A Relationship with God

What happens when God doesn't answer our prayers?

Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur, the Days of Awe, are the time of year when we talk with God.

Yes, we are supposed to talk with God all year long, but we really feel it on Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur. These are days devoted to prayer. They are days when we struggle to express our thoughts, our hopes, and our fears to the Almighty. These are days when we try to engage the Master of the Universe in conversation.

We hope that the Almighty smiles on us, grants us our requests. But here is a particularly searing question that we must confront at this time of year: What happens when He doesn't? What, if anything, is left of our relationship with God then?

Imagine a woman who prays deeply and sincerely for the success of an operation on her severely ill 6-year-old daughter. The time comes -- and the operation fails. The girl dies under the surgeon's knife. What is a mother to feel after this? What would we feel?

In the swirl of emotions following a tragedy, one feels indescribable anguish -- the terrible, searing pain of overwhelming loss. But sometimes, one feels something else too.

Betrayal.

At first, the feeling might be unidentifiable, hidden underneath layers of sadness and pain. But then, slowly it might emerge. "How could God have done this? We trusted in Him. We prayed with all our might. We placed our every hope in His Hands. And He let this happen..."

How can we expect to love God if one feels betrayed by Him?

And these questions -- spoken or unspoken -- then provoke a completely new swirl of emotions. Fear. Guilt. "Who am I angry at?", we ask ourselves, "God? How can I be angry with God?"... We're not supposed to be angry with God. We're supposed to feel that He's compassionate, loving. One cannot easily "make up" with someone one feels has betrayed him; how, then, can we expect to love God if one feels betrayed by Him?

CHANGE IN PERSPECTIVE

I don't know if there is a single, definitive, way out of this problem. Perhaps the answer differs from person to person. But I think a change in perspective can begin to point in a useful direction:

We can ask a fundamental question: When one prays to God for something -- be it for health, happiness, or even for a new car -- what is it that one hopes to achieve? What does one hope the prayer will accomplish?

On one level, the answer is obvious. One hopes that God will bequeath to him that which he prays for. If one prays for his daughter's recovery from a terrible illness, for example, one obviously hopes that this will somehow help her recover. But there is, I think, a deeper aspect to the meaning and purpose of such a prayer.

Allow me to relate a story a friend of mine tells about one of his early childhood experiences. This is how he relates the event:

"When I was about four years old, I awoke from my nap one day, ventured out of my room, and walked through the house. No one was there. I tentatively called out for my mother, but there was no reply. Slowly, a realization dawned on my little mind: 'It's finally happened. My parents have abandoned me...'

"I raced to the phone on the kitchen wall and dialed the operator. 'That's it,' I told her, between sobs, 'my parents are gone; I'm all alone now.' The operator stayed on the phone with me until, sure enough, my mother did come home. She had slipped out for a few minutes to pick up some milk. It was, however, an experience I shall never forget."

Now, if you will, perform a little mental exercise. Imagine for a moment that you are four years old. Your parents are everything to you. Consider the terror you would feel thinking they have abandoned you, leaving you to somehow manage life on your own. Of course, as an adult, you know that this would never happen. However, as a child, you would not have known this. The threat would have seemed real. How does that terror feel?

Now, proceed further. Imagine you are six years old. Climbing on a chair, you have found your mother's cookie jar on the kitchen counter. It's filled with chocolate-chip cookies. You approach your mother, cookie jar in hand, and ask her for one. Now consider the following two scenarios:

SCENARIO A

Your mother kindly and lovingly looks at you and says: "No, dear, I'm sorry. It's not time for a cookie now; it's too close to dinnertime. As much as I know you'd like to have it, I can't give it to you right now."

SCENARIO B

Your mother has had a very hard day, and is at wit's end when you have approached her. She stares at you a little coldly for a minute. Then she turns and walks away. "I don't care," you hear as her voice trails away, "Your little cookie doesn't matter much to me at all right now. If you want it, take it."

As a 6-year-old, which of the two scenarios would you rather have faced? In the first, you are denied the cookie; but you get the loving attention of your mother. In the second, you get your cookie -- but a gnawing pit swells in your stomach. In some small way, your mother has abandoned you...

Let us continue. Imagine that you are older now. You and your spouse live in a small apartment. Unfortunately, your financial situation is bleak; you cannot afford to buy yourselves even a small, used car. Even routine grocery shopping has become an ordeal. Your husband's employer, however, has hinted he may be in line for a raise -- enough, perhaps, to allow you to afford a vehicle.

So you pray to God with added devotion, and ask for this raise to come through. We, of course, have no way to directly perceive how God accepts our prayers -- but for the sake of argument, let us imagine that you could somehow "hear" His response. Imagine, again, two scenarios:

SCENARIO A

God responds to you: "My child, I want you to know that I am with you. I know the stress you feel due to your financial situation, and I feel your anguish. But for reasons I cannot now reveal to you, it is not within the scheme of things for your husband to receive this raise."

SCENARIO B

God responds to you: "In the past, you have not displayed enough faith for Me to take your concerns seriously right now. I choose not to involve Myself in your plight; I shall allow events to unfold as they would on their own. If your husband's employer decides to give him the raise, then so be it; but I will not be involved."

Again, which would we prefer to hear? The first response firmly but gently denies our request, whereas the second leaves open the possibility that we will indeed get the money. But in the second response, we also feel the hard, cold shock of God abandoning us. If we do get the money, what price will we have paid?

And now, finally, consider a last situation. A man suffering the effects of leukemia is wheeled into the operating room for a last-chance operation to save his life. The doctors give him barely fifty-fifty odds. As he feels the anesthesia begin to take effect, he realizes quite clearly that this may be his last moments of consciousness on Earth. He opens his heart to God and prays that he will survive.

Imagine that in his last fleeting seconds of consciousness, this man would be privileged to hear God's response to him. Consider, again, two scenarios:

SCENARIO A

God responds to him: "My child, I want you to know that I am very close to you now. As you drift into sleep, I shall stay by your side, and I shall not leave you.

"I feel your anguish, and I know how much you want to live. But I must tell you that now is the time I have chosen for you to end your stay on Earth. You cannot understand why. But now, My child, is the time."

SCENARIO B

God responds to him: "You have not made yourself worthy of My becoming intimately involved in your affairs. The doctor who is operating on you is as competent as any; I shall leave your fate in his hands."

In his final waking moments, which response would the man rather hear? Is it not conceivable -- even probable -- that he would prefer God's intimate and loving denial of his request, than God's cold withdrawal from his life? If so -- if this is what we would feel were we in this man's situation -- then we may have discovered something truly profound about our values: An intimate relationship with our Parent in Heaven is something we would trade anything for -- even life itself.

When we truly open our hearts to God, we make God real in our lives.

This, then, says something important about why we pray, and what we get out of the experience.

Yes, it is true that we pray for the cookie, the car, or indeed, for our very lives. But these are only the apparent purposes of our prayers. For when we truly open our hearts to God -- when we genuinely reach out to Him in our times of need -- we make God real in our lives. We build a relationship with Him.

As in any good relationship, feelings tend to reciprocate. Our connection with God is no different. When we reach out to Him, He reaches back to us. Each word of prayer becomes a brick in the edifice of that relationship. And when all is said and done, we value that relationship more than anything.

I think that when we truly understand this, we have given ourselves the tools to deal with the possibility that God may not, in fact, grant us the object of our prayers. For we can realize that the more profound our need, the more deeply we have fashioned a relationship with our Creator by telling Him about it. Thus, whether we receive what we have "asked" for or not, we have certainly not been "betrayed" by God. A refusal can be loving, too. And the relationship we have built by asking has not gone away.

We live in a flesh and blood world, and this is a difficult truth to internalize. Our needs are real to us. We really do want the cookie or the car; our heartfelt desire for the object of our prayer is not simply imagined. However, if we pause for a moment, we can focus on the deeper things, too. Through our heartfelt communication, we have drawn closer to God, and He has drawn closer to us. And as we sense this closeness, we may find that we have not only achieved a deeper appreciation of prayer -- and of these Days of Awe -- but we have also gained newfound strength to deal with whatever response God ultimately bequeaths us.

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About the Author

Rabbi David Fohrman is the founder and CEO at Aleph Beta Academy. He is author of "The Beast that Crouches at the Door," finalist for the 2007 National Jewish Book Award, and "The Queen You Thought You Knew." Rabbi Fohrman seeks to open layers of meaning of Biblical text and to help the reader develop a relationship with the texts that make us who we are. For more of his work, see www.alephbeta.org.

Visitor Comments: 31

(31)
Anonymous,
August 12, 2010 8:10 PM

I survived psychopathic and cold, distant parents and other predatory family members and the reason was a conscience that was undeniably attached to G-d's voice and skills developed early to cope with the unending for 12 years, violence. It did end but leaving scars that are still there. However, I paint and draw abstractions ans they are for me. Some people understand them and others, often showing me that they are not able to understand because they are predators in some way too. Background, training, skill and acumen are mine and will continue to grow and grow with an ever increasing knowledge of G-d's path for me and the conversion (the real blessing that it is) has come from all of it. I must rejoice in surviving but I want to live my life and I am growing every day with more enlightenment by living by the precepts, daily life and adherence to Judaica's wonderful lifestyle. I am truly blessed and I know it. Thank you for this article. It encourages me to be the best that I can be based on my choices for the rest of my life no matter how long that may be.

(30)
Rosina,
June 9, 2009 2:12 PM

Then G-D said not know?

Thank you. For the first time I actually can be satisfied with a "no" Answer from ALMIGHTY GOD. Your words made me see it is HE who knows all things, THE ONE WHO can see around the corner where my vision is limited, thus HE knows what is ultimately good for me. Thank you for helping me to see this
wonderful truth.
Your writing is inspiring!

(29)
Linda,
April 19, 2009 10:07 PM

Prayer

I must say that in my life G-d has always answered my prayers. Sometimes, I thought that he did not, but it was I who did not see or hear his answer. G-d is with you everyday even when you don't understand his answer, you will over time if you are quiet enough to hear him. He never makes mistakes and he always seems to bring a gift out of terrible events. He is with us always and forever. Don't be discouraged, you will know.

(28)
Renata Kovelman,
April 18, 2009 7:25 PM

Thank you all

Thank you all for telling your story, although we may not all have the strength to write our own, I anyways, get strength from your story's.

(27)
Elizabeth,
November 13, 2008 1:11 PM

My son's death

The story that you told is very inspiring for I have lost my son back in March and I am still trying to think why God took him. I did pray for his recovery but he went. I am a person who prays for everything, since I almost lost my life three years ago. Now everything I do I thank God for. But reading your article has made me think that God really need his son back. I am a spiritual person and I try to observe all the holy holidays that is mention in the Bible. Thanks for reading my comment. BLESSING.

(26)
Jordan,
September 23, 2008 10:06 PM

My favorite line is "...the relationship we have built by asking has not gone away". What a beautiful sentiment! I deeply hope that this is true of G-d. I'm at a difficult point in my life, and thus I'm in an emotional state that causes me to be unsure of these things. Nonetheless, I hope it's true.

(25)
James,
November 25, 2007 4:46 AM

You are making me think

(24)
tamar,
September 25, 2007 2:52 PM

God is with us through the valley of the shadow of death

Having had a recent near death experience, I will attest that God was with me all the way. He comforted me and gave me joy in the midst of it.He protected me. The nurse who just happened to appear out in the middle of nowhere to help me called me on the recent one year anniversary and told methat God moved her from what she was doing to be there to help me. She said she felt that the evil one was trying to kill me but that God had protected me. This was the only time she called, to tell me this. I already felt that, but I had been a bit down because of facing surgery as a result of the accident. But, God works in mysterious ways, not the way we would. The surgery is two weeks from today. God has a reason for this. It is hard to accept in my non spiritual mind but a joy when I look through a spiritual perspective. He saved my life and gave me a few more days, each one now I realize is a blessing.

(23)
Sharee Cundall,
September 22, 2007 6:52 PM

This article is awsome, I had never thought of that view point.

(22)
Sarah Rut,
September 21, 2007 5:48 PM

The proper perspective for tefillah

Not only did this article infuse me with the proper mindset to start yom kippur, it also re awoke the feelings toward tefilla that i've been looking for. The very thought of HaShem , chas v'shalom, not taking personal care in my life is frightening. But even more frightening to me was the thought that I could cause, c'v, onto myself. This article allowed me to remember and refocus my attention to the power of tefilla. Thank you very much.

(21)
Lenny Shaw,
September 21, 2007 9:46 AM

Very Well Put By The Rabbi

Having just entered, or should I say try to enter a spiritual world, your words hit home. I've always known there is a GOD but always took it for granted. It's amazing what can happen to your inner spirit when you build a relationship with your higher power. GOD, has many, many names, but the only one that really matters, is the one the individual whomever, he or she is works for that individual. I've started praying only with gratitude for what I have been given, and not what i wish for!!!

(20)
Rabbi Ari Enkin,
September 21, 2007 4:06 AM

A great one!

R' David-

This is a winner. We miss you in the Holy Land!

Ari

(19)
suzanne,
September 20, 2007 11:00 PM

thanks

thank you for this inspiring email i need this as i am going through emotinal difficulties now. thank you again.GOD BLESS YOU..

(18)
Isaac Muzikansky,
September 20, 2007 8:23 PM

Everything is in Hashem's hands.

Rabbi Fohrman,

Absolutely everything is in Hashem's hands, blessed be He. We can only SINCERELY pray and praise Him.My late mother, may her soul rest in peace used to say in Yiddish: "Azoi G-d firt, azoi daf zain". Translation: "How Hashem does it, it should be". No questions asked.

What is your opinion about the following verses from Koheles:4.2 Therefore, I praised the dead who have been long dead more than the living that are yet alive.4.3 Yes, better than them both is who has not yet been, who has not seen the evil work what is done under the sun.

Best wishes for the New 5768 Year!

Sincerely,Isaac Muzikansky

(17)
Sarah Rivka,
September 20, 2007 3:10 PM

WOW, that's so beautiful! :)

The examples given clearly explain the concept and hit home. This reminds me of something I learned: The snake that tempted Adam and Chava was cursed to eat the dust of the earth. But wait a second- Dust is plentiful! How can that be such a terrible curse? The answer is that all that the snake would need was provided in abundance, so it wouldn't have to ask God. This was a terrible curse because God didn't want to be bothered by the snake asking Him for stuff- G-d didn't want a relationship with the snake!

(16)
S.G. Freedman,
September 20, 2007 5:56 AM

This was very inspirational

I am so appreciative to have seen/read this d'var before Yom Kippur. It definitely puts things in perspective.

(15)
a,
September 20, 2007 4:20 AM

Yasher Koach!

Yasher Koach! great article im only 14 and it means so much to me in my life thank you!!

(14)
Catherine Manna,
September 18, 2007 7:17 PM

Waiting on Gods time, not ours.

I think, you can ask God for anything and he will answer your prayers, some take time, maybe a life time, maybe not even in this life time, but the point is, Never give up trying! That is Hope. If you believe, and have faith, even if you dont get exactly want you wanted in this temporary life, then maybe that is a test of faith and, of our patients. Waiting on Gods time not ours. Thank you for the great articles, everyday once a day!

(13)
Anonymous,
September 18, 2007 1:46 PM

Finally! An insight to help me go on and keep davening

L'Chvod Rabbi Fohrman,For many years I have been davening for some very basic things - things that are good and right on an absolute scale, eg. shiduchim for older singles who badly want to start a home and family (including my own child), children for couples who desperately want them, and health for the deathly ill. In some cases I have seen the response I desired but in others, and with those closest to me, I have not. Though I always include that I am asking for these things if Hashem decides it is the best thing to feel unanswered time and time again is very painful. When I sought an explanation to ease that pain I was generally told that no tefilla is ever lost and all those tefillos were being saved for a time when they would be needed. While I know this is true but it did not ease me. I asked for things that I need right now and it hurts to see all the suffering and to lose those that I and others love so much. I also told myself that my tefillos were lacking and therefore did not elicit the salvation I sought. This did not make it any easier for me to daven.This article is such a balm to me. It gives me the strength and peace of mind to accept Hashem's loving decision and to go on davening. Thank you for this and may HKB"H repay you with all good things in 5768 and always. Thank you.

(12)
Ina Lynn,
September 18, 2007 9:50 AM

Yes vs No vs Wait

This is my shorthand version of prayer; however, when the "No" or a bad thing happens, this is when to pray to El Chanun that He will turn a bad event (pig's ear) into a silk purse so to speak. Looking for a good or great thing to happen out of bad circumstances is the wonderment of El Chanun and so exiting.

(11)
Anonymous,
September 17, 2007 10:06 PM

thanks!!

Dear Rabbi, I am of a different faith than judaism but I am in Aish all the time as I have found it to be so vital in my bible study. I agree wholeheartedly with your article, I understood in my heart when you wrote "For we can realize that the more profound our need, the more deeply we have fashioned a relationship with our Creator by telling Him about it". A line of an old-time hymn; "What a privilege to carry, everything to God in prayer". This hymn was so theologically sound, Our relationship with our God isn't about getting something, its about the privilege of the relationship, the privilege to ask is so HUGE that we never see it because we are so stuck on what we want to get. Thanks for your valuable wisdom.

(10)
Gila,
September 17, 2007 4:10 PM

G-d is infinite and His ways are not our ways

B"H I have been privileged in the past to receive some deeply amazing help, revelation (no other word for it - if you had been there you would understand) and direct reassurance from Hashem, with some prayers answered clearly, unequivocally and sometimes almost instantaneously (and you probably would never believe what happened....). There are other prayers of mine however, prayed from the depths of my heart and personal agony for so many years and for genuine human needs and desires, where the only answer so far has been no.....We may not always receive what we believe in our human minds is fair, but G-d is real and He loves us way beyond our deepest understanding. The Creator of the whole Universe (and just think how amazingly huge and incredible it is) does not after all have to answer to His creations. And sometimes it seems we have to go through great suffering to reach depths of understanding and growth that it seems can come no other way - we are in the Master's hands and ultimately that is surely the safest place to be. Remember also that most evil in this world is perpetrated by human beings who have responsibility for their actions and free choice as to how they use the gift of life.This article rings so true.....

(9)
Anonymous,
September 17, 2007 10:47 AM

hands that help

interested in spritual message which can be spreaded to all likeminded people. want to air my views also.

(8)
Anonymous,
September 16, 2007 9:49 PM

So dear Rabbi, explain me something. First of all, from your last example about the man praying for his dear live. All nice, and all good. he`s of to a better place, close to G`d and all that. What about us, the ones left behind? How does G`d reply to us? And let`s say, there would be right "words" coming out from G`d. Then what`s the pint of praying? Let`s even say according to you, I`m not betrayed, but definitly let down/ dissapointed. Then why put in the effort of asking if you`re going to be let down??? Please respond, preferbly by e-mail, & if possible before Yom Kippur. Hope you can answer my question.

(7)
Ms. Billie M. Spaight,
September 16, 2007 6:24 PM

G-d's Mysterious Ways

I cannot count the number of times that certain prayers seemed not to have been answered because they were answered with precisely this loving "no." At the time, I wondered why but I found out later on that there was a reason for the "no." There is always a reason, but that is revealed when the Almighty believes we are ready to learn it. I really liked this article because it was so true.

(6)
Anonymous,
September 16, 2007 4:57 PM

This does not help me to believe in G-d

Where is the Almighty G-d in the world problems? I've always had a strong belief in G-d, and now I am 65 years old and have more doubts than ever. Where is G-d? I find it very difficult to believe because of what is happening to the whole world, expecially to our own people. The cookie story just doesn't do it for me, as well as the other stories. We are talking not about "cookies," but of war and disasters, Jews still being tortured, good people, not matter what religion, scared to death. You have to come up with a better explaination for me. I cannot believe in a G-d who "allows" this to happen when we are told that G-d is all powerful.

(5)
ruth housman,
September 16, 2007 4:16 PM

the real in r elation ship

What do we expect from God when we pray and why do we do it? These are deep questions and the answers are equally deep and keep on moving beneath the surface. Sometimes, of course, there is the elation of feeling we have been heard as the outcome is as we desired but at other times we are disappointed, and in fact, life is a "mine" field in all respects, so if God is everywhere for us, then it is not always evident. Yes, definitely, the non granting of prayers can result in a far deeper understanding of life and knowledge of God and that reaching out seems to most often happen when we are struck by the immediacy of tragedy or facing some mortal blow. But this story is far deeper. Surely if God answers prayers and if God is omniscient and if prayers being answered result in change, then what is truly moving us all? Now maybe this is too deep for this website but I am forgiving God this season of awe. I have my very deep reasons and God is propelling my very own story.

(4)
Sara Glatt,
September 16, 2007 3:26 PM

best wishes for all Am Israel.

for this new year I wish everyone working on this free given inspiration and info.a happy,healthy and successful year.

Shalom,

(3)
Bernie Siegel, MD,
September 16, 2007 3:23 PM

why some prayers are answered

martin buber said it very well.to paraphrase his writings if you go into labor in the sixth month doctors step in to stop it. and when you are not ready for change and rebirth then god answers your prayers. but when it is time for you to come forth and be born again then god doesn't answer your praywrs because it is time for you to change.

(2)
David R. Silver,
September 16, 2007 11:11 AM

Prayer

I have heard that some people look upon GOD as the great supplier uf lollipops. It is sometimes hard for us to really find GOD'S plan in our lives. When my older brother died I looked to the sky and with clinched fists asked GOD "why". Right now I am having a lot of pain from shingles. The pain will not go away. I tell myself that there must be some purpose, I can not find it. I still pray and hope.

(1)
Daniel Martinez,
September 16, 2007 10:27 AM

Love & devotion for all faiths.

I am not a Jew, and I am not particularly religious. But I like to read Rabbi Fohrman's inspirational messages which make sense even for agnostics like me. How I wish that all human beings on Earth would think and feel as does Rabbi Fohrman. The world would be a much better place.

I just got married and have an important question: Can we eat rice on Passover? My wife grew up eating it, and I did not. Is this just a matter of family tradition?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

The Torah instructs a Jew not to eat (or even possess) chametz all seven days of Passover (Exodus 13:3). "Chametz" is defined as any of the five grains (wheat, spelt, barley, oats, and rye) that came into contact with water for more than 18 minutes. Chametz is a serious Torah prohibition, and for that reason we take extra protective measures on Passover to prevent any mistakes.

Hence the category of food called "kitniyot" (sometimes referred to generically as "legumes"). This includes rice, corn, soy beans, string beans, peas, lentils, peanuts, mustard, sesame seeds and poppy seeds. Even though kitniyot cannot technically become chametz, Ashkenazi Jews do not eat them on Passover. Why?

Products of kitniyot often appear like chametz products. For example, it can be hard to distinguish between rice flour (kitniyot) and wheat flour (chametz). Also, chametz grains may become inadvertently mixed together with kitniyot. Therefore, to prevent confusion, all kitniyot were prohibited.

In Jewish law, there is one important distinction between chametz and kitniyot. During Passover, it is forbidden to even have chametz in one's possession (hence the custom of "selling chametz"). Whereas it is permitted to own kitniyot during Passover and even to use it - not for eating - but for things like baby powder which contains cornstarch. Similarly, someone who is sick is allowed to take medicine containing kitniyot.

What about derivatives of kitniyot - e.g. corn oil, peanut oil, etc? This is a difference of opinion. Many will use kitniyot-based oils on Passover, while others are strict and only use olive or walnut oil.

Finally, there is one product called "quinoa" (pronounced "ken-wah" or "kin-o-ah") that is permitted on Passover even for Ashkenazim. Although it resembles a grain, it is technically a grass, and was never included in the prohibition against kitniyot. It is prepared like rice and has a very high protein content. (It's excellent in "cholent" stew!) In the United States and elsewhere, mainstream kosher supervision agencies certify it "Kosher for Passover" -- look for the label.

Interestingly, the Sefardi Jewish community does not have a prohibition against kitniyot. This creates the strange situation, for example, where one family could be eating rice on Passover - when their neighbors will not. So am I going to guess here that you are Ashkenazi and your wife is Sefardi. Am I right?

Yahrtzeit of Rabbi Moses ben Nachman (1194-1270), known as Nachmanides, and by the acronym of his name, Ramban. Born in Spain, he was a physician by trade, but was best-known for authoring brilliant commentaries on the Bible, Talmud, and philosophy. In 1263, King James of Spain authorized a disputation (religious debate) between Nachmanides and a Jewish convert to Christianity, Pablo Christiani. Nachmanides reluctantly agreed to take part, only after being assured by the king that he would have full freedom of expression. Nachmanides won the debate, which earned the king's respect and a prize of 300 gold coins. But this incensed the Church: Nachmanides was charged with blasphemy and he was forced to flee Spain. So at age 72, Nachmanides moved to Jerusalem. He was struck by the desolation in the Holy City -- there were so few Jews that he could not even find a minyan to pray. Nachmanides immediately set about rebuilding the Jewish community. The Ramban Synagogue stands today in Jerusalem's Old City, a living testimony to his efforts.

It's easy to be intimidated by mean people. See through their mask. Underneath is an insecure and unhappy person. They are alienated from others because they are alienated from themselves.

Have compassion for them. Not pity, not condemning, not fear, but compassion. Feel for their suffering. Identify with their core humanity. You might be able to influence them for the good. You might not. Either way your compassion frees you from their destructiveness. And if you would like to help them change, compassion gives you a chance to succeed.

It is the nature of a person to be influenced by his fellows and comrades (Rambam, Hil. De'os 6:1).

We can never escape the influence of our environment. Our life-style impacts upon us and, as if by osmosis, penetrates our skin and becomes part of us.

Our environment today is thoroughly computerized. Computer intelligence is no longer a science-fiction fantasy, but an everyday occurrence. Some computers can even carry out complete interviews. The computer asks questions, receives answers, interprets these answers, and uses its newly acquired information to ask new questions.

Still, while computers may be able to think, they cannot feel. The uniqueness of human beings is therefore no longer in their intellect, but in their emotions.

We must be extremely careful not to allow ourselves to become human computers that are devoid of feelings. Our culture is in danger of losing this essential aspect of humanity, remaining only with intellect. Because we communicate so much with unfeeling computers, we are in danger of becoming disconnected from our own feelings and oblivious to the feelings of others.

As we check in at our jobs, and the computer on our desk greets us with, "Good morning, Mr. Smith. Today is Wednesday, and here is the agenda for today," let us remember that this machine may indeed be brilliant, but it cannot laugh or cry. It cannot be happy if we succeed, or sad if we fail.

Today I shall...

try to remain a human being in every way - by keeping in touch with my own feelings and being sensitive to the feelings of others.

With stories and insights,
Rabbi Twerski's new book Twerski on Machzor makes Rosh Hashanah prayers more meaningful. Click here to order...