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Saturday, January 31, 2015

The cat gets asked here and there, and so does every one else at every lair, about this or that when really all one wants to do is scat.

How are you?
Good, we're through.
Have a good day.
Like you care anyway.

See you later.
Nope, sorry I'm a hater.
What's up?
Nothing, pup.

Are you okay?
Yep, now go away.
Isn't it a nice day?
Sure, still go away.

How is that weather?
Umm you know we are together.
I can see there is snow,
And which way the wind decides to blow.

Are you there?
Nope, says my glare.
Find everything you were looking for?
Nope, I'll go to another store.

Can I help you?
No, now shoo.
How was your weekend?
Same as any other trend.

Have a good night!
I hope your fleas bite.
Have a good night?
Two in one, such a plight.

What are you doing?
Right now, you I'm shooing.
How are you doing?
My faith in humanity isn't renewing.

What are you up to?
I left you a present in your shoe.
Are things going good?
Better if you were out of my hood.

How are you?
This already came due.
Have a good day.
Sure, I will just because you say.

Pffft humans and their so called polite chat. Really all they want to do, or want you to do, is scat. Arbitrary question land you humans all find grand. Maybe I should give a big long winded answer every time such a question comes to pass, then no more arbitrary questions for my little rhyming ass.

Friday, January 30, 2015

Four years of blogging have now come due here at my rhyming zoo. Four years is sure longer than I ever thought I would be rhyming away, but here we are at my bay. And the fun keeps rolling on, sure many many more years will dawn. But now it is on to season five at my sea. I guess I can give some spoilers about what's to come from me.

There will be this,
There will be that.
I will rant and hiss,
Show pics of the cat.

There will be a tune or three.
Maybe even some gifs.
I will make fun of thee.
Spirits will lift with no rifts.

There will be a book or ten.
Maybe even some bad art from me.
A rip off or seven at my den.
Along with each search engine crazy.

Did I mention I'd rant?
That I like to do.
May even make a chant,
With some fat to chew.

I will ask what the hell,
With such human things to.
Like how is fat swell?
And who would want to chew?

Maybe even a long arse post.
The story would contain versions of each.
Watch out for Whoopdi Friggin Doo at my coast,
That Robbie Raisin likes to beseech.

But all of that you know,
Let's get more creative now.
For what will really show,
Will make all of you meow.

The cat will strike it rich.
Yep, he'll win the lottery this year.
What? Don't believe that pitch?
Don't worry, you and I will cheer.

The cat will chew on everything rubber.
The cat will chew on string.
The cat will keep off the blubber,
By simply upchucking everything.

Most of all the cat will reply,
To all who comes to see,
What rhyme fell from the sky,
From little old rhyming me.

Season Four is in the past, hopefully season five will be a blast. Away the cat will go and there will always be a show. The posts will continue to grow and the cat will make some eat crow. And I am sure much more will come to pass than what is thought up right now by my little rhyming ass.

Thursday, January 29, 2015

The A to Z is a few months away and the cat thought he would play the ABC game today. I mean many have to start now to get it done, if they still want to have fun. I guess that is what happens when you're not used to posting every day. No sweat for my bay.

A is for addition, as more visits will be had.
It has free admission, but there is many a pad.
B is for bounce, what you will have to do.
At least if you visit an ounce of the list in view.

C is for clutter, which some should shed.
Their posts will make some shutter, being hard on the head.
D is for dormant, what you surely can be.
There is no informant to bring visits to thee.

E is for effective, something you need to know.
Or you may become defective with no visits to your show.
F is for filler, of which there is no need.
No need for a word pillar to dawn your feed.

G is for generate as you need a post each day,
If you want one to venerate at least some of what you say.
H goes with horse, because its a run not a sprint.
It is a long course and you might grow some lint.

I brings initiate, as that you will need to do.
Even with a few to officiate, visits can only be done by you.
J is for jumble, like you can't even speak.
Don't write like you mumble, use spell check at your creek.

K is for kite, which some can go fly.
Don't go to a site and say, "nice post" from upon high.
L is for link, another complete waste of time.
It will go down the drink as you spam with your chime.

M is for moon, something you may see,
As from night to noon you may be on a blog spree.
N is for nadda, the best topic of all.
Don't just yadda yadda about how you have nothing to say on your wall.

O is for ongoing, it just does not stop.
This is a constant showing, so swim or flop.
P is for pat, no not the human here.
Don't be a dirty rat and expect a pat on the rear.

Q is for quiz, a checklist of sorts.
Know the best blog etiquette biz whether talking about shoes or sports.
R is for right, something all think they are.
Just say good night because you aren't always at your bar.

S is for search, look for others that you like.
Don't just sit on a perch or you'll be told to take a hike.
T is for time, a thing you will have to watch.
For even in your prime you could get sent to the scotch.

U works the universe, many out there to explore.
So don't recite a loon curse, instead open a new door.
V is for victory, a sense you may feel,
But don't get contradictory or that could ruin the whole deal.

W is for work, that awful, ugly word.
But in it will lurk, as you can't flip it the bird.
X is for xerox, something you may not want to do.
Repeating at your docks may shun more than a few.

Y screams out Yahoo, for you are close to done.
Wiggle your gazoo and prepare the final one.
Z is for zip, maybe a little pep too.
For you may need it to get all the way through.

Now wasn't that fun? Going to give A to Z a run? If the Grammar Nazi, who posted 5 times in a year, can do it at his sea, I'm sure it can be done by thee. Of course it gives the cat a break and a way to sass, so it will be given a go once again by my little rhyming ass.

Grab a head.
Put the bullseye too bed.
Then take aim.
Hmm sued may be your claim.

A mannequin head.
There would be no dread.
Hit it square in the eyes,
Then give cheering cries.

A picture does the trick,
Can print one off some slick.
You don't have one?
Please, many to give a run.

Get a celebrity face.
That is easy to embrace.
Just burn after use.
They may sue for face abuse.

Or if you have a foe,
There you go.
Use that for the bullseye.
Then make their face fry.

Have an old movie,
That wasn't very groovy.
Don't use it as a coaster,
Instead stick it in the toaster.

Wait! Forget that.
You could fry your fat.
Or maybe even die.
Oh yes, use it for a bullseye.

Or if you really suck,
And are always out of luck,
Hitting the edge instead of the middle,
Unable to play your strange fiddle,

Just get a pane of glass.
Then you can impress a lass.
Just hit it anywhere,
And instant bullseye at your lair.

The cat did not know archers were still around. I guess they still abound. Humans shooting a bow at circles is just no fun. Go give a toaster a run. Or maybe smash a printer. Hmmm well it is winter. So there you are class, I have just hit the bullseye with my little rhyming ass.

Tuesday, January 27, 2015

So the cat hasn't picked on Astrology yet after all these years, I guess I didn't want to bring them ummm simple humans to tears, but what the heck, time for astrology to hit the deck. Poor Manzi may forsake me after this rhyming spree.

Oh look at that,
It says you will lose fat,
And win some money.
And I'm the Easter Bunny.

Pffft indeed, to such nonsense.
Some humans are really really dense.
Let's see a mix and match,
And be so diluted in answers that we apply to the whole batch.

Oh but it isn't diluted at all.
It just can't be specific at any hall.
And why can't it be specific for you?
Because you are a non believer and don't moo.

Why do you need astrology though,
When you have fortune cookies to give a go?
Wait, wait , wait, for $9.99 a minute it can give you your fate.
Damn, I'd like to go into that racket, mate.

I'd be a rich cat.
I'll prove my skills, stat!
Just you wait and see.
This will apply to all of thee.

Today you will learn to fly.
You will go up upon high.
You will live and let live.
You will learn to forgive.

Then oopsy, you will die.
But no one will cry.
That is the end.
The bill I will send.

Did I mention you fly for 10 seconds or so?
You go from high to low.
Then ummm crash, boom, bang!
The pooper scooper people come and scoop you up, dang.

I should work on those details at my sea.
Oh but wait! Those aren't needed for astrology.
I just have to be ambiguous and say things you'll love.
So go ahead, and float like a dove.

You'll at least have a bit of fun,
Before you life is all but done.
You'll hit something more empty than your head.
Then you and the cement will both be dead.

Think the cat has a future in charging $9.99 a minute for a call? No? Damn, back to the drawing board at my hall. I guess I'll have to hunt down bigfoot or the Easter Bunny, snap a pic and sell it for money. Hey, at least I have a clear goal with no ambiguous crap coming to pass. Score one for my little rhyming ass.

Monday, January 26, 2015

I would rather look at zombie feet all day then even attend such a party at my bay. I saw this and threw up in my mouth a bit. It is some really nasty umm spit. Or at least it would create some real nasty spit, giving my OCD a fit.

What have you done to make some dough?
Have you pawned things high and low?
Have you sold yourself for sex?
Maybe went all bounty hunter there, Tex?

Nothing can top this thing.
Well almost nothing for a little cha ching.
Or experiment or what have you.
In the end it is just eww.

Want the cat to get to it already?
Your curiosity is coming on steady.
Last chance to stop reading,
I hope everyone is done feeding.

So in 2012, yeah that far back,
5 people were out for a snack.
They wanted something super rare,
And they didn't want to pay a hefty fare.

Then they saw an ad,
From a 22 year old lad.
He had recently had is umm tallywhacker removed from down there.
See where this is going at my lair?

He had taken the removed part home.
His tallywhacker would no longer roam.
It was put up for bid as a treat.
And people actually thought it was sweet.

Yep, five people paid to eat his tallywhacker.
I guess he wasn't in need of a financial backer.
Just chop it off and cook it up,
Then just add a little wine in your cup.

Mmmm such a tasty meal.
Tallywhacker gets a five star seal.
Just threw up in my mouth again.
Bad enough they eat cow testicles at many a den.

But this just takes the cake.
Why would anyone ever want to partake?
A once in a lifetime opportunity one guy said.
Pffft, so is stepping on the moon or dropping dead.

Do I want to do either one of those?
Nope, although it'd be okay to have moon on my toes.
And just in case you are wondering on the taste,
The 5 eaters said it tasted like rubber as they ate and didn't let it go to waste.

Are you ready for your next meal? Japan was the place of this ordeal. Does that really surprise? Watch what you eat there, a word to the wise. I bet even the gawker would never eat that, even if he has eaten squirrel and rat. I stole Porkys word, tallywhacker, to try and make it less sick. Beats going, mmmm how about that dick. Blah, blah and ewww. Now I am through. No wonder humans never get snipped snipped like me and Cass. I bet they would even eat the parts from my little rhyming ass.

Sunday, January 25, 2015

Ever notice how you humans make up so many sayings for home? I guess you have to as away you roam, leaving the poor cats home alone. Don't even throw a dog a bone.

Home is where the heart is.
That is some weird biz.
If you are away do you rip it out?
Damn, that would make one shout.

My home away from home.
So you like to roam.
But can you have a home when you have a home?
Better off asking a lawn gnome.

You can never go home again.
Damn, have to buy a new den?
That would get expensive I'd say.
In a home you'd forever have to stay.

Bring home the bacon.
So chicken you won't be makin?
That is just plain rude.
I'd give your home attitude.

Come home to roost.
Do you need a boost?
You have to get on top,
So your morning crow isn't a flop.

Keep the home fires burning.
That would make for some u-turning.
Why go were you will burn to a crisp?
Maybe if it is said with a lisp.

Time for the home stretch.
Do they want to play fetch?
Maybe grab a house from either side,
And then stretch it really really wide?

Nothing to write home about.
Does one even write things out?
There is a thing called a phone.
Simply leave a message at the tone.

Eat me out of house and home.
Did you just escape the crazy dome?
House and home is kinda the same.
Maybe they wanted to sound lame.

East, west, home's best.
Some weird test,
But it rhymes,
So not such bad crimes.

Did the cat hit a home run? Or was I not home-y enough under my sun? Is the light on and nobody is home? That happens when you come here to roam. I could go on until the cows come home and spit out regurgitated grass, but you are home free now from my little rhyming ass.

Saturday, January 24, 2015

Ever notice how Americans, and Canadians, are so scared of a naked view? Like it is some bid bad thing coming due. Yeah, some may be scary and some may be too hairy, but oh friggin no! It's what you already have at your show.

You can murder and maim,
No need to keep it tame.
Let Rambo shoot and kill,
It just brings a thrill.

Let barf worthy Saw,
Barf as in making such trash should be against the law,
And its 50 sequels come due.
Killing a bazillion every which way up the gazoo.

That is all fine and dandy.
Hey, there can even be killer candy.
But then oh no!
An ass is about to show.

That just can't be.
That is so scary.
I can't see mine,
Unless you are a feline,

So it is so rare.
I don't want to see it's glare.
Whether pale, tanned or otherwise,
Hide that and the thighs.

Man boobs are okay.
We don't need to look away.
Maybe its a magic trick?
Until, yikes, they whip out the umm wick.

Not that it is something I wish to see,
But again, whoopie.
If you are of age to watch it,
Then your eyes have taken such a hit.

Either you have one of your own,
Or seen one when you umm err are alone.
So again, oh friggin no!
It is such a scary show.

Then comes the best ever.
The bed sheet is so clever.
It blocks everything when she walks away.
But oh yes, our film is true to life, they say.

Bed sheets must get lots of action.
Damn, they must end up in traction.
Getting ripped off the bed,
To cover things below the head.

Again, if able to watch you've seen,
But still people whine it is obscene.
That just can't be.
Nakedness is oh so scary.

And what does it come back to?
At least sometimes in view.
Lazy ass parents who whine when their kids watch it,
Because they use the TV as a babysitter and then pitch a fit.

North America can blow things away but far be it for an ass or something to be on display. That is just oh so wrong. Not that it is needed at all for a movie to be strong. But if it fits within the movie and not just thrown in for this and that, then whoopdi friggin doo says the cat. Animals are burdened with seeing naked humans every day, about time you got the same display. Not like it hasn't been seen in mass. At least that is the rant from my little rhyming ass.

Snowmen on display.
Oh the dismay.
They aren't works of art,
If they resemble the people of Walmart.

Snow down your shirt.
Snow wants to flirt.
But now it is cold,
So things may not be bold.

Snow balls can come calling.
That is just appalling.
Snow in the shape of a ball.
It can't even bounce off the wall.

Snow hides ice.
That is not nice.
Could end you up in a ditch.
Snow is a real bitch.

Snow on your car,
So you can't even get far.
Have to waste time cleaning it off.
Then you develop a cough.

Snow's just gotta go.
Ignore it's little white glow.
For it will snow you in.
Snow is out to win.

See! Don't trust the evil snow, it is after everyone high and low. It is out to flirt and freeze. Run when you feel a cool breeze. Stay inside and lock your door. Move to a nice warm shore. Snow is coming in mass. It will not get my little rhyming ass.

Thursday, January 22, 2015

Another year another bunch of movies that will come due. But what is there to view? I guess we shall see with another year to come in movies from me.

The movie of the year will be,
The Avengers: Age of Ultron, at least for me.
The crappiest one of the year?
Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 will strike fear.

Star Wars Episode 7 comes near the end,
Hopefully it bucks the crap trend.
Jurassic World is back.
The dinos again go on the attack.

"I'll be back" will be heard.
Even if Terminator: Genisys turns out to be a turd.
Speaking of turds, The Fantastic Four,
Will mostly likely go on the turd tour.

But some of you can get your thrill,
As Magic Mike XXL makes me ill.
Ted 2, do you have to ask?.
Greed is up to the sequel task.

Pixels actually has a fun premise to it.
But it could be like any other recent Sandler umm shit.
Assassins Creed will continue the video game crap,
Adding another turd on the game to movie map.

Mission Impossible 5 jumps on your couch.
I guess nothing is impossible with a magic pouch?
Fast and Furious 7 is back in play.
Cars race the streets around L.A.

Mad Max: Fury Road finally shows.
After so much reshoots and money woes.
Goosebumps comes back into the light.
RL Stine's bank account will gain height.

Kung Fu Panda 3 is at hand.
Kung Fu and noodles are so grand?
Monster Trucks sounds umm trucky.
I bet it won't be ducky.

Ant-Man will shrink down.
Will it leave one with a smile or frown?
Insurgent is at play.
Free thinkers want their say.

The Jungle Book comes due.
And Cinderalla does too.
Disney films with real people,
Becoming another repeat steeple.

Ready to see them all? Hopefully not Paul Blart at your hall. The cat will only judge you a bit if you see that umm spit. Any you are going to see that were missed by me? Sequels sure abound once more. But some deserve an encore. Now this year's movies have come to pass and you have been updated by my little rhyming ass.

Wednesday, January 21, 2015

Ever since the dawn of saying more than caveman speak, conspiracy theories have floated up and down every creek. And at the head of each and every one is a nut ball who believes every last thing that is spun.

They are out to get me.
They have big bad technology.
They will probe my mind.
They are a plague on mankind.

They are here to stay.
They took my toy away.
They caused me to crash.
They gave me this rash.

They are so sneaky.
They touched umm blinky.
They caused it not to grow.
They are making me eat crow.

They are everywhere.
They are in your hair.
They are in your loo.
They are watching you.

They are in the air.
They are oh so rare.
They need your sin.
They will always win.

They are at your door.
They aren't just lore.
They kept things from you.
They are oh so true.

Who are they?
Who am I to say.
They are they,
Spiking your food tray.

So fight they.
They can't play.
They need to fry.
Poke they in the eye.

They rule all.
They make you fall.
They control your fate.
They think they are great.

Who are they?
Who am I to say?
But they are there.
They are hiding in your hair.

Do you know who they are? Maybe aliens from lands afar? Now don't get the cat wrong, big pharma, politicians, rich pricks and a few more all want you to be fluoride heads and play along. But no matter what it is, from the conspiracy to the every day biz, you can't be so far out in left field on one that you can't see the rising of the sun. Then it becomes everybody is out to get me. They are oh so scary. When you look for a connection, just like anything in life, a connection you will find. If you are so far out to lunch you can't distinguish fact from fiction it's, "oh no, a plague on mankind." There is truth in most everything that comes to pass. But some take it so far out in left field they'll never see the sun shining off my little rhyming ass.

You rest your head,
Asleep in bed.
Then comes a stream,
Nope, not a dream.

poop on girl shoe

That would be nasty as can be. Hopefully it came off easy.

barney und seine freunde

Anyone want to take a guess? That dinosaur leave a mess?

I like it go up and down, up and down

Hmmm so you like to jump? Or are you getting over the hump?Shaggy traps to avoid

Oh where that can go. I'll pretend I just don't know.

My bathtub ate my shoe

Damn, what a mean bathtub at your zoo. Maybe you need some super glue.

Cats like to pee on my feet

Your feet must really really stink. Maybe they are trying to improve your smell with a nod and a wink.

And the winner sure had a fun chime, if you go for such things in your prime. In which case you may be scary. But then you could like the shaggy and hairy. Umm anyway, here is the winner of round 30 at my bay.

Delightful sensual chocolate on my bossum

Well there is something you should keep close to your chest. Chocolate must like to nest. Not sure I need to be kept abreast of the situation though. Even though you can't spell bosom at your show. Now that I got that off my chest. What? I can pass the pun test. I will go pass some gas out my non chocolate covered little rhyming ass.

So yet another kids book has come due. A zombie super hero, who knew? But that is adventure number two, as Zombie Man goes after the rock crew. And so another book has come to pass from my little rhyming ass.

Sunday, January 18, 2015

The cat thought he'd bring everyone some cheer, well at least those looking to grope a rear. Hey, the search engine crazies have needs as well. So once again we delve into dating site hell.

My door loxes both ways.
Ummm is it like a maze?
Do I even want to know?
My locks say, no!

Like hunting and camping and camping and hunting
Is repeating that stunting?
Trying to read it forwards and back?
Not a very good palindrome attack.

Special toys 4 us in my bathroom.
Ummm where germs loom?
No thank you.
Plus Toys R Us has a better view.

I'am rea4dy to dat u!
Already in the brew?
Apparently you never passed first grade.
Or did those brain cells fade?

My tongue has a mind of its own.
Hold the phone.
Your mind is in your tongue?
Does it mind your lung?

Worries have nothing under me
Hmmm upside down are thee?
Walking on your hands might be cool.
I hope you don't drool.

Snoerers need not apply
Snow is hated by this guy.
But somehow I think it wasn't that.
How about a snoring cat?

Clean slate for me and my mat
Rhyme is a fine trat.
If you can do it right,
Otherwise call it a night.

I yawn because I'm happy
Do you laugh when you are sappy?
Just like to show your pearly whites?
At least maybe they are under dim lights.

Stamp this babie wanting to be complete
You and the tongue together may be neat.
A stamp needs a lick.
Otherwise it may not stick.

There you are. The cat hurt his IQ and eyes for all near and far. So if a licker is you cup of tea feel free to email me. I'll put you in touch with her. Hey, she could save me from licking my fur. Boy, the crazies sure do come out on a dating site, day or night. They are their own class, one that scares my little rhyming ass.

Saturday, January 17, 2015

So I was lounging in bed when Pat woke me with the flash of dread. No, not him naked as can be, seen that so much it is no longer scary. It was the flashy box. For that I will chew holes in his socks. Anyway, he said that dreaded word to me, so I ran and hid up the cat tree.

What is the word?
What do you think?
Nope, not a bird,
Or water in the sink.

One I can eat.
The other I can drink.
One Betsy uses for her feet.
Hint, it's the sink.

Is it the vet?
Is it that cage?
A safe bet,
As both fill me with rage.

The cone of shame?
A dog coming near?
The first I'd maim,
The other bite its rear.

By that I mean tail,
Which I have done.
Boy, do they wail.
They find it no fun.

They walk and talk,
The may even gawk.
The can sometimes stalk,
And pets they can mock.

They sound stupid though,
As they try and meow back.
But they don't seem to know.
Brains they must lack.

Humans you guess?
While it is close enough.
Babies/kids you confess?
Still on the right stuff.

But there is one word for all,
Who come and be pests.
They make me run down the hall,
And that would be GUESTS!

See what I had to deal with yesterday? Guests cause us so much dismay. They are just rude. They come and eat all of our food. On a side note though, got a good caption for the guests who decided to show? What, they aren't scary? One isn't even hairy. That is as scary as can be. Plus they wanted to win my money. The cat will not let that come to pass. Feel free to caption that guests who bothered my little rhyming ass.

Friday, January 16, 2015

The cat found some more facts you may like so he figured it was time to go on another fact hike. Some are just strange indeed. Not sure who finds such things out at their feed.

There are 293 ways to change a dollar.
If I had to find that out, I'd holler.
The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.
Pffft my left hand does 100%, so no griping.

A shark is the only fish that can blink both eyes.
I bet the singing bass would call out, lies.
There are more chickens than people on Earth.
Damn, that is a lot of birth.

The longest one syllable word in English is screeched.
Has your one syllable limit been reached?
Almonds are a member of the peach family I hear,
But then the rose family also comes near.

Maine is the only one syllable state.
I guess that is a special fate.
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
No wonder it sticks its head in the ground to hide the pain.

Tigers have striped skin too.
Must get made fun of by a kangaroo.
A dragonfly lives only 24 hours.
Hopefully it gets a sunny day with no showers.

A goldfish have a 3 month, at most, memory span.
Never trust a goldfish plan.
A dime has 118 ridges around the edge.
Whoever counted that must have wanted a pledge.

There are 336 dimples on a regulation golf ball.
Never counted them when I saw them at my hall.
The average person takes 7 minutes to fall asleep.
Damn, my brain must have too many sheep.

Sneezing with your eyes open you can't do.
Try it next time you sneeze at your zoo.
The giant squid has the largest eyes on Earth.
I guess "giant" does hold some worth.

In most ads the time displayed on a watch is 10:10.
Works for the ocd at my den.
A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.
That one I repeated to make sure you hear.

Rubber bands last longer in the fridge.
But I want to shoot them off a ridge.
Peanuts are an ingredient in dynamite.
No wonder they can give ones liver a fright.

And there you are, some more useless facts from my sand bar. I have to get you humans into gear, as you may not hear. 32 muscles cats have in each one while you guys are just slow under the sun. Now you have some new facts class, all from my fact finding little rhyming ass.

Thursday, January 15, 2015

This goes out to all the dirty humans at play who think they can just run away. The idiots who should rot in hell for more than a spell. The Beer Guys brought this on with a post at their lawn.

You had a good reason.
It was top of the line.
No matter the season,
You have no spine.

Left a pet to roam.
Left out in the wild.
No room at home,
Besides it was mild.

I hope a bird dumps on your head.
I hope you get covered in tar.
I hope bugs invade your bed.
Hell, just go get hit by a car.

Moving to a new place.
It is so new and grand.
It has so much more space,
But pets gotta go as the place allows none on hand.

I hope your stuff gets taken.
I hope termites infest it.
I hope one day your bakin,
And it becomes a fire pit.

They were cute young.
But now they are old.
A new one needs to be sprung.
This one is too big to hold.

I hope you age fast.
I hope you need a walker.
I hope you're made a thing of the past,
Thrown in a home where they use you for soccer.

I have a new baby.
I just don't have time.
Poor poor me, so maybe,
Throwing them away isn't a crime.

I hope you get no sleep.
I hope you get worms.
I hope you fall in a well so deep,
Lassie couldn't even hear your squirms.

But even a slime sucking shit stain,
Can still have quite the allure.
For whether there is sun or rain,
The maggots still clamor over manure.

The cat just had to get that off of his chest before it became a pest. Did I offend the scum suckers out there? Pfffft great, is what I say at my lair. Anyone to give up a pet because of stupid reasons needs to rot. There are a few legit ones, but not a lot. Death, rabies, biting every person and animal around or super severe allergy at your scene. Maybe even moving to Timbuktu and wanting to avoid having them in two months of quarantine. But other than that you are a piece of crap and deserve a bad rap. I hope such people choke on the gas from my little rhyming ass.

Wednesday, January 14, 2015

So Blabber aka Jax aka crazy shampoo fetish woman wanted to do a link up type post once more. Been two years and a half or so since that was done at my shore. That's what happens when lazy err umm busy bloggers go away. Anyway, time for some germ play. I mean I have to get the long and the short of it done. She loves the short cracks a ton. Loves love too. Oh so girlie at here zoo. Hmm I may have lied, time for a germ filled ride.

1. Touch, touch, lick, lick. My, that is a neat trick.

If you expect germs to magically go away before you eat, you are dumber than your dead meat.

2. Share and care with some spittle to spare.

Sure, go share water and food with your best bud. Those germs will bring you down with a thud.

3. The public loo calls to you.

Pee on the seat, non hand washers and germs galore. Need I say more?

4. Get the shot to avoid feeling hot.

Pffft if you think a shot is going to keep you from getting sick, here buy my magic spelling stick.

5. At the tone, yap on the phone.

The average cell phone has 3 times more germs than a public toilet seat. Isn't that neat?

6. A public swimming pool is oh so cool.

Did you know you can catch parasites in there and that they really aren't that rare?

7. Shake a hand, isn't it grand?

Screw being polite when a cold they are obviously trying to fight. Hands spread more germs than any other thing even kisses from a fling.

8. Learn to walk and not just gawk.

Elevators buttons are loaded to the brim. Suddenly the stairs aren't so grim.

9. Come and shop until you drop.

Shopping cart handles can give you germs and parasites too. Many people do not have a clue.

10. Eat everything in sight, day or night.

Believe it or not, what you eat affects whether you get sick a little or a lot.

Now you know how to stay germ free. It's not hard at ones sea. People are just lazy and expect them to stay away. Then when they get sick they boo hoo all day. Yeah, you can't avoid them all, impossible unless you live in a bubble ball. But you can avoid a lot and the rest with a good lifestyle you can easily rot. Now the cat is done with his germ pass that was spurred on by that short, girlie lass. Oh that may get sass, which is fine by my germ free little rhyming ass.

Tuesday, January 13, 2015

Some humans like to repeat things they see in a movie. But it may not turn out so groovy. So the cat will make sure you don't repeat at least some things out on the street. We'd be here for years though if the cat was to do everyone that ever did show.

Never fly off the top of a moving car.

You may fly rather far,

But the end won't be very fun.

You will end up flat and well done.

Don't fight with Bob Barker.

You may need a makeup marker.

Bruises may show up galore.

The price is right avoid at your shore.

Never swing off a roof.

For your waist will go poof.

You will be ripped in two.

Death will surely come due.

Never stand under a brick thrower.

Better off fighting with a lawn mower.

One hit with a brick,

And you will die some slick.

Don't tick off this guy.

He will do more than poke you in the eye.

Make Hulk angry and you are dead.

He'll rip off your head.

Don't hide in a fridge from a nuke.

If you do so you'll be a mook.

A dead mook that is.

Avoid the nuke biz.

Don't drink Jobu's rum.

That would be dumb.

You'd get a bat to the head.

That would be something to dread.

Never stick your pecker in the wall,

Or anything to do with a bathroom stall.

You never know what is on the other end.

Some things just aren't meant to bend.

Never jump from upon high.

It may look like you can fly.

But in the end you will die.

That is surely no lie.

Of course all of this is common sense,

At least to those who aren't dense.

But the ones who have gone around the bend,

May need this to avoid a gruesome end.

Ever tried something crazy off a movie screen? Or are you too wise for that at your scene? Maybe add a few wires and you'd be okay and live to see another day. Other than that you'd be dead and giving off bad gas, trust my little rhyming ass.

Monday, January 12, 2015

The cat wants to head south and away from the cold. But since he can't many more things will take hold. Just you wait and see what we will do when we have to deal with cold at our zoo.

Cassie will make a racket.

She'll make you want to pack it.

She will never stop.

This will make sleeping a flop.

Watch that ball go round and round.

More annoying than a yappy hound.

Well she may stop to stretch out.

But with all the noise you may pout.

Then we will get out this guy,

And make him umm die?

Can a dead thing die?

Redundancy you will spy.

This will make your brain hurt.

At least no blood will spurt.

Might be off with his head.

But what does he care? He's dead.

I'll germ up the table too.

Sit there right in your view.

Acting all serene and such.

Maybe even scratch if you touch.

See my big eyes watching you?

Whatever will you do?

Have to clean the table every day.

Poor poor you at your bay.

And then comes the real mess.

This is so fun I have to confess.

The cat will kill the TP.

It gives me so much glee.

Cassie will just sit and stare.

She thinks I'm nuts as I tear.

But when I am through,

You can bet a big mess will come due.

And we'd be all nice and calm,

If you moved us to a place with a palm.

But oh no, we have snow.

Can you see we shake our heads no?

The sun needs to shine bright,

Giving us sun puddles at our site.

The white stuff falling blocks that.

Snow just makes the cat even more of a dingbat.

Now you can see how we do what we do. Didn't you enjoy the gifs from me to you? The cat is on the gif train now. May have to give such posts an annual meow. They are fun to come to pass, plus they show off my snow hating little rhyming ass.

Sunday, January 11, 2015

The cat was here and there at his lair when he gave some stupid thing a stare. What it was I don't really care. It just spurred on this at my lair because such things aren't rare.

Only on the Internet,
Can such things be met.
Where each and every day,
Some weird thing is on display.

The Earth is at an end.
A common trend.
Some stars line up thing.
Pffft idiot bell, ding!

Nerd rage can fly high!
Can't let a show die.
Rant and rave,
Oopsy, still in its grave.

Everybody is great,
They can answer every trait.
Yahoo answers will give you health,
And maybe even wealth.

People from all over,
Are staying home with rover,
Making $1,111,111 a day.
Ummm err okay.

King Abubu wants to share.
He really does care.
He wants you to have his dough.
But shhh no one can know.

Time travel is out there.
John Titor did it at his lair.
The Earth went boom.
More doom and gloom.

Also you can see,
A man hump a goat in front of thee.
Isn't that the best?
That sure beats the rest.

And where one can go,
And create a meme show.
A whole bunch of crap.
Hail Hydra across the map.

Plus you can learn,
At each and every turn.
Like how to stuff cinnamon in your mouth,
And die as it heads south.

Isn't the Internet grand? Hey, it allows me to have my sand box land. And you may see zombie feet but no people seeing a goat and getting sweet. Hopefully you don't add to the really nut job mass. If so, don't tell my little rhyming ass.

Saturday, January 10, 2015

So the cat was hopping here and there and reading how some people have to watch what they say at their lair. I guess work places frown on such things as being honest in the blogland wings.

Do you care,
What you say at our lair?
Like if some one sees it,
They'll have a fit?

Poor work sees your blog.
Oopsy, they learn you're a word hog.
At least they see you can spell.
Who cares if you said a co-worker has a bad smell.

Most are wise though,
Being vague with what they show.
But even then they whine.
They say you crossed a line.

You said GMO is trash.
That gave them a bad rash.
Oopsy, you can't say that.
Should keep things under your hat.

Yeah, that is right.
Keep your head down day and night.
Be a worker drone,
And clock out at the tone.

Have no opinion for yourself.
Be happy like a Gerber elf.
That is all we really want.
Your words on whatever can really haunt.

Pffft says the cat.
You're the dingbat.
Did I offend?
Nope, won't amend.

There are some things you don't say,
Just because it is civil at your bay.
But most crap I just let fly.
Don't like it, go fry.

Don't even claim to be always right.
But I'll say what I want at my site.
And if you get your undies in a bunch,
Maybe you need more fiber for lunch.

Some basics and really personal things many hide for a reason,
But then that can change with a new season.
So do you care,
What you say at your lair?

Thankfully, besides a few haters at my gate, no one has cared about my rhyming fate. And if they did at my sea, whether work or someone I knew personally, tough luck. The cat won't pass the buck. I think it helps being a crazy rhyming cat though. Would you tone it down or care at your show? The cat would just pass some gas and continue on being a little rhyming ass.

Friday, January 9, 2015

The cat has yet to do this one. I guess it got lost amongst my fun. The word just makes one want to go, damn. For it is a pain in the butt to come up with a pangram. Then again not if you blither on for a while, which of course is easy to do as I go the rhyming mile.

Five hexing wizard bots jump quickly.
Robots have nothing to fear and aren't tickly.
Quick fox jumps nightly above wizard.
The fox better be slick to beat the old gizzard.

Vamp fox held quartz duck just by wing.
The duck got his blood sucked or something?
Five quacking zephyrs jolt my wax bed.
You have a bed made of wax where you rest your head?

The five boxing wizards jump quickly.
I hope after all the hopping none look sickly.
Jackdaws love my big sphinx of quartz.
I hope it doesn't cause warts.

Show mangled quartz flip vibe exactly.
Is that some kind of factly?
My jocks box, get hard, unzip, quiver, flow.
I better stop as no more do I want to know.

Make out what a pangram is with my little crazy biz? Yes? No? Maybe so? It means all 26 letters from the alphabet show. Even if the sentences are crazy, no letter gets left out to be lazy. Now I am done with my pangram sass and off I go with my 12 letter using little rhyming ass.

Thursday, January 8, 2015

So Manzanita sent the cat a bunch of phobias at his bay and the cat just had to use them to play. Some of them may scare those out there who have them at their lair. I mean dirt is so scary. I suppose it could be if things were dropped there by something hairy.

Alliumphobia is so grand.
Vampires will love you across the land.
For you fear their fear.
Garlic is smelly, I hear.

Anthophobia is so great.
No money needs to be spent on a date.
At least on the typical part.
You'll run in fear of flowers that come from the heart.

Botanophobia is one for you.
No vegetarian allowed at your zoo.
Fear of plants big and small.
I wonder if grass counts at their hall?

Bufonophobia won't get you a kiss,
If a spell has stopped your bliss.
Turned into a toad you may remain,
As the buffoons are afraid of you at your lane.

Dendrophobia is oh so scary too!
Watch out, they may bite you.
Those trees can really move and grow.
Soon they will step on your toe.

Entomophobia would be no fun for me,
Then I'd have nothing to eat at my sea.
Fear of insects is one many a human has indeed.
They are nasty buggers that grow like a weed.

Scoleciphobia will leave you at home,
When the fisherman go out to roam.
Manzanita may even be classified by this,
As those nasty worms ruin her bliss.

Rupophobia people find dirt scary.
It must grow more than a berry.
I guess digging up buried treasure,
Would also not give them any pleasure.

Ornithophobia would make one paranoid,
And they'd fall in to a dark void,
If they visited Betsy's sea.
Those birds would be oh so scary.

Myrmecophobia goes marching on,
Okay, maybe not out on the lawn.
For with ants marching one by one,
Hurrah won't be said as you turn and run.

There are some things to strike fear today. Toads, ants, plants, trees and birds are so scary on display. Are you in full on panic mode now? I bet you are going to have a cow. I mean those big words must be scary in mass. They are just oh so, not really, scary to my little rhyming ass.

Wednesday, January 7, 2015

A new year is here, all know that after many a cheer, but is it time to kick it into gear or just run away in fear? I guess we shall see as a little rant is done by me.

Scream and shout,

Bounce like a trout.

One that's on land.

The new year is grand.

A time for change,

A time to rearrange.

A time for this or that,

A time when pffft comes from the cat.

But that we know already.

The cat states that steady.

Yet with one near,

Do you cheer or run in fear?

Fear your end is near.

Could croak after another beer.

That would surely suck.

Or maybe you fear luck.

Maybe you give it a cheer.

All will call you dear.

Wouldn't that be great?

Nah, not a deary fate.

So fear or cheer?

Both can kick things into gear.

Which one do you choose?

Time for me to abuse.

Neither one!

Screw either being spun.

New year does nothing at all.

Just another day added to the wall.

Won't magically find a new way.

Won't magically sail across the bay.

Won't magically get pay.

Won't magically go astray.

You will do what you will.

You will get your fill.

There is no magic pill,

And no magic date that fits the bill.

The new year is like a fart.

It is not some kind of fresh start.

It passes like any other one does.

You create your own fear, cheer or buzz.

What? The cat just likes to drive that home at his hut. The new year is like a fart. Hmmm may get that lamented at my cart. It builds up and then blows away, you do the same as you do any other day. You want something done and your insecurity to go away. Do it on any single day. Whether it is March or November that comes to pass. New Year's is just as magical as a fart from my little rhyming ass.

Tuesday, January 6, 2015

So another things you can say popped on in and the cat will give it a go at his bin. Things you can say about music or song that your partner would find oh so wrong.

That G-String is a bit tight.
May get you sent for a cheap flight.
I think your valves need some oil.
Any nightly plans that will foil.

In some areas you are rather flat.
May get hit with a big bat.
Are you sure that scale is right?
Could wind up dead one night.

The minors is your calling.
Some could find that appalling.
Did the majors cut you loose?
May get a kick to the caboose.

When will your horn snap to attention?
Could land you in detention.
Has someone been tickling your ivories today?
A piano your head may play.

You really love triangles don't you?
Things could quickly turn blue.
That is just not to scale.
Another epic fail.

You must have had a great conductor.
Now you may need some kind of instructor.
You have one mean idiophone.
Could get cut off at the tone.

Care to beat the drums all day?
For that you could pay.
Is that your only drumstick?
A gun could next go, click.

Will you drum up some business for me?
Oh, I hope it isn't done for free.
Why are you so off key?
Could get you a whack to the knee.

Could you watch your pitch?
May leave you dead in a ditch.
Your flute seems rather aired out.
That could cause one to pout.

And there you are, saved once again at the cat's sand bar. Now you know what not to say when you feel a tune coming on at your bay. If you don't want to end up with more than a bad case of gas, trust my little rhyming ass.

Monday, January 5, 2015

Is it a wonder why you humans believe all you see? It is always so pretty. Who cares if stats are pulled from an ass. They still go over so well with your mankind mass.

Balls can bounce,

Cats can pounce.

Dogs can chew.

Look at the pretty view.

Did you know that 95% of you eat flies?

Yeah, they are in chocolate bars to pies.

It has to be oh so true.
Just look at the pretty picture that came due.

Toes have hair.

Cats run around bare.

Cats have hairballs.

Toes walk through halls.

Did you know 88% more deaths occur by toe stubbing,

As humans go out each night clubbing,

Than those who trip over cats?

It is true, the graph says so, dingbats.

Mountains are big.

Bald people wear a wig.

Mountains are large.

Why shout charge?

Did you know that mountains eat people?

Don't ask under a church steeple.

Just trust in the pretty graph,

While the cat gets a good laugh.

Pac-man is yellow.

Those ghosts are mellow.

He eats a lot,

Even a pot.

Did you know that upside down,

Pac-man turns green with a frown?

You can see it in the stats above.

Show green Pac-man some love.

Scissors are sharp.

They can cut a tarp.

I ran with them before.

Still alive at my shore.

Did you know pointy things are pointy?

They can stab a jointy.

They can even make you rhyme crappy.

Aren't the pointy things oh so snappy?

Now you have been given true stats. See, you just have to ask cats. We will tell you how it is with your pretty picture biz. No need even for a quiz. Soon you'll be a whiz. Now I am done with my graphing sass. Have fun staring at the pretty graphs from my little rhyming ass.

Sunday, January 4, 2015

A little was is today at my bay. Do you get the was is display? I guess I should explain or we could just do that down the lane. I guess we will go with the second one as the cat has some fun.

That movie is great.
Add it to your plate.
That movie was grand,
All across the land.

The chair was a great thought.
I like the chair a whole lot.
The chair was comfy too.
I need one for my zoo.

The inventor of the shoe,
Was so great at their zoo.
It saves my feet,
As I walk down the street.

Catching on yet?
Confused by the pet?
Oh don't go all shoe crazy on me,
Or I will go pitch them all in the sea.

That was a great post.
R is embodied at my coast.
That is so fun.
An is and was run.

You must know now.
If not, then wow.
I was hoping you'd catch on.
That light has to dawn.

That was a crap job,
You had to sit by Bob.
Poor, poor you.
Isn't it still crap at your zoo?

I know you are close now.
So don't sit and have a cow.
The birth of that would sting.
Not a good type of fling.

Is this post getting to you?
Are you still stuck like super glue?
Yesterday was a good day.
See, that one is correct at my bay.

Was or is,
Out they fizz,
When you use,
And abuse.

If a movie was good, isn't it still good at your hood? If a chair being invented was great, isn't it still such a fate? Is and was used for the same thing at each and every wing. Past tense like yesterday makes sense when was is what you say. But unless something like invisible air comes out and beats the chair. The chair IS still a great invention for lad or lass. Just another observation from my little rhyming ass.

Saturday, January 3, 2015

We went down the old time road and were caught up in a timely mode. But this time of year when all give a cheer, time seems to be steady and always at the ready.

Time is real.
Time will heal.
Time you can feel.
Time for deal or no deal?

For what is time?
I know, such a crime.
I am making you think.
How dare I at my rink.

Time is man made.
Whether in the sun or shade,
Time ticks on,
And brings forth dawn.

But it was still man made.
You can watch a growing grass blade.
You can see the leaves change.
Heck, one day you'll go out on the range.

It is measured by time.
By each clock chime.
But what measure is real?
Is it the clock's wheel?

Is it how you feel?
Is it the length of an eel?
Too many questions for you?
Don't worry, almost through.

Can time be changed?
Daylight savings time was rearranged.
Who gets to change that?
Maybe 8 days a week is where it's at?

Why stop at seven?
Can say it is something to do with heaven.
But man still created time,
To use as the years climb.

But is time all in our head?
Things change no matter what is said.
Is that a specific notion though?
Maybe just ducks in a row?

If time is fiction and nothing more,
Can time travel still be used to explore?
Maybe that is why time travel has not come due.
Because time is nothing but fiction for me and you.

Time to end this chime. Is time in its prime? Is time real to you? Maybe time needs a whoopdi friggin doo? Things will change with or without time. They sure can change on a dime. Now I am done with my time sass and off I go wiggling my timely little rhyming ass.

Friday, January 2, 2015

So just like the magic day is nonsense in every way, the cat thought he would see what other fiction is around that is believed by those with less brain cells than a hound. That may be in insult to the hound and their barking sound.

"The food I eat doesn't matter."
Yep, you can just sit and get fatter.
"GMOs are safe because scientist who are paid by the creators say so."
Wow, don't you want to go chow down on some GMO?

"Mercury in vaccines is oh so safe to use."
Hey, it said it was on the news.
"The news speaks the truth."
So does my 110 year old aunt with no memory, Ruth.

"Swallowing fluoride is so good for you."
Yep, they studied it in Africa so it has to be true.
"Cell phone radiation does nothing at all."
So says the cell phone companies on their wall.

"Dog treats made in China are great for your pet."
Yep, so is a costly trip to the vet.
"My god is right, so yours must be wrong."
Keep singing that age old song.

"Anything approved by the FDA is safe to use."
Yeah, just ignore all those side effects there for you to peruse.
"If any bad national emergency happens the government will take care of me."
Have you been drinking fluoride coated pee?

"Governments in debt are just fine."
Yeah, just keep printing money in a line.
"Organic food is a waste of money."
Don't you just love how pesticides make your stool runny?

"People in first world countries can't get parasites."
And the cat wrote the bill of rights.
"Getting cancer is just bad luck."
Yep, food, drugs and what have you are aboard another truck.

"Humans are soooo special that we must be alone."
Oh yeah, E.T. can't go phone home.
"We will never run out of oil."
And if you step on the sun you won't boil.

"Big business really cares about the little guy."
Wow, and I just saw money rain down from the sky.
"Fracking is just A OK!"
So is dumping garbage in the bay.

"Mds are always right."
If you believe that you need to go fly a kite.
"I read it on the internet so it must be true."
Nope, even can be wrong at my zoo.

Did the cat dispel some things for you? Now what is fact and what is true? Umm my bet is on none of them are true. But that is just me at my zoo. Any to add to my sass? Feel free to enlighten my little rhyming ass.

Thursday, January 1, 2015

So you want to start the new year off right? Now you can thanks to my site. The cat will give you tips to get everything ready for a year that will be great and stay steady.

First survey your kingdom from upon high.

You have to know each and every cry.

Noise in the night,

Can be a real fright.

See, it can pin your ears back.

Know the noises at your shack.

Then you'll get a good sleep.

That is step one at your keep.

Step two is to stretch.

Don't go play fetch.

Stretch out as far as you are able.

Even lie on the table.

Or just the back of a chair.

If it can hold you at your lair.

You can flop over it.

It also is a hit.

See, get in the game.

Proof of my claim.

You can be as bendy as can be,

Just by stretching at your sea.

Get fresh air.

Easy at your lair.

But some rarely do.

Then again smog is around many of you.

I'm showing you what not to do.

See! This is wrong at your zoo.

No fresh air under the bed.

Get that through your head.

Step 4, posture is key.

On that just trust me.

And if yours really does suck.

Get an ass pillow to be in luck.

And don't forget the vitamin D.

That is important at your sea.

Without it you'll wither away.

That will not be a very nice day.

And you can do two in one,

Stretching and some sun.

Now my steps are through.

Aren't you glad I shared them with you?

You can be on your way to a great new year thanks to my bay. Just modify so they work where you play. I mean some humans can't fit in the cupboard or whatever. Although the cat would like to watch that endeavor. Happy New Year from sassy Cass and my ever so helpful little rhyming ass.

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About Me

Orlin the cat is the rhyming king, all kinds of entertainment and fun I bring. Pat sometimes gets a vote when he has something to say of note. But it is mostly the cat here at our mat. Pat is owned by my myself and Cassie, who is rather sassie. The two cats and Pat reside somewhere in Nova Scotia and "eh" isn't part of our chat. So here at Bush #5, you can balk, poke fun and just enjoy my hive. If you can't then find some sand from any land, pick it up off the ground and proceed to pound. See what fun I can be? So enjoy my sea where the absence of a plot is a plot and now that is all out of me.