Bump. This thread was a funny read, esp. while in the "Reading Room". Now that most of the season is gone, there is bound to be a few more stories of the massive belly pains that intrupted the best shoots of the season.

Not hunting, but camping and fishing with friends and family at Lake Alamo, AZ. There are wild donkeys there and earlier in the day a F&G officer had stopped by to BS and told us a story of another camper that got laid out by a charging donkey the day before. He was standing in front of his camper and this jackass just straight up charged into him, slammed him into his camper and knocked him out cold. The officer rode up and found him like that, knocked out on the ground.

We'd been partying it up pretty good and it was starting to have an effect on my digestion. Lots of booze, rich food etc. That night (next morning?) I woke up around 3AM and have to go NOW. I'm sleeping in the back of the trailer and the toilet is up front off the master bed so I decide to take what it sure to be a marathon session of exploding diarrhea out to the desert. I marched out into the desert with my headlamp on and find a comfortable place to squat.

Everything started off well with the first series of rips and splats, but then soon I hear braying off in the distance. The story of the other camper immediately pops in my head but I push it out of my mind, until a min later when I hear it again. Closer.

Over the next minute or so I hear this donkey coming closer and closer, and now all of a sudden I start to freak out because I can hear the thunder of hooves pounding on the desert floor. At this point I turned off my lamp and I'm squatting there, scared chitless, praying I won't get trampled by a wild donkey. The jackass barreled by, running 10 ft in front of me at full steam. I was all done with my business at that point as the fear and adrenaline seemed to help things along but I didn't move for another minute until he was out of earshot.

i_willie12 wrote:How come every time you poop in the woods it takes half a roll of paper to clean up...

But at home sometimes you hardly need any paper... Never fails!!!

you haven't learned the 'woods wipe'. roll a little more than normal, wipe, and then unroll to the clean tp and tear the used tp off. wipe, repeat till done. I discovered this technique out of necessity due to a case of sudden onset diarrhea in the turkey woods.

this technique saves and conserves tp, so it will of course receive immediate emergency implementation status in the assateague household. there will commence much protestation and gnashing of teeth amongst the women folk.

assateague wrote:I'm not THAT cheap.

-on the viability of Pabst Blue Ribbon as a thirst quenching barley pop.

Went fishing with a buddy on Lake Fork back when it hade tons of flooded timber. We were way back in some when that feeling hit me. I tell my buddy he needs to find some dry land or a tree with fork in it. He says aw hell just drop em and hang your a)) over the side and get with it. So thats what I did. Just about the time I cut loose, my buddy hooks a bonified HOG. Im hollern instructions to him and he's hollirn get the net. I jump up and with my pants around my ankles and sh(( on my a)) I grab the net and get up on the front deck with him and help him land the fish. Were standing there admireing this monster when I glance over and their is a little ol man and women crappie fishing in an old bomber bass boat not more than 60 feet from us. I did the only thing I knew to do, I waved and tipped my hat and we trolled on.

THE PRIDE OF HASKELL COUNTY OKLA.unknown in other parts of the world"FLY YOU LEAD CARRIN BASTARD" ( My dad, 1919/1997)

bubba57 wrote:Went fishing with a buddy on Lake Fork back when it hade tons of flooded timber. We were way back in some when that feeling hit me. I tell my buddy he needs to find some dry land or a tree with fork in it. He says aw hell just drop em and hang your a)) over the side and get with it. So thats what I did. Just about the time I cut loose, my buddy hooks a bonified HOG. Im hollern instructions to him and he's hollirn get the net. I jump up and with my pants around my ankles and sh(( on my a)) I grab the net and get up on the front deck with him and help him land the fish. Were standing there admireing this monster when I glance over and their is a little ol man and women crappie fishing in an old bomber bass boat not more than 60 feet from us. I did the only thing I knew to do, I waved and tipped my hat and we trolled on.

Nice, way to play it off!

Indaswamp wrote:

jaysweet3 wrote:Looks a little small.

Dat's what She said....

Underradar wrote:We, the unsigned members of the HH, are not allowed to address such questions. But thank you for asking.

I had to take a dump once while hunting divers out of the boat. Just me and the dog.Made her sit on the front deck while I hugged the outboard. She got curious and came toward the back of the boat which dipped my bare bottom in the cold waters of Ky Lake. That will make you pinch one off!

Had a buddy crap in the hood of his coveralls while deer hunting once. He had to ride in the back of the truck to the car wash.It was all down his back.

Went hunting the other day, used the kayak to paddle out to a cattail patch in the middle of the lake, had a chew in the entire time, 10 mins before lst the stomach rumbles and couldn't hold it anymore, I decided to try and push it out quick enough before lst instead of holding it and having to go during lst. So I pull the waders down and do my business but as I'm going I smell this awful stench and there it is all inside and out of my waders and all top of it, my tp got wet from my bag so I had an even messier clean up, got no ducks thy day, headed back to the house, old lady complains soon as I come in the door and run to the shower to see it all down my legs, sack, hands and back. I don't know what it is but EVERY time I go hunt you can find me before lst behind cattails or behind a tree!!

Another story deer hunting, I couldn't hold it anymore as I'm climbing down my climber I hear crashing, bow hanging down by the rope I see a doe crashing up the hill being followed by a beautiful chocolate rack 8 pt 130-140 and she slams her breaks and he smacks right into the back of her both watching me chitting myself

ryano022 wrote:Went hunting the other day, used the kayak to paddle out to a cattail patch in the middle of the lake, had a chew in the entire time, 10 mins before lst the stomach rumbles and couldn't hold it anymore, I decided to try and push it out quick enough before lst instead of holding it and having to go during lst. So I pull the waders down and do my business but as I'm going I smell this awful stench and there it is all inside and out of my waders and all top of it, my tp got wet from my bag so I had an even messier clean up, got no ducks thy day, headed back to the house, old lady complains soon as I come in the door and run to the shower to see it all down my legs, sack, hands and back. I don't know what it is but EVERY time I go hunt you can find me before lst behind cattails or behind a tree!!

Another story deer hunting, I couldn't hold it anymore as I'm climbing down my climber I hear crashing, bow hanging down by the rope I see a doe crashing up the hill being followed by a beautiful chocolate rack 8 pt 130-140 and she slams her breaks and he smacks right into the back of her both watching me chitting myself

One time I was out deer hunting out of a wooden ground blind. The killer breakfast that morning had me stomach turned up side down. So I waltz out of the blind, lean on it and I'm poppin a squat. I happen to look up during mid squeeze and see the largest buck the hunting camp has ever seen, ONLY at night, standing not 150 yards down the road. Needless to say, he missed out on the crock pot!

Every time I read this thread, by the time I get to the post about the Asian tourists on the bus I am practically in tears.

Anyway it's about time to revive this thread and I have a little to add to it.

A couple weeks ago, lake was 6-7ft above normal, no dry land, and 5 of us were hunting out of a boat. Only place to go was either over the side of the boat, or when we got back to the ramp. Wind is blowing 15-17mph and I'm the one sitting farthest to the front of the boat. We're going full throttle across the lake and my friend's chessie decides she needs to take a dump. She paces back and forth for a little bit, then squats right in front of the person farthest back in the boat and puts a nice pile right between his feet. I was about 16 feet in front of it, upwind as the boat was going 35-40mph, and it absolutely wreaked. He's covering his nose with his face mask and everyone else is dying laughing. One of us is laughing so hard tears are pouring down his face, I am laughing uncontrollably as I'm getting beat to hell every time we hit a wave. I was laughing so hard and my insides were getting shook up so much that I just about peed my pants before we got back to the ramp.

UmatillaJeff wrote:By his very nature this tends to be a modest man who is loved by woman, children and dogs and well though of in all social circles.We will call him the 10ga man

So we were deer hunting in western Virginia and it was real cold - like 5 degrees. 4 of us and we rode in a car - a Chrysler Labaron. We are dressed in as much warm stuff as possible and we were all wearing full insulated jump suits.

We get done hunting and pile in the car and we are shivering and trying to warm up as we drive along. We stayed fully dressed in teh car b/ it was so cold. About 20 mins into the ride, it starts to smell like sh!t in the car and we all start complaing, pull over and get out to check our shoes and such to see who stepped in a pile. We're stomping our feet and looking around but nothing is apparent. Its now dark, windy and colder and just in the few minutes we are out of the car, the car was freezing again so we start driving again.

20 mins later the same thing happens - a waft of sh!t smell starts rolling around the car again. We pull over, same thing - check ourselves, look under the car, hood, check the trunk - nothing.

Back in the car and its really freezing now. 20 mins later - sh!t smell again! Driver slams on the breaks and we all jump out screaming and cursing at each other. We finally decide we need to do a strip search (not naked, but remove some of our layers) and there she is nestled nicely in my friend's hood of his jump suit - a lovely frozen yet thawing duece.

Apparently during the day he had to take a dump and due to the cold and layers he didn't make arrangements for his hood as he squatted to poo. The poo went in his hood and then froze solid due to the extreme cold. He zipped back up and sat there the rest of the day w/ a frozen stool staring @ him from his hood!

We figured the car took about 20 mins to heat up and that's when the duke started thawing each time. When we had stopped and got out, the thing must have refrozen just enough to hide again until the Lebaron warme dup again.

Anyway, this was a few years ago near Wythville, VA and if anyone ever found a full camo, inulated jump suit on the side of 81 you, sir, had the surprise of your life when you got it home.