About Us

So you want to know a little bit about us, eh? Why else would you have clicked the tab? Well, let’s see what we can’t do to give you a brief history of Rachel & Melissa; aka Two Winey Bitches…

Ironically, in High School we were nicknamed “the grape wenches”, which thankfully is known only to a select few. Kind of funny, seeing as how we grew up to be winos. But wait! You clicked on the tab for the full story of the Two Winey Bitches. For that, we’ll have to go back… way back…

1983… fade to a school yard and two girls meet for the first time: “I love your Duran Duran shirt”, “Thanks, Roger’s my fave!”, “Mine too!!” – And there you have it, friendship is born. Considering both of us were “in love” with the same man, the fact that we didn’t throw down right there remains one of life’s most intriguing mysteries. You know, like the Pyramids and the Yeti.

Summer of 1987, we stumble upon another sign from the heavens that this friendship was meant to be; “Band of the Hand”. Now, if you haven’t seen this brilliant movie about “five hopeless juvenile criminals sent away from prison into the Everglades for a survival training under the Indian ‘Joe’”, you won’t quite get the inaugural love of “bad”. After watching this glorious train wreck (multiple times), we realized our shared passion for bad movies. Who could imagine the bounty that reality TV would eventually bring us! BFFs to the end!!

Now here’s where it gets hinky… cut to 1988 when we stop talking. To this day, we have no idea why, other than we were 17 and female – insert typical list of options here. Most would probably be right. But even petty girl drama couldn’t sever this bond!

Fast Forward to 2008. Yes, you read that correctly… a 20 year hiatus. We’re stubborn. What do you want? We find each other again through the magic of Facebook and try to remember why we stopped talking; eventually deciding it was because one of us was a bitch. Which one still remains a topic of great debate. You see the trend right… bad movies/television, grapes, bitches… The hiatus is over.

Which brings us to today…

Here we are, sharing our love of wine and bad television with the masses (or at least the dozen friends who feel guilty and read the blog). When the passion for sarcasm comes as naturally as it does to the both of us, it would be a shame not to share it. We consider it our civic duty. We hope you consider it fun.

You know I never like to disappoint our readers… unless there’s something in it for me… but, alas, there are no Season One recaps for BRT. We were still in our diapers over here in TWB-land and only discovered BRT halfway through the first season. So, we Tweeted about it but didn’t blog about it. Our sincerest apologies that we can’t provide you the snark you so desperately seek.

But we are looking for ideas for new shows now that our Texas ladies are leaving us. Any thoughts? Anything we might be missing that is in need of mocking?

You two are frisky and such a hoot! I loved your comments about The Bachelorette and was almost late getting to my job orientation this morning because I was so engrossed by your posts. Thanks a bunch for the laughs–you made my day!

Thanks, Janet! Sorry we almost made you late! And sorry we’re so late this week with our write-up. I’m working on it right now! It should be ready when you’re home from work and then you can be late for dinner. 😉

Stumbled on you via google and have spent 2 hours! laughing hysterically at your commentary. Loved this season, and had to keep clicking to previous show’s comments just to see your humor. Thank you so much!

Just curious if you have have seen Mob Wives? Would love to read your commentary about this show and the newest cast member this season Big Ang. These women make any of the Housewives look like Saints by comparison.

I have seen Mob Wives, but I’m too scared of those crazy women to publicly criticize them. I’m pretty sure I could put up a good fight against any Housewife, but those ladies are another world. Funny you ask about Big Ang. I was just at a store in Ft Lauderdale shopping. The owner told me Big Ang just bought a place near the store and was there shopping. He said she was really nice, but her boobs in real life are insane. ha ha… She actually cracks me up but I have a hard time with that voice. What’s your take on Big Ang?

Dear Winey Bitches,
I just found your blog and I love it. I enjoyed reading about the history of your friendship. I’m so glad you found each other after so many years. You sound like down to earth great ladies with refreshing senses of humor. Thank you for giving us your blog.

Why You’re Here

We take the best parts of some bad tv, break ‘em down over a few glasses of vino (funny flows better when wine flows freely) and share them with you so you don’t have to waste hours of your life watching on your own. You're welcome.

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