Shorts / Wayne Gretzky's Trick Shots!!

Script

Wayne Gretzky's Trick Shots!!

By Dan Gurewitch & Patrick Cassels

EXT. WAYNE GRETZKY'S HOUSE - DAY
WAYNE GRETZKY stands in the road, far from his house,
holding a hockey stick, and addresses the camera. Similar to
the tone of actual viral videos like this, Wayne adopts the
self-satisfied snarky attitude of a teenager.
WAYNE
Hi, I'm Wayne Gretzky. Sometimes I
see people trying trick shots on
the Internet, and it's
embarrassing. So today I'm going to
show you scrubs how it's done,
GRETZKY STYLE.
Wayne slapshots the puck. It flies towards his house. We
hear a DOORBELL IN THE DISTANCE. Wayne smirks at camera as
SOMEONE OPENS THE DOOR, confused.
EXT. WAYNE'S GARAGE
Wayne presses a button on a garage door remote. The door
closes towards the ground. Just as it's about to hit the
ground, Wayne slapshots a puck, which becomes lodged between
the door and the ground. Wayne smirks at camera. Behind him,
the door CREAKS and MOANS against the pressure.
INT. WAYNE'S HOUSE (LIVING ROOM)
Wayne sits in a recliner (unreclined).
WAYNE
You lazybones will like this one.
Wayne slapshots a puck from a sitting position. It ricochets
around the room, off a few walls, then hits the button on
the side of his chair - opening it up into a reclining
position. He sighs in self-satisfied relaxation.
EXT. WAYNE'S HOUSE
Wayne stands next to the side of his house, hitting a puck
against a wall OVER AND OVER again with a cocky smile. It
never touches the ground, just ricocheting between the wall
and his constantly-swinging hockey stick.
INT. WAYNE'S HOUSE (KITCHEN)
Wayne carefully places a puck on its edge.
WAYNE
This one's all about finesse.
He slapshots the puck, which proceeds to SPIN RAPIDLY IN
PLACE, without moving at all. It goes on a little too long.
Wayne smiles at camera, knowing how awesome he is.
EXT. WAYNE'S HOUSE
Wayne slapshots the puck across his yard - it hits a
beehive. A swarm of bees emerge, buzzing around.
WAYNE
Wait for it...
The bees swarm around the puck, pick it up, and carry it
into the goal. Wayne throws up two SHOCKER HAND-MOTIONS.
EXT. WAYNE'S HOUSE
WAYNE
This one's for Jerry, George,
Elaine and Kramer.
Wayne slapshots seven pucks in a row. Each ricochets off
different parts of the goal's metal crossbars; they play the
opening notes of the "Seinfeld" theme. He smirks.
INT. WAYNE'S HOUSE (LIVING ROOM)
Wayne holds his stick with an odd-looking grip.
WAYNE
This works about half the time.
He slapshots the puck. THE CAMERA whips forward, then stops,
backtracks and finds the puck MOVING SUPER SLOW.
WAYNE
Just kidding. I can do this in my
sleep.
EXT. WAYNE'S HOUSE (DRIVEWAY)
Two goals are set up. Wayne slapshots the puck. Hard. The
puck SPLITS INTO TWO HALVES. Each half lands in two separate
goals. Wayne pumps his fist, excited.
WAYNE
Boo yah!
EXT. WAYNE'S HOUSE
Wayne slapshots the puck directly into a bare tree. Like
magic, the tree instantly sprouts colorful leaves.
WAYNE
Spring has sprung.
EXT. WAYNE'S HOUSE
Wayne looks up and slapshots the puck. It zooms impossibly
upward, toward the moon. We hear a
faint "boom." The moon starts to plummet to earth, shaking
and making rumbling noises.
WAYNE
Oh, s**t. Let's get out of here.
Wayne scurries away like a teenage kid in trouble.
END.