Suzanne Somers’ glamorous, totally on-trend poncho whose name sounds like a sex act involving 3 people, a fist and a jar of salsa used as lube.

Thanks to reader Deniz for sending in the latest invention from award-winning actress (Um, she did win TWO People’s Choice Awards,thankyouverymuch) infomercial icon, Queen of Hormone Replacement Therapy and one of the first humans to successfully transform herself into an actual Muppet. Chrissy Snow has done it again! We all know that wearing button down shirts is painful, annoying, uncomfortable and it just makes life harder. How many times have you broken your knuckles from trying to button shirts and when one of the buttons fall off, you just want to run outside and strangle any and every living thing in your path. It’s that frustrating.

Suzanne Somers knows the plight of the button shirt wearers, so she solved all of their problems and saved lives by creating an exquisitely crafted potato sack that can take you from “busy mom dropping the kids off at school” to “serious business woman taking over conglomerates” to “Flashdance costume party at the retirement home rec room.”

Do you always want to look like a style goddess who can easily go from the office to the opera with just a drop of the shoulder? Then the 3 Way Poncho is the only thing that should be in your closet.

But really, we all know Suzanne Somers came up with this shit just so she can say, “3 way.” Let’s have a 3 way!

I’m sad that Suzanne owns the trademark to 3 Way Poncho. Because if I were ever to start a mariachi band that only played swingers parties, I’d want to name it 3 Way Poncho.

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