How to Make Friends

Sometimes people can have fights, but friendship is a valuable gift. Sometimes, good friends are hard to find. Acquiring friends requires making yourself seem attractive to new people, initiating conversations, and being mindful of the needs of others. Meeting new people and making friends can seem like an overwhelming task. But with a little effort and willingness to step outside of your comfort zone, you can easily make friends. Like most people, you want to make friends with someone, but they are already friends with, perhaps, the person you fought with. There is always a future to friendship.

1. Participate in social activities. Meet people with similar interests by joining a club, team, or volunteering.
2. Talk to people. Start or join a conversation, and invite others to do activities with you to show you’re interested and available.
3. Maintain the friendships you have. Be loyal, reliable, trustworthy, and supportive.
Continue reading below to learn all about making new friends...

Join an organization or club. This is a great way to find other people who have common interests. You don't necessarily need to have a lot of common interests with people in order to make friends with them. In fact, some of the most rewarding friendships are between two people who don't have much in common at all. However, if you like a specific topic, try searching for a location where you can meet people who share that interest.[1]

A church, Mosque, temple or other house of worship is a great place to start since you at least have a religious faith in common. However, if you do enter a religious building, remember to be respectful in the house of their God.

In addition to church activities, you can join the science club at school, the marching band, a knitting group, or any other shared-interest activity.

Join a sports team. A common misconception about this is that you have to be really good at playing a particular sport in order to make friends with others on the team. But not all teams are so competitive. As long as you enjoy the sport and support your teammates, joining a local team with a laid-back attitude could be a great way to make new friends.[2]

Spending time together at practices and games is a great way to bond with others and make new friends.

Volunteer. Volunteering is also a good way for people of all ages to meet others. By working together, you build bonds with people. You may also meet others who have a passion for changing things the way you do (a common cause).[3]

Donate your time at a local nursing home, a hospital, or a non-profit organization.

Make yourself available. If you want to make friends, you first need to put yourself out there somehow in order to meet people. If you just sit alone, friends might come to you – but that's not likely. If you're still in school, sit somewhere with other people. It doesn't have to be a crowded table, but one with at least two other people.

Remember, friends seldom come knocking on your door while you sit at home playing on your laptop.

Talk to people. You can join a club, go to school, or go to church, but you still won't make friends if you don't actually talk to people. By the same token, you don't have to be involved with an organization to be social. Any time you talk to someone, you have a chance at making a lasting friend. Most conversations may be a dead-end of sorts, and you may never talk to that person again, or you just remain acquaintances – but once in a while you'll actually make a friend.[4]

You can talk to anybody: the clerk at the video store, the person sitting next to you on the bus, or the person in front of you in the lunch line. Don't be too picky.

Make eye contact and smile. If you have an unfriendly countenance, people are less likely to be receptive to your friendship. Look people directly in the eye when they are speaking to you (or when you are speaking to them) and offer them a warm, friendly smile.[5]

Do not squint, look bored, frown, or appear blankly deadpan, fold your arms (this practically screams "don't talk to me") or hang out in a corner; such habits may make you look troubled or disinterested.

Start a conversation. Once you find a person you’re interested in becoming friends with, you need to initiate a conversation with that person. This will help you connect to that person and start forming a friendship.[6]

Try making a comment about your immediate environment. The weather is a classic: "At least it's not raining like last week!"

Make a request for help: "Can you help me carry a few boxes, if you have a minute?" or "Can you help me decide which one of these is a better gift for my mom?"

Give a compliment: "That's a nice car" or "I love your shoes."

Follow up immediately with a related question: Do you like this warm weather? What kinds of gifts do you normally buy for your mom? Where did you get shoes like that?

Make small talk. Keep the 30% talking/70% listening ratio in mind during small talk when possible. Keep in mind that this is only a general rule, and it can change from situation to situation as needed.[7]

People enjoy talking about themselves. So, listening more than you talk will make you seem like a desirable friend.

Introduce yourself at the end of the conversation. It can be as simple as saying "Oh, by the way, my name is..." Once you introduce yourself, the other person will typically do the same.[8]

Remember his or her name. If you show that you remembered things from your past conversation(s) with the person, not only will you look intelligent but he or she will see that you were paying attention and are willing to be a true friend.

Ask them out for lunch or coffee. That will give you a better opportunity to talk and get to know each other a little bit better. Invite them to join you for coffee sometime and give them your email address or phone number. This gives the person the opportunity to contact you; they may or may not give you their information in return, but that's fine.[9]

A good way to extend yourself is to say: "Hey, well, I've got to go, but if you ever want to talk over lunch or coffee or anything like that, let me give you my number/e-mail address."

Maybe they don't have time for new friends – don't take it personally. Just offer your contact information to whoever seems to be potentially a good friend, and eventually somebody will get in touch.

Initiate a get-together. You can chat your heart out but it won't get you a friend if you don't open up the opportunity for another conversation or meeting. This is especially important if you meet someone who you aren't otherwise likely to meet again.[10]

Tell some new people that you’re having people over to watch a football game or for a fun dinner party. Or suggest going out to the movies or to a bar as a group.

Pursue common interests. If you've discovered that the person you're talking to has a common interest, ask them more about it and, if appropriate, whether they get together with others (in a club, for example) to pursue this interest. If so, this is a perfect opportunity to ask about joining them. If you clearly express interest (when? where? can anyone come?) they'll probably invite you.

If you have a club, band, church, etc. that you think they might enjoy, take the opportunity to give them your number or email address and invite them to join you.

Be loyal to a friend. You've probably heard of fair-weather friends. They're the ones who are happy to be around you when things are going well, but are nowhere to be found when you really need them. Being a loyal friend will attract other people to you who value that quality. This is a good way to put your money where your mouth is and attract the kind of friends you want in your life.[11]

Part of being a friend is being prepared to make sacrifices of your time and energy in order to help out your friends.

If a friend needs help with an unpleasant chore, or if he or she just needs a shoulder to cry on, be there for them.

Be a good friend. Once you've started spending time with potential friends, remember to do your part. If you want to have good friends in your life, you need to be a good friend yourself. No one will want to be your friend if they can see that you won’t return the sentiment.[12]

This means initiating some of the activities, remembering birthdays, asking how the other person is feeling, etc. If you don’t do these things, the friendship will become unbalanced and an uneasiness or distance is likely to arise.

Be reliable. When you say you'll do something, do it. Be someone that people know that they can count on. If you embody these qualities in your treatment of others, it will attract others who appreciate reliability and who will be reliable in return.[13]

If you and your friend agree to meet somewhere, don't be late, and do not stand them up.

If you're not going to make it on time or make it at all, call them as soon as you realize it. Apologize and ask to reschedule.

Don't make them wait for you unexpectedly; it's rude, and it is certainly not a good way to launch a potential friendship.

Be a good listener. Many people think that in order to be seen as "friend material" they have to appear very interesting. Far more important than this, however, is the ability to show that you're interested in others. Listen carefully to what people say, remember important details about them (their names, their likes and dislikes), ask questions about their interests, and just take the time to learn more about them.[14]

You don't want to be the guy or girl that always has a better story than anyone else, or that changes the subject abruptly instead of continuing the flow of conversation. These people appear too wrapped up in themselves.

Be trustworthy. One of the best things about having a friend is that you have someone to whom you can talk about anything, even secrets that you hide from the rest of the world. Before people even feel comfortable opening up to you, however, you need to build trust.

The key to being a good confidante is the ability to keep secrets. It's no secret that you shouldn't tell other people things that were told to you in confidence.

Emphasize your good qualities. Project the good, unique qualities about yourself. Show others what makes you stand apart from the crowd. Talk about your interests and hobbies. Share a little bit about your background with new friends. Everyone has interesting stories to tell – don’t be afraid to share yours. If you are a unique person, then show it.[15]

A little humor always keeps conversation light and happy. People love to be around someone who makes them laugh.

If you have a quirky, different style of humor then make sure you let them know that the things you say are in fact a joke. This way you don't just come across as simply weird. It will also help them understand a bit more about you too, which could potentially spark their interest.

Keep in touch. Many people often times lose contact with their friends because they're either too busy, or just don't value their friends enough. When you lose connection with a friend, the friendship may fizzle out. And when you do try to contact them again, it can be hard to rekindle the friendship.[16]

Maintaining friendship is hard work. Make time and share your life with them. Be respectful of their decisions and share yours with him. Strive to keep in contact over time.

Choose your friends wisely. As you befriend more people, you may find that some are easier to get along with than others. While you should always give people the benefit of the doubt, sometimes you may realize that certain friendships are unhealthy, such as if a person is obsessively needy or controlling towards you, constantly critical, or introducing dangers or threats into your life. If this is the case, ease your way out of the friendship as gracefully as possible. Cherish those friends you make who are a positive influence in your life, and do your best to be a positive influence in theirs.[17]

If you have to leave a friend because they aren’t good for you, try to preoccupy yourself with other things, such as a new volunteer opportunity, so that you can honestly say that you don't have enough time in your schedule to spend time with them (but don't substitute their time for time with other friends; they may notice and become jealous, and more drama will ensue).

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Community Q&A

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How do I make friends if I am shy when meeting new people?

Answered by
wikiHow Contributor

Try not to think about what they will think of you. Also, consider talking about something you are familiar with; this will make the conversation more comfortable for you. Lastly, you can always let the other person talk and listen to them; some people love to talk and need good listeners.

Prove them wrong. Those people don't even know you. There is an old saying that says: “If someone isn't what others want them to be, the others become angry. Everyone seems to have a clear idea of how other people should lead their lives, but none about his or her own.” You can show them that you're better than what they think.

Try to solve things first, ask to talk to them to see if they will tell you why they are mad. If they won't tell you, won't talk, or even walk away, you could try at a different time or just let it be but be friendly every time you meet. Over time, their animosity may decrease when they realize that you're determined to always be friendly.

Talk to her when she's on her own. Ask her why she isn't friends with you anymore, and if it's something that you've done wrong, apologize. However, realize that your friend may want to move on and truly doesn't wish to be friends with you, so be prepared for rejection as well.

Find your inner courage and be observant rather than in denial. Friendships don't always last the test of time, new people, romantic interests, and other changes. If your friend really is pulling away, you can suggest a fireside chat to try to work things out together. But if your friend doesn't want to be in the friendship anymore, treasure what you had and start to look for new friends.

If they don't like you, then they're not friend material. When you approach them, be yourself, not who they want you to be. If they show disapproval/makes fun of you/etc, then go find people who understand you for you. If you're slightly weird, then try to be decently normal the first meeting, but you can't go through your relationship as another person. You have to reveal yourself after a while and the friends you can rely on will accept you as you are.

Don't think down about yourself! The more you think this way about yourself, the more you convince yourself it's true. Develop confidence and keep your head high. Find people who have similar interests as you, or join a club/sports team if you're concerned about being lonely at a new school. And most of all, tell yourself you are beautiful. The more you do this the more you believe it, and eventually you'll start seeing your beauty shine.

Perhaps it is only some people who think that you're rude, so you could try to be friends with other people. If you have difficulty with social interactions for any reason, this may be coming across as rudeness and you could explain your problem so that others see that you're not being rude on purpose. Take it slowly, rather than barging in and taking over conversations or activities; let people observe that you're a great person and worth getting to know.

How do I make friends when I only have one friend and she gets jealous?

Answered by
wikiHow Contributor

If she gets super jealous, then she isn't really a friend to you, you are a friend to her. A friend understands you. However, all friends get jealous sometimes, and it can help to talk to her first to let her know that she is your best friend but that it might be nice to have a few other friends in your friendship circle. At least you've given her a heads up and considered her feelings, so if she still gets jealous, then maybe she's a little too possessive.

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Mica Jones

Jul 18, 2016

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Oct 23, 2016

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Wilmer Wong

Mar 4

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Sep 4

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Anonymous

Aug 28

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Annie Westwood

Mar 10

"I had no friends until I read this. It changed my life forever. It inspired me to join a church and make friends with God. Now I don't need real friends because God is always by my side."..." more

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Anonymous

Jun 21

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Anonymous

Feb 20

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Fred F.

Mar 21

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Karina Jimenez

Jan 10

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Anonymous

Jul 7

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Quinn Morgenroth

Oct 29, 2016

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Jul 23

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Princess Eniola

May 30

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May 31

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Nov 19, 2016

"It gave very detailed tips. It helps people, especially when they run out of friends and need someone by their side. "..." more

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Maria Nova

Mar 21, 2016

"I learned a lot about myself and how I will approach others in the future. It's never too late to make friends."

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Antonio Vicenzo

Dec 27, 2016

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Anonymous

Feb 19

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Dorothy Leezer

Aug 27

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Anonymous

Feb 26

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Rachel Byun

May 16

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Alex Lemon

Oct 9, 2016

"This was really good! I got my first friend. :) Thank you very much, he is my bestie."