Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Valentine's Day Horror Stories

I just sent this off to a columnist looking for funny Valentine's Day stories. This is one that happened to me...

Six years ago, I met my fiancé on an online dating Web site. After about six months, we became very close via the phone, email and text message and were preparing to meet the day after Valentine's Day -- it happened to fall on a Friday that year.

As Valentine's Day neared, he asked me for my work address. Excited, thinking he was going to order me some flowers, I quickly called my favorite mail order cookie company and sent him a huge box filled with heart-shaped cookies and other treats.

When February 14 rolled around, I watched as my coworkers' roses arrived, one after another. Anxiously I awaited for my special delivery. Would they be in a box or vase? Would they be attached to a balloon or a bear? While lost in a moment, dreaming of fragrant floral images, I was "awakened" by our company mailroom guy. No, my admirer didn't send me flowers, he sent me what felt like a book. "Hmm," I thought, maybe it's a romantic book of some sort? After I unwrapped it, my mouth dropped. It was as if someone played a cruel joke on me.

He did indeed send me a book. No it wasn't a book of love poems or anything remotely romantic... it was some goofy boyish trivia book marketed as "bathroom reading" - the front cover featured a large photo of a toilet paper roll. Inside, the inscription said something like, "You won't believe the things you'll learn from this book. I enjoyed it and now I'm passing it on to you. Happy Valentine's Day!" The next year I received a day of beauty and a dozen roses... So yeah, we're getting married in November of this year...