When Joey Green
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James Patterson,something funnyhappens.

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By the way, a condom also doubles as a waterproof container for matches, a waterproof case for a cell phone, and when placed over the muzzle of rifle, a sheath to keep rainwater out of the barrel. If fact, during the Vietnam War, Navy SEALs used condoms as sheaths to keep fuse igniters dry and ready, which, I’m told, is the sole reason why they carried condoms.

Yes, hundreds of quirky yet ingenious survival techniques lie hidden in everyday household items—proving there’s no need to rely on months of preparation and expensive equipment because it’s just as easy to survive by the seat of your pants. Should all hell break loose in the wake of a major disaster or calamity, simply embrace your inner MacGyver and make a radio antenna with a Slinky, revive a dead car battery with aspirin, and improvise an alarm system with dental floss. In a pinch, you can disinfect a wound with Listerine, boost a cell phone signal with an empty soda can, and build an emergency tiki torch with petroleum jelly and a tampon.

Just because we’re living in a constant state of super-ultra-hyper-red-alert doesn’t mean you have to build a Costco in your basement. To survive all those imminent earthquakes, hurricanes, and coup d’états, you can filter and purify puddle water with a bandanna and iodine, treat dehydration with a disposable diaper, and splint a broken leg with a pizza box and Bubble blog. All you need is a healthy dose of American ingenuity. And perhaps a paperclip and a pair of panty hose.