Go on sex fast & add some sizzle

By Karabo Disetlhe-Mtshayelo -
05 October 2017 - 11:53

"Ninety days, no sex.

All relationship, all talk, all cuddle.I found at the end of 90 days I was more in love, more turned on. I knew who she was. It wasn't like 'let's go out because I know I'm going to get some sex later'. It was more, 'let's go out because I wanna talk to you. I wanna know you'."

Those are some excerpts that came from a Huffpost Live interview with television personality Terry Crews, when he recently shocked everyone by revealing that he and wife Rebecca had gone on a three-month sex fast to strengthen their marriage.

While most people would think that a sexless marriage is headed straight for the dogs, Crews argues that it can actually bring a couple together, and says that he would recommend it to anyone whose marriage is stuck in a rut.

Crews received some backlash on social media, with some people citing that he had actually shot himself in the foot with the fast, as an idle mind starts to wander.

However, sex and relationship columnist Dorothy Black says that Crews may be onto something with a sex fast.

"The 'fast' is meant as a sort of reset button. It's easy to slip into a rut with your long-term partner, take them for granted sexually and sensually, and get lazy about the actual sex act. Maybe you stop touching and caressing as much, simply diving into penetration to get to the 'goal' of an orgasm.

"So the idea of a 'sex fast' is to refocus your attention to the other physical aspects of your intimate relationship and to explore other ways of relating to each other physically.

"This time is also used to talk more, to build your communication and trust bonds again," she says.

Black also reveals that couples should set the benchmark for how long the sex fast will last and that it does not necessarily has to be a long haul like Crews' and his wife.

"There's no hard and fast rule about a 'sex fast', but basically you and your partner agree to abstain from sex for a period of time. This doesn't mean being completely without intimacy - you can hug, kiss and cuddle, you just don't engage in sexual play.

So what does one do with themselves during the fast?

Black says couples should use this time to cough up their feelings and desires.

Black cautions however that a sex fast is not to be taken lightly by a couple, as things can go downhill very quickly if not executed properly.

"A sex fast is not a decision to simply switch off from the physical relationship.

"It requires a high level of emotional intelligence, communication skills and the commitment to using the time to reconnect and learn about each other.

"If you stop talking, touching and exploring new ways to be physical with each other you run the risk of becoming alienated over this time," warns the columnist.