COPING WITH EPILEPSY: WHEN COUNSELING DIDN’T HELP – ANGRY AT THE DOCTORS

“When there are other children, it is critical that each gets a share of the parents’ insufficient time. Each child should be made to feel special for a period of time, however brief. They should be taken out, played with, anything which is special for them, so they feel they still count. Parents need to realize that this handicapped child, who could consume thirty-six hours of every day, is not the only one who is important in the family.

“It is important for you as parents to understand that it is all right to be angry—angry at the doctors, at the system, at society-at-large. It’s all right to be angry at the child, even when you know it is not his fault. These are normal feelings, and you’re not a bad mother or father for feeling them. But you can’t let the anger be the controlling force in your life. You have to learn to keep it in its place. Just as I tell some of the teenagers, ‘Hey, life is unfair, but what are you going to do? What are your choices?’ when you explore your choices you realize that they are very limited. You can’t give the child back, although there are times when you might wish you could. There may even be times when you wish your child was dead, but he isn’t. These thoughts are not incompatible with your basic love for your child. It’s hard to put your child in an institution, even if you want to. Usually you’re trapped.

“It’s my job to help you find and use whatever resources are available. Solutions to some problems are obvious, but it’s hard for families to think of everything on their own. I’ve usually heard the problem before. It’s much easier for me to make suggestions about what you can do and where you can go for help. The work and follow-up is up to you.

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COPING WITH EPILEPSY: WHEN COUNSELING DIDN’T HELP – ANGRY AT THE DOCTORS”When there are other children, it is critical that each gets a share of the parents’ insufficient time. Each child should be made to feel special for a period of time, however brief. They should be taken out, played with, anything which is special for them, so they feel they still count. Parents need to realize that this handicapped child, who could consume thirty-six hours of every day, is not the only one who is important in the family.”It is important for you as parents to understand that it is all right to be angry—angry at the doctors, at the system, at society-at-large. It’s all right to be angry at the child, even when you know it is not his fault. These are normal feelings, and you’re not a bad mother or father for feeling them. But you can’t let the anger be the controlling force in your life. You have to learn to keep it in its place. Just as I tell some of the teenagers, ‘Hey, life is unfair, but what are you going to do? What are your choices?’ when you explore your choices you realize that they are very limited. You can’t give the child back, although there are times when you might wish you could. There may even be times when you wish your child was dead, but he isn’t. These thoughts are not incompatible with your basic love for your child. It’s hard to put your child in an institution, even if you want to. Usually you’re trapped.”It’s my job to help you find and use whatever resources are available. Solutions to some problems are obvious, but it’s hard for families to think of everything on their own. I’ve usually heard the problem before. It’s much easier for me to make suggestions about what you can do and where you can go for help. The work and follow-up is up to you.*234\208\8*

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