This past weekend, I dug through no fewer than 500 emails. Then I sorted all my paper items into these handy-dandy shoe boxes, until I tired of it and gave up. And in case you were wondering, this precarious pile of crap stuff is sitting on top of the file cabinet.

My latest attempt at purging was to get some of the crap stuff off of my phone. Turns out, I use my phone to take photos of everything…and by everything? I mean everything. Let us turn to Exhibit A:

I’ve been trying to get a decent photo of the necklace I wear to work every single day. Obviously, this is not it…but I'm giving myself an A for effort…and an A+ for creativity. As you can plainly see, I was extremely busy...

This would be me trying to shop for Connor (14), who would rather have a root canal than be seen in public with his mother…much less actually trying on articles of clothing. This blurry photo actually resulted in an affirmative nod from Connor, as it was fluffy and furry inside. It's like pulling teeth, I tell ya! (Pun intended.)

This would be my Swingline “Jam-Free Guaranteed!” stapler, which I ceremoniously tossed after it jammed for the third freakin' time. The upside is that I tweeted my displeasure with this particular office product, thinking Swingline might honor their “jam-free-guarantee”. They did not. Instead, I received a tweet from their competitor…who then sent me this:

SCORE!! Yes, folks…that’s THREE awesome staplers. It was the major topic of conversation at the office for two days. All you kept hearing was the ***PING!!*** of things being stapled. My boss was the worst offender...putting no less than 20 staples into a Camry brochure 'cause the stapler said it could handle up to 20 pages. And it did.

I was tickled when I realized the theme song to Big Bang was sung by….well, you can read. I sent this photo in a text to Taylor (19) who’s up at college ‘cause…well, I needed to share the joy. He responded with, “I knew that.” I was sufficiently deflated.

Evidently, photographing almost-used-up beauty products only aids in replacing them if one remembers that one needs them whilst one is out. Wow...that was a mouthful. So, it’s great in theory…but I'm still out.

Finally, I thought I’d share one of my most prized possessions. It’s neatly posted right on my wall. As you can see, I’ll be needing to start another Post-it:

I’ve no idea what the “Accent font=lying” means. Suggestions are welcome. I'll admit that I totally know the meaning behind the "boom-chicka-wah-wah" and I'm relatively certain I originally read it on GayGuy/StraightGuy. They crack me up.

Suffice to say, I’m losing my mind...but I seem to have accounted for all of my stuff.

You my friend are hysterical! Forget the clutter, ok wait a word on the clutter on your desktop...poor dog photo background...just make it a plain background so at least it makes A LITTLE sense when you boot up. OK now to that list cause really that's the icing on the cake...Dalai Lama, Christian Louboutin and diarrhea all on one list: CLASSIC!

I went on a tidy bent a few weeks ago. I broke the industrial hole punch by inserting more leaves of paper than it could eat. Now I've a punch that perforates the pages. I expect it'll soon be flight tested.

That is exactly what my desktop looks like! Except the background picture is my company's default logo/propaganda... depressing... everyone gives me a hard time about it, but I've actually never had the urge to purge. Perhaps that should concern me.

The first time I took Mrs B to a Barenaked Ladies gig (Yes the fun loving Canadian have made it to the UK on a number of occasions) she ran into one of her main board directors - He asked where she was off to and she said without thinking

“To see the Barenaked Ladies”

He looked at her in stunned silence and to this day has never said another word to her.... or possibly anyone else below the level of chairman

I am an American man, and I have decided to boycott American women. In a nutshell, American women are the most likely to cheat on you, to divorce you, to get fat, to steal half of your money in the divorce courts, don’t know how to cook or clean, don’t want to have children, etc. Therefore, what intelligent man would want to get involved with American women?

American women are generally immature, selfish, extremely arrogant and self-centered, mentally unstable, irresponsible, and highly unchaste. The behavior of most American women is utterly disgusting, to say the least.

This blog is my attempt to explain why I feel American women are inferior to foreign women (non-American women), and why American men should boycott American women, and date/marry only foreign (non-American) women.

BOYCOTT AMERICAN WOMEN!

BRAND NEW: Buy the Boycott American Women book. After reading this book, I promise you that you will never even think about dating an American woman ever again, or else I will give you your money back. That's right, if you are not convinced by my book, I will give you a full refund!

Buy the Boycott American Women eBook now for just $4.99:http://www.lulu.com/product/ebook/boycott-american-women/16690691

Please also take the time to read a FREE short 100 page book called “Living Free in a Fem-Nazi World”. This book is about freeing you from the fem-nazi, fem-fascist state you live in to live your life as you choose. This book will show you how to no longer be subject to the fem-nazi ‘legislation’ that claims you are a slave with no rights at all.

After reading this short 100 page book, you will understand how to become completely legally free of the feminist legal system worldwide. That is, no woman will ever be able to persecute you or harm you through false DV charges, false rape accusations, feminist divorce courts, etc. In short, you will indeed be a free man in a world of feminism, free and safe from being harmed by feminism.

I have said "one finger stapler" and really love it...and people who borrow it have audible stapler envy as they return to their malfunctioning office utensil lives.

I too was pleased that BNL did Big Bang but was even more tickled (now that I think about it, you may not have been exposed because your youngest is far too old to respectably watch it) that Phineas and Ferb was done by Bowling for Soup!

Glad to see I'm in good company with my cluttered life. Hey, at least you have a life; I'm becoming an ornery old frumpy shoulder shrugger who thinks flowers are increasingly annoying. Especially when they're sent to your coworkers instead of you. I mean, ME.

wow clutter ville. i know im not the most orginized person but i am better than that. although so many people in this world are so totally clutter bugs. my sister is one of them. she has way to much stuff in her apartment

Post a Comment

welcome!

I'm glad you stopped by. Now that you're here, I hope you'll breathe and reboot. Cocktails are optional, but highly recommended. Not that you need one to find me utterly charming...but it couldn't hurt.So pour yourself a glass of Cloudy, raise it high and send a toast to all of us. I'll try my best to make you smile. But if I fail, just pour yourself another...it's a win/win.