There’s also lots of traffic coming from this Danish site. It pleases me to think that somewhere in Denmark, one of those stereotypically blonde, sexy and ‘up for it’ chicks is looking at my crappy quiz and thinking of maybe sleeping with me. It’s highly unlikely, it just pleases me to think about it is all.

We’re still waaaaaaaay down on the blogdex charts, so we have a long way to go yet – if, indeed, we get there at all.

- Time is linked with entropy, i.e. the movement of matter in the universe.

- This movement of matter began with the big bang, or if you’re a creationist, the moment God sneezed.

- The subsequent movement has been decelerating constantly, but in the early stages time was moving veryveryfastindeed.

- This means that God could very well have created the heavens, the earth, and got the whole messy business of creating intelligent life and an environment to support it in 6 days (at least, 6 days according to the scale of time those folks what wrote the bible could relate to).

So, there you go. Creationism can sit side-by-side with Evolutionism. If you’re on the right medication, that is.

There, that’s that problem solved. Now, back to that multiple subscription solution I’ve been working on. Should be a doddle compared to this.

Not fair! If this were the movies, the cop would have eaten the taco and been completely unaware that he had consumed a controlled substance. Hilarious antics would then follow, probably to a reggae soundtrack.

Time
10:09
Doreen Waddell of Soul II Soul fame was caught shoplifting at Tesco. She ran outside when challenged by staff and was hit by three, count ‘em, three cars and died later in hospital. I’ll drop in a news link as soon as an item appears.

“Copyright law does not protect sightings. However, copyright law will protect your photo (or other depiction) of your sighting of Elvis. Just send it to us with a form VA application and the $30 filing fee. No one can lawfully use your photo of your sighting, although someone else may file his own photo of his sighting. Copyright law protects the original photograph, not the subject of the photograph.”

Time
08:56Eleven U.S. students have been suspended for purposely making themselves pass out as part of a fad. Big deal. There was a bunch of guys at my school who had some kind of weird vomiting club going on. One of the sickest things they did was dare someone in their group to eat a packet of Fruit Tingles, throw them up onto a paper plate and then (gulp) eat them again. He did it. In front of a hude audience in the playground. For about 20 dollars (if memory serves). Considering the growing popularity of shows like Jackass it could be said that they were truly men ahead of their time. Anyways, their ability to throw up ‘at command’ improved to a level where they could easily get out of assemblies, exams and the like just with a couple of well-placed fingers. Passing out? Hah! What a bunch of pussies….

Time
09:12
An oldie but a goodie, and worth blogging because the creator of this excellent distraction classifies his online work as ‘art’. Maybe I can do the same and get ten grand a pop for all the crap I’ve created over the years.

Time
10:06
Things move pretty fast in the new, improved ‘cut and paste’ pop industry. Throughout Pop Idol, a thousand careers are conceived and aborted before our very eyes. The ‘lone’ survivor is launched two weeks after the close of the competition with posters all over London assuring us that ‘The Wait Is Over’. Now the fledgling star is outed less than a month into his career (by my estimation, at least two years ahead of schedule). In the coming week, we should expect Will to get fat and suffer from drug abuse. A comeback will then follow, probably sometime next Thursday after lunch.

Time
11:29
The Rubberband Machine Gun is for wimps. Real men aspire to ownership of a Lego Machine Gun. You have to be able to take it apart and put it back together again in 60 seconds, too. While blindfolded. And under fire. Then you have to give your Lego Machine Gun a girl’s name. Etc.

Time
16:44Some wacko, far from pleased with the quality of widescreen television, took hostages in the wrong building, made them put signs in the windows (presumably so the people he actually had a beef with got the message) and then shot himself. Last report, he was still alive and kicking. And an idiot.

The worst possible moment on the worst possible day in a career going nowhere… and somebody caught it on camera.

Great things await Mustard Man. His fame will spread far and wide from this moment on. Due to his newfound celebrity, he will be rescued from the hell of the fast food kitchen and instead thrust into the heavens as a shining cautionary example to us all.

Dog bless you, Mustard Man! We salute you and the bravery with which you have faced your daily trials. Yours is a life so illustrative of the human condition that you deserve the immortality of fame like no other.

Time
09:09
I walked past a bunch of kids playing football on my way home last night. One of the first things I noticed was a tiny 7-year-old in goal. The goal mouth was absolutely cavernous compared to this poor little titch. He was covered in mud and muck, and had a big scrape on his face. He’d obviously been through hell defending the thing. It started to rain heavily, and someone shouted “OK, next goal wins!”

Within seconds, the ball went sailing through the air and right past the little goalkeeper. I half-expected him to burst into tears, but instead he screamed out at the top of his lungs:

I remember hearing the Winkers (misprint) album for the first time during a ‘wake-a-thon’ in the very early 80s. Yes, we actually convinced our parents and supervisors that letting us stay awake in the local hall for two days running would be a good fundraising idea. Man, did we get drunk.

We ran out of things to do at about 4am, so we must have listened to this supremely stupid album about a dozen times in all. I still know the entire Winkers Song off by heart.

Not surprisingly, media buyers for the real snake-oil salesmen seems to exercising restraint as a result, which means less of the original ‘you can sue somebody for free’ ads in the short term, so there is that.

BTW, what is it with the Pot Noodle new meedja approach (or lack of it)?

They go to all this trouble, but there’s no indication of the competition at their tediusly w-w-w-wacky website.

Maybe it’s got something to do with the fact that another company, Luminar Leisure, already owns notpoodle.com and notpoodle.co.uk – or maybe, just maybe, they don’t know or don’t care about this communications channel at all.

Given that their site has zero (and I mean zero) arming for search engines, I’d guess that it’s a little of both.

No reply from muchmusic.com about the possible origins of Mustard Man.

Yet.

But… I did find this woefully underpopulated and somewhat misguided support group in Yahooand this guy who calls himself Mustard Man, but, despite devoting his life to the condiment, still lacks the punchy pathos of our hero-in-waiting.

Time
10:47
Sorry I’m a day late with this news. I normally avoid The Sun because Rupert Murdoch is a (can’t bring myself to say it, sorry).

The chappie who was caught having sex with a goat by a trainload of passengers that stopped alongside his tin-sheeted lovenest denied it all, but was convicted on the strength of physical evidence – goat hairs in the underwear. Always a giveaway. They should make a commercial test kit for it.

Time
10:57
Sad loner andrew-washington.com has taken his ball and is going home. The site currently carries the message ‘Website removed until further notice due to infestation of juvenile delinquents’ etc. – but, and here’s the scoop, he was over at the B3ta Messageboard last night suggesting that he might set it up as some kind of pay-per-view thing. Good luck, Andrew.

(BTW, if you missed the original site, check out the increasingly useful Web Archive.)