While pleasing on the eye, his pattern does to the boundaries of lateral thinking what Rab C Nesbitt did for elocution. The prominent red symbolises the Royal Family, phone boxes and buses. The green stripes represent the capital's great parks, which are apparently 'hidden between the London streets'. The obsidian tones play proxy for Black cabs. And the Thames also makes an appearance by way of thin blue line. All it needs is a Madame Tussauds logo in the corner and we'd have London-by-numbers. It's a shame Heafield didn't incorporate imperial purple, which we pompously adduced as the city's true colour some four years ago.

The winning design was announced last night (Burns Night). It will now be registered with the Tartan Register in Edinburgh.