“One of the things I find so weird and pathetic about his appearance is his strangely thick eyelashes. It just makes him look like a creepy melting baby doll head.”A Gawker commenter describing Ted Cruz’s appearance

“Derek is the gayest g–damn thing I’ve ever even heard of. Watching him on screen for one second is like watching a thousand hours of hardcore gay anal sex. He’s so gay that he makes Dan Savage look like Rush Limbaugh. He makes the gay pride parade look like a wet t-shirt contest. He makes Margeret Cho’s stand-up comedy look like Andrew Dice Clay’s stand-up comedy. That kid Derek is so motherf–king gay that while I was watching him perform ‘Yankee Doodle,’ Harvey Fierstein burst through my wall like the Kool-Aid man and jerked off all over my keyboard, and I wasn’t even surprised.”Notes on a particular character from a Full House review

“Wow. You know your organization is in trouble when McDonald’s says it is ‘not satisfied.’ This is coming from the maker of grayish-brown meat circles, tiny condensed chicken mistakes, and, once a year, the ‘Shamrock Shake,’ aka a leprechaun’s diarrhea.”John Oliver commenting on McDonald’s response to a FIFA corruption scandal