I don't believe I've ever posted this here. It's a family favorite. The second sort of goes with it.... lol

12 LITTLE BOTTLES

I had 12 little bottles of whiskey in my cellar and was told by my wife to empty the contents of every bottle down the sink or else...

I said I would and proceeded with the unpleasant task. I withdrew the cork from the first bottle and poured the contents down the sink, with the exception of one glass, which I drank.

I extracted the cork from the second bottle and, with the exception of one glass which I drank, poured that one down the sink.

Then I withdrew the cork from the third bottle and did likewise, with the exception of one glass, which I drank.

I pulled the cork from the fourth sink and poured the bottle from the cork of the rest and drank the sink of it and then the rest down the glass.

I pulled the cork from the fifth glass and poured the cork down the bottle. Then I corked the sink with the glass, bottled the drink, and drank the pour.

When I had everything emptied, I steadied the house with one hand, counted the bottles, corks, glasses, and sinks with the other (which were 29) and as the house came by I counted them again and finally had all the houses in one bottle, which I drank.

I am not under the affluence of incahol, but thinkly peep I am, and I am not half so drunk as you might drink. I fool so feelish I don't know who is me, and the drunker I stand here, the longer I get!

I think I konw who charles baer is guys... sorry... but he's my cousin. You would have to know my cousin really but he tried to feel me up when I saw him at Thanksgiving... oh I hate him! luckily he lives in PA so I don't have to see him alot!

Madam, you have between your legs an instrument capable of giving pleasure to thousands and all you can do is scratch it.