Sally Jenkins of the Washington Post scored a precious exclusive interview with Joe Paterno last week and summarily pissed away the opportunity by deploying every tired Paterno cliche that gives Joe Posnanski an erection. He's lived in the same house for dickety-two years! He turned down the Pats because he loved Penn State! His mom didn't want him marrying a German broad! MAMMA MIA, THAT'S A SPICY MEATBALL!

There is no more telling fact than PSU having a regular class about Joe Paterno. Comm 497G: Joe…
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But the single most galling part of the whole thing is this passage:

He reiterated that McQueary was unclear with him about the nature of what he saw—and added that even if McQueary had been more graphic, he's not sure he would have comprehended it.

"You know, he didn't want to get specific," Paterno said. "And to be frank with you I don't know that it would have done any good, because I never heard of, of, rape and a man."

Are you fucking joking me? We're talking about an 85-year-old man here, and we're supposed to buy that he's never heard of "rape and a man"? What an unbelievable load of shit. "What's that, sonny boy? You say you saw a man-boy rape? Is Man-Boy Rape one of those hippity hop groups you like so much? KIDS THESE DAYS!"

You want to tell me that you were afraid to go to the police because you were afraid of relaying secondhand information that could potentially ruin a friend and colleague's life forever? Fine. I get that, even if you conspicuously fail to include all the potential institutional consequences that might also cloud one's decision-making. But when you say that you've literally never heard of "rape and a man," implying that you're too old and too fucking stupid to understand the particulars of that? BULLSHIT. TOTAL BULLSHIT. Joe Paterno studied the classics, for fuck's sake. You can't read Ovid without encountering 90 different rape scenes. An entire Greek city was founded on a man-boy rape myth. That's a ludicrous defense, and why Jenkins didn't challenge Paterno on it is beyond me. Instead, we just hear more about the amazing lack of trophies in Paterno's house. I guess JoePa threw out his trophy for Shittiest Way to Plead Ignorance.