Shit is fucked up. Last night I was livid. I was blindsided, I felt betrayed and completely in the dark. I almost walked, I had a post ready to go with a big ol’ fuuuuuuck you to everyone, but I was blessed with a convenient cell signal loss which kept me from burning my most important bridge.

Liquor and sleep provided clarity.

This morning I woke up with that post still up in my notes. I read it again, and I felt pure, red hot embarrassment.

*This is what we signed up for.* We were warned from the start that we’re going to be walking a much darker path than the last cycle. I figured instead of ritualistic sacrifice, we’d be seeing something like the wonton killing of our favorite Tension characters. Or maybe it was a play on words, and the darker “shadow” versions of last year’s folks were this year’s characters.

Instead, we got the single greatest left turn in ARG/ARX history.

Everyone upset about last night – good, revel in this feeling. That’s what you signed up for. Remember the first time you went through Ascension? Remember your second? Remember the feeling in your gut when shit was hitting the fan all around you, when you were knelt down in a pile of sand with a gun to your head, or when your friend was being cut to pieces on stage, or when you realized what it meant to look behind the curtain and thereby be responsible for everything happening to your fellow initiates?

You wanted that feeling again. That’s why you’re here.

I encourage anyone upset about this to look deep and think about WHY you’re upset.

Are you upset that you weren’t included last night?

That @joycecarlberg and the OSDM told us to avoid other ARGs, and another ARG turned out to be The Resistance?

Are you upset about something that seemed unrelated to Lust connecting back?

Yes, to all of this. So so so clever!! And yes, for me the reason I got angry was simply:

“That @joycecarlberg and the OSDM told us to avoid other ARGs, and another ARG turned out to be The Resistance?”

I know what I signed up for and I even like that sinking feeling, but I think it’s a feeling of being super loyal and dedicated and wanting to go for something, then just getting really confused when you thought you intentions were pure?

Thank you for your thoughts on this. One thing I’m learning through my experiences is to be less reactive. To learn to pause, take a step back, sort out my feelings, and THEN proceed. Unfortunately I still fail at this from time to time. I’m a work in progress, as we all are.

The more I look back, the more I see the pieces that led up to this, the more I’m in awe at how it all came together. I’m sure y’all noticed I was a bit furious with the OSDM suggesting we ONLY do Lust. I still stand by my point that trying to control what people do with their lives is an absolutely shitty thing. I went into Midnight Commission impressed by what they were putting out, and intrigued to see what more they had to offer. Good shit is good shit, no matter who it comes from.

We knew this would have emotional gut punches. We knew they would do anything they could to get us to FEEL something. And boy oh boy did we get that and then some last night.

I was dumbfounded last night. Beyond the shock of the reveal, the regret that I felt for unfollowing the Midnight Commission, or the general feeling of guilt for being somewhat removed from everything that’s happened recently, more than all of that, I just felt lost.

Where do we go from here? This is uncharted territory. Our lives are becoming more and more synonymous with the story itself. There are no lines to be blurred anymore. Our allegiances are ingrained in us.

I don’t feel angry or upset. I just feel…uncomfortable. I think that’s a good thing to be feeling-nothing about this was ever intended to feel safe and secure.

But after all that happened last year, I thought it wouldn’t be so easy for us to once again find ourselves split alongside different factions and lines. I thought it’d take a different approach-and well, I did see that. An ARG within an ARG-I can’t help but smile when I think of that. Hats off to the Resistance for creating a wonderful way to gain new members.

At the end of it all, I don’t feel like I belong on one side or another.

Neither the ODSM nor the Resistance have given me a reason to side with them other than the Resistance saying the ODSM are the bad guys and the ODSM saying that there’s no point to joining the Resistance because we’re more than powerful enough to tear them down whenever we feel like it.

One side proclaims strength in the face of adversity while the other proclaims absolute strength and control over everything.

In short, I’m not interested in joining a side. I don’t know where things will be in a couple of days, weeks or months.

But I do feel this: I don’t feel like picking a side is the only way to be active. Though I’m not sure how I’d do it, I’m sure that if something ever happens to me I’ll be able to find a way that doesn’t end with me choosing one.

This is absolutely my most favorite response to the weekend’s events. I think it important for people to remember that this discomfort, these surprises and even these feelings of hurt and betrayal is what we signed up for and why we are here.

I don’t yet see any proof of any betrayal. @111error hasn’t sold us all out. The Resistance isn’t taking away your beloved factions or beliefs. This is a movement headed up by a man who was one of us. You may not agree with his stance, and that’s okay. But we, as a community, and you, each of you, were not attacked by this action even if the surprise and tone shift felt like it.

So four days ago they posted “If you want to make enemies try to change something” and everyone in the community is nodding along, liking it, agreeing with it. Then they actually try to change something and everyone flips the fuck out and starts turning on each other. Anyone else find this ironic?

@thegilded, I agree it’s all part of the game and I don’t feel attacked at all. I do feel, though, that if someone genuinely feels attacked their feelings are real for them.

If this is what we signed up for, then let people feel it. It’s like people telling people one day after the election to “get over it”. It doesn’t work that way for most people because feelings can’t be turned on and off. Not speaking for myself here at all, just maybe some others.

But isn’t that the point of an ARG/ARX/WhateverthefuckLustisbecauseIthinkit’ssouniqueithasearneditsowncategory @winstonsmith? As AB said, isn’t that exactly why we’re here? If I wanted to watch something predictable, I’d turn on Friends.

@sfire8 – I totally understand how and why someone would feel slighted, and nobody can tell anyone that their feelings aren’t valid. That was not my intent whatsoever and I sincerely apologize to anyone that took it this way. I was hoping to spark a little introspection on why those feelings surfaced, and reading my original post back I can fully admit that my words were slightly pointed, and I’m sorry for the aggression.

I encourage anyone upset about this to look deep and think about WHY you’re upset.

Are you upset that you weren’t included last night?

That @joycecarlberg and the OSDM told us to avoid other ARGs, and another ARG turned out to be The Resistance?

Yes, yes to both. I was very conflicted last night and I will explain why in case anyone else felt the same way:
I felt I was excluded from being a part of something that I most likely would have enjoyed very much, would have jumped into and was leaning towards that path (aka the Resistance) the night before. I purposefully did not partake in any other ARG’s because I wanted my sole focus to be on Lust and I felt it deserved that from me. If I want to fully immerse myself and really give all of myself, I felt it was only fair that I stayed dedicated and focused on Lust alone, as this is what I know would work best for me. This is my first ARG experience due to being hooked after Ascension last year. The way yesterday was conducted is what really rubbed me the wrong way and made it feel as if I wasn’t worthy to be a part of this faction. I can admit that my insecurities of not being included in things are one of the worst that I have, and I took a step back last night because I was unaware of why I was truly upset. Was it old feelings of being rejected and not included being triggered, or was there really something that was upsetting me about this situation and what was happening. I feel that having a separate ARG and combining Lust (in secret) secluded the community. By announcing “chosen people” who solved puzzles in this other ARG (which took time away from Lust participation essentially) gave the impression that these people were a hierarchy. This makes me fearful that all of the negative things I have heard about BOS from last year, are going to return in full swing and this is what makes me hesitant and what triggered my emotional reaction. I’m not claiming that this will happen, but reservations are present. I am hopeful that this year will blow last year out of the water and any cattiness and bullshit carrying over will be squashed immediately.

As of now, this has solidified my choice to reserve jumping onto a side until I feel more compelled to do so or am sought out. I am hopeful as things settle down, it will be easy to see a more clear and logical path. I am thankful others have voiced their support towards such a choice, because as you said @addisonborn, it doesn’t matter where we choose to stand, we are still participating and doing what we feel is right for us individually. I am always honest with myself and others, and I will always be someone anyone can reach out to if things are feeling overwhelming or suffocating. This is an experience that we signed up for. We knew we would cry, be angry, and become elated at some time or another, or all at once. With that being said, we are a community: let’s be mindful of others’ journeys, respect other’s opinions even if we differ, and keep the peace. I’m here for all of you, no matter what <3

Last night messed with a few things beyond what people are aware of here. From where I stood, some OOG stuff happened as a result and it’s going to take awhile for me to ponder those things and decide whether I can continue.

@shankfx22, I feel exactly the same as you and I think there are a handful of others in the same boat (who chose not to do other ARGS) and who are also choosing not to side yet, as we are feeling a little unsure on how to proceed/play.

@coryphella, I had a feeling there was OOG stuff going on…lots of silence today on the forums.

I’m going to echo @shankfx22 a bit but I’ll keep this brief. Simply put I’m frustrated that I missed out on the Midnight Commission opportunity because like Hannah, I basically give what little time I have to focus on fun stuff, to Lust. Yes I follow other ARGs on Instagram but that’s it. MC seemed really neat but I felt like I couldn’t take on yet another ARG. So when I found out that MC was really not…MC, yes I felt pissed off and betrayed especially after “Joyce” and her collegues plead and preached for us to participate and invest to THIS. Now I’m just resigned and accepted that I missed boat–que sera, cest la vie and all that. No mad at anybody, just frustrated.

So am I willing to just pick a side? No. I have no reason to. OSDM deceived us all in the Compound. The Resistance (yes in a very clever move) was able to recruit some bright folks but under rather deceitful practice.

How people choose sides and stuff, totally your _path, not my business to judge OOG. I’m electing to stay off to the side, “teamless”. I’ll watch what transpires here on the forum, live vicariously through you all, miss the fuck out of everyone and if I ever find time to participate then awesome.

And @addisonborn don’t apologize, I actually find your transparency to your initial reaction refreshing and actually, validating. Nobody’s feelings on here are invalid, regardless what we signed up for.

I’m in the group with @shankfx22 and some others where we focused on Lust cause we’re new and focusing on the thing we’re already involved in. I understand why people feel slighted cause yeah- sucks it was secretly Lust and if it wasn’t secret then it people would have been involved. But also, I applaud that it was sneaky as fuck and it did what they OSDM wanted (curious?) and got a SHIT TON OF EMOTION out of us.
I understand people feel hurt that this was a secret and feel hurt that @111error kept something from us… but THIS IS WHAT WE SIGNED UP FOR. And if you’re going to take it to heart- stop playing. There is literally nothing you can do to change it. It happened. Moving on.
Personally, since this is my first rodeo, this reveal made me question everything to do with Morgan. It made me question if any of our friendship is even real- or if this is literally what I signed up for. Considering that I actually felt like Andy was my friend, then finding out he was a cactus- that was real for me. Real emotions came out of that. So, same happened with Morgan. I’m confused- not hurt. Cause there is nothing I can do to change it, it happened. Moving on just staying confused. Not worrying about it. Whatever.

I’m trying to say- this may take time for people, but we have to accept what happened. That, or step away. Do what you need for yourself.

I share a lot of feelings as @shankfx22 and calmed down a little bit from the shock and frustration of the last 24 hours.

I also am starting to question myself if fence sitting is the right action. I’ve never really understood my path or place in this story, but when I peel back the layers upon layers, distractions and smoke screens, there’s the undeniable fact that the OSDM might have used me to hurt or kill my old friend (Or did they?).

If that is what indeed happened, then I realize I can’t sit on the fence with my middle finger extended to the world. I’ll need to point it at those responsible.

I second @sfire8. @coryphella I don’t know what OOG things you’re referring to, but I hope they get cleared up. This has been an…. interesting past 2 days for sure. A lot of people are on edge and emotions are high. Truly, I’m sorry you had some OOG negative effects from what happened on Sunday. Wishing you the best with getting those things sorted out.