Thursday, November 19, 2009

FEEL IT!

Feeling better today. Food was not as crazy. I focused on good for me foods and I cleaned house. Those two things really make me feel better. I kicked on the treadclimber this morning. My Ipod broke...grr. I had to bring my laptop from home so I would something to watch while walking. Going out to my daughter's for dinner tonight. Maybe she can figure out what's wrong. I hate calling any customer service place.

I am still hungry. Really hungry. Not really sure if I am hungry for food or something else. I have read a few blogs this morning about self sabotage. I know that's what I did last week, and it's spilling over into this week. That huge drop last week was shocking. I didn't work really hard that week, I was on vacation. So therefore, I decided that it wasn't earned. So I must gain it back to loose it the hard way. Does this sound crazy? Cause if feels like crazy thinking.

I feel fat today. I am still bloated and when I look in the mirror all I see is that damn fat girl staring back at me. So frustrating. Going to take it all in stride, remembering that I will feel better soon. Everything cycles back around. I have really tried to let all that resentment and anger go from the weekend. It's not easy. I have good moments and bad. All in all I think that I am making progress in that area. It really makes me feel uncomfortable to feel that low simmering anger. Best to get rid of it! For sure!

It's so helpful to be able to express all these crazy feelings. The crazy feelings won't kill me, but damn, they are uncomfortable. It's such a new thing to feel, instead feed, the feelings.

Sometimes it's really difficult to not see that fat person we've come to expect when we look in the mirror. My advice? Snap some photos and compare them to some of the pre-loss ones. I think you'll see a huge difference.

Sounds like we are both learning to feel. I know it's good for us and it is life changing to be able to feel and not self medicate. I know that low simmering anger and upset too. For me, it goes back to my favorite two emotions, fear and worry, which has always made me angry. We are conquering our demons though, hang in there my dear friend. *big hug*

I know you aren't feeling it at the moment, but from outside looking in, I think you are doing GREAT! You have turned your life around, your fitness levels are amazing, you've lost so much weight, you have beaten addictions, you work hard, you love even harder. Your are FANbloodyTASTIC, girl.

The self image thing is hard to feel from the inside, isn't it? But your true beauty is really what counts and it positively SHINES out from you.