Guinness-beef stew & guacamole

In lieu of writing, I cooked today. And I don’t regret it. Now I can write all weekend with stew on hand to carry me forward:

GUINNESS-BEEF STEW
–One bunch of scallions, five onions, chopped and sauteed in 1 stick of butter and enough olive oil to please God.
–Oh wait, and garlic cloves. You’re going to want to press four garlic cloves into that bit while you’re still trying to soften the onions. You want the heat low; don’t caramelize those onions, even though if you were making them on the side for some steak they would be delicious and crispy that way. Mmmm, steak. I think I’ll barbecue this weekend.
–While that’s cooking, flour-dust some stew-beef cubes, and drop them in. Stir the whole mess intermittently till your beef is superficially browned.
–Add a bottle of Guinness. Take a sip for yourself. Why should the soup pot get all the fun?
–Add salt, pepper liberally, mustard powder with reservations about this crazy experiment of yours. Add about 2 Tbsp curry powder.
–Crush/chop/blend/mix: parsley, cilantro, rosemary, thyme and basil. It’s especially important you get those last two as finely ground as possible, unless you’re using fresh rosemary.
–So the whole thing’s on medium, right? Good. Let that Guinness soak in. Meanwhile you’re gonna:
–Peel and chop carrots, celery and potatoes. Well, you don’t peel the celery, unless you’re weird.
–Add veggies. Whee. Now add A quart of cream or half-and-half. A quart’s like two pints, right?
-You have the option of adding a couple of bouillon cubes (I use one chicken, one beef) but you probably have enough flavor by now.
–And you can add rice or barley if you really want, but the potatoes will pretty much do for you. Don’t get greedy.
–You may wish to thin out with milk or water, just so there’s some broth left in the liquid salad you just concocted.

While that cooks for an hour or two, you can make guacamole:

–Chop up half a red pepper, half a tomato, half a bunch of cilantro and one small onion.
–Cut a lime in half
–Slice open two avocados
–Mix in bowl. Do not yet mash up. Squeeze lime juice over the avocados so they don’t brown and also taste like delicious lime!
–Add either one fresh, crushed garlic clove or 1 tsp of garlic powder. Add salt and pepper, 1-2 tbsp olive oil, and voici est mon secret: 1 tbsp of balsamic vinegar and 1 tsp of soy sauce. Some people this because they are purists. But you know what? Screw them; it’s delicious.
–Now mash that son of a seadog into paste. Yum.

You can make your own tortillas, but it’s basically: brush with seasoned oil (olive or melted butter with herbs of your choosing), bake in oven for 5-10 minutes.