Are you having enough sex? Are you pleasing your man? Are you keeping it spicy and juicy as well as fresh in the bedroom? Yup, that’s the conversation we’re having today.

Let me tell you….sex is necessary. You can’t keep doing the same old thing day in and day out. You have to spice it up. Start that fire and let your man add to it and then put the flame out, okay! Tell your man he has a fire he needs to put out and that you’re in need of the Vitamin D!

Sometimes you have to show up at the front door with something sexy on and a cute pair of heels; catch him off guard, those are always the best moments. Sometimes you may need to make arrangements for the kids to stay at grandma’s house. Or perhaps if you’re like me with teenagers in the house–you go in your room, shut and lock the door and turn the TV or music up. Honey, you have to get it in where you can.

We all have long days at work and sometimes away from our significant others for hours throughout the day. Do you ever text your man something sexy or send an emoji to let him know it’s going to be on tonight?

Emoji references:

= penis

= booty

= lick

= kisses

= kisses

There are times when you may want to make love, then there are times when you just need a quickie, or you may need a little action at 3AM and then roll back over to go to sleep. Shoot, there may be times when you just want to be nasty and do nasty things and that is okay too!

It’s funny, because I’ve always been a daddy’s girl. However, I’ve never discussed anything remotely close to sex with my father. At 16 years old he gave me a promise ring and told me to sustain from having sex before marriage. Well of course that didn’t happen but my dad never really said much about it. My father is also an ordained minister and when I got married he married my husband and I. But before we were married we had “counseling” sessions with my father because of course, that’s what black people do before marriage. While talking with my father he tells me to make sure I’m keeping my husband satisfied in the bedroom and having lots of sex. Because it’s important in a marriage and because sex matters a whole lot to men. I was taken aback when I heard that come out of my dads mouth. I was his little girl or at least I wanted to think I was. But in fact I was a full-grown adult about to be married and he was telling me to be sure my man was happy in the bedroom. I figured if my daddy was telling me this then there must be some truth to it!

I believe that I’m currently in my prime years. The years between 30-40, the time when we really need to be getting it in. Because from what I hear once that menopause hit–there may be some drought happening and we really don’t have time for no dry desert situations. So while we are still in our prime, the next time you and your man decide to get it on, be sure that you’re giving him all of you. Be like Missy Elliot and sing to yourself, “P****Y don’t fail me now!” Order some sexy lingerie. Decide to try something different. Make you a sexy music playlist and have it on hand for when you need it most. Don’t forget to grab your oils and toys for the bedroom too.

Grant it, there are days when we as ladies just can’t seem to get the strength to go to the bathroom, let alone, to have sex. Just like with finances, or dealing with the kids, or personal issues, communication is important when it comes to sex. Don’t be afraid to have those sexual conversations with your partner. That way both parties are being pleased on a consistent basis. Because ladies, it’s just as important that you are being pleased too!

The D Challenge

I go hound for the D

Pound for pound for the D

I jump up & down, then on the ground for the D

Don’t mess around with the D

I take my time with the D

Anytime, yes indeed

I freshened up for the D

Baked a cake for the D, cuz I’m about to put him to sleep

I put the turtleneck on the D

But I’m careful with the teeth

My dude is like Drake, he’s back to back for the P!

– Itoja

If you’re not married and having sex please be sure you are having safe sex.

Got comments? Leave them below!

Keep it Spicy,

]]>https://itoja.com/2019/01/19/theres-a-meeting-in-my-bedroom/feed/2two panel painting of palm plantitojadesignSmoking on Hayhttps://itoja.com/2019/01/12/smoking-on-hay/
https://itoja.com/2019/01/12/smoking-on-hay/#commentsSat, 12 Jan 2019 17:00:55 +0000http://itoja.com/?p=905Read more Smoking on Hay →]]>Twenty three years ago, the year was 1996 and I remember clear as day riding around my small town with my best friend, of now 28 years, singing to Crucial Conflict’s hottest song at the time, “Hay.”

We didn’t just listen to the song, but we jammed to the song. We would sing the song to the top of our lungs. We mimicked the group as we tried to quote the rappers especially on their fast parts. Thinking about that now makes me want to laugh at the top of my lungs.

To take it a step further my best friend had a small, red Mazda MX3, and she had the nerve to have a sound system in the trunk of the car (Remember it was the 90s). So when we rode around listening to our favorite songs such as Hay, the song had all the base and treble anyone could ask for. I mean it thumped!

But we loved the song Hay and honestly, I didn’t even know everything they were talking about at the time. Mostly I knew it was about smoking weed and I had never smoked weed before but it was something about the beat and the rapping that made me love the song anyway.

To my knowledge weed was just weed back then. But over the years the industry –yea it’s an industry now–has grown tremendously. They’re whipping up this weed like it’s the latest cake at a birthday party. Like what flavor would you like; and do you want that in plant form, edible, or oils? It’s that serious.

Here are just a few names that you may or may not be familiar with:

Purple Haze

Jack Herer

Gonja

Kush

Skywalker OG

Blackcherry Kush

Banana OG

Purp

Loud

Superman

Blue cheese

Any of these names ring a bell?

If not, they are all familiar names or strands of weed that has become the norm over the years. Believe it or not, there are hundreds of different types or strands of weed these days.

Many people consider themselves to be functional smokers. I have even heard of jobs no longer testing for drug usage due to the higher number of people consuming marijuana these days; especially on the West Coast.

In today’s society, more and more people are smoking weed. Legalization of marijuana is steadily increasing for recreational and medical usage, but there are still many regulations and federal laws surrounding the popular drug to date. Many fail to realize that these federal laws cause for marijuana to still be illegal in many places whereas in 1996 it was illegal all around the board.

Celebs have begun creating their own strands of weed and basically monopolizing off the whole brand. Nowadays you can buy stock in Cannabis. There are weed dispensaries or stores in specific cities around the world. The industry has really grown if that’s what you’re into. For me, it’s not my thing. I would much rather get into the wine business. Or have my own line of wines (if anyone can help me with that please contact me). But that’s another story. Let’s stick to the topic at hand. This weed.

Here’s what I really want people to know……

Many people fail to realize that they aren’t smoking weed in its purest form anymore. What they are smoking is hybrid weed or a certain strand of weed which transforms the weed into a compilation of many things in one. Just look at some those names I listed above.

Then what about the THC. THC is an abbreviation for this really long word (tetrahydracannabinol) which is the intoxicating chemical that is found in the cannabis plant.

The trick is that more and more THC is being added to weed these days because that is the chemical that actually makes you high. Not that real “organic” weed will not make you high but the added THC will make you feel higher. Natural weed was originally used to make you calm and had more of a healing effect. Let’s face it, no one is smoking that type of weed anymore. People are smoking weed to get higher, higher, and higher.

With that said, did you know that THC has a very high dosage of estrogen? Estrogen is the hormone that helps develop female characteristics within a woman’s body. So the more THC you add to weed the more estrogen you’ll find! And then guess what? The more it goes into your body. At this point you’re getting less and less of the calming effects that weed or marijuana once had on a person and more of the estrogen or THC components.

Are you still following me?

So fellas, do you ever wonder why sometimes you start acting like a “Mitch!” Or ever wonder why you’re getting man boobs? Well, you’re tuning yourself into a little woman with all that estrogen you’re inhaling! Hahahahahaha but seriously. It’s true. To take it a step further you may even experience erectile dysfunction, loss of hair, or other side effects.

Ladies, perhaps you’re experiencing irregular monthly cycles, or anxiety, or fertility issues. These can all come from the over consumption of marijuana.

Of course, all side effects do not occur in every person but certainly I hope this gives all of you smokers something to think about. Besides, what’s worse than smoking a blunt after someone else has licked all around it and then participating in that puff, puff, pass situation. My OCD can’t tolerate any parts of that.

Listen, don’t you all come for me at once. I know I’m trotting around a very sensitive area here. I’m just the messenger and I refuse to pass judgement on anyone. So keep living your best life but just remember what “itoja!”

ps: Here’s the YouTube video of Hay by Crucial Conflict from 1996.

]]>https://itoja.com/2019/01/12/smoking-on-hay/feed/8shallow focus photography of cannabis plantitojadesignProtecting our Daughters!https://itoja.com/2019/01/08/protecting-our-daughters/
https://itoja.com/2019/01/08/protecting-our-daughters/#commentsTue, 08 Jan 2019 18:00:35 +0000http://itoja.com/?p=2161Read more Protecting our Daughters! →]]>I remember growing up and often feeling like my sister and I really couldn’t do as much as our friends or cousins did. There were times when we would beg and plead to stay over someone’s house and the answer was always, NO! Eventually we got use to the word NO and stop asking to stay places or to even go certain places. My mother always stated that our friends could come visit us and that was it. I really didn’t understand why at the time but that was our life.

Just so we are clear, I come from a two parent home, but whatever momma said is what the final rule was. If we ever tried to out talk my mother all she had to do was say my daddy’s name and my dad would give us a look, as if to say, you heard what your momma said! LOL

Now that I’m older, I understand my mother’s logic quite well and I’m actually very thankful that such guidelines were in place. I now know that my mother was protecting me from being exposed to potential situations I had no business being in at such a young age. I also realize that my parents only wanted what was best for my sister and me.

What it boils down to is, a person doesn’t know what goes on at another person’s house behind closed doors. Not saying that everyone is doing bad things but you just don’t know. Another parent might have rules that are totally different from what are currently in place at your house. It’s better to not have a child placed in an environment that could be totally foreign to them.

All of this came to mind after I was watching the “Surviving R. Kelly” docuseries that recently aired on Lifetime. In case you didn’t watch the series, this man has preyed on younger girls for most of his music career causing mental, physical, and sexual abuse to young girls and women as they told their personal stories. The docuseries highlighted his actions from a young child all the way up to today–where it is said that he had a sex cult. I watched the show with my daughter as it was very hard to do so, but being that I too, have a 14 year old child, I felt it was necessary and important.

I remember listening to him in heavy rotation as a teenager, not really knowing or putting two and two together. Now when I think about some of the songs that he made they seem to all be centered on him targeting young naïve children. Songs like Bump & Grind, and the lyrics stating “His mind is telling him no…but his body is telling him yes!” Imagine him, as a 28 year old man singing this to a 14 year old girl.

What’s even more disgusting are the parents who act like they couldn’t do anything to protect their children. I remember listening to the show and this one couple stating that their child who was 14 at the time, threatened them if they didn’t let her go away with R. Kelly.

Really!

Are you kidding me?

Who’s the parent and who’s the adult in this situation?

I wish my daughter would come to me and tell me she’s running off with some guy and if I don’t let her she’s going to threaten me. Honey, you better send all your threats then because my number one mission and goal is to always protect my child whether she likes it or not. I hate to see parents not protecting their children and just letting them do whatever they want. It’s time for us to take back the parent role in our households. I tell my daughter all the time, you will thank me when you get older and that’s that.

I also believe that it is our responsibility to not only protect our daughters but to also have the best interest of other children that may cross our paths at heart. During this R. Kelly docuseries so many people were helping and assisting him with getting way with being a predator and no one ever stood up for these young girls. No one came to their rescue. No one had enough balls to tell R. Kelly NO! They were all smitten by his fame and celebrity lifestyle that they allowed a grown man to take advantage of innocent girls.

So the current question floating around social media is can you separate the artist from art? I believe in this instance, there is no way to separate the two. Time after time he wrote and sung songs that were centered on having sex with young girls and WE as a culture have ignored every single solitary sign that has come across our TV’s and radio. It’s time that we do better. We can start by not listening to his music!

I want to publicly ask my generation to stop listening to R. Kelly’s music as protecting our daughters should be more important than listening to his music. How about we not give him wings so that he can fly any more. How about we step in the name of love and protect our daughters. Lets also teach our daughters the importance of self worth and self love. That no man should ever be able to take their power or voice away from them.

LETS PROTECT OUR DAUGHTERS. YOUNG BLACK GIRLS ARE IMPORTANT TOO!

]]>https://itoja.com/2019/01/08/protecting-our-daughters/feed/3woman wearing white and black plaid cold shoulder dressitojadesignMy mission for 2019https://itoja.com/2019/01/05/my-mission-for-2019/
https://itoja.com/2019/01/05/my-mission-for-2019/#commentsSat, 05 Jan 2019 17:00:49 +0000http://itoja.com/?p=2039Read more My mission for 2019 →]]>The year of 2018 was very busy for me. I planned a wedding for most of the year while work had me consumed more than I would like to admit. If I’m totally honest with you, the hectic year took me away from taking care of myself the way that I should. I should have been losing weight for a wedding and I was instead gaining. Let’s not talk about all the coins I spent throughout the year as well.

The year of 2018 left my wallet empty and it also left me carrying around more weight around my midsection and face than I really want to confess to.

Almost 9 years ago, I made a conscious decision to lose weight and slowly the weight melted off of me. I looked like a completely different person the following year and I swore I would never gain weight again. Well now, most of that weight has found its way back to me after years of not being as mindful of things I consumed and lack of exercise. So, guess what time it is? It’s time to start this journey all over again.

So, I’m doing this with no regrets. I’m leaving all the stress of 2018 in 2018 and I am putting ME and my wallet first! I am devoting 2019 to losing weight and to building all my accounts back up! Yes, all of them! I also realize that my life is totally different from what it was 9 years ago so it may not be as easy and I may not even get to the size I once wore, but I’m willing to put in all of the work, plus more!

How will I put myself first?

I will make time for my workouts. I realize that exercise is very important when it comes to losing weight as well as maintaining your weight. That means I may have to cut hours at my part-time job because it is just that important. Or, perhaps I would depend on the hubby or teenage kids to plan a simple meal while momma gets her exercise on.

I must also cut back on sugars and carbs and maximize my fiber and vegetable intake. I’ve done it before, I can do it again. All it takes is willpower and the art of consistency. Basically, I need for my waist to get smaller and my wallet to get fatter and not the reverse.

I can also make easy and smart decision by grabbing a protein shake as a meal replacement or even taking an extra walk in the evenings.

But please, feel free to check-up on ya girl from time to time to see how I’m doing because the carbs be calling my name like I’m a soldier at war.

Anyone else need to rededicate themselves to putting yourself (or your wallet) first? Let’s do it! Take a moment to process your 2018 and make small changes here and there in efforts to continue cultivating yourself into the best YOU there is!

For starters, check out my shirt in the featured picture. I ran across it online and I just had to order it. It’s such a conversation starter; with those who know I’m a blogger and also to those who have no clue!

So when I’m wearing the shirt, I typically respond with, yes, I am a blogger plus so much more! As you all know, I recently celebrated my one year blogging anniversary (you can find that post HERE); this past year has been a blast and I’ve posted a ton of blogs! Today, I’m sharing my top 5 blogs of the year with you. It’s my year-end wrap-up!

At Last….My Love has come along!Here I share my last blog before getting married. I also share some of the anxieties I was having as we got closer to the big day!

This weekend in Southwest Virginia, snow began to fall early Sunday morning and it snowed the entire day with strong bands of snow here and there. It snowed so much that in just one day, we accumulated 14 inches of snow. The most snow that has ever fallen in one single day for our area during the month of December.

Living in Virginia you are bound to experience all seasons and all types of weather. Our Summers are really hot and humid and our winters can be brutally cold at times. Growing up, I remember missing weeks of school at a time due to snow blizzards that hammered our town.

Due to global warming snow storms have been “hit and miss” over the past few years. If you enjoy the snow and just having a reason to be stuck in the house, this “hit and miss” action has become frustrating. I’ve seen snow up to my waist and then I’ve also seen meteorologist forecast snow storms and there’s only a dusting on the road.

Oh but this year, the snow came early and it came hard; thankfully we had already made our grocery store run so we didn’t have to worry about going out in the snow. It’s always better to watch the snow from the window than to have to actually be out in it. Every few hours my daughter would go outside with her ruler to do her measurements and indeed the snow was rising by the hour.

Of course, the only bad part about the snow is when you are forced to go out in it. If you’re unfamiliar with Virginia or Southwest Virginia for that matter, we are surrounded by mountains (check out MY HIKE this past Summer to get a view of the mountains where I live). The Valley consist of hills and turns that no one should have to travel during inclement weather. However, places of employment still expect you to be at work even when there’s 14 inches of snow on the ground. Talk about frustration.

Anyway, how is the weather in your neck of the woods? Be sure to share in the comments below. And if you’re approaching Winter (yup, we had a fall snow storm) like we are…be sure to keep warm and check on the elderly.