Saturday, March 4, 2017

Starburst Ice Cream Jelly Beans - AKA Candy-Coated-LIES

I've been against this mix since the day CandyHunting spotted it on the showroom floor. Sure, "Ice Cream Starburst Jelly Beans," may sound great, but this is all flash with no substance.

Look at these flavors! We've got: lemon sorbet, strawberry, orange sherbet, and red raspberry. I like sorbet and sherbet as much as anyone, but they are NOT ice cream. Not only is this mix poorly named, but it's (almost) completely unoriginal! With the exception of red raspberry, these flavors are re-named repeats from the original Starburst jelly bean line-up. I declare shenanigans!I planned on going with my gut, and leaving this product on the shelves, but...I'm a sucker for a bargain. These were on sale at Target for $1.99, so though it'd be interesting to see if my gut feeling about this product was on-the-money.

To give the packaging an "ice cream parlor," feel, they added pastel pink stripes in the background and a few ice cream cones behind the GIANT logo. Since the branding takes up the majority of the packaging, the whole ice-cream-theme feels really tacked-on, which doesn't help authenticate these already mediocre flavor offerings.

Inside we have four different flavors.Lemon Sorbet (yellow) - Starts out with mellow lemon zest notes and a creamy vanilla'd base with a...buttered popcorn and lemon pledge finish? Normally I love the lemon Starburst jelly beans, but this is pretty awful. It's not ice cream, it's not sorbet, it's practically a cleaning product.

Orange Sherbet (orange) - Again, we have a very creamy base, but there are some brighter orange-juice-notes that pop up every now and again. Combined, the flavor profile is reminiscent of orange Flintstones Push-Pops, but also baby aspirin. It's more enjoyable than the lemon, but still, not great.

Strawberry(slightly lighter pink) - Not "sorbet," or, "sherbet." Just strawberry, and what a disappointing strawberry it is. Pink starburst are normally coveted as the BEST flavor of original Starbursts, but this strawberry is a shell of it's former self. It's bland, with a very fake strawberry yogurt flavoring that reminds me of cheesecake and buttermilk. This is absolutely awful and easily the worst in this mix. This goes to show you how OFF this mix is. I mean, when has strawberry ever been the WORST flavor of anything?

Red Raspberry (blue-toned pink) - Starts out pretty pleasant, with the same creamy base, and then some tangier, deeper, berry notes start to come forward. In the beginning it's quite pleasant, and a pretty great representation of raspberry sherbet, but then those weird cheese-notes from the strawberry flavor start to gain momentum and quickly this flavor goes from, "okay," to "NOPE."

This mix SUCKS. I don't think I've ever said that about a product on this blog, but this mix has no redeeming flavors. Normally I have at least one flavor that I can pick out and savor, but all four of these "ice cream" beans are duds. I still have nearly a full bag of these, and I dread having to eat the rest of them.

I went into this with really low expectations, and somehow I'm still disappointed. This is my least favorite Starburst product to-date, and I can't say I'd recommend it to anyone, even if they're on sale. If you're like me, and you're stuck with a bag, maybe use them as colorful Easter vase-filler, or festively-decorate the bottom of your trashcan...which hurts my frugal-soul to say, but these are just that awful.

For the record, I have given these beans to three other people without saying a word about my own opinions, and they were even more disgusted/disappointed by these flavors than I was. One person nearly spat the strawberry bean out onto the floor, so I feel like my taste-buds have been validated.