THE LONG DUMB ARM OF THE LAW

THE LONG DUMB ARM OF THE LAW

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A 1996 law requires pandhandlers to obtain a permit before begging on
the streets of downtown Memphis. It may be assumed that panhandlers with a
strong business model but no permit may still ask strangers to provide
"venture capital."

Though the law is rarely enforced, the courts might
want to inform Tamara Mitchell-Ford that it is illegal for a woman to drive a
car unless there is a man either running or walking in front of it waving a
red flag to warn approaching motorists and pedestrians.

We all know how
rowdy frogs can be after they have a few Budweisers in them,but not many know
thatit's illegal for frogs to croad after 11 p.m. Authorities note that more
than 10,000 ofthe little buggers wereround up in an 1895 sting operation
involving undercover politice officers disguised as "party flies."

And
now for our favorite dumb Memphis law of all time. "It is illegal to give any
pie to fellow diners. It is also illegal to take unfinished pie home. All pie
must be eaten on the premises."So if you see any blue lights flashing while
driving down the street with a nice slice of contraband from Buntyn's -- for
God's sake, man, eat it, EAT IT!A few state laws which conscientious
citizens should be reminded of include:

You can't shoot any game other
than whales from a moving automobile.

The age of consent is 16. Twelve
if the girl is a virgin.

Any person crippling, killing, or in any way
destroying a proud bitch that is running at large shall not be held liable for
the damages due to such killing or destruction. (And most
importantly..)Giving and receiving oral sex is strictly prohibited.