Friday, February 28, 2014

^Today’s Highlight, Gretchen Rubin, author of this website and a few books on Happiness and Habits,

Today I’m choosing to write about people who inspire others thru changing the self-talk in their own minds. Once this habit is started it’s truly contagious and you want to share all about it.

Gretchen Rubin is interviewing Dan Harris, a fellow writer and author like herself, about happiness and habits. It’s truly a must read.

Self-talk and meditation is so overlooked as important, I truly believe this is also in line with my faith. For the Christians out there struggling with the meditation context and worrying its not of God. My personal favorite reference is www.openbible.com, online search, I can Google Biblical verses on Mediation and get a listing of all the verses in the Bible that list this topic. I check multiple websites but this one is my favorite for its simplicity and accuracy.

We are to make sure our mediation is pleasing to God, but we are called to mediate on His words. Mediation is in every culture including Christianity. It’s a calming way to manage your thoughts and get them in line with peace.

“Be still and know I am God, I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.” Psalm 46:10

These authors talk about happiness and habits and are not labeled with one particular faith online. I just wanted to bring up both their wonderful ideas and writing and try to bring around a more open minded mindset towards meditation and self-talk. How we treat ourselves and how we talk to ourselves does matter. Habits do effect our happiness. It’s why I am working on my diet, exercise, and health. It’s why I’m taking a dreaded budget class and a difficult Recovery course to face my flaws which I know I need to work on. I’m vowing to myself to keep my promises to myself and stop denying and isolating myself. It’s so hard to do this, but it has its rewards in time. I’m becoming more and more content and happy with my life. I have bad days still but I’m getting better.

I’ve decided to take a break from relationships, a true break where I’m not seeking them at all and won’t accept being asked out for a year maybe two. I want to reset myself and my mindset for a while. I want to see myself how I should see myself. People tell me I’m a wonderful, honest, smart, beautiful woman, but if I don’t believe in myself that won’t matter. I need to develop my roots in my beliefs, my faith, my direction in life, and learn to love myself first. Then I will attract a man worth finding instead of losers and users. I’m confident breaking bad habits is both in my hands as well as admitting I’m powerless to change my human flaws on my own. I’ve done a pretty big job of screwing it all up when I try to control everything around me. I cannot be at peace and who I am supposed to be without giving up my micromanaging of my life and the world around me.

Knowing where you fall short is half the battle, finding the courage to admit you cannot change your bad habits without changing how you see your habits and admitting the human tendency to sin is what it’s all about.

Thursday, February 27, 2014

This is life when the fantasy falls away. Waking up to reality. Divorce is such an ugly word. Meaningless wedding, can’t have happily ever after with only one person trying. Did I give up too soon? I’ll always wonder this. How can I walk away without torment? It’s impossible. It’s not that I miss what was, I miss what never happened, never existed. Life isn’t a fairytale, marriage doesn’t just work out. I didn’t know who he truly was, I wasn’t ready to battle such wars against addictions, deceit and betrayal. I pulled my weight long as I could, perhaps I’m weak. I know I can’t do it on my own. I’m turning to God for help, bring Him my tears and broken heart. Where did I go wrong? I didn’t put God first in my fairytale. I’m fighting depression, dragging myself out of bed in the mornings, no patience, no smiles, I have my moments of happiness but then reality hits me in the face again. Money issues, struggling thru as a single mom of two kids by different dads. Such shame and guilt is binding me, I hate who I have become. I’m a stranger to most people, unreliable, a solitude hermit, I’m hiding from life. It’s too hard to wake up some times. I get what needs to be done, done, but with less spunk and spirit. I’m here but barely smiling. I’m falling apart. Sick of being hurt, sick of how life has gone. I’m taking a break from people but that doesn’t seem to be helping anything either. I’m just stuck in this moment of tears, crying like I haven’t done since I found out about the other girl, I lost my job because of that, and now I’m here at a better job, but will this despair be the ruin of me? Today I cannot hide behind a mask, today I’m just hurting, disappointed in myself, and wanting help and comfort, something to make the nights less long, and mornings more cheerful. I attempted to run, got the stuff out and everything but -4 degrees is so discouraging. I want to run from this pain, perhaps I can gain the discipline to run in the mornings. It’s calling to me. I’m not sure why but my heart is longing to run, my body thinks I’m crazy, I’m out of shape, hate mornings and 4:30am is absolutely nuts, but I cleaned out my closet last night, found my running outfit, and set it out on my bed in sight. It’s calling to me. Is this the answer to my plea for mornings to be easier? How will this help? I’m not sure, but perhaps tomorrow I’ll get up and try. I’m not certain that I want to run, especially in the winter, out of shape, in the mornings, but it’s on my mind. Perhaps it’s the answer to my mornings of dragging myself along? The energy I’m needing and don’t have? I’m a step closer today, perhaps tomorrow morning I’ll try again. The issue is the word try, I lack the conviction to accomplish this unwilling task. No one wants to run in winter, early mornings, not at first. So I need motivation to force myself to start this. I’ll keep a journal of my days on here. Perhaps my struggles will help another reader get out there and try something they haven’t been able to try. Every day is a new day. I’ll have another chance tomorrow.

Wednesday, February 26, 2014

^The link between learning disabilities on the rise and GMO’s and chemically altered foods that are changing the brain

More of a reason that organic, homemade meals are best. Remove processed sugars, food dyes, and GMO produce from the diet and the learning disabilities disappear with the bad foods. Basically homegrown is best, home cooked is best, stores are hiding the MSG preservatives under different names on labels. If you don’t know how the food is made you are risking chemicals damaging your body. God knew best when He created us, altering the chemical makeup of the body with unnecessary things is dangerous to your health.

All natural, organic foods don’t have to be expensive. Weekly cooking and packing and freezing foods helps a lot. I need to make this a priority not just for myself but for my kids as well. If pregnant women are cautioned from eating things processed, should we consider the dangers of eating it when not pregnant too? What if poor food quality could solve the issues we’ve been fighting? Anxiety, insomnia, depression, OCD, learning disabilities, what if all those things stem from us as a society playing God and altering food and DNA of plants and using the power of new technology to do anything from researching DNA and thinking mankind can alter and solve any disease, prevent disease, and play God in the lab. Scientists have gotten lost in the marvel of technology which does amazing things but where is the line drawn? When does modifying the DNA of plants, and covering our produce and plants in pesticides get noticed for the health issues its causing. When do the citizens stand up and protest for the effects on our children and ourselves? Healthy bodies, healthy minds, right? So why wouldn’t we consider what chemicals we are putting in our diet, homes.

If we consider the lifestyle we have fallen into, quick easy foods are replacing great home cooked meals, fresh garden produce that is incomparable to grocery stores, a garden is what I want to make, have space for homegrown produce, shop farmer’s markets, buy grains from local farmers or Amish in the area, someday have the land to grow my own fields, I want to farm and learn to cook and prepare foods, give myself and my children the advantage of healthy meals without chemicals or mystery alterations from lab experiments in produce. I want to start running in the mornings. Set my alarm for 4:30, get up and around to run, and be back by 5:30 to shower and get around for work. I want time to help my kids get up in the mornings. Life changing ideas, complete diet change, starting to run early in the morning which I hate mornings, cold, and I’m out of shape horribly so, I need a steps tracker for miles, and to set myself up for starting it right away. Hmm, I’ll use this blog for accountability. I’ll promise to write tomorrow about how my morning run attempt goes.

My random rant post Board Meeting with my daughter’s school, trying to get a grip on what I can do to help myself and my girls get a better education and lifestyle.

Thursday, February 20, 2014

First let me make a comment about the phrase that caught my attention in this running mix, “Someone busier than you is running right now” guilt trip right there lol but it did catch my attention. I hope this mix helps motivate you as well.

I have found a good running music mix on YouTube and I wanted to share it with my readers J

I’m trying to talk myself into trying to run. Early mornings or on my lunch hour. Trying to get into shape as the healthy diet I’m on has me gaining weight right now. I’ve gone up 3 sizes and I think it’s time to tone up. I want to have the summer look early. Perhaps go tanning and running till Summer, start a garden as well so that I am outside morning and night watering my plants. Time to live a healthier lifestyle.

Good luck with the New Year’s Resolutions, guilt trips, and summer beach body goals. Hope this helps J

Wednesday, February 19, 2014

I’m taking time today to recognize the Native Americans and their Religious Freedom act passed in 1978. Freedom is a constant battle for even Americans today. I remember stories from my family of the one Native American that married into our family many, many years ago. That and living in NY state, I am very interested in learning about this culture that’s disappearing.

The peace of the natural and spiritual culture of these people is something I value. I consider daily taking more natural routes for health and mind. I believe in self talk helping sooth the mind, and of meditation and respect for land and nature. This culture is amazing to learn about and I hope you enjoy my blog and take a minute to learn something new about them.

Monday, February 17, 2014

^ I’m taking a moment today to talk about women and domestic violence, please read this blog about Chris and if you are able to share this or donate to her kids left behind, it’d help a lot. Let’s stop the silence on domestic violence. This blog about Honest Mom’s depression is also a great read for anyone struggling with depression and anxiety.

Remember that reading and sharing these stories helps stop the stigma on silence, helps end the shame and guilt about struggles so many women go thru. Judgment and hate towards moms going thru difficult times doesn’t help them or the children.

I’m having a wonderful time reading up on Deepak Chopra’s views on alternative science and love in this article and many others of his. I posted a quote by him on my work computer as well for inspiration.

*~* "The universe has no restrictions. You place restrictions on the universe with your expectations." - Deepak Chopra *~*

I am finding his views to be amazing encouragement and perhaps this article and his writing will encourage both the singles and the ones in relationships. “To find the right one, become the right one.” Very powerful phrases and ideas.

So many people focus on excuses, trying to find the “perfect” match. Love is so much more then brain waves and emotions towards another. It’s much deeper than that. I hope this man inspires you like he has for me today.

Okay stay with me on this idea; it’s my birthday so I’m writing on a debatable topic. Stay with me to the close on this post. J

Let’s start with a quote:

"The other way I've always read the quote Amy mentions is: The people who in one generation are totally singular because they were brave enough to challenge the system, in the next inherit their victories. We are all Gloria Steinem’s now -- without the fame, or course -- because we all have the rights that she fought for: to be single and financially independent and so on. So we are the private citizens who have the same rights as yesterday's public heroines." -Baumgardener (Third wave Feminism)

So I been thinking today women’s rights have come far but is it on track? We have gained our way into the work force and out of the housewife mentality, gained better healthcare like birth control and abortion, we’re gaining the equality rights to be like men and have choices. We didn’t want to stay home but do we have the right to choose now? I find it very difficult for stay at home moms to stay at home. The society pressure to have two working parents is very difficult on many mothers. I personally work because I need to provide for my kids as a single independent mom, but in a different culture wouldn’t I be urged to marry just to be taken care of?

Do I still get this pressure to settle down from society? Older generation women pressure younger moms to conform with what society expects, but pleasing people is impossible and irrational. They don’t even understand why “marriage to anyone” idea is being pressured on young, single mothers of this generation. The assumptions of why I am a mother at 24 to 2 kids is that; I’ve damaged, broken, (dirty words describing women inserted here) that I’ll leave out of this post, too independent, not a women of social grooming and higher standards. Perhaps I don’t fit in to the molds of society for a woman should be, is this battle internal or is it truly how the world views women still? Are we fighting our way out of the housewife position only to end up like a men finding someone looking to be taken care of? Do strong, beautifully independent women get lazy men looking to be taken care of? Or do strong men still feel needed around independent women? Men need to feel like they are needed. How can independence and feminism make men feel needed? If I can pay my own bills, live on my own and already have my girls, what would make a man feel needed or like he can take care of me?

My point in all this is, I still want the marriage, girly type lifestyle but I’m not able to stay home trusting a man to take care of everything for me. My kids are my responsibility, so where does that leave me? Forced by instinct to work and be essentially both a man and woman of the household, what relationships and society changes will that mean if women like me remain this way? Would I want a career man to swoop in and make me a housewife? Um, not sure that fairytale has ever been my ideal. Perhaps men are becoming more like housewives of the past? What happens in 40 years? When babies are created in test tubes, men are no longer the breadwinner of the households, and women get sick of working and can’t find men with confidence and independence enough to be the breadwinners anymore? Is this a reality or fear? Is this rooted in trust issues in men and society? Or is this a prediction of the wonders of new technology and feminism and the right to choose partners, ordering cookie cutter children, robots dominated society?

Lol okay that’s a bit of a tangent but honestly who knows what the future will hold. The better question is what do I want it to hold? What do I want from life? Is the career mindset holding me back or helping me? How do men feel needed if I’m not sure I want to need a man? I want an equal, someone who will work hard like me and find my work ethic as who I am instead of finding guys who want to be taken care of. If I’m seen as a successful person great but somehow that is a double edged sword with attracting the mindset of what that means for others. As I’m entering a new age with lots of perspectives changing daily still, I’m setting out to determine what exactly I want by also not being so concerned with the future. Sometimes this inner strength has provided me with choices, in society its not illegal to be a stay at home mom or even work just part time to help the husband, as well as being able to take care of your children as a single mom if there is no husband. The freedom of choices may not be fully accepted, it’s a judgment type of world we live in, but especially in America, we have the choices and the ability to choose our path or make our own path. I may never understand the mindset of a man, but that’s one process untacklable by anyone and no two people are alike. What the world holds I’m not sure but I do know I’ll always have the right to choose my path and I’ll never be stuck in a bad marriage due to being a housewife with no options so perhaps that is the change the feminist movement truly sought out, the right to not make up our minds and to change our minds often as we wish.

Today even Google has told me Happy Birthday! The search icon for Google was all birthday cake lettering and candles with a personal hover message saying “Happy Birthday Jennifer!” Today despite any setbacks in thinking or wondering what the coming years will bring my way, I am on my way to finding out what choices I’ll make along the way. Sometimes simply being happy, disagreeing on politics, opinions, and ideas are all a part of this life. The ability to wear yellow and orange to work today is a personal choice and freedom. The right to life, liberty, and freedom is what America is all about. The right to disagree is a freedom! I don’t have to agree with others if I don’t want to. Life is short, don’t blend in and get lost in the crowds. Stand up for something you believe in or get lost forever. There is a self-confidence found in being simply yourself. I don’t judge others on their different cultures, beliefs or opinions. That’s their personal choice and that is their right. My rights are mine as well. Americans should be allowed to celebrate our country in schools, our faith should be allowed to be practiced no matter what it is or where it is, intolerance to all is lack of understanding for differences. Differences are a beautiful freedom in America. People are human, we judge others within 5 seconds of meeting them and it takes years to change that first impression whether right or wrong it’s how people are. If we just allow instinct to rule us, then we are missing out on life’s true gifts, the ability to change perspectives, control how you react to situations, and the mindset of thinking anything can make a difference if you follow your heart and inner strength to change your instinct and change society by first changing yourself. It all starts with a simple thought, that inner thought can change the world forever if everyone took hold of this idea.

Imagine the possibilities of one person changing themselves and affect someone else to think different because of it? Imagine the ripple effects we can have just by being the best we can personally be for ourselves are others? Society is a living breathing community, one spec in the crowd starts walking a new path, what happens next? If she keeps walking even when no one follows, what happens next? Don’t you think curiosity about where that one person is going will kick in? What happens if that person gets followers and still doesn’t know where they are going? Some keep following, others go back, the destination isn’t important here. It’s the fact that one person does matter. Your thoughts and actions can change society and life as we all know it. You may not see the ripple effects but no one is apart from this concept. We all matter. We have changed our world every day by simply being ourselves for the good and bad, and each day is a new fresh start. Each thought is powerful tool for our future.

Monday, February 10, 2014

I've including the artist I'm currently listening to along with an amazing link to a Photo Journalism project on Native Americans. What I'm thinking about is how amazing these talented women are and that creativity and knowledge and talents go far but the true hidden gem here is how these women see themselves and carry themselves. It's their thoughts about life, love, and future shining thru their talents and how they carry themselves. Women with the inner strength and independence to love life as it is and can be are valuable to everyone. The power of intent and perspective are clearly shown here. Watching what you tell yourself is the essence of life. Intelligence starts with how you talk to yourself, actions are formed and attitudes begin with what you think when no one can hear you. Strength, peace, and the ability to succeed are all formed with that quiet voice you talk to yourself in. Greatness is formed with the ability to talk positively to yourself no matter what is going on around you. It's a working process, but when I reached my breaking point this past year I realized I'm able to change anything by simply viewing it differently. From dealing with divorce, car breaking down, major moves, family arguments, to panic attacks and more; I've realize the simple truth in thinking positive even when you don't feel positive. Writing 3 things I'm grateful for down each day to remind myself that I'm doing good. Shifting my mindset from victim, grief, and the negative to creator mindset, positve possibilities, and joy. I love photography and learning new things. I've always had this passion for writing and learning. Perhaps this blog is my outlit for creativity and I hope my words help a few of you out there to find encouragement in the hard times. Life happens, stress is unavoidable, things change and bad situations will always come up when you don't want them to, but you can control one important factor: You. You control yourself and how you react to things and what you do next. This mindset is worth finding and clinging to. It'll change your life, and it's a daily change but it'll lead you to your dreams. Dream big, never give up, be completely yourself, learn to love who you are and what you are thinking. It matters most in life to love yourself and be who you want to be without any apologizing, worrying what others think, or hoping negative things will stop happening. Life will never be easy for anyone, everyone has their secret battles and some battles are more public then others, but don't judge a person. No one can fully know another person.

I'll end this post with this: Don't stop becoming yourself. Loving yourself must come first. I hope you are having a great day blog fans :)

Hmm, where to start... So I'm Jen and this is my first time keeping a blog. I like writing, poetry, graphic design, I have a car with eyelashes on it, two daughters Briana and Sara who I'm completely crazy about, and I work for a large company in Corning. I've been thru quite a lot to get to where I am today, and I figured I'd write about my days and see what happens. Feel free to email me to offer tips, ask questions, and just to say hi. If you like my blog, subscribe, share the link, and comment :) I'd love to get feedback! Keep in mind this is an adult blog but I'll keep it public friendly in case kids come across this site, and I do ask that comments are helpful. Any complaints please private message me directly.