Today is one of those days that I have something on my mind and I just need to write it out. Mostly this is just rambling in a word document and deleted when I am finished. But for reasons that will be clear shortly, I wanted to post this one publicly.

Social media is a funny thing. I love it in that I can keep in touch with friends and family wherever they are, and I can join communities of people that span the whole world. Instagram is my favourite of the various platforms but I am increasingly having a concerns with the lifestyle side of it.

I've been following a woman for awhile who went through a major life change and was constantly saying "this is so easy, this is so wonderful, life is perfect" for weeks. Especially about things a lot of people have difficulty with (breastfeeding, labour etc). And I was thinking to myself hey, that is great for them that they are having an easy ride. Then she revealed that actually, that entire time, it had been difficult and painful and not this pristine image she had been presenting. I understand that, especially when your income is involved, it would be difficult to go off brand. But pretending that everything is perfect just maintains this ridiculous notion that if your life is ever shit, you need to try harder, say some more motivational quotes and buy some more marble tabletops.

That paragraph may have got a little bitchy because I am angry at myself as much as her. I am a hypocrite. I've been doing the exact same for the past 2 months.

My Grandmother passed away last week after 2 months in hospice. Terminal cancer. Fuck cancer. This time has been hard. We all rushed to her side when she was first diagnosed and given a very very short prognosis. I've tried to balance finishing my exams, visiting as much as I could, working and trying to avoid burning out. My Nana has also had ill health and a terminal diagnosis. My family is having a shitty year. Not that you would know this if you read here or follow me on instagram.

In many ways, her story is not mine to tell, and I am very aware that there are much worse things going on for many people. Some days I would take a photo and not post it because I couldn't bring myself to be honest about what was going on. There's a world of difference in my sphere on Instagram and the woman's I was complaining about just before. But who am I to judge when I was doing exactly the same thing.

Writing this has me near tears just trying to think about how damn much I hate these last few months. How many others are going through the same thing now, or have, or will be soon?

We can find a way to be real on social media. If I wish to see change, I must start with myself.