Thursday, July 17, 2008

Digging Deep: Turning a Positive Into a Positive

Like many of you, I was deeply troubled by Riccardo Ricco's positive test result. But unlike the rest of the cycling media, instead of sitting back and waiting for answers from the team and from the Tour organizers I've taken it upon myself to launch an independent investigation into the affair. My sincere hope is that by understanding what has happened we can put the Cobra Clutch on doping. And I'm pleased to report that in less than 24 hours I've uncovered some vital information.

Firstly, no criminal acts alone, and in this case it seems Ricco may have had help from his bike supplier. As one commenter already pointed out, Ricco rides a Scott Addict Ltd. Just like a human addict, the Scott Addict is scary-light and will also suck the money right out of your wallet, and Scott even has the audacity to acknowledge on its own website that the Addict is "the lightest road frame in the world." This of course means that every other frame in the peloton is heavier, which would give Ricco an unfair and unethical advantage. Furthermore, the Addict is riddled with stuff like "IMP" and "CR1." Scott are keeping mum as to exactly what IMP is, saying only that it's a "top secret process." My guess is it's simply a newer version of CR1, and as such is the CERA to CR1's EPO. And if all this weren't enough, Ricco's bike even has a picture of a cobra on it. Come on--it might as well have a jet engine attached to the chainstay! They didn't even try to cover it. This is unfair and simply has to stop. We can no longer have a peloton riding at two speeds. I say either everybody gets cobras on their bikes, or nobody does.

Sure, I'd expect this sort of thing from a professional bike rider, but if we can't look to a personal injury lawyer as a paradigm of virtue and propriety then what hope is there?

Finally, most troubling of all is this YouTube video, which someone posted in the comments today over at NYVelocity:

I'm not sure how relevant this is to the Ricco situation in particular, nor do I understand any of the lyrics, but it's troubling nonetheless.

Fortunately, there is hope. While professional cycling may be a rolling chemistry lab, it seems that bicycles can be used to combat drug use as well:

Yes, according to today's Times, Seattle is getting rid of its automated toilets, which have become havens for drug use and prostitution, and it appears from this picture that cops on bicycles have been employed to aid in the cleanup. If you're wondering just how bad these toilets have become, this should give you some idea:

“I’m not going to lie: I used to smoke crack in there,” said one homeless woman, Veronyka Cordner, nodding toward the toilet behind Pike Place Market. “But I won’t even go inside that thing now. It’s disgusting.”

Yes, I think it's safe to say that when a bathroom is no longer fit to smoke crack in that it's time to get rid of it, and I'm just glad that bikes are helping. Also, according to the article the city has put the restrooms on eBay, with starting bids of $89,000 apiece. Maybe Ricco should buy one. It seems like a perfect place to inject his CERA while he prepares to dominate next year's Etape.

You know I miss it, but now being 4 hrs east of you in L'ville, I get my fair share of the Soggies. Oddly, the high humidity seems to make the leg hair grow back faster. Have you noticed this phenom in StL? Even more alarming is that empty lung sensation that comes with mass intake of water-enriched air. Gotta love the 38th Lat.

LOL. Now that you mention it, I did notice this morning that my legs are already a little stubbly & I just shaved yesterday. Not to be too ewwww, but also noticing the non-stop runny nose...its like riding & running in a humidifier. Good times.

In regard to the humidity-induced leg hair growth rate, would the endorphin release that comes from leg waxing mess up my hemocrit level? Wouldn't want an unfair advantage over the cars and buses or anything. Their drivers do have the advantage of AC, smoking, and gratuitous cell phone use after all.

When I have a little pump strike (I feel drained)Bicycle (pump)I stop beside a fieldOpium poppy (field)So I extract from my bottleneckof EPOAn good old medicineAnd when comes the end of the stage,I'm hailed as a hero.Bravo, BravoThe champaign, I don't give a damn about it.I prefer my EPO.

1,2,3EPO te quieroThanks to you , I'll be "numero uno"EPO te quieroThanks to you, I'll have the nicest of the jerseys.

Your attention ! Everyone saddles on !Each morning, with EPO, get a leg up.A product of ours the whole world envy.For you and your bicycle, EPO is what you need.Thanks to you my EPO.

EPO te quieroThanks to you , I'll be "numero uno"EPO te quieroThanks to you, I'll have the nicest of the jerseys.

When can we have the "all doping" Tour de France? I really don't care whether these elite athletes risk their health to reach their chemically-altered peak. This is entertainment. They assume the risks involved, and should be allowed to use whatever is going to make them better. I mean, where do you draw the line? The olympic swimmer Dara Torres gets hours of massage (from a special team) everyday because she can AFFORD it. How much better could the other swimmers be if they had the same treatment? C'mon, if multi-billion dollar corporations are sponsoring sport, the sky's the limit. After all, nobody says "car racing is dangerous" and thereby illegal. Walking across the street is dangerous, (but it isn't a multi-billion dollar industry with corporate sponsors...) I believe Rico would rather win the tour and die at 30 than finish 132, and die at 70. Make him watch a film detailing the risks, and sign a waiver... VOILA!!

really... what i wonder about is what are we to make of heroes gone by like Jacques Anquetil... who not only openly admitted to doping but dare I say drank more wine than me even... and even Coppi... still immortalized ... who had his own opinions about the possibility of riding clean and had a penchant for amphetamines... these are cyclings greatest, most worshipped men ... and open dopers... so now that we still adore these cyclists, do we really want a clean sport and vice versa?Will anyone not on two wheels outside of France ever recognize Jeannie Longo's name? Or any other woman in cycling ...

thank goodness for the great car bicycle public transportation race won by Jamie this year as a giant leap forward in publicity for womens cycling.....

Sponsored Linkway:

About Me

While I love cycling and embrace it in all its forms, I'm also extremely critical. So I present to you my venting for your amusement and betterment. No offense meant to the critiqued. Always keep riding!