No More Naked Pictures for Playboy Magazine

You know what makes me sick? You know what makes me so mad I just wanna crack walnuts… on my forehead?

By this time… I am sure you have all heard… Playboy magazine has decided to stop showing naked women in their pages. Yes this is the end of a era… the naked women in magazines era. They say there is so much free pornography on the computer… there is no reason to put these beautiful young women in print. I think this means one thing. The terrorists have won.

I mean – yeah – maybe naked ladies are all over the computer – but this is Playboy magazine. This is… PLAY… BOY… magazine. Any man over 40 years old… the first fun balloons he ever saw… was in the pages of Playboy magazine!! The first ta-tas, sweater monkeys, melons, gazongas, pa-toots… or what have you – were in the pages of Playboy magazine.

I remember the first time I ever seen a woman’s cantalopes… I was just a little kid and my buddy Dub Meeker’s parents weren’t home. So he calls me and tells me to come over to his house…he found something. Well – I figured it was his daddy’s hooch…or maybe his cigars. But no – he found his daddy’s Playboy stash.

And right there in the middle of the magazine… was a folded out Barbie Benton. Now – at the time… we all knew Barbie Benton as the beautiful and hilarious cast-member of HeeHaw. Sometimes… she even showed up on Love Boat. But apparently – before that – she had quite a career – as a naked lady.

And suddenly it made sense how come Doc and Gopher went nuts when she came on board. They had probably already seen her naked.

Let me tell you… if you’re three-quarters of the way through puberty… and you see a naked Barbie Benton… you hasten to the finish line. Yeah – any questions you might’a had about your sexuality… pretty much cleared up – in a hurry.

Yeah – let me tell you… you do away with naked ladies in Playboy Magazine… 13 year old boys are going to be confused… until they get their own laptops. That can’t be good.

Wake up, America!!! I mean… you can’t hide an HP desktop computer… under your mattress. Not without being obvious, anyway. This could get ugly. I’m Earl Pitts, American. Pitts Off.