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Hungry? Eat these eyeballs

Zoe Williams comes up with a significantly better electoral campaigning strategy for the Tories than the current one.

Interestingly, her criticisms really aren’t that different from those voiced by right-wingers – and while she’s entirely taking the piss, she’s also right. Limp attempts to portray Tony Blair’s government as failing to deliver aren’t going to work, because the government hasn’t really failed to deliver.

The reasons Labour has lost popularity have everything to do with loss of trust in the government and in Mr Blair, and not very much to do with the noticeable improvements in the NHS, the railways, the crime rate and the education system (with the Iraq debacle a symptom, not a cause, of the distrust).

As a result, the parties that are gaining ground are mostly the “if you vote for me at least it’ll piss off all those Westminster tossers” crowd, whether Gallowayites, swivel-eyed loons, or fascists. Few BNP or UKIP supporters genuinely believe in those parties’ aims [1], but they think that Labour and the Tories are cynical, unprincipled liars [2].

In this context, “vote for us because while we won’t actually change anything, at least we’re not that sanctimonious grinning twat” is probably the most compelling slogan on offer.

[1] Exception: some UKIP supporters are probably stupid enough to believe the claim we could easily move from the EU to the EEA, and that within the EEA we would be able to avoid applying EU standards to almost everything we do.

[2] It’s slightly amusing in this context that the leaders of the minority parties are far more cynical, unprincipled and deceitful than any of the big three.