Instant messenger, use it or not?

From what Ive gathered from here, its not good to chat it up with a girl you like on instant messenger too much. Is this true? Should I avoid the instant messenger chat? Or can it be of any value? I havent begun the messenger chatting yet.

I used it in the beginning of my relationship, and it really made a lot of things happen for us because we were too nervous to really speak the things we wanted to say. Used correctly, it can be effective.

I used it in the beginning of my relationship, and it really made a lot of things happen for us because we were too nervous to really speak the things we wanted to say. Used correctly, it can be effective.

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agreed. just dont make it your only method of communication, let it be one of many

The first conversations I had with my now girlfriend were over IM. She was a friend of a friend on facebook, and I messaged her, straight up expressing my interest in her. We talked a few times over IM, then I met her when she invited me to go climbing with her and a few of her friends. Due to busyness in life, for the next few months the only interactions we had were through IM - we talked maybe once or twice a month, but conversations were always good. Suddenly we just started talking more, then started hanging out a lot, then suddenly were dating.

So, as far as I'm concerned, IM is a fine way to get to know somebody.

I do remember my SO IMing first. However, he said hello and I think we had a 5 minute IM convo before he asked for my number. I gave it to him and he called me right there and asked me on a date. We talked via IM maybe 3 times after that-all hello's and chit chats but we had already started dating by then.

There's a difference in chatting with someone via IM that you're already dating and chatting once a day (or a few times a day) about nothing to someone you haven't had the guts to ask out yet.

I used it in the beginning of my relationship, and it really made a lot of things happen for us because we were too nervous to really speak the things we wanted to say. Used correctly, it can be effective.

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Agreed.

My s/o and I talked online a lot before we actually started hanging out on a regular basis. And even once we were hanging out, we would facebook each other all the time/talk online instead of calling.

I don't really see what's wrong with it. I can understand if you ONLY talk to them online, but then that's not really building a real relationship, but an online friend.

I REALLY like AIM after we've been dating a bit. You can have conversations that might be uncomfortable in any other setting. It was an indispensable tool in getting to know my last bf who was shy in discussing ideology/religion/ideas etc

I do remember my SO IMing first. However, he said hello and I think we had a 5 minute IM convo before he asked for my number. I gave it to him and he called me right there and asked me on a date. We talked via IM maybe 3 times after that-all hello's and chit chats but we had already started dating by then.

There's a difference in chatting with someone via IM that you're already dating and chatting once a day (or a few times a day) about nothing to someone you haven't had the guts to ask out yet.

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You're oversimplifying. The first time my now g/f and I talked on IM, we talked for 3 hours. A day later, we talked for another 2. As I said, I was very straight forward with her about my interest in her when I messaged her, so it's not that I didn't have the guts, but IM was still the best choice for conversation for many reasons.

1) I was just some random guy that messaged her on facebook. She was interested in talking to me, but first wanted to get a feel for what kind of person I was, and also have time to check with our mutual friend (through whom I found this girl) to make sure I was a good person.

2) We have different phone providers, so we didn't want to burn through minutes.

3) It was casual and convenient. We were both busy during that time and we didn't really have the time to meet up. We probably shouldn't have talked for as long as we did, but conversation flowed very easily. Regardless, we lived (and still do live) 40 minutes away from each other. Meeting up would have taken even more time. It's much simpler to get back to work immediately upon ending an IM conversation.

You're oversimplifying. The first time my now g/f and I talked on IM, we talked for 3 hours. A day later, we talked for another 2. As I said, I was very straight forward with her about my interest in her when I messaged her, so it's not that I didn't have the guts, but IM was still the best choice for conversation for many reasons.

1) I was just some random guy that messaged her on facebook. She was interested in talking to me, but first wanted to get a feel for what kind of person I was, and also have time to check with our mutual friend (through whom I found this girl) to make sure I was a good person.

2) We have different phone providers, so we didn't want to burn through minutes.

3) It was casual and convenient. We were both busy during that time and we didn't really have the time to meet up. We probably shouldn't have talked for as long as we did, but conversation flowed very easily. Regardless, we lived (and still do live) 40 minutes away from each other. Meeting up would have taken even more time. It's much simpler to get back to work immediately upon ending an IM conversation.

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My point was that there are and even have been guys who posted in this forum who said they met a girl and for some reason the first thing they got was her IM name. Once they got it they would IM her every time they were on at the same time and just chit chat, not that chit chat is bad...but after weeks of doing it they never asked the girl out once, just kept going "I don't know if she likes me..."

Obviously talking on IM is pretty commonplace now and that's fine, but there are some people (like the OP) who aren't the greatest at conversing with women so then they turn to the internet. There have been others in the thread who have said IM is great for shy people, and they are right-the internet in general is great for "shy people," but it should in no way be used as a crutch.

If the OP talks to this new girl via IM all the time but never follows her signs of flirting and/or never asks her out than it was a huge waste. Your situation with your gf is obviously different from the TS. You two knew up front how you felt about eahc other and you used IM since it was technically not a short distance relationship.

If the OP talks to this new girl via IM all the time but never follows her signs of flirting and/or never asks her out than it was a huge waste.

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If you feel like she is flirting its time to move it to the next level and ASK HER OUT OR TO DO SOMETHING. anything... coffee, Dinner, A Movie, Drinks (if your of age), and breakfast if the Drinks go really well.