Mr Go's

As I sit here at 11.43 pm in my underwear,
eating three-day old chicken salad, surrounded by the clutter of a madman, it
suddenly comes to me. The perfect introduction to this issue of my insufferably
named column. Unfortunately, as I begin typing this exquisite intro, a second
realisation hits me, strong enough to erase that extraordinary sequence of
words from my mind forever. Matt Smith is just the next Pokemon evolution of
Tom Holland.

So due to this untimely epiphany, you’ll just
have to make do with this intro instead.

We can’t all live off chicken salad, especially
since it has a life expectancy of two days, involves forking over booze money
for ridiculously priced poultry and veg, and Trump probably eats it.

So, we make do with grotty noodles and
toasted sandwiches that could kill a rat and hope for a future where maybe we
can eat at least two of the five food groups on a weekly basis.

But sometimes it’s a good idea to treat
yourself, and Wellington has a plethora of questionably decorated yet
reasonably priced venues. It is within this plethora that you will find Mr
Go’s, a little restaurant at 59 Taranaki Street. This gem of a place was
established in honour of Mr Ah Go, a Chinese market gardener who lived on Tasman street
in the 1880s.

The owner of what were probably very nice
gardens, Mr Go was approached by the council, who wanted to build upon his land
for the ‘undeniably noble cause’ of building houses for Western folk. Despite
his proposition to develop his land to accommodate both the settlers and his
family, the council flattened his land anyway. It is not known what happened to
Mr Go, but it is entirely possible that he took up painting.

I took a mate with me to Go scope it out. I
was shocked to learn that this tiny nook could seat over a hundred people, and
that every night it was practically overflowing with customers. We took seats
at the bar and decided on what to order.

As an amalgamation of Asian and Western
culture, you’d expect this busy place to have some mighty fine eats. We ordered
a Chicken Gua Bau each, Taiwanese Popcorn Chicken, and the locally famous
Kimchi Loaded Fries.

The popcorn chicken came first, which is so
damn tasty it’ll make you forget KFC even exists. You can alternate dipping it
between the hot chilli sauce and the fresh basil mayo for a love bomb in your
mouth.

Next, we got our Baus, steaming hot, with
dough softer than my legs (last issues’s hair still hasn’t grown back btw), and
the only way I can describe it is if a taco fucked a burger on a bed of hopes
and dreams.

Around this time, they brought out the Kimchi
Loaded Fries. This messy dish is ranked in the top ten fries in Wellington and
was an interesting experience. I’m used to Kimchi tasting like grumpy pickles,
but this Kimchi was much milder, and soaked in something very buttery. The
result was a tangled soppy mess of fries, vegetables, and sauce, but who needs
presentation when you’ve got hot, buttery fries sliding down your gullet.

We finished the food pretty fast, and it was
pleasantly filling. What made the experience even better was knowing that we
weren’t going to blow the bank. At $9 each, the Baus are an insanely affordable
splurge on a night out. I’d recommend getting a Bau for yourself and splitting
a side with a mate. Then you can both Go home with happy bellies for only $15
each.

Even if you’re one of those weirdos that only
eats compost, you’ll be delighted to know that Mr Go’s has Vegetarian, Vegan,
and Gluten Free options. In fact, options are a loose term considering they
make up over half of the menu.

Go on, I hear you say.

If you like grumpy, unfriendly staff then I’m
sorry, you won’t find a shred of that here. If you take warm and lively
attitudes, A-Grade professionalism, and large quantities of physical
attractiveness, baked at 180C for 30 minutes, you have yourself the staff of Mr
Go’s. Serves a hundred.

The only critique I can make is that dark
green and pink clash worse than Elastigirl and skinny jeans, and I have often
been skeptical of this colour scheme as I Go past this place to and from work.
However, as I have said earlier, presentation is irrelevant when you provide
such a quality experience. Besides, it’s nicer on the inside anyway, with a
furnished bar, deep red lights, and a row of cheeky Maneki-neko cats. I do
think it can feel a little cramped during peak hours, but when your influx of
customers threatens to exceed your seating plan, sometimes you’ve got to accept
a little harmonious in-between.

You’ll find it hard to book here, Mr Go’s
doesn’t reserve for less than four people, but you shouldn’t have any troubles
rocking up and squeezing in. Go grab some mates, get out of that mouldy flat,
and reward yourselves for all the hard work you’re supposed to be doing that
you’re putting off until Monday.

If you’re still not convinced, then let me
put it another way. Experiences come and Go, and if you don’t Go in the
direction of those experiences, you’ll find that as the years Go by, your world
will become the worst thing that has ever existed in human history.

Ordinary.

If you’re ever unsure about something, the
answer is always give it a Go.