10 Reasons your baby needs its own FB account

By the time my husband and I were ready to have our first child, we had seen enough babies to last a lifetime. I’m talking about the baby picture parade on my Facebook newsfeed. I know exactly what you’re going to say — just hide or scroll past if you don’t want to see the pictures. This is your problem, not ours. People are allowed to share their baby pictures if they want to.

This is all true, but I think I’ve hatched a better plan. I even put this plan into action, and it would have worked out great too — if Facebook hadn’t caught me.

Before my first son was born, we created his own Facebook account for him. We just wanted our friends to opt in to see tons and tons of sonogram pictures, newborn pictures and endless spitting up, rolling over and walking videos. Things were going great and my unborn son even had a few friends, until my husband tried to insert his actual birth date into the account. Obviously, Facebook was not pleased with the fact that a user was 0 years old, so the account was deleted.

I understand the need for these security precautions to protect minors. Still, I wish there was some way around it because I really believe a Facebook account for a baby can be a wonderful thing. Here are 10 reasons why:

1. Stop annoying your friends and family

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Seriously, the biggest benefit of your baby’s Facebook account is for those who claim to love you. They want to see one picture, not 10. It’s the perfect compromise.

2. Have insta-friends

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What baby doesn’t want to be born with a group of online acquaintances?

3. Start a new trend

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I’m positive that all babies are going to have social media accounts by 2020. Don’t you want your nugget to be the first?

4. Maintain separate identities

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Your friends can remember what you look like when you actually share pictures of yourself on your newsfeed.

5. No more disgusting parent overshares

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You can talk about poop texture and color as much as you want — on your baby’s Facebook account.

6. No more mom-petition

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Mom competition on Facebook is fierce. Squash it once and for all with a separate baby account.

7. Your baby can learn to tag pictures

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Every kid is going to need to learn this life skill by the time they hit elementary school. Start ‘em young, I always say.

8. Mommyjack a thread as much as you want

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As long as it’s among close friends and family on your baby’s Facebook wall.

9. Talk in the voice of your baby

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This is irresistible and really annoying, but you definitely should do it. Post silly status updates on your baby’s feed, like, “Up all night partying in my crib. Can’t believe how tired I am today. #babylife”

10. Upload all your baby pictures in one place

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Every parent has one thousand backup pictures to the one they crop and post on Facebook. Now you can spam the shit out of your baby’s Facebook feed because that’s what it’s there for. Go nuts.