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Lord Bush heroically flies US command module out of doomed planet

Supreme Commander Lord Bush the Second today piloted the US command module in a heroic but desperate flight to safety, saving the officers and command crew but sacrificing the millions of brave souls who remained in the country's doomed, flaming hull. With Commander Bush at the flight controls, Weapons Officer Rumsfeld manning the main Long Island gun platform, and Rice at the communications deck, the command module rose out of the blasted Earth, trailing the smoking wreckage of the spurs and decks that once connected it with neighbouring states. As it rose, small business escape pods were seen ejecting among the debris from the module's torn aft section.

The module encountered sporadic resistance from enemy fighters, but the shield of Maine held, the weapons platforms of Massachusetts and New York dished out fire, the crew compartments of Penn and Maryland survived intact and the Virginia engines ran steady. Once the module was safely in orbit and Rumsfeld had cleared the last wave of enemy fighters, Bush yelled from the bridge at DC: "Yeee-ha! We made it, we still got a ship, let's go kick some ass!". Even as he spoke, stormtroopers were neutralising the few remaining peace knights who tried to infiltrate the bridge state.

The crew debated whether to override the nuclear self-destruct timer set in the hull below, to give the remaining crew a fighting chance, but were convinced by adviser Wolfowitz that such a move would be illogical. Advisor Perle swept aside Ambassador Annan's protestations with these words: "There is no hope, Commander, the hull is breached. You've seen what these liberals and homosexuals would do to them, slowly eating them from inside. It's a fate worse than death. I implore you Commander, activate the self-destruct mechanism, do it now!"...

As the blast wave radiated closer to the orbiting ship, the officers fell in sombre silence - there was no sight of Apprentice Arnie on the module, and everyone had seen the California platform disintegrate in flames behind them, after its failed attempt to detach from the hull. But a scanner officer broke the silence with the words "We, have company... a small ship... a shuttle!" and everyone erupted in joyous laughter as Apprentice Arnie's shuttle came closer and landed in Chesapeake bay. As rice threw herself into his arms, the soon-to-be master said to Bush over his heavy breath "I could not fail you, Commander".