But it's still on the list . . .

September 2007

09/27/2007

Well, you know it's gotten bad when my wife, the lovely Ladybug, thinks I'm being a fool to put up with the lateness.

Yesterday, I was delayed leaving the office by 30 minutes. This isn't a dire situation, I can make it to daycare if I leave at 4:30, but it requires that people not have accidents on the freeway. That's not something I like to count on all the time.

The real problem was that I got the same old song and dance of, "Just a couple more minutes," until finally she said she'd just stay late and have her husband come and get her. That irked me a lot. It's fine if you want to stay late and not carpool home with me, but don't wait half an hour before deciding that. Especially when it now means that not only am I leaving late, but I cannot partake of the carpool lane on the freeway. It just sort of compounds the problem.

It was compounded more when I discovered that, even without the carpool lane, I can get the kids and get home at about the same time without her. If we leave (around) 4, I drive her home, then cut across to get the kids. Even with the carpool lane, it means I get the kids at close to 5. Yesterday, I didn't have the carpool lane, but I didn't have to cut across to get the kids either. I just drove straight up and got them. I got there at about 5.

Later in the evening, around 9:30, she called to say she just got home and that she wouldn't be carpooling with me in the morning.

If I don't carpool in the morning, I leave at 6 AM instead of (around) 6:30, which means, again, that I miss a lot of the traffic, and it doesn't take me very long to get in. I am usually in the office by 6:30. It took me 26 minutes and 22 seconds to get here this morning. I know this because that's how long my BBC Global News podcast was this morning: I started it as I backed out of my driveway, and it restarted just as I parked in the parking lot at work.

Ladybug says with all this that I am getting no benefit from the carpool, and merely having to deal with a lot of hassle for little reward. Carpool buddy has no car, so it's always me driving. She's been on time once, but balance that with the time she forgot to set her alarm and I wasted 20 minutes waiting for her to no avail. We always leave the office later than 4 PM. I am getting no time savings in travel time, and I am wasting a significant amount of time waiting around for her all the time. Early on, I told her I didn't want any gas money because, well, I'd be making the trip anyway, and we get reimbursed for mileage by the company.

The benefits are really all hers. I'm not saving any money, I'm not saving any wear and tear on my car, I'm not saving any time. The warm glow I used to feel from helping out someone in need has long been eclipsed by my growing annoyance at her attitude that I am some sort of taxi service.

I guess it's time to have another chat with her about timing. I think, from now on, I will leave at 4 PM and she can be in my car or not. In the mornings, I will be moving the time up to 6:15, and I will wait at her apartment complex from 6:05 to 6:15 and then leave, again, with or without her. Yeah, it's unreasonable, but so is the amount of effort I have been putting in to, essentially, provide charity to someone who, frankly, doesn't seem at all appreciative. More like entitled.

09/26/2007

Hey, I know I post a lot of tirades against the TSA. Now, there's something we can do. A little anyway. We can all request our records. Been on a plane lately? Then it's likely that a DHS Travel Dossier exists on you. Request it.

I'm getting mine, if only to confirm that our Government Overlords have correct information. When I got my credit report one year, it had me listed as having a Sears credit card 7 years before I was born. Of course, my credit report isn't keeping me from flying, or tagging me as a potential terrorist. Which is why I want my dossier.

09/25/2007

There is this news. As a long-time Mac user, I find this interesting. There has been a certain amount of hand wringing about this on various forums. I happen to run one of the systems that will soon be declared obsolete, an iMac, the one that looks like a lamp. I've been using it since 2002, before my first daughter, Lotus, was born. It's a workhorse, and has done everything I've asked it to over the years: editing photos, making videos of the kids and family, playing games, and all sorts of other good stuff. Short of playing games like Halo, it can still do pretty much anything.

So what does it mean to be obsolete anyway? To me, it just means I won't be getting any more system updates. I have two other "obsolete" systems in my home. One is running Mac OS 9.1, and it works fine for running educational software for Lotus. She not only enjoys it, she can run it herself, because it's extremely simple. Another even older one rarely gets booted up anymore, so it is truly obsolete: a Mac SE/30 from 1991 running System 7. I used that for playing really old games, like the original Oregon Trail. It turns out I can play those really old games virtually using Mini vMac emulation. Off a flash drive no less. So, yeah, I guess that 1991 system really is obsolete now, 16 years after it was built, and at least 10 years since the last update to the system software was available. To put that in context, I might be using my current system to help my daughter register for High School. Egad. Frankly, I'll probably turn it in to a file server or something. It's still a perfectly good system, it just won't be running the latest and greatest software.

However, 5 years is a pretty good return on investment for a computer. I'll be getting a new iMac when the next OS X release comes out in October, the one that ends support for my current iMac. Like last time, I'll shell out the cash to get all the bells and whistles in it. With luck, again, it will last me 5 years. And then? Maybe the OS 9.1 system will have to finally be mothballed.

09/24/2007

Babies will put anything in their mouths. While I did know this already, it was hammered home when we discovered Tesla outside the tent with a dirt mustache. We're presuming she didn't eat a bug. She did try to eat a rock, and also a very fuzzy caterpillar.

Everyone in the party needs to be able to handle their own shoes. One of the minor annoyances was that Lotus has not started putting her own shoes on. This means that whenever she wanted to get out of the tent, or get in the tent, adult supervision was required. This wouldn't have been so bad, except that she started acting like a house cat shortly after we arrived.

A Dodge Magnum will sink quickly in loose rubble. We ended up letting it roll itself out, and then turning around and heading back to camp.

Corollary: if you're going to drive an SUV for "off-road" use, make sure it's got four wheel drive, or else you're going to look like a moron when you can't get your Mitsubishi Montero up a slightly damp hill. Maybe if you hadn't been playing lame college rock music at 11:30 at night in the forest, we would have taken pity on you. As it was, we had a good laugh. Park your soccer mom "truck" somewhere more intelligent next time.

Hiking up a creek bed is hard. Doing it with two small children in tow is next to impossible.

Teaching a young girl how to pee in the woods is not something I am good at.

You have to be very careful what you say around the campfire. I'm hoping Lotus doesn't repeat something she heard at school today. Suffice it to say, it was a piece of crude boy humor around the campfire, and Lotus was more than happy to repeat it, which got a huge laugh from everyone, but isn't something one would want her to say in mixed company. If you don't mind some foul language, I'd be happy to message it to you privately.

Chopping wood is a great way to work off stress and aggression. The reason we're having so many problems with the Middle East? Not enough trees.

Camping in the rain is pleasant, but only when the rain stops regularly enough for you to get things done (like cooking, cleaning, and packing your tent).

Lotus likes camping. And she likes S'mores. And her Daddy was prescient enough to make her one before dinner, because the rain closed in pretty rapidly before we were able to eat.

Two conditions will be satisfied before we go camping again: Lotus will manage her own clothes and shoes, and Tesla will not be sleeping in a crib.

Well, that's about the size of it. We had a really good time, and no one got eaten by a bear. However, a skunk did sneak in to camp, and drag off the bag of marshmallows. However, it only dragged the bag across the stream. We found it there in the morning. The contents were still intact, but the bag had a couple of holes chewed in it. Ladybug surprised me again by saying, "Well, we're going to set them on fire anyway, no harm in eating them."

09/21/2007

So, last night, we're getting into the final stretch of preparing for our camping trip. Last minute packing. Getting the car loaded up. Making sure we have the tools (and the talent, it's Miller time!). Putting the flask of scotch in the car, and then taking it out again, because the car will be parked in the hot sun all day until we're ready to leave.

We get all this taken care of, and then Ladybug and I get ready for bed. She's in the bed reading the latest Terry Pratchett novel. She sort of looks up and asks me, "Are their going to be guns there? I think you said Earth was bringing some guns?"

Freeze frame.

I've been married to Ladybug for over 5 years. We knew each other in High School. So, I think I know my wife pretty well. I had indeed said that Earth was going to bring firearms, but I did so in passing, while she was busy baking something, so that I could avoid the inevitable discussion about my drunken reprobate friends and firearms and small children. She's against spanking. We don't own a gun. She wouldn't let Lotus even touch my camp axe. So, I felt like this was a discussion that was going to go nowhere fast, and probably result in an all out row about my friends' inherent irresponsibility because they are all childless.

Unfreeze.

"Yes, my dearest, there will be guns there."

"Good."

"Because, you see . . . wait, what?"

"Well, you said it was bear and mountain lion country, so it just makes sense to have some weaponry just in case, right?"

"Er, well, yes. Yes, of course it does." Now, I had rehearsed this discussion about a thousand times, and it wasn't going the way I expected. Still, I'm not one to abandon a discussion just because we both agree already. It might be a man thing. More likely it's an I'm-stubborn-as-a-mule-and-love-to-argue thing. So, I launched into my justifications. "I've asked the boys to make sure they keep the guns in a car where the kids can't get to them."

"What good are is a gun going to do us if it's in a car? Shouldn't it be in the tent with someone?"

"Uh, OK, but what about the kids? Aren't you worried about them getting out and getting at one?"

"Nope. One of us will be sleeping across the entrance of the tent at night, so no one will get in or out without us knowing, and during the day, someone will have the weapon on hand, right?"

"Er . . . yes, I suppose that's all correct, really. You know, this isn't really going the way I expected it to."

"I can tell," she said. And went back to reading. Problem not just solved, but avoided completely.

09/20/2007

Yeah, I missed a day. Honestly, I had nothing interesting to say. Plus, Lotus was home from school with a pain in her side. A quick trip to the doc revealed it was nothing serious.

We're getting closer to the camping trip now. I'm sure we'll have a good time, but I am starting to get a little concerned that I've forgotten something. I will call the rest of the team today to ensure we've got all the coverage we need for the trip now.

Called Disneyland yesterday, to get all our tickets sorted out for our trip in October. In addition to the basic park passes and hotel, we're going to the Halloween party in California Adventure on the 18th, and then Ladybug and I will be taking the Happiest Haunts tour on the 19th while my parents babysit. We're driving out Thursday morning. Now, we do normally drive, but we did consider flying this year, because we're staying at the Grand Californian, so we won't need a car at all (Disney has shuttles to and from the nearest airports). But, well, the TSA hassles make it not really worth it, and also, incidentally, absorb most of the time saving that flying would have given us.

We're going to Quebec next May for our big trip of the year, so we're working out the plans for that. Rental car is a must, and we'll need to arrange flights (sadly, there's no way around it). There doesn't appear to be any direct flight from Phoenix to Montreal, which is highly annoying as it means we'll have to do that stupid customs thing again on the way back, like we did coming back from Costa Rica, in which we have to make our way to immigration, have our passports cursorily examined, collect our bags, roll them past a customs agent who couldn't care less to look in them, and then make it through the TSA's little security theater all in whatever narrow window the airline gives us, along with two small children and this time without the help of friends traveling with us. It's a huge stressful waste of time right at the end of a trip, and I'd rather be able to do it in Phoenix where (a) we don't have another plane to catch and (b) we won't have to deal with the fascists in the TSA. Yes, fascists.

We're also going to Vegas the first weekend in December (driving, of course, because of the TSA). We're trying to sort out if anyone wants to join us. We're burning a bunch of points on our timeshare, so we're getting a three bedroom apartment. Accommodations are provided, for the low, low rate of an evening's babysitting while Ladybug and I got out for a nice dinner.

While we're on the topic, I will be heading to Burbank on business. I checked into it, and the TSA's absurd regulations means that my total travel time (as defined by when I leave my home to the time I arrive in Burbank) is approximately doubled. My flight is about 90 minutes. Back in the old days, when security was less theatrical, I could arrive at the airport about half an hour before my flight if I wasn't checking bags and I already had my tickets. I'd get metal detected in short order, my bag would be scanned, and I'd be at my gate about 15 minutes before take off. Now, it's recommended that I arrive at the airport 90 minutes before any flight. So, I've added an extra hour to my travel time, for what? So that the TSA can make me take my shoes off, force me to practically unpack everything (my laptop has to be in it's own tray - why?), and ensure that I can't take any toothpaste on the plane? Yeah, that's a great trade-off, especially when they can't even stop boxcutters. Thankfully, the EU has passed a resolution saying that the whole liquid ban is a farce. Maybe they'll stop enforcing it soon. Then stop with the shoes. Then dismantle the TSA entirely, and maybe I'll be happy.

09/18/2007

For all you married gents out there, here's a helpful hint. Be careful what you brandish around your wife.

Let's start a list, shall we?

New camp axe.

Now, granted, that's not a long list. But I did get a new camp axe over the weekend. It's a Gerber. Which, of course, since we have a baby in the house, causes a certain amount of confusion in her brain. Gerber things are for babies, right? Anyway, this new camp axe is pretty awesome. It's well balanced, has a good weight to it, and, frankly, I wanted to get used to the feel of it (read: play with it). So, I decided to get a few figure 8 swings in, just to see how it feels. Plus, I have it on good authority that when the military comes to my house to arrest me under the Government Knows Best Act, the soldiers will be somewhat stymied by such movements. It won't keep them from shooting me dead, but it should give the wife enough time to run away with the children.

I suppose part of the problem was that I was doing this close to the very old, very expensive, very wooden piano. But that's the only place in the house where I wouldn't have hit the ceiling, or a ceiling fan. Anyway, she told me to stop. Well, asked, but asked in that special wife way that is really telling. So I stopped, and just sat with it on the couch. Which evidently wasn't "stopped" enough.

I eventually put it away, but only after trying it on with the sheath. Which side does one wear an axe, anyway? I'm right handed, so I figured it'd be on the left side. That's the way it is with swords anyway.

09/17/2007

This coming weekend, we're going to be heading for the hills to go camping. It will be the first time camping for everyone in the family except me. We're going with a bunch of experienced campers, so that should help a bit. And we're not going for long, just two nights. However, it's been about 20 years since I last did any actual camping, so that means there was a lot of outfitting to be done. Case in point, I can't get my vintage Coleman lantern to fire up. I guess sitting unused for 20 years in a shed in the Arizona heat isn't good for the gaskets. I fired up my Studebaker shortly after discovering that the lantern was dead. This makes perfect sense to some people. Anyway, I had a lot of shopping to do.

My company, knowingly or otherwise, has helped out a lot. I received an appreciation award which I redeemed for a sleeping bag. A nice one, really. It's a king size Coleman, rated to 20 °F. I also recently got an award for leadership, which came with a $100 gift card, which covered the upgrade from a 4 man to an 8 man tent. And, last but not least, for my stellar work teaching a course under extreme duress, I got a $50 gift card to Cabela's.

What's Cabela's? I had no idea either, but the website showed a lot of outdoorsy gear. Seemed like a good place for a gift card, since REI, where I usually do a lot of outfitting, wasn't an option. On Sunday, I took the fam out to the Cabela's here in Glendale.

It's huge.

Let me just stop and say that again.

It's huge.

There's a whole airplane inside, hanging over the cafe. There's a 40,000 gallon aquarium. There are stuffed and mounted animals of all stripes, even an elephant. There's an indoor archery range. There's a mountain in there. The place in general is like what you would get if the NRA and REI got together and opened a store. It was great. The cafe had buffalo and venison and elk. The camping area was huge, and had pretty much everything you can think of. I went well over my $50. I even got a titanium spork. No, I'm not kidding.

In any case, it was a fun trip, and we're all set for the camping trip.

09/14/2007

I don't, as a rule, handle stress. I've trained myself to, actually, not handle stress. Why? Because if you're good at it, all you end up with is more stress until you reach the point where you can't handle it any longer. Better to reach that point earlier rather than later, so that the break you have to take is shorter rather than longer. When I look at someone like Lindsay Lohan, all I can think is, man, that chick can really handle a lot of stress. Until she can't. And then look at the crash. I'd rather spend one day at home with all over body aches because my brain is fed up with me not listening when it comes to stress levels, than have to check into rehab because my coping methods all involve drugs and alcohol and driving like an idiot.

What I'm saying is, I'm at home sick today, so this post is both late and short.

09/13/2007

Is the person in front of you able to see you in his rearview mirror? It's easy to tell. You should be able to sort of spot the driver's eyes in their interior mirror. If, however, the mirror is completely askew, such as might be the case if the driver were, oh, let's say, fixing her hair while driving, that's trouble.

Are you able to see both of the driver's hands? And further, are neither of them anywhere near the wheel? Like, say, one is teasing out her hair, and the other is operating a hair spray can? That's trouble.

Are you driving behind this person at rush hour on the freeway in the carpool lane? While that's not trouble in and of itself, it's certainly one of the worst times to be doing your hair.

Would you like to compound the problem by taking a photo of this person's car so you can remember it for later? Make sure to wait until she swerves back into your lane, so that you can get a good shot.

Yeah, watch out for this one, folks. What's worse is that her passenger sat there doing nothing. Clearly, could have been driving the car. On the other hand, if Ms. Salon-On-Wheels didn't trust her friend to drive the car, maybe the passenger isn't much of a driver in comparison. Maybe we're better off.