Q. Uncle Dick, I've just read an
interesting article on eating morning doves and other pest birds in one of
the hunting forums. Could you give me some load data for the 180 Gr
Failsafe bullet in my .308 Savage?

A. Yes I could, but I won't ! Just about
every loading manual I've read craps on about how each rifle is an
individual and needs loads to be carefully developed for that particular
rifle. Then the dickhead authors go and start handing out recipes in
various shooting magazines to anyone who asks. I would suggest you get
yourself a copy of
my manual& do it right, they are available at most drive-through
bottle shops.

Q.
Dick, I'm often dismayed and confused after reading articles in many of
the well known shooting magazines. It seems incredible to me that some of
the best known gun writers are happily writing stories about shooting
"trophies" they have bagged with the assistance of a guide, usually on a
game ranch? As I'm talking about hunting in Australia not Africa or
anywhere exotic, surely these blokes with their experience and knowledge
of our own country don't need the training wheels, do they?

A. You'd be
surprised. With the onset of old age and dementia, most of these guys
would get lost not long after they walked past the letterbox and couldn't
find a trophy in Peter Brock's display cabinet. You might be surprised to
know that a good guide needs to be a puppet master foremost and have a
good supply of rubber gloves to "point" these guys in the right direction.
It's all about ethics really, is a root still a root even if you pay
someone for it?

Q. Uncle Dick, my new neighbour
heard on the grapevine that I'm a keen deer stalker and he's been
pestering me to go out over the hounds with him ever since. I don't want
to sound elitist, it's just that I'm not that keen on chasing deer with
dogs. What are your views on this?

A. Dogs are
fine with me, many a times they have saved what would have been an
otherwise fruitless hunt. That photo of me on last months cover of
Australian Banger posing with the two Beagles hanging on the fence, drew a
surprising number of doubters about just how bad the wild dog problem
really is?

Q. Uncle Dick, I was up the back
blocks of Corryong chasing deer when I bumped into a couple of good ole
boys cooking some moonshine. After a few drinks, the conversation turned
to guns and these blokes wouldn't believe me when I said one day the
government would ban semi auto military style firearms. Do you think this
will ever happen?

A. No, that
sort of drastic legislation would adversely affect the economics of the
drug trade and the criminal industry would be in ruins. I can't see it
happening in my lifetime. This sort of talk is alarmist bullshit, next
thing you know you'll be predicting that smoking won't be allowed in
restaurants or government buildings.

Q. Last Saturday night over a few
beers, my mate was explaining to me the logic behind the naming of the
.30-30 Winchester cartridge, apparently the first 30 means it takes a .30
caliber bullet and the second 30 means it used to be loaded with 30 grains
of black powder. It wasn't until half-way through the second slab that it
hit me. How the fuck do you cram 250 grains of powder into my .22-250?

A. I'm glad you asked that question as it
highlights the fact that you are obviously not an experienced reloader.
You basically have to use a very long drop tube when charging the case,
taking time to tap the case on the bench frequently, so the powder settles
and compacts a little. If you get any pressure signs.......err, get your
mate to let me know how it goes.

Q. Dear Uncle Dick, I've had
a hunting trip of a lifetime planned for near on 12 months that I've been
looking forward to. As luck would have it, I'd just finished loading the
car for the great trek when I stepped on the wife's designer dog
Belvedere. The dog's eyes popped and guts came out his mouth, but what's
worse is that I twisted my knee and couldn't go on the trip. I'm so
miserable that I've been on the piss for two weeks straight. You must have
had some disappointments over the years.

A. That is
weak as piss, people are so soft these days. Get your arse into gear and
get out there. Years ago I was on safari at Water Valley
Africa when kidney trouble threatened
to cut my trip short. I wasn't having a bar of that so I sent one of the
boys out for a bottle of Jack Daniels while I rested in camp & honed the
blade on my Puma folder to surgical precision. I drank steadily till the
boys turned in for the night, then with the aid of my shaving mirror and
the little Puma sorted myself out. The boys were surprised to see me up
and well around the breakfast fire, cooking the offending organ over a
sharp stick.

Q. Dick, I recently spent three
miserable days in the mountains with two blokes I had not hunted with
before. One bloke spent every waking hour sermonizing the ethics and
obligations to the hunted animal to me, while the other fat bastard would
have drowned out a rock concert with his snoring and constantly stole food
and drinks off me. When I fronted him, he said he used to be a sniper and
kept watching me all day long with that 1000 yd stare. Am I just being too
sensitive?

A. Just put it down to experience. I'm very careful
as to who I take along hunting. I always keep a bag of lime and a long
handled shovel in the car for when my judgement lets me down. I suggest
you do the same.