My Husband Does Drugs

I just left my husband due to his drug abuse. I am a Christian woman married to a non-christian. I am hurting and need emotional support to realize that I need to leave this unhealthy relationship. I still love him and miss him. I am crying constantly. What should I do?

(PART 3) My oldest son, at the age of 13, found my husbands "pot" stash. This began the horrid journey to our family's destruction. I began finding signs that my son was smoking pot, later, hardcore drugs but this went ignored by my husband who had quite smoking pot, in my opinion TOO late. My husband refused to believe my son was an addict. 5 years of rebellion, trouble, and terror then my 19 yr. old son was found dead at a drug dealers house from an overdose of Morphine and Xanax.

My husband and I have been married for 24 years and have 3 children. He smoked "pot" 3-5 days per week for 14 years of our marriage. I begged, cried, threatened him but his desire for pot was more important than his love for his family. Yes, he smoked before our marriage. I would go to church, teach my children to love the Lord, hold bible studies in my home for children, you know all the good "christian" stuff while my husband would buy his "pot" from the neighbors. Some christian testimony, huh???? I listened to christian counsel, incorrect advice, that I should be submissive, to separate would be sin, "just learn to walk in forgiveness and he will change". (part 1)

I blame myself because I listened to wrong christian advice. I have since learned that I was allowing my husband to get away with bad behavior based on some stupid notion that I was being a good, submissive wife. I should have trusted the Lord and separated from my husband while there was still hope of change. Separation forces the mariage partners to DEAL with the issues and FIX them. Don't let judgemental people influence your choices. This is between you and our gracious, loving God. Separate your emotions from reality, get a back bone and protect you family. Do not reconcile unless he STOPS the drug abuse with professional help and SEEKS your forgiveness. The bible DOES address the issue of confrontation.

I understand how you feel..I just left my husband a week ago.. I told him it was either the drugs or me and my children..He angrily told me he wouldnt give it up.so I prepared for a month to leave.. The last 2 days before I left he told me he was going to quit drugs and get a job and begged me to stay ...It was the hardest decision of my life but I left anyway because I just didnt believe he would stay committed to it...I am totally lost every day I am without him..I just couldnt do it anymore... He hasnt worked in a year and I have seen him downward spiral in that year..I miss him so much...I just couldnt let my children watch us fight over drugs and money any more..

My prayers are with you all.God delivered me from Alcohol,Drugs 24 yrs.ago.It is a disease,Psalms 103 says,He heals all our diseases.But,In ministry it doesn't happen to everyone.I pray and wonder why God doesn't do it for all of us.He has a plan,reason for everything just like some people get healed and some pass on.We all have our own free will.They have to hit thier rock bottom.Sad.But,True.You must use wisdom and be safe.I am A survivor of Domestic abuse.Get out if you are in danger.Go to your minister for counseling,hlep.You must take care of yourself.There is many Christain counseling out there.Jesus says,Love your wife as I love the church.I think he also,meant children,man,people in general.I will be praying for you all.April

I have the same problem there is no children. We each have adult children from previous marriage. He just told me today I have to put up with his drug or leave. That did something in me more than ever. I am from another state and he always act single for years and hate myself for letting him treat me like this. I have no real people to even go to. I am so lost beyond words. I cannot drive and have vision problems and I am 63 years old. I feel lost for many reasons.

Please pray for your loved one and let the Lord take care of it. There isn't anything that you or anyone else can do. I have been a Christian for a long time, then I let Satan move in when I lost my husband to divorce then my Dad passed away and my daughter disowned me. That was Satan's way into my life and world with drugs. Since then I have lost almost everything that I own (or the Lord let me borrow while here)and have decided to go back to church and I am trying my hardest to stay away from drugs, it is hard. But with the Lord's help I know I can do it. And so can your loved ones, just be patient and have faith in God and that your prayers will be answered.

jesues has a plan for you and your husband even if you can not see the light due to all the tears and the pain that you fell you have not done nothing wrong your husband has just not chosees to take a hold of jesus my huband was cleans for 10 mounths and just chosse to do drugs 3 weeks ago i was hurt mad and angery i wanted to leave so bad but i just could not i relized that i was so focesed on him getting better and took my eyes off of jesus is that why this is happing i dont know but we have to make sure that we keep are eyes on him and not man

I feel the same way. All I do is cry over this. My husband is hooked on pain pills and I dont know what to do. I have asked him to quit, get help or leave. He went to out patient facilities twice with no success. Well he finally left but came back within an hour of driving around. I dont know if I should leave him. I have 2 children with him. One 17 the other one 11. This is tearing all of us apart. I feel this is not a good environment for my kids. I am a stay at home mom feeling scared, trapped and alone.

Faith: Why did you marry this man if he was using drugs when you were dating? This is one marriage you could have and should have not entered into. The writing was on the wall, but you were not paying attention.

I am a mother of 4 and when I met my husband I was solid, independant, successful single parent. I was quite honest about my past (abusive and addicted ex husband) and about what I would put up with in a relationship DRUGS was one of those topics and lying was another. Well here I am after 7 years of marriage and I have found out how bad his drug use is. I have known about it since the first year we started dating, and have threatened to leave...but because of all the kids I just never had the courage to. Now I think that he is using again. How do I trust a man who has repeatedly lied? And why do I have to honor our marriage vows when he cant? Please help me I am starting to loose my Faith

My husband and I have been married since 2003. However I met 19 years ago. He has always used drugs (not me) but the meth use is what has taken him down. He is psychotic.It's way to much for me now. When he is high I dont' even feel safe anymore. He calls me horrible names in front of my children and tells me that I'm getting F----- at work in front of my 2 and 6 year old daughter. I'm actually scared to leave him. I know he will go completely down once I do. I'm scared to see that but I need peace in my life for the sake of me and my girls. Adive please!!

Narconon, Are you actively using drugs or alcohol? If you are, then you need not wonder why your girlfriend left you. Were you living together? If the wife leaves and the husband still uses drugs because she left, that is not her fault, but his.

I'm sure you leaving him is not going to do anything but make him worse on his addictions,if hes a good guy and loved you and never cheated or nothing I think you should give the man another chance to change and if he doesn't then leave. My girlfriend just left me after 2 years yesterday and I'm down in the dumps today. I don't know why she left and the bad thing is that she left about a a few day ago and came running back begging me to take her back,I did. The next day she leaves after I get her gifts and took her out to a nice place to eat. So do whatever you feel like you need to but don't make a mistake for some dumb guy, because there's plenty more fish in the sea. God bless.

To the wives, you need to NOT take your husband's drug/alcohol use as a personal affront to you. They are not out to hurt you. AND, you cannot keep them off the drugs/alcohol.

Get yourself therapy. If they are willing, marital therapy. Get yourself a support system at church AND at AlAnon/NarAnon meetings. Both are needed. You need to learn from other wives and family members about drug/alcohol addiction and how to survive and thrive in spite of it.

You can see God work miracles in your husbands. It will take work. Get your feelings out of the way. It's not about you. It's about the drug. An addict will go for the drug, until they are freed from the addiction with God's help.

I know what you ladies going through my husband has been on drugs over 20 years my daughter is 19 he almost died 3 times because of heart problems he dont think that the problem i know thats the problem he gets off for a while back at again he tells so many lies that he has ran out of lies lately i've been getting headache from this and depression i'm praying god answer all my prayer but this one i'm still waiting my husband name is jesse please keep us in prayer i dont have enough stength to leave i will keep every in prayer god bless regina68

The first thing you are doing wrong is trying to realize and reason why you should leaving him! You are a Christian right? Have you earnestly asked the "Lord" not people what you should do? And instead of crying constantly and throwing your self a Victim Pity Pat Party, have you prayed, fasted, patiently waited for his: "The Lord" response? This is not a matter of getting peoples opinions, but seeking God for direction. You are pressed to stand in the gap as his wife! remember "For better or WORST?" But if you feel The Lord has released you to tuck your tail and run. Then why are you still there? The Answer is in your HEART!!!!!

Drug Rehab. Try and find a Christian one. Then try and send him to a 3 to 6 month all inclusive place for him to really study what it means to be a Christian. They aren't fun trips, but more like barracks.

I just found out my husband has taken drugs again. He has been sober for a few months and in that time has gotten save and baptised and started living for the Lord. So when I found out he is doing drugs I was hurt beyond belief. The last time he did drugs he almost died and DCf became a part of our lives. He is at risk of losing his family now. He is so mad that I called the church and told them what was goig on. Now he is so angry at me and dosn't seem like what e did was such a big deal. Any encouragement and advice would be wonderful.

Hi, i am in the same situation but not sure whether should i leave him. He is not on drugs but used to be an ex-drug addict. But he still habits where he smoke and take sleeping pills. Many times, he promised me he will not take the pills but i always managed to find out that he lies. I do love him and have no courage to leave him yet but the thought of him taking pills again and fearing it will lead to other things...i am so distress.

Stay encouraged. Pray for those who spitefully use you. That is what the Bible says. It works for me. Pray positive things, ex,Lord give him the desires of his heart. Lord give him a closer walk with you. Father let him feel your love. etc. This becomes more therapeutic for you because you will find that instead of feeling resentment or hatred or any other negative feeling, you will start to feel filled with the spirit. THe Bible also say, to think on good things, all things that are true, perfect etc.

I just googled that I am a christian woman married to a drug addict and found this blog. I'm not sure of the date but today is june 10 09. I too am married to a user. his drug of choice is cocaine/crack. in either form depending on the situation. we seperated a month ago, and I am scared of the future financially as we have 2 children, it was time, and I almost feel as though God released me, I finally felt it was ok for me to leave this unhealthy marriage. some may not agree or understand (my mom-in-law for one) but as a christian woman I was really torn over what to do. I believe in Marriage as God intended it to be. so it was hard to make the decision, but I am moving forward, and I hope you are too. lean on the Lord for strength and guidance

No advice but to realize that a drug addict is CONTROLLED by drugs. That's all an addict thinks about from the moment he opens his eyes in the morning till he closes them at night. Not just his WIFE, but everyone and anything else is secondary... his job if he still has one, his children, his parents, his future,his health... nothing is as important to him as drugs.So it isn't about YOU or some failure on your part.

As you love him,you could use some counseling and some ideas what it might take to convince him to get help. Try to get in a supportive church group. Commit him to the Lord.

Leaving him is one thing that may have some affect. But if he is to be helped, he must, himself, choose help. My prayers go with you.

I think you are leaving him for a good reason because if he loved you as much as you love him he would try and get some help. Maybe you leaving him will be of some great help to him, sometimes when can do more harm to a person by sticking around letting him kill them selfs with drugs. I to have used in the past and have been cleaned for 8 years so it can be done you have to first hit rock bottom before you really can say enough is enough. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

seeing this post gives me hope, I am a christian woman married to a non-christian drug user. He does not use daily, but once a week on his day off, this means when there is time for us to be a family he is not with us. I have talked to him about it and he has may it clear to me he does not want to stop. He does not understand why this is not a good thing, we have been married for almost 18years, and have 2 teenagers. I love him but hate that he is spending money on drugs and doing drugs, we live paycheck to paycheck and it is touch for me. I am the one that pays the bills. I have thought about leaving him but that is a hard choice. I get scared to be around him sometimes not all times.

God bless you, sister in Christ. I just left my husband of 5 years. We have a four year old son. He is not saved and due to his perscription drug abuse, I was recently physically abused. I struggle with what to do with my marriage and feel that he will never get help. I am having to bare the legal reprocussions of his attack and having to explain to our son why his father can not come over to our new appartment. Please pray for my husband (LeeRoy) that he may finally accept Christ or pray for me should he file for divorce because I left.

I am about to leave my husband of 25 years. He is an alcoholic. When we married, we were not saved. He did get saved, but he has turned back to his beloved alcohol and walked away from doing the things of God. So now I am left with no choice but to leave. I believe I am an enabler. I prayed about this to God and He has let me know that I have endured enough pain in this relationship. God told me that I am not a savior and only He has the power to restore. So even though I am leaving, I am leaving with that in my mind, that God still has us both in his hands. He can restore. So I ask that anybody that reads this, please pray for me and my husband. His name in John.

Pray for him as well as yourself, think kind thoughts ask for guidance and blessings. My Husband used to drug & drink gallons of liquor. After talking to another woman whose story was worse than mine. she recommened putting rose oil around where he sits, sleeps pray for him to receive a strong sign from God. which he did. He witnessed it changed his life. I'm grateful to say, My Husband while still not a complete saint (smile) has changed dramatically over the past 7 years. Don't put yourself in harms way. If you have photos of the two of you pray to God over one place it in your Bible. Miracles do happen everyday some take longer than others. Some we never see ourselves. Have faith, be good to yourself. You're Blessed

I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. I am a Christian and my husband is not. He is on his way to rehab for drug use as I write this. I am hurting terribly and am very confused. I don't know if the marriage will make it, but I am holding out hope. You are a very strong woman for having the courage to leave and protect yourself from the unhealthy relationship. Pray for him. That is the best thing you can do.

Hello,I am very sorry for what you are going through. However, I do believe that things happen for a reason. I am going through the very same thing. I thought maybe you could help me. I have not left my husband yet, but I know that I need to. Are their children involved in your situation? We have two and they adore him, he is wonderful when he is clean.I am a mess and dont know what to do. Thanks.

I cried many tears. There is hope. You see God was telling me that if I leave my husband than he could take a turn for the worse and it is my strength that will get him past the drugs and living for Christ. He did finally after 3 1/2 years get healed from his addiction. The Lord will not give you more than you can handle. Stay in prayer for your husband. He needs you now more than ever.He is sick,addiction is a sickness. Leaving him is simply not the answer. He needs you now more than ever. He does drugs to cover up pain. Some where in his life is pain find that and he can be healed.I will be in prayer for you and your family. There is a deliverance Revern I took my husband to. His name is Revern Herritt his number is 717-545-4550 call him.

Christian or non-Christian husband, God loves you and hears your cry. I was married to a Christian man who used drugs, we were "equally yoked" It didn't hurt any less because he was a Christian. This is a horrible thing to endure and only if you have been through it can you really understand. It gets easier with God. Don't stop asking God for help and only look for guidence from people that share you experience otherwise you get people judging you because of their ignorence. I made it and you will too. Pray for your husband, but only God can deliver him and this is your husband's battle and addiction not yours. His addiction is not about you unless you enable. God Bless

I don't know much about your relationship or what you have endured because of his drug abuse. Quiting your marriage will not make him quit. It'll just push him deeper into it. Prayer, prayer, prayer and do some intervention.

Sherri: You have made some very bad decisions and now you are paying the price. My heart goes out to you. Drug use is a bad situation to deal with. God told us plainly in His owrd to not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. You went ahead and did your own thing and went against God and His warning. This is normally what happens when we are disobedient. You will have to go through this turbulent time now because of disobedience. Cry out to God,confess and repent and ask Him to deliver you from this situation. Dont make excuses or pretend it is your spouses, fault. It is but not entirely.We must be honest and truthful for God to move in and turn our situations around.Go to your pastor for guidance or seek christian counseling also. God bless

my name is christian and i do drugs. i am sorry you are going through this. i obviously dont know your husband but if he is like me we do the things that we do as a direct result of the drug use. i am not intentionally trying to hurt my wife. i know that doens't make it feel any less painful but its important that you know its not you. its the addiction. if we could quit on our own we would. So what should you do? Pray and Pray, ask God what to do. I did just today and he led me to 1 corn 10:13. I plan to use Gods promises in this verse to quit once and for all. God bless you and your family.

from Linda, i understand, I also left my husband. Got saved after we married & used to do drugs with him. I have been set free and he tried the "church thing" with me, but was not into it. He missed his fun and band, as he was in a rock band. I tried for a long time but gave up & just focused on the Lord - my life has been good. As long as I have Jesus I am ok. Keep your eyes on Jesus and don't let others (or yourself) condemn you. God bless and keep you.

I am in the same situation. i just got married and my husband will not stop doing drugs. He will have a period when he doesn't do it for a whille and then he will go at it full speed. Then he starts to feel sorrowful and wants to ask for forgiveness. I have been throough this too much with him and I amm ready to jusst leave it alone for good. We have kids and I do not want them to grow up in a negative environment.

I too, have been in your shadow of turmoil, and distraught. The one most important thing you MUST remember is this , people will not change UNLESS they want to change themselves. The one thing that got me through such a painful time in my life was going to a counselor sponsored by Catholic Charities. God bless and best wishes.

Pray for your husband and take good care of yourself! I have been in your shoes. Yes, it hurts to see your husband do drugs. Get counseling through your church and a womens center. When you left your husband, you actually are helping him. I will pray for you!:)....For strength, to move forward and to have a spiritual closeness with God. It's amazing how God has helped me and my daughter! AMAZING! Time heals! And of course my relationship with our HEAVENLY GOD! LET-GO, LET GOD. P.S. Keep busy!

I feel your pain as I have been there with my husband. He was using drugs and lying. Our family was falling apart. When it got so bad physically, emotionally, etc. I said go to rehab or say goodbye to your family. God doesn't want you in an abusive relationship, but He doesn't want you to give up either. If you have exhausted all your options and your husband refuses help than it is okay to leave him. You need to protect yourself and your family first and foremost.

I can relate-my husband left doing drugs - he is very cold, tells lie after lie & doesn't want to come back. He's been w/my x-sister-in-law w/kids there. My first husband, brother, & son died from drug use. Trying to hang in there is destroying me I agree w/get help & reconcile, but how much can one take - he used before during & after the death of my son just this past Sept. Do you really think God wants you to stay w/someone you don't know as drugs change who you are?

Amanda: Scripture does support the idea of separating with the intention of reconciliation. That all too often seems to be ignored by most Christians. To separate, divorce and remarry is not in line with the Bible. But, to separate and then work toward reconciliation, if the addicted spouse gets rehab, clean and makes positive changes that are good for the welfare of the family, like working, and supporting the kids, that is Biblical.

I am sorry for your pain as I am struggling with leaving my husband too. I believe marriage is a commitment made between two people in the eyes of God & understand the pain you must feel stems from a deep seeded loss. I know you may feel like you are breaking your marital vows by not being there "for richer, poorer in sickness and in health". However, I worry that I am not abiding by God's law to enable this behavior by making it acceptable. At what point did you determine you needed to leave?

Ashley: You said "or are you willing to stop him now"? Nobody can stop an addict from using but himself. Ask any recovering addict or alcoholic. A person has to want to quit. One thing a spouse can do is remove themselves from the household until the addict gets help. There are also interventions that can be done to try to get an addict to want to get help.

Sharon, I sympathize with your situation. Until he realizes he is ill and needs help, all the support in the world will not help him. There are many clinics to dry people out. I have a friend who caught her husband introducing their four kids to drugs and had them pushing them for him. They are now addicts themselves. Make your choice. Do you want many lives destroyed through him, or are you willing to stop him now. There is a difference between trying hard and professing to quit.

i have the same problem. it is awful. i have three children. my husband and i have a business together. and he is an addict. i am christian and do not feel that divorce is the answer. my husband says he has quit but so far he has not been able to even make one day. it is sooooooo hard to be supportive.

In my experience with addicts and alcoholics, there is a lot of work to be done to change the thinking of the addict, which is why 12 step programs are so successful. Those programs encourage something similar to cognitive behavioral therapy in working the 12 steps.

I really believed that God is able to help you. Pray is the answer, because you will listen the Holly Spirit voice guiding you to what to do best. Only God knows what is going to work for you and him. All the options have to be considered and God will allow you to see the way to go. He has promised to be with you always. Get all the spiritual support that you can get. Jesus loves you and your husband. He will not let you alone with this. Also as you see you are in many people prayers.

Madison...Addictions are not listed as mental illness in the DSM-IV. Although drug and alcohol use can result in mental illnesses, the addiction in itself is not a mental illness. Quite often drugs in particular can result in drug-induced psychosis. Upon ceasing the drugs, the client generally reverts to a normal state of mind within a few weeks unless permanent brain damage has occurred. This happens quite often with "huffers" as you are probably aware.

If you love your husband, I suggest you honor your vows and pray for his evil additions to be sent to the pits of hell. Read 1 Corinthians 7:12-16 (save & unsave) 1 Thessalonians 5:11 (build each other up) Ephesians 5 : 25-29 ( his outline of how to treat you) For better or worse. Pray until something happens God will informed you if you need to move on

In the words of Jesus, "Go, and sin no more." For the need for companionship is strong, even bad companionship, and you need to immerse yourself into a healthy Christian church where the ladies understand what abuse is like, and you can talk to them.

Susie: Drug and alcohol addiction are listed in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual, IV-TR, which is a book used by therapists and psychiatrists to diagnose mental illnesses. There is also research that indicates a brain chemistry problem which makes people more susceptible to becoming addicted, as well as a genetic component to addictions.

What support do you have for your assertion that addictions are not mental illnesses?

drug and alcohol abuse are an illness that drives many in their lives. That is why we are encouraged to avoid evil at all cost, so it doesn't become an addiction. Until he realizes he is mentally ill, there is nothing you can do except pray that he sees he has a problem. Once he goes into rehab to dry out, every day becomes a constant struggle to deny his body what it craves. you can either walk away or you can give him the support he will need daily to overcome his addiction through love.

Sherri, "He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds." Cry out to Jesus for help. Ask the Lord to show you how to heal from this. It will be a process, but if you stay close to Jesus in prayer every day, commune with him, tell Him what's on your heart, how you feel, etc., Jesus will heal you and you will be able to walk in God's perfect will for your life. God has a plan for your life, He just doesn't tell us what it is, it's called "Trust Him."

Sherri, "He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds." Cry out to Jesus for help. Ask the Lord to show you how to heal from this. It will be a process, but if you stay close to Jesus in prayer every day, commune with him, tell Him what's on your heart, how you feel, etc., Jesus will heal you and you will be able to walk in God's perfect will for your life. God has a plan for your life, He just doesn't tell us what it is, it's called "Trust Him."

Just hold on and lean on Jesus to supply the strength you need. Under no circumstance, go back to this man. You have made the better and more godly choice. When you let things happen around you,like what your spouse is doing, it opens the door, for demon invasion into your home. Thingswill begin to fall apart in your life and you won't know why. Ask God and he will direct your path. It is not easy to let go but with God's help its gets easier, by the day.

Madison has good advice about seeking God's will in this. I wish to add to my previous post...I am not advocating divorce, even though my relationship ended that way after years of counseling, prayer, several seperations. My ex's alcohol and drug use escalated as did abuse and his adultery, so divorce was because of the adultery. I still believe God is able and desires reconciliation

"Tough love" is the only way to handle this situation. Stay away from this man as long as he is using drugs. If he comes to you and says he is clean, tell him you will give him six months to prove himself. Don't renew a relationship with him until that six months passes. You will be amazed at what six months does in yourself.

On the cover of recent magazine is a celebrity going through the same exact thing. This husband has a 'stay clean accountability counselor' by his side every where he goes. If you have that kind of money, you can employ a body guard to keep you safe from yourself. In an unequally yoked marriage, Bible says let the unbeliever depart. You're supposed to stay put, unless your family is in danger. God wouldn't want that. There's been too many father/family tragedies lately.

This is truly a difficult situation and I am sorry for you and your husband. Keep praying and seeking God, divorce may not be the answer right now. Madison gave good adivce about going to NarAnon and getting help for yourself. A good Christian counselor would be a good thing for you right now. Sending prayers!

While I empathize with you, and understand fully your desire to be out of the relationship, I must encourage you to seek the Lord's will in this matter. Get on your knees and get in a relationship with an older, Christian woman who can guide you in scriptures. Also, attend Nar-Anon and get therapy for yourself.

Sherri, my heart goes out to you. I've been there too, and know it is grieveous. I wished to do the Lord's will, and sought Him, counseling with pastor, did not act hastily. Tried seperation on more then 1 occassion, always with the hope of reconcilliation. My husband, now ex, was prayed for, counseled and chose to continue in his ways, which got worse. I hope better for you. I know God is able, but sometimes allows one to continue as they chose. very sad when 1 does not choose life.

Unfortunatley there is not much you can do except PRAY. Your husband has to want to deal with this himself. You can remember to understand that you have nothing to do with his drug problems and his drug problems have nothing to do with his love for you. But you probaby did the right thing because life with an addict is a hard road to go. You and your husband are both in my prayers.

Was he doing drugs when you married him? I won't go into the 'unequally yoked' sermon which I'm sure you know. You say you love him, good! Encourage him to seek treatment and ask if he'd allow you to pray with him for his needs. YOU need to seek council to get your 'head wrapped around' this. Also rely on your pastor, family and Christian friends to help you through this very difficult situation.God bless you Sherri, you both will be in my prayers.