Interview with Amna Ahmad

"writer, teacher, and general compass"

I met Amna at a Barbara Sher WriteSpeak retreat in Saluda, N.C. - and was impressed by her beauty and depth!

When we had our interview call (April 2010) Amna was excited about her blog, The Pragmatic Hybrid, which was in the final stages of design. We talked a bit about the blog - she mentioned that it might have an:

all-over-the-place feel in the beginning...it will be poems, rants about books I read, all the stuff I'm interested in...

some might be tangential, but thematically tie in - it's boring to go to somebody's blog where they're an expert all the time.

My central organizing concept for The Pragmatic Hybrid is the idea that we have all these different parts we have to incorporate in some meaningful, sensible way (instead of sticking to some ideology or dogma we inherit or that we latch onto)...

And there are practical concerns (rather than ideological) that feed into how we do this...

See what I mean about her depth!?! Meet the lovely Amna Ahmad...

~ ~ ~ ~

How Do You See Yourself as a Square-Peg?

How do I not see myself a Square-Peg? Until recently (in my grown-up life) I felt like I was never in any circumstance where I was like everyone else.

I was always weird and standing out in some way.

Growing up - the most obvious ways were racial and religious. I didn't even understand it. Growing up I felt weird, not right: "One of these things is not like the others."

But I didn't understand, I didn't have the vocabulary for really understanding what the weirdness was about. And of course everybody, when you're an adolescent, feels weird in some way.

It wasn't until I left home, got some perspective (moved to New York and was among people who didn't think I was strange) - then I got that it was being different from everyone else that was the big formative thing for me - what one of my friends calls "the formative wound" - the defining thing.

And it's the hugest thing that makes me who I am.

How Do You Maintain Your Square-Pegness (in a round-hole world)?

I honestly don't know the answer to that question. I don't feel like it's an effort. If anything - at different times of my life I've made more of an effort to not fit in.

And then not succeeding because, you know, you never really do.

I feel like the Square-Pegness is central to my psyche...

The trouble is more how to put it aside sometimes...When I'm in a situation where I'm not a Square-Peg, where I seem to fit in with everything around me, it makes me kind of uncomfortable.

I feel weird then. It's not bad - just an unusual feeling. It disrupts my equilibrium: "I'm not strange here, I don't like it." Unique is special!

This happens to me when I go to Karachi. Apparently - superficially - you would look at me there and you wouldn't know I was visiting from America. I speak the language.

Of course, if you talked to me for awhile it would come out - maybe I'd say something or there'd be some weird body language that would out me as foreign. But on the surface level I'm blending in. Nobody looks twice at me and I find it very annoying.

The thing that's been your disability becomes your signature.

I find myself looking at people constantly there - trying to see who's trying to figure me out - and they're not. "What's the matter with you (because you're not trying to figure me out)?" {Laughing} ...it's an ego thing.

What Has Been the Hardest For You as a Square-Peg?

I think the hardest thing is accepting, right? It's sort of like accepting that what I have and what I am is a gift - and something to cultivate - instead of trying to treat it as a disability that has to be worked around or compensated for.

If, in the moment, you're not accepting how you are - how do you switch into that - what's your process?

There are a couple ways: one is by putting on a cool face. The idea behind it is: {Laughing} if I'm going to think that I'm the shit, then everyone has no choice but to get behind that.

The other way is: I look at everyone else and kind of grow under that superficial: "we're trying to be part of this crowd" thing. And I realize that every single person is having the same conversation with themselves - that comparison thing:

"How do I stack up with other people?" It's part of being a community animal. Remembering that helps me soften up to everyone and myself too. We're all doing that - a lot!

What Is Your Favorite Square-Peg Trait?

I'm kind of relentless, really. I want to say stubborn, but it's not the right word...

I can't be put off of seeking out information - clues and knowledge. I'm always seeking that stuff.

And it's not a choice, it's not like I do it because I like it or because I want to. It's not really optional - it's part of how I'm made.

I feel like so much of what I am and have come to is because of that - because of my relentlessly seeking knowledge. I wish knowledge was a less corny thing to seek...

I never know enough about myself or about the world. The downside of that is chronic low-level dissatisfaction - because I never know enough!

It's never: "Oh, I learned a lot today, I can rest." It doesn't happen that way for me.

Did you have that trait even as a kid?

Yeah, when I was a kid it manifested in talking a lot, asking lots of questions. I read like a fiend - reading nonstop. I think that was the little kid way of reaching out to get a handle on the world...

What Are Your Favorite Books?

It's funny because I have fewer and fewer favorites.

As you learn more your tastes grow. You get more discerning and harder to please. And I'm a writer, so the more I learn about how things work backstage, the harder it is to pull something over on me.

It's kind of sad, you know? With great knowledge comes great sorrow. You don't enjoy stuff as much - it has to be really excellent.

One of my favorite books of all time is Mating by Norman Rush. He was in his 60's before that novel came out - and it made a big splash. It's a fantastic story.

A love story, basically - but it just changed my life. My heart was broken when it ended. I bought his other book immediately - but it's been sitting on my shelf ever since because I don't have the nerve to read it.

It's amazing. Obviously the writer is a guy - his protagonist is a female grad student in anthropology. She has this obsessive love thing with another anthropologist and they live in this utopian community in the middle of the desert.

It's just this fabulous all-over-the-place love story. I've never seen a male writer do a female character - her point of view - like he did.

And right now I just finished reading - {laughing} I'm a little embarrassed...I shouldn't say this, it might go on record forever...I'm reading...do you know True Blood, the vampire show on HBO? I'm not a consumer of vampire stuff in general, but this is a really hot vampire show with fine-ass men...

And I read the novels that they're based on. There are nine of them so far, and I'm completely hooked on these corny novels.

I read them in a flash - they're in a little town in Louisiana, with a super charming main character...really entertaining stuff.

I'm wondering what it is that hooked me, because I can't remember the last time I had so much pleasure. I think it's that the author has a firm grasp on story - interesting things happen - you're like: "Ooh, what happens next?"

Character and story - it's making me, from a writerly perspective, think a lot about story and what makes something compelling.

Amna also coaches - she works with people "who are not content to follow an unexamined path" (sounds like Square-Peg material, yes?). Follow the link to find out more about Amna's coaching for hybrids.

Comments

Interview with Amna Ahmad

"writer, teacher, and general compass"

I met Amna at a Barbara Sher WriteSpeak retreat in Saluda, N.C. - and was impressed by her beauty and depth!

When we had our interview call (April 2010) Amna was excited about her blog, The Pragmatic Hybrid, which was in the final stages of design. We talked a bit about the blog - she mentioned that it might have an:

all-over-the-place feel in the beginning...it will be poems, rants about books I read, all the stuff I'm interested in...

some might be tangential, but thematically tie in - it's boring to go to somebody's blog where they're an expert all the time.

My central organizing concept for The Pragmatic Hybrid is the idea that we have all these different parts we have to incorporate in some meaningful, sensible way (instead of sticking to some ideology or dogma we inherit or that we latch onto)...

And there are practical concerns (rather than ideological) that feed into how we do this...

See what I mean about her depth!?! Meet the lovely Amna Ahmad...

~ ~ ~ ~

How Do You See Yourself as a Square-Peg?

How do I not see myself a Square-Peg? Until recently (in my grown-up life) I felt like I was never in any circumstance where I was like everyone else.

I was always weird and standing out in some way.

Growing up - the most obvious ways were racial and religious. I didn't even understand it. Growing up I felt weird, not right: "One of these things is not like the others."

But I didn't understand, I didn't have the vocabulary for really understanding what the weirdness was about. And of course everybody, when you're an adolescent, feels weird in some way.

It wasn't until I left home, got some perspective (moved to New York and was among people who didn't think I was strange) - then I got that it was being different from everyone else that was the big formative thing for me - what one of my friends calls "the formative wound" - the defining thing.

And it's the hugest thing that makes me who I am.

How Do You Maintain Your Square-Pegness (in a round-hole world)?

I honestly don't know the answer to that question. I don't feel like it's an effort. If anything - at different times of my life I've made more of an effort to not fit in.

And then not succeeding because, you know, you never really do.

I feel like the Square-Pegness is central to my psyche...

The trouble is more how to put it aside sometimes...When I'm in a situation where I'm not a Square-Peg, where I seem to fit in with everything around me, it makes me kind of uncomfortable.

I feel weird then. It's not bad - just an unusual feeling. It disrupts my equilibrium: "I'm not strange here, I don't like it." Unique is special!

This happens to me when I go to Karachi. Apparently - superficially - you would look at me there and you wouldn't know I was visiting from America. I speak the language.

Of course, if you talked to me for awhile it would come out - maybe I'd say something or there'd be some weird body language that would out me as foreign. But on the surface level I'm blending in. Nobody looks twice at me and I find it very annoying.

The thing that's been your disability becomes your signature.

I find myself looking at people constantly there - trying to see who's trying to figure me out - and they're not. "What's the matter with you (because you're not trying to figure me out)?" {Laughing} ...it's an ego thing.

What Has Been the Hardest For You as a Square-Peg?

I think the hardest thing is accepting, right? It's sort of like accepting that what I have and what I am is a gift - and something to cultivate - instead of trying to treat it as a disability that has to be worked around or compensated for.

If, in the moment, you're not accepting how you are - how do you switch into that - what's your process?

There are a couple ways: one is by putting on a cool face. The idea behind it is: {Laughing} if I'm going to think that I'm the shit, then everyone has no choice but to get behind that.

The other way is: I look at everyone else and kind of grow under that superficial: "we're trying to be part of this crowd" thing. And I realize that every single person is having the same conversation with themselves - that comparison thing:

"How do I stack up with other people?" It's part of being a community animal. Remembering that helps me soften up to everyone and myself too. We're all doing that - a lot!

What Is Your Favorite Square-Peg Trait?

I'm kind of relentless, really. I want to say stubborn, but it's not the right word...

I can't be put off of seeking out information - clues and knowledge. I'm always seeking that stuff.

And it's not a choice, it's not like I do it because I like it or because I want to. It's not really optional - it's part of how I'm made.

I feel like so much of what I am and have come to is because of that - because of my relentlessly seeking knowledge. I wish knowledge was a less corny thing to seek...

I never know enough about myself or about the world. The downside of that is chronic low-level dissatisfaction - because I never know enough!

It's never: "Oh, I learned a lot today, I can rest." It doesn't happen that way for me.

Did you have that trait even as a kid?

Yeah, when I was a kid it manifested in talking a lot, asking lots of questions. I read like a fiend - reading nonstop. I think that was the little kid way of reaching out to get a handle on the world...

What Are Your Favorite Books?

It's funny because I have fewer and fewer favorites.

As you learn more your tastes grow. You get more discerning and harder to please. And I'm a writer, so the more I learn about how things work backstage, the harder it is to pull something over on me.

It's kind of sad, you know? With great knowledge comes great sorrow. You don't enjoy stuff as much - it has to be really excellent.

One of my favorite books of all time is Mating by Norman Rush. He was in his 60's before that novel came out - and it made a big splash. It's a fantastic story.

A love story, basically - but it just changed my life. My heart was broken when it ended. I bought his other book immediately - but it's been sitting on my shelf ever since because I don't have the nerve to read it.

It's amazing. Obviously the writer is a guy - his protagonist is a female grad student in anthropology. She has this obsessive love thing with another anthropologist and they live in this utopian community in the middle of the desert.

It's just this fabulous all-over-the-place love story. I've never seen a male writer do a female character - her point of view - like he did.

And right now I just finished reading - {laughing} I'm a little embarrassed...I shouldn't say this, it might go on record forever...I'm reading...do you know True Blood, the vampire show on HBO? I'm not a consumer of vampire stuff in general, but this is a really hot vampire show with fine-ass men...

And I read the novels that they're based on. There are nine of them so far, and I'm completely hooked on these corny novels.

I read them in a flash - they're in a little town in Louisiana, with a super charming main character...really entertaining stuff.

I'm wondering what it is that hooked me, because I can't remember the last time I had so much pleasure. I think it's that the author has a firm grasp on story - interesting things happen - you're like: "Ooh, what happens next?"

Character and story - it's making me, from a writerly perspective, think a lot about story and what makes something compelling.

Amna also coaches - she works with people "who are not content to follow an unexamined path" (sounds like Square-Peg material, yes?). Follow the link to find out more about Amna's coaching for hybrids.

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