Monday, December 12, 2005

Weird funk

Lately, I've been in a really weird funk. Maybe it's nervousness over the anticipation of the new job I'll start in two days. Maybe I really have given up trying to find "Mr. Right". At a party Sunday, I once again met a really nice man (I'd met him a few months ago briefly). He is also really attractive, also really intelligent (Brown, MIT), also a rower. So I did my best to 1.insult him, 2. make stupid comments, 3. just generally was not even nice. How very hideous of me. I really feel embarrassed of my behavior.It is also odd that I have not been exercising, eating too much, putting on a bit of weight. What for? I don't like to be unfit. I don't like my clothes to be uncomfortable - and I just don't like looking or feeling like this. It's like I just don't care about myself personally anymore.