Messages - Clearlyseeengnow

All. I believe that I am at 100 plus days off all p&m. Sex with a real woman is going ok. I do have an open question to ask to all of you. My recovery was going quite well equipment was operating and felt closer than ever. I've noticed in the past 2 to 3 weeks it seems I'm flatlining again... Is this normal? I understand that this process is long process and not an exact science. I've also noticed the desire to p/ m has been getting stronger. I have not given in ! So... Can we flatline multiple times during a reboot? Also.... Does anyone know how to log in to re activate the pom counter?ThanksD

Mart, thanks for the info. I understand in my logical mind all you... Others ( and I ) have written or advised. It the times where the flying monkeys start to circle and cause distractions is what I need to get a handle on. I ( as you ) do not have any O's via manual manipulation. I just feelRight now it would ( for me ) be detrimental. I'm striving toward the goal that orgasams are not needed every time I have sex ( saving sexual energy ). Being brought up through the wonders of modern porn and the infamous "Money Shot" it's a hard track to erase. So I thank you once again for the advice. Knowledge is in fact power and you gave me a shot in the arm!

All,I hit 70 plus days.... No PMO! I feel better and closer to my wife as this whole ( continuing ) experience involves both of us. I have to say that the urges to pullout and pull up ( porn ) come mostly when I have down time and the house is empty. I continually make an active, informed and right decision to keep true to my promise to myself, my wife and in a way to the public affirmation I've written here. My problem isn't so much steering away from PMO but moreso has to do with my return to sexual normalcy ( well in reality since I had used porn since my midteens returning is a stretch ). It seems I am riding a roller coaster right now. I will get spurious erections for a while then poof! Nothing! I'll have sexual desire for real women ( wife) and at other times I could care less. I fully understand that this experience is different for each person. The whole flatline ... Erection thing. I do get discouraged thinking that I'm doing well then bam! When making love I will last a while then it goes away ( it is actually better then before). I'm still on cialias as doctor prescribed sometimes however erections subside which adds to anxiety and starts that whole dysfunction dance going. I suppose what I need is some feedback from the members as to how they have been handling their own reboots and if I need to relax and ride this out and heal in time as time heals me. Thanks for reading

Thanks to all for the replies/advice it's all well received and appreciated. At this point in my journey the old feelings are coming around. Erections for no reason somewhat like in puberty but now I no longer feel nervous that someone will see and embarrassment will follow. It is just a natural thing and after the past 5 or 6 years just having one without needing an influx of pixelated images... It's pretty awesome. Still I am concerned over things that hit me once and a while perhaps I can ( once again ) get the input of the reboot nation. I understand that porn for me is done as it is just a one way ticket to disaster. Fantasy is my question... Not as a M / O stimulus but rather fantasies with my partner. I feel gun shy. I mean if we both are ok talking them out is that on the okie dokie list? Please let me know your thoughts.,this is a great resource and I'm glad to be a part of itD

It's been 44 days and last night I was with my wife. Although at the start I was a bit apprehensive I just relaxed and stayed present. It was an amazing eye opener... I didn't fade (ed wise) and was slower and more connected. It was almost like it was the first time I ever had sex without my own ridiculous expectations or living up to a porn inspired ideal. I will be honest that my resolve has been strengthened 10 fold to remain rooted in sexual reality. I know I'm still in recovery and have to treat each and every day as a unique challenge to overcome. I will end by saying it is so worth it... Ending the stranglehold on my sexuality I developed as a teen... Is freeing and cleansing!

I'm in the beginning of my re boot. It's been just about a month and a half free of all PMO. I've read many accounts from others on the same journey as I am. I've yet to relapse though there has been considerable desire to just to make sure I'm still in working. I've said no over and over keeping true to my desire to become "real" probably for the first time in my life ( I'm 53 ). I have full support of my wife in this endeavor and feel blessed . I suppose my question at this time is how long the process lasts. I've lost all arousal ( physically ) and it shakes me up a bit. Any pointers? Thanks.D