I'm still waiting for the official grades to post. I'm confident in the grades I received, but am too much of a pansy-ass Karma fearer to put them up here before they're official.

In the meantime, I thought I could tell you ten random things from my first Finals Week.

1. Booger cannot decide what she wants to be when she grows up. She thinks maybe either a veterinarian or a vegetarian. She's not sure.

2. 8 people didn't show up for the Psych final. Didn't even show up. The final was worth 200 points and 40% of our grade. And open-book. How can you have so few points that 200 doesn't even get you a D?

3. I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up.

4. I retained much more information throughout the semester than I thought I would.

7. My Psych professor encouraged me to pursue even higher education and reminded me that it is possible if I want it badly enough.

8. My buddy arrived safe and sound in the Philippines. I'd be much more sad if he didn't have internet access. The internet makes it possible for us to chat daily and that certainly takes the edge off. It's not the same, but it sure does help.

9. I quit Large Retail Store. I worked some temp stuff last week, I had an interview yesterday, and a couple other prospects out there. I have faith that the Universe wants me to succeed, therefore will help me to do so. This may not occur in a way that I expect, but it will occur. I am sure of it.

10. I'm actually sad that classes are over. Learning these new things rekindled a confidence I forgot I had.

well, not so much cramming as reviewing. First final is in 8.5 hours. Next one is about 4 hours after that, then my last one is Sunday evening. I'm looking forward to completing this semester. It was a big step towards the rest of my life.

I'll be back in a couple days once I can think of something other than finals.....I miss you guys!

The morning news anchor for the station R works at ran the marathon last week! She rocked it and qualified for the Boston Marathon. She is a really sweet girl and I am very appreciative of her taking the time to share our story. I understand this takes away my anonymity, but I think it's worth it to share this.

I was looking through the entries for The Journey and realized I stopped way before I thought I did. I have many entries I thought I posted. Whoops. They are here somewhere, so I'll be posting them soon....I have stories about the hospital, our room, the linen cart, the cafeteria and much more. Stay tuned. :-)

I have my last class before finals tonight. I can't believe this semester is over! I succeed in ways I simply didn't realize I could. I am going into finals with potential A's in both classes, though I'm much too close to a B in Anatomy & Physiology than I'd like approaching the final. Good Karmic thoughts, please.

I just finished my last Psych paper and it's a reflection of last week's race. I'm still tweaking it, but wanted to post something before I left. I have to go to my parents house to shower because the hot water tank is broken. I'm a wimp and can't do a cold shower. Anyway, here's the paper...they are short by rule, not by my choice.

My mother used to tell me that I wasn’t happy unless I had something to worry about.I worry about things I can control and many things that I can’t.Often times the worry generated with things I can not control causes more anxiety than worrying about things I can.It’s a slippery slope of stress and anxiety and often ends up with me a nervous wreck over something I simply can not do anything about.

This past weekend I worried my way through one of the most stressful and anxiety producing events of my life.It was the culmination of months of worrying.My husband, barely nine months after undergoing open heart surgery, teamed up with a friend to run a marathon.Each of them would run half of it, 13.1 miles.He had trained for this race for months and all along, I have worried.I worried about the weather, worried about the distance, worried about his heart, worried about awful things like funerals and living as a widow.I worried about everything and anything associated with the race.The doctors told him he could do it, but because I didn’t feel like he should do it, I was completely overwhelmed with anxiety in a way I have rarely been.This race was more stressful for me than watching him recover from surgery.The only thing I’ve ever experienced that was more stressful was waiting during surgery itself.After surgery there were things I could do, things to keep me busy, things to make me feel like I was helping.Worrying about this race was futile, I knew he was going to run it whether I wanted him to or not, but I could not stop worrying.

On race day I experienced many of the physiological symptoms associated with stress and anxiety:muscle tension, headache, heart pounding.The feeling of panic associated with my inability to control anything related to this race was overwhelming. Once he started his half of the race, I was at such a heightened state that I could barely breathe.Then, he rounded the corner and we saw each other.He was running at a comfortable pace and had this huge smile on his face, he was actually enjoying himself!He told me he felt good and promised to take it easy the rest of the way.This race was not about how long it took, but just crossing the finish line.My friend, my daughter, and I drove up every few miles and stopped to wait for him and cheer like crazy.Every single time we saw him, he looked better, in spite of the 27 degree weather, rain/sleet/snow mix, and 25 mph winds.Consequently, I felt less and less anxious.At the finish line, our smiles could have lit up the city.

Stress, anxiety, and worrying have been a part of my life for a very long time.I know that my worrying about this race did nothing to help R, in fact, it likely hindered him as he had to worry about my worrying.I suppose that being aware of that is at least a good place to start trying to worry less.

I think I figured out one of my problems. (Yes, just one. There are many.) This particular problem involves my lack of blogging. I used to simply write off the cuff and about whatever tickled my fancy at the time. When it's been several days since I've posted, I am less likely to simply post a quick rant about something and feel pressure to make the post good enough to post. Stupid, I know.....but still, I think that's what's been going on with me. I miss writing. I still compose entries in my head when something funny happens or something strikes a chord. I'm going to go back to my run and gun style. At least I'm going to try. Here are a few random things I've been meaning to jot down.

Every time I enter our house, I notice the flour remnants wet and mushy on the side of the porch. This is leftover from when I cut Wonderdog's nails too short last week. (The flour helps stop the bleeding.) Anyway, I notice it every single time I walk in the house. Then, something strange happens. I put my stuff down and immediately forget about it....until the next time I walk in the house and see it.

I drive a 10 year old car with 173,000 miles on it. It's in great shape, but it is still 10 years old. I carry full insurance coverage on it and it's EXPENSIVE. Insurers don't like you to carry full coverage on old cars because should you wreck the car, any amount of damage is likely to exceed the value of the car. I've been considering dropping the full coverage but I'm afraid of the Karmic Retribution. I mean seriously, we all know the minute I drop collision coverage I'm going to hit something. So, is the money savings worth it? You tell me.

I have some moles I need to have looked at. I'm moley and it's getting worse. The one problem is last time they took 3 off (all came back normal and safe and fine) and the scars are worse than the moles ever were. I'm moley and I scar horribly. I guess I should at least get in there to see what they think. Moles = sexy. Just saying.

I won my NCAA college basketball pool this year!

R, Booger and I went to the dentist this week. I'm pretty sure the hygenist pried out one of my fillings with her ice pick/tooth pick/tooth scraper/poker thing. It was a tiny little filling I received years ago on the inside between my 2 lower front teeth. The hell? Now I'm going to have to have it redone. Perfect.

Since my last ten things list was a downer, I will try to make this one a bit more full of sunshine. Here are ten things making me happy this week.

1. I received a 17 out of 15 on my Psych quiz.

2. Booger's grade card. She doesn't receive letter grades, but has shown steady improvement in things like working independently and time management. Time management is something we've been working on at home. Giving her a set amount of time to complete a task or a set amount of TV time. When she knows the ending time, there is often much less complaining. It's also helping us work on telling time on an analog clock.

3. Ally the Wonderdog has been extra snuggly this week. She usually sleeps at my feet on the bed, but last night she snuggled right up next to me.

4. The sun is out.

5. I was able to catch a HS track meet and watch my niece run several races during the meet. It was great to see her excelling at something she really enjoys.

6. 2 of my best friends are coming to visit Chez Snob this weekend!

7. They are coming because one of them is running Sunday with R.

8. The marathon is this weekend. R and our buddy D are teaming up, each running half. This is a nice compromise as I am still in a bit of a panic about the race....but it's a good distance to see how well he does. He has been training regularly and his weekly EKG hookups at Cardiac Rehab look good. All of the doctors we know and have seen gave him the green light.

9. My Psych professor has a sense of humor and I'm enjoying the unwritten/unspoken challenge about my last paper. We have 5 one to two page papers due during the semester. Twenty available points and I've received 19/20 on the first 4. I'm writing my final one this week and am gunning for the 20.

10. I'm working on a going away gift for my friend who's leaving for Med School. I'm considering a short story or some sort of listy thing about my favorite memories of our friendship. Any other suggestions?

....Wednesday. Damnit, I missed Tuesday again. My apologies. These past few days or so have been a bit more nutsy than usual. I know that for sure because I'm on day 5, or is it 6, of an eye twitch. It's in my right eye and it's not twitching all the time, just enough to remind me that I should probably try to calm the hell down. In an attempt to do just that, I'll list 10 of the things that are bothering me. Perhaps writing them will either A) Help me realize they're stupid and I shouldn't worry about them or B) Stop dilly dallying and just do it already.

1. One of my closest friends is leaving this month to attend Medical School. In the Philippines. Which, for those of you who may not know, is really fucking far away. I'm happy that they are taking the step to fulfill their dream, but so incredibly sad.

2. The great major switch. When I decided to go back to college, my plan was simply to pick a health/science major, get an Associate's Degree and start working. I would finish up a Bachelor's degree once I nailed a stable job. It appears that I'm not the only one doing this, so the waiting lists at Small Community College put me at not even starting the program(s) until Fall of 2010. Yeah, that's just not going to work for me. So, I'm considering loading up on all the necessary pre-requisites at Small (read: cheap) Community College then transferring to Bigger (expensive) Local College. I'm in the process of gathering information on if there's a waiting list, how long, how much, how how how.....

3. The major I think I'm deciding on is nursing. With my insurance background, and the nursing career model in general - there are many different jobs you can do with that degree. Treat patients, work for a surgeon or doctor, insurance, admin, etc.

4. I wish I felt compelled to one specific major. One career path. I just don't. I lived and breathed my old job at Large Corporation. I felt like that job defined who I was as a person. I was so wrong. I'm just me. And I'm great at it. I don't need a career to do that for me and promised myself I never will allow a career to do take over my life again. I'm much happier now that I readjusted my focus. That said, it makes deciding on a career a bit more difficult, you know? It's like....there are 10,000 different things I could do. I could do anything. And that's just too many choices.

5. My house needs cleaned. I'm going to work on that today since I don't work until 4:30.

6. Finals are in less than a month and I'm already a wreck. I don't know why. I'm still doing well in all my classes. A's so far. I think I'm just scared that I will have worked so hard and blow it at the end. My goal is to have myself numerically in a place where I have a little wiggle room when it comes to the final. I'm more nervous about the Psych final than my 2 Anatomy & Physiology finals because it's worth more. My A&P finals are worth 100 points combined, but my Psych final is worth 200.....40% of my total grade.

7. My free trial period of MS Office expired on my laptop. The University Bookstore has the student version for much cheaper than other stores. I'll likely head over there tomorrow to get it. I tried to apply for a job online today and can't cut and paste my resume any longer since Office Expired. Seriously, Bill Gates, sometimes I think you're an asshole. Like I didn't pay enough for my laptop.

8. I have about 500 pictures in my camera. I'd like to upload them to the external hard drive and put a few on Flickr.

9. I was trimming the Wonderdog's nails the other day and she flinched and I cut one way way way too short. Poor thing bled for the whole night. I felt horrible. Still do as she's still favoring it.

10. The sun is out. I'm going to open all the blinds and hope for some good energy.