Ripping the piss since 1888

“A murder you say, Mincing? The infernal work of a crazed homosexual no doubt!”

The scene is Homophobe’s study at 221B Hetero Avenue in Whitechapel, East London. The great detective and insufferable bigot is breakfasting at a small table when his loyal friend and staunch assistant, Dr John Mincing, bursts into the room in a state of great excitement:

Mincing – By thunder Homophobe! I bring you the most singular tidings old friend. A male corpse has been discovered in a derelict house in Brixton. The poor chap appears to have been poisoned and there’s the most deucedly strange inscription on the wall, daubed with the victim’s blood. Let us hasten to the scene at once my dear old friend, for I wouldn’t be at all surprised if there wasn’t some infernal and extremely rum skullduggery at work and that the case will henceforth be known as: A Study In Scarlet. For God’s sake come at once Homophobe, for time is of the essence man!

Homophobe – You infernal arse bandit Mincing! Verily you are well-named sir. Mincing by name, mincing by nature! I see through your vile subterfuge sirrah. No sooner will we be alone in that derelict property than you will start rogering me violently over an old sink, stretching the flower of my manhood until my most intimate cavity is flooded with your accursed nancy boy jism! Now get out before I call Inspector Lastrade and have you incarcerated in Newgate for life with other ghastly examples of your depraved, bottom-worshipping ilk!

Mincing – !!!!!

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The Whitechapel Whelk

We are a small, but perfectly formed band of satirists and smudge artists. We neither drink nor smoke. Nor indeed, do we use profanity or indulge in the sinful pleasures of the flesh. Now if you'll excuse me I need to get down the pub before closing time for a few pints and half an ounce of Golden Virginia. Hopefully, I'll have enough cash left to visit the local rub 'n' tug shop later for a massage and a rattling good bunk up with a painted floozie.
All The Best.
Danny SoZ.
Editor-in-chief

LOL! I love Sherlock Holmes! Original stories and film . My favorite film Sherlock is Basil Rathbone… and any reference to Holmes and Watson always conjures up images of Rathbone and Nigel Bruce…. which makes your article a laugh riot! 👍👍

Ah now you’re talking my friend! Rathbone was the quintessential Sherlock, although, I have to say Peter Cushing, and especially, Jeremy Brett were also first rate in their portrayals of the great man. By the way, I see you’ve been walking through an area with clay soil, that you recently played billiards and that you have a neighbour with a pronounced limp 😉

Brilliant deductions Holmes!
Sir Arthur Conan Doyle definitely produced the template for creating an Immortal character!. Pure genius! I think creating great characters is the hardest part of writing. Doyle makes it look and read so easy.

There have been some pretty great radio adaptations of Sherlock Holmes that play on satellite and internet radio. My imagination never lets me down.
It seems like everything on film these days appears to be computer generated. 🙈👎👎