Oscar goes everywhere

This is for the gays and the girls who love them, especially my Morley who emails me once a week claiming first dibs on Dustin Lance Black. DLB won an Oscar for writing Milk – have you seen it yet? Probably not. And why not???

Anyway, as you can see, DLB is beautiful. According to some, he’s also acting kinda obnoxiously.

Word is he showed up at a bar for a birthday party the other night carrying his Oscar in his backpack, pulling it out the entire time, boasting about when Madonna scratched it up at the Vanity Fair party. Observers called his behaviour “inappropriate”.

So you’re probably rolling your eyes. It’s a dicky move, sure.

But…

If I won an Oscar – it’s a f*cking OSCAR, dude – in my heart of hearts, I don’t know, can I honestly say I’d be super classy about it?

My mother wouldn’t be classy about it.

She’d take it with her to mahjong, stick it on her chip tray, a gleaming golden hex on the other 3 players. After winning a hand, she’d hold it up, rub it in their faces announcing – Oscah! Oscah! O – see – cah!!! I know this because this is what she does every time I’m on television Mondays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays. She’ll make them stop, she’ll make them turn on the tv, she’ll make them watch me, then when my clip is over she’ll pretend like nothing happened while the rest of them stew over her braggadociousness and lose focus.

Anyway, the point is, judge all you want. But you haven’t won an Oscar. DLB has an Oscar. And he’s flaunting it all day long. He probably thinks the haters are all jealous bitches.