You are not Alone

We received an email from a student that said they would be rejected by their best friend if they came out as gay. They said they have known they are gay since elementary school, but the culture they come from is not supportive. It sounds from their message like this student feels really alone, but we know that unfortunatley there are still a lot of people afraid their family or friends might reject them or who come form backgrounds where people are not supportive. Sometimes it helps to know you are not alone.

We are really glad this student wrote to us and we really hope they stay in touch. We hope any others of you who might be facing similar struggles will reach out to us as well. If you are facing these struggles you need and deserve support. We want every student to know that even if it doesn’t feel safe to come to Allen House to talk to someone, you can always be in touch here.

We will be inviting one of our campus partners at the Counseling Center to contribute a message about all of this really soon, so stay tuned. In the meantime, please reach out here or to any of the other resources like the Trevor Project or PFLAG (listed on the right of the blog screen). Take care of yourself. We care about you.

3 Responses to You are not Alone

Thank you so much for sharing your experience. My initial response is: YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!! Even if it feels like and seems like you are right now, there have (and are) experiencing this AND getting through it with the help of others. It’s important to get connected so you don’t feel so alone. Becky identified some great resources below (and I personally love the Trevor Project) and the LGBTQA Center here is such a great support to so many people. They have lots of supports, events, etc. that they offer and most importantly, people who really understand what it’s like to be LGBTQ. The Burlington area also has additional resources (e.g., RUI2 http://www.ru12.org/ , Outright Vermont http://outrightvt.org/wordpress/ , etc.) that are available. And if you’re interested, UVM’s Counseling and Psychiatry Services (CAPS) has staff who are available to talk to and help make connections via groups. CAPS Phone Number is: (802)656-3340 and website is: http://www.uvm.edu/~CHWB/psych/.

the problem is that, as a boy, i will sometimes think of boys or fantasize boys. This makes me feel guity. Different sex they can marry and have a baby, but we cannot create our own babies. This just makes me like an incomplete human being. I really don’t know what to do.

It sounds like you may come from a cultural background where having a family is really important.
Society is often changing, and some things have gotten easier. Adoption is sometimes an option, as is having a surrogate mother. Of course, this is easier in some places than others, and having a family is much more of a challenge (or not as possible) depending on where someone lives.

Accepting oneself as gay can be very challenging, especially when family or cultural values tell us that there is something wrong with being gay. It sounds like you may be in a really difficult place. I am wondering more about the idea of being incomplete. I try to think of a complete person as someone who is happy and accepting of themselves; that can love themselves for who they are. I know that this can be a very difficult place to get to but you are worth it, and you are not incomplete, as much as it may feel like so much can be against you.

Connecting with others in a similar situation can be really helpful, but if that does not feel safe at this time, please continue to reach out here. We are there for you and want to help however we can. Also, please check back, as we will be asking a few others to contribute to more posts on this blog.
~Becky