Real advice from real people

“An old flame blew me off, now he’s back in my life”

When I was younger I had a relationship with someone who I was pretty deeply into. While I know it was never anything extremely serious at the time, I held out hope that it would turn into something more.

Back then I worked at a bar and my friend, we’ll call him Manny, came in one night to hang out while I worked, so I started a tab for him so he could have a couple drinks and chill. I came by to check on Manny after a while and he mentioned that he was getting tired and was thinking about heading home in a bit. I offered to come by when I got off of work and he assured me that he would probably be asleep by then so it might not be a good idea, and then he got up, excused himself and went to the restroom. While he went to answer nature’s call, I went to settle the tab and my friend behind the bar was adamant that I was NOT paying for the tab. Seems that Manny had been having a fabulous conversation with another young lady at the bar, and buying her cocktails on the same tab I had opened. I went ahead and covered the cost of the tab and a tip for the bartender without making a scene or calling Manny out. Shortly thereafter, Manny left the bar and I didn’t hear from him for over a week, until I called him to see what was up with him. At that point I worked into the conversation a simple question.. “What’s her name?” to which I received a very surprised and taken aback, “HUH?” At that point Manny came clean and told me the girl/woman’s name and proceeded to tell me that they had been getting closer over the days he and I hadn’t been speaking. I gracefully said what I thought would be goodbye and thought I was closing that chapter in my life with Manny.

In the months that followed they got involved deeper and she became pregnant, eventually having his child. I met someone soon after who became my husband and who I have built a life with.

However, several years after I had been married, Manny popped up in my life again, thanks to the wonders of social media. Suddenly the feelings I thought I had long forgotten came flooding back. We have never fully reconnected, mainly because now we live in two different states, which in part I am thankful for. I wouldn’t want to even consider doing anything to jeopardize my marriage, which is in all fairness a good one. I do love my husband and the family we have created, but when I think about Manny for whatever reason it is.. an old song comes on, a favorite movie flashes on the TV screen while flipping channels, or I catch the scent of someone wearing his cologne, I can’t help but think of him with a certain degree of longing and heartache.

I got the chance to ask Manny when we reconnected, why he had done what he did, and his words were “Because I was young and stupid and didn’t appreciate what I had.” I’d like to be friends and stay in touch but don’t know if that would be a good idea or not. Anyone have any advice that would help?? I’d appreciate it!