I am bulimic and I have been struggling with this since I was 13 years old, no-one knew, I supose there were suspicsions by one or 2 profesionals but they never had any solid evidence and I convinced them otherwise!
this blog will show my struggle to get to my weight.
You will find not tips or tricks through this blog just how I coped and manage!

how many years have you had an eating disorder

Friday, 31 December 2010

Today has been manic, I have taken a laxative today to flush out my system ready for my fast tomorrow! I have to remember tonight eat after 12, being new years eve Im nervous because I am going out with frends although Im hoping to play the ill card by 10pm to be home by 12 so not a drop of alochol or food passes my lips! Still panicing over my console! There is not a shop around that has it!:( I was quite looking forward to using it whilst I had nothing else to do in the nights, as my neighbourhood is not safe at all to go out into in when it is dark, (regardless of the time!)

Thursday, 30 December 2010

Ok today is a test for me I am cutting caffiene from my diet. I also am only on FRESH fruits and vegetables today, Im a little nervous of tomorrow being New Years Eve, I made plans to go out with s few of my girls tomorrow night and I want to cancle it .... but if I do that it might ruin their New Years Eve! I dont know what to do I was considering going with them and not drinking anything but orange juice but I cant ever go out and just stay on orange with them there the type of people who believe alcohol is the key to everyones problems, I think Ill just have to wait and see.

Im hoping to get a hold of some hoodia, since I am not fasting for detox Im doing it purely for weight loss I dont think it could do any harm. I already have this wonderful imiage in my head of me being so peuatiful surrounded by friends, and everyone liking me! ;) so story book like haha!

its only just past half past one in the afternoon and I feel as dead as a door nail! No caffiene is hell for me I have paracetamol at hand reasy for the withdrawls of it haha!

Wednesday, 29 December 2010

Ive been doing a lot of research now on water fasting and am a little worried about the body releasing toxins, I think I might have some form of OCD when it comes to body being clean, I am off out tomorrow to get as much shower gel as I can and also as much toothpaste and anti bactria mouth wash! Im guessing I will go through 1 family size tube of tooth paste a week, as i will brush them every 2 hours, I also intend to shower at least 3 times a day, more if I dont feel clean, I need shampoo too becuase I can have my hair greasy or dirty.

I also have written out a plan for my day and hopfully it will consist of 1 hour a day walking and 2 hours exercise, as well as stationary bike rides during TV hours, so hopefully I wont be sat still unless I am online which I plan to only be online for 3 hours in the evening as oppose to 10am till 11 pm. Hopfully I wont be on here 3 hours anyway, unless it is for research into Fasting! Still avent got my games console! I have looked everywhere but no luck as of yet!

Tuesday, 28 December 2010

Ok, Today I decided to speculate some money on a games console in order to help me lose weight. So I spend all day traping round in the rain, only to find not 1 single store has them in stock. Im so stressed out now because I need it by the 1st of January inorder to really help. I got 2 blisters on 1 foot and 3 on the other from the wet shoes, so its going to be hell getting in my exercise now, but what ever it takes to make it!

I've got to start making a daily routine plan so that I can keep focused and not be tempted to eat.

I have decided I am going to donate all the food I have to a local food bank and at least then its not going to go to waste, and someone who deserves it can have it. Im going to get a taxi there tomorrow or the day after.

Monday, 27 December 2010

Food is all going and bank card if out of the house! I have cut my meal down to 1 meal a day, although I doubt I will lose more than a pound or two before Saturday as I have twisted my ankle, so wont be getting the much needed excercise!

I also will have a list of rules I plan to follow. I have no intentions on breaking them.
1) No food at all
2) Do not go out with anyone who will want to eat/drink.
3) Only weigh myself ONCE per week.
4) Keep a personal and online account of my fast/ lifestyle
5) lose at least 40lb in 40 days.
6) Do at least 1 hours walking and another hour in other exercises.
7) Plan out the day at least 1 week before.
8) Add a new rule everyweek
9) Keep active
10) Research bulimics in the spot light.

I am absolutly terrified but also excited about my fast, I feel like a child waiting for her first performance infront of people! :D

Sunday, 26 December 2010

Being bulimic isnt an easy thing to live with but when your an obese bulimic it make life a million times worse becuase people never see the efforts you go to to become thin!

I decided that as of the 1st of January I will be beging a 40 day water fast. I will be consuming nothing but water and intend to have nothing around not even money incase I decide to eat. This will not be my first fast, I have juice fasted before and lost over 20lb in 1 month, and I liked it!

However, after a bad year, I have gained over 80lb bringing my weight from an overweight 161lb to a disgusting 234lb.

I am in the process of writing out my rules, and day plan which I will stick to, no matter how I feel!