Monday, October 4, 2010

On traveling with kids

Torsten and I keep a list, a mental one, of places we'd like to travel. It includes... well, most places, really. Toward the top of the list are Japan and Thailand, Antarctica, Australia and New Zealand, southern Africa, Dubai, and Hawaii.

Of course there are less expensive/exotic places that we'd like to go. One year we want to buy the America the Beautiful pass and check out several of the amazing national parks within driving distance of here--including Yellowstone and Grand Teton, Badlands, and Bryce Canyon. We want to go pretty much everywhere in California--the Bay Area and also the southern California beaches. We love Chicago and want to go back there when there's no risk of a snowstorm. Torsten has never been to New Orleans. We want to take a train ride through the Canadian Rockies. The list goes on.

Every time we think of somewhere we'd like to go, we add it to our mental list and say we'll get there eventually. And I believe we will, truly.

But, you know, with Piglet's arrival pending in about three and a half months, and the ultimate plan for a second kid a few years after that, our traveling is going to be quite different for the foreseeable future. Say we have two kids, three years apart--that means we'll have a baby or a toddler or both for the next six years.

The location of our families alone means that we will definitely be the kind of family that travels with young kids. We are thinking we'll go to Germany with Piglet in 2012, since Torsten's parents will be coming to us after he's born in 2011, and I'm hoping to tack on a few days with my host family and friends in France to that trip (bonus: my host sister is also pregnant and due a month before me, and I'd really like the kids to meet before they're in elementary school). And certainly Piglet will have his first trip on a plane before he's a year old--whether to DC, North Carolina, or both.

But we'd like to do some non-family-related traveling, too. A lot of that depends of course on finances and on Torsten's workload, but assuming that those things become manageable in 2011 (knock on wood), we could theoretically afford our first vacation in quite some time. If we do go somewhere, it will probably be quite a modest, unambitious trip somewhere nearby and baby-friendly (maybe a rented mountain cabin?). We need to ease into the whole traveling-as-parents thing, for sure.

But there is a balance to be struck--we aren't going to hold off on traveling until both kids are old enough to truly revel in and remember everything, because even if they don't remember some of their early trips, that doesn't mean they won't enjoy them and learn from them, but at the same time there are some things that older kids just genuinely would enjoy more than little kids, and hence our trips will have to be selected carefully. State parks and Chicago? Seem quite doable. Dubai? Maybe not so much.

But also, it is a little shocking to realize that we are probably not going to have "babymoon," pre-kid vacation, etc. We often talk about how nice it would be to repeat our honeymoon, go to some tropical resort and just lie around for two weeks. And, you know, with kids? Even older ones? Even if we went to a tropical all-inclusive resort, it wouldn't exactly be spent sleeping and lounging for two weeks.

And that's fine! Better than fine, really. Kids definitely change things, but not necessarily for the worse. We might not get all the sleeping and lounging time we'd take if it were just the two of us, but as a trade-off we get time with our kids and get to see them on vacation and show them new things and enjoy watching them have fun in new places. And that seems like a totally worthwhile tradeoff to me.

And also, I know that my parents would be more than willing to stay with our kid(s) if we did ever want or need to take an adults-only trip. And it is lovely to know that. But I can't see doing that when Piglet is really young. So it will be at least a couple of years before we have a vacation that's just the two of us again. And sometimes that feels like a really long time. But then I think about all the fun stuff, traveling included, that we plan to do with Piglet in the next couple of years, and it stops bothering me so much. We want and need to raise a kids for whom traveling is a part of life, and that's what we plan to do.

What about you? Those of you who have kids, how have they affected your traveling? Have you stopped altogether, changed the trips that you do, or just brought them along with you everywhere? Any tips on making the most out of traveling with kids?

26 comments:

Well, we schlepped our oldest everywhere with us. We even went on an month long vacation in Thailand and Singapore when he was 1. With the two of them (bearing in mind she's only 1 and he is 4) we've been to Denmark, Sweden, and Cyprus with both of them. Kids aren't that hard to bring along. And we're probably going to Florida for 10 days in January too... so we have not travelled less after we had kids. I think it has to do with expectations. We don't expect peace and quiet on vaca anymore, pick hotels and places that are first and foremost kid friendly and so on and so forth. We've never had any problems with airtravel so I say. Travel! Take the kids along and every once in a while- go somewhere alone with the hubby :)

First of all, I have to say that I think what you feel like you can do (and are able to do) with kids regarding travel (and being out in public, period) has SO much to do with the kid's personality. It is easy for me to say "We take James everywhere with us! It's easy to travel with a baby," but in reality a huge part of that is because he's such a well-tempered baby. Some kids are not like that, so I can't say if we would do as much if we had a baby that (for instance) screamed every time you put him/her in the car. That being said, we still travel as much as we did before he was born. We don't do much travel that includes flying, though, so so far we haven't flown with him. But 5+ hour car rides, definitely. And if we could afford to travel further we would. I totally agree with Emblita; it's about expectations. You set your expectations for vacation (and the traveling itself) differently when you have kids. I don't want to say "expect the worst," but that's kind of it. You expect not to get much sleep, and that the baby will be fussy because he's not in his home environment, and then if he's not, or if you get plenty of sleep it's a happy surprise.

We didn't travel at all until our son was 2, but we always bring him wherever we travel.

About half of the parents we know also travel without their children, leaving them with grandparents and the like, which is fine for them, but personally I disagree with that.

My feeling is that we had out chance to travel on our own before our son was born, and we'll have that chance again after he's grown, but this is a time for family trips. That opportunity is only there for so many years, and I want to take advantage of it. I also feel that if we have the means (financial and time off) to have a trip, we should share it with our son.

Even if we went to a tropical all-inclusive resort, it wouldn't exactly be spent sleeping and lounging for two weeks. --- so true. lol

Let's see - it's been... almost 7 years since D and I took a vacation together without kids. I expect it to be at least a couple more till it happens again, quite possibly longer. We don't live near any family. Our kids have traveled thousands upon thousands of miles in the car and, much more infrequently, in the air. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's really terrible, but it's definitely do-able. It does depend on your baby's temperament. (My 2nd child hated the car seat for nearly the first year. it was awful.) It also gets harder if you're playing zone defense instead of man to man. (i.e. the kids outnumber you. hehe)

We've gotten away to the mountains twice with Tommy, but no air travel yet (would have over labor day, but we were otherwise engaged that weekend). We usually take one big trip a year - and maybe a weekend trip here or there. Most of those will be with kids, but I totally intend to do a weekend each year with just B. 2011 is a big road trip, so I think we'll make it to DC or Florida to see some of B's family and work in a weekend away for the two of us around Tommy's first birthday (maybe for our anniversary).

We have plans for Paris for our 5th anniversary, and however many kids we have then will stay with my parents.

We traveled a lot when the kids were really small--New Zealand & Ireland, plus lots of stateside trips. The kids got less out of it, but they flew cheap. Now that both kids require full fares, our travel plans have gotten temporarily less ambitious. We even nixed a trip over the summer because it would have cost almost $5000 in airfare alone--I'm still kind of sad about that. Our lives are also busier. I'm starting to realize that in order to travel with kids the way I've always dreamed, both Mike and I are going to have to get a lot more deliberate about the process, and a lot more proactive about planning ahead (like waaay ahead).

We're doing our MUST SEE stuff now - because we know that moving home, building the house, hopefully adding kids to the mixture later & Australia being SO FAR AWAY from everything - well, we'll probably only travel close to home for a while yet.

When you have grandparents living far away, I think it becomes almost necessary to have a vision of traveling with kids. I can't imagine NOT going to see my family when Grasshopper arrives ... in fact, I'm already thinking about spending a week in Boston at some point during my maternity leave. I grew up traveling to see my grandparents and a genuinely wonderful relationship with them blossomed. I can only hope for the same with my kids ... whether we visit them at one of their homes or all meet somewhere for a big family vacation. And I also forsee taking a few (though not many) vacations with Sweets where we leave Grasshopper with the grandparents. Though, some might argue it's not our time to be selfish, I'd argue it's a wonderful opportunity for grandparents to spend time with their grandchildren. I cannot wait!

Our traveling hasn't changed too, too much in that we live 8 hours away from family/frieds, so we drove that far to see them prior to having kids, and now we drive that far to see them WITH kids.

We don't visit family/friends as often as we used to since some priorities have changed and the gas money to go on an 8 hour trip isn't necessarily the tops on our budget. (And we keep hoping those folks will take their paid vacations and higher-paid salaries and come and visit US for once.)

We have been trying to take more trips as a family that are NOT just to go see family. But we still don't quite have the dough for vacations requiring flights ("Tickets to Florida are cheap!" folks say. Yes, but multiply that by FIVE!) This is the first year in MANY that we've gone just as a family to someplace somewhat nice (Ocean City, NJ!).

Anyway, yes, we have traveled quite a lot with children and have never gone anywhere just the two of us. We make do with all the lack of sleep, lack of space (when staying with relatives, mostly), lack of PERSONAL space (even in hotel suites!), and just general whining/complaining/exhaustion... and just DO it. It's doable.

That being said, only once have I ever been on a plane with an infant. My first was six months old when I flew to OK City with her to visit my ailing Grandmother. The flight out was FINE. The flight back, I was one of THOSE mothers with the baby who would NOT. STOP. CRYING. It was embarrassing and unpleasant, and I felt so bad for those other passengers, but I knew I couldn't change a THING about it, so I just DID it knowing full well I would NEVER see these other people again in my life.

You can't plan for everything, and you're a fool if you try. Just enjoy what you can, and get through the rest!

I absolutely think you and Torsten should take vacations alone, at least once per year. Having a baby does not mean giving up your sense of self or the two of you as a couple, and I think it's really sad when parents forget that they need time alone to recharge too. When I was little, I often spent overnights with my grandparents, and I LOVED every minute of it. It was vacation for me too! Those are some of my fondest memories.

Even if you decide not to take any trips without the baby for a while, it may still be nice to take a weekend off and give the baby some time alone with his grandparents.

Having a baby has definitely changed our traveling. We still take car trips to see our families, but the one vacation we took recently was HARD. He's a pretty easy kid, but we had to pick a hotel that had 2 rooms because B won't sleep if we're in the same room as him. And we had to eat at weird times. And we were in for the night at like 8 so that B could go to sleep. Plus, I think I was more tired after our vacation than before because taking care of him at home is just easier than in a hotel room. It wasn't bad, and I'm glad we did it, but it was definitely different. It's cool to see that other people manage it so well, and maybe you will have those kinds of experiences or be able to handle all the kid wrangling with more ease than I did. =)

It allllll depends on the personality of the kid, so this is really a tough thing to imagine until your'e in it. At least it was for me, because Sam was so difficult to get to sleep anywhere but home, and now she needs a separate room, blah blah blah. It gets easier, and it all depends on so many things.

And Tia, it's really not that sad, and leaving your kid when they're teeny tiny is a lot harder than it looks from the outside. I'm guessing you don't have kids.

I don't have kids, so this comes from my experience as a child instead. My mom, and my grandparents, were HUGE proponents of the family car trip. When I was really young, that mostly meant going to visit family, who lived anywhere from an hour to 16 hours away. We almost always drove. Once I was older, starting around age 9 or 10, we took family car vacations to just about everywhere. Kentucky was home base, and we travelled as far as the Rockies to the West, and as far as Pennsylvania and the Dakotas to the north, and all the way to the Gulf on the south. We visited many of the national parks, and I have great memories. It was also the only time I wasn't encouraged to read...because "you may never get a chance to see this again." That got old in the midwest and its miles and miles of corn, but beyond that, it was invaluable. It also meant that by the time I graduated from college, I had seen 46 of the 50 states. By the time I was 31, I'd gotten them all in. The flip side, however, was that I'd done no international travel to speak of (besides parts of Canada), until just recently. And I'm making up for lost time now! But car trips are special and provide lasting memories.

as someone with no kids so i'm speaking entirely out of my ass, i think you should totally go on lots of vacations w/piglet and his future siblings :) my parents rarely took me & my sister on vacations involving flights, but then again now that they're empty nesters they STILL don't take many vacations involving flying... so i don't think it was that having kids cramped their travel style; they just prefer car trips. and as a result my sister and i have been ALL up & down the east coast with loads of very fun childhood vacation memories :)

We travel with our kids, mostly to South Dakota to see my family. We did that road trip for the first time when the twins were 3 months old. They all are good travelers, but they've all been doing it their whole lives.

As far as specific travel tips- I have many, but they are all age-specific. You'll have to post about this again when you actually are heading out on a trip w/ Piglet.

We've never traveled with our kids - well except to the desert with Bub twice. But that was just for a weekend and it's only an hour away. Our families live close so we don't have to travel to visit them.

We have left Bub three times to travel alone. (Alaska, New York, Vegas.) We missed him terribly, but it was also so, so worth it.

We are looking forward to traveling with the kids, but the right opportunity just hasn't presented itself.

Having just gotten back from a week at a resort in Jamaica with my husband and two-year-old daughter, I'm all about traveling with the kids. Since she was born we've taken her by plane to three other states and two other countries (Jamaica and Canada). While she's generally an easygoing kid, I feel anyone can take their kid traveling by plane if they know their kid, can anticipate their moods, and keep them busy/entertained. When I pick flights, I try to pick them at times when I think my daughter might nap for at least part of the flight; for the rest of the time she isn't sleeping, I bring some new little toys (the dollar aisle at Target is great for this) and books/stickers/colors. When she's ready for something else to do, I offer her little snacks or we put on a DVD, or let her listen to her music on my iPod wearing headphones, which she loves. For my part, I don't bother to bring anything for me to do on the flight...my job is to make sure she's doing good and not bothering other people. (If she naps, I might listen to my iPod.) Half the time when kids act up on planes, their parents are ignoring them, and that drives me crazy! Overall, for me, it's about making her a part of the life my husband and I enjoyed before she joined us (with some tweaks...our resort featured the Sesame Street Gang in shows every night, which my daughter loved and which would not have been on our agenda in our pre-baby days LOL). It's the same thing we've done with her on restaurants...we started taking her to them with us at five days old and we eat out frequently, so now, at two, she knows how to behave in restaurants and understands what's going to happen, so it's not a big deal. We've left her with my parents to go out of town once...and we only went an hour away to spend one night (it was our anniversary). I actually wanted to go to Chicago for the weekend, but my husband did not want to leave the state LOL. That was the first time my parents kept her overnight and they loved it! But we're more apt to leave her with them overnight when we're here in town or nearby than to go on a vacation without her at this point. :)

Having just gotten back from a week at a resort in Jamaica with my husband and two-year-old daughter, I'm all about traveling with the kids. Since she was born we've taken her by plane to three other states and two other countries (Jamaica and Canada). While she's generally an easygoing kid, I feel anyone can take their kid traveling by plane if they know their kid, can anticipate their moods, and keep them busy/entertained. When I pick flights, I try to pick them at times when I think my daughter might nap for at least part of the flight; for the rest of the time she isn't sleeping, I bring some new little toys (the dollar aisle at Target is great for this) and books/stickers/colors. When she's ready for something else to do, I offer her little snacks or we put on a DVD, or let her listen to her music on my iPod wearing headphones, which she loves. For my part, I don't bother to bring anything for me to do on the flight...my job is to make sure she's doing good and not bothering other people. (If she naps, I might listen to my iPod.) Half the time when kids act up on planes, their parents are ignoring them, and that drives me crazy! Overall, for me, it's about making her a part of the life my husband and I enjoyed before she joined us (with some tweaks...our resort featured the Sesame Street Gang in shows every night, which my daughter loved and which would not have been on our agenda in our pre-baby days LOL). It's the same thing we've done with her on restaurants...we started taking her to them with us at five days old and we eat out frequently, so now, at two, she knows how to behave in restaurants and understands what's going to happen, so it's not a big deal. We've left her with my parents to go out of town once...and we only went an hour away to spend one night (it was our anniversary). I actually wanted to go to Chicago for the weekend, but my husband did not want to leave the state LOL. That was the first time my parents kept her overnight and they loved it! But we're more apt to leave her with them overnight when we're here in town or nearby than to go on a vacation without her at this point. :)

Having just gotten back from a week at a resort in Jamaica with my husband and two-year-old daughter, I'm all about traveling with the kids. Since she was born we've taken her by plane to three other states and two other countries (Jamaica and Canada). While she's generally an easygoing kid, I feel anyone can take their kid traveling by plane if they know their kid, can anticipate their moods, and keep them busy/entertained. When I pick flights, I try to pick them at times when I think my daughter might nap for at least part of the flight; for the rest of the time she isn't sleeping, I bring some new little toys (the dollar aisle at Target is great for this) and books/stickers/colors. When she's ready for something else to do, I offer her little snacks or we put on a DVD, or let her listen to her music on my iPod wearing headphones, which she loves. For my part, I don't bother to bring anything for me to do on the flight...my job is to make sure she's doing good and not bothering other people. (If she naps, I might listen to my iPod.) Half the time when kids act up on planes, their parents are ignoring them, and that drives me crazy! Overall, for me, it's about making her a part of the life my husband and I enjoyed before she joined us (with some tweaks...our resort featured the Sesame Street Gang in shows every night, which my daughter loved and which would not have been on our agenda in our pre-baby days LOL). It's the same thing we've done with her on restaurants...we started taking her to them with us at five days old and we eat out frequently, so now, at two, she knows how to behave in restaurants and understands what's going to happen, so it's not a big deal. We've left her with my parents to go out of town once...and we only went an hour away to spend one night (it was our anniversary). I actually wanted to go to Chicago for the weekend, but my husband did not want to leave the state LOL. That was the first time my parents kept her overnight and they loved it! But we're more apt to leave her with them overnight when we're here in town or nearby than to go on a vacation without her at this point. :)

Having just gotten back from a week at a resort in Jamaica with my husband and two-year-old daughter, I'm all about traveling with the kids. Since she was born we've taken her by plane to three other states and two other countries (Jamaica and Canada). While she's generally an easygoing kid, I feel anyone can take their kid traveling by plane if they know their kid, can anticipate their moods, and keep them busy/entertained. When I pick flights, I try to pick them at times when I think my daughter might nap for at least part of the flight; for the rest of the time she isn't sleeping, I bring some new little toys (the dollar aisle at Target is great for this) and books/stickers/colors. When she's ready for something else to do, I offer her little snacks or we put on a DVD, or let her listen to her music on my iPod wearing headphones, which she loves. For my part, I don't bother to bring anything for me to do on the flight...my job is to make sure she's doing good and not bothering other people. (If she naps, I might listen to my iPod.) Half the time when kids act up on planes, their parents are ignoring them, and that drives me crazy! Overall, for me, it's about making her a part of the life my husband and I enjoyed before she joined us (with some tweaks...our resort featured the Sesame Street Gang in shows every night, which my daughter loved and which would not have been on our agenda in our pre-baby days LOL). It's the same thing we've done with her on restaurants...we started taking her to them with us at five days old and we eat out frequently, so now, at two, she knows how to behave in restaurants and understands what's going to happen, so it's not a big deal. We've left her with my parents to go out of town once...and we only went an hour away to spend one night (it was our anniversary). I actually wanted to go to Chicago for the weekend, but my husband did not want to leave the state LOL. That was the first time my parents kept her overnight and they loved it! But we're more apt to leave her with them overnight when we're here in town or nearby than to go on a vacation without her at this point. :)

Having just gotten back from a week at a resort in Jamaica with my husband and two-year-old daughter, I'm all about traveling with the kids. Since she was born we've taken her by plane to three other states and two other countries (Jamaica and Canada). While she's generally an easygoing kid, I feel anyone can take their kid traveling by plane if they know their kid, can anticipate their moods, and keep them busy/entertained. When I pick flights, I try to pick them at times when I think my daughter might nap for at least part of the flight; for the rest of the time she isn't sleeping, I bring some new little toys (the dollar aisle at Target is great for this) and books/stickers/colors. When she's ready for something else to do, I offer her little snacks or we put on a DVD, or let her listen to her music on my iPod wearing headphones, which she loves. For my part, I don't bother to bring anything for me to do on the flight...my job is to make sure she's doing good and not bothering other people. (If she naps, I might listen to my iPod.) Half the time when kids act up on planes, their parents are ignoring them, and that drives me crazy! Overall, for me, it's about making her a part of the life my husband and I enjoyed before she joined us (with some tweaks...our resort featured the Sesame Street Gang in shows every night, which my daughter loved and which would not have been on our agenda in our pre-baby days LOL). It's the same thing we've done with her on restaurants...we started taking her to them with us at five days old and we eat out frequently, so now, at two, she knows how to behave in restaurants and understands what's going to happen, so it's not a big deal. We've left her with my parents to go out of town once...and we only went an hour away to spend one night (it was our anniversary). I actually wanted to go to Chicago for the weekend, but my husband did not want to leave the state LOL. That was the first time my parents kept her overnight and they loved it! But we're more apt to leave her with them overnight when we're here in town or nearby than to go on a vacation without her at this point. :)

Having just gotten back from a week at a resort in Jamaica with my husband and two-year-old daughter, I'm all about traveling with the kids. Since she was born we've taken her by plane to three other states and two other countries (Jamaica and Canada). While she's generally an easygoing kid, I feel anyone can take their kid traveling by plane if they know their kid, can anticipate their moods, and keep them busy/entertained. When I pick flights, I try to pick them at times when I think my daughter might nap for at least part of the flight; for the rest of the time she isn't sleeping, I bring some new little toys (the dollar aisle at Target is great for this) and books/stickers/colors. When she's ready for something else to do, I offer her little snacks or we put on a DVD, or let her listen to her music on my iPod wearing headphones, which she loves. For my part, I don't bother to bring anything for me to do on the flight...my job is to make sure she's doing good and not bothering other people. (If she naps, I might listen to my iPod.) Half the time when kids act up on planes, their parents are ignoring them, and that drives me crazy! Overall, for me, it's about making her a part of the life my husband and I enjoyed before she joined us (with some tweaks...our resort featured the Sesame Street Gang in shows every night, which my daughter loved and which would not have been on our agenda in our pre-baby days LOL). It's the same thing we've done with her on restaurants...we started taking her to them with us at five days old and we eat out frequently, so now, at two, she knows how to behave in restaurants and understands what's going to happen, so it's not a big deal. We've left her with my parents to go out of town once...and we only went an hour away to spend one night (it was our anniversary). I actually wanted to go to Chicago for the weekend, but my husband did not want to leave the state LOL. That was the first time my parents kept her overnight and they loved it! But we're more apt to leave her with them overnight when we're here in town or nearby than to go on a vacation without her at this point. :)

We haven't traveled much with Madeline, but when we have it's been fine. The first trip was ridiculous because I took EVERYTHING with us - from pump to pack & play - and that was sort of a logistical mindbender, but it gave me some peace to know I had more than I could possibly need (if that makes sense).

We went camping for a few days this summer and I had NO idea how that would go, because it was so completely outside of her routine, but she adapted great. I think that kids are more malleable than people think - as long as the parents are willing to go with the flow, travel should be fine.