Fresh from your condiment-colored nightmares, here's a corporate mascot firing up a minor league hockey team, and also you. Oh, and clown trigger warning.

The Central Hockey League's Allen Americans held McDonald's Night earlier this month, complete with putrid jerseys to be auctioned off for charity. But the real highlight, via Puck Daddy, was Ronald McDonald's pregame pep talk to the Americans, taken from Kurt Russell's speech in Miracle. If you're not inspired to do great things today, there's no help for you.