Keep looking at the bright side, but that just hurts my eyes

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I think that’s a northernism, I mean “What’s going on?” or “How’s it going?” by my title for those that wondered if I’d gone mental. Anyway, that’s cleared up. So, what’s the crack Callum?

Well after a wasteful, pretty relevant to the whole “melancholy contemplation” worthy day of nothingness I dragged my arse out of bed and decided to at least make productive steps.

I’ve got a job interview on Monday, I was approached by a company I applied at over summer and they kept me on file. Pretty sweet huh? All I really know is that the company is a marketing and PR firm, a pretty decent one at that. The job description is so far vague, but it’s a good sign that I was contacted and the job isn’t officially listed anywhere for new applications. I really hope this is the foot in the door that I need, it could be a total flop. Fingers crossed?

Gonna get myself a much shorter haircut that I’ve been complimented on many a time when I had it. Hard to argue with someone that I have a biased opinion of. I look good enough to be hired in a suit, Northern charm is totally a thing..honest.

Other than that, I’ve realised (Yeah it won’t sound like much to a lot of people) but I’m actually currently classed as part of the top 5% of all of Europe in League of Legends and still rising the ranked queue. This is all while playing on a laptop that barely even runs the game. The nerdy part of me wants to quote Jax from the game and say “Imagine if I had a real weapon”. Wow, yeah that happened. But it gives me a little self confidence that I AM good at what I invest time into, it’s not wasted and I’m quite at home where I am there.

So as a result of that I’m back on to writing articles and really putting effort into them. I’ve got new thoughts on certain aspects of the game that nobody seems to have picked up on so I need to go and get my content out there in an entertaining way that should be well received. I’m excited.

So yeah, not a lot is going on. But for a days worth there I feel as though there has been some degree of accomplishment and positivity. Granted this cloud is still hanging over me, but I almost caught a glimpse of the sunlight today.

I normally game quite a lot, it’s kinda my outlet and I put a lot of time into it. I really enjoy it, I’d love nothing more than to have a job within E-Sports. I write frequent blogs about League of Legends over for Team Dignitas. (My second blog post has been approved and will go live any day now, I’m really excited about it)

The last week I’ve probably not spent over an hour playing games, I’ve watched a few professional games (I do my homework for blog posts and ideas, I like to stay upto date. Yeah I’m nerdy and passionate about it). I’ve been quite focused on finding a job, pretty much any job I suppose. Just my first little stepping stone of my life. I’m really distracted though. Relationship stuff will always take my focus even if there’s just a tiny shine of something in the vast dark night sky of my thoughts.

People that I spent my last three years with are graduating. I’m taking this as my hint to leave social media alone to avoid depression from taking over. I’m more disappointed at myself for how I didn’t graduate. Yet I’m proud of myself for taking things into my own hands and getting out of a miserable, dark place that I had gotten myself into.

The main reason that I’m sad about my position right now is because I’ve left everyone except my family that has been such a huge part of my life over the last three years. I’ll be visiting as much as I physically can, but if I’m working then it’ll only be odd weekends. That’s heartbreaking for me.

When I get to visit my old friends, I’m going to be so torn. There’ll be so much that I miss, so much to catch up on. Not enough time. More importantly, there’s one girl that I want to steal away for myself. It’s actually only her attention that I want. I hate myself for making a huge decision to seek happiness elsewhere. I take it back, I hate the timing of things and what could have been. If things are meant to work, it won’t be easy. I’ve never been in the position of a long distance relationship. Totally scary, but I’ll do anything, ANYTHING for this girl. I’d be blogging about anything else that’s on my mind if there was anything else in my mind to share.

I just can’t wait to see her when I get off of the coach or train and see her beautiful face waiting to see me. I just can’t wait for that moment. From there, lets just see how things go.

I haven’t made much clear about aspirations that I have in my own life, beyond relationships and happiness. So here’s an insight and a little update.

I’ve always been a nerd, and I pride myself in how good I am at gaming. I tend to take a game I like and play it to extremes, I’m really competitive, I always will be. My most recent (I get the feeling this one will stick) over the last few years has been League of Legends. Now I’m at a point in my life where I don’t just want this to be a hobby, I want to work in E-Sports and be a part of something that I love. Much easier said than done, right?

I applied to Riot Games who have an office over in this side of the world in Dublin, though they’ll receive so many that I’m a goldfish that is out at sea to these guys. I’m working on making myself stand out and in a dream world that I want to make a reality: I want to work with and around people that share my passion for something.

You’ll probably have noticed if you’re reading this that I love writing, and it comes quite naturally to me, it always has. Even if I still don’t think I do it enough. I’m trying to get my foot in the door so to speak and get something physical to show for my passion and knowledge of the game that I play which can be applied to a workplace.

I started off writing blog pieces as a little hobby for my best friend that runs a general gaming review website. I had a lot of fun writing weekly articles and got more hits than he had expected, but no real exposure can come when there is a lot more readily available content online for people, so they don’t need to search for it. (Reddit and well known forums are used so much) After a while I found it quite demotivating to get very little feedback or views on this, and it wasn’t much to show for so I slowed down on posting content and found motivation difficult with it.

Though I didn’t expect it to come to anything, I sent out an email to a big, well known company within League of Legends and other E-Sports communities, Team Dignitas. Within a few hours I got a response, a day on after a small chat to the manager, I’ve got myself a trial period writing articles for their site.

I’m stupidly happy about it, and it gives me huge motivation. It feels like a baby step, most people won’t class it as a forward step, even. But it could be the first step for me in my bigger picture. I’d love to be a part of journalism for E-Sports and League of Legends is the largest game in the world right now, it’s only going to grow larger in the next years.

It’s a voluntary, unpaid role. Though you get merchandise perks, which is kinda nice. It’s something I can keep chipping away at, my blog posts will be tweeted out to almost 50,000 followers and I’ll get a little exposure.I’m excited. For now it’s a hobby, but who knows. I just need to be noticed. You know what, I want to look back at this and say this is where it all started. I’m going to make it happen.