In the wake of the news

Truth be known, roping honest MLB doper tough

November 11, 2007|By Rick Morrissey

For no other reason than to humor us, could one baseball player please admit he used steroids or human growth hormone for the sole purpose of becoming a better athlete? Just one guy? OK, somebody less clownish than Jose Canseco.

In other words, it would be nice if a ballplayer, having been outed for buying HGH from an aromatherapist in Scranton or a manicurist in Biloxi, simply said: "You know what? I wanted to be bigger, faster and stronger. So sue me."

Instead, we're learning that Major League Baseball is filled with all sorts of maladies that only steroids and HGH can help. And the fact that these drugs happen to be considered performance enhancers ... well, you want to talk about a coincidence?

Thanks to the persuasive powers of the American grand jury system, Jason Giambi has admitted using both substances but has declined to say why he used them.

That's a pity because Giambi strikes me as the kind of guy who could come up with a creative excuse. It might be a stretch for the thick-haired Giambi, but no athlete has yet mounted the male-pattern-baldness defense.

So far, current and former ballplayers have said they purchased the drugs to help with ankle and leg injuries (Matt Williams), a pituitary tumor (Paul Byrd) and post-elbow-surgery difficulties (Rick Ankiel).

Most everyone else who has been implicated in baseball's steroids mess has gone into the no-comment mode, the talk-to-my-lawyer mode or the don't-make-me-beat-you-up mode.

That leaves it to us to surmise what might have caused various ballplayers to allegedly seek the aid of HGH and other performance-enhancing drugs. It's unfortunate, but until we hear otherwise, we're sticking with our list: Troy Glaus (conjoined-twin abandonment issues), Jay Gibbons (acid reflux), Jose Guillen (virulent post-nasal drip), Ismael Valdez lactose intolerance like you wouldn't believe), Gary Matthews Jr. (not easy being a Jr.) and Scott Schoeneweis (not sure yet).

That so many of these players went to a mail-order source for drugs instead of their own doctors is fascinating. So is the fact that many of the athletes bought steroids and HGH in bulk. As is the fact that the source for the drugs apparently is an anti-aging facility in Florida. A dentist who later was suspended for fraud reportedly wrote some of the prescriptions. Nothing says "legitimate" quite like a defrocked dentist, does it?

The ballplayers' standard defense will be that MLB didn't ban HGH until 2005 and therefore it was OK to use the drug before then. Yes, but it was criminally illegal unless prescribed by a doctor. There are athletes, doctors and overly exuberant dentists out there who should be doing some heavy duty sweating right about now.

The latest news is that as many as 11 free agents have been asked to meet with George Mitchell, who is leading baseball's investigation into performance-enhancing drugs in the game. There are many people who believe this is the tip of a very muscular iceberg.

A former Mets clubhouse worker who pleaded guilty to steroids dealing reportedly has turned over documents to investigators that list the names of ballplayers with whom he did business.

Mitchell is expected to have his report ready by the end of the year. What will it mean? Given baseball's sluggish response to the entire steroid problem, probably not too much.

Some of you wish the whole debate would go away. Others would like to acknowledge that steroids were very much a problem in baseball but not have that acknowledgment preclude anyone from induction into the Hall of Fame. I think if Cooperstown is in business to reflect the sport and its role in culture, it needs to admit that there has been a 20-year period in which the game has been under a cloud of suspicion.

My suggestion is the Hall devotes an entire floor to the steroids problem. Perhaps it could be called the Palm Beach Rejuvenation Center wing, in honor of the place where many of the ballplayers reportedly received their "rejuvenating" drugs.

Until then, we wait. We wait for Mitchell's report, which might or might not name names. Unless it includes the name Barry Bonds (terrible wheat allergies), it's hard to see how it's going to have any legitimacy at all.

My team of doctors prescribed HGH to help take the edge off of my lifelong problem with right-handedness. All I know is that I feel 21 again.