Stump Grinding For Beginners (NEAT-O)

Heather Mills McCartney's raunchy, semi-autobiographical novel due out soon catalogues the life of a second-rate porno actress catapulted to fame without a safety net, after colliding with an unfortunate police motorcyclist who was not part of the movie. After a short marriage to a hugely rich older man with a full complement of limbs, she sued for divorce and was awarded a very, very big safety net by the courts.

The reason for the delay in publication is a legal wrangle over the chapter titled "Henry the horse dances the waltz", as some of the lewd acts described are prohibited by law in several US states and Lapland, who only recognise reindeer in the role.