Many Americans complain that in this election, the only options available to them is either Clinton or Trump (or, as most voters put it, “voting against Trump” and “voting against Clinton”, respectively). However, you do have other options: in fact, over a thousand people have filed official paperwork as candidates in the 2016 presidential election. Here are 10 of these alternatives. (All the candidates listed below are actual candidates running for president in 2016, and some will even appear on the election ballots.)

3) Kevin Deame, Pirate Party: Vote for strong navy, return to the gold standard, no taxes, and no government regulations! Or just vote for the Republicans, their program is pretty much the same.

4)Mike Fahl, Cherry Picker Party: You can vote for any part of their agenda you like.

5)Caesar St. Augustine DeBuonaparte, Absolute Dictator: In case you actually do want an absolute dictator running the country, just want someone other than Donald Trump.

6) Bradford Lyttle, US Pacifist Party: They guarantee there would be no more wars, but on the other hand, you can be sure that the Pacifist Party wouldn’t be fighting for the middle class, lower taxes, or environment either.

7)Darrell Trigg, Christian Party: Jesus was supposed to be on the ticket, but there seems to be some problem with his birth certificate.

8)Rod Silva, Nutrition Party: You will get chicken in every pot, burger in every bun, and tofu in every vegetarian! Proteins of the world, unite!

10)Todd Clayton Jr., Chivalry Party: They will graciously let Hillary Clinton or Jill Stein have all of their votes.

Finally, if you’re still not happy even with the expanded list of candidates, you could move to Florida and vote for any candidate – as 2000 election showed, Florida’s voting machines will assign your vote to a randomly picked candidate, and therefore will absolve you of any responsibility in electing Clinton or Trump. Or you can just move to Canada and not vote in the election at all: since either Clinton or Trump are guaranteed to win and therefore trigger a flood of Americans leaving the country, it’s better to move now, before all the best places are taken.

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About List of X

An Ostensibly Funny Commentary* of the Recent News and Events.
(* warning! may not actually be funny or a commentary. Also, since I am not quite sure what "ostensibly" means, it might not be "ostensibly" either.)
Blogging at listofx.com

I’m not surprised that Johnson was stumped by the question which world leader he admires – there’s like 200 world leaders and every single one of them is neither Clinton nor Trump.
Yes, you can vote for the Tom Hanks/Meg Ryan ticket, too.

In defense of the Second Coming, they have been smart to not rush this sequel into production. They are really listening to fans so as not to make the mistakes Satan makes each time he comes back. First rule of Second Coming: Don’t steal the body of a little girl. Take notes, Jesus.

Well, from what I hear about the script, the production would require some serious special effects, thousands of people involved, and locations all around the globe, so it may just be the problem finding the money for the budget.

Here in the UK we have a long tradition of voting for ‘other’ candidates – the Monster Raving Loony Party being the most well known ‘alternative’. Over the years they have put forward policy proposal like:

‘Every politician should have to be painted the colour of their party to make it easier to tell them apart.

‘We pledge to reduce class sizes by making the pupils sit closer to one another and issuing them with smaller desks.’

‘Half the grey squirrel population will be painted red in order to increase the red squirrel population while Fox hunting will be re introduced under the ”one fox – one dog” policy to make it a bit fairer.’

I started watching a documentary last night called “10 Questions for the Dalai Lama.” In order to explain to us ‘Mericans how natives view His Lamawesomeness, they said, “Imagine if you believed the person sitting in the White House was Jesus reincarnated.”

I think certain candidates this year DO think they’re Jesus reincarnated.

7 was just hilarious… wouldn’t that be the ultimate birther controversy…

hey what about the Trent Lewin option? I know the bloke’s Canadian and all, and some people would consider this to be somewhat of the nuclear option, but I have great hair and very interesting socks. Surely that qualifies me for something!

I love this. I’m saying the same thing. If you don’t want Hillary, fine, go vote for a third party (because cough she’ll probably still get elected) but also because it is a right that roughly 50 percent of our country don’t bother with because what do millions of votes accomplish anyway?

I think Canada is going to build a wall to prevent us from going over there.

Unfortunately, a certain number of people who plan on voting for a third party candidate only because said candidate is not a Republican or Democrat, not because they really know what that candidate stands for. Take Gary Johnson: he ran in 2012 and got 1%. He is polling at 7-10% now, which means almost all of his prospective voters did not like him back in 2012 but suddenly like him now – and he’s a libertarian, so it’s not like his platform has changed. All that has changed is the major candidates. In other words, most of those who will vote for him will vote for him not because they know him and like him, but because they don’t like either Clinton or Trump.

It’s not that I don’t trust Jesus but why would his parents take a rigorous trip in the ninth month of pregnancy? It all sounds suspicious. Not only am I going to need to see a birth certificate but I’d also like police to take a statement from those stable animals.

And I am sure they got the birth certificate to state his birthplace as “Bethlehem, PA”, rather than the full “Bethlehem, Palestine”.
By the way, there were human witnesses – the three wiseguys, who are probably in the police records anyway.

Really? I would think that if there is at least one politician almost all would agree shouldn’t be president, it would be Hitler. Of course, if he had never been the leader of Germany (and neither WWII nor the Holocaust had happened), he’d probably had a decent shot of winning the 2016 election, judging by Trump’s results.

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