Author
Topic: Speaking of a kid and deli... (Read 13317 times)

I don't eat deli meat. But my daughter does, and every week. She is 12, my height already and very well spoken. In fact she has a bigger voice than I do. She always goes to the deli counter and looks at what she wants and orders. We went to one yesterday and as usual dd went to the deli, I went to the produce and I could see her clearly. There was no one there waiting and I saw a deli clerk behind the counter and thought perfect, we will be in and out.

I see dd waiting and waiting while leaning to the counter as if she was trying to say something. (later I found out it was her saying, Excuse me?). I finished my selections and was heading back when I saw dd walking toward me. She said that the deli lady need to speak to me and not her. I went up to the counter and said brightly, "Oh you can talk to my daughter and let her order whatever she wants. Thanks!" and walked over to the cheese selection. A few seconds later dd gestured to me and I walked back. She said that they want to confirm her order. Deli lady said, "She wants a quarter pound of this and a quarter pound of that." And I looked at her puzzled, "And what seem to be the problem with those?" Deli lady looked startled and said she wanted to make sure it was okay. I told her, "Yep. Is there a policy against kids ordering their own deli items?" Deli clerk said that well she wasn't used to kids ordering and wanted to make sure it was okay. She sounded like she was put out at having to explain. At this point I saw another deli clerk with a manager vest on and asked if that was the deli manager. She acted like she didn't hear me. I walked over to the manager and waved her over. I asked her if it was alright for kids to order? She actually recognized my daughter and said, "Well of course. I have helped her many a time. She is a sweetie!" I simply nodded and she asked if there was an issue. I told her no that we took care of it but thanks. The deli clerk looked really nervous but didn't say anything.

Dd thought I was a bit rude but I told her that the lady was rude for ignoring her for 5 minutes even though dd tried to get her attention and making her come and get me and still not process her order. What do you all think?

ETA: [size=78%]I should have posted that I didn't mind she sent my kid to get me the first time, it was the second time that bothered me a little and then the attitude I got afterwards. [/size]

I guess I can understand the idea that some kids might just order anything they want and Mom might balk at it. Some people really infantilize kids.

And legally, a 12yo can't be held to any contract they make, so if the kid orders something and Mom refuses to pay (thereby refusing to take over the contract), then the deli clerk has to put the food back. (which in the case of ordering 1/4 lb. of ham really shouldn't be a problem!).

But to ignore her for 5 minutes, yes, that's rude. If the clerk is uncomfortable entering into a legal transaction with a kid, then she says, "I'm sorry--is your parent here? Can I talk to her?"

So, ok, but when you've said, "She can order anything she wants," then you HAVE taken over the contract, and she was really rude not to go ahead and simply fill the order.

Getting the manager to endorse your point of view was perfectly fine. I'll even give you a pass for sounding kind of testy.

Let's just imagine for a moment that your DD was not ordering from the deli, but was a child who couldn't find their parent in the store or needed to find the restroom. How long would this woman have ignored her?

Deli clerk was rude. OP, you were well within your rights to speak with the manager.

She was rude to ignore your DD. If she has a problem with a child ordering, she should have told her to bring her parent up to the counter, not ignore her until DD forced her attention by saying "excuse me" repeatedly.

I agree. Deli clerk was rude to ignore your daughter. If she were uncomfortable allowing your daughter to order without your permission, she should have let her know right away. Making her wait the way she did was wrong.

I suppose, considering how expensive many deli items are now compared to when I was a child, I might not be surprised if there were a policy in place that did not allow children to place orders. I am relieved to hear that is was not policy though. I am saddened at how many opportunities to learn and grow more independent we have taken away from young people. But again, I can't imagine how ignoring anyone, under nearly any circumstance, is not rude.

If there is a policy, it should be posted, but to me, it isn't rude to have you come over and say "oh, yes, she may order", but it was the absolute height of rudeness to ignore her, and then to keep having you confirm every last thing.

You were fine. Because really at that point the lady was even refusing you good service, since you'd given her the verbal ok to take your DD's order, as well as a physical cue your DD was in charge (by walking to the cheese). And the whole ignoring your DD was beyond bad service - your DD could have wanted to ask anything - if she didn't want to cut meat for your kid, well that's weird but maybe justified, but straight out ignoring her?

And what really gets my goat about this is - how many times have we had threads where posters tell a story about how they were 25 and mistaken for a 12-15 year old because they are petite, or have a baby face, or were wearing their hair in a ponytail and no make-up (or all those things combined)? This woman was assuming your kid was a kid, yes correctly, but what about next time when she's wrong?

I don't really blame the deli worker for asking your DD to have you confirm her order first. I'm sure there are instances when a child places an order and only after the meat has been cut and packaged, the parent refuses to purchase.

But, the deli worker had no right to ignore your daughter. She could have just said up front that she would help her after you confirmed her order. She was definitely rude.

I don't think you necessarily did anything wrong, but I personally wouldn't have called the manager over at that point. It does kind of seem like making it a bigger deal than it needed to be. However, I'd have no problem speaking to the manager away from the deli worker and confirming the policy on children placing deli orders, mentioning that there was some confusion that day that you haven't experienced in the past.

And just to be really radical... what if this 12 year old HAD HER OWN MONEY? What if she WALKED HERSELF TO THE STORE? She's 12, not five. I was earning my own money babysitting at that age, and if I'd wanted to spend it on deli meat, whose business is it anyway?

PP is quite right - infantilizing children is a terrible epidemic in our society.

I don't really blame the deli worker for asking your DD to have you confirm her order first. I'm sure there are instances when a child places an order and only after the meat has been cut and packaged, the parent refuses to purchase.

But, the deli worker had no right to ignore your daughter. She could have just said up front that she would help her after you confirmed her order. She was definitely rude.

I don't think you necessarily did anything wrong, but I personally wouldn't have called the manager over at that point. It does kind of seem like making it a bigger deal than it needed to be. However, I'd have no problem speaking to the manager away from the deli worker and confirming the policy on children placing deli orders, mentioning that there was some confusion that day that you haven't experienced in the past.

Just to be clear, I did not call the manager over to where the deli clerk was, I walked over to she was near the sub bar and waved her over. It's all glass and she could see where dd was but they couldn't hear. But it was clear that I was asking her something.

I don't really blame the deli worker for asking your DD to have you confirm her order first. I'm sure there are instances when a child places an order and only after the meat has been cut and packaged, the parent refuses to purchase.

But, the deli worker had no right to ignore your daughter. She could have just said up front that she would help her after you confirmed her order. She was definitely rude.

I don't think you necessarily did anything wrong, but I personally wouldn't have called the manager over at that point. It does kind of seem like making it a bigger deal than it needed to be. However, I'd have no problem speaking to the manager away from the deli worker and confirming the policy on children placing deli orders, mentioning that there was some confusion that day that you haven't experienced in the past.

Just to be clear, I did not call the manager over to where the deli clerk was, I walked over to she was near the sub bar and waved her over. It's all glass and she could see where dd was but they couldn't hear. But it was clear that I was asking her something.

Sheesh, when I was 12 I was allowed to ride my bike up to the shopping center alone, which I usually did and often would visit the bookstore and buy a treat (that usually got snuck up to my room so I could eat while reading.) And when I'd go shopping with my mother I'd often get sent to another part of the store to find something on the list.

Logged

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars. You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

I don't really blame the deli worker for asking your DD to have you confirm her order first. I'm sure there are instances when a child places an order and only after the meat has been cut and packaged, the parent refuses to purchase.

But, the deli worker had no right to ignore your daughter. She could have just said up front that she would help her after you confirmed her order. She was definitely rude.

I don't think you necessarily did anything wrong, but I personally wouldn't have called the manager over at that point. It does kind of seem like making it a bigger deal than it needed to be. However, I'd have no problem speaking to the manager away from the deli worker and confirming the policy on children placing deli orders, mentioning that there was some confusion that day that you haven't experienced in the past.

Just to be clear, I did not call the manager over to where the deli clerk was, I walked over to she was near the sub bar and waved her over. It's all glass and she could see where dd was but they couldn't hear. But it was clear that I was asking her something.

I see. I misread your OP. Sorry!

No problem, I wouldn't try to embarrass the deli clerk like that by bringing her boss in front of her. And I only went over as I saw the manager vest and was genuinely curious if there is a policy in place for that. I didn't want to keep sending dd up there alone if there was an issue. I know for example in the samples area, I have to go with them to approve them getting a sample.

And just to be really radical... what if this 12 year old HAD HER OWN MONEY? What if she WALKED HERSELF TO THE STORE? She's 12, not five. I was earning my own money babysitting at that age, and if I'd wanted to spend it on deli meat, whose business is it anyway?

PP is quite right - infantilizing children is a terrible epidemic in our society.

Sheesh, when I was 12 I was allowed to ride my bike up to the shopping center alone, which I usually did and often would visit the bookstore and buy a treat (that usually got snuck up to my room so I could eat while reading.) And when I'd go shopping with my mother I'd often get sent to another part of the store to find something on the list.

this.

When I was 12 or even younger I got sent to the shops on my own all the time. It was simply one of the household chores I did. Never had any problem with it.