Viewing figures reveal that you are the only person in the country who didn’t watch Love Island

The viewing figures for the final episode of Love Island have revealed that it was watched by every man, woman and child in Great Britain, with the exception of you.

Initially, your own slightly self-satisfied cries of ‘I don’t watch that sort of thing, actually,’ were echoed throughout the country.

However, by Monday’s final episode, you were the final hold-out as everyone else had finally succumbed to the sight of reasonably nice, attractive young people wearing next to nothing having affairs in the sun.

It is understood that you didn’t watch Love Island as you wished to give the appearance of intellectual superiority, even though you spend your evenings pausing the dirty bits on Game of Thrones and then telling everyone the next day that you were watching something with subtitles on BBC4.

Colleagues and friends were stunned that your snobbery prevented you from joining in the fun.

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