Stress Pandemic Part 2: Change the Big Things

In Stress Pandemic Part 1, I wrote about the little things that you can do to help to reduce stress and anxiety. I questioned you to think about how many people you know:

Who are on tablets for stress/anxiety

Who have been / are off work due to stress related illnesses

Who have or wanted to quit their job due stress

Who feel trapped in a job or in situations they are unhappy in

Did you know a lot of people in this position?

Would you like to know about the big changes that you can make to help with stress?

– Do You Need Big Changes for Stress Management? –

Sometimes, little things don’t help because there are environmental factors that are out of your control. It could be work, a partner, family or friend; there are some things we can’t change. Sometimes necessary to cut those things out for our own peace of mind and sanity.

There are things we can not control internally, so must control externally. Toxic people and workplaces are heighten stress and anxiety, plus they can negatively impact our mental and physical health. You should never suffer or stay in these places.

Here is an example of an event that caused big changes for my friend. She had a senior colleague who absolutely hated her. No matter what she did, how she performed, how much effort she put in, how late she stayed after work, it was never enough for him.

Swearing, yelling at her and getting so irate he would sometimes cover her with spit as he yelled, nothing was ever enough. She got put down and told she was stupid on a daily basis, whilst being told her degree was worthless because ‘they must hand them out if a woman like you has one’. This was her daily life for almost four months.

She never raised her voice or got angry, which he would often say made him more angry.

Every working day, she had to put up with being shouted at daily and made to feel inferior, stupid and uncomfortable. It destroyed her. When she told her boss how it was affecting her, he would say that’s the way that employee is and she needed to ‘toughen up’.

There was nothing she could do to change this situation. She tried really hard to make friends with this guy, to talk to him, but nothing was enough. He just hated her, for no apparent reason and no-one would do anything about it. Subsequently her mental health deteriorated and she had to sign herself off on the sick.

Due to this, she made some major changes in her life. This event inspired her to follow her heart. She sold her house, car and all her possessions apart from some sentimental things. Now she is happy and lives an amazing life on a tropical island teaching English, practising Yoga and watching the sunset with a coconut every evening.

Sometimes these really dark times in life can propel you on to do amazing things and follow your dreams.

Sometimes, people or workplaces are just toxic and it’s not you fault. It’s just unlucky to come across these people.

To be honest, now she is in a better place. Another friend told me that she feels sorry for the guy that bullied her. It must be painful to hurt so much, or be so insecure and jealous that you feel you need to pick on a sensitive woman like that. Saying that, I am fond of this quote:

Some people don’t know how to process pain and insecurities, so they project it onto others.

This is not your fault.

Nor do you have to put up with it. Your workplace should support you, but if you cannot get the support, do what is right for you. If it’s outside of the workplace, it’s up to you to put the wheels in motion to sort this out.

Sometimes you might not able to get any peace of mind from work, maybe your boss is piling on the pressure, or doesn’t see the person shouting at you (they are clever and won’t do it with an audience). Maybe your co-workers aren’t pleasant, or are worried about their own jobs and won’t stick up for you. Perhaps you voice your concerns, kept a diary of events and voiced grievances, but you seem to be hitting brick walls.

Life is becoming more and more unpleasant. There may be a million and one reasons why you’re not content or happy at work. The fact is, though… that you are unhappy.

Maybe it’s a friend who cannot help putting you down, or a family member…

Sometimes the best thing you can do for your own sanity, is leave the job that is causing so much pain for you, or cut out that friend, or avoid this family member.

Life is too short, to stay trapped in a miserable job, in a miserable existence, or to stay friends with negative people. Especially if it affects your quality of life outside of work. You can change your life for the better though, in a positive way.

Remember, this isn’t your fault.

The UK has a serious issue with stress in the workplace and it comes from poor management. Many people are unhappy and project it into friendships. It mainly stems from power and ego.

Many people encounter bosses with big ego’s (I’m sure we all have at one point), most do not climb the ladder without stepping on people or without putting others down.

It’s not a compassionate game, it’s really quite ruthless. It can sometimes be the same with friendships, or within a family.

This is worth remembering: If something makes you feel continually stressed, unhappy and worthless, then it’s time to reflect and think of other options, positively!

– Sometimes it’s Time to Make Big Changes –

If keeping the little things in check isn’t working so well for you anymore and there are too many external factors, remember that while you make the big changes, it is also super important to keep the little things in check. It will keep you on the right path and grounded through making major shifts.

Decide What Changes To Make

Is it

Applying for a new job?

Relocating?

Starting again somewhere new?

Changing careers?

Going back to study at college/university?

Any others? Let me know in the comments below

There might be lots of different positive big changes you want to make. You need to decide how accessible these changes are and make a plan on how to achieve it. There is a wealth of information on the internet of people who have left stressful and painful situations and changed their lives; hopefully it will inspire you to do the same.

Think About Relationships

Either in work, or outside of work, you should have people who support you, who are on similar wavelengths and positive about changes you want to make.

Your partner should be loving, caring and supportive of your life. Do you feel good in your circle of friends? Do you socialise outside of bad habits, such as drinking, etc? If not, maybe its time to think of some big changes.

Confide in Friends & Family

Talk to friends and family who are positive, supportive and have similar mindsets to you. When making big changes in life, you need a positive supportive network around you. Try to avoid unsupportive and negative people, you know what is right for you and as Paulo Coelho said:

Perseverance, Consistency & Patience

How many people talk about change, but do not commit, persevere, stick with it and be consistent in their path?

You need all four of these factors to succeed. You have it in you, but you have to acquire the behavioral changes for big lifestyle changes.

It’s not easy, but it is attainable. You need to do things frequently and often so they become habit.

In his brief 1890 work, Habit, William James- a writer, philosopher and physician considered to be one of the fathers of modern psychology laid out observations on forming new and lasting behaviors:

“Put yourself assiduously in conditions that encourage the new way;” He wrote. “Make engagements incompatible with the old; take a public pledge, if the case allows; in short, envelop your resolution with every aid you know. This will give your new beginning such a momentum that the temptation to break down will not occur as soon as it otherwise might; and every day during which a breakdown is postponed adds to the chances of its not occurring at all.”

From Job to Vocation?

a strong feeling of suitability for a particular career or occupation.

“not all of us have a vocation to be nurses or doctors”

synonyms:

calling, life’s work, mission, purpose, function; More

A person’s employment or main occupation, especially regarded as particularly worthy and requiring great dedication.

“her vocation as a poet”

Sometimes we feel stuck in a job we hate or aren’t fulfilled by anymore. A lot of people search for a vocation; something that’s meaningful to them and makes a person feel enthused and passionate. Something that feels rewarding, rather than a chore.

We should all be aiming for this! Time to think:

What are your natural gifts?

What are you good at?

What lights a fire inside of you?

What lights up your creative side?

How can you be of service to the world?

We need big changes when we feel stuck in life, or stress is affecting our mental health, but it is totally achievable.

With planned life goals, being consistent, persevering and having patience, you can change your life for the better.

Have faith and go forward!

There is light at the end of the tunnel, you can escape the stress pandemic!