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A Persian Trophy Wife

Kaveh looked long and hard and finally after many years of dating and kicking the tires decided to go to Iran and marry one of those uptown women with highlighted hairdo, stylish manteau and pulled-back head scarf!

She arrived here with 100 Salam and Salavat and all full of herself! Like most new arrivees, she was critical of everything in the US and missed her old neighborhood. She liked shopping though and never missed a chance to go to the mall and buy things. She was so passionate about redecorating their home that every time that I visited, there was something new on the walls; not that I notice those things!

After a few months and once his passion subsided, Kaveh called me to quietly complain about his wife’s shopping habits and as usual I provided unsolicited advice! “Why don’t you help her get a job? Once she starts working, she would be more careful with the money.” He liked the idea. He also complained about how she is not into cooking or other household chores.

“Don’t get me wrong, she knows how to cook. But it is just when we have parties that she puts her skills on display; only for others, not for me! She thinks that I should watch my cholesterol! Also, after the maid cleans the house, she doesn’t want to make the kitchen messy. So I always end up cooking on the grill in the backyard.” I did not have any other advice for him so I just told him that we should do lunch in the coming months.

A few months passed and we finally managed to get together and he couldn’t stop talking about her. “She got a job at Macy*s and was hanging around the pretty clothes and fancy perfumes sections, but she lasted only 3 days! She said that a couple of Filipino women who worked in the same general area gave her the look and were talking behind her back. So she quit! Then she got a job at the Banana Republic. She liked that job better. She got all kinds of discounts for store merchandise and spent all her money on buying things there. It took me a few weeks to realize that it was costing me more money to have her work than to have her sit around!”

A while later, their baby girl was born and I didn’t see him that often, but we stayed in touch and talked about things. Then one morning as I was sitting in the traffic, he called. He seemed a little bit upset. He said that he was taking his little girl to the kindergarten and is going to have a talk with the teachers. Apparently the day before, a group of 6-year old girls were talking and playing and ignoring a little Iranian boy who did not speak English. The little boy got mad and pulled his pants down and pointed to his thing and said in Farsi, “Doodool! Doodool!” The little girls said, “Eeeeuuuu!” and ran outside to tell the teachers. The little boy pulled his pants up and ran after them!

“I don’t know what kind of school they are running. They should supervise the kids all the time.” He complained. I couldn’t stop laughing! What a cool kid! “That kid, when he grows up, will be a trouble-maker!” I thought to myself.

“Why don’t you let your wife handle this? The teachers are all women. They can sort things out. Now they are going to think that you are some hot-headed Middle Eastern guy getting upset over nothing.”

“Oh, you know my wife. She stays up late and is asleep when we leave in the morning. I even take a shower at work to not to wake her up. Although, I like the industrial-strength water pressure at work!” Kaveh worked at one of these companies that provided free food and drinks and snacks for their employees. They even had toothpaste and aloe vera lotions in the restrooms!

I remember that once I was at their home and the little girl wanted to show me her toys in her room. As we walked down the hall, she pointed to the master bedroom and said, “That is my mommy’s room and that other room (the small guest room) is my daddy’s room. My daddy snores at nights and doesn’t let my mommy sleep!”

I know for a fact that women snore too. But their snoring is not as manly as men’s!

I don’t think that his sex life was anything to brag about either. He probably had the “symbolic sex” on their anniversary, Valentine’s, New Years Eve and maybe their birthdays, but not on 4th of July, Norooz or 13-bedar!

Nowadays, he does not complain as he used to because the last time that he called and complained I said, “So she doesn’t cook or clean, is not into sex, has kicked you out of the bedroom and you take showers at work! What a perfect relationship!” I didn’t say anything else. What else is there to say?

truth hurts

I'm still thinking about that Donkey

not related to this 'trophy' ,but your Donkey Episode still cracks me up, even after almost ten readings, it's very good material for a comic-strip production, with violin... glad you liked Jimmy, he's great, Jimmy Akbar. Shog and jive in here, is unlike shog and jive anywhere else.

P.S. The lady in the picture has a striking resemblence to my dearly departed Grandma. If the man next to her had a little beard, he could have passed as a deadringer for Mashti himself. The Hat helps, sharp fashion sense. Great story. Are you sure it wasn't based on my family members profile, in their eternal search of Compensatory Consumerism. I call'em Miltiant Consumeristas!

P.S.S. At one point Jimmy was writing for "The Men's Show" , " Crank Yankers," his own live show, and going out with Sara Silverstien. Is that The King of Comedy or what?

Sharing my story with Bavafa and others if interested.

I was dancing with random music until I was about 30-35, and I enjoyed and I am proud of those years. I stopped it before I enjoyed a committed relationship that I have now. The primarily reason started because of my hallucination to HIV infection.....

Though I enjoy those years very much, but when I think carefully I remember that my remote control, watch and walkman were stolen by very high class sex occasional friends at different times...I then remember one of my best friends in Shiraz (50 years old University Professor Cambridge graduate) who was killed by a few strangers at his home. I just know that he had occasional sex friends and not very careful about the selections. However, I don't withdraw my suspicious to IRI people. And, then I read news years ago that a prostitute in Iran cut the penis of one of her customers.

Again, I am proud of those times, and enjoy going to bed with those memories, but certainly care must be taken seriously.

:)

I think there is something wrong with your friend. Why is he telling you everything about his wife? Why doesn't he invite you for dinner in a regular base? You can see by your eyes what is going on. Don't forget that you have a commitment to let IC fans know.

i just want to know how

Lovely story

Loved the story Faramarz jaan but unfortunately your friend has made the same mistake as many others and have married someone from Iran with the same false hopes. It does not work. I have seen it working for a very small minority only. There is no hope for this one but if you have any other friend who has the same idea, then remember:

چو میبینی که نابینا و چاه است

Faramarz jan, don't worry about reading blogs of that little boy

Maybe, some of the men that we have on this site were like that little boy decades ago. About the rest of your comment, that it is about me and your friend's twin brother, I am not going to say more. Some day, he may read this blog and then I may get in trouble :).

"I didn’t say anything else. What else is there to say?"

Dear Faramarz, you basically 'put one foot this side and one foot the other side' and let's say 'rained' on your friend's parade ... LOL It is always more fun when it happens to others, but we shouldn't rub their faces into it. Just laugh inside and blog it here!

Faramarz

I don't know why but somehow I have a feeling that you will end up with a wife like that ...... that is what an Iranian man gets when his majesty has spent all his youth chasing girls and now after ages of having fun he wants to settle .....

By the way once in a while sex is not bad for men your friends age...Viagra can be expensive sometimes .... LOL

Anahid jaan, Just in case you didn't get the memo

All Iranian men are zan zaleel, some only don't admit it and with some hart o put, convince themselves otherwise.

Farmarz jaan,

We all pay for it one way or another. If one chooses to go and pick up the most expensive dish in the menu that is beyond their means…they better be prepared to wash dishes afterwards as that tasty looking food does not come cheap. Your friend ought to consider himself lucky , just the fact that she did not bring a strap-on with her from Tehran. It seems some of these Northern Tehran trophy wifes bring a strap-on as part of their jaheezieh

BTW, where is the typical lovely video that usually accompany your even lovelier stories?

Mehrdad

P.S. Before any one gets an idea and starts wondering... my wife is from here, any thing but a trophy wife and she had no jaheezieh :)

I really liked the story.

I don't believe the woman is that bad and lazy. Maybe, the husband exagerates... Because if she wants to stay that way here, she will be depressed definitly.

If I was the husband, I would have done all cookings, clean up and everything and stayed very positive. Believe me the woman is not able to tolerate the situation that way. The thing is that how many clothing and shoping will satisfy her. There is for sure a limit. They have to stay away from Iranians too. Because she will not find any body to brag and be appreciated! that way....

Again, The story was great.

This was hilarious Faramarz jan

Very funny. From the master bedroom for the wife and small room for the husband, and the poor guy taking showers at work, and then the little boy. Faramarz jan, your friend seems to be zan zaleel. by any chance, does he have a single brother age 45-52ish, medium to good looking and just as zan zaleel?