Monday, June 12, 2017

In January, I
had brunch with relatives I had not seen since I was about 10 years old. Last
night, I saw one of those cousins again at a Passover Seder. This was the first
night of Passover and, apparently, the first time he had ever experienced this
holiday. I know from my hypnotherapy training how and why it is not always easy
or comfortable to participate in an unfamiliar holiday or event (subconscious unknown); but
he was a very enthusiastic and appreciative participant (guest) in this very
interactive meal. His interest and apparent joy about being included in the
Seder inspired everyone else to also pay closer attention to and appreciate the
significance of the many symbolic elements of this meal.

It also
reminded me how important it is to be a compassionate and involved host in
order to help each guest feel
welcome, relaxed, interested and interesting so everyone can have a great time.

Advice for the Host(s)

Do as much food and set-up preparation as
possible well before the guests are due to arrive. The less rushing around you
have to do, the calmer you will feel and the more relaxed you will be during
your party.

Consider assigning seats around the dining table
to facilitate introductions of specific guests or, if necessary, to separate
others who do not get along.

Remember to breathe! Deep breathing increases
the flow of oxygen throughout the body, via the bloodstream. Draw a deep breath
through the nose and hold it for the count of four. Imagine, visualize, picture
or pretend that you are inhaling confidence, relaxation, calm and any other
positive emotions that represent to you a comfortable social interaction. At
the count of four, exhale that breath through your mouth. As you exhale
visualize, imagine, picture or pretend that you are releasing the anxiety,
discomfort and/or any other negative emotions that you have previously
associated with these kinds of social interactions. Say/repeat the following
mantra: “I am very relaxed, calm and confident. With each deep breath I take, I
am becoming even more relaxed, sociable and in control of everything around me.
In fact, the harder I try to do or be the opposite, the more comfortable and
outgoing I become/am.”

Take a relaxing bath and/or do some meditation
to deepen your sense of relaxation. You can even do some self-hypnosis to
reinforce suggestions that your party will be fun and successful in order to
assuage any anticipatory anxiety about the event. These suggestions may
include: “My guests will feel relaxed and enjoy meeting and inviting these new
people into their lives”; and “(As the host or hostess) I release any and all
worry or negative expectations and will have fun at my party.”

Do not assume that a guest is bored or
uninterested in what is going on at your party just because the person isn’t
doing much (or any) talking. It takes some people a little while to relax and
feel comfortable in a social environment, let alone a bustling or structured one.
Sometimes, this kind of event can be overwhelming—so much so that the physical
stimuli and activities going on induce a gentle trance or light state of
hypnosis!

Be an interested host: Ask your guests questions
and listen to their replies. Invite them to participate in different aspects of
the event, such as proposing a toast, helping to serve part of the meal,
leading the group in prayer before the meal, etc. Not only do these kinds of
activities help to integrate individuals within this new social group, they
also facilitate conversations between the guests during the party.

Similarly, if your guest(s) offer to help you serve part of the meal or beverages, or want to
help you clean up afterward, it is okay for you to accept this offer. I find
that people often want to pitch in this way. It is an opportunity for guests to
show how much they appreciate the time and effort their hosts made to put on a
successful event, as well as to be more involved in it.

Once you have introduced all of your guests to
each other, do not linger to monitor these interactions. It is natural for
conversations to ebb and flow. Your guests may have more or less in common with
each other than you hoped or expected; however, it is out of your hands whether
they a friendship or other relationship ultimately develops from this introduction.

Point out common interests that your guests
share. This will help to break the ice and facilitate conversations. If you
someone seems uncomfortable, make a point of striking up conversation with that
guest. Discuss things that you know he or she is interested in and make a point
of introducing that person to others at the event who are likely to share a
common interest.

Alcohol lowers inhibition and can consequently
affect your mood and confidence, so avoid drinking or limit your intake of
alcoholic beverages before and during your event. Similarly, even if you are
serving alcohol, be sure to offer your guests nonalcoholic beverages such as
water, fruit juice and even soda to drink. Restrict the amount of caffeinated
beverages you drink, which can also affect blood-sugar level and your mood.