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Monday, 29 September 2008

September has been a weird month. It seems to have been a time of "full circle" closures or things coming to a head.

Amongst my friends and family there was one birth, one wedding and five marriage break-ups. One family member flew across the world to start a new life in Australia and a blogger friend is soon to go travelling home on holiday... safe journey Amel! :-) Two good friends recieved "all clear" news on their personal battles with cancer and another friend was diagnosed with cancer.

With the recession in the building industry here all connected industries are faltering as well. The factory where my dad works is cutting back hours of work and the construction company my husband works for is drastically downsizing. We still don't know if hubby will have a job at the end of this year. A good friend has already been told he won't be there in November. It's like holding your breath, only we've now been doing it since late August when the company warned staff that cuts were being made. No surprise we both feel a bit blue (pun intended) at this stage!

There's also been lots of emotional stuff surfacing with friends, families, and family of friends... It's been a very intense month.

ENTERTAINMENT

Hubby is still working weekends, and my dad works Saturdays, so we haven't gone anywhere or done anything as family fun since our holiday break in June/July. The only entertainment has been BunnyBoy, the eccentric and charming wild rabbit that owns our garden.

WISE WORDS

This one was "WORK", but I have changed it into my favourite quote for the month instead, with one important twist - they have to be words from a fellow blogger! My Wise Words choice for September:

Dare to venture beyond your present horizon and experience what is there.

I write a lot about my spiritual connections, but not often about my connection to God/Creator. Last time I can remember talking about that topic was here in Elephant Eyes. This month I have felt really... displaced (for want of a better word). I prayed for an answer, something solid and substantial, since when I'm stress vague really doesn't work for me!

Two days later I recieved an email with a photo in it that almost exactly matching a dream I had about five years ago. A photo of a girl and elephant resting their heads together. I can't publish it as it is copyrighted, but I can copy and paste the written message that went with the photo:

Have you got the habit of accumulating money, and not spending it because you think that in the future you may be in want of it?Have you got the habit to keep reproaches, resentment, sadness, fears and more?Don't do it! You are going against your prosperity!It's not the objects you keep that stagnate your life... but rather the attitude of keeping...When we keep in store, we consider the possibility of wanting..With that idea, you are sending two messages to your brain and to your life:That you don't trust tomorrow...and you think that the new and the better are not for you...

Message recieved loud and clear... thank you. :-)

FAMILY

Family has been following the pattern of clearing out or coming to a head. Nothing specific, just an overall theme. I think it's good, but it has been draining at times. One cousin finally left his wife, who has admittedly left him several times herself before now, to start a new life. Another cousin has just had his wife leave him. Three other family members stand on the brink of making some huge life-altering decisions. I pray they all make the right choices. Closer to home the ongoing family theme is health issues and work issues - it's been a tiring month.

LOVE

Amel was writing memories of when she first met her husband and they brought back lots of memories for me too. One of the memories she sparked off was the memory of the day we said goodbye at the airport. I'd been over in Scotland for a month and had to return, not knowing when we'd see each other again. It turned out to be six months, but at that time we really had no idea how long it would take to arange marrying and living together in one country. So it was a very intense goodbye... except there was no time to say goodbye!

We had arrived at the airport in time, but the baggage section had "issues" over my two bags - one was too light, one too heavy. I had to repack with everything balanced on the coffee shop table and my future husband dashing back and forth getting them re-weighed. By the time the baggage was accepted the last call had been made and we only had time for a quick hug and then I was in the queue to get on the plane.

The terribly hard part was the fact that the long queue snaked in a zigzag between ropes. So three times I had to walk towards the man I loved and walk past him, literally a foot away, without being able to touch. :-( It was one of the more horrible moments of my life. The flight back was bleak. I spent most of it crying in toilets. on planes, in airports...

ANXIETY

See News and Family. :-\

SMILESSmile of the month goes to a dear friend who gave me a sentence that both makes me giggle and feel good. When I was talking to her about all my worries and health woes she said, "Drop-kick them to Jesus!"

I jut love that image! :-D

HOMEHome is an ongoing issue. Some people thrive on continual moving, some don't. I'm one of the don'ts. Oh, don't get me wrong - I LOVE travelling. I could be up and out the door every single day, but at the end of my adventures I want a solid home base to return to. I'm a bear more than a swallow... no... I think I'm a tree. :-D That's what I actually dreamt last week. I dreamt a woman said to me "Wow - you're a tree! Teach me how you do that."

Yep, I'm a tree. I don't need roots, I have roots - I need ground. A place to grow.

Saturday, 20 September 2008

The rough guide is to list six unspectacular things about yourself. I can only think of three, so I'm going to wander off onto some unspectacular speculations. (try saying that three times fast!)

First thing I thought of was how when I was young I thought the word extraordinary meant something extra ordinary -something more ordinary than even everyday ordinary - spectacularly ordinary.

I suspect unspectacularness is a lot like extra-ordinary. It's those tiny little things that mean nothing until you stop and notice them.

It's the light you see in a person's eyes when their heart smiles at you. It's that something that makes an ordinary girl invisible in a crowd, except to the one man who loves her. It's the way every newborn baby looks like a blob to everyone except its parents. It's the whiskers on a rabbit, dandelion seeds in the wind and the ten million colours in a handful of sea sand.

Spectacularly ordinary.

So what are my few meagre claims to unspectacular fame?

1. I hate making icing (frosting). I like eating it, I don't really mind baking the cake, I just hate making icing and I hate putting it on the cake. It's messy, it never goes where I want it to and worst of all - it is STICKY. It sticks where I don't want it to stick - on me.

2. I am deeply unspectacular with clay. My pottery classes finished with an assignment to create something based on ancient art. Other students made clay gods, urns... I decided to make an oil lamp. When it was done our lecturer looked at it and said, "Why did you make a soup jug?" :-\

3. I sing really bad when I'm happy and really good when I'm sad. Sad just seems to deserve more respect and effort than happy, I guess.

This last one proves my theory that the miracle of unspectacularness lies in how the ordinary is noticed. At college I sang badly with a friend = our class mates left the room. In my first month of marriage I was caught singing badly by my new husband... who rolled about laughing in sheer delight at how incredibly cute I was.

Admittedly, after six years of hearing me, he sometimes get this slight look of pain when I'm singing my happy songs. Unspectacularness doesn't last forever. It's the beauty in a simple mundane moment. Its whole charm lies in the fact that it is fragile and fleeting... unlike my soup lamp that weighed a ton and was labelled a lethal weapon by my fellow students.

Thursday, 18 September 2008

Lately I'm learning a lot about rabbits from our little furry friend - the wild rabbit who owns the garden. I say "own" because he stamps his feet in anger if we are in the garden in an area he wants to go to. He's not brave (or mad) enough to try and chase us off, as he does sometimes chase small birds, but he does show his irritation when we're in HIS garden! Especially if we've ruined his snoozing time.

What really surprised me lately is realising that he has been watching us as much as we watch him. It started with the day my dad trimmed the hedge. Bun-boy was there on the grass (see top photo) lazing and seeming unimpressed as my dad trimmed and snipped away. My dad took away at least three wheelbarrow loads of hedge clippings.

The next day we saw Bunny pottering around the hedge, checking out dad's handiwork. We noticed he even nibbled a few stray hedge trimmings, but it was only after the blue flowers morning that I realised what was going on.

This spring I planted seeds that became the blue flowers in the photos below. They've been brilliant - full of flowers the whole summer, so last week I went out and collected as many dying flower heads as I could. I'm going to keep the seeds for next spring. At the time bunny was down by the hedge watching me, nibbling clover and looking bored.

BUT...

the next morning there was bunny, staring at the blue flowers...He stood up and stared at them...

Then he sniffed them...Then he pulled them down, one by one......and ate the blue flower heads!

Bunny is learning by watching! He's eating the plants he thinks we're eating. Dad went off with three barrows full of hedge, so he goes and nibbles the hedge regularly. Now I've taken blue flower heads he's nibbling them too!

I had no idea rabbits learnt through observation. It's funny and cute, but it has made me realise I'd better not trim anything poisonous while he's watching!

Saturday, 13 September 2008

In Spring I posted photos of the park in Forres. Last month we went back to see how it looked in Summer. To save everyone having to click back and forth I'm putting both the old Spring and new Summer photos here for comparison. :-)

Forres is a finalist in the Town Section of Britain ib Bloom. Last year they won Silver Gilt (2nd), but this year they are after gold! Here's hoping they get it, because they certainly deserve it for love, effort and dedication.

This first photo below is a case in point - this is part of the garden done by volunteer children from the Forres area.

Back to Spring - the beaver in the "water"...

...and the same Beaver in Summer.

The butterfly in Spring...

...and in Summer. Teddy bear with box in Spring... ...and in Summer.Finally, a view across the sunken gardens and ponds towards Forres Town centre. Unfortunately the fountains weren't on, as they were fixing the pumps that day. ...

Saturday, 6 September 2008

...The Mayan readings are proving to be very thought-provoking and I thought I might go into it a bit deeper, especially since Jean-Jacques has posed me some really interesting questions on the topic.

He said:

I get the idea that in fact our "destiny" is the combination of all of these 'aspects' of our 'selves' - all the 'shields' in our oracle. According to the readings:(my interpretation in brackets)

The only way I can think to answer those questions is to use myself as the "guinea pig". I came out as WHITE SOLAR WORLD-BRIDGER.

*The Middle Shield is your Conscious Self - who you are and who you are becoming. (Your "centre" - real/cosmic personality)

For me this is White World-Bridger. The portion that surrenders. So this would be my centre - surrendering. I've already done an entire blog post on that one so I'll jump to the others.

*The Left Shield is your Challenge .This is what you desire to learn in this lifetime. With maturity and awareness this challenge will turn into a Focus.("The dragons you have to slay in your lifetime" - J.)

So my dragons are those of self-doubt and not trusting my own inner voice. OUCH Very true! I question my psychic abilities constantly - checking and rechecking anything I get, constantly worrying that I might be "just imagining it". Even though I am far more confident lately I still am secretly blown away every time someone replies to any reading or message I give them that proves I told them a truth I could never have known.

*The Right Shield is your Compliment - something that comes naturally to you. (A prominent skill or talent you don't really think about, its just part of who you naturally are -J)

Mine is Red Skywalker. This one is doubly interesting to me as my husband's conscious self is this one and his Compliment is White World-Bridger, same as my conscious self! But getting back to me... this one is the talent or skill that comes easily to me. Red Skywalker is *"the time/space traveller who can jump dimensions to assist you in realizing heaven on Earth. ... You are the one whose expression of the light assists in drawing the pillars of heaven to Earth."

Well.. that's a pretty hefty talent/skill to lay claim to! At this stage I'd say I definitely recognise it within myself and that it is something I have constantly strived for. So, yes - it fits.

* The Bottom Shield is your Subconscious Self and Hidden Helper. (The part of yourself which is hidden - getting to know this part of yourself brings you closer to yourself/helps you to understand yourself better. J.)

This one for me is Blue Eagle. So, the hidden part of me I need to understand myself better is, * "whatever furthers your personal evolution and the evolution of global mind. You are an awakener, a transformer, an empowered global visionary. ... The greatest gift you can offer to the planet is to simply be the love. ... Remember your special gifts, your path of service on Earth, your promise to serve the light. Believe in your dreams."

This seems to connect well with my challenge of self-doubt! It's certainly a very nice and uplifting message. :-) I made my promises to serve the Light a long time ago, one way and anoter, so I'd say this hidden inner me has never really been hidden, although it certainly sets some high standards for me to strive for.

* The Top Shield is your Higher Self & Guide. (Your higher consciousness /spirituality and your spiritual guide - working with this brings you closer to the universal centre/god -J.)

This one for me is White Wind. *"White Wind represents spontaneity and simplicity. White Wind also embodies the concept of presence. ... It has to do with being wise in your simplicity. From simple beingness, your true identity emerges. Presence is being open, aware, and in the now. Presence is 'being there' for whatever is."

LOL This one makes me laugh because in Western Astrology my Mid-heaven destiny is... to create simplicity! The wisdom in simplicity has always impressed me more than any other kind. I love this idea! The portion I do struggle with is Presence. I'm a day dreamer type. I'm rarely "aware and in the now"! That is something I'm going to have to think about and work on.

So, we are a combination of all of the above, right? What's interesting to me is the challenge aspect - if this is what we are meant to focus on - to learn or accomplish in our lifetime - does our challenge not eventually become our destiny? Any thoughts?

Jacques, my challenge is to trust my inner voice and yes, I'd say that definitely it has to become a part of my destiny. I think you probably do have to work with all five of those Mayan portions to get the complete "picture" of who you are and why you're here on the planet.

To sum it all up: I surrender to serving the Light and to trusting my own voice. I do this standing in simplicity and Presence. In doing this I bring Heaven to Earth and transform through Love.

That was fun, Jacques - thank you for setting those questions. :-)

***All excerpts were from the book, "The Mayan Oracle - Return Path to the Stars" by Ariel Spilsbury & Michael Bryner

Wednesday, 3 September 2008

Ever since I decided to not go ahead with surgery I've been chewing over the fact that choosing to not act is as much a choice as any other, maybe even more difficult than choosing action. Recently Hayden added a comment that connected to what I had begun thinking myself:

I understand your comment "everything altered by not being altered," - choosing to live in the present and accepting what "IS" without the constant quest for change is a huge shift for most people. In these circumstances it must feel incredibly profound.

Accepting what "IS"... not something our modern world is fond of. I think modern society is into quick fixes. Getting old? - face lift. Don't like your face/body? - plastic surgery. Don't like your spouse? - divorce. We're not geared to accepting and making the best of things. We want solutions and cures. Not that that's a bad thing in itself, but sometimes it leads to us being dissatisfied with what we do have, because we keep thinking there's got to be something better.So we overlook the fact that sometimes what we already have is pretty darn good in itself!

This whole idea has been running through my head since a friend sent me a link to a Mayan astrology/birth day calculator. The ancient Maya believed that every person had a destiny and "job to do" from birth, so I was very keen to find out what mine was. It's complex and many-layered, but the main theme of my life turns out to be...

surrender

In this life-time you are being asked to release and surrender. Surrender is the opposite of giving up. It is freeing yourself from the desire to be in control, letting go of how you think things should be. Surrender is freedom. You are being invited to release yourself from the bondage of preconceived action, to let everything be all right as it is, so that you can live a more inspired life in the moment!

Surrender?

I was not impressed! What kind of a life destiny was that supposed to be??How can someone who surrenders hold power? Isn't surrender just another way of saying giving up - not trying hard enough?

and yet... when I started thinking about it I realised how much it has always been there within me. In high school I was the kid who drifted a lot. I had no grand plans or dreams as to where I was going in my life. I wanted to be surprised. I wanted to let go of the shore and see where life/God took me. In other words I surrendered. I wanted to read the book of my life as it was written rather than write it ahead of living it.

The result has been a story that was nothing I expected and everything I could have hoped for. Lots of adventure and surprising twists in my book! ;-) What's even more surprising is I can now see how the only times I have suffered is when I stopped surrendering and tried to take control through force. The moment I fight life I whack my head against walls, my health shoots downhill and my emotional health implodes. In other words - I fall apart. Can I relearn to simply let go of the shore, to trust? Can there really be strength and courage in surrender? The Maya think so and I'm realising that they are a lot wiser than I realised!

NOTE: Anyone wanting to discover their Mayan life destiny can find it by calculating their day here and then reading the full write up here