21. Make sure that everything hanging in your home is perfectly level.22. Tweeze your eyebrows.23. Catch up on Glee.24. Look up naked women on the Internet and ponder why vaginas are just so damn disgusting.25. Actually read one of those m/m short stories that Tam is always reviewing.

Anonymity. It’s not just a hard word to spell. It’s a way to protect yourself, your identity and your secrets. So what have you been doing anonymously? Donations? Sex? Property damage? Murder? It’s time to fess up.

The rules are the same: For each question that you answer ‘yes’ to, give yourself a single point. When you reach the end of the quiz, add up your points and post your total in the comments.

Have You Ever?!

1. Have you ever anonymously left a note on someone’s car?2. Have you ever hit a parked car and left without claiming responsibility?3. Have you ever scratched a park car and left without claiming responsibility?4. Have you ever made an anonymous donation to a charity?5. Have you ever left an anonymous monetary tip?6. Have you ever given an anonymous gift (e.g. secret Santa)?7. Have you ever anonymously helped someone (e.g. helped an old lady cross the street)?8. Have you ever anonymously corrected someone’s grammar?9. Have you ever anonymously followed a blog for a long time without commenting?10. Have you ever left anonymous comments on a blog?11. Have you ever left mean or rude anonymous comments on a blog?12. Have you ever chatted anonymously in a web chat room?13. Have you ever video chatted anonymously on Chatroulette (or a similar site)?14. Have you ever ever used a pseudonym to hide your identity?15. Have you ever written an anonymous letter or email to someone else?16. Have you ever written an anonymous letter to the editor of a newspaper, magazine or similar publication?17. Have you been anonymously quoted by an interviewer?18. Have you ever written an anonymous love letter?19. Have you ever posted a “missed connection” on Craigslist?20. Have you ever made an anonymous prank phone call?21. Have you ever anonymously leaked confidential or secret information?22. Have you ever had anonymous sex?23. Have you ever used a glory hole and had no idea who was on the other side?24. Have you ever anonymously raped someone?25. Have you ever anonymously murdered someone?

As we move forward with the merger of Cocky & Rude and Puntabulous, there are a lot of wrinkles that need to be ironed out. Each day, your two favorite bloggers (along with Craig) are working tirelessly as they proceed with the union. And like so many marriages, there have been a few bumps in the road. Check out this thread of emails, which I secretly intercepted (from my own inbox).

Friday, 10:30am From: Adam To: Mikey; Craig

I guess we won?

Friday, 10:31am From: Mikey To: Adam; Craig

And yet he still referred to the merged site as Puntabucock!

Friday, 10:33am From: Adam To: Mikey; Craig

Don’t worry — I’m planning to squeeze him right out of the organization, just like Zuckerberg did to New-Spiderman.

Friday, 10:34am From: Mikey To: Adam; Craig

the new spider-man who was on an episode of Doctor Who Series three with Martha!

Friday, 10:36am From: Adam To: Mikey; Craig

Yup, and that’s why I’m going to eliminate you as well. ME AND Justin Timberlake are gunna run Cocktabulous all the way to TRILLIONAIRE.

Friday, 10:45am From: Adam To: Mikey; Craig

I wish craig would respond to this so I could turn it into a “leaked internal email thread” blog post.

Friday, 10:51am From: Craig To: Adam; Mikey

Bullshit. It’s Puntabucock or nothing.

Friday, 10:54am From: Adam To: Craig; Mikey

So the poll on Puntabulous and your reader’s opinions means nothing?

Friday, 10:57am From: Craig To: Adam; Mikey

The readers mean everything to me. That’s why I must protect them from making the wrong choices.

Friday, 11:00am From: Mikey To: Craig; Adam

So the poll on Puntabulous and your reader’s opinons MEAN nothing, ADAM!!!!

Friday, 11:02am From: Adam To: Mikey; Craig

huh?

Friday, 11:04am From: Mikey To: Adam; Craig

you wrote “So the poll on Puntabulous and your reader’s opinions means nothing?” which is grammatically incorrect…poll and opinions mean nothing is correct

Friday, 11:06am From: Craig To: Mikey; Adam

As the man behind the revenue making (NSFW) portion of Puntabucock, my opinion matters more.

Friday, 11:11am From: Adam To: Mikey; Craig

As president, the final decision rests in my hands.

Friday, 11:11am From: Mikey To: Craig; Adam

The name Cocktabulous is more likely to lead to “found money” (i.e. people searching for “cock”)

Friday, 11:14am From: Craig To: Adam; Mikey

Oh, so the readers’ opinions mean nothing to you?

Friday, 11:17am From: Adam To: Mikey; Craig

No, only the readers’ wallets.

Friday, 11:26am From: Craig To: Adam; Mikey

I can’t wait to expose who you really are! You’re a monster!

Friday, 11:27am From: Mikey To: Adam; Craig

a monster who uses a big purple dildo for purposes that I would rather not know about

Friday, 11:31am From: Adam To: Mikey; Craig

Yea, I still don’t understand why you insisted that Craig draw one of the doodles with a big dildo. I’ve never owned, used or threatened anyone with a dildo.

Friday, 11:33am From: Mikey To: Adam; Craig

you don’t have to lie just because you wan to post this on the blog

Friday, 11:35am From: Adam To: Craig; Mikey

Craig — for the video section, I think we should introduce a “HAVE YOU EVER?!” series where we attach the respondents to a lie-detector test.

Friday, 11:59am From: Craig To: Adam; Mikey

GENIUS! Can we taze them if they lie?

Friday 12:00 noon From: Mikey To: Adam; Craig

if we get a medical and legal release

It’s a close look at the gears turning in the minds of the geniuses behind PuntabucockCocktabulous. Truly fascinating, isn’t it?

I realized a few weeks ago that from a certain spot in my parking lot, I can see my landlord’s computer screen. I was so excited! I couldn’t wait to see what kind of porn (girls? boys? horses? fatties? fisting?) that he was into. But after a few weeks of spying, I’ve come to the realization that all he ever does is play solitaire. He’s exactly like my father, and most of the other old people (40+) that I know. The computer is simply a new way to play card games.

Old people, I’m here to help you. There are better things to do with your computer! The Internet is a wide and wondrous place. Here are some suggestions to get you started…

E-mail Your Friends & FamilyWhy? Because it’s cheaper than a toll call! (Old people usually don’t believe that free in-network mobile phone calls are actually free.) You’ll especially enjoy forwarding bad jokes, religious stories, hoaxes that you are convinced are real, and sharing photos with your family. Please note that old people usually don’t attach photos to an email correctly, so receivers will never see them.

Chat With Your FamilyInstead of emailing, why not just IM them? There are a variety of options: Google Talk, AIM, Yahoo! Messenger, etc. Each one of them is easy to use and won’t time out when you only type about one word a minute. Where is the ‘s’ again? I’m sure your family is patient and won’t mind that you type so slow. Oh, and Skype is out of the question, because old people will never understand how to set up a microphone and web cam.

Catch Up On The NewsYou’re old, so you’re probably a Republican. The best news site for you is FoxNews.com! They offer a fair and balanced version of the news that’s usually not exactly true, but true enough to get you all riled up against those damn liberals! Your favorite person, Sarah Palin is even on the payroll! Check daily for the latest on how heath care reform will cause you to be instantly euthanized and up-to-the-minute information about how Barack Obama was not born in the United States.

Stay On Top Of The Weather
Old people love the weather. A chance of rain or snow is enough of a reason to stay home for days. And when you don’t have much left to live for, it’s important to know the temperature highs and lows for the day. Make sure to send daily emails to your kids and grandkids, reminding them to wear a coat today!

Porn, Porn & More Porn!Old people’s penises and vajayjays are saggy and old. They wrinkle up like prunes (which on a side-note, are great for avoiding constipation!) and drag on the ground. Don’t get me started on wispy gray pubic hair. It’s just disgusting. Porn is a great way to remember how your body used to look. And what better place to find porn than on the Internet?

It’s Hookup Time!
And why stop at porn? The Internet is a great place for old people to find romance or just hook up with other old folks. And with the advent of Viagra and Cialis, old guys never have to worry about under-preforming and stage fright. eHarmony.com is great if you’re looking for romance (and they don’t let the queers in either!), but sites like AshleyMadison.com are great if you’re just looking to bang some old married people, and still make it home in time for Wheel of Fortune.

Print Out Some CouponsThe only thing better than sex is saving money. And with websites like Coupons.com, you don’t even have to worry about hobbling with your walker to end of the driveway to pick up the newspaper anymore. You can sit on your Duro-Med Rubber Inflatable Seat Cushion Ring and print coupons straight from the computer! As long as you can figure out how to use that damn printer!

Google Your Favorite SubjectsYou’re old, so you’re probably all about history (because you were there when it happened). Why not Google your favorite topics? I suggest searching for topics like “World War I” or “Back when I had a pet dinosaur.” Or why not just use Google as an address bar? Wanna go to Facebook? Search for “Facebook.com” or why not try searching Google for “Google.com”? Old people LOVE to do that.

Map Your Family TreeOld people love reconnecting and remembering their long lost relatives. Why not use a site like Ancestry.com to map a family tree? Or how about Classmates.com to find a few of your still-living classmates? Both sites cost money, and for some reason, old people are surprising willing to pay for these services. Just don’t be there a month later when the credit card bill shows up. They’ll have that foamy pad on the telephone speaker pressed hard against their hearing aid as they scream at the credit card company representative to take the charge of their bill.

Stalk Your Family On FacebookFacebook, you say? That’s where I disapprovingly look at photos of my grandson Adam jamming vegetables down his pants. He thinks it’s funny. I think it’s disgusting! Old people love stalking their family on Facebook. They’d stalk their friends too, but they’re all dead.

Old people are great, and they love computers. With this helpful list, hopefully they can make the most out of their final few years on the planet. Do you have any suggestions of your own? Add to my list in the comments!

A few months ago, we found out how easy it is to annoy Adam. You may have just been humming along living your life when some random dude in a red Honda Fit flipped you off and called you a granny-ass driver. That was Adam. Now it is time to see how difficult it is to annoy Mikey: the self-proclaimed master of zen. You know the rules: For each question that you answer ‘yes’ to, give yourself a single point. When you reach the end of the quiz, add up your points and post your total in the comments section.

Have You Ever…

1. Have you ever ordered something on the menu at a restaurant and then asked that ever single item on your entree was removed?

2. Have you ever ordered something unfitting from a karaoke bar, like wine?

3. Have you ever reached the top of a stairway and stopped directly at the top without regard for the fact that others are walking behind you?

4. Have you ever stopped at the bottom of a moving escalator thinking that the people right behind wouldn’t end up crushed to death?

5. Have you ever corrected someone’s spelling in a non-formal communication like a chat, email or blog post?

6. Have you ever corrected someone’s grammar in a non-formal communication like a chat, email or blog post?