4.08.2005

Coming This Fall!

Here's my idea for a sitcom. It's called That's My Jesus! and it's based on the concept that Christ's Ascension into heaven was just a cover story, a sort of divine Witness Protection Program, and that Jesus really went back into business as a carpenter, under a different name. The show picks up Jesus's life twenty years on, after he's built up a successful carpentry business ("Joshua Josephson Carpentry, Inc.").

Peculiarly (or fittingly), Israel circa 50 CE looks a lot like the mythical Southern California of sitcom fame (of course, that's also where it's filmed), and the overall look is a cross between '60s/'70s SoCal sitcom and The Flintstones (the cartoon - even though this is live-action - not the movie).

The fifty-three-year-old Jesus (played by John Goodman) turns out to look quite a bit like Elvis in his later years. He's put on a good amount of weight; he's shaved his beard, cut his hair, and slicked it back into a jet-black dyed pompadour, accompanied by classic 1970s Elvis sideburns. He even has a propensity for heavy rhinestoned sunglasses and blinding white sequined, uh, robes. (This is still the first century CE, you know...) He's now semi-retired and has married a nice Jewish girl, Mary (played by Rhea Perlman). Mary's sort of a new-agey, former hippie type, with long, graying hair - and her involvement in various pseudo-mystical isms drives Jesus bats. Several secondary characters provoke situations and drive plots: Jesus's old buddy, Nick (played by Ringo Starr, in a bald wig, beard, and long stringy dark hair) - who's constantly trying to get him involved in various harebrained schemes a la The Honeymooners - most prominent among them. Jesus also has an uptight, idiotic young employee (played by Christian Slater), only ever seen in a suit and tie, whose conformity and utter cluelessness motivate a few plots and always provide the butt for jokes. (Yes, here it's sorta All in the Family with generations reversed.) Periodically, the Old Man (who is never named, not even called "Dad" - we just assume who he is) drops by...even though he's omnipotent and all, he insists on being embodied as a decrepit Floridian elder...faded plaid Bermuda shorts and Izod polo, sandals with black socks pulled up to his knees, big ugly thick plastic glasses, and a walker. (I'm seeing George Carlin with some age makeup in this recurring guest role.) He is nevertheless always accompanied by the usual choral swells (which might just be what he's listening to on his special silvery gleaming iPod) and glowing light. He's a bit demanding, of course, and is a bit disappointed that Jesus never really lived up to his expectations.

(Note: I needed divine intervention just to get Blogger to work these days...)

4 comments:

You know, of course, that one of the networks is already doing a pilot for a proposed fall "Jesus" series, right? It's set in modern times, but I don't remember who is playing Christ. I don't think it's John Goodman. It's basically Touched by an Angel with Jesus (and wacky sidekick) instead of angels.

Rog - I did not know that. It frightens me. I also did not know that you'd posted your comment...since Blogger's notification function has gone kablooey. Damn...someone's probably commenting on a post from a year and a half ago and offering me a billion dollars...only I won't see it, because I won't have been notified that a comment was posted. This never happened to Pablo Picasso.

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