'Tales of the Sissy' is a play on words related to Armistead Maupin's novel 'Tales of the City' which chronicles the daily lives of several seemingly unrelated people. Since my blog chronicles my daily life and I am gay (hence the stereotype 'sissy'), I decided to call my blog 'Tales of the Sissy'.

Friday, February 20, 2009

An inconvenient dog

I've posted tidbits on here before about our dog, Jordan. She's a lemon beagle whom we got from a rescue league 11 years ago. Lemon beagles are beige and white, instead of the traditional black, white, and brown. When we got Jordan the lady at the rescue league said she was almost 2 years old, but the vet said she looked older than that to him. He said rescue leagues often under-estimate pets' ages because they think everyone wants a young pet. So we don't know Jordan's actual age. At a minimum she's 13 if we were to believe the lady at the rescue league. But she's probably 14 or 15.

Jordan is very gentle, loving and affectionate. Overall, a very sweet dog. Spouse could not love her more. But she is also an inconvenient dog. You might recall this.When she gets excited (when we return from being out, when its time to be fed, when company comes over) she barks quite loudly. There's something about her bark that finds the tender spot inside my ear and sucker-punches it. I often have to tell her to settle down to keep from going deaf.Most of her life is spent lounging and/or sleeping. Seriously, she must sleep 23 out of 24 hours a day. She always picks the most inconvenient spots to relax and snooze, like doorways. She will plop herself down in a doorway, forcing me to step over top of her to exit the room. When I'm sitting at my desk working she lays down right next to my chair, so that when I need to get up I have to turn my chair all the way around to find some unoccupied floor space in order to stand up, and then step over her.Most dogs like routine so we feed and walk her around the same times each day. But occasionally she will get distracted by some irresistible smell or morsel she's found outside and forget to pee or poop while we're out. This, of course, means she has to 'go' later on, invariably when I'm busy on a deadline or participating in a conference call.She didn't use to beg for human food because Spouse & I agreed when we got her that she would only eat dog food. Its better suited for her digestion, and it keeps her from begging. But little by little Spouse has taken to giving her little pieces of bread or a bagel, crackers, potato chips, or pretzels. The only thing we've found she won't eat are baby carrots. The 2 problems that have arisen since Spouse has begun feeding her people food is that she begs for some every time we eat, which is annoying as hell, and embarrassing when company is over, and it gives her gas. Rank, stinking, rotten, toxic gas, which is also annoying as hell, and embarrassing when company comes over.Then there's the inconvenience of her hair all over the house. We really should vacuum every day to keep up with having a dog and a cat, but we don't. Not even close.But despite the very real and true inconvenience of Jordan, we love her. I often make jokes to Spouse about how, when she's given me a particularly hard time, I'm going to drop her off miles away and hope she won't be able to find her way home. But of course I'd never do that. She'd find her way home, she's a hound!

11 comments:

Jordon sounds like a complete roit! And the age thing is funny. When we got Starrbooty at a rescue they said she was 4 or 5 years ago. But two years later our vet looked at her and said she was much older. So when she pass on, it didn't surprise us since she was much older than we thought. We miss that little diva!

I'd love to have a dog but I'm allergic to most of them. What really sucks is I have this connection with dogs, I can't explain it. I use the term grok to describe it because it's the closest term I know.

I'll be walking down the street and dogs will stop, turn around and look at me. One little guy was straining at his leash, tail wagging a mile a minute and trying to get to me. His owner was shocked as this dog generally doesn't like too many people. I grok dogs, they grok me.

It figures. I do like cats too, our resident cat Angie is a vocal one too. But cats can be as much a pain in the ass as a dog, believe me.

Angie likes her milk, likes lap time a little too much. Try to unseat her from your lap when she isn't ready and get a loud rebuke from her.

LOL... Our two dogs are similar! They love to lay in doorways and other inconvenient places! We give ours small bits of people food, but only in the kitchen (or den) - and NEVER from the dining room table. When we sit there to eat, they just lay down beside us and don't beg as they know they won't get anything. It's a good compromise :)

The golden retriever we had for 12 years would eat absolutely anything and everything. The only thing I gave him that he wouldn't eat was raw rhubarb - and he made a valiant attempt to eat that, but in the end gruddingly gave up and spit it out! :)

Health-wise, I hope that she is back to normal because I can recall that minor scare that you guys had with Jordan not too long ago. If our Crush du Jour: Kraig Feldman ever lost his way, I'd be more than happy to show him the way home. ;-)

Who Am I?

My name is Mark and I'm the writer of 'Tales of the Sissy'. I am an out gay man, happily partnered since 1996. I'm a Washington DC native, now living at the beach in Delaware since 2007. Read my introduction here.