Small talk is when someone talks to you in a polite way about something unimportant. Small talk is when a friend’s mom says, “Hi! How are you today?” and you say, “Fine.” It’s when a bus driver opens the door, looks down at the slush on the road, and says, “Cold out there, huh?”

A lot of people hate it and find it annoying, but small talk has its place. It smoothes out social interactions and makes simple exchanges between strangers (e.g., you and the bus driver) more pleasant. It can also serve as a launching pad for actual conversation.

The worst kind of small talk, though, is when you have to do it with a stranger—like when someone introduces you to another person at a party and then leaves, or when you and your friend go out for breakfast with her friend from out of town, and your friend gets up and goes to the bathroom, leaving you with a stranger you must be friendly to. What do you say now?

Don’t panic! Repeat after me: “So, what did you do today?” Emphasis on the you. Ask this question while forming your face into an I-am-so-fascinated-by-and-interested-in-you expression, and you have yourself the perfect small-talk opener.

It works every time. You’re not asking something boring or trite, like “So…what do you do?” or “Where are you from?” or “Uh…do you have any hobbies?” No. No one likes answering those questions. But if you ask something too specific, like “Read any good books lately?” a lot of people won’t have an answer for you because they can’t think of the last good thing they read, and they wind up feeling like total idiots even though they totally read great stuff all the time (ugh!). Instead, you are asking them a pointed question that everyone has an answer for—often a really interesting one!

But let’s say their answer is not exactly a thrilling tale of derring-do. Usually, it isn’t. Most people will give you a really banal laundry list: “Well, I went to school, and then I had dinner, and now I’m here, ha ha.” Your job is to seize on the one thing that sounds even vaguely interesting to you, and then drag the details out of them. For instance:

You: Oooh, what’d you have for dinner?Them: Pizza.You: What kiiiiiind of pizza?Them: Ha ha, um, pepperoni.You: Is that your favorite?Them: Yeah. But I like sausage, too.You: So you’re not a vegetarian, I take it?Them: Nope. But my sister is.You: Oh, that’s cool. Is your sister older or younger?Them: She’s older.You: I have an older sister, too. Did yours use to beat you up?

OMG, LOOK, YOU ARE TALKING!

Small talk is not hard—it is 100% about being (or even just faking being) super interested in another person. Most people are really good at talking about themselves—all you have to do is ask questions. You can do that!

3. Getting Wrinkles Out of Clothes Really Fast

You’re going somewhere and you have to look nice NOW, but the places you usually keep your clothes are on the floor, wadded up in drawers, and in backpacks. Welcome to my life (no need to take off your shoes).

Because we don’t have time for irons or steamers (and even if we did, let’s be real, would we be ironing and steaming?), I have a trick for you. You know that Downy Wrinkle Releaser stuff that’s like eight bucks? You spray it on clothes and they become magically unwrinkled. That stuff is amazing. It’s a miracle. And you can make your own version at home in less than 30 seconds, for almost no money.

1. Combine 2 cups of water with 2 teaspoons of liquid fabric softener in a spray bottle.

2. Shake it hard.

3. Spray a fine mist over your wrinkled-as-hell garment.

4. Gently tug on the hem and sides, then smooth the wrinkles out with your hand.

5. Walk out the door wrinkle-free.

Gosh, you’re always so well-groomed!

4. Getting Your Parents/Guardians to Loosen Their Vice-Grip

OK, you screwed up. Your parents finally, finally just started allowing you to borrow the car on the weekend, and what did you do? You piled all your friends into the backseat, drove to another town, went to a party your parents didn’t know about, and massively underestimated the amount of time it would take to get back, meaning you missed your curfew by miles. One of your friends smoked in the car, and even though the windows were down, your parents can definitely smell it.

You are grounded. You are so grounded you will never again see the light of day, and you are definitely never, ever, ever going to have your mitts wrapped around the steering wheel of your parents’ car. Help.

Well, honey bun, you earned this. I know. I’m sorry, it sucks, but seriously, come on. Look at it from your parents’ point of view. They were hesitant to let you borrow the car (or go to the next town over, stay out late, go to a party, etc.) because they weren’t sure if you were ready for that kind of responsibility, and you basically just waved neon red flags that say NOPE, NOT READY in front of their faces. They were sooo right, and they’re not going to give you another chance to blow it for a loooong time.

Here’s a way to maybe make things a little better:

1. Meekly accept the grounding. You are, after all, in the wrong.

2. Keep meekly accepting the grounding for a surprisingly long time. Shock everyone with how calm you are about it. No whining, no crying, no begging. Just stay quietly grounded and lead a responsible life doing what your parents tell you to do.

3. When it’s been a good long while, and you’ve accepted that you blew it, and you feel confident you will not screw up like that ever again…seize on the right moment to approach your parents and say you’d like to talk to them.

4. Begin by sincerely apologizing for your behavior that night. You know how.

5. Follow the apology by stating what you will do in the future if given a similar opportunity. For instance: “I know I don’t have car privileges right now, and that’s OK, but I want you to know that I understand that what I did was wrong. If you give me another chance, I will not take the car anywhere without telling you where I’m going, because that isn’t safe. I will be home by curfew, because I know it’s only there to protect me. Also, I will never allow anyone to smoke in the car, period.”

6. Here is the kicker. It’s the most important part. Follow your sincere apology and statement of future intent with this little gem: “I would like the opportunity to show you that I can be responsible and trustworthy sometime in the near future. In order to show you that, I need the freedom to improve myself and to be able to make the right choices.”

And then leave it alone. Don’t beg for the car, don’t make wild promises. Just try this. My friend Lexi taught me the part about “needing freedom to make the right choices” and she is onto something. Parents like it. It’s mature and well thought out. If they say no, don’t argue. Concede defeat gracefully, like the super reasonable person you are. You gave it your best shot, and becoming less mature now certainly isn’t going to improve anything.

And when you do get the car back, don’t shoot yourself in the foot like that again, OK?

I had decided that 2014 was the year that I’m going to go out and fearlessly ask cute guys and girls out and now I’ve found the key to doing it and I’m totally gonna use it now. Thank you so much for this Krista!

My humble opinion:
If it looks like you’d actually both have free time to talk more, maybe you could do that. If you’re feeling too nervous for a full-blown conversation or have somewhere to be (or feel like they’re too busy to talk, etc) – whip out a piece of paper/napkin + writing utensil and give them your name/number. While you do that, say “I’ve got to run, but I enjoyed meeting you and I’d love to talk again sometime.” If you’d like to stay, you could ask, “You seem like a really cool person; I’d love to get to know you better. [or "I'd love to talk to you more about X" or "I'd love to hear your opinions on Y"]. Do you have a few minutes to sit and talk?” If they seem at all hesitant, make your exit. :)

Since I am as awkward as they come I got used to neglecting social norms regarding social interaction. If you leave me alone with someone I don’t know I will just say the weirdest thing that comes into my mind. Nothing offensive of course. Instead of the usual “How are you doing?” I just jump into “Hi. You know, when I was little I slept with a doll because I thought that if I didn’t, she would kill me in my sleep. How about your favourite toys?”. Although a little strange I found that it makes people feel at ease…

Oh my gosh! The asking out a stranger will come in handy! I am sadly the person who sees a cute stranger, and hopes I catch them staring at me! (never happens) Another fantastic Rookie article that made my life better! <3

I NEEDED THIS!!! Especially the one about gmail. Ugggggh, I could’ve so used that tip yesterday (I sent my friend two of my design projects that I’m really embarrassed about now) but totally useful for future reference!! And I really want to use the last tip some day :))

What if the person is a creep and sends you gross/scary things via email? Or what if your email has your full name in it and they try to stalk you? I know that’s the chance you take with a lot of people, but when you haven’t even spoken a word to this person you have no idea how they could react. And maybe I’m in the minority, but I would be pretty weirded out if someone just handed me a note with their contact info letting me know they’ve been staring at me the whole time.

then you can just write your phone number and first name. if you have multiple emails, you can use the one without your full name in it. it would be safer i guess. or if you pass by a lot of cute people then you can create an entire email account about it haha. but i don’t think it’s necesarry. if you use an email that doesn’t include your full name, you can always block that person. most of the email provider-server-things (i don’t know what they’re called asdjhf.) have this ability. and in my country it’s available to block phone numbers, too. so i think it would be okay as long as you just give your first name.

and yeah, you may be weirded out (me too) but there’s a possibility that you may like that person. maybe they’re so cute and blushed when they were giving you that piece of paper, and you may like that etc. that’s why they’re giving you their info, if you are weirded out, you won’t call them. if you like them, you’ll call them. you won’t probably see this person ever again anyways.

YESSSS. Krista, I was SO hoping you’d write another life skills article. So much good advice, especially the first and last bits–I am usually terrible at going up and talking to people I don’t know, but these should help. :)

I love love love love LOVE this series. They are really working and these ones were specifically my problems. Especially the ones about small talking and being broke :( Seriously, this series are amazing. Can’t you guys make it more general? I love Krista of course, but if everyone shares their life skills we would be learning more of them :D like every month or something.

I actually have problems with the first situation(getting out of talking with people I dislike). If someone’s being rude to me, I don’t know what to do. Do I tell them off with the risk of making a scene, or do I just politely walk away without defending myself? If I walk away, then I have a fear that they’ll talk about me behind my back and say rude things about me. I know I shouldn’t feel this way, but I feel unconfident with either of the approaches I just mentioned. It’s something I have to work on :/

Once again, Krista, you have SAVED. MY. LIFE. I love reading and rereading Life Skills. Thank you for all these great tips! I was particularly impressed by, ahem, the Ask a Stranger Out segment. I’m absolutely and completely afraid of all boys, but this will really help! Thanks again! You’ve made my day.

Wow. Advice likes this makes me feel like I’ve spent my entire life making things so much more difficult than they could be! The last one is beautiful oh my. I see cute strangers all the time omg. Such fab life tips. Thanks so so much

i started homeschool in the sixth grade and ever since then i’ve become incredibly inadequate in the social interaction department.i’m gonna use the last one to maybe make friends.i cant ask people out,i’ve never done it,but i’m imagining bad bad things.

In all those girly whirly oh-my-gosh-people-can-be-so-self-obssessed magazines, the tutorials they write are no help. Zilch, nada (i.e. Q: How to prevent yourself from blushing in front of your crush A: Hold your breath, but still try and look cute. ‘Cause that’s really going to work.)

But THIS man, this was amazing. I’m so glad because these tips are ACTUALLY so new and helpful and wow.

Thanks wow! Great article. I think the Small Talk topic is very interesting, just because i’m so bad at it. I wish I could just follow a class for small talking, and this already helped me further!

I always like it when you’re in an awkward scene where you are SUPPOSED to small talk, but the other person is a socially awkward wallflower too, and you are both sunken in deep thoughts, and no one even cares about the missing small talk anymore!

I’ve just realised that I always ask “so, what did YOU do today?” in awkwardy small talk situations! I feel very accomplished now I know that it’s a Life Skill and I’m doin it riiight. I’m gonna challenge myself now to ask a stranger out ! :)

Kinda far out, but I think it would be cool if you took all of these Life Skills 101 articles and turned them into a mini book? Like one small enough to carry around in a purse, say the side of a crossword puzzle book! I know I would definitely buy a copy for myself, and ones for friends, too. :)

Unless you’re purely looking for sex, you should let the person you think might be asexual know that you they’re cute, too! Lots of ace folk are romantic want a romantic relationship!!! This is because sex and romance aren’t the same thing, and so a disinterest in participating in sex is not automatically a disinterest in romance!

Otherwise, this article is ACTUALLY THE BEST THE WRINKLE THING OH MY ??!?!

This is so great. I get so tired of teen magazines’ “asking him out” advice because it always hovers around weird scripted ABCfamily-show-like scenarios that don’t happen in real life. For some reason telling him he’s a “cutie” before “sexily tossing his hair”, eyeing his friend and kissing him on the cheek with *insert brand* lip stain never was my cup of tea. The cute vanishing is easy, though.

Hi, queen people! April’s theme is BOTH SIDES NOW, which considers the many different answers to THE BIG QUESTIONS, whatever those are for you. If you’ve got a project or pitch about seeing things in a whole new light, please email it to submission@rookiemag.com.

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