On a special Teacher's Day, a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts
from her pupils.
The florist's son handed her a gift. She shook it, held it over her head,
and said "I bet I know what it is....some flowers."
"That's right!" said the boy.
"But how did you know?"
"Just a wild guess," she said.
The next pupil was the candy store owner's daughter. The teacher held her
gift overhead, shook it, and said: "I bet I can guess what it is...a box of candy."
"That's right! But how did you know?" asked the girl.
"Just a lucky guess," said the teacher.
The next gift was from the liquor store owner's son. The teacher held it
over her head but it was leaking. She touched a drop of the leakage with her
finger and tasted it.
"Is it wine?" she asked.
"No," the boy replied.
The teacher repeated the process, touching another drop of the leakage to her tongue.
"Is it champagne?" she asked.
"No," the boy replied.
The teacher then said, "I give up, what is it?"
The boy replied, "A puppy!"

A dog has been arrested for barking
at a bush in an aggressive
manner. The incident took place
outside Mr. Smith's house on
the 5th May. Some of the leaves
were said to be deeply disturbed
by the attack. The bush has now
ceased to grow anymore. Mr. Smith
has issued a statement through his
solicitors detailing that he loved
that bush. He used to stroke
the bush every day and now that a
dog has deflowered his bush, he is
at a loss on what to do. The dog
was taken to a secure unit
and used for scientific
research so that scientists can find
out if the new brand of strawberry
scented cyanide pills are safe for human
consumption. Tests are coming
along very well and the dog, lovingly
called Napalm by his new owners,
is enjoying his stay in solitary
confinement. However, he does say
that the new pills hurt his tummy a bit.

A salesman is talking to a farmer when he looks over and sees a rooster
wearing pants, a shirt, and suspenders.
He says, "What on earth is that all about?"
The farmer says, "We had a fire in the chicken coop two months ago and all
his feathers got singed off, so the wife made him some clothes to keep
him warm."
"Okay, but that was two months ago. Why does he still wear them?"
The farmer said, "There ain't nothing funnier than watching him try to hold
down a hen with one foot and get his pants down with the other."

A 3-year-old went with his dad to see a litter of kittens.
On returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother
that there were two boy kittens and two girl kittens.
"How did you know?" his mother asked.
"Daddy picked them up and looked underneath," he replied
"I think it's printed on the bottom."