Letting Go and Moving On

Some friends might sayâ€¦ what do you know about letting go? Your life has almost been perfect. Hahaâ€¦ IÂ will notÂ deny that I have not had a rough life compared to some other people. But I have had my fair share of ups and downs. And many a times, I feel that is the way you look at the situation that can change the tide.

â€œIt is not the circumstance that determines your experience in life, but your perspective that does.â€

I remember the break-up with my first ex. It was an excruciating experience. I was depressed. My weight plummeted. Well, not such a bad thing I guess. My weight has never gone to that new low ever again. I was moping around so much that my mum was getting worried about me. And seeing her so upset, upset me even further! I even wore one week of â€˜blackâ€™ to mourn my loss. My goodness, I canâ€™t believe that I did all those things then. But, well â€“ I did. And the thought that I had was, â€œI donâ€™t think I will ever meet someone who is as good as him.â€ And I continued to mope.

How did I get out of depression? Wonderful friends help. Meeting new people help.

My second break-up was a lot easier. I still was depressed for a while. But I bounced back quickly. And I remember making a conscious decision of letting go and moving on.

Maybe it is that decision that enables my second ex and I to still be friends. It is also that decision that allowed me to move on to my third relationship and start onÂ a white sheet, with no burdens or baggage.

A couple of days ago, Girlfriend told me she wants to die. She told me she wanted no other than him. She feels terrible.

I told Girlfriend. Perhaps you want to be in this state.

And she saidâ€¦ yes, to a certain extend, she enjoys being in this situation, because by hurting for him, it makes her feel good. Think girlfriend is in no state to move onâ€¦ because sheâ€™s deriving too much pleasure from moping for him. I guess in a way, even by moping for him, she feels closer to him.

I am at a loss of words actually. I did not really know what to say to Girlfriend. Perhaps the only advice I can offer is, the advice I a friend gave me in the past.

It is ok to mope and depressed for a while. Stay as long as you need in â€œthe wellâ€â€¦ but not too long because the world is going to pass you by. You might even start to feel very comfortable down there, as you are so used to the darkness and dampness of it all. You might even begin to think whatâ€™s so great of the outside world, too bright, too sunny.

But as you see someone dropping you a rope to get you out, maybe it is really time to hold on to the rope, and move on.

Haha, you are actually. Think it’s good to mourn too. It’s sort of like a ‘detox’. But what worries me is when people are so comfortable with the state that it actually gives them so much pleasure that they do not see the ‘pain’.

Letting go and moving on was what i had to do after ending a 9 year old marriage with my first love and suffered tremendously emotionally for about 6 months. Some great lessons learnt :
1. staying angry with a person only makes me suffer, why would i be that stupid?
2. to be able to fully let go is not easy but not impossible. support and understanding from family and friends helps a lot
3. new confidence in life breads and attracts opportunities
4. never give up on yourself, no matter what
5. everything happens for a reason, a good reason

Now, i am very much at peace and am able to see a clearer picture of what future holds. My relationship with my ex-hubby has never been more transparent and comfortable. From a ‘husband and wife’ relationship, it has transformed into a ‘best of friends’ relationship!

Soon, it will be time for me to look at possibly getting into a new love relationship again. Perhaps all I’ll need to do is to pay a visit to Lunch Actually for a consultation ….

Been to your place actually, about a month before my divorce was finalised and had a short session with your colleague. Quite impressive. Only thing was that at that time, I have yet to qualify as a single! 🙂

Now that I do qualify, I have not given it much thought. Perhaps it was the impression given that above 30+ years old, there is no guarantee of dates! Anyway, guess it would be interesting to go back to dating again … maybe …

In the mean time, have a great week ahead and take good care of yourself and baby.