What,
you ask, was the
beginning of it all? And it is this... Existence that
multiplied itself for
sheer delight of being and plunged into numberless trillions of forms
so that
it might find itself
innumerably
- Sri Aurobindo

Abandonment
(thought, attitude, emotion, behaviour)Overwhelming
desire to run away from a difficult situation, and can become a
habitual response to issues that trigger us (also called "running
away"). Abandonment can take many forms:

Withholding communication to
punish others ("You don't deserve me")

Escaping a situation via the
use of a chemical substance (food, drugs or alcohol)

Doing things that exclude
others (listening to loud music, playing/working on computer, watching
television or movies)

Abruptly hanging up the
telephone on someone with whom we have just had a disagreement or
abruptly turning one’s back or leaving the room during a conversation

Wishing that a disagreeable
neighbour would just move away

Refusing to have further
dealings of any sort with someone after they have done something that
meets with our displeasure (can come from resentment or from a need for
revenge)

Having a death wish for
anyone with whom emotional difficulties are encountered on a somewhat
regular basis (spouse, child, employer, teacher, colleague, etc.)

Threatening (or committing)
suicide. In the case of suicide (or any other negative behaviour), it
is important to remember that only we are responsible for our
behaviours, and we always have the ability to choose. Suicide threats
can be the ultimate temper tantrum

Physical
effects of the pattern: Addictions, obsessive/compulsive
disorder, heel spurs, hip and knee problems, heart diseaseHow to change the pattern:
Instead of running away, speak. Say what's on your mind. Even if you
think the other person doesn't want to hear it or doesn't care what you
think, say it!

Reverse
abandonment People with a fear of abandonment often tend
to treat others poorly to remain in control of a relationship ("I'll
make you leave me so that I'm not surprised when you leave me"), or by
seeming to have a nasty disposition ("If I'm mean enough, nobody will
want to have anything to do with me. Then there'll be no danger of
anyone leaving me").How to change the pattern:
Know that we create our own reality. Expectation equals result. Fear
brings about that which is feared.

AbsenteeismInability or unwillingness to "be
there" for work, school, home, family, or any responsibility. See also abandonment

Anger(emotion) Strong feeling of
displeasure or hostility. Anger cannot be dealt with and released if it
is repressed or suppressed, and
it can then become resentment.
People can use the threat of an angry outburst to control and
manipulate others. If we allow our fear of
someone's angry outburst to prevent us from speaking Truth, we might be
blaming him
or her for our own behaviour. e.g.: Why can't you ever...? Why do you
always...? When is it going to be my turn? How could you do this to me?
Of course, anger can also be used to bring about positive changes. This
website exists because of my own frustration at having no practical
spiritual resources available (sorry, but religion didn't help me AT
ALL)Physical effects of the pattern:
Habitually carrying anger can create heartburn/indigestion, liver
problems, depression,
migraine headaches, skin disorders, heart
disease and stroke to, ultimately, a general systems failure. The
physical results do not manifest in the one we’re angry with; rather,
they appear in one’s own bodyHow to change the pattern:
Ask questions instead of assuming that you already know.

Anxiety
(emotion) Intense feelings of dread, uneasiness or apprehension that
arise for no apparent reason. The feelings can become so overwhelming
that panic sets in. These feelings are a reflection of unrecognized fears
within that have been allowed to run amok.) Like addictions,
anxiety can be a learned behaviour. Finding the spiritual root cause
can bring true inner peace. e.g.: Gasp! What if...?Physical effects of the pattern:
The physical results of long-term anxiety can be heart/lung and skin disorders, as
well as the appearance of being nervous - shaky hands, repetitive
scratching, inability to concentrate or focus on the matter at hand,
sudden, jerky movementsHow to change the pattern:
Know that we create our own reality. Expectation equals result. Fear
brings about that which is feared. Focus on the open road instead of
the fence running beside it.

Arrogance
(attitude) An attitude that places oneself above (or below) all others,
and a tendency to announce this superiority (or inferiority!) to
others. Arrogant people tend to believe that rules and laws apply to
everyone else but them. Arrogance is a lack of respect for
other people, their possessions and their boundaries, and a lack of
consideration for their needs and feelings. Arrogance can be seen in
bullies, who tend to be loud, aggressive and/or controlling. Arrogant
people seem to feel justified in whatever they are doing, yet make no
attempt to understand or excuse anyone else's behaviour. They seem to
think the world owes them a debt, and/or that meeting their needs (or
those of their children/pets) should be everybody's top priority.
Arrogance can come from low self-esteem or from over self-confidence
(see bi-polar
disorder). Arrogant people tend to
disobey traffic laws by habitually speeding (or refusing to keep up
with the speed limit), parking illegally or even driving drunk. They
are very often late for appointments and scheduled events such as
flight departures or movies. They often claim forgetfulness when
failing to honour commitments. See
also passive/aggressive.
e.g.: It's ok if I break the law. It's ok if I
cheat. It's ok if I hold onto anger and resentment and
seek revengePhysical effects of the pattern:
Arrogance can manifest in physical in the heart, the digestive
system, the face and nose and
even the feetHow to change the pattern:Meditate to
learn who we're really trying to hurt

Avoidance The
pattern of wanting to postpone, indefinitely, that which needs to be
done. Avoidance of the responsibilities of daily life is only one part
of this pattern. When working with the Universal Intelligence to
resolve inner conflicts, the desire to not look will be honoured unless
we state to our guide that even though there may be fear, our
true desire is to deal with the past and look for full understanding and
Universal Truth. We can want to avoid forgiving those
who have harmed us. We often avoid answering difficult questions.
Wanting to avoid feeling discomfort of any sort can result in an
extreme fear of anything beyond our realm of control. Avoidance of
making decisions can result in clutter and "pack-rat-ism". Avoidance
and denial work
together. The term, "productive procrastination" has been coined to
show that we can fool ourselves into thinking that we are so busy being
productive that we cannot possibly find the time to do the thing that
we know needs to be done, or the thing that we have promised we will
do. e.g.: I can't meet my commitment because my spouse, children, pet,
boss... I'll just do this one thing and then
I'll... See also procrastinationPhysical effects of the pattern:
Long-term avoidance can result in sensory problems or failure (hearing, seeing, memory,
etc.). Sometimes we can want so badly to avoid doing something that we
can wish we were sick so that we can escape our duties without blame.
The long-term result of such a wish can be chronic ailments, or even hypochondria. Can
also create co-dependency between the one avoiding and the one naggingHow to change the pattern:Meditate to
learn what we're trying to create by avoiding doing something

Blame
(attitude, emotion) Placing responsibility for our misfortune or for
our own negative behaviours on someone or something else, be it another
human, God, "Satan", negative energies, genetics, the environment,
anything or anyone but self. The blame pattern prevents us from looking
for the Truth about
our part in our own misfortune.
Blame is often an ingredient in denial. See
also victim.
e.g.: You made me fail. You made me hurt you. It's all your fault. It's
all their faultPhysical effects of the pattern:
Habitual blame can create anemia, arthritis, eye
problems, heartburn
and/or indigestion, high
blood pressure, kidney
disorders, post-nasal
drip, poor posture, thyroid
problems, tooth
decayHow to change the pattern:Meditate to
learn whose approval we're trying to gain by not taking responsibility
for our words/actions

Child
Abuse Depriving a child of any of the basic necessities
of life or withholding them as a punishment: love, approval, attention,
affection, emotional support, physical food, privacy, sleep. Inflicting
physical or emotional pain on a child, whether as punishment for a
“wrong-doing” or as a means of teaching discipline, is seen as child
abuse. The abuse can be obvious, as when a child is physically beaten,
but it can also be subtle, leaving no visible scars, as with verbal or
emotional abuse. It is the caregiver's responsibility to find ways to
teach the child without being abusive. Child abuse and neglect are seen
as a failure of the caregivers to provide both physical nurturing and
emotional support for those who have been placed in their care. Child
abuse can occur when the caregiver treats a child in a negative way in
order to win the approval of an authority figure (whether it is a
person or a thing). Some victims of
child abuse never recover and develop addictions or
turn to crime, never finding peacePhysical effects of the pattern:
If you were the victim of child abuse, effects can range from chronic
pain (spiritual and/or physical) that requires constant "medication" to
all sorts of physical illnessesHow to change the pattern:Meditate to
learn that the statement "Once a victim, always a victim" is no longer
true. If we can confront the truth that we are not responsible for how
our caregivers raised us, we can begin to see ourselves as children of
God instead of our caregivers' children

Co-dependent
relationship There is a fine line between being
supportive of someone and being in a co-dependent relationship with him
or her. Almost any human relationship can become co-dependent (spouses,
parents, siblings, children, friends, co-workers, etc.). It stops being
supportive when it starts preventing independent thought and action.
Shows a lack of trust either for self or the other personPhysical effects of the pattern:
Co-dependent relationships can create an inability to be out of
communication with the other party; inability to make independent
decisions; inability to make appointments independently; inability to
fend for oneself; compulsive need
to share everything (information, clothing, food, experiences...);
extreme distress at
the thought of ever losing the other person (fear of abandonment) ;
belief that this person is one's soul mateHow to change the pattern:Meditate to
learn that we were created as a complete soul

Compassion
(attitude, emotion) Feeling deep concern; caring for another in their
time of need, without any desire to control them
or to change their circumstances in any way. Compassion allows others
the dignity to work through difficult experiences in their own way, in
their own time, offering assistance only when invited. Uninvited
assistance can be a form of control

Condemnation
(thought) Declaring a punishment for someone who has been found guilty of
something. Condemnation indicates that judgment and criticism have
already taken place. See also revenge. Some
condemnation phrases: You're not as good as me, so you deserve to
suffer. You made a mistake, so you can never again be trusted. What a
stupid idiot! Rolling one's eyes can indicate that condemnation has
just taken placePhysical effects of the pattern:
Long-term condemnation can result in any form of arthritis, multiple
sclerosis and other neuro-musculo-skeletal disordersHow to change the pattern:Meditate to
learn where the belief in one's superiority began and see that the
belief is inaccurate and incorrect

Contempt
(attitude) Tendency to consider everyone (sometimes including self)
unworthy of respect, patience, tolerance or compassion. This
attitude can prevent us from ever finding peace or contentment in our
lives. Shows that judgment and criticism have
taken place
Physical effects of the pattern: Often occurs along with
arrogance and condemnation, so
can have similar physical effectsHow to change the pattern:Meditate to
learn where the belief in one's superiority began and see that the
belief is inaccurate and incorrect

Control
(thought, attitude) Exercising one’s will over another, no matter how
pure or impure the intention or the motivation. Forcing our help upon
another when it has not been invited is control. It is control to
insinuate that someone needs to do something we want them to do without
asking them outright. Asking God for favours for someone else is
control - after all – they might not want or need what we think they
want or need, even including healing (some people want
to be sick - for them, their illness meets some need). In a
disagreement with a loved one, bringing up the past can be a means of
gaining control of the situation (see memory).
Adoptive parents can, perhaps unintentionally, use guilt trips
as a means of gaining or maintaining control over their charges (no
matter their age). For example, "If it weren't for us, you'd be an
orphan." It is control to assume that we know what another person is
thinking. It is also control to pretend that we know everything.
Practical jokes are a form of control. (It's just not funny to ridicule
someone for not knowing what we know.) It's control to try to steal
someone's attention, no matter the motive. (Obsessive/compulsive
behaviours are often done to get control of someone's attention.)
Before telling someone else what to do, think of how it feels when
someone tells you what to do. Control phrases:
Let me do it. You should... Call me when you get home so I don't have
to worry. We
are allowing ourselves to be controlled when we do what another person
has told us to do (see blame and victim)
Physical effects of the pattern: Nerve damage, high cholesterolHow to change the pattern:Meditate to
learn the source of one's desire/need to be in charge

Criticism
(thought, attitude) Giving an unkind comment, whether spoken aloud or
not, whether invited or not. The Universal Intelligence hears our every
thought! Criticism can be an offshoot of low self-esteem and/or the
pattern of perfectionism.
Typical critical behaviours: always looking to catch someone in an
error, always trying to change what someone else has done rather than
creating something new, always wanting others to do things the same way
as we might
Physical effects of the pattern:Skin
disorders, joint problems and immune system deteriorationHow to change the pattern:Meditate to
learn the source of one's need to make others feel inferior

Dawdling
(behaviour) Form of passive/aggressive
manipulation You ask someone to do something and then wait as they find
a multitude of other things that ‘have’ to be done first. You know they
don’t really need to be done and you know that the person is trying to
anger you. Or they pretend not to have understood your request and ask
all sorts of questions designed to delay doing what you've asked. And
then, the instant your patience dissolves, there they are ready to do
what you've asked and looking all innocent! Of course the pattern can
be changed, but both parties will need to communicate honestly. See
also avoidance, victim
Physical effects of the pattern: Low blood pressure,
hormone imbalancesHow to change the pattern:Meditate to
learn the source of one's need to make others angry

Denial
(thought) Being unable or unwilling to face the Truth about oneself,
one's prior actions or one’s painful experiences, thoughts, attitudes
or emotions. Denial and avoidance go
hand-in-hand, for they both create an inability to search for full understanding and
Universal Truth. Denial can
prevent acceptance of responsibility for oneself, thereby creating the
need to blame
misfortune on someone or something else. See also victim.
e.g.: You're wrong. No. I would never do such a thing
Physical effects of the pattern:Addictions, back
problems, confusion and memory
lapses (ultimately dementia or even Alzheimer's),
vision and/or hearing problems, chronic constipationHow to change the pattern:Meditate to
learn the source of one's need to make others feel that our motives are
beyond reproach

Distress
(emotion) Severe discomfort, be it physical, emotional or spiritual,
coupled with a feeling that something needs to be done, but not knowing
what it is or how to do it. This can be a constant feeling that
something awful is going to happen. Long-term distress can become anxiety.
e.g.: I just know something dreadful is going to happen
Physical effects of the pattern: Can manifest as digestive, skin or sleep
disorders, nervous behaviour and inability to concentrateHow to change the pattern:Meditate to
learn the source of one's fears

Distrust
(attitude, emotion) Lack of faith or confidence, in self, in others, in
God. There is a fine balance to be struck between trust and distrust of
other people. Too much trust in the goodwill of others can lead to
disappointment and disillusionment. Sometimes we can even place
ourselves in potentially harmful situations when we rely on the
goodness of others. Chronic distrust can isolate us and prevent us from
learning to work together toward a common goal and can lead to feelings
of persecution. Distrust can come from a blanket condemnation of
humanity. e.g.: "I just know I'll be the one to get hurt,"
"Everyone is out for number one," or, as with paranoia, "Everyone is
out to get me." See also trust, victim
Physical effects of the pattern: Can result in
unsatisfying relationships, severe allergies, prejudice and/or hatredHow to change the pattern:Meditate to
learn the source of one's need to live in fear and
isolation

Double
standard (attitude) Those in authority (parents,
teachers, religious leaders, government officials) very often expect
everyone else to abide by a strict moral code (that they claim to
follow), but fail miserably to meet it themselves. How can others learn
how to meet it, and why would they even bother to try, if those in
authority don't bother? Often the reverse is true - people expect those
in authority to set an example but fail to do so themselves. See also self-righteousness
Physical effects of the pattern: Can result in
unsatisfying relationships, severe allergies, prejudice and/or hatredHow to change the pattern:Meditate to
learn that we are each responsible only for ourselves

Ego
(thought, attitude) Feeling that it's "always about me". Feeling that,
“If I don’t do it, it won’t get done, or it won’t get done correctly”.
Can be excessive thoughts of pride or self-congratulation. Can become self-importance or
even perfectionism. Can
be excessive statement making coupled with a shortage of question
asking. e.g.: I'm so good. Everybody needs me - I'm indispensable. I
know what's best. Or: I'm so bad. Nobody wants me or cares about me.
I'm useless and I'll never amount to anything
Physical effects of the pattern: Lack of meaningful
relationships, bi-polar
disorder, How to change the pattern:Meditate to
learn balance

Embarrassment
(emotion) Uncomfortable feeling that someone has caught you doing
something wrong. e.g.: I hurt someone and they'll never forgive me, so
I can never forgive myself. I made a mistake and you caught me. See
also shame
Physical effects of the pattern:Skin problems like acne,
rosacia, rashHow to change the pattern:
Do forgiveness
exercise

Envy
(emotion) Feeling of unhappiness or discontent that comes because of
something someone else has that you have not, and that you think you
would like to have, be it friends, material possessions or personal
attributes. Can easily become resentment. Envy
can be felt when someone "steals the limelight", and envy can make us
want to steal the limelight from others. e.g.: I wish I had your...
Physical effects of the pattern:Liver diseases, pancreatic cancer, digestive disordersHow to change the pattern:Meditate to
learn how to love
oneself unconditionally

Faith
(attitude) A deep sense of knowing that we are, each of us, loved and
accompanied by God through life. A lack of faith can create feelings of
fear and
dread

Fear(emotion) Intense feeling that
something bad is going to happen. Can become anxiety or dread. If
we allow our fears to immobilize us, we will not be able to walk our
life's path with faith, trust and joy. Fear
is often used as an excuse for not looking at our inner conflicts, for
example, "I'm afraid that if I start crying, I'll never stop." Fear of
God's wrath is pervasive in society and we often go to extremes to
avoid it by constantly performing rituals or avoiding doing certain
things. See also obsessive/compulsive
behaviours, gratitude, prayer.
e.g.: Gasp! I could never... Gasp! What if God...Physical effects of the pattern:
Obsessive/compulsive behaviours, chronic lower back pain
and/or sciaticaHow to change the pattern:
Know that we create our own reality. Expectation equals result. Fear
brings about that which is fearedFear of
abandonment (emotion) Feeling that one will be, or has
been, left alone and unsupported as a punishment for causing someone’s
displeasure. This fear can create a need to be dishonest about what we
think and feel, and can make it very difficult to form lasting
relationships with others, ourselves or God. Making ourselves
indispensable to someone can show a fear of abandonment: You need me,
so you can't leave me or fire me. e.g.: If you leave me, I'll die.
Spiritual results can be always threatening abandonment at the first
sign of trouble: I quit, I give up, Do it yourself, etc.Fear of change
(emotion) Feeling that if everything doesn't stay just exactly as is,
one will be at risk. This fear can create a need to avoid
working on self. The fear says, "If I change my behaviour, everyone
will stop liking me" - or "I'll get fired" - or "My spouse will leave (abandon) me"
- or "My children will fail to prosper" - "and it'll be my own fault."
It is important to remember that we don't make anyone do anything -
they choose their actions, just as we choose ours. We
are more likely to allow change if we have chosen it for ourselves,
because then we remain in control.Fear of
commitment (emotion) Feeling that if I live up to a
commitment, you'll think I'm weak. This fear can cause one to seem arrogant. Very
often, people with this fear will agree to a commitment and then
promptly fail to show up, yet they can show up so long as no one is
expecting them or relying on them. See distrust and passive/aggressive

Fear
of confrontation (emotion) This fear prevents us from
speaking out when we feel we have been treated unjustly. It stems from
a fear
of abandonment, and also from a fear of
losing someone's approval. There is often a fear that the other person
will explode (or implode) in anger and
the consequences will be unbearable. The threat of an angry outburst is
often used as a form of control, and
the fear of an angry outburst is often used as an excuse for not
standing up for ourselves or for those who are in our care

Fear
of contamination and/or disease (thought, emotion)
Terror at the thought of coming into contact with things that might
create some disease; for example, germs, insects, animals, other
people, sunshine, microwave ovens, cell phones - the list is seemingly
endless. Belief that we are victims of
the environment. Belief that self is "bad" and will be punished with
disease. Disease is not a punishment - it is a natural consequence of
negative thoughts, attitudes and emotions. Living with this fear can
create obsessive worrying and anxiety that
prevent one from finding joy in
life. It can even become a disease, as with allergies. Albeit
unwittingly, young children can develop allergies to mimic a
caregiver’s fear(s), or to reflect spiritual imbalances within the
family. See also blame

Fear
of death and dying (emotion) Without faith that we will
return to God when we die, we can live with suppressed dread. A belief
in "Hell" can create a deep terror of the afterlife. Coupled with our
fear of the pain and discomfort that can often be present when one is
very ill or close to death, we can live in a state of avoidance of
life, rather than acceptance of all that life has to offer. Believing
that someone who harmed you will be sent to Hell is a form of control (see
also revenge),
because in effect, it requires God to condemn
someone

Fear
of failure or of success (emotion) Can create immobility
and keep us stuck. When one lives with such a fear, it is often judged
by humans as being laziness or a lack of ambition. However, your guide
knows the Universal Truth and can show you where this pattern
originated, and how to change it. The fear of failure can create
workaholic - ism. The fear of success can create an inability to see
any project through to completion. Do you believe that if you fulfill
your life's purpose, God will remove you from Planet Earth? Such a
belief could prevent you from accomplishing anything much in this
lifetime

Fear of intimacy
(emotion) This can be a fear of having an intimate or sexual
relationship with another, but it can also be a fear of verbally
expressing oneself fully. Can come from feelings of shame or embarrassment over
one's physical appearance or one's innermost thoughts, which can stem
from a fear
of abandonment. Can manifest in physical as
mouth, teeth and
gum problems

Fear of invasion
(emotion) Extreme concern about someone with harmful motives entering
one's space without permission. In its extreme, can be the belief that
everyone has the intention to find you, find out everything about you
and then use the information to harm you. Can be the belief that
everyone is greedy and
malicious. Can also be the fear that one's body will be invaded by
injury, illness and disease. Can also be the fear that UFO's are real
and are malicious. See also self-importance. Can
manifest in physical as back
and/or knee
problems

Fear
of negative energies (thought, attitude, emotion)
Extreme concern that if one fails to live up to religious expectations,
one risks being harmed by energies over which one has no control,
for example, the devil or
his minions. Can manifest in physical as
severe allergies, accident proneness,
constant negative life experiences that make one feel like a victim

Fear of
retribution (thought, emotion) Chronic concern that
one's thoughts or actions will bring harm to one and all. Can begin in
childhood when one feels invisible and sees a consistent lack of fair
and equitable treatment, e.g., one parent (or sibling) unfairly
receives more perks and benefits or attention than another. Can be the
belief that God punishes or rewards us in the here and now. Can be the
belief that self is not worthy of "the good things in life". Can become
a chronic concern that if one doesn't do everything just right (see perfectionism), or
if one has a moment of happiness, something terrible will happen to
self or a loved one. See also obsessive/compulsive
behaviours

Fear
of telling the truth (thought) Terror at the thought of
exposing one’s true self. Often occurs when one’s early caregivers
withheld their approval (see also chronic lying)

Fear of the
unknown (emotion) Without faith that we are children of
God, our path can be filled with constant doubt, even distrust,
sometimes panic, of anything we have not yet experienced. If we live
with fear, we may be presented with many unpleasant experiences

Finally
(attitude) This is a word of blame (condemnation),
whether directed toward self, another human, events or God. e.g.:
You're finally doing what I told you to do

Forbearance
(attitude) The ability to remain true to one's commitments no matter
what others are saying or doing

Forgiveness
(thought, attitude) This is a gift we give ourselves so that we can
leave the past in the past. Like resentment,
forgiveness is a behavioural pattern. Forgiveness means not
resenting those who have angered us or
failed us in some way. We can do this by communicating
(whether in person or even just on paper), our feelings of anger or
disappointment to the concerned individual(s). This can
validate our emotions, thereby enabling us to release the person and
the experience. It is often easier to forgive when we
understand fully why something has happened, or why someone has done
something, but it is not necessarily required. Forgiving others does
not mean allowing abusive or negative behaviour. It is not a bargaining
chip. Forgiving someone does not necessarily mean that we can trust
that individual to change his or her behaviour. Forgiveness is a gift
we give to ourselves to allow ourselves to grow spiritually and
emotionally and to allow our wounds to heal - spiritually, emotionally
and physically. Just as important as forgiving others is the need to
forgive ourselves (see guilt). The
Universal Intelligence forgives each and every one of us
instantaneously, for since there is no such thing as sin, there can be
nothing to forgive. The Universal Intelligence sees all human
experience as "education". Do forgiveness
exercise

Free
Will Spiritual law that gives us the ability to choose,
but that also ensures that we will experience the outcomes of our
choices
We can choose our beliefs and we can choose our attitude toward life.
Click here for
more information

Gossip
(thought, attitude) Sharing your judgment, criticism and condemnation
of someone who has offended you in order to negatively affect other
people's opinions of that individual. This is a form of control
because the intention is to make someone else think and feel the same
as you. We participate in gossip when we watch, listen to or even read
negative stories about others. See also judgment, criticism, condemnation, perfectionism, self-righteousnessPhysical effects of the pattern:Teeth
and mouth problems, chronic upper-respiratory
issues, lots of chokingHow to change the pattern:Meditate to
learn the reasons for one's low self-esteem

Grace
(attitude) Tendency to be generous, helpful and forgiving toward self
and others (does not mean allowing abusive behaviour). The Universal
Intelligence holds humanity in a state of grace, that is, unconditional love.
Communication is never withheld as a punishment for wrongdoing

Gratitude
(attitude) Accepting that each experience in life is given as a
learning opportunity, and never as a reward or punishment from God. If
too much emphasis is placed on always thanking God for every little
thing, it begins to sound as if we're trying to prove to something. The
Universal Intelligence knows how we feel before we even think it, so
God doesn't mind if we miss an opportunity to say thank you. Saying
grace before a meal is a fine practice, but if it's used as a
protection against the wrath of God, then gratitude is not the real
motive. Fear is
the real motive and God knows it. See prayer

Greed
(attitude) A need to have more than one can possibly use. Unwilling to
share your belongings but expecting that others should share theirs.
Greed prevents us from releasing a gift once it has been given. Have
you ever received a gift, and then the giver of the gift tried to tell
you how to use that gift? Have you ever received a gift along with a
guilt trip? For example, "Here's your gift, and this is what I had to
sacrifice in order to get it for you." A gift presented with greed is
not a gift - it is an exchange with which the recipient of the "gift"
has not knowingly agreed. Have you ever received a partial gift; for
example, an incomplete set? Greed prevents the giver from releasing the
whole set. Greed is also a need to have something in order to prevent
someone else from having it: "I don't want it, but you can't have it."
Greed is a need to selfishly protect one’s possessions, be they
material items, relationships or even simply knowledge. The pattern of
greed often creates in us a need for others to be generous with their
possessions, and it is easy to judge, criticize and condemn them
when they fail - it is easy to see their greed.
It is somewhat more difficult to recognize it in self. Greed is also
present when a person seemingly demands our approval of them, yet
selfishly withholds their approval of us. Examples: I promised to give
you (whatever), and I know you really want it, so I'm not going to give
it to you until I feel like it (maybe I'll even just keep on "forgetting" my
promise!). I'll just hang onto this in case I ever need it. I'll keep
the best part of this set, but you can have the rest. I don't want it,
but you can't have it. I need... With pet hoarding,
the thought might be, "Nobody else will care for this poor homeless
animal but me." In this case, it is as if the human is expressing an
unresolved inner child issue - that of having received too little or
too much attention from his/her caregiver(s), of having been abandoned
by his/her caregiver(s), or of having been forced into accepting too
much responsibility at an early agePhysical effects of the pattern:Eating
disorders, bulging eyes, a
cluttered lifestyle (pack
rat) and, in an extreme form, hoardingHow to change the pattern:Meditate to
learn the reasons for feeling ignored or neglected

Grief
(emotion) Deep sadness over what one feels to be an undeserved loss. In
the loss of a loved one, along with the sadness are often unrecognized
thoughts and feelings of great fear and anger,
which can come for many reasons. Sometimes we are angry over the loss
of the dreams that we held for the individual, as with young children.
Other times we are angry with God because it appears as though he has
punished both the innocent child and us by taking him or her away from
us. The loss of a life partner can create anger and resentment
toward both God and the loved one, because change has been forced into
our lives (feelings of fear and dread are
often present when change is forced upon us). Unresolved inner
child issues can still be released even if the offender has
passed away, but extra work is required to ensure that full
understanding is gained and that forgiveness takes placePhysical effects of the pattern:Osteoporosis, diabetesHow to change the pattern:
Do forgiveness
exercise

Guide/Angel/Teacher
Divine representative who accompanies us throughout our life's voyages
and is often referred to as our inner voice. The guides are subject to
different spiritual
laws
than us, and do not come into human form. They are not dead spirits.
Your guide is not your long-passed grandparent or parent or sibling or
child or pet, although often when we sense our guide’s presence there
is a feeling of unconditional love. The guides are entities
who
have been chosen by God to serve and to assist humanity. They
are
in constant, direct communion with God. Guides other than our personal
companion guide do work with us, but only on a temporary assignment
basis. For example, the Archangels will assist in extreme
situations by offering their energy and their profound wisdom, but they
do not stay with us for our entire lifetime.

Guilt
(attitude, emotion) Feeling responsible for not meeting expectations,
no matter whose they are - or - Excessive feelings of remorse for deeds
either done or not done. Guilt is just as hurtful and damaging to us as
any of the other negative thoughts, attitudes and emotions. Guilt can
cause us much pain, and
can cause us to behave in ways that are potentially harmful to many.
Guilt, condemnation and
remorse are interwoven, and all keep us stuck in the past. It is
important to remember always that we cannot change the past. We can
only learn from it and use it to create change in the here and now. We
can never be sure what the future holds. We only live now, and only now
can be affected by our behaviour.

People often “lay guilt
trips” on others to manipulate and to get their own way, that is, to control
others. (e.g.: It's all your fault. If you don't do what I ask, you're
bad. Remember how you hurt me in the past?) Sometimes parents take on
responsibility for their children's actions. This can help no one: the
parent suffers multiple injuries and the child fails to learn
responsibility. Since guilt requires punishment, those who feel guilt
over some past experience often meet negative experiences in the
present. This is not because God wants to punish us, but because we
"expect" some form of punishment. And, since the Universal Intelligence
is responsive, our expectation creates the negative experiencePhysical effects of the pattern:Eating
disordersHow to change the pattern:
Do forgiveness
exercise

Survivor's
Guilt (attitude, emotion) This is a crippling condition
that can create much pain, discomfort and negativity, and can become an
addiction.
Losing loved ones through death caused by accident, illness,
childbirth, suicide or
euthanasia, murder/acts of terrorism or genocide can create survivor's
guilt. Remaining healthy when a loved one becomes unwell can also
create it, as can growing up as the "normal" child in a family with a
"special needs" child. (Also, some Christians believe that since Christ
died on the cross for them, they must prove their appreciation by
inflicting pain upon themselves.) Survivor's guilt says: "I cannot and
will not ever succeed. Nothing of lasting benefit can or will come from
me. There cannot/will not be any joy in my life. If something good does
happen, I cannot/will not celebrate. I cannot/will not contribute to a
society that allowed (whatever) to happen." Why? To find enjoyment in
life could be seen as a betrayal of the loved one, or of the family. It
could be seen as a failure to punish oneself sufficiently. It is
important to remember that God does not ever judge, criticize or condemn us.
It is also important to remember that the loved one's experiences were
a part of their path. We cannot walk their path
for them. We must allow them the dignity of ownership. We must not use
their experiences as an excuse for failing to live well, or for holding
onto resentment or
for seeking vengeance, or
for punishing ourselvesPhysical effects of the pattern:Heart/lung
disorders, depressionHow to change the pattern:Meditate to
learn that the Universal Intelligence is in charge of matters of life
and death - not us. Then meditate to learn one's true life purpose

Honesty
(attitude) Ability to confront Universal Truth - about self, about our
experiences, about others. Without Universal Truth, we are left
searching futilely for a way to explain why we have had certain
experiences or why we have certain behaviours

Humility
(attitude) Knowing that we are all children of God in human form, in
differing stages of development. We are all capable of ANYTHING, given
the proper circumstances. All are equal in the eyes of God. Humans are
not in charge

Ignorance
(thought, attitude) Belief that one already knows and therefore
requires no further understanding. Ignorance is a condition and a
choice that can be spiritually crippling. If one believes that there is
only one place to learn about God, one closes the door on one’s
potential spiritual growth. If one believes that God no longer
communicates with his human children, one is left relying on someone
else’s version of TruthPhysical effects of the pattern:
Prejudice, hatred, intoleranceHow to change the pattern:
Become open to the concept that the Universal Intelligence brought all
life into existence - to condemn one is to condemn all

Insolence
(thought, attitude) Belief that one knows what is best while one's
authority figure(s) are fools who haven't a clue. Insolence can come
from a multitude of beliefs, for example, "I'm smarter/better than
everyone else", "Everyone is supposed to do whatever I want", "I can do
whatever I want", I don't have to do what anyone else says." Can stem
from too little or too much attention from one's caregivers when
growing up, or from one's caregivers being unable or unwilling to say,
"No" to the child. The insolent person often suffers from a lack of
real self-worth, which contributes greatly to their need to be in control of
everything at all times, and often using the threat of a temper tantrum
to control othersPhysical effects of the pattern:
Lack of respect of self and othersHow to change the pattern:
Become open to the concept that the Universal Intelligence brought all
life into existence - to condemn one is to condemn all

Joy
(emotion) Feelings of delight and great pleasure that arise from within
us, often when we have given unselfish service to another. Joy can also
come when we are doing something we care about deeply. It is often
hoped that an act of revenge will
bring joy, but any act that harms another cannot bring true joy

Judgment
(thought, attitude) Forming a negative opinion, sometimes after
consideration or deliberation, sometimes instantly. We need to make
some judgments all the time, but the habit could be improved
significantly were we to stop judging our fellow humans. It's judgment
to decide that someone is too fat, too thin, too short, too tall, too
beautiful, too ugly - get the picture? - to deserve our respect. The
point is that this is a negative behaviour that harms us all. Chronic
judgment of others can lead to serious illnesses. Prejudice is
accepting someone else’s judgment of something, without forming your
own opinion based on your own experiences. See also gossip
Physical effects of the pattern: All forms of arthritisHow to change the pattern:Meditate to
learn that judgment leads to other poor spiritual diet choices like criticism, condemnation, control, contempt, etc.

Manipulation
(thought, attitude) Using negative behaviours to make someone do what
we want instead of just asking (often because we're afraid that they
might say no). There are many ways to do this: Using baby talk or
whining, lying, asking in front of other people, procrastinating,
threatening, withholding communication, etc. See also control
Physical effects of the pattern:Bladder and urinary
tract problems, kidney diseaseHow to change the pattern:Meditate to
learn the source of one's fear of expressing that which one desires

Martyrdom
(attitude) Letting others know how much you have suffered and
sacrificed in order to help them, with the intention of making them
feel indebted to you. Martyrs often speak in an
artificially happy tone of voice
Physical effects of the pattern:Back or
shoulder painHow to change the pattern:Meditate to
learn that judgment leads to other poor spiritual diet choices like criticism, condemnation, control, contempt, etc.

Meditation
(thought) Meditation is communication - two-way communication - between
us and the Universal Intelligence. It is the act of asking questions
and paying attention to hear the answers. Learn how. See
also prayer

Mercy
(thought, attitude) Tendency to be kind, forgiving and
sympathetic to those in difficult circumstances (including self). Being
merciful does not necessarily mean rescuing someone by doing their work
for them, because that can do more harm than good. It means being a
non-judgmental shoulder to cry on. It means giving information when
invited to do so

Misanthropic
(attitude) Believing the very worst about humanity (or self) and doing
nothing about it because it would be pointless anyway. See also distrust
Physical effects of the pattern: Extremely unlikely to
have close, satisfying relationshipsHow to change the pattern:Meditate to
learn that the Universal Intelligence exists and communicates with us

Obedience
(attitude) Asking God for guidance, waiting around long enough to hear
it and then following it. Obedience does not mean doing what another
human tells you to do, or doing what they say God
says you must do - it means following the instructions given to you by
your own guide when you have asked for assistance from the Universal
Intelligence

Obsessive/Compulsive
Behaviours Inability to cope with life without doing
certain routines when certain things have happened; the seemingly
uncontrollable urge to repeat a behaviour, whether or not it is acted
out. The behaviour is usually done in response to repression or suppression of
strong emotions. It is a way to have some measure of control when
one feels like a victim. This
is one form of addiction that
is every bit as difficult to treat as a chemical dependency. However,
when one is dedicated to healing self, tremendous change is possible.
Before repeating any behaviour, it is important to remember that we
have the ability to choose. See perfectionism and OCD.Physical effects of the pattern:alcohol/drug
use, checking,
counting,
dawdling/chronic lateness, chronic lying, eating disorders, exercise, gambling (usually triggered
when one feels "bad" and needs assurance that "God still loves me") , hair
removal, hair twirling, hand-washing, looking
in the mirror, perfectionism, picking
at skin flaws, repeating
phrases or movements, self-mutilation, sexual encounters, shopping, whining and so on.
All of the behaviours can be crippling. They can repel people
(sometimes that's the whole idea!) and they can anger people (a side
benefit). They often end up creating the exact situation that one is
trying to avoidHow to change the pattern:Meditate to
identify and resolve the root cause(s)

Patience
(attitude) Ability to wait without having any negative thoughts,
attitudes or emotions. In these days of road rage, air rage and even
rage rage, patience can seem like the holy grail. Nobody's perfect!
We're all capable of lapses of judgment and lapses of wisdom. Wouldn't
it be nice to be able to make a mistake with the comfort of knowing
that we'd be treated with patience, tolerance and forgiveness? Wouldn't
it be nice to be the one to set a good example?

Peace
(emotion) State of calm, acceptance, forgiveness. Many believe that
someone (a higher intelligence - either Jesus or extraterrestrials)
will come to Planet Earth to save humanity from the brink of
destruction. How exactly do they think this will come about? Unless
that someone simply bestows Peace upon us, something will be required
of us to bring it about. What if that higher intelligence said that in
order to save ourselves, we would have to forgive all those who had
ever harmed us in any way, intentionally or otherwise? How might we
feel? What if that higher intelligence said that there can be no peace
on the planet so long as even one of us
holds onto hatred, intolerance, prejudice and resentment? See also war

Perfectionism
(attitude) Inability or unwillingness to accept any person or thing
that does not meet excessively rigid standards. When we place these
standards upon another person, we are controlling them,
and judging, criticizing and condemning them.
It is control when we in effect say, “You must do this my way, the
right way, the only way.” It is judgment and criticism when we decide
that they are doing it wrong, and condemnation when we decide to punish
them in some way for their inability or unwillingness to do what we
want, the way we want it done. When we place these standards upon
ourselves, we do it to gain either our own or someone else's approval
(whether or not they are present). The pattern of perfectionism can
begin early in childhood and is often learned from one's caregivers. It
can develop when a child receives constant negative attention for doing
anything that does not meet the standards held for that child by the
caregivers, or when the child feels invisible in the family.
Perfectionism can become an obsessive/compulsive
behaviour. e.g.: If I don't do it, it
won't get done right. It has to be done this way. Always looking to
catch someone in an error
Physical effects of the pattern: All forms of arthritis, acne, liver diseases.How to change the pattern:Meditate to
learn that judgment leads to other poor spiritual diet choices like criticism, condemnation, control, contempt, etc.

Persecution
Complex (attitude, emotion) Feeling that everyone is
out to get you, or is judging you
or is thinking about you (see narcissistic, self-importance, victim).
This fear can
stem either too little or too much favourable attention in early
childhood. e.g.: Did you see the way they were looking at me?
Physical effects of the pattern: Difficulty in
maintaining close, satisfying relationshipsHow to change the pattern:
Do self-esteem
exercise

Pessimism
(attitude) Outlook on life that says, "What's the point - things will
never work out the way I want anyway". This
attitude is the result of having judged, criticized and condemned self,
others, and/or the Universal Intelligence. Sometimes this attitude can
begin as an act of spite or revenge. See
also passive/aggressive.
e.g.: Things will never turn out right. What else is new? I’ll never
amount to anythingPhysical effects of the pattern:Obsessive/compulsive
behaviours, chronic lower back pain
and/or sciatica, eye
problems, insomnia and
other sleep
disordersHow to change the pattern:
Know that we create our own reality. Expectation equals result. Fear
brings about that which is feared

Prayer(thought, attitude) - Act of talking
to God (the Universal Intelligence). Many use prayer to ask God for
favours (see control); for
example, heal me...heal someone else...keep someone alive...let someone
die...punish someone for me...let my team win the big game...let me win
the lottery...). Saying the words, "Thy will be done, Father," can
avoid much needless worry and distress. Many
use prayer as a protection from "evil" or from the wrath of God. That
is not prayer - it is ritual and superstition, which is nothing more
than fear that
has become habit. See also meditation and unconditional love

Procrastination
(attitude) Putting off that which one has agreed to do. This is a passive/aggressive act
of control. See avoidance, laziness.
Those who fail to live up to their commitments often have a mate who
nags, yet claim innocence in playing any part in the pattern. The
procrastination/nagging game can go on for years, with one person
blaming the other for their own failure to communicatePhysical effects of the pattern:
Hearing, seeing or memory
problems, hypochondriaHow to change the pattern:Meditate to
learn what we're trying to gain or create by avoiding doing that which
needs to be done

Rejection
(thought) Dismissing someone or something because of inferiority or
imperfection. We can use rejection as a punishment when we have judged, criticized and condemned
someone or something. Rejection of a person can be a form of abandonment.
Rejection of an idea can be a form of denial. When
someone has rejected us, we can feel ashamed of
our words, our actions or ourselves
Physical effects of the pattern: All forms of arthritisHow to change the pattern:Meditate to
learn that judgment leads to other poor spiritual diet choices like criticism, condemnation, control, contempt, etc.

Repression
(thought) Inability or unwillingness to acknowledge that one has had a
negative experience. This is a learned behaviour that can begin in very
early childhood as a conscious choice, but develops into a seemingly
unconscious behaviour. Repression of anger can
lead to unexpected explosive rages. Repression can also contribute to
the need for drugs, alcohol, tobacco, excessive food intake or exercise
and other negative behaviours, all of which can be addiction
forming. See also denial
Physical effects of the pattern:Obsessive/compulsive
behavioursHow to change the pattern:
Do grieving
exercise

Resentment
(thought, attitude, emotion) Holding onto a deep-seated grudge against
someone who has hurt or offended us and can create the habitual need
for revenge.
Words like, “I hate you and I will never forgive you,” or, “You'll pay
for that,” show that resentment is already forming. We can even get
addicted to the high that comes from allowing our hurt to excuse us
from behaving responsibly. Holding onto resentment can become a
habitual response to people or circumstances that do not meet with our
approval
Physical effects of the pattern: All forms of arthritis, digestive disorders, heart/lung
problems, high
cholesterol, bladder and urinary
tract problemsHow to change the pattern:Meditate to
learn that judgment leads to other poor spiritual diet choices like criticism, condemnation, control, contempt, etc.

Respect
(attitude) Willingness to treat one another (and ourselves) with patience and tolerance, mercy and forgiveness. It
is disrespectful to use someone else's possessions and/or property
without their permission. The words, "I didn't think you'd mind" are
often used as an excuse for failing to ask permission. This failure to
ask can stem from fear (that
permission might not be granted) or the belief that self is "entitled"
(see arrogance)

Revenge
(thought, attitude, emotion) Deep need to retaliate against someone who
has offended us by hurting someone/anyone as badly as we have been hurt
(e.g., gossiping, hazing. Revenge can also be a desire to teach someone
a lesson they won’t forget. In its more subtle form, we might
abandon the offender and/or withhold communication from her or him.
Such behaviour can easily spiral downward into depression. It can
become an obsessive compulsion. Words like, “I was hurt so it’s okay
for me to hurt anyone who gets in my way,” “What goes around comes
around,” “Serves you right,” or “God will get you for this" or "God
will hurt you for me,” are all expressions of the desire for revenge.
Let’s look at this illogical hope that God will hurt someone for us:
Since we are all children of God, why would the Universal Intelligence,
the Creator of everything and everyone, want to hurt any of us? God
loves each of us unconditionally so He cannot possibly judge, criticize
or condemn anyone. Ever.

We can feel that hurting others is the only way to deal with our pain,
but there is another way…forgiveness! However, before we can forgive it
is necessary to stop allowing ourselves to react to negative situations
with resentment. Sharing our feelings is a great start because very
often, the offender hasn’t even a clue that their words/actions were
hurtful. At the very least, communication can validate our experience,
and it might even open the door to new understanding.

Sacrifice
(attitude) Being willing to set aside our needs in order to be of
service. Sacrifice is often used as an excuse for our inability to say
"no" to someone. This is not true sacrifice. True sacrifice occurs when
there is no thought for self. True sacrifice occurs when there is
thought only for the one(s) in need. Sacrifice can also be giving up
what one wants to do in favour of what God (through our guide) has
asked, or not doing something one wants to do because God (through our
guide) has asked that it not be done

Sarcasm
(attitude) Words (whether spoken aloud or not) that are intended to
ridicule or harm self or another under the guise of humour
Physical effects of the pattern:Upper
respiratory issuesHow to change the pattern:
Do self-esteem
exercise

Scorn
(attitude) Treating someone as though they are less than human and
unworthy of our respect. This
attitude is the result of having judged, criticized and condemned
someone, and scorn is the punishment. Giving someone a dirty look is an
act of scorn and can be an act of manipulation. See self-righteousness
Physical effects of the pattern: A chronic scornful
attitude can help to create arthritis, heart disease, eye
diseases and nose
problemsHow to change the pattern:
Do tolerance
exercise

Seeking
of Truth and Understanding (thought, attitude) Being
willing to confront the Universal Truth about ourselves, about our
experiences and about our belief systems can lead us to full
understanding, which enables us to release the past fully and with
love. When we resent
someone, we often feel fully justified in not seeking any understanding
at all about the offending person's possible motives or intentions for
their words or actions. All too often though, offenders are not even
aware that they have caused injury. That's one of the reasons why forgiveness is so
important: Couldn't our time be better spent than holding a grudge
against someone whose behaviour may not even have been intended to harm
us?

Self-aggrandizement
(thought, attitude) Using others to further oneself and one's own
interests, under the guise of it being for the other guy's benefit.
e.g.: Making someone think that what you tell them to do is to help
them, and not to help you in any way. Selling a product under the false
pretense that the buyer will benefit because of it, or will come to
harm without it, when the only true reason for selling it is to make a
profit for self
Physical effects of the pattern:Heart
problems, digestive
issues, foot
problemsHow to change the pattern:
Do self-esteem
exercise

Self-importance
(attitude) Belief that oneself is more deserving of attention than
everybody else, and that everything that happens to self should be of
the utmost importance to everybody else. Can be the belief that one's
belief systems are flawless. Can be the belief that everything that
happens, be it an experience or even a conversation, is "about me".
Holding oneself in very high regard. Pride and conceit are offshoots of
ego and
self-importance. Self-importance and self-condemnation often
go hand-in-hand, because even though we might feel very proud of some
of our accomplishments, there can be a feeling of shame in
other areas, or at least the recognition that certain areas of our
lives could stand some change. e.g.: What about me? Me, me, me. Let's
talk about me and my family, or friends, or pets, or job, or hobbies,
or experiences; anything, so long as I don't have to listen to anything
about you (see babble). See
also narcissistic
Physical effects of the pattern:Flatulence, vertigoHow to change the pattern:
Do self-esteem
exercise

Self-interest
(attitude) Using others to one's benefit, with regard only for self
Physical effects of the pattern:Digestion disordersHow to change the pattern:Meditate to
learn the reasons for feeling ignored or neglected

Self-righteousness
(thought, attitude) Belief that self is morally pure and beyond
reproach, usually used in comparison against someone who has been judged as
being less than perfect. e.g.: I would never hurt anyone the way you've
hurt me. At least I'm not like him or her. God will punish you, but
he'll forgive me
Physical effects of the pattern:High cholesterol, eye problems, sepsisHow to change the pattern:
Do self-esteem and tolerance
exercises

Shame
(emotion) Feelings of embarrassment, guilt and
remorse that come upon seeing (or being told by someone) that self is
not perfect. Shame can lead to feelings of unworthiness, self-doubt and
low self-esteem. It often creates the need to live in a state of
secrecy about oneself and one’s experiences. Deep shame is often
associated with a constant state of fear, even
panic, that one will be “found out”. It can also create the need for addictive behaviours
and substances. Abused children often have a deep sense of
shame, for they can believe that they were responsible for their
negative experiences. e.g.: It's all my fault and I should be punished.
I'm bad and everyone can see it
Physical effects of the pattern:Skin problems like acne,
rosacea, rashHow to change the pattern:
Do self-esteem, grieving and forgiveness
exercises

Should
(thought, attitude) This is a word of control that
is used when telling someone what you think they need to do. We often
think we know what's best for others but maybe, just maybe, we don't.
Before telling someone else what they should do, consider how it feels
when someone else tells us what to do!
Physical effects of the pattern: Nerve damage, high cholesterolHow to change the pattern:Meditate to
learn the source of one's desire/need to be in charge

Stress
(attitude) Self-imposed punishment (implies that judgment, criticism
and condemnation have already taken place). We place stress on
ourselves when we:

try to live up to impossible
standards; so-called, "keeping up with the Jones's. Nobody's perfect -
not even the Jones's. If we try to keep up with (or get ahead of) the
Jones's, that is the behaviour our children may copy

try to meet others' supposed
expectations of us. Whose approval are we really trying to win?

try to make important
decisions on our own, without input from the Universal Intelligence

believe that we are
responsible for just about anything or everything

Physical
effects of the pattern:Post-traumatic
stress disorder can arise after observing or
experiencing terrifying events over which one has no control. Somehow
we feel that we should have been able to prevent them, or at least been
able to fix them or prevent them from ever happening again. The events
need not have been life-threatening - they need only have been
frightening. If we feel we are responsible, we can take on guilt. If
we feel others are responsible, we can take on a victim
mentality and become either extremely passive or extremely aggressiveHow to change the pattern:
Do how to
stop worrying and grieving
exercises

Suppression
Conscious choice to keep one’s negative thoughts, attitudes and
emotions to oneself, thus preventing expression of them. This can also
begin as an act of spite. As with repression, keeping everything
bottled up inside can create the need for mood-altering substances or
habits. It can also prevent the forming of deep, emotional bonds with
others
Physical effects of the pattern:Obsessive/compulsive
behavioursHow to change the pattern:
Do grieving
exercise, meditate to
find the root cause

Tolerance
(attitude) Ability to observe people or to have certain experiences
without their creating negative thoughts, attitudes and emotions within
us. Intolerance creates much of the turmoil on this planet. How to change intolerance:
Do tolerance
exercise

Trust (in
God) (thought, attitude) Knowing that we are loved, unconditionally, in
every moment of our existence, and that all is well. Knowing that all
that is required for our learning will be provided. Knowing that each
and every experience is given by the Universal Intelligence to help us
learn how to love unconditionally - both others and ourselves. For
example, an abused child can often wonder why or how his/her caregivers
could be verbally, emotionally or physically abusive. When the child
becomes a parent and treats his or her own children the same way, it is
hoped that the adult child will gain the understanding that he or she
was looking for by experiencing, first-hand, the conditions that create
abuse; thereby learning unconditional love for self and for his/her
caregivers. Of course, not all abused children become abusive
caregivers. Some manage to set aside their own "stuff" and use their
negative experiences to improve themselves, rather than using their
pain as an excuse to treat others as they were treated

Unconditional
Love Acceptance without conditions (a lack of negative
thoughts, attitudes and emotions). The Universal Intelligence loves us
unconditionally. There is nothing we have to do, nothing we have to
change, in order to be loved by God. When we feel Universal energy, we
are feeling the unconditional love that exists for each and every one
of us. Believing that God judges us is
to believe that God's love is conditional, and that is an untruth and
an impossibility, because judgment, criticism and condemnation are
conditional. Unconditional love can be seen as "tough love", because it
allows us to experience all things - both positive and negative. It
allows there to be physical consequences for our spiritual choices. It
allows us to feel pain; it allows us to cause pain. See free will

Victim
(attitude) Belief that that there is no protection from what's "out
there". Belief that everything negative in one's life has been caused
by anyone or anything but self. This can be a crippling handicap. The
pattern can usually be traced to a traumatic childhood experience that
was never resolved. Can come from the repeated failure of one's
caregivers to protect the child from coming to harm. Can also come from
over-protective parenting. See also blame.
People stuck in victim mode often have "pity parties";
that is, they go on and on about how everyone has hurt them, everyone
is better off than them, nothing ever works out for them, nobody likes
them, etc. We become a victim as soon as we believe that there is
nothing we can do to change our life experience, or to protect
ourselves from others' negative actions, thoughts, attitudes and
emotions. See also passive/aggressive; narcissism
Physical effects of the pattern:HIV/AIDS, anemia, knee problems,
rheumatoid arthritis, some forms of cancer, Crohn's Disease, athlete's foot, etc.How to change the pattern:
Do all the spiritual
exercises

War In
order to fully understand why war exists, we must first be willing to
acknowledge our own negative thoughts, attitudes and emotions.
Self-awareness brings the realization that we're all alike, we're all
equal, we're all capable of anything, given the proper circumstances.
To hold a grudge against someone for failing to live up to our
standards is one of the first steps toward war. We often justify our
failure to live up to our own standards by saying that the person or
people we harmed deserved it because somehow they're less than human;
for example, stealing from a corporation, making false insurance
claims, using someone's property without their permission, etc.

Worry
(thought, attitude) Busy thoughts; wondering how everything is going to
turn out; trying to plan everything; wondering what others are
thinking; wondering how others will react to your action(s). Excessive
worrying can create anxiety and
even panic attacks. Worry is often used as a means of control over
our loved ones, and indicates that judgment, criticism and condemnation have
already taken place. For example, when we say we are worried about
someone, it is in effect saying that we think they are incapable of
doing the "right" thing. We are saying that we think they will come to
some harm if they continue doing whatever it is they are doing. People
in co-dependent
relationships often "worry" about their
partner. They say that they are concerned that their loved one will
come to some harm, but the real worry is about themselves. This is not
unconditional love. This is a negative attitude. This is control.
Worry can manifest in physical as hair loss, insomnia, nail biting or
chronic pain.
e.g.: What if... If I do this, then he/she will do... If I do this,
then he/she will think...
Physical effects of the pattern: Chronic bleeding nose, tinnitus and
other ear problems, digestive
problemsHow to change the pattern:
Do how to
stop worrying exercise

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