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What's this blasphemy?

For seven years, I've been testing sex toys and reviewing them on the internet. Many readers entrust their orgasms to me, and I do not take that honor lightly. My reviews are snarky, honest, and delightfully void of euphemisms. . . . read more

glass

A glorious sex toy material. Seamless, frictionless, and gorgeous. And no, it won’t shatter inside of you unless you’re this woman. My favorite indie glass toy manufacturer is Crystal Delights, but you can get cheaper mass-produced ones such as the Icicles line.

I have a lot of glass dildos, but I find it disturbingly easy to eschew most of them. When I moved, I re-arranged my life so that my desk only contains the most pertinent of sex toys. One drawer is reserved for glass toys, and guess what’s inside? Three Crystal Delights dildos. Nothing else. Crystal Delights . . .

I promptly asked for the biggest size available, because of course I did. That was my mistake. The dildo comes, of course, in other sizes manageable to the average vagina, but mine is not the average vagina. I use my vaginal distinction as justification for choosing THE HUGEST OF THE HUGE at all times. Sometimes to my glory, sometimes . . .

Usually it takes a bit of time for my screaming endorsements to seep into the consciousness of my readers. Especially when the toys I love cost a pretty penny. But not this time. I flailed about the Jopen Comet G Wand less than two months ago, and I’m already getting reports back that peeps have bought and . . .

[Wondering what I think of the vibrating, second generation Comet II? It is ALSO AWESOME.] It’s only February, and the Jopen Key Comet G Wand has a very good chance of being the best sex toy I try all year. I am, I must say, flabbergasted. I mean, this is Jopen we’re talking about. Jopen, creators of the what-the-fuck that . . .

Update: You can now find Fucking Sculptures at SheVibe! These people just cut to the chase. They called their company Fucking Sculptures. I like that gumption. I like it a lot. Fucking Sculptures is a brand new (seriously, their launch party was on December 23 and included glassblowing, burlesque, and pizza — why wasn’t I there?!) glass . . .

I like toys that do all the taking-good-photos work for me. The Crystal Twist is one of those toys. As if the Crystal Twist was not pretty enough to begin with, Shellie has gone and added incredible color highlights to it. This is the reinvented Crystal Twist Color in gold. It also comes in red, cobalt blue . . .

So this is an actual thing. I don’t know why it’s called The Original Peter Piper, because I’m pretty sure the original Peter Piper is the one from 1813 who picked a peck of pickled peppers, not a glass dildo for potheads. But then again, this is from Pipedream, the same people who brought us the failtastic . . .

Most sex toys, even the ones I end up loving, require multiple testing sessions before I get a handle on my feelings for them. But once in a while, a toy comes along that is perfect immediately — from the first dip into my vagina. That’s because the Crystal Delights Star Delight has everything: beauty, bumps (um, . . .

A glass dildo shaped like an actual cock sounded pretty nice. I’m a fiend for many realistic dildos, so why not try a similar shape in glass? I certainly didn’t own anything like it. And so I requested the Love Style Glass Lotus. The Lotus comes in a black, padded bag with the company name embroidered . . .