Wednesday, October 27, 2010

VOTE NOW! VOTE OFTEN!

Yes, kids, it's that time of year again. It's 3010 and the Legion of Super-Heroes needs a new leader! A stalwart sentient to guide us into the new decade!

No idea what I'm talking about? That's o.k., too. Just put down your crack pipes and your beer bongs and surf the interwebs over to LegionElection.com. Click on any brightly colored square with a picture of some damn superhero. But WAIT! There's more...

That I should live in such a time! Paul Levitz back writing the Legion AND MY FIRST LEGION ELECTION! Yes, I, THE READER can have a tiny say in what fictional character runs a fantasy league of aliens! I feel more relevant than I did in my civic election of Slumlord A vs Slumlord B, and I CARE ten times more, too! Sad, really.

But this isn't some phone-in campaign to kill Jason Todd the erstwhile Robin, oh no! I'm part of a grand tradition since the days when kids wrote on paper and some poor schmo hand-delivered the results to Mort Weisinger. Or something.

That's why I want to see the first NON-HUMANOID elected. And if I'm not mistaken, the first extra-dimensional. Also the first socialist! I'm talking about Ti'julk Mr'asz of planet Vyrga, Universe-247, the insectoid teleporter also known as GATES.

Created by Tom McCraw, Mark Waid, and Lee Moder in the fabled 1990's, Gates is the bug bolshevik drafted into the Legion by his hive-minded commie world of exoskeleton pinkos. Ever since he's been preaching on the proletariat and championing the underbug. I loved Gates from the moment he urged the (then all-humanoid) Legion "Good luck manning your teenage death squad!" That's the guy I'm campaigning for right now.

Gates gets to see plenty of action as an interstellar shuttle-bus, and he's been spotted (with his beak closed for once) helping out in a soup kitchen, but never yet in a leadership role. And no matter what you may think of Gates' politics, you can't let that Earth-first anti-alien xenophobe Kirt Niedrigh win! That ding-a-ling shouldn't even be on the team! 'Reformed' my Eyeful Ethel! No tolerance for the intolerant! Also, and I shouldn't have to say this, attempted multiple murderer. Torturer. TURNED THE SUN RED!!!

Or vote one of those other fair-haired rapscallions. They all have their good points. Heck, if he was eligible you know I'd vote Matter-Eater Lad. If you don't vote, the Dark Circle wins!