And then he promised a bombshell video that would cleave the very foundations of America in two and reveal Obama to be the secret Muslim, Communist, Nazi, Socialist, racist, baby-eating zombie that he truly is. And a day before the first debate too, which is the raddest coincidence EVAR!

The video is from 2007 (only 5 years old? WHAT A SCOOP!), which is of then-candidate Obama speaking to a mostly black audience at Hampton University and saying things like the government screwed New Orleans with Hurricane Katrina aid. THASS! RAYCISSSS!

Then at 9 last night, Fox News went to Sean Hannity and Tucker Carlson to break the news to all the old white people who watch their show and hate the president and won't be voting for him no matter what anyway.

While the video has been available on this thing called the World Wide Internets since the speech was made, Hannity was all, "so-called unbiased journalists" REFUSE to talk about this incendiary video because of reasons!

Tucker Bowties added, "This was covered at the time. There were reporters in the room. I had a show at the time on another channel, and I covered the remarks that were released."

Tucker promised that the rest of the video had yet to be aired and featured explosive! new! facts! Like, for instance, Obama speaks to the crowd in a weird accent. He also calls the Rev. Jeremiah Wright a "friend" and a "great leader." And he says that he's angry at how poor black people, a lot of whom died, during and after Katrina got the shaft from the government.

In the video, Obama makes reference to the Stafford Act, which requires local and state governments to match federal funds when receiving money for rebuilding, for example following the 9/11 attacks and Hurricane Andrew. But New Orleans wasn't afforded the Stafford Act, and Obama was mad about that. But those Katrina victims were nothing but freeloaders, so screw them.

"What's happening down in New Orleans?" Obama says. "Where's your dollar? Where's your Stafford Act money? Makes no sense! Tells me that somehow, the people down in New Orleans they don't care about as much!"

You can just smell the hatred toward whitey, right???

Oh, and he gave props (can I say this? props?) to Rev. Wright, calling him a great leader. Hannity wants to remind America about that guy because maybe America wasn't paying attention in 2008 when Wright and his secret racist relationship with Obama was pretty much all there was on television, the internet, radio, movie screens, in your cereal, on the streets, in airplane banners, billboards, and that thing called a newspaper that your parents still use.

As for Obama's weird racist white-hater accent, Buzzfeed's Andrew Kaczynski noted that Barack Hussein has spoken in that tenor before and that proof of this is available on something called the YouFace... or YouTube... er, something.

So, unfortunately, Drudge & Tucker's video did not incite the Great Race War of 2014 as they had hoped.

Speaking of the video, Rep. Allen West said on Fox News: "What's the 'So what' of this video? I don't think it's going to really go anywhere."

*RECORD SCRATCH*

*rubs eyes*

*reads that sentence again*

Well, if Allen West of all people is blowing up your video of Obama supposedly being superracist and giving dap to his racist preacher buddy, you know you've got nothing.