Link Love (2016-03-08)

Thought-provoking

““But I don’t like swearing.”Yeah well I don’t like fruit-flavored soda but I don’t go around demanding that others drink what I do because it’s obviously right since my taste is my favorite (ever heard of cyclical logic?). I realize that some people like that crap even though I find it foul and wrong on multiple levels and cringe at the mere scent of it.
In other words, my friend, all you have is a bunch of opinions about swearing that are just that: personal choices regarding how to talk. That’s it. Full stop.
I’ve made different choices. Neither of us is better than the other.
Kumby-fucking-ya.
The problem is that you go out of your way to belittle and diminish people because they see the world differently, come from a different place, write to a different audience, hold different opinions on morality and depth, even though they are not harming you in any way whatsoever SINCE NOBODY IS GLUING YOUR MOTHERFUCKING EYEBALLS TO THE PAGE.” Yes I’m a goddamn sailor and yes I will continue to ignore you – Renegade Mothering

“One of the things I regularly advocate, especially when you’re just starting to work on yourself, is “fake it ’til you make it.” The idea is simple: you develop your confidence by simply acting as though you’re already confident. But in practice, it can be more complicated. For many people, the idea of “fake it ’til you make it” feels like, well, a lie; like you’re trying to trick people. If you’re trying to be your most authentic self, then how are you supposed to square that with lying about your confidence?
Simple: it’s because you’re not lying to people. You’re lying to yourself.” Why You Should Fake It ‘Til You Make It – Dr NerdLove

“At the time, the assumption was that orcas were dangerous. No one had any inkling how smart and sensitive these creatures are. As the journalist David Neiwert writes in his 2015 book Of Orcas and Men, killer whales have larger and more densely folded brains than humans do, suggesting they hold more information and process it faster than humans do; they have highly elaborated sections of their brains thought to be related to long-term memory, self-awareness, and focus; and they have a paralimbic lobe “absent in humans and other land mammals” that “may enable some brain function we can’t even envision because we lack it.”” It’s Time to Free Lolita, a Puget Sound Killer Whale That’s Been Held Captive in Florida for 45 Years – The Stranger

Equality

“I think we should avoid letting our ideologies inform our opinions on matters of social and economic policy. What matters is scientifically observed evidence. I support the idea of providing everyone with an unconditional basic income not because I just think it’s the right thing to do, and the best way to make ongoing technological unemployment work for us instead of against us, but because such an overwhelming amount of human behavioral evidence points in the direction of basic income.” Universal Basic Income Will Likely Increase Social Cohesion – Basic Income – Medium

“Members of marginalized groups have the same diversity of opinion that people who aren’t members of marginalized groups do. This is because members of marginalized groups are people, with people’s tendency to have their own opinions, rather than members of the Oppression Borg. In fact, the whole argument is oppressive, I think; it pedestalizes oppressed people by assuming they are always correct, and erases the differences and diversity among marginalized people, presenting them as a stereotyped group that all shares the same opinions.” Identities Are Not Arguments – Things of Things

“Amelia Bonow is in hiding.
She left her apartment here after her address was published online and the death threats began. Her crime? She had an abortion. And after the U.S. House of Representatives voted on Sept. 18 to defund Planned Parenthood, she updated her Facebook status with a proud declaration.
“Hi guys!” it began. “Like a year ago I had an abortion at the Planned Parenthood on Madison Ave., and I remember this experience with a nearly inexpressible level of gratitude.”
She wrote about how “the narrative of those working to defund Planned Parenthood relies on the assumption that abortion is still something to be whispered about.” And how many people still believe that — “if you are a good woman” — you should feel awful if you have one.
But you shouldn’t, the 30-year-old wrote. And she doesn’t.
She signed off, “#ShoutYourAbortion.” And a movement was born.” Why the founder of #ShoutYourAbortion had to go into hiding – LA Times

Beauty & Body Image

“We may yearn for their dreamy smiles, but we could also yearn to be real, rather than just a reflection of beauty standards deeply rooted in history. It’s time we bring beauty back to us, so that each one of us owns it. What is beautiful to you? You are beautiful. You — with your off-white teeth, crooked teeth, normal lips, and waxed or un-waxed upper lip. Embrace your smile, in its natural state, because it reflects your feelings and your zest for life, not because of how it makes your face look. You deserve to be healthy and happy. Do what you need to do — not because it’s part of our collective beauty standards, but because it’s what you want. This way, each of us can start to change the impossible beauty paradox into one that is personal, individual, and achievable by us all.” The Impossible Standards of a Smile – Adios Barbie

Relationships

“Draw a circle. This is the center ring. In it, put the name of the person at the center of the current trauma. For Katie’s aneurysm, that’s Katie. Now draw a larger circle around the first one. In that ring put the name of the person next closest to the trauma. In the case of Katie’s aneurysm, that was Katie’s husband, Pat. Repeat the process as many times as you need to. In each larger ring put the next closest people. Parents and children before more distant relatives. Intimate friends in smaller rings, less intimate friends in larger ones. When you are done you have a Kvetching Order. One of Susan’s patients found it useful to tape it to her refrigerator.
Here are the rules. The person in the center ring can say anything she wants to anyone, anywhere. She can kvetch and complain and whine and moan and curse the heavens and say, “Life is unfair” and “Why me?” That’s the one payoff for being in the center ring.
Everyone else can say those things too, but only to people in larger rings.
When you are talking to a person in a ring smaller than yours, someone closer to the center of the crisis, the goal is to help. Listening is often more helpful than talking. But if you’re going to open your mouth, ask yourself if what you are about to say is likely to provide comfort and support. If it isn’t, don’t say it. Don’t, for example, give advice. People who are suffering from trauma don’t need advice. They need comfort and support. So say, “I’m sorry” or “This must really be hard for you” or “Can I bring you a pot roast?” Don’t say, “You should hear what happened to me” or “Here’s what I would do if I were you.” And don’t say, “This is really bringing me down.”
If you want to scream or cry or complain, if you want to tell someone how shocked you are or how icky you feel, or whine about how it reminds you of all the terrible things that have happened to you lately, that’s fine. It’s a perfectly normal response. Just do it to someone in a bigger ring.
Comfort IN, dump OUT.” How not to say the wrong thing – LA Times

“Once upon a time, somebody brought me a mix cd of nothing but The Dresden Dolls and They Might Be Giants on a first internet date. I threw it in a dumpster on my way home; I dislike those bands and the “gift” felt like a pompous and premature play at shaping my tastes from someone I did not intend to see again. Some of you are sighing because now you know that your perfect partner is out there somewhere and maybe now you’ll never meet. Some of you think I owed it at least a listen or are pissed that I didn’t recycle. The simple-but-not-easy answer to “what will make me happy in romantic love?” is that it is going to be different for everyone.
Sometimes, sadly, we are not great predictors of what that will be — we rely too long on “magic” & “chemistry” at the expense of consideration or compatibility, we settle too long for “stability” at the expense of deep connection, we over-estimate the importance of sexual compatibility and excitement and forget that people’s health and desires change over time, or else we underestimate how “mismatched libidos” and a constant cycle of pressure and rejection can slowly grind people down over the course of a lifetime. Committing to spend your life with someone means committing to riding out a a series of changes that you can’t predict. Holding out forever in the hopes of perfection can be really fucking lonely.” #758: What even is love – Captain Awkward

“I believe that in no small part the answer to those questions is because I am a man. The terms introversion andsensitivity carry or embody for modern society meanings that are not what these personality traits truly are. Introversion can carry connotations of shyness, passivity, of being meek or weak. Sensitivity might commonly be understood as having a sense of fluffiness and weakness about it, or maybe a feeling that is more normally associated with the feminine. With both introversion and sensitivity there can be the sense that they are personality traits and ways of being that we choose to adopt and live by. These are meanings and values that have been put on those words by society at large, I would say especially in the west.” The Silence of Male Introverts and HSPs? – Crossing the Threshold

Chronic Illness & Pain

“By scouring the literature, consulting with other doctors and scientists, and experimenting with my own body and mind, I finally came to understand that it wasn’t just one thing that had caused my brain to break, but the accumulation of many things.
The solution involved balancing the seven core systems in my body:

“Much like real food, movement, especially in the form of pilates, has been a huge component of my healing journey from chronic Lyme Disease. Though it was something that I began even before I was sick, it has been during the many years of striving to regain my health that I have found Pilates to be helpful down to my very bone. It doesn’t matter what the circumstances, Pilates allows me to reconnect, relieve tension, be faced with a challenge yet have fun, and ultimately feel better in my own skin.” The Healing Art of Pilates for Chronic Lyme Disease – Beyond the Bite

“In order for your digestive system to function properly, it has to communicate with a properly functioning brain. The health of your brain affects your digestive system, and the health of your gut impacts your brain.
So, if you’ve been struggling with digestive problems like IBS and haven’t seen any improvement with diet or supplements, then you may want to consider the health of your brain; specifically, a very important nerve call the vagus nerve.” 4 Odd Ways to Improve Your Digestion That I Doubt You’ve Tried – Jen Broyles

Health

“Historically the work (forces created by human movement) necessary to eat included not only the hunting and gathering bit, but also the mashing, banging, rubbing, beating, tearing, pounding, soaking, spreading, turning, and hanging it took to make nature edible. Said another way, most of the food you use to make your meals–even the “whole ingredients” like nut and coconut flours, oils, milks, and syrups you pour with ease, meats cut with precision, and veggies clean and separated for your convenience–has been processed. Not like in the “I just made this food by putting different chemicals together” kind of way, but a “hey, we performed 14 hours of labor so you could have these whole foods to now cook for your meal, you’re welcome,” kind of way.” You move how you eat. – Nutritious Movement

“Potassium, a mineral and electrolyte, is essential for your cells, tissues, and organs to function properly. It plays a vital role in heart health, digestive, and muscular function, bone health, and more.
While potassium is found in many foods commonly consumed in the US – including fruits, vegetables, dairy products, salmon, sardines, and nuts – only 2 percent of US adults get the recommended daily amount of 4,700 milligrams (mg).1This is especially problematic because potassium is a nutrient that needs to be kept in proper balance with sodium in your blood. If you consume too much sodium, which is common if you eat a lot of processed foods, you’ll have an increased need for potassium.” Potassium Levels: Are You Low in This Powerful Nutrient? – Mercola

Foodie

“The road to drinking great tea, even at its most simple, gets complicated fast. On the one hand, you need some thorough guides to navigate the overwhelming diversity of styles, growing regions, and cultivars to have some sense of what you’re drinking. But on the other hand, you just need to start drinking some damn tea.
Problem is, unless you know some knowledgeable tea folks to get you started, picking out just where to start is a challenge all its own.
Here’s my proposal to get you over that hump. Read about these five teas below, then buy them. Just these five (or fewer) to start. Drink them and think about what you like. What flavors and textures stood out to you? How did they make you feel?
I can’t promise you’ll like them all. The idea is buy small samples of each and experience the full range of what fine tea has to offer. One of these teas tends to taste like buttered scones; another like Scotch. Some are light and floral, others bold and woodsy. Chances are at least one will speak to you and make you want to seek out others like it.” Your Tea Starter Kit: 5 Great Teas to Kick Off an Obsession – Serious Eats