about

This album was made during the summer of 2009, and the winter of 2010/11. It is filled with a Mother's love, a great deal of pipe tobacco, and the terror that grips us all when we lose the person we value most. I devote it to the woman I used to love, and I thank her for all she has taught me.

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I can hold my own sometimes,
Most of life is not a heavy-weight fight
But there’s been a day, or two…or three.
Where I just wanted someone to hold me.

And on those days I think of you,
But then I think of all the other “you”s too,
While I wait for just one love to last,
I content myself with a sky-blue past.

Where each cloud is like a kiss of grey,
Every season has its rain,
And when it rains I think of you,
But then I think of all the other “you”s too,
Then I think of all the other “you”s too,

But still I hold my own sometimes,
I put up my fists when I sleep at night,
And when the morning comes I think of God,
And all the things that I am not,

I’m not alone, I’m not alive!
The cup against my lips is the water of life,
I’ll drink it soon, I swear to God,
And then forget the things I’m not.
And then forget the things I’m not.
I will forget the things I’m not.

Track Name: Florida

I don’t know the weather in Florida,
I don’t know the time on the South East coast,

But I know no matter the time,
And whether the sun sets or rises,
That I will not be there with the woman I used to love.

I don’t know what you feel when you’re alone at night,
I’m still confused by the feelings in myself,
I’m sure you just wish there was someone laying at your side,
And darling, I am wishing that as well,

But I don’t think I want you like I did before,
Your eyes see me different, and mine can’t see you the same,
Your hands and eyes are the keys to another door,
They don’t fit in mine, I guess my locks were changed.

And I guess no matter the time,
And whether the sun sets or rises,
That I will not be with the woman I used to love.

I don’t know the reasons for why I have to go,
I think it’s cause I don’t know why I stayed,
Your tongue made me weak, your body made me speak,
Words that I had never meant to say,

And those words never could pay off the loneliness,
Need is a debt we’re born with that we can’t pay,
And maybe you’re still with me after all of this,
But if it hurts this bad, I wish you wouldn’t stay.

And I wish no matter the time,
Or whether the sun sets or rises,
That I could just be with the woman I used to love.

Track Name: A Record On Its Table

Cut off the corners of my lips,
And I won’t say a thing.
I don’t wanna hear nothin’ but the last words you said,
Oh, I’ll just let ‘em ring.
I know I’ll hear you again, I know I’ll see you again,
Oh, that’s just the thing.
‘Cause by then we will be different,
And perhaps our love will have changed.

What if we change?

Time’s a record on its table,
With the present for a needle,
And we’re scratchin’ the surface,
How should I know what’s comin’ next,
When the past is such a mess,
Guessing’s not even worth it.
I try to put you into words,
And all the songs that I have heard,
But I can’t do it.
You’re a mystery to me,
You’re a color I can’t see,
Will that ever change?

Will that ever change?

Time’s a record on it’s table,
With the present for a needle,
And we’re scratching the surface.

Track Name: The House Is Burning

The riders have left their saddles empty,
My brother decided to leave the country,
Ooh, he won’t hear me.

Darling, the fields are grey and empty,
Honey, pretty soon there won’t even be a country,
Ooh, do you hear me?

Eyes closed, and face dark - is this dying?
I have never seen a life just fighting,
Ooh, you’re breathing lightly,
Ooh, you’re speaking softly,
Ooh, you’re barely breathing,
Julia, do you hear me?

Track Name: Light To See By

The day we met, your eyes were green,
I was a mess, you were somewhere in-between,
Your tears said everything.

I watched your lips; thin and pink, let go of their grip on your teeth.
But you weren’t happy,

And so you cried, and hid those eyes,
Like a full moon in a crescent sky,
There was nothing to hide behind,

Say that you won’t,
I know that you can, but I hope you don’t hide them from me.

Morning eyes get quiet at night,
Like a fearful bride; your trust a dress of white, but terror trails behind.

It’s black and wet, color’s easy to forget,
If it’s always the same when you look back; behind you a grey moon,

But late at night, I’ll take the stars out of your eyes,
And hang them in your room, so when you wake there will be light,
Light to see by,

Say that you care,
You don’t have to, but I hope that you will share the light with me,
With me…

A hope is not enough to hold me up,
And neither are you,
My heart is a sun that has not set,

Selfless love cannot touch your heart the way that I want to,
How do I love your heart the way that I should do?
How do I give my heart to love and honor you?

Friday rain, I held you in arms of rusted brass,
I’m the light switch to a heart, encased in tinted glass,

My love is a shade, a weak and strange thing that I made,
But what if it pales, what if it fades?
Time burns me away.

But late at night, I’ll take the stars out of your eyes,
Keep one in my pocket, and leave the rest at your bedside,
Light to see by.
Light to see by.

Track Name: Tambourine

Sick with loneliness,
Sick with gravity,
Your voice; a violin,
Your tongue; a tambourine,
You shake inside my mouth,
And you ring against my doubt,
You write a song that no one ever sang to me.

It went ooh…

Once you were sandy blonde,
You were soft as silk to me,
You were a headrest, a bed frame, a blanket,
A pillow against my cheek,
But your love kept changing colors,
Just like your hair…
And soon I became sick,
With the words you said to me,

And they were ooh…

Dissonance dissolves the relevance between you and me,
You lied to get my love, and you lied when it was free,
So now you’re a bare branch; a leaf that fell from my family tree,
So keep lyin’ to get your love - but if you lie to me,
I know the words and the chords and the rhythms,
I know the melody.

And it went ooh…

Track Name: Heartache

Heartache,
All you said was heartache,
When I asked you how you felt about us now.

I feel it too.

Coffee,
All you did was stir your coffee when I met you in the morning,
And I could taste the truth.
I couldn’t taste you.

I want you to stir me in too.

Heartache,
You talk about your heartache as if I had been listening before,
I didn’t hear you again,

“Tasteful,”
If I were just more tasteful,
As if I was born to open to doors,
I think I was born to open yours,

I want you to open mine too.

Heartache,
Do you really want this heartache?
You asked me as if you’ve said it all before,
But I haven’t rehearsed,

Darling,
I used to call you my darling,
But now I know that you want nothing more,
Of my sweet words,

...I want to see her.

Track Name: Thought They Were Blue

Say that you have always felt this weight,
Say that you hate this, that it has to be the same,
And end just like the other ones you’ve loved,
If you have to leave then just leave your stuff for me,

‘Cause I can’t fill the space in between,
My coat in the closet and yours,
All this room is yours.

I left you but your never gonna leave,
I told you but I still can’t believe,
Each word was carried from me by the wind,
And I reached out like a child as though I needed them,

Your eyes were smooth and grey - I thought they were blue,
Maybe they were green, or brown or…
I know that you would like to see me now,
But how can I remember you like this?

Your coat is still cold from the wind,
That night you had to walk home alone,
You were my home,
I was alone.

Track Name: My Father's Radio

If older days have wandered through my father’s radio,
Playing songs I haven’t heard for someone I haven’t known,
Will I take the chords and melodies and sing them as my own?
I don’t know.

If my children bear themselves a name that’s not the one I gave,
And take to life the questions that I must take to the grave,
Will I answer them in an afterlife, could I greet them at the gates?
I don’t know.

And if a lover finds herself left loving after me,
And takes to me like moonlight does the horizon as it flees,
Will I love her any different than my truth has loved my need?
I don’t know.

If I put faith and love and hope and trust in every song I write,
Will they play themselves ‘til the morning sun turns to the darkness of night?
Will they turn inside out and upside down just to make me right?
I don’t know.

If older days have wandered through my father’s radio,
Singing songs I used to hear for someone I used to know,
Will I take the chords and melodies and hand each a shred of hope?
I don’t know.

Track Name: Sleep Like Laughter

Don’t put me in the same room with her,
I’ll just take the failure,
Don’t hold me in the same arms as hers,
I can hear the laughter,

Of bitterness and broken days,
I took a few of your dreams away,
But you gave ‘em up just to sleep again,

Don’t taste my lips, it’s turning into work,
My tongue is not a time-card,
Don’t take my hand,
Just shut your mouth,
There’s nothing left to talk about,
You haven’t got a right to say it now,

I didn’t want - I didn’t want you.
I didn’t have - I didn’t have you.

Just put me in the same room as her,
I can face the failure,
But don’t wake me in the morning with her,
Her sleep is like a laughter,

That comes and lifts my smile high,
But when it’s over my teeth are dark stars in the night that can’t be seen through my lips.

Lips and hips and fingertips touching me,
Silver dollars in your eyes,
The love you want isn’t free,
Just don’t say a word, don’t touch me now,
Your hands can’t lead you out,
Not through me.

I think I want - I think I want you.
I think I have - I think I have you.
I think I want...

Track Name: Violin

Your freckles are a constellation on your cheek,
Your green eyes have saltwater underneath,
You’re an ocean; a tide tugging at my feet,
And I’m not fighting.

You’re short and sweet, and to the point when you wanna be,
Sometimes you leave me hanging,
You keep words to yourself ‘cause sometimes they’re just hard to find,
I think you should say ‘em this time.
I think you should say ‘em this time.

Your words, your lips, your shores may be far away,
But I’ve kept a few with me, I’ve wrapped up my yesterdays,
And when it’s cold or dark I take them out to light my face,
I wish that I had stayed.
I wish that I had stayed.

Did you tell me to take your hand? Did you tell me to take it far?
Do you want me to make up my mind and forget about her?
Your words are strings ringing with hurt in them,
Your voice is a violin.

And I don’t know how I love you with all I’ve got behind me,
And I don’t know why I want you, but I want to.
I want to.

I can hold my own sometimes,
Most of life is not a heavy-weight fight
But there’s been a day, or two…or three.
Where I just wanted someone to hold me.

And on those days I think of you,
But then I think of all the other “you”s too,
While I wait for just one love to last,
I content myself with a sky-blue past.

Where each cloud is like a kiss of grey,
Every season has its rain,
And when it rains I think of you,
But then I think of all the other “you”s too,
Then I think of all the other “you”s too,

But still I hold my own sometimes,
I put up my fists when I sleep at night,
And when the morning comes I think of God,
And all the things that I am not,

I’m not alone, I’m not alive!
The cup against my lips is the water of life,
I’ll drink it soon, I swear to God,
And then forget the things I’m not.
And then forget the things I’m not.
I will forget the things I’m not.