Try not to be alarmed.

In 2009 I was 31, in a long term relationship, smoking regularly, working as a theater technician most months and blogging like it was my full time job. I had two black cats, no kids, and an apartment in Flatbush with my own little office that I diligently hid myself away in every day instead of going out. It’d been about 15 years since I had been on any kind of trip that anyone would call a vacation. I made just enough money to pay the rent and bills. My hair was cut short and I only owned one dress for special occasions which I always managed to avoid on said special occasions.

I had a pretty serious routine. I think some people call it a rut.

In 2011 I am 33. My long term relationship ended in 2010 and I moved out of my Flatbush home with the cats and office. I quit smoking on January 3rd (no deaths to report). I quit my job sometime in March and since then have visited San Francisco, Seattle, St. Louis, Chicago, D.C., Philadelphia, Charleston and Hartford (yes…. Hartford). My blogging didn’t just go to the back burner, it fell of the stove. I’m broke and can’t pay a single bill now, but I’m rich with experiences like climbing the multiple high places our American cities enjoy building (i.e. Space Needle and the Gateway Arch). My hair hangs down to my lower back, I own 8 dresses and 2 pairs of high heels.

But the doozie? I’m seeing a man (who just might be the one) with a 6 (and a half) year old son. In case that doesn’t sound as epic as it is, please understand that I am that friend of yours who has never even held a baby except for that one traumatizing time when I was 12 and dropped one on her head. (Side note: I recently met up with her and am pleased to announce her head is not misshapen and she can form full sentences.)

It has taken me over 6 months to write this. How does one express in words a complete restructuring of their life? I also struggle with the guilt of not documenting every single move I’ve made since the changes began, but I am grateful to have a lot of those memories piled up like dead bodies in some corner of my brain. Though I have a feeling, with the renewal of my blogging life, I’m going to have a few zombies.