Please, let’s not judge Marina Krim

Yesterday a mother returned home to her Manhattan apartment in the Upper West Side to find two of her young children dead in a bathtub, covered in blood from stabbing wounds to their necks. The family nanny was slitting her own wrists and slashing her neck with the same knife she’d used to kill the children.

“Something happened to my kids!” screamed the mom. Her piercing shrieks were heard on the streets outside the eight-story building.

The mother, Marina Krim, was getting back from taking her 3-year-old child to a swimming class. She’d left her two other children, 2-year-old Leo and 6-year-old Lucia, at home with the 50-year-old nanny, Yoselyn Ortega.

At this point, there’s little known about why Ortega, who is now in a coma, would commit a heinous crime like this. Ortega is a naturalized U.S. citizen, originally from the Dominican Republic, and has lived in America for a decade. The Krim family seemed to have an amicable relationship with Ortega, who was referred by a friend. They recently visited the nanny’s relatives in the Dominican Republic.

The story is absolutely devastating and as I read the news reports my breath was taken away by deep sadness for this mother and her children. There are no words that could possibly capture the horror of this tragedy or the devastation to this family. There are no tears big enough that could capture the sadness. My heart goes out to this family.

This story is frightening to moms because the first chapter is a scenario that we can all relate to. Having one kid (or two) at after-school or with a friend, a family member, or a nanny while you’re taking your other child to the doctor or a class is familiar. I was in this exact situation yesterday when I brought my son to the dentist and left my daughter with a babysitter who helps with homework. You assume your child is safe, and your trust is founded because you’ve done your homework on this person. You have a relationship with this person, and this person genuinely cares about your child.

This story especially hits home with me because at one time the Krims lived in San Francisco’s Noe Valley, probably on a street that I’ve pushed a stroller down many times. Krim’s husband, Kevin Krim, is a former Yahoo executive and the family moved to New York when he got a job with CNBC. Marina works part-time teaching art classes to children at the local playground. She kept a family blog, which was suspended this morning, and posted photos of her kids around Manhattan.

As we all process this tragedy, I think we need to focus on sympathizing with Krim, sending prayers and our thoughts her way. Moms are often quick to judge one another and comments criticizing Krim’s decision to hire a nanny are already popping up in the online world. We all often want to think that we’re giving our kids the best situation and others aren’t making equally good decisions. “I found the best nanny after interviewing 20!” “I would never use a nanny and would only ever watch my children myself!” “I only allow my mom to watch my children!” But please, let’s not judge. Right now, Krim needs us all on her side.