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Friday, March 8, 2013

You've Been Heard! (Follow-Up to "Maiden Name" Post)

Your responses to last week's "Can I Take My Maiden Name Back?" post are, in a word, awesome. When you put something out there that defies tradition and the norm and then proceed to solicit feedback, there is no telling what will come back to you. Fortunately for me, all of you laced your comments with tact. Thank you! Here is a brief overview:

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8of you were/are excited to take your husband's last name

6of you never questioned taking your husband's last name

6of you felt/feel conflicted about changing your last name

7of you kept/plan to keep your maiden mane

1of you hyphenated your last name

1of you has never thought about it

3of you made your maiden name your middle name

3of you didn't express your opinion but said "Do whatever works for you!"

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Although there is a wide range of views, I sensed that most people agree that the only "right" way is for each couple to do what is "right" for them, and that makes me happy. I did get a few questions, too, so I thought I'd answer all here:

You're this far into your marriage, so why does it matter now?
1.) It matters to me. I'm very close with my family.
2.) My husband has no ties to his biological father and is indifferent about carrying on the name.
3.) See answer to next question.

Would the headache be worth it?
My cousin's family of five changed their last name to my maiden name in honor of the family, and they are so happy they made the switch. Additionally, my best friend's mom took back her maiden name years after having children. I think that if it is important to the person, the headache is worth it.

Did you consider making your maiden name your middle name?
I didn't want to part with my middle name either, because I'm named after my mom, so my maiden name is a second middle name. (Evidently, I just like complicating things.) Second middle names/initials are not permitted on IDs and credit cards, so it doesn't much matter.

Did you consider hyphenating your name?
We wouldn't want to hyphenate our names, but we've joked about splicing our names! I think one version is really beautiful and the other is silly. If you've Skyped with me, you know the silly one. :)

All in all, thank you for every comment, message, and tweet about this! I love that blogging gives me the opportunity to engage in conversation with so many people, alike and different. Just remember: We're all different, so it only makes sense that our marriages will look different. Celebrate that!

Your first post to this is one of my favorites. Most people wouldn't be so bold and honest to lay it all out. I do love seeing how everyone responded. I think choosing your last name is like choosing your husband, no one decides for you. Unless it's prearranged!

I went back and read the first post and honestly, I think if the two of you do not feel a connection to his last name then why keep it? I loved taking my husband's name and I didn't ever really feel a connection to my maiden name. I like my husband's last name because of how much history (including an immigration over from Lebanon and the original last name being 'Aoun' and getting misspelled over at US immigration) and meaning there is around it. It makes me happy to give my daughter that last name. Anyway, I'm glad that you are letting this all out and really opening up the conversation because not many women really discuss stuff like this or share their opinions. I am curious to see how this all goes for you in the end! Thanks for sharing :)

Hey girl! So I'm late to the conversation, but I say do what you want and feel is right. Most wouldn't act on it even if they were debating it.

I think when I got married I just figured it was what you do out of respect and tradition, so I didn't even think about it I just went with the norm. But I was actually really excited to be connected to my husband that way.

Looking back now I sometimes miss my maiden name, but I probably won't change back since I have grown to love my new name as well.

I appreciate your insight on this topic so so so much! I actually would fit into the "never thought about it - but sad to give up my maiden name" club... hence why my maiden name is now my middle name. But since reading your post and the following comments, I now can say that I support anyone's decision for keeping or changing their name. Some reasons, I never thought about, but are totally convicting. And if it's convicting enough of a reason for you to change it, then go on girl (or guy)!! :)

I changed my last name to my husband's father's last name, but my husband uses his father's and then his mother's (being Mexican and all). So a lot of people (Americans) make the mistake of calling my husband by his first name and second last name (his mother's). Which means that most days, even though I changed my last name to his, we aren't called by the same last name. Which makes me wonder why I changed my last name. Sigh.

But I think if you feel a strong connection to yours and he doesn't mind either way, then go for it! I totally would.

I loved the update, Lindsay! I actually just thought of you yesterday because I saw an article online that said "Why doesn't the man just change his last name?" It's such an interesting topic because of the history of taking a man's last name, but also because a name is so significant in a person's life.

I changed my first and middle names last year, and I got many, many questions as to why I did so. I've been through a lot in my life and it was one way to stand and say, "This is who I am. This is how I want to be known." I don't see why last names should be any different.

I honestly think it is up to each couple to decide what is right for them. Taking the man's last name is purely a cultural norm. In many cultures, it is not even considered.

At this point, I've decided to take my husband's last name when I get married. But it is a conversation I look forward to having with him.

I love that you are bringing this conversation into the open. I hope your continued journey with this topic is both fun and easy! If you want your maiden name back, and your husband is okay with it, I say go for it. Best of luck!

This is so interesting! I've actually never heard of a man taking his wife's last name, but hey, if that's what you guys want I say DO IT!

I come from an extremely traditional family, and they all would've been horrified if I didn't take James' last name. My cousin got married several years before me, and his wife hyphenated her name which didn't bother me but my family was all up in arms over it, which I think is ridiculous. Clearly, I am NOT traditional and I love when people change the norm. I took James' last name because I wanted to, but I do find myself missing my maiden name on occasion. And I kept my middle name because I love it.

I love everything about this post (that I went back and read the first one too) I am one of those people who didn't think twice about changing my mind (but i'm not sure if I didn't think twice because I felt like I "had" to change my name, does that make sense?) I am also one of those who took my maiden name as my middle name (my dad actually asked me to because he didn't want me to loose Galligan... and my mom when she married my dad, she took her maiden name as her middle name too)

I think you should do whatever you want to, who cares what people think :)

In a Nutshell

Middle child. Working girl-mom of one. Married to my work crush that I swore I'd never date. My spirit animal is a mix of Sara Bareilles, Joanna Gaines, and a cat. A Ravenclaw married to a Gryffindor. Taking forever to finish my MBA, because #Parenting #Adulting #EducationReimbursement. I can go from feeling like a champ to a failure in parenting in three seconds flat, so basically, I'm nailing this first-time mom thing.
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