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I Dated Voldemort. Or Possibly a Snake.

[Sometimes, I go back and read my own posts and even I get scared. That bitch is crazy!]

Soooo, I went on a date the other night. I think it was with Voldemort. Or maybe a snake.

Because the dude had no lips.

NO LIPS.

I’m not saying he looked exactly like this…

Nor am I saying he didn’t.

Although he did have a nose. Definitely had a nose.

Unfortunately, it was another case of internating when you talk to the dude online and in text messages and everything seems to be going ok, you have decent conversations. They’re mildly entertaining so you figure, wtf, why not? Let’s go on a date. But then you go on the date and the entire time you’re like, “I really need to clean my bathroom. When was the last time I scrubbed my shower? Have I ever scrubbed my shower? How often should one scrub a shower? I wonder if I can just use an old loofa to scrub my shower or do I need to buy a sponge? Wait, no. I don’t need to buy a sponge, I’ve still got some under the kitchen sink. Sure those are supposed to be for washing dishes but I’m sure the shower won’t complain. In fact, it’s kind of a step up from a soon-to-be-discarded loofa. I can’t imagine that the dishes would get jealous. They’ve already got their own sponge and there are other ones under the sink so it’s not like they’ll really be going without if I use one of their sponges for the shower. Is a sponge hearty enough to clean a shower? I mean, it really has been a while since it’s been cleaned. And it’s not exactly a young shower… Some of that dirt is a permanent fixture by now. Aww fuck, did that guy just ask me a question? RIGHT! I’m on a date. Fuuuuuuuck.” And then the bastard orders a second beer and you want to cry because you just. want. to. go. home.