Lana’s Story

Lana* felt uncomfortable around her neighbour. He kept overstepping the mark by being pushy and intrusive; inviting himself over and generally ‘offering to help her’. Lana didn’t want his help but worried that she was being unfriendly or rude if she said no. Then she realised he’d been spying on her in her own home. Her stalker has the hallmarks of an “Unwanted Admirer” type.

How Can You Recognise An ‘Unwanted Admirer’ Stalker?

The Unwanted Admirer is besotted with you and desperately wants an intimate relationship.

Wants to be loved by you but does not realise that their quest is hopeless.

Wants to start a relationship with you that can grow into an intimate relationship.

Has never been in an intimate relationship with you

Will probably be a stranger or brief acquaintance

Is not driven by fantasy like The Suitor but by a desperate desire for closeness

Is usually lonely or lustful

Does not know what normal ‘courting’ behaviour is

Poor at making any social contacts

Makes insistent intrusive demands on you – the sort that a ‘normal’ person could be expected to know would be inappropriate

Believes they are entitled to a relationship with you whether you want one or not

Is NOT engrossed in the fantasy of loving and being loved back

Often gives up after relatively short period of intensive stalking if convinced their approach is unsuccessful

Likely to watch and follow you rather than send letters or be violent

You can unwittingly encourage this stalker by misplaced politeness or by trying to be kind or gentle when saying that you do not want a relationship with them

The Unwanted Admirer may stalk in the following ways:

Repeatedly phoning/texting/emailing/messaging you

Repeatedly using the Internet to publish information about you

Repeatedly pretending to be you on the Internet and posting information

You may find it difficult to tell other people what is happening. Perhaps you’re worried about what they will say? Whether they will believe you or think you are making a fuss about nothing? Even make fun of you?

It is important to tell people, your safety may depend upon other people knowing