Teen Gives Teacher Pot Brownie & Probably Regrets That Big Time

If you were a high school student, wouldn’t it be the funniest thing in the world to give your teacher a pot brownie? Like, surreptitiously dose her so that she starts acting all weird while teaching class and pretty soon she’s like whoah never mind the textbooks kids let’s just make art out of stuff in the garbage cans and play some hypnotrance music and mess around with iTunes visualizers? Except that is NEVER what happens when you drug someone without their consent. It’s never fun to be the unwitting recipient of a dose of a controlled substance, because that’s not getting high, that’s being POISONED. Which is why a Maryland teenager is rightfully facing several criminal charges after he drugged his high school teacher during class.

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He didn’t drug her in the sense that he jammed a needle in her arm, but basically it sounds like he had a pot brownie in class (dude, really?), and when the teacher asked if she could eat some, he “got scared and panicked” and allowed her to consume it, or at least part of it.

So, this is why you don’t bring your pot brownies to school, kids. Seriously! If you really want to show off your cannabis cooking skills and sit around giggling over how you baked the treat — get it, you baked it? — save that shit for the 7-Eleven parking lot or wherever kids hang around being assholes these days. Back in my day we had an actual SMOKING SECTION in our high school, and that would have been a fine place to parade around a pot brownie.

At the very least, come up with a good reason for why the teacher can’t eat it! No, I’m saving it for my girlfriend; no, I’m eating the whole thing myself right now OM NOM NOM. Whatever, just don’t stand there like a tool while your kind-hearted educator swallows your dry-ass brownie then starts wondering why she’s seeing tracers everywhere she looks.

According to the principal,

One of our teachers was given a brownie by a student and, soon thereafter, began to become disoriented. She was seen by the school nurse and told the nurse about eating the brownie. The nurse immediately summoned me and I sent an administrator to get the student so he could be questioned. The student admitted to giving the teacher the brownie and knowing it contained marijuana.

The student is now facing juvenile counts of administering a dangerous substance, assault, and reckless endangerment. He’s also in trouble for giving his 16-year-old girlfriend part of the brownie, which caused her to become lethargic.

I’m sure parents are flipping out after receiving the email from the school principal, but hopefully the teacher is perfectly fine (lingering headache, kind of hungry) and the kid learned some very very important lessons about how drugs are bad and bringing drugs to school is ESPECIALLY bad. Everyone makes bad decisions when they’re young, but this one was a doozy. You pull yourself together, young man, and try smoking your crappy pot next time instead of dumping it into a box of Duncan Hines.