I am pretty quick to make fun of others, but I try as much as I can to not judge people.
Because most of the times that I’ve judged people I didn’t know, I’ve realized later that I was wrong.

Not everybody has the same etiquette, for example. And from Paris to London to New York to Tokyo, everything is different. You can’t judge.
Plus, it happens to everybody to be an asshole, to have a disastrous style one day (or two) or to cut the line at Starbucks.

But there are still a few things that I can’t help but judge. Maybe you can help me on these. From the least significant to the most sordid…

The One Who Wears Glasses Inside.

This is totally personal, because I feel like these people don’t allow me to understand them. Eyes are so important, come on, show them to me !
And also because I’ve tried and let me tell you : with sunglasses inside, you don’t see anything (unless you’re in a room at The Standard and it’s very very bright).
So it’s really a conscious decision to hide something (or to show one’s sunglasses) or it’s an ophtalmological problem.

If it’s something else, can you explain ?

The One Who’s All Dressed In Statement Clothes From Head To Toe.

Statement on statement on statement : wrong statement.
It’s a very soft judgment, still – what I see is insecurity.
I tell myself it will go away one day and that it doesn’t hurt anybody to be a walking advertisement. But to judge someone as insecure is still to judge…

The One Girl Who’s Dancing Half Naked In Front Of A Bunch Of Guys
(As seen recently in Miami)

As a woman, seeing another woman throwing herself in those kind of situations pisses me off and the big sister in me comes out. Because I do have that feeling that we are all sisters and that we should watch out for eachother.

I want to go throw a rope on her, but she would be the first one to tell me I’m crazy.

It’s not an extra bad judgement. It kind of makes me laugh from the distance, I might even make a joke, cause seriously have you seen that girl there in the back?, but inside, it kind of hurts.

I try to send her telepatic messages : “You don’t need to do that to be loved!!! Be careful they’re taking pictures!” But she doesn’t give a shit, she’ll get her lesson later. She’ll learn on her own.

Well, let me tell you that if that girl was a friend, it’s not a rope I would throw over her, it’s a whole ice bucket.

The One Who Doesn’t Eat (Seen way too often)

I know I shouldn’t judge because it’s a deep and very difficult problem, but a girl who doesn’t eat cause “she’s so not hungry!”, who orders a tea in lieu of a lunch and takes out a ziploc with three undefined grains for dessert makes me want to run to the other side of the world, like, to Brooklyn let’s say.

I don’t want to deal with that problem, and I don’t want to pretend I haven’t noticed. I’ve tried both often, and its just impossible. It’s not my role. I can’t be a silent witness of all that , but I can’t help. I am sorry. I judge, and I flee.

The Ones Who Talk Down To My Collaborators.

Once again, it happens to everybody to be an asshole, to be in a rush, to be too brisk.

But I don’t understand the people that talk down to those who work with me. There, I judge.
Why talk bad to someone who’s “below you”? Don’t you realise what you’re doing? Do you think I’ll never know? Don’t you know my assistant might be your boss one day (or mine)? And that even if that never happens, everyone deserves respect and a “hello, how are you?”

I just don’t get it.

The Ones That Gossip To The Extreme.

This is literally freaking me out.
I mean believe me, I LOVE gossips and if we were at the café you and me, I would tell you a few that would make you laugh out loud.
But there are limits. Seriously. I call that disgusting gossip.
Health problem of others when they don’t wan’t to talk about them, telling everybody who’s having sex with who (when it could cause personal / family dramas) or other way too important intel to be brought up in the social scene. And that are a real violation of the life of people.

When someone I don’t know well gives me that type of gossip, I freak out. I don’t know what to do with it, I don’t want to know, I want to go very, very far away and bury my face in the sand. Like, yeah, I’d rather be an ostrich.

Ok so help me, am I too judgmental ? Are there things I shouldn’t judge so harshly ? What are your limits ?

I wear sunglasses inside ALL the time. My friends make fun of me and call me ‘Anna Wintour’, but the truth is I’m so used to wear them that I don’t notice them anymore.

Last Friday I left them at home, by mistake (I don’t know how that happened) and I felt naked the entire day. My eyes hurt so bad! So people can judge me all they want, but I’ll keep wearing my sunnies forever :)

Oh, I agree with everything you’ve written! We all judge, even if we think we don’t. I tend to be judgmental about someone else’s relationship: why is she dating a guy who’s treating her so badly? Why is he staying with that girl he doesn’t love? I have to confess that I did step in once or twice (which in one case worked like magic, and in the other case…well not so much…). It’s difficult seeing loved ones get hurt.

For the glasses thing, some people may do that because they are prescription glasses (or maybe so they can feel all Anna Wintour chic), but it is still super weird. As for everything else, there is no explanation! Those things irk me a lot as well. It especially annoys me when people talk down to the other “little people.” That drives me crazy. Don’t they remember where they came from!

YES!!!! I agree, especially with the gossip!!! In certain groups there are no BOUNDARIES and when the gossip starts to get really nasty, hurtful, i will just walk away, no time for that shit!…. that being said i think most people that feel the need to gossip are really insecure people and have nothing interesting or valuable to contribute….maybe it make them feel that they are in better life situations….”oh i dont know and frankly i dont want to know” this is my motto….move on

First the silly confession: I put my sunglasses on when I am meant to be leaving a shopping mall, when I have bought one last thing and tell myself, it’s time to go! Slip the sunglasses on (even if its a little overcast, who can tell in a mall?) and like Pavlov’s dog, I make for the exit.

Not so silly confession: I tend to judge those who don’t appear to have taken ANY care with their appearance. It is so easy to dismiss them as lacking in some grace or another, when perhaps they were just having a particularly trying day, or on this day, their outsides reflect the listlessness of their insides, and for that. I should not judge.

Judgement of others without any in depth knowledge of that person usually turns out to be incorrect if you get to know them. When observing rudeness or unkindness to others it can be quite justified to judge the perpetrator as nasty person (though anyone on the edge of a nervous breakdown can be rude to strangers, without being necessarily and unkind person: I’ve had my ‘Falling Down” moments!)
However judgements about how somebody looks or their on style quirks is usually the most far off from the truth. I know some truly good and wise people who just really don’t care how they look at all!!!
And the girl who doesn’t eat. Hmm, I was that girl for a year when I was totally broke. Going out to eat with my rich acquaintances…it was a real quandary. Shall I blow my entire weekly food money on this overpriced cafe lunch? Or shall I say “I already ate”, order a tea, and face the all too obvious anorexia judgements…
Appearances can be deceiving.

Sorry for the double post. I thought it didn’t take and posted it 2x :(

….also, i kind of find it funny, stupid, when people talk down to others they feel are below them….i remember my dad saying, “we are all born same and we all die same” titles, titles people feel more important with their titles….i know it doesnt sound like i am making sense perhaps but these things piss me off too!!!! These people should learn how to live right way oe fuck-off

I will confess that I wear my sunglasses inside all too often! In the grocery store (you know those ugly buildings that take the place of a ‘market’ when you live in the suburbs!), a very few times into a cafe but only if it’s bright enough to permit them. The reason? My allergies!!! I have terrible allergies and often times my eyes get very red and irritated, I rub them, mascara runs, the world ends! So my excuse is really just a courtesy to those around me; I wear my sunglasses inside so as not to frighten young children (they are the future!) or the innocent passers-by. Don’t judge me, get me some eye drops!! ;)

I love the girl with the short hair in this illustration, its perfect! Thank you. Missed you at Scott’s talk last night in Boston, I secretly hoped to see you too. I was the old lady (37) with short hair amidst all the 20 year olds with their high buns, and I think I might have been the one being judged, but tant pis! Thanks to you and Scott for always bringing fashion to my life and keeping it alive in me.

Not at all! For starters, let’s be honest, I think that making judgments is just part of being a thinking person. To make none at all you’d have to be able to totally make your mind blank pretty much all the time. Where lots of people are harmful in making judgments is by ignoring others humanity. You know, they look at someone and don’t even get what could be motivating them to say dress outrageously and just scoff without any compassion. That’s bad. You so obviously have compassion. You’ve got nothing to worry about.

Me, I can be a little too harsh in my own judgments. Mostly, I judge people for being pretentious. Any form of pretentiousness irks me. I find myself wanting to challenge them, to knock them off their high horse and open their perspective.

Some of the things you’re talking about I don’t think are “judging.” It’s simply a matter of looking at a person, or a situation, and assessing what the parts of that picture mean to you. What a person is wearing, how he or she is behaving: Those are all part of how you define your own likes and dislikes, your behavior and your own attitude toward the world.

And I’m really glad you wrote what you did about how people treat your assistants. If I could say one thing to people in ANY field — maybe especially fashion — it’s this: Treat interns and lower-level associates well ALWAYS. Be courteous and appreciative when they do menial tasks for you. Don’t just snort as if you’re entitled. Don’t condescend to them. Be kind as they’re learning. Because as Garance says, any of these people could very well be your boss someday. (Unless you’re Anna Wintour. Then probably not. But still!) As a writer, I’ve worked with interns who have gone on to become editors at other publications, which puts them in a position to give me freelance work. (And they do.) Also, of course — why not just be nice on principle?

First of all, I looove your illustrations!, so beautiful!!! I happen to agree with you on all counts! My mom always says : you have to give people a chance, because every person have a story that you don’t know about , so don’t be too quick to judge! But I feel that even if someone have a bad day or going through something , it shouldn’t allow them to be mean and to treat people badly, just because. The thing I cannot stand is people treating other people badly, and then I don’t just judge, then I get in there and tell it like it is! I can judge people inside, but rarely do I talk about them out loud. Still sometimes I wish I wouldn’t judge at all. I know that everyone has a right to be whoever they want to be , even if I don’t agree with their choices. What I can do is to be true to myself, and treat people kindly and with a smile as much as possible :) I am a strong believer of Karma, what you do will come back to yourself!

I completely agree and fall victim as well to many of these judging/trying not to judge but can’t quite help it when these situations continue presenting themselves over and over again. Glasses inside is unbelievably annoying and rude in my opinion (unless of course you really do have an eye issue). And the girl dancing in Miami, I live in Miami and have seen these more times then I care to say and sadly your right, these girls will realize their mistake later but trying to convince them of that when they’re so drunk that they agree to dance half naked is almost impossible without starting a cat fight with them.
Love this post and am glad to see someone able to admit to judging as we all definitely do it. Admitting it is the first step to recovery!

I totally agree with you that in so many of these situations, it’s hard not to judge. I would add to #3 that I experience the same thing when faced with a friend or acquaintance who are in damaging and dangerous relationships. I’ve learned that I can’t get involved and that, after extending your support should he/she want to make a change and need help, I have to step away. It’s just to painful to witness, and too frustrating when she/he always comes to you for a shoulder to cry on, but then go right back to the same situation!

I love Good Gossip It’s Good Gossip when it’s factual, doesn’t hurt anyone, and is simply the facts that you wouldn’t get through regular channels of communication. Bad Gossip is when it is not 100% true, when it is twisted, and when it has very private and personal information (or is presented that way). That is just nasty. When I encounter Bad Gossip, it sounds juicy at first but then I stop and think: wow, what is this person’s motivation and why are they telling me this? Usually, they aren’t even a credible source and ALWAYS these types of people spend their time doing this instead of using their time to become successful themselves. These people lose friends quickly.

This is my favorite post of yours EVER. I applaud your bravery in bringing all these “judgements” to light. Each and every item on this list are classic afflictions in the world of fashion and in the world of women. And by bringing it up, you declare “it doesn’t have to be this way!” I’d have to reread your post with my deconstructionist goggles on, but it could be all of it, the anorexia, the mean speech, the hiding, is the result of a larger judgement that we still believe in: sexism. How to be in a woman’s world and not succumb to the judgement of the “male gaze.” Very very difficult. Thanks Garance. You are even more of an inspiration. I feel like I know you just a little better now.

Absolute! This is a very personal post for you to write, but I am so glad that you did! When I was living in New York, I had many of the same concerns with other women. But regretfully, I did not get upset and say something…maybe I should have. Except on one occasion when I witnessed a girl on W. Houston, who was clearly intoxicated in a seemingly dangerous situation with men, making a fool of herself. Definitely, these are times when I thought I was being overly sensitive, but they are real issues you have brought up because you feel concerned, as well as annoyed. I am especially happy to see you stand up for those you work closely with, some that may be younger than yourself. As a young women in the fashion industry, I have often questioned if I am in the wrong field by the unique “talking down of” and attitude by many people I have encountered in the industry. And unfortunately, I have not always had a superior willing to stick up for me in the way that you have displayed today. Brava!

Awww I feel like people who are on a team and not the ‘ring leader’ are more often then not looked down upon. It’s sad and frustrating. I’m glad you appreciate your team. And for those people wearing sunglasses indoors, I don’t get it either. My dad does it sometimes and I’m embarrassed wondering if he just forgot to take them off or if he thinks he’s cool (which could be the case with him). Either way- happy judge-free day!

No, Garance, some things are worthing bringing up and talking about-like poeple who loves gossips, i mean excessive and mean gossips. I often feel uncomfortable in such situation, specially that you can see they gossip about someone one minute and the next they smile and exchange kisses with the victim like they were their long lost friend… And the rest, I dont know, its something you dont like, not necessary a judgment. Bisous!

You are not judgmental. You are appropriate and kind. You are living the golden rule, a rare thing these days, especially in the fashion industry.

This is why we love you Garance: You are real—not a holier-than-thou pious person (that would make you boring and so not fun)—but a kind and grounded person. You are not afraid of being true to yourself. You know what you’re willing and not willing to compromise.

I love these kind of posts. I judge people who are obsessed with popularity and prioritize their relationships based on how they can benefit from them. These types of people often think that “being cool” is a matter of being snooty and rude—”too cool for school”—-and often have no individual style or daring and are so utterly boring as they live their lives as the proverbial conforming non-conformists. I flee from these scenes and people as well!

One of my least favorite thing is women who are overly judgemental towards other women – I feel like it’s really about their own insecurities. That being said I have thought about/judged/been disgusted by these points above more times than I can count!

Sunglasses – If you’re running into a coffee shop alone to grab a cup of coffee & running immediately out the door it’s one thing, but if you’re with someone, remove your sunglasses when you’re inside. And your hat. Sigh.

The girl who MUST be the center of attention & will do anything/everything to get it – Exhausting. I’ll probably never be able to stop myself from rolling my eyes at this one. Whether it’s dancing on the table, playing the “poor meeee” card 24/7, or baby voices – It’s revolting. Cut it out.

Gossip – Catching up on what’s going on in people’s lives & the social scene is one thing. Spreading false rumors, being malicious & harshly judging others are entirely different. I don’t appreciate it when someone thinks you want to be part of that – I make it clear quickly that I’m not interested. I think that wanting to discuss those things says a lot about someone…

I don’t like it either when people wear sunglasses inside (I understand only if they had recent eye surgery), and I completely dislike extreme gossip to the point where I am just leaving the group or I ask the person to stop. And talking down to people is just so ugly, a self confiddent person will never do that, in my opinion.

Regarding extreme gossip…have you noticed that sometimes this gossip is just a fat lie? To bury one’s enemies or even worse…friends!!

Regarding sunglasses inside, there could be a good excuse. As someone who suffers from migraines, I understand that sunglasses can help shield people from harsh florescent lighting that can instigate or aggravate a budding headache. One of my favorite musicians, Melody Gardot, wears sunglasses all the time because of a condition she developed after being hit by a car. In most cases, I agree, people are trying to be cool and mysterious but let’s withhold judgment for those who may just have a headache (or a hangover, or swollen allergy eyes). You’re so sweet Garance. <3

I think you’re being too harsh on yourself because most of the above are things that would disappoint any decent person. All of your points concerning a lack of respect for others whomever they may be, just show a lack of manners, those people should be pitied for their ignorance, either they were not taught any better or they chose to be plain rude to make up for their insecurities. Insecurity is the root of most if not all of these behaviours!
You are right about all these things and sadly they are evident everywhere. I just hope these people can be better educated in time.

I am a fashion designer – however when it comes to fashion – I try not to judge. I believe in whatever makes you feel your best! Who am I to say what you should feel good in? My goal is to create things that help you to feel confident. Some people may not like what I design, or wear, and I’m ok with that. That’s why there are thousands of brands to choose from! :)
However, I do have two rules that I believe everyone should follow:
1. Dress for your body type. Show off you’re best features!
2. Leggings are NOT pants. If they were a pant they would be found mixed in with other clothing on the sales floor, not in the lingerie or accessories section.

I completely agree with you.I could add to the list the ones who don’t know you or don’t even like you but ,in really annoying and fake, way wants to please you.But you,ofcourse,don’t want it.
Great text, as usual :)

I do my fair share of judging, often when I’m trying my very hardest not to, i.e. friends/family making decisions I deem unwise, but I can speak to the half-naked dancing judgement.

While I’m not sure the precise circumstances of the half-naked dancing you witnessed in Miami, I myself have OFTEN been the naked girl on the dance floor (and I mean fully nude at many times) and I can tell you from the core of my nudist soul it was never a device to get attention. And, now granted this was in college and I’m sure a very different scene than art parties in Miami, more often than not I’d be joined by other secret closet nudists and incite what came to be known as “naked dance parties”.

I know for a fact that these naked dance parties had profound positive effects on several of my friends and acquaintances. That being said, I also know that there were many moments when, due to the particular crowd at the party where we were all dancing nude, some people certainly passed judgement. I think their judgement probably had more to do with the fact that there were sometimes creepy guys taking pictures and so forth, but that kind of activity didn’t seem to impact my experience one way or the other, so why should I be judged for it?

There’s a great quote to go along with the “don’t talk down to people” point. I don’t remember it word for word, but you’ve probably heard it: don’t judge a person by how they treat their equals, but by how they treat those they consider their inferiors. And it’s so true! How does this person treat people when they don’t feel socially sanctioned to be nice?

And as for the gossip: Yeah! When I get over-the-top gossip or gossip from people I don’t really know, it really doesn’t make me trust that person. I kind of check them off my list of people to ever tell anything intensely personal to, ever.

well, i’m guilty of the sunglasses thing inside…but ONLY because I’m blind as a bat and they are PRESCRIPTION sunglasses! Not becasue I’m trying to look like a cool spy. ha ha.

i’m right there with you on the “i’m a martyr and i don’t eat and will make others feel bad for eating-” it’s a real pet peeve, and i feel like it makes other women around you crazy, doubt themselves and feel neurotic just by being in the presence of someone who does that. it’s not a no-eating competition, for crying out loud!? So…yeah, “fight or flight-” i choose to flee… just like you.

And i haaaaaaaaaaaaate when people talk down to others who are “below them.” I cannot even tolerate it when someone talks down to waiters that way, or the UPS guy, or the barista pouring your coffee, or the salesperson you just bought your jeans from or your hand lotion or rung up your prescription at the cash register or whatever else. I have a theory about people that do that: they have NEVER worked in a service-industry type job where people talked to THEM that way, ‘all-day-everyday’…or else they would never do it ;)

I think that for the most part these are things that really are bothersome to others and your judgement is only coming out of a good place. You care for the people with these bad habits. So, no, I don’t think you are being too judgmental. Being a bad kind of judgmental would be not being friends with a girl because you don’t like the shoes that she is wearing.

I think that you’re pretty much on target with the things that you judge…especially the gossip bit.

I’ve never understood people who were against ALL gossip. Being realistic, sharing stories is an amusing past-time, as long as they aren’t hurtful…there’s a fine line between something that’s funny “ha-ha” and something that’s funny “awkward”.

One of the things I judge unapologetically is grammar and word choice. Particularly when the language is someone’s mother tongue. We all make mistakes when it’s a second (or third) language – some of the stuff that comes flying out of my mouth en français is surely grammatically atrocious – but speaking or writing well is important if you want to be seen as professional and knowledgable. Don’t expect me to accept your use of “ain’t” during a meeting.

I have been guilty on several occasions of wearing my sunglasses inside…. But I can explain!

I wear (very cute, but nonetheless) prescription sunglasses. I never wear contacts. So sometimes when I’m out and about on a sunny day popping in and out of various places I get sick of making the switch (glasses, sunglasses, glasses back on, sunglasses again!) Instead I just leave the sunglasses on. I have actually made announcements at places like my local coffee shop: ‘sorry I’m not trying to be that person, these are prescription!’ because there are times when I feel ridiculous! (I would judge me if I didn’t know!) but sometimes the judgement of others isn’t as exausting as ‘the switch’.

I agree with everything on the list (I particularly love the ones about the collaborators and the dancing girl!). My addition to the list would be: combative vegetarians and vegans (particularly the latter). I really can’t help it. I think everyone judges, some people just like to be passive-aggressive about it.

Sunglasses inside: I think it’s rude when one is sitting across the table, but if it’s running into the market, or your Karl Lagerfeld, then that seems okay. You can see Mr. Lagerfeld do a little trip in the documentary “Valentino, The Last Emperor”. He trips on a stair inside Valentino’s 45th Anniversary Gala. I’m sure the sunglasses didn’t help.

Regarding judgement, and friends with really horrible problems, if they are your friends truly, the only thing you can do is try to help and if it doesn’t work, be ready to help when they need you, because they will. I really can not get away of my few good friends if they cannot hear me … I have to be there for them, whatever happens I have to be there to hold them, as they have for me….

able-bodied/able-minded people who put very little effort into making themselves better, & who also at the same time are quick to judge the risks/chances others take for the better.
These are the people whose favourite comment is “it cant be done” or “thats impossible to try”..JEEEZAZ…they.irritate. the eff. out. of. me….

I think that distrust/annoyance at people wearing shades indoors could be fundamental to human behavior. Take this research with a grain of salt indicating that people are less ethical in the dark and when wearing sunglasses, but it is interesting and may explain that gut reaction.http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,1969242,00.html

However, as the “energy saving light bulbs” get used more, I may join the ranks of those who wear sunglasses indoors. They KILL my eyes — like knives. They are horrible. Plus they are dirty energy, as if we didn’t have enough of that. Rant off :-)

I wear sunglasses inside (not all the time, but sometimes) because I have a few health conditions that make my eyes very sensitive to light (fibromyalgia, migraines, other eye problems). Not as likely: someone might be wearing sunglasses inside because they just had their eyes dilated at the ophthalmologist. You never know. I also agree with the security blanket thing; the eye problems I do have make me very self conscious of my eyes.

Statement clothes: some people are just wacky and it makes them happy to wear interesting things head to toe. I can’t knock that.

Those who don’t eat: eating disorders are super complicated; I don’t have one but I can imagine the misery it must bring.

Yes to being an ostrich when it comes to gossip! As for the dark glasses…I guess I have to admire the ability to wear them and not crash into everything in the room as I would (effectively eliminating my “sexy” persona…oh well!).

I think we all judge, often and too quickly. But how much do we try to understand? Why has gossip become such big business and overtaken the media? Why do people prefer to read gossip than to address the most challenging problems of our times, including hunger, poverty and global warming? What example would you hope is set in the fashion industry, which seems to be riddled with gossip, decadence and other toxic behavior. Your column has a sweet and lovely energy, and it is clear you would like to distance yourself from trashy or exhibitionistic behavior. You are trying to do that with wit and kindness–not easy in a very judgemental environment. We want to see, and we want to be seen. How we do both matters. And I would just like to add that I love your name, which makes me think of Arletty in Les Enfants du Paradis. It’s also a beautiful color. Merci! Rachel

It’s weird because i feel the same way about all of the things you said. I try not to judge when I see some girl going down the street in what I think is a over done outfit. It really bugs me to see that, But I think Well what if she wanted to look that way for a day? Or it’s just a amazing/crazy style that I could never wear and feel mentally right wearing. I wouldn’t say that your judging is over the top(: I feel the same way.

I have never felt compelled to comment until today. Your judgement of the girl who does not eat is very surprising as your NY lunch time girl group featured on once bemoaned eating during fashion week. You, as editor in chief, choose to leave that remark intact and re-play that moment for all of us. I love fashion. I love your illustrations and photography. I love what you bring to the table when you create these dialogues. But, have you considered your roll in women’s dietary habits? Please don’t think I am judging you either because we are only accountable for our actions as individuals. At the end of the day my choices are to be blamed on no one but myself. Yet what do your actions via really communicate to us, your devoted readers and the world at large? Despite your words being a little hard to stomach, I’m going to go make some pasta and digest this whole situation. xo

I must say I agree with French Fried here. I follow your blog and generally really appreciate the way you choose to present your subjects which is quite natural and spontaneous. But I rember very well this episode of pardon my french and I remember feeling a bit uncomfortable wathcing it. Of course fashion week must be a time where those girls want to look at their best in a uniformed way but still I can help feeling a bit sad, just the way you describe how you feel towards “the girl who does not eat”. But I’m not really judging because if I was at their places I might feel oblige to do the same as well, which doesn’t make it less sad at the end!

I love you a little bit more for these judgements. I make these same ones, but with all the fashion blogs I follow, I worry that perhaps the people I admire (like yourself) idolize these things. It’s nice to know that, at least in your case, that’s not true.

Have you experienced the sound of a woman’s glee at discussing someone else’s misfortunes or mistakes? You can almost hear the tongue sizzle. Some days, I really rather surf and find blogs where people are celebrating things, places and talents around the world. I feel I have more in common with the people commenting on your posts looking at the world out there then the ladies lunching stuck in their little heads back here. Who is with me?

I totally agree on the ‘talking down’ to people. This makes me so angry. It doesn’t matter who you are, or what position you hold in life, everyone deserves to be treated with respect (unless they behave otherwise of course…). Some of us are born with more privilege than others, it doesn’t make us better. If you’ve worked hard to get to a senior position in life respect the ‘little’ person trying to do the same. Above all ‘treat people how you wish to be treated yourself’. LOVE the illustration that accompanies this. xxx

I can’t stand the people who says they forgot to eat. How can you forget hunger? I mean, do you forget breathing? Peeing? I guess you can be hungry but still don’t have time to eat because you’re too busy working or whatever but you don’t forget to eat. You just can’t.
But what really annoys me are those who live perfectly comfortable in a house, have their job and their nice easy life and decide to leave and avoid all the comforts of modern life. And I’m not talking about leaving finances to set up a farm in a little village. I’m talking about those who decide not to have a bathroom or don’t vaccinate their children and leave to live in a tipi in the middle of nowhere. I know a couple of cases. That is a first world problem. There are thousands of people who live that way because they have no other choices and they dream about running water, health programs and a nice easy life. If you are lucky enough to have all those things, be respectful and thankful. It’s easy to play for a little while and then come back to you warm nice house.
See? I’m not judging ;-)

You are absolutely right about every single one of them! The one I would add is people who are too transparent…. trying to make their life seem more interesting than it actually is on Facebook for example.

Garance, I wear my sunglasses inside all the time. They are prescription, so if I take them off, I have to dig out my regular glasses, otherwise I wouldn’t be able to see. Sometimes it is just laziness, but sometimes I just don’t want to be like my Mom in the 80′s: she had these giant prescription sunglasses (“bug glasses” we called them) and when she came inside, she pulled out these equally giant bi-focals! She also listened to a big band station on am radio, which was, for some reason, embarrassing.. Of course, she was the coolest, but when you’re a teenager…..
Anyway, I didn’t realize how weird sunglasses inside were until my little daughter was eating lunch with sunglasses on and I thought it was so silly, til I realized I had them on too.

about the sunglasses ..
i always got annoyed by these people who wore them everywhere, everytime. Looked to me they so wanna be cool but look so silly. I especially had that feeling in the Paris underground … until i got my sunglasses with correction .. and in the summer as i would enter the metro and would take them off i would not see a damn thing and would then get on the wrong track/wrong direction. This is when i then saw myself keeping them on in the metro and started wondering .. does everybody who wears sunglasses in “not so bright” places also have view trouble ?? so i became a lot more indulgent .. :)

OK, here is a thing about the sunglasses inside. I do that often, and the reason is that I am shortsighted and I have ordered a perfect, gorgeous Ray Ban’s that, apart from protecting from sun also correct my sight, perfect for those summer days when I am to lazy to put my contacts.

So, if I wear them on the street and want to, for example, get into a shop, I will not do the whole “take them off-go through my purse – find my other par of glasses- put them on- pack the sunglasses” thing (to be repeated on the way out), I just keep them on and don’t care a bit what it might look to others:))))

the one who wears glasses inside:
i am guilty of doing this!!! when im hungover from a rough night i put on my glasses and get too lazy to take them off when im inside somewhere. literally just forget about it and wishing to be back in my own bed. haha

Salut Garance,
Sometimes it’s really hard not to judge. Especially in most of those situations you wrote about. The eating thing also makes me wanna take those women to have a serious talk. Generally when it comes down to women making themselves dependent on other’s (men’s) attention, it’s not easy to not judge.
And people that have no manners drive me crazy too.

I really love this piece Garance! My sister always tells me “today’s candidate maybe tomorrow’s client”. I love the simple truth in that, and you find it forces you to treat everyone with the same level of respect. I love that you still worry about the issues you have raised. I sometimes think perhaps I’m not “famous” for a reason as I truly suspect I might cease to think about anything of any substance and might become a bit of a “boob”. Being where you are in your career I think it’s great that you still ponder on these issues so ma belle think on! xx V

This occurred to me too. Many of the women featured and admired in your blog (and fashion publications of all kinds) can only be as thin as they are by eating very little – this seems to send a very mixed message about such thinness being considered beautiful, desirable and healthy. Some women are of course naturally thin and can be unfairly judged as having disordered eating when they don’t, but many women are adept at hiding eating disorders too for the sake of a body image they consider will make them valued. Photo-shopped thinness certainly doesn’t help, and widely promoted images of very thin beautiful women are particularly an issue for young women who try crazy diets to try to attain thinness which is impossible for the body type they are born with and risk their long-term health and fertility.
So it’s a complicated issue – women of all ages are sadly so often hard on each other – and it is really great that you frequently raise such important issues for discussion and promote self-acceptance and kindness to each other.

Great post! I agree on all but the first point brings me an special memory. When I was in the school one of my teachers always wore sunglasses. I was 10 years old and I swear that sometimes was really annoying. She had really blue eyes that I could only see when I asked her: Why are you wearing sunglasses in class? She took them off and said me…because of .. (pointing at her eyes with her finger). I remember that she didn’t like my naive question. It made me laugh so much your post because I remember this story!

I’m one of those who, sometimes, wear sunglasses inside. I don’t know why, sometimes I think that they kinda protect me from the world… But I just do it inside a bar, or a store, I would never do it during lunch or dinner. It’s not polite at all.
I hate people who talk down, or even don’t talk at all to people they consider “below” them. It happened to me, years ago. There was this woman, she was the niece of the chief and every time I met her she didn’t even say “hello”, but she told me a couple of time “Oh good morning, are not used to say hello to people you work with?”, but only when there was people around so they could think I wasn’t polite.

Wearing sunglasses inside: I can only speak for myself but I do this (not everywhere but just some places). Why? Because wearing the sunglasses makes me feel protected somehow. For those of us who are socially a little *awkward*, they can be the equivalent of wearing a big, safe overcoat.

I am guilty of keeping on my sunglasses indoors sometimes. I am extremely, EXTREMELY near-sighted. Plus, I have bifocals. I can’t see far without glasses, and I can’t read up close without glasses either. They are pop-bottle thick, and that’s with the thinnest, most high-tech lenses available. Sigh.
When I am outside, I like to wear my tinted bifocals to keep from squinting and getting even more wrinkles than I already have. When I go inside, I sometimes fumble to switch glasses, but sometimes, if I’m rushed, or have my hands full, or whatever, I just leave on my tinted bifocals. My “good” glasses are extremely cool, with handmade frames (if you are so dependent on glasses and wear them 100% of your waking moments, it’s worth having a really cool pair), and I am extremely careful about how I handle them. Rather than risk dropping them or bending the frames out of whack, I leave on the sunglasses until it’s safe to switch. I cannot put the tinted glasses on top of my head. I would walk into a wall. I need to see, and the tint doesn’t affect that much.
So….sorry but I’m not trying to hide behind my dark glasses! I’m just trying not to have an accident.

1) Wearing glasses inside: I’ve worked with people who’ve walked to the stage with sunglasses on (normally in pitch darkness) – rock stars! Oops, mind the steps! This is just a health & safety issue. You won’t look ‘cool’ in crutches and a cast.

2) Statement dress head-to-toe: there’s no account for taste, no matter how many labels/looks you got going on, it won’t matter if you can’t pull it off.

3) Girl dancing half naked: honey, there’s a two places for that sort of thing, the bedroom or a strip joint. Get a room and let the rest of us get on with drinking our cocktails in peace.

4) One who doesn’t eat: it’s a simple equation – you don’t eat, you die. Food is amazing, necessary and gratifying.

5) Talking down to your colleagues: can’t abide rudeness in any shape or form. Life’s far too short for rudeness!

6) Excessive gossips: boring and dangerous especially with strangers. As you say, there are social limits, therefore gossip wisely.

You are way to normal when it comes to judging people hahaha You’re just justifying yours! And don’t worry! Because:
1.People who wear glasses inside will probably have some sort of personality or self esteem problem. I remember someone told a friend once, “Why are you wearing those sunglasses? Don’t you love yourself? Didi you know that to love someone else first, you have to love yourself?”
2.Those who wear too many statement pieces probably have the same issue as the ones before, they want to call the attention but they’re not sure how and they do it the wrong way, or they just saw it somewhere and started doing it because they thought it was trendy and fashionable!
3.You probably started hating them because they used to call every boy’s attention but then with the years you’ve become more smart and “sisterly” and you realized that she doesn’t really know she could be love some other way and that what she’s doing is the opposite of being loved and that she probably really need it!
4.Maybe they are really not hungry! There are a lot of different metabolisms! My sister for example doesn’t eat in all day and when it gets to four or five pm she gets hungry and starts eating like crazy! And if it’s not like that maybe she has some issues she should fix, but those are probably very deep.
5. I’m sorry but those are assholes. And they probably have a inferiority issue. When they do they treat people like if they where less than they are because they feel or they know they are “inferior”. I remember I had a teacher once who had that problem and she would start treating as like hell because we found out later, she didn’t had a degree and she probably felt less than other teachers!
6.It’s okay to do some things, but anything you do without limits is not either good for yourself or for others. It’s like eating pie for example! Yes, you can have some pie, it’s fine, but if you eat a whole pie, you’ll probably have some stomachache later and even gain some wight!
Now not all of these examples are like that, there’s always a big exception, but by generalizing that’s what we get from them. That’s why I realized that to stop judging you have to stop generalizing and to start filling their shoes, see what’s probably going on in their lives.

I think these are very reasonable and natural judgments, Garance! You’re a very genuine and honest and open person, especially about your perceived flaws and insecurities. Of course people who aren’t genuine are going to confuse you, and people who can’t admit that they’re not comfortable in their own skin, or people who try too hard.

That said, I have a vision condition called palinopsia and it does help to wear sunglasses inside half the time. But since you acknowledged health conditions, we’re good! If I meet someone for the first time indoors I always take the glasses off to meet their eyes, and put them back on afterwards. If they look confused or ask, I explain quickly.

I’ll admit it, I am the girl that doesn’t eat, but how are you supposed to stay on a strict diet and socialize with your friends when all the meals at every restaurant have the same number of calories as your daily calorie allowance? I really do my best to hide it from people, I don’t really want them to take it personally that I don’t eat much and somehow believe that I think they eat too much or that they’re too fat (because honestly, I don’t, the problem is just with myself). I also don’t want to ruin my goals and overeat just because I’m worried that they’ll accuse me of having a problem. So, my options are either to eat very little when I get lunch with friends, or just not see them at all.

Well I agree with you on most of your judgements except for the first two.
sunglasses.. well what if I’m talking to a friend about something emotional and then i start balling, my eyes turn red and puffy AND I CANT really go anywhere to hide?!?!?! then i rather put on the sunglasses and be judged. OR if i have red eyes???? or my eyes are extra sensitive????

head to toe statement… ummm what about Anna Dello Russo? she’s always head to toe statement but never seems insecured?

the one who doesn’t eat… well can i tell you Garance!?!? WHO CARE… they miss out and more food for us.

1. People who absolutely must have their phone in their hand/in vision/strapped to their body at all times and feel obliged to keep glancing at it – in a restaurant, at home, in the street. Unless you’re Donald Trump, this is unnecessary
2. People who don’t work hard. Coasters. I care not whether they’re hugely talented or of genius stock, I just want them to work as hard as they can and have a desire to do well
3. Vain people. Those that would much rather be looking in a mirror than at you
4. People who want to be famous. And that’s it. Not famous FOR anything, just blindly famous

“I do have that feeling that we are all sisters and that we should watch out for eachother” omg you’re so sweet dear! i’m not sure that all girls feel the same, they would just watch that naked girl and gossip between them.
About sunnies indoor, it’s very suspicious for me, are they hiding something? a bruise? are they high? common!
and the one who doesn’t it! i was that girl many years before, and i wish someone would slapped my face and screamed to me “please stop hurting yourself”, instead, everybody celebrated my weight loss and my “commitment” :( i wish i could have a friend like you at those times, you’re a great person with a big heart!
Thanks for this article, it’s not easy to find something like this everyday :)

I have had to do the ‘sunglasses inside’ thing when I forget to take my regular glasses to the supermarket. I can’t see anything on the shelves unless I keep my prescription sunnies on! I felt very self-conscious about it, and when I ran into a friend and we stopped to chat I felt compelled to take them off so she could see my eyes properly (even though it meant I couldn’t see hers!)

I didn’t read all the comments so I don’t know if someone already mentioned this, but when I see someone with sunglasses on inside, I immediately think that they are high. If they were doing any common drug then their eyes are definitely going to show it. So when I see someone that’s what I think, so it doesn’t really fool me. Actually at my high school it’s almost become a kind of cool thing to wear sunglasses inside. Ah you’re so cool that you’re high at this sporting event, your sunglasses totally fool me. NOT. Maybe it’s just a kid thing. Maybe not

I can help with one of these. I wear prescription sunglasses and it’s kind of hard to adjust to no glasses when you’re inside even though I usually go without most of the time, because I’m getting to an age when I can’t read with them on and I draw the line at bifocals.

I tend not to notice this stuff, but as for the people who don’t eat in public — I know quite a number of women who have assorted health issues that make it really difficult to eat in restaurants, but if you live somewhere like New York, not going out to meals isn’t much of an option if you want a social life. Probably plenty of the women you see are just not behaving rationally about their meals, but it’s also possible they have medical stuff that they don’t want to be public about. Explaining that stuff often just acts an invitation for people to get up in your business, which is not always welcome.

When my thoughts go to judgment I try to catch myself to avoid saying something offensive or act in a way that is snobby or dismissive. I love the one you mention about “talking down” to those who are seen as being in a position of less power. Also, I think it’s cool that the “big sister” in you comes out for other girls ;)

So many interesting points. It’s innate to judge. I guess because we are biologically programmed to assess danger, eligibility, friendliness, etc. in other humans. I don’t know. Psychologists say that gossip is essential to social cohesion, but personally I try not to do it.

The one point I want to make about the not eating thing – and I don’t know if anyone has mentioned this – is that I had the same reaction to a couple of your Pardon My French videos. It sort of seemed as though you were consciously showing your friends in fashion eating to send the message that eating=good, but the half-finished salads and uneaten cake made me feel a bit as though it was a set up. At the end of one of the videos a couple of the girls were eating the tiniest, wee slices of some sort of a pink square, and I was thinking “it hardly seems worth the effort to eat such a micro-sliver!” I guess it made me wonder. I know that girls can be naturally very thin, but fashion is disproportionately populated with them. Maybe all of your friends in reality are healthy, enthusiastic eaters, but there was just something about the way that food was presented in those videos that left me feeling that an ambiguous message was being sent to the teenage girls who read your site. (And actually, a question for you – have you ever thought of doing illustrations of more full-bodied women? As far as I can recall, your women always fit the fashion stereotype, which I understand, but I kind of wonder if the best way to combat the problem in the average sense is to set an example for others. Anorexia, of course, is an extreme situation that requires medical attention.)

Anyhow…that’s MY judgement for the day. I hope you don’t take offense to it. I think you’re trying to do the right thing.

i understand what you say about sunglasses, and i try myself to remember to take them off when i enter somewhere, is just…such a light-break” for my eyes…
see, im a natural redhead, and even that my eyes are not clear but regular brown , i still cant take light right into my eyes; and sometimes, you walk into a place with huge windows and, i suffer. really. even in school, i had to keep myself away from the big windows, because light would hit directly the corner of my eyes as i would stare down the blackboard. so, sometimes i just forget i have them on, because the glare is so intense (out/inside) i grow totally used to and comfortable to the shine.less” vision behind my glasses.
or, im in a shop with humongous windows (and glare and reflection).
(on another note i ll tell you, one can totally get rid of all those kind of unproductive(?) thoughts. i was super judgemental as a kid, knowing no better, but i kind of learn i really dont care what other people do with their lifes (1°) as is not my place to tell anyone anything(2°). of course i can mingle in my family/friends/acquintances life, but thats it. i just acknowledge the thing and let it be.
“girl trying to make herself feel better, by dancing in skimpy clothes…..”maybe she had a hard break.up and its trying to get her groove” back” and gone. well, my opinion, and not the truth2 of the whole universe, bisous

I agree, but the problrm in judging is too easy…so we don’t even think about the wrong thing about it befor we do it. About the inside-sunglasses, I admit I’m one of those…and people that don’t know me usually think I’m the biggest snob (I know that from the people who got to know me better and told me what they thaught at first). I have an amazing Dries Van Noten sunglasses that I’m wearing for the past 2 years but I really wear them for me and not for anyone else…I just have prescription lenses (I can’t really see anything that is not really close) and I’m usually just too lazy to change to regular glasses all the time :) Or am I really just a snob?!

I completely judge those that wear glasses indoors, I more than judge! I call them douchebags, especially the type that wear them to look ~extra cool or good. Really?! Well today I went to Walgreens after I was released from the hospital; still under morphine.. I found myself to be THAT ASSHOLE. The lights were too intense for my eyes, and my eyes looked like hell! I was falling asleep on the waiting chairs by the pharmacy waiting for my prescription pills to be filled. Then I realized, it’s okay to wear them when you look like you just got out of the hospital or something and your face looks so horrible that you must hide.. Even from the light. I was that asshole today.
But most times, when the douchebags wear them indoors, you can just smell their ‘cool’ vibe. Or who knows, maybe they’re just high on weed?

I think when someone is not treating you or others with respect- whether by wearing glasses when they are talking to you inside, or talking down to people “beneath them” then you are allowed to judge them on their ‘bad’ behaviour. Of course if it’s just a one off and they’ve got a hangover then you forgive them! I don’t really agree with judging people for things that have nothing to do with you though- like dancing in front of guys. If that’s what she likes to do, and she’s not hurting anyone then (as hard as it is) I think you just have wish her well!

We live in a world of biases. Some take these biases one step too far and make themselves a victim of the pop culture. People who do things mentioned here all chase after something, they are most likely bullies in one way or another unconsciously, bullies who are very weak themselves and dare not believe they are of some value and are capable of making any positive change to the world, so they decide to put on a mask and shield before they go out. I don’t think you are judging at all; you are just saying the unspeakable truth, that being an older person doesn’t mean being a grown-up, that it’s not the end of world to have biases but it’s the refusal to see you have them which would hurt others and bring yourself down in the long run.

Ah, Garance! How we love your lighthearted candor & thoughtful musings… In the funny blog world where seriousness or overzealousness of one’s opinion can (and often does!) creep in, only you can so wonderfully weave subjects like the casual “I-don’t-know-you-very-well-and-yet-it’s-time-to-dish-the-dirt” gossiper and pair him/her with the shared experience of “what was I thinking wearing sunglasses inside & now I’m blind as a bat!” Your expression in all its forms is such a delight & inspiration. Cannot wait to see what you come up with next ;)

Oooohh I agree with all of these, especially half naked girls, and I have to add, too much make-up – we’re talking one who uses a palate knife to load it on. But most of all, I judge those who don’t say please and thank you. This gets on my nerves more than anything, and I instantly judge them as a big ol’ a-hole!

I was reading your post and it struck me very much in different ways. I think the question we should ask ourselves is, why do we judge? We all have thoughts that run through our minds. We make snap judgments because this is the speed in which we have chosen to live our daily lives nowadays. Do we really not have control or do we just not want to control our judgments and actions especially once we are aware of them? Particularly, judgments and speculation about other people’s life choices I feel are a slippery slope. It’s so easy just to form superficial judgments about someone like whether they are insecure, lazy, or stupid. But when you make a judgment about a person, what effort have you put in to understand that person? Are you making judgments to help them or to only feel better about yourself? What happens after you judge someone? Did it positively or negatively affect them or you?

But the fact is no one can speak for anybody but themselves. I think it’s very hard to not make a judgement just like how it’s hard to change your impression of someone, but it doesn’t mean that the impression is a real reflection of that person or their lives. I’ve found that the only way around to stop making as much judgments about other people’s lives is to realize that it’s not about you. It’s not about being “right” about someone and imposing your own ideals upon them. I feel like people have to not only inspect the individual but also society and its influences. For instance, the girl who is dancing around naked in front of those guys, what responsibility do those guys who watch her have to her? They did not have to watch her. They also enabled and perpetuated her behavior. Why don’t we judge mens’ behavior more harshly in that they probably only see girls as objects and treat them as such? Of course individuals need to be responsible for themselves but there is so much pressure for women to be everything that society wants them to be. Some things you just can’t directly control, or some changes take a long time, a lifetime. I think it’s hard to criticize a person and expect only them to change in an instant in regards to that type of behavior. I think the only way to understand others is only if we choose to want to understand.

I think it’s admirable of you to ask your readers this question about yourself when you don’t have to, especially when technically a lot of us don’t actually “know” you or interact with you and that I respect very much. Some people don’t care and they just live on the rest of their lives being ignorant. I think the older we get, the more responsibility we have to be aware of ourselves and our actions.

With this post, I am not surprised to hear you present these questions but I think today in particular it touches upon so many things beyond fashion in that they are real dilemmas about identity, life and process. And it is only with fearlessness that we can confront, question, and inevitably change our circumstances. I applaud your bravery to be very transparent, vulnerable, and most importantly, honest.

Hello Garance,
I think I do understand the phenomenon of your success. You are a talented and an extremly intelligent woman, and with a nice personality in addition ;). Your texts are easy, enterntaining, and most of the time very true. And the way you behave on Pardon My French makes most of the people want to get to know you better, to meet you in person and to laugh for joy. I was never interested in fashion, but now it seems so natural for me to notice design and designers. This last years with GaranceDore (and I started reading short time after you started writing this blog, even though I don’t speak french that well – I realise I don’t really remember, how I found you) made me a perfect auditory to fashion magazines, books about desing and cool, european cafes.
Kisses from a polish girl living in Bavaria ;)
Lucy

I think we all are or can be judgemental, it’s part of being human. Social anthropologists claim that labeling people is a natural human response to meeting new people, it’s part of how we organise our mental world. That being said, if you are aware of this, and try to not put too much emphasis on first impressions, but keep an open mind, it is possible to be less judgemental. The worst for me is people who gossip in a mean way AND at the same time lack introspection/self-perception… They are beyond redemption, I think…

The One Who Doesn’t Eat (Seen way too often) – this is a real issue as this One doesn’t understand the actual effect of not eating on both the metabolism and their ultimate weight/well-being. There is SO much misinformation out there about how to lose weight. Not eating is NOT a way to lose weight effectively. How do we, as women, get this message across?

well, we are social animals, so we judge and compare by nature. just mind where it matters. i more or less agree with most of the (moral) issues you raise, though i can think of worse things fashionwise than head-to-toe statements. i get really judgmental about the mindless and ubiquitous use of fur these days. it’s almost hard to find a parka that doesn’t have a fur trim (or down filling). you even see small kids wearing fur! really. all that fur…

The One Who Wears Glasses Inside – Maybe some bug has bitten his/her eyes.
The One Who’s All Dressed In Statement Clothes From Head To Toe – Its just fine. If that’s her fahion sense, why not!
The One Girl Who’s Dancing Half Naked In Front Of A Bunch Of Guys – How sweet of you Garance to think that we are all sisters and should look out for each other but at the same time Garance there are really alot of bitches out there. So better dont treat everybody like sisters.haha!
The One Who Doesn’t Eat – She needs medical help. No comment.
The Ones Who Talk Down To My Collaborators – This is bad. Life is like wheel so be fair.
The Ones That Gossip To The Extreme – I often hear someone telling me like..this is just between you and me and yet she tells the rest of the world the same thing. duh!

Garance, you are not too judgmental, you are Mother Teresa compared to the likes of me. I personally think that the lack of good old judgment from society makes a girl think that it is okay to dance half naked in front of a bunch of guys (and yes, probably, because of such attitude my fiancé keeps calling me dictator). It is not how much you judge it is how you deal with it and how you treat people that you judge. You do not go to above mentioned girl and say that fires of hell awaits the sinner, but you have to have principles and lead by example. Usually super-touchy-non-judgmentalists will judge you anyway. They will judge you that you judge.

The one thing I judge massively is people who are rude… there’s just no excuse! Whenever I am really stressed and accidentally rude to someone I always feel so bad and end up apologising… Manners cost nothing.

I sometimes wear my sunglasses inside when I am running around with errands, as they are prescription. But even then, I take them off when interacting with salespeople or otherwise having a conversation because some people are bothered.

My comment is that Judgement has both positive and negative sides. I know people use the word to define a negative concept, but, I think we judge everything we encounter–it is how we decide on eveything in this world. For all of the negative judgment situations listed here, my sense from reading your blog is that you have a billion more positive judgment situations!

I am with you on all the points!
One thing I got to say is that, I usually wear glasses (regular ones) but when I put lenses on I always take sunglasses with me and outside, sun or not, put them on.The First reason is that the light hurts my eyes, it’s not really-really bad pain, but still, very uncomfortable. I didn’t realize that usual glasses shade so much light but they actually do. The Second reason is that, without anything foreign on my face, I feel exposed, vulnerable. Plus being a somewhat shy person, and person who doesn’t like to share her personal feeling with the whole world I have a need to shield one of the most revealing parts of our body (if not THE most). And when I come inside I feel even more exposed, because there are more people that will actually look at you and definitely talk to you. I feel awkward with sunglasses on but that feeling is nothing in comparison with the feeling of being exposed, so I just say that the light hurts my eye and pretend not to notice that eye rolls or eyebrow raisings that I get when I turn my back. That’s the way I feel. I know it’s a bit… dramatic and there is no real basis for the fear but that’s just how I am.

WHAT IS UP with: people that try to be different on the inside out, to the extreme, WITHOUT IT NECESSARILY SUITING THEM OR MAKING SENSE, just for the sake of being called “different” or “artistic”. Just because you’re weird it doesn’t make you special. You’re just weird.

Its in our nature to judge, just don’t make the mistake of pre-judging. Which I think most people do than judge. Garance you seem to have enough information and actual experience for you to have the right to judge and I say that because i judge those same facts.

I am judgemental as well, often too much! But I try to remind myself to treat each person as though they were a friend of mine – would I judge them so much? how would I act? Would I like the fact that they are head to toe in statement peices? WOuld I think it was an eccentricity and love them for it?I think I would.

From my own experience with anorexia (16 yrs) I can say, if a girl’s not eating and she needs to be, it means she doesn’t love herself enough to want to keep herself alive. When I see it now, I try to realize how heartbroken she must be, and how we each have our own paths to growth. Then I appreciate my freedom to make a different choice…and order my dinner accordingly!

Like you, I hate gossip! I used to work at HR and that people knows eeeeeverything about personal lives, they talk all day about other people and that is very rude.
Also hate when people use sunglasses inside its very rude, they think they are cool but they don’t!!

The superiority complex is the world’s biggest enemy, and I think it is the cause of some of the points you mention. The worst thing ever, which should be judged, and harshly, is being rude or even offensive to anyone at all simply because they are not the boss. The reason one should not be rude, or offensive, or ignorant to someone is not because one day they might be in a more powerful social or professional position, it is because THEY ARE A HUMAN BEING, and we are all human beings, and not one of us has any right to impose our own stupid power structure onto anybody else.

Of course, as I hope we can all recognise, this behaviour is rooted in personal insecurity. So when somebody bitches about someone they don’t really know, to someone else they don’t really know, or ignores your assistant because they’re not ‘important’, or won’t eat anything when everyone else is wolfing down Croque Madames, or seems to be auditioning for Britain’s Next Top Stripper in front of a panel of pervy onlookers, it’s really only their problem. We just have to hope that one day they realise how much of a dick they’ve been to some people who are just other people, like them, and that they never inflict their own personal issues on anyone else ever again!

p.s. The sunglasses thing really doesn’t bother me, the environment-inappropiate fashion error that does bother me intensely is not wearing a coat in the freezing cold.

hey Garance, I am as well struggling to discipline myself not to judge people. it’s in human nature but as you say, we can be so wrong.

and I want to tell you a line from a book I’m reading now (F Scott Fitzgerald – The great Gatsby), which I found revealing indeed. it says like this: “any time you feel like criticizing someone, remember that not everyone had the advantages you enjoyed”.

Two things: the illustration…. ahhh… two looks I´ll reproduce in my wardrobe! Second, more than a lesson on judgement, I take it as a lesson of things we sometimes do without knowing how annoying they can be to others. Bottom-line: a lesson in behaviour! Go for it!

Rudeness is uncool. When someone can apologize for their actions…then it’s okay. Condescension is the child of insecurity as is judging other people. We’re humans living within a social system that from day one, has been throwing aesthetic/intellectual/moral content our way telling us how to feel about everything from soup to nuts. Judging and comparing has/is also an integral part of our social/educational system so it’s no wonder it naturally adapts to our thought process in any situation where we’re navigating unfamiliar territory.

That being said, being able to accept that and pick/choose your own beliefs is probably the hardest thing to do in a world as crazy as our own. But it’s key. Having an open mind is important not only for accepting the decisions of others and respecting them (even if you don’t agree with dancing naked in front of dudes), but recognizing that they’re just trying to make their way in this nutty place we call “real life.”

Think about it – beauty companies give us solutions for “issues” we didn’t realize we even had, fashion models its clothes on stick thin women, media/entertainment photoshop everything – this culture women have inherited is a malignant one giving them the language with which to express themselves. I don’t think you should take issue with them – you should take issue with the system. Chances are, if we inherited a world that treated women better, you wouldn’t be seeing those issues above. Except for the shades in the club trend…unless you’re Taio Cruz!

Very cute post.
Judgement of others without any in depth knowledge of that person usually turns out to be different if you get to know them. Observing rudeness or unkindness to others it can be quite justified to judge the perpetrator as nasty person (though anyone on the edge of a nervous breakdown can be rude to strangers, without being necessarily and unkind person: I’ve had my ‘Falling Down” moments!)
However judgements about how somebody looks or their style quirks is usually the most far off from the truth. I know some truly good and wise people who just really don’t care how they look.
And the girl who doesn’t eat. Hmm, I was that girl for a year when I was totally broke. Going out to eat with my rich acquaintances…it was a real quandary. Shall I blow my entire weekly food money on this overpriced cafe lunch. Or shall I say “I already ate”, order a tea, and face all the all to obvious anorexia judgements.
Appearances can be deceiving.

OK – I wear sunglasses inside all of the time! When I’ve forgotten my normal glasses at home or in the car (often! Really – a couple of times a month), I wind up walking into shops with my prescription shades on. I feel really really silly, but home is San Francisco, and I try to think “I love these sunglasses, and people can do whatever they want here!” and try not to let it worry me.

I think that there is a difference between judging a person based on their behaviour and simply not liking the behaviour. Just because someone has insecurities does not mean it is ok to take it on other people.. but I am not going to label someone I don’t know just because i do not agree with how they act or wear. I do however reserve the right to dislike it if I do! I agree with comemnt below that we are thinking creatures therfore we have opinions.. But it is good to remember there is thin line between having opinion on the mere action and thinking you have the person all figured out based on it.
ps as always great post!

Garance, you dear–I think the judgments you list here are totally fair!

The important thing, anyway, is that you’re aware and open to revising your judgments. The worst is when people say “I’m so not judgmental! I hate judgmental people!” and then boom, they’ve judged without even realizing, and they never get over it (or not without difficulty). Alas I think most people who talk about hating judgmentalism are indeed this way…

-m

PS. Think the correct idiom is “throw a ROBE on”–like to cover up a naked person–not a rope, haha! But that is a good image–like reining in an unruly horse or something :)

I judge all the time, it would be difficult to list them all, lol. But every judgement I make, I can think of an exception, and then I feel like a prat. Bottom line – the older I get, the more knowledgeable I am about the world and the people, and I tend to refine my judgement accordingly.
One thing that bugs me though, I can think of a hundred valid reasons why someone would be fat, or have awful oily hair, or missing teeth, or have ill-fitting clothes, but still, my initial gut reaction is to judge. That I would like to change.

Sunglasses inside: a person with bad cataracts has to wear sunglasses to protect their eyes. (Soon to be me.) Or, they could have forgotten their regular prescription glasses, but need glasses to see, and so end up having to wear their prescription sunglasses inside. (Happened to me.) Or, they just think they look better with their sunglasses on. (Me.) No one means to be rude.

i have seen douchy guys wearing sunglasses inside because they think it makes them look cool.it doesn’t.if it is an eye infection it’s a different issue altogether.as for the statement clothing it’s a matter of personal choice also you know,i like to keep that in mind and also try to think if they are wearing all of that just to show off or they are coming from a deliberate point of view to make a statement saying “i don’t give in to societal expectations of well dressed”..the eating disorder thing and girls with low self-esteem are serious issues and are somehow influenced by the patriarchal misogynistic ideals of the world, women have to be a certain way and we all feel the pressure to give in sometimes to look thin.right now i have 4 windows open about how to lose upper body weight for women!and i hate gossips who don’t know where to stop.

Garance, this is the first time I am commenting because suddenly I was so struck by the beauty of your heart; I just had to say something! It seems apparent to me that you have a heart for integrity and that you value respect, honour and love. That you experience distaste when someone doesn’t represent those to you I think reflects that you have a passion for goodness. You create a culture of respect and love around you when you hold high standards for people you know are capable of much more. Thank you for being a woman of high integrity and leading others into excellence through your example.

As for the sunglasses thing, yeah it seems weird to see people wearing them inside, at night, when it’s so dark! But it maybe be understandable for people who want to observe, and don’t want to be noticed what they’re observing. Also, I used to do it one time, because I don’t want people around me to see if I’m thinking (immersed at the whole thing) or who or what I’m observing…

For the italian song writer de Andre “glasses are like underwear ,cover our shames ” I think those who wears glasses inside have lots to cover And the one who wear fake degrees glasses is the worst because seems so empty to don’t have neither shames to cover…

My boyfriend looooooooves sunglasses and has a million pairs. He loves them so much that he often walks into stores and restaurants with them on and usually doesn’t take them off. If we’re having lunch somewhere, though, I have a threshold of time of say… five minutes. Once he goes beyond that without taking them off, I gently pull them off his face and let him know that it’s time to show him handsome, forgetful face.

I do sometimes keep my prescription sunglasses on inside a store or somewhere I know I’m only going to be for a few minutes, because it really is a hassle to take them off, put them in their case, take out my non -sunglasses, put them on and put the case away, just to do the same thing 3 minutes later after I did whatever I went inside to do. I literally can’t see clearly more than a few inches in front of my face, so I can’t just take them off and go about my business without putting on the other glasses.
I’ve also left them on when riding the subway to close my eyes and try to rest.
Also, prescription sunglasses (at least the kind I have) do not block out everything the way regular sunglasses do. After all, they’re to help me see!

While I wouldn’t wear them if I was going to be indoors for a long period of time and especially not if I’m having a conversation with someone, but some people have sensitive eyes, conditions (I know a woman with a thyroid condition who does this), and other reasons for keeping sunglasses on. So, in some cases it is really necessary.

I totally agree with the half naked girl judgement. It makes me so mad when I see girls dressed in next to nothing and acting that way. It’s not empowering. It’s not ‘taking the power back to the girls’, we’re going backwards! It makes me sad! :(

Brilliant illustrations – so apt!
Difficult not to judge and I agree with you that often one laughed about and judged others, only to find out later that one was completely wrong to do so! I used to judge others a lot when I was younger and I think it was insecurity (possibly even envy). A bit like finding fault in others so that I wouldn’t look too bad. Now (I’m 42) I hardly care – live and let live – most of the time. Nobody is perfect and least of all me – so who’s to judge?

No no you’re not being too judgemental at all ! I think you are the first person who’s ever admit this publicly on the internet and I am relieved (because I am just probably just about as ‘judgemental’ as you are)…

Me and my husband always joke when we see people indoors put their sunglasses on and say “is there a giant sun at the dome of printemps (or wherever…)?” nearby the person lol… One thing I could add to the list is “why girls wear tight clothes when their flabs are everywhere?” I mean there are lots of great outfit ideas out there for the slight muffin tops like myself… But why that bodycon dress?

I’ve been guilty of wearing sunglasses inside! And it s only because I’m only in whichever place for 5 mins and I’ve usually got 10 things in my hands that its actually a waste of time to take them off tuck them in somewhere then put them back on and leave! Don’t judge!!

I wear sunglasses inside sometimes, sometimes on the metro/tube/subway… in a situation with total strangers that I am not going to meet (metro), I feel more protected and anonymous, even if it might actually draw more attention. it’s not such a big deal, but anyone who wears sunglasses inside in a situation like a party (or other social event) I assume is either on drugs or doesn’t care about meeting people. for me it’s a sign that says “stay away from me” – which is sometimes freeing and sometimes annoying, right?

Ah, the sunglasses. I always worry that I am offending someone. And, living in London, it’s doubly odd. For me, it’s migraines and a sensitivity to light that can trigger one. Although I always try to take them off or at least apologize if I’m in conversation.

On the others, not eating, the sad public behavior… I’m sooooo with you!

Who cares if the girl is dancing naked. That’s her fun, not mine. And if it makes us roll our eyes and gasp, then so be it. She’s signing up for it. It’s just so hard to watch, is all.

And as for sunnies indoors and all that, I say if you think it’s lame so be it, again. We are allowed to have our opinions. I can’t stand women teetering around in 4 inch heels (also hard to watch and so overtly sexy that I think it’s not) but that’s just my opinion.

But here’s the thing. I don’t think those people are beneath me. I just think we all have our thing, our journey, our day.

And as for people who think they are above others, or feel entitled to share private lives. They are just a bunch of a**holes. Ditch them all.

I agree–it can be very hard to watch the girl who wants the attention for dancing half-naked, trying too hard, but she’ll figure it out someday on her own. Some people only learn from themselves.
The girl dressed in statement clothes head-to-toe isn’t my bag. Still, I say good for her, she has the money to buy what she wants to wear.

I also can’t stop myself staring at women in 6″ heels and worrying they will break a tooth, especially if they cannot walk in them smoothly or on uneven ground.

I think as I get older I care even less. I want to spend more time thinking about things I like, and that goes for spending time with those mean gossips who waste your precious time.

Most of these are not a problem for me, but I have other ones because psychology tells us that it helps us categorize and make sense of the world.

Fact (not judging!) = if someone is being a jerk to your collaborators they suck.

If you’re to judgemental, then so am I, ’cause I judge the same things you do! Exactly the same things! I have just always been told that it was because of my temper that I cared and noticed those things. I don’t know if you have a temper, but you really shouldn’t worry about being to judgemental, I surdently don’t think you are! :-)

I think you are right to be concerned about judging too much. People surprise you all the time. The person who looks like a walking fashion statement may not really be trying too hard- just trying to be themselves. People in the fashion industry are too judgmental and it really bothers me. What I love about fashion is that it allows everyone to express themselves in a unique way. What I hate about fashion is that they want everyone to be the same…

I think there is a very fine line to judging… and it is not easy to define.

However, I try as much as I can, to always gauge my feelings and plan of action if I respond very strongly upon seeing something.

Like you, I feel my gut wrenching when I see unseemly behaviour combined with degrading dress – or lack of it thereof (no need to define – we all have an idea what THAT is!) of the sisterhood… but it’s what follows our response that is most important.

If we
(1) want to rush to protect her up and show her she doesn’t have to act “that” way to get attention, that’s OK
(2) think to ourselves, “Oh my goodness, she is such a tart – such an embarrassment, ugh – how could she DO that”, then that’s not OK.

Wanting – or the intention – to act to help the situation after you see something – that is not judging; simply whinging about the situation is judging.

Acting – or not acting, as the situation sometimes demands – to help the situation, moves our response away from mere judgement.

A wise man once advised, “Act – don’t react”. I don’t know if this is helpful… but I find it helps me in some sticky situations!

As for the head-to-toe one-fashion-house statement look, I am not familiar enough with all the fashion houses to know every item that comes out of their collections… so when I see someone, I tend to take a second look at people because they really look so radiant and comfortable in their own skin – whether they are in T and jeans and sloppy, loved leather jacket from three separate eras and brands and combat boots from a fashion house or the local army surplus store… or they are dressed head-to-toe in an Yves St Laurent Le Smoking outfit, with shoes from his collection and lipstick from his cosmetic house.

Some people look nicest wearing things they bought from different places… other outfits look best when each item has come from the same place/brand/as-is off the runway.

Interestingly, someone who knows all the brands too much, can sometimes be less open to a look, when they know the items are all from the same fashion house.

For those of us not so familiar with the merchandise, the various items – from the same brand, or different brands, just looks like “a look” that either enhances the wearer… or not.

People with sunglasses inside – maybe they are just forgetful (like my mother!)… or they have cataracts or have had an eye-operation or are healing a prominent eye-injury.

The non-eaters in my life – except for the ones with coeliacs disease/severe allergies – tend to do so not for over-weight reasons – but because they are suffering from some disorder, unfortunately… so I completely avoid meeting them over mealtimes… we meet at the park or for a walk instead, as it puts both of us in a less emotionally stressful scenario.

The ones who talk down (to anyone) – I pull up immediately as firmly and calmly as possible (not always possible, with the rudeness that they spill out like an overflowing vial of toxic waste)… if they do it one more time, I severe connections immediately with the “down-talker” with a short handwritten note: “Thank you for your time, but it is best if we continue this at another time. I will contact you. Until then, I wish you all the best”.

I agree with every one of these. For the one dressed in statement clothes head to toe, I think there are two kinds of statement clothes:

1. All expensive designer or “it” items all the time, the person is insecure.

2. Someone who wants to say, I am rock and roll and that’s who I am. So they dress head to toe around that “statement”: too much rock jewelry, skull t-shirt, distressed jeans, big boots, leather jacket…etc. Although I love a good rock and roll look or whatever you are in to, do you think it is too much to wear all these items at once and all the time? It’s like if you wear a nice fitted suit and just leave just a touch of accessory with accent, people will “get” it. Right? What do you think? Especially when a guy does this I don’t know what to think.

About the sunglasses, I know some people that have sortsightedness and forget to take off the sun glasses and put on the real glasses when entering a room.
Maybe imagining this situation can help not judging people?