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Friday, November 1, 2013

It always seems to be while driving en route to soccer practice, sitting in the midst of congested traffic on the freeway, or hectic mornings of spilt Cheerios and the toaster dinging, announcing golden bread ready for butter and jelly.... it's in these fleeting moments.... of frazzled nerves, lost socks, hurried footsteps, the urging of "Hurry up" that the most meaningful coversations crop up....

the most important topics make their presence and demand instant attention forcing us as parents to listen, take a deep breath, slow down and say what is needed.

It was 7:14 a.m.

My son was applying butter and strawberry jam to his toast at the kitchen table... as I slipped turkey cheese sandwiches, chips, cookies and apple slices into insulated lunch bags for school, my daughter set her empty white cereal bowl and spoon on the kitchen counter beside the sink and scampered off in search of her spelling word list.

"I hope you do well on your test today." I told her as she reappeared with her paper and quickly reviewed the words once more.

She shrugged....

"Eh...." she replied with a sigh.

I gave her an appraising long side look and I watched her as she opened her school folder to shove the spelling word list in an inside pocket. "I don't like school." she said aloud to no one in particular.

Right then….We had a talk.

*********************

What she doesn't realize yet is....

Everyday we make a choice.

Everyday we decide.

Everyday we choose.

How to shape our life.

As children, especially girls we don't realize the enormity of how each and every day we make choices that impact our future. We make choices each day whether to learn or not. We make choices to listen in class, to study and do our homework.

Each day as children

we have the ability to make

positive choices that later

translate to a positive life.

When we study and apply ourselves we in turn create a future filled with light not darkness.

Not applying ourselves sets us up at a greater risk of marrying too young and for all the wrong reasons. Not applying ourselves sets us up for limiting ourselves. Not applying ourselves puts us at a greater risk of marrying someone who swoops in quick with false promises to "take care of us"... an initial mask of a seemingly loving nature that is later revealed as controlling, manipulative and abusive.

As children we may not realize what great power we hold regarding our future. Young girls may not realize that every time they dismiss their studies, toss aside another failed paper, procrastinate to study their spelling words... or in later years dismiss college and marry the first guy that looks at them....

They are hurting themselves.

Their parents eventually move on, live out their life…

but a child has their whole life ahead of them.

****************

I sit patiently, waiting in stop and go traffic, randomly searching the radio for Christian music only to find the annoying crackle of commercials.... the fall leaves of October dusting the edges of the street... a slight cool breeze whispering through the slightly rolled down tinted windows.... gripping the top of the steering wheel with my left hand, my attention diverts from the stopped cars ahead over to my right.... noticing a couple of students surreptitiously slinking off the campus at the local high school in search of "fun" that ultimately translates to trouble.... their plain t-shirts might as well have said:

"I've given up."

That was me.

Almost twenty years ago.

Depressed, failing and skipping school… having ADHD that was not yet known or diagnosed… I was getting an entirely different education in the underground world of chop shops and more.

Those kids may have given up.

But

God

hasn't.

He can still turn it around.

Yet despite however many contributing factors and our struggle, ultimately when we make poor choices there will always be long term consequences.

How can we help the young girls of today to not live a life of negative consequence to begin with?

Honesty.

Having honest talks, injecting honest communication with them about life, about school, about education, about relationships and marriage.

Dear girls of the world:

Education is your ticket to a good life. Your education will largely determine the course of your life. WHEN WE PUT OUR EDUCATION AND GOD BEFORE LOVE & BOYS it offers us a shield of protection... it puts us in a position of choosing the life we wish. Love and boys can come later after we're actually living in that bright future and have shaped our own world, standing on our own two feet.

It's vital we talk with our daughters each and every day...

There isn't a Prince Charming waiting for them.

There isn't a glass slipper.

There isn't a fairy Godmother.

We can't expect a man to give us a fairy tale. We can't expect a man to "take care of us", we can't expect a free ride, we can't expect a man to "save us".

Because when we expect that....

We will surely pay for it.

It's never ever free.

It's costly.

To our health.

To our emotional well being.

To our independence.

To our happiness.

To our children.

To every girl who scoffs

at homework

or skips class….

however unfortunately lost,

misguided, failing or broken....

This is one of the most important messages you will ever read:

Today you get to choose.

To get on the path of light.

Or stay on the dark one.

Because if you don't choose now...

One day someone else will choose your life for you.

And it won't be Prince Charming.

It will be your worst nightmare that comes in the form of control, manipulation, tears, abuse, heartache, court battles, grief, regret, children being shuffled between one home to another and more.

And you will long for back in the day when all you had to do was listen and get an education in a classroom...