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Author
Topic: HIV out in Public and trying to Have a good time with Non - HIV @ Happy Hour (Read 13570 times)

Well hello everyone.. another Happy Hour - Friday night has come and gone and I left alone due to my choice. Im not a bad looking guy, & I do alright ..but when it gets time to seal the deal, I remember what I have and what I cant do without protection .. and converstaion. ( Converstaion = informing the other person that I am HIV. ) Anyways .. I am home once again alone and am going to wake up tomorrow with a new day starting. I have been a member of a couple of online paid dating sites for at least 2 years and have met maybe 3 .. or 4 potential females for a possible relationship, but they all ended in a dead end. I dont know why people that choose to join a dating site online never fullfill their desire to have a relationship. All I asked for on these sites is a female that is Thin / Attractive / Loves the beach / and is Drama free.. guess that is a large order to fullfill. She doesnt have to work as I do allright money wise .. but it wouldnt hurt to contribute. I see so many people with HIV on disability and requesting SS which in my opinion is sad. If you can type and be in a chat room 10 hours a day then you can get a job and support yourself as well. Anyways .. my initial point being is that these females where I live think of you as a Sugar Daddy and want you to support them in their life's goals...anyways .. 1 simple female thats not over weight .. attractive .. and has no drama in her life is all I ask for .. its not alot .. I cook .. I clean .. I have my own finances and pay the bills .. without ever having a cigarette or drug in my life. I do have the occassional happy hour cocktail every friday to relax with friends, but it doesnt make me a drug addict or alcoholic. Anyways .. if youre a female and think you might be what im looking for.. then dont waste 1 min to contact me, everyone have a Great night .. im off to bed to start a new day .... God Bless . If you want better photos if youre a female then send an email to me and I ll forward you pictures. I have nothing to hide but wont send offensive pictiures, just normal ones.

I'm one of those sad people on SS . After losing my insurance social security and medicare has kept me alive . I spend allot of time typing away online , it helps me to stay sane because I'm uninsured , unemployed and bored out of my mind most days . Don't misinterpret my tone here I'm not angry that people think I'm a slacker , there is a good reason for me being on SS . I don't think many people would willingly choose to live this way , poor and marginalized . At least I'm alive and who knows if my prayers are answered maybe one day I can work and pay taxes again and even afford a day at the beach myself .

Miami~ Best of luck to you in your quest for a relationship. It isn't easy! I dated and dated lots of neggie guys, disclosing right and left, with lots of rejection. Its been 12 years since my husband died of AIDS and being single can sometimes weigh on a person. I am in my 4th LTR since he's passed. I have had the LEAST amount of luck on Poz sites, so I have always tried others, where it was ALL neggie men.

I have found a great neggie guy and we have been together 6 months. It takes time, but don't give up!

Don't post often so it must have been your charming personality that has led me to post here. I can't believe a gem like you has not been taken. Why? If I was not married right now I would fly my employed butt....

I'm one of those sad people on SS . After losing my insurance social security and medicare has kept me alive . I spend allot of time typing away online , it helps me to stay sane because I'm uninsured , unemployed and bored out of my mind most days . Don't misinterpret my tone here I'm not angry that people think I'm a slacker , there is a good reason for me being on SS . I don't think many people would willingly choose to live this way , poor and marginalized . At least I'm alive and who knows if my prayers are answered maybe one day I can work and pay taxes again and even afford a day at the beach myself .

O RLY? Well, you should be. Allow me to be offended on your behalf then. Listen up, Miami: It's mighty damn presumptuous of you to make such sweeping statements about what people are and ought to be doing. Some of the people typing away here are doing so from a horizontal position, sugar...recuperating at home or even posting live from the hospital bed. And a good many of them may be vertical, but are still suffering from all manner of ailments about which you know nothing about. So pipe down already and go sailing or something.

Quote

She doesnt have to work as I do allright money wise

That's rich. You go from maligning people here on SS - who have not been so fortunate physically as you have been - to attempting to woo the women with a flash of cash in one big sweep. Charming.

No luck on the dating front? Color me suprised.

And Cindy...I gotta disagree with you on this one. I don't think Mr. Miami was playing very nice either, and some backlash is justified.

Hey guys, I didn't mean to offend. I certainly understand that many here are on SS and disability, but who am I to get into a pissing war with Miami? I try to read posts and just tell myself that people are venting.

I identified with the difficulty Miami was having with dating, as you guys know I went through a rough time last year.

I think Opti was pretty damn harsh, but I see both points of view (Miami's dating dilemma and Opti's offense at the statement).

I see so many people with HIV on disability and requesting SS which in my opinion is sad. If you can type and be in a chat room 10 hours a day then you can get a job and support yourself as well.

Maybe you should get out more. I volunteer at a local ASO and over the years have delivered meals to the disabled. Some whose only contact with the outside world is their computer. Some were blind, some were amputees, some were bat shit crazy. Each had one thing in common they would have traded places with just about anyone.

I am not gonna say what I really want too but I was waiting on someone to call this guy out on his statement about people on SS. No one has any right to determine someones eligibility for benefits based on their belief that if they can sit in a chat room all day they can support themselves. All some people are able to do on their best days is chat to keep themselves occupied.

Miami, you've mixed the issues up here and it doesn't serve your main one well -- wanting to find someone in your life.

Focus on what you are looking for in your life and skip the judgemental comments about those who are on SS and disability. In my experience blanket judgements of that sort are NEVER accurate and at the very least are hurtful and insensitive to the real life situations of others, including some of our membersi. Just speak from the "I" perspective about your problems and your quest and don't go any further into that other area which is totally irrelevant to what you started out talking about.

As for everyone else, this is the sort of "discussion" that can easily degenerate so I'll just say that now several people have expressed their ire at Miami, back off a bit before sparks become flames. Thanks for your cooperation.

Look, Miami: I had a peek at your posting history. I see you are new here and don't appear to be a bad fella, really. I just think you made some rather inappropriate and sweeping statements without carefully thinking them through. At least, that is what I would like to think is the case here. Welcome to AIDS Meds 101 - we are very protective of our own. And in situations like this, immediate cases spring to our minds from those among our family so we want to defend them.

So after tearing you a new one, allow me to say: Welcome to the forums!

yeah, thats a tough statement you made. ill have to back cindy on this one, dating is a bitch. in all fairness, a lot of people on ssi are on it for valid reasons. and yes, while some can work, if they happened to lose their job due to illness, fatigue, pn, or any other malady they may find themselves without income & medical coverage. it's really not their fault, as the system is broken and does not reward people who try to work.

back to your main point. dating is a bitch. dating online is even worse. all i can say is cast a bigger net. loosen up on the preferences and be willing to travel. are there any aso's, yahoo groups, or poz travels or retreats in your area? what about volunteering for an aso or aids org? you'd extend your network and possibly meet someone this way. im not saying this shit is easy or that you have endless hours to meet the perfect mate, just offering other ways of meeting people. good luck on your quest and welcome to the forums. if you are successful in your adventure, please share you story. to date, i have not been successful in mine. i do not volunteer, but i am a member of 2 hiv groups and have found one poz activities group. fortunately, i live by los angeles.

Hmm, I figured I would wait and see what everyone else was going to say about Miami. I was more than ready to rip him a new one. In all honesty, it sounds to me like Miami is looking for some type of Barbie. Isn't there a chick out there who actually did plastic surgery to make herself look like Barbie? Instead of looking here maybe you should do a google search.

It's great that you have money and is living LARGE. Maybe you need to get out in the real world and see how people struggle to live with the disability check they receive. I get one, did not want one but was told that I couldn't work a job anymore. I may not be rich with money but I am rich in personality which means more to me than looking for a person who based on their appearance. You say you have your own money and it doesn't matter if SHE works, hmm, sounds like you're looking for a gold digger to me, shouldn't be hard at all to find those in Miami.

I don't know why, except for one freak I have been so lucky on the poz sites, to meet the nicest kindest men. Even though nothing came out of it romantically.

Once I met a guy on Poz or Pozmatch, can't remember. He was from 2-3 hours away so that was a good start. We had a good chat on MSN for about 2 hours. At some point he turned on a webcam, and I saw something strange. It turned out that half his face and whole body were paralized from toxoplasmosis, which was how he was diagnosed - first with the toxo then with AIDS. His wife had died from AIDS too. I remember being really shocked b/c his CD4s at the time were twice as many as I had been diagnosed with, a little lower than what I had at the time. I understood how close I was to his state, bedridden, dependent on others, on help from the state, totally and forever. He was not looking for love he said, he just wanted to talk to someone, we kept talking and he asked for my picture, I sent him one. I'll never forget what he did, he improved my picture using some program and sent it back to me, so that I would have a nicer portrait to send other men.

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"If you keep one foot in yesterday, and one in tomorrow, you piss all over today". Betty Tacy

on a side note. the guy im trying to date is turning out to be a prude. im still pursuing this, but damnit, my whorish ways may be too much for him. we were talking the other day and he listed 4 reasons he didn't want to go to an event. my response, those are all great reasons to go!!! (white party - drunken men, randy sex, acting a fool, and partying all night). like, what if i catch him checking out some hot guy and decide i'd want to watch them have sex? sheez, i have a job, i go to school, and above all that trivial bullshit (the great american dating standards) i am a nice guy who wants the world to be a better place, is it horrible that i want my partner to be really dirty in bed?

Next2U, nothing happened. We didn't stay in touch afterwards, we were not friends it was a one time online encounter. He disappeared, I didn't see him online again when I used messenger, and I guess I was also dealing with a lot of stuff to try to contact him again. You can say it was a chance encounter. I mean not by chance but he was not looking for a relationship online in his state, I guess he was looking for someone to talk to just that evening. Months and months later he sent me some invitation to some site, but I never followed it.

I guess that was my association for people spending hours in chats... I had a feeling that he didn't want anyone feeling sorry for him, he said he had what he needed & he was complete with his life, that his helper would help him get on the street in the wheelchair and in the summer he's sit on the promenade and have a beer and he didn't need anything that he didnt have. I have no really idea what went on in his mind, but if I have to guess, he couldn't even entertain the hope of ever getting with a woman and he had to adapt to that awful reality and make himself really accept it.

But a little urge remained, and I guess he wanted to be in control where he was equal as a man meeting a woman, which is where the internet came in... He didn't tell me right away, but once I knew about him, he turned it around like he was helping me, and help me with my quest. It was just giving each other something we needed that evening (though not sex, romance or dating, but still something). He needed to be gallant and I needed to believe in male kindness.

« Last Edit: April 19, 2008, 02:24:20 PM by Dragonette »

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"If you keep one foot in yesterday, and one in tomorrow, you piss all over today". Betty Tacy

I'm not offended. I've been on SS before. I'm not currently. There are people on SS that don't need to be. Don't anyone try to argue with me about that one. But there are plenty who are on disability who legitimately need to be as well.

His post wasn't intended to offend anyone. Good grief. The no fat chicks thing kinda amused me but hey, he is the one looking for a partner and is well within his rights to post what suits his fancy. If I could live comfortably and not have to work hell yeah I'd be all for doing that. His choice of words just rubbed some of ya'll wrong. It seems to me his post was not an intent to piss anyone off. I'm sure he will be more aware of some peoples sensitivities before he posts again. And if he doesn't, oh well. I don't believe it was intended as a personal attack. So its not a big deal to me.

Its hard as hell to find a partner who fits all your desires. Best of luck to you.

I'm not offended. I've been on SS before. I'm not currently. There are people on SS that don't need to be. Don't anyone try to argue with me about that one. But there are plenty who are on disability who legitimately need to be as well.

His post wasn't intended to offend anyone. Good grief. The no fat chicks thing kinda amused me but hey, he is the one looking for a partner and is well within his rights to post what suits his fancy. If I could live comfortably and not have to work hell yeah I'd be all for doing that. His choice of words just rubbed some of ya'll wrong. It seems to me his post was not an intent to piss anyone off. I'm sure he will be more aware of some peoples sensitivities before he posts again. And if he doesn't, oh well. I don't believe it was intended as a personal attack. So its not a big deal to me.

Its hard as hell to find a partner who fits all your desires. Best of luck to you.

Gee thanks for explaining it to us Winnie, guess we should just dismiss the feelings of the people that were offended now that you say it's OK.

Well let me start by saying I'm very sorry if I offended anyone here. I maybe should have reevaluated the way I posted this thread. I do know that there are people on SS and really need the help .. no doubt about that.. what maybe I wanted to say was there are some people that abuse the system which takes away from the people that really need the help with bills ... medical care and what ever else they need to get by in life.. these abusers are physically fit with nothing stopping them from going out getting what ever they want in life. I met one female who is HIV and working as a stripper in a NYC Club sliding up and down on a pole and collecting SS , I dont see that being right. Am I looking for a gold digger ? no I'm not ..Ive tried the poz online sites with some meets and connections, but like alot of you know, it ain't easy. I know it takes time and patience...guess i was just having one of my moods last night when I vented and didn't think before I posted. Once again .. I'm sorry for anyone getting offended .. I ll now send myself to the timeout bench.

Well gee smarty pants. I don't believe I suggested you should share my opinion.

Love ya.

Sorry W, but I just thought it a tad presumptuous of you to tell us what Miami meant. He's a big boy, he can tell us what he meant if he chooses. We don't need a translator. More importantly, I'm not wearing pants.

Miamiguy I see now that you really mean no malice here , but its clear that you just don't understand how some people get trapped in a system that is not designed for people who suffer life long chronic health conditions . I have had to work while collecting SS just to eat and put a roof over my head . Some might think I abused the system I feel like Ive been abused by the system . Its all too complex to discuss in a simple post within a thread .

Hi Miami, Welcome to AM.When I was reading your post, I noticed you said you left alone because you knew what you could and couldn't do and the conversation. JUst a thought, but perhaps just keep the goal to leave with some phone #'s exchanged. When I met my first BF in a club after I became pos, we just exchanged #'s. We went on a few dates and I got to know him before I had the conversation. He got to know me as something other than just a guy with HIV, and we were together for almost a year ( he's neg.)

Miamiguy I see now that you really mean no malice here , but its clear that you just don't understand how some people get trapped in a system that is not designed for people who suffer life long chronic health conditions . I have had to work while collecting SS just to eat and put a roof over my head . Some might think I abused the system I feel like Ive been abused by the system . Its all too complex to discuss in a simple post within a thread .

I agree with you jg.....it's a very complex situation.

Miamiguy, I realize that you meant no malice, apology accepted. Some of us are a bit touchy. I speak only for myself here, but in my particular case, it's a "pride" thing. You see, AIDS has stolen pretty much everything from me, including most of my dignity. So I can be a tad too sensitive to comments that were not directed to me, specifically.

Best of luck in your search for a mate.

hugs,Alan

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"Remember my sentimental friend that a heart is not judged by how much you love, but by how much you are loved by others." - The Wizard of Oz

It's good you clarified what you meant. Uh, a stripper collecting SS, as hard as I am trying, I can't think of a thing to say in her defense. I thought strippers got paid pretty good unless she's one of those strippers with stretch mark and dimples in her ass....*shudders*...Maybe she got a slew of kids? Oh forget it!!!

Future reference from someone from the hood, take it for what it is worth to ya. I wouldn't put it openly out there that you are financially made, maybe say stable. And don't mention sailing right away. You got to leave 'em wondering. It scares the gold diggers away, well, most of them.

As for people abusing the system, well, that's not up to use to call who is and who's not. As for the stripper, well, I was one many years ago, and can tell you that the job doesn't require a whole lot to do, just conning and dancing. Believe me, if I could get away with it (living on SSDI/stripping) I probably would also. But, years, weight etc. has affected me too much.

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I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

As for people abusing the system, well, that's not up to use to call who is and who's not. As for the stripper, well, I was one many years ago, and can tell you that the job doesn't require a whole lot to do, just conning and dancing. Believe me, if I could get away with it (living on SSDI/stripping) I probably would also. But, years, weight etc. has affected me too much.

My first thought is that stripping doesn't provide health insurance, and that the stripper is stays on SS to maintain her Medicare coverage. Alas, HIV complicates EVERYTHING in terms of going back to work

People reading here that are NOT on SS need to keep this in mind: once you go on SS and, for example, it takes you 5 years to get your body physically back up to speed, how do you explain a 5 year hole on your resume? Should we all be forced to take a job such as stripping, which has no medical insurance, because it's the only employer willing to hire us?

As Alan said, this issue doesn't work well with simplistic black and white thinking. I wish it did, but it doesn't.