Keep The Connection

Time flies, there’s no doubt about it. My eldest son, Ben, is fifteen years old,and all those years seem to literally have gone in a flash. I can vividly remember, his birth, how amazingly special it is to hold your newborn baby in your arms, and how nothing else ,at that moment, matters in the world.

I also remember his first birthday. He had a full head of blonde ringlets (he loves to be reminded!), and he wore a blue t-shirt with an alien on the front. I sometimes cling to these memories when the teenage ‘monster’ raises it’s ugly head now. Luckily for me, (and him) I can remember what a challenge I was to my parents at fifteen, I didn’t want to be anywhere near them at home, let alone go out in public with them. So I try to empathise, as does his dad. It doesn’t always work, we’ve ‘lost it’ with him on several occasions. Now though, we give him a long lead, and recently have had to reign it in just a handful of times. With the school ski trip on the horizon, his favourite activity in the whole wide world, we have a lot to bargain with!

My blog today is really a reminder to all us parents how important it is to keep a connection going with our children. If you have things in common it makes life so much easier. You’ll always have something you can do together that isn’t forced or pressurised, something that brings fun, laughter, enjoyment and together-ness.

I trained as a massage therapist a very long time ago, and as it turns out it’s one of the best decisions I’ve made in my life. Not only do I find it therapeutic to do, I love the pleasure, relaxation and contentment it gives. My children have been massaged since being tiny tots. All were dragged to baby massage classes, and as they got a little older and I had three under five I used to line them up on the carpet, wrapped in towels, after their bath, and massage them. They loved it, I loved it; it was a win, win situation.

Every now and then they still ask for massage, usually after an injury from sport, or after a bad nights sleep or after travelling for a long time. I NEVER refuse, ever. It bonds us, and I’m clinging on to that. My massage couch stays up almost permanently and my range of essential oils grows every month. Neal’s Yard Organic offer such an amazing range, and as a distributor I get a great discount.

Ben’s recently been diagnosed as having a slight curvature at the top of his spine, for which he’s having chiropractic treatment, with Dave at Brighter Life (based in Sicklinghall) – he loves Dave because he treats him like an adult, and enjoys the treatments, and benefits from them very much. He also frequently, more so than usual, asks me to massage him. My almost six foot son, who I keep thinking I’m losing touch with, comes back to his mum for massage. Beautiful.

He loves it so much he hates it when I do the lighter effleurage movements which signal I’m about to finish, and he grabs my hands. Last night he said he’d like to learn to do massage, by attending an evening class at college when he’s sixteen. I’m thrilled to bits. He even asked me if I’d go and re-do it with him. We have a connection, and I love it. I’m keeping it. If it gets me through the distancing years of him being a teenager it’ll be worth it’s weight in gold.

Comments

My baby boy is nearly 26 and throughout his teenage years, when some pretty horrendous stuff happened, I was determined to keep the channels of communication open and to be there for him. Through that difficult time, I learned what the expression “unconditional love” means.

Now, my gorgeous son (who is also a Ben!) rings me two or three times a week. Sometimes our chats last merely moments but other times, we talk for ages and he supports me as much as I support him.

We now have a bond that will not be broken, ever, and even though he is now through his teenage years, he is still travelling along a bumpy road so the teenage difficulties have been replaced with young man difficulties.

You won’t ever lose that connection with your Ben, Ruth. You have been building those ties with him since he was a baby and even though you will lose your teenager, he will be replaced by a fine young man.