Must Trust Be Earned?

Do you trust people when you meet them? Or do you make them prove themselves to be trustworthy until you grant them your trust?

Which of the two do you lead with?

I befriended two pretty famous people years ago who were in the national spotlight and they had diametrically opposite philosophies on this question of initial trust.

One told me he trusted no one when he met them. He came to this conclusion because there were a number of people to whom he gave his trust only to have them betray their word. After having this happen too many times, he concluded that people would have to exhibit trustworthiness before he would believe in them.

The other friend felt the opposite way. He afforded trust to people he met from the initial meeting. He certainly wasn’t a naïve person by any stretch of the imagination as he led a multimillion dollar company. He felt giving trust was the better way to do business.

In the group, Alabama’s song “Down Home,” the refrain states, “A handshake and a man’s good word is all you need.” Obviously, this philosophy does grant initial trust.

I don’t think there is a right or wrong answer to this question for leaders. In my leadership roles, I elected to trust people initially and accepted their word that they would follow through on what they said. I did grow up in an environment where a person’s word was their bond.

Given this philosophy, I did get burned occasionally. There is no question about that. There are definitely people who are not trustworthy and who have the ability to look you in the face and lie. Knowing this, I still felt better beginning the relationship with trust – giving them the benefit of the doubt. If they proved to be untrustworthy, then I never again gave them my trust.

So, leaders have to decide if they begin a relationship by assuming the other person is trustworthy or do they make that person prove he or she is trustworthy?

I think each leader has to find their own way on this subject.

Looking back, I would not change. I have found that most people’s word is their bond.

“I have had the honor of listening to Pat Sullivan talk and to travel with Pat and speak with him. The one thing that is certain every time he speaks is that I learn something about leadership, honor, and how to live life properly from him. He is a remarkable speaker and man.” read more

Joe GuraTeacher, Head Basketball Coach Joliet Catholic Academy

“Coach Pat Sullivan is one of the most dynamic speakers I have heard. Coach Sullivan’s talks are always very well organized and engaging. No matter how many times I have heard Coach Sullivan talk, I always leave having learned something new. Coach Sullivan’s explains leadership in a way that all can understand and practice in everyday life. I constantly find myself applying Coach Sullivan’s concepts in teaching, coaching, and all aspects of my life.” read more

Tim TrendelHead Basketball Coach Providence Catholic High School

“Pat Sullivan is clearly one of the most interesting and engaging speakers you will hear. Pat blends personal stories of people he has either researched or met to demonstrate concrete principles we can all use to enhance our capacity to lead. There are so few authentic, selfless leaders today. Pat Sullivan is one of those and his stories and living example will motivate you toward that end.” read more

Frank PalmasaniAuthor – College Counselor

“I have known Pat Sullivan for the past 48 years. He is without question one the finest public speakers I have encountered in my 37 years in education. He has spoken at our graduations, clinics, and athletic fund raisers. As one principal who attended our most recent event and heard Pat speak stated: “Every educator in the nation needs to listen to his message.” Pat spoke at our conference leadership seminar which had 16 schools and over 300 students attending. The students were enraptured by his talk on “Leadership.” Pat is truly a phenomenal speaker, leader, and mentor.” read more

Randy StelterDirector of Athletics
Wheeler High School
Valparaiso, IN

“Pat’s enthusiasm and spirited way of getting his message across bridges many demographic groups. The care he takes to understand his audience underscores his unique ability to reach the many who come to hear him speak.”

“It is clear that when you hear Pat speak his thoughts come from the heart….sincere and genuine …sharing his life leadership experiences so that others will grow and benefit from them”. read more

Dr. Frank WyrostekProfessor of Finance University of St. Francis

“I have had the opportunity to hear from many motivational speakers in my professional career. None have spoken with the conviction and passion of Pat Sullivan. This is because he is speaking from decades of practical experience with students and athletes. He is very giving with his life’s experiences all, for the benefit of young people and fellow professionals alike.” read more

“I have had the honor of listening to Pat Sullivan talk and to travel with Pat and speak with him. The one thing that is certain every time he speaks is that I learn something about leadership, honor, and how to live life properly from him. He is a remarkable speaker and man.” read more

Joe GuraTeacher, Head Basketball Coach Joliet Catholic Academy

“Coach Pat Sullivan is one of the most dynamic speakers I have heard. Coach Sullivan’s talks are always very well organized and engaging. No matter how many times I have heard Coach Sullivan talk, I always leave having learned something new. Coach Sullivan’s explains leadership in a way that all can understand and practice in everyday life. I constantly find myself applying Coach Sullivan’s concepts in teaching, coaching, and all aspects of my life.” read more

Tim TrendelHead Basketball Coach Providence Catholic High School

“Pat Sullivan is clearly one of the most interesting and engaging speakers you will hear. Pat blends personal stories of people he has either researched or met to demonstrate concrete principles we can all use to enhance our capacity to lead. There are so few authentic, selfless leaders today. Pat Sullivan is one of those and his stories and living example will motivate you toward that end.” read more

Frank PalmasaniAuthor – College Counselor

“I have known Pat Sullivan for the past 48 years. He is without question one the finest public speakers I have encountered in my 37 years in education. He has spoken at our graduations, clinics, and athletic fund raisers. As one principal who attended our most recent event and heard Pat speak stated: “Every educator in the nation needs to listen to his message.” Pat spoke at our conference leadership seminar which had 16 schools and over 300 students attending. The students were enraptured by his talk on “Leadership.” Pat is truly a phenomenal speaker, leader, and mentor.” read more

Randy StelterDirector of Athletics
Wheeler High School
Valparaiso, IN

“Pat’s enthusiasm and spirited way of getting his message across bridges many demographic groups. The care he takes to understand his audience underscores his unique ability to reach the many who come to hear him speak.”

“It is clear that when you hear Pat speak his thoughts come from the heart….sincere and genuine …sharing his life leadership experiences so that others will grow and benefit from them”. read more

Dr. Frank WyrostekProfessor of Finance University of St. Francis

“I have had the opportunity to hear from many motivational speakers in my professional career. None have spoken with the conviction and passion of Pat Sullivan. This is because he is speaking from decades of practical experience with students and athletes. He is very giving with his life’s experiences all, for the benefit of young people and fellow professionals alike.” read more