I do not like Porno For Pyros. At all. I know some people are sensitive about them. I know they only have one album (I think; I’m not gonna go look). I just don’t like them. I also can’t remember why I bothered to split my face between the two center panels, or what the change in shirt was supposed to indicate. Maybe I was mad for a really long time. It’s not like that’s a rare occurrence.

Imagine if you will, a world parallel to our own, identical in many ways, disparate in others. Long story short, in this mirror universe, Bands I Useta Like was optioned by a major independent film studio, and made into a hit movie. It combined animation and live action, and because the producers had deep pockets, licensing songs for a decent soundtrack wasn’t a problem.

Whether I allowed the film to be produced at all was contingent upon the quality of the music choices. If they balked at a crucial song, or refused to include it, I would walk off the project. Which I did, and they replaced me on-screen with a real actor. Like I said, the movie was a hit.

The 2-disc soundtrack sold out of stores overnight. Even though it came packed in that shitty double jewel-box, which just winds up broken, on the floor of a car.