Psst.

I have to tell you something.

Unless you’re fluid bonded with a trusted partner, you really need to use condoms. I hear so much complaining about condoms (they choke! they slow me down! they make me go limp! they dull sensation!) and I’m hearing even more about poly/swinger people not practicing safer sex! Don’t forget that you’re sleeping with everyone they’ve slept with and you are putting many people at risk when you throw caution to the wind and think, “It won’t happen to me!”

THINK BEYOND YOUR DICK.

So if you’re going to stick your penis in another person’s moist and sensitive orifice, take it from this promiscuous STI-free slut and WRAP IT UP! Here are some good options for you to try:

1. TheyFit Condoms – Offering 95 sizes, the company has tried to eradicate male sensitivity over measurements by giving each girth a random code. Men can use the “FitKit” chart to determine their perfect penile pouch.

2. Condoms you can put on drunk in the dark: Sensis. Watch this video that was appropriately filmed in bars. Sensis has little easy pull tabs, so no more fumbling around in the dark with lubed hands trying to tear a seamless wrapper.

3.Size matters: If you want larger size condoms, go with Magnum. If you want a snugger fit, try Kimono brand.

Snowman condom! Ho, ho, ho!

4. Are you artistic and like an interactive condom company? Try One, a cool company that offers several cool ways to win/earn free condoms and condom-related merchandise (very helpful for us poor folks!) You can submit designs for their condom wrappers and if you win, you get cash AND a year’s supply of condoms!

5. Custom art condoms: Get your photo or logo on the wrapper OR the condom by ordering YOU condoms. I could totally see Gene Simmons being into this concept…

6. For those who don’t care for the stinging, burning sensation of spermicide as it eats away at your sensitive tissue, try the condom sampler pack from Condom Depot. A variety of 100 condoms makes a great vagina – I mean, stocking – stuffer!

7. Internal Condoms. In my opinion, they’re like shoving a sandwich bag up your vagina, which isn’t very sexy, but if your man has issues with choking and sensation, these are a good option. I’ve used them with men who have trouble achieving orgasm with regular condoms, as they provide a different sensation. ALSO good for people who have a latex allergy, or for MFF threesomes so you don’t have to keep changing condoms in between partners.

Men – do you wish we had more female members? (Note: as of right now we have more than 4300 members on our Meetup group. I’m guessing it’s ~ 60% men, 40% women.)

Do you wish women were as fired up to get some action as you are?

When you attend our clothing optional events, is it important to you that there’s a decent number of women there?

Do you want to touch and be intimate with women?

Do you ever wonder how to best approach women? Are you successful in your dating endeavors?

Join us as we discuss sex-positive etiquette for men. We’ll give some examples of how NOT to interact with women online, and constructive suggestions on what works better. If you have questions, we have answers!

Please come if you would like to be more successful dating and hooking up with women. Come if you are a woman and want to share your experiences and preferences. Come if you are a man who is successful dating women and have some insight to share. Let’s all learn together and create a truly sex-positive space for everyone!

The reason why we hosted this event is because our female members informed us that they were being contacted by male members with inappropriate messages.

We have a member harassment policy in place. In addition, I made this quick video reminding men that our group is not intended as a dating or hookup site.

Here are examples of approaches that can be perceived as inappropriate:

Sending members you don’t know a message that you’re looking for sex.

Attending a happy hour and asking the women there if they will kiss any random man on the street.

Posting on the discussion board that we should host a penis size contest and make sure there are sexy ladies on hand to judge it.

When women get bombarded with strong questions and messages like that, it turns them off and drives them away.

I have always been a shy and reserved individual. I grew up in a conservative household where girls were expected to be polite and behave, and there was virtually no talk about sex. After my first sex ed class in 5th grade, my mom sat me down to watch a National Geographic episode about sex. The only thing my father ever said was, as I was on my way to college, “You better not get pregnant until you have your own health insurance.” Needless to say, I had no language or skills to know or ask for what I needed as a sexual being.

My first orgasms were exercise-induced and I had no idea what they were aside from an exquisitely pleasurable sensation that flooded through my body. I saw porn for the first time on TV while on a school trip to Europe, and that is how I learned to masturbate. In high school, I had a few fumbling relationships with boys, but we didn’t get past second base. I remember one particularly frustrating encounter in which I was trying to coyly hint that my high school boyfriend should move things along and grab my tits, but apparently we weren’t on the same wavelength because when I said “Go for it,” he paused and said, “But I don’t have a condom.”

It wasn’t until I met my future darling husband (DH) in college that my sexuality began to blossom. He knew how to make me cum and taught me many things. Our first time having intercourse was amazing and an experience I will always remember. Despite all of his love and encouragement, the conservative attitude with which I was brought up persisted and limited a lot of the activities in which I was willing to participate.

photo by xoxo Alice

Things started to change when we found out one of our friends was a boudoir photographer. She took amazing pictures of women… I dragged my feet on going because I was overweight and had body image issues, I would go when I had lost some weight.

When I found out I was pregnant with my first child, I thought, I better go now, I will never look as good after I have kids. So I went and had one of the best days of my life. I got a make over, dressed in sexy lingerie and was treated like a princess – I felt sexy as fuck. When DH came by later that day to help select the images my feelings were confirmed as I watched his jaw hit the floor. For the first time in my life I felt absolutely beautiful!

Six months after our son was born, DH approached me about attending a play party hosted by The Beautiful Kind. I agreed with a little apprehension, as the most risqué thing we had ever done was go to the strip club and walk through the Red Light District of Amsterdam.

We decided to start out easy with a happy hour hosted by Sex Positive St. Louis, so we could meet hostess Kendra Holliday and some of the other individuals we might meet at the party. I am usually very awkward at social events, but everyone was so welcoming and friendly! We had such a great time, we decided to attend Kendra’s party.

One of the things people contact me the most about is my TBK Play Parties. I’ve held more than a dozen over the past few years, and I’d love to have more! If you know of a classy place within 45 minutes of St Louis that can hold 50-100 adults, let me know. I’ve rented from AirBnB and Vacation Rentals, but the best bet is someone in the community volunteering their home. So, let me know if throwing an orgy is one of your 2019 New Year’s Resolutions!

You can read FAQs and more on my Party page. If you’d like to be added to my party email list, email me answers to the questions listed on that page. With more than 600 people on my list, whenever I announce a new party, the spots fill pretty fast.

Here is what someone attending the last party shared with me about their experience:

“There was a couple in one of the side bedrooms making love with the door open. We walked by and saw them. Since the door was open, we stopped to watch because we love being voyeurs. The couple smiled and invited us in. We obliged and entered the room. The hallway light cast enough illumination to see them. The ambient lighting made the display all the more intimate.

They were engaged in a doggy-style position with a slow and steady pace. After watching for a couple of minutes, my wife Jasmine walked up to the woman and whispered softly in her ear. I could not hear what she was saying. I imagined in my head she was complimenting the beauty of her golden brown skin or her phenomenal smile she was displaying when she saw us watching them.

After Jasmine was finished whispering, I saw the smile again return along with an affirming nod followed with a verbal, ‘Yes you can.’

I’m not talking about rodeos and eating steak and slinging guns and chewing tobacco. I do like country music, however – it’s so sentimental! And I LOVE country living – give me a cabin in the woods any day!

Do the right thing.

Here’s what I’m talking about.

People with Cowboy Ethics are rugged. They are patient. They are passionate. They don’t quit. They have a heightened sense of justice. They do the right thing.

Some people come by their Cowboy Ethics honestly – it’s effortless for them. Others need training, like me! I strive to live by the Code of the West.

Here are the ten tenets – how many of these ring true to you? Which ones do you need to work on?

1. Live each day with courage.

Be brave. Be strong. Conquer your fears. Courage means “to have heart.” Having courage means doing what is right, even when it scares the living daylights out of you. Be true to yourself.

My top three priorities are my daughter, my life’s passion (sex and relationships), and work (making money). Luckily, some of these things overlap. I’m a single mom, so I have to bust a move if I want to take my daughter on a nice trip or splurge on renting a fancy house for a play party.

I take my passion seriously and have pride in my work. I give talks at universities and for medical professionals. I work with licensed sex therapists. I mentor women interested in sex work. I host amazing events. I run a stellar volunteer organization. I absolutely LOVE my work as a counselor and sex surrogate. That is where my true talent lies, and where I make a real difference in people’s lives.

You should always try to leave people, places, and things better than you found them.

It’s good to have more than one way to make money. Be diverse in your skills, but also be an expert in something. Be passionate! What are your top three priorities? What are you passionate about?

“What has been learned can never be unlearned. Alcohol addiction is created when the subconscious mind knows that the one cure for the ill effects of alcohol can be remedied by more alcohol.”

In other words, you can turn a cucumber into a pickle, but a pickle can never become a cucumber again.

So, some of us are cucumbers, and some of us are pickles. There are a lot more pickles out there than you think! Sadly, I am a pickle. 🙁

I believe that anyone can become addicted to alcohol. My setup was the perfect storm – I’ve been self-employed for the past three years, so I had a flexible schedule. I hang out with drinkers. I love social drinking, but I also took to stress drinking due to family problems, and if you do that, you get addicted faster. Also, I’m a woman, and female bodies handle alcohol differently. For instance, even though no amount of alcohol is safe to consume, if you’re going to imbibe in moderation, the recommended amount for women is nine drinks a week, versus fourteen drinks for men.

I also learned that adding alcohol on top of my menopause symptoms was like putting gasoline on a fire.

WOOSH!

So, here I am. I know I should quit drinking permanently, but I’m still messing around with it. I stop drinking for a set amount of time – say, 30 days or 90 days, and then try moderating, which turns into daily drinking. I can’t moderate. I’ve tried. I can easily down 4-8 drinks A DAY. Yikes!

Well, not this month! I’m celebrating Drycember by sharing a gift every day. I’m also SUPER excited about a new concept happening here in St Louis – there’s a dive bar that is AF (alcohol free) every Sat night! It’s called Pop’s Blue Moon. I’ve been once so far, and can’t wait to go again.

For now, please enjoy my Drycember gifts, I’ve listed them below!

My partner Matthew has been getting me these tea calendars for years. The creator is BlueMoonstone on Etsy. I love traditions! Every morning, I take a pic of the tea and send it to him. Pineapple, Earl Grey, Strawberry Cheesecake, Ginger, Spearmint… mmm!

I asked Jan-Willem where he lived, and if women were more in touch with their sexuality there. I asked because there’s definitely some cultural influence at play. I wonder what countries or places are best for women to be more sexually authentic.

He replied, “I live in Holland, the first country to create a female porn channel. However, Dutch women are not that in touch with their sexuality, I find women from warmer countries more open, especially Brazil. The presenter in my film, Cheyenne Lohnen, is half Brazilian.”

It features a diverse cast of experts, from porn directors to economists to psychologists.

I’ve never had a male orgasm before, but from what I gather, female orgasms seem to be superior – up to 10 times more powerful than male, and more prolific, when given the right circumstances.

Personally, I enjoy a high libido and have a higher level of testosterone than the average woman my age (mid-40’s). I act out ravishing fantasies
via gang bangs, threesomes, and roleplay. I like to joke that I am bi-furious!

In my line of work, I hear from so many men in their 50’s and 60’s who tell me their wife is not interested in sex anymore and never initiates.

BUT so many of my female friends complain bitterly about their low drive male partners!

What gives?!

I recall so many times in past relationships where I stood in the doorway of my ex’s home office, asking for sex. They would have their back to me, at their computers. Frustrated, I would give up, and they would resent me pressuring them. Thankfully, my current partner of ten years and I have well-matched libidos and great communication, so we both get our emotional and physical needs consistently met.

The film talks about a Man Drought: 80% of women like 20% of the men available, whereas men are less selective with who they fuck.

I tell you what – in the United States we have a maturity issue when it comes to men. Men aren’t forced to grow up the way women are, and immaturity is a big turn off for most women. Patriarchy is the fear of the feminine AND mature masculine.

I was lying facedown on my bed, naked, receiving a wonderful massage from a man with strong, capable hands.

I’m pretty sure I’ve never been given THAT compliment before!

Flower power

I exclaimed, “What?! Really?! I have a funny butthole.” When I gave birth to my daughter 18 years ago, the stretching left a little skin tag on my anus that looks like I’m sticking my tongue out at you. I hated it, and asked for doctors to remove it, but they refuse, saying it’s fine the way it is.

And apparently, my play partner du jour likes it just fine. He told me he browses web cam girls, and has a special thing for feet and buttholes. He said, “A girl can have a pretty face and amazing body, but if she has gnarly feet or a gaping butthole, I can’t stick around.”

In fact, we ended up doing something different that day – he gave me a foot massage while I gave him a prostate massage – how cool is that! It felt very symbiotic.

I’ve posted a lot of up close and personal, aka graphic, photos on this blog – pics of my uterus, my cervix, my vulva, my breasts – but I don’t think I will ever post a pic of my asshole. You’ll have to ask nicely if you’d like to see it in person. 🙂

I’ve had many a man eat my ass. I like when they ask in advance, so I can prepare accordingly. Of COURSE I wash carefully before each encounter, but if you know someone is going to be inhaling your butt, you give it a little extra attention, right??

The last man who rimmed me did not ask – he just kept quickly licking at it like he was swiping frosting off a cake – I think he wasn’t sure if I would be okay with him doing it, so he was being sneaky with his licks, which was kind of amusing and hot.

I like it licked, but I don’t penetrate it very often. The last time I put something in my butt was a nozzle at a colon hydrotherapy appointment – not the most comfortable sensation.

I’m generous with my body and share it with many people. I allow people to touch me all over, fondle and squeeze and suck my breasts, and put things in my mouth and pussy.

But there’s only one man I allow backdoor access – my partner, and neither of us are that into anal. We’ve been through a few anal phases, where I did anal training. I’ve mopped his kitchen floor whilst naked and wearing a butt plug, and he’s fucked my ass many times, but it’s been a few years! We’ve achieved goals where he’s cum in my ass (I think he’s done it about three times ever, since his dick often gets too numb), and I’ve experienced powerful orgasms via anal sex (OK, now that I’m thinking about it, why don’t we do that more often?!)

You know what’s awesome? It was much easier writing the list of Top 10 Things That Have Been in My Vagina. My positive sexual experiences far outweigh my negative, and shine warmly in my head, eclipsing the dark, gross shitty stuff.

That’s because I have not let the negative things define me. I have overcome them, and defined my sexuality on my own terms. Each of the things below sucked bad, but they all made me a stronger person as a result.

Look, I’m not much into trigger warnings – I kinda figure if you’re alive and on the internet, you’re going to run into some raw dog shit. But I’ll go ahead and let you know that the list gets progressively worse. A yeast infection is a walk in the park compared to some of the hell that follows.

UGH. Give my pussy a break!!!

10. Yeast. I’m glad to say I have a hardy vagina – some women I know have to deal with chronic yeast or bladder infections. For the most part, mine can endure all kinds of crazy activity and then go on about its business. I have had a few yeast infections though, and itchy, pissed off vaginas are no fun! They’re actually pretty gross. It’s cool modern medicine has evolved such that you just need to pop one pill orally and be done with it, as opposed to seven days of injecting applications of messy creams up there.

9. Bad bacteria. I’ve had two nasty, disgusting bacterial vag infections in my life, and they both developed from the same hot tub. It was a nice, clean swinger hot tub in West County, and I’ve been in all kinds of hot tubs and lakes with no problem, and no one else who was in the tub had an issue, so it must’ve been a bad reaction with my personal chemistry. I smelled like rotting fish down there. Had to go to the doctor for medicine, good grief! Needless to say, I stopped hot tubbing with that couple, even though they were nice. I had gross associations with them, like when you eat a can of sauerkraut and then throw up afterward.

8. A really big dick. I’ve been with all sizes of dicks. I prefer average size – 5-7 inches when erect. I dated one guy for a while with an 8-inch-dick. It wasn’t ideal for me. Then one day, I slept with a man who had a 9-inch-dick – talk about a world of hurt! IT SUCKED. I wasn’t into it AT ALL. I grimaced my way through it and avoided him after that, which made me feel gross.

A few years ago, the Riverfront Times published an article titled Top Ten Things That Have Been in The Beautiful Kind’s Vagina: NSFW. I was SO honored. I’m pretty sure no other woman has that distinction. The article is by now out of date, so I’m going to offer my own, more accurate version. GOD my vagina has been good to me! Holy shit I’ve had a lot of people and things in my vagina! (For context, click here to see what my pussy looks like – the glorious gateway to my vagina!)

10. Tapio, my wooden dildo. One of my favorite sex toys. My lovely super smooth dildo glows like a tiger’s eye and smells like cedar. Very warm and inviting. He is the most living inanimate object I’ve ever fucked.

Tapio wooden dildo

9. An abortionist. I seriously can’t imagine what life would be like right now if I hadn’t gotten an abortion in 2007. It was a sucky situation and a difficult decision to make, but I am infinitely grateful I had the legal option to exercise my right to choose.

I love contrast.

8. Big black cock. I’m sorry, but even if the cock isn’t technically “big” (and lord knows I’m not a size queen!), it still sounds better to say it that way. I’ve had the pleasure of fucking several handsome black men. Here is one of them.

7. Hitachi Magic Wand Attachment. OMG I LOVE THIS THING! I use the Hitachi Magic Wand every day, but every once in a while, I add the attachment. It fits over the head and inserts perfectly snug. I lube it up and it’s like a benevolent alien tentacle bathing me in white light, inside and out. It’s gripping and intense and when I cum, it hurts so good! My vagina grabs on tight and doesn’t want to let go. I yelp when I pull it out after my rockin’ session, phew!

An interview with a man whose wife keeps him under lock and key. Literally. This interview is all about male chastity.

The Beautiful Kind: How long have you been married?

Chaste Hubby: We have been married for 2 years and together for 5. She moved in with me after about 5 weeks of dating.

This cock cage was no good 🙁

TBK: Are you sub and is your wife Domme?

CH: When I am in chastity, I am sub but we like to switch. Depends on the mood.

TBK: How did the male chastity thing first come up?

CH: I always thought the idea of a woman having control over a man’s most private parts to be very erotic. I have always enjoyed some type of erotic restraint so lock & key chastity was a natural progression.

TBK: What does it MEAN exactly? You’re denied sex? Or orgasm?

CH: I receive orgasm or sex when she feels it is appropriate. On her terms.

TBK: Do you wear a chastity belt?

CH: Yes. When I am in chastity I am locked in a CB-3000 male chastity device. (Ed note: Click on the link for more info about this device. It’s made of plastic, has vents for cleaning and urinating, and is light weight. They recommend that you use a plastic lock in place of the brass padlock when traveling so you don’t set off alarms.)

TBK: Ooh, what does it do?

CH: It prevents erection, and when I become aroused it has a set of points installed that reminds me that I am doing something or thinking of something that is not allowed. She has both keys & for the most part wears them on some part of her body. Necklace, belly chain or anklet. Seeing the keys to my freedom/release on her otherwise nude body is torment in itself.

I LOVE sharing intimate space with others, whether it be platonic, vanilla, freaky, or fucked up.

But I REFUSE to be intimate with people I don’t know, even if they pay me a million dollars.

Why? Because I want to feel safe and comfortable. I want to be brought up to speed.

So, here is the key to your happiness:

The Queen’s Keep, indeed!

I assume you’ve seen my stuff online and you’ve done your homework. You’ve read some posts, tweets, YouTube vids, and feel like you can get REAL with me.

But! Slow your roll! I don’t know YOU AT ALL.

Imagine if I came at you out of the blue using a pseudonym and cartoon avatar, and you had NO idea what I look like, if I was genuine and meant you no harm, and I grabbed you by the inbox and asked you to go down on me TODAY.

Would you have questions? I hope so!

Here’s the deal:

My house rules: First hour meeting is talking only, second hour is intro intimacy session. I never agree to be intimate with someone sight unseen, hence the one hour talking consult first.

Meeting in person for one hour getting to know each other is bare minimum for me to commit to more. I have a formula in place for building intimacy and trust. So many men want to jump ahead and it doesn’t work that way in reality, only in fantasy.

If you want to get freaky with a woman, you need to take a few steps in order to get there. Unlike you, she is not in your head & ready to rock right now. She needs to feel safe and comfortable first. THEN it can get freaky!

Make sense? Thank you. Now slow down and follow my rules. If you don’t, you are experiencing dickful thinking and you waste my time and we both get frustrated. 🙁

If you can take a moment and see the bigger picture – the one that involves not only your dick, but also your body and mind, and me as a person who cares about you, and we’re both in this big confusing world together – THEN we can make your fantasies come true!

I’m 45 years old, turning 46 on Mar 23! Here is my life trajectory so far:

1973: I’m born in North Dakota. Brrrr!

My birthday suit, aka my first nude photoshoot

1974: My family moves to Dallas, Texas.

1975: Who the hell knows.

1976: My brother is born.

1977: Um, Elvis dies?

Drinking the blood of Elvis

1978: My sister is born. My brother throws up. I remember my first dream; I’m kidnapped by Captain Hook and held hostage with Raggedy Ann and Andy. He cuts off my foot and it looks like SpaghettiOs.

1979: My family moves to St. Louis.

1980: My baby brother is born, and dies two days later. My mom tries to kill herself several times, and when that fails, she burns his name into the back of her hand with a soldering iron. She is never the same again. A very dark time.

1981: Life still sucks. My mom is a complete wreck.

1982: My brother is born. My grandmother dies.

1983: I get molested by an older, adopted brother. It SUCKS. I get sent to therapy, and I don’t know why. I think I’m being punished. I am a victim.

1984: I have my first lesbian encounter. It’s hot and naughty. I’m 11.

1985: My baby sister is born. I drop her on her head, but don’t kill her. Skeptical about god’s involvement, I become an atheist.

1986: I hit puberty and middle school, and lose all my artistic talent and confidence. My family is poor white trash, and I am branded a zitty nerd. It sucks.

1987: My mom keeps getting crazier and crazier. It makes me crazy, and I attempt suicide. I spend time in three different mental hospitals. I lose my virginity to a 24 year old creep with a mustache because he keeps badgering me and I finally give in. It sucks.

1988: My moms tries to kill herself again. I put pressure on her slashed, gaping arms as my dad calls the ambulance. She gets hospitalized a lot, and OD’s, and gets shock treatment. I fuck around and feel very confused. It sucks.