Alice: Is that when we went to the country? To celebrate our third anniversary? Did you phone her, beg her to come back when you went for your long, lonely walks?

Daniel : Yes

Anna : You’re a piece of shit

Daniel : Deception is brutal. I’m not pretending otherwise

Anna :How? How does it work? How do you do this to someone?

Daniel : *Shrug

Anna : Not good enough.

Daniel : I fell in love with her, Alice.

Alice : Oh, as if you have no choice? There’s a moment. There’s always a moment. “I can do this, I can give in to this or I can resist it”. And I don’t know when your moment was, but I bet you there was one. I’m going

Daniel : It’s not safe out there

Anna : And it’s safe in here?

Daniel : What about your things?

Anna : I don’t need things

Daniel : Where would you go?

Anna : Disappear

I have always liked the movie Closer. Well, not always actually. I first watched it when I was a student. I was drawn to the trailer, because of the song (the soundtrack : The Blower's Daughter by Damien Rice). Then, no one wanted to watch it with me at the theater, so I waited until a network pick it up. It was shown on our campus channel.

I have to say, the first time I watched it, it didn't appeal to me that much. Other than the soundtrack, I found the movie was rather slow and the characters are too twisted that it's tiring watching them. Later though, when a lot of networks show it on their channel, I started to really watch it and started to really like it.

The movie is revolved around 4 major characters: Anna, Daniel, Alice & Larry. Daniel was with Alice when he met Anna and fell in love with her. Knowing that he has a girlfriend, Anna refused to have anything to do with Daniel. Daniel, upset with Anna's rejection, had played a prank on her by sending Larry. Anna ended up falling for Larry and they got married.

Before they got married however, Anna hosted her art gallery and met Daniel (who came with Alice) again. This time, although both were not single, were attracted to each other and started having an affair. The affair lasted even after Anna got married to Larry.

Finally, they decided to end their relationship with their partners and be together exclusively. Both Alice and Larry was hugely disappointed with this revelation and both left the relationship.

Well, the story didn't stop there. In fact, the ending was so good I keep on watching it over and over again when I was studying. When I got back to Malaysia, I keep on forgetting to download the movie. Several months ago I did, and I have been watching it ever since.

What makes it so good?

The plot is of course very interesting, a very deep look into relationships and personality. A lot of people find themselves relating to at least one of the characters.

I have always liked Alice but I relate to Anna the most. I always think Alice is the most normal ones but when I googled, I was surprised to find that a lot of people think Alice is the one that with a disturbed personality.

I've liked her because she seems secure enough and represent a strong woman. Whereas Anna, though I was relating more to her; is weak, insecure and is not able to feel happy unless she has some drama in her life. Normal life won't satisfy her.

When I have watched it again though, I agree, Alice looks normal on the surface, but she has some serious personality issues. She is actually insecure but she put a strong front. If you have watched this before, watch the early part of the movie again. Alice is walking at the start of the movie just as she walks at the end of the movie. She does that all the time. She flies when she's had enough and no one ever really know her. That's not a way to live a life.

But of course, none of the characters live a healthy lifestyle, emotionally. But they exist everyday in our life. The character might be a little exaggerated but I think a part of them exists a little bit in us without us realizing it.

You know a movie is good when you can't stop thinking about it. For the past few days, I keep on thinking, what makes the people react the way they did in this movie, even in real world. Why head there when you know it's not good for you. I am also asking this for myself. Why we do things that we do even when we know the good thing is only temporary?

In many ways, the work of a critic is easy. We risk very little yet enjoy

a position over those who offer up their work and their selves to our judgment.

We thrive on negative criticism, which is fun to write and to read. But the bitter

truth we critics must face, is that in the grand scheme of things, the average

piece of junk is probably more meaningful than our criticism designating it so.

But there are times when a critic truly risks something, and that is in the discovery

and defense of the new. The world is often unkind to new talent, new creations,

the new needs friends.

Last night, I experienced something new, an extraordinary meal from a singularly

unexpected source. To say that both the meal and its maker have challenged

my preconceptions about fine cooking is a gross understatement.

They have rocked me to my core.

In the past, I have made no secret of my disdain for Chef Gusteau's famous motto:

Anyone can cook. But I realize, only now do I truly understand what he meant.

Not everyone can become a great artist, but a great artist can come from anywhere.

-Anton Ego, Ratatouille(2007)

One of my favorite song, for no apparent reason. :)

The Feast (translation of Le Festin)

The dreams of lovers are like good wineThey give joy or even sorrowWeakened by hunger, I am unhappyStealing on my way everything I canBecause nothing in life is free.

Hope is a dish too soon finishedI am accustomed to skipping mealsA thief alone and hungry is sad enough to die (see note)As for us, I am bitter, I want to succeedBecause nothing in life is free.

Never will they tell me that I cannot shoot for the stars;Let me fill you with wonder, let me take flightWe will finally fea . . . st.

The party will finally startAnd bring out the bottles, the troubles are overI'm setting the table; tomorrow is a new lifeI am happy at the idea of this new destinyA life spent in hiding, and now I'm finally freeThe feast is on my pathA life spent in hiding, and now I'm finally freeThe feast is on my path. . . .

Monday, April 11, 2011

Quite recently I have watched this movie called Flipped. It's a cute love story of two eight graders, where the year was set in 1950s. It was based on a novel, though according to the review that the setting in the novel is more recent/ modern. Well, I guess it doesn't really matter. It's a good movie.

I wouldn't give you the spoiler but the general plot is that Juli Baker was in love with her next-door neighbor, Bryce Loski, ever since he first moved into their neighborhood when she was 5. Bryce however was annoyed with her not so subtle obsession and have been avoiding her his whole life.

Her love towards him grow as they enter their teenage life but then several incidents have happened that make them put each other in a different light. She doesnt think that he is as amazing as she always thought of him and he starting to see her as someone who's more than just his stalker neighbor. What happened at the end? Well, like I said earlier, I wouldn't give u the spoiler. U have to watch it.

Me: I don't know. I guess it's something about his eyes, or maybe his smile.

Father: What about him?

Me: What?

Father: You have to look at the whole landscape.

Me: What does that mean?

Father: The painting is more than the sum of its parts. The cow by itself is just a cow. The meadow by itself is just grass, flowers. And the sun peeking through the tree is just a beam of light. When you put them all together, then it can be..magic.

I didn't really understand what he was saying, until one afternoon while I was up on a sycamore tree. I was rescuing a kite. It was a long way up, higher than I've ever been. And the higher I got, the more amazed I was by the view. I began to notice how wonderful the breeze smell, like sunshine and wild grass. I couldn't stop breathing it in. Filling my lungs with the sweetest smell I've ever known.

Heartbreak is a nasty thing. That's why they have tons of website dedicated to help people gotten over it.Really, they should just hire my friends.I felt so lucky that during my first phase of heartbreak my friends dont cry with me. Rather we laugh about the whole thing.Although I was a bit confused with why we are laughing because most of the times, there's nothing funny about anything, but I laugh anyways.It's better than crying! Especially when you have to cry over someone who has been so careless with your heart.I mean, basically you gave them a very very very valuable thing but they just crushed it like that?Don't cry over them honey. They definitely are not worth it.Save your tears for something more important, like when you missed that new episode of Glee.That's more like it!

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

I always like to, since I was little, ask myself if I am okay. Well, not out loud of course. From time to time, I check, just to make sure whatever I am going through it didn't affect me that bad.

The question is always as simple as "So, are you okay?

It is the same as what people ask me when I am going through something. But with myself, I've got to be more honest.

For the past 28 years, the answer has always always been either "Yeah, I am" or "Yeah, I will be". Because whatever I told people (I might want to fish for sympathies), I know for sure I can always bounce back.

For the first time ever, after the incident three weeks ago, when I asked myself that same ageless question, I wasn't sure of the answer. Well, I know for a fact that I am not okay. I am suffering. But the more terrifying thing is I don't even know if I can be okay, ever.

I kept on telling people that I know it's the best decision I've made and life will turn out to be better for me. But honestly, I'm having a hard time believing it myself.

Why? Because every single thing on earth reminds me of him.

That sucks big time.

Even when a good thing happen to me, all I can think of how good it is if I can share it with him.

So, frankly I cannot see how I can go on like this.

Two days ago, I was in the shower, when I asked myself that question. It was so easy to fall back to that empty feeling, feeling sorry for myself, when I suddenly realizes something.

I am taking a bath in a hotel in London! I went to Bicester Village in the morning and strolled along the Hyde Park and the Kensington Park in the afternoon.

How can I not be okay?

I feel awesome! I feel great! And I am looking forward for tomorrow and all the days after that. I am okay people. I just need a little bit of fresh air to tell me that.

My friends, the wonderful wonderful people, are right after all. I guess they sometimes know me more than I know myself.

And right now I am sipping hot chocolate in Pret A Manger at High Street Kensington underground station. Who knows what tomorrow will bring?

Kensington Park

P/S When I talk to myself (in my head) in London, I found myself speaking in British accent. It's like when I was 13, when I dreamt of my sweetheart, B-Rock of Backstreet Boys, he was speaking in Malay. My head is funny sometimes.

About Me

My brother told me to take a personality survey when I asked him. I don't really know actually. I have been digging in for many-many years hoping that I like the person that I would found. So, I guess I am someone who is searching for herself and while doing that, I met many beautiful souls that I call friends, whether they like it or not. :)