Today is one of those days where I just don’t have it in me. What is “it” you ask? Motherhood. I cannot mom right now. Well, better phrased, I cannot live up to what I thought moms were supposed to be, right now. One of you gave the other a black eye this week… one of you is a lot better at dishing it out than taking it. I have emergency Lays chips in the cabinet… we’re currently trying to eat cleaner to reduce our frequent health issues, but we’re always just a meltdown away from handing you a Lays and eating Papa Murphy’s for dinner. Laundry… oh, laundry. Where…

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Four years ago, during one of the hardest seasons of my life, I learned that I had PTSD. I think back to those days, that season, and remember vividly how cloaked my perception of life was. It’s truly the worst when you realize what is happening in your mind, and yet you feel helpless to make it stop. My PTSD stemmed from a childhood trauma, being on edge was my normal. But it was the birth of my first child that alerted me to the hyper-vigilance I lived with daily. Most women get an intense shakiness after delivering their babies, one of the reasons this happens is because of the…

It was somewhere between bouncing a screaming baby and medicating my bleeding, cracked nipples that I knew I didn’t see the silver lining anymore. This wasn’t sustainable, I was pale, sleep deprived, so hungry I wasn’t hungry anymore, and this wasn’t the romantic fourth trimester I envisioned. I knew it was hard, but surely what I was feeling inside was not universal. The anxiety and nausea that overcame me every time I nursed our daughter, the sleep safety rules made me feel like our little bundle of joy was more of a suicidal time-bomb, I felt absolutely paranoid. Didn’t she know that I couldn’t sleep with her on my chest?…