Talking
and relationships

Cancer can affect your relationships and sexuality, whether you have a partner or are single. But there are things you can do to cope.

If you have a partner, let them know how they can support you. They will be affected too, so try to work together as a team. Share your feelings with each other. Try not to protect each other from bad news or strong emotions. If you find talking difficult, try communicating in different ways. For example, you could write down your feelings for your partner. You can both also find support outside the relationship.

Cancer and its treatment can affect different parts of your relationship, such as your sex life, normal routines and day-to-day life. If your partner is your carer, this can also have a big impact on your relationship. It is important to nurture your relationship by spending time together and planning things you enjoy.

If you are single, you may be unsure what to tell a new partner about the cancer in future. It is usually best to be honest with the other person.

Practical tips for talking to your partner

You will feel supported and your partner will feel valued, as they can ask questions too. This can make later conversations easier.

Remember your partner will be affected too

A cancer diagnosis affects both partners, so let them talk to you about how they feel as well. If your relationship is strong, it can be a great source of strength for both of you.

Talk together as a team

Trying to protect each other from bad news or difficult feelings will create distance in the relationship. If one partner feels they always have to be strong for the other one, they may begin to feel angry and resentful.

Deal with strong emotions

Strong emotions can often make talking difficult. We have tips on dealing with disagreements and resolving conflict in your relationship.

Talking is only one way to communicate

Facial expressions, body language, gestures and tone all contribute to how we express our thoughts, feelings and ideas.

Write down your feelings

Share these with your partner. We have a tool that may help with this. You can download it as a PDF from our information about talking about your diagnosis.

Nurture your relationship

Spend time together and plan fun activities. It is important to maintain a normal routine for your relationship.

Talk about whether cancer is affecting your sex life

Cancer and its treatments can affect your sexuality, sex life and relationships. We have information about the effects on your sex life and how to manage them.

Find support outside of the relationship

It may also be helpful for you or your partner to talk to others in a similar situation. You can do this on our Online Community. You may also want to speak to a counsellor or go to a support group, either on your own or with your partner.

If your partner is your carer

Your partner may also be your carer. A carer is anyone who provides unpaid support to a family member or friend who could not manage without this help. If your partner is your carer, this can also have a big impact on your relationship.

Practical tips for talking to your partner

Let your partner know how they can support you. We have tips on asking for support from your family and friends

Ask your partner to come with you to hospital appointments. You will feel supported and your partner will feel valued as they have the chance to ask questions. This can make later conversations easier.

Remember that your partner will be greatly affected by your illness too. A cancer diagnosis affects both partners, so let them talk to you about how they feel as well. If your relationship is strong, it can be a great source of strength for both of you.

Talk together as a team. Trying to protect each other from bad news or difficult feelings will create distance in the relationship. If one partner feels they have to always be strong for the other one, anger and resentment can build.

Talking is only one way to communicate. Facial expressions, body language, gestures and tone all contribute to how we express our thoughts, feelings and ideas.

Write down your feelings. Share these with your partner. We have a tool that may help with this. You can download a PDF of it.

Nurture your relationship. Spend time together and plan fun activities. It’s important to maintain a normal routine for your relationship.

Your partner may also be your carer. A carer is anyone who provides unpaid support to a family member or friend who could not manage without this help. If your partner is your carer, this can also have a big impact on your relationship.

My relationship with my wife suffered after the diagnosis. We slowly moved further and further apart, as we buried our fears to a certain degree. Psychological support really helped bring us back together.

Ashley

If you are single

If you are single, you may or may not feel like this is the right time to start a new relationship.

If you do want to start a new relationship, it may be hard to decide:

what to tell a new partner about the cancer

when to tell a new partner about the cancer.

It is best to be open with the other person and make time to discuss your situation.

If you think that you need some help, you can get support from family, friends or a support organisation.

Thanks

We rely on a number of sources to gather evidence for our information. If you’d like further information on the sources we use, please feel free to contact us on: bookletfeedback@macmillan.org.uk

All our information is reviewed by cancer or other relevant professionals to ensure that it’s accurate and reflects the best evidence available. We thank all those people who have provided expert review for the information on this page.

Our information is also reviewed by people affected by cancer to ensure it is as relevant and accessible as possible. Thank you to all those people who reviewed what you're reading and have helped our information to develop.

You could help us too when you join our Cancer Voices Network – find out more at: http://www.macmillan.org.uk/cancervoices

We make every effort to ensure that the information we provide is accurate and up-to-date but it should not be relied upon as a substitute for specialist professional advice tailored to your situation. So far as is permitted by law, Macmillan does not accept liability in relation to the use of any information contained in this publication or third party information or websites included or referred to in it.