Youth invited for MUN begins his speech with “Itna bhand tha main kal”

When Sobar Solong received an invitation to speak at a Model United Nations conference recently, he was overjoyed. Instantly, he knew what his magical first words were going to be. “Itna bhand tha main kal“, which loosely translates to “I was so wasted yesterday”, had been his opener in all his conversations since Class Xth through to XIIth, then graduation, then post-graduation and ultimately, for the first two years of his job.

“It gave me real friends”

“Why would I ditch my most popular line on my most memorable day?” Sobar argues, recalling that the line had fetched him 750 friends on Facebook, and 200 friends in real life. He explains, “There is a way to do it, not everyone can pull it off. First, you make your eyes really wide and raise your eyebrows to the maximum. But, you also have to give out a smug smile while you are doing it. Remember, you’re not shocked, you’re elated. And then, when everybody’s waiting for what you have to say, you drop the bomb, ‘Bhai, kal itna bhand tha main‘. Cheers, applause and reciprocating messages like, ‘Sahi me?‘ are bound to follow your declaration.”

Critics: Solong should be able to come up with better starters

Sobar Solong with his muse

Solong, who is considered by some to be the smartest person in the country below 27, refutes suggestions that he should think of better conversation starters. “Don’t you think I’ve tried? Stuff like, the weather seems nice today, doesn’t it? Or, how you doing? None of that works, neither with the guys nor with the ladies. They want to hear how wasted I was yesterday for some mysterious reason and so, what can I do but give it to them? It’s all about demand and supply.”

The big day arrives, Solong takes up the mike

Finally when the day for his MUN speech arrived, Sobar Solong wasn’t nervous. He had done this a hundred times and thus, with a profound swagger about him, he took to the mike and spoke his five magic words, “Itna bhand tha main kal“. But, but, something unexpected happened. Something he had never seen before. The audience did not applaud, did not cheer, did not even register his words, they only shook their heads in shame. Solong was stunned. What had happened? Had he said it wrong? Was there a planetary disturbance somewhere that had caused this anomaly?

It has now been five days since his speech, Solong is still recuperating from the trauma in a hospital. His friends have tried to cheer his mood by bringing him beer bottles but he hasn’t shown an improvement. His brother Hai Solong has suggested to the doctors that a little bit of weed might just be able to do the trick.

In the meantime however, Solong has managed to woo 99.8% of the country’s youth with his public declaration and is being celebrated as the role-model in every nook and street, not to mention offices and homes across India.

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