Tuesday, May 30, 2017

It's not officially summer, yet somehow I have already developed a case of the summer doldrums. (What kind of word is that? "Doldrums." It sounds like a flower. Or maybe a disease. Or perhaps a flower that causes a disease. "I caught the doldrums and, Lordy, I thought I was gonna die!") I spent the morning in the office today and then went off to have lunch with God and a friend. Not that God isn't my friend. I just felt like some flesh and blood might be nice. No matter. My friend didn't show up. God did.

So we talked.

"Excuse me, God. I think I have the doldrums."

"Is that a flower?"

"With all due respect, Sir, you made them. I think you would know if it were."

That's is pretty much how it went. Me, complaining about my current state of placid soulfulness. Him, listening without so much as an occasional "Uh-huh. Tell me more." But, as I explained to Jehovah, life is good. Everybody is healthy except an occasional puking spell by a grandchild (I'm looking at you, Liam Kelly.) Our church is doing well except that three of my best friends are moving away thanks to an eternally restless United States Air Force. The Cubs are hovering around .500 which is a sad surprise. I guess it's still early and I haven't written them off yet. So I have no real reason for the doldrums.

But there they are.

Then my phone rang. It was a funeral home. Somebody died and they want me to do the funeral. I don't know them, so I don't know how they know me. Maybe I'm becoming known locally as, "Mr. Funeral?" I don't know how I feel about that. Anyway, I said I would do the service on Friday morning. Then, as funeral directors are apt to do, they dropped the other shoe.

"I feel that I should tell you that this family is a bit ... "

"It's alright. This is a safe place. Just say it."

"Eccentric. And ..."

"Yes?"

"Belligerent."

"Oh. Now that's probably something I would have liked to know before I agreed to this event, don't you think?"

"They did ask for you by name. Are you sure you don't know them?"

"I don't know them."

"One of them is married to his third cousin. His name is David. And his name is Curt. They like to dress alike. And Curt likes to push people around. I buried their mother and ... I think second cousin. Yeah. Second cousin."

"David's mother is Curt's second cousin?"

"Correct."

"David is married to Curt."

"I think you've got it."

"Do they have children?"

"Probably not."

"Anything else you think I should know?"

"Isn't that enough?"

"See you Friday."

Guys. I can't make stuff like this up.

That's when I noticed ... adrenaline. Adrenaline! My old friend! I've missed you! And the doldrums ... they vanished! I just needed a good dose of eccentricity! Have you ever noticed God seems to work best when life is its most unpredictable? At least, that's been true in my life. So now I am just waiting and praying for Friday. David and Curt and the entire family will get to hear about Jesus! And I get to live out the reason I was created in the first place.

And I'd like to thank my friend for not showing up for lunch. It was the best lunch we never had!