So, we all know Elvis is still alive. I’m sure you know someone who has seen Elvis at the local grocery store or you’ve heard the stories. Maybe you’ve even thought it could be true. That Elvis could want out of the public eye. Maybe you even believe Elvis faked his death to begin a more fulfilling career working for the DEA. You NEED to read that link.

Now that we’re all on the same page, the rest will make more sense. You see, working for the DEA isn’t as profitable as being the most famous singer of all time (that’s right, Michael, you pedophile). And when you aren’t bringing home the bacon like you used to, you aren’t able to afford as much bacon as you used to be able to. What is obvious to even the most apathetic observer is that Elvis is having trouble making ends meet.