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(This is the first step in determining if I'm the right type of coach for you and you're the right type of client for me. If it sounds like my services align with what you're looking for then the next step is to set up a free 30-minute consultation call to further determine if it's a good fit for both of us.)

The Wake-Up

I ask myself this question all the time. In moments of doubt it keeps me from going to a dark place, that fear place, the one where I'm thinking/feeling, "Oh my God, this sucks! What am I gonna do?? What if it doesn't work? What if I can't figure it out? What if it all falls apart??"

And more often than not I also stumble onto an answer to the question, because, the funny thing is, there is almost always an answer to "What's the Opportunity?"

It's usually easier to ask ourselves that question when everything's stable. But when things suddenly shift or don't go our way many of us make a mental/emotional beeline to resistance, stress, anger, anxiety, and depression. "Oh no, I didn't get the job I wanted." "Oh no, I didn't get the loan I wanted, or the man or woman I wanted - life is so unfair."

That's just victim-thinking and for many of us it can spiral into a whole mess of "I'm not worthy" and "why don't good things happen to me." Well, they're probably not going to happen to you if you always revert to playing the victim every time life doesn't go your way.

What's the Opportunity?

We squander opportunities all the time because we're so consumed by fear and victim-thinking. Of course there are really traumatic things that happen like death, divorce, and health issues. But even then, there are so many instances where the events were hard for everyone at first, then they paved the way for some really significant personal development and healing. But only when the people involved were open to the opportunities.

So, when the shit hits the fan and things don't turn out the way you want, acknowledge your disappointment, cry about it, grieve if necessary, but even in the worst of circumstances there is an opportunity for something good to come of it. You just have to be open to shift your mindset. Only then will you see that maybe dropping your phone was an opportunity to unplug, or getting fired from your job was the nudge you needed to make a career change and get your ass back to the gym.

You can be your own life coach by asking yourself this one question, "What's the opportunity?"

(But beware, you might turn into one of those "glass half-full" people.)

I have just not been feeling motivated to work out lately. Yes, it’s summer, and maybe I’m feeling lazy, but I’ve hit yet another breaking point with that place called “the gym.” And along with it comes the awkward feelings of “how can I be a life coach and not be fit and healthy and happy at all times?” Well, the reality is that whether it’s exercise, work, love, life… all of them operate on an ebb and flow, meaning they have periods of intense productivity and periods where things slow down. The crucial part about slowing down is that we don’t beat ourselves up for it, but rather use it as an opportunity to reflect on the bigger picture and maybe find a new approach that works even better than the old one.

One part of the bigger picture for me is that the gym feels like the epitome of what it means to “go through the motions,” and I am working diligently to insure that no part of my life is about going through the motions. So I canceled my gym membership. Another part of the bigger picture is that I want to be healthy without feeling like my body needs to fit into any particular mold. So, I’m starting to try some other avenues such as running outside, which has been beautiful in this amazing summer weather. I’ve also taken classes at a couple new yoga studios because I’d like to see what yoga could do for me if I give it a chance.

Though it’s crucial to be disciplined with exercise, it’s also crucial to adopt of mindset of trusting in life’s ebb and flow. Just as we have to take advantage of when things are fast-paced and productive, we also have to take advantage of the downtime. If we’re constantly resisting or resenting the slower, more uncertain periods then we’re actually closing ourselves off to opportunities that will either lead us back into flow, or even allow us to take care of another area of our lives that maybe we’ve been neglecting.

Every day I assure clients that if they keep putting in the work to shift their mindset, then their lives will get better. And frankly, that’s almost always the case. That’s what’s so beautiful about my job. But, I’m not a fortune-teller and life has a tendency to throw us the occasional curve ball. Whack! And suddenly you’re wondering what happened to all that work you put in? Are you being punished? Actually, this is where the real work is by figuring out what there is to be gained from a less-than-ideal situation.

With every one of those curve balls we can be our own life coach. We can make a choice to either be victimized or empowered. For me it’s often a combination of the two. I typically have a little moment where I let myself throw a fit and then I start looking for the opportunity. What’s the opportunity here? For example, I moved out of my office on July 31 because I was supposed to move into a brand new office on August 1. But there have been construction delays and I’ve had to come up with creative ways to meet with clients in the meantime. Yes, I’ve had a few moments of disappointment as the open-date continues to get pushed back, but I’ve also had to look at the opportunities.

First of all, I’ve been able to save a little money on office rent this past month. I’ve also been spending more time outside during the day because I’ve been meeting some clients in Madison Square Park. And now the new office management company has set me up temporarily at their Lower East Side location where I have a nice office and an opportunity to meet some new people. Granted this little life dilemma is small potatoes compared to what some people are dealing with, but finding the opportunity can be applied to every life experience. The fact is, life is hard sometimes, but we have a choice in how we’re going to perceive it. Are we going to let it tear us down or build us up?