We hardly hear the term "living
in sin" anymore. It's become culturally acceptable for the young and old
alike to live together without bothering with the formality of a
marriage commitment. In fact, moving in together is now considered a
good way to test run a relationship before tying the knot. Yet, because
cohabitation requires much less of a commitment, couples who live
together are far more likely to break up than married couples, and
serial cohabitation is very common among young people.

Part of the problem with cohabitation is that men and women haven't
changed over the centuries. Women are still more likely to commit to a
relationship with or without the marriage label. Women tend to see
cohabitation as a step toward marriage, while men tend to consider
cohabitation a precursor to commitment. Along the same lines, men who
marry their girlfriends after a long cohabitation tend to be less
committed to the union than men who wait until after marriage to live
with their brides.

And of course, a lack of commitment hurts the kids. According to
findings from the National Fatherhood Initiative's (NFI) Father Facts:

"Compared to children born within marriage, children born to cohabiting
parents are three times as likely to experience father absence, and
children born to unmarried, non-cohabiting parents are four times as
likely to live in a father-absent home."

The US Census Bureau reported
that 4.85 million cohabiting couples existed in the United States in
2000, up from 439,000 in 1960. That's a 1000 percent rise in just 40
years. More than half of couples live together for a little while before
marrying, but a 2000 study published in the journal Population Studies
in 2000 found that 40 percent of unmarried couples had split up within
five years. The average live-in relationship lasts two years, leading
either to marriage or a split.

In the meanwhile, the successful marriage rate is not 50 percent, as
urban legends often state. An average of 65 percent of marriages last
past 10 years for those who have no college degree, and for those who
have graduated from college, a good 84 percent of marriages survive the
first decade. (Perhaps they experience fewer money problems?) Since
most divorces occur during those first 10 years, marriages that get past
the 10 year mark have a good chance of going the duration.

The surprise is not that large numbers of
human beings are treating their sexual relationships loosely, but that
Christians are doing it too. Not only are plenty of Christians sleeping
and living together outside of a marriage relationship, but many think
it's perfectly okay to do so. Yet, while nobody wants to live a life
burdened by legalism, the Bible is very clear about the importance of
self control and of one man and one woman committing to each other for
life...

"And he answered and said
unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning
made them male and female, And said, For this cause shall a man leave
father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be
one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What
therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder." - Matthew
19:4-6

"Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but
he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body. What? know
ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you,
which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? For ye are bought with a
price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are
God's." - 1 Corinthians 6:18-20

"For this is the will of God, even your sanctification, that ye should
abstain from fornication: That every one of you should know how to
possess his vessel in sanctification and honour; Not in the lust of
concupiscence, even as the Gentiles which know not God:" - 1
Thessalonians 4:3-5

"So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth
his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but
nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: For we are
members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. For this cause
shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his
wife, and they two shall be one flesh." - Ephesians 5:28-31

While
we are saved by grace and not by works (Eph 2:8-9), Jesus
unapologetically called his servants to greater holiness, to a higher
morality. It is good to not commit adultery, but even more important,
Christ's servants are to avoid even lusting after women in their hearts
(Matt 5:28). Women are called to honor and reverence their husbands and
men are called to lay down their lives for their wives, just as Christ
lay down his life for the church (Eph 5:21-33). That's heavy stuff, and
it would be pretty much impossible to accomplish if not for the work of
the Holy Spirit in our lives as we walk day by day with Him.

Hormones are powerful forces that help keep men and women
together. God designed us in a brilliant
way that leads to one of the most fantastic relationships ever – the
bonding of two people. Then, He made it even more fantastic by using
that bonding to create the miracle of new life. However, a great deal of pain in this world has been caused by a
failure to properly manage those hormones and the passionate desires
they cause. We need great wisdom and love and self sacrifice
to develop our marriage relationships to be what they were meant to be.
And we'd all be better off if we learned what God says on the matter of
love and marriage and followed His direction. We'd have fewer broken
hearts, and more whole families and healthier lives.