Bolt (2008 film)

Bolt is a 2008 film about a dog who lived his whole life on the set of a television set, and therefore thinks he has super powers. Thinking that his owner, Penny, has been kidnapped, he sets out across the country to "rescue" her.

No, Bolt! That's what they do, okay? They act like they love you! They act like they'll be there forever! And then one day they pack up all their stuff and move away, and take their love with them and leave their declawed cat behind to fend for herself! They leave her... wondering... what she did wrong.

Listen to me, okay? We're being taken to a place where humans go animal shopping, alright? And this is what humans do. They always pick the cute ones, the ones that look like you, Bolt, but the rest of us never come back out.

Figures I'm tied to the one dog on Earth that doesn't know how to beg. Huh. If you want the f... ah, the antidote, you're gonna have to do exactly what I say.

No, no, no, please, it can't end like this!

You can't, Bolt! You got nothing! No super strength, no super bark... and no heat vision! [cut to Bolt trying to use his heat vision]

Terry:[watching over recording of filming of Bolt and Penny, up to the point of the swarming of Calico's men when he sees a boom mic in the background] Ugh! Boom mic?!

Worker #1: We got a boom mic.

Worker #2: It's a boom mic.

Terry: That's sloppy. The dog could have seen that. He could have seen that!

Mindy: Uh, who cares if the dog sees a boom mic?

Terry: Forgive me for answering a question with a question, but who are you?

Mindy: Mindy Parker, from the Network.

Terry: Of course. Let me ask you, Mindy from the Network, what do you see here? [pointing to the screen with picture of Bolt]

Mindy: Uh, the dog?

Terry:[whispers] "The dog", she says. Oh, Mindy. Poor, poor Mindy.

Mindy: Am I... missing something?

Terry: You're missing everything, Mindy. You see a dog. I see an animal who believes with every fiber of his being, every fiber, that the girl he loves is in mortal danger. I see a depth of emotion on the face of that canine the likes of which have never been captured on screen before. Never, Mindy from the Network! We jump through hoops to make sure Bolt believes everything is real. It's why we don't miss marks. It's why we don't re-shoot. And it's why we most certainly do not let the dog see boom mics! [sighs] Because, Mindy from the Network, [reaches hand up to a screen showing a close-up of Bolt's determined expression] if the dog believes it, the audience, believes it!

Mindy: Wow. Okay, you want reality, here you go, chief. The show's too predictable. The girl's in danger, the dog saves her from the creepy English guy, we get it. There's always a happy ending. And our focus groups tell us that 18 to 35-year-olds are unhappy. They're not happy with happy. So maybe you should, I don't know, spend a little less time worrying about the dog's method acting and more time figuring how to stop 20-year-olds in Topeka from changing the channel, because if you lose so much as half a rating point, so help me I will fire everyone in this room, starting with you! How's that for real? [slams door]

Almond: So, the dog thinks this is all real?

California: Oh, yeah, you’re new. Guy, never leaves the set. It’s unbelievable. Whenever I get the chance, this is the perfect way to unwind.

[Calfornia hops onto the bumper of the trailer, then climbs onto its roof; Almond does the same]

California: I like to start with an evil laugh. [he laughs]

Bolt:[gets up and looks up at the cats] Hello, hairballs.

California: You may have won today, Bolt, but in the end, we will get your little Penny.

Bolt: Not likely, cat, for you've chosen to follow the path of evil. Ultimately I'll destroy you, along with your fiendish puppet-master!

Almond:[in awe] Wow!

California: I know, right? Okay, watch this. [in a louder evil voice] She’s a goner, dog. The green-eyed man has a plan, and soon, he will execute it!

Almond:[laughs] Yeah, and then, he will execute... her![chuckles]

California:[turns to Almond] Nice.

Bolt: I would super-bark you both back into the hole you crawled out of, but I need you alive, because I’ve got a little message for you to take back to your green-eyed man. You tell him his old friend Bolt said that—

California: Is it long?

Bolt:[bewildered] I-Is what long?

California: The message? Is it-is it long message? Because I have a horrible memory.

Bolt: Yeah, I'll make it brief, alright? You tell him I said I'm gonna—

California: You know what? Why don’t we do this; [to Almond] You remember the first half of the message, and then I'll remember the second, and then we can pass it on to the green-eyed man together.

Bolt: Oh, I don’t care how the message is translated, alright?! Just do it, okay?! You tell the green-eyed man that I will not sleep, I will not rest, until my Penny is safe from his evil clutches. You tell the green-eyed man that—-

California: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Way too many words. I was like "What?" and then I was like "Huh?" and then, uh, I got a little bored. Something about clutches? Anyway, I'll do my best. Ciao! [jumps off the trailer]

Almond: By the way, huge fan, love it, love you, gotta go. Thank you.

Penny:[pinning a picture on the wall] There. Perfect. You saved me again, Bolt. [hammer sounds are made, causing Bolt to growl at the door] It's okay, it's nothing. No more bad guys. [Bolt growls again] You want some food, Bolty? Huh? Are you hungry? [another growl; Penny fills a food dish and picks it up, knocking a measuring cup onto the floor, making Bolt growl] You got 'em, Bolt. No one's gonna hurt me. [another growl] Bolt, look at me, I am fine, see? Come here, buddy! Come here! [Bolt ignores her] Go get it Bolt, go get it! [Penny throws a ball and Bolt's eyes follow it but he doesn't move] Yeah, that one's no fun either. [gasps] Well, what do we have here? Your old buddy, Mr. Carrot! [Bolt looks at her, then shakes his head and goes back to staring at the door; Penny's cell phone vibrates and Bolt looks at it, whimpering] Ah, Bolt. You know I have to go. [Bolt is still whimpering as Penny goes to him and moves him away from the door. Bolt whimpers again and puts his head in her lap] Yeah, you're my good boy. [Bolt whimpers again as Penny leaves]

Agent: There she is, my little super star! Let's get to that Teen Vouge cover shoot!

Penny:[ignores him] Mom, I wanna take Bolt home this weekend.

Penny's Mother: I uh... well, that would be--

Agent: Oh, that'd be nice. That'd be great. That would. A little girl and her... her dog. Nothing better than that. He-he...

Penny:[hopefully] So I can bring Bolt home?

Agent: As your friend, I say yes! Absolutely! But as your agent, I have to remind you. This is Bolt's world. He has to stay right here! Okay, let's go.

Penny: But he never gets to be a real dog! And it would only be for the weekend and I just--

Agent: You know what... It's a fair question. Let's do this. Let's put a pin in it! Boop! Pin in, there you go. Now let's that hang there a bit and then we'll address that, when we've thought things through. Okay, good enough for everybody? Smiles all around? Let's get out of here. Come on!

Penny: I don't need to think it through! I wanna take Bolt home!

Agent: Look at this face! I have a little girl at home, love of my life. I would do anything for her. And I would trade her for you, in a heartbeat! True story! That reminds me of, we need to be heading over to wardrobe. Let's go!

Pigeons: You got her, pal! That's her. That is definitely the right cat.

Mittens:[looks at Bolt] Heh.

Bolt: Looks like we're gonna do this the hard way.

[cut to Bolt holding Mittens off a highway overpass by the scruff of her neck]

Mittens: WHOA! HEY, YOU'RE CRAZY, MAN!

Vinnie: Hey, Joey. Do we go to far in this?

Joey: You kidding? This is the best day of my life.

Bolt: You work for the men in black, who work for the man with the green eye. They've taken Penny. Where is she?!

Mittens: I don't know what you're talking about!

Bolt: This is becoming tiresome, cat! In fact, I feel a yawn coming on!

Mittens: Okay! Okay! Okay! Okay, I'll talk! I'll talk! I know where Penny is. Yeah! They have her! Yes! The men in black and the guy, the guy with the blue eyes!

Bolt: Blue eyes?

Mittens: Um... Oh. Green! Yes, green! The one green eye!

Bolt: You just can't stop lying, can you, cat? It's in the genes. This is gross.

Mittens: I know. it's disgusting. I disgust myself. Huh? [notices Bolt's collar that contains the words Hollywood and Bolt's address] Hollywood... But, if you put me down, I'll show you where she is.

Bolt: Hmm... padlock. [stares intensely at padlock]

Mittens:[trying to get away] Listen Cujo, I got some pretty wicked claws under these mitts, do not, I beg of you, do not make me bring out these bad boys! It gets ugly! [Bolt continues to stare at padlock] What are you doing? [tries to get in front of him]

Bolt: Stay back! If I stare at the lock really hard, it'll burst into flames and melt.

Mittens: Now I'm concerned on a number of levels.

Bolt: Styrofoam! [opens truck door] Tuck and roll!

Mittens: Tuck and what?!

[Bolt and Mittens jump out a speeding U-haul truck]

Bolt: What? What is this red liquid coming from my paw?

Mittens: It's called blood, hero.

Bolt: Do I need it?

Mittens: Yes, so if you want to keep it inside your body where it belongs, you should stop jumping off trucks doing 80 ON THE INTERSTATE!!

Bolt: Yeah, well usually I'm a tad more industructable. Must have been... [gasps] Styrofoam! That stuff, it weakens me!

Mittens: Oh, you bet I'm mad, baby! And I'm about to unleash it! The power of the Styrofoam!

Bolt: Alright, cat! Okay! You win! I'll untie you. [pause] That's a weird place to put a piano. [Mittens looks over her shoulder] Hye-yah! [Bolt karate chops Styrofoam out of Mittens' paw and lands on top of her] Are we going to have any more problems, cat?

Mittens: No, no. No more problems. I'll take you to Penny.

Bolt:[starts sniffing] Ah! What is that? [referring to his growling stomach]

Mittens: What?

Bolt: That! Okay, you have two seconds to tell me what you've implanted in me, cat! Poison? A parasite? Poison? Wait, I said that already. See, I'm all discombobluated! I can't think straight!

Mittens: I don't believe this. You're hungry.

Bolt:[steps on the leash which pulls Mittens closer] Where is the antidote?!

Mittens: Okay, okay! Alright!

Mittens: There's your antidote. Food. Go on. Use the dog face. This is gonna be beautiful... You know, beg... Do the dog face!

Bolt: What? The dog face? What is that mean?

Mittens: Figures I'm tied to the one dog on Earth that doesn't know how to beg. Huh. Okay, if you want the f... eh... the antidote, you're gonna have to do exactly what I say.

Bolt:[exhales] Uhm, not likely. You're a degenerate creature of darkness.

Mittens: Yeah, yeah, granted, with that said, all I'm asking you to do is just tilt your head a little low, you can do that, can't you. Come on! [he does] More. More.

Mittens: Okay, try it the other way. There you go. Tilt up. Um, down. Now a little smile. Uh, lose the smile. Drop your left ear. Your other left. Okay, the other way was better. Now, drop them both. Hold it right there. And ever so slightly look up. Soup is on, baby!

Rhino: Bolt! I can be a valuable addition to your team!

Bolt: I'm listening...

Rhino: I'm lightning quick. I have razor-sharp reflexes. And I'm a master of stealth. [whispers] Plus, I'll keep the cat in check.

[Mittens rolls her eyes]

Bolt:[leans in close to Rhino's ball] The road'll be rough.

Rhino: I have a ball.

Bolt: There's no turning back.

Rhino: Guess I'll have to roll with the punches! [rolls ball]

Bolt: Easy won't be part of the equation.

Rhino: Promise?

Bolt: I gotta warn ya, going into the belly of the beast - danger at every turn.

Rhino: I eat danger for breakfast!

Bolt: You hungry?!

Rhino: [cracks neck and bares teeth] STARVING!

Bolt: Welcome aboard!

[Rhino laughs wildly]

Mittens: Hey, can we talk for a second? I don't know what's going on here but I'm just a little bit concerned about the number of lunatics on this trip. My limit is one.

Bolt: He's coming with us.

Mittens: But I... huh... Hey! [Rhino is hitting Mittens with his ball]

Rhino: Move it, prisoner. We're losing daylight!

Bolt: I agree. Now we need to find a fast set of wheels.

Rhino:[gasps] I have a better idea. Follow me!

[after jumping off train, Mittens ends up on the tree, Bolt and Rhino are on the ground]

Mittens: The real world hurts, doesn't it?! But you wouldn't know about that, would you?!

Bolt: Get down here cat, we don't have time for this!

Rhino: I'll get a ladder [walks away]

Mittens: Look genius, you're part of a TV show. You know what that is - television? It's entertainment for people. IT'S FAKE! Nothing you think is real is real!

Bolt: That's preposterous!

Mittens: Think about it, Bolt. Since you got lost, none of your powers are working, aren't they? For the first time, you're hungry, you're bleeding... I mean, do you really think that you were born with a birthmark in the EXACT shape of a lighting bolt?!