Hi, my name is Lisa and i have been in remission from stage 4 Hodgkin’s Lymphoma for 17months.
This year, after an abnormal smear, i got diagnosed with Adenocarcinoma in situ, which was treated by removing most of my cervix.
And now, i have found a new lump in my neck and as im terrifed ive relapsed, ive seen four doctors about it but no one is concerned as it is not large. Its been over four weeks now and i finally managed to get an ultrasound.
The depression, anxiety and panic attacks from it all are horrific and nothing but lorazepam is helping.
No one seem interested in helping me, i feel like the doctors as getting angry with me, my family is getting angry because im also so anxious and when i reach out for help people dont even respond to my texts anymore.
I just dont know what to do, im in a pretty awful place.
If anyone has been thru anything similar i would love some advice or just for someone to understand what im going thru.. i feel like im going crazy and i dont know how much more i can take.
Or if anyone has had adenocarcinoma in situ i would love to hear from you too

Hello Lisa,
Welcome to the forum and thank you for your post.I am sorry to hear about the difficult time you are going through. Having two different diagnoses in such a short time is very stressful, and so hard now when you are worried about new symptoms. I hope that a doctor has explained the results of the ultrasound to you, if you have already had it.
Feeling that no-one is listening or taking your worries seriously is very frustrating.I can understand how that must be increasing your anxiety, which is affecting your relationships with your family and friends. The Cancer Society can offer services to help with anxiety such as counselling and relaxation/massage therapy. Our website has some relaxation tracks that you may find helpful at https://wellington.cancernz.org.nz/en/how-we-can-help/want-local-support/relaxation-and-meditation-cd/ and there are other ideas for helping here: https://wellington.cancernz.org.nz/en/cancer-information/living-with-cancer/helping-yourself/
I don’t know what area of NZ you are in, but there will be a Cancer Society service near you or you are welcome to ring the cancer information nurses on 0800 226237 (Mon-Fri office hours), or email them on info@cancersoc.org.nz
Hopefully some other people on here will have some ideas that might be useful, and I encourage you to get in touch with us again.

I am so sorry to hear of your health issue that you are having to deal with at this time. I cannot offer much in the way of support other then to say “there may be an option for you”.
Take care and blessings to you

Let me start off by saying that you are not alone in your feelings of anxiety and depression. The frustration expressed by others around you whilst you go through cancer did not make things easier. Although I had lots of support I still felt alone. I had stage 2 breast cancer so I can’t even imagine the trauma you went through with your prognosis. At the moment I feel as if the anxiety and depression I am currently experience is actually worse than the cancer itself. I was diagnosed with depression long before getting breast cancer. I was not happy in my own skin. I started developing dark rings around my eyes which were hallow and I generally looked unwell. Lack of sleep, poor diet, stress and fatigue took its toll on me which later on resulted in cancer. Going through cancer when you already mentally ill is extremely draining which made my appearance so much worse. My depression and anxiety is so bad I have social phobia. I avoid contact with others. I cannot converse like I use to, lacking in confidence. I live an extremely lonely life away from family and friends , recently moved here from South Africa. I have a loving husband and two kids but they all I have and I feel guilty that I cannot enjoy life with them because of my insecurities. I started on lorazepam and mirtazapine. The lorazepam was fantastic but when I ran out I had to make do with just the mirtazapine. It helped a bit with my anxiety but the depression was still very much there. This is a long term process I know and doctors will be evasive because lorazepam is addictive and they want to control its use. With my experience I dont think I will ever get over my anxiety and depression unless there is a drastic change in my physical appearance. No medication and counseling can make me feel better about myself. I look and feel ugly and I am very self conscious. My face is puffy and look like I haven’t had rest in years. People constantly stare at me when I am in public. I am so ashamed of how I look and this is why I much prefer doing the cancer chats that actually physically attending a counselling session.