Wednesday, August 6, 2008

The Top 10 Most Annoyingly British Commercials

There’s nothing like a good ol’ super-British commercial on U.S. tv to simultaneously stereotype the sh*t out of our brethren across the Atlantic and to impress/intrigue Americans with characters that are probably more intelligent than us regardless of how exaggeratedly goofy they are. After one-too-many views of the Cheer “Fight For The Bright!” ad campaign, my mind finally snapped, and I’ve taken my frustration out the only way I know how — with a list of the Top 10 the Most Annoyingly British Commercials. Cheers!

10. Time Warner - “Sir Charge”

We need some more B-roll of you being frivolous with money, Sir Charge — what if you throw some 20s in a cup of tea then pour the tea into a pipe and smoke it through your bowler hat and yell “tally ho”?

9. Red Bull

He only gave the Red Bull to the rowers on the right side of the boat? There is no right side of the boat. He gave it to their right arms? I am confused. Britishness.

8. Travelocity

That’s not a British accent, Gnome. That’s not even a Gomeish accent, gnome.

7. Aquafina

I’m surprised that Eric Idle managed to record his two lines of VO without somehow co-opting Monty Python. (Also, why does a commercial full of happy German people celebrating end with a suddenly British tagline? Why not just keep the German theme? They can be happy too!)

Not so much a “caricature” as it is an “actual guy who’s really f*cking smug about vacuum cleaner suction.” If this ad doesn’t convince you to shell out $500 for a vacuum that can move horizontally a bit easier, he’s got dozens more.

4. Cheer

The “Fight For the Bright” maid not only speaks solely in bludgeoning British axioms, she spends her time at home with tea and crumpets listening to vague Britishness on the radio.

3. Geico

In my head, I picture the Geico Lizard doing his “Cup o’ tea? How’s ya mum?” speech, followed by a pause, then the Gila Monster responding, with spliced audio from Deadwood, “You Limey C***sucker!”

2. Grey Poupon

The 80s era of wealth and excess truly peaked with the Grey Poupon ad campaign, both the classic original and this wackier, more British sequel. Guess they figured it was a little classier than coked up Wall Streeters passing mustard underneath nightclub bathroom stalls.