Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Financial Cycles: Bikes is Big Business

Are you proficient in the maintenance and repair of German made air-cooled automobile engines?

If you answered "Fork yes!" to two out of three of the above questions, I should remind you that later today I will be dispensing free Knogstuffs (while supplies last) at a secret time and place which is as follows:

5pm-6pm

Brooklyn side of the Manhattan Bridge

Also, I found a few t-shirts, which I'll give away too:

The catch is they're all size XL, which means you either have to be a size XL, or else willing to wear a t-shirt that's way too big for you, or else an able seamster or seamstress who will fashion the t-shirt into a pillowcase, tapestry, or punk rock butt-flap.

I'm not sure where exactly I'll be on the Brooklyn side of the Manhattan Bridge, but just look for someone who looks slightly addled and extremely disheveled who's sitting in a folding chair next to a Surly Big Dummy with an Xtracycle PeaPod LT and loaded with Knog products.

Then give him $20 and he'll tell you where I am.

Lastly, remember, while everything's free, you must (must!) present a coupon in order to receive anything. Think of it as organized looting.

Three billion whatevers-they-are is something like US$5 billion, which is a lot of of bike stuff, though it will only cost you $4billion if you order everything from Nashbar between now and Sunday and enter coupon code "PLUMMETING-GNP." Also, sales of bike stuff is only part of the story, since it turns out that people who ride bicycles are more productive in the workplace:

The report says that regular cyclists take 7.4 sick days per year, compared with 8.7 sick days for non-cyclists, saving around £128m through reduced absenteeism, with projected savings of £2bn over the next 10 years.

See that? Cyclists aren't shiftless non-conformists looking to subvert the system, smash capitalist greed, and undermine the status quo. We're actually good little consumers, and we also give more of ourselves than non-cyclists to the soulless corporations for whom we work. This allows them to extract that much more of our hearts and spirits, which they can then render into more profits for themselves so that their executives can receive bigger bonuses.

Yay, "bi-keen!"

So, like, maybe we can have a few more bike lanes now? Or not. Sorry, I was just asking. I'll get back to work now.

But if cycling is big business in the U of K, it's even moreso in Croatia, where a reader tells me riders are so flush with cash that they are "rubbing" Mercedes cockpits:

Not only that, but they've got matching Mercedes leg shields too:

Notice the exquisite hand-stitched artisanal curation of the Mercedes logoway:

And since cyclists the world over have such formidable buying power, this entrepreneur should have no problem whatsoever raising the quarter of a million dollars for his self-inflating bicycle tire:

Here's the pitch:

Imagine taking your bicycle out of the garage and never having to fill up the tires or even check the pressure. Or imagine yourself being able to change your tire pressure on-the-fly with a simple adjustment from the handlebars. Our project is to bring two self-inflating bicycle tires to market, the City Cruiser and City Pro. Both tires are intended for the urban cyclists and both tires incorporate the patented PumpTire technology.

Gosh, yaaah! That would like totally make bi-keen even more ahsome! Can you explain it to me in greater detail in an video?

A number of people seem to think that there's one crucial obstacle keeping people from riding bicycles, and that if they can remove it then millions more people will ride and then they will become rich. Moreover, every one of these people seems to have a different idea of what this obstacle actually is. Some people think that it's the greasy chains scaring people away, so they market bikes with belt drives, shaft drives, no drivetrains at all... Others think it's the Lycra or fixed-gears or general competitive vibe that's so off-putting, and so they sell comfy bikes in pretty colors and invent imaginary countercultures like the "slow cycling movement." For this guy, though, the big obstacle is pneumatic tire maintenance, which ironically has not prevented the entire Earth from being overrun by automobiles. Anyway, with his invention, you'll never have to go through the huge inconvenience of topping off your tires every month or so ever again:

Why Bicycle Tires Lose Pressure

Bicycle tires lose pressure due to air molecules diffusing through the rubber sidewalls. This requires cyclists to fill their tires on a fairly regular basis due to the high operating pressures (up to 120 psi) and thin sidewalls of most bicycle tires. PumpTire solves this problem by incorporating a pumping mechanism directly into the tire. And this means ... fewer pinch flats, no more pumping, hands stay clean, less time getting ready and more time on the saddle.

Of course, what he fails to take into account is that most people can figure out how to put a little air in their tires if they feel squishy (triathletes excluded, at least based on what I've seen), but what they do have trouble with is repairing punctures while they're riding--you know, the nails and pieces of glass that cause all the air to escape. When this happens, regardless of whether they're riding a regular tire or a "self-inflating" one, they're going to do the same thing they do in their cars, which is stand there looking helpless until someone comes to help them. Plus, the sorts of people who don't know how to top off their own tires are also the sorts of people who leave their bikes sitting so long that the tires go totally flat between rides, and I doubt even a "self-inflating" tire will inflate itself if the bike is unrideable to begin with.

Mazel Tov, Cleveland, on this, the occasion of your Smug Mitzvah. Perhaps PumpTire guy should create a special bike-moving tire, which would allow the mover adjust the blow-off valve depending on what he or she is hauling at any given moment. "Hold on, I think I just bottomed out! Can we stop for a minute? I need to set my valve to 'ottoman!'" Sure, stopping a smugness convoy like that can be irritating, but it does give everybody time to drool over each other's cargo trailers:

This was an obstacle for us, because as much as excitement is building around biking in Clevelandtown, there still aren’t a whole lot of carfree Clevelanders, and those are the types to have the fully-loaded drool-worthy cargo trailers.

It's a good thing the sorts of people who drool over cargo trailers also tend to have highly absorbent beards, or else they'd get saliva all over the furniture.

From the article "Ten cyclists moved one Frank Lanza..., completely by bicycle!!"followed by "for the sake of honesty and professional ethics, we must admit, there was a truck involved for moving a bed, couch and giant antique radio"

So they are to moving someone completely by bicycle as Dave Z is to riding the Tour completely Vegan.

My dad asked me if my sister's wal-mart bike might have tubeless tires since they wouldn't hold any air. I told him he has a puncture and needed a new tube. He then asked if he needed to take it to a bike shop to get it fixed. I told him he could, but he'd get laughed at and pay an extra $20 for the privilege.

This is the bike that was $40 new, but she sank $125 for a new wheel and a set-screw adjustment single-speed "conversion."

The report that you mention about sick days is faulty. Every cyclist knows that you "save" your sick days for those "epic" three day, weekend training binges. To make up for this, they go to work when sick. This causes the other employees to become sick (as if they matter), and causes a total loss, countrywide of 500 Billion whatevers.

I was actually more impressed with the video camera / pressure gauge setup they came up with than the worthless self inflating tire.

The whole thing is quite "penisinal," with the constant pumping and consternation over potential flaccidity, not to mention the gauge to set the pressure actually makes it look like your wheel has an inconcealable erection.

Snob, my friend from Seattle is in nyc and will stop to get me free goodies but he doesn't have a computer there or a smart phone to print th coupon! Can u give him a break? Thankssinc;"El Jefe" kickass

I was going to pedal over from the west coast, but I forgot to factor in the 3 hour time difference. There's no way I'd make it in time, even at WOO-HOO speed. Just as well, I suppose. I'm pretty sure Knog products are incompatible with derailleur equipped cycling bicycles. Keep bi-keen everyone!

I was having lunch at a sports bar near Times Square when I heard the news of the earthquake. I sat next to some tourists from Scotland. One of them asked me: "so, do these earthquakes happen all the time around here?".

I'll be at the Schwagfest. Being that I'm dead you won't see me but I'll be there. Leave my XL tee dangling from the bridge railing on a 30 foot piece of florocarbon fishing line. At least 60 pound test. I will float by and pick it up later as I'm quite busy right at the moment staring intently at your opening HI SIGN!

You're right, a lot of the bikes are bought in. Same as elsewhere, though, there are low volume/high quality bikes made; Mercian, Hetchins*, Pashley, Bob Jackson, Dave Yates and so on. I work for a bike shop with its own brand bikes, they're bought in, always have been - the only difference is that now we buy them directly from Vietnam or Korea, whereas before the company in England that we bought them from bought them in...

Moving by bicycle is SO not new. I did it thirty years ago, moving from a college ghetto hovel, into another college ghetto hovel several blocks away. The secret to a successful move was not a bunch of trailers, it was a LOT of trips. And borrowing the neighbor's skateboard."Get off my lawn!"

@Etherhuffer-- in addition to using "regardless", Snobby (Lob bless him) wrote "whatevers-they-are" rather than "whatever they ares", (or, heaven forfend, "whatever they are's"). Lest this shining moment be lost amidst the neanderthal jollity and geologic hijinks (not to mention upcoming knog-fest and brawl), it merited mention.

Sorry I can't be at the knog-fest; I'm still standing in my doorway in Boston, waiting for the all-clear signal.

“The magic is in new experiences, so do something you’ve never done – go out in a kayak, camp in the wild.”In her two years at Volda’s university, Randi Ødegården has not seen a great deal of the town. Her bachelor course has largely involved hiking, skiing and paddling through its surrounding mountains, forests and deep blue waters. At 23, she is just one exam away from qualifying with a degree in friluftsliv.

Awesomest thing about the Manhattan bridge give-away (besides the free tshirt thanks) was the fixter skidding out on the commuter race once he saw a bunch of bike dorks huddled around. Like "hey, what's going on?! Is this something cool i should know about?". No, just a bunch nerds looking for free swag.

@Catwhisperer: you mistake the comments; we are grammar-o-philes (as it were), and are genuinely complimenting WRM on his fearsome and mighty command of the English language. Proof reader? He don't need no stinkin' proof reader.

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About Me

While I love cycling and embrace it in all its forms, I'm also extremely critical. So I present to you my venting for your amusement and betterment. No offense meant to the critiqued. Always keep riding!