WHEATON, Ill. — Tim Lindsey knew something was different when he came home to find the house a wreck, his children eating cold Spaghetti-O’s in the closet, worship music cranked to window-rattling levels and his wife Katelyn curled up in her favorite chair reading devotional books and drinking herbal tea.

“What’s with the craziness?” Tim recalls asking.

“It’s a beautiful mess!” Katelyn replied. “Jump in!”

Until recently Katelyn seemed to enjoy raising their two small children, keeping the house tidy and serving simple, healthy dinners. Nowadays she’s more likely to let dirty diapers pile up near the trash can and serve frozen burritos.

“All she talks about is how life is a glorious disaster and God sees incredible beauty in our brokenness,” Tim says. “But after a day at work I don’t exactly feel like ‘embracing the chaos.’”

Tim suspects Katelyn was inspired by a surfeit of mommy blogs and books that take a sledgehammer to the “perfect Christian mom and wife” image. He even purchased one for her last Christmas, not knowing it would lead to this.

“I’ve had friends call me at work to say they saw Katelyn at Costco in her pajamas and slippers, and is our marriage doing okay?” Tim says.

For her part, Katelyn, ensconced in the couch wearing pilled sweat pants, an old VBS shirt and a frayed ponytail, feels liberated from previous expectations.

“There’s sacredness in life’s flawed reality,” she says. “God is just as present in our messes as our successes.”

Tim has asked her to quit visiting mommy blogs that “encourage giving up” for a while and join a women’s Bible study.

He also plans to take her on vacation without the kids — and is bringing their wedding photo album, “just to remind us both how it used to be,” he says. “Maybe we can get back to seeing beauty in actual beauty.” •

SEATTLE — After cramming his calendar with volunteer events for the last six years, Al Simpson finally quit all ministry activity and discovered that “doing nothing for the Lord feels way better than I expected.”

Simpson still enjoys daily time with the Lord and Bible reading. But he now refuses to lift a finger for the gospel and says no to every request to serve.

“Faith without works is an amazing lifestyle,” he says. “A little piece of me comes back to life every time I tell someone, ‘No, thanks. Find someone else.’”

He no longer talks about spiritual things at work unless he absolutely has to. He’s done volunteering at the nursing home and soup kitchen, and won’t even post Bible verses on Facebook like he used to.

He feels no diminishment in his spiritual health. In fact, he claims to feel closer to God than ever.

“It’s like I removed all the clutter — washing toys in the nursery, leading youth camping trips and everything. Hallelujah! It’s gone,” he says. •

ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. — Martin Andersen was searching for a church to join when he came across the website of Experience, a new congregation meeting in town.

“There were lots of pictures of happy people, a calendar full of events, cool web features and audio,” he says. “I was impressed.”

But when Andersen visited Experience on Sunday morning, he was surprised to discover “eighteen people gathered in a public school gymnasium.”

“I was stunned,” he says. “It looked like the entire congregation was three families with a bunch of kids running around.”

Worship was led by a guy who appeared to be new to the guitar, a woman who plugged one ear so she could harmonize, and a pre-teen girl on synthesizer. The pastor, a young man with a goatee, preached his heart out but the overall effect of the place was “small and desperate,” says Andersen. “They kept saying, ‘We hope you come back.’ I was thinking, ‘For what?’”

Experience’s freelance web designer, a 19-year-old college student, says the church asked him to make their site look fresh and exciting.

“I used a bunch of cool features — Flash video and the latest user interfaces,” he says. “I wanted it to be a show piece for other clients.”

He admits using stock photos to make the church look more attractive. “It’s more about sharing the vision of what they want to become,” he says.

Andersen now attends a different congregation whose website is “clunky and dated, but the fellowship is great,” he says. “I think Experience Church has a good future. All they have to do is live up to their website.” •

KIRKLAND, Wash. — In their first months together, Christian college students Jacob Williams and Hannah Smith partnered to sponsor a child from Venezuela.

“It was a beautiful, symbolic gesture of our new relationship,” says Hannah. “We both cried when choosing little Roberto at a Casting Crowns concert.”

Six months later, Jacob and Hannah ended their relationship amicably, but the question of what to do with Roberto has turned bitter.

“To let Roberto disappear from my life would be tragic,” says Hannah. “I have a mother’s heart. A mother never lets a child go.”

Jacob says he feels like a “second father” to the boy and can’t imagine abandoning him.

“What kind of message would it send to just walk away?” he asks. “He might follow that example of irresponsibility when he gets older.”

Hannah suggested she retain custody of Roberto, who is presently 11 and has seven more years in the program. She asked Jacob to continue to pay half of the monthly sponsorship. Jacob was outraged and dubbed the idea “sponsor child alimony.”

Jacob said he would rather pretend they are still dating. Hannah says seven years is too long to keep up that fiction, and it would interfere with future relationships.

“I don’t want to have to tell some other guy, ‘Listen, I really like you, but I’m sponsoring a child with someone else,’” says Hannah. “That would be weird.”

They also disagree over visitation rights. Both Jacob and Hannah intend to travel to Venezuela this summer on separate missions trips to visit Roberto, but Hannah hints she might “drop by” a few months early during spring break just to check in. •

NASHVILLE — Henry Cloud and John Townsend have taught people how to have boundaries in their marriages, friendships and workplaces. Now they are teaching people how to have boundaries with God.

“Our research keeps showing that people feel vulnerable in a relationship with an all-powerful Being,” says Cloud. “Thankfully, God has given us a choice. We can set boundaries in this key relationship and let him know what we are comfortable with.”

A relationship with God presents a “natural power imbalance” because one party is so much more powerful than the other, Cloud says. Boundaries are the biblical solution.

“It was God who said, ‘Draw near to me and I will draw near to you,’” Cloud says. “That’s an invitation to draw the boundaries where we want them. God makes that okay. He respects the limits we put on him based on the gift of our free will.”

One woman who was part of their study said she enjoyed growing closer to God but didn’t want him directing her finances.

“I’m just not ready for that,” she says. “I grew up poor and make a good amount of money now, which gives me a real sense of confidence. I think God respects that, so I put a boundary there.”

The book suggests prayers such as, “God, I give you my family life and occupation, but I’m not ready to relinquish my hobbies and special interests to you. It’s obviously not you, it’s me, so until I develop more trust in you, please respect this boundary and know that I’m working on improving my level of comfort with you in every area of our relationship. Amen.”

Cloud and Townsend invite people to ask God to place boundaries on them in exchange.

“Boundaries are always reciprocal, and for a relationship to be just, God must have the freedom to guard himself as well,” Cloud says. •

NEWHALL, Calif. — When Tim and Eleanor Green heard that their church was offering a special Communion experience for expecting parents, their interest was piqued. A month later they gathered in a room with twelve other pregnant women and their husbands to take what the church dubs “pre-birth” or “fetal” Communion.

“It was one of the most incredible spiritual experiences of my life,” says Tim as Eleanor nods in agreement. “There was such a rush realizing we were taking Communion as a family for the first time.”

Thousands of couples are jumping on a trend they say forges a connection with their unborn children like nothing else. As a result, more churches are offering pre-birth Communion, or PBC, as part of family ministry.

“This goes way beyond childbirth education,” says one family pastor. “This is a spiritual experience unlike most people have known.”

At six o’clock on a Tuesday evening, Rob and Danette Simpson gather with other couples at Family Life Church for a PBC service led by Madeline Crocker, a nurse practitioner and lay minister who is considered a pioneer in this area of ministry. After introductions, Crocker puts on worship music and invites parents to have “your first intentional worship experience with your unborn baby.” As the music plays, some couples lift their hands in praise. Others wipe away tears.

Mothers speak toward their wombs as well. Then, with lights dim and music playing softly in the background, Crocker and an assistant take trays of bread and grape juice around until everyone is served. The mood is reflective yet celebratory. Crocker gives a brief explanation of what Communion symbolizes.

“Let’s eat and drink together,” she says. In unison the couples consume the elements, then “sit in a posture of gratitude before God,” as Crocker directs.

Two minutes later Crocker says, “For most of you, the elements are now reaching your child through your bloodstream, just as God designed us to share life. Let’s celebrate this wonderful Communion together.”

A few mothers and fathers openly weep and lift their hands in worship. Other couples embrace tightly for long periods of time. Ten minutes later, as the experience draws to a close, Crocker calls for group reflection.

“That was probably the most intense moment of my life,” says John Benjamin, 24, who did not attend church regularly until now. “To participate in such a holy event with our daughter is mind-blowing.”

“The baby started moving a lot and kicking a couple minutes after Communion,” says one glowing mother.

“You have a little John the Baptist!” Crocker says. “Affirm that calling in his life and remind him of that pre-birth connection with the Holy Spirit.”

Crocker’s assistant then hands out personalized “Very First Communion” certificates to each couple, including a place to put a photo of the child in utero.

Many churches don’t openly advertise PBC events, but word of mouth drives interest and for many it has become a rite of passage. Couples talk in the foyer about their PBC experiences and arrange to get their children together once they’re born.

“It’s cool to have that secret sisterhood,” says Maria Santos, 28. “We all know what it feels like to be bonded and going in the same direction spiritually even before our kids were born.” •

ARCADIA — Cornerstone Community Church got a call from the city of Arcadia last week. The message: Shut down your conference or the city will sue.

“It was completely out of the blue, but they meant it,” says pastor Rob Jones. “The woman on the phone was almost choking with anger.”

It became clear that someone at the city had heard a radio spot for the church’s upcoming “Turn Your Gaze to Heaven” conference and thought it was a homosexual rehabilitation event.

“We’ve been holding this conference for years to encourage people to pray and worship and set their minds on heavenly things,” says Jones.

He tried to explain that the city was mistaken and that words “gaze” and “gays” are homophones, that is, words that sound alike but have different meanings.

“They said, ‘That’s exactly right — it’s homophobic,’” he says. “I said, ‘Homophone, homophone — not homophobe,’ but it went downhill from there.”

The city’s Diversity and Non-discrimination Commission, even realizing that the conference has nothing to do with sexuality, won’t back down.

“We think this is coded language to communicate their opposition to marriage equality,” says Dan Fischer, the city’s Marriage Equality Advocate. He points to the church’s use of Proverbs 4:25 on one brochure. The verse reads, “Let your eyes look directly forward, and your gaze be straight before you.”

“There’s clearly an agenda here that’s unacceptable,” Fischer says.

For now, Cornerstone’s radio spots are off the air and the church is holding the conference at a private facility because the public school room they usually rent is suddenly “unavailable.”

“I’ll probably change the theme next year to ‘Turn your eyes to heaven’ just to avoid the trouble,” Jones says. •

]]>Church crowd-funds youth pastorhttp://www.larknews.com/archives/5823
Mon, 20 Apr 2015 17:22:05 +0000http://www.larknews.com/?p=5823FRANKLIN, Tenn. — Jason Gallagher, 26, knew youth ministry would be full of ups and downs. But he was surprised to arrive at work Monday to find out that his church had crowd-funded him.

“I didn’t see that coming, I’m not going to lie,” Gallagher says. “I’m trying to stay upbeat about it.”

“Kickstarter presented the best option,” Dillard says, referring to the leading crowd-funding website.

Gallagher now has three months to see how well his Kickstarter campaign performs — and if he retains his job.

If the campaign raises $20,000, Gallagher will move to part-time status with no benefits. At $35,000 he gets medical coverage and a desk in the general work area. For $45,000 he comes on full-time and gets his own office. Anything above that he splits with the church, and he gets to preach to the main congregation twice a year.

LANSING — Templo Calvario, a Hispanic church which meets at First Lutheran Church, has outgrown its white host church and seized control of service times.

“We’re bigger, we’re more excited and we’re taking Sunday mornings,” said Fernando Gonzalez, the newly emboldened Hispanic pastor. “They can have 3 p.m. and see how they like it.”

The Templo crew also claimed the main church office, forcing First Lutheran’s staff into broom closets and back rooms which formerly housed Templo’s offices.

First Lutheran opened their sanctuary to the burgeoning congregation five years ago when a handful of people attended Templo Calvario. The group met Sunday afternoons, but the city’s Hispanic population quadrupled and soon the Hispanic church was thriving while First Lutheran was not.

Maurice Weatherby, First Lutheran’s pastor, appeared caught off guard by the coup. His shrinking, aging congregation won’t have much choice but to give in, he said, standing with his staff on the lawn outside the building. Inside, the Hispanic pastors and their secretaries were having a party and singing “This is the day” in Spanish.

“We let them use our facility, so yes, I’m surprised by this aggressive move,” Weatherby said. “Maybe someday our youth’ll get excited and we’ll grow and take back the best service times. Until then, I guess we’ll follow the afternoon schedule our hermanos in Christ have given us.” •

MANSFIELD, Ohio — Last week Molly Parker posted a stunning photo of a three-tier cake with elaborate icing decorations, along with the caption, “A little something I made for the fam in my free time …”

“It was so typical that I forgot to be annoyed,” says a friend who like others in their church says Molly’s ‘Facebragging’ amounts to a constant wave of self-congratulatory posts about her life. “If you want to learn patience and slowness to anger, do yourself a favor and friend Molly Parker.”

Friends use her posts as a gauge of how spiritual they are feeling that day.

Parker often posts family portraits with captions like “Best Kids EVER!”

Mostly it’s just updates throughout the day:

“Just scored 100% on an online IQ test! How did I do that?!”

“Having your 4-year-old hug your neck and call you the best Mommy in the universe — Priceless.”

“Off to the salon.”

“We call it PerfectWorld,” says a friend from the women’s ministry. “Only Molly lives there. The rest of us get to learn spiritual lessons.”

Last month, Molly’s Facebook friends were treated to the saga of her 7-year-old who was in a Bible quiz competition. Posts read: “Won church! Going to district!” “Won district! Going to regionals!” “Won regionals!!! Going to state!!!” Each photo showed the child wearing a large medal around her neck.

“In person, Molly is really caring. It’s just online that her Facebragging side comes out,” says the nursery coordinator who often works with her. “You want to sit her down and say, ‘Do you know how these are coming across?’”

Even the candid photos Parker takes are otherworldly. A recent post showed her 2-year-old coming down a slide wearing knickers and a vest and with every hair in place. The caption: “Park time with Liam.”

“When I go to the park my kids look like beach bums. Hers look like royal heirs,” says one church mom.

Photos of lunch are likewise perfect — a sandwich cut in triangles, with a curly toothpick and lettuce emerging just so from the sides, colorized with Instagram. The caption: “Enjoying a quick lunch with Brianna.”

“I quote First Corinthians 13 to myself a lot,” says a longtime friend with a sigh. “‘Love is not irritable, keeps no record of wrongs, blah blah blah.’”

Parker often posts about her husband. One photo showed a new set of earrings with the caption, “He loves me so!”

Another post read, “My wonderful hubby got a major promotion! No one deserves it more! Congratulations, honey! You rock the world.”

Then there’s the post that became an instant classic: “My hot husband is also my most cherished friend!”

“We love that one,” says one woman. “When my husband comes home from work I say, ‘Is that my hot husband and most cherished friend?’ He says, ‘That must be my perfect wife.’ It’s entertaining.”

Even Parker’s spiritual posts get under people’s skin.

“Precious time with the Lord today,” she wrote recently. The next day it was, “Blueberry scones, hot cocoa, a warm fire and my favorite devotional = Perfect morning.”

“For a while I thought she was kidding and had a wicked sense of humor,” says one acquaintance. “Then I realized she was playing it straight. She means this stuff.”

One friend started posting downer updates immediately after Molly’s so the two are side by side in people’s feeds. After Molly posted, “Such an amazing time with friends today, I almost can’t bear to go to Hawaii next week!” this friend posted, “My 9-year-old finished a Mickey Mouse puzzle this morning. I am so proud.”

When Molly posted, “Kids don’t get much cuter than this,” the friend posted, “Found glue between my son’s toes today. Looks like it’s been there a while.”

“Molly never mentioned it. She doesn’t seem to read anyone else’s posts,” the friend says. “I have concluded that God gave her a Facebook account to test people’s character.”

People continue to check Molly’s posts out of morbid curiosity.

“It’s an exercise in ‘How is my life inferior today?’” says one. “If it doesn’t kill you, it makes you stronger.”

She recalls checking Facebook during a hard day at work and seeing Molly’s post: “It’s official – Girls’ Day Out! Shopping, movie and gelato!!!”

“I felt like punching the wall,” she said. “I can handle having a less-than-perfect family and a non-gorgeous husband, but to feel like an idiot for working a regular job? It takes the life out of you.”

To release the tension, friends have catalogued their favorite “Molly posts” including:

“Giving away slightly used ball gowns. Anyone?”

“God continues to bless … just because.”

“I just won AGAIN on Words with Friends – someone stop me!”

“To my Mikey-Mike, the most handsome man on the planet, bar nobody.”

“I consider Molly a friend and a God-given thorn in my side,” says one woman. “If friends are supposed to spur you to godliness, then she’s the best friend I’ve ever had.” •