Sunday, July 27, 2008

At some point, even the most loyal of NFL fans has been so incredulously awestruck at how poorly a play is run that without thought they utter the same exact six word phrase. Most commonly it can be heard in sportsbars and living rooms when an offensive coordinator tries to run a razzle-dazzle trick play that drastically backfires (ask any Saints fan about the double reverse that ended in a turnover and cost them a game last year). It can also be heard when fans are so irate at how poorly a play is executed that they actually feel betrayed that they are subject to view it (ask any Jets fan about.. just ask any Jets fan).

WHAT THE FUCK ARE THEY DOING?

It's an important question. There are a lot of people who are quite upset about these dark matter experiments and are working to get them shut down.Now I know some might get jittery when CRAL professor Pierre Salati starts throwing around words like "atomique reculer" when thinking about what ultimately surrounds these tiny galaxies they are creating. One man's galactical ant-farm is another's doomsday prophecy, I suppose. It's understandable that one might worry about how miscalculations on what we admittedly know very little about might have cataclysmic ramifications, namely the creation of a black hole which sucks up the entire planet and ends all life as we know it.

But, c'mon... is that really feasible? I mean, is it? What are the odds of that happening? Would it be like the Atlanta Falcons winning the Super Bowl, because I'm good with that.

AFC SudJacquesonville Jaguars 13-3 It doesn't take the keen perception of Inspector Clouseau to see that this is the year the division anoints a new champignon. This team struck paydirt last year by adding new offensive coordinator Dirk Koetter and WRs coach Todd Monken (who I believe will be able to"fix" Troy Williamson). Reggie Nelson and Justin Durant are expected to have big years as this team will attack from all sides under new defensive coordinator Gregg Williams. DT John Henderson is looking to erase last year's sub-par performance and will get help from rookie DEs Quentin Groves and Derrick Harvey taken #8 overall. RBs Fred Taylor and Maurice Jones-Drew are showing no signs of slowing.

Indianapoulez Chevaux 12-4 This squad comes into '08 like they just left the Combat of the Thirty. Peyton Manning is coming off knee surgery as is WR Marvin Harrison who missed 11 games last year. DE Dwight Freeney tries to return from the dreaded Lisfranc injury. SS Bob Sanders is one of the most dominant players in the game today, but he still has never played a full season. Tony Dungy is not doing much to avoid looking like a canard boiteaux in his final season. They lost some key players in free agency and really only added RB Dominic Rhodes. Only two of their DBs (Sanders is one) has been in the league longer than 3 years. This is still an elite team, just not a terribly deep one. It's time for WR Anthony Gonzalez and FS Antoine Bethea to assume larger roles for this club.

Heuseton Cézannes 8-8 Last year’s 8-8 record is deceiving in that their final win was in Week 17 against a team that benched several starters. The lifeblood of the offense is Andre Johnson who will be coming back from a knee injury . When at 100%, he's like the Concorde. Kubiak brought in Alex Gibbs to try to recreate the zone blocking scheme that made Denver so successful. I'm not sold on the personnel getting it done. Amobi Okoye and SuperMario should be very disruptive lined up next to each other this year and DeMeco Ryans is more ferocious than the Beast of Gévaudan. Owen Daniels and Kevin Walter are underrated targets for QB Matt Schaub who needs to stay healthy and prove he's the guy to command this bateau.

Tenneussé Titans 7-9 My Vieux Boulogne pick for 2008. I do not see how (finally) getting Vince Young someone to get his footwoork down is going to help with the receivers he has. Every divisional opponent has a LB that can run with TE Alge Crumpler, the best of very few free agency additions. Rookie RB Chris Johnson is a homerun threat who will steal carries from LenDale White. DT Albert Haynesworth is playing this season to get out of town as the top free agency target for 2009. This defense is what's been winning games, but retread offensive coordinator, Mike Heimerdinger doesn't have the pieces he needs to run a high powered offense (not that's he's proven he'd know what to do with it). This one is going to resemble a LeCar, sure it's efficient on gas, but it'll get creamed once it runs into something bigger than it.

5 comments:

I certainly wouldn't mind seeing the Colts NOT win the division for the 78th year in a row, and they DO have some injury concerns, but 13-3? Still don't trust those receivers until I see it on the field. ;-)

Speaking of no receivers, poor Vince Young. "So, fellow front officers, another running back this year?"