Mara, that’s exactly the deal with me. I’m not stable enough to be the fan of a 90 loss baseball team. I need the happiness. This was the first time in memory when I’ve had the complete leisure to watch/listen to a Braves game and did something else. I tuned into the Rays game. We lost. It didn’t mean that much to me, so I guess Steve has it right with “cuz I just don’t give a sh*t about the Rays.” But maybe that’s honestly what I need.

I’m gonna stick it out, just… to do it. It might not be a passion (I don’t know, it might be, I did get very excited during the one part of the Rays game I was genuinely interested in and had some knowledge of – hearing Maddon’s pre and post game comments, refreshing would be too small a word)… it might not develop into a passion but the truth is I need the release from the mindbusting frustration of being the fan of an inept ballclub more than I need the thrill of following a team that plays well. I’ll take both if I can get it, of course. But I doubt that thrill will be available to me as a first year Rays fan. You can’t replace the years invested, it’s true. But, like I said, I’m sticking with it. Damn the torpedos. Full speed ahead.

p.s. I’ll feel less like a frontrunner soon enough. I had a look at the Rays April schedule. You think the Phils had it easy? The Rays played one good team. One. And the lost that series. At home.

Alright, I’ll knock off/ severely limit Rays talk now. I’m sure first time podcast listeners visiting the comments are like “what the?” Not a great way to follow the show where Steve invites in-game chat.

“We lost.” Owwwwwiiiiiiieeeee! You do what you gotta do. I figured you were doing something different today than watching the Bravos. It actually was a good game, besides, ya know, all the no hitting by players that should definitely hit. Bobby put in lefties to face Ryan Howard…TWICE! Medlen was stellar and you could tell the bullpen felt like they were one unit. Didn’t matter which pitcher was on the mound they were part of something going right for this team and they were proud.

Ok…I promise I’m gonna let this go. I’m sure everyone’s sick of me hounding you however, I just have to say you should watch the top of the 6th inning as well as the bottom of the 8th and the bottom of the 9th. Some good small ball in the top of the 9th as well but it’s just depressing how shocked we all are when Glaus get’s a hit. The bottom of the 7th was difficult and nerve wracking but noteworthy. There could have been a huge momentum shift. We had just left two guys on base and Moylan threw 8 consecutive balls. Enter stage left, B Mac. he calms down Moylan who then gets the out and as Ryan Howard steps up to the plate, the crowd goes wild, Venters jogs across the outfield. Ryan hits a pop up fly. That could have gone many different ways of bad but it didn’t. My point in all that blabber iiiiiiiiiis…had the Braves lost today? I would rather see all those good things amidst the Glaus leaving 9 on base and Chip reaching through errors and walks than watching a team win I care nothing about. Wagner is retiring. He’s a legend and we get to watch him close out ballgames that OUR team is winning!

I won’t be selfish and lay on a huge guilt trip. Your mental health is more important than that. I’m just saying I’d rather hurt from a loss than not feel much at all over a win.

I’m sorry. I’ve been down that road too many times. The nature of baseball dictates that even an awful team will win some games. And the Braves are an awful team. And it isn’t necessary for them to be this awful. That’s a fact I just can’t get around. I’m not wasting my time on a team that is unnecessarily terrible.

Since the day before the first Moyer game, I’ve been screaming at them to develop an approach to Moyer. But they won’t. How can I stand behind a team that is blatantly lazy in their game? From today’s INSIDER, a small piece called “Why They Won,” that picks out a few pitchers and explains their win in a nutshell:

“- The off-speed was effective because the Braves chased 47 percent of pitches (MLB Avg. 31 percent). Moyer also threw a strike on 70 percent of off-speed pitches thrown.

– When Moyer got behind, he still got outs. Braves hitters were 0-8 when ahead in the count. Opposing hitters were hitting .458 coming into Friday against Moyer when ahead.”

That’s a writer with absolutely no motivation to disparge Jamie’s performance, basically saying, without trying to sound obvious, that the BRAVES were behind Jamie’s peformance more than Jamie was.

The only team Moyer faced twice all year, and yet the only team so backwards, so inept, so unprepared mentally that they can’t get three hits off him in 9 innings. Up there trying to hit that 80MPH garbage like it’s a regular pitcher. Like they’ve never heard of him before, much less seen him.

And today’s box score tells me plenty even in one glance. Glaus still leaving gobs of men on the bases, and still sitting right there at #5 where he can soak up the most baserunners on the whole team. I’m sorry, I’m just not into it. I’m done. I feel bad about it, but not bad enough to keep torturing myself the way I did last year. I remember it so well, winning a game or two and believing this is the start of so and so and such and such if only they’ll start yadda yadda yadda.

They’re not going to start anything. No team that can show me this against Jamie Moyer twice in a couple of weeks is suddenly going to turn into a disciplined, focused team with a smart game plan and solid fundamentals because they caught a lift from Medlen and the luck of baseball. They’re awful. And it isn’t necessary. They don’t have the horses to be great, but look at these averages compared with their careers. They just aren’t prepared for good baseball. They blew it. The leadership from Bobby is terrible, and there aren’t enough McCann’s and Diaz’s and Prados to overcome the Chippers, Escobars, and Glauses. Go back to Glaus’s face in the tunnel the night he hit the big homer against Philly. That’s your power hitter. Your first baseman. Loaf 2.0, a mercenary who hates it here. Not unlike your most expensive pitcher, Lowe. Not unlike your pouting icon who’s calling out players again in half-veiled snarks. What a mess. Can’t do it.

And now I’m really done. I can’t imagine how obnoxious it is to read my crap, and I’d be saying, “okay already, go root for your new team and quite griping about your old one.” Sorry, breaking up is hard to do. I loved this freaking team and I’m sincerely hurt at them over what I got in return for my passions.

So I’m on my way home listening to the game and I hear Infante getting thrown out at home plate, KK pitching as expected, ChUtley scoring on a shallow fly ball and I can’t wait to get home so I can watch. Certifiable, in need of therapy and meds. Can’t be helped. I’ve tried and cannot reach apathy.