It’s official: Satoshi Ishii is a dead man walking. Don’t call it a comeback, but Fedor Emelianenko was spotted on his return flight home from Holland donning none other than the Glorious Sweater of Absolute Victory, or as MMA Mania calls it, The Ultimate Sweater of Destruction. I’m not going to lie to you, Potato Nation, I had to paste that name directly from their article, because as I tried to type it, it was as if some otherworldly force took over my body, choked me within an inch of my life, and then forced me to smash the ice cream cone I was eating into my face. Weird.

The sweater, which was retired amidst an undercover attempt by the Russian government to assassinate “The Last Emperor” and use its powers to bring on a new Ice Age, has been the sole factor in Emelianenko’s recent three fight skid, which saw him submitted by Fabricio Werdum before being TKO’ed by Antonio Silva and Dan Henderson. After a recent, secret shift in the Russian power paradigm, Emelianenko told CagePotato in an exclusive and possibly fake interview that he feels safe to wear the sweater again, and looks forward to going on another 30 fight win streak that will culminate in a “two man enter, one man leaves” match against Dan Severn.

I consider Ishii to be a serious opponent; he’s a very strong guy and great wrestler. Plus it’s clear that he is able to utilize his best characteristics in the fight. I will have to adapt, I’ll have to see how Ishii will be moving around the ring during the fight, what will he offer me, and what will I be able to showcase myself. It will all depend on the situation in the ring.

Well one thing’s for sure, “God’s will” just got a hell of a lot stronger with the return of the GSoAV. So suck it, you cynics; there is simply nothing stopping Fedor’s inevitable return to glory, and it is only a matter of time until we refer to him as “The Undisputed UFC Heavyweight Champion of the World Colon Wicked Awesome Emperor Backslash The Real People’s Champ.com” You can call it fanboyism, but we’re calling it fact.

Cagepotato Comments

Showing 1-25 of comments

@danomite
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If that is true, and they did that, then lets go fight them 209 style. I'll bring Nate and Nick to officiate the rules.
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@ Oh Sensitive DangadaDang....please don't do that to me. You mean the world to me. Please come back Cinderella.

I once wore a similar sweater like that to an ugly sweater xmas party, and i arm barred everyone in the room. THere is no denying that power of those horizontal stripes, where is the Loney Tunes outfit?

jimbonics- December 27, 2011 at 5:49 pm

^^that

danomite- December 27, 2011 at 5:18 pm

who the fuck is mma mania to think they can come up with their own name for the GLORIOUS SWEATER OF ABSOLUTE VICOTRY?! Fuck those stupid unoriginal cunts in their giant beefy vaginas. Honestly, they didn't even try to hide the fact that they were copying CP. Ultimate Sweater of Destruction? God, that sucks. I'd go on their website to tell them how much they suck, but I wouldn't want to accidentally double their page views. Besides, there's no need to go over there to tell them since it is obvious that they read CP religiously. So I will just say this: Suck my dick, mma mania, you no good wastes of space.

Jeez, I've got Xeno so hot and bothered he can't even come up with original material. Now, tell me more about Jonathan Goulet's secret run on TUF. For reals though, this is the last time I will address you as if you are an actual person. Farewell to thee, Xeno.

XENOPHON- December 27, 2011 at 3:54 pm

@ Skeletor - this is a space cable from XhE-man

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Fedor is the best HW on the planet when it comes to MMA. I call out any other to find a post a more winning record from any other HW?
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Ps..my younger brother commented that Keldor is your true name. Is this also correct?
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Pss...fuck you Danga

HEY- December 27, 2011 at 3:45 pm

Yeah! Bwahahahahahahaaaa AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!

Buster Hyman- December 27, 2011 at 3:01 pm

id hate to be the hooker at the whore house he shows up to wearing that sweater.