Therapist and author Laura J Stephens on goals and feeling stuck

In her latest post at LauraJStephens.com, the author of An Inconvenient Posting: An Expat Wife’s Memoir of Lost Identity (Summertime Publishing 2012), asks: “Is there something you would like to move forward with or change in 2013? Do you have any mental road blocks or potholes? You could try breaking things down, distilling the issue into a few key actions, or make ‘bring ups’ in your diary, schedule yourself some time to work on it. Ask yourself what would help me decide? How can I make it happen? What is the worst that can happen?!”

Laura, a therapist by trade, shares her own story of a goal she once put off – finishing her memoir detailing her relocation, depression, loss of identity and recovery – and how she slowly overcame that. She explains:

“I’d been procrastinating [on finishing the book] for over a year, trying to weigh up if it would be okay for me to reveal myself in such a public way. I didn’t see myself as depressive so how was it going to be, admitting to the world that I had really struggled? Even if I did survive and learn from it.

I brought to mind my earlier inspiration for writing; if I could avoid being seriously depressed until my forties, then surely it could happen to anyone? As a therapist, I had understood some of what was happening to me and yet could not by an act of sheer will alone, get myself out of the mire. Ashamed and guilty as an expat wife, I felt I should surely be counting my blessings (I knew there were many – goddamit I could see them with my own eyes, I just couldn’t feel them) and fell victim to the black dog, Churchill’s apt description for depression.”

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A psychotherapist with a human resources background, Laura has lived in north and south England, Singapore and the USA. Through her work experience and accompanying her partner overseas she has gained a perspective on expat matters in her alternate roles as employer, spouse, mother and therapist.
Reinventing her career to fit with changing circumstances, the common thread in her working/personal life is a desire to listen and connect with others. She has published articles about expatriate life and its emotional challenges. “An Inconvenient Posting: An expat wife's memoir of lost identity” is her first book.

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