I'm Your Biggest Fan

But little did you know, it has a greater and even more embarrassing significance.

My UK readers, commenters and lurkers alike--from England, Ireland, Scotland and not yet Wales (though I hold out hope)--God, I adore You. I have a crush on You. And I may even be in love with You. The gorgeous accents that have our Brooklyn staccato and even our Southern drawl beat all hollow, the way you say "fortnight" and "bloody hell," "duvet," and "herself" for "her" and "she"; and the way You measure Your chocolatey, custardy recipes in metrics that look for all the world like a favorable numerological prediction to me; the way You have kept on that mysterious "u" where our American laziness has truncated--"parlour," "favour," "flavour" and "colour" indeed! I can't even remember anymore whether I'm supposed to spell "gray" with an "a" or an "e," but I know which I like better--I like Your way!

So, Limerick London Belfast Dublin Glasgow Derby Liverpool Manchester Cardiff--the delicious names linger on the tongue--the regional differences like a mystery religion, and I've only yet been admitted to the church foyer...

I've been holding back, too shy to tell You the truth about my feelings; how could I ever measure up?

But now that I am officially champion at Guessing the Brits, I suppose the truth has come out anyway. Yes, this Brooklyn girl is Your biggest fan.

Edited: Now I've gone and kindled a nice little flame down in the comments. I suppose this is what happens when I try to objectify You. Why not just lie back and be objectified? It can feel very nice sometimes.

Edit part two: yes, I know the above edit is totally beside the point to the discussion below. But I think it's funny, and I'm funny, and I had to include it just to humor myself.

I'm with you, sister. I love the Brits! I'd pack up the kids and move there for good if it were possible. My mother-in-law would probably lie down on the runway at JFK and prevent the plane from taking off.

Well, I'm sure any Brit or Irelander would tell you, Leah, that alongside the romantic, charming characteristics you mention (gee, thanks!) there are plenty of decidedly repulsive ones. And I'm sure any Yank would have a similar ambivalence about the US. But still, I don't want to spoil your lovely affection for us all so no party-pooping on this occasion.

I love all the regional accents here too, particularly Irish, Welsh and Liverpudlian. And of course we also have local languages, unlike the States. Aren't we just swell?

Leah, a perfect example of just why the English are regarded as arrogant if not ignorant, by my fellow countrymen in particular, has been demonstrated most admirably by Mr London Street, and his short sighted comment above.

It's true... having been told off by a differently British person I must agree with Jimmy. It's only English people you don't say "herself" and "yourself" - in England they are associated with a ridiculously formal way of speaking that people use to make themselves sound important in the office.

Lordy, everyone is so thin skinned today! I never intended to give offence (when I do I'm even better at it than this). Happy to take these comments down if they have annoyed British people, English people, Scottish people, people who say "herself", people who don't, people who work in an office and people who don't.

Mr. LS::Life is indeed too short, as you've pointed out... however, I see you return again and again to punctuate your original point. Sadly, that point seems to return to YOU again and again. A statement such as yours, inflammatory as it was (dickhead) was designed to stab at a certain region of people.

How about this? It's a blog, and not YOUR blog. If you'd like to opine on who says what and where, YOUR blog is a brilliant place for that. Perhaps you've done it here to hang on the coattails of a high readership, I don't know... but either way, it IS still NOT your blog, and this is just plain disrespectful of you. Kind of like spitting on a fellow guest at a party you've attended.

Karen - your response to the original comment has been far less temperate than the comment itself. I really don't need to be told off about my manners by you. I already have a lovely readership of my own and it's hypocritical of you to impugn my motives in that way.

I have already explained that I didn't intend to offend Jimmy, any other Scottish people or indeed anyone else. And this continuing discussion just looks a bit silly to me. I made it clear that I wasn't intending to offend any particular section of people. I suppose by commenting as you have you have called me a liar. But presumably, since it's you, that kind of conduct is okay.

I have told the lovely Leah, whose blog I like a lot, that if she wants me to take the comments down I will.

The commenters here have always been the most intelligent, multi-culti and marvelous. I am often blown away by your humor, thoughtful ways, your kindness and great writing.

I have been schooled a little (although I wasn't really that ignorant before, let's be honest).

I do very much like to practice courtesy, though, and I like to give people the benefit of the doubt, but perhaps words like "dickhead" are better expressed while shouting out a car window at another driver who has cut you off, a habit that I have been known to enjoy from time to time. (whaddya want, I'm from Brooklyn).

I like how people enacted a form of communal reprimand here through the collective conscience; it's really rather organic and natural.

Hugs and kisses, and I mean it.

And I'm glad to have introduced some of the lovely people who drop in on me here.

Just to state it more strongly--open discussion is good. I allow anonymous comments, I don't have blog owner's approval or even word verification up (not that I have anything against that for anyone else, just for myself), and so far have not needed any of those things.

LOL, indeed. Why not just enjoy basking in the ego stroking glow of objectification? The post was meant to be complimentary, and it was. I thoroughly enjoyed reading it, and it was one of those that I will return to read again. Makes your heart beat just a bit faster, the blood rush to your face just a bit more intensely, and lets the imagination run wild. My favorite thing.

Oh, I missed all the fun. Never mind. It's all so exciting. I never knew being Scottish and/or British was so special. Well, actually I rather like being Scottish - I get to say couthie words like 'fash', 'fankle' and 'bumfle' and say them with a straight face. And I say 'herself'. And 'by the way'.

65 comments! Biatch I wasn't allowed to play . .I'm an English born, naturalised Australian. Fair suck of the sav! Last time I opened MJ's site my son thought I was looking at porn . .oh wait! . .congratulations they're hard nuts to crack the Brits. (No pun intended)

Nothing here makes sense to me. I am so lost as to who is who and where is who and who is where and what with me going to the loo to look for the closet, but eh the clothes are not there and with me being married to a Canadian eh who is an American, but who's family comes from Scotland and England or is it the British Isles that they come from. And being only one of my greats something or other comes from Ireland, but not sure if it is the Northern one or the regular one, but maybe back then they only had one cause that ancestor came here a few hundred years ago. And I thought that the Brits had chaps but not chapettes, well you know cause we have dudes and dudettes or as Candie and I now say gudes instead of dudettes.

I love the people from all across the pond because the Professor comes from there and a few of my other ancestors, but I swear I must be an ignoramous as to what everyone was fussing about. And why does a dickhead mean something bad to one group and not the other. Calling someone a dickhead is nicer than calling them an A**hole, but I guess they are at the opposite ends. Huh, got you all there.

Congrats to you Leah on the award and I am so proud that you know what the hey everyone was saying here. At least I know what a "boot" is and a "flat", okay I might recognize a few more, but that is from all those trashy novels I used to read.

So dang it I was supposed to keep my comments short, but screw it. I could not stop myself.