Body Language Expert, Professional Speaker, Author, Media Authority, Spokes Person, Corporate Consultant, Trainer and Coach.
Patti speaks to Fortune 500 Companies, Associations, and Universities on: Body Language, Deception Detection, Selling, Interviewing, Public Speaking, First Impressions, Conflict Management and more.
She also consults with Law Enforcement and the Media on the Body Language of Celebrities, Politicians and Suspects.
Book Patti to speak at her website Patti@PattiWood.net

Below is information on a Pod cast series I was interviewed on
about this topic. My podcast interview airs tomorrow!

April 21, 2016

How
to tell if you are dating someone that is not safe? How can you tell you are
dating a jerk, a narcissist or sociopath? We are hard-wired to pick up on
credibility. The first impression in the basic survival instinct asks,
"Can I trust this person? Can I feel safe in his or her
presence? Is he or she going to pull a knife out? No, I can believe
what I'm seeing as the real thing." Credibility is vital and primary.
Knowing what it feels like to be with a healthy person helps you know when you
are with someone who is unhealthy and treating you or has the potential to
treat you in unhealthy ways.

I do an
interesting exercise with my body language speech and workshop audiences. I
say, “I’d like you to think about a person in your life who you think is the
most credible person you know. There is something about them that makes you
feel absolutely safe in their presence. You can believe them. What is it about
them that makes you feel that way? What kind of behavior do they demonstrate?
What do they say? Are there things they do with their hands, their body that
makes you tell yourself, “This person has integrity”?

Think
about this person you just described as your "True North."
A person of Credibility. If you have a" True North" in your life, it becomes
easier to recognize what it's like to be in the presence of someone who truly
demonstrates credibility. You know if it
feels safe and it is typically energizing rather than draining because you are
not in your Freeze, Flight, Fight, Fall or Faint stress response to danger.
(Romantically that doesn’t mean you don’t feel excited, it just means under
that excitement you should feel safe.)

Tension-
So if you are with someone and you feel tense, uneasy, off balance, over
charged, you don’t laugh fully only stress laugh and they DON”T PICK UP ON your
discomfort and make you feel at ease that is a sign you are with an unhealthy
person.

A
sociopath may pick up on your stress and call you on it and make you feel wrong
or bad for feeling uncomfortable. Perhaps saying something like, “Hey you shouldn’t
be so tense.” A healthy person wants you
to feel good and safe and will want to know what they can do to make you feel
comfortable. An unhealthy person may get “Charged” by making you uncomfortable.
(See the study below.)

Teasing
- An unhealthy person may even make fun of or push to make your discomfort
increase. That is not to say that healthy teasing and play aren’t good and a
fun part of healthy dating and relationships but, healthy teasing makes you
feel good. You don’t feel anxious or ill at ease and constantly wonder what is
wrong when you are in the presence of a healthy person.

Pushing
and making you wrong - Unhealthy people will keep pushing and if they do try to
comfort the comfort may feel slick, artificial, on the surface or insincere.
The comfort will NOT comfort you. And let me repeat an unhealthy person makes
you feel that you are unhealthy or
that you may be doing something
wrong. Healthy people don’t keep pushing!

High-Testosterone People Feel Rewarded By Others' Anger,
New Study Finds
ScienceDaily (May 12, 2007) — Most people don't appreciate an angry look, but a
new University of Michigan psychology study found that some people find angry
expressions so rewarding that they will readily learn ways to encourage them.

"It's kind of striking that an angry facial expression is consciously
valued as a very negative signal by almost everyone, yet at a non-conscious
level can be like a tasty morsel that some people will vigorously work
for," said Oliver Schultheiss, co-author of the study and a U-M associate
professor of psychology.

The findings may explain why some people like to tease each other so much, he
added. "Perhaps teasers are reinforced by that fleeting 'annoyed look' on
someone else's face and therefore will continue to heckle that person to get
that look again and again," he said. "As long as it does not stay
there for long, it's not perceived as a threat, but as a reward."