I tried to stop Merlane from crying but i could not.
"Merlane, I thought I killed you and I could not live with myself for killing someone so I understand why I did what I did."I said sobbing myself.
"No....No.......this is all wrong........what the hell am i supposed to do now?"She said but I had a lot of trouble understanding why.
"Don't you see Sally, I am still here on Earth as a ghost for a reason. That reason was to tell you that this all was not your fault. God told me to tell you that this was not your fault that you are not to blame. But stupid you had to ruin everything and now I do not know what I am supposed to do."
I was speechless. I doomed Merlane twice. Twice. The first time I killed her and the second time I killed myself. Instead of talking I was looking around. It was still the funeral. I saw Lindsey in the corner. I could not imagine all depression she went through. Lindsey and I were pretty close. She was one of my best friends. I walked to her. She had her head down. She always thought that funerals were depressing. I could not imagine how she feels at mine. I was close to her now. I could tell she had been crying for days. As I was inches away from her as she lifted her head and gasped. She saw me! Then she got up. I gave her space. It was like she was looking through me. She walked toward me and I held out my arms to hug her and as she got to me she walked right through me! Right fucking through me! I was shocked as i turned around and saw who she was actually looking at.
It was Kyle. He was a wreck. He was so perfect before. Not long but not short brown hair parted to the right side,water blue eyes that you wanted to swim in , a perfect smile and the tan body that every guy wanted. Every girl liked him. But he was my best friend and I was his and I loved him and he never knew. Until the last day. I was still not quite sure what happened but he was a complete wreck. His short-long brown was now a wreck and in every direction possible, his water blue eyes not had black under them from the lack of sleep, he was still tan but losing tone. I can tell that he just did not care anymore.
Lindsey and Kyle was crying and hugging. Not talking not moving, just crying and hugging. It made me jealous looking but more depressed for making them go through that.
Finally they let go and started talking. Lindsey went first.
She said "After......... Merlane spent hours in the hospital........ and the day that she......... was home were no...... different....... She would....... not talk. I called her 20 times. ......but no answer. I knew that she was .....home in her room crying and I knew she needed help...... and I thought that...... I could talk to her but she did not.. ........talk to me." Lindsey could barley make out the words.
Kyle took a while before he could tell lindsey what happened.And I was insterested too. He took her by the arm out of the room and brought her to another one where no one was there. He cried a little before he spoke and when he finally could he talked. I have never seen him like this before.
"I visited her in the hospital and she told me that it was her fault. I told her that it was not. Then that night when she was home she called me and told me that she needed me. And needed me badly. She said she messed up bad and no one can fix what she felt. I did not expect to see her at school the next day but I did. She told me not to be depressed and not to morn over her. At first I thought she was talking about Merlane but then it clicked. She told me she loved me and always had. And then we made out. I told her let's get out of here. Get out of school. Get out of town. To run away with me. She kissed me again and whispered not to miss her and that she does not derserve that much. She kissed me again. I wanted to hold on forever. But she ran away. I chased after her and she went in the girls bathroom and locked the door. I got to a teacher that was close and told her. I was screaming I loved her and not to do it. I thought.......I..... could......stop......her...... but when we got in it was too late. I held her dead.....body....in my arms until the police came to get me off. I would not let her go. I did not want to let her go.......I could not sleep. All night I thought about her. Her face. Her smile. Her lips. I loved her......"
He broke down and got to the floor and curled in a ball and cried. Lindsey held him and held him. Merlane was right. I am so stupid. I am crying now because I do not know what else to do. Because I hurt him and I loved him and I missed him and I wanted to hold him. And I know I can not.