Fuzzy Ryan! Whoopee Goldberg! Abraham Lincoln! Randy as a card dealer from Maverick! Kenny Rogers! Botox! This is gonna be a good show and let me be the first to say YEEHAW!

Taylor is going to start country night with “Take Me Home, Country Roads” by John Denver, which I imagine is a song that would be hard to mess up. After a bit of an uncertain start, Taylor pulls it together and turns in his usual fun performance, but something is missing tonight. The arrangement seemed too high-pitched and Taylor had to strain. You have to admire the fact that he heard criticism for being a gimmick guy, so he stopped doing the Waggle Dance and is trying to show that he’s a real singer. The judges thought it was safe, boring, lazy, just okay, and dull. Despite this, maniacs in the crowd drunkenly cheer “SOUL PATROL!” and you know Taylor is safe anyway. Go back to soulful ballads like “Levon,” Taylor.

Mandisa is going to eschew the religious zealotry this week by performing “Any Man of Mine.” Wow, I hope she doesn’t show her navel in Shania Twain fashion. Ewww. Okay, disclaimer here: I’m hip to the whole “fat people are people too” movement that is going on these days. Nevertheless, this is just gross. Those HUGE jeans and flabby arms…just gross. I guess I’m shallow, but these sexy lyrics DO NOT WORK for Mandisa. Oh yeah, and the vocal is boring. Randy thought it was weird, Paula mumbles about Mandisa having a great voice, and Simon calls it horrible. I feel dirty, seriously. It was mortifying. Simon disses Ryan and says he looks like a guy from Desperate Housewives. Ryan looks actually chagrined and backs off the bullshittery. Sissy. Mandisa touches Ryan’s knee and this is still yucky.

Elliott will bring “If Tomorrow Never Comes” by Garth Brooks to the table. You know, at first I didn’t understand the Elliott fandom, but he’s really starting to win me over. The chorus seems a bit off-key, and there’s not much to the performance, but it’s okay. Not everyone can do country, I guess. Randy thought it was hot. Paula blows the dust off her standard “breath of fresh air” line and rambles on and on. Simon thought it was safe and Elliott seemed hesitant and nervous.

I love those Old Navy commercials. They make me feel young and wild and free. Which reminds me: I wish AI would do Bryan Adams night. That would be a great show.

Paris is wearing a leather corset, unlaced of course because she is a woman of God. In true Paris fashion, she’s going to lull us into complacency with “How Do I Live?” Boring. She seems to be struggling. You know what sucks about Rudy doing these songs? She’s too young to really get it. I think if Taylor did this song, he probably knows about love and loss and pain. But how much “how do I ever, ever survive?” do you understand when you are 16? Randy and Paula thought it was disconnected. Simon thought it was very good. I also think Paris is too much of a chameleon. She’s giving no one a strong reason to like her.

Keith Urban’s “I Wanna Cry” will be the usual Ace Young ballad, methinks. You know, he jumped the shark back at “Father Figure.” I thought that night that he would win the whole thing. He just sits there and does the same old act: googly eyes at the camera, off-key falsettos, weak vocals. This guy is nothing. Randy thought it was boring but Paula and Simon dug it.

WART REMOVER. WART REMOVER. WART WART WART WART WART WART WART

So Rolaids wants to get rid of our Chocky antacid. Good idea – I wish I had NEVER seen that creepy ass show when I was a kid.

Hard hitting journalist Seacrest asks Kellie if she’s a fraud. She confirms she is dumb as a rock. “Fancy” is her song choice. Oh no. Kenny Rogers says this song is good for Kellie because “that’s what she’s all about.” Really? She’s all about being sold into whoredom by her poor mother? Okay…PICKLER SQUAT! PICKLER SQUAT! This is passionless. You’d think such a scorching song would elicit some emotion from Kellie, but her performance of “I’m the Only One” was about five hundred notches more passionate. The judges all loved it and I’m confused.

Kevin Bacon OWNS.

Chris picks Keith Urban’s “Making Memories of Us.” Kenny Rogers says Chris can’t do country in a skull shirt, reminding me that Kenny Rogers, though cool, is very far removed from real country artists like Waylon Jennings, who probably wished he had a skull on every piece of clothing he owned. The performance is really good and Chris proves he can flat-out sing. Absolutely awesome, beautiful song and you have to think he’s a frontrunner at this point. The judges liked the vocal but Simon hints that it was boring. Jeez. Criticized for being “indulgent” for singing WHAT IF? WHAT IF? WHAT IF?, Chris turns to a ballad and Simon nukes him for that, too. You just can’t please this guy.

Katherine will sing “Bringing Out the Elvis in Me” and from the first note, it’s perfect. She’s so sexy and is the only contestant who appears to be having real fun out there. Her powerful voice is almost eclipsed by her shaking butt. How fun. The best tonight so far. Randy thought it was very nice and Paula says it was sexy, hot and cool. Simon says the song was “peculiar” and I wish Christopher Lloyd was here to start calling him a fairy for saying “peculiar.” And we’d also need Jack Nicholson to do reaction shots. Katharine: “Simon, you just don’t like country, just say it, it’s okay.” SERVED.

Bucky better BRING IT tonight. Kenny Rogers valiantly tries to head off any Boomhauer-esque mumbling. Gary Allen’s “Best I Ever Had” is not the best song choice for Bucky. Most of his notes are flat. He sounds like Ryan Adams, in a bad way. “It’s not so bad,” he sings, but really, it is. Randy notes the pitch problems but Paula and Simon patronize him and say it was okay.

Weird night, overall. I predict Mandisa and Ace are in the bottom three. The other one to drop is anybody’s guess. Were it not for his gigantic fanbase, I’d say it will be Taylor.

Peace out.

Have you ever considered any real freedoms? Freedoms from the opinion of others... even the opinions of yourself?

Country is bad enough, but these contestants were just bleh. No life, no joy, no fun. It was a chore to sit through and I wish I hadn't.

That being said, I think Parts is pretty close in his assessments.

Chris was the best, Ace was the worst. In between, it's anyone's guess.

I would like Paris to go home and I think she will be in the bottom three with Ace and someone else (it could really be anyone).

Most of the songs were bland and if Kenny Rogers hadn't talked I wouldn't have known who the hell that was! How much stuff has he had injected into his face? His skin was so taut, I thought he was going to explode.

Taylor - he was fine, thought the singing was good but it was a bit boring. Not bottom three boring though.

Mandisa - holy horrible. At least most weeks her voice saves her a bit, but wow was she bad here. Terrible song choice.

Elliot - He did ok with this. Nothing to write home about. He's had a couple of musicians tell him he oversings now though, and for country that is a problem.

Paris - best night she's had. I thought she looked good and sang well. Wasn't sure about her from past weeks, but if she can follow this up she'll be fine. Best so far. Can't recall a time this season when Randy and Paula didn't like something yet Simon did, but he was right.

Ace - You know, when you're consistently in the bottom three you might think about changing things up. The dreamy looks into the camera obviously aren't getting it done for him, yet he went there again and failed.

Kellie - Solid job by her. She does this type of song well and was as good as anyone tonight. Not going anywhere.

Chris - Very good job by him. Simon asked for him to do something different and he pulled it off yet Simon isn't satisfied still. He's totally the front runner in my view.

Katherine - I just don't get the Kat love. What a horrible song, it was the same damn seven words over and over and over, didn't show anything special about her voice and her little "I'm a goofball" looks take away from her performances for me. I think she's back in the bottom three.

Bucky - Nope. I mean he's trying hard, but he did a poor job singing I thought and just...he should be gone but there were enough bad performances to maybe keep him around.

Bottom Three - Ace, Katherine, Mandisa though I wouldn't be suprised to see Bucky in there instead of Kat.

After Ryan's dig at Simon after Taylor's performance, who had "next segment" for Simon to drop a "Desparate Housewives"-reference on Seacrest? Show of hands?

The first three were the worst three. Kellie and Bucky get free passes because they were obviously "doing their thing" even though their song choices were both AWFUL.

Chris and Paris get the awards for rising up above low expectations. They were both really good.

Katharine was predictably good singing a bluesy Faith Hill-song, even though she flubbed the words.

Ace was bad, and Mrs. JJD TRIED to like him because she is all about the Urban, but then Chris blew his ass away just a couple of songs later with his own Urban song. She still though Elliott was worse than Ace, though.

Please let Mandisa go home this week.

EDIT: The night's BEST moment was when Paula dissed Paris and the crowd booed her like crazy, then Simon complimented her and the crowd cheered him. Awesome.

And Parts Unknown, I generally agree about the young'uns trying to sing "older" stuff (thinking of Diana DeGarmo), but LeAnn Rimes did that song when she was like 16 herself, so that didn't bother me this week.

(edited by JayJayDean on 5.4.06 0636)"You know what you need?Some new quotes in your sig.Yeah, I said it." -- DJFrostyFreeze

Originally posted by JayJayDeanAnd Parts Unknown, I generally agree about the young'uns trying to sing "older" stuff (thinking of Diana DeGarmo), but LeAnn Rimes did that song when she was like 16 herself, so that didn't bother me this week.

(edited by JayJayDean on 5.4.06 0636)

Yeah dude, but I was thinking more about the Trisha Yearwood (original) version from Con Air. I always thought that one was better because you just KNEW Yearwood had a real handle on the song, but Rimes was just doing a gimmicky "oh look! the kid can sing!" routine.

Have you ever considered any real freedoms? Freedoms from the opinion of others... even the opinions of yourself?

My favorite part of the show was Elliott's performance. I have NEVER seen anyone be that nervous on stage before. He was rocking back and forth while standing in place, his voice wavering on every note, and he was double fisting the microphone like an 18 year old in her first porn movie.

Taylor's performance was just . . . ugh. You could tell he hated the song.

Mandisa was also eh. It just didn't do it for me.

Chris nailed the song in every possible way -- completely showed up Ace in the Keith Urban department.

Paris I thought was SENSATIONAL. My perspective on it is this: Last week, she gives us a damn good Beyonce impersonation. This week she does a damn good Leann Rimes impersonation. If she can switch gears like that and still sing as well as she does -- hell, why not?

Kat . . I'm sorry. She may have the best voice in the competition, but she's just soulless when she sings. Her performance tonight gave me flashbacks of when Ayla tried to "perform" . . . and it was a bad idea.

Bucky needs to quit trying to sing with a huge wad of Red Man in his mouth.

Kellie I can't comment on, because I have a large portion of irrational hatred towards her stupid hick blonde act

Originally posted by JayJayDeanAnd Parts Unknown, I generally agree about the young'uns trying to sing "older" stuff (thinking of Diana DeGarmo), but LeAnn Rimes did that song when she was like 16 herself, so that didn't bother me this week.

(edited by JayJayDean on 5.4.06 0636)

Yeah dude, but I was thinking more about the Trisha Yearwood (original) version from Con Air. I always thought that one was better because you just KNEW Yearwood had a real handle on the song, but Rimes was just doing a gimmicky "oh look! the kid can sing!" routine.

Unless I'm completely wrong, the song was originally meant for Rimes, but the Con Air people thought she was too young too pull off such an emotional part of the movie so they got Trisha Yearwood to do it. Rimes had to wait until Yearwood's version was coming off the charts to release hers. When she did, it did better than Yearwood's (which surprised me) and ended up coming out so soon after Yearwood's that they were both nominated for "Song of the Year" separately for the same song.

But as far as the night goes:

Taylor bored me. I want to see him dancing around.

Mandisa was HORRIBLE and yes, it was awkward to watch for the same reason that I should never go on stage and sing "I'm every woman". Some things just don't fit. There's no way she's going home (or should go home) after just one bad night with all the deadwood still left in this thing though. I know I'm setting myself up here, but I still see her making it right to the last few.

Elliot seemed okay, but he always just seems okay. When he's on early in the show he's in trouble because I don't think he's done a lot of performances that really stand out and MAKE you remember him at the end of the night like Chris and Mandisa do. I always see him on the end of the night recap and think "Oh yeah! Elliot sang too!"

Paris was horrible too. Every week it's like her performance is the Junior High Talent Show intermission act where she just impersonates other artists. She's like a karaoke jukebox at this point.

Ace was better than he has been lately, but yeah, he should really try doing SOMETHING different from what's gotten him in the bottom three a couple of times.

Kellie was pretty good (and I HATE her), but maybe it's just because I like the song and most people up until this point had been pretty bad.

Chris did a great job. This is the second time that I've liked his song better than the original artist's. I'm surprised that Simon didn't tell him to go back to the yelling and screaming. Then next week he could tell him to stop yelling and screaming and try something new. Repeat until voted off.

Katherine's awesome. It's a bad song to begin with, but I don't care. She did an okay job on a gimmick week that was probably the hardest for her to find a song that she could sing.

Bucky let me down. When he started "The Thunder Rolls" a couple weeks ago, he sounded AMAZING. When he started really going though, he starts doing that weird thing with his voice that makes it sound like a 12 year old boy going through puberty. This week he had a slow song and still did the "Can't hold a note but I have a country accent so it's supposed to sound good" thing.

According to DialIdol.com and other spoiler sites, Mandisa, Elliott and Paris are your bottom three, with Mandisa having the lowest number of votes.And that's not based on just one bad night. There was also last week, in which she alienated/pissed off a lot of people with the GOD CAN BREAK YOUR CHAINZ~!! routine.Also, this is interesting: according to the official Idol site news section, next week will be the songs of Queen. Somebody better do "Who Wants to Live Forever?"

Have you ever considered any real freedoms? Freedoms from the opinion of others... even the opinions of yourself?

Yeah, I forgot about last week's GOD CAN BREAK YOUR CHAINZ~!! If this was her week to win those people back, I don't think she did herself any favors. I guess we'll find out in a half hour or so who's out. I'll still have my fingers crossed that it's Paris if those three really are the bottom three (although they've gotten the bottom three wrong before).

Thank you Parts Unknown for the recap on Tuesday. Our TIVO was having problems. We only caught Taylor. Otherwise, it was a choppy picture or "Searching for satellite signal." We fast forwarded through it...until the very end. For Taylor...it was too fast. John Denver was rolling in his grave.

Wednesday. We had to rely on the few seconds in the recap and the Parts Unknown recap. Mostly, it was a throw it on the dartboard thing.

What I ended up...9 best, 1 worst.

9. Kellie

8. Katharine

7. Ace

6. Mandisa

5. Elliott (didn't see one bit of his singing, so I stuck him in the middle)

4. Bucky

3. Chris

2. Taylor

1. Paris - Hate the song.

My mom had the "WHAT!?!?!?" reaction when Taylor was sent back to the couch. Normally, I would react to a surprise like this, but I could not because I barely saw her performance on Tuesday. She was the one who I thought was going to win it all.

Kenny Rogers - man, does he look old. He is unrecognizable now. We saw him in the early 1980's at the Rosemont Horizon (now Allstate Arena). It was the first concert (only arena concert) I ever attended.

Queen next week!!!! YES!!!! I just have to fire up the cassette "Queen - Greatest Hits" this weekend on my walkman. This is going to be interesting. This could be a reversal of this week. Chris - I could see doing. Kellie/Bucky - Interesting.

Now that I am typing this, I have a strange feeling that Ace would do the Constantine and do Bohemian Rhapsody.

I have a thought of what they should do in a future year. The usual 70's/disco...make it a one-hit wonder show of the 1970's. That would be fun, especially the guilty pleasures.

Originally posted by Parts UnknownAccording to DialIdol.com and other spoiler sites, Mandisa, Elliott and Paris are your bottom three, with Mandisa having the lowest number of votes.And that's not based on just one bad night. There was also last week, in which she alienated/pissed off a lot of people with the GOD CAN BREAK YOUR CHAINZ~!! routine.Also, this is interesting: according to the official Idol site news section, next week will be the songs of Queen. Somebody better do "Who Wants to Live Forever?"

I've already vowed to vote for the person who takes on "Bicycle", even if it is Kellie.

Totally shocked at Mandisa getting ousted, even if she has stunk the last 2 weeks. She had IMO one of the best 2 or 3 voices of the top 12 overall. But hey, 2 weeks of poor song selection will do that to you, I guess.

I thought it was a good start to the last season. I watched with my admittedly easy to entertain teenage sons and we thought Dwight on the slack line falling 20 times and getting bloodied was hilarious.