My little pickled onion head

You hated me telling people I called you that and you hated it when you were little or maybe you secretly liked it… I can’t ask you anymore.
You were my little brother I loved you since the day I saw you in the hospital screaming. You had everything or so we thought – family, children successful job, but it was never enough to overcome the demons that were living in your head. That day I found out you were missing I knew you had left us. I have never felt anything like it. I tried to stay strong for mom and dad and your family but deep down you had left us and I knew.
What went through your head standing on a bridge after a nice night out? Was it a split minute decision? I don’t know… what I do know is that I will miss you until the day I die. I keep waiting for you to ring and say they got it wrong but they won’t. I don’t know how to move on without you. How do you get over this? I live with knowing you were my handsome little brother and I love you. xxx…