Three Ways to Give Thanks this Hanukkah

Hanukkah is a special time for us to say thank You for all the little and big miracles in our lives.

I was sitting in a taxi on my way to Jerusalem. The traffic was growing slower, and I began to worry that I would be late for my clients. It was my first year working as a family therapist, and I had begged my supervisor not to assign me any Hebrew speaking clients. My Hebrew was decent but definitely not good enough to understand the necessary emotional nuances in therapy sessions. The couple that I was about to meet was the one exception on my English-speaking client list, and I was really struggling with them. Every time I met with them they would begin fighting in rapid Hebrew as soon as they sat down. I couldn’t understand a word they were saying.

My cell phone rang as the taxi inched its way forward on the road. It was my supervisor. “Can you please just assign them to another therapist who can actually understand what they’re saying?” I pleaded with her.

“You can do it. Your Hebrew is good enough. You just need to be a little more confident. Don’t give up so easily.” Her voice sounded a million miles away as I glanced anxiously out the window and hung up the phone.

The taxi driver looked at me in his rearview mirror. “Giveret, what’s wrong? Did you forget to say thank You to God today?”

I stared at his bare head and glittering Chai necklace. What was he talking about?

“Do you think that today is just another day? Do you think He made these beautiful mountains with this sun setting into them for you to look out the window and frown at the wonders of the Creator? What happened?”

We were always fighting. Because we didn’t know how to say thank you. Not to God. Not to each other.

At first I was so surprised, I couldn’t speak. But then I decided to tell him in my halting Hebrew about my clients.

“I had a marriage like that too. We were always fighting. I can’t even remember what we used to fight about. But always fighting. And Giveret, I will tell you why. Because we didn’t know how to say thank you. Not to God. Not to each other. I’m divorced three years now, but it didn’t have to be this way.”

I didn’t know what to say. “I’m sorry,” I finally answered.

This seemed to be the wrong response because the driver began yelling. “No Giveret, don’t be sorry! It doesn’t help to be sorry. Help them. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and help them. Here take this.”

The driver turned around and gave me a tiny blue key chain that had the words “Thank You” written on it in Hebrew.

“I can’t take this,” I said, trying to give it back to him.

“Take it! Give it to them.”

“No, you don’t understand. A therapist can’t give gifts to her clients. It doesn’t work that way.”

But he waved his hand in protest as we pulled up to the office building. “Remember what I said, Giveret. The Creator doesn’t make mistakes. Don’t forget. Today is not just another day.”

Hesitantly, I slipped the keychain into my pocket and braced myself for the coming session.

As soon as the couple sat down, they started to argue. I wasn’t even sure that they knew that I was there. After a few minutes, I finally spoke up.

“I don’t understand a word you guys are saying.”

The husband stopped yelling in mid-sentence as they turned to face me.

“Which part didn’t you understand?” the wife asked.

“All of it. Since you walked into the office. I don’t even know what you’re arguing about.”

They stared at me in silence. I was so embarrassed. The room began to feel like it was closing in on me. Maybe I should have kept quiet.

“Have you tried thanking each other for the little things?” I stammered in my American- accented Hebrew. The husband erupted.

“That’s the stupidest thing I ever heard. Now I believe you. You haven’t heard anything we said. Our problems aren’t going to go away from thanking each other! Besides what do I have to thank her for?”

I wanted to sink into my chair, but then the wife looked at her husband with a half -smile. “Hold on, maybe there is something here. It’s true we don’t say thank you. Maybe we can try.”

I pulled out the key chain from the cab driver. The husband reached for it and cradled the tiny blue letters in his hand. “Thank you,” he read out loud, and for the first time he smiled, putting the keychain inside his pocket.

Sometimes I wonder where that tiny keychain is today. And I often think about the cab driver’s words. Today is not just another day. Say thank You. This sky. This sun. This gift of gratitude. It was made just for you.

Hanukkah & Giving Thanks

Hanukkah is a special time for us to say thank You for all the little and big miracles in our lives. When we look into the beautiful, pure flames of the candles we remember that no day is just another day. There are blessings around all of us every moment, just waiting for us to notice them.

This year during Hanukkah, consider the following three ways to say thank you. (And not only on Thanksgiving.)

1. Write a letter.

In a recent experiment, people were asked to write a short paragraph about someone who had transformed their lives. After they wrote the paragraph, the experimenter handed them a phone and told them to call the person that they just wrote about and read them what they had just written. Some of them didn’t know the number. Some people went to cemeteries to read their letter at the gravesite of the person they hoped could hear their appreciation. Others reached the person they wrote about and broke down crying as they read their words out loud.

Across the board, the participants’ happiness levels rose by as much as 20 percent just from this exercise. So try writing a short Hanukkah card or email to someone that changed your life. It’s best if you send it, but even just writing it reminds us how blessed we are to have inspiring people in our lives.

2. Keep a gratitude journal.

On each day of Hanukkah, write down three new things that you are grateful for each day. This trains our brains to search for the positive in our lives. After a month of keeping a gratitude journal, people begin to think more optimistically and clearly. They stop constantly scanning the environment for the negative, and they notice others’ strengths instead of their weaknesses. The half hour after lighting the candles is a special time for thinking about the new blessings of today. Share them with your family as you sit around the menorah. We look into the flames shining with hope, and we remember our own ability to turn darkness into light.

3. Act gratefully.

Do one small act of kindness each day of Hanukkah. Open a door for someone. Leave a note somewhere that will make someone smile. Pay for the person’s coffee who is behind you in line. Take a coat you never wear and give it to someone on the street. Give an anonymous donation. Smile. Send a Hanukkah gift to someone who needs it. These small actions increase our own feelings of gratitude and create a chain of kindness.

And like the tiny, blue keychain, we never know how far our gratitude will go. Take this gift and pass it on.

Featured at Aish.com:

About the Author

Sara Debbie Gutfreund received her BA in English from the University of Pennsylvania and her MA in Family Therapy from the University of North Texas. She has taught parenting classes and self-development seminars and provided adolescent counseling. She writes extensively for many online publications and in published anthologies of Jewish women's writing. She and her husband spent 14 wonderful years raising their five children in Israel, and now live in Blue Ridge Estates in Waterbury, Connecticut, where Sara Debbie enjoys skiing and running in her free time.

Visitor Comments: 9

(8)
Sherrie,
November 29, 2014 6:30 PM

I cried!

Whenever I get fussy and irritated with everything going on around me it is 99% of the time due neglect of being grateful to God and others...as soon as I begin to offer up praises of thanksgiving my whole attitude changes and then evrything around me begins to change for better... Thanks for this timely article<3

(7)
Avraham,
November 29, 2013 11:42 AM

Don't expect gratitude for gratitude!

Excellent article. But remember not to EXPECT gratitude for gratitude. Say thank you and leave it at that. Sometimes it takes time to be absorbed. Sometimes the return takes time.

Diana Wright,
December 24, 2013 7:15 PM

Great

Great advice. The problem is patience. When we do good and no one seem to be doing anything for us we become impatient. We simply must learn to wait for our Blessings. Love for ourselves and Forgiveness also goes well with gratitude. Let us celebrate I LOVE ME DAY April 30 2014. Happy Holidays with Love Happiness Success and Much Blessings for 2014.

(6)
Leah Blumenfeld,
November 26, 2013 6:16 PM

Thank You

We take too much for granted in today's world.

Thank you for reminding us what is really important.

(5)
Oded son of Dumah haLemba,
November 26, 2013 2:03 PM

Yofi!

Yofi! I will try out the exercises!!

(4)
Mary,
November 25, 2013 11:51 PM

Gratitude

Excellent article. One needs to be reminded that gratitude is a way of life not an occasional occurance. His sugestions on how to remain thankful are really good and ones that one can easily apply to their lives. Eachday one should thank G-d for all od his blessings.

(3)
NC,
November 25, 2013 8:18 PM

Beautiful and inspiring article. Thank you so much for this

(2)
Heidi T.,
November 25, 2013 7:05 PM

Beautiful!

This was beautiful! One of the things I'm most grateful for this Hanukkah - although it's not new - is Aish HaTorah articles. :-)

I live in rural Montana where the Cholov Yisrael milk is difficult to obtain and very expensive. So I drink regular milk. What is your view on this?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Jewish law requires that there be rabbinic supervision during the milking process to ensure that the milk comes from a kosher animal. In the United States, many people rely on the Department of Agriculture's regulations and controls as sufficiently stringent to fulfill the rabbinic requirement for supervision.

Most of the major Kashrut organizations in the United States rely on this as well. You will therefore find many kosher products in America certified with a 'D' next to the kosher symbol. Such products – unless otherwise specified on the label – are not Cholov Yisrael and are assumed kosher based on the DOA's guarantee.

There are many, however, do not rely on this, and will eat only dairy products that are designated as Cholov Yisrael (literally, "Jewish milk"). This is particularly true in large Jewish communities, where Cholov Yisrael is widely available.

Rabbi Moshe Feinstein wrote that under limited conditions, such as an institution which consumes a lot of milk and Cholov Yisrael is generally unavailable or especially expensive, American milk is acceptable, as the government supervision is adequate to prevent non-kosher ingredients from being added.

It should be added that the above only applies to milk itself, which is marketed as pure cow's milk. All other dairy products, such as cheeses and butter, may contain non-kosher ingredients and always require kosher certification. In addition, Rabbi Feinstein's ruling applies only in the United States, where government regulations are considered reliable. In other parts of the world, including Europe, Cholov Yisrael is a requirement.

There are additional esoteric reasons for being stringent regarding Cholov Yisrael, and because of this it is generally advisable to consume only Cholov Yisroel dairy foods.

In 1889, 800 Jews arrived in Buenos Aires, marking the birth of the modern Jewish community in Argentina. These immigrants were fleeing poverty and pogroms in Russia, and moved to Argentina because of its open door policy of immigration. By 1920, more than 150,000 Jews were living in Argentina. Juan Peron's rise to power in 1946 was an ominous sign, as he was a Nazi sympathizer with fascist leanings. Peron halted Jewish immigration to Argentina, introduced mandatory Catholic religious instruction in public schools, and allowed Argentina to become a haven for fleeing Nazis. (In 1960, Israeli agents abducted Adolf Eichmann from a Buenos Aires suburb.) Today, Argentina has the largest Jewish community in Latin America with 250,000, though terror attacks have prompted many young people to emigrate. In 1992, the Israeli Embassy in Buenos Aires was bombed, killing 32 people. In 1994, the Jewish community headquarters in Buenos Aires was bombed, killing 85 people. The perpetrators have never been apprehended.

Be aware of what situations and behaviors give you pleasure. When you feel excessively sad and cannot change your attitude, make a conscious effort to take some action that might alleviate your sadness.

If you anticipate feeling sad, prepare a list of things that might make you feel better. It could be talking to a specific enthusiastic individual, running, taking a walk in a quiet area, looking at pictures of family, listening to music, or reading inspiring words.

While our attitude is a major factor in sadness, lack of positive external situations and events play an important role in how we feel.

[If a criminal has been executed by hanging] his body may not remain suspended overnight ... because it is an insult to God (Deuteronomy 21:23).

Rashi explains that since man was created in the image of God, anything that disparages man is disparaging God as well.

Chilul Hashem, bringing disgrace to the Divine Name, is one of the greatest sins in the Torah. The opposite of chilul Hashem is kiddush Hashem, sanctifying the Divine Name. While this topic has several dimensions to it, there is a living kiddush Hashem which occurs when a Jew behaves in a manner that merits the respect and admiration of other people, who thereby respect the Torah of Israel.

What is chilul Hashem? One Talmudic author stated, "It is when I buy meat from the butcher and delay paying him" (Yoma 86a). To cause someone to say that a Torah scholar is anything less than scrupulous in meeting his obligations is to cause people to lose respect for the Torah.

Suppose someone offers us a business deal of questionable legality. Is the personal gain worth the possible dishonor that we bring not only upon ourselves, but on our nation? If our personal reputation is ours to handle in whatever way we please, shouldn't we handle the reputation of our nation and the God we represent with maximum care?

Jews have given so much, even their lives, for kiddush Hashem. Can we not forego a few dollars to avoid chilul Hashem?

Today I shall...

be scrupulous in all my transactions and relationships to avoid the possibility of bringing dishonor to my God and people.

With stories and insights,
Rabbi Twerski's new book Twerski on Machzor makes Rosh Hashanah prayers more meaningful. Click here to order...