Working on it.

Morphing

Wierd .. the meds change is kicking in. Very odd …. removing one med slowly. “Head meds” are strange – from my experience anyway – in that when you add them, then take them away they never leave what they affected untouched. That make sense to you ? So I’m changing back to a mental state I was in some months ago yet my path there is not the same path that got me there and when I get there I will again not be the same.
Back when I was a nurse, there was a large change in medications prescribed to the clients across the hospital. This was due to a number of reasons; old meds had been superceded, new meds were promised to be cheaper (they lied) and side-effects were fewer (but nastier .. they never said much about that) and as part of this huge change over, I had to read a lot. More than one significant study showed that people who had taken certain neuroleptic meds for a period of time still had that chemical present in the blood many many many months after it was stopped. It had dissolved into and been retained by various body tissues, leeching back out incredibly slowly. So when my psych says to stop taking the tablet, it does not mean that I will not be affected by it any longer.
Looking at the longer term to now, arguably I am what I was + the concoction I have taken in. This arguably renders any future interventions as tainted does it not ?

Had to buy some gloves for the gym today. Yesterday my grip while working out wasn’t great due to sweating and doing a bench press type move over my head the barbell did not feel safe so gloves it is.

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8 thoughts on “Morphing”

I feel very much like that about my meds, everynow and then I have to go through the changing type/manufacturer etc and I just find myself wondering how much difference is it really going to make after months and months of taking the same one twice a day every day…

I’m working my way toward taking a minimum dosage. At one time, I was taking 375mg of my brain candy per day. Now I’m down to 75mg, and I hope to be at 37.5mg in a couple of months.

I suffer from some nasty withdrawals, however, mostly in the form of headaches, nausea, fatigue, emotional highs and lows and auditory symptoms. (No, I don’t hear voices :razz:) Other than that, it’s okay. LMAO!

I hate how others around me have been negatively affected by my med reductions. It’s been tough on my kids, my friends, and my online friends, too. The lowest points in my so-called blogging career are directly related to this. Unfortunately, I have burned some bridges, and it seems unlikely that I will get the chance to make amends and move forward. Such is life, I guess.

craig – there are no burning bridges, in fact they aren’t even smouldering :)
I can’t know all that has happened but then although you see a bridge as having been engulfed in some sort of inferno, that does not mean anyone else does. And yet both views are valid even though both are seen as wrong.

The long and the short of it is very simple – if you want to blog you can. I’ve always said “It’s a blog, it’s disposable” and if anything you are being digitally environmentally friendly by not carting round a heap of archives. You canadians good at recycling ? ;)

If I could I’d buy your domain name and keep it safe …. you aren’t selling it / given it away have you ?

That’s what you need to think about I reckon.
I have no real point here – I type whatever I want and hit a lot of targets. I am perfectly aware that I have regular readers, that WP attracts a few and that my WP stuff is linked from all the decent search engines. But I don’t have a point. I’m not geeky, I’m not emo (hopefully), I’m not “cutting edge bipolar” (hahaha*sob*/slice/), I’m not attacking this or that, so I would hope there are no expectations – and because there are none, I have nothing to meet therefore there is no bar for me to surpass, so I just blog. Maybe because you too got a lot of WP traffic you thought there were expectations both from you to WP and from readers to you ? Hey – we’ve both been honest about WP at times, and I don’t think we are thought any differently by anyone for saying so either.

In the end though the point has to be that you get some form of enjoyment from blogging – I hope you can find that and I know I’m not alone in waiting for you to return :)