Tag Archives: unhappiness at work

Four months in and I’m getting the hang of the place. By hang, I mean I understand how things sort of work. And by work, I mean that each department does things differently because there are just no rules about what can and can’t be done. It’s the Wild West.

Since the money is still rolling in, this shoot first and ask questions later seems to be tolerated. Never mind that the company has culled a large proportion of its workforce in the last year. Never mind that there is little sense of team and that lunch hours are usually solo eating ventures. The place is still commercially viable despite its foibles.

I begin to think that this is the culture. Everything is down to the individual. Want to get things done? Do it your way. Just make sure that the margins are positive. There is no trust here. Everyone is in it for themselves and just be thankful that the boat isn’t sinking.

Then I read this about a letter sent by the CEO of Airbnb about keeping a company’s culture alive to sustain its future. If the company I work for is still making some money despite its appalling culture, is that such a bad thing?

Maybe I’m just in the wrong place, the wrong time but I have little faith here. Just like everyone else, I’m in it for me. I don’t trust in anyone doing the right thing and I’m just waiting for the right time to jump ship.

Unfortunately, that’s how I’m viewing this job. I’ve never really been a weekend-welcomer, someone who just can’t wait until Friday but that’s pretty much what I’ve become. I’m not pleased about it but my day brightens when I get home. It stays that way until the next day and so the cycle goes.

If my GM were to ask me if the work was satisfying, I would find it difficult to say the truth. Yes, it’s a job. Yes, it pays. That’s why I’m here. Just a body who can do the work but not really loving it. I can’t find any value in it for my future but I have to persist because of the money. That is just a terrible state to be in – doing the job just for cash. I’ve never been that way and faking a positive attitude and mercenary perspective just grinds at my conscience.

Knowing this, I’ve already started looking and thankful that a couple of recruiters have actually called back. This is a positive. Working and trying to find a more suitable job is a great place to be. I’m grateful for having this job but it really isn’t for me. I’m torn between thankfulness for the chance and the pain of having to be in an environment that I find no joy in.

I can only try and be positive and not disparage the firm and its people. I just need to find something else for my own happiness.

My current job has no real description. The work is mostly to do with numbers: how they can be made a better shade of black and how they can be re-engineered into a pretty graph or poignant table in a presentation. I know I’m good at this. My problem is that I’ve been doing it for a few years and I really don’t know where it’s going to take me. I’ve been cast into a familiar groove (“the numbers guy”) by the powers that be and it is making me bitter.

I guess it all started when I was able to convince my superiors that I needed a job with more adventure; looking at uncharted areas and pioneer a new view for the company. I guess I could talk about these dreams better than I could practically make them come to life.

So now, I’m stuck. I’ve been doing more or less the same work for three years (the last 12 months have been utter torture). I have learnt nothing new; my bosses don’t understand what I could potentially do (bad communication on my part) and they don’t know what they could give me to do — other than the numbers. So, still stuck.

The trap is that some skills are hard to find and when unearthed will be plumbed for all they’re worth. This is when the stone grows mossy. You get angry about the lack of progression and the monotony of it all, but the superiors don’t care. The job’s getting done. You’ve added nothing to your skills so it’s difficult to take those advancing steps. The blackness creeps in, you get despondent, work less hard and you settle into your rut.

I’ve had this cloud over me for too long. Sick of it all, I decided to take charge. I want a rewarding career and am sick of being a corporate nobody. By chance, I came across this . It has made a world of difference to my attitude. In the end, planning my escape begins with this positive frame of mind: I am responsible for my happiness at work.