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I’m feeling a bit better today.. so far. So I think I may be able to do some extra stuff today. I was thinking about going for a walk later. I think I just need time to heal from what happened still. It was a kind of traumatizing event for me to lose someone like that so suddenly then have to try and trust them again when they came back. I guess I’m too hard on myself.

Also for the note, I do write these blogs as I go on with my day so if things seem to change rapidly while you read this, that’s why.

Breakfast

My breakfast was simple again. I just scrambled3eggs with a little bit of seasoningsalt and pepper. I also added some dulseflakes as well. I’m trying to stay away from too much oil cause I can tell it makes my insides very sluggish right now because I used to eat a lot of fatty foods. I also had a cup of blueberries, 1/2cup of cherries and 1/2 of a banana with cinnamon on top.

Total calories is 413.

Lunch

Today I tried something different but still using my leftovers. I had salad with dulseflakes. And I also made blackbeanburgers with 2tbsp of ketchup and fried them in 1tbsp of coconutoil. Here is recipe:

1 egg white

1 cup black beans

1/2 cup quinoa/rice mix

Tbsp minced garlic

1/2 tbsp taco seasoning

1/2 tbsp chili powder

Then you just mix all together and fry in a small amount of oil.

Total calories is 570.

DinnerSo I’m coming to the conclusion that I suck at this and that my dinner time is always going to suck haha. It’s just so hard to cook delicious junk for my boyfriend and then not eat it myself. I try and keep my portion down though. Anyways, I made homemadefried chicken in a Thai sweet chili sauce. And I made makeshiftmac and cheesewith elbow macaroni and cheese whiz. For the friedchicken I just used 2cupsbisquick with paprika, chilipowder and garlic powder and I beat 3 eggs. I just dipped the chicken in the flour then the eggs then the flour again and after I just coated it all with Thai sweet chili sauce.

Total calories around 965.. I failed lol.

Exercise

Well I started watching 13 Reasons Why so I just potatoed again haha. I really have to get myself motivated to at least go for a walk.

Mental/Spiritual Health

Today was a better day. Not totally better but better than yesterday. I’m still feeling some pain but I’m trying to receive love more and not just cut everyone off because I feel scared of people leaving me. I tend to do this when I get hurt. Just keepswimming.

I’ve been feeling lots of grief and heartbreak from me and my boyfriend breaking up for a week a week ago. Even though we got back together I still feel the emotions. I’ve been feeling unwanted and unloved still. It was so sudden and I felt like I had lost everything for that week. He has been wanting space and unfortunately for me, I have some codependency issues I need to work on. So of course for a person like me, space means unloved and unwanted. I know I need to start depending on myself but it’s hard when you’ve always depended on others. I know I need self love, but it’s hard when you’ve never loved yourself. These things torment me. Now I have to go to work with these feelings. But what can you do but keep going forward?

Breakfast

Today’s breakfast was nothing special. I had another one of those smoothies I had yesterday but only drank half I also had two end pieces of toast because I ran out of bread with 2 tbsp of peanut butter.

Total calories was 553

Lunch

I drank a bit more of my smoothie cause I ran out of time before work. Apparently I only had orientation today so I got sent home early. Kind of sucks cause now I’m just sitting at home doing nothing. I had leftovers from yesterday. No pictures today because it was the same as yesterday. Not everyday can be exciting lol. Maybe my supper will be better though.

1/2 cup quinoa/rice mix

1/2 cup black beans

3/4 cup green beans

Seasoned with garlic powder, taco seasoning and dulse

Total calories 444

Dinner

Well I failed yet again. Dinner always seems to be the hardest time for me because it’s when I crave the junk food. Didn’t do that bad though because I refrained from eating too much though. I made a homemadebacon alfredo with fuselli pasta. I only had about a cup of it. It might balance out though cause I didn’t finish the rest of my smoothie. Here’s the recipe:

2 cups milk

1 1/2 cups marble cheese

3 tbsp flour

4 tbsp margarine

Garlic powder and black pepper

6 strips bacon

One box of smart fuselli pasta

Total calories is 652

Exercise

Nothing to report here. I ended up not being at my job long like I had hoped.

Mental/Spiritual Health

Today wasn’t a good day for me. My depression got the best of me today. Sometimes this happens though as I am human. I hope tomorrow I can perk up a little bit and maybe actually start doing things. But I’m not here to report me being fake happy so this is my reality right now.