i'm really such a lady

I Googled a Lupe Fiasco song for this title

Back in the day when I was young (I’m not a kid anymore) my parents used to drive my three sisters and me down to RI and back every summer weekend. When my sister Meg lived in Florida, she drove over 24 hours non-stop to Maine more than once. Since last October, my mom’s put nearly 30,000 miles on a rental car, in addition to the miles she’s put on her own.

We get our drive on.

That’s why driving 6 hours to Pennsylvania, like I did the other day, ain’t no thang. I just put the AC on blast, get my my seat lean on, bump the radio, and cruise the crap out of my Pontiac Vibe.

But, just because I’m used to cruising the crap out of cars, doesn’t mean I particularly like it. It only takes a few miles into a trip before the air conditioning malfunctions, my back hunches, and Chris Brown’s “yellow model chicks” have me wishing my speakers would blow. Luckily, as I’m known to do, I’ve found a fun way to pass the time while driving: daydreaming.

Over the past 22 years I’ve perfected the art of daydreaming. It’s helped me through countless boring classes, boring jobs, boring workouts, and other boring occasions. If you’re looking for a way to get through something boring, let me suggest the daydreams I always find myself back at:

1.I save up for years to buy a $600 video camera. Hours after buying it, I let my sister Beanie borrow it to do some filming at the beach. She, the spazoid she is, drops it into the water moments after I hand it to her. She looks at me with horror (and, at the same time, remorse). But not to fear! I’m not going to beat her up (though she knows I could), ’twas only an accident. I won’t even make her buy me a new one! I’m that nice!

2. I’m a really good dirt biker and can travel really quickly by jumping from roof to roof.

3. I’m a really good skateboarder and can travel really quickly by latching onto the backs of 18-wheelers.

4.As I jalk (jog/walk) down a remote dirt road, I see a bear emerge from the woods. Though I’m initially scared, I sense a kindness in his eyes. And it’s a good thing I do! Turns out he’s not only kind, but also fluent in English. We become fast friends. By the end of the day he introduces me to his newborn cubs.

Picture I took while babysitting

5. All the cars in the northbound lane are fleeing from a giant in a hammock somewhere in Rhode Island. Apparently they don’t know that giants in hammocks are never violent.

Hope this helped — if you need more suggestions, let me know!

P.S. I’m not trying to pretend that 90% of my daydreams 90% of my day isn’t spent daydreaming about serendipitously running into Patrick Stump/other studs, falling in love, and getting proposed to prematurely. I just didn’t think anyone needed advice on how to daydream about that.