The Prime Minister has held an emergency cabinet meeting to implore his colleagues to not risk breaking wind in the house of representatives lest they run the risk of losing confidence.

“Look things are tight in parliament right now and as they say loose lips sink ships,” said the Prime Minister. “So I ask my colleagues to not risk breaking wind as the follow through could be catastrophic not only to Australia’s borders but to parliament’s cleaners.”

When asked whether he would consider going to an early election the Prime Minister replied: “Why would I do that?”

“Sure everyone loves a democracy sausage well everybody except for the bloody Greens, but wanting a sausage is no reason to go to an early election.”