You should of gone to specsavers.

I recently received a comment from a family member (Love you girl) asking me how you eventually just don’t care what people think anymore! How do we cope with the concerns over worrying what people think and how they perceive you to be? In answer to the question, we cant. We cannot control how others see us, despite what we show them, how much we show them, whether it is too little or too much; we can only do what we do and hope that people see us for who we are.

I have recently wondered about entering the online dating scene and was talking to a friend about it! I cringe at the whole online profile thing! What do I write where do I start? It is a bit like CV writing, you feel like you’re constantly saying “I can do this, I can do that, I am good at this and I can do that….” I find it awkward and never really know where to start and realistically how many people take the time out to read it? You then go on to arrange to meet someone and the anticipation, the expectation and the pressure makes you so worried over how they see you; are you going to be what they expected are they going to like you for you!?

My friend asked me “Do you show your full self-straight away” Instantly I was like NO!! And their response was powerful. They said;

‘If you want to meet someone who can truly love you, if he doesn’t see you for ages how can his behaviour or actions be justified; He’s not seeing the real you after all. Open book policy doesn’t allow anywhere to hide but makes everyone equal. You only guard your true self, not yourself from getting hurt”

Today when I saw the question the above instantly came to my mind! It doesn’t have to be someone you’re dating for the statement to relate; it could be friends, relatives, colleagues or anyone who you may come across. If we are not our true selves and we continue to have our guard up, worrying about what they see, what we do, how we are presenting ourselves then we are not being real. Everyone is so concerned about how we are perceived by others; I know I am. I want to be seen as a role model for my daughter and a brilliant mum, I want people to seen me as a writer, a hard worker, I want men to see me as a respectful woman. We want different people to see different sides to us but some of those things conflict so where do you end up? How do you balance being all those things at once?

Naturally we all like to impress and have people think positively of us, but when we try too hard and worry too much it all just seems like too much effort! It is more work worrying about how people see us than it is to simply have one person dislike you and it not really bother you!

Sometimes despite who we are and whether or not we give or show our true selves some people will have an opinion on us regardless and I have come to learn that this isn’t decided on what you have shown them or your actions but more so on who they are. We live in a world full of assumptions, misconceptions and misunderstandings. Some people will already have a preconceived idea of who you are before you have even said hello! This is purely based on their experiences, their upbringings, what they have seen, heard and what they believe. We worry so much about how they see us we don’t often realise that no matter what we do they will believe what they have told themselves (or in some cases what others have told them) so if this is the case, why not be just you? Surely you have nothing to lose anyway!

I don’t truly believe there comes a point in our lives where we just don’t care what people think and we are truly ok with being us! There is always something we want to improve or do better at. I always find the people who are the first to say “I don’t care what they think, they are all haters” are some of the most insecure and the ones who are the quickest to judge are the most lost. Different people in our lives will have different expectations of us, if we try and be everything everyone wants from us we will all be diagnosed with multiple personality disorder!

So in answer to your question Cuz, Just be yourself. Spend less time worrying about what they may think you are and just be you. Some people will like it, others won’t get it but at the end of the day the ones who need to will love and respect you for just being you. For those who don’t see you for the amazing mother, cousin, daughter, aunt, sister and woman you are, well then they should have gone to Specsavers.