Posts tagged: Reluctant Adapter

Stuck moment: Wait, you changed the process? But I’ve never done it that way before, and I can’t guarantee that I’ll be much good at it. Yeah, I’m not really warming up to this idea. You all have fun with that — I’ll just stick to what I know.

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Sure, there are thrill-seekers who feel most alive when they’ve got one foot dangling off the edge of the known universe. And then there’s the rest of us. Reluctant Adapters. Creatures of comfort who quite enjoy the feeling of steady ground beneath our feet.

When change is afoot, it’s the ambiguity that gets us stuck. How will the change affect me? Am I losing something as a result? I don’t understand how this will work. Consequently, our reactions don’t mirror our best selves. We cling to what we know, avoid what’s coming, and generally start hating what we wish weren’t inevitable.

His stuck moment: Will makes a living as a janitor at M.I.T. but is discovered to be a self-taught mathematical genius. He reluctantly helps an M.I.T. prof with his research, but, afraid of failure and rejection, he sabotages job offers and his new relationship with Skylar, a recent Harvard grad.

He gut checks it: When his friend Chuckie tells him he will be insulted if Will wastes his potential, Will sees how narrow he has made his life.

Unstuck result: By listening to his friend, Will realizes that he wants the opportunities he has denied himself. He decides to start a new life in California, where Skylar has moved to attend read more

Let’s all vow, right here and now, to shake off our wince-worthy memories. First of all, they hurt to think about. And the hurt won’t allow us to live bravely. It makes no sense to hoard horrible thoughts. Time to give up the read more

It’s one thing to have hope when a change is of our own making. But when change is thrust upon us, well, it’s not so easy to be optimistic. We might start acting like a Reluctant Adapter, hemming and hawing our way into inactivity. To prevent that, we could practice flexing our “change” muscle so we’re in shape for the next curve ball. Try it out with any of these 25 small changes that can make life read more

Bad habits are often what get us stuck. Ideally, we see what’s happening (I can’t afford my speeding tickets), and we adjust (drive slower). But sometimes we recognize the bad habit and choose not to do anything about it, willing to live in stuckness (think procrastination). Then there’s the bad habit we don’t even know we have. These are some of the hardest stuck moments to solve. We know something isn’t working for us, but can’t pinpoint our role in it.

It’s these hidden bad habits that also hold the most potential. If we can shine some light on them, understand them, and own them, then we can replace them with good habits. And that means we get stuck less often or for not as long.

When Dennis Whittle started working at The World Bank, his team was divided into two office spaces. Just to have a conversation, he and his colleagues would have to get up and walk down a winding hallway. One day, Dennis noticed a door between the two rooms with a table in front of it. He asked a coworker, “Hey, why don’t we move the table and open the door, so it’d be easier for all of us to work with the other room?” His coworker told him the door was locked and they weren’t allowed to open it. Dennis didn’t question him any further.

Working late one night when no one else was around, Dennis decided to move the table and try the doorknob. It wasn’t locked. It actually opened easily. He felt like King Arthur pulling Excalibur from the stone. Before he left, Dennis propped the door open. The next read more

I am not bleeding. I am not in pain. None of the things that make you know you should go to a hospital is happening. So it is with great internal conflict that I ask the person at the desk to admit me for brain surgery the next morning.

When I awaken after seven hours of surgery I am being rolled into the ICU. I am extremely groggy. All the lights are too bright. I have tubes in both arms with IV bags attached, EKG badges on my chest, monitors all around, and a larger tube that goes in my nose and down to my stomach. My head hurts, the sort of pain you cannot imagine if you have not had it and cannot remember if you have. I have two full-time nurses. When I turn my head slightly, I puke through read more

Who hasn’t acted like a Reluctant Adapter at one time or another? Faced with a change that we don’t know how to respond to, we simply don’t do anything. Remaining tight in a bud, you might say, where we can only see the comfort of the known. Change, of course, is the opposite of that, but is that really so bad? Here are three ways to diffuse the scariness of change so we open up and get on with read more