Everything is broke

I broke my foot! And here is a really hilarious A Current Affair style photo to make you just die of laughter. I cannot look at this photo without pissing myself laughing because it just screeeaaammmmssss “hard done by angry tenant breaks foot in real estate bungle” or something. Did you know I have a guilty habit of watching ACA nightly just because I like to think there are just as unlucky and unfortunate people as well. Also to laugh at the reporting. HILARIOUS. Just as hilarious as me breaking my foot.

So yeh, I broke my foot Friday night. I heard a snap but it was a split second thing and I was like nah I’m not gonna be the lil bitch who goes to emergency over a sprain. So you know what I did? Meal prepped lmfao! Just picture me legit using my good foot to sliiddeeee my broken foot behind me so it didn’t have to bear any weight.

So then I went to bed and it was soooo swollen and I was frantically messaging everyone but only one of my friends was replying. She’s like the calm mom of my life and she assured me ED wouldn’t think I was stupid and that if I had broken it I needed to go ASAP to prevent me breaking more bones by walking on it. Malcolm was no where to be found. He was also on a tropical island, as he so describes it, ENJOYING his life. I instantly got mad. Fuck him enjoying his life while I’m dying and in ED. Oh, something to make this even more hilarious? I broke my phone so I couldn’t even call him or anyone to let them know I was in ED or that they were all devils for being unavailable in my time of need.

This would probably make more sense if I told you Malcolm is a radiographer. So naturally he is in the best position to tell me if it’s broken or if I’m just being dramatic.

So I drive to ED. But wait, there’s more! The fuel light was on so I had to fucking hobble from the service station fuel drive way thing in to the counter to pay and back out before then hobbling in to ED. But wait, there’s more! I’ve never been to ED before so I parked in the main area. A nurse starting work took pity on me and told me I had a really long walk ahead of me so it was best I just drive. I was like “look, I’ve made it this far, I’ll just keep going.”

So then triage made me a file and asked my next of kin to which I embarrassingly had to tell them I don’t know a single persons phone number because my phone broke. I just lost all sense of purpose and dignity right there, to be honest!

Then the triage nurse, who looked really pissed off at being alive, goes “so what’s your emergency?” Emphasis on emergency. I get it, ED is for emergencies. I already felt shit I was taking up precious resources for a petty foot. But then she came around and looked at it and changed her tone. She was like OHHHHHH yeeeeeahh. I then saw her walk back around and put my file in to “fast track.” Fuck yeah, I’m not a whinger – this is real kids!!

I sat with the peasants in the waiting room in a wheelchair for extra dramatic effects for about 10 minutes and TA-DA – I’d bypassed all the peasants and I was seeing doctors, being x-rayed and generally being the VIP I clearly am. Then I had to wait for the doctor to suss out my x-ray but, the radiographer had already told me it was clearly broken so I was lowkey fist pumping at not being an over-reactor.

So as I’m waiting for the doctor, a nurse comes up and starts talking to me like we’re besties. I am a little confused like um sorry I think maybe you have more real issues to attend to than keep me company out of sheer pity that I don’t have a phone or support person. But she said it was quiet and we ended up getting talking about her sister who has chronic fatigue. She was telling me how her sister had always been tired as a kid and then she ended up doing half schooling because it got so bad. She then took like six years to do a uni degree while working part time. I can’t remember what she said the job was. But she said that she really sympathises with me and that her sister eventually got to a point where she could live normally but it took over 10 years from when she got really bad. That gave me hope, which was nice!

Then I got a cast on and my new bestie wheeled me out to my car and I felt awkward. I was like wow I’ve made this amazing connection with this person I’ve been talking to forever and consider like a friend and now I have to just leave without her facebook? Millennial issues. Friendly people issues. Making connections at hospitals issues.

So I drove home feeling so sorry for myself. I just felt sooooo alone. Also, I’ve been feeling really good in terms of fatigue and this just felt like a 900% set-back. Also, how the fuck does someone have such bad luck in life?

My house is at the end of this long ass drive-way to which I had to attempt using crutches for the first time while carrying a bag. It was 2am and I just wanted to cry. But the irony is you can’t just cry and be sad and lay down on the ground with crutches because you’ll never be able to get back up.

So I guess what I’ve learnt is courage and strength. Shit, do you know how scary it is going up and down stairs on crutches when that is how you hurt yourself in the first place?

So I’ve pretty much slept and felt sorry for myself for three days. I wassssss really tired. This can only be natural when it’s now taking me a million more percent energy to even get to the bathroom to pee. I was really worried about PEM but not from exercising just from trying to live and eat and pee. But I’ve noticed something good! So I’ve had six rounds of acupuncture now and sure, I’ve been tired since this happened. But when I am awake I am so much more alert in general. It’s not the being-awake-but-staring-at-a-wall-cos-brain-fog-and-despair that I used to experience. I am so alert, so sharp. Work it gal.

At the beginning I had really bad balance on crutches and I kept kind of falling over and swaying and leaning to one side dramatically like I was going to fall over. But yesterday I was like time to become a crutches bandit and take on the world! So I went to the pet shop for my baby. And I managed. I was sweating my ass off and I did then drive immediately to maccas for two large meals to gain some energy to walk back up the stairs to my bedroom. BUT I DID IT. And I am not suffering for it today. I really think this is all the acupuncture. And my positivity. Everyone in my life cannot understand how I have CFS, a broken foot, a broken phone and I’m happier than ever. I just had to have a quick mind switch and turn to laughing and hilarity because otherwise I would have had a break down.

So I’ve been alone all weekend. My housemate got home last night and she made me a cup of tea and brought it to my bed which was the sweetest thing a human has ever done for me. She also decided to bring a nice comfy chair upstairs and put it in our study nook which overlooks a big window and is super sunny so I can look out at the world passing by. Nicest. Thing. Ever.

I am picking Malcolm up from the airport in half an hour. I have a long list of things I really need help with that only an intimate human can be trusted with/I have so much guilt about asking people for help but Malcolm doesn’t count.

I haven’t eaten today because that requires going down the stairs and I just don’t think I can manage that as well as going to pick Malcolm up.

I cannot wait to see Malcolm because I am craving junk food soooo bad. I try to eat really good but fuck it, I was alone in my crisis with a broken leg. I am going to eat allll the ketchup flavoured potato chips!

I bet Malcolm cannot wait to see me :):):) I’ve already kind of told him I have a shopping list for him. I also want him to bath Bindi and do washing and water my garden and check my compost and change my bed sheets and bring the kettle upstairs so I can enjoy endless cups of tea in my bedroom.

I really think that having a broken leg has shown me how much worse it could be. I know CFS is the shittest thing on the planet but at least I can mindfully water my garden and stroke my plants when I feel like it. Now I can’t really do anything. So I think this is a blessing. I will forever think about having two working legs on shitty days when all I want to do is cry because I am so tired. Maybe I’ll relish in the fact that I can go talk to my worms whenever I want to a little bit more.

Please, enjoy something you can do with both your working legs (if that’s a thing you have) in my honour!