Re: Deleted

oh honey it only keeps going as the planning continues...i gave up and did a dw. it was a package deal. all i had to do was the dress, and the invitations. it's the main reason i decided to do it that way. and it was perfect. i am in master's program and didn't have time for the whole fan fare that accompanies the whole shebang, and we tried to plan around my SIL's leave for the airforce (and wow that was not a good idea...).

i didn't change my name and it is annoying to be called by what people think is my new name...and it only upsets DH because he didn't like the decision but respected it. as soon as they find this out they ask about the kids, which then leads into the fact i dont want to have kids, and this pisses me off more because they look at you like you are seriously ill and then you can see the lightbulb over their head flash "oh poor thing she must not be able to" and all i want to do is take a baseball bat to that bubble.

oh and the strangers who wanted all the details of the wedding...really? i don't really even know you, why do i want to talk about this with you, so you can tell me your opinion on everything. yeah...good luck

Everyone asks these questions because they assume planning your wedding and thinking about your future family is the only thing on your mind. I can see how it can be annoying. I definitely get a lot of questions, but I just chalk it up to people being interested in my life - or not knowing what else to talk to me about.

Honestly, it sounds like you're having second thoughts about a big wedding. Depending on how far along you are in the planning process, I would consider making your wedding a smaller affair.

For the past ten years, the day I have dreamed of is the day I get my Ph.D. I've thought about the meal we'll have afterwards, the feeling of elation I'll have when my committee finally signs away all the papers and I can officially put "Dr." before my name. It's only a few months away now and I am SUPER excited.

Don't get me wrong, I adore my fiance. I want to celebrate getting married to him and starting a life together, but I don't feel like our wedding is this huge accomplishment that I need to coo and cry over. Our fifty year wedding anniversary? Oh yes - that will be fabulously wonderful!

I also don't understand why people feel the need to cry over the little girl I was at my wedding. Um, I'm 29 - didn't we get over me not being a kid about eleven years ago? I'm not fundamentally changing because I'm getting married. I really can't stand the melodrama of all this!

You are not alone. And I have felt so alone over the past few months so it's quite nice to find a friend!

If you start planning now (2 years before), you're not going to have any fun once you get to the time when it's really necessary to start planning. My engagement is only lasting 6 months, and I'm already dones with pretty much everything (June 13 wedding).

Lenore - and here I thought it was 1810 - shucks, guess I forgot to do the "spring forward" on the clocks.

The only thing I dreamed of as a kid was graduating college and finding a career. To be honest I never dreamed of finding the "true love" as much as "best friend". Turns out I found both - all the better!

My fiance is the romantic of the two of us. He is the one that runs around telling everyone every detail of the day - even had me set up a website so he could pull it up at work and show everyone EVERYTHING. (Hello, yes, he works with mostly women but why does he seriously think they CARE!?)

Adrini76 - So how close are you to getting your PhD in Archaeology? That sounds absolutely interesting and fun! I'm jealous!

Well I seem to be in the minority, but I did dream of this day, finding the love of my life is huge, and while I could get by on my own, why would I want to? Getting married is the start of the rest of my life and I'm so luck and happy. Getting my JD was always a given, it would happen, but this wasn't so sure. Anyway, just showing the other side and that it doesn't mean I'm not an individual in my own right, I'm just happy to be marrying my best friend with all the people I love supporting us and being there. Yes there will be a white dress and dancing and cake, but thats just because a) its fun to have a party and b) those are the traditions that mean something (unless they are the purely fun ones). Anyway, don't let anyone force you to make this something you don't want it to be, and congrats on the PHD

Wow....I thought I was going to be flamed. I'll try to respond to everything I can.

One, two years IS way early but the FMIL insists that we get the site reserved ASAP. I couldn't care less but pissing this woman off would be what we call a bad idea.

Two, I'm actually having a fairly small wedding, 50-65 people. Too many people and I hide in the Ladies room. No really. I've done it before. It's more the expected change now that I've found "my other half" and such that is annoying me, not to mention dealing with the uber traditionalists. It's kinda like in the movies when the strong lead meets the guy she's supposed to get all soft.

Three, I'm trying to be smart. I'm going to teach science (what I'm working on now) and save from that to have to borrow less for my PhD. It's a longer road, I know.

I can understand that it's a big deal for people who didn't think it would happen, but oddly I always had a feeling that if I wanted it I could have it. It also helped I'm a gamer-girl.

Why can't I be excited about my wedding and my degree in higher education? I'm so thrilled about my degree and I'm elated about my wedding and the wedding planning process, it's possible.

Obviously your father is curious about his hypothetical grandchildren. My mom has been talking about her grand kids since I was in HS. Give him a break. He's not checking your fertility levels, is he? If you don't want kids, tell him.

It sounds like you're just being really hard on the people who are excited for you. If that's how you feel, you probably should elope.

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_growing-nagging-feeling?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:41355855-88a5-449a-be90-8c5891ed8cc1Post:a5dcc46d-d67e-43c6-a5a0-c8070d6c2b00">Re: A growing nagging feeling</a>:
[QUOTE]If you start planning now (2 years before), you're not going to have any fun once you get to the time when it's really necessary to start planning. My engagement is only lasting 6 months, and I'm already dones with pretty much everything (June 13 wedding).
Posted by sophistryliz[/QUOTE]

Where the hell are you getting married? If I only have myself 6 months I would be left over with the dregs of venues, caterers and photographers. Wedding planning is fun for people it's fun for. Don't miss the point of what she was trying to say.

I am excited about the wedding and the rest of my life, too. I think the point here was not that you should not revel in the wedding, just that it is maybe not the end-all and be-all of your whole lifetime.

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_growing-nagging-feeling?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:41355855-88a5-449a-be90-8c5891ed8cc1Post:6df55826-9101-4b2a-b4b7-c487c14d8bc0">Re: A growing nagging feeling</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh get over yourself! People are just excited for you and are trying to wish you well and be nice.
Posted by luckyme502[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>ha, I love it! </div><div>
</div><div>Plus, you are over 2 years out, if you can't handle something as simple as people being happy for you what are going to be like 6 months before your wedding?!

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_growing-nagging-feeling?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:41355855-88a5-449a-be90-8c5891ed8cc1Post:118e33a8-8c0d-4209-9d0a-0de3fca9f96d">Re: A growing nagging feeling</a>:
[QUOTE]So, is this the thread where people brag about their higher education? Cause, you know, I've taken a few night classes at the community college.
Posted by zippityb[/QUOTE]

<div>hahahaha I almost fell off my chair. </div><div>
</div><div>
</div>

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_growing-nagging-feeling?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:41355855-88a5-449a-be90-8c5891ed8cc1Post:6df55826-9101-4b2a-b4b7-c487c14d8bc0">Re: A growing nagging feeling</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh get over yourself! People are just excited for you and are trying to wish you well and be nice.
Posted by luckyme502[/QUOTE]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_growing-nagging-feeling?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:41355855-88a5-449a-be90-8c5891ed8cc1Post:118e33a8-8c0d-4209-9d0a-0de3fca9f96d">Re: A growing nagging feeling</a>:
[QUOTE]So, is this the thread where people brag about their higher education? Cause, you know, I've taken a few night classes at the community college.
Posted by zippityb[/QUOTE]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_growing-nagging-feeling?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:41355855-88a5-449a-be90-8c5891ed8cc1Post:7086e643-5dc2-4370-91e4-23d73da67077">A growing nagging feeling</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm finding more and more that I'm not the only one feeling <strong>allot</strong> of things. I'm curious about this topic also now. I've just gotten into the planning stages (research, gathering information so forth) and I am about to claw at the next person who makes a comment about me having the day I dreamed of, or finding my other half, or some other nonsense. The day I dreamed of growing up was the day I get my PhD in Archaeology.The people saying this about the wedding know this. Seems they expect that's changed - it hasn't. I don't have another part of me out there somewhere. I'm a complete person in myself, always have been. Granted it's great to find someone to share that with. I know people mean well, but all these "traditions" are making me want to elope. People assume what my last name will be, but our children's last name will be, what my goals and ideas are and will be now and after the wedding. My father has already mentioned grandchildren. Didn't know he had a say in that. Anyone else chafing at the expectations?
Posted by Adrini76[/QUOTE]

1. It comes with the territory. Deal with it. People are just happy for you and trying to be supportive.

Less than 10% of all brides will keep their last name. There was just an article about it. So if you are not changing your last name, be prepared for people to assume you are changing it. I seriously thought I would always keep my name- and especially since I already do have my Ph.D. and have published with my soon to be maiden name (and not saying this to brag as others have mentioned- it's honestly just a job, a job I love and a job I hate- but it's just a job. And I don't look at it like that big of a deal). However, I am going to change it! I want to be "the So-and-Sos" rather than just "the X and the Ys." And am looking forward to be introduced as Mr. and Mrs...

And for those of you who get mad about people assuming you are going to change your name or start having kids right away- deal with it. Don't get mad. People are probably genuinely happy for you. They probably are not trying to intentionally upset you. You are making a choice to do something that is slightly different than the norm.

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_growing-nagging-feeling?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:41355855-88a5-449a-be90-8c5891ed8cc1Post:4c50e824-629c-4cac-8e19-2885bd666001">Re: A growing nagging feeling</a>:
[QUOTE]I. <strong>Before we were even engaged people were asking when we were going to start popping out babies. We are probably not having kids. Ever</strong>.
Posted by Piru[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I am shocked at how people get about the kids thing. I am 44 years old and I get asked from time to time if we are planing to have a child??! Aside from lacking the 60K for In Vitro, we totally lack the desire. Please everyone, marriage does not equal baby for everyone!

Just a thought for all the knotties who feel the need to delete their post. Deleting it doesn't make it go away and when I see a deleted tittle or closed tite it just makes me even more curious so I go and read all the responses anyway, and you can generally get the gist of the OP by reading the comments.

Happy deleting though..looking through the deleted poss gives me something to do while i'm at work