Luke Skywalker censures Daily Mail for slur against his father

In an escalating war of words, Jedi Knight Luke Skywalker has threatened legal action against the Daily Mail for what he alleges are ‘pejorative’ and ‘slanderous’ representations of his late father, Darth Vader.

‘My father was a decorated war veteran who fought hard for this galaxy,’ claimed Skywalker, age depends where you are in the franchise. ‘The side that he fought on is immaterial. He was a man who’d cut off his arm for you. Or mine.’

In an article called “The Sith Lord who hated Alderaan”, the Mail contends that Vader was a maniacal megalomaniac who was hell-bent on the destruction of the known universe.

‘I think it was his wardrobe,’ said his son Luke, drawing attention to his father’s prolific history of charity fun runs. ‘With hindsight, perhaps the black cloak and sinister breathing apparatus were less, “hey, I’m just your average Jedi seeking redemption” and more, “I can kill you with a glove”.

‘Calling his ride the Death Star was probably something of a misnomer too. Privately, he nicknamed her “Betty”.’

But Mail editor Paul Dacre has been surprisingly recalcitrant over the furore, refusing either to issue an apology, nor comment publicly on the matter. A holographic communication has been sent from the Daily Mail offices, but the content was unclear, due to both signal disruptions obscuring the message and the appearance of Dacre apparently shrouded in a large black robe.