#mememonday – “Heartbreak Hotel”

We’ve all been there; or maybe you haven’t yet. Either way, everybody learns a few lessons when they get their heart broken for the first time. I’m not talking about middle school drama, or the “s/he doesn’t like me back” heartache. While those situations suck, heartbreak—the kind that is near-crippling, the one that leaves you questioning your entire life up until the present—THAT heartbreak is something very different. It’s excruciating, to say the least, and it lasts for what seems like eternity. Not to mention it can hinder you from appreciating “real love” you find it.

As awful as it, I couldn’t be more grateful for all the lessons that I learned from it. Now, IF only we could save everyone else from heartache. But since it’s inevitable, here are some important things to remember when you’re heartbroken.

Just because you love somebody doesn’t mean they’re the right one for you.

Love is a choice, not necessarily just a feeling. When you love somebody, you’re promising to stick around for the hard times. You’re choosing to accept their flaws and ride through the ups and downs with them. However, just because you love them, doesn’t mean that they’re the person you’re meant to be with. Sometimes, people are just different—they have different goals, different styles, and a personality that just doesn’t mesh with yours. It doesn’t mean they’re bad, or that you’re wrong, or anything negative. It just means it’s time to let go and let the two of you naturally take the paths you were meant to take.

Do not try to be friends with them right after—it just doesn’t work.

TRUST ME. You know that one ex couple who still hangs out every now and then like the good old days, with absolutely no complications? Me neither. There are just too many emotions attached to exes. You see them, and instantly a tornado of laughter, anger, resentment, joy, charm, and confusion is tearing your insides apart. Save yourself the emotional drainage and just maintain your distance. Being friendly and civil is one thing, being best friends? How about no.

Take as much time as possible to be single afterwards before getting involved with somebody else.

Single life is the good life (until you get married, then it becomes the “GOODlife”). Enjoy it, embrace it, LIVE it. Get to know yourself. Get used to being you outside of a relationship again. Just do you. Don’t throw your heavy heartache onto an unknowing, innocent somebody. Rather, wait, reflect, and then let somebody who’s willing to share your “emotional baggage” come along.

Focus on self-love in your time of heartache.

Nothing is more satisfying than being self-confident and knowing where your heart stands—not only about the breakup, but about yourself and the decisions you were forced to make. It’s so easy for people, especially girls, to overanalyze the situation and conclude that it was their fault. That they did something wrong and that they’re to blame. These are lies that you’re telling yourself. It’s not your fault and you don’t suck. People and relationships are always going to change. The one thing that my aunt would remind of is this simple key phrase: “Change is the only constant in life.” Don’t beat yourself up for something that was most likely inevitable or a solution to an unhealthy situation. Focus on the positives and learn from this experience. Once you do that, you’ll grow as a person and you’ll like who you become.

Although it may NOT feel like it at first, it’s going to be okay.

I promise you, everything will find a balance again.

Heartbreak is world-shattering. Every time. It doesn’t just get easier. However, taking the right steps to take care of yourself after heartbreak can get you through that period in your life way faster than moping around. So my broken little warriors, keep your chins up. You got this.