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The Naked Truth, Vol. 26

Sep 06th 2012

Angela, I’ve been seeing a girl for a couple of weeks and her birthday is at the end of next week. Awkwardly soon. What are some good present ideas for a new relationship? I don’t want to come on too strong or, even worse, be labeled insensitive. --Smith

Smith, find middle ground. Purchasing a gift puts a dollar sign on something that can’t even be labeled as a relationship yet, and doing nothing…well, you can’t do nothing.

My recommendation is to do something really ingenious and romantic that money can’t buy. Take a bike ride to the beach and have a bottle of champagne under the stars, plan an execute a romantic dinner that you’ve created yourself, write her a poem, or if you are musically inclined record a song for her.

“A wise lover values not so much the gift of the lover as the love of the giver.” ~Thomas á Kempis

My girlfriend is a control freak. I say that with love, but sometimes her antics can ruin an afternoon. It mostly involves us driving around. If I’m behind the wheel of my car, she’s having apoplexy. I drive too fast or too slow. She grabs the “oh shit” handle when I switch lanes. By the time we reach our destination she’s stressed and I’m fuming. How do I get her to relax and just enjoy the ride? --Steven

Steven, this one is easy. From now on, she drives.

Angela, I have this super embarrassing habit of wetting the bed a little bit during sex. Every time it happens I’m mortified and it takes me a while to be intimate with my partner because of it. I’m starting to see someone new and I’m excited about being intimate with him, but also terrified of having to address this problem. --H. L.

H.L., sex with a new partner is exciting and filled with nervous anticipation, but it also can be dreaded if you’re self conscious about anything from body appearance to, in your case, something as personal as urination during sex.

You didn’t elaborate, but 20% of women who experience incontinence at other times also have issues during sex. If you fall in this category, weak pelvic floor muscles could be the cause. Depending on the severity, anything from Kegel exercises to consulting a urogynecologist is recommended.

Another factor could be your chosen sexual positions. There are certain angles that put more pressure on the female bladder, thus causing your bedwetting.

So how do you address it with your new partner? Do you say nothing and hope for the best or declare this fact upfront? My advice is that you tell him before you get intimate. If given the choice between inhibited sex or no sex at all, choose the latter. But do give him time to digest the pretty heavy information you’ve laid on him before proceeding together. Good luck.

On her popular blog, www.essentiallyangela.com, divorced single mom Angela Lutin dispenses musings on life, raising a teen, navigating the single scene, and tips to stay sexy regardless of your age or relationship status. A social media addict, she recently launched her new weekly Twitter conversation @essentiallyang—aptly titled #sexychat—that answers dating, sex-related topics and anything in between. Angela’s "Naked Truth" dating advice column appears weekly on Bocamag.com and also exclusively in Boca Raton magazine. Follow Angela on Facebook, http://www.facebook.com/EssentiallyAngela or Twitter, https://twitter.com/essentiallyang.