Dealing with a ‘domestic’

Domestic disputes are in the news this week thanks to intense scrutiny around the personal lives of current Tory leadership candidates.

Raised voices are one thing, but full-blown domestic abuse is a very serious issue. It can affect both women and men, and is not just about physical violence. The offence of ‘coercive control’ has recently been recognised in British law, acknowledging that subtle financial, emotional and sexual manipulation is as damaging as punching and kicking.

Domestic abuse is notoriously hard to escape. The abused person often believes that they deserve it, or that their partner’s behaviour is somehow their fault. They might be focused on placating the abuser and exhibit fear and resistance around any suggestion that they might leave.

People who perpetrate domestic abuse have often been abused themselves as children. If this is you then you can get help to manage anger and shame. Victims are also likely to have been neglected or bullied as children, and likewise you can get help to build self-esteem and learn how not to repeat old patterns.

The National Domestic Abuse Freephone Helpline has identified the following signs of an abusive relationship:

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