Thursday, June 7, 2007

"Like a Woodchuck Chuck'n"

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

Meaningless, just a tongue twister like Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear.

I had a substitute Hospice Nurse yesterday come to the house to take a sterile urine sample. The woman never stopped talking. I started looking for gills on her neck cause I swear she never breathed once.

This woman had no filter at all. What ever thought popped in to her head immediately came out of her mouth.

She had that 50 I.Q. stare and a nervous giggle like laugh. So it went like," I've got to take some urine, ho ho hee hee. Just a, hee,hee little."

When I went into the bathroom she explained to me that I'd have to clean myself with antiseptic first to guarantee that it would be sterile. After she handed me 6 large Q- tip like things with antiseptic I told her that 6 seemed a bit much. "Ho, ho, hee, hee one is good. Hee, hee whatever you need." 6 could have stained my entire back yard deck! I used 2, 1 seemed small.

She left me to do what I needed to do.

When she returned is when she really got weird. With my hands the way they are I can't always get my pants all the way up. They're up but they don't feel up. So I asked her to help pull them up a little more.

It wasn't what she did next but what she said.

Now before I tell what she said, let me explain that I usually wear athletic shorts and a t-shirt around the house. No one's around so I can be a slob. Yesterday, I had on a pair of baggy shorts with that bathing suit lining thing in it. So, I guess, I can see her confusion.

She pulled my shorts up and yanked here and there...... I started to feel like those kids on tv where two guys hold them and another gives a super wedgie.

I asked her as calmly as I could in this situation,"What the hell are you doing?"

And here's what she says to me."Well I couldn't hee,hee tell if you had two or three pairs of hee, ho, ho shorts on."