Many people choose to experiment with anal play. It’s a sexual act that feels good, regardless of gender or sexual orientation. It’s a good idea to experiment on your own before adding a partner into the mix. If you’re not comfortable sticking your own finger in you, how do you expect to be okay when a partner does it?

Be prepared. If you can’t handle the off chance that there’s going to be a little bit of poo still in the rectum, then anal play is simply not for you. That said, as long as you’ve “prepped”, there shouldn’t be any mess. The key is to let your digestive system decide when you play. If you have a proper balance of fibre and protein in your diet, your poo should come out nice and firm. When you wipe and there’s barely anything left on the toilet paper, you’re good to go!

Have a soak in the tub or a shower but do not put soap in your anus! That will burn! No need to put any water in it either. If you really feel the need to, then no more than an ear syringe worth of water is needed. Many people choose to use enemas before anal sex, but I do not advocate their use, as it can wreak havoc on your digestive system. Another really good option that many people rely on is using a female condom for anal play. You remove the inside ring and put the condom in the anus, while leaving the outer ring right on the outside of the sphincter. Put some lube in it and you’re good to go! This also allows for you to move from the anus to other parts of the body without having to wash off in between!

Make sure your nails are short and you’re not wearing any rings. Start with your normal way of getting aroused. Put on some porn, read erotica, come up with a fantasy in your head and start playing with yourself as you normally would. This gets you in the mood and your body becomes prepared for sexual play. Lying on your back tends to be the most comfortable position for anal self stimulation. Bring your hand towards your anus and just play around with the sphincter area. It’s one of the most sensitive areas around the bum, so a light touch is all you need at first. At this point, some people prefer to put on a glove or a condom around their finger.

Start adding lube in. You seriously need it for anal play to be enjoyable. Use it and use lots of it. And remember to keep reapplying it every few minutes, as the lube gets absorbed into the colon or pushed up higher into the rectum, where it doesn’t do you any good. No need for a special “anal” kind. Water or silicone based will do. If you’d prefer to do anal play in the bath, then you’ll want to use silicone based (be careful when you stand up afterward, though). Start to massage the anus with a bit more pressure. For males, it’s a good idea to externally massage the prostate with your other hand at this point, by rubbing your perineum. Once you’re ready for insertion your finger should literally slip right in. No force or pressure should be required. If it won’t go in, it means you’re not ready (not aroused enough or comfortable/relaxed). Give it time and don’t rush or force it.

Once you’re inside, keep your finger shallow and just move it around in circles, feeling the walls of the anus. Focus on massaging the walls of the rectum as you slowly move deeper in. You may enjoy slow thrusting in and out at this point, as you continue to rub against the sides of the anus. Stimulation tends to be a bit different for males and females, since males have a prostate to stimulate but girls don’t.

Men: At this point, locate your prostate. Run your fingers along the front wall of the anus (closest towards your penis). It’s a small, round bulb of tissue about the size of a chestnut that has a slightly rubbery texture. It should be about 2 inches up. Start with a gentle circular motion with your finger. As you become more aroused you should feel it swell up and that’s when you can start increasing your pressure. Many men enjoy using a “come here” motion with their fingers pressing into the gland, while others like more of a thrusting motion up and down along it. You may also want to stimulate your penis at the same time.

Women: It’s not as straightforward for us since we don’t have a prostate gland to stimulate. Play around with different motions and discover what you find to be pleasurable. Keep exploring the walls, using circular movements as well as thrusting motions. You can also rotate your finger around as you do this. See how deep you like to go, as well as what speeds work best. Many like to keep it gentle and slow, but others like to be a bit more aggressive. Mix the different motions up as much as you can to learn what you enjoy best.

It’s important to note that anal play on your first time might not feel all that great. It takes time and practice before you start to get the hang of it. Toys are commonly used for anal stimulation, but it’s best to start with your fingers. We’ll discuss anal play with toys in a later article. For now, just experiment with different types of strokes and stimulation until you figure out what works best for you.