A Letter to My Daughter About Fighting Back

Written by Sarah Tuttle-Singer. Sarah is Jewrotica’s social media guru. This article originally appeared on Kveller.

To My Darling Daughter,

I watch your eyes glow when the kids in preschool want to play with you. I see how it matters to you what they say and how they smile.

I watch your bottom lip tremble when someone hurts your feelings.

And I watch you on the playground–your face flushed, and your breath staggered as you chase the child that was mean to you. I know you, and I know you are blaming yourself for their bad behavior.

I know you are trying to get a second chance at friendships not worth having.

You are so much like me that it takes my breath away.

Please. Don’t be this way.

And this is why I am telling you this story–in bits and pieces. Starting now, and ending when you’re older and we can sit down together over a glass of wine and really talk.

Before I met your father, I lived with someone else.

Things were very, very good–we’d eat Chinese takeout together and watch The Simpsons. We’d go for walks at midnight, holding hands and watching our breath mingle in the piercing night. We’d share a lemon chicken hot dog with sauerkraut, and smoke a bowl, and laugh and laugh and laugh.

We shared an apartment with big windows facing the San Francisco Bay. If you stood on the arm of the couch, you could see the Bay Bridge. I hung Gustav Klimt’s “The Kiss” over our bed. We were going to get married. We were going to have children.

And then, two years later, something changed.

It wasn’t subtle. It wasn’t slow. It was an immediate about-face that started one night–although I can’t remember how. Something about money? Something about work?

But it happened. A cruelness slithered across his face, and took hold. And I was stunned to respond. I thought I could fix it. I thought I could fix him.

Social media guru of Jewrotica, Sarah Tuttle-Singer is a writer for the Times of Israel and Huffington Post.
Sarah lives in Israel with her two children and is - in her own words - quite dangerous when bored.

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Sarah, this is powerful and you are SO strong. That girl is lucky to have you as her mother, and we are lucky to have you on our team. Thank you for sharing your story with us. xo

Anonymous Internet Commenter

This is a devastating read. Good on you, Ms Tuttle-Singer. You’re pretty inspirational.

Banana

This is such a difficult position you were put in. I’m so glad that you were able to get through it and you’re a wonderful role model for your children.

Moved

What a powerful story. It always surprises me when people who are in abusive relationships stay in them for long periods of time, but after many conversations with friends I am starting to understand how and why that happens. It is so important for you to be sharing your message with your daughter. I am impressed by your honesty.

Jewrotica is awesome. It expands the mind and for people who were raised with narrow views on sexuality. Whether you are Jewish or not, or in different sects of Judaism like Orthodox, Conservative or Reform, no matter what your background or where you’re from, Jewrotica gets you to see Judaism and how it relates to sexuality in new ways. I really appreciate Ayo being here and helping us learn different ways to connect with our sexuality.

Vanessa Steiner, Young Professional in Southern California

Jewrotica was everything I had dreamed of and more: sexy attendees, tantalizing confessions, and well-written literature to boot! More importantly, it empowers us Jews to reach inside and own our sexy selves and heritage!

Erin L., University of Texas at Austin Social Work Graduate Student

Learning about sex and what’s right and wrong when it comes to sex from a Biblical standpoint was an eye opening experience. I completely enjoyed it and think something like this could be a very cool thing to bring to even high school aged Jewish youth groups.

Hannah S., A Student at SUNY Purchase

I’m Heshy Fried from Frum Satire and I am very, very frum. And I completely support Jewrotica – it’s doing a service to the frum community. We need some sort of kosher sexual education. Jewrotica even has a system that allows frum filters to filter out certain things to make it PG for us. It’s mamish Torah. It’s like The Little Midrash Says for sex.

Heshy Fried, Founder of Frum Satire

Jewrotica is a great way to ask interesting questions about the interplay between sensuality and Jewish wisdom. Check it out.

While many people fear the “sex talk,” Jewrotica offers an opportunity for writers and audiences to speak about sexuality in a open and safe space. When I attended a Jewrotica reading, I heard stories that reminded me that love takes many forms, and that expressing it is a vital part of who we are as a people.

Leora, Young Professional from Washington DC

I had a great time deejaying at the Jewrotica event at Columbia University. The live readings were hilarious, informative, and in some cases, deeply moving. I know that I, along with many of my AEPi fraternity brothers, loved being able to connect our Judaism and our sexuality in a way that made all of us feel comfortable and welcome. I look forward to being a part of this again in the future!

Michael Richmond, Columbia University Class of ’13

I attended and participated in last month’s Jewrotica event. The engaging performers and Ayo, our inviting host, inspired the audience to feel like one big community. What a great way to inspire our community to embrace sex as a beautiful thing that can be fun, exciting, sacred, sensual, ridiculous, scary and everything in between!

Sabrina Must, Author and Jewish Educator from Baltimore MD

I love the inclusiveness – there is something for everyone, in and out of the Jewish community.

Delma Catalina, Student Leader at Texas State University

You may not tell your mom that you’re going to a live Jewrotica reading (or whatever clever name you will dub these events) but you will tell your friends. However, both would be jealous if they find out that they missed it.
I think it will only be a matter of time before Jewrotica helps us reclaim the term “Dirty Jew” the way rap music has done for “The ‘N’ Word.” I know I am now proud to be a Dirty Jew!

Ozzy Zion Nelson, Former Hillel JCSC Fellow and Quizmaster at Geeks Who Drink