Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Only Work Will Tear You Apart

So yeah, its been a while again. It's been a rough month and I've been trying to work through some things so I haven't been posting. My bad, but that doesn't mean I haven't been taking shitty pictures with my phone.

I have no idea why Brad thought it'd be a good idea to play beach volleyball on a Sunday but there were enough of us to play a nice set of 4 on 4. We were all hungover, fat, and just a fucking mess playing. It was a sad day for sports as is the case when a bunch of drunk assholes all have no shame in showing off their disgusting farmers tan.

Celebrated Joey Potts' bachelor party over at the Whole where I would make a ton of food for the homies as they drank a ton of everything and anything they can find downstairs. To show his long time appreciation for shit beer, here is his ode to his favorite Baltimore beer courtesy of Dj Pickel.

All of the guests being nerds, we decided to go to Empourium finally and play broken video games and continue to drink. The bar is aiiiight. Almost every single game had something wrong with it, but what do you expect when pre pubescent males bang out sexual frustration on Q-Bert and Galaga?

So after being weirded out by seeing girls at an arcade bar and walking around with Atari boners, we headed over to the Happy Village...this is where I would start the slow digression to blacking out. They have an awesome back patio that makes any hipster feel at home complete with ironic and vintage everything.

So all during dinner and the few bars we hit up, a sex drawing book was passed around to all of the guests. Now I know artists have a reputation for having vivid imaginations issues with life, hence our career choices but this illustration of the proud male with elephantitis penetrating a horrified woman makes even me cringe a little. Plus those veins are pretty on point.

I decided to surprise someone with cupcakes downtown and read/heard a lot about Sprinkles. What I didn't expect was a fucking line of people waiting to get "boutiquey" cupcakes. That didn't bother me so much as the young couple in front of me where homeboy must have been so fucking proud of himself for scoring a minority girlfriend. Like he wouldn't stop hugging on her in line, kept PDA-ing all over the place. Dude we get it, you're interracial now, you pissed off your parents, you're the envy of all your suburban friends and you may one day get a pass to safely say the N word.

It's finally happened - the enforcement of a vomit clean up fee...think twice before you take that last Jager shot to help mend that broken heart or to try and forget about sleeping with that tranny you swear thought look liked Jennifer Aniston.

So the homie David Quintana of Kobe's Kreations was kind enough to send over a care package of various delicious charcuterie from Charlotte. I'm a huge fan of charcuterie so to see all of this smoked goodness, go into my mouth and out my rear end...it just brought a cured tear to my the slits that I call my eyes.

Yes. I was on TV. Please don't hold this against me. If you really want to know shit that went down, email me.

Damn son! The fine folks over at Flesh for Food teamed up with Anne Marie at the Charleston to come up with this savory sweet jello shot. Check out the site and get your pig gut on bitches...you just don't know how good this shit is.

Speaking of good. Can you ever go wrong with a big bowl of Pho from Tank Noodle? This is my hangover cure...along with crying in the shower.

Went to Suzanne and Ethan's house to celebrate Suzanne's birthday. Their house is awesome...the neighborhood reminded me of Detroit. She collects collector toys and places them in sexy lighting to remind us all that toys and collecting them are not sexy.

She does however have great taste in food and beer as illustrated by obtaining a whole keg of Two Hearted from Bell's. A few of these and those toys start to look pretty damn good.

I got to participate in a Red Bull art thing in the CUAS space, where a bunch of artists get to paint these cooler things and people can vote, blah blah blah. I didn't fucking win so who cares right?

These were the two sides I painted. I haven't been this hungover in a while. I think Joey was seriously concerned for my health. I looked more yellow than usual. Almost squash-esque.

Speaking of which, Joey murdered his fridge.

Uriel murdered it as well per usual. I felt like a child compared to the talents of some of the guys involved while some of the talent involved looked like child's art.

Not usually a supporter of a big beer like Budweiser, but Dio informed of a free show with RJD2 and El-P that they were sponsoring with free food, beer, and entry.

And yes, one of the fine food establishments was White Castle. That is what Budweiser should be paired with. It's that good.

Shut the fuck up though because we got to see El-P for free and listen to beats because I couldn't understand a fucking thing that was being said. It was still cool to see, I just wanted to strangle the sound guy.

Got to check out the C.H.A.O.S. brewing club facilities. Super cool dudes and open to showing the process of making that magic golden, sometimes brown liquid...hmmmm that sounds exactly something my body produces as well.

There happened to be a bloody mary battle.

Fought to the death. The loser got rotten tomatoes thrown at. As you can see all the tomatoes on the ground, the guests had terrible aim.

Got to check out Homestead over on Chicago who took over the old Bleeding Heart Bakery spot. They have an upstairs that utilize their garden into the menu...although when asked what was from the garden from each of the courses, "herbs" were mentioned more than anything else. Gotta thank Virtue Cider and the homie Ryan Burk. The pairings were mostly decent and the food was seriously just okay. There were some stellar dishes but some of them were just kind of lacking.

The internet in my house is being a piece of shit, so I'm doing this entry at work. Go fuck yourselves.