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Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Claiming Our Right To Be Real About Emotions And Feelings

No matter
what our reason is for not being able to be real and express our emotions and
feelings when we’re with our partners, we have to find a way to give ourselves enough love and respect that we can hear ourselves
saying out loud what we need to say.We
must experience ourselves making a choice for us where nobody has ever before.

And we have
to do it in a way and a place that is safe, where we can’t be punished so there
are no negative consequences.We need to
learn that claiming our rights is something we deserve reward for, not
punishment, and that we’re not doing anything wrong.

Once I
started learning how to do it, every time I was with somebody who disrespected
me – and it was pretty much all the time! – and I didn’t yet have the courage
to defend myself for real, I did it in private, somewhere safe and away from
the threat.Actually said the words out
loud, let the anger out.

I was
venomous, spiteful, the angry woman I’d always been scared to let myself be.I can’t find the words to really describe
what that freedom felt like.Claiming my
turf.I found my courage and I found my
voice.I got in touch with that part of
me that was like the lioness defending her cub.

Gradually I
started drawing my line in the sand in real time when I was with people who
didn’t respect me. At first I was
aggressive about it, but I didn’t care.It was better than not being able to say anything, stuffing my emotions
and feelings down and being completely disempowered.

But as I
grew stronger and more sure of myself, a lot of that aggression melted away.I began to see that I didn’t need it, to get love and respect.Putting down boundaries can sometimes be a
quiet thing, a knowledge inside of you that something is not okay.People get the message when you truly know it
for yourself.