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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Coulrophobia is the fear of clowns. Plenty of adults have it these days, and this vintage photo from Jessica E. may explain why:

Ah, yes: the great clown massacre of '77.

Rachel W. and I agree that the baker responsible for splitting this cake must be a sufferer:

See, now he's only got one hand to strangle you with - much better.

Plus, Melanie K. learned that bakeries today are still carrying on the proud tradition of traumatizing the kiddies:

"Come closer, little children. Binky wants to play..."

While Lulu C. discovered the ghosts of clowns past:

Or are those zombie clowns? Hmm. Better eat their brains before they eat yours, Lulu.

Of course Kyle D. is correct: no one put Coulrophobia on the map like Stephen King. Remember that freaky looking clown from It?

Because apparently this baker does.

Here he is again, only this time the resemblance is intentional:

Still, I'm disturbed. Look, I know I'm a wimp when it comes to horror flicks, but the fact that freakin' ten-year-olds are watching It is making me look unusually spineless-blob-of-jelly-like, ok? It's like the first time I got on a loopy roller coaster at age 20: There I was, about to soil myself with fear, while a stinkin' toddler(ok, so maybe he was a tall toddler) sat next to me giggling himself silly. Lucky for him I couldn't pry my white-knuckled hands from the lap bar, is all I can say.

Also, how bad does your name have to be that you abbreviate it on your own birthday cake? Sephiroth? Scooter? Sheldon? Scooby? (Yes, my knowledge of silly "s" names is limited to cartoons and video games.) Guys - your nominations?

Hey I recognize the clowns on the first cake. We learned to make those in the first Wilton class. My 14 year old daughter is terrified of clowns (I'll have to tell her what the technical term is) so she asked the instructor if she could just make more roses instead of the clowns. You could hardly see her cake for all the roses...talk about determination.Anyway, regarding these cakes on the whole I think Bart Simpson said it best: "Can't sleep...clowns will eat me."

The first one does look like blood spatter but the second one really looks like two guys with names like Vinnie and Guido caught up to him after reneging on a little bet on the ponies and he's been left in the gutter to beg for help with his one free hand from passers by.

Oh the inhumanity!

I can picture the clown sitting in Don Corleon's office only days before..... "What have I ever done to make you treat me so disrespectfully? If you'd come to me in friendship, then this scum that ruined your daughter would be suffering this very day. And if by chance an honest man like yourself should make enemies, then they would become my enemies. And then they would fear you."

Yeah, that Clown Massacre of '77 is great!I hate clowns too, and I can't watch modern horror films. Start with the classics like Vincent Price films and work your way up to Hammer Horrors. They're better than anything made these days!

Those are the cakes that nightmares are made of.Especially that first one--my grandmother had a little bowl of those clown heads in her cupboard for 30 years. You would think you were grabbing a bowl for ice cream only to find all these balding heads on sticks staring up at you. Scared me every time (and no, I never saw the used on a cake, they must have been for "just in case").

Hahahaha the Clown massacre cake is hilarious, in a Quinten Tarrantino sort of way. As for the S name, seeing as how he has some upstanding parents that let him not only watch IT at the age of 10, but they spring for Pennywise to be put on his birthday cake, I'd vote for something like Scanlon.... which means Little Scandalous One

I've just decided that for my birthday cake this year I've GOT to get the clown college drive by that is the top picture. I can remember my birthday cakes as a child (70's) looking very similar to this and I SO need to relive that!!

I've been a huge fan of Cake Wrecks for quite some time, and I just so happen to work for a wedding cake obsessed TV company, so between your blog and my daily grind, my life is filled with fondant and ganache.

However, your Sephiroth reference has officially put your blog as my start page. Cakes AND Final Fantasy?! This boy's in heaven. You rock.

Oh gods. I'm one of the coulrophobia crowd, too. UGH. The only good thing about clown cakes is that it's legal to squash them with a hammer, whereas I have been informed that squashing real clowns is not. Either they are deliberately trying to traumatize that poor, long named 10-year-old, or he or she is already a warped little cuss. Brr!!

The top cake clearly came out of a Wilton I decorating class -- they're still teaching you to make clowns the same way in 2009 -- I just took a class in February. (But I ran with the horror -- did it in garish colors, and put the joker's head on one of the clowns). Pic http://public.fotki.com/samuraimeg/family/cakes/1000626.html" REL="nofollow">here. Three of the clowns fell over on the drive home.

Clowns. *shudder* Why'd it have to be clowns? And how mean does that kid's parents have to be to put an evil clown on a BIRTHDAY cake? Thanks mom and dad. Forget all the (hopefully) awesome presents he got. That terrifying face will be the only thing he remembers. Oh, and let's not forget he won't be able to sit at a table without looking under it, like, a MILLION times. Can you say therapy?

If your name is Sephiroth then you should never abbreviate it EVER! Unless...you know, you're kind of a pansy and then you don't really live up to the name ;)

'It' still creeps the hell out of me at 28 (though maybe that's partially BECAUSE I was about 10 years old when I first saw it) ...which was only because my older brother kept telling me I'd like it. Hmm, maybe that cake is from an older brother trying to terrorize his younger sibling...

my niece is terrified of clowns. when we recently went to the circus, the clowns were working the line as we waited to be admitted and she just about cried when he stopped to talk to my boys. I had to shield her. LOL I gotta show her this post. It will make her day!