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Why I Do NOT Have An Emergency Kit

Soooooooo, I went to open my “Emergency Kit” to update any expired food, etc and instead was greeted by a poof of black moldy dust that appeared to be a result of a can of black beans getting in fight with a Gymboree sundress.

Because I am the worriest worrier who has ever worried, I called poison control to make sure I wasn’t going to be patient zero for some new airborne plague, which resulted in a visit from an ambulance and a fire truck full of nice men who kept offering to “check my vitals.”

I tried to bribe them with fresh banana bread to forget this ever happened, but surprisingly, they didn’t want to accept fresh baked goods from the crazy mold lady wearing 10 year old maternity yoga pants and no bra. (Yes, I did have a shirt on too.)

When they make a movie about my life, here is how this scene will look.