Monday, 31 March 2008

We're back, but the washing has to be done and catching up with all the animals, Lolly has morphed back into sullen teenager after spending 3 days being fresh faced and happy, oh back to earth with a bump...!

Saturday, 29 March 2008

Friday, 28 March 2008

1. A nursery school pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead. 'How do you know that the cat was dead?' she asked her pupil. 'Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move,' answered the child innocently. 'You did WHAT?' the teacher exclaimed in surprise. 'You know,' explained the boy, 'I leaned over and went 'Pssst' and it didn't move'

2. A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later.....'Da-ad....' 'What?' 'I'm thirsty. Can you bring a drink of water?' 'No, You had your chance. Lights out.' Five minutes later: 'Da-aaaad.....' 'WHAT?' 'I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??' ' I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to smack you!!' Five minutes later......'Daaaa-aaaad.....' 'WHAT!' 'When you come in to smack me, can you bring a drink of water?'

3. An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him 'How do you expect to get into Heaven?' The boy thought it over and said, 'Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!'' 4. One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, 'Mummy, will you sleep with me tonight?' The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. 'I can't dear,' she said. 'I have to sleep in Daddy's room.' A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice: 'The big sissy.'

5. It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children's sermon. All the children were invited to come forward. One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down, the minister leaned over and said, 'That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?' The little girl replied, directly into the minister's clip-on microphone, 'Yes, and my Mum says it's a bitch to iron.'

6. When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the shower. She said, 'Mummy, you are getting fat!' I replied, 'Yes, honey, remember Mummy has a baby growing in her tummy.' 'I know,' she replied, but what's growing in your bum?'

7. A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself, 'Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine....' His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, 'What are you doing?' The little boy answered, 'I'm doing my math homework, Mum.' 'And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?' the mother asked 'Yes,' he answered. Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, 'What are you teaching my son in math?' The teacher replied, 'Right now, we are learning addition.' The mother asked, 'And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?' After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, 'What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four.'

8. One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, '.... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said,'The sky is falling, the sky is falling!' The teacher paused then asked the class, 'And what do you think that farmer said?' One little girl raised her hand and said, 'I think he said: 'Holy Shit! A talking chicken!'' The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.

9. A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, I'm Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter.' Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, 'I'm Jane Sugarbrown.' The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said, 'Aren't you Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter?' She replied, 'I thought I was, but mother says I'm not.'

10. A little girl asked her mother, 'Can I go outside and play with the boys?' Her mother replied, 'No, you can't play with the boys, they're too rough.' The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked, If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?'

11. A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father. She stands next to the barber chair, while her dad gets his hair cut, eating a snack cake.The barber says to her, > 'Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair on your muffin.' She says, 'Yes, I know, and I'm gonna get boobs too.'

Thursday, 27 March 2008

We're going away for 3 days, its last minute and a free sort of holiday, friends of my dads who own a horse farm, the kids love, I tolerate it. We're taking our spoilt town pedigree pooch who has never seen a horse before, have no idea how he will interact with their dogs and worry that they will just let him out as they do with theirs, he wont last five minutes if they do which means I have to keep him on the lead for 3 days, fun-not. Trying to pack for 2 townie kids, my dad will making noises about how much stuff we take, he doesnt live with a menstruating teenager and a 6 year old with a bowel problem, so yes dad we do need all these clothes and toiletries and yes the dog does need his stuff and food if you dont want to listen to him bark all bloody weekend, can you tell I'm not exactly looking forward to this? I have to get neighbours to look after the chickens and worry the fox might bother them with no-one here during the day to chase them away, my mum is having the baby chicks who are not so small any more, quite noisy and a bit skittish, I dont think she will like it, why am I going away, this isnt relaxing...

Wednesday, 26 March 2008

I have the flu. Have never felt this bad in my life, sweating or shivering sometimes both, my throat is on fire and my heart feels like its beating too fast. My stomach is upset too and the worst thing is I cant sleep, I was up from 4am this morning, I dont know what this is but you dont want it!

Sunday, 23 March 2008

Yesterday we took our yearly Easter trip to farmer palmers, last year if you remember we sat in the sun in t-shirts, wore suncream and ate ice cream, this year? It snowed during the Easter egg hunt! The wind had a wind chill factor of what felt like 20 below. Lolly wrapped her long scarf around her head in the end! But we had fun, the animals were very cute and we petted and fed and wished we could sneak them out under our coat

We spent a lot of time in the heated barn, only got a quick go on feeding the lambs as there were so many people huddled in there!

Lolly had to prove her age with her bus card as they wouldnt give us a childrens ticket for her, I felt so old...

Sunday, 16 March 2008

In four days time the children will be off school for 15 days and they will be given too much chocolate, I may just take up one of those emails that offer me cheap Valium...Just two rainy windy weekend days with no money to go anywhere have driven me crazy, dumpling is attention seeking to the max, trying to have a phone conversation with my mum ended when he blew a trumpet type thing in my ear, he found a tiny piece of glass on the floor and instead of following my instructions to keep still while I got a piece of kitchen paper, he rolled it between his fingers, he's defiant to his own disadvantage and it drives me crazy, Lolly wants to lay on the sofa and watch music tv whilst telling dumpling to be quiet, yes heaven forbid he play with his own toys in his own lounge when she has a tv, video player, dvd and broadband internet in her room!

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Popped to the local shop to get some desert for when we visit my dads for dinner tonight and turned the corner to find a pedestrian had been hit by a car, nothing I could do, people were comforting him and others redirecting traffic and I could hear the ambulance coming, the hospital is very near. He was conscious, just a head laceration but shocking never the less.

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As I said leaving for my dads soon for dinner, dumpling is behaving in that loud showing off six year old way and Lolly is do the teenage sulk/grunt routine, both my kids have to be ordered to behave in a suitable fashion when we visit grandparents, its not their default setting, no squabbling, no loud farting and then declaring it, no answering me back or asking pointless questions to start an arguement, the list goes on. Thye usually behave once they've had the run down from me, I just wish I didnt have to!

Saturday, 15 March 2008

its raining again, (again? dont think it stopped) I'm indoors with dumplings best friend round to play although I think he may have moved in without me noticing, he lives across the road and they are suddenly inseperable. Lolly has two friends coming round today and sleeping over tonight, not entirely sure where or what I'm going to do, the girls will take over the lounge and dumpling will probably watch dvds in my room with his friend, I think I will have to take a very long bath!

I have a craving for sweet things that knows no bounds, I've just eaten a ham sandwhich, an apple and a yoghurt and still want to run to the shop and buy handfuls of chocolate and candy, not due on, not pregnant, whats up with me?

Friday, 14 March 2008

I'm a rubbish blogger, lots of ideas and no patience to write them out properly! But I'm also an lazy comment-er, I feel bad about how much I love reading my favourite blogs and how little I actually take the time to say anything, I should give more than I take! So I hereby promise to comment more, sometimes I actually dont when the post is so good that anything I say seems pathetic in comparison, so take it as a compliment when I'm to awestruck to say anything!

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Chickens are great, ex batts are laying well, pekin bantam is refusing to eat her layers pellets and only want the corn, yeh well I want to eat doughnuts all day and no fruit and veg but their are rules and I've yet to see her lay an egg! The chicks born at christmas are getting bigger by the second, still months till they lay though, very frisky and scared of me still which is weird when you think I raised them but you find that, its not till they are fully grown that they will sit on your lap as they know the hand that feeds them! The baby chicks are too cute for words, the gingerery one is adorable, still not sure what breed it is but I'm loving the colouring

Monday, 10 March 2008

I dont think I'm very well, I'm either sweating or shivering but thats all apart from a feeling of meloncholy but that may be just a come down from all the drugs I've had to take for this blasted neck spasm, I've had worse attacks before but never lasting as long as this.

Mostly I have a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach for Lolly, she went to a bowling party on saturday afternoon, one of the presents was a foam ball which one of the bitchier girls decided to throw at Lollys head, Lolly has the same muscular condition as me and it made her neck hurt, she asked the girl to stop and was told she was a faker, yes , the times Lolly has had to go to school on crutches or a neck collar, the time spent in hospital, all for fun! They all go to a fast food outlet afterwards where the birthday girl buys 9 meals for the 10 girls present, Lolly swore, left, rang me and caught the bus home. Since then she had had bitchy texts and none of her friends have spoken to her today as they dont want the bitchy one giving them a hard time too. It makes me want to cry and then go and shake these girls. Bullying is horrible but its even worse when your friends stand back and let it happen becuase they dont want to get involved.

Saturday, 8 March 2008

Thursday 5am - migraineFriday 6.30 - rolled over in bed to reach for alarm and neck and shoulder went into spasmSaturday now, still in bed in spasm despite enough painkillers and muscle relaxants to sedate an elephant!