do you want to stay married?

Friday, June 30, 2006

So you found my blog...

Or maybe you're finally getting in tune with what I need. I don't know, all I know is that I am one happy girl today. Yes, I did the kinky thing..(which I don't mind, and I enjoy the extra attention I get from it).. and you were amazing. Really, all it takes is a little extra attention to turn me from a grumpy fat bitch into someone who cares about herself and you. Thank you, whatever your motivation. There is definately some hope for us.

Thursday, June 15, 2006

A little bit on sex...

I know I'm a little off average in that I could get laid everyday and be blissed out. And I know it's just isn't that important to you. But if I could get some great sex at least once a week I would be a happy girl. Great sex, by the way, encompasses more than you jamming your hand into my vagina while I sleep, then steering me toward a bj and letting me do that until I'm tired and then finishing off with three or four pumps in me.

I have a face, and breasts (my god, the attention other men have given my breasts) and why is it I only get oral attention after I do the kinky thing? I'm clean. And how many guys would love me if they knew that I like that other thing you never do to me (the butt thing). Maybe you could talk a little, tell me how hot I am (I don't know.. lie if you have to.) I have ears and a brain, too.

I could go on, but you'll be home from work soon and I need to start your dinner.

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Not the post I'd hoped for...

I just need to pop in here and get something off my chest.

When, say, I spend the evening manicuring your hands after mentioning they feel a little rough on my nethers, I kind of expected to get some action. But you stayed up and played poker online instead. I was disappointed.

That's what I get for being fat, I suppose. At least you weren't looking at porn.

Monday, June 12, 2006

ROMANCE

We have been married almost six years. I don't expect flowers anymore. In fact, given your track record, I expect nothing .

Which makes a romantic suprise very powerful. Imagine this...

You never ever get anything in bed but straight missionary, maybe once a month. (I know, this isn't your reality, because I'm a girl who loves me some freaky hot sex, but bear with me.)

Now imagine, one random wednesday night, after the kids are asleep, I do that kinky thing you like (in case you forgot, check your browser history for the porn sites you frequent,) and then I pull off your pants and service you orally until I swallow, without any need on my part for reciprocation.

Pretty powerful image, I'd say.

So this would be my equivalent.

You call me on your way home from work to tell me to get in the shower and pack an overnight bag. You say you've already packed the kids for a sleepover at Grandma's, which you've arranged in advance. You come home and get the kids, stopping long enough to give me a gift of some sexy underwear which you picked out because it turns you on, in the correct size (which you know because you had the forethought to check the tags on my existing undies.) You take the kids to Grandma's and call me from the road and tell me to meet you someplace we've never been for a romantic meal. Then you take me to a nice hotel, and proceed to make love to me the way I like, appreciating my body and verbally admiring how I look, smell and feel. You know how it is.

You don't ask me to do the kinky thing, but I will probably do it anyway because I am so turned on. . You say sweet things to me while I go to sleep.

This alone would be enough to keep me satisfied for months and months. However, if you really were to go all the way, this would be a good finish...

You wake me up the next morning for one more round of seriously good sex, and tell me to go back to sleep, and order breakfast from room service when I wake up. Then you go home and straighten up the house. Maybe drop the mountain of laundry off at the cleaners, for a one-time treat of having washed and folded. You come back and eat breakfast with me. This whole time you have not picked up a book or played online poker in my presence. We get to go home and watch movies together because you arranged to have the kids at grandma's for two days.

Something like that would keep me on cloud nine for YEARS. If something like this happened maybe once a year, I would be inclined to overlook many of the little things that bug me about you, like your addictions to online poker and porn and your laziness in home-improvement matters.

Here's the thing:

While this is a nice fantasy, and I would love this type of treatment immensely, it would be totally unecessary if I just got from you the message that you are in love with me enough to think about me during your day, to give me little suprises every once in a while and to call me from work. To know I am important enough to be on your mind while we're apart is worth way more than jewelry or flowers.

If this happened more, I would want to give you that kinky blowjob. OFTEN.

Make me want to get healthy.

First: Stop bringing home ice cream, cookies, pop, chips, whatever it is I eat too much of. I understand you want a treat, but you are at work all day and have ample opportunity.

Second: Offer to cook more, and cook things that are low in fat and carbs. If you like to barbecue, this is perfect, because grilled veggies are my favorite and I would much rather eat a plate of these than a cheesburger.

Third: Chances are, if I have put on weight, so have you, Mr. Double Standard. Your waist size on your pants may say thirty two inches, but the strained button and the belley hanging over tell a different story. So under the guise of being romantic, take me on a walk to the store instead of driving. Take me hiking. Let's fix up the bikes and ride them. You need to put some effort into this, too.

Fourth and MOST IMPORTANT!!!

I need to feel attractive. Just because I am heavier doesn't mean I stopped feeling and being a woman. I need gentle touch, hugs, kisses (real kisses, none of this on the forehead bullshit,) cuddles and compliments. If that's too much work for you maybe you need to get yourself a plastic girlfriend and set me free. Don't make me ask for compliments , then anything I get feels shallow. Here are some thngs I would love to hear, since you seem to have no skills in this area:Feel free to be liberal with affection while using these phrases, just don't limit it to when you want to get laid.

You:"Mmmm, shake it. (meaning my butt)Me: "yeah? that might start an earthquake."You: silenceMe: "This would be a good time to say something nice."You: "Ummm, I like it."

or

Me: "it would be nice to hear a compliment once in a while"YOu: 'Well, I like boning you!"Me: "Try again."You: "Umm, I like that orange nighty you wear sometimes. I was going to tell you it looks cute but I forgot."Me: "You mean the pink one? I dont' have an orange one."You: "Yeah, the pink one. Why don't you go put it on now."Me: "You mean the one I'm wearing right now?"You: "Oh yeah that's the one. Umm, I like it."

Un-asked-for compliments and affection will go a long way toward making me want to be even hotter looking for you. Ignoring this need of mine makes me feel worthless, and unworthy of taking care of myself. It also makes me feel resentful toward you, and less likely to want to be better for you.

This one's a biggie for me.

If you want to stay married, DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT, under any circumstances tell your wife she's gotten too fat. This includes any reference to her size at all. ie:

"I would like you to lose some weight.""Do you really need another taco?""That used to fit you nice, but now it's too tight.""You are a fat ho."

This also includes referring to any woman at all as attractive. I am perfectly aware that Jessica SImpson has a nice body. She works hard for it. Go ahead and imagine it's her going down on you. JUST DO NOT EVER LET ME KNOW YOU DO THIS.

Here's the thing. I am painfully aware of how much weight I've put on. Probably more aware than you are. And I am disgusted with myself. I am feeling low enough as it is. You pointing it out to me is not helpful. It makes me feel even worse. What do I do when I feel really bad? I try and stuff my face so I don't have to feel anything. I get lethargic and want to sleep all the time. And I sure as hell don't want you looking at or touching my naked body.

Next post: How to make me want to lose the weight without making me feel like shit.

So, my marriage is dying...

And I know why. I'm just not that interested anymore. I'm sure it's my fault, everything is. But he's changed, too. I want him to fix it. But, when I ask him to do something specific to, say, be more romantic, it kind of takes the thrill out of it. Plus, if he does it, then stops, it makes me feel that much worse.

So, in an attempt to get the universe to steer him in the direction that I need him to go, without such a low blow to my ego, I am going to put what I need from my man here. Maybe it will get back to him or maybe he will spontaneously change. Maybe this will help some other guy salvage his marriage. Or maybe it will just sit, all alone on the big bad internet while my marriage crumbles.

I don't know what I'm doing. But I know what men (my man) could be doing to make their marriage last, protect their interest in their children and not have to watch their wife leave for the first guy who comes along and makes her feel beautiful.