Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Have been debating how to share something that happened today. Some sad news. With a silver lining. Something that has undoubtedly already begun to change me...forever.

Discussed it with my mom and Mr. Diabolina and finally just decided to do what I've been doing for the last 8 months: speak my truth, come what may. I realized that this blog has become such an outlet for me - creatively and emotionally. It's how I process and record the precious moments of my life. It is how I am fearless; unapologetic about who I am and what I think. It is a gift.

Plus, as a lovely side effect, its become the venue for so much support and validation. It has become a community and a dialogue. About fashion and life and being women and everything in between.

So I thank you in advance for how your words will help me get through the days and challenges ahead...

Here goes:

Today we found out my mom has a brain tumor. It is not cancer - thank goodness. And it is not bleeding which is what the doctors were fearing most of the day.

It is a 3 cm meningioma at the base of her cerebellum. Benign but likely growing and causing the pressure contributing to the headaches she's been having. It may be inoperable due to its location.

The neurologist opted not to admit her after keeping her under observation for about 8 hours. Her pain eventually responded to medication and the vomitting was localized to Friday. Apparently a very good thing.

We are getting referrals tomorrow. Want to get more information from a specialist about treatment options. The ER people just recommended a wait and see approach. Ugh. Have I mentioned our health care system makes me ill.

Please keep her in your thoughts. She was feeling better this evening. Seems like the pain is one day on, one day off.

I am a wreck inside but trying to keep it together for her. Have gone into problem solving mode. Staying positive until there is something to really worry about. This is life and you either deal with it or you lay down and die. The latter is not an option.

Mr. D has been an angel, per usual. Thank you to Sable Crow and Pop Tart Lover and Jean Bean and Juana and Peaches and Charmy and The Peeper and her husband for all the love. We are lucky to have the support system we do.

Kiss,D

p.s. This is what I was wearing this morning. Funny no? How girly and fancy-free I looked when I found out my life had just changed. Forever.

The first thing my mom said when she saw me was that she loved the skirt.

(((hugs)))My parents are in their mid-70s and as a family we have faced some major health crises over the years. I know how hard it can be to deal with the emotional rollercoaster of it all. And it always seems to be harder on the daughters. Many good thoughts and prayers to you and your mom.

I have been lurking on your blog for a while, and even though I don't know you, I wanted to send you and your Mom good thoughts and prayers. My Mom has been sick too, and I know how hard it is. Just know that the best medicine for her is to have a daughter like you. Sending your family lots of love,Kelly

Been reading your blog for a few months but I'm pretty sure this is the first I've commented. Sorry for being a non-contributing reader. I felt like I should comment now because I know exactly how you feel. My sister went through a similar situation in 2006. Had been having headaches and nausea and finally got checked out. Turned out it was a benign brain tumor. They originally told her it was inoperable but she saw a few specialists just to be sure and others decided it could actually be removed.

All I can say is keep the faith, continue to be there for your mother and fall back on your friends when you feel like you can't take anymore. I will pray for your mother and your family. **hugs**

I'm mostly a lurker, but I wanted to say that you and your mom are in my thoughts. I love reading about your relationship with her and I know that you will be a wonderful support for her through this. stay positive and hang in there.

i have had the good fortune in life to know firsthand how selfless "pem" is ~ i will never forget how she treated me after our accident and especially that she washed my ratty bloody hair after the hospital. if only i could return the favor in person ~ but know that i am in spirit thinking of her feeling better and getting healthy.

i've been loving your blog for months but had to finally stop and post a comment today. i admire your strength and resilience in response to this difficult news -- i will definitely pray for your mother & the docs that see her! (sidenote: my father had two VERY invasive neuro-surgeries last year at USC medical center and i cannot say enough about their incredible neurology and neurosurgery department.) another commenter above said it best: you and your mother are truly blessed to have each other at this time. xoxo

I've been an avid reader of yours for awhile's and after reading your blog today, I just wanted to jump out and give you a hug and to tell you to stay strong. It's so hard to swallow news like this especially when it has to do with our close loved ones. Hopefully, everything will be okay once you get more opinions and information. I'll be keeping you and your family in my prayers.

I'm a lurker, but wanted to come out for this post. Your relationship with your mother reminds me so much of my relationship with my mom. My heart goes out to you and your family - I'll be thinking and praying for you.

I'll be keeping your family in my thoughts and prayers. I'm running a marathon & raising money to battle cancer. I'd be honored to put your mother's name on my jersey in support of her upcoming battle.

D, I have been a lurker for quite a few months but thought this was the perfect opportunity to come out and let you know that I will hold you and your mom in my prayers.Big hugs for you and your Mommy.

What a wonderful gift you give us, Diabolina: to weave a community for us with your thoughts and words, and to share your life as a foil for our own hopes and fears.

I've stood by you (and sometimes in front of you!) for 13 years this month, and it goes without saying that I'm here now and always.

Seeing this outpouring makes me even more sure that you'll come out the other side of this journey stronger, more clear, and more powerful than you imagined: as a writer, as a woman, and as one hell of a beautiful soul.

Our family has recently, and is still, going through something very similar. Unfortunately the tumor found was not benign for our loved one. I don't know you well or IRL, but I know you are going to make it through this. From what I read you are strong and have amazing support. Best wishes for you and Lil Momma in the days ahead.

I can only imagine what your feeling right now. Like yourselves, my mother and I are "uña y dedo" and she is definitely the best friend I've ever had. It must be very hard, but from what I've gathered from your virtual persona - you are a strong and optiistic soul, with a persevering spirit. Hoping for the best and I will have you both in my thoughts and prayers.

OMG!! I am a little late on this, but just wanted to give my condolences and well wishes to you and your mother. She is obviously one hell of an amazing woman and I cannot imagine facing what the two of you will in the upcoming months. Stay strong and God bless.

D - I have been so busy lately I have lagged on my favorite blogs but today something told me to read you latest entry... I just said a prayer for your mom. I adore her as do so many of your readers. You have a wonderful support system and many many thoughts and prayers coming your way. Stay Strong D! And D's mom!!!

Diabolina -- I've been a lurker via weemo's blog since you started and seeing your post today broke my heart. I can "see" that you and your momma are such strong ladies -- I will pray that you both will continue to have that strength for yourselves and for each other. Hang in there!

Kisses - virtual but no less heartfelt - for you and your mom. I can't imagine how scary this must be for you both not to know exactly what's going on, so good luck researching and hopefully finding more and more good news. Don't worry about the blog, just see what comes out when you sit down to write - we'll all be here to read it.