Yesterday Facebook was kind enough to remind me that a year ago I was reflecting on being finished with chemotherapy and facing my mortality. I reposted the link to that blog post with the single comment "A year later, nothing has changed."

i was immediately reminded by my friends that I have healed, that the treatments have worked, and that I looked "terrific." As much as I appreciate the kind words and re-assurances I received, my dear friends have missed the point. While I appear to be physically "ok," the emotionally effects are still there.

I try not to focus on my mortality. I try not to focus on my next three month checkup. I try not to believe that every pain or twinge I feel means the cancer has come back. I try to believe that I am going to kick this, permanently. But I have my doubts and concerns. My next checkup is a week from today.