Random musings on history, politics, and more

The reminder that September 13th is “programmers day” got me to thinking about all the other strange and crazy days that people observe throughout the year. While some, like the upcoming Talk Like a Pirate Day are all-inclusive (if annoying), most tend do be exclusive. I’m not talking about politically-correct occupational recognition days, but the more narrowly-focussed days of the year whose celebratory spirits simply don’t apply to everyone.
A great example is the manly-man anti-Valentine’s Day, Steak and BJ day. In theory, it’s a “do something nice for that special guy in your life” day, which seems like a noble sort of sentiment that everyone can get behind. In practice, though, this particular annual festivity leaves single men, vegetarians, vegans, the poor, and the ultra-conservative – not to mention women – in the lurch. Besides, it’s not really a family-friendly sort of festivity, now is it?

So it was that I, Nemo de Monet, stepped to the forefront and righted this wrong by declaring the second monday in November – that’s November 12th, this year – Tofu Dog and a Hug Day. Regardless of your age, gender, sexual preference, religion, or dietary preferences, there’s nothing to stop you from enjoying this day to its absolute fullest in a global celebration of platonic friendship and blandly inoffensive bean-curd products. As your stash of leftover halloween candy comes to an end, as anxiety over the upcoming family holidays (and all the candy you’ve eaten) builds, what more could you ask for than a freshly-microwaved tofu dog and a hug from someone who cares at least a little bit about you? What better way to start yet another week of work or school? What better way to distract you, however momentarily, from the mounting nondenominational winter holiday-related credit card bills? What better way to help combat SAD? Sure, a week-long all-expenses-paid vacation and a lot of spending money would do the trick, but this is a day for real people, after all.

Let’s face it, fellatio is pretty darned grand, and nothing screams excess quite like a big, juicy steak done just right, but for those of us a little less lucky, less fortunate, or less carnivorous, a tofu dog and a chaste expression of non-romantic affection are a lot more likely to happen. That being the case, why not celebrate what makes we teeming millions of men, women, and everything in between so fortunate, eh? Mark your calendars, ready your microwaves (one tofu dog, high power, 45 seconds), tell your friends, and get ready to let the real people in your life know how much you appreciate them. Together, at least for a day, we can make the world an ever-so-slightly better place.