In their recent homestand, the Dodgers released into the wild an asexual costumed Dodger character to interact with fans. Behold the horror:

Most right-minded people would consider this abomination to be a mascot. But don’t you DARE call it a mascot. The Dodgers simply won’t have it. Via Steve Dilbeck of the LA Times:

“It’s not a mascot,” said Dodgers executive vice president of marketing Lon Rosen. “It’s a unique performance character.”

See, that’s what’s great about being a marketing wiz, you can just make stuff up. Rosen also called it a “bobblehead character,” so you can see he’s really trying hard.

This non-mascot mascot made its debut during the Dodgers’ first home series of the year last weekend against the Giants. Apparently, it – Rosen refuses to call it a he – mostly walked around waving and posing with fans for pictures.

Phew! That was close. The Dodgers were are one of the last three teams in the league to not have a mascot, the Yankees and the Angels are the other two. So this “performance character” supposedly doesn’t lump them in with that crowd. And no, the short-lived Rally Bear doesn’t count.

Sure, the “performance character” works for the team, wears a team uniform and engages with the team’s fans, but since he only does so in the concourse of Dodger Stadium, doesn’t have an official name (might I suggest Pedo-Dodger?) and doesn’t get too close to the field, he somehow doesn’t count as a mascot according to the Dodgers’ marketing geniuses.

But wait! There’s more! Literally, there are more of these “performance characters” waiting to be released from the holding pen. There will be three more, to be exact. That begs the question: how many performance characters do you have to have before they equal one full mascot?

About Garrett Wilson

Garrett Wilson is the founder and Supreme Overlord of Monkeywithahalo.com and editor at The Outside Corner. He's an Ivy League graduate, but not from one of the impressive ones. You shouldn't make him angry. You wouldn't like him when he is angry.