Fertility. It’s not something to be taken lightly. For both women and men. A man’s sperm can be damaged by simple things like too much caffeinated coffee or beverages, wearing tight underwear and jeans, smoking cigarettes, and of course, use and abuse of alcohol and/or other drugs. Much of that list is the same for the ladies. And though women can safely have children well into their 40’s today, between 18 and 40, a lot can happen.

The FSH or Follicle Stimulating Hormone helps doctors see that you’re still ovulating regularly. The AMH or Anti-Mullerian Hormone helps show the supply of viable eggs. When you have these tests matter; the numbers can fluctuate based on the time of month, but there are possibly other factors as well. Diet and exercise always matter. Another thing that matters is stress.

Stress is a huge factor in fertility at any age. While practices like yoga and acupuncture help manage stress, along with proper diet and exercise, you must have a good support system in place, not to mention a healthy, stable living environment. It would seem to go without saying that you’d need a partner you can trust, but for many of us, that’s not possible when conception is.

IVF or In-Vitro Fertilization, which uses an almost 200% increase in estrogen to help doctors harvest eggs in order tofertilize them outside of the womb, may be out of the question for some women. But IUI or Intra-Uterine Insemination is completely safe for all. With minor progesterone adjustments, and, after the use of ultrasound to track things like ovulation and the location of follicles or eggs, doctors can use a catheter to get your partner’s or donor’s sperm to the exact right location. It can be very effective, almost 20% more so than standard intercourse. But there are a few rules before you can begin any fertility regimen.

First and foremost, you need to be healthy. Body fat matters. What you eat matters. How you exercise matters. And of course, you have to be free of all forms of birth control for at least a year. Most fertility doctors will require you get tested for disease prior to considering any treatment. You’d also get checked for things like cholesterol and blood sugar. Anyone over 40 should be followed by a high-risk management team of fertility specialists. It’s important to identify your team before beginning your journey. You want to work with people you find supportive all-around. Because sometimes, best efforts in fertility can still lead to miscarriage.

Depending on how far along you are, losing a baby can be a heartbreaking experience. I wrote about mine in December 2014. At the time, I was dealing with so many challenges, it was hard to absorb all that happened. But it’s important to not let a fertility set-back keep you from your life-goals. That includes silencing the nay-sayers as well.

If I listened to every idiot out there, I’d never have gotten this far in life. Leaders don’t follow the rules; we create our own. That’s why we’re not followers, outside of perhaps things like Twitter. Confidence is definitely something every woman needs when it comes to her fertility. Do not let a single soul tell you that you can’t have a baby. If you want a baby, you can have one. There are so many options today. Whether you’re married or not, you can do it.

My recommendation to ALL women between ages 20 and 30 is to invest in freezing your eggs and protect your fertility. It’s an investment parents, particularly of daughters, should save for along with college tuition. It can cost upwards of $7,500-$16,000, depending on where you live, how many cycles you harvest, etc., but it is well worth the expense.

One day, you’ll be sitting on the other side of all of your life accomplishments hoping to achieve the most important one of all: Motherhood. Know the facts about fertility and a healthy baby is in your future. Guaranteed.

A few days ago, I met a new friend. He was all of 25, but for his age, was incredibly soulful, grounded even. He had this beautiful face, too, with a mass of thick blonde hair, giant blue eyes and a mouth that was shaped like a heart. Yes, an actual heart!

As beautiful as his outsides were, his insides were even more so. As we spoke, his face softened at me, not with pity--with empathy. Compassion. He was saddened by the loss of my daughter. Horrified by the circumstances surrounding that loss. But he also saw my indomitable spirit. He admired that. As much as I admired his. Even at 25, he had faced significant trials. None of which held him down. Or back. It made me realize that I was letting the gravity of another soul anchor mine. And, my dreams. It was as if my lungs suddenly discovered oxygen. I filled them. Deeply. As I did, my friend held me close, and every muscle in my body relaxed.

We laughed together, cried together, danced together, and at the end of our serendipitous meeting, I felt renewed somehow. Uplifted. Like I'd had a chance encounter with an angelic presence. And it healed me. It felt like a miracle. Because I finally felt like me again.

That night, I slept for the first time in four months. Yesterday, I shed not a single tear. And this morning, I awoke easily. Not startled awake. No nightmares. Just peace. And joy. A sense of relief washed over me. Because, I'm free again. Free to be myself. To be happy and alive and full of love for the world. I asked my friend if he was an angel. He laughed and said, "I don't so much believe in God...I believe in people."

Yup. An angel. I just couldn't see his wings. Because he gave them to me. So I could fly, too.

My beautiful niece, Jireh, in the picture, right, was born days before I lost #Emma. When I held that precious angel in my arms, also a miracle, her indomitable spirit woke mine up. Thanks to Jireh, I became more open to the possibilities. Like my angelic 25-year old friend. He appeared at a crucial moment for me, a guardian on my new journey. My personal angel helped me to accept this latest call to adventure. He gently, kindly, and rather sweetly, ushered me across the threshold to face the trials ahead. Trials which he assured me with uncanny confidence, will take me to where he said I not only need to go, but where I deserve to be. Successful. That was his wish for me. For some reason, he believed in me. I'm not sure why. Except that, perhaps, he was truly an angel, and not a man at all.

Maybe I will not hold my own daughter in my arms, but I do have a Destiny. And, it is not fated. It's mine. To imagine. To create. To live.

Someone recently wrote me a song. It's a beautiful song, too, about my daughter, #Emma. The song is called "Your Light." And the person who wrote it, a talented country singer named Mitchell Baines, wrote it just for me. No one has ever written me a song before. It's a truly unique gift. A lot like my friendship with Mitchell.

I lost Emma in December 2014. It was heartbreaking. She was something I'd dreamt about for a year. Blonde, curly hair, big blue eyes, and my smile. I often imagined her as a toddler, her chubby hand in mine. That thought was how I got through a difficult course of physical therapy in fall 2013, and a big part of why I can walk today.

After seeing more fertility specialists than I thought possible, I conceived my baby girl. Unfortunately, even though I was in my second trimester, because of an extraordinarily stressful event that occurred in early December, I became sick.

Mitchell and I connected in November of 2014. We were instant-friends, as if the cosmos knew something we didn't. Mitchell has four daughters of his own. Though he's lived all over the world, and is currently preparing for a major concert tour, he got in touch last week to talk after hearing about the loss of #Emma. Mitchell, a very soulful man, shared his own experience with me, saying he was going to write me a song. For #Emma. I was so touched by Mitchell's offer, I hardly knew what to say. Tears welled in my eyes. And yes, even though I was in the middle of a very busy Starbucks in Marietta, close to the college campus where I now teach, I began to cry.

This amazing man, halfway around the world, was thinking of me, praying for me, and was willing to take time out of his hectic schedule in order to help me heal. It was humbling. And I wanted to show Mitchell my gratitude through my art--these very words.

I'd be headed into my eighth month now. Late spring here in Atlanta, when all the flowers are in bloom and the world comes to life once again.

Though I will not be bringing new life into this world, Mitchell's song has helped give me a sense of peace about my loss(es). Because, through his beautiful music, reclaiming agency over what can only be described as a tragedy is now somehow possible. So is moving forward.

Thank you, Mitchell...#YourLight shines like a beacon of hope. You are a #blessing to this world. As is your music.

If you would like to listen to more of Mitchell, you can find his album on iTunes or Rhapsody:

I've been betrayed a great deal throughout my lifetime; in fact, it's the one constant since infanthood. Even my own body got in on the act. All of it, horrible. None with good reason. Because a true betrayal isn't reasonable. It stems from fear. Logic cannot be applied. But anger can.

In Fantasy Land, there are reasons for everything. It's Fantasy Land. Anything is possible. But in the finite world of reality, there are limits. Except when it comes to betrayal it seems.

I don't ask because I'm stupid. Far from it. I ask because, every betrayal I've experienced is unfathomable...something I simply cannot conceive of. And it's not that I'm better than anyone in particular. It's just that I trend toward defense, not offense. When I do offend someone, it's unwitting and I work extremely hard to return a sense of agency to the person I've hurt.

See, that's what you do when causing pain is unintentional. When you intend harm, you strip away agency, adding insult to the already glaring injury. Even worse? You don't care. You're apathetic to the intentional pain you caused--not just to another person--but another soul.

Our very existence is bound to hurt others; it's a sad fact we must accept as part of the human condition. We cause pain as a matter of course when making decisions. You can bet that almost any decision you make for your betterment will be to the detriment of another. Though the absurd is present in all life, cosmic irony is a far cry from betrayal. Betrayal is deliberate. It's pre-meditated. Criminal in its intent to harm. Before a person betrays you, they know what they are about to do. They know it will cause irreparable damage. And they don't care. At all. Because they do it anyway....

Why? Well, regardless of the justification for their actions, the reason anyone would ultimately choose to betray you is because they want to.

So, who's next??? Calling all traitors! If you feel you have the capacity to be selfish, self-centered, self-absorbed, you're in.

I'll help you believe in yourself. I'll make you feel bigger and better than you actually are. I'll shower you with confidence, self-esteem, home-cooked meals, and lots of love and support.

Feeling ugly? Fat? Maybe both? I'll make you feel like Brad Pitt when he played Achilles in Troy.

Sarcasm aside, it's positively maddening to give and give and give...and, eventually, be resented for it. For being the better person. Easier to resent than take responsibility. That's a betrayal as well. A big one.

The thing that makes a true betrayal? Making a person invisible. Going from the center of someone's Universe, to not existing at all. Like a nameless, faceless ghost. Without even a funeral. No chance to say good bye. No reason. Nothing left to say good bye to.

About the Author

Rebecca Housel, Ph.D., known as "The Pop Culture Professor" (TM), is an international best-selling author and editor in nine languages and 100 countries. Rebecca, listed in the Directory of American Poets & Writers for her work in nonfiction, was nominated by Prevention magazine essayist and best-selling author of The ImmortalLife of HenriettaLacks, Rebecca Skloot, to the National Association of Science Writers for her work on cancer. Rebecca has published with best-selling author of The Accidental Buddhist, Dinty Moore's literary nonfiction journal, Brevity, and with commercial publications like Redbook magazine and online journals like In Media Res. Her recent interviews appear in publications such as the LA Times, Esquire, USA TODAY, The Huffington Post, Inside HigherEd, Woman's World magazine, and Marie Claire as well as on FOX news, and NBC. Former President of the New York College English Association, Housel was a professor in both Atlanta and New York, teaching popular culture, film, creative writing, literature, and medical humanities. Dr. Housel currently works on the Editorial Advisory Boards for the Journal of PopularCulture and the Journal ofAmerican Culture; she has also worked as a reviewer for Syracuse University Press and Thomson Wadsworth. A writer of all genres, Housel has written and published both fiction and nonfiction in over ten books and 398 articles, essays, book chapters, book reviews, and encyclopedia entries.