Friday, February 17, 2006

(from M Zone wire reports) Tuscaloosa, AL -- Riots broke out across the University of Alabama campus and the state itself today following reports that the M Zone's Danish affiliate - Den M Distrikt - posted cartoons showing former University of Alabama football Coach Paul "Bear" Bryant wearing an Auburn hat and another showing him drawn into the infamously cheesey "Dogs Playing Poker" painting. The cartoons were first published way back after the 2000 season. But officials speculate they were not noticed at the time because Crimson Tide fans were too busy trying to figure out how the hell to get rid of Mike DuBose before he ruined their program.

In Alabama and other parts of the south, images or caricatures of "Bear" Bryant that depict the legendary coach as anything but a deity on par with God Almighty is considered blasphemous and highly offensive to Crimson Tide fans, akin to saying, "I don't get what the big deal is with NASCAR."

We here at the M Zone have struggled with the moral question of whether or not to reprint these explosive and offensive drawings. But as highly ethical journalists with no pictures to post today featuring semi-nude cheerleaders now acting in porno films, we looked deep inside our souls and said, "Fuck it. This shit is funny."

However, as a direct result of this decision supporting the First Amendment, freedom of the press and the right to procrastinate instead of working, the Sigma Chi house at the University of Alabama has issued a fatwas against us here at the M Zone. We do not take that lightly. Any time you piss off a substantial portion of the population in the deep south, it is a highly dangerous situation. Especially from those who don't read anything but the "red section" of USA TODAY and might not get the satiric nature of this post.

As such, please let it be noted for the record that Benny did the pictures you see here today and I, your humble correspondent, Yost, only wrote the text for this piece.

177 comments:

Anonymous
said...

Well, your bit about Auburn's mascot(s) certainly got plenty of attention from us down here, but let me say, this post was lacking something. Come on now, I now y'all've got better stuff than that. Perhaps, the quality of weed there is not what it used to be, otherwise your just kickin' a dead horse. We're used to people jokinin' 'bout the "Bear" after all he won six National Championships in 25 years at 'Bama, that's like... one ever four years. Not too shabby. For the sake of us all, I'm tokin' up and will be back with something worthy of y'all's forum.Unless, I forget.

I think you're a 'Bama fan judging from that comment but it's really hard to tell. Only thing I am sure of is, from the looks of your remarks, I don't think you were lying when you said you were toking up as you wrote that.

Yost, I still haven't forgiven you for that gruesome picture of Benny's best girl during my lunch break yesterday, but you went a long way toward making up for it by giving me some quality satire over my morning cup of coffee.

One question - In the first picture it appears to me that the person on the right is wearing a Tosu sweatshirt. Curious. I'm wondering if Ohio is intentionally fanning the flames of CrimsonTide nation in an effort to cause harm to Michigan football. Bastards. Perhaps we should ask Condi Rice to look into this matter for us.

Also, putting "Bear" Bryant into "Dogs Playing Poker" is sort of a dual blasphemy considering this masterpiece--found adorning the faux wood panelling of trailers throughout the region-- is considered of "The Last Supper" of the South.

Forgive them Bear for they know not what they do. Good grief guys, What were you thinking? Most Bama fans live here in the south. Have you never seen the movie Next of Kin. Also, messing with the Auburn fans isn't very bright either. To educate yourself on these people you need to watch Deliverance. Oh well I found both sets of pictures funny.Roll Tide Roll

you're a goob and are surrounded by goobs. satire is a wonderful thing until you become the object of it's barbs. speaking for all rednecks who have all of their teeth, and for the seven of us with postgraduate degrees, go fuck yourselves.

Another dumb Yankee taking shots at the South...and now you bring Louisiana into it. If you want to have an intelligent discussion regarding the historical reasons for sub-par education across portions of the South and your fine state's role in that, fine by me. By the way, since when is Michigan the height of cultural achievement? I can't think of one thing your state has contributed to the cultural identity of this country, except some fat ass drooling over "brats" (whatever the hell that is) on his grill in some frozen parking lot surrounded by the ugliest women this side of Kong Island...but that's pretty much the North in general, no?

As a longtome Bama fan, having attended Bama during 2 of Coach Bryant's national champs (1978 & 1979) , that is pretty dang funny stuff. I was also a Sigma Chi at Bama, so despite finding it funny, I am required to track you down and kill you. Nothing personal... Roll Tide!

I was hoping you'd get a little more mileage out of this one, Yost. Poking fun at those dumb-ass southerners and gettin' 'em riled up is always good for a belly laugh. But dang it, they're just not engaging in that hee-haw, funny manner that they usually do. Unfortunately, there are so few groups to make fun anymore in this politically correct age. Oh well, it is just satire, which is often a thinly veiled word for making fun of people that you think are inferior to you - (commonly observed among pseudo-intellectual undergraduates at State universties. Yeah, satire - that's the word). All in fun, all in fun.

That's damn funny Yost. However, while I may only be in the political center in, say, San Francisco, I fall off the left edge in Tuscaloosa. If I were a praying man I'd pray for your souls. When I was school (not THAT long ago) a number of my classmates thought all those "Dinasore" bones were buried by god to test our faith. I doubt they're going to understand your subtle humor here.

I knew something big had to be going down when I saw all that smoke rising from the area of the Quad. Man, it's going to be a total bitch to get to my class this afternoon. You think it'd be an "excused absence" if I'm rioting to protect the Bear's honor during class time?

Fucking hilarious. I have no dog in this fight (I'm from Seattle and went to Washington for God's sake), but I know enough 'bout college football to have disturbed the entire office with my laughter. Good one.

How dare you infidels desecrate the image of one of the world's great football coaches! To defend the honor and memory of "The Bear", I will now go torch The Brown Jug! China Gate's Chef Jan (winner-1978 Best Chef Award from Washingtonian Magazine), you're next!

I cant believe you would make funn of the baer. He was the greatest coach ever and you are just jealus of him. I wish everyone wasnt so jealus of us, the crimson tide. Yall just wish you had our respect. We have the greatest class and tradition and no one will ever match us. You yankees just don't know about football like we tide fans do. Roll Tide. The South will Rise again!

I was standing next to the Bear Bryant statue on Bear Bryant Drive outside the Bryant Museum adjusting my houndstooth hat, reaching for my bottle of Co-Cola and Golden Flake potato chips, when my cellphone tone (Yea, Alabama!) rang and notified me of this outrage. I got a speeding ticket next to Bryant-Denny Stadium because I was driving so fast to get back to my crimson house to post a reply.God bless you guys. You've made my day. Roll Tide.

Embassy Suites is good enough. And would love to come down to Alabama one of these days to catch the Iron Bowl. Tide and AU fans are some of the most passionate this college football fan has ever encountered.

Michigan the safe haven for pedophiles and terrorist. When we post a cartoon a depicting one of your hero pedophiles or terrorist I am sure you will begin to riot as well. Meaningless satire is cute, but when weak minded individuals like the people of Michigan began taking shots at the Bear I take it personal. And while you are trying make our outrage equivalent to terrorist, take a look around you, Detroit has a Provence for Al-Qadea called Dearborn. Ha. Scumbags.

hey booger eaters! yeah, you toolish aubarn fans. stop coming on to michigan blogs and attemptly to taunt us with you trailer talk. why don't you tell all these fine midwesterners how half your student body lives in trailer parks off wire road.sure, we love our dead coach, but at least i can stay in my house when the tonaders come through.

Awbarn sucks!!!:See article posted on Auburn whose response obviously sparked this article.Anon from about 4 posts up:Thank you for demonstrating for everyone who may not have the pleasure of seeing Bammers in their natural habitat that this satirical article is deeply rooted in truth.War Damn Eagle

lol wait are you trying to say that the muslim nation in the middle east are alabama fans??? what does a maggot and an alabama fan have in common??..........they both live of a dead bear for 20 years!!!!

You have broken the code. Bammers = Fanatical Muslims - the ones who would gladly kill themselves and innocent others on the promise of eternity with a few hairy-assed virgins. Most Bammers would sell their souls for five minutes with a diseased yak wearing a houndstooth hat.

The infidels will learn to keep thy tongues in mouth. sacrilegious connotations from an inferior race of hethens will not be tolerated. The blood of Yost will be spilled on a platter and fed to the barners. Thy head will be hoisted on a stake high atop Bryant Denny Stadium for all to mock as the pray towards it 5 times a day. Death to all infidel Yankees!!!

That you will smite the Wolverine NATION severely and without mercy henceforth and from this day forward; and that your WRATH last a THOUSAND years; and include SEVERELY cold weather; and in the short periods of respite from the cold, biting insects and LOCUSTS.

We would normally be compassionate, however they have BLASPHEMED THE COACH, Paul William Bryant (1913-1983)(323-85-17). As if that were not justification enough for calling for a POX upon their house, they are a BLUE state.

WE the BAMA nation do STRONGLY beseech thee LORD, to CURSE the 101 some odd thousand AND their progeny for a hundred generations; and that the WOLVERINE running backs shall be tentative when choosing a hole; that the Wolverine fullbacks be confounded and confused; and the passes of the Wolverine quarterbacks flutter and fall harmlessly to the ground for decades upon decades.

We STRONGLY call upon YOU Lord, to CURSE the houses of the WOLVERINE nation, so that ALL of their children be born without clothes.

We ask these things with the FULL expectation our PRAYERS will be fulfilled forthwith and beginning tomorrow morning.

Lord, if you have any questions about the football part of this, go up to the BIG house and ask Coach Bryant, he will explain it to you.

I really don't get this...the last month or so has seen three huge articles on the M-Zone that have drawn an enourmous amount of comments. One of them was the 'OSU fans least classy in the universe post,' which got a fair mix of apologetic (and some clueless) Buckeyes, mixed in with the occasional UM fan horror-story.

But what were the other two stories you ask? Stories that pitted Auburn vs Alabama? And where did the majority of those posts come from? A pdeudo-internet posting war of Auburn vs Alamaba fans?

Am I missing something here? I know you fellers round the M-Zone love to cast the Buckeyes as the most desparate and fanatical of all fans...but I don't think you'll see eighty-seven thousand comments on an Alabama blog from OSU fans about an OSU-Michigan story.

But hey, Yost at least you have a sound formula for generating a lot of conversation in a slow news week (but on second thought, with your coaching mix-up this isn't even a slow news week for you guys). Just post something about Alabama or Auburn, the comments will take care of themselves.

Haven't laughed this hard since last night when UcheaT laid 105 on Awbarn. By the way, when does Mike Davis joing your coaching staff? That was the rumor at my Wednesday morning gun club shoot around. Gypsy

So that you understand just how serious we take this unholy affront to all that is good, decent and, well, holy, we have Brian Griese in the dark recesses of a root cellar shoving Moon Pies, Fried Pork Skins and, well, other fried stuff down his mouth, until you print a 100 word retraction of this abomination. (oh yeah you can not use the word "really" more than twice).

May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your crotch pubs! Your days are numbered. Your campus will be attacked in waves of suicide bongers! Your Pabst will be laced with Anthrax (which will acutally improve the flavor, so scratch that one). The martyers will be granted eternity of watching the 1999 Orange Bowl (except in heaven's version we didn't blow the extra point).

I'm currently a senior Sigma Chi at Bama. My dad was in the house a couple years before your time. Over the past couple of years, the house gone through some major renovations. It looks great. Yall stop by some when you're in town for a game.

Me being a Michigsn fan, I am a outsider to the Alabama/Abarn rivalry. But i can honestly say that everyone here in Ann Arbor knows who the Crimson Tide is, but when it comes to the University of auburn nobody knows anything. Matter of fact, some even ask why a school in the great state of Michigan is such a big rival of Alabama. With as much great history and tradition as Alabama, one would wonder why their biggest rival is a second tier school such as auburn. It might be the 2nd biggest rivalry in college football, but as a fan i'd rather see Alabama play a team like Tennessee. Even top tier programs like Michigan, Bama, Penn State or Notre Dame have to play the lower class teams like ohio tech or auburn community college to fill out a conference schedule. When auburn posts decades of winning records, bowl wins and championships you can then come around and discuss real football. Otherwise you will always be irrelevant. Have a nice day!

Oh, Coach Bryant, why hast thou turned thy face away from my prayerful request for thou to smite the great Satan that is the Wolverine nation and this cyber tool by which their venom of satire is spread?!!

Funny how the intellectual giants up north always make fun of the dumb south. A few interesting facts: 1. There are more college graduates per capita in the South than in the North. 2. Care to guess what city has the largest percentage of PhDs in the country...Knoxville, TN 3. The southern dialect of english is the closest of any modern dialect to Elizabethan (sp?) english. As far as the pics of Bear, I'm going to do what I think those rioting towel heads should do...laugh. Hey, I bleed Crimson and White, but it's just a joke.

I am another who wondered why all the smoke was emanating from the campus recently. CNN did show up with a camera crew, but since no one was bashing the USA or torching Old Glory, they went back to their jihad of finding someone to swear that things were better under Saddam. The more I saw the more I realized the similarity on the Ohio State campus my freshman year when the local intellectuals trashed the Administration Building and burned the Horticulture and Forestry Building to the ground for a cause that no one even remembers-or was quite sure of at the time. Congrats on being so in tune with the times. That Denmark sounds like a swinging place, we ought to drive up there some weekend. RTR

That was really big of you write an article about Bama fans when only a hand full of us can actually read. Next time please put your thoughts into a pop up book and I am sure you will get more responses.

In the Name of Bear Most Dead I come with protestations. Your picture of the the Great One with the poker dogs clearly did not involve enough bottles of the "Sacred Juice", which allows a state of transcendence. This state is what allowed Bear, Praise His Name, to give us the unearthly quotes and mumbles that only those worthy could understand, blessed be their names. You will obviously rot in Kansas.

what will the barn change their name to next? While Bama wins Championships, the barn changes their name, trying to hide their identity of being a cow college. East Alabama Male College, Agricultural and Mechanical College of Alabama, Alabama Polytechnic Institute and Auburn University. Thats FOUR names since the doors were opened up at the barn. Since we all know the barn will NEVER compete for a National title, the million dollar question is what will be the barn's FIFTH name? ROLL TIDE!!!!

The barn is one to talk about National Championships, atleast Bama's titles are legit, while the barn has to rely on making their own 'barnyard champs' title for a #2 finish on a down year in the SEC. LMAO@ the toothless barner inbreds!

May all you vile Michigan (and Auburn) infidels lick the scrotum and unwiped anus of Bo Schembechler just before the ghost of Coach Wayne Woodrow Hayes inserts his "woody" and bucks the redeye out of that willing, blue-faced wolverine.

bamagrad85, take a look at that site and thats exactly why I say legit NC's and D-1A NCAA don't belong in the same sentence, no matter what team you pull for.

If I follow that site, then Oklahoma was Co National Champs despite losing to LSU in 03... sure ok.

I don't claim 04 Auburn, and I don't claim 93 or 83 which according to that site 93 and 83 I could. I also don't care how many NC's Bama has or claims,take all 17 and find some more from 20's if you guys like, all but one of them occured before I was even born and have absolutly no bearing on the now. What happened in 1921 is not going to get Bama through Auburn and LSU, and admit it or not the road to even getting to the SECG goes through those two universities in the present.

When I was at the University of Texas I didn't run around to OU fans going oh, well you won today but according to this website we won X NC's in the 60's.

It was just so hurtful when walking out of Jordan-Hare when one of your sidewalk alumni would run up and yell national champs 1912 take that!

Funny stuff, M Zone! Btw, where can a Bama-loving, carny worker find a for real "Bear Playing Poker" painting to hang in his half-camper? This was worth waking up to, tying a two-by-four to my a**, and poking the Bearded Lady. Go Big Blue and Roll Tide!

The NC's must be very important and remain in every Alabama fan's mind. After losing to Auburn four years in a row and showing no sign that they can dethrone Auburn as the best program in the state, the NC memories is all they've got. War Damn Eagle, here's to the best school and football team in Alabama.

The ole obsession argument huh. The reason that people from Auburn laugh at them is because of things like your Got 12 t-shirt. Plus its the only comeback Alabama fans have had for the past 4 years.

Mean really, Southern Cal in that 78 example had the better record and beat Alabama head to head on Alabama's home field. And Alabama still claims the NC over them legit? Reverse the roles and I bet Bama wouldn't say but the website says so.

How about when Bama went on probation. Oh it won't matter, we are Alabama the greatest team, who had the greatest coach, with the greatest tradition. Kids everywhere will still want to play for the Crimson regardless of if they got a scholarship or not. It won't affect us, we will win 2 NC's on probation. Now you hear but we were on probation and we were down. Guess all that tradition didn't quite work out like it was suppose to.

The reason Auburn laughs at them is because you have Bama fans everyday running around using those 12 NC's in every single sentence they can create. Hey see that, Brodie sacked 11 times. Oh ya, well we still got one more NC than you got sacks. Here is 12 dollars and keep the change. Thank you sir, btw did you know that 12 is also the number of NC's Alabama has, thanks for choosing Papa Johns. We sentence you to 12 years for your crime, awesome thats the same number of NC's Bama has.

I actually saw some people conversing over how many astronauts have come from Alabama and Auburn due to Alabama's recent one, congrats btw. A guy actually brought up the 12 NC's because Auburn had more astronauts, and you wonder why we make fun of them.

Plus you turn the color of your uniforms when they are made fun of and its pretty funny. And sure, they are fun to brag about and a source of pride.. but there is a limit to using them that Bama fans havn't quite grasped.

But ya'll keep referring to the 60's and I'll take the current NC with Texas and Auburns current 4 win streak (the second in my lifetime, which Alabama has not done once during).

And btw, just cause you migrate from Athens, Cullman, Slapout, Clanton, or any other multitude of low population country town to Tuscaloosa.. it doesn't make you cosmo.

When Bear Bryant was born he came out of his mother's womb in a perfect three point stance.

Bear Bryant never had to peel an orange he simply compelled his oranges to peel themselves. This rarely happened because Bear Bryant was a meat and potatoes man.

Bear Bryant didn't pay hookers. Hookers paid Bear Bryant.

Bear drank Wild Turkey and peed domesticated chicken.

When the people of the future called on Bear Bryant to defeat the invading hordes of alien cyborgs he did so with perfect blocking, tackling, and ball protection.

When Alabama is caught paying players, Bear Bryant does not turn over in his grave; Rather the entire universe shifts around him.

Bear Bryant had no tear ducts, nor did he need them.

Bear Bryant's liver is acknowledged by Southern Baptists as their only official miracle.

During an unwelcome thunderstorm at his famous training camp in Junction, Texas Bear Bryant leapt into the sky to speak with Thor. No one knows what was said but it hasn't rained in Texas since.

Bear Bryant wasn't an alcoholic, water just wouldn't let him close enough to drink.

Since Bear Bryant was busy with recruiting season when the Beatles recorded Sgt. Pepper he was unavailable for their album cover. They attempted to approximate his greatness by adding over 90 other famous people. They failed.

If Bear Bryant ever made love to another man's wife, the man cried - TEARS OF JOY.

If you drink a thirty year old Bear Bryant commemorative Coca-Cola it will taste like a brand new Coca-Cola, only better.

When an irresistible force meets an immovable object, whichever one is Bear Bryant wins.

Bear Bryant's face has not yet appeared on any currency. This is only because the world doesn't have enough wealth yet to equal a single Bryantillion. However, his face did once appear on the single perfect Golden Flake chip.

Sad that Auburn's lack of NCs has caused you to pull for a different school just for NC purposes.

BTW, it's not about what Bama claims or doesn't claim. It's been documented by unbiased sources:

http://www.ncaa.org/champadmin/ia_football_past_champs.html

Once again, your post indicates your obsession with Bama's NCs. (Discussion of Bama's NCs occupied more than 80% of your post.) Why don't you type 100 more post about your lack of obsession with Bama and Bama's NCs? That might be convincing.

I guess four consecutive wins over Bama is as good as it gets for barners. So keep clinging to that laurel.

Astronauts? Last time I check, this was a thread about college football. Proud that some AU grads have been in space? So have chimps. Were they AU grads, too? Too bad all of you AU grads can't be rocketed into space. I'd make a contribution to make it happen.

Auburn won the Iron Bowl dude. That's four Iron Bowls in a row, and now bama fears the thumb.Notice when anything smacks of criticism how quickly bana fans turn to the subject of MNCs (mythical nat. championships). There is an old saying, "people who like to dwell on the past are afraid of the future."IAs of today, 2/18/06, it's been 1554 days since bama beat Auburn.

Bamagrad,NC's have no bearing on why I am a Texas fan also. People do attend more than one university. I went to the University of Texas and to Auburn University.

Your discussion was why Auburn makes fun of your NC's. To answer those remarks you have to discuss the NC's. Staying on topic is a obsession? If the discussion was over why the sky is blue, then 80% of the post would have been about the sky being blue.

That website is a list of opinion polls. I forgot that sportswriters that participate in those polls are unbiased. There are several Auburn and Texas NC's on there that neither claims. Should they now claim them cause they are documented on that site?

The astronaut part was just a pefect illustration of how Bama fans toss out the 12 NC's at every turn. And I'll gladly get a degree in Aerospace Engineering and spend another four years in college if you will foot the bill.

And it might just be me, but winning now while I'm here is alot more fun than losing and saying remember the 60's.

I'll give it to you, your good at dodging. You attack the present and get a response to the present and then refer to the past. They must teach that at Bama, cause all of you do it.

You take shots at Auburns current win streak and then what do you do, go back 14 years (may as well been the 60's) and start naming NC's cause even your 10 win team this year still couldn't get it done against Auburn yet again. It took all of 8 minutes to beat that team.

Earlier you said that the championships on that site were legit, and it had nothing to do with Alabama claiming. Yet they don't take all 17 (obviously they are picking and chosing). Why is that? Could it be because of those past systems, almost all years naming multiples, that almost all are subject to debate.

And your honestly going to tell me if a team won a NC over Alabama who they had a better overall record than and beat on that teams home field you wouldn't question it.

All NCs can be debated, including Bama's 12 (or 17) and Auburn's 1 (or 3 or 4). That's why a playoff system is needed.

I've not taken shots at "Auburn's current winning streak." (Considering the fact that Auburn lost their last game, I assume you're talking about the streak over Bama.) I merely pointed out that all of these things we have discussed here are history: AU's streak over Bama, Bama's 38 wins over AU, the NCs for both schools, the SEC titles for both schools, etc.

Ancient History is Ancient History. Auburn won six of the first seven Iron Bowls, including the very first one. Hear any Auburn fans bragging about that? No, because clearly no one gives a shit about the late 1800s and early 1900s.

Let's talk about my life as a 23 year old recent graduate.Since I've been alive Auburn has clearly been the better school.

Since I was born in October of 1982, Auburn is far ahead in the series (14-10).

The Bahr has been dead since I can remember. Bo Jackson, on the other hand, I can recall watching play.

I know I certainly enjoyed never losing a single game to Bama throughout my entire college career. Maybe the kids my age (and in Brodie Croyle's class) enjoyed never ever knowing what it's like to have won an Iron Bowl while they were in college, because they know that they won a National Championship when they were in the 5th grade, and handful of other questionable ones that they never where alive to see.

What about those up and coming Freshmen from this year's recruiting class? The Bahr had already rotted to dust by the time they were born. Alabama hadn't beaten Auburn once since those kids were in Jr. High School.

Alabama fans remind me of Corey Feldman, Pauley Shore, or Vanilla Ice crying onto an old magazine with their face on the cover screaming "I used to BE somebody!"

Anon: "Ancient History is Ancient History. Auburn won six of the first seven Iron Bowls, including the very first one. Hear any Auburn fans bragging about that? No, because clearly no one gives a shit about the late 1800s and early 1900s."

BG: "You JUST DID brag about it. I hear about it often from AU fans in regard to the fact that 'AU leads the on-campus series versus Bama going back to the 19th century.'"

Anon: "Let's talk about my life as a 23 year old recent graduate.Since I've been alive Auburn has clearly been the better school. Since I was born in October of 1982, Auburn is far ahead in the series (14-10)."

BG: "Conveniently, that period includes the years of Auburn's best coach and excludes the years of Bama's best coach. You were born right after Bama's nine-year winning streak over Auburn. Even then, you lived to witness one unanimous national championship for Alabama, but none for Auburn.

Even more recent history -- for the past 15 years (you would have been 8 in 1990?) Bama leads the series over AU 8 to 7. Before the four-year streak it Bama led 8 to 3.

Let's talk about MY lifetime. During that period, Bama has earned seven NCs, 16 SEC titles and the most 'SEC West titles' as well as an extension of the program's records for most 10-win seasons, most bowl appearances and most bowl wins. Furthermore, during my lifetime I witnessed a UA head coach become the winningest HC in college football history. Even the two HCs who have surpassed him in wins in recent years humbly confess that he was the greatest HC to ever coach the game. Of course, one of them had a losing record versus Coach Bryant and the other considered him a mentor and keeps a bust of Coach Bryant in his office to this day. Both the AP NC trophy and the national coach of the year award bear his name."

Anon: "The Bahr has been dead since I can remember. Bo Jackson, on the other hand, I can recall watching play."

BG: "I thought you AU fans didn't care about discussing history? It's been about 20 years since Bo Jackson played. You were three or four years old during his senior season."

Anon: "I know I certainly enjoyed never losing a single game to Bama throughout my entire college career. Maybe the kids my age (and in Brodie Croyle's class) enjoyed never ever knowing what it's like to have won an Iron Bowl while they were in college, because they know that they won a National Championship when they were in the 5th grade, and handful of other questionable ones that they never where alive to see."

BG: "Once again, congratulations on your school's four-year streak versus a team that had three different coaches and the equivalent of an entire recruiting season's worth of scholarships cut. Bama fans are proud of this group's determination to stay with the program during this difficult period of much turmoil, which culminated in a 10-win season in 2005. They also managed to extend Bama's national records of most 10-win seasons, most bowl appearances and most bowl wins. Sure, it would have been great to have beaten the Barn. However, not beating the Barn during this difficult time doesn't tarnish this team's other accomplishments. Hilarious that you put down Bama, yet cling to this four-year streak like it was four national championships. I guess beating a program of UA's stature for a small streak is as good as it gets for AU."

Anon: "What about those up and coming Freshmen from this year's recruiting class? The Bahr had already rotted to dust by the time they were born. Alabama hadn't beaten Auburn once since those kids were in Jr. High School."

BG: "'The Bahr had already rotted to dust?' Sooner or later, that Auburn class can't help but shine through. What's next? Jokes about John Marks Stallings?"

Anon: "Alabama fans remind me of Corey Feldman, Pauley Shore, or Vanilla Ice crying onto an old magazine with their face on the cover screaming 'I used to BE somebody!'"

BG: "Which is worse? A so-called has-been? Or a never-was-never-will-be who obsesses about the so-called 'has-been' and is extremely proud of beating the so-called has-been four times in a row? I hope you enjoyed the past four years, that sort of success over Bama rarely happens for the Barn. It took three UA coaching changes and a reduction of 24 UA scholarships for AU to make it happen this time. Salute!

Auburn fans remind me of the little brother who, for many years, was abused by his big brother. Little brother punched big brother a few times when big brother was under the weather, then bragged about it as if he had won the heavyweight title. Big brother is feeling much better now. Little brother better be on guard."

In your analogy, "Little Brother" has clearly grown up to be the bigger man of the family who now can lay his older, arthiritic brother out cold with ease.Good luck next year now that you're "feeling better" with that stellar recruiting class, coaching staff, and returning starter team you have coming up. I think it's pretty safe to say that you'll need it in Bryant Denny (better known as Tommy Tubberville Stadium or Jordan Hare West) in which you have still never been able to handle us on your own turf.

Please don't set yourself up for disappointment. In Tuberville's entire coaching career (as a head coach), he has only managed to win more than 9 games once. (It took him about 10 years to do that. Something that Shula achieved in his third year while coaching a team that was suffering from major scholarship cuts.) I don't think there's need to name any stadium after Tubby at this point. He's 5-6 versus Bama in spite of the fact that Bama has had four different coaches during that 11-game stretch. It took three coaching changes and the removal of 24 scholarships from the Tide for Tubby to achieve four of those five wins.

In short, if you seriously think the past four years are an accurate indication of Auburn's future you will soon be sadly disappointed. Little brother hasn't grown up. Little brother has had a brief period of success while big brother was ill. Big brother is feeling much better and will put little brother back in his place soon. I don't blame you. Enjoy and brag about the four-game streak while you can. Bama's scholarships are being restored. Auburn's little heyday will soon end . . . as it has numerous times in the past following small periods of success.

Then if your using all the excuses for the losses then you have to apply them to Auburn as well.

How many wins over Auburn come from Barfields days, obviously the worst coach and period for AU football while Bama had its best coach.

Bama likes to poke fun at our probation, so how many wins for Bama came while we under.

Bowden walked out on the team, then Oliver took over for half the season, then we hired Tuberville.

I myself have never used either of those as a excuse for losing to Bama nor plan to. You put the better team on the field those years and executed during the game.

If Bama fans would just say congrats, see ya next year you probably wouldn't catch the flack about using the past. But instead after a loss to Auburn most make up an excuse (almost all the ones that you used about the current Auburn streak Auburn could use also somewhere) and start talking about how many NC's they got rather than saying good game.

That was my point about Texas and Oklahoma. No excuses, no pointing to the past, no attempts to belittle their current accomplishments. We owned up to the fact that we were Oklahoma's bitch.

And if your gonna tell me that Bear was clean.... Dye, Ford, Dubose, Sherril, Stallings etc etc. All Bear's boys, all associated with programs recieving probation. Why I find the Fulmer thing funny, did Fulmer sell out Bama to save Tenn.. ya I think he did. Same thing that Bear used to do to the rest of the SEC. That coming from a relative that recieved a law degree from Alabama and whose husband did undergrad at Alabama in the 70's.

I will give you this, and only this BamaGrad. You are formulating complete sentences with minimal spelling errors. This is highly uncharacteristic of a post from any Bammer. I suppose that is due to the "Grad" portion of your name. You're the exception to the rule. The Bama fan who actually has ties to the college. For that matter, the Bama fan who actually completed the third grade.

You're a wealth of information. Sure, Bryant was so fearful of the Barn that he sold them out. It sure was gracious of Shug to endure Bryant-inflicted probations without turning Bryant in for all of his misdeeds.

Crediting Bryant with the misdirected actions of his pupils is dumber than dumb.

Like all successful NCAA football coaches, Bryant was constantly under the NCAA's microscope. He was under the news media's microscope as well. One prominent magazine tried to smear him. Bryant won his case in court and the magazine no longer exists.

If you can link us to some third-party proof of Bryant's misdeeds, please do so. Otherwise, your claims come off as the rantings of goofy barner.

Beating a team that's handicapped by major scholarship cuts is no great accomplishment. I don't know how many scholarships AU lost during those years you mentioned, but I seriously doubt that AU was ever penalized 24 scholarships in a three-year period (which equals almost one entire recruiting class).

And, yes, it was no great accomplishment for Bama to beat Auburn during Auburn's down years.

Two unhindered programs running at full strength make for a much more interesting rivalry. During the few times this has happened during my lifetime, the atmosphere surrounding the Iron Bowl was electric.

IMHO, Tuberville's greatest accomplishment was the perfect season in 2004 topped off by a SEC title and bowl win. Beating a strong UT team twice during 2004 was a great accomplishment was much more impressive than beating UA during this time of turmoil and major scholarship cuts.

We'll know much more about Tuberville's coaching ability in the longrun when he has to face a full strength Tide each year. In the next 4-5 years if he is able to win more than 9 games and defeat Bama annually, I will declare him one of college football's outstanding modern coaches. Also, if that happens, Auburn will indeed establish itself as one of the true college football powers of the current decade -- which will make it very difficult for Bama to thrive. At this point, it's not a given. Of course, that's my "Bammer opinion" after closely watching the UA-AU rivalry for about 40 years. Only time will tell.

You may disagree with Bear being dirty, but that statement came from people with UofA diploma's hanging on their walls that were there under his years. So it was goofy bammers. I can show you where Wayne Hall was shown by NCAA investigation to be innocent, but Bama fans to this day still claim him the bag man for Auburn.

Tuberville has held his own against Fulmer, Richt, and Saban. Those 3 programs have been pretty stout over the years. He has beaten both of your recent 10 win teams. Dye was successful against a full Bama, Tiny Tot was successful against a full Bama.

I don't see Bama getting all its schollies back spelling doom for anyone. Nor do I see any one university becoming the all powerful benchmark above all the others.

I began reading these posts and became irritated about all of the jokes about dumb southerners. I continued reading the posts by southerners and began to think that you may have a point. Then it became appatent that the bammers (Alabama fans,) not southerners in general, are the idiots.

^This is news to no one. Except perhaps the Michigan fans who don't know the difference in a Bammer and a citizen of the state of Alabama.For further clarification, just take Jeff Foxworthy's whole act and substitute "Bammer" for "Redneck," and you should get the idea.

After going back and checking, I realized that I had looked at an out-of-date list on the internet that ended with the 2004 game. Therefore, from 1990-2004, Bama led 8-7. For the past 16 years, it's tied 8-8. Before AU's four-year run, it was 8-4 in Bama's favor. Depending on various groupings of years, it appears to be in AU's favor, UA's favor or tied. The overall series, however, is definitely 38-31-1 in Bama's favor.

So you say that the mark of a good fan is getting all fired up about a team in the middle of February...Well then where does that leave all the loony Buckeye fans that are willing to fist fight over AJ-Hawk-is-a-cheater allegations? Lol, just had to do it.

I've let this thread run for a few days before commenting at all. I would only say that any discussion of Alabama football should include the required reading of an old Colliers magazine article. The link is:

www.geocities.com/bafflemasters/colliers.htm

As you see, the article is about chrating going on at Alabama all the way back to the early 40s. The interesting part, which gives the article credibility that even the most ardent Bama fan can't deny, is the article's author. William Bradford Huie is a distinguished Pulitizer Prize Winning author and.......is a grad of Alabama!!! Futheremore he writes from first hand experience, he was there and was part of it.

It continues to this day. The latest way Bama is cheating is having boosters give player prepaid credit cards through the mail with no return address. They use these just like cash but they are almost impossible to trace. It's kind of like you walking in a store and buying a prepaid telephome card and mailing it to a friend annonimously. Slick huh??

Well that previous post may have been from a non-SEC Grad meaning "I didn't go to school but I'm an Auburn fan". Anyway since that link goes nowhere maybe ya'll should try this one:http://www.theplainsman.net/ubbthreads/showflat.php?Cat=&Number=50682&Main=50682 It covers some details published by Auburn's highly regarded history professor Wayne Flynt. It casts an unsavory light on both UA and AU, one that I'm sure is not unique to just these two schools during the early and middle 20th century.

Mr. Bama Grad has kept me laughing constantly with his stupid and long winded (long worded applies better here) comments that no one cares to read. What this imbred fails to realize is that Bama has become a joke to the Auburn people everywhere...not just in sports, but as a whole University.

Here are just a couple of reasons UAT are a complete joke:

1)Three Coaches in One Year

2)11 Sacks...(Iron Bowl was over after one quarter)

3) QB Brodie Croyle makes a genius comment following Iron Bowl,"If you look past the first quarter, we won the game 18-7." Can someone please inform Brodie before the NFL draft that football games are 4 whole quarters.

8) Lastly, If you haven`t been to a game in T`town (not missing much), you have not seen the Bama Nation. Example of Typical Bammer: Crimson Tide 1979 National Champs Sweat suit from head to toe, Hand painted UAT Keds, 3 and 1/2 teeth, Long Mullet, Dirty Sanchez mustache, smelling like a peice of fried bologna.

Along with the other goofy things they make up to make themselves feel better about being barners is the desire to envision their school as the "Harvard of the South" in academics.

Three posts above mine, a goofy barner claims that UA gets AU's leftovers. His rationale is that the minimal ACT score for admission at UA is 17 and the minimal ACT score for admission to AU is 24.

More misinformation from a goofy barner! The AVERAGE ACT score for freshman at AU AND UA is approximately 24. This wouldn't be possible if the minimal standards were as this goofy barner had listed for both schools.

Furthermore, unlike AU, no one has recently threatened to remove UA's accreditation. (For those of you unfamiliar with this, go to google and type in "Auburn" and "accreditation.")

To AU anon:

You posted "Mr. Bama Grad has kept me laughing constantly with his stupid and long winded (long worded applies better here) comments that no one cares to read. What this imbred fails to realize is that Bama has become a joke to the Auburn people everywhere...not just in sports, but as a whole University."

If you disagree with any portion of any of my "stupid and long winded" posts, please point it out.

If Bama is "a joke" why are you barners so thrilled to have beaten Bama in football in recent years? Why is AU 38-31-1 vs. "a joke"?

Alright BamaGrad, I'm sure you are very proud of your University, as you should be but you show your own ignorance by resorting to name calling("barners...inbreds") Do you forget that you live in Alabama(Wait isn't that the name of your school) Alabama is a state grown on the backs of hard working farmers, who are the best in the south. And the imbred statement means you have conformed to the idiocy of some northen states and west coast states stereotyping of the south and attempting to put down our intelect. I'm sure you've forgotten that since the city in which you went to school closely resembled the slums and gettos of the larger cities in the north. So before you try to put down Auburn fans, be careful not to do so in a way that you yourself can't be group into that insult.

anonymous said..."Well, your bit about Auburn's mascot(s) certainly got plenty of attention from us down here, but let me say, this post was lacking something. Come on now, I now y'all've got better stuff than that. Perhaps, the quality of weed there is not what it used to be, otherwise your just kickin' a dead horse. We're used to people jokinin' 'bout the "Bear" after all he won six National Championships in 25 years at 'Bama, that's like... one ever four years. Not too shabby. For the sake of us all, I'm tokin' up and will be back with something worthy of y'all's forum.Unless, I forget."

Of course a Bama fan wouldn't find this funny.Sure, they possess the cognitive capacity to understand such high-brow humor as "Hu huh. They say War Eagle, but they're Tigers!" But when it comes to political humor satirizing current events, that is completely over their heads.

BamaGrad1985 said..."There is one group of fans who is more obsessed with Bama's national championships that Bama fans: Auburn fans."

I'd just like to point out that I never would have known of the existance of the M-Zone, and thus found this article, if I hadn't been forwarded an email with a link to the Auburn Mascot page by every stupid Bammer I know.

In an attempt to bring the state of Alabama together this Auburn fan wants to ask these Michigan folks if their school combined with their biggest rival Ohio State have as many former players in the NFL. I'm not exactly sure of the number but Auburn is a bit over 20 and Bama has just about that many. So combined we're at about 40 or so. Thought that would be a nice alternate route for this blog. I'll check the facts and ya'll let me know.

"I cant believe you would make funn of the baer. He was the greatest coach ever and you are just jealus of him. I wish everyone wasnt so jealus of us, the crimson tide. Yall just wish you had our respect. We have the greatest class and tradition and no one will ever match us. You yankees just don't know about football like we tide fans do. Roll Tide. The South will Rise again!"

1.) JEALOUS2.) Knute Rockne is the greatest coach ever.3.) Notre Dame has the greatest tradition, good class too.4.) I am not a Notre Dame fan.5.) Why is this man trying to start a rebellion in the South?

someone wants attention, well you got it because you went after something people care about. anyway, good for you and hope you got your dick hard kid.... the bear does hold a place with so many, it has alot to do with the fact that during the civil rights movement most white southernerns were very much against what was going on. it was not a good time,and people around the world only knew what the media said, because that is what dumb people do they only listen to the media reports. the media of course always wants to paint a very dark picture. anyhow, Bear Bryant gave the people something to feel good about and it was football and beating the shit out of every team north and west. Bear did more for civil rights by signing black players to play than most civil rights leaders, that is just the way it is. the people saw that when the Bear played black players that they had to pull for them. this helped to bring black and white people closer. so the Bear was more than just a coach he was a symbol of the time, and one who made poor whites who hated racism more than anyone in the country (outside of the minorities themselves)feel good if only for a while and beat up on the people who looked down on them. so maybe you can understand a little now, you uneducated kid. keep up the weak ass writing though, i am sure you make real writers feel good about their skills. peace

Growing up in Alabama in the 1960's, Coach Bryant gave us a pride in a state that had little to be proud of. He recruited 6 national championship teams largely from within a state whose population was one fourth that of Michigan, broke racial barriers, and all but reinvented this time honored game.Now, 40 years later, I can certainly understand your pride in Michigan football. As residents of a state whose largest city has more abandoned homes than the South has trailer parks, whose biggest holiday is "Devils Night", and whose largest industry produces millions of automobiles that nobody wants, it's comforting you folks can look to Michigan football as a source of pride, just as we once did in Alabama.God bless Bo.. and God bless the Bear. ps: if you need a Mercedes, Honda, or Hyundai, we make all 3 in Alabama.

IC - China Gate is great! I live in the DC area so I loved the Washingtonian reference. Oddly enough, it's hard to find some of the dishes they have at China Gate. My girlfriend loves the gingerfish, but can never find something close to it at any of the local places. A buddy of mine also loves the Emperor's Chicken and can't find it either.

So... Mrs. Boclive wanted to watch the BBC America channel and ponied up for an extra tier from the local cable monopoly. We now pay nearly the same as the monthly payment for the Audi R8 for monthly cable, the only difference being I will never own the cable.One by-product of that is we now receive the "Big-Ten" channel.

So... being an avid/rabid college football fan my plan is to put it on the "Big-Ten" channel, turn up the volume til it's uncomfortably loud, back it down two notches, and go to sleep on the couch.

What's up with the guided learning in the Psych. dept.? Ya'll are too slow to need that kind of help academically. For the kind of footspeed ya'll have you could have recruited players that could pass a test on their own.

Not that I'd throw stones. But your commissioner took the moral high ground on the SEC not too long ago, and well, uh, the irony of it and all... ROLL TIDE.

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