Ask Sam letter

To Sam23 March 2017

Boyfriend asks for nudes

Hi Sam, my boyfriend keeps asking me if I want to have sex with or send him nudes and it makes me feel uncomfortable.....what should I do?

Sam27 March 2017

Hi there,

If you don't want to have sex or send nude pictures then you don't have to - no matter who is asking. It takes two people to agree to join in sexual activities and if either one isn't comfortable then it shouldn't happen at all. It's okay to tell your boyfriend how he makes you feel and to be firm about what you want.

Firstly it is important to remember that the law says you both need to be 16 before you can have sex. This is because it's not until this time that most people are emotionally and physically developed enough to be able to understand and enjoy what's happening. Even at 16 you may not feel this way - many people don't - and it's perfectly fine to wait until you are ready, no matter how old you are.

Being in a relationship doesn't give someone the right to just have sex with you whenever they want. You are nobody's property, you're a person and you get to decide what you do with your body. If anyone treats you like less than a person, it's good to take a step back and ask what you are getting from that relationship.

If you tell your boyfriend how uncomfortable he makes you feel by asking this, and he still carries on doing it then you may want to think about how this [relationship is working](http://relationship is working) out. It might be that you want different things from it - and it's okay for both of you to want different things and to go your separate ways. What's not okay is for him to pressure you or make you feel uncomfortable whilst you're still together.

A good way to get a better understanding of how things are is to talk to someone who you trust and who cares about you, to get an outside opinion. Often people who are not involved can see things clearer than those who are. If you don't have anyone like this then you can always talk to Childline.

Thanks for your letter, I hope this helps.

Sam

Need help straight away?

You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.

Ask me a question

You can ask me about anything you want, there's nothing too big or small.