REVIEW: Brach’s Dessert Hearts Conversation Hearts

Brach’s Dessert Hearts Conversation Hearts fill a niche we don’t need -— gourmet flavored chalk. (Actually, I know they’re not chalk, because I minored in geology, and coccoliths are not on the ingredient list.)

Many people hate conversation hearts. I don’t fall into the hating camp, but I do recognize that they’re far from great candy. They’re really all about Valentine’s Day tradition and nostalgia.

The yellow (“SMOOCHES,” or rather “SMOO-CHES”) is bananas foster. It has a banana note, but some other kind of flavor that I think makes it worse than plain banana would be. Bananas foster sounds like too fancy a dessert for someone who cares about conversation hearts, so they could probably make it any flavor and no one would know. If I’ve had bananas foster, I don’t remember what it tastes like.

The purplish one (“YOWZA”) is raspberry sorbet. It does taste like (fake) raspberry, but it also has a medicinal flavor to it, like cough syrup.

White (“FOR YOU”) is vanilla ice cream. I do taste a vanilla bean flavor, but it’s kind of bitter; I like real ice cream better. Vanilla is literally the simplest flavor there is. I wouldn’t say they blew it, but it could have been better.

The blue (“WINK WINK”) is blueberry pie. It also has a (fake) blueberry flavor, and some other notes that I guess could be a pie crust? This might be the most authentic one (which isn’t saying much).

Then we get to the most annoying thing about these. There are two pinks, and they are very similar in color. It’s hard to tell them apart, especially if you’re not comparing them side by side. And the worst part is that one is the best flavor and one is the worst, so you can’t easily pick your favorites out.

The light pink (“MISS YOU”) is strawberry shortcake. It has the most desserty flavor, with a bit of strawberry and almost a buttery flavor. This one is my favorite.

The dark pink (“DREAM”) is cherry cobbler. This is the least flavorful and most medicinal one. It reminds me of those chalky Shamu vitamins I had in kindergarten.

The primary purpose of conversation hearts is to look cute. It has never been about the flavor, so these will work just fine for most purposes, I guess. But I think you’ll be safer with more traditional flavors.

Related

4 thoughts to “REVIEW: Brach’s Dessert Hearts Conversation Hearts”

From the point of view of science, we now can be sure at least one person has actually eaten a Conversation Heart!

I remember getting them as a child but not ever eating one.

(Bananas foster, btw, should taste of bananas and caramel. There’s usually alcohol involved — it’s one of those desserts that gets set on fire — but it’d be adequate to get the sugary, buttery caramel note in there.)

I understand this is a mass produced candy and not something grandma made, but the font of the text on the hearts looks like the “best if used by” stamp on a jar of pasta sauce or something. Not exactly very romantic