Ryan Reynolds and Scarlett Johansson Separate

After two years of marriage, Ryan Reynolds and Scarlett Johansson have separated, according to TMZ. No details were given except the split is amicable, so I’m going to let these photos do the talking while I curl into the fetal position under my desk and question why God continues to forsake me. Is it because of the atheism? That just seems petty.

UPDATE: Here’s the official statement:

After long and careful consideration on both our parts, we’ve decided to end our marriage. We entered our relationship with love and it’s with love and kindness we leave it. While privacy isn’t expected, it’s certainly appreciated.“

Wow. Kind of refreshing to see a celebrity couple have realistic expectations about how this game works. It almost makes me feel bad for breaking into their house in search of Blake Lively‘s hair follicles. — To prove an affair! To prove an affair. I don’t know where you people get your ideas fro- *sniff sniff* She’s been in this room.

I don’t see what’s the point when they already had an “open” marriage. I may be a sick horny toad, but if you’re going to get married be serious about it. Originally marriage = family = order. Still in their defense, Hollywood is to tradition and values what the bitches on the View are to Orielly’s nuts.

She smokes two packs a day; he is a health freak. Both are attractive obviously but looks only go so far especially when both parties are narcissistic divas. He couldn’t stand she pulls triple salary what he does and has gotten nominated for four Golden Globes.

Sorry Van Wilder, but she is going to trade up and you certainly are not.

Something Stepford about her. Got that wanting to grow up into Gwyneth Paltrow funk.

Yes, I would do her (before I was married and therefore emascu…ummm, domesticated.

No, she wouldn’t be near the top of my list of celebrity fantasies (if I was pathetic enough to compile such a list, in Excel and Access, rating by various physical features, perceived personality traits and willingness to exploit looks in sleazy and inventive ways for career advancement, and update them daily depending on what the internets tell me).

Did anyone seriously expect this marriage to work?? Com’on, its like Courtney Cox marrying that guy that’s in those movies with all the animals. We know how that turned out. Scarlett finally woke up one day and said what the fuck am i doing?