I wanted to document my experience as I begin studying Buddhism. I especially want to document my experience and journey and look back on my past convictiosn in the future to see what has changed, if they still stand true, or see if my past self can give me a little guidance. I wanted to invite you all to read and watch the process as well. I plan on writing daily, all of my thoughts, questions, realizations into my blog. I have a personal journal I'm keeping as well. But, whenever I post a new blog, I'll post a link here for you all to read. Please, feel free to discuss anything I post, I wholeheartedly welcome it!

Thank-you so much for those kind words. It's really eye opening. I've made a second blog and it goes into more personal revelations. I know as someone begins to study, you question and let your experiences be your answer to make you a believer. What's beautiful is that these lessons I'm supposed to learn aren't hidden in a story where I have to interpret It's "This is what we're doing as sentient beings and these are the lessons you can take into your life to correct it." Even the smallest adjustment from what I've learned so far has made a difference. This is so enthralling. I'm so happy for the decision I've made.

I regressed. I'm not mad or sad. It's just a realization of how hard this path is. I think I've overwhelmed myself emotionally and mentally. Tomorrow is a new day and I won't lose sleep over it. I'm better than I was and at least I'm growing :]Today's Post.

I know I am only a beginner like you but I think you are doing just fine! As a very good friend of mine once said "Baby steps".

In your last blog you said that you don't know how relationships can repair themselves. Simple answer is that they don't. The participants have to do it, and it is hard, very hard at times, but a mended friendship, repaired with love is often deeper than one that has yet to experience any difficulties. Samuel Johnson once remarked that one should keep one's friendships in constant repair.

I know this is not technically a Buddhist text but I think it is appropriate here:

Your friend is your needs answered.He is your field which you sow with love and reap with thanksgiving.And he is your board and your fireside.For you come to him with your hunger, and you seek him for peace.

When your friend speaks his mind you fear not the "nay" in your own mind, nor do you withhold the "ay."And when he is silent your heart ceases not to listen to his heart;For without words, in friendship, all thoughts, all desires, all expectations are born and shared, with joy that is unacclaimed.When you part from your friend, you grieve not;For that which you love most in him may be clearer in his absence, as the mountain to the climber is clearer from the plain.And let there be no purpose in friendship save the deepening of the spirit.For love that seeks aught but the disclosure of its own mystery is not love but a net cast forth: and only the unprofitable is caught.

And let your best be for your friend.If he must know the ebb of your tide, let him know its flood also.For what is your friend that you should seek him with hours to kill?Seek him always with hours to live.For it is his to fill your need, but not your emptiness.And in the sweetness of friendship let there be laughter, and sharing of pleasures.For in the dew of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed.

This is Today's post. A bit late, but I had this feeling of sickness this morning and decided to relax until I felt it was gone.

I revisited impermanence and death. It still leaves a bit of a drop in my stomach, but finally understanding what the author was trying to convey helped a lot.

I did have a couple of questions:

1) If we come to the understanding that we can't change our environment, how is it exactly all of our unsatificastory expriences is on us?

This question stems from this expert from the book:

Unsatisfactory experiences occur simply because the causes for them exist. One causeis our disturbing attitudes, such as ignorance, attachment, and anger. The other is theharmful actions we have engaged in, such as killing, stealing, and lying, which aremotivated by disturbing attitudes. By developing the wisdom realizing selflessness, wewill eliminate the disturbing attitudes and the contaminated actions they cause, thusstopping the source of our problems.

2) I read the chapter on "Selflessness" and I do not understand one bit. I'm going to look at other literature on the issue, but if someone on the forums could help, that'd be awesome.-------

Thanks Monsoon ^_^ I appreciate those words. There's such a huge negative connotation on the word "failed", but failing isn't always bad, it's always what you do after that experience that determines whether you actually failed or not.