There seems to be a time in everyone’s life when they start to ask why something had happened. I have lost many people in my life and I have asked myself why more often than not. Eventually, I had to let these thoughts go as I did people that I have held dearly in my heart. The questions of why have hit me pretty hard this summer.

There are questions I have had to deal with often is why am I writing?

Why do I continue to write?

Why do I have times when I don’t want to write?

This last week has been very challenging for me. I thought when I started writing again after not doing so for 10 years it would be great and simple. The words would flow out of me like floodwaters taking over my mind and I would just sit to write for hours daily, but it is not always like that. The ideas have been there swarming around in my head daily because I have not had a shortage of them. It was the fear of not being good enough and failing I have had to deal with head-on.

I first had to come to the conclusion I had nothing to lose by writing. Now it was not as easy as it sounds there were a lot of nights where I was making lists of worst-case situations. I remember one of them being I would lose friends but it turned out most of them don’t read (thank you for the ones that do read this). My family would hate me for the things I had written, but it turned out they don’t read my writing (which in the end is probably a good thing lol). I think those thoughts then led me to what if no one likes it or reads it, but why does it matter in the end. There will always be people that don’t like you, are not interested in what you are doing.

Then when I sit down to write, I jump into my character worlds the next part just comes, and it is wonderful. I would be flowing and writing was enjoyable and easy. Sometimes I stare at the screen for a bit before anything comes out of me. There are other days when it is hard at all to even sit down at the computer to write.

One those days when I don’t want to sit down to write, I read. I read many different types of books. I love reading have a lot of books I am in the middle for various reasons. I wanted to start new book Saturday night so I did. I kept my self-control and only read the first chapter. Oh man, it was hard to stop I was hooked I wanted to know what happened. No, I am not going to tell you the book, but I will say it is a new popular young adult literature book.

After reading this first chapter, I sat in awe and then that nagging voice popped into my head. It said, “You will never be a good enough writer to be as successful as they are or anyone else like them. How could you ever compete? Most of all why would you try?” I really started to think about it what keeps an artist today painting when Monet is already out there and brilliant? After some tears and really questioning whether I should even continue to keep writing I came to some conclusions.

Claude Monet was not really popular in his time anyway

I would not be myself if I didn’t write.

My head would be over maximum capacity if I didn’t let my characters live out their lives on paper.

I would write even if no one read it.

I love to write.

So if you find this nagging voice inside saying why bother, tell it to shut up and get out! Walk out your dreams you don’t know where they will take you! Hang on to the reason why you are writing whatever that maybe!

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