Mean Betty: Why On Earth Would Anyone Need a Dress Made of Black Diamonds?

Mean Betty: Why On Earth Would Anyone Need a Dress Made of Black Diamonds?

Mean Betty questions the necessity of “The Most Expensive Dress in the World.” Black diamonds? Really?!

-Mean Betty

Kittens, what’s the most expensive item of clothing or accessory you own? Is it that pair of jeans that set you back a bundle, but were totally worth it because they fit you like a glove? Or is it that one Kate Spade handbag you own that you took months to save up for? Maybe it’s that dress you splurged on for your best friend’s black tie wedding? Whatever it is, kittens, believe Meanie when she says that it’s got nothing on the dress pictured above!

British designerDebbie Wingham unveiled a dress last week which is now being hailed by the World Record Academy as “The Most Expensive Dress in the World.” What makes it so expensive? The gown is encrusted with 50 black diamonds of two carats each. That’s right, kittens: Kelly Osbourne’sridiculously expensive black diamond manicure just found its perfect mate. How joyous! Or, perhaps more accurately, how ridiculous!

Wingham unveiled the dress in the Ukranian city of Kiev. Models, socialites, glitterati, and (of course) journalists bore witness to the event at the Fairmont Grand Hotel Kyiv; no doubt it was an occasion to remember. What’s that, kittens? You want the facts? Very well: The dress weighs a gargantuan 29 pounds, and the aforementioned black diamonds adorn its basque—what most of us would refer to as a peplum (isn’t “peplum” such a delightful word?)—and its bolero along the shoulders. Beyond the black diamonds, it also features a fringe decorated with white diamonds set in white gold. Once all is said and done, its value weighs in at $5.7 million.

Don’t get Meanie wrong, kittens; she enjoys a little bit of luxury as much as the next girl (there is definitely something to be said for a little bit of pampering and a good martini!). But is Meanie alone in thinking that this dress is… just a bit much? Wingham calls it “an anthem for a beautiful woman who loves life,” but simply put, Meanie cannot understand why. Since when do women need dresses made of black diamonds to feel beautiful and to demonstrate their love of life?

To be fair, Wingham did note that “the creation of this dress is not some commercial project.” Thank goodness! She continued, “This is simply a stepping stone to my new collection of jeans, which will also be decorated with diamonds.”

…Oh. Curses. For a moment there, Meanie felt a little better knowing that the dress was intended as something more akin to a piece of art than an article of clothing. Alas, it appears that this is not so, for lo, pairs of jeans covered in unnecessary wealth will soon descend upon the earth. Run, kittens! Save yourselves before you, too, fall prey to the trappings of severe excess! Could we already be well on our way to the level of extravagance that so plagues the world of The Hunger Games (yes, kittens, Meanie is a closet Hunger Games fan. Shhhh—no one must know!)?

But as silly as the comparison may seem, even the butler agrees that it is an apt one. The amount of excess embodied by Wingham’s dress and planned denim line is on par with that seen in Panem’s Capitol. Take, for instance, the party dear Katniss attends in the second book in the series, Catching Fire. Does anyone really need to stuff themselves to bursting, then drink something that makes them vomit up the entire contents of their stomach, then repeat the process in order to meet the body’s nutritional demands? Most certainly not. The same might be said of this dress: Does a dress really need to be made out of black diamonds in order to fulfill its function as clothing? Does it even need them to adorn it in order to fulfill its function as art? Again, the answer to both questions is no. Black diamonds will not keep one warm, and there are plenty of less extravagant items one might use to embellish it for artistic purposes.

One thing is for sure, kittens: We must be careful, or else we might soon find ourselves living in a dystopian post-apocalypse. And goodness knows, we wouldn’t want THAT, now, would we?