Dear Spirit, I went to a seminar given by a highly regarded teacher in the spiritual community, and I was disturbed by a central theme in his discussion which sounded sexist to me; and I wonder if You agree. Do you mind if I quote from his workbook?

-Susan O.

Spirit: Please go ahead.

Susan: “I became interested in what it would mean to come together in a higher consciousness beyond ego – beyond narcissistic self-concern. But when I began to encourage my students to explore this potential, I soon realized that men and women responded very differently. The men found it relatively easy, while my women students would not or could not comply.”

I felt confused and dumbfounded. Aren’t men renowned for their ego? and women famous for catering to it?

Spirit: The seminar leader does seem to be focusing on the ‘speck’ in women’s eyes, without noticing the ‘beam’ in men’s.

Susan: Thank you for saying that.

Spirit: The teacher you are referring to is behaving like a typical ‘Martian’ by trying to ‘fix’ women – in this case, by asking them to be more like men. In male culture, self transcendence is often based on a military model that includes the acceptance of rigorous discipline and willing submission to a greater authority; while, in female culture – transcendence is based more on personal experience. It is often expressed as the kind of self sacrifice that is a natural consequence of compassion.

In a positive sense, the teacher in question wants women to learn to integrate the Spiritual Warrior or male strength in them. Yet, he does so without acknowledging that men need to reverse the honor and internalize their Goddess power. That is the blind spot in ‘Martian’ psychology.

Susan: What can women do about it?

Spirit: Learn to speak up – in an enlightened way.

How to Face Sexism in an Enlightened Way

It is often difficult for women to come out of denial when the man/men in their lives behave in a sexist way – either through fear of censure or of being shamed. Yet, it is important to speak up so history can change.

SIX STEPS TO TAKE:

Come out of denial

Set a clear intention to help heal negative sexism

Avoid any temptation to shame the man/men in question

Share the impact that his/their behavior has on you; and, remember to speak from the heart.

If the man/men shame you in response, continue sharing your experience; and

Let go of your attachment to the outcome; trust the universe to take care of that.

Share your experiences below.

Are Mothers To Blame?

Celine from Orlando, FL writes:

Dear Spirit, I just returned home from a seminar I attended for helping professionals. It was led by a well known psychoanalyst who claimed that Mothers are to blame for 80% or more of their children’s neuroses – without mentioning the father’s role. Could he be right? Or is his viewpoint chauvinistic?

-Celine L.

Spirit: Though the psychoanalyst in question is clearly off base – I can account for some of his reasoning. Of course, a child is surrounded by the mother’s womb during the 9 month long gestation process and definitely internalizes her emotions.

In addition, until the child is a year or so – the Mother-Child bond generally serves as the child’s sense of Self or “I am”

Yet the Father’s imprint is as essential in a different way. His presence is generally felt as the child’s first sense of “Other” or I-Thou relationship. The way he treats the Mother during pregnancy will impact his child’s feeling of well being, starting in utero – as well as his attitude about having the child.

Of course, some children take more after their mother, and others after their father’s side of the family. In this sense, genetic inheritance – as well as the child’s soul predisposition play a key role in the child’s development

Dear Spirit, I would like to ask you about the current trend of older men and much younger women partnering.

As an older woman, I can tell you it is strange to walk into a room without being looked at as dating material by men of your peer group. I have several single women friends who share this experience. We all look young for our age, are in excellent shape and very vital. Of course, it cannot be healthy for younger women to grow up with the expectation that their beauty will be obsolete by the time they are 40 – and to fear their youthful same age marriage will end with their husband trading them in for a younger model. To me, the worst feature of this scene is women’s silence on the subject.

Is this a passing phase? Or, is it the way of the future?

-Jane Ellen

Spirit: If women do not accept it, then it will be a passing fantasy. Curiously, the younger woman who indulges the older man – or seeks him out, is in the sexist position.

Jane Ellen: How so?

Spirit: She sees her youthful beauty as a way to get her need for economic security handled, as well as a guarantee that she will remain viable.

Part of the issue is panic buying due to the post 9/11 economy. Most women naturally prefer a sexual partner who is not old enough – or nearly so, to be their father.

The men who seek much younger women are indulging their Eternal Youth fantasy, and acting out their aging trauma by rejecting the women of their generation as mates – as well as refusing the lesson of the Sage.

Jane Ellen: Which is?

Spirit: True power is spiritual, and beauty is not skin deep. In fact, the timeless beauty the Sage is here to connect with is his Inner Feminine, who is there to guide him on his soul journey – beyond ego – to the next stage of self realization.

What Freud would Say

There is yet another dimension to this problem. The incest pattern Freud described as the ‘Oedipus Complex’ needs healing. In that sense, the increase in Father-Daughter age pairings is auspicious.

Jane Ellen: How so?

Spirit: When the Unconscious is at work to bring change, it will intensify an issue in order to get the attention of the Conscious Mind, as if to say: ‘What is the problem with this picture?’

In this case, the incest drama played out in the home – psychologically, if not sexually, is being portrayed on the stage of the glamour magazines. Most of the younger women who strike this bargain become parentified daughters who are there to stroke ‘daddy’s’ ego and be his trophy doll in exchange for the keys to his kingdom.

Jane Ellen: What is the cure?

Spirit: Economic independence is certainly a key, as is women’s solidarity. Historically, women have been imprinted to compete for alpha men. Yet history is in a flow of change from patriarchy to a co-equal society in which the ‘Double Standard’ is here to be supplanted by the ‘Golden Rule’.

Questions To Ask Yourself

How much has your choice of a mate or mates been determined by economic necessity? If you were free of the concern, would you be living differently?

Have you ever been left for a younger women – or, been afraid it might happen? If so, were you part of the problem?

Have you ever been with a much older man? If so, did you have a job description other than helping him to remain youthful?

How do you feel about the way women are viewed over the issue of their age? Does it disturb you? If so, what do you think women can do to change it?

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YOU ARE INVITED to receive a COMPLIMENTARY SUBSCRIPTION to our weekly newsletter: Ask Spirit's Advice is divided into four segments: Relationtionship Week both answers your questions and explores the evolution of male/female relationships from a personal, historical, and psychodynamic perspective; Soul Week is designed to address the answers to a full spectrum of soul issues - including soul purpose, soul lessons, mind-body symptoms and more; Women's Week takes a look at women's issues against the backdrop of a changing paradigm; Pet Week offers the insight you need to resolve your pet's issues with you as well as yours with them.