Relational Mindfulness

Intimacy beings with our willingness to erase the myth of separation and see through eyes of love. We have to learn how to “be with” the pretty and not-so-pretty parts of ourselves without needs to do, fix, or change anything.
-Deborah Eden Tull

The practice of Relational Mindfulness keeps us honest by showing us when and where it is difficult to remain present when engaging with others. Sitting alone on a meditation cushion is a wholly different exercise than social engagement, but just as the breath provides an anchor when we sit, deep listening can be our anchor in social interactions.
-Deborah Eden Tull

Deborah Eden Tull grew up in a progressive community of artists and activists, whose motivations contrasted starkly with her Los Angeles surroundings. Yet even in this change oriented environment, she couldn’t help feeling that more was needed in order to effectively address our most pernicious human problems: from personal fear, pride, and stress to social inequality, bigotry, and profit-driven destruction of nature. Tull’s drive to cultivate greater peace and happiness led her at age 20 to Zen Buddhism, here she found meditation to be “a direct means for softening our obsession with productivity and returning us instead to a more vast presence of being.”

Through years of monastic practice (which she later left to teach and practice in society), she learned that the social good is served by moving toward what she calls “we consciousness,” and that this shift is innately a mindful one. Gently, lovingly, she shows how bringing mindfulness to how we show up for ourselves, our dear ones, and our wider communities creates the clarity to live with wisdom and compassion in trying and isolating times. Relational mindfulness, Tull describes, is the antidote to our illusion of separateness—which “fuels a way of life that is unsustainable both personally and globally. Every seed of violence in our world—war, social injustice, planetary abuse, and any ism—stems from the seed of this illusion.”

This book doesn’t promote an intellectual grasp of what mindfulness is and does, nor is any kind of religious belief indispensable to its premise. What it accomplishes is a thoughtful, piece-by-piece consideration of the issues caused by our deeply limited conditioning, by our misperceptions about the world and ourselves—and how we’re capable of realizing our interconnectedness more deeply through relationships. It can be read in a group with shared intention, with a partner, or by oneself. What matters is that we take its compassionate message to heart. In the words of another spiritual teacher and activist, angel Kyodo Williams, “Love and justice are not two. Without inner change, there can be no outer change; without collective change, no change matters.” – Mindful Magazine June 2018 Issue Complete Review

“Eden Tull meets us where we live: in constant interaction with self, other, world. What she offers is both ancient and to the moment. She draws on the Buddha’s timeless teachings, absorbed in her years as a monk, and ripened now by her engagement with the challenges of a society in crisis. Our work together has generated my great respect for her integrity, deepening my appreciation for this marvel of a book.”

–Joanna Macy, author, *Coming Back to Life*.

“Relational Mindfulness is a blueprint to take our mindfulness practice out into every corner of our life. Skillfully weaving practical exercises, personal stories, and illuminating observations, Deborah Eden Tull shows us how we can practice everywhere: personally, relationally, socially, and ecologically. This wise and compassionate book is a wakeup call for our times.”

-Diana Winston, Director of Mindfulness Education, UCLA Mindful Awareness Research Center and author of Fully Present: The Science Art and Practice of Mindfulness

“Relational Mindfulness is water in an increasingly arid landscape. Eden has distilled learning from many years of monastic practice into pure essence, and this book makes that wisdom available to anyone. Its storytelling, practices and exercises will bring anyone great benefit, and they are clear, needed and timely. For greater inner peace, personal alignment and increasing your vital, present and kind experience of life, I commend it to you.”

-Nina Simons

Co-Founder, Bioneers

Director, Everywoman’s Leadership

“Having seen the benefits of relational mindfulness practices over many years, I am delighted to see Deborah Eden Tull’s expansion of relational mindfulness into many new domains. She skillfully brings her unique lens to bear on a range of topics such as internalized racism and technology and offers the reader a helpful and empowering perspective.”