The following text is part of a sample chapter from the book: The True Spiritual Nature of Love.

I’ve become a slave to my own emotions.

I’ve completely lost sight of who I am.

What’s happening to me? Why can’t I stop thinking about him? Why am I so upset about him leaving me? Why can’t I just move on and forget about this whole thing?

Oh yes, that’s right. How could I forget? There is nothing else. There is nothing to move on to; there is no future for this world, much less my own life.

All that I have worked for, everything I’ve ever known; it’s all gone. I can no longer offer the world any further contribution. So why is it that I continue to live? Is my natural instinct to survive the only thing that’s keeping me breathing this very moment?

Nothing makes sense anymore… I thought I had everything figured out, but now I realize how ignorant and helpless I really am.

But what is it that I’m missing? Why can’t I comprehend the mysteries of life? Why can’t I uncover life’s secrets so that I may plan the appropriate course of action? Why am I denied control over these things? Is life simply incomprehensible?

I cannot accept this! Even if it were true… there’s got to be something I’m missing.

#

Unexpectedly, I caught a glimpse of the male’s return from a distance… oh no, it’s him again; it is he who despises me, making his swift return, only to witness the never ending enigma soaring beyond my apparent humiliation.

“Yup, I figured you’d still be here,” he stated upon arrival.

I hadn’t responded, gawking at him with the stupendousness of a hopeless romantic, watching as he descended gracefully while dissolving his wings.

“I’m sure you’re probably wondering why I came back,” he said as I turned my eyes from him several times before making steady contact. “Well, truth is… I don’t even know.”

“Do you hate me?” I asked abruptly, hoping to read his true intent.

He hesitated to reply, as if unprepared for the answer.

“I… I don’t hate you …it’s just… you tend to really get under my skin. I don’t know how you do it but you do.”

I was hoping his answer would clear up at least a few of the numerous questions I had swimming through my brain, but it didn’t. In fact, it left me even more confused.

What does he find so frustrating about me? What is it about me he’s failing to acquire if he’s not putting any apparent effort into acquiring it? Males seek power and sexual pleasure, but yet this male is failing miserably with consistence of this theory.

Damn it! What is he after? I just don’t get it… Does he want me or not?!

His lack of patience of me has proven to exceed even my limitations, and yet he returns to me for the third time without any apparent desire or objective. If only I could just prowl into his sub consciousness and expose his true intent. I bet then I’d uncover his ravaging obsession of me.

Oddly enough, I actually aspire for his obsession; I want him to want me; I want him to thirst for my flesh. Contrary to my feelings of such lustful obsession, at least by this manner, I can easily predict his intentions and therefore calculate his proceeding motivations. I’ll know how to control him; I’ll know how to manipulate him into the will of my desire; I’ll know how to take command over the situation.

Strange… why am I suddenly feeling so excited over the pondering of this plan? Is it because I’ve finally conspired a plan to control him or am I simply granting myself an excuse to express my unexplainable stimulations of him… wait, what?!

“Exactly as I said it. Let’s forget everything that’s happened and pretend we’re meeting for the first time. Hi, I’m Genesis, and you are?”

I stared at him skeptically as he reached out his hand. Why is he doing this? What could it mean? There’s got to be something behind it…

“But you know my name. I don’t understand what you’re talking about.”

“I’m afraid you’re missing the point.”

I raised my eyebrows in confusion, staring at him skeptically again.

“Jesus, do you have to make everything complicated? Just shake my god-damned hand and tell me your name already!”

“I will do no such thing!”

“Well then I don’t know what to do then,” he proclaimed as he threw his arms in the air and turned away from me.

Hmm, interesting how he responded there; claiming he possessed no objective all along; meaning he hasn’t come here with a set goal of acquiring me… or actually… what if his plan is to simply make me think this way? What if he’s trying to direct my thoughts into thinking he doesn’t want me… that way he can catch me off guard and seize me at my highest level of vulnerability?

This would indeed be a genius plan, for the common female, but no such plans will work against me!

“Hmp! Nice try, male! Your master plan may have worked with Winter, but I assure you it won’t work on me!”

“Wait, what? Now what are you talking about?! What did I say this time to make you think whatever crazy thoughts you’re thinking?”

“Cut the act! You’re smarter than the rest of them, I’ll give you that, but my halo power has the ability to appreciate beauty when it sees it. And you, like all males, possess no such beauty!”

“What are you talking about, woman?!”

“You can deny it all you want but I know you want me! Every male does!”

“Not this one! I hate to disappoint you but I was never interested in you! Like I said before, you’re not my type!”

I shoved him aggressively out of subconscious rage.

“Liar! I’m everyone’s type! There isn’t a single male immune to my beauty! I know you want me! They all do! So just freaking admit it all already!”

“Alright, look at me! Look at me damn it!” he shouted, waiting for me to exchange eye contact. “I do not want you. I never wanted you. The only reason I’m here is to provide you company. Really it was the guy’s idea. They kept insisting I return to you because I’m the only one who can trade two sentences with you!”

“Shut up! That’s not true! I won’t believe it! I know you want me! They all do!”

I pounded his chest subconsciously again and again until my voice finally cracked, following with a river of tears whose origin was unknown…

I don’t understand… he has to want me. All males crave for my flesh. If it’s really true that he doesn’t, then what does that make me? Ugly?

What does it mean to have the representative of beauty be denied of her title? Worthless? Am I unworthy of my title?

“Screw you! I hate you!” I chastised, shoving him as hard as I could until I fell down to my knees, breaking down into my ultimate humiliation.

“Whoa, Whoa, Whoa!” he said as he immediately joined me knee level. “What’s wrong? I thought we were just having a normal conversation?”

I would have come to the conclusion that he’s relishing in my suffering right now, but he claims to lack any attraction of me… if I was ugly to him before, what am I to him now? I can hardly bear the thought…

“Get away from me! Just go away! Haven’t you done enough?!”

“Well… I’m still uncertain of what I did in the first place but there’s no way I can just leave you alone like this… come one now, just stop thinking for a moment and focus on getting better.”

“I don’t understand!” I asked while in the midst of my utmost disgrace. “What is there left for you here? Do you not see how pathetic I am? I am like a wilted rose spreading contagion throughout the beautiful garden. Get away from me before I spread my infection!”

“I’m really confused what made you feel this way, but you are most certainly not a wilted rose,” he said as I ignored him and sobbed away. “Alright look, I lied. I am interested in you but just not in the way you think. It offends me greatly when you compare me with the male army. I’m not like those guys. I don’t want your body and I don’t want to take your power. I want you! I want to know you. I want to discover who Sophia, the bispiritian of beauty, really is. Does that make sense?”

“But I don’t understand! Why would you want me if you think I’m ugly?” I sobbed, blabbering words barely audible.

“Geese, woman! Where in the world did you come up with the impression that I thought you were ugly? You’re absolutely exquisite and I never claimed otherwise! All I’m doing is making a point that beauty isn’t everything. Real men like me want more out of a woman than just their beauty. Real men like me want everything.”

Wiping away my tears, I studied his intentions for a moment, stunned by his answer.

“Everything?” I asked, still adjusting to what I just heard.

“Yes, beauty and power aren’t enough to satisfy me. I want more. I want something deeper!”

I couldn’t apprehend what he meant by that but somehow the confidence in his eyes drew out an almost uncomfortable level of exhilaration from my body; something about his words really excited me… but I didn’t understand why, and frankly, I almost didn’t care.

I suddenly felt an immensely stimulating desire to experiment with something, but I didn’t want to think about it too much; I’d rather just act on it and let my impulses run wild.

“Something… deeper?” I asked as I rose up to my feet suddenly, startling him as I gazed at him intensely.

“Yes,” he replied simply as I unconsciously found myself suddenly admiring his entire body.

I placed my hands gently on his chest as I then closed my eyes for a second… inhaling deeply and then exhaling… very slowly. I had to soothe my incredulous heart rate before it would burst outward!

Something deeper than beauty and power… I don’t know what it is but I know it’s definitely there, and right now, I starve for it!

Unconsciously, I put on my best smile, gazing at him so intensely that he became uneasy. This fueled my drive more as I suddenly shoved him aggressively against the cave’s walls.

“Jesus!” he said as I lowered to get a good taste of his enticing flesh.

Mmm… I can feel his shivers… yes… that is ever so delightful… my dominating actions are driving his nerves insanely above their comfortable levels… I own him… he is mine!

“Na-ah,” I shushed him as I embraced to whisper into his ear. “You aren’t going anywhere.”

To ensure his helplessness, I triggered my full energy, over powering him immensely! There is nowhere he can run, nothing he can do… and such thoughts only enticed my stimulation; I suddenly craved more!

“What’s gotten into you?” he asked as I ignored him and did whatever I pleased.

I relished upon the sight of his body tension increasing; the greater his nervousness, the tighter his body flexed in resistance. However, the greatest part of it all was there was nothing he could do to counteract. He was completely restrained under the mercy of my power!

I am the dominator of his world; the director of his actions; the controller of his will! Nothing he desires will ever come before what I desire! He will no longer act spontaneously unless I grant him permission!

No longer will I be thrown helpless under his unpredictability. No longer will I ever be made vulnerable! He will not act unless I tell him to act but when I tell him to act, he will obey!

I didn’t know what to do with myself. My exhilaration levels had sky-rocketed beyond a capacity I could stand but I had no idea what to do with it! I possessed the power to do anything I imagined to him… anything at all!

Beginning from the waist down, I very gently brushed my fingers upward, down casting my eyes from his steamy physique, up toward the destitute anxiety in his eyes.

Yes, that’s right! You are mine now!

I scrutinized him critically as I reminded him the level of my position, piercing his skin penetratingly and forcing him to grunt.

Such helplessness compelled me to drive a stronger reaction from him as I then thrust my body into his against the wall. With my body mashed against his, I could feel his excitement rising. I felt the immense thumping of his heart as it raced faster and faster; His breathing rate and volume were forced to escalate; the temperature of his body was obligated to heighten and the sweat down his skin was helpless to release.

I examined every moment of his uncontroversial resistance; the struggles, the squirms, the helpless grunts… such resistance lent me unbelievable pleasures! I relished upon his submission with the thrilling awareness that his once high demanding authority was now being placed under mine! I could not ask for a greater satisfaction!

Is this indeed what he spoke of?

I loved every second of watching his apprehension streak down his face. If only this could last forever. Then again, I very well could make that happen.

“Yes…” he moaned, suddenly drawing confident satisfaction that was not my intent to summon.

Suddenly, a smile crept upon his face without my permission; and such rebellious behavior can only mean one thing… that I’m losing control over him.

I don’t understand! What’s happening? Why is he regaining boldness? What have I done wrong?!

Much to my horror, his eyes suddenly expressed confidence in claiming me; his hands wrapped around my waist very softly… as they then lowered down to my butt, forcing me to yelp uncomfortably when he pressed his hands into it.

He gazed at me like a mad man as if it were his desire to ravage me like an animal, educating my reason to fear him.

Stunned by his sudden obsession, I froze like a helpless doll as he suddenly pressed his lips against mine, summoning a greater fear than anything I’ve ever experienced!

“Mmmm no!” I gasped, backing off him before my heart exploded!

“What?” he asked as if completely puzzled. “What’s wrong?”

“What do you think you’re doing?!”

“What do you mean, ‘what am I doing’? I’m responding to what you’ve started!”

“How dare you touch me like that!”

“Are you freaking serious right now?!”

“See I knew it! You’re no different than any other male! I don’t even know why I stressed over it! You’re all the same!”

He bashed the walls suddenly with his fist, cratering the edges. I gasped instantly, not expecting such rage from him.

“You’re accusing me of playing you?! I don’t believe this! What, were you trying to set me up to prove your point?! That you haven’t even accurately proved?!Are you freaking retarded or something?! How do you expect a man to react when a female traps him helplessly into a corner and rubs her body all up against him?! Did you seriously expect me to do nothing while you rub up against my body?! What in your ridiculous mind allows you to believe that you can just do anything you want without me even being allowed to touch you?!”

I hadn’t responded, staggered by the gravity of his retaliation.

“You know, you accuse me of playing games with your mind all the time but you’re the one who’s always screwing with mine! If you hate males touching you so much then stop trying so hard to lure them in, you freaking retard! I mean what the hell’s wrong with you?! Why entice me, tease me and then turn around claiming I’m a monster when I touch you back?!”

“Because I know deep inside you’re all fiends who seek nothing but power and self-pleasure!”

“Hypocrite! Which one of us killed thousands of lives in order to acquire the power to rule the world?! And which one of us threw ourselves on others, seeking personal thrills without allowing the other to have a say on it?! Place your judgment where it’s do, woman!”

“I am nothing like you fiends!”

“And quit addressing me as a collective! I am one man and I deserve to be treated as an individual! In-di-vid-ual-ity; do you understand the meaning of that term or should I spell it out for you?!”

“Don’t mock me, you freak! Who do you think you are?!”

“I am whoever I want to be! Get it?! I am my own person. Therefore, I make my own decisions! Not you!”

The rage and frustration in his eyes told me how significant this matter was to him; above anything, I could see that he was fighting for control over my obsessive world. Somehow I found this extremely attractive; it made me want him even more… to completely dominate over all his stored passion and obsession.

He continued staring at me in all his fury, eagerly awaiting my answer but it was not at all my intention to respond. I was much too aroused by his passion to be angry with him; but what truly heightened my attraction of him was not only was he fighting for it, but he was demanding it, practically claiming it as his own!

He shook his head once he noticed my infatuation over his anger.

“Gah, look at you! You’re not even taking this seriously,” he said, keeping his eyes off me. “Why do I even bother with you?”

He stormed off toward the exit of the cave, leaving me lost in my own disillusioned consciousness.

I don’t understand what’s happening to me or why I’m feeling the things I do, but with the male preparing to head out, do I really have time to think about this?!

“Where are you going?!” I asked with a hint of devastation in my voice.

“I’m not going anywhere. I just need to take a breather from you for ten minutes. Is that okay with you, Ma’am?!”

He turned back to look at me with such rage filled eyes, I dared not do anything but take him as seriously as possible. It terrified me in trying to portray further upsetting him.

Not knowing what to say, I simply nodded until he turned away from the sight of me, placing his arms over his head.

The depth of his agitation was clearly apparent in his outward expression. I could see his frustration amongst the dark shadow underlining his eyes. I could hear the deep inhales and exhales as he very slowly let out a relieving sigh. I could feel the intense heat burning deep within his heart.

This is the art of a disturbed man, broken from his limits. The poetry of his sensitivity; the abundance of how important this was to him… it was all so very beautiful.

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