From an age of innocence to a time of flagrant debauchery; from finding love to losing hope, this is the life journey of a Chinese gay guy born in KL, Malaysia where he tries to make sense of his homosexuality, his life and the world around him.

24 April 2006

Head High Chin Up

"I'm going to break up with my boyfriend."
"Oh..... why?"
"Because I found out that he is a little sissy."
"Huh? But didn't you notice that when you first get together?"
"Well, he is quite masculine when we were first together, but now, he is getting more femine. He talks soft, he act soft, he sings soft... he is soft."
"Hmm... are you going to use that as a reason to break up with him?"
"Yup."
"Have you told him?"
"Yup."
"Oh... did he accept that reason?"
"Hell no. He doesn't accept it when I told him."
"So?"
"I told him I'm gonna write him an email as to why, but he just went offline"
"Err... you told him through the net?"
"Yup."
"I see. But I guess nobody wants to read an email that explain why they are being dumped."
"I guess so."
"Well, good luck then."
"Hmm... thanks. Anyway, got to go now. Talk to you later."
"Ok. Bye."

Gay relationship are very volatile in a sense that commitment is a very platonic issue. Most gay couple don't live happily ever after. At least not for the first, second, thrid, fourth, fifth or N try. I guess sometimes it is understandable for some people to critisize gay relationship.

How would one define gay? Is it someone who is interested in the same sex? Or was it someone who feel that they should be born the opposite sex? Wasn't that the difference between homosexual or transexual?

I found that many gay people are rather soft. Sometimes, just by the way they talk and walk, you can tell who is gay. Actually, that is the only way I can tell in distinguishing gay and non-gay. My gaydar are very lousy. Everytime when I decided to go out with someone I chatted, I would ask them whether they are straight-acting or sissy. Everytime they would say that they are straight-acting. But when I did meet them, I found that they are actually not as straight-acting as they claim. Maybe my definition of straight-acting are different from theirs but to me, they are clearly gay even if I don't know it initially. Might be that, as some of my friends said, we are more loosen up when we are with those of same gang...

I am not saying that I am bias and discriminates about how one carry themselves but I sometimes just ponder, since I am gay and I like men, why would I want to be with some man who act girly. If I want that, I might as well get a real girl.... I don't think it has anything to do with sex coz one can perform oral or anal sex in a heterosexual relationship too... unless it was because of the male genitalia... Hmmm.....