NSFW - Could I have some advice for my first time with gay (homosexual) sex?March 25, 2012 3:34 PMSubscribe

What brand/type of dildo should I use to start experimenting with anal penetration?

My boyfriend and I have been dating for a couple months and want to start experimenting with anal penetration. At first I thought "no sweat, there's probably plenty of stuff online"! And while there's certainly a whole lot of information about this type of thing, I haven't found much in terms of "dildo reviews" (as silly as that sounds). Are there any sure products that won't disappoint for a "beginner"?

He is 6'5 with a relatively large penis while I am pretty scrawny and top in around 5'9 at most. I'm a little scared I might waste money on something I can hurt myself with or that won't feel right.

Besides the advice of lots of lube and practicing with fingers, is there any good "starting dildo" for this type of thing? I've heard silcone-based is the way to go, but are there any brands or specific products that might be best? To be honest, I'm not even sure if butt plugs are the way to go at first (or even what type of lube is best).

I can't speak to dildos, but I am going to weigh in for Pjur Bodyglide lube. It's safe for condoms (and, really, it's general good practice to use condoms on most, if not all, toys), and never gets sticky or tacky. It only takes a few drops to get a good, slick glide. It also lasts for a while.

Check out goodvibes.com, and maybe call their sales people and ask for advice. They're good people, and they have a series of little symbols so you can know at a glance if a particular dildo or lube works for anal stuff.

If you feel up to it and you're in a decent-sized metro area, you can find a local store like the Smitten Kitten and walk in and ask for advice.

There are also plenty of books that help out with this kind of stuff, but the "lots of lube" and "use fingers" things are quite possibly enough to get you started, as long as you add in "go slow". FWIW I never owned a dildo until well after I'd had sex. And fingers aren't just for "practice," they're a part of foreplay too! No matter how experienced you are at bottoming, an over-eager boyfriend can still be painful, and starting things out with fingering is both helpful and hot.

I've used Pjur and was fine with it. We're just about reaching the end of a big-ish pump bottle of good vibrations' house-brand silicon lube. And we've got some other kind of stuff from a local store sitting at home we haven't used yet. In general I'd advocate for silicon-based lubricants.

Tantus makes good silicone toys. I do recommend butt plugs, they have a flange that keeps it from "disappearing". Thick, gel-like lube is best - think consistency of hair gel (KY is fine, I like Maximus too.) Don't get silicone based lube, water based only. Use condoms if you're going to share them with anyone, OR boil in between uses. (yes you can boil silicone). Don't store silicone toys together (keep in separate ziplocs, there's some sort of chemical breakdown if they're kept together). This is probably a good starter plug if you're comfortable with a couple of fingers. Here's a good starter dildo.

Anal penetration is 90% psychological unless you have medical/anatomical issues. You need to relax and train the brain into thinking nothing is wrong. Deep breaths. I personally picture a circle expanding outwards. Go slooowwww... pull it out gently and slowly if it's uncomfortable. You should NOT feel sharp pain. Pay attention to the angle - your rectum makes a pronounced turn towards your spine (drawing), and if you keep shoving it towards your abdomen you're going to be in pain.

The height difference between you two shouldn't be a problem, I mean hetero couples deal with varying heights all the time. Experiment with positions without him actually penetrating you. At first it's probably best if you're on top so you can control the depth and speed. He can also wear the dildo in a harness until you're ready for his cock. Note that a cock feels very different from a dildo (in a much better way!) because it conforms to your shape. So the dildo is good prep, but just remember that it will be easier when you have the real thing inside you.posted by desjardins at 4:04 PM on March 25, 2012 [2 favorites]

I'd recommend starting with silicone butt plugs. Here's a fun plug in a few sizes that will help with getting comfortable with stretching things. Start with a small plug, just to get comfortable. Once you get loosened up, dildos (and anal sex) will be a lot more fun.

I'd definitely recommend silicone toys as they are very easy to clean and won't irritate your insides. Other toys can use vinyl or other compounds that you really don't want in contact with the delicate mucous membranes inside you.

Use a water-based lube like Boy Butter — don't use oil or silicone lubes with silicone toys, as they act as solvents and will damage the toy.

And if you're feeling naughty, some plugs are comfortable enough to be worn during the day. It can be... interesting. And it will help loosen you up a bit, if you're getting ready for a night out, or facilitate the odd quickie.

I forgot to mention that the plug might slip out by itself. In that case, you can wear a harness* or fashion a crotch rope to ensure that it stays in. i agree with keeping it in for awhile, it will help you get used to it.

*depending on your kinkiness level, you can get a locking harness so you're "trapped" until your partner gives you the key.posted by desjardins at 4:33 PM on March 25, 2012

Here is another plug that I would recommend. A bit pricier, but steel is even easier to clean than silicone, you can use pretty much any lube you want, and you don't need as much lube.

They feel great — and they look like works of art, when not in use. ;) Because they are steel, they can be chilled or heated before use, which adds another dimension of sensation.

Tantus makes a good line to work up to full-size penetration. It's called silk, and they come in small, medium, and large. They are reasonably priced, and high-quality (100% silicone). Suggestion: Use them with a condom, makes cleanup easier.

I use Toy Fluid lube by Fun Factory. Most water-based lubes should be fine.posted by zug at 8:58 PM on March 25, 2012 [1 favorite]

Hello! Friendly local sex toy sales person here!

I came to shout out for Tantus and I've been beaten to it. They make excellent plugs and probes of all types. For a prelude to intercourse, the Charmer is a favourite. It's narrow, but broader than a finger, it curves nicely to the shape of the bowels during use and it's long enough to serve as a warm up. I don't know what it is about the combo of that shape and material, but the Charmer is a real treat for anal foreplay. These are theSilks mentioned up thread, and they're not a bad shape either. All Tantus toys (and most silicones for that matter) can be sterilized using a 10% bleach solution, or they can be boiled.

Silicone really is something to go lube crazy on. It's fairly "grippy" so the more the better. The Boy Butter H20 that Blazecock mentions upthread has received very good feedback from a lot of my anal loving regulars over the years. Swiss Navy for some reason is also stupidly popular with the queer boys at work too, though I'm not a fan of it personally due to the presence of glycerin.

Somewhat counter intuitively, glass toys are pretty good too because they are super smooth and require only a little lubrication. A small glass probe like the Sinclair Onyx will facilitate penetration with less effort than a grippier toy, and it comes curved for a comfier fit. It'll get to the prostate too if you have one. The Icicles No 2 is another good one for anal warm up - the beads very gradually increase in size so you can work up to your boyfriend's penis. They're also stupid easy to clean, boil, bleach or dishwasher, whatever works for you.

The trick with anal is all relaxation and patience. Depending on the nature of your play, getting an orgasm off before penetration itself can be a great help in relaxing your pelvic floor. Ease things and take your time, and there are going to be days when your anus just doesn't want to play.

Lastly, my go-to for toy reviews is The Pleasurist, which aggregates user reviews. Very little by way of bias with the reviews there, they tend towards fairly honest appraisal and I've found them very helpful.

Tags

Share

About Ask MetaFilter

Ask MetaFilter is a question and answer site that covers nearly any question on earth, where members help each other solve problems. Ask MetaFilter is where thousands of life's little questions are answered.