The Fall Guy (1981) s02e08 Episode Script

Hell on Wheels

(FINGERS SNAPPING)
COLT: # Well, I'm hot the kind to kiss and tell
But I've been seen with Farrah
# I've never been with anything
less than a nine, so fine!
# I've been on fire with Sally Field
Gone fast with a girl named Bo
# But somehow they just don't end up as mine
# It's a death-defying life I lead
I take my chances
# I die for a livin' in the movies and TV
# But the hardest thing I ever do
is watch my leading ladies
# Kiss some other guy
while I'm bandaging my knee
# I might fall from a tall building
I might roll a brand-new car
# 'Cause I'm the unknown stuntman
that made Redford such a star
(FINGERS SNAPPING)
# I've never spent much time in school
But I taught ladies plenty
# It's true I hire my body out for pay
# Hey, hey
# I've gotten burned over Cheryl Tiegs
Blown up for Raquel Welch
# But when I wind up in the hay
It's only hay
# Hey, hey
# I might jump an open drawbridge
Or Tarzan from a vine
# 'Cause I'm the unknown stuntman
that makes Eastwood look so fine #
Is my speed right?
Pick it up a hair.
Go for it!
Hang on, you dummy. Or should I call you Howie?
Cut! Print!
Very nice, Colt. Keep it up.
You're going to make me look real good.
We aim to please, Dave.
- Great job, Colt.
- Well, you, too, Jody.
- What about me?
- Well, you were all right, kid.
In fact, you were so good,
next time I'm going to let you blow up.
You never give me any real credit, Colt.
Yeah, well, let's just hope
the bank gets credit for today's work.
Preferably before I bounce another Exchequer.
No, that's not a problem. I've got it figured.
- He's got it figured.
- Look at this!
An executive Exchequer book,
double-entry ledger
and a complete computer print-out
of all your financial obligations.
- It's a foolproof system!
- I'm impressed, kid.
That's why I'm your manager.
I didn't take two years of accounting
for nothing, you know.
Howie, I'm impressed!
I didn't know you went to any college that long.
Well, actually, I took Accounting 101 at Wharton,
and then I took it again at Yale.
Yeah, that's the spirit, kid.
Keep doing it till you get it right.
You do have it right now?
I'm telling you, it's a foolproof system.
Your finances are organized, they're filed,
they're dated, and they're paid in full.
You mean we're really in the clear?
Well, as long as the cash keeps rolling in.
Speaking of which, you better return Terri's call.
Oh, we can't forget that.
That's part of the cash-rolling-in system.
- Right.
- Right!
What's she got for us this time?
A fugitive hit man?
Or a bail-jumping axe murderer?
No! Absolutely not! Terri promised!
No madmen!
Elizabeth McClosky left
Washington State prior to her hearing.
She's in violation of her bail.
She? Great!
(WHISTLES)
This is a fugitive from justice?
According to my friend Sam
from up north, she is, yes.
And he's gonna pay us to find her?
- What'd I tell you, Colt?
- Not so fast, kid.
- What's she up for?
- Assault and battery.
But it's worth $5,000 to you to get her
back to Washington State.
We'll take it!
I'm getting good at this.
All right. Here's an address,
in downtown Los Angeles
where she's supposed to be working.
Wait a minute, wait a minute. Hold on, kid.
Now, when something looks too good
to be true, it usually is.
But, Colt, we need the cash for my new system.
And besides,
this is gonna be a cinch!
(COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING)
HOWIE: Colt, what would a girl who looks like this
be doing with the roller derby?
COLT: I don't know, kid.
Weâll just have to go in and find out.
You know, it's starting to bother me.
Tall women, roller derby,
Terri and her simple jobs
- I think we got problems, kid.
- You're too suspicious, Colt.
Come on. Let's collect our five grand.
I guess the Titans are looking for new blood.
Yeah, and not a moment too soon. Let's go, kid.
(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)
Colt, tell me I don't see what I know I'm seeing.
I can't lie to a relative, kid. Even you.
HOWIE: That is this?
Suddenly assault and battery
doesn't seem so far-fetched.
That woman's a killer!
Next time Terri offers you a job
that's a cinch, pass!
Maybe we ought to talk to upper management
about changing the team colors
to black and blue.
So I said,
"Let's see you try that in a full body cast!"
Blew her away!
Excuse me, Miss McClosky.
Would you autograph your picture for me?
- Where'd you get this?
- This is you, isn't it?
- Yes, but this is not my publicity photo.
- Well, I'll explain it later.
- It's all clear, Colt.
- Let's go.
Hey, what is this?
HOWIE: just think of it as a free ride back
to Washington State.
- Let go of me!
- Those guys have got Liz!
We better hurry
or we're gonna have our hands full.
Hey, everybody! Come quick!
Two guys are trying to grab Liz!
(ENGINE REVVING)
Okay, let's get her in the truck.
Hey! Hey! Hey, that's my truck!
Tell it to the finance company.
- You can't do that!
- Next time, keep up the payments!
You planning to walk me back to Washington?
There they are! Let's get them, girls!
- Wait a minute! We can explain everything!
- Defend yourself, kid!
(GRUNTING)
How? They're women!
Well, remind them of that!
Help!
This ought to ease the pain, sugar.
Now, I've heard of running into trouble,
but a whole roller derby team?
Actually, it was only half the team.
Yeah, the women's half.
And they stole your truck?
Oh, no, that was repossessed out from under us.
I made the Exchequer out right on schedule.
- I just forgot to mail it.
- Great system, kid.
The system's perfect.
The problem is human error.
So, you just get your truck back
and then you go after her again. Right?
No. We get the truck second.
- I got a plan, Jody.
- Why are you telling me?
Because you're it.
You want me to fight the women's team?
Hey! It'll be fair. You'll be wearing equipment.
Colt, I played roller hockey, not roller derby!
Skates are skates.
Yeah, and wheels are wheels
and you guys got one loose.
Look, we need a spotter.
Someone who can get close to her,
let us know when we can pick her up.
HOWIE: Yeah, somebody they won't suspect.
And the Titans just happen to be
having women's teams try-outs today.
We saw the sign.
Yeah, besides, you're great on skates.
I've seen you in action.
And it's just until we pick her up.
Are you kidding? After what they did to you guys?
Remember, you got an important advantage.
- You're a woman.
- Yeah. You can hit back!
The only box-office draw we got,
a couple of guys trying to grab her?
Either of you find out anything about that?
Yeah. They said they had a warrant
to take her back to Washington.
Oh, damn! A couple of bounty hunters
out to bring her back for that Seattle thing.
The cops almost had me with the drugs
right there, you know.
At least they're not after us.
Well, they will be if they get her back
and she tells them what she knows.
Exactly. We can't afford to let that happen.
At least not before San Diego.
After we score there, it won't matter much.
Not to us, anyway.
I want somebody with her
24 hours a day until then.
You, whenever possible, Dave.
June, the rest of the time.
Without her there's no San Diego match,
I can tell you that.
There's no match, there's no buy.
Those two come back again, you know what to do.
Looks like you better
get yourself another spotter, Colt.
The competition looks like I lose and they win.
They're never going to hire me
over girls that size.
Yeah, we'll just have to even up
the odds a little bit.
You wait here. Come on, kid.
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
All right, girls, when you get inside
we're gonna need your name,
your address, your phone number,
your height, your weight, your next of kin,
and, please, try to be legible, okay?
Hey, you, babe. You been around the derby long?
No, but I'd really like to make it.
Yeah, I didn't think so, rookie.
Well, we probably could work something out
for a good-looking chick like you. Hmm?
Well, you know, this bunch doesn't look
as good as the load of cannon fodder
we picked up in Bakersfield,
which are all gone now.
They weren't even good enough
for blocking dummies
or the hospital bills we picked up on them.
Oh, which reminds me,
the team will no longer pick up certain injuries.
No noses, no sutures, no compound fractures.
Everything else we'll patch up ourselves.
Rookies will ride in the bus.
That way they can guard it
and clean it up at the same time.
- And usually fill in as drivers.
- When they're not serving dinners.
Or washing the uniforms.
Colt, you do nasty and lecherous real well.
Well, I learnt it since you moved in with me.
That's not nice! Not nice at all!
We'll be nice to the person who has my truck.
Looks like the odds have been cut down.
Come on, kid, let's get the truck.
All right, girls, we're gonna Oh?
Where is everybody?
I am everybody.
Oh, we usually get quite a crowd around here.
Oh. Jody Banks. Pleased to meet you.
Come on.
(WHISTLE BLOWS)
All right, now, listen up.
This is strictly substitute work,
but if you can handle it, you travel with the team
and maybe fill in every now and then.
It doesn't pay much, but it's a start.
Hey, all I want is a chance, Mr Jackson.
And you'll see, I got moves and I'm fast.
Well, you better have.
McClosky, you put Banks here through her paces,
and if she can survive
one-on-one with you, you got the job.
(WHISTLE BLOWS)
All right, get her a uniform. Let's go!
Hang on to your skate key, honey,
this is the big time.
JACKSON: Move the skates, girls!
Come on! Taking a cakewalk?
(GRUNT $3
JACKSON: That was good, Banks.
Gonna be that easy in a game?
(SHOUTS)
You gotta do better than that, Banks.
Gonna let her by, Mad Dog?
Undercut her! Undercut her!
Okay, honey. You're okay.
Just keep those elbows up. Come on!
Come on, Mad Dog, get off of it!
All right! Not bad, Banks!
I think we'll keep you around.
No, Banks, you don't have to
You gotta keep some of that energy
for the fans, Banks.
You got the job.
Oh, thanks, Mr Jackson. You won't regret it.
That's the good news.
The bad news is that you gotta room with her!
Welcome aboard, squirt.
And you can call me Elizabeth.
Okay.
Well, looks like our friend Harry's
closed on Saturdays, kid.
We're stuntmen, Colt.
You're not gonna let a minor technicality like that
come between us and your truck, are you?
Come on.
Where I'm from, a minor technicality like that
is called breaking and entering.
- Well, what do you want to do? Rent a car?
- Come on! They repossessed my truck.
That doesn't exactly give us
triple-A credit rating, does it?
Well, how about if we just leave
this Exchequer in that office over there.
Maybe they'll call it square. What do you think?
I think I'm going to get a new accountant.
Hey! You! Can't you read?
This is private property.
This is gonna be easier than I thought.
Good afternoon, sir.
We brought this money
to reclaim that truck up there.
Can it, sonny. Can it!
I couldn't take that even if I wanted to.
Which I don't.
The office opens at 8:00 a.m. Monday.
You gotta go through channels.
We don't have time to go through channels.
Oh? Better tell that to Fifi and Pierre.
(WHISTLING)
Fifi and Pierre?
(CHUCKLES)
What are they? A couple of guard poodles?
Where are you going?
To call the police.
Fifi and Pierre.
(GROWLING)
Get out of my way, kid!
(BARKING)
- Any suggestions, Colt?
- Yeah! Let's get out of here!
Hang on, kid!
(SIREN WAILING)
JODY: But I wanted to say goodbye.
COLT". Goodbye? What are you talking about?
Well, when I made the team,
I didn't figure on traveling.
Great! Now you can keep your eye on Mad Dog.
Her name's Elizabeth and she's my roommate.
Oh. Well, where are you
and your roommate headed?
San Diego on the team bus.
Some sort of heavy rivalry down there.
Well, traveling is good for the soul.
We'll be seeing you there.
Colt!
Look, do we really have to do this to Elizabeth?
I mean, I kind of like her
and I wouldn't feel right about arresting her.
Jody, it's what we do.
I didn't charge her with the crime.
For all we know she could be innocent.
But that's for the courts to decide.
Now, Look, it's just a bail warrant,
not a death sentence.
Yeah, well, a bail warrant
can be pretty serious to some people.
Look, Jody, we'll get down there
as soon as we can.
Okay. Bye.
Leave the book, kid, and pack a pair of socks.
We're going to San Diego.
(COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING)
Are you sure?
Yeah. I heard her talking on the phone
before we left Los Angeles.
She said something about a warrant.
Yeah, well, we're too close to the score
to rock the boat if we don't have to.
You keep an eye on her.
We got too much at stake
to lose it all now, right?
I can handle that just fine.
So, what made you get into roller derby, squirt?
Well, I always like a challenge.
And I guess I'm a bit of a ham.
- What about you?
- Oh, I just split with my husband.
I was about down to my last dollar
when Marv came along.
Pulled me out of the pits.
He gave me a chance to get my life together.
I really owe him a lot.
Sure, we're on the road most of the time.
But at least I can send money back.
Back? Back to who?
I got a four-year-old daughter. She's beautiful.
But I won't make you look at pictures.
Catch! It's getting cold out there.
Thanks, Liz.
(JODY GRUNTING)
Help! Help!
Please! Help!
Help! Help me!
(SHOUTS)
Are you all right, Jody? Did he cut you?
No, I'm okay.
Are you okay, Jody? Did he hurt you?
I'm okay. Elizabeth!
I think maybe Elizabeth could be the target!
- Are you okay, Colt?
- I'm all right.
I think he ruined my best shirt.
Did you get a look at the guy?
No. All I saw was a ski mask and a knife.
- Where's Jody?
- Oh, I stashed her in the kitchen.
She'll be safe there,
and the cook likes looking at her.
This looks like more than a street mugging.
I'm going to pull her off this case.
Hey, Mac! Out of my kitchen!
- Health Department.
- Yeah, sure!
- Colt!
- Oh, I get it. Her husband's out there, right?
It's something like that.
What are you, crazy for coming back in here?
That guy was trying to kill you!
Wait a minute. I don't think so.
Maybe he was trying to get Elizabeth.
I don't care who he was after.
Now, it's not worth you risking your life for.
You're going to hang up your skates.
(SIGHS) Listen, Colt,
Elizabeth could really be the target.
Now, I'm worried about her
and I'm going to stay here and protect her.
Protect her? Why?
Well, I like her. I really do.
Colt, this is really important to me.
All right, but we're gonna stick close-by.
Now if you need anything
Thanks.
ANNOUNCER". The thrills of roller derby return
to the Sports Arena!
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.
We're glad you're here.
What a show we've got for you tonight.
We've got the T-birds
in their white and green uniforms
against the Titans in red.
We're expecting an all-out war tonight.
As you well know, the T-birds lead on
the season series, two games to one.
Ladies and gentlemen, look!
You can see the hatred on their faces.
The viciousness, the intensity as they
skate here in the third period of our lap.
Oh, what a show we've got for you!
It's gone to individual combat now!
Man against man! Girl against girl!
And the elbows are flying at a rapid pace!
Look at her on her wallop!
And as we come down to the end of our match,
I can tell you this is one of the greatest
shows we've ever had here at the Arena
and you fans seem to be eating it up!
And, well, you should!
We've got only a few seconds left
in our skating derby.
And as we come down to the wire,
look at that scoreboard!
And that's it for tonight's game,
ladies and gentlemen.
All you folks be sure to come back
tomorrow night,
for the last game of the season
when the T-birds again take on the Titans.
Look, Elizabeth.
I know that you can probably break me in half,
but I'm going to have to level with you.
I'm not really a roller derby skater.
I'm more like an actress.
I do stunts in the movies.
So now you do this. No big deal.
No, listen to me.
When there's no work, I help out friends of mine.
Two friends, who are bounty hunters.
Those two guys in LA?
Yeah, but they're really stuntmen, too.
And to pick up some money we
So that's why you're here?
To pick me up for some money on the side?
Elizabeth, please.
Now, you assaulted that guy in Washington.
There had to be some reason.
Sure there was.
There were two of them and they were
jumping on Marv Jackson.
And Marv happens to be a friend of mine.
Then why were you arrested?
It turned out they were detectives.
Then they wanted me to
identify Marv and I wouldn't.
- What for?
- I don't know.
I didn't cooperate with them,
so they didn't exactly fill me full of information.
They charged me with assault,
to gain leverage, I guess.
You know, Elizabeth.
Maybe Marv is not that
great guy that you think he is.
Maybe the police really
do have a case against him.
Marv gave me a life to live.
Blind loyalty can be very expensive.
You really messed up, Robinson.
I mean, you really messed up!
Hey, that wasn't my fault, pal.
If those two guys hadn't come along
and stuck their noses in
Well, the point is, she's still around.
That's not healthy for any of us, is it?
Hey, Dave did his best.
Well, it wasn't good enough, was it?
I mean, Jody Banks is still around.
She's setting up Mad Dog.
Well, why don't you just fire her?
Because if we do,
they might just scoop up Mad Dog.
I don't want her around any cops now.
I don't care what she does after tomorrow.
- Mad Dog isn't going to talk to anybody.
- Well, I don't care.
We'll have made our last deal by then.
I'll be out of the country for good.
Last game. Last deal.
And when do we get our cut?
The usual way. I make the deal during the game
and you get your cut right after.
- If
- If what?
If we get rid of Jody Banks first.
You get her while you're on the rink.
You know, accident. Accidents can happen.
Kill me?
Where'd you get that idea?
Someone came after me with a knife.
And I was wearing your jacket.
Well, I'm sorry that happened.
But he could have been after
your wallet or your body.
- Let's get back to this warrant.
- Okay.
Okay. Sooner or later, you are going to
have to face those charges in Washington.
And even if my friends and I forget all about it,
the computers at the courthouse will not.
And people are going to come after you
and you're never going to
have a moment's peace.
And maybe they'll even find you
when you're with your daughter.
How would you like that,
if they arrested you when you were with her?
Listen, honey. Tell you what.
Tomorrow, after the match,
I'll go get my pay Exchequer and my season bonus.
Then I'll go with you anywhere.
Back to Washington, anywhere you want.
Okay.
Enough of this. Let's celebrate.
Let's get some junk food.
(CHUCKLING)
ELIZABETH: I'll be there in a minute, Jody.
Okay.
Help!
Oh, no!
Colt!
- You okay, squirt?
- Elizabeth, wait!
Which one of these guys has the knife?
These are my two friends.
The ones I told you about.
- Los Angeles?
- I just wanted an autograph.
This is Colt and that's Howie.
I'll admire you from here.
I'm sorry, fellas.
I just saw Jody being pulled in here, and
Well, what would you say to a fresh start?
Over drinks?
(COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING)
There you go.
Well. The two of you seem to
have built up quite a friendship.
I don't know you well enough to take your word,
but I will take Jody's.
If she wants to give you another day, you got it.
But we're still gonna hang around
to make sure everybody's safe.
- Thank you.
- Oh, don't be grateful so quick.
Somebody is still trying to kill you.
Yeah, maybe a jealous teammate
or some guy you wouldn't go out with
or a crazy fan.
Maybe it had something to do
with that assault in Seattle.
Why were the cops after Jackson?
I didn't ask. I didn't care.
Yeah, well, I think I'd like to know.
Kid, give Terri a call. She started all this.
She can at least check that out.
Okay.
I don't wanna make any trouble for Marv.
Things are tough enough with the Titans
and we're all waiting for some big money
after our match with the T-birds.
They draw big money
and it's our last pay Exchequer till next year.
You know, Marv Jackson was at both places
that seem to cause you trouble.
Could be a coincidence,
but I find that hard to believe.
Look, we'd better get back to the hotel
before they accuse us of breaking training.
It'll all be over after tomorrow afternoon, okay?
Thanks for the beer.
Hey, you two be careful.
Drugs! Drugs is a noun.
Fill me in with adjectives and verbs.
Okay. The Seattle police ran in on a drug buy.
When they went for the seller,
Mad Dog McClosky leveled them.
They lost the guy and they busted her.
Do they know who the guy is?
No, but apparently this was no small-time arrest.
He was dealing in hundreds of thousands
of dollars worth of stuff from Mexico.
If I get them their man,
will they trade for Elizabeth?
Yes, I think they'd be delighted
to make a deal with her.
In fact, they've already offered it to Mad
Elizabeth.
All right, you play middleman and confirm it.
- I'll handle this end.
- How?
Now you're talking Indian.
Does Terri really want me to handle her accounts?
We're playing cops and robbers, kid,
not bookkeepers.
What's so important
that it can't wait till after practice?
I wanna ask you some questions
about Marv Jackson.
I don't wanna answer any questions about him.
Yeah, well. I wanna ask you a couple.
Just where does he keep his contracts,
his deal memos and his travel cash?
In his safe. It travels with us, office to office.
He carries a safe?
Well, we're not exactly the T-birds, you know.
We need cash to travel.
Most teams just make expenses.
Now, why does he need a safe?
Maybe he's just a good businessman.
Maybe he's a major drug dealer!
I don't believe it.
You've been talking to those Seattle cops.
Well, they lied to you!
Yeah, but too many things add up
right to dismiss them easily.
Look, Seavers,
I'll live up to my end of the deal.
I'll go back to Seattle with you.
But you stay away from me
from now till the game is over or the deal is off!
Colt's being honest with you.
He's just trying to help.
Well, I don't need any help. On the track or off.
You, watch her every minute.
- You come with me.
- What are we going to do?
I'm gonna do a safe.
You're gonna help set it up for me.
I don't know anything about safe cracking.
Yeah, well, I'll teach you.
First we gotta buy some gear.
You're gonna need a tie and some eyeglasses.
Come on.
You're what from who?
I'm your 12:00 appointment.
Benny Filmore. Roller Derby World.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Roller Derby World.
The cover story on you and the Titans.
There must be some mistake.
You better believe there's a mistake.
I never heard of you or your magazine.
All right. Fine.
Iâll just have to write the article
without any interviews.
Why write any articles at all?
Have you got something against success?
The publicity will be great for the Titans.
It'll improve your gate.
Look, it's mostly that the things I say
have a way of being misunderstood, you know?
And, also, I don't like having my picture taken.
I'll settle for just the players.
If you'll allow me to do that,
then I won't even mention your name.
It's the last game. Okay.
Okay.
HOWIE: So let me ask you, do you eat meat?
Sure. Yeah, we eat raw meat before every match.
Builds up the blood lust.
I told your friends to leave me alone.
He wants to know about roller derby?
Let's show him on skates.
No, thank you. I'm not much of a skater.
- Well, it's a good time to learn.
- Let's get him some skates.
(BEEPING)
Hang onto him.
Okay, okay.
(EXCLAIMS)
Support him. Don't let him fall.
Easy does it. Easy.
- I think that's enough.
- Hey!
(EXCLAIMING)
Howie, stop playing around. We got work to do.
You broke our deal, Seavers.
And I think I'll do the same thing.
There was 120,000 bucks in Jackson's safe.
Now, isn't that a little heavy for a team payoff?
Why does it have to be for drugs?
There is a possibility
it could be for something legitimate.
Are you going to have to see
a police file before you believe me?
I don't care. I owe him.
Look, he's got that money here to make a buy.
Now, all the Titans mean to him
is a cover for his drug operations.
And I want to nail him in the act.
Well, don't expect me to help.
The game's in an hour.
We keep our eyes on Marv. He moves, we move.
ANNOUNCER". The visiting Titans in red,
trying to avenge last night's heartbreaking loss
right here at the Arena.
And this crowd is on its feet
again already tonight.
Not many jams going on.
I think that's because of
the great elbow-blocking,
the wide hip-checking, the elbows that
are thrown so viciously and so often.
But these girls know how to skate.
They know how to protect themselves
and they're doing a great job.
And as they now try to form a little bit of a jam
There's nothing there!
We get a whip! It sends her to the outside.
But she's immediately picked up by a blocker
and Mad Dog cannot fight her way through.
Oh, this is skating at its best!
We think that at the Sports Arena here,
week after week
we give you roller derby cards that are
second to none in the United States.
And once more the big blonds tries to get by,
but that husky battler up front
just won't let her get through.
And again we are glued to
the elbowing that's taking place.
Sometimes it's legitimate. Sometimes it isn't.
But how can one referee
watch all these gals at the same time?
You know it's impossible!
- Mad Dog does/ff seem very happy tonight
- Okay, June, you're in.
and she's got a scowl on her face
as she comes to the interior of the rink.
- If that's
- So, what's with you tonight?
You're not concentrating on the game.
Are you?
Or are you just waiting to make your buy?
What are you talking about?
Nothing. Never mind. I won't give you away.
âMad Dog a good one.
Coach Marv Jackson has got
a very perturbed look on his face
after that confrontation with Mad Dog.
He seems visibly shaken
as his Titans go after a split on this
weekend series with the T-birds.
- And it might be said again
-Watch the guy in the grey suit.
Now you stay with him. I've got Marv.
And the T-birds, as you well know,
are regarded around the world
as one of the great units ever
in roller-derby history.
And they want to keep
that championship form going.
And they do not want to lose
to these Titans tonight.
There we are!
That's the end of period number two.
46 to 40! Wow! What a period!
Don't go away, the third period coming up.
Do avail yourselves, though,
ladies and gentlemen, to the refreshment stands.
Hey! Dave! June! Wait!
I want you to play-manage the last period
and I'll close out the powder deal.
Why don't we just all split together?
We got problems, man.
Mad Dog knows all about our drug deals.
Well, she'll talk!
She says she won't, but, either way,
I can't trust her any more.
- Dave, you gotta handle her.
- There won't be time before the buy.
Then do it on the rink, Robinson!
- In front of an audience?
- That's the best place.
You'll hear the announcer.
No-holds-barred grudge match.
Everybody on the rink at once.
It's a dangerous place.
Somebody might get her neck broken.
Maybe even two people.
See if you can do some nice,
permanent damage, Robinson.
We've gotta buy some time.
ROBINSON: I think we can arrange that.
ANNOUNCER". Ladies and gentlemen,
your attention, please!
As you know, this is the last period of the season.
And the Titans and the T-birds have agreed
to settle their blood feud
in a special no-holds-barred grudge match
during this final period.
Yes, all skaters, men and women,
will be up for the battle of a lifetime!
Our referee's down in the center of the rink,
he'll blow his whistle.
(BUZZER BUZZING)
And what may be the most vicious
period of roller derby in history
will take place right now,
here for your edification.
They've already started slugging I': out up there.
Any hold is legal.
And you know that somebody? going to get hurt
and we implore you to stay in your seats,
as roller derby takes
a very definite change of pattern.
Oh! Look at that elbow!
And down on the seat of his pants he goes!
Men and women out there,
pummeling each other at the same time.
I don't know how many of these guys or
gals will be able to finish this entire period!
I don't think they're even thinking
about the score any more.
Are you? Pulling hair!
Gauging! Elbowing!
Every dirty trick in the book
is being exhibited here tonight.
We wonder if you like it.
Well, if you do, let us know,
with your postcards and letters,
because we've got another great season
coming up next year.
Remember!
This grudge match is a voluntary basis.
The ability to absorb punishment
like you see being dished out,
almost defies imagination.
(AUDIENCE CHEERING)
They're professionals! They're great skaters!
Usually it's poetry in motion!
And now they've turned to gouging, pulling hair
Look at those 'two
- I lost him, Colt.
- Don't worry, I found him.
He's in there.
That's gotta hurt.
Such punishment like that,
we have never seen it before at
roller derby and I doubt that you have
JACKSON: Has he taken care of our two girls yet?
MAN: He's gonna wait till they see you
in the stadium.
So we can leave in a hurry.
That's the kind of action
you'll see again next year,
perhaps, it your letters and postcards demand it.
The people are going into the rail,
they're going over the rail.
They're going across the center of the rink,
coming up from the other side!
- Hold it!
-just wanted to know if you had a match?
- Very original.
- Isnât it?
Colt, that guy's got red hands!
COLT: Yeah,
so does anybody that touches that money.
I dusted it with gentian violet.
Turns your hands red, won't wash off for days.
ANNOUNCER". One thing that you've noticed,
ladies and gentlemen, I'm sure, is the
Watch him!
And as the men go after the men
and the girls go after the girls,
you don't know what's going to happen,
so stay back away from the edge of the rink.
out of here on all sides. And I know that
you can't watch the entire rink at one time.
These girls and guys aren't going to
be able to walk or talk,
don't think, for the next month.
And as they settle down here
in this final series of the season
to some serious-looking fighting
and out-fighting!
And, of course, some great skating!
You're being treated to something that
probably will never be seen again anywhere
in the world, so far as roller derby is concerned.
Oh! On the far side! Did you see that uppercut?
That gal over, that big blonde, she really
knocked the brunette flat on her back
and skated away as though
nothing has happened.
1 wouldn't doubt that she broke
her hand when she did that.
- Gee, this is a war to end all wars!
- Watch it, mister!
MAN: Hey, do you mind? Get off my feet.
WOMAN: Get out of here!
- Hey, watch it!
-jerk!
action down below.
They are intrigued by this type of skating,
it would appear.
A sock to the side of the head,
and the blonds goes down
to the interior of the rink.
And now over against the rail.
It's man against woman.
What's going to happen in this one?
He certainly wouldn't hurt her, would he?
Don't you ever kid yourself!
Of course they would hurt each other!
As long as one team's got on the white and green
and the other's got on the red, they are enemies!
And now here is a stranger down on the track.
Stranger, nothing!
That's manager Marv Jackson!
That's Marv Jackson of the Titans!
I don't know where he's going,
but he must be late for his plane.
Marv Jackson's carrying a suitcase.
And we've got another spectator
on the track now,
as Jackson cuts across, running for
Maybe he's going to the airport
Nope, he sets down, kind of hides
behind a platform over there.
Out of the rink,
meanwhile goes a big, beautiful blonde!
She lands flat on her face
Don't think about it, buddy.
And here's Tigerman,
Dave Robinson of the Titans.
He's out! Starts a fight, gets back onto the rink
And now here comes Robinson around the track,
and he is flipped onto the infield
and he appears to be knocked cold!
David Robinson of the Titans!
Oh! How much longer can this thing go on?
We've got minutes to go
in this final period of the season
and in case you just walked in
the side door or something off the street,
remember, as we told you from the beginning,
all holds are legal and everybodys
COLT: Stop him, Elizabeth, he's getting away!
Oh! A slashing pop into the midsection,
throwing him into the sky by the Mad Dog.
And that's Marv Jackson that's down!
Marv Jackson, the manager,
was struck by one of his own players
Good shot, Elizabeth.
Mend he lays his head
resting now on his suitcase
I think you just elbowed your way to freedom.
Marv Jackson in dreamland and the war goes on!
HOWIE: Colt, is this really necessary?
COLT: Well, you can't be a good stuntman
without knowing how to skate, Howie.
Good, kid, good. Now try it standing up.
Don't listen to him. You're doing fine.
Howie, how can anybody who wants to
be a stuntman not be able to roller-skate?
I am a stuntman.
- I guess I'll be off skates for a while.
- Oh, I don't think so.
You did help in Jackson's capture
and you're going to testify against him.
I think you'll be skating right along.
Hey, Elizabeth, why don't you give him a lesson?
The whip! Give him the whip!
(EXCLAIMING)
Not again!