Let's talk Money! Or Not!

Why is it so touchy to talk about money? In asian countries, ppl talk openly about how much they make, and proud to talk about it too, and you bet ppl always ask you stuff about money too! My FIs family is SE Asian, and always openly talk about money, asking me how much I make and stuff. I find it uncomfortable, but really don’t know why, maybe I am used to not talk about money living in America.

I’ve also noticed on here that ppl often dont want to post their income/savings/money related items even though it’s anonymous. I’m curious, what is your reason for not wanting to share anything money related? (Not expense related, I think people are quick to jump to I spent X amount on this, blah blahm, lol)

Just curious, do you feel comfortable talking about money? Even if its anonymous? Why or why not?

@weddingbee098: I don’t in my real life because it’s none of anyone’s business. I don’t want people to make assumptions about me based on my net worth. My friends don’t have any concept of what we make unless they are studying what we have closely, i.e. house, vehicles, etc. I just don’t think it matters so there’s no need to talk about it. It won’t change the friendship…at least I hope.

Anonymously, I could care less. People on the bee often acuse you of bragging if you talk about having money but are happy to give out pity if you don’t. It’s not something people receive well, even online when they don’t know who you are, so I find its usually better to say nothing and let people make assumptions. If I’m blanatly asked, I find it rude and off-putting, but would be more inclined to answer online than off.

@weddingbee098: What I find interesting, is that many people from the US are proud to say they have a good income (even if they don’t say how much). I’ve seen many Bees posting about their huge savings, absence of debts, etc. I feel like it is (legitimately) a source of pride to have a good financial situation.

It’s totally the contrary in Québec and that’s what amazes me the most ! There’s a tradition (probably because of the Catholic influence here) where Quebecers used to be told they were ”born for a small bread”, vs. the English who were successfull, etc. It was not a good thing to make money, and to talk about it. What’s taboo in Québec is not to talk about money in general : it’s to admit you have savings, no debts, and generally a good income /situation !

A good example of this : one of Québec’s celebrities is Celine Dion. She did an interview recently in the US (with Ellen Degeneres I think ?) when she proudly talked about owning 3,000 pairs of shoes and selling her 75M$ house. But what does Celine Dion talks about when she’s interviewed in Québec ? ”Ahh, it’s so good to be home and eat grilled-cheese for dinner, nothing tastes better than my mom’s spaghetti.”. In other words, her image in the US is advertised for success and money. In Québec, the advertisement is about how ”simple” she’s remained and how she doesn’t have refined tastes even though she’s rich (and she’ll never brag about being rich). On the contrary, she’ll always insist about her childhood because she was poor.

I find this phenomenom quite amazing. In my culture, it’s not a shame to have debts. It’s part of life. And people talk about it. However on the Hive it’s totally different, whenever there’s a subject about debts, I feel most people do not want to talk about it, as there is ”debt-shaming” going on.

I feel comfortable talking about money to a degree. I only ever get uncomfortable when the person asking is prying, like they are using whatever I say to make me feel bad. Other wise I’m totally chill. If you ask what I make I’ll proudly say it.

At least where I’m from, you are taught it is not polite to talk about money. My dad even once said while I was dating my FI, that I shouldn’t mention that I make more than he does, because it would make him feel bad. When I repeated to my FI, he laughed it off.

To be honest, I really think that we should talk more about money. The only way you learn about what to do with your money is talk about it. A lot of my friends and myself work at finacial insitutions, and talk about our jobs all day long, but none of us can talk to eachother about how to invest, how to purchase a house, or insurance. We WORK in these fields, but because we were raised that these are taboo, we don’t gain from eachothers experiences and advice.

@weddingbee098: to me, it depends on who I’m talking to and the purpose of the conversation. I was taught that it wasn’t polite to talk about money, but I generally don’t care too much. I would never try and make someone feel bad because they make less than we do or try and make someone feel bad for us because they make more.

FH and I do pretty well, especially considering our age and time out of school. If we didn’t have student debt (mostly his) we’d be laughing.

It just depends on who it is. I have a friend who is also super judgemental when you tell her how much you spend on something which is really annoying. On this website I’m pretty truthful about money questions.

@DuckyPDuckerson: You wouldn’t be offended if someone asked you what you make? I find that SO offensive. I’ve had people ask and it’s like, really? How is that your business? You’re much more patient than I am.

I’m a nanny, so by no means do I make a lot of money, but I make more than many college students my age. I’m happy to tell people who ask how much I charge per hour if they are looking to babysit in the area for the first time. I’m not ashamed of what I make, but I don’t flaunt it. I think it is strange when people brag about material items that they own. I just don’t get it. Sure, SO and I have nice stuff in our apartment, but it took forever for us to save up for those items. We can’t just go out and buy a $2,000 TV without thinking and saving for months.

Different cultures, different values. I’m Chinese and I think Chinese people are obsesed about making money (almost unhealthy) and I think the American culture of being more reserved about talking money is better and more aligned with my values

@Misswhowedding: I agree with you. I honestly learned a lot reading the money section of the Hive. To the point I reviewed my budget sheet to make it more strategic (especially with emergency funds and student loans payments). I wouldn’t have known otherwise.

I also go to the bank every year to review my personal account, debts and savings and all. In 2013 was the FIRST TIME someone took time to explain to me a few strategies in order to pay less interests, and explained to me how credit scores were calculated, things like that. I was 26. Soooooooo many things I would have done differently these past years had I known more about this topic.

@weddingbee098: I think you hit it on the nose when you said it’s cultural. It’s a major taboo to share the detaisl outside of your family, and I feel all sorts of weird breaking that. Since most of my friends are from this culture, it would be really inappropriate for me to say “I make xx dollars” or “I have xx dollars in the bank.”

Even though I don’t really think it’ll be a problem, it also kind of nags at the back of my mind that if I saw “I have xxx dollars” I’ll somehow become a target for theft or something.

@NauticalDisaster: I didn’t know that about Quebec, and it helps explain some politics too.

I think people being a bit more open about money would be helpful. I think a certain degree of privacy is still useful though. There are quite a few companies about having a strict policy about not sharing with other employees what you make. I see benefits and consequences to that.

@MrsPanda99: I wouldn’t be offended if someone asked me what I make unless there was malintent behind it (which most of the time I wouldn’t assume)….not that you asked me =P Just throwing out my answer because I liked your question. I also am only part time and make less than 20k right now so maybe if I made like 100k my answer would be different? I wouldn’t know tbh.

OP, I work in banking and do the budgeting at home so money is a pretty big part of my life. I talk about it all the time and do so in my personal life too. I actually find it more uncomfortable when I’m in a situation when people DON’T talk about money but are suggestive. I have a friend who works in HR which is my major, but has never told me what she makes or even, what’s normal for the position in our area, even knowing it’s something I am pursuing. I think once I asked if she was paid well in her old position and she just said “not enough for what I did.” which was not really helpful at ALL. I wasn’t asking to be nosey, I was asking for an insider perspective on the career path. She’s also a competitive one so it’s probably for the best anyway.

I know what my parents make, have in their accounts, save, pay, etc. I wasn’t raised that way, I didn’t know these things growing up, but I’m an open book so anytime I was hired on to a new job, I’d tell them how much I was making. Or if I met a savings goal, I’d share it. I think eventually it just got us talking in general about finances.

I do notice some cultural differences on the bee. Debt is evil and CCs are evil. I think that shuts down some openess online. It’s even hard to have a reasonable talk about variable vs. fixed interest rates, as the opinion that you’re super irresponsible for choosing a variable rate (ignoring the fact that a fixed will likely have to be renewed) drowns out the discussion about the spread difference.