money because he understood that he had won a fortune.

I hope your dad gets that money back! I do all my dads financials for him. I did have the talk with him after he bought a How to get out of Financial Trouble packet from some company over the phone. He spent $600 on a pamphlet basically. Plus the information was only relevant for the US. I called the company back to get a refund which they refused etc etc. It was a long effort but I only got back a partial refund. So the rule is now Don’t buy anything over the phone unless it pizza and no credit card info.

That is horrible, I’m sorry your father went through something like this. My Dad is very cautious when it comes to money, so he knows about these calls. Plus, he’s losing his hearing so he hates answering the phone, ha ha. He wouldn’t last long on the phone!

Now my grandfather is a different story… he’s a very smart man, but something like this you never know. Something I think I’ll ask him about.

I’ve encountered fraud from two places one from rogers and the other from bell canada. Someone in another part of the province used my information and somehow got themselves free rogers cable and some paid wrestling thing and the other time an employee from bell was caught taking from my account and others. You have to be so careful these days, thanks for sharing with us. I ended up staying with rogers and they worked everything out .

That is horrible. Thanks for sharing this with us, it never hurts to be aware and to educate others. My grandmother received a call from a scammer claiming that my sibling needs money because my parents are ill. She was so upset and was ready to run out to send money when we happen to call her and repeatedly reassured her that everything was fine and that the phone call was a scam. The call was reported but nothing can be done.

My grandparents actually had a scam email before. Someone said if they gave them their credit card number, they will deposit the $10 million of their old ancestor’s into their account or something like that. Thankfully they didn’t respond!

People are crazy that they stoop to this level of trying to scam people out of things. My parents are pretty close to me and live close too. I think we still need to have ‘the’ talk and mabye try to set up a ‘code word’ so they will know for sure if it is us calling or if it is a scam.

laurie, as my daughter, i love you and i feel i know my kids so well that no one could pull one over me. as you said we are pretty close. but these days you never know. but remember laurie, when it comes to my kids or grandkids my guard is standing tall. and besides we are not rich folk lol

Thats really scary. There are just so many heartless people out there. I know a friend was scammed once when her young daughter was using her ( the mother’s) email to write a letter to her dad who was on a buiness trip overseas for the week. She was looking around and got a spam email whch she opened. Basically it had said they won the lottery and would send the check if they got verification in the form of the credit card used to buy the ticket. Anyways, she grabbed her mom’s card off the table and entered it in, wanting to help out her mom. They ended up losing $5000.
Things like these are just so scary. There needs to be international laws more heavily preventing these crtimes and more serious punishments.

My elderly mother received a scam call about her computer and how they would help her update it . She did waste about an hour of her time but thank goodness did not give them credit card info which they kept requesting. It is very sad how these scammers try to take advantage of the elderly.

Unfortunately this happened to my Mother 3 years ago, she was called and told that she had won a car and all she had to do to claim it was send the tax money. As she did enter the odd contest she really did think she had won, also she was told not to tell anyone so it could be a surprise when she drove up in her new Mercedes. She did lose $1,500 in the scam and though we called the police and they took all the details the money was never recovered. Sadly it was not the lost money that hurt her the most it was the fact that she was so guilble that did the most damage to her selfesteem!!

I’ve spoken to my mother about phone scams, especially the Microsoft virus one. Unfortunately she didn’t share with her friends, as her friend passed over her credit card to a “Microsoft tech” a few days after my warning. I felt terrible for her as she is on a very limited income. So sad to hear of these stories 🙁

It is the unfortunate reality of today, I don’t understand what posses people to do these scams. An elderly friend of ours recently got hit by the Microsoft one but luckily she told us right away before they had a chance to do anything.

Oh my gosh, what a horrible story, although with a good ending for your family! I am fortunate to have extremely cautious, scam-savvy parents, but you always hear stories of people falling victim to scams. Tragic.

It is so disheartening the le ngths people will go to in scamming others out of their money. Contests are the easiest scam…who hasnt entered a contest here and there. We all want to win. ( best thing is to keep track of when , and how about your contest enteries)

the gall of some people; I know how fast the bank account withdrawal works as it happened to me ordering some
skin care – upon finishing the info online, it cost me more than what was stated up front.
thanks for sharing.

I am so sorry this happened. You are doing everything you can by talking about it and passing it on. My parents have received so many calls and emails from supposed ‘banks’, but fortunately, they caught on…

Going to call my parents tonight and have a nice chat with them. Thanks for posting about this. It’s so important protect your parents. As parents, we focus so much on our little ones we sometimes forget about the parents needs to be taken care of too.

i know a few elderly people who have had this happened to them. they lost out in over 5000 dollars. before they told someone what they were doing and was told it wasnt who they thought they were sending money too.

In today’s day and age as accessable as information is we tend to forget that means ALL information. I recently had to have this conversation not just with my mom but with my children who are in their young 20’s as well. I think one of the main things to keep in mind is if its’ free.. it’s free.. you won’t be required to give any information or asked to pay for anything at all. This kinda things bothers me as its not just elderly that are subjected and likely to be victim, so are our young people who are still dillusional to think there’s a fast way to make a buck…

That is terrible what happened to your parents. But I know that even younger people also any age really are sometimes to willing to give out information that the y shouldn’t. I am glad you shared this with your readers to spread the word as this is happening more and more.

I wish the talk would help… my mom seems to be rational when we talk about anything like this, but if she doesn’t hear from us for a couple of days she suspects the worst and caught in that moment she looses all rationality. I just hope the circumstances will never coincide so badly.

oh how sad. how sick can some people be. something similar happened to my husband and I 6 years ago just before my first child was born. I just cried thinking we would never get the money back. but the bank was great, and it was filed as fraud and we got our money back.

I actually had the “Something is wrong with your Windows” call a while back and I got all their contact details I could and I reported them. My parents and I have had the talk long ago, and we chat about it now and again when something comes up in the news so I’m grateful they’re wary of those kinds of things.

We get calls and a lot are from ME and my daughter going online to enter contests. I know they are not supposed to sell names or numbers, but there definitely is a rash of calls. Most of it is online though…countless emails from across seas that promises lots of money and wins from big name companies in the US, like Coca Cola, etc. People just assume that relation is legit. They make me sick they target the old, sick, and weak…those often so desperate for money. Seniors already have had so many cuts and so much loss with their retirement accounts due to the economy.

That guy was particularly scummy…asking you to partner in the scam. WOW! Knee high to a slug.

I hate giving up my email online, even when it is in “broken” form, they can take so easily…just takes a bit more time to harvest. We have been hit every year at least once with someone breaking our debit/credit cards. Seniors might be too trusting as they lived in a safer, “nicer’ world than us for years. They might not think about debit carding a purchase and not keeping the card info held from site, or even chatting with a person who is data collecting in their head at the pump or a restaurant, etc. Scary. so sad they got ripped off.

We were told at our bank specifically, that identity theft and scams that come out of our account have to be found within two weeks or it is on us to eat that cost. With statements only going out once a month, there is a good chance you would have to cover it. Wow, 2K would ruin us right now. We dont have money like that. And most seniors could surely not recover. Grr….

It is absolutely sickening how these scammers seem to enjoy praying on the elderly, I am so sorry to hear that this happened to your father. I get lots of scam phone calls, usually from blocked numbers, lots of times there are telling me I won this or that after entering their contest. At first I think yahhh me, right I enter contests all the time. Then when they ask for my cc number so that I can pay the $3 shipping fee, is when the alarm bells stat going off. I basically tell them off in not so polite words and then slam the phone down. I had the same “company” call me for 3 weeks, always a person on the other end that hardly spoke a lick of english and they talk extremely fast. After a few weeks I finally contact the RCMP. Of course there was not a whole lot that could be done, but I come to find out that they had received numerous reports of the same calls going around my area. I wish these scammers would just get a job and make their money in an honest manner, just think all that time they spend calling and scamming they could be billionaires by now

Sadly, it was just the other day and involved a contest I had just entered. A trip to Florida that was too good to be true. When I asked to have his number and name of his company so I could call him back, he hung up. I felt like an idiot.

this summer I had someone go through my paypal account and withdrew from our banking account over $3,000.00. It was a horrible experience but paypal paid it all back. you feel so violated that people do this type of thing….

We had a neighbour lady who always fell for things like this. If people came to the door she let them in and got marked in, on the phone etc. She got taken a few times until I found out and told her never to fall for things like that. This lady is now gone but I know there are many more out there who live alone and get conned in all the time. Its very sad that there are scammers who have no heart and target the elderly like this. This is a great post.

Im so sorry to hear this happened to your folks! Unfortunately, it seems that this happens QUITE frequently..

We had a string of scams recently, in my neck of the woods, where someone would call seniors (and how on earth they figured it was an elderly person is beyond me) pretending to be a grandchild travelling and in need of help, too embarrassed to call their parents.. Tug on the heartstrings, right?

We do our best to keep our parents informed of phone scams and mail scams also. My mother just will not understand that if you have to pay for something to collect your prize then you didn’t win it. She was defrauded out of $100 by a call saying she had won an air purifier. They told her it was just a lucky pick of her name from the phone book, she sent off the check and they sent her a dollar store personal fan!!..We have impressed on them that these calls are truly scams and if they have any doubt tell the caller to call back when your sons or daughters are there..just please don’t give out any info or send money!!!

Oh my gosh! That is so horrible! Its so hard to believe that people would do that and then so quickly take out the max of 2000! Oh I feel so bad for your father. 🙁 I wish so much they could put an end to these….I am sure tons of people are scammed by them each month! Thanks for bring the awareness out…..I am going to talk with my parents!

Thank-you so much for sharing your parents story! They grew up in a different time, and their 1st thought isn’t “what a scam”.
That’s creepy the scammer tried to recruit you. What nerve!
Thanks again for getting the word out!

Thank you for sharing… I myself have had people call or email me saying all they need is my banking information. I will always be on the alert and tell people not too.,. My mom did fall for a scam and lost a few thousand dollars to much. But you live and you learn. Thank you for being there for your parents.

I am so sorry this happened to your Mom and Dad, sadly it goes on everyday around the country. My Mum lost a thousand dollars in a phone scam also concerning a lotto win. My aunt almost lost her house last year in a phone scam, she was actually threatened with bodily harm if she didn’t comply..thank heavens she called us and we got in touch with the RCMP, it is still an ongoing case. Thanks for sharing your post and we must stay on top of these scams.

aweful and shameful! I’ve had to stat talking to my dad about such things lately.. He does not appreciate me talking to him about anything to do with anyone taking advantage of him, but it wouldn’t be right not too. Thanks for your honesty and candor!

This guy sounds like the same person that has been calling my Mom. He is rude & calls her a few times every day. I’ve spoken to him a few times & have threatened to call police but he just laughs. Why can’t the police do anything?

This is a sad situation, but it happens everyday, my parents also received a call that they won money from PCH, but thank goodness my mom had his number since it wasn’t blocked and called the police and publishers clearing house or else she would of been taken for. It makes me so mad that they have to use the elderly this way just makes me sick

I remember reading about your grandparents and the scam and how you helped them. There have been several scams on Vancouver Island…one involving construction on homes. You have to be so careful these days.