Sloburbia (reprise)

William Shakespeare didn’t earn a reputation as the greatest writer in the English language without knowing how to craft a good insult. Whether tragedies or comedies, his plays are peppered with vicious put-downs sure to keep his audience entertained. Here are a couple of my favorites.

If you’re new to Friday Flash Fiction, our feisty facilitator, who can dish it out as well as take it, is Wilhelmina Snakewit Wisoff-Fields. If you’d like to participate in this exercise of madness, head over to her blog for step-by-step instructions. To view the ensemble of practicing fic-titioners in the writers in FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.

copyright – Yvette Prior

“Have you met the couple who moved into the Fredrick’s house?” Judi snuffed the butt of her cigarette on an empty beer can.

“Her name is Nikki. She’s a freak.” Wanda cleared a spot on the ottoman with the heel of her flip-flop. “What they did to that house is a crime.”

“You’ve been inside?”

“Yeah, it’s bad. I almost hurled a couple of times. The counters were spotless, you could eat off the floor, and the toilet had clean water.”

“That’s disgusting. How can people live like that?” Judi flipped a booger across the room. “There goes the neighborhood.”

There goes the neighborhood. I don’t know how the girls can stand that Type A, low class, mop pushing, counter cleaning, toilet wipe. Once more you’ve inspired us all to mediocre lacks of height. I retch in your honor.

Ugh, Russell. I take it that’s Judi’s coffee table in the picture. That was some final sentence. Of course, the clean house sounds like something out of “The Stepford Wives”. That’s sanitary but scary. 😀 — Suzanne

Oh lawzy! No one could insult quite like the Bard. I’m thinking we should bring some back… so much more eloquent than :Yo! Your’e a f***ing ***hole!”
As to those clean freaks… you just can’t control who moves in next to you, can you?

One of my favorite insults is by Winston Churchill in his response to Bessie Braddock who said he was disgustingly drunk. ‘My dear you are ugly, but tomorrow I shall be sober and you will still be ugly.’

Subverting the paradigm as usual, eh, Russell? I like all the little details in your story – the flip-flop, snuffing out the butt on a beer can – all giving us a great picture of the horror that is sloburbia!

Ha! We humans are known to look down on those who live differently than we do. I like to think of myself as tolerant, but I’m rather averse to the idea of having a booger flipped across the room at me.

This is the blog of a woman who is seriously on the edge and I mean right ON the edge…no, not there… just a little bit further… further than that…no, further still…just a tiny bit more… just move slightly to the right a little…no, that’s too much…just move a tad to the left…that’s right, just there…now you’ve moved too far to the left… Damn, what part of the ‘on the edge’ do you not understand? Oh, and her matricidal boy genius, come devil spawn.