Plårp, Plårp, Plårp!

For much of this week, Phillip just made a lot of animal noises in the closet. Finally, this morning, he slipped a note under the door with the following scribbled on it, in what looked like crayon:

It’s awful dark in here. Where are all the grues hiding? I know one’s going to eat me!

Ambrose Burnside spoke to me again a couple days ago: He said something about Adolf Hitler chewing on George Bush’s tail. I don’t know what that means, but it sure was pweefully funny and made me laugh a lot! Then he said something about the Englebee Troobles and I had this crazy flashback to when I was in Afghanistan looking for them and got my face gnawed off by rats in a prison! That was fun, too! The flashback was so vivid I wet myself!

Sincerely,

Phillip Norbert Årp

P.S.: Do you have any more umbrellas out there, dearest delicate-toed sister of mine? I swallowed two and the third got jammed in my sinuses. Help!

P.P.S.: How are your delicate little toes, Plårp?

The facts speak for themselves! What more do you need!? Won’t somebody please drag him off to the loonybin!?