Letting Go

Thu, Nov 6th, 2014

We live in an affluent consumer society and in many ways people may measure their success by the material things that they acquire along the way. People are often motivated by material goals – a home, a car, vacations, for example – which provide a sense of accomplishment and rewards for hard work when they are achieved. These things and experiences enrich our lives and bring us pleasure.

However, there may come a point at which the material things take over and own the owners. I worked with a highly successful and affluent couple who had four homes in different parts of the world and traveled extensively. Their four children were in prestige boarding schools. Many people would look at their situation with admiration and envy. However, in the course of our work together they realized that the constant demand of managing their homes and possessions had taken over their lives. They decided they needed to let go of some things and simplify so they could enjoy life more. While this is a rather extreme case of our stuff owning us, many people may find themselves in a similar situation to varying degrees.

What creates clutter and chaos for you? What fits into your life and what do you need to let go of?

It does feel great to declutter your physical environment and I encourage you to take it on. However, let's take this one step further, beyond the material possessions. Here are 8 other things that you might be holding on to that create clutter and chaos in your life. In no particular order...

1. Limiting beliefs. Are there stories that you tell yourself about what you are or are not capable of and, if so, are they true? What could be possible if you have empowering beliefs?

2. Perfectionism. It is said that being a perfectionist is the highest form of self-abuse. Do you hold yourself back because things must be perfect? What would be possible if you choose to aim for excellence instead?

3. Toxic relationships. We teach people how to treat us by what we expect and put up with. Are there toxic people in your life that you tolerate and, if so, what message are you sending them? Letting go of toxic relationships can be difficult and painful, however, you deserve relationships that are respectful and win/win.

4. Limiting habits. We all have positive habits and habits that limit us. Think about the self-criticisms and things you beat yourself up about, many of which may be the limiting habits. What are the habits that hold you back from having the life you long to have and being who you want to be? Take one at a time and make small incremental changes to transform it into a new positive habit.

5. Being a Control Freak. We all like to feel like we are in control of life. However, the reality is...Control is a myth! We are not in control of life events, other people, nature, even our own bodies and health at times. Other people and external factors that we want to and try to control are not under our control. Our futile attempts to exert control over these may lead to frustration, anxiety and expending a lot of energy. However, you are in control of you:

your attitude

your perceptions

your focus

your choices

who you are and how you show up, moment by moment, day by day, year by year.

You make the choice whether to be a victim of circumstances or to be empowered - this is completely in your power. Know who you are, your strengths, what you stand for and what you want to create, then reflect these in how you show up.

6. But I've always done it this way. And, it's close relative "my way or the highway". Unless your way is the proven and only life saving method for a dire situation (hopefully you are not in these very often), what if you tried something different or let someone do it their way? What might be possible and what could you learn and experience?

7. Shoulds. Are there things that you find yourself reluctantly doing because you should do them? If so, is it necessary, important or crucial that you do it? If the answer is yes, then perhaps a change in attitude from dread to willingness may help. Or, can you let some of the shoulds go? One question to ask yourself when you are saying "should" is "Ten years from now will this really matter?"

8. Trying to please everybody. This is a no win situation and impossibility, so please let go of this chaotic behaviour. Honour yourself and what is important to you. Be authentic, honest, trust yourself and strive to create win-win situations.

Notice what resonated for you as you read this list. If there were a few things that made you grimace, identify one or two that would benefit you the most to let go of...and do it. Then, be prepared. When you make the decision to let go and make a change, you are likely to have your resolve tested shortly thereafter by a situation or challenge that arises. Be aware when this happens and commit to passing the test. If it was really easy, everyone would be doing it. You are worth it.

Have fun letting go of all manners of chaos and clutter in your life. Replace it with joy, peace, clarity, synergy, order...whatever it is that you long for.Choose what to keep and add based on who and how you want to be and where that takes you. Then breathe a sigh of relief.

One last thing...Let go of the need to think you have to do this all by yourself! I am the Transformation Maven, with the expertise and resources to help you identify and let go of what no longer serves you and move forward to create the life you desire and deserve.

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"When you were doing your Passion Mapping training in Sydney in 2003, you helped me do my chart. I just wanted to share with you that the process kicked off an amazing journey for me, where I'm now London-based running a global Non Government Organization I've set up, and actively engaged with a variety of international institutions on matters of global government. I often tell people that the trigger point for me (the 'release' point really) was the Passion Mapping exercise I did with you. So count it as one of your successes!"Sean KidneyNon-executive Director at Cleardocs Pty Ltd., London, UK