Flicks: Box office offerings either jump the gun or miss the mark

Saturday

Sep 25, 2010 at 12:01 AMSep 25, 2010 at 1:29 AM

I should be griping about Oliver Stone emptying his recycle bin to collect a few more nickels. There are people far worse than Gordon Gekko in the world, Oli. Kenneth Lay and Jeffrey Skilling ring a bell?

John Meo

Welcome to Saturday Flicks. Boy, is this is awkward.

I should be griping about Oliver Stone emptying his recycle bin to collect a few more nickels. There are people far worse than Gordon Gekko in the world, Oli. Kenneth Lay and Jeffrey Skilling ring a bell? Anyone who works at Haliburton or Goldman Sachs? Tony Hayward? C’mon, Gordon looks like one of the Narnia children compared to the corporate raiders we’re dealing with these days.

I should be wondering why the producers of a movie with the creepiest CGI creatures to date — owls in helmets?! — haven’t mysteriously vanished in a poof of sulfur and brimstone. Can’t wait to see Zach Snyder’s idea of children’s programming.

I should be chastising Betty White for using her renewed fame — a farce in the first place — to take a few more cracks at perfecting Rose Nylund. Somehow her slightly dirty, slightly ditzy schtick is all fresh and new. Betty, dear, you’re an American icon, not some Bieberian Internet sensation. Go back to animal advocacy. Enjoy retirement. Take solace in the fact most Americans, the ones without severe brain damage, know who you are and what you did for all those years. You didn’t need social media to legitimize your legacy.

Facebook movie

It’s too soon for “The Social Network,” the movie (opens Oct. 1) that chronicles the rise of Facebook. Facebook hasn’t been around that long and its story is far from over. So aren’t we jumping the gun just a tad in rushing to tell it? I know the intent here is to capitalize on the popularity of the network, the buzz about Mark Zuckerberg (the network’s disputed creator/ founder) dropping $100 million on the Newark, N.J., school system, although it appears to be tethered to a bungee chord.

This feels like the string of Yankeeographies the Yankees rolled out a few years ago about active players. It was weird and incomplete, and you knew there had to be updates and revisions.

‘Secretariat’

It’s too late for “Secretariat,” the Disney biohorsepic (opens Oct. 8) about the 1973 Triple Crown winner, if anyone who doesn’t have a gambling problem cares.

I don’t have anything against horses. They’re nice enough. Dumb. Smelly. But generally acceptable. However, it’s just a horse, and SPOILER!, it wins the races. This is the four-legged equivalent of “Titanic,” seasoned with “The Blind Side.”

What I do have a problem with is the ESPN Sports Century list that puts Secretariat at No. 35. 35?! It’s a horse and it edged out 63 humans (and inexplicably two other horses, Man o War and Citation), including Oscar Robinson, Mickey Mantle, Wilma Rudolph, Bonne Blair, Bo Jackson, Gale Sayers and Bob Beamon.

Three of the top 100 athletes of all time, according to ESPN, had four legs and ate out of burlap sacks.