December 2009

12/31/2009

I don't recommend giving birth two your second child, via c-section, with two bleeding uteri, during the holiday season and in the midst of a move across town to a fixer-upper new home.

Rest?

Yeah right.

We officially moved on Tuesday. Thanks to the Everett/Jordan clan of helpers. And though I didn't lift a box, I didn't really rest and now I sit in our new house surrounded by boxes. Olive is asleep on my chest so I'm typing with one hand again. Still not myself, tired, weak, and foggy, but no longer dizzy whenever I stand up.

Nick and Elias just walked to the school playground bundled in their long underwear and snow pants for our 10 degree weather. I wish I could join them, but I'm not there yet, so I'm thankful Nick is present and able. Elias needs the familiarity of platforms and slides

The past few weeks have been hardest on Elias as he is not able to really articulate his fears and anxiety and yet the approaching move, Mommy's poor health, and the arrival of a new sister who is not nearly as exciting as she was made out to be before her arrival, has his world turned upside down.

I wouldn't say he loves Olive. Not yet. "Why did Olive come out of your belly?" he asks me daily. And though he has had grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins , and friends to play with, I know he misses his Mommy who seems to continually hold this blob of a baby who only cries, sleeps, poops and nurses. Not much fun for a five year old boy.

I look forward to school starting next week, so he can return to a routine he knows. And so maybe I can find more time to write. Or sleep. Or unpack this bounty of boxes. Or more likely just sit here like this, holding little Olivia because I can, because she's not in the NICU but home for the holidays and the long cold months to come.

I hope to finally load some pictures on the computer tomorrow, now that my head is a little clearer, and will share them for my Happy Friday post. And someday I will write her birth story-- but that may take me little longer. Thank you all for your love and support. May the new year bring you unexpected light and joy.

12/26/2009

I sit in the same rocking chair I held Elias in during countless sleepless nights, holding his baby sister Olive. I'm typing with one hand and the computer screen still hurts my head but I wanted to say hello, let you know I'm alive and though not yet well, I exist in a ominous cloud of euphoria and exhaustion.

She made it. Full term. Beautiful. And Healthy.

I've never felt so weak, standing up for more than fifteen minutes makes my head spin, but I sit here with this nursing seven pound baby and it is all worth it. The image of the mother pleading, 'Take me not my child," holds true. I'm so relieved that it was me who lay in the hospital, hooked up to monitors, oxygen, and an I.V. and not my little Olive.

I'll write the full story of her birth when I feel stronger, the writer in me has been struggling with my inability to compose, not jut to share with all of you but for my own need to makes sense of it all. Its what I do. Write to understand. But losing almost half my blood has left me in this strange haze with no metal clarity or physical strength.

In short, the pitocin caused both uteri to contract, and after the c-section (as it turned out the only anatomical way for Olive to come out as my right cervix curved at the end like a hockey stick) as I lay in the recovery room, my left uterus "gave birth" to nine months of built up blood and tissue, believing it was pregnant too. For a couple hours I bled as Nick and Olivia cuddled on the couch in another room.

There's more to the story, but I wanted to at least explain the blood-loss, before Olivia and my throbbing head pull me from the computer. Back to bed.

But before I go I need to say, I am beyond grateful for Nick's love and for the support of my family and friends, without whom I'd be lost. For all of you, for your prayers and healing thoughts and words, all of which have been read to me by Nick or my mom.

And Elias, oh my little Elias, who seems to have grown years in the past week, how I miss him. He does not like seeing his Mama like this, and has thankfully been surrounded by doting grandparents who continue to amaze me with their ability to be five again and to fill his days with imaginative play, structure, and that oh so holy word love.

12/22/2009

Christy asked me to update you all on her progress. Christy is still recovering (now at home). She needs to be away from the computer for a little while, she can not really focus on a computer screen at this time. She lost a significant amount of blood after the birth but over time and with the assistance of iron rich foods will recover soon. Olive is doing great. She has been gaining weight, sleeping, pooping and nursing well. I will get some additional photo's on soon. Thank you all and I know Christy is composing Olive's story in her head and will share with you all soon. Thanks for being such loyal readers.
Nick

12/20/2009

Christy will be sharing the full story soon. She is resting after some complications and blood loss. We are doing well taking turns with Olive, and trying to rest. Here is our first available digital picture of Olive. More will come soon. Thanks for all your thoughts and prayers. We are so excited to share Olive with the world.
Nick.

12/18/2009

Olivia was born this afternoon by c-section. 6 pounds 15 ounces. 20 inches long with a good set of lungs. Mother and Father doing well but in need of recuperation. Written be anxious grand parents who are very excited!

12/16/2009

If Olive doesn't arrive on her own over the next 36 hours, we will head to the hospital at 6:00 a.m. Friday morning for a scheduled induction.

And if labor doesn't progress by Friday afternoon I'll have another c-section.

I can't wait the standard two weeks past my due date because she's running out of space in my smaller-than-average uterus. My fluid levels are a little low. And my placenta has already aged to a grade 3.

And they won't let me labor too long due to my increased risk of uterine rupture.

So that's the plan.

And I'd lie if I said I wasn't disappointed. Or frustrated by the irony of it all. I mean here I am facing another medical intervention because I'm past my due date!!??!!

I don't know, I know as the mom of a former micro-preemie, a boy with special needs, I'm blessed to have made it this far and if we can get her out safely that far exceeds any birth expectations on my part.

I know this. It's written all over my "birth plan". (Oh how I smirk at the term plan.)

And yet over the past few weeks I've let myself read about labor and delivery and imagined myself experiencing a natural childbirth. I saw myself breathing through contractions, gritting my way through transition and watching my girl's head crown as I pushed with all I've got. And maybe, but...

I have to readjust again.

As always.

Its what we do, I guess, keep shifting our weight to find our balance when the earth trembles beneath our feet.

12/15/2009

December 15th. Here it is. Yep. Less than four hours left in the "official" day and no baby yet.

I see my doctor in the morning and it looks like we'll have the conversation I never predicted:

How late is it safe for me to go? Can I just keep waiting for two weeks? Is induction an option with my c-section scars or will another surgery be in the cards if she doesn't come on her own? Technically this isn't a V-BAC because Olive is in my "virgin" uncut right uterus but will my left uterus contract with the drugs? Will Olive get too cramped if we wait too long? My placenta showed signs of aging at my last ultrasound at 34 weeks, how is it now at 40?

These are just a few of my questions. That is, if she doesn't make her entrance tonight.

I'll let you know what she says.

Who would have thought, from 24 weeks to 40... plus?!?

I truly believe I wouldn't have made it to full term without the collective energy of all your hearts and souls to carry us here. Thank you doesn't say enough.