Sunday, 2 September 2007

One of The Thirteen Disciples has brought to my attention that all my apostles are women. Quite right, so they are! Well spotted that man!

As much as I am against the modern concept of feminism, I wish to state for the record that I am all for equality and female emancipation. I'd go even further and say that perhaps it wouldn't be bad idea for women to be running the show - they couldn't fail to do a better job than the shower calling the shots over the last few millennia.The cynics and the religious among you might suggest that the devil himself is responsible for all the worlds' evil and woes. Well...real life?...that is subjective and dependent on perspective, as for SL? Well I only just got here but I will say the place is far more advanced in it's decadence and sheer devilishness than the RL world I fell to all that time back. Sure the air is cleaner in SL but for how long?What I am impressed with is the seemingly limitless skill homo-sapian has in carrying such large quantities of their shit wherever they go and in whatever they do. Out-feckin'-standin'! Some may also suggest that I am being harsh, cruel and perhaps a little rude. I can assure you, I am giving highest praise. As to the suggestion of me being responsible for the worlds ills? I wish I could claim absolute responsibility but that would be truly unjust. Many hands makes for the devils work. The devil makes work for evil bastards and slackers. We did it my way...but it is you my little fallen angels that deserve a big round of applause.I would like to pay tribute and say, none of it would be possible were it not for the guys working so tirelessly behind the scenes - I thank you...Sorry! Where was I?Female emancipation - it got me thinking about the good old days. For example when giants walked the earth. Times where civilizations existed that are no longer remembered or even known of today - perhaps at best vague legends and myths.Even in more recent human history, - those that were chosen to be remembered in ways that humans are taught to remember - fade from memory in time. That is the way of time and change.Speaking of time......time for a little more irony. Who remembers Boadicea? Or MargaretThatcher?Both were women that sent men to war.Both wielded immense power in similar, yet different ways.Thatcher I fear is better remembered around the world thanBoadicea.Britons remembering Boadicea as probably the first true heroine and patriot of their nation, whilst doing all they can to erase the memory of Thatcher.Thatcher was very much an ambassador for Britain. I don't intend to put a negative or positive slant on that statement, only that she got herself and Britain noticed. What people thought of her was a matter of opinion and perspective. Opinion as we know now is like an asshole, everyone's got to have one and perspective..I got them coming at me from all angles but that is by-the-by.On my travels around the RL world in the latter part of the 20th. century I was suprised at the affection and praise heaped on the Iron Lady.A woman so deeply loathed and hated in a divided and almost destitute Britain, yet around the world where she wielded only influence and no real power she was admired by sane and reasonable people. It is also worth mentioning that she was and is adored by some of the most insane and unreasonable people to have ever had the misfortune to cast shadow on the earth and often the feeling was mutual.Worse than that, there were actually men who had a hard-on for the woman. I mean fer fecks sake, even Cowboy Ronnie had a stiffy for her! (Imagines Ron scuttling Maggie. Blech!!!! Balthy wretches violently and thinks - 'there are somethings that don't bear thinking about!').This was a woman that had given Britain the 'Me society' - a society where family, compassion, God (and even the concept of society itself) hadn't so much flown out the window as having been violently ejected.At a point when it seemed that Britain must surely consume itself, where seemingly there was no way back, she was given the opportunity to take the nation to war - and tragically - for both Britons and Argentineans - she did.Even I - 'shit-meister extraordinaire' - know this 'war' was a diplomatic solution waiting to happen but in that moment she united a kingdom divided. Furthermore as Britons headed away from the era of Thatcherism many - including those that had given power to her - felt that the nineties was an awakening from some sort of nightmarish coma. (They hadn't yet been introduced to Tony 'a womans sorta man' Blair and were just relieved to see the back of Maggie 'more of a man than you'll ever be!' Thatcher.And you think I'm good?!

So what of Boadicea? Well, here is something I pillaged from the internet.

Between AD 61 and AD 63 Boadicea led her Iceni people to a glorious but bloody war against the Romans. The Iceni Celts had submitted their kingdom in East Anglia to the conquering Romans and the rule of Emperor Claudius in AD 43. In AD 61, Prasutagus, Boadicea's husband and King of the Iceni died. A dispute followed during which Boadicea, was publicly beaten by the soldiers of the emperor, and her two daughters raped. The Iceni were insulted and rose in revolt led by their queen Boadicea. So successful was the uprising that the Romans were almost defeated. Unfortunately for the Iceni and their allies, the military skill of the Roman army finally led to the crushing of the rebellion.After the revolt, Roman rule was re-established. For almost two glorious years, Boadicea pillaged the Roman settlements; she remains to this day, the greatest of the heroines of Britain.

Well strictly speaking there was a little bit more to it than that. It does make for a good soundbite though.And then there is this:

Trouble in Anglia. In 60 A.D., while Roman troops were busy in the final battle with the Druids on Anglesey Island (Wales), trouble arose in East Anglia. To understand what happened, you have to go back to the idea of client kingship. The Iceni tribe, centred in the modern Norfolk, had reached an accommodation with the Romans, keeping their own territory in exchange for not making a fuss.

Beginnings of the Revolt. The Iceni king, Prasutagas, decided that it would be prudent to make his will assigning half of his personal property to the Roman emperor. When he died the Roman officials decided to interpret his will as a submission to the Roman state, so they moved to appropriate all of the Iceni lands and disarm the tribe. Prasutagas's widow, Boudicca (or Boadicea as she is sometimes known) protested. The Romans had her flogged and her daughters were raped. This high handed treatment of an ostensible ally had predictable results. Queen Boudicca raised the Iceni and the neighbouring Trinivantes tribe in revolt against Roman rule.

The Course of the Conflict. They struck at symbols of the Roman occupation, and they weren't gentle. The capital at Colchester was burned, as was London and Verulamium, near modern St.Alban's. Boudicca's treatment of her enemies was fierce and she must have given the Romans a terrific scare. One legion was so terrified that they refused to move against her. She was eventually brought to bay at an unknown site by a much smaller force of Roman troops. The battle turned against her when the Celts became entangled with their own camp followers and were massacred. Boudicca herself took poison rather than face capture.

Consequences of the Revolt. The upshot of the Boudiccan revolt was that Icenai territory was ravaged and much of the province was put under military rule. There is a tendency to think of Boudicca as a great patriotic leader of the British, perhaps the first national heroine. But, honestly, she isn't a very appealing character. She exacted indiscriminate and ferocious vengeance on many of her fellow British Celts who had the misfortune to live in the wrong place.

And I think I'm bad?..not making a fuss? Ha! Ha! The British don't do - 'not making a fuss' (I know it sounds like a double negative but it's not - ok?), it's what God put them on the planet for. As for, 'she must have given the Romans a terrific scare.' Terrific scare? You have got to be taking the piss?She burnt London, St Albans and Colchester to the ground. Her two year rebellion (I guess it would be termed an insurgency today) is estimated to have claimed somewhere between seventy to eighty thousand lives - not bad even by todays standards - al qaeda could have learned a thing or two from her. Yeah, she probably did give the Romans a 'terrific scare'.So, heroine or zeroine?The first patriot of Britain? or righteously/violently, verily pissed?

As for Maggie.I recall speaking to a beggar on the street in London, it was autumn 1990, the day of her resignation. Our conversation inevitably centered on the 'Iron Lady'. The begger turned the air black and blue with his invective. I mischievously suggested he'd be dancing on her grave when her time eventually came."Not me mate.""Really?" I asked."Nah...I'll be too busy pissing on it!

As for me and my new position in SL? Well, I remain loyal and committed to my disciples and will continue with my positive discrimination. I would mention though that I am considering replacing one or two of them perhaps with cognitive behavioural therapists. Needles to say women of course and hot women as per!email, hate-male, fan mail to the usual address.