Once, when pulling a U-turn, I put a big fat dent in this guy's brand new truck. I just sped off before anyone noticed.

"How is it that hardly any major religion has looked at science and concluded, 'This is better than we thought! The Universe is much bigger than our prophets said, grander, more subtle, more elegant. God must be even greater than we dreamed'? Instead they say, 'No, no, no! My god is a little god, and I want him to stay that way.'" - Carl Sagan

"To doubt everything or to believe everything are two equally convenient solutions; both dispense with the necessity of reflection." - Henri Poincaré

One April fool's day I put up a poster in the lifts at work which read: 'Half Price Sandwiches in the Shop'. I went into the shop at lunch time and asked the Chinese lady who ran the shop for a half price sandwich and she almost screamed: No they not ****y half price, some b******d put up poster in lift!

The smoke wafted gently in the breeze across the poop deck and all seemed right in the world.

My dad was legally blind without his thick glasses with the John Lennon wire rims. I used to get up about once a month after my dad went to bed and move his glasses about a foot over or put them behind something on the shelf in the bathroom where he kept his glasses. In the morning I would here him slapping around on the shelf mumbling about where his glasses got to. Just grinned to myself. He never did know I did it.

~~~~~~/\~~~~~~

The heart has its reason, of which reason knows nothing. -Pascal - thanks, Z

"The only rules that really matter are these: what a man can do and what a man can't do." Cpt Jack Sparrow

"I'm used to going out at 3 in the morning and doing something stupid."Alan Moore

When I was a junior in college I had a good friend of the opposite sex - a freshman named Ubi Dubium (sort of). I wanted to date her but hadn't quite figured out how to make the jump from friendship to romance. I have always seemed older and wiser than I really am. People come to me for advice frequently. A freshman named Scott came to me for advice - he wanted to ask Ubi Dubium out on Saturday night, he was nervous and he wasn't sure what to do. I told him not to bother. Realizing he would anyway, I immediately called Ubi Dubium and asked her out for Saturday. She told me later that the oddest thing happened to her. Two minutes after I called, Scott showed up at her door to ask her out. "I had to say 'no' of course . . ."

Davros, Attorney and Pieces of LawKeeping up appearances is a very important activity in religion; in fact, maintaining tattered illusions is its main activity. - Richard Wade, on Friendlyatheist.comWe make an idol of our fear and call it God. -Ingmar Bergman, The Seventh Seal

I and my friends took two boxes of chocolate ex lax and chopped it up into two boxes of brownies.

192 doses in 40 brownies equaled 4.8 doses per brownie.

I went to high school extra early the next morning and slipped the two plates of brownies on tables in the teachers lounge. I kept peeking my head in throughout the morning. All the brownies were gone by lunch time.

The school exhausted the county's supply of substitute teachers that day. Even the principal and vice principal had to take over classes.

Not the most terrible thing I have ever done, I'm sure, but the only thing I can remember at the moment, in my sleep deprived state.

My brother was absolutely terrible at playing the recorder. You know, the five year old's version of a flute. It disassembled into three pieces, so I took it apart, put one bit in an empty ice cream bucket, filled it with water, then put it at the bottom of the freezer. Another bit, I climbed to the top of a light pole and duct taped it to the top. The final and most important bit, the whistle end, I took about a kilometre away from my house. My house was near an abandoned quarry, which was now full of water and was probably poisonous, so I went to the top of the cliff overhanging it and pitched it as far as I could into it.

He found the bit in the freezer, but I wouldn't let up for any of the other bits. Then he got a violin.

A flap of the wings yesterday means big changes tomorrow.Let's work together to keep the present inevitable.

What goes around, comes around though and I got my just deserts for that prank on the poor shop lady.

One year at Easter, I went on holiday with some friends to a god awful English Campsite somewhere near Great Yarmouth. On the first night there was entertainment and a dance and we all got hammered. On the tables was a leaflet offering Full English breakfast for 50p between 7.30 am and 8. We dragged ourselves out of bed with terrible hang overs and queued up in the freezing cold outside the restaurant (it was snowing). 8am came and went and there was no sign of the restaurant opening and then we realised, it was April Fools day.

The smoke wafted gently in the breeze across the poop deck and all seemed right in the world.

It's all coming back to me now. I've had a nap. I was camping with my family and a few of our family friends. They all had kids around my age, and we got up to all sorts of mischief. One night, it was very windy and all the adults got drunk, so we decided to take the tent pegs out from some of the tents and try to use them to climb trees. For those who don't know, tent pegs hold the tent down. They're steel hooks that go into the ground. And hold the tent down.

Anyway, about an hour later, at around 8pm, everyone was gathered around the campfire. We were cooking steak or something. Suddenly, a tent went rolling past. It had been picked up by the wind and rolled through the campsite. Then it hit a clump of bushes and went over the top. It was hilarious. Ten or so drunken adults chasing after a tent with a bunch of kids my age trying not to wee our pants out of sheer hilarity.

Boy did we get a good yelling-at.

A flap of the wings yesterday means big changes tomorrow.Let's work together to keep the present inevitable.

You work in an office-like situation, right? If you have cubicles, try putting glad wrap in frontx of the cubicle opening of a workmate and fill it with packing foam thingies. Never fails to be hilarious.

A flap of the wings yesterday means big changes tomorrow.Let's work together to keep the present inevitable.

The absolute best prank I've ever heard of I only heard about secondhand. The person telling me swore it was 100% true, however.

When he was in college one of his friends turned 21. Most of his friends took the guy out to get him good and hammered, while 2 stayed behind "to study." So while they are out getting this guy as drunk as possible, the 2 stragglers go to his dorm, which has that fake wood paneling that was so popular in the late 70's early 80's, where it's one big thin sheet of wall covering like 10foot square or whatever. Anyway they take the frame off the baseboard and from around his door, take the doorknob off completely, and remove that whole section of wall. Because this fake wood crap is so cheap and people damage it all the time, there was a maintenence closet with replacement pieces, and they took out a brand-new piece and covered the door to his room, making it look just like a hallway wall. They even had a replacement piece of baseboard.

So this poor dude stumbles home that night, drunk out of his mind, and his dorm room is just gone.

I believe it's time for mankind to set aside the crutch of religion and embrace morality born of reason and truth. Those crutches have long since proven treacherous when the ground gets slippery.

No names, no details, but I can confirm it is true that if your friend falls asleep at a party and you put their fingers in a glass of warm water, they will piss themselves.

"I don't mean to sound bitter, cynical or cruel; but I am, so that's how it comes out." ~ Bill Hicks."To argue with a person who has renounced reason is like administering medicine to the dead." ~ Thomas Paine."One should not believe everything one reads on the internet." ~ Abraham Lincoln."If you're making a political point wearing a balaclava, you're a c***. It was true for the IRA and it's true now." ~ daftbeaker.