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"A Christmocs Carol" . .
Some things to remember while reading this story.
First, Mark Kelso is in NO way ANYTHING like his on screen counterpart. Mark is one of the nicest people I’ve ever met. Lego world or not, I’m proud to be able to call him my friend and hope to do so for many years to come.
What is Christmocs day? That’s the one day of the year where everyone gathers together to share their latest creations and get feedback from everyone else. Everyone comments on everyone’s creations with words of encouragement. As you’ll see, not everyone thinks this is a good idea…
About the story. While reading, try to think of MOCpages as more of a tangible place rather than an internet site. Almost like a club house where everyone gathers to share their creations and exchange comments. In this world, Kelso has become SO famous that it’s gone to his head. He truly believes that he is better than everyone and is too good to mingle with the riff raff that visit MOCpages (again… not REALLY Mark). He has opened his own studio and has hired MOCpages users as his grunt workers. Now that we’re up to speed on the world this story is set in…
10:01 AM, Christmocs eve, 2009.
Mr. Bones: “Man I’m late. I hope he’s not too mad.”
Mr. Bones: “Nah, what am I worried about? It’s Christmocs eve. Even Mr. Kelso will understand. I’ll just explain what happened and it’ll be fine.”
Mr. Bones: “Sorry I’m late Mr. Kelso sir.”
Kelso: “When I hired you I thought you understood how important this was?”
Kelso: “This is my masterpiece. The one that will solidify my immortality in the annals of Lego god hood. This is my Mona Lisa, my Venus de Milo, my…”
Kelso: “Are you even listening to me?”
Bones: “Huh, wha… I mean, yes, of course sir. You know I hang on your every word.”
Kelso: “Hmph. So, why are you late anyway?”
Bones: Well sir, I’ve been out running errands, getting ready for the Christmocs party tomorrow. I was kind of hoping I could get the rest of the day off to get everything ready? It is Christmocs eve after all.”
Kelso: “Of course you can have the day off. As a matter of fact, why don’t you take the rest of the year off? I’ll even do you one better, take the rest of your life off! You’re fired!”
Bones: “What? No, please! Not on Christmocs eve! What will I tell little Boner?”
Kelso: “Get out! The nerve… I don’t take time off for Christmocs eve and I don’t expect people who work for me to either!”
Kelso works tirelessly on his creation. Nothing else matters. Not friends, not food, not bathroom breaks… not even Christmocs eve. Later that night, as he arrives at his home…
Kelso: “Christmocs eve… HA! What a concept. Like I need to be a part of something like that? I’m Mark Kelso for god’s sake! People should thank their lucky stars that I bless them by allowing them to comment on my genius.”
Kelso: “It’s good to see at least some people work on Christmocs eve. Hans did an almost passable job on shoveling my front walkway.”
Kelso: “What the Bah-Humbug? Who built THAT? Hans is SO fired!”
Lee Jones: “You should really give people a break you know. It’s Christmocs eve.”
Kelso: “Well Grinch my chestnuts! Lee Jones! What brings you out to visit on a night like this?”
Lee: “Mark, we need to have a little talk. Are you going to invite me inside?”
Kelso: “I wasn’t planning on it, no.”
Lee: “Just open the door would ya?”
Kelso: “Now that you’ve wormed your way in to my house, what do you want?”
Lee: “Ok, for starters, I’m not really Lee Jones. I only took this form because it’s one you’d be comfortable with.”
Kelso: “Ok Lee, whatever… and you know I can’t get to comfortable around you. Not ever since you spiked my drink and I blacked out for a day. You still owe me royalties on those pictures by the way.”
Lee: “Mark, you need to change your ways. MOCpages accepts you now, but soon, your selfishness and rudeness is going to catch up with you. You won’t be “Kelso” forever you know?”
Kelso: “Are you kidding? I like who I am! And MOCpages loves me and they always will!”
Lee: “Hang on a sec, what’s behind this door?”
Kelso: “No wait, don’t open that…”
“Baaaaa”
Lee: “Why is there a sheep in your shower trying to wash away the shame?”
Kelso: “I don’t know. I told her it didn’t work for Sterling after you were done with him.”
Lee: “Touche’.”
Lee: “Well Mark, if I can’t convince you, then it’s decided. You will be visited by three spirits tonight. I hope you’ll pay attention to what they have to tell you.”
Kelso: “I’ve had about enough of this game…”
Kelso: “Did Phipson put you up to… this?... Where did you go? Lee? Lee? Bah!”
Kelso: “Where ever you’re hiding, I’m going to bed. Let yourself out…. Not ewe Dolly!”
Kelso: “Who does Lee think he is?”
Kelso: “I’m Mark Kelso! They worship me!”
Dennis Price: “And that’s about the only way you can get anyone on their knees for you.”
Kelso: “Seven lords a leaping! Where did you come from?”
Dennis: “I’m the spirit of Christmocs past Mark. I’m here to help you remember what Christmocs used to mean to you.”
Kelso: “Ummm… ok. So, if you’re a spirit, why did you choose Dennis’ form?”
Dennis: “Because Dennis is so old, he’s been at EVERY Christmocs since the beginning. You remember that inn keeper that turned down Sean Kenney’s mom the night he was born? That was Price. Anyway, enough backstory. You ready”
Kelso: “For what?”
Dennis: “Hang on! It’s time to visit Christmocs past!”
Kelso: “This place looks familiar… where are we?”
Dennis: “Christmocs past. Duh. We’re at your house when you were 9.”
Dennis: “This is where you first discovered your love of the brick. Nice shag carpeting by the way.”
Kelso: “Hey it was the 70s. Just be happy it wasn’t on the walls too. Hey, that’s my mom!”
Mrs. Kelso: “Wow Mark. That’s really good honey. I’m very impressed.”
Mr. Kelso: “Don’t encourage him. He didn’t even cover the studs. Next thing you know he’ll turn in to some fruity artist or a baton twirler or something even worse like an ice skater! Put that away before you embarrass yourself Mark.”
Mrs. Kelso: “You heard your father Mark. Put the Lego away and go watch football shirtless outside with your chest painted blue in 12 degree weather. That’s what real men do.”
Dennis: “That was your turning point Mark. That’s when it all started to go downhill.”
Kelso: “Take me home, I don’t want to see this anymore.”
Dennis: “I’ll take you home, but your nights not over yet.”
Kelso: “Phew, it was all a dream. I’m safe alone in my bed”
Phipson: “Well safe, but not alone.”
Kelso: “What the Frosty the snowman!??!”
Kelso: “Let me guess… Christmocs present right? So tell me spirit, why did you choose this form? It sure wasn’t for the looks.”
Phipson: “Well, Dennis beat me out on age for “past,” and at the rate I’m going, I’m sure as hell not going to be MOCpages future. But enough chit chat. Turn around, it’s time to go.”
Kelso: “Dennis threw me out a window to get to the past. How are we going to visit Christmocs present?”
Phipson: “Just take a deep breath, let it out slowly and relax. It’ll all be over before you know it.”
Phipson: “Ok, here we gooooo!”
Phipson: Well Mark, here we are. Here are your friends getting ready for the Christmocs party tomorrow. Or they would be if they didn’t have to console Mr. Bones after you fired him.”
Garth Danielson: “I can’t believe he fired you?
Brian Kescenovitz: “Did you even try to pretend you were interested in what he was saying?”
Dave Sterling: “Don’t sweat it Boner, I mean Bones, It’s Christmocs, we’ll get you your comments.”
Heath: “Where’s the booze?”
Garth: “I should go over there and give him a piece of my mind.”
Heath: “Booze and the chicks?”
Heath: “What?”
Dave Sterling: “Look, after I get the futon in here, we’ll get this party started! It’ll all be better this way, you’ll see.”
Kelso: “See, he’s fine. And my friends love me more than ever.”
Phipson: “Wait for it…”
Bones: “You guys are right. I don’t need that Feliz NaviDorks comments anyway!”
Garth: “That’s the spirit!”
Kelso: Ok, I got the point… take me home.”
Kelso: “Do they really think so little of me?”
Kelso: “I mean sure, I could have been nicer here and there, but I mean come on! I’m Mark Kelso! Who could POSSIBLY replace ME?”
J.D. Luse: “Let’s start a list shall we?”
Kelso: “Winter wonderland! Would you guys STOP that!??!”
JD: “I guess you know who I am and why I’m here?”
Kelso: “You’re here to show me the future and my death right?”
JD: “In a manner of speaking…”
JD: “…yes.”
Kelso: “What in all that is boughs of holly is that thing?”
JD: “That’s your future Mark. Pay attention. If nothing else scared you this night, this will.”
(future) Kelso: “This is it Kaleta! The MOC that will bring me back into the spotlight! My finest achievement!”
Dave Kaleta: “Sure Mark, whatever you say dude. Look, it was nice hearing from you, but I’ve got a party to go to. Later.”
Kelso: “Spirit, I can’t believe this. This can’t be what happens to me? Take me home, I can’t see this anymore.”
JD: “Not yet mark, there’s one more thing you need to see.”
Kelso: “What are we doing in front of my workshop? And who’s that old loser?”
JD: “Listen.”
Halo Kiddie: “How do you know when you’re irrelevant?”
Clone Kiddie: “When your name’s Mark Kelso! HAHAHA”
Kelso: “No, this can’t be. How did this happen?”
JD: “This is what happens when you think you’re better than everyone else and don’t take the time to thank the people who put you on top.”
Kelso: “If Phipson said that, there’d be a joke following it.”
Kelso: “Look, take me back. I can change. It’s not too late! I Promise, just one more chance! I can…”
Kelso: “…change.”
Kelso: “Oh please don’t let it be too late. I hope I didn’t miss it.”
Kelso: “Hey you there, Halo Kiddie. What day is it today?”
Halo Kiddie: “Why, it’s Christmocs morning sir.”
Kelso: “YAHOOO! It’s not too late! I didn’t miss it! Stay there, I’m coming down.”
Kelso: “Come on kid, we’ve got a party to get to!”
Halo Kiddie: “Kelso’s taking ME to a Christmocs party? What year is this, 2012?”
Kelso: “Here we are! The party’s just starting! I can’t wait to comment on everyone’s mocs!”
Kelso: “HO HO HO! Merry Christmocs!”
Heather: “Wait, what did he just call us?”
Stacy: “He’d better not be talking to us!”
Klementina: “If he is, I’m gonna kick him straight in the Jingle Bells!”
Kelso: “It’s so festive! Look, they even got an elf!”
Elf: “Hey, I’ll have you know I’m 5 foot 9!”
Clone Kiddie: “Mr. Kelso, can you chek out mi custim clone?”
Kelso: “WOW, So kewl! Itz awsum and you got mad sharpy skillz! Woot! 11eleven11! 50 gazillian starz!”
Kelso: “And as for you Bones… I’d like to come back. Not as my employee, but as my partner.”
Bones: “I got a better idea, you can be MY partner.”
Kelso: “Deal.”
JD: “So, are we gonna tell him the truth?”
Phipson: “Not a chance.”
All Singing: “We wish you a merry Christmocs,
we wish you a merry Christmocs,
we wish you a merry Christmocs and a happy new build.
Good comments we bring to you on your mocs,
From Goldman, Sean Kenney and of course Shannon rocks!
We wish you a merry Christmocs,
we wish you a merry Christmocs,
we wish you a merry Christmocs and a haaaapyyyyy… newwww… buillllllllld!”
Stacy: “Lego bless us, every one.”
Fourth Wall Commentary: Merry Christmocs everyone! This little gem came into being a little over a month ago. I was talking to Kelso, trying to get him to do a Christmas special like he did last year with Yule Fools. We were tossing ideas back and forth about what to do and I said “Hey, how about doing “A Christmas Carol?” If you don’t do it, I will.” That’s all Mark needed to hear and the next thing I knew, I was racking my brain to come up with what I could possibly do for this, and this is what I came up with. Hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed doing it.
A special thanks to Dennis Price. Thanks for the idea on the windows, worked out perfectly! And the snowman as well. Dennis sent me that in a little carepackage for Christmas and I promised him I'd work it in to the moc. And also to Dennis and Lee. I know you guys were right, but I ran out of time. Vacation coming up and if I didn’t post this today, it wouldn’t have been posted till after Christmas and it really would have been too late. But I’ll remember both of those tips for next time. Also, Dylan... thanks for the idea on the Sean Kenney sig fig... that was too hilarious not to copy!
And Finally, to Kelso. See what happens when you say “No Chris, you should really do it.” For those that didn’t read it at the top, Mark is NOT like this at all! He’s one of the nicest and most generous people I know, Lego group or not. Thanks for putting up with me Mark. You’re a true friend.
That’s it from me people! Everyone have a safe and merry Christmas and happy new year! Till next time true believers!
~Chris.