Am I modeling "grabbing"???

06-12-2011, 03:31 PM

Hi everyone. When my toddler is holding something that he could very likely break (like my phone, or camera etc...) and I need to take it away from him (he won't give it back to me), how can I do it in a way that doesn't modeling grabbing, behavior that I would not like him to engage in himself? I am verrrry lenient with letting him explore things but there are certain things that I simply can not let him have at the moment because he has a tendency to inadvertently damage/break them through his natural curiosity. Any advice/tips would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!

I think there are 2 respectful ways to handle this. One is to simply keep those things out of sight and reach as much as possible. The second is to explore those things with him. Like sit next to him and show him how it works and keep an eye on what he does to make sure he's exploring in a safe way.

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Hi AwakenedMama, thanks for your quick reply! Yes, we do lots of "safe" exploring together....what I'm talking about now is a new phase that he is in. When he gets his hands on those things that I do keep out of sight as much as possible, and that he knows he is not supposed to "play" with, we tend to get into a mini-power struggle (that he finds very funny and I try to keep it light as well even though inside I'm freaking out that he is going to break it). Anyway, in those - infrequent - cases, how do you handle getting the item away from the child? Even when I try to "explore together" (which used to work great for a long time) he now really wants to explore alone and runs away with the item.

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Yeah, my little one does the same. I think when they run away, it's because we've taken it away from them before and they don't want us to do it again.

If I'm in a state where I'm not feeling connected to being ideal mommy, I will just take it away. When I'm in a good space, where I am prioritizing respect, I will either stay with him until he is done and tell him "Not in your mouth" if he puts it in his mouth and gently moveaway from his mouth. Or I will try to get him interested in something else similar.

We also have remote controls without batteries that look like the ones with batteries that we can swap out. And when my daughter was at this stage, we did things like give her our old cell phones that no longer worked or buy compter keyboads at Goodwill so she had the real thing.

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Thank you awakenedmommy for your honesty. This has been a struggle for us and one I don't feel like I've passed. I have a 2 year old and I'm aware that I don't need to just grab things from him. One thing I try when I have patience, which isn't enough, is to do the one fingered touch. Dr. Sears recommends it in his books, for things you want your child to explore but not break they can touch with one finger. For us this works for a little bit and when he stops just using one finger I end the exploration session. Maybe this will get easier.