Friday, June 16, 2006

Pushed

For the past two days I have sat for 8 hours at table making chartpak sheets of how to make our school better.

Certainly making school better is a good and worthwhile thing to do, but the method in this case pushed me to edges of misery.

When I am teaching, and things get a little too much for my students, I know when to stop...when to back off. But there was no backing off here, there was no, no, no escape.

I know about myself I do very badly in tour buses following some rigid preplanned exhaustive tour. I want to escape... badly. Something comes over me, maybe it's rage, maybe it's insanity. Whatever it is, I have learned this in the past 10 years about myself: I do badly when trapped into someone elses plan for my time when it goes on for too long--particularly when it is unpleasant.

If this was the only unpleasantness, I usually can get by. But my homelife has been less than relaxing (in fact it has been a trial) and so these two things together did it.

But alas, now it is over. I have mentioned before, I like my job. I want to do better at it. But there is a right way and a not right way to do all things, for me this was just alot less than the right way.