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I Want to PUNCH OUT my boyfriend's best friend (who's also gay)

Yes! My boyfriend went home for the holidays since school is out and I decided to help out his best friend who was still stuck in town taking exams at the university. I said I'd drive him to the airport one early morning as a kind gesture (read: save him money by not having to park his car at the airport during winter vacation).

This little punk no-showed. I called him to ask him where he was and he didn't pick up. I, then, texted him and asked where was he and to let him know I was outside. He texted, about 30 minutes later, that he forgot to tell me days ago that he was in Rhode Island already (and to my surprised meeting that narcissist Davey Wavey at some charity function. My boyfriend didn't know this -- I checked this punk's Instagram).

I remained calm over texts as I drove to work that morning. He eventually wrote, "Goddamn it, I'm sorry." He isn't sorry. If he was, I wouldn't have to force that apology out of him.

I really do want to punch his lights out. I want to get my hands around his pencil neck and strangle him. (Just thoughts... of course I wouldn't lay my hands on him even though I've been fantasizing about it.)

How do you control your anger? I spoke with my boyfriend he said that his standing me up was "uncharacteristic" of him and that he understands my anger.

I've never really cared to call my boyfriend's friend a "friend," since we're very different personality wise. But, I was always cordial with him because my boyfriend liked him. (BTW, this friend is an escort. Isn't that a red flag? My boyfriend said it doesn't bother him and it might not bother me either if I knew him more. But, come on, isn't that a red flag to maybe keep your distance from him?)

For what it's worth: in the past, this friend always would allude to his size (5'7 and 115 pounds) when he ever felt fear of someone or something. It always stood out to me when he made these comments. Now, after a few days, I'm starting to think that he's been pushing people's buttons for a long time and then plays the "Little ol' me" defense.

"Rarely do we find men who willingly engage in hard solid thinking. There is an almost universal quest for easy answers and half-baked solutions. Nothing pains some people more than having to think.'' - Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

Re: I Want to PUNCH OUT my boyfriend's best friend (who's also gay)

Any advice?

I'd like to get these thoughts out of my head, especially since I am not an angry or violent person.

"Rarely do we find men who willingly engage in hard solid thinking. There is an almost universal quest for easy answers and half-baked solutions. Nothing pains some people more than having to think.'' - Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

Re: I Want to PUNCH OUT my boyfriend's best friend (who's also gay)

It's good you remain cordial. Just next time don't offer. You did your part that one time. Take out your anger on the gym or some past time. I'm just happy you remained cordial. People in my family need to take this hint.

Originally Posted by Saybrooke

I was at the gym once, and this woman was on the elliptical next to me, making motorcycle noises.

Re: I Want to PUNCH OUT my boyfriend's best friend (who's also gay)

Whose idea was it? How was the arrangement made? Was it something that was proposed but they weren't serious about?

My boyfriend asked me to do this for him. And I hate being in a piss-poor mood about this because I don't want to ruin my BF's relationship with him, but c'mon! I'm furious!

Another weird story: It was always awkward between the friend and I despite us having very similar political leanings. (My boyfriend is steadfastly apolitical and his friend is extremely liberal like me, except he actually participates in election campaigns; I just talk about it.) I remember one time I was talking to him in my boyfriend's kitchen and at the time I didn't notice that I had corned him into one part of the kitchen. I just went over to him to tell him that it was good having him over. Out of nowhere he tiptoes up to me and gives me this big hug and a kiss on the cheek. Sounds nice huh? But it wasn't. I could tell then that he panicked and that he was afraid I'd hit him. Believe me, I got that vibe from him.

"Rarely do we find men who willingly engage in hard solid thinking. There is an almost universal quest for easy answers and half-baked solutions. Nothing pains some people more than having to think.'' - Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

Re: I Want to PUNCH OUT my boyfriend's best friend (who's also gay)

Continue to be cordial, but never do him a favor. He sounds like the definition of the word "flake"...

That's a good word for him. He needs to hear it.

You can tell he's lived his whole life having guys tell him how cute he is and he's probably learn to use that to manipulate people into forgiving him.

If it wasn't for trying to keep my BF's friendship intact, I would have cussed his ass out that night he did that little hug and kiss to me.

"Rarely do we find men who willingly engage in hard solid thinking. There is an almost universal quest for easy answers and half-baked solutions. Nothing pains some people more than having to think.'' - Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

Re: I Want to PUNCH OUT my boyfriend's best friend (who's also gay)

Originally Posted by Lostlover

I've never really cared to call my boyfriend's friend a "friend," since we're very different personality wise. But, I was always cordial with him because my boyfriend liked him. (BTW, this friend is an escort. Isn't that a red flag? My boyfriend said it doesn't bother him and it might not bother me either if I knew him more. But, come on, isn't that a red flag to maybe keep your distance from him?)

Could that not be part of your problem with your boyfriend's BFF?

Don't get me wrong.

From what you've described the guy sounds like a self absorbed asshole.

Have you ever wondered what your boyfriend finds attractive in you?

I keed, I keed.

Plainly?

It sound to me like this dude still has designs on your boyfriend, and no amount of "your trying to be nice," or "being his friend" is going to change that.

You're going to be the pussy who gets fucked when they decide to get back together (as friends), and when it's all said and done, you'll just be a foot note in the history of their relationship.

I would suggest that you start hitting the gym, and becoming more like that guy physically, or stop popping off like some jealous bitch who's being played.

If your current boyfriend is still friends with this guy, and you've obviously gone out of your way to accommodate?

Re: I Want to PUNCH OUT my boyfriend's best friend (who's also gay)

Being friendly and being a friend are two different things. You are giving this guy way too much power. If you are jealous of him because of his closeness to your boyfriend admit it to yourself and perhaps your closest friend and move on. You don't ever have to like him. I haven't always liked all my husband's friends, nor has he liked all of mine. We've kept those relationships separate. Eventually they became more peripheral and now we mostly have mutual friends. But keep in mind we all need a trusted confidante.

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."--Dr. Seuss

Re: I Want to PUNCH OUT my boyfriend's best friend (who's also gay)

Originally Posted by Seasoned

Being friendly and being a friend are two different things. You are giving this guy way too much power. If you are jealous of him because of his closeness to your boyfriend admit it to yourself and perhaps your closest friend and move on. You don't ever have to like him. I haven't always liked all my husband's friends, nor has he liked all of mine. We've kept those relationships separate. Eventually they became more peripheral and now we mostly have mutual friends. But keep in mind we all need a trusted confidante.

I'm going to take this advice. I will be friendly without being his friend. That's the best way to go.

BF can't chuck this punk out of his life. They're both in a gay organization on campus and are in the same college eventually trying to go to law school. (BTW: "Friend" wants to be a politician... after his escorting days, of course. #baffled)

My boyfriend is from a small town in North Dakota and his lack of experience with many types of people and personalities hampers his judgement of people. He befriended this "friend" when he first got to the state and even coordinated his schedule with his friend's so they can study together. All along, his knew this guy was an escort, with an 80-something-year-old sugar daddy who has to take his dentures out before sex (Seriously!).

And I'll also tell my BF how I really feel. "Do you mind having him here?" "NO! I don't want him to be here," instead of, "It's okay. I don't mind."

"Rarely do we find men who willingly engage in hard solid thinking. There is an almost universal quest for easy answers and half-baked solutions. Nothing pains some people more than having to think.'' - Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

Re: I Want to PUNCH OUT my boyfriend's best friend (who's also gay)

one thing that life has taught me is to never force a friendship. If a true friendship develops, then it's amazing, and should be cherished. if not, there is probably a reason why there wasn't a click. don't question it, just accept that the universe has different plans for you.. don't force it. don't 'try' to be nice to him. if it's meant to be for you to be friendly, it will happen.

Re: I Want to PUNCH OUT my boyfriend's best friend (who's also gay)

This is an age old problem, you have come btw this guy and his friend.
It is the same in the het world when a guy meets a woman and starts to ignore his best mate.
This guy is just "accidently" fucking you over here and there.
There is not much you can do about it, maybe have a bit of a straight talk to him, other than that, let him see that your relationship is going to survive despite his antagonisation.

Re: I Want to PUNCH OUT my boyfriend's best friend (who's also gay)

Originally Posted by Coward92

Doesn't make it "okay" or "right"

Right. It doesn't make it right or okay, but it's still his choice to do that. He has suckers willing to pay him $300 and in this economy.

But, my BF doesn't even think twice about this when he, himself, has to work and save up to buy things. His friend just drops his drawers and sucks strangers' cocks for about 30 times what my boyfriend would make in the same hour, plus his earnings aren't even being taxed.

"Rarely do we find men who willingly engage in hard solid thinking. There is an almost universal quest for easy answers and half-baked solutions. Nothing pains some people more than having to think.'' - Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

Re: I Want to PUNCH OUT my boyfriend's best friend (who's also gay)

He is an opportunist, but this lifestyle blocks his development as a human being, not to mention the potential chance of being infected with various types of STDs.

He's dropped so many gems when people have alluded to his chances of catching STDs while being an escort. He's said stuff like, "I get tested routinely." Well, what good is testing after the fact?

He escorts on the weekend in SF and Las Vegas for men that will fly him out there just for a few days.

He also calls himself a prostitute and laments about eventually needing counseling to get over this side job of his.

Why doesn't he just stop NOW and get a normal job?

"Rarely do we find men who willingly engage in hard solid thinking. There is an almost universal quest for easy answers and half-baked solutions. Nothing pains some people more than having to think.'' - Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

Re: I Want to PUNCH OUT my boyfriend's best friend (who's also gay)

Originally Posted by Lostlover

Yes! My boyfriend went home for the holidays since school is out and I decided to help out his best friend who was still stuck in town taking exams at the university. I said I'd drive him to the airport one early morning as a kind gesture (read: save him money by not having to park his car at the airport during winter vacation).

This little punk no-showed. I called him to ask him where he was and he didn't pick up. I, then, texted him and asked where was he and to let him know I was outside. He texted, about 30 minutes later, that he forgot to tell me days ago that he was in Rhode Island already (and to my surprised meeting that narcissist Davey Wavey at some charity function. My boyfriend didn't know this -- I checked this punk's Instagram).

I remained calm over texts as I drove to work that morning. He eventually wrote, "Goddamn it, I'm sorry." He isn't sorry. If he was, I wouldn't have to force that apology out of him.

I really do want to punch his lights out. I want to get my hands around his pencil neck and strangle him. (Just thoughts... of course I wouldn't lay my hands on him even though I've been fantasizing about it.)

How do you control your anger? I spoke with my boyfriend he said that his standing me up was "uncharacteristic" of him and that he understands my anger.

I've never really cared to call my boyfriend's friend a "friend," since we're very different personality wise. But, I was always cordial with him because my boyfriend liked him. (BTW, this friend is an escort. Isn't that a red flag? My boyfriend said it doesn't bother him and it might not bother me either if I knew him more. But, come on, isn't that a red flag to maybe keep your distance from him?)

For what it's worth: in the past, this friend always would allude to his size (5'7 and 115 pounds) when he ever felt fear of someone or something. It always stood out to me when he made these comments. Now, after a few days, I'm starting to think that he's been pushing people's buttons for a long time and then plays the "Little ol' me" defense.

It seems to me like you're overreacting. The guy made a mistake but it's nothing so big for you to react like you wanna kill him. Get some perspective, breath, and go do something fun and distracting that gets your mind off this, probably too late to tell you this as you posted that yesterday but the advice could help next time you feel like your anger is getting out of control.

Re: I Want to PUNCH OUT my boyfriend's best friend (who's also gay)

Originally Posted by innocentbychoice

It seems to me like you're overreacting. The guy made a mistake but it's nothing so big for you to react like you wanna kill him. Get some perspective, breath, and go do something fun and distracting that gets your mind off this, probably too late to tell you this as you posted that yesterday but the advice could help next time you feel like your anger is getting out of control.

It seems that way because I didn't articulate how this friend is in real life. He's been self-centered for a while, but I swept it under the rug because it didn't affect me until recently. And, I thought, him being my BF's friend, he'd have enough respect for me to honor his end of the deal by just showing up when he said he would. He didn't and didn't even want to apologize.

Did I tell you that he's terrified of people with HIV/AIDS? And has boasted in my presence about being with 300 men since he was 18?

"Rarely do we find men who willingly engage in hard solid thinking. There is an almost universal quest for easy answers and half-baked solutions. Nothing pains some people more than having to think.'' - Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

Re: I Want to PUNCH OUT my boyfriend's best friend (who's also gay)

Originally Posted by innocentbychoice

It seems to me like you're overreacting. The guy made a mistake but it's nothing so big for you to react like you wanna kill him. Get some perspective, breath, and go do something fun and distracting that gets your mind off this, probably too late to tell you this as you posted that yesterday but the advice could help next time you feel like your anger is getting out of control.

Re: I Want to PUNCH OUT my boyfriend's best friend (who's also gay)

You have a tendency to easily obsess over things that distress you as in the case of this friend and his self-centered personality of freely giving himself to other men for money. For someone who claims to have no interest in this person, you certainly do know a lot of details about his private life. Withdraw yourself from having any involvement with your bf's friend. Definitely do him no future favors. I would say you have the right to tell your boyfriend that you're fine with the two of them being friends, but that you ask that this person is not invited to any activities or places that you two do as a couple.

Re: I Want to PUNCH OUT my boyfriend's best friend (who's also gay)

Mini-update: this friend has come around full circle and is actually pleasant to be around.

I don't know if he matured, but he's mellowed out to the point where you don't mind talking to him about things beyond small talk. He apologized, on his own liberty, for being a douche blaming it on him trying to quit smoking.

He told me it's taking a lot for inner strength to apologize to me and other people he had wronged. I'm thinking it takes even more courage to suck an 80-year-old's cock like he does to pay for tuition.

Whatever. I don't have to like him. He didn't have to apologize, but he did and I'll accept it.

"Rarely do we find men who willingly engage in hard solid thinking. There is an almost universal quest for easy answers and half-baked solutions. Nothing pains some people more than having to think.'' - Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

Re: I Want to PUNCH OUT my boyfriend's best friend (who's also gay)

Originally Posted by Lostlover

Mini-update: this friend has come around full circle and is actually pleasant to be around.

I don't know if he matured, but he's mellowed out to the point where you don't mind talking to him about things beyond small talk. He apologized, on his own liberty, for being a douche blaming it on him trying to quit smoking.

He told me it's taking a lot for inner strength to apologize to me and other people he had wronged. I'm thinking it takes even more courage to suck an 80-year-old's cock like he does to pay for tuition.

Whatever. I don't have to like him. He didn't have to apologize, but he did and I'll accept it.

Why the hell do an 80 yo guy want his cock sucked? That is just cruel by the 80 yo guy.