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Clooney finds his woman, & she’s a wonder!

George Clooney s is starting to worry me. He was always so smart. He was Hollywood’s Mr Cool. He never put a foot out of place. Then he got in that drunken argument with Las Vegas casino owner Steven Wynn about who was the bigger asshole, Pres Obama with his Affordable Care Act, or Wynn himself with his inflammatory political rhetoric. Clooney thought that was a no brainer, and called Wynn a jackass in addition to an asshole, to cinch the argument. The Big Dirty F got thrown in there too. Then Wynn gave a few press statements so that everyone in America would know just what George Clooney is like when he’s been drinking and politics comes up!

Amal Alamuddin & her boyfriend George Clooney

You know celebrities like to get political. However such strong language seemed out of character for some one like Clooney, who’s usually so careful. Well anyone can have a bad day or an off nite. However it looks like Clooney’s condition might be more serious. That’s because the news is out that what you thought would never happen is happening: Clooney’s got engaged! The lady in question is a lovely young woman named Amal Alamuddin.

Amal ain’t a movie star. Nor is she a cocktail waitress or aspiring model. This chick is 100% serious. Born in Lebanon, she racked up some impressive accomplishments along the way: she’s an Oxford educated lawyer, she does humanitarian legal work with Doughty Street Chambers in London, & she’s wikileak’s Julian Assange’s lawyer! She’s also been an advisor to Kofi Annon – former head of the United Nations, is an advisor to the King of Bahrain, & edited ‘The Law and Practice of the Special Tribunal for Lebanon’ – which is some kind of law book. She was also voted Hottest Barrister in London by legal blog, Your Barrister Boyfriend. In other words she’s got an impeccable curriculum vitae! That’s legal type talk for her particulars are above reproach!

With so much going for her it’s prob no wonder that Clooney has been taking her around and showing her off to his celeb friends, like longtime pal Cindy Crawford. He’s also planted a whopping rock of an engagement ring on her finger – just to seal the deal. So now you know what it takes to bag Big George: some one who can talk international law with Barack Obama on his own level, and one up his best bud Brad Pitt’s significant other Angelina Jolie with the United Nations talk! I wanna be a fly on the wall when Amal meets Angelina!

Hopefully Big George’s new relationship will work out better than LA Clipper’s Skipper Don Sterling’s relationship. Sterling is seeing a very lovely you woman who’s half afro American. That’s caused a little bit of controversy, basically for what Sterling was recorded saying to her in public. He apparently gave her some lecture about how he doesn’t like her hanging out with black people, and wants her to act more like a ‘pretty white girl’ or Latina.

That went over about as well as you’d expected, and resulted in calls for Sterling to step down, and even drawn commentary from Pres Barack Obama. Basically the Pres says that when an ignorant person opens their big mouth up, let ’em speak. Soon everyone will know! Just like the time Dr. Laura Schlesinger put her foot in her mouth and stepped in so deep that she followed her foot on in & disappeared.

BTW the chick Sterling was with ain’t his wife, she’s his mistress!

What inquiring minds want to know, but are afraid to ask!

There are mysterious goings on happening in the world. Pope John Paul 2 just got sainted in a ceremony presided over by 2 popes: Pope Francis and Pope Emeritus Cardinal Ratzinger, the former Pope Benedict 16. It was only natural for Cardinal Ratzinger to be there since John Paul 2 was his closest friend and the two worked together very closely.

Now if you’re completely paranoid then you know that there are no accidents or coincidences. Everything that happens is part of some far reaching global conspiracy intended to do nothing more than interfere with your life and drive you nuts! It’s probably the fault of the New World Order and their globalist agenda! That is unless satanic Baphomet worshiping Freemasons are to blame. It might even possibly involve satellites and extra terrestrials!

The thing about raging paranoia is that just because they’re out to get you doesn’t mean that you’re not also bat shit insane. If they’re out to get you then cracking up ain’t gonna help you. it’ll only make things worse. Now you’ve got enemies and you’re nuts, too! Nuts can be a worse problem. If only Richard M Nixon had known that during his White House years then airports and nuclear subs would be named after him today! You gotta be Bill Clinton cool to play the President Game.

So if there is some vast overarching conspiracy brewing, then finding out about it is probably not gonna do anyone any good. Still it’s fun to stay informed. Since it probably isn’t even remotely true then wallowing in some light paranoia might be as harmless as indulging in celebrity gossip! The two have always gone hand in hand, in the tabloids!

So with that in mind here’s the latest broadcast of Gary “The Spaceman” Bell and his Toronto based conspiracy show The View From Space. It’s the conspiracy show that makes all others (except for anything by Fritz Springmeier) obsolete, because it’s got everything: astrology, numerology, sacred geometry, and great menstruating goddesses! So fasten your seat belts and get ready for the count down to a trip that’s like freemasonry on acid!

George Clooney is usually as cool as cucumber. He has every reason to be: He’s rich, handsome, successful, as smart as they come, a movie star, he’s best buds with Brad Pitt, he’s got swanky digs over at Lake ComoItaly, and can do a talk show interview like no one else in the business. So he’s got every reason to be nonchalant. Many of us would be down right smug in his position. So if he responds to most things with his usual dry cool ego energy, it’s prob because he’s too busy counting his blessings to get disturbed. One thing will piss him off with a vengeance though and that’s when anyone criticizes his good friend President Barack Obama. Then Clooney’s Irish gets up!

Like when he was recently down in Las Vegas. Clooney was in the City of Sin to, among other things, have a tete et tete with his other good buddy Steven Wynn. Wynn’s a hi powered casino owner who often has celebs dine at his table with him. That’s what Clooney was doing. There was good food, liquor was flowing, everyone was having a great time. Then Wynn spoiled the mood by bringing politics into it. By bringing politics into it I mean that he called Pres Obama an “asshole”!

Now this whole brouhaha got started in the usual way, by discussing affordable health care. The Pres has revised the whole American Health Care system in the form of Obamacare. Not everyone is a fan of the program. During the whole blow up about the Affordable Care Act, Clooney reminds Wynn that the Pres is a long time friend of his. Wynn responds that “your friends is an asshole”.

Clooney didn’t take the comment kindly. As Clooney said “At that point I told Steve HE was an asshole and that I wasn’t going to sit at his table while he was being such a jackass.” So he met Wynn’s asshole, and raised him a jackass! Some says Clooney even dropped the F Bomb! Then Clooney walked out. So I guess that politics has put a strain on another beautiful friendship.Now Wynn can explain himself. By way of the Las Vegas Review-Journal, Wynn says that sure he called Obama an “asshole”. He then goes on to point out that the whole thing got blown out of proportion because Clooney is a delusional drunk. Now he doesn’t put it quite that way. He couches it in delicate language, like you would expect a hard headed Vegas casino boss to do. In fact what he said was “When he’s [George] drinking, he considers himself a close personal buddy of the President.”Wynn passes a lot of it off to alcohol, saying, “Clooney’s fun to be with when he’s sober … If you have a chance to drink with him, you want to get there early, and don’t stay late.”For Clooney’s part he says there were 9 people at the dinner 2 weeks ago at Botero restaurant at Wynn’s Encore hotel, adding, “It had nothing to do with politics and everything to do with character.”For Wynn’s part, he says, “Everybody who’s in my business — the casino business — knows to take actors with a grain of salt.” Maybe he picked that salt recipe up at one of the Las Vegas Celebrity Roasts?So the moral of the story is that Clooney is a smart funny guy. A nite out on the trown with Big George can be great fun. Just don’t get him drinking and started on politics. Not if you wanna stay on the mellow side of GC! Oh yeah, and celebrities are best taken with a grain of salt, and a side order of tongue in cheek. Hopefully Big George is still welcome at the table down in Vegas. He might have to bring his own salt next time.

Avril Lavigne has a new video out and as you may have heard it’s Hello Kitty themed. It’s a bright colourful video full of Hello Kitty imagery with light pinks & blues. The only question is whether the tune is catchy enough. Now be warned – it’s highly contagious. Some paranoids types are even spreading rumours that the song was written by MK Ultra agents for the Rand corp, & is intended to be used soon in interrogation, to break down unusually resistant subjects. You know, the way Homeland Security plays Metallica to terror suspects in order to break their will. That is unless they use Red Hot Chili Peppers to annoy suspects into submission. Anyway let’s have a look ‘n’ listen to Avril in her new video posted blow.

3 1/2 minutes with Avril Lavigne and you’ll never be the same again!

It’s so catchy it’s practically contagious! In fact you could be digging the earworms out of your head for days after listening to it just once! In fact it can even cause some side effects. Now nothing like the time some woman started having seizures while listening to Mary Hart’s voice on Entertainment Tonight. That was a tragic cause. Once word got out, rowdy neighborhood teenagers began driving back in forth inf front of her house with Mary Hart’s voice on a boom box. trying to trigger an epileptic fit on the poor woman. People really can be that bad. This is much milder, but it’s an effect that can be very annoying in it’s own right! Just let the following tumblr meme illustrate!

Don’t let this happen to you! Of course with a VCR, 80’s touch tone phone, and other primitive 20th century tech, the poor woman was prob beyond help anyway! Perhaps she recently awoke from a coma, and it was only a matter of time until some kind of culture shock got to her.

I just heard this, & it sounds crazy… Ka ka ka kawaii!

Ka ka ka-kawaii! You can say that again! In fact you might not have any choice, but wind up blurting it out unintentionally over the next few days. Just like the poor woman in the video. She’s turns on her TV, all unawares – which is the usual way TV gets turned on. Suddenly there’s Avril Lavigne singing her uber catchy new tune. The woman stares blankly at the TV screen, as though subjected to some Clockwork Orange style MK Ultra mental reprogramming. Then n the phone rings. The woman picks up the phone and unsuspectingly starts spouting gibberish.

Actually it’s not gibberish. Kawaii is Japanese for “cute”. Cute it is too. However it might not seem so cute when you unintentional blurt to some casual acquaintance “Hello Kitty, you’re so silly”, and then they look at you like you’re having a stroke! You’ll blush and try to explain yourself. Of course that never works, not even in the movies. Desperate awkward explanations only make a person seem even more at fault! People will go around behind your back and accuse you of being into Hello Kitty. If you’re a 30 year old office worker, or even in hi school, this could create serious blow back. People will greet you in the morning with “Hello Kitty”. They’ll ask if you’re into pokemon or digimon, and ask what life’s like in your mom’s basement.

In other words your friends and co workers will take the opportunity to humiliate the shit out of you! Your only chance at redemption will come when they start spouting Hello Kitty type phrases too! That they almost certainly will do, since once you go through your painful explanation of why you’re babbling about Hello Kitty and greeting people with Ka ka ka kawaii – “oh it’s that damned Avril Lavigne and her new video! I only watched it once and now I’m infected! Like a Resident Evil zombie full of T cells. If you see Milla Jovovich in a catsuit lurking near by then she’s stalking me!” – they’re bound to pay more attention when they see the video for themselves. Then they’ll start spouting gibberish, and you can say “I told you so!”

So if you’re gonna watch this video or listen to this song more than once go ahead, but be warned. Also take some precautions. Fill your head with other catch phrases to water down the effect. Try singing “I’m like a bird…” at random, or tell folks “Hasta La Vista, baby” when saying goodbye. Enlist the help of a friend. Your can back & forth in catch phrase to each other, like “Where’s the beef?”, “I dunno, but don’t have a cow, man!” This way you’ll reinforce the effect of competing catch phrase, and so lessen the Lavigne effect! In an extreme emergency you can start singing Carly Rae Jepsen’s Call Me Maybe. Only do that as a last resort! Call Me Maybe will blast anything out, but will it’s self get stuck up there for awhile, until some annoying commercial jingle nudges it loose!

By pitting competing earworms against each other you’ll gain some time. Then and eventually everyone will start spouting Hello Kitty phrases. They’ll have no choice but to “own it”. That’s the point where office sales execs great each other at the elevator with Hi 5’s and boisterous shouts of “Ka ka ka kawaii!”. “Hello Kitty you’re so silly” will wind up on T Shirts. These phrase may even become popular phrase, like “Smell ya later”, which has yet to replace good bye. Then your disgrace is hid by being blended in with the crowd. Eventually the whole horrible thing will burn it’s self o0ut – as everything catchy eventually does. Then we only have to worry about the next unbearably cute catchy song or phrase to come along.

Speaking of annoying catchy fads here are a list of some, and put to music. Whether the song is as catchy as Avril or Carly Rae is for you to decide, but it is sung by our old friends Homer & Marge Simpson!

Pipe Dreams

It’s been tough to keep up with celebrity gossip posting lately. Especially with a Hollywood Super Hero script in development! I call it Mammoth Man! A nervous genetic researcher is experimenting in the lab with extinct lines of DNA when he accidentally injects himself with some mammoth mutagen! He swells up to over 8 feet tall and 450 pounds! He basically turns into a sasquatch.

A big hairy freak who’s a little super & more than adequate

He also has the strength of a large woolly mammoth! He’s not Superman strong, but he’s super strong. He could pick up a car & toss it around, and maybe lift a house off of it’s foundation. That’s more than adequate for the average fight against crime!

Enter the heavy

The problems develop when a rival geneticist gets injected with Tyrannosaurus Rex DNA mutagen! This guy blows up to 25 feet tall, grows armor plated skin, has the strength of a TRex, and is completely insane evil. No one knows whether it was something inherent in the TRex DNA that drove him mad, or whether it was the physical and neurological shock of growing 25 feet over nite; but the dude is bad news! Naturally his super villain name is T Rex! Did I mention these guys were enemies in college?

punch your way out of this

So TRex is a major problem for Mammoth Man. TRex is too strong. He could toss a semi truck rig around like Styrofoam. You can’t shoot him be cause his scaly dinosaur skin is impervious. An exploding shell wouldn’t put a dent in him. He’s armor plated! So you couldn’t really put him in line with a few punches.

tricked again in the usual way

He’s far stronger than Mammoth Man, so MM has to defeat his rival/enemy with his wits as well as his brawn. He usually does this by trickery, which might involve luring TRex into some trap, and then with the help of his side kicks subduing the big beast until it’s time to bring him back for another adventure. “Get ready, when he follows me into the cage quickly lock the door, after giving me time to slip out. Then we hit him with 10 000 volts of electricity!” TRex will have some patented bad guy come back like “You’ll pay for this next time Mammoth Man!”

Like a lizard cheerleader in the fight against evil!

Super Hero features are pretty big right now. With the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles getting released I only hope the time is right for me to float this idea, & maybe make a big payday. It has all the popular ingredients of super hero films, and is up to date. It’s got a great Fantastic Four meets Heavy Metal angle to it. It’s got super strong good guys and even stronger meaner bad guys. The only question is “is it formulaic enough?” I could probably add some hot chick as a side kick if necessary. Dina Repta, The Lizard Chick! She could be covered in blue green shiny scales, is wildly attractive in spite of her strange appearance, so she is basically decorative, and harmless because she only has ‘girl powers’ like ESP or empathy with which to participate in the action (“I feel his pain. It’s coming from over here. Let’s get him!”). So that can bring in the magic angle.

& then the dog ate it

Who are we kidding? There is no script. I’ve just been smoking a lot of drugs lately! As a result I haven’t been keeping up on my celebrity homework! But my assignment is ready today, and hastily slapped together with some fabricated lead in filler material, which you have just endured! Thank you for you kind patience! Now on with the real celebrity gossip. Today we ask what’s come between Taylor Swift and Selena Gomez. Hopefully the girls haven’t been experimenting with extinct lines of DNA. That can be a gate way to strong and more extreme experiences!

Another relationship has busted up on Taylor Swift. This time it’s not with some guy that she’s been briefly dating, and who’s gonna wind up the subject of a song. This time it’s with her erstwhileBFFSelena Gomez. Swift and Selena hand been hanging around together, and even following each other on Instagram. Then, and about the same time that Gomez was rumoured to be back with Justin Bieber, things went sour with Swift. I’m not sure how Swift feels about Bieber, except that she was photographed making some face as she walked past him, backstage at some videos ward event a few years back. That was back before he and Selena split for the first time,w hen things were just starting to get shitty for him, and before he graduated to impaired driving, sizzurp, and deportation petitions (which the White House has officially commented on. They had to release an official statement since the petition went over 100 000 signatures!). It’s been a crazy year for Justin Bieber.

Anyway apparently he and Selena are back together, and Selena and Taylor are seeing other people. It’s a shame. Taylor and Selena made such a good looking couple. Then again men will put a strain on girls’ friendships. Not that that’s what happened in this case, because we don’t really know what happened. There is some irrelevant detail floating around. Let’s have a gander at some of it and see what we can make of it!

Coming soon: My idea for a sitcom about a part time robot! He used top be a full time robot but there were cut backs. This idea is still in it’s very preliminary stages, but here’s a clue – our human ways seem strange to him. Think of it as a ‘reverse automation’ theme. If necessary the situation can heat up when he starts seeing a sexy hologram!

So remember to keep checking the Trash – the big hairy freak of a blog that’s more than adequate and occasionally a little super!

Lindsay Lohan disses Jennifer Lawrence with some ugly accusations and reveals some of her more interesting personal facts, like dating Jared Leto.

Now this isn’t a new thing because Lindsay & Jennifer have had their celebrity run ins before, like in the following video posted by RumorFix on youtube over 1 year ago (Published on 16 Jan 2013)!

Jennifer Lawrence is becoming a popular target. The aforementioned Jared Leto, with whom Lohan was connected somehow, also has an opinion on JL, brought to you courtesy of Just Do It on youtube.

Nor is Lawerence herself a stranger to dishin’ out the dis. In Lawerence’s case she picked some one who seemed safe enough to take a swipe at, and that’s because she’s an even more popular target – namely Miley Cyrus!

So celebrities are no strangers to dealing the dirty dish! Slagging the trash talk is one of the things that keep the public interested, until the celebrity feuds become annoying. Then everyone wants to get involved! In Lawerence’s case she’s drawn some acerbic criticism from Joan Rivers. Joan things Lawrence is “arrogant”. Ticking people off is something Rivers is a n expert at, so I’df be inclined to take her opinion on this seriously. She knows where of she speaks!

So there you have it backstabbing, infighting, &jealousy , and just as advertised in our header! Just another reason why you have to keep checking the Trash. Plus you can dish Wondertrash as much as you like. No one gets into celebrity blogging for respect!

Peeking through the boob window – Have they started calling Kate Upton “Powergirl” yet?

Now not shit literally, & maybe not even intentionally. A little back ground on this big boob blow up. Kate Upton is a bikini swim wear model who gained fame through the Sport’s Illustrated swimsuit edition. She was rookie of the year back in 2011, and had the covers in 2012 and 2013. Her claim to fame is that she’s blond and good looking, in that Baywatch sort of way, and she also sports a great big pair of boobs – also in a Baywatch sort of way. That can get a girl a lot of attention. It’s even gotten her a part in The Other Woman with Cameron Diaz! This is where the tit shittin’ comes in!

let the tit shittin’ begin!

Kate was giving some interview or something where she was obliged to talk about the other woman, Cameron Diaz, and her two costars dangling from her chest. Kate said that having fabulous bosoms might be every other woman’s dream, but quite frankly it’s a nuisance for her. It makes it impossible for her to wear certain kinds of clothes (just ask Powergirl!) like spaghetti tops (who’s picturing Upton covered in spaghetti right now?). Plus people keep ‘bringing them up”. I’m not sure what she means since they look pretty well ‘brought up’. I guess she means they make tongues wag.

bothersome bosoms

The upshot is that Kate finds big boobage a mixed blessing. Or possibly just excess baggage. She could have the best of both worlds – she says in interview – if the gal’s were ‘clip ons’. That way, and like fashionable accessories, she could strap on the big guns for special occasions – like a SI cover. Then when she wanted to blend in with the crowd, she could snap those big ole suckers off, stow them some where out of the way, perhaps stuffed roughly into a car glove compartment, or discreetly crammed into a gala party swag bag for later use.

rent a boob and Wonder Woman’s crash bags!

It’s a good idea that Kate had since detachable boobs might even be a potential money maker. Kate could rent them out to other actresses when she herself is not using them. She might pass ’em on to Gal Gadot for her Wonder Woman work for instance! The studio could pick up Upton’s tab, and Gadot could add a tip for the tits! Then Gadot could go out and fight crime with authority! Once her work is done she could then return them back to Upton, & probably worse for wear with a few bullet holes covered up with duct tape. Wonder Woman plays rough you know!

Kate tries getting something off of her chest

So it was a sweet little interview where Kate comes off as an engaging and likable bimbo, until… she brings her Other Woman co star Cameron Diaz into it! Now no one will ever know whether what Kate said next was the result of a streak of cattiness, or whether she meant well and was having a blonde moment. After talking about the tremendous responsibility of carting her two whopping eye magnets around where ever she goes, whether she wants them along or not, she then goes on to wish for a better bod. She claimed that she would like something less unwieldy, more sleek and sporty. Most of all she’d like a nice pair of modest boobs – & something inconspicuous – like Cameron Diaz has! She put it nicely, saying that Diaz has a perfect body. However it comes off like “My magnificent big boobs are getting on my nerves, and if I were Cameron I wouldn’t have that problem.”

Battling boobs

Now if you know anything about chicks then you know that you don’t go ragging on another woman’s boobs. Especially if your’s are bigger! It just triggers all those latent female rivalry issues. Even if you’re Wonder Woman you don’t wanna hear Powergirl going on and on about how she needs Super Strength to lug her magnificent mammaries around, and how Diana is so lucky that she can use all her strength in the fight against evil! They might be on the same team, but when super heroines start trash talking each other’s tits like that then there’s gonna be blood on the floor of the Hall of Justice!

more ridiculous breast jokes

As for Diaz, she seems to have taken the dissing like a sport. Cameron officially responded that Upton is “more than a pair of boobs”! I’d have told Upton to count her blessings. For instance she never ever needs to worry about whether the auto air bags will deploy in case of a crash. That’s because she comes already fully equipped with her own! If she happens to trip up and fall forward, perhaps on some important occasion, then she’ll avoid an embarrassing slip by bouncing right back onto her feet! People will do a ‘double take’ at that! The best part is that should Kate ever get in over her head, then she has her own personal flotation devices! Just like the old Mae West life jackets! As for floating her way out of this, she’ll prob do just find, with a little help from her two close friends & bosom buddies!