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Thursday, December 10, 2009

Naked on Facebook: the new Privacy Settings

I'm not "suffering from endometrial pain" but thanks for asking Facebook! That was the first ad I saw when I logged on this morning (I just read as far as the question; I don't know what remedy they promised). As always, I'm mystified by how exactly how their sooper-scientific "data mining" works. I do know whoever paid for that ad wasted their money.

I've missed a lot of the fuss today about the new facebook privacy settings because my blackberry battery died while I was waiting for a friend at Starbucks, and we had a lot of catching up to do, so I'm out of the loop. I did gather that people are pissed.

I vaguely remember getting a "letter" from Zuckerberg a few weeks ago mentioning that Facebook would be "improving" its privacy settings, which I translated loosely as "bend over." Facebook is in the business of selling eyeballs, and anything it can do to improve its position there, I assume it will.

Are they publishing our chats somewhere? I don't think I've had any really drrrrty ones -- but after Ambien, how would I know?

If Facebook really wanted to improve my "user experience," it would give me a setting that would allow me to ban people from sending me pieces of Flair, or MafiaFarmWars invites, or "what rockstar are you?" quizzes.

And could they stop letting people I don't know send me Invites to Events? I de-friended one guy because he blizzarded everyone with Invites to "fundraisers" (also, because he's a douchebag) -- and I still get all his spam.

As I've said before, I've always thought the Profiles don't divulge enough information. I don't just want to know if you're "interested in men" or "interested in women" or "single" or "married" or "complicated," I would like a clickable link that would take me to all ex-wives and ex-girlfriends where I could then read their profiles.

I don't want to see "married," I want to see "happily married." And a bank statement. Along with a photo of the secretary.

To save us all some heartache, I'd like to see terms of separation: "amicable," "antagonistic" or "gunplay."

I'd like the word "separation" defined geographically and emotionally. And I will smack anyone who lists their status as "complicated." Almost nothing in life is complicated. Sometimes we want to leave people who don't want to be left. That is not complicated. It is common. Are the left-behinds armed? That should be a status update.

I would also like to be able to read realationship references (like on Linked In).

If you list "Bette Midler" in your CD collection, I can do my own "data mining" there.
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