A Confession and A Lesson

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I was all ready to post about this little fitness segment that I had ready but something happened this weekend that has had me thinking a lot and feeling kind of bad.

S and I went to a movie. I know..that’s not ground-breaking or earth shattering but it kind of was. Call it a date night or a parental break but whatever it was it was great.

The night started with us dropping the kids off and as we drove away, I took a deep breath and tried to switch gears from parent to spouse. I tried to ignore the questions…”did I pack their pajamas?” “Did I pack enough food?”

We drove silently for a little while and then the conversation started slowly. We talked about where we were going to park, if we had time to get some food, was the movie going to be sold out..small talk.

We got to the theater early enough to sit and have a glass of wine and people watch, one of our favorite things to do together. If you know S, he’s a quiet type. We are so opposite in a lot of ways but when it comes down to it, we can sit together not saying a word and be just as happy as can be.

As the time went on, I started remembering what life was like before the kids. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE my children but for a brief moment in time, I remembered what it was like to just be a wife. To be S’s +1.

Then it hit me...the hardest part about being a parent, is remembering to be a wife.

Before we got married, we had to to got marriage classes at church and the priest said something…

“Above all else, you are a wife and above all else, you are a husband.”

At the time, I rolled my eyes, and thought quietly to myself “well, duh”, not really taking in the meaning.

When E came along, I quickly immersed myself in the role of mom and MiniE’s arrival really solidified that role. That isn’t bad but what is bad is forgetting that my kids aren’t the only ones that need a little nurturing.

S and I connected as husband and wife again, in that short three hours we had together and it was wonderful.

Looking back at what the priest said, now I get it and I’m not exactly thrilled with that sinking feeling I have in stomach but that’s about to change. We went to see American Hustle and Jennifer Lawrence’s character talked about the “Power of Intention” and while she was kind of flighty and crazy, it did stick I guess because I intend to be a better wife. S deserves nothing less.

Beer Geek and I started making sure we went out at least once a month when the kids were young. Sometimes that meant a lunch because that’s when we could find someone to watch the boys, but that was fine. Now we usually manage at least twice a month, plus we eat lunch together (we both work from home) at least twice a week. As we enter the teen years (gah!) it’s even more important to stay connected.

Love this! Don’t feel bad though. It happens to all of us. It’s easy to get lost in our many other roles. But, spouses first, children next, and everything else, after. When our children grow up and start lives of their own, I still want to be best friends with the man I committed to so many years before.

This is a beautiful post! I don’t have kids yet, but I have often struggled (especially over the past year) to focus on my role as I wife. I have often found myself swept up in surviving that the little things, our time together, all of that gets put on the back burner. This year I am committed to focusing on just being together.

I’m one of the lucky ones, in that my wife always tries to keep sight of being in a marriage in addition to running a family. (Sidebar: I noticed when she first started joining mom & tot groups like ‘Mother Goose’ that she and other mom’s got to know each other as “Bobby’s Mom” or “Sally’s Mom” without learning each other’s names! What’s up with that? You don’t lose your own identity by having kids!) Still, it makes me realize that I don’t necessarily put thought into being a good husband… I tend to glom husband/father into one bucket, in that making sure mom is cared for is good on both fronts. Still, maybe this could use some tweaking…

Well said. I too find that one of the biggest challenges of being a mother…..realizing I’m still a wife at the same time. I struggle with balance. Being aware of it, however, is a great start I suppose.

With two kids it’s hard to remember you are also a wife. My husband and I make sure we get a walk in once a week. It helps remind me of my wife status and we get to talk sans kids which is very nice and also try not to talk about kids too!

FACT. But at the same time, you are both parents and united in making sure your children are taken care of. I know the first lady is our world and always our number one priority. Part of being a good wife (or husband) is knowing that you are in it together. Sometimes it means putting the kids first. I know, as a good husband, my wife would want me to and I would like the same from her.

But having some along time is FRIGGIN sweet huh? Oh, how easily you can drift back into old routine. Cheers to that. 🙂

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I am not a licensed medical professional. All views expressed on this website are based on my own personal research and experiences. Please consult your doctor with any medical issues, or before beginning a training program.