Wednesday, March 30, 2016

On the drive home from work, Ross asked me what I would like from him? (He can give me things I would like).

I thought about it.

At first I said 'I would like to see you dressed up as handsome as you get, and just SEE!'

He clarified--my style handsome here, or yours there?

I said, 'both! as long as it's not funny looking here...' and smiled.

But then I thought about it a little more.

What I REALLY want is for people to UNDERSTAND about our relationship. It's long-distance ; ) ...it's actually across dimensions. It's soul to soul. But for me down here, that kind of sucks. People just don't get it. So I asked if people could see him with me--in 3D--enough so they would understand, and that people would see my Light Body with him up where he is, so we would be a 'couple' everywhere we go.

I told him how I can't even mention it about us, because people would think I'm cuckoo...they wouldn't give me credit for being the gifted medium I am, and being able to access my Twin Flame on The Other Side (or who 'resides in the spirit realm' as it was said earlier today by John Smallman.original article here)

Ross was very interested in this, and even back a few hours ago, encouraged me to write.

He promises to do what he can on his side to help with this perception...and to wait and watch for his results.

(I took a little detour. I picked up Anthony and we drove to San Juan Capistrano just to enjoy the flowers and a little tea. It was our Easter and Spring Break all in a few hours. My work schedule sort of takes the fun out of our time. I feel so much happier and rested. There were many iceberg roses in bloom, and the lighting was just right to accentuate them. I took many pictures I will share later.)

Doctor's Day
Today is Doctor's Day. Don't get me wrong--I know my place! Both nurses and surgical technologists have a WEEK! But the hospital was good to us, and gave us a nice party along with small gifts.

I was looking forward to this event like a kid! It happens every year.

I want to talk about my expectations, what I experienced, and how I handled it.

The theme was nautical.

It was clear people had put a lot of time and effort into it--to show us love and gratitude.

In some ways, the execution of the planning fell short.

This is a very Galactic protocol type situation where everyone's ideas of 'nice' do not 'match' and yet the intention is appreciated...the rest is 'allowed to be ignored'.
I also admit that perhaps I am 'old school' now, and more 'modern' forms of 'nice' just don't make sense to me.

I wanted a nice dessert.

What was offered were cupcakes, and a 'candy bar' where you scoop candies into a little bag to take home.

To me, candy is not food. I know it's popular to have one of these features at a wedding or shower. But I don't like them. The malted milk ball I ate is one of the things I grew up on in the blue collar part of town where I lived, and is one of the unhealthiest things ever! Perhaps that is the appeal?

The centerpieces were not flowers. They were succulents glued to long pieces of driftwood. They were a little to big and twisted for the tables, and took it over. It was not harmonious or streamlined like the theme of nautical would be.

The food was prepared by the hospital food service--the clam bake items were overcooked, and the clam chowder in a bread bowl just seemed not to match the 'surf and turf' offered.

None of this MATTERS!
It is only my perception!

This is what the hospital staff decided to prepare for us, to offer with their hard work, their money, and their hearts.

I REALLY loved the beach tote with the beach towel gift they had for us. That one really WAS 'nice'!

The moral of the story is when someone shares with you what they consider to be 'nice', honor the source a little MORE, honor the gesture...and consider 'taste' and 'expectation' a little LESS--because we all want to get along together, and sometimes people are trying as they know how and have the resources to do.
When we start mixing--openly--as who we truly are--Starseeds, Indigos, Sirians, Pleiadians, Arturians and the rest---always remember that we ARE 'different' and from different cultures. So look PAST the situation at hand, and into the 'thought that counts' behind it.

This is the foundation for Universal Peace, in a nutshell <3

And in wanting to share our common bond, enjoy our newly reacquainted relationships, and foster goodwill --and get off to a good start!--this is the most important part of all!!!

Ross
We are on the horizon to new life. It's like when you see land after being on the boat to cross the ocean. Even on an airplane set to land, once you set sight of The Statue Of Liberty--a surge of excitement begins in you!

You are really here!

This is where we are at in this Now moment.

We are on the threshold of what is to arrive.

I want to talk about this statue.

What is its purpose? How was she built? Did you know Carla saw little upside down stars in the rocks under it? They are on the wall. There are many hidden symbols and purposes, both magickal, and not so Divine--in this whole 'ball of wax'.

Does it matter?

Which matters more, the thousands of millions of humans including Carla's mother who arrived from Italy by boat and went through Ellis Island who love her? Or the few who designed it for 'alternate purposes' which are 'hidden' from the general knowledge?

(he pauses--ed)

It is the heart (hand in fist, taps his chest--ed).

It is what is in alignment with Nature and the will of God (which is to hold Love at all possible times)--that ultimately overrules the rest.

So when, like Carla, you see a building with lots of pyramids all over it and the signs of ''Those Who Do Not Have Our Best Interest At Heart--The Other Team'--smile! Because like Carla, you know they are not the winners that they believe themselves to be. They are slipping.

It will pass. All of what they worked so hard to achieve is crumbling and in tatters!

Even the most lowly and heinous is worthy of our Love, for they are our brother and sister. They might bite! They might hurt you! But I want you to think of them as souls in need of a Rescue Organization (pats the deck of his ship--ed) and I have just the teams who know how to take care of them! So when you see an injured marine mammal washed ashore upon the beach, you would know not to touch it and to call the experts, is that correct?

So NEXT TIME you see evidence of Those Who Do Not Have Our Best Interest At Heart, do not judge or incriminate--simply pick up the telepathic 'phone' (he points to both sides of his head--ed) and call us! We are the experts and simply allow us to do what is best for these injured beings who are 'burnt' somewhat by 'life in 3D' or the 'third dimensional experience'.

Tuesday, March 29, 2016

Last night while I was meditating, Archangel Michael came through to my Consciousness. I see him, and I talk with him on occasion. I selected this image of this sculpture, because it carries his essence, his 'bearing', and is very close to his face.

I asked him, humbly, from my heart, 'Michael? What IS this 'joy' that you so often talk about? The one after Ascension--is it YOUR joy, or OUR joy--as far as joy can be experience? What is it like? How come they never send us any of it down here?'

For one nanosecond, Michael let me feel it.

Now I know.

All the pain in the body goes away. You know the little aches and pains, and the not so little ones? You don't feel them at all.

Also, all worry disappears. Everything seems harmonious and 'right'. It's like everything will take care of itself and you have all the time in the world to manage it.

It feels warm and nurturing, but not overbearing.

In short, it feels Very Nice!

And I blurted out to Michael, 'How can you guys accomplish ANYTHING when you are ON this?!'

He smiled.

I've felt it at random moments through the day.

I had one case that was full court-press...I had my big guns helping me...I was very concerned about the outcome for this patient. And it was complete in half the time, with grace and ease, including arterial line and venous access.

Our association says the insurance denied my claim--theirs--it's 'settling' and 'no insurance anywhere would cover that'. So it looks like it's just 'patch and paint'. This is a relief. I need to check with my lawyer just to be sure...It's good to know many realtors live in my neighborhood and are on the board. They couldn't sell houses if they were broken, you know?

I was REALLY surprised at how the board did a 180 degree turn on so many issues. There is respect for the homeowner, and also, some 'footwork' done for different projects I've seen done. They were even chewing out the gardener company for trimming the pepper trees during hummingbird mating and nesting season!

One board member, Donna, says, 'by the time this project is done I'll be dead first' and it's so funny because who knows? Her age or her disease--she was smiling and we all laughed at 'her line'.

I see repairs coming along for woodwork and stucco that are long overdue.

I made sure to thank them for coming to see my house. That they inspected the damage made me feel much better, and there was no way I could make the call.

I'll still look for moisture, and do repairs...but I'm glad things are shaping up.

Thoughts From A Former Kitten
I have to be honest with you. I've been dealing with this one for a long time. You've been there with me, watching me heal.

It started with the friend who sent me way too many photos of her cats.

She loves them.

They are her family.

She had no clue or comprehension they made me uncomfortable.

In fact, they were triggering me. It's not my allergies, which are severe in themselves. It's the old tapes, the old programming, that, like a Monarch larvae and butterfly--my soul remembers from one generation to the next.

So I got up my courage and said, here in this 'forum'--'NO CATS PLEASE'.

But it didn't stop, those feelings of discomfort in my soul.

Then my teams put the squeezers on me. The pressure built and built, and I got more and more cranky.

It came to a head recently..the last two blog posts.

Now it's gone.

I am my own person.

It's hard to explain, but when you have been through such training--either straight old-school Essene tradition (it's in my blood, I inherited it, as did Ross)--or the Monarch programming--the soul learns habits that might not apply to modern life, and certainly, not to happiness. Both extremes mix spirit and sex. One is for the Light. The other is for what they call 'Light' but I call 'Fake Light' (Illuminati, etc).

When you are in either case, you are taught it is good to behave a certain way. And you do.

You feel incomplete without the structure of your 'organization'.

I'll never forget the first time at age almost forty--I walked into a sex shop with a ballet friend who couldn't believe I had never been in one of those places. I saw this room with bondage stuff, and instantly I felt at home.

I'm embarrassed to admit it, but it's true.

In those times I wondered why no one was interested in that kind of thing but me?

It was my kitten. I had been good at it. And just like the future Dalai Lama reincarnates and remembers his favorite bowl and gets picked--I remembered...well..

It took rejection by boyfriends and partners to get me OUT of that mindset in THIS current lifetime. At least, just uncomfortable enough to be able to change--once that squeeze was set.

I had to change from being told what to do all the time, and only exercising THAT part of my soul--to being independent.

As a soul.

Standing on my own two feet, and not fighting some urge to be a velcro attachment to Ross all the time.

No one can live like that. Not in any dimension.

Those feelings are gone.

And by my not feeling the need to be so romantic all the time (you need constant reinforcement when you have been through that)--just for today--a new side of Ross has emerged, his sweetness. His playfulness. His kindness. And his interest in me!

So whether I am going to share him with the world--or what--I know deep in my soul he really likes me.

it's so hard to explain, but all of my life experiences somehow lead up to this moment that I write to you now.

It is my hope it continues with Grace and Ease the whole way through.

Ross
Carla has earned her stripes!

This heart flower design is for a tattoo.

I don't have any except the one over my heart that says Carla. It is a spirit tattoo, and doesn't hurt one bit. Carla has my name inscribed over her heart.

But an EARTHLY tattoo is not a simple undertaking!

To get it, one has to sit, and take the needle going up and down into their skin, and endure it.

Then, even after, it's not as it's meant to be. There is healing--a scab will form, and one has to keep mind for infection.

Only after all this is it to be worn with pride and happiness!

It takes a long time.

On a lifetime--the time to decide and get and complete and heal a tattoo is a very short span of time duration.

But that is to US, how all of your many different lifetimes and incarnations appear: painful, yet 'worth it' for a 'result', if you will.

Carla is beginning to see the fruits of her efforts at self-clearing, of listening to her emotions and her heart, and for being true to her soul.

So will you.

I also wish to take a very special time to invite you to join me in sharing birthday wishes to my mother, who in this incarnation is named Isabel Henn. The one that bore me, and also, her Higher Self, are in her at this time, (makes fingers walk gesture--ed) who is busy walking upon the earth, on Mother Gaia, who is HER daughter as well, and who loves her with all her heart, as do I with mine.

So mother! Happy Birthday! We hope you enjoy all the attention you will be given, from both sides, Heaven and Earth!

Monday, March 28, 2016

Control issues run strong in my family. As we were driving home from my mother's house, Anthony was asking me why so and so is like this? And why does someone else act like that?

I realized as the words were coming out of my mouth about their having control issues, that THIS is the root of my conflict now with Heaven and the Galactics and the Ascension process in general.

Ascension IS not something we can control. We can hasten it, or we can delay it, but the actual process itself is out of our 'planning'.

And for MY Ascension, I am being led down the path I describe as 'when nothing is left but God'...

I learned this one from Linda, who has family and financial issues, but still manages to keep one foot in front of the other, and stay focused on Spirit and her meditation and her Reiki. I thought about her and remarked to myself, 'wow! There's like, nothing left, and she STILL chooses to love her family and nature and others!'...

My plans are being ripped from me one after another, and I am constantly being forced into an off-balance, uncomfortable position. Everything I WANT evaporates before my eyes. And instead I am given what I NEED to grow.

The last three plans I had to visit with my extended family--which is a feat in itself to coordinate our schedules--I had to back out at the last minute.

It made me sad.

This time, as Anthony threw up all over the floor in my mom's living room, and I was on my hands and knees in the middle of the stench cleaning it up, I realized with two immunocompromised family members he was contagious (he had myalgias--muscle aches--and a stiff spot on his neck the day before) and I would have to cancel Easter.

I had to work.

But I was horrified how mom got exposed. And I had no backup plan for someone to watch Anthony.

Mom is a real pro, and knew just how to handle it, and calmed me down. She wasn't afraid of his germs.

At six in the morning I was at the grocery store, running around like I was on some game show or something, buying up Gatorade and crackers and ginger ale...so I could bring it home to mom, and then not be late for my first case at seven in the morning.

I carried so much stuff up and down the front steps from the car. And again, I literally RAN my way in to work. I even forgot my eyeglasses in the car. I couldn't see.

I worked twelve hours straight. With the sickest of the sick and three would have been dead had we not operated on them that day. (just for the record, I got the glasses before my second case...it's the computer I have trouble seeing, it's blurry, but I can function...)

What I wanted was this--either for me or for Anthony...

What I get is the opposite--lots of people who need my services. With slow teams who aren't that helpful in the O.R. My technician is not there on weekends and holidays. So I have to go get all my specialty equipment and set it up myself.

My Reiki student Kelsey was spot-on. I thought of things I wanted or needed, and BOOM she was on it, even the banh mi sandwich I wanted from across the street. I thought it and she came in and asked if I wanted anything because the nurses were making a food run to the exact place I had been thinking!
I was just glad I had split the call to two days, back to back, and had the night to sleep.

Anthony's stomach is better.

I'm not.

I'm badly shaken.

Here's why.

I'm realizing what it takes to be Mrs. Ross.

I don't like it.

I don't like ANY of it.

Because MY dream might not be HIS dream, and there are a lot of people who are involved besides just him and me.

MY dream is to become the velcro Twin and never leave his side, on a perpetual honeymoon until I myself am ready or healed and able to venture out to my next steps as an Ascended person.

I get the feeling much as he likes me, he is going to keep doing his job, and the only reason I seem to exist is because I bring him joy.

I'm not able to stand on my own two feet with this one, does that make sense?

Just like with home, where I wanted a Happy Easter, I got quiet time at mom's, just being with her and Anthony and watching the ten commandments like always. I got the nurturing of being in my childhood home, seeing the garden, and being close to my mother I love with all my heart. I am grateful for the talk and time I got to spend with her.

Ross bought me a beautiful crystal. I had auctioned for it. And while I was in the O.R., I saw the last few minutes of the auction. He told me it was for my being such a good sport. He was REALLY happy to give it to me, and had told me in advance in those last few minutes that I would win the auction.

So here I am with this guy, this Twin, who is thoughtful and caring and everything I ever dreamed I could be with...and everybody who is alive on Earth today, or who has ever been, is able to recognize him, and possibly has some opinion about him too.

He is needed by so many more than me, and I am outnumbered and I can't get in their way of their relationship with him.

Am I a trophy wife? I'd hate to think I went to medical school and worked so hard on my Ascension to only be 'the little woman' who 'stands behind her man'.

It seems shallow and a waste of my gifts.

If that is what I am asked to do, I will then do it with all my heart no questions asked.

I see now I get the little piece. The Universe gets the bigger piece of my man. Most likely in both situations--inside the Illusion, the Matrix, and outside of it too.

He's not going to stop going to his Councils.

He's not going to stop growing as a soul.

He's got a price tag on his head because EVERYONE wants him!

Then there's me.

What am I?

I bring him joy...

They are trying very hard in Spirit to get me comfortable being on my own, my own person, my soul. Last night as I was falling asleep, it was as if I was a puppy and Ross was teaching my spirit to go with him a little ways and then STAY.

I didn't like it, being told where to go, and when to sit. Even if it was to be given a surprise.

So I went to Divine Father's office, and sat on my little pillow on the floor, and just soaked in His Presence.

Divine Father explained to Ross (he is learning!) how to take care of me, I have to have the freedom of access, to be able to follow my own needs as a soul, to spend time with him as I want, no questions asked. I can't be on a 'feeding schedule' for my spiritual growth.

Later, Archangel Michael came in, and asked me questions. I forget them, but there were two and I answered them the best I could.

I'm stuck between dimensions. I'm not really enjoying life in 5D. I can't stay in 3D, it's uncomfortable too.

From what I see of it, Heaven and life in 5D is NOT like an episode on Home and Garden TV network. It's no overhaul to my dream set of living conditions.

And as I watch from afar, I see ahead of me a great big MESS--because for one person, their heaven is getting all of their debt erased and being 'rich'. For another, it's having perfect health. For some like me, it's the dream of being no longer lonely, and uniting with their Twin...

Just as we co-create our current reality together--like it or not--what is this Heaven going to look like? Is it going to be a free-for-all with everyone scrambling in the higher energies?

I have to share one 'growth' story that actually made me somewhat irked to read it. I grew up with another Linda. This was was a Holy Roller. I did mediumship for her with a message or two from her dead gay son. Linda told me it was the devil and never to talk to her of it again. I sent her flowers every anniversary of Ryan's death for ten years. I spent seventy dollars each time. Just to show her I'm okay. Not only are gay people okay and not going to hurt her (Ryan's death proved her that) but psychic ones are okay and not going to hurt her too. So for Easter she makes some announcement on FB that 'she realizes now God isn't the narrow-minded one she had worshiped for thirty years, but is actually able to love just about everything and everybody' (but I still think she thinks psychics are the devil, really, I do.)

I know God and the Angels are rejoicing whenever someone 'grows' in Consciousness like that.

I'm not.

I'm annoyed and disappointed in her for taking so long to realize it, and for hurting SO many many many people in her spiritual ignorance and hate, including her dead gay son who she sent to one of those 'change your orientation' Christian camps when he was a teen.

This is where I admit I am not God, I don't see the big picture, and from where I sit it's like 'big whoop de doo' for such 'revelations'. Instead I think what a total waste of time for everyone involved to wait until this princess here who has been dragging her feet finally figures it out what the rest of us have known all this time!!!

It is I who have lots of growing to do, to get to be like Ross, where I am loving and politically correct 24/7, an 'ambassador of Heaven' who won't roll my eyes over things I think are totally ridiculous.

What kind of future do I have with a life of Ross? I am not him. Not in any way, shape or form. I did my best not to get angry yesterday at work, when I certainly could have--every stupid thing that could tangle or break DID. It was like I was on candid camera --someone was laughing their head off at my going through the booby traps and struggles as I worked. My patients did well, but it wasn't easy. So I've made progress. But I'm still nowhere close to where Ross is, even though he is my twin.

To be honest, I'm kind of freaked out about 5D. On top of the amnesia, which makes me feel at the mercy of something or someone in the first place, I have the very strong feeling I'm not going to be able to plan my days, relax, and enjoy the closeness with Ross I so long to feel...for all of my Heaven. Because from what I see, the needs of the many outweigh the few, or the one.

I feel like I am going to be the little cute fragrance tree on Ross' rear view mirror, as he goes about his commute through his heavenly existence, something that 'brings joy' but is more of an impulse and an afterthought than an equal partner and friend.

And I don't feel like I can compare to the joy he feels from the thousands of millions of billions of Linda's who 'figure things out after thirty years of struggling' and count on him as their 'superhero'.

I'm small potatoes.

I'm incarnate.

I can't fill out a form to save my life because my dimensions are so high.

I'm overworked.

No amount of meditation seems to change how much demand Spirit places on me to be in the right place at the right time--so much so that all my own plans disintegrate.

I am told by Creator to love the thorns as much as the roses--but I'm NEVER going to display a vase of thorns in my house! I like flowers because they are beautiful and smell sweet. I've had enough thorns!

My mom says she's at the point where she realizes for every joy she gets three sorrows immediately follow.

She's astute. She knows how it is with our lessons. The joys are just 'breathers'--it's never going to happen.

I hate to be such a stick in the mud about this. Or a Debby Downer. But I can't see me getting what I want, what I dream, not in this life, not in the one after this, or in the next, whether I am incarnate or in my Light Body.

I accept it.

And that's the biggest growth and lesson of all. And it's taken me fifty one years to reach. So go ahead with all the party favors and excitement over that one guys up there in Heaven. Carla finally accepts that she can't control, and she's not going to fight it. Big whoop de doo...whoopee...(and I still reserve the right to roll my eyes, even at myself, with this 'huge breakthrough')...

Ross
I have to share HER!

Carla doesn't know the half of things, what goes on up here.

Carla is depressed. Her world is closing in on her, fast. She's never going to have a horse, a dream she wanted as a child, with the hopes that if she worked hard she might one day have for herself her own stable with horses.

Carla doesn't have the strength to muck out a stall. Not anymore. That time and that energy has passed.

Carla doesn't have an ounce of fight left, she doesn't have the energy...and yet she is drowning in forms, in lawsuits, in a crumbling house...and having to say no to Anthony who wants fifty dollars for the upgrade on the video game, etc, etc...

She's tired.

And Carla doesn't want ME!

She doesn't.

It's too painful for her to see ME who I AM.

It was then, back in the day, and it is now.

How could I love her when I went traipsing all over the area with my group?

In my heart I did.

But when two people are in love, they speak two highly different 'love languages'. My love for her was in my heart...but I didn't take the time to build the relationship to what it could have been. I didn't take the time to SHOW IT to her.

Carla's kitten training is being untangled. From early on, a kitten, just like a priestess in our old Essene tradition--is taught to SERVE spirit by serving her man. All of her reason to exist is to please me. But people who have been programmed like this, and in her past life Carla was--it is never enough. The drive to be like velcro to another is overwhelming! All consuming! And never ever can be quenched!

The programming lifts (hence the 'stay' lesson) and it is as uncomfortable for me as it is for Carla! It is for me, because it makes Carla feel vulnerable and threatened, and I don't like for her to be like that. I want to shelter her in my loving arms. (finger goes up--ed) But not at this time.

Carla has made tremendous growth and progress, and I am most pleased with her, and also is all of Heaven.

Carla is making her baby steps...in her lessons...and they are right on schedule and according to plan.

Carla is guiding US with her openness and honesty and self-knowledge and introspection...in a way, just as I was the 'first' to Ascend, in my fashion, Carla is the guinea pig for letting us all know what it's like to be going through it at this particular time.

Carla's depression will lift. (puts his hand up over his eyes like a visor and scans the horizon as if 'seeing the future'--ed).

It is healing.
And THAT is what my little Carla does the best, better than anyone on earth, or here with us--not the best for HER personally, but the best in that she takes all of this growth and applies it to helping others in the way spirit asks her to guide...in humility...in kindness...in nurturing...and love.

When we are together there will be no smile wider than Carla's, when I am at her side, the place where I most long to be.

Saturday, March 26, 2016

That's what Divine Father let me know when I asked Him for some books to read, to help me pass the time while I wait for the suffering to finish on earth.

Explore your soul.

Well, today, I did.

I was cranky and upset at everything not going well in the O.R. for my first case. Lines tangled, iv's infiltrated on induction of anesthesia and I had to place a new one, the usual things that make for an anesthesiologist a 'bad day'.

I am a cranky person, if you get to know me...I always have been. I have moods.

The last three days have been miserable for me.

They say confusion is not being able to accept What Is.

But after my case, my resentment at having to work two weekends in a row and completely missing Easter eased. I spent time with my mom at her home. And with Anthony. We watched some tree house show together. I made Anthony some lunch.

I was happy.

My cup has not been filled for a long time. I need downtime, time with my loved ones, and time away from the hospital.

I took a nap on the sofa, and really appreciated not being called into the hospital for the rest of my shift (twelve hours).

While I was taking a nap, I surrendered to Divine Father.

He's been riding me hard. About forgiveness, about others having their own 'contract with the Universe'...

I don't want to love everybody.

I take exception to those who do not have our best interest at heart, especially thirty third level mason for what sacrifice they make to reach that level.

I take exception to those who mess with the ionosphere in HAARP.

I take exception to those who killed my beloved Ross.

As far as I am concerned I do not like them. I never want to be with them. And it is my hope that swift justice shall be dealt to them, as well as their never being allowed to interact with Gaia again.

I told Divine Father I want Earth from here on out to be the slowest learning ever and the most happy place--I am DONE with drama, suffering, pain as an educational tool, and I don't CARE if it has made Earth have the fastest soul development of anything in the galaxy.

I'm over it.

But I forgave.

I forgave the thirty third level masons who do human sacrifice.

I forgave those who masterminded the sacrifice of Ross.

I forgave those who pollute and destroy Gaia herself and her people with a vengeance.

I said, 'thank you God for the loneliness I have felt all my life'

Thank you for my not fitting in.

Thank you for my suffering one lifetime after the next.

Thank you for having Ross die the way he did. (I was told in no uncertain terms I had agreed to the whole deal in my pre-birth contract, and I can't back out and gripe about it so I shut up.)

Thank you for my broken dreams, each one more spectacularly broken than the next.

Thank you for my broken heart.

Thank you for my isolation from Home in Heaven, and for my being stuck where I am.

Mountains move when you take that approach of complete and total surrender, and mean it. I was like, 'God, I have no idea what you are doing, what your plan is, and I'm not going to wallow in the crap I see everywhere around me. I'm going to forgive it, and resolve to live my lonely life and struggle as YOU see fit.'

I felt much energy flow.

Later, much much later, when I was driving to Anthony's ball game, Divine Father came into my consciousness.

He apologized.

I understood, on a soul level, about his plan, and why, and why I and Ross had agreed to it in the first place. He understood, on a soul level, how much I gave to make it happen, and how I hurt.

I was grateful I saw Aimee, Tony--the parents of Cameron, someone who was on some of Anthony's basketball games. Aimee is a holy roller, and I love her. She and Tony met at a drug deal. They had both decided to overdose and kill themselves separately, and were caught off guard when they met. They both decided to live and have been together ever since!

I am glad God didn't let me lean on Ross and makes me stand on my own two feet. Why? Because being angry or upset is counterproductive.

I'm on my own, one hundred percent, as long as I am in the Illusion.

Mom shared today about how her father prepared her for life. He said 'you are responsible for your own happiness. Don't ask people for things, they will groan when they see you coming. Never ask anything of anybody. Don't try to fit in.'

She said how that helped her in hard times.

Even now, as she lost dad, she decides to enjoy the little things, a flower blooming, the sunshine, the birds singing.

She said, 'Life is beautiful'.

She's right.

With all the students in the School of Life here on Gaia, on 'independent study' and the absolute and total freedom to annihilate one another (and with the nuclear weapons the soul is almost destroyed for good--search and rescue teams spend ten thousand years at a pop trying to piece together the damaged bits to reconstruct each soul)...it is what it is.

God LIKES lots of experiences.

All the people in the Illusion provide just that.

I could see the crowd and the players at the basketball team with that perspective today. Everyone is like a little flight recorder going through their experiences with their own unique perspective.

I would like to have some say in what is permitted and what isn't, here on Earth.

It's not my call.

And I accept everything I ever agreed to in my Pre Birth Contract. I won't drop my end of the deal. I am in until they say its done.

For all the people who supposedly channel 'me'--who I was when I was with Ross incarnate--all they talk about is Love and Mystical and all this shit.

I'm not about that.

I keep it real.

I explore and I fall on my face and I cry and I learn and I do what is asked of me.

I would have loved and adored more time with my beloved when we were both alive.

It was not meant to be.

He's around. I don't really want to talk with him. The growing period this week has been too much, too painful.

I'd rather go drive to mom and watch the Ten Commandments with her and Anthony. I'll be on my way there soon after I check on the animals...our pets.

I love you and I thank you for your patience with me, the REAL me, who opens my heart and doesn't hide behind platitudes and the stuff those people 'channel'.

When it comes to the message from John Smallman, he is right. But it's sad. It's sad it has to come to this--total surrender, and loving that which is really icky to love. Not just your broken dreams, but people who do heinous acts.

I don't think that's what Gaia had in mind when she consented to things in the planning stages. It just got out of hand. WAY out of hand. Love is the only way OUT. And I'm glad it's done.

Ross
My beloved is having a hard time.

It is hard to feel the love when people are beating on you.

I know. I did it.

I was raped before I died.

I want that to be on the record.

It was more than a beating.

Carla saw the whole thing.

That's why Carla is so bitter and angry.

They weren't content to let me die.

They tortured me in a ritual. It was exacting and precise. It wasn't random.

They did it to everyone.

It was their way.

I am sorry for all the pain I endured as being a 'price' or 'ransom' as people say. I am sorry in that in MY 'suffering to end all sufferings'--it was only the beginning of the rape and torture of the souls, of all of humans incarnate, and recycling through the reincarnation system--for a long time.

The 'deal' wasn't 'sealed'--THEY did not keep up their end of the bargain (those who partake in such things were not content with me, the gardener's son, they wanted ALL of his family, including the wife.)

I have forgiven each and every one for what they did to me, and for what they have done to all of you (in the dream department and making your life miserable on earth in the Illusion).

(raises one finger and moves from side to side--ed) I want you to know there is Justice. Although they have been forgiven, there is karma to be paid back. And then some.

Your souls who are tortured will rise to the top like cream. And theirs who have tortured others will sink down lower until they awaken fully.

Everything works out for the best.

Even for Carla and me.

Carla would like me to go to her office Christmas party.

Carla would like to buy me a ticket to the movies and share popcorn with Anthony and me.

It's not going to happen.

There are better things Carla cannot imagine down the road ahead...Carla can't grasp the Love and Happiness and Contentment she is going to be given.

Neither will you.

Happy Easter to those of you who read this, from my heart.

I would do it all again, gladly...and even endure Carla's suffering and nagging for another millennia or two! LOL

Friday, March 25, 2016

N A W E H (No Way Yaweh) lol
I am no longer reading that book. Archangel Jophiel caught wind of it that I was talking with Divine Mother incarnate about it--'through the grapevine' REAL time...

It fascinates me, that book (Y H W H ) because it has references to MORE-mons (hope it's under the radar in this spelling) and also lots of cool stuff like equations and graphs about how spirit and things work.

It also got me thinking about 'whose team is this book really ON?' because what material presented by the book, which was white leather with embossed gold doves and flames on it--sure looked like a bible to me....it kind of reminded me of the Book For Those Newly Deceased in the movie Betelgeuse.

I was like, how cool is this--no matter what team it's for, it's something to move forward, and heck, if I get the other teams 'playbook' I'll check it out. Why not? I want our team to win, and busy as I am, it's not like I'm being spiritually challenged in any way. My life is difficult. I have my lessons. But I'm ready to read some college textbooks...

I knew in my heart who the right team is.

And this book wasn't right.

I didn't think it would affect me.

I knew in an instant when my colleague who is Coptic who saw me reading it, he recognized it, and was frightened. I'm not surprised he knew, and he treated me with respect after that. I didn't know for sure what I was reading, I was just 'checking the merchandise' but he did.

I think it's a mason-ick bible of some sort I got my hands on.

I am glad I read enough to make the connection between all the pyramids that are stuck on top of just about everything you see in architecture...all these people who believe this stuff are waiting for some form of enlightenment to descend on their heads and take them off planet. Home.

I get that.

What I didn't get, and now I do, are some very important things:

you can't judge a book by its cover one of the maxims of Those Who Do Not Have Our Best Interest At Heart is 'what's black is white'. Here was this innocent looking book, with pictures and graphs that weren't very beautiful (EVERYTHING from Heaven is BEAUTIFUL, it goes without saying)--that was actually very 'dark'. How was I to know? I'm like a teenager in spirit. I'm figuring out who I am...and now I know...that book is NOT me!

just because you don't believe doesn't mean that reading it won't affect you there are key codes and activation sequences buried into just about EVERYTHING. Even this blog has good things put into it by Spirit to help wake people up. I have no awareness of it, but the words and the tone and my energy light a 'spark' to help ignite the awakening process in people, and to support them in their growth. A lot of this has to do with vibrations of light we can't measure, like Reiki, but can FEEL. If it feels good, it's probably a good thing.

when it comes right down to it, just like money, with spirit--there's the 3D approach to 'take it into our own hands' or the 5D way to just roll with it, and trust the 'process' with your guides. I hadn't really liked the Drumvalo Melchizedek book, but it opened my eyes to all the mysteries of Sacred Geometry and the pyramids. I kind of was doing that with the yaweh-schmaweh book. I had time on my hands, no really good spiritual 'read' in sight--lord only know the blogging stuff online is deplorable. My most prolific sources are Creator Writings (-I thank GOD for Creator Writings...and for The Council...and when incarnate Saul FEELS like doing a channeling for SOME people, it's REALLY nice when he does! (I roll my eyes with impatience over that soul...SIGH!)

I threw that book away.

All sixty five dollars of it and not all the way read. Divine Father and Divine Mother said there was something altered into it, it was not 'right'--and therefore the work was not suitable for me to study any more.

And I asked Divine Father for something to read that is good for me and also to keep me engaged in my Ascension Knowledge.

Don't Cry

Today I was at the surgery center pushing propofol. We don't have pumps there. You just give a little at a time the entire case to keep the patient sedated.

It was a long case.

I had been forcing myself to ignore my memories that are sad, and 'think happy thoughts'...to keep my energy up.

Out of the blue, Archangel Michael said to me, 'Don't cry'.

It gave me hope.

I did my best to make it through the day.

Ross promised me he would explain things about his death, and why it was necessary, during Anthony's basketball practice. He had me bring my little notebook to the gym.

I found a close parking spot, near a small island with gravel.

In it was a top from a yogi tea bag.

It was all crumpled and dirty, and I knew it was for me.

Love is Life and Life is Love

That was his lesson.

It's so him. He's really not much of a talker! I always have been the talker in the family...

I watched all the kids learning, interacting with the coach, and I could see from God's viewpoint just how wonderful all this life experience is...

When I got home, Anthony played the voicemail.

I hate voicemail with a passion and I let messages go unheard for days at a time. I don't like to stop what I am doing and listen. I would much rather read a text.

My cousin had 'good news'--the one who never calls and I'm not very close to.

So I called her back.

It turns out she knows Tim Braun. And she is going to his friend, Mickey for readings. She dreamed of Grandma Lucille, who told her to call me.

She recommended a grief healing team near Temecula. She explained how it worked for her, and how all these pains came out of her lungs. Mickey had told her she's not breathing right and gave the referral. I could tell from my cousin's energy in her voice she felt better.

I also felt there was something MORE.

So even though we talked about my being a total psychic and medium and all that (but not that I blog too, cousins can only take so much! lol)...it came out: my aunt and uncle's house is being offered as is for sale. It's a beautiful two story home on top of a hill in San Clemente--lol, a stable one at that!--with white water views, and on a clear day you can see Catalina island.

I loved that home!

There's a lot of negativity in it, and it needs lots of work--probably everything from plumbing to a roof...

I will pray on it. I never in a million years thought I would live in it. I loved my aunt and uncle so much. Aunt Annette bought me my first pair of roller skates when I was six, for Christmas. She was quiet, and so nice to me always. And Uncle Rene got paralyzed from the neck down in a terrible motorcycle accident in the eighties. He was always home. And when I was going through a divorce in medical school, it was our phone calls that kept me going, and gave me hope. He was so strong, and so humble, and so honest!

The house is exactly what I want, something true to the original architecture, with NO 'open floor plan', and is like a blank pallette for me to design my own home.

It's way far for my commute. And way way too expensive, even at this discount rate.

I think I'll trust God on this.

And I'll heal with my cousin's recommendations (I am going to cheat, and in my meditation, ask some guide, possibly Zadkiel--to coach me in the breathing to release my grief...over everything...my past lives and this one...I'll do that soon now.)

One last thing.

Always ask God for 'this or something better'.

I manifested something today. Hmmmm what was it? Ah yes, it was an old dream--a flicker of the joy I once felt. At the pancake breakfast fundraiser, I was in the kitchen cracking eggs, and flipping pancakes. It seemed like a dream it was so long ago, but I had desires to be a chef twice--once on applying to medical school (Chez Panisse) and also while I was learning Reiki (Au Lac)...I LIKED the feeling in the kitchen, being with the other parents...it felt good.

Mom

She's my barometer of someone who is into 'current events' and 'watches a lot of news'--there's pseudo spiritual 'science' news on religious figures out there. I can't quite get a 'spin' on it--whose side it's on. For example, Michelangelo made Jesus' WIFE holding him in the Pieta, not his mom. They had to change the leg (it was in her lap and sexy) to a whole new leg to be attached with screws to be more modest. Also the cherub on her shoulder was a heart, and romance...Mom says Michelangelo didn't like the church and was hiding the TRUTH into everything he did.

Who doesn't like a good scandal?

I'm a little uneasy at all the healers, and all their MARKETING, as well as the stuff that's going on 'out there' right now. There's money--much more of it than before, and also, people going into it to SEEK money.

I'll trust God on that one too. He knows what he's doing (Divine Mother does too of course!)...but I will watch and take notes.

I always do.

This is the Pieta by Michelangelo. I have only seen it in wax at Movieland Wax Museum as a child, never in person. Now you can look at it and decide for yourself. I really don't see what mom is talking about. She says the woman looks nineteen, and couldn't be the mother. I don't know.

Ross

Carla is making her way.

I bought her a crystal I know she will like. She doesn't know what I have planned for her.

I'm going to talk about Carla's work schedule. It's daunting. Even today, after the pancake breakfast (Anthony played gloriously)--Carla despite her best of intentions, hit every red light, and was late. Carla literally RAN to the building and up the stairs. It took her quite a while to catch her breath.

What kind of work is this where Carla must beg to see her own child perform, and literally RUN so that the surgeon and the facility won't be upset at her?

What kind of work is it where someone misses a family member's funeral because there is no-one to substitute for him on short notice? (the person informally covering for him was in one room and the bereaved was in another at the same time, sadly).

That is what I accomplished in my short lifetime; I set the path for the eventual freedom from the broken hearts you all have acquired in one way or another.

I am pure Love, and I am gentle. I can be fierce if the need should arise...but I neglected my family, my loved ones when I was incarnate, and Carla is still suffering from my neglect. Her emotional needs were not met, nor were her spiritual ones with my being away. Further, people took 'advantage' of her in her weakness, at her being alone, and it was not pleasant for her in any way to endure this type of torture. It happened both before and after my death, but mostly while I was traveling...

What is there to gain from all of this rehashing everything?

To be honest, not much. For what is on our 'plate', is our own purpose, our growth as souls, together, Carla and me, as soul Twins.

I am taking care of her as in Life Carla more than certainly took care of me..I was well fed, well bathed, well clothed, and never experienced lack.

What I want for you, is to experience the vastness of the cosmos! Try not to get 'lost' in the nitty gritty of the every day, or of the past. Acknowledge and appreciate your perception of this eternal moment Now, which is the only thing we have, all of us, is this moment NOW.

And go and create!

Will Carla go to live in her cousin's house? There are a lot of factors with it and I can't see right yet. (clears his throat as in he's not saying--ed--and he's happy!)

Now it's time for Carla to meditate, and to work on her grief from her losing me.

Meditation is good. (I see Campbells soup flashing--ed)

I love Carla and I love you (but in different ways--I love everyone--and Carla as my beloved)

Yesterday I confessed to a friend that I couldn't manifest my way out of a box if I had to do so to save my life.

I'm totally overwhelmed and exhausted as a soul.

I manifested a grapefruit for my breakfast yesterday and today, I said. 'That's about my speed!'

And I laughed.

I laughed because I wanted to cry and I couldn't.

I don't think Divine Father understands I am way beyond 'what is that one thing holding you back?'...I just want to curl up and be silent and still for a long, long, very long time--if I listen to my soul.

It's all the incarnations again and again where I have been beaten down and beaten down and beaten down...I just learned to shut up in the 'wish' department.

I realize some of my 'dreams' are more like a laundry list of what current tortures I want removed from my existence: I want to sleep in my bed every night, I want to be home more with my son, I want not to worry so much about forms and legal stuff with my home and moving.

That's not dreaming.

Like I said again and again in this blog, 'my dreamer is BROKEN!'...And I don't even know where to begin.
Yesterday I went WAY outside my comfort zone to ask for a favor of my boss. There is a fundraiser this morning, and Anthony will play the drums in the band.

I asked to please go and see it.

It's only fifteen minutes. I need to be at work at seven thirty, and I needed one hour delay.

I got it!
It's not going to be easy, I have to really hurry, but I am going to be THERE for the first time in about four concerts/performances (his teacher used to not give much advance notice for these things)...

So perhaps now my 'list' is one concert plus one grapefruit.

Memories of Ross' Death
Last night falling asleep was especially difficult for us both.

I told Ross I just wished in our lifetime together, I could have seen his face MORE; I wished I had been given more time just to look at him, to be with him, just to know he is there.

He had never realized that's why I always followed him as a child. We both saw the 'movie' of how I followed him around like a puppy (he was five years older than me in our village)...and as we were married...I still would get that happiness from looking upon his face and sneak looks from across the house those rare times when he was home with our family.

Ross broke down and cried.

He never realized that was why I loved him so.

It was in the eyes.

I remembered his soul from the past two incarnations before. I couldn't get enough of it.

Then out of the blue, he flashed me an image of his face as he was dying, in that incarnation we both most recently lived.

It was beaten to a pulp and almost unrecognizable.

I recoiled in horror at the quick flash through my consciousness!

Calm and steady, Ross asked me how that image made me feel?

Horror. Powerlessness. Agony (I'm an empath).

The day before I had meditated on his death, and asked for Divine Intervention. I asked for everyone who ever jeered at him, or taunted him, or had ideas for him to be hurt, to be raised up about three feet from the ground in a little bubble, and to stay there inside, floating. They were all trying to go somewhere and they couldn't. They were like floating on an invisible river and couldn't move!

I asked spirit for those who felt remorse to be taken away, and rehabilitated, for they were sick.

And the other?

To have their bubbles fill up with their own wastes to give them time to 'think about it'.

Ross had admired my creativity.

I think as a soul, mine has been through the wringer. And as a guide, Ross has his hands full with my creative ideas to protect him, my complete inability to understand how his awful death has a connection to anything, and my horror and pain that are always just under the surface for having been there with him through the experience in the Illusion of his death.

I think he's trying to get a 'read' on me. And right now as I write these words, I am surprised but it makes sense if I think about it, that I have a lot of rage buried deep in me somewhere...over his death, the apparent loss of my twin, and the total and complete destruction of what would have been a good life had he stayed home and not traveled.

I give up.

At this point, it's all Illusion, and I have amnesia, and no matter how much I read the esoteric books, I still don't get it how Ross is important in the grand scheme of things, how what he did was 'right', and how it could have happened in the first place.

So I don't judge.

There are lots of people who think his death in some way helps them.

They outnumber me.

And for all I know, his death might have helped me too in some way spiritual.

The only gift is our last goodbyes would have been sometime this morning. Last night I was given the gift to relive it.

It was meaningful.

Then at some point he left the house, and walked to his death, with me following him every step of the way.

He wasn't afraid to die.

I don't think he had any clue just how horrible it would be.

And I told him, in no uncertain terms, that NOW my soul has not only the skills to resuscitate and intubate someone as mortally wounded as him--but I have the ability to make one pain free no matter what--and I mean it! My eyes flashed to him a determination and will to ease suffering--LOL--even if I am the one who suffers by missing meals and family time and sleep...

It startled him to see just how deep his wounds are on MY soul, from witnessing it. And what lengths I would go to 'undo' and 'make it right' in the way my heart of hearts found a way to do.

The Book of Enoch
I'm more than halfway through his keys. This book makes engineering textbooks seem like a romance novel in comparison. It is the driest, most difficult read I have encountered in a long time, and I am slogging my way through it.

It talks about the Lucifur Rebellion--which is how these symbols which I think of as 'owned' by that sect--are actually ones that were taken from the 'good guys' and misused...but I'm waiting till the end before I buy into the whole Keys as far as them being something I think is from 'my team'--Creator of All That Is, the ultimate source of nurturing, warmth, love and compassion.

I just don't get a good feel for Orion.

And someone challenged me as they are FROM the Orion Belt...

I don't know.

It's very Orion-like TO call someone on something and challenge them. To a Sirian hybrid soul like mine (I'm part Pleiadian too, like Ross)--conflict sucks!

Here's a nice YouTube a friend shared with me. I've seen it a while ago. But it explains why I don't like cats--in addition to having been a former kitten in my immediate past life, and when I looked in the mirror in that life, my face was like a cat due to the brainwashing/Monarch programming I had endured as a child.

I also, for the record, do not 'like' or 'connect' in any way at all with the characters or storyline of Lord Of The Rings. It's torture for me to sit through it or read it. I think I read one of the books my friends were reading. That Gollum just gave me the creeps, and all of that fighting over a ring just didn't make any sense at all. I think it was the Hobbit. The only thing I liked in the book was Bilbo Baggins' home life, and how cozy and content it was, before he ever journeyed away on his 'adventure'...

You are free to adore cats and the Lord Of The Rings...I do not judge you, and only ask that you show consideration for my soul! It appears to have been 'through a lot', and 'remembers' that it doesn't like to be exposed to certain memories that are painful to it. Cats and JRR Tolkien's work appear to be some of the triggers for my delicate soul's PTSD.

Everyone should remember that there was a prototype of Earth, I believe in the Sirius star system, and it blew up.

Most Galactics are horrified that it happened with so much loss of life.

It had been invaded.

It had been invaded by not so nice people who didn't love God or Heaven, who I think but am not sure they came from Orion.

Anyways, bad people blew the planet up.

Never before had this happened or been possible.

This is why so many souls in the galaxy and beyond are working tirelessly to liberate us for so long.

The people who blew that planet up are the ones who put us on quarantine, here on Earth--yes we are on a quarantine planet!--and as souls we are doomed to incarnate again and again because we can't get out (normally our souls would have freedom to go anywhere in this sector).

They are the one percent, too, or at least, the ones controlling them...and controlling us through our government and media...LOL...while telling us we are 'free' and that government will in some way 'save' us...and asking us to pay our money for 'entertainment' which only when exposed to it hypnotizes us MORE into their twisted 'system' of control...

I suppose I should stop writing now.

It's time to start my day soon, and Ross might want to talk. (I hear him clearing his throat--ed)

Ross
Carla gave up.

In a matter of words.

You can see by her actions that in reality, she didn't.

She marches to her own drum. (and not to Anthony's --pun intended!--he laughs).

After all these lifetimes and incarnations, she STILL honors me by practicing her profession as an anesthesiologist, and giving my voice opportunity to speak, through her spiritual work and skill as a medium which I appreciate on THIS side here where I am so much.

I love you.

Carla I absolutely, positively love you.

And I love you more each day.

I never knew how you felt about me, at the end. We had our troubles, our conflicts, and we had grown apart.

I thought on some level perhaps you might have been better off without me to complicate your life.

I always knew you deserved better, deserved MORE.

I did my best to go out to the world with my education, and to share it, to bring hope and to inspire...but I never really thought about the price I had to pay, with our happiness.

As you know, and as I comfort you and guide, I have changed and you will be the first to admit it.

I have done my part, for saving the world.

Now is my time for my heart to focus on undoing the damage that has been caused, and giving reparation, restoration, and gentle sweet love to comfort you.

This is why your dreams are shattered and they cannot manifest.

A soul in this condition has no way out. It must be led by the hand to safety, and to Light.

I know you love Divine Father more than I can admit--I want you to share what you told him last night, right before you fell asleep Carla. Tell us now.

C: I told him that if I couldn't love him the way I do know (once the amnesia is gone)--from my heart, totally like a trusting child, with no guile or sophistication as a soul whatsoever, just with happiness and joy as natural as breathing--I told him if after I wake up I couldn't love him like I do now then I would never want to wake up EVER! Loving Him and loving Divine Mother is all I am, and I could never change it in any way.

I also told him to never forget how much I love him. I made a drawing with crayons and put it up on the wall over his desk.

The reason I told him never to forget is because I know full well with this horrible amnesia as a soul, I MIGHT forget. And I wanted to make sure HE remembers it for the both of us, how beautiful and pure my love is for him, and how much it means to me to help me to survive...in this painful existence, this nightmare, that I don't know how I got stuck in as a soul in the first place, but I can't seem to get out.

Wednesday, March 23, 2016

It seems so long ago since I wrote to you last...I had the day off, and I am most thankful for it. Yesterday I was late to work, hit every traffic light. I'd had insomnia until three in the morning. I wake up at four. But I set a timer so I could sleep in until five thirty.

I had already spent more of the day before telling God, 'I can't keep up. I can't figure out where to go next. I used to have dreams and now all I do is work to spend money on things my family needs without thinking of myself or the future. I need help, God. I can't keep it together much longer.'

The Creator Writings have been a blessing--by the way.

Sure enough, when I was driving my son to school, I said, 'I don't think I can do this much longer, the waking up early, the long days at work, the commute...'

Sure enough, surgeon was mean, the patient had super high blood pressure--enough to cancel the case. And since the surgeon was jumping back and forth between two rooms, I had to wait until nine a.m. to start my day. There were huge gaps too. And I got to close the surgery center by being the last doc to leave the facility for the day at six.

For those of you who know me, I am always watching as an outside observer on the events of my life.

With that morning delay, I was able to call Emory, the New York Society of Anesthesiologists, and the California Society of Anesthesiologists to straighten out my CME's for my reappointment. Spirit was helping me out! The stress levels dropped considerably.

The nurses also noticed a pattern in all of my patients waking up so nicely. I told them this is what happens when you go to conference and listen to what they tell you! (Beers Criteria for Geriatric Patients )

I also will never forget my colleague, a woman, Persian, saying, 'whenever you are in trouble in the morning, CALL ME! or the other Persian mom!'...she was almost angry with me, and I was so thankful for her kindness and her love.

Sometimes it takes a 'bad day' to 'get us what we need'--either way, I was sure glad it was over.

You might enjoy finding your own significance to it. I have my thoughts...something important WAS completed last night. This I know for sure.

Janus

Junus looks both ways. Yesterday I had an email reminder from my old teacher how it was the one night of a month for Open Practice. Anthony was at his dad, and I could go! I had today off...and I missed it. I missed my old friends, the warmth and nurturing environment, the being with like-minded people.

I wanted to go.

But I had made a promise to attune someone close to me. I had to keep it.

And you know what? In the session, where I was a 'teacher', I found the conversation to be even MORE 'on point' than I ever in a million years would have found back with Anne at her Open Practice Night for her Practicum, where people do card readings and practice Reiki and socialize together.

It was poignant to find I have outgrown my 'roots', and that Spirit stopped me from going to Anne because they wanted me HERE and NOW doing what I do best--one on one spiritual connection, relaxing and laughing the whole time.

This was the last in a series of attunements for a project I have been working on all month. (hint--'Gaia mission nears completion' --shhhhh! ; ) )

Our Goodbye

Today I broke down with the memories of what happened to Ross in our past life together. I told him he didn't deserve it...how I wished it never happened. I asked from my heart, did we have time to say our goodbyes at the end?

He assured me we did.

He explained to me how I am his teacher, and in that life he learned some most valuable lessons through me, and I, in return, have learned more in this life now from him.

It's been hard on me the last few weeks. I see how deeply imprinted the kitten programming from my immediate past incarnation is on my soul, and so many things I think are 'me' are really old, leftover residues from 'that life' I lived so long ago. Ross and been patient and kind and accepting and encouraging of me through everything...I appreciate it so much.

If I could, I would just zip past the next few days...and skip it. But I can't.

Instead, Ross cheered me and Anthony up.

Earlier he told me to buy us ice cream. Anthony was in the car after school, and asked, 'what should we do? But a carton? Go somewhere?' and I didn't know either. Right then, ahead of us, was a huge truck for Ruby's Diner. Anthony and I asked each other, 'You think this is Ross's suggestion?' Anthony said, 'Mom? How many times do you EVER see a huge Ruby's truck?'--he was right--NEVER!

So we went. And I noticed a big public notice of change of ownership on the window. Anthony went and looked. Actually, Ross told him to get a dollar from me and buy a gum ball. It was near the window with the sign. And on the first try, with one quarter, he got a red gum ball--and WON a FREE root beer float! (he had been trying for years and never won it)

The sign had been posted today.

I sense Ross knew of the changes, and wanted Anthony and I to enjoy one last meal at this place where we have gone since he was little. It's been a while since we last went, but the trains were running on the track up by the ceiling same as ever, and we were content. I had a vanilla shake...Ross wanted me to finish it.

That is how loving and kind a man Ross is.

Tonight, he wanted me to write on my laptop. You know, I love it. I still have Mavericks on it--I can pull up my own photos easily for the blog. At the yosemite versions, I can't. blogger can't talk to the photo part. I have to put them on my desktop then import them in. ..He wanted me to sit where Anthony can see me in the living room, where he was working with his laptop.

I feel like I am able to enjoy the family time I took for granted every night while I grew up...as an anesthesiologist, nights like those are rare. I work late, we eat dinner out, we rush to get ready for bed.

Today was a good day. I got most of my things done. And I also cleared out three boxes of things that had been sitting around. The funniest thing were the photos, the memories, the old bill summary from Kona Village--the best vacation of my life, and Anthony's. Life is GOOD! For all the misery, I saw the shining light from my family and friends...the cards for Anthony's birthday and baptism...the letters to the lawyer from my next door neighbor in support of me in the child custody lawsuit...I kept the binder with the notes as a testament to how strong I am, how resilient. My lawyer used to have HIS lawyer as a partner, and she used to have her babysit for her. They were close! And my lawyer wanted me to write lunesta sleeping pill prescription for her!!! for free! Since my son's life was in question, his well-being, I wrote it! For years! It's all past, fortunately. But I wanted it to keep because I lived it, and I survived it.

Another thing I found in that area, were some of my old notes from Blessed Mother. From 1992 to 2010 she wrote me almost every day, with automatic writing. And sure enough, what she said in 2008 was just as true about me as it is today, only then I couldn't understand it. I couldn't understand her references were to my Beloved, who is disincarnate, and how I will experience so much joy and love...I couldn't understand it when I wrote it, but now I do...

Ross

I haven't written. Carla has been busy with her attunements, face to face, online. Along with her many things she does for me and also doesn't mention...I appreciate where she is at in her development and growth.

I adore talking to Anthony, and making him smile with an ice cream--I paid! (he is very pleased with it--ed)

Carla is moving along and has hope. She spoke from her heart with her sister--'I don't think I can keep this up'...it was a first for Carla to talk openly like this with her. Her sister's perspective is that it is much the same for her and for everyone...life is like that...and Carla was giving loving support to keep going on her path.

Someone sent a gift to her from Merlin. And Carla knew it was for real because immediately after opening the small gift at the post office (she had been seeing images of frogs for days ahead too--one is a toy one--ed)--she saw a bumper sticker high on a truck window that said, 'The magic is in the hole'...

All of us are working with Carla on her strength, her ability to withstand the demands that are placed upon her.

And Carla is actively seeking help--both from us, and her sister, and also, in her heart-to-heart with her friend last night during the attunement she had promised.

It is okay to ask help.

It is okay to get to the point where spirit must guide you into a situation where they practically pick up the phone and dial for you.

It is not worth it to panic, and Carla, in her own way, with her misery and dread, had panicked silently for days before seeking help and assistance.

I wish to thank you Jennifer for your service to my wife with all of your messages, which are impeccable and perfectly timed for her optimum growth and development. This one was key in getting Carla 'unstuck'. You can imagine the amount of dedication and resources and time Carla has spent in 'being a doctor'...it is hard to reconcile the not wanting to experience lack of sleep, or the daily 'grind'--with having to support herself and her family---with wanting to be Spiritual and experience that. Your words are pearls wrapped in silver that rest in a bed of gold for Carla.

For this I, Ross, thank you for succinctly doing what could not be communicated any other way.

For all of you who follow us, you know what to do. For those attuned, Carla invites you to make the symbols daily, for the rest of your lives. Carla, state what was communicated to you earlier today. it is okay for everyone to hear it.

C: I was told that from here on out, no matter where I go, I am anchoring and tacking together Heaven on earth.

(Ross puts his palms up and smiles as if to say, 'what's that?'--ed)

C: the matrix of the Illusion is in synchronization with the matrix from Heaven in my immediate vicinity of my person. And after I leave, it stays. It's like I'm a glue gun, tacking two pieces of gauze together everywhere I go, except I'm not hot and won't burn any fingers or make a mess. It's effortless, and no one can tell what is happening, and never needs to know. The story lines are perfectly meshed.

R: and is it just you?

C: no, the others who I have been working with will come up in energy and do the same thing also, as long as they keep up with their daily use of the symbols.

R: and what does that mean?

C: I'm coming home?

R: ( he claps and smiles-ed-and I understand him with my mind as he is saying, 'this is my most powerful lesson'--I'm not sure if it's him teaching me, or me teaching you, or what, to be honest--ed)

Monday, March 21, 2016

It's not being able to do what you would like to accomplish...or eat...or live...because you do not have the money.

There is also poverty of Time. In my life, I do not have the ability to accomplish what I would like...or eat...or enjoy my living...because of my heavily intense work schedule.

There is also poverty of Spirit. No matter how much money or time you have, no matter what...all of us as souls are trapped inside the limits of a thimble--when our natural ability, our birthright, is to live and play on an entire football field by comparison to the thimble!

This is common and unites us all.

The building at the top of the hill, just above the dock, is where my career as a physician started...my beginnings...at UCSD Medical Center in Hillcrest. It was the culmination of a lifelong dream to work as a doctor, helping people, and working with the science of medicine. It also is an art, healing people, and I hope to have advanced my skills above and beyond the curriculum both in Reiki and in Medicine, which I have been taught.

Gaia is sick.

Gaia is sick and tired, absolutely disgusted, at the status quo.

Yesterday she sent out a call to the very highest beings who could hear her--and she had tears in her eyes--as her heart was yearning to be free of that which torments her: the pollution of the mind.
There is a LOT more pollution in this realm, than in any other...and the people who are brainwashed by the mass media and entertainment industries...in her opinion...have gone too far.

If you know Gaia, and love her, you will understand her feelings, and do the very best to co-create with GOOD THOUGHTS, carefully 'weeding out' all of those of a denser, darker vibration.

Gaia has had enough.

She has presented her litany of complaints to the highest office there is, specifically stating that which she permits to be on her 'school', her 'surface'...and that which is no longer welcome to her heart.

In short, animals, children, nature, and people who respect all of the above, and work to assist those who are struggling or sick or in danger...stay. But ONLY those who have above all else Love in their Hearts while doing so.

Gaia has enough of the angry activists who give 'reiki' for a cause, for anyone who is worth their training in Reiki, true Reiki, will step aside and let go of the outcome, leaving it for the highest good. Those who embrace the energy of separation --for example, sending Reiki to a cause they don't understand, and impose their will on the outcome--Gaia will spit out of her mouth. And Gaia has spit them out again, and again, and again, and is utterly sick of it, these people who PERPETUATE the energy of separation by their anger, their blaming, and their refusal to accept that we and the animals are ONE family, all of us welcome, all of us with our lessons, and all of us on one delicate ecosystem both in body, mind, and spirit up here in the cosmos of All That Is!!!

So for all the Galactic and Higher Dimensional Souls who have bravely come forth to raise the Truth in the midst of those unawakened, Gaia thanks you.

Gaia has had enough of the war mongering and blame throwing and hypnosis of the people!

Gaia has had enough of the rape and pillage of her resources in the name of 'growth and development' for 'civilization'.

Gaia has enough of IGNORANCE of the the general surface population of the ways that are applied EVERYWHERE ELSE IN THE UNIVERSE BUT HERE ON THIS PLANET!

The full moon is almost here.

And Gaia has asked for All Divine Assistance.

Gaia has said, 'No More'.

As Jack Hanna says, 'the truth will stand, it will come out in the end' and 'you must touch the heart to reach the mind'....we may add, 'and reach the SOUL' too.

Yesterday was the best day I ever had...and so was Anthony's.

Ross had planned it.

He told me to wear my Balega socks because I would be walking around. I almost grabbed a different pair, but he wanted me to wear THOSE athletic ones.

On the drive there, Anthony and I were thinking of a friend, Jaime B-W, who had passed. We were close to her. We always miss her. And her spirit came through, in her same voice, and said to me, 'I am still HERE! And I am without the pain!' (she suffered from chronic pain while she was living). We said we are glad and we love her, but it's not the same as being able to hug her and see her smile and spend time with her like we used to do when she was incarnate. (She and Anthony have the same birthday, of all things!)

She said she would send us a surprise, something miraculous, and we would know it was from her.

What she sent was a very special time Anthony and I got to share with two special persons, Fernando and Alua...that we will remember our entire lives...as well as with our new friends Kelli and Carrie and Chris, who made this special memory possible. Fernando and Alua are advanced souls, with no guile whatsoever, and amazing hearts.

It all has to do with the word that was written on the toes of my socks...well...almost! ; )

Ross
Jaime did well in her planning for Carla and Anthony.

Their souls are free.

Their souls are united with the happiness of having a day to reflect on where Anthony 'grew up'--a place he has went often with his mom since he was thirteen months old. A place of importance to them in their hearts. A place where the troubles of their personal life, the house that is falling apart, the long hours spent in study and at work, and the separation between them due to Anthony's co-parenting...doesn't exist....for the times they are at this place, they are delighted with family and friends and souls who are highly advanced, much like the soul of Jack Hanna, whom Anthony has met, and Jack will always recall with a smile (Jack was given a plastic toy hippo to sign with his autograph when Anthony was four. Jack was impressed with the accuracy of the model and asked, 'Where did you get it?' with a smile. Anthony said, 'At Target' (a popular discount store in the States)--Jack laughed long and hard over that...everyone seems to shop there, including himself.)

All the souls who are in the service of souls who are struggling, who are in need--both in body, mind, and soul--all of us are watching.

There is only one way, one truth, in Love--and it is clear as day to us where I am--just like Anthony precious child with his humble honesty, 'I got it from Target'--that will touch your heart.

Prepare to be amazed at what will take place!

What Gaia wants, Gaia will be given. A realm of peace and prosperity, abundance and light, which copies the Higher Realms in every way--across the board--Galactic 101--no questions asked, no exceptions, for all of her inhabitants.

(raises finger up and moves it slowly from side to side)--What you discover may surprise you! (he flashes a mysterious smile)

I didn't skip my vanilla fudge Anthony wanted to buy for me yesterday for nothing! (he smiles and is in a good mood--ed)

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About Me

I am a medical doctor who works in a hospital. I do anesthesia. I am also a Reiki practitioner. While I do anesthesia, I also make this form of Energy Healing available to my patients who wish to have it while their procedure is taking place.
I have quite a following at work. Many patients and coworkers request my services. Recovery room RN's love me. All of my patient report the same thing: they felt no pain. One friend's spouse actually made her take two of her pain pills at home because he absolutely could not believe she felt no pain after gallbladder surgery!