Thanks, Chosen, for your sweet reply on my little psycho dog. He sure has some personal negatives! He is so aggressive with all dogs he sees, that weigh more than him...most of them. He growls at all "killer" K-9 dogs, that would eat him for lunch, Pit bull mix dogs, and huge scary dogs we see in the doggie store. I keep him sitting in the basket and a hand on him, so he doesn't go all crazy when he sees these other dogs.

When he is in daycare, the dogs are small like him, and there is a clerk to make sure all the dogs behave. He is pretty fowl tempered. I guess he thinks he needs to a patrol them. Is that the little Napoleon complex?

Since my husband is gone at tax time I had to again, wade through about 8 days of a biz/personal tax return that would choke a horse. I felt a little "poor little me" that I get to deal with all the details of life. If he were here, he is not equipped to do it either, as I kept the books for years. The last two years his company fails to withhold state tax, so I have to make sure to offset that in the return. My creative refund stands a chance to be audited so next year I need to find a good CPA and then set aside a fund to pay that tax if he has not got the hang of finding the loopholes.

It is just too stressful to deal with it all these years, Sometimes I resent filling in parts in a marriage where the roles are always blurred. That occurs more with a man whose job keeps him away. I sure didn't choose this as a way of life. Now I need to lose the built up steam and go paint and take some nice park walks with the dog. Otherwise I may let some of that slip when I talk to him on the phone.

When a brick falls off the China Wall and he is not here, it is NOT his fault. He begrudges me nothing, so I should not feel crabby I have got to take care of most of the chores. When he is around he cooks, cleans and does anything asked. He actually will be home before my birthday this month. He missed it 3 years in a row. I am sure some whiners, who complain a lot about their marriage, would not make It too long with that inconvenience! I am pretty stoic, but there are times, when I feel petty about the sacrifices I've made. I just try not to share that with him when he calls. I will paint a picture or whatever gets me out of that pity party. He looks forward to call home and doesn't need an earful.
Good night.

I can understand your frustrations. But it looks like you have good coping mechanisms. The separation because of work can't always be easy for you. I admire the fact that your life is rich with hobbies and you don't let things get you down too much. I'm glad he will be there on your birthday.

I was relieved to E-file and get taxes behind. His company is out of state, and does not take VA taxes. That means a state tax bill due. I need to put 30% banked aside, so if a new tax preparer is not as creative with itemized deductions, the money is set aside in a separate account. It is unlikely I will find someone who does it as well. I don't need the stress.

You were going to file separately and got pressure on that idea. How did that go? I had the feeling you were lulled along with a promise of getting back together, then told that wasn't happening. That was really cold. Did you think there was another woman?
Once people are apart it seldom leads to getting things worked out. The best time for honesty and work on marital issues seems to be while both are under the same roof. I hear some say they will do a trial separation. That seems to be the end, more than improve things. In your position now, I would not be rushed into any decisions without getting good advise.

Men seem to be able to bring down a wall more than women. I think women always want to reach out and make things better.

My husband is gone 3 months each tour, back 8 weeks and gone again. So at least 6+ months a year gone. He promised when we married he would never take a travel job. I picture when it was said that he had his fingers crossed, on that promise, so it doesn't count! It actually was for me one of the only conditions I had on the marriage. So we don't get a "do over" after 35 years! I think I do have good coping mechanisms and through the years made the time pay off for me. Of course, he would rather be home than breaking his butt working those long shifts, but he does like his job. He likes to see the world.

When one has optimism to see good in most situations, the view of our personal world is one of happiness and satisfaction. If we compromise, we don't lose anything to be the one who says "sorry" and we don't hold grudges. I can't remember having an argument with my husband unless I go back 25 years. We are almost boring, we feel so much alike on most subjects. Also, he is funny. One cannot argue with a funny person.

MY husband does our business tax return, but when you dont have much income or many assets its pretty quick. There are advantages to not having much money I have to say. It only takes him a couple of hours. I always did the money and paying of bills in my first marriage and still do the online banking now, but he does the business stuff.

I guess that your husband will retire soon will he? How do think he will deal with no more travelling?I suppose he may miss it in one way but not in another.

I agree about the separation thing. Unless there is cheating or abuse, its usually not a good sign, and often means that one spouse wants out. My husband and His ex did get back together after a year, but within a few months it all ended again after she met another man. Still her loss was my gain.

My husband will be back next week. I go look for two lovely hanging flower baskets to hang under the front porch area. The lawn looks beautiful and green, thanks to our lawn crew. They do a great job but delayed to plant our flower beds, for the harsh winter to plant May 1. Today is beautiful, and walkers compliment on how nice the yard looks, but I miss the lush flowers. We also have to prepare the pool as temps so warm now, it should be ready by mid May.

I married a much a younger man, so he has years yet to retire. This is a 1st marriage for him. My daughter was then 3.5. While we don't have to sweat a lesser retired income, as I invested/saved for this. The years left to work means a high income, but missed holidays and events for me. If he could obtain a shore pilot job, that would key. That isn't happening.

There were lots of lean years we struggled, I worked, he sailed and earned his place up line. He is a skilled tech specialist in high demand. Sometimes he gets back on vacation time, but flies when needed on a special repair task. He gets movie star treatment at 5 star hotel, earns thousands a day for 3/4 days work as he will diagnose/fix an engine. The companies pays millions in industry fines, if their contracts expire. They pay top wages for a tech to get there so they don't get fined or lose a contract. Their livelihood rests on a skilled tech. He contracts with other companies to do these emergency calls.

The work conditions are not normal. From my viewpoint here, there is a high likelihood I will be alone for a health emergency. I don't dwell on it, but that is a fact. My daughter is 10 minutes away and emergency can be here in a flash. I wrote the letter, directives, will, and leave a key to bank safe deposit box to her.

My time is still spent with the biz as I wind down, thank goodness. I paint in oil, do portraits in my studio upstairs. It is pleasant to eat lunch out in the Florida room overlooks the pool. It is beautifully scenic there. We remodeled that room last year ourselves.

I made a vow to end clutter so I sell off an antique doll collection. Now there is found money. I made good investment! This frees up the display/clutter space. Stuff converted to cash..I like that! I'm glad my husband will be here to help pack to ship. I made plans to gut this family room with fresh paint, new carpet and new furniture, so will work with painter next to get that started. My husband said, "Don't make me paint!" He is a terrible painter, so we don't go that route!

I look forward to select new paint and furniture shop next week. We have no mortgage, so our only expenses are upkeep and utilities. My husband inherited the family house in Germany so we expect a payout on that this year. We plan to renovate and install a new kitchen and redo the bathroom upstairs. I think it will be interesting to get some ideas as we go along. I plan a few days trip to the mountains when he is home this break. We will get in a cat sitter and take our little cranky Pekinese dog along. He is good/funny so long as he is not greeting a dog he thinks he can eat..like a big one! He sure can get aggressive. I may have to sign up with him and a trainer. My husband laughs and said it sounds like a couple hundred dollars wasted on that one! Meaning..he is not trainable, fixable. We will see.

I wish my daughter had time to input opinions on new décor here. She sleeps days/works nights. I think she is always tired. A police woman who work nights. Ask me about my stress on that fact! I wish she were a school teacher. She still recovers from a fractured hand on an arrest that was difficult. She didn't realize she got a real good fracture for several days. She goes to rehab to gain back strength in the hand and remains on desk duties. Her mother wishes she patrolled with a man eating large K-9 dog! (just kidding.)

Hope you are doing well. You have the right touch with many posters here.

I was relieved to E-file and get taxes behind. His company is out of state, and does not take VA taxes. That means a state tax bill due. I need to put 30% banked aside, so if a new tax preparer is not as creative with itemized deductions, the money is set aside in a separate account. It is unlikely I will find someone who does it as well. I don't need the stress.

You were going to file separately and got pressure on that idea. How did that go? I had the feeling you were lulled along with a promise of getting back together, then told that wasn't happening. That was really cold. Did you think there was another woman?
Once people are apart it seldom leads to getting things worked out. The best time for honesty and work on marital issues seems to be while both are under the same roof. I hear some say they will do a trial separation. That seems to be the end, more than improve things. In your position now, I would not be rushed into any decisions without getting good advise.

Men seem to be able to bring down a wall more than women. I think women always want to reach out and make things better.

My husband is gone 3 months each tour, back 8 weeks and gone again. So at least 6+ months a year gone. He promised when we married he would never take a travel job. I picture when it was said that he had his fingers crossed, on that promise, so it doesn't count! It actually was for me one of the only conditions I had on the marriage. So we don't get a "do over" after 35 years! I think I do have good coping mechanisms and through the years made the time pay off for me. Of course, he would rather be home than breaking his butt working those long shifts, but he does like his job. He likes to see the world.

When one has optimism to see good in most situations, the view of our personal world is one of happiness and satisfaction. If we compromise, we don't lose anything to be the one who says "sorry" and we don't hold grudges. I can't remember having an argument with my husband unless I go back 25 years. We are almost boring, we feel so much alike on most subjects. Also, he is funny. One cannot argue with a funny person.

Well, I do regret moving out after he told me he wanted to split up. I was gone in less than a month, and our house sold quickly. I should have stayed and fought for my marriage. I was so devastated by what he said I wanted to run away. There was no woman at the time. Did he string me along for months saying we may or may not get back together? Yes. Did he eventually say it was over by email? Yes. Is he dating now? I have no idea.

People do leave and get back together. My friend's wife moved out and eventually came back home. But I am expecting nothing. I am going quiet at my end. I'm in no rush and I am only going to contact my lawyer when it's absolutely required. I'm just tired, and I need a break from all the madness.

Yes, we filed jointly. I decided it was much easier for me. He took care of it all online and emailed me copies of all the paperwork and expected return--it wasn't much, but something is better than nothing.

Hope you're well. Thirty-five years of marriage is something to be proud of. I think it's spectacular.

It seems you had little warning that marriage was in trouble and no feel of his "pulse" on it. That must have been like a bolt of lightning! I can imagine you were rocked. Looking back now at how you might have handled that moment differently, is wasted effort. I hope out of the years you had together you came away with some survival skills intact. You need to find your confidence again and put it behind. Too bad there was no honesty, so you know the issues. It will be hard for you to trust yourself.

Love happens after divorce. One day it will for you too. Love happens when you would rather not. We can be wounded, but that is not all bad. There are men who want to do things for you and protect. My husband was a "fixer." He would not like me to say this, but I was a mess. I was defensive, and not doing a great job in the survival dept. despite my valiant efforts. I was a bit prickly to be around, as I was still angry at wasted years. He tells me he found that attractive, my walls. That makes him not too bright! He was used to women who wanted to catch him. I wanted to get rid of him, as I lacked trust.

God will, what he will. I married him in 25 days. So he is my darling guy and we "jell" in this life together. He knows I hate his job, but I'm proud of his attitude about it. He hasn't a stingy bone in his body and does everything to make life better for me and mine. I buy his clothes and lay them out. I cut his hair for years (better than the barber) he says. He has a barber now, so I paint. He cooks gourmet meals, breakfasts on weekends as crepes w/strawberries. He is my "rah-rah" team on my new paintings. That means he wants to free up my time so I can paint without interruption. I let him tell me the same few fairy tales in bed (in German, so my German stays fresh.) We like each other.

We also say what we think, and share our feelings. Here is what we don't do. We don't criticize, nag, swear/use profanity, argue or speak with a strident tone in a discussion. We are capable to apologize and can laugh out of most things. Neither of us are moody people. We are conservative and alcohol doesn't figure in the marriage. He likes a beer on occasion. I don't care for alcohol. He had a great family, I did not.

We had serious issues; unemployment, financial stress, serious illness, and made do with less years ago. We compromise when needed. We learn from our mistakes. I left a bad marriage and never looked back. I wanted no contact, except through my attorney. No anger, no emotion on that. That made it easier for us as a couple, no issues.

Thanks, Lindentree, for the compliment. As a couple, we have multiple differences, but we did well! We were raised with different social customs, country, language, age difference and social history. We do like the same foods, music, politics, and each other! I have posted here because there are people I help and people who help me.
Bless you and hope you have a happy day. You give sound advice and sound like a fine young woman and you will be alright.

It is Saturday here. I plan to watch the TV production of "Outlander," written by Diana Gabaldon, which is a time travel romance of early Scotland. I hear that UK ladies love this series of books. It is a fascinating, romantic and a sexy love story. I'm loving this one! I must be an escapist? I'd be on a plane tomorrow for Scotland with this story as incentive.

I hope I am not insensitive to talk about my good life. I was right where you are now. I tried to survive a job I felt was beyond my ability. I earned barely enough for gas, food, a car payment, and rent but wondered if I could keep the job. Life seemed over and I sure wasn't optimistic I could love or be loved again.

It seems you had little warning that marriage was in trouble and no feel of his "pulse" on it. That must have been like a bolt of lightning! I can imagine you were rocked. Looking back now at how you might have handled that moment differently, is wasted effort. I hope out of the years you had together you came away with some survival skills intact. You need to find your confidence again and put it behind. Too bad there was no honesty, so you know the issues. It will be hard for you to trust yourself.

Love happens after divorce. One day it will for you too. Love happens when you would rather not. We can be wounded, but that is not all bad. There are men who want to do things for you and protect. My husband was a "fixer." He would not like me to say this, but I was a mess. I was defensive, and not doing a great job in the survival dept. despite my valiant efforts. I was a bit prickly to be around, as I was still angry at wasted years. He tells me he found that attractive, my walls. That makes him not too bright! He was used to women who wanted to catch him. I wanted to get rid of him, as I lacked trust.

God will, what he will. I married him in 25 days. So he is my darling guy and we "jell" in this life together. He knows I hate his job, but I'm proud of his attitude about it. He hasn't a stingy bone in his body and does everything to make life better for me and mine. I buy his clothes and lay them out. I cut his hair for years (better than the barber) he says. He has a barber now, so I paint. He cooks gourmet meals, breakfasts on weekends as crepes w/strawberries. He is my "rah-rah" team on my new paintings. That means he wants to free up my time so I can paint without interruption. I let him tell me the same few fairy tales in bed (in German, so my German stays fresh.) We like each other.

We also say what we think, and share our feelings. Here is what we don't do. We don't criticize, nag, swear/use profanity, argue or speak with a strident tone in a discussion. We are capable to apologize and can laugh out of most things. Neither of us are moody people. We are conservative and alcohol doesn't figure in the marriage. He likes a beer on occasion. I don't care for alcohol. He had a great family, I did not.

We had serious issues; unemployment, financial stress, serious illness, and made do with less years ago. We compromise when needed. We learn from our mistakes. I left a bad marriage and never looked back. I wanted no contact, except through my attorney. No anger, no emotion on that. That made it easier for us as a couple, no issues.

Thanks, Lindentree, for the compliment. As a couple, we have multiple differences, but we did well! We were raised with different social customs, country, language, age difference and social history. We do like the same foods, music, politics, and each other! I have posted here because there are people I help and people who help me.
Bless you and hope you have a happy day. You give sound advice and sound like a fine young woman and you will be alright.

It is Saturday here. I plan to watch the TV production of "Outlander," written by Diana Gabaldon, which is a time travel romance of early Scotland. I hear that UK ladies love this series of books. It is a fascinating, romantic and a sexy love story. I'm loving this one! I must be an escapist? I'd be on a plane tomorrow for Scotland with this story as incentive.

I hope I am not insensitive to talk about my good life. I was right where you are now. I tried to survive a job I felt was beyond my ability. I earned barely enough for gas, food, a car payment, and rent but wondered if I could keep the job. Life seemed over and I sure wasn't optimistic I could love or be loved again.

Oh, no, I find your story inspiring! It really brings hope! I'm also fascinated that you got married in 25 days and have built a union that has lasted 35 years. Wow. Your marriage sounds like what a marriage should be--love, respect, and fulfilling each other's needs, as well as your own.

You're right that I need to get my confidence back. Also, at this point I'm more worried about trusting anyone else. I've been deeply disappointed by the one I trusted the most.

I have good and bad days. I'm starting to have a bit of hope for my future. I feel like I can survive whatever comes, because my worst fear has already come true. I hope that more good comes into my life again. I need to believe that. I also need to stick to your great advice--there's no point in looking back. How can I change the events that have already occurred? It's not possible.

I think you are an hour ahead of me. You're in Virginia, right? I am in Illinois on Central time. I have never heard of Outlander. I'll have to check it out. Last night I watched Orphan Black on BBC America. It's a Canadian sci-fi show. I don't usually care for science fiction, but I love Orphan Black.

I am in Virginia Beach, Va. (Eastern time). The city is a beach resort and home to the Naval fleet. This area has more young men than most cities in the US! VB is a mecca for sun seekers, surfers, college students and foreign students on work visas who hope to settle here. Military often retire here as my family. We are 3.5 hours from Washington, DC, so we day trip to mountains and cultural events. Mostly it is the great weather.

Hurray, it starts to rain and that saves me a trip to carwash to get rid of yellow pollen. My husband will get into San Diego and fly East. I have no flight info yet. I was going to buy flower baskets for the porch. He said," hold off' so he hangs them. Today is quiet.

The Outlander program by Diana Gabaldon (google) wrote 8 book series. A time travel romance that is quite fabulous. It is like a BBC production w/beautiful people, costumes, and scenes of 1700's UK and Scotland.

Since no children mentioned, it will be easier for you to relocate/begin again.
Remember, a "do over" means you probably have a list of things you don't want for in future. My older brother met/married his wife on short time too. So, forget the advice, you need to know someone X amount of time. He met her, married her on THIRD day. He was a Marine, on leave, met her at a dance. She, an Iowa farm girl who took a job in the big city . She was 18, he 21.
Married? 59 years!

I hope you have a great day. Keep yourself positive. This is a good time to work on your personal issues. Your appearance, grooming, weight, education. Listen to beautiful music, think spiritual thoughts and you will attract the positives in the Universe. If you swear, smoke or drink...don't. Like attracts like. If you are attracted to smart, positive, athletic men..so they are too looking for similar. That is how it works. Shiny people who smile and are energetic, are really going to draw others to them. Soon it becomes a habit, what you learn and practice.
Have a great day!

I am in Virginia Beach, Va. (Eastern time). The city is a beach resort and home to the Naval fleet. This area has more young men than most cities in the US! VB is a mecca for sun seekers, surfers, college students and foreign students on work visas who hope to settle here. Military often retire here as my family. We are 3.5 hours from Washington, DC, so we day trip to mountains and cultural events. Mostly it is the great weather.

Hurray, it starts to rain and that saves me a trip to carwash to get rid of yellow pollen. My husband will get into San Diego and fly East. I have no flight info yet. I was going to buy flower baskets for the porch. He said," hold off' so he hangs them. Today is quiet.

The Outlander program by Diana Gabaldon (google) wrote 8 book series. A time travel romance that is quite fabulous. It is like a BBC production w/beautiful people, costumes, and scenes of 1700's UK and Scotland.

Since no children mentioned, it will be easier for you to relocate/begin again.
Remember, a "do over" means you probably have a list of things you don't want for in future. My older brother met/married his wife on short time too. So, forget the advice, you need to know someone X amount of time. He met her, married her on THIRD day. He was a Marine, on leave, met her at a dance. She, an Iowa farm girl who took a job in the big city . She was 18, he 21.
Married? 59 years!

I hope you have a great day. Keep yourself positive. This is a good time to work on your personal issues. Your appearance, grooming, weight, education. Listen to beautiful music, think spiritual thoughts and you will attract the positives in the Universe. If you swear, smoke or drink...don't. Like attracts like. If you are attracted to smart, positive, athletic men..so they are too looking for similar. That is how it works. Shiny people who smile and are energetic, are really going to draw others to them. Soon it becomes a habit, what you learn and practice.
Have a great day!

Hi 1aokgal,

I knew my husband for two years before I married him. It really didn't matter in the long run. My marriage failed. But what a great story about your brother and his wife! 59 years! Sometimes when you know you know...

VB sounds fabulous. I'm not really sure where I want to relocate. I plan to move in about 15 months.

It's been raining a lot where I am, too. Is your husband coming for your birthday? That's what I think you said. If your birthday is soon, happy birthday!

I can't believe I haven't heard about Outlander. From what I've read, both the show and books are pretty popular.

I had not heard of the books, before I saw advance previews of the program 2013. The books are on best seller list and I bought the first one. Great story and a production with beautiful people and fabulous costumes. The actress is English and the man she loves is from Scotland, and actor is a Scot. It is a steamy romance with a huge audience and has made the author wealthy. If you google you may find channel in your area.

My husband returns this week, before BD on 29th. Thanks for your good wishes! He hasn't sent the flight info yet. So his relief is not there. That tells me he is delayed. What's new? That is the way of it ..unpredictable. Today is upper 70's and beautiful. I must call and get the doggie into the groomer so he looks very cute, with his little neck scarf. I hope you are doing OK today and get out for a walk with your little dog, Buddy.
I'm going to go for a drive by the beachfront. I heard my husband is not back until late Thursday. I will be relieved when he gets off flight in this city! I dislike flying and worry when has to. That's pretty silly!

One would think with 2 yrs invested in your relationship, a marriage would work. There is no certainty, except one has to look at a mans' character and values, to see how he might react. My husbands' family had no divorce, so his commitment was always strong. There is a high divorce rate in his field, and his younger guys will ask him about things at home sometimes. They see him as a role model. I see him as a patient man who can overlook little annoyances. I'm lucky he is tolerant and kind.

My husband was home for a week and here for the BD. He left after 6 days home to fly out again for a few weeks. Oh well! I have more time for chores, like to rid some closet clutter. I get more painting time to work without interruptions. I was offline this week.

Today was Mothers' day and I had a couple hours here to visit my daughter and grandchild. I don't see her as often with her night shift, which means she has to sleep days.

My husband was home for a week and here for the BD. He left after 6 days home to fly out again for a few weeks. Oh well! I have more time for chores, like to rid some closet clutter. I get more painting time to work without interruptions. I was offline this week.

Today was Mothers' day and I had a couple hours here to visit my daughter and grandchild. I don't see her as often with her night shift, which means she has to sleep days.

Are things going better for you today?

Hi. Well, I have had a very mixed day. The good part is I got accepted to move into this apartment I applied for. I am moving July 1st. I like it much more than where I am now, so that's good.

The bad part is--I was walking my dog, and he saw another dog and started barking. He's never done this before--he was so agitated he bit my leg! He broke the skin and it hurt terribly. I don't know if he realized it was me he bit. He went so wild when he saw the other dog. I am really upset about it.

I don't know if he was trying to get me out of the way so he could get the other dog--I don't know if he even realized he bit me. It's never happened before. He's a poodle mix and the dog he got so angry at was a standard poodle. I'm just very distressed about this right now. It's so unlike him. He has never bitten me before.

Good news on your apartment. Congratulations, that is a big step forward.

So sorry your dog gave you a nip. That was not only a little hurt for a bite, but it hurt your feelings as well. Those little dogs get agitated often around other dogs. I take Dipper (Pekinese) one half day a week to doggie daycare so he socializes, as he is terrible greeting other dogs, except there.

I hear that is a fear reaction to protect the master. Dipper goes nuts and last week we had an incident with a bad run in with a pit bull mix at our dog store. You can take your dog there and shop with them but he went berserk on this trip. I keep him in the push basket (like kid seat). I keep a hand pretty firm, as he can get really nasty when he sees the dogs, growling, snapping, barking and not the nice dog he is when he goes to daycare. There he plays and get along.

I took my hand off to reach for my wallet to pay. We were by the door at the register, he jumped down from the basket, leash dangling, to chase the dog coming in the door. It was a Pit bull! I ran behind as he jumps up and down in this dogs face and I try to get his leash. That woman goes nasty, hysterical, and her dog tries to run clear of my 10 pound barking little dog. I got him, apologized, and I was shaky how close that came to Dipper being hurt there. He was so aggressive, I can see where he could have bit at me if I got in the way of the dog. So he will get more daycare with other dogs, more interaction in controlled situations needed, such as an obedience class. That will need to be done with care. By the way, when he is in his dog bed, I have to wake him SLOWLY, to take him upstairs at night with me. He will growl at me, as these little dogs are set in their ways, like a crabby old guy!

The little dogs by nature, are very protective of family. Dipper loves daycare, but I sure can't take him into the dog park, because he acts like an attack dog. I stiffen up, so the dog senses my reaction, which may trigger his hostile actions to other dogs. I adopted the dog when he was 6 yrs. so no puppy trust time. I hope he gets better, but I think he won't alter much.

I hope you used antiseptic on your skin break and your dog Rabies shot current. I think the nip hurt your feelings, and your dog did not intend to bite YOU. I don't think he turns into a biter! When we invite a pet into our lives, there are adjustments like with a person we love.

You will enjoy to get settled and make your place nice with your personality. I have some redecorating to do here. I look at paint colors, carpet samples, and plan an update to a dull looking room. Fun to look in a magazine or two and get ideas. I bet you will enjoy that in your new place.