Life is make believe, fantasy given form

Emotional Writing

The first book that ever made me cry was Charlotte’s Web. At age ten, I wept for a dead spider, my tender initiation into literary grief. I still remember the cathartic feeling of those tears and the sense that I’d touched something profound and mysterious to the human experience. Did E.B. White intend to change the course of a little girl’s life? Hmm…the power of books…

As an adult, I earned a degree in pastoral counseling and volunteered in several capacities as a grief counselor. I journeyed alongside children and families who’d suffered the death of a parent or sibling, and the elderly who would soon embark on their own profound and mysterious transitions. The unsolved murder of my youngest brother in 2003 brought the whole experience home, up close and personal.

So, what does this have to do with writing? As a reader, emotional authenticity is key to my immersion in a story. I swear I can tell if a writer is baring his heart on the page, or regurgitating sentiment witnessed on a movie screen. This doesn’t mean that we as writers must personally endure every painful loss that our characters’ experience. Loss is loss, fear is fear, and they’re often transferable with a little imagination (of which we artists have plenty).

What it means to me is that we have to be willing to fully travel those paths when they present themselves, in life, and yes, in those great books (and movies) that strum our heartstrings. We need to be explorers of our emotional pain, brave enough to embrace it, to pick it apart and feel its sting. We need to dig into the fear that underlies our emotional wounds and speaks ultimately to the human condition—that each of us is here only temporarily. That we matter immensely and matter not at all.

There are days of writing and crying, snot-nosed and puffy-eyed, breathing through my mouth with a roll of toilet paper at my elbow. When I write about loss or pain or a main character’s death, I know where my tears originate. I hope that if someday you read such a scene, you’ll be genuinely moved. Then I’ll have done my job.

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106 thoughts on “Emotional Writing”

Thanks for this post which I could really relate to. I often write about grief and have recently started a poetry blog here on WordPress in case you have time to have a look? My most recent post is about mourning. Have a good day, Sam 🙂

Yes, there are authors who connect well with their own emotions so they are able to bring their readers to heights of joy and depths of despair. I have respect for your emotional connection with your characters. You make them come alive with your caring about them, Diana.

I remember that book so well! Reading can have such an impact on a life. Your writing is real and always from the heart! I love this post! I can imagine you doing that job very well and being a natural!

I needed this post right now, as I am reviewing my work in progress to track the main character’s emotional journey. Often the emotions seems so obvious to me, but I’ve learned readers don’t often see it that way. Thank you for reminding me of where the writing needs to come from.

Great comment, Ellen. I agree that when we write we feel the emotions so obviously that we don’t always remember to write them down. Writer’s groups and beta readers are great at pointing those lapses out. Thanks for the visit. Happy Thanksgiving ❤

It’s amazing how writing can do that to us… whisk us away when the pain becomes too much to bear, or bleed it onto the page. Its done both for me. And I truly believe it saved my life and gave me back a modicum of self esteem. I’m sorry for the loss of your brother. It must be so hard to live without justice. Xxx

I’m a believer in karma, Ali. The life of someone who is cruel enough to steal another’s future must be a wretched life indeed. So, on to lighter topic…like crying our eyes out on our laptops (ha ha). Writing is catharctic, isn’t it? We learn from our characters and the stories we need to tell, and hopefully, in the process, touch others as well. ❤

What a fantastic post Diana. I didn’t know you had background in the grief department, and I’m sorry for the loss of your brother. 😦 You’ve demonstrated the point so well about having the feeling of deep emotion come across the page as real and lived. I know this well writing memoirs. ❤

Wonderful post Diana! I also cried over the spider’s death, but was overjoyed at the new life that was created. You are right, it is truly beautiful when a writer can succeed at this. Have a lovely day!

Lovely post, Diana. I can write evil, terror, and humor, but death is difficult for me. I sometimes suffer from depression. I’m working on it. I know its necessary to kill off some characters but If they’re good people it’s hard for me. Many of my characters are similar to cartoons like my aliens. They keep coming back like Daffy Duck. In my memoir, I wrote about the death of my parent’s pet cat and that was hard. I gave a warning to readers as I understand they don’t like the death of animals but life is sometimes heartrending. 😐 — Suzanne

I hear you about how hard it is to kill off characters. I cry and cry and cry. It’s something that we gear up for and suffer through and it’s that authentic emotion that captures the reader. I’m sure your memoir will be full of heart. ❤

Wonderful post, Diana. There’s nothing more satisfying than hitting the emotional high (and low) points that are genuinely moving… when the characters become so real that you want to brush their tears away.

False sentiment stands out by its mediocrity and to read such is a cringe-worthy activity. You’re right though, a writer does not personally have to have experienced the emotions they write about but in writing they have to enter the depths of their characters and live with them, experience their pain, loss, fear to reflect it truthfully. My heart goes out to you, Diana over such horrific and tragic loss of your brother…I read your post about his murder and it has stayed with me ever since. I felt so shocked and devastated I could not comment. In some instances there are no words.

Thanks Annika for the caring comment. It’s been a long time now since Dan’s death, but it still informs who I am and the grief is always accessible to the writer in me, despite plenty of healing. I’m totally with you on false sentiment or lack of sentiment. It’s the main reason I’ll put down a book. Happy Writing, my friend. ❤ ❤

This is beautiful! Charlotte’s Web gave you the heart and tools to do what E.B. White did. Your writing is filled with heart. That’s why your stories are good. Thank you for this post, I so enjoyed the read.

That’s one of the reasons I love hearing about how you engage your students in books, Jennie. Our earliest experiences with books can change our lives as well as give us a lifetime of enjoyment. Cheers!

I can perfectly relate, going on a trail of different emotions while reading books or engaging with people in distraught situations. I willingly admit variations in my emotive journey. There’s a thing about pain. It demands to be felt. On a lighter note, I as well can totally astonish people with my display of emotions while reading and writing.

I like being an emotional person, Lovey, but as you well know, it can be hard at times when we deeply feel the losses of those around us. It does make journeys into books wonderfully rewarding though! Thanks for comment, my friend. ❤

I have been labelled “too emotional or damaged” for being empathetic and compassionate. I like being emotional too no matter what i am labelled as. It certainly gets difficult to balance vibes at times. I have thankfully learned over time to channelize my emotions in right way. I may run out of options, but running out isn’t an option. Everyone has the ability to hurt. It’s the choice that matters. Your writings are beautiful and soothing to my soul. Thank you.

Thanks, Christine. The Little Prince is another great one! I’ve made afew people cry, I’m happy to say (that sounds terrible – lol). Writing humor seems harder to me, but I’ll happily enjoy the talent of others. Have a great weekend.

I have never read Charlotte’s Web. It takes a strong person to allow themselves to be emotionally overwhelmed while reading a story. I know what the story is about. However, I decided I didn’t want to break down sobbing. That is the only reason I haven’t read it. My tastes in reading material were baked in at an early age: Fact based and impersonal.

After I read Charlotte’s Web and cried, I read it again, so I could cry again. Ha ha. My husband is a sap too. During sad movies we sit there and sniffle together. Thanks for visiting and have a great weekend!

Oh wow,the first book I cried reading was “Where the Red Fern Grows.” Then the movie came out and I bawled my eyes out!! I read Charlotte’s Web when I was much older. You are a beautiful, emotional writer, Diana, and it shows. xoxo

Thank you for the sweet comment. I think pain has its uses, not only in writing, but in building compassion and gratitude. Have a lovely weekend and thanks for the follow <3. I'll be over to say hi shortly!

I am so sorry to hear of your brothers murder. How dreadful.
I have always felt drawn to the emotion in your writing which makes sense now. You have lived and experienced a wealth of experiences.
I find some of my most heartfelt, and easiest writing, takes place late at night after a glass of wine. I can tap into emotions that in everyday life I’d not lift the lid of.
Very interesting post. I’d never fully explored these thoughts before.

Thanks for reading, Tric, and thank you for the kind comment. I understand how a glass of wine can loosen the emotions, also the space that the night makes. I find music evocative too. Have a lovely weekend, my friend ❤

I cannot imagine being a grief counselor, Dianne. It would wound me over and over. I think I like cozies because I have trouble not capitulating to the pain and suffering in other stories. You are absolutely right about writing, though–emotion is best when it’s authentic.

This is wonderful Diana, and having read Dark Fey you know that I entirely agree with you 🙂 I’ve written scenes that made me blubber more than any Hallmark commercial ever could, but I always say: If I don’t connect with my own writing, no one else with either, right? 🙂

This is very true, Diana. I feel my best work happens when I tap into that pain and fear. If I just make things up, which I also do, it really isn’t my best work. The hallmark of a good writer is transferring some of that empathy to the readers. You are a master of this, my friend.

Oh dear, I’m sniveling just reading about your thoughts on emotional writing. You are so RIGHT on. I’d like to share your thoughts on emotional writing with my creative writing students. Many times in my classes, a student (or two, and then sometimes the entire class of 8 or so students) begin crying from a read-out loud piece. The original crier is embarrassed, but I always explain that THIS IS REAL WRITING – writing out our pain as well as our joy, and showing (not telling) it. It’s fundamental to good writing, and then good reading. Thanks Dianne, as always, you nail it perfectly.

What a great comment, Pam. In my old writing group, if I could get a writing partners to cry, I was delighted. Ha ha. We are a cruel bunch, aren’t we? Please feel free to share. I’m honored. Have a great weekend, my friend.

Aww. I love it when a books capture the emotion and make us feel it. My husband gives me looks all the time when I’m writing (I’m crying, laughing, growling, frowning). It’s kind of funny overall. Thanks for the visit, Bridget ❤

I just finished, “The art of racing in the rain,” a book written from the perspective of a dog (?) with many details of car racing (what I cannot stand) and I loved it. It made me smile and it had me in tears. Great reading experience.

Sometimes I wonder about sharing such personal info, but writing IS personal in many ways. We are putting ourselves out there in our characters and stories. Thanks so much for reading and sharing your thoughts.