Thursday, May 27, 2010

Lately, I seem to have the unfortunate knack to run into men who're 'interested' in me. And by interested I mean we've never met, I don't know them, they don't know me, they've probably not even seen my face just my back and boom they like me. Woe is me. They say they want to take me out to dinner, for coffee, drinks and even to church. Really church? because I'm having doubts God would approve.

I want to ask all my female readers, has any of you ever had to tell the marriage fib to get out of a man pursuing you? marriage fib here meaning that you're single, and by single you could or could not be in a relationship but definitely not married. So there's this guy showing some interest and to shut him down and/or the only way to get out of it is saying you're married and even then your been married is not enough because men nowadays cannot take a no for a no and despite telling them you're married gets them more interested? I mean someone please tell what in the world is going on? One even had the nerve to tell me I didn't have a married woman's voice. Pardon my ignorance but how exactly do married women talk?

The other had the nerve to want to hang out with my significant other and I to prove the fact that I am indeed 'taken'? the other the nerve to offer me a warm can of natural light beer he pulled out of a black plastic bag. I mean really? what happened to men respecting the fact that a woman is taken and/or not interested and taking that as a hint to back off? have days evolved that much? are men not men enough to take no for an answer? does it have anything to do with those who have preceded us? might they have said no and meant yes thus giving men the idea that when we say no in reality we mean yes ? or is chivalry indeed dead?

I'd want to say it's not dead based on personal judgement e.g. the other day I'm cruising the parking lot where all spots were taken and this guy was loading up his car and had a few more trips to make between the car and his apartment. And when he noticed my futile attempts to find a spot he offered to move his car to a 20 minute spot and gave me his spot. I mean if that is not a perfect example of a gentlemen I don't know what is. A sign that chivalry just might not be dead. Not all the way, at least not for me. Yet I know such incidences are far and in between. Still better half a loaf than not?

Sunday, May 02, 2010

Just a quick update to let everyone know I had the lump checked out. It has been a very scary time for my loved ones and me. I did gather some strength and went in with my best person. When we went for the first appointment the doctor who checked it literally freaked out and wrote me an ultrasound STAT order. Of course her freaking out freaked me out even more. So I immediately scheduled an appointment and went in. And the radiologist who read the results freaked out and broke HIPPA by letting me know on the phone that it "looked bad" and the oncology team was considering a mammogram. Unless, one has a history of breast cancer, mammograms are not recommended at 25. The other thing is that whichever doctor I went to see, or/and radiologist kept asking my age and shaking their head in utter disbelief at how and why this could be happening at my age. One doctor informed me cases such as mine didn't occur often. However, she had diagnosed a 25y.o. with breast cancer before. This only made me more miserable and very scared for my life. The ultrasound results came back indicating not one lump, but two. Uhm excuse me? And not just a mere lump but one they called a complicated cyst and the other a complex mass. And sans to say my life came to a sudden halt, I didn't eat, I couldn't construct a sentence without choking up. Mentally, I started to 'put things in order' just in case this was it. Not much to put in order though for the lack of an estate at the mere age of 25, but hey if shoes could actually make up an estate then I just might have had quite a bit to do :)

The surprising thing? I did not once think "why me?" (well, not literally) instead I thought why not me, why someone else. I told myself, if my going through this meant saving someone else from going through it then let it be. But then I thought hey I was just 25 and barely starting to live life, that condo I wanted, those ManoloBlahniks, and that dress, omg that dress and the vacayc'mmon really God at 25? couldn't God have waited. Then, I started to question. How did God decide who go it and who didn't and what he went off of? did it matter what you had already gone through in life? in terms of struggles or/and even accomplishments? because if He had first checked with me (lol) then I think I've been through quite a bit, struggle wise, which should be enough for a lifetime and I'm just starting to meet my goals in life accomplishment-wise so shouldn't I at least stick around and enjoy the labor of my hard work?. I felt anything and everything there was to feel. Literally, went through the emotional rollercoaster, fyi it's very bumpy, don't try it :)

Going by the ultrasound results, the doctor explained, to make an official diagnosis I needed to undergo a core biopsy with a needle guided biopsy. So my best person and I got to it, we scheduled it and went in, holding our breathes, praying and hoping for the best. We go in and the technologist says my best person cannot come to the procedure room and my heart stops. How can he not? I couldn't possibly do this alone. Even if I couldn't see his face, I wanted to know he was in the room with me and I'd feel his presence. I waited for the doctor and asked his 'permission' and he said yes and sent the technologist to get him :) and I immediately relaxed. I couldn't believe it, I didn't believe it was going to be ok and so I needed one of the people in my life who did to be there and believe for me.

The doctor went in and started with the needle guided aspiration on the complicated cyst. I was positioned in a way that I could look at the screen and see the cyst and mass and watch as the needle went in. So I watch as the doc pokes the complicated cyst and it disappears. Oh glory. Sigh. And then he said before he could perform the core biopsy he needed to poke the mass to ensure it also wasn't a cyst. And what do you know he poked it and it disappeared too.

What do you know? both lesions were cysts. I've a big ol' ugly scar on my right tata but that's nothing to pay or even compare to the monster diagnosis. So yes I took my aspiration scar that sometimes hurts as hell and ran for dear life. It was a sign for me to start anew in life, to live right, to love without holding back, to kiss with my eyes closed, to feng shui anything that was holding me back in my life, to try harder and a little more everyday. I'm trying :)

Thank you, dear readers, for wishing me well. Thinking me happy thoughts, and 'holding' my hand through it all.Last BUT not in way LEAST, please, my female readers do your monthly SBE and to my male readers encourage your loveds one to do them. Early detection saves lives!!!