The Way We Live Now: In a horn of plenty. Jobs are easy. They're hiring everywhere! Did you know that? No? Well it's true, the numbers prove it! Get off your ass and work:

Sure, 4.8 million workers lost their jobs in February; but on the bright side, 4.3 million were hired. That's right: there are literally millions of jobs available! Go buy a suit! Or some work gloves. "Who is hiring? Hospitals, colleges, discount stores, restaurants and municipal public works departments."

Nobody's saying it's gonna be easy. You may have to do some scratching, clawing, and selective assassination. There are 3 million jobs for more than 13 million unemployeds, so, you know, throw elbows. Knee groins. Make use of flash-bang grenades. Do whatever you need to do, but don't say there are no jobs. That's simply counterfactual!