Sometimes I want to jump off a building
To see if I could fly,
Sometimes I want to run into a wall
To see which of us breaks first,
Sometimes I want to stab myself
To see if I still bleed,
Sometimes I want to stop feeling
To make it the thinking stop.

Sometimes I want to run away
Just to see how far I’d go,
Sometimes I want to lock myself out
And throw away the key,
Explore underground tunnels
Walking on train tracks,
Walk barefoot on the streets,
Stand in a t-shirt under a storm
And scream out loud
Until it all
Stops.

Make it stop.
All the voices in my head.
They’re too loud.
They ask the same questions over and over
And I don’t have the answers.
Make them leave me alone.

The people who could push the voices away
They’re not here right now.
So I’ll put my headphones on to drown out the noise.
And as long as there’s music
I’ll be ok
As long as they leave me alone

March snow
Is like and intangible soft coldness
Coming from the white sky
That’s falling apart
In a million white pieces.
Each snowflake is a small cold you can barely feel,
A small happiness
Of childhood memories and you tell everyone
“It’s snowing!”
It’s snowing
In March.

March snow
Is the unexpected happiness
Of finding something you thought you’d lost
And the bittersweet hope
That it stays, just for a while
So that Paris can be white,
Innocent just for a day
All troubles
Wiped away
It’s snowing
In Paris
In March.

You are like March snow.
A beautiful happiness
With a tiny coldness,
The bittersweet hope.
And I hope
You never
Go.

If I were green or blue
If I fell in love with you
If I thought not as you do
Would you still love me as you do?
Or would you treat me like some goo?
Because I’m not the same as you?

If I were asking you to choose
One or the other of your shoes
If you could just take me apart
Replace the thoughts inside my heart
If you could keep the bits you like
And throw away those that you don’t
Scream it all out from a mic
Because you think that you won’t
Mind if half of me is gone.
If all the fights that I have won
Disappear out in the blue
And I agree with all you do
If you rip me up in two
Keep all the nice of me for you
Then I would not be me
No I would not even be

If you think that you can silence me
On all those things we don’t agree on
Then it’s far worse than a tyranny
‘Cause I’d have nothing left to go on
If you take away my thought
If you take away my words
If you bring me back to nought
Forget those things that you have heard,

If you won’t listen
To what I have to say
Then who are you
To tell me
What I
have
To be?

……………………………………………………………..oldstoriesresurging…………………………………………

This poem dates from February 2014, that just goes to show how even my numerical stuff is in such a mess, I found this today and decided to share it before I forgot it even existed.

My last exam ever (for this school year anyway) is a history-geography oral tomorrow morning so I should really be working on that and I’ll be more active after that (until my camp that is).

Locked up
Locked in
Locked out.
Checked upon
To see if I
Conform well.
I don’t.
But I’m terrified they’ll find out.
They.
They don’t know.
They can’t understand that I’m falling,
Desperately grabbing onto loose
Ends
Friends
Anything that will keep me sane
Because as soon as I admit,
Nothing can ever be the same.
And I’m terrified,
But my voice is too quiet
It doesn’t shout
Like everyone else’s.

They don’t know I’m falling
Because to them I’m standing still.

The sentinels come
And stare,
But they only see
What they want to see.
So they can’t see the truth.
And they can’t be told because they don’t understand.
They won’t, or they can’t?
I don’t know.
They don’t know
I’m falling
Because to them
I’m standing still.
Locked in
Locked out
Locked up.

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