Parliamentary staffers were in for a nasty April Fools surprise yesterday as Commons catering prices rose by a whopping 2.7%. The change affects cafeterias, dining rooms, and worst of all, bars. Sadly for everyone on the estate this isn’t a joke…

Suspiciously, 2.7% is exactly how much MPs’ pay is rising this year, whereas staff budgets are rising by just 1.5%– below the 1.9% inflation rate of February. This means MPs won’t be hit by this but staffers will. Good to see Parliament looking after hard done by MPs who only earn a mere £50,000 above the national average, plus generous expenses…

Guido has long thought that Parliament shouldn’t be centrally determining the prices of food and drink in the Commons, and should let commercial chains operate within the estate. Let them be free to choose between Greggs, Leon, McDonalds, Pret, Whetherspoons…

The BBC is running a story today claiming there is a “Brexit threat to sandwiches” and that you won’t be able to eat your favourite sarnie in the event of a no deal Brexit. This is surely approaching peak BBC / Remoaner scaremongering. Just think of all the great Brexit sandwiches we will be able to enjoy made from delicious British produce and ingredients imported via new trade deals with the friends of Global Britain.

No deal would escape the regulatory clutches of Brussels, leaving Britons free to eat produce from all over the world, unlike Theresa May’s agri-foods rule-taking at Chequers. And no more contaminated Dutch egg and cress…

No hint of a return to the pasty tax in today’s Spring statement and it’s a good thing too as Westminster cannot wait for its new branch of baked goodies gods Greggs to open. MPs, ravenous researchers and hungry hacks say Greggs breadder get on with the roll out and finally open the new shop, based in a giant glass-clad concession inside Westminster tube station.

People, irrespective of party political allegiance, are finally coming together to ask: when is the Greggs branch at Westminster Underground actually opening ? pic.twitter.com/VWFeVsAYv4

SW1 is not exactly overflowing with budget eateries. One researcher told Guido: “we won’t be able to baguette about this delay if Greggs take any longer than this, we crust they will open as soon as possible.” Guido has asked Greggs just how long there is left to wait. Soon politicos will be able to spend their dough and have their cake and eat it too…

Jamie Oliver is all over the BBC today after announcing that he is to close six of his Italian restaurants due to “post-Brexit pressures”. This is not the first time Jamie has blamed the economy for having to shut down his restaurants. In 2014 he closed three of his three of his four Union Jacks eateries after claiming they were “no longer sustainable in the current challenging climate”. Nothing to do with the dire reviews panning the over-priced food on sale. Then Jamie’s Italian in Istanbul came a cropper, filing for bankruptcy just 14 months after it opened. Anyone who has had the misfortune of forcing down a distinctly un-Italian meal at a soulless Jamie’s Italian will agree with the many, many reviews panning the chain. As Tanya Gold wrote of his “boastful, narcissistic” restaurant in Soho:

“The pasta is well-seasoned but overcooked; the Crispy Italian-Spiced Duck Leg has never dreamt of Italy, let alone quacked there… All this is a hoax inflicted on the clients… by Oliver’s fame… an ‘Italian-Style’ Harvester selling overpriced food that does not know where it is from.”

Is it that the economy keeps conspiring to force Jamie to close his restaurants? Or is it that overly-salted, overly-priced food isn’t popular with punters…

Lamentations across Westminster village as word spreads that upmarket lunch spot Shepherd’s has shut down. What was rumoured to be a gas leak has now been confirmed as a full closure. Guido is shocked and saddened. There are too many poncy restaurants in Westminster and for some reason Shepherd’s had been recently remodelled and menu changed for worse.

He did enjoy end of meal looks of horror when a politico leaving would realise he had been braying loudly at the next table.

Quote of the Day

“I have worked with him when he was Foreign Secretary. I will work with whoever the Prime Minister is. I haven’t had a phone call yet to ask me to run his campaign in Scotland. I am not expecting the call. But I will genuinely judge him on the same criteria as I judge any of the candidates.”