Wednesday, January 17, 2007

I also love rock and roll and the latest TV shows; or, BSC Mystery #13: Mary Anne and the Library Mystery.

So, my mom got this for me for Christmas, cause you know, I’m library girl. And I’m apologizing in advance, cause I know I’m gonna get all ranty with this one. Cause, oh, it pissed me off…

The plot: Mary Anne’s all sad sack, cause Logan’s busy playing volleyball and Dawn’s back in Cali for six months, and Mal’s got mono, cause she sucks that hard. So, MA is lonely and bored and in-a-weepy-watching-Roman Holiday mood. So, to give her something to dü, she tells Mrs. Kishi she’ll help in the Children’s Room at the library for their Readathon program. But once she starts, someone keeps setting little fires by burning books! From the fifth grade reading list! And there are suspects, including the mean new children’s librarian! Nicky Pike! The book-banning protestors! The library ghost! Just kidding! No ghost in this one! But it turns out it’s one of the minor kids in the BSC universe.

So, seriously, what’s up with the whole ‘WE have to solve the mystery!” thing? I never once felt the need to actually attempt to solve a mystery. Sure, I may have played at it, or whatever, or daydreamed about it. And maybe I was a chickenshit, but faced with actually trying to solve a real mystery? OH HELL NO! One, I can’t really think of a real mystery I ever came across. And two, even if I did, I would not want to get involved with that shit! Leave it to the pros! And even if I did get all nebby (that’s for you PoBal) and try and get involved in the mystery, I certainly wouldn’t let my young baby-sitting charges stick their little noses in, dig?

Anyhoo.

Okay, in her “volunteer” position, Mary Anne teaches kids to use the card catalog (heh…old-timers!), and helps them find books (that’s called reader’s advisory, kids! And reference!) Seriously, if I were here, I’d be pissed I wasn’t get paid. Cause she’s doing the work of a professional, or at least (what we in the profession call) a paraprofessional…At least, they should let MA in the union, cause she’s working part time…AND SHE’S ONLY 13!!!!!! They’re letting her do all this shit without any training? What kind of shoddy operation is Mrs. Kishi running, anyway?

Oh, and book banning’s bad, m’kay? So is book burning…Yeah, there’s this group of protestors trying to get a whole list of books banned from the library…but, and this is the hilarious part, ANM totally glosses over the details…the BSC are all, I can’t see anything wrong with it…but no one ever says what’s objectionable about any of these books! And at the end, ANM is all “for more, info, contact ALA-OIF (that’s the Office of Intellectual Freedom of the American Library Association). I guess that’s the subplot of this one: banning books is bad! Suicide! Don’t do it!

Oh, and I doubt a bunch of dumbass baby-sitter girls who are only 13 can solve the mystery all by themselves…shut up bitches…

Okay, some fun fashion from your fave wannabe youthquakers:

“Claudia was wearing a big white shirt over a bright pink jumpsuit. Her earrings, also bright pink, were in the shape of flamingos. On her feet were pink high-tops. Stacey was wearing a red miniskirt, a red-and-white striped shirt, red heart-shaped earrings, and short black boots.” Okay, I’m losing my touch; aside from being crazy matchy (and the earrings), Stacey’s outfit actually sounds…cute [shocked gasps! Women fainting!]

[Also, I just read the Truth About Stacey graphic novel, and she looks wicked cute in it! It was surreal not being able to make fun of Stacey’s “sophistication.”]

Heh. Claudia criticizes the protestors outfits: “You should have seen some of the outfits these people were wearing. I mean, I wouldn’t even call them outfits. Nothing matched, everything clashed, and they obviously don’t know a thing about coordinating accessories.” Claud, love, we need to talk. Pot calling kettle black here.

Okay, there’s tons more to make fun of in this one, but it’s been painful enough…Seriously. Dying here. Ugh.

Oh, and the cover? Is that smoke? Or a ghost? I know the tagline is “Someone’s playing with fire—for real, but I totally thought it was a ghost story…What do you think?

The librarians take revenge on Mary-Anne after discovering she stole all their work, so they try to fatten her up Hansel and Gretel style before baking her into a pie but not before they realise that some stupid kid is burning their books and they get so tired trying to sort out all the books because they have such long titles that they just collapse into a pile...

Hey there! I randomly found your blog and I am so glad that I did, because it is the best thing ever. I grew up reading these books and never realized the sheer ridiculousness of the BSC until I re-read a bunch of them a couple of years ago. So thanks for the amusement, I'll be sure to check back frequently.

Oh yeah, the whole point with the Addison kids is that their parents are always dumping their kids into activities in order to carve out time for themselves. Basically, both Sean and Corey Addison just want their parents' love and attention but Mama and Papa hardly give them the time of day. Surprisingly by the end of the series, the Addison parents really haven't improved much despite the BSC's best efforts to reform them. Which is very strange given that the BSC can practically cure dying children with a twitch of their nose.

[blushes] I can't believe I remember all of this despite it having been years since I read the books.

Yup, I remember the day I flipped through a Baby-sitters Little Sister book and found a picture of Karen that was absolutely adorable. And then I flipped through another book and found another one!

Truthfully, in most of the BSLS books, she looks like a brat. Her grin just says, "Look at me! Look at me, listen to me, I'm wonderful, give me everything I want, I'm proud of "me" and you should be, too!" (specifically "Karen's Telephone Trouble").

But then there some books where she manages to out-cute everyone else on the page, and I have no idea where that Karen, who actually tends to look both friendly and pleasant, goes. I think maybe two different artists drew the pictures for those...

I was sad to look at this blog entry and realize that it actually wasn't a ghost story. I'll admit, some of the BSC ghost stories and the ones with creepy things happening (like in 'Beware, Dawn,' which I used to have to read in a brightly-lit room, or that Christmas special with the crazy girl who tries to kill someone - really happened!) were the only things that could scare me when I was about 15 (because before that I didn't have access to BSC books, or care; I was still playing with Barbies.)

lol, I should have read the comments before posting my last one...I wanted to reply to some of them...

About Sean and Corrie Addison -- yes, they were the neglected children from "Claudia and the Sad Good-Bye" (spoiler: that's the one in which Claud's grandma dies). Reading that one, I always felt bad for those kids; every time the kids' parents dropped them off, it was with this "aura" (of sorts) of being thrilled to get away from the kids (and they actually say this in front of the kids a bit, if I remember right). Claud finally stands up to the mom and tells her that her kids feel they're not important to their own parents, and the mom decides Claudia's right when she realizes that her kid hasn't bothered to bring any of her art projects home. Plus, she kept enrolling her kids in all sorts of activities, so she and her husband could "enjoy an afternoon to themselves." Even as a kid I thought that was a sucky thing to tell a random 13-year-old stranger or say in front of your daughter...