First there was a Man. Then a Woman. Then in quick succession, two cats, a confused dog beast, and two kids. I stay at home with them. I'm the Man

Friday, February 17, 2012

Vegetarianism makes a Cameo

The Peanut is a vegetarian now. There was an episode of Man/Woman Wild ( it's a husband wife wilderness survival team which at it's most difficult, is a pretty apt metaphor for marriage) on and she saw the man catch a chicken, grab it by the head, and break its neck to kill it and that was it, instant vegetarian. Which is fine.

I was raised vegetarian. had a chicken nugget when I was 12 and that was it until I was about 28. Then I decided I couldn't go through my whole life without trying bacon.

My parents were less than concientious about my diet too, so vegetarian often equaled grilled cheese and tomato, chips, and Suzy Qs. Which is not a bad way to grow up I guess. Possessed of a body sculpted by Drake's Cakes and Hostess and a mind made facile by infusions of melted cheese. Which should be in the bio on Kevin James' wikipedia page.So the Peanut decides she is going to carry on my family tradition. Teary-eyed, stiff upper-lip trembling, she informed she would no longer eat any animals. I made fried haddock that night. It's her favorite. Dirty trick by me, I know. When I asked her if she was going to eat it she replied, face scrunched, bottom lip puffed in a pout, "only if its really, really delicious." And that's how we teach prioritizing.

She lasted about one more day or so as a vegetarian before she stopped talking about it. The Pumpkin man could be tougher. He cried when I told him what happens to the lobsters at the supermarket. You know, how from an early aged they receive poor education, bad nutrition, little supervision, and have almost no chance of achieving the American Dream they are constantly assured is within their reach. Wait, no, that's poor kids. Lobsters just get boiled alive. Which is also pretty crappy. Crappy enough to make the Pumpkin Man cry, at least. Sensitive boy. Which I love love love, as long as he doesn't start listening to the Cure. This is a Robert Smith free zone.

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On another subject, I know I've been a horrible' (the apostrophe makes it French. Or maybe Spanish. Or Esperanto?) blogger. My new Job at Foods That Are not Broken is kicking my ass. Trying to find that groove between working and barely keeping the house from spinning off into a vortex of chaos. Almost there. Job is ok. Providing hope in terms of paying down debt and getting a Pop up Camper. We'll be just like Travels With Charley except non-fictional. And with kids. And not probably dying. And not Steinbeck And our dog's name is Ruby. But otherwise, Just like it.

11 comments:

I really want to leave some sort of witty comment, but I'm braindead. It's past 2 AM, I spent the evening combing bugs out of my daughter's hair, and now I am sitting up drinking a tranquilizing beverage and trying to keep my head lice PTSD from kicking in. Gah.

It's so much easier when adult children choose vegetarianism- They fend for themselves. Of course it gets a little tricky when you can't use the same spatula to get their fries off the pan that you used for your hamburger. And that's a small issue compared to why are they living with you anyway? But I digress.

My son has been a vegetarian since day 1 (well maybe more like Day 180 when it was time to start food). Never once has meat crossed his lips - even when I was tricking him by making him close his eyes and trying to push it in. That stunt I am pretty sure solidified his future full of melted cheese and bread products... and the therapy bills I am sure it will take to undo that damage someday so I can marry him off and get him out of the house.

I think I'm a vegetarian, too, but only by virtue of the fact I've not been to the grocery store in a couple days so we're out of meat. Does meat-flavored pasta sauce qualify as vegetarian? I don't want to get too mucked up in the details. I just want to grub.

Matilda- A black and white cat short in length, shaped like a watermelon, and overflowing with love and disdain. And psychosis. And girth

Ivy Pickles-Ivy Pickles is an asshole. I once left half an avocado on the counter for 5 minutes and when I came back, it was gone. I found the hollowed out husk under the table. Ivy's whiskers were green. She purrs a lot, too.

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About Me

I am an ex-dishwasher-short order cook-baker-college student-deli man-grant writer-sketch and stand up comic(shrug)-mailman-scenester (blech) and partier. Among other things. I am currently a devoted and tired family man and occasional Zamboni driver.