Education System Failing Procrastinators

BIRMINGHAM - New research by the University of Birimingham says that Britain's education system is failing the procrastinators and the don't-give-a-shitists.

A national campaign spearheaded by Inhopeless has been started in earnest.

"I was a major procrastinator," he said. "Most of my homework was either lost, done the night before, and in a few cases, done in the lesson before it was due in. I want kids to realise that they can pretend to give a shit, or once in a while keep up appearances of not procrastinating."

The study, conducted over five years and in 200 different secondary schools, found out that nearly 91% of procrastinators fail to get a Level 2 qualification (A* to C grades at GCSE or a Foundation level Diploma), with many failing to even turn up for the exam.

"I had an Art exam on a Monday," said Inhopeless. "Get this... I had two months to do 45 hours of coursework. I started on the Friday before the exam."

Michael Gove, the Education Minister, has thrown his full weight behind the scheme, which will give procrastinators the skills they'll need to continue procrastinating in a professional capacity.