Revival #35

Dog: An intricate, two-pronged plan for eliminating someone’s mandible. She’s the best at what she does, because everyone else thinks it’s fucking dumb.

Lisa: This guy is really wishing he opted for the dental plan.

Man vs. Rock: This happens on the same day we allow women in combat?! I’m no conspiracy theorist, but this must have been planned by the Illuminati in conjunction with the Freemasons and all-powerful Pez dispenser lobby (after they did 9/11).

Aliens / Vampirella #4

Written by Corinna Bechko | Art by Javier García-Miranda

Dog: A comic so scary it will make you shit blood and hop!

Lisa: The fashion police are harsh. That headband is terrible but, really?

Dave: If I was a dead body I’d look away too.

Man vs. Rock: It’s simple, people! If everyone carried a weaponized alien with them, there would be much less alien violence and we’d all be much safer …

Savage Dragon #209

Written and Drawn by Erik Larsen

Dog: Wait, are we sure this isn’t the Alien comic?

Dave: Abstinence only: Not even once.

Lisa: On the plus side, she has a great ass for a pregnant, dead lady.

Man vs. Rock: Take that, Planned Parenthood!

Ixth Generation #7

Written by Matt Hawkins | Art by Atilio Rojo

Dave: Now that’s how you slap a bitch ass mouth.

Dog: Emo Lizard keeping his pimp hand strong.

Lisa: This is why I will never visit Sea World.

Man vs. Rock: On the plus side, that guy still has immaculate teeth …

Dave: Little does The Darkness know those were his best friends and lovers.

Dog: Even the Almighty will crack his enamel if he keeps grinding like that.