A Christian Girl and a Muslim Boy

Question and answer details

Name of Questioner:

Tess Doneva

Subject (not all answers are published):

A Christian Girl and a Muslim Boy

Reply date:

2009-11-08

Question:

I am a Christian girl, in love with a Muslim boy. He is two years older than me, and we are from different countries. We met on the Internet, and after six months we met in person, and found out that we love each other more than ever.
However, the problem is that his father will not allow us to be together because I am not a Muslim. Even if I convert to Islam he said it is not correct for his son to be with me. He even does not allow him to call me or to have whatever contact with me.
How are we to improve the situation?
Is it so bad that we love each other?
What does Allah say about the love between a Muslim and a Christian?
Please give me some advice how to deal with all these bad things, and how to fight for my love. I want to observe the Islamic laws, even though that is not my religion, just because I respect my boyfriend and his family, but my love is too big and I want some day to be with him. Thank you in advance!

consultant:

Abdullah Abdur Rahman

Answer

Thank you for writing to us. Here are some thoughts for your consideration.

It is commendable that, in the context of your love for this young Muslim man, you wish to observe Islamic laws even though you are of the Christian faith. However, the main challenge here is not whether you and your boyfriend can build present love for each other into a long lasting marital relationship. Left alone to do so, it is quite possible that a man and a woman might translate their love into a marital relationship. However, the reality is that the young man and his parents are from a different religious and cultural background. In the religious and cultural imagination of his parents, there is just no allowance for their son to have a premarital relationship and only a remote possibility exists that they can imagine their son being married to a Christian woman from a different cultural background. It is not “bad” that a man and a woman love each other because love itself is an emotion which has been made real by Allah, our Creator. Within Islamic teachings, it is possible for Muslim men to marry righteous and pious women from among the Christians and the Jews, however, it is best that you seek a local Muslim religious leader to achieve a better understanding of the conditions under which such a marriage would be allowed.

You mentioned that his parents are not willing to accept you even if you become a Muslim. We do not encourage people to become Muslim just for the pursuit of earthly goals such as marriage. A person must independently study the faith and come to the realization that he or she wishes to become a Muslim on his or her accord. Given the circumstances of his parents refusing to let their son have anything to do with you, the only option for you is to come to the painful realization that you will have to let go of this young man. Your heart will tell you that it is not possible to let go of this man that you love, but continuing to be involved with him will only make you love him more and the possibility that you can actually be with him will continue to be nonexistent.

Finally, we urge you to seek help from your family and trustworthy friends. Turn to them for advice and listen to what they have to say. It is most likely that they too will want to save you much heartache and pain. Breaking off all contact with him is the only way you will be able to allow time to heal your broken heart. Thank you for writing to us and we wish you the best.

In-Depth

Editor's Choice

"One of the wives of `Umar (`Atikah bint Zayd) used to offer the Fajr and the `Isha' prayers in congregation in the Mosque. She was asked, "Why do you come out for the prayer though you know that `Uma...