In which Dr. Andrea Letamendi of Arkham Sessions joins us to analyze some analysis; Doc Samson has major scope-of-practice issues; Ren & Stimpy references continue to fail to age well; it’s hard to be Quicksilver; Val Cooper is not your friend; Polaris pretty much always deserves better; Charles Xavier should not be allowed to inhabit positions of power; and labels are often not the best tools for good representations of mental illness and neurodivergence.

In which nobody but Stryfe’s diary understands him; Apocalypse is the best at what he does (and what he does is remarkably versatile); Scott and Jean weaponize their clichés; Jae Lee does his best Patrick Nagel; Apocalypse is poisonous; Cable goes full T-800; nothing good ever happens to Cyclops on the moon; Stryfe dies as passive-aggressively as he lived; and X-Cutioner’s Song finally concludes.

X-PLAINED:

How Cable dies

The Story So Far

Still more trading-card taxonomy

Uncanny X-Men #296

X-Factor #86

X-Men #16

X-Force #18

An AU we’d like to read

The not-Stüssy S

How to effectively reference X-Men #137

A decoy baby

An abortive escape

Moon gravity

Revelatory vandalism

A trip to the moon

A probably excessive number of hawk facts

Various daring rescues

How to kill time in space

Cathexes

A very fancy moon base

The cavalry, kind of

Stryfe vs. Cable

An X-Cellent epilogue

Several Silent Hill 2 references

Stryfe’s Legacy

Pawnee, Indiana vs. Marvel

Sexy high-security prisons of the future

NEXT EPISODE: Live from FlameCon, featuring Sina Grace, Magdalene Visaggio, and Leah Williams!

Special thanks to Matt for the subject of this episode’s cold open; and to the Protomen for use of their cover of “Total Eclipse of the Heart.”

In which Jubilee is underwhelmed by X-Force; Havok and Gambit make weirdly good buddy cops; Department K is a hot vacation destination; Cable is secretly a Coen Brothers protagonist; you can cancel Community but you can never take away Jay’s gratuitous Community references; Rusty goes full cultist; nobody is Stryfe’s real dad; smoking on a space station is a REALLY bad idea; Apocalypse is here to help; and Miles lies at length about music.

In which you may or may not have your own Black Bug Room; FlameCon was in fact every bit as wonderful as we projected (and more); Caliban hates true love; no one will ever be as extra as Mister Sinister; X-Cutioner’s Song is secretly a farce; we achieve Peak Cable; and the quintessential ’90s crossover event begins!

X-PLAINED:

The Black Bug Room

A good deal of pre-event status quo

Uncanny X-Men #294

X-Factor #84

X-Men #14

X-Force #16

Trading card taxonomy

The opening strains of a crossover event

A concert that worked out better in theory than in practice

An abduction

Several attempted murders

A large number of awkward reunions

An even larger number of inter-team brawls

Two villains pretending to be other villains

Cape logistics

Peak Cable

Many pouches

Many guns

The origin of Hope Summers

Our hopes for mutants in the MCU

NEXT EPISODE: Aw, Stryfe, no.

NOTE: At one point in this episode, Miles said “X-Force” when he actually meant “X-Factor.” If you can tell us where, you win the prize of eternal smugness (not as much smugness as Sinister, but still a lot).

In which nobody wears the pants in the X-Plain family; Havok is a remarkably okay boss; Polaris may want to find a new doctor; Quicksilver has no time for your nonsense; we are very conditionally okay with resurrections; and if you spoil Season 5 of Steven Universe for Miles, we will never ever ever forgive you.

X-PLAINED:

Jay & Miles at FlameCon

Advantages of recording remotely

X-Factor #81-83

What Genosha’s been up to

Prodigal

An impassioned speech

An unfortunate accident

Yet another return(ish) of Sauron

Chain of command

Lukas

Pirouette

Yet another justification for the name of the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants