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imperfections

Ugh. My last post talked about resolutions and how I would share them with you. Here I am, 24 days later, still trying to write about my number one goal. Sure, it’s better late than never, but that’s really no excuse for over three weeks of silence. My apologies.

Anyway, my number one goal. Are you ready for this? To be okay with myself.

I’ve screwed up quite a bit in my twenty-some odd years of life, and there are things I regret more than I could ever possibly let you know. In fact, I still struggle with one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever had to make that happened in September of 2013.

It took me a long time to forgive myself for my decision (I’m still working on it), although I felt that it was the best decision for myself and others around me at the time.

When I start feeling awful about things I’ve done, I have to remind myself that I’m human and it’s okay to make mistakes. In fact, I find the following song to be of great comfort when I start being hard on myself:

The song is “Human” by Christina Perri. Sometime we can just be too hard on ourselves because of own views of ourselves or letting someone else’s opinions get the best of us. I have had problems letting go of regrets (and grudges) and forgiving myself for mistakes. Well, it’s time to finally make peace with myself.

There’s no point in going through our lives disliking or even hating ourselves for our decisions. Things work out like they are supposed to in their own time, even though it seems like it can take forever to see it.

I used to have (too much) pent-up depression related to my relationship with my mother. For a very long time, I thought something was wrong with me because my mother raised my older sister but not me. I couldn’t figure out why I wasn’t good enough for my mother.

It wasn’t until just a few years ago that I realized it wasn’t through some fault of mine. I had a better life with those who raised me than I would have ever had with my mother and I was loved more than I could have ever imagined. My mom loves me in her own way but we just don’t get along. But that’s a story for another day.

Too often, we all let other people’s opinions get the best of us. I feel like I’ve gotten better at accepting that some people just won’t like me, but I still struggle from time to time. Then I ran across the following saying by Bill Bullard:

“Opinion is really the lowest form of human knowledge. It requires no accountability, no understanding.”

Those words are really powerful for me. Someone’s opinion of you or your decisions can be baseless. People do not need any background information or to understand what you are going through to form an idea of the type of person you are.

People are able to come up with some idea about you without ever knowing anything about you and you don’t owe them anything. People don’t need anything from you to make judgments. And you don’t need their opinions of you to be favorable.

This year, I want to make sure I remember that I am enough. No matter what I do or the situation I face, I am enough. No matter what others think, I am going to do my best to be okay with who I am. We each have our own battles and hard decisions that others will never understand.