18 April 2017

I don't consider myself a possessive spouse. I can only think of one time where I was overtly possessive.

There is a woman racer at the track whom I would gladly give a bad haircut with rusty kitchen shears. She is a talented driver with a sketchy personal life and flirts with Kevin on the regular. Kevin can't stand her either so I do enjoy it so when I watch her futilely try to use her wiles.

The time that sticks in my memory is when we were waiting to race, literally standing with the racecar in the stage lanes, and talking. She walked up behind him, touched him on the shoulder (*squint*) and asked him a question that anyone else could answer, like I was not even standing there.

It's one of the few times when I've squelched the urge to actually punch someone. Instead, I stepped forward and put my hand on MY husband's chest, dead eyed her, and continued to talk to him. Kevin monosylabically answered her and she wandered away. Kevin just raised an eyebrow at me and we continued on with our lives.

The other night we were at family dinner because of course we were. My nephew mentioned something about cell phone notifications, which lit Kevin's fuse because I'm known to miss calls and texts. He explains to them that one of the ladies in his office has a ring she wears that vibrates when her phone rings or has notifications. He would like to get me one. So romantic.

I eye-rolled the idea because No One Holds Me Down and I just find the idea annoying. In Kevin's defense, he worries when I don't answer. It's not like I've fallen and broken my foot off my leg, or rolled a truck, or any other fantastical things that have prevented me from answering the phone.

The Nephew asked how it worked and Kevin explained that it vibrates just like your phone does. He then explained further that he dialed her phone, held her hand, and felt it vibrate. I reacted without thinking about it. "You did WHAT now?"

Kevin immediately realized his error. "It's not like that, I mean, how else would she demonstrate how it worked?" I took my engagement ring off and slapped it on the table. "OH, I don't know. Maybe like THIS!?!?!"

The kids were roaring with laughter. They knew nothing really untoward happened and they knew I wasn't truly angry and they were just enjoying the show. It's not like he's ever given me a moment of doubt and while not his best idea ever, not a punishable offense.