Joining the Club that no one wants to belong to...

I am new to Soaring Spirits and this particular group. I find myself here as a result of my beloved husband Ralph’s passing on October 5, 2017. It seems like a lifetime ago, although only 4 months. We would have celebrated our 28th anniversary on November 18, 2017, and although we had each been married before, we were the loves of each other’s lives. We shared many travel adventures, loved good food and cooking together, theater, sharing volunteer work, enjoying family and friends, never at a loss for conversation. It was truly a magical time together.

Like so many of you, I’m sad and lonely and haven’t the first idea how to recreate my life as one half of “Us.” We went everywhere and did everything together, and now I have no one to make more memories with. I have wonderful friends who have lifted and supported me, and continue to do so; I’m so grateful for them. I look forward to being a part of Soaring Spirits and this group, sharing friendship and stories, and being comforted by our common experience.

Replies to This Discussion

I am so glad you have many friends supporting you thru these first months! They are the hardest.

Yes....beginning to realize you will have to go forward without him and build a new identity is a toughie.

Give yourself time. I know it doesn’t seem possible at the moment, but gradually you will evolve. When you are ready, accept invitations from your friends to join them for dinner or an outing. Try to enjoy moments as they present themselves to you. I played a game with myself: every day I had to find cheer and joy in at least ONE THING. At first it was so difficult. Gradually it became easier to do. Letting go of “we” and “us” to embrace “me” and “i” doesn’t happen quickly.

Thank you for your reply, Gwamma. I will take your suggestion to find One Thing to find cheer and joy in every day, it’s a very good one to focus on. I expect this to be a journey with no end, just an easing of the pain over time. Thank you again!

EarthSpirit I don't know how you posted this here and you did not do anything wrong but if you want your posts to be seen and replied to by your age group...when you so to the born in the 40's page scroll down to where there are posts ( comments) from other WV people in that age group for more response. The posts are not titled there. I think Soaring Spiriits is a different branch of widowed village and you might not reach as many like-aged folks as if you post further down the page. Just a suggestion. It's kinda overwhelming when you get here I know. Anyway, welcome. laurajay

I am so very sorry for your loss. It will be 3 years since my husband passed and the journey has been with plenty of ups and downs. I have made progress but on the difficult days it feels like I am going backward. I recall the hospice counselor told me that I had to find a new purpose and I knew he was right but I had no idea on how to do that. The most important thing in the early months is to make sure you are eating well and getting enough sleep-in other words take care of your body. What has been difficult is finding friends to do things with. The world is centered on couples and I am not yet to the point when I can travel alone. I have a wonderful family and grandchildren but they have their own lives. Just focus on one day at a time. That is all we can do. God bless

Thank you Summergirl. After losing 9 pounds (off a very small frame to start with), I’ve been cooking and eating well for the past months. Only 7 more pounds to go; I do sleep well, which is a miracle as well as a gift. At the same time my husband was in crisis, Hurricane Irma was bearing down on me in Central FL. I’ve always been a rather strong person, but at the time I felt barely tethered to reality. I still can’t bear to think back and unpack those days; but what’s the point now in any case? I’m very lucky to have two single friends who keep me close with activities, theater, museums, dinners. But I understand about being with couples; except for one very close couple, I just haven’t gone there. My husband and I traveled extensively, and that will be my next hurdle. But only to visit family here in the U.S. No more foreign travel for me. I volunteer and paint in oil as a hobby. As you say: one day at a time. Thank you for writing...and listening :-)