Grandparents raising grandchildren on the rise; resource fair is Saturday

Kimberly and Tom Shook look at 8-year-old Ben and 11-year-old Lily playing in the living room of their Battlefield home and worry about the same things as other parents.

How will the kids handle peer pressure and social media? How much screen time should they get? Will the family be able to afford college in a few years? And did the kids get their rooms picked up before dinner?

Kimberly and Tom Shook say grace with their grandchildren Lily and Ben before they eat dinner at ...more

Kimberly and Tom Shook say grace with their grandchildren Lily and Ben before they eat dinner at their home on Tuesday, Feb. 6, 2018. The Shooks were given guardianship custody of their grandchildren about two years ago.

Nathan Papes/News-Leader

But Kimberly and Tom are not Ben and Lily's parents.

They are YaYa and Pa — Ben and Lily's grandparents, who have been raising them for the past few years.

"It was quite a shock to go from being grandparents to parents. You still have other grandkids, and these get treated one way and the others get treated another," Tom Shook said. "It's not what we had planned, but God has a plan."

Kimberly Shook agreed.

"I would have laid down and died before I'd let them go to foster care," she said."These kids love their mother. I don't doubt that one bit. But I don't think they would ever want to go live with her, simply because life was just chaos."

"A lot of them don't have legal custody. They don't get any assistance from the state the majority of the time," Clay said. "And sometimes they don't need financial help. We got a call from a grandmother who is disabled and raising a 2-year-old. She just wanted a break, so we referred her to Isabel's House (a crisis nursery where children can go when the family is in crisis)."

Kimberly and Tom Shook talk about what it has been like transitioning from the role of grandparents ...more

Kimberly and Tom Shook talk about what it has been like transitioning from the role of grandparents to parents at their home on Tuesday, Feb. 6, 2018. The Shooks were given guardianship custody of their grandchildren about two years ago.

Nathan Papes/News-Leader

The Shooks were given guardianship custody of the children about two years ago, not long after Kimberly was injured by her horse and could no longer work at her job with Children Youth Services.

Though the family has many good times — Kimberly and Tom enjoy teaching the kids to hunt, fish and play card games — it's not easy becoming parents again to young children.

Kimberly is 53 and Tom is 63.

"We are more tired now," Kimberly said, laughing.

"All of our friends, they are just grandparents. They are not parents again," Tom added. "It's kind of lonely sometimes. We still have the same friends, but we don't do anything together much because we've got kids."

Eleven-year-old Lily Archer pets her beagle, Bella, at her home on Tuesday, Feb. 6, 2018.

Eleven-year-old Lily Archer pets her beagle, Bella, at her home on Tuesday, Feb. 6, 2018.

Grands Raising Grands is a private Facebook group where grandparents can share information, talk about their struggles and seek support. Grandparents talk about financial troubles, legal issues and how to best care for a child or teen, many of whom have experienced trauma or neglect.

The Grands Raising Grands group is hosting a free event for other "grandfamilies" from 1 to 4 p.m. Saturday, Feb. 17 at the Midtown Carnegie Branch Library.

The Grandparents Raising Grandchildren Resource Fair is aimed at connecting "grandfamilies" with already existing resources in the Springfield area, including Burrell Behavioral Health, Diaper Bank of the Ozarks, Legal Services of Southern Missouri, Parents as Teachers, Abilities First, Community Partnership of the Ozarks, OACAC, Missouri Parents Act, One Door, WIC and United Way — to name a few.

MoChip (Missouri Child Identification Program) will be at the fair offering free fingerprints and photographs for the purpose of creating a CD that is compatible with the Amber Alert program.

Springfield Art Museum staff will be in the Teen Room, ready to assist kids and teens with craft projects.

Friends of the Library will be giving books to the children.

A professional photographer will be on hand for anyone wanting a family portrait at no charge.

Representatives from the "Be A Jewel" program will have a booth at the fair.

All "grandfamilies" are encouraged to stop by. The fair will be held throughout the Midtown Carnegie Library at 397 E. Central St.

The event is free, but families must register by calling 417-862-0135.

Donate to Be A Jewel

The Be A Jewel program is new and, so far, has helped with things like new tires and vehicle inspections.

Clay said the steering committee is working on obtaining nonprofit status.