I had a feeling she was going to quit racing earlier - when she gave Rhys the ride.. I thought it would be because she realised SHE didn't want to do it anyway and it didn't seem to matter to her dad much. This is a much nicer turn :) He does care..

Also, is Tom lying about Atticus? o.O Is it just a ruse to get Frankie home when Rhys is around?

o chapter 33 . 9/16/2012

I hope Doug goes easy on him. :P

Good chapter. You could definitely feel the tension as Frankie leaned out the window and let him have it. And Rhys deserves it, but I hope he redeems himself soon!

Okay, I read this one this morning on the train but I’m rereading it now as I review… I hope this will be beneficial but my emotions are high so there’s a good chance I’m going to ramble. (again!)

I’m smitten with the pacing at the start of the chapter. The ‘Rhys had lied’ slipped nicely in nicely as the narrative went on, and it really highlights Frankie’s inability to focus on anything but Rhys’ betrayal. Even as her emotions shift, it remains the staple of the scene. It read well, and I really enjoyed the race itself.

There was a brief moment of panic where I wanted to shout at Frankie to focus. Not that I don’t blame her lapse in concentration. Here’s this guy she’s been with for months, and the worst possible scenario just unfolded. The numbness came across, and the shift to her being angry was brilliant. As much as I want them to be together, it’s nice that she’s not spending the whole time crying and blaming herself. The ‘bastard’ comment made me smile as well as the ‘not bloody likely’ and ‘I'm not going to let you take this away from me too!' lines. What I enjoyed most about the shift in tone most, however, was that Frankie channels her anger to win and I really think it’s the lack of fear that drives her success. Rhys commented on her looking terrified before races much earlier in the story and then Frankie herself admits that she hates watching her own races played back because she always looks scared. I hope she is able to take this and improve her riding in the future.

The race was so well written, I could perfectly picture everything up until the end. This paragraph, I feel, was a bit confusing:
Bold Phoenix dug deep. With an extra spurt, he quickened. Three, four, five strides, but then exhaustion overruled his willingness to please. He slowed. Frankie closed her eyes. She rested her face against his mane and wrapped her arms around his neck, bobbing on his back as he changed down into a rattling trot. She looked back down the course at an upside down world. There behind them was that red lollipop. Also behind them was River Train.
You’ve certainly demonstrated your mastery of language. The last four sentences were great, I love the image of her panting, looking back at the finish line and seeing the favorite.

However, I think some important elements were lost in there. You mention that Bold Pheonix’s “exhaustion overruled hi willingness to please”, and at first I read this as a loss. However, just above it was noted that the other horses were also losing steam, so I wasn’t sure either way. The image of River Train being behind her made me think she’d won, since he was leading last we heard and she was before him. But perhaps he won and she kept going to pass him after the lollipop? I’m losing something, and it is perhaps my lack of knowledge when it comes to racing or dialect difference. However, it was never mentioned again in the chapter if she’d won or lost, so it could use some clearing up? Just a suggestion.

As for the second half of the chapter… just wonderful! I know the subject itself is difficult and far from happy, but you had my heat pounding and my teeth chewing my lip – so I’d say it was a successfully written scene.

It’s nice to see Frankie stand up for herself; I was so proud of her from going off on Rhys’ ‘come on Frankie, it’s me’ bit. Duh! She’s pissed at you, it’s going to take a lot more than just that. I do hope Rhys understands how upset she is – the trepidation she has about he and Donnie laughing behind her back makes me sick for her. (Seriously, I feel like Frankie and I are good pals and I want to defend her until I’m blue in the face!) I just… poor dear. Fictional or no, haha, I hope Rhys can redeem himself.

Evidence that Frankie’s been scorned? Look no further than this brilliant line:

She might not know him as well as she'd thought, but she still knew how to hurt him.

Tom’s comforting presence was a nice way to cap off the chapter. Frankie at least has him in her corner.

Eager as always for the next one; hope Atticus is accommodating, but no pressure. :)

Guest chapter 33 . 9/14/2012

Seriously...I am surprised this girl is still employed as a jockey...what does she do except lose races?...How can anyone continue to employ her? seems like she has lost all the important races..

LT chapter 33 . 9/14/2012

There must be more to the story than that! Donny is a prick. And I still say she was right to give up the ride on peace offering. Would Ta'qali be a possibility for the grand national?

Ah. The Chapter. It’s written like this on purpose because it’s one I’ve been waiting on for a while. In fact, it’s one that you’ve so cleverly avoided hinting at that a small part of me started to wonder if it was ever coming at all. Seriously. We all thought ‘he must be using her to soften her up to get back on Peace Offering!’ but there were no obvious, over-dramaticized events that were so clear to us readers that Frankie came off looking like a dunce. No, in face it was done so well that I’m still not convinced Rhys was using her. At least not after their first time. Either way, This Chapter is here and, wow, did it hit me like a sledgehammer in the gut. This line, especially:

'Damn, he really has done his job well.'

I swear, I felt my heart stop. I read the entire rest of the scene on the edge of my chair, feeling Frankie’s emotions. It really was a well written scene and I hope you keep most of it for the final draft. Flawless, I’d say. Truly, amazingly perfect; one of the best I’ve read on this site.

I’m beyond excited to see how Frankie reacts beyond her initial state of shock. How her race goes, how Rhys takes her realization, and, of course, where this leaves them. I’m not going to lie… the drama is awesome and it’s a great twist. Love love love this story to bits, and I’m still rooting for these two to make it. You’re just keeping things interesting. :)

The Billy vs Donnie’s reactions were framed nicely in this chapter. It’s interesting to see how you juxtaposed the polarized feelings of those men in the racing world to Tom’s sexuality. While Billy was a tad surprised, he seemed more concerned with the other man’s happiness. Donnie had the bigoted reaction Tom feared, and this paired with losing his ride to Frankie is certainly enough to set him off.

Brilliant chapter. And the nod to Gone With the Wind had me grinning. You’re the greatest and I CANNOT wait for the next installment!

Wow! What a twist. I'd been expecting it earlier.. but I somehow thought this wouldn't come up. And now it has! Can't wait to see what's going to happen next.
So so SO much tension in this chapter - on all fronts. Tom coming out, Donnie being pissed off AND homophobic, Both fathers and the possibility of a blow up on that front... drama indeed!
Also - Frankie, my dear... HAHAHAHAHHA. I was grinning so hard at that one!

1. Not sure how I feel about Tom being gay - of course, it's better than the cliched situation of him liking her, but sometimes I just like reading about a man and a woman who can be friends without hidden feelings or one of them being gay... I'm beginning to wonder if me and my guy best friend are simply one in a million!

2. Donnie's a dick. Jus' sayin' :p

3. I'm surprised that, when Rhys told Frankie that he loved her, he didn't make any comment about her not saying it back. Of course, it appears now that he's been faking it the whole time, so it makes sense, but at the time, I feel like him opening up (which he tends to not do) and her not reciprocating would have warranted some kind of reaction, even if just to keep up the act.

4. Interesting reveal about Seth! I can't say that I dislike his character now because of it, because we've never 'met' him, I'm surprised that Frankie defended him so staunchly - I adore my brother, but even I can admit that he's flawed. I guess that I would have expected a touch of resentment to bubble over here, especially given her father's behaviour at times, but that's just me - you know Frankie better than I do!

5. The 'Oh, Rhett' line is fabulous - I love how you include banter in the story. Sometimes stories get bogged down in plot and trying to make every piece of dialogue deeply meaningful, but I love seeing characters develop through the little things they do - I find its the little things that draw me to people, so I really appreciate the wee nuances you include!

6. Last of all...why are you so mean to poor Frankie?! Her Dad's angry at her, her brother's gone, her boyfriend/whatever Rhys is has just come crashing down around her... I hope the he sucks it up, gives her back the ride and she wins and rubs it in his face for the rest of his career! No, that's mean, but I want her to win the Grand National!

I’m curious to go back and read my reviews for the previous chapters regarding Frankie and Tom’s relationship. I had thought that Tom might be gay, but Frankie’s conversation with her folks might have shaken that reasoning and I doubted my initial belief. However, while I’m not completely surprised, I think you did an excellent job setting it up. It’s believable and not totally out of the blue, but it’s still shocking enough to come to the realization through Frankie’s eyes that it makes for a dramatic plot point. I’m not sure how this will much affect the story itself, but going into the ‘Third Act’ I’m interested to read more of their future interactions.

Is it bad that I’m relieved Cassa’s mom showed up? I mean, I’m all for the girl’s success, but I didn’t want Frankie to get into too much trouble. And taking a young girl to a bar without her mother’s approval could put her in a world of trouble. Though I’m anxious to read how this (much like Tom’s storyline) comes into play. There are several directions I’m formulating in my head, and I’m curious to see if you resolve Cassa’s relationship with her mother, slip in some girlpower moments ala Frankie’s journey towards self-discovery, or if this really is the last we’ll see of Frankie’s misdeeds when it comes to her Girl Guides troupe members. Either way, I’m excited to read more. :)