Posts Tagged with "theft"

Back in February, Robert “Vanilla Ice” Van Winkle was arrested and charged for the theft of a pool heater, a few bicycles and other items from a Florida home. He fist claimed that the items were curbside, however, later changed his story that it was all a misunderstanding. Unfortunately, I believe this was the same kind of rationalization which led him a to a guilty verdict for plagiarism in a case brought forward by David Bowie and Queen back in the 80’s… Today, Mr. Ice accepted a plea deal that allows him to make $1300 in restitution to the victims of his theft and perform 100 hours of Community Service with Habitat for Humanity — and stay out of jail.

I think I need a 12-step program. I have a major problem that, no matter how much effort I put into it, I can’t seem to fix.

Big T comes to my office now and then to visit. One afternoon, he popped by and asked us, “Do you have any string or twine or anything around here. I need about 2 feet of it.”

I, forever and always being the helpful & loving wife that I am, say, “Well baby, I have this left over blue ribbon from the bridesmaid bouquets if that’ll work.”

I toss him the ribbon and think nothing else of it. He says he loves me, gives me kisses and goes on his merry little way.

Fast-forward to 5:15pm, when I get home from work. I come in as usual and Big T gives me my hugs and kisses as I head upstairs to start dinner… when it caught my eye…

That ass-munch had duct-taped the ribbon to his lighter that sits on the end table. The other end of the ribbon was inserted into the slate slabs that make the top of the table. It looked like one of those pens that the bank tries to keep safe by chaining them to the teller spots.