Monday, July 11, 2011

How to Get With a Baller

In the past month I have racked up so many stories that my mind is trying to grab hold of one to tell y'all that won't put anyone that I know and love on full blast.....and I think I have the perfect story to relate....that of course will accompany my own witty banter :-).

The story actually starts with a question, that I feel like has been asked in many different ways by many different women to varrying degrees...

"What does it take to get a Baller's attention?"

This question of course has been highlighted by the dubiously and inaccurately named VH1 Reality TV show "Basketball Wives", and the other less popular "Football Wives"...and even "Keeping Up With the Kardiashians". By looking at the women on the shows and hearing their "problems", one would think that a women would have to dress, look and act like a Barbie or automotron in order to catch one of these guy's eyes....

And if you don't look like you're from a mixed background, then you are automatically excluded from the bunch....

When I hear such statements and listen to the criticism of these guys, and of the women that they choose to date and marry, I get heated on so many levels.

Why??? Because the truth is, is that if you're asking the question....you probably are in it for the wrong reasons anyway.

Such questions don't come from a place of concern or from love, they come from a place of fear of rejection and that as a woman you're not good enough from the start. And THAT, is NOT ok. No man, Baller or not, wants to be with a woman who thinks that she isn't good enough to be in the relationship. He wants one who knows her true worth! (Side note: abusive and mentally unstable men look for women who have no inner value...not good men.)

Furthermore, such questions are usually done out of spite, or are done to hear vindictive or degrading answers that lifts no one up, but rather tears everyone in the room down. Trust, I have heard the conversation many times, and even from the kindest and gentlest of hearts, I have heard venom spewed out for the seemingly unfair challenges that lay in the way for the everyday woman to have a chance at a Baller.

Now, why do I get so heated? Because the bottom line is, is that these guys know why most women are after them. And let's be clear, no matter how many specials on TV, or how many times you've met the guy in passing....you can't possibly want him for the right reasons unless y'all have had a proper conversation, and you've practically gotten cursed out by his Mother or Grandma...trust me...it's coming. Until then, you're just some chick after him for his money, and so you had better look like you're worth him spending some money on you.

He's not looking at any female as a woman worthy of his trust until Mama comes into the equation. IE...you can hang with my Mom; you remind me of my Mom; my Mom didn't scare you off.
Until then...you're just a gold-digger. And if you want him to look at you as more than just a gold-digger, you're going to have to treat him like he's more than just a stack of money. That he's more than just your way to get into VIP, or your ticket out of your 9-5, that he's more than his contract, more than a status symbol, and more than a romp in the hay to say that you've slept with a Baller. In other words you're gonna have to treat him like a man, respect him like a man, and talk to him like a peer instead of a piece of meat.

For now that is all I have to say...oh yeah my story, the basis is this- my best friendship with a man is with a guy who works with NBA guys and negotiates on their behalf. He travels the world and carries two cells at all times just to keep up with business. He doesn't have to answer my calls, or texts, but he does everytime and when he does he calls me Dear, and Sweetie. He makes me feel like a Princess, and because of his watching out for me, I have been able to travel and do some pretty amazing things that are all on the legit and legal side of the law. He vouches for me, just by my being able to call him a friend, and the reason why, is because I stepped outside of the mold that he was used to with women. My not asking him billions of questions about his clients, or trying to get next to them when I had the opportunity led him to trust me enough to lend his name to me when I speak to folks. And let me be clear...being able to call him a friend has opened many doors for me, and has probably opened doors that I didn't even know that he was behind. But the most valuable part of my friendship is the fact that I can count on him to do what he says he will do. He has never left me hanging, and that has been what has saved my opinion of men...period.

Honestly, I canNOT tell you why he treats me with any regard whatsoever, because I have witnessed him cussing some folks out with more professional standing, more money, and better looks than I. Now I know that this doesn't quite fit into my rant earlier, but in many ways it does. My friend has the connections, and the money to get or do whatever he wants to do. But I've never asked him for any tangible item that would cost him a dime. And he has given me something much more valuable, his respect....and conversely the basic respect of all who he does business with.