Welcome

Welcome to the POZ/AIDSmeds Community Forums, a round-the-clock discussion area for people with HIV/AIDS, their friends/family/caregivers, and
others concerned about HIV/AIDS. Click on the links below to browse our various forums; scroll down for a glance at the most recent posts; or join in the
conversation yourself by registering on the left side of this page.

Privacy Warning: Please realize that these forums are open to all, and are fully searchable via Google and other search engines. If you are HIV positive
and disclose this in our forums, then it is almost the same thing as telling the whole world (or at least the World Wide Web). If this concerns you, then do not use a
username or avatar that are self-identifying in any way. We do not allow the deletion of anything you post in these forums, so think before you post.

The information shared in these forums, by moderators and members, is designed to complement, not replace, the relationship between an individual and his/her own
physician.

All members of these forums are, by default, not considered to be licensed medical providers. If otherwise, users must clearly define themselves as such.

Forums members must behave at all times with respect and honesty. Posting guidelines, including time-out and banning policies, have been established by the moderators
of these forums. Click here for “Am I Infected?” posting guidelines. Click here for posting guidelines pertaining to all other POZ/AIDSmeds community forums.

We ask all forums members to provide references for health/medical/scientific information they provide, when it is not a personal experience being discussed. Please
provide hyperlinks with full URLs or full citations of published works not available via the Internet. Additionally, all forums members must post information which are
true and correct to their knowledge.

Author
Topic: Am i nuts? (Read 4014 times)

I have somthing I wanted to share and get a bit of feed back, insight on the forum.

Ive recently started a new relationship with my HIV positive Bf. Im a gay dude and well..so is he..I am HIV negative. My bf does not enjoy condoms..and frankly, neither do I..but I have always been safe and only ever barebacked with neg guys ( usually bf's) and he has only ever barebacked with poz guys and hasnt used condoms " in a year" as he says.. We use condoms together but We are kind of at a crossroads and I found myself daydreaming the other day about just infecting myself so that we could have sex and live happily ever after. This is not somthing Im seriously considering, just being open for the sake of discussion on the forum, as it is actually..a thought that crossed my mind. Neither of us are completely satisfied sexually yet all other aspects of the relationship are amazing. We connect on so many levels. Is it nuts to consider infecting yourself with HIV?...Again this is just an open question on the forum for sake of discussion. Please dont jump down my throat, i just wanted to know if anyone has ever considered this...Just a thought...how much different is life with HIV?

.... He told me he would wear a condom at all times but has slipped up to the point where I dont think he is able to actually consider using condoms with anyone other than me..I think if WE were able to bareback he wouldnt feel the need to bareback outside of the relationship and potentially put both of us at risk for other stds. ...

(Scratches head)... Are you arguing that in order to potentially reduce the risk you will be exposed to some generally treatable and less serious STD's, you think you should risk HIV?

That doesn't make any sense.

Your post suggests that there are other reasons in the back of your mind around intimacy, connection and faithfulness that you don't want to talk about directly. But you might benefit if you did.

I have somthing I wanted to share and get a bit of feed back, insight on the forum.

Ive recently started a new relationship with my HIV positive Bf. Im a gay dude and well..so is he..I am HIV negative. My bf does not enjoy condoms..and frankly, neither do I..but I have always been safe and only ever barebacked with neg guys ( usually bf's) and he has only ever barebacked with poz guys and hasnt used condoms " in a year" as he says.. We use condoms together but We are kind of at a crossroads and I found myself daydreaming the other day about just infecting myself so that we could have sex and live happily ever after. This is not somthing Im seriously considering, just being open for the sake of discussion on the forum, as it is actually..a thought that crossed my mind. Neither of us are completely satisfied sexually yet all other aspects of the relationship are amazing. We connect on so many levels. Is it nuts to consider infecting yourself with HIV?...Again this is just an open question on the forum for sake of discussion. Please dont jump down my throat, i just wanted to know if anyone has ever considered this...Just a thought...how much different is life with HIV?

(Scratches head)... Are you arguing that in order to potentially reduce the risk you will be exposed to some generally treatable and less serious STD's, you think you should risk HIV?

That doesn't make any sense.

Your post suggests that there are other reasons in the back of your mind around intimacy, connection and faithfulness that you don't want to talk about directly. But you might benefit if you did.

Thanks for writing..

I just wanted to write this post to see if anyone who was neg had ever considered that?..I want to have a relationship with my partner, but at this point, I dont trust that he will be able to bag it up outside of the relationship. He said he would but has slipped up after he said he would wear condos outside of the relationship. Im considering ending the relationship..I like the idea of being comletely intimate with my partner, if we are speaking about intimacy..I think it is fair to say that sex without condoms is more intimate with some one that you care about.. I know he cares about me and is careless having bb sex..I am not seriously considering infecting myself.. Im more seriously considering ending the relationship!!... so we can both find partners who can satisfy us.

That is where im at..But Im a bit bummed out because like I said, the relationship is great on so many other levels, just not the sex..wanted to know the pitfalls to deliberately infecting yourelf with hiv ( in know how silly that sounds, just curious to know if life changes all that much with hiv??)

I have somthing I wanted to share and get a bit of feed back, insight on the forum.

Ive recently started a new relationship with my HIV positive Bf. Im a gay dude and well..so is he..I am HIV negative. My bf does not enjoy condoms..and frankly, neither do I..but I have always been safe and only ever barebacked with neg guys ( usually bf's) and he has only ever barebacked with poz guys and hasnt used condoms " in a year" as he says.. We use condoms together but We are kind of at a crossroads and I found myself daydreaming the other day about just infecting myself so that we could have sex and live happily ever after. This is not somthing Im seriously considering, just being open for the sake of discussion on the forum, as it is actually..a thought that crossed my mind..but we are in an open relationship, and when my partner has sex with other men outside of the relationship he barebacks. He told me he would wear a condom at all times but has slipped up to the point where I dont think he is able to actually consider using condoms with anyone other than me..I think if WE were able to bareback he wouldnt feel the need to bareback outside of the relationship and potentially put both of us at risk for other stds. Neither of us are completely satisfied sexually yet all other aspects of the relationship are amazing. We connect on so many levels. Is it nuts to consider infecting yourself with HIV?...Again this is just an open question on the forum for sake of discussion. Please dont jump down my throat, i just wanted to know if anyone has ever considered this...Just a thought.

Thanks

Well, at least you realize that by not using condoms, you're at risk of contracting HIV from your partner.

That said, there are few things below that I don't think you have thought out well.

Quote

We are kind of at a crossroads and I found myself daydreaming the other day about just infecting myself so that we could have sex and live happily ever after.

You have it right when you call this a daydream. Living happily ever after with HIV? The joy of the expense of HIV medications. The thrill of waiting for your regular lab tests to see if your meds are still work. The ebullience of having to tell others that you are HIV+ (unless you are aboslutely 100% sure you will never have another sexual partner again). The rapture of the stigma that comes along with being HIV+ (and, believe me, you will experience it). The pleasure of the side-effects of certain HIV medications. Oh, and the giddiness you will experience if your medications don't work and you end up with horrible diseases like PCP pneumonia. Yes, the members here will tell you what it's like to live happily ever after with HIV.

Barbara, please!

Quote

Is it nuts to consider infecting yourself with HIV?

In a word, yes. But really, I suggest you talk to a counselor or therapist. You do realize that once you're infected, there's no going back, don't you?

Regards,

Henry

Logged

"Life in Lubbock, Texas, taught me two things: One is that God loves you and you're going to burn in hell. The other is that sex is the most awful, filthy thing on earth and you should save it for someone you love." - Butch Hancock, Musician, The Flatlanders

You should know that this is not AM I INFECTED. That forum attempts to maintain a science-based objectivity. These other forums do not.

Oh, and this thread SHOULD be in SOMEONE I CARE ABOUT HAS HIV, methinks.

Your questions were answered, and thoroughly, by Ann and myself in the other forum

Your relationship is great on so many levels - except the one where your BF seems incapable or unwilling to wear condoms consistently when he shags other people, despite your saying on more than one occasion that this is a deal breaker.

If you wear a condom when you have sex with him, you will be protected against HIV. However the odds are strong that, sooner or later, he will acquire another STD and so will you.

If that's OK with you, if you can both chuckle over the musfortune, take your treatment, and go on no harm/no foul, well cool.

Judging from your posting history in AM I INFECTED, that's not likely.

You seem to want to find a way to make his behavior fit into your moral compass. It doesn't. So you can change your moral compass (which you have already done, since he, not you, wanted the open long - distance relationship) or you can let him go so that the both of you can be happy with other people.

And now you are actually floating the notion of deliberately infecting yourself with HIV to be closer to him, so you can have bareback sex.

That's one of the more elaborately fucked up things I have read on this forum in a while. Thanks for that.

I honestly don't know where to even start with that. What's the Big Deal with having HIV? Really?

(and to well-meaning pozzies who try to comfort the newly diagnosed by saying HIV is No Big Deal, enjoy the fruit of your efforts, kthksbai)

Why don't you read some of this forum? Just take an afternoon, a cup of chai tea, and peruse the tales of trying to find insurance to cover Atripla. Or the side effects of the meds, which range from liquid shits forever to psychotic breakdowns.

Funding these medical treatments and the regular doctor visits and lab work requires great insurance, huge assets, or extreme poverty. Forever and ever amen.

Living with HIV means fighting the incredible stigma associated with it, or living a lie. Both are exhausting. Both can be isolating. This is not a disease for the frail of heart. Which is ironic, considering low self-esteem is a common way many of us got here.

And if - by some remote chance, this long-distance relationship with the man who refuses to respect your desire to keep STD free - ends, then you will experience the joys of dating in the gay community with HIV. THAT, my friend, takes courage and strength. The ability to face rejection based on nothing more than failing one of the "D" requirements in "DDF."

Having HIV is not easy. It's certainly doable. I've managed for almost 20 years myself. In more or less abject poverty, with multiple hospital stays and often month after month where dragging myself to a computer constitutes the sum total of my energy expenditure for the day.

If you think living with HIV is No Big Deal, think again. You are HIV negative.

You do not have to deal with the bullshit that comes from having a chronic, "manageable" illness. Not financially, not socially. And you are thinking - and asking those of us who have lost dozens, hundreds of friends and family and partners to this dreadful, soul-sucking disease, whether or not you should go ahead and seek it out?

Read about people who fucking struggled for years to try and stay alive, even with the new, life-saving meds. Who died as recently as last August. By suggesting what you are, you shit on those memories, ignore those struggles, and minimize their loss.

Your HIV status is a gift. And when it's gone, it's gone for good.

So with all due respect. please seek professional help.

You should know that I spent a good ten minutes with my finger poised over the keyboards before posting "please seek professional help." My initial, and strong inclination was to post a more succinct two-word suggestion that would, in retrospect, at least have been the safest sex you could have.

Logged

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

Well, at least you realize that by not using condoms, you're at risk of contracting HIV from your partner.

That said, there are few things below that I don't think you have thought out well.

You have it right when you call this a daydream. Living happily ever after with HIV? The joy of the expense of HIV medications. The thrill of waiting for your regular lab tests to see if your meds are still work. The ebullience of having to tell others that you are HIV+ (unless you are aboslutely 100% sure you will never have another sexual partner again). The rapture of the stigma that comes along with being HIV+ (and, believe me, you will experience it). The pleasure of the side-effects of certain HIV medications. Oh, and the giddiness you will experience if your medications don't work and you end up with horrible diseases like PCP pneumonia. Yes, the members here will tell you what it's like to live happily ever after with HIV.

Barbara, please!

In a word, yes. But really, I suggest you talk to a counselor or therapist. You do realize that once you're infected, there's no going back, don't you?

Regards,

Henry

Henry, That made me snicker and the point u were trying to make is crystal Gayle clear!..

You should know that this is not AM I INFECTED. That forum attempts to maintain a science-based objectivity. These other forums do not.

Oh, and this thread SHOULD be in SOMEONE I CARE ABOUT HAS HIV, methinks.

Your questions were answered, and thoroughly, by Ann and myself in the other forum

Your relationship is great on so many levels - except the one where your BF seems incapable or unwilling to wear condoms consistently when he shags other people, despite your saying on more than one occasion that this is a deal breaker.

If you wear a condom when you have sex with him, you will be protected against HIV. However the odds are strong that, sooner or later, he will acquire another STD and so will you.

If that's OK with you, if you can both chuckle over the musfortune, take your treatment, and go on no harm/no foul, well cool.

Judging from your posting history in AM I INFECTED, that's not likely.

You seem to want to find a way to make his behavior fit into your moral compass. It doesn't. So you can change your moral compass (which you have already done, since he, not you, wanted the open long - distance relationship) or you can let him go so that the both of you can be happy with other people.

And now you are actually floating the notion of deliberately infecting yourself with HIV to be closer to him, so you can have bareback sex.

That's one of the more elaborately fucked up things I have read on this forum in a while. Thanks for that.

I honestly don't know where to even start with that. What's the Big Deal with having HIV? Really?

(and to well-meaning pozzies who try to comfort the newly diagnosed by saying HIV is No Big Deal, enjoy the fruit of your efforts, kthksbai)

Why don't you read some of this forum? Just take an afternoon, a cup of chai tea, and peruse the tales of trying to find insurance to cover Atripla. Or the side effects of the meds, which range from liquid shits forever to psychotic breakdowns.

Funding these medical treatments and the regular doctor visits and lab work requires great insurance, huge assets, or extreme poverty. Forever and ever amen.

Living with HIV means fighting the incredible stigma associated with it, or living a lie. Both are exhausting. Both can be isolating. This is not a disease for the frail of heart. Which is ironic, considering low self-esteem is a common way many of us got here.

And if - by some remote chance, this long-distance relationship with the man who refuses to respect your desire to keep STD free - ends, then you will experience the joys of dating in the gay community with HIV. THAT, my friend, takes courage and strength. The ability to face rejection based on nothing more than failing one of the "D" requirements in "DDF."

Having HIV is not easy. It's certainly doable. I've managed for almost 20 years myself. In more or less abject poverty, with multiple hospital stays and often month after month where dragging myself to a computer constitutes the sum total of my energy expenditure for the day.

If you think living with HIV is No Big Deal, think again. You are HIV negative.

You do not have to deal with the bullshit that comes from having a chronic, "manageable" illness. Not financially, not socially. And you are thinking - and asking those of us who have lost dozens, hundreds of friends and family and partners to this dreadful, soul-sucking disease, whether or not you should go ahead and seek it out?

Read about people who fucking struggled for years to try and stay alive, even with the new, life-saving meds. Who died as recently as last August. By suggesting what you are, you shit on those memories, ignore those struggles, and minimize their loss.

Your HIV status is a gift. And when it's gone, it's gone for good.

So with all due respect. please seek professional help.

You should know that I spent a good ten minutes with my finger poised over the keyboards before posting "please seek professional help." My initial, and strong inclination was to post a more succinct two-word suggestion that would, in retrospect, at least have been the safest sex you could have.

Thanks for writing.Im sorry, i didnt mean to shit on those memories and meant NO disrespect. The truth is, i ended the relationship with that guy last week.It was a deal breaker for him to be compromising my own health and his.My question stemmed from the fact that I have this window of time to wait and find out whether he potentially may have infected me ( i topped him, condom broke, he may or may not have had an sti but was undetectable..) and im mostly just looking to hear the reality of living with HIV in the event that I test positive. I think seeing as how u read my posts in the " am I infected" forum its apparent that I have some pretty intense anxiety on the subject. Part of my dealing with the possibility of being infected is making peace with the fact that I might very well be. Im just trying to manage some of the anxiety I feel in this situation Iam in..which is all relatively new to me.

You should know that this is not AM I INFECTED. That forum attempts to maintain a science-based objectivity. These other forums do not.

Oh, and this thread SHOULD be in SOMEONE I CARE ABOUT HAS HIV, methinks.

Your questions were answered, and thoroughly, by Ann and myself in the other forum

Your relationship is great on so many levels - except the one where your BF seems incapable or unwilling to wear condoms consistently when he shags other people, despite your saying on more than one occasion that this is a deal breaker.

If you wear a condom when you have sex with him, you will be protected against HIV. However the odds are strong that, sooner or later, he will acquire another STD and so will you.

If that's OK with you, if you can both chuckle over the musfortune, take your treatment, and go on no harm/no foul, well cool.

Judging from your posting history in AM I INFECTED, that's not likely.

You seem to want to find a way to make his behavior fit into your moral compass. It doesn't. So you can change your moral compass (which you have already done, since he, not you, wanted the open long - distance relationship) or you can let him go so that the both of you can be happy with other people.

And now you are actually floating the notion of deliberately infecting yourself with HIV to be closer to him, so you can have bareback sex.

That's one of the more elaborately fucked up things I have read on this forum in a while. Thanks for that.

I honestly don't know where to even start with that. What's the Big Deal with having HIV? Really?

(and to well-meaning pozzies who try to comfort the newly diagnosed by saying HIV is No Big Deal, enjoy the fruit of your efforts, kthksbai)

Why don't you read some of this forum? Just take an afternoon, a cup of chai tea, and peruse the tales of trying to find insurance to cover Atripla. Or the side effects of the meds, which range from liquid shits forever to psychotic breakdowns.

Funding these medical treatments and the regular doctor visits and lab work requires great insurance, huge assets, or extreme poverty. Forever and ever amen.

Living with HIV means fighting the incredible stigma associated with it, or living a lie. Both are exhausting. Both can be isolating. This is not a disease for the frail of heart. Which is ironic, considering low self-esteem is a common way many of us got here.

And if - by some remote chance, this long-distance relationship with the man who refuses to respect your desire to keep STD free - ends, then you will experience the joys of dating in the gay community with HIV. THAT, my friend, takes courage and strength. The ability to face rejection based on nothing more than failing one of the "D" requirements in "DDF."

Having HIV is not easy. It's certainly doable. I've managed for almost 20 years myself. In more or less abject poverty, with multiple hospital stays and often month after month where dragging myself to a computer constitutes the sum total of my energy expenditure for the day.

If you think living with HIV is No Big Deal, think again. You are HIV negative.

You do not have to deal with the bullshit that comes from having a chronic, "manageable" illness. Not financially, not socially. And you are thinking - and asking those of us who have lost dozens, hundreds of friends and family and partners to this dreadful, soul-sucking disease, whether or not you should go ahead and seek it out?

Read about people who fucking struggled for years to try and stay alive, even with the new, life-saving meds. Who died as recently as last August. By suggesting what you are, you shit on those memories, ignore those struggles, and minimize their loss.

Your HIV status is a gift. And when it's gone, it's gone for good.

So with all due respect. please seek professional help.

You should know that I spent a good ten minutes with my finger poised over the keyboards before posting "please seek professional help." My initial, and strong inclination was to post a more succinct two-word suggestion that would, in retrospect, at least have been the safest sex you could have.

No i never thought about getting infected so I could bareback in a previously sero-discordant reslationship where I couldn't.Wben I was HIV- and my bf was HIV+ the difference was one of many differences between us. Iknow there are some people who really can stand condoms but using comdoms wasn't such a drag for me personally.

If you really really want to be a cowboy and have the sex that you want with this guy, maybe he should be on HAART and undetectable. There's still a risk of tranmission, but at least you have radically reduced it. That choice might seem reasonable. Going bareback with an HIV+ lover who is not undetectable and expressly sayimg you might as well convert - that choice seem self-harming, romantically immature, and fetishy.

Logged

“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Loa, I've merged your two identical threads here into the one you started in "Someone".

I have pointedly and repeatedly asked you to read the posting rules that govern your activities here, as an hiv negative member. Yet I come here this morning to find that you started a thread in the Living forum, after I expressly told you that you may only post in Am I, Someone, and Off Topic (where you may not post about hiv).

I'm very tempted to give you a time out. I'll give you a pass one last time, but if you continue to disregard our rules, you WILL be given a time out. Make no mistake about it.

You're trying to hang on to this guy by appeasing his appetites, regardless of the potential consequences for you. I did that too, years ago when my partner - the love of my life - hated condoms and refused to use them. I knew he was sleeping with other women but I turned a blind eye, thinking the worst he could bring home to me was something like chlamydia. WRONG! The only STI he brought home was the big one - hiv.

If I had to do it all over again, I'd insist that if he was going to go outside our relationship, that he used condoms. I'd insist that he used condoms with me. But I didn't have the self-esteem back then that I do now. I thought our relationship was more precious than my health. Again, WRONG!

I suspect that poor self-esteem is at the root of your situation too. Anyone with any self-respect would not knowingly permit a partner to put their health at risk, no matter how much you "connect on so many levels" with him or her. Sex without a condom lasts only a matter of minutes, but hiv is FOREVER. Trust me and the others when we tell you that it just ain't worth it.

I agree with Jonathan - you need professional help. You need to examine why you're willing to put your life-long health at risk for a serious, deadly illness for some guy you only recently met. You need to examine why you BB with guys who tell you they're hiv negative - when it's well known that this method of hiv prevention DOES NOT WORK. You need to examine why you're willing to become hiv positive and figure out how to change that - before you no longer have the option.

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Loa, I've merged your two identical threads here into the one you started in "Someone".

I have pointedly and repeatedly asked you to read the posting rules that govern your activities here, as an hiv negative member. Yet I come here this morning to find that you started a thread in the Living forum, after I expressly told you that you may only post in Am I, Someone, and Off Topic (where you may not post about hiv).

I'm very tempted to give you a time out. I'll give you a pass one last time, but if you continue to disregard our rules, you WILL be given a time out. Make no mistake about it.

You're trying to hang on to this guy by appeasing his appetites, regardless of the potential consequences for you. I did that too, years ago when my partner - the love of my life - hated condoms and refused to use them. I knew he was sleeping with other women but I turned a blind eye, thinking the worst he could bring home to me was something like chlamydia. WRONG! The only STI he brought home was the big one - hiv.

If I had to do it all over again, I'd insist that if he was going to go outside our relationship, that he used condoms. I'd insist that he used condoms with me. But I didn't have the self-esteem back then that I do now. I thought our relationship was more precious than my health. Again, WRONG!

I suspect that poor self-esteem is at the root of your situation too. Anyone with any self-respect would not knowingly permit a partner to put their health at risk, no matter how much you "connect on so many levels" with him or her. Sex without a condom lasts only a matter of minutes, but hiv is FOREVER. Trust me and the others when we tell you that it just ain't worth it.

I agree with Jonathan - you need professional help. You need to examine why you're willing to put your life-long health at risk for a serious, deadly illness for some guy you only recently met. You need to examine why you BB with guys who tell you they're hiv negative - when it's well known that this method of hiv prevention DOES NOT WORK. You need to examine why you're willing to become hiv positive and figure out how to change that - before you no longer have the option.

Ann

HI Ann..

I am sorry again Im not getting the basic rules of this forum..i DID actually read it but obviuosly not very thoroughly..I wont post in any other category I promise...I dont know why this is so hard for me..

As for my previous post...I WAS not seriously considering infecting myself for this person. That would be insane.. i mostly just wanted to confess that I had thougth about it, and when I say thought..I mostly only considered the fact that my relationship would be less challenging, but OBVIOUsly did ot consider the ramifactions on the health end. But this is a forum for open discussion. I prefaced the post with the fact that I would NEVER knowingly put my health at risk i just wanted to know if anyone in a serodiscordant relationship had ever considered it. I guess there are things that are ok to think but not say.. I was mostly looking for support on how to navigate the ins and outs of this type of relationship and spark a bit of dialogue with anyone in a serodivergent relationship who might chime in with some " oh I feel you".. " Ive been there..but"....I would never expect anyone to say that is somthing that I should actually do!!..I would say they needed to give their head a shake.. I guess I didnt present it i the most articulate way..because I honest to god had ZERO intentions of turning myself into an HIV postive man..I would sooner check myself into an assylum if that was actually in my head.

Anyway..

My relationship with this guy is bitter sweet. I did not mean to be insulting or irresponsible or disrespectful. i just want to explore all the information out there and hear from people so I can gather enough data for myself to make an informed choice. I think the type of relationship Iam in would be much easier with a guy who wasnt so turned on by the idea of barebacking and/ or promiscuous sex. Its a weird place to be stuck in: between a rock and a hard place; not comfortable in it..and not comfortable out of it. Im from asmll town in Canada and this is NOT somthing I have ever been exposed to in my entire life..PLease forgive me if I come across as a naive asshole.

I spoke to my guy last night. He said alot of the reason why he had bareback sex outside of the relationship after he told me he would use condoms was that he felt like at any minute, I could drop him for " the perfect neg guy"..He said his insecurities about feeling like a " sub class human' ( his words not mine)..were made more intense by the fact that I had anxieties and fears and concerns.

Its all a bit of a pain in the ass. It would be so much easier if It wasnt so hard to walk away.. He is a really soft hearted guy..and I feel really good with him. I supose instead of figuring out all the ways I could be with him I might have to start figuring out methods to get over it and walk away.

He opened to you. You could respond that you don't want to walk away from him because you like him. Explain that you want HIV to be a secondary concern. Tell him about your questions to this forum. Sounds like hes starting to talk and if you start to talk together maybe you can work out the way that the relationship can continue. No harm in trying. It can't go on as it is.

In a nut shell sounds like you both would be comfortable with the security and love of a relationship where each person respects the other's needs and boundaries.

Logged

“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

He opened to you. You could respond that you don't want to walk away from him because you like him. Explain that you want HIV to be a secondary concern. Tell him about your questions to this forum. Sounds like hes starting to talk and if you start to talk together maybe you can work out the way that the relationship can continue. No harm in trying. It can't go on as it is.

In a nut shell sounds like you both would be comfortable with the security and love of a relationship where each person respects the other's needs and boundaries.

Amen Mecch!

thats somthing we defintely both need!..BUt a bit like walking in a mine field sometimes!..geesh

Well, I can think of a lot better things I'd like to do with my time than waiting to see the doctor, waiting to see the case manager, waiting to get my prescription refilled. And I can think of a lot better things to do with my money than paying co-pays and deductibles for my medical care and prescriptions. Not to mention the stress of worrying about what the drugs are going to do to my body in the long term. Oh yeah, and it could have been avoided by wearing a condom, which doesn't feel so bad after all. Besides, if a guy doesn't respect me enough to want to keep from making me sick, then what in the hell would I be doing with him?