The other day I met another guy who claims to be practicing celibacy. I’m beginning to wonder if this is a line guys use to get women they’re not attracted to, to not hit on them. I met a guy once who was celibate and yet perfectly okay with getting blow jobs (I still don’t get how this is considered being celibate). In actuality I looked up the definition and what these guys are really doing is practicing abstinence, as all of them have had sex before and are not doing it for religious purposes. Regardless, it’s their own choice and if they feel better for doing it, good for them. I could take a few pointers from them as I’ve realized that this past year I’ve been living a very id-based existence (and I don’t even like Freud) but it has been mostly a focus on basic needs and desires, food, sex, numbing of abstract thoughts through the imbibing of alcohol. Lack on concentration, motivation, dedication even though I have an absurd amount of talent and intelligence that I should be utilizing in a more profound way. If I gave up sex and food that would give me a lot of free time to spend on more “important,” activities, like writing and making money for rent etc.

2.) Mermaids

This woman quit her day job to do a reverse Ariel. Instead of becoming human and marrying a prince, she became a mermaid and married her own tail. Okay, the last part of that sentence is not true, but her tail did cost like $15,000, which she probably made back after appearing at a Hollywood party staring JT and his wifey. I quit my job selling dildos to sit in my apartment on a computer all day looking for my mermaid job. Wee! I guess it would help to know what my “mermaid” career would be and then I could swim toward it.

3.) Panties

I’ve been thinking about selling my used panties to perverts. They’ll even pay extra for poop smears! How great is that? Hahaha. It’s not a career, but it could help me buy the beer I shouldn’t be drinking.

4.) Suicidal E Coli

Sounds like a good band name or at least, a band name (not sure how good it is). I read an article on Discover News, which basically talked about living creatures from the smallest bacteria to humans who often kill themselves to save the lives of those with similar genetics around them. There should probably be another word for this because when I think of suicide I think of depressed people who cannot continue living, not ants who implode themselves to prevent intruders from fucking with their family. It seems brave to kill yourself to help your relatives, but weak to do it because you hate your life. I mean, my life needs a serious makeover and it would be a lie to pretend I haven’t hid under my sheets and pretended to be dead at times, but I think I would prefer to rescue my (hypothetical) child from a burning building than to put my head in an oven because I’m bored.

5. I almost posted this with only four randoms, WHAT WAS I THINKING?!! Pretty sure I need to have my brain re-wired. Is that possible? I’d pay someone like $20 to do it.