A modest proposal to reduce national debt

Bruce BensonColumnist

Published: Saturday, July 6, 2013 at 4:30 a.m.

Last Modified: Friday, July 5, 2013 at 10:35 a.m.

In 1729 the Irish writer Johnathan Swift wrote a satirical essay titled "A Modest Proposal for Preventing the Children of Poor People From Being a Burden to Their Parents or Country, and for Making Them Beneficial to the Publick."

In this essay, now referred to universally as simply, "A Modest Proposal," Swift suggests the poor Irish can ease their burdens by selling their children to be consumed by the rich.

"A young healthy child well nursed, is, at a year old, a most delicious nourishing and wholesome food, whether stewed, roasted, baked or boiled; and I make no doubt that it will equally serve in a fricassee, or a ragout."

Swift wasn't really promoting the killing and eating of children — he was just trying to get a point across about the plight of the poor, and the vast chasm between their lives and the lives of the rich. Not everybody caught the satire, and some people were quite upset.

In that vein of satire, I would like to make my own modest proposal.

Months ago I did a column on universal health care, (which led to my first public accosting when a reader of the Times-News approached me at a beer fest behind Hannah Flanagan's and said, with no provocation, "If you don't like it here, you can just go back to where you came from." But I digress.)

I wanted to get the opinions of some of the religious leaders of Hendersonville for my column on health care, so I wandered into the Mud Creek Baptist Church. The door was open, so I went inside to talk to the boss of the place. It took me what felt like two minutes to find somebody, and I was walking the whole time. The place is HUGE. I absently wondered what it cost to build, and what it was worth. But I was on a different mission, so that thought retreated. Weeks later it returned, and I went to see Nick Mazzarella, the Real Property Supervisor for Henderson County.

"What is the total assessed value of the churches in Henderson County?" I asked him.

"Geez, I don't know," he said. The question had never been asked, at least not of him, and he said he would get me the data but it would take some time. A few days later, he called and said he had the information.

"We had to write a new program to get it all together," he told me as he handed me some 30 sheets of paper.

From this information, I was able to glean that the total assessed value of church-owned property in Henderson County is roughly $268 million. Of this figure, $250 million of assessed property is exempt from paying taxes.

"If the church rents out property, or makes a profit from that property, that property is not exempt from taxation," Nick explained.

Wow! More than a quarter of a billion dollars of church property in Henderson County alone. How much is there in all of North Carolina? The country? It must be in the gazillions, I thought.

So here is my proposal: A Modest Proposal for Paying off the National Debt and Housing the Nation's Homeless by Nationalizing and Selling Church Properties, or Converting Said Properties into Housing for the Homeless ... Making them Beneficial to the Publick.

If the government would just take these properties away from the churches and sell as many as they need to pay off the national debt, and then convert the remainder into homes for the homeless, two huge burdens on society would disappear. Think of the benefits.

The God-fearing people of Henderson County would be able to sleep in on Sunday and not feel guilty about it. How can they go to church if there isn't one anymore? And no collection plate would be passing by them — there would be no tithing.

If you think about it, once sold, these properties would be subject to taxation. Why, the lost tax revenue in Henderson County amounts to more that $10 million per year. That $10 million could go a long way, especially if the county didn't have to spend any money on the homeless.

Not only that — the federal government would probably be giving away huge sums of money, left, right and center, since they would have no crippling debt to service. The largesse of the nation would be mind-boggling. This country truly would become the land of milk and honey.

Of course, people may still want to gather together to worship, and they can, in each other's homes. The setting in someone's home is much more intimate than in a church, and this would lead to a greater connection between the peoples of this great nation. Peace would reign.

In fact, by demanding their churches and church properties be taken over by the government, the religious leaders would be accomplishing exactly what they set out to do, they just wouldn't own any property anymore.

But what was it Jesus said?

"It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than a rich man to get into heaven."

They would also be ensuring their own salvation. Talk about your win-win.

Bruce Benson is a Canadian writer and journalist who makes Hendersonville his home. Reach him at bensonusa@ hotmail.com.

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