Fifty Shades Freed (2018) Theatrical Review

Fifty Shades Freed the final film in the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy is in theaters now. Adapted from the book trilogy that bears the same name, E.L. James’ drama/love story/BDSM fantasy comes to life for (thankfully) the final time.

First, a couple of quick disclaimers… as a fan of all things pop culture, I have to admit that when the first Fifty Shades of Grey book was released, I heard all the critical acclaim. I became intrigued by this new phenomenon that was sweeping the county. So naturally, I had to pick up a copy and see what the fuss was about. Never one to be a quitter, after the first book, I knew then I had to finish… even though I already knew how it would all end. This was also my approach to the movie series. And without indulging too much into my own private life, I can tell you with absolute 100% certainty that while they are well written (if not predictable) novels… they are a false and piss poor representation of a true BDSM relationship.

Ok, back to the review… *SPOILER ALERTS AHEAD!*

The movie opens with the wedding of Ana (Dakota Johnson) and Christian (Jamie Dornan). They go to Paris and the French Riviera for their elaborate honeymoon, sex ensues, blah, blah blah…

All the while, the villain introduced in the last film, Jack Hyde (Eric Johnson) is plotting his revenge and begins with some VERY questionable technological advances and firebombing. Seriously… I want one of these miracle phones that seems to be able to hack into NORAD with just a swipe. I mean, I had a firebomb with my Note 7… so why can’t I get this “tricorder” phone from Star Trek: TNG that hacks into everything in seconds?

Anyway, the next hour is the typical fanfare for the series… sex, bad soundtrack songs, Christian trying to tell Ana what to do, etc. Now to the credit of the director, James Foley, the scene where Ana goes Vin Diesel while driving an Audi R8 was a cool sequence. Good shooting and editing during the scene as well.

The rest of the movie plays out almost exactly as the book (with the usual editing for time constraints).

Many people are giving Johnson credit as the only actor to come away from this trilogy with great acting chops… I COMPLETELY disagree with anyone who says this. She is the new Kristen “Mouth Breather” Stewart… But at least in the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy, Johnson has somewhat legit reasons for having her mouth open 98% of the time! (RIMSHOT!)

Personally, I’m a big fan of Max Martini (Taylor). I loved his work in The Unit (no pun intended), Captain Phillips, Pacific Rim, 13 Hours, Saving Private Ryan… I’d really like to see him get a role other than security/military just to see his range.

Fifty Shades Freed Overall (3.5/10)

Bottom line, can I recommend Fifty Shades Freed? Only if you have seen the first two films. Fifty Shades Freed is not as good as the first film of the trilogy, but FAR superior to Fifty Shades Darker. But seriously… that’s like saying waterboarding is better than having your fingernails removed with pliers.

I still contend that, as a whole, Fifty Shades of Grey is a terrible representation of a BDSM relationship AND if Christian Grey was poor and living in a trailer park… this wouldn’t be a love story… it would be an episode of The First 48.

Fifty Shades Freed will be out next month on home media in a bunch of different formats.

A 14 year veteran of sports and news media, Bill has now decided to use his powers for good. He and his wife Tabitha are the ultimate "Pop culture" couple and love talking about all things comic books, movies, television and games!

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