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reviewed by Lippy Imp
on Fri 18 Nov 2005

I have bad news for dogs: they are no longer man’s best friend. This title now officially belongs to the Hitachi Magic Wand, a.k.a. “Cadillac of Vibrators”. While it is often thought of as a woman’s sex toy, I hereby declare the Magic Wand the best sex toy for men.

For the uninitiated, the Hitachi Magic Wand is an old-school electric wand vibrator, looks nothing like a penis, and is designed for external stimulation (though a variety of sold-separately accessories can change that in a hurry). And while you could certainly use it to massage other parts of your body, the Magic Wand is best known for its ability to please your own personal Netherlands.

Originally, I bought the Magic Wand for my girlfriend, and the results were otherworldly. But when she held its vibrating head against the underside of my cock, I had a bed-breaking orgasm in less than a minute. I came so hard that I gave myself an unintended facial (which may or may not be a selling point). Since then, I’ve used the Magic Wand every time I want a quick and powerful orgasm, and it has never let me down.

My girlfriend and I incorporate the Magic Wand into all forms of sex play. While she’s going down on me, she puts the head of the Magic Wand under her chin as I get closer to orgasm. This makes my orgasms so intense that they shake pictures in other people’s houses. Here’s another one: with the head of the Magic Wand held in the palm of your hand with your thumb, ring finger and pinky, insert the remaining fingers into the vagina and work the G-spot. Not only is the head of the vibrator up against her vulva, but now your fingers are also vibrating inside of her. (Note: If she tends to ejaculate, you might wanna plug the vibrator into a GFI outlet just in case. I don’t think there’s a danger of shock, but that would be an embarrassing story to tell to the ER attendants at the very least.) Girls, you can try a similar trick with your boy, placing the vibrating head against his tain’t (you know, tain’t the balls, tain’t the asshole, but that spot in between). It’s heaven.

The Magic Wand has two speeds: low and high. “Low” is plenty to get you off. “High” is powerful enough to reshuffle your DNA. The motor isn’t exactly quiet either, so be careful if you want your pleasure time to go unnoticed.

My only gripe about the Magic Wand is that the cord is a little short, maybe 4 or 5 feet long. More than once, it’s become unplugged at the wrong time. But that’s what extension cords are for, right?

Priced at $52, the Hitachi Magic Wand gives you more bang for your buck than any other sex toy on the market. And while it will never give you the unending love and companionship that a dog can offer, it’s cheaper than a visit to the vet and will never poop on your rug.