MissRon’s Theories of the Final Season of FALSE SUCK

Over the last 6 seasons, I have watched and headdesked right along with all of you. What the writers are doing to the show is even worse than what CH did to the books… and I did NOT think that was at all possible. I have been formulating theories and ideas as it progressed but have never bothered to write anything down because it was more a fun game really, but as S7 is now upon us and fast coming to a close, I decided to throw these out there because, well, why not!

I am fairly certain I will be wrong about A LOT of this but heck, it is fun to speculate. So please, feel free to read along. This shall certainly be fun to read back over once the final episode has aired, to giggle and laugh at what is, hopefully, all very wrong theories based on the fact the True Blood writers are actually A LOT smarter than we gave them credit for and they are the us of the red-herring.

1. (This contains How I Met Your Mother Spoilers. If you have not seen the final ep of HIMYM then please go the #2 or skip to the second paragraph for the TB bit.. Believe me, this is relevant to my theories)

Ok, as we all now know, Robin was always who the writers intended for Ted to end up with. There was just one teeny tiny problem; the show got way more popular than they expected. They thought it would maybe get 5 seasons and a Robin ending at that time would have seemed possibly logical. Unfortunately, we got a lot more seasons, seasons filled with stuff so much more awesome than a Robin ending. So when the writers went, “eh, screw it! We are doing it anyway!”, it were as though they were spitting in the face of all the fans. C’mon! Robin and Barney were perfect!!! Grrrr.

Anyhoo, I think the TB writers were faced with the same thing. I think they honestly thought they would only get only a few seasons so kept Bill around so it would seem logical when Sookie eventually chose him. (There was just something about the last few eps of season 4 that had me thinking Sookie would have chosen Bill instead of no one. The look after she had healed Eric of his amnesia for one). Yeah, Bill was an arse and he was the cause of so many terrible things happening to Sookie, (beaten, lied to, almost drained in the boot of a car, used her as bait, etc etc), but at that point he wasn’t necessarily evil, just a giant doucheturd. Unfortunately, (or fortunately), the show was renewed so the writers had to come up with new ways to put the characters in dramatic situations. Just like CH, the writers KNOW we all prefer Eric, (simply because the future Mr Ron is such an amazing actor that he can tell a whole story with a look while poor Stephen overacts Bill worse than a child-actor playing Annie), so chose to make him the hero and turned Bill into the Big-Bad in season 6 and even more untrustworthy in season 5. They withhold from us what we really want though; an E/S HEA because Bill was always the endgame. One teensy problem with this now however; this ending no longer seems logical. BECAUSE of s5 & s6, if Sookie chooses Bill now, she is just going to seem like a moronic blond doormat. The writers are going to need to pull something HUGE, (that’s what she said), out of the bag if they intend to redeem Bill in the eyes of the fans and make the choice logical.

The other thing I read somewhere and I wish I had saves the link, was that the writers were a bit like CH in that they were miffed that Anna and Alex had better chemistry than Anna and Stephen….her husband! Them being so good, which i thought was the point of hiring actors, meant that no matter what the writers wrote, Anna and Alex always played the subtext of the scene beautifully and showed so much emotion in such tiny scenes .

2. The posters which were released, while catchy-phrases for the final season of a Vampire show, and repeated over several characters, I think reveal the fates of some of our beloveds. I have fun theories based on these, events which have played out over the show, and inklings I am getting from bits I am hearing of what is happening in this final season.

Bill = He has two. One, “Meet the True End” and “This Will Hurt”. Both posters are the same and he is holding a muddy shovel. The first, I think Bill will kill Eric, on Eric’s request, to ‘stop him from suffering’. That weird bromance they had going on in S5 is going to come back I think. OR, it could still relate to theory number two as follows. The second, Bill is going to turn Sookie. Just a massive hunch I’ve had but it’s a feeling that isn’t going away. Whether they stay together is anyone’s guess. Could be that he turns her and gets killed, or she resents him, we can only hope, but Bill draining Sookie and turning her is just what I’m expecting. More interesting theory, perhaps it is his OWN grave he is digging, metaphorically speaking, and finds himself dead/banished/who the f*** cares but there is gonna be some serious biting at Sookie action before seasons end.

Sookie = “End of the Fairy Tale” and she is wearing what looks like a bridal gown. Corpse bride anyone? Nothing further to be said. Unless she dies. Not sure I care anymore.

Eric = “Rest in Peace” and “Take One Last Bite”. 1. Yeeeeeeah. My future husband is going to bite the dust. OR 2. He will in fact live, have one last beautiful moment with Sookie, before SHE dies / is turned by Bill and becomes his personal travel mug.

Pam = “Heads will Roll” and “Off With Their Head”. I think she is going to be a major badass this season and could be the one that saves them all. It could even be she who ends Eric on his request / command. The rumours of a tall blonde actor being cast to play the husband for a lead actress in the show could be a red-herring and we may in fact have Pam turn an Eric look-alike or something similar. I think she is being set up to be Eric 2.0. She will assume responsibility of Willa and will open a Fangtasia-like place, only classier, and she will be the one on the throne and Willa will be her second. I would not at all be surprised if one of the last scenes we have of Pam is several years in the future, sitting on her version of a throne, and Willa by her side, mirroring that glorious scene from S1 when Sookie first met Eric. I don’t think the writers would be cruel enough to kill off Pam and or Willa. Willa, from what I saw of her last season, is oddly endearing. What Eric did to her was extremely sucky, pun intended, and completely out of character and yet she seemed to become a fairly decent vampire and didn’t resent him in anyway. (Sounds like this is changing now though more resents that he left rather than that he turned her). Plus, the poor girl hasn’t had a chance to bang him yet. Isn’t that what makers/children do? I mean, c’mon! Speaking of, the idea that at some point Jessica and Bill may have gone at it is one I carefully keep locked away and not think about for fear I will never eat food again from all the throwing up that would occur.

Alcide = “Packing Up For Good”. Yeah, I so knew he was going to bite the bullet. I just didn’t realise it would be so soon…..or so literally. Yes it’s a fun pun on the fact he is part of a pack but still. Also, why is he the only shirtless one of the boys? The rest of the guys are in suits but Alcide is shirtless. I want to see my honey all naked and unclothed please, not the wolf. I guess the fact he died naked is probably the reference here.

Jason = “End of All Bad Things”. I think our boy will be settled down by finale close, closing the chapter on his play-boy ways. A literal end of him doing ‘bad’ things.

Sam = “The Shape of Things to Come”. Somehow, methinks in the future he is possibly going to be head of a new Supernatural council and will represent the Supes of the world…..he is indeed the representation, the ‘shape’ of things to come. It’s also a fun play on the fact he can change shape.

Tara = “This will Hurt”. Once there was reconciliation between her and her Momma I knew she was going to bite the dust and seeing this poster just confirmed it. Still haven’t quite figured out why she is posed like she is participating in light bondage. Could this be some kind of reference to the fact she is ‘bound’ to the physical realm and unable to move on? Bound to her Momma? Bound to annoy the crap out of me either way?

Jessica = “Take One Last Bite” and she is all sexy posed, almost post-sex happy looking and covered in blood. Our girl is going to be gone by season end methinks and I wouldn’t be surprised if it isn’t suicide or she asks someone to stake her.

Lala = “Goodbyes are a Bitch”. I could swing either way here. I really don’t think he will get killed off. The poor boy has had enough crap in his life, (who in Bon Temps hasn’t), but for some reason it hits harder with him. I think this is twofold: saying goodbye to his cousin and saying goodbye to Bon Temps. Why he hasn’t gotten the hell outta dodge before now I will never know because he is just too darn good for that town.

Now some people didn’t seem worthy of a poster: Arlene, Willa, Andy, Holly to name a few even though Arlene and Andy have been there since day dot but my theories are as follows:

Arlene = She won’t die because of the kids aspect but she will finally have true love. Ironically I think it will be with a Supe. I’ve heard rumours there is a vampire on the horizon? Does not surprise me one little bit.

Andy = He and Holly will get hitched. For crying out loud, someone in that town HAS to have a happy ending.

Willa = See above re Pam. However, I would not be at all surprised if SHE doesn’t become the new spokesperson for the AVL. Political background, beautiful, southern manners, not a complete bitch; she is a hell of a better choice than Nan that’s for sure!

So that is it so far. As I hear more rumours I may formulate more theories, who knows! Either way, I’ve had more fun thinking all this up than I did reading about Bill being all, *gags*, “heroic”.

3. Most of you would have seen this poster, released ahead of season 7.

As soon as I saw it, it reminded me of this poster:

This is the movie poster for Black Dalia, about a woman who was brutally murdered. Hmmmmm. Gee they look awfully similar. Wonder what might happen to Sookie this season? My turning theory is looking even more solid…….

4. 21/07/14 – So yeah, looking at the episode titles for the last few episode:

One Last Time

Getting Closer…. To the Ground

Love is to Die

Thank-you

Yeah, getting closer to the ground huh? As in perhaps buried? As in being turned? And who else would turn Sookie for love? Bill. Eric would ask first. I am now torn as to who turns her but either way, I am still feeling a Sookie becomes vamp ending. And whoever it is, she is grateful to……..