Trump humorless as Obama and Meyers crack jokes

Since he began his (fake?) campaign for president in 2011, Donald Trump quickly turned into a quote machine, taking on anyone and everyone in his path. Here's The Donald in his own words.

(Reuters, Getty and Tribune photos)

Luke Broadwater

Tonight was the moment political geeks from around the country wait for all year: The White House Correspondents Dinner, where political humor rules the evening.

There were two speakers at the event in Washington: President Barack Obama and Saturday Night Live comedian Seth Meyers. Each spent a significant amount of time making fun of Republican presidential hopeful Donald Trump, who did not seem pleased to be the butt of jokes.

Trump sat in his chair humorless throughout much of the night, looking sternly ahead as Obama and Meyers cracked on him.

Here's a quick summation of the best jokes of the night, followed by video of Obama's talk.

Obama's best material:

• On his birth certificate:

The president entered with Hulk Hogan's theme music playing the line "I am a real American" as the television screens showed his birth certificate. "Tonight, I’m prepared to go a step further. I’m releasing my official birth video," Obama joked. (Trump did not laugh.) "Now I warn you. No one has seen this footage in 50 years, not even me."

Obama then played video from "The Lion King" of a baby animal being born in Africa. "I want to make clear to the Fox News table, that was a joke. That was not my real birth video. That was a children’s cartoon. Call Disney if you don’t believe me. They have the orginial long-form version."

• On actors turning on him:

"Matt Damon said he was disappointed in my performance. Well Matt, I just saw 'The Adjustment Bureau,' so right back at ya, buddy."

• On his wife's health obsession, even during the White House Easter egg hunt:

"We make a great team. I give out bags of candy to the kids and she snatched them right back out of their little hands."

• On Michele Bachmann:

"I hear she was born in Canada. Yes, Michele, this is how it starts."

• On Donald Trump:

With the birth certificate issue settled, Trump can "finally get back to focusing on the issues that matter," Obama said. "Did we fake the moon landing? What really happened in Roswell and where are Biggie and Tupac?" (Trump sat stone-faced.)

The president then said he realized Trump had tremendous experience making tough decisions. On an episode of "Celebrity Apprentice," Trump had to choose between firing Lil Jon, Meatloaf or Gary Busey. "You fired Gary Busey," Obama said to Trump. "These are the kind of decisions that would keep me up at night."

Obama then showed an image of Trump turning the White House into a casino.

• On his own reliance on a teleprompter.

Obama's last joke was a fake promotional video for a movie called "The President's Speech," in which a gaffe-prone Vice President Joe Biden must teach Obama how to give a speech without relying on the device.

Meyers' best material:

• On MSNBC:

"Everyone knows how the MSNBC party works. The president makes the Kool-Aid and everyone there drinks it."

"MSNBC has a new slogan, 'Lean Forward," as if the problem has been that we couldn’t hear them."

• On the Huffington Post:

"The Huffington Post party is asking everyone to go to other parties and just steal food and drinks and bring it from there."

• On Juan Williams:

"Juan is black and afraid of Muslims, making him the least likely man to get a cab in New York City."

• On actors being in attendance:

"Jon Hamm looks the way every Republican thinks they look. Zach Galifianakis looks the way every Republican thinks Democrats look."

• On Donald Trump:

"Donald Trump says he has a great relationship with the blacks. Unless the blacks are a family of white people I bet he’s mistaken." (Obama laughed hard. Trump did not.)

• On Obama's loss of popularity:

"I'll tell you who could definitely beat you, Mr. President: 2008 Barack Obama. You would have loved him."

"Mr. President, look at your hair. If your hair gets any whiter, the tea party will endorse it."

• On Congress:

"I think you guys read bills in the way the rest of us agree to updated terms and conditions on iTunes."

• On the ever-increasing national debt:

"At least when my speech started [America] was still a nation with a AAA bond rating by Standard & Poor's."