My Journey as a newly submissive wife

Tag: Submissive

Yes!! Thank God It’s Friday!!! I’m glad I can say that and it actually be Friday. With my last job my “Fridays” were normally during the week, like Tuesday or Wednesday. Not anymore now I have Monday-Friday 8-4 gig. But any who, Today was my first day back since my 3 week hospital stay. I was sluggish, yeah. And it took me a while to get myself together. I had over 700 emails I had to check. Plus I had to leave in the middle of the day to get my Benlysta Infusion. I was hoping that my infusion would help me feel a little better. But it didn’t. I still felt tired and heavy, and my voice sounded awful because of the cough I’ve had for the last 3 months that I can’t get to go away. Doctors said it’s because of my lung disease and I probably will always have it. Ugh! It reminds me of my father. He had a terrible smokers cough and when I was little and had dance recitals on video tape you could always hear him coughing and it was a little embarrassing. Although no one knew who it was coughing it was dark in the audience but in my little mind everyone know it was my dad. Anyway, so now I have a cough that annoys the crap out of me.

We have no big plans for this weekend. Normally when I get my infusions the next few days are required rest because I’m so tired. Sunday I plan on having Capone out training all day. First we are going to go to Rally @11, then Schutzund Training @2. So Saturday I will be resting all day, which is good I hear it’s supposed to rain all day anyway.

Things are slowly getting back to normal with me and Sir. We went to dinner tonight and grocery shopping together. We are talking to each other more. I think a start over was something we really needed. We plan to dig a little more deeper into our roles and find out what works for us and what doesn’t work for us. We will revisit our contract and my rules and make them a little more conducive to our life. When we first made them I wasn’t working and now that I am we need to take that into account. So look for an updated rules section soon.

I plan on discussing certain topics again on the blog soon, once life falls back into a comfortable place. Right now I’m still trying to get caught up with work, dog shows, and normal life. Hope all of you are doing well!

So two weeks ago me and Sir went to an event titled “Beat My Valentine”, it was a lovely event filled with classes during the day and dungeon parties at night. We knew another couple that was going. So we were very excited to go.

We got there Friday night, because we were told there was a social gathering “vanilla”, in the bar scene of the hotel. So we attended. It was a fun night..of what I can remember. So apparently the bartender were making the drinks very strong. Sir had 3 Long Island Iced Teas and decided after the third one he had had enough and he went back to the room. He allowed me to stay and chat with the other submissives. I met a submissive that has lupus as well and we talked about the struggle. Then after that….I don’t remember a lot. LOL. I think I had one too many. So I had to be escorted back to my room by a submissive that I knew. When we got back to the room, Sir had apparently thrown up EVERYWHERE! He was still awake and feeling bad. The submissive that took me back to my room is also a nurse. She gave us both Zofran and put us to bed. I am telling you this through a third party telling me about it the next day. I found some selfies on my phone of people that I don’t even remember talking to. Definitely over did it on the drink situation for both of us..LOL

So we were supposed to go to classes all day Saturday. Well we didn’t wake up until noon. So we went to go get something to eat. Sir wasn’t feeling his best, I was ok, I just didn’t remember what happened after Sir had gone up to the room. So we skipped classes and went to the dungeon party that night. It was nice. There were vendors there. This one called “Steel Bones” they make corsets, which is an addiction of mine. But they were really priced high..$180 per corset so I will have to be saving up to get one. They definitely felt good when I tried them on. Sir liked them too. We went into the Dungeon space where we witnessed a submissive in a scene being beat with a rubber fish…interesting….Other scenes were the same ones we’d seen before a lot of rope play. By 11:00PM we were tired so we went back up to the room.

Sir did not play with me as he was not feeling like himself. Overall our first big BDSM Event went nicely. We slowly introduced ourselves into it. It was nice to hang out with so many people who are interested in the same thing. It was also nice to get away from the doggies for a minute too.

LOL! So..again I haven’t dropped off the face of the planet. I’ve just been busy with a lot of things..Dogs, D/s events, and getting ready for a new job mainly. But I will talk more about them in detail, in another post.

So apparently March is Q&A month for us bloggers. So in the true spirit of things I am going to participate. I rarely hide anything, except my real name. SOOOO Fire away…you can email me at mrselliemae84@gmail.com.

Ok, so a couple of posts ago I sounded very concerned about my submission. In the time that I have written it a lot has happened mentally to me. I’ve had some friends I’ve talked to and then awesome blogger Kayla Lords wrote a post about submissives being too hard on themselves.

It all got me thinking. One, I am making unrealistic goals for myself as a submissive. Two, if Sir is unhappy with any way that I serve him, I’m sure he will let me know. and Three, there are no such things as the “Perfect submissive”. I’m never going to be perfect so I just need to accept that. I am a human, I make mistakes. Hopefully I will learn from those mistakes. As long as I am wholeheartedly giving myself to Sir, when I am able to, that’s all that matters.

We have to work together as a team to make D/s work for us. We have special circumstances, I have a disease that sometimes renders me unable to serve. I have talked to Sir and we are going to get together a protocol for when I am unable to do my normal protocols so that I still feel like I am being submissive. I feel a whole lot better than I did the other day when I wrote that post. I am very optimistic and think that we still have a lot of D/s ahead of us.

Thanks to all the people I talked to about this situation! You have helped me so much!

Ok, so I have a question for you fellow s-types out there. Is anyone offended by the use of the word “subbies”? I know this is probably a silly question but I joined a group on Facebook (yeah, I know that was my first mistake, LOL) and in my introduction thread I addressed everyone as “Hello fellow subbies…” I got warm responses from most but one of the groups admins was like “Please refuse (yeah, i think the right word would have been ‘refrain’) from using the word subbies in this group”. I innocently posted back “Well, I apologize if I offended anyone, I’ve never heard of a sub being offended by the use of the word subbies…”…her reply “No problem and yes it does offend”…..

So, I just thought I’d ask if anyone else gets offended by that. She’s the first person who’s said they were offended. No one else in the group said anything about being offended. Even the other admin was taken by surprise by the other girls comment. It was just weird. I don’t know. I don’t see anything wrong with using the word subbies. But I do still consider myself new and still learning about the life but haven’t ran into one person who is offended by that.

So now for a serious post. I am feeling like I’m not being as good of a submissive as I could be. I have been thinking about it. I haven’t been offering myself to Sir like I should be. I should offer myself to him every day. In the beginning I did the morning send off religiously. Now I’ve gotten laxed and only do it when Sir asks for it. He shouldn’t have to ask for it. It should be automatic. I just had this realization. Part of the reason I’ve become laxed is my health hasn’t been the best in the past couple of weeks. The closer I get to time for my Infusion the more breakthrough pain or fatigue I get and I had my infusion Friday so I should be feeling better. But that is only half of the story.

I still feel a little amateur-ish in the area of sucking cock. Sir thinks I do great, and I guess that’s all that matters really. but I read a lot of other people’s blogs and it seems like they suck their master’s cock all the time. I don’t really and I think it’s my fault. I don’t offer to suck his cock. I’m sure he’d like it if I did it more. I guess I need to get my little submissive ass in gear. I mean really the other day he to ask for it and I felt so bad. 1. He shouldn’t be ASKING for it, he should be demanding if anything. But he shouldn’t even have to be doing that.

I always thought that I was terrible at sucking cock and I guess I’ve let that fear take over myself. I’m guessing the more I do it the more comfortable I will be. But again it’s not about wither or not I feel comfortable, its about pleasing my Sir. But how am I supposed to do that when I feel like I’m not good at something? Even though Sir says it’s great, I feel like its not up to par. That I could be better. I guess every submissive should have a goal or something they want to improve on. I don’t know exactly what I do wrong when I’m doing it but I feel like something could be better. It might be the perfectionist in me, I don’t know.

Sir has been very lenient on me the past few weeks because of my health. But in a couple days I will be back to my normal self and I look forward to being a better submissive for my Sir. I hate it when my health gets in the way of my submission. Once you get into a rhythm of something and things are routine then Lupus comes and screws it all up. What do you do as a submissive when you feel like you aren’t enough or that you are broken???? Would love to get some feedback from any fellow submissives who read this blog.

I know I said the next post would be about the Play Party went to Saturday night, but I had another topic that I wanted to discuss. Kneeling. Pretty important right?

Ok, so the past 3 weeks I have either been in the Emergency Room or extremely sick with my Lupus. My body has really been against me. Sir has been super patient and nice taking care of me. He’s suspended pretty much all protocols until I get better. Obviously the ones that aren’t physical like calling him Sir or text messing him when I wake up in the morning were still in play. I had planned on Kneeling for Sir and officially giving him my submission, 3 weeks ago. But because of being sick I haven’t been able to do it. So finally I am healthy enough to do it officially. I am going to do it today when he comes home for work. We’ve already talked about it. I know what I am supposed to wear and will be ready when he gets home.

Kneeling is a big deal. At least to me it is being a submissive. It signifies that I am giving total control of my life to him. That I trust him to make the right decisions for me. As a Dominant this is a big responsibility. I am currently doing a kneeling exercise, where I kneel for 10 minutes a day, just to think and concentrate on my submission to Sir and think how I can improve my submission to him.

Me and Sir talked last tonight and he thinks I am ready for a collar. We looked at some collars and we have agreed on a collar of protection- one that I will wear to BDSM functions such as Munches, Play Parties, Sloshes, etc. So no other Dom’s approach me thinking I am an available submissive. We also agreed on a traditional collar that will be worn inside the house and is discreet enough to be worn outside the house as well. We will purchase the collars on Thursday. So I guess this week and next week we have some pretty big events happening in our D/s life.

So on this website that I’ve been talking a lot about lately subMRS.com, the subs have a book club. We are reading the Brie series of books. I am a little behind because of when I became a member of the site but these books are awesome. You can get them from itunes or amazon. The first book is “Brie Learns the art of submission”, it is very helpful in learning the art of Submission. Basically Brie goes through “Submissive School” to learn how to be a a submissive. I find that this book has been extremely helpful. I am on the second book series “Brie Embraces the Heart of Submission: After Graduation”, which is awesome because its about Brie learning how to apply what she’s learned in submissive school into real life D/s relationship. Again I am fully recommending these series…HBO needs to make this into a show, LOL.

OK so patience is not one of my strong suits. And since we have entered a D/s relationship I am noticing this more and more that I need to work on it. I forget that I’ve been doing research on being a submissive far longer than Sir has been researching on becoming a Dominant. I understand that its going to take time. However there is that little bratty girl who wants it now now NOW! Sometimes that half of my brain tells me that he might not want this as much as I do. But then the other side of my brain quickly says…”but he’s working full time and most days he’s putting in over time. He comes home and on some days has to mow the grass and tend to the yard, he goes to the gym to workout (which is why he’s NEVER stressed about anything), etc” so maybe I should give him some slack for not being glued to his computer researching and trying to figure out what he wants as a Dominant and relaying that to me. It will happen in his own time and I just have to allow it to. I have to be..what’s that word..Patient. Although going through this it kind of is helping me gain control over my impatience.

I plan on doing a Kneeling Challenge, that was presented on the subMRS.com website. I will take time everyday and kneel for myself and think about how I can become a better submissive. If I am working on myself I won’t be so consumed with why we aren’t moving fast enough (in my eyes). I was supposed to do this the last two weeks but it has been pretty chaotic. I will find some place to kneel and try to do it for 10 minutes a day. I hear that you get a lot of clarity from doing this. I hope it will help me become less stressed about my current D/s situation. And before you go thinking something, yes Sir reads this and yes I have talked to Sir about my issues with patience and this subject.

I am sitting now doing a Gastric something study at the hospital, where I swallow eggs and they take pictures to see how long it takes them to leave my stomach. This test takes about 4 hours and they have to take a picture every 30 minutes and in between that I am bored and sitting in the waiting area. After that is done I have another Doctor’s appointment at 12 and then at 1:30 I have my monthly Benlysta Infusion for my Lupus which takes 3-4 hours. I left home this morning at 6:00AM and I won’t be back there until about 5:00PM. Its gonna be a long day.

Hey guys, I know I haven’t written much in the past few days, but I have been addicted to this Submissive/Slave Wives site. Its called http://www.subMRS.com. Its for married D/s couples. There is a companion site for Doms called HusDOM, Sir is a member of that site. But anyway back to the Sub site. It is awesome, they have a chat room where you can talk to other submissives and slaves. There is a blog that you can read and follow from the site creator. You can learn so much. There’s even a book club. Its an amazing site and I am now completely addicted to it. So I had to share! They are very nice and welcoming!