Thursday, July 19, 2012

i will like to share with you all a good news! I've got positivitism all around me =)

yesteday afternoon i was feeling down, because i thought i am now a better person and a better girlfriend. I was depressed about my bulging weight and the unpredictable appetite that i've recently attain. I attribute it all to the Pill i was taking and how the side effects are taking place.

bbbbb wasnt good with his words, as soon as i drop him a note about my concern, i immediately assumed some consolation i would have told myself if i were him. bbbb didnt said those words i wanted to hear, why would he? He was neither me nor was he living inside me to know what i would like to hear.

bbbbb suggested i stop taking the medication! Why would i want to do it, haven't i hesitate about taking it for the longest time? Some silly arguement later he text "aloud" --> your temper is getting worst

This is a lie! I am not getting worst, in fact i had been getting better - my mental health, my thinking and my appreciation of everything - in Particularly- our relationship. I got upset, i havent really got upset since a long time ago. I think bbbb was lying, he isnt seeing the beautiful picture i have seen.... then on i spiral into an emotional roller coaster ride.

I got quite upset, i texted my best friend. I didnt want to give Sharon a chance to console me immediately, i didnt want to sink further into the emotional dark circle i've now gathered around me. I ended my text to her with a rant, followed by a sign off. I was relieved to let out my thoughts but i wasnt ready to hear any more thing that i might consider a lie.

Not long after, bbbbbbbb apologized... bbbbb never really apologize unless he knows for sure he needs to say them out. He explain the "getting worst" part refers to the times when i've already sinked into depression. He clarifies that my handling of emotion when i am already depressed is getting worst, that's true, i havent work on my emotion handling just yet... If i had been happy all the time, i wouldn't have the depression we will all have to dealt with.

With that note, we ended that conversation.... but i cannot seem to get the thoughts out of my head. Was i doing it all wrongly? Had i neglected everyone around me while i was working so hard on being happy?

Then i remembered the book "The Alchemist" i've read that talks about how we can talk to our heart. And so i did~ i told myself i had never felt this happiness by counting my blessings and showing my gratitude than before. With all the things i've been thanking recently- i feel genuine happiness surrounding me.

Its true! While some friends have chosen to leave this circle of happiness i am spreading, others are slowly picking up the happy feelings and spreading them around too... I am really happy at my life now, i have the life that i saw myself having at this stage. It True!

- Everything that surrounded me are positive stuff. Sharon had the best wedding ever and i am super involve into making it happen.
- We can finally plan for a house, the sort of bedroom i wanted, and with the saving habit i am picking up, i can afford the simple bedroom i really wanted
- The iphone has wonderful apps that allows me to travel to the places around Singapore i never knew i could
- I've finally pick up running, the sort of running where i feel like i have to clock at least once per week
- i pick up all the attires i will wear the next day via Pinterest, this used to be a chore because i couldnt decide on how i can pair the my existing wardrobe with the outfits that i've seen on the magazine, with Pinterest, the choices are limitless!

With some examples here and a whole lot more! i am happy, i should truthfully be!

Later the same afternoon, after knocking off work. I had set my mind to get my running routine done, the weather had not been in my favor (maybe it did because i was thinking about lazing). While walking along the same route to head to Pioneer Station, i caught sight of a familiar silhouette walking towards me.

How could this moment ever been more touching than i would have imagine it to be? I had to catch my breathing as he makes his way towards me, apologizing for hurting my feelings earlier and offered me a bottle of chestnut drink knowing how i often feel thirsty while walking home.

Maybe it was the happiness i had immerse myself in, for the first time i feel really really thankful for having this man iny my life.. Its true! bbbbb had drop me surprise visits several times ever since i started working here, but i had never had that sort of appreciation i would have had yesterday.

It was a feeling too amazing to describe, its like - for a second you care not about the people walking past you, your vision is focus, it really is.... you had your eye only for the man walking towards you because you feel like he was here to sort out the one thing that had pollute your mind for the whole afternoon, and this acknowledgement makes you happy =)

we catch up over a simple dinner, i wanted to see him smile, so i suggested KFC. Little does anyone know how you can cheer someone up by a simple task of picking a food you know will lit up him up. We chat about our arguement earlier, we cleared the air, and bbbbbbb couldnt agree more that i have indeed improve as a girlfriend in our relationship.

It Works!!!~ i never knew how something can be TRUE as long as i BELIEVE it is TRUE. but this time it is =) He agrees readily how i had really become a better other half and for that he is appreciative.
You know how relationship drags by the years, it really does!!~ Somewhere along the fine line, you forget you have the right to call it quit and pick a better other half and restart the sparkle and experience the magical moments once again. The good feeling can come by over and over again as long as you want to restart the cycle. I always knew with my heart how i can make my decision about my life the way i want to experience, yet i've chosen to do something even MORE magical, i picked the same partner over and over again and work with my positivity to re-create the sparkle and magical moments.

Although i cannot say for sure how this sort of re-generate feelings can been done over and over again, i know as long as you remind yourself you have the rights to choose a better other half - then look at your current "half" and try as you might to match the picture... You'll be surprise how i see bbbbb all the time time and receive a tinge of shiver/shyness each time as thou we had only just met and fell "suddenly" attached.

The same night Sharon text me a reply apologizing for not replying me earlier, she used the EXACT mode i had influence her earlier to cheer me up. She reminded me the importance of staying opportimistic, like i did when we head out cycling.

She reminded to recall the story of the weather that faithful Sunday, positivity was got me out of any problem i was facing.... Thank you besties.... i am so happy you saw what i was trying to spread to you, and in return you shed me lights on how i had to keep this spirit going.

Thank you for the wonderful wednesday, i skip my running (in return bbbbbbb promise we will run toegther this weekend so i will feel less guilty)Thank you for the extra food i ate and in return the guilt i felt (My mum and dad had to remind me how i was NOT putting on weight and that i am already eating so little before the pill, so the extra intake of food just sort of balance my lifestyle. This words were coming out from my parents who always beat around the bush showing their love :)Thank youfor the honest text to Clarinda about how i needed to work on my welfare (for that we text a little more often and she ask me about her choice of airlines to head back to SG)Thank you for the simple dinner bbbbb and i had (it gives me less guilt drinking the HUGE koi bubble tea i pack home later.. which were skillfully shared between my brother, sister mum n dad for some silly excuses they give while passing the cup around.. hahaha)Thank you for the morning FB checking ( i had a shock at the 13 likes received for the status i log in about being thankful for bbbbb surprise visit. I feel sooooooooo loved by everyone, i really did )Thank you for the continuous sporty invites from the friends (with bowling this afternoon with ex-colleagues, super damn glad for their existence, and the guy's fear of ME because i appear "fierce")Thank you for the company of the secondary school friends, 4 people who lead extremely different lives attempting to meet super often to work on a friendship we see the importanceThank you for the life i always wanted, for coming true, for Kristal being appreciative.

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

I've encounter my first experince with positivity vibe, and i am beginning to talk "The Secret" like its a religion, but really, it is just me believing the outcome of being H-A-P-P-Y =))))

So it's really going to sound crazy and unbelievable how the good vibes bring about series of fortunate events, but i'll pen it down anyway =)

bbbbb left for a last-min business trip to Macau and that leaves with me with at least 3 weekdays and 1 weekend by myself. Unlike the usual boring week i've plan in advance to seek asylum at Besties - more known as Mrs Tan now.. haha

We wanted the time spent together to be unlike the usual, thus took special effort to plan a series of event, one most interesting one including cycling at East Coast.

The idea of cycling along East Coast was decided after considering several others:

Hiking along Bukit Timah

Tree top walk

jogging along Macritchie Reservoir

workout at Bishan Stadium

Gym at YCK stadium

Swim

Finally it was set at East Coast! Only problem was i didnt had my ready-navigator (bbbbb who is super good with road navigation via bus/train/walk)

i took up a challenge download gothere.sg, Iris & Iphone Map.. and i found my way... Technology is amazing.

Love the crocheted details on my shorts =)

The Magical Happiness

As i left the house that morning to travel to east coast, Mum woke up and demanded i brought along the umbrella.

The weather that morning did not look promising, the sky was dark and the wind was strong, i knew Mum was right about her premonition, yet i was secretly worried our plan for the day will be compromise given the bad weather - we hadnt plan for a wet-weather program!

However, i exercise my positivity (i know.. this is super irrelevant, and nobody would ever thought of challenging the weather with positivity), i took the umbrella like Mum had advised, left the house, just as it was about to rain. I shelter myself from the slight drizzle and started my journey (earlier than Besties for her distance was shorter)... along the way i whatsapp besties about my excitement (both at exploring new route to ECP and at cycling later) Despite her hint, i excuse the thoughts of the possibility to cancel the plan if it rains.

At one point i finally texted this "Let's stay positive, this is going to be a pass by rain!!! "

i had no idea how this surge of confident came into me, Besties obviously wasnt going to believe what i had texted. Nevertheless, she was game for turning up at ECP, whether or not we get to do some sports.. She even joke that travelling to ECP for MacDonald breakfast sounds like an equally fantastic idea.

Eventually i reach ECP and waited for Besties/Besties-in-law at Macdonald/.. the rain was still irritably drizzling, but not too long into our lunch, the sun came out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Secret: do not overthink on the possibility of a good outcome. Treat the Universe like a shopping cart, once you've found the item you wish to purchase you only click on the option once before proceeding to checkout the shopping cart. You must be THIS confident that the Universe will deliver to you whatever you've ordered.

We were elated at the beautiful weather and enjoyed our lunch. Besties and i proceeded to rent our bikes and cycled through the park - back n forth, exploring places and watch human, sailer...

We did a couple of stop overs - checking out the people fishing along the jetty, cycling over to watch the sailing boat at a closer distance, at one point the chain on the cycle came loose... Besties cycled back to find me while i was figuring how to fix the chain without getting my hands dirty.

i also make a silly comment on how i find women exceptionally sexy when they dirtied their hands fixing stuff, like Megan fox would look really hot if she had oil stain across her face from change the tyre of a car.... #random.

Both Besties and i eventually got both our hands stain with oil, but like a meticulous health freak, she took out the life-saving supplies of wet-wipes and tissues, inspecting every inch of my fingers to ensure i was "clean"

we cycled to the market place and grab some sugarcane to quench the thirst... Besties got influence by my posivity and she mumbled how happy she was.... My magic is working =)

We then cycled back to the stone area where i did my last jumping shoots, like the picture mis-match here, Sharon n i attempted a couple of failed ones before eventually capturing the right timing...

We rested on the stone and chatted, watching the sun and sea... Then we return the bike as the rental time was due.

Another Happy Moment

Besties and freshen up at the Washing point in ECP, just as we did this the rain came by - suddenly.

i do want to believe this was pure coincidence, but the very moment we were done with our agenda for the afternoon, it as though the Universe knew it had done its job, the rain came pouring down, i thought i had heard some kids complaining how they have only just begun their bike rental

Everthing had happened like it was pre-rehearsed. I took out the umbrella Mum had told me to bring that morning and sheltered both of us to the nearest bus stop.

We did not plan for any activities apart from the cycling trip, and the rain hinted any further outdoor activites seems un-wise. However, this did not dampen our spirit, we explored ECP in the rain, trying to figure how we had use to walk through several HDBs before reaching a bus stop that could bring us "anywhere"..

There came to a point where the rain got too big and the wind was blowing really strong...i thought to myself "i had to maintain the positivity "

Besties and i seek shelter at the bus stop, unsure of where we should be heading next. We look through the options on the board and pointed our fingers in unanimous, it was decided that we shall grab a bus to City plaza..

Then i look into my bag and immediately - there was my towel all clean and dry!

i got us both wrapped in the towel amist the rain shower and than we were honestly thankful for all the good vibes that was surround us that day!!!

We run through all the "good luck" we had that day, everything that was carefully plotted to ensure the day was fantastic (i missed out the part where besties got lost while travelling to ECP and her hubby miraculously called to inform that he was nearby and picking her up to come meet me - this had happen even though she did not ask for help !)

For once, i thought i felt a strong pat on my back, i had survived trying stay super happy/positive and in return i've enjoyed the fruit of my labor

The eventful Saturday didnt ended just like that.. We headed to City plaza because our finger pointed at the same destination, and i recommended the Poon Nah You Mian i sooooooooooo loved that Pau had introduced me to, Besties enjoyed the noodle so much she is already planning to bring besties-in-law over to try this wholesome goodness....

While shopping, i also drag besties to the store i knew sold alot of manicure/pedicure products at a huge discount.... At that point besties almost exploded in happiness***The same store would never bring me this much happiness, but Besties was beaming from ear to ear, picking up different materials that she could use... i felt her happiness and this had directly translated into positivity vibes for me...

i pick up some tools i would love to see assembled together. Besties promise to design the most "Kristalised" iphone cover specifically for me. .. this trip to City plaza is soo worth while!!!.... and did i mention that the clothes store owner recognizes me as a regular and took 50% discount off a top i was eyeing.. i end up only spending $18 for a top that could easily cost me $30++ if i had bought it online... i am soooooo happy..

it sounded like i had combine so much stuff just to convince you the power of Positivity... .but i hadnt! i never had such good deals happening to me all in a day - or more like - i've never think back on the things that had happened to string into a series of positive events!

Being thankful for every tiny positive things does INDEED attracts more positive stuff to happen to you. If you could immerse yourself into this meagre happiness like i did, you will be feeling "special" because you will feel "pampered" by everyone, everything!

Thank you for the opportunity to smile, thank you for stringing my positivity into more positivity...