"I'll admit I may have seen better days,
but I'm still not to be had for the price of a cocktail,
like a salted
peanut"(Margo Channing)

Tuesday, 15 March 2016

Unsung Hero

The street lights in our lane are not working...I kind of like the pitch black nature of it all.
Tonight I got home around 10.15 pm and as I shuffled my way down our path a very shadowy figure walked almost silently past the cottage.
It was Islwyn , the village elder and even in the darkness, I could make he was exhausted.
We chatted for a while.
In his mid sixties, Islwyn is presently looking after a very aged, sick and frail mother, and is doing so with all of the dedication of Mother Theresa .
Mother Theresa with a Welsh accent and beanie hat!
He's on call 24/7 and works without much sleep and for very little praise.
This has been going on for months
I asked him if he was ok and if he was coping, and typically he didn't complain about his lot.
" I was a thug when I was young," he said without any edge to his voice " She[ his mother] had alot to deal with years ago....." He left the rest of his sentence unfinished before bidding me goodnight

This reminds me of my brother-in-law who takes care of his 94 year old mother. He lives alone with her in his house. Lately she never wants to go out for dinner so he brings home take out meals or defrosts frozen dinners.He feels guilty to go out with friends. She asks him if he's going to leave her all alone.My wife helps out by visiting to wash her in the shower and fix her hair.He has a rough personality but helps people when they need it. When I was in the hospital for an entire month last year he watched over our house and my wife gave him our checkbook to pay bills.He has us as his family but I wish he would find a close friend to be with.

I must admit I choked up when I read this . I do hope Islwyn can get some support and he will accept it. I looked after my Mum before she died and she never said she loved me much over the last two years but before she died she would say "you do know I love you don't you " and that meant a lot to me and still does. I too hope that I come across people like you John in my later years someone who is very caring but with a wicked sense of humour to brighten up our days.

It's rather touching that he feels he owes her something after his bolshy childhood behaviour! I wasn't exactly a thug when I was young but I was certainly pretty truculent and argumentative. Fortunately my mother is still fairly fit and in no need of looking after....

How that speaks to me John. I am getting old and had to come to the realization yesterday that I am no longer number one in my children's lives; that I will have to lower my expectations. My heart hurts, but I guess it is what happens to parents eventually.

You gave me something to think about . When my husband died, right after we moved back here to the US and I knew no one .. my son would take the 3 hour drive up here every weekend with the wife and infant and stay the night then drive back home to NYC . He would help me with the bill paying/check writing / online stuff and make calls for me when it was just too much to tell one more person that my husband was dead and they should address their mail to me now.It was a hideous time but how much more awful it would have been without that son of ours.. my husband would have been so proud.I am glad this lady is alive to appreciate what a lovely son she raised.

I hope that Islwyn reads your blog and he can find comfort knowing that we, your readers respect and admire him, we all need a helping hand at times from our family or good friends.Oh Notes from abroad I love your response, what a lovely son you have and you have every reason to be proud for raising him.

When so many people think that the state has to do everything fro their loved ones, this is a timely reminder that we also have a responsibility to care for those who once cared for us. Good on Islwyn.