Child Abuse/Neglect/Incest Survivors

Mary J. Blige is empowering women with this message in her music, her interviews, and at the new Mary J. Blige Center for Women in her hometown of Yonkers, New York. The Center is a sanctuary for physically and emotionally abused women. It provides a network of support and services including psychologists, doctors, day care centers, and scholarships. Ms. Blige intends to expand the concept from her home base to the world:

It starts here. I can’t start in Africa because we need help here. Women are suffering all over the world.

When we think of Bill Clinton’s presidency, passage of the Violence Against Women Act isn’t typically the first thing that comes to mind. Yet, he is a tremendous champion for family violence prevention and for people who have experienced abuse. He’s walked in our shoes.

Pat Conroy is a champion for social justice. He’s done more to break down the walls of silence surrounding domestic violence and child abuse than anyone. He summarized his quest early on in The Lords of Discipline (1980) in a passage that chills my soul every time I read it.

The songbird will be blogging every Friday for the next month right here on The Boot, sharing with her fans memories about life on the ranch, life on the road and life lessons. [This is the best story of surviving childhood abuse and abandonment that I’ve read in terms of useful, practical ideas of how to move from barely surviving to thriving and finding joy.]

Dr. Kelly treats police officers who need surgery for free to thank them for intervening in his parents’ domestic violence. He pioneered a minimally invasive technique to remove brain tumors. And, you know I’ve got to love a guy who invented a way to map brain tumors based on his boat’s navigational system.

Stacey Lannert endured 10 years of rape (ages 8 to 18) before she murdered her father. But, the jury never heard this evidence because it was deemed irrelevant and contrary to the prosecuting attorney’s theory of the case.

. . .in some fashion most of us grew up in dysfunctional families. And, we most likely attended some dysfunctional schools and worked in one or more dysfunctional organizations. So, how do we, as individuals, do more than just survive?

– Michael Lisagor

Michael Lisagor credits his wife Trude for helping him successfully cross the bridge from childhood chaos to joyful life. For over 40 years, they’ve embraced the empowering teachings of Buddhism to reach their full potential:

“As I romanced the Buddha in my life, I started to learn how to forgive adolescent me and rely more on enlightened me.”

Trude and Michael are an amazingly inspiring couple. Michael calls Trude his “pillar,” ”source of strength,” and “Most Beautiful One.”

Their marriage is an equal, unified partnership. They reared their girls to expect to be treated with dignity and respect, and both girls have ”well-developed self-images.”

At age 66, Frank McCourt published his first book: Angela’s Ashes. It was a New York Times best-seller for two years, won a Pulitzer Prize, and became a movie. His success inspired other people who had experienced abuse to write their own memoirs. There wouldn’t be a Life Rafts section on this web site but for Frank McCourt.

Alyse Myers, former New York Times marketing executive/writer (Who Do You Think You Are?): child abuse and neglectIf you loved The Glass Castleby Jeannette Walls, you will love Alyse Myers’ memoir.

It’s a miracle that Alyse Myers survived her hellish nightmare of a childhood. It’s a greater miracle that she has a thriving career and her own loving family. How did she do it?

Victor Rivas Rivers’memoir A Private Family Matteris by far the best survivor story I’ve read. Mr. Rivers is the national spokesperson for the National Network to End Domestic Violence (NNEDV). Yes, a former NFL offensive guard for the Miami Dolphins and an actor who has been in dozens of movies is the spokesperson for an issue that many think is reserved for women.

As Father’s Day approaches, I believe we need to acknowledge that a whole lot of us grew up in homes where father didn’t know best. Many of our fathers were abusive tyrants who terrified the hell out of us on a daily basis. Some beat us with fists. Others beat us with words and glares. We weren’t protected by a strong and gentle man. We were on our own to survive as best we could. I think Mr. Rivers’ story of child abuse and neglect, starvation, and emotional abuse will feel quite familiar to many child abuse survivors.

Joe Torre is famous for his baseball career ~ especially his years as the coach of the New York Yankees. Most people aren’t aware that Joe Torre’s father, a New York City cop, was abusive. Although these childhood experiences left their scars, Torre believes they prepared him to deal effectively with Yankee owner George Steinbrenner.

Torre has been a strong advocate for domestic violence prevention. He established the Safe at Home foundation and became a member of the Founding Fathers movement which promotes the “Coach Boys into Men” media campaign and training programs. You can watch the “Coach Boys into Men” public service announcement (PSA) at the Family Violence Prevention Fund’s web site.

Wynona Ward is an unlikely hero. She grew up in poverty and abuse in rural West Fairlee, Vermont. Her alcoholic father first sexually assaulted her when she was three. He beat her, her mother, and her siblings. He molested her sisters too. And, her niece (his granddaughter) when she was three. The charges were dropped in that case because the toddler was deemed too young to testify.

A prosecutor, who had seen her in action, encouraged her to go to law school. She started law school at age 44 and earned her law degree from Vermont Law School in 1998 while working as a Schweitzer Fellow in the school’s legal clinic. She was named the 1998 Outstanding Law Student by Who’s Who. The experience inspired her to create Have Justice ~ Will Travel (HJWT) to serve women experiencing domestic violence in rural Vermont. She knew their stories. It was her story too.

I was shocked to discover yesterday afternoon that Oprah’s infamous eating disorder/food addiciton is rooted in being whipped by her grandmother. It was a repeat of her show with Geneen Roth, author of the best-selling Women, Food, and God.

Oprah has talked candidly about her struggles with the disease to please. A lot of us have issues saying “no.” She described the anxiety she experiences each time she has to say “no.” Read more. . .

Share this:

Like this:

2 responses to “Child Abuse/Neglect/Incest Survivors”

I am a victim of incest, finally on the upswing of the healing process after years of denial, drug abuse, premarital sex, etc. just darkness. Following and during the abuse I received from my father, I actually began college, completed about 2 and half years and had to drop out because I married someone just like my father. I now am a single parent with two children and have finally begun to face and somewhat heal from my abuse. I desperately want to go back to school and finish with a bachelors, then a masters in psychology to help women who are where I was for so long, and hopefully, come full circle on my own healing. My student loans from before are behind, and I am all my children have in monetary support, so I am researching and writing to find educational grants for Women in my position. If there is any way you can help, please contact me. Any help, leads, support, etc, would be more than appreciated, Thank You!

Doris Buffett’s Sunshine Lady Foundation (she’s Warren’s sister) issues educational grants to women like you, Randi. If you search for “Doris Buffet” on my site, you will find a book review that has the appropriate links embedded in it. Good luck!

Elizabeth Gilbert is the quintessenial role model for leveraging a person's talents to learn how to survive, thrive, and find joy. When life handed her the lemons of a bitter divorce, she squeezed those lemons into the stratosphere of best-selling books. Eat, Pray, Love: One Woman's Search for Everything Across Italy, India, and Indonesia was on th […]

Physical abuse is no longer just about bruises and broken bones. Emotional abuse is about more than hurt feelings. The long-term health impacts of domestic violence (DV) are being characterized as "epidemic" and a "national scourge" by Robert S. Thompson, MD, because DV affects between 25% and 54% of women in their adult lifetimes, and a […]

The Artist's Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity: A Course in Discovering and Recovering Your Creative Self by Julia Cameron is a fabulous book and a 12-week fantastic experience. I've done the course twice. At the end of my first course, the other participants created a protection circle for me. It was a life-altering experience to be in th […]