Monthly Archives: November 2012

I feel head over heels in love when I was 14. I then lost the love of my life when I was 22. I had his five month old baby in my arms when I found out. I remember getting the news at 5:00 am and thoughts of just disappearing completely seemed more feasible then doing a bottle feeding or diaper change in the next 45 minutes. I was envious that he had died and escaped the pain. It’s sick to recall this feeling.

This Valentine’s Day will mark 6 years since that fateful day. It’s hard to believe. Where does the time go? I remember thinking my life was over. I remember thinking that I done for. I remember just the total sense of loss. How could I go on? How could I ever love again? I was 22 and my life had no foreseeable future with the man I had spent most of my young life dreaming about.

After he passed away I spoke with a spiritual medium. Judge me if you must. It was an incredible experience. The medium told me that David would leave me dimes in the most random of places as his way of showing me he is with me, in my moments of joy and sadness. Today I found a few such dimes. It made me smile. Is it possible that he is doing more for me and his daughters now, than he did while he is here? Am I just a nut, or am I just hopeful that everything has more meaning than it appears on the surface?

Ok so I admit. I have been somewhat leery about trusting in and having faith in people. I try to remain positive but I have been let down a lot lately. I am thinking I give out my trust to people who won’t earn it too easily.

I have my reasons just like everyone else. But just when I was about to give up hope, my hope was restored.

Earlier this morning, I slid into a van. I braked hard and slide on ice for about 6 feet wildly before mildly going bumper to bumper. The woman did not call the cops. She genuinely saw the concern in my eyes for her well-being and she took my phone number and name and went on her way.

Another good Samaritan fixed my windshield wiper today. No charge, onsite service and with a smile, with no obligation of payback in any form. The wiper broke the other day en route to work. On the highway, of course. As its drizzling freezing rain and misting dirt and mud from all the work trucks in Fort Mac, like it seems to do for 6 months of the year, I am one month of 6 in.

I am so grateful so these two very small and very simple acts of kindness. Bless these people for their consideration of me today. Bless them for their simple acts of kindness. Bless them for thinking of me in the run of their day and helping in small ways which really saved me.

Soo, like I said, this guy that loaned you the car certainly deserved everything you gave him and more… but lets think about this for a minute. I would have likely done the exact same thing but I’m working hard to become a leader and a better/wiser person. I figured I would share what I’m thinking as this is new me. The problem that you were really facing is that you were dealing with a human being. Your not dealing with a creature of logic. This guy has emotions, feelings, pride and more. When we tear into people or give them the silent fuck you, no matter how wrong they are, the response is going to be to defend themselves. So if he made you feel like YOU were being the bad person, its probably because that’s exactly what he thinks!

For example, in the early 1900’s there was a mass murderer in NYC, went by the name “Two Gun Crowley”… when the police caught him and asked why he did it, he told them “I am a weary heart, a kind heart and one that would never intentionally do anyone any harm, I was simply defending myself.” You may find this example extreme however my point is that Crowley truly believed he had done nothing wrong and the more he was accused, the more he wanted to defend himself.

It is my goal these days to try my ass off to not criticize others. The best results are when we try to put ourselves in other peoples shoes and come to a neutral resolution. Otherwise, its just human nature to blame everyone but ourselves. So make sure you don’t feel like you did anything wrong to this guy. He probably was telling his buddies how he gave you his car while he was away and they were probably all like “Oh, man YOU ARE IN!” haha. Anyways, just thought I’d share a little of what I was thinking about the human psyche. Like I said, its just food for thought.

It’s also great to see a lady that stands up for herself so keep it up =)