5 Beloved Pop Cultures Seen Through the Eyes of White Supremacists (sNSFW)

I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you're not an insane Neo-Nazi, even though statistically speaking someone reading this right now probably is one. Here's how I know that.

A little bit back in my coverage of American Horror Story: Asylum, I mentioned how a plotline in the series was inspired by the real-life Holocaust survivor story of Irene Zisblatt. She swallowed a necklace given to her by her mother and passed it in a cycle to prevent the Nazis from stealing it while she was in the camps. She succeeded and wears the necklace to this day whenever she goes to lecture children on the Holocaust.

Neat little historical tidbit, huh? Well, to the racist wackaloons of the world out there Googling Zisblatt's name for any mention it's not. Instead, it's an excuse to post links in the comments to two-hour badly produced "documentaries" discounting her experiences, and most of the Holocaust itself. Oh, and just for extra fun it was made by a man who jumped a 79-year-old Nobel Peace Laureate and Holocaust survivor in a hotel and tried to drag him into a room.

My point is... this is the face of modern white supremacy. They gather on the Internet to make crappy YouTube videos. They also have their own Wiki page, Metapedia, which is where I learned the nutter half of the story I just told you. When I was done with that, I got curious as to what the mouthbreathers thought of regular old pop culture. Here's perfectly normal geekery seen through the eyes of "master race."

Author's note. In the name of my sanity I have fixed spelling and punctuation errors found in direct quotes. If I've missed some, please forgive me. There were a lot, and this gig doesn't pay enough for an editor's patience.

I bet you didn't know that J.R.R. Tolkien is actually huge with the white supremacist crowd. It's easy enough to see why, I suppose. The Fellowship is made up entirely of white people, including two men of pure royal bloodlines (Three if you count Pippin as heir to the Thain of the Shire), an apex Aryan specimen in Legolas, and a wizard who is pretty much nothing but a stand-in for Odin. The war they fight is against black-skinned orcs and swarthy men who alternate between having Asian or African features depending on when they're described. Kind of like the evolved-Pokémon version of Lovecraft plus swords.

But Tolkien was also an Englishman writing in the time of World War II. More than one critic has pointed out that the oft-forgotten chapter "The Scouring of the Shire" is little more than an allegory of Nazi expansionism. Tolkien himself denied such allegations, claiming that he was more interested in industrialization ruining rural landscapes.

The article on Metapedia, though, lays the inspiration for The Lord of the Rings more at the feet of communism, and communism's apparently secret financiers, the Jews. The evidence of this inspiration is that batshit anti-Semitic conspiracy theories existed at the time Tolkien was writing, so it's inconceivable he wouldn't have been influenced by them. It's the same way that J.K. Rowling was clearly writing an allegory for the United States government bringing about 9/11 themselves.

Speaking of Harry Potter, here is the last sentence from the article. I shit you not.

"The Harry Potter books written by J.K Rowling are an inferior follow on without the basis of Professor Tolkien's profound scholarship. They are politically correct, having the fashionable mixture of foreigners. This is why they very heavily marketed as part of a campaign of cultural genocide."

Superman is the only mainstream superhero given his own entry on Metapedia, making it the first time in history someone has been more interested in Supes than in Batman... and further proving the people that edit Metapedia are idiots. Anyone who knows the history of Superman's creation can probably guess why.

Superman was the brainchild of Jerry Siegel and Joe Shuster. Both men were the sons of Jewish immigrants, and Metapedia postulates that the entire Superman story is meant to chronicle the way Jews come to new lands and become all powerful. The fact that Superman does nothing with that power but try to stop plane crashes and crazed psychopaths seems to be lost on Metapedia contributors.

In fact, the article tries so hard to link the Man of Steel as some sort of propagandist plot by the Jews that it actually ends up praising the Chosen People when it remarks that Superman comes from a planet where everyone is superintelligent immediately after saying calling the character's story parallel to his creators'.

Here's the weirdest part. The article also paraphrases an entire unattributed passage from Bill's speech to The Bride in Quentin Tarantino's Kill Bill about the nature of Clark Kent's identity, but throws on a little bit of Nazi-sparkle at the end for fun.

"While the other fictive 'superheroes' were more or less normal people and lead a middle-class life, Superman is an extraterrestrial with supernatural forces in reality. Only with superman the normal identity is the wrong and fictitious one. Clark Kent shows how Superman sees the people. He thinks people are person weak, anxious and impotent. (That is, how Jews see us)."

Dear God in Heaven, I have seen Encyclopedia Dramatica pages that had more sense and less misplaced anger in them than what bubbles up from the seeping pit of the Family Guy entry.

First of all Seth Macfarlane's name is always marked by a tiny hammer and sickle, because even though Metapedia doesn't have time in their busy mayonnaise-eating schedule to craft an article specifically for him they want you to know without a doubt he is an Obama-voting communist. I didn't make that little conclusion hop on my own, by the way. The article does it for me. Of course, there are still some standards in play as the article doesn't want you to think Macfarlane is Jewish. No, for the Semites associated with Family Guy nothing less than a tiny gold star after their names will do.

The article mostly points out the many, many, many digs at religion that the show makes as reason for outrage, which we can all agree is a fair point. This is a show that listed "creationist" beneath mentally handicapped on an intelligence chart after all. They do go out of their way to mock many aspects of American Christian right culture, but as the article states they tend to leave Judaism alone. Completely unrelated, here's a song Peter Griffin sings called "I Need a Jew" that got the show sued.

The show has also done more than a few jokes about the Holocaust. Here's why (if you're a raisin cake).

"Why so many jokes about Jews and 'Nazis?' This is to control dissent. If a Jew is the one that laughingly trashes Jews, then it can be readily swept aside while the constant reminder that Hitler was supposedly an evil man who oversaw the 'slaughter of millions of Jews' keeps people believing that, despite no amount of hard evidence to support the Holocaust myth."

Before we start, I want you to go into the bathroom and look at yourself in the mirror. Look yourself right in the eyes. My friend, whatever your faults, your failings, your regrets, or your weaknesses, I want you to remember something. A grown man sat down in front of his computer and made that chart above using his intimate knowledge of Nazi principals and My Little Pony. I also want you to remember that I love you and cherish you because you are not that man. You are going to be all right, kiddo.

The article actually starts out fairly simple and concise, detailing the evolution of the original My little Pony line into the current fad. It then takes a hard left into doucheville by trying to paint the show as an endorsement of living in a lesbian commune. Then there's the description of the dragon Spike, who has a crush on the pony Rarity. This is apparently promoting zoophilia because that is exactly the definition of a cartoon mythical creature writing love note to another animated mythical creature.

Look, this ain't Sonic the Hedgehog and his human girlfriend that clearly has some rather ridonkulous issues. It's love as understood by eight-year-olds. It's not sodomy. I can tell you that while I'm not a doctor of sodomy, I have figured out that it is at least the exact opposite of My Little Pony.

The entry also alludes to the Brony community thusly...

"They are degenerate, often homosexual, typically white middle class men who call themselves 'Brony.' Their web page is full of images and written material to make sexual aberrations popular. The fans meet regularly and try to convince all people to live as abnormal as they do."

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And what of my dear Doctor? Well, the longest-running science fiction show in the world gets only 221 words worth of article, mostly talking about how either people think The Doctor's name is actually Doctor Who, or how the modern series has abandoned the casually racism and sexism of '60s sci fi in favor of balanced portrayals of multi-ethnic relationships and alternative sexualities. Or, as the entry calls them, the abandonment of Western morals. I was going to make a joke about this, but I think I'll let River Song do it for me.

Jef Rouner is a contributing writer who covers politics, pop culture, social justice, video games, and online behavior. He is often a professional annoyance to the ignorant and hurtful.