Larry King Hits on Sarah Palin: Wife & Mistress 'Not Happy!'

Larry King, now batting 0-8 in the game of Marriage, tried to battle out of his slump by attempting to introduce a player into his line up in the form of Right Handed Hard Hitting Slugger and all around 'gamer' Sarah Palin.

The desperate 76 year old hunched backed talk show host who wears suspenders in order to stiffen his spine, to little avail, has been under continued pressure since his wife filed for divorce over his off field tryouts of her much younger and better looking sister , who according to Larry, who has a keen eye for spotting talent says, "Shannon has all the tools to make it in the 'bigs' with me!"

However, with the cat now out of the bag, Larry is clearly looking to the future and may be planning to trade up while dumping some of the high priced alimony which has been threatening his salary cap, now approaching that of Paul McCartney who is supporting a one legged ice skater.

Eyeing the popular former Alaskan Governor, Sarah Palin, Larry started his negotiations on air the other night by urging Ms. Palin to pose NUDE for a major man's magazine.

"I'd love to see Sarah nude, or maybe clad in only a wolf pelt," said Larry, licking his lips and attempting to secure his dentures with his tongue," I think she's be great in my lineup, and I'd love to hit behind her. I think my ratings would stop sinking too if I could just nail her!"

Network execs are concerned that the boring host has outlived his usefulness with his ratings now about even with Keith Olbermann with both of them not even having a batting average above their own weights. King's contract is up this year, and no one from the network is making any noise about renewing it as of press time.

Following the success of Kate Gosselin on Dancing with the Stars, where people turned in just to watch a 'gory train wreck' according to critics, it is said that TLC is eyeing a Reality Show where Larry Moves in with Kate and Octomom Nadja Suleman where he provides fatherly advice on how to improve their career, with the cloud of implied incest lurking in the background.

According to Gov. Palin's staff, Larry has recently sent dozens of red roses, a custom $25,000 snowmobile, and a rare double barreled 12 gauge Parker shotgun valued at $39,500 in a failed attempt to woe her to appear on his show.

Said Aimee Monolutuk, the Governor's Eskimo spokesman in between sucking on some whale jerky, " Larry's pretty good at chewing the fat, but when it comes time to step into the box, he's a pretty weak hitter!"

It is assumed from those comments that Ms. Palin won't be appearing NUDE anytime soon with Mr. King, on or off the air.

Make Morse's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)