Reveries of a Bachelor, or A Book of the Heart by "Ik Marvel"

The following is from Reveries
of a Bachelor, or A Book of the Heart, written in 1850 by "Ik
Marvel" - pseudonm for Donald
G. Mitchell. Far from reflecting a "Jacksonian" spirit,
it is classic early Victoriana. On the other hand, as Ann Douglas argues,
he illustrates a tendency that was was well underway in the Jackson era.

In The
Feminization of American Culture (p285), Douglas describes Mitchell
and essayists who wrote in a similar vein: "They escaped censure
because they did not take themselves seriously. They confessed to indolence.
They pleaded implicitly for a special status, that of perpetual child,
of the observer licensed only because he is incapable of participation.
... They wished to be considered amateurs, even idlers, not men working
hard to achieve their literary goals."

The Dictionary
of American Biography says much kinder things about him, though
consistent in a way: "He always maintained a modest and apologetic
attitude toward his own literary efforts", and also praised his style
somewhat "He used the English language in its purest forms, achieving
his efforts by sincerity and simplicity rather than by display". I certainly
find his prose seductive, though the subject matter tends to be self-involved,
patronizing, at best, to women, and often morbid or maudlin.

OVER A WOOD FIRE

I HAVE got a quiet farmhouse
in the country, a very humble place to be sure, tenanted by a worthy enough
man, of the old New-England stamp, where I sometimes go for a day or two
in the winter, to look over the farm- accounts, and to see how the stock
is thriving on the winter's keep.

One side the door, as
you enter from the porch, is a little parlor, scarce twelve feet by ten,
with a cozy looking fireplace--a heavy oak floor, a couple of armchairs
and a brown table with carved lions feet. Out of this room opens a little
cabinet, only big enough for a broad bachelor bedstead, where I sleep upon
feathers, and wake in the morning, with my eye upon a saucy colored, lithographic
print of some fancy "Bessy."

It happens to be the
only house in the world, of which I am a bona-fide owner; and I
take a vast deal of comfort in treating it just as I choose. I manage to
break some article of furniture, almost every time I pay it a visit; and
if I cannot open the window readily of a morning to breathe the fresh air,
I knock out a pane or two of glass with my boot. I lean against the walls
in a very old armchair there is on the premises, and scarce ever fail to
worry such a hole in the plastering, as would set me down for a round charge
for damages in town, or make a prim housewife fret herself into a raging
fever. I laugh out loud with myself, in my big armchair, when I think that
I am neither afraid of one nor the other.

As for the fire, I keep
the little hearth so hot, as to warm half the cellar below, and the whole
space between the jambs, roars for hours together, with white flame. To
be sure the windows are not very tight, between broken panes, and bad joints,
so that the fire, large as it is, is by no means an extravagant comfort.

As night approaches,
I have a huge pile of oak and hickory placed beside the hearth; I put out
the tallow candle on the mantel (using the family snuffers, with one leg
broken) then, drawing my chair directly in front of the blazing wood, and
setting one foot on each of the old iron fire-dogs (until they grow too
warm), I dispose myself for an evening of such sober, and thoughtful quietude,
as I believe, on my soul, that very few of my fellowmen have the good fortune
to enjoy.

My tenant meantime, in
the other room I can hear now and then--though there is a thick stone chimney,
and broad entry between--multiplying contrivances with his wife, to put
two babies to sleep. This occupies them, I should say, usually an hour;
though my only measure of time (for I never carry a watch into the country),
is the blaze of my fire. By ten, or thereabouts, my stock of wood is nearly
exhausted; I pile upon the hot coals what remains, and sit watching how
it kindles, and blazes, and goes out--even like our joys! and then, slip
by the light of the embers into my bed, where I luxuriate in such sound,
and healthful slumber, as only such rattling window frames, and country
air, can supply.

But to return, the other
evening--it happened to be on my last visit to my farmhouse--when I had
exhausted all the ordinary rural topics of thought, had formed all sorts
of conjectures as to the income of the year; had planned a new wall around
one lot, and the clearing up of another, now covered with patriarchal wood;
and wondered if the little rickety house would not be after all a snug
enough box, to live and to die in--I fell on a sudden into such an unprecedented
line of thought, which took such a deep hold of my sympathies--sometimes
even starting tears--that I determined, the next day, to set as much of
it as I could recall, on paper.

Something-it may have
been the home-looking blaze (I am a bachelor of-say six and twenty), or
possibly a plaintive cry of the baby in my tenant's room, had suggested
to me the thought of Marriage.

I piled upon the heated
fire-dogs, the last armful of my wood ; and now, said I, bracing myself
courageously between the arms of my chair--I'll not flinch; I'll pursue
the thought wherever it leads, though it lead me to the d____ (I am apt
to be hasty) at least--continued I, softening--until my fire is out.

The wood was green, and
at first showed no disposition to blaze. It smoked furiously. Smoke, thought
I, always goes before blaze; and so does doubt go before decision: and
my reverie, from that very, starting point, slipped into this shape:

SMOKE-SIGNIFYING DOUBT.

Does a man buy a ticket
in a lottery--a poor man, whose whole earnings go in to secure the ticket-without
trembling, hesitating, and doubting?

Can a man stake his bachelor
respectability, his independence, and comfort, upon the die of absorbing,
unchanging, relentless marriage, without trembling at the venture?

Shall a man who has been
free to chase his fancies over the wide world, without let or hindrance,
shut himself up to marriageship, within four walls called home, that are
to claim him, his time, his trouble, and his tears, thenceforward forever
more, without doubts thick, and thick-coming as smoke?

Shall he who has been
hitherto a mere observer of other men's cares and business, moving off
where they made him sick of heart, approaching whenever and wherever they
made him gleeful-shall he now undertake administration of just such cares
and business without qualms? Shall he, whose whole life has been but a
nimble succession of escapes from trifling difficulties, now broach without
doubtings-that matrimony, where if difficulty beset him there is no escape?
Shall this brain of mine, careless-working, never tired with idleness,
feeding on long vagaries, and high, gigantic castles, dreaming out beatitudes
hour by hour--turn itself at length to such dull task-work, as thinking
out a livelihood for wife and children?

Where thenceforward will
be those sunny dreams, in which I have warmed my fancies, and my heart,
and lighted my eye with crystal? This very marriage, which a brilliant
working imagination has invested time and again with brightness, and delight,
can serve no longer as a mine for teeming fancy: all, alas, will be gone-reduced
to the dull standard of the actual! No more room for intrepid forays of
imagination-no more gorgeous realm-making all will be over !

Why not, I thought, go
on dreaming?

Can any wife be prettier
than an after dinner fancy, idle and yet vivid, can paint for you? Can
any children make less noise, than the little rosy-cheeked ones, who have
no existence, except in the omnium gatherum of your own brain? Can
any housewife be more unexceptionable than she who goes sweeping daintily
the cobwebs that gather in your dreams? Can any domestic larder be better
stocked, than the private larder of your head dozing on a cushioned chair-back
at Delmonico's? Can any family purse be better filled than the exceeding
plump one you dream of, after reading such pleasant books as Munchausen,
or Typee?

But if, after all, it
must be-duty, or what-not, making provocation--what then? And I clapped
my feet hard against the fire-dogs, and leaned back, and turned, my face
to the ceiling, as much as to say: And where on earth, then, shall a poor
devil look for a wife?

Somebody says, Lyttleton
or Shaftesbury, I think, that, "marriages would be happier if they
were all arranged by the lord chancellor." Unfortunately, we have
no lord chancellor to make this commutation of our misery.

Shall a man, then, scour
the country on a mule's back, like Honest Gil Blas, of Santillane; or shall
he make application to some such intervening providence as Madame St. Marc,
who, as I see by the Presse, manages
these matters to one's hand, for. some five per cent on the fortunes of
the parties?

I have trouted, when
the brook was so low, and the sky so hot, that I might as well have thrown
my fly upon the turnpike; and I have hunted hare at noon, and woodcock
in snow-time-never despairing, scarce doubting; but for a poor hunter of
his kind, without traps or snares, or any aid of police or constabulary,
to traverse the world, where are swarming, on a moderate computation, some
three hundred and odd millions of unmarried women, for a single capture-irremediable,
unchangeable-and yet a captive which by strange metonymy, not laid down
in the books, is very apt to turn captor into
captive, and make game of hunter-all this,
surely, surely may make a man shrug with doubt!

Then-again-there are
the plaguey wife's-relations. Who knows how many third, fourth, or fifth
cousins will appear at careless, complimentary intervals long after you
had settled into the placid belief that all congratulatory visits were
at an end? How many twisted-headed brothers will be putting in their advice,
as a friend to Peggy?

How many maiden aunts
will come to spend a month or two with their "dear Peggy," and
want to know every tea-time, "if she isn't a dear love of a wife?"
Then, dear father-in-law will beg, (taking dear Peggy's hand in his) to
give a little wholesome counsel ; and will be very sure to advise just
the contrary of what you had determined to undertake. And dear mamma-in-law
must set her nose into Peggy's cupboard, and insist upon having the, key
to your own private locker in the wainscot.

Then, perhaps, there
is a little bevy of dirty-nosed nephews who come to spend the holidays,
and eat up your East India sweetmeats; and who are forever tramping over
your head or raising the old Harry below, while you are busy with your
clients. Last, and worst, is some fidgety old uncle, forever too cold or
too hot, who vexes you with his patronizing airs, and impudently kisses
his little Peggy!

--That could be borne,
however: for perhaps he has promised his fortune to Peggy. Peggy, then,
will be rich (and the thought made me rub my shins, which were now getting
comfortably warm upon the firedogs). Then, she will be forever talking
of her fortune; and pleasantly reminding you on occasion, of a favorite
purchase --how lucky that she had
the means; and dropping hints about economy; and buying very extravagant
Paisleys.

She will annoy you by
looking over the stock-list at breakfast time; and mention quite carelessly
to your clients, that she is interested in such, or such a speculation.

She will be provokingly
silent when you hint to a tradesman, that you have not the money by you,
for his small bill--in short, she will tear the life out of you, making
you pay in righteous retribution of annoyance, grief, vexation, shame,
and sickness of heart, for the superlative folly of "marrying rich."

--But if not rich, then
poor. Bah! the thought made me stir the coals ; but there was still no
blaze. The paltry earnings you are able to wring out of clients by the
sweat of your brow, will now be all our income; you will be pestered
for pin-money, and pestered with your poor wife's relations. Ten to one,
she will stickle about taste-" Sir Visto's"--and want to make
this so pretty, and that so charming, if she only had the means; and is
sure Paul (a kiss) can't deny his little Peggy such a trifling sum, and
all for the common benefit.

Then she, for one, means
that her children shan't go a- begging for clothes-and another pull
at the purse. Trust a poor mother to dress her children in finery!

Perhaps she is ugly--not
noticeable at first; but growing on her, and (what is worse) growing faster
on you. You wonder why you didn't see that vulgar nose long ago: and that
lip--it is very strange, you think, that you ever thought it pretty. And
then-to come to breakfast, with her hair looking as it does, and you, not
so much as daring to say--"Peggy, do brush your hair!" Her foot,
too--not very bad when decently chaussee--but now, since
she's married, she does wear such infernal slippers! And yet, for all this,
to be prigging up for an hour, when any of my old chums come to dine with
me!

"Bless your kind
hearts! my dear fellows," said 1, thrusting the tongs into the coals,
and speaking out loud, as if my voice could reach from Virginia to Paris--"not
married yet!"

Perhaps Peggy is pretty
enough-only shrewish.

--No matter for cold
coffee; you should have been up before.

What sad, thin, poorly
cooked chops, to eat with your rolls!

--She thinks they are
very good, and wonders how you can set such an example to your children.

The butter is nauseating.

--She has no other, and
hopes you'll not raise a storm about butter a little turned. I think I
see myself --ruminated I-- sitting meekly at table, scarce daring to lift
up, my eyes, utterly fagged out with some quarrel of yesterday, choking
down detestably sour muffins, that my wife thinks are "delicious "--slipping
in dried mouthfuls of burned ham off the side of my fork tines-slipping
off my chair side-ways at the end, and slipping out with my hat between
my knees, to business, and never feeling myself a competent, sound-minded
man, till the oak door is between me and Peggy!

"Ha, ha-not yet!"
said I; and in so earnest a tone, that my dog started to his feet--cocked
his eye to have a good look into my face-met my smile of triumph with an
amiable wag of the tail, and curled up again in the corner.

Again, Peggy is rich
enough, well enough, mild enough, only she doesn't care a fig for you.
She has married you because father, or grandfather thought the match eligible,
and because she didn't wish to disoblige them. Besides, she didn't positively
hate you, and thought you were a respectable enough young person; she has
told you so repeatedly at dinner. She wonders you like to read poetry;
she wishes you would buy her a good cookbook; and insists upon you making
your will at the birth of the first baby.

She thinks Captain So-and-So
a splendid looking fellow, and wishes you would trim up a little, were
it only for appearance' sake.

You need not hurry up
from the office so early at night: she, bless her dear heart! does not
feel lonely. You read to her a love tale; she interrupts the pathetic parts
with directions to her seamstress. You read of marriages: she sighs and
asks if Captain So-and-So has left town! She hates to be mewed up in a
cottage, or between brick walls; she does so
love the Springs!

But, again, Peggy loves
you; at least she swears it, with her hand on the Sorrows of Werter.
She has pin-money which she spends for the Literary World and the
friends in council. She is not bad looking, save a bit too much of forehead;
nor is she sluttish, unless a neglige till three o'clock, and an
ink stain on the forefinger be sluttish; but then she is such a sad blue!

You never fancied when
you saw her buried in a three volumed novel, that it was anything more
than a girlish vagary; and when she quoted Latin, you thought innocently,
that she had a capital memory for her samplers.

But to be bored eternally
about Divine Dante and funny Goldoni, is too bad. Your copy of Tasso, a
treasure print of 1680, is all bethumbed and dog's-eared, and spotted with
baby gruel. Even your Seneca --an Elzevir-- is all sweaty with handling.
She adores La Fontaine, reads Balzac with a kind of artist-scowl, and will
not let Greek alone.

Yon hint at broken rest
and an aching head at breakfast, and she will fling you a scrap of anthology-in
lieu of the camphor bottle--or chant the aiai
aiaiof tragic chorus.

--The nurse is getting
dinner; you are holding the baby; Peggy is reading Bruyere.

The fire smoked thick
as pitch, and puffed out little clouds over the chimney piece. I gave the
fork-stick a kick, at the thought of Peggy, baby and Bruyere.

--Suddenly the flame
flickered bluely athwart the smoke--caught at a twig below--rolled round
the mossy oak-stick-twined among the crackling tree-limbs--mounted--lit
up the whole body of smoke, and blazed out cheerily and bright. Doubt vanished
with Smoke, and Hope began with Flame.