Desperate to be cool.

Toby. That’s my name and that was his name. I think that’s where it began.

It was a mild obsession for about a week. It was the first day of school and I had to be cool. I don’t even know if I knew what cool meant when I was six but I wanted to know how it looked and I really wanted know how it felt.

So Toby.

He is two years older than me. Meaning he’s eight if you do the math. Shaved head. Shaved head at age eight, cool as fuck.

Tanned skin. Do eight year olds even get tans? And he’s massive, the biggest kid in the class. He has man-like broad shoulders and he’s wearing black Converse that are ready to boot anyone, anytime, for anything.

His eyes are a bit weird though, probably his only flaw. They kind of never fully open. Maybe he’s trying give off a cool look, like a steely resolve type thing but I have my doubts. Toby’s sister has a wonky eye too and one day she had an asthma attack that sent the school into chaos. But yeah, because her eye is also weird I’m just assuming it runs in the family.

“Partner up!” Yells the teacher. My ears prick, I’m panicking. All I want right now is to be Toby’s partner. I stand right next to him as close as I can without seeming desperate and uncool.

Yes! I become his partner. Unbelievable. I’m partnered with the big dog. Everyone will be looking at me thinking ‘sickest kid at St. Patricks Primary’.

“Has anyone heard of Sumo Wrestling?” asks the teacher. Oh Shit. No. This can’t be happening. Will I have to wrestle Toby?

No way. Good joke teacher.

“So with your partner you will sumo wrestle and try to push each other out of the circle”.

I. FEEL. SICK. He’s fucking huge. Anyway it’s on and now all I’m thinking is be strong enough to impress him.

“Go!”

His weird eyes are right up in my grill. I grapple his broad shoulders. Sweat beads from his shaved head.

But it’s the converses that get me. He plants his right converse boot on one of my shit leather shoes Mum made and I go tumbling out the circle.