Inability to compromise is a cause of divorce

There are many causes of divorce that studies and individuals would cite as the reason for the breakdown of marriages. From financial disagreements, lack of intimacy, to growing apart, lack of commitment, adultery or having different priorities, many would point to different events or reasons.

One important and often-overlooked reason for divorce is the inability for parties to compromise to help resolve disputes. In many marriages, people may feel as if they are not being heard. Many would similarly report that there were severe communication difficulties in the marriage. Over time, these communication problems can cause many marriages to go into a downward spiral.

These communication difficulties can often be the first problem in a marriage that can results in the other causes that many would cite. In other words, the communication problems, and inability to compromise, can be the first domino to fall. Once it falls, it can result in the lack of intimacy, the adultery, the growing apart, the financial difficulties and the other actions that result in the divorce.

Ironically, when the marriage gets so bad that a divorce is filed, there is a belief of many that the parties should settle quickly and amicably in order to end their divorce. Of course, settlement is a positive development for most parties, if a settlement is possible. No rational person would want to spend lots of money on attorney’s fees — and expend lots of emotional energy with a contentious divorce.

The reality is, however, that a settlement isn’t always easy for people who had communication problems in the first place. When the couple couldn’t communicate and compromise before, why do many think they can do it now when their property and debt is at stake, custody of their children is in play, and many other items that can cause individuals significant angst?

In reality, settlement is a good thing for most parties going through divorce, although settlement may not be easy. For many individuals, it will take collaborative practice, mediation or rigorous settlement negotiations over time for a divorce to conclude outside of court.