Toast. What’s not to like? Or, more accurately: what’s not to dislike? I think that’s what ends up becoming the main rap against toast. A spineless blob of a person is a milquetoast. And something that’s effectively done, used up, ruined — it’s toast. As in, “you’re toast”. “They’re toast”. “This writing career that never started, it’s toast.” Not that I’m talking about myself, mind you. I’m doing swimmingly, thank you very much. My services are very much in demand. Now please excuse me as I edit these Tops Supermarket Recipe Cards (TM). Deadlines, I haz ’em!

What was I talking about? There is no way to link “Tiger Mothers” to toast, is there? See what I did? I linked them anyway! I’m a genius. Or I am still drunk from last night. One of the two. I blame @pmetz and his delicious wine. You gotta watch out for those Luxembourgers.

But as I said, toast gets a bad rap. Toast can be good, clean fun. And although you look at a big piece of freshly grilled toast, slathered with salted butter and doused in the siren call of granulated sugar, and say “I can do that at home”, you don’t, do you? You sit down there on that stool at Suan Luang Market, at that stall with the cow face on it (because milk and toast are inextricably linked in the minds of Thai people), and stuff your face with that sweet, sweet oblivion. And you cry a little bit and churn over past regrets and wonder what Padma Lakshmi is doing, right at that very moment, and if she’s thinking of you, too.

Toast cubes and coconut cream dipping sauces

(Photos by @SpecialKRB)

Yes, toast wrecks your diet. It’s evil that way. It’s that undermining saboteur who poses as your friend, casually mentioning the very worst moments of your life in a crowded room, among polite company, making you want to shrivel up and die. But it’s SO SO good. And the best place to plunge into that sweet oblivion, for me, is on Dinso Road, part of that beautiful loop in Banglamphu that is my favoritest place in Bangkok. It’s called Mont Nom Sod (Fresh Milk Mont) and it doesn’t just offer toast with butter and sugar for 13 baht, but also toast with condensed milk, toast with orange jam, toast with coconut custard (two colors, orange and green), toast with chocolate, toast with creamy corn soup, toast with peanut butter, toast with creamy taro (Mondays only) and toast with creamy pumpkin (full moon days only), all for 20 baht.

Toast is a wonderful treat and it’s nice to find it available even if cultures that are more oriented towards rice as the primary carb. It would be nice, though, if some of the toast vendors had bread that was slightly more… substantive. Wonder Bread / Texas Toast is sometimes a bit underwhelming, even when gussied up with pandan leaf dip.