My 2019 Feminist Wish-List

1. To the feminist/activists and allies, in principle, we don’t need to agree on everything. We can disagree on how we achieve the UHURU we aspire to without being accused of being divisive and ‘dividing’ the movement.
2. Cis-heteronormative feminists, can we underhandedly stop expecting queer and transgender women to negotiate their humanity and trade-off their right to be in the name of ‘peace’ within the movement.
3. We need to stop trying to prescribe to each other as though we have authority on feminism, activists are not holders/proprietors of all that is right and good in the world.
4. It’s about time we also recognize that just because we are activists it doesn’t mean we don’t also have problematic biases and behaviors to unlearn. We equally need to look in the mirror and check ourselves.
5. When trans and queer women call-out the feminist movement for its hypocrisy, can we listen instead of being defensive. The reality is that our feminism is not as inclusive as it needs to be, it’s not enough to merely call ourselves intersectional without doing the work that reflects that.
6. You can fight for #lgbtqpia+ rights even when you don’t identify as such, cis-het activists should also fight for the rights of other communities to self-represent.
7. We need to stop putting feminists and or activists on a pedestal (hierarchy) as though they have all the answers, we make mistakes, so can we not be lynched nor do it to each other for our shortcomings.
8. As activists, can we stop cancelling and dragging people for mistakes they made, apologized for and outgrew years ago just because we can to fuel the call-out-culture on social media. Can we start fostering a culture of forgiveness, especially when people demonstrate that they have unlearnt their problematic behavior?
9. It makes hypocrites of us all if we claim that we are fighting for a cohesive and just world, but refuse to recognize and acknowledge when people have indeed changed and grown.
10. Feminists, just because our wokeness led most of us away from religion, it doesn’t give us a free pass to judge those who still follow religious beliefs. Feminism reserves the right for people to choose.
11. In this fluid world, if your feminism still excludes sexuality based issues, what are you doing with your life.
12. It’s important to remember that sexuality and (sex) gender are not mutually exclusive.
13. To the society, when you tell transgender and gender-non-conforming people that ‘god doesn’t make mistakes’ to critique their transition, you are part of the problem.
14. A reminder that you’re still transphobic if you’re only civilized to the transgender people you find sexually attractive just because they physically have features that resemble heteronormatively ‘acceptable’ attributes of what’s considered beautiful and appealing, therefore socially ‘palate’.
15. You’re erasing someone’s being when you choose to ignore their preferred pronouns just because for some reason you think you’re in a position to have an opinion about how others identify.
16. Just because you don’t understand, it doesn’t give you the permission to judge nor dictate how people live their lives. Stay in your lane, people don’t owe you an explanation.
17. It’s reductionist to limit and base gender (womanhood and manhood) to the private part people were born with.
18. Reminder to all heteronormatives, it’s not your place to ‘out’ people. You have no right to tell people about someone’s sexuality without their consent.
19. Keep in mind that lesbian women are not trying to be men when they have a masculine demeanor, and gay men are not trying to be women when they are more feminine. Femininity is not exclusive to women, and masculinity Is not exclusive to men.
20. And what the hell is a tomboy? It’s ignorant to judge and limit the activities your girl-child can engage in just because they are a girl. So what if she prefers to climb trees and play with toy-cars. Children’s activities like jobs, are not gendered.
21. Also, women can be as masculine as they want, it doesn’t make them any less woman.
22. It’s not just cis-het men who benefit from patriarchy, cis-heteronormative women are also privileged by the system because they are used as the standard of womanhood and femininity at the expense of transwomen.
23. Also, patriarchy oppresses men as much as it does women. Dismantling a system that socializes men to keep their feelings buried while leading you to believe that your value is measured on your ability to provide will be just as empowering to men.
24. To black communities and black men, can we leave the notion that it’s some white conspiracy when successful black men are accused of being predators. Your silence and support for predators who prey on black women and children makes you just as guilty, you need to stop protecting the black image at the expense of the black woman.
25. To Black parents, when your kid comes out to you about their sexuality, it has never been ok to tell them it’s a phase they will outgrow. Your job as a parent is to be there when they need you, your children’s sexuality is not about you.
26. Stop raising your daughters to become mothers to the men they end up with.
27. Stop raising your daughters to believe that motherhood is the thing that ultimately defines their womanhood. If she doesn’t want kids, that’s her choice. She doesn’t owe you grandkids as much as she doesn’t owe her husband children, and that doesn’t make her any less of a woman.
28. Teach your sons that their role as fathers and romantic partners is more than just about their material ability to provide.
29. They need to commit to parenting their kids, not ‘baby-sitting’. Child-care is not reserved solely to women.
30. It’s toxic masculinity to expect and socialize your sons to ‘man-up’, being aggressive and violent doesn’t make a man.
31. Stop using the word ‘gay’ as though it’s a derogative or negative term to refer to your feminine sons, masculinity is not linear. And also, so what if they are gay.
32. Can we leave the word setabani in 2018, there is no excuse for such violent language!
33. You can’t beat and shame your gays sons into heteronormativity.
34. Can you also stop using ‘it’s not our culture’ to excuse your hateful ways, culture is not static (white wedding anyone)!
35. Depression is not a myth or witchcraft, it needs to be diagnosed and treated. Mental illness is not the result of young people being sensitive, and it certainly can’t be treated with prayer or pretending it’s not there.
36. We need to forester a culture of going to therapy and talking through our problems, it could save a lot of lives.
37. When your kids develop interests’ black communities didn’t historically have access to, it doesn’t mean they are acting ‘white’.
38. Blood doesn’t make family, make this the year of cutting off the creepy uncle who’s acting like a predator.
39. Also, don’t force your kids to hug relatives and strangers when the kid clearly doesn’t want to. Respect your kid’s agency and listen to them when they raise alarm.
40. Make it safe for your kids to confide in you. They should know you will believe and fight for them if and when the need arises.
41. Let’s care-less about what people are going to say and how the community will see the family when it comes to reporting a sexual predator who assaulted your child. Rape is a crime that should never be left to being the family secret everyone is forced to carry because ‘what will people say’.
42. To the cis-het men, it’s not a healthy ‘debate’ as you’d like to refer to it if the only reason you’re arguing with a feminist is to gaslight her in order to ‘out’ her as ‘irrational’ and ‘unreasonable’.
43. It’s not evolved of you if the only reason you pursue a feminist person is to prove that you can ‘conquer her’ for the performance of your own masculinity, feminists are not objects.
44. If you’re convinced that feminists hate men, read a book because our feminism isn’t about you.
45. If you believe that feminists are angry, then join the queue.
46. Stop creating and perpetuating the conditions that make for angry and infuriated women, and then blaming them for being angry. Our anger is valid and rational!
47. As a matter of fact, know that telling queer and trans women and or people who are not sexually attracted to you that all they need is your ‘dick’ to get them to change their sexuality is violent and rapey. Your penis is not a magic stick, keep it in your pants.
48. Can 2019 be the year where you stop fetishizing same sex relationships (especially when it’s two women) by reducing what they have to just sex to satisfy your own sexual fantasies!
49. When you remove a condom during sex without my consent, it’s rape.
50. Women’s bodies belong to women, and you have no say in that. We will not negotiate the rights to my body.
51. The woman in your life is entitled to terminate a pregnancy she doesn’t want nor is she ready to carry, and you have no right to make her feel guilty about her decision. Abortion is an amoral medical procedure, not murder.
52. If you continue to pursue a woman who has already rejected you, it’s violence. Respect her right to say no!
53. If your friend is violent to women and you say nothing, your silence makes you just as guilty.
54. Consent is not a moment nor is it set in stone, people are allowed to change their minds without being accused of being ‘a tease’.
55. Can you respect women as full human adults, and not just because of their proximity to the women in your life?
56. Romantic partners don’t owe you sex. When you force yourself on them without their consent, it’s rape.
57. To white women, It’s not anti-feminism when black women create spaces that don’t include you in them. If we need to heal away from whiteness, that’s ok.
58. Leave us alone to have Black feminism to ensure that we address the issues that intersect race, class, sexuality, ability and etc without being made to feel that our black women only spaces are ‘reverse racism’. History has shown the inefficiencies of the mainstream one size fits all feminism.
59. When you are in spaces that privilege you as the standard of all that is feminine and beautiful in the world, while women of color are being discriminated against, say and do something.
60. If you really believe in equality and equity for all women, you must be willing to loosen the leash on your material privilege to ensure women of color catch up and get opportunities that were historically only reserved for you.
61. When you hear the people in your family make racist remarks, do something.
62. Remind the transformation committee in your office that inclusion and fair representation doesn’t mean assimilation when peter accuses a black woman of being so ‘angry’ when she disagrees.

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WokeProject was founded by a Feminist Blogger,Thought Leader and Anthropologist from Johannesburg, Rebone Masemola.

She created the platform because there is a gap when it comes to a diversified representation of the stories of minority groups. She felt that the mainstream media doesn’t truly report on narratives and the lived realities of Women of color, Youth and LGBTQI communities in a way that reflects and resonates with their daily lives.

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