Behold, 'Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter'

The Call Sheet sifts through the day's glut of Hollywood news to find the stories even non-industry types care about. Today: A new trailer for a strange new movie, Jamie Lannister meets Tom Cruise, and Jennifer Aniston is in trouble in London.

The moment surely at least one or two of you have been waiting for has finally arrived: Here is a first teaser for the upcoming Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, the movie based on the novel by literary and historical meddler Seth Grahame-Smith. The movie stars up-and-comer and famed Meryl Streep son-in-law Benjamin Walker (Broadway's Bloody Bloody Andrew Jackson) as the 16th president who, in this imagining at least, spends a lot of time slayin' vamps with a big axe. He also seems to be supernaturally strong? Unless that tree at the end there is balsa? Were there a lot of balsa forests in America around the Civil War? Who knows! I suppose we'll find out in this here movie, which... looks kind of completely ridiculous. But, eh, that's the point. Though, should anyone really be touting "from the director of Wanted" as a good thing? That movie was about a magic loom that told the future. That movie probably shouldn't exist. This probably shouldn't either, but who knows, it might be fun.

Oh ho ho. House Cruise and House Lannister will soon be working with one another. Game of Thrones actor Nikolaj Coster-Waldau (he plays incestuous golden twin Jamie Lannister on the show) has been cast in Tom Cruise's upcoming sci-fi future flick Oblivion. Something, who could possibly know what, about Coster-Waldau just caught Cruise's attention, so here he is, in this movie. Cruise has done him a favor and a Lannister always pays his debts, so... Well, anyway! Coster-Waldau will play "Sykes, a battle-hardened, physically imposing, intelligent and extremely athletic military technology and weapons expert." Ha, "extremely athletic." Glad there's time for sports in the ruined futureworld. Hopefully Tommy and Jamie can find some time to play futureball or whatever it is. We'll be there to watch! [Deadline]

So, right, the BAFTAs, aka the British Oscars, aka Britain's Best Teeth, were last night and there were really no surprises. Octavia Spencer and Christopher Plummer won in the supporting categories, no doy, and The Artist won for Best Picture, derrrr. Jean Dujardin won for Best Actor, because of course. Really the only slight surprise, and it's really not much of one if you consider it's the BAFTAs, is that Meryl Streep won for Best Actress instead of Viola Davis. But really it's been a tight race this whole time and Meryl Streep is playing a big, booming British person so of course she won. Doesn't really mean anything for the Oscars except that that's really the only category, only big one anyway, that's up for grabs. Oh, and that no Brits won acting awards. Sucks to be you, Brits! And those are your BAFTAs, basically, [The Hollywood Reporter]

Uh oh. Poor sad scorned wife Jennifer Aniston has been cast in a dramatic weepy called Miss You Already about a sad woman in London. Sigh. Well, actually, it's about two sad women, best friends whose relationship becomes rocky after one of them gets a pregnant and the other gets a disease. Oh no! Which fate will be befalling the ol' spinster Aniston? She's had babies in movies before, and she's died in at least one movie, so she could potentially do both. But our guess? Her costar is going to be British and British people do better sickbed blushing so we think they'll give Aniston the baby. Which is nice, probably why she does movies, so she can pretend and live a wonderful fantasy life. Sigh. Poor sad Jennifer Aniston, the world's saddest self-proclaimed happy millionaire. [Deadline]

Speaking of lonely and miserable Jennifer Aniston, the lion goddess that ruined her, Angelina Jolie, will soon be the subject of a movie. Well, in theory, and then only kinda loosely. Jolie's ex Billy Bob Thornton is said to be making a movie called And Then We Drove, about a man who picks up a "wild woman," a character supposedly based on Ms. Jolie. Aha! And so is there also a dashing movie star and his mousy millionairess bride from whom the "wild woman" wrestles the strapping movie hunk? And does the mousy millionairess submerge herself in a bathtub of white wine only to occasionally emerge to make fantasy movies about being pregnant and in love and all those real-life impossible things? Impossible for the mousy millionairess, anyway. That plotline is integral to any movie loosely based on Angelina Jolie, so take note, Billy Bob. (Actually, someone in Hollywood: Please make a fictionalized movie about that whole triangle. Admit it, everyone: You would totally watch that movie.) [Vulture]

Here's a brief preview clip of Louis C.K.'s return guest starring stint on Parks and Recreation and it is wonderfully awkward and both a fun mix of C.K.'s style and the show's style and we are excited to watch it. That's really all.