*NOTE
The following material entitled "A Theory Of
Infantilism" has been copyrighted and also is on file with
Mr. Eric Scholz, Attorney At Law.
Permission was granted to Dr. Mary Hogan to publish this material
in conjunction with, or as part of, her book on Infantilism.

Copied with permission by Tommy of
www.DPF.com

Infantilists
(AB's) take heart, you are not alone. Infantilism is a condition
which is seldom (though more so these days than before) spoken
about in the general public, yet as evidenced by the ongoing
success of groups like the Diaper Pail Friends and several IRC
chat groups, there are probably thousands, if not hundreds of
thousands of infantilists throughout the world

Infantilism
is usually a very deeply rooted behavior pattern which is not
easy to overcome or change. Almost all psychologists and
psychiatrists ignore us. Little if any research has been carried
out concerning infantilism. It seems that this behavior is still
generally viewed by society at large as something that is better
left in the closet! Apparently the common reasoning is that since
this type of behavior doesn't seem to bring significant harm to
anyone other than the infantilist him or herself, and few AB's
seem to request any sort of clinical treatment for their behavior
so there is little or no need to develop any sort of treatment
program. Also, since it seems that most AB's are able to carry on
their lives, their jobs, and their lifestyles with only perhaps
minimal hindrance from their behavior, so far the helping
professions appear to have little interest in helping us.

AB's sometimes feel isolated. The primary harm experienced by
AB's as a result of this behavior is the disruption of normal
marital and social relationships and often a sense of extreme
separation and isolation from society at large. Currently, as
evidenced by many web pages, most AB's are remaining 'in the
closet' so to speak with family and non-internet friends, quietly
attempting to reconcile their private lives, which would probably
seem revolting to most people, with their public lives in which
there is necessarily a facade of normalcy.

A
THEORY ON INFANTILISM(BY
TOMMY)

INTRODUCTION

To many
people it may seem very strange that a grown man or woman would
wish to hold on to the trappings of babyhood. At first glance,
the desire to wear and use diapers like a baby, to act like a
baby and be treated like a baby, might seems to be a sick and
distorted form of behavior. Even the practitioners of this
behavior are often racked with a sense of guilt and shame for
having such uncommon desires.

Like
many other forms of human behavior, however, Infantilism can be
viewed as both a reasonable and logical reaction to stress, and
even rather simple, if the underlying causes that lead to it's
creation are understood. It is the goal and purpose of this essay
to increase the understanding of the underlying reasons for
Infantilism.

A GENERAL
THEORY OF PERSONALITY

Many forms
of behavior can be better understood if we recognize them as
merely variations of basic human nature and personality. Because
of this, it is necessary to have a general theory of human
nature, personality and behavior before we try to examine any
specific variation.

This essay is based on a general theory of human behavior and
personality described by psychiatrist Karen Horney in her book,
"Neurosis and Human Growth" published in 1950. Doctor
Horney believes that "each of us are born with certain
particular intrinsic traits and potentialities which, given the
chance, will develop into the unique alive forces of our real
self: the clarity and depth of our own feelings, thoughts,
wishes, interests, the ability to tap our own resources, the
strength of our will, our special capacities or gifts, the
facility to express ourselves and relate to others with our
spontaneous feelings. In short, we will grow towards what she
calls self-realization".

Having described this goal, however, Doctor Horney proceeds to
tell us that "through a variety of adverse influences, a
child may not be permitted to grow according to his individual
needs and possibilities towards self-realization. A child's
parents may be too wrapped up in their own neurosis to be able to
love the child, or even to conceive of him as the particular
individual he is. They may be dominating, overprotective,
intimidating, irritable, overacting, overprotective, erratic,
partial to other siblings, hypocritical, indifferent, etc. It is
never a matter of just a single factor, but always the whole
constellation that exerts the untoward influence on a child's
growth".

Yet, a child can only grow according to his or her intrinsic
personal traits and potentialities, just as an acorn can only
grow to be an oak tree.

From the moment an acorn falls to the ground, it is intrinsically
already an oak tree. In no way will it ever, or can it ever, grow
into a palm tree or a redwood tree or any other kind of tree. It
can only be an oak tree.

An acorn, however, is totally and completely dependent on it's
environment if it is to grow according to it's inner directive.
It must be given the correct soil and proper nutrients, an
adequate amount of annual rainfall, the correct average daily
sunshine, etc. If denied any of these things, the oak tree is
likely to grow up stunted. Nonetheless, although stunted, it will
still be a form of oak tree.

Each of us, I believe, are like acorns in many respects. From the
moment we are born we already have within us the total and
complete personality and intrinsic elements of the person we are
destined to be. For example, Mozart most certainly was born with
the intrinsic elements of a great musician. All that was required
was the time, the love, the nurturing, the attention and the
acceptance by his parents to help him develop his inner gifts.

If each of our parents had provide the totally nurturing
environment we needed when we were young, and if they had fully
recognized our intrinsic inner traits and elements of our
personality as soon as they appeared, and if they had supported
and encouraged these inner traits, whatever they were, then we
were likely to grow up fulfilled, like an acorn into a
magnificent oak tree. We would have grown totally and relatively
easily towards self-realization.

But life is very complicated indeed. For more reasons than we
could possibly list, we may not have receive all the nurturing we
needed or our inner traits and personality may not have been
fully recognized and supported and encouraged the way they should
have been.

While the possible results are so numerous that it might take a
complete library to catalog them all, this essay will be involved
with a fairly narrow range of results, a range that we has been
given the name Infantilism.

SETTING
THE STAGE FOR INFANTILISM

(A letter
received) Dear Little Tommy; I suppose my feelings about my
parents ARE a little mixed up. I don't want to blame them for the
way I turned out, they really did their best to take care of us
kids. They were never physically abusive to me, although I have a
younger sister that has confessed that she may have been sexually
abused. It is just that when I was young my parents drank a lot,
and when they had been drinking their behavior would be very
unpredictable. Sometimes they would be verbally abusive, and I
suppose that I felt very scared of them when they were drunk. I
know that this was something that we NEVER discussed as a family
though. I do not remember a single time when my dad ever held me,
or told me that he loved me, or that he was proud of me. As I
said, I do not blame them for anything, that is just the way they
were. After reading some horror stories about other kids with
alcoholic parents, I don't think I had it so bad. When we were
all living together as a family, there were a lot of fighting,
arguments, and conflicts. It was not a very secure or nurturing
environment. My brother and sisters had a lot of emotional
problems too, and that did not help the situation. I have a
brother and two sisters that have drug and alcohol addictions. I
do not have either problem, and I attribute my ability to escape
into Infantilism as a reason why I did not develop these
problems. To me becoming a baby is a way that I can cope with the
pressures of the world. I hope this helps. Keep in touch little
guy. I miss you and Marky, give yourselves a BIG HUG from me to
you, okay? Take care...... Forever In Diapers; Richie

Against
The Grain

Sometimes in life there are phenomenon which appear to run
totally opposite our senses or our ability to reason logically.
Our mind tells us one thing, while the physical actuality may be
a totally different thing. Let me give you one example.

There are probably certain assumptions about flying a plane that
most people make and which would seem quite logical when viewed
from their experiences and their knowledge and ability to think
logically. Most people, if asked to guess what a pilot does to
make an airplane go faster, would probably answer, "increase
power". On the other hand, to make a plane gain altitude,
most people would probably say, "point the nose up
slightly".

In reality, the truth is just the opposite. To make a plane go
faster a pilot must 'point the nose slightly down', and to make a
plane gain altitude a pilot has to 'increase power'. These facts
go AGAINST THE GRAIN of typical human perception.

In a similar manner, when an Infantilist tries to explain to a
non-Infantilist that 'playing baby or wearing diapers' makes them
feel happy, secure and satisfied, they are going AGAINST THE
GRAIN of normal human perception. For the non-Infantilist, this
behavior seems to be just exactly the opposite of what they
normally perceive of as being happy, secure and satisfied in
life. It is 'GOING AGAINST THE GRAIN' of their experience. The
purpose of this essay is to try to explain Infantilism in terms
that everyone can understand and perceive. In other words, we
will try to show that, in it's own way, Infantilism is going WITH
the grain of human experience.

Basic
Human Experience

Only a limited number of people know how to pilot a plane. If an
airplane pilot tells you that to gain altitude it is necessary to
increase power and to go faster one must lower the nose, then you
are fairly likely to accept this as fact because nothing in your
direct experience gives you the basis to contradict it.

On the other hand, ALL of the basic human experiences and
emotions that underlie Infantilism are experienced fully and
totally by EVERY human being on Earth. There are no exceptions.

From the moment every person is born there is one irresistible,
potent and totally consuming force that is experienced by
everyone. There are no exceptions.

This is the force to GROW, to mature, to become an adult.

Part of this force is programmed in the 'blueprint' of our genes.
Part of it is programmed by our culture, the result of influences
from our parents, teachers, television, and society in general.
Not everyone agrees which one of these factors predominates in
our process of maturation, but nearly everyone agrees that they
are the two primary forces that guide us as we develop into
mature human beings.

The 'Blueprint' To Mature

There is a sort of 'blueprint' in our genes that controls the
development of all the cells of our bodies and our brains. This
blueprint is absolutely and unwavering in it's purpose. It is
towards growth and maturity.

When we are babies, the cells of our brain are progressing day by
day towards the development of speech, among other things. The
cells of our bladder are, day by day, progressing towards bladder
control. Inevitably, sooner or later, even without a single word
from a parent, a child will discover a new ABILITY - the ability
to control his bladder.

Every muscle in our baby legs are developing towards being able
to walk. Out brain cells will inevitably organize themselves to
permit logical thought, the manipulation of numbers and complex
equations, and the ability to reason. It is quite rare that a
baby or child does not experience TREMENDOUS exhilaration and
pleasure as this happens.

The Cultural Drive To Mature

While these wondrous and exhilarating changes are taking place
inside our bodies and brains, something else is effecting us,
something from outside of us, driven by our 'culture'. Almost
every interaction with our culture and the people in our lives
tends to support and enhance the physical changes of maturity in
a most positive way.

When we take our first baby steps, our mommy smiles and excitedly
says, "You did it, good for you. You took a step. What a
wonderful and terrific baby you are - learning to walk all by
yourself".

When daddy lets go of your two wheeler bike for the first time
and we ride without training wheels, the excitement in his voice
reinforces that fact that we have accomplished a GREAT thing.
"Good boy, that's it, you're doing great", is what we
hear.

When Mommy changes our diaper and it's dry, or when we sit on the
potty and our pee splashes into the toilet for the first time,
the sound of our mommy's voice reconfirms that we have done a
GREAT thing. "Oh, what a wonderful big boy you are", we
are likely to hear. "Now you are just like daddy, doing it
in the toilet like a big boy".

Again and again, day after day, week after week, month after
month, year after year, each milestone of accomplishment as our
brains and our bodies reach new heights of accomplishment, we are
led to believe in million of ways that we are doing a GREAT
thing. We are moving towards nirvana. Step by step, we are moving
towards maturity, towards adulthood.

AND EVERYBUDY KNOWS IT'S A GOOD THING. That's what it's all
about. That's the purpose in life.

Universal
Experience

Moving towards maturity, towards adulthood is the universal
experience in life, the thing that everybudy experiences. There
isn't any other experience in life that is more universal, more
generally accepted and more valued.

It is little wonder, then, that Infantilists have so much
difficulty in explaining themselves to their friends or
relations? This explains why even the spouses or friends of
Infantilists often have difficulty understanding the regressive
elements of Infantilism even after months of trying to explain
it? This difficulty is probably part of the reason for the guilt
and humiliation that many Infantilists feel?

Knowing these things, we can easily see why a talk TV show on
Infantilism brings negative responses. If we accept the fact that
most Infantilists have difficulty convincing their spouses,
girlfriends of boyfriends after months of years of trying, is
seems illogical to expect that a TV audience will 'understand'
after a one hour television show.

Knowing all this, many questions still remain unanswered.

Does Infantilism go against the entire grain of human
development? Is Infantilism a REVERSAL of all physical, mental
and cultural forces of human development? Is it right to want to
reverse our bladder muscle so it leaks like a baby. Is it right
to suck our thumb again. To poop in our pants. To sleep in a
crib. To wear clothes with snaps in the crotch. To give up our
ability to eat with a fork. To have someone hold a baby bottle
with a nipple in our mouth. And to crave and LOVE every element
of this regression. Is this not GOING AGAINST THE GRAIN, and
therefor wrong?

I think not.

A SPECIFIC
THEORY OF INFANTILISM

In every
way that you can conceive, the ideas and goals of Infantilists
seem to go AGAINST THE GRAIN of what is recognized as the normal
blueprint of human bodies and minds.

For this reason Infantilists sometimes feel guilt or humiliation.
They fear interactions with wives or friends or husbands who they
fear will not understand or will think that they are crazy, or at
best very mixed up.

That Infantilists appear to go AGAINST THE GRAIN is obvious. That
there is a purpose for all of it is not so obvious. While the
POSITIVE and GOOD of Infantilism is not obvious, it does exist
and needs to be explored.

Narrowing
The Scope

A human being is certainly far more complex than an Acorn. The
ingredients needed for proper growth and maturity are far more
complicated and varied.

The world is not a perfect place, and it is almost certain that
some of the ingredients needed for 'a perfect growth' are missing
for everyone. The results differ in thousands of thousands of
ways, like depression, neurosis, drug abuse, et al. Some of these
variations sometimes result in what we call Infantilism, the one
that is our concern.

How can we narrow the scope of human development to those that
lead to a more specific theory of personality - those that lead
to Infantilism?

Obviously this is a difficult task. Even a casual review of
Infantilists in the DPF Rosters show that there are tremendous
differences between one Infantilist and another. In fact, there
would seem to be as many personal, individual variations as there
are people.

Nevertheless, certain patterns do seem to become evident,
patterns that seem to encompass a very large percentage of the
environmental and inborn factors that are involved with the
creation of Infantilism in human personality. These patterns are
(1) Bedwetting, (2) Childhood Sexual Abuse, (3) Deficient Early
Nurturing, and (4) Rejection of Softness. Every Infantilist
probably has one or more of these patterns in their history, and
each Infantilist combines them in varying degrees. The variations
are limitless.

Bedwetting

Although Bedwetting is one of the patterns observed in
Infantilists, there are good reasons to reject it as one of the
primary causes of Infantilism.

While there are a good number of Infantilists who were bedwetters
as children (and a few who still wet the bed), and although they
often trace their early feelings towards diapers and Infantilism
to their bedwetting, there are reasons to reject it as one of the
primary causes.

About 20% of all boys wet the bed into their early grade school
years, and 5-10% of boys wet the bed into their early teen years.
This represents a lot of people. If bedwetting were a primary
cause of Infantilism, there should be a lot of Infantilist who
were childhood bedwetters, but this does not appear to be the
case. What seems to be true is that the percentage of
Infantilists who were bedwetters is approximately the same as the
percentage of bedwetters in the population as a whole.

This, I believe, leads to the conclusion that there are factors
more important than bedwetting itself that lead to Infantilism.
Bedwetting, itself, is more likely to be one of what I call
'triggers' rather than a real cause of Infantilism. (Triggers are
discussed later in this thesis).

Sexual
Abuse

After studying and reading hundreds of case histories, it seems
fairly apparent that sexual abuse is not a very common factor in
the cause of Infantilism, especially among males. Very few male
Infantilists report experiences of sexual abuse as infants or
children.

On the other hand, there seems to be a FAIRLY large percentage of
women Infantilists who were sexually abused as young children -
so much so that it is hard not to make this connection. The
problem is that the data base it currently extremely small
because there are very few women Infantilists who have been
studied. Further study in this area is necessary. Nevertheless,
Sexual Abuse does seem to be a major factor with women, and a
minor factor with men.

There does seem to be, however, two much more important factors
that lead to Infantilism in the majority of cases, which I call
(1) Deficient Early Nurturing and (2) Rejection Of Softness.
These are explored in the next two sections of this report.

DEFICIENT
EARLY NURTURING

Like an acorn, a human baby needs certain elements to help it
grow into the 'blueprint' that is already contained within the
respective genes. Just as an acorn needs the proper soil, light
and nutrients, a human baby needs things to help it grow into the
person it already is. A human baby is obviously far more
complicated than an acorn. Besides food and liquid, a baby needs
to be held, to be talked to, looked at, touched, smiled at,
played with and loved.

A human baby differs from an acorn in another way. While the
acorn responds to its environment in a basic way, a baby brings
to the process some personal inner factors, the tremendous
variations in inner makeup and personality of the baby itself.
Unlike two acorns, two different babies in the same family may
react entirely differently to a very similar environment because
they are very, very different beings.

A human baby brings into the growth equation it's own
'PERCEPTION' of what is happening around it. There is a sort of
give and take in the process, between the ACTUAL nurturing that
the baby receives, and the PERCEPTION of this nurturing on the
part of the baby.

But, whether actual or perceived, a deficiency in the nurturing
of a baby will most certainly have an effect on the emotional
growth pattern of the baby and the ultimate result.

The
Perfect Metaphor

Nothing is more symbolical of nurturing a baby or young child
than the attention involved in diaper changes. In this process, a
baby is touched and wiped and cleaned and fondled in (hopefully)
a loving and caring way. Every sensation is involved, sight,
touch, smell, and internal and external feeling. The nurturing
parent looks at the baby (hopefully with a smile). The nurturing
parent talks to the baby (hopefully sweetly). The nurturing
parent touches the most sensitive parts of the baby's bod.

Certainly it is clear to everyone, Infantilists and
non-Infantilists alike, that diaper changing is possibly THE MOST
PERFECT METAPHOR possible for the act of nurturing that is
required by a growing baby.

However, diaper changes are only part of the nurturing a baby
needs to receive. Any attempt to describe the infinite number of
variations in which nurturing may be deficient (or perceived to
be deficient) is totally impossible and probably not even
necessary. Each individual baby-child-parent relationship is so
unique that the reactions will be very different.

Many people grow up with some sense of deficient nurturing as
babies or young children. Yet, only a relatively few people
become Infantilists or diaper fetishists. This probably results
partly due to a combination of (1) the baby's or child's
personality, (2) the actual (or perceived deficiency) and (3)
what I call 'triggering' events.

Triggering
Events

Many Infantilists can remember one or more outstanding events in
their early childhood which seem to have led to their first sense
of what we call Infantilism, a love of diapers or the desire to
return to babyhood, the 'solution' to our nurturing deficiency.

A 'trigger event' is a conscious event which creates a strong
relationship in the mind of a budding Infantilist between the
diaper changing METAPHOR we have discussed and a perceived
deficiency of nurturing. Most triggers usually occur between the
ages of 5 and 8. The experience can be either conscious or
sub-conscious or both. It could be something as simple as being 8
years old and seeing one's two year old cousin having his diaper
changed. A 'triggering event' does not necessarily even have to
be a pleasant or positive experience, although it frequently is.
The following true case is a good example of a negative
experience that became a 'triggering event'.

Case #3: This individual grew up in a situation where the father
was absent from the family soon after he was born. His mother,
while wishing to be nurturing, found that the pressures of being
a single parent did not permit as much 'giving' as would normally
be required. His mother had to work to support the family, and by
the time he entered school he became a latch-key child. After
school he would play alone outside until his mother came home.

While his memories of any early deficiency in his nurturing are
minimal (few of us remember much from our babyhood), he does
remember being alone after school when he was 6, 7 or 8 years
old. These memories are somewhat painful and stands out clear in
his mind.

The 'trigger' in this case occurred when he was about 7 years
old. He had done something very bad, and his mother put a diaper
on him as a form of punishment. As far as he remembers, this was
the ONLY time his mother used this form of punishment, and he
recalls that he was very embarrassed and humiliated when this
happened.

About 6 months later he began to feel a strong desires to diaper
himself, which he recalls as a very pleasant experience. The
'diaper punishment' experience had changed into the METAPHOR for
the love and nurturing he felt he was missing. Development Of The Scheme

In the above case, the trigger of being diapered as punishment,
while a negative one, had apparently stimulated sub-conscious
feelings related to the METAPHOR of being diapered as the epitome
of nurturing. The solution to his feelings of deficiency of
nurturing was to be diapered (and therefor cared for, loved,
nurtured). It was his 'scheme' for recapturing all the things he
felt he was missing.

While there may be millions of variations, this form of
Infantilism begins with the development of an inner 'scheme' to
capture (or recapture) the nurturing that a person may 'feel'
they missed in their babyhood or early childhood. The 'triggers'
and the 'schemes' that develop usually begin between ages 5 and 8
- at a time when a child has the intelligence to be able to forge
a 'scheme', and a strong memory of the METAPHOR.

The 'scheme' we call Infantilism certainly runs AGAINST THE
GRAIN. Everything that most of us are taught in our early years
(ages 5 to 8) tells us that growing up is the correct and proper
direction. Being told that "you're acting like a baby",
is a very strong threat to a young child. In school, in books
children read, in movies or on television, children are
constantly shown images of their fellow 5 to 8 year olds
'learning' and 'growing' and 'getting bigger' (example, Sesame
Street). It is no wonder, then, that the Infantilist's scheme,
the one that begins to develop in their minds, appears quite
opposite, and quite wrong, and quite bad.

Conflict
And Guilt

Strong feelings of conflict or guilt begin to develop as the
scheme aimed at filling the deficiency of nurturing begins to
take form.

There is conflict between the natural forces within us to GROW
and the newly developed scheme to GO BACKWARD. There is conflict
between our feelings and all the things that society is teaching
us about the wonders of growing up. There is GUILT because the
budding Infantilist feels that their growing compulsion to
experience the emotional pleasure of regression is very very
wrong. It goes AGAINST THE GRAIN of everything they have been
taught.

REJECTION
OF SOFTNESS

The second major factor in the development of Infantilism is
called Rejection Of Softness.

Like an acorn, many of our personality traits that will develop
further as we mature are already in our genes when we are born.
Some of these personality traits are related to our gender,
whether we are male of female.

Almost every society and every culture there appear to be
elements of personality or human behavior that tend to be more
prevalent and more accepted in one gender or the other. There
seem to be traits that are most often found in males and traits
that are most often found in females. Not everyone agrees whether
genetics or environment is more important in forming a child's
personality, but almost everyone agrees that each has an
important effect.

I prefer to call these traits 'soft' and 'hard' rather than male
and female because I reject the idea that some 'soft' traits in a
man makes them more feminine, or that some 'hard' traits in a
woman makes them more masculine. Most people have a combination
of these traits, and a balance is probably quite healthy.

Combination
Of Hard And Soft Traits

Like most personality traits, everyone tends to be a combination
of hardness (more masculine) and softness (more feminine). A
human being is far more complicated than an acorn. The variations
and the combination of hard or soft traits vary in as many ways
as there are people. It would seem to me that some form of
balance of the two in each person's unique way is healthy.

At the key ages that the 'triggers' occur and the 'schemes' begin
to develop, most children are very aware of whether they are boys
or girls. They also are quite aware of behavior patterns that are
different between them and the opposite gender. They know that
most boys play with cars and most girls play with dolls. Research
has, for example, indicated a strong tendency for boys to want to
play with 'boy' toys regardless of any attempts to induce them to
play with dolls.

In addition to recognizing gender related factors within himself
and his friends, a young child also is aware of gender related
factors in his parents. He knows and sees that his mommy is, in
some ways, quite different than his daddy, and vice versa.

Young children also may become aware of differences between them
and their parents, or ways that they may WANT to be
different. For example, if their daddy hurts their mommy, it is
likely that a boy will develop feelings of NOT wanting to be like
his daddy, at least in this respect.

Diversion

By the ages between 5 and 8, some male Infantilists begin to
develop a very strong perceived or desired difference between
them and their father. This divergence manifests itself in one of
two ways, or in combinations of the two.

One form of divergence results from situations where the father
pushes the boy in a uncomfortable direction. By doing so, the
father is pushing the boy away from himself, although he may not
realize that he is doing this. The other form of divergence is
where the boy pushes the father away because he perceives some
ways in which he does not want to be like his father.

The result of these two forms of divergence is the same. The boy
and his father move away from each other, away from
understanding, away from acceptance of each other, away from
love.

In all of the forms of divergence that lead to Infantilism, the
father is always 'harder' than the boy. By this I mean that the
father always exhibits more hard traits than the boy has (of
feels he has). I believe there are practically no exceptions to
this rule. The father is always more macho or more dominant or
more rigid or more sports minded (etc) than the boy. Sometimes
the father's hardness manifests itself in nasty ways, such as if
the father beats his mother or behaves aggressively in an
unpleasant way. In many cases, however, the father's hardness is
not nasty, but is simply an attempt to pressure the boy to behave
is ways that are not comfortable for the boy. In these cases, the
father is either not able to accept the boy as he truly is, or
the boy does NOT want to be like his father in certain important
ways. In both cases there is rejection and non-acceptance. In
both cases there are forces that are separating father from son.

A father may tell his son directly, "You should go out and
play more sports", or "I don't want you to be a
sissy". Often the divergence manifests itself in more subtle
ways by the father NOT recognizing the boy's ability to play a
musical instrument or to be artistically inclined. Sometimes it
feels to the boy that the father just does not seem to have time
for him, to pay attention to what he really is.

There are literally millions of different ways this divergence
can take place, but in virtually EVERY instance that leads to
Infantilism the boy is always relatively softer than the father,
and either the father can not fully accept this difference, or
the boy does not want to be like his father.

It is important to state at this point that, in most cases, the
boy is NOT really a sissy, but is relatively balanced in his hard
and soft traits.

Nevertheless the father is 'harder' than the boy, and an
emotional divergence begins to manifest itself because either the
father can not accept the boy as he really is, or the boy may see
some rather nasty traits in his father that are normally
associated with masculinity. His father may be a bully or unable
to express emotional feelings.

In this case, the boy may be the one who creates the emotional
distance. The father may have some wonderful traits, and the boy
may be quite balanced, but the boy still feels a growing
divergence because he does not want to be like his father in some
important ways.

A
Logical Scheme

There are probably millions of boys who experience some form of
'divergence' when they are young, but only a small percentage
become Infantilists. There is either something about the
Infantilist's personality, or more likely some experience which
falls into the category of 'TRIGGERS' leading to the scheme that
uses the METAPHOR of wearing diapers or being a baby.

The metaphor of Infantilism is quite logical. This scheme reduces
the internal emotional conflict between the boy and the father to
zero. By wearing a diaper or by returning to being a baby, the
boy returns to a state where the father MUST accept all those
elements inside him that are yearning for acceptance. As a baby
wetting his diaper he is helpless, totally dependent and must be
cared for and LOVED for being just exactly what he is - a totally
soft little baby. Babies are the epitome of softness, as we have
described it. ALL babies, male or female, wet their diapers and
all babies are helpless and dependent and SOFT.

Imagine in your mind the most possible macho man you can think
of, maybe a football player who drinks beer and drives a pickup
truck and enjoys guns and rough sports. No matter how macho this
man is now, when he was a baby he couldn't stop his urine from
leaking into his pants. He drooled out the side of his mouth. His
bod had no muscles, but was soft and limp. His penis was smaller
than a thimble. When he needed help all he could do was cry. In
most ways, he was exactly the total opposite of what he is today.

While most emotionally healthy Infantilists don't really want to
become a permanent real baby again, they nevertheless begin to
develop a 'scheme' based on the METAPHOR to deal with their
world. Again, this scheme is probably triggered by an occurrence
(or occurrences) that occurs between the ages of 5 and 8. This
scheme tends to satisfy the emotional needs that they feel.

By using the Metaphor of their fantasies of wearing diapers or
becoming a baby, they can transform themselves into a state where
ALL of their personality traits are acceptable, and they can be
loved.

Case #4: (direct quote) "I agree that there may be common
factors in infantilism. My father was very authoritarian, and I
was afraid of him throughout much of my childhood. He wanted me
to grow up to be "strong" and stern like him. Instead,
I've gotten in touch with my softer side; little Scotty likes to
be cuddled and nurtured. My father just never received these
things from his parents, so was unable to give me that which he
didn't have.

My mother did what she could, but I was a sick baby and wasn't
easy to sooth. Perhaps this has something to do with my desires
to remain a toddler. Then again, it may be best if I don't
over-analyze it and just ENJOY it! I've not found anything that
brings me more contentment than to play in my diapers. I'm lucky
to have this. I might have grown up completely repressed like my
father - I consider myself fortunate that I didn'".

Humiliation

Another strong feeling or reaction that sometimes begins to
develop as the scheme begins to take form is HUMILIATION.
Humiliation is sometimes an important (and often welcome) part of
the emotional content of the scheme, and it may be easy to see
why.

In the scheme develops, the young Infantilist is going AGAINST
THE GRAIN in two ways. First, by NOT wanting to grow up, and
second by moving AWAY from some of the hard personality trait(s)
that are normally accepted as part of a man's personality. He
needs fantasies and humiliating experiences to help bolster this
METAPHOR.

In the 'Rejection of Softness' scheme, many Infantilists enjoy
humiliating experiences because they see them as part of the
shift of power that they want to feel. Many fantasies, therefor,
include such things as being forced to be a baby (against their
will) or being taken out in public dressed as a baby (against
their will). These ideas and feelings simply reinforce the
METAPHOR of helplessness.

I would like to end this chapter with a very exaggerated fantasy
that encompasses all the elements of Rejection Of Hardness.

(A fantasy) Bill's mother divorced his father years ago after his
father beat her and Bill when he was six years old. For some
reason Bill began to wear diapers secretly when he was eight
years old and his desire for diapers has grown as the years have
gone by. He is not sure why he does this, but sometimes he has
fantasies that incorporate very humiliating experiences. Bill
also plays left tackle on his high school football team.

This morning Bill was stupid and forgot to lock his locker before
going out to play with the team. His teammates have found one of
his diapers hidden underneath his shirt and sox. They hold him
down on the bench and strip off his football uniform. No matter
how much Bill begs, his teammates refuse to stop. They pull off
his underwear and start to pin his diaper on him. No matter how
hard he tries to keep it from happening, his penis is getting
erect. "OH, wow, it looks like little Billy really likes to
be diapered", they chant. "Come on", Billy, let's
see you wet you little diaper just like a little baby"

Billy can't help it. In spite of his humiliation, he feels an
orgasm building, and in moments he begins to cum in his diaper,
helplessly.

The whole team now knows the truth about Bill. He's just a baby,
and they know they can force him to do things they would never
have thought about before. Bill is aware of the growing sense of
'power' he sees in his teammates eyes, and this only seems to
cause him to sink deeper into feelings of being a baby. As tears
come to his eyes, he puts his thumb into his mouth and sobs
gently to himself.

Somehow, when his girlfriend finds out about all of this she
insists that he wear his diapers whenever they get together. As
her true 'dominant' character begins to exert itself, she forces
him to wear pink frilly panties over his 'baby pants'. Again Bill
seems unable to prevent what is happening to him, and his sexual
arousal when in pink panties and diapers is a constant reminded
that he really is a sissy.

In this fantasy story, Bill has become the METAPHOR.

OTHER IMPORTANT FACTORS

The Importance Of Teenage Fantasies

A great many Infantilists get enjoyment from fantasies involving
children. It is important to state emphatically that we are
talking ONLY about fantasy, and absolutely NOT the actual
involvement with children. DPF does not support or condone in any
way whatsoever the actual involvement of children in any
activities by DPF Members or other Infantilists.

Many Infantilists enjoy reading fantasy stories about children
involved with diapers, especially teenagers. If one were to graph
the ages involved in this type of fantasy, one would find that it
varies from early grade school age (about age 8) up to high
school (about age 17). The graph, however, would be a bell shaped
curve with the apex around age 13. Why age 13, and what does this
represent?

Age thirteen represents the epitome of much of the conflict,
humiliation and excitement that many Infantilists find sexually
stimulating. This is an age when most boys are struggling with
their newly discovered adolescence, both with some anxiety and
with some pleasure. It is common for a boy of that age to hold on
to some childhood behavior (by riding a skateboard for example)
while at the same time beginning to move towards adulthood (by
dating and/or having sex with a girl for example).

While 13 year old boys may be torn between childhood and
adulthood, adulthood is definitely the direction of choice.
Because a boy of thirteen is struggling to be a man, he will
often act and talk extremely macho to 'prove' how manly he is,
especially to his peers.

Because of the emotional excitement at this time of life, an
Infantilist can invent fantasies that are extremely satisfying
and sexually stimulating. For example, he can fantasize about a
boy who is struggling to prove to his school buddies how manly he
is, but finds himself being FORCED to wet his pants, to act like
a sissy or a girl, to wear and wet his diapers like a baby, or to
be taken out in the public dressed as a baby for all his school
friends to see. The opportunity for humiliation, embarrassment
and the resultant sexual excitement are almost limitless.

The METAPHOR can be applied in very forceful and exciting ways,
because it is based on reality. A teenage boy of 13 is often
living the conflict that more mature Infantilists often think and
dream about.

Unhealthy
Versus Healthy Infantilism

The behavior and mental attitudes of
Infantilists vary from extremely healthy to extremely unhealthy.

Healthy Infantilists have some ability to balance their
Infantilistic needs with their normal functioning as an adult. I
believe that a person who has balance in their life also tends to
be a happier person, in most cases, than a person who has
difficulty balancing these different needs.

The consumption of alcohol in some ways is analogous to the
problem of balance in Infantilism. Drinking alcohol in reasonable
amounts for social purposes or to enhance a meal with wine is
healthy and balanced, whereas a person who drinks too much or is
an alcoholic is rarely able to function properly in life. In some
ways, both alcohol and Infantilism offers a kind of relief from
some of life's pains.

An exact definition of healthy or unhealthy Infantilism is
difficult because of variations of human behavior. Nevertheless,
an example of a healthy Infantilist might be a man who has a
loving relationship with his wife and who shares his love of
Infantilism with her. They both participate in baby games
together. He keeps his Infantilism in balance with the other
aspects of his married life by holding a job and being a
satisfactory provider. If he has children (who will know nothing
of his little sexual games), he makes an effort to be a good
father. In short, a healthy Infantilist keeps his infantile needs
in balance with the rest of his life.

An example of an unhealthy Infantilist might be a man who feels
deeply and strongly that he wants and needs to be a permanent,
full time baby. In all likelihood, he has difficultly forming a
relationship with any woman because his needs do not leave much
room for any other person in his life except for a full time
mommy. Unhealthy Infantilists often believe that they will find a
woman who really wants to devote her entire life to changing his
diapers and to keeping him as a full time baby forever. An
unhealthy Infantilist is doomed to permanent frustration, because
he doesn't recognize that the mommy of his dreams does not exist,
of if she does she probably is also a very unhealthy and unhappy
person.

Finally, a word about what I like to call THE BLACK HOLE. This
term represents those certain forces that threaten to move a
person away from healthy Infantilism and towards unhealthy
Infantilism.

The emotional high that an Infantilism can get from wearing
diapers and being treated as a baby can be compared to the high
some people get from alcohol or drugs. There is always the danger
that one may become addicted to something that provides an
exciting high, and to wish to experience it deeper or more
frequently. Under the right circumstances, some Infantilists may
be vulnerable to being pushed away from healthy Infantilism
towards unhealthy Infantilism.

While this varies from individual to individual, I have never met
an Infantilist who has not felt the 'pull' of THE BLACK HOLE at
some time or other time in his or her life. One must be
constantly be on guard against this BLACK HOLE, and many
Infantilists are aware of this.

Of special concern is the use of hypnotic tapes. Hypnosis is a
somewhat mysterious phenomenon, and every individual has a
different reaction to it. Susceptibility to hypnosis varies from
person to person. Infantilists should be strongly cautioned to
ALWAYS be certain that any hypnotic tape that they use is made by
a professional hypnotist who is recognized to be a certified
psychologist or hypnotherapist (as are those made for DPF).

Is
Infantilism A Fetish?

There is strong evidence that Infantilism is not, in most cases,
a fetish in the usual definition of this term. In a typical
fetish, the individual gets satisfaction from an object or part
of the bod that is not normally sexual in nature. It is the feel
or look or smell of the object that is sexually exciting, rather
than any fantasy or emotional content surrounding the object.
Many male Infantilists can probably get sexually aroused even if
they are not wearing a diaper but are being treated like a baby
or little boy or girl. It is the strong emotional factors
explained in this paper that are more important, rather than any
particular fetish object such as a diaper.

Nevertheless, a certain percentage of Infantilists are probably
true fetishists in that they are strongly aroused by a diaper,
but have no need or attraction to being a baby or child or any of
the emotions we have been talking about. To the fetish
Infantilist, it just feels sexually exciting to wear and wet a
diaper, and sexual excitement is rarely present when not wearing
a diaper.

It is the emotional aspects that create sexual tension and
pleasure for most Infantilists. This is similar, in some ways, to
how the emotional aspects create sexual tension in people into
Bondage and Dominance. In both cases, the emotions alone can
create the sexual excitement.

The development of the strong sexual aspect of Infantilism is
also very logical because of the proximity of the diaper to the
sex organs. It is no secret that many boy babies get sexually
aroused when their diaper is being changed. It is rather easy to
see why the combination of the emotional content of Infantilism
with the proximity to the sex organs makes it completely
inevitable that sexual arousal will occur.

IN
SUMMARY

Although the regressive nature of
Infantilism is often misunderstood by the general public, this
behavior can be viewed as a logical reaction to emotional stress
that occurs in early childhood. This stress usually takes the
form of either an actual or perceived lack of nurturing or a
failure of the child's father to recognize and/or support the
softer elements of the child's personality.

These forms of childhood stress do not necessarily lead to
Infantilism, but are sometimes triggered by events that occur
usually between the ages of 5 and 10. Because the scheme that
developes seems to go against the grain of normal human
development, the Infantilist is often beset by feelings of guilt
and humiliation.

The fantasies that Infantilists enjoy take many forms, from
nurturing to dominance and submission. Bcause the emotional
content of the fantasies are much more inportant than the actual
items used (diapers), Infantilism can not be viewed as true
fetish, in most cases.

The practice of Infantilism can be healthy and healing if it is
kept in balance with a person's adult functioning and
responsibility.