Jerry Hayes

Lord protect us the Nige and Bozza circus is coming to town

9 Aug 2014 at 12:03

I suppose that it is an elaborate celestial joke that the two politicians who are beloved of the masses because they are ‘normal’ human beings and not infected with the poison of Westminster are two of the most calculating and deeply cynical hucksters the the party system has spewed onto the electorate.

But hooray, let’s get out the bunting, chill the bubbly and lock up our daughters as the Nige and Bozza circus is coming to town, or rather trying to get to Westminster. I suppose I should be vaguely amused if my toes weren’t curling so much that they are liable to stab me in the heart. Good God are the electorate so psychotically dim with moral compasses spinning like whirling Dervishes that they think that these jokers are remotely equipped to take on the country’s problems? Well, I suppose the answer to that one is that some of these poor deluded loons, when they have pulled themselves away from the Jeremy Kyle show think the answer is a resounding yes. You can tell the cut of these guy’s jibs by their supporters. Nige has a former brothel keeper and Bozza has Nadine Dorries. I wonder which one gives the better public service.

But what I find so intriguing is when, if ever, will the public suddenly realise that these Emperors have no clothes. Bozza’s solemn promises are cast to the ground like used condoms on Hampsted Heath and Nige’s barmy army makes the London dungeon seem a barrel load of laughs. I know that this is the silly season where skateboarding ferrets and amusingly phallic vegetables creep into the papers, but are we going to have to put up with weeks of speculation of where they might be allowed to stand? Er, yes. Give me strength. And a large bottle of gin.