I remember when I was 16. I got this tiny little Ford Escort ZX2… so cool right…. except mine looked more like this. Yeah I scored a whole lot with that thing….

It wasn’t long after I got the Rad Red Racer that my one black friend told me about Bass.

“What’s Bass?” I asked myself, I mean. I know that this treble thing makes it easier to hear the vocals.

From there it was a Best Buy overhaul. I had two 12″ Polk Audio Subs. They brought the bass. I was one of those clowns rolling around town with a license plate rattling so loud I thought every nelly song had hi hat. Even the Skits.

Not sure what any of the lyrics have to do with bass…. I just know that Lil Wayne likes bass. PS White people like Lil Wayne. At least I do. There is probably a post about that already. And if there isn’t there should be…

I checked. There isn’t. Shame. Even bigger shame is that the first “stuff white like” post to come up in a search of “stuff white like Lil Wayne” was a rather bitter comment about how unfortunate it is that “scarves” are not white only anymore because of “gangsta” Lil Wayne in #97 Scarves.

If I were Weezy. I’d be pissed about this. The guy is easily one of the most liked black people by white people… I mean… Mos Def got one, and Barrack Obama got one too. Whitey likes Weezy, let’s get on that. What was I talking about again? Oh yeah. Bass.

I just recently got back from my little brothers high school band concert. As I often do, I searched for as many stereotypes as I could find amongst this younger generation. There were no male flute players. There were no women Baritone players. There weren’t any black players period. Soon everything was explained.

The Jazz Band came on next. Black people like Jazz. At least they like being good at it. Look at all the greatest jazz players and see the overwhelming number of black musicians.

(I would like to take a moment here to clarify something obvious that many people might not GET. Black people like Jazz. That’s a joke. That’s supposed to be THE joke. Black people. Just like White people. Just like People people! Like MUSIC. That’s the truth. But that’s not as fun to write about.)

Where was I again! Bass, yeah..

So the Jazz band came on. My brother, my literal, white brother, not like the way black people say it, TRIED, to play sax. But my attention was back to my stereotypes. Sure enough. There they were. Two of the six black kids in the school. Playing the bass. And a well known fact. Is that black people can play bass.

So from all of this what have we learned. I don’t know. I still have no idea why black people like bass. What to do. AHA! Idea. Where do you go for A QUALITY CORRECT AND ALWAYS USEFUL ANSWER. Of course. Yahoo Answers!

SBPLA: Hey Yahoo! I got a question for you?

Yahoo!: What is it this time? Why is the sky blue. Why are Men better at ALL sports than Women? (You have to read the current BEST ANSWER. Then prepare to feel dumber and dumber as you read comment after comment. THE ANSWER is just THATS THE WAY WE ARE MADE. Don’t argue with Biology. And don’t argue with Religion while you are at it. It must be said however the physical shape, work ethic, determination, will, and desire to win, to be the best, to be better… well things like that can change even “facts” like this one.) Are boogers healthy? That one was answered by a real regular here on yahoo answers.

SBPLA: No. Yahoo! I was just wondering why black people like Bass. Could you tell me? My one black friend is out of town. He doesn’t like the cold. Being black and all. So he moves away during the winter.

YAHOO!: Oh why didnt you just say so. I got the answer to that age old question right here.

SBPLA: Thanks Yahoo!

And thank you “back alley abortion” for your “best answer” Turns out black people are more rhythmical. Bass is a rhythm instrument. And this is because of the black, or more appropriately for anyone who only just got pissed off now, African American, culture historically encouraging dancing. While us uppety white folk frowned upon dancing. Just look at any 50’s school dance scene in a movie. You’ll see the stereotypes in effect.

Like this:

Related

24 Responses

All black people can play bass. It’s a freakish genetic gift. I picked up the bass for the first time and within minutes I could play anything by James Jamerson and the bassline to the Barney Miller theme.

I saw this post, and even though I kinda sarcastically laughed, I can see where you’re going. Just vaguely. Jazz has a little bass, and it’s what old black people liked. They’d listen to it in juke joints while wearing technicolor suits. Their kids, the black baby boomers, used elements of jazz to make R&B and Soul music, which led to hip-hop, which my generation (Gen Y) listens to. So, bass is just a recycled heirloom that black people just hear. It still doesn’t quite explain why we don’t like drum n bass, though!

BTW, it wouldn’t hurt to get a black person writing on this blog, or at least a non-black person that was adopted by an all black family in the inner city. Or me.

1) Big butts (See “Baby Got Back” by Sir-Mix-A-Lot)
2) Calling each other “Nigga” (not to be confused with nigger, a term that is considered highly offensive and is liable to get a white person shot after he chooses to say it)
3) MD 20/20
4) Family Reunions
5) Repasses (time after funerals where there is a celebratory period, usually complete with soul food, red/purple/blue drink, DRANK, and loud music
6) Sitting outside of their houses in lawn chairs
7) Their neighborhoods
8) Large sums of money
9) Imperfect Grammar (or, Ebonics)
10) Disliking white people

Anyways, post is sooo true. I mean, I doubt I’m any good at bass, nor do I really like bass (as mentioned previously, I’m the “asian one”, so I don’t fit the normal stereotype… Speak a little Japanese and want to be a translator, and you’re the asian one!!!.. I digress..), but over the summer when a group of peeps from my school went to VTech for research, my friend, Arthur, who is black, would ALWAYS — yes, always — play his songs uber loud in the car and the bass would be pumping. I’ve asked him on numerous occasions “WTF? That song made no sense…”. He replied “Fuck the song. I just like the beat.” (or something to that extent)

I find it funny that the blog “stuff white people like” is constant clever and mostly true satire about the generalizations of white people. Yet the blog “stuff black people like” is about %60 apologizing and having to state over and over how the writer has black friends, and isn’t trying to be offensive, and how the things he says aren’t really true. Every other sentence seems to be “no really just kidding” except the sentences making fun of white stereotypes.

Why is it that when white people fit the stereotypes it’s funny but when black people fit the stereotypes about them it’s racist to point it out and taboo to make fun of it.

I though they wanted equality? well equality comes with it’s equal share of being made fun of for having an instinctual love of fried chicken and a world view that says the most lofty goal a human could possibly achieve is either rapping or playing sports.

Overall, I think this SBPL and the SWPL site let in a little fresh air. My only observation is that SWPL is satire regarding upper middle class white people, while SBPL targets folks a little lower on the socio-economic ladder. Whatever happened to noblesse oblige. I don’t know, I always get a little uncomfortable when everyone starts snickering at people who live in trailers.

Can we get a site called ‘what black people like’ written by a black author? No disrespect, but I think your blog would be a liiiitle more accurate if written by someone who is black. Writing from an outside perspective is cute for like a school project, but I highly doubt a person of color wants to be told what they like by a white person.

You also forgot:
15.) Talking on their cellphones(^) with the speakerphone turned all the way up.
16.) Wearing chains (necklaces).
17.) Wearing their hats anyway but forwards.
18.) Keeping the hat size sticker on their caps.
19.) Soccer (Jamaican’s especially).

Blacks love talking shit about any/everything
blacks love having a religion/jesus
blacks love smoking weed out of cigar paper
blacks love gansta movies
black males love wearing cinncinatti reds caps because it makes them think people thing they are crips
blacks don’t love coupons but love gettin the hook up/free stuff
blacks love the bus
blacks love to correct people when they are wrong
blacks love a sale
blacks love marvin gaye it will get you laid with minimum effort
blacks love making up new words and slang
blacks love being on the phone in public because it makes them look popular/important
blacks love having a harrassed/pulled over by the cops story because your not really black without one
black women love wearing little shorts because no black woman believes they are fat unless they are exactly 501 lbs.
black people love juice all juice
black people love crabs but not lobster
black people like being educated but still acting hood/ it’s considered keeping it real
black people like grease/hair/food/sex/car
black people like eating out
black people like to not tip

In the modern world,the fashionable are everywhere,anyone want to a advocate fashion sign.it is no doubt that,Hermes is a point to fashion,many people dream to have it,but the original Hermes products will cost you too much time and money.On http://www.ahhermesbags.com ,you will have a shopping experience never before,they offer high qaulity replica hermes products,hermes handbags,like hermes birkin,birkin bag,hermes kelly,hermes original,hermes wallets,hermes belts,hermes scarf,hermes jewelry,hermes watches and so on.You will find anything you want to buy.At the same time,all of this hermes products are made of top quality material,but cheap price sales.During the discount time,you only use the discount coupon code”AHHERMES” to checkout will get 5% discount.How a amazing new,Let’s do it!

I’m a white bread boy, and for years I’ve had a knack for playing bass — not just bass in general, but that snappy popping funky bass pioneered by Sly Stone’s bassist, Larry Graham, continued by Herbie Hancock’s bassist Paul Jackson, and made famous by the “Seinfeld” show.