Wednesday, November 26, 2008

No, seriously. God has spoken to me and I am inclined to listen. It's no secret that I've struggled all of my life with questions about faith and organized religion. But this? If this had been around in my "formative years" then things might have been very different. Although I wasn't married then. So this might not have been as formative as I initially thought. But, IT IS STILL EASILY THE COOLEST THING I'VE HEARD IN A LONG TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*disclaimer* To any of my readers who happen to be seriously happy and content with their faith in God, I love you for it and often wish I had the same faith. This post was written entirely tongue-in-cheek. No offense intended.

Friday, November 21, 2008

...what I will do when my little ones get that old. I'm speaking about a news story I heard today on the way to work. Apparently a new movie was released last night called 'Twilight.' I am so out of the loop that I had no clue what the heck this was all about but the point of this post is not the movie itself, which from what I've heard today I'm not sure is even appropriate for its audience. Something about vampires and love and hot boys and all marketed to the 8th grade set. Interesting. Though again, not the point of this post. The point? Midnight release. On a Thursday. Not a holiday weekend kind of Thursday mind you, just a normal run of the mill type Thursday. As in school night kind of Thursday. With bazillions of pre-teen and teenaged kids all over the place going to see a movie AT MIDNIGHT!!!!

Am I the only one who thinks that this is a bit out of line with what 12 and 13-year-olds should be doing at midnight on a school night? Waiting until 7pm the next day and seeing the movie like we would have to have done was apparently just too much for some kids to accept? Is it just bizarre to think that parents can draw a line at leaving the house after 8pm on a school night?

No, clearly I am not the only one. As I was listening to WTOP this morning on my drive I heard a snippet of the President of the National PTA talking about how out of whack this is, how parents should know when to put their foot down and make the right choices for their children. I've searched all over pta.org, WTOP, CNN, Washpost.com, NPR, etc. trying to find the clip or at least a news story of this woman and what she had to say but apparently the Obama's choosing Sidwell Friends School for their kids is a far more important news item than millions of parents allowing their kids to do something outrageous like this.

So, as I began this post... I wonder what I will do when JAM is 14 or 15 and comes to me with the latest "I have to this or I'll be labeled a social outcast" or Red decides that she needs to go to that party even though it might not be the safest choice. I hope we'll do what we need to do now, and in the next few years, to lay the ground work so that we won't have these kinds of issues but even with all the planning and good intentions, something like this will inevitably surface. I know it will, and I hope I'll be able to look the kid in the eye and say no. Even if it means I'll lose my Dad of the Year title. Well, let's be serious. Like I was ever going to be in the running for that in the first place.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

No seriously, I'm not a bad father. Let me explain!!! This past Saturday was Pudge's first birthday. Normally I try to post at least a happy birthday announcement or something of the sort to at least immortalize the moment. And to make it look like I care. Because I do. Really.

But this time, I had a different idea. I knew Wifey would post something, which she did, and it was a wonderful account that will no doubt serve as birth control to all young ladies who read it. But, I had something different in mind. You see, as our good friend Geoff was taking pictures so I could actually be involved in the singing to Pudge, I couldn't help but reminisce about JAM and Red's first birthdays and their mandatory cake-all-over-the-place pictures. So, that was the post I wanted to write. But, I couldn't for a few days because actually remembering all the requisite pieces, such as time, availability, having the hard drive available to get to the old pics, etc., is tough to do when you suffer from CRS. Oh, that's Can't Remember S&$t for those of you who don't know.

Moving on.... The party was a huge success, thanks to Wifey's tireless planning and preparation that took three days. Seriously, three days. Well, when you have 16 people in a house made for 4 it takes a lot of doing. Especially when you're dumb enough to have kids in a cold month, and then it rains all day so the attendees can't go outside and play like Daddy had hoped. Yes, I was very nervous that everyone would be miserably crammed into our teeny little home. In the end it worked out wonderfully and everyone at least said they had a good time. Thank goodness our friends are such bold-faced liars. :)

The strangest think about the party though... Pudge decided he wasn't a fan of chocolate cake. Didn't want to have anything to do with actually eating it. Playing with it? Smushing it? Throwing it around our dining room? Oh, he's fine with all of that, certainly. But putting some in his mouth? Like Sarah Palin, thanks but no thanks. At this point I'd normally make a joke about wanting to get him tested to see if he is really mine but if we could track the cake-eating addition in our household I would venture to say that Wifey takes the prize and I can attest to the fact Pudge did indeed arrive along traditional means from said woman. So who knows why, maybe he is just one of those wacky kids who doesn't like cake. Better for him I'd say. I've seen what his mom does to people who stand in her way of cake.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

I realize this may not be a shocking statement but I'm confused about something. I am a breakfast eater. I can't not do it. I get grumpy and end up eating something crappy later in the morning if I don't eat something for breakfast. But, I tend to leave my house before the rest of the brood is up and running around so I don't usually eat breakfast at home. I have some time at my desk in the morning, while catching up on email or getting ready for the day when I will eat a bagel or a bowl of cereal. Yes, I have a lot of food in the office. I hate spending 8 or 10 bucks for a crappy lunch every day so I'm known around the office as the place to go when hungry. I have a fully stocked mini-fridge, and enough canned goods to survive a small storm.

So, after eating said breakfast I wish to brush my teeth, which seems like a normal enough thing to want to do right? However, I've been experiencing the strangest thing. I work in the training department of my organization which means that we have lots of visitors in our building all the time, all of whom are strangers to me. That goes to say that I also share the restroom with many strangers. Now, the point of the "Boys are funny" title is this... when men use the same restroom in many situations there is a code. Depending on the level of comfort amongst the patronage, there will be varying degrees of silence or conversation. This sometimes even extends to those enjoying what we will call a longer and more involved process taking place behind closed doors. I mean it, guys outside will carry on a conversation with someone on the inside while that inside person is taking care of some seriously personal business. That is just strange, but still not the point of this post.

Here is the point - given this very interesting culture that develops in a men's restroom (between men currently holding on to their most prized possessions) why is it that little 'ol me gets the strangest looks while I am just brushing my teeth? Seriously, you should see the looks I get from guys who were just scratching and/or taping (way too many times too, anything more than 3 taps is just playing BTW) their junk or pushing with all their might while carrying on conversations with one another.

It's just strange.

And dudes.... wash your hands... with soap. Waving your hands in the general direction of the sink just doesn't cut it.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

...comes the bad right? With all the excitement and joy that followed last Tuesday's historical election I've been remiss in not using my teeny tiny little soapbox to speak up and decry the work done by a minority to outdo the wishes of the majority. I'm speaking, of course, of Prop 8 in California. I'm not going to waste time, or paragraphs, trying to change the minds of those set against the love of one person towards another. I do, however, want to speak to those who blindly followed any religion in opposition of the right of one person to enter into a commitment with another person, whatever the title attached to it.

In my knowledge of history each and every religion has in some way been persecuted against by members of their society or other religions. The Celtic Pagans were wiped out by the Catholics, the Native American's spirituality was wiped out by the Christianity of the American government and pioneers, the early adherents of Christianity were summarily executed for their beliefs by the ruling Roman government, the leaders of the American Mormon Church battled each other and were driven from their homes and murdered in cold blood, and the list could go on and on. The point? Simplistically stated, in my mind, members of any organized religion should be some of the most understanding and supportive members of our community. They have felt the point of the sword from those that don't understand, they have suffered by the hand of those that sought to oppress. How could anyone who adheres to any religion that I know, that teaches love and hope, possibly find enough animosity or (I don't want to use the word hate because I don't know if that strong a word is true) fear to take a stand against two people entering into a loving and committed relationship?

I know there are folks out there that are far more eloquent than I could ever be speaking on this topic. I don't have legions of production assistants or graduate students finding sources or writing copy for me. What I do have is the pleasure of picking up pieces produced by such organizations. I'd like to point to a piece done by Keith Olberman. Normally I watch Olberman because he makes me smile, laugh, and I have to admit that he and I lean in the same direction; although I fear he is a little more diagonal than I am. But in this instance, he is speaking not through a political lens, this is about people, about real human beings being denied basic human rights. And here I was thinking that we already fought for all of this back in the 60's.

Where I live, people are people. Love is love. Instead of spending your time finding fault with how other folks live why don't you volunteer at a local homeless shelter or at your local school? It might teach you some humility and increase your love for others less fortunate or just plain different than you. We could all use a little bit more of that.

This little kid of mine is just too much. Last night, after we stopped off to get JAM and Red a haircut (Red's first BTW, pics soon), we took a quick run in to the local food mart (which I hate so I'll not be giving them any free press here). Way in the back, next to the other processed meat food (hot dogs and sausage) is a huge colorful display of the Lunchables. Perhaps you've seen these little bits of hell? If not, let me explain. Take a seemingly innocent enough lunch-time meal that a child might find enjoyable such as pizza, ham and cheese, hot dogs, etc. Then, jam and cram as much sodium and fat as you possibly can into these innocent looking, colorful, comes-with-a-treat, box lunches. Yeah, explaining why I'm saying no to these is not the easiest thing to do when confronted with a young child's pleadings. I mean, how bad can pizza fixings on a cracker be?

Um, I'm sorry. Did that say 48% of an adult's daily allowance of sodium? Combined with 45% of the daily recommended max for saturated fat?

And parents willingly let their children eat this garbage? Why exactly? I mean I know we shove a lot of crap into our own mouths but we're lost causes right? These are our children we're talking about!

Which segues nicely into the next part of my story. So here we are, in aisle 3, or as I like to call it "the aisle of killing me softly with meat by-products", with JAM begging me for a Lunchable. Now, this hasn't happened in quite a while because as you may know, JAM doesn't eat much of anything that isn't pizza, grilled cheese, PB&J, hot dogs, or pancakes. So when he comes out with "Daddy - will you please buy me a Lunchables?" I immediately said no of course but then wondered quietly to myself why he asked me that. But, with the other younglings two in tow and Wifey and I trying our hardest to get in and out as fast as we could I decided to shelve that question until later.

Then, while we were down perusing the fresh fruits and veggies (where we spend the most money by far - it's tough trying to do this right - those Lunchables are looking better and better all the time) JAM asks me a strange, what I thought of as out-of-the-blue question.... "Daddy, are Happy Meals bad for you?" At this point I'm distracted trying to figure out the difference between an organic green pepper and a grown-with-pounds-of-cancer-causing-chemicals green pepper when they are sitting right next to each other, looking exactly he same but one costing twice as much. So, in this distracted state I give my immediate answer - yes, of course Happy Meals are junk - almost everything at Mickey-D's is junk. Totally didn't see what came next.... do you?

So out comes his next question..... "Daddy, if Happy Meals are junk and you eat them why can't I get a Lunchables?"

Two things instantly crossed my mind. First, I am so totally never giving him the toy from a Double Cheeseburger Mighty Kids Happy Meal that I buy so I can get him the damn toy again. I mean, I'll still get my beloved double cheeseburgers (I am the King of the Dollar Menu), but he ain't getting squat. And, in the interest of full disclosure .... Double Cheeseburger Mighty Kids Meal.

ohhhhhhhhhhh... soooooo goooooooood....... Just look at all that protein!

The second thing that crossed my mind? This kid is too smart for his own damn good. Or mine. I blame his mother.

And you want to know the kicker to all of this???? He didn't even want the damn Lunchables! He just wanted to get some *&$%ing Star Wars card that is inside so he can play a $*%@ing Star Wars game on the Lunchables web site.

Saturday, November 8, 2008

Today (yesterday? did I post this too late???) my beautiful bride celebrated her birthday with a day full of the normal screaming, crying, diapers, laughs, smiles and love she enjoys (?) every day home with the babies. The real fun came with a dinner out at Chevy's with some great friends and a ton of kids. Yeah, lots and lots of kids.

Happy 33rd dear wife. I appreciate you each and every day, I love you more and more with each passing minute, and I have absolutely no clue how you keep sane with all that screaming. ;)

Nothing mind-blowing here, this is just a post so I can remember it in years to come. I'm sitting on my couch, 8:40pm on election Tuesday, next to Wifey and JAM, Wifey's hetero-life-partner L is here with us too, watching the election coverage. I love the fact that we can share this monumental event with JAM, telling him what's going on, explaining the Electoral College (well shoot, I'm trying to explain it to Wifey too ;) ), really showing him how this whole thing works.

He won't be able to stay up for even more than the <1% in-type projections but at this point Obama is up 100+ to 30-something. That would make me have nice dreams. He did get to vote with Wifey this morning (after getting up at 6:30 and standing on line for more than 2 1/2 hours!!!! unmedicated!!!!! I would rather get intimate with a very sharp stick) so he was even able to participate in his own way. Apparently he and Wifey were having a conversation debating whether he would remember any of this in 20 years. Hopefully, if blogger doesn't go out of business or anything, this might serve as a nice reminder.