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Are you ok? What's bothering you?

* Take note that everything here are going to be sob stories, so if you're looking for a good time I would say that this isn't the place for you. If you choose to continue, that's on you.

I'm running a small experiment, well not really an experiment but something that'd relieve all of us; maybe remove a little bit of our frustrations from our backs. I just don't really have a better term for it, hahahaha.

My point here is that in this thread we'll vent out our frustrations, what's making us sad at this moment, our anxieties, and etc. The goal of this thread is for us to be able to dump all of our horrible experiences and leave it here, just in this thread so that being happy would be a lot easier for us.

I know that some of you might not be willing to share. And that's ok, but please don't flame. We are human beings sometimes we slip up from time to time, and letting go of some baggage might just help people to stand up again. If you don't have anything constructive to say then, don't type anything; it was always a choice.

The 3 rules

1. Never tell the person that he / she could've done things some other way.
2. You can sympathize, but don't feed the person ideas like he / she was a victim of the situation or by the people involved.
3. Never condemn people for their choice of action. (same as no.1)

Few months ago, I broke up with my girlfriend.
In that relationship, I felt like I was nothing to her... I couldn't blame her because she got to graduate sooner than me.
I realized then that if she ends up being more successful, she ended up looking down on me. It's not her fault, it was mine. I got too lazy with my thesis and that's why it happened.

We had so many issues. Like communication, she couldn't make time for me but she could make a lot for her friends, and I don't know if she's purposely trying to make me jealous or she really likes another guy.

By the time she had graduated, I asked her to go eat at our usual restaurant she had to put it off because she was going to treat the guy who helped her with her thesis which she liked way back before we started. It was fine, I trusted her during that time... but I knew I was slowly falling apart, because after that she won't stop talking about how their dinner went, how funny he was, and how she remembered how he was back then.

But that's not all, I asked her out to watch a movie which she declined because she told me she no longer has money to which I quickly retorted that it's going to be my treat; she still declined. The next 2 days, I found out that she went to the movies with her neighbor who had a crush on her... I was so furious; to top it all, off she sent me a picture of him via Viber of how they goofed off around the restaurant after the movie, and immediately told me it was a wrong send. I didn't know what I should do at that time, so I immediately snapped I told her "Hope you enjoyed yesterday"... and when I did she called me names, but that's not what hurt me; it's because she told me this guy knows more about her more than I do, she trusts him more than she trusts me. That second I fell, I couldn't say anything anymore. I just know that I've already lost her. So I did what I did.

On the day I broke up with her, she tried patching things up together... I know I should've just talked to her about our issues, but it hurt so much that I didn't want to believe that she was being sincere; to this day I still don't think she was. She said she still wants to be friends, so that someday we might have a chance again... in my head " yeah right, give me false hopes why don't you? ". But I foolishly agreed, because I still loved her during that time.

Fast forward to 2 months from now, she's communicating with me again, she said she's making up for everything. But I don't know if she's just giving me false hopes. If she is, I want none of it.

I tried doing things that'd get me to move forward and forget her, but I just couldn't.
Every single day, my wish is to remove her out of my head at least just for a day or an hour so that I could be happy; and I hope that brain couldn't be any crueler to me as it is right now... even when I am cooking, or practicing martial arts she ends up popping in my head.
I don't know what I should do I'm running out of ideas and I think I'm going nuts.

Right now, I'm pretty much running in auto-pilot. I try to act like how I used to be but I can't force myself to genuinely act myself as I have before. My friends are helping me, my family's helping me, but I can't help myself. I'm so frustrated to the idea that I'm wasting everyone's efforts on supporting me, none of their help will work if I don't help myself... so why can't I? Is it because I'm still hoping for her? Why?

Ah well, that's life. I can't tell you what to do but the most important thing is to get back up from the fall. It might take time, but when we do, we become stronger and face life more confidently and wisely.