Philip Warren
Research Paper Reviews - Hill Hardman
4/14/98
Overall, your paper had a very good feel to it. It had a very clear
structure and sense of organization to it. From paragraph to
paragraph, you kept my attention throughout and did not drift from
topic to topic at all. In addition, the transitions between
paragraphs was seamless, and you did not drop off in meaning from
one paragraph to another.
One of the strongest parts of your paper is your use of resources. You
were very effective in your use of direct quotes, and they greatly
facilitated your telling of the story. In particular, I found the
quotes by Winston Churchill - "controller of Berlin would have a
trump card...." - and the quote by Harry Truman - "we had to face
the possibility that Russia might deliberately choose...." I felt
you did a great job in your placement of the quotes and in
explaining them after you used them.
I thought of two main places where you could improve on your existing
draft. First of all, I would take out a lot of the historical
summary that does not directly tie into the Berlin blockade.
Instead, I would look to focus more on the specifics dealing with
the blockade than with the conclusion and strategy at the
conclusion of World War II. I found that your overall paper
covered a period of time and events that is too broad for the
subject of your paper. It would help your argument much more to
elaborate more on the events surrounding the blockade than with
events that happened from the beginning of WWII to the blockade.
In addition, you could benefit if you included more speculation into
the effects of the blockade. For instance, what was the response of
the Soviet leaders to the blockade? American troops in Berlin? West
German citizens? In general, it would help to strenthen your
overall paper if you included more perspectives of other groups of
people involved in the blockade.
Some other minor things: I was a little unsure as to the sentence
regarding the Russians offering their aid to planes carrying cargo
into Western Berlin. I just found it a little odd that the same
people that were endorsing a blockade of West Berlin would also be
helping the allies to give aid to the people in West Berlin. One
other small thing I noticed - in the second paragraph towards the
bottom you have a sentence that starts out - "On March 2,
1945...." where you need to change the words "throughout the war"
to "throughout the world."