Soccer makes my head hurt

PORTLAND, Ore. - U.S. Soccer announced today that the Portland Timbers will face Hollywood United of the U.S. Adult Soccer Association (USASA) in the first round of the 2008 Lamar Hunt U.S. Open Cup on June 10 at PGE Park. Kickoff is scheduled for 7 p.m.

The U.S. Adult Soccer Association?

Are the Timbers playing an over-40 team?

What the hell?

All 32 lower-division clubs in the tournament from the USASA, USL Premier Development League, USL Second Division and USL First Division were paired according to a blind draw.

Eight Major League Soccer teams will enter the tournament in the third round and will be paired based upon geographical consideration. The 16 first-round winners face off in the second round slated for June 26. The winner of the tournament will earn a berth into the CONCACAF 2009-10 Champions League.

The Timbers are 3-4-0 in U.S. Open Cup play and have reached as far as the fourth round of the tournament, facing MLS teams in both 2004 and 2005. Last season, the Timbers defeated the Bakersfield Brigade of the PDL in the first round before suffering a second-round loss to the Seattle Sounders.

Hollywood United qualified for the 2008 U.S. Open Cup with victories over the Santa Cruz Breakers, San Diego United and Banat Arsenal to earn the first of two tournament berths from the USASA's Region IV. Hollywood United recently won the 2008 Galaxy Classico hosted by Major League Soccer's Los Angeles Galaxy. Started by Australian actor Anthony Lapaglia, Hollywood United is known for its charity events and often features celebrities and former professional players on its teams. On Nov. 4, 2007, Hollywood United faced the Galaxy in a fundraiser match for the victims of the Southern California wildfires.

There are, like, three different leagues involved in this? And this is different from the Timbers regular league? There are other random tournaments going on too, right?

With that many governing bodies, at some point, someone must end up fighting Wladimir Klitschko.