Bathroom Humor

The late-show hosts on Thursday took aim at President Trump’s decision to reverse President Barack Obama’s policy allowing transgender students to use the bathrooms that align with their gender identity.

“I saw that Apple is criticizing Trump after he overturned the rule that lets transgender students use the bathroom of their choice. Apple says that regardless of your gender, everyone should be able to drop an iPhone into whichever toilet they want.” — JIMMY FALLON

“Donald Trump last night said transgender students can’t use the bathrooms they want to use. Now he’s going to check what they got down there or something, I’m not sure. But we should have seen this coming because if there’s one thing Trump is famous for, it’s telling people where to pee.” — STEPHEN COLBERT

“Hey, just because you want to bring back coal mining doesn’t mean you have to bring back everything from the 1800s.” — SETH MEYERS

“There’s apparently this fear that transgender kids are using it as a ruse to sneak into restrooms and grab people by the genitals. But if you’re looking for the kind of person who would do that, you need to look no further than the Oval Office. He’s right there.” — MEYERS

A Randy Date for Governor

On “The Late Show,” Mr. Colbert jumped on recent news reports about Noah (Noé) Dyer, a Democrat running for governor of Arizona. His campaign website declares, “Noah has had both deep and casual sexual experiences with all kinds of women. He is an advocate of open relationships. He’s had group sex and sex with married women. He has sent and received intimate texts and pictures and occasionally recorded video during sex.”

“Good sweet and sour Jesus! I never thought I would miss the quiet dignity of Anthony Weiner. Wow! Get it out there, just get it out there. And good news, ladies: He’s single! Though apparently he wouldn’t care if he wasn’t.” — COLBERT

Mr. Colbert hailed the open — very open — approach of an Arizona Democrat.CreditThe Late Show With Stephen Colbert

A Downward Spiral

COLBERT: Steve Bannon “made a prediction for Trump’s ongoing war with the media.”

BANNON: [Speaking at the Conservative Political Action Conference] “It’s not only not going to get better, it’s going to get worse every day. Every day. Every day it is going to be a fight.”

COLBERT: “Fun fact: Those were also Steve Bannon’s wedding vows.”

Mr. Colbert devoted his monologue to the conservatives’ get-together. CreditThe Late Show With Stephen Colbert

The Punchiest Punch Lines (CPAC Edition)

“For those of you who don’t know in here or out there, CPAC is the annual conference of conservatives. Also, the name of Tupac’s Republican cousin.” — COLBERT

“It’s basically two days of speeches followed by 19 days of fact-checking.” — JAMES CORDEN

“This morning he held a meeting with a group of C.E.O.s at the White House. Trump said he wants to replace robots with human workers. Then Mike Pence says, ‘I’ll show myself out.’” — FALLON

The Bits Worth Watching

Mr. Colbert recruited Aubrey Plaza to find rescue dogs new homes.CreditThe Late Show With Stephen Colbert

Nick Kroll, James Corden and Jordan Peele flexed their musical muscles.CreditThe Late Late Show With James Corden

Enjoy the Weekend

You might have noticed that Jimmy Kimmel has been off all week. (So have Trevor Noah, Conan O’Brien and Samantha Bee.) But Mr. Kimmel will be back on the air Sunday night, when he hosts the Oscars. They’ll be on ABC, and The Times will be offering minute-by-minute coverage. In fact, you can gear up for it by taking a look at our preview coverage — right here. Enjoy the weekend, and we’ll see you back here next week.