News

When your sex drives are different...

27/01/2010

Today on my weeklyIVillage.co.uk blog I discuss a woman's dilemma where her partner has a much higher sex drive. This is such a common situation - but when it's happening to you it's easy to get alarmed about it - sometimes unnecessarily. If you read the blog you'll see there are some complicated issues she's dealing with.

But think about this simple fact: when you get together with someone you probably like different types of pizza, one of you likes to shower and the other to have a proper bath, one of you likes Radio 4 and the other likes BBC 6 music. Why should your feelings about sex be any different? If anything because sex is far more complicated than, say, choosing what type of pizza to have, you’re far more likely to have differences over it.

The key is to reach some sort of compromise if things are going to work.

Speaking of radio, I heard a classic radio moment yesterday on Radio 4 - it was ‘classic’ because any radio presenter, like myself, has experienced this. While writing a feature (waiting to do my own radio slot) I was listening to Jane Garvey on Woman's Hour. She was just beginning what should’ve been an interesting interview with one of Britain's oldest mothers - who was on the telephone from her home - and suddenly dogs started barking. And not just barking -they were going for it! I expected - as I'm sure Jane Garvey did - that she'd get her dogs under control pretty darn quick - but, no, it went on and on. Every presenter's nightmare.

TODAY’S THOUGHT: in moments like that the best you can do is keep calm - which Jane Garvey did - but inwardly you're sweating it, thinking something like, "is this ever going to end? Why didn't she have her dogs in a separate room when she knew she was going to be interviewed on live radio??" But that's a professional presenter speaking - it's easy to forget that people who aren't used to being interviewed don't even think about covering all bases when they're doing a phone interview. I've experienced many such moments when interviewing a guest who’s on the phone from their own home.

So my thought is - this applies to most areas of life - you can’t heap expectations of how you’d do something on to someone else who’ll have their own expectations.

Have been booked to do This Morning television on Friday - it's going to be a fun item and I know Ruth and Eamon Holmes who present on Fridays are going to be fantastic. Can't reveal what the item is as these things are always kept secret! What I can say is I'll be revealing something about a common behaviour all of us do.

Lovely to get a firm booking as I was ‘pencilled’ to do BBLB on Tuesday but it was cancelled. A pencil in this industry means they're tossing around a few ideas for the same slot and will make up their minds as soon as possible.

Love, Pam X

Books

The Emotional Eater's Diet

My new book The Emotional Eater's Diet is published in the UK on May 15 - I’m very excited as I hope emotional eaters - women or men will find it helpful. Each year 2/3s of people start a diet and 20% start a new diet each month. Yet 95% of diets aren’t successful.

I firmly believe that emotional eating to soothe difficult feelings is the culprit behind most of this failure. My book has a huge range of practical tips/strategies to help understand your emotions and manage your appetite. There are mini-quizes and real case studies.

It’s available to preorder on Amazon. Please remember that food can fuel your energy needs but not your emotional needs. Take care!

Sex Academy - Essential Lessons in Seduction & Spectacular Sex

I'm delighted that my latest book Sex Academy was endorsed by my fellow self-help author Siski Green who said: "Sex Academy really is THE Bible of sex books. The lessons and lectures cover the A-Z of everything you want to know - from Anal sex to getting Zero sex." I hope you enjoy it!

How to be a Happy Human - Ten Essential Principles to Change Your Life!

I was so excited and HAPPY to write this book on happiness covering my 10 unique Happiness Principles. I hope it helps increase your well-being, contentment, and happiness. I've packed it with dozens and dozens of easy-to-use strategies, plus life-changing insights. Based on about five years of collecting case studies and research I hope you'll find it helpful.

Steamy Sex - The Sex Doctor's Answers For Keeping It Hot

My latest sex guide's out - I've gone through thousands of questions people ask me about sex - from why they don't feel desire to how to handle a partner's kinky fetish. Here are the answers plus loads of tricks and techniques. Enjoy!

Sex Dreams & Symbols

Discover the relationship between your dreams and your sex- and love-life! Go on a journey of self-discovery in this unique dream book. Case studies, a dream directory, and ‘dreamersises’ help you interpret your dreams.

My research found if a couple's been together more than one year it's unlikely you've tried any new sex tip, trick or technique for at least four months! Rescue's at hand with my 250 hottest sex tips for every aspect of your sex life.

The Dating Survival Guide - Ten Top Tactics For Total Success

Dating. It's a jungle out there. This is the ultimate guide to negotiating your way around the minefield of the dating game. Practical advice, useful tips and insights cover all dating issues to revolutionise your love life!

The Break-up Survival Kit - Emotional Rescue For The Newly Single!

Relationship breakdown's rife and the emotional fall-out from a break-up is incalculable. Here's emotional rescue for the heartbroken packed with tips, advice, plus practical assistance allowing the broken-hearted to rebuild their lives.

No couple or single can be without this unique, best-selling book containing a vast range of techniques, tricks and tips to turn your lover on. From attracting someone new to recharging your old relationship, Fabulous, explores each of the sexual senses in turn!

Sinful Sex: The Uninhibited Guide to Erotic Pleasure

Your Child's Dreams

A unique parenting book giving you creative techniques to understand your child better through their dreams and nightmares. These reveal so much about a child that most parents miss out on. Strengthen your parent-child relationship, their confidence and well-being!