Who the hell is Christian Eyenga?

The sad truth is, once David Stern butchered the name of the Cavs first rounder, I grabbed my cell phone and my computer. Neither device could immediately satisfy my Christian Eyenga curiosity.

So I made some calls, checked all the prospect sites (because ours admittedly didn’t foresee Danny Ferry’s genius), and here are Freaknick’s Five Fun Facts, Christian Eyenga style:

1. I spoke to a Euroleague source who says he recognized some of the clips that ESPN showed after Cleveland took him with the 30th pick. “I was at some of those games,” he told me. “And I don’t remember Christian Eyenga.” Hmmm.

2. Christian hails from the Democratic Republic of Congo. Did you know that the DRC is the largest French-speaking nation in the world, with 66 million folks? Take THATCeline Dion.

3. There are only two other Congolese players in the NBA: 1) 4-time Defensive POY Dikembe Mutombo and 2) NBA Champion and Laker legend, DJ Mbenga. While these two are known mostly for their defense, however, Eyenga is an offensive dynamo, averaging an astonishing 0.8 PPG in 4 games for DKV Joventut of the ACB League.

4. After extensive Googling and YouTubing, I couldn’t find that LeBron post-game interview I was looking for. Remember? After they lost to the Magic? When he said, “The only way we’re going to take our team to the next level is if we draft a virtual unknown Congolese player who averages under one point per game and probably won’t suit up in an NBA uniform until I’m a Knick.”

5. If you YouTube Christian Eyenga, the first video that comes up is the inspiring tale of two hippies who raise a lion cub named Christian. Frankly, it was the more entertaining of the two videos below.