So. I mean. more nd more. The world’s OBVIOUSLY headed to nuclear wart. Right? I mean. That shit can’t be ANY more obviously close. Forreals man. Like. I can’t misunderestimate (wink, wink, nudge, nudge) how easily the world could be over in about 2.2 seconds bitch! So many lame, inside joke references things. Happening all at once.

Basically.

Nuclear war could start. At any given second these days. Forreals.

Maybe it involves Russia. Or China. Or North Korea/China/Russia combined. The fact of the matter is. Nuclear war. Is a legit. Possibility. In the near future. If not the next five years. Then the next 20.

Also coming in the next 5-10h years: Truck drivers will be obsolete. Driver’s licenses will be obsolete. And cash. Cash is going to be obsolete pretty soon. But either way.

Nuclear war is coming.

Eventually.

Here are the five things that science has proven will suriie a nuclear holocaust.

5. Australia.

OK. So. Really. This one isn’t science. At all. This is a joke from like… 2004? 2005? I don’t know. But either way.

4. Cockroaches.

I mean. The science is settled on this one guys. There’s definitely no need to explain this one. No further research is needed. IT’S SCIENCE! DON’T QUESTION IT! EVER@! it’s settled science. And if you think otherwise, you’re going to jail. Period.

2. Mick Jagger

See: “Ric Fliar.” Only replace “wrestling,” with “music.” And I don’t know if Mick Jagger was ever in a plain crash. But still.

1. “Enter Sandman” by Metallica

I mean. There’s a reason why this song is heard at least once during every NFL game. Ever. There’s no questioning how amazing this song is. Even if it has become Metal’s version of a “club banger.” It’s still amazing. Period. WHENEVER James does the “BOOM!” bit at the end there. It’s pretty much in the Constitution that you MUST do some sort of jesture with your hand(s) when you hear it. This song isn’t going to dye. And it isnt dying anytime soon. I mean. If things like, “I Don’t Want to Set the World on Fire” and “Crawl out through the Fallout” are going to be the TOP of the charts in post-appocalyptic Boston, Las Vegas, AND Washington D.C. There’s NO question hat “Enter Sandman” will survive. Rght?

And so. There you have it. These are the five things that science has proven will DEFINITELY survive a nuclear holocust. Enjoy, it right? Live long and prosper. Or whatever. Except you know. You’re not one of those five things that will survive the upcoming nuclear war(s). So. Mayne not so much on that last part there. Unless you live in like Australia/New Zwaland/etc.