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nervous about returning to work

so my beautiful little baby girl turned 1 a few days ago. I have loved spending this last 12 months being a SAHM but my time is up and im due back in work in 2 weeks time 3 days a week. I feel so down :( I have done this before with DD1 and know that I was just fine when I returned but this time I feel really down and I don't know whether its because im still breastfeeding. I feed on demand still and my LO still prefers milk over food (although she does eat 3 very small meals a day and a snack or 2). I am worried about leaving her for 8 hrs a day - 10.5 hrs with travel (3 days a week) and how she will cope / and how I will cope. Will I still be able to breastfeed her? am i likely to have problems leaking in work? I am so sad about leaving her for that amount of time (ive only ever left her for a couple of hrs). The only good thing is that my mum will be looking after her (in my house) for the time being. I know this is totally normal but just looking for some reassurance - if I could afford to stay at home with my girls I would :(

I have been back at work about 6 weeks now, I'm not saying its easy because its not but I like you felt quite down about going back, I work 10 hour shifts and about 40 min travel each way so sometimes I don't get to see ds and it makes me feel low, however reality sets in and I have to work, I just look forward to days off and make sure I do lots of fun things to make up for not being there much when I do work, it's hard being a working mum but spending time with your children will become even more precious

Hi Jen, I went back to work after 7 months and I was still BF then. My workplace provides an area where BF mums can express but I didn't find that I needed it. I would suggest that you slowly cut back on the daytime BF so that when you return you are not producing milk when you are not around DD. It is great that your mum will have your girls in your home as they will feel settled and it wont add on any time for having to drop off and collect them each day.

You will be fine, it isn't easy but there are some perks to being back at work, like being able to go to the loo in peace!

Hi Jen, I have twins, combination BF and formula til they were 13months. I had to stop partly due to returning to work but also as DS just stopped wanting to BF. It really upset me at the time, I had so wanted to continue, having spent so long trying to establish BF in the first place, to then have DS just reject me felt awful, and awful for DD who was still enjoying her morning BF. I still look at DD and feel a tinge of sadness that I didn't get a bit longer BF her, but that was how it was to be.
anyway I cut down a feed every week til I was down to one and then DS stopped anyway. I had spent so long worrying that if I missed feeds I would lose supply and dry up. Well it's been 4.5months and I am still producing milk! I squeeze a tiny bit out from time to time and am always surprised when I see the milk come out! I had thought about restarting but I know that it's not the right thing for me and my babies. You will have no issues BF, while DD wants to you can continue at the feeds that suit you and her, when the time comes and she wants to stop she will let you know as my DS did. Stop when you are ready, for work you can just cut down to the feeds that suit you both. On the twin website I go to a mum there said it was like her body knew that she worked three days as on those days she didn't BF but the other days she did and always had enough milk, so maybe for you on your days off you can feed as normal?

Are you hoping to have anymore children? If not do you think you are feeling down because you know this is the last time you get to BF/have a little baby etc? That was an issue for me, knowing that although I would desperately want another baby that realistically (financially) I won't be having any more, so when I stopped BF I felt a bit like it was the end of something special that I won't ever get to experience again.

Sorry for rambling, good luck with however it all goes and returning to work!

Sorry you feel this way. You are not alone, I was physically ill for 2-3 months with constant cold, coughing and blocked nose when I had to go back to work after a year with DD even though I love my work. Working only 3 days a week and having your mum look after you girls will make it a bit easier I always enjoyed those days more when DD was with my husband. (She also spent 2 days at nursery).

BF will be fine babies are very clever she will just feed more during nights and days when you are with her. As others said work has to provide you time and place to express milk if that is an issue but your body is also likely to adapt anyway.

I am also sorry you have to travel so far away I hate I am not sure if I could cope with 75 minutes each way!

On a more positive note as Sasha said those days off will just be wonderful. Will you have both girls on those days?

Sasha - I know that's how I felt the first time around - and I know I have to work. I remember settling back into it the first time so I know I can do the same again - the lead up is difficult though :(

curlytails - I am lucky my mum can look after the girls for now :) I was going to express at lunch time (LO can have cows milk now but it was more so I don't leak too much) I have found it hard to cut down 2bh but mainly because some days she feeds loads and others not so much depending on what we're doing. I am trying to distract her though rather than just pulling my boob out everytime she gets a bit squirmy lol

Fuzzybee - I think you've hit the nail on the head - I do feel like she is my last baby for similar reasons - I would love another but financially it just wouldn't work out - we just moved to a bigger house because our old house was too small but as a result we just wouldn't be able to make the figures add up if we had one more without putting ourselves into debt so I feel like the right thing to do would be to stop at 2. I was so keen on breastfeeding my eldest but experienced some huge bumps in the road and fed her for 4 weeks. I don't think I was fully prepared for the challenges with breastfeeding and DD1 wasn't an easy baby so it just didn't work out. I spent the next 4 years planning to breastfeed the next baby and after preparing for the worst it has gone so well. She was so easy to feed partly because I was more prepared but partly because she was and still is an easy baby. I think im having difficulty letting this part of my life go.

thanks rhianon :) it does make it easier knowing they will be with my mum...I hate the travel but the better paid jobs are in the city so unfortunately have to make the commute. On the flip side my husband and I travel to work together so it will be a nice catch up time as lately it feels like we re ships in the night! DD1 will be in school but i'll have before and after school with her on thurs/fris. I think this is bothering me too - I know she has to go to school but I will miss her so much too xx

Oh it's such a weird time just before going back to work! I really sympathise. It sounds like you already know the reality will be easier once the time comes.

I've only got one experience of going back to work to share as I have only just started second maternity leave this week! I returned to work for 3 long days per week (10 hrs inc travel) from when my first LO was 9 1/2 months. My first week back I worked half days and that really took the edge off the change. I continued to breastfeed for six months after returning to work, although I cut right back during the day so that even on the days I was at home with DS I only really whipped out the boobs for emergencies. This proved to be more about me holding back from using the boob as an easy comforter than it was about DS asking for it, which was a total surprise to me as I really thought he'd be asking for it and struggling without it! But losing daytime feeds wasn't too hard for me either - in fact, it was quite freeing, as I got the pleasure of continuing our BFing experience for a long time, from evening until morning, but it was much easier for other people, including DH, to care for DS during daytimes.

You might find you can BF as usual on the days you are with your LOs without any problems at all, but if you do need to cut back during the day to avoid leaking/discomfort then cutting back in the day doesn't mean the end of BFing. You can always play it by ear a little bit to see how you and DD each get on? They are lucky girls to have grandma there to look after them when you're working! I bet you'll all get on just fine.