The self discovery of a thirty something, single mother after finding herself weighing 20 stone and a sloppy mess!

Category: c25k

Today I had planned my long run, but my buggy hasn’t come back from the servicing place yet so decided to switch my runs around.

I set a minimum and maximum for each run based on the official London marathon schedule and the schedule created by the same people that did my half schedule.

Minimum today was 45 minutes easy (as per London) and 6 miles easy as per the other.

I set off my 6 in my head but after 30 minutes something felt wrong.
My hips started to hurt and I started to sweat terribly (not normal for a low HR run) blood sugar stayed steady but I just felt weak, so I listened to my body and did the minimum.

Both girls still have colds and are passing it back and forth to each other so I don’t want to put too much strain on my body and end up catching it myself (again)

Blood sugar pic only interesting for some, but fascinating for me as my body learns to utilise body fat as it’s main source of energy, not touching my blood glucose at all.

Doing all of those leg workouts yesterday really gave me an idea about running with sore/tired legs today and I realised that the lethargy and soreness only lasted for about 10 minutes so just have to push through
Considering making my legs tired for my long run on Saturday which is 16 miles (with a buggy)
If I can do that, I can do anything!

Today I wore my new skort, it’s a beautiful piece of kit and very comfy, but I put it on this morning and immediately began picking myself apart. I really dislike my belly, even as a preteen I disliked it, even though I wasn’t overweight at that age, due to not rotating my sites for insulin injections I began getting fatty deposits meaning my belly grew ‘fat’ even without being overweight.
It’s been the curse of my life, every item of clothes I wear is chosen based on its ability to hide my stomach. This skort DOES NOT hide my stomach in the slightest. It is Lycra and tight and I considered packing it up and sending it back.

Then I remembered why I needed the kit.
TO RUN A MARATHON.
A MARATHON!!!
In a few weeks, this body that I feel let’s me down by how it looks is going to do something amazing, something epic, and something that most people would never even consider asking their body to do.

I stopped focusing on my belly and focused on my legs, my strong muscular legs that are going to carry me for 26.2 miles, they are incredible, even with the cellulite.
I started looking at my arms, the arms that carry my 2 children, they are incredible, even with bingo wings.
I know that what I see doesn’t match what others see in me, and I know I’m not alone in that feeling.
I know that nothing really hides my belly, not a long top or a carefully placed accessory so I’m just going to get on with it and try to get over it.
My girls don’t see anything negative about me at all, they love every single bit of me without question and I need to start looking at myself through the eyes of those little girls, the people who matter.
Not a stranger in a crowd who’s opinion of me is irrelevant and who’s opinion of themselves will not shaped by my ability to love myself openly.