Clash of the Half Wits

The campaign of 2012 kicked off with the first GOP debate in New Hampshire.

The title of this piece, “Clash of the Half Wits”, is somewhat of a misnomer. It must be conceded that Mitt Romney, Ron Paul and Newt Gingrich are fairly astute guys. The problem is the fact that Paul is a tad dotty, and Gingrich is as corrupt as they come. That leaves us with Romney.

I’ll be honest with you: Of any potential GOP candidate to seek the Oval Office this year, Mitt is the first one since Gerald Ford whom I can honestly say that I won’t lose a lot of sleep over if he is elected – certainly not as much as I lost during the years 2001-2009 when Dastardly Dubya and Sickie Dick were destroying this beautiful country. Although I could never bring myself to vote for him, Romney is really much more moderate than anything the Republicans have vomited out onto the national political stage in a generation or more. The only reason he looks so extreme these days is simply because the only way to win the nomination of that disgusting party, a candidate needs to say and do a lot of really stupid things. Fear not. I have been Mitt watching for a number of years now. He is not quite the dunce he would appear to be.

Mitt Romney’s problem is that his “moderateness” is perceived by the Republican base as left wing extremism. Add this to the fact that he is a Mormon and you can come to no other conclusion than that he has four strikes against him. If the religious bigots who have hijacked “the party of Lincoln” end up giving him the nomination, it will only be out of sheer desperation; but I just can’t see that happening. Casey Anthony will be named Mother of the Year before that ever happens. Don’t hold your breath.

There is also the inconvenient reality of the health care plan he offered the people of Massachusetts when he was governor. It actually inspired the Big Black Bolshevik Boogieman who currently resides at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. Tim Pawlenty is now referring to it as “Obomney Care”. No, I think we can write off poor old Mitt.

SA-RAH! SA-RAH!

When you wish upon a star , makes no difference Then there is the “Palin factor”. As I’ve fantasized before, my dream would be for her to get the nomination. Not only would the candidacy of Sarah Palin guarantee the reelection of Barack Obama, it would be a months-long holiday for political satirists everywhere. Just think how mind-fuckingly twisted her campaign might be? I wouldn’t even have to touch my keyboard from convention to election. These things would literally write themselves!who you are….

Although she hasn’t officially announced yet (C’mon, Sarah!) she is making all the moves that would anticipate her throwing the proverbial hat into the ring. Her idiotic sycophants have even produced a movie (I’m hard-pressed to refer to it as a “documentary”) that praises her as the best thing to happen to American politics since the invention of the hanging chad. The title of the film? GET THIS: “The Undefeated”. No, I’m not making this up. I’m just not that clever.

Rep. Michelle Backman (Rep. Stillwater, Minnesota)

Recent days have seen a decided chasm in the relationship between Sarah and her compatriot in idiocy, Michele Bachmann. The first volley was fired off by Bachmann spokes-dude and GOP strategist Ed Rollins on MSNBC’s Hardball when he told Chris Matthews that Palin should not be taken seriously. It was a remark that riled the feathers of Fascist Barbi’s camp as you might imagine. I’m positively giddy with anticipation at the very thought of watching the two of them trying to take each other down.

Like a bolt out of the view, fate steps in to see you through.

Last week saw the utter implosion of the campaign of Newt “The Hoot” Gingrich. It really was something to behold: His entire campaign staff quit on him. It doesn’t get much better than this, does it? But our man Newt is gonna keep on keepin’ on. He told the Los Angeles Republican Jewish Coalition the other day that he has no intention of giving up – and I believe him. Hang in there, Newt!

I cannot wait for this debate tonight. Not in my lifetime has a more colorful assortment of reactionary freaks and fools gathered in one place to debate “affairs of state”. The comic possibilities are endless. Hopefully enough people will tune in to take a good look at what has happened to that party. This is too good to describe.

As of this hour, Texas governor Rick Perry is contemplating getting into the race: RICK PERRY??? Oh, please, fate.

About Tom Degan

Tom Degan is a fifty-four-year old video artist who in 2006 became so thoroughly disgusted at the state of America's national political dialogue, he decided to take time off to become a freaking civics teacher. He was born in Goshen, NY in 1958 and, after living all over the United States and Canada, moved back there in 1992. He is a high school dropout who in 1977 received an equivalency diploma (HEY, IT'S LEGAL!) He attended SUNY in Middletown, NY and in 1986 studied journalism at the New School in New York City. He is the recipient of the Presidential Medal of Freedom and has worked as a truck driver, a radio DJ, and a metal worker... OK, he didn't ACTUALLY receive the Presidential Medal of Freedom, but he DID get some kind of ribbon of sorts when he was in the Cub Scouts. He is the inventor of Cheez Whiz and lives off the royalties on the sales of that fine product. He loves children and little baby duckies. FULL DISCLOSURE: He didn't really invent Cheez Whiz. His address is: 2590 Rte 17M (PO BOX 611) Goshen, NY 10924 (845) 294-5714

Wellness

Carole Bartolotto: The problem with concluding that GMOs are safe is that the argument for their safety rests solely on animal studies. These studies are offered as evidence that the debate over GMOs is over. Nothing could be further from the truth.

Environmentalism

Margo McCall: There’s increasing evidence that adopting a plant-based diet is better for human health, the planet, and of course for the more than 9 billion animals that are killed for consumption each year in the U.S alone.