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funny (if not necessarily "passive-aggressive") notes from pissed-off people

The story of STUPID CAT

Before you cry “FAKE!” — I would have filed this away in the “too-good-to-be-true,” pile, had not Deniz in Ontario stepped forward to admit that he is the mad man behind this posters. Explains Deniz: “I made this flyer because I had had enough of this STUPID CAT wrecking my flowers and window screen, but in the end all it accomplished was making my boyfriend think I was crazy. Oh, and I put my real phone number on it (stupid).”

I’ve gotta say, Deniz, you had me at “photo of similar looking cat.” This is my favorite crazypants submission in a long, long time.

Adds Deniz: “The STUPID CAT still remains at large. I have given up on planting flowers.”

Sounds like it’s time for a super-soaker kept close at hand. Doesn’t hurt the cat. Pisses it off. Retrains it.

Or go the sporting goods store (even Walmart)and buy powdered coyote urine to sprinkle around your plants once every couple of weeks. YOU can’t smell it, but they can. It keeps the squirrels out of my vegetable garden, and keeps my cats from sleeping on top of my pepper plants!

Okay, forget the stupid cat. What’s this about buying powdered coyote urine at Walmart? How does anybody collect it? Can you train coyotes to use toilets? Doesn’t it have the downside of making your garden smell like coyote urine? What was the pitch meeting like when someone wanted Walmart to carry it? Is there a powdered coyote urine heiress out there? So many questions….

I’m not positive, but I think they collect it from coyotes/coyote-dog hybrids that have been rescued and can’t be released from the wild for whatever reason. I assume they pee in an enclosure, then you can hose the pee out into some kind of receptacle. Since you’re dehydrating it anyway, the extra water probably wouldn’t hurt?

Well, I can say that fresh fox urine has no effect on deer, and is only somewhat effective on cats. Wolf urine could be interesting, but I wonder if anything around here could tell the difference between wolf and dog.

How about a sprinkler with a motion detector? Annoys cats and burglers while watering your garden.

Bait with some sort of pork product, wait, catch cat, find out if there’s a tag on the collar and confront owner, or turn cat over to animal control. (And no, they will NOT automatically put the cat to sleep. I’ve talked to them personally. They do everything in their power to find the owner and if they can’t they turn the animal over to a shelter.)

I can understand being frustrated that somebody’s outdoor cat is messing with your plants or trying to get closer to your cat, but threatening the animal means you shouldn’t have a cat in the first place.

If you knew cats, you’d probably know there are ample natural and synthetic materials that cats won’t go near, that doesn’t involve you threatening violence against somebody else’s pet.

Hi! I’m the crazy pants author of the note. When I came to the end of the note I realised there wasn’t a damn thing that I would actually do in retaliation – I love the kitties! – so I just kept it vague.
But cat fur mittens are a good plan. I’ll wait for her winter coat to come in first, though.

I hate how the neighbours let their cats run rampant all over my garden. Really really hate. I’ve tried getting them to proof their yard so Frankie doesn’t come in and ruin my yard. No response. Extremely annoyed over all the dead birds, broken nests and broken eggs and the one native rat. Also we’re right next to a busy highway and I’m a bit worried the little terror is going to become a pancake one day. Not cool
But I have a supersoaker with green food dye for their precious Birman and my aim is getting better. Lets see if they get the hint

The awful truth about powdered coyote urine: it’s really produced in factories where captive, roadrunner-beaten coyotes are tube-fed cheap beer 24/7, in tiny cages where the animal can’t even find a private place to go #1. The urine is collected in troughs, dehydrated, packaged, and sold to WalMart. All so your flowers can be ‘cat-resistant’ (at the cost of being covered in dog piss.)

When I lived in Western Australia, there was a guy with the same problem. He waited till the cat came in, grabbed it, shaved its fur off one side, etched the words “BLOODY NUISANCE” into it with a razor blade, and tossed it back over the fence.

The “similar looking cat” is a dilute tortie. Good luck getting a tri-color to do anything. That mutant orange gene tends to also create Tortitude In Abundance. You think mere water will deter a tortie, once she’s got her bitch pants on? Ha!

I’m team Note Writer. I’m a cat person, but some people have cats & have zero shits to give about what kind of havoc the cat could be inflicting upon the neighborhood. White cayenne pepper is also a good deterrent for unwanted critters. Sprinkle it around your “territory”.

It’s tough, keep them indoors where they live long, but get fat and bored; or let them out, where they annoy neighbours, get run over, but have more fun.
Sidebar: when we first got our cat, our town had a local crazy person leaving out poisoned cat food. That made the indoor/outdoor decision easy.

…Why? Why is it strange/ mean to take a cat out on a walk? If they ENJOY going out for walks on a leash, who the fuck cares? They can enjoy the outdoors and NOT get fat/ bored, and yet also live long/ healthy lives because they aren’t getting murdered by wild animals or hit by cars. No brainer.

*amused* Do you think I would have described it as slightly mean if the cat looked like she enjoyed it? Every time I’ve seen it, the cat is at the extreme end of the lead, hissing, spitting and trying to get free in order to run away from and/or attack the large bulldogs which are more commonly found on leads around here.

The woman always looks like she’s enjoying it though, so maybe that’s the point.

In Australia here, I would prefer your cats not be running around killing the native birds, possums, lizards, fish, frogs etc etc.

Which they are doing, no matter how in denial people try to be about how their particular cat doesn’t do it *cough my greenie enviro sustainability housemate who insists her cat doesn’t kill nevermind it’s brought things into the house and we’ve caught it in the act*

I always find the indoor/outdoor debate to be kind of a pointless thing to argue about, because I really think the better decision depends on the particular cat, the cat’s owner, and where they live.

For example, I live in a crowded apartment complex next to 2 very busy roads. In my case, it would be considered more “mean” to make my cats spend all their time out there where they’re very likely to get hit by cars and wouldn’t have much natural space to run around on anyway. If I lived somewhere better suited to outdoor cats I’d probably still choose to keep mine inside, but I know that not everyone would. I just wouldn’t be comfortable with it, but I recognize that it’s a personal decision.

Call me paranoid if you like, but there are at least a few people around here whose idea of “fun” is target practice using live cats that happen to run through their property. We also get a lot of raccoon attacks on cats. And then there are hawks, coyotes, venomous snakes, feral cats, crazy people… I’ve worked at vet clinics and seen all kinds of worst case scenarios with outdoor cats. I’ve also seen plenty of outdoor cats that lived to a ripe old age with no major problems, but I just can’t keep the raccoon attacks, snakebites, and shotgun wounds out of my mind, so mine will always live inside. Other people are less prone to worrying than I am. Some cats just never do well inside so the owner doesn’t have a choice.

Bottom line: There are plenty of reasons to justify either way, cats can live long, happy lives either way, and people need to stop acting like one or the other is inherently cruel.

My cats love going outside enough that they know an outdoors trip is coming when i get their leashes/harnesses down. I have them on extra long leads so I can sit in the yard in a lawnchair while I read, and two cats can go off to the far reaches of the yard.

I have a few good-sized stray tom cats in my neighborhood; my svelte, 6-pound kitties would be appetizers if I let them run loose.

I agree it depends on the cat and the environment.
It is not cruel to keep a cat indoors for the cat’s safety. It is cruel to force a cat to live outdoors if your only reason for doing so is laziness.

My first cat was indoor/outdoor. I really hated her bringing critters home, especially when they were sill alive. I’ll never forget going to the basement to bring up the laundry and finding a traumatized chipmunk sitting on my drying rack and a second chipmunk eviscerated on the floor.

My current cat is indoor only. His choice. With the busy road and wild animals outside, I’m happy he made that choice.

And yet again, I’d advocate the use of an air-cannon and a soaking wet sponge. Doesn’t have to be pressurized to lethal velocities to get the point across, and works well at deterring cats. Gotten the pests of the neighborhood to leave the damn trash can alone, and gotten to be a bit of a crack shot with a lightly modified potato cannon.

You could go the route we did. Neighbors kept feeding the stray cats and refused to stop. The cats would proceed to make a mess of our front porch and property (whether it was poop, puke, dead birds or dead kittens, it was not a stretch to say it was not tolerable). Our other neighbor had a live animal trap they let us borrow. A bit of chicken and catnip would get them in the trap. In the morning before work I’d drive them across the river and let them loose in the next state over. Humane, doesn’t put them in a shelter and hell if they’re ever finding their way back across a giant body of water.

Our neighbors have a similar ‘stupid cat’. She taunted our two indoor kitties ALL the time. I came home one day witnessing my neighbor putting our screen back on our window. Apparently, her cat climbed on it and fell backwards.
We got pigeon/bird spikes to put on our window sill – and that darn cat has not been back since. I highly recommend it.

8 months late to the conversation, but this is one of the funniest things I’ve seen Ina while…

The cat picture all by itself made me laugh, as it looks like the cat is posing for a yearbook photo. (A little Anthony Michael hall?) Then I missed the “photo of similar cat” caption until I saw the comments and I had tears streaming I was laughing so hard. Thank you crazy pants!