Reviewing Chinese Democracy is not like reviewing music. It’s more like reviewing a unicorn.

It’s like if Jeff Lynne tried to make Out Of The Blue sound more like Fun House, except with jazz drumming and a girl singer from Motown.

Somewhere in Los Angles, there’s gotta be 400 hours of DAT tape with nothing on it except multiple versions of the “Sorry” vocal. So why is this the one we finally hear? What finally made him decide, “You know, I’ve weighed all my options and all their potential consequences, and I’m going with the Mexican vampire accent.”

Wired magazine has an oral history of War Games, the film that made me realise Dad’s TRS-80 was capable of more than 10 Print: You are a dick and 20: Goto 10. Possibly. That shit’s *still* really, really funny

Kubrick nitty gritty fans should take an hour to watch this, or the time-poor should read this article. It seems Kubrick would often phone people out of the blue to work with him, totally freaking them out in the process – there’s more of this kind of thing in this book.

It is perfectly normal to love the music of Rod Stewart, and not unnatural to feel that appreciating Never A Dull Moment says something essential about who you are; it is, however, pretty goddamn weird to try physically to resemble Rod Stewart while watching him perform in concert.

My own awkward attempts to look like a pop star may or may not include the following:

– Cardigans – perfect for showing off the latest band t-shirt at the gig, these
– A chain and padlock – single outing, EXTREMELY uncomfortable. Sid Vicious must have suffered terribly from rashes
– Leather jacket, natch. Urban rumours said you’d be beaten up for them randomly in the street, though
– Floppy fringes were huge, and got slightly out of control. High school rules stipulated hair must be above the collar – there’s no collar at the FRONT, though is there?
– Paisley shirt – I resisted the other signature ‘Gurus look of waistcoat over bare chest, luckily
– A fawn corduroy Levi’s jacket

Quite a few of these items had to be rescued from Mum’s attempts to ‘disappear’ them in the wash. I’d be greatly interested in comparing notes with Keith Richards on this.