LOVE That Has No End 8

I looked at the clock hung on the wall, when it told me its time I go to bed I turned off the TV and walked to my room. Sleep was far away I knew it. To be merciful on my nerves I poured royal stag and added few ice cubes from the fridge. Sour part was yet to begin and who was in hurry ? Obviously not me, sleep never been in my favor lately. I kept the glass on the stand near the bed and sat on the bed leaning my head against the wall. I took a sip and let the merciless liquid flow on my still bleeding wounds.

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Few days later when Hazel came home she looked at me and said “You like her don’t you?”. As I didn’t want to answer her I just ignored her question and started asking about her new life, but then I didn’t have to answer because she already knew my answer. She said “She is a nice girl ……”. As I looked at my sister I felt something is wrong. I pulled her close so that I can see her more closely but she walked away. I blocked her path and said “why I feel something is wrong. Tell me what happened”. My sister laughed at me “What is wrong with what? I am happy, cant you see my everlasting smile?” saying she gave her one of her best smile. I was not convinced and said “Is he…”. My mom interrupted and said “Stop it, stop doubting, everyone is not like your father. She said right she’s happy. If something is bothering her she will tell. Don’t you darling?” .My mom looked at her and she nodded saying yes. It would have put my moms doubts to rest for definatly mine. My sister was hiding something from us.

Years passed, Joshna and I got closer not caring the weather and seasons. She found me around when she needed me and I found her close by when I wanted a warm shoulder to lean on. I dropped her many times to her college and her friends knew me by “Josh close friend” unfortunately not her boyfriend. She wanted to know about my father but when I didn’t say anything she understood the silent answer and never asked me about my father again. Days passed and everything was working according to my plan. All I had to do was impress Hitler’s elder brother and I will live happy ever after with my princess if the princess agrees.

Little I knew peoples happiness is short lived, one cant be happy for long time. One morning when we were least expecting Hazel came home crying with her bags all packed, there were bruises all over her face. She hugged mom and burst into fresh tears. When she was bit relaxed she started narrating the hell she is going through. “He is a cannibal, he’s moody. He is weird .First time he blasted me on our honeymoon. I thought may be I did something and made him angry. We came back and it happened again.” she wiped her tears “He doesn’t respect his mother, he calls her bitch. And and….”…her voice was trembling and my hands automatically tuned into fist. I thought I am going to lose my calm which I never did. I never imagined there will be one more ass hole in my family after my father but I was wrong. Eclipse was already on my family. I took deep breaths, I needed to be calm. I counted and counted and lost the count. I looked at my sister who was crying in my mothers arms

“Why didn’t you tell us all this before”.

“I thought I could manage but not anymore mom, I cant”.

My mom hugged her tightly and cried with her. How I wanted to beat the shit out of that bastard.

In between of all this mess Josh’s short time boy friend was getting married. On his wedding only I knew Josh would need someone’s shoulder to lean on and I wanted to be that shoulder. No matter how short period you were in relationship with someone, when that someone commits for the lifelong your strong laid foundation shakes to the waves. I wanted to be there when she needed someone. We went for a long walk that day, walking side by side without saying a word. She was sad as anyone would but she showed her brave face but deep inside she was hurt and I could see.

Hazel stayed with us for a while. But when society people started asking question about staying in mother’s place after marriage she decided to return to her husband’s house hoping he must have changed. How I begged her to stay with us and not to go. My mother went to drop her and talk to Abel. He promised my mother that he will take care of her. My mom left her in her husband’s place with heavy heart.

Every day we were worried about her. Even though she called us and assured that she is doing fine we didn’t believe her. It was not even one week when one morning she knocked our door. Dark circles under her eyes were the proof of her sleepless nights. There were new bruises on her face; her scalp was visible in some places. I boiled with fury; I hit the wall with anger. How I wanted to kill the bastard for hurting my sister again.

She almost collapsed on the sofa in the hall as soon as she entered the house. She was in shock, she could hardly talk. Her voice was all stammering. We let her sleep for a while but she got up screaming from her sleep. She screamed “Please don’t, don’t hurt me, please”. When she realized it is mom she hugged her tightly and cried “I am not going back to him mom, don’t let me go. I beg you mom, don’t send me.” She opened her bag and pulled out piece of torn cloth and threw it on the floor. Explanation was unnecessary for everything that small torn piece of cloth told the whole story. My eyes were flooded with tears for I loved my only sister more than anything; it was hard to see her so miserable, so distress.

My sister wiped her tears from back of her hand and said “two days after the wedding Abel’s brother and sister had a small meeting in one room. Even though I was in different room with kids I could hear them clearly lecturing him to change his life style, he married a nice girl and to take care of her nicely and not to treat her like the way he treats their mother. I didn’t understand then what they meant “change your old life style”. I sat there in another room with kids wondering what’s future is surprising me with.

“I still remember the day because it was the first time he fought with me. 4TH day after marriage we were suppose to leave for honeymoon in the morning. But previous night he left the house for a party leaving me alone and telling me to iron his clothes. Just for 5 days of honeymoon they were too many clothes but I didn’t say anything, I ironed them and packed his bag. There was this weird hat which I felt he might not need it so I didn’t pack it. At 4 AM he came drunk, I just opened the door for him without saying anything. He didn’t even bother to change his clothes, slept as he came. That morning I was getting ready and he saw the cap not packed. Suddenly he started shouting at me saying why on earth I didn’t pack his hat. He started blasting saying who told you to use your brains? Do how much you have been told. Even though I felt bad I didn’t say anything, I got ready but still he was not ready wearning those same liquor reeking clothes. I just told him to hurry up as it is getting late. He blasted at me what your standing and ordering do something .There was nothing I could do so I started praying so that we don’t miss our bus. On honeymoon he was holding this glass bowl, the way he was holding I knew it he’s going to drop it so I told him to be careful. Ultimately he dropped the glass blaming me because I told it will fall and it fell. It took me long to understand my marriage to this guy was a nightmare which I have to live every day. He never took blame for his mistake. It was only 4 weeks of my marriage and I already started to hate it.

We came home after that terrible honeymoon. As I was tired I got up late that Saturday and his mother prepared the breakfast, paav and salami. He got up around noon and started fighting with his mother as soon as he saw the breakfast on dining table saying its Saturday supposed to be good breakfast. I was again shocked to see his outburst. He ordered me to prepare chapathi for him and I obeyed him without questioning. His mother was upset but again he didn’t care. I was happy thinking the breakfast issue has been solved but I was very wrong. He made me sit with him and ordered me to have chapathi while his mother ordered me to have paav and salami. Torn between two people I chose my husband and had chapathi. His mother didn’t like it though. Even though it was her son’s mistake she decided to take out her frustration on me. I tried talking to her saying you know your son, what I am supposed to do, I am new to this house, and I don’t know whose side to choose. She agreed that it was her son’s mistake and then the old lady started complaining about her son. My sister paused for a while and said “he calls his own mother with abusive names. I was shocked in the beginning but then it became a routine. There was not a single day when he didn’t fight with me. After few weeks of marriage I was in depression, I was supposed to be happy and smiling but no, my blood pressure was high. One morning when the routine fight started I fainted, I couldn’t take it anymore. Family doctor who diagnosed was confused how I had high BP. I looked at my husband and kept quiet I am sure nobody in right mind would marry off their daughter to men like him. Days passed and the fights never stopped, they went on like nonstop Rajdhani express, without stop, fight for umbrealla, fight for ironing, and fight for every damn thing. I thought at least in public he would behave but no, he fights with auto driver, vegetable vendors, and fish mongers.

I was surprised how the old lady could bear all this pain. One day she got mild heart attack and we took her to the hospital. I don’t know what made the doctor do my health checkup as well. I prayed to god, prayed that I didn’t conceive but my fate was already decided. I was pregnant, only my mother-in-law was happy. I wasn’t happy; I have to go through the hell anyhow, why the small innocent baby should go through same pain. I hated my life, I hated my husband and there I was with his unborn child. Abel told me to quit the job so that I rest well but I didn’t. I didn’t want to spend a second more in the hell more than its necessary. I didn’t inform anyone in the office as I didn’t want to. During second month it started to bleed heavily. I was scared; I didn’t know what to do. As I didn’t want to worry you so I didn’t tell you. I googled and got to know it’s dangerous, I have to see a doctor right away. I booked a cab and went to see my family doctor he told me to show it to gynecologist. I sat there on the bench outside the doctor’s clinic holding the sonography reports in my trembling hand. Doctor looked at my reports and said I had a miscarriage. I cried, I lost my first baby mom, you know how hard it is?. I was bit happy though at least my baby was saved from this miserable life. I told Abel about my miscarriage and he blamed me saying I was ignorent. How I wanted to tell him that because of his mental torture and harassment I lost the baby”. She sobbed while I looked at my mom, she was alredy broken I could feel it. But she didnt utter a word instead she held Hazel in her arms.

“Days passed with his regular fights, Abusive words, his mother was having health issues but he never cared. One day we had been out visiting some of our relatives. On the way back he fought with me in the bus. I guess that was the first time I didn’t budge. He got down from the bus in the next stop without informing me and started walking. Somehow I stop the bus and got down.Abel walked leaving me alone in the empty street at night 11 O clock. Somehow I managed to reach home on my own. I was angry my patience had reached its saturation point. As soon as I reached home I asked him how can he leave a woman, his wife alone in empty street? I looked straight into his eyes and said “I am tired, if you continue to do this I am going to leave you, your miserable house”. He looked at me for minute and then like a cruel animal started tearing up my clothes, my top, and my inner garments everything and made naked in fraction of second. While I cried begged to stop he stood there and looked at me with satisfaction of his work and said “you want to leave, leave now. You are free to go …….” I was in shock and couldn’t digest that my own husband did this to me. I cried but tears didn’t come. I wrapped myself in bed sheet and slept on the floor, I felt so vulnerable mom, and I never want to go back to him”. Ending her story she huddled herself into mothers arms. Those torn bits of clothes were still in her bag. She said “I am never going to throw them away, that will remind me every single minute what an animal I married to.”

When I couldn’t see my sister so helpless, shaken to the core, I walked to the table and hit the glass vase to the floor. My blood was boiling, I had to hit something or else I would have murdered that son of **

My sister was sleeping finally when my mom called Carmen and said “I treated you like my sister and you cheated on me”. Carmen said she was not aware of Abel’s true behavior. But when my mom said “But your sister knew it and you say you don’t know”. Carmen still said “No Helen, trust me I would never hide such things from you…”. My mother just banged the receiver to its base bursting into tears. First she saw her husband took her for granted and now the most trusted friend ruined her daughter’s life. No matter how many times Carmen said she was not aware of Abel’s character my mom believes that Carmen knew to certain extent.