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Tistory Tuesday

Like I used to tell Diane, you have to know where you’ve been to jive to where you’re going. Which is why, when we began dating, I provided her with a list of references.

That’s why I’ve started Tistory Tuesday – a multi-part series documenting the history of our noble profession, from Earth’s creation 6,000 years ago to today.

Dentists have held an important role in society throughout human history. As a matter of fact, studies show that early Assyrians chose their leaders based on who had the best smiles. In Ancient Egypt, before Pharoahs were said to be part god and part king, they were said to “have tith [teeth] that shown as brightly as the eye of Ra, and sharper than the crocodile’s cunning.”

But of all the important inventions that separate modern ToothJocks from our ancestors, there’s one that stands head and shoulders above the rest – or should I say, collar and sleeve? Of course, I’m referring to the labcoat.

The lab coat is a symbol of learning in Argentina, where it is worn by students.

But how did the labcoat catch on in America? Well, like all our best music, it really caught on in the 1960s.

Labcoats have always been a symbol of peace, love, and staying warm without resorting to such unprofessional attire as “hoodies.” But lest we forget their most important purpose – sex appeal!

I’m normally a smile-man, but even I would go for the legs on her! I wonder how she got so toned? I spend 45 minutes on the stair master twice a week and all I have to show for it is massive thighs that barely fit in my cargo pants.

But let’s look towards the future. What’s next for the trusty labcoat? Stain-resistant sleeves? Self-drying hem? Being a member of the International Labcoat League (I.L.L.,) I’m privy to all kind of pilot programs, and have been beta testing one prototype that I’m particularly excited about, especially for the after-lunch appointments (garlic-breath has been known to shorten careers by years and, in extreme cases, lead to cataracts.)

I’m talking about the full-body DentaSuit 64.

If you’re as excited about the DentaSuit as I am, consider donating to the I.L.L. Your tax deductible donation can help spread the I.L.L.ness by keeping us all healthy… and sylin‘.