Dimelo: "Did He Break Up With Me Because I Wasn't Intimate With Him?"

I am 21-years-old and madly in love with a man who wined and dined me for two months before deciding he didn't want a relationship. Instead, he said, he wanted to focus on his degree and his career. Coming from a strict Cuban family, I didn't get intimate with him because I wanted to get to know him better and learn his real intentions. Now I wonder if that's the reason he backed off.

When I see him around, he is polite but no more, and he only says hello if I speak to him first. My friends say they see him with other girls at the local club and I just have a weird feeling in my stomach.

Why is it that boys in their twenties don't want real relationships these days? I there anything I can do to win this papi back? I really like him!

Sincerely,

La Inocenta

Dear Inocenta,

Let's cut to the chase, M'ija. You wanna know how to win this guy back? Have sex with him. Pretty sure Mr. Papi Chulo won't be turning that offer down. I'm not promising he's going to call you back after he pulls his pants back up.

Wait...What? Ohhhhh, you thought I was being serious? Not in the slightest, m'jita. I was merely trying to remind you of the point you yourself made your question to me -- you know -- the one about your morals and suspicions that he backed off because you weren't jumping into bed with him to begin with? I'm going out on a very sturdy limb here and agreeing with you. But I'm taking it a few steps further and explaining why I think Papi Chulo was trying to do right by you when he stopped returning your calls.

The short version is that you're right and he's not ready for a committed relationship. The longer answer is he isn't stupid and is perfectly aware that he needs to grow up a bit before doing the committing. Not every 20-something is running for the hills when a relationship more serious than a one-night-stand is brewing, but it takes a certain amount of emotional maturity to admit when the timing just isn't right. I happen to know plenty of nice guys who burned their little black books in the name of love while in their twenties and every one of them will tell you they stayed as far away as possible from the girls they could bring home to mami. It's not that he doesn't like you, but more like he actually likes you a lot and respects your boundaries enough to bow out until later.

Mind you, I'm not promising he's going to show up with a ring and some roses after X amount of time and you'll go riding off into the sunset together (but if he does, promise to let me know?). Who knows where either one of you will end up? The bottom line is you'll find the right commitment with the right guy will just...happen...at the right time. For now, delete is phone number, stop texting him, and stop peppering your friends for field reports on who they saw him with when since, without a commitment, his business isn't your business, anyway. -- Elsa said it best. Just Let it Go.

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