Intent

August 17, 2009

Over the past few months, things in my life have been better than ever. New home, new friends, and wonderful career. Yet I found myself uncharacteristically asking, "Self, why am I feeling so frustrated? Why am I getting upset at the smallest of situations?"
I did a little digging (soul searching, if you will) and realized that as wonderful as things were going at the moment, like most of us, I had some unfinished business out there.
There were a handful of people and negative relationships that were still on my mind and wanted to do something about it.

What I came up with was the realization that out of all the people or things I was angry with, none of them (did I believe) truly meant to cause me harm. In other words, they had no intent for malice; it was only the interpretation of the event or situation that caused me anger and pain.

Think about this for a second. How many times have you gotten into arguments over the silliest of things, only to later realize how foolish you were being and to acknowledge that you'd simply gotten caught up in the moment?

After pondering this question for a bit, I decided to do something I should have done long ago. I thought about the few relationships in my life that were less than perfect or had ended on a sour note. I then committed myself to research what had caused the upheaval and to do my best to rectify the relationships that lacked a harmful intent.

I asked myself whether my ex-wife had really intended to slander me with the things she said, or whether she'd been speaking through her frustration and uncertainty of losing a relationship that she had shared for over half her lifetime. Had my father intended to discard our relationship, or was he simply avoiding me to save himself from having to deal with his own ex-wife who may have said some terrible things to him as well?

Get the picture?

Now, as personal as this is, I share it with you this month because what happened next was truly amazing. By taking action toward repairing the past and eliminating the negative feelings I was carrying, I rekindled some of the best relationships I'd ever known.

Look, I'm not asking you to play God and pretend to know what people think. However, you can use common sense and make an educated guess. For example, if someone borrows your car and crashes it, ask yourself whether they meant to do it. More than likely, they didn't, so why end a relationship over it? However, if someone takes a bat to your car and smashes it to pieces, you're probably safe in assuming they had a negative intent.

Now let me ask you, do you have any relationships that may have been severed from an accident or misunderstanding? In retrospect, do you think the person truly intended to destroy, upset, or provoke you? Was a bat involved, or just angry words and misguided thoughts? If you can't find evidence of a harmful intent, pick up the phone, say hello, and let go of your resentment.