Did you ever dream that you were a dog agility super champ except then it switched and you were at some germy, grungy, derelict seaside park in the dark and the carnies were actually drug addled zombies that were shambling after you with hammers and their big teeth? And then as you're trying to escape your way out from under their oily, horrible claws by clambering up a rat infested palm tree, you're all, this is about dog agility like, how?

19 November 2012

A picture is worth a thousand words, so then shouldn't a picture plus a thousand words get you totally extra bonus points, thus winning a spot closer to heaven?

Hello and good Monday Morning! Here is a word from our Sponsor.

Hi. It's still me. As I don't have any sponsors other than myself. You know me, right? Laura H. who is the lady with Team Small Dog. In my head, I used to be a potential top agility handler. Then I realized I wasn't, actually, and was mediocre. But I am a top mediocre agility handler!

I also used to be known as an artist, one time ago, in other people's heads. That career basically was tossed in the can because I didn't like phoning people up or having these stupid things called art shows. And then there was that whole fancy designer phase that involved a lot of black platform shoes and deep breathing. Long story short, it was easier to just ride horses.

But I thought the other day, perhaps I should have some MORE MONEY! To buy Christmas presents and food! To keep the gore-tex shoes from pushing me off the fiscal cliff! More money so I could drop out of society and drive a little trailer to the top of Alaska! More money for less dog teeth!

Soooo. The Secret falls off the fiscal cliff for Black Friday! It is the holidays and you need some dog art even though culture as we know it is tanking big time. Because nothing says cheer up sad global warming, oil depletion and economic crisis frowns like dog art!

And you know where you should probably get it? Like think in your head, and think positive, please, because, the Secret teaches us to think about MORE MONEY. Think think think think think….hmmm where could I get some custom dog art while sitting here on my ass before I go to the Sales of the Black Friday for giant tv's from flustered and underpaid Walmart employees or Nordstroms?

A ONE OF A KIND, CUSTOM, approximately 4x6" drawing in ink and other mixed medias depending on variables rendered on paper. The variables live in my head. This theoretical drawing is of your dog, and it will have some words. I cannot guarantee that you will like it. But I damn sure think you should/would/could. And at this price, if you hate it, hell, how about regift it at your dog parties?

How do you order? You send me an email to this top secret email address: laurah@plasticdisaster.com. In your email, you gush on about your dog, everything you would like to tell me about he or she and the awesomeness he or she flaunts on a daily basis and for special occasions. And you attach to this email some of your favorite photos, that I will select to use. So don't email me a photo you hate, or words you wouldn't want drawn, ok?

You send me a paypal to this top secret email address as well, for the Low Low price of $27 for the drawing plus $5 shipping and handling fee to the US or Canada. A total of $32.

This is CHEAP, people!

The ordering window starts Friday, November 23, the day we now weirdly and newly know as BLACK FRIDAY and closes when I am all, phew, that was a terrible idea. Or December 12, 2012. You will have your super special drawing of specialness mailed to you before Christmas. Yes indeed.

Also. I really like drawing words and dogs. I could sit and do this all day.

3 comments:

Have you ever thought about maybe a calendar? An Otterpop calendar specifically? I think you might be able to sell a boat load of those, tho there are upfront costs I would imagine...

I would very much like a TSD calendar, though a custom made drawing or two would be pretty darn nice as well. Only problem with that is I would have to take initiative to frame and hang such art---or relegate it to join the stacks of other nice posters and frameable items that I have been meaning to frame and hang for years... Decisions.

I have thought of calendars, then I think, who still uses calendars? Liz still uses calendars. You think a boatload of people still use calendars?

I think custom drawings are WAY better than calendars! Original drawing! Your own pet! Fits in little frames you can get at Target! Cheap enough you can also just magnet or tape to your refrigerator! Everyone should probably have LOTS of them!

Operators are still standing by. Many orders in yet many could still be accomodated!

Hey custom calendars! I am excellent at drawing numbers, following the rules of ordinal numbers-just like agility cones, you could get a custom calendar!

Laura Hartwick, Captain

Many people around Santa Cruz know Laura as the lady with all those little black dogs. Many people know her as a horse trainer. Many people know her as the artist with the small brushes. Many people know her as that hoity graphic designer.
None of them would be wrong.
All the dogs of Team Small Dog, righteously awesome.
Laura Hartwick is usually a nice person. Except when she isn't. Be nice, don't bite, and run faster.