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Same issue. starting to be a problem in the relationship

I am dating this fella and we have been together for some time. He recently moved back to his hometime and reconnected with old friends. I am currently visiting him and meet his family and friends. He is friends with a few females and that is fine. His roommate is a female and i am cool with that. the one thing i have a problem with is one female friend. His other female friends have said to stay away from her and i have shared my feelings about her. He said that she is just a friend and that nothing would ever happen with her. I dont trust her. I have not met her and he doesnt seem to want me to meet her. It makes me wonder why. he tells me i dont have to be threatened by her. 2 of his female friends have said she is a drama queen and a slut. I have also gotten that vibe from her. She has texted him and he has texted her. He doesnt tell me when they talk. It seems to be a problem in our relationship. I want to meet her. I saw on his facebook acct that he made plans to go on the boat with her after i leave. I told him he didnt have to wait till i leave to take her out. He knows i want to meet her. I think she is a skank so does some of the girls that went to school with her. His roommate included. I told him she wants more than just a friendship. He wanted to know how i knew. I told him it was female intution. He said that if she tried any thing then he would tell her to f off. I trust him but not her. I dont want this to continue to be an issue in our relationship. She does live about an hour and half from here. Should i just trust him and see what happens or should i be worried?
what you any of you do in this situation.

It sounds like you trust him for the most part, so why not in this case also? If I were you, I think I would give him the benefit of the doubt, though some men NEED a women to practically throw themselves at them (while we can see there may be more feelings then just friendship) to realize the other women wants something more. Trust that IF that happens, he will do the right thing!

I would drop it! He's not with her, he's with you and when you go "stirring things up", they tend to have a way of biting you in the ass! If all his friends see her this way, I'm sure he does too. Just go about your business and show you have class! You have to have trust in him until he gives you reason not to!

I do trust him and i know he wont cheat on me. I will say when i found out about the boat thing he did say he was not going to be alone with her he was going to have other freinds there. He has been away from home for many years and just spent a year overseas. He was also the dorky kid in school and now he is not and She and many more are showing their interest. I think that is going to his head some. I know he loves me and he shows it when we are out. I am also planning on moving up here with him so maybe you are rite. I should not worry too much about her then. But i still feel like wanting to slap her evertime i see her face or hear her name.

Comment by
Anonymous
(original poster)
at 7:09 AM on Jun. 17, 2011

I agree with PPs. Just keep an eye on him. Just in case!
I find it odd that he doesn't want you to meet her. Weird!

If you don't trust her, you don't trust him. Because if you trusted your man, it wouldn't matter what she did or what she tried, you would KNOW nothing would happen. What's there to be scared of if someone hits on him, besides being inappropriate for them to do? You don't really trust him then.
What I would be worried is the text messages, where he is responding to her....

Answer by
Anonymous
at 8:04 AM on Jun. 17, 2011

Girl...I have somewhat the same problem. There is a total slut at my husbands work, and she doesn't even worry me, but this other girl, who flirts with him, and calls him cute petsy names that I call him, and just odd things that you just don't say to a married man. She added him on facebook, and he accepted...I got pissed because that makes it an out of work "friendship", which I was not cool with this girl being. He deleted her, but she still pisses me off.

Trust your gut, if this girl is no good then shes probably no good. I'm sure you can trust him, and I understand you can't trust her, but you gotta let it play out, hes not your husband (If he was then it'd be different). I don't think he'd doing anything but you never know, just keep a watch on it.

All this talk about how you should trust him is all well & good; HOWEVER!!! WHY did you have to read on Facebook about the boat ride? Why didn't he tell you about it himself? If he says/said he didnt tell you because he knew you'd be/get upset, I call that a poor excuse. It's also called: "lying by omission". And yes, there is such a thing. My mama always said; "actions speak louder than words". I suggest you heed that advice. The fact that he wont introduce you to her, tells me he has something to hide. Here's an idea; tell him you'll arrange it so you can come along on the boat ride as well, & watch his reaction. That would tell you all you need to know.

If it was my SO I would tell him.... I have no problems with you having friends that are women, but by not having me and this woman meet you are creating trust issues in our relationship. If you want this relationship than I need to meet her.

Why worry? What good is that going to do? You HAVE to trust him, until he gives you a reason NOT to trust him. You don't know her and you have no control over what she does, and you have no control over what he does. All you can do is trust....trust he will do the right thing...trust he is faithful in your relationship...trust yourself to know that you will know (intuition) if anything happens! THEN, you can address the problem. But until then, don't create or imagine one. Just have faith! One thing I have learned over the years is that things happen for a reason and you really have no control over most things. We have choices...but things happen the way they are supposed to and if something DOES happen, you will know. Otherwise, relax and trust him AND your intuition. And I wouldn't mention it to him anymore. He knows how you feel. If he respects you, and loves you, then you have nothing to fear!