Sometimes children exhibit “magical thinking” and feel like the death of their loved one is in some way their fault. They may have thoughts such as “If I would have…”, “I should have…”, “If I only had…”, and such.

Adults do not NEED to have the answers that children ask, but simply can help by listening and reflecting. For example, if a child says, “Why did Uncle ____ commit suicide?”, a helpful comment from an adult may sound like “You feel curious about why he committed suicide. I feel that way too.”.

Peer groups don’t always provide answers to children’s questions, but do give an opportunity to process and work through grief in a healthy way.

It is important to be OPEN and HONEST at a developmentally appropriate level with kids regarding death. The stories that they make up when left uninformed can be so much scarier than the true ones. Just remember to make the information that you provide “developmentally appropriate”.

Create an environment that kids feel safe and free to ask you questions about anything.

Children don’t always look sad during grief. Children process through grief in their own, unique way.

HOPE – Hold on Pain Ends

It’s important to provide a place for HOPE and renewal.

Focus on good communication with children by “checking in” to see how they are doing.

By talking about death, we don’t “make it happen”. By allowing children to talk about their thoughts and experiences help them to process through the pain a healthy way. However, if a child expresses that they don’t want to talk about it, please respect their space and let them know that you available to listen if they do want to talk about it later.

Feel free to search out other helpful adults that the child may want to talk to instead.

Talk to your child, even if you don’t think that they understand what you are saying.

When your child is grieving, remember to take care of yourself.

Helpful Resources

National Alliance for Grieving Children http://www.nationalallianceforgrievingchildren.org/