Tuesday, June 5, 2007

The Shark Has Pretty Teeth, Dear, 'Cuz He Eats Dentists

Edit: Update below...

I'm going to the dentist today. I'm terrified. Actually, I'm more that terrified. I'm gripped by the chill hand of a terror that defies description.

I am afraid of dentists. I find dentists, and all dentist-related activity, more frightening than spiders, and needles. Actually, more terrifying than spiders and needles combined, because you very rarely find a spider brandishing a needle, whereas dentists, in my experience, almost always have needles and are prepared to use them. (Also, sometimes, they have spiders. One of my more terrifying dental experiences involved a visit to a dentist with a perverse decorating streak on Hallowe'en. Have never recovered.)

I didn't sleep last night, for the fear, and instead chose to drink two double vodka martinis, extra dry, in a misguided attempt to give myself a hangover so that I would be distracted by the pounding headache when the needle hovers into view. This was not a good idea. I'm exhausted, and achey, and I'm pretty sure that the vodka breath is not going to dispose the dentist - who, I am convinced, takes a perverse pleasure in terrifying and torturing her patients with needles and lectures on dental floss - to go easy on me. And I'm pretty certain that the post-vodka blurries are not going to distract me from either the needle or the lecture.

Once upon a time, Her Bad Father would accompany me to dental appointments, and hold my hand if necessary. But I am told that I am a big girl now, and he's off making money or something stubbornly grown-up like that, and I am on my own.

And scared.

Anyone want to hold my hand?

Always floss.

********

In lieu of hand-holding, you could do something big-hearted, and it might help mitigate my terror somewhat. Or, at least, re-assure me that while I am in the ice-cold grip of fear, nice things are happening in the world. Jen of One Plus Two has launched a campaign to raise money this money for the wonderful Stephen Lewis Foundation or to Open Arms. You can read more about over at Jen's place, or at Mad's. Let's join forces with these awesome ladies and take some more steps toward making the world a better place.

Update: I survived. White-knuckle-chair-gripping-cold-sweat-didn't-make-it-through-the-whole-appointment survived, but still. I have to go back, so that they can finish the work, but I have a whole four weeks to freak about that. Thanks for your hand-holding. (And to the person who left the comment saying that they found my blog by watching me upload the site on my laptop in Starbucks? Um... NOT FREAKY AT ALL.)

Jeff's dad is a dentist and he's just about the nicest, most mild mannered man you'd care to meet. I feel confident if you could just come across two countries to southwest Florida, you'd have a great dentist experience.

Also, Jeff never went to any dentist but his dad up until three years ago when we lived in Ohio. Isn't that odd?

It turns out I am not a grown up after all. All dentist appointments for me are made by Hewhoinstallsbatteries, at his lunch hour, with handholding/baby juggling and presents afterwards. So very pathetic, but true.

I feel ur pian...doing the whole dentist thing myself. AM recently recovering from a root canal and tooth pull in the same day...3 hours in that CHAIR!!! I hate spiders too...but I def think Id take them over the dentist. Good luck!!!

I go to a dentist for scared people and have gone for over 15 years, and even though I am much less scared they will still hold my hand if I want them too. They are kind and nice and never yell at you (yes that happened to me before) and they always make you feel comfortable.

They are awesome. You can even be put under if you really want as well or any state of awareness in between. I use gas if it is going to be major work and that helps a lot.

Good luck and if you are interested in the name of my dentist let me know, they are in the Leslie and Shepperd area and I live in Brampton and still go there.

I hate going to the dentist, too. It's not even the pain; it's dealing with the staff. Having all those "how often do you floss?" judgmental questions. Too bad I'm not a movie star I could have one of those "You can't make eye contact or speak to me" contracts.

You're brave -- I just don't go -- I mean, I've had a broken tooth for over a year, and I still don't go. Luckily it's just a little bit broken. If I do decide to ever go, I'm going to make my husband take the day off, and he and both the kids are going to go and hold all of my hands. And I'll still be freaking out. You're not alone!

i can chop off my hand and send it to you so you can hold it while you're at the dentist's, but that really might just freak you out more than cheer you up. depends how you feel about mutilated body parts. :-P

I am like you - hate the dentist! I was there yesterday too, but I've recently found a dentist with flat screen televisions hovering over the dental chair. Now I just lay back and focus on the Food network. They know I'm scared of dentists, so they talk to me like I'm about five. And no, I do not mind.

Isn't it so funny that as soon as we become mothers, we are expected to be all grown up and do everything on our own, be brave, etc.?! It's amazing what motherhood does to ya sometimes.

On of my more recent dental visits was terrifying....she drilled and filled 2 cavities without any freezing claiming that it wasn't needed. GREAT! However, when she was done, she said, "Now, those cavities were a bit deeper than I expected--are you SURE you didn't feeling anything?" Ok--wasn't that her job to KNOW that I wasn't going to feel anything? SCARY!!!! I did want my MOMMY!!!

Deep breath - you'll be ok. I was a huge dentaphobe for a number of years, knowing that as soon as went, I'd be told that I had to get my wisdom teeth out. I need all the wisdom I can get, so I boycotted, until I absessed. Let this not happen to you, my friend.

Your timing with this post is impeccable. I have had a tooth ache - and I have (literally) a hole in my tooth. I hate the dentist as well (actually, my dentist is really cool - but he still wields a drill).Have you considered getting Adovan? Seriously. Dentists prescribe it to calm you. I always get a prescription. I basically need it just to call and make the appointment.And, the other thing that helps. I listen to my ipod. We have a little system where he squeezes my hand if he's going to use the drill - and then I turn it up. It doesn't make it better, but it makes it easier.

You need to go to my very gentle dentist and his accompanying hygenist who LOOOOVES us. It's like a trip to the spa - and my teeth are made out of chalk so really, it takes a lot to relax me at the dentists. So maybe your dentist is just not a good FIT for you, you know?

Glad to hear it's all over. Last time I had dental work done, I decided that if I was ever a secret agent or soldier or someone privy to national security, it would only take a bit of dental work to help me spill the beans. Pleasant, it's not.

Oh, that's great. I already think spiders come equipped with all kinds of torture devices, but now I have a new fear with this needles image. Not that they need them , what with their mandibles of death and all. Yippee.

The dentist scares me too. And I hate the flossing lecture. So now they know (it's in my file) that I'm nervous and don't like a lot of the sensations and they coddle me :) And if I feel like the flossing lecture is coming I stop with a quick "yes, I know, I didn't floss enough" and a big smile :)

When I had my wisdom teeth pulled, while the dentist waited for me to numb up, he looks at me and says "Did you ever see Little Shop of Horrors" and proceeds to dance around, WITH the intstruments, singing 'You'll be a Dentist'.It was surreal.

I went into working in dentistry because of my childhood dentistry nightmares. 13 cavities and a mean dentist who called me Tiny Tears.

I dedicated myself to not letting people get hurt. We had quite a great team. The best thing is getting people who are really scared to be able to do the work that needs done and then feel secure enough to keep coming for their semi-annual appointments.

But now I am just a stay at home mom. I hope that the next appt is easier. I am a white knuckle dental chair rider too.