The representatives from Zimbabwe visited North Korea, and asked for North Korean experts to build a Department of Navy. The North Korean officials were befuddled, and asked: "Why would you need a navy? Your country is landlocked!"

Zimbabwean representative replied: "What do you mean why? Then why does your country have a Department of Culture?"

Kim Jong-Il and Vladimir Putin were having a summit meeting at a 20-story building. During a break, the two leaders made a bet about the loyalty of their guards. First, Putin called his guard Ivan into the room, opened the window and said: "Ivan, jump down."

Ivan replied in tears: "Mr. President, how could you do this to me? I have a wife and a son." Putin explained that he was only joking, and let Ivan out.

Then Kim Jong-Il called his guard Lee, and told him to jump. Lee started running toward the window. Putin grabbed him and said: "Are you crazy? You will die if you jump!"

A teacher of a North Korea elementary school took her class to the field trip to a farm, and saw a rabbit. The children who grew up in the city have never seen a rabbit before.

The teacher asked: "Does anyone know what this is?" No child knew. She gave a hint: "This is something you hear about it all the time from the stories you read and the songs you learn in school. It is on television a lot, too."

A child, after much thought, proudly replied: "Oh, I see. This is General Kim Jong-Il."

A leftist agitator from South Korea visited North Korea. To welcome him, there was a grand feast at Pyongyang Mokran-gwan. The feast had an amazing selection of rare food and drinks: roasted eel, a whole roasted calf, ginseng liquer...

The agitator was impressed and said: "I am very surprised. I have never seen this kind of feast."

The North Korean representative, in a quivering voice, replied: "Same here. Thank you so much, comrade. We will never forget this."

North Korean fishermen went out to the sea and got lost in a storm. They radioed SOS, but everyone was in despair because they knew that no help was coming in the storm just to save a few fishermen. But somehow the radioman was convinced that the help was on the way. The captain yelled: "Forget your stupid hope! Why would they brave this weather?"

The radioman replied: "They are coming. For each SOS, I added 'Kim Jong-Il is a motherfucker.' The Security Bureau will surely come to get us."

Kim Il-Sung University professor asked the students: "How many different economic systems exist in the world today?"

A student replied: "There are three. Our juche economic system, the capitalist economic system and the Chinese-style hybrid economic system."

The professor asked again: "Then among the three, which system will be victorious in the end?"

The student replied: "Um... I can't really answer that..."

The professor was outraged: "What do you mean? The answer is clear! Our juche economic system is the only system that will prevail over all other existing economic system and become victorious in the end!"

The student stammered and replied: "Yes, I learned that... but when that happens, which country will give us food aid?"

The United States and North Korea were having a meeting at Panmunjeom. At the meeting, an American officer stretched his leg and mistakenly touched the foot of a North Korean lady interpreter sitting on the other side.

"Excuse me, miss."

The interpreter blushed, and whispered to a lieutenant sitting next to her. The lieutenant then whispered to the colonel next to him. The colonel then whispered something to the general who was heading the North Korean delegates. The general got up, left the room, and called Pyongyang.

30 minutes later, the general returned to the conference room and whispered to the colonel, who whispered to the lieutenant, who whispered to the interpreter. The American officer was puzzled, because he did not understand Korean.

After all the whispering was over, the interpreter smiled at the officer and said in English:

A North Korean defector survived over all kinds of hardship, and finally entered South Korea. The National Intelligence Service searched his meager belongings, and found a well-kept photograph of Kim Jong-Il. The NIS agent asked: "Are you a spy? What is this picture?"

The defector replied: "I had to bring it just in case I became homesick."

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About TK

The Korean is a Korean American living in Washington D.C. / Northern Virginia. He lived in Seoul until he was 16, then moved to Los Angeles area. The Korean refers to himself in the third person because he thinks it sounds cool.