Work With Your ADHD – Hand Off Your Tasks

One of the best ways to both work with your ADHD and be productive is not do certain tasks that, yes, definitely need to get done.

And I’m not suggesting you drop or defer them, which certainly are options.

I’m only suggesting you do not do them.

You are probably wondering, “How is that possibly a good idea, Marla?!”

Hang with me for a bit and let’s find out…

Your ADHD and Should Statements

Sure, everyone makes mistakes.

But, if you are like many other adults with ADHD, you may feel like you often miss the mark.

And, as a result of a life time of perceived mistakes, you might feel a sense of shame. So, in an effort to prove yourself and counter this feeling, you may take on too much.

For example, you think you should:

take on projects at work without question even though your plate is already over flowing.

volunteer when asked before you even figure out if you have time to fulfill the requirements.

undertake a home project even though you are not sure you really know how to do it.

Then, when you become overwhelmed because you have too much on your plate, you may resist doing the task and even completely shut down.

Subsequently, you likely feel guilty, frustrated and even more ashamed because you are not following through on your commitments.

You may even get angry, frustrated and resentful at the person who asked you to do the task, leading you to act in ways that are out of integrity with how you want to be.

And this is all because you are adhering to rules about how you need to behave even though these rules are not serving you.

Sound familiar?

The alternative is to closely examine your shoulds, and decide where you are willing to break your rules about what tasks you need to do yourself.

I’m the Only One Who Can Do This!

You can start by asking yourself, “Is this a task only I can do?” But, just a heads up, you may find it is not easy to come up with a definitive answer.

Because you have thoughts swirling about in your head, like the ones below.

1.“If I give it to ­­­________, he/she won’t do itthe way I want.”

Part of your reluctance to delegate in cases like this is you might not want to take the time necessary to explain what you want so they can meet your expectations. It might help to consider how the upfront investment of time will save you time in the long run.

Even after a thorough explanation the person might not do it exactly the way you want. Ask yourself, “Can I let go of my expectations a bit and accept the finished product as good enough?”

2. “It is just easier to do it myself.”

This is definitely a common refrain I hear from clients.

In part this is true because, as an Adult with ADHD, you may be prone to think about the here and now, the short run. And, in the short run, it really might be easier to do a particular task yourself.

So, when you find yourself thinking, “It is just easier to do it myself,” try thinking of the consequences in the long run. Might it be easier down the road, in the long run, if the task was off your plate?

3. “I’ll just have to do it over, if I ask ______ to do it.”

Of course, you definitely need to give the task to the “right” person, as well as take the time to make sure they know what you expect.

And, while follow-up may not be your strong suit, you may also need to have check-ins at agreed upon intervals to make sure they are on track.

Again, if the person does not do it exactly the way you want, you will need to decide whether it is good enough. Good enough is sometimes perfect, right?

4. “It is too late to give to anyone else.”

I also hear this a lot in my initial meetings with clients.

You may also find you are doing projects on your own because you do not plan well enough to hand off parts of your projects to someone else.

You can fix this.

While not an easy solution, for sure, the key is to get support so you can learn how to plan better in order to have other people help you with your tasks at home or work. You probably knew that…

What Do I Take Off My Plate?

Even if someone else could conceivably do a task for you, you may still wonder, “How do I decide which tasks to offload?”

Here are some possible answers:

1.As an adult with ADHD you know it is much easier to follow through on tasks that interest you. So, of course, the more of these you can have on your plate the better. And whenever possible have someone else do tasks that do not interest you.

2. Since emotional regulation can also be a challenge for adults with ADHD, another time when you might consider passing along a task to someone else is when you find it particularly frustrating.

3. Sometimes you may want to do a task because it interest you, even though someoneelse could perhaps do it more efficiently or effectively. You may also want to consider handing off these tasks, if you have too many other tasks on your plate only you can do.

4. Of course, if you just don’t have time for as task, even though you could do it just fine, you may want to find someone else to do it.

When else do you take tasks off your plate?

Who Else Can Do This?

How do you find someone else to do task you don’t want to do, but need to get done. That is the $64, 000 question! And not always an easy one to answer.

It depends on the context.

1.If it is a work related task and there are people available to support you, you may be able to delegate some of your work.

2. Other times, whether a home or work task, you may decide it is best to hire someone to do it.

3. Then at times you may need to negotiate. That is, you can ask someone, like your spouse or work partner, to do a task you don’t want to do. And you can take on another task in return. Alternatively, the outcome of your negotiations may be you do the task together.

4. Another option is to barter your services in return for help with something you can’t or do not want to do.

I've never felt as hopeful as I am now. Marla's reassuring voice and straightforward manner helped me to internalize a consistent approach to each problem.
Before I was frazzled, couldn't do what I needed to do and felt like a fraud professionally. When things weren't working before I saw it as a personal failing. We figured out what I needed to do. And now stuff is not falling through my fingers and I'm not surprised by things that come up professionally.
Every accomplishment felt reinforcing. I remind myself when I have organizational challenges now that it is my neurobiology, not me! I don't see myself as defective and am not ashamed anymore. I just think about the next step I need to do to figure it out.

— Deborah, Psychologist

Marla has an excellent understanding of ADHD and a great knowledge base of related topics. She was able to expertly guide me through decisions I needed to make and helped me tackle big and small things I needed to do.
Knowing I had adhd was only 25% of the battle for me. I’m so glad that I chose to stay committed to coaching. Now that I have more self awareness about myself and my adhd I trust myself to get what I need done. I don’t try to do too much anymore and when I’ve done all I can on my own I’m more willing to reach out for support. My production is way higher than I expected, but I’m also way less stressed and that makes it easier on a personal level at home too.

— A.V., Vice President - Investment Sales

What I gained from working with Marla was invaluable. Marla was consistently supportive, positive and uncritical. I learned to honor the way I work best, and am more accepting of my ADD and other characteristics. Now I ask myself, how can I get what I need to get done without running against my own personality? After learning more about ADD from Marla, I don’t think of my challenges as a personal weakness. This change in my thinking allows me to better handle my challenges by thinking of strategies to manage them, rather than engaging in self blame!
Yes, cost was definitely a factor when I decided to work with Marla, but I knew that this is what good professionals charge. Being able to make choicesthat are rightfor me and learn strategiesthat last a life timeis invaluableto me. The investment was certainly worth it.
From working with Marla, I learned a lot about goal setting, meeting objectives, and doing that as a person with ADD.
If you are stuck or frustrated, I would certainly hire Marla as a coach.

— C.O., Financial Manager

Before working with Marla I got by by winging it but I was not keeping up with the flow of information and I wasn’t managing my time productively. I was often reactive and overwhelmed. I didn’t even think I could be productive…
Identifying where and why I was having struggles and having a person to help me through those was the most helpful. Marla is non-judgemental so when something didn’t go as expected, I felt OK talking to her about it and exploring different options to try. She is a very good listener and is able to give helpful insights and suggestions. I truly enjoy our conversations.
The outcome that I appreciate the most is that I feel more in control. Before there was always something I was forgetting to do or follow-up on. Now I think I have much better handle on things. Also, I am able to focus more time on longer term projects so they don’t become a complete crisis when getting close to the due dates. This has eliminated the last minute rush that used to happen all the time. I am also just calmer.
When I started to work with Marla I was at a point in my life that I was not satisfied with how my life was going. I wish I had done this earlier!

— M.P., Controller

Coaching with Marla was very useful, and also essential. I do not know what I would have done w/o the Sunday night periods of going over the past week, looking forward to the next week, and making a plan. The actual phone check ins on Tuesdays…crucial, to help me get clear, as well as for the simple act of accountability.
Marla served as a focal point (as in, ‘oh, yeah, this was what I was doing’), and–at times–as an anchor that grounded things. I can not imagine having had to go through the past 6 months w.o. someone ‘outside’ me, and my life, to help me stay the course.
Now, I feel more confident in my abilities, in what I have to offer. I realize I do have options. How freeing! Lastly, but certainly not least, I have a very, very clear sense of my values, and I am using those to guide me, and that helps me to trust in my course.

— Cindy R., Writer and Editor

I have a lot more peace of mind, less stress, much less anxiety… I feel that we make progress in every session and always feel more confident that I am learning skills that will help me personally and professionally.
I particularly like that I do not feel ashamed when I talk about areas I want to improve. Understanding that I wasn’t broken, and just think about things differently was key. Trying to learn the way non-ADHD people learn was a mistake I have repeated my whole life.
I now know what the best environment is for me and can recognize distractions and noise immediately.
I am now able to have way more confidence to let go of the recurring thoughts about tasks, because I have tools that remember for me. I drop a lot less balls. In fact, typically, if I don’t do something now, it’s because I consciously lowered it on my priority list. I couldn’t do that very well before. I used to just shut down and drop everything because the stress was so great. That never happens anymore.
Thanks again for all your help. Your coaching was probably the best investment I've ever made in me!

— T.D., Sales Professional

Together we identified obstacles that were preventing me from truly going after the job that I would be happiest in. I’m balancing a full workload (I currently have 4 part-time jobs), graduate school, and 15-20 hours of training as a competitive cyclist. For a few years, I was having trouble committing myself to finding a new job and this was, in turn, making it difficult for me to work toward my graduate degree. I recently overcame a major hurdle in my progress toward my degree and am in touch with an increasing pool of potential employers.
Marla is a time management guru, to be sure, but her most unique skill is her ability to ask questions that help me to step outside of myself for a moment and take a hard look at my motivations and decision making processes. Her questions have helped me to become more independently active in that I now know how to ask myself the kinds of questions that Marla might ask me. Without Marla’s help, I probably would not be as far along in my job search as I am now and would still be far from finishing my degree. Thanks, Marla!

— Paul D., PhD Candidate / High-School Teacher

Through our workI clarified my goals, identified communication issues, fuzzy planning and established personal accountability. In working with Marla, I received practical organizing and planning techniques, inspiration and empowering suggestions. Marla helped me work with each issue as developing life skills and emphasized personal responsibility. Marla is an excellent coach and compassionate, encouraging mirror. I recommend her without any reservations.

— Fred B., Business Consultant

The coaching worked so well because it was tailored just for me - not a cookie cutter type of experience. It was exactly what I needed! We identified and worked on my concerns - got at the root cause and figured out what I could do to make it better. I proved I am capable of growth and change.
For one, my communication has improved through the different departments and with my own team. My email and task organization are better, too. I have more tools at my disposal to help with my organization which helps me feel more calm and settled, even when things start to get hectic at work.
I have tried to be perfect for too long and it was causing me to focus on the wrong areas... I stopped thinking it is always my fault and I've started to develop a thicker skin when I do make a mistake. I can move on more quickly and stay focused on the current tasks instead of worrying unnecessarily.
I am more confident in my abilities and I have learned how to stop worrying as often about things outside of my control.
Marla did a wonderful job with everything. Everything we worked on I made improvements in!

— E.A., Human Resource Manager

Marla has been tremendously helpful in keeping me “on track” with important and complex projects during a time when I cannot afford to get lost.
At the same time, she is helping me realize that while avocational goals are important, so too are relationships and personal fairness. In our last meeting, Marla helped me begin to tackle a lifelong misapprehension of time and how to gain control of it.
More important than problems solved is my greater confidence in addressing problems and trying to solve them, rather than simply quitting because no resolution is apparent.
Marla offers a non-judgemental, objective appreciation for the large and small difficulties and success that are not apparent to myself, and a way to order these things so that they can be confronted and appreciated, respectively.
She has helped me see what appear to be insurmountable problems as just small impediments. Specifically, she has goaded me into making phone calls to people that I didn’t think would want to hear from me, and to do everything to keep communications channels open.
She has also helped me by keeping a focus on the challenge I feel in organizing and constantly reviewing how to strike a balance between letting my schedule get out of control and focusing too intently on it and thus losing track of the bigger picture.

— Josh D., Professional Writer and Editor

Marla’s support was critical in reducing anxiety after receiving the diagnosis of ADD. She imparts information in a warm, impartial, professional manner. Marla is always on your side and willing to work at your pace. At the same time, she challenges you to think about your daily decisions and how they impact your life, and your options for change, should you desire it. Marla helps you identify, prioritize, and focus on weaknesses in a nonjudgmental way and plants the seeds of ideas for you to follow up on, either immediately, or in the future when you’re ready. Above all, she compliments your strengths.

— Jane F., Parent

...while working with Marla, I have been able to move into a career that I have always wanted to be in. I spent many years with undiagnosed ADD not knowing why I had such difficulty with staying focused, starting projects and having difficulty finishing them, unable to prioritize what I needed to do in my life, and many of the other symptoms. I finally sought help through a physician who recommended taking medication. It was also suggested I find an ADD coach to help me re-learn new ways of managing my ADD. I contacted Marla, and after the first conversation I felt comfortable enough to give the coaching a try.
After a few sessions working with Marla, she was able to help me start developing the goals and tools I needed to start clearing the clutter in my life. Today using the different techniques that I have learned while working with Marla, I manage my time more efficiently, and complete projects to the end. It is good to know that you do not need to make the journey alone with ADD. I look forward to working with Marla now and in the future.

— Chris E., Support Analyst

Marla was my second coach. The first one did not really help me, so I was kind of skeptical.
Marla’s help was astonishing. After only a few calls she seemed to have me figured out pretty well.
She called me on empty promises, pushed me just enough never too much, and together we came up with tools that actually work and which I actually use. She has an uncanny ability to know how far she can push me without ticking me off. Thanks to that I never felt pressure to lie about or excuse what I had done or how I was doing.
After living with ADD for many years I started believing that I was lazy, stupid, and crazy. Marla was able to convince me that I was none of these by helping me solve small issues and get a track record of success. Once those things were accomplished, many of the pieces sort of fell in to place.