In an important speech yesterday, David Cameron outlined his plans for Britain's infrastructure. This new infrastructure is going to cost a fortune, but hey, infra penny, infra pound. I always enjoy Cameron speeches. They are a blend of jargon which is as up to date as an iPad3 or this season's Maclaren car, together with a sort of mad boyish enthusiasm we recognise from the Just William books.

"If I was prime minister," said William, "roads wouldn't jus' be dualled, they'd have as many lanes as they needed – 18 might be enough."

William's elder brother Robert had arrived home fuming the previous evening, a "pinch-point" on the A3 having delayed his return from London so that the latest object of his affections, kept waiting at the tennis club for almost an hour, had flounced off home.

"That's not what David Cameron says. He said: 'The great purpose of this government is to engineer a horizon shift.' So there!" William added triumphantly.

"But he also said that javelins would fly from St Pancras to the 'Lympic park in eight minutes," said Ginger, "and that's stupid. If we could do that, we'd win all the field event gold medals."

William gave him a look of withering contempt. "He was talking about Javelin trains. People will get there so fast they'll have several hours to wait for the ladies' handball an' they can eat liquorice allsorts and gobstoppers … "

Alongside this engaging ebullience, there is the Cameron who deploys shiny new language. "Infrastructure is the magic ingredient in so much of modern life!" He made it sound like love, or monosodium glutamate.

But it isn't just a magic ingredient; it is "the platform for active citizenship". You've probably seen the signs as you crawl to work: "Platform for active citizenship construction, March to August 2012: expect delays."

This government was going to be the first to act "with the necessary determination to blast through the vested interests and bureaucratic hurdles!" He loves blasting, rather like that bloke who used to destroy old cooling towers.

"The Big Society, blasting through!" he once said. Older readers may recall the Big Society. (Now possibly merged with the Big Issue.)

No longer will we live in mere towns, we will inhabit "engines of economic growth". Manchester, Newcastle, Leeds will be "super-connected, with ultra-fast 100-megabit broadband making the best connected cities in the world!"

What with hyper-highways blasting through (thanks to privatised roadbuilding) and flying trains that will blast 20 minutes off the journey to Birmingham, we will be able to go from one city to another at not much less than the speed of light, and will be able to download vital specs, medical procedures and porn, at speeds that will make your head hurt.

Many of these schemes are "shovel-ready", a term new to me. I suppose if you had an oven-ready chicken and you burned it to a crisp, it would be shovel-ready for the bin.