Sunday, March 4, 2007

A few years ago, my mom gave my brother and me the cutest scrapbooks for our respective pets. I volunteered to do his and have just now (don't cha love procrastination) gotten around to finishing it. The narrator of the scrapbook is Pez the Pomeranian, and as you can see, he is quite large for his breed. He tells a little about himself and his favorite things to do. This book, like many other store bought scrapbooks, has plastic page covers. I'm ready to move on from these as part of the fun and delight of scrapping and journaling is feeling the page and all the textures it holds. I realize that I tend to put myself in a box and sometimes resist new techniques. I've been putting off working on my wedding album because, of course, I want it to be perfect and I'm scared to begin. No page protectors. No manufactured album that will look dated in ten years. No cutesy-pie embellishments. Uhhhh....okay....how do I start? You see, I have an art room filled to the brim with cutesy-pie embellishments, and while I still think they are fun, I don't really want to use them. Most of the artists and scrappers I admire use few if any manufactured embellishments. Their own style and flair come through with authentic vibrancy and clarity. Their art is their own. I am still searching for my brand.

One of my biggest challenges is trying to break my perfectionism habit. I mean, I was the kindergartener who would not go to bed unless all of my clothes and accessories for the next school day were all carefully laid out. The thing I'm (still) learning about the creative process is it doesn't work so well if you're tightly wound up in rules and shoulds and should nots.

As much as I still habitually lean towards playing by the rules, I am making a conscious effort to listen to the true music of my heart and express myself with great abandon, to make huge messes, basically, to make a lot of ugly, crappy art. Because if I don't allow myself, no cheer myself on in the making of bad, crappy art, how will I ever get to the sweet stuff? It's all about loving ourselves and being kind to ourselves, day to day, minute by minute. Not an easy task perhaps, but certainly a worthwhile and lifelong endeavor.