Many people are unable to comprehend that the surrogate is not biologically related to the child she is carrying. This is a myth that once carried some amount of truth, as there are two types of surrogacy. Gestational surrogacy, wherein an embryo created outside of the body is placed in an unrelated woman’s womb to grow, and traditional surrogacy, wherein the surrogate also acts as the egg donor. In the case of traditional surrogacy, a surrogate would also be biologically related to the child. This method is far less common than gestational surrogacy nowadays. The gestational surrogate is a carrier–the fetus she carries will have no maternal relationship with her. Surrogates don’t see themselves as making a baby—you’ve done that—but they do see themselves as making a family and they take great pride in that.

Myth: Any woman can become a surrogate.

Not true. Any woman can want to be a surrogate but she will go through a long, comprehensive and fairly intrusive screening process that will examine her medically, psychologically, psycho-socially, financially and legally. In fact, only about 2% of the women who want to be surrogates will pass this arduous screening process.

Myth: Surrogates are in it for the money.

Nope. Surrogates are in the process for about two years and they are compensated for their discomfort, inconvenience and risk. Surrogates have to meet a financial threshold to be a surrogate—so they can’t be on welfare, state aid or any other assistance. They do not need the surrogacy money to live and in fact the top two things that surrogate plan for the compensation that they receive is putting it in a college fund for their children and taking their family on a vacation. This myth is especially offensive when you consider who surrogates are: among the most selfless, caring, loving women you could ever meet.

Myth: Parents will have trouble bonding with their baby if a surrogate is the carrier.

In fact, parents bond with their babies at different times, regardless of who is carrying the baby. Some women bond while they are pregnant, but many bond once the baby is born. And there are things that parents can do to feel close to the baby while the surrogate is carrying such as record their voices for the baby to hear while in utero, go to doctor’s appointments with the surrogate, and be included every step of the way. Of course, parents are in the room when the baby is born and the bonding process jumps off from there.

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Myth: Gestational surrogacy is always successful.

As much as we wish it were true, this is also a myth. IVF has made tremendous breakthroughs in reproductive science and does offer impressive odds, but it’s still not an exact science. While Resolve, a National Infertility Association, reports that success rates with IVF treatments are around 30%, surrogacy allows for better odds. By creating the best possible conditions, using esteemed IVF doctors, and placing only the best embryos into the uterus of a highly qualified and screened surrogate, surrogacy offers much higher success rates. However, nothing is ever guaranteed when it comes to baby-making.

Myth: “Not my baby–not my concern.”

Many intended parents worry that a surrogate will not care for herself and their child with the same amount of care that she would care for a child she was carrying for herself. The misconception is that she disassociates from healthy lifestyles and prenatal care since the child is not her own. This couldn’t be further from the truth. Women who go through the long screening process to become surrogates do so because they enjoy pregnancy, and respect how the body grows new life. These are reliable women with enormous amounts of responsibility who can be trusted to treat your developing baby just as well, if not better, than they treated their own.

Myth: Your surrogate will want to keep your baby.

In a recent survey of 10 of the top U.S. surrogacy agencies, over a nearly 40-year period and having helped around 20,000 families collectively, not one reported a surrogate changing her mind. Most surrogates have already completed their families before entering into the world of surrogacy. The truth is that they’re just as afraid of the parents refusing the baby as potential parents are of the surrogate refusing to surrender it. Surrogates are crystal clear—this is not their baby—they are the babysitter, giving you BACK your baby after they grow it for 9 months.

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