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Gary Stanton on "Ferguson arrested at Chester Zoo"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=1771#post-5012
Wed, 31 Mar 2010 09:48:20 +0000Gary Stanton5012@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Police were last night questioning a man , believed to be Manchester United manager, Sir Alex Ferguson, after a Great Hornbill alleged that he threatened to knock the bird off its ‘fucking perch’.</p>
<p>The bird claims it was subjected to the infamous hairdryer treatment after occupying a prime spot in the aviary for most of the eighties and because of its greater success in Europe. </p>
<p>‘I thought the outburst was unnecessary, given that I’m forced to spend all my days cooped up in here. To make matters worse, I’ve recently had my wings clipped and there’s no money to spare for a bigger aviary, in spite of promises from my American owners,’ the bird told reporters.</p>
<p>‘On the plus side, it had been pissing it down with rain and the blast of hot hair helped to dry out my feathers, even if I do now reek like a brewery.’</p>
<p>Other species have since come forward alleging foul-mouthed abuse from the former St Mirren boss. The lions claimed that Ferguson marched up to their enclosure clutching a bottle of Southern Comfort , screaming ‘Just who is it that’s king of the fucking jungle?’. An incident that is said to have severely wounded their pride. Meanwhile, the chimpanzees insist they were left in an agitated state after Sir Alex warned it was high time he rattled their fucking cage. Colin , a twelve year-old male, confessed: </p>
<p>‘I think he mistook me for Wayne Rooney because he asked why I hadn’t turned up for training.’
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