Saturday, June 16, 2012

Legalize Prostitution Already

A German language professor from the University of Georgia was
arrested in the Atlanta area last week for prostitution and running a
prostitution ring. He was not accused of robbing or cheating anyone,
threatening anyone or withholding cash from his working girls.

In fact his harem of working girls may not extend farther than
himself. He was arrested dressed as a woman after arranging a meeting and
exchange of “services” with an undercover cop.

It’s a sad sight to see a tenured professor from one’s alma mater caught selling their own wrinkled, transvestite
ass for cash. But what’s sadder is that we as a society have not come to our
senses enough to legalize prostitution already.

Like laws outlawing the use of drugs, laws against prostitution
are not only an infringement on personal liberty, but are a bizarre relic of
puritanical times that stands against human nature and individual freedom.

The places in the western world were prostitution are
legal—Nevada and Amsterdam—manage it quite well and are fully functioning
municipalities within democratic societies that have not collapsed into
anarchy.

So why is prostitution still illegal in most of the U.S.?
Isn’t this the land of the free? Aren’t we supposed to be champions of
capitalism? How are contemporary sexual mores improved by prostitution being
illegal?

It’s your pussy to sell, ladies. There’s no such thing as a
free lunch, especially if you like eating pussy. It’s common wisdom that
everyone pays for it one way or another. Why not just pay for it outright? Wouldn’t
that make for more honest relationships between men and women? What’s the
difference plunking down beaucoup dollars on drinks, dinner and other things we
spend money on when we’re trying to get laid and simply paying a prostitute for
the same
services but none of the bullshit?

I know that many people who call for the legalization of
prostitution have an idealized view of the industry. The sassy hooker with the
heart of gold is a myth, and most prostitutes are not go-getting entrepreneurs
boldly taking a stand against society’s conventions, but rather desperate
people usually exploited by men for their earnings, often living in fear of
violence or deportation or are addicted to drugs.

Legalizing prostitution,
like legalizing drugs, will allow society to purge the criminal element. The
worst gangsters in the country used to sell alcohol; and alcohol kills more
people every year than all the illegal drugs combined, but no one in their
right mind calls for it to be banned. And grocery store owners are not gunning
each other down for the right to sell you beer.

When alcohol was outlawed, people still found ways to drink
and criminals became rich. So it is today with drugs and prostitution. Gambling
is becoming legal in more and more places as states and municipalities seize on
the opportunity to improve their local economy and grab tax revenues that would
otherwise go to other states. Why should a law-abiding American have to travel
to Nevada to get a legal, paid-for lay? Let brothels thrive next to marijuana
cafes. Every city can have its own red light district and regulate prostitution
according to its own needs. Want to find the nearest hooker that’s certified
disease-free and fits your budget? There will be an app for that.

Every city already has a thriving sex trade, and state and
local governments could probably fill the holes in their budgets by taxing
the holes getting filled by johns every day. We as a people could literally
screw our way back to fiscal solvency.

Male prostitution would be legal also, of course. I’m sure
there are lots of straight guys who dream of being some kind of high class gigolo
for rich hot supermodels, but like it is today, legal male prostitutes would be
mostly patronized by men. Women just don’t need to pay for it and can get sex
from men just about whenever they want and spend zero dollars. Even the
infamous penis cutter Lorena Bobbitt
found a man to have sex with her for free.

Like the legalization of marijuana, prostitution will become
legal in our lifetime, and there is no shortage of real crimes for
police to investigate. Let’s do right by our communities, countries and cocks
and get the balls rolling on legalizing prostitution.

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About Me

I write a column called 'Notes from a Polite New Yorker' as well as short stories and poems. My column appears monthly in Kotori Magazine and my writing has appeared in GetUnderground.com, Knot Magazine, The Black Table, Too Square, and other web sites and print publications.