With all the stuffed wallabies and rhetoric flying around at World Cup time, the lab’s Bernie Hobbs undertook this searing investigation of the science behind Rugby. Which footy players have got the best bodies? What’s with the cycling pants? Can grass grow under the sponsors’ logos? No half-baked vaguely scientific affectation is left unexploited, no clichéd assumption untouched.

Which players have got the best bodies?

- Rugby League vs Union vs Aussie Rules

Argument #27 for playing Rugby topless. Image: Reuters

No surprises here - chicks prefer Aussie Rules players' bodies, and blokes won't say (not for the record anyway). And it's not just because of the shorts.

A few years ago, sports scientist Professor Kevin Norton undertook a rigorous research program to determine which male body type is the most attractive.

The women in his study had to adjust an image of a bloke to their ideal build, and the result was incredibly close to the vital stats for an Aussie Rules player.

Professional body-watchers like Kevin Norton compare physiques in terms of Body Mass Index - the ratio of your weight : height2 - unlike the rest of us who go by your standard shoulders, thighs and arse.

With BMI, a low score is more long and lean, a high score is more tank-like. The women in the study adjusted their computerised man to a BMI of 24 on average, and that's just 0.5 above the average BMI for Aussie Rules players.

Players in the other codes are much more heavy and thickset - Rugby Union and League players average a BMI around 32, while Grid Iron guys top the scale at 35.

Are you a Wallaby in the making?

But you don't need a BMI ready-reckoner to spot the difference between players of the different codes.

Rugby League players tend to be built like ride-on mowers - massive and with low centres of gravity (mesomorphs). This is fantastically handy when your job is to grind oncoming traffic into the dirt. Excessive height is a distinct disadvantage - it makes you fall further and cop more of a hiding from the human tanks coming your way.

Union guys are much the same as League, but because of line-outs they tend to have a bit of height in their second row.

AFL players are typically long and lean (ectomorphs), to cope with the more running/jumping/speccy mark-focused game.

Having a thick neck is a disadvantage if you like wearing ties, but it'll reduce your chances of sustaining neck injury during play. US studies of Grid Iron player physiques showed a much higher chance of neck injury - especially serious injury - for long, thinner necks. Image: Reuters

The differences in body type are both selected for and exaggerated by the sport. If you've got a neck like a tree trunk and weigh in at 130kg, you're not likely to win any ribbons at high jump. And the resistance and weights training that Rugby League and Union players do adds to the bulk that helped them get selected in their first schoolboys side to start with.

One change that close observers of all three games would have noticed over the last decade or so is that these guys are getting bigger, and much more uniform in shape.

Fifteen years ago you'd have seen very few footy players heavier than 120kg, but now the majority weigh in around that level. Even wingers like Wendell Sailor hit the scales at about 110kg (2.4 Kylies in the old money).

Kevin Norton puts this beefing up down to the increased speed and intensity of the games as they've become more professionalised. When you're copping more hits extra bulk is an advantage, so the extra beef is helping reduce injury and ensure longevity in their careers - at least until they can get a fantastically lucrative post-footy endorsement deal.

Lipids from lipstick, facial oils and beer itself kills the head on beer. Refilling plastic cups does the same. Image: Reuters

Beer head is a triumph of aesthetics over entropy, and proteins over lipids.

Bubbles are basically a web of denatured proteins - which are just like regular proteins that have been through the wringer and come out a little the worse for wear. If you shake up anything that's got a fair bit of protein in it, you'll get a head.

But if the liquid's got more than a trace of fat (lipid for the professionals), the head collapses. No one's been game to do the physics and work out just why, but those beer-loving folks at the Norwich Institute of Food Research in the UK have seen enough evidence to point the wet finger at stray fats.

Plastic cups can wreck the head in two ways

the greasy film you sometimes get inside the cheap new ones, and;

the greasy film you sometimes get inside ones you've just drunk out of, thanks to lippie and/or moustache oil.

There's not a lot you can do about the film inside cheap plastic glasses, short of asking the barman to wipe it out first. But avoiding refills in plastic cups, shaving your mo, and forgoing lipstick for the big game can help.

Where does tinea come from?

- And can you only get it on your feet?

Enclosed shoes and communal showers are just some of the preferred habitats of Trichophyton - the fungi behind tinea. Image: Reuters

Tinea is a fungal infection and, sadly, you don't only get it on your feet.

It happens wherever you've got a warm, moist environment and a ready source of people-to-people or people-to-bathmat contact. Athlete's foot, jock-rot and ringworm are your three basic tineal varieties.

Your best bet to avoid tinea is to keep your feet dry, steer clear of enclosed shoes whenever you can, and don't walk barefoot where anyone with dodgy feet is likely to tread.

A quick search for lycra and injury turns up a fantastically diverse range of products in the category of 'compression shorts' (as well as some disturbing but no doubt deserved 'adverse outcomes of aerobics'). Image: Reuters

I guess once you've had close-ups of your jocks splayed across the big screen at your local pub 7 or 8 times, the idea of a little modesty would be sounding good all round.

But your cycling pant is mainly worn by players who are prone to groin injuries.

Most groin injuries in football are from strains to the Adductor longus (inner thigh) muscle, and physios recommend cycling pants as the C (compression) part of the ICE (ice-compression-elevation) strategy for recovery. That's not based on evidence, but it's the advice you get in practice.

There's also no evidence that bike pants can prevent injury. But with the increasing televisation of the sport, I don't think anyone's in a rush to discourage the fellas from flashing 8 inches of lycra whenever they hit the ground.

What's the best way to get grass and blood stains off uniforms without losing the team colours?

No longer will grass stains defy the zealous application of 3 lids full of bleach - according to science it's a matter of:

blot the stain with banana oil (amyl acetate);

blot with dilute detergent and flush with water;

blot with dilute ammonia and flush with water;

blot with dilute vinegar and flush with water;

sponge with alcohol, blot and flush;

if necessary, use dilute bleach to get rid of the last traces of the stain, flushing with water after each application;

apply dilute vinegar to get rid of excess chlorine, flush with water.

On the other hand, the odd grass stain shows that the player isn't afraid of a little earth-body interaction.

And the best way to clean a ball? Image: Reuters

Blood leaves a different kind of stain, but the strategies for removal are disappointingly similar:

blot up as much of the stain as possible, put absorbent pad underneath;

put another pad with detergent with added enzyme over the stain for 30 minutes, flush with water;

flush with diluted ammonia, flush with water, blot;

flush with diluted vinegar, flush with water, blot;

If it's still there, add 3% hydrogen peroxide solution (from pharmacy) with an eyedropper, and add one drop of ammonia; flush with water.

And if all that scientifically endorsed laundering is sounding too toxic - or just too much like hard work - try Annie Berthold-Bond's non-toxic destaining solutions:

grind up some digestive enzymes (from health food shop/pharmacy) and mix into a paste with water. Spread it on the stain and leave for about an hour before washing.

According to Annie, adding half a cup of lemon juice to the rinse cycle of a medium load of whites will lightly bleach the clothing, and hanging them on the line will blonde them up good and proper.

How come the grass doesn't grow under the sponsors' ads?

Goal Attempt: 2/10NSW Tourism Product Placement: 10/10Image: Reuters

Freakily, it does. The logos are painted on with a vegetable-derived, water-based paint and a stencil. It's water-based because most stadiums hosts different events during the week - so there's a quick wash-down to get rid of one valued sponsor before stencilling on the next one.

According to Warren Webster at Aussie Stadium, the grass doesn't die off under the signage - it retains a bit of a stain, but nothing that a liberal dose of more grass paint won't cover.

And turf facts for the real grass afficianados - it's couch in summer and rye grass in winter.

The semi-banana topspin torpedo, as demonstrated by the guy in blue. Image: Reuters

In a frictionless world, every kicked ball would follow your basic inverted parabolic path. In reality, none of them do.

Sailing through air creates friction and puts drag on a ball, slowing it down and counteracting the lift you give it with your boot.

The physics of kicking is not pretty, but basically it's about getting more lift, less drag, and picking the right angle.

The more lift you impart with your boot, the further the ball can sail before succumbing to gravity.

And you can cut drag by adding a bit of spin. Spin creates turbulence around the ball, which lets it scoot through the air more quickly. (Without spin, and with a smooth surface, you get a fat layer of air 'sticking' to the ball. Turbulence 'thins out' the sticky air layer).

Because of the lowered drag and the piercing torpedo-like action, spin also makes your kick more accurate.

Once you've got lots of lift and enough spin to cut the drag and improve your accuracy, you can kick at a lower angle - that'll let the ball travel further.

So for a long, accurate kick you want

grunt in the kick, for maximum lift;

spin on the ball, for accuracy and distance, and;

an angle below 45o, for maximum distance.

Although the balls are different for the different codes, the basic kicks are pretty similar. And the Aussie Rules the World site has complete details for achieving the celebrated drop punt, torpedo and banana kicks.

If you want to try your hand at kicking under different wind conditions and with a range of power, you can't go past ABC Sport's kicking game.

Planet Slayer! - The world's first irreverent environmental website! The Lab's multi-award winning new breed of environmental website - one where the facts are right, but there's none of that worthy greenie attitude. It's ready and waiting for your assault!

Chickscience - Try the thinking woman's on-line alternative to trashy womens' mags. It asks the questions Cosmo never gets around to, like how many personality tests does it take to cure a self-help junkie? and which sexual position burns the most calories (well actually, Cosmo did ask this one - they just didn't wait around for the answer).

Big Fat Science - Get the low down on some of the big ideas from scienceland. From secrets of the universe to avoiding hangovers, no topic is too tough or too tasteless for Bernie's scrutiny.

Outback Twitchathon - The Lab's Bernie Hobbs joined a crack team of birdwatchers in western NSW for 36 hours of manic 'look - it's a Striated Pardalote' and 'is that a Western Gerygone I hear?'. (It wasn't).

ABC Rugby World Cup 2003 coverage - Keep up to date with the latest World Cup news, have your say on the tournament, test your goal kicking skills and even go in the draw to win a trip for two to the Rugby World Cup final.

Fighting the home advantage - How do Australian sports people prepare for the inevitable disadvantages of playing away? Abbie Thomas wonders if they should pack inspirational John Farnham videos, or if there is a more scientific approach?

Let's Get Physical - Confused about how much exercise you really need (or rather, how little you can get away with?) Health Matters sets the record straight.

Science on the High Seas - Eight super yachts sailed in the name of science in the 2003 Sydney to Hobart. Doug Hazell goes on board.