I have a black folder for my tickets. I also keep pictures of my kids, comic strips, and notes customers have left for me in it.

Saturday night (again) I had a table of an older couple and a local couple in my age group. The older man was a borderline douchebag from the moment he sat down. He kept making snide comments that weren’t challengeable, but weren’t really nice either. He snarked on my intelligence, my abilities as a server, my weight, and my appearance, but not enough to make me dump something in his lap; just enough to be an annoyance.

As I was prebusing their table, the younger man asked for their ticket. Since I had my left arm full of plates, I set the ticket folder on their table and started looking for their ticket. Of course it had to be the last one, and when I picked it up, the old fart could see the pictures of my kids.

“That’s HORRIBLE looking!” he nearly shouted.

By then I had closed the folder so I opened it again and asked, “You mean my son’s hair?” (In the picture my son has a mop of curly blonde hair.)

“No! That girl. She’s HORRIBLE looking.”

I wanted to straight out punch him in the face. I’ll tolerate your snarky comments about me because I can see you’re an asshole, but you better keep your mouth shut about my kids.

“My daughter is NOT horrible looking. She is NOT even plain, homely, or average looking. She is a beautiful young lady and you should learn to keep your mouth shut.”

That was the first of four fights I’ve been in with customers this week. Arg.

Your daughter IS a beautiful girl and that guy was a complete jerk. Even if she WAS homely he should have more manners than that. Did he tip? I’d like to think he felt bad and left you an extra-big tip.

The people he was with paid and tipped 10% as do most locals.

When I yelled at him he said, “I didn’t know that was your daughter.” Well who else’s picture would I carry around?! I obviously care about her if I’m carrying a picture. People need to learn to keep their pieholes shut.

My granny once ripped out a hank of hair of a woman who said something bad about one of her sons.

HAHAHAHAHA!

I’d have been livid too. I know it must have been incredibly hard to restrain yourself.

People think they can say any old shit to a server and she has to take it. Then they meet me.

Go ahead and complain to the manager about being a douchebag. I dare you. You may not tip me, but just like the kid who has his weed stolen by a teacher, you’re not going to tell someone in authority either.

OhmyGod I’d so KICK HIS ASS right there in the restaurant. That’s beyond reprehensible and despicable. That’s truly a case for the “He needed killin'” legal defense.

I don’t think a jury would convict me.

That might be the worst thing I’ve read on your blog. That’s inexcusable rudeness and he deserves to be struck for those words.

I grew up around men who were emotionally (and sometimes physically) abusive. They would say shitty things and if you pitched a fit and stood up for yourself, they would say “you just don’t have a sense of humour”. They would take no responsibility for their assholery, it was YOUR fault you “couldn’t take a joke”. My ex-husband (yet another reason why) was a master of this. Well, guess what?! A joke is only funny if more than one person is laughing. People also make excuses for this behaviour: Oh, he’s just *that* way. Yeah well, he needs to find a different way to be around me cuz I’m not putting up with the shit.

Oh hell no. I am all for politeness and not taking things personally, but that is beyond general inconsiderateness. While i would never advocate such things, this is the lesser known reason Visine was invented.

I’ve found sanitizer water works better. It isn’t as traceable. Oh, did I say that out loud?

What an asshole! What makes him think he has the right to say that to you? If he’s a local maybe he can get additives in his food next time. Warn the other servers about that guy’s assholery…The NERVE of some people! And right after you’d pointed out the other picture was your son!

He deserved to have his ass handed to him.

I don’t advocate putting additives in people’s food, but more people need to think it’s a possibility. If people thought there was a chance of that happening I’ll bet a lot of attitudes would change.