Dez

Untitled

Copyright Dez

I started cutting when I was eleven, I had already been away from my dying
mother for six months because my dad took me to Georgia I guess for a
“hideout”, mom had cancer and was getting worse. I had nobody to call, mom
was in the hospital and I didn’t even know the address of the house I lived
in. I became desperate to get out. Then the worst happened, my father
started to hit me, violently, I’d have bloody noses and bloody eyes, he
raped me one night when he was drunk but after that, he didn’t hit me so
much and I didn’t realise how much I had actually enjoyed the pain. I
started to cut, really deep at first. It was nice to see my own blood every
now and then. After all that, after he took me back to Texas to see my mom,
I stopped cutting for a while. I met a boy, Vincent and we loved each other
so so much. One night, he started to cut and I pleaded and begged him not to
and he told me to fuck off because he had seen the scars on my wrists from
before. I tried to explain why and it made him very mad. He told me he was
going to kill my father, I tried to stop him but I couldn’t. He went up to
my dad and told him not to ever lay a hand on me again. He punched him and
my father beat him up, badly. After that, Vincent didn’t want to see me, not
even talk to me, my dad started hitting me again but I kept my mouth shut
and didn’t tell Vincent. I didn’t cut then and my scars started disappearing
but I was in deep depression, my dad started to think I was doing drugs, so
I started to because it sounded like a good idea. I did weed like every day
and Vincent started calling me and seeing me, he told me he was sorry and
wanted to be with me, we agreed to have sex. He had a few problems, my dad
started hitting him too, his dad died and his mom turned into an alcoholic
after his father’s death. He went away early to go home one night and the
next day, I went over to ask if he was OK and his mother cried to me.
Vincent had committed suicide. My heart broke, I grew up at that second. I
tried many times to join him. I started cutting then, deeper than ever, I
never loved any one after that, didn’t think I could. But a few months ago,
I met some one who has been through most of what I have and he’s the nicest,
most understanding person and I love him, he made my heart beat again, I
promised him I would not cut any more and I have held to that promise for a
month now, my mom’s doing fine, she even found a boyfriend that we now live
with, we get in a lot of fights but he’s OK, my dad’s in jail now because he
was caught trying to rape a little boy but he’ll be out in about a year.