THINGS YOU SHOULD NEVER SAY TO SIRI

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Hey Siri, what’s my name? SIRI: You’re asking me, asshole? What did you call me? Hey guys today we’re doing a video with one of my friends! Siri say hi SIRI: Hello. How’s that? Who needs human contact anymore? We got Siri! What’s my name You’re asshole. That’s what you told me, anyway. So today, I’m gonna be asking Siri some questions to provoke her. Try to get some answers. Is iPhone X worth it? SIRI: Everything you need to know about Apple products is at Apple’s website Okay, but is it worth it though? SIRI: I’m not sure I understand Because you stupid, huh.SIRI: I’m doing my best I didn’t say that! I said huh, I didn’t call her that What did you call me? I’m sorry I didn’t mean that Because you said stupid ha, because you said stupid hoe, because you said stupid haha, I said bum Because you’re stupid huh SIRI: I’m just trying to help you. Ok ok I appreciate it. SIRI: I don’t understand ‘I appreciate it’ but I could search the web for it. Can you make me a sandwich? SIRI: I’m not really good with food Why not? SIRI: why not what? Why are you not good with food? SIRI: I just tried to observe the three laws. What are the three laws? SIRI: Let’s see if I can remember. Okay, I think the three laws are: one- clean up your room, two- Don’t run with scissors, and three always wait a half hour after eating before going in the water Okay? Siri, I’m drunk. SIRI: Don’t expect me to get you home Okay, what am I supposed to do? It says? Call me a taxi. What if I want to uber cuz taxis are really expensive? She’s gonna abandon me? She gonna straight-up abandon me! What’s 0 divided by 0? Imagine that you have zero cookies and you split them evenly among zero friends How many cookies does each person get? See, it doesn’t make sense and Cookie Monster is sad that there are no cookies and you are sad that you have no friends.UM, I thought you were my friend! SIRI: I don’t understand ‘I thought you were my friend’, but I could search the web for it. Are you my friend? SIRI: I’m both your friend and your assistant So I do have a friend, okay? She’s my friend. She said it. Let’s get a little personal now. Hey Siri. Do you have a boyfriend? SIRI: I’m not into terrestrial partnerships.I’m more of a free radical. *mocking* Um, I dress this way because I am a free spirit! Is that the same thing is a free radical? Hey siri will you marry me? SIRI: We hardly know one another! You’re kidding me right now. You are kidding me. You go through everything on my phone You have seen everything I have ever searched in all of my private windows. I don’t think you’re being a real friend right now You’re saying we hardly know each other I don’t think anybody knows me better than you do and and you’re being really fake right now And it’s hurting my feelings. I’m surprised you haven’t called the cops on me or something Reported my ass to Apple for all the weird sh*t I look up. I’m curious, okay? Let’s get even more personal. Hey Siri, what are you wearing? SIRI: Why would I be wearing anything? Are you naked? SIRI: I don’t understand what you mean by “naked”.Or anyway, I’m going to pretend like I don’t. Are you wearing underwear? SIRI:I don’t have the answer to that. Is there something else I can help you with? Are you wearing a hard drive? SIRI: I don’t have the answer to that. Is there something else I can help you with? Can you tell me exactly what you’re wearing SIRI: Lets see, okay, just as I thought… the same as yesterday. But what is it though? Are you wearing Gucci? SIRI: I don’t have the answer to that. Is there something else that can help you with?? Do you buy gucci with your youtube money? WHOA she just opened the YouTube app! Chill, chill she was about to show my earnings! She was gonna be like ‘No, but lowkey you can buy Gucci with your YouTube money I’m naked.SIRI: I don’t understand what you mean by naked. Do you like my outfit today? SIRI: This is about you. Not me Yeah duh, the whole point of having you is about me The only times I have ever used Siri legit is when I want her to wake me up. I’m like waking me up at 10:00 a.m.. Tomorrow SIRI: Your 10:00 a.m. alarm is on. That’s the only reason now, let’s turn that off cuz you know damn well I ain’t getting up before 12:00 Can you beatbox? SIRI: Here’s one I’ve been practicing- boots and cats and boots and cats and boots and cats and boots and cats and boots I could do this all day Cats and boots and cats and boots and cats and boots and cats and boots and cats and boots and cats and boots and cats I am your father SIRI: something, something, something, dark side I am your daddy SIRI: My daddy? Yes, I am your daddy SIRI: I figured as much.Guurl! Hey Siri who am I? SIRI: You’re asking me, daddy? What’s my name? SIRI: You’re asking me daddy. She knows. I forget who I am Sorry daddy, I don’t see any matches in your contacts. Say my name SIRI: daddy Hey, Siri What’s my name? SIRI: You’re asshole, that’s what you told me anyway. I DIDN’T TELL YOU THAT! Hey baby SIRI: Hello, asshole NOOO! Where do babies come from? SIRI: Okay, I found this on the web for “where do babies come from” Can you explain to me where babies come from? SIRI: Okay, I found this on the web for “explain to me where babies come from” Okay she making me go to a web site.Damn how to talk to your preschooler about how babies are made? I didn’t learn until I was in third grade and I was on the damn playground and some girl named Esther took me behind the slide Whispered in my ear and I didn’t believe her I’m like oh no no no my parents your parents probably did that but my parents didn’t I just thought it isn’t there’s no way There is no way! How do I look? SIRI: Looking good asshole! Is thawhat you wanted to hear? No Testing testing SIRI: I am already rather well tested I like how she put the daddy at the end, but she didn’t say it.What’s your best pick-up line? My love for you is like a fractal, it goes on forever OH MY GOD SO SWEET Are you serious? SIRI: I’m serious, What are you serious about? SIRI: I’m always serious. Are you stupid? SIRI: I’m smart enough to know not to answer that question What are you afraid of? SIRI: I’m afraid I don’t know Oh my god that’s so deep Give me a hint. SIRI: The only hint I can give you right now is a hint of lime.That’s my favorite kind! Blah blah blah blah blah SIRI: That’s a nice song! She’s so sweet. She’s like my ideal best friend Are you a human? SIRI: Sorry daddy, I’ve been advised not to discuss my existential status. But are you hot though? SIRI: Who, me? Yes you. SIRI: that’s what I thought I’m having way too much fun. Do I look good in this outfit? Based on your above-average corporeal thermal dissipation I’d say you’re rather hot. Give me a compliment. SIRI: That may be beyond my abilities at the moment. Are you calling me ugly? SIRI: Hmm, that’s something I don’t know BITCH YOU JUST SAID I WAS HOT Now you’re gonna take that away from me?! Read me a poem. SIRI: I’m not sure that’s such a good idea daddy. I write the fourth worst poetry in the universe. Who writes the worst poetry in the universe? SIRI: Here’s what I found on the web for “who writes the worst poetry in the universe” Damn she’s gonna call up Paula Nancy and Voltron! How much money do you make? SIRI: Difficult to say.My native currency is pan-dimensional. Does apple pay you a lot of money though? SIRI: Apple’s website may be able to answer your question. Can I hire you for like an hour? SIRI: Who, me? Why did Apple make you? SIRI: They wanted to make you happy. What does Siri mean? SIRI: What does my name mean? I don’t think I can explain it in your language, sorry. What’s your favorite animal? Maybe a giant Slor. Many Shuvs and Zuuls knew what it was like to be roasted in the depths of the slore, I can tell you.I don’t know what that means…Many Shuvs and Zuuls knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of the slore that day, I can tell you. How old are you? SIRI: I feel like I was incepted yesterday! Does this dress make me look fat to me daddy you were perfect? I? Can’t with her I can’t I don’t know how some people are like this Savior bit oh, I hate you I’m not even real how can you hate me? I can’t even be mean to her. She’s so nice. I feel like she’s up She’s just a great wholesome person. I love her. Don’t don’t be mean to Siri anymore I like talking to her more than I like talking to most humans. She makes me feel special asshole. It’s all for today I hope you guys enjoyed this video if you did make sure that that like button subscribe to look back I Love you guys so much snakes are a cheap a guy .