Freezing People ‘Good For The Economy, Good For Democracy. Just Good All Round, Really’

Campaigners have won the right to have the body of an elderly man cryogenically frozen with the aim of ‘restoring him to life many, many years in the future. Probably. If we get around to it.’

The campaigners – who go by the collective name of ‘the parliamentary Labour party’ – have petitioned to be allowed to freeze their leader, Jeremy Corbyn MP, as a matter of urgency.

‘It is absolutely essential we get Jeremy on ice as soon as possible,’ said one MP who didn’t want to be named, ‘I mean, we’re not absolutely certain that he’s terminally ill per se, but there’s definitely something wrong with him. Something they’re bound to be able to cure in the future. Or not. Whatever…’

MPs have in the past petitioned unsuccessfully to have Mr Corbyn boiled in oil and flayed alive for his own good, but think they have a better chance in having him frozen ‘because ‘Cryogenic’ sounds more scientific than ‘whacked’, doesn’t it?’

Labour MPs use big sticks to ease Mr Corbyn into his new home

Supporters of the campaign say it isn’t even essential that Mr Corbyn is actually frozen solid, ‘just so long as he’s locked in an impregnable glass pod buried hundreds of feet beneath the surface of the earth thousands and thousands of miles away from here’.

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