What Women Want - June 2018

30 May 2018

Mum was right

Don’t you hate it when your mother was right?

I mean, it’s not only just so frustrating but just so damn difficult to admit to! I guess though, in all honesty, it’s only frustrating when she’s right but you just didn’t take her advice. In fact, not only did you not take her advice but you flew directly in the face of said advice … Damn hard to come back from.

I find this to be particularly true when it comes to relationships. Mothers seem to be able to see things that we don’t always want to think is right. It’s usually because, by the time a mother has the chance to form an (often accurate) opinion, the relationship is already underway. You’re kind of already committed to it and sage advice, however apt, is not really what you want to hear when you’re embarking on this supposedly wonderful adventure.

However it would seem that, yet again, my mother was right. I’m frustrated because really by now, I should know that she would be right. It’s a conversation we’ve frequently had in my life and I’m yet to win the “no, no but I see a unique QUALITY in this person” defence that I normally stump up.

I’m not sure if it’s because

a) I really am an idiot and trust the wrong people or

b) I really do see something unique that is worth believing in but they just can’t sustain their potential or

c) that I just don’t get that my good intentions and passion to make it work is never going to be enough on its own. Whichever way, my mother was right again this week.

So here’s what I’ve learnt. Finally learnt. As in had to learn because life is just hitting me harder and harder with this one – every time I’ve been wrong. I mean in both personal and business, every single time I break this rule it’s lead to disaster ...

Take. Your. Time. Don’t rush into things. Get to know someone really really well before you let them into your personal space.

Now of course I don’t mean don’t socialise with people you don’t know, or don’t do business with people you don’t know. What I mean is don’t form deep, invested commitments with people just because you saw “something good” in them. Even “something wonderful” can turn to “something downright scary” before you can think possible, so TAKE YOUR TIME to get to know someone properly before you make a commitment with them.

Now, given this has happened to me on more occasions than I care to share, I have also realised one of my other faults – I hang on for too long. I believe that my good intentions, my hard work and dedication will fix things. It won’t. It just exhausts you and leaves you in a position of giving and someone else sadly in a position of taking.

So be careful of how much of yourself you give.

You all know I’m the most proactive promoter of giving positivity, of community volunteering, of giving your energy to your goals. But I’m talking about how much you literally give of yourself, your light, your sacrifice, to someone else. Because if you commit to the wrong person, no matter how much you keep dancing you can’t bring them back to the light. “You can’t keep dancing with the devil, and wondering why you’re still in hell.”

So be brave. Put a stop to things that aren’t right for you any longer, listen to your mum’s wisdom a littler more and slow down and take your time.

What a woman wants is to never be wrong but what a woman needs to realise is that when she is, the safest place is in the comfort of her mum’s words and to realise that sometimes a path is coming to an end that was inevitable. So when it’s time to move on, don’t be afraid – the best days are still ahead of us all.

With much love,

Abby.

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