Mommy, did you ever smoke?

I was taken back when my 5-year-old daughter, Paris, asked me this question as I was tucking her into bed last night.

I paused for a moment, not knowing how to respond. “Should I tell her?” I wondered. “I’m not prepared for this question. She isn’t supposed to ask things like this until she’s at least 10,” I thought.

“Did you ever smoke one of those stick things?” she pushed.

“A cigarette?”

“Yes, one of those. Did you smoke one of those?”

My mind flashed back to my first cigarette in the fourth grade. Amy Duebelbeis, an older girl who lived down the street, stole a box of Marlbros from her aunt’s purse (or something like that). Amy, her younger brother, Kenny, and I furtively puffed on them in the fort my dad built in the backyard. I remember coughing, hating the taste, and feeling guilty. That night I didn’t sleep. I was a wreck, sobbing under the covers. My parents heard me: “What’s wrong? What’s wrong? Why are you so upset?” they inquired. “I smoked!” I said. My parents laughed.

“Mommy! Answer me! Did you ever smoke?” Paris asked again.

“Yes, I did,” I admitted to her.

“Oh. Did you like it?”

“No, I did it only a few times and I didn’t like it. But your great-grandmother smoked a lot. And then she got sick. Smoking is really bad for you.”

“What kind of sick?”

“Well, she died.”

“Mommy, I don’t think I’ll smoke.”

***

This conversation made me think about all conversations that are ahead of me: “Did you have premarital sex?” “Did you do drugs?” “Did you cheat on your taxes?”

How will I deal with these questions? How can I turn these exchanges into learning experiences for my children? And how much am I prepared to reveal and admit?

Please share hard talks you have had with your kids. Do you have success stories to share?