January 14, 2005

My FiRst PoST

It is my new goal to create the least-viewed most opinionated and unreadable blog this University has ever seen. What is more I will update it at infuriating (in)frequency to discourage potential subscribers and chase away comments.

If you know a worse blog than this, please leave a comment on the page and I will endeavour to lower my standards.

Okay, here goes with…

OPINION 1: The world is full of morons

Okay, an obvious start, but I don't want to begin on a tricky one.
It can't just be me. Is everyone incapable of driving? Do women need more than 3 pairs of shoes? Why do I need to look like the guy on TV? Moreover, when the TV says jump why do people get out on the balcony and fling themselves off? It seems there's an inexhaustable list of questions I can ask about the world which can be answered with worrying simplicity… the world is full of morons.

Don't agree with me, though, until you've looked in the mirror and you can honestly dismiss any moronic behaviour. Do you get drunk to enjoy your friends' company? Do you think that anyone over 30 is too old to be cool? Look down for brand name clothing on your chest, or a cigarette in your hands. Can you defend those styling products on your shelf? Maybe there's a quiver of guilt when you let slip what degree you're taking… Sociolo-what? Worst of all, have you written a blog all about stuff you hate for people you don't know?

I think an inherant problem with morons is their complete obliviousness to their moron status. It's not limited to dislogical arguments, moronic habits, posers, yobbish kids, media-slaves, goth politics and George Bush. Far from it. Intellectual types, nerds, geeks and outcasts are just as prunable as far as I'm concerned. Not a nerd on the planet that I have met will leave you alone if you make a mistake:

Neutral Guy: "Well I'm not too bothered which I buy. Doesn't make much difference to me…"

Nerd: "Oh, oh it does. Oh yes, let me tell you why you're wrong."

As if to say "What are you, some kind of idiot?". Individuals are just as bad. Anyone who wears an "individualistic uniform" (usually involving a whole lot of black clothes or an unusual hair colour) without spotting the hypocricy has to have some kind of moronic tendancies. The list is just far too large to tackle. So I have invented….

The Logically Oriented and Philsophical Utopia Life Licence. This is a card you are issued with at birth with 100 points branded (electronically of course) into a chip, or on a database. Every time you smash up a car, draw graffiti on public property, drag race on an estate, sell illegal drugs, or anything that can be construed as moronic, you lose some points. When the total reaches 0, you are dragged from your home by a new, specially trained armed unit… and you are shot through the head and left to bleed on your lawn.