Can’t Touch This

Why, you might ask, have I revived this lovely piece of 90’s music memorabilia?

It all started at a conference with my coach a few weeks back…

We were discussing the power that story has in our lives. Sometimes I think our very selves are defined by the stories we choose to tell, both to ourselves and about ourselves.

We all have stories. Sometimes we call those stories “reasons.” And we use them as a way of determining what we can and can’t do in this life.

On the whole, it’s pretty easy for me, as a coach, to separate your story from your soul, so that you can begin to see where you have some wiggle room, where the stories that you tell yourself have become too confining for the person that you are becoming.

Stories like:

The only healthy diet is a vegan diet.

or

Good mothers always are home when their kids go to bed.

Hint: if the story you are telling yourself has the word only or good in it, take a closer look!

But everyone has a story (or two) that we have chosen to hold up as our personal holy grail. The story comes complete with The Reason, which is usually spoken in a tearful tone or defiantly, with arms crossed over the breast. The Reason is the big Don’t Touch This sign protecting our selves and our story from the forces that believe that anything is possible.

We often use the stories that come with The Reason to justify behavior that we don’t want to change or we don’t want to re-examine. These are the stories that, with one swipe of a pen, can change our lives. These are the stories that, ultimately, hide our fear points.

I can’t make dietary changes. I was bulimic in high school and it’s better for me to just eat whatever I want.

or

I have to do it this way. I was a Psych major at Harvard and all the studies show that people respond better to blog posts that have a picture at the top.

(If you feel yourself reacting to these examples, take a deep breath and peer around inside to see what’s triggering you.)

The first part of these examples is the story; the second is the reason we give that has the great big “Don’t Touch This” sign splattered across it.

The Reason is a great bodyguard. It keeps us safe in the world we are in. It doesn’t demand change or growth. As a culture, we tend to back off when someone brings up money, disease, or an education that is beyond our own, so The Reason will often get most people nodding along with you.

In the next week, I challenge you to listen to yourself and to keep an ear out for the appearance of The Reason. The Reason can be a great tool for illuminating your fears and, ultimately, changing your world for the better.

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