My name is Hagatha Macrow. I’m Elise Macrow’s Cousin. Okay, I’m cousin to just about everyone in House Macrow, the ancient and venereeal…

Elise: Don’t you mean venerated?

venerated, venial, venereal…I mean, there’s not a family tree, It looks more like kudzu…

Elise: I prefer Celtic knots

Tallon: You know, venereal might have been the right word here

Elise: (scowls)

Celtic knots are too well-organized and do not take into account the twisted nature of the relationships. Come to think of it, venereal might well explain the crazy involved, too.

I’m also a neuro-psychologist in the mortal world. I study memory and and the effects of trauma on the brain.

I live in a tower in Neutral and Boring, Colorado across the valley from Cousin Elise. Family? Aside from the Macrows, there’s the folks I have adopted: Granddaddy Eason is an ex-cop who lives in Oklahoma City. He’s a serious badass who fought zombies with his great-granddaughter, Maddie…There are my friends from the Justicirate Maguc school, Deborah and Mindy and the Grayson Geeks who’ve dubbed me one of their Geek Goddesses…

I’m the local crazy cat lady.

Tallon: She’s just crazy…

Hagatha: You’re the one to talk, Fang Boy…. I don’t count the cats anymore, but the local vet’s upgraded from an ancient Jeep with peeling paint to a brand new Land Rover. One thing magic’s really good for is scooping sh—

Elise: HAGATHA!

Aside from conducting both magical and scientfic research and writing papers, Elise and I entertain our small community of recluses with weekly magical duels and almost single-handedly keep the tea shop in business. I also am on call for cases involving magical abuse with the Justicirate Magus.