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11 September 2018

I Quit My Job Again - A HUGE Life Update

It is a workday, the sun is shining and I'm sat outside my new favourite coffee shop in Sydney (Kawa on Crown Street, if you're local) armed with an almond milk flat white.

To be honest, I still feel like I should be at work-work. Sat at a desk in the 9-5 writing job I had, writing for two of Australia's biggest lifestyle publications.

Except, well, I left my job 10 days ago.

The decision to leave my job was based on a magnitude of things, but at its core, it came down to a feeling of unfulfillment which I felt I didn't need to settle for.

I had moved to Sydney from London because I wanted to explore and break away from the work-hard-play-hard culture that is a 9 - 5. But in reality, I had spent a couple of months as an au pair and then had landed myself yet another office job.

Almost as soon as I'd moved into my new apartment, and signed the dotted line to become full-time, I knew I was making a mistake.

I'd moved to Australia to experience Australia, but I'd spent all of that time in one city. I'd had mild freak-outs about that throughout the first few months here, but ultimately I put it down to PMS and just me, being, y'know, dramatic AF.

But after just three months, I knew I had to do what was right for me. I'd made incredible friends in Sydney, who I will be friends with for the rest of my life, but they couldn't keep me here.

So, at the start of August, I handed in my notice for August 31st.

My plan was to go full-time into being a freelance writer on the road. I know I don't own enough to pay rent and bills with writing, so I decided to "work for accommodation", to alleviate the worry of not having a roof over my head. And soon enough, I found a hostel in Sydney who wanted a writer to help them with their website copy in exchange for free accommodation.

And then, in the middle of August, I was approached by a PR company who I'd been recommended to.

So my first week of freelance writing was actually spent being flown around New Zealand on my first assignment. It was long days and the project was a big one, but this morning I sent it off.

So now, I'm in Sydney for 2 weeks (until my parents come out and I see them for the first time in almost 10 months), then I'll be travelling down to Melbourne for a week before catching a flight up to Cairns at the start of October!

From Cairns, my plan is to just take my time travelling down the East Coast. Do things hard to do, get to places hard to get to. But for the most part, just live out what I'd always planned to do when moving out here.

My visa runs out at the start of January, and to be honest, I have no idea where I'll end up going next. Maybe it will be New Zealand, maybe it will be Asia or Indonesia.

2019 is going to be a mystery to me.

What I can say about this experience, is that it's taught me that I am good enough.

For the last month, I've had severe imposter syndrome. I've been second-guessing every single decision I've made, questioning if I'm progressing into a life I don't deserve, or can't achieve.

The night before New Zealand, I called up my friend Tobias in a panic, anxiety in full-go-to mode, saying I didn't think I deserved to go, that I didn't think I could handle it, that I wasn't good enough to pull it off.

At the end of the trip, the co-founder of the company I was representing offered me a job, if I wanted it. (In another life, I would've jumped, but I couldn't be pulled back to the 9-5 again).

The lesson here though is that sometimes you just have to be a bit brave. Sometimes you need to take the risk and see how it pans out. It isn't always going to pay off, but if it doesn't, then it too, shall pass.

There are so many reasons I've felt like a failure in the last two months, and half of that is why I haven't written. Because I haven't felt worthy to write when I've been filled to the brim with self-doubt.

Luckily, I'm on the other side of that, and along with reassurance from my nearest and dearest, the only person who really got me here, is me.

So yes, I will be returning this evening to my 4-bed mixed hostel room, which I'm currently sharing with two French boys and one German.

But I am in that hostel room out of choice, because I chose to pursue what I wanted to do to be happy, rather than to be content.

There will be a whole blog post on this to come, but what I've learnt the most recently, is to act on behalf of yourself, not other people. It's your decisions, and the ramifications will come back to you.

So, I've jumped into the deep end of writing full time. It's terrifying and I don't know when my next paycheck will come in and to be honest, I still don't know if I'm good enough to compete.

But instead of letting that hold me back, I'm using it to prove to myself why I am good enough.

It's been a hot minute, but I'll be back later this week with a new blog post.

Thank you so much! It continues to be terrifying every single day, but I'm so glad I've made the decision - if it doesn't work out, I just find a job, it isn't the end of the world! Thank you for your support!