Sir Paul proud of being a 'former Beatle', calls Ringo 'a tosser'

Paul McCartney, 66-year-old founding member of the Beatles, is reportedly proud of being referring to in the media as a 'former Beatle' and has no objection to the press continuing to do so.

When asked by reporters for a reaction to Ringo's much-publicised ban on autographing Beatles memorabilia for stalkers, former Beatle Sir Paul snorted: "He's bloody lucky anybody chases after him, if you ask me. Funny looking little fellow, we always thought. Couldn't sing his way out of a sick cat."

"Guy's a tosser, really," concluded the knighted former Beatle.

A pre-Halloween séance was held last night by overenthusiastic Beatles fans on a Penny Lane pedestrian walkway where the ashes of former Beatle George Harrison, died age 58, are said to have been scattered.

Those present report an eerie, mellow voice that agreed with Sir Paul, then politely asked if fans would "please stop playing 'My Sweet Lord' over and over at these damn things".

Apparently, the repetitive lyrics were giving the former Beatle a headache.

Non-Beatle Ringo Starr could not be reached for comment as he was 'too busy' nailing up slats on the windows of his Knightsbridge mansion.

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