Archive for February 2011

I’m not surprised in the least the scale said 164 pounds this week. That’s .06 pounds. Point. Zero. Six. Explanation? I went on a bar crawl Friday night and drank way too much… or was roofied, one of the two. I’ll go with I was over-served by the wait staff of the five bars I went to. Anyway, I ended my night by stumbling home, but my intoxicated brain needed to stop at convenience store for munchies before I got there. Let’s just say I puked an entire bag of beef Jerky and found some Pizza Combos in the bottom of my purse the next morning. I didn’t get out of bed all day Saturday. Believe me, I’m not proud of myself. I woke up Sunday feeling like I’d been given a second chance from God and made the most of the day by going for a five mile run and cooking a delicious Salmon dinner.

I was ready to really kill it this week but then ran into a tiny obstacle: Monday was Valentine’s Day. My coworkers and I handed out Valentines and candy… All of which I consumed by noon. I felt sick to my stomach and had a serious sugar head ache but just kept shoving it in. I capped off the evening by going to Five Guys and shopping for hamsters. Saddest thing you’ve ever heard? Me too. The only reason I didn’t buy a hamster is because I knew I’d never score with a guy ever again if I had a hamster cage in my apartment.

Anyway, drinking and holidays seem to be my weaknesses. I’m going to try and take a break from the booze for awhile but we’ll see how that goes.

In other news, I’m getting a new tattoo tomorrow. You’ll all just have to wait and see what it is.

How sad is it that one of the few things that excites me Monday morning is the new cafeteria menu posted for the week?

Anyway, I apologize for not posting on Friday. I had writer’s block and was feeling a bit frustrated with life… and the size of my ass. The scale said 164.6 on Friday morning, which is a loss of 2.4 pounds, but still seems like small beans compared to the 6 I gained the previous week.

I ate fairly healthy all week and took a break from the booze for the weekend. I would have been a lot prouder of myself had I not gone ape shit for the food spread at the Superbowl party I went to. I barely watched the game because I was too busy eating my weight in hot wings and sampling all the dips about 20 times.

Just a short post this week. I’ll be talking about this past weekend’s festivities and Valentine’s day on Friday’s post. Get excited.

I think the best comparison I can give to what happened this week is a drug addict relapsing. Instead of snorting and shooting up everything in sight, I ate as much as possible until I slipped into a food induced coma. Unlike drugs, you can’t quit food cold turkey (mmm turkey), so everything I eat is a gateway drug to candy and cheese.

I kicked off with an epic weekend of binge drinking… Which meant umpteen vodka sodas and feasting on pizza at 2 am. This was followed by a breakfast buffet of all-you-can-eat pancakes and scrambled eggs. I fit in a 5 mile run on Sunday so I didn’t feel too bad and told myself I’d make up for it during the week.

My uncle was in town for a conference so I skipped the gym after work Monday-Wednesday. For a normal person, this would be fine. For me, one little change in my usual schedule sends me into a tailspin. I was about one day away from waking up face down in a gutter with a pork chop hanging out of my mouth.

So a month worth of work was officially down the drain when I weighed in this morning: 167.4. It takes a lot of calories to gain 6 pounds in one week. I’m really hoping a lot of that is water retention from all the salt. This is it. Rock bottom. Back to square one. Help me, Jebus!

Time to kill it this week and make up some ground. I’m not posting any “after” pictures. What the hell would be the point?

Time for shout out to my uncle: He owns Dr. Kracker which is a delicious and healthy cracker. They’re low calorie (around 100 calories) full of protein and a great source of fiber. They’re made with a blend of nature’s best whole grains and seeds, mixed carefully into a yeast-raised dough and artisan-baked to perfection. You can find them at Whole Foods and other locations: