This is my journey and experiences in tantra, in dominant and submission. I will focus on what is happening now, but also I need to give you a background posts of my sexual experiences. This is all a mix of my tantra training and my newer experiences in the D&S with my tantric goddess V. This is my blog, my words but V gave me the idea so that I can more fully explore the 'sub' activities we are doing as well.

Monday, October 26, 2009

Monday, October 12, 2009

I last posted in June. A lot has happened in my life. NOT much of it with V actually.I some LONG trips this summer and we were able to connect for a month. I do miss her so. I miss the connection we had. Daily connection via phone or email.NOW weekly at best emails. We haven't talked in a long time.I miss her voice so much.It had just been a long times since a post and I wanted to say SOMETHING here.I even took a tour of links on the side over to the right.Like my last post, I cannot do any such surfing at work any longer.Nice to read familiar 'voices'. Written words are the voice of the writer. Glimpses into the world of the writer. This morning has been a rush of emotions.

Thursday, June 4, 2009

V and I were able to 'get together' the other night. (Just on the phone remember). Well it was like last winter all over again. V guiding me through some intense emotional releases. It felt so good to be relaxed to have her voice in my ear, to have her in my mind really. Sharing our ups and downs of the past few weeks. No rush, no rush at all. I get quiet sometimes, just feeling being in her presence, she usually says 'what ya thinkin?' depending on her tone, it is just inquiring or sometimes, this time, it has sexual undertones. We had connected, now was time for sexual thoughts. I felt as though I was pushing it, forcing the conversation, V just told me to relax, she would make sure I got what I needed. "I always do don't I?" Yes you always do V, you always know what I need.

She would guide me, touch the tip, just touch your nipples, squeeze hard, we explored many places on my body, my body is becoming one entire sexual organ. When I start riding the edge of orgasm, V will just say, "Cum for me" or "Cum now" in a deep sense, she has me hypnotized in a way. I am totally aware of what I am doing, but I can have an orgasm when ever SHE wants me to. It is a most amazing experience.

I must have cum, 30 times, I truely lost track of them all, totally lost track of time. I totally released a huge amount of built up tension and sexual frustration. I was so relaxed and calm the next day.

We just have to enjoy the times we have and we are making the most of each of them.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

We couldn't talk. Too many people around on my end.So we texted. We hadn't talked in a while anyway.She was horny, VERY horny. We had chatted a bit earlier in the day about our last encounter, like I posted about, and that had really aroused her. The spanking, Rage's comment about the spanking, how I felt about it, how she wanted to see me with a collar on, erection with a cock ring, my erect cock bouncing around.

A little spanking.

She was telling me how wet she was, I was telling her how hard I was. My wife not 15 feet away reading a book. I undid one button and pinched a nipple at her request. More arousal from me and from her.

Friday, May 22, 2009

We had a 'meeting' recently, phone meeting.

Different than most actually. It had been a while, weeks. V had had some stress, work, other guys.. well she sort of took it out on me. Our interactions, she was quite demanding, quite forceful in her dealings with me sexually. Since our encounters are phone sex imagination plays a huge part. Being able to drop into that visual scenario in each or our minds is where the arousal occurs. Different for sure, but still it can be and was this last time, quite erotic.

She was describing spanking me. Now in reality I am not sure how I feel about that actually, but in the moment, talking about it, I knew it was arousing for her, I can sense when she gets aroused, so I just dropped into that space in my mind and let it happen.Scratching, biting, all of that was occurring.. I kept saying "mark me, mark me" I just wanted her to mark me in some way, with her nails, with her teeth. That was quite arousing for me, and V as well. She had a most powerful orgasm. I had many, many orgasms.

There will now be a time of little contact, due to my home environment. We both know this, acknowledge it, yet still I feel something missing by not being able to talk to her.We chatted online last night, and as we talked about our last phone encounter, V was getting aroused... she told me.. I could feel it... it took so much self control to NOT call her...BUT there are times when that is just the way it has to be.

Monday, May 4, 2009

Some time opened up and we were able to talk. A good time, very good time.We spent a long time just talking. We hadn't talked , just talked in a long time. V had had a stressful week, and needed to just talk and be quiet. Relax.. she really needed that, it was a calming time as well.She then said, "I want to make you cum" she was ready to make me cum, that brought a smile to my face and a rush to my cock.We concentrated on me more that her this night. She was really focused on bringing out the intensity of pleasure in my cock... the slit.. pressure, rubbing....the orgasms... there are times V says your 'orgasms are beautiful' . They just seem like orgasms, some more intense than others, but when I don't push and just let them overwhelm my body.. they become whole body orgasms.I very pleasurable evening!

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

I have been laying low not many calls to V, trying to be 'good' etc etc.Not my favorite choice in the world but a necessary choice at the current moment in time.

I was able to talk to V a number of times when I was out of town. Also a number of times, we fell asleep on each other. Kinda funny actually but we had our orgasmic times.

Just recently we were able to talk one evening. Again I just had a short window of time. BUT we made the most of it. V was intent on making me 'cum'. That was what SHE wanted, to hear my orgasms, over and over and over. The slit on the end of my cock, the 'place behind the balls' (perineum actually, I am very sensitive there, in a GOOD way).

I did as directed. I touched where she said touch, I didn't touch at all for part of the time, yet still the arousal built up to a crescendo. Her voice, her tone sends me over the edge, her energy transmits to me that excites me so. No other can excite me the way she does. I feel her energy in her voice, I know her arousal, I can sense it.

It was short, but it was sweet.

That night, I had a dream. I was walking around whistling, some unknown tune. I never do that in real life, but in this dream life, I was happy and content. Walking around like the opening scene in Andy of Mayberry.. LOL..THAT is how i felt!

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Well, a long trip, and as it comes to a close, I haven't written anything here....

work, VERY busy, very long days, like 12-14 hour work days. all that leaves me tired at the end of the day, some days no dinner even, a couple of beers, off to bed.

I have talked to Goddess V, a number of nights, not every night, one or the the other is tired, asleep... different time zones come into play on this trip as well....

BUT there have been some amazing phone sessions, some amazing erotic releases. The kind of "old days" of a couple of months ago... lol

here it is late again, seems V is asleep tonight, last night it was me who went to bed 'early' and last night I had no energy at all... she texted me and from her 'tone' I knew she was horny.. I just had NO energy.. 14 hour work day, some food.. and... I was out...

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

As you can tell, we are not talking directly at the moment, our mutual decision at this point. Frustrating? HELL YES. Do I want to talk to her? YES.

We did have a great time recently. I saw or maybe realized a different side of V, a very tender side. She was so supportive of me and my dilemma . I also realized more of our feelings toward each other. Absence makes the heart grow fonder they say. Well there is something to that, but there is also a closeness brought on by talking or contact every day. Then when that every day contact is taken away, the absence is more profound, a deep longing arises that had been there, but becomes more profound.A sense of need of the other. A sense of "I just want to feel your presence". We will just have to see how things develop, I miss her SO MUCH!Her voice, her little laughs, and as she says, I miss her "enjoy tormenting" me, those are such lovely arousing times.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Rogue and I had some time to talk while he was away on a business venture but originally he did not plan to talk. I knew he was away and was able to talk but I also knew that he was trying not to communicate with me. Eventually, he found himself in a state of intoxication before he ended up sending me a text message. It was a very emotional time for him. This has been a challenge for both of us. The recent discovery has also given me a scare. A part of me is terrified that I will be sought after by an angry wife or someone else close to Rogue. I could very well lose my job if that were to happen. That sort of behavior would not be tolerated.

The complications continue.

But, we were also able to come (cum) together in several wonderful releases that seemed to make things okay for a short while. I do so enjoy tormenting him through those releases.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

well... the discovery caused much pain, emotional, with me, V and my wife.. the past almost 2 weeks now..

My wife told me.. 'I want to hate you'

V tells me.. " just tell me what you want"

lots more.. but V has been such emotional support, the past year, always there.. wife now monitoring every move at home, internet, phone calls, checking my cell phone,.. I am in a state of paranoia plus..I just don't know what to do..

V said in her last post,.. she felt confused by me.. she has given a LOT to me..... and she felt I was 'jerking her around' even if it was unintentional...

I was(am) hurting everybody..... I am in a state of confusion, emotional isolation, sexual island... alone.. without anything....

I need something solid, something warm, soft.. to just hold at this point in time..

I have a cold bed...

I am traveling this week.. normally I would be talking to V every night... long...She has other commitments anyway.. I knew about before the discovery of the cell phone messages....even if I texted her.. she couldn't talk....

V has been such a light in my life the past year...She has shown me many things... she has always been there..emotionally, sexually(via phone) even just a friend some times..but she has given me a LOT, A LOT.... more than I ever asked, freely openly...she has invested a lot of emotion in me.. in ME

Friday, March 6, 2009

I spoke to Rogue last night and I mentioned to him that we needed to update everyone on the latest and not-so-greatest of recent events. Long story short - our text messages were discovered. It has really stirred up a hornet's nest of things. Communication is now relatively non-existent. We talked some last night but I was very frustrated and tired because of other things. I respect his life and those in it, however, the whole I-don't-know-what-to-do thing frustrated me. We had talked about this possibility and I expressed that I had no problem with stepping back so that he could focus on his other responsibilities. It was not an idea that appealed to Rogue.

After intermittent discussions, I decided that I would not be the one to contact him. Typically, he initiates communication.

Then, after that conversation, he decided that was too hard for him and so he texted last night and we talked for a while. I do not mind the lack of communication so much as the "no, we won't talk" followed by "yes, we will" followed by "no, we won't, but maybe we will".

I know this is a difficult time for him and I want to be supportive - even if that means removing myself from the situation to allow him better focus on other things that may require his attention.

Rogue will likely offer his own views of the recent events and I will continue to support him as he needs through this. But a person can only give so much emotional energy.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Tuesday and Wed.. I get a text message from V.. "Pssst I am feeling horny"

Multiple times..

SHE really wanted me.. she really wanted to get off...

I couldn't talk Tuesday night.. BUT we did hook up Wednesday night..HOT, she was so VERY HOT.....

THEN last night.. I had some free time.. late...She wasn't in the horny mood of the previous 2 days... we talked a long time..until I found a parking place in a motel parking lot that afforded me some private space.

OH wow.. V sent me on an orgasmic ride I have never experienced before..over and over and over.. she wouldn't let me stop.. I was gasping for air, the windows steaming up from the heat off my body.. she refused to let me stop.. orgasm after orgasm..SO INTENSE.. I was completely exhausted.. COMPLETELY...and is the way with me.. that orgasmic intensity frees me up inside. I become open and relaxed.. still today.

Rise and falls of orgasmic intensity.. We have hit a rise in intensity again..

Sunday, February 15, 2009

I haven't said so.. but you could guess by my posts, both v and I have been busy at our respective non-blogging lives, non-phone sex lives.I would laugh, but it isn't much funny really, ironic maybe. Desire is there, ALWAYS there.

There is even some potential for some real life sex for me.. other than my wife.. BUT.. things don't ever seem to work out with that woman..

Anyway with V, we talk, chat, IM, text.. contact. This past week has been more with our respective daily tensions and such. I know she was feeling a bit frisky last night, I just couldn't get away. TOO much of a watchful eye upon me, no time, no space...arrrggg

Thursday, February 12, 2009

I don't do those weekly questions. There is one TMI, Tuesday, two much information.well this week the bonus question was: What does sex mean to you?

I have been thinking about that question all week. One blogger Ms. I wrote this response to the question:

What does sex mean to you?Sex means pleasure and biology and connection and a natural way of being. I do know that sex is not one thing, but it it many things; like a shape-shifting mirage, perhaps it appears exactly how one needs it to in the moment. Refuge? Yes, it can be that. Relaxation? Sure.

Sex is the participation in the gigantic mosaic of human life. It says to the world--to one's self--I am here. I am breathing. I am alive, and I elect to participate in life. It is nothing more and nothing less than validating one's own humanity.

I was thinking of trying to add to her words. To me I can't add anything eloquent. For me all I can add is...

Monday, February 9, 2009

If you care about having great sex, then you need to care about intimacy.

It now seems to me, like a 'duh' why of course. Because sex is not just sex, sex is intimacy, sex is being open with the other person, sex is 'sharing your soul'.Sex, great sex is not about cumming as fast as you can, it is about riding the wave of ecstasy together. Being calm in your mind to share, to be in that orgasmic place and share that with your lover.... being intimate with your lover.

Saturday, February 7, 2009

Just when I tell myself, ok due to life'e events, things will just be calm for a while, a week or two, then teasing ramps up.Last night driving back home late, I text V things ramp up quickly, I call, we talk. How close to home are you? she asks, when are you expected home? Put the cell phone on speaker, pinch your nipples.. yes harder, HARDER..

Her erotic voice in my ear again, such arousing sounds. her voice in general is so pleasing, but when she slows down, gets softer, gets into erotic mode, my body responds immediately, I instantly get hard, instantly get aroused...

She know EXACTLY what to say, when to say it, how to arouse me like no other person, she know what I need.

After a bit I find a commuter lot.. or should I say "cummuter lot" park next to a big 15 passenger van.. and we get to play for a while.Very hot, very erotic. She got aroused, I went over the top.. 'give me your orgasms' she would say.. then 'say it, say you are giving me your orgasms''give me everything, say it' I do, I did. I became lost in an orgasmic frenzy, totally spent, feeling amazing, joyous. What is amazing about our encounters is it is just phone sex, long distance phone sex. But the words, imagery, her knowing what to tell me to do, to get us both aroused, multiple orgasms.. all of that...

The feelings of arousal and then of the bliss that follows such release, is beyond words. The floating, the tension gone, calmness in my mind and body.

I can always tell if V is feeling good afterwords. She laughs this little laugh. It is so sweet, so erotic actually. I love her post orgasmic laugh!

Thursday, February 5, 2009

V has been quite stressed from her work, and is also a bit under the weather. SO everything has slowed down. Arousal, teasing everything. Life intrudes on the sexual all the time so we shouldn't be any different. We still talk most days. The evenings have been comforting for her really. I am glad to be of some comfort to and for her. Being 'of service' can take many forms, and just being there works sometimes.

I actually enjoy the sound of her breath as she falls asleep. I get a feeling like I am just holding her as she her breath changes and she totally relaxes, lets her stresses of her day go, and she goes off to sleep (the past 2 nights).

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

I don't mention my home life much here for a reason. I will just say I don't get a feeling of appreciation, or of fulfillment or of 'feeling something' at home.

I was excited yesterday, some good things happened, not a big deal really, but I was really upbeat, happy, excited. In some people, in me anyway this can translate to being aroused, that good happy energy just goes into arousal and I think of sex and wanting to share that. Well that wasn't happening at home last night.

I texted V a few times, told her of my arousal. BUT a phone call, a phone sex session wasn't going to happen either, too risky last night. Not intended to be arousal and denial, but that what it turned out to be. Last night, and today, this morning, woke up aroused, VERY aroused. Now days I just don't WANT to have an orgasm totally solo. I just don't want it. There is sometimes marital sex, but not very often. When I feel like I did last night and today, I want to 'feel' V, I want to hear her voice. I was laying awake and I could feel myself dropping into that zone, I could hear V's voice in my head, what she would say. I could ride that edge of orgasm without touching any part of my body, just thought, and erection. I didn't have an orgasm, I wanted one though. SO today V didn't tell me but I thought the same thing one day last week, so on my own I am wearing a cock ring to work. All day. It reminds me of her, I feel her, feel that arousal for her all the time. This is keeping me on that edge today.

Sunday, February 1, 2009

I never know how a sexual encounter with V will go. Every time is different. Being phone sex, mind play at its extreme. There are visual fantasies we play out, some really hot ones we redo like the collar on me in the sex club where V forces me down to give her oral. That one is extremely erotic for me, and for V in the control she has over me.

There are fantasies that just come and go.Sometimes it is just straight 'sex'. V will say sometimes you need to just be fucked tonight! wow yeah that is hot really hot.

Then there are just her telling me touch that slit on the end of your cock, as she hears my voice change, yes there slower, faster... There is; touch that place behind your balls.. this is becoming a favorite for both of us. I can achieve multiple orgasms touching that place faster and deeper than any other place. V gets a real treat here, she cums multiple times herself. Sometimes I am so into my own orgasms I don' t realize she has cum. Then there are times I hear her becoming orgasmic, and a few times I have just said 'cum with me' and pow she does.. those are the most erotic times.. usually after I have had many, many orgasms.

We usually end up with me finally cumming, after 20 or so orgasms. BUT not always.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Yes V said I was whiny last night. She detected frustration in my last post, yes there was I admit it. But when we started talking, I was in a mood, and she wasn't at first, and build up of whinyness developed. We talked, we were in silence, we talked some more, silence some more, then we worked into some very intense sexual release. I will say last night was the most exhausting time we have ever had. I was totally spent.

Within all of those multiple orgasms, V was able to be with me when I hit some really deep emotional issues. Stuff from way back, growing up, and I will say some of the frustrations with her even. She stayed with me though all of that, was amazing as she always is when I go through these orgasmic emotional bursts..

Trip is over back home. Not sure if I will go home tonight or not though. A lot of family issues, I haven't mentioned on this blog, but that are weighing heavily on my mind. That was part of the clearing out of 'sexual blockages' as V calls it we went through last night. She wanted to do that so in her words I "would be more clear to deal with those issues."

Goddess V is a true gem of a woman (she doesn't like compliments ;)) and from one perspective like a tantric healer, guiding me through these multiple orgasms and clearing out emotional baggage, and things I keep blocked up inside me.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

This won't be about the details of each orgasm or series of orgasms. This is how I feel inside, how all these orgasms make me want to be with V so much. Her words stir in me such want and desire as I have never felt. The release of internal energies, of internal blockages, of internal anger and pain, makes me feel free inside. I feel free to do and feel and say anything. Post orgasmic glow takes various forms with V, sometimes we fall asleep, sometimes we talk, sometimes we are super energized afterwards and talk for another hour or so.

We grow closer with each passing encounter. How can all of this happen and just be phone sex? It doesn't seem possible. All of this without her physical touch, her physical scent on me, without actually touching her breasts, kissing her full lips. It is happening. Longing and desire grows and grows, like my cock when it gets aroused at the thought of a nightly erotic encounter with her.Longing and desire fill me. Wearing the cock ring all day yesterday, I would feel it, then think of her, think that I was doing this for her, because she wanted me to this. To serve her.

I want to be with her physically SO much, she knows, I tell her most every time. She can read, comment and even post here, there are no secrets between us really. We are totally open with each other. Yet, she is like a phantom sometimes, just out of reach of my fingers. I stretch and stretch, and she is almost there, BUT.. then a breeze and the wisp of her is gone.

In one sense this is the ultimate tease and denial. It drives me crazy sometimes. She has her reasons for not wanting to meet at the moment. I am patient. I am very patient. When will she 'be ready'? My longing for her touch, for her soft hands to touch me, for her soft kiss on my lips grows with each passing day, with encounters like this week in a motel, where we have all this free time to be together with me being in the hotel.

This came out last night, intensely, loudly during a long, long orgasmic release V sent me into. If there are people in the next rooms they know too. My Goddess V knows (like Santa Knows what toy you REALLY want for Christmas) what I want.Meeting has to be on her terms, in her time, I know that, still....

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

On a business trip. This allows daily, totally, relaxed phone conversations with Goddess V. Just talking sometimes about each of our daily lives, daily problems, just normal conversation. Listening, just listening.

This time also allows for more amazing phone sex. Amazing couple of hours of phone sex each night. A couple of hours? Yes.Closeness, we become closer each time, each time is different.

Since V has brought out this multiple orgasm ability in me, it opens up all kinds of scenarios. Last night there was, denial, arousal and denial for a long time, hour or 2(that may not seem like a long time..but). V teasing me, bringing close to orgasm, but I am not allowed to touch anything on my body, not my cock, not my nipples, not the perineum (that spot behind the balls).

Then we went into our minds, well with V's words in my mind I can have an orgasm with just thought. Just a thought of a scenario we have toyed with; a fantasy of me with a collar at a sex club and she pulls on the collar and pulls me down to give her oral pleasure, licking sucking, cleaning up all of her juices, all of this as other people are watching. For some reason this fantasy really turns me on; giving her oral pleasure while being held down by a collar. When I am in this erotic zone( an analogy is when I used to get a runners high, that kind of feeling internally), where it feels real in my head, I can have multiple orgasms with just the thought- JUST THE THOUGHTS of giving V oral pleasure in my mind and I can have an orgasm.

Then later last night V decided to get me aroused, then would hang up the phone, and call me back, I had to have an orgasm on her count to 10. "10, 9, 8... 1 Cum Now" she would say, and I would orgasm.We did this call and response a number of times, I lost count. Many, many times. Last night left me totally physically spent, exhausted.

Today, and the rest of the week I have wear a cock ring going around this conference. So today, I feel this cock ring all the time. I think of V with every step, at random times when I feel that cock ring. Knowing I am serving her by wearing that cock ring. If somebody had told me 3 months ago I would be doing this, I would have said that is crazy. Now I want it, I want to serve V. I know it gives her pleasure and in that she gives me great pleasure.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Well due to home life- mine- we had gone almost a full week without phone sex. Of course this was driving me absolutely crazy with desire. Then add the stress of last week on top of that, again on my end. BUT we had talked every day, V was there for me emotionally, even if it was just 15 minutes on the phone. She is ALWAYS there for me. In times like last week, I realize a LOT. I realize how she cares for me beyond the sex. She cares for me emotionally in a very deep way. She won't necessarily say the words, but her actions tell me how she feels.Saturday we got together, she told me 'you need release' OMG. We had flirted via text me in a wine bar writing in a journal, she eating pizza and drinking wine until she could get away. Intense, arousing, mind altering orgasms. Again with my multi-orgasmic mode, she just kept making me orgasm over and over and over. This perineum spot behind my balls, pressing hard, I get in a zone, an orgasmic zone and V just tells me to cum, cum for me now, cum now.. and I keep cumming.. this is so arousing for her, she cums, and as I hear her orgasms I explode even deeper. I got to a point of pure emotion, just raw emotion and I actually started crying it was so intense. V was there, it is ok, I am here she would say. I was able to release all this built up emotion inside WITH my Goddess V's help and direction, with my surrender to her I am able to relax totally, relax emotionally.

She came 3 or 4 times herself, I orgasmed many times, I didn't count and came twice. With this my body feels totally different. This area from my solar plexus to each hip, that triangle area there, relaxes and feels SO good, so at peace. My mind is calm.

We were talking later, this week and V said, "you don't want sex really, you want that emotional connection" I have thought about that, and true, yes I want that emotional connection, but that emotional connection is brought about by the orgasms, by my submitting to her. By as she made me say the last time we had phone sex, by 'serving her'. That is what I want and desire most of all.

Friday, January 16, 2009

Been busy. I have something to post, but not enough time to write what I want at the moment.V and I are in a sort of self imposed sesxual-denial phase at the moment, not much arousal because of my life at home, but because there is no sex with the wife, the pressure builds within me. We have talked and will continue to. The last time we had phone sex was amazing and I want to relive that here in the next few days.

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Life's ebbs and flows. V has been working very hard this week. Back to 5 day work week, and some other things she is doing. And she is getting some stress (she calls it frustration) from another source. Our late night meetings(conversations) were cut way back this week. I miss her, I miss the connection we exploded into the past 3 weeks. I miss what happened last saturday morning. I remember THAT vividly. Neither of us can get together this morning. Last night, we just talked. The issues going on in her life. I just listened. I frustrated her a bit on Thursday night, so last night was for her, totally. I am forgetting her exact words last night, she just wanted comfort, she didn't want me to go, so we just listened to each other breathe.In being with her last night, a calmness came over both of us it was soothing... I really felt close to her emotionally last night. She just wanted my calmness. I felt she relaxed.

All I could give her last night was my presence, just being there with her on the phone. Being calm.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

I came across a couple of quotes from a Tantra teacher Laurie Handlers.You can google her name and get all the references, web site etc.

She says about Tantra:"If you want a love affair that is sexually electric and truly intimate, you have to begin by unblocking and unleashing the sex force that is already inside you and learning to feel safe expressing it, in whatever way feels right to you. In order to do that, fear and rage and grief – feelings that you’ve learned to resist – have to be acknowledged and cleared out on a regular basis, and that alone can be one heck of a ride."

What I feel I have with V is truly intimate and so very electric.

What V is guiding me, and I am allowing her to do via my multiple orgasms, is exactly what this quote says. V has helped me unblocked my sexual awareness actually. There have been orgasms where fear came up, where sadness came up. And lately, pure joy. I have become as I said in an earlier post, completely vulnerable, and totally safe to express this sexuality to her, I am completely open to V.

Sunday, January 4, 2009

I have read some about how a man can bring a woman to multiple orgasms, vaginal orgasms that allow her to ride the orgasm for great lengths of time, 10 minutes, 1/2 hour, an hour. For women it logically seems more possible to do this since ejaculation is not usually tied to the orgasm. With me, the orgasm and ejaculation are almost always coincident. I have mentioned how because of exercises, some yoga, tantra, keigles, meditation and breathing I have had these non ejaculatory orgasms off and on for a few years. Now with V they have become more frequent, then the past 2 or 3 weeks they are now so common, they are my norm now, and when I get in this aroused state, V can just tell me in a firm voice, cum for me, cum NOW, CUM NOW, and I have an orgasm. sometimes it is just that one, but sometimes I can get on a wave, and really ride the orgasm. These orgasms have peaks and valleys, they rise in intensity and fall down a bit.

Saturday morning I had the most incredible ride of my life. For about an hour I think, I had orgasm after orgasm, I rode some for minutes I know. There was one time where V said, stop pushing for it, just relax and let it wash over you, those words, her insight into what was happening to me was amazing over the phone, but I did what she said and the orgasm changed, it softened, I stopped pushing and it literally, washed over me like a wave. And kept coming and coming. I did cum as well, 2 or 3 times, I don' t really know or remember. My cock was uber sensitive, she had me rub the sensitive part, the slit on the front, I wanted to stop, I needed to take a rest, V wouldn't let me, I kept rubbing..I hit this internal state of just pure raw emotion, I was just emotion, it was pure joy.

The fantasy we were playing out was having me tied to a bed, a 4 post bed and she was the one playing with my cock, riding my cock, using my cock for her pleasure. I think she said I was her "fuck toy" and you know, I really liked the idea, I wanted to be her fuck toy. I still want to be her fuck toy.

Now some might say that what we are doing, since it is just 'phone sex' gone wild, isn't the same as real D&S or Tantra. I can't really speak to that since this is my only experience. I do know the fantasies we are playing out, feel real in my head, my orgasms are real, V's arousal is real, her orgasms are real. The way I feel afterward is real.

Goddess V said she would like to get me in this orgasmic state for an entire day. I would be a puddle of a body at the end I am sure. Utterly spent. But you know.... I want that too.

Thursday, January 1, 2009

Both V and myself off for holidays. New Years week. We get late night talks, late night sex play. I go on errands just I can talk to V, hear her voice, and sex play. V has been getting me more and more into the very long non-ejaculatory orgasms. My orgasms make her very aroused. She has insisted I play with my nipples as well. My left one is sore most of the time. Every times I pinch it, and tell her it hurts, yet this act arouses me, and arouses V even more. I press on the spot behind my balls, that nerve bundle has become a spot orgasmic intensity. With V's encouragement, I can continue my orgasm for what seems like minutes, V would have to say how long these orgasms can last.

With all this time off, all these special times together, all these intense orgasms, I become more open to her, more vulnerable in general when we are talking, I would do anything she asks at this point, knowing now she has my best interest in mind. Such a trust has developed, such openness, even a oneness between us.

The past week our 'relationship' has grown, it grows with each encounter, it deepens with each encounter. I am still amazed at what is happening to me with V.

Tantric Goddess V has lead me to a place of emotional release, of freedom.