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Sometimes family members of the gravely ill notice discomfort beyond the physical in their loved ones. A distance healing session is focused on making peace with the past and reduction of fear, so when the time is right, your loved one can transition comfortably.

There is no wish or push for immediate transition. This session is about love, peace and healing on any level your loved one is interested in accepting. Results are not guaranteed.

Until recently, my practice has been focused helping survivors of abuse, and families of children with chronic illnesses. I am now guided to branch out in this new area of hospice healing.

Life is just filled with weird little coincidences, and I really, really enjoy them! I have reflected a lot on how much easier my life has become now that I go with the flow (for me), listen to my gut, and allow myself to be led in directions that ultimately allow my family and me to live our lives to the fullest.

The most recent guidance I received was to attend a yoga class at Innerworks Wellness Center, one of my favorite spots for Kundalini yoga. There are many great teachers there, but my gut told me to go Wednesday to Nirbhe’s class. I normally go to Patty’s class on Tuesday or Thursday, but felt there was a reason for going Wednesday instead.

I was one of two students in the class. In Nirbhe’s 20 years of teaching yoga, she said it was the first time she had taught this particular set. This did not surprise me. The set was for me, and this was perhaps the third time I’d ever attended one of her classes in the many years I’ve gone to yoga at Innerworks.

Nirbhe led us through a Kundalini set for lungs and circulation. At one point during a very simple exercise of backward arm circles, I had my “aha!” moment. I was almost paralyzed trying to do it, and I felt like I was suffocating. She noticed something was not quite right, and asked me if I had shoulder issues. I explained to her that I had no shoulder problem, clearly the set was for me, because I had a serious energetic block that was making it extremely difficult to breathe. Circling my arms in a forward motion had no such effect.

After yoga class, Nirbe and I chatted for a bit, and she mentioned the http://www.3ho.org website, the go to spot for everything Kundalini yoga. I had visited it before, but hadn’t known about the numerology ap where I could punch in my birthdate and get a read on myself, and which mantras and yoga sets would be of most benefit to me. When I got home, I punched in my stats to learn all about myself 🙂. When I reached the bottom of the long list of info, there it was. Of the thousands of different Kundalini yoga sets, the one we had done in class was one of 3 listed for me. Helps with finding the Joy in life. Oh how I laughed! I wasn’t surprised in the least, because this is kind of how my life has been going. “Coincidences” happen a lot. But it was sure a great laugh, warmed my heart, and made my day.

You might wonder, “so, you have been doing this yoga set every day, right?” Well, no. I am human, a procrastinator at heart, and not too motivated to exercise. But I will. Soon. Maybe. You can lead a horse to water…

A set of books I recommend to uplift your spirit and guide you to experience the synchronicities of life are James Redfield’s Celestine Prophecy books. There are four of them. I initially read the first three 20 years or so ago. I reread them recently and am enjoying a lot of “aha!” moments (fortunately, not all involve feelings of suffocation). I am currently reading the fourth book that came out in 2012. I call this set a “must read” for anyone on a spiritual path. They make you feel awesome!

I have recently spoken to several parents of chronically ill children. Although their children suffer from different physical ailments, I have noticed a commonality between the cases. Once I see a trend, I try to bring it to others’ attention in hopes of shedding light on difficult situations.

I am always so happy when I hear that parents are looking into biomedical intervention for chronic illnesses. “Biomedical” is an approach where doctors attempt to treat root causes of illnesses instead of addressing the symptoms only. The result is often that by removing the root cause, the symptoms go away, and no more treatment is necessary.

The treatment of root causes can be through use of pharmaceuticals, such as Diflucan for systemic yeast infections. For example, a yeast infection was in part the cause of “crazy brain” in our son who was on the Autism Spectrum. By using a biomedical approach, we treated one cause of his hyperactivity with a drug, and then the hyperactivity greatly subsided. By addressing the yeast infection, one of the root causes of the hyperactive behavior was effectively stopped in its tracks. We were able to help our son gain control of himself, and achieve a higher level of health for him in the process. We were able to avoid ADHD meds, which would have only treated the hyperactive symptoms, and his systemic yeast infection would have remained unaddressed.

Biomedical intervention can also mean intervention with nutrition and supplementation. For example, we treated our son’s yeast infection for over a year with a natural probiotic supplement. In his case, although we tried to go the natural route, it didn’t work. Perhaps a different supplement might have worked, but I got fed up and asked the doctor to “nuke him” with a drug. It wasn’t necessarily the way we wanted to do it, but it was effective.

Biomedical intervention can also be homeopathic remedies, acupuncture, chiropractic, or other healing modalities not normally used by the mainstream medical establishment. In my family we have used supplementation, homeopathics, chiropractic, cold laser, elimination diets, organic/non GMO diets, clay baths, and then some. All of these treatments helped us get closer to recovery for our son. But then we got stuck at some plateaus where he could not be budged.

This is where I find the common thread I’ve been hearing lately from mothers around the globe. “I have had my child on ‘insert name of’ therapy for a year, and we haven’t seen a change.” Two types of situations come to mind, such as parasite cleanses and heavy metal detoxing. When you think about it, really, how many parasites or heavy metals can a little body hold?

When you are at a point where you are asking that question, it is time to consider that there could be a root cause for the “root cause.” Even if you find the physical root cause of a particular physical issue/symptom, I’d like you to consider the possibility that there could be a different “root cause” that biomedical intervention doesn’t necessarily treat. The new “root cause” I’m referring to is spiritual or emotional in nature.

I would like to quote from Louise Hay regarding parasites. Ms. Hay has an awesome iPhone ap that lists probable emotional and/or spiritual causes of physical ailments. Her “Heal your Body A-Z” ap lists parasites as probable cause of “giving power to others, letting them take over.” Louise Hay lists positive thought patterns to go with the problem that one can use for a mantra. This can be very effective in helping to eliminate emotional or spiritual causes. In the case of parasites, the new thought pattern is “I lovingly take back my power and eliminate all interference.”

What do you do with a child who has a seemingly unending stream of parasites coursing through his/her body? Do you have a 3 year-old recite mantras that they don’t even understand? This may not be the most effective route to go. This is when you consider other esoteric healing modalities such as Reiki, Vibrational Healing, or Dowsing (all of which are services I provide.)

We have children we are trying to heal biomedically. I know an army of parents in various stages of recovering their children. For some, it seems “not so difficult,” for others, it makes them feel like “I’m doing the same thing she is. Our kids have the same diagnosis! Why is her child recovering, and why can’t my child be one of the kids who recovers?!?!?!?!” If you are saying this, it’s time to look for a root cause to the root cause.

Looking at parasites, for example, if we go with what Louise Hay says, we see that our children are feeling a lack of power. So, in the work I might do for this type of case, I would work to restore the child’s power center. A person’s power center is in the 3rd chakra, solar plexus. Yes, I said “chakra.” By healing the emotional/spiritual issues behind the physical issues, then the physical issues can heal much more quickly.

Feel free to look around my website, read blogs, get a feel for what I do. If what I say doesn’t resonate with you, that’s fine. If you have questions, I am happy to point you to other resources as best I can. I have a team of healers I work with in the Southern California area that are ready to help you on your healing journey. Some of them do distance work like I do, so don’t feel your location limits you.

As I sit here, I’m not sure what this post will become. I know that I would like to address a FB story that I can no longer find on my timeline, which is irritating to me. But I will try to fill you in, and continue from there.

The missing story, best as I can remember, was about a parent’s goal to always try to be kind and loving, optimistic to and supportive of her children. I shared the story, finding it beautiful. A good friend began some excellent dialogue in the comments stream, pointing out how soft kids are nowadays, that’s not how the real world is, and we aren’t doing enough to keep our kids tough in a tough world.

I understand where this friend is coming from. I also know him well and know for a fact that yes, he may have been a hard-ass to his three daughters from time to time during their formative years, but there’s no doubt in my mind that they know he is their biggest fan.

God, being a parent is so hard. The hardest part is taking a long, hard look at myself to see what it is that I can do to help my kids succeed in what really looks to be a crazy world. Good crazy, bad crazy, lots of extremes. How do we navigate it with them? How can we have our adult awareness of all the threats out there, and compartmentalize it enough so our fear doesn’t rub off on our kids?

One answer has rung true since the first time I asked myself this question: Love them. Make sure they know I love them. Make sure they know I am in their corner. Make sure I am a person they can bring problems to.

How? I tell them all the time that I love them, but then I holler about a carrot bag leaking carrot water on my favorite chair, clearly showing my daughter I love the chair more than I love her. Holy hell, she came up to me to admit the infraction. Like she is ever going to tell me about something that really matters in her teen years? Look at how I completely overreacted to a baby carrot bag that leaked water…

To make matters worse, I am not a warm, fuzzy type of mother. I’m rather business-like, with a bit of kindness tossed in here and there. As I admit this, I remember a situation where one mother was complaining about how her second-grade child got a teacher who was “too nice, too kind, too compassionate.” I laughed out loud. I said, “well, my child has her too, and I really feel kids that young should get kindness and compassion from somewhere, and since my children don’t necessarily get the ‘warm fuzzy’ in our home, I’m thankful they can get it somewhere outside our home, ha ha ha…” That shut her up. Seriously, when did it become wrong to show kindness to children? As long as the curriculum is learned, which it was, I’m all for a teacher helping me build self-esteem in my kids.

But with all these great teachers, my kids didn’t have any self-esteem. My son was falling prey to bullies. My husband and I would talk about it a lot, trying to understand why our son seemed to wear a “kick me” sign. And then one day it dawned upon me, “I bully (‘tough love’) him, so he thinks that’s they way he deserves to be treated by everyone else.”

It didn’t matter how kind his teachers were or weren’t. Ultimately, the opinions my son respected most were his parents.’ A huge light bulb lit up. This was big. I had great teachers growing up, but until I was an adult, I truly did not believe I was anything special in my parents’ eyes. As an adult with kids, I know this is untrue; but as a kid, it was my perception, and my perception was my reality growing up.

I was able to work with this. I could find kinder ways of telling my kids for the thousandth time that they need to brush their teeth or put their dirty clothes in the hamper. I didn’t need to condemn them for forgetting or adding to my already overflowing workload. So, it took some work, but adding a few more “I love yous,” changing my default response from “no” to “yes, you can have that” when I didn’t really care one way or the other, and giving them reasons why they are awesome was helpful.

However, the bullying continued. My husband and I were very frustrated. We had adapted on our end, but our son was almost 11, and still a target at his school. We toyed with the idea of changing his school. We heard both sides – “life is tough, you can’t always avoid when the going gets tough, so he has to toughen up.” But my gut said to move him. Practicality seemed to be winning out, and we kept our course on “life is tough, get over it.” And then I was shown how ignoring my gut was not in the best interests of our son. I thank God for that message I received.

We were at a party. Our son was being teased by girls 2 grades younger than he. I made an offhand comment about the girls just having a crush, and my beautiful, kind, gentle son went off the deep end. He was shaking, crying, pushed to the point where he couldn’t even handle a couple little girls being little snots. He swung at me, crumbled, and felt like he was lower than the dirt on the bottom of my shoe. All of his agony flashed across his face, and it imprinted directly into my brain. I grabbed him, told him how sorry I was, and how wrong I was for not seeing how desperate he had become. I told him then and there that I was going to fix the situation, and he would not be attending his current school in the fall. He cried and cried, saying “how could I have done that? You are my mother, how could I have done that? How can you forgive me?” I told him there was nothing to forgive. I was his mom, I should have had his back. I didn’t (want to) realize how bad it was for him at school, now I do, we will fix it, can he forgive me for taking so long?

Fast-forward a year. By our son’s estimation, he and his friends are “going to rule the school next year!” The change of venue to a school where being a considerate human is built into the curriculum has done wonders. A year and a half of karate has also helped tremendously, since he now has the ability to defend himself. Our son is no longer on edge and can focus on being a kid and enjoying life.

I moved both kids at the same time, and my daughter appreciated the focus on kindness at the new school as well. Have I done my kids a disservice by moving them from a competitive, dog-eat-dog elementary school with high academic accolades? I think not. Actually, I shudder to think what the outcome might have been if I had left either of my kids at their former school. Both of them have come a long way in gaining self-esteem. I know it’s naive to think that changing schools would help in every situation. I think the bigger point that was made, even if the new school was no great shakes, was the fact that I had their backs. They were heard, I made an attempt to fix things for them. In our situation, we were fortunate to have a win-win.

So, are kids softer today? Does kindness toward one’s children translate to raising kids with no work ethic, and the belief that everything should come easy in life? Should we praise them and give them trophies simply for participating on a team? Maybe, maybe not. In a home where a kid gets absolutely no positive reinforcement, that trophy could be a lifeline.

There is no “one-size fits all” magic bullet piece of advice blueprint on how to raise kids. I was raised in a home where I was either ignored or recipient of “tough love,” and I was the most miserable person I knew from childhood through high school. I don’t want that for my kids. So, I listen to my gut. I remember what I would have appreciated as a kid. I talk to my kids (hard for me), and try to listen to them (sometimes painful, yes, I’m awful). And when I holler about a bag of carrot water getting on my favorite chair, I explain after a chill period “you know it wasn’t really about the carrot water, right? It was about how I’ve asked you hundreds of times not to eat in the living room, and you did it anyway. I felt like I wasn’t being heard or respected. Again. And this time it landed on my favorite chair. My trigger. Can you see why I would be upset?”

I followed it with “I know I overreacted. I fear that you will remember this outburst over a drippy carrot bag, and when it is really important for you to talk to me, you will be afraid of my reaction. I am very sorry about that, and hope you can forgive me and trust me for the important stuff, too.”

Too much explanation for my 9-year old? I don’t think so. It took her from “I’m an awful child and my mother hates me” to “my mom has feelings too, and she really does love me, she’s just a bit uptight about that chair. I won’t eat in the living room anymore.” (yeah, right)

My friend is right. Sometimes tough love is necessary, and sometimes it is even unavoidable, as in the case of my family (it can be hard to break generational patterns). So, people need to make the best decisions they can for their families. I try not to judge others. The one thing I will say is I think in a world that at times seems very unkind, it is essential to raise kids to believe in themselves. In our case, it required changing schools and listening to what our kids say.

With all the young kids and gun violence, I can’t help but wonder if those kids felt heard. If something as simple as moving schools might have helped them. Dear God, I don’t know. But what I do know is that kids who shoot up schools do not love themselves, so that is the one thing I can try to do for my own. If my kids know, I mean, really really know their self-worth, they will be OK. Right? If they love themselves, they can handle all the tough times in their future, when it is age-appropriate to navigate bullshit. You think? Well, that’s my theory, and for now, I’m sticking to it.

“Reiki” comes from two words – “Rei” and “ki.” In the Japanese language, when these two words are used together for the practice of healing, the word “Rei” means Universal Spirit, Higher Power or God. “Ki” refers to the life energy that surrounds and circulates through all living things. Together, Reiki means life energy that is guided by a higher power.

Reiki is based on the idea that all living things have a special energy flowing through them called life energy. When your life energy is high, you’ll feel strong and confident, be more relaxed and centered and less likely to get sick. When it is low, you’ll often feel tired, be more easily affected by stress and less resistant to illness.

A Reiki treatment is a way of increasing your life energy. A practitioner transmits Reiki to the client through the hands. The hands are lightly placed on or near your body in various positions around the head, shoulders, stomach and feet. The positive flow of energy generated helps to break down, release and lift away negative or debilitating energy and restore health and balance to the body once again.

A treatment can feel like a warm glowing radiance that flows through the body. It is a very relaxing experience and some clients report the body feeling heavy as it relaxes and yet the spirit or emotions feeling light at the same time. A treatment will usually release negative feelings or thoughts leaving the client feeling more positive, light hearted and with feelings of well-being.

There are different ways to receive a Reiki treatment. The explanation above refers to an in-person session. Another option is to receive a distance session with a skilled practitioner. Distance sessions are especially helpful to anyone homebound or unable to travel great distances for a session. Remote Reiki is also ideal for those who have sensory issues or prefer not to be touched (i.e., Autism, Fibromyalgia and other conditions that result in sensitivity). Reiki energy can be directed straight to you by the practitioner’s intent, no matter where you are. It can be felt immediately; it is not limited by laws of time and space.

Although relaxation and stress management are the goal with either method you choose, healing can take place. People have reported recovery from ailments of all kinds. Everyone’s experience of Reiki is different. While almost everyone experiences relaxation and improvements of various kinds, healing results cannot be guaranteed.

Reiki is not a religion and it requires no particular belief system to work, just an open heart and a willingness to heal.

Reiki and Autism

I have found that treating parents of children on the Autism Spectrum is extremely beneficial for both the individual treated, as well as the entire family (person with Autism included). Individuals on the Autism Spectrum are VERY sensitive. They love deeply. They often are unable to verbally express what they feel, which is usually more intense than anyone can imagine. The parents love, love, LOVE their children, and the drive to help them often comes at a personal sacrifice; they are often driven to the brink of physical and/or emotional collapse. This is not how it has to be, and it is most definitely not what the person affected by Autism wants.

Our children are our mirrors. We are the centers of their solar systems. They orbit us. If we are dying suns, our children can’t help but react, usually in a way that is perceived to be negative. The work I do helps parents de-stress enough to help calm themselves (and their families). A sense of peace is usually one major outcome of a healing session, and with that peace comes the ability to plan and move forward without fear, and feel greater support from the Universe.

I also treat children on the Autism Spectrum, my son included. He and my family inspired me to become a healer so I could help our family. Now I reach out to help other families affected by similar circumstances, or really any adverse circumstances. It is my calling.

Well, it has been awhile since I’ve posted. I we are now in week 6 of a 3-week kitchen remodel. I have remodeled before. I never want to do it again. I always say that. But really, this is the last time.

It has helped to practice gratitude. “I am thankful I can afford a kitchen remodel.” “I am thankful that my family is safe, healthy, and my biggest irritation, as my father-in-law would say, is a ‘rich-person’s problem.'” I am thankful that the length of time is only double the original estimate, since my master bath took 3 months and was half the size, and went 50% over budget.

Yesterday was the first day I did not have to do dishes in the backyard. Grateful. I have found a way to see past the scratched pantry door (which is getting fixed), an under cabinet light that is not centered (shit happens), drawer fronts that did not match cabinet doors (shit happens, getting fixed), electrical outlets that are not in line as you scan the kitchen with your eyes (my husband is freaking out, but it goes into my “shit happens” category, I don’t have the bandwidth to care. I’ll park a toaster in front of the offender).

At 4 pm yesterday, I couldn’t find my gratitude. The contractor told me “you’ve had water hooked to your fridge all along,” (we’d been filling a Brita pitcher upstairs for over a week). I said “how can that be? You’ve only put in the water purifier today.” His response:

“Oh, it’s not hooked to the water purifier. You never mentioned that. No, we can’t do it now… sorry.”

“Whaaaaaaaaaaa?!?!?!?” Around and around we go. I mentioned it at least 4 times before construction started, asked, verified and reverified. my husband verified it twice as well. No, I don’t want money back for moving the water line. I want my fridge hooked to the water purifier. This is not classified under “shit happens.” I will even go as far as to say, if it couldn’t have been connected, we would still be dragging our feet on doing the kitchen remodel. The fridge hooked to the purifier was the tipping point of pulling the trigger on getting the remodel done in the first place.

To 90% of the people in this country, it appears that I need to file this in the “shit happens” bucket. I CAN’T. I marvel at my reaction and how deep my pain and disgust go regarding this issue. My heart physically hurt. I yelled at my kids all evening for the slightest infractions. I argued with my husband for over an hour regarding the situation (he agreed with me and thought I was being too nice- he wanted to stop payment on the last check).

Here’s the rub. It’s more than a water line to the purifier. It is symbolic of my fight as an Autism mom. It is a reaction that comes from 9 years of ingrained fear that my family will ingest more toxins than it has to, that my recovered son will slip away from us again. It is sooooo much more than a water line. It is not being heard. It is being dismissed after the fact. It is looking at the beautiful kitchen and only seeing what’s not there– my one absolutely non-negotiable request of the entire remodel (and yes, I had even phrased it that way when I said I wanted the water line to be hooked to the purifier).

My son is considered “recovered.” We glide through life now like other “normal” families, but it took this one situation to awaken the Beast I dislike being. I realized in that moment that we are NOT a normal family. We never will be. The Beast will have to emerge when a perceived threat comes our way. I don’t like it. It’s just something that I have to do.

I am sooooo tired. I am sooooo ready for this remodel to be done, for this chapter to close. But I am grateful that my contractor came back this morning, and even more grateful that he has figured out a non-invasive solution to the problem. He is a good guy, does good work, I’d recommend him to others. He doesn’t understand me, and that is OK. He doesn’t need to. He just needs to hook up the fridge to the purifier.

Well, she didn’t say, “Sara, you are an a$$hat.” She called all people who do not vaccinate their children “a$$hats.”

My knee-jerk reaction was to unfriend her. Then, as is always the case when I am on the receiving end of this type of insult, I asked myself, “is there mirroring going on here? What lesson am I supposed to learn from having this appear in front of my face?” In this case, after several deep breaths, I calmed down, reminded myself how much I love my friend, and went about my life, our friendship intact. And today I write this post in response to her, and anyone who feels so strongly about this topic.

And for the record, I want to be very clear. I am not against vaccines. I am against the forced vaccination of entire populations on a “one timetable fits all” basis. I also believe in a parent’s right to choose what is best for his/her healthy children so that they may remain healthy. How each parent decides what is best is his/her business. I support the personal belief exemption, for what that’s worth.

This vaccination issue is very divisive, and it not only makes friends enemies, it has become a key issue for bitter divorces. The topic is instilling hate in people who normally wouldn’t feel such an emotion. The hate comes from both sides, and it clearly stems from fear. With all the scary images and stories out there about the damage that can be done by measles, HPV, polio-like illnesses, as well as similar stories of disability or death caused by vaccines really puts parents in a no-win situation. The question becomes, “do I spin the roulette wheel and hope my healthy child does not have an adverse reaction to a vaccine that I’m not sure I want him to have?” Or “should I spin the wheel because the CDC says so, because there might one day be an outbreak of an illness, with a small percentage of a chance of causing long term damage not only to my child, but to an entire community, including pregnant women and unborn babies?”

You may not agree with my stance, and that is OK. You are entitled to your opinion. But make no mistake, I and the thousands of parents I’m electronically connected with who feel the same as I do, we have all done our homework. Some of us have honorary degrees from the University of Hard Knocks. We are not, as portrayed in many media stories, uneducated imbeciles who have their heads up their arses. We are not too lazy to take our kids to the doctor or Walgreens. Hell, if I thought a flu shot was in the best interest of my family, I’d love that 20% off of groceries that Von’s offers every flu season with the purchase of a flu shot. Actually, I’d stagger, I’d take my family in one member at a time, each get the shot one week at a time, and get 20% off 4 weeks in a row! Ah, but I digress…

What it boils down to is this. For as strongly as you believe in forced vaccination, I believe just as or more strongly in the personal belief exemption. I am a graduate of the University of Hard Knocks. My son was diagnosed with Pervasive Developmental Delay (PDD) at his 3-year “Well Visit.” I was suspicious of a problem at his 15-month appointment and was blown off by his doctor, and I allowed my son to be injected. At his 2-year well visit, I was told it was fine that my son lined up all his toys in crack-the-whip fashion. When I asked about my son’s ability to place 50 states in a puzzle and name them all at 18 months, I was told he was very smart. When I questioned his speech development, I was asked if he knew 100 words. I explained that he knew 500 words but couldn’t string anything together. Finally at 3 years of age we had a new pediatrician. He had a similar opinion to my own, and diagnosed the PDD. He also told me that I had to figure out a way to wrap my head around the diagnosis, and the best I could ever hope for my son is that he could be a janitor one day.

So, I found another doctor. And that MD took my family to hell and back with “unproven treatments that are a waste of money and instill false hope,” per our diagnosing pediatrician. We had to refinance our home to pay for the treatments that insurance deemed unproven. In the end, my son is recovered. So who is the doctor I listen to and trust? The one who said my son was developing normally? The one who said my son could perhaps aspire to be a janitor? Or the one who took my 3-year old son with a developmental age of 1.5, and got him to a developmental age of 3.5 in 1 year’s time when “no cure was possible?” Just saying, not all “white coats” are alike.

It is due to the experience that I never wanted to have, that I crusade for families’ rights to act on this issue as they see fit. And I will encourage any parent who is told that their child will always be chronically ill or delayed to seek a second opinion. Or third, fourth, etc. And of the thousands of parents I’m connected with, most have had similar experiences to my own, or someone close to them has.

So, I won’t hide the fact that I no longer vaccinate my children. I will continue to share articles, and people can continue to ignore them. I will accept people calling me “a$$hat,” and I will continue to post the vaccine awareness articles. When people post images of children with measles rashes covering their bodies on my page, I will write back “thank you.” When friends list all the worst possible outcomes of contracting measles, I will not write back “these are the same possible outcomes of the vaccines themselves, except we are injecting this possibility into healthy children.” The information is out there for anyone who reads more than the handout provided by the pediatrician.

The most interesting part of all is I really care about the pediatrician who made the diagnosis. He is a great guy. I know he had my son’s and my family’s best interests at heart. He was just lacking some serious information. I wish him well, and hope that he has broadened his knowledge base since we last saw him 4 years ago.

Just like I really care about all my friends, FB and otherwise. I don’t have a single friend whom I think is a bad parent. We are all doing the best we can, making the best decisions for our families given the information we have. My friend who called me an a$$hat included. She is a lioness; an advocate for her children, friends and abandoned animals. I pray that one day she can see shades of gray instead of only black and white. Until then, I respect her for the amazing mother she is. I fervently hope she never experiences what my family went through. And God forbid, if she does, I will be there to connect her to people who can help.

The last point I want to make is this: If you think anyone decides to skip vaccination without giving it a second thought, you are very mistaken. The first years of my son’s life, and the first six months of my daughter’s life, I agonized each time that needle penetrated their thighs. Was I doing right? Was I harming them? Should I wait until the next appointment, space the injections apart? If I delayed the vaccination schedule, would i be punished by having my children contract one of the horrifying diseases the vaccines were supposed to prevent?

The doctor who provided solutions to my son’s well-being told me to stop vaccinating both children immediately. The decision was made for me by someone who had earned my respect. Thank God. If I had continued to adhere to the other two doctors’ recommendations, our lives would be very different now. This is why I feel medical exemptions are not enough; philosophical exemptions should be in place.

End note: Most of my FB friends don’t know about my son’s PDD diagnosis. I have only shared this information with a few people in an attempt to respect his privacy. When I do share with other moms I meet, I get a “he seems so normal!” response. I want to laugh, and I get pissed off all at the same time. First of all, yes, he does, and that was the goal. Secondly, I’m never sure how to take this type of comment. I don’t feel like it is said in a congratulatory way, like we are being acknowledged for bringing him back from the brink. It usually comes out like “I’m not quite sure I believe you,” or “he must not have been that bad in the first place,” or “you are just a GF granola-eating mother following the trend du jour.” Maybe that’s a chip on my shoulder I need to look at and find a way to remove; however, that is a tall order given the fact that we were physically, emotionally and financially decimated by our son’s illness, and to a lesser extent, our daughter’s autoimmune issues as well. In the end, I let it go, because my friends are normally pretty fine people. Truth be told, I’m thankful they don’t understand my experience. And at this point, I don’t really need anyone else’s validation.

I have been on a very long journey to self-discovery. Along the way I have read many books, met many people, and everyone who has crossed my path, written or in person, has in some way helped me evolve. I have put together a list of Personal Truths; they are mine, they might not be yours. But in the event that we perhaps have some overlap, I am sharing below. And below these truths of mine is a list of references from which I gleaned my truths.

I choose my beliefs.

I am the most important person in my life.

I am worthy.

I am created of God.

God is perfect.

God is a healer, and therefore so am I.

We choose our experiences.

As humans we are here to experience joy, love, and all positive emotions.

As humans we tend to experience negative emotions.

Karma is something that we as humans create to whip ourselves.

The people in our lives are with us for a reason.

Look into your loved ones’ faces and hearts, it’s like looking into a mirror.

Guilt is a useless emotion.

Forgiveness is a choice and a gift.

Love, joy and forgiveness are the building blocks of happiness and health.

Words, thoughts and intentions are powerful.

Recommended reading:The Science of Mind, by Ernest HolmesYou Can Heal Your Life, by Louise HayA New Earth, by Eckhart TolleSoul Love, Spiritual Growth, and other books by Sanaya RomanA Course in Miracles, specifically, the chapters on “forgiveness”

I have not been posting regularly, no pearls of wisdom come to mind today. So, today I share someone else’s gorgeous pearls, my dear friend (although I’ve never met her) Louise Hay. You will find these and many other words of wisdom in her book, You Can Heal Your Life:

We are each responsible for all of our experiences.

Every thought we think is creating our future.

The point of power is always in the present moment.

Everyone suffers from self-hatred and guilt.

The bottom line for everyone is, “I’m not good enough.”

It’s only a thought, and a thought can be changed.

We create every so-called illness in our body.

Resentment, criticism and guilt are the most damaging patterns.

Releasing resentment will dissolve even cancer.

We must release the past and forgive everyone.

We must be willing to begin to learn to love ourselves.

Self-approval and self-acceptance in the now are the keys to positive changes.

When we really love ourselves, everything in our life works.

Also from You Can Heal Your Life:

I have long believed: “Everything I need to know is revealed to me.” “Everything I need comes to me.” “All is well in my life.” There is no new knowledge. All is ancient and infinite. It is my joy and pleasure to gather together wisdom and knowledge for the benefit of those on the healing pathway. I dedicate this offering to all of you who have taught me what I know: to my many clients, to my friends in the field, to my teachers, and to the Divine Infinite Intelligence for channeling through me that which others need to hear. – Louise L. Hay

My back went out this week. The level of pain reached 10 on a 10 point scale. It is so hard to be kind when I feel like this. All bets are pretty much off as far as keeping a kind, compassionate point of view. I actually warn my kids that they need to stop bickering, or do it where I cannot hear it, or else they will unleash a load of crazy no one wants to experience.

I am blessed in the sense that I know this back pain is a blip. I used to have chronic pain, now I just have flare ups on rare occasion. My pain will pass. However, I am reminded now with these flare ups how absolutely debilitating and destructive they are. Chronic pain has the capacity to make a monster out of someone who is normally pretty decent. My parting thought for today is if a loved one in pain lashes out, try not take it personally. I do not suggest that you become a pounding board. I’m just suggesting that instead of engaging in an argument that neither of you wants, you send your loved one thoughts of compassion as you quickly leave the room.

In a future blog I will touch on some non-mainstream ways I went about avoiding the recommended L4-L5 spinal fusion.