You have to be pretty hapless to get your bike stolen even once in Portland, let alone multiple times. I know because I've been there. The bike rack in front of the Whole Foods was filled with Rivendells secured by flimsy cable locks. People "lock" their custom whatevers with their helment straps while they get coffee. All of these people find their bikes still waiting for them when they return. I brought my own lock from home, and when I'd use it passers-by would stare in amazement and ask questions about it. An actual lock was clearly something exotic and mysterious to them--like an Asian person riding a bicycle.

So the best I can figure is that this guy is actually taping a "Take Me" sign to his bicycle.

Yet another thing I learned is that the dream of the '90s really is alive in Portland, just like they say in the "Portlandia" theme song:

Wasn't she in Babes In Toyland?

Oh, also, have you noticed that the dainty-handwritten-phrase-along-the-forearm tattoo is the new knuckle tattoo?

If you haven't, you're going to start noticing it now.

But most importantly, I learned that this guy likes to dress in "themes:"

"I like to dress in themes. So right now this is my Portland-I'm-On-My-Bike-I've-Got-My-Bike-Bag-Going-To-Get-Coffee theme."

This is remarkable, because the Portland-I'm-On-My-Bike-I've-Got-My-Bike-Bag-Going-To-Get-Coffee Theme is identical to the I'm-A-Suburban-Mall-Rat-And-I'm-Waiting-For-My-Mom-To-Come-Pick-Me-Up-In-The-Food-Court Theme:

(I'll bet you $18 this guy doesn't own a bike.)

Oh, and colorful socks on men are apparently a "thing" now, at least according to people who have lived in multiple states:

"This is my fifth state that I've lived in? So, I take a little bit from Virginia, I take a little bit from Florida, I take a little bit from South Carolina, a little bit from North Carolina, and some from Oregon as well."

That is a seriously uncool list of states.

But then again, as he says, "Bringing a lot of culture into Portland is what makes it so great:"

If this is indicative of the quality of Portland's cultural imports, that would certainly explain a lot.

"This is my fifth state that I've lived in? So, I take a little bit from Virginia, I take a little bit from Florida, I take a little bit from South Carolina, a little bit from North Carolina, and some from Oregon as well."

I don't know about you, but my life revolves around the comments section of this blog. Granted,I lost my job constantly checking for the next post... but it was worth it. PODIUM! TOP TEN! SCRANUS! WEED!

Today's post seems a little bit perfunctory or, to use another word that CJ will almost certainly need to look up, desultory. I am guessing that Snob was looking forward to settling in for a relaxing day with the Wednesday weed and he just couldn't be bothered to motivate beyond the Style section of the NYT.

Snob - your estwhile employer - "Bitchycling" had a great article about over-priced, trendy bike duds this month. Were you one of the models? Did you get any swag? If I don't look like I play the banjo for Mumford & Son, does that mean I'm not a biker anymore?

What a cop-out, an entire (short) post about one stupid New York Times video piece on douchelandia. Where's my riveting story arc, my half an hours worth of afternoon reading material? Oh btw, I'm the guy at the end of the video.

Believe it or not, I am far enough removed from the NYC Cat 6 race of life, that I don't find the need to prove I am BETTER or SMARTER than others because of an idiosyncratic vocabulary. Haven't you read any Howard Gardner??

I swear, some people like using obscure words, not because they are more descriptive or accurate, but rather because it gives them a sense of superiority that the masses don't even know what what they are on about. In my mind, an intelligent person can express their point persuasively to a wide audience.

Go memorize some useless 3 letter words to prove you a better person in scrabble.

wishiwasmerckx - And we still don't know whether CJ had to look them up. I am guessing he might not even know how to pronounce perfunctory or desultory. much less know their definitions.

And, CJ, it's not some Cat6 spirit of word competition that led me to choose perfunctory and desultory to describe today's post. Sometimes there is a perfect word (or, in this case, two words) to describe something. Or, to put it another way, why use a bunch of words when you can say one word and convey exactly the meaning that you want? It called economy of language. English is generally regarded as one of the best languages in this sense.

Believe it or not, I got a 770 on the sat verbal. Out of 100 college bound people, the SAT's say I'm smartest, well at least at words, math, reasoning. WHICH IS CLEARLY BUNCH OF BULLSHIT because I have crippled emotional intelligence and zero ability to empathize with others. My father was extremely pissed off that "I beat him", and challenged me to a series of chess matches.

Granted, I did spend several years intentionally killing brain cells. I have a theory intelligent people are less happy than simpler people. Plus head injuries.

BSNYC, I saw in the editors letter section that you monthly Bicycling column will now only "exclusively" be available on the IPad version and not in the actual print magazine. I don't care for that. Just thought I would share that with you.

It's a rare beautiful day this summer in nyc which probably accounts for today's brief post. I wouldn't have even bothered and would have just cut and pasted some wikipedia shit ala CJ. Wildcat, I hope you're currently enjoying a good ride while the rest of us schmucks stuck in in our veal fattening pens.

CJ suffers from some sort of tourette's, clearly - not that it in any way excuses him for being a dickhead and for suffering from chronic diarrhea of the keyboard. What's more, he's perfectly willing to dish it out, but he is COMPLETELY incapable of taking it. And he is a complete fucking asshole to boot. I think that about sums up his personality problems.

Returned from my pleasant lunchtime Central Park pedaling jaunt today to find a fresh from the LBS Bianchi Pista locked to my work building's bike rack bearing what I thought was a brand new Garmin Edge 510. So I left a friendly note suggesting that the owner unclip it and take it with them when they lock up. I just researched Garmin devices and it turns out that it's only an Edge 200.

So whether we're talking $320 or $130, I guess trusting everyone in midtown not to walk away with the expensive GPS device that you're using for your commute(!) is an indication that A.) The economy is doing so well that $130 is considered 'throw away' money, or B.) that this person has lived in New York for less than 6 months.

i'm sorry? Florida uncool? you mean this flat place that is warm, has and ocean and a gulf, is surprisingly bike friendly and is covered in skinny tan outdoorsy surfer type chicks that are kind of into having fun and don't seem to have absurd expectations of guys?

Have the editors given no thought whatsoever to the deleterious consequences of dog paws on touch screens?

I can only conclude that this is sn ill-advised ploy to secure your eligibility in an obscure Pulitzer category thereby goading Ms. Rabinowitz's resignation from any club that would have her and you as members.

You guys arguing about big words - Are you posting comments online or is this a conversation while facing each other in a circle jerk? Because if you guys are in a jerk contest you might want to tone it down with the vocabulary, I'd really hate for you to loose a boner while trying to top each other.

Oh ma lawd, the goddamn pub bike rolls past my office several times a day and all them id-yits all go WOOOOOOOOO and all the id-yits sittin outside the hipster bar on the corner all go WOOOOOOO in mutual self-congratulation when they all catch sight of each other. SAD.

Not as sad as the way the NYT keeps having to give Portland these little blowjobs though, even though nobody here is really, like, doing anything in particular? Oh you wear clothes and stuff... Great news!

Can't bring myself to watch the video though, because I know I'll have permanent strabismus from rolling my eyes so ferociously. Plus I'm AT MY JOB and wearing a cotton button-down shirt from K-MART, that's right motherfuckers, K-MART, which by the way has served me well for years, whether I was charming the pants off a hottress or attending your hairy-ass grandmother's funeral. (Only difference is whether you iron it or not.) Anyway one of these days the NYT will do a "people doing their goddamn jobs in a perfectly adequate K-Mart shirt" piece and I'll be interviewed for that shit and I'll talk about how this is my "I just want to cover my body to the minimum extent required by law, social convention and my employer's dress code" theme.

McFly -- You know what that is with the "organ?" He's trying suuuuuuper hard to say it the way the locals say it, after spending 21 of his 22 years (or however many) saying it the way they say it in all those states he used to be in. Which I'm pretty sure is "OR-a-gawn."

Fave quote of the day: "sir, the FL lifestyle is a Premium Lifestyle."

This is remarkable, because the Portland-I'm-On-My-Bike-I've-Got-My-Bike-Bag-Going-To-Get-Coffee Theme is identical to the I'm-A-Suburban-Mall-Rat-And-I'm-Waiting-For-My-Mom-To-Come-Pick-Me-Up-In-The-Food-Court Theme

You know what that is with the "organ?" He's trying suuuuuuper hard to say it the way the locals say it, after spending 21 of his 22 years (or however many) saying it the way they say it in all those states he used to be in. Which I'm pretty sure is "OR-a-gawn."

Are you posting comments online or is this a conversation while facing each other in a circle jerk? Because if you guys are in a jerk contest you might want to tone it down with the vocabulary, I'd really hate for you to loose a boner while trying to top each other.

U R Fucking Idiot. Tonight we make bike.Use small words like "Fox News".

It's not just playgrounds. With my state declaring it's perfectly acceptable to bring your gun into a bar, I'm actually beginning to wonder if the NRA is just a well-conceived front-group promoting population control.

Howard Earl Gardner (born July 11, 1943) is an American developmental psychologist who is the John H. and Elisabeth A. Hobbs Professor of Cognition and Education at the Harvard Graduate School of Education at Harvard University, Senior Director of Harvard Project Zero and author of over twenty books translated into thirty languages. Since 1995, he has been the co-director of the GoodWork Project. He is best known for his theory of multiple intelligences, as outlined in his book Frames of Mind: The Theory of Multiple Intelligences (1983).

Gardner's theory of multiple intelligences states not only do human beings have several different ways of learning and processing information, but these methods are relatively independent of one another: leading to multiple "intelligences" as opposed to a general intelligence factor among correlated abilities."

Dooder is interesting. If I could force people to read 3 books, they would be:Frames of Mind: Theory of Multiple Intelligences. Gardner

Apparently anonymous @ 5:35 is saying that no one is an idiot, we all just have different ways of learning and processing information. Some more usefully than others, perhaps. So anonymous @5:27, I would say you are incorrect in your assessment, however, I will defer to Leroy's dog for the definitive conclusion.

No I'm actually black and the first time it was stolen was because it was stripped after I spent a shit ton of money on it. I live a few blocks from there where your shit gets stolen. It gets stolen because people racially profile white neighborhoods and think they are "safe" or you won't get shit "stolen". So.... of course meth addicts will take your bike.

What's really stupid about those 16-person beer-themed party bikes is that YOU CAN'T DRINK ON THEM. No open containers in the state of Oregon (or Washington either). So you ride around aimlessly for a while, and then go into a brew pub. It's like a tavern with a $95 cover charge. In Amsterdam and London, you can at least get tanked up while you ride.

Hi, this is Eric Cruse, yes my bike was stolen. Because people racially profile white neighborhoods assuming they are places where your shit won't get stolen. So it's a perfect place for people to get away with theft. As far as mall rat's punk ass little comment. I am African American. There is no irony to that. What is ironic is the fact that comment wasn't really that funny. Schnarff schnarff

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About Me

While I love cycling and embrace it in all its forms, I'm also extremely critical. So I present to you my venting for your amusement and betterment. No offense meant to the critiqued. Always keep riding!