On December 4, 2017 at 7:00pm, Josh Bryant will be hosting a free interactive webinar called Making the Family Budget. What does a budget have to do with the law? Great question! In short, a budget is a great risk management tool. A budget can help you manage financial struggles by "telling your money where to go instead of wondering where it went" (a famous Dave Ramsey-ism). Financial struggles can lead to all sorts of legal troubles: divorce, bankruptcy, foreclosure, eviction, repossession, wage garnishments, and more.

In the interactive Making the Family Budget Webinar, we'll discuss:

Money Troubles and

Relationships

The Bank

The Landlord

Other Lenders

Your Paycheck

Money Management and

Budgeting Tools

Budget Formats

Family Budget Meetings

Budget Frequency

We'll conclude with a unique time of question and answer where you'll not only have an opportunity to ask questions, but provide encouragement and your own best practices to others in the group.

Normally, a webinar like this would cost $10 per household unless you signed up for one of our membership plans. The Online Access plan would give you a 20% discount, so it would only cost $8 per household. I'm giving this one to everyone for free as if you were an Attorney Access member. See all the benefits of the membership plans I have available and subscribe for one here.

Sign up for this free webinar by Josh Bryant called Making the Family Budget by clicking here. Don't forget to use Facebook to note your attendance as well.

Slow down. Take a deep breath. These are the words I’ve repeated to myself over and over as every news app on my phone alerted me one after the other that the United States Supreme Court ruled that same sex marriage bans across the country are unconstitutional and that all states must recognize same sex marriages performed in other states. As I read the opinions in Obergefell v. Hodges, 576 U.S. _____ (2015), I ultimately couldn’t help but ask myself what this means for me as a pastor and lawyer. What does this mean for the church? What does this mean for believers?

The decision is summed up in one paragraph:

“Just as a couple vows to support each other, so does society pledge to support the couple, offering symbolic recognition and material benefits to protect and nourish the union. Indeed, while the States are in general free to vary the benefits they confer on all married couples, they have throughout our history made marriage the basis for an expanding list of governmental rights, benefits, and responsibilities. These aspects of marital status include: taxation; inheritance and property rights; rules of intestate succession; spousal privilege in the law of evidence; hospital access; medical decisionmaking authority; adoption rights; the rights and benefits of survivors; birth and death certificates; professional ethics rules; campaign finance restrictions; workers’ compensation benefits; health insurance; and child custody, support, and visitation rules. Valid marriage under state law is also a significant status for over a thousand provisions of federal law. The States have contributed to the fundamental character of the marriage right by placing that institution at the center of so many facets of the legal and social order.” (Internal citations omitted.)

In other words, since the state and federal governments have exalted marriage as beneficial as a matter of public policy, the Supreme Court has decided that it is public policy – not God – that defines marriage. Instead of values determining policy, policies now set values. How backwards? In any case, the decision comes down to the dollar to a large degree. Heterosexual couples get certain financial benefits as a result of being married – tax benefits, inheritance and property rights, survivor benefits, relief from certain campaign finance restrictions, workers’ compensation, insurance, child support – all of which are financial considerations. Other marital benefits are more situational – the right to tell one person something in confidence and keep it that way despite a Court order to testify as to what was said (spousal privilege), the right for one person to be with you in the hospital and by default make healthcare decisions for you if you are incapacitated, the right to adopt a child, the right to have the loved one of your choice on your death certificate, and so forth. The primary issue in this case revolved around whether same-sex couples should receive these same benefits as both a matter of personal choice protected under the due process clause and as a matter of equal protection of the law.

To put the debate on same-sex marriage to an end, the Court also addressed the question as to whether a state could refuse to acknowledge a marriage performed in another state. The Court held the states cannot. The ultimate summary is this – same-sex marriage is now legal in the United States and the only real way to change that is to amend the Constitution.

There are three primary things Christians should be concerned about as a result of this opinion. We should first be concerned with the regard held for the Word of God. Justice Kennedy quoted Confucius, not Scripture. This opinion obviously discounts and disregards God’s Word. Secondly, we should be concerned that although up until now people behaved contrary to the morality of God’s Word all the time, the conduct is now celebrated and solemnized as a matter of Constitutional law. Finally, we should be concerned for the spiritual health of orphans because this ruling explicitly references the ability of same-sex couples to adopt in its wake.

So how should we respond?

1. Learn why Scripture is the inerrant, infallible, and ultimate authority as the Word of God. If someone asked you why you thought same-sex marriage was wrong and you told them, “because the Bible says it is”, would you be able to articulate why the Bible is the ultimate moral authority? If not, check back later and I’ll have another blog post up to help you with that.

2. Hold fast to a biblical view of marriage. I am not saying that this opinion amounts to persecution of the church. However, holding to a biblical view of marriage while a majority of the country celebrates this opinion will likely result in some insult and persecution of individual believers. Prove yourself zealous for what is right and be prepared to defend the hope that you have. Hold fast, be blessed, and be ready to defend the truth of Scripture with gentleness and reverence. (1 Pt. 3:14-16).

3. Examine and adjust your own marriage to match the biblical definition of Scripture. We can be pretty quick to quote 1 Corinthians 6:9-10 when defending the biblical view of marriage. But let’s not forget that extra-marital sex, pornography, and adultery are other sexual sins listed as conduct unbecoming an heir of God’s kingdom. Husbands, let’s not forget that we are told to love our wives sacrificially and lead our families. Wives, let’s not forget that Scripture commands you to be subject to your husband. (Eph. 5:22-33). Let’s not forget that we are commanded to keep the marriage bed pure and undefiled. (Heb. 13:4) If we’re going to hold so passionately to a biblical view of marriage (as we should), let’s actually live it out.

4. Foster and/or adopt a child. I don’t want to convey that children raised by same-sex couples will not be loved and/or physically and emotionally cared for. However, it is safe to say that children raised by same-sex couples will be raised in an environment where regard for the Word of God is confused at best. Notwithstanding this ruling, there has never been an excuse for there to be a single child in foster care – both because the circumstances which put them there are inexcusable and because the church’s mediocre response to the needs of the orphan falls short of biblical exhortation. However, in light of the fact that this ruling was to some degree formulated so that same-sex couples could adopt, evangelical Christians should flock to the nearest human services office or adoption agency and raise those children in an environment where the Word of God is revered and cherished.

5. Bridle your tongue. Holding fast to a biblical view of marriage does not mean taking to Facebook and Twitter with scathing political commentary. I intentionally avoided social media for a while after the opinion was released, and the first post I saw after my brief social media fast claimed that this case marks the beginning of the Christian holocaust. Others say their renouncing their U.S. citizenship. Panic, anger, and alarmism reflect fear and trouble. They do not reflect the hope we have. They do not defend that hope gently or reverently.

6. Cheer up! I’ve had to examine myself as a result of my feelings after this opinion was announced. Who or what do I worship? Do I worship the biblical view of marriage? Do I worship the government of the land I was born in because it used to hold to a biblical view of marriage? Or do I worship a living God? Russell Moore made a great point: the Supreme Court can’t put Jesus back in the grave. He’s still alive! He’s still coming back for His church one day! He still offers to fill the gap between our imperfection and God’s perfection! He still saves! He still loves me! If we can’t rejoice and hope in these facts today because “five lawyers have… enacted their own vision of marriage as a matter of constitutional law” (see Chief Justice Roberts’ dissent), then perhaps we don’t truly grasp the all-surpassing greatness of these facts.

7. Don’t act defeated! You are not defeated! Jesus has overcome the world! (Jn. 16:33). While this opinion runs contrary to Scripture, it along with the Constitution that it purportedly defends will one day perish. But the Word of God stands forever! (Ps. 33:11, Is. 40:8, 1 Pt. 1:24-25). A defeated attitude is inconsistent with the ultimate victory of Christ and our resultant hope in Him.

8. Refocus your political energy towards religious freedom. Pragmatically, Christians cannot afford to stand defeated today. It is the height of naivety to believe that the more extremist proponents of the same-sex agenda are satisfied. They will continue their efforts to force Bible-believing business owners to violate their own conscience. They will continue their efforts to have religious speech manifest in the proclamation of the Word of God categorically redefined as “hate-speech” and criminalized in much the same way they have categorically redefined marriage as whatever the individual decides it is.

Justice Kennedy at least tried to placate those who disagree with him on religious grounds. He stated, “Many who deem same-sex marriage to be wrong reach that conclusion based on decent and honorable religious or philosophical premises, and neither they nor their beliefs are disparaged here.” Later, he wrote:

“It must be emphasized that religions, and those who adhere to religious doctrines, may continue to advocate with utmost, sincere conviction that, by divine precepts, same-sex marriage should not be condoned. The First Amendment ensures that religious organizations and persons are given proper protection as they seek to teach the principles that are so fulfilling and so central to their lives and faiths, and to their own deep aspirations to continue the family structure they have long revered. The same is true of those who oppose same-sex marriage for other reasons. In turn, those who believe allowing same-sex marriage is proper or indeed essential, whether as a matter of religious conviction or secular belief, may engage those who disagree with their view in an open and searching debate. The Constitution, however, does not permit the State to bar same-sex couples from marriage on the same terms as accorded to couples of the opposite sex.”

These are sentences that Bible-believing churches must cling to for dear life going forward. Churches should count this as a promise from the Supreme Court and vigorously hold it to that promise. This opinion means that states must recognize same-sex marriages to the same degree that they recognize heterosexual marriages. It does not mean that you or I have to recognize same-sex marriage as marriage, or that the church must recognize or perform same-sex marriage.

9. Pray. Pray for those in authority that the church “may lead a tranquil and quiet life in all godliness and dignity.” (1 Timothy 2:2). Should we be concerned about what this means for the sanctity of what God calls marriage? You bet. Pray for God’s kingdom to come and His will to be done in America and in marriage. Should we be concerned about what this means for children, especially orphans? Absolutely. Pray for orphans to be adopted into godly homes.

Life goes on. Remain in the Word and dedicated to the truth. Follow Christ. Remember and rejoice in the fact that Jesus still saves.

Sin wrecks lives. Think about your own life for a minute. How has sin messed you up? Sure, sin has separated you from God, but when you look at Genesis 3 when mankind fell to sin, you can see how sin not only messed up our relationship with God, it messed up our relationship with each other. Sin messes up everything, so when we put a bunch of sinners in a small group, the potential for conflict and the overflow of messy relationships inevitably exists.

Sometimes, that boils over into litigation. As an attorney, some of my most emotionally challenging cases were those in which a small group was involved. My clients were responsible for splitting small groups because of conflict. Some of them caused people to leave the church. Some of them killed small groups. When I think back on some of those cases, I see each affected small group either respond inappropriately or not at all. So what should small groups do?

Let's start with what small groups should not do. It is absolutely imperative that you do not take sides. A friend of mine once said in response to such conflict, "no matter how thin you slice the bacon, there are always two sides to every story." Now sometimes conflict exists within your group, such as when a couple talks about getting divorced or two business partners run into financial difficulties and need to dissolve their business. But many times, one of them will stop coming to avoid the awkwardness or won't talk about it under advice of their attorney. Either way, you very rarely get both sides of the story. If your group doesn't have the whole story, you may be taking a side you shouldn't.

If that isn't enough, when you take one side over the other, it is near impossible to do some of the things that small groups should do when conflict arises. When you pick a side, you make a judgment call, and the person whose side you are not on feels judgment. How do you show grace in that? When you chose a side, the person whose side you are not on is not just angry at the other person, they're angry at you. So how do you work to resolve the conflict when you have inserted yourself into it by choosing a side? Put simply, the best thing you can do is avoid choosing sides.

So what should small groups do? Put simply, you should be a peacemaker. Make peace between people who have conflict with one another in your group. Make peace between someone in your group with someone not in your group. Be a peacemaker.

Why? Because "blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God." Matt. 5:9. Because you follow Jesus and He is the prince of peace, not the king of conflict. Because if you don't, it could split your small group, or worse - kill it. Be a peacemaker.

How do you do that biblically?

PrayFar too often, blog posts offer a three step solution without bringing God into the solution. The truth of the matter is that in conflict, you're probably not going to know what to do. This is probably one reason small group leaders do not respond to conflict at all - they simply don't know how. James says in those situations to pray, saying, "if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him." James 1:5. Pray for wisdom for yourself as a small group leader. Pray for wisdom for those involved. Encourage those involved to pray for wisdom. Don't leave prayer out of the conflict resolution equation.

Discourage LitigationChristians must do everything they can to avoid litigation, especially against other Christians. A lot of people think that the Bible only prohibits litigation between fellow Christians. Certainly, Paul had a lot to say about that in 1 Corinthians 6. But Jesus said, "if you are presenting your offering at the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your offering there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother, and then come and present your offering. Make friends quickly with your opponent at law while you are with him on the way, so that your opponent may not hand you over to the judge, and the judgeto the officer, and you be thrown into prison." Matt. 5:23-25. The first admonition is to make peace with your brother before making an offering, but verse 25 is clear - make friends with your opponent at law. Not just your brother - any opponent at law. We cannot remain true to Scripture and encourage litigation.

That said, there are times when litigation is inevitable. We should not discourage people from answering a lawsuit that someone else brought against them. We should not discourage them from protecting themselves. So how do you both discourage litigation but avoid discouraging protecting themselves?

Encourage ReconciliationIf a member of your small group has been sued, they still must file an answer and prepare for litigation. That doesn't mean that you can't encourage them to seek reconciliation. Jesus commanded as much in Matthew 5 (see above). The least we can do is encourage people to seek reconciliation with their opponent. If two people in your small group are in conflict with one another, encourage them to reconcile, and remember - you cannot do this effectively if you have taken sides. Encourage counseling. Encourage solution focused mediation. Encourage a private session of binding arbitration. Encourage people do everything they can to avoid a public courtroom and potentially bring discredit or dishonor to Christ.

If someone in your small group has been wronged and conflict ensues, understand the great opportunity this is to demonstrate the grace we all as Christians have been shown. This is a great opportunity to show forgiveness. This is a great opportunity to share the gospel.

ConclusionConflict in small group is messy. We've talked about what not to do and what to do, but we haven't addressed some of the procedural things you can do. Read Matthew 18, and be looking for future posts on that procedural approach to conflict resolution within the church. And if you need help, let me know.

About Josh

I follow Christ. I have a beautiful wife Megan and three wonderful children, Harrisen, Rebekah, and Carter. I have an M.Div. from Liberty Baptist Theological Seminary, am licensed to practice law in several state and federal courts, and live in Rogers, Arkansas. I write a blog and produce a podcast. And I do it all that others may know Christ.

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