Survivor update, week six: Dispensary owner Jim Rice's plotting works out for now

Why? Denver dispensary owner Jim Rice orchestrated some huge shakeup moves in the tribe that sent veteran player Ozzy's girlfriend, Elyse, off to Redemption Island last week.

Producers wasted no time getting to the drama, cutting right to Ozzy's whining about being blindsided. He said it was because he wasn't being kept in the loop, but really he's just being sour because his piece of ass was voted off and he realized he wasn't in charge. It was a big ego check for a big ego, and it resulted in a big tantrum. Ozzy told the team that he was a "free agent" only playing for himself and let on to the rest of the Savaii tribe that he has the idol -- a move that will likely haunt him later if the team decides to force him to use it.

Ozzy Lusth.

The complaining continued well into the next day. But while Ozzy was busy whining to the camera, the rest of the team sat back by the campfire and knocked him for his hissy fit. Rice made fun of him for "taking his ball and going to the other side of the island," and even nerdy law student Cochran called Ozzy a "stupid bitch."

Meanwhile, on the Upolu side of the island, nitwit Brandon stumbled upon a hidden clue that hinted where to find the immunity idol that can protect a player from elimination. What he didn't know is that the team already found it a few days back and handed it blindly over to veteran player Coach. The team let Brandon go on his wild goose chase for a while, but then someone realized that they had a time bomb on their hands the minute that loco Brandon realized it and felt left out because nobody had told him.

In the Redemption Island challenge, Ozzy's squeeze Elyse faced up against former Upolu member Christine in a game of shuffleboard. Christine, visibly tired and emotional after nearly two weeks alone on Redemption Island, ended up taking the match. But with her victory came another few nights by herself, and she left in tears.

With the realization that Elyse wasn't going to be coming back, Ozzy changed his tune and started trying to make moves. He sucked up to teammate Keith and the two formed an alliance to carry each other as far as they can. Ozzy formally apologized for his behavior to the rest of the team. Rice admitted that he wanted to keep Ozzy around to help the team win challenges -- and he'd then be a bigger target for elimination than Rice when the two tribes merge down the line. His strategy makes sense, and you can tell he's playing about two or three steps ahead of everyone else.

The big team challenge this week was a two-part race using someone's idea of a primitive Transformer. First, three members of a team would assemble a wheelbarrow from parts. They would then transport coconuts in the wheelbarrow through a ridiculously easy maze to the finish line ,where they would dump the coconuts into a trough. The next three team members would then reassemble the wheelbarrow into a giant sling shot and use the coconuts as ammo to knock down five targets down range.

Jim Rice, Medical Marijuana Dispenser.

Things looked hopeless at first for Savaii. They fell behind immediately with the trio of Dawn, Cochran and Ozzy fumbling to get the cart through the maze with any sort of rhythm. But Keith and Rice pulled ahead in the slingshot game, with Rice smashing the final target for the win and his team piling around him in a hug like hockey players after a goal. The team won a lunchtime picnic trip to a beautiful lagoon with waterfalls and a moss-covered natural rock slide. Best of all for the starving six was the basket filled with fresh fruit, juice and foot-long hoagies. The only thing missing was six nicely rolled RAW cones stuffed with herb, and it would be my vision of a perfect afternoon.

The members of Upolu, on the other hand, went back to their desolate campground on the beach to simmer and stew over who should go home. The first charge was against Mikayla, who refused to listen to advice from her teammates and didn't hit a single target with a coconut in the challenge. However, Mikayla is a physically strong player, unlike weakling Edna. The problem is that pompous Coach has taken Edna under his wing as his pseudo-servant and fought to keep her around. At one point, Coach said that he had her so under his thumb that later he could have Edna follow Ozzy while he takes a shit and even wipe Ozzy's ass. It was purely degrading stuff, and I get why people think that Coach is a complete tool.

Weirdo Brandon continued his strange mental journey, admitting that while he now wants Mikayla to stay around, he was going to vote against her because of his loyalty to Edna and Coach.

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Brandon eventually blew up in the tribal council meeting at the end of the show, giving away everyone's position and how they plan to vote. He went off on some rant about loyalty and truth and how people lie too much these days and ended up somehow associating marijuana use with being dishonest. I tried to pay attention, but ass-backwards logic and I don't mix well. What the hell does marijuana have to do with anything here other than Jim Rice owning a dispensary (which nobody in the game knows about)? Vote this fucking ignorant moron off already.

But instead, they voted off Mikayla and left the team even weaker and in more disarray than before.

The Survivor Strain this week is a delicious cut of Planewreck. Drier-sheet freshness and a sweet finish made this cut worth putting on your deserted island checklist.