Vague meanderings from an addled brain…

Archive for September, 2016

I struggle, at times, with depression and anxiety. Most of the time I can cope with medication, relaxation, proper diet, exercise and rest. Lately I’ve been feeling a bit overwhelmed, and it’s completely understandable why I’m feeling this way.

On Friday I’m having surgery. For the second time in my life I will go under general anesthetic. I’m not afraid of the surgery. The surgeon has reassured me that he anticipates the procedure will go well. The procedures I’m having are minor, taking 20 minutes in total. The anesthesiologist has reassured me that all shall be well. She asked if I was nervous and I said I wasn’t and smiled. She asked why I was smiling and I replied “if things don’t go well, it won’t be my problem…it will be yours. As you’ll get to tell my congregation”. And we both laughed.

What I fear is the unknown. Which is truly a silly thing to fear. And I participate in mental gymnastics…what if I get an infection…what if it takes me hours to come out of the anesthetic…what if something goes wrong? All legitimate questions, all with unknown answers. Try to explain that to my anxiety.

I’m not worried about the congregation. My Wardens and Licensed Lay Ministers will take care of everything in the parish. My Regional Dean will look after any pastoral emergencies. And still my innards flutter.

So, between now and Thursday morning when I find out the actual time of the surgery I will keep myself busy, which isn’t difficult to do. The difficult part is remembering to take time to breathe, to care for myself…to do everything I can to release the anxiety I feel.

I’m staying with a good friend in the community where I’m having the surgery to make sure that I properly rest and don’t overdo things. Left to my own devices I would push myself too hard and too soon. I’m told it will be approximately 10 days before I can return to work…I’m giving myself 14 days. And I fully anticipate returning to work at a bit slower pace then I am maintaining right now.

If you are a person who prays, I ask for your prayers for myself, and also for the doctor’s, nurses and support staff who will take care of me through the surgery. I ask for your prayers for those who will care for me after the surgery until I am able to care for myself.

This is a first for me…the small town where I live is hosting an even that hasn’t been hosted in a long time. Chautauqua.

It’s a cool word to say…say it with me SHAW-TA-KWA. Neat, eh?

It’s an Iroquois word that literally means, bag tied in the middle or two moccasins tied together. It also means “fish removed from here”. Neat, eh?

Chautauqua became an early 20th century movement of adult education with traveling shows with actors, soothsayers, revival tent meetings, traveling around North America.

Our beloved small town is going to hearken to history and enjoy an incredible presentation of local artists, writers, historians. The downtown buildings will be open to the public, including downtown Churches. We will have volunteers on hand to share the history of our beloved Church, including it’s survival after two fires.

Sunday there is a special Chautauqua service with all local churches participating. I’ve been asked to provide the Children’s story which I’m really excited about. More and more I realise that this little community owns my heart…this place has become my home.

I’m loving being part of this community and all the joys of living here. I can walk most of the places I need to go to. When I walk I can see familiar faces.

Last night I attended a pasta supper at the Church next door. I had such fun seeing people I’ve not seen over the summer as well as those I’ve seen periodically. While I’m not of Italian heritage, I learned a lot about the Italian heritage and history of Fernie.

The struggle for me, will be taking time for myself to be quiet. While I enjoyed the dinner party, I was exhausted by the time I got home. I feel as though I am juggling many balls right now and while I love what I do, I have a tendency to overdo. Hopefully, not this weekend.

I’m planning to pace myself, go to bed early and eat well. I’ve taken two short walks today and I think as the day goes on I will take a couple more. It’s been awesome watching the tents go up, the tables and chairs set up, the bleachers built. For the next 3 days this place will be a bustle of activity. It’s going to be awesome. And memorable.

And I suspect as soon as the chairs and tables are put away, the bleachers taken down and tents disbursed, the community will take a deep breath and start planning for next year.