Newt’s Latest WTF Statement

We’re certainly accustomed to hearing Newt Gingrich deliver baffling and bizarre pronouncements, but this one seems particularly odd to me. I have no idea what the hell he’s trying to say here.

“He really is like the substitute referees in the sense that he’s not a real president. He doesn’t do anything that presidents do, he doesn’t worry about any of the things the presidents do,” Gingrich said on Fox News’s “On the Record with Greta Van Susteren.” “But he has the White House. He has enormous power. And he’ll go down in history as the president, and I suspect that he’s pretty contemptuous of the rest of us.”

Um. Okay. Then he engages in some Bryan Fischer-level mind-reading:

“Hillary Clinton is a serious person. Barack Obama is an ambitious person. They’re very different personalities. Hillary Clinton gets up every day thinking about public policy. Barack Obama gets up everyday thinking about Barack Obama,” Gingrich said.

Says one of the most absurdly narcissistic men ever to hold public office in this country. For crying out loud, I bet when Newt masturbates, he looks at a picture of himself.

After spending several years touring the country as a stand up comedian, Ed Brayton tired of explaining his jokes to small groups of dazed illiterates and turned to writing as the most common outlet for the voices in his head. He has appeared on the Rachel Maddow Show and the Thom Hartmann Show, and is almost certain that he is the only person ever to make fun of Chuck Norris on C-SPAN.

http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

For crying out loud, I bet when Newt masturbates, he looks at a picture of himself.

He’s saying Obama is like a substitute president. He doesn’t worry about presidential stuff. He’s powerful. History will record him as president and he has contempt for everyone else.

Huh. That doesn’t make it any clearer, does it. It’s almost like Newt is artificially intelligent. Each sentence is its own paragraph, but nothing connects them.

Artor

“I bet when Newt masturbates, he looks at a picture of himself.”

Not at all, he has people to do that for him. Doesn’t he pay Callista in Tiffany’s to do that job? Personally, I think she’s not getting paid enough.

Trebuchet

It’s almost like Newt is artificially intelligent.

Sorry, he’s not passing the Turing Test.

http://www.rodlamkey.net reverendrodney

“Hillary Clinton gets up every day thinking about public policy.”

Come 2016 he will deny saying that.

But then, by 2016 he’ll probably be on wife #4, have become a Quaker or Mormon (or fill in the blank), and have contrived some new motto, such as “Fidelity For America” or some such crap.

Phillip IV

For crying out loud, I bet when Newt masturbates, he looks at a picture of himself.

Or at a picture of Obama.

But it’s really startling to see how much of the GOP’s criticism of Obama isn’t actually aimed at any of the many things you could rightfully criticize about him and his policies, but at a completely conjectural ‘real’ Obama only they are able to perceive.

And it’s even more startling to see that they think that’s any way to make a rational argument.

dingojack

MO – has his right hand come down with cancer or something?

Dingo

http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

dingojack, carpal tunnel syndrome.

Larry

Just another dog whistle to the racist RW: a black man incapable of fulfilling the responsibilities of his position.

Move along. Nothing to see here.

MikeMa

He seems to be nominating a conscientious, capable Hillary for 2016. Way to go Newt!

Speculation: The disjointed and probably racist Obama comments might have started as a coherent thought when he got up that morning but Newt’s Amazing Brain(tm) got hold of it and puked out the result.

dingojack

MO – well then Amphibian should leave off pulling cars and settle for just pulling his dick (assuming wife #n can find it, that is).

Dingo

kantalope

If there are going to be references to Newt and anything sexual there needs to be a warning at the top and some kind of spoiler cover at the bottom.

Genitalia? Yes. Like normal humans? No. They look like a stalk of half-husked maize above two zebra potatoes (one of which is considerably smaller than the other). You should see them. They’re really quite…traumatizing.

iainr

Mental images of Newt masturbating. Thanks for that.

Are you trying to scare people off reading your blog?

Eugghh. I need a shower. Possibly in bleach.

http://stochasticscientist.blogspot.com KathyO

“He doesn’t do anything that presidents do”

Like be white?

Tony •Prom King of Sunnydale High•

KathyO @20:

Or be Christian?

d cwilson

Well, it makes as much sense as his “Obama is anti-colonial” remark.

But it’s really startling to see how much of the GOP’s criticism of Obama isn’t actually aimed at any of the many things you could rightfully criticize about him and his policies, but at a completely conjectural ‘real’ Obama only they are able to perceive.

It’s been that way almost from the moment they realized he was going to be the 2008 nominee. The GOP’s entire strategy when dealing with Obama is to redefine him as an alien Manchurian candidate who is “not like us”. And the reason why is because they can’t deal with him the way they really want to, which is jump up and down like Michael Richards on speed shouting, “He’s a n*gger!!”

http://yourownrisk.wordpress.com Squiddhartha

This one seems obvious enough to me. The replacement refs are the current thing “everybody” hates, so Obama must be like them! Somehow! Please?!

Crip Dyke, MQ, Right Reverend Feminist FuckToy of Death & Her Handmaiden

@Dr. X -#16

@dingo:

MO – has his right hand come down with cancer or something?

No, the clap.

So… what is the sound of one hand… oh, never mind.

scienceavenger

The more the GOP talks, the more apropos the empty chair skit seems. Never mind the real Obama, just make up whatever fictional version you want and criticize that.

http://festeringscabofrealityblogspot.com fifthdentist

Also, Newt doesn’t do anything a president does — because he’s not president.

Even in a field of totally craz(ier)* candidates than himself and Mitt Romney Newt couldn’t even make a serious race for the nomination. In a race reminiscent of the tortoise v. the hare — or rather a tortoise v. a field full of insane and even slower tortoises, Mitt prevailed. I bet Mike Huckabee is kicking himself because if any year was his, this was it.

This also may show that the Teabagger tide crested in 2008 and with any luck from now on will just be a trickle running down the legs of fear-fueled racists.

* Bachmann and Perry and Cain, oh my!

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About the Author

After spending several years touring the country as a stand up comedian, Ed Brayton tired of explaining his jokes to small groups of dazed illiterates and turned to writing as the most common outlet for the voices in his head. Read More...