Fact Core: "Steam locomotives generate around 6,000 horsepower, or 6 elephant power. Only steam powered servants should travel at 60 mph, as at these speeds the human brain will explode."

Wheatley: "Now, now I don't want to panic anyone but there might be a slight problem coming up with the track ahead being a little bit not there. ...it's okay, it's okay, I've got a plan!"

Adventure Core: "Well, why don't ya just leave it to me, Sir Richard Barnibus Linconsford the 4th! Why, there was this one time when I was adventuring through darkest Africa, my trusty pistol in one hand and a tiger on the other..."

The APERTURE INSTITUTE OF NATURAL PHILOSOPHY uses the cutting edge principles of SCIENCE and INGENUITY to rid YOU, our dedicated customer, from the shocking indignities of modern living. We are PROUD to present our latest in Steam Powered Servitude Devices!

A small number of our clientele found issue with the superior level of efficiency, intelligence and occasional genocidal tendencies of our previous product, however, the WHEATLEY DUMBWAITER SYSTEM exhibits NONE of the aforementioned traits!

The WHEATLEY DUMBWAITER SYSTEM meets the qualities you enjoy daily in your inferior human servants: mild to generous ineptitude, complete ignorance of safety standards and a Lower Class accent with which to respond despondently to your berating remarks.