The Blessing of Failure

If we learn from an experience, there is no such thing as failure.

Harvard University is perhaps the most prestigious academic institution in the world. Oprah Winfrey has often been called one of the most successful women in the world. So it was fitting that this June it was Oprah who was given the honor of serving as commencement speaker to the graduating class of some of America’s most elite students.

But what was truly remarkable was the subject that Oprah chose as her theme. To a group almost certainly assured of great success in life, Oprah stressed the need to understand the message of failure.

“If you’re constantly pushing yourself higher, higher, the law of averages – not to mention the myth of Icarus – predicts that you will at some point fall. And when you do, I want you to know this, remember this: There is no such thing as failure. Failure is just life trying to move us in another direction.”

Oprah’s words resonate with me with special power. As a Rabbi for over half a century, I’ve come to grasp this as a fundamental truth in the lives of many people I’ve counseled – and more significantly in my own life as well.

Of course failure of any kind is never pleasant. It comes clothed with pain. It needs time to recover. But invariably, if we analyze it carefully, failure is accompanied with purpose. As Malcolm Forbes put it succinctly, “Failure is success if we learn from it.”

Failure only becomes a problem when we confuse it with self-identity.

S.I. Hayakawa, the distinguished former U.S. senator from California and a specialist in semantics, alerted us to an all-important distinction between two English words that most of us assume are identical: “Notice the difference between what happens when a man says to himself, 'I have failed three times,’ and what happens when he says, 'I am a failure.'” To think of yourself as a failure is to create a perpetual self-image as a loser.

Failure only becomes a serious problem when we confuse it with our self-identity.

W.C. Fields suggested, “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no use being a damn fool about it.” But W.C. Fields was not a philosopher. He was a comedian who couldn’t quit, at least when it came to drinking and destroying himself.

The Talmud however, wisely enjoins us to remember that "If one says to you: I have struggled mightily and I have not prevailed, do not believe him" (Megillah 6b). We cannot hope to never fail; that is impossible. What we can do is to continue to rise every time we fall, which will guarantee us success. As King Solomon said, “A righteous person falls seven times and gets up” (Proverbs, 24:16).

If you learn from your experience, if your failure inspires you to surpass yourself and to do it better next time, if you understand that failure is merely a momentary event but never defines a person – then you are an alumnus of the best school in the world, and your failure was the tuition you paid for your eventual success.

The world is divided between learners and non-learners.

We love to categorize people, usually by labeling them by one of two distinctly different characteristics. People are skinny or fat, introverted or extroverted, optimists or pessimists, serious or funny. All of these lead to stereotyping and to generalizations that aren’t completely accurate.

There is one division of people, however, that Benjamin Barber, a political scientist at Rutgers University, teaches that may summarize an ultimate truth about human behavior. Barber was asked his opinion of the common division of people into successes and failures. His insights deserve not only to be quoted, but to be observed and committed to memory by every one of us:

I don’t divide the world into the weak and the strong, or the successes and the failures, those who make it or those who don’t. I don’t even divide the world into the extroverted and the introverted, or those who hear the inner voice or the outer voice, because we all hear some of both.

I divide the world into learners and non-learners.

There are people who learn, who are open to what happens around them, who listen, who hear the lessons. When they do something stupid, they don’t do it again. When they do something that works a little bit, they do it even better and harder the next time.

The question to ask is not whether you are a success or a failure, but whether you are a learner or a non-learner.

If I can summarize what he said in one sentence, it’s this: “If we learn from an experience, there is no such thing as failure.”

In Jewish terms, it is couched in the term we use for the person most to be revered and respected. It is a talmid chacham. Not simply a chacham, a wise person, but a student of wisdom, someone who continues to learn from his studies and his experiences.

My Greatest Embarrassment

Oprah’s message to the Harvard graduates resonated with biblical truth. The first of our patriarchs, Abraham, was tested with 10 trials. Torah commentators point out that the Hebrew word for a test, nisayon, is related to the same root as the word for raised or elevated: the ability to overcome obstacles, survive failures and learn and grow from them is what elevates us spiritually and permits us to rise to ever greater heights as human beings.

And from a personal perspective, it was particularly meaningful to me that Oprah stressed the potential blessing of failure at a graduation ceremony – because that is where in my own life I first learned its meaning.

I will never forget my moment of greatest embarrassment. My elementary school graduation ceremony featured a play. As reward for academic achievement, I was granted a leading role. My excitement knew no bounds. I was to play Moses. There could be no greater honor. I practiced my part faithfully. I memorized it perfectly and in rehearsal I performed it flawlessly.

Can you imagine what it was like for me when in front of the entire audience I froze? I was a stranger to the spotlight and I began to stutter and stumble. I felt sick at my failure and couldn’t wait for the performance to be over. How would I ever again face my family and friends who I had so deeply disappointed?

No sooner was the play finished than the principal school stood up to thank everybody. In total shock and amazement I heard him single me out for praise: “We all know that Moses had a speech defect and stuttered – and so we especially thank Benjamin Blech, the star of the show, who played Moses so realistically.”

Any success I have today as a speaker stems from my first failure – a failure that a very wise man helped me turn into the blessing of confidence and success.

Featured at Aish.com:

About the Author

Rabbi Benjamin Blech, a frequent contributor to Aish, is a Professor of Talmud at Yeshiva University and an internationally recognized educator, religious leader, and lecturer. Author of 14 highly acclaimed books with combined sales of over a half million copies, his newest, The World From A Spiritual Perspective, is a collection of over 100 of his best Aish articles. See his website at www.benjaminblech.com.

Visitor Comments: 20

(19)
Ann,
July 2, 2013 2:33 PM

Thank you Rabbi Blech

That school principal was a man above men, as you are to recount what he did for you in commenting on your performance, dear Rabbi Blech. Indeed we are learners and no-learners--and, I might add, Learning is the flip side of the coin of Love.

(18)
Mimi,
June 28, 2013 2:23 AM

In Awe

It is an absolutely powerful lesson and it is amazing how the principal was able to do this spontaneously. I wonder who this awesome principal is??

(17)
Gary Tolchinsky,
June 25, 2013 9:27 PM

Not Necessarily About the Results

Think it's easy in this society to measure success and failure by the visible results of our actions. One person struggles day and night to write a great novel, but can't find a publisher. Another spends far less effort and writes a best-seller. So does that make the first writer a "failure"? I've heard that G-Dblesses the effort we take, and only He is in charge of the results.... Just as important, the only real measure of success and failure is our free will choices to do the right thing. In this area, only G-D knows who is truly a success in life. All that said:), this article does a great job in explaining the power of learning from our mistakes and becoming better people!

(16)
craig,
June 25, 2013 2:43 PM

thank you rabbi blech

Rabbi blech. You help so many with your healing words.

(15)
Rogelio Aquino,
June 25, 2013 11:54 AM

Differentiate between sin and failure.

I think all sin is a failure to do what is commended to us. but not all failure in sin. Only God can forgive our sin, but only our self can turn away from the failure. We cannot learn the best things on our self if we cannot learn from our failure. Failure, means a teacher to teach us to be better than next time.

(14)
,
June 25, 2013 7:26 AM

BRILLIANT ARTICLE

"A KEEPER" FOR OUR PERSONAL LIVES ANF FOR THE LIVES OF OUR CLIENTS THAT WE COUNSEL.

THANK YOU RABBI AND THANK YOU AISH.

(13)
Beverly Kurtin,
June 25, 2013 1:15 AM

Failure? No.

My friends used to call me Cat because I landed on my feet every time I "failed." At one point in my life I hit the "age ceiling" so I went to work for the only person I knew I could trust: ME.

Although my health is precarious at times, I KNOW that if it became necessary for me to work again, I could DO IT. All the failures in my life just taught me what NOT to do the next time. So I totally agree, I may have failed sometimes, but I've never been a failure!

Nancy,
July 3, 2013 4:58 PM

To commenter #13--I LOVE your philosophy on life! What you have written is the true meaning of success. Btw--I wish you good health.

(12)
Anonymous,
June 25, 2013 12:25 AM

THANK YOU!

Rabbi Blech,Your words not only resonate, but ring with a truth so rarely heard in this noisy world. I look forward to all your articles. Thank you for the constant inspiration.

(11)
Anonymous,
June 24, 2013 12:09 PM

WOW what a different prospective

Your words gave me a new window to look at all my failures with new sight. Not as failures but as great learning experiences and insight as to the guiding hand of God.What an enlightening word.Be blessed and thank you

(10)
Donna Walker,
June 24, 2013 3:49 AM

I have heard you speak....

You certainly learned from that failure. You are an excellent and inspiring speaker now...just like Moses!

Glad to see you well still!

(9)
Julius,
June 24, 2013 1:30 AM

Words of wisdom

I loved the excellent words of wisdom written in this article.

(8)
Yehudith Shraga,
June 23, 2013 5:39 PM

Ability to learn is one of the most distinctful qualities of the human race.

Thank you so much for so many reassuring insights and messages, As the article shows they are numerous among all the people and different nations, there is still one very wise saying which should be mentioned : the fools learn from their own mistakes, the wise learn from the mistakes of others".

It is very difficult to come to the level of "wise", we all start by learning from our own mistakes, and as the article brightly states,the way our is to become "the students of Wise".

The Sages ask "and who is Wise?" and answer "The Creator is". Who knows better everything if not the One who created all these!The point of the Sages is that without Torah study and performing Mitzvot there is no way a person may really understand and FEEL the difference between the positive and negative effect of anything in this world, including the notion called failure, and so we may speak and discuss the notions during all our lives without really knowing what we are speaking about, because speaking and making it real are too different things, as well as KNOWING that there is Torah and LIVING according to It.

(7)
Anonymous,
June 23, 2013 4:49 PM

Failure?

the only failure is the time when you don't get up after falling down!

(6)
Anonymous,
June 23, 2013 4:33 PM

BLESSING

You were blessed to have such a principal. Self esteem is everything; without it perhaps one is a failure.

(5)
Ella,
June 23, 2013 4:31 PM

Amazing principal

I loved the whole article but the principals response was so amazing. I didn't see that coming-but it was so appropriate.

(4)
Meir,
June 23, 2013 3:17 PM

words of wisdom

A young man once approached an older, highly successful businessman and asked:"Sir, what is the secret of your success?""Making the right decisions", replied the businessman"And how did you learn to make the right decisions?" asked the younger man."Experience" replied the businessman."And how did you get your experience?" asked the younger man?"Bad decisions" replied the businessman.

(3)
ruth housman,
June 23, 2013 3:09 PM

to stutter

So interesting to come to this after re reading an email I sent to a man who writes about healing and who just co-wrote a memoir. Why? Beause I stuttered on paper, making a repeating mistake with a letter. As a speech therapist I realized this as a stutter on paper. And so I thought about MOSES. I did. And I thought about him, and strangely, "his" relationship to me. But that's another story... In the word LEARN there is, EARN, and also URN, if you follow the aural connectivity. I am following a Language Based Story that is off the charts synchronous. So I know it's ALL Divine. Oprah and Orpah are close, and so that name would of course, resonate to a Ruth, who feels her name, as it goes back for her, to The Book of Ruth, and a story, that is so deeply about, friendship and love.

(2)
Anonymous,
June 23, 2013 11:33 AM

Wow! Your principal was a very wise man! Thank you for writing such a thought provoking essay.

(1)
Anonymous,
June 23, 2013 11:31 AM

THE DISGUISE...

Sometimes what seems to be hardship, is really- a Jacob's Ladder, in disguise.

I live in rural Montana where the Cholov Yisrael milk is difficult to obtain and very expensive. So I drink regular milk. What is your view on this?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Jewish law requires that there be rabbinic supervision during the milking process to ensure that the milk comes from a kosher animal. In the United States, many people rely on the Department of Agriculture's regulations and controls as sufficiently stringent to fulfill the rabbinic requirement for supervision.

Most of the major Kashrut organizations in the United States rely on this as well. You will therefore find many kosher products in America certified with a 'D' next to the kosher symbol. Such products – unless otherwise specified on the label – are not Cholov Yisrael and are assumed kosher based on the DOA's guarantee.

There are many, however, do not rely on this, and will eat only dairy products that are designated as Cholov Yisrael (literally, "Jewish milk"). This is particularly true in large Jewish communities, where Cholov Yisrael is widely available.

Rabbi Moshe Feinstein wrote that under limited conditions, such as an institution which consumes a lot of milk and Cholov Yisrael is generally unavailable or especially expensive, American milk is acceptable, as the government supervision is adequate to prevent non-kosher ingredients from being added.

It should be added that the above only applies to milk itself, which is marketed as pure cow's milk. All other dairy products, such as cheeses and butter, may contain non-kosher ingredients and always require kosher certification. In addition, Rabbi Feinstein's ruling applies only in the United States, where government regulations are considered reliable. In other parts of the world, including Europe, Cholov Yisrael is a requirement.

There are additional esoteric reasons for being stringent regarding Cholov Yisrael, and because of this it is generally advisable to consume only Cholov Yisroel dairy foods.

In 1889, 800 Jews arrived in Buenos Aires, marking the birth of the modern Jewish community in Argentina. These immigrants were fleeing poverty and pogroms in Russia, and moved to Argentina because of its open door policy of immigration. By 1920, more than 150,000 Jews were living in Argentina. Juan Peron's rise to power in 1946 was an ominous sign, as he was a Nazi sympathizer with fascist leanings. Peron halted Jewish immigration to Argentina, introduced mandatory Catholic religious instruction in public schools, and allowed Argentina to become a haven for fleeing Nazis. (In 1960, Israeli agents abducted Adolf Eichmann from a Buenos Aires suburb.) Today, Argentina has the largest Jewish community in Latin America with 250,000, though terror attacks have prompted many young people to emigrate. In 1992, the Israeli Embassy in Buenos Aires was bombed, killing 32 people. In 1994, the Jewish community headquarters in Buenos Aires was bombed, killing 85 people. The perpetrators have never been apprehended.

Be aware of what situations and behaviors give you pleasure. When you feel excessively sad and cannot change your attitude, make a conscious effort to take some action that might alleviate your sadness.

If you anticipate feeling sad, prepare a list of things that might make you feel better. It could be talking to a specific enthusiastic individual, running, taking a walk in a quiet area, looking at pictures of family, listening to music, or reading inspiring words.

While our attitude is a major factor in sadness, lack of positive external situations and events play an important role in how we feel.

[If a criminal has been executed by hanging] his body may not remain suspended overnight ... because it is an insult to God (Deuteronomy 21:23).

Rashi explains that since man was created in the image of God, anything that disparages man is disparaging God as well.

Chilul Hashem, bringing disgrace to the Divine Name, is one of the greatest sins in the Torah. The opposite of chilul Hashem is kiddush Hashem, sanctifying the Divine Name. While this topic has several dimensions to it, there is a living kiddush Hashem which occurs when a Jew behaves in a manner that merits the respect and admiration of other people, who thereby respect the Torah of Israel.

What is chilul Hashem? One Talmudic author stated, "It is when I buy meat from the butcher and delay paying him" (Yoma 86a). To cause someone to say that a Torah scholar is anything less than scrupulous in meeting his obligations is to cause people to lose respect for the Torah.

Suppose someone offers us a business deal of questionable legality. Is the personal gain worth the possible dishonor that we bring not only upon ourselves, but on our nation? If our personal reputation is ours to handle in whatever way we please, shouldn't we handle the reputation of our nation and the God we represent with maximum care?

Jews have given so much, even their lives, for kiddush Hashem. Can we not forego a few dollars to avoid chilul Hashem?

Today I shall...

be scrupulous in all my transactions and relationships to avoid the possibility of bringing dishonor to my God and people.

With stories and insights,
Rabbi Twerski's new book Twerski on Machzor makes Rosh Hashanah prayers more meaningful. Click here to order...