Global Domination

Wednesday, June 27

Start With A Lie?

I'm curious. How do people ever meet? Let's imagine the scenario. You see a pretty girl across a crowded room (a bit of South Pacific in that last phrase there) and you think "Wow! She's beautiful". Then, I don't know, maybe you find out that she's into really cool stuff, like musicals or something - hell, maybe she can sing along with the entirety of Les Miserables (a definite high score on the scale of "wow"). So, now there's this amazing girl and you want to meet her properly. But how do you do it?

I guess if you have mutual friends then, at some point, your paths will cross... but relationships that only spark within extended circles of friends are a bit in-group-ey, and what if you don't really have that sort of a network of friends? What if, like, me, you're more of a friend to individuals, rather than groups.

I know it happens. I know that complete strangers somehow manage to hook up. I've been a complete stranger to my previous long-term relationship partners, so I know it's possible. It's just how to make it possible if, for some reason, it hasn't just worked itself into existence by fluke. Can it be possible to contrive the chance to get to know the person in question? Is that how life works? I think, in some cases, it can. Here are a few possible approaches:

Find out where the person hangs out/is going to be/lives - and coincidentally be there - that's a bit stalkey, though

Befriend one of their friends to get to them - still quite stalkey

Wait until you naturally happen to run into the person and start a conversation with them - on what?

Wait until you naturally... yada yada... and use "a line" on them - sounds cheesy, though it can work

Send them some sort of communication saying, basically, "You seem like the sort of person I'd like to know better. I hope it's not embarrassing or unwelcome to suggest that I'd like to arrange that." - don't put it like that... or expect a yes

Wait until you natur.... and so on... and say the above to their startled face - don't expect not to hear their rape alarm

So. In summary, it's stalk, tell them the truth, or spin them a line. All of these seem to have obvious downsides. I've spoken to women about dating before (in the sense of discussed it with workmates, rather than tried it on) and one was very adamant that the man, once there's been some eye contact, should come along and deliver "the line". Now, I'm not a "the line" sort of a person. I see straight through lines, even as they're spilling out of my mouth - not that they would. So, without the conviction, it just comes across as somewhat ludicrous (which it never has because I've never done it). The point is that "the line" is either going to be something cocky and unlike the sort of thing I'd want to be heard saying, or it's going to be a sort of diversion to find a way into the conversation - a lie, if you like. "Oh, what a coincidence running into you." or "I would have left you a tip, oh waitress, but I was out of cash - let me make it up to you with drinks." Thing is, I've seen at least one of these result in the acquisition of the number of the poor chump it was used on.

I'll happily talk to strangers. I'll talk naturally with anyone... unless I really fancy them, in which case up come the defences, since the last thing I want to experience is rejection. Ironically...

I think I put it down to an awkwardness which set in in my early teenage years and lasted about 20 years (so far).

This means that I'm unlikely to be able to talk to a woman I find incredibly attractive and this is intensified by finding out more things that make her attractive. It's worsened by my desire to do so and worsened still by the irregularity of encountering this person, which creates a secondary desire to contrive a chance to meet them and fail to speak to them another time (the failure isn't part of the desire). If I find out that they're truly lovely in every respect on top of it, it further elevates them to a saintly status that can only be adored from afar in hushed voice...

...which is a shame, since I can, actually, enjoy conversations with total strangers and, sometimes, even discover that those encounters lead to genuine friendships. So I should snap out of this bizarre introspection and either do something or do nothing. I'll say this - the white-lie deception method isn't me. The idea that you start a relationship with a woman with lies, seems like a bad precedent. In the end, I suppose that the brownian motion of life will bring you into contact with whom you're supposed to be in contact with. I hate contrivance and I'm not really a stalker... though if I could just find a way to...

"I can't even dance the merengue"

Oh - and please feel free to email advice or your phone number to ashley@incredible.org.uk - that'll save time. Entries will be judged and the bonus question is "What is Jean Valjean's prisoner number?".