The Military of United Nations, or more tersely known as the Trattorian Empire, is a large empire spanning 150 systems and has the ability to conduct inter-galactic voyages. In fact, 3 systems lie outside this galaxy and supply the attinium needed to make the inter-galactic voyages possible and economical. It also has a huge military arm in proportion to its size, and one of the most highly advanced science and research communities in the galaxy. The government has the exact same organization as the government of the USA, with a bicameral legislature, a president and lower executives, and a court system. The only difference is the elusive fourth branch, a council of 5 scientists, that seems to have absolute power yet no power, with many theories on what it actually does. It is best not discussed with Trattorians in polite company. Recently, with the overthrow of the government by Intelligence Director Siri, it has been replaced with an absolute kaiserdom.

Trattorians have demonstrated technological prowess in its military forces, having built SHIPs and Super-Tanks, along with other classified black-ops projects and more mundane upgrades to the rest of the military. The size of the army is considered impressive by most, and while it does seem to suffer a smaller infantry force than most other nearby empires, it makes up for that with a large amount of vehicles and an extensive navy that puts nearby ones to shame.

A sample of all the units in the Trattorian Army, minus the Mecha Corps.

A Trattorian Navy Group

History of Trattoria

The history of the empire is relatively uninteresting, as it has only been in existence for 20 years. Many philosophize and wonder why they are there, and who dropped them there. According to one theory, they in fact are the survivors of an escape ship from a large 5-galaxy dominion that fought a long and bloody war of 500 years against another galaxies-spanning dominion led by a man with a flaming skull. Whether the Trattorians’ mother empire won or lost is unknown, but at the time of the launching of the escape ships, the galaxies were in a horrible condition and the dominion was crumbling and burning. The fleet of massive ships were ambushed and only one escaped, albeit slightly damaged. Few actually believe the theory because its source, a history textbook, states such impossible things as an undead who can live forever and had his head constantly on fire, among other things.

Regardless, the Trattorians know as solid fact that they were space-dropped onto a habitable planet at the fringe of this galaxy, along with blueprints for war-machines as well as resources. They began building, and within a year, launched a spaceship into the next system. The colonization has been unstoppable since then, until it stopped at 150 systems due to security concerns. The last five systems colonized, the farthest away, demonstrated these problems as they broke away to form the Paladins against the Peaches.

The Trattorians later pieced together the fate of the colony ship that dropped them. In fact, it zoomed towards the opposite fringe of the galaxy, where it self-destructed over a seemingly barren planet so as to prevent the discovery of inter-galactic travel and hopefully ensure that they would never meet the Flaming Skull and his terrible army again. Alas, the self-destruct mechanism was damaged by the Flaming Skull’s ships as it attempted to leave the extra-galactic war, and so a couple war machine blueprints and a bar of shiny silver metal survived, propelled into the territory of a now-obliterated empire, Nyphilis...

The silver bar, known by its name of antimortallium, survived the immortal invasion somehow and ended up in Trattoria, where the government immediately discovered neutrinas, and soon after, inter-galactic ships, much to the displeasure of Trattoria’s long-dead forefathers...

Recently, an intelligence director by the name of Siri overthrew the government of Trattoria and established herself as the infallible Kaiser of Trattoria. She has done a complete 360 of all of Trattoria's policies, making Trattoria a member of the TA. She has established for herself the position of foreign relations and intelligence in the Third Alliance.

Politics of Trattoria

Trattoria never was very active in Galactic Politics and has no wish to be. Due to its exact coincidental aesthetic similarity with the much hated Nyphilian Empire, it knows that it too is hated throughout the galaxy, especially by a mystical man with a flaming skull named Warhead of the Immortals, who the Trattorians allied against just to be safe.

Due to its exact, coincidental similarity as far as looks go, it has gained all the allies and enemies that Nyphilis ever had, is anti-immortal, is anti-peach(but not genocidal) and in formal trade and military agreement with the Avalonians. Nobody knows what Trattoria does in its extra-galactic colonies, but sources indicate relations with the natives has been very strained, particularly when the Trattorians nuked their home planet to bits and relocated them to the system’s asteroid belt. Native revolt is imminent, but as usual, the bureaucrats refuse to take action.

Warhead has recently been spreading around a rumor that Trattoria was swallowed by an unstable singularity. This is in fact an absolute lie designed to outrage and butthurt the president of Trattoria and thereby shame the country, perhaps gaining a reason to ally with everyone and invade. Instead, Trattoria is cleaning out its empire very meticulously. Fedonuker’s recent publicity stunts with artificial antimortallium have brought attention to the metal, giving our anti-immortal friends false hope that antimortallium indeed kills immortals. We therefore maintain our anti-immortal status but will simply return any spies or agents found back to their governments.

Recently, Trattoria has taken an active role in the Allied Nations. During an engagement with the Third Alliance the Trattorians were forced to fire on a Scythian Emperor-class battleship, ruining their relations. Additionally, with Siri's new government Trattoria has joined the TA. Rumors abound of rebel elements within Trattoria, though.

Fedonuker faking the death of an immortal using knock-off antimortallium.

Subsection: Paladins against the Peaches

Once, there was a supreme court case that ruled that all peaches would be enslaved, and may not be killed without scientific reason. This roiled the government for a few years, until a group of congressmen representing the 5 farthest systems of Trattoria got fed up and declared independence. The civil war fought afterwards was bloody as the entire Sector 63 fleet battled against the Paladins’ puny excuse of a navy. Their leader, the Yellow Spaceman, was a tactical genius, but was still on the losing side, only capturing one planet, until the Silvarians decided to help them. After that, they combined their navies and launched an assault on the planet next to Trattoria. Despite losing 7/8 of their fleet, they managed to send out fighters and bombers at a city on the surface and wrecked it. The Trattorians, demoralized, agreed to leave them be but still retained an intense hatred of them. Since then the Paladins against the Peaches have expanded 5 more systems from their original 5, and have launched numerous peach-genocide campaigns, as well as developing their own formidable army and navy.

A group of Paladins against the Peaches with their leader, the Yellow Spaceman