I am dropping my premium membership as of April 9th. There is nothing for me here but blogging with friends, and I can do that for free. Hell, my heart isn't into doing that much anymore anyways.
It's time for me to step back from the so called 'dating' scene and pull from my reserves before I collapse from emotional malnutrition. I can easily metaphorically speaking compare my emotional 'core' with a bank account. It's depleted - totally bankrupt - with no one around but me to make deposits (with exception to kind hearted friends who try their best to fill a hole they can?t even see).
It's really no wonder we get on here and blog about 'what's wrong with me?' and 'why am I not good enough?? We suffer, daily, the iniquitous and degrading sexual solicitations via IM and e-mail, which not only proves that 9 out of 10 men on this site are only looking for a jerk-off buddy, but makes us wonder if that's all we are wanted for. And finally, when we DO make contact with a 'seemingly' sincere gentlemen who makes daily phone calls and behaves like he is our dream come true, we wind up pouring our hearts out to them with countless phone calls and e-mails, thinking 'God, this is too good to be true just make it last'. We make ourselves vulnerable to our 'new best friend' during all night phone conversations and deplete our 'real' savings accounts planning a trip, arranging childcare and buying plane tickets to meet our 'newfound destiny', only to be discarded like cigarette-pack cellophane after what you considered the 'most excellent two (or three or four etc.) days' your spent lift has ever had by someone you thought was miraculously heaven-sent direct to you because everybody is supposed to get theirs in the end.
My disappointment this time is ? unparalleled.

I am dropping my premium membership as of April 9th. There is nothing for me here but blogging with friends, and I can do that for free. Hell, my heart isn't into doing that much anymore anyways. It's time for me to step back from the so called 'dating' scene and pull from my reserves before I collapse from emotional malnutrition. I can easily metaphorically speaking compare my emotional 'core' with a bank account. It's depleted - totally bankrupt - with no one around but me to make deposits (with exception to kind hearted friends who try their best to fill a hole they can?t even see). It's really no wonder we get on here and blog about 'what's wrong with me?' and 'why am I not good enough?? We suffer, daily, the iniquitous and degrading sexual solicitations via IM and e-mail, which not only proves that 9 out of 10 men on this site are only looking for a jerk-off buddy, but makes us wonder if that's all we are wanted for. And finally, when we DO make contact with a 'seemingly' sincere gentlemen who makes daily phone calls and behaves like he is our dream come true, we wind up pouring our hearts out to them with countless phone calls and e-mails, thinking 'God, this is too good to be true just make it last'. We make ourselves vulnerable to our 'new best friend' during all night phone conversations and deplete our 'real' savings accounts planning a trip, arranging childcare and buying plane tickets to meet our 'newfound destiny', only to be discarded like cigarette-pack cellophane after what you considered the 'most excellent two (or three or four etc.) days' your spent lift has ever had by someone you thought was miraculously heaven-sent direct to you because everybody is supposed to get theirs in the end. My disappointment this time is ? unparalleled.

In your rocking-chair, by your window dreaming, shall you long, alone. In your rocking-chair, by your window, shall you dream such happiness as you may never feel. –Theodore Dreiser

Oh, and I have to give the LF powers that be props. They actually contacted me over this blog and offered to investigate the "person that offended me". ... Though I don't feel there is anything to investigate, it was still an offer I appreciated.

Oh, and I have to give the LF powers that be props. They actually contacted me over this blog and offered to investigate the "person that offended me". ... Though I don't feel there is anything to investigate, it was still an offer I appreciated.

In your rocking-chair, by your window dreaming, shall you long, alone. In your rocking-chair, by your window, shall you dream such happiness as you may never feel. –Theodore Dreiser

Thanks Pittsburgh.
Hey Sweet, I lost it eating hi protien and low carbs. I didn't follow a diet schedule, just ate a ton of protien for morning breakfast (65g+) to kick-start my metabolism and then fish or chicken for lunch and then fish, chicken or other meat for dinner... lots of vitamins and exercise kept me from losing brain cells and muscle. After about 4 months I was a new person, but it got really old after about 8 months. lol I am trying to keep it off but it has been a struggle to use a variety of foods and maintain low carb count.
Honey, that is sooo funny, and cool too. A bit of an appetizer? LOLOL Thanks for that!!

Thanks Pittsburgh. Hey Sweet, I lost it eating hi protien and low carbs. I didn't follow a diet schedule, just ate a ton of protien for morning breakfast (65g+) to kick-start my metabolism and then fish or chicken for lunch and then fish, chicken or other meat for dinner... lots of vitamins and exercise kept me from losing brain cells and muscle. After about 4 months I was a new person, but it got really old after about 8 months. lol I am trying to keep it off but it has been a struggle to use a variety of foods and maintain low carb count. Honey, that is sooo funny, and cool too. A bit of an appetizer? LOLOL Thanks for that!!

In your rocking-chair, by your window dreaming, shall you long, alone. In your rocking-chair, by your window, shall you dream such happiness as you may never feel. –Theodore Dreiser

Hey - your moniker has seemed very familiar to me and I just figured out why. I thought you might appreciate knowing another variation of your choosen name and how it is used. Did you know that in fine restaurants (I used to be a chef)a chef will offer for special guests a very first taste as the diner settles into there seat. It is meant to tickle the mouth in one bite. It is meant to peak one's salivary glands and taste buds for all that is to follow in the meal. And it is called and amuse bouche - a mouth amused. Often it is shortened to just "an amuse", as in, " oh Julia Childs and James Beard just took their seat chef would you like them to have "an amuse"? I think that is a nice extra meaning for your name. take care

Hey - your moniker has seemed very familiar to me and I just figured out why. I thought you might appreciate knowing another variation of your choosen name and how it is used. Did you know that in fine restaurants (I used to be a chef)a chef will offer for special guests a very first taste as the diner settles into there seat. It is meant to tickle the mouth in one bite. It is meant to peak one's salivary glands and taste buds for all that is to follow in the meal. And it is called and amuse bouche - a mouth amused. Often it is shortened to just "an amuse", as in, " oh Julia Childs and James Beard just took their seat chef would you like them to have "an amuse"? I think that is a nice extra meaning for your name. take care

You guys are so freakin' awesome!
I never set out to sound like on of those "woe is me" bloggers with this post. I swear it. I never meant to portray that I was leaving the LF community... I just needed to vent a little. Things are looking up anyhow. :-)
I love my new profile and all the hate mail I am getting for it. lol

You guys are so freakin' awesome! I never set out to sound like on of those "woe is me" bloggers with this post. I swear it. I never meant to portray that I was leaving the LF community... I just needed to vent a little. Things are looking up anyhow. :-) I love my new profile and all the hate mail I am getting for it. lol

In your rocking-chair, by your window dreaming, shall you long, alone. In your rocking-chair, by your window, shall you dream such happiness as you may never feel. –Theodore Dreiser

Mine expires next month and I doubt I'll bother renewing it ... have made some female friends along the way which has been great, but I'm not getting what I paid for, lol.
The blogs and forums on here are great but sadly the amount of genuine decent men does not match that!

Mine expires next month and I doubt I'll bother renewing it ... have made some female friends along the way which has been great, but I'm not getting what I paid for, lol. The blogs and forums on here are great but sadly the amount of genuine decent men does not match that!

hurray!!! i'm glad you're staying. your wit and enthusiasm is one of the few great things i like here at L.F. i'm also sorry you've been hurt and let down. you know and i know there will always be better days.

hurray!!! i'm glad you're staying. your wit and enthusiasm is one of the few great things i like here at L.F. i'm also sorry you've been hurt and let down. you know and i know there will always be better days.

Whew!!! That was close!!! When I first started reading your blog, I won't lie, I got a tear in my eye. But I am glad that you have decided to stay.
I am not on the site as much as I used to be, but when I do come on, I look forward to what you have to say. You are definitely the "Queen of Large Friends Blogging". (And I am not worthy!!) lol!!
Thanks for staying!!

Whew!!! That was close!!! When I first started reading your blog, I won't lie, I got a tear in my eye. But I am glad that you have decided to stay. I am not on the site as much as I used to be, but when I do come on, I look forward to what you have to say. You are definitely the "Queen of Large Friends Blogging". (And I am not worthy!!) lol!! Thanks for staying!!

Great! I love going to a blog and reading comments from you regardless of the subject matter. You crack me up with your style of writing and your insight.
Glad you could come here vent and exhale. Sometimes you just need to let it out.
Take care

Great! I love going to a blog and reading comments from you regardless of the subject matter. You crack me up with your style of writing and your insight. Glad you could come here vent and exhale. Sometimes you just need to let it out. Take care

I'm not leaving guys!!! Just not buying into the membership scheme anymore. I may have sounded beaten and abused, but I love all my friends (you guys!!) here too much! I know, I was feeling sorry for myself, seemed fitting for all the self abuse going on here lately... decided to jump on the bandwagon, I guess.
I am really cool on this guys. Honestly. I guess I am just mad at myself for willingly becoming vulnerable to someone I hardly knew. I bent rules this time, rules that have been adhered to like a dead body 6 deep in cement. I broke my rules willingly and wound up not being the only person disappointed. So I kicked myself in the ass a couple of times, wrote a feel sorry for myself blog that has somehow vented my frustration with myself and the whole damn mess (which I would have deleted when I logged back on this morning if not for all your awesome responses that I wouldn't dare remove).
I know most of us face the same issues here... all of your advice and support is accepted graciously. I don't know what got into me. lol
I'm good... I'm cool guys. Thanks for being here for me, and encouraging me. I'm just dumping the dating idea, I'd never dump ya'll!!
... and Robyn. Road Trippin' sounds real nice. Glad to see you back in blogland. I should have just called you. lol
... and PS. I didn't mean to sound down on all the guys here. There are some really wonderful men on this site. Lazy, Bigheart, Bizzle, Whitetigger and JohnnyWA to name a few ... they deserve credit - for they are true, genuine men that are honest and upfront to what they are all about.
I lub youse guys *sniff*

I'm not leaving guys!!! Just not buying into the membership scheme anymore. I may have sounded beaten and abused, but I love all my friends (you guys!!) here too much! I know, I was feeling sorry for myself, seemed fitting for all the self abuse going on here lately... decided to jump on the bandwagon, I guess. I am really cool on this guys. Honestly. I guess I am just mad at myself for willingly becoming vulnerable to someone I hardly knew. I bent rules this time, rules that have been adhered to like a dead body 6 deep in cement. I broke my rules willingly and wound up not being the only person disappointed. So I kicked myself in the ass a couple of times, wrote a feel sorry for myself blog that has somehow vented my frustration with myself and the whole damn mess (which I would have deleted when I logged back on this morning if not for all your awesome responses that I wouldn't dare remove). I know most of us face the same issues here... all of your advice and support is accepted graciously. I don't know what got into me. lol I'm good... I'm cool guys. Thanks for being here for me, and encouraging me. I'm just dumping the dating idea, I'd never dump ya'll!! ... and Robyn. Road Trippin' sounds real nice. Glad to see you back in blogland. I should have just called you. lol ... and PS. I didn't mean to sound down on all the guys here. There are some really wonderful men on this site. Lazy, Bigheart, Bizzle, Whitetigger and JohnnyWA to name a few ... they deserve credit - for they are true, genuine men that are honest and upfront to what they are all about. I lub youse guys *sniff*

In your rocking-chair, by your window dreaming, shall you long, alone. In your rocking-chair, by your window, shall you dream such happiness as you may never feel. –Theodore Dreiser

Jeez, I was just going to start an AmuseMe fan club forum (slightly not joking). Your words mirror my thoughts about this hold "dating" (on and off line) thing I'm putting myself through. The only good thing seems to be the wonderful women I keep finding that befriend me. In my darkest days during my recovery people like you and Robyn (glad to see you're still around) helped get me over that hump. But you are correct 9 out of 10 guys suck and that 1 well, he has a lot of women to chose from so why should he just pick one (sigh)
Even if you stop blogging I hope you still make your comments on other blogs. I've never seen someone hit the nail on the head just about every time like you do. Just wanted to say thanks.

Jeez, I was just going to start an AmuseMe fan club forum (slightly not joking). Your words mirror my thoughts about this hold "dating" (on and off line) thing I'm putting myself through. The only good thing seems to be the wonderful women I keep finding that befriend me. In my darkest days during my recovery people like you and Robyn (glad to see you're still around) helped get me over that hump. But you are correct 9 out of 10 guys suck and that 1 well, he has a lot of women to chose from so why should he just pick one (sigh) Even if you stop blogging I hope you still make your comments on other blogs. I've never seen someone hit the nail on the head just about every time like you do. Just wanted to say thanks.

Okay I know I haven't been on in awhile but what happened to my favorite funny,smartass,confidant, damn the torpedo's friend aka Amuse? I have just one piece of advice for you and you know I am good with that advice sh*t....LOL
Don't let this smother your spirit. Whatever the situation may seem right now, it will eventually change and the quicker you get back to your fun loving self the quicker you will move through and past the BS of it all.I thinks it's time for a ROAD TRIP. :) Be well chicky and if you need me I am just a phone call away! You Rock.....-RR-

Okay I know I haven't been on in awhile but what happened to my favorite funny,smartass,confidant, damn the torpedo's friend aka Amuse? I have just one piece of advice for you and you know I am good with that advice sh*t....LOL Don't let this smother your spirit. Whatever the situation may seem right now, it will eventually change and the quicker you get back to your fun loving self the quicker you will move through and past the BS of it all.I thinks it's time for a ROAD TRIP. :) Be well chicky and if you need me I am just a phone call away! You Rock.....-RR-

Amuseme, I don't know you personally and I am new to this blog site, but you have always been upbeat and you sound a little down.
I KNOW for a fact that real love will come when you least expect it. It happened to me a few years ago. (Yes, we still love each other)
Keep your head up. I am on this site because I like the blogging and meeting new people, talking about ideas and sharing things.
There are men out there that want to be with women, regardless of size, because of who they are.
Don't look for someone who is looking for a bbw; but someone who is looking for a woman to share their lives with. The fact that we are BBWs shouldn't matter. I am a big girl, that is what I am, not WHO I am.
Your personality is what is going to attract the right man for you.
One day while you are in the grocery store, picking up your laundry, or out with friends - it will happen. That special person will catch your eye and you his.
Until that time, be happy with you or do whatever it is you need to do for you to be happy. Live your life and enjoy each day.
The jerks out there that mess over women will get their just dues in the end. God does not like ugly!!!

Amuseme, I don't know you personally and I am new to this blog site, but you have always been upbeat and you sound a little down. I KNOW for a fact that real love will come when you least expect it. It happened to me a few years ago. (Yes, we still love each other) Keep your head up. I am on this site because I like the blogging and meeting new people, talking about ideas and sharing things. There are men out there that want to be with women, regardless of size, because of who they are. Don't look for someone who is looking for a bbw; but someone who is looking for a woman to share their lives with. The fact that we are BBWs shouldn't matter. I am a big girl, that is what I am, not WHO I am. Your personality is what is going to attract the right man for you. One day while you are in the grocery store, picking up your laundry, or out with friends - it will happen. That special person will catch your eye and you his. Until that time, be happy with you or do whatever it is you need to do for you to be happy. Live your life and enjoy each day. The jerks out there that mess over women will get their just dues in the end. God does not like ugly!!!

Enjoy reading all your input/output and frustrations and joys. We are all looking for so much more than men. I gave up my membership in March for much the same reasons. Quality in my own definition is hard to find. I look forward to reading your blogs and comments. Take care and best wishes. Happy trails...

Enjoy reading all your input/output and frustrations and joys. We are all looking for so much more than men. I gave up my membership in March for much the same reasons. Quality in my own definition is hard to find. I look forward to reading your blogs and comments. Take care and best wishes. Happy trails...

Me too, I'm off as of April 11th. I'm not getting into all this sh*t. All I was looking for was an honest guy who was looking for an honest lasting relationship. Even when I tell these guys right from the start that I WILL NOT HAVE SEX WITH THEM, they keep trying. And cyber sex, get over it!!!!
I am finding most of these people are players who have been on here forever. Just because I am new here does not mean I am stupid.
So I will do something more constructive with my time, if he is out there he will find me, if he's not I will be working on my first million.

Me too, I'm off as of April 11th. I'm not getting into all this sh*t. All I was looking for was an honest guy who was looking for an honest lasting relationship. Even when I tell these guys right from the start that I WILL NOT HAVE SEX WITH THEM, they keep trying. And cyber sex, get over it!!!! I am finding most of these people are players who have been on here forever. Just because I am new here does not mean I am stupid. So I will do something more constructive with my time, if he is out there he will find me, if he's not I will be working on my first million.