George Clooney ruins women

Dating George Clooney isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be. After he inevitably dumps you, no one will ask you out again because no one wants George’s sloppy seconds. According to Lisa Snowdon, one of his ex’s from three years ago,

“I’ve been celibate for a year and starting to think I may never have sex again.

“It’s not something I planned but I just don’t get asked out any more.

“Men seem to look at me and think, ‘She went out with George Clooney, what chance have I got?’ ”

“The hardest thing is dealing with people who think I was going out with George to further my career. In fact, offers almost totally dried up. People assumed I wouldn’t be interested in modelling again.”

Oh really? Lisa Snowdon, would you like to go on a date with me? See how I just invalidated her claim? Sounds like Lisa’s just being too picky. You’d think after a year of celibacy she’d jump at the chance of someone like me showing up at her door in a ski mask holding a 24 pack of condoms, grinning, drooling and hard.