How to Teach Your Child to Have Self-Control Over Their Thoughts

“Mom, I just can’t stop thinking about Minecraft. My mind keeps wandering with the possibilities, what I can do with it, how I can build this house, what other structures I can build. I can’t think about anything else!”

So was the breathless excitement in my 9 year old’s voice this afternoon as he described his favorite new app that he had played on a friend’s iPad. After begging me to download it on our iPad countless times, I decided to have a little talk with him about having some self-control over his thoughts.

The word “self-control” sometimes seems misleading–after all, it is the Holy Spirit that works in us to “will and to act according to His good purpose.” But truly, this word is used many time throughout Scripture, it is even listed as a fruit of the Spirit.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law. Galatians 5:22-23, NKJV

I am the kind of person who sometimes lets her thought run wild, uncontrolled and undisciplined. Not *usually* about anything horrible but thoughts that distract me from the task at hand or aren’t productive or encouraging.

I am slowly learning the skill of “taking my thoughts captive” and am wishing I’d learned this discipline when I was younger. I’d like to teach our children this practice and so this is what we talked about with our son and are four good things to remember, I think, about having self-control over our thoughts!

Some people are more analytical in their thinking. It might be part of our child’s personality to mull over troubling or “pointless” thoughts. However, when we let our thought life run free, it can lead to unhealthy or destructive thinking as our kids get older.

There are Biblical exhortations for using self-control in regards to our thoughts. Take for example this verse from 2 Corinthians 10:5 (NASB):

“We are destroying speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ.”

This is a present tense, ongoing event, both as we defend the faith (the context of the passage) and as we seek to have self-control over our own thoughts (an application for Christians of all ages!)

The Bible gives us guidance on what to think about. Whatever is true, noble, right, pure, lovely and admirable, these are the things we are to meditate on (Philippians 4:8). While we won’t think rightly all the time (after all, we are still sinners), this is a discipline that develops as the Holy Spirit transforms us in our Christian walk.

Out of the heart the mouth speaks. Whether good or bad, the things we say reflect the condition of our heart. As the Spirit works in our children (and us), and as we take our thoughts captive, these very thoughts overflow into the way we speak, bringing our words into harmony with our thought life. When we grow as believers, God transforms us into the “image of Christ” and we find ourselves becoming more self-disciplined and self-controlled in this area.

I want to speak to the fact that we believe that if our children learn to bring their thoughts under control when they are young, it will help them to be self-controlled in their thought life when they get older and are tempted by a lot of thoughts that are not virtuous (even stronger issues such as po*nography and the way they dwell on the opposite gender). This is all a work of the Holy Spirit of course, so as you pray over your children be encouraged that God will work in them!

Self-control of our thoughts is a discipline that adults are still learning, so don’t feel like a parental failure if your child spends lots of time dwelling on various distracting or discouraging thoughts (like not being able to quit thinking about a video game or a certain fear that keeps them up at night).

While constant discouraging or negative thoughts may reflect a more serious issue, these “runaway” musings are usually just a part of a child’s growing up, as they learn in a broader sense to sort out what is important, what they can do something about and what simply needs to be left to the Lord!

By helping our kids learn to take their thoughts captive and praying for God to help them not to be scared or think of other more peaceful things, they will grow in wisdom and knowledge of what is truth and what is a lie or simply unproductive thinking.

Step by step, it is such a blessing to lead our children and watch them being led by the Lord in the virtuous way.

Hi, I'm Jenn! I'm happily married to my college sweetheart, mother to four wonderfully spunky children and a woman who needs a whole lot of Jesus! I spend most of my time taking care of my home and family, reading good books, blogging and dreaming up ways that I can finally have a perfectly organized home--ha!

Comments

I really love this post! With a sweet but fiercely independent three year old I’m finding its time to start intentionally working on our thoughts and expressing emotions. Stopping by from the fb blogging community and glad I did! God bless!

That’s great that you are being intentional about this, Courtney! I have to admit I did not start doing this as early on with my firstborn and we are really only getting into the meat of this now (he’s 9). It’s been helpful for me to take notice of this with our younger kids too (we also have a 3 year old–fun!). Thanks for stopping by :)

Jenn, what an important area of parenting this is! Thank you so much for this honest post. Teaching my children to control their thoughts has not been something which I have been intentionally doing (though it has been something that I have been struggling with as an adult). This post is encouraging me to start this training young and to be intentional in encouraging them to exercise discipline over their minds through the power of the Holy Spirit. Thank you and may God bless you and your family!Anna recently posted…From God’s Heart to Your Child’s Mailbox: 10 Love Notes Every Parent Should Write