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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

someday, I hope to hear exactly what the BAKERS have to say for themselves. how they excuse, explain or rationalize what they have done. also do the brides/families actually PAY for these travesties? Sharyn, I never really cared for that poem until now. you nailed it honey!

On that last cake…no gold ruffles? Wonder where the yellow went?They frosted that cake with Pepsodent…

(And on a side note: I had some small ants in the kitchen the past two days. They just appear for a while and then disappear, only to come back later. There’s no regular pattern – they just come and go at rather random intervals. I looked ‘em up on the internet, and, apparently, they’re Intermitt-ants…..)

I really like the last one. (I used to live in a purple house, don't judge!) Without the packing peanuts on it. That's just wrong. But it almost looks like they airbrushed the purple on it? How does that even work?

You Can't Always Get What You Want - begging your forgiveness, Rolling Stones.

I saw her today at the receptionA glass of wine in her handI knew she had seen her wedding confectionAt her feet a cowering baker manNo, you can't always get what you wantYou can't always get what you wantYou can't always get what you wantBut if you try sometimes well you might just findYour cake will end up on CW so people can mercilessly mock your incompetent baker so even though it still hurts you do have some kind of closure that brings you satisfaction in a twisted sarcastic disdainful way.

Sung to "The Draw"In my right hand, there's the cake you wantedIn my left hand there's the cake you gotSorry to criticize the bakerBut what's with the odd yellow spotDon't listen to the wrecksSee the despair Behind their tiersDon't listen the wrecksThink the bakerHad a few beersI can feel the wreckI can feel it hurting my eyesI can feel the wreck I can feel it hurting my eyesIt's hurting my eyesIt's hurting my eyes

Ok, so were the original butterflies in the second cake made of frosting? And what were they made of in the wreck -- wire?!?

Sorry, Janice, couldn't help myself. How awful. Did you scrape off the ruffles before you cut it?

@mel: While I usually ant-icipate your comments, I must inform you that your latest pun has cause me great pain. In other words, it was brilliant. I'm going to forward it to my client who owns a pest control service.

Having done some research on this, I must caution you to be careful of your use of humor these critters. They swarm and attack if they're ant-agonized by bad puns.

Just wow. That's why I always ask for a week to a month advance so I can get every detail of your big day down pat. I take great pride in not ruining your big day. I've had bridezillas, momzillas and even hubbyzillas. Got to get every detail or you're the biggest joke. The butterfly cake is leaning, I'm scared lol and where did the detail go. The gold spot, wow just wow. I guess ruffles really do have ridges cuz it's not even the same style. That first one, um wow. I would've been honest and told them my abilities from the gates.

@SuBee: sorry…didn’t mean to bug you….@mindy1 :-)@Stephanie: hahaha…good one (and never apologize for a pun – they are all good!!)@just me: nicely done….@TLC: sorry for the pain, but thanks for the compliment…and the forwarding. Also, thank you for your research, but I think I’m safe with the humor thing…no such thing as a bad pun…and great job with yours! (and I would never knowingly ant-agonize an ant…though I have annoyed a few uncles now and then….)

The butterfly wreck is really not that horrible, not nearly good enough for a wedding, or for the customary wedding cake price, but I'm looking at the topper and thinking they probably didn't pay a ton. I have discovered I am a wedding topper snob, anything that looks like one of the bridal party are there against their will, or are zombies and I'm judging, you've been warned. @mel, I literally face/palmed and I couldn't be happier that it started a punvalanche. Some day I will be smart enough to have a fantastically witty comment, but for now I just bow down to the genious that this perfect blog inspires:)

For the last one, I think this might be the first time I've seen the professional cake and wondered why someone wanted to order it. I think the gold & pink one is well-made but not really attractive. Those 'ruffles' look like a towel someone threw on the side of the cake. The 'wreck' wouldn't have worked even if they had sprayed the ruffle gold, but the purple cake on its own was nice.

@CBushLite: Thank you, and, well, I thought “punvalanche” was witty, so see, you’re doing fine! I’m not sure how this works, but Jen and john(thoJ), and their staff, put together this incredibly funny post each day that makes people just laugh and laugh, and I think that releases something in the commenters’ minds that creates the fun that follows. And by the way, the pests have become nuis-ants…..@Seabird: I think you’re right…and good play!

What I will never ever ever understand is why this happens. Seriously, are the bakers that deluded that they think they can do what they can't? Do they even LOOK at the inspiration cake? [like with the last one, they turned complex ruffles into lots of zigzags] Yes, people have to learn, but it shouldn't be on a cake that someone has special ordered.

Oh man I can only imagine the bride and her reaction to these cakes. Wow. I really hope the wreckerators responsible ran the heck out of town before the brides can get them lol. These just left me speechless.

1. Order a picture in a magazine from the grocery store bakery, and you get what you deserve (and vice versa).2. Users of toppers with "reluctant bridegrooms" need to be beaten to death with iron rods.3. "I want it just like this only different-- OMFG IT'S DIFFERENT" (time for a dose of clinical slapthology)4. This, according to the fragment of Aristotle's Poetics, Bk 2, as excerpted in Umberto Eco's The Name of The Rose, is the essence of Comedy: use base, vulgar persons, and take pleasure in their defects.

Laugh? Who could laugh at blatant misrepresentation and fraud like this? Personally I find it enraging. In any other industry there is legal recourse for such disgraceful fraud. Not only does this demonstrate how little the average bakery cares about your special day, it shows that they don't really care about their job in general. To brides out there I say you should be able to ask the baker for pictures of cakes they have actually made and include pictures of inspirations when possible. For my wedding I was already a fan and knew what perils awaited me if I wasn't careful. I avoided the big "professional" bakeries because none would accomodate my flavour choice (maple glaze icing between layers of white chocolate pound cake covered in chocolate ganache) and went with a local woman who worked out of her home. She forgot to make the layers white chocolate and made Devil's Food instead, but the cake was beautiful, otherwise exactly as ordered and only cost $350. Still insanely priced, but the copper maple leaves trailing down the tiers were picture perfect. The baker was able to show me numerous pictures of cakes and she was in half of the pictures so I knew it really was her work. She had a dozen or so testimonials as well attached to the photos from the clients she served. her leaves looked so real that the venue staff took them off the cake to serve not knowing they were edible. The pity? There were just enough leaves so every slice would get one on top to match the maple leaf theme. So much work in the trash.

Yep - #3 was ours - packing peanuts is exactly what it looks like. We turned the cake for the cake cutting pics so not to look at it. Oh gosh, it was awful. The baker's exact comment "I don't feel I did anything wrong". She said the "real" ruffle came off during her drive into the venue. She had delivered a cake to that venue before and told us the drive wasn't a problem. Yeah, right! Apparently she forgot how to drive. Not sure why she decided to put packing peanuts on it though. My lesson learned - venues have a preferred list of vendors for a reason. Use them.