Save Article

Readers' Turn: Cellphones and Gap Years

By

Stephen Kreider Yoder,

Isaac S. Yoder and

Levi Yoder

Updated Dec. 20, 2009 12:01 a.m. ET

ISAAC: While winter has hit my rural college campus, a good high-school friend of mine is enjoying the beaches, jungles and cities of Ecuador. He decided to do volunteer work for a year before going to college. In our Dec. 6 column, we discussed why taking a "gap year" like that wasn't the right choice for me, but how it is a great option for some people.

Dwight Allott

Many readers wrote in to sing the praises of the gap year. "Unless you are really jazzed about what you are doing, I would really encourage you to take a gap year," especially in a foreign country, wrote Joe Evans of Estes Park, Colo. His son took two gaps: one after high school, as an exchange student in Argentina, and the other between college years, as a volunteer in Spain. "The experiences were priceless," he wrote.

John Tredennick of Denver spent his first two years in college "making mostly C's and wasting time. Then a group of us bought a school bus and decided to follow Ken Kesey's lead." They formed a traveling band, which soon broke up; he worked at a shipyard the rest of the year before returning to school. "It was the shipyard that scared me. Not because it was so bad. Rather, because I realized it wasn't so bad and that I could let 30 years slip away if I didn't do something now.... I faced the fears, took 18 hours of hard courses each semester, and managed straight A's."

Andrea Horrell of Billings, Mont., suggests studying abroad as an alternative. "This is a wonderful way to have a pseudo gap year, but also earn credits toward graduation."

Some readers warned of potential pitfalls of taking a gap year: Students on a gap year could lose health-care coverage under their parents' employer-sponsored plans, be forced to begin paying back tuition loans, or lose interest in academics.

"What are the chances that a student could become so enthralled with the one-year experience," asks Jim Silbermann of Mequon, Wis., "that deciding to return to academic life and pursue a course of study in college could become further delayed, maybe even permanently removed from his or her plan?"

LEVI: In our Oct. 18 column, I argued about why I wanted a cellphone. My dad said I should get one later, but conceded that giving me a cellphone would be useful for me -- and cause him to worry less when I was on my own.

Many people agreed with me. "I am a mother of three girls and I agree with you when you tell your dad, 'All my friends have cellphones!'" wrote Arlene Frank of Suffern, N.Y. "Well, they actually do! Does he live in a cave somewhere? It's positively prehistoric not to have a cellphone."

Alma Kruh of Avon, Conn., talked of an intangible benefit of not having a phone. "I vote for the cellphone later than sooner," she wrote. "I remember how liberating it was to actually be unreachable by parents and how [wise] decision-making was honed because of it."

Many writers gave us advice on how to reach a possible compromise. "The ability to stay in touch is priceless," wrote Barry Seidenstat of Denver, who got his son a cellphone in middle school. His system: "We pay our son's $9.99/month fee, he pays for unlimited texting.... We make service agreements regarding answering or texting response times and all is good.... The phone is a big bargaining chip in a bigger behavior contract."

STEVE: Should we keep our house so Isaac has a familiar place to come home to from college, I asked in our Nov. 22 column, instead of downsizing and moving out of town?

"If you truly want Isaac and your older son to feel they are coming home, it is not wise to move," wrote Jan Sabourin of Wauconda, Ill., who also recommends keeping a big house for when the kids return to visit with their own families. "We wish we had a larger home -- not a smaller home -- since we have become empty-nesters," she wrote.

Others wrote that home is where the family is, not where the house is. Moreover, "there is a positive in this, if you do move away," wrote Billee Olson of Minneapolis. "When Isaac comes to your home for visits he will spend quality time with just the family without running around to see all his friends during the holidays."

We focused on the wrong kid by worrying about Isaac instead of Levi, wrote some readers. "I never, ever would consider relocating during a child's high-school years," wrote Cyryl Yannitell of Lago Vista, Texas. I am very firm about this because I have seen too many young people totally disoriented by such action. Allow Levi to finish his high-school years in San Francisco...and while he is doing so, start cleaning out, studying spots where you might relocate."

Finally, we thank the many readers who sent condolences after we wrote of our decision to euthanize our dog, Tex, who was suffering from a rapidly advancing infection that expensive surgery and antibiotics failed to check.

Several readers recommended pet insurance for the future: "A few dollars a month is a small price to pay for peace of mind," wrote Jan Whitt of Boulder, Colo., who's just insured her three cats and two dogs. "Although it doesn't apply to you, 'financial euthanasia' is real for many animals."

Steve Yoder is chief of The Wall Street Journal's San Francisco bureau. His son Isaac is 18 years old and a freshman in college. His son Levi is 14 years old and a freshman in high school. Email: yoder&son@wsj.com