Who, What, Where, Ed/Script

[Ed is in the kitchen, playing with a yo-yo.]Ed: "Boy, I'm good! Yo yo, yo yo yo, yo..."Edd: "Just as I thought. One teaspoon of butter, perfectly measured. Eddy?"Eddy: "Got it Double D." [He grabs the entire stick. Cooking at the stove] "You guys haven't lived till you've tried one of my omelets. Ed, eggs, I need eggs!"Ed: "I got 'em, Eddy!" [He ties himself up in his yo-yo string.] "Almost there, Eddy!" [He tries to walk forward but falls.]Edd: "Ed! You're pitting the floor!"Ed: "Aw no way, Double D, not since I had my braces removed."Eddy: "Eggs, Ed, eggs!"Ed:[opening the freezer] "Eggs eggs eggs eggs eggs eggs eggs." [He finds a popsicle.] "Pop freeze!"Eddy:[putting way too much salt in the pan] "You won't find eggs in the freezer, Monobrow! Look in the fridge? Next to the milk?"Ed:[his tongue stuck to the freezer] "I'll be right back, Eddy!" [He looks through the fridge.] "I found some eggs!"Eddy: "Bring 'em over, I'm starving!"Ed: "I'm Ed!"[Ed brings them over, his tongue still stuck. His tongue knocks the fridge over, and it stops him, pulling him back.]Ed: "Got them!"[Ed falls, releasing the eggs. The eggs fly all over the place. Eddy holds up his pan to protect himself.]Eddy:[getting up] "Hmm. Ed? Oh Ed?"Ed:[licking his treat] "Banana flavor, Eddy! Wanna bite?"Eddy: "Hold that thought." [He smashes Ed in the face with the frying pan.]

[Eddy and Edd are trying to clean the eggs off of themselves.]Edd: "No eggs, no omelets, Eddy."Eddy: "If we had a chicken, we'd be knee deep in eggs." [He gets an idea.] "A chicken! That's it!"Ed:[leaping on Eddy] "A chicken! Oh please Eddy, can we get a chicken? C'mon Eddy! Oh please Eddy let's get a chicken. Can we please?" [pleading] "I love chickens, Eddy!"Eddy: "Sure, Ed, you can have a chicken." [sinister] "But I get to keep the eggs."

[A chicken is sitting on a nest in a bucket. Rolf suddenly picks it up.]Rolf: "The hay is warm and tells Rolf all." [He pulls out an egg.] "Ah. The fat has been creamed, and I will sleep well. A fine egg. Rolf will remember."Ed: "Look! Chickens!"Eddy: "And they lay eggs! Hey Rolf, fire over that egg-maker!"Ed:[chasing a chicken] "Chickens are fast."Eddy: "C'mon Rolf, give us a chicken!"Rolf: "Has your brain turned to custard like half-priced pastry, Ed-boy? I give you no chickens!" [Ed drops the chickens he is holding.] "It is very simple, like yourself. You hatch your own fowl."Edd: "An opportunity to nurture the life and future of a domestic fowl seems appealing."Ed: "Where do eggs come from, Rolf?"Rolf:[picking up a chicken] "Let me show you exactly where the egg comes from–"Edd: "No! Um...eggs come from chickens, Ed."Ed: "Where does a chicken come from?"Rolf: "An egg, slowpoke Ed! My day is half over and you are half full. Goodbye."Eddy: "Wait! Rolf! How bout that egg?"Rolf: "You must trade for the egg, greasy Ed-boy."Eddy: "Trade? For what?"Rolf: "Sawdust. You want this egg, yes, Ed-boy?"

Eddy:[with a cup and a funnel] "We'll have a chicken in no time!" [He places the funnel in the cup.]Ed:[with a two-person saw and a log] "I love chickens, Eddy!"Edd:[on the other end of the saw] "I enjoy witty banter, but my arms are falling asleep here!"Eddy: "The sawdust collector is ready. Let's go boys!" [Ed starts sawing, and the dust slowly collects in the cup.] "I'd hate to do this for a living."[Edd, on the other end of the saw, is being pulled back and forth, slamming against the log on every pull.]Jonny:[running up to them] "Stop! Stop sawing that log!"Eddy: "How else are we supposed to get sawdust? Maybe Plank'd like to contribute."Jonny: "Oh no. Plank says–"Plank:Jonny: "–Kevin has lots of sawdust!"Eddy:[excited] "Kevin's got sawdust? Remind me to thank you! Later!"Ed: "I'm getting a chicken!"

Kevin:[lugging a trash can full of sawdust out of his shed] "Sawdust bites." [He wipes his brow.] "Doing chores bites."Edd: "Excuse me, Kevin, but we would like to offer our services and help you dispose of that–"Eddy: "Give us your sawdust, Kevin!" [trying to scam him] "I mean, sawdust is so heavy. And it's just lying around, doing nothing. Useless dust. From a saw. Eh?"Edd: "And our respect for wood by-products will ensure it will be distributed to a loving home." [The Eds grin nervously.]Kevin: "Fine. You can have the sawdust."The Eds: "YEAH!"Eddy: "Now we can get my egg!"Ed:[hugging his friends] "And I can hug a chicken."Kevin: "I'll trade you for...painting my shed."Eddy:[irked] "Trade shmade, paint your own lousy shed."Kevin: "No sweat. I'll just take this sawdust and–"Eddy: "No wait um...so where's the paint?"Kevin: "What paint?"Eddy: "How do we paint the shed with no paint?"Kevin: "You figure it out. Dork!"

[Jimmy is in his room, doing a still life of a fruit bowl.]Jimmy:[polishing an orange] "Darn waxy buildup. Perfect." [painting] "You're a pretty dog–huh?"[He looks out to see the Eds have taken over his studio.]Eddy: "How's it going, Rembrandt?"Jimmy:[running into a closet] "My fresco is ruined!"Eddy: "Jimmy, wait! Just give us some paint! Jimmy, c'mon!" [After recieving no reply, he tries to break the door down.]Jimmy:[cowering in a corner] "How much must an artist suffer? Oh, the torment."Eddy:[reaching under the door] "Come out here, willya? We just need some lousy paint."Jimmy:[sighting the groping hand] "AAAH!"Eddy: "Where are ya, ya little–" [a biting sound is heard] "YOW! He bit me! He bit me! Jimmy bit me! Jimmy bit me!"Edd: "A starving artist, I suppose." [he snickers] "I couldn't resist." [He marches up to Jimmy's door.] "Pardon me, Jimmy, perhaps we could interest you in a trade?"Jimmy: "A trade?" [he thinks] "Clams!"Edd:[taken aback] "Clams?"Eddy: "Clams? Where the heck do you get–"Jimmy:[opening the door] "No clams, no paint." [He slams the door shut.]

Eddy: "Clams? What's with clams?" [The Eds ring a doorbell.] "Could you spare some clams?" [They rush to another door.]Edd: "Pardon me, you wouldn't happen to have any clams, would you?"Eddy:[to yet another person] "Say, you haven't seen any clams around here, have ya?"Edd:[at another house] "Could we borrow a cup of clams?"Ed:[ringing another doorbell] "Can Eddy come out to play?"Eddy: "I'm right beside you, Ed."Ed: "Hi, Eddy!"[A sudden noise comes from the sewers. A manhole cover is lifted and pushed aside. Plank climbs out, wearing scuba gear. Jonny follows him, dressed the same way.]Jonny: "Boy, Plank, you're hard to beat when it comes to gathering clams!"Plank:Edd: "Clams?"Ed:[heading towards Jonny] "Is that Jonny?"Eddy: "The clam master has arrived."Edd:[scratching his head] "My, how convenient."

[The Kankers are sitting on their sofa, reading a copy of "Tire Iron Weekly" and giggling. The doorbell rings, and they rush to get it.]The Kankers: "Visitors!"Lee: "Out of the way!"Marie:[fighting with her sisters over who gets to open the door] "How's a knuckle sandwich sound?" [She pushes them away.] "Ha!"[She opens the door to reveal a tall man in a trenchcoat. Upon closer inspection, the man is revealed to be the Eds, standing on one another.]Tall Man: "Greetings, ladies. Um, we're doing a survey, and–" [His chest taps him.]Tall Man's Chest (Edd): "Eddy!"Tall Man: "Oh, I mean, ahem–" [his voice deepens] "I'm doing a survey, and–"Lee: "Our mom's not home."Marie: "Yeah, take a hike." [The Kankers giggle.]Tall Man: "I was wondering, how many anchors do you own?"May: "That's stupid."Lee: "You look familiar, mister."Eddy: "Huh?" [as his costume begins to shake] "Stop it, will ya?"May: "You were on an infomercial?"Tall Man: "Um, no, yes. I'm very well known. Quite famous actually. Want my autograph?"Ed:[sticking his head out] "I'm the legs." [The disguise collapses.]Edd:[clinging to Ed] "Oh my. Exposed."Marie: "It's our boyfriends!"Lee: "Eddy's such a weasel."Marie: "Group hug!"May: "Let's kiss them!"Ed: "Oh no, not me!" [He runs away, dragging his friends behind him.]Eddy: "Run, Ed, run!"[They leave the trailer park.]

Jonny:[on a swing with Plank] "Listen to the clams gurgle in the bucket, Plank."Eddy: "Got your anchor, Jonny." [He hands Jonny a rope.] "Allow me." [He spins the tire swing in a circle. The rope winds around Jonny, tying him up. Ed comes in, carrying a large rock.] "Wise trade, Jonny. Clams for an anchor. I'm such a sucker." [to Edd] "Quick, let's get over to Kevin's."[Edd points at Jonny, who has managed to get free and is clinging to the bucket.]Eddy: "All right, all right! We couldn't get an anchor. Can we trade for something else?"Plank:Jonny: "Plank wants to trade!"

[Sarah is playing badminton with Nazz. She draws back her racquet, but when she moves to hit the birdie she is unable to.]Sarah: "HEY!"Eddy: "Give me your racquet, Sarah."Sarah: "My serve!" [She hits Eddy into the net. Eddy flies back into his friends.] "DON'T EVER TOUCH MY RACQUET!"Ed:[pleading] "Sarah, we need it to trade for a chicken. Please?"Sarah: "I'll trade you for a giant teddy bear."Eddy:[despairing] "When will it end?"Ed: "Back to Jimmy's!" [He herds them away.]

[Someone knocks on Jimmy's door. He looks through the peephole.]Jimmy: "What do you want?"Eddy: "Giant teddy bear?"Jimmy: "Plums."Eddy:[growling in frustration] "What's with the food?"Edd: "Plums are good for you, Eddy."

Rolf:[picking a plum] "So, back again, wanting Rolf's plums, confused Ed-boys? Do you not want my egg?"Eddy:[exasperated] "Yes, we want the egg! But we need these plums first!"Rolf: "No plums, as I am still waiting for my sawdust. Do not fool Rolf!"Eddy:[sarcastic] "Oh, I know, let's trade!" [He fishes through his pockets.] "How about a nice comb for those plums?"Rolf: "I have many, thank you."Eddy: "I should have noticed." [looking through Edd's pockets] "Let's see, a 'Condensed Manners for the Advanced' book?" [recieving no response, pulling out an abacus] "Okay, a, a–"Edd: "Abacus, Eddy."Ed: "I got a yo-yo." [He plays with it.] "That is called 'Walking the Dog'."Eddy:[despairing] "It's over, Double D. No eggs, no chicken, no omelets."Rolf:[playing with the yo-yo and laughing] "It is so simple, I am enjoying myself!"Eddy:[hopeful] "Yo-yo for plums, Rolf?"Rolf: "Yes, Ed-boy. I have never seen such a thing. My family will sit around, telling stories of produce spread and Rolf's yo-yo for generations."Eddy: "Well..."Rolf:[giving him the plums] "Ya ya. Goodbye."Eddy: "Be right back."

[The Eds go from house to house. They trade the plums for the bear, and the bear for the racquet.]Eddy: "Ed, wait!"Edd:[pointing in the other direction] "Jonny's this way!"Ed: "Fore!" [with the clams] "Follow me!"[The Eds bring the paints to the shed, and the sawdust to Rolf's.]