Amber Chase's Musings on Cancer and Life

Just a quick post this morning before I go for my Chemo appointment. Who knows when I will feel up to sitting at the computer again.

Yesterday was a great day. I actually felt almost normal. I was able to take my two little boys, Caleb and Ammon, to the park. As I watched them run around and play, I got tears in my eyes thinking about how I used to take for granted being able to go spend a day at the park and watch my kids play. I was so glad to be able to have the energy to do something that used to be not such a big deal.

It was a perfect day. Caleb collected pine cones, and Ammon ate dirt and rocks and anything else I wasn't quick enough to take away from him before he shoved it in his mouth. I have learned not to take the simple things that make me laugh for granted. I am grateful that I now know to fully enjoy each moment!

We also went and got our family portrait taken last night at Beus park and pond in Ogden. A special thank you to the photographer, Haillee Biddle. She was fantastic and the picture is going to be fabulous! We will get a picture of the family up on the website once we get them back.

Well, here I am, up and about and on the computer. That is no small feat.. And to think just a few short weeks ago I spent tons of time doing things on the computer.

I had chemo on Monday and Weds this week. On monday I had a "mega" dose of Herceptin. And then on Wednesday I had Taxol. Starting next week I will get both of those drugs every Weds. Just a few weird side effects, a little nausea, and my hands and fingers feel hot and burning, and my mouth feels hot and dry.

I am still amazed by the outpouring of love and concern and giving that our family has been shown. Dan's work put together a wonderful gift of a family portrait and a family membership to the dinosaur park. I hope I have some days I feel well enough to go because I love the dino park! Thank you so much!

Some neighbors brought over a box full of goodies and activities for the kids. They will be so excited!

We have had so many cards and flowers, meals, and so many small acts of kindness.. We appreciate so much all of the love and conern. I usually like to send out thank you cards, but I can't even keep track of all of the people I need to thank.... PLus people keep on doing more and more things.... Please just know that we are so grateful.

Just a quick update. Amber started chemotherapy yesterday 5/21/2007. She is feeling pretty good considering. Her legs have really been crampy and sore. They gave her something for nausea so that has not been as much of a problem yet. She will have another dose on Wednesday, 5/23/2007. After that she will settle into a weekly routine of Wednesday chemo appointments. The schedule is three weeks on and one week off for four to six months. We continue to be humbled and amazed at the capacity of our friends, family and church members to show Christlike love toward Amber and our family. Thank you so much...we love you!

A little more than week ago I was diagnosed with Inflammatory Breast Cancer.With subsequent tests they have found that it is Stage 4 because it has spread to my bones and a tiny spot on my lung. I feel so blessed because of all of the inspiration and actions of others that hastened my diagnosis and got me in the care of Doctors who can heal me.Heavenly Father was truly looking out for me and guiding me to get the help I need.I have felt the love and concern of sisters in the gospel who I have never met before, but who listened to the promptings of the Spirit to get me the help that I need.

My doctor says that I have an excellent chance of going into remission.I will have 4-6 months of Chemotherapy, followed by a Mastectomy and then Radiation.My family and I have a long hard road ahead of us.A friend of ours quoted a scripture to us that says, “I know that he loveth his children; nevertheless, I do not know the meaning of all things.”(1 Nephi 11:17)

I don’t understand why I have been given this trial, but I do know that my Savior will be there every step of the way to help me and my family get through this. I have already felt His love and His strength as I have gone through the many tests and biopsies. I have felt so blessed by the priesthood blessings that I have received.Through the Atonement, my Savior has already been through the pain and sorrow of this, and he will strengthen me so I can bear this trial, and not only get through it, but get through it well.

I had my Portacath placed on Thursday May 17th.I was sad that night because I knew that this whole long road of chemo and surgery had begun, and it was really real, and there was no going back.Life was different from now on.I felt quite heavy hearted.

The next morning while I was lying on the couch in pain and miserable from my surgery the day before, there was a knock on the door.My mom answered the door and was told by the sister there that there would be a couple of people working in the flower beds for a while, so if we looked outside and saw people in the yard, that is what was going on.A little while later when I looked out the window, I was amazed by the army of women (and a few men) working to transform my yard. There were more people than I could count!They were there for hours, and then later even more people came and brought bark and spread it around all of the flower beds.We will never be able to express how grateful we are!!!Thank you to everyone who helped!

Even in the midst of this terrible trial, I have never felt more loved or more blessed!That so many would give of their time to make my flower beds more beautiful than they have been in ages, I feel so humbled!Thank you so much!Dan has been so worried about the yard with the shift of household responsibilities to him.You have lifted his burden so much!Words seem so trite, but we are so grateful!We are amazed at the outpouring of love we have felt from the phone calls, meals already brought, and all of the offers of help.It makes me think of the scripture Mosiah 24:14-15 “14. And I will also ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage; and this will I do that ye may stand as witnesses for me hereafter, and that ye may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions.

“15. And now it came to pass that the burdens which were laid… were made light; yea the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord.”

There have been so many stories of afflictions and trials that people have suffered through in the scriptures and church history.My trial is so much easier that what so many others have gone through.I don’t know why, but I know that Heavenly Father does, and that this is His plan, and that he will cause many more wonderful things to happen through this trial.I pray that I can be an example and that someday I will be able to serve others the way that others have so unselfishly been serving me and my family.Thank you so much once again for all of your prayers and kindnesses.We love you all and are so grateful!

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