Sachin fan to sue CAB, WI team named co-defendant

Sunil Harsha Bhogaskar, an ardent Sachin fan from Mumbai has filed a liability suit against Cricket Association of Bengal in the Consumer Court citing non-performance of product. The West Indies team have been named co-defendants in the case.

In his claim filed on the eve of Sachin’s farewell test in Mumbai, he has claimed that poor playing conditions combined with gross incompetence on part of the West Indies batting line-up lead to India playing just one innings in the match.

Faking News caught up with Bhogaskar at Shivaji Park at sunset after he had finished playing a game of underarm cricket with his grandfather and uncles. Here’s what he had to say: “Sachin has given us many joys over 24 years despite carrying the burden of a billion expectations on his shoulders. Yes, I said “Billion Expectations” and not “expectations of a billion people” because that is how many things we expect from him – make century every time, take every wicket, win every match in the 1990s, solve India’s olympics crisis, eradicate poverty, teach Rahul Gandhi the art of public speaking… etc. He did it for so long because obviously he likes all the pressure so it’s only fair we milk it for as long as we can. It stands to reason the Indian public had expected he would be allowed to play all 4 innings in his final two tests.”

In his list of demands in order to drop the suit, he asks that one or multiple of his wishes be granted for Sachin’s final test:

1. Mohd. Shami is rested and Ishant Sharma is picked in his place.

2. West Indies be given 3 innings to bat.

3. Shivnarine Chanderpaul bats twice an innings. (Mr. Bhogaskar recalled that Chanderpaul never gets out against India which may be counter-productive so instead he asked that Gayle be allowed to play while wearing RCB jersey and Indian players wear the Pune Warriors jersey while fielding).

4. Sachin is named Kachcha Limbu so first dismissal doesn’t count.

5. Ishant Sharma bowls every over in the match. For India AND the West Indies.

When this reporter pointed out that he could have included the BCCI as co-defendants for not having DRS in the series, the shell-shocked Bhogaskar replied “I did! I did! What do you mean “Should Have”?” Upon rechecking the court papers, he realized to his dismay that this time N. Srinivasan had managed to arm-twist the law before he could face it.

When contacted, CAB President Jagmohan Maardiya said they were themselves looking to sue the West Indies team for loss of opportunity, since the match was over in 3 days and they didn’t get to embarrass felicitate Sachin with a million Rose petals showered from a helicopter. “In case Mr. Bhogaskar does win, we can pay him with the money we saved on said rose petals and helicopter”.