Have you ever been on a date and what happens next is just so unbelievable you have to tell someone! Well this is my story…
I am a single father who has tried several ways to meet that special person to develop a rewarding...

There’s an old saying “Money can’t buy happiness.” Boy, did I find that out the hard way. Here’s a situation that I found myself in when I got involved with a rich widow who tried to buy her happiness and my love. It was a lesson that I will never forget.

It had been over three years since my divorce and so far my dating adventures had led me to believe that finding a quality person to build a rewarding relationship would take a lot of time and patience. There I was, back online searching for a new “Mrs. Right.” Who would I meet this time? Was I doing the right thing in searching for a relationship online or should I just let fate take control? At this point, fate had decided to not show up to the party so I was left with searching online profiles of single women.

Within a week of having my online profile posted again, I received an email from a lady inquiring about the university that I had attended. This lady was from the same small town where my college was located and mentioned in her email the names of people she knew that attended the same university. She asks me if I know them. Of course, I knew them, I attended a small university with an enrollment of 2,500 students. Everybody knew everybody at this small college. She asked if we could meet for dinner because she didn’t have many friends in the area. I noticed that she had not listed in her profile whether she was divorced, currently separated or had never married. Oh well, I guess I would soon find out.

The next night during dinner we chatted about the small town she was from and the friends we shared. She wanted to know why I had chosen the college and I explained to her that I received an athletic scholarship to play soccer for the school. She explained to me that she had relocated to my hometown with her husband when he got transferred with his job. She and her husband grew up together near my college. Did she say, husband? I thought to myself, “Wait just a damn minute, I am not looking to interfere in someone’s marriage.”

After dinner, she tells me that her husband attended the college and asked me if I knew him. As soon as she mentioned his name, I told her that we had been in several business classes together. She told me that the reason she wanted to meet with me because her husband had died six months ago and left behind two young children. All of sudden, a sense of sadness came over me. They had a four year-old son and an eighteen month-old daughter. My heart was broken for these kids.

She asked me if I would do her a favor and I told her I would be willing to help out in any way possible. She wanted me to come visit her son and play with him since he was having a hard time with the death of his father. Her son had developed nightmares and would ask when he would see his dad. She thought I might be able to help her son through this difficult time. She suggested that I throw the baseball with him and help him build his train set. Those were two things that his father would do with him. Of course I would, I told her that would not be a problem.

The next day I arrive at the address she gave me. It is a nice large home in a golf course community. I remember her telling me the previous night, that her husband had been a Controller for a large German company that manufactured industrial equipment. Apparently, he had done rather nice for himself and left behind a beautiful house. As I approach the house, I notice a BMW in the driveway. The garage door is open and there parked next to another BMW is a Porsche 911, very nice. I ring the doorbell and my new friend opens the door. The house is just as lovely on the inside, filled with expensive furniture and accessories.

Throughout the next month, I spend several days visiting with her son. We played trains, threw baseball and I even managed to get him to kick a soccer ball. It seemed like I was making a difference in his life and I felt good about the decision I had made. At the same time, I was getting to know his mom better. We had developed a good friendship. There had been no physical interaction between the two of us. I felt that would have been inappropriate since she was still dealing with the loss of her husband. We were enjoying each other’s companionship and I liked spending time with her son.

During my previous dating adventures, I had not introduced any of the women I met to my daughter. I never wanted to confuse her, she was young and I had not met anyone worthy of meeting her. Since this woman had become such a good friend, I didn’t have any problems with introducing my daughter to her or her kids. On the weekends that I had my daughter, we would go over to visit so she could play with the kids.

One night after dinner, my friend and I were in the kitchen cleaning up while our kids were upstairs playing. She tells me how nice it has been to have me around and that she appreciates me spending time with her son. I told her that I have enjoyed getting to know her and playing with her son. She hands me a present and tells me that it is something to show her gratitude for helping her son. I told her that she didn’t have to buy me any gift and that I was happy to help out. I open up the gift bag to reveal a Garmin GPS. I had just told her a few days ago that I was planning on buying one, what a thoughtful gift.

The following week, I am visiting my friend and she comments on my outdated cell phone and wanted to know why I had not updated it. I explained that even though I wanted a new phone, I didn’t need one and wasn’t looking to spend money on things that I didn’t need. She then begins to ask whether I have a digital camera to take pictures of my daughter so that I can download them to my computer to send to my family. I start wondering where she is going with these questions.

Before I know it, my friend is handing me two presents. The first is the latest Blackberry smart phone and the second is a Sony digital camera. I told her that I can’t accept these gifts and she tells me that they are tokens of her appreciation for the time that my daughter and I have spent with her family. I thank her for the nice gifts, but wonder if this will start to become a trend. I was not doing any of this for gifts, I was enjoying her company and getting to know her kids.

What are the breaking points that can cause one partner to end a relationship? Sometimes those factors can be major such as cheating or abuse. In certain random cases, it can just be a situation that one reaches a point where no matter how good things are, there is one particular annoyance that can not go unnoticed. I believe we all seek out relationships that we feel will be beneficial to our well-being. However, there are obstacles that may present themselves during the relationship that may seem small at first glance, but can cause us to take a look at the big picture which leads to the determining factor in ending a relationship. Here is one situation I found myself in and the unfortunate scenario that caused me to take a step back to evaluate the importance of a good night’s sleep.

It had been two months since my date with someone’s mom and the Asian Cole Slaw episode. I was dating a woman who I had met through a friend from work. Everything was going well until it came time in our relationship where we had decided to start spending the night at each other’s place on the weekends that my daughter was with her mom. So after a nice dinner one Saturday night, we went back to my place for a night-cap of wine drinking and watching SNL. She was getting tired and I suggested that she stay the night.

An hour into sleeping, I am awoke by what sounds like a bear choking on a bone. I soon come to realize that the sounds are coming from my bed mate. How is this possible? I had no idea a woman could snore this loud. For the next twenty minutes, I am trying to get her to roll over, but I soon find out that doesn’t fix the problem. She is knocked out, thanks to the three glasses of Riesling she consumed.

The noises seem to get louder and the choking sounds have now risen to a level that I am concerned she is not breathing. I finally get her to wake up and she asks if she was snoring. I told her I think she was either snoring or dying, not sure. She apologizes and asks if she wants me to leave. What am I going to say? Being the nice guy, I tell her to not worry about it. I tell myself that she is probably snoring due to the wine. Yeah, that makes sense.

For the next two hours, I am unable to sleep due to the ferocious sounds coming from this woman. I finally go into my daughter’s room and sleep in her bed. The next morning, I tease her about the snoring as I cook us breakfast. She apologizes and tells me that she has been told that she snores from time to time. I didn’t want to go into the depth of the snoring sounds with her so I changed the subject since I could tell she as getting embarrassed. Hopefully, I just caught her on one of those random nights.

In two weeks, I find myself at her place after going out for a dinner and a movie. She asks me to stay the night and I am hesitant at first, but realize that she had not drank any wine that evening. There should be no snoring, right?

In the middle of the night, I am awoke by the sound of what I think is a vacuum cleaner. I pop up and look around, trying to locate this mysterious sound. I look over and the girl that I had been dating has some contraption on her head with a mask over her face and a tube coming from her mouth to some machine. What the hell? Great, I am sleeping with Darth Vader. The rest of the night, I toss and turn in the bed unable to sleep. I want to leave, but that would be rude. I am not at my place so sleeping in another room would be weird.

The next morning, I am wore out from not getting any sleep. I am cranky and ask about the mask. She tells me that it is a CPAP Mask and that she had been tested for sleep apnea. Her doctor suggests that she slept with it on to make sure she was breathing properly. This explains why she snored so loud two weekends ago at my place. She was embarrassed to tell me and thought I would get more sleep with it on than with her snoring. Nope, it didn’t help at all. As a matter of fact, I think I prefer the look of a snoring woman than a masked villain.

After getting some sleep at my place, I spend the rest of the day thinking about how I can overcome this obstacle. I like this girl during the day, but if we can’t sleep together, the future of our relationship looks dim. I call her to discuss my concerns of not being able to sleep in the same bed with her due to the snoring or the humming sounds of the CPAP Mask. The only option that we can come up with is to sleep in separate rooms when spending the nights at each other’s place. That makes no sense if our relationship is going to grow, I have no time for that.

She was mad at me because I was making such a big deal about not getting any sleep when I should just appreciate the time we spend together. I get that, but if we can’t sleep together, this relationship won’t last. Unfortunately, we agreed to end our relationship. I was mad, how can snoring wreck a relationship? Was I being irrational on the importance of a good night’s sleep? What would you do?

Have you ever had the experience that you were living in a scene from one of your favorite TV shows? I am a huge Seinfeld fan and one of my favorite episodes was when Jerry is dating a woman with “Man Hands.” The scene in which the woman wipes something off Jerry’s face and he reacts to her large hands on his face is priceless. Well this is my version of that episode.

After my divorce, I came to realize that the majority of my friends were married. Which meant anytime we would get together, I was the “Single Guy” in the group. I was appreciative that they still continued to invite me to their parties and looked forward to hanging out with my childhood friends. However, the thought of being the only person in the group without a partner began to wear on me. I decided the next time, my married friends invited me to a party, I was going to have a date regardless of the situation.

It was a Monday afternoon in late February and college basketball season was in full effect. Where I live in Kentucky, you either bleed red or blue depending on if you are a Cardinal or Wildcat fan. College basketball is king in the state of Kentucky. A good friend of mine calls to invite me over on Saturday to watch both the Cardinals and Wildcats in conference tournament action. He tells me that the usual married couples will be over there and he would like me to bring my infamous “Asian Cole Slaw.”

Later on that evening, I was contemplating, whether to go online to find a date for this party or just show up solo again. Could I really find someone to bring around my friends in such short notice? What the hell? I decided this time I will show up with a date for the party. I sign in to my online dating profile and begin the search for my party companion. It has to be someone who enjoys college basketball and hopefully a Cardinal fan as well.

My first thought is to search through the women who had viewed my profile recently to see if there were anyone that fit that description. If they viewed my profile, they had to have some interest in me, right? Hopefully, this will be a quick solution to my situation. I notice that a woman with the profile name of “CardinalGal” had viewed me within the past 24 hours. Her profile mentions that she loves college basketball, bingo! The only issue, her profile says her height is 5’10” and I am 5’8″ on a good day. How much difference can 2 inches make? (I am sure there is a joke somewhere in that last question, but I’ll leave that up to the ladies.)

I shoot off a quick introduction email, mentioning that it sounds like we have things in common. You know, we’re both single, college basketball fans and root for the Cardinals. Well at least, it is a start. I click the “send” button and hope to receive a response soon. On Wednesday evening, I get a response from “CardinalGal”. We exchange a few complimentary emails and finally I ask if we can grab a drink the next evening. We agree to meet at a local microbrewery for beers.

The next night, while enjoying our beers and each other’s company. I decide to ask her if she would like to accompany me to the college basketball party on Saturday. She says that she would love to go and asks if there is anything she can bring. I tell her not to worry because I will be making Asian Cole Slaw and will bring some beer. She had never ate that type of slaw, but was eager to try it.

When I pick up my date on Saturday, I am shocked by her appearance. The 5’10” woman who I had recently met is now wearing high heels which is now putting her height to at least 6’0″ and I am still a meager, but proud 5’8″. On top of wearing high heels, she has teased her blonde hair very high and has decided to wear a leopard skin pattern blouse with tight jeans. I’m sorry, I thought we were attending a college basketball party not a 1980’s Def Leppard concert. Okay, it’s too late now, this should make for good conversation at the party. My friends will have fun with this.

We pull into my friend’s driveway and I notice that everyone is out on the deck awaiting our arrival. The shear anticipation they must feel as they wait to see my date. I stop the ignition and almost start laughing at the comments that will soon arise. I wave to my friends as I go around back to the trunk to get my cooler of beer and Asian Cole Slaw. As we are walking up the driveway, I hear one of my friends whisper, “Whose mom did he bring?” At that point, I wanted to laugh because I knew this was going to be a long day filled with jokes. I just hoped my date doesn’t catch on to my friend’s humor and that my cole slaw is a hit.

After introductions, my friends and I go into the living room to catch the announcer’s pre-game predictions. Immediately, they look at me and ask where did you find her, 1984? They want to know why did I bring someone’s mom to the party. At this point, we are cracking up and I am kicking myself for not flying solo to this party.

The food is being set out and I decide that at least my slaw has a chance. Everyone is loving the slaw and asking me for the recipe. It seems to compliment the chicken wings well. As I am eating my food, my date leans in and tells me that I have a piece of slaw on my face. Before I know it, her hand is on my face wiping the food off. Not only, is my date a lot taller than me, but I just felt the largest and roughest “Man Hands” on my face. I am grossed out and realize she could at least use some moisturizer because now I think I have a cut on my face. I notice my buddies smiling as they see my date treat me as if I am one of her kids.

The party is over and I am taking my date home. We both had a good time. I enjoyed catching up with my friends and she seemed to like talking with my friend’s wives about reality shows. We arrive at her house and she thanks me for inviting her. I lean over to give her a hug and she grabs my face with those enormous hands while laying a hard kiss on me. I now know what a basketball feels like after being palmed by Michael Jordan. Yeah, this isn’t going to work for me.

Why did I pressure myself into thinking that I needed to bring someone to this party on such a short notice. My friends would have been fine with me showing up by myself. This was my fault and I felt bad for bringing this woman to this party. At least we had some good laughs and someone’s mom got to taste Asian Cole Slaw.

My mother mentioned to me that her church had started a Singles Group and suggested that I give it a try. Worst case scenario, I meet some new friends. Who knows, maybe I meet a “Good Girl” at the church.

That next Sunday, I was sitting in a church pew listening to the pastor tell the congregation about trying new things to improve your life. He mentioned that you must have faith that those improvements will benefit you in life. As they say, “He was preaching to the choir.”

After the service, I introduced myself to the pastor and asked him about this new Singles Group. He mentioned that they had noticed a growing number of single adults attending their church. He hoped this group would be a way for single adults to form new relationships while sharing their interests inside and outside of church. I told him that I would attend the next meeting and was looking forward to it.

The group met the following Wednesday and I was anxious to meet the people in the group. Would I meet that “Preacher’s Daughter?” You know the girl who seems innocent at church, but leads a promiscuous life. Or would I meet that woman who was a young professional that attended church for the positive messages, but wasn’t a “Bible Beater.” Either way, it couldn’t be any worse than browsing online profiles of potential dating partners.

It was Wednesday and a sense of confidence had overcome me. I had a glide in my stride and a pep in my step as I approached the group’s meeting room. As I opened the door and looked around the room, I notice several older women and one older gentleman. I was in my mid-30’s and they appeared to be at least twenty years older. Maybe there is a younger Singles Group meeting in another room?

The pastor walks in right behind me and has everyone take their seats. I ask him if there is another Singles Group and he tells me that this is it. The only chair available is between two older women. I take my seat and immediately I am hit with the aroma of moth balls, lovely!

The pastor wants to go around the room so that everyone in the group can introduce themselves. I soon find out everyone except me has the same interests: crossword puzzles, playing with their cats and watching, “Murder She Wrote.” Could this get any worse? After the introductions, the door opens and a church member rolls in a cart with fruit punch and cookies. Really?

The pastor encourages everyone to mingle as they eat their punch and cookies. The two women next to me strike up a conversation and ask what brought me to the group. I explained to them that since my divorce I had been trying new ways to meet people. Just as I am finishing my sentence one of the ladies puts her hand on my leg and tells me that if I join their group that I won’t be lonely anymore. I politely smile, almost wanting to chuckle at the thought of becoming a senior citizen love toy.

Is this what will happen to me if I grow old and lonely? A dirty old man hitting on young women at a church group? Good lord, is this Metamucil or fruit punch? My mom is never going to hear the end of this from me.