When I started smoking cigars about six years ago, I
discovered that there was a serious down side to smoking them. Beyond, the
alleged health considerations, I quickly realized that some of the most
interesting and exceptional women were repulsed by it. Yes, much to the cigar
smoking man's chagrin, the most beautiful female face contorts into a most
hideous mask of disgust before delivering the line: "Oooh, you smoke
cigars....Yuk!" Before, the man has even lit the stogie, this majority of
women look as if they've already smelled something rancid--something much worse
than a cigar (if you catch my drift). So, right off the bat, there is a basic
force of nature known as "hormones", working against a man enjoying a
fine cigar, free of guilt and without question or pause.

But never-the-less, most men, being men, continue to smoke
their cigars, because let's face it: "No one's gonna tell us what to
do!" Women who will at least tolerate, or better yet, "not mind"
cigar smoke, are a rare, coveted and precious exception to the feminine
persona.

Enter the Cigar
Woman. She flies in the face of the majority. She's willing to
dive into the breach of her sisterhood's disdain, step forward to flaunt her
individuality and light up her stick (so to speak).

What is so alluring about the Cigar Woman? What makes her so
damn attractive to cigar-smoking men (and even to many men, who don't smoke
cigars)?

First of all, there is a certain strength about a cigar smoking
woman. She is someone who is self-confident, secure and ready to fly in the
face of the criticism of her family and friends. She is prepared to present
herself with a prop, that at the very least will draw attention, if not
conversation. She is armed with a keen, incisive mind that will deal with the
comments, criticisms, stupid questions, cat calls and plethora of come-ons that
she will attract, as she draws on her smoke. She holds her head high--she puffs
deeply--she smiles slyly, knowing that she ultimately has the upper hand. She
doesn't care about breaking a few rules. Guys worth a New York minute of her
time, love these things about her. She stands out. Men like women who aren't
afraid to break rules and take risks. They know that these are women who might
just let them put their feet up on their couches with their shoes on, or stand
shoulder to shoulder with them at 3 AM in front of the refrigerator, drinking
milk right out of the carton. They know these women just might rock their
world!

A modern New York caveman (believe me, you don't want this guy)
that I know said: "I really like women. I just wish they were more like
men" (Prof. Higgins sang about it in MY FAIR LADY). When I looked at him
funny he added: "I don't want them to look like men, just be like
men". As much as I think he's walking through life, gazing into a place
"where the sun don't shine", he has a point. The cigar woman is more
like one of the guys. She can be comfortable wearing jeans and a T-shirt
watching a game on the tube, drinking beer, playing cards, shooting pool and of
course, smoking. Men love that. When this same woman dons an evening gown,
cocks her head back, brushes her hair aside and lights up a Romeo and Juliet
Churchill, that contrast of style is even more appealing. Lurking beneath the
sequined, skin tight, off-the shoulder gown is the "jeaned and
T-shirted" cigar woman, partying at a Blues bar. I've always said that I
like cats that are "more like dogs". In a sense, men are attracted to
women that are "more like men".

Modern man, fights the deeply rooted psychological desire to
find a woman like his mother. Let's face it...our mothers didn't smoke cigars.
At best, they be grudgingly tolerated our Dads smoking cheap stogies (and some
of those really did smell like........well, anyway). What an obvious way for us
to fly in the face of maternal authority, if not maternal similarity.

O.K., we haven't fully covered the topic of
"hormones". Regardless, of how far modern man has come, the basic
caveman issues will always be there. They are often buried deep. They are
primitive. They are archetypal. But they are there. The oral fixation of humans
starts from the moment of birth when the newborn cries for the nipple of
nourishment. For whatever reason the creator had, women seem to get over this
moment better than men. Men, whether weaned earlier or later, seem to continue
on the quest for oral pacification throughout their lives. The image of a woman
holding a long, sleek, cylindrical object in her mouth, prompts even the most
sophisticated men of the world to be reduced to drooling newborns in suits. As
cigar woman puffs away with a smile on her face she proclaims: "I like a
bigger ring size. You get more flavor". Three more men pick their tongues
up off the floor.

If you haven't already realized it, there is a whole new mode
of meeting men that has been born in the 1990's. Cigar parties, single-malt
scotch and cigar tastings, cognac tastings, beer tastings and the like, are
predominantly frequented by men....lots of men. These events do not exclude
women. However, it has been my experience that rarely more than two or three
women are in attendance, and every man in the room is keenly aware of the
presence of those few smart, lucky ones. If you come to one of the tastings or
parties, be prepared to be scrutinized. However, you will also be fawned upon,
flirted with, wined, and if you wish, dined, if not worshipped, by your pick of
men. They will compliment you, show you respect, and perhaps best of
all....offer you cigars. Your only challenge will be to figure out who is
married, and I suspect you've all had some practice at that.

So Cigar Woman, let your
numbers grow like the perfect ash on a Cohiba Esplendido! Let your spirit fly
like the delicate ringlets of smoke from an Opus X Robusto swirling upward
toward the ceiling. Puff sensuously, puff deeply. Then look quickly over your
shoulder and see the look on the face of the man who's been watching you....
he loves you.

Fred Schnitzer is a writer,
producer and voice-over
artist in New York City.