Main Menu

Sexual Identity

Relationships come in many forms. Learn more about sexuality and the different attractions and relationships people can have.

What is sexual identity?

Sexual identity or sexuality means how you experience and express yourself sexually – including who you’re attracted to and want to have emotional, romantic, and/or sexual relationships with.

It’s not known what exactly determines sexuality in people. But some researchers think that there might be things that happen in our bodies from very early in life that shapes our sexual identity.

There are many ways that people define their sexual identity. It is estimated that at least one in every 10 people in Australia identifies as LGBTIQA+ (not including those who are questioning their sexuality).

"Negative beliefs and attitudes are common in cultures and religions that only believe being straight is ‘normal’. It takes courage to be who you really are in a world that thinks being straight is the norm. Talk to someone you can trust if you ever feel confused, pressured or scared to be yourself." - Alex, Kids Helpline

How do I know what my sexual identity is?

Many people know from very young who they’re attracted to and the kinds of relationships they want to have. For others, it is an ongoing process of discovery that changes throughout their life.

The way you define your sexual identity can be the same all your life or might change as you get older. Some people choose not to define their sexuality at all.

Just because you define your sexual identity one way now, it doesn’t mean you can’t define yourself another way later on. This doesn’t mean you’re ‘confused’ or ‘choosing’. It just means you’re still learning about yourself, who you are attracted to and the kinds of relationships that feel right to you.

It’s normal to question your sexual identity, no matter how you identify. Feelings of uncertainty, confusion, and curiosity are a normal ongoing part of trying to understand who you are. For many people, this uncertainty is created by cultures, religions and people that believe sexual identity is a ‘choice’ or assume that being straight is ‘normal’.

But it is important to know that sexuality is NOT a choice. It varies from person-to-person and is a natural part of who you are. Everyone has the right to feel comfortable and to be accepted for who they are. Feeling comfortable to be yourself is important to your wellbeing.

Does questioning my sexuality mean I'm...?

Understanding yourself is a lifelong process, so it’s normal to feel uncertain or conflicted about your sexuality. But keep in mind:

The gender of people you are attracted to, have sexual thoughts about, or experiment with doesn’t automatically define your sexuality.

You don’t have to be dating or sexually active to know your sexual identity. You might be dating or sexually active and still not feel sure about your sexual identity.

You might have emotional and romantic feelings for people, but no sexual attraction or sexual interest in anyone, and this is OK too.

For some people, trying to make sense of their sexual identity can be confronting, confusing and emotionally difficult. These feelings are usually caused by homophobia or biphobia and are common when the attractions and relationships you have are not commonly accepted in your community.

For others, understanding their sexual identity, being themselves, and being around others like them is usually liberating and exciting.

We all have the right to be ourselves without needing to explain or justify this to anyone. Feeling pressure to hide who you are attracted to can feel very stressful. Like anyone that feels unable to be themselves, this can be stressful and lead to mental and physical health problems.

What can I DO to help me make sense of my sexual identity?

If you’re looking for ideas that might help you make sense of your sexual identity, here are a few suggestions that may help:

Learn more about LGBTIQA+ culture. Check out Internet articles, books, fiction, blogs, music, shows, and video games about their experiences.

Research online and local community events being held by the LGBTIQA+ community for people your age. It’s OK to attend as an ‘ally’ if you don’t want to share your identity.

It’s OK to have sexual thoughts, fantasies, or experiences involving people of the same sex or gender. Noticing these, and how they make you feel, may help you make sense of your sexual identity.

Talk to LGBTIQA+ people you know and trust about their experiences in making sense of their sexual identity. Some people also find it helpful talking to LGBTIQA+ people in online support communities.

For some people, discovering themselves is a process that can be confusing and stressful. If difficult feelings come up for you, it may be helpful to discuss these with a safe person or professional.

• If you need more professional support, contact or visit a LGBTIQA+ service or support service that works with people in this community.

Important Information for Teachers

It can be helpful to have a discussion with your class prior to the session to get them thinking about the topic (not essential).

Encourage your class to make comments and ask questions - the session is not about right and wrong, it's a discussion where everyone's thoughts are valid. It's equally okay not to speak up during the session, as long as students are listening (we emphasise this point because some sensitive issues can come up and students may need to process these silently).

If you show enthusiasm and interest in the session, from our experience, your class will too.

Although the sessions are pre-written, we make them as interactive as possible and have the capacity to be quite responsive to students' interest/needs. There is room for students to ask questions or raise issues that are off the chosen topic (the counsellor will make sure all the necessary information is covered during the session).

Students are usually quite excited to participate in these sessions and engage very well.

However, if you notice that your class is not engaging well in the session, please feel free to signal this to the counsellor and intervene to settle the class, mediate or "translate" some of the ideas into language or examples that you know your class will respond to.

Just a heads up, we use cookies to give you the best experience on our website and to help improve our service. By continuing to use kidshelpline.com.au, you are accepting the use of cookies. Learn more.