To which I want to reply: “Hey, conditioner. Where are you taking our daughter, and who exactly is driving? Woot-woot!”

Although I’m a proponent of not buying a new product until the old one is used up, I know it doesn’t always work out that way. I did the same thing when I was a teen, and my inventory of hair products in the shower drove my father crazy.

He would neatly line up the shampoos and conditioners, shortest to tallest I am sure, and I would go in there later on when it was my turn to shower and knock them all over like bowling pins again.

I’m not like that anymore.

I also learned a couple of years ago that if you ever take a couple of middle schoolers to the mall with the plan to stop at several stores and actually be productive, do not start at Bath & Body Works. You will never make it to the other stores.

They can spend days in there, simply checking out those pocket-size bottles of sanitizing hand gels that come in 10 zillion scents. Ocean Sunset! Sweet Pea! Get Me Out of Here Before I Scream!

We’re past that stage.

Speaking of stages, I’m reminded of something a parent told me years ago: There is a time when a parent decides when it is bath time followed by a time when you can hardly get a child into the shower followed by a time when you can hardly get her out of the shower.

A final thought: If you ever see a bottle of conditioner driving down the street with our daughter in the passenger seat, please alert the authorities. Woot-woot!