Stories from Tucker Max: horrible, awful, real-life person

Tucker Max, who made a splash in 2006 with I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell, returns with more XXX-rated adventures in a new epic that has hit the nonfiction best-seller lists.

Most newspapers list the title as ——– Finish First (Gallery Books, 404 pp., $25.99) The eight-letter first word is another word for “jerks.”

Max is an A-S-S-H-O-L-E. He says so in big letters on his website, TuckerMax.com, which was the launching point for his books and the film based on his raunchfests.

Book 2, which we shall call AFF because we don’t want to offend anyone, is more about Max’s drunken quest to ridicule everyone, sleep with an unhealthy number of women and then tell his side of every depraved story in shock-me language.

Max, 35, says his life is quieter than most readers think. “I write about the funny, outlandish, ridiculous things that happen in my life. I don’t write about the fact that every morning I take my dog for an hourlong walk along the lake behind my house because that’s not funny,” he said by phone during a tour stop in Arizona. “I’m not drunk every day by noon, that’s just ridiculous.”

The centerpiece of AFF is “The Tuckerfest Story,” in which he and his buddies end up in a New York City police station after crashing their rented RV in Harlem and drawing the ire of locals. Max was on his way from Chicago to New Jersey to be a celebrity judge at the wrestling match when the trip got out of control.
After that 2003 incident, Max realizes that many of his fans are the type of people he relishes mocking.

The last third of the book reveals how notoriety changes Max’s game with women. Now females often seek him out so they can say they slept with Max or even write about how he performs in bed.
He is winding down a book tour that brings him to Houston Tuesday Nov.2, before he returns home to Austin.

Seven more things to know about Tucker Max

»After a memorable night out, Max will make notes the next morning for possible use on his website or in a manuscript. “I don’t keep a diary,” he said.

»Seeing his dog, Murph, can make him lapse into baby talk.

»Some of the events in AFF occurred 10 years ago. He thinks he may have enough material from his past to keep him writing for several years.

»Hilarity Ensues will be title of his next book. He promises it will include details about the Miss Vermont incident, which led to a lawsuit that became a First Amendment case and made TuckerMax.com famous.

»On those occasions when the police get involved, Max does not mess with cops. “Assuming you haven’t committed a serious crime, if you are very, very accommodating and helpful to them, you’re going to be fine 99 percent of the time,” Max writes. “You just have to remember at the scene they are God.”

»Life as a single continues. Is anyone surprised when he says he is not in a relationship?

»Even Max has his slow time. The AFF tour isn’t generating any good stories, he said. “I’m not going out much. Being on tour is grueling work.”