Me: Senator Kerry, thank you for taking the time to talk with me about your campaign.

Kerry: Well, thank you for caring. Did I tell you that I was a Vietnam Veteran?

Me: Yes Mr. Kerry. Can you please tell the American public why you are campaigning so negatively against President Bush?

Kerry: Well, as a Vietnam veteran who fought valiantly from swift boats, I feel threatened when an opponent speaks about things I have yet to bring up. I mean, when did I say my senate record was a viable target? This man was AWOL, how dare he attack my Senate record? And let me remind you, all Bush has brought so far is this smear campaign.

Me: But Mr. Kerry, don't you believe that any negativity George Bush has brought is because he has constantly been unfairly attacked by the democratic party, over and over, on 9/11, on Iraq, on the economy, on being compared to hitler, attacked by Al Gore as betraying his country? Do you condemn these attacks?

Kerry: Well let me tell you something sir, when I was in Vietnam, people committed atrocities. This campaign is much like Vietnam. Bad things happen to bad people.

Me: Well Mr. Kerry, what do you have to say about the controversy surrounding your medals? Can you refute these allegations?

Kerry: I was a Vietnam hero. H E R O. Do you understand what that means? Bush was AWOL when I was being a hero. People like you and The Liar should stop attacking my patriotism.

Me: Ok, well since you cant refute...

Kerry: HEEERRROOOOO. Why arent you understanding that term??

Me: Ok Mr. Kerry, we will move on. Are you going to apologize to the veterans for what you said about them upon your return from Vietnam? Are you going to apologize for your actions as Jane Fonda did?

Kerry: Sir, I dont know why you continue to attack my patriotism. I am a Vietnam hero. I broke laws to meet with communist leaders in an effort to stop the war. That should be regarded as the highest level of patriotism. Did my actions extend the war? Yes. Did my actions lead to more american casualties? Yes. Did my actions lead to the continued torture of American POW's? Yes. Did my actions lead to the end of the war, and the end of the war lead to 2.5 million civilian deaths from the communist invasion? Yes. BUT I WAS THERE DAMNIT, AT LEAST I WAS THERE!

Me: Mr. Kerry, would you like to express to the American people what your plans are for the 4 years of your presidency should you be elected?

Kerry: Yes, thank you. As I said, being a Vietnam Veteran and a war hero, I am more able to lead this country in the next 4 years. I have told the American public time and time again that I will raise taxes on the rich, so they can take the burden off of the middle class. Are these people the job providers of our country? Yes. But my socialist beliefs lead me to believe that there should not be a rich class, just as people should not live in poverty. I believe success should be taken away from one person, and distributed to the rest until all men remain created equal! I think that is a very noble cause.

Me: Mr. Kerry, that doesn't sound very democratic....

Kerry: Son, I am a war hero, DO NOT tell me I am undemocratic. Socialist? Yes. Undemocratic. Most certainly not!

Me: Well Mr. Kerry I really don't understand...

Kerry: You wouldnt understand! What were doing during Vietnam? I was on swift boats when you were in diapers. How dare you get a draft deferment just because you were 9 years old.

Me: Senator, I don't believe that is very fair. Now, lets just get off that subject. Can you please tell me what your position on Iraq is?

Kerry: Time and time again I have told the American people what my position on Iraq is. I dont know why it is so hard to understand. I will say it again, and this will be the last time. I voted for the 87 billion dollars, before I voted against it. I don't think I can be any more clear than that.

Me: Mr. Kerry, what about the weapons systems that you have strictly voted against for the past 20 years of your senate career?

Kerry: Son, you are talking to someone who knows the military. I served in Vietnam. The American soldier is the most valiant and powerful person on the battlefield, even though they are all war criminals. American soldiers can push through anything, get anything accomplished, and make great things happen in bad places! Do soldiers like this NEED the best weapons systems, supplies, and equipment available? Most certainly not. My vision for the American military is to create a specialized group of soldires called "McGyvers", who create weapons from the lint in their pockets, MRE's from the soldiers they kill, and strongholds from the dirt under their feet. Under my command, I believe we can get it done.

Me: Mr. Kerry, I think thats totally...

Kerry: Are you questioning my ability to lead this country? You know nothing of battle. Neither does AWOL George.

Me: But Senator, he has led two wars...

Kerry: Yes, and I shall have you know that I voted against that war. I mean, I voted for the war, but I didnt fund it. It shouldnt have happened. He didnt ask permission from all the U.N. countries who have open weapons contracts with our enemy. He didnt build a strong coalition.

Me: But Mr. Kerry, isnt it true that even when George Bush Sr. formed a very strong and organized coalition for Desert Storm, you voted against that as well?

Kerry: George Bush Sr. wanted to go at it all wrong. He wanted to fund the troops, and thats not what I'm about.

Me: Mr. Kerry, didnt you say that if we don't believe Saddam is a threat with nuclear weapons that we shouldn't vote for you?

Kerry: Do you think I'm campaigning so people won't vote for me? I obviously want people to vote for me, I'm a Vietnam veteran. I don't really worry about what I have said in the past, its what I say now during my campaign speeches that count.

Kerry: I lived Vietnam, I'm a Vietnam veteran. For them to call me and my medals lies is unpatriotic I want to look to the future, not the past.

Me: But Mr. Kerry, you have made the past the focal point of your career. You have two to three medals which are claimed to be false by over 250 other veterans. Why have you failed to respond to that?

Kerry: Those veterans are liars.

Me: But Mr. Kerry, you just said that if they called you a liar, they are unpatriotic, how can you make unsubstantiated claims that they are liars and not...

Kerry: They are war criminals, they have no right to speak about my medals.

Me: But Senator, didnt you say the words under testimony "I commited the same atrocities?"

Kerry: The point is, attacking my service record is unpatriotic.

Me: Okay, it seems we arent getting anywhere here. Let me ask you one more question. What is your stance on healthcare?

Kerry: Socialized healthcare works. When the government controls the people';s healthcare, they control their vote. I believe that once I control medicine in the United States, I will control the following election. Medicine and Ketchup cannot be beat.

Me: Mr. Kerry, I dont believe that you can provide evidence that socialized medicine works.

Kerry: Canada, o canada.

Me; Mr. Kerry, they have 30 million people. The United States has 290 million people. Do you see a difference there?

Kerry: Yes, there is a difference of 260 million. But there is no difference.

Me: But...

Kerry: Socailized medicine is the answer because as a Vietnam Veteran, I say its the answer. Questioning my reasoning would be questioning my patriotism.

Me: Senator, don't you understand that none of our doctors would be willing to go to Canada to perform medicine? No new medical discoveries come out of canada because of their socialized medicine? There is no competition with socialism, don't you believe it is competition that breeds success?

Kerry: Sir, Americans don't go to Canada to practice medicine because we have not properly formed a U.N. coalition with canadians. I would support this action, my opponent would not.

Me: Well of course Mr. Bush wouldnt support...

Kerry: Mr. Bush is clearly wrong on this issue.

Me: Well how do you...

Kerry: I have two words for you sir, Purple Heart. How many do you have?

Me: Well...

Kerry: Exactly, when you get one, you can come find me and then you can give me your opinions on the issues.

Me: Ok fine, lets bring this to a conclusion. If I gave you one opportunity to make a statement to President Bush, what would you tell him?

Kerry: I would tell him that his links to SBVFT don't stand a chance to my links to Moveon.org. I would tell him that yes, communism has killed over 100 million people, but his failure to give it another chance will be his downfall.

Me: Okay, that was the last words from Senator Kerry, thank you.

Kerry: Vote for Kerry, Vietnam war hero, 2004......lets take our country back!!!

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