Guerrilla Aging: Physical Surprises

After all the years we have spent looking into mirrors, why is it that we didn’t have a clue what was going to happen to our bodies after age fifty? We received advance warning about the effects of both puberty and childbirth, but nobody mentioned the changes that begin slowly around forty-five, then pick up steam once the fifty barrier is crossed. Many of us believed that pregnancy and childbirth provided the greatest changes in our bodies, and that once our last child was born, our bodies wouldn’t undergo anything else as drastic.

We knew old people looked different than we did, but we thought it was just a matter of grey hair and wrinkles. How could we know that grey hair and wrinkles were just the final result of small disasters all along the path? And the really awful part was that most of the surprise changes that happened couldn’t be discussed in mixed company. No one wants to hear about body parts (all body parts) sagging, bagging, and dragging, or leaving town altogether. But it happens. Nobody wants to hear where, exactly, on your body you lose (or gain) your hair. But that happens, too.

And how about the fact that we get shorter as our spines compact? For some of us, that’s no great tragedy. Tall people might have an inch or two to spare. For average or short people, getting shorter can mean a trick of fate. To make it worse, the shortening of our spines seems to coincide with the day we real our stiletto heels can only be used to smash bugs and not put on our feet. When we were young and broke a bone, did anyone tell us it would show up again at age fifty as arthritis? When we had babies, did anyone tell us our internal muscles stretched that had stretched could start to give out around fifty?

With all of the medical specialties available that are capable of taking us from cradle to grave, we believe they missed one. We know from pediatricians about young bodies, and we know from gerontologists about old bodies. In between those two, there are doctors for all kinds of conditions that might hit the adult body. Why not a specialty that centers on people approaching fifty, that educates us to expect the not-so-subtle changes, rather than greet them with shock and awe? The doctors, hopefully women our age, would probably spend a lot of time holding our hands. Then we could all go out for pizza together.

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The above is an excerpt from Saving the Best for Last: Creating Our Lives After 50, by Renee Fisher, Joyce Kramer, and Jean Peelen. Available on Amazon.

If you would like to join the Guerrilla Aging conversation, send your post to lifeintheboomerlane@gmail.com.

I recently lost 14 pounds and all of my jeans became too large for me (yay). Soooo, I ordered a new pair of jeans in a smaller size (but different style) from one of my favorite sites. The legs fit wonderfully but I can’t zip them up because of my slightly sagging, poochy belly (despite all of my best efforts). My sister, a medical transcriptionist, told me this is a result of age; aint nothin’ gonna fix that short of liposuction. Oh joy. Now I have a pair of jeans that look good from the butt down. Sigh.

A friend told me she read that the issue of which you speak is nature’s way of signaling to the male segment of the species that “This female is older and past child-bearing. Head in another direction.” No one told nature that nowadays we don’t need this handy aid. Sigh.

This is such a good point – what did we think would happen to our bodies after childbirth and seeing others’ age? Not this! How can we possibly be this insulated to something that occurs daily and universally? It seems slightly insane (or perhaps its a severe case of denial). Regardless, education and pizza works for me! Great observation. And isn’t this exactly why we blog – to share the stuff that seems to be falling through the proverbial cracks?

Renee, as a 55,year old male I recognize that God has a sense of humor. My thought process was when your hair begins to grey, it should deactivate the acne gene. That is not true. Since that failed to work, most assuredly, losing some hair would certainly deactivate it. Not true either. Invariably after a sweetness indulgence, the next morning one or two little white surprises have grown. Damn. Maybe I need to ask my wife to go to the prom. Have a great weekend. Nice picture of the bearded lady. BTG

Of course, I would need to practice on folding the notes correctly. Ah, the excitement of passing notes to girls in the 7th grade…..and receiving them back. Remember the standard sign off…”The bell is going to ring, so I better go.”

I will fight it each step of the way. I remember a line from the Pink Floyd Dark Side of the Moon album from the song TIME. And one day closer to death. I will get there one day and deal with all of the aging crap, but I will not go out quietly.

My grey hair is different than the hair I had. It performs tricks I’ve never seen before and loves to mess with my eyebrows. Now my eyebrows are engaged in a civil war, the black ones are attempting to outdo the grey ones with wild directional feats that astound gravity.
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Interesting how the decades go. I didn’t notice much going on from 30 to 40 but 40 to 50 there were lots of changes. 50 to 60 was ok nothing drastic. But the 60 to 70…I am half way through it…has been a challenge. I am not afraid of the 70 to 80 but I don’t feel good about it.

What I didn’t like was some of these changes seem to have happened all in one night while I was sleeping sometimes. You get up one morning & your breasts still sit above your elbows & the next morning you get up & they are more apt to be around your waist.

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