The Return of the White Deer- Chapter 2

A new-school fantasy novel
based on my Crunalan society of the Dragon Empire setting and various
historical characters whose stories have been mangled up by the author’s
imagination. Most critical readers welcomed!

Otgonbayar carefully
moved the tent flap aside, making sure that the level of noise created by his
action was just right to alert his sister-in-bonding to his presence but not
startle. Once he entered into her domain, he saw an exact replica of his
knitted brows in hers.

“Koka, you heard of
Borka’s accident?” he ventured a guess.

“No, I was thinking of
the Gathering.”

“The Gathering?”
Otgonbayar felt a deepening in the crevasse on his forehead. “What tidings?”

“The usual gossip.”
Koketani made a long pause, then began hesitantly. “But… there’s a change
coming, a change with a faint tinge of malice….” With that, her eyes glazed
over and her mind trailed off to the moment when she had just arrived at the
Gathering of Sisters.

It
was
a day ofclear skyanda playful breezethat was perfect for riding, the
exhilaration
experienced in the ride
cleansing the mind of all worries while one’s tender flesh is spared from the sharp
stings that accompany a heavier draught. Qasqhai stopped of his own accord and
Koketani dismounted in one fluid motion, walking swiftly towards Altansaran,
her fellow Sister of the Barghun. Just then, Qasqhai snorted and stamped his
hooves hard, nostrils flaring. Koketani looked towards him annoyingly and saw
that the commotion was caused by the approach of her Sister of the Jarchigud or
rather the Jarchigan Dream Steed- the Jarchigud’s equine guardian whose name
slipped her. She was about to reproach Qasqhai for his impertinence when she
felt
it as her stray mind brushed
against that of the Jarchigan Dream Steed. A touch of… something inexplicably
slimy that coated the mind of an otherwise noble creature. And then it
dissipated like tendrils of smoke that never existed. Qasqhai quieted down but
Koketani remained troubled. Out of an unknown impetus, she stretched out
filaments of her mind towards all the equine minds present. She let out the
breath that she had been holding unconsciously when she found nothing untoward.
Wait… what was that she just felt? A flash of white hot indignation, of
defiance? She chased after the particular thread from which the feeling came
and arrived at a mind that appeared to be encased in murky crystal. When she
ventured closer to get a better look, she saw a ferocious war between two
colours- a ball of radiant white tinged with red against a glassy mist of black
that shimmered in and out of existence… and then she was slammed back into her
own body.

When Koketani came to
again, she saw Otgonbayar looking at her keenly. She looked away briefly. Then,
she briskly recounted all the seemingly innocuous incidents passed around as
idle gossip by the other Sisters. Such as the goading of a sibling that led a
boy to attempt his First Hunt before his due that was passed off as pure
youthful mischief. Such as groups of men forming coalitions of unknown purposes
within tribes. Such as the unconscious flaunting of wealth in the form of the
glossy beads woven into her braid and a thing embroidered with outlandish
frivolous patterns that she wore at her hips that looked ridiculous with the
rest of her outfit– all that could only have come from the few travelling
merchants that sold useless knick-knacks good only for gawping to tribes of the
Crunalan in exchange for an outrageous amount of fine fur and sturdy work of
timber - by a Sister whose tribe scant months ago was on the verge of being
merged into a neighbouring tribe and becoming no more. Such as the inexplicable
squabbling and prancing around of particular herds that only occurred when they
were in heat.

Otgonbayar’s gaze met
unerringly with Koketani’s. “Do you think this was what the prophecy meant?”
Otgonbayar’s voice came out in a wisp.

Koketani shrugged but
replied in the same fashion in despite of herself. “Strife like never known
before? Maybe, maybe not. How could one tell when we Crunalans pride ourselves
on being descended from wolves?” she shook her head.

Both of them fell silent
for a moment. “Do you think Borka’s accident was” Otgonbayar was cut short by
Koketani who waved her hands impatiently.

“Let’s not dig into the
elusive again. What actually happened with Borka?”

“I take it you have
visited her already” he did not frame it as a question but rather arched one of
his eyebrows. He hid the smile that had risen up to his lips when she, his
proud Koka who often scoffs him for giving in too easily to the children and
thus raising them to be needy, did not deign to answer but glared at him
instead.

“Well, Mushker was able
to deduce through his sire-colt link with Bortai’s Henarai that the little
temul had died from an unnatural cause
and it deeply upset him.” This time, it was he who met the arched eyebrows of
Koketani. “He, and therefore I, knows no more beyond that.”

“Qasqhai showed me
glimpses of what he gathered from the herd link.But if anything could be gathered from them, it would be shards of
what occurred and I simply could not make sense of them.” She outlined the
images she was shown, what she was able to make out and what still puzzled her.
Despite an ensuing discussion of both length and depth, many possible
interpretations were raised but none ascertained to be the unerring truth.

After they had thoroughly
exhausted both their tongues and minds, the two parted. Otgonbayar made a last
glance backwards towards Koka as he exited her tent. He was unsettled to see a deep frown
seemingly etched onto her face, as she supported her head on a single palm and
stared without seeing at a single point in the air.

It was the fourth day
after Aunt Koka had given her a short discourse on the Craft of being a Sister
of Magul, or training to become one as it was in her case. The fact that Aunt
Koka has seemed truly seemed appalled that she had forgotten it all stayed on
her mind. So too did the pure disbelief she subsequently felt told that when
apparently, being a Sister revolved around the ability to converse with any and
every
maguls- the Crunalan term for
the four-hooved creatures with a long tail, an athletic body covered with a
long mane and a slender neck and visage. In particular, only a Sister could
communicate with the Dream Steed, the head of the Herd local to one tribe’s
territory. It was also a Sister’s responsibility to teach the craft of such
communication to all the males of the tribe after their Rite of Choosing at age
seven when they have attained approval to form a bond with their First
Magulandas, the equine version of an
anda
or blood brother bond between two Crunalan males.

As Bortai lay on her bed
reflecting, she had the impression of something jarring about what Aunt Koka had
been re-teaching her about her Craft during her daily visits these few days. Sometimes,
she would attempt to spark Bortai’s memory by teasing her, suddenly stopping
half way through an explanation of how to actually practice this skill in the
hopes that Bortai would say something in despite of herself. Bortai could tell
that Aunt Koka did it out of genuine concern for her. So she had come to accept
the presence of this elder woman in her life, even if she still could not
figure out how it was possible that she could recognise the majority of her
social circle except for one person. She had finally put it down to the
peculiarity of her condition. And yet, whenever Aunt Koka tried to draw out her
missing memory on the Craft, the odd feeling would come. In particular, she
felt that the whole concept was so alien
to her, as if it was the first time that she had encountered it. It might
simply have been the unfortunate result of her memory loss but compared to how
she had still retained an instinctive sense that she truly
should be where she was now and that those immediately around her
were
precisely right- she could
easily embark on conversations with no obvious handicaps despite her memory
loss because she still had a good sense of the unique nuances underlying what
it meant to be a Crunalan on a deep level within herself, her feeling of
unfamiliarity with her Craft definitely felt
wrong. But how could such a conundrum exist? She truly had no idea
and it was not even the first one of such that had been plaguing her mind
lately. Bortai felt frustration mounting and had the greatest urge to grind her
teeth together. But she knew that there was naught to do except hope that her
memories would return of their own accords and enlighten her. She made a few
slow breaths in and out to invite calm back.

Just then, Aunt Koka
entered into her ger. She gave Bortai a warming smile and enquired about her
injury. Bortai replied that she was well and then a thought flashed past her
mind. She put it forth to her Aunt Koka as a question, “Aunt Koka, it just came
across my mind then, from whence do we Sisters draw our ability to communicate
with the Dream Steeds? How did it come about that no one but us can do so?”

“Had I neglected to
mention this?” Aunt Koka looked slightly embarrassed, “It must have slipped my
mind.” Bortai knew what Aunt Koka had left unsaid was that she no longer
expected that any of Bortai’s memory would just return as if they had never
departed in the first place. Consequently, she no longer tried to bait Bortai
in their conversation to see whether a casual mention of something might lead
to the slightest of remembrances on Bortai’s part. It hadn’t, not during the
past three days.

“A passage in our
Beginning Lore runs thus:

Amidst the days of unchecked invasion of the sands, a steed
came forth

into the dream of the Propitious One.

From this, a pact was forged.

A pact exchanging companionship and loyalty,

akin to that pledged between the blood of two men,

in exchange for guidance and wisdom of the Herd.

A pact that shall be honoured until the day

when other pastures are conquered and prosperity to both
are to be had
.”

It
refers to the pact made by our ancestors with the Herds that run wild on the
Steppe bowing to no Masters, unlike what those travelling merchants make of
maguls- draught animals, what
indignities!” Aunt Koka had started to fume but then caught herself. “You
probably have forgotten,” she sighed before continuing. “but our people had not
always been living our lives as wanderers across the Steppe. Back then, we had
yet to learn that the encroachment of the Ulagh Gobi on the Steppe will be
ever-present. Through our ignorance, we were effectively accomplice in such
invasion that threatens our own livelihood. In our time of need, the Dream
Steeds, the heads of the Herds as you already know them to be, stood forth in the
dream of the First Sister whose name is lost to us now after all these years, and
offered us a chance. A pact was forged. In return for guiding us to green
pastures whenever the need arises and sharing equine wisdom with us on other
affairs that have an influence on the welfare of our tribes, we will provide
companionship, loyalty and respect equal to the gesture of generousity of our
equine brothers and sisters. Eventually, we will be leading them to other green
pastures in places far from the Steppe and other Herds that are worth of being
integrated into their bloodlines in a future generation. We do not know when
this glorious day referred to in the passage will come but I wish I will be
there to witness it when it comes!” A steady glow of pride, anticipation and
hope for the future was in Aunt Koka’s eyes.

The
actual passage recited by Aunt Koka and the lore she subsequently retold were
both new knowledge for Bortai. However, the term Beginning Lore seemed to evoke
a vague sense of familiarity. Yet, at the moment, she found that she was driven
more into the character of this First Sister. “Is it also lost how the First
Sister was like as a person?” Bortai had a wistful look in her eyes.

Aunt Koka nodded. “I’m
afraid so.”

Bortai’s lips curled
downwards. “So originally, it was only the First Sister that had the ability?
How did it spread?” Bortai frowned, puzzled.

“Yes, at the start, it
was the First Sister who was the sole one with this remarkable ability. All the
others who took up the Craft after her were able to do so through the talismans
that she made herself for each of them so that the Dream Steeds can each choose
the most suitable one to which to bond to.” Aunt Koka responded in a dreamy
voice, as if she was witnessing those yore days and being held enraptured by
what she witnessed.

“But have you not said that the Craft cannot
just be wielded by anyone, that it is more of an ability? How then is it that a
talisman is the basis of how our Craft originated from?”

“You were forever the
impatient one, I was just getting to that.” Aunt Koka gave Bortai an indulgent
smile. “These talismans were not mundane items that can be wielded by anyone. Only
those of the Deer form that are right for the talismans can make actual use of
them. In the hands of others, they might as well be ornamental knick-knacks.”
Those of the Deer form… Bortai felt that
the term was somewhat but not entirely unfamiliar to her. She could well guess
that it referred to those like her, Aunt Koka, Chechi, Ariga and her sisters as
opposed to Khan-father and her brothers, as it is the belief of their people
that they are descended from a union of the Wolf and the Deer.

“How does one know
whether one would be right for one of these talismans?”

“You close your hands
around one of these and you just know. We of the Deer form have our own Rite of
Choosing and that is the time when testing is done on whether we are fit for
being a Sister. We do not speak of such experiences to anyone else but neither
do we lie about something as important as this.”

“Is there ever more than
one right for a single talisman at one time?”

“There are often more
than one that fits a talisman at one time. All who find acceptance with the
talisman is accepted into the Sisterhood but not all are officially recognised
outside of it. You, as the chosen Sister of your generation, carry with you a
talisman- though not one of the original ones as you are still under training,
signifying your position. Your sister Chagur, though she is strong enough at
the Craft to bond with one of the Rogue Maguls, does not enjoy the privileges
of our position. It is the Dream Steed who ultimately determines who he will be
bonding to as kin. This girl that he chooses is the only one who he will be
trusting with his thoughts, intuition and wisdom for the duration of his life.
The rest who are congruent with a talisman assist the chosen Sister of their
generation and devote their time to studying other aspects that have important
impacts on the Craft such as how the Herd will behave differently due to
weather fluctuations, changes in the soil and other manifestations of Tengri’s
will.”

“What are these
privileges that we enjoy?”

“Well, no one will dare
raise a hand against one of us. Also, we will never be abducted by the Bride
Raiders, those silly youths thinking having brawns is all that is needed to win
over a woman. Not that they will do anyone any harm but it’s just tedious to be
brought as unwilling guest into a foreign tribe and have to go through the
formality of being courted.”

“Has there ever been a
man who was right for a talisman?” Bortai asked on impulse, saying the term man
somewhat hesitatingly because she was not sure whether the correct way to refer
to them was those of the Wolf form.

Aunt Koka shrugged. “They
have never been tested. But I would say no, since they all had to be taught
after their Rite of Choosing.”

Just then the tent flaps
had been hurriedly brushed aside to admit a man looking to be about the age of Bortai’s
Khan-father. His face was quite regular shaped, in that his chin was like one
of the edges of a piece of timber cut to be part of a cabinet. Overall, he
looked to be quite a serious and upright person. Bortai also felt that she could
go so far as to hazard that he could possibly look severe on occasions. He was
clearly winded and from the splotches of dried blood on the sleeves of his
kaftan, Bortai deduced that he was just back from a hunt. This was confirmed by
his own words.

“Borka, I just came back
from the hunt and I heard about your accident. What happened? How are you
feeling now?” he wheezed out.

“You are? Sorry, I lost
all my memories and they have not come back.” This is the second time that
Bortai said similar words and she idly wondered whether this man is somehow
related to Aunt Koka.

“I’m your Uncle Huyag.”
Unlike the others close to her, he did not seem overtly upset by this
revelation but merely frowned. Bortai also took interest in the fact that he
was her maternal uncle and thus, elder brother to Aunt Koka. And it came to her
that she had previously neglected to note that Aunt Koka had never talked about
her own family- her birth family since she had remained single, somewhat
unusual for her age. Was this related to how she had forgotten all of the
relatives from her mother’s side, as it seems? She had never known her mother
but surely a pattern of non-recognition of all of her mother’s surviving
relations does not follow on from this fact. It made her wonder again whether
her ‘forgetting’ her aunt so thoroughly was merely coincidence or…

Bortai looked across to
Aunt Koka and saw that she had gone quite stiff and was unconsciously wringing
her hands. Uncle Huyag’s gaze must have travelled with her own. It was then
that she saw, for the first time since he had entered, his composure
temporarily taking leave from him. He
appeared positively taken aback at the sight of Aunt Koka, then his entire face
froze and a palpable chill emanated off him. Oddly, Bortai found that this
reminded her of Aunt Koka (the two siblings definitely shared nothing in common
in terms of outlook) although she had never personally witnessed her losing her
temper, yet. However, she imagined this would be what her Aunt Koka was like
when she did so.

Aunt Koka had visibly
shrank from Uncle Huyag’s cold gaze. “Elder brother.” she mumbled out a
greeting with a lowered head.

The air in the ger only
turned more frigid. “I will come by later. Rest well.” Uncle Huyag told Bortai
and then promptly stomped out.

Additional Ideas (1)

Crunalan terms glossary: temul - an affectionate term to describe someone or a creature that is free-spirited, sometimes so much so as to cause troubles. In fact, it originated from description of the look in a horse’s eyes, that encapsulates his will to run where he pleases despite of the will of his rider (note: a real Mongolian vocab. with similar meaning).

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" With that, her eyes glazed over and her mind trailed off to the moment when she had just arrived."

This sentence is very confusing. Are we meant to see the following dream sequence as happening sometime in the past? What moment are referring to as when you write "the moment when she had just arrived."

But when remembering this did she really have an out of body experience or is that just flowery language. Phrases like slamming back into her body. Are people having out of body experiences when their eyes glass over and things knock at their brains?

Are Dream Steeds corporeal or ephemeral?

This one section confused me:
-The latter did not escape the sharp eyes of Koketani but what shot out of her mouth faster than her thoughts was, “One long song, no more dithering.” With that, she set off to study and collect a sample of that plant with smoky grey blooms and whose leaves are bordered with soft tassle-like filaments that so intrigued her. -

I am get the jist of what is going one here, Borka gets to stay out a little longer but I am not sure who is saying what in the middle of the paragraph. If you are switching speakers you should break up the paragraph.

On the out of body experience part, what I was trying to describe was basically telepathy and that is a power unique to Koketani and others like her (the Sisters).
Dream Steeds are just normal horses but they are the heads of their herds.
In that paragraph you quoted, only Aunt Koka was speaking and doing things but I can see were the pronoun she could be ambiguous given that it's an interacton between two female characters.
Clarity is a weak point of mine, thanks for your great catches.

She was telepathically communicating (or starting to do so) with the horses at the moment that she was recollecting. I was trying to describe this telepathy thing in a concrete way. In my construction, the steps you follow are roughly: 1. you stretch out your mind towards the target. In this state, you can say your mind is detached from your body but it's really more of a concentration thing. 2. your mind travels for some distance until you touch the target's mind (imagine someone sending out brainwaves and the brainwaves had to travel for some distance until they reach the target) 3. once in touch, you can take a peek as well as requesting permission to converse/enter the target's mind etc. 4. to terminate this telepathy, your mind normally retreats of its own accord if the interaction was peaceful. However, if you are slammed back, that means the other party either 'pushes you back' or there was some other force at work such as a shield around the mind you are trying to contact etc.

Sorry I made my response without scrolling back up to see what I had actually written. Your original interpretation is correct, I should've broken up the paragraph when the speaker changes. Changed now.

After feedback from Axle, I have decided to re-write from Chapter 2 onwards (or rather expansion is more accurate because basically I'm adding in 3 new scenes in between this Chapter which pushes all subsequent scenes back and I've reordered a few existing scenes). Any new reader please note this.