I live in a crazy household; consisting of a mom who is going deaf, my wacky wooky husband, myself, my 21 year old girl crazy stepson who is now serving in the United States Marines, my 18 year old Autistic Son, 16 year old diva daughter, our 9 year old precocious son, 2 adorable Pugs, a noisy French Bull Dog, 2 turtles, and a partridge in a pear tree

Monday, October 31, 2005

MUWHAAAAAAAA. It is the day for spooks, ghosts, ghoulies, and goblins. The day when you can dress up and be someone or something you are not and no one cares.

I was going to dress up but didn't feel like it. I have on black jeans, a grey long sleeved t-shirt with my sign on it in purple, black shoes, my hair is pulled back, and the most "dressed up" I am is I have all 5 of my earring holes filled with different earrings today. That was work just putting in my earrings. A couple of the holes had started closing so I had to punch through them. I'll dress up tonight when I take the kids trick-r-treating tonight.

The kids couldn't dress up for school so this morning was pretty easy, just like any other school morning. In our school the kids can dress up if they are in 2nd grade or younger but that's it. They will get a bag of candy at the end of school but no Halloween party today.

Scott was offered a free lance job delivereing stuff to Albuquerque, which is 2 1/2 hours from us, last Thursday and then as he was almost back into town that night the same people called him and asked him to leave by 7pm that same night to deliver another load to L.A. It's kind of hard to turn down a job like that when it's paying pretty good money. So he packed a bag and left after I got home from work. He called me that night from the hotel to let me know he had made it and was doing ok so far. I heard from him again the next day when he was dropping off the load and then said "hey, guess what is 3 miles away from me?" I was afraid to say it but I knew he was going to say DisneyLand. He yelled DisneyLand in my ear before I could answer. I asked if he was going and he asked if it would upset me. Well, NO, but I'll be awfully jealous for a few Months! So, the weenie head went to DisneyLand without me. I don't blame him at all. I would have gone if I had the chance. He brought me a cool pair of Winnie the Pooh earrings and baby Pooh and baby Tigger pins. I am wearing the earrings today.

And I know of at least one person who is disappointed that I didn't dress up today. This is the first year since I started this job that I haven't dressed up for this day. Oh well, life goes on. The fun is seeing the kids at night when everyone is running around ringing doorbells, knocking on doors and screaming for treats.

Friday, October 28, 2005

Another Flashback Friday at HeartSongs and this week we are sharing Halloween stories. I really don't have any exciting stories of this holiday.

I am realizing my life is quite boring since I fould Flashback Friday. Oh well, I'm never bored so it's ok.

I seem to enjoy Halloween so much more as an adult. As a kid it was just ok. I was always the chubby kid though so going around one night a year and asking for candy never felt right. Now, as a BBW I have absolutely no qualms about it. Especially since I have 3 demons to cart around.

I have hated clowns for as long as I can remember. The stupid things have never made me happy, or laugh, or giggle. I have always found them quite creepy. Creepy Clowns. The clown doll on Poltergeist and the clown in IT have proved that they are just wrong. Clowns are bad and eveoooool.

When I was about 5 years old my mom thought it would be cute to dress in matching costumes. She chose the clown costume. The picture shows both of us smiling and I could have been happy. The pure clown hatred didn't show up until I was in my teens.

I was Pippy Longstockings one year. I had a wires stuck in my braids to make them stick out. I asked my mom for a horse just for that one day, but it had to be a white horse so I could paint the black polk-a-dots on him. I never got the horse.

After that I really didn't dress up for Halloween until I left my SW and moved back home and started the job I'm at now. The company decorates the office and we are "allowed" to dress up on the 31st. Since I started I have been the One-Eyed One-Horned Flying Purple People Eater (that costume was fun to put together but a pain to keep the horn and wings on during the day), I have been a devil (a couple of the guys really loved it), I was a spider queen, a gypsy, and the best costume of all was when I was pregnant with Harley. The kids and I had just watched the Little Vampire and there is a farm in the movie with some cows. The vampires feed off the cows so they are not killing the humans, because you know, they are good and decent vampires that just want to live normal, happy lives with their families.

I got this brillant idea in my head to be a vampiric cow that Halloween. While getting costumes for the kids I had seen a cow costume and thought with some makeup it would be hilarious. I got the cow costume, it was a generic cow look, white with black spots and the cow's udder was positioned right over my stomach. Once the whole costume was put together, with the outfit and the makeup, it was perfect. My pregnant belly made the udder stick out much further than it normally would have. I painted my face black, around my eyes white and I had fangs in with "blood" dripping from my mouth. I got so many laughs and had so much fun that day. Ethan and Emma were totally embarrassed by me, which is always a plus! hehe

This year is bringing a regular vampire. I'm just really not in the mood to think up something new, I'm not in the mood for Halloween at all. Hopefully by Monday I will be.

Thursday, October 27, 2005

Scotts way of apologizing to me was by sending me a text message on my cell. He never once brought it up when he picked me up from work. He acted as if nothing had happened.

Last night was bowling night and it was so much fun trying to put on a smiley face like I normally have. Our bowling partners don't need to know of our problems. I may share with the internet world but that is totally different. I don't know how, it just is.

So, according to him we are ok. Which we are ok but I want us to be good. Is that strange. My first marriage was just ok at its best.

I didn't mention it either. I figure when it gets to the point where I am totally stressed out, not sleeping at all, and my hair is totally gray he might then decide that I do need help with our finances.

He was asked to do a pick up for a couple of companies that required him to go to Albuquerque today. The job pays $100, you use their vehicle, and they pay for the gas and one meal. It could turn into a permanent part time job. That would be wonderful. I have tried to explain if we could bring in another couple hundred a month I would quit stressing. Especially since a large loan we had will be paid off in 2 months. That right there will help but for now the next two months, with Christmas and 2 birthdays coming, I'm feeling the stress.

When I went to bed last night I finished reading The Lake House by James Patterson and then lay there on my side staring at the clock for almost 3 hours before I drifted off. I am just too tired right now.

In other news, the kids mid-term report cards came home and both are getting A's and B's. YEA. Emma is always so worried about getting bad grades but she always does so good in school. Both kids got A's on those stupid landforms we did. I can only imagine what future projects will bring.

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Is it so wrong of my to try to talk about our finances with my husband? I don't think so, in fact, I think it is a very smart thing to do.Apparently my husband is now extremely angry at me because I tried to talk him about our finances again last night and asked if he had applied for any other jobs. He has applied at the city and the county offices for street mainteance or something he might be qualified for.He said no just drop it. I said ok. But, being the worrier and panicky person I am when it comes to being able to pay the bills I let him know there were a couple of bills I couldn't pay that we are going to have to try somehow to get caught up on.Right now my paycheck is the only income supporting 5 people. I am so stressed out I'm not sleeping good. I am grouchy, anxious, snippy, I feel like I am yelling at everyone for everything. I don't know what to do.When Scott was bringing me back to work after lunch today I asked him if he was upset with me for last nights conversation. He said yes he was. I apologized and then told him that he had upset me too because he has disregarded my feelings lately for most things, not just our finances, and I wish he would listen to me not ignore me or change the subject or walk away.I really need for him to understand that we are not going to make it on just my income right now. I don't know if that is going to happen anytime soon though.We were half way to work when he blew up and yelled at me and asked me what I wanted him to do. I asked him (in a very quiet voice) if he would just talk to me, don't tune me out and ignore me. That is really all I want right now. He kept on yelling and said he completely understands what I am saying and that is to get off his F**N Ass and get a job. I told him that NO that is not what I am saying. I just told you what I was saying, please just talk to me right now, don't ignore me.I know he has been depressed since he quit his delivery job. It was similar to UPS and he really loved it, seeing different people every day. He quit because he wanted to though. He was tired of the abuse from his employer. They treated all of their employees horribly and quite a few more quit after Scott left. I know he misses that job and I know that he wishes he had never quit. Before he did he kept asking what I thought and how I would feel if he were to quit and find another job. I told him what ever he decided I would support him. I told him that if he felt like he should quit than I would support him. I told him if he were to stay I would support him but it would ultimately have to be his decision because he was the one having to deal with the abuse.His answer to please don't tune me out was Fine, I'm leaving. I'll be out by the end of the week.WTFHow in the hell did he get me asking "please just talk to me" to "get out of the house and leave me"? I am in such shock right now I don't know what to do.I can't break down and cry like I feel like doing because I am at work and that wouldn't sound good to customers.When he dropped me off at work he took off before I had the car door closed.

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

What is sad is that I am a charter member of this church, and there are only 2 of us left, myself and my mom. The rest have trickled in throughout the years. I would hate to leave the church when I have put so much time and energy into it.

I literally didn't miss a Sunday for 13 years. I have helped as a nursery attendant, sung in the choir, helped with the toddler Sunday School class, helped serve food to the church members who built the church, and so many other things.

This past Sunday was only the 3rd Sunday we have been to church since Easter. Very bad I know.

When the church women see us eating at a restaurant or shopping somewhere they always make a big deal about how much they miss us and the kids really need to get back into Sunday School. The first Sunday back at church was the week after my granny passed away. Scott stayed home and the kids and I went. I felt the need to be close to my preacher that day and since it was Sunday it was a perfect time to be near him, hear his comforting words.I discovered that day that there are rumors circulating that I killed granny. Not in the literal sense but because I didn't rush her to the hospital the day one of the snottiest church women (snw) visited our house.I was coming back from Twin Falls, ID from picking up Ethan from my ex-husband, the shit weasel (SW) and Scott called me to say that this snw had just barged into the house, she just assumed that we had all gone to pick up Ethan, and when she saw Scott and Harley sitting there she just froze. Scott had asked her if he could help her and when she didn't answer him he asked who in the hell are you and why did you just walk into my house without knocking. She finally unfroze and asked Scott if she could say hello to granny. He said yes that is fine but in the future please knock on my front door.Scott said snw was back with granny for about 10 minutes and then came storming out and asked Scott why he hadn't taken her to the hospital when she had asked to go all morning. Scott told me that he informed her that granny hadn't asked once to go to the hospital and she wasn't sick she was pouting because mom and I were both out of the house. SNW became extremely aggressive towards Scott and yelled at him that she was going to go get our preacher and then call 911 to get granny. Scott told her if she did then he would turn the ambulance away at the door and make sure to forward any bill to her and if there was any problem with authorities for making a false call to 911 that this snw would be held accountable.SNW never called 911 but she did barge into our preachers home and insist that he do something about granny's horrible family. Preacher got mad at this snw for barging into his home and insisted she leave and he would give us a call.Since then snw called once a week until granny died asking if she was in the hospital yet. I finally had enough and told her she would be the last one to know if granny was in the hospital. Then I hung up.When granny died she insisted on taking care of the meal at her memorial service we had. This was after she threw a fit with the preacher that granny wasn't buried here because she would be buried in Minnesota. She insisted that it wasn't fair to the people who knew her here that she wouldn't be buried here. Preacher finally got it through snw's head that granny's funeral arrangements had been set up for years, since 1969 when my grandpa died, and she would be buried next to him up in Minnesota.At the memorial service snw showed me a list of all the people who had brought food in for the memorial. She proceeded to inform me, in front of 20 people, that this list is a testament to my granny and shows how many people loved her. I had to bite my tongue and hold my hands behind my back. I almost grabbed the list from her hand and ripped it up and told her that there were so many more people that loved my granny and no one needed to tell me about them. I figured that wasn't the best time to confront the cow.

Well, 2 Sundays ago and this past Sunday were the times we showed up for Church. And I admit the only reason we did was because I had signed the kids up to be acolytes. And yes, I did that to make myself get up on Sunday's to go to church.This past Sunday was Ethan's turn so I was in the back of the church with him to help him light the wick and keep him quiet until it was time for him to go. I was leaning against the door jamb when I hear the announcer, another snw, say that she was so glad to see Shannon and her husband in church this morning. I felt my face turn a bright red as, it felt like at least, the whole congregation turned to look at me. They went on with announcements when I didn't make any attempt at saying thank you. Snottiest snw kept staring at me. I stared her down until she turned back around. I have really never felt the need to commit an act of violence against another human being, well maybe my SW, but this snw brings out the worst in me. I cannot stand how snotty, rude, mean, inconsiderate, and shallow she is.

When Ethan was done lighting the candles we sat down and I decided to let Harley roam. Our church is relatively small and there are quite a few younger kids, right now Harley is the youngest. All during the service Harley ran up and down the side aisle we were sitting on and entertained himself. He was very quiet and didn't make much noise. Scott corralled him for a while during the prayers but other than the we let him run. Most of the other parents with young kids have done this and it has never bothered anyone before. Apparently when my kids do this it does bother snottiest snw.There was a time when he kept climbing up on the communion kneelers (Ok, I really can't remember their names), they are at the front of our church and they are there for people to kneel on them to pray or when we have communion. He would climb up on one and just sit there and look at every one and wave and say See Ya and Puppy over and over again. This tickled my MIL. She sat there with her bulletin covering her face because she was laughing so hard. Her shoulders were shaking and she kept sliding over and leaning on my FIL. This made the rest of the family crack up, the preacher kept glancing at us and grinning. Emma finally got Harley and took him back to the nursery and played with him for a while.

When the service ended we all walked outside and I heard snottiest snw commenting about what a bad influence we were on our young children and not everyone should be allowed to have kids. Me, being the wonderful, forgiving Christian woman I am (ahhahahahahhaha, sorry, just tickled myself) flipped the cow bitch off as we drove away.

We probably won't be going back to that church. We had already signed up to help with the Halloween party this Saturday and I will help with that as promised but no more.

I don't see why I should subject my family to hypocritical people who insist that I am a bad mom and I was negligent in my care for my grandma. In the past few months I have discovered what most of the church members are really like and discovered that I don't like them. I really don't see how they can call themselves good Christians.

Monday, October 24, 2005

It is a great time waster at work. I should be studying my manager's course but I'm not. I am goofing off and taking stupid quizzes meant for teeny boppers. But some of them are fun

The weekend was ok. Emma's soccer team won, 5-3. Only one more game to go and then we are done for a few months. I stuck my foot in my mouth and as of January 1st I am the secretary for our local soccer organization. I am still in shock. I should never open my mouth at meetings outside of work. I was the mother who swore her kid wouldn't play soccer because of the demonic soccer moms I met when I lived in Washington State. Some of them were just outrageous, berating their 4 year old kid for missing the goal or not running fast enough or accidentally going the wrong way. I made the mistake of asking one mom why she was so harsh and the cow bitch went off on me.

Thankfully the soccer moms I have met so far are nothing like that. We are a mixture of working moms and stay at home moms. We all have the same complaints about the same things, at home, work, or soccer. Our complaint is that if we are going to pay money and buy uniforms for these 8 & 9 year olds to play then they could at least try. Last season they won all but 1 game and that was a tie. This season they have won 3 games, lost 3, and tied 1. They just aren't trying this time.

Oh well, they are all having fun. And it is time to go to soccer practice now.

You have the power to persuade and influence others.You're the type of person who can turn a whole room around.The potential for great leadership is there, as long as you don't abuse it.Always remember, you have a lot more power over people than you might think!

You have a dreamy mind, full of fancy and fantasy.You have the ability to stay forever entertained with your thoughts.People may say you're hard to read, but that's because you're so internally focused.But when you do share what you're thinking, people are impressed with your imagination.

You're an expressive, offbeat blogger who tends to write about anything and everything.You tend to set blogging trends, and you're the most likely to write your own meme or survey.You are a bit distant though. Your blog is all about you - not what anyone else has to say.

Friday, October 21, 2005

This weeks Theme Friday over at HeartSongs is Birthdays. A good birthday, bad one, crazy one, whatever. Post on it.

Well, I really don't know what birthday to post on.

I have a vague memory of going to Minnesota over the summer of my 5th birthday and it snowed. My birthday is July 3rd. But I don't remember anything else, not even the flight up there.

I remember that I finally got to get my ears pierced on my 13th birthday. Oh, and I could start shaving my legs. That was almost as big as the ear piercing.

My 16th birthday was my first boy/girl party. But it was no big deal, not sure why.

I didn't get drunk on my 21st birthday and I don't know why. I was living in Novato California, still a newly wed with my now ex-husband (SW for future reference), and my mom was visiting. I had a glass of wine and that is it.

I was pregnant on my 22nd birthday so I still didn't get drunk.

I did get plastered last year on my birthday. We had family and friends over and watched the town's fire works show from our backyard. We started our with Mudslides and Margaritas and progressed on to jello shots.

This past year we spent my birthday with my relatives in Mesa AZ. We had just spent 2 very long days at Disneyland and California Adventure. We had lunch at Macaroni Grill, which is absolutely amazing, and my aunt and I had a great time flirting with our gorgeous waiter.

I think my most memorable birthday is the year I met my husband Scott. We had dated for only 3 weeks when my birthday rolled around. Mom, the kids and I had plans to go to Mesa AZ for a week before I met him. We went ahead and went to Mesa and Scott said he would just stay home and relax. We had gone out almost every night from the day we met. We were pretty inseparable. The night before we left Scott met me at work to give me an early birthday present.

I tore off the wrapping to find a jewelry box. I was shocked. I had never received jewelry as a present. He had picked out a pair of diamond earrings. They were simple but I still loved them. I rarely take them out of my ears.

The night of my birthday we went to Macaroni Grill. The whole family went and the poor staff had to put up with 25 rowdy people. I had one drink that night, their leaning tower drink. It has champagne, peach schnapps, and I don't know what other kind of alcohol in it but it was good. And big. And Strong.

If you have your birthday dinner at this particular Macaroni Grill and the right waiter is there, he will sing Happy Birthday to you. In operatic Italian.

The night we went the right waiter was there and he sang to me. Oh My God. If I could have taken him home with me and had him sing for me every night I would have. Not only did he have a gorgeous voice but HE was just gorgeous. I had Scott at home waiting for me. I love him even though he can't sing. He just can't carry a tune to save his life.

I will always remember that gorgeous waiter singing just to me that night. Even if it was just Happy Birthday. It was in a different language and if I hadn't known what he was singing I would have thought it was just some beautiful love song. All I wanted to do was melt into a puddle at his feet and proclaim my undying love to him as long as he would sing for me.

Thursday, October 20, 2005

I had a journal at poohfreak73.bravejournal.com and for some reason I haven't been able to post to my site. I can access it and then as soon as I click to manage my journal I am automatically logged out. I have asked for support from bravenet and have done everything they have requested but it hasn't fixed anything. I don't really think it is my computer though. This happens on every single computer I use to try to update.