Underage drinking, and a couple of other areas I wouldn't care to mention. But I don't think I've broken the law any more than yourtypical Scotsman!

When did you last walk out of a movie?

About a yea r ago. It was in Los Feliz in LA and it was a mixture of the movie, which no way in a million years could I reveal because the people who made it are far too powerful, and the theatre. I swear it was like I was looking at a small TV screen faraway and it was dirty. I thought there were better ways to spend my day.

What's your favourite vegetable?

Carrot. As a kid I loved to chew around the outside and get at that inner core, that little root. I was a real nibbler;

Who were you in your first school play?

I was one of the Three Kings in the Nativity, the one that brought myrrh. I kept thinking, "Why am I not bringing a gift that's worth something? What's my motivation?" Even then, I knew I was destined to play another king. "He should be bringing an army of 300 guys and kicking some ass! This is BORING!"

How much is a pint of milk?

Do you want the honest answer or the lying answer? Okay, honestly, I just texted my buddy, Russell, and asked, "How much is a f*cking pint of milk?" He texted back and said, "About 55p, but it's all gone metric, baby!"

What's your karaoke song of choice?

The Doors' L. A. Woman is one that I love. Though it's a long song, so sometimes you get stuck in the instrumentais in the middle and you're dancing around while people are going, "Get a f*cking move on!"

How is Lost going to end?

Like it started - not on my radar!

What one thing do you do better than anyone else you know?

My Alien Coming Out Of John Hurt's Stomach routine! I've got it so good I can make it look like my fist is coming out of my stomach. I can do everything except have my chest burst open and blood pour out. I do this at parties, kids' birthday bashes and weddings.

What would be the title of your autobiography?

What The f**k Just Happened? Either that, or What The Butler Saw.

What's the biggest dog you've seen?

I don't know about the biggest, but I can tell you the strangest. It was in Sofia, Bulgaria, when I was making The Cherry Orchard. One night we came out of our hotel and there were two dogs standing back-to-back. And one has its back leg shoved inside the other. To this day, I do not know what was going on. But they were both stuck, panting with their tongues hanging out, looking at us like, "Look, we know this is fucked up!"

[ILLUSTRATION OMITTED]

What would be your final meal on Death Row?

Steak and kidney pie with some peas and boiled potatoes. Then sponge pudding and custard. I don't drink, and I think I might like to go out with Champagne. And women. That would be good. Just keep it coming. "Are you finished?" "No1 1 need my 1 6th dessert! And three Brazilian babes!"

What's your favourite joke?

This guy goes into a doctor's office and says. "Doctor, I'm not gay or anything, but everytime I look in the mirror, I get a hard-on." The doctor says. "I'm not surprised, you look like a cunt."

On a scale of one to ten, how hairy is your arse?

'm going to play safe here and go for a five. Right down the middle! Right down the crack!