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Book Review: He Never Came Home

Every woman should read this book. When I finished @henevercamehome last night, I bawled about a bucket of tears, then decided to break up with the guy I just started seeing, and then called my Dad. I”m fortunate and blessed to have my father in my life – as both a father and as a dad and so, I wanted to, but wasn’t sure how well beyond empathy I would connect to these 22 deeply personal essays written by women who grew up or were living life in some capacity without theirs. I was entirely wrong. This book was so much more than just single-subject stories. It was a comprehensive, multicultural, multiperspective exploration, explanation and breakdown of the “father wound” of all types carried by all women in some capacity, how it plays out in life, and especially relationships. If you don’t think that you have a father wound of any sort, then you definitely need to read this book, like, today 😘

What I loved about the essays: each took me on a complete journey through a particular type of father absence, whether it was through a distant personality, the effects of divorce or the transition of death. Rather than a recounting of the things that happened, the internal journey was described, along with the perceptions, reactions, reflections and consequences ranging from challenged relationships to potentially a fulfilling life and career.

What stood out most for me were the relationship reflections. It was like a year of therapy in just 200 pages that I read through as quickly as my eyes could move. I absorbed it; I was moved by it; I learned from it.

It also gave me a lot to think about for my character, Tabby in #BlackGirlsMustDieExhausted, who is dealing with her own father wound. In some ways, her journey is reflected here too. This is a book club read for certain and I highly recommend you pick up a copy for yourself and someone you know.

If you’re wondering what I said to my dad, it was this: “thank you for being perfectly imperfect. I like who I am and you have helped me get there.” ❤📚