Am I having an affair right now, or
have I recently ended one?
If so, it has likely given me a renewed
feeling of being loveable, and attractive, and wanted.
Those feelings seem so good, that it is difficult at
times to reconcile them with other uneasy feelings that
keep nagging at me inside.
But it may well do me a lot of good to
listen to those nagging feelings too. If I do, I might
begin to see that there is a hidden price that will
continue to increase day by day, if I don't pay attention
to it now.
One of the biggest is that now I have a
secret which I likely have to hide from my partner.
Keeping the secret begins to hurt me in ways I probably
never realized. I find it more difficult to be close and
intimate with my SO. There are certain subjects now that
are too dangerous to talk about. When a talk show is on
about infidelity, I have to consciously keep my face
still, so that I don't betray myself with my facial
expressions.
In time, what I usually discover, is
that the affair is creating another stone wall between me
and my SO. My struggles to help improve the relationship
have gotten permanently harder as a result.

Just
for Today
Today, if I'm involved in an affair,
I'll take a careful look at the hidden price tag I'm
creating for myself. An affair hurts me, as much as it
does my partner. I'll search out insight of others, and
find better ways of dealing with the lack of love and
closeness I feel.
Sin has many tools, but a lie is the handle which fits
them all. - Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.