He said I was being judgmental.

“Judge nothing, you will be happy. Forgive everything, you will be happier. Love everything, you will be happiest.” Sri Chinmoy

Last night a friend called and asked why I hadn’t written in a while. I spewed a million reasons and then he said, “They all sound like you judging yourself rather than letting us decide if we want to read your stupid shit.”

Out of the mouths of friends! 🙂

After we got off the phone, I realized that I was doing to myself what we seem to be immersed in — in our backyard and in our world — judging. All we do is judge – people, feelings and situations – based on color, money, political preference, status, gender, etc. It’s killing us – literally.

Think about the times you’ve been disrespectful or judged someone. We all have. Saying something that might hurt another’s feelings. Been rude to the person on the phone, just trying to help you solve a problem. You know what I’m talking about. I can hear myself doing it (my kids can hear it too) but I don’t always stop.

Why are we judging? Because our attention is focused on the person we’re judging or treating badly. What we need to do at that moment is turn our attention to ourselves and when you do – watch … you negative thoughts fade. Why? Because it’s easier to judge another than look at our own s***.

Judging comes from fear, jealousy, lack of understanding, impatience … and yes, the biggest reason of all … our egos. For me, once I start judging all the goodness leaves my mind and all I’m left with is “Isn’t she awful. Isn’t that bad, wrong ….” There is no joy or happiness there. Ego lives on resisting acceptance of ourselves and others.

I can’t change the world (I can barely manage my own!). I can’t stop the anger of the “lives matter” movements. I can’t change innocent people dying around the world. But I can practice acceptance of other stories. I can learn to accept differences unconditionally. I can learn to keep my ego in check and be open to life outside my little world.

If we truly don’t want to be judged and we want to be accepted and loved unconditionally, then we must stop judging others. We must stop saying one life is more important than another. We must try to understand other stories and opinions. We must accept that there are differences. Sometimes we must reduce and eliminate those differences. Sometimes we must let others think as they want – even if it’s different. We can’t all be the same.

Judging does nothing positive. Why? Because we all know intuitively that what we put out there (anger, disdain, ego) is what we’ll get back.