The prison blog of an Orwellian unperson. As shown on National Geographic Channel's Banged Up/Locked Up Abroad episode Raving Arizona.

17 August 07

Xena & Slope (3)

“Are you in touch with your feminine side?” Xena asked Slope.“Hell yeah! I take a shower every day. And I brush my teeth.”“I see him rubbin’ his boobies a lot. If he spent as much time scratchin’ his butthole as he does his belly button, he’d be a homosexual.”“My belly button’s been intriguin’ me lately.” Slope raised his top, and squeezed the beginnings of a paunch.“It looks like a girl’s coochie,” Xena said. “It probably smells like one too. That’s probably 'cause he needs to take a shower right now to get back in touch with his feminine side.”“That's one pasty British belly,” I said.“Tasty!” Slope said.“No. Pasty.”“Why you gotta say that for?”“Check it out.” I showed Slope my pale midsection.“Your's looks like an anorexic-girl’s coochie.” Slope grabbed his again and gave a side profile. "See this? This here’s a shed, a tool shed. And when you’ve gotta tool as nice as mine, you oughta build a shed over the sonovabitch to keep it out of the weather.”“He’s actually an elephant, except his trunk is upside down,” Xena said.“When I’m horny,” Slope said, “I set my tool on the sink and bang it with a shampoo bottle.”“At least he doesn’t use the shampoo bottle in the way that some people do in here,” Xena said.“I tie a brogan to it, and do curls.” Slope said.“Slope does dick-lifts,” Xena said. “I do mine with a wet rag or towel.”“By the way, Xena. My parents censored the dick-lift blogs.”“They did!”“Yeah. How many reps are you doing these days?”“One-hundred and six.”“Wow! Without stopping?”“Every once in awhile, for some relief.”“We’d better change the subject or this won’t get posted. Is it true Bones wants to marry you?”“No. But he’s having strange dreams about women with a little something extra.”“Hmmm..”