What to do if Brexit putting a strain on your relationship

Charlotte Harding

Brexit is still proving to be a very divisive topic at the moment, with many people deciding to avoid the conversation altogether to avoid an argument.

But what do you do if your partner voted differently to you?

Dr Leigh Longhurst, PHD, is a chartered psychologist and has looked at the impact it could have on your relationship.

She said: “Brexit has created chasms bigger than the Grand Canyon not only on dating sites but across the country as couples and families tear into one another.

“In love relationships, is Brexit the root cause of the schism or is it a symptom of a wider malaise in us as individuals and in society? Is it not a trigger for the eruption of our repressed emotions, a big stick that pokes at our own insecurities?

“It’s so much easier to judge and blame our partner than to challenge our own beliefs and emotional wounds.

“The shocking truth is that all the judgements we make about the ‘other side’ in the Brexit divide are secretly judgements we have against ourselves.

“It might feel good to win a battle with your partner in the short term but the feeling won’t last. Lasting peace and happiness results when each partner takes responsibility for his or her own internal battles. Then they might find, under all the anger dressed up as Brexit and projected on to their partner, repressed anger against themselves.

“They realise how cruelly they have judged parts of themselves as being unacceptable or unlovable. This insight helps heal splits and divisions within themselves and within their relationship.

“When love becomes more important than being ‘right’, each partner can commit to open, non-judgmental communication and learn to forgive. When each feels accepted and is given the right to speak openly, they can stop shouting about politics and shout about the truth of what’s really going on which might be something like: “I’m afraid to show you how vulnerable I am: I feel unsafe when my beliefs are challenged; I want you to love me regardless, I want to feel connected to you”.

“From this mutually vulnerable sharing, understanding grows.

“Let’s take back the power of politicians to divide us. When we can lighten up, embrace our superficial differences and extend more love and forgiveness, divisions start to heal. Then we re-connect at a level beyond the childish rhetoric and self-aggrandising posture of the politicians.