Joined: 01 May 2007Posts: 1080Location: in that cool mountain air, on an appalachian trail

Posted: Mon Apr 29, 2013 5:37 pm Post subject:

I know for a fact that I still have my tenderheart bear and funshine bear stuff animals, as well as my pretty bit popple and butterbear wuzzle.

...and it's only right now that I realize how many "girly" toys I had growing up, especially when you add in the rainbow brite figures. and to be honest I'm pretty far from the poster child of growing up to be a manly man despite having feminine toys but just the idea that men have to be "manly" is a big part of the problem. I also used to routinely sneak out the the house during rainstorms to play with my tonka trucks in the mud pit that would form at the edge of our yard. toys and books are supposed to be fun for kids, that's really all that's important about which ones that they choose: that they enjoy them._________________FormerlyGreen_Finn

Joined: 01 May 2007Posts: 1080Location: in that cool mountain air, on an appalachian trail

Posted: Wed May 01, 2013 8:59 pm Post subject:

so, I think what we can all take away from this respectful conversation we've been having about rape culture is that the care bears had some creepy ass villains for a kids show._________________FormerlyGreen_Finn

so, I think what we can all take away from this respectful conversation we've been having about rape culture is that the care bears had some creepy ass villains for a kids show.

When you think about it, a LOT of shows from that era had dark, dark themes.

I mean, in the Transformers Movie, Optimus Prime DIED. And there wasn't any of this "AND HE COMES BACK FROM THE DEAD", I don't think? (I was not a transformers person, I admit, it is just something I have been made aware of.)

Heck, even in the 90's, there was some heavy, heavy stuff. Like Dinobot sacrificing himself in Beast Wars.

We should make an Old TV Show Nostalgia Thread now, shouldn't we._________________"No, but evil is still being --Is having reason-- Being reasonable! Mousie understands? Is always being reason. Is punishing world for not being... Like in head. Is always reason. World should be different, is reason."
-Ed, from Digger

I grew up in a religious family, one that strongly encouraged abstinence before marriage. I think there is a strong correlation between that practice and developing some serious fucked up ideas about sex. I don't fault the practice itself but rather the complete lack of discussion about sexual impulses and expression and a total absense of explanation of why abstinence is encouraged. Even for the devout, "Because God said so" resolves as much emotional conflict as "Cuz." At best we might get offered the explanation that you don't want to have kids too early, but that just justifies contraception or other forms of sexual intimacy; it fails as an argument for abstinence.

So a young person is left with this obligation to be abstinent and no emotional understanding of sex at all and this overwhelming perception that premarital sex is evil. So their sexual desires must also be evil, right? That's the only conclusion they are left with, leaving them to feel ashamed of their sexual desires which only perverts their ideas about sex further. This leads down a long and twisted road of rationalizations and feelings of "forbidden fruit" towards anything remotely sexual. In this mental place, reason is virtually absent and anything is justifiable because they no longer identify with their sexual impulses. Those are just evil and that's not who they really are, so personal responsibility is gone.

When I finally got married, it was an ongoing and brutal process to break down all of the bullshit walls I had built for myself as a defense against sex. I look back at all of it and realize just how unnecessary it was to build up all of that in the first place. I mean, if anyone had talked to me about the emotional connection that can take place through having sex, the trust that's required to let someone in that close to you, physically and emotionally, about what sex means to your partner or other people and that the impulses are natural and mean nothing other than impulses, I would have had a healthy attitude about sex overall and could have reasonably dealt with being abstinent. But as a rule, that's not how religion is taught.

So far, dating advice I've gleaned from this article. Don't. Hire a prostitute. And if you want to be 100% sure that you won't be paying child support, stick it in her butt. Because sex is about your gratification, after all, and emotional connection is for losers who won't get anywhere in life.

Joined: 01 May 2007Posts: 1080Location: in that cool mountain air, on an appalachian trail

Posted: Fri May 03, 2013 4:51 pm Post subject:

TIAB wrote:

I grew up in a religious family, one that strongly encouraged abstinence before marriage. I think there is a strong correlation between that practice and developing some serious fucked up ideas about sex. I don't fault the practice itself but rather the complete lack of discussion about sexual impulses and expression and a total absense of explanation of why abstinence is encouraged. Even for the devout, "Because God said so" resolves as much emotional conflict as "Cuz." At best we might get offered the explanation that you don't want to have kids too early, but that just justifies contraception or other forms of sexual intimacy; it fails as an argument for abstinence.

So a young person is left with this obligation to be abstinent and no emotional understanding of sex at all and this overwhelming perception that premarital sex is evil. So their sexual desires must also be evil, right? That's the only conclusion they are left with, leaving them to feel ashamed of their sexual desires which only perverts their ideas about sex further. This leads down a long and twisted road of rationalizations and feelings of "forbidden fruit" towards anything remotely sexual. In this mental place, reason is virtually absent and anything is justifiable because they no longer identify with their sexual impulses. Those are just evil and that's not who they really are, so personal responsibility is gone.

When I finally got married, it was an ongoing and brutal process to break down all of the bullshit walls I had built for myself as a defense against sex. I look back at all of it and realize just how unnecessary it was to build up all of that in the first place. I mean, if anyone had talked to me about the emotional connection that can take place through having sex, the trust that's required to let someone in that close to you, physically and emotionally, about what sex means to your partner or other people and that the impulses are natural and mean nothing other than impulses, I would have had a healthy attitude about sex overall and could have reasonably dealt with being abstinent. But as a rule, that's not how religion is taught.

I was raised in a strict irish catholic family and despite shedding religion in high school I have no doubt that that upbringing is responsible for the distorted view of sexuality I struggled with in my late teens/ early 20's. (not so much with sex itself but with my own sexuality)_________________FormerlyGreen_Finn