Problems in Libya disappear as Simon Cowell flies in

The mayhem, chaos and other Libyan unrest all came to a halt last night, with things quickly returning to abnormal in the country.

Simon Cowell, complete with unreal-looking teeth and premium-rate telephone numbers, was flown in to Tripoli by Cedric Gaddafi, the Colonel's less-famous son who is in charge of entertainment.

The immediate announcement of a series of daily heats for X-Factor every night for the remainder of the year has quelled any uprising and opposition as Libyans, both oppressed and oppressors, queue for their chance at becoming a vacuous celebrity.

For any Libya-based Libyans reading this who would like to take part, permanent queues have been arranged at the Gaddafi Stadiums in Tripoli (booking office first door on left after entrance to torture chamber), Benghazi (opposite the stoning centre), Ajdabiya (adjacent to the philanderers decapitation area) and Az Zawiyah (next to the "I'm a Towel-Head get me out of here" studio).

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