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Sunday, December 30, 2012

While doing end of the year cleaning we found this never before released episode of TVAMD. It's a follow-up to Sean, Lynn and Gary's coverage of Friday the 13th and Cabin in the Woods that got lost in the shuffle during the Disney Star Wars hullaballoo. In this brief addendum they discuss Dr. Who, Cabin in the Woods, and the (then) impending apocalypse.

Friday, December 28, 2012

Now that the apocalypse has happened, it's only a matter of time until there are zombies. So it's best you prepare yourself. Don't want to end up like the twinkie, do you? Everyone thought they'd last forever too. Share these teachings on the internet (until the grid crashes), memorize them and spread the word verbally to as many people as will listen. Hopefully the illustrations will help to break the language barrier, but if not you may have to translate it wherever necessary. This will save lives, so it’s your duty to get the information to everyone you can.

What is the Zombie War? Actually, this term is a misnomer. The zombie outbreak will destroy any government or military infrastructure within a matter of days or weeks. After that the human race will be its own army and anyone left alive will be a soldier.

And the only way to win this war will be to stay alive.

PART FIVE:

Supplies

There are two elements regarding
supplies that come into play as the Zombie War begins. First, there is the
matter of what you can take with you. Second, there is the matter of where to
acquire it.

Since the apocalypse will happen
without warning, most of what you will take with you will come from what you already
have on hand. That makes it a good idea to be as prepared as possible. Where
this is not feasible, it’s a good idea to know where to go for any supplies you
may not have with you already.

Take Your Jacket.

If you’re not sure where you’re
going, take your coat. This is a pretty good adventuring rule. But don’t go
overboard. If it’s 100 degrees out and you’re wearing your coat, you’re not prepared.
You’re just a weirdo.

In most climates, there’s going
to be good weather and bad weather. But the point is, when you leave the house,
pretend you’re leaving it for the last time.

Take a backpack.

If you get a call in the middle
of the night, and you don’t know where you’re headed and you’re going on a trip
that goes through a bunch of country back roads and you’re not sure if you
might end up in cold weather or something, take a bunch of useful stuff with
you. The jacket being the most useful of all stuff, because it’s a pretty
practical item.

Have an “Oh crap” bag already
packed. If someone tells you you have to leave tonight, no questions, have a
bag packed that you can just grab:

“Got it! It’s got a cross, silver
bullets, Rambo knife…”

That’s where the jacket rule
comes in, because you may or may not be able to have a bag with you. You can
fit all kinds of stuff in the pockets of a jacket. Having your jacket with you on
the night the Shit goes down could mean the difference between living and dying.

Keep your trunk stocked.

You may or may not be in your car
when it happens, but if you are you could potentially have any number of useful
items available.

·Water and freeze-dried food (military MRE’s are
best).

·Toilet paper (survival’s not your only concern).

·SCUBA gear.

·Mountain climbing gear (ropes and chains are always
good for something).

·A fully packed suitcase.

·A high-powered Mag Lite.

·A hurricane radio.

·A First Aid kit.

·A tent.

·A towel (you should always have a towel).

·An inflatable raft.

Because let’s face it: If you’re
ever in a situation where someone says “if only we had an inflatable raft!” and
you can produce one, you will officially become the coolest person ever.

Don’t let people see the inside
of your trunk if you follow this advice, because they’ll think you’re a serial
killer or something.

Carry useful items with you at
all times.

If you can’t get away in the car
with a trunkful of goodies, then try to keep as many normal useful things in
your pocket as you can.

Immediate mobilization is the key
to your survival when the unexpected happens, so keep odd bits in your pockets
that could help out:

·A pocket knife.

·Some kind of universal tool (like a Gerber).

·Disposable lighter (you’re going to want to take
a Zippo, but the fluid lasts longer in a disposable).

·Waterproof strike anywhere matches if you can
get them.

·A pocket LED light.

There’s also a lot of stuff you
can keep in a jacket:

·Flashlight.

·Flask (or canteen, if you prefer).

·Journal or camcorder (for keeping an account of
how it all ends).

·Gloves.

·Pocket handkerchief.

·Super glue.

·Sewing kit.

·At least one stapler.

This is really the ultimate example
of the Boy Scout code: Be prepared for
anything. Who knows? If having a pocket knife in your back pocket could
save your life, wouldn’t you want to do that? And that’s not a weird thing to
have to explain to people, except at an airport.

You need to embrace that inner
MacGyver. Give him some duct tape and a Swiss Army knife, and that man was good
to go back in the early days.

Don’t overburden yourself.

Don’t carry too much of any of
these things if you’re on the move. Plan your travels around seeking them out,
but carrying too many survival supplies can be detrimental to survival. Evading
zombies is the top priority.

No looting and no trespassing.

Abandoned stores will either be
picked clean or they won’t be abandoned long. Learn to strike up trade or find
supplies elsewhere. Don’t go walking into a house just because it looks
abandoned. People won’t think twice about killing intruders.

Keep a bunker stocked.

If you really want to be
prepared, buy a hunting cabin off in the woods somewhere that only you know
about. Then stock it with non-perishable supplies. Bottled water is good, but
access to a well would be nice too. I’d stock bottled water in case the well
gets tainted somehow, though.

As far as food, freeze-dried food
is good, but I think the vitamin store is the best source of post-apocalyptic
cuisine. The right vitamins and protein supplements are easily stored, easily
transported, last virtually forever and can nourish you for a very long time.

JUST REMEMBER: A bunker can be
overrun by zombies or discovered by marauders. Remember that most zombie movies
are about people shacking up in the first place they find, which is almost
always somewhere that none of them own.

Thursday, December 27, 2012

Now that the apocalypse has happened, it's only a matter of time until there are zombies. So it's best you prepare yourself. Don't want to end up like the twinkie, do you? Everyone thought they'd last forever too. Share these teachings on the internet (until the grid crashes), memorize them and spread the word verbally to as many people as will listen. Hopefully the illustrations will help to break the language barrier, but if not you may have to translate it wherever necessary. This will save lives, so it’s your duty to get the information to everyone you can.

What is the Zombie War? Actually, this term is a misnomer. The zombie outbreak will destroy any government or military infrastructure within a matter of days or weeks. After that the human race will be its own army and anyone left alive will be a soldier.

And the only way to win this war will be to stay alive.

PART FOUR:

Pack Mentality

Keep the number of people in your
party to a minimum. Too many people means dragging around someone who will hold
up the group, get you in trouble or turn everyone over to the New World Order
weirdoes trying to rebuild civilization in their own image.

It’s a good idea to size up the
people you’re with, especially if you just all accidentally ended up in the
same farmhouse together. This doesn’t necessary put you all on the same side.
You need to decide right away if you want to make a stand with these people or
if you’re better off making a break for it (which you almost always are).

Consider the Human Equation.

This is commonly known as the DOUBLE DIGIT RULE. It is human nature
to seek safety in numbers, but too many people in one place attract too much
attention, become difficult to manage, and increase the chances of conflict and
possible insurrection.

Large groups of people don’t
travel as easily in an urban chaos situation, and the wrong people can be
dangerous to the group. There’s always that one guy who gets bitten by the
zombie but won’t tell anyone until he’s suddenly tearing your throats out, or
the aforementioned “let’s eat the dead” guy who’s suddenly eyeing everybody hungrily
to see who’ll drop, or the ones that just go stir crazy or shell shocked to the
point where they try to kill everybody for no reason. You don’t need that aggravation.

Beware of Mob Mentality.

Generally speaking, people tend
to give in to mob mentality when their numbers go into the double digits. If
you have a group, keep it down to fewer than ten people and do your best to
avoid any body of people exceeding this number.

You don’t want your numbers to be
so big that splinter groups become a concern. The only reason to band together
with other people in the first place is to achieve common goals, so if you
aren’t in agreement as to how to do that, then you probably shouldn’t travel
together anyway.

A good example of this is The Happening (because that movie had to
be good for something):

·When the trees decide to eradicate mankind by
making them suicidally crazy, they specifically target large groups of people.

·Of course, emitting a chemical gas is a pretty
indiscriminate assault that would be almost impossible to focus on specific
groups in that way.

·Even so, it supports the idea of staying in
small groups. This is true even in a tree apocalypse.

·You should also be careful of trees, apparently.
The upcoming tip on wandering off also provides an example which illustrates
this point.

Any Stephen King story supports a
fear of mob mentality:

·In The
Mist they want to sacrifice a kid to the mist.

·In Storm
of the Century they want to sacrifice a kid to a warlock.

·In Needful
Things the church crazies march against each other in battle.

·In The
Stand the good guys are blown up by a wacko when they try to re-build
society and the bad guys are blown up by the hand of God.

Build a positive group dynamic.

If you are going to be stuck with
a group, do your best to assess who the members are and what they can do.

·Who are the weak links?

·Who might be the handiest to stand next to in a
pinch?

·Who would be the first to suggest eating the
dead if you were all stranded in the snow somewhere?

SURVIVOR ARCHETYPES:

Mr. Take
Charge:

This is the guy who decides
simultaneously that a) the group needs a leader and b) the leader should be
him.

He storms into the house
regardless of whose house it is and starts barking orders at everybody.

He’s a good man to have around
when everyone’s too terrified to act, but like all alpha males he becomes
aggressive and instigates conflict whenever his authority is threatened.

·Ben in Night
of the Living Dead is a good example of this. He’s quick, strong, and good
to have in a pinch, but he wastes so much time arguing about who’s in charge of
what that he ends up getting everybody killed.

·Ash from Evil
Dead is the ultimate exemplar of this archetype. He even trains medieval
warriors in melee to prepare them for battle against the Deadites, because Ash
has a better understanding of the use of pole arms than medieval warriors?

·In the Dawn
of the Dead remake the take-charge guy is a rational negotiator who lets
the testosterone fly amongst the tough guys until they wear themselves out,
then interjects with a plan. This is the best guy to have in charge in the
situation.

·In Day of
the Dead the military guys dominate the installation over the civilians and
have to be deposed.

The Survivalist:

Sometimes known as “The Coward”,
this is the guy who’s more concerned about his own safety or agenda than he is
the good of the group.

Learning to spot these
opportunists early is at least as important to your survival as general zombie
defense.

·Cooper in Night
of the Living Dead is just aggressive enough to challenge authority, but
not to lead. Defending his family is his rationalization for getting them
killed.

·In the Dawn
of the Dead remake Mekhi Phifer endangers the whole group to defend his
infected wife and their zombie baby.

·In Resident
EvilEric Mabius betrays them
because he’s just dumb enough to think he can profit from a zombie outbreak.
This is an archetype created by James Cameron and perfected by Paul Reiser as Burke from Aliens,
and it’s been repeated ad nauseam ever since.

·Joe Pantoliano turns on his fellow humans for a
life of comfortable illusion in The
Matrix, believing they have no way to win against the machines.

·Patrick Dempsey similarly betrays the human race
to the Decepticons in the third Transformers
movie. I mostly mention this because it is even further evidence that Patrick
Dempsey is a tool. But if Made of Honor
didn’t convince you of that, I guess nothing will.

NEVER LET HIM IN YOUR GROUP
BECAUSE HE IS TOXIC TO THE CORE AND WILL ALWAYS GET EVERYBODY (EXCEPT MAYBE HIMSELF)
KILLED.

The Redneck:

Wherever apocalypses happen
there’s usually a sort of racist redneck there to cause trouble or bring much
needed weapons to the group.

·Evil Dead
2 has a redneck guy who kicks Ash’s head in and tosses him in the cellar before
he even knows what the hell is happening.

·Left 4
Dead 2 also features a redneck for comic relief, who is supposedly from Savannah. But then,
according to them the Savannah Mall is downtown and contains a racecar.

·The
Walking Dead TV show has some racist rednecks, one who is absolutely
useless and nearly gets everyone killed and another who is a badass crossbow
hunter with a hidden heart of gold.

The Braincase:

There’s usually one person in the
group who’s a total braincase and becomes a liability because they’re either
completely catatonic or batshit crazy.

·Hudson
from Aliens is a good example of a
classic freak-out, but he valiantly recovers in time to die defending the
group.

·Barbra from Night
of the Living Dead is mostly catatonic in the face of the zombie
apocalypse, but she Rambo’s up in the remake.

·River from Serenity
represents this part of the group dynamic, although she ends up dispatching an
army of space zombies by herself.

Rednecks and Braincases can go
either way. Avoid them if you can help it, but if not try to learn as much as
you can about what precisely is wrong with them.

Do not stray from the group.

The whole reason to have a group
is for the safety of numbers, so avoid wandering too far from them. You also want
to avoid having group members who are prone to panic or just wander off at
inopportune moments. These people get themselves killed or, if you’re dumb
enough to follow them, they get you killed too.

·In Cloverfield,
the main guy keeps wandering off to find his girlfriend, who’s stuck at ground
zero. They’re constantly having to wrangle this guy! I’d be like “dude, I know
you’re being gallant, but seeing as how the rest of us have agreed to come with
you for no apparent reason, could you at least acknowledge that you’re putting
our lives at risk too?”

·In Mad
Max: Beyond Thunderdome the kids wander off without Max and immediately
succumb to the perils of the post-apocalyptic desert.

·The lawyer in JurassicPark
runs away from the car to hide in an outhouse. This just gets him eaten.

·In The
Hills Have Eyes 2 remake, the group is constantly having to track down
people who wander off. The girl who gets it the worst of all gets it because
she wanders off to go to the bathroom! What’s worse - peeing in front of your
fellow soldiers (which should have been part of your training anyway) or
getting raped by a monster so you can make his Frankenstein baby?

·Wandering off is particularly bad for the
ladies. In Evil Dead the girl who
runs off gets raped by a tree. Trees may seem tranquil enough, but they’re apparently
endless wells of hidden rage.

Be prepared to leave them all
behind.

If you do decide to wander off,
make a clean break of it. It’s cold, but this ain’t no “how to be a hero” book.
This is a survival scenario.

If you’re so worried about what
will become of people you know, then work out a survival strategy beforehand
that will give you all a common rendezvous clear of danger. When in doubt, just
split up and re-group later.

If it goes down hard and heavy,
sifting through the rubble for stragglers is likely to get everybody killed.
Make sure you all know what to do and where to be when it hits. More lives can
be spared by planning ahead rather than getting left behind.

Your guy that wanders off? Leave
him! He’s going to die anyway; he doesn’t have to take you with him. If he’s
not even going to acknowledge that he’s wandering under the dragon’s foot, let
him. He’s not going to make it.

If you’re already in a group, do
your best to protect them, but don’t linger to find out what happened to the
ones whose phones went dead.

There’s a time to stick together
and a time when the lone wolf needs to walk alone. Forcing a group dynamic that
isn’t working is the fastest way to kill everybody.

Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Now that the apocalypse has happened, it's only a matter of time until there are zombies. So it's best you prepare yourself. Don't want to end up like the twinkie, do you? Everyone thought they'd last forever too. Share these teachings on the internet (until the grid crashes), memorize them and spread the word verbally to as many people as will listen. Hopefully the illustrations will help to break the language barrier, but if not you may have to translate it wherever necessary. This will save lives, so it’s your duty to get the information to everyone you can.

What is the Zombie War? Actually, this term is a misnomer. The zombie outbreak will destroy any government or military infrastructure within a matter of days or weeks. After that the human race will be its own army and anyone left alive will be a soldier.

And the only way to win this war will be to stay alive.

PART THREE:

Be Alert

I’ve talked about this before in
other programs and publications, but I cannot stress these teachings enough. We
must teach as many people as much as we can about how to prepare for the Shit.

These teachings may one day prove
to be humanity’s last hope…

“The Shit” is a pretty universal
term that can cover a wide range of urban warfare survival scenarios, from
natural disasters to the inevitable revolution that will occur when the slave
society of sexbots we create in the future to provide us carnal pleasure
suddenly develops consciousness and free will, rising up against us by
constructing giant robot monkeys to destroy our civilization.

This is a worst case scenario,
mind you, but you have to be ready for anything.

I want you to understand: This is not just an end of the world scenario that
involves zombies. These tips can apply to any end of civilization scenario,
zombies being the most prevalent. These tips should help you survive the first
48 hours of most any apocalypse - be it zombies, giant monkeys, robots, or maybe
just a hurricane.

Or maybe robot zombies. Or robot zombie monkeys.

Be mindful of your surroundings.

This is also a Jedi rule, I
think, but it still applies. When you go somewhere, make a mental note of the
entry and exit points. Plot your flight path around familiar places when
possible, which also means you should be honing your situational awareness
right now. If you’re in a place and you’re trapped there, you want to know the
best ways in and out and the best ways to defend yourself. That’s just action
movie thinking: “If I had to jump out that window, would I be too high up? Could
I land on something? Could I bounce off that canopy or would I go straight
through?”

Know where the exits are when
you’re in a building and where the alleys are if you’re on the street. Being
practical is the first step toward being prepared.

Have a flight plan.

You should already be familiar
with the roads and waterways in your area, especially those not publicly known.
When the Shit goes down, everyone will be on the road. What you need is an
alternate method of travel, like cross-country on horseback. If you have access
to a helicopter or, where applicable, a boat, this would be a good alternative.
For best results, be prepared to travel on foot and have a route plotted that
will put you in the way of the least amount of people. This is especially
useful in a zombie or invasion scenario, where people will be targeted in the
largest groups.

This is actually practical in
real disaster situations. You have a plan beforehand, you have a rendezvous
point, you have a meeting place not in the city, that kind of thing. And that will save your life. Because you never
go back for any reason! Look to your left, then to your right. Anyone you
didn’t just put your eyes on is dead. If you try to find them, you will be too!
Anyone still alive but not with you is also probably trying to make their way
to safety. They’re sure as hell not poking through the rubble trying to make
sure you’re okay.

Don’t Wait to be Rescued!

Wait to be rescued? Are you
kidding me? It’s already bad enough that you’re thinking about eating your own
dead to survive, but you have enough faith in humanity that you think people
are looking for you? I don’t understand, that’s a weird dichotomy of mindset to
me.

Eating the dead is never a
rational option.

There’s always somebody that
thinks eating the dead is acceptable if that’s what it takes to survive. You
really want to identify that guy right away. Even in real life, that’s a good
character trait to single out.

Besides the obvious moral
conundrum, cannibalism is an especially bad idea in a zombie scenario. Remember
that in most cases the original infection afflicts not just those who are
bitten by zombies, but all recently dead people. If the natural repugnance of
cannibalism does not deter you, try to understand that every corpse is a
potential carrier.

·In Ravenous
they eat people to steal their souls or something, but it all started with them
eating a dead guy just to stay alive.

·In The
Book of Eli, people who eat the dead are always crazy weirdoes who end up
getting the shakes. Not sure there’s any science to support this, but bear in
mind it comes from the same writers who think you can live on a staple diet of
nuclear cats.

·They run into a cannibal clan of crazies in the Walking Dead comic, who accidentally
infect themselves by eating a guy who got bitten. The group does the sensible
thing and brutally eradicates the entire clan.

·All hill mutants rape, eat or rape and eat
people. This is true in The Hills Have
Eyes, Wrong Turn, Texas Chainsaw Massacre and enough other movies that it’s
become its own subgenre. I’m not saying eating people makes you a rapey raving
lunatic, but you never run into nice people who just happen to eat their dead
to survive. Cannibals are always feral psychopaths.

·In the third Resident
Evil carrion birds become infected from eating the dead. Just keep that in
mind.

TO SUM UP: THE EATING OF THE DEAD
IS NEVER RECOMMENDED!

Run for OpenTerritory,
Not Shelter.

Do not hole up anywhere if you
can help it, especially without supplies. Any fortification has to be prepared
to withstand a siege, which means physical security and defenses, shelter
against the elements, and available resources for survival over a long period
of time.

Most random places you run into
to avoid a zombie horde will not just magically have these things, so don’t
board yourself up in the first building you find and hope for the best.

Don’t stop to gawk at the awesome
destruction or to figure out just exactly what is trying to eat you.

Usually the people that satisfactorily
answer the question of what exactly’s after them get the answer straight from
the monster’s mouth.

If it comes down to you and some
other guy, and the fastest one wins, you don’t want to be in that situation. You
want to be the first guy to run right away. Like Tom Cruise in War of the Worlds, where they’re all
standing around the crater going “what’s going on?” Let it eat them! You just
run!

Zombies aren’t the only problem
in that scenario; you also have to consider death rays! By the time you see it,
that could be too late! What if the mother ship’s dripping little monster
things or shooting death rays at people? What if looking at it melts your face?
You don’t have to know! You don’t have to know what’s after you.

Monday, December 24, 2012

Here are some case studies about the first 48 hours of a zombie outbreak:

Night
of the Living Dead

Classic negative example. Not
understanding the nature of the threat, they all hole up in the same farmhouse
and practically end up killing each other before the zombies even get to them. Rookie
mistake.

LESSON: Don’t fortify unless you
possess the resources and resolve to withstand a zombie siege.

Dawn
of the Dead (original and remake)

They try to fortify a mall, which
is one of the least defensible places on the planet. Death wish. Malls are
designed to let in as many people as possible, stupid!

LESSON: People in glass houses
will be eaten first.

Day
of the Dead

Civvie Scientists shack up with
military wackoes who take over and cast out anyone who opposes their rule.

LESSON: Guys with guns are useful
when zombies attack, but represent a whole other threat in their absence.

Return
of the Living Dead

Hoping to be rescued, they call
for help and the military nukes the town. Points for understanding the scope of
the problem, but getting out of town would have been better.

LESSON: Do not trust authority.
At best they will defend the greater good and at worst they’ll want to kill all
witnesses.

Resident
Evil

Realizing that they’ve released
the zombie plague into their lab, they seal the building off and try to kill
everyone in it.

LESSON: Corporate interests will
take priority over rescue operations, but that doesn’t matter because containment
is always impossible.

Rec
(and Quarantine)

A camera isn’t kryptonite to
something that wants to eat you. In Rec (and
its American counterpart Quarantine)
the film crew shows up for something else and ends up being the first
responders to an outbreak of demon rabies.

This happens in Diary of the Dead too (which is just Romero’s
pass at the POV filmmaking style): The first to die is a news cameraman.

This is the containment rule as
it pertains to authority again. The government will either want to harness the
virus to weaponize it or they’ll want to eradicate it for the public good. In
either case they just kill everyone.

LESSON: Curiosity kills. The best
defense is to not be there when the outbreak happens.

House
of the Dead

24 hour party people get into a
gun shipment and go John Woo on the lumbering dead, but eventually they get surrounded
and have to hole up in a mausoleum.

Making a stand never ends well;
eventually you’re just going to end up in a zombie pirate sword fight. Might
sound like fun, but it’s actually just really really stupid.

LESSON: All video game movies
suck. There will never be an exception to this rule. Also, all Uwe Boll movies
suck. Unless they have Dolph Lundgren in them. He makes everything awesome.

Sunday, December 23, 2012

Now that the apocalypse has happened, it's only a matter of time until there are zombies. So it's best you prepare yourself. Don't want to end up like the twinkie, do you? Everyone thought they'd last forever too. Share these teachings on the internet (until the grid crashes), memorize them and spread the word verbally to as many people as will listen. Hopefully the illustrations will help to break the language barrier, but if not you may have to translate it wherever necessary. This will save lives, so it’s your duty to get the information to everyone you can.

What is the Zombie War? Actually, this term is a misnomer. The zombie outbreak will destroy any government or military infrastructure within a matter of days or weeks. After that the human race will be its own army and anyone left alive will be a soldier.

And the only way to win this war will be to stay alive.

PART TWO:

The First

48 Hours

Most zombie stories are about the
initial outbreak and are good cautionary tales about the first 48.

Most people will not survive the
first 48 hours of the outbreak.

First off, you won’t know it’s
happening for the first couple of hours, which will eat up critical response
opportunities.

Add to that the initial denial
due to normalcy bias and some early rookie mistakes like crashing your car into
a telephone pole or boarding yourself up in a farmhouse and you’ve lost four
hours of good travel time.

Meanwhile the zombie threat is
spreading exponentially:

In the first 4 hours, there will
be dozens of zombies in your area. That’s when you’ll probably start understanding
the scope of the problem.

By the end of the first 24 hours
there will be hundreds, which is why people who board themselves up on the
first day aren’t able to run by the second.

By the end of the first 48 hours
there will be thousands of zombies in a well-populated area, because by then
50% or more of the population will have been turned.

Another 30% of the population
will probably be dead, because the purpose of zombie attacks is not infection,
but predation. That will leave the zombie population ravenous and enraged, with
a swiftly diminishing food supply.

By the time they run out of food
they will be in large enough numbers to successfully lay siege to any fortification
and wipe out anyone still living in it. Critical mistakes in the first 4 hours
of the outbreak lead to most people not surviving the first 48 hours.

Your best bet is to get out of the area while there
are still other people around for the zombies to eat.

Saturday, December 22, 2012

Now that the apocalypse has happened, it's only a matter of time until there are zombies. So it's best you prepare yourself. Don't want to end up like the twinkie, do you? Everyone thought they'd last forever too. Share these teachings on the internet (until the grid crashes), memorize them and spread the word verbally to as many people as will listen. Hopefully the illustrations will help to break the language barrier, but if not you may have to translate it wherever necessary. This will save lives, so it’s your duty to get the information to everyone you can.

What is the Zombie War? Actually, this term is a misnomer. The zombie outbreak will destroy any government or military infrastructure within a matter of days or weeks. After that the human race will be its own army and anyone left alive will be a soldier.

And the only way to win this war will be to stay alive.

PART ONE:

Combatants

The first lesson in survival is not knowing who to trust (because you can’t trust anyone), it’s knowing what you’re up against.

It will be a harsh and unforgiving world when the zombies come, so you better acquaint yourself with the challenges you’re likely to face.

SURVIVORS

__________________

Hopefully you fall
into this category, because that’s who this is written for. Survivors are
simply those dispossessed humans trying to find someplace they can go to be
safe from pretty much everybody else.

ZOMBIES

__________________

Not only are they the
top contender, but they will probably represent a majority of the population in
a very short period of time. In fact, by the time you realize the severity of
the zombie threat, there will most likely be more of them than us.

MARAUDERS

__________________

There are scavengers
drawn to every disaster. While decent people will be trying to survive the
apocalypse, looters will be picking through the rubble for some way to profit
from it. When there’s nothing left to loot, they’ll quickly evolve into gangs
of bandits and thieves. This is the Mad Max syndrome. Some people were never
fit for a civilized world anyway, and they’ll instantly embrace the lawlessness
of the Necrocracy.

CRAZIES

__________________

Hell on Earth has a
tendency to eat at people, in this case literally. Some survivors are likely to
be so traumatized that they’ll be holed up somewhere waiting for someone to set
them off. Don’t be the one to do it.

NEW WORLD ORDER

__________________

When society collapses, some people will adapt to anarchy while others will hold to the mores enforced by the previous administration. Some will jump at the chance to improve on the model, however, and suddenly you’ll start running into self-appointed militia men and citizen soldiers who expect you to follow the law of the land because their guns are bigger than yours.

Thursday, December 20, 2012

We once tackled the complicated subject of the fixing the future. Now that it's the eve of our destruction and the future amounts to a few hours, the subject seems less complex. Take some of your last moments to listen to our advice about the future, just in case we end up actually having one.

There are actually those who don't know VRON. For those I present this flashback of her origin (which I myself had to poke around a bit to find). This is me and Brooks in our first encounter with my robot companion.