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King Pellinore: It's all his fault, you know. Emperor Charlemagne, there. He has no activities. That's his trouble. No secular pleasures.

King Pellinore: Excuse a, ah - me. But do you not have any, ah, activities? Any, ah, hobbies? Any, ah, chambering de coucher? Lancelot Du Lac: No, Pellinore. King Pellinore: [to King Arthur] There, you see. You see. Now, why can't he be like the other chaps instead of like himself? Why can't he come home in the evening and hang up his shield and do something that he can be ashamed of! Hmmm? He sure is French.

King Pellinore: Arthur, the uglier the truth, the truer the friend that tells you.

King Pellinore: Arthur, who was that? King Arthur: One of what we all are, Pelli! Less than a drop in the great blue motion of the sunlit sea. But, it seems, that some of the drops - Sparkle, Pelli! Some of them doooooo - Sparkle!

Sir Pelinore: It's not a mere matter of muscle, son. Uh, jousting is, uh... a fine skill. It-it's a highly-developed science. Merlin: Oh-ho-ho-ho. Science indeed. One dummy trying to knock off another dummy with a bit of a stick. Archimedes the Owl: And the Wart's just as hot for it as the rest of them. Merlin: Aye, that he is. That boy has got real spark. Lots of spirit. Throws himself heart and soul into everything he does. That's really worth something, if it could only be turned in the right direction. Archimedes the Owl: Ha ha! Fat chance of that. Merlin: Oh, I plan to cheat, of course. Use magic. Every last trick in the trade if I have to.

Sir Ector: Here's to Sir Kay and - who knows? - the future king of al England! [Ector and Pelinore clink glasses, causing them to break and spill wine over Kay's head] Kay: Watch it, will ya? Sir Pelinore: [suddenly considering this] Kay the King? What a dreadful thought.

[Torrential rain. Rider draws up to the portcullis and sounds his horn] Guard: Who goes there? Sir Pelinore: Pelinore! It's Pelinore, dash it all! I've got big news from London! BIG NEWS! Come on, man, drop the bridge! Merlin: [Listening from the guest room] Oh, big news, eh? Hm. They can't wait for the London Times. First edition won't be out for at least, uh... [looks at watch] Merlin: ...1200 years. Ha! [Raps on Archimedes' house] Merlin: Archimedes? Uh, would you mind sailing down there and, and, uh... Archimedes the Owl: [irritably] Not interested. Merlin: Oh, come, come, come, come, now. You're as wet as you can get! Archimedes the Owl: No! Nope, nope, nope! Merlin: Archimedes! I'll turn you into a human. Archimedes the Owl: Hm! You wouldn't dare! Merlin: I will! So help me, I will! Archimedes the Owl: All right, all right, all RIGHT! [Flies off to spy on Sir Ector and Pelinore] Merlin: All right, eh? He-he-he! Works every time, heh! Just like magic.

Sir Ector: [after putting the sword back in the stone after Wart pulled it] Alright, boy, let's have the miracle. [Wart goes up to the sword to pull it out of the stone again] Kay: [grabs Wart's arm and shoves him away] Now, wait a minute! Anyone can pull it once it's been pulled! [tries to pull the sword but can't] Sir Ector: Go to it, Kay. Give it all you got. Put your back into it! [helps Kay] Sir Ector: [Three other knights come in and try to pull out the sword as well] Black Bart: Now hold on. That's not fair. Sir Pelinore: I say we let the boy try it. Black Bart: That's what I say. Give the boy a chance. Sir Pelinore: Go ahead, son. [Wart walks back up to the sword. The miracle light appears over the stone just when he pulls the sword from the stone successfully] Sir Pelinore: It's a miracle ordained by Heaven. This boy is our king. Sir Ector: Well, by Jove. Black Bart: What's the lad's name? Sir Ector: Eh, Wart... Oh, I mean Arthur. Black Bart: Hail, King Arthur! Crowd: Hail, King Arthur! Long live the king! Archimedes the Owl: [chuckles] I can't believe it! Sir Ector: [bows to Arthur] Oh, forgive me, son. Forgive me. Arthur: Oh, please don't, sir. Sir Ector: Kay! Bow to your king! [Kay bows]

[last lines] King Pellinore: Who is that, Arthur? King Arthur: One of what we all are, Pelly. Less than a drop in the great, blue motion of the sunlit sea. But it seems that some of the drops sparkle, Pelly. Some of them do sparkle! Run, boy! Run, boy!