Two management students were walking across campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"

The second student replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."

The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

A scooter mechanic to a doctor" i change the oil just like you change the blood ,i change the the parts of engine just like you do surgery , after the accident i work on dent just like you plaster the fractured part of the body then why are you paid a lot more than me and the doctor replied" have you tried something like this when engine is on"

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doctor 1 - che with very hard work i did operation and i tried my best . but i dint save the patient .
doctor 2 - u stupid . u dint do operation u did postmortem !!

Harper: why have u kept ur umbrella reversely?
Orton: There is no water at my home. So i am collecting water!!!!!

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Imran: xam is knocking at the door. How is ur study?
Shahid: i m very tensd abt the xam. So i cant study well. When the xam wil b finishd i wil b tensn free. Then i wil study well with a free & fresh mind:):):):)

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a man sat on the middle of a road & was seeing the sky. A stranger told him to leave the place as any kind of accident might be occured by a car. The man replied that a few minutes ago a plane flew away but nothing happened. So what about a car!!!!!!

Special coaching center: To get chance in a renowned university you must admit into our special coaching center as soon as possible. Because our number of seats is limited.
Student: will i have to admit into another coaching to get chance into your special coaching center?
Special coaching center: ????

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A five year
Old girl went to a pharmacy &
asked the pharmacist ...
This is the only money i have,
can i buy Miracles???
The pharmacist confused with
what the girl asked and said ... Why do you need miracles for???
The girl replied ...
Because the dOctOr said that only
miracles can save my mOm ..... :'( :'(

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Teacher: listen students, within 30 minute headmaster will come to visit this exam hall. So be careful.
A student: why is it necessary to be careful? We are not following unfair way!!!
Teacher: i want to tell you that if you want to follow unfair way complete it as soon as possible before reaching headmaster. Understand?
Student: ???!!!

Teacher: suppose you have got 1 lac dollar in a lottery. Now write an essay on this topic.
Digital Student: take my paper.
Teacher: what happened? Why is your paper empty??
Digital Student: what do you think about me, Sir? if i get 1 lac dollar in a lottery will i write an essay here??? I will leave school & will lead a gorgeous life. . . . . . .
Teacher: ???!!!

A teacher and his wife were sitting at the dinner table when the wife asked, "Anything new at work?"

"No," he replied. "I teach history, remember?"

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A boy wanted to know
the age of his girlfriend,,,,
So he asked..... Darling What is your Birth date?????
Girl: 15th August
Boy: Which year?????
Girl: Sweet heart Every Year.... :p :)

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One day, Love and Friendship met ..
Love asked,"Why do you exist
when I already exist"??
Friendship smiled and said, "To put a smile where you leave tears".

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Facebook keeps suggesting us "The people u may know"
But when we try to add them.. It again says "Do u know them
personally?".. ohh what the hell !

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Teacher: "Look the mathematics is simple I have 5 bottles in one hand and 6 bottles in the other. What do I have?"

student: A Drinking problem?

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1st man: I am getting married because I am tired of eating outside, cleaning the house & doing laundry.

2nd man: Strange!!, i am divorcing for the same reasons!:P

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Wife: I am going 2 LONDON. What gift do u want?

Husband: One British girl.

Wife returns to India.

Husband: Where is my gift?

Wife: Wait for 9 months

haha

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I said to my wife, "I'm thinking about paying for a face transplant."

She said, "Don't be silly, there's nothing wrong with your face."

I said, "I was talking about your face."

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A farmer decides to play a prank on easter sunday. He goes into the chicken coop and replaces every white egg with a brightly coloured one. . . He stealthily walks out. . . A moment later, the rooster walks in, takes one look at the eggs and goes out and beats up the peacock. . .

An elderly man in Phoenix calls his son in New York and says I hate to ruin ur day, but I have to tell u that ur mother and I are divorcing, 54 years of misery is enough.”

Pop what are you talking about? the son screams

We can’t stand the sight of each other any longer the old man says

We’re sick of each other, I’m sick of talking about this, so u call ur sister in Chicago and tell her and he hangs up.
‎, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. “Like heck they’re getting divorced,” she shouts, “I’ll take care of this.” She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at the old man, “You are NOT getting divorced. Don’t do a single thing until I get there. I’m calling my brother back, and we’ll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don’t do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?” and hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. “Okay,” he says, “They’re coming for Thanksgiving and paying their own fares Now what do we tell them for Christmas?

She heard enough, and was hurt. She walked away, tears ran down her face.

The boy grabbed her arm.

Boy : Your not pretty, your beautiful.
I don't want to be with you forever, I NEED to be with you forever.
And I wouldn't cry if you walked away, I would DIE.

(Boy whispers) : Please? Stay with me.

(Girl whispers) : I will:):)

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News: Children are so happy when they heard about any kind of invitation. But in some invitation they are not allowed:(:(
Guest: what is the problem if the children come?
Host: sorry, non voter are not allowed. . . . .

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Q. Happiness is necessary. Because everybody wants to get happiness. Why not sadness??
A. Sadness is also necessary. Because everybody wants to give sadness:p:p:p

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Teacher: What is the easy way to be millionaire??
Digital Student: To marry a millionaire. . . . . . .

Meghna: u r becomin donkey day by day.
Jamuna: i know this. Because in the past i failed to understand your language but now a days i can understand lightly:p:p:p

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8 years old kid was
taking bath in bathtub with his 6
year old girlfriend. Suddenly
Girlfriend ask the kid slowly: Hey
can i touch your rod? Kid replied
"No Way You broke Yours, Now
You Wanna Break Mine"
hahahahaha!!! [L.I.K.E]

Girl: I'm
having a heart surgery..
Boy: i know..
Girl: I love you,.
After the surgery, the girl
woke up
with only his father is on
her
side...
Girl: where is he?
Father: you don't know
who gave
you the heart?
Girl: what?? (the girl starts
crying)
.
.
.
.
Father: i'm just kiddin', he
went to
toilet.

Santa had learn only one essay for
exam on ''friend'' but in exam
the essay which came was ''
father''
Santa replace ''friend'' with
''father'' and it read:
.
.
'I'm am very fatherly person'
.
.
I have lots of fathers.
.
.
.
Some of my fathers are MALE and
some are FEMALES
.
.
.
My true father is my Neighbor..
. :)) ...