Musings September 9, 2008

Why can I not find happiness in myself? Why do I feel as though I’m withering away? Why is it that I’m turning into someone I myself do not recognize anymore? Why is it that even though I have every reason to be happy, I still yearn for more and bring about unhappiness unto myself? Why do I have to want more? Why can I just accept things as they are? Why do I want change? Why do I want excitement? Why am I not taking care of myself anymore? Why am I not even interested in grooming up and going out shopping, interacting with people? Why have I become such a grouch? How did I become this grumpy and whining? Why do I feel as though my life is slipping away from my hands? Why do I feel as though I have no way out and that others are marking my way for me? Why cant I just be left alone and not be forced to do what I don’t want to? Why cant I just have what I want?!!!

I see others smiling and I think whats stopping me from smiling myself? I see others having fun and getting things done the way they want it to be done and I wonder whats stopping me from having the same work for me?

Why do I have to want to please others? Its my life and I ought to live it the way I want to. Why do I have to spend my time trying to keep everyone around me happy and ending up with nothing left for myself.. even these “other” people’ happiness!

o Dear God! Thank-you SO much!!!!! I am going to try to get that song asap and then I shall confirm whether it was correct or not 🙂
To get your page long meaning, in what sense are you asking? If you are talking about the widgets, well I think you can just keep on adding widgets from your Dashboard–> Design –> Widgets page.
If it is otherwise, then it depends on how many posts you have set to be shown on your homepage. ie; Dashboard–> Settings–> Reading.
Hope that helps you..

Hmm! Yes. Happiness is also that. But sometimes, some things that you have just is not enough. Isn’t it? I mean, you have all you want, but still you feel as though there is something missing in your life. That small tint of a shadow is what I’m talking about..

From what I’ve gathered it sounds like a big part of the problem is unemployment. If I were unemployed I would wonder what I was doing with my life as well. It gives you far too much time to meditate on all the questions that you raise, it gives you a feeling of meaninglessness and drift and makes you feel outside the mainstream. One solution is to get involved with the community and do some volunteer work. Another is to simply accept your situation.

I think the most important element in happiness is the messages that we send ourselves. I’m talking about that conversation we all have with ourselves in our mind all the time. You know? When I listen to that conversation I sometimes find myself saying things like, “I’m a failure”, “Life sucks”, “what’s the point?”. These are self-destructive thoughts, and they have to be countered. Perhaps you are failing right now to find work, but that doesn’t make your whole life a failure. Sometimes life really does suck, but it doesn’t suck all the time. It’s not so much a matter of positive thinking as realistic thinking. When you feed yourself negative messages you not only drag yourself down but you distort things for the worse.

I could go on about this at great length because some part of me was meant to be a shrink. You see – there’s another line of thought for me to torture myself with: “I’m in the wrong line of work…”

Another thing that helps me is to look at life as one big joke. It sort of is, when you step back and think about it.