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Every human being/cyborg has many times been struggling through the menial activities of daily life and thought, how can I make this day go by faster. The more adventurous few even concede of keeping time constant and simply choose to add something to the environment to make it more enjoyable.

Well, as far as a poor use of analogies goes, “the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree” and I’ve come up with the perfect addition. While folding some laundry and basking in its fuzzy warmth and boredom, the internet radio decided to play “Homage for Satan” by the death metal band “Deicide” (which is humbly defined as the act of killing god). And as a murdered god is my witness, the relevant anger being channeled through my body produced a most intriguing effect – the socks, pants, shirts, and even the vaguely non-foldable clothing materials (various lengths of human skin etc) began to neatly organize at a remarkable pace. Had the blast beats and demonic vocals somehow make me more efficient?

Naturally, I put the music to the test. Armed with cannibal corpse, six feet under, suffocation etc, I took to the streets (other rooms in my apartment) and tried to make some scientific correlations. And you know what? – it worked. That’s it. That’s what I discovered. Yep.

Sorry, I was totally being so death metal there by not continuing that paragraph. Anywhore, all previously boring activities became more than just acceptable, they became gratifying. Granted, I accidentally removed ALL the enamel off my teeth and the dishes ended up as razor sharp faux porcelain shards, but it doesn’t matter, the point is it works!

I know stuff like doing the chores, or walking a stranger’s newborn child may seem tedious and uninteresting, but trust me, adding a touch of death metal to the mix will make all your troubles cease. Just remember, Einstein didn’t invent the panini press listening to jazz, so fuck you!