I just want something I can never have

you.
never.
know.

Sunday, May 31, 2015

Too much

At the bus stop the other day this girl approached me, and she said “I’m
sorry but haven’t I seen you at the dog shelter?” That was more than a couple
of years ago and I volunteered for only three months and yet she remembered me
and I had no memory about her. I don’t recall any of the people there but then
again I only had eyes for the dogs. I am not a people's person. I might get along with people but it still doesn't come naturally to me.

The “company” dog Ray isn’t well. A few days ago his back legs stopped
working. He was given some medicine but the effect was poor. I guess he crawls
somehow because in the morning I find him a few meters away from where I’ve
left him in the evening. Yesterday I went to the vet and he gave me injections I
had to put on the dog. I’d never done that but I had no choice so I did it. And
now I’m hoping for a miracle. In a few hours I’ll be at the office to check on
Ray and feed him and I so much hope to see him walk again.

I feel my face frozen in a sad mask and I try to loosen my muscles but to no avail.

Update: There's no change in Ray's condition. Hope was tiny anyway. I am afraid I must consider putting him down. His fur is soaked in his urine for fucks's sake!

Sunday, May 17, 2015

Happy birthday, Trent Reznor!

Saturday, May 16, 2015

For the record

At first I was very unhappy with my Meet-and-Greet Gdansk picture. My hair is a mess, I look somewhat stressed, and Shannon, who had a smile on his face the whole time, is dead serious in that picture (I am sure it's nothing personal...and yet) but all in all the result could have been much worse (although I don't think anything can top the fiasco that my first Meet-and-Greet photo from Cologne was. I didn't show it to anyone and I never will.) I was unhappy about it mostly because I thought it was my last with the guys but now that I know that Gdansk wasn't my last 30STM concert, I decided the picture wasn't that bad after all. So here it is, Thirty Seconds to Mars Meet-and-Greet, Gdansk, Ergo Arena, May 4th 2015:

Thursday, May 14, 2015

Let's celebrate!

Saturday, May 09, 2015

Dubai it is

It's in the title. September 25th, Dubai World Trade Centre Arena, Thirdy Seconds to Mars. I already have a concert ticket, flying ticket and hotel reservation. And there's no going back. No matter how frightened I am to go there the alternative of a safe and boring future is much more frightening. I need something to look for, something to challenge myself with, something to excite me - and I need it as I need air to breathe. I need life in my living.

"What is your emotional IQ" quiz

Wednesday, May 06, 2015

Touchdown

I landed at Sofia airport 3 hours ago but am I happy to be back? Here's a hint: it isn't "Y". Right now, in the safe atmosphere of my favorite café I am contemplating my next concert trip. Not that there are any options at all - there's just one concert available. It is for September 25th (my mother's birthday BTW), and it is in...Dubai. A destination I have never considered heading to. To put it bluntly the whole Middle East area scares the shit out of me. If the circumstances were any different I wouldn't go there even if I were to be paid. But! The circumstances aren't different, they are as they are: 30 Seconds to Mars have just one more concert scheduled, it is in Dubai and that's it. I have no choice.My father would say that I have a choice and it is not to go. But that won't do. I am addicted to happiness and I can't let any chance for it to pass me by. Not without a fight.

Saturday, May 02, 2015

May the fourth be with you :)

Friday, May 01, 2015

Enter, magic

Even the dullest of moments could become magical with the right soundtrack.I am flying to Gdansk tomorrow - again, this time for the real thing. And, though I am sure it hasn't changed in a month, it will be so different now with the city brimming with fans and the air buzzing with sweet excitement. Right now it feels so good to be me :)Did I mention that I have a side-of-stage ticket and I will do a backstage tour? My head spins ;)