All tweets featured in this compilation were
drawn from my Twitter account, @AdamBertocci, between October 2010 and the end of 2012.

Some tweets featured in this compilation
have been lightly edited for format or clarity.

No tweets featured in this compilation
are worth reading.

Unsorted

The
Long Version:

I
think one of the joys of Twitter, besides updates from your favorite
celebrities, is the lack of organization. Left untended, a Twitter feed is a
Burroughs cut-up of genres switching every 140 characters, a chronological
panoply of near-Cassavetean shifts in tone where the only thing linking any two
adjacent posts is the time they were conceived by utterly separate souls. You find
something funny (or attempting to be so) shoved up against serious matters just
a tweet away from sports or politics or any other topic under the sun.

None
of the tweets in this section have anything to do with each other and maybe
that’s as it should be. I genuinely worry that my grouping of the later ones by
subject sort of gives away the joke a bit, or robs you of that crucial element
of surprise. I mean, what’s funnier, a joke about ducks after a joke about
bears, or the fifth or so joke about ducks in a row?

(I’d
like it on record that I totally didn’t realize I was typing “ducks in a row”
until it happened.)

(I’d
also like it on record that I do actually know a few jokes about ducks, for
what it’s worth.)

(Anyway.)

I wonder what sound effect plays when
crickets tell a joke that no one likes.

Ironically, I don’t know the back of my
hand very well.

We never hear about the _young_
switcheroo.

Knowledge is half the battle. So if you
know two things, lots of people die.

who the fuck is Merriam and how did he
get attached to Webster’s Goddamned dictionary

How to find out your porn star name:
appear in a pornographic movie, read the credits.

Exciting news! I’ve been chosen as one of
People Magazine’s “7 Billion Under 7 Billion”.

“Numbers don’t lie.” — the number
6, promising the letter Q he’ll still respect her after

They told me living well was the best
revenge. And, you know what, slaughtering my enemy really upped my
quality-of-life.

I wonder if opthamologists ever get
nostalgic about their eye school days.

(Dec 31 2011)

Wait, the ball drop is at _Times_ Square?
After I spent all week camping out at Village Voice Square?

I wonder if Lewis or Clark ever were all,
like, “Thank you, but I’d really like to talk about my solo work now”

oh sweet channel 17’s gonna show “El
Quinto Elemento” tonight, you should watch it if you want to see a good movie
and also you’re Mexican

Twitter

The
Long Version:

You
ever read one of those God-awful local newspaper columns from the hand of a
kindly-looking great-auntly type, the kind of person who still joshes herself
about her computer illiteracy by saying, “I feel like roadkill… on the
information superhighway!”

Yeah,
that’s me, all the time, about Twitter. (“Sometimes I feel like Twitter… is for
the birds!” That’s about the level of comedy we’re aiming for, folks.)

There
are people who are really, really, really good at Twitter. I’m not one of them,
which you’ve probably already realized by reading this thing. I only signed up
for Twitter to protect my name, and only started actively using it because my
publicist made me. (Book publicist, not personal. I had to deal with my own
drug abuse and torrid relationships with onetime Disney starlets.)

Man I remember when retweet was the
punchline in a shitty joke book I had and there was a picture of a bird and he
was a general with a hat

Only 57 more followers until I have 57
followers more than now!

On the surface, writing a tweet, but in
reality, defining my social media brand and enhancing the conversation with
you, the consumer.

#FF An account posting advertisements for
handbags and SEO solutions. After all, they were kind enough to follow you.

All the spammers Tweeting at me in the
last 24 hrs got their accounts deleted. WHY DO I DESTROY EVERYTHING I TOUCH

There should be a Meisner-training
Twitter bot. When you tweet, it just tweets back what you said, expressionless.

Twitter has officially reached the
overwhelming point where there are too many Tweets for me to keep up with. I
follow 55 people.

#FF Your dreams! Believe in yourself and
you can accomplish anything!

#FF That girl you liked in high school.
But first, change your Twitter icon to a cool guy, riding a motorcycle.

(Jul 15 2011)

#FF Nobody, because it’s all about ‘adding
people to your circles’ now.

#ReplaceMovieNamesWithVoldemort Voldemort. (The original movie was “Deliverance”.) I don’t understand this
game.

<-- just unlocked no fucking badge on
Foursquare at all.

RTing a political article, but with
hashtags like #WTF and #fail afterward, so as to offer useful and insightful
commentary.

This tweet comes with a free digital copy

Promoted tweets are that guy who comes
over to you and your friends’ conversation mid-party and just smiles uncomfortably

RT some fuck or other: an advertisement

I’m donating absolutely jack shit for
every RT this gets.

Saying something, then RTing someone else
making pretty much the same statement, thus doubling the impact of my incisive
argument.

RT if you take pride in thinking for
yourself

(Nov 9 2011)

I hope you all enjoyed my live-tweeting
of the Country Music Awards, which I didn’t watch and therefore said nothing
about.

Posting something, then putting “Please
RT!” after it so you’ll know what to do.

Technology

The
Long Version:

I
do love a good joke about social media and the digital realm we make our way
in. My day job and my hobbies both consist largely of sitting in front of a
computer avoiding spurts of creativity and/or actual work. This leads me to
coin a disproportionate number of witty observations about technology. Look, I
bet when what’s-his-name went to live in a cabin at Walden Pond for two years
he came back with some real knee-slappers about things that are made out of
logs.

Thoughtfully inviting all my Facebook
friends to an event in a city in which they do not live.

Somehow, Google returns no results for “enlightened
self-Pinterest”.

I like to think the birds aren’t so much
angry as just disappointed.

The iPad newspaper will never take off
until we see an iPad in a movie spinning rapidly toward camera.

It took Microsoft Word a surprisingly
long time to determine if ‘craphole’ was a word.

It’s annoying to use a program called
Excel to track how much you suck.

Deeply thankful that, while Google Buzz
may be going away, my posts are mine to keep.

As a Nigerian prince trying to get money
out of the country, I’m increasingly disappointed by people’s reluctance to
help others.

What if I agree to the terms, but not the
conditions?

Every time I read how today’s kids don’t
understand floppy disks / rotary phones I wonder how I grew up understanding
horse-drawn carriages.

I am disappointed to learn that Pinterest
is not a forum for fans of Harold Pinter

Ah, summer! When the sun is high and boys
start carefully checking every new picture that girls post on Facebook.

It’s always sad to be the person who
informs your Facebook feed that someone famous died.

I swear this weekend I’m actually going
to read those changes to the Google Privacy Policy and Terms of Service.

I hate when people use small individual
subreddits to show that Reddit is terrible, since it ignores the fact that all
of Reddit is terrible

Whenever Gmail lets spam into my inbox I
feel betrayed. Like that time you were five and realized that grownups can’t
fix everything.

Sometimes old jokes translate well to the
digital age. Like the “how to keep an idiot in suspense” gag. Another effective
classic is… (1/2)

I’m surprised One Weird Trick isn’t a
band name yet.

“Two roads diverged in a wood, and
I—I took an Instagram photo of them.”

Just did something in accordance with a
corporate brand’s social media program, and now you’re going to hear about it.

This tweet is actually a gif and if you
take too long reading it it suddenly flashes another image and frightens you.

(update on someone’s Kickstarter campaign
about which you give nary the most miniscule possible fuck)

Circlejerks,
Internet Trends and Other Things That Got Old Fast

The
Long Version:

Let’s
put it this way—the more you laugh at these, the more likely it is that
your feeds are full of truly ghastly individuals. You know, the kinds of people
who think their trite observations are fresh, their endlessly-rehashed memes
are independent thoughts and that referencing “Idiocracy” makes them brilliant
social critics—and all they need now is your approval of their stunning
intelligence. Consider this, in short, my ‘no’ vote on the question of if the
connected world is making us smarter. I mean, hell, you paid for this dumb
thing, a pre-Internet society would never have allowed that.

“It used to be one kind of weather and
now it is a different kind of weather” — everyone in New York, later
today

(Nov 11 2011)

You know, people, you can set your clocks
and see a bunch of 1s in a row ANY TIME YOU WANT

“Hey guys! Did you know that I am a
smarter and morally superior person than most, in every conceivable way?”
—your Facebook friends

I don’t think Nickelback is a very good
band, please praise me for my incredible taste and intellectual prowess

(Nov 3 2011)

Internet yesterday: People distracted by
Kardashians are stupid. Internet today: DO A BARREL ROLL

(Nov 6 2011)

If you Google “do the right thing”, it
throws a trash can through your window.

My extensive understanding of the
Dunning-Kruger effect really shows how much smarter I am than everyone else.

HEY GUYS LOOK HOW LITTLE INTEREST I HAVE
IN THIS THING I KEEP POSTING I’M NOT INTERESTED IN, BOY AM I UNINTERESTED

(Feb 6 2012)

man now we all gotta stop posting that we
don’t care about the Super Bowl and start again posting that we don’t care
about the Kardashians

(Mar 10 2012)

TOTO 2012: I demand that the United
States intervene in the blessing of the rains down in Africa.

(Mar 16 2012)

Huh. I guess not everyone was done
jerking off over #Kony2012.

(Mar 17 2012)

Apparently the #KONY2012 guy masturbated
in public due to criticism of his movie.—Now you people know why I defend
the Star Wars prequels.

If you watch a movie backwards, events
occur in a sequence differing from the one you might be used to.

MOVIE TRIVIA: every day ever is the day
that Marty McFly arrived in the future

Kurt Vonnegut and Uncle Dolan walked into
an Apple store. Everything was expensive, and nothing hurt.

“You know what? I’m not even going to
argue with you any more.” — person about to argue with you for at least
three more posts

Culture

The
Long Version:

Sadly,
some of my favorite tweets ever, ones I really would have loved to reprint
here, got left out of this publication because they quoted song lyrics in their
original form a little too extensively to be parody, in my highly conservative
view. I’m skittish about lawyers. I have my reasons.

Anyhoo
all these jokes are pretty self-explanatory. So let’s get to it, shall we?

As a movie character who is angry,
knocking a lot of stuff over and/or throwing it across the room.

Every time a celebrity gets pregnant,
editors at People magazine lose sleep wondering if “Oh Baby!” really is the
best possible headline.

The saddest thing is that Picard and that
guy could have just compromised, and said four and a half lights. That way
everybody wins.

The
Film Industry

The
Long Version:

This
may veer a little bit toward inside baseball, or at least way-too-esoteric
humor for 97% of sane individuals, but, like most abject failures trolling
Twitter, I’m a screenwriter. And a filmmaker, and other things you frankly
couldn’t give a good Goddamn about.

A
lot of my pals are in the same boat as me, so they found these funny. I say
this merely to illustrate a point: sometimes the funnier something is to a
select group of people, the less funny it is to everyone else. If you don’t
believe me, write some killer gags about your line of work and see how they
play at open mic night. This is why singular, fresh and unique works of art
rarely succeed, but we can all enjoy a good chuckle about a chicken crossing
the road for reasons known only to him.

Most movies are 3D. It’s just that the
third dimension is time. It’s these newfangled 4D movies you gotta watch out
for.

I wanna write a TV spec script that’s
nothing but uncomfortable silences for half an hour. The best part: it could
apply to multiple shows.

I didn’t make the Black List, but I’m
doing very well on the Purple List, the list I make each year of the best Adam
Bertocci scripts.

In film school you track how many AFI 100
Greatest Movies you’ve seen. After film school you bitch about how many don’t
deserve to be there.

Heard about a movie I need to watch,
failed to add to list, forgot what movie was. Good. List too long already.
#firstworldproblems

If I ever pitched a Hollywood movie, to
be unique I would have the protagonist be someone who stopped at something.

Holiday disaster. Many of my friends are
TV and movie characters, and I forgot to buy enough festive boxes with lids to
put their gifts in.

In twenty years movie posters will start
saying, “From the industry that brought you (good movie)…”

I bet there’s a lot of money in the
round-stickers-they-put-on-Macbooks-to-cover-the-logo-in-movies-and-TV
business.

Idea for sitcom pilot: Two characters in
a room. One tells a joke. Run laugh track for 22 minutes while actors wait.

Prediction: Within five years, there will
be a slasher or thriller movie called “Hashtag”. Prediction 2: It won’t be a
very good movie.

Can’t sell my screenplay about how 144
and 168 are both divisible by 12. Why is Hollywood only interested in the
lowest common denominator?

Science

The
Long Version:

I
honestly know very little about science, but I have a real weakness for this
kind of thing. Maybe it’s because I want to feel smarter than I am.

“Now that’s what I may or may not be
talking about!” — Schrdinger’s 90s Sitcom Character

I wish I’d kept up with studying science.
My physics teacher said I had a lot of potential. Then I fell off the chair.

Someone just asked me if I knew the
formula for nitric oxide. I had to say NO.

The pictures are nice, but mostly I read
physics journals for the particles.

I was trying to explain how space is
curved, but it came out wrong and now space thinks I think it’s fat.

There are 10 kinds of people in this
world. Those who understand binary, those who don’t, those who don’t get jokes,
and seven others.

Politics

The
Long Version:

A
lot of this could probably fall under the section making fun of Internet circlejerks,
to be honest with you.

I’m exactly the right size to fail.

When fascism comes to America, it will
sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

I agree with your political convictions.
Please RT, possibly prefacing with vociferous agreement or praise.

If only a 19-year-old would explain to me
their opinion versus mine in terms of the pills from “The Matrix”.

I’ll believe corporations are Village
People when they dress in fun costumes and sing songs.

The workers control either the means of
production or a real snappy pair of overalls

Live free or bitch about it on the
Internet.

I wish to see a film where the Grand
Wizard indeed has such powers as that title would imply. He could battle a
Magical Negro.

As someone who has seen a YouTube video,
let me explain to you how to correct society’s ills.

It is better to post on the Internet
about dying on your feet than to live on your knees.

(May 1 2011)

WHEN WILL OBAMA PRODUCE THE DEATH
CERTIFICATE

Unspeakably depressed that I’ve been
beaten to the “when will Obama capture Carmen Sandiego” joke.

I hope someone else universally reviled
dies real soon so I can do “I’mma let you finish”.

I’ll believe corporations are people when
one says ‘Attending’ to my Facebook event and then doesn’t show up

The Articles of Confederation are the
most hipster of American legal documents.

I for one am against “Livin’ on a Prayer”
in public schools.

I observe corporations and natural
persons to differ, please RT in praise of my incredible wit

Televising the revolution just to shut
the naysayers up.

I will never stop fighting for what I
believe in. By “fighting,” I of course mean posting judgmental horseshit on
Twitter.

You must BE the glib Gandhi-quoting
slacktivist you wish to see in the world.

Nostalgia

The
Long Version:

I
was born in 1982, which means I’m one of a special generation that cannot shut
the fuck up about things marketed to them at a fairly young age.

Seriously,
when they created the Internet back in the old days, I wonder if they
understood that it wouldn’t really take off until the ‘90s, when people would
start preparing the archives for the eventual nostalgia boom.

Why did the people of Cartoons never
overthrow their King to form a People’s Democratic Republic of Cartoons

Going sledding with my stuffed tiger,
then urinating on a Ford logo.

Angelfire was such a cool name for a
mid-90s Webhost

I shouted “DO IT ROCKAPELLA” but they
weren’t in the room with me so even if they did sing the song I didn’t hear it
#firstworldproblems

Ever notice how much the “Clarissa
Explains It All” theme sounds like Nyan Cat?

<-- stopped believing, and is now
getting a strict talking-to from Journey.

If all you have is a Hammer, everything
looks like parachute pants.

This is your weekly reminder not to
forget about the lead singer of Simple Minds.

A purist, I continue to prefer Old Jack
Swing.

You never see AOL keywords on movie
posters any more.

if you’re my age and want to feel old try
guessing the resolution of the hottest picture you downloaded in high school,
like, 1024x768 I bet

I just learned that “guys are only after one
thing” does not refer to a rare misprinted Mox Ruby from early sets of Magic:
The Gathering.

I still find the whole “Death Egg”
storyline of Sonic 3 & Knuckles that most unique hybrid of cinematic,
thrilling & hilarious

Being politically moderate, I condemn
extreme radicals. And indeed all 1990s kids on skateboards.

I’ll never forget where I was when I
learned that MTV’s Kennedy’d been shot.

One day the long-lost Chocolate Fire will
finally return and challenge Vanilla Ice to a thousand-year duel for the fate
of the universe

There was a problem and Vanilla Ice didn’t
solve it. Now what the fuck am I supposed to do.

I look back on high school with a lot of
regret, particularly about not finding that cool club where everyone hung out
eating Apple Jacks.

Remember that time we did something
evoking 80s/90s nostalgia? That was awesome.

Romance

The
Long Version:

I
once read that the best kind of Twitter joke is one that manages to tell a
little story in 140 characters. I wish I could remember where I read that, but
social media has fried my long-term memory and in general ruined my attention
span.

Dating a slutty hydra in hopes I’ll get
heads.

She asked if I was looking for casual
sex. I said all right, immediately changed into a polo shirt and khakis.

I believe that there is one perfect
person for everyone. How she’ll find time to date _all_ of us, I don’t know.

It sucks when you have TWO good jokes to
post on a girl’s Facebook status except they don’t work as a pair and also she’s
unattractive

Hey babe, if I could rearrange the
alphabet, you wouldn’t be beating me in Scrabble any more. Fucking smug,
stuck-up bitch.

Sometimes I like to look into a beautiful
woman’s eyes and think, “Those are holes cut into her skin so that I can see
her insides.”

She said she hoped we could still be
friends. I was pretty excited, ‘cause I need some friends to help me move
furniture next week.

Topics
I Can’t Leave Alone

The
Long Version:

Some
of these were unconscious; I guess I just keep coming back to the same topics
and constructions across the years because I find them fruitful. If you retread
the same joke every six months or so, you can probably get away with
it—but put them all together on one page, laying bare and obvious and
painfully unclever what should have been subtle, you’ve proven that either
you’re a talentless hack or a great candidate to write for television.

That
said, we really must address the “Bel-Air” thing. You wouldn’t believe how
funny I still find that shit. I need an intervention. Or maybe just someone to
toss me out the door of Twitter while I shout, “Aaah!”

(Aug 12 2011)

Why was 6 afraid of 7?… … … Because he’s
racist.

(Jan 26 2012)

Why do jokes in base 8 suck? —
— — Because 7 10 11!

¥

(Dec 13 2011)

Remember — words can hurt. Another
thing that can hurt: ice picks, to the skull.

(May 15 2011)

A little learning is a dangerous thing.
Also dangerous: cocaine.

(Oct 10 2011)

Love will tear us apart. Other things
that will tear us apart: industrial threshers.

(Jun 27 2011)

Character is what you do when no one’s
watching. Another thing you do when no one’s watching: masturbate.

¥

(Jul 28 2011)

Sometimes I feel like the Lyman in the “Garfield”
series of her heart.

(Nov 28 2011)

Cyber Garfield hates Cyber Mondays.

(Apr 25 2012)

Since we’ve been keeping cats as pets for
ages, how far in time would you have to go back before people wouldn’t
understand Garfield?

(Aug 2 2012)

“I hate Mondays. Or maybe Sundays; I can’t
be sure.” — Camus Garfield

¥

(Nov 30 2011)

Not _everybody_ was kung fu fighting.
Resist peer pressure.

(Sept 10 2011)

I wonder if Little Sammy Chong was
jealous of Billy Chin’s nickname.

¥

(Jan 13 2012)

I wonder if that FBI dude ever looks back
on that graphic he made and thinks, “You know, the Photoshop craquelure was
probably a bit much.”

(Mar 24 2012)

I love how the FBI warning on movies has
a specific thing about oil rigs.

¥

(Oct 1 2012)

Don’t you remember? We built this
retirement community on ragtime and traditional jazz.

(Dec 29 2011)

Counting the money underneath the bar,
then riding the wrecking ball into various area instruments.

¥

(Apr 4 2012)

“Yo, FUCK the bird.” — grease

(May 13 2012)

“Yo, FUCK the leading brand.” —
commercials

(Jun 28 2011)

I wonder if some days, Tobago’s all, “Yo,
FUCK Trinidad.”

¥

(Apr 17 2012)

There is no “I” in words that don’t have
that letter.

(Dec 2 2011)

Are there any languages where their word
for “I” appears in their word for “team”? If so, how’s it workin’ out for them?

(Feb 8 2012)

Remember: There is no “I” in “person who doesn’t
deserve a crowbar to the skull.”

(Sept 18 2012)

Goddammit there are NEVER any letters I
want in “team”

¥

(Mar 7 2012)

“I chopped the tree and I cannot lie.”
— Sir Wash-a-Ton

(Nov 9 2011)

“I like big butts; I COULD lie, but I
choose not to.” — Sir Mix-A-Lot, explaining morality

¥

(Jul 31 2011)

<— has moved in with his auntie
and uncle in Bel-Air and will now tell you why in rap form.

(Nov 26 2012)

If Will's auntie and uncle in Bel-Air
were so rich why didn't they help Will's poor-ass family BEFORE the whole
"one little fight" thing

(Nov 26 2012)

I stole one loaf of bread and the law got
scared / And said “You’re going to a prison with Inspector Javert”

Yes,
I really made two jokes about that damn song on the same day.

Special
Times

The
Long Version:

I
just like holidays.

I shot a man just to watch him live. It
was kind of a weird Opposite Day.

“Samantha said the protest wouldn’t last
the winter. Was the same true about my relationship with Big?”
#SexAndOccupyWallSt

(Nov 5 2011)

“Moving my money out of the bank… and
into the shoe stores!” #SexAndOccupyWallSt

(Nov 10 2011)

“The protesters got their generators
back. And I was in the warmest place of all—Aidan’s arms.”
#SexAndOccupyWallSt

“There’s a group _walking_ from New York
to DC? Well, ya know, if I can’t get a cab just to go to Brooklyn…”
#SexAndOccupyWallSt

(Nov 15 2011)

“The police cleared the park. Now I had
to clear the air with Aidan.” #SexAndOccupyWallSt

“If they can arrest protesters for
breaking into Duarte Square, why can’t they arrest Big for breaking my heart?”
#SexAndOccupyWallSt

“They won’t be able to sleep in the park
any more. But, then, men never stay the night, do they?” #SexAndOccupyWallSt

(Nov 17 2011)

“Was it a big day for the protest… or a
Big day?” #SexAndOccupyWallSt

Miss
America

The
Long Version:

I
found this pageant utterly bizarre. I don’t know why I turned it on that
night—it’s not like there aren’t better places in this world to find
women in states of undress—but within minutes I knew I was watching
something genuinely strange. It’s hard to explain. Watch the show sometime.

And now the pretty girl sings a song in
praise of a corporate theme park run by the TV network’s parent company.
#MissAmerica

And now a hopeful #MissAmerica sings “Memory”,
all about mourning faded beauty. Except she sings it in Italian. “Ora e per
sempre—Gatti!”

And now, Jessica Pray sings a Christian
song. This is her real name. This is a real thing that is happening.
#MissAmerica #thedeathofirony

#GangstaFrost

The
Long Version:

As
the author of Two Gentlemen of Lebowski, available at fine bookstores
everywhere, I often feel the urge to spring impromptu literary mashups upon the
unsuspecting population. Some have been more fun than others.

(Oct 23 2011)

“In three words I can sum everything I’ve
learned about life—bitches and hoes.” #GangstaFrost

“Two roads diverged in a wood, and
I—I popped a cap in the asses of the fuckers in each.” #GangstaFrost

Mrs Dalloway said she would ice the
motherfuckers herself. #WoolfGangsta

The
Cereal Essay

The
Short Version:

I
remain convinced of this argument’s merit.

(Apr 28 2012)

Whatever happened to Officer Crumb and
the Cookie Crisp Crook? Did they kill each other?

In all honesty the ‘90s cereal landscape
is a terrifying dystopia, where literally every brand has a character devoted
only to stealing it.

There was never one fucking character who
said “I like this cereal so much I’m going to purchase a box with my own
Goddamned money.”

78% of today’s young conservative voters
are a result of 90s TV’s compelling implication that some lazy scamp was always
after their cereal.

Is a man not entitled to the Trix of his
brow? “No,” says the silly rabbit, “it belongs to me.”

In conclusion, the old Objectivism said “A
is A”; the new Objectivism says, “Barney, my Pebbles.”

Epilogue

(Apr 22 2012)

Just went through all 2,066 of my Tweets
saving my favorites in case I ever want to make a book someday. — I wish
I was joking. I really do.

About the Author

Adam Bertocci is an award-winning filmmaker, screenwriter, author and social media expert (just kidding! no one is one of those) working in and around New York. His first book, the Shakespearean mashup Two Gentlemen of Lebowski: A Most Excellent Comedie and Tragical Romance, has been praised by Entertainment Weekly, USA Today, The New Republic, GQ, The Wall Street Journal, The Guardian, Back Stage, Broadway World, the Royal Shakespeare Company and the Folger Shakespeare Library.

He also dabbles in short fiction for the Kindle. For more in the way of short jokes, try Chicken Crossing, an adaptation of the classic tweet-sized gag; for a small, sweet comic fable, try The Clinch Cover.