My Best Friend was diagnosed with HIV last year and has had a really hard time dealing with it. He also has a girlfriend for over two years. He never told her about his diagnosis. I have tried to have a heart to heart talk with him, and he just is too scared he is going to lose her, so he will not tell her and begged me not to say anything. He assures me he is careful but I don't really know, since I am not in bed with them. I don't know how he gets around oral sex and stuff and uses a condom for all that or even intercourse, because I know she is on birth control. The thing I am worried about is she is also a home day care provider for six little kids out of her house, so she does not practice all that universal precautions stuff and probally would never think twice about it.. Could they be at risk from her changing diapers or if she got a cut or something? Should I be worried about this? I mean it is one thing if she was aware of her risk and was careful around the kids, but she does not even know she is at risk. Are the kids at risk? I can't sleep worrying about them! Thanks for your help.....

I believe in the best interest of your friend and the kids, you should tell your friend or make her man tell her. If she is on birth control pills then most likely she does not know. HIV + people will have to be careful with their cut's, bruises, etc..

Nice position to be in I must say... NOT.. He will do more damage by not telling here up front about his status.. He would be obliged to tell her his status immediatly and let the chips fall as they may... It will inevitablly came out.. You just cant hid HIV for forever. I would recomend you have him maybe talk to one of us about what his fears are and we can probably help him. His story is NOT unique. I feel more damage will be done the longer he waits to disclose. He is doing himself no favors either the the mental anguish he is caring by himself when he could have the support of his girlfriend... Dont force anything on either one. You could jeaprodize your relationship with both of them.... Her being on the pill concerns me.. In the heat of passion, all that safe sex stuff goes out the window sometimes.... I would hate to see her become infected and I am sure that would devistate him as well... Good luck and keep posting...

Thank you. The problem is since his diagnosis he will not go onto any support forums or anything. It is like he is pretending he does not have the disease. The only thing I was able to do was get him to a doctor and he barely talks about that. I think he does think he can hide it forever. He got sick for two weeks since diagnosis and then was fine and still is. I am sure he thinks if she gets it she will just think she got the flu and then she will be fine too for at least ten years with no idea. I think this because I helped him when he first got sick and was first infected. It can hide for a pretty long time where you have no idea?

I am with Eric, I think it will do more harm in the long run if he does not tell her now. I do want to point out, I a on the pill and I am poz and my husband is neg. We are very careful in using protection but some women need it for other reasons, so she may not be on it for them having unsafe sex. I do think however that he needs to tell her and get it over with. As for her running the daycare out of her home, I think she should be using universal precautions anyway. Anyone should but it is not a risk for them if she is changing their diaper. We do not know her status so we do not know how dangerous it may be with a cut but like I said, she should be using precautions anyway. Good luck.

Thanks for the help. One more question, she has children of her own as well as I do. Before my friend was diagnosed, I never thought about blood, cuts etc with my own kids. What if she is just like me and not too careful around her own little kids. They are little and have cuts etc all the time. I see them all the time with my kids....

This is where I come in to say that you should alaways practice precautions. Not only when you know or think someone may have HIV/AIDS. I have always taught my children precations not only because I am poz. Now adays you do not know who may have what, not only HIV, that can be transmitted through blood. Precaution should be taught in any home poz or neg.

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