Things I have learned from wearing a fedora

There is a fine line between rakish and douchey: the fedora must be worn at an angle to be stylish, but not at a Kayne West angle. Absolute douchiness is to wear a fedora with a vest or t-shirt. I will never do this, and neither should you.

Wearing a fedora with a long coat and a suit, on the other hand, is apparently awesome (see #5 and #6 below).

Most people do not know the difference between a fedora and a trilby. You are frequently required to educate them in public, loudly and with great indignation.

People seem to automatically give you space when you wear a fedora. I am unsure if this is proportionate to the size of the brim.

Both men and women seem inclined to open train doors for you when you wear a fedora, even during the morning rush. I’m yet to fully understand why.

Fedoras bring both the ladies and gentlemen to the yard. My hat apparently has some kind of magic panty-and-boxer elastic loosening ability. This may be related to the train-door opening thing and could also be proportionate to the size of the brim.

People may assume you are a rabbi or a priest. This is less likely if the hat is angled to a suitable degree of rakishness.

If you take it off and mime throwing it at passersby, they will flee in terror. This may be because they’re worried that you’re a Bond villain.

This is basically always true.

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1 Comment

Jane Callard
on August 25, 2015 at 7:19 am

I have been educated!

I do, however, wish to see a picture of you in your rakishly angled fedora.