Friday, April 10, 2015

My Weekend Orange Crush

So if you’re a gay lady and were anywhere near the Internet yesterday you probably already watched the new “Orange Is the New Black” Season 3 trailer like 3,000 times – possibly more. You’ve also probably already made your food delivery order plans for June 12. But, hey, that’s still a long-ass way away (56 days and counting, yo) let’s go ahead and dissect everything we can from this first trailer. If we can process and argument about doing the dishes for a day and a half, we can certainly spare 15 minutes for this. Happy weekend, all.

1) They Got The Band Back Together
Taystee, Poussey & Black Cindy look thick as thieves again. Not that I’m saying they’re all thieves. Wait, wasn’t that what Black Cindy is in for? Anyway, metaphor withdrawn. I’m just happy they look so happy together again.

2) Big No
Oh, Big Boo. What? Butch down, BUTCH DOWN.

3) Major Headlights
You know you want to know exactly what Flaca told Maritza that made those nips stand at attention.

4) Turnabout Is Fair…
Yeah, Alex, we know how you’re back here. We know exactly how. Though, I am curious how she got that shiner.

5) Once Upon a Mattress
Hey, what happened to their mattresses?

6) A Rose is a Flirt
Look, I’m as much Pipex/Vauseman as the next gay gal, but I also approve of this Ruby Rose flirting. I approve very much.

7) Where’s the Beef?
Dammit, are Gloria and Sophia fighting? Can’t we all just get along?