I’m More Concerned Over Your Heart

This will be a vulnerable post—but since I’ve gone down the “vulnerable path” in many of my other blog posts I figure what’s another? Besides, most generally, I get someone who thanks me for being real and raw and for helping them sort out some part of their own mess, plus writing out my thoughts helps me process…and if there wasn’t a devotional reflection to go along, I wouldn’t bother making a post at all.

With that, here it goes…

I hate debt!…There! I said it.

We don’t have a ton of it—no student loans, no credit card debt, no lines of credit, etc…BUT we do have a vehicle loan and a house payment. And for nearly two years my goal has been to power pay that car loan off. I “planned” to make the last payment in February 2019, but unexpected medical expenses came about last year when my oldest daughter ended up with a ruptured appendix. Our kids’ health always trumps all. That being said, any money that was to go to the car loan went (instead) to a high insurance deductible…five digits high. That bill is now done and over and we’ve moved on…

This year I planned (once again) to power pay on the vehicle loan, hoping to pay it off sometime next year. But another wrench was thrown into the mix when our youngest daughter ended up sick. This Monday we’ll head to a GI specialist where our girl will have a double scope. They’re checking for Chrons or Celiac, so prayers for answers are seriously appreciated.

I’ve been on edge because she’s been feeling and looking great the past month so I don’t want this to be a procedure that could’ve been avoided. We’ll hit that very high insurance deductible once again. Peace of mind will make it worth it and I’m holding onto the hope that they’ll find the reason to the positive celiac blood-test results from last month, but if they don’t, I’ll be frustrated…I know myself well these days.

If I’m honest I’ve been pretty bitter about all of these doctor bills because it throws off my plan—my plan to finally kick the vehicle loan to the curb—my plan to be one step closer to debt-free—my plan that has caused me to see just how much of a control-freak (about money) I truly am…

My husband is the breadwinner in our house and I take care of the finances, that’s just how we’ve operated and it seems to work. So at the end of last month I toyed with the idea that we should move, and when I told my husband my reasoning he was like, “okay, sure”.

My plan was that if we moved, we have enough equity in our house that we’d be able to pay the hospital bill off, plus pay off the car loan, put a down payment on a different house, and then still have leftover for better health coverage…meanwhile tithing all the while, no worries!

It seemed like the quick, solve-the-problem-right-away-fix.

I scheduled house viewings and we set off to check them out. There were good and bad points to each of the houses, but when it came down to it they were completely missing some of our most desirable features our current home and property offer. Something seemed off about moving, YET in the back of my mind I kept thinking, ‘but God doesn’t want us to have this debt we have, it’s such a burden!’ …However when I spent time in prayer I kept feeling just the opposite; I’ve continually felt this gentle whispering over my heart, “I’m not worried about your financial debt…your greatest debt has already been paid in full by my Son on the cross—I’m more concerned over your heart and your obsession over making debt and money a stress and top priority”…

Ouch! And just to reiterate this truth, God has layed before my eyes scripture to back it up. Through some devotions I’ve recently read I came across several verses to settle my uneasy, anxious thoughts. Matthew 6:34 teaches me that my plans, my worries, and my control-freak mannerism can’t coincide when I claim to trust God, “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”

And Luke 16:13, “No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.”

Yes, the Bible certainly directs us in avoiding debt, but the topics (and theme) of avoiding worry, anxiety, and money-obsession saturate the pages of scripture even more so.

If I can stay focused on God‘s word, I don’t need to get bent out of shape about earthly, material matters. I don’t need to—and shouldn’t—grow anxious over making these payments. God provides, and my heart needs to be thankful we have the means to cover these expenses, regardless of it not being the way I had originally “planned”.

Most important are my faith and my daughter’s health—not any amount of money or debt—after all my greatest debt was already dealt with and paid in full on Calvary…

For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many. -Mark 10:45

For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. -Matthew 6:21

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Author: alimw2013

About For His Purpose~
My name is Alicia and I'm a thirty-something year old who loves Jesus.
Only through God’s amazing grace and mercy I have been redeemed from past regret and shame. Reading His word has allowed me to look past Satan’s forceful lies, to see myself for who Christ says I am in Him.
Through writing I have learned why I made the choices I made in my younger years and I now have a better understanding of why I desire to love God like crazy these days.
Despite my daily failures, God remains faithful always. I am reassured of His unconditional love for me by every ink-drop spilled out on paper, each committed prayer as I cry out to Him, and deep understanding reflected through reading His word as truth.
Yes keeping a blog will make me vulnerable to others’ opinions- there will be some who don’t understand, some who may criticize or judge, but on the other hand if just one piece expressed through my writing grabs someone’s attention and directs them to God, then pouring out my heart in a blog for the world to read is worth it. I choose to glorify Him alone through words streaming across a glowing screen.
And it wouldn’t be fair if I didn’t reveal the fact that I’m incredibly quirky; I’m my loving husband’s best friend, my vivacious kids’ craziest cheerleader and spiritual trainer (3 John 1:4). I love anything farmhouse and rustic style. I think cupping a warm coffee mug in the palm of my hands is more satisfying than the contents within. I share a common obsession with my husband for the mountains, but I would (without a doubt) settle for waves crashing against my legs at the Atlantic Ocean just as well, and I almost always have a Yorkie curled up on my lap while writing.
*All photos are photographed by forhispurpose.blog and therefore may not be stored or photocopied in any manner.
View all posts by alimw2013

24 thoughts on “I’m More Concerned Over Your Heart”

Wow!! Such a thought provoking post! Thanks for sharing this!
Especially loved this line, “I’m not worried about your financial debt…your greatest debt has already been paid in full by my Son on the cross—I’m more concerned over your heart and your obsession over making debt and money a stress and top priority”…so very true!

Oh the debt issue… 😦 Don’t even get me started! We have credit card debt 😦 We struggle with this debt since A) my husband is the sole bread-winner and B) we didn’t get this far in debt entirely of our own making. Point B has been the hardest part of the whole situation for me personally. It’s just so frustrating because if x, y, and z had been done by others then we wouldn’t be in this situation. I won’t go into the reasons why but reading this has definitely confirmed some of the things God has been trying to teach me as well, lol. He provides. Period. He ALWAYS does. So many months I haven’t known how we were going to cover the bills, but He always has a way. I am a control-freak to the max with financial stuff. It’s a good and bad thing. Mostly, I am working on letting go of my stress over it and focusing on Matthew 6:26-27. It has become almost a daily mantra 🙂 So, thank you for writing this. God is at work again and placing all these things in my path to remind me that HE is in control. And He will never forsake His promises to us! God Bless!

I know so well the inward war on this subject. I also know how you feel concerning the health of your own child. For me, taking care of my kids always trumped other commitments. After all, what good am I if I am a dad who neglected his own child? That would certainly not be like my heavenly Father. In the end, either in debt or not, He sees and evaluates the heart. Such a good blog. -Alan

Yes 🙌🏽🙌🏽 He does not want me running around getting the latest gadgets and trends to keep up, but at the same time, I think maybe He was preparing your finances for some of the unexpected bills with your close attention to paying down the debt.

Thanks for sharing! There may be times where I try to make my plan into God’s plan, but like you did, I should listen for the gentle whisper that reminds me that my plans might not be the best, and I need to stop worrying about what I perceive to be so important.

I think the desire for control can come from fear, sometimes subconscious fears from unhealed parts of our hearts. We have a gentle heavenly Father who graciously teaches us, all the while loving us. He wants to heal us, and perhaps these trials that force us to trust Him are part of the healing process. What do you think?
Good job listening to God’s voice! ❤

Thanks so much for sharing this Alicia! Andrew and I are carrying some debt as well. It bugs me to no end because we’re not bringing in enough, so we are going to keep going into debt unless something changes. This isn’t the first time we’ve been in debt. And you know what? Our debts have been payed off before. Andrew’s parents have helped us out, and a friend of the family left us some inheritance that payed of our debts once again. I was thrilled! It felt great to be debt free. Our goal was to keep it that way. We were doing great too. Our Visa balance was payed off monthly. Then health problems got worse. We shut down our business because we couldn’t keep it going, and yep…started going into debt again. I hate it. But I know what you know…God doesn’t want me stressing over this. Actually, I wrote about this in a piece I shared on DailyPS.comhttps://dailyps.com/thank-god-hes-on-the-job/ I wanted to use Psalm 127:1 in this post. It got missed though. But this is why I used the picture of the couple holding hands and the city scape. And why I went with “Thank God He’s on the Job!”

(By the way they are looking for more writers if you want to Branch out.)

Just read it!! Loved what you wrote!…and I really loved this truth:
‘Contributing is important too, but when I write, I am contributing. I have a hard time accepting that this is the truth and that it’s enough, but perhaps this if far closer to the truth than what I’ve been believing.’

Thank you so much for your words Tina!! And I just may have to look into branching out with dailyps, thanks for sharing that also!!❤️