PLS HLP ME! PPL R ENJOYING GAME

The NFL is super cereal about enforcing its new oppressive fan conduct policy, which seeks to eliminate everything enjoyable about attending an NFL game. In the midst of lockstepping compliance, teams around the league are thinking of new and creative ways to turn their fans into snitches. The Buccaneers, in particularly, have instituted a novel and technologically savvy approach: texting for help.

For fans spending hundreds of dollars to attend Tampa Bay Buccaneers games, the beer-soaked, foul-mouthed nuisance in the next seat can ruin the game-day experience.

On Sundays, fans dealing with abusive spectators can text (813) 277-6501 with their problem and location, and a security or law enforcement officer will arrive.

“Sometimes people don’t want to get up from their seat,” said Barbara Casey, Tampa Sports Authority spokeswoman.

Ah, the perfect recourse for the lazy and easily offended football fan. Just who the league wants to cater to. God, I hate the NFL sometimes.