Well, I bet Mitch McConnell wishes he could have kept the Senate health care billsecret until after the vote. First that whole representative democracy thing got in the way, then the CBO came out with a report that basically confirmed everyone’s worst fears about this terrible bill.

You just can’t make this stuff up, and if you did, people would say you’re full of it. Yes, on the day after firing FBI Director James Comey, President Trump met with Russian foreign minister Sergey Lavrov and Henry Kissinger. Everything’s fine. There’s no constitutional crisis, just ask Sergey Lavrov!

So it turns out Trump Branded Solutions work not only in the present but in the past, too! If only the supposedly-Trumpian Andrew Jackson had been around to get a better deal, the Civil War would’ve been averted. Since President Trump knows how to fix up the past, just think of all the good work his administration could do across history.

I’m a little surprised it took President Trump this long to figure out where the Tomahawk launch button was in the Oval Office. These neat little cruise missiles have been the go-to “safe” weapon of choice for U.S. foreign policy for decades now. (And they look so beautiful when they launch from ships!)

Well, the babyfaced, bedimpled Jared Kushner sure has his hands full. From hopping into Iraq to being in charge of negotiating Middle East peace, to making the United States government more “innovative” and like a business, President Trump has put a lot on Kushner’s plate.