Hair + Mainstream Media + Guys = Self-Esteem destructor

(me! @ my boyfriend's house Picture taken during this post, so that's why I look gloomy, lol)

Sometimes guys can be dumb. That goes without saying... but I want to tell you about my experience today (for the ump-teenth time)...

So it took me like 2 days (approximately) to take out the braid extensions! Ughh. When I was done I looked at myself and was a little worried about things because I was used to the braids and how much everyone liked it. But as you know I want to try out those Aveda products and let my hair have some spotlight for a while... so I was just going to deal with it.

Usually, even after I went natural, I had really high self-esteem and confidence in myself. I knew I wasn't the BEST LOOKING GIRL IN THE UNIVERSE, but I was alright with me and I knew I had things a lot of girls would love to have and I took pride in it. But I was also humble about it too. So you know.... I never had a constant need to re-assure myself that I was pretty. Unless I went out with friends, but even then I realized it was because I didn't stress slutty enough to get noticed. Haha.... uhh yeah.

So anyways.I'm with my boyfriend and he calls me cute and the dreaded "hot" and "sexy" all the time... so I went ahead and asked if he'd still think so if we weren't together and he didn't know me as a person already. Now before I progress any further I WILL say that one of the things I love the most about my boyfriend is his honesty. However, the truth DOES hurt ... so I was just saddened by the truth...

So as you can imagine he said:

JV: No, I would think you were cute. But if you had your hair straightened I would wanna fuck you.

So yeah... I got pissed off for sure. Cause as much as I love him, I want to ask these questions to make sure I have someone who doesn't need to focus on how "great" I look cause of my hair. I mean, he always says he doesn't care.. but then he talks about some girl's straight hair or some shit...and how "Guys always think straight hair is hot" .. which isn't always true, but whatever.I don't know. Its just a self-esteem decliner for me. I am peeking on the best times of a persons life... and I am in a serious relationship while all my friends are single... so I want to make sure I am not wasting my time. I don't want to come home one day from NOT PARTYING ( like I couldn't have been doing today! My friends at the moment are at some sick Condo Rooftop Party.. -sigh- ) to find out he has cheated on me with some straight-haired broad because she had long flowing hair that he could sweep around and tug or whatever the fuck guys wanna do with that shit. Fuck man.

I don't know, I guess I am just going through some issues. This is how I am without a job and money I guess. Hhaha.T__T

I dunno. I'm really pissed. I know he loves me regardless, but its just about... my life and how I am wasting my time here on earth. I cried soon afterwards... cause I thuoght of how other guys I were with treated my natural hair as a beautiful thing and never talked about my hair straight or anything. They just really want to see it grow. Haha, like they would really ask me to let it grow. Sometimes I think its cause they're black so they know more about what goes on than a white guy. My ex was happy I stopped perming my hair and altering it. My other guy friend had cornrows so we both related with hair and talked about hair together.

Its not like NATURAL HAIR IS MY LIFE. It's just that...if there is something / someone better for me out there I rather meet them and be on an everlasting conquest than stay with someone who can't fully think even with my fro that I am sexy.