The Ridiculous Business Jargon Dictionary: D-words

Do you wonder where your co-workers picked up all the ridiculous things they say? From fresh-faced interns to top management, everyone drops one of these gems occasionally. We can only hope that you're not here to actually add buzzwords to your vocabulary.

D-PAD [v.]

Downloading Porn All Day. When an employee has nothing to do. "Now that the project is finished, I'm looking forward to a little D-PAD."Suggested by minorfall.

To disassemble. "We're going to have to de-integrate the entire assembly and start from scratch."

De-layering [v.]

An excuse to fire multiple levels of a hierarchy without reducing the total workload. (see also, Empowerment)Suggested by Jane W.

De-tune [v.]

To minimize in style or message. Synonym: tone-down. "You really need to de-tune those hideous slides."Suggested by Natalie R.

Dead stick [adj.]

Describes a project that has lost momentum. This is an aviation term used when a plane is on the verge of losing control.Suggested by Derrick.

Dead Tree Edition [n.]

Printed version of a document or presentation. "We already have it in PDF, why do we need the dead tree edition?"Suggested by Primus

Dead wood [n.]

An employee that no longer contributes anything meaningful to an organization.

Deceptionist [n.]

A receptionist whose job is actually to delay or block potential visitors. Ruthless with a polite, perfect smile.

Decision sniper [n.]

The person that sits quietly in a meeting until just before a decision is reached, then raises a question that forces the group to reconvene later.Suggested by Brian W.

Deck [n.]

A PowerPoint slide presentation. "Clean up those slides before you even think about running that deck again."Suggested by Gomo.

Decruit [v.]

A clever euphemism for firing senior employees. "The board is pushing for decruitment."Suggested by Amanda G.

Deep dive [n.]

An in-depth study.

Deep pockets [n.]

Rich investors. "We need a few more deep pockets on board before we move forward."

Deep six [exp.]

A borrowed military term meaning 'to dispose of.'

Deferred success [n.]

A term used to postpone the declaration of failure, as if a positive result is guaranteed (just not right now). "The project was a deferred success; we're confident that things will pick up in the next quarter."Suggested by Aidan.

Dehire [v.]

To fire.

Deja moo [exp.]

The nagging feeling that you've heard this BS before.

Delagatorship [n.]

A business entity run by someone incapable of decision-making.Suggested by Matt F.

Deliver the goods [v.]

To come through on an agreement.

Delta [n.]

Pretty much the coolest way to speak about a change or difference. "We're talking about a 2% delta on the cap rate."Suggested by Cash M.

Deploy [v.]

Execute; release to the public. Makes the speaker feel like he's planning D-Day instead of some insipid PR launch.Suggested by Irene G.

Descope [v.]

The art of removing requirements or features from a project to make it appear completed. "The web deliverable was descoped yesterday and victory was declared."Suggested by JCSmith.

Deselect [v.]

To fire or lay-off. "We need to deselect five people from your department to meet cost targets this year."Suggested by Don.

Desk dive [n.]

The painful crawl underneath your desk to unplug equipment or fetch a dropped item.Suggested by Jessica.

Desk jockey [exp.]

An office worker.

Deskfast [n.]

Breakfast eaten at your desk.

Diagonal slice meeting [n.]

A large meeting involving staff from several teams. Try not to think about costs as 26 people discuss their feelings.
Suggested by Henry H.

Dial and smile [n.]

Phone calls intended to recruit new customers.

Dial-in [v.]

A simply terrible way to say 'include'. "Let me dial-in marketing on this one."

Dialogue [v.]

To have a conversation. "Let's dialogue later about the Miller account."

Dialogue marketing [n.]

A marketing strategy that tries to create a two-way rapport with the customer.

Diarize [v.]

To ensure that all relevant details are recorded. "Don't pack up until these learnings are diarized."Suggested by Lesley.

Diary forward [v.]

To record new knowledge and apply it in the future. "Managers will conduct a 15 minute walkdown each day and diary forward to cover all shifts."Suggested by Rob A.

Die on the hill [v.]

To over-commit. "The client's pushing for a Friday go-live? No thanks. I'm not dying on that hill."Suggested by Renee

Different breed [adj.]

A derogatory reference to a strange person or thing. "Night shift servermonkeys really are a different breed."

Digerati [n.]

An elite group of people that know more about computers than you ever will.

Dime store [n.]

A business that sells extremely cheap items.

DINK [n.]

Double Income, No Kids.

Dinosaur [n.]

A long-term company employee whose extensive experience is only surpassed by his resistance to change.Suggested by Aaron D.

Dip your pen in company ink [v.]

Having sexual relations with a coworker.Suggested by Brad

Directionally accurate [adj.]

A terrible euphemism for describing a failed guess. "You have to admit that our conclusion was at least directionally accurate."Suggested by ACP.

Dirty laundry [n.]

Questionable business practices or documents that an organization would prefer to remain secret.

Dirty pool [exp.]

Unethical practices. "Her lawyers are really playing dirty pool on this one."

Disambiguate [v.]

An ironic 5-syllable word used in place of 'clarify.'

Disconnect [n.]

An inconsistency or problem. Another terrible noun created from a perfectly good verb.

Disimpress [v.]

To reverse a favorable impression with subsequent behavior. "We liked him at the first interview, but he really disimpressed us in the second round."Suggested by Jason I.

Disincentivize [v.]

To reduce the motivation to make a particular choice. Please, just never say this word.

Disintermediate [v.]

The process of removing the middle man. Lord help us.

DK [n.]

Short for Don't Know. To renege on a deal by claiming that terms are missing or incorrect. "Joan DK'ed me when her options took a bath."Suggested by Papa

Do the needful [exp.]

A reminder to actually do the work you're being paid for. "…and if that means coming in Sunday, we're going to do the needful."Suggested by Michael W.

Doability [adj.]

Used to describe whether an activity can be undertaken. "I need to confirm the doability of that request."Suggested by Beneboy

Dog [n.]

A badly performing product or company.

Dog and pony show [n.]

An overlay staged presentation that has more style than substance.

Dog in this fight [n.]

Presence in a given market. "Find out what the competition is up to, and make damn sure we get a dog in this fight."Suggested by Jack.

Dogfooding [v.]

The practice of forcing developers to use their own product (or 'eat their own dog food') to better understand the customer experience.Suggested by Programmer Type.

Doingness [n.]

An invented, pseudo-eastern concept of active participation. The kind of word that whole consulting empires are built around.

DOMA [exp.]

Die Or Move Away. One way to lose customers.

DOMO [exp.]

DOwnwardly MObile. A young person who changes their priorities and quits a high paying, demanding position.

Don't f*** with payroll [exp.]

Blunt advice about avoiding romantic or sexual relationships with co-workers.Suggested by Max

Don't fight the tape [exp.]

Don't oppose the market trend.

Don't get your meat where you make your bread [exp.]

A food metaphor about the perils of hooking up with coworkers.Suggested by Jason F.

Donkey work [n.]

Mundane tasks requiring minimal skill to complete. "I'm so done with this donkey work. Internships are the worst."

Dopeler effect [exp.]

The principle that stupid ideas sound better when they come at you quickly.

Double dip [v.]

To retire, but then start another career.

Double-time [exp.]

A military term meaning to act quickly. "Get that invoice out double-time!"

Dovetail [v.]

To expand upon a fellow employee's idea. Claiming it as your own is optional. "That dovetails nicely into my point."Suggested by Johnny P.

Down and dirty [adj.]

To perform a task quickly without considering quality.

Down the rabbit hole [exp.]

A promise that what follows will be compelling, highly-detailed, and maybe a little crazy. "Let's double-click this icon and head straight down the rabbit hole."Suggested by Jon E.

Downsize [v.]

To reduce the size of a workforce. Often begins with requests for voluntary resignations and ends with a series of layoffs.

Drill down [v.]

To investigate thoroughly. "Let's meet this afternoon and drill down on this one."

Drink from the firehose [v.]

To be overwhelmed with information.Suggested by Crazy Renee.

Drink the Kool-aid [v.]

To accept company policy without question.

Drive beyond the headlights [v.]

To get ahead of oneself. "Stop me if I'm driving beyond the headlights here, but I want to share an amazing home-based business with you."Suggested by Crazy Renee.

Drop-dead date [n.]

The REAL deadline. Missing it often means dire consequences.

Dropping packets [v.]

A state of forgetfulness caused by burnout or lack of sleep. "You hungover again? You've been dropping packets all morning..."Suggested by David M.

Dub-dub-dub [n.]

A quicker (and nerdier) way to refer to the beginning of a website address. "You have to check out dub-dub-dub dot..."Suggested by Chandra C.

Duck shove [n.]

The act of passing a difficult question or task to an unsuspecting third party. "I duck shoved that paperwork over to Jonathon."

Duck shuffler [n.]

Someone who disrupts your affairs after you've finally gotten all your 'ducks in a row.'

Ducks in a row [exp.]

To become organized.

Due diligence [n.]

The thoroughness required to make good business decisions.Suggested by Pulkit B.