If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. By reverting the waterfront property’s use back to a fuel-storage facility, Two Trees can maximize profit by avoiding a large, upfront capital investment. And by renaming the site after snubbed Brooklyn saint Frances Xavier Cabrini, the developer can engender some goodwill among Catholics — without spending a dime!

Plant two trees

The developer could install an abstract art piece consisting of two trees, leaving visitors to ponder a vague, surrealist expression of environmental collapse and commercial exploitation of natural resources — and forget about the developer’s scheme to build 1,000 residential units in exchange for a free park!

The seasonal weekend food market Smorgasburg has drawn criticism from nearby residents, who complain that the wildly popular foodie fest attracts too many out-of-towners to its longtime home at East River State Park. Moving Smorgasburg to the former fuel-storage facility will free up the park for locals, while scaring off visitors offended by the market’s new, industrial milieu.

As former Mayor Michael Bloomberg outspends other presidential candidates by using a miserly .005-percent of his reported $62 billion fortune, the nation’s would-be commander-in-chief has busied himself opening campaign field offices throughout the Five Boroughs, including his first Kings County outpost, which debuted in Boerum Hill last week. By opening a second Brooklyn location at the Two Trees site, the billionaire media mogul could tap into the borough’s wealthy northern fringes — and save a buck on rent!