“In the Real World…” – Rory Miller

Thought for the day.
In the martial arts and self-defense, you hear a lot of crap about what will and won’t work in the “real world.” Everything is as real as it is, and no more. All things are what they are, and all only extrapolate so far. Written about all that before.

So everything happens in the real world, whether it’s on the mat, in a cage, around a poker table, over a chessboard, or in a mass holding cell. None of this is happening in the virtual world. (Yes, I know, you can play video versions of all of these, quit being cute and pay attention.)

Here’s the thought. Instead of defining what the “real” world is, look at all the things we say aren’t the real world and you notice that they all have the same things in common. When someone says, “that’s not the real world,” what they mean is a place or endeavor where:

You know the rules and
The rules are the way the game is really played
Monopoly or chess– everyone plays by the same rules and if you cheat you forfeit. But college grad goes into business, goes into his first negotiation and gets played–
College grad: “That wasn’t fair! He lied!”
Boss: “Welcome to the real world.”

This is a subconscious distinction for people. If it’s predictable, it’s not the real world. If it’s predictable, it doesn’t count. And of course it all does count, but only so far. I’m not arguing for the truth of this, mind you, just pleased to have found the words for a nearly universal unconscious distinction.

This does have some implications.

Even in games with rules, things are never predictable, but the rules are there to limit the unpredictability. In a match, no matter the sport, you can’t be sure what your opponent will do, but you can be pretty sure of what he won’t do. The boxer won’t kick, the the judoka won’t punch you in the face, the fencer won’t pull a gun.

We teach children through games with rules and the children are punished for cheating. Because we want them to grow up and not be cheaters. We want to condition them to believe that cheating is punished, because your brain equates punished with “doesn’t work.” This allows them to get along with other adults. This keeps people from screwing each other over. It also makes them patsies when someone else understands that the rules are artificial.

Yes. Artificial. Rules are not real, they are magical spells used to control the behavior of others. And like magic, rules only work on believers.

Because we start kids on rules and social conditioning so young, they all go into the real world carrying around a personal list of largely unconscious personal rules. Rules that control and limit their options, artificial restraints on behavior that can be used against them by anyone who doesn’t share the same internal rules.

The fifth implication. The real world is the place where, often, cheating isn’t punished, but rewarded. This is the elephant in the room. Cheating works. In the real world.