Mostly Straight: Sexual Fluidity Among Men, Williams’ piece, isn’t the first to attempt to dislodge the gay-bi-straight triad of available male sexual orientation options and hopefully, it won’t be the last. There’s a lot of work to be done for guys to find the sweet spot of framing the sexual attraction discussion.

Savin-Williams, professor emeritus in the Department of Human Development at Cornell, conducted a “Friends and Lovers” study in 2008-2009 among a group of 160 volunteer males. Volunteers for the survey averaged 20 years old, completed a written survey and participated in an interview. A number of these volunteers’ stories are among the stories of 40 young men who make up the mosaic of male sexual attraction that Savin-Williams creates for us in Mostly Straight.

What Is Mostly Straight?

Less about mostly straight and more about the places in male sexual attraction toward other males, the discussion is where in these young men subjects’ sexual orientation are they not straight. The author quotes a government poll citing 6 percent of 18 to 24-year-old men selecting “mostly opposite sex” as their sexual attraction. Of significance here is the attraction which falls outside of “mostly.” You truly can’t nail the definition in Savin-Williams’ book as what mostly straight means to young men absolutely depends on who you’re talking to.

“…straight with a dash of gayness. But how much gayness? Not much — a relatively small percentage, say around 5 percent to 10 percent…” Likely of grave concern to bisexual folks, “… for them bisexual, even if it is understood as ‘bisexual-leaning straight,’ is too gay to accurately describe their identity.” Bisexual individuals often don’t see orientation as a 50/50 split between gay and straight, rather preferring to place themselves anywhere on the Kinsey scale between gay and straight yet identify as bisexual.

Mostly Straight Research

Savin-Williams’ study is not a random sampling, but a group of local volunteers willing to participate in both written and in-person interviewing about their sexual history, feelings and behavior. The author lets us into much of the detail of the interviews. Obviously the study won’t account for the stories and behaviors of people who are not willing to talk about their sexuality in frank terms. Readers should remember that this book represents the experience of these men who participated and is not representative of a much larger group of men. Of particular interest is perusal of the book’s appendices to bring greater clarity to the actual scope of the work and how the author constructed his arguments over time.

Male Sexual Attraction: Narrow Categories Needing Wider Margins

While readers may get the impression that Savin-Williams is attempting to bust the categories of male sexual attraction, he unfortunately winds up creating several new categories which are at best confusing. The idea of mostly straight is intriguing, but in the interviews we find that it doesn’t work in every case. Additional terms like primarily straight, straightish and others present especially when we distinguish sex from romance in the conversation.

In wrestling with the idea of a spectrum the author muses, “If we acknowledge the reality of mostly straightness, this explodes the myth of sexual categories.” Indeed it does, and if it does, in true fluidity there is no spectrum of sexual orientation, no continuum on which to place male sexuality and there are no categories of male sexual attraction. It’s in this discussion that the author missed it as he didn’t abandon the gay – bi – straight benchmarks for a more fluid discussion.

But Sexual Attraction Is All About Story

If it’s stories about male sexual attraction that you want, Savin-Williams delivers. Mostly Straight is full of quotes gleaned from dozens of interviews with young men ready to reveal all about their sexual histories. Certainly, any male reader will find himself at least once if not several times among the pages of Mostly Straight.

A dominant story is that of Dillon, a college hockey player, and a focal point for the author. Dillon’s story spans over at least five years and multiple interviews and resurfaces several places in the book. A look back at Savin-Williams’ work, and Dillon’s story appears much the same in 2012.

A Mostly Straight Cliffhanger

Some readers may be disappointed to discover the stories are all those of young men and don’t reflect the flexing sexual attraction men discover with age, experience and self discovery. It is one of the limitations of the study. Few examples involve more than two years tracking of the volunteer’s sexual development over the course of the study. We suspect that youth brings with it significant formative qualities to our sexual attraction, but we still don’t know about male sexual fluidity across a lifetime. Is a man mostly straight as a youth still mostly straight in his 60s and 70s? We’ll have to wait to find out.

About The Author

Ritch Savin-Williams is a professor emeritus at Cornell University department of Human Development. Ritch has written several other books, among them, Becoming Who I Am: Young Men on Being Gay (Harvard University Press, 2016) and The New Gay Teenager (Harvard University Press, 2005).

Mostly Straight: Sexual Fluidity Among Men

Hardcover, 256 pages

Published November 13, 2017 byHarvard University Press
ISBN 067497638X

David Ley’s Ethical Porn for Dicks: A Man’s Guide to Responsible Viewing Pleasure is finally here. Guys who love porn and guys who struggle with their relationship with porn will find Ethical Porn a welcome addition to their personal sexual growth library.

What You Need To Know First

There are a few things you should know about David Ley first. “The ideas of porn and sex addiction are pop psychology concepts that seem to make sense, but have no legitimate scientific basis,” an opening line from Dr. Ley’s Psychology Today article “Porn Is Not The Problem, You Are” bluntly summarizing his position on porn addiction. He’s not popular in the psychology world for this position presumably because it’s not lucrative. Think of it — a psychologist telling you that you’re not addicted? Frankly, this alone made me want to read his book.

Secondly, you should know that Dr. Ley litters his prose with stray f-bombs and other such natural language as average guys use. Not exactly locker room fare, but frankness is king and the book wasn’t written for David Ley’s colleagues. It was written for guys.

Finally, you should know that the book is written from a combination of perspectives. The first is from the “experience of a psychologist, a therapist, and a scientist, who has studied, treated, written about and spoken/debated about porn use.” But also, and maybe more comforting is Dr. Ley’s perspective “…from the experience of a man, who, like most, has had porn as a part of my sexuality throughout most of my life.” His goal in writing this book was to integrate those two views. Both views come through clearly in both example and tone.

David Ley likes porn.

Porn in History and Culture

Ethical Porn for Dicks places porn squarely in the context of history and culture. While I’ve encountered some interesting articles eluding to porn’s influence on things like technology, economy and media, David Ley does a great job of dropping the information once again and saying, Hey, it is what it is and it’s not really bad! Frankly, I tire of the old line of whining, “When I was a kid we had to use our imaginations about sex, nowadays porn doesn’t leave anything to the imagination!”

Maybe not. Thank God. My imagination’s still intact. Ethical Porn helps guides us through this what I consider very natural cultural pornographic progression.

It’s common for guys to struggle with confidence in discussing porn once a relationship becomes significant. Porn brings an element of threat to the relationship because of it’s stigma and our lack of skill in discussing it. Dr. Ley devotes a significant amount of pages to guiding readers to competence in porn literacy.

But relationship is also more than just talking about sex. There’s the part where you actually have sex. Or, in the case of a lot of porn viewers, porn sometimes becomes preferable to sex. Yeah, David Ley talks about that, too. And, he covers those tricky issues about things like whether to send those “better than porn” pix of your dick to those you love. And the list goes on.

Nine out of ten times the reader is going to be wrestling with nagging guilt surrounding porn and issues of faith or religion. Clearly, David Ley is no Bible scholar and frankly carries very little clerical weight. However, he does raise some compelling discussion on religion and porn within a larger ethical context focusing on social justice and personal relationship. David calls on his readers to examine where porn use “…stands in the context of who you are, how you treat others, and yourself.”

Porn and Sexual Health

Dr. Ley kicks another hornets’ nest discussing porn and masturbation as well as porn and having “real sex”. He’s tangled with the No-FAP movement before but here he slams it without even mentioning it. Is penis-in-vagina sex better than jerking to porn? You’ll have to read Ethical Porn to find out.

And Then There’s The Ethical Part of Ethical Porn

Questions of NSFW surfing as well as what kind of porn blatantly violates the law. Dr. Ley provides practical advice as to what to do if something with porn goes terribly wrong.

David Ley makes the valid point that you really can’t tell fair trade coffee from the other stuff. Is porn the same? Just because a porn performer is gagged, are they doing it by choice? You can enjoy porn and work to enjoy material that is ethical, respects performers, defends their rights and livelihoods as well as supports an amateur portion of the industry.

Ethical Porn For Dicks also includes a very comprehensive and annotated list of resources and researchers so that you can do your own research into pornography, the industry and the ethics.

But it. Buy it, now.

About The Author

David J. Ley, Ph.D. is a clinical psychologist and he directs an addiction recovery clinic in Albuquerque, NM. Dr. Ley is most recently known for his position opposing sex and porn addiction as a diagnosis revealed in his book, The Myth of Sex Addiction (2012) and his appearances with Anderson Cooper, Dr. Phil and Katie Couric.

Ethical Porn for Dicks: A Man’s Guide to Responsible Viewing Pleasure

]]>https://www.orgasmicguy.com/ethical-porn-for-dicks/feed/0Still Don’t Know The Secret of Fleshlight? It’s In The Advanced Techniqueshttps://www.orgasmicguy.com/still-dont-know-the-secret-of-fleshlight-its-in-the-advanced-techniques/
https://www.orgasmicguy.com/still-dont-know-the-secret-of-fleshlight-its-in-the-advanced-techniques/#commentsWed, 20 Sep 2017 15:21:42 +0000http://www.orgasmicguy.com/?p=1288The post Still Don’t Know The Secret of Fleshlight? It’s In The Advanced Techniques appeared first on Orgasmic Guy.
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While most of us love the purist vegan-like pleasure of five fingers to masturbate, it’s always a pleasure to succumb to an enchanting tryst with an amazing male masturbation toy. I’ve found no better partner to romp with in a solo sexual soiree than Fleshlight.

7 Advanced Fleshlight Techniques

The magic of a male masturbation toy isn’t profound, but it may have eluded you. While guys cultivate a trusting and compelling relationship with their hand, a masturbation toy brings with it an exciting and often surprising quality of a sexual “other” — a fabricated fuck buddy if you will.

A masturbatory relationship with your hand, while swell, consistently leaves you fulfilling both roles of a sex adventure processing sensual feedback at the ends of your fingers as well as your dick.

A masturbation toy like Fleshlight on the other hand lets you invite your “other” to sexual frolic and still play solo leaving the pleasure only in your dick.

Meet Your Solo Sex Partner

This fuck buddy is a traditional model. The basics and essentials of your toys aren’t obscured by extras which allows you to create sensual scenarios on the fly. Sex fun is most fun when you play with your imagination.

This Fleshlight has a black case with a pink lady orifice and Wonder Wave insert. You can get all sorts of openings: vulvas, anuses, neutral and precision forms of your favorite porn stars. There is also a variety of insert textures and tightnesses. You can also get the Fleshjack version with nice male-male play features. For sure something for everyone. Which model you select doesn’t impact these advanced masturbation techniques. All the models are great. Pick one that intrigues you. You can’t go wrong. See the link below to do your own shopping.

#1 Foreplay with Water and Lube

With the only exception of your hand, all sex partners require a little time to prepare to play and Fleshlight benefits from a little foreplay as well.

While silicone lube is nice for non-silicone toys, you should only use water-based lube with a Fleshlight. I like Water Slide by Earthly Body. It’s a water-based lube with carrageenan to extend it’s slippery life. And it does. In a Fleshlight, Water Slide lube lasts and lasts. They also add no phthalates or parabens — an important feature for male sexual health.

Fleshlight undresses by removing the large cover of the “flashlight” unit revealing the seductive entrance of the insert waiting for your cock. The insert is made of a patented Superskin material. It’s surprisingly squishy unlike other silicone and jelly masturbation materials. Remove the insert and run a little warm water through it to freshen it and warm it ensuring a cozy welcome. Pop the insert back into the case and apply some water-based lube to the orifice as well as your penis. Lube seems to flow throughout the Fleshlight with the first few strokes so don’t worry about getting it all the way down the canal. Also open the small end of the Fleshlight a half turn or so to relieve the vacuum until you’re ready for it later.

TIP: As you play with any of these techniques, you can add a few drops of water or lube to achieve the slickness you like best.

#2 Flaccid Entry

Is a hard dick a prerequisite for Fleshlight masturbation toy play? Nay! Sadly, many aspiring masturbators erroneously assume an essential erection. Toy play with a flaccid cock is fantastically fun. Hence, you should experiment to see how easy it is to enter with your own soft cock. With all the Fleshlight excitement, it can obviously be difficult at first to produce a soft cock for the trial, but with a little concentration, you’ll succeed.

One caveat: Sufficient lube is important for flaccid penis play. See technique #1.

Fleshlight presents a challenge to any soft cock upon first attempt. With copious amounts of lube all over the Fleshlight orifice— first your penis and then your fingers — your attempts to stuff your elusive cock into the now beckoning orifice will result in no small amount of giggling. Once, though, you get enough of your cock inside the orifice, you simply pull the entire unit toward you and against your pubic bone. You will feel your penis slip past the tight entrance and into the Fleshlight canal.

The initial sensation is of the Fleshlight pulling your penis inside and the warmth and embrace on your member. You’ll wait a few moments and enjoy the sensation on your soft cock. Surprisingly, you can stroke a soft cock with the Fleshlight. Simply tug on Fleshlight enough to stretch your cock a bit, but without pulling your cock out of the orifice. Then pull the unit tight against your pubic bone and you’ll feel the Fleshlight suck your cock fully back inside. It’s nice.

#3 Advanced Stroking Techniques

If fast and furious is your stroking style, this advanced technique will acquaint you with the finer, more sophisticated qualities which Fleshlight masturbation affords.

First, slow down. Tease only the head of your penis circling the Fleshlight as if it were a joystick.

Withdraw your penis altogether for a minute or two to allow sensations to recharge. Once you enter again, your revived cock will send it’s thanks.

Finally, enter deep. Pull the Fleshlight against your pubic bone tight and slowly grind it. Feel the sensations at the end of your dick as you probe deep. This is subtle, but this alone, is almost worth everything.

Adjust the small end to control suction. With the end closed tight, you’ll feel maximum suction giving you a tighter feel on your penis and more tug. Open the end a little and your glide will loosen giving you less tug and more ease of movement. Experiment!

#4 Hands-free Thrusting

Inventive minds dream up stuff like this when a dick longs to be poked somewhere — a sandwich bag beneath the couch cushion or vegetable or piece of fruit. Fleshlight, though, is genius when it comes to hands-free thrusting.

And guy hips love to thrust.

Be warned. Hands-free thrusting will drop you perilously close to coming. Stop and rest, if you’re not ready to come.

Find any household crevice or place where you can wedge your fleshlight at dick height. Between the couch cushions if you want to thrust on your knees or between mattress and box spring. Or you can hold the unit down with your hands on a table or some such surface and stand and thrust. Stick your Fleshlight in a shoe or slipper — placed at the right height, it’s a nice angle for thrusting.

Fleshlight is solid enough to stay where you wedge it and you sate your urge to thrust your dick with your hips.

#5 Humping

Yes, humping is different from thrusting because you’re face down. Pillows aren’t just for heads anymore. They’re awesome Fleshlight holders. Fashion a hump using two or three pillows and lodge your Fleshlight between. Now, drape your body over the hump you built and expertly guide your dick into your Fleshlight. The first time, you’ll likely adjust thickness, number and configuration of your pillows so that your hips are comfortable and your dick enters at a comfortable angle. Try it a few times — you’ll get it.

There’s no limit to the number of variations to this technique, but here are three:

Position your pillows, Fleshlight and body so that you can lay on your side and enter. It’s a great position for longer sessions as you’re not aroused so intensely. And you can get a much easier view of the action.

You’ll need small or squishier pillows. Pull your knees up under you so you’re face down and thrusting into your Fleshlight on your knees. This is a very intense position — use long slow breaths to control your ejaculation and extend your play.

Remove the insert from the case and set the case aside. Place only the insert between pillows (you may want to wrap it in a towel to protect your pillows from lube or semen). You’ll quickly discover that playing only with the insert is a wildly different experience altogether.

#6 Edging with Fleshlight

If you’re not already an edger, you might want to set a timer. For example, don’t come before the timer goes off at 30 minutes. If you edge, you’ll discover all kinds of sensations and crazy ways of edging with Fleshlight. You’ll discover staying power you never knew you had. You’ll discover the absolute wonder of your insanely aroused dick staying absolutely still inside. I hope you do. I really hope you do.

#7 Special Hacks

I already mentioned one hack in Advanced Technique #5 — removing the insert. Take the case off of your Fleshlight and set it aside and stroke only with the insert. It’s a technique you’ll definitely want to try.

Get a rubber or nitrile cock ring — just the thin, black kind. They often come in a set of three sizes. Use the largest one. Slip it into the groove at the orifice end of your insert. Now, your penis will enjoy a very snug entry. As you enter deep, the cock ring will grip the base of your penis as you probe the depths of your Fleshlight with the tip of your penis. Quite a ride.

Your Ideas

Stroking your dick with a classic Fleshlight is likely what every guy imagines and probably what every Fleshlight owner does. You, however, are now armed with enough Advanced Techniques to enjoy your masturbation toy for years and spark innumerable ideas of your own.

]]>https://www.orgasmicguy.com/still-dont-know-the-secret-of-fleshlight-its-in-the-advanced-techniques/feed/1Why Your Partner Freaks About Your Porn And How To Tell Them Why You Love Ithttps://www.orgasmicguy.com/why-your-partner-freaks-about-your-porn-and-how-to-tell-them-why-you-love-it/
https://www.orgasmicguy.com/why-your-partner-freaks-about-your-porn-and-how-to-tell-them-why-you-love-it/#respondThu, 31 Aug 2017 10:00:32 +0000http://www.orgasmicguy.com/?p=1893The post Why Your Partner Freaks About Your Porn And How To Tell Them Why You Love It appeared first on Orgasmic Guy.
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If porn is such a first string player in our economy and culture, why do our partners freak when it shows up as important in our sexual pleasure?

It’s not difficult to understand because we impose a social distinction between the sex life we imagine we should have and the sex life we really enjoy. That social distinction grows to a chasm when we allow sex partners to believe things about our personal sex life that are not true.

It’s easy to see why your sex partner freaks when learning about your pornography practice because you allowed them to make a number of assumptions. It’s not entirely your fault that this happened. We’re all conditioned to look through our fingers this way and not only sexually deceive important people in our lives but set ourselves up for potentially explosive encounters when the truth about our porn is discovered.

Why Your Partner Freaks About Your Porn

Here are three of the most common assumptions you may have allowed your sex partner to believe about your love of pornography.

FIRST ASSUMPTION ABOUT YOUR PORN

You view porn because I’m not sexually adequate for you.

“No, Baby, you’re all I ever wanted! You complete me!”

This assumption is likely true because there is a bizarre notion in the west that a sexual partner in a long-term relationship or marriage should meet all of their partner’s sexual and erotic needs and desires.

Here are a few common beliefs people have about sexual relationships:

They should fill the shape of their partner’s sexual imagination.

They are the sole reality of your fantasy.

Now that they have one amazing naked body in their life, they will have no interest in the image of other bodies.

Your sexual imagination and fantasy is all about them.

A long-term relationship reduces erotic interest to a level easily manageable by a single partner.

If you have difficulty visualizing these points in you and your partner’s sexual relationship, the assumption is probably true for you. You do view porn because your partner is not sexually adequate for you. No one person can fill another’s social, emotional and sexual needs. You are sexually more complex than that. A sexual partner can be, though, a very important facet of a sex life — just not the totality of it.

Pornography, in this case, is another facet; another component of your complex erotic existence.

You compare me to what you see in porn.

“No, Baby, I would never do that. You are more amazing than anything I see!”

The fact is, we compare and contrast everything. It’s what our brains do. This assumption is likely true as well.

Remember that porn is entertainment. What we do with our sexual partners is imagined, conceived and played out with our real life sex partners. Porn is imagined and never played out.

Porn makes real life sex even more real.

Perhaps that’s the appeal of porn. It’s not real. It’s fantastic in the sense of science fiction or drama. Bodies more perfect than life and sexual positions few of our bodies could achieve and staying power few of us have ever known. Porn isn’t real.

The sex we enjoy with our partners, though, is real and comforting and what we are able to do and imagine and concoct in our own sexual environments and relationships. What we do is the reality of our own imaginations and unlikely to show up on our computer monitors.

Porn, like all entertainment, is a place in our imaginations where you contrast real life sex with fantasy. Porn becomes more fantastic. Real life sex becomes more real.

THIRD ASSUMPTION ABOUT YOUR PORN

You’ll want to do what you see in your porn.

“No, Baby, that’s not true! Those people are crazy. I’d never want to do that!”

Maybe.

In this case, porn is a little bit like education and a little bit like an art studio. I like to think that our erotic selves are part creativity and part curiosity. We get ideas from everywhere.

Friends suggest sexual things they’ve tried.

Magazine articles suggest sexual ideas.

We visit sexuality websites for new sex ideas.

Porn provides sex ideas.

Yes, it’s absolutely possible that you’ll see something in your porn that you will want to try with your partner. Why the hell not?

Sex naturally leads you to curiosity and creativity. It means you’re alive and growing. A sex life grows and morphs into new things and old things pass and are revisited later. Sex changes with changing needs, curiosity and changing bodies and minds. Let it change and fit who you are.

“I’d love to write some porn, but I don’t know if I have the right engines. When I was a young man and I was tempted to write porn, imaginary parents would appear over my shoulder and read what I was writing; just about the point that I managed to banish the imaginary parents, real children would lean over my shoulder and read what I was writing.”Neil Gaiman

All three assumptions present a threat only in a context of minimal sexual disclosure. Usually, a threat can be alleviated by more and accurate information.

If you assumed that porn will be a threat to your partners you might have attempted to protect your relationship by keeping porn under wraps. If on the other hand, your partner was aware of your porn life, your fantasy life and your masturbatory adventures, and still enjoyed a lively erotic and sex life with you, there wouldn’t be any threat.

How To Tell Your Partner Why You Love Your Porn

What you need to provide now is non-threatening information and not a compelling argument. Your partner needs to know that porn is not in any way about them. You need to tell them the truth.

Here’s how:

Tell Them You Have Two Lives

That’s right. Tell them that you have a personal sex life which is healthy and alive. Your partner should too. If they don’t, tell them to get a life. It’s unfair to expect another person to provide a sex life for you.

The reality of a lively relationship is when two people bring two complete and healthy sex lives together and create a new sex life. Each has their own responsibility for their personal life. If a personal sex life suffers, the life together suffers. The responsibility is on each of you.

If you want porn to be a part of your personal sex life, and it gives you enjoyment, your partner will appreciate it if they see that they will gain if you are sexually happy.

We all watch porn; we don’t acknowledge it. Porn exists in a parallel universe, a shadowy otherworld. When you force anything into the shadows and underground, you make it a lot easier for bad things to happen, and a lot harder for good things to happen.

Tell Them You Have Enough To Go Around

If your sex life together is suffering in any way, it likely has nothing to do with porn. It also, likely has nothing to do with masturbation. It probably has more to do with failure to say what you want or think.

Pornography is seldom a substitute for a sex life just like masturbation is not a substitute for a missing sex life. A personal sex life is distinct from a sex life with a partner. A personal erotic and fantasy life is as critical as connection with a partner.

Porn does not reduce a person’s sexual capacity. When a person’s solo sexual life — their enjoyment of their own body and lively fantasy and erotic imagination — is secure and growing, a sexual and erotic relationship with a partner is much more likely to be secure and growing.

Give Them Reasonable Detail

Should you tell all? This is where porn meets disclosure and rights to privacy. If you handle this point well, you can mitigate issues of browsing history and looking over your shoulder.

Honestly disclose enough detail about your personal sex life to cultivate trust. If you expect truth from your partner, give truth. Encourage your partner to ask questions. If you dare, invite your partner to view some of your porn with you and explain what you see and enjoy.

Remember the difference between personal aspects of your life and private space in your life of which we disclose little. Each of us requires corners of life where we are allowed to be completely alone and private. Ask your partner to respect that as you respect their private space.

Should you promise to stop porn or at least reduce it? What other part of your life do your quit or cut back on because your partner feels threatened by it? Does it work? Likely not. We need to respect, encourage and trust our partner’s erotic life. Some of it needs to be personal. Some of it needs to be private. Learn to trust one another.

The quest for the optimal hand job technique has challenged the most inquiring minds for as long as anyone can remember. Discriminating guys argue over the optimal water temperature that goes into a perfect cup of Chemex coffee or how many minutes to cook the perfect hard boiled egg.

Things like coffee, eggs and stroking the dick of someone you’re fond of stymie guys’ minds, but we never give up the pursuit. The season finale of Silicon Valley a few years ago culminated with a dick joke attempting to calculate how long it would take to jerk off an entire room of techie guys. You can look at the actual Stanford mathematics paper considering shaft length, girth and time since last gratification. We know you can prove an awesome hand job with math, but let’s take the question across the hall. Let’s consider the question with fine art.

It Takes One To Know One

Few would argue with the opinion that a penis owner is able to give the best hand job to another penis owner. The reason is simple. If you own a penis, you’ve had a lifetime of learning both the conscious and non-conscious skills of playing your penis well. Your penis gives nuanced feedback and your hand doesn’t think, it just does.

Yes, the owner of a penis comes with natural ability to pleasure dick — any dick.

That may be true, but hand jobs are an art, an acquired skill, and anyone, once understanding the basic elements of a fine hand job, can wow the owner of a penis with a hand job they will remember in their heart and soul forever. Gender, orientation and genital equipment is irrelevant. All that’s needed for a conscious hand job is good hands, an expectant cock and a generous heart. That’s good news!

Why Chopin Is Better Than Chopsticks

While I’m sure Chopsticks was at one time an amazing piece of music, no one plays it like art. It’s played like a joke. Hand jobs are no different. A hand job isn’t a thoughtless act or a task to complete. That’d be Chopsticks.

A hand job is a conscious act of affection. Your partner’s penis deserves Chopin. Your partner is allowing you to fondle their soul. Rather than Chopsticks, bring something like Chopin’s Étude op. 10 No. 1 in C Major.

Approach your partner and their penis like you’re about to create fine art, like you are about to wow your friend with their most personal part in a way they’ve never experienced. Approach your friend with the reverence and hush of an audience that anticipates they are about to be stunned, moved to their soul.

Play your partner’s dick like Chopin. Play it like fine art.

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The Three Keys To A Conscious Hand Job

If you’re gracing someone with a hand job, you’re all set. Just read on. If you anticipate receiving a hand job, you might consider forwarding this post.

Know Your Partner’s Penis — Whether or not you own a penis, know the zones of your partner’s penis and the sensations they provide.

Play With Emotion — Engage your own heart and give something emotionally to your partner’s pleasure.

Know Your Hands

Your hand is more than a tube to stick over a dick. Your partner can easily get one of those at the Fantasy Emporium for $7.95 if that’s all they want. Like the pianist ready to play Chopin, your hands are designed to extract the most exquisite pleasure from your partner’s penis and deliver it to the very center of their soul. To do this you need to know the incredible dynamic of your hands.

PALMS Your palms are designed to cover broad areas of a penis at the same time giving your partner maximum skin-to-skin contact. Use your palms to stroke the top side (dorsal) side of the penis and to stroke the head (glans) of the penis. This way, you’re reaching many nerve endings all at once.

FINGERS Likely, you have ten fingers and like Chopin, an awesome hand job requires your fingers to be playing in concert with one another. Fingers work independently of one another. People giving hand jobs forget this and simply form a tube with their fingers. Your fingers need to do more than form a tube. Fingers need to all be moving all the time like the fingers of a pianist. As your hand is stroking, your fingers are caressing, making music, reaching a soul.

Learn to use the length of your fingers as well as the pads and especially the tips. All the parts of your fingers provide varying sensations, pressures and motions in a conscious hand job.

COMPRESSION (Squeeze) As with Chopin, some parts are loud and some parts are soft. Your hand compresses your friend’s penis more or less according to the emotion they need you to create. Remember that your hand has a lot of strength—be careful. Sense their need and know that your hands have the ability to compress from a gentle, barely detectible brush to a strong, bold, long stroke along the full length of the penis shaft that will send them to the moon. Your squeeze can vary depending on the part of the penis you’re massaging. Your hand may even pulse if this delights your partner.

Know Your Partner’s Penis

As playing Chopin, a piano has eighty-eight keys, your partner’s penis has likely this many or more zones and subtle places that possess the capacity to create emotion. As no two pianos are alike, no two penises are alike. Know your partner’s penis. One awesome way to learn about your partner’s penis, is to join them when they masturbate. Sit behind them and watch them stroke their dick from their perspective. Look for the subtle motions, pauses, variations in speed and how it all relates to their physical and emotional response.

You won’t do exactly the same. You’ll do what you do. A hand job is completely different from masturbation. You’re just learning how a penis takes touch. However you choose to learn, here are the basics.

TOP SIDE (Dorsal) The dorsal side of the penis gives less of a zingy and more of a deep orgasmic effect. The result isn’t immediate. Stroke the dorsal side for short periods and again from time to time. This will build orgasmic tension. Attention here with your thumb or palm will take your friend further and deeper in their pleasure experience.

BOTTOM SIDE (Ventral or Frenulum) The ventral side of the penis generates a quicker ejaculatory effect. Playing here with your fingers from the tip of the penis all along the bottom side will take your friend quickly to spending their cum if you’re not careful. If they want to last longer, be cautious how much you stimulate along the frenulum.

HEAD (Glans) The glans penis contains the wow factor in the penis and interestingly less of the ejaculatory factor. The head of your partner’s penis has a high concentration of nerve endings making it very sensitive. The palm of your hand cupped over the head or the tips of your fingers playing with the opening (meatus) or the edge of the glans (coronal ridge) will quickly escalate arousal. Be attentive to your friend’s response to know how long they want this intense arousal.

FORESKIN (Prepuce) Not all penis owners have a foreskin. If your friend’s penis has one, you can gently stretch the foreskin and move it over the head of the penis as a sort of glans massage. The foreskin provides lubrication over the head of the penis. It serves as both protection as well as a pleasure enhancer for intercourse, masturbation and hand jobs. Let your friend guide you as you stroke the head of their penis with the foreskin.

BALLS (Scrotum) The scrotum and testicles contained inside enjoy their own very subtle but full pleasure. Your fingers can periodically swoop down and stroke behind the scrotum, gently tug the balls and massage the scrotal skin. Or use one hand to play with the scrotum while the other plays on the penis.

Play With Emotion

Your emotion is detectable in your hands. Just as a pianist approaches their instrument with intention, inspiration and focus, your partner’s penis will know if you’re emotionally engaged in this hand job. Before you first touch your partner’s penis, find some erotic energy inside of you — a memory, fantasy, your own genital energy, feelings for your partner — anything to contribute positive energy to their pleasure. Remember, you’re contributing energy, not taking it. Don’t touch your partner’s genitals out of your own need. Better to wait.

In addition to what you bring to a hand job and your partner’s experience, be sure when you at last take your hands away from their genitals that you remove your hands slowly and consciously so as not to remove any of the pleasure but leave only a positive, supportive energy.

Now, when you hold their penis, you will hold it with the same delight that they experience.

I hit the 30-day mark this morning. No news. No newspapers. No television news. No news magazines. No online news This month I’m news fasting.

No news for me right now is good news.

I don’t see myself restarting the news habit any time soon, because without doubt, my news fasting has reset my sex life.

What is news fasting?

News fasting is intentional abstinence from any news media including newspapers, television news, news magazines and online news for a period of time.

News fasting intends to eliminate or reduce and manage news consumption to control stress.

News consumption may resume with a new mix of media and information which enables personal growth and mental health.

What does news fasting have to do with sex?

I’m so glad you asked! All news is social expression and all sex is social expression. I’ve fasted from news in the past. Several times over the last year I came to the brink of, I’m so tired of this shit!” and broke from the news for a week or two.

This time is different. This is a reset button. This is news fasting.

The drip feed of news throughout the day started with Google feed in the morning, mid-morning coffee with coworkers news rants, NY Times morning briefing and ended with a late afternoon online progressive news show. If I was really desperate, I’d also check in with Google late at night which would inevitably kill my sleep.

The constant feed of news kept me at a low level anxious hum throughout the day. I was always a little bit mad, a little bit scared and a little bit depressed.

Not a recipe for a great sex life.

The bottom line was that news was a powerful influence on how I felt about myself and my life playing out on the stage of fabricated news drama designed to sell more news. Not exactly a great context for personal sexual pleasure. There’s little motivation for sexual growth and adventure — just personal survival.

The news fasting helped me recover control of my own thought life. My erotic, sensual and creative aspects of my life continued to be the main determinants of where my life was going. The bonus was all the time I recovered. Now, I write poetry or erotica or even a blog post in the morning. Now, I tell my friends and coworkers, Just update me on the important stuff; I don’t feel like ranting. Now, I read fiction again!

Here’s why news is such a powerful influence on our social lives and consequently our sexual lives

Confirmation Bias

Confirmation bias is nothing more than a tendency to seek news sources, stories and people who agree with how we already think. Each of us is prone to insane use of confirmation bias. Any story that turns your crank should tell you that confirmation bias is at work. The next thing you’ll do is look for another story that supports the same idea.

More confirmation bias.

We make the bias even more powerful by surrounding ourselves only with people who agree with us. To complicate the bias even further, media strengthens our side by taking political, religious or moral positions which support what we already think. Add to it another level again. You may not know it but your online news feeds and search results are designed to support your bias by delivering to you strictly news and stories which agree with your positions.

When you’re cranked and seeking more stories to support your position, media outlets and advertisers are happy. Sounds like a conspiracy. It probably is.

Richard Zwolinski, writer for Psychcentral.com, says, “take your news with a good grain of skepticism — it’s designed to stress you out!”

With our minds in this kind of a rut, our sex lives are hardly balanced and growing. An erotic mindset requires consideration and openness to ideas and perspectives other than our own. If we’re not growing and learning, we’re sexually stagnant.

Critical

News that sells is generally bad news, and if it’s not bad news for us, it’s likely bad news for someone else. News teaches us to look for fault and flaw in our world. It seldom teaches us to look for nuance, pattern and surprise. That would be sex. That would make us feel good. That’s not news.

We can counter bad news in our lives with our own erotic energy, but unfortunately our news systems are designed to determine our news diet for us. We don’t usually get to do that.

News is one-eyed and unfortunately, we very easily become one-eyed as well. One-eyed means you only see the profile of someone and you’ll never see them straight on or from any other perspective. Think of the political character you despise the most. You’ll see the perspective the news gives you and no other.

Our erotic lives allow us to see many perspectives and to notice the good in others. While critical thinking is powerful and an acquired skill, the ability to note more detail in people enriches us and our ability to relate socially.

Fear

News is short-sighted.

The world is going to end in the next 30 minutes. We’re all screwed. It’s not safe to go out on the streets any longer. You can’t trust anyone.

The interesting thing is that the news can prove all of the above. It’s all true, but news is only right here, right now. There is no historical context, no accounting for our power to change our world, no consideration of our dreams and desires. News is very limiting in scope.

While sex is very much an in the moment aspect of our lives, it requires safety and grounding as well as room to grow, reach and stretch. News doesn’t contribute to that. It can’t. News disconnects us from our mooring in life, tips us back on our heels and offers us little hope. Sex sells, but fear sells better.

My news fast has probably done more for me in calming my fear and allowing me to restore hope than anything I’ve done.

What I Do When News Fasting

What you do to manage your news consumption is probably not so important as the fact that you yourself choose to do it. Empowering yourself is most important. Be ready and willing to self-adjust. You will notice change in your overall mental health and erotic outlook. Here’s what I do. Take it for what it’s worth:

I don’t watch TV at all. I haven’t watched TV for 18 years. When I catch sight of a TV, I’m glad that I don’t watch TV. I watch film. I love film.

I don’t read email or news first thing in the morning. My first activities in the morning are creative— usually writing.

I don’t read nonfiction before going to bed. My last activities before bed are walking, sex or fiction. Sleep is important to my sex life and a mind occupied with pleasure ensures great sleep.

I don’t read my financial news or reports until Friday afternoon. It’s the nature of financial markets to rise and fall. Checking them once a week is enough.

My reading material during the day is a mix of nonfiction and fiction as well as creative activities that involve both. My sex life enjoys the benefits of both the real and imagined aspects of my world. Feeding my fantasy is important to my erotic health.

My social life includes people with whom I completely see eye-to-eye as well as those who offer me contrasting perspectives on the world. I enjoy people who are quirkier than me. It’s important though, that the people in my life value me for who I am. It hasn’t always been that way, but I’m learning. They don’t need to agree with me to value me.

]]>https://www.orgasmicguy.com/why-news-fasting-can-reset-your-sex-life/feed/0No More Sex Shame: An Interview With Dan Savagehttps://www.orgasmicguy.com/no-more-sex-shame-an-interview-with-dan-savage/
https://www.orgasmicguy.com/no-more-sex-shame-an-interview-with-dan-savage/#respondThu, 13 Jul 2017 20:23:04 +0000http://www.orgasmicguy.com/?p=1790The post No More Sex Shame: An Interview With Dan Savage appeared first on Orgasmic Guy.
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You know him as Savage Love. You know him as the gay guy who gives No Shit sex advice to straight folk. Dan Savage, America’s straight-up LGBT activist, sex columnist and podcaster talks about what it’s like to grow up gay in a sexually misaligned society and then face sex shame again among the supposedly like-minded.

In American culture it’s tough to sidestep any kind of sex shame for who we sexually are. Though we don’t like to admit it, ours is a culture which demands conformity, and sexuality is anything but conforming. A demand for conformity and sexuality’s demand for uniqueness is a recipe for pain.

Sex shame here, is inevitable.

Dr. David Ley, a clinical psychologist from Albuquerque, New Mexico, is conducting a video project exploring the issues surrounding social sex shame. Ley is making few assumptions and leaves the conversation wide open asking at the outset, “Do you see sexual shaming as continuing to be an issue?”

Dan Savage can go a lot of directions with this one and thankfully he follows the path of his own experience professionally as a sexuality writer but also as a gay man who came out as a teen. Shame is no stranger to Savage.

Ley does make one exclusion from the outset of his discussion though. He doesn’t include any kind of definition or framing of shame for his viewers.

It does seem to follow that people should intuitively know what shame is. We all experience it after all. But it would be a mistake here neglect at least a few lines of discussion about sex shame.

The first mistake most people make about shame is to assume that shame is inherently deserved. Not so. Shame is nothing less than pain. It’s the pain you feel when someone points out either real or perceived departure from their expectation of you. Shame is how you feel, but it’s based on what you believe others think about you.

Sex shame is also a curse. Picture the grade school teacher wagging their ugly accusing finger at some unwary child saying, “Shame on you! Look what you’ve done!” The pain is devastating and lives with the child and shapes their perception of self. The pain is carried forever. People, often without knowing it, curse others by shaming them.

It’s a curse that almost always works.

A child is found kissing another child. Shame. A child is found fondling their genitals. Shame. A teen is found with a hard on in math class. Shame. A young man in church is discovered loving another guy. Shame. A husband is discovered browsing porn on is laptop. Shame. A mature man is found basking in the sun nude in his private back yard. Shame.

Sex shame is pain however you cut it. Shame is inevitable through a lifetime.

Dan Savage actually started his career intending a joke by giving sex advice as a gay guy to straight folk. It was really intended to shame straight readers by treating them with the same contempt that straight columnists treated gay readers.

Sex shame is a tool for everyone. We use it without knowing it.

Fortunately, Savage saw the power of his pen and writes knowing that the majority of his readers are writing him questions and comments because they feel shame. Not because they are above it.

And that brings to the surface the real issue of sexual shame. None among us escape shame as it’s the social tool we use to bring one another into conformity. With the impossibility of sexual conformity, one must find their ability to escape the grip of shame. Any gay man who is out; any kinkster who has found a community; any porn viewer who has disclosed his preference; any masturbator who leaves his lube on the table, has escaped the grip.

Lest you think that sex shame is conquered by joining a community, Savage has news. Even once out, the community will insist you conform and use shame to enforce it. His experience as a young gay teen was that his friends shamed him for not doing the things that they liked to do. Savage’s preference didn’t conform and his friends used shame to move him to be like them.

The most interesting side trail of Dan Savage’s discussion was the question, “Is all sexual shame bad?” Some of our most erotic, sexy and exciting experiences came from shame that we had experienced and overcome or despised. One of the powers of our sexuality is the ability to find a place where our pain becomes pleasure. Even in our shame we can find our sexual selves. In doing so, we’ve escaped shame’s grip.

]]>https://www.orgasmicguy.com/no-more-sex-shame-an-interview-with-dan-savage/feed/0The Vasectomist: A Vasectomy Global Missionhttps://www.orgasmicguy.com/the-vasectomist/
https://www.orgasmicguy.com/the-vasectomist/#respondFri, 17 Feb 2017 17:02:28 +0000http://www.orgasmicguy.com/?p=1649Dr. Doug Stein’s bizarre claim to fame is that he’s performed more vasectomies than anyone, ever. At the time of this film, he had performed more than 30,000 vasectomies in the US, Asia, the Caribbean and Africa. A vasectomy is a quick, outpatient surgical procedure performed on males to permanently prevent pregnancy. It very effectively […]

Dr. Doug Stein’s bizarre claim to fame is that he’s performed more vasectomies than anyone, ever. At the time of this film, he had performed more than 30,000 vasectomies in the US, Asia, the Caribbean and Africa.

A vasectomy is a quick, outpatient surgical procedure performed on males to permanently prevent pregnancy. It very effectively eliminates the possibility of sperm reaching an egg through intercourse by preventing sperm from inclusion in semen in the male reproductive system.

Traditional vasectomies require injections of local anesthesia and two incisions — one on each side of the scrotum to provide access to the vas deferens, the duct that conveys sperm from the testis to the ejaculatory ducts where it awaits ejaculation through the urethra and the penis. The vas ducts are then snipped, clipped, cauterized or redirected, depending on the method chosen by the surgeon to prevent sperm from leaving the testis.

In contrast, Dr. Stein’s method is unique. Using a small amount of local anesthetic spray, he makes one tiny puncture and clips both vas ducts in a matter of minutes. A tiny whiff of singed vas deferens and he’s done. His vasectomies are cheap, quick, painless and claimed quite reliable with failure about one in 2000.

Vasectomy: A Global Mission

What really sets the good doctor apart, though, is his global mission — to stop world overpopulation through his highly refined and replicable male contraceptive technique. And this is what The Vasectomist is really about.

With a perfected technique, the doctor hits the road in Florida peddling no-scalpel and no-needle vasectomies to guys craving peace of mind and a quiet house. The camera rolls capturing Dr. Stein loading and unloading totes of supplies for his pop-up vasectomy clinics advertised by portable signs in parking lots and strip malls. He takes a new patient about every fifteen minutes. His follow-up phone calls after dark take place at 70 mph on the toll way. Dr. Stein is a busy man.

Dr. Stein expanded his mission to reach overseas where his global population values, slick technique and financial incentives collide with local values, faith and culture.

The doctor is delighted when guys line up for their vasectomies and spin stories of 26 kids and this, thanks to Doug Stein, is where population mayhem stops. With assistance, he can do about a hundred procedures in a day. Met with resistance, though, from the mayor and Catholic church sexuality educator, Dr. Stein goes toe-to-toe with locals and resorts to monetary incentives to convince guys to get vasectomies.

The Vasectomist raises important issues which may rile you. I was startled by the lack of patient education both before and following the procedure which made me wonder if patients could really frame their decision in the context of their future reproductive opportunities. The doctor’s efforts to persuade through pressure on local officials as well as incentive techniques seemed to weigh more toward his goals than the likelihood that a patient was selling his fertility for twenty bucks.

]]>https://www.orgasmicguy.com/the-vasectomist/feed/0The Deep Yes: The Lost Art of True Receivinghttps://www.orgasmicguy.com/the-deep-yes-the-lost-art-of-true-receiving/
https://www.orgasmicguy.com/the-deep-yes-the-lost-art-of-true-receiving/#respondSat, 04 Feb 2017 00:42:25 +0000http://www.orgasmicguy.com/?p=1609The post The Deep Yes: The Lost Art of True Receiving appeared first on Orgasmic Guy.
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“Yes! Yes! Yes!” I didn’t even realize I was saying this out loud as I devoured Dr. Roz’s incredibly readable The Deep Yes: The Lost Art of True Receiving. As I read the early pages of the book, I reflected on the many ways my culture taught me to say, “No” simply as a matter of courtesy. It’s customary to refuse several times when offered something by a host, a friend or even a well-meaning stranger. I even recall learning this very young as I refused a ride home from school by a neighbor during a storm, preferring to walk the half mile by my five-year-old self rather than receive the kindness easily offered by another. This tradition, I discovered, formed my belief about receiving, and to this day I don’t receive well.

I read a few pages further and “Yes! Yes! Yes!” discovered a chapter entitled “The Role Model No” exploring the very emotions I was feeling.

“…parents today have become indoctrinated into the standing belief that to receive is self-indulgent.”

Rethinking “’Tis more blessed to give than to receive”

Dr. Dischiavo reveals over and over the facets of life where we’ve learned to short circuit true self, true relationship, true community and true love. Topic by topic, she explores the role of receiving by weaving personal stories of her own journey as well as those experiences with her students through the years. She says, “I find that I have become less and less self-centered, more and more productive, more loving, and happier by far. I believe that receiving is one of the lost keys to happiness.”

As she explores the daily practices of life involving food, fitness, sleep and beauty, she contrasts our No condition of being unable or unwilling to receive with that of a Yes or receiving condition where we participate fully in the receiving cycle of life and relationships. The No condition leaves us continually wanting while the Yes or receiving condition leaves us happy, able to engage with life and others and contribute to our world.

Out Of Control Yes

Dr. Roz brings decades of experience with addiction study and practice and suggests that the No which so many attempt to practice in addiction does in fact lead to a cascade of self destructive Yes which is “never enough”. She explores the principles of 12 Step and Alcoholics Anonymous and explains that the powerless position a person eventually will need to to assume in this program actually creates room for them to receive and say, “Yes” to a personal recovery.

Listen To Your Body

Terrifying what you might hear from your body until you learn to relate and respond. The next seven chapters tangle with the body in tangible and intangible ways. There’s no getting away from it, our body is all we have to interact with our world, and it’s in receiving on behalf of and from our body where we graduate to a more integrated humanness.

Roz’s discussions about food and sleep resonated with me as these are contests I play in regularly. Maybe that’s why I enjoyed her first lines, “Sleep requires surrender. It’s not something that we do, it’s something that we allow to overtake us. Maybe this is why it’s so unpopular in our culture. Sleep demands that we give up conscious control and let our bodies run the show, and many of us have little practice with this.” She goes on to describe the deep receiving and the deep Yes we experience in sleep as indulgence — indulgence is a very good and necessary thing.

Naked Yes

Naturally, I would love this chapter. Social nudity has been as transformative for me as it has for many. Dr. Dischiavo discusses nudity as a means of personal development as well as considerable discussion about nudity of children as well as family nudity in the presence of children. Her exploration is frank, complete and settling.

Sex, Love and The Deep Yes

“Sex is the life force.” It’s a powerful first sentence — unabashed, concise and direct. Most essentially know this about sex. Few would agree with it. We all must contend with a life force which “comes from the deepest part of ourselves and carries the vitality of our beings.” To believe this and respond to it leaves only one thing to do: receive. And in our sex life it is so difficult to play and love and not feel as though we must control and measure and balance because that is exactly what we are conditioned to do. We can and will find and live in that Yes and a condition of receiving. “Yes! Yes! Yes!”

I will leave you here at the end with a quote from the beginning of The Deep Yes: The Lost Art of True Receiving.

“It never occurs to us that accepting love IS love–that fully taking love in is the most loving thing we can do, not only for ourselves but also for the “giver”. It doesn’t occur to us that embracing love is, in fact, love itself. In the end, there is no giver and no receiver. There is only the received and the receiver, or both are denied.”

About The Author

Dr. Rosalyn Dischiavo is a health educator, poet, and former marriage and family therapist with a background in addictions. Her spiritual studies and practices have included Christianity, Zen Buddhism, reform Judaism, Goddess studies, Native American traditions and Himalayan Tantra, an Indian sister-science to yoga and Ayurveda. In 2011, she founded the Institute for Sexuality Education and Enlightenment (ISEE) in order to bring a mind-body-spirit approach into the fields of health education, sex education and therapy. Roz lives in the Farmington Valley in northwest Connecticut.

Google “reasons guys masturbate” and you’ll turn up a lot of health motivations. The really interesting thing about this Google search, though, is that most of the page you turn up will list reasons you should masturbate and not reasons why you already do masturbate.

Physics is like sex: sure, it may give some practical results, but that’s not why we do it. Richard Feynman

I don’t know many guys who are going to masturbate in the same way they’d take a vitamin, work out on a stair climber or ensure that they get three servings of green leafy vegetables.

No. Guys masturbate because it’s fun and because you don’t need to know why as well as every imaginable reason in-between. Here we’ve captured the in-between for your imagination and pleasure. Maybe understanding some of the reasons why other guys masturbate will enlarge and enliven your own solo life. The following 23 Great Reasons Guys Masturbate are collected from personal experience as well as some wonderful masturbatory conversation of guys I know.

Here you are:

23 Great Reasons Guys Masturbate

Because masturbation is funFun tops the list of reasons guys masturbate because frankly this and the reason at the bottom are in themselves the only reasons necessary to enjoy a great wank. Laugh yourself silly!

Because we make love to ourselvesWhile there are a lot of ways to show yourself love and affection, masturbation’s intensity of pleasure undoubtedly sends a message throughout your body and soul that you are loved and cherished by you. It’s amazing how intimate and personal you can be all by yourself.

Because we play with our bodiesOur bodies come adorned with countless fascinating features and attachments, and when you add an hour to some lube, you create a virtual jungle gym all by yourself. The world grows fuzzy and dim once our body has seized our fancy.

Because we play with sex toysWhen a naked body and the jungle gym aren’t enough, erotic minds have invented some wild solo sex toys for guys to play with. And we play with them. Add a toy or two and that jungle gym evolves into a three-ring circus. I’m certain I hear a crowd roaring.

Because we need to chillMassaging our dicks is nothing less than instinctive response to rude imposition of the world on our inner calm. Erotic chill pushes out stress replacing it with a clear and peaceful mind.

Because we want to affirm and comfort ourselvesOur world is woefully neglectful of allowing us reward. It’s left to guys to bestow upon themselves the “Attaboys” and “Well dones!” so crucial to our self worth. A hard dick and a congratulatory hand of good fellowship is no small reward, as our bodies shake with erotic pleasure we say, “Fucking awesome, Guy!”

Because we enjoy our nakednessWe masturbate in all manner of clothing or undress. When the last sock tops the pile on the floor, we encounter the essence of us. Nakedness is a “thing” and advances a simple casual wank to a veritable date with our body.

Because we indulge in arousal, orgasm and erotic intensityA seven-second orgasm, even if accompanied by a load of cum, sometimes doesn’t cut it. Sometimes we want to stare our orgasm hard in the face and shake it. Sometimes an hour isn’t enough. Sometimes we need two.

Because we heal ourselvesPain of loss, injustice, failure or disappointment grows faint with each healing stroke of a gentle masturbation session. We find level ground and a safe space once we lose ourselves in arousal.

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Why Do You Masturbate? Share Your Reasons With Us!

Share what motivates you to masturbate in the comments below! Thanks for letting us know!

Because we play with erotic energyOnce we discover that our minds are the puppet masters of erotic energy, we can direct it to wherever in our bodies we want it to go and play.

Because we need restA guy masturbation session moves us from highly alert and circumspect to inwardly focused, quiet and restful. Thoughts slow, problems-solving wanes and misty half-consciousness reigns. Twenty minutes and we feel like we’re good to go for several hours again.

Because we are creativeGuys discover their inner genius as guys stroke their dicks. Distracting thoughts disperse while the conscious and non-conscious minds co-op in the inventive medium of masturbatory arousal. Brilliance is the result.

Because we play with erotic fantasyWe play in the erotic jungle gym of our bodies and romp on the fantasy playgrounds of our minds. Masturbation adds sensation, sexual arousal and carnal pleasure to the stories we play out in erotic fantasy.

Because we affirm our masculinity and powerThe weight and sexual power of a dick in a guy’s hand completes our erotic circuit: Mind, body and sex. The ability to cultivate and move our erotic energy affirms our ability to use our masculine power in the best ways possible in our lives.

Because we connect with the earthMasturbation sessions outdoors and especially with full contact with the ground or water draws immense power from the earth to mingle with our orgasmic energy.

Because we meditate and are spiritualWe add the self-affirming genital stroking and the medium of sexual arousal to meditation or prayer and we discover an even more divine union with power greater than ourselves.

Because we share our pleasure with others
We tell one another what we do. We imagine what other guys do. When we blend the auras of one another’s masturbatory arousal, we not only know and imagine but also experience and bond with the erotic of those we trust.

Because we celebrateIt was a great day. We had great fortune. We accomplished an amazing thing. This is how we celebrate — a nice masturbation session to mark the occasion.

Because we need to ground ourselvesParticularly for those of us who feel our own emotions tangle with the emotions of others, masturbation is frequently how we reconnect our emotions with our bodies and rebalance.

Because our bodies are an experiment
Our bodies are a laboratory for guy experimentation. We are a veritable test kitchen of sexual possibility and pleasure, and there’s no end to the bizarre and kinky things we are willing to attempt with our dicks.

Because we love to danceA solo and highly aroused wank dance is the most cathartic experience a penis-owner can have.

Because we make fitness eroticFitness and physical exercise is already so body-centered, we enjoy the naked and aroused environment of a healthy body. Many physical routines and yoga poses lend themselves to an erect penis and a passionate stroke.

Because we have no reason at allThe last and most foundational of all reasons guys masturbate — solo sexual play requires no justification, no explanation and no reason at all for total and unbounded enjoyment.