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The Greatest Stories Ever Told

I’m starting a mini-series of the funniest stories I’ve ever heard or been a part of. For the first installment I’ll start with one of the more recent escapades. Picture it, Mystic 2011. It was the 4th of July and a party was in full bloom: As it was tradition,everyone descended on Casa de GPS for the annual summer bash. Food and alcohol were flowing as everyone swam naked in the pool. As night fell everyone remarked at what a drama-free soiree it had been. Little did they know the night was just getting started. Apparently someone who was a “friend of a friend” took it upon themselves to try and steal 2 Apple laptops. He did this by dropping a backpack containing the lifted electronics out a second story window. (The merchandise was later found in the bushes)

The attempted robbery was not even the most memorable part of the evening. Because Mystic is out of the way and everyone drinks beyond their limits, it is also tradition for everyone to sleep over. The next morning more trainwreck tails reveled themselves. Apparently during the night one overly intoxicated guest got up to take a piss while he was sleeping outside in a tent. In his drunken stooper he must have gotten lost because he ended up pissing on his fellow tent-mate. Luckily said tent-mate was into watersports so it wasn’t a total loss. Again, not the most memorable part of the evening though…

The detail of what happened next are still in question. Here is what we know: At some point during the night another guest got up to use the bathroom. This time instead of a toilet this guest decided to take a shit in the garage. Yes, you read that correctly. He shit in the garage. To be more specific his explosive shit got on the hood of the car, sink, and secondary fridge. That is what we know. What we can’t figure out is how and why? The location of the explosion is literally 5 feet away from a bathroom. Even with the benefit of the doubt, lets say the bathroom was taken or unusable for some reason. The garage is also 5 steps away from an outside door. If such an emergency occurred, why not at least go outside in the bushes? What bad decision lead him to think the garage floor was his best option?

It has never been confirmed who the shitter was but everyone has their suspicions. Someone supposedly confessed but I’m not sure I believe it. I think the false confession was a trick to deflect the blame. So the next time you get to drunk at a party and have your own trainwreck moment hold your head high and tell yourself “At least I didn’t shit in the garage.”