What to Say to a Loved One With Clinical Depression

Is one of your close confidantes suddenly and inexplicably irritated all the time? Is she canceling plans, getting quiet in conversations and generally not her cheery self? It could be clinical depression – which means that even though she’s grumpier than usual, you need to stay closer than ever. Here are 7 tips for helping a depressed friend...

Roughly 25% of adults suffer from depression at some point in their lives.

That means there’s a good chance either you – or a friend – has or will suffer from clinical depression.

But first get this straight: Clinical depression is different from simply getting “blue” about something bad that happened to you. (For example, your car is stolen, you lose a boyfriend or a job promotion doesn’t come through.)

Often, after a night out or a good cry, you move on and put the event behind you.

Is one of your close confidantes suddenly and inexplicably irritated all the time? Is she canceling plans, getting quiet in conversations and generally not her cheery self? It could be clinical depression – which means that even though she’s grumpier than usual, you need to stay closer than ever. Here are 7 tips for helping a depressed friend...

“The word ‘depression’ is widely and tragically misunderstood,” says Stephen S. Ilardi, PhD, associate professor of clinical psychology at the University of Kansas in Lawrence. “One of the best things you can do as a friend is educate yourself about what it is.”

“What grabs [a doctor’s] attention is losing the ability to love, work, play and focus,” he says.

Untreated over time, depression can even cause brain damage.

“In clinical depression, we see very high levels of the stress hormone cortisol,” Ilardi says. “If it persists, we see shrinkage in the hippocampus and frontal cortex, the memory centers and areas of the brain associated with higher-order reasoning and function.”

Is one of your close confidantes suddenly and inexplicably irritated all the time? Is she canceling plans, getting quiet in conversations and generally not her cheery self? It could be clinical depression – which means that even though she’s grumpier than usual, you need to stay closer than ever. Here are 7 tips for helping a depressed friend...

This shrinkage may reverse as depression subsides, often through treatment. That’s where you come in: Friends can have a big impact on whether a depressed patient seeks help and eventually recovers, experts say.

“I’ve had patients come [in] only because a friend made the contact and drove them to my office,” says clinical psychologist Andrea Bonior, PhD, an adjunct professor of psychology at Georgetown University in Washington, DC

That doesn’t mean a friend can do all the work. Someone who's depressed will have to get help and follow through with treatment.

Read on for the best ways you can help a depressed friend.

Help a Depressed Friend: Pay Attention to Jerky Behavior
If your friend is usually kind, considerate, pleasant and enthusiastic, but abruptly changes without behavior – pay attention.

Bad behavior – for example, bailing on plans or being irritable or inconsiderate – is often the first stage of depression, Bonior says.

Is one of your close confidantes suddenly and inexplicably irritated all the time? Is she canceling plans, getting quiet in conversations and generally not her cheery self? It could be clinical depression – which means that even though she’s grumpier than usual, you need to stay closer than ever. Here are 7 tips for helping a depressed friend...

Nonetheless, stick by your friend’s side until you’ve exhausted your resources. You’re a crucial support during depression, she advises.

How to Help a Depressed Friend: Have an Open Talk
“Very often, friends and family recognize that the person is depressed,” Bonior says.

“The depressed friend may not even realize how different she seems,” she adds. “Or maybe she knows she’s down but doesn’t think it’s a big deal. ”

But take action in a one-on-one conversation. Group interventions don’t work with a depressed person, according to Bonior.

“They can feel intimidating and off-putting because someone who’s depressed may already feel self-conscious,” she warns.

Say to your depressed friend something as simple as, “You don’t seem like yourself lately.” That can be enough for her to open up to you and then seek help from a mental health professional.

Is one of your close confidantes suddenly and inexplicably irritated all the time? Is she canceling plans, getting quiet in conversations and generally not her cheery self? It could be clinical depression – which means that even though she’s grumpier than usual, you need to stay closer than ever. Here are 7 tips for helping a depressed friend...

Sometimes it helps to share a firsthand experience.

“A friend who says, ‘I’m on [an antidepressant]’ or ‘My sister battles depression. Let me tell you what I know’ can really [alleviate] the stigma that’s still there for depression,” Bonior says.

“You might not get the immediate reaction you want,” she adds. “More often it will take a couple times before you convince your friend to take action.”

Help a Depressed Friend: Don’t Underplay or Overplay the ProblemNot taking your depressed friend’s problem seriously – for example, telling her to just snap out of her blue mood or suggesting she has nothing to complain about – often will only distance her from you, Bonior warns.

“Someone who is depressed wants to be able to count their blessings, but they just can’t at this time,” she says.

It’s equally unhelpful to overdramatize their depression.

“Don’t turn it into something that makes it seem like they’re going crazy,” Bonior warns. “Instead, show empathy, but try to treat her as you would any friend.”

Is one of your close confidantes suddenly and inexplicably irritated all the time? Is she canceling plans, getting quiet in conversations and generally not her cheery self? It could be clinical depression – which means that even though she’s grumpier than usual, you need to stay closer than ever. Here are 7 tips for helping a depressed friend...

Help a Depressed Friend: Offer Practical HelpSometimes people with clinical depression can barely get out of bed in the morning – let alone find a psychologist on their insurance plan with time for an appointment. So offer to help them track down a therapist and schedule an office visit. Then offer to drive them there and sit in the waiting room.

Handling the details will help them overcome perceived obstacles, says Bonior.

“If someone is wondering, ‘Where am I going to park?’ or ‘How am I going to get there?’ that’s one more hurdle [to seeking treatment],” she adds. “Don’t let these keep them from getting the help they need.”

Help a Depressed Friend: Don’t Allow BroodingSomeone who’s depressed will have a tendency to ruminate out loud – especially to a friend who will listen.

Listen to your friend a bit, but make the primary focus of your time together a pleasurable activity and avoid ruminating over negative thoughts.

Is one of your close confidantes suddenly and inexplicably irritated all the time? Is she canceling plans, getting quiet in conversations and generally not her cheery self? It could be clinical depression – which means that even though she’s grumpier than usual, you need to stay closer than ever. Here are 7 tips for helping a depressed friend...

If she’s asking for advice, don’t shut her down, but also encourage your friend to shift focus, Ilardi advises.

He advises friends to say: “I’m not sure talking about it more will be helpful. Let’s go on a walk, play cards or paint the patio furniture.”

Physical activity is best. Walking briskly for 30 minutes three times a week helps alleviate depression, according to landmark 1999 research by Duke University. Researchers at the University of Georgia also found that exercise increases brain chemicals that lower stress.

Is one of your close confidantes suddenly and inexplicably irritated all the time? Is she canceling plans, getting quiet in conversations and generally not her cheery self? It could be clinical depression – which means that even though she’s grumpier than usual, you need to stay closer than ever. Here are 7 tips for helping a depressed friend...

“Both talk about how you can retrain yourself by challenging negative ways of thinking,” Bonior says.

Is one of your close confidantes suddenly and inexplicably irritated all the time? Is she canceling plans, getting quiet in conversations and generally not her cheery self? It could be clinical depression – which means that even though she’s grumpier than usual, you need to stay closer than ever. Here are 7 tips for helping a depressed friend...

Could You Be Depressed?Like Picasso, everyone goes through a “blue period” from time to time. But if you’re depressed, you are experiencing more than just the occasional bad mood or terrible day. Depression affects 20 million people in any given year and is a serious enough disorder to compromise one’s ability to function normally day to day. Find out if you’re just blue or if you might be clinically depressed.

The information contained on www.lifescript.com (the "Site") is provided for informational purposes only and is not meant to substitute for advice from your doctor or health-care professional. This information should not be used for diagnosing or treating a health problem or disease, or prescribing any medication. Always seek the advice of a qualified health-care professional regarding any medical condition. Information and statements provided by the site about dietary supplements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration and are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. Lifescript does not recommend or endorse any specific tests, physicians, third-party products, procedures, opinions, or other information mentioned on the Site. Reliance on any information provided by Lifescript is solely at your own risk.

Lifescript.com is now a part of Everyday Health, Inc., and will continue to provide its users with great content and communications through EverydayHealth.com. Please note, Lifescript.com will soon redirect to EverydayHealth.com.