Mark Townsend, a putative candidate for the U.S. Senate in Alabama, is onto something big. “I am running for U.S. Senator of the Great State of Alabama,” he explains, “because I believe in 1906 NCAA was not created. They evolved from the same system of government created by the Roman and British Empires. I believe these systems of government were evil.”
Furthermore:

I believe we the people of America must choose God over evolvement and open our eyes to both the evil and the good that has evolved or been created by us the citizens of America. I want to make it crystal clear that I believe in creation by Holy God. I believe science proves God. I believe the theory of evolution is a Constitutional right of any citizen in the United States. I believe it is unconstitutional and unscientific to teach evolution in public schools. I will now attempt to open eyes to the fact that NCAA is the reason evolution is taught in public schools and the fact that NCAA is a private corporation owned by Halliburton, who is owned by the Bush family.

Townsend’s keen mind has discerned that:

Genesis is defined as the birth of the way something comes to be. There are two ways something comes to be:

1. By creation of one of superior power.

2. By the process of evolvement.

Townsend never quite clarifies how the NCAA forces evolutionevolvement to be taught, but that’s a small matter. The big issue is?

Why does the power company donate to his opponents:

Food for Thought

Alabama Power Company has given millions of dollars to Jeff Sessions, thousands of dollars to Vivian Figures, and cut of the power of Mark “No NCAA” Townsend.

Besides, the NCAA also created the Federal Reserve, which Ron Paul has shown to be evil, and it keeps marching bands from being shown during televised college football games. Which you would know if the NCAA hadn’t shut off your electricity.

Other things you’d know:

1. History of the days of the Roman Empire, British Empire, and now the American Empire will prove the below facts to be true in order to control people:

First, you take control of sports. Second, you take control of currency “money” banking system. Third, you take control of education “text books”. Fourth, you take control of the military. [Fifth, profit!]

2. The founding fathers of the United States of America were very aware of the above facts. This is why the U.S. Constitution was written.

And so forth. This is truly the perfect conspiracy theory, and I hereby sign up. The NCAA is a secret world government, and anyone who says otherwise is itching for a ?

Let’s let Townsend explain:

Facts in Winston County:

1. If someone treats your mother without respect, you fight.

2. If someone calls you a chicken, you take the challenge or fight.

3. If someone calls you a sissy, then you are one if you don’t fight.

Facts:

Mr. Bishop and I both live in Winston County. He is a republican. I am a democrat. Mr. Bishop can simply admit that he was a quitter and I finished second [in the 2002 gubernatorial primary] or he must meet my challenge.

1. He can hit me 5 times with his fist and I will still pick him up and put him over my head.

2. He can let Jeff Sessions hit me 10 times and I will pick him up and put him over my head 5 times.

3. If I win Mr. Bishop has to stand on top of the Alabama State Capitol with a sign reading, “Sessions Is A Sissy .com”.

This is precisely why I wear “Key” brand overalls (no zipper), a Palm Beach Florida tee shirt, buzz the hair off my head, let my beard grow and grow and get new glasses every ten years or so. I wear Converse hi-tops or Jackass (the TV show) brand sneakers.

Other than these superficial details, I’m a spittin’image of this clown. And so very many others…. It’s darned difficult, venturing out in public, without being mistaken for “one of *those* guys”.

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About TfK

Joshua Rosenau spends his days defending the teaching of evolution at the National Center for Science Education. He is formerly a doctoral candidate at the University of Kansas, in the department of Ecology and Evolutionary Biology. When not battling creationists or modeling species ranges, he writes about developments in progressive politics and the sciences.

The opinions expressed here are his own, do not reflect the official position of NCSE. Indeed, older posts may no longer reflect his own official position.