Sunday, June 27, 2010

I haven't really written in awhile because I've been at a loss for words ideas. The past few weeks have essentially been the same ol same ol: me partying [Kiss and Fly is a new favorite], me socializing [I have met some dynamos that I hope stick around] me worrying [money or the lack of, do I need a 5th pair of black pants?], me scheming [I somehow managed to make my rent and then some without putting one hour into actual work. Miracles. Young moolah baby!]. But anyways. When I dug deeper, I realized I had something to write about. Something quite important actually.

I have been learning a lot about myself [my personality, my physical body, how I truly want my life to be] and am amazed at how much life-changing information I've come across in these past few weeks alone. It wouldn't have happened had I not put myself out there and talked to what were essentially, strangers. I enjoy taking the risks that others shy away from and because of it I steadily become a better person. Hi-five!

There are a few things I am now heavily concentrating on. One of them being my mental and physical health. I watched the documentary Food Inc., and that movie along with befriending a very intelligent raw foodist has inspired me to change my diet. As a current 5'4, 105 lb woman [who has never surpassed 118 lbs] I can't say I've worried all that much about what I ate [although I was conscious of fatty foods and excessive sugar]. I was definitely more worried about clogged arteries and cavities than weight gain. But although I don't stand to gain a pound, I feel as if the food I'm eating is affecting me in other ways. I often feel lethargic, I have dark circles under my eyes and breakouts that fail to cease unless I'm hyper-vigilant or drugged, I often feel soreness in my back and I'm always thirsty. You might be thinking "What's the big deal? I'm sure many other people experience these symptoms." But this shit is not normal. It can't be normal. I'm only twenty-two. I want to be able to concentrate, to actually remember things, to not feel exhausted after 5 hours of being awake, to not feel ache-y and nauseous and dehydrated.

I have started to find healthier alternatives for things I already eat [I now try to buy organic, and try to stick with all natural foods - seeing an "artificially flavored" tag on a label now sends a chill down my spine], I have eliminated some foods entirely [cheap fast food I'm looking at you], and I've been looking into such things like alkaline water, colon cleansing, and smoothies made with organic, fresh fruit. But in the end, I know that we all have vices and with that being said, Pepsi and I [let's add Starbucks and Papa John's to that equation] will not be parting ways anytime soon. Despite the cavities! [I just discovered one yesterday.] But I did make some sort of progress; instead of a big ass bottle of pop, I bought a 6 pack of small cans, which I indulge in sparingly and mostly, guilt-free.

Another thing I'm focused on is my career. This seems like an endless [and oft mentioned] process, but I feel like I need to start taking steps in some general forward direction before I.. well.. before it's too late. The deal is this: I have worked so many different jobs [Nanny, Student, Shopgirl, Hostess, Freelance Writer, Secretary, Intern, Assistant, Real Estate Agent] and have become unenthused [is that a word?] with almost all of them as fast as I've become interested in them. This just says to me that I've been doing the wrong things. I've said it before and I'll say it again... My dream is to run a business [somewhere in the creative realm] not because I desire money or crave power, but because that is what I am suited to do. That is what my personality is made for. I am built for leadership, I am built for business, I am built to get shit done in an organized way. I want to build beautiful things. I want to inspire truth and freedom and love. I believe in those three words those three sentiments SO wholeheartedly that I am inking them on my body to live on me forever.

I am still not positive what it is that I will and can do right now, but I'm taking steps forward - starting with this here blog. You can now go to www.BlueShame.com to read my words. Baby steps y'all! Things are getting so intense mentally for me that I'm considering cutting people off [a thought that has been heavily echoed from friends who are at the top or trying to get there]. All leeches, nuisances, naysayers, downers, slackers... [also ugly people...] they gotta go. For my own good.

And now last but not least. I want to work on creating a clear and positive head space. A few months back, a good friend of mine and I were jokingly discussing being on our "Goddess Status" by the first day of summer this year. Goddess Status meaning, have everything perfect or close to it. From the physical to the mental, our goal was to be pretty and primed and ready to go. It's funny how sometimes the things you often think or discuss end up coming to fruition. It was a little joke at first, but now it seems like things are coming together, and other things just fell into place on their own due to me just being myself. I've noticed this phenomenon [of words coming to life] to be the case whether the chit chat is positive or negative. Pay attention to this quote:

Watch your thoughts, for they become words.

Watch your words, for they become actions.

Watch your actions, for they become habits.

Watch your habits, for they become your character.

Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.

Think back to some past events in your life and then read this again. It might not make sense at first. But this is the total truth. Now repeat it to yourself until it sticks. I know I'm gonna be putting an array of "You can do it!" and "You're amazing!" post-its around my mirror [hey, any little bit helps!]

The reason I need to remember to think positive is I'm a worrier by nature. Growing up in an unpredictable household created this anxious personality. I am also a perfectionist. And a control freak. Oh and needless to say, I like things to be very organized. So you can only imagine the chaos that is sometimes my life [funny how that works huh?] I need to stop worrying about money and wasting time because you know what ends up happening? I spend so much time and energy worrying and stressing that nothing gets done. I get locked in a negative damn bubble because I just can't figure out what I want to do. With anything [most of the time]. And then guess what happens? I worry more. It is an ugly, vicious cycle. Yes I'm aware that this is crazy. But it goes to show you the power that my mind has over me.

That's why I'm going to feed it, and nourish it, and baby it. Because my brain's in a dead zone right now. I need a mental overhaul. My shit is so fried I can't even tell you what I did two days ago. Seriously. I'm roasted. I'm supposed to be reading this book to help me with that... The Science of getting Rich. And while I'm at it, I should probably take a gander back over to my copy of A New Earth.

I'm crossing my fingers and studying hard. And then I'm goin innn on that positivity like Lil Wayne goes in and goes hard [or go home!]

Remember to be smart and never doubt your intellect. [Thank you to the dynamic individual who made me realize the aforementioned. It was my personal A-Ha! moment* and I'll never forget it.]

Sunday, June 13, 2010

I read a lot of different blogs, and you can often tell what people are about by paying close attention to their underlying themes. Sometimes the main topic is intentional, sometimes it's the byproduct of the blogger's unconscious. What do they write most passionately about? I think it's obvious that my modus operandi revolves around establishing a fruitful career, making people feel good and bad about themselves and having fun/getting shit poppin in the meantime. I'm all about networking, mingling, my career and the making of it. Which brings me to a topic that most New Yorkers and Los Angelites will understand/have experience with. This conversation might fall into the "When keeping it real goes wrong" category but whatevs.

I've come across a lot of people who are "friends" with or are in constant contact with celebrities. A lot of these same people are struggling in their personal lives. Broke, unemployed, drunk, lost, in a rut. Are you putting two and two together, like so, like me? What I'm sayin is, you better milk the hell out of that shit! Use that shit to your every advantage and do so with a smile, okay?! This might seem weird coming from me, because I'm not a user. You may not have known that, but now you do. Lady Blue has cut off many a person regardless of what they could do for her, solely because they were annoying/unfit/useless/ugly. The way I see it, why would I want their help or connections if I don't like them anyway? Lady Blue believes that fake smiles are not the business. I'd rather do without and handle my ownnn[see: the last few years of my life].

With that being said, we're talking about celebrities now. People who on some marginal, very very vapid level, you may actually like. People who to some degree, major or average, could really help you. That is, if you have any talent or finesse to speak of. If you have none of that, click the X in the top right corner of this screen, go back to being vanilla and recommend this blog to all your awesome friends.

Now, let's look at the facts also known as the reality. You and this celeb are not best friends, and you probably never will be. Ninety-nine percent of the time, it's safe to say they don't even trust you. I wouldn't. The most you will get out of this relationship is the perk of a facebook status update along the lines of "Eyyy... I'm chillin at Avenue drinkin' wit Kanye West!!!" [And by that we'll all know you mean he's three tables away.] Woo-hoo. What's that gonna get you? Nothing except accolades from your homies who are also doing nothing. Yay.

All I'm saying is I wish I had a BlueShame promotional sticker when I met all these celebrities, including Whitney Port - I'm trynna get my ass a cameo on "The City"! I'll settle for the sassy ethnically ambiguous friend of a friend role. I'd even be willing to write up my own guest appearance. What's that? Oh yes, yes, I know "The City" is a reality show. Duh.

But I digress.

I don't think that people should make overt efforts, or even aim to meet celebrities in an attempt to coattail off their success or harangue them with your nonsense [not that they would allow either or but you get my drift]. It should really be subtle, and honestly, if your talents are all that spectacular, all you need to do is segue ever so slightly to the right [because you know where to the left takes you], make a brief introduction to your talent, hand over that business card/material and keep it moving. If they check it out, great. If they don't, then you just wasted a business card and a napkin wiping the shit off your nose. The best way to ever so subtly remind them of exactly what it is you're trynna do here is when they ask how you're doing. You should respond and say "Oh nothing, just been working on my art/cross-stitch/LEGO spaceship" or something to that tune. Trust me, it will be a ding! on their radar. And if they still don't mention anything, well then, they're ignoring you on purpose. And in that case, it's time to move on and put in some of that good work towards someone else.

Remember to be smart and to get it in when the getting is good!

[Sidenote: I really wanted to name this post to "Milkin" but that reminds me of the saying "Something in the milk ain't clean" and that's not what this is about! Dammit! Conundrums...]

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Beginning last Sunday: I moved into my new apartment and spent wayyy more hours than I wanted to setting it up, ate at Punch, Coffee Shop and Stove; saw Shrek Forever After [fantastic!] and Sex and the City 2 [garbage], partied at Tenjune, Julliet's Supper Club, Amnesia and Greenhouse [reluctantly]; met a few dozen new people and hung out with friends, and let's not forget that I turned 22; all the while irritable and melancholy as a motherfucker. Every time I looked up, there was that goddamn gloomy cloud hanging over me that I just couldn't seem to shake. According to my swollen breastseses, seems like the monthly is on it's way. If this is how I'm gonna be feeling one week out of every month to come, I better look into getting drugs or something because this is some bullshit.

Anyway, despite my low morale, nothing was lost! And some friends unexpectedly came through for me this week, so that was nice - it's interesting to find you mean so much to the people you barely spend time with. I'm genuinely glad I can make people smile and that they in turn easily do the same for me. It's always the people you don't expect!

So yes this was an odd week. Especially odd because I ran into three different people from my past, and it had me feeling like "Damn do I really know that many people in New York or are the circles I run in just that small?" Questions. Although I do some of the same things, methinks it's probably the former. That and the fact that I never forget a face, no matter how inconsequential. This has me recognizing a LOT of faces - all the more due to the prevalence of Facebook. Things like that definitely make me think twice about putting my face "out there".

Anyway let's talk about something that is crazy. Yesterday I realized why I will never reach success. Realizing that sucked. I wanted to cry. I can't remember the last time I felt that guilty. It doesn't often happen, but when it does.. oh boy. You wanna know what did it?

Why did I spend my last few dollars on CLOTHES [and accessories]...?! The few dollars that were supposed to go to my phone bill, and food in my fridge, and my metro card etc. The sad part is, I was on the checkout line for like ten minutes and had a chance to turn back. And did I? Oh no. I clutched that tank dress like my life depended on it. This is a sickness y'all. But on the flipside, I did get a pair of awesome, tropical-island style sandals.

Now here's to not starving and being able to actually step out of my house this week. Oh, and budgeting... or something.

Meet Lady Blue:

about the blog:

Here at the "Known as Blue" blog [formerly BlueShame] you'll find what's missing from the day to day - raw, fresh and real opinions, written by me, Lady Blue. Consistency is guaranteed.

I don’t care what you think, yet I love you. As a self described “compassionate snob”, I fancy myself a unique commentator on topics ranging from New York City, human behavior, news, ambition, pop culture, nightlife, dating, and fabulous women like who else? Myself.

I hope that "Known as Blue" can empower others to better and stay true to themselves; or at the very least, make them think and make them laugh. If you like my writing, feel free to share it with anyone of equally good taste!

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