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I could jump in and bug you about boners but I feel like I’d be invading or otherwise asking a stupid question?

Q: Tbh it’s hard to think of male specific questions about asexuality? I mean I could jump in and ask you about the sexual expectations attached to masculinity or bug you about boners but I feel like I’d be invading or otherwise asking a stupid question?

In some of the other questions, I addressed a few things about the sexual expectations attached to masculinity, so I might as well talk about boners and my relationship with them. So if you don’t want to read about that, skip the rest of this post.

First of all, they’re kinda weird. If you touch some body part the right way, it inflates. Sometimes it randomly inflates on its own. That’s strange.

They are often inconvenient. They’ll make clothes suddenly uncomfortable. They’ll make it difficult to go to the bathroom. And sometimes they’re hard to get rid of, because they make it become more sensitive, so any touch will keep it going, and at the same time, they’ve made it bigger, so it’s more likely to brush against things.

But enough about technical things for now… This is supposed to be about asexuality in some way.

I’ve never cared about my size. I’ve never felt like I needed it to be bigger, and I’ve never worried about how I stack up against others. I don’t know if that’s because I’m asexual or not, but that probably has something to do with it. It’s big enough for what I do with it, and I don’t have to care about whether my partner prefers or expects a different size. (Although, I will admit to getting out a ruler out of statistical curiosity…)

I don’t tend to get them randomly, at least not anymore. (The hormone soup of the early teens, however, that’s a different story…) I’ll sometimes have one when I wake up, but other than that, I generally don’t get one unless I want one. This is at least partially due to asexuality, because I’m not randomly turned on by people when I’m out and about.

They’ve never made a decision for me. The entire concept of “letting my pants do the thinking” is weird to me. Even if I get one unexpectedly, I never feel like I have to do anything with it or I’ll explode. I honestly don’t know how much of this is asexuality having an effect and how much of it is other people exaggerating their experiences.

Their presence and utility was probably the single biggest factor that prevented me from realizing I was asexual for years. I was told that erections were a signal of attraction. I was told that masturbation required lustful thoughts. Even though I didn’t feel any attraction and didn’t typically have any lustful thoughts (And, for the most part, had to force myself to have them when I did have them…), I figured it all had to be there somewhere. I wish I had known that asexuality existed and that it’s possible to get erections and even masturbate and still be asexual.