Friday, March 11

The fittie, the ex, and the crazy people.

My, is blogger behaving like a petulant child! If it wasn’t for a my cool English reserve, there would have been some harsh words exchanged, but, well, teething problems, who knows…So, I have gossip from last night, not that any of you know any of the people involved, but it’s gossip all the same. Last night was Carrie’s birthday, and it was also the end of term party for our halls. But, because I’m slowly turning into an 80 year old woman, I had a nap and when I woke up, everyone had gone so I walked up. This was a silly thing to do, the area I live in is rough, it’s a ghetto, a proper shithole. I heard on the news my area has the highest reports of crime on the country (think about it, in THE ENTIRE UK my area is the worst). My local park has the highest reporting of rape in the north, and the Yorkshire Ripper (infamous rapist and murderer) lived only 5 minutes from here. Oh yeah, and they found a leg in the woods next to my flat a few weeks ago. This is all true, you can google it and see for yourself.

So, I make it out of the ghetto alright, but then once I get into the city this crazy woman starts to talk to me. Crazy people always talk to me, why is this? They say ‘I love you, why don’t you cheer up?’. Well, I don’t think you’d be smiling if some herpes-ridden druggie accosted you in the middle of the street either.

But I digress. So I make it into the party, and it’s fun, cuz everyone knows each other, and the DJ is playing Van Halen so I’m happy. But then something happens. As I scan the room, a pair of familiar blue eyes catch mine and our mouths utter the same beautiful phrase- ‘What the fuck are you doing here?!’. I walk over with that forced smile people do that makes them look frightened. It was James. Not fittie James (we’ll get to him later), but ex James, who cheated on me, and generally acted like a complete piece. So why is he here? I ask him. What’s so wrong with Nottingham that he feels the need to come to Leeds, to a private party, and taunt me? Turns out his best friend lives downstairs.

So I wander on, undefeated, and run into Max. I love Max. He’s the poshest person I’ve ever met, and he’s on my course, and we go to the bar. This is where I run into fittie James. I think ‘Be cool’ as he walks over- (He smelt really nice, isn’t it great when guys smell nice?). And he asks where I’ve been, and I explain about the virus. And we chat, and I can’t believe I haven’t fallen over yet, or spilt my blue cocktail all over my white top. He keeps leaning in closer, and I get the feelings -you know the feelings.

I spend my night with Carrie, as it’s her birthday, and I witness very strange behaviour. First, she keeps putting her head up some guys top- what would Freud have to say about that? And we all catch her getting off with Torre, an Swedish student. We’re like- ‘Carrie? What the fuck? You’re snogging Torre?!’

Oh and I end up getting really wasted, and decide to harass this guy on my course. He keeps calling me ‘Darlin’ and ‘Sweetheart’ (he’s from London) which is intensely irritating, but he’s actually quite nice. He keeps asking ‘You’ll be in seminar next week yeah? I like sitting with you? Yeah? Yeah darlin?’.

And the night ends with fittie James. He comes up to me, puts his arm around me and whispers the following in my ear- ‘Hey, so my girlfriend's out tonight, but I can make her go home. How about it?’

I turned him down of course. But really, if it’s not one thing, it’s men behaving like prats. I bet it’s a man than runs Blogger.