New Liqueur Promises to Outdo even Old Four Loko

By: William Janover /
November 17, 2011 / Comments Off on New Liqueur Promises to Outdo even Old Four Loko

Remember that first story you heard about your friend trying Four Loko? He/she bounced off the walls at a party for a few hours and then woke up the next Tuesday two towns over with no pants on, right? Remember when the government took away all the good Four Loko (the caffeinated kind) before you could get at it and replaced it with just some gross overly-sugared malted drink? You might now get to have your revenge.

Agwa.

Honestly, Agwa sounds like just about the most toxic liquid on the planet. According to its web site, it’s a liqueur distilled from the coca leaf with natural energy sources like guarana and ginseng. Now, if you know a little about illicit drug trafficking, you know that this same coca leaf is used to make COCAINE. I don’t know how else to explain this to you: AGWA IS EVERYTHING POWERTHIRST WISHES IT WERE. According to Agwa’s web site, Rudyard Kipling said coca alcohol was made “from the clippings and shavings of angel wings.”

Drink Agwa and you will look and feel like this.

Internetwines.com says Agwa has a “bittersweet peppery taste with an unusual effect.” I honestly don’t know what that means, but it glows green like absinthe and could probably power a Space Shuttle, so I’m excited to hear the first story of crazy escapades ensuing from a few shots of Agwa. At only $30 a handle, it costs as much as 3.5 liters of Karkov. It’s recommended that you drink Agwa with a lime. And a defibrillator. Good luck.

Note: I swear I have not touched Agwa. I cannot comment as to whether or not it’ll turn your urine that same hue of green.

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