The CDC released its fat map yesterday and, unfortunately, pretty much everyone in the U.S. is now morbidly obese, as opposed to 1985, when the country was at a leaner, Cold-War fighting weight. "Obesity prevalence" has soared over the last quarter-century, but nowhere have Americans gotten fatter than in Mississippi, which boasts an adult obesity rate of nearly 35 percent, probably because Mississippi fries all of its seafood (delicious) and pairs that fried seafood with hushpuppies (measurably more delicious).

Having successfully fat-shamed an entire nation, the CDC singled out Mississippi as the most drastically overweight state in the Union. In an effort to combat the obesity problem, state officials are hoping to institute new programs aimed at making people eat healthier and exercise more. The state's campaign to make its schoolchildren lose weight has shown early promise, so state officials are hopeful that that they can pawn all their hushpuppies off on Louisiana, who will be more than happy to take them since Louisiana also has an obesity rate of over 30 percent.