“After a weak debut last week, “Trauma” (1.8/4, 5.5 million viewers) fell 18 percent in its second broadcast and finished a distant fourthin its 9 p.m. timeslot. The medical drama actually ranked fifth in adults 18-34, losing to CW’s “Gossip Girl” in the demo. While “Trauma” was a huge promotional priorityfor the Peacock pre-season, and a favorite of executives there, the series now has to be considered on life support following this performance. NBC might be patient, however, and see if the show perks up next week, when the “Monday Night Football” competition may not be as intense.”

Oh Trauma, how you’ve disappointed so many the past week. You received horrible reviews for your debut show from a ton of newspapers, you started a “backlash” in the Emergency Medical Services (EMS) community, and, oh yes, you have horrible ratings. But, now get this, the San Francisco Chronicle is on your side, oblivious to all the horrible newspaper reviews, the EMS backlash, and the horribleratings.

Is it true that every new show from NBC last fall has already been cancelled? Yes. And yet, per the Chron, “It’s hard to tell how the show will do.” And “all” the actors are “talking about” buying homes(!) in the 415 area? OMG! Srsly?

Let’s take a look at the numbers, here at the HubDub. The graph just spiked after Trauma’s debut:

You see, Trauma is not just the odds-on favorite for being cancelled with a quickness, it’s the odds-on favorite for being cancelled before all these other shows. I’m not an expert on TV, but if there’s at least four new shows that NBC wants to debut soon then at least a few of the current serieseses have to get axed, right? Of course, things could change for Trauma and the ratings might go up, but why would they go up at this point?

Now of course, NBC / Universal / Open 4 Business Productions / Film 44 / Beau Bonneau Casting was trying to get real, live EMTs to work as extras but the problem was the rate of pay was only $160 per day of shooting with no maximum for how much time the EMT would have to be on the set. (In comparison, do you have any idea what the cops make on a typical day? A lot more than $160 per day, I’ll tell you. It’s a lot closer to a cool thousand dollars/day.) Offering this paltry sum of $160 to a trained EMT, well that seems a little skimpy. Maybe that’s part of the problem.

Well, Amy Chozick at the Wall Street Journal takes a stab at it here with “Blowing Up on the Small Screen, NBC tries to create big-budget, movie-style special effects once a week,” where we learn that Angela Bromstad, President of Prime-Time Entertainment at NBC, considers the new serial an “adrenalized version of ‘E.R.‘” O.K. then. (Somebody at this point could say something about how Technology’s March of Progress, the very same one that allows NBC / Universal / Open 4 Business Productions to do special effects cheaper these days, has given people other viewing options – so that’s why you’re never going to get anything close to an E.R. kind of viewership, beaucoup explosions ou pas.)

All right, on with the Viewing Parties skedded for Monday night. Will people actually develop drinking games where you have to take a slug every time “emergency staff countermands legal requirement, medical dogma, or orders from superior because they know it will kill the patient,” or something like that?

People will. Throw in “Sex Act On The Job,” “Twirlypopper Destroyed,” and “Beefcake! Beefcake!” and you’ll have a Tuesday morning hangover.

“Trauma,” starring Anastasia Griffith and Jamey Sheridan, focuses on a team of first-responder paramedics in San Francisco. While Sternberg appreciates the show’s “cool” special effects, he said he “can’t shake the feeling that we’ve seen all this before.”

Ruh roh, Shaggy.

Ironically, the only trauma helicopter flights in San Francisco are Hollywood fakery – San Francisco County has ZERO medical helipads or heliports due to the millionaire NIMBYs of Potrero Hill. Does that make S.F. unique in the nation? Yes. We have a Level One Trauma Center (out of a total of four for northern California) at S.F. General Hospital but it’s the only one in the nation to lack a helipad on the roof or a shared heliport (the approach they take in New Yawk City) nearby.

Oh well. But now back to the show.

Let’s view excerpts from another cultural Cassandra to learn more about the series we all see filming around town :

“over the top, hammed up performances, ridiculous, Michael Bay-worthy explosions, lack of story, characters look very two dimensional, overly dramatic, looks a bit too overdone, we’ll see how long a show with a big budget like this lasts. This is a show that will most likely collapse because of its own weight.”

Check it out for yourself on Monday, September 28th at 9:00 PM, right before the Jay Leno. And, bonus, it appears they’ll broadcast an encore of the pilot on Saturday, October 3rd – actually it looks like they plan to broadcast the same episode twice each week every week. We’ll see how popular this series will generally be by Halloween-time.

So, how about this as an over/under for the eventual cancellation announcement? December 31, 2009.

Remember, back in the long ago, when San Francisco actually had a Halloween celebration? (Perhaps our new police chief will bring it back?) Actually, instead of getting Halloween, we get to pay for this P.O.S. website. Oh well.

Mexican Wrestler enjoying himself with a couple of queens in the Castro, before Halloween got cancelled in San Francisco a few years back:

Hey, hey you Hollywood vanga vanga, since you’re in town anyway, why not do something good and fix the damn Alta Plaza stairway you all broke back in the 1970’s? What’s that, it was a different production company that did that? Who cares? Why not get a permit to fix the steps and then strip production down to the bone for a few days while your talented crew actually does something productive for a change?

Or, just work it into a script, why don’t you? Like the repair crew fixing the steps has a trauma or something, and then at the end of the show you can display the new and improved steps.

You know, just for kicks. So you’ll have a legacy when this is all over…

Just a thot.

Well I live with snakes and lizards
and other things that go bump in the night
‘Cuz to me everyday is Halloween
I have given up hiding and started to fight
I have started to fight
Well any time, any place, anywhere that I go
all the people seem to stop and stare
they say ‘Why are you dressed like it’s Halloween?
you look so absurd, you look so obscene’
Oh, why can’t I live a life for me?
why should I take the abuse that’s served?
why can’t they see they’re just like me
it’s the same, it’s the same in the whole wide world
well I let their teeny minds think
that they’re dealing with someone who is over the brink
and I dress this way just to keep them at bay [Michael Bay! KaBooom!]
‘Cuz Halloween is everyday
it’s everyday
Oh, why can’t I live a life for me?
why should I take the abuse that’s served?
why can’t they see they’re just like me
it’s the same, it’s the same in the whole wide world
Oh, why can’t I live a life for me?
why should I take the abuse that’s served?
why can’t they see they’re just like me
i’m not the one that’s so absurd
why hide it?
why fight it?
hurt feelings
best to stop feeling hurt
from denials, reprisals
it’s the same it’s the same in the whole wide world

Now after all the abuse I took from the Hollywood crowd over this little entry, I was surprised to hear from a person working on the set who said he appreciated my “critical insights” – and plus, he told me where they’d be shooting with a special guest star! I says, “Clooney? It’s gotta be Clooney.” So this Alan guy goes, “Bigger than Clooney.” Wow. So I took the CalTrain down to San Jose yesterday and went to the exact address but then when I called to check he said they had already moved on to Gilroy.

After another arduous train trip further south, I can’t find anything so I calls Alan and he’s all sorry, we’re back up here in San Fran. (Man, I think that “Mr. Smithee” (if that’s his real name) might have been pulling my leg.) I got back to the City around dinnertime* to see these scenes at 1 Bush Street.

Here are the shots I took with my iPhone (well, somebody’s iPhone, anyway.)

FiDi yuppie gets all shot up. Click to expand:

Here’s a tip: 8-pointed stars = fake SFPD:

Here’s the EULA-type thing for walking down Bush Street these days. “In Perpetuity” – that’s a long time:

And speaking of dinner, it was delish, at least the scraps I was able to finagle – a small reward for my CalTrain odyssey…

If you liked ER, you might like Trauma – it will be coming soon to a television near you.

But if you never witnessed ER, then it’s hard to imagine you’d consider San Francisco-based Trauma to be anything but more dreck from the L.A. County “dream factory.” JMO.

This is how the 1100 block of Kearny looked this afternoon. Click to expand:

There appeared to be a struggle getting this heavy piece of equipment down the block:

The stars taking a break? Looks that way.

And, of course, lots of people standing around on the clock doing nothing. Doing nothing avec attitude, actually. At least Hollywood has access to an interesting outdoor set. (You know, lots of productions were shot on this very spot over the years.)

Let’s hope the suits down south feel it’s generally worth the hassle of filming (or taping?) here instead of Vancouver or thereaboot, eh?

But you know what? A feature on what it’s like to film in the City and County, well, that could very easily be watchable.

Anyway, Trauma itself is just so much grist for the boob tube. In NBC’s own words:

“Like an adrenaline shot to the heart, Trauma is an intense, action-packed..”

“I’ve made my way through all the pilots for the new fall season. And I’m ready to declare the new shows I’m most excited about for the fall. (As a side note I’m most worried about NBC, I didn’t like “Trauma” or “Mercy” but that’s a column for another time).”