As we know there are some women that just love jerk/asshole/bad boys. Let's call them jerkassboys. Now what percentage of women love these guys is a subject of debate--in my cynical days I would have said all except lesbians--and no study is every going to get to the bottom of that due to the subjective nature of what quantifies a jerkassboy. Where does one stop being merely inattentive/crude/unempathetic and becomes a full blown jerkassboy?

But--as I'm now not nearly so cynical--I recognize that there are indeed quite a few women that do not go gaga for jerkassboys. So for those of you that don't like them...do you think ill of the women that do? Do you dislike them for perpetuating a stereotype that could easily be fuel for a misogynists fire?

I'll say that I do get angry at men that just love big boobs over everything else and date complete idiots with horrible personalities because of their big boobs. I feel that way primarily because I feel it reflects badly on men that do actually care about such things as "character." So are there any analogous feelings amongst any of you that don't like the jerkassboys?

I only get annoyed at other women who have identified a problem but continue with it. So a friend who complains about a guy she is dating when she could easily dump him, yes, I would be annoyed. A friend who is living with or married to her SO, I would have a little bit more patience with.

"Jerkassboys" are a very LONG way away from the traditional bad boy image. A "Jerkassboy" to me is one who treats women badly. And when my gf's date these types of guys, I feel bad for them, but I am still their friend. It's there choice and they can have it.

And I think it's just fine if a guy prefers to date women with a particular body type, size, color, shape, whatever.

Staff MemberModeratorGold Member

I have a very close friend who was married to a complete jerk, in my opinion. She was so vivacious and loved to have fun. He was a stick in the mud who didn't want to do anything but stay home and would complain if she so much as entertained the thought of going out without him. The times I spent at their house for dinner were nerve wracking! I would get so angry I wanted to shout at him.

They finally split after many years of marriage. She soon became her old self, which was wonderful to see. She met another jerk and married him. I quit asking why.

As we know there are some women that just love jerk/asshole/bad boys. Let's call them jerkassboys.

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I guess I've had my share of these - although I don't go for the ones who treat ME badly. I don't claim to understand it. Maybe I instinctively think they'll be more likely to Dom me in bed - if so, Lizard Brain needs to listen to Logic Brain a little more, because Logic Brain knows better. Maybe the nurturing part of me wants to look after THEM. I just don't know what's going on.

Some of this may also be based on observer misunderstandings of the individual's expectations, wants and needs in a relationship (ie. the jerkassboy ain't really a jerkassboy). In some of my relationships (largely with FBs but also in LTRs), both my partner and I have behaved in ways that would be unacceptable to others, but which are perfectly fine for us. Other people might see those partners as jerkassboys (or me as a jerkassgirl), whereas I don't.

But--as I'm now not nearly so cynical--I recognize that there are indeed quite a few women that do not go gaga for jerkassboys.

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Indeed, there are plenty. My too-nice ex is now happily married with kids (ie. he might have been too nice for me, but he wasn't too nice for her).

So for those of you that don't like them...do you think ill of the women that do? Do you dislike them for perpetuating a stereotype that could easily be fuel for a misogynists fire?

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I hate that so many people believe that bad boys get the girls, and nice guys finish up alone. In my experience, it's just not true. Do I dislike them for perpetuating the steroetype, nah, but I get annoyed when men believe the stereotype.

I'll say that I do get angry at men that just love big boobs over everything else and date complete idiots with horrible personalities because of their big boobs. I feel that way primarily because I feel it reflects badly on men that do actually care about such things as "character." So are there any analogous feelings amongst any of you that don't like the jerkassboys?

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People are always going to have experiences that cloud their judgment in some way - in this case, men who think women only like jerkassboys, or women who think men only like big boobs. I think it's up to these individuals to learn how to recognise their own faulty beliefs and learn how to live with them or fix them.

I don't think you can blame people for being attracted to a certain kind of look or package (package is NOT intended to refer to genitals in this instance!). And within reason there's nothing wrong with them going after their desired look or package.

And when my gf's date these types of guys, I feel bad for them, but I am still their friend. It's there choice and they can have it.

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I'm kind of with you on this one, EXCEPT I won't let them complain to me about how bad he treats them. After I've offered hugs and advice a few hundred times, I tell them that if they choose to ignore my advice and stay in the relationship, the complaints are someone else's job. I guess I just don't have much tolerance for people who choose to stay in a situation they CLAIM to dislike (exceptions made for domestic violence, etc - my method only applies when the friend is being an idiot).

There are a lot of women who fall for jerks and assholes. If they do it once, maybe twice, I'll just consider that a "learning experience" for them. A lot of awesome men and women have made the occasional mistakes, but most of them learn not to make the same mistake twice. If they keep wanting bad boys after that, I see their choices as a reflection of their poor skills at character judgment.

The same is true for guys who only look at a woman's pretty face, boob size, or curves when asking her out. If they don't have enough sense to see how she treats others, then they are just setting themselves up to be used and owned. Some guys will come to their senses. Some won't. They'll dump her, call her a bitch to everyone who will listen, and then go pick up another woman just like her the next day. Rinse, lather, repeat.

I guess I've had my share of these - although I don't go for the ones who treat ME badly. I don't claim to understand it. Maybe I instinctively think they'll be more likely to Dom me in bed - if so, Lizard Brain needs to listen to Logic Brain a little more, because Logic Brain knows better. Maybe the nurturing part of me wants to look after THEM. I just don't know what's going on.

Some of this may also be based on observer misunderstandings of the individual's expectations, wants and needs in a relationship (ie. the jerkassboy ain't really a jerkassboy). In some of my relationships (largely with FBs but also in LTRs), both my partner and I have behaved in ways that would be unacceptable to others, but which are perfectly fine for us. Other people might see those partners as jerkassboys (or me as a jerkassgirl), whereas I don't.

Indeed, there are plenty. My too-nice ex is now happily married with kids (ie. he might have been too nice for me, but he wasn't too nice for her).

I hate that so many people believe that bad boys get the girls, and nice guys finish up alone. In my experience, it's just not true. Do I dislike them for perpetuating the steroetype, nah, but I get annoyed when men believe the stereotype.

People are always going to have experiences that cloud their judgment in some way - in this case, men who think women only like jerkassboys, or women who think men only like big boobs. I think it's up to these individuals to learn how to recognise their own faulty beliefs and learn how to live with them or fix them.

I don't think you can blame people for being attracted to a certain kind of look or package (package is NOT intended to refer to genitals in this instance!). And within reason there's nothing wrong with them going after their desired look or package.

I'm kind of with you on this one, EXCEPT I won't let them complain to me about how bad he treats them. After I've offered hugs and advice a few hundred times, I tell them that if they choose to ignore my advice and stay in the relationship, the complaints are someone else's job. I guess I just don't have much tolerance for people who choose to stay in a situation they CLAIM to dislike (exceptions made for domestic violence, etc - my method only applies when the friend is being an idiot).[/QUOTE

I think it's very cool for you to remain their friend without passing judgment. You are a true friend, in my opinion.

Gold Member

I am friends with a person, not their SO's. Unless they are being obviously damaged by the relationship, I don't consider it my business.

Obviously I would rather be friends with both halves of a couple, but sometimes it's just not possible. Because I will draw aside my friend if I have to and explain EXACTLY why I am avoiding their SO, if I must.

There are a lot of women who fall for jerks and assholes. If they do it once, maybe twice, I'll just consider that a "learning experience" for them. A lot of awesome men and women have made the occasional mistakes, but most of them learn not to make the same mistake twice. If they keep wanting bad boys after that, I see their choices as a reflection of their poor skills at character judgment.

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I don't see this as poor skills at character judgment. I think they know exactly what they are getting. I have a cousin who would constantly date guys that were just......bad boys. Guys with criminal records and jailhouse tats. Some beat her up. Some got her in trouble with drugs. She did that for years and then one day she was out in the woods four wheeling with her latest guy and she got thrown free. The jeep rolled over her and crushed her face. The guy uprighted the jeep and just took off. A passing hunter in a truck spotted her and she was lifeflighted to UC Davis Medical Center. Her boyfriend got arrested.

Then there's the couple across the street. One night, about a year ago, I caught him outside kicking his wife who was laying on the ground bleeding. One neighbor and I moved into stop it, which was hard because he was holding his 2 year old boy at the time, but we got him away from her. Then another guy pried away the kid and we got him on the ground to restrain him while he struggled and screamed drunken slurs at us.

Eventually the cops show up, he goes off to jail. I show up for court to testify only to find out a deal was made. He got out on time served and he moved right back in with her!

VerifiedGold Member

I think there is a difference between being a jerk, and having mucho confidence with a bit of arrogance. The distinction may be somewhat coudy, and it turns out maybe the guy is an a$$ instead of a confident guy.

Gold Member

I don't see this as poor skills at character judgment. I think they know exactly what they are getting. I have a cousin who would constantly date guys that were just......bad boys. Guys with criminal records and jailhouse tats. Some beat her up. Some got her in trouble with drugs. She did that for years and then one day she was out in the woods four wheeling with her latest guy and she got thrown free. The jeep rolled over her and crushed her face. The guy uprighted the jeep and just took off. A passing hunter in a truck spotted her and she was lifeflighted to UC Davis Medical Center. Her boyfriend got arrested.

Then there's the couple across the street. One night, about a year ago, I caught him outside kicking his wife who was laying on the ground bleeding. One neighbor and I moved into stop it, which was hard because he was holding his 2 year old boy at the time, but we got him away from her. Then another guy pried away the kid and we got him on the ground to restrain him while he struggled and screamed drunken slurs at us.

Eventually the cops show up, he goes off to jail. I show up for court to testify only to find out a deal was made. He got out on time served and he moved right back in with her!

I seriously don't understand that.

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Just making a suggestion here. Maybe you could take the time to read up on people who are in abusive relantionships and the reasons why they stay with their abuser. Some women are attracted to a certain type of man because that is all they know and all they think they deserve.

This is a good little site for you to read up on the subject if you would like to. Just so you have a better understanding of why and how people end up in these situations. It's not only women that become trapped by domestic violence. http://www.ncadv.org/ 20 reasons why she stays is a good place to start.

If "jerkassboys" include thugs, then yes. I am loathe to admit it, but it actually angers me to see women falling all over people who treat them like that. Yeah. That's my ideal man. Smack the shit out of me, baby. Treat me like garbage, daddy. Ooh yeah. You have 4 out of wedlock kids? Fab. Run it in me raw too, e-yeah!

If "jerkassboys" include thugs, then yes. I am loathe to admit it, but it actually angers me to see women falling all over people who treat them like that. Yeah. That's my ideal man. Smack the shit out of me, baby. Treat me like garbage, daddy. Ooh yeah. You have 4 out of wedlock kids? Fab. Run it in me raw too, e-yeah!

...Sorry.

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Just my thinking too! If a women keeps falling for thugs, jerks, and assholes, she has issues. It's like a big flashing neon sign on her that warns off real men. She's just setting herself up for a life of misery.

Same with guys. If a guy keeps falling for bitches, drama queens, and prima donnas, then he needs to have his head fixed. No, not that head. The one on top of his shoulders. Smart women know enough to stay away from any guy clueless enough to keep dating the wrong women.

Gold Member

A dear friend of mine just delivered her second child with this complete loser. There really is no excuse. She grew up with a father who pulled his weight and kept his promises. They had a really decent relationship until the second time she and this dude terminated a pregnancy while she was still in high school. We met this dude when I was 6 and she was 3. He got us into big trouble when I was 8 and I learned to keep my distance. He always was into her, and his brother liked me, but I wouldn't give him the time of day. As teens, he began playing her against her sisters. Before that, they used to be inseparable.

One night, I was coming home, and stopped to buy some fried chicken. He came out of the chicken joint arm in arm with some very visably pregnant woman. I called my friend who told me he said he had to work late and could not stop to buy their daughter food until he got home. He never even called at 9PM as he'd said he would. A few months later that child was born, and the truth was out. He proved he can't be honest about where he puts his dick, but she still fucks him with no condom, even though he has declined to sign the birth certificate of their newborn. Yuck!

Then she wonders why I won't hook her up with anyone better. Yeah. Maybe if she thought more of herself I would trust her with the health and happiness of my homies.

VerifiedGold Member

I've had my share of assholes... but I didn't fall for them, as assholes, straight away. No. These were 'covert pricks'. The ones that were nice in the beginning, then turned out to be obsessive, abusive, obnoxious sons of bitches. THOSE are the dudes that are really just evil bastards, because they sucker you in with their charms, lull you into a false sense of security, and slowly turn up the abuse.

I would like to see them all being fucked with white-hot barbed wire.

But since I'm not the type to fall for the 'bad boys', I don't stick around for their assclownery. Although, I am ashamed to admit, I did stay with my first boyfriend (who is also the dude I lost my virginity to), for 14 months, while he beat the shit out of me. But that was because I was not in my home state, I had no family there, and everybody LOVED him, he could do no wrong. Ha. Thankfully my gallbladder decided to act up, so I went home for surgery.

As for other women who do that: I have no pity for them. If you can't see past your own damn selfishness of 'Oh, but I CANNNNNNNN'T leave him! Nobody else wants meeeeee and I don't want to be so loooonelyyyyy', it's your own fault. I'd rather be alone than being beat or being called a cunt because I didn't have dinner hot and ready for him on the table when he got home at 3 AM

I lost a friend over a jerkassboy. One of my oldest and absolutely closest friends, too.

This guy was such a jerkass that he was rude to TheBF over and over again, which is extremely hard to do, like kicking a puppy, but I suppose that he was feeling jealous over TheBF's accomplishments or something and he attacked TheBF right in front of me over some erroneous assumptions, like being a "rich boy" and having everything given to him and having the right connections that's responsible for his success. TheBF paid for his college himself, got through it in 3.5 years, spent a lot of that time using a bedroll to sleep on the floor in the cheapest room he could find so that he could make it through without incurring debt, saved up enough money for a down payment to buy his first house a semester before he graduated, and his first year after college he made more money than both of his parents combined because he comes from a modest background. He's a self-made man, and so modest about it, and sweet and kind to others, and you'd have to be a real jerkass to make him the unwarranted target of personal attacks on his character, but that's what kind of jerk this guy is. He had literally just met TheBF, didn't know a thing about him, and less than an hour later was attacking him based upon stupid assumptions that he had made, even though TheBF had been nothing but friendly to him. What a jerkass! And for what reason? :confused22:

That wasn't an isolated incident. He treated me the same way, and total strangers, and waitresses, and his "friends" too, from what I could tell.

At first I thought that his behavior was a reaction because we had met before, and he had acted like a total jackass then! I was in one of my favorite hangouts, a little hole-in-the-wall bar where my then boyfriend worked as a bartender. It was the middle of the afternoon, the place was almost totally empty and the jukebox was off. I was drinking a beer at the bar and reading a book. It was lovely. Then this arrogant jerk strolls in. I knew his type. Lots of women like men like him, the confident arrogant "alpha dog" type, as some women describe them. I call them Jerks. He was an old "friend" of my boyfriend's from school, and he proceeded to hit on me right in front of my boyfriend. I just returned from a mountain climbing vacation and I was tan and my legs were much more muscular than usual, possibly ever, and I was wearing my hiking boots and shorts which showed them off. He struck up a conversation and we talked about mountain climbing. He claimed that he was currently working on a movie about mountain climbing that was going to be shot on a particular mountain, which he said was in Mexico (he got the country wrong, which I noticed immediately), and that if I wanted to come along, I could! He could arrange it, and wouldn't that be exciting and fun? He was obviously just trying to sleep with me and he assumed I'd be so easy that telling me about this movie would make me roll over and spread my legs for him. What a jerk. My boyfriend kept looking at him like, "You are still a jerk." I was amused by his pathetic attempt to pick me up and I formed a strong opinion of him.

So I initially thought that his jerkass behavior towards me and my love were because of that original embarrassing encounter with him years ago. Nope. It turns out that he's a jerk all the time. To everyone. In lots of different jerkass ways. He's a Master of Jerkishness.

The final straw happened when I went to visit my friend and I stayed the weekend with her and this jerkass. He attacked me non-stop, and she kept making excuses for him. I felt bad for her and I wasn't bothered when she acknowledged that he acting like a jerk and she was clearly embarrassed by his behavior and she would explain that he had issues from being adopted by wealthy people (Yeah, the hypocrisy, right?) who treated their biological son better than him, and his abandonment issues, etc, etc, etc. It was when she began justifying his behavior that my feelings towards her began changing. That's when I began noticing how she never said anything when he was a jerk. She never called him out or intervened, no matter what the situation was. For a long time, I thought she was just attempting to be diplomatic, but then it started to seem like she just didn't think his behavior was really that bad, and then it began to seem like sometimes she was on his side! It was like she was around his obnoxious behavior so much that she had lost all ability to discern what was appropriate behavior and what wasn't. He turned her into a jerkass, too!