Friday, July 9, 2010

IT WILL BE CHANGED....FOR GOOD: Allegedly in the running to direct Wicked: The Movie Musical? J.J. Abrams, James Mangold (Knight and Day, Walk The Line), Ryan Murphy, and Rob Marshall. Somewhere, there's a Glee fan erupting with the idea of Lea Michele (who could sing the part) as Elphaba and Dianna Agron (who couldn't) as Galinda. And while Chenoweth and Menzel were great in the original production, I think Rent taught us well that this is perhaps not a wise choice for characters who are supposed to be quite young. So, who do you cast (Nikki Finke's commenters seem to push heavily an Anne Hathaway/Amanda Seyfried pairing), and who should direct?

1:12 p.m.: Cliff Lee for eternal souls of baseball fans under age of 60 plus permanent drilling rights in all US coastal waters and ANWR rights through 2510 "just waiting for formality of agency, devil approval; already greenlit by heaven"

THAT EXIT TOWARD THE DARK SIDE LEADS YOU: Yes, you can now have Yoda, Darth Vader, and C-3P0 direct you on your TomTom. (And the videos are awesome.) Han Solo voice arrives in August, and will explain to you how to make the Kessel Run in less than 12 parsecs.

Anyone want to participate in the casting or rewriting? Or should we just sit back, assume that they'll let Matthew Morrison reprise the role of Lt. Cable, and hope that "tougher, more realistic" doesn't quite mean we're getting the graphic realism of HBO's The South Pacific.

Thursday, July 8, 2010

ON SELF-EVIDENT TRUTHS: We've done what I consider to be a decent job avoiding the whole Lindsay Lohan meltdown, despite my own keen emotional investment in the case -- something I won't tell you about now, so that you can read about it later in the chapter of my memoir entitled "Get Off My Lawn, You Damn Kids." I find it impossible to avoid today, though, as Lohan, in her only official comment on her 90 (but probably 23)-day jail/90-day inpatient rehab sentence for violation of the terms of her probation, had this to tweet:

It is clearly stated in Article 5 of the U.N. Universal Declaration of Human Rights that "No one shall be subjected to torture or to cruel, inhuman or degrading treatment or punishment." This was taken from an article by Erik Luna.. "November 1 marked the 15th anniversary of the U.S. Sentencing Guidelines. But there were no celebrations, parades, or other festivities in honor of this punishment scheme created by Congress and the U.S. Sentencing Commission.... Instead, the day passed like most others during the last 15 years: Scores of federal defendants sentenced under a constitutionally perverted system that saps moral judgment through its mechanical rules."

May I respond?

Lohan was in state court, and the Sentencing Guidelines are federal.

Lohan was not harmed by any mandatory minimum imposed by any law or guideline, since the law permitted the judge to impose no additional sentence (beyond that already served) but decided on her own to impose more than the minimum.

Actually, Lohan did originally receive a statutory minimum sentence of 96 hours of jail time, 48 of which was erased by election into two weeks of community service, and the remaining 48 hours of which was served by a "look-and-leave" -- surrendering to jail shortly before midnight and leaving shortly after midnight, which gives the prisoner credit for two calendar days. That would have been it if she had been willing to comply with the terms of her probation.

It is impossible to argue cogently that the judge followed "mechanical rules" in this case or failed to exercise "moral judgment," whether or not you agreed with that judgment.

So 90.05 (or probably 23.05) days of special-circumstances confinement and 90 days of rehab constitutes "cruel, inhuman, or degrading treatment or punishment" for a person who crashed a car, lied about it, carjacked another car, tried to use it as a weapon, and falsely accused two other people of driving it, all while either drinking or doing coke? Take it away, other Isaac:

No rich young white guy has ever gotten anywhere with me comparing himself to Rosa Parks.

ACTUALLY, NO, I'M PRETTY SURE THAT RIGHT NOW I CAN'T DANCE: So far this season, we've seen the following dances: contestant-all-star; contestant-contestant; contestant-alumnus; contestant-choreographer's assistant; all-star-all-star; group dance with all-stars; group dance without all-stars; contestant solo. I'm putting my money on seeing contestant-judge, all-star-assistant, and alumnus-homeless person in the next few weeks.

CLEAR EYES! FULL HEARTS! WILL STILL LIKELY LOSE, BUT IT'S NICE TO SEE THEM NOMINATED: 2010 Primetime Emmy nominations are out. Love, love that in Variety/Comedy/Musical, Conan got nominated but not Jay or Dave, and of all the seasons not to nominate "Survivor" for best reality series, really?

A few more thoughts: As TPE noted as well, I don’t understand how you can nominate three supporting actors from Modern Family and not have Rico Rodriguez as one of them. That kid is aces.

The Office had nine Emmy nominations last year; it has four this year. That strikes me as at least one too many still (Best Comedy Series?), but at least one of the four was the writing for the wedding episode. Non-Carrell actors: shut out. Alongside the wedding episode, comedy writing noms went to the Glee and Modern Family pilots (but not Fizbo?) and two mediocre 30 Rocks. [P.S. The Daily Show episode that received the writing nomination was the Glenn Beck parody.]

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

THE FASCISTS OF THE FORTIES FANDANGO: Today's Spain-Germany World Cup semifinal doesn't lend itself to the kind of discussion that yesterday's paean to all things Dutch (and any things Uruguayan) engendered. These aren't quirky little beloved countries, but each former holders of the Dominant Global Superpower title, albeit one more recently than the other. Spain has the better food and art; Germany superior car design and beer, and I'm calling it a draw on Contemporary Film Directors Who Are A Bit Nuts (Almodovar v Herzog) ... so do we just talk about who has the better football side?

DO YOU CRAVE IT FORTNIGHTLY? Today is apparently National Fried Chicken Day, so we should discuss the wonders of battered and fried poultry, such as which chain provides the best fried chicken, what are appropriate sides with fried chicken, and, of course, white meat or dark meat. (My answers--Popeyes, cajun rice at Popeyes/mashed potatoes pretty much everywhere else, and mixed.)

HUP HUP: In recognition of today's World Cup semifinal match, please say something nice about the Netherlands -- including but not limited to their customs as to who pays on a date, or their egg yolk plus butter plus lemon juice sauces -- or anything, anything you know about Uruguay.

HEY, HEY, GIVE 'EM WHAT THEY WANT: Speaking of celebrity voiceovers, I just heard 10,000 Maniacs' "These Are Days" appropriated for background music in an television ad promoting a blood glucose monitoring system, and I couldn't help but wonder: are there other songs from the band's catalog which have similar commercial potential? (Probably not "Eat For Two.")

Sunday, July 4, 2010

THE MIDSUMMER LIST OF GRIEVANCES: The 2010 MLB All Star Game lineups have been announced. Not only is Stephen Strasburg not on the team, but nor is he on the NL ballot for the final slot (while other NL pitchers are. Seriously, just as an email list-building exercise, how can you not have Strasburg on that fan ballot? But I still expect him to be a replacement for one of the Sunday starters.)

IN CONGRESS, JULY 4, 1776: When in the course of human Events, it becomes necessary for one People to dissolve the Political Bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the Powers of the Earth, the separate and equal Station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature’s God entitle them, a decent Respect to the Opinions of Mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the Separation.

We hold these Truths to be self-evident, that all Men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness—-That to secure these Rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just Powers from the Consent of the Governed, that whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these Ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or abolish it, and to institute a new Government, laying its Foundation on such Principles, and organizing its Powers in such Form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness.

Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient Causes; and accordingly all Experience hath shewn, that Mankind are more disposed to suffer, while Evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the Forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long Train of Abuses and Usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object, evinces a Design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their Right, it is their Duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future Security. Such has been the patient Sufferance of these Colonies; and such is now the Necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Government. The History of the Present King of Great-Britain is a History of repeated Injuries and Usurpations, all having in direct Object the Establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid World.

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