In the interview podcast, Stephen addressed the question, “How do I find my true calling and make a difference in the world?” This question can be phrased in action terms, “How can I work out how to act in the world in line with my true purpose?”

At the outset, Stephen addresses the very real issue of what he calls, “doubt paralysis”. We can be frozen in doubt, unable to take a step forward and uncertain that what we are doing is the right thing for us to do. This can lead to “paralysed action” – where we are not taking up the numerous opportunities to move forward, but standing still.

Determining a path of action in line with your true purpose

Stephen draws on the famous book, Bhagavad Gita, to provide some guidelines on how to find your true calling and head off on an action path that aligns with it. In the process, he discusses the “four-stage path of action” described in the Bhagavad Gita. I discuss these four stages below in terms of discernment, alignment, release and elevation.

Discernment – ascertaining your true purpose by identifying what is unique about you, your past life and experience and your special skills and talents. An associated question is, “What are you uniquely equipped to do?” The present stage of your life, your location and conditions in your external environment, can point the way for your unique contribution in the world. Meditation practice can help you clarify your true purpose.

Alignment – focusing all your energies on your identified life purpose. Stephen calls this stage “unified action”. It is about aligning all your activities behind your unique calling – letting go of some things you currently do and intensifying your commitment to others that are more aligned to what you want to contribute to the world. Integration or unification of action brings with it a focus and concentration of effort which, in turn, attracts support and resources. You begin to see things that can support your endeavours – things that you did not notice before.

Release – Stephen describes this stage as “letting go of outcomes”. This requires being free of specific goals and avoiding measuring yourself against them. It entails not judging your success by whether or not you achieve specific outcomes. Outcome focus can feed your doubts, particularly if you make a mistake at some point. The release comes from letting go of fixation with outcomes and moving forward in line with your purpose. Desired outcomes will be achieved if you realise alignment with your discerned purpose.

Elevation – Stephen suggests that this stage involves turning everything over to the divine, however you define divinity. If you are not spiritually orientated, it means finding a higher purpose beyond yourself and your activity that you can relate to. This may mean linking into a individual or group that has a purpose aligned to yours but are taking action on a more global basis.

As you grow in mindfulness through different forms of meditation practice, you will gain clarity about your life’s purpose and attract support and resources to enable you to achieve alignment of your activities and release from the shackles of doubt and an outcome focus.

Terry Real, in his podcast interview with Tami Simon of Sounds True, introduced the concept of “relational mindfulness”. He described this as a skill that we can develop through meditation and reflection. It entails being able to be in-the-moment in your interactions within your close relationships and to respond from your “adult prefrontal cortex”, while being conscious of the potential, automatic and harmful response of your wounded child.

Relational mindfulness requires recognising that your close relationship is your “biosphere” – it is integral to your ecology. Terry suggests that “thinking relationally is synonymous with thinking ecologically”. This, in turn, requires humility – recognition of the mutuality of the relationship, moving beyond the hurt of your wounded child and acknowledging your mistakes and the hurt of the other person. It also entails being conscious enough to avoid triggering a negative response from the wounded child of the other person in the relationship.

It takes a lot of self-monitoring and self-management developed through meditation and reflection to achieve the requisite humility. If you can develop self-regulation, you are better able to access your considered, adult response rather than be at the mercy of your compulsive wounded child.

Taking a break to recover and commit to the welfare of the relationship

If, however, despite your best efforts, you are flooded emotionally when you are triggered by the actions or words of your partner, you can withdraw from the interaction. Terry suggests that the adult, considerate way to do this is to state three things:

your need to take a break to deal with your own emotions around the issue under discussion

your desire to re-engage in a reasonable time, e.g. in an hour

your willingness to think about how the needs of both of you can be met.

It is critical to see the conflicted interaction not as an opportunity to win or prove your partner wrong, but as a chance to take care of your partner (as well as gain increased self-awareness). Taking care of your partner may mean apologising (this is where humility helps) and asking what you can do to help your partner or to make good their “hurt”. Accusations targeted at the other’s wounded child only inflame the situation.

As we grow in mindfulness through meditation and reflection we can develop relational mindfulness in our everyday interactions within our close relationships. Meditation practice and reflection on our interactions will help us build a relational mindset and develop adult responses in situations that trigger our wounded child. This relational mindfulness, then, will enrich and sustain our close relationships.

Sounds True provides a wide range of mindfulness-related resources that can be viewed online. These include podcast interviews with experts in mindfulness and online training courses including the audio learning series by Terry Real, Fierce Intimacy: Standing Up to One Another with Love. The transcript for each free podcast interview is accessible online and the interview itself can be downloaded as an mp3.

As Terry pointed out, we all have a “wounded child” persona which is part of our make-up. Our wounded child is easily triggered leading to reactive, thoughtless, compulsive, automatic responses that result from an emotional flooding that Terry describes as the “W-H-O-O-S-H, like a wave that overcomes you”.

The trigger that sets off your wounded child might be criticism, real or perceived. You might have experienced criticism, blaming or accusations as a child from one of your parents. This negative experience contributes to the development of your wounded child – in this case, identified as a sensitivity to criticism which leads to defensiveness on your part. Even to this day as an adult, you may continue to experience criticism from a parent in relation to your clothes, your choice of a partner or your location, thus reinforcing your wounded child and related response.

We each have a wounded child that is easily triggered in a close relationship. For me, “feeling abandoned” is my wounded child – I spent 18 months in an orphanage as a 3-4-year-old and 12 months in a boarding school, 100 kilometres from home, when in Grade 2. These circumstances were beyond the control of my parents – my mother was seriously ill at the time and my father was overseas in Japan as part of the occupation forces.

Getting in touch with your wounded child

Through your meditation practices .you can become aware of your wounded child and how this persona is manifested in your emotions and behaviour in your close relationships. You need to be able to reflect on what triggers you and how you respond.

In this regard, the SBNRR (stop, breathe, notice, reflect, respond) process may be helpful in-the-moment or subsequently when you reflect on what happened when you were triggered.

Michael Robotham, in his psychological thriller, The Secrets She Keeps, provides a perfect illustration of a wounded child in action (Meghan) and the response elicited from her husband, Jack (who was also operating from his wounded child persona). Meghan describes the interaction:

Jack and I [Meghan] had a blazing row about money, which was merely the trigger. It began when I reversed the car into a lamppost, denting the rear hatch-lid. It was my fault. I should have admitted my mistake, but I pushed back when Jack accused me of carelessness. We fought… Jack has a similar stubborn streak, charging into every argument, wielding accusations like a bayonet. Wounded I went low, almost begging him to overreact. He did. (p. 47, emphasis added)

If both parties operate from their wounded child personas, the argument escalates, and the hurt is intensified. One reaction leads to another, as the conflict deepens. This is a lose-lose situation and the relationship itself suffers.

As we grow in mindfulness and reflection, we can become aware of our triggers, the nature of our wounded child and the responses we typically make to “what sets us off”. Beyond self-awareness, is self-management and this requires another set of skills, including “relational mindfulness”, which I will discuss in the next post.

Mindfulness Monthly is a paid service designed to enable practitioners, new and experienced alike, to join and contribute to an ever-evolving, global mindful community. This service is provided through Sounds True and is hosted by Kelly Boys, a Master teacher of meditation practice.

Central to the program are monthly online sessions with leading mindfulness teachers. Diana Winston, co-author of Fully Present: The Science, Art and Practice of Mindfulness, will be conducting the April 2018 session on Forgiveness Meditation. Each monthly session will focus on a mindfulness theme and introduce a meditation practice. It will also provide opportunity for a break-out in small groups to discuss the focal issue, share experiences and ask questions.

The monthly sessions will be supplemented by weekly guided meditation resources covering a wide variety of themes and a private Facebook group to share ongoing practice and learning. Participants in Mindfulness Monthly will have exposure to the latest mindfulness practices, research and relevant neuroscience findings from recognised world leaders.

The online community is designed to connect participants with other practitioners from around the world, develop a global mindful community and provide ongoing support for daily, mindfulness meditation practice.

Participants will have the opportunity to share the benefits of mindfulness meditation as they experience them and to learn new ways to grow in mindfulness. They will also be able to discuss their questions and explore ways to overcome the barriers to daily meditation practice.

Opportunities will be provided to share articles and each month participants will receive a free gift from Sounds True in the form of a complete product. A live, online 75 minute Q & A session will be provided at the conclusion of the monthly sessions.

The organisers are looking to grow the global community of mindfulness practitioners and increase the number of people who can realise the benefits of mindfulness. It is also their hope that participants will reach out to others to support them in their mindfulness endeavours.

In a previous post, I discussed resources for mindfulness trainers – free resources through Sounds True and a paid online training course, The Power of Awareness, by Jack Kornfield and Tara Brach. In this post, I will discuss an advanced course that takes training for mindfulness trainers to another level.

The Mindfulness Meditation Teacher Certification Program

This is a teacher program over two years conducted by Jack Kornfield and Tara Brach supported by global leaders in mindfulness. One of the prerequisites for this certification program is completion of the 7 week, online Power of Awareness Course.

The content of the course is provided mainly by online audio and video training supplemented by two, three-day weekend events with Jack, Tara, guest teachers and fellow international participants in Washington. Where participants are unable to attend the in-person sessions, live streaming is available at the time of each session and the sessions will be available in downloadable video format.

The core audio and video training is augmented by additional presentations by Tara, Jack and globally recognised, guest mindfulness teachers such as Deepak Chopra, Dan Siegel, Eckhart Tolle, Kristin Neff (self-compassion) and Anne Cushman (integration of meditation and yoga). Participants in the certified teacher training program will also have access to the latest research findings on the benefits of mindfulness and specific forms of meditation.

Mentoring in the mindfulness teacher training program is led by Pat Coffey, assisted by highly trained mentors from the Awareness Training Institute. Mindfulness practice will be developed through individual and group mentoring, online training sessions, practice groups with peers, a “self-designed practicum” and home practice of meditation exercises provided in audio format through the program.

Skill development will cover not only a wide range of meditation practices and applications (such as managing pain and suffering, dealing with trauma, handling relationship problems and conflict) but also specific skills to give presentations, mentor individuals and facilitate group sessions with mindfulness learners.

Certification will be provided in the form of a Certificate of Completion jointly authorised by The Awareness Training Institute and the Greater Good Science Center (GGSC) at the University of California, Berkeley.

As we grow in mindfulness, we will experience a desire to share our learning with others to help them also realise the benefits of mindfulness and meditation. In teaching, we can enrich our own learning and practice. The Mindfulness Meditation Teacher Certification Program is designed to give us the credentials and confidence to engage in mindfulness training.

In their report, Mindful Nation UK, the Mindfulness All-Party Parliamentary Group (MAPPG) expressed concern that many people offering mindfulness training to organisations are not adequately trained or not trained at all. When there is any major movement, there are all sorts of people who “get on the bandwagon” to make a name for themselves and/or to make large profits. For example, Reg Revans, the father of action learning, complained that unqualified and unskilled people were offering action learning consultancy at USD$10,000 per day and were in it only for the money.

MAPPG stated at the time (2015) that there seemed to be no recognised way for trainers in mindfulness to gain appropriate training and certification. This gap in training and certification is closing with a number of reputable organisations moving to ensure that people who offer training in meditation are themselves properly trained and certified.

Training and Certification for Trainers in Mindfulness and Meditation

Sounds True, is a multimedia publisher founded by Tami Simon in 1985. The organisation provides resources and training to enable personal transformation with a strong emphasis on mindfulness and meditation.

Resources include free weekly audio interviews with inspiring speakers such as Goldie Hawn, downloads of videos & other publications, and online training tools. These resources are provided to support you in your own mindfulness journey.

The Mindful Nation UK report acknowledged the growth of digital mindfulness training in many organisations throughout the UK and viewed it positively as a means of extending access to mindfulness training in the workplace as well as providing back-up resources for trainer-led mindfulness activities. The report acknowledged, however, that there needs to be more research to support the efficacy of digitally-based programs (p.43).

Sounds True combines the best of both worlds – interaction with mindfulness trainers along with digital delivery – in a series of offerings that are available, some paid and others free. For example, the recent Mindfulness and Meditation Summit, one of a number throughout the year, included video presentations by leading mindfulness trainers such as Jon Kabat-Zinn, Jack Kornfield and Tara Brach with Q & A sessions at the end of each presentation. The summit was offered free during the live presentations by 32 speakers over 10 days, along with guided audio meditation practices. A paid, upgrade option is also available to be able to download the video presentations and additional resources from the completed summit.

Sounds True also offers more formal training for potential teachers of mindfulness and meditation. A paid, online course, The Power of Awareness, offered over 7 weeks by Jack Kornfield and Tara Brach includes live video presentations (downloadable), online library resources and other gifts. The online course offers both interactive and personal study resources:

26 mindfulness training sessions recorded live and available on video for download

Completion of the Power of Awareness Course entitles the participant to a Certificate of Completion provided jointly by The Greater Good Science Center at The University of California, Berkeley and The Awareness Training Institute (ATI).

As you grow in mindfulness and experience its many benefits, you will feel compelled to share your experience and insights with others. One way to do this is to provide training in meditation and mindfulness. However, you really need to have established your own mindfulness practices and undertaken adequate training to be able to effectively helps others as a teacher.

In an interview with Tami Simon, Goldie Hawn explained why she has developed a 10-year habit of meditation and the benefits she gains from this practice. The interview is one of a series of podcasts, titled Weekly Wisdom, available free from Sounds True.

Goldie was introduced to meditation when she was challenged by her quick success – in a direction she had not planned to go career-wise, as she had intended to be a dancer and ended up as a famous actress.

This new-found and unexpected fame put a lot of pressure on her and resulted in continuous anxiety. Her initial challenge was to live up to the expectations of her fans and the carping criticisms of her critics.

Expectations of others can create enormous pressure on anyone who is highly visible in any sphere of life. Yesterday, for example, I watched live a soccer match between AC Milan and a lesser ranked team at the former team’s home ground. The expectations of the thousands of AC Milan’s fans were very loud and clear. They clapped any show of skill of their own team, but were hyper-critical of any mistake particularly where a player lost possession of the football to the opposition. Their critique was vocal and expressive and left no doubt as to their displeasure.

Others’ expectations can be a very real stressor in the life of a famous person as it was in Goldie’s early career. It can also be a stressor in our own lives – the unrealistic expectations can come from parents, in-laws, children or peers.

People think they know you and project onto you capabilities they think you have, along with the expectations that go with their assumptions. It is not only the adoring fans who create this expectation stress, but critics who can often revert to cruel, unkind and unfounded criticisms. So it is easy to lose your way and to lose who you really are.

For Goldie, a key benefit of meditation was to achieve separation by finding her true self, not an image projected by others. She was able to know herself deeply through meditation so she was not caught up in the never-ending trap of trying to live up to others’ expectations. She not only realised what Meng had explained – that you are not your thoughts or emotions – but also that you are not the projection of others’ thoughts and, sometimes, needy emotions.

in finding out who you really are at a deep level, you achieve a groundedness and a strong sense of self-worth that is not captive to the expectations or opinions of others, whether fans or critics. Achievement of this inner calm and solidity is a lifetime pursuit through meditation and mindful practice.

However, as Goldie explains, the starting point is to overcome the fear of exploring your inner self – of gaining insight into you own inner landscape and who you really are. This can be really scary but the benefits are enormously rich and empowering. The challenge, in her terms, is to explore “the Univerity of You”.

As Goldie explains, the benefits of meditation are deep, profound and life-changing because you are able to experience inner calm and clarity when you begin to realise that you exist independent of other peoples’ expectations of you:

…what I was experiencing then was obviously peace, a sense of calm, and an amazing ability to become more of a witness, rather than engage in things that actually I could not change. That was one of the, I would say, very positive effects of meditation for me.

… Beginning to separate that is really important, I think, in terms of where we go in life and how we help ourselves become more clear and more able to make much, much better decisions, when we take ourselves out of the centre of it.

As we grow in mindfulness through mindful practice, we gain a deep insight into our real selves and are able to achieve this separation of our self-identity from the perceptions and expectations of others – and, in the process, experience inner peace and calm.