Lucid Dreamer Returns

You know how your love life is gaytarded? Luci Lu has got some flava to help combat those ice-cold sheets or turn your walk of shames into walk of fames. Holla!

Dear Lucid Dreamer,

Before I was this big ho. I mean, a pulse and place and I was ready to go. But recently, for no reason, I’m not interested in arbitrarily humpin’ around. What happened? Did I catch the ghey? Does sluttiness expire? Help!!!

– Reluctantly Behaving Myself

Ma’am, you clearly need my help (I’m assuming you’re a ma’am because guys wouldn’t be having this problem). This isn’t a crisis that I usually hear about so I’ll answer it with the first thoughts that come off my head. I would think that a change such as this might have roots going back to when you were starting the sluttish behavior to begin with.

Unless you got molested by your uncle when you were a kid, your reasons for beginning your behavior are somewhere in the back of the 8 lb eight-ball on your neck. I believe this will give you a starting point to finding your answer. Perhaps you were subconsciously starving for attention when you were younger. Or maybe you have a crazy case of penis envy. It could be possible that you have a repressed memory of walking in on your parents doing the horizontal mambo and thought “hey, that looks like fun.”

Whatever the problem is, don’t see it as a bad thing. See it as a possible step of development. If you don’t have 5 kids from 3 different daddies or 3 STDs with more than 3 syllables then you realized you have a problem before things got bad. So just to make myself clear, sluttiness doesn’t expire, it’s just replaced by maturity.