“Derek is the gayest g–damn thing I’ve ever even heard of. Watching him on screen for one second is like watching a thousand hours of hardcore gay anal sex. He’s so gay that he makes Dan Savage look like Rush Limbaugh. He makes the gay pride parade look like a wet t-shirt contest. He makes Margeret Cho’s stand-up comedy look like Andrew Dice Clay’s stand-up comedy. That kid Derek is so motherf–king gay that while I was watching him perform ‘Yankee Doodle,’ Harvey Fierstein burst through my wall like the Kool-Aid man and jerked off all over my keyboard, and I wasn’t even surprised.”Notes on a particular character from a Full House review