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Dating in Islam

Are you planning to have dinner with your boyfriend tonight? If your parents know about your plan, they will be believing that you are just going for a dine out that will accompany a simple chit chat. However, for you it is not just dinner! It is a date, where both of you will have a nice candle night dinner, will go for a small walk holding hands and might enjoy some romantic moments. Let me admonish you, if you are planning to do all these things, you are not abiding with the teachings of Islam. Islam does not permits you to date with any boy or girl you like. It is considered as forbidden in Islam

“Dating” as it is currently exercised in much of the world shall not subsist among Muslims — where a man and a woman (or boy/girl) are in a one-on-one intimate relationship, spending time together alone, getting to know each other in a very thorough way.

Thus on a wider scale, Islam does not prohibit women and men from talking to one another, but asks that they practice modesty and remain within the limits that Sharia has assembled.

This culture of dating has gone global; it’s not only a part of the West. Today, religion for some is taken as a very casual concept. The beautiful religion Islam is an integral way of life and teaches us about every stage in it. This includes teachings on the interaction between a male and a female, the ‘halal’ way, which means something that is sanctioned as religiously proper for a Muslim. In today’s contemporary Western societies, it is unrealistic to try to avoid any and all interaction with members of the opposite sex. The issue between both sexes is a very controversial and sensitive issue; however, nobody seems to be taking it gravely.

Firstly, we should understand that Islam does recognize the notion of desires in both genders. Also, we are allowed to like someone but not to discover or begin a relationship with them through dating. One of the great scholars of Islam, Ibn Taymiyyah (R.A.) discussed two primary hurdles that block the path of people who are looking for the truth. This means some people do not know that the Islamic rules are the truth. If they did, they would surely follow them. For others, even if they are sure of a truth, it is difficult for them to pursue because they have an adversity giving up their desires. The major stem when it comes to dating is quelling desires.

Free mixing between members of the opposite sex is only allowed with permanently or blood-related Muslims, known as ‘mahrams,’ i.e. people of the opposite sex who have reached puberty that a Muslim is not allowed to marry. Mahrams to women are the father, grandfather, great-grandfather, son, brother, grandson, great-grandson, father-in-law, son-in-law, uncle, stepson, stepfather, and rada, people who have become mahrams because of being nursed by the same mother. This also applies for mahrams to men, who would include their aunt, grandmother, sister and so on. If a Muslim is a non-mahram, not a relative within the prohibited degrees in seclusion, all the rules established by Sharia about separation of both sexes apply. All these rules apply when dealing with both Muslims and non-Muslims of the opposite sex.

One of the main objectives in evading relationships between members of the opposite sex is to avoid fornication. Islam forbids all sexual relationships outside marriage. Allah says “Do not come near fornication, for it is indeed lewdness and an evil life-style” (17- 32). Both men and women are ordered not to enter houses without permission. As the Quran says “Enter not houses other than your own until ye have asked permission and salute those in them” (Surah Al-Noor). This instigates Muslims to venerate each other and to protect the society from sin.

By following the outline and conduct of Islam, men and women can achieve affirmative relationships that embody respect and understanding. Muslims must develop a collective interpretation of the bounds and rules, which apply to both men and women. The proper contact and cooperation between opposite sexes is nothing if not a test of faith.

Hence, grab your phone, dial your boyfriend’s number and cancel out your date. If he asks for a reason, tell him you have suddenly realized that you are a modest servant of your God, and you cannot afford to loose your modesty so easily.