Journalling | Your Submission and Your D/s-M Journey

Journalling

Many times here on subMrs.com we talk about journalling, keeping a journal/diary to write in about your submission. Journalling, writing down your desires, ideas, feelings, and subject matter to use in your downtimes. I want to explore journalling not just your submission but also making a D/s-M Journey Diary. So, old or new to D/s-M, today go buy a journal/diary with a lock. A lock keeps honest people and children out. Bling it out or keep it simple. We can all do this together and have live subMrs chats about our progress. Shall we?

subMrs.com Summer Journal Exercise…….

***Watch the calendar for scheduled chat times about journalling and more exercises on journalling.

Your Submission

When you begin your submission and open communication with your new husDOM’s I will advise you to journal your feelings about things. Then during your downtime, share your feelings and thoughts with him. Now, saying that it is NOT a replacement for face to face communication, like downtime. When newyou can easily make a crutch in your honest communication with a journal. Be careful and let it be your help not your main connection. You need to use the journal as a reference for things to speak to your Sir about. Almost use a bullet point system and shorthand to get your ideas and feelings down then use it to talk face to face, one on one with your Dominant husDOM. Do not just hand him your journal and say read this. Now, if its a story or a scene idea then you can ask him to read those insights and concepts. Your journal is also great to keep track of progress when doing exercises, training and exercises that we do here on subMrs.com. Once you have 6-9 months down you will get pretty good at knowing when to use and when not to use your journal.

Personally

Many times when I am confused on a subject or situation, I will sit and write down my feelings and many times it helps to clarify things so that later I can talk to Mr Fox about it in a more comprehensible way. Sometimes, if I have a big desire to take a step toward an experience that both of us may not be ready for I will write about it and show my Sir. When I look back I wish I journaled the entire D/s-M journey in my paper journal. Much of my beginning got lost in my blogging over time. Now and then I sit down and write down ideas and feelings but to have a personal diary of each phase and steps we took, would be GOLDEN. Sometimes when writing in my journal I feel like I am talking to a best friend and then other times a stranger. When I read back most times, I am writing to “her”, I never have named her but she is D/s-M, she is what I wrote about in my Post Darkness’ Pull . She can seem like a best friend then your worst enemy, very passive aggressive she is. I invite you all to write to her sometimes, she just may be that little spot in the back of your head that you never let out or listen to. LOL!

Your D/s-M

Journalling or keeping a D/s-M Diary, tracking your way and how it progresses doesn’t take a lot of time or commitment. So don’t think you have to write daily, you don’t. You find what will work for you and your own unique dynamic. Many times a D/s-M journey only lasts a few years for a couple. Jotting little details about the ebbs & flows, scenes, feelings about subject matter, your limits, rules and rituals. Then going back together and reading them later on in review, real magic!

First, get your journal/diary and decorate it so it feels unique as the both of you are. Second sit with your husDOM or Dominant and fill out your story’s beginning. Include Formal Acceptance details, actual D/s-M Anniversary. Have your husDOM, sign it like a wedding certificate for example. Then go in and write in your limits, rules and rituals. Now, describe all the feelings you felt around starting your D/s-M. Make sure to mention subMrs.com and husDOM.com… Thank you subbies! Now you’re ready to start journalling……

Journal hints:

First thing to write for the day is 3 things that you are thankful/grateful for.

Write your energy level at top of page for day.

Write any stressors as well for the day.

Write down any goals for the day as well.

husDOM Journal

I call this a little black book. Our Sir’s may have had them before committed to us back in the day. This little black book will be his place to put his Dominant details. Your husDOM can write hints on what you liked during a scene, play or body explorations. Also, he can write about your reactions or reminders for next downtime. Encourage him to write anything he may want to discuss like his desires or situations for discussions in your downtimes. Some husDOM’s like to use paper and some, like Mr Fox like to use his phone app to keep notes in. Again, it depends on the Dominant’s preferences. Mr. Fox talks about this more in his premium membership posts on husDOM.com

Responses

Yes!! So much yes. I am new to the lifestyle and a journaler. I started a new journal just for all the above reasons. I was, still am, having a lot of trouble letting go of all my years of patterns and coping mechanisms that were not very sub like. I would write about them in an effort to expose them to the light of day so I could find a a more submissive way to go about things. It has been invaluable to also right about my punishments and learn from those. But also notes for downtime. I just wish I could get better at actually verbalizing them. In a move toward full transparency, I make my journal available for Daddy to read if He wants to. I don’t know if Daddy reads it or not but the D/s is only there because of Him so the journal is as much His as I am.

Coping Mechanisms, we all have them from our past experiences in life. We all have to learn how to become our new roles. Do these mechanisms make you be controlling or what is the result of them? The punishments you speak of are your D/s punishments? I really want to let you know that D/s-M is not about physical punishments, most ladies on site feel like they do not want to be treated as a child but a partner within the dynamic. Many times a subMrs is harder on herself for letting her husDOM down then any punishment could be. Instead of punishments my Sir and I talk more about “corrections” which are usually well mostly all verbal. After being in the the lifestyle for the past 5 yrs we started with physical punishments but soon figured out that they do not really work with a Married D/s dynamic. There is such a thing as fun-ishment/punishment. Please have your Sir sign up on http://www.husDOM.com, he will get a lot of info there. This post may help..https://submrs.com/vulnerability/… Please Private message me your answers slippery… I wish you the BEST!! LK

I have been journaling since just before Formal Acceptance. This is a requirement given to me by my Sir. At first it was every few days and that was fine because there was so much going on in my head and emotions. Now the requirement is twice a month. This was in order to keep the task fun and not become daunting and loose it’s passion. I leave my journal accessible to Sir and he reads it anytime he wants. No specific time. Sometimes he tells me that he has read something in it and talks about it in downtime, but most of the time I am unaware when he reads it. I am sure that he has read it all though. When he first assigned the task to me, he was very clear that it is a safe place for me to be free and open to write my thoughts, feelings, desires and any thing that I disliked or felt that Sir had a short fall on. Sir’s promise is “no retaliation” for any negative or criticism from any of my journal entries. I write in it for me and my expression and not for what I think Sir wants to read from it, so no embellishments just because I think it would please Sir. I stay true to my thoughts. However, when I first started writing in it, I was writing very straight forward and almost in a text book manner. Sir recommend that I try to use more words that more accurately describes how I feel in side in stead of a plain play by play account. I have to admit that using more passionate words has help me to better describe what I am feeling and give the journal a deeper purpose. Once a year, on our FA anniversary, I skim the book to look for any “firsts” , discovery anniversaries, or hard limits that have become soft limits. We discuss those and think about a goal list for new things for the for the coming year. Pick new firsts and test other limits and document and discovery anniversaries so we can celebrate them when the date comes around. I have to admit I have not read my journal from the beginning as of yet and I plan to when the book is on it’s last page. But so far I am 3 years into the book and have many more pages to go. It is the journey, not the destination and this is a fabulous way to document the journey.

This sounds like a really good idea for me. We, my Sir and I, are new to this lifestyle. We’ve been doing this “thing” for a few weeks now, but it’s felt very organic and natural. I am very strong and independent, but I love to be pampered and taken care of. My Sir is a natural dominant and likes to be in charge. I’ve always thought we have a pretty adventurous sex life, but we haven’t always communicated our desires that well. This sounds so stupid!!! I’m mean, we’ve been married for 10 years and together for 15, and I get so nervous to talk to him about such stuff! Today I told myself, “Ok, tonight we’re gonna sit down and discuss 1,2 and 3.” Y’all!! I get so stinkin’ nervous I forget what 1 and 2 even are! Maybe journaling a list of some sort will help me to communicate more efficiently. HM

HM, please know you are not alone! So many women can have many children with a husband and yet can’t have a face to face conversation about their vagina or their orgasms…… So educate yourself about your role here… read my posts about how to begin, foundations, formal acceptance and wipe the slate clean… Then sit and then do your FA! Good Luck! Let us knwo how it goes! HUGS! LK

My journal arrived today and MrH and I had our second downtime too. The resources and support on this forum is amazing.. I’ve jotted a few fantasies in the journal which I had MrH read because despite being together for 22 years I struggle to put things into words I get embarrassed and blush which MrH finds adorable. Be well everyone

Sweetgirl, I am so happy that your journalling is going to well. It seems to be helping you communicate thing to your husband that you may of not done before. How else will they know our deepest darkest most erotic wishes? Congrats, it sounds like you’re on your way to a wonderful D/s-M journey! HUGS! LK

I just bought my journal this morning. I used to keep a journal a few years ago but it didn’t go very well. Looking back, I think I probably used it in place of face to face communication and certainly to try to influence far too much.

I’ll need to be more disciplined this time to make sure I don’t do that again.

Yes, PK many times that does happen and I warn of this in the post. The journal does not take the place of face to face communications. If it begins to do so then it can be a big issue. I think good communication comes from face to face and being honest and very upfront about the happenings in your D/s-M. The Journal is thoughts, fantasies, maybe sorting out feelings and jotting down processes and your overall diary of your custom journey. Great point! LK

I’ve always enjoyed writing and I can express myself so much better through writing, so I feel this is a must for myself and my Sir. I’ve even brought it up just the other day, and he thinks it’s a great idea. One thing about your post made me sooo sad. When you said “many times a D/s-M only last a few years for a couple”. I got sad bc I don’t want to be one of those couples. I want this for the rest of our lives together. The vanilla alternative, I just don’t want that. Why do you think this happens to so many couples?

Daddy bbg, I have been around long enough now to know that not every couple is committed in the long run. Every couple years life really changes and priorities change with it. There is very few REAL LIFE D/S-M Couples out here. Some people claim D/s but few are doing D/s-M. D/s-M is not just kink… Its about working on your relationship to. But I guess I am saying you can do it forever if thats what you both want to commit to doing. It’s work, team work and both parties have to work and be those roles. So, not many make it past 2 yrs but I have quite a few subbies here that have continued on. There is a time about 2 yrs its like a brick wall you hit, but I talk about it here and hopefully have given the tools for all subbies to recreate and start anew.. HUGS! :L