It’s time to commence with another school year. Spare a thought for the trepidation faced by students harassed for having disabilities.

The following is a great piece on this very issue written by Chester Goad courtesy of The Huffington Post:

Typically going back to school means seeing old friends and making new connections, and while most kids are nervous about going back to school, some kids are actually terrified.

Research suggests that between 150,000-200,000 students are bullied in our schools every day. Many school systems have even added hotlines and “Student Resource Officers” (SRO’s) who can help identify and prevent bullying. Still bullying happens, and statistics show that students with disabilities are more at risk. In fact, anyone who looks different, acts different, or believes something different from whatever is the local cultural norm is a target.

Not only do students with disabilities sometimes look different from non-disabled peers, but students with certain disabilities like dyslexia or dysgraphia also learn differently, and students who learn differently often receive additional resources or extra help which can bring unwanted attention from potential bullies.

Growing up is hard but growing up with a disability brings a different set of challenges. Social stigma, misunderstandings, or lack of awareness affect the learning environment when educators, parents, and other students aren’t paying attention. What does all this mean?

It means families should talk more. It means we must be more intentional in our efforts to address the problem without causing more trouble for the kids who are prone to be bullied, and without arming bullies with information that makes them wise enough to avoid intervention. Yes, it’s that complicated.

In 2013, the increasing number of students with disabilities being bullied prompted the U.S. Department of Education to release a “Dear Colleague Letter” reminding schools of their responsibility to provide a bully-free education, and to implement specific strategies to effectively prevent or stop bullying of all students, but especially those with disabilities.

Parents of students with disabilities or any sort of difference should be vigilant and listen to their kids when they’re discussing school. Pay attention to changes in behavior, especially aggression and meltdowns. If your instinct tells you there may be an issue with bullying, talk with teachers or other adults and ask about changes in behavior or attitude. It’s a challenge for us as parents not to want to handle things completely on our own, but parents should avoid confronting others about bullying until they have all the information, and it’s best to leave the confrontation part to the school. Discuss the issues with teachers or administration. They may be able to give you valuable insight before you talk with the other parents or take your concerns to a different level.

Some adults are inclined to let bullying go assuming that kids will just “work it out,” and some students do work out one-time incidences, but sadly, true bullying involves a pattern of inappropriate behavior and when left alone can worsen circumstances for everyone involved. In some instances, students may truly not understand that their actions are being perceived as bullying. They may simply be seeking attention. However, in other situations they know exactly what they’re doing. Parents should never just “let it go” or trust the situation to work itself out.

Talk to your kids, and listen. Listen to what they’re saying, and to what they’re not saying.

Student suicide rates are on the rise. Quick, proactive communication and education is key, and could save lives.

The best way to prevent students from becoming bullying statistics is to know your students and their disabilities, understand the law, encourage peer intervention (because intervention by peers is considered the most powerful deterrent to bullying), and to foster open positive relationships between parents and schools.

Going back to school is always going to be a little nerve wracking. Kids will always worry about classes, friendships, and keeping up with the latest fads. But they should never have to worry for their safety.

Bullying in all shapes and forms is inexcusable but I particularly hate to see people being tormented for the colour of their skin, the country their country of origin or the in vogue tradition of victimising boys with red hair:

Without warning, a boy in uniform is pushed.

But it’s soon clear, this is no schoolyard tiff.

After being grabbed and pummelled, the victim is thrown to ground and swiftly kicked in the head.

Four left fists follow before a second kick, and a third to finish him off.

The young thug then adjusts his cap as he coolly walks away.

The unprovoked attack at Ringwood Station was carried out last October by a 15-year-old boy, who can’t be named for legal reasons.

He pleaded guilty in a children’s court and was sentenced to 12 months probation.

The violent teen is the son of a prominent AFL player – but instead of using his skills on the sporting field, the boy is getting his kicks by preying on others.

While the boy hasn’t been named, 7News understands teenagers know who he is and several have also been harassed or assaulted by him but have been too frightened to come forward.

Psychologist Dr Simon Kinsella says such aggression in young males is all too common.

“Very often they’re trying to maintain their reputation amongst their peers as being a tough person, a tough guy, and they don’t give any real consideration to what impact it might have on the victim,” he told 7News.

The victim’s parents hope their son’s courage will encourage others to go to police.

1. Your child needs to be aware of others’ inner experiences.
It needs to become second nature to him to think about others and their feelings almost as quickly as he thinks of his own. Many parents validate one child’s perspective, but fail to discuss their own feelings or feelings of another child. Just validating your own child’s feelings does not teach him that there are other people in the world whose feelings matter.

“I see you felt really angry right there when John took your ball. He looked angry too. I think he thought you were going to play with him, but then you ended up playing alone.”

2. Discuss your own emotions too.
It does children no good to view a parent as having no weaknesses or vulnerable emotions. If they can empathize with you, they will remember this and it will facilitate self-compassion when they are an adult behaving as you do. Here’s an example of that:

“I’m sorry you got upset when Mommy didn’t play with you. Mommy was feeling anxious because she had a lot of cleaning to do before our friends come over. I will play with you now.”

3. Discuss both siblings’ or friends’ emotions after any conflict, validating and empathizing with both sides. Do not only validate the child whose actions you agree with more.
Example: “You were mad that your sister grabbed your doll, and she was feeling sad that you weren’t paying attention to her. That’s probably why she grabbed it.” You’re not condoning any behavior, but just giving a value-free description of the emotions underlying each child’s actions.

4. Make sure to speak for those who cannot speak, such as pets or babies.
“Why is baby crying? I wonder if he is hungry or tired? What do you think?” And a zero tolerance policy for meanness to those smaller and weaker than yourself. Horton Hears A Who! by Dr. Seuss is a good book to serve as a springboard for a discussion about why it is important to look out for those smaller than yourself.

5. When you interact with others outside the home, discuss their feelings later together.
“I wonder what Grandma was thinking when she waved bye bye to you. I think she was happy she visited with you, but also a little sad you had to go. What do you think?”

You can also do this with characters in books and on TV.

6. Aim for consistency around the issue of meanness and teasing.
Any name-calling or making fun of others should be nipped in the bud right away. Bad names and mean words are unacceptable, even from the smallest child. Don’t laugh or roll your eyes when your 3-year-old calls Daddy a poopy head. This just shows her that bad names are okay and even funny. Instead, say something like, “It hurts Daddy’s feelings when you call him a bad name. That is not nice and it’s not okay.”

You and your partner or any other caregiver should get on the same page about “teasing.” Often, one parent thinks that gentle teasing is okay, and a more sensitive parent or child then ends up getting hurt a lot because the less sensitive family members are “just” teasing them multiple times a day. This is especially a salient issue with Highly Sensitive Children. I recommend that this is discussed openly in a family, e.g. “Mary thinks that you calling her sillyhead isn’t funny, so please don’t say that to her. Joe thinks it’s funny so we can say it to him. Whenever someone says they don’t think teasing is funny, it means we should stop right away.”

7. When children see others who are different from them, e.g. with special needs or birth defects, it is important to discuss that everyone has feelings and wants friends.
Don’t be content with just telling your kids not to talk meanly or make fun of these children. You should go up and say hello and introduce yourselves. Read this wonderful article by a mom of a little boy with a craniofacial disorder for more on this.

8. When you are mean, apologize.
Don’t just feel ashamed and then try to silently make it up to your child or partner later. Own your mean behavior. This is extremely important because you’re modeling taking responsibility for your mean behavior. Children learn from what they see you do much more than from what you tell them to you.

Example: “I’m sorry I grabbed your arm roughly when you pulled the stuff off the shelf in the grocery store. I did it because I was mad. But no matter what I was feeling, grabbing you wasn’t okay.”

If I can add to the list I would recommend having your child watch the entire How to UnMake a Bully series. I was fortunate enough to have some involvement in the installment above.

A former victim of high school bullying was asked on a date by one of her taunters only to stand him up with an excellent note that has seen her showered with praise from all over the world.

It all started eight years ago when UK student Lousia Manning, now 22, was bullied at high school where she was called fat and nicknamed “manbeast” for having hairy legs.

Years later at Oxford University, she had a chance encounter with one of the bullies who asked her out to dinner, setting an elaborate plan in motion.

Instead of turning up at the restaurant as planned, she arrived early and left a note with a waitress.

“Hey sorry I can’t join you tonight,” it read.

“Remember year eight when I was fat and you made fun of my weight? No? I do — I spent the following three years eating less than an apple a day. So I’ve decided to skip dinner.”

“Remember the monobrow you mocked? The hairy legs you were disgusted by? Remember how every day for three years you and your friends called me Manbeast? No perhaps you don’t or you wouldn’t have seen how I look eight years later and deemed me f***able enough to treat me like a human being.”

“I thought I’d send you this as a reminder. Next time you think of me, picture the girl in this photo because she’s the one who just stood you up.”

Needless to say, the story received a huge response with anyone who has ever been bullied punching the air all around the world.

This was an awful incident, made worse by the fact that it was one of the attackers that posted the footage online. At least the police reaction gives us some hope that such conduct will not be tolerated:

Victorian police have charged a 15-year-old Ballarat boy after a video emerged online showing him bullying another boy.

The video was posted on Facebook last week and showed the teenager and several others threaten to stab the boy if he did not hand over his jacket.

Detectives said the teenager was charged on Monday morning with one count of assault with intent to rob.

He was bailed to appear at a children’s court.

Former police officer and cyber bullying expert n Susan McLean said the video was “distressing” to watch.

“The young victim was clearly petrified and the boys just kept going and going and going,” she said.

“I think as a society we need to say ‘well no, this is not a part of growing up, this is not character building, it’s wrong, it’s criminal and it needs to be dealt with’.”

She said people needed to be encouraged to report bullying.

“This young boy didn’t even go home and tell. This all came to light because it was posted online. So we’ve got to encourage a culture of telling, telling an adult,” Ms McLean said.

Please do not excuse these actions as just a case of “kids being kids”. Calling African born students “Ebola” and taunting them in the way this family seems to have been taunted is nothing short of appalling. How a school can go about its operations blissfully unaware that such a problem exists in its hallways baffles me.

A Bronx man says he brought his two sons to America from Senegal so they could get a good education — but their classmates doled out brutal lessons in bullying and fear-mongering, shouting at the brothers, “Go back home” to Africa amid beatings and chants of “Ebola.”

Amadou and Pape Drame were attacked Friday at IS 318 in Tremont, punched in the face and relentlessly bullied, their father said Monday.

“My name is not Ebola, it’s Amadou,” the younger brother told his tormentors before he was attacked, said dad Ousmane Drame, who urged school officials to do something.

“They call me from the school, tell me come, they’re beating your children,” said Drame, a cab driver who is raising the two kids on his own.​ “​I rush, go there, and my children were very hurt. Amadou was crying, laying on the floor, more than 10 children on top of him, beating him.”

Amadou, 11, and Pape, 13, stood silently by their father’s side on Monday as he, community leaders and elected officials urged parents to talk with their kids about tolerance.

Drame, 62, who has lived in New York for 25 years, said this was not the lesson he had in mind when he brought his sons to America for the opportunity of a better education.

“If they go to the gym, they say​,​ ‘​O​h​,​ you don’t play. Don’t touch the ball,’ ” Drame said. “ ‘You have Ebola. Sit down there.’ For two days, they don’t touch nobody, they just sit down.

“It’s not just them. All the African children suffer this. I spent seven years in college. I went to school all my life. They’re born in a teacher’s family. They have to go to school.”

The shaken father said he met with the school’s principal Monday.

He also reached out to the African Advisory Council of The Bronx, which is pressing the school district for a solution.

“On Friday, while the younger one was in the gym, he was assaulted,” said Charles Cooper, president of the council. “They came to him calling​,​ ‘Ebola, Ebola, get out of here,’ punched him several times all over.

“During lunch, they were outside in the yard, which is supposed to be a safe place . . . The kids were yelling, ‘Ebola​​ Ebola get out of here,’ and they rushed him, threw him on the ground, kicked him, punched him. He was screaming. His brother heard him screaming from across the yard, so his brother ran to him.

“The other kids jumped on him also and started beating on him as well. The school tried to say it was a fight,” Cooper said, “We made it very clear to them. This was not a fight. This is assault. This is bullying.”

​The Department of Education ​did not immediately comment.

Senegal is one of several West African countries where Ebola cases have been reported, but there have been no new cases in that country since late August, according to the Centers for Disease Control.

Amadou has since told his father he wants to go home to Senegal, where their mother lives.

Your teens are getting ready to head back to high school and some of them are just beginning as freshmen. All summer long, I have been working with focus groups of teens and they have been talking to me and to each other and have been quite candid about their thoughts about bullying. They have shared their most intimate experiences, their concerns and their very creative ideas about how to deal with bullies.

This is what your kids want you to know about the bullying experience, but might never tell you. You see, they don’t want to upset you, disappoint you, worry you and are even concerned that you might not be interested. They are wrong. I know that but they don’t. Here is what they are not telling you:

1. The majority of your teens report that while they may not have been bullied, they have witnessed a peer being bullied.

2. They have not always been sure how to intervene at these times, but they have ideas.

3. They frequently and in large numbers report that an adult should be told about bullying incidents, but feel that even when they tell adults the adults are NOT likely to intervene effectively. They report that adults look the other way, don’t take bullying seriously enough and even give meaningless consequences to the bully.

4. By and large, the well-spoken and passionate teens feel that the adults are letting them down in this arena. YIKES. I know that no adult in a position to help teens wants to be seen as ineffective and dismissive.

5. Your kids have some very creative ideas about how to handle bullies including:

a. attempting to befriend them in the hope that a bully can become an ally.

b. making the bully laugh so that the bully learns a different style of interacting.

c. letting the bully know the impact that they are having on others. Many teens feel that bullies are clueless about their painful impact on others.

d. asking them about their lives. Many teens feel that bullies are probably hurting. It’s amazing isn’t it that teens feel empathy for bullies?

AND

e. they have even expressed that you raise your kids to have empathy so that they are less likely to act in a socially aggressive and emotionally painful manner. These large groups of male and female teens have been telling me all summer long that they are concerned that some parents may inadvertently be raising bullies.

Your teens would also like you to know that:

1. They see many parents acting as bullying role models for their kids. They worry that you may be encouraging exclusivity, cliquey behavior and even physical aggression. Teens are and always have been watching the adults around them.

2. They think that adults should curtail gossiping because kids mimic them and gossiping is one of the worst and most hurtful forms of social bullying. They are on to something here; aren’t they?

3. They worry that you are bullying your kids in the privacy of your homes and that your kids are going to school upset, frustrated and looking for a place in which to practice what they have learned at home.

AND

4. They are concerned that you might not even have given consideration to the idea that your own kid may be the bully. They think that you should consider this idea and work with your teen to be a kinder and more empathic individual.

I do not want to leave you with the impression that teens all blame the adults in their lives for the bullying behaviors of teens. Many teens reported learning empathic and pro-social behaviors from their parents. Amen to the child-rearing style in those homes. We need more of that. We need parents to realize that you are your teens’ most important role models. I have been saying this for years. Take this important opportunity in your life to teach your kids that their words and behaviors can either soothe and comfort or destroy the hearts and souls of their peers. Do not ever rule out the thought that your own child may be the bully at times and if you suspect this then work with your child to change this behavior.

We all remember own experiences being both the bullies and the bullied. None of us flourished from these experiences. In fact, many of us became emotionally and physically sick during these times. Your kids and I are calling upon you to be aware of your role and power in helping to both raise good kids and to become even more aware of the terrible interactional cycle of bullying that continues to persist in high schools all over.

I am not privy to the reasons why no teacher spotted an incident which one would think is fairly easy to pick up, but even if there was a valid reason for not identifying it, one has to wonder about general standards in yard duty. I find it ironic that by law teachers have to wear a fluro vest to stand out among the students at recess. Perhaps the problem isn’t of students finding the teacher but vice versa.

I hope this awful story doesn’t just highlight the bullying problems our schools confront but also the importance of proper supervision during recess:

A STUDENT at a metropolitan high school was taped to a tree, bound with a garden hose and allegedly repeatedly sexually assaulted in an incident recorded and posted on social media.

The Year 9 girl was filmed, allegedly distressed and screaming, while a gang of eight boys humiliated her during a recess break, just metres from the western suburb school’s staffroom.

The incident, in which the boys allegedly rubbed their buttocks and genitalia against the girl, is now the subject of SA Police and Education Department investigations.

The gang, meanwhile, has continued to harass its victim as recently as this week.

Her mother, who declined to be named, said her daughter was a “confident, happy child” when she began her studies at the school in 2010.

In mid-2011, she “became withdrawn”, performed poorly in class and received “particularly nasty” messages on social media.

For three years, the mother sought help from teachers and counsellors with no change in her daughter’s “extreme stress, anxiety and depression”.

In April, the girl told a Child and Adolescent Mental Health Service worker and her mother she was being bullied by a girl and a gang of eight boys, culminating in the recorded incident.

“(The girl) taped my daughter to a tree out the front of the school and staffroom where most students gathered at recess and lunch,” the mother said.

“My daughter noticed a gang of boys approaching … she began to ask (the girl) to let her free … as the boys drew closer they grabbed the hose and sprinkler.

“By this stage my daughter was screaming and begging (the girl) to untie her; however, the girl chose to laugh at her and do nothing.”

The woman said the gang of boys wrapped her daughter in the hose and, while filming her with mobile phones, “dropped their pants and rubbed” their buttocks and genitalia on her.

“She said she felt so humiliated and so frightened … everyone around her stood there and did nothing or were laughing in the distance,” she said.

The woman has spoken out about the incident for the first time after she was prompted to come forward by the historic first-ever prosecution of a teen under the state’s new “humiliating and degrading” filming laws.

The laws, introduced last year, carry a maximum one-year jail term for anyone who subjects another person to a degrading act, or one that would violate their privacy.