"How I got through 3 miscarriages in a row"

After having two healthy children, Alex was shocked when she lost her third child to stillbirth, and then three miscarriages followed.

Alex and her family. Photos: Supplied

Alexandra Tighe (Alex) is a partner at a law firm, has been happily married to her husband Ben for 10 years and is the proud mother of three kids – Hugh, 9, Mary, 6, and Isabelle, 18 months – but the years between Mary and Isabelle’s birth were the most trying of her life.

Five years ago, at the age of 35, Alex lost her third child – a son, Jack – to stillbirth. Her pregnancy was stress-free and, even after a host of tests, the doctors found no concrete reason for Jack’s death – a fact Alex says has denied her a sense of closure, something to help her rationalise the harrowing experience of a stillbirth.

“I had two children already and was pregnant with my third. The pregnancy was normal and uncomplicated, like the first two, so it was a real shock that we lost it for ‘no reason’ – no reason that they could diagnose, anyway – which made it very difficult for us. At least if we found out there was something wrong, we could understand it.

“It’s not something you can really prepare yourself for, you go through a normal pregnancy, unprepared, and you expect a baby to arrive nine months later. You just don’t think anything like this will happen to you.

After Jack’s stillbirth, Alex miscarried – again, with no knowledge why – three times, and found herself at a loss with “no answer to fix the problem.”

“I had lost Jack, I wanted another baby, and I lost three more pregnancies in a row – it was unbelievable, and so hard.

“We wanted so badly to have another child, and I was prepared to keep going, but as time went on it got harder – especially having no answers as to why.

“At the same time, I had two kids and I wanted to be happy for them and to be a good parent. There was so much emotional overlay and grief and all these difficult emotions to overcome, and staying positive was not so easy,” she says – though she never gave up.

“There were times my husband said ‘you’ll know when it’s enough.’ But still, I had hope, even though I felt like nothing was changing. I was motivated by my family, my kids, my husband and our friends to keep trying – everyone wanted the best for us, and I had so much support through the difficult times.”

Then, Alex was referred – by another obstetrician – to Mercy Perinatal, where she came under the care of Professor Sue Walker, Head of Department, who she credits with the healthy birth of her daughter, Isabella.

“Professor Walker specialises in high risk pregnancies. She helped me in so many different ways – she gave me so much emotional support, and I never felt rushed when I had an appointment with her.

“Physically, she scanned me every week and monitored me [when I was pregnant] – and there was a number of times we almost lost Isabelle as well – and I think Professor Walker picked up on things that other doctors might not have. She monitored me overnight, saw early warning signs and told me when I needed to rest, and what steps I needed to ensure the health of my baby. I think if I had kept going on with my normal life, and was just seeing a doctor every four weeks there might have a different outcome.”

The day Isabelle was born, Alex says, was the best day of her life – “she was a miracle” – and “can’t put into words” the sense of joy, relief and elation her and her husband felt.

“We were all crying, blubbering messes when she came out fine – it was magic.”

Professor Walker and Isabelle. Photo: SuppliedSource:BodyAndSoul

But, on the other side of her hard times, she has some sound advice for other women and families going through something similar.

“It’s not easy, but make sure you take your time, ask all the questions and have a doctor you’re really comfortable with.

“Seek professional help and emotional support – this is a very hard thing to go through. One of the things that kept me going was that I wanted to make sure I had ‘done everything’ to give us the chance of having another child – and that there was nothing more I could’ve done,” she says – though the most important thing Alex has learned is that you have to “be kind to yourself and don’t blame yourself” if you miscarry.

“A lot of women feel guilty, and I get that – you beat yourself up when something goes wrong – you think ‘what did I eat that day?’ and it’s hard not to blame yourself. But don’t. These things unfortunately happen, that’s what the statistics say, and it could happen to anyone.”

Alex wants her story to be one of hope, and last year created The Full Termers running team “to raise funds for research into the prevention of stillbirth, helping mothers to bring their newborns home safely.”

“The reason I’m doing it is because I want other people to have good outcomes like I was able to. If we can fund the research and support people like Professor Walker and her team, we can make a difference – we want other people to have good outcomes, and at least if I can get a team together and raise some money, maybe doctors can see patients every day if they need it, and people can get the support they need.”

If you are concerned about your health, book an appointment with your GP who will be able to advise a correct treatment plan.