One thing I've learned is that when you go to apartment buildings, the foyer is always far far nicer than the apartments. You'll be in a huge marble atrium with a roaring, gold-trimmed fireplace, walking on a red velvet Oscar-night-style carpet, thinking you're about to enter the lap of luxury, but then the place will be a broom closet with a kitchenette. But this place - this is the first I've been to that was nicer - way nicer - than the lobby. And bigger. If you lived here, your neighbors would constantly be bugging you to let them come over and watch the big game, or sunbathe on your terrace, etc. I'd suggest investing in a taser.

I mean, there's not really a lot I can add to the photographs. This is like a place George Clooney would live. Limestone flooring, plaster moldings, a silver leaf painted rotunda ceiling (!), a Vegas presidential-suite-quality master bedroom, with an en suite bathroom the size of a helicopter landing pad. All this place is missing is a huge veranda with an ivy-covered stone arch overlooking the Potomac. OH WAIT IT HAS THAT TOO.

When most places say they overlook the water, it means yes, you can see the water, if you squint and stand on your tiptoes and look between those two trees over there. But you could actually jump from this veranda into the Potomac, if you wanted to. Not that you'd want to, though on the other hand if you were, say, sitting out there playing Scrabble and losing really badly to your sister's boyfriend, and he started smirking as you spelled out "cat," then why not just heave the whole board into the river? When I did this, we didn't have a water view, so it just landed in the yard and I had to go downstairs and retrieve it while my family watched from above in disappointment. Really could've used a water view that day.