introduction
Today we are focusing on the second stage of the metta bhavana
practice – the stage where we try and cultivate loving-kindness
towards a good friend. Take a moment to think about how you have
found this stage of the meditation so far…
suggestions for practice
Similar to yesterday, we've got a couple of suggested approaches to
try in this stage of the meditation.
The first, a bit like yesterday, is to focus on appreciation, gladness,
and gratitude. What is it you appreciate and admire about your
friend? Try and make it as real and as accurate as you can. What
makes your friend unique, what is their particular, special quality – or
“sparkle”? Sometimes it is those who are closest to us that we can
take most for granted, so it is good to take time to really notice
someone and appreciate their good qualities.
Although, in a sense, doing the practice is about them, not about you,
it is still good to enjoy it! Allow any feelings of appreciation, joy, and
love! Look for any sense of contentment or ease or happiness and
allow the emergence of positive qualities and emotions.
The second suggestion is to focus on empathy and concern.
Particularly if there is challenge and difficulty in your friend's life, be
aware of that, bring it into the meditation. How might they be
experiencing life these days? What must it be like for them? Is there

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anything that might help, or at least is there a way you can let them
know you are aware and that you care?
a couple of things to watch out for
People naturally do this practice in different ways. Some people have
a strong visual sense and might “see” their friend in their mind's eye.
Others might hear their friend's voice. For others it might seem more
cognitive and reflective. Or it might be a “felt sense” in the heart or the
body. Or the practice might work through images that seem intuitively
“right” and significant, perhaps, for example, a sense of golden light
radiating out to your friend. It is not that one of these is “right” and the
others are “wrong”. What works is what works for you. What is
important is that you are trying to develop loving-kindness. You are
trying to connect with empathy and appreciation. You are, in a way,
simply trying to be aware of your friend and their life, though it is an
awareness imbued with warmth and concern. Whatever helps you to
do that is good.
Also, be aware of unhelpful expectations and a resultant
wilfulness. Sometimes people feel they aren't doing the practice
“properly” if they don't feel strong emotions right there and then. But,
again, we are all temperamentally different and some people will “feel”
more strongly and immediately than others. Doing this practice will
make you more alive to your feelings and emotions. However, there is
a distinction to be made between the kinds of wishes, intentions, and
aspirations you are encouraging in this practice, and a strong feeling
of love – which is felt more rarely. You can't make yourself feel an
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emotion through willpower. But you can plant seeds of positive
intention which will grow and fruit later.
There is now a 30 minute led-through meditation which focuses
especially on the second stage of the metta bhavana, although it also
takes you through the other stages. Try it and see how you get on.
And here is a suggestion for how to take the metta bhavana practice
off the cushion, and into your daily life. Have a look at this after the
meditation if you've got time, or come back to it later today. Once
again, it is adapted from Subhadramati’s book ‘Not About Being
Good’.
daily practice: reaching out
In the next day or so, do something for someone else where there is
nothing obvious in it for you; you could even do it anonymously. Make
the effort to take the person in and check, as best you can, that what
you choose to do is truly helpful. And do it as wholeheartedly as you
can.
Afterwards, review how you go on:
* What effect did your action have on you?
* What effect might it have had on the other person?
* Would you like to continue this practice of reaching out?

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Lastly, take some time to reflect on the third stage of the practice,
which we'll be looking at more fully tomorrow. Do you find the neutral
person stage easy or difficult, interesting or boring? What tends to
happen in that stage of the practice? We'll explore more tomorrow.
Don't forget you can also join-in, post comments and questions, and
hear how others are getting-on if you log in to the space on The
Buddhist Centre Online. There is also the daily talk from Vessantara,
as well as other talks and a daily film highlighting some aspect of
loving-kindness in action in the Triratna Buddhist Community.

Urban Retreat 2013 - Day 4

Vajragupta continues his exploration on the theme of loving kindness - as part of the Triratna Urban Retreat for 2013, 'Blazing Like the Sun'. The Buddha spoke of it like this: "Loving kindness, which is freedom of heart, it glows, it shines, it blazes forth." Loving kindness ('metta') is a quality that can be cultivated towards yourself and others as a new way to respond to the ups and downs of everyday life. Each day we'll go further into this quietly beautiful, radical practice. Join us for the Urban Retreat online, November 9-17! www.thebuddhistcentre.com/urbanretreat