Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Save It For Later

I love 80's music, probably because I am old and that is the decade in which I reached adulthood. Which, of course makes me somewhere closer to middle age than I care to admit. Although I swear mentally I feel like I am still in my twenties, now just smarter, wiser and making fewer mistakes. As for my poor body, well it feels much closer to retirement age than my actual age.

I guess not having any kids makes this illusion possible. I don't have anyone reminding me that the 80's are no longer cool and neither am I...

So since I have been trying to follow the blogging theme of SAVE this month, I keep playing the English Beat song Save It For Later in my head. Weird thing is, I went to look up the lyrics for the song online and discovered this:

Two dozen other stupid reasons
Why we should suffer for this
Don't bother trying to explain them
Just hold my hand while I come to a decision on it.

Sooner or later
your legs give way, you hit the ground
Save it for later
don't run away and let me down.
Sooner or later
you'll hit the deck you'll get found out
Save it for later
don't runaway and let me down, you let me down.
You run away run away runaway runaway runaway runaway
And let me down.

Hmm, O.K., didn't realize until now how much this speaks to my life with chronic illness. This is how I would paraphrase it:

Don't bother trying to explain to me why I am suffering like this. Can't you see! My body has let me down and I have hit the ground. I've hit the deck and found out just how fragile I am. All I want is for you to just hold my hand; please don't runaway and let me down.

"... it was about turning from a teenager to someone in their 20s, and realizing that the effortless promise for your teenage years was not necessarily going to show (up). ...it was about being lost, about not really knowing your role in the world, trying to find your place in the world. ...you'd have all sorts of people telling you this, that, and the other, and advising you, and it didn't actually seem like they knew any better. So it was like keep your advice to yourself. Save it - for later."

So yeah, the infinite promise of my teenage years came crashing to a stop when I was diagnosed with cancer at age 22. I've found myself feeling lost more than once since then and I've had to reinvent myself several times. While it might be easier for someone else to actually see my issues, it's up to me to figure out my next move. So if you are deciding whether to give me advice or support, the safe bet is give me support.

5
comments

Oh, I'm a total 80's girl! I have two kids and they do not understand my Prince love! I remember the song you're talking about. How weird that it would have such a connection for you so many years later. That's what is so great about music. I'm visiting from SITS and giving you some comment love tonight!

Oh, I love 80's music too, we're not that old! LOVE that song...I love how you applied it to your life, now when you hear it, it can be an inspiration to you. Nice tweeting with you and I look forward to reading along during your journey through chronic illness.