10 'Star Wars' EA Games That Would Merit Our Forgiveness

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This week, the games publisher Electronic Arts, or EA, announced
a deal with Disney to exclusively produce "Star Wars" video games
for the next few years. Cue the Imperial March theme.

We've given
Electronic Arts a hard time in the past, but in our defense,
with debacles like the overloaded "SimCity 3" servers, their
habit of slipping microtransactions into full-price games, and
the yearly inanity that is "Madden Football," they just make it
so easy.

So is EA a wretched hive of scum and villainy, or is the
beleaguered game publisher just looking for love in Alderaan
places?

This "Star Wars" deal gives us a new hope. We believe there is
still good in EA. We can sense it. That's why we've compiled this
list of game ideas that mix tried-and-true EA properties with
"Star Wars" style.

Just remember, EA: Once you start down the dark path, forever
will it dominate your destiny.

'Dead Space: The Kessel Run'
Isaac Clarke must navigate through the perilous black holes that
comprise the Maw, while battling a crippling addiction to the
hallucinogenic spice drugs from the mines of Kessel.

'The Sims 4: A New Home'
Because home is where the planet-destroying superweapon is. The
game requires a persistent Internet connection to simulate the
way the Force connects and binds all living things together, and
then makes their servers crash. Day One downloadable content:
Jabba's Sex Dungeon

'Medal of Honor: Stormtrooper'
This groundbreaking prequel to the "Medal of Honor" series
definitively links our universe with the galaxy far, far away. It
also explains why the bad guys have such bad aim.

'Madden Galactic Football 2013'
They
release this every year, with only minor updates. This year, Luke
has a goatee! Shut up, you know you'll still buy it.

'Black & White 3: The Unifying Force'
You are one with the Force in this reboot of an elegant game from
a more civilized age. Will you be a guardian for peace and
justice in the galaxy? Or will you succumb to the might of the
Dark Side?

'Blood Bounty: Bounty of Blood'
An EA original like "Shadows of the Damned" and "Dante's
Inferno." So you know it's going to be terrible. Day One
downloadable content: Gungan Gang Wars. Jar-Jar Binks returns.

'Need for Speed: Podracing'
Story mode: You play as Ani, a precocious 9-year-old slave who
must manage his cruel boss, his ailing mother, and the harsh
streets of Mos Eisley while pursuing his dream to build and race
pods. Multiplayer mode: GO RLY FAST IN STAR WARS STUFF WHAT MORE
DO U WANT

'Mos Eisley Cantina Rock Band'
The game comes with a Kloo Horn controller, but you'll have to
pay extra for the Fanfar and the Doremian Beshniquel.

'Army of Two: The Fur and the Fury'
Play co-op with Han and Chewie as you battle your way through
Imperial slavers, ruthless bounty hunters, and fellow smugglers.
Competition between players is encouraged, but when push comes to
shove, remember — let the Wookie win.

'PopCap Build-A-Saber'
In this variant on the perennially popular "Bejeweled," you'll
make your first lightsaber by carefully aligning the focusing
crystals. Be careful — if you make a mistake, you might lose a
hand!

'Krayt Dragon Age'
You play as a young inductee into an ancient, dark order who must
protect the planet from an ancient threat while negotiating the
perilous world of politics, social inequality … and love. And
there are dragons.

'Ewoks vs. Zombies'
You've got the
rock-throwing Ewok, the wooden spear Ewok, the crying baby Ewok …
we can picture the end cut scene now. Try to tell us you wouldn't
buy all the expansion packs for this. Go on, try.