Pine Cone's Report

by Pam Shirk, North Carolina, USA

Well, the fat wench did it again. She sent away another group of excellent people. First she sent Paw away and we couldn't get her to bring him back. Then Grandmeow and Grandpaw came over and made her bring Paw back during the day. Where she took him to at night we don't know. He smelled funny and didn't look right, but the first day they had his head fur shaved and he looked better, though still strange. Tanada was boasting that she talked Grandmeow into making the fat wench bring him home, but I think Berfert did it, as he came out and charmed her. I entertained both of them and supervised their activities. Both Grandmeow and Grandpaw smell a bit like Paw, but different. You other cats would understand what I mean. Humans just don't get it.

Grandmeow and Grandpaw were just great. They fed us great snacks, petted us all we wanted, made the fat wench bring Paw home, and even snuck us meat chunks from their dinners. The fat wench told them how Tanada loves spaghetti, and the stupid cat had to prove her right. Tanada isn't purring quite right, if you know what I mean. Penelope realized that Grandmeow is a pushover for a cute face and followed her around whenever the other humans weren't at home. Grandmeow even let her sleep on her lap for hours. Grandmeows are wonderful things, if you don't have one, you need to get one. They're really fun people to have around. Grandpaws are also fun. Mine let me help him in the bathroom, gave me new toys to play with and even let me sleep on their bed. Grandpaws are great, they even growl at you when they want to play. Grandpaws play fun, but they are too smart to fall for the "dead starfish" routine. The fat wench fell for it, but she always does.

After Grandpaw and Grandmeow made the fat wench bring Paw home during the day, they made her bring him home for good. They are so powerful. Tanada's clinging to her, and QC's peeing in her bed didn't have that good of an effect. Grandpurrants are really powerful humans. They gave all the hoomin's a lot of cool stuff, but also gave us cats some great stuff as well. The best one was the chair. It leans back and the fat wench was worried that one of us would get crushed in it, but all the hoomins know to look for us before making it move. It has a great hiding tunnel in the back and Penelope and I had a great time playing with Merlin in it. Tanada, that spoiled snot, claims that the chair is Hers as the Grandpurrants bought it for Paw and she's Paw's cat. Hah!! We're all Paw's cats.

All the good stuff came to an end today. The fat wench made them leave. The Grandpurrants packed their boxes with the neat lids that they'd let Merlin and I play in, and the fat wench and Paw followed them out of the house and left in the big white hard monster. They came back some time later without our Grandmeow and Grandpaw. I miss the Grandpurrants, they were so nice and such fun. Any suggestions on how we can get them to come back and play?

Pine Cone esq.

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