The After The Bar Closes Fun

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So the shed fell down. It had had enough. It should have taken two or three days, but well I’m not so nimble any more. Here’s before and after pics. Now I’ve had enough. At least for a while. Click the pics for bigger images.

So it’s nearly done. It’s at least ready for the weather this afternoon. The rest of the trim and the heavy concrete anchors will have to wait until after the storms pass this weekend.

It’s all hand nailed. (Thanks Pop! – No way I could have driven all those 16p. nails!) I was all set up to deck screw the walls on the ground and then stand them and screw them together. Pop showed up and framed it for me. I deck screwed the T1-11 on and did the trim and cut the shingles and did the staining, and built the doors and stuff. Pop roofed it, too.

The Depot will build them for you, but they use light nails and an air gun, so it’s not as strong as a hand nailed one. This sucker is well built. And pretty.

Now that’s a shed. I have to go lay down for a while. Maybe another week.

Or two. I may actually do some blogging tonight, but I’m not promising.

The girls have been very patient, but I think they’re itchin’ to get yacking again.

I forgot to take pictures of Easter Island Bob before I delivered the first three tikis. (He’s styled like an Easter Island Moai… hence the name.) I’ll take pictures in between the dance this Friday and the party they’ve already got booked for the high school at the end of the year. Apparently, they’re celebrities already.

This one is the latest. I wanted to do a full body type of idol this time. As I carved him, he turned out to be a she. Hey, I just find them and set them free.

The pics don’t really show her headdress very well. It’s black feathers wrapped with braided hemp. I bought the beads and feathers and hemp at Michael’s, then made the skirt and stuff myself.

She wound up (accidently, I swear!) with a very convenient knot. After she was done being carved, I decided I had better put a grass skirt on her.

You’ll note she’s pregnant. It’s hard to tell in the pics. Sorry.

Here’s what’s under the skirt.

Tiki porn. Gotta love it.

On another note, the stuff for the new shed arrives tomorrow. I wasn’t really ready to tackle that project yet physically or financially, but the wind had different ideas. Maybe I should make an idol to the wind god, and he’ll magically fix the shed and I won’t have to build a new one. Anyways, I’ll be glad to get that behind me. Then I plan on laying in bed and crying like a damned school girl for a week or two.

I didn’t sleep much last night. The neck and back were killing me. All I wanted to do today was sleep, but when that kind of thing happens and I give in, I spend weeks trying to readjust my sleep schedule. So I stayed out of bed as much as I could. Every few hours I’d go into the shop and putz with Suloram a little.

I drew him a face, then started carving. Rested a while, came back later, carved a little more here and there, yada yada yada.

At the end of the day, I had him all done but his eyes. Not bad, all things considered.

I was going for a little scarier look with Suloram than I got with Moloram.

I guess I did OK.

There was a small issue with a slipped chisel and a nose. And another slipped chisel and an eyebrow.

Fortunately, both body parts involved were his, not mine. That’s not a given when I’m on meds, y’know. I figured I wasn’t using any machines, I’d only lose a finger or two in the worst case scenario.

Uncle Luis came by today and I showed off Moloram. Uncle Luis has this thing about clowns. Deathly fear of them. It never occurred to me that his phobia might extend to Moai. He laughed and praised the work, but wouldn’t hold him. It dawned on me after he left that it was the clown thing. Too funny.

I’m thinking I’ll go to Michael’s craft shop tomorrow and see if I can find some plastic jewels for Suloram’s eyes. I might hollow out the top of his head a little and add some feathers, too. I guess it depends on whether I can get out of bed and drive.

Suloram has a bit more detail to him. More relief on the teeth, the nose, the eye pads. Better shape to the mouth and eyebrows. I put that big ol’ knot right in the front of his hat thing because I might make that head dress thing with the feathers.

So, I was feeling a little better today. I’ve really been down physically.

James reminded me that the spring dance was coming up, and it’s a Hawaiian theme. Months ago, his chorus teacher (the teacher that puts on the musical every year, btw.) had asked if I could make some Tiki type decorations.

I had pretty much forgotten all about it, but since it’s going to be April 22nd or something, I figured I would play around a bit.

I was wondering what I was going to make them out of. Then it occurred to me that we still had some hunks of the Juniper tree that used to be out front. It was a raggly ass eyesore. When we first started renting this house several years ago, I said if I owned the place, the first thing I would do would be to cut that sucker down.

When I bought the house, that was indeed the first thing I did upon our return from London. It was so ugly, that when we cut it down, all the neighbors came out on their porches and applauded. I shit you not.

Juniper is like cedar, very soft. I figured I could handle it on the lathe. Yeah, it beat the crap out of me. I hurt so fucking bad, I just want to take some painkillers and pass out.

In fact, I think I will.

I don’t know when I’ll get back to regular blogging, but when I’ve felt well enough to do it, I’ve been trying to get some of the things around the house done.

Anyways, I’ve got one Moai done, and a second one under way. I may need a few days to recover before I continue.

I’ve named them Moloram and Suloram. Moloram is the first one, and I finished him before I thought to get some before and during pictures. You get to see Suloram through, though.

The first two pics show Suloram raw, next to Moloram. The third pic is Suloram stripped of bark and limb nubbies.

Then you can see him on the lathe, just a little ways into being rounded out, and the last pic is Suloram after he’s finished on the lathe and sanded. Now he’s ready to be carved.

Janie (the wife, not the alter ego) and I walked around Lowe’s and the Depot for a while today. I’ve got some ideas about the kitchen. I guess I’m feeling construction inspired now. I solved a lot of problems with a kitchen remodel in my head today, and went to check prices and stretch the legs a bit.

The counter top is what’s going to kill me. I had no idea how much they’d gone up in price in the last few years. The solution is to do a little of the kitchen at a time, I think. And the way I have the kitchen laid out on paper, I should be able to do that. I’ll go with the cheaper laminate counter top until it’s done, and then when I get the urge (and the bucks) I’ll replace the counter top all at once and put in a Corian or granite top in one shot.

There’s no drywall behind the paneling in the kitchen, so that means that even though I can work around the existing cabinets as far as layout goes, the cabinets will still have to come out so I can rip down all the paneling and drywall before anything else. Not looking forward to that, for sure.

I’m not physically ready to attack the kitchen yet anyway, I’m just working in my head and planning.

Meanwhile, as much as I despise our kitchen (I’ll remember to take “before” pictures this time), I have to fix the shed first. Crappy metal one and it’s falling down.

That’ll be another overdrive job, because once I start I’ll have to get it done before the next rainfall. Another week in bed afterwards, I’m sure. At least this is sort of our dry season, so the weather isn’t exacerbating my problems too much, and if I can get it done before the rains get more regular, that’ll give me a little more time.

(sigh)

Whattyagonna do? Home ownership has a price, and the price on a bargain of a house is that shit is broken and needs fixing and replacing.

I’m having trouble sitting in this chair still, so blogging won’t be much yet. At least I got the pictures in the last post fixed, and the spam boxes cleaned out.

Which brings me to another bitch, but I’ll let JanieBelle handle that one. Maybe tomorrow.

Sometimes there are things I want to address, but outside the context of UDoJ. I’ve been thinking about setting up a separate blog for that.

Here it is.

First of all, I was going to say that I’m the author of U Dream Of Janie and Kissing Corporal Kate. But the truth is the girls have taken on such a life of their own that I’m really just the secretary that takes dictation.

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