"Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all." - Woody Allen

Do you get excited about the weekend? Why? And, what makes Friday so special? Why T.G.I.F.? What do you look forward to most on the weekends? I ask honestly, because I have noticed that a lot of people look forward to the weekend, seemingly because they will rest and be less busy, and yet they cram-pack their weekends with errands and lots of "have to" activities.

How busy are you? Do you take time to take excellent care of yourself? I mean, besides working out and eating "good" food (if you do)? Many people think that working out and consuming mostly clean foods is "good enough" to be considered excellent self-care. I certainly know a lot of people who also think this is enough.

In working with corporate groups, and with my one-on-one clients, I am hearing more and more about sleep deprivation and lack of time to read, write in a journal or have fun; and I just have to ask: What's up with THAT?!!!

If you love being busy AND you feel happy, with an exquisite sense of fulfillment, then perhaps this is the pace you need and desire - if you honestly, truly feel fulfilled in all areas of life.

However, if you feel that something is missing, whether money, friendships, a romantic relationship, time to yourself, a sense of calm, peace and harmony...anything, even if it seems insignificant, it may be time to make a few minor adjustments.

Here are two easy ways to start having more fun, even if you think you don't have time, and you can start now, not wait until the weekend:

Laugh more. Laughter lifts us up, lightens the moment and brings more joy into our lives. Listen to a podcast of your favorite comedian, watch a funny movie or t.v. show, call your funniest friend, or visit your funniest co-worker. Easy, right? And it doesn't take a lot of time.

Make a fun date with yourself. Commit to take some time to go do something you've always wanted to do. Start with the easy, cheap, local "bucket list" item so you will actually do it. Put it on your calendar in ink and go do it. If you want someone else to join you, decide that you will do it whether they can make it or not. Remember, your happiness depends on you, so commit to yourself and follow-through.

Life really is meant to be lived and celebrated, so if you've fallen or knowingly stepped into the trap of not having time, having too much to do, or depending on others for enjoyment and fun, take a step back. Start with something simple, easy and cheap. Knock out all of your excuses by doing the easiest thing.

I'd love to hear from you. Are you having fun? Are you willing to commit to having more fun?

I have tried to write about two different topics this week, and continued to bump into resistance around both. The first required research I didn’t really have time to complete this week, so I decided to table it for a few weeks when my schedule is lighter. The second topic is willingness, and what I find kind of ironic is that I was unwilling to stretch my own thinking enough to embrace the message that I really wanted to convey. Hmmm... This begs the question:

How do we know when it is appropriate to lean back, and how do we know when to push through to the finish?

My personal and coach-y answer is this: It depends.

There are so many times when it makes sense to lean back, soften the lens and see what we might not be seeing (you know, the forest for the trees thing). Actually, it makes sense to always lean back before pushing through. How often do you find yourself rushing to the finish, missing details? Have you ever pushed yourself to finish a project, or to “get over” a hurt, to later find that you have missed important details, or that you continue to feel hurt?

I know I say this a lot, though I also know at the very least that I will benefit from hearing my “steady drumbeat” message again, so I restate: Sometimes we need to slow downto speed up.

This is not the same as giving ourselves permission to quit or to stall progress, to procrastinate or make excuses for not stepping into our powerful genius. This leaning back gives us a moment to scan our energy, find resistance in our thinking (often manifested as physical pain, by the way - perhaps I will write about that another day), then address the resistance and take inspired action.

If you shoot an arrow, you must first get your eye very keenly focused on the target. Once you clearly see your target, you pull back on the bow, re-focus your eye in-line with the arrow, and finally release the arrow in the direction of the target. Imagine trying to shoot the arrow without pulling back on the bow. It would fall to the ground next to your feet, right? What if you take your eye off of the target as you release the bow? The arrow will launch in whatever direction you have it pointed, but will most likely land nowhere near the target. If you have a cramp in your shoulder or neck, how much energy is available to pull back the bow in order to launch the arrow with great speed and precision?

To avoid wandering too far into the metaphor weed patch, I will make this point: If you bump into resistance along the way, sometimes you can power through and just “gitter done,” possibly hampering your best energetic output. If you take your eye off the target (your goals, desired outcome, a dream you are making into your reality) you may miss it by a long shot. If you do not take a moment to lean back so you can get crystal clear on your goal, how will you aim, and will you even see the target? What’s more, how will you prepare yourself to build the momentum needed to get you through to the finish?

So, “it depends” is a simple and complex answer to the question: How do we know when it is appropriate to lean back, and how do we know when to push through to the finish?

It seems that I have circled back to willingness. One way to measure your willingness is by taking action. If you can answer question 2 honestly, and you answer “Yes”, then the easiest and most obvious “proof” is in your action. Here is where I may muck-up the simplicity of “it depends” and contradict myself: Sometimes we need to take a step even if we are uncertain if we are heading in the right direction.

Wait.....didn’t I just say to slow down, lean back, focus on the target? Yes. However, if you are prone to “Analysis Paralysis” (and you know who you are, right?!) and you painfully comb-over every detail, ultimately stalling getting started, let alone making any progress, you might need to look at your target, remind yourself of why you want to get there, and just go for it. This is a kind way of telling you to kick your own backside into gear, with love.

Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. said it best,

“Take the first step in faith. You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.”

When we are very clear on what we want and WHY we want it, then stepping out in faith is easy. Ask yourself those two questions regularly, and write down or speak-out your answers. Breathe life into your dreams and desires every day, and take at least one step toward them. You are actively leaning back and focusing by asking those two questions, so if you continue to ask and answer honestly, you will be performing the delightful dance of slowing down to speed up, and you know what? You’ll launch forward like a rocket. You will. Trust me; I’ve been there, I return there, I re-start there and I manifest from there. Know that you are fully supported in your journey, and have faith in yourself and your abilities. Stepping out in faith requires very little beyond understanding why you want what you want.

Blessings. Gratitude. Love.

If you want to get crystal clear on what you want and why you want it, click here to schedule a powerful coaching consultation.

When I was growing up, my parents and teachers seemed to use the word discipline interchangeably with punishment and consequences, and I used to have a visceral reaction to people telling me that if I wanted something, I merely needed to discipline myself enough to practice my craft every day. Now that I am “all grown up” and have some perspective, I agree wholeheartedly (now that I’ve gotten over my teenaged self’s knee-jerkiness). I’m here to share with you that if you understand why you want what you want, then the simplest way to achieve is to first make the decision, commit, make some adjustments and, finally, refine your habits. In my mind, excellent habits means committing to a certain amount of discipline.

Over the past few weeks I’ve written about making the decision, committing and making adjustments to how you choose to show up. We understand that it takes 21-35 days to create a new habit, so I hope that you have been taking some time every day to practice how you show up, and when necessary, revisit why you made the decision you made (to show up strong, confident, peaceful, etc.)

In my coaching practice, my clients learn a lot about habits. You see, the more we practice our new and good habits, whether for lifestyle, career, or relationship success, the faster we reach our goals. Practicing a new habit is a way to replace an old habit that no longer serves you, and to create an effortless draw toward the success you crave. Simply put: make your own life easier every day by making powerful choices to change your life.

In the interest of keeping it simple, I am offering an easy way for you to refine your choices in how you show up.

3 Steps to Refining Habits:

Choose one new habit. Commit to work and focus on that for 30 days. Of course, there will be other things you will work on, but really focus on and commit to that particular one (eg., taking a deep breath before you speak - every time).

Write it down every day. Breathe life into it by writing it down, or by speaking it out. This renews your commitment to it, and is a disciplined practice.

At the end of the day, celebrate your achievements. At the end of each day, review your day, and make sure you celebrate that you have practiced the discipline of breathing life into your new habit. You can simply say, “I did it!” and that is a celebratory acknowledgement of your success. It IS that simple.

Give this a try. Share your journey with me by leaving a comment below. I would love to hear from you and celebrate YOUR success!

Blessings. Gratitude. Love.

Are you ready to refine your choices? Want to go beyond blogs and videos? It would be my pleasure to set aside an hour to share a powerful coaching consultation with you. Click here to schedule your call.

“Refining is inevitable in science when you have made measurements of a phenomenon for a long period of time.” ~ Charles Francis Richter

Do you ever wonder why things happen?
Do you feel like you need to dig deep, figure 'it' all out, and explain why you feel the way you do? Are you sure of how you feel? Are you allowing yourself to feel your emotions, or are you so intent on finding the explanation or solution that the feelings are lost?

Perhaps it's time to just "G.O.I.", eh?

Obviously, I know it's not that simple, and would never intentionally minimize anyone's experience. However, I read a blog by Nathan Otto this morning that got my wheels turning. He suggested trying something radical: ignore yourself.

Many are so focused on transformation that it may not have registered that the transformation could already be complete.

Are you willing to G.O.I., forget yourself, and feel your way into the next stage of your life?

"The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart." ~ Helen Keller

Getting over it, forgetting the self...perhaps is not easy, but is more accurately described as an exercise in willingness.

I offer 3 simple steps to help you "ignore yourself", and you may find it curious that they all involve turning inward first. They are:

Acknowledge yourself as transformed. NOW.

Believe that you are valuable. NOW.

Offer yourself compassion. NOW.

Just like learning a new skill, playing an instrument or training for an athletic event, this 'G.O.I. thing' takes practice, and practice makes progress. Remember this and you will find yourself feeling so much more fulfilled.

I invite you to ask yourself if you are willing to reach into your heart, allow yourself to feel your feelings AND acknowledge yourself for who you are - perfectly imperfect, valuable, deserving of loving kindness. Oh yes, and you are amazing, just as you are. I value you, and I honor you where you are - NOW.

Lately I have been hearing about a lot about courage and strength. A friend who is going through a difficult time recently said to me, “I just have to be strong and carry on,” which got me thinking: do we really have to be strong to keep going? I would argue that it does not always require strength to keep going. I am reminded of a woman I worked with a number of years ago who was undergoing treatment for breast cancer. At one point, she was very ill from the chemo drugs, and in a moment of frustration and extreme fatigue, she told her husband she felt like she wouldn’t be able to carry on, to which he replied, ‘You have to; we need you.’ She said she experienced a renewed sense of courage to face this disease head-on and to carry on, even in the absence of strength. She was physically and emotionally depleted, and yet she gathered up her might and continued forward. The last I heard, more than 10 years post-treatment, she has been cancer-free and living a very happy, healthy life.

Have you ever asked for help when you felt you didn’t have the strength to carry on?

Have you not asked for help when you didn’t have the strength to carry on?

What kind of outcome did you experience?

Did you learn?

Did you grow?

“Courage isn’t having the strength to go on - it is going on when you don’t have strength.” - Napoleon Bonaparte

Even in the worst of times, we can gather our courage and carry on without strength. I would even argue that one of the most courageous acts we could undertake would be to ask for help when we feel we do not have the strength to face or manage something on our own. We are encouraged to be independent, even fiercely so, and yet, by nature we are interdependent. We need one another at times, and there is much opportunity for growth and learning when we ask for help.

I invite you to consider asking for a helping hand here and there to get comfortable with the idea of receiving. One day, you might truly need someone’s assistance, and you will be primed to accept and receive without resistance. If you are not so sure about this, consider times when you’ve helped a friend or loved one in need. Chances are, you did it willingly and without judgment. Remember the compassion you felt for that person, and offer it to your own self. Be open. Be willing. Ask. Receive.

How do you know when you are experiencing growing pains?
Young children often experience pain in their legs, the cause of which is difficult to pinpoint. Because growing pains is not actually a medical condition, doctors call it a “diagnosis of exclusion”. Excluding other potential maladies or injuries is the first order of business, and by exclusion, many parents find that their child is experiencing the general muscular discomfort referred to as “growing pains”. Consensus in the medical community is that bone growth does not cause pain. However, many children experience more growing pains during the rapid growth stages, into early adolescence. It is understood is that many children experience these pains after a very physically active day, and often for several days and nights in a row. Most doctors agree that the treatment for growing pains is a warm compress, massage and cuddling - a little TLC, if you will (insert winky smile at clever reference to my initials.)

If we piggy-back on a child’s experience of growing pains and the doctor’s diagnosis of exclusion, we may apply this to our own experience as adults. Have you ever gone through a difficult time, and yet all other variables seem to be in place? I certainly have. There have been times when I’ve felt stressed, afraid and overwhelmed, and yet so much good stuff was happening in my life. By process of elimination (or exclusion), I often find that during these times, I am experiencing growing pains - a general discomfort associated with a sustained high level of activity.

Think about it. We grow and stretch, and stretch a little more, and leap and stretch, and duck and dodge bullets, and deftly maneuver around roadblocks every day. When you experience an unexplained sense of discomfort, or possibly pain, which could manifest in the forms of sadness, anger, frustration or apathy (however fleetingly temporary), it is helpful to run through your personal checklist of needs, unmet needs and possible adverse health conditions if you have any. If you turn up empty handed, give a nod to the idea of growing pains. Perhaps you have been so active that your whole being needs to rest and recuperate.

The doctor’s diagnosis of growing pains, and the parent’s remedy is simple: rest, warm compress, massage and cuddling - a little TLC. We often barge ahead in life, rapidly barreling forward, without taking a moment to address some of our basic needs. We all need TLC, love, a massage and the equivalent of a warm compress. Reach out to those who are close to you. Ask for some extra support in the form of kind words, a listening ear, a hug or thoughts/prayer. At the same time, be kind and compassionate with yourself. Make sure you have attended to your needs. Pushing through the pain is sometimes recommended, and sometimes rest and recuperation are just what the doctor ordered. Know yourself well enough to distinguish what you really need.

If you want to learn more about establishing the mindset for growing thru your growing pains and achieving blissful success, schedule your COMPLIMENTARY 30 minute consult.

I am here by your side on your journey, cheering you on, applying the warm compress, and offering a lot of TLC. Know that you are fully supported in your dreams, and you WILL manifest them!

There is a certain beauty in wildflowers that is a little hard to put into words. I first became fascinated with Cosmos (Mexican Aster) when I was in graduate school in New Mexico. The feathery greens, bright punches of color and ability to thrive even under gross neglect seemed so symbolic, and in many ways speaks to stretches of my life experience.

The Cosmos flowers can stand from one to five feet tall and never require support, despite having a relatively thin stem. Cosmos are pest-resistant, and when fertilized, tend to grow more green than flowers. Even after days without water in triple digit summer heat, the flowers remain beautiful, and the green lush.

You may be wondering how in the world I am drawing a connection from neglect-loving, thin stemmed flowers to living an exquisite life. It is simple, and on this lovely Earth Day, it seems fitting to draw some connections from nature.

Appearances can be deceiving. People often appear one way on the outside, yet what is inside is very different. I think of Audrey Hepburn as a shining example of a person who appeared very soft on the outside, and yet was possessed with admirable strength and conviction of character (after retiring from acting, she became special ambassador to the United Nations UNICEF fund helping children in developing nations). We also see the opposite: someone who appears very strong on the outside, and yet is suffering on the inside. In both examples, what we see on the outside is quite different from the real inside story.

You have everything you need, and ample reserves. There are times in life when you may feel depleted, as if you do not have energy or resources to continue. The truth is, however, that we always have everything we need, with plenty of reserves. Think of a time when you did something very physically challenging (for me, running or pushups), and in the moment when you wanted to give up, your body came through for you. You found the extra something you needed to finish, to get where you needed to go, or to feel virtuous about crushing a challenge. Whatever your reasons, my point is simple: often our brains scream at us based on old garbage messages, when in reality we have plenty of energy to keep going.

There is no need to over-protect ourselves or our loved ones; we thrive and grow from our experiences. Sometimes people over-water and over-fertilize their gardens and end up with mushy, squishy mud. The same is true in life. You do not always need to go get more information before taking-on a challenge. You do not always need to gear-up for what lies ahead in order to protect yourself. Sometimes for ourselves and for our loved ones, we really need to learn to let go and trust. Trust ourselves, trust the process, trust our source.

Stand tall, no matter how frail you may feel, no matter how strong the wind. Be flexible and allow yourself to bend, but not break. If you break, you know how to repair yourself already, don’t you? Stand firm in who you are, grounded in that calm knowing, and trust in yourself, the process and your source. You’ve got this.

You see, we are like the Cosmos; delicate yet strong, self-sufficient yet interconnected, vulnerable yet protected, flexible yet firmly planted. Know that you’ve got what it takes to accomplish anything you dream and reach an absolutely exquisite sense of fulfillment and unspeakable joy. You are worth it, and the journey is worth it.

Blessings. Gratitude. Love.

"Love is the only flower that grows and blossoms without the aid of the seasons." - Kahlil Gibran

“Virtue is bold, and goodness never fearful.” – William Shakespeare
I like to live my life the way I like my coffee: bold, strong, multi-faceted and somewhat sweet, with a touch of indulgent, creamy goodness. The above quote really caught me because as I look back over the last few years, I see that through some difficult times and struggles, I have found my rhythm, I am living my life with intention, and I have become bolder. I still have goals I want to reach, and aspirations that need attention. I am a work in progress and have experienced a few blips on the radar screen, but as I observe where I am, I see that I have reached down inside of myself and accessed my strength, even - or maybe especially - in my more fragile moments.

If you really know what you want from life, and you are secure in who you are, you will live your life according to your own principles, and you will get your needs met. Make no mistake, diplomacy is key in most situations, and in no way do I mean to say that you should conduct “in-your-face” confrontations to get what you want from life. The boldness I speak of is derived from internal strength, virtue and goodness that cannot be easily shaken, and possesses a beautiful, warm subtlety.

A friend recently observed that some people’s confidence comes from within and some externalize their confidence to cover up what they are lacking in strength. I understand that one must derive boldness from an internal source in order to go anywhere, let alone to the unknown. In-your-face is abrasive and uncomfortable, and does not represent true strength or courage; in fact, that kind of behavior usually masks insecurities and fear.

I am very fond of quiet strength. I believe that in knowing who we are, solidly grounded in our own foundation, we can be bold. In my youth, I had what I call “fake strength” that presented as cockiness, and a little bit as steam roller. It was a feeble attempt to protect myself from getting hurt, to build a tough exterior and prevent anyone from getting close to me. However, with life experience and maturity, I have learned to be quietly bold, and to let down that barrier and just be myself. To me, boldness sometimes means planting a seed, sometimes I “just do it” in spite of my fears; yet other times, it means standing tall in the face of something that seems threatening or scary.

Have you discovered your bold self? Are you ready to make some progress and move forward? If so, then keep reading. If you want to boldly take yourself where you have never been before, to where you really want to be, try this on for size.

“If you want something you never had, you have to do something you’ve never done.” - Dr. Shaun Marler

1. Listen to Your Inner Voice. It is not always easy to know which way to move or where to place your foot in order to take the next step. It may take some time to figure that out. Take a few minutes to listen to your inner voice, and really listen to what it is telling you.

“Trust yourself. You know more than you think you do.” – Dr. Benjamin Spock

Pay attention to your feelings, what your inner voice, or “gut” is telling you. When you listen to your internal voice, the part of you that really knows what you need, you can then allow yourself to expand beyond the farthest reaches of what your life has been so far.

2. Be Open to the Unknown. If you give yourself permission to expand, you will inevitably open yourself to all the possibilities, including the wide-open unknown. Meditate, write in a journal, take a class, or find another way to provide yourself the creative freedom to broaden your horizons. As you open yourself up, you will learn to listen to yourself more closely. When you have begun to really listen and trust yourself, you will step forward without fear, because beneath fear and uncertainty lies the inner knowledge that always tells you which step you need to take next. So, open yourself up, dig a little deeper, brace yourself in your core, and move forward.

3. Take a Step. When you know what you want, and you hear the inner voice say it is time to make a change, you will put one foot forward, take just one step, and you will know you are safe to continue. You will only get to where you want to be, however, if you make it happen. You must be the one to put one foot in front of the other and walk.

We all struggle and have moments when we are lacking in confidence, for a variety of reasons. Whatever the reasons, know you are not alone, and keep on going. Move yourself forward, learn from your mistakes, and trudge ahead. Take the first step toward your bold self, learn to be quietly bold, and get yourself where you need to be.

Believe in yourself, trust your instincts, and keep your intention clear. When you are confident in who you are, your boldness will be natural, and you will take the first step effortlessly. May you be virtuous and good, bold and fearless in your life journey.

So, many people are writing their reflections on 2012 as the year comes to a close. While I’m not one to jump on the bandwagon, I have to say that I feel the need to do the same and share some of my learning experiences as well.
First, 2012 has been an incredible year for me personally and professionally. I have experienced a number of ups and downs in both areas, have grown tremendously, and feel wiser, stronger and better-equipped for this next year, which is already looking like it will be AMAZING!

While not one to make Resolutions, I am working very intentionally toward some lofty goals that, frankly, scare the hell out of me. Yes... I feel scared. Yes... I feel worried I might fail, and yes, I know I’m not ‘supposed’ to worry and fear failure and all of that. But, I am also afraid of the huge success that is right there at my fingertips; just a smidge. There, I’ve self-disclosed. Now, can we get on with it?

Here’s what I’ve learned in 2012, in completely random order, and yet probably the perfect sequence:

Dating is not for the faint of heart. I’ve heard dating referred to as “feast or famine.” I feel VERY strongly that gorging/starving is really bad for our metabolism. So, I have chosen to just be myself and not play by the rules. That’s my personal wisdom, combined with that of other friends and clients who have experienced this ‘dating thing’. Be yourself in all areas, even if you're in committed partnership or not dating. Enjoy, don’t take yourself too seriously. Go, have fun, study the reflection you see in each person who you attract. Stay detached from any outcome, and remember that each person who comes into your life is there at the right time, for the right reason. There are no mistakes, only opportunities to learn and grow.

Solitude is WAY underrated. While we are social creatures by nature, there are quiet, alone times to be enjoyed, appreciated and savored. Recharge your batteries, do something loving for yourself - read a book, take a long bath, go for a walk, watch a movie or do nothing. Schedule daily solitude, even if 'just' for 10 minutes to begin or end your day. Savor your time to yourself and focus on YOU.

There is room for everyone. There is enough. YOU are enough. Learn to live a life without limits. There is only one thing in life that is obligatory: death. Everything else is a choice. Perhaps that’s a little black and white and even over-simplified, but give it a little time to marinate. You get to choose how you respond to whatever comes your way. There is plenty - love, resources, financial abundance, opportunities, air to breathe. There is always enough, and there is room for everyone. Go, stake your claim, and remember that there are no limits to what you can imagine and manifest.

Have fun every day. Make something up. Laugh at yourself. Make a game out of something totally boring or tedious. Life is too short for bullsh...oh, that’s the next bit of wisdom. Life is meant for living, so GO LIVE IT!

Life is too short for bullshit, so stop making it and stop taking it. ‘Nuf said.

Stop making RESOLUTIONS! Choose right now to set the intention you desire for yourself for the next year, for the next five, for your whole life. Write your own Vision of Success (or talk to me about it and I’ll help you) and rather than plan every little detail based on something that feels like an obligation, choose how to re-write or update your story, and make it happen. When you know what you want and WHY you want it, ‘making it happen’ willfeel effortless.

I wish you the best as you enter the newest chapter of your life, this new year. I invite you to take advantage of some free offers to get the new year started. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, enter your information in the form at the top right corner and you’ll gain access to EXCLUSIVE FREEBIES.*

Happy New Year!!! Best of success to you in 2013 and always!

Blessings. Gratitude. Love.

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