What if Father's Day were eliminated for a few years?

By Kathleen ParkerColumnistPublished in The Orlando Sentinel on June 18, 2000

Not to be a party pooper, but Father's Day just isn't fun anymore.

At least it's not for millions of divorced fathers who don't see enough of their
children. Nor for as many children who barely know who Dad is. And certainly not for
columnists, who are supposed to say something pleasant when there's very little pleasant
to say.

In fact, our culturally designated days of celebration have evolved instead into days
of protest. At this moment, assuming you're reading this on Father's Day, hundreds of
divorced fathers are protesting in Washington.

Or maybe it's thousands or even millions, depending on which press release you read.
More likely, you read little more than a small blurb in your local paper. Johnnie
Cochran's Rule of Headline Writing is this: "If you can't alliterate, don't
pontificate."

Which is why you know everything about "Deadbeat Dads," a favorite
alliterative standard among headline writers, but less about millions of fathers who have
been sidelined by a cruel and greedy divorce industry.

A Million Moms is another story. Put a million moms on the front lines and you've got a
front page. Recall that Mother's Day 2000 was also a protest moment with
"millions" of moms picketing pistols and other gun fare.

The fact that there weren't actually millions of mothers marching in Washington was an
annoying detail much more easily ignored than writing a dud like "Hundreds of Mothers
Want Gun Controls."

The tired truth is, fathers have legitimate reasons to protest. Divorced fathers -- 80
percent of whom lose primary custody to their ex-wives -- know too well that being a
weekend/holiday visitor to a child's life is not parenting. It's sad and alienating and
counterproductive both to children and society. Don't we all know the stats by now?

In a bombshell, father absence is the most important predictor for drug abuse, truancy,
sexual experimentation and criminal behavior. More than 70 percent of all juveniles in
long-term correctional facilities are young men who grew up without fathers in their
homes.

Good fathers know this and so gather each year near Washington's monuments and in other
city centers, hoping someone will notice the empty space in America's family portrait.

Though surely scoundrel-dads are plentiful -- and I've heard from most of their
ex-wives in 12 years of column-writing -- surely, too, a larger percentage of the millions
of divorced fathers are decent guys. They are fellows good enough to have attracted and
held the love of their children's mother for at least a few years.

As for those deadbeats, 80 percent of fathers who have regular visitation with their
children also pay child support in full and on time, government figures show. Yet you
would think from the relentless reportage on deadbeat dads, especially emanating from the
Al Gore campaign these days, that most divorced fathers are nursing Dark 'n Stormies on a
pink Bermuda beach.

Given that Father's Day is a painful mockery for many of today's dads, perhaps we
should eliminate the day for a while. A national resolution might go something like this:
"Whereas society no longer values fathers or recognizes the importance of fathers in
children's lives, encouraging through commission or omission the expansion of new
father-absent `families';

"Therefore be it resolved that Father's Day be eliminated until further notice,
instead designating the third Sunday of June as a national day of post-divorce cease-fire
during which children are free to spend a guilt-free day with the parent of their
choosing."

I realize such a resolution falls short of a Hallmark moment, but it might produce the
relatively pleasant possibility that a few more fathers might see their children on the
date formerly known as Father's Day.

Kathleen Parker's column also appears Wednesday in the Sentinel's Living section.
Also check out her Web site: www.kparker.com. Her e-mail address is kparker@orlandosentinel.com