Granny State: When did I get so competitive?

'First step? So soon? How did that happen?'Credit:
ZUMA Wire/REX/Shutterstock

19 January 2017 • 7:00am

It’s swimming time again. We’re off to a good start. Rose and I are in the pool before the lesson starts (a first!) and I’ve remembered her goggles. “Today,” announces the instructress, “we’re going to be practising a very important life-saving skill.”

“Pay attention,” I whisper to my granddaughter.

“We’re going to put little ones on our backs and teach them to hold on while we swim,” chirps the instructress as though this is totally easy-peasy.

She demonstrates with a baby that already looks like a middle-aged bucolic banker who straddles her shoulder blades with ease. Everyone claps. “Teacher’s pet,” I mutter under my breath.

“Right everyone. Off you go!”

Everyone else seems to accomplish this feat with ease. Personally, I can’t work out how to get Rose onto my back without dangerously twisting her little arms. I attempt to submerge myself so I can slide her onto my back but she slips out of my grasp. Panicking, I bring her back up to the surface.

I’m mortified. Not only have I let Rose down but the underwater experience appears to have put her off. Instead of following everyone else’s example, she refuses to mount my back and instead, is hanging on for dear life to my swimming costume v-neck.

“Never mind! Let’s leave it for next time, shall we?”

I’m mortified. Not only have I let Rose down but the underwater experience appears to have put her off

Rose and I slink back to the changing room. We decide not to tell her mother that we came bottom of the class. Besides, we’ve got to rush or we’ll be late for 'Play and Stay’ (or as Newish Husband jokingly calls it, 'Play and Run Away’.

Some of Rose’s best friends are there. I’m beginning to feel really fond of these mums who have shown me the ropes. “Guess what?” says one of them. “We took our first step yesterday!”

First step? So soon? How did that happen? And – this is the crux – why isn’t Rose walking too?

“Us too!” beams another mum. “Look! There we go!”

I look with horror as this little doll teeters towards us. True – she only manages three steps but we can’t even stand unaided. “Brilliant,” I say through clenched teeth.

'We decide not to tell her mother we came bottom of the class'Credit:
Kristi Ison/REX

“It’s the baby walker. We’ve been practising! And the doll’s pram helped too.”

As soon as the session ends, Rose and I race back home so I can log onto my Amazon account.

“Not more stuff,” groans Newish Husband, peering over my shoulder. “We’re beginning to look like a professional nursery.”

“You don’t understand! We’ve got to make her walk.”

“Why?”

“Because the others have started and I don’t want her to be last.”

But Rose has other ideas. Twisting out of NH’s grasp, she reverts to speedy crawling.

“Some of them are sleeping through the night too,” I say.

“So how can we get her to do that?” he asks as if daughter and son in law haven’t been trying to do this for months.

There’s no sign of her walking solo but she looks like she’s on cloud nine

Yet it does! I want my granddaughter to be first, the top at everything....well, because I wasn’t. I think back to my days at an academic girls’ school when I was moved to the bottom maths set. Even now, I can still recall the shame.

“But look at you now,” points out NH. “It didn’t hold you back, did it?”

No, but I don’t want Rose to feel the way I did.

While we’ve been talking, our granddaughter has hauled herself up on the baby walker. She’s launching herself towards us with a broad beam on her face. There’s no sign of her walking solo but she looks like she’s on cloud nine.

“You know,” says NH who used to be quite a mover and shaker in his day. “Coming first isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. It’s happiness that counts.”

Two days later, Rose stands unaided. It’s only for a second. But I haven’t felt so excited since I got my first piece in print.

Meanwhile, we’ve been practising the 'ride on back’ routine on the quiet. Can’t wait to show off at the next swimming session....