Base-Wide Alert After ISIS Breaks Into Soldier’s Car

FORT BENNING, Ga. – An Army base in Georgia was placed on Threat Condition (THREATCON) Delta today, the highest force protection measures in the Department of Defense, after a military serviceman reported that the terrorist group ISIS had broken into his car.

The victim, Staff Sgt. Jason Boutros of the Army’s Maneuver Center, reported to military police that his car had been forcibly entered during the night and his stereo and several loose pieces of military gear had all been removed from the vehicle.

“I came out to my driveway this morning, and there was a window smashed on my car,” Boutros told Duffel Blog. Tragically, every single piece of Boutros’ TA-50 gear was in the car at the time, and are presumed stolen.

Law enforcement sources speculate that ISIS may try to sell the stolen equipment at a local pawn shop in Columbus to raise money for additional terrorist activities.

ISIS, a terrorist organization with roots in Iraq and Syria, is responsible for overrunning large parts of the Middle East. It has committed multiple murders and war crimes as part of its goal to create a neo-Salafist caliphate and introduce shariah law to the Persian Gulf region and Chattahoochee County, Georgia.

“We encourage all Americans to report suspicious activity, no matter how trivial,” said Andrew Olek, a spokesman for the Army’s Criminal Investigation Division.

He noted that in response to their recent defeat by Kurdish peshmerga fighters near Kobane in Syria, ISIS leaders had called on their supporters to commit a new wave of aggression against American military personnel, by double-parking in front of their vehicles or slowing down their Internet bandwidth.

A recent incident at Fort Bragg, where an individual was seen driving around the base shouting threats at people, was originally thought to be an ISIS plot, but later turned out to be part of a routine alcohol binge.

On Fort Benning, authorities suspect ISIS has been responsible for a series of petty burglaries and acts of vandalism that have brought the war home to a once quiet community. These include smashing the windows of vacant buildings, keying the cars of high-ranking officers, and taking unauthorized photographs of military spouses from the bushes outside their homes.

Several Army leaders have also linked ISIS to a recent spike in drinking and driving incidents and believe the group may also be running a drug and prostitution ring in the barracks. ISIS is also a prime suspect in an alleged plot to degrade unit readiness by flooding the town of Columbus with dozens of strippers and seedy bars.

Boutros has also asked federal authorities to investigate whether ISIS was also responsible for emptying out his bank account during a recent deployment.