Psychological science provides us with the critical tools that can change our lives. If we get psyched, we think stronger and live longer. Why? Our behaviors have multiple determinants and psychological science helps us understand them. Let me unpack this.

We do what we do because of our biology, both the genes we inherited and our brains. We have 86 billion brain cells (neurons and glial cells). Each has thousands of connections. Every thought, feeling, and behavior we experience or perform has its basis in our brain and mostly outside our awareness.

We also do what we do because we learn to.

The likelihood for us to think or behave certain ways increases if what we do is rewarded and decreases if it is punished. We also learn how to think and behave from watching others. In a classic study, kids who watched adults hitting a clown doll hit that doll when later left alone. Likewise, when we see our friends reacting in certain ways, we are likely to act similarly.

Finally, our social networks influence us. Our relationships with our peers, family and friends are critical to our health.

So what? You can improve your life by Chilling, Drilling, and Building.

Chill: You may act aggressively because of a rush of a chemical called testosterone. Stressed? There is an accumulation of cortisol and adrenalin. Think throwing things when angry helps? Think again. Studies show taking time to chill out is best. Anger chemicals subside. When stressed it is OK to disengage. Stress chemicals subside.

Taking time out and away from what is troubling you, yes chilling, gives your biology a chance to readjust.

Drill: We need to practice going beyond the automatic thoughts we often have.

Take stereotypes. We automatically use them to help navigate the world. Maybe you see an Asian American and think “she must be good at math.” That is an Asian stereotype. Could be true but need not be true of all Asians. Recognize stereotypes for what they are, mental shortcuts. Practice going beyond them.

Feel bad when you fail? Some of us automatically blame ourselves. Some automatically blame others. Happens in the classroom all the time. Some students do badly on an exam and blame the questions, the class, or me. But did they study enough? We can all stand to practice changing our automatic reactions to situations. Drill drill drill.

Build: Develop your social resources. Social support is one of the most powerful psychological resources we have.

In a recent study, researchers gave a group of people a cold virus. No surprise, most people got a cold, but people with strong social support did not develop as strong symptoms. Think about all the support you have that can help you and what you can use. Make an effort to build and cultivate your support networks.

We are who we are. Our genes, our learning, our networks have made us who we are. But we do not have to be that person. Recognize what is automatic, what is biological. Notice your patterns. Change the ones that do not work for you.

Next time you are down, or want to change life, use this simple reminder of what all you need to do. Chill, drill and build.