Saturday, November 28, 2009

Today was a rotten day. From waking up after tossing and turning all night, a worn out tired me, I went to work. I had no blood draws, only one urine cup to collect, and that was the day. I drove all that way for nothing basically. Except my pay. Which is crap in the first place.

Then I was happy, since I had a dentist appointment to get some cavities fixed and then I was going to pick up my wedding ring.

Well, at the dentist the receptionist was reading off the work they were going to do and said something about silver fillings. I bounced in, "Excuse me? I mentioned on my paper work that I am highly allergic to nickel, which is in those fillings. You can't do "silver" fillings on me!" She said that getting the white ones on anything but my front teeth was going to cost me 168.00 per filling. I was astonished. Because I was allergic I had to pay? She said "well thats what your insurance covers with us." I asked to speak to the dentist.

He was WORSE! he was rude to me, dismissive, not even able to sound like he was sorry at all for not reading my chart apparently. I told him I was allergic to nickle, he said "well I can't treat you different than any other patient." YOU CAN'T!?! If you had a patient who was allergic to the anesthetic, you would need to use a different one, or would you just drill on them with nothing? If you have a patient with different needs, you need to treat them differently! He said that "people on your health plan should take what you get and deal with it."

I was humiliated. Just because I am on a state health plan, I should not receive the same standard of care as someone on a better plan? I should "deal with" having metal put in my mouth that will cause an intensely painful reaction? Or pay an outrageous amount of money to HAVE that standard of care. If I HAD that kind of money, I wouldn't be on a state health plan. I have never felt like I was some sort of lower class person until that moment. They didn't treat me with any sort of respect.

I asked for my x-rays to give to my next dentist. They wanted to charge me. I said I would just have my new dentist call them for the x-rays. I had to leave before I punched that dick head in the face. The place doesn't even FEEL like a legitimate dental office, the door says Adv-something, the place is supposed to be "Soft Touch Dental" but it doesn't say that ANYWHERE on the building or in the office.

So I went home in tears, crying because I was humiliated, because I had been treated like some kind of loser. I am the same person I was when I had great insurance, I am just as good as anyone else in the world. And to be treated like I am not hurts my heart.

I ate some food, got some comfortings from Dan, took a nap and woke up just in time to go pick up my wedding band, which was now supposed to be in my size. But apparently my fingers were a different size. The size that fit me so well just 5 days ago was now too tight. So I am having them take it up another half size.

I just feel like nothing has gone right today.

Now I have to call my dental plan on Monday and try to find a dentist who isn't an asshole because their web site won't let me SEARCH for someone who will take my plan and I would have wasted hours calling a billion places before I found one who would.

I just want to be treated well, even if I am on a state health plan, it doesn't make me any less of a person with the right to NOT have to settle for second rate service and work done on my body.

My biggest concern now that I had that experience, is that I will be treated like that in the hospital too. That my concerns will be dismissed and my body will be treated poorly. I don't think those wonderful women at the midwife clinic would do that to me, but it scares me.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

My stepmom came to visit. We paid for the dress, and the veil, and a little tiara thing. (its ordered, and due to come in soon! then i get to try it on, and we will see about alterations.) we paid off the cake, bought some stuff to make wedding favors and things like that. It was good to see her!

The next weekend my aunt threw me a little wedding shower. That was nice. Cute favors. Including Hershey Kisses that had "Jessie and Dan" stickers on the bottom of them!

I've discovered that WIC is pretty useless to me. It only pays for food that I rarely eat, or don't have time to cook. Sorry, but dry beans and brown rice are NOT things that I eat often, and when I know I am going to get called into work as soon as I start cooking (HAPPENED 8 TIMES ALREADY!) there is NO point in cooking!! The 8 dollars in fruits and veggies is almost laughable since that buys SO LITTLE in the way of those things. And to get the full value of the milk voucher you need to buy 2.25 or 2.5 gallons ALL AT ONCE. Ummmm, I don't have ROOM in my fridge for that much milk! I could use it to get a gallon of milk, but that is only about 2 dollars right now. I can find 2 dollars digging in the change under the seat of my car. *sigh* all the trouble to get on WIC and now I don't even use it. Oh, and a pound of cheese. But you can't get string cheese, shredded cheese, anything but mild cheddar or jack or colby. I don't think I have eaten a pound of cheese in the last 5 months, let alone in ONE month. It would go bad and I would have to throw it out. All i really eat is string cheese and Kraft slices for grilled cheese or bologna sandwiches. Ah well, I will stay on it, it won't cost them anything to keep giving me the vouchers, they only need to pay if I use them.

I did get on the Oregon Health Plan, and through them the Providence Plan. I have a place that I like for my care, and a PCP finally, and they told me what pills are safe to take, so that means I can finally have a night where I can sleep and only wake up 6-8 times instead of the 12-16 times I was waking up.

So, I am getting in to the second trimester. I'm noticing that I can eat more, but that I am still stuffed up and tired a lot. I am having weird dreams now too! Kind of disturbing ones where someone accuses me of something and I have to defend myself. Or dreams that someone is in danger but I can do nothing to help them.

I did get to have my first ultrasound and see the little squirming munchkin. S/he was tossing some hands all over the place and throwing back the head and squirming and twitching. Very cute. I will get pictures next time, was too busy being amazed to think about it the first time, and Dan even got a little tear in his eye watching that. It was way sweet.

Work is going ok, but I don't think I am allowed to have a day off. Every person that BrightStar has sent over to Cedar Hills hasn't worked out for various reasons. I just hope it gets settled soon, so I can actually go on leave for my wedding! Oh, and to have a baby once I get too big to be bending over patient beds and stuff like that.

I wish I had some ice cream in the freezer, that sounds good.

Oh well, I think its time to go to bed and try and sleep. After the sheet gets done in the drier. And I make the bed. And take my Bendryl that will help me breathe, and put me to sleep.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

So, i got a call yesterday telling me that they had an appointment opening tomorrow (today). I jumped at the chance to have my first doctors appointment at a time when Dan could go with me.

So in we went, and after a general health history, some questions, a bit more talking, and waiting, i got to have the fun of a pelvic exam, but after that came the wonderful moment I had been waiting for.

First we tried finding the heartbeat with the dopplar, had it for a second, then no more. So we got the ultrasound machine, and someone who was super good with it, and then suddenly on the screen, there it was. My baby. S/he twitched, once, twice, three times, FOUR TIMES! Little arms bouncing up as the head tossed back. Like a hiccup, or just a random twitch. Who knows.

So my little Twitchy One is really real. S/he is in there, growing and changing and existing. I can't wait until next month where I can beg them to do it again so I can get a picture of it!

Friday, November 6, 2009

Ok. Lets see. We picked the cake. Papa Hayden bakery in Portland. They are making my (and Dan's) wedding cake exactly how we want it! And it will be so pretty and so tasty and so perfect!

I got on OHP. And made an appointment ASAP to get the kiddo checked out, and found out two things. One, you need a months notice to get an appointment. and Two, OHP doesn't give you a list of people who will TAKE the plan, so you have to do all your own leg work. Unless you sign up for a plan within the plan, and then you get a list. but its only on that little plan within the plan now that you can use the plan. Confused yet? So am I!

But it means that on the 9th I can call a phone number and get a list of doctors who will be my primary care physician for a while now, and a dentist (YAY! tooth fixin'!) and I picked my OWN baby place, cause I kinda wanna be picky about who does what with me and my munchkin.

So on November 23rd, I will get to go in and see just how healthy I am! *fingers crossed* I'm sure it will be fine!

In other news, my Chihuahua has NO IDEA how much she is putting her life in danger each time she barks that shrill little yippy bark when my head is pounding. And my room mate has NO IDEA how likely I am to break open that door during his 30 minute shower and shave time when I need to pee and had to pee and was just getting UP to pee when he rushed into the bathroom. My kitty has NO IDEA how much I wish she wouldn't sleep at the foot of the bed and yowl at me at 2am when I accidently kick her.

Speaking of 2am. I am having a hard time sleeping lately. I wake up in pain, in my shoulders, neck, upper and lower back, my normal aches and pains, only now I can't take my handful of advil for them, not until a Dr. OK's some sort of pain killer for me.

oh, and I think I had my first genuine craving! for a tunafish sandwich. And while that might not seem so weird to some of you, I HATE FISH normally! But tuna with mayo and mustard and chopped up dill pickles on sourdough bread was SO yummy, I want to go eat more, even though I am full!

My step mom gets into town today so we can do dress shopping and other things this weekend. I am so excited to get to see her!!!!

And then the weekend AFTER THAT my mom and grandma are going to be in town, and I get to see them and my aunt and my cousins and my cousins new baby. That will be fun too! I can't wait!

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Just like the title says, week 10 is here. I'm noticing a bump. I can feel it, and its making my clothes tight! It's not a big bump yet, but its there.

My mom is coming up in 2 weeks, my step mom is coming up in a week, I go do cake tasting on Thursday with my Dan. It seems like there is lots going on, and I just found out today that my Aunt Judy wants to throw me a shower on the... 14th, i think she said, of November! And apparently lots of people want to come! I'm just going to be thrilled to see my family, I didn't expect anything like that so soon! I know why she wants to do it early, its so Mom and Grandma can be there, which is way sweet!

I love my family so much.

I can't wait to get my dress too! That is super exciting.

Oh, and Dan's family is making me welcome already! His grandma sent him the ring that was apparently HER engagement ring, giving to her by Dan's Grandpa Dan, the one he is named for. It didn't fit, so until we can get it resized, he insisted I wear it and gave me a chain so I could put it around my neck. If that isn't a nice welcome to the family gesture, I don't know what is!

I find out on Monday what kind of health care I'm going to get from OHP. I am looking forward to getting in to see a doctor and getting everything checked out.

In sad news, one of the nurses where I work just found out her son was killed in Afghanistan. So anyone who reads this and feels like offering her good thoughts or prayers, her name is Tori.

It's odd, normally I don't cry at work, but maybe its a combo of the hormones and the super sad news, but I cried at work after hearing that.

Anyways, Im off for now, waiting on some lasagne to be done cooking so I can eat. Italian food seems to be all that sounds good lately, which is fine by me!