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Saturday, April 16th 2011

8:48 AM

Why Underrated Men Do Not Get Laid (Paul Carrick Brunson Remix)

NOTE: Earlier this week, I chimed in on a discussion started by Champ over at Very Smart Brothas on a recent Essence magazine article written by "live-action Hitch" matchmaker Paul Carrick Brunson. I've registered my views of Mr. Brunson before on both VSB and here at the O-Files insofar as assisting Brothas to get into the Game of Love. The following takes things a step further in that regard, with my "remixing" his article into more Game-appropriate and relevant terms.

One of VSB's regular readers and commenters, one Ms. Keisha Brown, passed along my commentary to Mr. Brunson himself; he comments on them on his Facebook page, along with several other readers. If you're interested in seeing what he has to say, definitely go and hit him up. We here at the O-Files would like to thank Ms. Brown for being the go-between! *tips Kangol*

Hello Champ, Everyone,

I’m a bit late to the dance, so I trust you all won’t hold that against me.

You know, we’ve discussed Mr. Brunson before, and if you will kindly recall, I said back then that he was NOT what I consider someone who was in business to actually help Brothas on the outside of life looking in. Nor is he in any way alone – back in Feb of this year, I made the point that “self-help” books and the like do not cater to the interests or needs of Men, in large part because Men do not buy them. Women, on the other hand, buy self-help books and the like quite a bit, and so it makes sense for people in the “self-hep business” to go where the money is.

But that doesn’t help out the aforementioned Brothas though.

I put it like that because the one area of “self-help” that has actually made a dent – and yes I am talking about the Seduction/Pickup Artist Community – is virtually all White. And please don’t get me wrong, I have nothing but admiration for what those guys have accomplished, against all the odds. They are and continue to remain a true inspiration to me personally. But it’s just that, well, Race and Culture, they matter – at least in the USA it does. So, as a Black Man, I was struck by how virtually nothing out there was geared to help Brothas out.

PCB’s recent article in Essence magazine, is yet another case in point as to why he really isn’t in the business of helping Black Men who are the brown equivalents of Mystery’s students out – as I’ve said, he goes where the money is, which I can’t blame him for, since it is what it is, and he is by no means alone (Steve Harvey instantly comes to mind; and even here at VSB, it has been documented that 55% of your readership is female) – but that really does nothing to help the guys out. Since it seems that I’m one of the very few Brothas who either knows better or seems to give a dang about em, here is my remix of Brunson’s Essence piece:

Why Underrated Men Do Not Get Laid

1. The availability of single Men is about the truth of Evolutionary Psychology, which holds that eggs are expensive and sperm is cheap, ie, Men as a rule are expendable, Women are not. This is why to this day you do not and are likely never see Women go on the battlefield or rush into burning buildings (quick, name me the female versions of Pat Tillman or rattle off about half a dozen names of female firefighters lost on Sep 11? I’ll wait). Human history has always recorded the fact that about twice as many Women have had kids as Men. Because of the way Women are wired over tens of thousands of years, and because they are scarce resource (yes, p*ssy ain’t easy to come by for most Men), neither they nor Men (who are natural competitors for Women) are going to wring their hands too much as to why the single lame dudes aren’t getting any; heck, in the USA, they don’t even want you to be able to legally hire Ho’s to do the job. Barring you becoming incredibly famous, ridiculously wealthy or becoming an astute student of GAME, you can and will live out your remaining days in quiet desperation, working it out with the hand – yours.

2. Women want height in a Man for the same reason we want a Woman with a pretty face and a banging booty – because both are hardwired into us back when we were kicking it on the African Savannah. However, BOTH in our time are no longer necessary to ensure the perpetuation of our species; if you don’t believe me, hit up any hospital maternity ward. There, you will be assailed with all manner of stompdown ugly Women having stompdown ugly babies. Back in the day, youth and beauty in a Woman was a cue as to her reproductive fitness; for a Man back then, his height was a cue as to his fighting and survival prowess. Shorter Men will have NO problem out there in the modern day SMP (sexual marketplace) IF they know, understand and wield, tight GAME, which simply means, psychosexual dominance. More than mere looks alone, it is this above all else, that is irresistable to the vast majority of Women out there (including those reading these words right now). In fact, a confident shorter Man can and often will trump a Man who only has height alone, and can even surpass a taller Man with confidence. Why? Because by signalling strong confidence you are also signalling that you know how to handle yourself, which is even harder for you to do than the taller guy. Women are wired to get with the guy who has higher S&R value then their own. This explains why you’ll often see short guys with gals much taller with them. Remember what Yoda said: “Size matters not”.

3. It may indeed be true that shy and introverted guys might be TNT in the sack, but if no one knows who they are or if they even exist, it all goes for naught. Brunson cannot possibly know anything about Game or he’s doing one heck of a snowjob on his female clients, because anyone who is steeped in the Venusian Arts knows well that Women, ESPECIALLY BEAUTIFUL ONES almost never approach a Man first – especially the Shy Guys. Why? BECAUSE THEY DON’T HAVE TO. They are constantly bombarded by guys all the time – why should they take special time out to hit up that dude over in the corner? For who? For what? Shy guys need to get out of their own heads, learn how to communicate just how they’re interesting to the ladies and start doing no less than 50 approaches a day, seven days a week until they get used to talking to Women in strange settings. If they have any idea that Women of any consequence (meaning: 5 or higher on the attractiveness scale) is going to listen to what Brunson says and starting hitting them up, I’ve got some really great bridgefront property in Brooklyn for em real cheap. In Nature, Males display, and Females choose – and that’s true for even the more modestly attractive ladies, too. Learn how to approach.

4. Women will not hit up an otherwise ordinary looking (or worse) guy. Water seeks its own level, and Beautiful Women tend to seekout Men who also standout in some conspicuous way. Instead of trying in utter futility to get Women to go against their programming Brunson should be hipping Guys with No Flava to the Wonderful World of Peacock Theory. The end.

6. Black Mother-Son relationships are especially fraught with all manner of Freudian Oedipal stuff, and one cannot blame any Woman from wanting to steer clear of that if she can help it.

7. Long distance relationships are not only a timesuck and expensive, they almost never work. Great for flings, Pump & Dumps, FWBs and the like, but I’ve yet to see one actually work out along the lines of actually being a couple. Not worth the effort, DOA all day, everyday.

8. Being without a gig can be the best thing that’s happened to a Brotha in terms of his love life is concerned; I have always maintained that the BEST time to learn and hone your Game skills is when your wallet is kinda light, because all too often, the first and easiest thing for Men to do is fall back on “Wallet Game”, which is the worst kind of Game a Man can have. Not only is it fundamentally weak, but Women can and will do for themselves, especially Sistas, who are keen to remind anyone within earshot of this fact. Your best seductions should be times when you’ve barely got a Grant in your pocket.

9. Contrary to Politically Correct popular opinion in our time, being an older Man is no bar to success out on the SMP and is in fact an enhancement; being too young, for a guy on the other hand, can definitely be a handicap to overcome, and that’s even when it comes to Gaming Cougars and the like. It’s easier for an older Man to date “down” agewise than it is for a younger Man to date “up”, and this is due again to the truths unearthed by Evo-Psych. Younger Men as a rule infer that they have less status and less experience, whole an older Man infers that he has both.

10. Man-Boobs are a no-no, and no Woman of any consequence is gonna go for that one; Brunson needs to be ashamed of himself for trying to palm off that one. Women can get away with being a bit overweight especially since most Brothas like themselves some thick Sistas anyway. Brothas on the other hand looking like they could use a Playtex brassiere? Uh-uh. Hit the track, hit the gym, tote that barge, lift that bale and lose the weight, round boy. You don’t have to be Tyrese cut or Lou Ferrigno buff, but you should be able to see your belt buckle when you look down. If you can do that, you’re good to go.

11. There’s a reason why Thugs exist, and that’s because quite a few Sistas want them to, despite how much some of them may protest to the contrary. It’s definitely an acquired taste for the ladies, or perhaps a once in awhile thing; in any event, Going Caveman has and will always work, because again, it harkens back to our times in the caves. If you’re a more rough and ready type, don’t sweat it, do you. Chances are you’re doing far and away better than Mr. Man-Boobs, Brotha Shy-Guy and the rest of the Black Men who can’t get laid if they’re life depended on it.

Caveman strategy is weak unless you are doing it with a woman who has already agreed to go to bed with you. Otherwise it shows you have no game at all. Reference "Play or be Played" Mr. Rashaad. I've heard it works on chickenheads, but if you want them, you don't need a whole lot.

Cougars, if they look good enough can get lots of younger men. Especially if they make it known that they are cougars. Because celebrities have made it acceptable and even cool for younger men. So the social stigma is all but vanished. And I'm not just talking opinion, my dear.

@WC,
I think you're conflating two different things, that which I wrote about younger Man above, and that which I wrote about "Cavemen". The two weren't meant to be "mixed" although of course in the realworld the two can indeed overlap.

I think the hardest chicks to Game are the Around the Way Girls, for reasons that I've laid out in my NBA All Star Weekend post, and my more recent post offering the views of Scipio Africanus on the differing types of Sistas out there.

From what I've both seen and experienced, it's always gonna be easier for an older Man to date "down" agewise than it is for a younger Man to date "up agewise, for Evo-Bio/Psych reasons. Women tend to want status in a mate, all things being equal, and age is correlated with social status. A rough proxy to be sure and often an imprecise one, but a proxy nonetheless.

As for the celeb thing with Cougars and the like, didn't Demi Moor run into a bit of trouble with Ashton Kutcher? And didn't Halle Berry run into trouble with her Baby Daddy - which has since gotten really, really ugly?