My Dad Saved My Life. And Then We Went to Burger King.

Recently, I may have suggested my dad was only one of the great things to come out of Long Island. The truth is, not a lot of people can do the things my dad does. Like, he can read in the car without getting sick. And hemakes really good steak. Not at the same time; don’t be ridiculous.

Oh and when I was 2, I was way ahead of my time and awesome I saw a swimming pool and was like, “Deep end, here I COME!” Bam, I jumped in to join my older brother and sister, and my chubby bum sunk straight to the bottom. Without a second thought, my dad lept in to save me, breaking his glasses along the way.

I think that’s why we get along so well. I could have been all, “Well, you brought me into this world, it’s your job to keep me here,” but instead I was like, “Thanks for that, Pop. One day I’ll join the swim team and make you proud stay afloat.”

As if that wasn’t enough, he used to take me on father-daughter trips to Bowcraft, this tiny, creepy amusement park next to a highway, and then across the street to Burger King. Those were the days, back when trans fat was what was for dinner, and winning enough tickets to get chinese finger cuffs was all you needed.

My dad is also a genius. I mean, yeah, okay, the real kind with a doctorate and Ivy League-y things, but whatever. I mean the practical kind of genius. Street smarts. Case in point: We used to go on long road trips in a small car, with all three kids crammed in the backseat. It was a recipe for disaster. So he came up with something called the Points System. We earned points for being good, and got them taken away when we were bad.

If we didn’t have enough points by the time we got to Burger King, we weren’t eating.

357 responses to “My Dad Saved My Life. And Then We Went to Burger King.”

One time we were playing softball. My Dad was pitching and I was at bat. I hit the ball, only to have it going sailing a few inches below his family jewels, right between his legs. I swear he breathed a sigh of relief.

That was very cute, witty, and fun! A very sweet homage to your father!

One time my dad got a good deal on some socks or something, and was overly excited and told me. Not interested, I replied sacastically, “WOW! Only in America are such great things possible!” And he replied enthusiastically, “No I’m serious, and I didn’t even have to steal anything!”
Awe, memories…

Hi! Came across your site while scanning through word press blogs. Really enjoyed reading the tribute to father’s day post. Its cool getting to know other people by way of blogs. Good information thanks and keep it up.

My dad might be the funniest guy I know. Growing up, though, we all kinda caught his sense of humor and started to realize that a lot of his funny quips and jokes weren’t original, but taken from professional funnymen.
So we devised a system to tell if we thought it was original or humor that had been ripped-off – we call it the 90/10. 90% of his material was stolen, 10% of his humor was original. When we thought some joke was awesome, it HAD to be a 90%er. If it was okay, we (usually correctly) called a 10%er.
I love my dad and he was the rightful choice to be the best man at my wedding. Pretty rad guy, that guy is…

The 90/10! That’s fantastic! He sounds like a great guy – I figure if he was trying that hard to make his kids laugh, he was doin’ something (or a lot of somethings) right! Is your dad in on the joke (so to speak!)?

Awww your dad sounds amazing. I mean, just look at that trucker hat! Are you on a leash in that picture? I imagine it must have been hard to restrain so much awesome. Also, you were such and adorable little girl!

ha ha My dad ROCKED the trucker hat and 70s/80s-style short shorts! I probably SHOULD have been on a leash in that picture – maybe I wouldn’t have fallen in the pool! LOL! “…to restrain so much awesome” – that really made me laugh out loud! Thank you 🙂

Hey – stumbled across your blog and was pleasantly surprised to see Bowcraft Amusement Park mentioned. I frequented Bowcraft, actually dropped a lot of quarters there on video games. I never got out of Jersey either. Check my blog at guypagano.wordpress.com. I wonder if we might know some of the same people.

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