04.23.11

Pay no heed to those who’d hail Ike Davis, Mike Pelfrey or Chris Capuano for the past 48 hours of New York Mets competency; according to the New York Times’ David Waldstein, the Amazins’ 2-12 slide was interrupted Thursday by an edict from Chief Operating Genetic Lottery Winner Officer Jeff Wilpon, who ordered the immediate demolition of Stanley, “the rolling toolbox that had become a bullpen mascot”.

After watching the Mets lose 12 of 14 games and fall to the worst record in baseball, and with everyone on the team searching for real or symbolic methods to change the fortunes, Wilpon (above) issued a simple decree: “Get rid of Stanley.”

That is the name by which the Mets had affectionately referred to their black and yellow rolling toolbox. But from now on, the Mets will not roll like that anymore. Instead, they will use a pink backpack to transport the essential items they need in the bullpen, like candy, medical supplies, fingernail clippers, Krazy Glue and the odd toy.

Wilpon gave his order to Dan Warthen, the pitching coach. So, on Thursday afternoon, Warthen asked every player and coach to donate an article of clothing or piece of equipment to place inside Stanley as a sacrifice. Most obliged, and then, as in a scene out of a movie, Stanley was taken into a back room before the game and ceremonially obliterated with bats.

Left unmentioned is that it took the better part of Thursday afternoon, evening and well into Friday morning before Stanley was finally reduced to rubble. That’s what you get for asking Willie Harris to complete a simple task.