HBO’s programming president won’t police breasts on Game Of Thrones

Sitting atop a throne made from the melted DVD boxed sets of his enemies, HBO programming president Michael Lombardo held court with the press this week at the Edinburgh International Television Festival. There, he answered the slanderous charges made against him by reporters worried about all the blood and boobs on Game Of Thrones.

“It is an adult service. Our subscribers pay a fee for uncensored shows,” Lombardo said in between bites of sweet, ripe fruit fed to him by an equally sweet, ripe maiden. “As long as I feel that…it isn’t a show trying to attract viewers with sex and violence, I am not going to play police,” he added, motioning for a servant to refill his glass with the finest Arbor Gold.

Lombardo went on to express his absolute trust in Game Of Thrones showrunners David Benioff and Dan Weiss, describing them as “sober, thoughtful men” who are responsibly adapting a series of books that happens to have a lot of blood and boobs in it. Asked about last season’s controversial rape scene, for example, Lombardo said he “appreciate[d] there was some controversy” and that, as an executive, it was his responsibility “not to have sex and violence that’s gratuitous.”

“At the same time,” he added, “we don’t want to be a censor that inhibits the authentic organic creative process by policing how many breasts should be on a show,” presumably because that’s the CEO of Tits’ job.