A guy walked into a crowded bar waving his unholstered pistol and yelled, "I have a 45 caliber Colt 1911 with a seven round magazine plus one in the chamber and I want to know who's been sleeping with my wife.”
A voice from the back of the room called out, "You need more ammo!”

One Vacancy in Heaven
Stormy Daniels and Queen Elizabeth went to the Pearly Gates on the same day. They both met with an angel to find out if they would be admitted to Heaven​.
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The angel said: "Unfortunately, there's only one space available in Heaven today so I must decide which one of...