When Charlie Sheen and Denise Richards divorced, Sheen took their two pugs (Richards owned them before they were married) so their children could play with them during visits. But since Charlie Sheen is a psychotic drug addict with no sense of responsibility or humanity, Richards began receiving phone calls that the dogs were malnourished and neglected. So, like any good pet owner, she went to his house and took them back. Not one to let any opportunity to sound like a delusional jackass, Sheen immediately took to Twitter. TMZ reports:

“We must bombard with Warlock Napalm, that traitor and loser whore #DUH -neese POOR-ARD. A VILE KIDNAPPER AND NOW DOG THIEF. HATE.”

Sheen now reportedly wants the pugs back. However, he can have only one because THE OTHER ONE FUCKING DIED.

Things became so alarming, we’re told Denise went to Charlie’s and he gave her the dogs. Sadly, one of them died of malnutrition, but the other is ok.

Admittedly, this whole Charlie Sheen was funny for about a week. Then you immediately realized he wasn’t funny, he wasn’t some evolved human being, but just a cokehead in front of a live audience. Despite making millions of dollars an episode on Two And A Half Men, he’s reportedly cash poor (whores and blow are expensive, you know) and is doing anything he can to cash in or whatever the fuck he thinks he’s doing in his cracked out, paranoid mind. If this dude lives to be 90 or is found tomorrow impaled against a tree by a trident, I really don’t care. But if somebody wants to shoot him out of a cannon into a brick wall I might watch that on YouTube.