The Stages of Drinking Coffee, by Age

It's a long road from pumpkin spice lattes to red eyes.

Age 8
Mom, what are you drinking? [Takes a sip.] GROSS, GROSS, GROSS! Quick, get me a Kool-Aid!

Age 10
Emma's older sister always gets coffee when she takes us to Dunkin' Donuts for strawberry frosted doughnuts with sprinkles. We should get coffee too.Age 10.1
Nope, still disgusting.

Age 12
Hey, this isn't bad if you mix it with hot chocolate.

Age 13
Have you tried a Frappuccino from Starbucks yet? It's like a milkshake, but with coffee! Mom, please tell everyone I only want Starbucks gift cards for my birthday.

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Age 14
I can't believe we used to hang out at Applebee's every Friday night. Starbucks is so much cooler. Do you think that cute college guy with his laptop is looking at us?

Age 16
Caramel iced lattes are my oxygen. With extra caramel.

Age 17
Do you think the food courts in college will have coffee places that will make my iced coffee with cream and two Splendas for me, or will I have to do it myself?

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Age 18
Coffee was made for getting extra energy to go out. And for hangovers. And for early classes. Who thought 8 a.m. classes were a good idea? Mom, please tell everyone I only want Starbucks gift cards for my birthday.

Age 24
Down to one Splenda; I am such a grown-up. I still can't believe Katie drinks her coffee black though — that's even grosser than the fact that I used to get extra caramel in my caramel lattes.

Age 25
Do you guys have any organic agave nectar? Splenda is so sweet.

Age 26I still love pumpkin spice latte season and you will pry my red cup full of peppermint mocha out of my cold, dead hands.

Age 27Emma forgot to tell them to put sugar in my coffee and I don't completely hate it. What's happening to me?

Age 28
The barista just accidentally gave me a sweetened coffee and I had to actually lick a napkin to clear the sweet garbage-water taste from my mouth. How did I ever put sugar in my coffee?

Age 30
Get me a red eye. Unsweetened. Though this still tastes a little weak, even without milk. Maybe I need two shots of espresso. Mom, I still want a Starbucks gift card for my birthday. Or an espresso machine.