Kris an’ Murphy: Religious Conviction

Kris: “Free at last, free at last, thank God almighty I’m free at last! Where will you be spending your summer vacation, Murphy?”

Murphy: “My office. Thanks to that God almighty of yours.”

Kris: “What?!?”

Murphy: “The department needs someone to teach Comparative Religion this fall. I drew the short straw. I will be spending the summer designing the curriculum.”

Kris: “Why? What happened to Agnostidis?”

Murphy: “He retired two years ago.”

Kris: “But he’d taught that course for decades!”

Murphy: “And well, too. He was a credit to the school, and is badly missed.”

Kris: “Not to mention carrying the freight so the high-powered researchers can junket to Angkor Wat or whatever. Speaking of which, you’re usually the first one excused from stuff like this. What happened?”

Murphy: “You know as well as I do. Funding’s tight and getting tighter, what with the sequester and all the other pressures on operating budgets. All my grant and fellowship applications for this summer busted, the chair noticed, and he was merciless.”

Kris: “They couldn’t get a temporary lecturer? They’re getting them for everything else. It’s starting to be a worry.”

Murphy: “Tried that last year. One of the department grad students, in fact. Real money saver, they thought, because Agnostidis was a full Professor, of course. Big salary difference. But it didn’t work out so well.”

Kris: “Inexperience?”

Murphy: “Yeah. That, and a shocking deficiency in PC.”

Kris: “Huh?”

Murphy: “Let me illustrate. Real quiz question. ‘A person who has turned away from the major faith system of the Indian subcontinent is called a ____________.'”

Kris: “A what?”

Murphy: “A Hindon’t.”

Kris: “Eeeeeeyowee.”

Murphy: “I guess that means you don’t wish to know about the Muslim apostate.”

Kris: “No! I …”

Murphy: “Isn’tlam.”

Kris: “And there wasn’t a riot?!?”

Murphy: “We got it hushed up. Quickly. The student’s now working on the sociology of the albatrosses on the French Frigate Shoals. And we decided that senior faculty had better teach this course. Which means me.”

Kris: “Man, I’m sorry. What a task to be stuck with, especially over summer break. There’s always someone bound to take the subject matter too seriously.”

Murphy: “Well, there are space cadets in every class anyway. And that’s a great name for them. Thank you.”

Kris: “You’re welcome. What’d I do?”

Murphy: “Named the space cadets. Sirius Lee.”

Kris: “Are you serious?”

Murphy: “That’s the space station they come from. Too bad there are two of them …”

Kris: “Two?”

Murphy: “‘Two Sirius Lee.’ That’s what you said. Now I’m going to have to work out a way to tell them apart.”

Kris: “Argh. I suppose you’re now going to tell me that they’re all descendants of Robert E..”