They're definitely a dying art. I guess what's common now is to basically go for the equivalent of a boxing sequence of 'jab, jab, haymaker'. Reminds me of a Tinder screenshot I saw the other day:A: "how much does a polar bear weigh?"B: "enough to break the ice? Haha"A: "actually they average about 982 pounds"A: "so you into having your ass eaten?"Shit along those lines apparently either kills or bombs

theposega wrote:

I don't know, man. I can only imagine "Are you a school? Cause I wanna shoot kids inside you" leading to one roping heavy into a woman.

Fuckin hell man lmao

_________________I'm like 50% blastbeats and shit and 50% flowery queer boi, what's good

AboveTheThrone can of course do as he wishes; injuries are the leading cause of humans' learning processes, after all.

However.... ahem.

- Most people who claim that their ex is a psycho are actually worse themselves. If someone has spent enough time with someone else to have kids with the other person, they are either gullible and disgusting idiots, or labeling the ex psycho is a post de facto kind of display of resentment and regret. Such people are usually BAD relationship material, and preparing for being labelled a psycho afterwards is something worth preparing for in advance. Also, a reasonable person does not bash an ex in an insane manner. There might be criticism, but saying someone is a psycho and dwelling on that is a sign of a goofy person.- Sex is yummy. Occasionally, very very yummy, better than pizza with caviar and Parma ham on it with a 9%ABV beer. However, if a woman says she likes sex several times a day, it's not quite as reliable evidence of a future filled with joyous carnal gymnastics seven times a day as it might appear. Especially with kids in the house. Just take it from someone with experience.- Kids are a hassle, and depending on their ages, you would be well advised to expect a heavy emotional backlash from them, if your plan is to replace their father as a live-in grownup within six months of their parents' separation. No, a pound of candy and a carnival ride does not quite patch that. And no, I do not believe the father was quite bad enough to make them see any adult as a saviour and a safe haven that can immediately start fornicating with their mom as a payment for the security services. More likely, assuming the mother's tales have a fragment of truth in them, they will be sharing the bed with her for the foreseeable future.- No, you're not going to get sex several times a day after day three.- You're actually being used as something that is called a "pomppulauta" or "springboard" in Finnish. She needs to get out and regain her feet, and getting out is easier with someone with a bit of funds and visible security as a safety net. She might even think she's serious with you and believe the story herself, but you will most likely end up being used for up to four months, and then hear the traditional "I don't think this will really work out" comedy routine.- A dead baby? Sheesh... I have no words, no experience, and no wish to even think about the consequences, reasons and effects this might have on her and her life.

Do as you wish, but there's a scent of a toxic asset lingering in the air.

Moving close to her might be a different story, but all in all I'd cut connections now and look for unmarried people without children (dead or otherwise) who lurk in libraries and watch Adventure Time.

I see where everyone is coming from, believe me. I've always pretty much avoided women with kids when it comes to dating, and I know I probably made the situation sound a lot worse than it really is. I only seriously considered an actual relationship with her for the first time yesterday, and I guess I was curious to see if others thought it'd be a dick move for me to dump her now while she's in the middle of all that shit. I feel bad that I might have unintentionally led her on for so long but oh, well.

As far as her narrative about her husband: it's true. She's been sending me screenshots of her conversations with friends/family about him. She just realized that he was a literal 40 year-old virgin when they first met. She got pregnant with her first kid, and they decided to get married. The husband clearly had serious confidence/self-esteem issues because of his lack of sex experience, and so their marriage was pretty much doomed from the start. He has always worked a lot, and would ignore her and verbally abuse her. They started talking about divorce early on, and he has physically hit her more than once (he threw her down and choked her the last time, and stole her phone so she couldn't call the cops). He completely fucked his life up due to gambling and just dumbass financial decisions, forcing her to sell her own car and have to stay home with the kids all the time.

I wasn't kidding about her husband being a legit psychopath. He has no friends, he's extremely controlling, emotionally/physically abusive, etc. That's why I know she isn't using me. She legitimately needs a normal dude in her life right now, which is why I thought the friends-with-benefits thing would be perfect for both of us.

I'm not using her. She was the one who kept the dialogue going this whole time. I was helping her because I'm worried about her and she keeps begging for me to fuck her after I sent her dick pics (at her request). Call it what you will, but there's an obvious tone of bitterness in your repeated attacks against me.

Edit: This was geared towards failsafeman, not Napero.

Last edited by AboveTheThrone on Sun Jan 08, 2017 12:48 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I'm not using her. She was the one who kept the dialogue going this whole time. I was helping her because I'm worried about her and she keeps begging for me to fuck her after I sent her dick pics (at her request). Call it what you will, but there's an obvious tone of bitterness in your repeated attacks against me.

And this doesn't strike you as at all odd? And not to be a dick here, but it sounds like you're unhealthily attached to this woman far too quickly.

_________________Man is truly a wretched thing, and the forest is committed to expunging him from existence.

I know it looks that way. I'm mostly just worried about her, really. Her husband seems batshit crazy and he's acting like he's in denial that she's leaving him, plus he does have a history of abusing her. I'm just trying to help her get out of there for now.

It wasn't my plan, though. I didn't realize how bad shit was for her until after we did that, and I wasn't planning on actually meeting her until a few days ago. In all seriousness, though, she constantly complains about her sex life being "ridiculous" for the past four years and it sounded like she just wanted to hook up. But in any case, I'm just gonna help her until she's more stable.

Listen, Spiderman, you have zero responsibility to put yourself in an obvious powder keg just because you're trying to convince yourself that you're doing this insanely stupid thing purely for the warm and fuzzies of helping out a poor wilting flower, while simultaneously humblebragging about how often she likes to fuck and HOORAY THAT MEANS I'LL GET TO FUCK TOO IT'S GONNA BE AWESOME HOORAY! I don't care how shitty your current situation is, I don't care how bad she says hers is, I can guaran-goddamn-tee you it'll only get worse if you go through with something this blatantly shortsighted. Oh gee she has an abusive boyfriend/husband she hasn't even broken up with yet but I'm going to swoop right the hell in and steal her and move in with her and doink her all the time and it's gonna be great! You're trying to play White Knight, and you're chasing a Siren Song directly into the dragon's lair, completely unequipped and unprepared because you think walking into the tower and sweeping the princess off her feet is going to be 1000000x easier than it actually is. Plus there's kids involved? Did you stop to think for one fucking attosecond what this could do to them? Do you think suddenly replacing their father is going to go off without a hitch? Do you think they have any idea what you're planning? Do you think they have any idea there's any abuse even happening? If they do, do you think they're going to trust you one iota? No, you're using your penis as a dowsing rod and giddily sprinting pelvis first into a fucking volcano.

I'm not going to be as nice as others here, and I've seen that you're obviously not listening to anything resembling reason here, but this is pants-on-head-retarded and you need to understand how stupid this is. Knock it off.