A Love Untold

It was school break that time. I was very sick. Got rushed to the hospital. My mom was so worried because I looked so paled and I was like dying in pain. Thank God for his grace and mercy. He never fail to be there whenever I needed Him…Later on I was up and about…

On that same day, I remember it was a bridal party of one of my friend, I told myself that I should not miss this important event because I promised her my presence in her once in a lifetime bridal party. Since I committed I forced myself to go. I thought I was then okay.

One of my friend (male friend) offered himself to go with me so we went together. He is my friend for already more than 10 years, we became friends since grade school, he is handsome and so many girls had crush on him and I cannot deny that I am one of them and I was a bit jealous about it so I told myself I will just ignore my feeling and shift my attention to other guys. Those were the days during school days but we’re still friends (in a circle of friends)

Then he arrived home, I could still remember how he teased me to wrap my hands around his waist because he brought with him his motorbike instead of his four wheels. A man does know how to flirt, yes I agree! I didn’t have a choice but to follow because he said; if I hold him on the shoulders we might get an accident. He knows as well how to scare me; duh… while on the way we were both silent until we reached to the venue.

Everyone was enjoying and I was just in a dark place sitting and watching over while him did go around meeting some other friends. It was an open area so it was very cold. Even though I clothed myself appropriate to the weather still I was like freezing… After meeting some of our friends, he came back to me and asked me to dance. Funny how, I’m not dancing to the rhythm of sweet music, wherein the guy will hold my waist then dance in front of many people, I’m not really into it, sorry! … In short I refused! He is my friend so no big deal about it.

It’s getting really cold and I’m still recovering that time so I asked him if we can go home and he agreed with me. Just a few meters away before we reach home he suddenly stopped the motorbike. He asked me if we can talk for a while. I was wondering what we will talk about so I just said, Ok. We were sitting literally on a big stone under a tree. The moon was so bright and friendly to us that we can still see each other. It’s getting romantic! Meow… I was quite nervous! I was numbed! I don’t exactly know my feeling during that time. Then he started talking, telling me to look at the sky how beautiful it is… then yes, I also looked at the sky, I want to burst out into laughing but I hold it! I told myself, is this a movie? But yeah I was able to switch my emotion when he really became serious. He was confessing a lot, about his past relationships and a little pitching about his feelings for me… of course I got kilig! When we were in high school, there were times that he passed by and stopped in front of our house. He was looking for me and when I knew he was there, I refused to see him. I’m not really naïve when it comes to those actions of a guy, I was just really focused on what I really want and I don’t want something to bother me… My mom would then call me and said he is there waiting but I will not answer. I really don’t care that much..We were talking seriously, when we heard someone walking towards us. We suddenly moved and escaped away from that place before somebody reaches us.

We were heading to the town proper, when we realized that we were already very far away from my house. I even forgot that I wasn’t well. We were talking and laughing realizing what we just did. I strongly admit we were just normal teenagers. The awkward feeling of wrapping him with my arms was not there anymore. I was just then enjoying the moment with him. We reached the town and we noticed one burger stand still open. We ate burger and then we went to another town to get his motorbike fueled. I enjoyed the ride with him.

He and I already textmate for a long time until now I didn’t know how he got my number. He is disguising, the way he texted me I knew it was him and I wasn’t wrong. He was my classmate and seatmate so I know him very well. After all the unplanned ride finally we were going home and I felt sad about the idea that the night is over for us. I entered to the house. He was living only 15 minutes walk away from us. I thought the night was over with us but yes we continue talking through text messaging. And things ran just like that… then he suddenly called me, I went weeping while I was on the phone with him and he also cried. The need of having him around me made me sad because we can’t. I promised myself not to be committed with anyone until I finish my study. And I did through God’s grace. He also at the time has his own reason. We’ve decided to be just best friend.

The following day, it was early morning when he dropped by to our house. The people there in the balcony didn’t recognize him yet. They were asking, who was that fellow on his car early morning; then when he came out and saw him from the window secretly, I was astonished, he was so handsome, who will not fall in love with this guy? he dropped by to give me a CD composed of beautiful songs and a letter that he rushed doing because I told him we will be heading to mom’s hometown that day. I was hurt! And he was hurt! But you know sometimes, you want something but you can’t have it at the time. We kinda taste of that, for me, every time but I know God will grant ‘em at the proper time as He said in Ecclesiastes that there is a season of everything. Moving on was not that easy but the Lord gave me the strength to make it through. Suppressing your feelings was really hard but I got lots in my hand. Thinking only of me during that time is selfishness.

After years, we had few meetings. I don’t know but every time, we kinda understand each other but we can’t give ourselves a chance. He never said I love you but in his action you can always feel the longing. Having said that, his actions speak what the mouth can’t tell.

When he got married he told me about it and I only wished him the best. I don’t have the right to get hurt, hello to me!!! But I did. “There was never an “us”.” In between of those meet ups it’s either him or I is in a relationship…. I went back to my home land last 2014 and since we’re friends in social media he knew I was home. He caught my attention thru FB asking for my number without hesitation I gave to him. He called me up and he was like “ewan”… Hahaha… we’re friends after all… he put down the phone but he texted me afterwards until here we go again conversation until I blurted it out what he was longing to hear from me. Oh c’mon if that was his reason to leave me behind then I won’t buy it. He never said the magic word so why should I tell him anyway. PRIDE! Those words just ran in my thoughts. But when I blurted out what he wants to hear, he said finally you’re admitting it. I admitted that I loved him and he said he did the same. He is married so what’s the point of this unnecessary conversation? His only point was to let me rage at him and its ok with him. But I don’t get it. Maybe he was thinking he hurt me so bad. Yes, he did but so what? I moved on from the pain, sleepless nights… If you are guilty of what you did then don’t try to provoke the other to retaliate. I thank God always for his guidance to understand him. Despising him never occur even in my mind. Thank God we ended the conversation that we’re ok. After all we are friends. But there are just some things that only the both of us know and understand. We sometimes walk barefooted hoping that the road will be friendly to us.

It’s cliché but yes, everything happens for a reason. Everything that is happening comes with a lesson. There are things/people intended for us, so be patient. Just love, for that is required from us even before we knew what will happen. Pain is inevitable. Everyone go through it. Accept what is reality and move on. Moving on somehow is not easy; it depends on a person’s ability to cope up. However, everything is possible through Jesus who allowed pain to test our vulnerability. We may be broken but that’s just for a while. Nothing is permanent; so be ready somehow. The wind is always changing its direction. Be flexible if you must. Be strong because the world is always ready to throw you the hardest ones. Keep your faith in Jesus. Just keep spreading the love for that is how it should be…

“Love is never wasted for its value does not rest on reciprocity.” – C.S. Lewis

—- This is a true to life story of one of a friend of mine 🙂 The story is quite sad because it’s too late when they admitted to each other about their feelings. I guess one thing we learned is that never hold back to say what you really feel for someone whether it will be reciprocated or not at least you will never regret anything in your life because it’s too late.—-

a very sad but story, written in a wonderful way. Feelings of love are strange and often complicated. You always should tell the person you love, that you do so. So you can be sure and calm about, that he/she knows it and you never have to fight with the “ifs”.

Yes you have to tell to have a lighter heart. But if you already know that it is too late you should overthink twice, maybe for the other person it is not too late and you destroy a lot in his/her life.

i can relate… but yeah as C.S Lewis quoted… Love is never at all wasted… This is what really we are called for to “love”. Rest assured, the people involved in the story are both happy now in their separate lives. 🙂