Kevin Frisch: Spellcheck Roulette

Kevin Frisch

Thursday

Oct 25, 2007 at 12:01 AMOct 25, 2007 at 3:12 AM

Funny Thing ... Names

If you're reading a newspaper some day — and God love you if you are — and you come across a reference to New York’s Gov. Spitfire, you will have not only an inattentive editor, but Spellcheck to thank.

Spellcheck, the computer function that checks for spelling errors, is a wonderful device — especially for a column writer. Before it came along, weak speller that I am, I limited my columns to words of no more than four letters (as opposed to four-letter words). Anything longer and I'd be forced to track down Funk and/or Wagnalls.

But with Spellcheck, a writer could sail through a piece without hesitation, ignoring whether it is the c's or the s's that were doubled in “occasion;” how many y's are in “dysentery;” if a hyphen is needed in “neoconservatives.” I soon became quite facile at sentences like “Many is the occasion I wish dysentery on neoconservatives.”

But like any useful tool, Spellcheck has its drawbacks. It sometimes suggests the wrong correction, for example, leading to sentences like “She barely slid down the pole,” which, while perhaps more interesting than what was intended, can lead to angry letters that include words like “libel.”

But the bigger pitfall to be avoided is that, except for surnames that are also proper words — Bush and Gore, for example — Spellcheck will suggest alternate spellings. Editors who inadvertently click on “replace” rather than “skip” do so at their own peril.

And here's an interesting aside: Spellcheck often suggests words that are not entirely uncharacteristic of the highlighted name, as we saw with Gov. Spitfire. I don't know whether Gov. Eliot Spitzer drinks — lord knows I would if I had to deal with that Legislature — but the second most-suggested Spellcheck word for his last name is “spritzer.”

Let us highlight a few other famous or noteworthy names and see what Spellcheck has to offer:

POLITICS

Newt Generic (former House Speaker Gingrich)

Chris Odd (presidential candidate Dodd)

Rudy Gullying (presidential candidate Giuliani)

Mike Huggable, or Hackable (presidential candidate Huckabee)

Mitt Romeo (presidential candidate Romney)

Hairy Radium (presidential candidate Hillary Rodham)

Brick Abeam (presidential candidate Barack Obama)

Antiunion Scalier (Supreme Court justice Antonin Scalia)

David Outer (Supreme Court justice Souter)

THE ARTS

Rosie Downhill (entertainer O'Donnell)

Katie Caloric (anchor Couric)

Steven Spellbind (director Spielberg)

John Triviality (actor Travolta)

Lanyard Agitprop (actor Leonardo DiCaprio)

Adam Slander (actor Sandler)

Johnny Deep, Dope, Dupe and Dip (actor Depp)

Lindsey Loan, Lean and Loon (actress Lohan)

Angeleno Jolly (actress Angelina Jolie)

Cameron Daze (actress Diaz)

Nicole Kidneys (actress Kidman)

Up Giddy (music mogul P Diddy)

WESTERN NY LUMINARIES

Ellen Palimony (Canandaigua city Mayor Polimeni)

Ted Fluffiness — I swear! (Farmington Supervisor Fafinski)

Leslie Bemoan (Victor Supervisor Bamann)

William Dingier (Manchester Supervisor Eddinger)

Lloyd Cannier (Canandaigua town Supervisor Kinnear)

Brian Kelp (Assemblyman Kolb)

Michael Nozzle (state Sen. Nozzolio)

Michael Daintily, or Tentacle (Ontario County DA Tantillo)

Bob Lonesomely (radio host Lonsberry)

Palmy Campaign (state Senate candidate Paloma Campana)

Kevin Fresh, or Frisky (apprentice pundit Frisch)

Kevin Fresh — er, Frisch is managing editor of the Daily Messenger in Canandaigua, N.Y. Contact him at (585) 394-0770/Ext. 257 or by e-mail at KFrisch@ MPNewspapers.com.