Last week, Science of Stupid was kinder… gentler… less punishing. Well, it makes up for it this week. From violent face plants to recreational bullet wounding, these episodes of SOS have it all. I hope you’re not squeamish. These are gonna hurt.

Seth dares not watch, yet he cannot turn away

5) Rhinoplasty by Gun

Don’t be the guy who brings a nose to a gun fight

PAIN SCORE: 6 stars in his eyes

IMPACT POINTS: Nose, mouth, cool bro X-factor

WHY IS THIS HAPPENING: Newton’s Third Law of Motion puts it best: for every force there’s an equal and opposite force. Thusly, there are some rules when it comes to absorbing the recoil of a firearm. #1: take a stable position. #2: lean forward. #3: nestle the butt of that gun tightly into your shoulder. So, we can see where this guy failed.

HOW IT COULD HAVE BEEN WORSE:

The heartwarming smile of a grown man firing an enormous gun

This guy is firing the largest caliber centerfire rifle ever made. Imagine taking that recoil to the face. You’d pretty much not have a face.

DID YOU KNOW: The bullets for that super high caliber rifle are nearly an inch across. Considering caliber measures the diameter of a projectile, that’s a HUGE bullet.

4) Rubbernecking

A vicious uppercut from an inanimate object

PAIN SCORE: 7 loose teeth

IMPACT POINTS: Face, chin, neck

WHY IS THIS HAPPENING: Ah, amateur backflips. They so rarely turn out right. Generally speaking, a backflip can be executed by leaping straight up from a solid base and tucking ones knees into the chest, conserving momentum and speeding the rotation. This guy has all that going for him, but because he launches straight up from a ledge, well, he comes straight down on a ledge. Ah-doy.

HOW IT COULD HAVE BEEN WORSE:

Pro Tip: only jump off a bridge if you’re avoiding an on-coming train

He could have wrecked his face on the side of a bridge and gone into the water stunned. Then the video probably would probably be in police custody instead of on TV.

DID YOU KNOW: The record for the longest backflip is an astounding 13ft 11.71in. I can’t even do a frontflip that far, much less a backflip.

3) BMX (Bring More oXycodone)

Plywood ramps are always a bad sign

PAIN SCORE: 8 weeks of rehab

IMPACT POINTS: Back, butt

WHY IS THIS HAPPENING: Bike jumps require adequate speed, launch angle, and timing. A complimentary landing angle doesn’t hurt either. In fact, not having one does hurt. Anyway, OUCH.

HOW IT COULD HAVE BEEN WORSE:

Road rash is one way to erase a tattoo

He could have not been wearing a helmet.

DID YOU KNOW: BMX biking took off in the early 1970s. The motorcycle racing documentary On Any Sunday is often credited with giving the movement its real nudge forward.

2) Playing in Traffic

Finally, a use for cornfields

PAIN SCORE: 9 friends arguing about who calls your parents from the ER

WHY IS THIS HAPPENING: These kids are on the shallow end of the gene pool. That’s why. More specifically, car jumping is all about timing: timing the first step onto the hood, the second step to the roof, and the dismount over the passing car. There’s less than 300 milliseconds to pull off the first step when a car is traveling 20mph. In closing, car jumping is for emergency situations only.

HOW IT COULD HAVE BEEN WORSE:

Just because a neck can bend that way doesn’t mean it should

Don’t ever try to jump a car. Especially on an actual road.

DID YOU KNOW: A failed attempt to jump a car could result in your maiming or death. How’s that for trivia.

1) The Miracle of Human Flight

Cannonballs are for swimming pools only. Maybe lakes, too…

PAIN SCORE: 10 minutes of loud screaming

IMPACT POINTS: Butt, lower spine, respect of cute assistant

WHY IS THIS HAPPENING: Humans aren’t built to fall. We’re too heavy and too brittle. Let me put it this way: if you land on your butt from a height of 15ft, the deceleration is equal to an impact of 3 tons. Something is going to break. If you land correctly, it might just be a little bone in your foot. If you land on your butt, well, yikes.

HOW IT COULD HAVE BEEN WORSE:

I want to know the story of the girl who made it

A pool deck has less give than grass. Still, her broken feet (yep) are probably preferable to the two broken vertebrae (yep) suffered above.

DID YOU KNOW: Stop jumping off stuff. Unless you’re a cat. Cats are good like that.

Just a friendly reminder: don’t try any of this at home. Don’t. But do watch Science of Stupid tonight at 8P!

Comments

Symeon

United States

July 18, 2014, 5:20 pm

I don’t care about the blogs.. All I wanna say is the host of Science of stupid is the biggest idiotic host I’ve seen in quite some time… If you ever agree the host of stupid should be replaced and up your ratings, email me. Thanks.

Stacey

July 24, 2014, 10:13 am

I agree 100%! Why does the host have to be stupid too? Leave the comedy to the videos, his jokes aren’t funny…and “twerking” ? Really?