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Begin again. Everyone makes mistakes. Even with the best of intentions, sometimes we as people don’t do as well as we would have liked. Maybe you didn’t put the time in, maybe you said too much, maybe you said to little. Maybe you had a bad attitude, maybe you didn’t act in love. Begin again. Right this very moment- Begin again.

The walls you build to protect you from looking foolish, may just be the ones that block your ability to truly enjoy living and laughing.

Ever found yourself limiting sharing all of who you are in an effort to not look foolish? What about fearing what your mate will think? Marriage is not the place to build walls. Design a relationship where you are free to be yourselves and can laugh in the comfort of each other.

Enjoying your relationship is impacted greatly by your attitude- your way of thinking and feeling about something. You get to decide if the work you put into your marriage is fun, worthwhile, and important or drudgery that is unnecessary. Marriage takes work, but the work can be fun and enjoyable! What attitude will you have about your relationship? How will you show it?

A new year is once again upon us. As the hustle and bustle of the holiday season winds down and the excitement of New Year’s resolutions also wind down, many people find themselves reflecting. Reflecting upon themselves, their relationships, their goals, and sometimes even feeling down for not being where they want to be. Many people find that their relationships especially their marriage relationship is not where they wanted to be. After many days weeks or even months of not quite getting as much attention as needed or being back burner-ed, people often find their relationships in a state of needed TLC. Are you in a similar place?

It’s time to get back to basics. Make a decision to take just a little time out of your busy schedule to focus on your relationship and learn to enjoy marriage. Over the next few weeks, watch for regular posts of small but majorly significant things that you can do to improve your marriage. Will you take the Enjoy Marriage Getting Back to Basics daily challenge? Start now. Have these posts delivered directly to you. Be sure to enter your information below.

Are you in charge of your life or is life in charge of you? That can seem like a silly question but the truth is – many times we run around handling things, situations and people that are not on our planed list. They are not even on the radar of what is important to us. At the beginning of a new year, some people make “New Year’s Resolutions”- unfortunately by now, many people are beating themselves up for resolutions that have already been broken. In this article we will take a look at one of the ways we can set ourselves up to succeed in the areas that are most important to us.

Are you familiar with the 80/20 rule? It is also known as Pareto’s Principle. It states that 20% of what we do produces 80% of the results. Need a few examples?

20% of the area in our houses require 80% of the cleaning

20% of your clients or projects require 80% of your time

or

80% of free time is spent on things that only provide 20% or less of desired results

It’s important to remind ourselves not to get bogged down on low-value activities that are not that important to us and instead stay focused on high-value 20%!

Our goals, faith, dreams, desires, morals, and families – those are the important things in the grand scheme of life. While we are not always in a position to spend all of our time directly on the things that are the most important to us – we can consciously choose to give those important things, those high payoff items – decicated time. What we must do is find the high payoff tasks and work on those first or at a minimum schedule time to ensure they get done.

Tips for High Payoff Items

Set a time for completing the task. Saying I will go on a date with my husband is not good enough. Setting a date, time and making arrangements increases the chances that you will accomplish this high payoff item.

Set a deadline. Is there something essential that needs repair or attention? Is it causing a bottleneck in productivity? Do you keep saying you will get to it yet you don’t? Give yourself a deadline. Either make that deadline or explore other options for getting the job done.

Need an example? Let’s say the garbage disposal is broken. It’s causing a slow drain and smells in the kitchen. Your wife has been waiting for its repair but it is slowing her down. Your might think – just scrape the food in the trash, and use the other sink – however there is more at play here. Unless you do things the same way she does with the same frequency you may not understand the build of trash, the mess that must be cleaned from leaky bags the children helped empty or the dog ripped into. If it’s important to your spouse –it needs to be important to you. Keeping your word sends the messages – you are important to me, and you can count on me.

Divide and conquer. Some tasks are so large they are easy to keep putting off. Have you committed to a special project with your child? Break the project into smaller steps that require less time. Example- did you promise to redo a room or build something but the room is a wreck? Tasks to be done together in smaller chunks of time might include designing the project, selecting colors, cleaning, organizing, etc. You don’t have to dedicate a whole weekend (while you could) when you do it little by little.

You don’t have to beat yourself up or give up on the things that are important to you. Decide to focus on what’s important to you by giving those high payoff items the time they deserve!

Money- is one of those topics that can cause major issues in a relationship. Many couples find themselves frequently arguing about money or avoiding the topic all together. Although money isn’t everything, it is a necessity in most parts of the world. Used properly, it can help solve a host of problems; used improperly it can cause a host of problems. You and your husband or wife need to deal with your money. This is true regardless to your income level. Money issues in a marriage are one of the leading causes of divorce. If the two of you are struggling in this area it is time to sort out your problems before they get any worse. Consider this a high priority. Here are some tips to help you deal with money issues:

1. Plan a time to have a financial discussion. Select a time you both agree to that is free of distractions and low in stress. Try not to select a time when one or both of you will be overly tired. Be sure that throughout this process your write everything down.

2. Look at real numbers. Don’t just talk in general. Look at exactly how much income you have coming in. Exactly what are your expenses? How much do you owe in debt? What are you spending habits? This can be an emotional experience. Now is not the time to point fingers or make comments on what has happened. This is simply a fact finding mission.

3. Once you know the facts, discuss your thoughts and feelings. DON’T POINT FINGERS OR CRITICIZE Each person should clearly state their goals for money. Talk about your feelings of saving and spending. Be completely honest with your spouse. If you love to shop – don’t pretend you don’t. If not having a large savings cushion makes you anxious, don’t pretend it doesn’t

4. Review your account structures. Openly discuss your views and check them according to your core belief system. To whom does the money belong? Whose names are on all accounts? Do you both have equal access to everything? Do you both agree to the setup? How will things be handled in an emergency?

5. Decide on your goals. Think long term and short term. Create giving, spending, savings, and debt reduction or investment plans. How much will you give to help others? How much will you spend on necessities? How much will you spend on fun? How much will you save? How much will you spend on debt reduction or investments?

6. Recognize what you don’t know. Don’t flounder in the dark- get help. Seek out educational materials, workshops, and financial advisors. There is always more to learn.

7. Work out who is responsible for managing the money. Who is responsible for paying the bills? Play to each other’s strengths and availability. Some couples choose to set a specific time to pay the bills together. A cautionary note: unless there is some major reason why this would not be best – both people should know how to pay the bills and access the money. If ever there is a time or reason that the usual person is unavailable or incapacitated – being in the dark about handling the finances is very dangerous.

Remember, this is not a one time discussion. Your needs, income, desires, and expenses will likely change over time. Remember to re-evaluate, check and adjust your plans and habits.

For some personalities creating and following a plan comes naturally and with ease. For other personalities it is more difficult to plan ahead or stick with a plan. Regardless to where you fall personality wise, everything can be made better in the long run with a plan. Your relationships are no different.

I know your family relationships are important to you. Many of you have shared that your husbands, wives, and children are the reasons why you do everything you do. It's not their importance in question. The question for you to consider today is : "How have I planned to show my husband or wife or child that they are important to me tomorrow?" (Of course it's not to late to consider today)

You see, so much happens over the course of a day, a week, a month – that before you realize it – time has flown by and you may not have shown those that you love most how important they are. It doesn't have to take long or cost a dime. Make sure you add your loved ones to your to do list today.

5 Simple Ways To Show Your Loved Ones They Are Important

1. Schedule a little time everyday to spend with them. Even 5 minutes just chatting about the day makes a big difference.

While the holidays can be a time of great joy and peace, many find that they are times of great stress, depression and anxiety. Be honest with yourself upfront – attack the issues not each other! Let’s take a look at some of the issues and consider how to minimize and prevent them.

What are some of the typical reasons for feeling down this time of year?

The seasonal changes that occur throughout much of the country. It is reported that during this time of year, with its changes in weather, time, and sunlight many people will experience a decreases in energy, interest in pleasure, healthy sleep patterns, connection with others and overall sadness.

Memories of lost loved ones.

Most people have the desire to spend the holidays with loved ones. Some of the most cherished memories are created around this time of year. It can be very painful to relive some of those memories or create new ones when a loved one is no longer with us.

Feeling regrets

The holidays falling at the end of the year also serve as a reminder that the yearend has arrived. There may be uncompleted goals, wished and desires to face. For some, watching others who seem to be experiencing “perfect happiness” without considering that no life is completely perfect nor without effort, can spark many dark feelings.

Lack of self care

Now is not the time to skimp on sleep, fill up on junk food, skip meals, over schedule yourself, indulge in unhealthy activities, skip exercise, or play superman or superwoman. All of these things are common this time of year and contribute to feelings of stress, depression, and anxiety.

What can you do to minimize the negative and maximize the positive?

Take care of each other.

Now is an excellent time to get as much sunlight as you can, stick to an exercise routine, get enough sleep, eat healthy foods, make and follow plans, and ask for help when you need it. As you are a team – lift each other up as well as hold each other accountable.

Recognize That You and Your Loved Ones May Have Mixed Feelings.

Remember feelings aren’t good or bad – they just are. Recognize that your feelings may go up and down, or change quickly. Choose not to let your feelings rule you.

Design Your Holiday

Given your current situation, how would you like your holidays to look? What experiences would you like to create? How can you make those things happen? Planning is crucial to giving yourself the best chance to enjoy the season.

Don’t Be Afraid To Leave Some Things Out

There are lots of different holiday traditions. Some that you may enjoy fully, some that you could do without, and others that just don’t work right now. Ask yourself as you consider which activities and traditions to keep up with questions like the following to help you decide which activities to let go of for the season.

· Will we still enjoy the season without it?

· Are we doing this because we feel we “have” too?

· Does it cause more stress to participate?

· Is there a safety risk involved?

· Is there someone else that can complete this task for us?

· Do we even like participating?

Concerning Gifts – Remember The Greatest Gift You Can Give is Love.

Try not to allow yourself to be caught in the trap of overspending or feeling guilty because your financial priorities are focused elsewhere. Do not create debt and regret over material things. If you plan to purchase gifts – set a budget. Give the gifts of Peace– choosing not to argue over unimportant things. Time – focus on yourself and your loved ones. Take the time to create cherished memories. Rest– take breaks without running all over tiring yourself and others out. The Moment– chose to live right here, right now – not in yesterday, not in tomorrow but right now. Enjoy the moment – it will never pass this way again.