Dear John Kerry: Get out of Israel

TEL AVIV, January 16, 2014 — A “Dear John letter” is defined as “a letter written to a husband or boyfriend by his spouse or significant other to inform him their relationship is over.” This is very much that kind of letter:

Dear John Kerry,

It’s over between us. Please get out.

And just so you aren’t wondering, it’s not us; it’s definitely you.

We, the people of the State of Israel, do not want you around anymore. Your monthly visits are starting to border on stalker-like. We are thinking about changing the locks. And don’t get us confused with your buddy Barack; when we say we are closing the border, we mean it.

Our defense minister may have apologized for what he said, but come on, did you really buy that? He meant every word he said, and you know what? He was exactly right! You need to rethink your priorities, mister. If winning praise and adulation from the rest of the off-kilter liberal world is more important to you than our actual well-being than don’t even bother going through the motions.

Actions speak louder than words, John, and your actions prove you are in this for the glory. And by the way, even if you did get a Nobel, who cares? They give those to anyone! Just ask Barack and Yasser (or his recently exhumed corpse). Even Jerusalem Post reporter Ben Caspit, in his article taking Ya’alon to task for his method, had to admit that what Moshe Ya’alon said was, “pretty convincing … based on solid information, reliable assessments, a deep-seated, genuine belief, and a steely determination to protect Israel’s security.”

So, sorry, but not sorry.

I saw that you announced that despite the verbal beating Ya’alon served up, you remain “undeterred.” You really should rethink that Johnny boy.

This whole time we have been together you have missed the point. Israel does want peace. What we do not want is a deal we are forced to make at metaphorical and literal gunpoint with a “partner” who has no interest in honoring any deal, and has stated as much in every language he knows how to speak. Why must Ya’alon be silent when Abbas runs around inciting hatred and violence, hugging terrorists and honoring falling martyrs? What kind of sick double-standard is that? You may claim to love us (we are not buying that either, by the way), but you certainly don’t get us at all.

And another thing — we don’t owe you anything. It isn’t disrespectful to disagree with you. You are just like everyone else in the Obama Administration these days. You think public office gives you carte blanch to tell everyone what is best for themselves. This diseased way of thinking can even be seen in men I am sure you don’t like as well. In his new book, which is making headlines mostly because it reveals that your BBF Barack sent U.S. soldiers into missions he did not believe would succeed, former Secretary of Defense Robert Gates said of Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu that, “I was offended by his glibness and his criticism of U.S. policy.” He said Netanyahu was ungrateful for the work the Obama Administration did for the Israeli military.

Oh woe is America! All you guys want is for everyone to agree with you all the time, and shut up if they don’t, and just get down on their knees and thank the Good Lord that you have intervened in their lives.

News flash, John: WE DON’T NEED YOU.

We were attacked by four Arab armies the day we were born and guess what? You weren’t such a good friend to us then and we survived. Maybe we will go out and make new friends. If you are no longer interested in being on our team, I am sure we can ask Russia or China if they want to come over for a drink. Getting jealous?

The sad fact of the matter is, I don’t think this relationship is fixable anymore. The day you decided to put your own interests, the interests of the terrorist regime in Ramallah, and the interests of the terrorist regime in Gaza ahead of ours was the day you lost us forever.

So, dear John, get out, stay out and don’t ever come back.

Sincerely,
The State of Israel

P.S. The next time you are bear hugging Iranian Prime Minister Rouhani, could you whisper in his ear that we are coming for him? Thanks!

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Doni Kandel has been writing about Israeli and Jewish issues since the age of 13. Originally from Los Angeles, he now lives in central Israel, teaching high school history. He holds an M.A. in Counter-Terrorism and Homeland Security from the IDC Herzliya.