We're Americans, and when an afternoon sugar craving strikes, we have a gaggle of candy bars to choose from. Sometimes, when our blood sugar is low we make terrible choices. This has led us to tasting most of the candy bars currently for sale in America, and some of them -- quite frankly -- are better than others.

These are the best candy bars, ranked in order. These are all candy bars that a popular and sold in America. Do not recommend a Crunchie bar or a Flake bar or a Yorkie bar to me. They are delicious, but have no place here. Come on this journey through peanuts, coconut, nougat, caramel and (of course) chocolate, and see how your favorite candy bar stacks up.

25

Zero

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UGH. White chocolate? Zero is right.

24

Mr. Goodbar

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Let's take a perfectly good Hershey Bar and shove a bunch of peanuts into it.

23

Charleston Chew

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If you like chocolate-coated rubber.

22

Hershey Bar

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Standard, classic, terribly boring.

21

Mars Bar

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Eh?

20

5th Avenue

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Seriously, without Googling it -- can you remember what this chocolate bar tastes like? Didn't think so.

19

Oh, Henry!

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Oh, chewy caramel overload.

18

Take 5

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This has everything in it. And sometimes less is more.

17

Pay Day

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"We accidentally dropped this caramel fudge in some peanuts, so let's sell it and pretend it was on purpose."

16

Baby Ruth

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"We accidentally dropped our Pay Day in this chocolate, so let's sell it and pretend it was on purpose."

15

Mounds

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Always feel like a nut, guys.

14

Whatchamacallit

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This candy bar has a ridiculous, un-spellable name, but it is freaking delicious.

13

Krackel

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The best of the fun sizes.

12

Almond Joy

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ALWAYS, ALWAYS FEEL LIKE A NUT.

11

Kit Kat

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These would have ranked better, if not for the disgusting commercials they insist on airing where people mouth-crunch the tune of the Kit Kat jingle.

10

Heath/Skor

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Guess what -- they're the same, calm down.

9

100 Grand

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This candy bar is so good it's basically a full meal.

8

Nestlé Crunch

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Exactly as advertised.

7

Snickers

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We'll eat whatever Betty White sells us, okay.

6

Butterfinger

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There is really nothing else on earth like a Butterfinger.

5

Twix

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The reason that there are two Twix per package is because immediately after finishing one, you NEED another instantaneously.

4

Sky Bar

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If you have never had a Sky Bar, you need to seriously re-evaluate your life choices. IT'S FOUR CANDY BARS IN ONE.

3

3 Musketeers

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What's that? You wrapped a chocolate cloud in chocolate? And I can buy it for $1.00?

2

Caramello

Amazon

This candy bar is nothing short of a miracle. Decent chocolate, perfectly flowing caramel, always a mess, always delicious. It was almost #1.

1

Milky Way

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If a 3 Musketeers bar and a Caramello had a baby, it would be a Milky Way. And then we would eat that baby. Sorry. That got weird.