**cough**nokidding**cough**

A recent archaeological study commissioned and funded by the United States Army has yielded a surprising discovery just east of Front Street in Philadelphia, Pa. Some military historians are calling this the most astonishing military-themed find since the unearthing of the Terracotta Army in rural China.

The dig has uncovered evidence suggesting that Tun Tavern — the beloved institutional Mecca of the United States Marine Corps — was an active gay bar when the Corps’ first officers used it to recruit the original Continental Marines in 1775.

Oh come ON. That is just jealousy because we have cool uniforms and the Army still has those sack-of-shit avocado green monstrosities that scream “I should have muttonchop sideburns!”.

As for those blue thingies, everybody looks like they are going to the Fireman’s Fundraiser. It is worse with the trousers tucked into boots, because they look like they are doormen at the Ritz and rode their bikes to work and forgot to untuck their trouser legs.

And all the gizmos and baubles on even a brand new Private reminds me of this: