Tiago Splitter

Things were looking oh so good for the Colonel’s original recipe heading into the season. I bought the whole bucket, the two sides and a giant big gulp of tea. But Larry Sanders could very well be one of fantasy’s biggest disappointments in 2013-14, for reasons on and off the court.

Sanders signed a 4-year deal in the offseason worth a cool $44 million bucks (worth, about, a million buckets of chicken!), and the Bucks regime had big plans for their center. GM John Hammond, while trying to keep his Jurassic Park island under control, said Sanders was the key to the team. Hammond, you lost your keys! Bucks are locked out… Then the season started with Sanders nearly fouling out in 12 minutes, and in three games hasn’t played more than 22 minutes, hit 2 FGs, or grabbed more than 4 boards. I was on the buy low bandwagon faster than a short sell in Trading Places. But after complaining about playing time, Sanders reportedly got into a bar fight Saturday night and effed up his thumb. Stop giving him roids, Braun, we don’t need more roid rage in Milwaukee! I wonder if he was getting hazed by Ersan Ilyasova like Richie Incognito. “You must play better, now!” yells Ersan in a thick Turkish accident. Hey, Ilyasova was a scratch last night too, Gus Ayonin’! Anyway, Sanders is accused of breaking champagne bottles over peoples’ heads, and to top if off he then missed Monday’s game because his wife went into labor. Sorry Larry Sanders Jr… I’m just sorry… Hopefully this version of The Larry Sanders Show ends anti-climatically with Sanders getting back on the court and giving fantasy owners something. If you’ve got him, you have to be holding and hoping Sanders can settle down and have this blow over, before he’s looking back at his life and he’s Robert Swift. Here’s what else went down last night in fantasy hoops:

Man, what a huge night it was across the NBA with nearly every team in action. It obviously all starts with the shocker Philly put on the Heat, and Michael Carter-Williams‘ unreal debut. I was following with my co-workers during the game and tweeted that if he got a triple-double in his first NBA game, the universe would implode. Thankfully MCW was a steal short and we’re all still here. His final line of 6-10 (4-6 3PTM 6-8 FT) 22 Pts 7 Rebs 12 Asts and 9 Stls might actually win some owners their matchups this week on its own. Just preposterous. Most steals in NBA history in a player’s debut. Ok before we all go nutso, remember the Heat played without Dwayne Wade (rest), don’t have a PG, and had all their hands weighed down with new championship rings. So that’s not really an excuse, but so what?! The shooting efficiency was fantastic (the biggest knock on him coming into the year), plus he had only one turnover (his second main knock). “Nice knockers!” Thanks Young Frankenstein! MCW indeed moves up a fair bit in value in my eyes, but this is likely his best line on the year. MCW was wildly inconsistent in college and I don’t expect much consistency on a terrible 76ers team (I know they just beat the Heat, but c’mon). Look for John Wall to lock him up on Friday and cool the hype. Despite inconsistencies, it goes without saying that MCW should be owned in all leagues now (78% Yahoo, 59.4% ESPN), so if for some reason he’s available in your league, you gotta get him. I’m not expecting MCW to be an elite player, but will continue to contribute even in down games. Here’s what else I saw across Fantasy Basketball last night:

So I assume you’re reading this because you made it into the playoffs. Or you’re a big Will Shakespeare fan, drawn in by my plagiarized title. If you’re looking for Willy Shakespeare, boy, have you stumbled into the wrong part of town, so turn about, post haste, and don’t look back, anon!

If you’ve made the playoffs, however, congratulations are in order, but as the title suggests, you have a long way to go, and things can go to poop in a split second. We need to make sure none of the players on your fantasy team don’t go pulling a Brutus on you, and stab you in the back in your moment of glory! There’s got to be a guy who has been underperforming on your roster, so let’s focus on whom to watch out for, shall we?

I wonder what the public opinion really is on Anonymous, the computer hacking collective… I like them, they expose top-level greed – a mix between Russell Crowe in Robin Hood and in The Insider. OK so he wasn’t a hacker in The Insider, but did the same type thing Anonymous does. Anonymous hacked Bank of America last month and found they were using worthless Social Media searches to profile activists and their salary information was on a server in Tel Aviv. Say what? I thought it was Bank of ‘Murica not Bank of Israel! Well the Orlando Magic knew they needed some hacking to try and beat the Lakers with Dwight Howard returning to Orlando last night. With the crowd booing Howard from the moment he stepped on the floor, the Magic tried some psychological warfare, fouling Dwight every opportunity and giving him 39 free throw attempts. Thirty-nine! I don’t think I’ve taken that many free throws ever. Now imagine 15,000 fans yelling at you every time. Dwight made 25 of em, capping a 39-16 and 3 block night in his return to O-Town. One of the best returns to a former team in NBA history, but the Magic just plain handed him 25 of those points. The Magic are terrible (minus Tobias Harris – read below) and the Lakers, while a soap opera, I think make the playoffs. A good career move for Dwight. Just hope he doesn’t store his salary on a server in Tel Aviv.

The man with a name that would drive King George VI off his throne in fits of anger, Thabo Sefolosha shot 7 of 11 from the field, including 5 of 7 from the perimeter, to accumulate 20 points, 3 rebounds, 3 assists, and 3 steals.

Kyle Korver was unstoppable Friday night, leading Atlanta to a huge 2OT win with 27 points, including 8 3-pointers made, 6 rebounds, 4 assists, 3 steals and 2 blocks. The Korv started his second game in a row in place of Anthony Morrow, and again he took advantage.

We saw a Greek tragedy unfolding, or should I say…dragedy, as Goran Dragic was stuck in a fall from grace. Last night saw some redemption as he scored 12 points to pair with 11 assists, plus a steal and a block.

Elton Brand played 33 minutes in the Mavs/Thunder OT thriller Friday night and scored 10 points with 13 rebounds, 1 assist, 1 block, and he has now double-doubled in back to back games. You’ve been Branded! EB is starting to get comfortable with his new sixth man role, and Friday’s game was his fourth in a row scoring in double-digits, including a sweet season high 20 point game last Sunday.

With John Wall‘s return, many out there in the fantasy world were worried that Bradley Beal would lose time. Well, come January, with Wall back on the Court, Beal is seeing both his highest minutes per game and his greatest points per game (11.2 in November, 13.4 in December, 18.8 in January).

The league is pretty stacked with quality Centers, but every so often, one has the need to scour the lower model machines to see if they can find value. Tiago Splitter had 3 blocks last night, but otherwise finished with a pedestrian 7 points, 3 boards and a steal.