If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em. A police officer in San Antonio, Texas, was driving so recklessly while trying to pull people over that other cops stopped him and discovered he was stinking drunk. Lt. Arthur MacCubbin, 47, Deputy of the Year in 2006, was charged with DWI and put on leave.

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Holy s- – -! Three people were injured at a church in Gilmer, Texas, as they prayed for a sign from God — and an out-of-control driver slammed an SUV through the wall. The driver had accidentally hit the gas instead of the brake and ended up in the auditorium of the Zion Hill Baptist Church.

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In a move bound to cause nothing but mass chaos, a Russian soccerfan association recommended its members drink copious amounts of whiskey to ward off swine flu during a trip to England for an important match. Russia’s Health Ministry has issued a travel warning against going to Britain, but hundreds are expected to go for a World Cup qualifier next month.

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Either way, somebody gets screwed. A public-opinion poll found that people in China consider prostitutes more trustworthy than government officials. Only farmers and monks ranked higher. Rampant corruption among government workers has eroded public confidence, while those engaged in the world’s oldest profession still have many fans.