Invitation: Inside my Anxious Thoughts

I’ve had a crazy past couple of weeks. My anxiety has been through the roof, my stress levels are increasing as I approach different seasons in my life, and I can literally feel my body changing due to all of this. When I don’t feel good mentally, my physical appearance is a direct reflection of that. With my schedule being more and more demanding, I have neglected the gym and my usual eating habits. Not only do I not look good, but I don’t feel good either. There’s nothing worse than not having your full mental capacity and on top of that, not feeling good about yourself either. It’s like a never ending cycle of not feeling like enough. It’s dangerous to fall into this downward spiral and honestly, it happens more often than I want to admit. I’ll have a solid month of going to every workout, acing every exam, and checking everything off my to-do list at work.

Then, boom.

One unexpected meeting or appointment comes out of nowhere and throws me completely off schedule. That unexpected appointment kept me from my usual routine which threw my whole week off, and that’s how I end up in this deep, dark pit of anxiety. My racing mind reminding me constantly that I have something to do, that I missed that workout and that’s why I’ll never reach my fitness goals, that I have a pile of laundry sitting in my closet, that I haven’t called to check on my family members in a while, that I should be a better friend, that I should’ve remembered to write that appointment down and I wouldn’t be here in the first place. Sometimes it can be so hard to get myself out of a rut, and it’s even harder to explain to people who are not me. It is hard to be an anxious person when everyone tries to tell you how to feel. No, I can’t just “let it go” and yes, I am “stressed” a lot. I don’t need you to tell me “it’s not a big deal” because I promise you, I realize that. What’s important is that I have positive coping strategies and I always come out on top. My anxiety works on its own time and it is a daily struggle to fight for what I want for the day. The reason I always try to stay so positive is because I know what negative thoughts and words can do. Negativity will drain you, and enough of it will kill you. That is why I am a huge advocate of self care. If you aren’t happy with you, take the initiative and start within before you attempt to build relationships or even interact with other people. Always try to be the light. When you can’t be the light, be a spark until you light up ❤️