Paris Hilton ‘Doesn’t Have Time’ for Coke

In the midst of her self-orchestrated arrest for cocaine possession, Paris Hilton’s hairstylist has rushed to her defense by having the huge, gay balls to say, wait for it, she “doesn’t have time” to do coke. Paris Hilton. Doesn’t have time for coke. The same Paris Hilton getting sprayed with champagne on one of her 800 vacations (above) doesn’t have time for coke. — I’ll bite. Via RadarOnline

Paris Hilton’s hair stylist Michael Boychuck tells RadarOnline.com exclusively that Hilton “wants everyone to know she does not do drugs and does not have time for that.”
“Paris and I have been texting since her arrest. Poor girl; my heart goes out to her and I feel bad about what happened,” Boychuck said.
“She told me the cocaine they found did not belong to her. She expressed to me that her career is very important and she would never do drugs or anything else for that matter to destroy what she’s worked so hard for.”

For shits and giggles, I decided to take a look through the past couple of Paris Hilton posts to see if there’s any possible way she might have a second to snort cocaine. What I found will shock you to your very core, provided you just woke up from a 20-year coma and have no idea what this Internet dealie is. (Hint: It’s sorcery.)

Now had this guy made the argument that Paris Hilton has too many herpes to do coke, I would’ve nodded in agreement because I don’t even see how you can argue with that. “Too many herpes? — Shit, he’s got us there. It’s like debating Jesus!”