Cast:
(V) Sir Vladimir
(King) King is Arthur, King of the Britains!
(W) 'Witch' woman
(P1,P2,P3) Peasants one, two and three

Peasants: We have found a witch! (A witch! a witch!)
Burn her burn her!

Peasant 1: We have found a witch, may we burn her?
(cheers)Vladimir: How do you known she is a witch?P2: She looks like one!V: Bring her forward
(advance)Woman: I'm not a witch! I'm not a witch!V: ehh... but you are dressed like one.W: They dressed me up like this!All: naah no we didn't... no.W: And this isn't my nose, it's a false one.
(V lifts up carrot)V: Well?P1: Well we did do the noseV: The nose?P1: ...And the hat, but she is a witch!
(all: yeah, burn her burn her!)V: Did you dress her up like this?P1: No! (no no... no) Yes. (yes yeah) a bit (a bit bit a bit) But she has got a wart!
(P3 points at wart)V: What makes you think she is a witch?P2: Well, she turned me into a newt!V: A newt?!
(P2 pause & look around)P2: I got better.
(pause)P3: Burn her anyway! (burn her burn her burn!)
(king walks in)V: There are ways of telling whether she is a witch.P1: Are there? Well then tell us! (tell us)V: Tell me... what do you do with witches?P3: Burn'em! Burn them up! (burn burn burn)V: What do you burn apart from witches?P1: More witches! (P2 nudge P1)
(pause)P3: Wood!V: So, why do witches burn?
(long pause)P2: Cuz they're made of... wood?V: Gooood.
(crowd congratulates P2)V: So, how do we tell if she is made of wood?P1: Build a bridge out of her!V: Ahh, but can you not also make bridges out of stone?P1: Oh yeah...V: Does wood sink in water?P1: NoP3: No. It floats!P1: Let's throw her into the bog! (yeah yeah ya!)V: What also floats in water?P1: BreadP3: ApplesP2: Very small rocks
(V looks annoyed)P1: CiderP3: Grape gravyP1: CherriesP3: MudKing: A Duck!
(all look and stare at king)V: Exactly! So, logically...P1(thinking): If she ways the same as a duck... she's made of wood!V: And therefore,
(pause & think)P3: A witch! (P1: a witch)(P2: a witch)(all: a witch!)V: We shall use my largest scales.
(V jumps down)
----------------------------end?---------------------------------
(walk over while cheering)
(push her into scale)V: Right, remove the stops!
(wait while scales remains still)All: A witch! burn her burn her!!