I really don’t know how I’ve not discovered this website before: Coldmud. This website has all the stupid stories of food phobias, bad actors, and idiotic policies. They have everything, including a link to a video of how to open a beer bottle with a chainsaw (talk about useful information!). I am incredibly humbled by this site’s thoroughness.

But who has time to sort through all of this wonderful information everyday? I promise you, the faithful readers of VarmintBites, that I will post only the best of the best from Coldmud. Today, I present to you the sad and tragic tale of Mariah, a girl who has not just a dislike of pickles, but a complete, incapacitating phobia. I’m talking ax murderer afraid. Now why she hasn’t received any major psychoanalysis about this fear beats the hell out of me, but the girl needs help. Of course, this could be one big act, but she’s pretty damn convincing. Witness for yourselves, as this is really, truly sad: