Making referrals

When I am absent from the blog for a while I feel like a stranger when I come back, despite the fact it is my own space.

I’ve found it really hard to write this last couple of weeks, the ideas keep coming, but I just never seem to get time to sit down, or when I do something else has happened and I am no longer in the mood. A war of words with the Mothership will do that to you.

A few weeks ago I finally made the decision to have myself referred for counselling, although my boss had also decided that if I didn’t they would anyway. So far I have had two assessments in quick succession, and I’ll now have to wait to find out which kind of counsellor I am being referred to, that could take 12 weeks, but at least I am in the system.

I need to do this. In the first session I cried for the whole 45 minutes and even though I am usually uncomfortable talking about myself, I tried to be as honest as I could. At the second assessment the lady really gave me something to think about, she asked about experiences I had been through. I though I was pretty unremarkable, but when I answered the questions I was able to say I had seen someone die, had a friend murdered and witnessed someone attempting to commit suicide. She wrote frantically at that point, even though I said I didn’t think any of those events had shaped my life, but how do I know.

At the end of the session I asked her if I was just wasting everyone’s time being there, because in my head I didn’t feel that what I am going through warranted their time, but she assured me it did, and told me I had done the right thing. She was also able to tell from the way I answered the questions that I lack confidence, which lifted a weight off my shoulders, because that is one of the things I would like to address.

Although I am scared about what is to come because several people have told me this will not be an easy process, I feel better that I have finally been brave enough to try. It certainly can’t make things any worse.

You will however be glad to know that she was full of approval with regards to the fact that I write a blog. I was particularly glowing in my description of you all, saying how beneficial I found it, and it was nice that she got it and understood, because not everyone does. She says I need to keep writing because it’s a good way to get things out in the open as opposed to bottling them up. How I do that I don’t know, because I am not sure here is the place for that. I think perhaps that as I start to change so will the blog and perhaps that is no bad things as long as I can keep an element of humour running though it. I told her I miss my funny and want to find it again.

So my hope is that I will be a little more regular here, but then again I always say that and it never happens, so for now I won’t be making any Mid Year Resolutions, I’m just going to see how it goes.

That’s great news, caring for a parent has to be hands down THE hardest thing a child can do. You’ve done it with hardly a complaint, but it wears a person down none the less. It’s about time you spend a little time taking care of you.

It sounds to me like you’ve taken a very important step, Juls, so don’t worry too much about your blog, it will always be there. I myself have not posted in a month—a record for me—not that I’m bragging. But then again, my not writing may have spared a few people from reading some really bad writing, too. In any case, it’s always a good idea to take a breather if we need one, and I think it helps keep our writing fresh. We all try to write regularly to keep our blog current, but sometimes life happens. So just hang tough kiddo and you’ll be alright. Besides, I think you’re doing the right thing. :o)

I think I am too, but it was a big decision making process to get to this point, so I hope it’s worthwhile.
I look back at things I wrote two to three years ago and it feels like a different person, I want that person back :)

If I may interject one more time…:P [I feel like Columbo….eh, ders one more thing, ladies.]

I am not sure we remain the same all our life (or lives, if there is more than one phase or loop to this existence). I’ve had people tell me to never change, well, one special person I met so long ago. But, I DO think we change. Life can get rough, and the battles scar us. If we didn’t change, how would we ever improve or get “uglier?” How does a good person–if all are inherently good–become a crook? How does a crook rejoin “society” after “reforming” him or herself? Is everything decided for us by some governing people or person, or do we decide what becomes of us? How much is in our control and how much is forced upon us either by “bullies” or fate?

Who we are today is just as much a hot mess of who we were in our infancy. But, as infants, we are tiny packages of what’s to come with few if any pieces showing. Just as Earth started as a ball of gas before gaining rock and water, and then plants and animals. We turn with the world as the world turns us. We are still evolving, changing. Parts of us remain just as the world retains the elements that make it livable…until that stops and, well, I guess we’d all stop living here, right? I suppose no matter how dark or light we become, we retain some of our experiences which impact us, even if new skin or bone grows to make new mountains or molehills.

But, can we ever really be as we were as kids, again? Doubtful. But, I would not be a good Sagittarius if I didn’t think anything was possible.

Thank you for sharing that very personal information, that was brave. Do what makes you feel best, don’t wonder what we will think or say…it’s you that matters. If you want to write it, do so, if you don’t want to share it, don’t. Maybe you might want to keep a journal too and that’s where you can write your thoughts that you don’t want to share here but yet want to write down. It’s a good release to write your feelings down, even if only you read them! I can only imagine the impact that those three events would have on me! Take this journey, go it at your pace…and you will come out the other side with your funny back! xo We’ll be here for you too!!

I really don’t think those things have changed me in anyway, I know people who play scenes of things they have seen over and over in their heads, luckily that’s not me.
The lady mentioned a journal as well, so that might be something I need to think about, or somewhere else to write those things down. It is a good release, I’ve found many a time that when I have fallen out with myself and post about it, by the last words I am giving myself a mental slap lol

I’m happy to hear that those things have not changed you! I think you should try the journal and just write down whatever pops in your mind. It can be random and don’t have any rules about it. You might surprise yourself with what you write and also that you may enjoy it!! Don’t slap yourself too hard!! ;-)

Sometimes Juls its about putting yourself in a position where exposing yourself on the blog is about committing an act of bravery. I say this as its also about stepping out of your comfort zone and believing in what you say…its your story, you don’t have to please anyone, if we don’t like it we can say so and move on to other blogs but if we see you are trying to regain your humour, your self then we will be as supportive as we can and try and tell you through our words that its ok to bare your soul from time to time, we are all human and we all have insecurities. So I am sure when you are ready you’ll give it another go and hopefully we’ll all make sense of it……take care..

Along with the long list of things I said to the lady I wanted to progress was the ability to let go and write without worry. Sometimes that is the barrier that stops me writing, yet in my heart I know that all the people here are good people, but still I don’t want to be miserable all the time…you’d end up writing a prompt about me, I’d be the witch at the other end of the street handing out anti love potions lol

So long as I don’t call her Juls you’ll never have to worry…..but I understand what you are saying…but as I was once told, its your blog write on it what you like and maybe there is a whole bunch of unpleasant stuff you do need to say, to get off your chest and make a clean breast of…(no pun intended..lol_)

lol If you’re going to name her at least try and make it a little less obviously…perhaps use an e on the Juls? LOL
Geez already with the chicken jokes….cos you’d never have meant anything else you being so innocent and all!!

Sometimes I don’t feel that strong, and the other times I amaze myself when I am able to successfully deal with things. Thanks and love you too, you guys have no idea how much you all being here helps.

Seeing how it goes is good enough. I’m glad you’ve found a way to reach out to others. Hopefully it will help being able to talk to a stranger – be honest with them, because you don’ t have to worry about hurting their feelings, it won’t matter how raw you are.

Your blog will be what you need it to be. Mine certainly warps and weaves depending on how I feel. And we’ll still be here no matter what you write :-)

The first day I went I said to the guy who was giving me a lift that I had no idea why I was going because I actually felt ok that day, went in and basically just fell apart and thought to myself, yep I’m doing the right thing lol

I did. It can be hard. What you really want is someone else to do the thinking and to provided easy-to-do answers. The hard part is that you’re asked questions which make you see things differently, but you’ve still to come up with your own answers! It can be emotionally draining too, because these thoughts are the feelings are normally kept tightly lidded. If nothing else, if the sessions are provided through your work, you’re at least allowed time off to go, that’s a good thing. Gives you a bit of head space.

I can understand that, when I came out after the first day I felt like someone had knocked the stuffing right out of me, but I did feel better. I think there was something comforting about the fact that I knew I was going to be getting help.

Your uncertainty about needing the thera–…counselor is common. But, do you see how it parallels your concern over blogging? Or, even, using a bathroom/restroom/WC/loo? I see it with artists and “professional” writers, too. They try to force something to happen in a given time. Food companies try to force chickens to grow and produce eggs. What the F are we all doing messing with nature?!?!

When the time and place to blog arrives, you’ll be ready. When you can speak to the therapist, you’ll be ready. But, when you’re paying to see someone on a set schedule, versus meeting with someone when you can and hashing out what’s on your mind when you both can make the time, you’re going to encounter some “constipation.” Just as you do or would if you told yourself to blog every Wednesday or Friday. You’re not a talk show host with a staff of aides running around to gather juicy tidbits you can spit out on camera. I doubt the most popular comics get by on their own. They are painted and primped and prompted by “the best” until “eeeveryone’s talking about them.”

I think every human is a bit like a house of bricks. We each come with some measure of cement. But, I have yet to meet someone so secure in their self that they don’t have any weak spots. Eventually, most if not all people have a hard time, a struggle, and reveal their weakness. When you only see someone at their best or when they have their “mask” on, you presume they are better than you or infallible. And, like many aging houses around us, there will be days when your aged structure resists the storm. Heck, you might withstand the worst storm in history. Then, just at that unexpected moment, a small storm sneaks up on you and blows the house down like the big, bad wolf.

All we can do is do our best to maintain ourselves and re-enforce our foundations.

Like me, it sounds like you’re retaining some water. It has to come out sometime. Accept you are neither invincible nor a graham cracker. :)

Time to write for me is difficult to find as well. I’ve started writing on different topics when I do find the time and saving them. Most are unfinished but there are at least 5-6 in the folder at any given time and when one is complete, I post it. It’s made posting a little more regular from my perspective.

I, too, have been to counselling multiple times throughout my life for various reasons. It’s been a few years since my last session with someone since I started writing. Having an outlet for me is incredibly helpful and has allowed me the opportunity to keep things in check. It’s a bold step to not only admit you need some help, but also to seek it out. I only know you from your writing, but my gut is telling me you’ll make it through whatever is going on. You’ll find your funny again.

I agree writing is a good outlet and for me that could be one of the problems, the more drain on my personal time, the less I have to do the things I need,, which means very little writing, it’s all a vicious circle.
Someday you’ll use those little pieces of writing, I have one from an unused prompt that’s been in my draft folder for almost a year, I refuse to delete it though, because some day I will finish it.

Oh my darlin’ eejit, don’t be afraid. Since I have been seein’ my Psychiatrist I have been somewhat more able to “deal with” my current situation. I still have a long long way to go and my self-esteem is still in the toilet, but I think I’m makin’ progress. Of course, I still have setbacks, days that I completely lose it, but not as often.

I think you have done a brave thing. I say that ’cause I did the same thing and although nobody close to me ever said to me what I just did to you, I told myself that, and it was OK to do so.

If ever there’s anything I can do, talk, chat or whatever, you know I’m here for ya, ’cause the way I see it, we’re both rowin’ the same boat.

I hope they can teach me the ability to deal, because you yourself know how hard that can be sometimes when you are running on empty and feel like there is nothing more you can give.
At this point I’ll take anything, I know it’s probably going to get worse before it gets better, but at least that means there is hope it will get a little better.

Oh Juls! Oh my sweet friend! No wonder you are falling to bits and pieces. And yes, KNOW that you are worth time and effort and it’s okay to see a therapist – because you can’t keep shouldering all that you do – the day to day – as well as your own personal past experiences with a smile on your face. Your feelings, your thoughts, your emotions, your mindset are more than worthy of a voice – YOUR voice – however shaky, or crying or whatever – laughter is excellent medicine, but when it’s used as a band aid – it won’t just staunch the wounds. And with time, you will be able to find some semblance of “sanity” – and ease and peace – and yeah, you know, it won’t be easy – you’ll most likely cry alot – tons – and have bouts of anger – and you’ll feel shitty in the moment, or wonder who is this mad woman? But it’s all okay. And if you’re in a safe place, with someone you trust and click with – they will be able to help you – by listening, hearing what you’re saying, allowing you the chance to be open, even if your afraid – and they will also be able to help you process, deal and learn to work through stuff – and it will be okay. It may not be easy – but you know, you can always count on me – send me an email if you need to rant. And KNOW this: just because you have an “other side” – confused, angry, resentful, hurting etc. DOESN’T MEAN that you are unlovable, or not a “good” person – it’s just that all these things are finally saying “hey, listen – we need your time and attention” – so yeah, sweet friend, it’s time – so don’t beat yourself up – and just let yourself be you. However “you” is in the moment – and know that nothing is forever – all of this will pass – and you’ll end up in a better space. And it and you will be different – because it’ll be a closure of sorts – having letting go of what it is that has been so difficult and hard for you. Some times we all need to “share our secrets” because they need to see light in order for us to keep shining.

So be well and safe and sending you tons of hugs my friend – and yes, I’m here for you – anytime.
Hugs Juls

Hey, I’ve missed you, hope you have been well and glad that you found me at that other place.

I will drop you a line over the next few days, to give you a little update, nothing major so don’t be getting excited, you know how boring I am :)

I think I have made the right decision, I know myself when I am not right, and at the minute I am not right, it’;s a combination of being worn out, frazzled, having no personal space and bouncing from the stress of work to the stress of home.

One of the most important things I told them I wanted to learn was the ability to say no and also to stand up for myself, so that when I was in the right I would stand tall and fight my corner instead of backing down. Geez, what if I turn into a targe lol

I’ve missed you too my friend – and no worries about the email – when you can. You, boring? Gimme a break. Hardly.

I bet you have made the right decision – and if others have turned around and said, we see something is really not right and were willing to go to bat for you – and are being supportive – then it’s a clear sign. Like I said, it may not initially be easy – you’ll feel all over the place, but I’m positive you will start to feel a release of pressure – literally – you’ll start to feel lighter – soon. And slowly, you’ll be able to get out what needs clearing, and then with time, you’ll begin to be able to set yourself on a much path – like learning to say “no” and not feel guilty, coerced, cornered etc. It takes time, but I know you’ll be able to find your way – and what is a targe?

If anything, you might seem “bitchy” and people may not know the “new” you – but that’s okay – they’ll adjust, because setting personal limits and boundaries is healthy. And a must. You deal with so much stress all of the time – on just about every front, and you have no release or time for yourself, so yeah, one step at a time, and it will be okay.

Well I tell you I have missed the reading, but that’s my own fault. I’ve had a real tough time getting to the blogosphere at all for at least a year now, and although your post emails are the only ones I set aside to read I never have gotten the chance to get to them. Just know that I think of you, and think most highly, especially when I see your name about Facebook or the XBox. I hope you start feeling better soon!

I get it, time can slip away from us so easily, I’m incredibly behind in reading as well as writing….ffs!
A lot has changed since we were all blogging at the start, I think we’ve all changed too, but we never forget each other, that’s the good thing about blogging. I’ve missed you too and your little Haiku thingy majigs :)

Lovely avatar, miss Merbear. :) If it’s not too much trouble, I would be glad to discuss some of what you two both may be suffering from and share my own experience. [I read your Gravatar profile thingy.] We could be a therapy group.

I’m really liking the sounds of this counseling already! Anything that makes you blog more is a good thing in my book! I’m really happy for you, Juls. If nothing else, just doing this one thing for yourself (counseling) is a HUGE step and I just know it’s going to make a great difference in your world for the better. I’m sending huge hugs across the pond and I’m in for this journey right along with you…..keep on writing!

Sometimes I am happy it is 12 weeks away because I think I have time to prefer, but on other days I wish it was sooner, because I need those coping mechanisms.
I know what time is like though, it passes in the blink of an eye :)
Hope you are keeping well, missed you!

Missed you too, Juls. I’ve been out west for a bit and now wading through a couple thousand photographs. LOL. I’m really glad to hear from you on here though….you are doing a GREAT thing for yourself. I’m so happy for you. :)

Hey Juls, big shout out to you for being courageous enough to be transparent and allow yourself to be vulnerable both infront of a complete stranger (counsellor) as well as with your buds here. It’s all admiration, respect and a sense of privilege I have for what you share so openly. Thank you for trusting us with your vulnerability. In my work as a counsellor that is one of the most precious elements of the journey anyone can give professionals, their vulnerability. It is an indication of their willingness to change as well as their ‘buy in’ to the counselling relationship. My prayer is that your ‘professional stranger’ will have a compassionate heart with the ability to hear your heart. We’re cheering you on with or without the funny. Love and hugs :) Linda

Thank you so much and I hope so, I am worried that they will just see me as a blubbering mess. I have this ability to talk myself out of things, whether I am right or wrong, I talk until in my head everything seems ok when the reality is very different. I need to be able to shut up and listen and respect what they are telling me, so here’s hoping I can :)
Your words mean a lot, thank you <3

If this is your first experience with a therapist, let me tell you this much. Any mention of death is HUUUUUUGE. It sets off all sorts of red flags. If you are at any risk, that opens up plenty of doors to anti-depressant country. Welcome to becoming a lab rat (provided you sign the dotted lines). Having witnessed or been a part of the death of others, those also make an impact with a therapist’s warning system. The most common association with death a therapist faces is people grieving or struggling to grieve. It’s like you went out a fire exit when you mentioned having any connection to murder (and suicide).

As for the crying, yeah, that’s bound to happen even if you rarely see that in movies or TV when a client sees a therapist and just mutters about some relationship difficulty, like a parent or spouse giving them a hard time. It’s no picnic being that vulnerable in front of a stranger. And, I’d recommend you come to terms with it and that side of yourself quick before facing the therapist, again. I don’t think they are very receptive to crying. They may be human, but they don’t seem to get to do what they do without some measure of “professionalism” and detachment. They cannot be your friend, come home to dinner or even email you, I suspect. It’s like prostitution without the sexual favors. :P You can pay for the time you spend with them in their territory, but don’t think you can get too close. Their “job” is to hear you out, diagnose and come up with solutions that fit under their jurisdiction before passing you onto someone else if more action is required.

I have noticed how women online are constipated writers. You try so hard to poop something out to interest those who appear on your phone wires. I went through a phase like that for a year or two before it got old. Knowing this is your personal space, treat it like yourself. Respect it. Don’t abandon it unless you need to relocate (then you take what you can with you and leave the rest). But, don’t pressure yourself to “perform.” There’s no blog Viagra. Even if there was, when I am in the mood, it takes more than four hours to satisfy my needs. :P

What you take from your therapy experience is that having someone to talk to brings relief. But, you will find there is a difference between who we pay to hear us (and who later diagnose us, sometimes erroneously) and who know us intimately (who I think deserve to be trusted more often with the benefit of not costing us money or the time needed to repeat all the things we’ve already lived once).

You felt what you had to share was a waste of time because you have emotionally distanced yourself like a fast fix to a wound. You slapped on a band-aid and moved on to survive. Yet, somehow, we retain the emotional impact, put it on a shelf to be experienced or released later when we finally find someone who pick-axes through our walls. Or, when your walls are so thin that just the silence of a therapist’s office can crack you. Because you’ve been such a responsible person for “the mothership,” you haven’t attended your own emotions and emotional needs. You don’t need to spend 100+ bucks or pounds every month to see that,

Not only may you lack confidence (which I want to warn you about in a minute), but you seem lacking in friends. I feel, with friends, we should feel good enough about ourselves to take some chances and build that confidence. But, if we don’t have a good foundation of people to talk with, all we have are our minds which can run in circles with double-talk and doubt.

Now then, confidence. Be careful when confronting confidence with a professional stranger. Because, in your weak state, it is very easy to convince you to take something to improve your mindset. It’s also easy for some professional to impose what they think is a better mindset to adopt (just as I am telling you what to do from my own experience). It’s the freedom of the drug pusher to take advantage of the weak. This may never be the case with you, but if during the discussion of confidence anti-depressants are ever suggested (or any other kind of medicine that isn’t meditation or physical exercise, stand up and walk out of that office ASAP. Do NOT get roped into taking drugs you don’t really need.

Oh, and since you felt the liberty to fill a stranger in on your personal writing space, I would highly recommend if you have not already AVOID GIVING HER THE LOCATION AND/OR NAME OF YOUR BLOG. The last thing you need is a stranger reading your “diary.” This is YOUR personal space just as she is required to enact a measure of client/doctor confidentiality (however that actually reaches). Even if you were at risk of harming yourself and hiding something here, she has no need to see everything in your panty drawer. You are not on trial.

Plenty say writing things out is good self therapy, so it’s no surprise if a professional approves it. It’s different if she was your boss and telling you how to spend your time better. :P

If the time ever comes when you must leave “us” all behind, I trust you will have moved on as you needed to do. You will be in a better place that does not require electricity or eyes not impaired by technology usage. You will be free-er.

Now, that I’ve written a novel here….

Take two days to process what I wrote and call me in the morning. :) Doctor’s orders.

Bollox I had a whole reply typed out and then the page shut and I lost it all, ffs!

I had to laugh at your line that “I have noticed how women online are constipated writers”, it’s not something that is specifically related to the female species you know, I know plenty of men on here who are also struggling. Besides I don’t just ‘poop’ things out, which is evidenced by the fact that the number of posts I write is dwindling each year.
The reason I find it hard to write is because while I might think of thinsg to say say all day, by the time I have got home after 11 hours and then have to deal with a 73 year old in the middle of a tantrum that a 2 year old could only dream about, or constantly crying if the mood has swung that way, well it kinda leaves you emotionally drained and incapable of stringing a legible sentence together. If you don’t believe me try it sometime, although I hope for your sake it is not something you ever have to experience.

I’m not in a weak state, I’m just at a point where I need to address my issues, specifically with myself and how I deal with things. I’ve been down the depression road before and did not take anti-depressants, I’m not saying I never will, but at this stage I want to see if I can help myself first because I feel that if I were to retrain myself to deal with things better it would make a difference.

What’s the difference with the therapist reading my blog as opposed to any other stranger who does, you’re a stranger and you read it and feel the need to comment on my life….I’ll tell him or her everything anyway and I am more likely to be truthful here than anywhere else. When people in real life ask me my stock answer is I’m ok, here I usually write about how I feel although not to the same degree I feel I could as family members and actual friends read it.

I don’t feel what I had to share is a waste of time, I did not want to waste their time, I am a carer for someone with Dementia, who can be aggressive, yes that can be difficult and someone who has never experienced it could not understand, but there are people dying out there, people who are traumatised by PTSD, people who have Bi-Polar, Depression, so I feel those people are more deserving, because while being a carer effects my daily life I can still smile sometimes, where as for those other people life can be a struggle. That said I know this is something I need to do before I get to that stage.

It’s all good and I am right where I need to be, life is not perfect, it’s not the life I wanted, but it is the life I have so I need to make the most of it, I’ll be fine so you don’t need to worry.

I don’t want to have to answer a book every time I open up, nor do I need analyzed, leave that to my counsellor, they are getting paid for it :)

Besides you wanted me to wait two days because you had cramp in your hand from all that furious typing! :P

Lesson learned: When you want to send the very best, use FTD…er, email.

Direct me to a man who expresses frustration with saying less than he’d like. I have been there, but I cannot say I’ve ever posted frustration with not saying enough. I tend to just keep that to myself. “I have to say something. I have nothing to say. But, I wish I did.” ….zzzzz

No. It’s most often if not always women raising their lined hands to the sky and bemoaning, “Why, writing gods, do you deny me the words I seek to express what I am feeling right now and every minute of the day?”

Oh, I fear that troubling experience is not far away.

But, regardless what denies you the time or ability to write regularly, it still leaves you plugged up when you face the keys. It doesn’t matter if you had too many hamburgers or a giant steak, if you’re constipated, you’re constipated.

I did think a therapist might find more openness in a blog than to confront a person directly. But, after my own bouts with securing personal space and expanding my comfort zone, I think it wise to keep some things separated. We’re not hiding an affair from a spouse. We’re not concealing a murder weapon. We’re just securing a little thinking space for ourselves to be in touch with our soul and our soul alone; no one else needs to be inside that part of our brain. Otherwise, it’s like your therapist going into your knicker drawer. Want the rose panties or the daisy ones?

I recently lost a grandparent who spent roughly 10 years unable to complete more than a sentence without shaking her head and forgetting what she was saying. She fell often, occasionally laying on her side for hours if someone wasn’t there with her, and could not move around much without assistance.

Understood, but, rule number one about healing ourselves/seeing a therapist, do not start by comparing yourself to other people who may or may need more than you. You go in, not thinking selfishly (only of yourself) but of your needs, of why you came (not why others come).

I’m not as worried as I am feeling a need to look out for someone I kinda know (to an online degree) when she mentions something of which I DO have experience, and, sadly, not a positive one.

Hey! Pardon me for saying more than a Tweet and being more original than some customary sympathy note. “Sorry for your loss.” “Good for you. I hope this is the step you need.” “You’ll do great.” Let’s all get out our rubber stamps for that.

Well, I was offering my services for free, thank you very much.

No, that last bit was a doctor’s prescription from my butt. It just came to mind as I tried to wrap things up.

Oh, and in regards to what I just said about a stranger reading your diary…

Well, I suppose all of us “readers” are strangers in some regard. But, the difference is we aren’t going to or able to write a note and pass it to some other “authority” who could make a decision and have you placed in the care of other “professionals” who drive white vans and like to do strip searches while watching you take cold showers and sleep at night. We don’t have a book of types to place you in, and most if not all of us have no drugs to impose upon you.

OoH! I have a suggestion. I don’t suppose you’ve seen my emotional weather report page. [I don’t think more than 5 people have ever chanced a glance at it since I chanced putting it up.] But, maybe a good self-therapy step would be something simple like that. It’s kind of like “tweeting” or some incessant Fbook updating. But, it’s a small way I reveal my state of mind to anyone who cares to know without pushing myself to write up something long and logical or “worth reading.” It’s like a “weather app” for myself, just to assess how I am feeling and get some of it out.