I'm a 25-year-old woman and six months ago, after a period of depression, I realised that the few men I have slept with have emotionally manipulated me into having sex. I have also had more than one experience of being so drunk that I don't honestly know what was done to me. I now doubt anything I know about myself sexually, as it has been something I feel I have learned for a man's pleasure. I have been living happily with my boyfriend for 18 months but we rarely have sex any more. It often ends up with me crying as he's uncertain of how to treat me and I don't know how to guide him. I try to bring him to orgasm as soon as possible to avoid my own involvement. I desperately want to get back to the fun experiences we had, but have completely lost my libido. I am still taking antidepressants.

Depression can lower one's libido, as can certain antidepressants. It can also promote a highly negative view of aspects of one's life. Try to change your self-perception from that of victim. Set boundaries with sexual partners and start taking responsibility for your own pleasure. Never have reluctant sex. Instead, take the initiative to share the things you like with your boyfriend. For example, "It would be exciting for me if we could do ..." or "Could you touch me like this?" When he gets it right, reward him with praise.

Most importantly, always remember that it is impossible to give consent for sex if you are drunk. You deserve much better, so protect yourself and work hard to improve your self-esteem.