Tuesday, February 9, 2016

The answer, my Fred, is blowin' in the wind.

The End of Days.

Even before the whole thing with Femke and the motor, we all knew it was just a matter of time before the Lord held the sport of cycling accountable for its many sins. The only question was exactly how and when He* would finally smite the infernal Lycra-clad Legions of Hades once and for all. Well, we now have our answer to this two-fold question, and it was with a powerful wind this past Sunday that Our Father did lay waste to the Freds:

*Yes, God is a man. Deal with it. He's also white, a fictional character, and an asshole.

See, the Freds were vile and wretched in God's eyes:

And so at the beginning of the amateur bike race He did summon the Four Winds of the Fredpocalypse from the Eight Corners of the Earth**, which did cause considerable "bunching" of the field:

A patent dispute dating back to 2008 between Stan’s NoTubes and Specialized has been resolved in favor of Stan’s. The dispute centered on Stan’s ZTR rims with Bead Socket technology, a bead hook shape that allowed for easier and more secure mounting of tubeless tires. Specialized released rims in 2008 that used a similar design, and Stan’s filed with a U.S. District Court to protect its patent.

"I had assumed I could not register Roubaix as a trade mark as it is a geographical location well known in cycling, not to mention the wide-spread use of the term Roubaix throughout the industry," Richter said in a press release sent out Saturday. "I thought I could freely use Roubaix ... To be informed I cannot use the name is devastating. I invested my life savings, military severance pay, as well as all my Veteran's Affairs award for my illness into Café Roubaix."

Still, undeterred by their failures to both rip off Stan's and prevent other people from using the names of cities for their own nefarious purposes, Specialized now plan to introduce a new proprietary tubeless rim system that will circumvent Stan's patent. It's called the Cleveland, and instead of using sealant you simply fill the tire with ground meat like a sausage. Naturally, your choice of filling determines the ride quality, and it's particularly well-suited to fat bikes:

(#whatgrouduporgansyourunning?)

Sure, it's a little extra work and you'll need some new tools, but it's worth it not to have to worry about pinch flats anymore:

A gang of about 50 masked left-wing extremists on bicycles torched or trashed nearly 50 luxury cars over the weekend in attacks to protest gentrification of the once-low-rent districts near the center of the German capital.The attacks just after midnight on Saturday and Sunday mornings caused an estimated $1.1 million in damage and left behind the smoldering remains of 48 Mercedes, BMWs and Porsches. Some of the masked attackers smashed the windows of the cars; others threw plastic containers with flammable materials through the broken windows.

Apparently the idea is to prevent property in the neighborhood from becoming unaffordable:This weekend's attacks came in areas where rents have soared and property prices have skyrocketed more than five-fold in recent years to as much as $615 per square foot. Many squatters live in areas near the attacks. Last month, 500 police raided one of the largest buildings occupied by squatters after some of the residents had attacked and injured riot police. The illegal occupants are still there.

Though this is sure to backfire, because when people in Brooklyn read that property in this trendy Berlin neighborhood is only $615 per square foot they'll be moving there in droves.

Many left-wingers in Berlin, where squatting has a long and vibrant tradition, feel they are entitled to defend their way of living and that burning the luxury cars will scare away yuppies and wealthy investors.

Wow, those racers weren't built for windy conditions. Too flimsy. Proper Freds have a gut and big behinds, helps to cancel out that ground effect. Also, high profile aero rims, a poor choice on a day like that. I totally support the burning and trashing of those nazi sleds too. Is there a YouTube video of that? Plz post. And oh, maybe top ten here. Took too long changing my shoes. And ogling the women's team in their lounge chairs.

The weather's been tolerable for some weekend tootling along the river by my house. Well, except for the wind which does whip mightily around this one particular bend, necessitating downhill pedalling. Very odd.

I had a 1999 Mercedes wagon similar to the burned-out car in the photo. It was worth about $2,500 when I donated it to a vocational school a couple of years ago. If those squatting vandals want to irritate the gentry, they’d be better off targeting Priuses than used Benzes.

I had a 1999 Mercedes wagon similar to the burned-out car in the photo. It was worth about $2,500 when I donated it to a vocational school a couple of years ago. If those squatting vandals want to irritate the gentry, they’d be better off targeting Priuses than used Benzes.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------In my neighborhood here in Cologne, most of the "nice" cars are owned by working class families. Autonome hipster douches strike again!

Oh come on. Anony 1:40 was civilized. He/she didn't make a scene or throw a drink in the host's face. They piqued our interest in elasmobranchs (which shark was jumped? How high? By wcrm? The commentariat?) , and as N/A pointed out, misspelled good bye. GBCW* as they say in the funny papes.

The roots of the term "Fred" are unclear, though some believe it originated from[2] a touring rider named Fred Birchmore from Athens, GA. In 1934-35, Birchmore rode around the world on a bicycle he named Bucephalus. Birchmore and Bucephalus traveled approximately 25,000 miles. Bucephalus is now on display at the Smithsonian Institution in Washington, D.C.[3][4][5][6] In one famous incident while touring in Italy, Birchmore passed a bunch of racers during a race he had crossed paths with by chance. And despite going up hill on his loaded 50 pound non-racing bike, he passed the finish line well ahead of the racers. The cheering crowd at the finish line assumed him to be the winner of the race. In addition to the Birchmore origin idea for "Fred," there also is a vague idea that there was an old grumpy touring rider named Fred (but probably not Birchmore) from which the term derived.[7]

A southern California bicycle store printed and sold "No Freds" t-shirts in the early-to-mid 1980s to local racing cyclists. This t-shirt depicted a hairy-legged, bearded cyclist (with bug-splatted teeth) wearing sunglasses and a Bell "Biker" hard-shell helmet (with rear-view mirror attached).[8] At the time, very few racing cyclists wore sunglasses due to their (then) lack of functionality, and virtually none wore hard-shell helmets until they became mandatory in 1986. Few racing cyclists wore helmets outside of racing events until advances in technology allowed lighter, better ventilated helmets to exist in the market.

There are different theories how the term moved from its first definition of a regular guy on a simple old bike, to the definition of guy who has spent way more on his bike than his riding would merit.

"And there went out another horse that was a red Cipollini Stead: and power was given to him that sat thereon it to take piece from the women of the earth, and that they should copulate with one another in an abnormal way: and there was given unto him a great sword."

Well, at least Katusha has been cleared to continue racing. I, for one, am glad to know that there are no team-level repercussions for running a doping clusterfuck in the guise of a bike racing team. The status quo wins again. The status quo is dead, long live the status quo!

About Me

While I love cycling and embrace it in all its forms, I'm also extremely critical. So I present to you my venting for your amusement and betterment. No offense meant to the critiqued. Always keep riding!