Last time, persimmon brought the groceries and Kellnerin made the dish. For this round, we've provided the recipe and encourage everyone to whip up a little something for us all to share.

Recipe for Writing Fun Challenge 5 Entry
The following yields one (1) short story suitable for reading at home or while bored at work, and is simplicity itself to make. These stories keep well and are perfect for unexpected visitors to your web site.

In an empty file, combine words to form a narrative relating to the theme of food. If using a .txt file, take care that lines do not spill over the edge of the screen. Garnish with pun and place title at top. Serve by upload to the WFC5 site* no later than Monday, January 22, 24:00 GMT.** Can be made up to ten days in advance; best when served anonymously.

Note: Pay special attention to ingredient proportions. For best results, sift words well. Acknowledgement of pun will spoil flavour. Recipe does not double; use sequential batches to produce larger quantities.

We look forward to savoring everyone's creations a week from Monday -- now get cooking!

--* Tip o' the hat to 256 for hosting once again.** In the US and Canada: 4:00 p.m. Pacific, 7:00 p.m. Eastern. You GMT+ folks do your own damn math, but your deadline's officially on Tuesday.

That means I only have 5 days to write this, after $evil_project is over.

That was my first reaction. The reality set in, and I thought, Who am I kidding? I'll write it Sunday afternoon, just like I've done for all the other WFCs.-----
inspiritation: the effect of irritating someone so much it inspires them to do something about it. --BuggEye

You've uncovered my dastardly trick. I wanted to induce an "ah, fuck" but at the same time, to mitigate the feeling of would-be last-minute writers who think "forget it, everyone else has been honing their masterpieces for weeks, I won't stand a chance." Now, everyone'll be doing it at the last minute.

I'll also note that even though I knew what the theme and parameters were before now, I'm still thinking, "ah, fuck" -- I've no idea what I'm going to do. Write about sex, maybe.

--"If a tree is impetuous in the woods, does it make a sound?" -- aethucyn

Somewhere in the story, is a pun that goes un-commented-on by the characters or in any way within the context of the story. It can a well-worn pun in any other context, but in the story it's treated as just another line.

--"If a tree is impetuous in the woods, does it make a sound?" -- aethucyn

"including but not limited to" but that seemed too technical for the recipe conceit, and I didn't want to require them.

Note that nothing in your comment is off-limits even with a strict interpretation of the recipe, as exclamation points fall under "punctuation, as needed." Anyway, now it's, like, updated for your interjecting pleasure, dude.

--"If a tree is impetuous in the woods, does it make a sound?" -- aethucyn

I've been looking for an excuse to do a book cover or story illustration of some kind, and was thinking it might be fun to do for the winner of a WFC. (Check out these layouts for an idea of what I'm thinking. Just keep in mind that I'm no James Bingham.) Basically, one spot illustration. And maybe a printable PDF layout for the combined text & illustration (the word count seems about right for a one-pager.)

I'm just not sure if everyone would want a 'concrete' visual representation from their story or not.

So what do you think? Would that sweeten or sour the pot? Be honest, you won't hurt my feelings.

I'll probably post a diary about the book project after the current round of festivities. It'd be great if you want to contribute to that, too. Are you thinking b/w (or greyscale) for the illustrations? (Just thinking in boring practical terms.)

We might also need a cover -- we've had cover competitions with each round for fun, like the MFCs, but with covers for five different WFCs, one of which wasn't voted on, that doesn't leave us with a clear cover for the collection. How to combine Little People + Post-Apocalypse + Death and Rebirth + Sex + Food in one image would be a challenge in itself (if it even makes sense to try).

--"If a tree is impetuous in the woods, does it make a sound?" -- aethucyn

I could easily accommodate either. Last time I checked, Cafepress could do 'comic book' style printing, with a colour cover and b+w pages, which could suit a collection of short stories with spot illustrations perfectly. The Saturday Evening Post style layouts strike me as being a pretty cool way to do it, if you wanted to go that route.

Putting those 5 ideas together into one cover would be a challenge. (Or you could just go with something like this :) But either way, I could probably help out with as much graphic work as you need for the book. I think it'd be fun.

as it was, I believe one of the cover entries was semi-anonymous, which I think makes Scrymarch the default winner of that round (proving that yes, you do get points just for spelling your name right). Besides, as there's no book of just WFC4 alone, I'm not really sure what you "win" except for the fuzzy someone-clicked-my-checkbox feeling.

--"If a tree is impetuous in the woods, does it make a sound?" -- aethucyn

a guy named Ed Hulver with a harem of radioactive cannibalistic undead midgets. It's not so much that I don't think spacejack can't pull it off, but more that I doubt that anyone really needs to see such a thing illustrated.

--"If a tree is impetuous in the woods, does it make a sound?" -- aethucyn

just "food" would be too easy, so we had to put the screws to you all some other way. I think a few of the WFC regulars (including me) have become too comfortable with the 2000-word format, so it seemed like a good idea to shake that up a little.

Humor is not required, though -- that's why we specified that it should be a bad pun. You're going to write something though, aren't you? I think there's a rule that all previous WFC winners must enter, or if not, there should be.

--"If a tree is impetuous in the woods, does it make a sound?" -- aethucyn

Every time you eat something this week, think about it. Does it remind you of something, do you wish you were eating something else, and if so, what and why? What are you thinking about over lunch? Did you hear a really bad pun the other day, or ever? Or do this: write down twenty bad ideas for a WFC story. More if you can think of them. Then pick one of the ideas on your list and write it anyway, or combine two or more of them into one story. Or, if you're really stuck, pick three random things and start writing a story that includes all of them (and a pun and something about food, of course). A teaspoon, a cat, and a pickup truck. A newspaper, a maple leaf, some loose change.

Oh, and keep in mind that the word limit is actually quite short. To tell a complete story in that space, it's probably best to keep it focused mainly on one scene. Skip all the background and explanation, and go right to the interesting part. (If it helps you to write the background to get into the mood, then go ahead, but you'll probably have to cut a lot to make it fit.)

Good luck!

--"If a tree is impetuous in the woods, does it make a sound?" -- aethucyn

The deadline is there to make yourself sit down and write -- and finish -- something, and then submit it so that everyone else can be a witness to the fact that yes, you did write a story. Once you've done it, you can work on improving your personal best.

--"If a tree is impetuous in the woods, does it make a sound?" -- aethucyn

and will fix that bug. i knew it existed but it hadn't been a problem until now. really the *FC app should rename all files using unique identifiers. and so it shall be.---I don't think anyone's ever really died from smoking. --ni

Maybe the app knows that 9 Panels isn't about food, and thus should be disqualified. Now I'll go anthropomorphize somewhere else, maybe write a story before 4:00. Maybe I'll write the Portnoy's Complaint scene from the point of view of the piece of liver.

I really didn't mean to lock you out completely, even if I did intend to set it up in such a way that I wouldn't win (but I could have done that with half the requirements). I think I've just learned a lot about how to run WFCs, while simultaneously guaranteeing that no one will ever want to give me the chance again.

Well, at least this one went quickly, and hopefully the writers and readers of Husi will look forward to WFC6 even more eagerly.

--"If a tree is impetuous in the woods, does it make a sound?" -- aethucyn

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