When a catechism teacher supposedly asked her class why they should be quiet in church, a child replied, “Because people are sleeping.”

Many, young and old alike, may agree with the late comedian George Burns when he said, “The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, and to have the two as close together as possible.”

A joke tells of a boy whose eyes wandered during an especially long homily preached at Sunday Mass. Noticing the red sanctuary lamp by the tabernacle, he tugged his father’s sleeve and asked, “Daddy, when that light turns green can we go?”

Confusing an altar lamp with a traffic light isn’t really a far-fetched mistake. I sometimes notice a few fellow worshipers mistaking the distribution of the Eucharistic bread as a signal to race to the parking lot and start their engines. Precious indeed must be the minutes they squeeze free...