Baldwin pedaled against traffic for a roughly a block on East 10th Street and Broadway, near his home on Thursday morning.He then rode on the sidewalk — which is also against street rules — and narrowly missed a pedestrian.

Wow, this guy's incorrigible!

There's just no corriging him.

I was particularly amused by the caption in which he's accused of "nearly hitting a woman," since the woman pictured looks totally unfazed--but then I brought the photo to the BSNYC Image Enhancement Lab, where my specialists discovered a second woman, as well as some other telltale clues:

As you can see, the second woman has her hand to her head, and it's unclear as to whether she's expressing shock over a near-death experience, or very excited to have just spotted a celebrity, or both.

Moreover, Baldwin himself is clutching both a smartphone and a coffee, leaving him with no visible means by which to actuate the brakes. I'm not sure how he plans to stop, though my two leading theories are:

1) He doesn't;

and

2) Should braking become necessary he will quickly transfer the smartphone to his mouth.

I have actually done the second one, and I can report that it works, though not very well.

Anyway, it's clear we should all give thanks for every day we're not killed by a runaway Alec Baldwin, but I'm extremely disappointed that the Post missed a great opportunity to also accuse Baldwin of nearly killing a baby:

Come on! The first rule of fear-mongering is always "invoke the baby!" I guess the Post must not have an Image Enhancement Lab. Sure, it cost me $25,000, but it's already paying for itself.

The officer arrested the man for investigation of obstructing an officer and possession of drug paraphernalia after spotting two bicyclists riding without helmets at about 7 p.m. April 26 along 104th Avenue Southeast near Southeast 240th Street, according to the police report. City law requires bicyclists to wear helmets.The officer pulled his patrol vehicle into a parking lot to stop the two bicyclists for not wearing helmets. One of the bicyclists stopped, the other one pedaled away.

That's when the officer tasered the helmentless cyclist for his own protection:

The officer again yelled at the man to stop but the bicyclist kept going. The officer then pulled out his Taser and shot the man with a dart. The man fell off the bike. Police ordered the man to stay on the ground. A second officer arrived and the two handcuffed the man.

Good thing he did, too, because the bicyclist turned out to be a drug cartel kingpin:

Police transported the man to the city jail. Officers searched his backpack and found a syringe as well as a glass smoking pipe, which the officer noted often is used to smoke meth or crack cocaine.Officers did not re-contact the first bicyclist.

Wow. Some people get elected Mayor of Toronto for that.

I can't believe we're not winning this "drug war" thing.

In any case, if you didn't already know, this story makes it pretty clear that helment laws are mostly a pretense designed to make it easier for police to stop and detain undesirables.

SANTA BARBARA, California (VN) — Taylor Phinney’s talent has long been evident. He won a junior world time trial title at age 17, and he is the son of not one, but two, former professional cyclists — Davis Phinney and Connie Carpenter. All the same, Thursday’s victory into Santa Barbara at the Amgen Tour of California was only the second time Phinney has won a road stage in the pro ranks.

"Magical?" Hey, it's great that he won and all, but I'd just like to remind everybody it's a stage in the Tour of California, whose greatest champion is Levi Leipheimer, so let's keep things in perspective. Plus, everybody knows pro cycling wins in America don't count, unless they hold the Worlds here or something. You're supposed to do it in Europe. Winning a bike race in America is like the handjob you got while you were away at summer camp: sure it felt good, but nobody's impressed.

Lastly, are you missing a garden-variety Brooklyn-style fixie? Well, a reader tells me you may have locked it to someone else's garden-variety Brooklyn-style fixie:

You locked your bike to mine (Champs)Are you the asshole that locked your bike to mine last Friday? Well I have your bike. I cut your lock off, and I'd like you to come and get it.A couple things though, not only did you waste a a few hours of my night asking around of who's bike it was, waiting, and then figuring out logistics of what to do in such an unheard of situation when I had plans to leave New York the next morning, your bike and lock scratched the shit out of my frame, fork, and stem. That's a $900 frameset and a $110 stem. That's usually why I look for solo parking. To protect my investment, not to let dickheads I don't know lock their bikes to mine.Shoot me an email please. I'm not a dick, and I want to get your bike back to you. No one deserves having their bike taken away from them.

Actually, gratuitously mentioning the cost of your frame and stem is pretty dickish, especially when the bike you're bragging about is a beer can Bianchi. I can only imagine what would happen if someone were to spill coffee on this guy at Starbucks. "You stained my sweater! It cost $39, I got it at the Gap!" It's basically the "I drive a Dodge Stratus!" syndrome.

This is not to defend locking your bike to someone else's, and if someone did that to me I'd leave the offending bicycle somewhere it was sure to be stolen. It's just that, in this particular case, I think these two may deserve each other.

Hahaha! Mr Stanley Roberts is one of my favorite things on TV, he regularly stakes out intersections and catches people abusing carpool lanes and using cell phones while driving and illegally dumping old mattresses on Oakland streets (wait, you can't do that?).

The t-shirt (just what I need - another cycling t-shirt, right?) - is a light red - not quite Salmon (enough with the salmon). The front is very understated. The back has the usual phallic (Washington Monument) and titty (Capitol dome), with two things that could be hairy testies, or cherry trees.

If I were smart I would have immediately used it to wipe all the wet road grime of my precious bikecycle.

"Street rules!" Sounds like how you might refer to "traffic laws" when you're talking to your 5-year-old. Which is basically how the media think of us, so.

"I am not a dick"... "Methinks thou dost protest too much." (Billy "T.P.S.L.A." Shakespeare) I guess he thinks recovering your damages by simply selling the offending article that was negligently attached to your property, is somehow more dicky than writing some whiny public thing on craigslist.

No complementary tshirts here in JohnnyMazelville (We've already been renamed). Lots of coffee at the "energizer" stations. There was some Chef types downtown cooking omlettes for riders. 40F temps kept the freezebabys in their cars.

I am a bicyclist. I am not a cyclist because that includes "Crotch Rocket" goons who beat up people in cars (damn that occurred in the NYC Metropolitan area) fat guys on "Hogs" and other elitists, including "Freds." You ever see "Fred" without a helmet! Not often. So guess who legislated for helmets: The fat guy on the Hog, no way; crotch rocket thug, probably not. That leaves all those "Freds" out there, who believe that the rest of us are stupid and should act the way they do, because of they are superior. Get a "Fred" judge on your side or elect "Fred" politicians and wala, you have poor cops enforcing ridiculous laws which, trust me, they really don't want to enforce. But if a "Fred" out there sees a cop not enforcing the helmet law, he or she calls aforementioned judge or politician, and the poor police chief is front and center explaining why his or her officers are not saving lives by enforcing the law.

I miss Rob Ford being in the news, he really put Canada on the world stage. I'm sure when he gets out of rehab things will pick up once again. Now if Justin Trudeau could be caught riding sans helmet whilst clubbing a baby Harper seal to death then that would put Canada back on page one!

What do we suppose the end result would be if the helmetless bicyclist tasered by a cop were to fall to the ground convulsing and then split his head open?

Also, s'funny -- someone locked their bike up to mine on Atlantic Ave. the other day, first time that's ever happened. (Luckily, I was too preoccupied drinking and watching baseball inside the bar that they had gone before I intended too.) But seriously, wtf.

OK so back to ALEC Noun-Verb-win - he is brilliant - now instead of the poparazzi chasing his wife and kids, they are distracted by his stupid golf visor on a bike - he is like a colorful male mallard distracting attention away from his drab colored hen and her nest full of chicks.

"Do you know who he is" is just a brilliant tactic.

Or maybe he is just a spoiled duchawallalalalalalala - whatever - at least he is out bikecycling instead of Hummer noun-verbing.

That paragon of journalistic excellence, the New York Post's Page Six, calls Alec Baldwin the Bloviator. Maybe they'll change his title to the Salmonator. Wildcat, we desperately need coinage for a sidewalk cyclist.

Dear, Dance on Pedals, I guess it depends on who (or is it whom) you ask. "cy·cling (sī′klĭng) n. The act, sport, or technique of riding or racing on a bicycle, motorcycle, or similar vehicle. adj. Relating to or used in cycling. cy ...." According to the "Free Dictionary ." I suppose you get what you pay for.

Dear, Vernal Magina, it depends on whether or not he or she had drugs and/or paraphernalia in his or her backpack. I mean really, run from a cop who wants to, at worst, ticket you for not wearing a helmet! In liberal, fucking, Washington. Please.......

$900 fixie frame and $110 stem?!? What does he think this, 2007? When you can buy an entire fixie at Wal-Mart for pocket change (literally) that is, everybody knows that the frame and stem of that aggrieved CraigsList poster aren't worth a tenth of that.

$900 fixie frame and $110 stem?!? What does he think this, 2007? When you can buy an entire fixie at Wal-Mart for pocket change (literally) that is in every way the equivalent to the $900 fixie frame and $110 stem of the aggrieved CraigsList poster, everybody knows that his shit isn't worth a tenth of that.

JLRB and FOS:I am president of the Nationals Club of the Midwest. Go Nats.Snob: you had a good week. Thanks.Kenny: if you don't have a good excuse for not telling us what's in that box you are dead to us.

Well bless your heart, Deadly. Thank you, and you should know that all thoughts of pleasure and passion sent my way are most welcome. Sometimes I feel little frissions of pleasure run through me like a wave, a shudder. It happens suddenly, out of the blue. Maybe it's cause of people like you, thinking of people like me.

Kundalini yoga makes me believe in sexy chi, and life has led me to believe that anything is possible.

Did you know flounders are hatched with eyes on both sides of their heads, and then as they grow one eye slides around and joins the other - some become right sided flounders and others are lefties?

I had to read about that stupid fish eye thing for some standardized reading comprehension test a million moons ago, when I was hung over as dog balls, but for some reason that factoid is stuck with me for eternity.

"Winning a bike race in America is like the handjob you got while you were away at summer camp: sure it felt good, but nobody's impressed." Or the BJ you got in HS from the captain of the cheerleaders. You thought it was great until you saw Deep Throat. Then you realized it was like winning a stage of the Tour of California.

I must comment on the indignity of putting on wet Fred Cycle shoes for the return trip after a wet bikecycle commute to work.

AND, I must return DB's Go nats, because the Lego Movie says to be popular you must root for the local sportsing team (and 'cause I do like the team - hoping for big things out of Harper when he gets healthy) EVERYTHING IS AWESOME

JLRB:My best friend has season tickets behind George Will on the first base line. I fly out for 5-6 games a year.Otherwise, it's MLB TV every night.You New Yorkers may want to change allegiance to the Mets as they will be better than the Yankees for the next several years.

YO Snob you are so spot on about US Road bicycle cycle racing being an intense cauldron of non-fun. I just dooded a Cat 5 in the Land between the Lakes, the Espinazo Del Diablo, and the USAC bitch on the BMW yelled at me in the race and also got onto me after the finish. I went 6 ft with my helmeant on the hood and she had a coronary and threatened to fine me TWENTY FIVE DOLLARS. I did not give much more than that for the lid.

Ummm there are 5 categories in competitive road cycleen. 5 being the slowest IN THEORY BUT THEM FUCKERS ARE STRONG. I was up front for a while then flatted. 36 miles and 3000+ feet of climbing so I cruised on and basically paid $1.25 a mile to ride a road 30 miles from my house lol. My healmeant was hanging on my shifter hood. BIG MISTAKE. I was close to callin her a name but I want to do the White Lightening MTB race in June so I kept my mouth shut since she is a USAC official. I been chewed out before its no big deal.

Hello, dear Bikesnobnyc not from Dubrovnyc! It's me, Vlad from Bucharest! Just writting to tell you that, in Romania, it's already monday afternoon and there's no bike snob new post to read. I realise that in America it's still early in the day, and that probably, as I heard you do in America, you have one of those fancy 9-to-5 working hours, not 6-to-midnight like here, but still, you do have a lot of readers from abroad who don't have anything else to look for on a Monday afternoon, and really depend on your blog updates! I know that getting up earlier just to write a new post would be to much to ask, but you could program your blogpost to post on Monday morning an update that your wrote earlier. It would be like having a buffer of 10-20 pre-writen posts.

Bah! I know, even that would be asking too much, I know. I shall simply browse older posts, as per usual, in the meantime. Good luck to you, M. Bikesnobnyc!

hello America, it is I, Georg Festrunk..my brother Yortuk & I follow bikesnobs nyc all the way in Bratislava...we enjoy your lady bikers with their big American breasts...and can't hardly wait for next installment...don't worry....we've read many blogs worse than yours

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About Me

While I love cycling and embrace it in all its forms, I'm also extremely critical. So I present to you my venting for your amusement and betterment. No offense meant to the critiqued. Always keep riding!