Who talks like this? #ScandalFinale's 8 craziest lines

2014-04-18T11:17:00.000Z

Maria Elena Fernandez and Phil Helsel

TODAY

share

tweet

pin

email

"Scandal's" third season finale on Thursday delivered the whiplash-inducing twist and turns viewers have come to expect. There was a bombing, an unexpected death (yes, another one), possibly one more, deep dark secrets revealed, a re-election, more lies told, sex between lunatics, the return of The Hole, and two major players skipped town.

Grown people said things like: "I want us to stand in the sun together," "We went over a cliff for you!" and there was also the return of "I'll make jam." Of course, there were plenty of panic-attack-filled monologues, too.

Here are our favorite eight in order of preference:

Ron Tom / Today

Kerry Washington and Scott Foley in a scene in the third season finale of "Scandal."

1. "This is not a pity party. This is me doing what I do best. I’m handling this. I’m fixing this. I have been over every option. I have looked at it from every angle. And I have hoped and prayed that I was wrong. I have tried to pretend that I didn't know what the answer is. But I do. So now it’s time for me to stand in my truth. It’s me. I'm the thing that needs to be fixed. I'm the thing that needs to be handled. I'm the scandal and the best thing to do with a scandal is to shut it down." — Olivia to Jake, explaining why she's leaving on a jet plane and doesn't know when she'll be back again.

2. "It’s good to be dead. It’s good for me to be dead. I have a good life now and my family has a good life now. No one is lying to them. No is torturing people all day and then coming home and pretending to be normal. No one is hunting them trying to get me. No one is trying to kill them. They are safe. It’s better for them. Starting over. Starting fresh is better for me. I get to be someone else. Someone new. Me leaving them behind, that was the best thing that’s ever happened to them." — Huck to Olivia on why he won't try to be reunited with his family.

3. "I did this for you. All of it.... That hurt you. He used you and he will throw you away when he’s done with you. I just wanted to give you the chance to be free, to be happy." — Mama Pope to Olivia, explaining why she's trying to kill the president.

4. "This is it, Sally. This is your Pearl Harbor, your 9/11, your act of God; this is your time.... Be Jesus. You go in there and you be Jesus." — Leo Bergen as motivational speaker to Sally Langston after the bombing.

5. "I'm looking at a split screen. Why the hell am I looking at a split screen? ... This is a national crisis. You don’t put the president of the United States on a split screen.... A split screen makes him look like a talking head on a Sunday morning news show." — Olivia, focusing on the important things with the press after the bombing.

6. "You can’t do it yourself. Not you. Or Homeland Security. Or the FBI. Official channels means official remedies. None of which will give you what you want. You’re not looking for justice, Mr. President. You’re looking for a head served on a platter." — Joe Morton to President Fitzgerald about exacting revenge for the death of you-know-who.

7. "My mother blew up the church that’s costing you your presidency. I shouldn't be there.... Its OK. Vermont’s not happening. I understand. You can't leave her now. I wouldn't want you if knowing what you know you left her now." — Olivia explaining to Fitz for the thousandth time why she knows she will never make jam in Vermont.

8. "Were we ever people or did serving at the pleasure of the president just help us shed our pesky skins and unmask us as the monsters we really are?" — Cyrus to Olivia. Self-explanatory.