Righteous North Korean Nuclear Program Is the Victim of Lying Slanderers

The hostile United States is again bullying the peerless scientists and technological innovators of the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea. The American press is publishing wanton lies about Kim Jong-un’s peaceful, legitimate nuclear program. The New York Times, a paper edited by a woman, is participating in the smear campaign designed to soil North Korea’s international reputation of supreme respect:

In a statement issued through state-run media, the National Defense Commission, the North’s highest governing agency, headed by Mr. Kim, said that “a variety of satellites and long-range rockets which will be launched by the D.P.R.K. one after another and a nuclear test of higher level which will be carried out by it” will be “targeted” at “the U.S., the sworn enemy of the Korean people.”

This is a fictitious story whose undignified birth is a deep-growing root of mistranslation and whose soil is lies and whose sunshine is hysteria. It is evident the impoverished and dishonorable United States could not afford or locate a sufficient, willing translator capable of interpreting the poetry of Kim Jong-un’s press office with authority. What follows is a true and internationally well-regarded translation of the North Korean press release, as interpreted by our country’s most incomparable and outstanding translator, Kim Jong-un himself:

The North’s highest-governing agency, headed by me, said that “harmonious satellites and no rockets which will not be launched by the D.K.P.R. none after none, zero after zero, and a nuclear test of the same level which will not be carried out by not it” will be “targeted” at “a picture of the United States attached with tape, North Korea has plentiful reserves of tape and other office supplies, to a dart board, the sworn enemy of darts.”

There are no questions left to be answered! The question harvest has ended and no one is hungry.