An insightful look into the mind of an over-analytical big-city woman.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Read the Signs: He's Just Not That Into You (Me)

After a lack luster second date, I was sure that I would still give Mr. IE a chance. After all, Chicago is not here to comfort me and I don’t have a ring on my finger so why not. I never really boasted to my friends about Mr. IE because we hadn’t found our spark yet, as if it’s something I should be searching for. Nonetheless, I figured since he was still showing some interest I would keep him around for the fun of it. Well I don’t think Mr. IE has the same intentions.

I’m good at reading signs, and although it doesn’t happen too frequently, I know when a guy is not really feeling me. I must say my ego was bruised a tad bit when I came to the realization that he wasn’t feeling me as much as I wasn’t feeling him. I am an adult, and I can admit that not everyone is meant to be. It has been my history that men are usually feeling me slightly more than I am into them. Dating for me has just worked out that way, but with Mr. IE this hasn’t been the case.

I refuse to be the girl that comes up with a million reasons as to why I haven’t heard from him in the past few days. I won’t make myself believe he got back together with his ex, who he was planning on proposing to. Or that he was turned off by the fact that I take things very slow when it comes to both a physical or emotional connection. I will just say that I wasn’t a fit for him.

I know that if I decided to have a girls focus group about this dilemma, my friends would come up with a million reasons as to why he hasn’t called. Friends create, analyze, and reinforce the excuses and reasons that women come up with because it could just as easily be them with this dating dilemma. Everyone would identify with the victim, so to speak, and hope that when they are in these same shoes, their friends could also think of reasons that he has not called.

The bottom line is that men are not complicated and there are no mixed messages in this situation. If he doesn't ask you out, call you soon after a date, or want to come inside with you after a date (although I have never in 2009), then he's just not that into you.

Ladies it’s times like this when we count our losses and move on. This is a new year, don’t repeat the same mistakes. The definition of insanity is repeating the same action and expecting a different outcome. If you are on your hands and knees with a magnifying glass looking for a needle in a haystack as to why he stopped pursuing you, you're wasting your time. It just didn't click, which happens.

1 comment:

it is about time we acknowledge that he's not into us. we spend hours trying to overanalyze every single thing he did and come up with a reason why he behaves the way he does. but i think you are right...sometimes he's not that into you. even more, even if he is, if he is dumb enough to play childish games, then it is almost the same thing. if a guy is stupid enough to pretend he is not into you or plays little games for no reason, maybe you should save yourself the heartache. becuz most likely, he is gonna play with your heart as long as you are involved. so its better to cut your loses while you're ahead. and if he's not into you, he's an idiot. loser.

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I am young black woman in a large city trying to define myself and future. I choose to have an opinion about everything...you should too! I like having an opinion and sharing it with the world. I also choose to stand for something and making changes where I see necessary. I am full of flaws and promise that I will make several mistakes as I grow and define who I am.

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