Sometimes, my mortality and the impermanence of it all is overwhelming and I’m silenced to tears.

I hear the lyrics in my mind, “Like violence, you have me forever and after, like violence-you kill me, forever and after.”

I think on the relationship that is time, and the earth, and humanity and it is a violent affair indeed, it always has been. And, it does have me, forever and even after.

The very particles of my being are paradoxical, arising from the stuff of Matter and Antimatter, and just as the conditions battled it out for us to evolve, so too, will we return to that state of chaos after our galaxy collides with another.

Our dust, will be the beginning of another’s evolution and that is what is meant by eternity…

I am grateful, I am at peace, and I am paradoxically, contained violence. Forever, and after…

Thanks for reading….

*** lyrics belong to Blink 182’s “Violence.”

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Published by stacyeliz

Writer. I write to discover who I am. 📓Enneagram 4/sx, 🖤 (wallowing in my self-induced darkness is where it’s at, yall🎉) Gemini♊️ Lover of Humans, especially those that I created. ❤️❤️❤️❤️ Rebuilding after deconstructing from fundamentalist Christianity. ☯️Lover of paganism, pantheism, Quakerism, the Divine Feminine, and the Stars.🔮💎 Depending on the day and moon cycles, I’m landing somewhere between atheism, agnosticism, and universalism with faeries and gnomes. 🍄🧚🏼‍♀️Reader of all the things.📚 Avid Skeptic and Questioner without solid answers. 🔍Homeschool/public school enthusiast, former public school teacher, current homeschooling mom✏️Unapologetic 🏳️‍🌈 Ally. She/her pronouns. 💜Believer of Science. 🧬Wife of a damn fine man, damn it-the boy is FINE. ♋️🤣Grateful to be here for my moment on the timeline of life. 🌳
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5 thoughts on “Forever, and After”

Can’t count all the eyes that stare
Can’t count all the things they see
She kills with no life to spare
Just victims are left to bleed
One drink and the pain goes down
Soft shadows lay by her feet
Lay soft as you slowly drown
Lay still while you fall asleep….

Comes back just like yesterday. So beautiful sister. That is life. That is what gives us meaning. It’s so beautiful! I wish I were there with you lying under the trees.

It’s interesting how pervasive the breath is in many creation stories. God breathed life into Adam, and the Upanishads speak of breath quite often in not only the making of the universe, but as an important part of meditation and self-reflection, which of course was passed on to Buddhism. There is a great lyric in one of my favorite Genesis songs called Say It’s Alright Joe:

Say it’s alright Joe,
I need another drink
To blow on the glass so I know I’m alive

I’ve always liked that line because there is something about breath that easily reminds you, you are alive. Though we breathe unconsciously we can become conscious of our breath and it is often a calming feeling.

You also talk of impermanence and how it brought you to tears. I had a similar moment when I started practicing mindfulness meditation. Impermanence is one of the 4 noble truths in Buddhism. After that very emotional moment I shared it with my friend who was a regular practitioner of mindfulness meditation and he the good thing about that truth is that while we might be sad at the impermanence of that which is good, it equally implies that what is bad also does not last. I took comfort in that.

Our dust, will be the beginning of another’s evolution and that is what is meant by eternity…

I also take comfort in this. If we think beyond our consciousness and just to the extension of life in general, then we do live in on, as our matter is incorporated into new life. Just as old life has made me. I think that’s a beauty that no creation story could ever touch.