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Topic : 05/30 Pretty/Ugly

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Created on : Friday, September 09, 2005, 03:43:52 pm

Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 09/16/05) How important do you think looks really are? And, do you think attractive people get treated better in society? Dr. Phil's son, Jay, goes out in disguise to see if people really do judge a book by its cover. You won't believe the results, nor the response that surprised him the most! Plus, Debi favors her older daughter because she’s "beautiful" and treats her youngest like "dirt" because she's "fat and unattractive." Can Dr. Phil help her love both girls equally? And, Michelle only lets her daughter play with pretty kids on the playground because she equates beauty with success in life. Will she learn to re-evaluate her standards? Tell us your thoughts on today's show.

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Word of Encouragement

I was totally heartsick and disgusted by the way that poor little girl Victoria was treated by her mother. I grew up the fat, unhealthy kid from a family of skinny people. My mother gained a lot of weight after having four children but she used to show me pictures of her when she was tiny and say it was our fault that she was now fat. She always pointed out how my sister was naturally slender and how I was a big build, I'd always be "big" (by which she meant fat) and she would buy me dowdy, unnatractive clothing because she said anything else made me look "Like the side of a barn". Even my best friend got in on the act, following the example of my mother and her parents who constantly made my weight an issue. She was skinny, blonde and pretty and I was her "fat friend." I was not even allowed to ride her horse because I might hurt it's back with my weight..(btw the horse was HALF CLYDESDALE...I was not obese, just overweight for my age/height)

by age 10 I was convinced that my weight was totally MY fault, that I was guilty of some kind of terrible sin of ugliness for which the world was constantly judging me. I began a starving and binging cycle at that age which I still struggle with.

I've grown up with low self esteem, eating disorder issues, mental illness issues and fluctuating weight problems. I now have fibromyalgia which severly limits my physical activity and psychiatric medications which have caused weight gain. Sometimes it seems like the problem will never end but I won't give up! I still want to lose the weight but now by doing it the right and healthy way. To keep living the way I was, feeling ugly and hopeless and second best wasn't working for me and it never will. I have already begun to see signs of preoccupation with looks and weight in my five year old daughter which she has picked up from school and television so I work hard to make her feel like she's perfect the way she is and that other people's judgements should be as water off a ducks back, just as she should not judge others appearances.

I hope Victoria's mother can find her way out of the pit of shallowness that she lives in for the sake of both her daughters because her attitude made me sick to my stomach.

You have clearly had a hard time growing up and i would just like to commend you on your effort to never give up, Well done. I wish you all the luck, and i wish you and your daughter every happiness.

...

I have to say that I think it’s wrong to tell people it’s okay to feel good about themselves when they’re ugly. Being an ugly girl myself, I know what it’s like. I am 23 and have experienced the disadvantages of being ugly all my life. I know it would have been a lot harder to deal with if I had believed that I am worth just as much as a beautiful person. I am not just as good as anyone else and thinking otherwise would put me in a very weak position. It would be to tough to handle. I think it’s better to try and accept the fact that my life is worth less instead of lying to myself thinking I am okay the way I am. There was a time when I started thinking I had the right to be here and I can tell you that when people told me the truth to my face, I was devastated. Since then, I stopped telling myself my life was worth anything. I will never be happy, I will never have a relationship with a nice, decent looking guy, I will never get the job I want because I just don’t have the looks to close a business deal etc. I have to learn to deal with that every day because the world will never change. So after watching Dr. Phil’s show (here in Belgium it airs later than in America) I got really angry! I think it’s wrong to make people believe that they are worth something while they are obviously not. Trying to accept the fact that you’re ugly and that beautiful people live the good life is the best thing you can do. That way, you’ll never get disappointed in people because you know that that’s life and you’ll have to deal with it.

Please read :The Power of Positive Thinking"; you NEVER have to just accept anything-

I have to say that I think its wrong to tell people its okay to feel good about themselves when theyre ugly. Being an ugly girl myself, I know what its like. I am 23 and have experienced the disadvantages of being ugly all my life. I know it would have been a lot harder to deal with if I had believed that I am worth just as much as a beautiful person. I am not just as good as anyone else and thinking otherwise would put me in a very weak position. It would be to tough to handle. I think its better to try and accept the fact that my life is worth less instead of lying to myself thinking I am okay the way I am. There was a time when I started thinking I had the right to be here and I can tell you that when people told me the truth to my face, I was devastated. Since then, I stopped telling myself my life was worth anything. I will never be happy, I will never have a relationship with a nice, decent looking guy, I will never get the job I want because I just dont have the looks to close a business deal etc. I have to learn to deal with that every day because the world will never change. So after watching Dr. Phils show (here in Belgium it airs later than in America) I got really angry! I think its wrong to make people believe that they are worth something while they are obviously not. Trying to accept the fact that youre ugly and that beautiful people live the good life is the best thing you can do. That way, youll never get disappointed in people because you know that thats life and youll have to deal with it.

Poor Victoria

Here in Australia we have the opportunity to see old episodes of Dr Phil many years later. Just recently I saw the story of Debi, Hunter and Victoria (Episode pretty/ugly). I was absolutely disgusted and appalled at this woman, Debi, that I cannot really express how I feel about her. But I will try.................Debi displayed such disdain for love in its purest form. Her treatment of her daughter, Victoria, can only be described as cruel, disgusting, pathetic, cold and narcissistic. Debi admitting that only "beautiful" people make it, and ugly people are scum made me so angry. Debi should live in a house with a Downs Syndrome or Cerebral Palsy child, with the parents, for a MONTH!! And see how truly beautiful they are, even though physically they may not be!! Saying she always wanted to be a "beautiful mother" with "beautiful children" made me sick. Maybe if Debi had a car accident that permanently scarred her face to "ugliness" or being burnt on the face to "ugliness" would teach her a lesson (not that I wish it upon her). Then when Hunter runs away from her because she is so "ugly" that she will understand the impact she is having on Victoria. Even saying that Dr Phil is "borderline" when it comes to looks...........Oh! My God!! And saying that Robyn sort of balances it out..........Oh! My God!! How dare Debi attack Dr Phil. As far as I am concerned, Dr Phil is one of the most "beautiful" people on earth because of his ability to know and love everyone for who they are. Robyn is a very lucky lady, not just a "beautiful" balance. Debi, to me, is a poor excuse for a mother. She should never have been given the God given right to the ultimate honour on this earth, and that is motherhood. As far as I am concerned, Debi is THE UGLIEST, poorest, pathetic, non-deserving excuse for a mother. What she has done to Victoria borders on child abuse and neglect. Debi did not even shed a tear when Dr Phil told her that maybe Victoria's eating is a cry for help. All she could say was "yes, possibly". If I could, I would adopt that poor child and give her all the love, guidance, support, kisses, cuddles, laughs and attention that she deserves, because Debi does not deserve to have her. I would at least give her a "princess" room to start with. Debi!! You make me sick..........................