Across-the-Board (acrosstheboardblog.com)

This entertainment blog showcases crazy news, pictures, and celebrity gossip. Occasionally, I talk about my life as well. Consider it slapdash if you will, I prefer to describe my actions as... Across the Board. Updated whenever I feel like it.

Parrot dances and sings (sort of) to the Backstreet Boys

Dude says he killed, not ate, his girlfriend

A Mexican writer suspected of frying and eating pieces of his ex-girlfriend after strangling her has confessed to murdering the woman but denies being a cannibal, a government prosecutor said on Tuesday.

Police burst into Jose Luis Calva's Mexico City apartment last week and found fried human flesh on a dining table set with cutlery. They found more flesh in the refrigerator and an unfinished book by Calvo called "Cannibal Instincts."

The mutilated body of Alejandra Galeana, 32, was in the bedroom closet. Calva told prosecutors he killed Galeana after an argument, then cut an arm and a leg off of her body so that he could dispense of it in parts. » Article here

OMG da cats r in ur house!

Wow, this is one heck of a NFL tailgate party.

Woman steals man's genitals?

In a dramatic twist of sex scandal, a middle aged man who accused his sex partner of stealing his genital has now turned into an accused after the accused lady was forced by the police, on recommendation of a herbalist into another intercourse, in a bid to restore his manhood in Bassan Jiwa, Airport Village, Abuja.

An Abuja-based beer palour owner called Grace Igbian has been accused by her lover Kingsley Ulame of 'stealing' his sexual organ. They had been dating for an exteded period of time and they last stayed and slept together for 29 days before he travelled home to see his family in Benin, Edo State. But instead of enjoying his stay with his family, Ulame said he started having problems with his organ. He noticed that he could not have an erection. According to him, his organ stopped functioning and he was frightened that it may result to impotence. » Read the rest of the full article here

This is Sparta?

[prank] No reflection in the mirror?

Dude watches safety video at gun range, then kills self

A 20-year-old man who shot himself to death at a gun club had been “fighting inner battles he couldn't control,” an ex-girlfriend said.

Matthew Errico of Scottsdale shot himself in the head Monday evening at the Scottsdale Gun Club. Errico had recently been “trying to pray and contact God” for help, said Kristina Lucier, who dated Errico for 18 months. He was given gun club instructions and paperwork before an employee lead him to the range to fire the weapon. The gun club requires people to watch a safety video and sign a release and waiver form before entering the gun range, according to its Web site.

Errico shot at a target for several minutes before facing the range master and shooting himself once in the head. He was pronounced dead at 8:20 p.m. at Scottsdale Healthcare Osborn. » Article here

"So is a unicorn just a horse that has one horn sticking out of its head? Oh."

"I’d rather massage a chick with pudding."

"We’re getting a cat and we’re naming it taint."

"You should send her a text message and say that you want to rub her down with
applebutter"

"Never send a girl carnations unless you want her to say, 'Crap, I got
carnations.'"

"I've decided photos of girls on boats are sexier than photos of girls on the
beach."

"I’m worried that I’m going to run out of people to ask to be friends on Facebook."

"Eat it with your hands it's tomato-saucy!"

"I hate when movies try to make food visually stimulating."

"She's been living for 16 years in KY jelly./Yeah, that can't be good on your
eyebrows"

"I think pregnant ladies are scary"

"I think we should wait till it's late./When we get back it will be late./Exactly"

"The party is at Jerry's Bait Shop! OH-OH"

"I can't, I have to start studying for a final I have in two days... and I haven't even
taken the book out of the saran wrap."

"I don’t have to ask her for permission, I just have to persuade her to let me."

"You should have paddled him with your penis at his wedding!"

"Jeez-la-weez!"/Did you really just say Jeez-la-weez?"

"Listen here bucko!/Did you really just say bucko?"

"[Ramsey barges into Paul’s house and interrupts a group of people watching a serious
movie with the lights dimmed], “Paul you’re such a damn liar, and you smell like ham” –
Drunk Ramsey after the Rascal Flatts concert

"(calling me from the casino buffet) Dude -- quit screen your calls, I wanted to tell
you about the crazy amount of food I ate, I seriously, you’re probably going to think this
is an exaggeration but it’s not. [excited] I ate two steaks, probably about 35 shrimp, a
thing of carved turkey, a baked potato crab, a crab rangoon, some fried rice, two rolls, and
a teeny piece of pie at the end. Fucking most food I’ve ever eaten -- this place is fuckin’
[short pause] we have got to start coming here on Thursdays! Anyways, I’ll be home in a
little bit, later bye."

"Birth control is the best invention ever... [pause], so are condoms"

"So I've been thinking of taking up smoking as a hobby..."

"You would of been funny in the 80's"

"I wonder what T.J. Ford is up to?"

"You made out with him because you wanted to feel his suede jacket? That's awesome."