Monday, January 24, 2011

win

Today marked the second to last round of the NFL playoffs, now a two week gap and then the Super Bowl.

I put a bit of cash on four teams to win the Super Bowl at the start of the season (in a “fuck it, why not?” capacity). Click to enlarge the picture below, the four teams made the finals, and I have marked their progress in green (Pittsburgh automatically went through to the Divisional Play Offs).

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

My four months late World Cup Wrap Up (Including the Ten Shittiest Things about the Tournament).

*As mentioned on this site before, running a blog is like going to the gym. It’s a rewarding experience, but miss a few sessions and it can take months to find the motivation to get back into the routine.

I’ve had a hectic few months both at work and socially.

But mostly, it was my own shitty procrastination that held up proceedings. I finished the final World Cup post four months ago and uploaded it to the blogger web site. But then I had to resize the pictures I had saved (blogger shrinks my uploaded pics into a kinda blurry screen capture if I don’t) – which is a quick and relatively painless process in Photoshop, yet for some reason I well and truly could not be arsed doing this. I finally got around to doing it today, and posted the World Cup conclusion to the site.

Yeah, I know. The World Cup was over fucking months ago. But this post kinda encompasses my views on every World Cup, and Soccer as a whole, so it is still semi-relevant reading. I also felt it a shame if this didn’t see the light of day after the work put into it.

As always kids, it’s up to you. Read the post. Don’t read the post. Switch the computer off and smash the local orphanage’s windows with your bleeding fists.

Your choice.

"Soccer has, and always will be, the most popular Sport in the world. Yet I don’t think this tournament won over too many new fans."

This was a quote in an article written by a Sports Writer during the tournament, I remember the gist but fucked if I remember the reporter’s name so I can’t credit him here. I understand the mentality though. I had a heap of colleagues unfamiliar with the sport who were looking forward to the tournament, who all lost interest early in the piece somewhere during the deluge of red cards.

On a personal note: though I have to admit that I had a lot of fun with this tournament, the overall adventure kinda left a sour aftertaste in my mouth. I enjoyed following numerous teams and players, but was also sternly reminded of all that frustrates me with this damn sport.

At the end of the day, I got involved with the World Cup because I love the whole global feel of it, but there were also nostalgic reasons too. My introduction to the tournament was in a series of pubs in London in 2006 (an era in which the novelty of living in the city was still strong for me), surrounded by excited spectators supporting both teams in each match.

I think I took a lot of those fond memories with me into the 2010 World Cup, and was kind of disappointed to find that most people round these parts didn’t give a shit about the tournament. Of course, there’s also a difference between watching a game in a full pub just after work – and watching a game in a half empty pub at 11pm on a weeknight. There’s also a pretty big difference between watching the game in a full pub on your lunch break, and watching the game at 4am on a Tuesday morning by yourself on the couch (in the middle of Winter too).

The 2014 World Cup will be held in Brazil, which means another dose of 4am games for us Australian viewers. I will get involved, I will place a few bets – but I’m not going to dive into the 2014 tournament with the same enthusiasm I dived into this year’s Cup.

Thus ends our extensive shoddy coverage of the 2010 World Cup. Shall we end on a high note? Nah fuck it. Here are the ten shittiest things about the World Cup. In order from least shittiest, to fuck you.

10. The Time Difference

Rest assured, I was well and truly over the late nights/early rises once the World Cup was over. This one couldn’t really be helped, what with Australia being on the other side of the world and all. But we Australians do share a similar time zone with New Zealand, and pretty much all of Asia – so how about spreading the cups out time-zone wise? The last reasonable time slot for Asia and Oceania was the Japan/Korea World Cup in 2002. The 2006, 2010, 2014, 1018 and 2022 are all in opposing time zones resulting in games hitting our airwaves at about half past fucking hell . By “our” I mean those sharing a time zone within a couple of hours of Australia, roughly a third of the World’s population. Christ, how about sharing the love?

9. The Netherlands turn nasty

They were supposed to be the Shoddy Dozen Team to bring home the bacon, but resorted to playing like a bunch of thugs in the final.

8. That Effin’ Ball

ADIDAS’ Jubilani Ball was created specifically for the 2010 World Cup, and was declared their “roundest ball ever” (what with the regular balls being cubes and all). Neither the Strikers, nor the Goal keepers were happy with it. Viewers got to spend four weeks watching the best players in the world send the ball soaring metres over the cross bar.

An idea for the 2014 World Cup: how bout using a regular fucking soccer ball?

7. Vuvuzelas

Equally parts irritating and pointless.

6. Brazilian Hypocrisy

Luis Fabiano admitted to handling the ball in a goal against the Ivory Coast. He was quoted along the lines of “cheating and getting away with it made the goal all the more sweeter”. Brazil were knocked out of the finals a week later by the Netherlands. Brazil angrily labelled the Dutch team “cheats”.

He goosed another player’s wife and it cost him the captaincy. Maybe it wasn’t another player’s wife, might have been an ex wife, or ex girlfriend – I can’t be arsed looking it up because I really don’t care about that shit (in all honesty, I can’t be fucked looking it up to the point where I’ve already reported on this once and can’t be fucked re-reading my own blog). The players hook up with vapid pop stars and idiot models, and the relationships are a joke so it really doesn’t matter to me if they cheat on each other.

It was Terry’s “Press Conference” that earns him a place on this shit list. You know, the one where he panicked after England’s poor display in the first game, and held a media get together to let the World know the England players were organising a coup against their coach Capello in an effort to win their next game. Except the rest of the team named in this so called “coup” didn’t know what the fuck Terry was talking about.

The rules are pretty simple in Sportsmanship: stand by your coach, especially after a loss. That goes double for World Tournaments, Terry, you Ass Blood.

4. France’s fall from grace

2008: They were World Cup Finalists.

2010: They cheated with a handled goal to gain entry to the World Cup. Then a player got the sulks up with their Coach after the first game. Then the Coach got the sulks with said player and sent him home. Then the players got the sulks up about the sulky player being sent home, so they all got on the team bus and shut the curtains and refused to get out in protest, in an epic dummy spit. When they played their last game of the cup, the sulky Coach decided to outsulk an already sulky regime, and refused to shake hands with the opposing team’s manager.

3. The refs

Complaining about the on field Policing is probably the most prolific, and let’s not deny boring, conversation topic of any sport. That being said, the harshness and inconsistency of the World Cup refs were the biggest sticking point of the World Cup.

Handling the ball in front of goal could get you a red card, a yellow card, a penalty...it could even get you no reprimand at all – all depending on which fucking ref you have on the day.

Tim Cahill was red carded for a tackle. He thought the decision was too harsh, as did the spectators, as did the commentators, as did the German player he actually fucking tackled. When he faced the tribunal to find out if his one match ban would become two(!?), the powers that be let him know that it shouldn’t have been a red card in the first place. The tribunal found Cahill was going for the ball, and had bent his leg while doing so. Not a foul.

Yeah great, commiserations all round. Meanwhile, Australia loses it’s best player for a game and a half. Fuck me, we’ve waited four years for this tournament.

And that is where most of the frustration of the World Cup lies – in the referees.

Soccer referees have the ability to yellow card a player, and hand out the even more serious red card in extraneous circumstances. In theory: it allows the referee to reprimand those players not upholding the gentlemanly ideals and conduct of the game. In reality: we have hot headed refs handing out spur of the moment judgments that can cripple a team’s chances of winning. It also appears to be getting worse, the figures leading up to this World Cup (Yellow/ Red Cards):

All of this Nazi reprimanding to uphold the “Gentleman” aspect of the game.

Yeah right, the Gentleman aspect of Soccer. Meanwhile Italians riot to the point cops die and games are postponed, and South Americans burn their own stadiums down. And if you want to acquaint yourself with English hooligans, go down to Blockbuster and rent yourself a copy of The Firm. Or grab a copy of I.D.. Or The Football Factory. Or Green Street (or it’s sequel), or Rise of the Footsoldier, or Cass, or Awaydays, or fuck it I’ve made my point already.

No less than four refs were sent home from the World Cup due to shitty umpiring. But what consolidation is that to a country that may not make the tournament again for another 20 years?

Meh.

2. The FIFA President: Sepp Fuckin’ Blatter

Sepp Blatter. Sounds like a character from Futurama, but is in fact the president of FIFA. He’s from Switzerland, which is kinda cool. He’s also 74, which is really not cool at all. This old stick in the mud has been turning a deaf ear to the vocal majority complaining about the shitty-yet-easily-fixable problems of an otherwise glorious sport.

The biggest call is for video technology on those hard to spot occasions, such as, I don’t know – that England goal that was not allowed, because none of the fucking officials spotted it.

Blatter has turned his nose to such technology, declaring it unfair as lower leagues do not have access to it. This is why amateur tennis and cricket leagues have been disbanded, because they do not have access to the Hawk-Eye system or the third umpire....except these leagues HAVEN’T been disbanded, because Blatter is an archaic lump of shit.

Check out “Sepp Blatter” on Wikipedia, to see an old fuddy duddy elected to president in a fog of controversy and back door dealings, and the stink that has followed him since.

Or not. Fuck it, he should be dead soon anyway. Let me leave you with this change Blatter has made since being president:

National associations must now enforce immediate suspensions of all players sent off during a game, even if television replays offer compelling evidence of a player's innocence. In particular, Blatter insists that a referee's judgement must be seen as final and that mistakes are part of the game. The FA, however, has refused to follow this directive, and allows appeals against straight red cards (though not those resulting from two yellows).

The coveted Number One spot of my shit list belongs to a guy who had nothing to do with the World Cup, until after it had finished. Though they didn’t make it to the World Cup, Iran is in the top third of the World’s Soccer teams, which isn’t too bad – but that’s not the problem Mahmoud (fuck typing his last name again) had with the tournament. Nah. He had a problem with this guy:

While the rest of the world enjoyed the randomness, the excitement, and heaven fuckin’ forbid, the fun of having an aquatic psychic join in on the tipping, Mahmoud apparently did not.

The Iranian leader called Paul a symbol of decadence and decay in the Western world. Mr. Ahmadinejad also said those who believe in a psychic octopus cannot be leaders of nations like Iran "that aspire to human perfection."

Thanks to VOA News.com for the quote. How about another headline from Iran circa World Cup time?

Iran mother facing stoning pleads to see children

This country’s aspiration to “human perfection” includes the ritual stoning of poor lasses like Sakineh Mohammadi-Ashtiani, for such perversions of justice as (gasp) adultery.

It’s nice of Mahmoud to remind us all during the fun and glamour of an international sport’s tournament, that the world is a shitty place after all.

Anyway, what was I talking about? Oh yeah, the World Cup. Over for another four years. Sorry for the lateness of this article, hopefully the next update doesn’t take me as long.