Heartened by their triumph hosting this year's Olympics and steeled by years of gritting their teeth while taking it up the ass, the Greeks chosen the venue for their next triumph. What is it? It's whatever court hears international lawsuits over unfair portrayals of historical figures by coke addled film directors. I don't know what that court's called, but I'm guessing it's in The Hague.

A group of Greek lawyers led by none other than new age composer/total dreamboat Yannis Varnakos has threatened to sue Oliver Stone over his portrayal of Alexander the Great in the upcoming film Alexander. The the lawyers admit they haven't actually seen the movie, but from what they gather, apparently Stone's Alexander isn't only interested in putting his gyro into spanokopita, if you know what I mean. What I'm trying to say is that his grape leaves are as delicious in hummus as they are in... ah... a man's butt.

I, for one, am proud to support the Greeks. Audiences have come to expect historical accuracy from Oliver Stone, and I think he should be legally compelled to deliver. I also think that even the intimation that Alexander the Great was bisexual is offensive. Haven't the gays blighted history enough?