who am i exactly

Finding Who I Am...

Norman tells me that I have no idea how wonderful I can be and that my current perspective of myself is limited to what I know from the past but that I truly have no idea how unlimited my future is...

I believe that. I am 29 years old. I have a soon to be five year old son. I have an associates, bachelors and graduate degrees and studies. I have traveled a little and I vaguely know my likes and dislikes but what else?

What Norman tells me to do (Norman is my sponsor in case this hasn't been clarified just yet), is to close my eyes, shut off my TV and technology, pray (not project), meditate and write. If I don't plan on my future, someone else just may plan it for me. I feel that one of the saddest parts of my life is that I have cowardly handed its outcome over to others for sometime...

How else does One find who they are? Traveling has always been a good way for me to see who I am in relation to this world and everything in it. It's nice to be extracted from the comfort of all I know and am accustom to, in order to see what traits, values, methods and beliefs of mine actually stand still when the rubber meets the road.

The big things...I know I like honesty, I honor the Truth in all things...I like commitment and loyalty, but I don't know exactly what 'to'...I have most recently found a nurturing factor in a monogamous relationship, however, find the monotony very dull and boring. I love all kinds of people and places and can easily find God in everything. My greatest achievement in the recent years is chilling out and being grateful for what I do have instead of trying to change the world and/or achieve more. There is no more pursuit of happiness, I just am happy-or at least this is what I am pursuing (hahahaha ... haha)

The little things....I don't like big kids or preteens as much as I love babies, teenagers and people...I like things extremely clean and orderly although I myself have an almost impossible time keeping things in order. However, I can obsessively keep everything clean if I want to and have the time. I am getting better at cooking. I make up a new set of rules everyday and expect everyone to know and follow them. I like cheetah print, real fur coats and some animals but do not want to take care of or domesticate any of them. Especially ferrets. Those snake cats are not real animals. There is one blip God made. I would rather live on a farm or preferably in the jungle where I can just chill with an elephant or zebra or tiger.

Broad things...I have always been big into education, knowledge, spelling, reading, cognitive development, but it seems that recently after having a child I have dumbed down quite a bit. This saddens me and I hope to pick up some books again and find some quiet time. However in the hustle and bustle of being a single parent in early sobriety I have kicked ass learning about how to make money, meet people and develop this thing they call the early years of my God willing long and beautiful life!