Refuse to Dislike

Once I went on an official tour to Assam and Meghalaya. In Shillong my colleague and I had some spare time and so we decided to drive up to Cherrapunji. The drive was very beautiful and we came across some rare natural beauty on the way. We ate our packed lunch on the way, sitting on a parapet wall on the roadside. The sight of the hillock on the opposite side was superb. So much so that despite being a steel man, I started thinking how beautiful the earth would have been without any steel. Anyway it was a momentary thought and after sometime we drove further. At Cherrapunji we sat in a small restaurant, looking at the surroundings and tasting some local sweets. There we met a person who must have been in his fifties.

By his looks and expression, he appeared to be an educated man hailing from North India. Perhaps he was the owner of or a frequent visitor to the restaurant. When asked he told us that he was from Punjab. One of our colleagues asked him how he had decided to settle down in Cherrapunji and how he liked the place. He did not like being asked all these questions saying these were personal matters and required a long time to explain. However, he told that he had retired from the BSF and most of his family members were settled in Canada. Since he did not like going there, he decided to stay back at Cherrapunji. He also said that he did not dislike anything except dishonesty and fraud. Though he did not hold a very good opinion about the locals, on the whole he liked the place. This attitude of the man impressed me a lot. Obviously the matter was not so simple. He must have had deep wounds within him. Yet he had adopted a positive approach to life by refusing to dislike his environment. While driving back to Shillong we talked about him and we all appreciated his attitude.

The whole thing set me thinking that there was a great lesson to be learnt from him. I, myself, believe in the same approach to life. When I decided to come to Calcutta, many friends and well-wishers asked me whether I liked the place. My answer had always been that I had never thought of disliking the place. And believe me I meant it too. I do not mean to say that there is nothing to dislike in Calcutta. In fact, there is plenty but what is the point in dwelling upon them? One can always identify so many likable things in any given situation and need not pay attention to others. If one can adopt this approach to life, life becomes much more beautiful. To be fair in my assessment of the person we met at Cherrapunji, I would say that though he was apparently happy, there appeared to be some bitterness within him. That is why he did not like being asked about his personal life. This dislike was against his claim that he did not dislike anything. He also said that he did not like dishonesty and fraud. While he was correct from a worldly point of view, going a little deeper would reveal that even this dislike is negative. While things like dishonesty, fraud, ugliness, etc., are to be opposed, there is no point in disliking them. The thought of disliking adversely affects us and creates disharmony.

This way we become the victim for no fault of ours. It is like saying, ‘hate the sin, not the sinner.’ If we follow this advice, peace will never be lost. There is one more way of looking at things. The whole creation of God consists of opposites. In fact, without opposites, there will be no existence. For example, we can talk of the good only so long the bad also exists. Similarly, there is no meaning of pleasure without pain. This logic can also be extended to all other things. Beauty has to co-exist with ugliness. Piousness is to coexist with wickedness. Honesty is to co-exist with dishonesty, so on and so forth. If we accept this fact of life, we have no reason to dislike anything. All things have to be accepted as they are. The only freedom we have is to play our own role in the best possible way in given circumstances. Whatever way we approach, there is no point in our disliking a situation and by refusing to dislike it we can turn every situation into something we like.

About The Author

Sri Rakesh Kumar Mittal IAS (Retd.) had been an administrative officer in Uttar Pradesh state cadre for about 35 years. He is a spiritual man with high moral values and a selfless heart. He has founded 'Kabir Peace Mission'. He has also written several books on positive thinking.

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Once I went on an official tour to Assam and Meghalaya. In Shillong my colleague and I had some spare time and so we decided to drive up to Cherrapunji. The drive was very beautiful and we came across some rare natural beauty on the way. We ate our packed lunch on the way, sitting on a parapet wall on the roadside. The sight of the hillock on the opposite side was superb. So much so that despite being a steel man, I started thinking how beautiful the earth would have been without any steel. Anyway it was a momentary thought and after sometime we drove further. At Cherrapunji we sat in a small restaurant, looking at the surroundings and tasting some local sweets. There we met a person who must have been in his fifties.

By his looks and expression, he appeared to be an educated man hailing from North India. Perhaps he was the owner of or a frequent visitor to the restaurant. When asked he told us that he was from Punjab. One of our colleagues asked him how he had decided to settle down in Cherrapunji and how he liked the place. He did not like being asked all these questions saying these were personal matters and required a long time to explain. However, he told that he had retired from the BSF and most of his family members were settled in Canada. Since he did not like going there, he decided to stay back at Cherrapunji. He also said that he did not dislike anything except dishonesty and fraud. Though he did not hold a very good opinion about the locals, on the whole he liked the place. This attitude of the man impressed me a lot. Obviously the matter was not so simple. He must have had deep wounds within him. Yet he had adopted a positive approach to life by refusing to dislike his environment. While driving back to Shillong we talked about him and we all appreciated his attitude.

The whole thing set me thinking that there was a great lesson to be learnt from him. I, myself, believe in the same approach to life. When I decided to come to Calcutta, many friends and well-wishers asked me whether I liked the place. My answer had always been that I had never thought of disliking the place. And believe me I meant it too. I do not mean to say that there is nothing to dislike in Calcutta. In fact, there is plenty but what is the point in dwelling upon them? One can always identify so many likable things in any given situation and need not pay attention to others. If one can adopt this approach to life, life becomes much more beautiful. To be fair in my assessment of the person we met at Cherrapunji, I would say that though he was apparently happy, there appeared to be some bitterness within him. That is why he did not like being asked about his personal life. This dislike was against his claim that he did not dislike anything. He also said that he did not like dishonesty and fraud. While he was correct from a worldly point of view, going a little deeper would reveal that even this dislike is negative. While things like dishonesty, fraud, ugliness, etc., are to be opposed, there is no point in disliking them. The thought of disliking adversely affects us and creates disharmony.

This way we become the victim for no fault of ours. It is like saying, ‘hate the sin, not the sinner.’ If we follow this advice, peace will never be lost. There is one more way of looking at things. The whole creation of God consists of opposites. In fact, without opposites, there will be no existence. For example, we can talk of the good only so long the bad also exists. Similarly, there is no meaning of pleasure without pain. This logic can also be extended to all other things. Beauty has to co-exist with ugliness. Piousness is to coexist with wickedness. Honesty is to co-exist with dishonesty, so on and so forth. If we accept this fact of life, we have no reason to dislike anything. All things have to be accepted as they are. The only freedom we have is to play our own role in the best possible way in given circumstances. Whatever way we approach, there is no point in our disliking a situation and by refusing to dislike it we can turn every situation into something we like.

Guru Raghavendra was a 16th century South Indian Hindu saint. Venkitanatha (early name) was born in 1595 as son to a refugee family from Vijayanagar Kingdom. He grew up to a very devoted religious scholar and skilled musician. Though he married a lady from a quite noble family, the family lived in utter poverty. He never demanded any fee for his. However, without any means to support his family, he had to endure a life of utter poverty. A description of the hardships faced by him might melt anybody’s heart. When other families observed Ekadasi (traditional Hindu one day full fasting) twice a month, his family did that several times every week. He could not afford a drop of oil to take an oil-bath even on a festival day like Diwali. His family did not see new clothes for years.

In spite of all these, he never wavered in his faith towards the Lord. He continued his self-study and free teachings, determined to be content with whatever came to him, unsought and unasked. He later became a very powerful saint, who did many miracles in his life.

He once attended a wedding. Seeing his poor cloths shabby appearance, the host mistook him for a beggar, who has come for free food. They asked him to grind sandalwood, to which he readily agreed. While working on it, he chanted Vedic Sukthas (verses). Further, those who used the paste on their body felt a strong burning sensation. On enquiry, they
understood that Venkatanatha was reciting Agni (Fire) Sukthas from Vedas, while
grinding sandal wood. The host immediately understood the saint’s magnificence and
begged him to make the paste again, chanting Varuna (Wind) Sukthas. He grinded
the salndal wood again, this time chanting Varuan Sukthas and when the new
paste was used, all burning subsided.

A lot is said on right attitude. Most people know that it is individual attitudes that decide ones future. Just a few days back I came across a touching folk story. It helped me to add more divinity to this ‘attitude’.

Here it is, ‘An old pilgrim was climbing the steep hills of Himalayas to reach a temple of his particular God. He was almost exhausted when he reached the temple. All his accumulated energy was hardly enough for him to climb the steps. He looked down the hills with awe and he noticed a young girl climbing the hills with a child on her back. She seemed to be an experienced mountain climber. Sometimes she changed to pushup postures and sometimes started in a plank position with arms and legs long, but every time with the child on her back.

He kept on watching them until they reached the top. The girl also was tired but not as much as he was. He asked the girl,

“How could you carry this weight, without a break?”

The girl looked at the old man with frustrated eyes. With an unhappy face, she replied,

“This is not weight, but my brother.”

At times of difficulty, I suggest that we change over to this Divine Attitude. I would also like to remind everyone that it may not be easy to keep identifying the appropriate situation where an upgradation is required for our attitude. There is an easy way. Make it a habit to use only Divine Attitudes, everywhere every time.

One ounce of patient suffering is worth far more than a pound of action.
The greatest mystery of life is that satisfaction is felt not by those who take and make demands but by those who give and make sacrifices. In them alone the energy of life does not fail, and this is precisely what is meant by creativity. There are three ways that prepare us for life’s trials. One is the Spartan way that says, “I have strength within me to do it, I am the captain of my soul. With courage and will that is mine, I will be the master when the struggle comes.”Another way is in the spirit of Socrates, who affirmed that we have minds, reason and judgment to evaluate and help us to cope with the enigmas and struggles of life.
The Christian way is the third approach. It doesn’t exclude the first two, but it adds, “You don’t begin with yourself, your will, or your reason. You begin with God, who is the beginning and the end. When your strength grows weak and your reason fails you, faith in the Creator gives you the power to overcome all things” .We have in life many troubles, and troubles are of many kinds. Following are the Seven Mischievous Misses who are responsible for most of our troubles. Miss Information, Miss Quotation, Miss Representation, Miss Interpretation, Miss Construction Miss Conception, and Miss Understanding.
A legend says that a man found his cross too heavy and beyond his strength. He prayed to the Lord to relieve him of it. The Lord, after much prayers, agreed, led the man to a large room where there were many crosses, and invited him to choose one less heavy. He went several times round the room but could not find a cross that could please him: One was too heavy, another too light, a third too small. Finally he picked up one somewhat satisfactory.
“Do you like it?” asked the Lord.
“Yes, it seems more fitting than all the crosses I tried”.
Then the Lord said, “Well, that was the cross you yourself laid down when you entered the room.”

‘The Americans, as we know, are very enterprising people. They are also very commercial-minded. They believe in the power of their dollar, their weapons and their economy. Whatever they get hold of will be transformed into means of power and wealth. They have managed to transform the Gospel of light and love of Sadguru Jesus Christ also into a ‘Gospel of prosperity and wellness’…..

‘Thus we have today a Christian faith that has gone through five major evolutionary phases. As a result it has become completely distorted.’ The Baba said. He stopped and looked at Atma Prakash who was all attention.

He then continued: ‘I believe, my son, the Christian faith will be able to rediscover its spiritual roots only during an ‘Indian phase’ that is yet to emerge. Christianity has to rediscover its Indian roots and rebuild itself on it. This is the spiritual task ahead of disciples of Sadguru Jesus Christ in India….

‘We are also included in this historic spiritual mission. Though we are not baptized Christians, we are also disciples of Sadguru Jesus Christ. We are trying to follow his path of forgiving, enduring and self-sacrificing love. We try to remain in communion with the living Spirit of Christ in, with and through the spirit of Sadguru Jesus Christ. We also believe in his Gospel of light and love. In fact, I personally believe that his Gospel of light and love will find its best spiritual expression in the Indian soil.’

The Baba stopped again, at looked into the eyes of his disciple.

Atma Prakash waited eagerly for his guruji to continue.

But the Baba only smiled…

It was very interesting to listen to this systematic analysis of the evolution of the Christian faith by his guruji. It made much sense.

An Irishman in a wheelchair entered a restaurant one afternoon and asked the waitress for a cup of coffee. The Irishman looked across the restaurant and asked, “Is that Jesus sitting over there?” The waitress nodded “Yes,” so the Irishman told her to give Jesus a cup of coffee on him.The next patron to come in was an Englishman with a hunched back. He shuffled over to a booth, painfully sat down, and asked the waitress for a cup of hot tea. He also glanced across the restaurant and asked, “Is that Jesus over there?” The waitress nodded, so the Englishman said to give Jesus a cup of hot tea, “My treat.” The third patron to come into the restaurant was a Redneck on crutches. He hobbled over to a booth, sat down and hollered, “Hey there, sweet thing. How’s about gettin’ me a cold glass of Coke! “He, too, looked across the restaurant and asked, “Is that God’s boy over there?” The waitress once more nodded, so the Redneck said to give Jesus a cold glass of Coke, “On my bill.”

As Jesus got up to leave, he passed by the Irishman, touched him and said, “For your kindness, you are healed.” The Irishman felt the strength come back into his legs, got up, and danced a jig out of the door. Jesus also passed by the Englishman, touched him and said, “For your kindness, you are healed.” The Englishman felt his back straightening up, and he raised his hands, praised the Lord and did a series of back flips out of the door.

I often recall a small event of 1983 when I was posted as Collector of a district, where in an old Sanskrit college a function was being organised. The management of the institution had approached me before the function to be the Chief Guest. The institution was located at a distance from the district headquarters and I was not sure of being able to spare sufficient time for the programme which meant a long journey too. Moreover, I did not consider myself to be the appropriate Chief Guest for such an institution. However, on insistence from the management, I had agreed.

Soon the day of the function arrived. It was in the afternoon and I had some very important papers to see at the headquarters. I was in two minds about whether to go for the programme or not, knowing that a collector can always excuse himself on some pretext or the other. That temptation came to my mind also. But in the meanwhile, one member of the management had come to my office to accompany me to the institution, so I reluctantly went with him. In my mind I was not sure whether the time spent on the function would be worthwhile or not. At that time I had become a life member of the Bharatiya Vidya Bhavan and its fortnightly journal used to reach me regularly. Usually, I read it while travelling, and on that day since the latest issue was with me, I went through the Bhavan’s journal. Apart from the text, this journal contains some sayings and thoughts from various sources written prominently in spare spaces. These thoughts are normally very inspiring. That day, soon after we started, I came across a thought which was like this: ‘Fortunate are those who keep their promise, be it good or sinful’. This single sentence removed all my hesitation and I became enthusiastic about the programme which was organized very well. We all felt very happy about it.

This incident made me contemplate. All of us face situations when we find it difficult to keep our word or promise. Those who are sensitive face a conflict in the mind, particularly when sufficient reasons do not exist for not keeping one’s word or promise. Quite often even such persons give untrue reasons for not keeping them, doing this mainly to satisfy themselves rather than others. Gradually, this becomes a habit; no wonder today we find many responsible persons whose word or promises have no meaning and who keep others in uncertainty even without sufficient justification. My contemplation in this regard has led me to the conclusion that for a sincere and truthful person, situations of such conflict hardly arise. Once we are firm in our resolve that we shall always keep our word or promise, events occur in such a manner that they are kept effortlessly. After the above-mentioned incident, I made it almost a sadhana to keep my word unless a situation arose when not keeping them became my duty. In that case, there has been no feeling of guilt or uneasiness. Gradually, a stage comes when we speak only those words which we are able to abide by effortlessly. Nature also creates circumstances accordingly. Personally, I have experienced many situations where I was surprised by the turn of events which made it possible to honour a commitment. The same situation then extends to our thoughts and we entertain only those thoughts which are actually converted into action.

I am not giving any specific events here because the intention is only to make a point. Here it is clarified that the point made is not as simple as it appears. The whole process requires a great deal of wisdom and maturity. To reach a stage when one’s words or thoughts are taken care of by nature, one has to undergo constant refinement and ripening. The first step is that words should be spoken after a great deal of thinking, and casual speaking should come to a stop. ‘Think before you speak and not vice versa’ has to be always kept in mind. It is better to keep silent if we are not sure of ourselves. One can always choose suitable words to deal with a particular situation in order to avoid further embarrassment.

Once we start doing so, our words have a weight of meaning and others take us seriously. The process starts from here. The second important step is that a promise or thought of action should arise as a result of duty, keeping in view the means available to us at a particular point of time. At times duty demands certain action on our part but means may not permit it. In such a situation, promises should be given accordingly. Thirdly, while giving promises one should be free from anger, envy, hatred or sentiments. Words spoken in such a state of mind normally create a difficult situation and disturb one’s peace of mind in the long run. Lastly, we must mean what we say and apply ourselves fully to keep our word. Nature helps us primarily through ourselves, and when we apply ourselves sincerely, conditions are so created that others also help. Once the above requirements are met, the process becomes natural and we are effortlessly able to keep our word. In fact, our will in that case becomes His will and we consider ourselves only the instruments. Even an apparently sinful act then becomes a part of our sadhana and leads to perfection.

Finding that cranes were destroying his newly sown corn, a farmer one evening set a net in his field to catch the destructive birds. When he went to examine the net next morning he found a number of cranes and also a stork.

“Release me, I beseech you,” cried the stork, “for I have eaten none of your corn, nor have I done you any harm. I am a poor innocent stork, as you may see – a most dutiful bird, I honour my father and mother. I…”

But the farmer cut him short. “All this may be true enough, I dare say, but I have caught you with those who were destroying my crops, and you must suffer with the company in which you are found.”

When I first learned the Darwin’s theory of “Survival of the Fittest”, I was little skeptic about the concept of fight a species has to do against the other species and the environment to prove that they are the fittest one and will go forward in the evolution path. By that age I was already quite impressed with Gandhi Ji’s theory of non-violence. My understanding at that age kept on quizzing me regarding the contrast between two theories.

Now I feel, that it is important to be powerful when you want to practice non-violence. If some country keeps on doing some proxy-war and keeps killing innocent people in a neighbourhood country the retaliation has to be there. It has to be powerful, secret and should have a long lasting impact. Still on the face of it policy of non-violence must be maintained. Non-violence should be towards the innocent and not towards the elements who have vested interests even in the system of terror. After all Darwin’s theory is quite proven and survival challenge is needed to be acted upon. Unfortunate most of us are man of words rather than man of action. Our tongue and lips act more than our minds. These days our fingers have started acting on social networks much more than they can act on triggers. Let there be no demonstration of power. It should rather be proxy versus proxy without any one ever knowing, who did what.

It is amazing how much time we waste, but if we are willing to make a few changes, our time can be used more efficiently. First and foremost, use logic and common sense and explore several options before proceeding. Accept and learn from your mistakes. Ask for help from someone who has more experience or skill. Be open to new ideas and amicable towards new perspectives. Speed your process and technique by planning ahead.
Make a list of ideas and even if you do not have time to proceed at the moment, you may have time to think about the most efficient procedure. When following instructions, read through the entire procedure before you begin and highlight important concepts. Learn the fundamentals before proceeding to the more complicated and use the proper tools and resources. A simple tool may be more appropriate for certain tasks. Always work in accordance with your priorities and finish the urgent tasks first. Be realistic in calculating the time required for each step. Set aside extra time for some unexpected delays. As you near the end of a step, begin thinking about the next. Divide your work into smaller portions and take breaks at intervals. A small project is less daunting and more easily accomplished. Stay focused because time can be wasted if you forget a step or get off track. Remove distractions to give your full attention. Complete one project before starting another for a sense of achievement.
Take a break as you need rest to replenish and rejuvenate your body and mind. Gently exercise to increase circulation and oxygen to your brain to think more clearly.
Limit your possessions as all possessions require your time and money to maintain. Get rid of unused and useless items. Buy time-saving, multifunctional and reliable items.
Organize your things and put everything in their proper place. This way you will not waste time in finding them whenever you require them.
Keep your thoughts focused on fruitful endeavours and be confident with your plans and proceed. Do the best you can and take pride in the quality of your work. Education allows you to adapt more easily. So offer your knowledge, skills and direction to others. Enjoy your spare time by doing things of your interest.