Saturday, October 31, 2009

This week I was approached by someone with a “friend of a friend” type scenario, who needed advise. After giving as much advice as I could at the time, I decided I needed to address that issue with more people than just them. Because it is a problem many people I know have dealt with, or are dealing with. Self esteem. And the self esteem of others.

So to start off with I would like to say, be proud! Sounds like a simple enough thing to do but, I have encountered many teens and adults who have found a lot of trouble with just being proud of them self. Being proud of the way they are, look and feel, of their opinions, thoughts, and beliefs. And it is sad to me that people feel like they are not good enough to be proud of who they are. Some are even so down on themselves that they feel they do not deserve things, and are not good enough for things. But believe me, they (or you) are very wrong about that.So stop your foolish thinking, stop the self doubt and don’t be ashamed of yourself or down on yourself anymore. Don’t think well I’m not like that, or well I’m not as good as, or I will never be able to, or anything like that. Just think I am, I have, I will. Think more to the good you are rather than just focusing on the negative. Because we all have negative stuff about us, but we all, in our own ways, have very special good stuff about us too. So focus on the good in you, not the bad that people tell you, or bad things around you, or a bad past. Just focus on what you are and be proud to show who you truly are.

Now weather you needed to hear that above, or even if you didn’t, and you have the highest self esteem of all (high self esteem not over confidence, please note the difference, one is good, one not so much) I highly encourage you to read this next part; others esteem.

If you have had a low self esteem, or if you have ever been humiliated or even just embarrassed, than you are probably more sensitive to those around you and how they feel. But then again, you might not be. Either way I need you all to take others esteem into your thoughts. I need you to stop the teasing, jokes, gossip and pranks anything that you feel would hurt another. Because it more than likely will, or already has.

It all goes back to what you probably heard a million times growing up. “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all” and also “don’t do it, if you wouldn’t like it done back to you”. Well those are exactly right. You have no idea how others feel, what they are thinking, or how their esteem is. So why take the chance or ruining them when you most certainly wouldn’t want them to ruin you. So, put yourself in their shoes; think about how you would feel. And I’m not just meaning (just for simple example) “would I like them making fun of my clothes? Hmm well I have nice clothes so now I wouldn’t mind” I’m meaning “would I like them making fun of my clothes? Well I don’t like those clothes but maybe it wouldn’t be my choice to wear them, maybe I had no other option. So no I wouldn’t like it. So no I won’t say anything about it”.

And if maybe you don’t even see than why they would not like what you say or are doing. Than basically, why waste your time ruining theirs? It makes no since at all, so why do it?

Why not just be proud of yourself, stop the dumb non since, and just let them be proud of themselves to?

Monday, October 26, 2009

When you were little you probably wanted to do something special when you “got big.” You might have been so happy, proud and certain of what you wanted to be, just like these little ones.

(Only giving initials and ages)A P, 8, wants to be a baby nurse and she is most certain that it is what she wants to be, however; A P says she is only “sorta excited” about it, maybe that is because people have already downed on her dreams.

M H, 9, wants to be a dance instructor and singer, I asked M H, “If something bad happened to you and it made dancing and singing very difficult for you, would you give up on being a dancer and singer?” M H answered saying she would “never give up her dream.”

N N, 8, wants to be a vet, K S, 8, wants to be a teacher, V J, 13, a dental hygienist, T B, 14 wants to be on Broadway, and they all said the same thing, that they would never give up on their dream.

These young children are probably the same way you were when you were younger. You had dreams. Dreams you were so certain would be fulfilled. Things you were so sure you would of done by now. Well, their dreams will probably fail, their certainty will probably fade away, just like yours did.

Why though? Why did things change? Well lots of times, people just change, they come up with new wants, plans, desires and needs. So, their ideas of what job they wanted or what they wanted to be, also changed. And situations like that are, of course, typical and understandable. There is absolutely nothing wrong with changing what you want to be a million times, before you finally make the choice you absolutely want (probably don’t change a million times if your already in college or something like that, but you get what I mean, I hope).

But, what about the other times people’s dreams change? What about when friends, parents or society, try to talk “reality” with them? What about when people trash those dreams? Well, things like this happen a lot and it’s sad how it ruins people’s spirits and crushes their dreams. That situation is, I believe, unacceptable. And I want it all to stop, so I want you to forget about reality. I want you to be who you are and dream the dream you have. Or make a dream, realistic or not. Weather you complete the dream or not, is not the problem, its weather you even dreamed at all, or had things in your life to aspire to that matters. So please, don’t let the world down on your dreams any more than they already have, just believe in yourself and figure out your true dreams for your life, and then, never let go of those dreams.

Now,maybe you did have dreams, maybe they were wonderful dreams, but hurt or pain in your life stopped you from living the dream you wanted. Well, these times are excitable, because it is the persons soul choice, but it is heartbreaking. I think that although you have been hurt, although you have been broken, you still have the right, and somewhere down inside you, you have the desire, to dream like a child again.

I gave up on certain dreams in my life a long time ago, because of pain, hurt, and heartache. But I realized, no matter how bad things get, believing in a dream for my life, believing things would get better, trusting that they would, was a dream I needed to have. And that is why, no matter what, we all need to dream.

So ask yourself, why not dream big for my life? Why not thrive for that job or life style I want?

I believe you need to go for it, I say dream your dream and live your life to the fullest that your dreams can take you. Get past peoples “realities”, get past your own doubts, get past how most people have given up on their dreams, or how you did at one point too, get past other peoples actions. Just, get past it all and think for a little while, what do I want when I grow up?

Here are some people who don’t have the same dreams they did when they were younger, and some weren’t even having dreams to live for, or look forward to now. So when I asked them “what do you want to be when you grow up?” some had to think of things, make new dreams, or just remember old ones.

K Y, 46, wants to be at full peace and have no regrets.K D, 39, wants to be stronger and more secure.R W, 38, wants to be a personal trainer.L M, 47, wants to have a day off.J E, 37, wants to be fully successful in raising her kids.S W, 67, wants to learn to play the piano.L B, 41, wants to simply make sure her two daughters find good men.G S, 46, wants to travel.C K, 38, wants to go to nursing school.A S, 38, wants to be healthier and lose weight.

And last but not least, M L, 65, who says “I am living my dream”, being retired.

So finally, I don’t care if you are a teen, adult, or if you’re even only young at heart. I believe you need to forget what others have said and just open your eyes and see that you deserve the happiness of being able to dream, and even, fulfill those dreams.

Monday, October 12, 2009

In order to solve certain problems and troubles in your life you will have to help yourself by figuring out your true self.

Finding your “true self” can sound a lot like some Dr who says Miss who some self help crap. But believe me it is a crucial part of, preventing your own personal problems, solving already made problems, healing from the struggles of those problems.

While reading this I ask you to be open to what your reading rather than thinking you have it all already figured out or thinking certain reasoning is unorthodox. Also remember this is not a graded thing. It’s nothing like, if you still have problems or don’t heal from struggles fast enough then you fail. This is to simply to help you if you let it help you. I know in my life that is something I have and always will have to work on, thinking I’m always being graded or need to be better than its possible for me to be. And when I’m not as good as I feel I should be I am very down on myself. And that almost makes it harder to hear others ideas sometimes. I encourage you all, if you are anything like me in that since to drop that bad habit, believe me it will get you nowhere in life, just down on the inside and a fake happy face on the outside.

PREVENTING PROBLEMS

In order to prevent problems in your life you must find strength to know and admit what your weaknesses are. Then not put yourself in a bad situation where your weaknesses could get you into trouble.

So for example, if you know you don’t want to eat junk food but potato chips are one of your weaknesses. Then admit “oh darn, if I see those chips I’m gonna want them” and then try to prevent the situation. By not walking down the chip aisle, with five extra bucks in your pocket and a stomach that’s howling to get your attention. I think you get what I mean.

Now in order to find your personal weaknesses you will need to find a process that best works for you. Everyone is different and therefore; we each have a personal process we will need because of personal struggles and of course personal unique strengths.

I will try to give the best guide lines I can to finding a process to help you find your weaknesses and try to prevent them from turning into problems.

THE GUIDE LINES

The first guide line I believe, for a right process is to look in your past a little. Take a look at times in your life you have already been in problems, had struggles or straight out in trouble. You can either take a look at the few most recent situations, or the biggest ones anything you choose. Now what did you do wrong in those situations? Yes you, just you, no excuses, or passing the blame, or reasoning any of those problems. Take a little time to reflect on those things, either write them down if that will help you, speak out loud about them, or just pounder them awhile whatever you feel will help you think about those things best. Please take time to do that now…No really, do that now.

I hope that looking back on past problems was able to really help you reflect on what the cause was for your problems and how you could have tried to prevent it. By doing that it should help your process of figuring out your true weaknesses. Now that hopefully you have found certain things that may be your weaknesses I encourage you strongly to talk to someone about it, write down exactly what you feel your weaknesses in life, or weaknesses to certain temptations may be. Then find someone you truly trust who will be honest with you and read it to them, a parent, sibling, pastor, teacher, mentor, great friend, you choose. Then after you have read it, ask them if they agree that those struggles are your weaknesses. Maybe even ask for some constructive criticism on your weaknesses. After you have done all that take some time before going on to the next section to just observe your life when you confront a problem, get in trouble, find trouble, or when it finds you, or when you avoid trouble all together.

SOLVING PROBLEMS

Now that you have figured out some weakness you have which should help you to stay out of some trouble, please know that, that doesn’t mean you will not get into trouble or haven’t again already, I mean we are all human. So in this section we will be trying to work on solving problems. Solving problems you have already gone through, are going through, or even just so you know for when trouble find you in the future.

The start on solving problems either small (got in a fight with your mom and your grounded from your computer for a week) or big (which could be a number very hard to deal with things) is to forget about other. Not ignore them and be rude but forget that the people who really don’t care or matter will judge you. Forget that they may talk about you behind your back, spread rumors about you, not like you anymore, just forget about it and them all together for a little bit.

Now think about the people who do matter. Think about the people who were affected or hurt by your actions, your actions from ages ago, last month, this morning, any scenario that you have on your mind probably the same ones you looked at to find your weaknesses before). Depending on who was hurt, and when the problems took place will be your deciding factors on the next step to solving your problems you have before you.

This step might be a difficult one but it is very needed. You must seek forgiveness from those that have been hurt by you. You cannot solve the problems before you and get the trust and love back from those who really matter if you are not willing to ask for forgiveness and learn from your mistakes. Just say you’re sorry simple as that. Or go all out and explain how you are seeking their forgiveness to try and solve these problems that you caused and that now you see your weaknesses and faults in those situations.

After you have sought the forgiveness of others you need to do another very hard part of solving the problems, forgive yourself. This ties right into the healing process but it is still part of just solving the problems. Take some time to think and forgive yourself for the things you have done and learn to not wallow in the problems of the past. If you do not see your fault in any situation and therefore find no need to forgive yourself and you only asked for others forgiveness to make them happy then, well, talk to someone who thought you did do wrong and hear out their perspective.

Once you have forgiven yourself than you have actually already started the healing process but you must also heal from the consequences of your actions.

HEALING FROM PROBLEMS

Healing your heart from actions and problems would be so much easier if we could just say sorry, get forgiven, forgive our self, and have everything go back to normal. Unfortunately that doesn’t always happen. There are still consequences, some even life long, that you will have to deal with. But even dealing with those things you must remember that if you have followed all these problem steps than you have already been forgiven and forgiven yourself. So even if things get hard (which chances are they will). You must just try to get through it all, keep your head up, keep your heart healing and healed and not get mad at yourself, or think everyone else it.

Everyone heals from problems and struggles differently but the basics to healing is to remember no matter if it’s a grounding or people looking at you different or even people hating you, that not everything lasts forever and that you will not be haunted by your actions life long. You, and everyone else, will be able to move on from any problem that happened. Now that does not mean it will seem easy and that others will let your actions go as fast as you would want them to, but remember your healing and learning from problems is much more important than the way others judge you or see you.A part of healing is simply making sure you don’t get into trouble again. So remember your weaknesses and remember how you feel you can prevent them. Also, do not forget about solving the problems that are before you and constantly remember that you have now been forgiven, so do not dwell on the past problems. Learn from them, find your weaknesses through them, and move on.