MSD: Tumse na ho paayega. Stuart Little will open the bowling for us. Of course, he will also open the scoring for Pakistan. The remaining overs will be shared between Jadeja, Ashwin, Mohit, Raina, and if needed myself. #CSKRocks

Dhawal Kulkarni: Dhoni bhai, mera number kab aayega.

MSD: Jab tu CSK ka jersey pehen ke soyega. Also, we will ask our other CSK bowlers – Hilfenhaus, Bollinger – if they can change nationalities and bowl for India. What say Duncan, can that be arranged?

Duncan: Why ask me, Srini has all the answers.

MSD: Oh yes, I forgot. Consider it done then. So the bowling looks to be sorted. Bhuvi, Umesh, you have an important role to play as well.

Bhuvi (excited): Just tell us what we need to do.

MSD: Remember the boot camp I put you guys through last week? You guys learnt important skills: fishing, rock climbing, and some other skills that I don’t care to remember now. Anyways, the fishing will come in use. Make sure the boys get good seafood for the rest of the tournament. Waise bhi, Ishant will be vella with his injury. Uska achha time pass ho jaayega.

MSD: Which brings us to the batting. No-hit, errr.. I mean Rohit. I know it is against your ethics to score big more than once in a year. But take one for the team, man. We need big hundreds from you. No fishing outside the offstump.

Rohit: Saala sab mujhe blame karte hai. What about this Shikhar? Even in the nets, he practices twirling his moustache more than I practice getting out.

MSD: Enough fighting you two. Shikhar, shave off your beard. Call Dravid. He is the brand ambassador for Gillette, he will arrange for free shaving kits for you until retirement. And while you are at it, pick up some footwork skills too.

(At this point, Jadeja covers his beard.)

MSD: Suresh, you will play in the CSK jersey tomorrow. That will ensure our team score crosses 100.

Ambati: Don’t you worry, my mom’s Hyderabadi biryani will take care of them.

MSD: Oye, biryani comes to our hotel first! Or else, I’ll open the innings with you and make sure you never get the strike. Remember last year? And now we come to the pretenders. Sorry I meant allrounders. Jadeja, Stuart, Ashwin. Between the three of you, you have to get 150 runs.

Stuart: That is too much. Don’t forget I am from the management quota.

MSD: Calm down. I meant 150 runs when you guys bowl. Your average otherwise is much higher.

(At this point, Ravi Shastri walks in holding a microphone, having forgotten that he is off the camera and is now the director of the team.)

Ravi: Well MS, it’s been a tough tour for you. To my disappointment, none of the matches have gone to the wire. And I’m missing the tracer bullet shots, the pressure cooker situations. For how long will I keep repeating ‘Edgedddddd.. and taken’ when you guys bat? You have not even been tickling the scorers. And the last time I said ‘He has taken the aerial route’ was when your flight landed here.

MSD: Bakwaas band kar yaar, what’s your point?

Ravi: Well, I got my hands on Sidhu’s book of stupidisms last month. Have been itching to use those during your matches, but the games just don’t last that long.

MSD: Chill buddy. IPL is coming soon. You will get enough time on air then. I will also retire midway during our last league match against Zimbabwe, so even I will have time for a commentator’s job. Will come to you for coaching lessons soon.

Ravi: That’s just what the doctor ordered. As always, the IPL will have an electrifying atmosphere, the crowds will get their money’s worth. And remember, the IPL auction is just a day after your match against Pakistan. So the batsmen need to get some runs and the bowlers need to pick up wickets.