My Life is Messy

I live with my two girls (4 and 6) and my ex-partner who is terminally ill – dying – of leukemia and lymphoma. At his last hospital appointment we were told his bone marrow transplant had failed and that he has months to live.

That was six weeks ago and I’ve been alternately swinging into practical action and mourning his loss.

The grief flows over me like waves, engulfing me when I least expect it.

Mostly, when someone is kind to me and asks “How ARE you?”.

On those days I’m thankful for the recent sunny weather and the fact that I am able to wear my sunglasses at the school gates.

I am an only parent – through adoption – and through choice – and every day I juggle being a mother, a carer, a coach, a mentor, a sister, a daughter and a friend.

Most nights I don’t get enough sleep. Sarah, my four year old still makes her way into bed with me at some point during the night and snuggles onto me like a limpet on a rock – as close as she can be.

Some days I eat the nutritious, healthy foods that nourish my body and give me the energy that I need to bounce through the day.

And some days, only mainlining coffee and feasting on pain au chocolate give me the boost I crave.

I’m not the perfect parent.

Sometimes I yell at the girls to “move it” when my 57 requests to put on their shoes have fallen on deaf ears.

(As it turns out, it’s one set of literally deaf ears – Sarah is due to have hearing aids fitted in a few weeks’ time)

My life is messy.

Last week one of our cats – Portia – was hit and killed by a car in the single track lane outside our home right in the middle of a sheep farm.

I share this not because I want you to write back to me and offer words of encouragement, sympathy or support.

Oh no.

I share this because I know that some of you may be thinking that you can’t do “X” until everything is perfect.

You can’t do “X” until you’re perfect.

You can’t do “X” until the stars are perfectly aligned.

Or until you’ve seen series of 111s, or 333s or white feathers everywhere.

I share this because no matter what is happening in my life – or your life – there is ALWAYS A CHOICE.

A choice to keep going.

To show up.

To do the work.

To be the best coach, leader, business owner, mother, sister, daughter, wife, partner, friend that you can be.

No matter how messy things may be, you have the POWER within you to make every dream – from the slightest whisper of how things could be to the biggest, boldest version of your vision for your life and business – a reality.

I know that it may not always seem like anything is possible, but believe me it is.

ANYTHING you put your mind to is POSSIBLE for you.

No matter what is going on around you.

No matter what you’re navigating.

No matter what obstacles may seem to stand in your way.

How do I know this?

I know this because I know that you are here for a reason.

You have a purpose.

You have a light – a fire – within you that is just bursting to shine brightly.

Ignite that fire.

Fuel the spark.

Celebrate how amazing you are.

Acknowledge how far you’ve come.

And each and every day, walk forward, with purpose, in the direction of your dreams.