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Wednesday, November 16, 2011

I'm a geek. Geeks, traditionally, suffer from an extreme lack of fashion sense. So what am I supposed to say about fashion?

Whatever I want to. Just because I'm a card-carrying Geek (President and co-founder of GAEK--"Geeks And Enthusiastic Kindred") doesn't mean I'm always wrong... just "unconventional." I like to think of myself as "eccentric" ... it sure beats the hell out of "nut-butter crazy."

So what's new in fashion? Well, to really know what's "new" we have to know what's old.

We've gone from wearing animals to wearing cotton and synthetic fabrics... not sure how. (I'm not a fashion historian.)

How did we DO that?

﻿ Then, apparently, some of us (one of us) decided to devolve, and went back to wearing animals...﻿

But this time... their Flesh!

Okay, in all honesty, can we really call Lady Gaga "one of us"?﻿ I mean--don't get me wrong--I love her music and her eccentricities, but she's kind of... a freak? Is that appropriate? o.O

I don't know... but somehow when she went back to animals she forgot that we ONLY WEAR THE SKIN!

It reminds me of that Far Side cartoon by Gary Larson in which a caveman is advertising his new invention to his carcass-clad brethren by telling them (something like) "with this new knife you only have to wear the SKIN of that animal!"

I couldn't find the comic... otherwise I'd post it... or at least quote it correctly. But you get the idea, don't you?

Well too bad! >:OWe're moving on. -_-

Let me introduce you to my alter ego: Ralphe le Fashion le Man! *("Ralphe" is pronounced just like "Rafe" but spelled much more fashion-ishly.)﻿

~Both in Doodle and in Photo~

You can tell by my purple shirt, red bow tie, suspenders, slacks and white socks with black sneakers (the last two of which you can't see in this picture) that I AM the greatest fashion expert on this side of the Nile.﻿.. or the Rockies... whichever.

As the Doctor says, "bow ties are cool."

(You know you're right when you get your fashion lines from a sci-fi show.)

Where was I?

Oh, yeah... I was going to disregard not being a fashion historian and tell you about the history of fashion.

Well... in the beginning we were all red-faced and nudists.

Soon, however, the social burden of always standing behind an appropriately placed plant became too much, and someone invented portable plants.

Then (finally!) someone had the great idea of slaughtering animals to clothe ourselves. ﻿

PETA was still a long way off...

And that's where we're skipping ahead a few thousand years to get past all the freaky weird fashions of Revolutionary France and stuff et cetera.

On the SDA Facebook page I asked my followers to give me pictures of "outrageous fashion." As usual, only Satchel responded.

:\

The rest of you have failed me. You deserve to be disciplined!

"I should discipline you! Five times a day! With bricks! Uh-huh... in a pillowcase." -_-

^You get bonus points if you know what I'm quasi-quoting there. ;)

Anyway... let's take a look at some of Satchel's photographs.

...okay let's just look at ONE of Satchel's photographs:

"I'm the law around these parts..."

This picture is Satchel and her husband, Sheriff Woody. This IS how they dress everyday!

...I wish...

Wouldn't it be fun if more people forsook modern fashion, and took a trip to the waybackwhen when we all wore DIFFERENT fashions?

Don't worry... I don't mean anything crazy like the 80's or anything! Just like... 1864...

Okay, so that's just my fantasy.

Whatever.

Let's ask ourselves a question now: What makes fashion good? What makes fashion bad? What makes fashion fashionable and what makes the unfashionable unfashioned? Are there unfashionistas out there to let us know? (Do we just call them "geeks"?) Are you an unfashionista? Or a fascist? A fattist? (someone who is prejudiced and discriminates based on body fat ratios...)

﻿

Fattism at work... :(

﻿ All right... I'm just going to admit it. I really don't have anything to say about fashion.

:\

You should still hang on my every word though... because that's FUN!

...or so I hear...

Whatever. You can all blame Indiana for this travesty of a post... she made me do it about fashion. :('

Oh well...

Ciao for now.

And Happy Birthday to Doctor Who--quite possibly the greatest fashion icon of... somewhere... somewhen... who knows... (DW was first aired on November 23rd, 1963... it is 48 years old today.)

Monday, November 14, 2011

We quit home about 3:00 in the afternoon, and arrived in Aurora, CO. about 11:00-ish. Of course we entered a new time zone and gained an hour, so the trip was actually about eight hours long.
Anywho... so I'm in Aurora.

Is this a "yay" situation?

Sort of... ish.

I am going to spend the next two weeks in the boring confines of a hospital room, but (on the bright side) I should come out the other end feeling less like a dead man in a sand pile.

Interesting note: I discovered today that the same company that supplies toilet-paper holders to icky-ish gas stations also supplies rubber gloves to nice health clinics. o.O Does this inspire confidence in you?

It does me. -_-

Who better to trust with health than TP people?

Besides the NAZIs, of course.

﻿﻿

Sanitary NAZIs

﻿﻿ Luckily the glove-wearing people I have to deal with aren't NAZIs. No one likes NAZI doctors... I am part Jewish, ya know.

I have promised Indiana, or The Ingenue at Oddbits and Grimcracks that I would do a post about Fashion sometime in the next two weeks. So look forward to that.

What she posted was "thanksgiving and birthdays on the 24 of nov. 1982" [sic].

After a day or two NO ONE ELSE wanted me to blog about anything. :( Obviously my other fans hate me. However, I'm willing to do this blog dedicated to the ideas of Satchel, because I'm lobbying her to name her next child Pavel... even if it's a girl. :D

So, first, we will delve into Thanksgiving.It's a day for giving thanks.

Nuff said?

Now for birthdays on November 24, 1982... >:)

A little bit of math (2011-1982=29) shows us that any person or persons with this birthday is about to become AO. Which, as everyone knows, is "Almost Old."

You see... ages work like this:0-1 Baby2-4 Toddler5-12 Kid13-19 Teenager (aka mentally imbalanced individual)20 Limbo21-25 Young Adult26-29 Adult30-45 Old46-65 "Middle aged"66-79 Young at Heart80-89 Old (again)90-99 Very Old100+ Ancient Relic of the Dinosaurs...

Anyone born on November 24th of 1982 is approaching their last year of "Adult," and is almost Old! Shortly (very shortly) we'll have to drum said person out of the ranks of the youthful. :\ Unless he or she is a celebrity. Somehow they can stay young for decades...

Go figure.

Now, if we do some assuming, we should assume that Satchel wanted us to blog about birthdays on November 24th of 1982 because HER birthday is on November 24th of 1982.

I can see the tabloids now:

SATCHEL TURNS ALMOST OLD! REGRETS NOT NAMING CHILD "PAVEL"!

Obviously we have to prevent this from happening.

We have a few options:1) Make Satchel into a celebrity (this can buy her a few more years).2) Kill her before her birthday (sadly, not a legal option).3) Get her to sign a contract legally naming her child (be it male or female) Pavel.4) All of the above.

Personally, I'm a fan of #1... sadly, the most celebratory thing she's done is give me minions. :\ Not many people gonna buy her CD for that.

Her brothers, dad, and husband are big and scary, so killing her is basically off the table.

Number 4 is just stupid.

That leaves us only one option.

Satchel, if you're reading this, NAME YOUR CHILDPAVEL! Or Melville... I like Melville too...

About Me

My name is Raphael John Biltz, but I usually go by "Rafe."
I have an Associate's Degree in creative writing (I'm working on a BGS in film and media with a minor in English) and my passion is in stories and language.
I fancy myself a humorist, and attempt to share some of that humor on my blogs. I also have a great interest in the welfare of the world and occaisionally blog about my political and religious views.