Microwave cooking for two: A mission to make an edible Valentine’s Day dinner using only a microwave

Microwave Cooking for One is not the name of an upcoming indie rom-com or the title of Miranda July’s next collection of short stories. It’s a real cookbook. It came out in 1986, over 40 years after the accidental invention of the microwave, to address the needs of individuals living in “modern households” (so, unmarried, childless heathens undeserving of a stove-cooked meal). Now, it holds top spots on “saddest cookbooks ever” lists and in the current age of artisanal jams and small-batch pickles, no self-righteous foodie would dare to go near it. Although, with a recipe for something called “hot orange drink,” can you really blame them? But where many saw a pitiful relic of the ’80s, I saw an opportunity. And with Valentine’s Day drawing near, a challenge emerged: would it be possible to whip up an impressive meal using only this humble device? 70 minutes of electromagnetic radiation later, I had my answer.

With all due respect to Microwave Cooking for One, the culinary arts, like Johnny Depp’s film career, have come a long way since 1986. So instead of consulting the book, I turned to the Internet in search of wisdom. Ironically, for every Buzzfeed article making fun of Microwave Cooking for One there’s a how-to on the very same subject. I settled on risotto, a finicky dish that would truly put the idea to the test. And for desert, a decadent, molten chocolate cake with a secret ingredient, Nutella. With a plan in place, it was time to get nuking.

For years I’ve cooked risotto with the assumption that a good one is the product of laborious, feverish stirring. So it was with great pessimism that I placed a bowl of uncooked rice, mushy onions and vegetable stock into the microwave and punched in the cooking time. 20 minutes later, it was ready and the texture was the perfect balance of liquid and sticky. It was the culinary equivalent of learning Santa didn’t exist. Somewhere, Ina Garten’s left eye started twitching.

Next up, dessert. As I watched the simple batter rise up and out of the cup in just 80 seconds, I actually giggled like a kid playing with the easy-bake oven my Soviet upbringing never allowed me to have. While the cake was a bit too spongy to pass for gourmet, fresh raspberries and that dollop of Nutella saved it. It won’t become my signature dish, but it was good enough that the next day while watching Project Runway reruns, I ran down to the kitchen during the commercial break to make it again.

Fair warning: Microwave cooking isn’t well suited to control freaks. Once the door closes and the timer is set, there’s very little to do but helplessly stare at the rotating dish and let the ’wave do the work. But if you’re in search of a new party trick, I promise the recipes below won’t disappoint. As for the leftovers? You know what to do.

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