Writers Poll: Who took the best Stone Cold Stunner?

In the spirit of the WWE arriving in Boston this week for Raw, the acclaimed writers here at the Jam decided to spark up a writers poll for one of the greatest WWE personalities of all time..Stone Cold Steve Austin. Stone Cold dominated our era. He was everywhere and built the then WWF into an entertainment explosion for every Sunday Night (Heat), Monday Night (Raw), and Thursday Night (Smackdown). Nobody hated Stone Cold. Not even all the sorry SOB’s that he punished with his notorious finishing move, the Stone Cold Stunner (by the way it’s not gay to wax poetic about a fake sport while being in your mid 20’s). Which brings us to the ever important question that brought a serious debate upon the Jam staff. Who took the best Stone Cold Stunner? With wrestling being a fake sport, there were times when the finishing move didn’t exactly go to plan and the recipient had to act like he just got shot in the spine with a rifle in order to sell the move. Other times the dare I say “Stunnie” would actually look like they got their head snapped off onto Stone Cold’s shoulders. So with the good and bad takes of this finishing move, I gathered the Jam writers (or ones that answered my call) to voice their opinion to who took the best Stone Cold Stunner of all time. And Kooz, you’re up…

Kooz:

Out of the thousands of stunners performed by Stone Cold, the person or persons in this case that took that best Stone Cold Stunner is the entire McMahon family. Bold pick, but it’s just absolutely ridiculous. He literally stuns Vince, Shane, Stephanie, and Linda. He stuns two chicks. It’s obscene and hilarious all at the same time. I also enjoy how he flips off each member of the family to drive his point across. Stone Cold is the man and he knows how to stick it to the man, and the women in this case. Also, there is nothing like hearing a solid “booyeah” at the 54 second mark. Here’s to you Stone Cold. Well played sir.

Scal:

The best stunner far and away is Vincent Kennedy McMahon. It shouldn’t even be questioned. This guy has done some crazy shit on television I agree; he pissed himself, he had other guys kiss his ass, he kissed other guys asses, but nonetheless when it came time to deliver that epic Stone Cold stunner, guy gave it his all. Legs flailing, arms waving, neck breaking, jaw dropping action every time Vince got stunned. If you can find a better entertainer when it came time to unleash the famous finisher by the Texas rattlesnake, then I will officially resign from The Jam……again…….

Mr. MBA:

Let me begin by expressing my love for the Stone Cold Stunner. I think I used that move over 1,000 times in my life until I turned 22 and realized it was childish… and people stopped finding it cool when I would kick them as hard as I could in the stomach and then try to break their neck as I drove it down to the ground with all of my force until it was stopped abruptly by my shoulder. Anyways, the best stunner of all time was against the Rock. First of all the Rock was all the hype in wrestling at this time and Stone Cold seemed to be on his way out. The Rock was really giving it to Austin and then boom, deal with that you SOB

Guar:

Although there have been many memorable stunners on WWE executives, announcers, and even Hollywood celebrities the best Stone Cold Stunner goes to the one and only Razor Ramon. Now judging from the ESPN documentary, at this time I’m not sure if it was the impact of the stunner or the massive amount of drugs Razor was on that made this Stunner so epic. At 6″7 weighing close to 300 lbs, Hall was shot into the air like he was actually getting shot with a stun gun. I’m pretty sure that this stunner dulled the Razor for the rest of his career. Just watching this video makes Guar want to smash two Keystone Lights together and pound them by myself while the shattering glass music is playing in the background.

Moose:

I’ve spent a lot of time going over this question. Yes the McMahons took great stunners and flailed their bodies afterwords like a dolphin getting choked, but I decided to dig deeper. And in the deep archives of the WWF I found a video that might have put the Stunner on the map. Jim Ross a.k.a. JR was the recipient of this stunner. And to date, I believe he took it the best in the history of this move. Not only does he not know how to fall, but Stone Cold literally almost broke his neck (below). When the Stunner was taking place, the first thing that hit was J.R’s chin to Stone Cold’s shoulder then the legs followed. A Stone Cold Stunner in it’s truest form. Near decapitation.

(The real theatrics begin at the 6:00 mark)

Reverend Knick:

So when our boss and commander in chieftain first asked me to drop some knowledge on who took the best stunner from Stone Cold, I thought to myself, “No brainer, Vince McMahon.” Easy pickings right? I mean look at it. These two had a history. Vince needed Stone Cold, and Stone Cold needed Vince. They hated each other, bickered like a pair of disgruntled and hungry aunts on Thanksgiving, and yet at the same time, were riveting theater. I figured to myself, “game over, everyone’s going to pick that slop”. Then, I stumbled upon this video, and my opinion was altered in a different direction.

This, friends, is what I have decided to throw into the running of best Stunner taken. I know that it may not be as nostalgic as some of the other entries, but it contains by far the best sequence of Stunners that we will ever see in our entire lives. Just think about it for a second. You’ve got Stone Cold, limping, panting, weak, faltering on two legs as if he were Jake Taylor running to home plate during the last scene of the move “Major League.” And then you’ve got Scott Hall. The man, the myth, the prescription drug medicine legend that we all fell in love with during that E:60 special a few weeks back, showcasing his dominance in his prime and bringing us back to what made him so goddamn special. Then it happens. Boom! Nut shot to Diesel (aka Kevin Nash), and 5 Stunners total in a 30 second span. That’s 1 to Big Daddy Cool, and 4 to Scott. Granted, it did take 4 Stunners to finally knock down Scott, but for the sake of Adam Sandler’s career, it’s Razor Ramon. Only Chuck Norris and a pack full of rabid wolves have a better chance against 4 Stunners than Razor Ramon.

Bottom Line Why Its Awesome: Watch Scott Hall on the last Stunner, and check out the air time he gets. Not only does he deserve an Oscar, an Emmy, and a Slammy for “Best Stunner Taken,” but after watching his story on E:60, he deserves everything he can get… including being partially paralyzed by Stone Cold’s Coore’s Light infused bicep.