Saturday, January 30, 2010

I've been taking Jacob down the street to this little park since we moved in to our "Apartment" since Hunter likes to go for walks and Jacob loves slides. I forgot it was there before and I was never around much so it went unnoticed until now. It has swings on one side, a basketball court and a jungle gym on the other. There are almost always kids there, even in the middle of the day. The other morning, I went by after a walk and two kids came up to Jacob's stroller to play with the car parts then took off a few minutes later, not saying a word to either of us. But the thing that gets me are the tween kids who play there and seem to think that because their parents let them play unsupervised that they can spout off whatever vile nonsense they want. It's really not ok to be screaming the F-bomb when a toddler is trying to go down the slide. I'm really not that anal about what people allow their kids to say but it crosses a line with a bunch of thirteen year olds want to scream obscenities in front of babies. So I put on my Teacher Voice and yelled across the park to them. One boy said "no" and the girls told him to "hush" so it's nice to know I still have the "touch." I don't have a clue who the kids belong to but they don't need to know that.

Are kids like this all over? Or just in my small town where parents let their children run free and not worry about them getting into trouble? Are all tweens this disrespectful?

Thursday, January 28, 2010

1) Jacob is still in diapers. Am not changing two butts all the livelong day.

2) My stomach is still a wreck. It's not as bas as it was last year but it's still stretched out and marked up. I'm not sure why I think I need to have a pretty belly to just ruin it again, but I do.

3) I'm failing at weaning. The night before last, Jacob was sitting on my lap and he nodded off while we watched TV. Instead of letting him fall asleep that way, I turned him around to nurse because it would make my night more comfortable. Seriously. I hate rock boobs. And I still make enough milk to feed a newborn army. (But not a vampire newborn army!)

4) Lack of insurance and or money to live. We are in no position to take care of the baby we have, much less add to it. This really should be #1.

5) I got Mirana a week ago and it's pretty silly to get that and want another baby. I'm keeping this sucker for at least 2 years. Unless it makes me crazy, as I hear it's capable of doing.

6) I'm enjoying one baby. He deserves to have time to be a baby. Not a sibling or a big brother. Just my baby.

7) Pregnancy wasn't really fun the first time around. It was easy, physically. But emotionally, it was awful. I was a wreck and irrational and worried all the time. Not that things are easier now, I just cope with them better. If only I'd known how bad things would get back when Jacob was born. Our life was a lot less troublesome then.

8) I'm getting married before I have another baby. Enough said.

9) I've noticed that having an older child around Jacob makes things a lot easier. I'm always wishing for a five year old. And next time, I will have one.

10) I say all this knowing that there is never a "right" time to have a baby. But there is definitely a wrong time and we are in the midst of that. Of course, I can't control my mama urges when I see a beautiful newborn baby but when I wake up from a dream where I was pregnant and panic? Not time for another baby!

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

I'm going to be making a quilt the next few weeks. It's not really a quilting bee, it's a quilt-along but since my fabric has bees on it I feel justified in saying so.

This is the back of the quilt. I wasn't sure what fabric I was going to use when I went to pick it out but it caught my eye instantly and I love it! Also, the place I got the fabric from? A REAL LIVE ETSY STORE! I think my personal heaven is going to be a room full of bolts of fabric.

The woman who is hosting the quilt-along is Randi and she's from this area. I used to see her every week at the library when her youngest came for craft time. I was completely smitten with her daughter as she was, and still is, adorable. I think I actually still have a magnet from work with her picture in it. I can't say the library was all bad, since it introduced me to lots of wonderful people.

This is the fabric I chose for the binding and you can see the bees here. There is also a blue fabric with the same pattern that I had to throw in as well.

I washed, dried, and ironed all the fabric the other day. It's sitting in my coat closet, neatly folded and waiting to be cut into rectangles. I need to pick up some white fabric for the squares as well as the batting and a walking foot. It's just kismet that I found Randi right after I decided that I was going to make a quilt with my Christmas money. I am so excited!

In other crafty news, I made curtains for Jacob's room out of two receiving blankets. I never once used my receiving blankets. I have stacks of them and they are just going to waste. So I cut up two that match his crib decor and quickly sewed them into a rough curtain. My camera wasn't shooting well into the light of the sun so it's a bit dark but you get the idea. I also hemmed a curtain for a vertical window into a horizontal window curtain for my bedroom and I'm pleased that I can now have sunlight in both rooms!

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Jacob has been into climbing lately. Up chairs and down them. Over the side of my chair downstairs into my lap. Up on the table. Trying to climb out of the crib. Going up ladders at the playground. Falling down slides.

Courtesy of this new found obsession are lumps, bumps, and bruises. He went down a covered slide today and I couldn't catch him in time because I didn't know he was going down it. The bottom doesn't flatten out enough and he shot right out the end and landed in gravel, chin first. This morning, he fell between two chairs and hit his forehead, creating a nice thin bruise.

I'm getting scared of what he can get himself into. He no longer wants to be strapped into his seat at the table. He signs "all done" and whines until he is released to climb up and down. He sticks his fingers in furnace grates and cries because they get stuck. He wants to climb on the counter tops and run into the streets. He shocked himself this morning with the cord to his humidifier. I've been telling him for days to stop messing with it, spanking him when he does it again. I think he'll leave it alone now.

This is the Trouble with Boys. Girls must be less curious than this. Right?

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

We are mostly settled in now. I mopped the floors today for the first time, so I guess it's official. There wasn't any reason to mop before since they'd just get dirty until we were all set up. I need to sew up some curtains for Jacob's room and get a few rugs or a large area carpet and it will be a lot cozier. It's chilly having bare floors in a basement in wintertime!

Having three large, shedding, dark furred dogs means that there are constantly dog hair dust bunnies. They breed at night, I'm sure of it.

The night before last, Jacob slept in his crib from 11 PM to 7 AM. Without waking. And that, my friends, is probably the longest stretch of sleep I have had without him tucked next to me since he was in the womb. I woke up at 6:15 and realized that I had never pulled the crib side up and I was afraid he would get up and fall out so I had to get up and fix it. Plus, I wanted to make sure he was still breathing, since he had a cold this week and we spent two nights of him not sleeping because he couldn't breathe out of his nose. Sadly, this was not a repeat occurrence last night. Even though I remembered to keep his crib side up. Maybe I should go put it down right now!

CS made arrangements to keep his truck for the time being. Ford has agreed to look into refinancing it and if they can't make his payments low enough to be affordable, then he's going to trade it in for something we can actually pay. It's a relief to know that we will no longer have this huge payment every month.

Jacob broke my phone on Friday. I stupidly let him take it from the table at my mom's house and was right next to him when he dipped it into the dog's water. I got it out and dried it off but I didn't take the battery off and later that night it wouldn't turn on. I let it sit in rice for a few days, and it actually turned on and worked twice but it was short lived. I took it to Verizon and they put a new battery in but it just kept shorting out. I have an upgrade on our account but they just changed their plans and I would have to pay an extra $10 a month to get the same phone because it's Internet capable and they are trying to turn a profit. Not that they need one, since cell phone companies are the Devil's minions but this is America, I guess. My phone had no water damage so I paid $50 for a new one and hopefully my old battery is not dead. If it is, then I have to get a new battery and then I will have to keep my phone under lock and key and in a zip lock bag at all times. I do not understand why I cannot keep a Verizon phone longer than six months. I never had any problems with my AT&T phones but something about Verizon phones just begs for disaster. This is why CS has the insurance on his line. I'm pretty sure he's gotten him money out of that deal, a couple of times.

CS is supposed to be starting a new job this week, we'll see how that goes. I'm worried that he's going from one badly paying job to another but they are paid by the government, so there is some hope. He still hasn't been paid for December and the biggest problem with that is that they claimed he was paid so we will be taxed on income we didn't receive unless it's fixed or paid. I'm all for turning them in for tax evasion or fraud and maybe some light breaking and entering to take equipment and pawn it but I'm sure CS wouldn't let me do it. He's no fun, that man. And clearly, I get my revenge tactics from my father. Also the ability to carry a grudge and curly blonde hair.

I'm baking a cake right now and it's supposed to be finished and the center looks like batter so I'm pretty sure I'm in trouble. It's a chocolate stout cake and I really hate the thought of throwing out a perfectly good beer cake. Plus, we're out of chocolate so I'm pretty desperate at this point. Cakes are like brownies, right? You want them undercooked! No?

Sunday, January 10, 2010

On Friday night, it was decided that we would start moving into CS's brother's house over the weekend. We've been waiting for this for a while and finally everyone is participating in making it happen. We got all the things we "need" out of storage and moved them into the basement of the house. We have two bedrooms, a living room, and a full bathroom to ourselves. We're going to be sharing the kitchen but I think we can handle this. Hunter gets to come live with us and he's going to go insane with joy over the fact that there are other dogs to play with. I'm going to have to put up a baby gate so he can't spend all day upstairs with them.

Right now there is no carpet in the rooms but we have one rug and we'll try to get something else for both Jacob's room and the living room. The windows are tiny and almost on the ceiling because it's a basement but it's ok. It's better than how we are living now. Even with a fully furnished house. At least I can leave the house without obsessing about whether or not I picked up all Jacob's toys or left my shoes by the door. Jacob can have his own room with all his toys to play with. The biggest downside is that there is no cable at the moment. I'll have to get ours turned back on soon, since the six month suspension is up soon and we can probably handle that bill with the others. I just had a problem paying for someone else to use our cable.

I'm going to set up my sewing machine in the living room since I'm going to be starting a quilt-along with a blogger who lives in Fremont County. We met when I worked at the library but I had no idea she blogged until my mom showed me her Etsy shop. Perfect timing as I was already planning on making a quilt with my Christmas money I was sure to get.

Things are all coming up roses here, though. Friday night, after CS and I got back from Pueblo, he discovered a tow truck outside his parent's house. He parked his truck behind the house we are going to live in and walked back to his parent's just in time for the repo man to get to the door. His dad talked to him and bought him some time to figure out what he needs to do to keep the truck. I'm at a dilemma in that I know we cannot afford his truck anymore but I know how much it means to him and how much he has used it for all the jobs he's had. His idiot boss flaked on him when CS called on Friday night to see if he could help him LIKE HE PROMISED and his boss said no, he wasn't able to do that as he almost got stuck in OH without any money. CS is thinking about taking out a loan for school to help him out but I'm worried since we already have so much debt, we don't need any new debt and if he doesn't get his payments lowered then we will be back in the same place in a few months. Plus, he hasn't worked since December 17th and he hasn't gotten paid since November 30th. We're kind of in the lowest place ever, and I have no idea what we'll do next.

I have to say that we are also terribly lucky at the same time. I'm well aware of the fact that I'm able to type about this tragedy of no money and no work but I also stay at home with Jacob and enjoy a normal lifestyle. I still have my car and my laptop and my cell phone. I am lucky but I know there are others who are not.

Wednesday, January 06, 2010

Jacob took a three hour plus nap this afternoon. He needed it, as he woke me up before 8 AM this morning. He slept for two hours in bed, then when he woke up crying I got him and rocked him back to sleep. He slept on me while I watched DVRed Desperate and Ellen for an hour or so. After my arm was numb and the shows were over, I got up and he continued to sleep in the arm chair, resting his upper body on the arm rest and turning his head every so often. He didn't wake when I took his picture nor when my cell phone rang and I left the room to take the call from the Family Planning Services as they informed me that I had an abnormal Pap and I tested positive for HPV. Which means I technically have an STD! And I've been tested for those. MORE THAN ONCE. Not because I am excessively trampy, but because I think it's smart to test and clearly I just proved myself correct. I have never had an abnormal pap and I've been tested since I was 16 or so. I've had at least two STD screenings and possibly a third. And all of them since I started seeing CS. If it wasn't clear before, CS and I are in a committed monogamous relationship so there should be no surprises here. Although he tells me that HPV can sit and hide for a long time without being detected and if that's true then I'm going to be pretty disappointed that I do not get to blame someone. Specifically, I want to be able to point at CS and bemoan the fact that he gave me an STD because I'm mean like that. (Also, KIDDING about blaming, in case sarcasm doesn't come across.) (Not really sorry, because if it's not him then I have no idea who to blame.)

So now I have to go in for a colposcopy, which means I need to get on Medicaid because I don't have an extra $300 lying around for someone to stick a large magnifying glass into my lady bits and check for cells. If I did have an extra $300, CS would either take it for his truck payment or I would have to buy new tires and the part to fix my 4-wheel drive. So, healthcare! I need it, and so does Jacob. I guess it's good to have a reason to finally fill out the paperwork, instead of putting it off until something major comes up again. I am the mother of a very strong willed, active little boy. Who has a tendency to mess around on the stairs in a very dangerous manner lately.

The good news is that it's early and this is still mostly precaution and that the strain of HPV showing up is generally defeated by your body in two years. I'm annoyed that I have to deal with it, but I'm not scared of it. I wish I had insurance, as this is going to make my "pre-existing conditions" a pain in the future but maybe soon we won't have to deal with such nonsense.

I hope you will think of me and say a prayer or send good thoughts. It's never fun to think of something lurking in your body and not being able to just have it taken away with a pill or cream or waiting it out.

Monday, January 04, 2010

This is going around my feed reader and though I am loathe to return to the Myspacey meme, it's not a bad way to keep track of the year.

1. What did you do in 2009 that you’d never done before? I didn't have a job that paid me a salary. My job was mama and I'm surprised how well it suited me. I thought I'd miss working.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I did not make any resolutions and I have not planned any for this year. I've never been much for making them on January 1st.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? My brother's wife. They had their baby boy in October, and I've yet to meet him. I hope they come to visit soon!

4. Did anyone close to you die? No, we've been fortunate.

5. What countries did you visit? The South.

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009? Sadly, money. CS didn't get paid in December because he works for the worst employer in the world. Only a total shithead would not pay his workers before Christmas.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Finally trying to get in shape after having Jacob. I realized that I needed to do a lot of work on my body right before he turned one and I'm happy with my size now. I still need to work on it, but I fit into my clothes again!

9. What was your biggest failure? Not investing enough time into finding something for me to do to contribute to our finances. We can't afford for me to not work, but I cannot put Jacob in Daycare.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Only a few minor colds and one bad case of eczema.

11. What was the best thing you bought? A new phone. I was so sick of old, broken hand-me-downs and I am so happy with my new one. I just need it to last two years.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? My mom. She's the only reason that I have been able to pay my bills on time the last six months. I feel horrible for needing so much of her help financially and I'm so grateful for how gracious she has been about it.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? CS's bosses. I have never been more disgusted with anyone as I have been at them. I want to take Jacob over to his house and demand that he apologize for not paying CS and ruining Christmas for a child.

14. Where did most of your money go? CS's truck. And moving three times.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Moving to Alabama. I was so looking forward to being there and I am still depressed that we didn't get to stay.

16. What song will always remind you of 2009? "I'm Yours" by Jason Marz. It's a magic song! Jacob loves it and it can always calm him down or put him to sleep.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:a) happier or sadder? The same. b) thinner or fatter?Thinnerc) richer or poorer? Poorer.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of? Taking pictures and writing more letters.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Worried about money. It's so consuming of my life. I wake up in the middle of the night and start calculating what we have and what is due and what we can't pay this month. It's stressful and I hate it but unless I get a job, there isn't much I can do to change it.

20. How did you spend Christmas? We stayed at my mom's house and opened presents there before sitting down to eat dinner. I got to make it for the first time ever and I loved it! We went to CS's grandma's afterwards and opened presents at his house before playing games and eating dinner.

21. Did you fall in love in 2009? Every day.

22. What was your favorite TV program? Glee. I just love it!

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? I hate CS's boss.

24. What was the best book you read? I re-read a lot of books this year that I have packed away over the years. But "The Help" was certainly the best NEW one I read.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery? I suspect that Kings of Leon would be if I could have downloaded the CD that Audrey sent me months ago.

26. What did you want and get? A second bowl for my KitchenAid, a Product(RED) water bottle and iTunes cards.

27. What did you want and not get? A juicer for my mixer, a house of my own.

28. What was your favorite film of this year? I have seen so few movies this year, so I am not qualified to answer this. Both Harry Potter and New Moon disappointed me. Although I did watch Harry Potter 3 times in 24 hours, so maybe that helps.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 26 and we had dinner at my mom's house. I made the Car Bomb cupcakes. We had a 2nd dinner at CS's house and I made peach cupcakes that were not as good.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Not having to worry about whether or not CS had a job, or if we were going to get paid on time, or if there was an end in sight of debt and living with parents.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009? Rediscovering clothes that have been in storage for the past two years.

32. What kept you sane? My son, my mom, CS.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Elmo, he's the bee's knees.

34. What political issue stirred you the most? Healthcare. Back in AL, when we took Jacob to a doctor for his trouble with pooping and we spend $180 on a five minute visit with a doctor, I flipped out. I cannot believe that I can't take my child in for an issue without insurance. That since I cannot afford insurance, I cannot afford for my family to be sick.

35. Who did you miss? CS when he was gone, my mom when I was gone.

36. Who was the best new person you met? Jessica, she's my workout buddy and fellow stay at home mom to a toddler. I'm worried she is going to move away to North Dakota and I will be all alone with Jillian Michaels.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009. It can always be worse.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year. "I'm down to my last drink/time to sell my things/pack my bags and never look back/run a parallel line with the railroad track/make my get away" Love and Theft "Runaway"