5 Types of Domestic Violence That Are Often Overlooked2018-09-112019-03-15https://www.strongheartshelpline.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/170104_stronghearts_logo_horizontal.pngStrongHearts Native Helplinehttps://www.strongheartshelpline.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/sh-5-types-dv-blog.png200px200px

Abuse can be more than broken bones and black eyes. What about the harmful behaviors that aren’t always talked about?

Most people know of domestic violence as physical violence—pushing, slapping, hitting or strangling—all stirring images of bruises and black eyes in our minds. While there is no doubt physical violence is a traumatic type of relationship violence, people tend to forget the other abuse types, which can make it difficult to recognize when it’s happening.

For Native Americans, the impacts of domestic violence are severe, affecting one in two women and one in three men, according to a 2016 report by the National Institute of Justice. Most Native Americans have experienced violence in their lifetime, and one-third of the population has experienced violence in the past year.

No matter the reason for the abuse, domestic violence is never okay. Like colonization, domestic violence is about power and control. In an abusive relationship, one partner will use repeated abusive actions to maintain power over their partner. While it’s important not to minimize the pain caused by physical violence, all forms of relationship violence deserve our attention, too.

Cultural and Spiritual Abuse

One of the lesser known but most destructive types of domestic violence is cultural and spiritual abuse. Since culture and spirituality are often at the core of who we are and our way of life as Native people, being attacked for your identity, background or beliefs is as personal as an attack can be.

Spiritual abuse can happen when a partner prays against you or your family or misrepresents spiritual or tribal beliefs to get you to do something you don’t want to do. A spiritually abusive relationship restricts a person from honoring their spiritual side or religious beliefs or may force someone to abandon their beliefs entirely.

Emotional Abuse

Unlike physical abuse that can leave noticeable bruises or marks, emotional abuse leaves invisible scars that can take a lifetime to heal. Through emotional abuse, abusive partners use repeated manipulation and criticism to hurt their loved ones, shaking one’s confidence and self-worth.

Emotional abuse can look like:

name-calling or constant criticism

extreme jealousy or possessiveness

isolation from loved ones

making you feel guilty for spending time with friends or family

blaming you for the abuse in the relationship

In some cases, abusers might turn to another form of emotional abuse called “gaslighting.” When using gaslighting, abusers will deny their hurtful behavior by making their partner question their own reality and sanity, leaving their partner feeling confused, anxious, isolated and depressed. In this situation, it can be very difficult to recognize that you are being abused.

Financial Abuse

Financial abuse is a form of relationship abuse where one partner controls their partner’s financial situation. Abusers may intentionally damage their partner’s credit, where partners may find their credit cards maxed out, bad checks written or loans taken out in their name without their knowledge.

Financially abusive behaviors can include when a partner:

refuses to give their partner money for food, clothes, gas and medicine

steals money from you or lies about how shared money is spent

gives you an allowance and tracks your spending

keeps your paycheck or per capita payments

blocks your access to bank accounts or statements

Since domestic violence is about power and control, financial abuse could be used to dictate how much someone works or prevent someone from working as a way for the abuser to control their partner’s financial dependence on them, making it difficult to leave the relationship.

Digital Abuse

Digital abuse is a type of domestic violence where abusers hurt, threaten or intimidate their partner through technology such as phones, computers or social media. Some abusive partners may even use technology such as GPS or social media updates to track or follow their partner or go as far as to monitor their partner’s computer activity.

Some signs of digital abuse can include:

constant calls or texts

reading through your messages or conversations

telling you who you can and can’t be friends with on social media sites

sending threatening or insulting messages

revealing private information, secrets or photos of you online

demanding access to online accounts

In a digitally abusive relationship, an abuser might pressure their partner to send naked or explicit photos or videos, which is a clear sign of digital abuse in the relationship.

Sexual Abuse

Sexual abuse can occur within our most intimate relationships, whether you’re dating, married, or have a child together. As one of the most traumatic forms of relationship violence, sexual abuse and rape involve a destruction of power and an attack on one’s personal sovereignty.

In a relationship, sexual abuse includes any attempted or forced sexual act against a partner through violence or coercion. It can include when a loved one:

uses degrading, sexual names or slurs against you

expects you to dress in a sexual way

disregards your feelings about sex

threatens violence to back up their sexual demands

forces you to have sex against your will

Whether in a relationship or not, rape, sexual abuse and rape go against our traditional life ways, and survivors are never to blame.

There is also authoritarian abuse. Someone who is in a position of authority over you such as a doctor, counselor, law enforcement officer, military officer or teacher. They use their position most often to sexually or emotionally abuse their victim. It’s not necessarily a long term relationship but is a relationship and is sometimes long-term. A therapist can cause irreparable damage to the overall health and well being of an individual.

V.November 13, 2018

I am suffering from domestic violence and my child is suffering same abuse from the same perpetrator recently filed dv TRO that was signed and stamped police fail to arrest him for he has broken these orders no one will help us sometimes we feel like giving up because of the multiple motions and slander and perjury caused by the perpetrator and his family that encourage him

StrongHeartsDV AdminNovember 13, 2018

Hi V. — Thank you for reaching out to us at the StrongHearts Native Helpline. We hear you and strongly encourage you to call us at 1-844-7NATIVE (1-844-762-8483), Monday through Friday from 9 a.m. to 5:30 p.m. CST, as we cannot offer online support or referrals at this time. Our phone advocates can offer anonymous and confidential support and referrals to culturally-appropriate resources at no cost.

You may also wish to contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-7233), which is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Both StrongHearts and The Hotline are toll free numbers. The Hotline also offers an online chat service that may be a safe and confidential option for you. Please visit http://www.thehotline.org and click on the red “Chat Now” button in the upper right hand corner. Thank you.

A.January 2, 2019

Hello, I am suffering through emotional abuse by my boyfriend… he name calls, he gets aggressive and defensive when things don’t go his way, he becomes more angry when he is at fault and doesn’t want to admit it. He never apologizes for his faults and accuses me of being the one to have hurt him first, he constantly tells me he is unhappy for no apparent reason as to why, he doesn’t respect my tears when I am constantly crying over not being respected and I just had enough.

StrongHeartsDV AdminJanuary 4, 2019

Hello A. – Thank you for reaching out to us at the StrongHearts Native Helpline. We hear you and strongly encourage you to call us at 1-844-7NATIVE (1-844-762-8483), Monday through Friday from 9 a.m. to 5:30 p.m. CST, as we cannot offer online advocacy at this time. However, our phone advocates can offer anonymous and confidential support and referrals to culturally-appropriate resources at no cost. You may also wish to contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-7233), which is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Both StrongHearts and The Hotline are toll free numbers. The Hotline also offers an online chat service that may be a safe and confidential option for you. Please visit http://www.thehotline.org and click on the red “Chat Now” button in the upper right hand corner. Thank you and take care.

R.March 31, 2019

I have been traumatized and brutalized and the law basically was in on it to state basically wouldn’t do nothing and I’m still getting the same it sucks when you’re supposed to be protected by the law and you’re not I have a story to tell if somebody wants to listen to me, it would be nice to have somebody to talk to that would listen

StrongHeartsDV AdminApril 1, 2019

Hi R. – Thank you for your comment. We hear you and strongly encourage you to call the StrongHearts Native Helpline at 1-844-7NATIVE (1-844-762-8483), available daily from 7 a.m. to 10 p.m. CST, as we cannot offer online advocacy at this time. When you’re ready to reach out, our phone advocates can offer anonymous and confidential support and referrals to culturally-appropriate resources at no cost. You may also wish to contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-7233), which is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Both StrongHearts and The Hotline are toll free numbers. The Hotline also offers an online chat service that may be a safe and confidential option for you. Please visit http://www.thehotline.org and click on the red “Chat Now” button in the upper right-hand corner. Thank you and take care.

C.April 4, 2019

DV happens to all women and sometimes men. We all should stand together on this.

A special thank you to the Family Violence Prevention and Services Program (FVPSA) for providing immense support for the development of the StrongHearts Native Helpline. This project described was supported by Grant Number 90EV0426 from the Administration on Children, Youth and Families, Family and Youth Services Bureau, U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. The opinions, findings, conclusions and recommendations expressed in this publication are those of the author(s) and do not necessarily reflect the views of the Administration on Children, Youth and Families, Family and Youth Services Bureau, U.S. Department of Health and Human Services.

Special thanks to Verizon, the first corporate partner to invest in the creation of StrongHearts Native Helpline.