Friday, May 28, 2010

There is nothing funnier than hearing your two year old announce to the play date at the park: “Oh no! I forgot it! I forgot my wallet. It in the spaceship.” Unless it’s hearing your two year old announce to all of Walmart (while speaking of the female employee who helped you): “Where she going? I like girls!”

Hugs should last at least two minutes and involve laying your head on a shoulder, sticky hands, and a big smile.

Hugs should also always end by placing your hands on the other persons cheeks, very softly and gently, and saying, “I love you.”

When you don’t want to do something, such as clean up your toys or sit on the potty, all you have to do is say, “I DON’T clean up.” or “I DON’T sit on potty.” VERY forcibly. (It doesn’t usually work on moms, but sometimes on dads.)

Never - and I mean NEVER - put the garden hose right up to your face to see why it isn't working.

Reading books is super easy. All you do is open them up at random, take a quick peek at the picture, say something like “a da ba da la da da!” and turn the page. Repeat.

Baths are super fun. Until it comes time to actually clean yourself.

There is no need to remember manners or rules, unless someone else breaks them. Then you must remind the other person, preferably loudly AND in public, “We don’t throw, Mommy!” or “You didden say pwease!”

Going potty in the potty should be followed by praise, the potty dance, more praise and high fives - in that order - no matter who just went potty or where you are (i.e. Mommy in the big stall at Target.)

Lip kisses are essential to bedtime well-being.

Mommy is ALWAYS the best. Unless Oma (Grandma) is around.

You can totally throw all of the clean clothes that were just folded into a pile on the floor while looking all sweet and innocent and call it “helping.” This is one I am going to do more often.

Band-aids are absolutely NOT for when you are bleeding. They are for when you bump your elbow, nick your finger, hit your head, scrape your leg SLIGHTLY or really, just when you want to look cool.

There is nothing cooler than a two year old who can sing all the words to “The Sun Song” by They Might Be Giants. Unless it is a two year old who can quote Monty Python.

Apparently, all dogs say woof, all cats say meow, all sheep say baaaaa, but all elephants say (holds arm up to nose and waves it around, trunk-style).

Those small, round, chocolate candy coated things? They are called numanums because they taste so good.

If I’m playing with it, it’s mine. If you’re playing with it, it’s mine. If it’s lying on the ground completely forgotten and then you pick it up, it’s mine.

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