Modern life has a lot to answer for. Every day we are bombarded with perfection, whether it be the perfect romance, the flawless partner or the most amazing date one ever imagined, it seems that it can be found at the drop of a hat. Well, that’s what thousands of soppy films, almost every new pop song and a never-ending plethora of magazines would have us believe. In most cases the reality is much different but now a new organisation based in Castlebar means to change all that. 2’s Company Dating Agency has just entered Mayo life and the organisers hope that it will have a major impact on the social scene in the county. [….] The agency has just opened for business and can be reached at 086-1281633. Deirdre and her colleagues are confident that they can make a difference on Mayo’s social scene. It remains to be seen if they will be correct.

No longer will the young romantics of Castlebar have to head over to Knock in order to sign up with a dating agency. Having said that I have the feeling that the Knock Marriage Bureau caters for a slightly older clientele than that being targeted in this new 2’s Company Detective Agency – sorry Dating Agency. But then I guess there is quite a similarity between the work of a Detective Agency and a Dating Agency. Both have to look for clues regarding people’s personalities and uncover the lies that they tell – the short fatty resembling the back of a bus who metamorphoses into "Tall and Beautiful" in the database. Or the serial monogamist who says he wants to settle down. In all seriousness though, the time is probably just right for such a venture to succeed in Castlebar. We have critical mass and lots of strange and wonderful new people in town - in good jobs - but still finding it difficult to meet up with a prospective life-partner in the local area due to our own strange habits of congregating in noisy pubs and night-clubs where no one can hear a thing. "Do ya come here often?" He says romantically. "Wha?" She replies "I can't hear you."

So 2's Company Dating Agency will solve all your romance problems: providing soft music, candlelight, good food, quiet ambiance and to top it all off the perfect date who is charming and attractive, funny, handsome or pretty, intelligent, attentive and shares common interests with you but also has others of their own that you will enjoy learning about as you work your way through the menu of life.......

Mayo’s off licences will not be closing for St Patrick’s Day

Off-licences across the county have come out in disgust at calls for them to close on St Patrick’s Day. A spokesperson for the National Off Licences Association told the Western People the organisation was incensed that they were being held responsible for any fracas in towns across the country, after the Dublin Traders Association called for their closure. "It seems that we are being blamed for fact that there was trouble and drinking on Paddy’s Day. If some traders agree to facilitate the parade, that’s different scenario, some businesses close so that they can see the parade." The National Off Licences Association argue that closing off licences on St Patrick’s Day will not prevent rowdy behaviour on the streets of Mayo.

But they would say that wouldn’t they? I checked back through the amazing Castlebar Bulletin Board to see what people said after last year’s parade. The day was just as I remember it was a bright sunny day and peaceful as you could hope for. Possibly things went pear-shaped later on after dark, but I don’t think it was any different to a weekend night. Nonetheless I have some sympathy for the Lord Mayor of Dublin’s idea of shutting off-licences on the day in Dublin. Then the lager louts that caused so much mayhem there last year would have to either drink in pubs or else be highly organised and plan their drinking well in advance. I reckon that the kind of violent thugs that caused the Dublin disruption last year are not big in the planning department so there’s a good chance that the idea would reduce the amount of anti-social behaviour fuelled by public drinking. Worth a try but not necessary in Castlebar – not yet anyways.

Teenager attacked in Castlebar

Three males have been arrested after a teenage girl was allegedly assaulted in Castlebar on Valentine’s night. The attack on the local school-going girl took place between Lucan Street and Bridge Street at 1am on Tuesday morning. The incident is under investigation and a Garda spokesperson said that it was likely a file would be sent to the Director of Public Prosecutions.

The details of this particular incident, as relayed to me at least, were particularly horrific. Hopefully the culprits will be locked up for a long, long time.