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Dr Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist

Category: Relationship

Satisfied Customers: 4627

Experience: Certified Hypnotherapist, Author, 13+years of experience.

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Dear sir/madam I have a american gf for the past 9 months.

Customer Question

Dear sir/madam

I have a american gf for the past 9 months. I recently went to india and my parents are forcing me to come back forever and take over the family business. But i promised my parents that i will come back in 15 days, if they let me go. they are not aware of the american gf i have. I have talked to her about her coming with me to India, which she refused and i completly understand her point of view.

Now its time for me to go back and i yet not have courage to tell her that i have to go back to my family business and parents as they don't have anybody but me and i don't have any family in US. I don't know,Tomorrow is my day to fly and i have asked my parents to give me one more week. But time is running out for me. they don't understand. my love, all this while i was here i tried to fight with her, so she can leave me with anger or what ever, but she still loves me. What do you think i should do? I love her very much this decision is more painful to me than its going to be for her.

Be honest with her. She had already told you that she does not to go to India (not sure if this is definite or for the time being) It is also unclear as to how long you've been dating. Regardless, you would want to tell her about your family obligation. Surely she must of at least known that you have to go back at some point.

Try to talk to your parents if you feel that sharing this info with them would be helpful to you. Do not expect them to understand or change their minds.

Ask your girlfriend if she would be willing to keep in touch (mail, internet/skype, etc) She may decide to come and visit at least at some point in the future. If not, at least you've given her options.

She clearly knows that i have to go back at some point of time, and she has already told me that if i go back it would be just an end to our relationship. But as she clearly deosnt understand the point.

I don't know, i have tried to convey it to her. But i guess, you are right. i have to tell her, about this.

All this time i was just paranoid about losing her to somebody else. We have been dating for 9 months, in which i spent 2 months in India.

Its like 7 months.

Can you suggest me how should i start this conversation?This is the first time in my life i am in such a situation, where two people i love the most live 10k miles apart. and for me both of them are very important.I will certainly talk to my parents about it.

Customer:replied 4 years ago.

Hi,

Yesterday, she invited me over after two days. Which i coudn't resist on going, I made my mind that i am going to talk to her about our relationship. Went with all her mind, as soon as i saw her on the door steps, the whole night, she sleeping right next to me, I didn't had the courage to talk to her about the right things about my family and everything.

I am taking her to Boston tommorow and see if i can talk to her about this. Can you give me some suggestions how to initiate the conversation?

You would want to talk to her some place private (where she can focus on what you are saying and also if she gets emotional, to be able to express her feelings)

You can go over a mini summary of your relationship (how it had made you fee, what your hopes were/are for it, ask her what she thinks and feels about it as well)

Make sure that you engage her in the conversation firstand then let her know what is going to take place (your position in this situation, your feelings and your hopes for the relationship- whatever they are)

Ask her what would be realistic (let her know that there are other relationship that face similar situation- distance, family obligations, etc) and that they find a way to make it work out.

There is never an easy way to bring difficult info to the attention of someone you care about. Just make sure that you're patient with her and let her vent if she has to do so.

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