re today's word:malapropism:As a student at Uconn one evening I crossed campus and it was extremely foggy in a way I had never seen before. It was thick and beautiful in the campus lights. As I entered the dorm the dorm mother said to me. "It's so beautiful out. It's.. It's uretheral. As a former nurse she realized she had made a mistake and said "That's not right. What is it.?""Ethereal" I said. It was humid and wet but not that wet.Alan

Not a day goes by that a perfectly "sane" sentence does not trip over my lips jumbled. My favorite one occurred several years ago when describing the actions of our new kittens when their food was put out. It came out this way. They ran across the room like a galloping horde of herses. Not quite the first letters mixed up, but close to it.

Magistrate's office, 1992. Getting married to my long-time love in an informal civil ceremony. Both magistrate and my matron of honor were nine months pregnant. She said to my groom, "Repeat after me. I Troy, take you, Lorraine, for my lawful wedded wife." He was pretty nervous and often twisted his words, but it got worse when 'out of his element.'

"I, Troy, take you, Lorraine for my awful wedded wife."

Everybody was laughing so hard, we had to stop for a few minutes because we didn't want two babies to be born in the magistrate's office.

I once tried to explain to a very sweet little old lady and her family where to place the wall bars beside her toilet as she had a very bad knee. What I heard come out of my mouth was "If you put it at this angle you will be able to reach it whether you are standing up or shitting down." Fortunately she was a sweet little old lady with a wonderful sense of humor and was the first one of us to burst out laughing.

In the garden, one man was kicking parrots and peeping up swine nuts. Another was having a fig with a dork, stubbing up the grumps, setting the new weeds, and then making the soil revel with a lake. I noticed some gritty pearls rolling around in a string, and asked one of them where the hair would be felled. She knocked the foil off her seat and said "Fonder in the yield".

"I'm hungry", I said. "Let's leap into the house and have some crunch."

"Good", she said. "I love these pie-spirited hearties. There will be a hawk by the toast, about the groovy mates such as Custer Beaten, Crone Jawford and Way Messed. Then we can go to the games room..."

"I like ten-bin polling", I said, "but I always snooze at lucre".

"Or we can dance", she suggested. "Do you prefer sweet music or Bing? Stiff Richard or the Clones?"

"I'd prefer to go outside to the fanned grate", I replied.

"OK", she said. "They have a gun fame. If we can guess the weight of the rake, we can get kitsch."

Yerfadder's Mustache - Rindercella(You might remember a barbershop quartet in the 1980 film "Wholly Moses"; that was these guys. I once sang at a barbershop convention with my high school quartet and these guys were the headliners. Very funny and very good! They took us out back and taught us about tags and peppermint schnapps...)

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