The A to Z Guide to Life – Letter "G"
Monday January 18, 2016

"G" was a challenge. I know some really important insights on how to set "Goals" that will be realistic, things that could make your dreams come true - but my heart didn't resonate with the timing of that message. Instead, my heart said, "Give!"

This is particularly tough because I'm going to have to eat "Humble Pie"! Why? Well, I've been sharing a couple of key messages online: 1) don't teach wolves to chase sledges (i.e. Don't give stuff away; trade instead – as taught by Gavin Kennedy), and 2) don't be unequally yoked (i.e. don't stay in relationships where there isn't a balance of give and take.)

I have to say that I no longer believe either of those options are in the best interest of your higher self.

Instead, I have to say that giving without expecting anything in return is in your best interest. Giving is good for you. And if you can let go of any 'attachment' to the justice and fairness of those to whom you give paying you back in kind, you will be a very much happier person.

The Good Book suggests that God is kind to the ungrateful and wicked, and that we are happiest when we show ourselves to be cut from the same cloth as God. I think this is true regardless of your spiritual beliefs. True liberty comes when you can give, caring not whether you get anything back or not. When you get to this point, it's all about your own freedom to love – unconditionally. It's a divine moment. You will be free yourself.

So, somewhat embarrassedly, I'm going to encourage you to give with shameless audacity – give desiring, expecting and demanding NOTHING in return. Just give. And as you do, I believe you will begin to live at a much more dynamic level. Of course, if you're peeking out of the corner of your eye, expecting something in return, the magic is broken. It really is about "Just Give!"

Comments

the room above the garage Mon, Jan 18th 2016 @ 6:10am

Hello Lex, what a timely blog, I've been pondering over this since Saturday. I tend to be a giver and have a someone who leaves me feeling...used. Still I give. Have for years. I suppose I do expect something in return...not to feel used. I'm wrestling with it...how do I find peace there?

Lex Mon, Jan 18th 2016 @ 7:44am

Good Morning Dear RATG... two weeks ago I couldn't have given you an answer. I was eaten up with bitterness over all those 'parasites' who take and take again... 'they' were 'spoiling' the huge pleasure I have in giving... but I was in the wrong. It isn't about them at all. It is all about you and me, dear RATG. It's just about our heart of generosity. Of course we can learn to share with those who benefit and perhaps avoid those who aren't being freed up to give themselves. "Symbiosis" is an amazing phenomenon in Nature - where different species 'give' to each other's advantage - that's my wish for all my relationships, but it really is about our ability to love without expectation. L'xx

LillyPet Mon, Jan 18th 2016 @ 8:21am

Morning ratg! I think maybe our reservations are similar? Lex's reply has helped a bit more for me. I can go with " It's about our ability to be loving without expectation" ie be a loving person. But I'm still a way off feeling able to love them or even be loving towards them. Maybe we could come up with something we could honestly give to them from the heart?
Warm wishes Ratg, Lex and all. :) LP xx

the room above the garage Mon, Jan 18th 2016 @ 4:18pm

I don't think I hold any bitterness (I did many years ago but I have none of that now), I'm just tired of the same story, and maybe a little sore. I will begin to think about how I can keep on going as I am without feeling used. Its been many years and really it would probably be healthier if I could step away but it will be some years before this is possible. Sorry to be uninspired today, its been a tiring kind of a week. I'll bounce back xxx.

Norman Mon, Jan 18th 2016 @ 6:25pm

Dear RATG, Is it raining? If so then why not go for another stomp? Trampling on those feelings of being used?

the room above the garage Mon, Jan 18th 2016 @ 8:04pm

Thank you Norman xx. That is JUST what I need. Have wall to wall busy this week, unexpected things have thrown me, not a moment to breathe (I think that is the problem!) but yes, you are very right...this is just what I need to do. You've given...and I am thankful for your care.

LillyPet Mon, Jan 18th 2016 @ 10:00pm

I completely get it ratg. Relationships of any kind are supposed to be two way. Your inner self is telling you that the heavy imbalance isn't good for you. Maybe we feel comfortable giving to those who are in need or are deserving. That involves making a judgement about who is receiving. I think that we are struggling for simiar reasons, that strong emotions are involved. To be able to give without attachment, we'd have to not be emotionally involved. I don't want to make you feel sad hun. I didnt fully think it through before I posted to you. I know what ever has kicked off in the last week has knocked you for 6, so get earlyish nights if at all possible so you can be on form. Very best of wishes your way. Xxx

the room above the garage Tue, Jan 19th 2016 @ 10:56am

You didn't make me feel sad at all LP, in fact your words help a lot! Especially the line about helping those who deserve...it's turned on a little light. I don't see my someone as needing but taking...that may be just the angle i need to see with different eyes. Thank you so much xxx.

the room above the garage Tue, Jan 19th 2016 @ 10:58am

To clarify...I mean I will continue to give and change my mind from 'you dont need but you take' into 'you need' if that makes sense.

LillyPet Tue, Jan 19th 2016 @ 6:18pm

Oh I'm glad it helped a bit. Yes I think that makes sense. Perhaps those who take are in need in a less obvious way and to know that may help us not feel so used. Xx

Suzy Mon, Jan 18th 2016 @ 6:15am

Ah, this is lovely Lexi.

I was only thinking last night how when I'm well, giving in whatever way is a joy and pleasure and I don't overthink it, it just happens. I want to. In a depression, how different things are. I may still give but everything can be all "waaaaaah" and "grrrrrrrrr" and "arrrrrrrrgggggghhh". The nature of the beast I suppose.

I suppose what I'm trying to say is that it's a relief to remember that the real person within us is all peace and love to the universe. When depressed, we may feel at such odds with the world and we can feel only half human. Nice to remember on the dark days.

Not sure I've made sense. Can you tell I've not slept?! :o/

Lex Mon, Jan 18th 2016 @ 7:46am

Hi Suzy, rather like being called 'Lexi' - thank you. You are making perfect sense to me.
What we sow is in a different form to what comes up out of the ground of our relationships. If we can realise that we are part of a much, much bigger system that does pay back but not through the people we choose to love. L'xx

Mary Mon, Jan 18th 2016 @ 12:57pm

I think Suzy that, when we're well, we celebrate having the energy and resources to give and we delight in giving. When we're ill we grieve over not having those resources. When we give we actually feed our souls. The arghhhhh is when we have to hibernate as we are in starvation mode.

Suzy Mon, Jan 18th 2016 @ 6:20pm

Ahhh and this is clearly why I haven't written in a long while. You sum up so eloquently and succinctly what I'm thinking, Mary. What you say is so, so true. And after some very good months, alas, I've reached starvation mode. I'm hoping some hibernation behind a pirahanna filled moat and drawbridge will heal before a nasty easterly wind settles. Thank you oodles M&L. xxxx

Norman Mon, Jan 18th 2016 @ 6:30pm

Suzy: "If winter comes, can spring be far behind?"

Sue Mon, Jan 18th 2016 @ 8:59pm

I love that Norman, that will help me on a dark day.

Hopeful One Mon, Jan 18th 2016 @ 7:40am

Hi Lex- I am glad you chose 'give' over 'goals'. There is a meditation which explores this idea in connection with happiness. It relies on the fact that we cannot hold on to happiness just as we cannot release our unhappiness. So in this meditation one shares one's happy thoughts and feelings with those we love, our friends and dare I say those who set out to harm us. One does the opposite with unhappiness gathering it in from the same as if one is going to hold it for them. A curious counter intuitive thing happens. Our happy thoughts seem to last a lot longer and our unhappy thoughts disappear a lot faster.

In the spirit of this meditation I will share my morning chuckle with all Moodscopers.

As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop, he sees a £10 note in his mouth attached to a note reading: "10 lamb chops, please." Amazed he puts a bag of chops in the dog's mouth ,closes the shop and decides to follow the dog . He watches the dog wait for a green light, look both ways, and trot across the road to a bus-stop. The dog checks the timetable and sits on the bench. When a bus arrives, he walks around to the front and looks at the number, then boards the bus. The butcher follows quite amazed . After a while he stands on his back paws to push the "stop" bell and gets off with the butcher in tow The dog runs up to a house and drops his bag on the step. He barks repeatedly. No answer. So he jumps on a wall, walks around the garden, barks repeatedly at a window, jumps off, and waits at the front door.Eventually, a small guy opens it and starts cursing and shouting at the dog.The butcher says to the guy "Don't shout at the dog.He is a genius!"The owner responds, "Genius, my foot. It's the second time this week he's forgotten his key!

LillyPet Mon, Jan 18th 2016 @ 8:01am

Lol! Love it! Thanks HO :)) LP x

Lex Mon, Jan 18th 2016 @ 8:05am

Fabulous to EVERYTHING! But a specific thank you for giving me a cracking joke to share with my listeners today! More please! L'xx

Mary Mon, Jan 18th 2016 @ 12:59pm

Sooo good! HO - I keep seeing great jokes on Facebook I long to share with you. Are you on FB - or would you give Caroline permission to share your email address with me so I can pass them on?

Hopeful One Mon, Jan 18th 2016 @ 4:17pm

Hi Mary- you have my permission to ask Caroline to share my email address which I feel is a better way to send me any jokes than FB as the FB algorithm can be a bit hit or miss in my experience. All jokes gratefully received.

LillyPet Mon, Jan 18th 2016 @ 7:57am

Morning Lex,
Your message about giving in itself has given me a new step forward :)
I am a giving person, but what I have struggled with is the idea of giving to those who are a negative influence in my life. I. Know that no one is all bad and that to truly find peace I should look for the good in them and release any negative feelings towards them as fellow human beings.
I am more comfortable with your challenge to give to them in some way than I am to opening my heart to them. Maybe giving would be a start.
I would be able to give to those people and not expect or want anything in return, but if my motivation is to find inner peace for myself, then I guess it doesn't count.
At the moment I cut them out of my life or at least have as little to do with them as possible. My gut feeling is that this is not healthy or good for me, that I'm just burying negativity that will eventually come back out in one way or another.
I like the idea that I can rise to your challenge and when an opportunity to give to them in some way becomes apparent it would be a good start. I would have to lose any attachment to the outcome of inner peace, but maybe because regardless of how they are, I am being who I am, a giving person.

Lex Mon, Jan 18th 2016 @ 8:41am

Hello LillyPet, thanks for stopping by to make my day. I really don't think you need to let go of your quest for inner peace. Surely, being true to yourself is the most eloquent and elegant path to inner peace? What I'm suggesting is that we let go of any need for the recipient of our giving to return the favour. That's where the bitterness had kicked in for me in the past. In fact, I'm now looking for opportunities to give in secret or to those who cannot give back so I can (selfishly!) get into the giving habit! I want to break the cycle of being a grudging giver.
L'xx
[I do, however, still believe we should reduce the access certain energy vampires have to our lives. We are needing to look after our health, after all. Looks like multiple projects!!!]

LillyPet Mon, Jan 18th 2016 @ 10:11pm

That all sounds good and very doable Lex! They're all closely connected. I like the idea of practicing giving in more managable ways. I'm relieved that win-win giving and looking out for oneself is cool! Thanks :)

Dawn Mon, Jan 18th 2016 @ 8:03am

Lex Mon, Jan 18th 2016 @ 8:05am

Big Hug, super one... must share with you what's happened. L'xx

Anonymous Mon, Jan 18th 2016 @ 10:23am

Wow!!!!
Lex -
Our Lord is good and faithful to answer our prayers. You directly addressed a question that I had pondered. I currently have almost nothing material or monetarily and I was pondering if I should tithe 10% of money given unexpectedly in a Christmas card.

Once again, I have been humbled and will continually be humbled by our Lord God!
You have provided the answer to a question that I had turned over to God and never gave it a second thought!
Thanks & God bless.

Lex Mon, Jan 18th 2016 @ 11:04am

Dearest Anonymous, you will know how you have made my heart sing. Breakthrough for me was Luke 6 read by David Suchet. Wow! Pow! The How! And Now! Be being blessed. L'xx

The Gardener Mon, Jan 18th 2016 @ 10:27am

First two posts absolutely with my thinking today, being 'used'. Lex you could have saved yourself some work by just quoting St Ignatius prayer - I'm sure most people know it, if not 'Lord, teach me to be generous, teach me to serve you as you desire, To give and not to count the cost, to fight and not to heed the wounds, to toil and not to seek for rest, to labour and not to ask for reward, save that of knowing that I do your will'. If one could only live by that. Oh, by the way, posts in answer to mine yesterday so full of kindness and comfort. I am not currently depressed, frequently very unhappy. But I feel deeply for the toll on relationships on those who 'care and share' whether it is alzheimer, severely depressed partner/spouse/child, or someone severely handicapped by physical deformities/stroke etc. So much caring is a one-way street. What I am NOT coping with is being used. My mother only died 15 hears ago (nearly 100). She 'used' anybody she could from age 70 - and soaked it all up like a sponge - doing nothing to help herself or others, and grousing all the time about 'them'. The 'them' could be her warden, the government or the local council and in the last few years the excellent staff in her old people's home. Now Mr G is using me utterly - he says openly he 'depends' on me for everything - and boy, does he put it into practice. Like my ma, has never done anything for charity, nor for anybody else but family. The docs say he MUST do things for himself, and keep moving - but I have to have an almighty row, then made to feel cruel. Latest habit is to find something wrong just as I've fallen into bed - all imaginary but no peace till cream rubbed on, pacified, whatever, all very childlike. Sorry about all this - how do others feel about trying to keep their christianity/humanity when faced with this almost leech-like dependence? I also feel 'conspired' against, with two lots in 15 years, which is idiotic. Lots of talk about mindfulness, meditation, yoga. I am struggling so to find an 'inner peace', and hoping that the 'dependers' will accept their lot - crying for the moon. One of my daughters-in-law, closely involved with my mother, says 'there's no pleasing the unpleasable. I might be more content if I could accept that tenet.

Lex Mon, Jan 18th 2016 @ 11:29am

Dearest Gardener, I feel you have a lot of people following your difficult journey. None of us have a desire to walk such a path but all can sympathise and some can empathise.
It is my heart-felt belief that it helps to be heard - even if we can't yet see a way to help.
Your challenges seem 'outside' - so I'm hoping there is something you can do 'inside' to cope with those outside.
You certainly need protection from emotional leeches wherever possible.
Thank you for St Ignatius' prayer. I have no orthodox or traditional church background - more the wild side of evangelicalism - so really appreciate getting in flow with great historic practitioners of the faith.
If we don't listen to their wisdom, we'll have to learn it the harder way.
L'xx

I love fresh ground coffee Mon, Jan 18th 2016 @ 11:53am

Dear Gardener,
You have had some very tough times and I'm not surprised it has taken its toll.
Does it help to remember you have choices? You have the choice to leave your husband (not advocating this choice, just it might help to remember you can). You have the choice to seek out respite care or to have someone come in to care for him. You have the choice to ask a family member if they could sit with him for an hour or two when you get to have time to yourself. You have the choice to say No. If you know that helping is not in his interests in a particular circumstance or if you have just gone to be, say No. He can rant but he can't make you do things.
Lastly, you have a choice as to your reaction to his bullying. You say he makes you feel cruel. If you are not cruel then anything he says is untrue. There is an Elizabeth Roosevelt quotation - “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” That is inside work and not easy.
Set some boundaries. State calmly, perhaps when he has just eaten, that you will no longer respond to requests when you have gone to bed unless they are life-threatening. That if he forgets to tell you he needs cream that it will have to wait until the morning. It is likely that he will scream and shout, just keep firmly and politely stating your boundary. He will continue to ask for things at night for a while probably, you can just restate your boundary, or ignore him. Once he has accepted this one, work out what other boundaries you want to enforce. He does not have to change his behaviour here, it is about you keeping to your boundary.
And - are you having any fun? I hope you occasionally get time away from your dependant and get to enjoy yourself without talking about him or thinking about him!
Wishing you well.

Susannah Mon, Jan 18th 2016 @ 12:25pm

ILFGC I'm loving your analysis and practical advice to help deal with a tremendously intimate problem that G has bravely shared.
Gardener: is there any way you could persuade your husband to treat himself to a break and change of scenery? Negotiate like you're giving him the holiday, though in reality it's you who is getting the break.

Mary Mon, Jan 18th 2016 @ 2:40pm

Hello TG - you are someone who is giving us all here so much. Please don't ever think that your writings here are unvalued or that you ever sound like you are complaining. Through reading of your struggles we are I hope (certainly I am) learning valuable lessons. And yes, your daughter-in-law is quite correct, Some people find more pleasure in complaining about things than enjoying them, until they reach that sad place where there is no possibility of enjoyment, only of complaint. Your mother may have reached that place. I hope your husband has not. But - the only thing you can do with such a person is give what seems right to you, knowing that ingratitude and fault-finding will be your only reward. You can almost make a game of it with "what will they find to be wrong this time?" But, if you are seeking any kind of validity from a person exhibiting these traits you will be constantly disappointed and ground down. This is one of the ways abusers manipulate their victims. So you must be clear eyed about it and find your strength elsewhere. At least you know that we are all on your side! And sorry - that sounds like preaching. It's not meant to be - it's meant to be encouragement.

Norman Mon, Jan 18th 2016 @ 11:25am

I googled "don't teach wolves to chase sledges" thinking it was Inuit folk-wisdom and the top reply was this blog! Please explain Lex! (I think I get it but not sure.)

Lex Mon, Jan 18th 2016 @ 11:30am

I'll find the blog I wrote, Norman and sent a link...
L'xx

Lex Mon, Jan 18th 2016 @ 11:34am

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/free-lunches-lex-mckee

Lex Mon, Jan 18th 2016 @ 11:35am

So, this is what I am 'recanting' Norman, at least in part! L'xx

Mary Mon, Jan 18th 2016 @ 1:07pm

I find this an interesting point in my own business life. I am always giving away "free advice" and feel good about it because - while people initially think they are getting something for nothing, they reasonably quickly come to realise that I am only giving away generic knowledge and if they want the special knowledge that it theirs alone then they do have to pay me for it. Until they want to pay then I don't want them as clients. They have to value what I can give them.

I love fresh ground coffee Mon, Jan 18th 2016 @ 11:40am

My personal take on this is to have boundaries around those I have friendships with. I don't choose to be friends with those where there is an ongoing imbalance between give and take. Everyone has days where they are more than usually down, everyone has crises. But if they consistently take and don't give back then I choose not to be in relationship with them.

I agree that you can't keep looking for someone to give back. Sometimes it's fun to give to strangers, random acts of kindness, that doesn't ever need to be returned. I have been the recipient of much similar giving.

Sometimes I believe we are called or led to have a relationship where it is not equal. I'm quite careful with these and usually they are time-limited. That doesn't mean no boundaries - I will still say 'No' sometimes.

Lex Mon, Jan 18th 2016 @ 12:08pm

Norman Mon, Jan 18th 2016 @ 11:51am

Interesting blog Lex. I have always found giving to be easy: it is receiving which is the problem. I am wary of receiving gifts or favours at work in case there is meant to be a quid-pro-quo which will influence a future decision and limit my ability to do the right thing. Giving in business also establishes a "one-up" position which I try to avoid. I am also wary of relationships because, being totally unworthy of love, there must be an ulterior motive for all this love, affection and sex I'm getting, right?

I have discussed this before with my pet-loving friend and we both concluded that it was much harder to be loved than to love. In fact two people in love but unable to let down the barriers and be loved by each other would probably explain our relationship perfectly!

Unrequited love makes perfect sense to me: giving but not receiving. If I give I can decide not to expect. If I receive, the expectation of the other person is outside my control.

Speaking of giving in relationships, yesterday I signed up to a dating website. Now, to reference another Lex blog, that is the meaning of Faith...

Lex Mon, Jan 18th 2016 @ 12:03pm

Lex Mon, Jan 18th 2016 @ 12:06pm

...and that's not to minimise some very serious messages coming loud and clear through what you wrote. Need time to think... L'xx

Mary Mon, Jan 18th 2016 @ 1:16pm

Norman - you put so many relationship breakdowns into sharp focus when you say " I am also wary of relationships because, being totally unworthy of love, there must be an ulterior motive for all this love, affection and sex I'm getting, right?" Gosh - so much food for thought there. One of the things I love about the Christian faith (please - not proselytising here, just saying)is that it teaches that though we are unworthy we are loved by God, so that kinda gets us into practise...

Norman Mon, Jan 18th 2016 @ 1:18pm

As long as there is no space between the e and the r. That would not be funny.

Norman Mon, Jan 18th 2016 @ 1:35pm

Mary: you must have gone to a different church to me. When I was very young all the adults were constantly telling me I was a miserable little sinner who would never be worthy of heaven. It is so deep that even though I can see it and reject it I can never dig it out.

Mary Mon, Jan 18th 2016 @ 2:33pm

Hmmm Norman, it sounds as though the adults in your childhood totally failed to emphasise that the whole point of salvation is that God loved and loves us when we're not worthy and the blood of Jesus cleans us so that we become worthy.... (and - please everyone reading this accept this as a technical reply only. I have no wish to offend anyone of a different faith or none)

Norman Mon, Jan 18th 2016 @ 2:50pm

Mary, I'm not offended. Just bewildered that people believe this stuff. I think we'd better call a halt here.

Anonymous Mon, Jan 18th 2016 @ 3:44pm

Well said Norman. Calling a halt to such discussions is the only way. This is a site for secular discussion on mental health issues. And must remain so.

susan Mon, Jan 18th 2016 @ 11:59am

Hi Lex,i think there are 'multiple projects' here, as you said to LP. it is a wonderful thing to give without needing or expecting anything in return..i believe it is actually an important and necessary spiritual goal. But if you find yourself in a relationship that is causing resentment, anger, hurt, a sense of futility, a wasting of time and energy, etc. then surely it is best to back away--permanently or just briefly to gain perspective? But there is one thing that you can continue to give to those people, and that is to pray for them. Not with specific directives, but just that God's light will surround them. Hold them in your thoughts and send them good wishes. Of course, every situation is unique; these are just some general thoughts. Ummmm.....wow, a big one to start the week! xx

Lex Mon, Jan 18th 2016 @ 12:06pm

Can't pretend I've sussed it, Susan.
But I know for certain I need to give without expecting anything in return.
I know I have to protect myself from energy vampires too.
So, with 7 Billion souls-in-bodies on the Planet, I'll 'learn' from the ones that don't work and 'give' to someone else...
Does that work? Kind of best of both worlds??
L'xx

susan Mon, Jan 18th 2016 @ 12:31pm

That's perfect!! xx

Anonymous Mon, Jan 18th 2016 @ 12:24pm

Hi Lex. I find all the comments very interesting. Lilly's strikes a chord with my past experience with a particular person to whom I gave gave gave in copious amounts and by every method known to man and got zilch back. For 9 long years. If one finds oneself in this situation, one should exit early and not stay on hoping things, the person will change. So long as that person is benefitting from the giving, why should that person change?? I have learnt from experience.
I also agree with Norman. I find it very hard to receive. Much more comfortable giving. I almost feel more comfortable with people being awkward with me. But that's a whole new blog and story... Thanks Lex. Graciousness, generosity, gravity , genteelness, giving, grateful.. Jul x

Mary Mon, Jan 18th 2016 @ 1:21pm

Two comments. 1) absolutely bang on, this post. LOVE IT! and 2) we also have a responsibility to ensure that we meet our own needs. So if we are giving, we must also find sources from which we can receive. If we give to those sources too, then that is fine - but it should never be a trade. It's always giving on both sides, generously and without counting the cost.

Dolphin Mon, Jan 18th 2016 @ 1:32pm

Lex - thanks so much for starting this conversation. It seems to resonate with so many of us in different ways. I've found that giving reinforces an optimistic view of life and people. However, there are always the 'users' we come across and then boundaries are necessary - I tend to let the abuse go too far (I am talking about 2 extreme cases that left me very battered and un-trusting). Thanks freshly ground for your contribution - choice. Even in the most extreme cases, we have choices. This has given me much to ponder on. It changes the perspective ... Strength to you dear Gardener in your extreme and exhausting situation xxx

Terence Mon, Jan 18th 2016 @ 1:35pm

I find it natural to be happier to give than to receive as one grows.
For me, this is all coming back round to the language of love from Mary’s recent blog. Loving smart is a bit like giving smart. Giving, at best, is an act of love and love, at best, is unconditional BUT how does the recipient see your gift? Will it be what they want or need? Do they even see it as a gift? Sometimes I just don’t know what to give! There are, however, other worthy causes x

Mary Mon, Jan 18th 2016 @ 2:41pm

Good point Terence. And - an honourable mention of my blog! I feel all validated now. Thank you!

Hitchhiker Mon, Jan 18th 2016 @ 2:48pm

I will start my giving with giving thanks to you Lex! Super! And so many beautiful, thoughtful comments. So much grappling with giving going on! It is inspiring. I find when my heart is grateful and grounded, giving as you describe is possible. It is an inside job for sure, so thanks for the inspiration to pursue true giving. And thanks also to Hopeful One for a great chuckle :) smiles and companions on the journey make the giving even more possible, so thanks all!!!

Lex Mon, Jan 18th 2016 @ 9:51pm

Hi Hitchhiker, really appreciate the encouragement. Thanks! L'xx

The Gardener Mon, Jan 18th 2016 @ 6:14pm

Oh my fur and whiskers, how on earth could I reply to all the wise and kind words above. The coffee freak - I have a (free) service of nurses who come and get Mr G up every morning. Marvellous, with me he is so obstructive the morning starts badly. But these amazing girls move in - I can open shutters, check e-mails put the coffee on and fetch the bread. Open the front door, Mr G is sitting at table, and the smell of fresh coffee wafts through the house. One of the team of 5, Anne-Sophie - a real beauty who can hardly be 40 is a widow - husband died of cancer - she deals with my husband and others in a like state with a firm but cheerful attitude. I cannot leave my husband - even the dream of 2 days in a spa (he would spend the time in respite) is off due to financial problems. Rich (too rich) in property - first house won't sell, all available money going on to the house 'custom-designed' to deal with Mr G, and it's working. Huge strain, but great fun, getting it all going. With these determined miseries I've likened myself before as a large friendly dog who approached people with the best intentions and gets kicked. I've always thought that my talents for home-making and entertaining should not be wasted. Re religion, Lex, I'm not very religious - too many aspects - a loving God, a forgiving God, a jealous God. But things like the prayer I quoted ARE good to live by (if you are allowed to!) and I found the Alcoholics Anonymous creed/manifesto (copy produced by one time alcoholic son) is incredibly sensible. Also to the coffee lover, new boy/girl obviously, we live in France, family all over the place, no hope of doing a 'stint' of an hour. Right, going to have a nice meal and be 'tough' at bedtime - watch this space! thanks to all you real 'carers'.

Anonymous Mon, Jan 18th 2016 @ 11:10pm

it's one i'm still working on. over christmas i spent a lot on presents and received less back than i'd given out. i was annoyed, more annoyed with christmas and why it was making me feel like this. i let go but not as quick as i would like. we get programmed to expect an even return. does it come from work maybe? i know if i bust myself working for the big corporation that i work for i'd get little thanks for it. i think its easier to give to strangers where there is no attachment but i want to be able to give to everyone without a need for something back. and i would like to be given by someone and feel they didn't want anything in return. so many people will take advantage of your good nature in this world so its sort of self preservation. i'll keep trying though

susan Tue, Jan 19th 2016 @ 3:26pm

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