A politician went into a D.C. pizzeria to order a pizza. After ordering, the man behind the counter asked how would you like your pizza cut, eight or twelve slices. "Eight please" said the politician, "I could never eat twelve!"

A man wakes up and finds himself in a hospital room, isolated from everybody else. He has no recollection of what happened or how he got there. Suddenly his bedside phone rings and the doctor on the other end identifies himself, and tells the man: "I have some really bad news for you. You're very sick. After you collapsed yesterday, we ordered several tests and we just got the results back. I'm afraid you have Avain flu, Ebola, Tuberculosis, Bronchitis, Diphtheria, Leprosy, Measles, Scarlet Fever, Syphilis, MRSA, Whooping Cough and you're positive for HIV and Hepatitis." Shocked at the results, the man asks "What's next and what are you going to do?" The doctor replies: "Well, we're going to put you on a very strict diet of just pizza." The patient then asks: "Is that going to cure me?" "Not at all", the doctor responds. "But it's the only thing we can fit under the door."

Pizza Puns

How do you fix a broken pizza?With tomato paste.

What does an aardvark like on its pizza?Ant-chovies.

Why did the man go into the pizza business?He wanted to make some serious dough.