Questions Of Identity For A Transracially Adopted Child

Recently my family and I went to an Ethiopian multicultural fair in Los Angeles that was sponsored by the Ethiopian community. Our 2-year old son, The Littlest E, is originally from Ethiopia and my husband and I felt it was important for us to go and be a part of this annual event celebrating the many cultures of Los Angeles, as well as the Ethiopian New Year (which is September 11th). There is a sizeable Ethiopian population in LA, and when we arrived, the streets of Little Ethiopia were packed.

It was wonderful to be there and see so many people having a good time. It was a bit too crowded to let our little one run around, so we walked up and down the street listening to a concert of traditional Ethiopian music and watching the dancers. The dancers, moving their shoulders up and down in rhythm with the music, entranced our son. I think I had more fun watching him watch them! I was having a good time, but there was a teeny tiny part of me that felt a tad out of place being there. I didn’t have any real reason only my insecurity at being a white mom of an Ethiopian child. It felt like I was eavesdropping on a private conversation and it made me wonder what the other attendees were thinking, at least those who looked at us. We are a family that sort of stands out. Most people paid us no mind and were engrossed in their own experience. I got over my uneasiness and enjoyed myself.

Going to the fair got me thinking though, about our son’s identity. He’s an Ethiopian born toddler adopted by two Caucasian parents, and he’s soon to become an American citizen. How will he identify himself, as he gets older? Will he consider himself an Ethiopian American, African American? Will his color matter to him? Where will he fit in? How will he fit in? I remember being at my husband’s church a few months after we brought The Littlest E home with us. One of the parishioners came up to me and told me to raise him as an American. I didn’t quite know what to make of that. Was she suggesting we deny his heritage and pretend he’s not Ethiopian? Of course we’ll raise him as an American because we are Americans and live in the United States, but we won’t deny him his heritage or culture. Both my husband and I love Ethiopia – the people, the history, the culture, the food, so why would we not be open to our son exploring the country where he was born?

We will keep all options on the table for our son and expose him to a diverse life, with diverse communities, especially the Ethiopian community. As it stands now, we participate in a monthly lunch at a restaurant in Little Ethiopia with other Ethiopian adoptive families and there are two organizations (Ethiopians for Ethiopians and the Little Ethiopia Cultural Resource Center) that have reached out to our adoptive community and offered our children classes in music, language, traditional dancing, history, and cooking so that our children can keep their heritage alive. One of the women from Ethiopians for Ethiopians approached us at the fair and gave us a pamphlet. She was very welcoming. My husband and I are excited at the prospect of The Littlest E learning about Ethiopian culture.

As our son gets older, he may or may not express an interest in Ethiopia, or he may be fascinated and want to learn as much as he can. We don’t know at this point. Only time will tell how his life will unfold and what path he will take. What we need to do, as his parents (especially since he’s adopted from another country), is to make sure he has as many avenues open to him as possible and support him in his endeavors. Perhaps, if we love, nurture, and provide him a home where he’s safe to develop and grow, and keep the lines of communication open so when issues arise, he knows he can ask us tough questions, he’ll gain enough self-confidence, the question of his identity won’t be a question at all.

2 Responses

I think, unfortunately, that one thing you’ll have to do is have conversations with him about how he’s perceived by others, especially as he grows older. To many, he will simply be Black, and upon his shoulders will rest all the stereotypes and prejudices that accompany that. He will have to be taught what other dark-skinned people living in the U.S. learn from their communities: how to interact with police when he gets pulled over (and that he will get pulled over more often and for no reason), how to feel when he sees women holding their purses tighter or crossing the street, how to deal with assumptions about his family of origin, educational background, and goals for the future.

And with any luck, the wonderful, loving, supportive environment you’ve provided for him will give him what he needs to stand tall in the face of this reality, and help him to integrate it into his identity.

I couldn’t agree with you more. I wrote a more recent blog about how the death of Trayvon Martin hit close to home for me because that could have been my son. To the world, my son is black, and yes, he’ll unfortunately have to be taught that he may be pulled over when driving purely because of the color of his skin. He’s probably going to be pretty tall so women may cross the street because of him. So many things we’ll have to discuss with him as he gets older. We’re fortunate to live in a city where there is racial diversity and we have numbers of friends who are multi-racial. My hope is that when those issues come up, if my husband or I cannot provide an answer, we’ll have the resources to do so. Thank you for reading my blog and taking the time to post a comment. I hope you’ll stop by again.