This section is somewhat about us and
features revisionist world history, various fabrications about the origen of our
firm and certain "unprovable facts" about our founder along with other stories.

The Car Party

"It’s difficult to get a man to understand something when his salary depends on
his not understanding it." -Upton Sinclair

Business websites are probably not
supposed to publicly get into controversial areas like politics and public
affairs but we decided
ignore reality and start up our own political party called:

"The Car Party"

Some of our slogans are:

Make America Scottish Again!

Vegetarian Haggis in every pot!

Sheep are great!

You can freely join the Car Party but
before doing so, do something extra and read all about it.

We were driven hard to found the car
party because
not enough Posidrive attention is being given to car enthusiasts by the shifty
automatic hypocritical political airbags that undercoat our chassis and liter
the highways and we are not going to be mufflered
without loudly whining any longer.

The Car Party is not Liberal, Conservative
or Libertarian. We are not Commies, Anarchists, Totalitarians, Trumpets, Whigs,
Monarchists or Dictators ( except for 1934 Studebaker Dictators) either.

We prefer to be thought of as
Preservatives because we like to preserve things like old cars and also enjoy
preserves of all kinds on our breakfast buns and sometimes we still like to peel
out.

Perhaps annoyed by the Car Parties
accelerating popularity in meaningless polls, the boring virtually brain
dead self serving political parties that have been powered for far too long want to muffler or
tire us up and essentially lock washer us down. But before such a thing
happens--

1. We demand that car manufacturers keep
making quality parts for their models for 152 years.

2. We demand that all engines and
transmissions on new cars continue to have dip sticks yet also demand that dip
sticks not be allowed to drive cars.

3. We demand that computers no longer
operate the throttle on new cars although the way some people drive this might
be a good thing so we are open to negotiation on #3 but won't compromise until
#1 and #2 go our way.

4. We demand that a healthy percentage of
fast and beautiful cars be named after dogs.

Such as:

A Ferrari Border Collie or a Mercedes
Benz Dachshund or a Bentley Joe Cocker Spaniel or perhaps

a Rolls-Royce Siberian Phantom or an Aston Martin
Mix.

5. We want chrome bumpers back.

6. We demand that car stereos look much
like they did in the 1960's and 1970's with cool push buttons and knobs. Skip
the digital distractions.

7. We demand that spare tire wheels be
the same size as the road wheels.

8. We demand that no car part be priced
higher than the value of the car after the car has depreciated for 10 years.

9. We demand that all aftermarket parts
be made to the original quality or better than the original makers and that
inferior quality parts can't be sold anywhere except inside the Kilauea volcano
near the Hawaii Volcano Observatory with the exception that they can be sold to
anyone we don't like.

10. The Car Party likes lots of
horsepower and lots of horses. Many wild horses live on the public lands that
are owned by
all US citizens. The U.S. Bureau of Land Management is a government entity long
renowned for making very bad decisions because the people appointed to run it by
various Presidents are usually sycophants that give a lot of money to
Presidential campaigns so the donors will be appointed to powerful positions that
allow them to promote policies that make them money. This is called give a
little and take a lot. The BLM does a roundup of wild horses that are living on
our public lands using helicopters and fuel that are paid for by US taxpayers.
This is a very bad thing to be doing with public funds. Herding horses with
helicopters is just disgusting. No real cowboy would do that.

These beautiful horses that were once
free to live and roam are now sold at auctions and mostly shipped to Mexico to
be painfully and inhumanely slaughtered and the meat shipped to Europe or Asia as some people
like to eat horses. Without wild horses living freely on our public lands,
free just to live and be horses, we are all diminished. We as a society gain nothing from
slaughtering horses so why do it for the tax money subsidized money making
benefit of a few?

The U.S. Bureau of Land Management or BLM
has violated their own protocol of waiting until mid-August (after foaling
season) to begin these horrible helicopter roundups. The BLM roundup last year
resulted in the deaths of 21 horses due to dehydration and exhaustion. The BLM
is moronically planning to do the same thing and thousands of horses and burros
are slated for "removal" in California, Colorado, Oregon, Nevada, Wyoming and
Utah all paid for with tax dollars. The USA and many states are going broke due
to long term mismanagement and over spending yet spend tax payer money to abuse
and kill wild horses living on our public lands. This situation is clearly
stupid and the Car Party wants such policies stopped.

Call on the Interior Department and
President Trump to
halt the BLM's summer roundups and contact Senators and Congress representative
to use their appropriation authority to strip funding for this abusive practice.
Congress says they want to save money? Oh yeah, surely they do? They should start by stripping funding
for the BLM roundups.

Also support the S.A.F.E. Act to end the
prospect of horse slaughter ever returning to our country and to stop the
transport of our horses to slaughter in Mexico and Canada. Click
here to take action now!

We are going to intensely question all
potential political candidates that seek our highly coveted Car Party
endorsement. Candidates must directly answer the following questions
without using blank or shifty stares.

A. Can you spell automobile?

B. Can you spell automobile backwards?

B.2 Define what selibomotua mean to
the future of humanity.

B.3 Do you think most undecided voters are stupid,
vapid or rabid?

C. How many cylinders does a Aston Martin
DB4 have?

D. How many cylinders does a Jaguar XJ40
have?

E. How many cylinders does a Triumph TR7
have?

F. What is the sexual orientation of a
Maserati Biturbo Spyder?

G. Should Maserati Biturbo's be allowed
to get married and enjoy the same rights as cars without a turbo?

H. Does the candidate support the
Preservation of wild horses and burros or does the candidate support the roundup
and slaughter of wild horses and burros?

To start a politically Preservative car party in your area,
just get on with it.

Oilileaks

Our website will continue to publish any
secret diplomatic cables we can obtain on how to stop engine oil and fluid leaks
no matter which government agency threatens to stop us or listen to our phone
calls.

Ok so truthfully no government agency has
threatened us yet and they hopefully don't know we exist except when we file a
tax form late or something. We surely don't have the notoriety of Wikileaks
but at least we do not have the Russians, the CIA, Gestapo or Scotland Yards of the world
after us unless they want parts for their Aston Martin, Bentley or Rolls Royce
spy cars and while we do sell silencers to anyone, they are a part of exhaust
systems.

There have been questions about the existence of the Book
of Mac and a monk by the name of Cheese almost since the Age of Jazz began. It
is said that the fabled book was bound in Fleetwood and was rumoured to have
been either secretly hidden or hidden secretly by monks of the Theolonious order
in a small Scottish cave known to a few to have the perfect humidity for aging
cheeses as well as having great acoustics for the playing of bagpipes. The
location of the cave has never been revealed by the monks because they are
ornery and just won't do it. This said, the following story is to be found
within the Book of Mac and revealed elsewhere should it ever surface in a
legitimately recognized fashion. How we came to have these passages of the book
is unknown even to us and we would not tell anyway. As some of the passages were
illegible, we just made up the missing parts and added other stuff as we went
along sort of like the Epic Tale of Gilgamesh and other great legends.

It is
true enough but not completely so that according to scarcely known nor
generally accepted ancient Greek lore that after sorting out a method and
formula of wine making techniques and after a nice quantity was made,
Hephaestuscot much too quickly consumed a great quantity of retsina wine
while sitting near the shores of the Mediterranean Sea during a visit to the
Island of Crete during which a violent sea storm suddenly came upon him.
Between gusts of drenching rain and billowing winds, Hephaestuscot
MacClymondsvitzoupolous was enticed by the Greek party god Dionysus to sing
a story that became the premise to the iconic fable of the Odyssey whilst
his old pal and drinking buddy Homer quietly listened nearby.

In exchange for the
free entertainment, Mac begged the gods of Olympus for a hot girlfriend with whom he could
share his songs of travel quest and recipes for vegan souvlaki. Long were
his prayers unanswered yet eventually the goddess Athena, perhaps tiring of
his lonely and pathetic pleadings decided to kill him for a little
bit of amusement. Assuming the form of a pure white panther, She descended from
Olympus to the island of Crete and eventually moved towards her prey. Athena’s
unblinking eyes were a hypnotic yellow with swirling golden flecks within
tiny whirlpools that surrounded deep black vertical slits of pupils. She
might have gotten the idea for the eyes after reading the Sirens of Titan by
Kurt Vonnegut yet no one
knows for sure because Kurt had not made an appearance yet. The golden flecks swirling in her eyes reflected the light of the sun in a magical
manner as She waited nearby until Mac walked past whilst on his way to the
rocky cliffs to sing yet another passage of his songs of love.

Quietly and
unseen, she followed. Reaching edge of the cliffs, Athena strode beside him
and together they stood side by side at the cliffs edge. The beautiful beast
and the song man were a sight to behold but no one saw them other than the
gods in the heavens. Mac finished singing his latest verses and slowly
lowered his outstretched arms. Feeling something furry with the fingers of
his left hand and with eyes wide shut he gently rubbed the big cats head.
Athena found that she quite enjoyed his touch and decided then and there not
to kill him. She granted his request for a girlfriend and knew that not just
any girl would do for this man of love songs and nice fingers. Athena
enjoying the guise of the panther turned away and disappeared into the tall
grasses that grew behind the cliffs. Long she searched. Long she
hunted. Many days passed before she noticed a beautiful young girl bathing in a
clear blue stream. Long hair as black as night
the girl had with eyes that seemed as deep a blue as the Mediterranean
seas. The young maiden’s great beauty might have rivaled Athena’s own to a
human eye and a
jealous and vengeful goddess Athena was. The great panther of Athena crept slowly
towards the stream while never taking her eyes off the girl in the waters.
Perhaps she would strike the girl down and rip her to pieces or perhaps not.
As the goddess gazed into the young maidens face she noticed a small scar
that traveled down the girls left cheek, a minor but life saving imperfection that saved the
girls life.

Ride Around
Anne-Oupolous felt
a presence, a something that she had never experienced before. Looking
towards the shore for what she did not yet know. After a time she saw the
beautiful white panther calmly staring back at her. The golden flecked swirling eyes
of the big cat transfixed her. The girls body could not move yet her long
black hair twirled in the waters much like a fishtail. Time itself seemed to
slow and perhaps it did as Chronos and Athena had a long relationship that
we shan't speak about here. The panther goddess soon spoke using no sounds, her
unblinking golden eyes never leaving the young girls blue eyes.
Athena then changed into a two tone Silver Cloud and flew back to Olympus.
Somewhat stunned by the encounter with a magical being the young girl
swam towards the shore unsure of what had just happened. Her name was
Ride Around Anne-Oupolous and she knew she was in love but with whom
she did not yet know. She sat down and waited on the shore thinking about
what had just transpired. She began drawing pictures in the sand of a man standing on
a cliff with outstretched arms without kowing why she knew that find this guy she must.

In the
meanwhile back on the cliff, unbeknownst to MacClymondsvitzoupolous, Homer
surreptitiously wrote down all the verses when his not so good friend was
not looking which was often enough as Mac was falling down with drink at the
time. This is likely where cliffs notes came from. The winds were wild with wonder
that day with dark storm clouds twisting churning swirling and rapidly
forming and just as rapidly deforming the many faces of the Greek gods as
they peered down from high in the heavens. The super beings were
entranced from listening intently to Mac as he sang the story that many of
them were involved in.

Imagine if you will that MacClymondsvitzoupolous himself with his long locks
of remaining hair blowing loosely in the winds was standing and literally
hanging ten off the very edge of the sheer rock face cliff. This vision is
surely what could have inspired modern day surfers to hang ten toes off the
noses of their surfboards.

The
waves below MacClymondsvitzoupolous were stirred to a boiling froth by the
turbulent wind whipped seas that crashed like massive cymbals against the
barnacle and almond encrusted rocks. Great amounts of sea spray from the
turbulent waters was flung into the air drenching the sheer rock face
of the cliffs below his feet. Mac spread his arms and reaching
for the heavens, sang the pilot version of the Odyssey for the great Gods of
Greece. Poseidon arose from the roiling seas and joyously slapped his
scaly hands together as the end of each verse was punctuated in riotous
harmony with massive thunderous lightning bolts thrown down from Olympus by
an angry yet laughing Zeus. All of this stuff has been found painted on
countless ancient Grecian vases that were stolen by early British and French
looters, now known as explorers, and are now supposedly secreted in museum
vaults so that modern day history is not, well, upset. Maybe Wikileaks will
eventually reveal something meaningful about it all.

It is widely believed by
some scholars with their own agendas that the
famous winged and now headless statue of the Victory of Samothrace on view
in the Louvre Museum in Paris was probably created from inspiration from
Mac's inebriated performance on that now very ancient day. As Mac completed
his wondrous tale and the storm and seas grew bored and eventually subsided,
he fell asleep for sixteen days. Homer spent the time leisurely
ransacking the Mac's nearby Cretian vacation cave and found a rough draft of
MacClymondsvitzoupolous's epic poem of the Iliad that was written in some
15000 lines of dactylic hexameters that was not so well hidden. Homer
decided to run off to the Peloponnesus mountains and proclaimed both stories
as his own once he figured out how to read and interpret 15000 lines of
dactylic hexameters.

This was the first Home Run in unrecorded history. Truly it was.

Homer was a
trusted friend that betrayed all that knew him sooner or later and some say that
he was an ancestor of Brutus and Benedict Arnold but who really cares about that
now? Not knowing about this theft, Hephaestuscot went back to his workshop
known as MacClymondsvitzoupolous Billions of Cart Parts & Tasty Vegan Treats
Company that was located in the shadows of the Temple of MaCoupolis. The temple
was renamed the Temple of Acropolis a few hundred years later. He did not find
out about Homer's theft of his tales for 47 years as news traveled slowly in
those days as they only had fishing nets and no internets. The two men
never did get along well after Homer began getting rich selling selling papyrus
copies of the Iliad and the Odyssey.

In an angry
snit, Hephaestuscot MacClymondsvitzoupolous II shortened his name to Scot
MacClymondsvitz II and bid a not so fond farewell to the land and gods of the
Greeks. He packed up his rare convertible special order 32 horse drawn Trojan
cart with extra chrome down the sides and little nymphs painted on the hood and
moved to an area then dominated by the ferocious, hard partying and heavily
tattooed Celtic Tribes in a faraway land that would much later become the Czech
Republic. On the way, he saw a girl walking down the dusty road eating peanuts
and banging a large bronze gong. She was dirty and sweet as she was built like a
car with a hubcap diamond star halo. She
was just the girl he was looking for.

Ride Around Anne-Oupolous
heard the cart coming and as it came closer, she banged her gong, turned around and there he was.
The man that had been in her dreams since the panther that had turned into a
Silver Cloud had changed her life was now driving down the winding road.
MacClymondsvitzoupolous asked in song if she wanted to ride around as he was on
his way to a faraway land. She looked over his ride, banged her gong and said. "
Hey, let's get it on."

Scot then asked her what she
wanted to be.

Says she, "Baby can't you
see? I want to be famous a star on the Theater of Samothrace.

He says, "Movies have not
been invented yet but baby, you can drive my cart.

And maybe I'll love you as my
prospects are good.

Working for peanuts is all very fine but I can show you a better
time.

Says she, Listen babe I've
got something to say.

I got no cart and it's breaking my heart but now I've
found a driver and thats a start.

And away they went and she
became known through the lands as Ride Around Anne as all she wanted to do was
ride around.

Arriving
somewhere in Europe, whilst a
pre-Czech and not when selling cart parts, Scot lovingly concocted and brewed a
delicious plum brandy called Slivovitz, named after his 44th son with
Ride Around Anne-oupolous.
A few hundred years later, the exact date is unclear as no one cared, the
MacClymondsvitz clan gave away the recipe for Slivovitz and moved with the
Celtic tribes migration west to the northern shores of an insignificant little
island with mostly bad weather and again shortened their family name, this time
to MacClymonds. As the northern parts of this little island had not yet been
named by anyone that spoke his languages, the currant Laird of the MacClymonds
clan proclaimed the land to be Scotland naming it after the long linage of
Scotty's beginning with the mythical and mystical founder of the family
from the ancient days of yore and gore, the even more rightly done
Hephaestuscotty MacClymondsvitzoupolous I, the inventor of the first independent
suspension used for high speed 12 horse Chariot racing.

On the way to the future
lands of Scotland, MacClymondsvitzoupolous wandered through the city states that
much later became modern day Italy. So as not to attract undue attention whilst
traveling in these Roman lands , he changed his name to I. Scotticus.
While visiting Firenze, in the inner city square he came across a young
struggling artist by the name of Leo da Vinci, a poor but somewhat talented
street artist that was struggling with a conceptual image that he was trying to
draw. The two chatted for a while about architecture, wine and various
philosophical design questions of the day and after a few bottles of cheap red
wine, agreed that all things should be solid, useful and beautiful. A
detailed observer, Leo looked deep into soul of Mac and drew a picture of a man
within a circle with his arms outstretched. This drawing became known to a few
as the "MacClymondsvitzoupolous
Man" , The name of the drawing was later changed to "Vitruvian Man"
by an unknown Roman that liked a guy called Vitruvius and this later name stuck
through the ages even though plainly wrong to anyone in the square that day.

According to family legends
that are based entirely on unverifiable hearsay, the famous circle of stones
that are known these days as Stonehenge was actually designed and built by the
MacClymondsvitzoupolous clan as they simply liked to build large structures from
large stones to party and eat haggis with the Picts when the stars were in just
the right places. A well known rune was sung in the ancient days by a family
group of rock rollers that for several generations were responsible for moving
the massive stones into position. This group was called the Rolling Rocks and
arguments can be made that this band's name is surely where the term rock and
roll must have originated. Their most well known song is loosely translated from
ancient Celtic as " Everybody must get some Stones."

A descendant
of MacClymondsvitzoupolous founded the first commercial distillery for Highland
Malt Whiskey essentially for his own use although it is relatively true
that he sold a few drams on a regular basis to local pubs and individuals like
Robert the Bruce that never paid their bill completely and to this day there is
nothing else on earth like a fine Highland Malt Whiskey other than a great
Slivovitz Brandy unless someone brings out a bottle of nicely aged smooth Kentucky
bourbon. The slogan inscribed on each malt whiskey cask was:

"
" Tis far better to drink it all now rather than later ."

The family never made much
money from their distilleries as family members drank up the profits and thus
unknowingly began one of the first great Scots traditions of drinking the
profits before the English taxmen robbed them to further enrich the coffers of the
English kings and queens. A matriarch of the MacClymonds clan, Anne of Smooths
whose nickname was Plaid thought that fierce and manly men with great hairy legs
and knobbly knees would look even more fierce if they were to be dressed in skirts so she wove one for
her husband to wear thus beginning yet another tradition, the wearing of the
Scottish Plaid Kilt.

In
the olde days when the Scots were not trying to kill English tax collectors they were
usually stealing each others horses which sometimes led to clan wars if the
horse was especially handsome or winsome. Kilt the noun was actually
derived from the slaughter of many clans in Scotland that were mostly kilt in
the tribal wars begun by the bloodiest of all the clans, the Campbell's of Soup
County. The bloody Campbell clan began these wars because they could not obtain
enough MacClymonds Highland Malt whiskey and had to make do with lousy and
usually spoilt British grog. The British made some great cars but their grog
always left them in a bad humor and they refreshed themselves by torturing the
Scots when they could catch one. Thus the term "groggy" came to be when one was
feeling out of sorts. Whilst their fellow family members were better
at brewing, drinking and carousing than doing the Braveheart fighting against
the English kings, the MacClymonds clan traded their distillery for a massive
wooden boat. The entire clan along with sixteen hundred fine dogs and a herd of
cats of every known description sailed for what would eventually become the Americas
as there can be only one Scotland.

The clan
arrived well before the infamous Italian fraud Columbus meandered over the
Atlantic looking for gold for his Spanish masters wars and the clan supposedly
had some fine parties with the blond and blue eyed Norse men and women that were
exploring the frozen northern areas of the continent but this last bit cannot be
documented. Thus the family does not celebrate Columbus Day and considers it an
historical travesty and a day of infamy equal to December 7th because not everyone gets the day off.
Rumor still has it that several male members of the clan split off, changed
their name to MacClymondsvitzoupolouson and stayed with the Norsewomen because blonds
have more fun according to blonds and besides, the Norse were great skiers and
have a cold and dry sense of humor. According to unreliable Norse legends
to this day there are MacClymondsvitzoupolouson's still living somewhere in the
Norwegian mountains driving old SAAB Sonnets, Daf Variomatics and Volvo 122S
cars but there have been no documented sightings of any of them for a very long
time.

As you might
have garnered by now, the MacClymonds automotive heritage and direct
experience with wheeled vehicles extends over some 2900 years at the very least
and the Scotty that works today for the firm carries on that tradition. Surely
no other automotive business can or perhaps should be silly enough to make such
a claim as we have already done so. Prior to 800 BC, scholars have so far been
unable to verify much but are seeking access to certain Egyptian
hieroglyphics, now in the Cairo Museum that were found behind a wall within a looted
tomb somewhere near the ancient Valley of the Kings. These
glyphs supposedly describe in an inscribed section that was partially damaged by
tomb robbers, a reference to a MacClymondsvitzoupolous-Amun-Ho-Tep riding in a
chariot with his arm around a hot looking blue eyed brunet Norsewoman with long hair while
being chased by a pack of three headed dogs with cats on their backs wearing
rats for hats and this is a fact.

We claim all
these stories to be true because anyone has long passed into duct that could
reasonably remember otherwise and any evidence to the contrary has long since
gone into
the darkest of shadows. Besides, we would not believe contrary evidence anyway
because we simply don't want to.

Some recently discovered
archeological finds in Lebanon seems to show that a MacClymondsvitzoupolous
branch of the family was involved in the making of olive oil some 2000 years
ago. It seems that this MacClymondsvitzoupolous was sitting under an olive
tree and a branch full of ripened olives fell on his head knocking him right
out. As he lay unconscious, a trickle of olive oil that came from some
crushed olives in the branches made it's way onto his lips. Awakening, the
Mac awoke to the wonderful taste of fresh olive oil and knew he was onto
something great. This land was inhabited by the Hattians at the time
although it is not known if the MacClymonsvitzoupoulous clan were allied
with the Hattians, an ancient tribe that inhabited these lands or the later
Hittites. Little written language remains but it is known by unknown persons
that the Mac Olive Oil Company was responsible for the export of olive oil
to points around the Mediterranean Sea as earthen vessels with a motif of
cats wearing hats have been found on the sea bottoms for many years.
So the Mac's could have been Hits but were most certainly the earliest Cats
in the Hats.

All of these
stories are ancient closely held family secrets that were never revealed until
this or some other moment.

Rewriting historical events
is usually advantageous to those doing the revising and with this long
established tradition that was initiated in the stories above we with great
relish reveal more exceedingly well varnished truths loosely mixed with general
self serving falsehoods.

And so it is and was...

that since well before the
year of 1776 our
ancestral firms were engaged in fully as well as partially restoring, servicing,
repairing and supplying parts for a vast range of vintage and current model
British wheeled vehicles.

And so it
still was

that whether
on not we were considered to be patriots or traitors depended on which side of
the Revolutionary War a person was standing and our ancestors were sort of
standing with
both sides depending on the weather. Our founding fathers and mothers used to
hang out with Thomas Paine talking long into the evenings about radical topics
like freedom from speed limits. Some people have said that Paine based his
highly inflammatory and revolutionary pamphlet "Common Sense" on those very
conversations. The work has been described by the Pulitzer-winning historian
Gordon S. Wood as "the most incendiary and popular pamphlet of the entire
American revolutionary period". Thomas Paine pushed ideas for democracy against
monarchy as well as for American independence from British rule. He did this
without knowing how very messy democracy can be.

Thus there
are people that still think that British cars are sometimes a Paine but British
car owners still stiffly wave the rules and their upper lips whenever they are
able.

Let it not
be said that if truth were to be told there is not much truth but a little in
our revisionist history to be imperfectly honest, rightly or wrongly, depending
on how a person regards the situation, namely that the British Redcoat regiments did
look rather silly just standing still in neat rows whilst awaiting for a properly
attired and trained army to fight against in the time honored manner of hand to
hand combat until the last man remained standing. This was was a stupid
way to settle an argument but that was how such matters were done. The mostly conscript troops waited in the wide open
fields, resplendent in their bright Red uniforms adorned with polished brass
buttons while the Revolutionary marksmen shot them down from vantage points
located behind trees in what was arguably the first occurrence of guerrilla
warfare. These British soldiers were known as bonkers because they usually were
walking down a street in England after leaving a pub and an enlistment agent
hiding in the darkness would try to bonk them on the head. The unconscious and
unfortunate lad would wake up with a headache on a ship far at sea and was in
the service of the
country henceforth like it or not. This sort or forced recruitment was not the
best way to instill loyalty but the royal armies of the day were not much into
volunteering in those days and wars had to be fought for the usual reasons.

A little
known and perhaps unknown fact (we love unknown facts because we can do what we
like with them until they become known and then they are semi- facts) of any era
is that our firm "loaned" (essentially he drove off when we were not
looking) to General George Washington one of our cars to battle the British Army
regiments led at the time by General Cornwallis. Corwallis was a typical
aristocrat and drank a lot ofg grog which made him quite groggy. Contrary to some sleazy tabloids
accounts of the times it was not our fault that General George on a frigid
winters night perhaps after drinking a few too many bitters, attempted to drive
across the Delaware River in our wagon which broke through the ice and sank like
a stone. Almost a frozen stiff, George was quickly rescued by a small boat (well,
the boat did not do much other than stay afloat) that was crewed by one of our
ancestors attempting to get the keys to the wagon back. This is not the famous
version commemorated by the painter Emanuel Gottlieb Leutze in 1851 that left
the rescue guys off the canvas. We never liked that painting much and we
never got proper credit for the loan of the car. Nor did we get paid for the
loss of it! John Adams mumbled something inspiring about patriotism and the
Continental Congress eventually gave our ancestors some kind of worthless writ.
Maybe the U.S. Treasury will make the writ good someday but after all this time
maybe not.

Some
200 years afterwards in the summer months of 1976 the Sport and Classic Car Company and several years later, The Billions of Car Parts
Company were pre-founded on the premise that all human beings can equally bring
their cars to and purchase their spare parts from, well, us! Once again we
were ahead of our times so as to make mention. Our two firms are and have always been
subsidiaries of a very serious and without the slightest bit of humor Texas
based corporation (with a little "c") that has in addition to restoring British cars has
recycled our waste oil, Freon, antifreeze, shipping boxes, paper, paper clips
and just about anything we are able to.

In very
recent times, we applied to the Government (all of them) for a couple of billion
bucks to "restructure". It seems that our firm has a few too many "toxic assets"
(rusted out old cars that we paid too much for with currently unknown values)
and derivatives (junk parts that fell off the toxic assets) and we will be more
than happy to sell them to anyone. We pointed out to the government officials
within earshot that just like the too big to fail Wall Street banks, we were
also to big for our britches to fail but we have not as yet received a check yet
are ever hopeful.

Now that the
US Supreme Court has ruled that Corporations, even little bitty ones like us
have the same rights as human beings concerning political fundraising, we admit
that we intend to buy as many politicians as we can afford. The problem is, most
of them are valued much like toxic assets these days so how does one know how
much to pay for a politician? Is a used politician worth more or less than a new
one? Regardless, we intend to buy left and right handed politicians and also
want the underhanded ones just to make sure. Once we have them in a pocket, our
corporation might run for President. We think this is how it
works anyway but it is confusing thinking that invented constructs like business
enterprises have some of the same rights as human beings.

Revising the
past is so much fun, let's do a little bit more!

So what was going on with
the Canadians you wonder? ( If you weren't wondering or are now wondering why
you weren't or why you should care one way or the other, this question might be
answered somewhere else on the website. On the other hand, it might not be and
if it is after all, the revelation may not actually be completely truthful.) We
should submit a script for a TV show called Newly Found and Lost Land eh?

Speaking of "eh". .

And so it really was with
the Canadiansthat a certain
pre-Texican, once again one of our remote ancestors and a member of the
clan of
MacClymondsvitzoupolous, ran away from home as a young lad and stowed away on a
Spanish galleon bound for the New World.

Bob the
Hairy MacClymondsvitzoupolous decided to
change his name to Roberto MacClymondsvitzoupolous-Hamilcar-Gomez so he would
not attract attention. He was inspired partly by Hamilcar who was a 3rd-century BC Carthaginian general,
the father of Hannibal and a dear friend of the MacClymondvitzsoupolous clan but
the Spaniards at the time were interested mostly in torturing people and making
them confess their sins so they could sincerely burn them alive at the stake and
not feel too guilty about it during the Spanish Inquisition so the Spaniards did not
closely inspect MacClymondsvitzoupolous-Hamilcar's passport papers well
enough to deny him passage or to justify the pleasure of torturing him and
making him willingly confess his sins of which there were so many in those
days.

It turns
out that this particular MacClymondsvitzoupolous-Hamilcar had once or twice upon a time, a
time when Texas was an independent nation beholden to none except to those it
owed money, offered to trade a nice car for a pair of good hockey sticks and a
couple of Canadian provinces like Saskatchewan and British Columbia.
Dutch traders got New York with some beads so why not a car for some land in the
middle of nowhere? Of course pretty much everywhere was no where then. Sounds like
a bad trade but cars were expensive and awfully scarce in those times as they
hadn't quite figured out how to make rubber tires.

According to hand written
notes found in a dog chewed hand written vellum diary stuffed into a rotten old leather
pouch with several bullet holes of varying calibers punched right through in a
tight pattern as if shot by a firing squad that was found beneath John Wayne's
body, still clutched in his right hand in the very ruins of the hallowed grounds
of the Alamo and passed down through many generations and pawnshops ( the diary)
revealed that this Texican just wanted a cool place to show off to his friends
that had lots of snow and ice around to hang out upon occasion because it's HOT
in these parts and you need a lot of ice for a cool ice tea which is after all the national drink
of Texas aside from beer.

Well somewhere in the deal
making a Canadian Consortium led by a guy by the name of Chuck Canuck accepted
the horses and four Maple saplings in trade as they wanted to ride around and
make syrup. They then decided to stick with instead sticking it to their
British King and kept their land as well as the horses and maple saplings. Now
we hold no grudges against Canadians or anyone else above the Red River due to
this very old transgression that has some doubtful merit of truth and that is a
fact but every summer we still wonder about all that nice ice.

Mexican food

Texas and Mexico have been
married for hundreds of years but the MacClymonds clan did not venture south of
the Rio Grande river in the ancient days because the Aztecs were in control and
enjoyed eating fresh and still beating human hearts that were ripped from the
chests of their unfortunate living captives. There is something about that
culinary vision that was really bad for tourism and economic development in
those days. Texans and Mexicans have fought wars and been friends for centuries
and today it's just all mixed up and everyone with any appreciation of fine
machinery loves and hates British cars anyway.

So that is the short of
it. The rest of our website is as serious as it gets.

We are overwhelmingly
serious and without the slightest bit of mirth as mandated by our Texas company
charter as all things, especially high school football, big hair, drag racing
and droughts are serious in Texas.We
sincerely give our words that not one double or two single funny things amongst
the many cold hard automotive facts will be found henceforth.

12 Volt History.

Long
ago, well before G3 cell phones or the internet had been invented or before much
of anything commercially digital was available, our founder Scotty MacClymonds
began his affection for fine automobiles and dogs as a small child riding around
in his fathers cars, a much beloved 1956 Buick Special and later when the love
faded, a 1959 Buick Invicta convertible. Scotty's first car was a very
well seasoned (really beat up) 1963 Austin Healey Sprite. This car was replaced
a few years later by a fine 1966 Austin Healey 3000 BJ8 which he still owns and
there has been a long succession of vintage British cars and Mercedes Benz in
his stable thereafter. He worked for Mercedes Benz and Lotus Cars between
semesters whilst in college in the early seventies and developed an increasing
interest for fine looking and driving cars. Thus the unusual marriage of British
cars and classic Mercedes Benz in our service bays has a certain logic.

Scotty founded the Sport
and Classic Car Company in the fall of 1976 as a full service and restoration
shop. In 1982 he opened the British Car Parts Company division that with
inspiration from the late physicist Carl Sagen, morphed into the Billions of Car
Parts Company for over the counter and galaxy wide e-commerce automotive parts
sales for Rolls-Royce, Bentley and many other British cars.

An Unexpected Journey

Scotty survived a bout
with polio
during the epidemics in the 1950's and was very surprised to discover this quark
of the fates as he awoke mostly paralyzed in an Iron Lung breathing machine when
he was about one and a half years of age. His father had taken him to a local
circus the night before and this was probably where Scotty and his "future
pre-existing condition" began a lifelong relationship.
Instead of the usual sports activities most young boys do he turned to interests
more cerebral and contemplative in nature such as pondering the philosophical
nuances of vintage British sports cars.

The polio virus is thought by many to be
eradicated and gone these days but polio is still killing and
paralyzing people, mostly small children that live in Syria, Pakistan, Nigeria and
Afghanistan. Regretfully the Taliban thinks that polio vaccination is a CIA plot
to sterilize Muslims. Taliban gunmen have murdered a number of health workers in
Pakistan.

The World Health Organization has declared the spread of
polio an international public health emergency and identified Pakistan, Syria
and Cameroon as having allowed the virus to spread beyond their borders. It
recommended that those three governments require citizens to obtain a
certificate proving they have been vaccinated for polio before traveling abroad.

Here is an example of how stupid and uncaring a
government can be about the health of their own people:

Pakistani Health Minister Saira Afzal Tarar says the WHO
restrictions will be a "heavy burden" but Pakistan is implementing
emergency measures to comply.

Pakistan, one of the poorest countries on the planet has
the money to build nuclear bombs but spending funds to prevent their children
from being paralyzed by polio is a burden.

The Bill Gates Foundation
the Rotary Club have taken on the task of completing the
eradication worldwide of polio and we say get it done and thanks a lot.

Scotty's almost lifelong goal ( since 1.5
years old ) has been to rid this world of stairs and re-educate architects and
designers that ignore accessibility in their creations and in whatever small
ways possible help make this world more accessible for all people. Scotty
produced and hosted Access This! The Disability Radio Show for four
years and the show was awarded the 2005 Barbara Jordan Media Award for featuring
a variety of people with disabilities speaking about their lives and how they
deal with a disability. The award was based on Scotty's work with the Veterans
Administration on a series of radio shows illuminating the plight of returning
wounded war veterans from the Iraq and Afghanistan wars with analysis of the
historical and social aspects of physically and mentally wounded combat soldiers
that returned home from the American Civil War and wars hence. Scotty also did a
series of shows on Atomic Veterans.

We believe that the cost of all wars USA is involved with should be paid in full
with a war tax and war bonds with no hidden costs like was done during World War
II so that all citizens are participants finacially and and no injured soldier should get short shrift due to
budget manipulating. If wars have to be fought then we as a nation should all
have to pay for whatever it takes to decisively win them and to provide quality
care for as long as they live for those that have fallen or were injured
fighting in them.

Scotty's
radio show featured music from players like Dr. John, CCR, Django Reinhardt,
Chopin, Duke Ellington, Leslie West, Les Paul, Iron Butterfly, Patty Larkin, The
Chieftains, Vladimir Horowitz and more. Prominent doctors from the private
fields, the VA and various experts spoke about what's happening in the medical
world on a featured physical or mental disability or perhaps about research into
stem cells or the sexuality of people with spinal cord injuries. Scotty
was a speaker on a Nightline episode focusing on Hurricane Katrina with Ted
Koppel questioning experts about how effective rapid response will be for
evacuating people with disabilities from disaster areas when our US government
policy emphasis cutting funding for all social programs for people that need
help such as veterans with disabilities. Military veterans and experts explained
what Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is, what happened to the veterans and how our
government is helping or not. Attorney guests explained ADA issues and legal
remedies. Politicians make remarks about laws that directly affect people with
disabilities. Scotty was appointed to the Houston Mayors Commission on
Disabilities in 2006. Disability issues are the same
issues that face anyone that lives long enough to get old enough and can happen
to anyone at anytime as life is full of enough surprises. After all, who knows
when someone will drop a Rolls-Royce engine on your foot and you will
forevermore have a pre-existing condition?