The Bachelor's Clare Speaks: The Truth About Juan Pablo

Runner-up Clare Crawley spills on the most frustrating moments with The Worst Bachelor Ever.

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I was always that girl who, if a man was like I dont want a relationship, I was the one who would be like, Its cool, call me. I wanted to be nice and not jaded by the guy being a jerk, and with [Juan Pablo] I was finally like, Its not cool. I dont know where it came from in me.

[On the show] people see two minutes of a two hour conversation. Did I say all that stuff? Yeah. But in my perspective, saying how I feel and being honest, thats all I could do. The editing didnt portray me accurately, I feel. During the show I was never jealous or insecure around the other girls. I love all of them. We never had problems. Even Nikki and I got along most of the time. I wish they showed more of the real me instead of [cutaways] of me looking jealous. Thats not how I came into this, and its not who I am.

Id never watched [The Bachelor franchise] before. I dont watch much TV. What I had known about [Juan Pablo] going into it was that he was my age, a father of a daughter  a good father and family oriented person, all qualities that I value.

I think [laughs] there were the parts of Juan Pablo that I fell for, but seeing how he was with the other women and how he talked to them and treated them  and now, watching it all played back  I dont think hes the man I thought he was. I had a different impression of him before, and even during this, but in retrospect, hes his own person. Is he someone Id choose as a partner? As a husband? No.

We spent a lot of time together, it happened so long ago that it all blurs together. Its hard to say because when youre in a situation, and everything in the world is out of your comfort zone, everything you think about is him, all you focus on is him. Its so easy to be distracted by the hope youve found the right person. I hadnt seen him with other women, or even thought about it. I definitely felt, at the end, like he was either an amazing man or he was SUCH a jerk. And I couldnt decide. After the talk we had on my last night in St. Lucia, I knew that Im not a person who gives up on somebody. Even if it means giving it 100 percent, I just know I put everything I can into it.

What happened in Vietnam was that first little red flag of, Whoa, its not as perfect as I was thinking it was. Because when we were in Vietnam and swimming [Ed. note: speculated hookup], there wasnt a second he gave any impression he was uncomfortable or didnt like it. So I was completely caught off guard. Its hard when you think youre on the same page and something knocks the wind out of your sails like that.

It was very vindicating to see people hate him [now]. Because I know what kind of person I am what I brought to the table. But I dont think people really know who I am, so it just kicks me in the stomach, how it ended up. To be honest, I was embarrassed. How he talked to me, and how I allowed him to get away with him talking to me like that. I have nieces, and friends who have kids, and I was embarrassed [watching it]. Thinking, God, this is how the world sees me being portrayed, and being treated. At the very end, when the world finally saw the kind of man he is, and how he treated [us], it was, "OK, so Im not crazy for feeling the way I feel and feeling hurt by all this." And it wasnt even a sense of bitterness or, like, pouting because I didnt get picked. I didnt feel the need to talk to him [during After The Rose Ceremony.] If it was any other man, I gladly would have congratulated or high-fived him. Im a person who totally believes in love. I love love. Any other man, I would have been OK with being up there with him. But the second I left St. Lucia, it was total closure at that moment.

I dont have an opinion on Juan Pablo and Nikki. It has nothing to do with me. I just care about peoples happiness. I just want people to be positive and be in love. If thats what they have, more power to them.

Im very happy now. I have definitely moved on, and the beauty of it all is I dont know whats next. Ive learned a lot and I went through a lot. I grew as a woman. I feel like after going through this, it can only get better.