In one of the darker periods of my youth my friends and I would speculate about what things would be the most fun to try while high. Watching Willow while on LSD was probably the best idea we came up with. But we never actually got high and did anything. We just talked about it. Did I say “darker”? I think I meant “pathetic”.

I like to think this group got tired of just talking, but were afraid of what dyeing their hair while high would do to their bathrooms, so they decided to use a stranger’s instead.

That’s kinda Ashton Kutcher-grade stoner, tho. I’d like to think they were high-grade stoners, off on some sort of Baba Swamiji buzz. Mid-dye-job remark: “We are not humans having a spiritual experience. We are not spirits having a human experience. We are only spirits having a spiritual experience!”

What appears to be marijuana smoke and red hair dye are actually the remnants of an elaborate demon-banishing ritual required when an interdimensional portal unexpectedly manifested itself in the residence in question. Or not.

Seeing as this is something I might have done at an earlier point in life, I see three reasons, stemming from being without a place of one’s own: A place to smoke out without drawing attention, running water, and no restaurant/gas station employees banging on the door.

Being the father of a hair-dying teenager, my theory is they broke into someone else’s place and dyed their hair so their dad wouldn’t yell at them about the dye spots all over the bathroom walls and floor and toilet and countertop and towels and rugs and shower doors and so forth.

They planned to rob the place, but they got high in the bathroom first and they totally forgot their primary mission. Spying a bottle of hair dye, they got to work. When they were done dyeing their hair they felt kind of hungry and went out to In 'n Out for a burger.