Is it a sex blog? A mommy blog? A bitch & moan blog? Um, . . . yeah. This is my place to be totally honest. In my real life, I feel like I'm always lying to somebody about something. Here, I am totally honest. Brutally so. However, no matter what bad things I say about my kids, I adore them and would never ever really, say, sell them on Ebay. The husband, often referred to as Spousehole, is another story. Oh yeah - if you are under 18 (or if you are my husband), please leave now.

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

WTF . . .. . . is with people who claim to be vegetarians because it is wrong to kill animals and eat the products derived therefrom, but then toast and eat ordinary grocery store (i.e., not special, vegan-store) marshmallows over a campfire? Do they not know that they are eating gelatin and that gelatin is derived from the bones, skin, hooves, and tendons of dead animals? Or do they just make an exception because it doesn't look like an animal? I was a veggie myself for a time, so I feel justified in saying "BE CONSISTENT PEOPLE!" If you are a vegetarian because you don't want to eat animals, lay off the damn marshmallows. That means no rice crispie treats, no toasted marshmallows, no mallo cups, no Peeps. 'K? If you are a vegetarian only because it is healthier and are not taking a moral stand re: animals, have all the marshmallows you want.P.S. This applies to Jell-O too, of course. Apparently some people think that because some gelatins are kosher they are vegetarian. My understanding is that because gelatin comes from hides, bones, and tendons and not FLESH, it is considered pareve: neither meat nor dairy. It may not be animal FLESH, but it is still derived from a dead animal that did not die of old age.

. . . is my problem today? I have a nasty, coughing-from-deep-down-inside cold AND terrible cramps. Hormones and a cold - yea! And to add to my misery: SNOW DAY! That's right - they cancelled school AGAIN. Something about slippery roads. Wimps.

. . . is with guys on "dating" sites (okay, I'm talking about AFF.com here) and such who only send a picture of their equipment, but not their face? And think that telling me that they have a big wang and nothing else is going to make me want to meet them? No, no, NO. I want to know a little about you as a person, I want a recent face picture, I want you to have some idea of proper spelling and grammar (typos are understandable), and treat me like a human being for goodness' sake! Men far outnumber women on these sites and you want to stand out from the crowd. Trust me, if you come off as having intelligence and good manners - you will stand out.

. . . is with my kid today? Boy got to sleep in until 8:30 because of the snow day. Then he got up, took off his pajamas, and has been buck nekkid ever since. I ask if he would like to put some clothes on and he says "No thank you." It's 10 degrees (F) outside, 65 (F) in the house. He's got to be freezing. It's windy and sometimes we can even feel it in the house. Last night I could feel every strong gust blow past me as I lay in bed. This old house (83 years old) leaks like a sieve.

. . . is with Spousehole? When he came home for lunch, I said I needed to run to the store for a couple things while he was there with the kids. I was planning to take his vehicle, since it has the snow cleaned off and was still warm from him just coming here from work. He says "No, the roads are pretty bad yet. You would be better off walking." Walking? Uh huh. The actual temps are in single digits (F) and windchills are -20 to -30. Wind gusts up to 50 mph. Sidewalks mostly not shoveled because no one wants to go out in the cold and shovel. Roads - slippery but plowed. I'm such a dumbass, I actually walked as far as the end of the block before saying "Fuck this" and turning around and getting in Spousehole's car. The roads were not bad at all in the 5.5 blocks from our house to the store. I think the car was the better idea. The eggs probably would have frozen on the walk home :-)

Pink U + UR Hand

A bonus video - just because this is SO hot! Eduardo Cruz - Cosas Que Contar

Eduardo is Monica and Penelope Cruz' little brother, that's why they are in the video. But that's not Monica that Penelope kisses at 4:20 or so; that's Mia Maestro.The lyrics to Cosas Que ContarI'm still here looking for something to biteSo much wind, so many ridiculous peopleI'm still here, no doubt everything is realI'm still walking among hard notes

And kissing you every daywithout knowing who I amYou make night in my lifeA confusion

And kissing you every daywithout knowing whoI keep your smilesTell me what you do... yeah!!

I'm still here, scaredby something that isn'ttoday this sky and ground uniteI'm still here, it turns out everything goes on feetSo much time, so many ridiculous people

And kissing you every daywithout knowing who I amYou make night in my lifeA confusion

And kissing you every daywithout knowing whoI keep your smilesTell me what you do... yeah!!

Without knowing who I am

And kissing you every daywithout knowing who I amYou make night in my lifeA confusion

And kissing you every daywithout knowing whoI keep your smilesTell me what you do... yeah!!--------

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

It's TMI Tuesday! Click the "I kiss and tell" icon to come play with us!!

1. Would you stay in a relationship with an physically unfaithful partner?

It depends. If the outside relationship is over and I believe that my partner would not cheat again, maybe. If my partner is unrepentant and likely to keep cheating, he's gone.

2. Would you stay in a relationship with an emotionally unfaithful partner?

I am in a relationship with an emotionally unfaithful partner, but it won't last.

3. On a scale of 1-10, how important is the recognition of birthdays to you (your's, a friend's, a partner's)?

10 - Very, very important. In my family birthdays have always been a big deal, so I make a big deal about others' birthdays and expect the same in return. Spousehole used to go all out for my birthdays, but stopped after a few years and now rarely even gets me a gift or a card.

4. When you have a "toe-curling" orgasm, do your does curl up, or down?

Edit: Another pet peeve is people who despite constant crowing about males' superior spatial skills AND despite having a diaper genie in constant use in their home for 7 years AND despite there being perfectly clear directions on the bloody label, cannot replace the diaper genie bag refill properly. O.M.G. Just look at it - it clearly won't work properly the way you put it in, will it? It's not M.F. rocket science!

Bonus (as in optional):Name someone famous who you have no sexual interest in but would have sex with just to brag about it?George W. Bush, just to prove he's a total slimeball who doesn't live the values he preaches.

Monday, January 28, 2008

I collect rabbit stuff and books. Lots and lots and lots of books. Here is some of my rabbit stuff:My son collects Thomas the Tank engine things. He has the wooden, metal Take-A-Long, and electric plastic Thomas train sets and lots and lots of accessories:

My parents are antique collectors and dealers, so I grew up in a home filled with fantastic collections of stuff. I've handled some unique, amazing stuff. My dad has some way, way cool things, but a lot of it is so unique that if I tell you about it here people would find the real world me in nothing flat. One of my mom's collections is less unique (she has others that are more specific), so here's something about that. My mother collects Nippon and Satsuma. This is not part of her collection, but is representative of what she collects:

Weird collections from the 'net:(click the picture for more info on each one)

Sunday, January 27, 2008

This is the CD insert for my new band, Chief Superintendent.Our debut album that incredible, magical instrument will be in stores soon!

Okay, so I really don't have a band. Not many bands have need of an out-of-practice oboist with a terrifyingly bad singing voice. Oh well. But you too can PRETEND to have a band, by hooking up with this meme:

Create Your Own Album!

1. Click on this link. The title of the page is the name of your band.

2. Click on this link. The last four words of the final quotation on the page are the title of your album.

How many landlines (telephones) do you have in your house? (In use, that is.)

Four. Three cordless and one corded wall phone (handy if the power is out)

If you have landlines, do you plan on keeping them in the near future?

Yes. I have DSL and they go hand-in-hand

Do you ever call long distance on your landline?

Yes, although we don't have long-distance service on it. We buy long-distance phone cards, 1000 minutes at a time. That lasts us about 3 years.

Do you own a cell phone?

It's 2008 - yes, we have cell phones

Do you consider your cell phone your main line or do you use it strictly for traveling and emergencies?

Whenever I am out of the house and for texting. And for talking with guys who aren't my husband. Otherwise I use my landline.

What brand is your cell phone? What fun features does your cell phone have?

T-Mobile Nokia and it is OLD. Seriously old. The company was still Voicestream when I got the phone - LOL. B/W screen, can't take or receive photos (though if you send me I can get it online. I only recently learned that.) I can IM on it via AOL (I rarely do). It has a few games, some decent built-in ringtones (I can't download ringtones either.)

Sad thing is, I have a Razr that my SIL only used for a while before she switched to using just one cell for work and personal stuff. It's locked to AT&T/Cingular and I have T-Mobile. If I would just send it in to one of the "unlocking" services, I could just pop my SIM chip in and I would be good to go. I just keep not getting around to it.

Can you imagine your daily life without a cell phone?

I'd do okay. I do get frustrated sometimes if I leave my phone at home when I go out. But most of the time I could get by without it.

Blast from the past...

Do you ever remember being on a party line?

No, but I knew people who had one

Do you remember when your phone was owned by the telephone company?

Yes. My parents had phone company phones when I was a kid. They wouldn't get me my own extension in my room because it cost too much to add an extension.

Do you remember having a telephone number with a prefix that was part letters?Ex. MU9-0000.

My mother could only remember her father's phone number by the letter prefix.

Last question...Overall, do you think we're better off for having cell phones or not?

Overall, we are better off. I think it is wonderful to be able to call the police while, for instance, the flasher is still standing in front of you masturbating in the Walgreen's parking lot (actual experience) or call for assistance in the immediate aftermath of an accident. It's wonderful for parents to be able to keep track of their (older) children via cell. Cell phones in and of themselves are great things. It's the people who misuse them that drive me insane. Talking in restaurants and movie theatres (usually much too loudly) annoys me. When I was working, I hated my cell phone sometimes because sometimes I just wanted to be unavailable. If I had to drive to court in another county, sometimes I just wanted some peace and quiet. I didn't want to spend the whole drive talking to my secretary or a client or opposing counsel on some other case. When you work a 12-15 hour day, those pockets of quiet time are precious. Even now, if I don't want to be disturbed, I turn my phone off completely (I know there are people who just gasped at the very thought. The people who aren't sure even HOW to turn their phone off, much less why anyone would ever want to do so.)

So overall we are better off with cell phones, but we need to use them politely in public.

Friday, January 25, 2008

I was shocked and dismayed to talk with a teenager the other day who had never heard of the Mighty Mighty Bosstones. What is this world coming to? Kid was saying how much he likes the Killers (Mr. Brightside, etc.) and ska generally. I was all "Oh no you didn't - The Killers are NOT ska. I like them, but they aren't ska." How did that boy think THAT was ska. Do people not educate their young in these vital matters? He did have an appreciation of Mustard Plug (local boys - their former drummer is a buddy), so I knew the kid was redeemable. I loaned him some Mighty Mighty Bosstones. I figured he should have AT LEAST recognized this one:

Three years ago today, my tiny baby girl came into this world screaming and hollering. She hasn't slowed down since. Here is her story:

In late 2003, early 2004, we decided that we really shouldn't have another child, as Boy and his autism therapies, etc., require a lot of attention. We sold or gave away all my maternity clothes, baby toys and equipment, and baby clothes.

In May 2004, my husband (once again) had no Mother's Day gift for me, so he gave me a roll in the hay instead. Lovely. It had been at least 8 months since the last time. You're stunned, I know.

Three weeks later, we took Boy to the park. As I went to use the park bathroom, I was thinking that my period should be starting anytime now. I had a little cramping and very sore breasts. But my period was late and it's never late. I thought, hmmm, my breasts hurt like this when I was pregnant; but I couldn't be pregnant, we haven't . . . oh sh*t, that's right. We did." When we got home, I surreptitiously took a pregnancy test. Positive. Damn.

I didn't tell Spousehole then. He was trying to get Boy to sleep and I needed to absorb this development before dealing with him anyway. I was truly scared to tell him. He likes life to be neat, orderly, and predictable. Another unplanned pregnancy was none of the above. I chose to wait until morning.

He surprised me. He was stunned, just like me, but took it quite well. And just like before, he couldn't keep his big mouth shut. I wanted to keep it quiet this time, not share our news with the world at just a few weeks. I mean, stuff happens. You don't want to announce your happy news, just to have to explain a few weeks later that it didn't work out. But nooo, he had to tell my parents (who were unhappy, to say the least. My mother felt that she had nearly lost me last pregnancy and she thought this one would kill me for sure), his parents, and random people on the street. Like impregnating me made him some sort of manly-man. (No, it made him a jerky man because he had refused to use a condom. He still has never, ever, worn a condom. Not even for "practice" as a teenager or college student. He was a virgin when he met me, so he hadn't needed one. TMI? Yeah, I guess so.)

This pregnancy was a total 180 from Boy's. I threw up once or twice, had a week or so of nausea, then smooth sailing until December 2004. My due date was February 14, 2005. I went in for a routine check-up and non-stress test the week before Christmas. Spousehole was along (second time the whole pregnancy - he went to almost every visit with Boy; I guess the novelty had worn off). To my surprise, the non-stress test showed I was having regular, fairly strong, contractions. The OB sent me to the hospital. I spent all day there as they gave me drugs to try to stop the contractions and keep me from going into full-blown labor. They stopped the contractions and put me on bed rest.

Bed rest - hah! I had a four-year-old, I hadn't finished my Christmas shopping, I had baking to do, meals to prepare, etc. I couldn't just sit around! Dr. B, my beloved OB, said I had better if I wanted to make it to full term. I also had to take the most horrible drug EVER. It keeps the contractions at bay, but also makes your heart race and keeps you from sleeping. Great. Pregnant, on speed, and forced to lay still. More joy. I was allowed to get up to use the bathroom and take one shower every two days. Hell on freakin' earth. Matthew had to do the Christmas shopping (I hope everyone wanted a no-thought-whatsoever gift card), cookies did not get baked, candies did not get made. I did get up and make dinner each night though. I just wanted one good meal a day. Shhh - don't tell Dr. B.

I couldn't take bed rest until February 14, so Dr. B. ordered a test for lung development and as soon as it showed Girl's lungs were ready for action, I had a planned c-section. Oh, the wonders of the planned c-section! So much better than the unplanned c-section. I walked to the OR on my own, joked with the doctors and nurses, helped catch my husband when he nearly fainted watching the docs give me an epidural - all much better than a 5-in-the-morning-your-baby's-going-to-die c-section.

When they plucked her out, all 5 lbs, 8 oz. of her, she had the cord wrapped around her neck. Twice - just like her brother. Glad I didn't try a vbac. She gave a lusty cry and then glared at me over the curtain (they put up a curtain so you can't watch them fooling around in your guts. Apparently some people find that off-putting. Whatever.) A little girl with a big mouth and an attitude. I was in love. It was 11:15 a.m. on January 25, 2005.

No NICU, no attempted breast-feeding nightmare (didn't work the first time, didn't even try this time), just a healthy little girl. I was up and walking that night, didn't need IV pain meds (just Tylenol!), didn't need a boatload of antibiotics, and I felt great. I was able to go home (okay, my parents' house - they don't have stairs) after just 2.5 days. Yippee!

Today Girl is three years old. She is beautiful and smart. Too smart for her own good. She fights with her brother, then gives him kisses and hugs. She has been developmentally spot-on but remains quite small. People always marvel at how she's "SO TINY!" It was fun at first, but now it's just annoying. She's not a midget, people, she's just small. I'm 5'2" - where do you think she gets it?

Indoor. I've done outdoor, but I prefer an environment where I can control the temperature and humidity and number of insects (preferably NONE). Insects and sex do not mix.

4. In the Jacuzzi or In Bed?

I like both, but the bed is much, much more versatile

5. Bad Sex or No Sex

Bad. I've done no sex for far too long.

6. Dominate or Be Dominated

I can play either way, but lately I want very much to be dominated. To be someone else's toy, to follow his directions, or just lay back and let him play with his toy. (Dominated, but not humiliated. There's a distinct line and I do not want to cross it.)

7. Thigh highs or Bodystocking

Thigh highs, no question. I would look ridiculous in a bodystocking. Those look amazing on tall, very thin women. I am neither.

8. Fast or Slow

Each has it's place, so it is difficult to choose. I'd like one, then the other, then back to the first . . .

9. Rough or Gentle

Rough, no question, especially with my nipples. I'm getting kind of turned on just thinking about that. Though after a rough romp, some gentle lovemaking is kind of nice too.

10. Bite or Suck

Um, yes? Sucking mostly, with a few nips here and there.

11. Role play or Reality

Reality, usually. I often feel silly trying to do role play. But it depends on the partner.

12. Dirty Talking or Dirty Talking To

Is this really an either/or? One invariably leads to the other.

13. Edible panties or No Panties

No panties. Edible undies are just weird.

14. Spanking paddle or Bare-handed

Bare-handed. The sting of skin on skin is much more pleasurable to me. And more personal. Also I bruise easily :-)

15. Landing Strip or Kojak

I go back and forth on this one. Right now, landing strip. But Kojak is nice too. Either way requires regular maintenance and I'm feeling lazy lately. Besides, who's going to see right now?

16. Multiple Sessions or One Good Fuck

Multiple, if we've got the time and he's got the staying/rebounding power. But one good fuck is pretty damn wonderful as well.

17. Moaning or Screaming

I'm mainly a moaner, but that can escalate to screaming on occasion.

18. Older Men or Young Men

Each have their benefits, but if I have to choose I guess I would go with maturity and experience.

19. Threeway or No Way

Threeway - YES! MFM/MMF. Still figuring out if I want to try FFM/FMF. Sometimes I don't like to share.

20. Swing or No Swinging

I would rather have one consistently wonderful lover, so no swinging. As noted above, I'm not always very good at sharing my toys.

Or did you mean this?

Or this?

That type of swinging I might try.

Ah, now. Who to tag?

I tag Rae and Polt, but I invite anyone who wants to play to do so on your blog or in the comments!!

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

It's TMI Tuesday! Click the "I kiss and tell" icon to come play with us!!

1. What was your favorite book as a kid?

Mrs. Frisby and the Rats of NIHM(preteen years)

Watership Down(teen years)

I was also huge into Greek and Roman mythology from an early age. I was kind of a precocious reader.

2. If you were stranded on that proverbial desert island (again!), what book or books (up to 5) would you want to have with you?

Watership Down by Richard AdamsThe Bible (various authors)John Adams by David McCulloughHis Dark Materials box set by Phillip PullmanElizabeth: The Struggle for the Throne by David Starkey

3. What was the first "naughty" book you read and in what way was it naughty?The Happy Hooker, by Xaviera Hollander. I stumbled across this title in my parents' basement bookcase when I was 13. Wow - I learned a lot about things I hadn't even imagined. Techniques, BDSM, fetishes, -- it was quite an education! The only part that I found the slightest bit disturbing was when she got it on with her sister's German Shepherd. That's just weird.

4. If you were to publish your autobiography today, what would be the title?

How It All Went So Wrong

5. Would you rather look at nude pictures/pornography or read erotic fiction and why?

Erotic fiction (or non-fiction!), hands down. I like pictures, but I consume words. Words take me to a place pictures could never go.

Bonus (as in optional):Do you know the whereabouts today of the first person with whom you had sex?

No clue. Last I heard he had married the girl who was his girlfriend at the time we hooked up, but that's all. I suspect he's still in the town where we grew up, living a life of quiet desperation.Edit: I Googled him. He's in a town about 20 miles north of where we grew up._______________________No school for Boy yesterday because of MLKj Day. No work for Spousehole for the same reason. Now there's no school AGAIN today, because of snow and bad roads. As a bonus for me, Spousehole took my car because his wouldn't start. It's going to be a wonderful day, I can just tell.

Saturday, January 19, 2008

This "Poop Post" has been floating around in my head (ewww!) for a while. I debated posting it so soon after FADKOG's poop post. The difference is that hers was light-hearted and amusing. Mine is just pathetic.

My life is all about poop. My children's, my cats', and even now my neighbor's. I'm tired of poop.

My daughter is still not potty-trained. She will be three in less than a week. She can't even wear Pull-Ups, because they don't make them small enough. The smallest ones just fall right off of her, no matter how we adjust them. She's just incredibly tiny for her age. So she is still in diapers and I feel like a total failure as a mother. I didn't feel as bad when her brother wasn't potty-trained at three, because he was a boy and is autistic. Both boys and autistics tend to "get" toileting later than girls and NT (neurotypical) kids. But I feel like a failure with her, especially with my mother and mother-in-law both emphasizing how their daughters were potty-trained well before age TWO.

Spousehole has been neglecting his litter box duties (hee hee - she said "doody"), so I am having to be responsible for cat poo too. And we've got three of the little poop machines.

Boy has been experiencing severe toileting regression issues, i.e., he poops his pants. This is no ordinary poop either. You think you have smelled smelly poop? You haven't smelled anything yet. His smells like mothballs and the stench lingers horribly. If you don't thoroughly wash his poopy undies and pants before putting them in the washer, the whole load (she said load) reeks of mothball poop. I have washed some loads three times before the smell comes out. With all his poopy laundry taking precedence, I have fallen horribly behind (she said "behind") in non-poop laundry. He poops in his underpants and the result is that he is the only one with a reliable supply of clean underwear. Where is the logic in that?

Apparently, other parents of autistic children have reported this mothball-stinking-poop problem. It may be related to an overpopulation in the gut of clostridium. Apparently, the chemical that makes mothballs stink can be produced by clostridium acting on poorly digested casein, the protein in milk. We already have Boy on a casein-free diet, but we know he's been getting some here and there lately. Some researchers have found improvement in poop problems and behavior when autistic kids are put on vancomycin to cut down the clostridium population in the child's gut. Some parents report good success with probiotics. We are trying the probiotics thing right now. Getting them in him is no mean feat - he won't chew chewables and he just knows when we mix things with his food or beverages. He has a doctor appointment soon for his 7 year checkup and we're going to talk to his doc about trying vancomycin and possibly Nystatin. Normally I'm not big on taking antibiotics and antifungals randomly like that, but anything that might help Boy is worth a shot to me.

Boy's behavior has been abysmal lately. He refuses every request we make of him, even if it is something he WANTS to do. He is just being stubborn. Boy just outright refuses to do his work at school. He will be defiant all morning, but then when the teacher tells him he can't have his lunch until he finishes his work, he will do the entire morning's work in just a couple minutes. He's smart and he knows the lessons, he's just being defiant and stubborn. It's horribly frustrating for me and for his teachers. His teacher thinks his pooping his pants is just another act of defiance and she very well may be right.

I babysit my neighbor's 4-year-old a couple days a week. After dealing with my poopy kids all the time, it's kind of nice to have a kid around who can handle his own toileting. Until yesterday. He too pooped his pants (but at least he had the decency to cry about it). Spousehole was home and we flipped for who would get to clean up the latest poopy child in our house. I called heads and won the toss, Spousehole had to clean neighbor boy! I think neighbor boy was completely baffled by the coin toss. He had this "what the heck kind of parents are you people?" look on his face. It was priceless.

Bitching and moaning time is now officially over. Return to your usual amusements. Thank you.

Want to see something SCARY? Click here - Tom Cruise on Scientology Note to Katie Holmes: Take that beautiful little girl of yours and RUN. Hide wherever you have to, heck, come to MY house. Note to Nicole Kidman: Take those beautiful children of yours and keep them away from this nutjob.

Friday, January 18, 2008

This video made by You Tuber BruzinhaK features my homeboy Anthony Kiedis (his dad, Blackie Dammet, lives about a mile from me and his mom lives about 15 miles away). I love how they sneak little Michigan things in - from the obvious like lions and tigers to White Cloud and Huckleberry. I also love Anthony's reason for staying sober, as he relates in his autobiography: because his dog has never seen him high and he doesn't want to disappoint the dog. Whatever works for you, dude.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

After his tirades on Monday night and hitting my baby daughter upside the head, Spousehole was all sweetness and light on Tuesday. He was home for lunch and I needed to go vote. I also had other errands to run. I started packing up Girl to take her with me. Spousehole said that he wanted her to stay. I asked why, since I thought she needed to get out of the house and I had a number of errands to run and wouldn't be able to finish before he would have to return to work.

He said, "Because after last night I don't trust you."

WTF??

He doesn't trust me? He hits my child and acts like an irrational baboon and he doesn't trust me? 'Splain please.

He said that he didn't trust me to be truthful about taking the Girl only because she needed to get out for a while and because I had errands to run besides voting. He suspected that I only wanted to take Girl because I didn't want to leave him alone with her. So he doesn't trust me to be honest about my reasons to take my daughter with me to vote and run errands.

What an idiot. I explained to him that I do have my concerns about leaving the Girl home with him, but moreover I had errands to run in addition to voting (and I showed him the check I needed to cash, etc.) and Girl had been cooped up in the house all morning and was restless. Still he insisted I go vote and leave Girl there with him to show that I could be trusted to trust him with her. Holy shit, what a convoluted way of thinking! To make him happy, I went to vote by myself, then came home and packed up the Girl and took her with me to run my errands. They were alone for about 5 minutes total. What-the fuck-ever.

Even in his contrition for being a total asshat, he can't just say what a normal person would say "I feel that you want to take her because you don't trust me alone with my daughter. That hurts me and I hope that you can see that I will not hurt her in the time it takes you to go vote." No, he can't say that because that would not allow him to accuse me of something. He prefers to phrase it such that he cannot trust me to tell him the truth. So it's not a problem of him being a total fucking asshole the night before, it is a problem of him being able to trust me.

See the type of screwed up thinking with which I am living? OMFG

I have insisted that he get counseling for his anger problems or else get out of the house NOW. I have confirmed that he has a counseling appointment for next week. We'll see if he actually goes.

In the meantime, I am supposed to be gone the next two evenings and he expects me to leave the kids with him. If I don't, he will take it as a sign that he cannot trust me. How twisted is that? Tonight I have a book group meeting, not a big thing. Tomorrow is supposed to be my annual night out (child-free and spouse-free) with my mom's group from church. I really am looking forward to going out to a nice restaurant with "the girls," but will skip it if I feel I can't leave the kids with him. I don't care how that makes him feel. Doofus.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

I wanted y'all to know I did my part in this screwed-up Presidential primary game.

Michigan's primary is today, in case you missed that. It's a colossal mess, however. Our state pushed through this early primary, against the wishes of the Democratic National Committee. As a punishment, they (a) encouraged the Democratic candidates to boycott Michigan and (b) will refuse to seat Michigan's delegates at the convention. Only Hillary Clinton is on the Michigan Democratic ballot, along with Kucinich and Gravel (and Dodd who dropped out). No Obama; no Edwards. If you write them in, your ballot will be voided. The only other choice is "uncommitted." Then if the DNC lets Michigan's delegates vote at the convention, they can throw their support to whoever they choose. Ree-fucking-dick-u-lass.

In the end, it's really just a Republican primary. So I voted in the Republican primary. That's right - as of today I am on record as having voted Republican. Actually, I've voted in the Republican primary before. Sometimes one has to in my area, because in local elections there may not be a Democrat on the ballot and if you don't vote in the Republican primary you don't get a choice at all in whose is elected to office.

Some think that Democrats voting in today's Republican primary will vote for whoever they think is least electable, just to screw with the Republicans. I take things a bit more seriously than that. I voted for the Republican I think I could live with as President. My analysis:

Guiliani - I don't like him personally. I think he showed a lot of ignorance in moving his girlfriend into Gracie mansion before his wife and kids had moved out and announcing his relationship with the girlfriend before he had told his wife. (The girlfriend in question is now the 3rd Mrs. Guiliani.) I actually agree with him on a lot of policy issues, but I think he is a slimeball and therefore would not vote for him.

Romney - I don't agree with his stands on abortion or gay rights. I'm not so impressed with his job as governor of Massachusetts. Plus Mormons are just weird. (Just kidding on that last one. Mostly.)

It's TMI Tuesday! Click the "I kiss and tell" icon to come play with us!!

1. If you could live in any home on a television series, what would it be?

I really, really loved the house the sisters lived in on Charmed. It was a totally cool old house with lots of beautiful woodwork (as portrayed in the interior sets they used.)

2. If you had a clone, what would you make it do so you could have free time?

Clean my house! OMG, it would clean and do laundry 24/7!

3. Who was your best friend when you were 8? When you were 13?

I moved to Michigan on my 8th birthday (I spent most of the day in airports). I had to start anew at making friends. My best friends were Susie and Melissa. Susie had lived in our town her whole life, Melissa was new like me. Melissa and I were the shortest kids in the class, we both had long brown hair, she moved from South Carolina and I from North Carolina and we had very similar first names. We had to be friends, since most people thought we were the same person anyway.

At 13, my best friend was Chick, who is still my BFF nearly 30 years later, although we are having a "thing" right now.

4. If you could travel anywhere, where would it be & why?

I really, really want to see London.

5. Would you hate loosing (sic) your sight or hearing most?

My sight. I lost 95% of my hearing as a child (restored through the miracle of then-modern surgery), so I know I can handle that. I lost my hearing gradually and I learned to compensate so well that some people weren't even aware that I couldn't hear. Including my parents, at first.

Bonus (as in optional): Nature or nurture?I believe in a combination of both. Some things we are born with, some things we learn from our environment. And how we handle the things we are born with depends on our environment.

It is dangerous when we assume all one or the other. For instance, for many years "experts" thought that autism was the result of the child's environment. Specifically, they believed that cold, distant "refrigerator" mothers caused children to withdraw socially and become autistic. We now know that that is a load of manure. (If anything, the cold, distant mothers studied were a result of autism, not a cause; a reaction to a child who resists affection. )

1) Go back through your archives and post the links to your five favorite blog posts that you've written. But there is a catch:a) Link 1 must be about family.b) Link 2 must be about friends.c) Link 3 must be about yourself, who you are... what you're all about.d) Link 4 must be about something you love.e) Link 5 can be about anything you choose.

Monday, January 14, 2008

I just posted a couple hours ago about how Spousehole can be a good Dad when he tries, among other little things.

Things have gone so, so wrong since that, I don't even know where to begin.

The kids were refusing to eat their dinner. That's a frequent thing around here. Spousehole got angrier and angrier. He tried to force the Boy to eat and threatened to hurt him if he did not eat. I mean, he was came around the dinner table and was in the Boy's face, threatening him with a fork full of food. Yeah, that'll get the kid to eat.

Girl was scared and crying because her Daddy was in a rage. So he turned to her and screamed that she needed to eat too. When he tried to force the food into her mouth, she spit it back out. He hit her upside the head with his open hand.

He HIT my tiny baby. She's not even three years old yet.

While trying to comfort my screaming daughter, I laid into Spousehole. He, of course, turned it all around on me.

I spoil the kids, so it's all my fault. He works hard to provide for us and the kids and I don't do anything to support him. The house is not pristine and the children don't appreciate the food provided by his hard work. No one "respects his authority" (yes, I thought of Cartman too). All we do is disappoint him.

Then the real reason for all his anger comes spewing out. He is about to lose his job (he believes) and there's not a damn thing he can do about it.

First of all, he doesn't know anything for certain. He works for a major government contractor. (No, not Blackwater or Halliburton; but you would know their name if I told you). The team of which he is a part is contracted to a local governmental unit. The contract has been put out for bid and it is quite likely that his company will not win the new contract.

However, what usually happens in these cases is that the company that does win the new contract hires at least some, if not most, of the workers for the previous contract holder. This maintains continuity and ensures that someone in the place knows their ass from a hole in the ground.

But Spousehole assumes that he will lose his job. Never mind that he is a key developer in a vital area. Never mind that the top guy for the governmental unit likes him and respects his work.

So he brings his anger and uncertainty home and takes it out on us.

I told him that we cannot live like that. I suggested he go out somewhere and cool off. I suggested that he consider living elsewhere for the time being if he can't control himself around the kids.

He left, slamming the door behind him. A couple minutes later, while I was clearing the dinner dishes from the table, he came back. He stomped upstairs and closed himself in the bathroom. That's where he is now. I assume he is soaking in the tub. Don't know, don't really care.

This past Sunday was the day our church recognizes all the children born or adopted into our church family in the last year. I was a little sad as I realized that seeing all those babies didn't do anything to me. That is, I didn't get baby envy or wish I could cuddle them or wish mine were little again or anything. Nothing. That emotional or biological urge for a baby is just gone. That's a good thing, generally, but I feel a little old too. Rationally and realistically, I haven't wanted more children for a long time, but I kind of miss that little irrational tug I would get when around lots of babies. Does this make any sense at all? Nevermind.

My children are annoyingly tenacious. On the one hand, I want to strangle them for getting into stuff that we have purposely put out of their reach. On the other hand, I have to admire their imagination and drive in their quests to pursue said items regardless. My daughter is only 32" tall, but she finds ways to get to things that I can't reach without assistance. Her (and her brother's) latest "partner in crime?" My kitchen trash can. It's made of oak (with a Rubbermaid 13-gal. can inside). They push it around the kitchen and climb on it to get to what they want. Here's where I found it earlier today:What does it say about me that I was content to just leave it there, in front of the fridge, until I needed to get something from the fridge half an hour later? Spousehole calls it lazy. Perhaps he is right. LOL He has actually tried to devise a way to attach it to the floor so they can't move it. I think we should just instill some discipline in the little monkeys instead of having to cement the trash can to the floor or put things out of their reach. A small difference of opinion around here. But if we try that whole instilling discipline thing, perhaps I can have my step-stool back so I can reach things around here!

My daughter has been driving us crazy for the last couple months asking us to take her to Chi-Chi's. There hasn't been a Chi-Chi's around here for at least a decade, so we were pretty confused. Almost every time we went anywhere, she would say "Go Chi-Chi's?" and then cry and scream when we did not take her to this non-existent restaurant. We even tried to take her to Don Pablo's one night, thinking the kid was jonesing for a quesadilla or something (and we promptly found that Don Pablo's packed up and left town, damn it. Why can't we keep fake-Mexican restaurants around here?). Then we were driving one evening when she began the Chi-Chi's thing. But this time she was pointing out the window and I saw it: Chuck E Cheese's. That was what the poor kid had been saying for months and we didn't understand her! OMG, we feel like the worst parents EVER. Not that we would have taken her to Chuck E. Cheese on demand, because we wouldn't, but because it took us that long to figure out what the poor kid was saying. We suck.

Mentioning my daughter's height above reminds me: My son and I are participating in a study of mothers and children that seeks to discern a connection between maternal weight and obesity in children. We had our heights and weights measured last week for the first time for the study. I have to commend Spousehole for getting Boy onto the scale. Boy was saying "no, no, no" and fighting to stay away from the scale. Then Spousehole got Boy to look at the scale's readout while he (Spousehole) stepped on it. He said "Look, that's Daddy's number." Then he had Girl step on the scale while Boy watched the readout and he said "Look, that's your sister's number. Now let's see what your number is." And Boy climbed right on the scale and was weighed. No fuss, no fight. I was incredibly impressed. I was losing patience with Boy and Spousehole stepped in and got Boy interested and invested in the process so he would cooperate. Sometimes he is a really great Dad.

BTW, my 7-year-old son is only 44 pounds at 47 inches tall. (I feed him, I swear I do.) Girl, who will be 3-years-old on the 25th, was 24 pounds and 32" tall. (I also feed her, I swear). Somehow, my children have thus far escaped childhood obesity despite having a fat Mommy.

Frankly, the way most other Democrats behave embarasses you greatly.
You pride yourself on a high level of morals, and you have a good grasp on right and wrong.
It's likely you think America needs to get back to its conservative, Juedo-Christian values.
Why aren't you a Republican then? Because you believe the goverment helps more than hurts.