Day: April 9, 2011

So today up up up like a ghoul that wouldn’t die, came this confusion over self-care v. selfish-care. Somehow, intuitive, or what, we see that word “self” and throw up our hands. There always seems to be that guy, or it could be that girl, let’s call her Terri, who acts like a two-year old, who can’t think about anyone but herself and does what she wants. She is toxic to her family and throws her perceived needs in their face faster than they can turn their heads. That’s not good for them or for her. That’s not friendly.

Self-care may or may not be doing what we want, Terri. If we are fortunate enough to have it be what we want, great. If not, the end goal is still the same, and still great. It is friendly to us. Self-care does just that, cares for us responsibly. We don’t need a mother or a police officer or the government to strong-arm us to do it, because we WANT to take care of ourselves.

Self-care may or may not be doing what is consistent with our temperament. Achilles taught us that. The grazer may never want to get in the barn, but in the end, find herself at the jaws of a wolf. The barn animal may never want to graze and, well, you get it… fill up the barn with poop and such. It’s just not good.

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Let’s use sleep as an example. Just as a generalization, grazers tend to enjoy the late hours.

I don’t get any time to play if I don’t stay up and that’s not good for me. If I plan my play, it loses spontaneity and then it’s not play any more.

You don’t have to be a grazer to think this sounds delightful. But here’s the thing about this. If we don’t get our deep sleep, our sleep hours, do sleep hygiene, in short – if we don’t sleep well enough and long enough we don’t heal. We don’t replenish our hormones and neurotransmitters which predisposes us to mental and physical illnesses and decreases our ability to respond to psychotropic medication.

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I’ve seen regular, restorative sleep bring someone from a place of mental decline to no longer needing psychotropic medication. Everything works better with sleep.

Ah today I drift some. Point being, doing what we want is not the same as being friendly to ourselves. It can be a VERY different thing, or not.

Questions: How have you found that self-care has been what you wanted to do, or what you didn’t want to do? How did you overcome those barriers to getting friendly with yourself? Please tell me your story.