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New beginning or ending?

Click-click-click, that’s like my new kind of music right now. That’s the only sound that I listen to for 9 nine hours, every single day. (God, bless the weekends!) So it has just been a month since I have started working and yes, it’s my first job. (Or is it the last?) I have these people sitting around me, punching the keyboard keys to create this horrible-horrible music, I have literally started to hate the computer and keyboard now. I sit on my desk trying to do my best but there is always that one person who tries to pull you down and that person likes to paint my work with red, that’s how my work looks after she checks it, correcting the mistakes with a red highlighter by coloring every single word, line after line. The unnecessary corrections, as I wish to call them. The other day that person had checked my work and didn’t spot any errors, I was happy. The very next day, that person accidently re-checked the same work and to my surprise, painted it red again! Isn’t this a deliberate effort to pull me down?

So, every day I sit there thinking to myself, more like arguing with myself in my head that do I really need this? Do I really want to do this? Can I picture myself doing this or anything related to this 5 years down the line? The answer to everything is ‘No’. Then why am I doing it?

Ever since I have started commuting for college I used to look at all these people running around to catch their particular trains and think to myself that that’s not the kind of life I would ever want for myself and what difference would it even make if they missed this train and took the next train that will arrive in like 5 minutes? But do you know what have I been doing since this whole job thing? Doing exactly the same thing! Catching an 8:24am train is better than catching an 8:29am train. Why? Because you have to reach your god damn work place! I never wanted this for myself. Never! Even I have started running around, bumping into people to catch my train, bus or rickshaw. Standing in a crowded train, sticking to sweaty people and hear them fight early in the morning over a petite issue like why did you push me or take my seat. I don’t want to do this anymore.

I know the solution to this situation, then why am I not confident enough to follow it? I don’t want anyone shouting at me, I mean even my parents don’t do that to me, then why should I let a bunch of strangers do that to me? I want to be my own boss. I have something in mind to do of my own, rather start on my own. All I need is the confidence to start it. I know I’ll be good at it and even the money part will be taken care of. This whole work thing has negatively impacted me. I haven’t got much time with my loved ones, I have followed the crowd to reach a place on time, I have eaten my cold lunch from a tiffin box, I haven’t gotten time for myself or doing things that I love, I have indulged in over thinking at work and even when I have reached home and I have stressed myself out.

Time is a good teacher and experience is a cruel teacher. True! Both of them have taught me something that otherwise I wouldn’t have learnt on my own.

A person is supposed to love what he does, right? I am going to do just that. ASAP!

PS: It feels so good to write for myself after a long time, almost like clearing up my head!