Thursday, September 25, 2008

My Blue Period Continues

This morning I found a bag under my eye. Just the right one. Apparently the left eye is getting plenty of rest.

This worries me a little because I can't recall missing any sleep. I haven't stayed up past 11 PM at all this week, and while I get up fairly early, it's not so painfully early that it would cause remarkably visible distortion to the area below my right eye.

So, I'm forced to conclude that the dark circles under my eyes can only be blamed on witchcraft.

Witches are clearly entering my bedchamber between the hours of midnight and 5 AM, turning me into a cashier, and forcing me to work behind the counter of their 24-hour Evil Bodega. Or something.

You know what's hard? Trying to maintain your funny blog when you aren't in the mood to be funny. I spent all day yesterday working on a blog post about possibly being allergic to my work chair. (It gives me a rash on the backs of my legs.) I concluded that bathing the rash in my own tears made the itchiness less intense at least temporarily. Then, I ate an entire bag of jelly beans and took a nap.

And today, I'm not feeling much more enthusiastic. I just spent the last two hours looking at LOLCats with what I can only imagine was a look of utter devastation on my face. So I switched to episodes of Planet Unicorn on YouTube. Nothing. If things don't improve, we're talking Eddie Izzard's Dress to Kill or entire seasons of Kids in the Hall. What is up with the early part of fall? I'm supposed to be jolly like a good wood elf. But instead, I feel like someone killed my puppy.

If you would like to contribute anything amusing to my "Get Happy" fund, please post it in comments or email me at themayorofbethville@gmail.com. In the meantime, I shall continue wallowing in the dank bathwater of sadness behind this shower curtain of misery in the small bathroom of melancholy that is my life.

I've got nothing. Unless you want to mock me about tearing up when talking to my Aussie ex for the first time in months (and probably the last time ever). Or about me having a crush on a guy getting married in 3 weeks. Suckiness abounds; I'm looking forward to copious amounts of booze tomorrow.

Oh, my. It's serious when lolcats are ineffective. This calls for my big guns: I suggest playing Prince's raunchiest hits (Get Off, for example) and dancing around all sexylike in one's apartment and trying to keep a Serious Sexy Face on. It rarely works, and you end up cracking yourself up. Especially if, like me, you have the dance skills of a drunken moose.