Dispatches from the new Russian empire

The Ukrainian version of the Bachelor has chosen Tsar Nicholas II great-great- nephew as their new groom-to-be (how many hyphens can one sentence have?). He speaks no Ukrainian bringing the inanity of the premise of the Bachelor to new heights. I think he should just move in with Valya, Eino and I. I’m sure he could find love here…

“I’ve been very lucky in life, but very unlucky in love,” the 33-year-old, who comes across as a romantic behind bad-boy looks, told The Associated Press.”