The IT Guy

When I think of the IT guy? I want him. In a more-than-friends, not-supposed-to-when-I’m-married, definitely NSFW kind of way. I’ve known him for years–since 2007–and haven’t always had this feeling. I thought he was slightly immature. That he just had a random schoolboy crush on me. That it was it.

But before I decided to move from the state, something clicked between us. We were hanging out more (as friends). We were developing feelings (as friends). And I threw out a few harmless flirtations… Turns out, the minute I left? Is when we both decide we want each other in the same NSFW kind of way.

When I saw him this last time? That boy had grown up. Hell… he was down right appetizing. What had I missed before? His hands. His arms. Suddenly those hugs he used to give me felt twice as amazing, twice as hot, twice as…well..you get the idea.

I wanted to fuck him.

It’s been like this since I left from the last visit. Why am I suddenly so infatuated? I hardly can keep his attention for more than a few seconds (via text or email). I’m not a first priority for him (though he is for me most days). Why can’t I shake him? (And why can he so easily shake me?).

I want to put a label on it. Say that this is just some sort of unattached fuckery. That what we’re doing is just being selfish and getting the sort of sexual attention we want, but aren’t getting from elsewhere. But sadly, I think I’m more attached than I let on… and I worry about where that will lead me (and then I keep thinking about his smile, his face, his hands as they hesitate to touch me… when they move over my skin. His lips when they press into mine… and I am utterly lost again.)