The Gingerbread Housing Report

What once seemed like the worst gingerbread housing crisis this nation has ever seen, has finally taken a dramatic turn toward a full recovery. According to this month’s housing report, sales of gingerbread homes for the month of December have shot up an incredible 2000% over the previous month. This breaks the drought of near zero growth that has plagued administration officials for almost eleven months.

“Not going to lie, it didn’t look too good over the summer,” said Department of Gingerbread Housing Deputy Assistant Secretary William Bates. “But now we’re finally starting to see some traction in the market. This is just the beginning. The administration expects even better news throughout January and February.”

Indeed, analysts are predicting huge numbers in the coming months.

“Our computer models are forecasting this trend to not only continue, but to steadily improve in the coming year. That’s right. You heard it here first. Gingerbread house sales have not peaked yet. I repeat, they have not peaked,” said Franklin Drummond, of investment firm Drummond and Drummond. “Look, I don’t usually make predictions as bold as this, but I swear on the lives of my children that these numbers will continue to climb well beyond June.”

Such optimistic talk has spurred the flagging manufacturing sector as well.

Icing and gumdrop manufacturers, the backbone of the mighty gingerbread housing industry, have reported a sharp increase in production. Gumdrops have been bouncing off assembly lines at a record pace all throughout the Sugar Belt region of the country. Even peripheral suppliers are starting to rebound.

“We’ve been supplying insulation for these homes for decades,” said Kevin MacAllister, owner of Fun Time Cotton Candy Co. “And for the first time, I feel like we’re going to be able to give bonuses around here. In fact, things are going so well, I’ve put my whole life savings into opening a second plant in March.”

New home construction has also been given a boost, with popsicle stick scaffolding now dominating a landscape where lots once stood empty. Developers are so confident in the market that many have begun beefing up their confectionary plans.

“I was going to create a nice little gingerbread village of three to four units, but now that everything’s going so well, I’m going to put in a frosting lake and lollipop forest. The frosting lakefront homes are going to raise the value on all the other properties down in the forest. I wouldn’t have dreamed of this kind of expansion even a month ago,” said Gladys Ianelli, of Rochester, New York.

Habitat For Hunger, the non-profit group that has built thousands of gingerbread homes for under-glucosed individuals since it was founded in 1989, has seen a dramatic rise in volunteer help.

“We believe everyone deserves the key to their very own gingerbread home,” said founder, Frances Clifton. “And now more and more people are beginning to agree. It warms my heart to see so many giving individuals show up every day with their sleeves rolled up, ready to get their hands sticky.”

Only time will tell, but it appears as though the gingerbread housing market is finally poised to explode the way administration officials have desperately hoped it would.

And, so it looks as though we’re in for many, many more months of gingerbread men shoveling icing off of driveways and fixing gumdrop lights along the windows of their homes. No more will they lie awake inside their gingerbread bedrooms in the middle of the night, wondering when things will improve. It seems those troubles have melted away faster than the sugary snow-topped roof of a home placed a little too close to the fireplace.