1) Is B right - that if I'm not juggling things like physical time together and sex, is it even worth calling poly? 2) Should I just forget the whole thing? B suggested thatI writethe e-mails that I would send to JP, just not send them for now. Most of them have been either catching up on 38 years or what has been going on that day. Think of them as kind of a journal, and maybe one of these days or months or years A will calm down and we'llbe in communication again. 3) all the definitions of poly talk about everyone being out in the open with it. I feel like we didn't start that way because we had no idea whereu it was heading. We were a couple of old friends catching up. There's the piece of me that's kicking myself for having even brought up the reading material and/orgivingJP theideathathe needed to talk to his wife, and there's the other part of me that insists that it was the right things to do, and that it would have just hurt more if it had blown up even later.

1. For me, the secrecy about your developing relationship stops this situation from being polyamorous although any of the people in it might be poly themselves.

2. I think you've got to let the guy work out what he wants from his marriage, if anything. He needs to decide if he wants polyamory more than his marriage because his wife isn't poly. The kid analogy really isn't very good, by the way.