For the past two weeks Mason (and hopefully a wider subscriber base) readers of the Mason County News have been reading about St. Joseph’s Catholic Church’s Springfest, this Sunday, April 29th. We’ve told you all about how a $10 donation gets you half a barbequed chicken, potato salad, pinto beans, pickles/onions/bread, iced tea, and a home-baked dessert. Just in case you’ve forgotten, serving begins at 11 AM until 1 PM, or until sold out. Additionally, a bake sale will be held in conjunction with the dinner. And lastly, if by some miracle we have leftovers, you can purchase half-chickens for $5 or whole ones for $10 after 1 PM. We have also mentioned, in passing, that the dinners will be served eat-in or take-out. However, there has be neglect of a subject that bears writing at length about, which is the “take-out” aspect of “eat-in or take-out.”

I could say that the parishioners of St. Joseph’s have done time-motion and efficiency studies, and have the “take-out” refined to poetry in motion. And this would be true (except for the studies part). I could also say that after much hit-or-miss experimentation with ways of running the chicken dinner take-out line, it is now running like a well-oiled machine. And this might even be closer to the truth. However, in the interest of 100% journalistic accuracy, I believe, and would be willing to swear to it in a court of law, that the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth is that if you want your chicken dinner served to you, at warp-factor 8 speed, WITHOUT HAVING TO LEAVE YOUR CAR, St. Joseph’s Catholic Church has got it going on this Sunday. They have chicken dinners prepared. They have order-takers at hand. They are ready with exact change. The pickles/onions/bread is wrapped. The iced tea is poured. The baked goods are sliced and portioned out. They have a speedy line marked out in the parking lot, and at 11 AM sharp this Sunday, April 29th, they will be filling your orders, large or small, with a speed that will make Blonde Dino, Catunda Harry, and Brett Lee look like they are standing in the dirt, scratching their heads, and saying, “What IS for lunch, anyway?” Just to relieve the suspense, Blonde Dino, Catunda Harry, and Brett Lee are world-record-holding racing greyhounds, who raced at speeds of 39.75 miles an hour. So come to St. Joseph’s this Sunday, even if you’re in a hurry! Who says fast food can’t be delicious?

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