For all my life, I try to be a good kid towards my parents, but sometimes I feel like I get the bad end of the stick and this is probably because of my shortcomings. I should be having a job right now, however I have yet to get a job interview because of school and lack of experience. I learned from a class on how to do a proper interview, make a resume, and write a cover letter. But that isn't the real problem at all; it's probably a factor to why things had to go the way it should have been and I have only myself to be blamed, however it just frustrates me that there are some things I can't do anything about.

For one, ever since my younger brother got his driver's license, some things had changed, not just for him, for me as well. I wouldn't say it's the worst thing ever, but it's something that angers me and makes me feel depressed and regretful for not doing anything. But things happens as it should sadly.

So continuing on, after a few days, my parents buy him a used car, while my mom had to use the car I was using for some time. I was okay with that, since I didn't have work and my brother did. I was going to college full-time anyways and my family can take me to college. That's fine, I'm unable to go out much anyways, and my boyfriend can give me rides during the weekends, since we go to anime meetups together and hang out at his condo, I thought at the time. Until he got into an accident 2-3 days after he was driving that car. I was somewhat annoyed, since my parents' insurance had to go up and my brother didn't pay much for the repairs, even though he had a job. I shrugged it off anyways.

But things started accumulating. My college life got harder and I became stressed then I got sick a lot through out the semester. That inhibited me from studying, attending classes, and working hard. I felt a bit of depression, yet I trudged on slowly.

While that was going on, my brother started seeing the wrong type of kids ever since he got the car. It wasn't difficult to tell because of the smell that emitted from his room to my room. At the time, I wasn't sure what it was, but I figured that it was weed. (Now, I never smoked anything, except hookahs.) I tried to warn him in a not so tough tone, since he and I don't really interact much. Eventually, he got in trouble by the cops because one of his friend possessed drugs and it was in HIS car. My parents of course got mad at him and he had to go into community service for his first offense.

And sadly, that punishment and lecturing didn't go through his head at all. He got in trouble again for having dangerous weapons (In Maryland, it's against the law to carry around a hatchet in public). Once again, that didn't teach him. However, for this one, he got into an unforeseeable predicament. My dad arrived from work somewhat early. Early being around 8 pm; I forgot that my parents work their butts off for 12 hours and come home at 9 pm, which is a factor to why my brother has a lot of friends over. The police comes over at around this time and my dad answers the door. The police told him she was looking for a runaway and was told that the girl might be at this apartment. She then said that she wanted to see my brother. My dad allowed them to come in and I heard them knocking at my brother's room, since it was locked.

I came over after finishing some schoolwork and asked what is going on. The police told me and I then exclaimed to my brother to open the door. He soon opened the door, while I was working for a bit, and they all come in, finding a girl and bongs for paraphernalia. The policewoman told her to get up and get dressed (when I hear that I go again), and the other policewoman cuffed my brother. Both my dad and I were appalled. The police also then questioned how old my brother was and he answered 19. And apparently, the girl was 17 years old, a minor. So I thought at the time that was 3 crimes: 1. for harboring a runaway; 2. for the drugs; and 3. for statutory rape. My mom arrived home 30 minutes after all that was done and she immediately called my cousin, who was a lawyer. I told him what happened and he was surprised as well. My mom was really upset, when she heard how much trouble he got into. I felt really bad for her, since work already stresses her out and she didn't need this.

So in the morning, my brother gets picked up from the station. Luckily, the mother of the girl dropped charges for kidnapping because apparently, the girl's dad was the one who brought up the case and he wasn't around the state. I was told from brother that his dad monitors her facebook for everything she does. Her dad hates my brother, while her mom likes him. After all that, he was charged $100 fine for possession, which is freaking lucky, but that still didn't null the fact that he got in trouble. Yet after all that, he still gets to own the car. My boyfriend didn't understand why that had to happen and why I couldn't have the car even after all that. I told him probably cause I don't have work and he does.

Thanksgiving was near, and instead of going with my boyfriend to his family, I decide to stay with my family, since my relatives from Georgia are coming. I haven't seen them for a long time and I wanted to help my mom with anything. They both arrive late night, a day before Thanksgiving day. I greet them respectfully (my whole family is Korean) and my parents talk with them. Soon after that, my brother goes out of his room and they all asked him where he is going. He said that he needed to help his friend go back home, at 3 AM in the MORNING. Both my parents refused and my aunt, being the strict woman that she is, took away his keys and money. She then lectures him that he needs to listen to my parents. This goes on and on for 2 hours. I just couldn't believe he had the gall to give my aunt trouble at this time, since it took her at least 10 hours to get here by car.

However, it didn't end there. The next day, my brother demanded that he wanted to go out to his friends, but he wasn't allowed at all. I mean we were just about to go out to a restaurant with the whole family being there and he had to be the spoiled-sport about it. Even so, since my aunt had his keys, he couldn't do anything. We all went out without my brother because he refused to go. My younger cousin asked me where my brother was and I answered truthfully and briefly.

His tantrum continued on the next day, but this time his friends were over, waiting for my brother to come out, and my parents did not want him to go. My older cousins had to come over to lecture my brother and my cousin, who now works for the government, told him that he shouldn't be this way. They lectured him for 2-3 hours. Meanwhile, my parents wanted my brother's friends gone, but they lingered there and waited for him. I talked with them and told them all to go away, since this is private property, and stop causing trouble for my parents. They told me that my parents were gonna call the police and holding my brother down was not allowed.

And so at around 8 pm, the police came over to our house and told us that the kids called them to us. I explained to the police that my parents don't want my brother to meet with those kids because they think that they are bad influences toward my brother and is worried that he may get into trouble. They asked for my brother to come and talk with him. The police lectured him and basically said that he should stay with my parents to enjoy Thanksgiving with the family and should appreciate the fact that he has a family that cares. Then, the police talks with my brother's friends and they finally leave.

During that time, my cousins were both investigating and looking through his phone messages, since my parents gave them permission to (their bill, their phone). He told me what naughty things my brother has been up to - dealing drugs. My cousins told my parents and they got mad. My mom told me to delete all his contacts and messages and decided that he should go to Georgia with my aunt and uncle. So the next day, he was forced to pack his stuff and was to leave with them.

Sadly, the story doesn't end here. A few weeks ago, my brother visits and the reason for that was to get the car back. While he was gone, I was going around and hanging out with my friends. I felt relieved and happy at the time, but instead I get this news and I was sure angry inwardly. I complained a bit to my mom, but my brother needed a car to get around for work and such. When he gets here, my brother is a whole different person; he goes to church and prays before eating his meals. At least that was something good that came out of it, but I thought that still doesn't justify that he gets to have the car. I was just about to get a job myself, too, and taking the bus around Maryland is so time consuming and frustrating. It's not like New York at all, where there are bus stops everywhere. Also the fact that I was getting into cosplay at the time, so I need a car to go shopping. I don't want my boyfriend to take me to places and wait for me to pick out fabrics/clothes. I have things to do at my own time and he does, too.

So here I am, frustrated, angry, and somewhat depressed about the whole situation. I just don't understand why things had to be this way for me. I did nothing wrong, but at the same time, my actions of not doing anything has led me to this situation. I'm not even sure if I'm at fault here. Do I deserve this? I just don't know, but I should have known some things don't go my way... And that I'm the only person who needs to take control of my own life. I'm just too passive about everything, which is why my life is like this. I can't do anything, except stay home all day long.

Tl;dr version: My brother gets in trouble by the police 3 times and still he gets a car; I have urges to go shopping today, but I'm stuck at home, bored to death.

Your parents don't seem to be neglecting helping you with the car because they feel badly about you, but so that it's easier for them to deal with your brother. Your getting the short end of the stick because your the 'good kid', they know your not out on the streets sleeping with underage teens and dealing drugs but they have your brother to look after and deal with when he's well past the age of being a goddamn grown up and having his shit together. You have good family connections right now, and a boyfriend, both of whom are able and willing to help you out at this time. Your brother can't be trusted; he's got a pretty extensive criminal background at this point (and he's lucky he's got a job at all right now), and it's easier as a whole on your family for your brother to have a car then for your parents to take it away and he's hitching rides with his druggie friends.

It feels wrong, and not nice, and like your being punished for being good. But I feel like at in the end it's saving your parents a lot of grief and letting them keep track of your brother.

I am so sick of people tea-bagging in Playstation All-Stars. It's not funny, or clever, or original. It identifies or signifies that you're probably ten. If you win use the built in taunt. That's why it's there.

__________________
In like a bolt from the blue, it's time for the reaper review.

I am tired of every little problem that I have being "solved" by throwing pills at me. What happened to talking things out? ;-:

__________________

By getting just a little closer to you, I think I could find it out
Just so these days would never ever have to end without a doubt
Ringing in a tone that slowly died and never will restart again
And all at once, I know everything is gone

I am tired of every little problem that I have being "solved" by throwing pills at me. What happened to talking things out? ;-:

I can totally relate. A doctor started me on anti-depressants when I was fourteen with out even diagnosing me with depression. I saw a therapist a few months later and after over a year I got referred to a psychiatrist but all this guy was interested in was medicating me. At my first appointment he put me on three different medications and didn't even look into their side effects on people under eighteen. When I was seventeen he put me on narcotic sleeping meds and I became completely dependent. I saw a therapist but I was so drugged up nothing got through to me. When I was 21 I had a complete mental crash. I was on two anti-depressants, a mood stabilizer, two anti-psychotics, xanax and ambien. That is freaking ridiculous but I had no idea. I was just doing what he told me. When I got treated for the massive crash I got a new doctor who immediately started dropping down my meds and over a couple years got me down to just four. At 24 I'm less medicated than I was when I was eighteen, I have a great therapist and I have never been better. Unfortunately, the damage has already been done and I am completely dependent on sleeping pills. I have severe insomnia and some mental issues but my current doctor believes that had I been properly treated as a teenager I could have avoided my crash and dependency. Sorry I ended up venting too. >.<

Bottom line: Make sure your doctor knows what you want. If you want to talk it out and he just wants to throw pills at you, you might want to consider a different doctor. If you're uncomfortable with a decision get a second opinion. You should never ignore what a doctor has to say but you should be aware that he may be making decisions that aren't right for you. There is no blanket treatment for every one and sadly many doctors act like there is. Most people can benefit from talking it out and in a lot of cases find alternatives to prescription medications. Best of luck to you.

__________________
In like a bolt from the blue, it's time for the reaper review.

Your parents don't seem to be neglecting helping you with the car because they feel badly about you, but so that it's easier for them to deal with your brother. Your getting the short end of the stick because your the 'good kid', they know your not out on the streets sleeping with underage teens and dealing drugs but they have your brother to look after and deal with when he's well past the age of being a goddamn grown up and having his shit together. You have good family connections right now, and a boyfriend, both of whom are able and willing to help you out at this time. Your brother can't be trusted; he's got a pretty extensive criminal background at this point (and he's lucky he's got a job at all right now), and it's easier as a whole on your family for your brother to have a car then for your parents to take it away and he's hitching rides with his druggie friends.

It feels wrong, and not nice, and like your being punished for being good. But I feel like at in the end it's saving your parents a lot of grief and letting them keep track of your brother.

I forgot to mention that my brother, along with the car, went back to Georgia because my parents and relatives are worried that he will go back to his old ways here at Maryland. Plus like I said, my aunt is really strict.

Anyways, my mom and I made some compromises on the topic of vehicle usage. All I need to do is wake up early and drive my mom or with her to her job. Then I have to pick her up at around 8 pm, unless it's snowing, cause she doesn't want me to drive through that weather (instead my dad will pick her up). So everything has been resolved thankfully.

Not:
- (September) Inquiry - provides guesses on two measurements
- (September) Discuss details, etc - "It can be done for Katsucon" <= there is no "it will be done for Katsucon", especially after the following.
- (September) Payment/trade

Customer (one month later in Oct): How's the costume going?
Me: You haven't given me measurements. *gives suggestions on how/where to get measurements taken*

NO MEASUREMENTS WERE GIVEN between then and the entire next month.

Me (One month later in November + surgery): Asks for measurements
Customer: no reply

Me (one week later): Can you get me reference shots of the back of the outfit?
Customer: no reply

December - present (+ birthday and holiday/s) = me and a couple of my friends looking for reference images - and I'm still looking for references images today mind you.

Me (Jan): Started playing AC2, trying to find decent pictures of the back (<=this was mentioned).
Customer: Asks if he needs to buy his own accessories.

No help was given to find reference pictures.

Me (One week later): Okay, I have most of the fabric (only to find out today that I still need more fabric on top of leather, some ribbon and lace and whatever else that might be needed)
Customer: Cool (or something like that that)

Me (same week): There is a chance that it may not be done for Katsucon and if it is, you'll be missing the accessories for the time being.
Customer: *bitches about it*

THIS is a friend of a friend. Who, after four months of me ASKING HIM for measurements and what not and getting no replies or help on whatever I ask for and such, has absolutely no right to bitch about the costume not being done for Katsucon. Moreso, he shouldn't be bitching to our friends about spending money on this costume and "not getting a result 'in time' " because of such. If he has time to bitch and moan and if he has time to go out, he damn well has/had the time to get measurements done sooner and respond to my messages and what not. Seriously, it's not that difficult. Spend a dollar or two on a tape measure and have those two help. Go to the mall or a tailor/seamstress or Men's Warehouse and get yourself measured. Not a difficult task or concept. I do not have to be there, though friends whom I've made costumes for before were able to come over to get measured by me. And it's really not that difficult to send me a message or something to arrange for him to come over and get measured but I should not be the one who is like "Hey, you need to come over and get measured" because I had already been asking for measurements. Oh, and you absolutely do NOT ask me the progress of a costume when you have yet to provide me with what I need.

I should not ever have to be the one hounding the customer on multiple occasions for information that I need. I am also never the one who has to look for references. The customer knows what they want, they provide every detail of it (and if I have questions, I ask). It's like planning a wedding or getting a tattoo or something like that - the customer tends to bring in references for the artist or planner to work from.

If he was super concerned about the money he spent on his costume, he would've done what every other person I've worked with does and be involved and provided me with what I need and ask for. I'm sorry, that his costume may not get done, although I really shouldn't be sorry because I've been the one contacting him and so on.

I have no idea where to post this except here; I do apologize if I seem utterly random and nothing but a pity-seeker but I have nowhere else to ask for help and advice. I made an anonymous account for this because I really don't want to tell my friends and acquaintances on various networks (everyone is busy right now and I don't want to worry them since they will worry too much).

I'm someone who has technically been in cosplay for a long while (took a hiatus when I went to college but got back into again, hardcore). Cosplay has now become like an abusive boyfriend/girlfriend. When it's good, it's ecstasy. When it's bad, it's a nightmare. But when it's good, I feel like a god. It can be my motivator, my glory or it can set me off into depression (which worries me because I had recovered from diagnosed depression relatively recently).

It's no lie I want to make it "big" in cosplay. I'm ambitious as hell; everything I do, I better damn do it so well that I reach the top. It has been like this with everything in my life. And I should be happy about the stuff in which I'm now sitting on the top. Except I'm not. Because cosplay isn't one of them (and a few other things which fell apart during my depression but those are coming back together thankfully).

I don't think I should drop cosplay. It was one of the few things which pulled me out of my social anxiety and depression; it restored a measure of self-confidence in me and helped me make friends who ended up more valuable than family (goddamn feuds). Finishing an insanely complicated outfit and rocking it? It's an amazing sense of achievement. But sometimes I'm afraid it's a high I'm just chasing after.

When cosplay is bad....oh god it's bad. It brings up major body image issues I have. I have even seriously considered getting plastic surgery so I could get a prettier face and body for cosplay. I got lucky the consultation I got was with a good surgeon who did a bit of a psychological analysis to make sure I would be 100% okay with it. He ended up talking me out of it for the time being and telling me to wait on it since I wasn't in a good state to make a major, permanent decision.

I hate my face; I used to do crossplay when I started but when I properly hit puberty (late puberty, wtf), my face turned super-feminine but not "cute" (ie I would not make a convincing Madoka but I could certainly be Walpurgisnacht) or pretty to my standards. I'm going to get so much shit for saying this, but I hate my skin tone; I'd kill to be pale. I've always wanted to be paler, since my grandma told me about skin-lightening (we're Asian, okay, it's normal for us). When one of your earliest memories is your own grandmother praising you for getting lighter despite having phys. ed. in sunny weather, it makes a heavy impact. My body? Also going to get shit for saying this. I used to be fat. Like overweight, fatty fat, beached whale fat. It was unhealthy extra weight and it was ugly. When I hit early teens, I started growing (I also used to be below average in height). Stretching taller, heightened metabolism, and a health scare resulted in weight-loss down to average. The late puberty stage properly hit and I grew massive boobs, thus ruining all probability of convincing crossplay and fixing my weight firmly at low average. But I still feel like that ugly fatty; I have a bit of stomach pudge (like I can pinch my stomach) and it sickens me. I'd probably be anorexic if I didn't get physically ill and severely depressive from not eating. Sometimes, I wish I could be because then it would mean I'd have the "perfect cosplay body". Bulimia is totally out of the question because excessive vomiting would result in bad teeth which would be bad for cosplay. I exercise and try to eat healthy to get rid of the pudge but it feels so futile; I've lost weight off everywhere on my body (I can proudly say "I have no ass.") except stomach and boobs.

Also, boobs. I hate my boobs. Massively. I don't care if people pay for implants to get boobs like mine (people tell me this to try to make me feel better; IT DOESN'T WORK). It doesn't change they fact they totally doomed me from crossplaying except for very few (involving large coats and heavy binding). Boobs make me feel disgusting. When I see a lot of so-called "popular" female cosplayers (not naming anyone, you can figure it out for yourself), I can't help but notice their workmanship, posing, photography, and overall costuming is utterly sub-par but they're all admittedly very pretty and busty. I feel as though they're making it solely off of "sex appeal" and some of them have even owned up to it. Though I honestly don't care if someone else wants to capitalize off their own sex appeal (kudos to them for making it work), I am not someone who wants to be recognized due to sex appeal. I'm terrified people will look at me and just see "Boobs!" and completely ignore everything else I put legitimate work into. I don't want to be the person everyone looks down upon for just having "a pretty face and body and nothing else". Because I know I am worth more than that.

All this body anxiety is exacerbated whenever I see "good" cosplayers, the one with recognition and whatnot. The ones I really admire have excellent workmanship, beautiful faces, perfectly fit bodies, and awesome cosplay portfolios with characters of both genders. Workmanship I can do (and am pretty damn good if I do say so myself). Everything else? It feels impossible for me. I can't do crossplays because my body is obviously female and can't be convincingly hidden as such and I feel ugly all over. I don't think I can make it big unless I have all these things plus one more; all of the "major" cosplays who I admire and have met are wonderful people. Like they are genuinely good people on the inside and are willing to help out others in need (be it cosplay problems or life issues). After thinking all these ugly thoughts I have and reading the whole of it typed out? I feel ugly on the inside too.

I don't think I can ever make it big. I don't know if I even deserve to. And it hurts so much.

What the hell am I doing? I feel so lost.... My mom and dad left me and moved across the country leaving me with my real dad and stepmother... I don't know how to talk about this stuff to my little brother when he ask me questions.... I live in a community that's not open to things like anime and cosplay and,well, anything geek like. I try so hard to hide my habits and hide things like being gay (yes, my rants headed in weird places >:T ) but it's just so damn hard! I throw myself in useless relationships with guys I don't even like just to make the people around me feel less awkward while in the mean time I cry myself to sleep. I know I'm ruining myself and my happiness but I honestly don't know what to do! I be truthful, my family leave me and hate on me. I hide all this, I stay unhappy and quiet. My friends online just tell me to wait it out and it'll all get better when I move out but I seriously just cant.....God I'm pathetic.

What the hell am I doing? I feel so lost.... My mom and dad left me and moved across the country leaving me with my real dad and stepmother... I don't know how to talk about this stuff to my little brother when he ask me questions.... I live in a community that's not open to things like anime and cosplay and,well, anything geek like. I try so hard to hide my habits and hide things like being gay (yes, my rants headed in weird places >:T ) but it's just so damn hard! I throw myself in useless relationships with guys I don't even like just to make the people around me feel less awkward while in the mean time I cry myself to sleep. I know I'm ruining myself and my happiness but I honestly don't know what to do! I be truthful, my family leave me and hate on me. I hide all this, I stay unhappy and quiet. My friends online just tell me to wait it out and it'll all get better when I move out but I seriously just cant.....God I'm pathetic.

Your not pathetic. Your in a bad spot.

You know that your family does not support you and would possibly disown you for coming out as homosexual. That's not a problem with you, that's a problem with them.

Perhaps what your friends are trying to say is that if you feel that your health and safety would be at risk if you came out to your family maybe staying quiet about it is the best choice until such a time as you are financially responsible and can leave their home. That does not make you weird, or wrong, or pathetic. If you know that coming out could be bad and leave you possibly homeless or neglected then you have the choice to stay quiet.

In the meantime you can try getting work and saving up all your money so that if things do get bad you have plenty saved up. For example, if you worked 20 hours a week and made $7 an hour you'd be making around $700 give or take with taxes and all that. If you save up say...$500 a month and keep it in a safe place (I am not sure if you have your own bank account) then if something goes bad at home you'll have enough money to get by on.

It's a really horrible thing to consider, but if your parents are really that bad it's a possibility to plan for. If you have a job you can also be spending less time at home and away from them, and you might end up making pretty good friends at your job.

It sounds like the relationships your in are hurting you pretty bad and your feeling pressured to be in a relationship to look 'normal'. But if your hurting, and you don't want to be with these people, you would be better off single while you handle other issues in your life.

Do you know of a trusted adult you can speak with about all of this? Like a school counselor or a teacher? I am not sure if your college or high school at all, but you've got a lot of big stuff going on and being able to speak with a trusted adult could really help out.

I feel bad for a friend of mine. I haven't talked to her too much recently since she dropped her phone in water back in November, but every now and then we'll talk when she uses her Wii to go on Facebook.

Today she messages me that her boyfriend of a good 4 months or so broke up with her for one of the stupidest reasons I have heard. It was because he felt like they don’t really get to talk enough even though they see each other at school all the time, and they sometimes do things after school or on weekends. He felt that they should be talking on the phone more when he knows that her phone is broken. If he wanted to talk to her on the phone more, than he should have bought her a damn new phone! I think it’s a stupid reason, but my friend is more pissed than actually upset.

It kinda sounds like he wasn't verbalizing how he felt too well. From what I am assuming (and assuming is bad kids, don't do it like Emmers) he means that he doesn't feel a connection with her and wants to communicate more. Not necessarily speak more, but that he doesn't feel a particular deep connection when they are speaking.

It kinda sounds like he wasn't verbalizing how he felt too well. From what I am assuming (and assuming is bad kids, don't do it like Emmers) he means that he doesn't feel a connection with her and wants to communicate more. Not necessarily speak more, but that he doesn't feel a particular deep connection when they are speaking.

I can't say for sure, but she said "he said some stupid shit about not ever getting to talk to me" and mentioned something about it having to do with her broken phone. Which is strange because last time I talked to her, she was using his phone's Facebook app to talk to me, so they do at least see each other. It just seems like something so small to break up over :/

I feel bad for a friend of mine. I haven't talked to her too much recently since she dropped her phone in water back in November, but every now and then we'll talk when she uses her Wii to go on Facebook.

Today she messages me that her boyfriend of a good 4 months or so broke up with her for one of the stupidest reasons I have heard. It was because he felt like they don’t really get to talk enough even though they see each other at school all the time, and they sometimes do things after school or on weekends. He felt that they should be talking on the phone more when he knows that her phone is broken. If he wanted to talk to her on the phone more, than he should have bought her a damn new phone! I think it’s a stupid reason, but my friend is more pissed than actually upset.