Upgrade Your Stoner Food

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Your munchie cures this 4/20 don't have to be the same old gas-station chips—but it's not like you need a tasting menu for blasting joints, either. Take this opportunity to explore the wide world of obscure snacks and ingenious kitchen hacks with our handy toked-up guide

The Science of Munchies

Here's something to contemplate besides how the universe is, like, so...huge, man. After many years of research, science still doesn't know exactly why marijuana makes you hungry. Some studies say that cannabis mimics the natural endocannabinoids that stimulate hunger in your brain. Others say it heightens your sense of taste and smell. Still others say that it increases the flow of dopamine, causing you to enjoy eating more. What we do know is this: Smoking up is not a time for fine dining. You shouldn't be trying to pick up hints of anise in your clafoutis—you're a drooling, spaced-out dopamine junkie. What you can do, however, is break out of the same old stoner cycle and try something fun for a change, which is why we've rounded up nine of the best choices here.

2/11

The Standard: Doritos

The Upgrade: Takis

Take some lime-infused tortilla chips, add the overt corniness of Fritos, and coat them in some seriously strong red chili dust. And the best part is that with these Mexican mini-taquitos, you'll still spend forever licking off all the stuff caked to your fingers, just like old times.

The Standard: Oreos

**The Upgrade: Jaffa Cakes **

So popular in Britain, the question of whether they're taxable biscuits or tax-empt cakes was the subject of a court case. Made of spongy cake, topped with orange jelly and a chocolate coating, these iconic disks will fill your daily recommended dose of fruit-like flavorings quite nicely.

The Standard: Nutella

The Upgrade: Speculoos Spread

It's like Nutella, but made out of Belgian biscuits. This is one of those things where you just need to read the description to be sold, unless your pot-addled brain can no longer understand deliciousness, or something.

The Standard: Beef Jerky

The Upgrade: Dried Shredded Squid

Even the most calamari-loving American might beg off trying these feathery shreds of preserved squid at first glance, but trust us: You'll go through it like hay, if hay were made of pure, concentrated umami and salt. What, you smoked your way into liking Animal Collective, and you can't handle a little dried seafood? Come on.

Available in Asian grocery stores everywhere.

6/11

The Standard: Milanos

The Upgrade: Pocky

The same concept, but with a higher chocolate-to-biscuit ratio and with all the chocolate on the outside, which are both pluses. And if chocolate isn't your thing, it also comes in more flavors than you can shake a vape at. And you'll instantly lose track of how many you've eaten, which is key.

The Standard:Cheetos

**The Upgrade: Twisties **

These Australian snacks have a similar craggly corn texture, but come in such WTF flavors as BBQ Curry Dude and Yo! Chicken. So if you've ever said, amidst a purple haze, "I wonder what Duh Tomato would taste like," here's your chance.

The Standard: Ramen

**The Upgrade: Nongshim Shin Ramyun Black **

Instant ramen is one of the most savory and filling instant foods around—especially when it's not the (literally) dime-a-dozen stuff you've been nuking by the crate since your dorm room days. This premium Korean _ramyun _ups the noodle quality and flavor quotient, and comes with a surprisingly good packet of dried mushrooms and beef. It's the closest you'll get to a home-cooked meal in your incapacitated state.

The Standard: Cooking Stuff

The Upgrade: Freezing Stuff

Rather than become a living PSA trying to cook while high, or nuking everything into a stale, soggy microwaved mess, freezing is a great way to add textural variation to your stoner-food regimen—not to mention to cool down your mouth after all those Takis, Twisties, and prawn-cheese-covered crackers. The possibilities are endless: frozen Thin Mints; frozen candy bars; frozen Pop Tarts; frozen blueberries, if you're a sucker for lifespan. All you need is a fridge and some time.

Photo: Getty Images

10/11

The Standard: Microwaved Leftovers

**The Upgrade: Waffle Ironed Everything **

And now, courtesy of Serious Eats's J. Kenji López-Alt, we come to the brave new forefront of stoner cooking. It turns out that the waffle iron, previously a one-trick pony that sat in your cabinet collecting dust, is a versatile reheating machine. With a quick press under the iron, old fries become pull-apart hash browns on steroids. Leftover pizza becomes a gooey, crispy stuffed calzone. Yesterday's falafel sandwiches become today's toasted, pressed falafel wedges.

Photo: Jason Frank Rothenberg

11/11

Will It Munchie?

The 5 commandments of binge-able stoner food—that is, if you're not the ultra-talented crew at Roberta's in Brooklyn, who put together the weed tasting menu you see above

Contains irresponsible amounts of at least two of these: fat, sodium, sugar, and glutamates (the compounds responsible for umami, found in MSG).

Preparation does not involve open flames or objects sharper than a fork.

Will not spoil at room temperature in the time it takes to complete a Planet Earth marathon.

No needlessly adult flavors like bitterness, or nuance; a child could, would, and somewhere in the world does eat it.

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