unfamiliar

Today
I acknowledge my lowness
I accept that there are times
when a single positive thought cannot be found
And I endeavour
To pull myself through
to step forwards
in any direction
to move myself from this space
and find something within me
that I can hold onto

I thought giving myself space
to think and feel
would bring a clarity
and positivity to my life
Instead it has brought a flood
of emotional realisations
that hurt more
because they are new and unfamiliar

I cried on the London Underground
Bakerloo line
Closed my eyes and looked inward
to really delve into what I was feeling
Eyelids wet,
a single tear rolled down my left cheek
Still I held myself close
and just experienced it
as fully as I could.
And I discovered,
the pain wasn’t as bad
as I had imagined
On this cold, cold day
Feeling the slightest warmth
of love
from caring about myself