Perhaps you have been pondering the meaning of the new traditional greeting, Happy Monkey! (important usage note: it is not Merry Monkey, nor is it Happy Monkey Day. It is simply “Happy Monkey”, full stop. Trying to change the phrase means you are waging war on the Monkey, and you know how they will respond.) I haven’t. I’ve been bogged down in the end-of-semester grind for the last week, writing tests, giving tests, grading tests, and there has been little room in my brain for deep philosophical thought.

But then, just a few minutes ago, I reached an end. The exams and papers were all marked and graded, and I filled out the forms and submitted them to the registrar. And I had an epiphany. Happy Monkey is not a day, not a greeting card, not just a phrase. Happy Monkey doesn’t come from a store. Maybe Happy Monkey…perhaps…means a little bit more. And what happened then…? Well, my small Monkey grew three sizes that day!

Happy Monkey is any moment that you feel the burdens lifted, that you feel a lightening of the mood, that you feel puckish and prankish and like kicking your heels. Happy Monkey can strike any time, any day!

So Happy Monkey, everyone! And may you have many Happy Monkeys in days to come!

HAPPY MUNKEY!
(oh noes – i have perverted the true sense of the SPIRIT of HM!)
– groan up late making barbados rum punch for office party – should be messy! –
Thanks PZ for all your hard blogging the past year(s?) May your monkey experience infinite happiness..

at work another group had claimed something contradictory to my team’s data and we were feeling heat for it. not only did we corroborate our results today, but the other group has reduced their claim so that their data agrees with ours.

Apologies for my blasphemy earlier. I have been duly chastised and will only use the correct and proper Happy Monkey from now on. Please forgive me.

Happy Monkey to all and to all a good night.

On a very wobbly tanget has anyone else gotten the link to God is for suckers to open? I am beginning to wonder if I have fallen hook, line, and sinker for God’s awsome nothingness by some HTML-fu that creates a page that doesn’t load. Should I laugh an uncomfortable laugh and hide my head in shame or should I continue to wait? I am going to go with my gut and continue to wait. Just in case.

Myers, your reputation does proceed you. You certainly are another example of why our kids are in such poor shape after leaving one of these lower levels of education. Keep up the poor work. Do they really pay you?!

After a brief dip into the pool of moronity that is the collection of comments by Fly in the Ointment (they do love to give themselves self-important handles, don’t they?), my heart swelled to see a post titled ‘Happy Monkey’.

Robert @14:
Did those words just fall out of your computer in that order or are you drunk? I wouldn’t want to imply that you are a US citizen or that you aren’t taking a vacation day today but on the East coast it’s barely 4:30pm – that’s a little early to be drunk-posting online.

Everyone at work got a happy monkey after i read the phrase in you blog on your recieved emails, they all think i’m mental now, was think of making up some cards for tomorrow, give one to everyone who gives me an Xmas card

after a quick whois, it turns out that oktosaymonkeytome.com is available. I don’t currently have the scratch to register it and put up a site on it, but if someone could figure out who oktosaychristmastome.com (see a previous entry that I’m too lazy to search for) uses to print their buttons and sets up a similar site, I’d be proud to be one of your first customers

Damn Sigmund beat me to it… However I think more of the quote is needed:

“In the worlds before Monkey, primal chaos reigned. Heaven sought order. But the phoenix can fly only when its feathers are grown. The four worlds formed again and yet again, as endless aeons wheeled and passed. Time and … the moisture of the Earth, the powers of the Sun and the Moon all worked upon a certain rock, old as creation. And it became … fertile. That first egg was named “Thought”. Tathagata Buddha, the Father Buddha, said, “With our thoughts, we make the World”. Elemental forces caused the egg to hatch. From it then came a … monkey. The nature of Monkey was irrepressible!”

Some of the more religious sounding parts removed (replaced with elipses). I think this actually works well – Not only is Mokey irrepressible, s/he is birthed from Thought

P.S: The rock becoming fertile is partially figurative – one may be able to link it to abiogensis somehow

Seems as though one of the lost (may be a monkey but not sure) has used my name without permission. I would never use that kind of language myself. I will not let it bring me down though. This is way to much fun playing with you critters.

Robert, I fucked off last night, the night before that, and the night before that. My wife is sore and said we should take a break for a day or two. Mind if I borrow yours? I know your wife won’t mind.

You, my good sir, are little more than a troll without an imagination. Would you care to prove otherwise?

Seems as though one of the lost (may be a monkey but not sure) has used my name without permission. I would never use that kind of language myself. I will not let it bring me down though. This is way to much fun playing with you critters.

Playing? You’ve done nothing but show your ass. Make a coherent argument about something bobby, then we’ll really play.

No Happy Monkey for me…much grading still to be done and another final exam to give tomorrow morning (weather permitting). Plus my arms are sore from 3 vaccinations this morning (2 in the left, one in the right). Also not enough sleep recently, nor beer. Maybe Happy Monkey Monday.

Robert has staggered upon the ineluctable truth that when students are taught anything he a) doesn’t understand, b) doesn’t know or (FSM help us) c) doesn’t LIKE, it is a very very very very Bad Thing and it is time to drag phrases like “Godless Commie” out of the closet and dust them off and lazily, thoughtlessly vomit them forth over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over.

And where o where is the Digital Cuttlefish now that we need him most! PZ, I’m sorry but your sense of rhythm is either extremely advanced or nonexistent. I want to hear the rest of that formerly-Geisel poem in its new monkified form!

Well, it’s certainly not nearly as useful or interesting as spending all day on a site (that’s the word you were looking for, Bobby) criticising everyone else for spending all day on the same site, but it passes the time.

Do you have a point to your comments Bobby? How about instead of spewing insults, which you really aren’t very good at anyway, and make an argument and then defend it.

Yeah, but that requires two things Mouse Robert doesn’t have – 1) an argument, 2) the cojones to present it to his intellectual betters. Heck, he’s not even clever or creative with his insults; we can’t expect him to actually come up with a valid point of any kind.

The cats are getting bored, Mouse Robert. You’re just lying there and taking it.

WRMartin, it’s no secret this site is not going to offer up any “coherent arguments.” It’s just that you all are, like, right out of a cartoon. Remember Curious George, that’s how I picture you.

Bobby, you’re very tiresome. Quite acting like you just got home from 8th grade and start forming up an argument. Make a point that actually means something other than you thinking you’re flexing some internet muscle.

How about giving us an example of a coherent argument supporting something you agree with that you think we will not.

Or will you continue to hide behind your 8th grade insulting insecurities?

Gotta go guys. I feel all dirty now just playing with ya. You have fun with your furry little tools.

Colour me unsurprised.

Adieu, Mouse Robert – you cowardly, spineless, sack of shit. No doubt you’ll go tell your pissant co-religionists how you stood up to the atheists over on PZ’s blog, and they’ll all gape in wonder at your skill and boldness – well, until they come here to see for themselves and realise you’re a gutless wimp, who cowered and quivered and whimpered and squeaked out a handful of lacklustre attempts at insults before scuttling back to your hole, crapping yourself in fear.

Awwwwwwwwww. Poor bobby took his ball and went home, never having shown that he has the cognitive abilities past a little boy taunting the chained dog in his neighborhood, too scared to get on the other side of the fence.

This is a very nice blog full of very nice people all of whom are more intelligent and better educated than you so stop being mean. I can take a joke and it would be nice if you were to actually follow my example for a change instead of using me as a cover story for being an ignorant thug.

Now, if you’ll excuse me I have to go and have a stern chat with Mr Phelps, who seems to have an even worse grasp of what I was talking about than you.

Rev.BigDumbChimp,
8th grade? A wee bit generous even for Happy Monkey. Robert couldn’t hold a candle to an average 8th grader. They’d have him running crying to mommy after the first round of “I know you are but what am I?”

Brownian, OM,
Didn’t Robert earn a partial star today for his martyrdom at the hands of the evil, and dare I say it, liberal, Happy Monkey horde?

Meanwhile, back at the ranch:
Happy Monkey!

Damn, that just rolls off the tongue and brings a smile to my curiously monkey-fied face every time.

VERSE 1
Come, let us all unite to sing,
Happy Monkey.
Sing, those with brains for reasoning,
Happy Monkey.
Let every mind from faith awake,
Each on this Earth a paradise make,
And sing with us for Reason’s sake,
Happy Monkey!

VERSE 2
Come, let us learn how we evolved,
Happy Monkey.
The billions of years to make us all,
Happy Monkey.
Science confounds our superstition,
No gravid virgins nor resurrection,
Life’s here and now, there is no heaven,
Happy Monkey!

REPEAT CHORUS

VERSE 3
Come, let us praise our greatest minds,
Happy Monkey.
Darwin and Einstein and their kind,
Happy Monkey.
Now is the time to learn to think,
Or we will shortly be extinct,
Gods don’t exist,
There is a link,
Happy Monkey!

Festivus is a sacred (11 year old) American tradition. Its COMPLETELY ORIGINAL and DOES NOT borrow from Christian traditions which borrowed from pagan traditions !!1!uno!

you people have no repsect. Its not a “holiday pole’. Its not a “holiday dinner”. “happy monkey” was ordained by our profit Frank Costanza, blessings be upon him. festicus celebrates the rebirth of the doll the profit Frank wanted for his sacred child, George.

“Tennessee whiskey is not bourbon whiskey, as defined by Title 27 of the Code of Federal Regulations, Chapter 1, Part 5, Section 5.22″

But I’ll agree with you, Jameson is by far the best (I’m a little biased, it’s my first name)

I just picked up a bottle of Bookers…… I like Irish Whiskey but I guess it’s my Southern blood, I always go for Bourbon. Well, unless there some really good single Malt Whisky around. But I really want to get a hold of some of this.

You have to hand it to religious people for making up such wonderful things as happy monkey and Santa and then acting like us atheists contrived a controversy. A happy monkey to one and all!
Nevermind… just saw the news that Majel died

Oh, man, my SO and I have been using the constructions “happy monkey” and “happy rat” and “happy lizard” in reference to certain groups of satisfactions and/or contentments for about a year now. We stratify it by when our brains finally got around to recognizing something as being good; e.g., tasty fruits are a happy monkey thing, tickling is happy rat, a warm bed is happy lizard.

But to see a proto-version of this meme hit Pharyngula because an angry e-mail troll thought it up is just sublime.

(I can’t add a Youtube-friendly musical cue to those previously suggested, though I tried. I’m listening to the Lee Pui Ming Ensemble’s ‘Monkey King Charges the High Heavens’, but it looks like it’s not especially online anywhere. But take my word for it: it’s very appropriate.)

I have here a missive from Sun Wukong, the Handsome Monkey King and Great Sage Equal To Heaven. It appears His Ultimate Funkiness is much pleased by this, possibly even more than he was when Jet Li played him in a recent film.

A real interesting Whiskey being made out in Colorado is Stranahans Colorado Whiskey. They are sort of connected with Flying Dog Brewery and their whiskey is fantastic. It’s like a cross between Bourbon and Scotch. They have a unique distilling process. I highly recommend it as something different. A change of pace perhaps.

You’re quite welcome! Since fetching my Cub from this place called China, I’ve been reading Journey to the West. In the process, I’ve become a bit of a fan of ol’ Sun Wukong. He’s a bit like Miles Kendig–you can’t help but like the guy. Or maybe Bugs Bunny.

(I’m more fond of Discworld’s Librarian, but His Handsomeness gets better lines.)

Littlejohn said: “Um, what country are we in? You can’t defend bad spelling by pointing out that a word is spelled differently in another country.”

Hey Littlejohn, PZ is in the US, but don’t assume everyone else who reads his blog is. Let’s ask him for a break down of hits by country–I think you’d be surprised how many non-Americans follow Pharyngula. I get a lot of American students at my university–in the past I’ve let them away with what is, in my country, bad spelling. Using your criteria I’d better start deducting marks–you’ve coloured my judgement on this one:)
Happy Monkey!

The language is called English. In England it is spelled “judgement”. The fact that your country cannot apparently deal with correct English spelling should not be to the detriment of the rest of the world.

Oh, and by the way, colour has a “u”, and theatre does not end “ter”. And before you start saying that American English is phonetic, one word; “Arkansis”.

Yes, VIRGINIA, there is a Happy Monkey. He exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy. Alas! how dreary would be the world if there were no Happy Monkey. It would be as dreary as if there were no VIRGINS. There would be no childlike faith then, no poetry, no romance to make tolerable this existence. We should have no enjoyment, except in sense and sight. The eternal light with which childhood fills the world would be extinguished.

WRMartin are you judging me? How intolerant of you. I do hope you all have a Christ filled Christmas.
-Robert, it ceased being cute when right wingers criticised liberals of being ‘intolerant’ sometime around 1992. Pull your head out of your ass and look at a calendar, you shithead.

I do hope you have a polyp-filled colon, douchebag.
Now how’s that for intolerance, fuckface?

Good on ya, Brownian!
Have already had one ‘blowing-my-lid-off’ incident with a sanctimonious bunch of Norwegian Israel-lovers who got upset because some Palestinians in Bethlehem collected broken glass from bottles and other after Israeli attacks, made glass angels from the debris, and sold them to make a bit of money.
That was supposedly very antisemitic.
The fun part was that the ones selling the glass angels in Norway, and being accused of being antisemitic, is a group called KKV, loosely translated to ‘the church’s cultural workshop’.

I have no doubt the chief censor has banned your book littlejohn. Every petty bureaucrat needs something to do to keep them on the government payroll. We can be largely secular, legalise prostitution, criminalise parental violence and then elect a right wing, global-warming denying, lock-em-all-up, fundy-retard government. You get rid of Bush–we get Bush writ small. I’d apologize about your banning–but as you say, what’s the point. At least you’re in good company–at one time or another our gate keepers have banned most of the world’s great literature. Thankfully our prime minister is happy to say publicly he doesn’t believe in god. We exist on such small mercies.

Happy monkey, happy monkey on the dusty road
Got to keep on plodding onwards with your precious load
Been a long time, happy monkey, through the winters night
Dont give up now, happy monkey,
Galapagos in sight

Happy monkey, happy monkey, had a heavy day
Happy monkey, carry Darwin safely on his way
Happy monkey, happy monkey, journey’s end is near
There are monkies waiting for a sign to bring them here

Do not falter happy monkey, there’s a star above
It will guide you, happy monkey, to some islands with a very rich local fauna that will help you formulate a theory to explain the apparent miraculous design of life and overturn the stranglehold of millennia of superstitious nonsense.

The Monkey rules! We must all pay hommage to The Monkey. The Monkey will lead us into the light and save us from evil. We should thank the christian zealot who revealed the real Truth to us: not God, but The Monkey is the way! He’s probably kicking himself now, the idiot.

you can keep your Happy Monkey, I’m Happy Ape All Over:
You say that you love me (say you love me)
All of the time (all of the time)
You say that you need me (say you need me)
You’ll always be mine (always be mine)

I’m feelin’ ape all over
Yes I’m-a ape all over
Baby I’m ape all over
So glad you’re mine

I just found out that despite the terrible snowstorm that ruined my morning, I’m off work until the new year after today. Happy Monkey to me!

After all, in Canada, ham is spelled “bacon.”

Huwha? Is this like the Canada on Earth2 or something? The Canada I live in has perfectly serviceable ham; I just made jambalaya with the remains of one last night. If by some bizarre off chance you’re referring to the vaguely ham-like quality of back bacon, may I remind you that ham comes from the upper hind leg of a pig, and back bacon comes from, well, the back of the pig (as opposed to the normal side bacon, which comes from the rib area). Do you confuse chicken breasts and thighs too?

And to think I’ve been doing ‘Monkey Panic’ for years (has to be seen to be believed). I will now add ‘Happy Monkey’ to my limited reptile brain response repertoire. Thank you and a Happy Monkey to all!