Weaving Stories, Curating Memories

Introvert Vs Extrovert #MondayMusings

In the initial years of my marriage, I found my Father-in-Law (FIL) scary and intimidating. Thanks to the family ranting. He was labelled as socially awkward who interacted less, never attended weddings, never went and stayed at anybody’s house (including his children’s), a recluse who had a bad temper. On the other hand, my mother-in-law (MIL) was the lovable and popular woman. However, gradually when I got to know my FIL closely I started empathising with him because I felt he was so much like me. I developed a unique ‘Machiavellian’ bonding with him that I could never develop with anyone else in the family. A bonding of two introverted souls that lasted till death did us apart.

My FIL was an introvert. He loved to be in his own world, hum a nice tune, sit quietly with a faraway look and just be himself, however, he was an absolute misfit in a house full of talkative extroverts where everyone talked loudly and nobody really sat and thought. He was judged and labelled with ‘negative’ character traits all through his life.

There are a lot of negative labels placed on introverts. Introverts are frequently misunderstood and judged by others. Extroverts feel that introverts are socially awkward loners who abhor large gathering. However introverts hardly judge others and they are not socially awkward beings, they just enjoy their space more than others (read extroverts). Introverts are thinkers and observers whereas extroverts are so busy chasing everything that they hardly have time to ponder or speculate.

My mother was an extremely popular extrovert woman, everybody loved her. She used to be the centre of attraction in any get-together. She loved people. She used to keep herself surrounded by friends and family. On the other hand, my Dad had very few friends and he kept to himself, mostly reading books. However, he was not unsocial. He had a great sense of humour and he had few genuine admirers who adored him, however unlike my mother he never grabbed popularity.

My mother used to feel I was not smart enough and she always insisted that I should give up shyness and be more forthright. I am not shy; I just do not feel comfortable talking to strangers. I cannot get friendly easily. I take time to make friends however once I make a friend I usually make it for life. I am not the type to meet someone and immediately click a selfie and post it on social media with the hashtag #bestfriendsforever. I choose my friends carefully and most of my friends are no less than a decade old.

Introverts do like people, but they typically favour quality over quantity in their relationships, choosing to focus on creating a smaller circle of close friends rather than a large network of acquaintances. We might enjoy large parties but want to sit and watch the action from the sidelines. Extroverts may interpret this as not wanting to have fun, but this observation is fun for an introvert. Introverts are not shy they simply require more alone time to balance out the energy they expend in social situations.

Extroverts love people, whereas introverts feel uncomfortable when there are too many people around. Like my Dad and FIL I also don’t like parties or weddings. It is so difficult for an introvert to leave the comfort zone and attend a gathering. Too many people make us uncomfortable.

Most introverts don’t connect solitude with loneliness. Extroverts feel sad when they are alone whereas an introvert recharges from solitude. Many introverts could easily go out to a cocktail party and talk up everyone in the room — and they may enjoy themselves doing it. But at the end of the day, they’ll look forward to restoring their energy by coming home and reading in bed with a cup of tea. Introverts really do like people and we like socializing,” Dembling says. “We just like it in different ways than extroverts.

Introverts do not need extroverts to feel happy however extroverts need introverts to feel good because without people around their fun is incomplete. We introverts have to cook up so many excuses to avoid these extroverts from I have tummy ache; to I have project work etc. However, my Dad and FIL had reached a stage where they could simply say “I don’t want to go because I don’t like it.” I am waiting for that day in my life when I would have the courage to just say “Please leave me alone”

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38 thoughts on “Introvert Vs Extrovert #MondayMusings”

What a lovely article, Balaka! It’s nice getting to know you through your blog and it does take courage to be open about our realities on the public space . So, I congratulate you on that count.
Really enjoyed your wonderfully written article.
Best wishes,
Moon

This sounds like me and my FIL. I am sociable but fairly quiet and prefer doing my own thing. My MIL is very opinionated and likes a good debate. When we go and stay I find that I tend to sit in the other room whilst the rest of the family debate loudly whilst my FIL sits quietly. #mg

This is almost like my family…my MIL is extremely talkative while FIL was a man of few words…I always felt closer to him.. I also avoid them and go and sit inside the room…I am glad you liked the post. Thanks for reading and commenting. #mg

Ah, this is so true. I am an introvert. I like people, but sometimes I just need to recharge my batteries on my own. I like parties and socialising, but sometimes I need to relax. I am definitely about quality friendships over quantity and I am frequently misunderstood. Thanks for sharing an extroverts perspective. Pen x #mg

Nicely put and absolutely true. I’m an introvert myself. That I can comfortably converse with someone virtually, but really not eager to talk even over the phone, holds strong to this fact. This is a genuine sign of being an introvert. I wrote a similar piece on my blog.

The internet revolution has given the power to introverts to come out of their closets and declare to the world of their introversion. Why? Because for doing this they don’t have to meet people and talk, they can do it comfortably by sitting alone and writing and typing it down. My mother has been an introvert all her life and she has been branded for it by other people and also my father who overcame his childhood introversion with time and age. She was always apologetic for the way she was until the time I connected with the introvert world and spirituality and made her feel comfortable about herself that she and I are not the abnormal ones. Reverse parenting you can call it. She is open to learning from her children while my father is not. He knows too much is his belief. I can tell you I have reached the stage where I am so much at ease with myself that I can clearly tell people that I don’t feel like becoming a part of their parties, get-togethers, and festival celebrations. I don’t care what they think about me after hearing me. I am done with all the judgments.

You almost wrote a post😀😂😂
I think we introverts should start a movement “stop shaming us” stop branding and judging us. It is difficult for an introvert woman or man to cope if their spouse is extrovert…

I’m neither an introvert nor an extrover nor am I a moody person. But I do understand your sentiment about doing things you don’t want to do and dealing with negativity. I too want to be able to tell people – just leave me be!

Hey, this post could very well be written by me! I am a complete introvert. I like my own company, have just a few friends who have been with me for decades and am in love with solitude! And, that’s how I will be always!
Glad to meet another introvert!

I am officially part of your introvert club. I honestly feel like my brain may explode if I do not get alone time to recharge. I love people and have loads of friends, but I need to find quiet time to recover. Great post! #mg

Welcome to the club😀😀😀 you are so right to use the word “explode” I also feel exactly the same..that my brain would explode if I do not get my solitary time…great to connect with people who feel the same…it assures me that I am normal…thank you so much for this lovely comment.

Fascinating topic. Especially the pressure that can be put on people to act extrovertly, whether it’s real or not. here in Ireland we talk about people in terms of them being great ‘craic’ (fun) or not. It takes all types. Our 12-year-old falls between the stools. He is his own boy but will admit when pushed he would like to be more popular. Then one day we were exploring his thoughts on a boy in school he described as very popular, and I was so proud when my boy told me “It’s easy to be popular, I could do it if I wanted, but I don’t want to do those things”. That’s our boy!

I always felt this pressure to be popular when I was in school, even in college. I was shy and always stood in the last row to avoid the spotlight however my Mom felt I was not smart enough. I absolutely agree with your boy that it is easy to be popular however we do not want to do all those stuff. Thanks for this lovely comment. #mg

Recharging from solitude and loving their company above others are the two marked traits of an Introvert. You are right – they can chat an entire room up at a get together but will then need some me time to get over it! I tend to veer a little towards the extrovert part though at heart I am an introvert only. I can never get bored in my company and dont need people to go out for a movie/ meal/shopping!! I love being with me but I also enjoy chatting with peeps. I love weddings and parties of closer knit groups and tend to have a good time there!!
Lovely topic for the Monday musings Balaka – felt good to read this.

Walking into a room where I knew nobody would be a nightmare to me. I think I counteract this by turning up to an event early and talking to a set few before the masses arrive. So I’m most likely an introvert. #mg