Search This Blog

Guys will be Guys

What is it guys and their idea of expression? No wonder cell phone and greeting card companies have to turn to women when they want to say, “Express yourself.” The older a boy gets the more he becomes aware of the fact that other humans of the same gender are not to be spoken of in an affectionate way.

There were times when we too had best friends. These were the boys like us with whom we shared our lunch at school. These were the boys who helped us with our homework, and these were the very same boys who picked up fights for you in the playground when you were not strong enough to stand for yourself. As we got to our early teens, these boys were the confidantes who were the first to learn of our secret crushes. And at times these boys were the pigeons carrying mush-infested paper balls to and from these secret crushes. They were our best friends.

Then through some freak of nature these boys became men. And then somehow there were no best friends. Girls still have their best friends (at least I think they do). Boys? Well, something happens somewhere down the line that programs their brains to behave in the following manner.

“So, who is your best friend?”

“What’s best friend? That’s so childish. I have many good friends. We are all good friends.”

So while you still have a closer, select, cherished group of same-sex individuals whom you trust and bank upon, and who would be your single phone call from prison – their acceptance as best friend(s) has been gradually and methodically erased from our genes. --- Equation: (a)

While I might agree to the fact that Friendship Day might be a stupid idea to begin with – if Valentine’s Day is OK so is Friendship Day. If it’s dumb to commemorate a day to tell someone that he is your friend – it’s no worse than taking out a day to tell someone you love her. --- Equation: (b)

From (a) and (b)

So when you add our genetically modified expression of sentiments to the idea of Friendship Day, you get something like this:

“HAPPY FRIENDSHIP DAY :P”

“Same to you but why the :P”

“its thoda sa gay

thts why :P laga diya”

Now that’s a real life chat.

It’s the very same phenomena that makes a guy who has been a close friend of yours for close to 9 years write something like this:

“Happy Friendship Day“

“haan haan

Ain’t we too old for Happy Friendship Day?”

That’s us. That’s our Y chromosome acting. So the only recess we have available is under the stream of a serious volume of alcohol.

There’s booze in the blood. Oh, shut up! You Y-Chromosome!

Then it is ok for that very same friend to call me up on STD (something guys don’t do except when it’s your birthday or when you are in a coma) in the middle of midnight, all drunk and high, and then hand over the phone to his girlfriend saying “I just felt my girlfriend should talk to my best friend.”

Holy Alcohol!

So while we curse our friends when they use our deodorant or when they run a heist on our food plate in the canteen – a heist, at times, on ex-girlfriends (and sometimes current as well) is accomplished without any transaction of Sorries and Thankyous. Thank God for the Y-chromosome. After all it’s the Bro Code : Bros before Hoes (details) – which simply translated means “Bas apne beech mein ladki aa gayi. Yahi dosti yahi pyaar!!!”

So here I toast to the unspoken spirit of the bro code.

And this Friendship Day I say to all my unnamed friends (they know who they are – can’t name them – remember the Y guy) without a drop of alcohol in my blood : “I Love You all in the most NON-GAY way that I can.”

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

JUN 20, 2018:It's been close to a week since FIFA World Cup 2018 started. We have already seen almost as many upsets as there were fancy advanced models pre-tournament trying to predict the outcomes. There has been a flurry of articles and scholarly papers using Artificial Intelligence and Machine Learning to predict the tournament results this year. Included in that list are the usual suspects such as FiveThirtyEight and bookmakers, as well as unlikely participants such as Goldman Sachs and Cornell University (maybe not that unlikely). Inspired by these articles, some heated arguments, a few cups of coffee, and with my trusted Microsoft Excel, I set about creating my own not-so-intelligent predictor. It's a fairly simple model that runs Monte Carlo simulations, and uses some hard coded inputs on pre-tournament form, such as: FIFA Ranking PointsFootball ELO RatingsGoals Scored, Goal Conceded and Undefeated streaks since World Cup 2014Number of Ballon d'Or winners in the team …

I expect the DC++ hoggers already know about "Three KGPians day out", well here is a new version of it.

Four days before the end sem exams, and on the eve of the day which has three tests in store for them, three KGPians, decided to go out for a late night snack. Actually there wasnt much decision involved except for the place where they would be willing to hog down stuff. The local canteen won on the grounds that being the nearest, they would be WASTING much lesser time if they went there.

The guftagu began, after the initial rite of ordering your stuff. Two Bread Butters, one beg sandwich, and a cup of tea. No maggie, no chowmein -- seriosly these people were low on budget. Before we get any further into their actual conversation, lets name the three dramatis personae. On account of confidentiality, they have requested that they be known by aliases. So lets call them MyTh, Quark and manGO.

As the three waited for the food to arrive, manGO being in a counter reflective mood de…