61 comments:

100% agreed!! i have 3 girls and I truly do NOT sweat the small stuff..I use to freak out and try to manage everything but realized I was halting their growth and independence.. they will fall..and I will hopefully be there to pick them up! But most importantly have taught them to GET UP!!

I'm 26 and don't have teenage girls yet... twins on the way, so I may have my hands full if they are both girls! I agree that you have to pick your battles and not always sweat the small stuff. I think you're right how some need to be talked to or disciplined, etc, certain ways that may be good for them and not the other child. It's good to hear other people who think that way. I think it is just something that you have to take each issue as it comes and discern the best way to go about it, or let it pass. You really made me giggle with your ending... a tattoo. You left me hanging wondering what it is!

Ok, officially my favorite post! I SO agree with you on your parenting philosophy and acknowledgment that sometimes we fail but that our hearts and intentions are pure! And if I cave to the peer pressure of our crazy friend, I too may have a tattoo next week - yikes! But I will tell my girls, momma is 45 and making this decision.xo~Jill

Well you have not lost my friendship. The teen years have been so much harder than I ever ever thought. Thankfully I have always been close to my four children(2 boys, 2 girls) and that has been our lifesaver a many times. I do not share my personal life (concerning my family) on my blog because I want them to have the security and stability that I am NOT blogging about them. But I can tell you that I have learned to parent very similar as you are sharing here which only confirms to me that we are hearing God's heart. I know you seek Him first in how to mother, and I do too. I have gone through alot with my young adults/teen(my children are age 21,20,18,16)that has challenged my heart of unconditional love to the core. Personally I feared mine getting tattoos. I just have a really difficult time with that they are permanent...meaning forever on your body. The piercings can be removed. My kids are very artistic. My 21 yr. old son began piercing and dying his hair crazy at age 16. He even had 3 inch gauges! Until one ripped and the Doctor just sewed them back up. His ear lobes look completely normal again as if he never even had them pierced. Then he began getting tattoos. I would actually get sick in the beginning. I am thankful that he has a really good tattoo artist and he is very careful about what he chooses to put on his body. Then on my birthday this year he came home with a stomach tattoo of the face of Jesus surrounded by roses and two cherubs for the two children I miscarried. It is so beautiful I cried...just seeing Jesus(such beautiful realistic artwork of Him) on my son made all the anxiety wash away. All that has ever mattered to me is their hearts and I try to see them on the inside rather than the outward appearance. For me, it says alot about the inside of my son that he put on the outside his Lord and Savior. My 18 yr. old daughter has 3 nose piercings and a belly button. The nose ones are so small, tiny little diamonds, that you can barely see them. She plans on getting a few tattoos that she has already designed. My other daughter and son have no desire to pierce or tat. You are right that they are all different and parenting them is not cookie cutter. Well, I think I wrote a book. Sorry about that. I think what has helped me the most in parenting my teens is to always remember that each one of them belongs to God, not me. To trust Him with their hearts and lives.

I admire your bravery to even discuss these things... people get their panties in a wad really easily over such matters. And I totally agree with your perspective. I'm probably one of the most conservative in my peer group, both while growing up and now. With that said...I must admit that I actually had my belly button pierced? Well...really just a hole now since pregnancy won the battle of permanent noticeable marks on my tummy. :) It's totally not a big deal. I think its more about the "why" someone would want one, rather than the actual fact of doing it. If you just want a pretty jewel in your belly while wearing a bathing suit at the beach then who cares? If you want it to flaunt yourself around town in trashy clothing and let it add to the image... well, that's another thing altogether now isn't it. :)

Just when I think I've read my favorite post from you ...... you come up with this one! Wow. I wish I could express myself the way you do. You are sooooo right on the money - and again your are my rock star blogger!!!!!!!! Well said :)

I think that you are a wonderful mother and are doing a fabulous job; your girls have great values and are good girls.

We have had the belly button piercing discussion at our home too. We try not to freak out either when having such discussions; it makes life so much easier! :) We just hope that we can encourage our daughter to make the right decisions in life without trying to make the decisions for her.

I love you to bits Paige! We have the same discussions in our home. In fact RIGHT NOW I am in contact with my nearly 13 year old daughter who is off to the movies after school for the long awaited release of the Hunger Games, and has taken my mascara with her. Secretly. Only... not so secret because its not on my makeup tray and I am speechless with her nerve and misguided appropriation. Grace, communication and truth. Consequence, honor and self respect. Love. Being a mother is the most amazing privilege, it is so enriching to the relationship we have with our own Heavenly Father as we ask for His help!

My children are grown and successful, contributing adults. We did a lot wrong, but we also did a lot right. They don' t come with manuals. You have to trust your instincts and remember you know them best. Your girls all seemed grounded and centered and surrounded by love.

Hey Paige - recently I have been guilty of reading what you write, smiling, agreeing, then not commenting about that validation to you. You should write a book called 'What Paige Did' as it would seem like a best seller to me. Even if not a best seller then a long slow burner like Dr Spock! I think the way you parent is awesome and I often think 'what would Paige do?' when my rapidly maturing 10 year old daughter comes home with whatever that day's issue is.

I had the flip side; I said I might get a tattoo for my 40th birthday and both my kids FREAKED OUT! So it goes both ways. I had them begging me not to. Reverse psychology?! Lou x

I wish I could say *ME TOO!*...on the tat part!! :) THIS is a post that for a long time I will be saying *Did you read what Paige wrote about piercings and tattoos and knowing the hearts of her girls?*

yep, I say if we make it thru these teen years with girls and they come out of it lovin' Jesus with their virginity, morals and a pierced belly button or tattoo it's (the tattoo or piercing)really not on the radar of what is important. My youngest is a sophomore, and in a cosmetology program at her school...she wanted to color her hair (nothing funky, just darker) and I was going to say no, just because it's such a pain to upkeep. I gave in, and figured in the grand scheme, its NOT a big deal. Then she asked for her cartilege pierced. I said no...she kept asking, finally I told her to ask her dad. Knowing he'd tell her no too... and dang it if he didnt tell her if she raised the two B's she has to A's she can do it...she's been busting her butt all semester to bring those B's up. Like my husband said, "B, she's going to be a hair dresser, have you ever looked at the piercings and hair color some of them have...you'd better get used to it. She's a good girl. THATS what matters."

oh, I just love you.really, really love you.{as much as one can love someone they've never officially met}

you are a wonderful mama, and I know every last girl of yours would say the same thing.

poooooor first borns. i'm learning {late} to give grace in my parenting. we've been so much harder on luke than the other two.

major on the majors....what a truly sound piece of advice that I'll hold onto.

after being in youth ministry, tattoos and piercings are the least of things to worry about with our teens, who are facing soooo many other temptations. you know your kids' hearts better than anyone else in their life...

speaking of tattoos....hello miss coolpants. i want a tattoo. bad.i seriously think i want something in greek or hebrew on the inside of my wrist. yes and amen.

You're exactly right Paige. I wish I had been that kind of Mama when my kids were young. I stressed over everything. School, clothes, friends, rooms. I did learn as I got older that most things are just not that important. You pick your battles.When my first daughter got her tongue piereced and a tatoo on her 18th birthday I thought it was the end of the world. When my second daughter got a tatoo and belly button pierce I just shook my head. When my baby daughter got a nose pierce and multiple ear piercings I smiled, said keep it clean and wear solid gold, sterling silver or surgical steel so you won't get infections. (My son never got into any of it.)I wish I could have a do-over. Just do exactly what you're doing.Your daughters are smart, sweet, lovely and have a heart for Jesus. What else in life is important.

PAIGE! crack me up! that last line... lolbut see- this post right here is why I read you blog... learning from those that have gone before me. Hanging on your every word... I shall print this post and reread it every day! lol! seriously. thank you for your words of wisdom. xo

My mom had certain things that were huge NO's for us growing up (Drugs, tattoos, etc...) but in exchange eased up on the things that in the grand scheme didn't really matter - I was allowed to pierce my belly button at 18 and the world didn't end. But becuase she let me do that in exchange I honored her no tattoo policy which I am forever grateful for today!

Love this post! It's nice to hear other Godly women have made (what I consider a big mistake) and also gotten a tattoo (Jill- if you want one, you're 45 & of course you know what you're doing, but can I just say, rub on ones are great & they wear off nicely before a fancy event:-). I got a tattoo a couple decades ago (just a cute little dolphin) and I've regretted it since. My kids are always discussing how they want one too when they turn 18. I try not to freak out & just reply, "the great thing about having a mom who's made (several, but I usually don't add that) mistakes is hopefully you can learn from mine & not have to make your own". :-)Anyway, thank you Paige. Your daughters are all beautiful AND smart. You & Dan have done a terrific job (I even think you could write a parening book. I would preorder:-). So whatever dcisions they make in life from the minor to the major, as long as they continue to keep their eyes on the Lord,everything else is "the small stuff"

So well said, Paige. Every mom needs to read this post...especially as they approach teenage years. I can turn everything into a major around here. Need to remember that above all, I want them to know, love and serve the Lord...not me.

I don't have any children of my own...but I do spend lots of time with teenagers. I agree with the words of this post wholeheartedly. I've learned the importance of not freaking out...no matter what they say. Doing that only encourages girls to get quiet. This means that I'm often freaking out on the inside...but on the outside, I try to be as calm as a cucumber. I'm a big fan of not majoring in the minors either....sometimes easier said than done, but oh so true.

Funny thing....I took my youngest to have her ears RE-pierced recently and my youngest son (11) went with us, he is her best friend. Anyway...she was holding his hand and he was holding mine and a little girl was watching all of us. After my baby got her ears pierced, the little girl asked if my son was going to have his ear pierced too and I jokingly turned to her and said, "Not as long as he lives in my house."Now, having said that...I would most definitely not be happy about any of my sons having anything pierced, that is for the girls and it's ears only (one hole in each ear). I had a recent conversation with my oldest son about tattoos and said I would be a lot happier if he did not get a tattoo and gave him all the reasons why, but that it would not be the end of the world if he did. I know that sounds like shooting off the starting gun to allowing him to have a tattoo, but he is intelligent enough to know what I mean. He's not old enough to have one right now anyway.My children are clear on where I stand on this subject, but I would never let it distroy a relationship.I don't think a piercing or a tattoo is the end of the world. However, I don't like to see anyone covered in tattoos and pierced like crazy.

I enjoy reading your blog. I have 2 wonderful adult married girls, both with great husbands and 2 grandsons. Our oldest got a tat while on spring break during college years, I happened to see it when she came home for the summer. My reaction was at least she had good taste in art selection, questioned her about it and that was it. I love reading about your family, house decorating, etc. Now that my girls are adults you take on a different role with them, they are my best friends, we have fun together but you never stop worrying about them and they still come to us for guidance in a different way. You are a great mother and have fun with those girls. I always tell my preschool parents, remember you are the one in charge, everything else falls into place. Mickey in PA.

Can I just tell you how much I love you and your writing Paige?!! You are a wonderful Mother! I know what you mean about first borns - and being so hard on them - unfortunately for my son, he was an only child so I was never able to "use" all that knowledge on the next child. Love you friend. FYI - I don't have a tatoo! xoxo

I have been following your blog for awhile--and have never commented--and I think this has been, by far, your best post. I am only 29, but I feel like my 'teenage years' weren't that long ago. You remind me of my mom and I think that's why I loved this post so much. I also now have three children, two of them girls, but they're all still babies (and toddlers...and an almost kindergartener) but I already think about these 'big talks' we'll have some day. I think everything you said was spot on for raising children that trust their parents and confide in them. They will always know you have their back and nothing is more important than that. I think you are an amazing mother to four very blessed girls.

My mom lived by "pick your battles" too, and now that I am grown and married, my-oh-my how I appreciate it. I actually DID get my belly button pierced...when I was 16....it ripped out 2 months later because I was a dancer with too much movement and didn't have enough stomach fat to keep it there (oh to have that problem now!) I then got it done AGAIN when I was 20...it got infected and I ended up in the doctor's office to have it removed and be put on antibiotics...the day before I took the LSAT. Nice. The point is, even if she does get it pierced, it means nothing about who she is as a person or who she will become. She will remove it one day on her own. And you will smile and just know it was "one of those things." Now that I'm married, on my own, and 6 months away from being a licensed attorney (praise the Lord law school is almost over), my mom isn't kicking herself for letting that battle go.

Paige, question. Where do you and your girls get all your neat mala bead bracelets?? I have been looking for some and love your white one with the wooden cross on it. Thanks so much and I LOVE your blog!!! Makes me feel normal!!

This is your most brilliant post. My oldest is 11, and I'm getting glimpses of the future...

Thank you for saying you were too hard on Savannah...it is so honest, and is something I see in myself, and I love having a been-there-done-that mom caution me to watch out for that. Gosh, Paige. You write in such a relatable way. You should write a book!

This is your most brilliant post. My oldest is 11, and I'm getting glimpses of the future...

Thank you for saying you were too hard on Savannah...it is so honest, and is something I see in myself, and I love having a been-there-done-that mom caution me to watch out for that. Gosh, Paige. You write in such a relatable way. You should write a book!

Poor first children, huh? We always tell Maddie that she's our practice child. We were worried about her piercing and tattooing when she turned 18 but she surprised us with a tiny little dot of a piercing in her nose (which actually looks quite cute on her) and nothing else! There was a day when she swore she would get the belly button done but she outgrew it. I think you handle these siturations very well Paige and majoring in the majors is brilliant advice.

I love this timely post! My husband and I were just having this conversation about our son who is a sophomore in college and has a "cluster" of tattoos on his ankle! Although we aren't very happy about it, we also believe you have to pick your battles. He is such a kind, wonderful and loving young man and we are so proud of the person he is..the tattoos..well..a bit of self expression isn't the worst thing!

I had to laugh because that post ended quite differently than I thought it would. So funny! And I love your approach to parenting. I have four, and I pay close attention to everything you say. I don't care whether we agree or disagree on things ... I just find reading other mothers' thoughts comforting! :)

beautiful post paige. being a parent is hard work. but it is worth all the ins and outs. your girls are a blessing and they are such good girls with amazing parents. they will all be fine. and i have two.

Love this. One day, a few years ago, it occurred to me that I was making a big deal out of everything when it came to my girls. They were babies at the time, but it became clear to me that my reactions to things would soon determine their reactions, or, overreactions in any given situation. I learned, as you have, to pick my battles. This is a excerpt from one of my first blog posts back in 2009.

"Sometimes that mountain you've been climbing is just a grain of sand" are lyrics from a Carrie Underwood song. They totally spoke to me. Lately, I find the girls seem whinier than usual and everything always seems to be such a big deal. I find it frustrating and exhausting to deal with the constant whining, crying, screaming, tantrums and general drama that comes with having girls. These lyrics spoke to me because I think I often climb a mountain when it comes to dealing with the girls when it really is just a grain of sand. I think their over-reaction to things comes as a direct result of my over-reaction in certain situations. Here's to more grains of sand than mountains in the near future and the wisdom to know the difference between the two."

It's a tough journey, but I am up to the challenge and it amazes me how much I have learned already and how much I still have yet to learn.

Bwahahahaha. I love it. You have a tattoo. Well, just to reassure you (or maybe not), I got a belly button piercing when I was 20. I had really struggled to drop the freshman 15 (Or 25) and when I finally did it, I went out and got my belly button pierced. Not even to show off to anyone. But just I think b/c I was proud of myself for losing weight. I don't know--kinda dumb looking back! But I only wore it for a little while. It rubbed on the waist band of jeans and annoyed me so much! haha! And now I have 2 boys and of course DO NOT wear the belly button ring. it is just a little scar above my belly button. It looks awesome with the stretch marks. ;-) Amber B.

I too, have a tattoo - got it for my 25th wedding anniversary. his name on my right ankle. He was NOT impressed. I am the last person anyone ever expected to have a tatoo. Now (at 49), I have to run by the jewelry store so I won't stop in and have my nose pierced.