2000 Mileshttps://2000miles.wordpress.com
Two friends, too far apart.Sat, 12 May 2018 20:48:52 +0000enhourly1http://wordpress.com/https://s0.wp.com/i/buttonw-com.png2000 Mileshttps://2000miles.wordpress.com
Uncomfortablehttps://2000miles.wordpress.com/2018/05/12/uncomfortable/
https://2000miles.wordpress.com/2018/05/12/uncomfortable/#respondSat, 12 May 2018 20:42:42 +0000http://2000miles.wordpress.com/?p=2883You remember how I said that maybe “uncomfortable” was going to be my word for the year? I changed my mind. That can stop at any time.

I meant the positive side, the growing, the stretching, the doing of scary things. Exhilaration. Saying yes.

A few of my favorite things: I worked from patios, I went to patios without working, and I read a lot. I dogsat for The Best Dog Ever and got some snuggles while also getting paid.

I tried a new Lao restaurant and it was amazingly delicious.

I went to Clarksdale, MS, for their Juke Joint Festival. It turns out that I am a big fan of live blues shows.

I made another batch of tamales to tide me over for the next couple of months. Making tamales is laborious as hell, y’all.

Being vulnerable/taking first steps/networking. Yes, this is all three in one. I hired an interview coach and she’s great! She’s really helping me clarify some things and better articulate my experience. A++ love her.

Forget FOMO: I can’t even remember who I’ve muted or unfollowed on social media, and I love it.

This month, I definitely had a few Don’t Wanna days but that’s just how it’s gonna go. I’ve been applying for jobs spottily, but I haven’t see much that’s sounded all that great. That said, I am keeping my eyes open for compelling roles and have done a lot of other things to move forward.

Make things: I finished the hat from March and made another one. I also started a crocheted blanket. I do not love the yarn I’m using for the blanket, so we’ll see if I continue.

Read 20 books: I read four more books in April, for a total of 13 so far. The most interesting thing I’ve read this year is Naomi Alderman’s The Power. Please read it so I have someone to discuss it with.

Make the decision, go for the gusto, do the scary thing. Wear the bright nail polish.

I paid someone to do my taxes, which I’ve never done before. He finished them in 30 min. Taxes make me super nervous, and wow I am always going to have someone else do them.

I got a new client! I convinced them to give me monies! At a worthwhile rate!

I fired my old client because they were a pain. Thanks for thinking through it with me.

A few of my favorite things: I visited a flower farm, hung out with a lot of dogs, had a bonfire and spent time on patios.

I read my updates from the Shine app, which is pretty great for reminding me to pause, take a deep breath and cut myself some freaking slack.

I went to the beach with my mom and stepdad. Good to see them, the beach and palm trees.

I’ve been cooking from my freezer and pantry, which makes me feel very resourceful and glad to not be shopping/spending more money. This means I made a super-weird-looking tomato sauce from sundried tomatoes, but generally this has been good. I have found that I have a decent amount of freezer-burnt food, including meat, which horrifies my thrifty Midwestern heart.

Taking tiny first steps: I haven’t, say, put up anything more than a contact form on my portfolio site, but I’m also just going for it with client work and applying for full-time gigs.

Being vulnerable: I’ve sent cards with actual feelings, and I’ve reached out to people when I’ve felt upset (rather than dumping it all on you, Steph!). A++ this is exhausting.

Forget FOMO: I’ve unfollowed certain Instagram accounts, and I feel like I’ve muted nearly everybody on Facebook. FB is actually useful in the job search, so I haven’t abandoned it. I think I’d like to drop it for a while down the road, though.

Networking: not so much in March—can we call stepping away from networking self-care? I was vulnerable in asking people for interview feedback or whether they knew coaches, and that feels more important than shaking hands. (See also “being vulnerable is exhausting.”)

I did the things that make me feel better. Not every day, and I had a slump for a couple of weeks, but I did some yoga and my mood immediately improved. I’m back to Tackling The Things and that feels good.

Make things: I’m in the middle of an embroidery project. I also knitted a hat and three-quarters.

Read 20 books: I’m at nine so far this year, so I’m well on track! I haven’t been super impressed by anything yet. I’m part-way through several others that I might never pick up again—I’m letting myself do that, shake off the thing that isn’t working.

Make the decision, go for the gusto, do the scary thing. Wear the bright nail polish. Embrace it: I tried the nail polish I never wear. It stained my fingernails, which I think is a pretty apt metaphor for how this year is going! You try a thing, it changes you, you keep doing it or you don’t, and all of that is a good thing.

It was a tough year, and to be honest, Trump’s presidency and the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad things he and our elected officials are capable of took the wind out of my sails. And my job sucked, and then it was gone. And then I had room to breathe and think and start to feel again, without constantly running from or to a goal or deadline. And that, too, can be really hard.

Here’s what I learned in 2017:

I have learned that I have vast reserves of hope. They run deeper than I thought. When things don’t go the way I planned, or when they go the opposite way of how I wanted, I can get back up again and find something to believe in or fight for.

I don’t mean I’m a Pollyanna who refuses to admit the reality of a situation—that isn’t me; I like to acknowledge what I’m working with, maybe too much—but I can find that light of hope that helps keep us going. And let me be clear, this isn’t always a comfortable or fun process. Sometimes it’s a grind, like sending out yet another cover letter. But I can do it, and be ok, with lots of coffee and my friends by my side.

I have learned that grief isn’t a linear process. It comes in waves, swooping in, crashing over me, and sometimes leaving just as suddenly. Grief doesn’t ask your permission, and it doesn’t always come when you expect it. Tucked into the gold frame of one of my mirrors is a black and white photo of my two-years-gone grandmother as a young woman. She’s holding something aloft (I can’t tell what, because the photo is too fuzzy), but it looks like she’s waving. I never know when catching her waving hand out of the corner of my eye will make me cry. Yesterday, it didn’t. Today, it did.

I have learned that avoiding your feelings doesn’t mean that you won’t feel them—it usually means you’ll feel them again and again and again. It might be in tiny little doses as your mind touches on the idea and glances away, but you’ve gone ahead and felt it, so you may as well process it. I don’t like all the feelings I feel, but I’m also learning that I need to feel them anyway. This is part of Doing The Damn Thing.

Writing also often makes me cry. Not even journal entries, I mean. This isn’t “today I am going to write about a hard thing.” It can happen when I’m writing about benign things, as I’m trying to articulate something that’s a little cloudy for me. Figuring out how to explain things is a good exercise, and if it means that tears come out, well, okay, I guess.

I have learned that I need to say yes more often. I have to stop saying no to things because I’m scared of looking stupid or because I’m afraid that I’ll fail. Or because I’m afraid I will succeed. Or because I don’t want to start something new and I want to stick with what I know. Or because, at 36, decisions are starting to feel as if they have more weight to them, more than they did at 35 or 30 or 21.

I have learned that my tendency for over-optimization is another kind of perfectionism and is something I use to procrastinate. I like to make lists, but I’m overly ambitious. No one’s to-do list needs 15 items on it every day. I’ll find myself thinking about all the little tiny steps I “should” do before moving on to the thing I want to do, and then my shoulders are hunched up by my ears and I’m anxious and frustrated.

Instead, I usually just need to *act*. What can I do to move forward? Does it even matter if I don’t do something in the very best way, or the most efficient one? Should I let the fact that this bit of writing has a (tiny) audience affect what I’m willing to say, or how I say it? Sometimes you have to just get it out, and sometimes you just have to get it done.

I have learned that I’ve got to be intentional about take care of myself, physically and mentally. Yoga and being creative and cooking while listening to music or something educational/entertaining (BUT NOT NEWS) is good for me. So is dancing around the bathroom while listening to Billie Jean as I get ready. I am making space for those things.

I’ve bene reminded that my periods of relaxation often make me feel sluggish and annoyed if I don’t balance them with something productive or active. Bingeing TV makes me feel awful. Podcasts, even interesting ones, blend together when they’re all a) political, or b) streamed one after the other. Reading the internet doesn’t serve anyone well in large doses—something I have to remind myself of often.

So what does that mean for this year? This year’s goals are about care and discovery and stretching. I think this year’s word might be “discomfort.” Getting familiar with it, rooting it out when it’s a discomfort like anxiety or fear, and living in it when it’s the discomfort that comes with trying something new.

That makes for less concrete goals than I’ve had in the past, but that’s ok. Let’s call these things to revisit throughout the year and thinking about doing.

Try the new. Get uncomfortable. Being vulnerable, doing new things, making decisions without thinking them to death, having the conversations, all of it is important for moving forward.

When I’m having a tough time, try to pull back and look more objectively at the situation, rather than blaming myself. I am good enough, and I want to show myself compassion.

Use my voice, because I do have one and can lead. I can persuade others to do the right thing.

Stop hoarding. or, recast: use what I have before buying more. Yes, it’s annoying to have to go without for a short period, but I’ve been cleaning out my closets and whoa, why do I have all this stuff. There’s stuff I loved once upon a time, bought a lot of, and then never used again. That’s so much wasted money and space!

Related: Try to how to get stuff done without constantly getting distracted—or avoiding the hard stuff.

Get a job, get a passport, get out. I want to travel somewhere outside the U.S. this year.

Look for the value in being soft. I don’t always have to be tough, or see myself that way.

Forget FOMO. Uninstall Instagram, leave Facebook, just admit I don’t want to get up early and hike like those other people—I don’t need to live anyone else’s life.

Possibly get a tattoo. There’s power in bodily reclamation. I live here; I might as well hang up some art.

Get published by someone other than me.

Maybe start a newsletter?

Go to 1 networking event each month.

Try embroidery.

Read 20 books.

Make the decision, go for the gusto, do the scary thing. Wear the bright nail polish. Embrace it.

]]>https://2000miles.wordpress.com/2018/02/25/oh-hey-there/feed/0the-adventure-begins-mugTashaWrapping up 2017https://2000miles.wordpress.com/2017/12/31/wrapping-up-2017/
https://2000miles.wordpress.com/2017/12/31/wrapping-up-2017/#respondSun, 31 Dec 2017 19:14:50 +0000http://2000miles.wordpress.com/2017/12/31/wrapping-up-2017/Read More]]>Well, to say this year got away from me is an understatement.

I got more and more involved this year with my neighborhood council, running the website, leading and participating in committees and joining the executive committee. I find joy in that, but also frustration because it takes time, which is limited. I’m working on striking a balance.

I did so so many house projects — some paid for, some DIY. Our house is more liveable, but I still have more to do. Our house is gray! We have new lights outside! We’re installing security cameras! I painted the brass fireplace surround! One shower doesn’t leak anymore! I made new pillow covers for our living room! I made Christmas wreaths! I painted our porch floor! I painted our shed! I got rid of a lot of outdoor clutter!

I didn’t roll my 401ks. I spent much of the year stressed out. My garage is still a mess. I barely read any books.

I saved $600 on car insurance. I saved $340 on my cell phone plan. I found a better pool cleaning company.

I swam in my pool A LOT. I cheered Thomas on while he played on a soccer team for the first time — he even scored goals! I met more neighbors. One of my really good friends moved 10 minutes from me.

It feels like a bad year, but it could have been worse!

]]>https://2000miles.wordpress.com/2017/12/31/wrapping-up-2017/feed/0Stephanie2017 goals: January progresshttps://2000miles.wordpress.com/2017/02/26/2017-goals-january-progress/
https://2000miles.wordpress.com/2017/02/26/2017-goals-january-progress/#respondSun, 26 Feb 2017 06:30:40 +0000http://2000miles.wordpress.com/?p=2832Read More]]>1. Do what I can do to make a difference.
In January, I was sworn in as a resident board representative on my local neighborhood council. In my zone, we have about 100,000 people, including students from our local Cal State University.

I marched in my local Women’s March on Jan. 21.

I counted homeless in LA on Jan. 24.

I called my representatives multiple times about six issues that are important to me. I wrote 24 postcards. I wrote 10 emails.

I am making people listen to my voice. It feels harder living in California. I agree with my reps; they’re already doing what I want.

But I’ve also started thinking strategically about how to have conversations with people who voted differently than me. I want to win hearts and minds.

Living with the 45th president is scary as shit, though.

2. Consume less. For years, I’ve been eating fewer things that are processed and making more myself and reusing. I buy less. I own less. Everything I want from the world is less.

Clothing: $0/$262.50. I bought no clothes in January.

House: I’m pledging to scour Craigslist/Freecycle/Buy Nothing/ReStore for two weeks before buying items for my house in 2017. I made two benches. I bought paint (matching an existing color in my house). I also used a leftover sample from our kitchen project.

Food: I don’t think I’ve gotten terribly better, but we did do Gobble boxes for a few weeks and that was helpful — we didn’t buy groceries we didn’t use, and it made dinner on the weekends easier.

3. Move my 401(k)s.

I signed up for a rollover account, but I need to call to finalize things and haven’t gotten there. February!

4. Save.

DIY: I need to tackle some home projects myself to save a few thousand dollars.

I painted my entry way.

$3,000: This is actually going to be hard because Josh was off most of January when he normally isn’t. We used savings to cover it, but I want to pay that back AND add $3,000 this year.

$1,000: This is the amount I want to add to Thomas’ savings in 2017. $0/$1,000.

Stock purchase: Holding strong for now. Raises are in June, so no need to change my election yet.

Josh and I discussed budgeting and he’s tentatively on board with YNAB.

Because I was lazy, the hairpin legs I wanted were $20 less per four-pack ($49.99 vs. $69.99) on Amazon.

I bought them and we bought screws at OSH, and now, ta-da!

Benches, complete with green hungry hippo.

I still need to put vanish on them, but at least we have alternate seating for the next chair break. I have varnish in the garage, so I just need to dig it out. I also need to figure out some solution to protect our wood floors. Considering wrapping the bottom of the legs with yarn.

The grand total is (rounded up) $115 for two benches.

]]>https://2000miles.wordpress.com/2017/01/16/benches-part-2/feed/0StephanieBencheshttps://2000miles.wordpress.com/2017/01/13/benches/
https://2000miles.wordpress.com/2017/01/13/benches/#commentsFri, 13 Jan 2017 07:13:04 +0000http://2000miles.wordpress.com/?p=2823Read More]]>Years ago, I scoured to find dining chairs that worked with our old house and our dining room table. It was such a thing that I ended up stripping paint from my table and restaining the stupid, free thing to make chairs I bought online.

I really don’t know what to say about that behavior.

Those chairs have served us well, but they’ve taken a ton of abuse since Thomas was born. I, personally, have had three of them collapse while sitting in them in the past six months. It’s pretty terrible to be eating your tacos, wondering if your chair is going to fall out from under you.

The expiration date on the table approaches. We got it for free 10 (!!) years ago. We’re ready to pick something that fits our style.

And so, I’m building benches. We don’t like the tables out there. I’m going to build one. But I’m starting with benches to fill our immediate need of somewhere to sit.

My friend’s brother does some amazing DIY furniture, and this one caught my eye.

Everything in our house is white but we didn’t want solid. I mixed water with leftover paint for a kind of whitewash effect. I bought raw steel hairpin legs from Amazon.

I feel…. off. Uncertain. I’m not sure what will happen to my rights in the next four years, and it’s the first time in my life I’ve actively worried about it. And that makes me feel empathetic because I know there are many, many others worldwide who feel this every day of their whole lives. I feel lucky to have made it 34 years without this feeling.

Still, I’m in a family that mostly voted against my interests and that’s hard. I’m angry, and I still want to love these people. This election taught me that I’ve been too comfortable and too uninvolved.

2017 will force me to take stock of what’s really important to me — as a woman and as a mother.

So, goals:

1. Do what I can do to make a difference.

This isn’t about political idealolgy. This election cycle taught me that. I give zero shits about Republicans and Democrats and conservatives and liberals and libertarians. What I care about is patriotism and rights and equality. What I care about is being open minded and hearing all sides and digesting information and having informed opinions. I have a coworker who often says “I haven’t done enough of my own research to talk about that.” Wouldn’t it be great if more of us approached the world that way?

2. Consume less.

For years, I’ve been eating fewer things that are processed and making more myself and reusing. I buy less. I own less. Everything I want from the world is less.

Clothing: Last year, I had $262.50 of my $500 budget left at the end of the year. Some of my favorite clothes are ones I’ve bought at thrift stores for a dollar or five. I find myself trolling internet clothing sales because they are good deals, not because I need anything. I’m not giving myself a new budget this year. I’m going to budget myself $262.50 from last year and see what happens.

House: I’m pledging to scour Craigslist/Freecycle/Buy Nothing/ReStore for two weeks before buying items for my house in 2017. Or to make it myself if the cost/time commitment is right. Namely, I need exterior doors, countertop, backsplash, paint, etc. I got very lucky in 2016: I have one room that needs wood flooring and I was able to get it for free. That’s ~$2,000 saved on the cost of flooring, not to mention diverting items from the landfill.

Food: This is a biggie for me. We waste so much food and it’s awful. There’s probably not much to be done about Thomas at this age, but Josh and I can make improvements.

3. Move my 401(k)s.

This is a carryover from last year, and I’m going to try to tackle it early and get it off my list.

4. Save.

I lost sight of my savings goal in 2016, mostly because of the new house. We spent more cash that I would like to think about remodeling it. It costs 1/3 more than our old house each month. I can’t always put real dollars into my savings account lately, but there are ways I can realize monetary savings. Josh and I also are talking about how to pay off everything and invest better for our future (both for college for Thomas and for retirement for us).

DIY: I need to tackle some home projects myself to save a few thousand dollars. In 2017, I’m going to paint my house myself. But I’m looking for other ways to spend less, so look for blog posts about that.

$3,000: This is the amount I want my savings account to be up at the end of the year (not including any monetary gifts we might receive, but I want to save those monetary gifts, too).

$1,000: This is the amount I want to add to Thomas’ savings in 2017. When I was pregnant, I thought to myself how wonderful it would be to save $500/yr for my child and hand him the account when he graduates college, with $11,000 to his name and the possibility that might bring. In reality, I’ve been saving more.

Stock purchase: I divert 10% of my salary into employee stock of my parent company. My company matches 30% and adds a 20% kicker in years we’re profitable. I need to remember to up my contribution as my salary grows.

This might also involve making a budget. I’ve been looking into using YNAB. But I need to get Josh on board.

5. Find joy.

2016 was about just putting my head down and surviving. In 2011, I did the same thing. Only 2011 was worse. At least I didn’t seriously question my mental health at any point last year. Can’t say the same for 2011. If that’s not a glimmer of a silver lining, I don’t know what is.

Go on a long weekend, just the three of us.Find peace with a messy house. Or hire someone to clean it.

I might think of others, but I’m ready to share this.

]]>https://2000miles.wordpress.com/2017/01/09/2017-goals/feed/0Stephanie2016 recaphttps://2000miles.wordpress.com/2017/01/01/2016-recap/
https://2000miles.wordpress.com/2017/01/01/2016-recap/#respondMon, 02 Jan 2017 00:30:15 +0000http://2000miles.wordpress.com/?p=2657Read More]]>Well, I didn’t do a great job of keeping up with this, huh? Steph and I were talking about how we’ve both fallen off the wagon (I moreso than her), and we think maybe some kind of simplified, more frequent check-in will help. Neither of us wants to let the blog go, so we’ll work on it!

And onto the recap:

CRAFTY THINGS:

Knit a pair of socks. Mmm, how about most of one?

Knit a pair of mittens. Nope!

Get better at calligraphy. I’m fairly certain I didn’t even touch any of my calligraphy supplies. Did I really let a year get away from me?

Do something creative for at least 30 min. a week. Some weeks, I did this, and it was great. Other weeks, not so much. Definitely something I want to take into 2017, however.

FOR ME:

Send 1 card/month. Ha. Hahaha. Nope.

Reduce procrastination and time spent on the internet. I’ve gotten better at both of these, but I like to have the reminder. This goal is very tightly coupled with all the others: you don’t get stuff done and you can’t be connected with others if you’re staring at a screen and passively consuming.

Go to the Margaret Mitchell house. Nope! I didn’t really want to do this after all.

Go to Fernbank Museum. Surprisingly, I couldn’t really find someone to come with me. Some coworkers are participating in a thing there before too long, though, so I might go then.

Go take photos in the country. I mostly just stared at the country when I drove out, but I did get some shots!

I was reading someone’s 2016 book list on Steph’s recommendation, and came across this blog post. I really like the approach, so I’m ripping it off!

What are your strongest memories of the year?2016 sucked in so many ways. January kicked off in a terrible way with the loss of my grandma, and that’s still really hard. And that’s what it is: a loss. There’s a hole in my life that wasn’t there before this year.

There was lots of drama at work, with people leaving (whether they wanted to or not), but there were also some big accomplishments. I did a lot of really solid work and am starting to get some of the recognition I deserve.

But there are other things: the election (for better and for worse), seeing a friend I hadn’t seen in years (twice!), tons of patio and pool time, doing a ton of work on my apartment to make it a space I love being in. Seriously, I walk in and sigh with happiness when I unlock the door. It’s such a nice feeling.

What did you do that you’d never done before?I took my first vacation by myself, and it was amazing. I was nervous about whether I’d get bored, so I kept the beach visit short, but by the end, I was having such a good time that I tried to extend it. I should totally go ahead and book another trip now, actually…

I also picked peaches for the first time, went camping in the Upper Peninsula and went to Atlanta’s Bacon Fest, which is awesome and hilarious. I brought personal stuff into my office for the first time. About time, I guess—I’ve been there more than four years.

I also got myself flowers every week, which is the only resolution I’ve kept. I highly recommend it. It’s such a simple thing, but it’s important to have a little spot of beauty in your day.

What did you want and get?Personally: a lot of growth in terms of trusting myself and believing in who I am.

Professionally: a 23% raise—not too shabby.

What did you want and not get?Personally: my way, in a lot of cases. Probably for the best, though. I’d get spoiled quickly.

What would you like to have in the new year that you didn’t in this one?Peace, more time off (these might be related).

Quote a song lyric that sums up the year.I am gonna make it through this year
If it kills me.
– The Mountain Goats, This Year

What was your most enjoyable purchase?This is so vain, but my best purchase really was getting my hair straightened. It makes life so much easier if you aren’t forced to spend an hour drying and straightening your hair, only for it to poof up when you step outside.

Did you travel? If so, where?PCB for beach trips
Chicago
North GA mountains
The UP

Wow, is that really it? Next year I hope to use my SkyMiles to go somewhere awesome, plus either Mexico or Cuba.

What do you wish you’d done more of?Relaxed! Like, actually relaxed, doing the things I love with the people I love.

What do you wish you’d done less of?Wasting things: time, money, energy on things that weren’t worth it.

Compared to last year, how are you the same? How are you different?I don’t think my personality has really changed, I and I guess I don’t expect it to at this stage in the game. I do think I’ve come to trust myself, my beliefs and abilities more, as I said earlier. I’m also really trying to give myself and others more grace. We could all use a little more of that.