Friday, August 21, 2009

Park and Fly

USAPark.net is the greatest park and fly ever. They give you a newspaper and water when you pull in, they come to your car and pick you up in their happy little van with it’s happy little driver (who makes small talk with you all the way to your gate), and then are right on time to pick you back up when you get home. It’s so much more pleasant than the Flyaway.So this morning I get there at 4:30am. The happy little driver picks me up right after an older couple. It’s clear that the woman already on the bus has a neurological disorder because she is jerking and shaking every few seconds, and cooing like a pigeon.Then two more couples get on, probably in their 60s. They are jovial and chatty.“Great morning for a plane ride, huh young lady?” the woman says to me. I smile because it’s 4:30am and I don’t talk at 4:30am. The older lady coos.Then another couple, also in their 60, pile in to fill the van. And then, the conversation that followed made me WISH someone else was there with me. Writing it down doesn’t do it justice, but I’ll try. I made up names for my own pleasure. Keep in mind, these people don’t know each other. Oh, it made me so happy.(Uproarious Laughter)Henry: GOOD MORNING everyone!Belinda: Well, you’re in a great mood, sir.Henry: Oh yeah!Bob: Me too! I’m always happy. Happy, happy, happy!Ethel: Coo.Belinda: It’s true, he’s always happy.Bob: Happy, happy, happy!Henry: I bet that’s why you haven’t shot him yet.(Uproarious Laughter)Hazel: Oh great, Hen, looks like you’ve got an audience this morning.Belinda: Where are you two off to?Henry: Off to Saaaan FraaanCisco!Everyone: Oooo!Ethel: Coo.Hazel: Going to see the kids.Belinda: Oh my kids are in Connecticut.Henry: You know, I always say when you move away from your kids, just don’t leave a forwarding address.(Uproarious Laughter)Hazel: Oh that’s an old one, Henry.Bob: Still a good one!Ethel: Coo.Belinda: We’re going to my brother’s place in Seattle. My neighbors here have never been.Martha: Yeah, it’s our first time.Belinda: We almost didn’t make the flight. My neighbor Arthur here was in the hospital this week.Hazel: Oh my.Arthur: Just my heart. Just my heart.Martha: Oh sure, no big deal dear, just his heart!Ethel: Coo.Bob: I was in the hospital last week, too.Henry: But you’re still so happy, right?!Bob: Happy, happy, happy!(Uproarious Laughter)Arthur: I tell you, getting old is not for the faint of heart.Everyone: No, no it isn’t.Henry: I was in the hospital for a rotator cuff last week.Bob: Golden years, right?Hazel: Yeah. These are our Golden Years.Henry: Yeah, golden for our doctors, right?Belinda: Oooh, yes.Bob: Isn’t that the truth?Hazel: That’s right.Martha: And it’s true…(Everyone shakes their heads as if to say, "Such a shame.")Ethel: Coo.Belinda: These hospitals treat us like we’re all used up.Martha: It’s a crime.Henry: Well, as long as we’re all still traveling!Hazel: That’s right.Bob: If we’re travelin’ we’re happy! Happy, happy, happy!(Uproarious Laughter)