5 Fantasy League 2018 - Newsletter 5

My wife said you are losing weight. I said I haven’t played with Tuck Shop Tillett lately and Bob Doe only gave me a little Mars bar. I played with Farquhar Mackay who told me the mobile hairdresser comes to his house. I played with Everready Wilkins who told me someone comes in to cut his toe nails and Gunga does it too hopefully not on Havering rate payer expenses. I played with Colin Brown and he doesn’t look at the ball when putting and I played with Bob Brookes who I thought had forgotten his putter but he hadn’t as he just prefers a 7 iron. There are all sorts in the Seniors. I met a new member on Friday when I played with James Smyth. He likes scuba diving but didn’t volunteer to help Doug when his ball sunk in the pond on the second hole. After coaxing James told me he has a five month old puppy called Pedro who is a Spanish water dog and has webbed feet presumably for when James takes him scuba diving. Then he said I am not a name dropper but did you know I had breakfast with Helen Mirren. He didn’t say whether she has webbed feet or cuts her own toe nails. I look forward to playing with him again. ​

Oh I forgot there are three results to announce. Congratulations to Fairbanks Garvey who pipped me and several others to land the Hastie Trophy medal and to O Steve Abbott who pipped Stonewall Jackson to the Golden Days Cup. Stonewall is becoming a bit of a dark horse for the Golfer of the Year and Eccles Easthope is being investigated for insider training as only he picked him. I expect transfer money to correct that. In the Spring Stableford forgotten superstar Capability Brown landed a trophy after numerous near misses so well done to him and Mr Watt was second and had his best outing since the 1958 Grand National. Managers of the week were Easthope, Trett, and Polden who we expect back from delivering healthy twins in the near future – anyone thirsty - whilst Tony D still leads overall. Finally many seniors do things and then check they have done it by doing it again. Signing In on Inspector Regan’s terminal is like that as you do actually have to press sign in twice. It is designed especially for us so don’t forget and don’t press accept for your score until it is all in. There is no going back – we all know that too.

PS If all this rain has left your golf shoes dirty you can leave them by Gordon’s locker and they will be returned cleaned and polished after a few days. Unfortunately this service is only available to players who have the same shoe size as Gordon to avoid raising suspicion.

NB Past 2018 Newsletters can be viewed under the Archive button.

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