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Intern and MindFuck: Part II

Disclaimer: This blog is a compilation of accounts by
different students and should not be confused as authors’ personal experiences.
Any resemblance of undermentioned accounts with authors’ personal lives is just
a matter of co-incidence. This blog shall not induce our recruiters to strip us
of our present intern offers.

So habituated I was of searching for reasons of my failure
that I can no longer figure out why I succeeded this time.

And we are back as promised with this second post of the series Intern and
MindFuck. This should clearly exhibit to our recruiter our punctuality and
dedication for work. And now that we
have somehow managed to find an intern our credibility to speak on this topic has
been established. It won’t be an overstatement if we credit our exceptional
resume for our achievements. Thus, we would like to share the ancient secrets of
resume building with our readers.

Part II: CV Confessions

CV is a piece of paper that extensively represents all
the insignificant activities undertaken by the undergrad in highly significant
manner logically oriented to convince the HR that desired internship is author’s
birth right.

Resume Building is the term all undergrads come across in their campus life. All shits that we do are attributed to this highly revered
act. Everything an undergrad does is with an intention of incrementing his
resume. Finally, his activities no longer determine his resume, his resume
determines his activities. And not all can
afford to act too and so many lazy brats come up with ingenious ideas to develop data for
their resume.

“Why are you giving liquor to that bitch?”

“Oye! I can write it as social
service in my resume.”

So, in this post, we present you with an insight of an
undergrads divine act of Resume Building analyzing how different segment of a
resume come into existence.

Aim/Objective:

“To nail the fucking intern” this is what the undergrad has in his mind,
however it is not what he writes there. The more polished form of the
aforementioned phrase is “To seek an internship opportunity to explore my
interest in X.” He doesn't bother about what X is. X is what the company is
interested in, his only interest lies in landing up with the intern.

Academic Qualifications:

The most humiliating part for an average undergraduate (Mind it, average!!) where
reverse chronological order and decreasing order maintain a close resemblance.
Most of the time the undergrad tries to avoid this embarrassment by FONT
adjustments.

Courses Undertaken:

Thar-key1: Dude! What was that course we undertook last semester, the one with
that maal faculty?Thar-key 2: I just remember the figures. I mean those in the
subject code.

If you are an engineering student this situation is not really
an exaggeration considering the multitude of courses that are littered upon an
undergrad whose contents are often rejected by his subconscious mind lost in
perpetual dreams. The only advantage these courses offer is their fancy can be
filled in the resumes to exhibit undergrads profound interest and immense
knowledge in a subject.

Academic Achievements:

For most us here, the one and the only academic
achievement remains clearing Joint Entrance Examination of IIT. A select few adorn
this column with their class ranks, list of scholarships and Olympiads they
have cleared. But, lack of substance can never stop a literary genius, many of
the undergrads fill this column with achievement that at times clearly
illustrate their lost interest in scholarly pursuits,

“I haven’t got much to
write in this column, I shall mention the 100% marks I got in Prep. “

Project and Past Experience:

Well the column is meant to reflect upon the traits of taking initiative,
pursuing your interests and exploring depths of a topic. At times, it
represents resourcefulness and affability of the candidate.

Bond: Abey, what’s your native place called?
Localite: PingPong.
Bond: 'Project in PingPong'Went to the jungles of PingPong
and studied the chemical properties of the trees to determine their industrial usage
in paper production.

From fishing to fucking, the list is always open. It’s not about what he knows;
it’s what he needs to know. Problem arises when the undergrad can’t figure out what are the pre-requisites for a particular intern. The widely accepted solution is paste
a wide list of programming languages and names of all the software you can find
on geeks folder on DC++.

Gawaar1: ee MATLAB kaa hota h?Gawaar2: Must be some sort of dictionary, automatically
figuring out what things mean.

Extracurricular Achievement:

All hopes of an undergrad for an intern rest on this
extremely overcrowded segment of the resume. This is the only portion of a resume
where the author is overwhelmed at the number of options he has. Exceptional
quality literature of this segment is expected to veil the inferiority elsewhere.
The undergrad expects this section to convince the reader of his exceptional
qualities as an employee.

“I know it shows that I take responsibilities but I can’t
write that I carried practical files to the prof’s cabin. I haven’t yet got certificate for that.”

Recommendations/Reference:

It’s is believed that adding a reference to your resume leads to multi-fold
increase in your chances of landing up with an intern. After all, who is a more
trustworthy source then teacher with great experience and daily exposure with
the undergrad? But, seeking recommendation has some inherent risks; so reader's discretion is suggested.

Prof: What!?! You are Vishweshwar Vivek. In the morning lecture, you were Tanuj
Choudhary??PROXY SUCKS.

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About Me

I believe nothing is definitive and thus, I can't really describe how I am. In actuality, how I am to X will certainly differ from how I am to Y. However, due to concurrence of opinion a majority of such X and Ys (my friends) I am forced to believe that I do possess certain traits which is witnessed by most of them. It is indisputable that I am more serious than I should be.
I am dogmatic(they all say and I always disagree, which eventually confirms their acquisition). I am weird and boring(disputable). However everything mentioned can be false as well. It depends on how much you know me..and frankly speaking you never know enough.
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