Wednesday, February 18, 2015

My Lenten Journey

I haven't blogged in awhile. This means that while I may have some great thoughts and such I haven't truly dwelled on them or lived them out because I haven't professed them out loud, publicly.

So here I am trying to become accountable this Lenten season.

Everyone talks about "giving something up." I typically don't. And when I found this list of 40 things, I accepted the challenge.

I decided I would blog about how each one affected my life and see how it is addressed in the Bible.

So here goes....(remember the 40 days does NOT include the Sundays. Those are days of rest.).

1. Fear of failure

My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. (Psalm 73:26

At first, I thought- "oh, this one doesn't apply to me." I'm mean, I don't have a job any more where I am held responsible for performance. I'm not in school trying to keep my grades up.

I seem to have it pretty easy.

Then how quickly Satan snuck in.

But I have prayed for you Simon (Peter), that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers. Luke 12:32.

My faith. Yes, I sometimes I have fear of failing there, for sure. "Did I say the right thing to that friend to reflect an attribute of God?" "I can't believe I didn't stand up for Jesus and say something defending Him in that situation." There are even some (quickly fleeting, I might add) thoughts sometimes of "is this all true?"

I was reminded of my children.

How many times have I thought, "I'm such a BAD mom." "What if I am saying the wrong thing, punishing the wrong way, letting something slide...." You name it, I have thought it. Failure as a parent. It's a REAL thing.

I was reminded of my husband.

How many times have I thought, "Why does he love me?" "Do I do enough for him or do I grumble or complain too much and that's what he hears when he comes home?" "I don't think I say 'I love you' enough." Again, you name it. It's been in my head.

Then there is the outside worldly failure. This is the pressure to get it all done. Plan that big Spring Fling at the kids' school. Organize my sorority reunion. Get my BSF lesson done. Arriving to after school activities on time. I could go on and on.

Fear of failure is in my head and probably yours and it comes for every which where!

These thoughts are not my thoughts or yours, they are Satan's. Today I give it back to him, forever.

But, the fact remains sometimes we DO fail. But, we don’t succeed without experiencing some failure. Look at babies learning to walk. The good news is that God's loving kindness and mercy is still there for us, just like it was for Simon Peter when he failed.

Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. Lamentations 3:22

So, today I'm letting go and letting God. I will work like is it all me, but I will trust that it's all Him. No need to fear failure. It's ok-fail/fall forward.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will direct your path. Proverbs 3:5