I wasn’t going to watch the tape because I prefer my porn stars who handled their teen pregnancies the way their exploitative boyfriends and stepdads taught them would be best for their onscreen vaginas.

However, like most chicks, I dig James Deen’s work. He’s cute and has a big shlong. If he wasn’t completely soiled in body and soul, I’d take him home to meet my parents.

Plus, the title of the sex tape intrigued me.

Backdoor means butt sex.

I like my porn filthy, if Farrah doesn’t let James stick it in her bum I don’t want to watch.

They better not just be luring us in with this “Backdoor Teen Mom” title only for Farrah to only let him sink the pink doggy style for five minutes while grunting and grimacing like a gorilla in labor.

James Deen knows how to work the booty hole, and this chick reportedly got almost $1 million for the tape.

If there’s no butt sex I’m suing Vivid for false advertising. And then crying.