Bless This Mess

Snapshot 05.13.15

–After what was a definite health upswing that peaked on Saturday, I’ve been back to struggling to get through the day. The biggest blessing the steroids gave me (when I felt full of health) was the ability to think of my day like a game of chess in two, or three, or even sometimes four moves ahead. I think, I’ll change the baby, then do the dishes, clean up the living room, and start a project with the kids. Maybe later we’ll go to the store after lunch. I plan my day with ease, like a normal person, and count on that energy and ability to be there when I needed it. Lately though, when my health falters, it’s all I can do to complete the task at hand. Just feed the baby, just feed the baby, just feed the baby–my constant refrain. Just get through whatever move I happen to be in before my lack of energy checkmates me. There are no moves ahead. Just through. After the well-being I felt last week it was crushing to be back to this point. I felt so close to a version of normalcy, and then it was taken away again. I am a flawed person, and I’m not handling it as well as others who struggle with their health. I complain, I rant, I rail. I’ll eventually get to that zen point where I can accept and be grateful for what I do have, but I’m not quite there yet. This is who I am, and I’m disappointed. I’m not trying to find a silver lining. I’m just trying to get through this move.

–Mother’s Day weekend was so fabulous. There were desserts and leaving the house and even an estate sale. I lived it up before almost actually passing out.

–Isobel and I spent a fun afternoon trying on hats at Target like fancy ladies and we each come home with one to protect us from the sun during swimming lessons and other adventures. She decided on a Rainbow Dash hat but only narrowly over Pikachu cap, because RD fit better and was Mama’s favorite because it was much cheaper. She was angry to find that they only stocked the Pikachu hats in the boys’ section and not the girls’, or, “in the middle”, which she thought was the best idea. “Does someone think that Pokemon is only for boys?!” she asked me. I replied that I hoped not because that’s not true at all, and she said, “If someone says Pokemon is only for boys then I think the police should come and arrested them.”

–I get called for jury duty every four years like clockwork, and last time I was actually called in for county jury duty and Grand Jury duty at the same time, which I don’t think is legal. Considering I can barely leave my house I was excused by my doctor in a note briefly stating I was under his care for illness and “bowel issues,” which I found hilarious. I am definitely being seen for bowel issues but that’s only part of constellation of health fuckery that is making me ill. There’s much more to it than that, but I’m assuming the court will see “bowel issues” as a big red NO flag and move along. I still think it would have been hilarious if my doctor’s note just said: POOP. EVERYWHERE.

–My blog’s still got it! And by “it” I mean people finding my blog by searching ‘cat pacifier.’

–Anthony had been haranguing me about Elias’ Hobbity baby-mullet for awhile and I eventually said I’d trim the sides and back. Once I started I had to keep going to keep it even and when I was done he had a big boy haircut and looked old enough to purchase alcohol in Europe. I miss the curls but his hair grows so quickly I know they will be back in a week or two, and I have to say, even Anthony said I did a great job on his hair, which I should have recorded for posterity, since he loves telling me how “homemade” the haircuts I give him normally look. Curly hair is very forgiving. There’s no way I could ever cut Isobel’s straight, fine hair, though, emboldened by my recent attempt with Elias, I did give her a few wispy bangs that turned out okay.

–I have no idea where this idea came from, but Isobel is now hell-bent on having a pet pig. She will not stop talking about her theoretical pig. Lord help me, I am not prepared for endless pig arguments.

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I saw a video of a tiny pig jumping excitedly into a bowl of oatmeal. Unfortunately, so did my son, and now a tiny pig has been added to the list-of-animals-we’re-going-to-have, enough of them to start a small petting zoo.

Unrelated: At one point, I was getting many a colonoscopy, so many that I started asking the docs out to dinner and saying things like “I will gladly go through this for ice cream”.

I do hope that your “bowel issues” and all the rest get under control soon, I really do. I DESPISE when you’re in that phase of being unable to plan ANYTHING, and if you do, you know you’ll, as you said, pass out. Ugh. Sending you all good vibes and prayers, my dear. xoBrittany recently posted..#48.