Eff around with the people again, and you can be sure we will do another George Yeo on you.

By Belmont Lay

What do Tin Pei Ling and Annoying Orange have in common?

THERE’S no other polite way I can put this: 7th May, 2011 will go down in history as the day when close to one million Singaporeans tore the PAP a new asshole.

For the ruling party to have won only 60.01 percent of all valid votes this General Election, is a very pathetic showing.

It’s akin to Man U beating Swansea City 1-0. And only because Man U played Swansea on the condition that Man U uses a futsal goal post.

And the Swansea goalkeeper must be a Paralympian.

Simply put, this result is telling. It is an indication of the beginning of a new era where Singaporeans, which includes Yours Truly, refuse to take any crap from anyone, less so from the ruling elite.

And truth be told, the supposedly biggest and most powerful machinery is not delivering the goods to the people who are increasingly empowered to hold it accountable.

The PAP’s Marine Parade GRC team led by the lanky titan Senior Minister Goh Chok Tong, who still appears a bit gormless to me, scored a mere 56.6% win against a new NSP team led by Spencer Ng (Hey bro! Sup man?!).

But looking only at the figures for valid votes is half the story. Let’s also look at the number of votes that were not cast.

For the record, 8.6 percent of the 154,451 voters (or 13,282 residents) in Marine Parade GRC decided they were going to stay home to make love or clean out the cardboard or pat the dog or cook pasta or go to JB or do dirty dancing for the rest of Polling Day. This makes the Marine Parade GRC the holder of the title for the lowest voter turnout.

To put this no-show number in perspective, the Workers’ Party led by God Himself, won Aljunied GRC by 12,433 votes.

And this no-show is serious.

Voters would rather abscond with the poll card than bother to show up to spoil the vote. And they would rather run the risk of being struck off the electoral list the next time round for being absent this GE than having to choose between NSP and PAP.

And I know why.

The no-shows of Marine Parade GRC didn’t want to vote for the NSP team led by Spencer (You the man, bro!) because he might be relatively inexperienced. And also partly because the NSP team showed up two weeks before Nomination Day and their quality was hard to judge.

But neither did they want to vote for a drooling vegetable known as Tin Pei Ling, who also happens to look and sound like Annoying Orange.

More importantly, Goh Chok Tong, Fatimah Lateef (who has teapot ears), Seah Teh Peng and ex-SAF regular Tan Chuan-Jin are not attractive enough, especially not so because they were coercing people to choose Annoying Orange too.

And let’s look at the other stats: The Workers’ Party secured 45.2 percent of votes in East Coast GRC.

The Singapore People’s Party managed 43.1 percent in Bishan-Toa Payoh GRC against PAP led by Wong Kan Seng (who also has teapot ears).

The National Solidarity Party scored 42.8 percent against Affordable Mah in Tampines GRC.

In other words, PAP almost lost four GRCs overnight.

Now that the report card is out, there is talk that PAP is doing some soul-searching to find out what caused the overall slump.

Why not consult me? I am a true blue Singaporean. I can tell you what went wrong having spent my whole life under the PAP regime.

Simply put, the politics of misdirection, arrogance, entitlement and double standards must stop if the PAP wants to woo the younger voters and not look like ingrates and turd-like in the eyes of older ones.

1. Misdirection: When WP came out with their manifesto about wanting to move towards a First World Parliament, what happened? As WP chief Low Thia Khiang put it, His Leeness was “jumping up and down” and getting livid over WP’s show hand gamble and harping on Aljunied GRC’s property prices.

Singaporeans no longer appreciate this kind of politics of misdirection. Address the issue directly, especially about a First World Parliament, rather than trying to beat us over our heads with a stick.

Graphic: CARTOON PRESS

2. Arrogance: Never, ever promise the electorate you can provide them with everything. Never only say sorry three days before Polling Day and never force the electorate to accept another Annoying Orange.

The method of picking candidates has to change. No more tea sessions that obviously don’t work because it cannot even spot God Himself from a mile away and the psychological testing should go the way of the typewriter.

3. Entitlement: Trying to justify why ministers make so much money is going to blunt PAP’s appeal to anyone who makes less than $30,000 a year.

Having front page say in the national newspaper is not helping either because it makes you all seem more powerful than you really are and having the mandate of Heaven to be featured ad nauseam.

For PAP to be able to pick and choose which candidates stay and which should be pawned in GRCs would give us not much choice except more Tin Pei Lings and less George Yeos.

Shouldn’t the people who are voting be entitled to choose instead? More SMC contests anyone?

4. Double standards: Vivian Balakrishnan, who annoys the hell out of a lot of people, straight or gay, got a direct answer from Chee Soon Juan when he wanted to know if the SDP had a gay agenda (Which is utterly nonsensical because there is no such thing as a “gay agenda” to begin with).

And when Vivian, who has a girl’s name, is asked to reveal the accounts for YOG, he hams and haws and acts like $300 million spent is all worthwhile.

Plus, for all the PAP talk about scrutinising opposition candidates for this GE, they couldn’t practise a little introspection.

Annoying Orange flouted campaigning rules at least twice, once before Nomination Day and then during Cooling Off Day as well, and then what happens?

Nothing. Precisely.

The Elections Department claims to be unable to deal with it, so they can take their rules and shove it.

So, that’s the round-up. But there’s more.

Yam Ah Mee, who is the new sex, has his stellar announcements to thank when more women (and some men) approach to bed him.

And this annoys the hell out of a lot of people as well because Ah Mee kept announcing PAP the winner for every GRC even when they only received 60.14 percent of the valid votes.

So, herein lies the point of today’s missive: 81-6 annoys a lot of people.

But that’s okay for now because the journey Towards A First World Parliament means more PAP candidates will be George Yeo-ed in 2016.

I can’t wait.

Caveat: Author is the boyfriend of Nicole Seah and her election agent for GE2011. Read with discretion.

I don’t support PAP but your extremely angry style of writing is descending to gutter journalism. I think it doesn’t help the opposition cause. Fair-minded reader will be turn off by your attacks, worst they may mistakenly think opposition supporters all think like you.

Sincerely hope you can tone down and focus on the issues instead of the person.

Anonymous Coward

Belmont Lay is Nicole’s Tin Pei Ling.

Something to consider

Do you think Belmont Lay has “normal” ears? Hope Nicole can see the real Belmont Lay, not just his ears.

Something to consider

You are not me, but I approve your message.

kc wong

hi belmont, to start with, i am pro-opp.
after reading your article, i am a little confused over which direction The New Nation is going.
if you wish the online newspaper (i assume it is) to be taken seriously, i think you should refrain from using such subjective language and making personal attacks (eg. making reference to Fatimah Lateef’s teapot ears).

since you are the bf of nicole seah. who is now the forebearer of thousands’ hopes, pls practise a bit of restrain and discretion, lest you provide ammunition for the enemies in future.

just a friendly advice.

mackinder

Cogent points, but unfortunately the message can be misread as nothing more than a snarky dig. A clear and measured tone goes a long way in public communication 😉

Phoebe Lim

This GE has confirmed something for me – despite the groundswell of discontent, it is still not easy to win a seat. WP fought tooth and nail at Aljunied. Percentage doesn’t matter, the SEAT does. Look at PP! Lost by 76 votes.

I hope PAP makes lots of mistakes in the coming years. It has to be their continued arrogance and groupthink that will help ripen the ground for the opposition. By then, I hope those who had voted for PAP this year will see that they are wrong to think that a single-party political system is the best for Singapore. Even a small economy can benefit from alternatives.

Don’t warn them ahead of time!

http://newnation.sg Shihan

Hi guys,

Erm, we’re not an ‘objective serious online newspaper’. I believe you’d be looking for TOC or TR for that.

Having said that we’re looking for pro-PAP writers now. They’re unbelievably hard to find. Are all the PAP supporters shy or what?

If you do know of anyone who’d like to contribute some lulz, do let us know. Anything goes on this site so long as its funny, logical and readable. Objectivity is subjective.

😀

Something to consider

Shihan, aren’t they all in the Straits Times or Today?

T

You are undoing all the good work that Nicole has done.

http://newnation.sg Shihan

Bro, go to her facebook page or the NSP page lah.

Anonymous Coward

I lol’ed.

Raymond

I actually enjoyed this article a lot.

There is a fine line between gutter journalism and tongue-in-cheek fun, and this one stays in the realms of the latter. Writing on current affairs doesn’t always have to be formal la. New Nation is not trying to be a 2nd TOC. This article didn’t come across as an angry rant to me at all (though yes, maybe the language can be toned down a bit)

Besides, the author doesn’t make the pretense of unbiased reporting. He clearly stated his relationship with Nicole Seah at the bottom of the article and I’m sure he knows the ire he may stir with this article.

terence

we’re serious in a non-serious way.

concerned

Sorry to say his attempts at lampooning weren’t funny. Doesn’t come across as satire either. Honestly looks more like childish taunting – kids poking fun at how fat or ugly one is.

“Yam Ah Mee, who is the new sex, has his stellar announcements to thank when more women (and some men) approach to bed him.”

you do realise how your article, while intending to make fun of others, seems to be a joke on yourself right? very few people are going to actually take your points when they are presented as arrogantly as you have done so. i tried to laugh at the jokes, but the problem is most of your jokes have nothing very funny in them – you’re not just joking, you’re mocking in a very derisive manner.

i hope you yourself do not become a liability to whichever party you vocally support in the next election, because we all know how the public reacts to arrogance.

Swansea City Fan

Dear Mr. Belmont Lay,

Hi! as a Swansea City Supporter, I would like to inform you that we highly take offence to your insulting analogy to my beloved football team. Let me tell you more about Swansea City FC, and how we absolutely are enraged by you claiming that we are a rubbish football club

The Swansea Jacks might want to have a few words with you, Mr. Belmont Lay. I wouldn’t be so eager to talk about tearing assholes if I were you.

terence

wow, haters from the UK!

thanks for informing us

Something to consider

That’s a supportive supporter.

nsp forever

come on lads,

give the man a break. i thought it was funny. haha. and im in full support of ur jokes.

Something to consider

Let’s just chill out like Mr Lay

Jack

Hi Belmont –

I think you have over-stepped the line and become personal in your attacks just as PAP used to do frequently in the past. Poking fun at a person’s physical attributes, even in a light-hearted piece, should not have been done. I think you owe MP Fatimah an apology.

I agree with T – that you are undoing all the good work that Nicole has done.

Does Nicole approve of this article?

I am pro-opposition and not pro-PAP.

Anonymous Coward

immature boyfriend?

Something to consider

I’d say… those who suggest ‘foreign talent’ issues are more immature. The real issue is giving our citizens opportunities that they won’t get in other countries, because we let other people earn big money here while Singaporeans, poor them, no farmland so they suffer. OTT I know. But the writer writes about his point

PAP-sie

Hi to the writer,

This country needs persuasive arguments by you and your girlfriend, because you two are not afraid to say the obvious and the truth. Some of them might be useful even.

Even though I’d voted for Tin’s team if I lived in Marine Parade GRC and not your girlfriend’s team (look at my name), I appreciate the good work she has done to promote awareness of our country’s affairs. And truth to be told, I think this 24-yo is more powerful than Tin herself, who is committed yet seem distant from the youth.

Anonymous Coward

Why do you guys need to declare your political affiliation when criticizing the article? Amuse me now!

Something to consider

At least he ain’t a PAP-pie

terence

how’s ‘PAPsie’ better than ‘PAPpie’??

Something to consider

One is a brand name, another is a degoratory term?

Anonymous Coward

Wat?

Allen Tan

Unlike the old guards, meritocracy has regrettably evolved into elitism. PAP’s hallmark of Humility, Industry and Genuine Interest to help the citizens is glaringly receding. Therefore, the groundswell against the PAP is justified.

Truely, PAP have lost their way. They no longer listen to the people and how their policies affect the citizens; preferring to think that only they know best. They are unable to empathize with the less fortunate nor show compassion to those suffering.

Their moral authority to lead has waned since their willingness, motivation and attraction to serve in Government is due to the obscenely high salaries they pay themselves.

Wake up PAP. Do not waste this chance to make good the errors of your ways. Otherwise, you might not find this chance available next time round when you are boot out.

Something to consider

If I can’t even donate money to a poor kid with leukemia, because I cannot even earn more than what I need to support myself, then I feel really, really sad because most Singaporeans are like me!

I’m thoroughly entertained! Great job with making a serious issue palatable. Keep it up guys

Something to consider

I believe NSP’s team in Marine Parade, given the low turnout of the elections, could possibly be a winner of this GRC. That is, if all votes swing to NSP and not PAP. But I believe voters there are disappointed. They don’t want Tin’s team, they don’t want NSP either (maybe except Nic Seah).

I think the PAP’s election victory there is not warranted, given that inclusive of the people who did not turn up, only less than half of Marine Parade’s residents support the PAP team.

The controversy of popular vote should form the basis of a by-election in Marine Parade.

Spencer?

Wait, isn’t the leader of the NSP team Ivan Yeo? Get your facts right before you shoot your cocky mouth off man.

And wtf is this with highlighting Spencer Ng’s past again and again, it’s quite damaging to the reputation of Mr Ng and the Marine Parade team…

Belmont, as the bf of a very very public figure you might learn the lesson that discretion is the better part of valour. Both you and nicole wouldn’t want to learn that the hard way?

Also, your style of writing is quite cringe inducing. Agree with commentator who noted that this cannot in any sense be classified comedic or satirical. The style is more accurately classified as smart-alecky but not quite making it. I mean, seriously?:

“The method of picking candidates has to change. No more tea sessions that obviously don’t work because it cannot even spot God Himself from a mile away and the psychological testing should go the way of the typewriter.”

If someone wanted to destroy Nicole by questioning her judgment, putting your writing samples up in Temasek Review might just negate all the good work she’s done so far.

I know New Nation trying to reach out to teenagers, but some of your articles are written as if they’re targeted at a pre-school audience.

Anonymous Coward

U mad /b/ro?

acorns

The writer should read the New Yorker for tips on writing in a punchy yet classy manner. I love a good shellacking but this just left a bad taste and lacking in sophisticated humour. You guys have done better, come on.

Save Nicole

For the sake of Nicole and SG youth, let’s start a Facebook petition for Nicole to dump Belmont.

Anonymous Coward

I lol’ed. U mad bro?

Something to consider

Nicole would be better off dumping NSP and join another opposition party with better organization, if she needs to ‘dump’ anyone. The suggestion above, to me, is lame.

SX

i’m a PAP supporter but I can appreciate the writer’s sense of humour (though I think this bashing of TPL is going too overboard everywhere else on the www) the way i see it, New Nation isn’t going to be like a serious online news website. reminds me more of those witty ones the americans are fond of. frankly, singaporeans too anal and uptight to appreciate lah.

Don’t you know TPL is unpopular in the PAP supporters’ too? We can’t vote for Nicole Seah yet, because her team-mates, even if they are good, aren’t Nicole Seah – and four-fifths of people in Marine Parade won’t be represented by her – so she needs more team-mates that we all can identify with. Like Tan Jee Say?

http://newnation.sg Shihan

The internet is a free content space man. And we’re not the opposition corp comms department. If you don’t like, don’t read. No one’s forcing you.

But again, WE’RE LOOKING FOR PAP SUPPORTERS!!! WRITE IN PLEASE!!!!

Anonymous Coward

I support the PAP. You can email me.

http://newnation.sg Shihan

u need to give us your email address. The real one.

Anonymous Coward

That’s the real one. Serious. Email me, I’ll respond.

Something to consider

I am also interested in writing an article in defense of GRCs, the importance of the Establishment, and an article on why more Singaporeans didn’t vote for opposition.

Something to consider

Political process requires the input of two parties: the proposition and the opposition. I appreciate that concern.

terence

yes something to consider,

we are very interested to have you write for us! we need more pro-PAP peeple.

Livid

I read this article twice and I found it to contain many inside jokes, sarcasm etc and many layers that cannot be taken at face value! If you read it at face value, you will not get it!

Anonymous Coward

I concur, I don’t know why people are getting their panties into a twist over this article.

mackinder

Some of us get the jokes and the full shebang, but we don’t think it’s really appropriate nor helpful. That’s all.

Let’s agree to disagree.

ex opposition supporter

i used to be an opposition supporter but now i dun. an alternative voice is a mere disguise to get votes. also there is no such thing as first world, just big words but it all voice down to who can bring in investments which in turn bring in jobs. who can run the country without bribes. i believe the country will begin to collapse once the PAP lose majority power. these so called young voters, are just being pampered and are voting against the gov for the sake of an easy life ahead. they should just work harder, study harder instead of complaining about everything. sore losers. its easy to cut price of everything, but life is not so easy man. once you lower the price of hdb, the rest of the property price will come down, those who are already holding on to properties will suffer. THINK ABOUT WHAT WILL HAPPEN BEFORE ASKING FOR A CHANGE, thats if you have a brain in the first place.

terence

hi ex opposition supporter,

would you mind writing an article for us about why you stopped supporting the opposition? are you using your actual email address?

Something to consider

I will if I can. I am actually like him.

Something to consider

Actually the reason why I didn’t support the oppo like I used to is – Reform Party.

They were the only voice representing economic liberalization and individual freedom. But they failed. There had been an exodus, from Tony Tan to Nicole Seah from RP to PAP. It shows that the Sec-Gen could have been hoarding and mongering power a way that repels more than attracts members. The remaining members are all yes-men and yes-women. And to me, SPP is actually an older version of SDP. In addition, i do not want any more political dynasties too.

At the same time, I know supporting the Workers Party would ultimately not be good for Singapore. I had not considered them in the first place, because I think they’re just PAP people in blue, their policies are not too far off, and too similar with PAP – so what’s there to oppose, when PAP had the first choice of talents that best fit into the grand scheme of things? Plus, SDA appeared to me as the idealistic version of PAP.

SDP were also nice, besides the RP they also had good policies and economic plans, but they appear as socialist and individualistic. Singapore really needs a hands-off approach to economics – funding could be a source of corruption by itself.

NSP, with so many RP members, could be a choice. But in the end, their policies aren’t as clear as RP. And it’s not quite well-organized – they only came up to my town (where NSP contested) once or twice while contesting.