Anxiety Attack

I think I may have had one last night. (I’ve never had one before, so I’m not sure what it feels like.)

I was laying in bed, both my kids were asleep, and I was scrolling through my Netflix. I came across a movie called Mona Lisa Smile that had Julia Roberts and a bunch of other really popular actresses that I like, so I though, “Why not?”

I hit play and started watching.

Then, about twenty minutes into it, I got this awful feeling. My stomach tensed up into knots, and I could feel my heart racing. And there was just this sense… this, “Oh man. Something bad is going to happen.” I even texted my brother to make sure he was okay, then I set the alarm on the house and made sure all the doors were locked.

It was almost maddening how anxious I became. I was literally lying in bed, watching a simple movie, and even yawning from how tired I was. But, I just couldn’t go to sleep. My racing heart and knotted stomach refused to let me relax enough to fall asleep. And I had no idea why I was so panicked.

I must have stayed in my bed like that for over an hour.

Finally, the movie was over, so I switched to some reruns of Friends. I’ve seen that show so many times I can practically recite it, but I still watch it all the time.

Then, around midnight, I was finally able to fall asleep. I didn’t feel any less calm. I think I was just so exhausted from the previous night of not sleeping and the long day of working and taking care of the kids.

I woke up this morning not really remembering anything until I was halfway through teaching a class. Something in our chat reminded me of the movie, which reminded me of the panicked feeling. Now, I feel unsettled again. Not quite as bad as last not, but still not normal.