CMS holds bullying discussion

Friday

Nov 15, 2013 at 2:00 AM

STRATHAM — Cooperative Middle School guidance counselors talked to parents about what to do if their child is a victim of bullying or cyberbullying Wednesday night, but they also alerted them to several newer mobile applications or Web sites their children might be using.

Jeff McMenemy

STRATHAM — Cooperative Middle School guidance counselors talked to parents about what to do if their child is a victim of bullying or cyberbullying Wednesday night, but they also alerted them to several newer mobile applications or Web sites their children might be using.

Margot Walker, a student assistance counselor, told parents the most popular Web site students tell staff at the school about is Ask.fm, where someone can post a photo of themselves and ask a question and then other people can respond anonymously.

"I told a kid you must as well put a big sign on your head that says kick me," Walker said Wednesday night. "Kids who don't like you, it just puts an open forum for them to say mean things about you. It's kind of like watching a car wreck. Once kids start they can't stop, because they don't want to miss what anyone is saying."

Walker said one of the more popular mobile applications, known as Apps, student are using is secret vault, which allows kids to create a "secret photo vault that when you look at their phone you can't see it."

Walker noted such an App can be important because they've seen "a lot of sexting" cases where boys will go online and ask girls to send them inappropriate pictures.

Kim Felch, a school counselor who's a member of the SAU16 Bullying Task Force, said after the presentation to a group of about 10 parents, that another popular newer App is called SnapChat.

"It's tricky because it's text with a picture and it doesn't get saved," Felch said. "It will disappear after a while."

But before it does, you can take a screenshot of the picture and text and save it to your phone if you want, Felch said.

Many kids in the middle school are using SnapChat more than Facebook, Walker said.

"A lot of kids these days say Facebook is passe," Walker said.

During the meeting in the library of the middle school, Felch said middle-school staff are "so thankful that kids tell us everything."

"There's different levels of technology," Felch said. "It's so much that as a parent and as an adult, we have no other option but to play catch-up."

She also pointed out that while there's cases of more traditional physical bullying, "ninety percent of what we're dealing with is technology."

The guidance counselors talked about the new technology as they outlined what parents should do if their child is being bullied and what types of bullying can occur.

Walker said school staff typically tell students to say something to another student who they believe is bullying them, but if it happens again, "you really want to talk to an adult."

"If your kid is nervous about it, come in with them," Walker said.

While boys tend to use physical force or threatening language, especially when in a group, girls are much more likely to bully online or through exclusion.

"They try to cut someone out of the group," Walker said.

Plus, a surprising amount of bullying takes place on a child's school bus, Walker said.

"Kids are willing to go farther," Walker said. "A lot of stuff happens on the bus."

Part of their job is also convincing parents that bullying is not "a part of growing up."

"It's not normal, it's not alright and it hurts people," Walker said.

Anytime either the victim of bullying, a friend or parents files a complaint with the school, one of the assistant principals conduct an investigation, which includes a five-page form, Felch said.

School staff tries to teach students that not only is it wrong to bully someone, it's wrong to join in or stand by and not report it.

But that can sometimes be difficult, Walker said, because someone who witnesses bullying doesn't want to the next victim.

"One of the reasons kids do not report is because they're afraid of retaliation," Felch said.

She recounted how after a girl had been disciplined for bullying — punishments can run from education to as much as a 10-day suspension — the girl left the office and walked down the hall, not knowing Felch was following her.

When the girl started getting in the face of the girl who reported her, Felch tapped her on the shoulder and took her back to the office, where she was suspended.

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