Category Archives: Frenemy

When my husband took a new job last year, I switched to his insurance plan. It seemed like good coverage and for a non PWD, it would be a good plan. Everything seemed to be going well with this insurance until I got a few calls from Animas telling me that my pump warranty was due to expire and that I should look into upgrading to a newer model. I’ve been through this a few times in the past with different medical plans and thought it would be a similar experience. Wrong. My current insurance only covers up to 2500 per year for Durable Medical Equipment. Bummer is, I require a good deal of coverage for Durable Medical Equipment since all my pump supplies and CGM supplies fall under DME. With the trade in for my current pump, I would still owe Animas just over $1000. I do not have $1000. Plus, I would be maxing out my DME coverage and wouldn’t be able to get any more CGM sensors until next year. This doesn’t seem like the end of the world but my A1c is the lowest it’s ever been and I credit a good deal of this to the use of my Dexcom CGM. It’s not a miracle worker but it’s an amazing tool when used to its full potential – and my blood work proves it.

When I was 14 (just 4 years after diagnosis) my A1c was over 14 and I don’t ever want to go back there again. I’m working my hardest to be as healthy as possible, all the while it seems like the insurance company, Animas (the pump company) and Dexcom (the CGM company) all seem to be working against me. It’s a shame that there is so much profit to be made by taking advantage of the chronically ill people who are simply trying to obtain a healthy existence.

Unfortunately, health seems to favor the lucky and the rich – and as far as health is concerned, I don’t seem to be either of those.

Advertisements

Rate this:

1. I hate that you require SO much attention. Minutes here and there really add up and that’s time I could be spending with family, or shopping, or at the dentist. Because really, I think I would rather visit the dentist every day if it meant living without YOU.

2. I hate that you stole the last sliver of kid left within me and pushed me full force into adulthood at a far too early age.

3. I hate that you have such an impact on my husband and I’s decision to have a family and I hate that you will be so much a part of that process.

4. I hate that you occupy so, so much of my mind. I wish I could just shut you off and shut you up but that would only mean harder times for myself.

5. I hate that you cost me money – and I’m not just talking about a few bucks here and there. You cost me so much that I don’t even want to add it all up for fears that I might want to spend it all on something else (like central air conditioning for the house or a fancy vacation somewhere).

6. I hate the hurt you cause me. You hurt my fingers, my stomach, my eyes, my heart, my kidneys and pretty much every other organ and body part.

7. I hate that you cause the people that love me to worry about me. I’m responsible and independent but no matter how well I care for myself, they will always have cause for concern with you around.

8. I hate that you’ve stolen a bit of my independence. I know I can do many things but many ignorant people think I cannot and will judge me for being burdened by you – and the world is full of ignorant people.

9. I hate you for keeping me from being a pilot. It doesn’t really matter that I’ve never actually wanted to be a pilot, I just hate that you would keep me from realizing that dream (if it were my dream).

10. I hate that I will be thinking of you ever moment, of every day and night, for the rest of my life. You don’t deserve to be looked after so well but I forever will.

But, Dee, as much as I hate you and everything about you, I am thankful that you choose my body to reside in. Because, if given the choice between watching those I love go through this or living through it myself, I choose me a million times over.

Rate this:

I haven’t given myself a whole lot of time to think about Dee lately and I’m feeling the effects of that. A good friend and I went on vacation for about a week and my numbers hovered around 200 most of the time. We spent days laying by the pool, hardly moving for hours which didn’t help out those highs. Nor did the sun exposure to my pump, heating up the insulin inside (NO GOOD!). I also thought it would be smart to bring along all my extra supplies one day, including insulin, to a beach that was hours away. Well, since it was 85+ degrees outside, you can imagine the temperature inside the car where I left said supplies But all the hours we went shopping and walking around while do so, resulted in my BS spiraling down, forcing me into chugging 1-2 bottles of Sprite during each outing (and being a not-so-friendly shopping companion). And all this was making me feel like Dee dragged me onto a self-propelled roller coaster of sugar and bad insulin.

Then one afternoon when my friend and I returned from the pool, she asked me, “Don’t you wish you could just take a day off from doing all that?” (referring to Dee and Dee management). Truth is, it’s something I think about at least once a week. The early years were tough and it was a strange thing to be reminded of it, of all times, on vacation. Through my early teens, I neglected this disease for years. And instead of feeling liberated and free, I felt like crap each and every day. My vision was junk, I was always thirsty and I could forget about a good nights sleep when I had to get up every couple hours to empty a full bladder

It’s hard to be diligent with Dee management and after so many years of doing so, I do sometimes feel like I’ve earned myself a day off. But after taking a whole week as my ‘day off’ and having wacky numbers the whole time, makes me thankful and grateful that I’ve chosen to be healthy.

Life is so much more wonderful and different than it was 15 years ago. When put into perspective, Dee can be a manageable thing, it just requires effort and determination from me. I’ve shed my fair share of tears over Dee but it’s my own self I’m fighting for, not the disease. I’m finally allowing myself to realize this. And, as tough as it is, maybe it’s not such a bad thing to have someone or something remind of it every now and then.

Rate this:

After much thought, I’ve decided my diabetes really deserves a name and title. So, I introduce you to Dee, my frenemy at large. (FRENEMY Definition: a person who pretends to be a friend but is actually an enemy; a rival with which one maintains friendly relations, fraught with risk and mistrust.)

Dee has become like a person, or being, of sorts. She’s always following me around, uninvited, telling me what I can and cannot eat, what I can and cannot drink. If Dee isn’t enjoying our game of softball, she will force me to shovel handfuls of skittles into my mouth between innings, resulting in near death moments when running for a fly ball and struggling to breath. She drenches me with sweat and wakes me up in the middle of the night, demanding a snack. Dee makes me angry when, like a basketball stuck behind the backboard on a stray shot, she sends my BG soaring for no good reason and leaves it hanging there for hours. She forces me to spend my hard-earned money to buy her insulin, test strips and pump supplies instead of that new purse/shirt/jewelry I’ve been eyeing. She won’t even pack her own supplies when we go on the vacation that I didn’t invite her to in the first place. She’s tempermental, selfish and makes me suffer when she wants her way.

But I can’t just leave her behind. After all, I’ve know Dee since I was 9 and there have been a few times along the way when she’s come in handy. Like during softball tryouts in high school when we were doing sprints and I told the coach that Dee wasn’t cooperating so I would have to sit out for a while. Or when I was younger and a big bag of sugary candy was meant just for me and Dee, not my three siblings (even if it was just to treat lows). Or when I got to leave class so I could tend to Dee (she was always fine but we would skip out for some time alone).

Alas, I think this friendship is destined to last a lifetime – for better or for worse. But that’s not to say that after the ups and downs and years we’ve spent together that I wouldn’t ditch that b***h Dee in a heartbeat if given the chance 😉