-Anytime you hear a Thanksgiving related pun, e.g Danksgiving from the high-school stoner cousin or Pranksgiving from the weird, childish uncle.

-For every time your family references your nationality, like “of course we say that kind of thing; we’re Irish/Polish/Aryan Nation/etc.”

-Every instance the family vegetarian is derided for not eating meat.

-Whenever your personal relationship status is inquired upon. This includes all “are you seeing anyone,” “how is so-and-so; why couldn’t they make it,” “when are you getting married,” and “is the homosexual phase you’re going through over yet?”

Three Drinks:

-Anytime you realize literally everyone at the dinner table is simultaneously shouting.

-Anytime post-gorge when you feel any bit of remorse instead of elation as a result of your aggressive binge.

-Anytime a family member, over the age of small children, falls down out of drunkenness, food slippage, or vertigo.

-You see the Santa at the end of the parade on TV. Finish your drink if it’s Black Santa.

Pound Your Drink:

-Anytime a parent tells you to “slow down” in regards to your drinking.

-When the pumpkin pie comes out and you realize you fucking hate pumpkin pie.

Shotgun a Beer:

-Whenever that topic you give exactly zero shits about come up during dinner, please kindly excuse yourself, grab a nice shot glass of gravy if you think you’ll need a chaser, and retreat to the backyard and shotgun away.

Justin Gawel is an adult baby from Michigan whose articles appear on BroBible most Thursdays. Look for more of his writing, his BroBible.com archive, and his updates at www.justingawel.com or follow him @justingawel on Twitter.