Conservatives Commentators Call For Malcolm Turnbull To Be Tried For Treason

Speaking off the record, a conservative commentator, whom we shall refer to as AB, told The (un)Australian of their anger toward Turnbull, saying: “Malcolm’s just not one of us. I mean Mr Abbott successfully put a vote for marriage equality on the back burner and what does Malcolm do?

“He brings it back to the table, hang him it’s the only way to deal with malcontents.”

When pushed on whether simply demoting Mr Turnbull would be enough, AB responded: “Absolutely not, he has form, a swift trial and a public hanging is the only way forward. The people will support this, after all 51% of radio station JJJ listeners support capital punishment.”

When reached for comment, Mr Abbott initially laughed off the suggestion. But when pushed, the Prime Minister said: “I respect the opinion of conservative commentators, they are my friends, as is Mr Turnbull and whilst I disagree with almost everything he says I like that we as a party are free to disagree, as long as it doesn’t reveal we have a conscience.”

Mr Turnbull could not be reached for comment as it is rumoured he is in Syria trying to broker a peace deal that in the words of AB would simply weaken the Government.