This is a daily account of my ups and downs, my experimentation on helping control my condition, and I hope that it helps put this problem into perspective. If you are bipolar, you are not crazy, and you are not alone. Currently I am not on prescription medicine because of the adverse side effects, so I am trying to change my lifestyle and habits, and hopefully one day I can effectively control my condition.

Friday, January 20, 2012

Berries and bubbly and babies...

Today was busy and not the fun kind. I had a little trouble at the first bank I went today, but it was worked out by the time I hit the second bank. Then, I paid bills until I was broke again. Story of my life. Had so many stops and multi-tasking (paying kids' cell bill while I was waiting to pick up the girl) and stressing that I wouldn't get everything done on time. Everything worked out, and by the time I got home I was ready to relax with my new Scentsy scents. Aromatherapy is my favorite way to de-stress, however that was short-lived.

Once we all went out to dinner and shopping, the chaos ensued. The SO is too high strung and I'm tired of getting yelled at and belittled. Apparently a $20 of Jager is just as important as cleaning supplies and food. I'm frivolous in spending $3 on sponges, I know!

...

Sorry, I had to fight again about the bottle of Jager. It's ridiculous! I am emotionally spent. I can't even avoid my triggers because they follow me like the plague.

Tomorrow my son's friend comes over and spends the night. At least I will get some peace and quiet when SO is at work. I need a break.

The one wonderful thing that happened today was when I laying on the bed typing. I can still lay on the bed on my stomach. I could feel little rumblings and it made me feel better. I wish that I could just grab my kids and go away for awhile. I'm tired of fighting, of the tightness in my chest, and the anxiety/depression. I used to think that it was the hormone changes with being pregnant...now I'm not so sure. Pretty sure my problem is environmental. I miss my happy home.