I posted this on Facebook yesterday but just couldn't let it go. J. Lee, you saw into my soul with that tweet. Rando guys asking me why I look mad or telling me to smile has got to be one of my top three pet peeves. Seriously, I even tweeted my frustrations almost a year ago:

Why do I look mad? Hey asshole, maybe I look mad because I actually am mador upset about something. Something that I'm probably not going to explain to your random ass.

Reasons why I might look mad:

I realized I left my cell phone at home

I was just sexually harassed waiting for my train which happens to many women ON THE FUCKING REGULAR

I'm thinking about some serious shit

You're staring at me and it's GROSS

I live in New York City and there are a myriad of inconveniences I have to deal with on a daily basis just to live a remotely normal life

Or MAYBE just MAYBE there are an infinite number of completely legitimate possibilities for why I might be upset, all of which are none of your damn business because YOU DON'T KNOW MY LIFE SON.

I've had this bullshit hurled at me in various cities but it makes significantly less sense in New York City. People here barely pay attention to dead people on the subway. Run around this town with an unprovoked grin on your face and just see where that gets you.

Basically, this is just some sexist bullshit. We don't expect men to run around grinning like a bunch of fools. When they look mad, we call it "brooding" or "masculine". Why the hell should women be expected to look happy and open to your sleazy advances all the time? What drives me even crazier is when a guy says something like, "why don't you put a smile on that beautiful face?" Because I don't give two shits about looking beautiful right now and I certainly am not concerned with looking attractive for your dumb ass.

(Furthermore, anyone who has to live with the fact that they have or will one day house a human being in their uterus for nine months and then push it through a very small cavity is allowed to not look so damn thrilled every once in a while.)

Guys, has this ever worked for you? How exactly do you see this moment playing out? Something like this, perhaps?

You: Hey girl, why do you look so mad?

Her: Because I was worried you weren't going to come over and talk to me but now that that's fixed why don't we head over to my place?

THIS. WILL. NEVER. HAPPEN.

How it will actually play out:

You: Hey girl, why do you look so mad?

Her: Silence

Or, if you say this to me:

Me: Fuck you.

Also, NEWSFLASH: Just because I'm not smiling doesn't mean I'm mad. This is just how my face looks, fool and you're just interpreting it as anger because it's the easiest emotion that your tiny brain is able to process.

Feelings I may be feeling when I look "mad:"

Nervous

Pensive

Tired

Hungover

Bored

Distracted

Lost

Hungry

ECSTATIC

I can't speak for all women, but the real reason I'm usually not smiling/looking mad is because I just saw you look me up and down like a piece of meat and I'm pretty disgusted with you and I don't want to give you any indication whatsoever that I'm remotely interested in you so I put an unfriendly look on my face with the hope that it'll keep you the hell away from me.

The bottom line is this: In actuality, I'm probably not mad and I do smile a lot, just not at you. If I wanted you to talk to me, I probably wouldn't look mad, so take that to its logical conclusion and leave me alone.