I’m a Mitzvah Clown!

I am happy to call myself a Mitzvah Clown – someone who brings happiness to senior homes and children’s hospitals.

I would have to say that the most important thing that I learned in my day at Mitzvah Clown training – aside from how to put on makeup – was that, no matter what happens, I should not give out medical advice.

I wasn’t planning on it. My plan, if someone started kvetching to me about his problems, was to complain about my own.

“Look at me!” I would say. “My skin is pale, my nose is swollen… See how unruly my hair is? And this is a wig! And look at my shoes. This is really how big my feet are!”

Mitzvah clown training is not like your typical clown school.

Mitzvah clown training is not like your typical clown school. Regular clown school takes years to complete, and teaches things like how to purposely walk into walls by accident and how to deal with children who are very wary of adults who look like they fell face-first into several vats of food coloring. Whereas mitzvah clown training goes for one day, and focuses mainly on how to make upbeat conversation with old people.

“Mitzvah clowning” is the process of getting dressed up and bringing happiness to senior homes and children’s hospitals. It’s basically bikkur cholim (visiting the sick) on helium. The session that I attended, which was sponsored by an organization called “Areyvut”, is designed to teach entire groups of people the basics of mitzvah clowning, after which they take the entire class over to a nursing home. But not all in the same car.

The class is given by a man named Cookie, which I assume is an old family name. Cookie started off by saying that you don’t actually have to have a specific talent to be a mitzvah clown, although it doesn’t hurt. You’re not performing for a very discerning audience; you’re performing for an audience that is so happy to see a clown dancing around and making balloon animals that they don’t care that all you know how to make is snakes and eels. (Also worms. Making a worm is a lot like making a snake, except that you don’t bother blowing up the balloon.) And if you make a fool of yourself, no one knows it’s you, because of all the makeup.

Cookie started by teaching us some of the basics of mitzvah clowning, such as, “Don’t all come barging into a nursing home dressed as clowns without an appointment. Unless you want to end up on the news.”

He then talked about choosing a name. It’s very important, in mitzvah clowning, that you give the patients something to call you, because it makes them feel more at ease. It’s not important what your name actually is, so long as you give them one. But there are several basic guidelines to follow:

If you’re clowning with a group of people, don’t all choose the same name.

Don’t randomly change your name in the middle of a visit. If a patient calls, “Hey, Puddles! Puddles!” and you don’t respond, he’s going to start to think that maybe your name isn’t really Puddles.

It’s important to use an upbeat name, such as “Sunshine” or “Happy”, as opposed to a depressing name, like “Mildew”. Also, “Buttons” is a better name than “Zippers”, “Cornflake” is better than “Raisin Bran”, and “Patches” is better than “Potches”.

When introducing yourself, you don’t have to say, “I’m Potches the Clown!” You can just say, “I’m Potches!” It’s pretty obvious that you’re a clown.

But just in case, don’t give out medical advice.

Then we talked about balloons. Cookie stressed that balloons are very important, because they break the ice and give you something to talk about, and it also serves as a reminder of your visit. He also showed us how to make some basic balloon shapes, such as hats (the elderly like to wear hats), dogs (small dogs, like the kind who are always being carried around in enormous handbags or getting sucked into recliners) and of course swords. (I don’t know why the elderly would need swords. Perhaps to fend off all the clowns.) We were also taught to have a one-liner prepared for when the balloons pop, so no one has a heart attack.

Cookie finished off the training by giving out makeup kits. The good thing about clown makeup is that it comes off really easily. On the other hand, it also comes off really easily. It gets on your hands, on the inside of your glasses, and, if you choose to blow up your balloons without a pump, all over your balloons. Also, the makeup melts in your hot car while you’re at the senior center, and it gets all over your nose. The red one, that you left in the car.

I had never put on makeup before, but Cookie said that we should put on the lighter colors first, and then do the darker colors. So I started off by painting my entire face white. And I do mean my entire face. By the time I was done, I had white paint in my hair, my eyes, and the inside of my nose. Then I started painting my lips red, but because I’m a lefty, the right side of my mouth looked like I put the makeup on while driving. So I took a paper towel and attempted to wipe it off, but rather than coming clean off, it smeared across my chin. So I started to put more white on my chin, but it started mixing with the red. And then my whole chin was pink, and the more I tried to fix it, the more it kept mixing, and the next thing I knew, my cheeks were pink too. So I gave up trying to fix it, and decided to just make my whole face pink. Then I put a little bit of blue around my eyes, but that started mixing with the white as well. You know how you learned in science class that if you mix all the colors of the rainbow, you get white? At some point, I had all the colors on my face, and I definitely was not getting white.

Now I know why it takes my wife so long to get ready to leave the house.

When we were all dressed up and made up, we went over to the nursing home. And no, we didn’t pile into the same car; we went in a procession of cars, sort of like a clown funeral. At some point someone tried to merge in front of me, but I didn’t let him in, because I didn’t want to lose the car I was following. The guy looked over at me, and I could tell by his facial expression that he did not think I was a responsible driver. I’m not totally sure what he could tell from my facial expression.

“Look at this clown!” he was probably saying to his wife. “I’m trying to merge, and this clown just cuts me off! Someone should wipe that big grin off his face!”

As it turns out, the seniors were very happy to see us. They were all full of comments.

“Nice shoes.”

“What? No, these are my shoes!”

But whenever I tell this story to anyone, they all want to know the same thing:

“Old people like clowns?” they ask. “What are they, five?”

The truth is that old people are not, in fact, five. I’ll tell you what old people do enjoy, though: They like stories. There are not a whole lot of new stories when you’re living in a senior center. But now they have a new one, and they can tell it to their kids when they come to visit:

“The strangest thing happened the other day! There were clowns! There was Sunshine, and two Cookies, and one of the clowns was pink! And the pink one took off his shoes!”

“Yeah, okay. I’m going to go talk to the nurses now.”

“No, really! I thought I imagined it too, but look! I have a balloon!”

Featured at Aish.com:

About the Author

Mordechai Schmutter writes a weekly humor column for Hamodia, a monthly humorous advice column for The Jewish Press, and a comic strip for The 20s and 30s of Brooklyn. He is also the author of the books, Don’t Yell “Challah” in a Crowded Matzah Bakery, A Clever Title Goes Here, This Side Up, and Cholent Mix, all published by Israel Book Shop. In his spare time, which doesn't exist, he attempts to teach Language Arts to a bunch of high school guys, most of whom are usually too upset that he showed up on any given day to even pay attention to his lessons. He is also available to do stand-up comedy. He lives in New Jersey, but no longer remembers why.

Visitor Comments: 6

(6)
Dina,
October 19, 2012 2:12 AM

Another home run! Thank you, Mordechai Schmutter. Not all Jewish humor can make me laugh out loud, but I know if I'm in a bad mood I can just pull out something written by you.
Much continued hatzlacha in your holy work of bringing joy to others!

(5)
Anonymous,
October 18, 2012 1:03 PM

visitors

Old people love visitors! You are doing an amazing mitsva!!! Good luck in all you do!

(4)
Lisa,
October 18, 2012 5:34 AM

Los Angeles clowns!

Mordechai,
Your troup sounds wonderful. The Carrousel of Clowns (San Fernando Valley) has been doing similar work for 25 years. "We Bring Love to Life"!!!

(3)
Anonymous,
October 17, 2012 4:56 PM

Writing..

I was unwilling clown for nursing home with lots of wings to visit and learned so much. Never thought about some of these things but would've helped me had I read this 30 yrs ago! You had me laughing ..writing clown in your future?! ? Very cute n aprapo. Thx for giving another mitzvah to moi!

(2)
Yehudit,
October 16, 2012 5:46 PM

Im not old or sick but....

Can you come and visit?! My kids would love you and yes, it would definitely be a mitzva for this one tired mother! Yesher Koach!!!

I live in rural Montana where the Cholov Yisrael milk is difficult to obtain and very expensive. So I drink regular milk. What is your view on this?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Jewish law requires that there be rabbinic supervision during the milking process to ensure that the milk comes from a kosher animal. In the United States, many people rely on the Department of Agriculture's regulations and controls as sufficiently stringent to fulfill the rabbinic requirement for supervision.

Most of the major Kashrut organizations in the United States rely on this as well. You will therefore find many kosher products in America certified with a 'D' next to the kosher symbol. Such products – unless otherwise specified on the label – are not Cholov Yisrael and are assumed kosher based on the DOA's guarantee.

There are many, however, do not rely on this, and will eat only dairy products that are designated as Cholov Yisrael (literally, "Jewish milk"). This is particularly true in large Jewish communities, where Cholov Yisrael is widely available.

Rabbi Moshe Feinstein wrote that under limited conditions, such as an institution which consumes a lot of milk and Cholov Yisrael is generally unavailable or especially expensive, American milk is acceptable, as the government supervision is adequate to prevent non-kosher ingredients from being added.

It should be added that the above only applies to milk itself, which is marketed as pure cow's milk. All other dairy products, such as cheeses and butter, may contain non-kosher ingredients and always require kosher certification. In addition, Rabbi Feinstein's ruling applies only in the United States, where government regulations are considered reliable. In other parts of the world, including Europe, Cholov Yisrael is a requirement.

There are additional esoteric reasons for being stringent regarding Cholov Yisrael, and because of this it is generally advisable to consume only Cholov Yisroel dairy foods.

In 1889, 800 Jews arrived in Buenos Aires, marking the birth of the modern Jewish community in Argentina. These immigrants were fleeing poverty and pogroms in Russia, and moved to Argentina because of its open door policy of immigration. By 1920, more than 150,000 Jews were living in Argentina. Juan Peron's rise to power in 1946 was an ominous sign, as he was a Nazi sympathizer with fascist leanings. Peron halted Jewish immigration to Argentina, introduced mandatory Catholic religious instruction in public schools, and allowed Argentina to become a haven for fleeing Nazis. (In 1960, Israeli agents abducted Adolf Eichmann from a Buenos Aires suburb.) Today, Argentina has the largest Jewish community in Latin America with 250,000, though terror attacks have prompted many young people to emigrate. In 1992, the Israeli Embassy in Buenos Aires was bombed, killing 32 people. In 1994, the Jewish community headquarters in Buenos Aires was bombed, killing 85 people. The perpetrators have never been apprehended.

Be aware of what situations and behaviors give you pleasure. When you feel excessively sad and cannot change your attitude, make a conscious effort to take some action that might alleviate your sadness.

If you anticipate feeling sad, prepare a list of things that might make you feel better. It could be talking to a specific enthusiastic individual, running, taking a walk in a quiet area, looking at pictures of family, listening to music, or reading inspiring words.

While our attitude is a major factor in sadness, lack of positive external situations and events play an important role in how we feel.

[If a criminal has been executed by hanging] his body may not remain suspended overnight ... because it is an insult to God (Deuteronomy 21:23).

Rashi explains that since man was created in the image of God, anything that disparages man is disparaging God as well.

Chilul Hashem, bringing disgrace to the Divine Name, is one of the greatest sins in the Torah. The opposite of chilul Hashem is kiddush Hashem, sanctifying the Divine Name. While this topic has several dimensions to it, there is a living kiddush Hashem which occurs when a Jew behaves in a manner that merits the respect and admiration of other people, who thereby respect the Torah of Israel.

What is chilul Hashem? One Talmudic author stated, "It is when I buy meat from the butcher and delay paying him" (Yoma 86a). To cause someone to say that a Torah scholar is anything less than scrupulous in meeting his obligations is to cause people to lose respect for the Torah.

Suppose someone offers us a business deal of questionable legality. Is the personal gain worth the possible dishonor that we bring not only upon ourselves, but on our nation? If our personal reputation is ours to handle in whatever way we please, shouldn't we handle the reputation of our nation and the God we represent with maximum care?

Jews have given so much, even their lives, for kiddush Hashem. Can we not forego a few dollars to avoid chilul Hashem?

Today I shall...

be scrupulous in all my transactions and relationships to avoid the possibility of bringing dishonor to my God and people.

With stories and insights,
Rabbi Twerski's new book Twerski on Machzor makes Rosh Hashanah prayers more meaningful. Click here to order...