Friday, May 27, 2011

I am so tired, I am questioning everything I do--the motives I have, the impotence of righteous anger and why, oh why, the seemingly petty things in life exhaust me. Perhaps it is that I am working hard, that I am trying to do everything, that I have been sick, got my period, got a yeast infection and hate my hair.

Speaking of hair, the poodle look will make its return this weekend, so the Tenacious Poodle will once again have its human mascot, me.

But I don't feel so tenacious this morning. I feel wiped out. I want to cry, and I hope this long weekend will rejuvenate me because I have so much more work to do.

I watched the May 4th School Board meeting and heard Milt Johns express concern that staff at Bull Run might be ill-equipped to handle these demographic shifts. It's important to understand that these are NOT NEW STUDENTS. The majority of the children that are causing the "increases" ARE ALREADY BULL RUN STUDENTS. Percentages are increasing at Bull Run Middle School because of the removal of students to the north and west.

Consider this - the remaining students ( ie without any additional students) causes LEP percentages to increase from 3% to 9.6% and Economically Disadvantaged percentages increase from 12.1% to 16.1%. The only NEW students at Bull Run in Plan 5 are 136 children from the Coverstone neighborhood. Under Plan 5, Bull Run Middle School is still BELOW the county averages for LEP, Economically Disadvantaged and Minority and attempts to 'address' the numbers of poor, non-native English speakers by splitting small neighborhoods and adding more affluent, native English speakers to Bull Run Middle School are ill-advised.Also, consider the parents who serve on Advisory Committees, they do so on a completely voluntary basis. The expectation being that their input will be valued in the process. The Reagan Boundary Committee has done their due diligence without being subject to political pressures and has worked diligently to formulate Plan 5. I would hope deference would be given to them and their recommendations.

I appreciate your consideration of my thoughts on the matter.

Thanks.
________________________________
(NOTE: I have removed the name of the author)

I should stop thinking about the way I think, but I can't because I am thinking about it, and that means, ultimately, I will have to write about it at some point. That's how my mind works as it performs its range of ordinary to bizarre functions. So I am just going to run with it.

Some days, a few times a day, I have to lie down, close my eyes and let thoughts just parade randomly through my head. I am tired when this happens, but I don't necessarily sleep--or at least, I'm not sleeping in the normal sense because I am awake enough to understand the thoughts and images running through my mind. My brain starts out fully conscious, then moves to that half-awake state (the one when you remember your dreams but can still answer people who talk to you). I remember most of what I think about when I am in these states, and I recall most of what I said if someone speaks to me, so it's not like I am hypnotizing myself (which I always thought would be a cool ability).

Typically, after I have this day of off and on brain surfing, I feel better the next day--more focused, energetic and directed. But I am bothered by my body's apparent need for such a strange regenerative method. I don't think most people need to do this. Recently, it occurred to me that maybe most people get better REM sleep and I am just making up for some kind of deficit.

Now here's where it gets weirder--there's a monthly pattern to these episodes which occur about two weeks after I finish my period, meaning I'm in ovulation mode. TMI, right? Not really because it's significant. When my body goes through hormonal cycles, my brain follows (or leads, as it may be).

Here's the pattern:

Pre-period (I will call it week 3-4, since the time runs together somewhat, and the PMS is followed by the big P): teary, overly emotional, a bit agitated but not terribly, followed by exhaustion which is almost immediately followed by the onset of my period. If I am going to crave chocolate and sugar, now's the time. Also, I seem to get very creative during this time. (I often wonder if, when I go into menopause, I will ever write poetry again.) Getting my period is a relief, however, and towards the second or third day, I am eager to clean and organize the house. (What is THAT all about??)

Week after period: energetic but anxious. I'm on task and productive. My weight is at its lowest and I feel better about my body. However, I can get depressed from the anxiety even though I know for my body, it's normal.

Week two: productive but often sleepy with bouts of brain surfing. My stomach is starting its gradual, monthly growth, so I start feeling fat. Ovulation is at hand. I feel like I am slowing down. I can easily start getting depressed during this week.

Week three: gearing up for pre-period again. Bloating and feeling fat in full swing now. Not much gets done. If I am going to get sick, it easily happens around now. I have been told the immune system gets weaker around period time. Depression is also likely to knock its familiar hand on my mind's door.

Now let's not generalize. Above is the usual pattern, but that doesn't mean I can't get emotional, depressed or anxious at other times. And contrary to my fear of menopause, I can still be creative at various times of the month. But the brain surfing...that seems to be specific to the time around ovulation. There's a connection here, but I don't know what it is.

On another note, here's a thing that holds true all month long--if I wake up in the middle of a dream and get up, I have to go back to sleep for at least 30 minutes or so. If I don't, I am exhausted. I feel like I am in a haze that I can't shake off.

I don't know if other people are like this. It's not exactly something that comes up in conversation. ("So...how 'bout those REM problems, eh? Have any of those lately?")

If I talked to a doc about this, s/he might recommend a sleep study, which would be useless. I've had one of those. I don't have sleep apnea, and I don't snore. How the attendant could determine this is beyond me, considering I couldn't sleep a wink with all the freaking wires and sensors and goop on me. I don't have a lot of faith in sleep studies.

I do believe these anomalies (and they must be anomalies...they can't possibly be regular experiences for most people) are connected with hormones and sleep. Of course, I take medication for the delicious mood fluctuations I experience throughout the month, so that might be a contributing factor, but I am not so sure. My mood pattern has pretty much been consistent throughout my life--whether I am on medication or not, my mood and reproductive cycle have been intricately and consistently connected. The sleep thing, though...it has gotten stranger over the past couple of years, which means even when I don't have dogs taking over the bed and I think I am getting a good night's sleep, I obviously am not because I have to either nap or brain surf.

I guess the reason I worry about this is I think it kind of gets in the way of life. I am afraid it affects my work. It's more than just my being a little "different." Being weird is okay, but somehow, I don't think brain surfing is covered under the ADA.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Before you read this article encouraging consumers to boycott paying on defaulted student loans, please keep in mind the following

If you are in default, the loan will balloon and continue to do so;

If you are in default, you can't refinance;

If you are in default, you cannot get out of default until you have met the demands of the lenders which do not have to negotiate reasonable payment plans (and generally, similar to lenders in the mortgage industry, they do not);

You cannot claim student loans in bankruptcy;

You cannot foreclose on a student loan;

You cannot utilize credit repair or liaison services to negotiate lower payments on a student loan;

You cannot stop the lenders/Federal Government from attaching your wages;

You cannot stop lenders/Federal Government from attaching your savings accounts;

You can have your retirement, social security and/or disability funds attached;

You could have a lien put on your house;

You could be denied a professional license or have your professional license revoked;

You could be refused or lose security clearance;

You cannot get a deferment or forbearance;

You cannot have a loan discharged if a school was negligent, unethical, overpriced or often, even fraudulent;

You cannot have your loan discharged through the Department of Education unless you are deemed disabled and incapable of ever working again.

The Federal Government and Department of Education do not care if you have lost your job, been injured, have illness in the family, have family and children to care for, qualify for food stamps, live on the street, need job retraining or were not academically capable of completing a degree. If you are in default, you have no consumer rights. If you are in default, lenders will work to keep you that way because they make money on defaults. The Department of Education will not step in because the Federal Government makes money on defaults.

Last week, as the nation was just learning about the demise of Osama bin Laden, the U.S. Department of education surreptitiously seeded a story in USA Today informing the public that they would be "stepping up" collection activities against defaulted student loan borrowers. This could include, according to the article, putting liens on peoples bank accounts, their homes, and other personal property.

Let there be no mistake: This is the same Department of Education that egregiously failed to inform the public for decades that the true default rate for these loans was greater than 1-in-four, and probably higher than 1-in-3 currently.

Let there be no mistake: This is the same Department of Education who failed to warn Congress when considering whether to raise the federal student loan limits, year after year, that the citizens were taking on unmanageable levels of student loan debt.

This is incontrovertible evidence of bad government. Bad government that has gone unchecked by previous presidential administrations, and continues to operate without meaningful oversight from the current administration.

Therefore, we are calling for defaulted student loan borrowers everywhere to immediately stop making payments to the holders of these loans. Only when full, and fair bankruptcy, and other consumer protections- protections that were removed without defensible basis- are returned to all student loans should citizens entertain notions of attempting to negotiate fair and reasonable settlements of this debt.

It is our hope that this issue will be exposed to the same level of media scrutiny as is given to credit card debt, and even subprime home loan debt. It is only under the light of serious investigative journalism that this problem will be identified correctly, and solved appropriately.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

I used to think cops and Marines were jerks. This perception came from having limited and negative interactions plus watching too many Rambo and Billy Jack movies. But because of subsequent experiences which changed my mind, I can completely understand people who stereotype, and it bugs me.

Stereotyping bugs me a lot now because I did it, and I know how ignorant it is, especially when those stereotypes lead to even worse things like harassment, discrimination, etc. This is not to say I have ever harassed a cop or a Marine. I'm not that stupid. But it's scary how first impressions can become our only impressions. For someone like me, it's especially easy because I'm not what you call a woman of the world. At age almost 42, I often still feel like a naive child.

What changed my mind about cops and Marines? I have to give credit to my husband who was once a Federal cop and who has worked closely with the military. He explained why cops eat doughnuts (doughnut shops are often open 24 hours, are easily accessible and provide a quick, decent cup of coffee and snack) and why Marines of both genders can be abrupt and overly macho (they are taught to bark out and follow orders and oorah away because if they don't, they will be killed in battle).

It took my husband a few times to convince me that my perceptions were skewed, but being a patient man, he repeated the lessons and added to them. For example, did I know cops and Marines have highly stressful jobs? Did I realize cops and Marines are putting their lives on the line for us? Did I know that cops and Marines usually sign on because they have a sense of duty and justice?

Now that's something I could get into--philosophy and motivation. Give me someone with the right ideals and I will hold that person in higher esteem.

It's hard to understand someone's motivation and philosophy, though, when the only experiences you have had with members of their group are bad ones and you are never around anyone decent who belongs to that group. Given my inherent distrust of groups, however, I have forgiven myself and chalk my reactions up to Katherine the Individualist logic; i.e. you belong to this group, you choose to represent this group, you act like a jerk, therefore your group must be filled with jerks.

I am relieved that law enforcement and the Marines are not filled with jerks and that most of the individuals who serve our community and country are decent human beings. Certainly there are jerky cops and jerky Marines, but you will find jerky individuals in every vocation, which again, leads me to focus on individuals as opposed to groups. Give me a group and I will point out why you shouldn't identify yourself with one. There are always a few whackos.

You aren't just some member of a large group. You are yourself, and how you choose to operate within that group is entirely up to you. Just realize there are inexperienced people like me who might accidentally judge you from the company you keep. It's like kids who join gangs. You get a good kid in a gang and automatically you think, "gang banger...lock 'em up." So now I say, don't equate uniform with asshole.

There is a chasm between "You are the company you keep," and "Don't judge a book by its cover." I think I'll go with the book/cover thing. Individualists who aren't very street smart usually do.

Monday, May 09, 2011

Okay, maybe mantra writing isn't a hobby, and I've only written one, but it is something I might continue to do since writing my first was so satisfying.

Realize, now, that I have no clue how to write a mantra, that I'm still relatively Buddhism-ignorant and that I am cheating by trying to loosely model my mantra after a very important one called Gayatri:

I have been using the Gayatri mantra for a few days, and it really touches on my sense of spirituality and values. I needed something else, though, something that will help connect the different parts of me with the energy of the natural and spiritual worlds. In particular, I need to remind myself that my physical body is part of those worlds and, because of that, I need to stop fretting over things like cellulite.

Yeeeeshk. Even that word is ugly. "Cellulite." It sounds slimy.

So here goes. I am going to meditate away my freak-outedness over cellulite and learn to accept my body as I eat healthy foods and exercise. I will stop fantasizing about getting plastic surgery and stop calling my body mean names. I will be kinder to myself. I will speak to myself the way I would speak to others (politicians, politicos and haters not included):

"May my entire being rejoice in its human form, a beautiful manifestation of all that is good and all that is God."

Saturday, May 07, 2011

So much on my mind and so little time to process because I am such a slow processor. So I will start with the death of Osoma Bin Laden and reminding readers that I am very much against group behavior. In general, I do not trust groups.

The people dancing in the streets over OBL's death made something plummet in the pit of my stomach. It's as if people here were celebrating death instead of communicating gratefulness for closure for victims' family, relief that a dangerous person could not longer do harm, and hope the war will soon be over. I believe this demonstration of joy over death only fueled the fire of terrorists who now vow revenge.

Our armed services folks were right in giving OBL a respectful funeral in the tradition he probably would have preferred. Imagine how we as Americans felt when terrorists took out the World Trade Center. Anger, the want of revenge and grief were the main ingredients of our response. As much as we might have considered a Middle Eastern effort at a proper burial hypocrisy, we might have at least recognized that not all in the Middle East are barbarians and that our deceased were treated as respectfully as possible under the horrible circumstances. By rejoicing over a murder, we have given the world a reason to think we are savages.

Considering reactions to OBL's death led me to thinking about that "Proud to be an American" song.

Let me preface this section by saying most people would not agree with me, and, in fact, they might want to slap me around for even saying this. But I am not proud to be an American because I do not believe pride in a group is generally a good thing.

To me, pride connotes that, as a whole, we believe that we are better than others. Pride can be used as an excuse for bigotry. Pride can be used as "evidence" that people who are not proud are unpatriotic. And pride can make us blind to our flaws.

Instead of being proud to be American, I think we should be grateful for all we have in this country. We should be humbled because we have people who are willing to defend our freedoms. We should be generous with our wealth. We should honor the individuals who have made our country the best it can be at the moment.

Many of us are not those things. We think saying we are proud is enough.

When we are proud, we dance in the streets over death. We might believe a Christian God has given us the right to do so. We perpetuate, condone and encourage war and killing, the very things any God would disapprove of.

At times, I am embarrassed to be American. For example, when our country made such a big deal over Clinton's blow job instead of fighting corruption, I was not happy to be labeled "American." I am not proud when our congress people selfishly fight for their parties instead of our safety and well being. I am not proud of our government which is divisive and mean spirited and full of hypocrisy. Nor am I happy to be American when many of us go to other countries wearing hubris on our lapels, proving we are the "ugly" American.

I am not proud that we once enslaved black people. I am not proud of our Civil War. I am not proud that we didn't give women the right to vote until early in the 20th century. I am not proud that we still treat immigrants disrespectfully and that we won't fix our immigration system. I am not proud that we have hungry people in our country but have selfish wealthy who couldn't care less about the poor.

I am not proud of America when we refuse to learn another language, when we allow groups such as the KKK and Westboro Baptist Church to abuse our rights. Instead of calling intimidation what it is, we say, "They are allowed to do this because our Constitution says it's okay." Nowhere in our Constitution does it say people are allowed to harass others.

So I will not say I am proud to be an American.

I can be proud of individuals who put themselves on the line for us to protect our freedom. But more so, I am grateful and humbled and believe our service people deserve honor and respect.

I can be proud of the people who help others. I can be proud of those who strive for peace. But these are not inherently American traits. They are traits of good people.

So does this make me anti-American? Does this make me unpatriotic? I think not.

Others can disagree, of course. That is their right, but it's also my right to say what I feel.

Thank you to our service people, without whom I would not be able to blog freely. I wouldn't last a minute in a fascist state.

Friday, May 06, 2011

Case in point. Union Institute an University could get away with scamming students and tax payers because the DOE did nothing about passing the student loan bucks.

Alan Collinge
Studentloanjustice.org
May 5, 2011
For many years, Academia, the lending industry attached to it, and the US Government failed to inform the public that all of the elements comprising the lending system (lenders, collection companies, guarantors) made far more money when students defaulted on their loans. Nevertheless, this is true fact, and is well documented. More disturbing: recent analysis of the President's Budget data reveals that even the US Department of Education, on average, recovers $1.22 for every dollar paid out in default claims. After collection costs, this still leaves a net revenue of more than 15%. This should be highly alarming to interested readers: These perverted financial incentives are defining characteristics of a predatory lending system. The primary reason for this is that unlike all other types of debt, bankruptcy and other standard consumer protections have been removed from student loans.
The consequences of these types of financial motivations, both for the students, and for the lending system itself are too numerous to describe here, but one very significant result is that during the legislative process, when the schools, lenders, and their lobbyists pressure Congress to raise the allowable loan limits, the Department of Education is one of the only entities available to act in the interest of the students. Instead of voicing concern, or even objections to such proposals, the Department of Education instead remains largely silent, despite their knowledge about the true default rates, etc. This, again, is a key failure in oversight that effectively causes Congress to make decisions without the interests of the borrowers being represented (Of course the lenders and schools claim to have the interests of the students at heart, but their obvious financial motivations obviously discount their credibility on this claim). Therefore, Congress continues to rubberstamp these legislative efforts, and the schools quickly raise their tuitions to reach the new lending ceilings.
If the Department of Education were seeing a material, financial loss with loan defaults, they likely would be far more assertive about the reasons NOT to raise the loan limits...and this would provide a critical check on the process. But they have been largely absent from these debates, and their misaligned interest is certainly the reason why.
So it must be agreed that lack of Department oversight contributes directly to repeated votes by Congress to raise the loan limits, and we've already established the link between this poor oversight, and the removal of consumer protections. So undoubtedly, the removal of standard consumer protections has effectively allowed the schools and lenders to have their way with Congress on this issue.
Critics could argue that the established student advocacy groups should have stepped in to fill this role...and this is obviously a true statement...but the advocates can claim that they did not know that defaults were as high as they were (recent evidencesuggests that the true default rate exceeds 1 in 3), therefore any objections from them (assuming they did object) were not strong. Had they known that defaults were as high as they were, one can only assume that they would have objected far more forcefully.
The current debate surrounding college prices is a confusing mix of rhetoric that typically involves in fingers pointing in all directions..."like a scarecrow in the wind" between lenders, schools, the Department of Education, the student advocates, and Congress. But of these five entities, four were behaving as expected (i,e, schools pushing for raising the limits, advocates wringing their hands in the absence of defensible proof that things were going awry, lenders playing their part as the selfish, amoral entities they are understood to be, Congress debating what they are told, and ultimately voting based upon this debate.)
The Department of Education, however, failed to fulfill its role, and did not disclose to the group the true magnitude of the default problem, as one would expect it to. Therefore they are clearly the party whose behavior can ultimately be questioned with strong justification. Of course citizens have every right to be seethingly resentful and angered by all of these actors to point out what was obvious...that the students were being saddled with outrageous increases in student loan debt, but strictly speaking, the Department's failure is the only one with zero defense.
This is a critical, unambiguous link that is never pointed out, but which is key- the key- to explaining the rampant inflation we have seen in academia over the years.For supporting documentation, See http://studentloanjustice.org/
...and please donate to support our work:

Wednesday, May 04, 2011

Please join a group of national leaders for a private screening and working discussion about the documentary film and community engagement campaign,Not In Our Town: Light In the Darkness.

Launching in conjunction with a national PBS broadcast this September, the campaign will engage public media, civic leaders, schools and diverse community-based organizations in dialogue and action to address anti-immigrant bias and hate crimes, and will introduce models for positive, sustainable local action.

Your voice and participation at this pivotal moment can help define and expand the reach and impact of this multi-year campaign. We hope you can attend and get involved.

About the film:
In 2008, a series of attacks against Latino residents of Patchogue, New York ended with the killing of 37-year-old Marcelo Lucero, an Ecuadorian immigrant who had lived in the village for 13 years.

Seven high school students were charged with repeated assaults on Latino residents in Patchogue in the months leading up to Lucero's death, raising the stakes for school- and community-based action to address youth hate violence.

Over a two-year period, Light In the Darkness follows Mayor Paul Pontieri, the victim's brother, Joselo Lucero, and diverse community stakeholders and residents as they openly address the underlying causes of the violence, work to heal divisions, and initiate a series of ongoing community actions to ensure everyone in their village will be safe and respected.

The strife in this town mirrors some of the most complex and hotly debated topics in our country today, providing a snapshot of the current state of our sharpest divisions over race, immigration, faith, and identity. As the Patchogue story demonstrates, hate is a community challenge, not simply a criminal issue. The town's commitment to taking action in the aftermath of hate provides an inspiring blueprint for people everywhere.

The broadcast of this film on PBS and the accompanying campaign provide us with a powerful opportunity to engage communities in positive discussions about how to counter anti-immigrant bias and intolerance against all groups.

Questions?

For questions or ideas about the campaign and event, please contact Libby McInerny at lmcinerny@niot.org.