‘The world that bombards women with negative tropes about sexuality and appearance all the time.’
Photograph: Alamy

The news that a quarter of girls are self-harming – nearly four times as many as boys – reminded me of a line in Louis Theroux’s documentary, The City Addicted to Crystal Meth. In it, a woman working in a rehab clinic tells Theroux: “Men know who their enemies are: they’re gangs, the police, their enemy in war. Women tend to be abused by those who say ‘I love you’, so it’s very crazy-making. Men need to learn how to express themselves; women know how to express themselves – it’s how they do it that’s the problem.”

Of course, there are so many reasons why young people self harm – indeed, given that it has been on the rise since 2010, I hope someone commissions a study on the link between self-harm and austerity – but the striking gender divide demands further scrutiny. It is not inevitable that girls will harm themselves more than boys. It simply cannot be separated from the way women and men are generally socialised.

Here’s why the line from the Louis Theroux documentary is important. Women, in general, are taught to hurt themselves in a multitude of ways: by hating their bodies, by having low expectations of relationships, by subjugating their own needs to those of others, and by viewing male approval as a form of validation. As a result, women can end up looking to sources of abuse for love and support, sources that claim to be giving women what they need while gradually eroding a sense of self.

Little wonder, then, that the response of many women is to turn pain inwards. If women’s lives aren’t good, we’re encouraged to think this is because we’re not good enough. We can’t rage at those around us if we’re unhappy when we are taught that their acceptance is what will lead to happiness.

The survey also found that over a quarter of children consistently hear jokes and comments about other people’s looks, and more than a fifth do so about sexual activity. As this paper put it, “Both made girls feel much worse about their appearance and less happy with their life as a whole, but this pattern did not apply to boys.” It feels fairly obvious to me that this is because girls internalise these comments as being about themselves on some level. They don’t occur in a vacuum: such comments are made in a world that bombards women with negative tropes about sexuality and appearance all the time.

Hearing sexualised or demeaning comments isn’t just upsetting in and of itself: they act as confirmation of the low regard in which women are held by society (and, let’s call a spade a spade here, by men). Sure, most women develop a resilience to these things as they get older, but we shouldn’t have to. We shouldn’t have to go through that battle: we should just not be subject to this rubbish in the first place.

All too often, the anxieties of teenage girls are portrayed as vain and frivolous, but they’re not. These anxieties are the concentrated version of the female experience. When we talk about the social pressure girls feel, what we actually mean is misogyny, and we should be brave enough to call it what it is. Teen years can be incredibly tough for girls and boys alike, and the breaking of the social contract with austerity has deteriorated the quality of life for everyone who experiences it. But until we can be honest about the fact that misogyny plays a crucial role in the lives of teenage girls, they will continue to suffer in a way that their male counterparts simply do not.

• The National Self Harm Network offers a valued internet support forum for people who self-harm. Self Injury Support runs a self-injury helpline for women which is available Monday-Thursday 7pm-10pm on 08088008088; its also provides text and email support to women who self-harm. In the UK and Ireland, adults can always contact Samaritans on 116 123. Children and young adults may prefer to contact Childline on 0800 1111. In the US, the National Suicide Prevention Hotline is 1-800-273-8255. In Australia, the crisis support service Lifeline is on 13 11 14. Hotlines in other countries can be found here