About Me

This blog is dedicated to my journey through recurrent miscarriage and infertility. I am 37, happily married for 11 years to my high school sweetheart, now with two greatly loved sons - a 6 year old son (PDD-NOS dx changed to Sensory/Motor delay in 9/08) conceived through Clomid/IUI and our newest addition, born 6/08 after a surprise pregnancy. I am currently a working mommy, but I long to be home to raise them 24/7. We had been on an extended TTC break since March 2006 before getting pregnant on own own, after 1 failed Clomid cycle and 3 miscarriages (2 resulting from "successful" Clomid cycles)... We have a diagnosis for our recurrent losses - Homozygous MTHFR and Hashimoto's Thyroiditis.

Monday, October 05, 2009

It has been some time since I posted anything here - not sure why, except I am rather addicted to Facebook at the moment. ;)

Anywho, I think I have had, by far, the scariest day of my life last week - and one I would not want to repeat if I can help it.

People say, as you are TTC and/or are expecting, that you will never understand how strongly you will feel when your child is ill or injured. How your mind will just turn everything off except to focus on what is happening to your child and what it will take to make sure he/she is well.

Gabriel was hospitalized last week for a few days for a severe asthma attack.

Hubby and I were up all night with him Monday night because he was flippy while trying to sleep - barely sleeping, really, the entire night. We had given him a nebulizer treatment earlier in the evening because we knew he was having issues with his breathing - this has happened several times before already (last week was the fourth and most severe episode to date) and we knew what to do when he was starting to have issues. But, even with that treatment, he was still having some issues.

Tuesday morning came and his breathing was still rough - not too bad, but not what we had hoped to hear from the night before. Not knowing what I should do, I gave my MIL all of the meds he would need so she could do a nebulizer treatment that morning and told her to call me if he was getting worse or not getting better at all - I would call his pediatrician. She called me several times and each time, he seemed to be getting worse - even with the treatments. So, I called his pediatrician and got an appointment for right before lunch.

At 10:45 am, I flew out my office so I could pick him up and get him to the doctor's office. I am not sure how fast I was driving - but, making it from my office to my MIL's house to the pediatrician's office should NOT have taken me an hour. I shaved about a half hour off that time.

As we approached his office, I started to feel like I should have gone straight to the ER with Gabriel - but, not having ever really dealt with a child with asthma before, I also didn't want to be labeled the "overreactive parent." We parked the car and got Gabriel in to the building - and the office staff had us come right in, past all of the others waiting in the office. Once there, the doctor took a listen to him and immediately asked for meds to put in the nebulizer for him. He noted to me that, with a reaction this bad, we should have gone directly to the ER.

So, remind me to NEVER second guess that instinct.

After the treatment in his office, Gabriel seemed a little better - wheezing still, but not having very visible issues of struggling. He had us go home and immediately do another treatment - and, if by 3 pm, the wheezing was not gone or greatly lessened, he wanted us to go straight to the ER.

We got him, did the nebulizer, and waited. Called Hubby to come home. Waited.

3 pm came - and the wheezing was not any better - and you could see he was breathing fast and he was trying to breathe in so hard, you could see his skin tugging and pulling around his collar bone and ribs. I called the doctor and off we went to the ER.

With the Hubby in the car next to Gabriel, I was not as aggressive driving to the ER - it also helped to know that the doctor was calling ahead to the ER so they knew what was coming.

Once we got to the ER, nurses and residents and doctors were checking him and rechecking him, got the nebulizer going, had chest x-rays ordered, and IV started. After a few hours, we were told he would be admitted, and finally we were up in a room in Pediatrics around 9:30 pm.

Gabriel stayed in Peds for 2 days (meaning I didn't shower for 2 days either...ewwww!) - nebulizer treatments every 2 hours for the first 24 hours and finally that time began to stretch as h the wheezing became less and the tugging for breathe slowed. He was finally cleared to go home on Thursday afternoon when there was more risk of him picking up another virus at the hospital.

He is officially diagnosed with asthma now - and we have our Asthma Action Plan, so we know what to try before we have to head to the ER again. The Asthma Action Plan accompanies his Allergy Action Plan since we found out in late August he has food allergies too: Egg (which was causing his constant eczema), Tree Nuts, and Peanuts (a Level 4 food allergy requiring an EpiPen), as well as some of other environmental allergies.

We are hoping we can get our house sold before the winter really hits so we can find somewhere newer and easier to clean for him - our house is so old that no matter how much we clean, it is never going to be good enough for him.

Anyone who has experience with asthma in children and food allergies, comments and advice are welcome! We don't want Gabriel - or us - to go through this again.

....Especially on the topic of how do you get your MIL to NOT smoke in her own house so Gabriel can be there? We were told he should be in no environment where there has been smoke - and he is over at my MIL's house 2-3 times a week, at least! How do you tell someone they can't smoke in their own home???

Friday, January 23, 2009

The number just doesn't seem real to me - and I suppose I am in denial of being so close to 40 years old.

Crap.

Why is it, when you are in your teens, or college even, that you just NEVER think you would be this old?

Anyways, I have neglected here for almost 2 months - sorry, lots of stuff going on that I will try to elaborate on and vent about over the weekend. To sum up: I am surrounded by sick kids and family members who only can think of themselves - and unload their baggage on me. It's bringing me down big time...and making the anxiety levels go up. Not a good combination when I am trying to spend the little time I have with my boys and am awaiting a promotion at work.

...Where's my xanex...

I feel like my year and half of therapy is down the toilet and I am back where I started again.

Even bigger crap...

I do want to thank everyone who responded to my HPV questions in December. I since had a colposcopy (12/29) and the results were normal. SIGH!!

Dr. D gave me the various scenarios on how I could have ended up with this - and we will never be able to pin it down since this is the first time I as screened for it with a PAP. In the end, I feel that I don't think Hubby is straying - although I am still very hurt when I found a receipt in November from a local strip club for the amount of $250 that was visited the date of my first d&c (second miscarriage in November 2005). It was a very hard blow - one that I really let him have it over since I was crying my eyes out that day as he was whooping it up at the girlies (he claims it was for business...but, whatever). Anyways, I now have to make sure I have the annual PAP - no matter what.

Since my plans for tomorrow are no non-existent (part of my venting that is coming), I will try to log on to post a real update.

Until then...I guess I will have some cake tonight after we visit Hubby's grandfather who is on a rehab facility up here by us (yes, he is one of the "think only of ourselves" people).