The Awesome Reason Alcatraz Was The Only Prison To Have Hot Showers

Alcatraz is one of those places that you just know sucked the fat one, it was a prison and not just any prison, it was the single most famous and suck-ass prison in the entire freaking world. Of course it was awful. However, Alcatraz did have one, single, redeeming feature going for it. It was the only prison in the whole of America during the time it was operational to allow its prisoners to have hot showers. However, the reason why is so ingenious and diabolical we’ll bet the guy who thought of it was immediately arrested too.

Forced sodomy is much easier to endure if the guy has warm hands.

The reasoning behind giving hardened criminals a luxury they in no way deserved was less to do with treating the good prisoners and more to do with punishing the stupid ones. You see, it was reasoned that once a criminal got used to his body being bathed in lukewarm water and the cruel, judging stares of three rapists and a guy who filed his taxes wrong, he’d be unable to survive the freezing waters surrounding Alcatraz if he ever tried to escape. We’d say it was a good idea, but we all know how well it turned out. Then again, it’s still pretty clever. Don’t you think?