Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Cinemaniac Reviews Twenty Questions (Part Two)

11. What film gets your vote for the worst or most pointless remake?As Katie-Bar-The-Door said when I mentioned this question, the most pointless remake of all time was Gus Van Sant's shot-for-shot recreation of Alfred Hitchcock's Psycho. That's just an objective fact.

Worst? Perhaps Barbara Streisand's version of A Star is Born? Although come to think of it, Barbara Streisand's version of anything is the worst.12. Is there any film you think is actually desperate for a remake?I'd think you'd want to go with a near miss, right? Something with a good cast, but a fatally-flawed script, or vice versa, or it-began-so-well-but-what-an-end (to quote Sinatra).

You know, I thought somewhere in Laws of Attraction was the germ of a really good romantic comedy. Pierce Brosnan and Julianne Moore had great chemistry together and some scenes worked really well, but it went off the rails when they shifted the action to Ireland forty minutes in, and then the writers' apparent lack of familiarity with the way lawyers make a living left them flailing for a way to end what could have been a nice updating of Adam's Rib.

Let's let Brosnan and Moore try it again. But let me fix the screenplay first.13. Name your three favorite film heroes.Humphrey Bogart's Richard Blaine (Casablanca)John Wayne's John T. Chance (Rio Bravo)William Powell's Nick Charles (The Thin Man)14. Name your three favorite film villains.Hal 9000 (2001: A Space Odyssey)Arnold Schwarzenegger (The Terminator)Jane Greer's Kathie Moffat (Out of the Past)15. Best sequel?Aliens, maybe. Toy Story 2, maybe. The Godfather Part II, maybe.16. Worst sequel?Not counting (to my mind) obvious crap knockoffs like The Sting 2 which didn't feature the original stars, I'm going with Alien 3, which wasn't just a bad movie, but ruined the previous two retroactively. I like to pretend it doesn't exist.

That Katie-Bar-The-Door and I both came up with this one independently should tell you something.17. Best trilogy?The Toy Story trilogy, probably, although I read that Richard Linklater, Ethan Hawke and Julie Delpy just wrapped Before Midnight, the sequel to Before Sunrise and Before Sunset. So possibly that one, depending on how it turns out.18. Worst trilogy?I'm sure Meet the Parents or some such thing or the other is the worst, but I only saw part of the first one.

Indeed, therein lies the rub—because unless you're getting paid to review them, why would you seek out a trio of movies bad enough to qualify as the "worst trilogy of all time"?So, with that in mind, I'll say the most disappointing trilogy for me that was at least good enough for me to see all three films, was the Star Wars prequel—because the story of a whinging teenager who destroys the Republic because he's cock-blocked by the some obscure provision of the Jedi code of conduct just didn't resonate with me.

Picture instead, if you will, a story that opens on a swaggering young pilot out of the Harrison Ford/Han Solo mold who is taken under Obi Wan Kenobi's wing during the Clone Wars, taught the ways of the Force, but who turns to the dark side—ala the U.S. at Guantanamo Bay and Abu Ghraib—because he feels that sometimes you have to do what you have to do to save the ideals you love (in this case, the Republic), and in a twist of classical irony, destroys the very thing he is protecting.19. What’s your favorite word to use in a movie review (if your film blog does not feature reviews, substitute “review” with “-related post”?)In the past month or so, the word has been "Chaplin."20. Anything else?Julie Andrews. What about Julie Andrews, you ask? I don't know. She just popped into my head and I've always dug her and she's still alive. So there.

I'd go with Dark Knight, as rivalling Godfather II for best sequel ever and one of the few (like Toy Story 2 and 3) that are better than the original

16 Worst sequel?

I have to go with Caddyshack 2. How can a film so funny have a sequel without a single laugh?

Also, the great horror films with sequels - so any sequel to Jaws, The Exorcist or Halloween.

17 Best Trilogy?

Well, if I counted Lord of the Rings, that would be it.

I think I would go with the Dark Knight Trilogy - might not average as high as the original Star Wars Trilogy, but the weakest film (Dark Knight Rises) is better than the other weakest (Return of the Jedi).

18 Worst Trilogy?

The Matrix trilogy. The Transformers films are worse but I'm not sure they're a trilogy and I only saw them because of my awards fixation.

The Matrix films began okay (though massively over-rated) and then descended into pure crap.

19 Favorite Word to use in a Review?

I wish I had an excuse to use Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis because I'm the only person I know who can say it out loud.

20 What's Missing?

Book most in need of being made into a film. I made a whole list at one point, and thankfully Tintin has finally graced the screen. So I'm going with Nova, by Samuel Delany, which could be brilliant.

The Monkey walked by, read the comments and said that what he should had answered for "What's Missing?" was "A movie made from one of my books." As someone who would like a full time maid, gardener, and other assorted household help so that I have more time for napping, I have to agree with him.

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What are the Katie-Bar-The-Door Awards?

Named for Katie-Bar-The-Door, the Katies are "alternate Oscars"—who should have been nominated, who should have won—but really they're just an excuse to write a history of the movies from the Silent Era to the present day.

To see a list of nominees and winners by decade, as well as links to my essays about them, click the highlighted links:

The Silent Oscars

About Me

Look at me—Joe College, with a touch of arthritis. Are my eyes really brown? Uh, no, they're green. Would we have the nerve to dive into the icy water and save a person from drowning? That's a key question. I, of course, can't swim, so I never have to face it. Say, haven't you anything better to do than to keep popping in here early every morning and asking a lot of fool questions?