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Anybody with half a brain knows how stupid it is to text and drive. It’s also illegal in many states. Still, people continue to do it alarmingly often. As reported by www.news965.com:

A 23-year-old driver in Fort Myers, Fla., admits he was texting while driving when he was caught on video rolling his car after hitting a power pole and a tree.

Driver Michael Woody climbed out of the car safely following the crash and told responding officers that his only impairment was his cell phone … he was texting while driving, something that is now illegal in Florida.

The Juice has come across some strange fetishes in his thousands of posts over the years. This may be the strangest yet, as reported by The Philadelphia Inquirer.

The Mayfair Town Watch reported yesterday on its Facebook page that the “Swiss Cheese Pervert” has been terrorizing neighborhood women.

Yes, you read that correctly.

According to the group, the suspect, a heavyset white man estimated to be in his late 40s or early 50s, approaches women while driving a silver or black sedan with his genitals exposed. He then displays a piece of sliced Swiss cheese and offers to pay the women to put the cheese on his penis and perform sexual acts on him using it.

All together now: Ewwwwww!

“I understand that people may think this is funny, but this is no laughing matter,” said Milt Martelack, the town watch’s senior adviser. “We’ve had a couple individuals reach out to us. We’re taking this matter very seriously, and we’re working vigorously with police to get this guy off the streets.”

A police source yesterday confirmed that the Special Victims Unit is investigating the man after several women from the Mayfair area filed reports describing similar encounters with a man displaying what the source called a “major sexual cheese fetish.”

Hmmm. This sounds familiar …

And although news of the bizarre case shocked many Mayfair residents, Gabby Chest – who lives in nearby Bridesburg – recognized the behavioral pattern instantly.

In July 2012, Chest, then 19 and having just broken up with her boyfriend, created a profile on the dating website OkCupid.

Within days, she said, she was contacted by a “really strange guy,” who sent her a private message that detailed a very specific request.

“He said he was looking for someone to perform masturbation on him with cheese,” Chest said. “He kept saying how strong his urges were and how desperate he was to find someone to help him with them.”

An excerpt from that message, which Chest sent the Daily News, details the origin of the man’s self-described “fetish.”

“I started to compare girls to cheese due to their milky complections [sic], girls are soft, smooth feeling and tend to like dairy products more,” he wrote.

“That and typical advertising, always using a girl to advertise dairy products. So cheese is what I started to use as a replacement for having sex with girls.”

It’s not surprising, then, that Chest recognized the man who had contacted her as the “Swiss Cheese Pervert” as soon as she saw his picture on the Mayfair Town Watch’s Facebook page.

“There’s no doubt it was him; it looked exactly like the picture on his profile,” she said. “I was scared and shocked. I never thought the guys you see on those sites would be so close to me.”

A Central Texas man has been accused of stabbing his girlfriend after she brought home pizza instead of a chicken sandwich he wanted for lunch.

McLennan County jail records show Michael Corsey of Waco was being held Saturday on a charge of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon. Online jail records do not list bond or an attorney for Corsey, who was arrested Friday.

Waco police say Corsey allegedly grabbed a kitchen knife and stabbed the woman because he had asked for a chicken sandwich, but she brought home pizza. Police say the victim was also choked and struck in the face.

As a regular bicycle commuter, it pains The Juice to have to say this, but it’s not looking too good for this fellow cyclist. As reported by The Union Leader:

Police [in Somersworth, New Hampshire] arrested a Maine man riding a bicycle Friday in connection with a bank robbery across state lines.

Noooooo!

Scott Marshall, 46, of 132 Airport Road in Sanford, Maine, was charged with being a fugitive from justice after police noticed he matched the description of a man who robbed Kennebunk Savings Bank in Berwick, Maine.

And I suppose you have some evidence?

Officer Gary O’Brien, who responded to the reported robbery around 9:21 a.m., apprehended Marshall, who was riding the mountain bike on Market Street. Police found an undisclosed amount of cash and a bank bag, which led to the arrest, according to a release.

You can’t make this stuff up. Well, you could, and people would say “no way would that ever happen.” As reported by The Independent:

A British woman attempted to sue her former lawyers for professional negligence, claiming that, alongside a number of other allegations, they failed to advise that finalising divorce proceedings would inevitably cause her marriage to end.

And you call yourselves lawyers!

The curious case – made against two solicitor firms – had already been rejected by the court, but was revealed in the transcript of a later appeal by the claimant against the dismissal of other aspects of her case.

Jane Mulcahy had argued that the lawyers should have made it clear that a divorce would cause her marriage to be terminated – something which she apparently wanted to avoid.

The lawyers failed to regard her Roman Catholic faith and should have recommended judicial separation – a step down from full divorce – as an alternative course of action, she said.

The allegation was revealed in a subsequent appeal court judgment last month, in which Lord Justice Briggs said: “The most striking of Mrs Mulcahy’s many allegations of negligence against her solicitors was that, having regard to her Roman Catholic faith, Mrs Boots had failed to give her the advice which was requisite in view of her firmly held belief in the sanctity of marriage…

“…either in terms of the alternative of judicial separation, or about the impossibility of pursuing divorce proceedings to a clean break settlement, without thereby inevitably bringing about the final termination of her marriage, which she wished to avoid.”

People react in many different ways when they suspect their spouse is cheating. Some folks get sad, and some get mad. Here’s mad, via The Gainesville Sun:

Officials said Tara Johnson, 41, of 419 Squire Drive, and her husband have been married for about three years and living together for approximately five years. Johnson told deputies she drove to her husband’s workplace at Cox Communications on Northwest 43rd Street around 6:30 a.m. to question why he had not returned home, an Alachua County Sheriff’s Office report said.

Ms. Johnson thinks she knows why.

Johnson said she saw him get out of another car with a woman she recognized as his ex-girlfriend. Johnson told deputies she became angry and drove her car forward, blocking the exit of the ex-girlfriend to stop her from leaving, the report said.

Uh-oh.

Johnson and her husband soon began arguing, and then deputies said she drove her car forward and hit her husband, bumping him into the air. The man fell to the ground, and Johnson then retrieved a baseball bat from her car and began chasing him around the car with it, the report said.

After chasing her husband, Johnson got back into her car and drove away. Her husband suffered hip pain and was taken to UF Health Shands Hospital, Gainesville Police Department Officer Ben Tobias said.

Whew. That could have ended a lot worse. As for Ms. Johnson:

She later was arrested by deputies at her home, the report said… [and] … was charged with aggravated assault and aggravated battery.

If you decide to burgle, there are so many options. In deciding where to steal from, wouldn’t you consider retribution from the owner if you are caught, either in the act, or after the fact? Of course you would … unless you are these guys. As reported by the Belleville News-Democrat (Illinois):

Cody L. Procasky, 19 of Fayetteville, and Chase A. Ripley 17, of Freeburg, were each charged with one Class 2 felony count of burglary. Each had their bail set at $30,000.

You know the burglars. So who did they burgle?

According to the St. Clair County Sheriff’s Department, the teens broke into the [Okaw North Hunting Club near Mascoutah] Dec. 15 and took a large amount of alcohol personal items from inside the club in the 10000 block of Buddy Funk Lane.

A hunting club! You know, a club whose members, at least based on the name, probably all have guns!

Members of the club spotted a suspicious vehicle at the site and called the sheriff’s department. That allowed the crime to quickly be solved, St. Clair County Sheriff Rick Watson said.

Regular readers know that The Juice is a personal injury lawyer. During the course of his career, he has had several cases with the same key fact as this one, brought to you via the Hunterdon County Democrat (New Jersey).

A Pittstown man was charged with numerous offenses after a hit-and-run accident reported Dec. 27, at approximately 8:15 a.m. Patrolman Sean Ross was dispatched to Riverbend Road in the area of Moebus Place for a report of property damage. He found damage to a front lawn, a mailbox and bushes.

Unfortunately for the scofflaw, that’s not all the victim found.

The homeowner also provided Ross with a New Jersey license plate that was found among the damage. The license plate returned to a black 1992 Ford Mustang. Officers soon located the vehicle, which contained obvious damage, at a nearby residence. Ross thereafter charged Cody Papa, 21, with numerous motor vehicle violations, including reckless driving, leaving the scene of a motor vehicle crash, and failure to report a crash.

The Juice often blogs about the misuse of Tasers by the police, but not this time. No, this time the use appears to have been justified – it’s just that the officer’s aim was abysmal! As reported by The Orlando Sentinel:

An unusual injury followed a confrontation in downtown Orlando last month when police tried to disarm a man outside One Eyed Jack’s sports bar, records show.

Rather than shoot Travis James Rodriguez for not dropping a Glock pistol on Dec. 8, a police officer used an electronic stun gun that delivers 50,000 volts through prongs tethered by tiny wires. One prong punctured Rodriguez’s right eyeball as the Taser automatically discharged a five-second shock, according to Orlando police.

Of course the bar was called One Eyed Jack’s.

“Rodriguez had removed the gun from his waistband and was holding it up at chest level, parallel to his body,” Officer Jason Portilla wrote of why he triggered his stun gun. “As a result of Rodriguez turning his body…one of the Taser prongs struck Rodriguez in the right eye. The other Taser prong struck …his left side.”

Rodriguez, 22, was admitted afterwards to Orlando Regional Medical Center for an undisclosed period of treatment. He was charged with carrying a concealed firearm and resisting arrest.

Rodriguez gave police a false address and could not be reached Friday. The incident report was recently released after a request by the Orlando Sentinel.

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