Pane in the Glass

Some scumbag cunt has thrown/fired something at one of my windows, resulting in it now being cracked all the way across.

Whilst in the bathroom on Friday morning, I noticed a crack across the glass. I moved my aloe vera plant out of the way, only to find a rather round impact mark, with cracks coming off in three different directions. Whatever it was, the impact was so hard that the inside pane of the double-glazed unit has also shattered at the point of impact and the three cracks go all the way through the glass.

As much as I’d like to believe that it’s a simple accident, I think that this is highly unlikely simply because of the amount of damage caused.

Someone suggested that a rock could have flown up whilst I was cutting the grass or strimming. I haven’t used the strimmer recently but I did cut the grass last Saturday. However, there’s no way in a million years that a lawnmower could throw a stone out and up to such a height and at such a speed that it damages a window.

I noticed the damage on Friday morning and am confident that had it been there on Thursday morning, I would have noticed it immediately then instead. For the amount of damage, I reckon there would have been a considerable crack/bump/thump/bang which I would have heard. If I didn’t hear it, the dogs certainly would have done and their barking would have alerted me to the sinister goings-on.

I don’t think I would have noticed the crack at night so I can only assume that the damage was caused during the day on Thursday. The dogs would probably have made a huge racket, but if I wasn’t there, they would have been the only ones to know about it.

It was also suggested that a bird may have dropped something which hit the window- this object would have needed to dodge the lip of the roof and been travelling at quite a speed. When I pointed out that this was a ridiculous notion, I was told that there are plenty of variables. This is true, but the following facts remain:

If a bird did drop something, it would have fallen with a slight curve; continuing in the direction that the bird was flying in at the same time as falling towards the ground. However, this curve would not be linear and gravity would quickly overcome forward momentum, meaning that the object would fall in a much straighter line and not travel very much in the direction of the bird at all. If this object then landed on something, I agree that it could cause damage. For a solid object to cause so much damage to a double-glazed window, it would need to be travelling directly at that window at a fair old speed. On this basis, I accept that only a meteorite could be responsible.

The only variable that I can think of is the wind. If a bird dropped an object, it could change direction if the wind was strong enough. However, the surface area of something similar in size and shape to the object that clearly damaged my window would be so small, the wind would have very little effect on it, if any at all. Even if the wind could blow an object so much in a particular direction, it still wouldn’t increase it’s velocity enough to damage a double-glazed window. On this basis, I accept that the only explanation is that a meteorite is responsible.

As an example to supposedly support this bird-brained theory, I was asked if I’d heard of or knew anyone who had ever experienced damage to the windscreen or bodywork of their car due to a bird dropping something. I don’t, but I can completely understand the described situation because a car’s windscreen, it’s bonnet, roof and possibly the boot all face skywards. Therefore, if something were dropped by a bird onto a car, there’s a high chance that damage will be caused.

When I pointed out that damage caused to a car windscreen as a result of this was quite understandable because a windscreen points skywards, I was asked what type of car I drive and told that I was probably thinking of the sunroof. I thought I drive and had described the average car, but apparently not.

It was suggested that the local geography doesn’t provide good conditions for a deliberate attack. The rear of my house looks onto other houses all the way around, so there’s probably up to 30 different places that a missile could have been fired from.

Before anyone asks, no; I haven’t pissed off anyone locally. I keep myself to myself and only ever venture out when I go to work. I’ve not had any run-ins or disputes with any neighbours and I don’t make any noise or play loud music.

Unless anyone can suggest otherwise, this is definitely a case of some scumbag cunt who’s decided to take a pot shot at some poor fucker’s windows with a rock or an airgun. It’s a shame that I have no idea who did it as I’d love nothing more than to pull the cunt’s head off and shit down his or her neck.

I can get away with ignoring the window for now, but there is the chance that it could break completely and even fall out, so I’ll definitely need to get it replaced in the near future. That’s probably £100.00 or so that I could have spent on socks or DVDs.

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About Ninja Hedgehog

I’m Ninja Hedgehog, the creator of the Ninja Hedgehog website. I've written various things over the years but started Ninja Hedgehog in October 2011. I write about all kind of subjects but will never write about sport. Ever.