I know this isn't Syria or anything of that much importance to anybody but my family. But as a Conservative I think it's important to talk about kids and how they're treated and what we expect of them.

Honor roll niece is a member of an undefeated team in her sport. We go to watch her games, she is in HS and has been a Varsity starter for 3 years since 8th grade and was made a Captain this year.

After she started seeing a little less playing time, she respectfully (I watched her do this) asked if there was something she needed to do to improve, a certain skill she needed to work on. Nope, everything was fine, just getting some other girls some playing time against the "easier" teams.

Then suddenly an e-mail from the coach saying she lacked in every skill area, listing all skill areas, performed horribly in tryouts, has been a negative for the team as a whole (scoring wise not attitude or effort), and more negative comments, I can't remember them all, the e-mail was on my sister's phone as we were in the parking lot going to nieces game. Obviously the coach sent it out during the school day, so much for teaching! I asked if she (niece) had seen the e-mail, or if the coach had said something. Not that my sister knew of. So we approached the field thinking niece would be unhappy and on the bench. We got there just as the game was starting and niece is in there, starting. Plays 80% of the game and contributes much. We read the e-mail again. All we can figure out is this coach went off because niece asked "how can I improve" as if questioning the coaches coaching ability. My sister says she needs to think about what she's going to do, and doesn't even want to show her daughter the e-mail it's so negative. The coach also plays favorites and likes to have their ass kissed. Niece is friendly and good at the sport so has been able to avoid having to ass kiss or hang out with only certain girls.

Niece loves the sport and would be devastated by the e-mail. But why even send the e-mail when she's still starting, contributing and happy? Why put it in writing for that matter? My sister thinks the e-mail might be directed more at her (the mother) because she voiced some concerns about the program that a group of parents had brought up, and my sister has a big mouth. But they were legitimate concerns. But even if coach is looking to some how "leave a paper trail" as to why niece gets cut next year (may not be needed as much) stats don't lie and they!re in the paper!

Report it to as many authorities as you can. Contact the principal, superintendent, the school board, go through the entire school district if you have to. Bring this to their attention that they have people they have entrusted with roles of authority and significant influence over their kids who have not mentally and emotionally matured past the age of 13. Definitely not something you can let slide.

Don’t tell or involve the niece. You are probably correct that this is about your loud sister, not the niece. Talk to the athletic director or principal. Nobody has a right to playing time, don’t even think that. Parents and students do have a right to expect professional behavior from teachers/coaches.

3
posted on 09/07/2013 1:30:30 AM PDT
by iowamark
(I must study politics and war that my sons may have liberty to study mathematics and philosophy)

I would probably pull her off that team. There is no,point in playing for a contentious coach, as he will be less interested in seeing her improve and be more interested in just being critical of her performance. It’s not, imo, a relationship that can improve. I would be inclined in getting her into something else that she can enjoy, or, put her in her chosen sport, but outside the school.

Besides, if she’s that bad, from the coach’s POV, he won’t miss her. He was also incredibly stupid to have sent anything less than the most professional of emails because it is now documented.

4
posted on 09/07/2013 1:31:41 AM PDT
by Jonty30
(What Islam and secularism have in common is that they are both death cults)

You got it in one - legitimate concerns or not your sister has made the coach feel like he is under attack. I would say leave it alone and let the kids playing speak for itself - tell her to double her efforts to impress!

My niece definitely knows she doesn't have a right to playing time. When her playing time became a little less, she just asked if she was doing something wrong (to improve)and was told no. Tonight's game she played well, and was proud of herself. And we were happy she was happy. But that e-mail was in the back of my mind.

I'd post the whole e-mail if I could get it from my sister, but I don't think she'll give it to me. The last I spoke with her, she was going to let it go for a while and see if more e-mails pop up and see if daughter has been spoken to by the coach, but she didn't think she had.

That’s the weird thing— unless my sister shows her daughter the e-mail, I don’t think niece has ever been made aware of any major issues and doesn’t dislike the coach. She still starts and gets a lot of playing time. What crossed my mind was what kind of e-mail is sent to those that don’t play all that much? Niece loves the sport.

Tell your sister to shut up. You stay out of it and let the coach do his job. If your niece is being treated unfairly, it is a good lesson to learn. Life is not fair and it will never be. For the rest of her life, hundreds if not thousands of situations will be unfair in work, relationships, and friendships.

What does it matter if the coach was blowing off a little steam? It is sue happy, big mouth parents that are making the coach’s job impossible. Comments stating the coach should never left a paper trail inflame my sensibilities. The reason he left the paper trail is because you are thinking of destroying his life since your niece is getting a little less playing time. Every parents is looking for leverage to crush him, his family, destroy his career, and any good will he feels toward the kids he coaches / teaches.

Now multiply your busy body loud mouth sister times 20. When I was young if a teacher sent a note home saying I misbehaved, I was punished. Nowadays, that same note has the parent running to the principle office to punish the teacher. It is impossible to be a good educator in today’s society and we are raising a group of weaklings.

If you want to do your niece a favor. Tell her to do her best and if that is not good enough, it is not good enough. That life is not fair and that there will always be setbacks. To stop asking for a fair shake in life. Life is compromise.

If she wants something, create it. If she fails, pick her butt off the ground and try again. Not to depend on anyone for her well being. Her destiny is hers if she takes charge, if she depends on others to be happy she will never be. To teach her kids to be strong.

16
posted on 09/07/2013 2:17:06 AM PDT
by BushCountry
(Obama: The dentist told me I need a crown. I was like I KNOW, RIGHT?)

I agree with you that, even if your sister took a stripe off him, he shouldn’t have sent that email. At the very least, to the wrong person, he’s opened up himself to litigation issues and being a liability to the school. That is bad form on his part.

If your niece seems largely unaffected, she probably doesn’t know about it. IMO, it is best to leave it as no real harm was done beyond bickering between two adults.

Just keep tabs on the niece to see if there are further problems.

18
posted on 09/07/2013 2:21:24 AM PDT
by Jonty30
(What Islam and secularism have in common is that they are both death cults)

It’s more likely that he wanted to allow players, who are bench warmers, a chance to perform. It was likely a game that wouldn’t affect his statistics much, which allows him to take better players out and put in lesser players.

In todays education system, if a coach doesn’t play everybody sometime during the season, it can cost him his job.

Unless there is more information than you have presented, that’s probably all it was.

20
posted on 09/07/2013 2:31:34 AM PDT
by Jonty30
(What Islam and secularism have in common is that they are both death cults)

Parents and HS sports today are an awful combination. I played football back in the day and rarely saw a parent talking to a coach now they show up with lawn chairs to watch practices. IMO once a kid gets to HS they should be fending for themselves. Coaches are like bosses, some are great some suck, some are fair some suck, it’s part of the lesson.

If the coach thought simply asking “How can I improve” was an attack on his or her coaching skills, it appears that what we are dealing with is a typical, dime a dozen public school employee who is unqualified for the job at multiple levels. A half decent coach should understand conceptually that “how can I improve” does not translate to “your coaching skills suck”.

Probably not but the content and unprofessionalism of the email seems like that something that would have come from an angry 13 year old kid who has not matured enough to understand that you should not be communicating to people like that, especially using a means of communication that can be shown to the public as easily as email. That is what I was getting at.

I'll break it down for you a little shorter then my whole post: niece was brought up from JR High 3 years ago and has started every game. Was made a Capt. this year. Has played in every game. Has not complained or gotten in trouble. Asked how to improve weeks ago. An e-mail shows up in her mother's e-mail today telling her that her daughter sucks and needs to improve on the three major skills of her sport. Why would my sister punish her? Why would you even say that? It also said she sucked at try outs and her play was bad for the team. Why not cut her then? There's more. And then two hours after e-mail is sent, she starts the game, as she has all the others, having no idea this e-mail was sent. No one is going to sue anyone. I mentioned “paper trail” because why send something like this to your starting player you've made Capt ? Nobody would believe it if it wasn't in writing, although no one has been shown it but family. My niece has played with broken fingers and what we later found out was a concussion. She's always picked herself up and went forward.

Assuming the coach is a fairly rationale person, and I am not excusing him for failing to be so, he may have been responding to how the mother approached him. There are many parents who will knock a teachers block off if their little darling is the least bit inconvenienced in their scholastic career.

My fundamental position on this is, unless there is more information than indicated, it’s best to let it go. We’ve all had bad moments and none of us deserve fire and brimstone for failing to be the most dignified of people during those moments.

26
posted on 09/07/2013 2:50:20 AM PDT
by Jonty30
(What Islam and secularism have in common is that they are both death cults)

I would never accuse your sister of being vindictive, I was just speaking from principle. If you’re going to communicate in a way that can be documented, you do not say anything that is not said in the most professional manner.

29
posted on 09/07/2013 2:56:45 AM PDT
by Jonty30
(What Islam and secularism have in common is that they are both death cults)

Then why e-mail her mother saying the daughter sucks? Coach has nieces e-mail, phone, text and sees her everyday. Why not just e-mail the mother and tell her to stay out of his coaching if there's a problem there? Why attack a starting player to her mother if you want the parent out of the situation?

My first impression was e-mail sent to the wrong parent (but no, it calls my sister by first name) as there are actually 3 players with nieces name, or my sister had made it up as a joke because I kind of laughed at first it seemed so bad. Both not true, sent from the school. And it was still not professional if sent to any other girl.

By the way, your’s is not an isolated event as MANY highschool coaches have done similar things to other athletes under their direction. Short of sending them emails, two of my (sistor) grand daughters, both very good athletes, have had similar things happen to them during their high school years. It is NOT a life altering delima as both of our two girls (valdictorians in their class) have gone on to be excellent teachers. It will pass.

Why doesn’t someone actually talk face to face with the coach? No room for ambiguity there. For all you actually know the coach may not have even written the email. I wouldn’t base hard action on something so nebulous as an email.

39
posted on 09/07/2013 4:05:47 AM PDT
by TalBlack
(Evil doesn't have a day job.)

People fumble the “to” field all the time. I once got an e-mail from my buyer’s agent intended for the selling agent of a property for which I had made an offer and received a counteroffer. He had been showing it to other people, thought he could get a better price. Very unethical, borderline illegal. The turd denied it even after I copied him back on his own errant e-mail.

And the two things my sister spoke out about had to do with legitimate concerns held by a group of parents. Everything seemed fine for a while after that. She didn’t take it past talking to the coach. Sorry if I gave the impression she was complaining to the school, she hasn’t. And her big mouth comes in handy when organizing and fund raising for camps and travel. Other years, or so she thought, she and the coach had a good
relationship.

People that say parents shouldn’t be involved— coaches almost demand it, fund raising, transportation to distance camps and tournaments, hotel rooms, all are done by parent volunteers. When I was young we played local, now there’s interstate travel, Club, private lessons, all to remain competitive. All done per coaches request by parents like my sister, while
he collects the paycheck. And the kids just want to play and win. And my sister has never made an issue about anything directly related only to my niece.

Actually a former teacher, taught analog and digital electronics, computer repair and networking and changed hundreds of lives. Started the first computer and networking courses in the state. Started the program off of grants I wrote. Won rookie of the year and teacher of the year a couple times.

Trained the teachers in technology. Taught hundreds in short ‘build your computers’ classes. Taught principles and along computer repair. When I started my adult vocational training classes contained students that wanted to change their lives. Most lost their jobs or became disable and couldn’t do hard labor anymore. Several students started their own companies. Hundreds of others had solid careers because of my training.

Why did I quit? They introduced High School children into the program that didn’t want to learn. Children thrown into the program because they were undisciplined but intelligent and they didn’t know what to do with. Children their parents expected me to raise but could not discipline (terrible attitudes, disrespectful, no work or personal ethics and I could not fail or remove from class because of the their parents). It ruined the program for the adults and high school children wanting to learn. The easily butt-hurt parents broke my spirit in the program I created from the ground up.

But yes, due to parents complaining about the slightest insult and unable to take responsibility for their children’s misbehavior I quit and doubled my salary in the real world. All the good I could have done for others wasted. And I was a good teacher, a damn good one. I have students 15 years later running up to me to shake my hand thanking me for changing/saving their lives.

46
posted on 09/07/2013 4:43:48 AM PDT
by BushCountry
(Obama: The dentist told me I need a crown. I was like I KNOW, RIGHT?)

She will. They had a game yesterday and there is a rule coach doesn't talk to anyone except players on game day, and then we have the weekend, so my sister “isn't allowed” to ask any questions until Monday. She also wanted, if she was going to say anything, to be level headed and a weekend will (maybe) calm her down. It was a mean, not constructive e-mail.

I learned about the same amount on my sports teams in HS as I learned in actual HS. Competition, giving it your all, getting up after falling down, teamwork, time management, leadership, commitment and about winning and losing. Throw in some college scholarship bucks and sports were well worth it.

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