I can certainly relate... I lost my grandfather on a christmas eve... a holiday but one that was tied to him completely every christmas since i was born I had always spent christmas eve with my Papaw and Mimaw... he passed in 1991 and it shook my world to its very core... changing the holidays forever.
I grew up in a family that was very close .... aunts uncles cousins we all congregated at mimaw and papaws house at minimum1 a month.. The year before I had lost an aunt so it was like doubled whammy. I really dont remember much of that whole christmas... I started having christmas eve then fir just my brother and his family and mine and out mother and mimaw.
Then it will be two years this Dec 27th that I lost her too... in between I lost my dad, an uncle 2 cousins. So the holidays have become a time when I know I will be very very down. I started doing baking and candy making to give me a focus. My family is always so worried about me... So I picked those 2 items to become my new tradition for christmas. I dont know if there is any chance you have something similar but if you can find one thing that you could do, to take your focus off of the sadness and start making a small segment a happier time! I do mine because it helps my hubby and son not worry about me so much... if I cant do it for me.. at least I can make the effort for them... allow them to not be drug under my deprression.