Faster than light, some haunting, some fleeting, some sweet, and some filled with sorrow, THOUGHTS are what make or break us. In search of my true self, a journal that deals with day-to-day things that leave their mark on me.. RACING THOUGHTS, my spoken and unspoken reflections!!
A full-time mom with mostly rusted professional skills, enjoying the blessing called lazy motherhood in United States. Whatever I am.. I AM LIKE THATTT ONLY!! నా ఇష్టం, నాకిష్టం.

Musically Sush

Foreword

There is neither a structure nor a texture to this blog. The subject matter can be anything and everything under the sky that I feel about at any given point that I happen to sit and blog rambling about everything in general. My thoughts and views are basically influenced by what I read, hear, gather, and ponder... if there is any copyright violation which I have not duly acknowledged, kindly let me know.

My world comprises of LO the little one, OA the other adult at home, kiddo the brother :)

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Feb 28, 2009

I am beginning to hate these ladies in politics.. in a country where women are suppossed to be treated as dieties (of course they are not and there are a whole lot of atrocities faced by them and that is a different topic altogether).. I never thought much about either Roja or Shoba in the first place, both are the women wing presidents of their respective parties TDP and PRP, both parties claiming to be working towards social justice and blah blah blah.

All said and done, (enta gontu chinchukunna samaana hakkulu, tokka, totakoora ani) It is very difficult for a woman to gain foothold and make any difference, be it any field. Especially, films and politics are 2 fields where people still hesitate to send their daughters or wives into. Why?? Is there no decency and are they any different from any other profession. One is a creative field and the other is a service-oriented job, yup!! it is a job. There a few people I admire in politics for their guts to speak out loud and do what they set out to do in the first place.. Margaret Alwa, Kumud Ben Joshi, etc., but they are very few and far between. I feel so ashamed today watching these two women hurl abuses at each other and degrade the word WOMAN in general. To say that these women represent the women supporting that party or are leaders of the women wing is really shameful and represents the ethicless moral-less base in the party.. wake up leaders and put an end to such rumor-gossip dirty language politics... there are soo many issues the women out there are plagued by and who slept with whom is the least of our concerns and if that is the main agenda in calling the press conference and airing on TV channels, then GO TO HELL WITH YOU LADIES...

Feb 26, 2009

My basic means of entertainment and timepass has been always movies.. those who follow this blog regularly (hoping too much I know, but kya kare, nenu aasa jeevini ;)) know that I have banned local channels and so the only thing I watch on TV these days is movies..

Come to think of it the main reasons I banned the news channels are by and large***26/11 coverage and the importance given to the Taj victims than the others...***Swapnika's acid incident and the aftermath..***current TV ads by political parties...

I was thinking about what made be laugh the max at one point and what brings a smile to my face even today on TV or on movie screen. A few that I remember right at this moment are

@@@ Mickey and Donald Cartoons.. I love this guy Donald.. He is awesome.. my first love.. mmmmmuuuuuuuaaaaaaaaahhhhhh...@@@ Tom and Jerry.. the most silently violent creatures in this universe, just love watching their constant quarells... love it the most when they try to patch up with each other ;).@@@ Dennis the Menace, especially where he yells for Mr. Wilson... mmmmummmmmuuuuuuuuaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh....@@@ Calvin and Hobbs.. especially the photo session... Muuuuaaaahhhh cute little monster...@@@ The scene in Stuart Little where the cat rolls over the table saying "A mouse with a pet cat"... mmuuaaah muuuaaahh muuuuuauaaaaaaaaaaaah@@@ The prayer by Venky and poetry recital scene in Nuvvu Naaku Nacchav by Prakash Raj... ayyo, I still remember the first time I saw it on big screen in the theater, I literally fell down from my seat laughing so hard that I had to hold the railing in front of me to control my tummy ache from all the guffaws :))... mmmuuuuuaah.@@@ The scenes of Brahmanandam in Anaganaka oka roju.. the fights, the chases, the Nellore Pedda Reddy scene.. delicious comedy.@@@ Heeeeeeeeeee.. and remember the gift pack scene from Pushpak ;).

Feb 25, 2009

This is not a book by Dan Brown that I am going to talk about in this post. It is about the way people are categorized in my mind or in general in minds of people. I am a very self-centered person I guess. Of course everyone is, but maybe just a tinge more in me. One of the best and worst things about me is my quality of "being Judgmental". I am way too judgmental in my own opinion. For me, it is either black or white no gray areas, no acting, no hypocrisy masked as diplomacy, nothing. If I like people, I just love them and even trust them with my life but on the other hand, if I have a bad experience with any individual, I just totally cut off and never look back. I know this is not a correct approach but no matter how much I try, I cannot re-connect with that individual at any cost. Even if I do, the crack would be so obvious that I better not even try to patch up.

Mom says one should learn to accept the gray areas in the life too and come to terms with them. One more argument is What is there in being superficial with people, you dont have to like them wholeheartedly just speak and get your work done why give importance them and ruin your peace of mind, be practical get your work done, get away from the scene, you dont have to be honest to those who are not honest to you. But I dont really lose any peace of mind, once cut off, they simply vanish from my life, clean as a slate, where comes the question. But then she argues, how many people will you eliminate and why do you need to change them.. yes, she is right too why the hell should I bother to change any one just change myself. I know I am being stubborn about this but that is how I am.

Give your best in anything you do, any relationship, even for the acquaintances, be genuine and true to yourself if not to anyone else is my policy. Hidden agendas in anything simple or complex just repel me instantly and I cannot tolerate lies. I give a chance to those who lie as easily as breathing air but then when it affects me in any remote way, nothing can stop me from running away miles from them.. so people in my life are either angels or Demons to me. It had been extremely painful for me in the recent times but I stuck with it all because I dont believe in giving second chances as they never really worked out for me. Second time was worse than the first always... I know how tough it is to sail against the tide, so as an MTB, I am forced to think as to what to preach to my kid and how she will turn out to be and that sets me thinking again as to who taught me to be like this in the first place and will I pass on something or will the kiddo come with her own preset emotions and feelings... I guess only time can tell..

Feb 24, 2009

I am tired and fed up with all the ARR and oscar mania doing rounds in the nation.. yes, I am more than ecstatic about it all and happy for the personal achievement of one amongst us.. but seriously I feel the hype about India ruling in Oscars and all is too much for me to take, what the hell it is not an Indian movie in the first place. It is a British film made by a Britisher based on India.

Firstly, there were many who make a lot of hue and cry on depiction of our nation in such a poor taste and all.. for those, I would say, yes there are too many things to be glorified about India and ridiculing it by showing the slums or slumdwellers is not at all shameful. The fact that such slums exist is shameful. It is not a lie or imagination that is shown on the screen, portraying reality does not mean showing it in poor light. If you are soo ashamed of India being shown in poor light, comeon it is easy talking sitting in AC rooms or a roof on the head, do SOMETHING concrete and then feel bad if that is not depicted. I get angry when someone says why do only the movies that we make on poverty in India succeed abroad. Well, unfortunately still there are some people in that part of the world who believe that India is a land of snake charmers and elephants, not their fault.. there are still so many living in rural areas, the back bone of our country working under very very meagre conditions. Only the selected few geniuses who are fortunate enough do not represent a growing nation. The very fact that we are still a DEVELOPING nation since soo many years means that what progress has been made so far is not adequate to raise the level of the nation in everyone's eyes. If we eliminate such circumstances there will be no reason to make a hue and cry of anything and everything.

Secondly, another thing that irritates me the max is "India Shines in Oscars" . The truh is "IT IS A BRITISH FILM". Coming to Smile Pinki, yup based on an Indian girl but it is a foreign film maker who came up with the concept and executed it. Rejoicing for the fact that SDM has won so many oscars because it made on India is pointless.. rejoicing for personal achievements of individuals like AR Rehman and Rasool is the point to be noted. Happy for its win, but at the same time some of the reactions have left me speechless at the shamelessness with which people claim what is not actually deserved..

Feb 23, 2009

Amazing.. hardwork and persistence pays is what I can say. I am really proud of being from the part of the world he hails from. Neither me nor anyone else but his mom can in no way claim any responsibility for his win but still I feel too happy and a big bow to his talent and mostly his humble being. I am really really sure that he would have won many more had he been nominated earlier. Anyways, better late than never. I feel there is so much of potential still to be tapped and explored inside this tiny bomb shell of a man. More than anything that struck me about this tiny little man is his simplicity and being humble and I really feel priviliged to have been in presence of this gentleman way back when I was in US in the way of his show... a lesson for me in underplaying the abilities and letting them speaking instead of he himself emerging as a larger-than-life persona.. :)..

One thing about his music is it grows on you gradually and stays there for a long long time.. To many more such victories to him and the likes of him!!!

Feb 20, 2009

There are a few books that leave a mark on you the first time they are read and then there are some which are page turners at that moment but then you hardly remember the story after some time. I have been an avid reader since my childhood with my preference to books rather than people who distract and divert from constructive tasks at hand. Those from state syllabus in AP can relate to the term non-detailed book (English subject) and I have always loved the book of all in the syllabus, aaw I digress again… it is so true, like Ramana says manasu oka koti, komma kanipinchagane egiri gantulestundi.. (mind is a monkey, will start jumping the moment it sees a branch)

So, coming back to the point my love with fairy tales of fantasy land books started with the book Gulliver’s travels. I love this man, the country of lilliput, their life, their quarrels, their society and each and everything about that book… the other day when I went to the library, I found this book and relived all my fantasies again. I love it so much that the narration brings those characters alive in front of me and it is as if I can clearly see them in front of me trying to reach Gulliver’s height and all that.. I felt so happy and fresh in a long time. So, if any one asks me who my hero is, it is definitely Gulliver, not for bravery, not for adventure spirit, nothing that I can point to but the sheer pleasure of reading the narrative. Well, I know that my hero should have been the author by logic but then who said logic has anything to do with feelings ;). What is your favorite tale?

Feb 16, 2009

This is the one song apt for the LO (little one), I would like to name the kiddo LA (little angel) but then again it is up to her/him to prove what he/she is. For the time being, it is going to be “She” as that is what I long for and hence the references as she and her. My logic is anyone is fine but when I have a choice to be ignorant, then pick what you like to satisfy yourself (yeah.. I was telling you, I am a little on the off-side these days ;)).

Motherhood meant a whole lot of things to me ever since I was aware of myself and surroundings. Mother is the first one, one would run to, to seek solace and comfort and shelter in this whole universe. The one who is supposed to shield us from all evils in the unknown world we are yet to explore and figure out by getting hurt time and again. I just longed to be one to give the LO all that I ever wanted and at the same time be cautious not to overdo and suffocate her.

If one could punish me real bad, it was by saying I could never be a mother or that I would not be a good mother. It was my sore point, could bear anything and do anything for the loved ones but not take this. Who is one to restrict another individual and crush his/her dream and who is one to judge so early. If I had to prove myself to be a good individual before I am allowed to become a mom, I don’t know what can be the worst and also if this self-proving thing would EVER stop in life.

Well, I digress.. back to the point.. the first reaction when I was sure, was a mix of all emotions I ever had, happy, sad, confused, mad, blank, sober, eccentric, (yeah I know, I am too much) but after so long I cannot point one particular feeling I had for any fixed time. It was an emotional as well as a physical roller coaster. I was a bundle of contradictions at any given point of time. Running around doctors for God-knows-what-not ranging from ear infection, lung infection, fever, cramps, panic attacks, checkups, counseling, injections, tests.. phew!! I lost the precious time in enjoying the being within in all this running around. I seemed to be angry all the time, with everyone including the God and could not find a moment of solace. The first trimester was a blur with so much happening and so much yet to happen. It was a wait-and-watch period, especially with the earlier mishap and it was like my everything depended on the outcome this time. It was an unexpected gift which I was foolish enough to even consider a bane in my extreme anguish.

I had a multitude of suggestions and expert opinions on the best course of action, some from those I was running to and some from those who were chasing me down and to be true, it is one of the best periods in my life with so many stark truths coming to the surface and real friends and well-wishers standing by like strong pillars around while the others just left no attempt to leave me shaken and uprooted with biases, interventions (Thanks Caps, B, R, A, G, H, J !!!).

I had to run away from a lot of my fears and bitter facts of life and settle for what is best in the given circumstances and to this day remain uncertain as to what holds in the next couple of months. I may be down but not out, I may be stubborn but not foolish. I will stand by what I believe until the time the LO has her own beliefs and aims for life. I promise you my LO that I am there NO MATTER WHAT and you wont be such a loner in a crowd and neither will you suffer a lack of identity. By fate, we have been assigned each other and I will stay so until you need me no longer.

Fly like a bird...Sleep like a log...laugh like a child...cry like there is no tomorrow...live a simple life...see the baby...hear a kind word...find a soothing solution...just become blank and start life from scratch...become one with the universe...run like a cheetah...swim like a fish...

Above all, live a secure life without any tensions and complexities..

It is so true that everything is in the mind and we will be free once we drive those demons away..

So I want to cast away all my fears and hopes and just LIVE each moment...

It is supposed to be an emotional phase for anyone and more so for me with so much happening around me. I so want to be independent and do everything for myself but my health stops me from doing so, I get tired easily and do not want to upset the balance with the kiddo. Is everyone so hyper or just me. Is it wrong to say I want to live life on my own terms and want the best for the li’l one and me. Nope. Certainly Not. I am what I am no matter how helpless I might be and it is just a passing phase. I am a survivor and will emerge so from this one too and bounce back really really higher.

Feb 15, 2009

Am back in my village, the place I was born.. by wish or by force or by lack of choices, whatever it is I am confused and would not just want to delve on it. Somethings just happen, call it divine intervention or human helplessness.

The village has grown, people have changed, and the fact that I am blogging through a broadband connection in my remote village is amazing. While the world is advancing, there are a few things which still are trademark of my village to me.

Most of my relatives here have migrated for greener pastures, half of their houses have been abandoned, now home for snakes and rats and termites, the only ones I find here are the oldies relying on their maids and servants. Every house has a TV, most of them color TVs. Every house now has a bathroom, most of them are taking loans and shifting to concrete houses with slabs as opposed to thatched houses. DWACRA groups, pensions, white cards, Arogya Sree Schemes, everyone is aware of the benefits given to them. It is the same village but with too many changes.

I am back here in the house I was born in, the place where I grew up and always longed to be, to bring my little one to life. It is just the same, far from the modern world, thatched roof, mud walls, lots of space, loads of trees.. the same old rats, cats, snake menace, nothing really changed but for the people missing.. my amma and tatee (granny and grandpa). How I wish they were here today, I can just imagine the happiness in their eyes, the pleasure of my being there with them at the most delicate period of my life ever. I sometimes wonder if it is their way of calling me back here, to say that they are there for me no matter what the circumstances are. But I am not really too excited to be here, what has happened.. why are the roof, the snakes, the mud, the cobwebs that never came to my notice all my life just crop up.. why???

I have seen the best and worst in the life, been the happiest and seen the lowest, maybe at my all-time lowest phase with hormones playing up and moods acting up.. I used to love being at this place because of the love that I got here but I am beginning to feel suffocated largely due to the property clashes and the selfish, thankless attitudes of people. One thing I fail to understand is why should one expect anything from the parents and why the hell do we fail to do our duties but stand first to claim the benefits after their death. I feel like strangling a few people in my extreme off-mood phases but just let it go and try to calm down as much as possible and just cant wait to get out of all this mess never to return back.. but until then I want to absorb all that I can of this place, my temple at one point, enough for a lifetime.

I worship the one who is seated on a throne befitting a king - the one who captivates the world.The queller of enemies and the one who dances the eternal dance.I worship that God - the son of Hari and Hara, who is my sole shelter.

The one who is worshipped by the sharana goshas and who recharges the butter-like minds of devotees. The one who is captivatingly decorated.The one who likes the beautiful dance.The Lord of the bhoothas (elements/aspects of terrestrial nature) who is of the radiant hue of the dawn.I worship that God - the son of Hari and Hara, who is my sole shelter.

The one who rides on a horse. The one who has a beautiful face.The one who has the revered gadhayudha (mace). The one whose darshan is wonderful & to whom Vedas sing praises. The one who is the compassionate guru (beloved as Guru & beloved to his own Guru too .... who showered his mercy on his Guru's son) and the one fond of his praises being sung. I worship that God - The queller of enemies and the one who dances the eternal dance.- the son of Hari and Hara, who is my sole shelter.

The one worshipped by all the 3 worlds.The soul of all divinities. The one who pure son of the threeeyed Lord Shiva.The one worshipped by the devas.The one who grants wishes & who is absorbed in the welfare (thought) of his dependants. I worship that God - The queller of enemies and the one who dances the eternal dance.- the son of Hari and Hara, who is my sole shelter.

The one who removes the fear of the cycles of births and deaths. The one that carries or brings happiness. The captivator of the worlds (as he born of Vishwa Mohini, Sriman Narayana himself).The one who is one decked in vibhuti and has a white elephant for a vehicle.I worship that God - The queller of enemies and the one who dances the eternal dance.- the son of Hari and Hara, who is my sole shelter.

The one who is enchantingly handsome. The one who has a smile on his beautiful face. The one who is softer than the softest (..as Kalabham..) & is highly attracted by chants/hymns. The one who rode on a tiger as the king of gods. I worship that God - The queller of enemies and the one who dances the eternal dance- the son of Hari and Hara, who is my sole shelter.

The one who is dear to his devotees.The one who bestows all desires. The one praised in the vedas and one who bestows life to ascetics. The captivating one who is fond of music. I worship that God - The queller of enemies and the one who dances the eternal dance.- the son of Hari and Hara, who is my sole shelter.

Of the many things that happen with or without my consent, Mittu, my little doggie is one. The first thing my mama did after my coming to this place was to bring a month-old doggie to me, a Pomeranian, white with a tinge of brown at the ears and the tail to keep me distracted and occupied. I was a little averse due to the litter and bath aspects but had to give in looking in to the lovely droopy eyes of the pup. My granny always had pet dogs in the house, sometimes to a count of 4 or 5, so dogs and puppies are not new to me but contrary to that mom has always been scared of dogs and somehow very reluctant even to touch them or stay in the same room as them. BUT somethings do change I guess, now she is the one who pets it all the time, to the point of increasing her neck and joint pains..

Who says it is a dog's life when in bad phase, this one sure has all the royal treatments carried on so much so that I am wondering if it is forgetting that it is a doggie. It never ever barks, trots, sleeps all the day, eats and chews whatever it feels like, sometimes even diving into the waste basket, leaves, grass, slippers, papers, plastic what not. Bath and after bath times are a scene at home with mom struggling, me screaming and Mittu trying various escapade plans. And yeah, for those wondering.. it has been almost a month and it does not respond to its name in the daytime but at night, when scared, promptly runs into the laps or tries to climb the short beds and lie down snugly next to mom.

The biggest surprise of all is mom has fallen in love with the pup and is always seen carrying it, feeding it, petting it, or kissing it. My place has fallen from second to third in her life... sigh!! .. bobby, mittu, and then me.

It has indeed become quite a handful to me running around dirt, getting dirty the moment I turn to the side and is the purpose of its arrival solved.. Of course, how can I have time for anything after so much running around and policing around.. phew!!!... but I forget everything the moment I pick it up and it snuggles deeper and looks up with those adorable eyes and even winks ;).

Nothing visionary and social about this title.. I am just too scared to visualize myself as a mother of a teenaged girl in this country. Call me panicky, call me crazy, call me anything you want but I am scared, really.. not at the atrocities that are being done to the girl kids but at the way the society is turning out to be.

I hear so many news of the love-gone-bad revenge cases of late in the state that I seriously wonder if it is always only the boy who is at fault. Is there no part played by the society and the girl herself in all that is happening. The acid-throwing, throat-cutting trend is on the raise but I wonder if it is just one-sided love that is making the guys do such things.

Some might think I am being biased to the guys or being insensitive in commenting so but I think it is the fault of the girl to let the things go out of hand. Some things I have noticed during my short stay are..

-- some girls have become over-smart trying to take the guys for a ride.
-- it is fashionable to have a girl friend or a boy friend and one is treated as an outcast if without one.
-- the bakeries, movie theaters, hotels, roads, parks, etc., are crowded with teenagers, guys spending, girls ordering stuff, shopping, etc.

One thing that has become fashionable on TV these days is..
-- one event happens, the next moment the channels are flashing the news, local galli-type no-work-no-sense type of faceless party leaders come on the screen questioning the government and its rule and what not completely ignoring what has actually happened.

my doubt is... when to stop this..
-- when the girl/guy is getting out of the hand, behaving unresponsibly at home.
-- when the girl roams around with a guy under the name of friendship, puppy love, just-friends types or whatever the hell it is..
-- when the girl ditches the guy and goes for another one leaving the first one mad..
-- when the parents know about all that and when everything is getting out of hand, go lodging a complaint after keeping it under the wraps for so long..
-- when the angry guys goes on a rampage resorting to something nasty..

??????????????????????????????

why blame such things on the ruling party, why are WE as citizens not trying to do anything. When we see a bunch of girls and boys or a couple of not-even-teenagers in compromising positions, why do we just ignore them and pass on, why dont we question them and mostly as parents why are we so laid back and what is it that is lacking in the upbringing which is making them want to go seeking love in most dangerous places.... most certainly NOT THE RULING PARTY!!!

Feb 5, 2009

I dont know if it is me during this sensitive phase that is reacting hyperly to the happenings around or if it is a general feeling everyhere around.

I dread opening local newspapers or local news channels for the fearing of seeing yet another girl harassed, cut, mutilated, raped, humiliated, what not. It had been a long time since I had been in AP for long, 2 years to be precise and right from the moment I stepped in, all I see is this news floating around. I am beginning to hate the TV9, TV5, NTV, and all those 2-bit, TRP craving, dirty channels. It is really disgusting to see how the news is shown again and again and again and the type of news that are shown.

Are all the problems around us of no improtance.

Is everyone well-fed, well-read, and satisfied in this rule.

Why dont they show the corrupt officials and their corrupt ways, enlighten the common man rather than show which guy abused which guy using caste name or community name or what the hell ever it is.

Why give undue footage to the cheap politicians kissing the a**** of the filmstars, coming up with new plans for development right at the moment of elections, etc.

I am very strongly forced to believe that they only show the cases who refuse to cough up money or give in to the respective channel's blackmail and the real mischief makers just go away paying off their way.. I am beginning to hate the media, hate the society for what it has become, hate the way it is being portrayed to us. I have banned the channels but cant escape the reality right!!!!!

Somethings are just not under our control, human control that is. Though I am not overtly religious I believe in a supreme power governing every move of ours. But me being me, sometimes forget that and make plans and visualize a bright future along those lines. Thankfully, I am awoken from that deep slumber with a jolt and then have the power to go on, though wounded, I feel fresh when I am allowed to live MY life on my own terms, honest, peaceful, and simple.

These past few months I have been wondering about a lot of things in the fellow human beings..

-- Why is that everyone is interested in everyone else's life more than they are interested in their own.

-- Why cant people let go their children once they get them married off and at least give them the breathing space in a relationship.

-- Why is it that you have to prove to people time and again that you were correct and then again they go back to square one with their own opinions.

-- Who the hell is anyone to impose his/her ideas on another person, the other person is entitled to a viewpoint as much as you have yours.

-- Are the customs, traditions, society only meant to ridicule a person when he/she is already under a tremendous pressure from within and all quarters.

-- Is there any place a person can just escape from the chaos around and just be his/her own self even for a moment.

Amidst of all, I have realized one truth that

"Antaramukha samâradhya bahirmukha sudurlabha"

This verse from Lalitha Sahasra Nama Stotram helps me understand one thing.. no matter where you look for realization, self or otherwise, it is only from one's own self (within) that you get peace.. not through external activities.

Seek happiness from within and that is the only place you wont be disappointed.. believe in yourself and things will fall into place.

Feb 4, 2009

Hey guys!! thanks all of those who missed me and my blabber... I was tied up due to a lot of things happening in the life, of course I will sooner or later put them on the blog (no chance of escape ;)) but for now, all I could say is I had been admidst of an extremes of emotions, happy, content, desperate, wild, mild... phew!! and what not..

I had been hibernating and increasing my girth like just like the polar bear and just now got the time and resources and the inclination to blog.. so hopefully, I will continue to do so regularly..

Firstly let me wish all of you all the things that I missed to wish on time. My extremely belated.... happy birthday, happy anniversary, happy New Year, and newborn happinesses and a lot more.. I had been a silent follower of all the blogs, so am up to date with what's up in your world, will let you into mine real soon..

For Evil Eyes on LO

About Me

Determined, strong, eccentric, irregular, crazy, candid, sweet, spicy, naughty, nutty, kind, rigid, soft, calm, considerate, stubborn, sensible yet way too sensitive than expected despite a tough exterior.. On the whole a bit of everything and above all A SURVIVOR!!!
A simple complex individual who has an opinion on everything in general and does nothing about anything in particular. A perfectly imperfect one-piece item in the whole wide world ;).