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are you serious?
... the same way someone born in 1979 won't be able to relate to someone born in my age. i actually remember how life was growing up in the 90s. ...

I couldn't disagree more. I'm 22 and my partner is 51 and we've been together for 4 years. We find tons of things to talk about and relate to in each other. One thing that I love is that we kinda teach each other. I'm always learning new stuff and so is he by our being different. I think guys my own age are fun to play with but really kinda boring.

i went to my brother asking him to see the new download content in tekken tag 2 in my room. he agreed. i was going to get him to play the game with me and then come out to him while i was playing. he was there for like 10 minutes and then went over to his room. i decided to go over to his room where he was watching that show that charlie sheen was fired from, two and a half men. so he's on his bed watching the tv and on his laptop at the same time. i told him that i had to tell him something real quick. he was like cool. i shut his door and then told him that i told mom and dad already, i'm gay. he was shocked like "really". he thought i was playing a practical joke on him. i was like "it never occurred to you that i was gay" and he was like "nope". i was like how about when i was a kid acting all effeminate and stuff, he was like "i didn't see it". then he said that "it makes sense because all the times they would get me to talk to chicks and stuff. i never would do it or i wouldn't say shit to them". he took it much better than my father and my mother. he said that he'll support me.

i'm thinking about coming out to my friend tomorrow. he'll be an interesting case.

So after spending 4 days in South Carolina, I almost feel sympathy for people that live in the South. SC is one of those states where it is cheaper to go out and drink than to buy at a liquor store. It cost $20 for a fifth of vodka which is just absurd. I get a handle for that price up in MA. Course a pack of cigs down in "flavor country" is half of what it costs in MA.

thanks, man. why are you crying for? this is a happy moment. the good news is that the coming out party will be kicking off soon before the new years. i wasn't expecting to be out this soon. more like when i was 27 or 28.

one thing about the closet/you don't have to hurry/it will be bad tomorrow/so brother, don't you worry

well, my father and my brother are taking me being gay very nicely. my mom on the other hand is already mad at me for not doing my thing as in being responsible and getting myself up out of here. well, she's apparently more angry with me over being gay. we were having a talk today and she was saying how "it's a lifestyle, it's a choice," and started talking about the bible where she said jesus was about to get raped in some town by some gay people. then she told me how i was being dramatic and why i had to tell her at this time where she's back in school, completely stressed out and shit. i guess she feels that i'm a disappointment that i didn't come to be exactly what she wanted to be. from what she told me on monday, as a baby, i guess i caused her much disappointment when i wasn't normal like how other babies were. when she was told by the psychologists and doctors that i may have been "slow" as in "retarded" since i wasn't talking and walking like how other kids were normally, she was hurt. as time went on, i proved to be a pain in the ass to her where i was pretty much living up to what she thought was the expectations of how people thought i would turn out to be.

then i said something to her about "i'm gay, get over it" or something she got offended by and she said "i'm not afraid to disown you or not love you anymore. don't get me mad." i was thinking to myself like "really?" i can fully understand why she's upset that i'm underachieving and not going out and doing my thing and how she says it should naturally occur to me and all. HOWEVER, i'm really getting annoyed how she isn't even trying to understand me or at least be supportive towards me whenever i go through my issues or whatever. it actually upsets me. one minute she's leaning on me crying about how her life is, how my father is abusive towards her, how she can't lose weight, how she's tired and doesn't know how to help herself and then when i come to her on the same sh!t, it's "i'm not your friend, i'm your mother". man..... i love my mother but i just wish she could at least understand where my head is at sometimes. she doesn't get it. i pretty much am rooting for her to get out of the shit she's in BUT she doesn't seem all that interested in helping herself. it's as if she wants someone to save her and then she's blaming everyone for why she's doesn't want to do shit.

but what can i say? i know what i have to do, what i WILL do and you know what even though saying this shit kind of makes me somewhat teary eyed thinking about how i feel like my mom views me a failure to a degree and she was like the only person that believed in me when a lot of people didn't, i don't care because i believe in myself. i no longer feel like running away from life where i want to go to a mental hospital or throw myself in front of a train because i feel as if there is no hope for me. that small ounce of hope that i had is now even bigger. i believe in myself. i could die alone for all i care. i love me and nobody can't break me down. NOBODY. not even myself. i'm standing tall and if you don't like me, then too bad. not saying that i'm a perfect person but it is what it is.

just had to rant trill quick.

one thing about the closet/you don't have to hurry/it will be bad tomorrow/so brother, don't you worry

thanks, man. why are you crying for? this is a happy moment. the good news is that the coming out party will be kicking off soon before the new years. i wasn't expecting to be out this soon. more like when i was 27 or 28.

Happy tears are one of the most exquisite of all emotions. I am more likely to cry if I am off-the-charts happy about something, or I see or witness or am part of something unspeakably beautiful, than in sadness. Hunt's tears come from a good place, trust me on that, and I was nearly doing the same thing.

you're progressing, RU, and may the progress build on itself and become a juggernaut that is unstoppable in your quest to be yourself entirely. I also hope that your parents will have discussions about this, and that your Dad is able to convince your Mom that you're still the same son they've always had, and that there's no going back or changing things. She would do well to learn the "...and the wisdom to know the difference" part of the AA Serenity Prayer, which is something that applies to all of humanity.

BOSS: I'm sorry, but I'll have to lay you and Jack off.
SUE: Can you just jack off? I feel like shit today.

"I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do, because I notice it always coincides with their own desires" - Susan B. Anthony

If Mary gave birth to Jesus, and Jesus is the Lamb of God, did Mary have a little lamb?

Happy tears are one of the most exquisite of all emotions. I am more likely to cry if I am off-the-charts happy about something, or I see or witness or am part of something unspeakably beautiful, than in sadness. Hunt's tears come from a good place, trust me on that, and I was nearly doing the same thing.

you're progressing, RU, and may the progress build on itself and become a juggernaut that is unstoppable in your quest to be yourself entirely. I also hope that your parents will have discussions about this, and that your Dad is able to convince your Mom that you're still the same son they've always had, and that there's no going back or changing things. She would do well to learn the "...and the wisdom to know the difference" part of the AA Serenity Prayer, which is something that applies to all of humanity.

that's probably not going to happen with my father talking to my mom about it. my parents are at odds with each other as in my father is very unstable and will toss a dart to hurt my mom's if it means to control her. my mom on the other hand is basically caught up trying to live a life that she thinks is comfortable but isn't to her at all.

i think that she has to be happy with myself first because she's not happy. she has issues that only she can help herself with. i think that she thinks that her issues will go away if someone comes up and cleans her mess or comes around and saves her. that's not going to happen.

one thing about her that i do argue with is that i need to stop being dependent on her, get me a job, be on out of this house and go out on my own. she's right about that. i think she feels that i'm telling her that i'm gay at the wrong time where she's stressed out over 100 things like her job, me being dependent on her and staying at home, my father, the bills, her being at school and etc. she feels i'm using it as an excuse. it may seem like that but it's not the case. even if i did have a job, moved out on my own and etc, she said that she might still be upset about me being gay but she'll deal with it. she's more upset with me not doing what i'm supposed to do on the responsibility front.

one thing about the closet/you don't have to hurry/it will be bad tomorrow/so brother, don't you worry

RFG in the past weeks you have been ranted a lot about your being closeted and dealing with homosexuality and coming-out...
To our surprise (to mine anyway) you did something about it much faster than I expected (given you seemed to still be struggling with admitting being gay to yourself), that was really impressive and telling about your character.
The other thing you complain about a lot is your financial dependency and constant arguments with your mother about it, my question is, now that you're out, will you concentrate on solving this issue and what will you do about it?

RFG in the past weeks you have been ranted a lot about your being closeted and dealing with homosexuality and coming-out...
To our surprise (to mine anyway) you did something about it much faster than I expected (given you seemed to still be struggling with admitting being gay to yourself), that was really impressive and telling about your character.
The other thing you complain about a lot is your financial dependency and constant arguments with your mother about it, my question is, now that you're out, will you concentrate on solving this issue and what will you do about it?

thanks. well, the only solution i see right now would be simply to get any job BUT i'm actually scared to because i might find myself in the same position that i was in my last job with. a job is a job and it pays your bills but at this point in my life, i'm looking towards something to do with my degree or something that will help me break into my field. so even if i were to find a job, i don't think i would stay there for long as i did with my last job.

Originally Posted by RazorzEdge88

As much as I'm kind of tired of his constant venting, it might not be refuji's fault if he can't find a job. The economy is just that bad.

well, it is my fault. i accept full responsibility for where i'm at now. it's not the economy's fault. i've been searching for jobs or whatever BUT i blame myself for not doing any internships or taking advantage of job opportunities while i was in college a year ago. i was in school for 7 years (2004-2011) and yeah, i was going through the same episode between 2003-2005 with my mother on getting a job. it was extremely annoying where i just applied to anything to have her shut up. i wasn't interested in working, just staying home or whatever. i do agree that i should have been working. my mind wasn't in the right place and i blame myself for that.

in this case, i don't even know. i would say that i fucked up my job opportunities from joining the police department where i flunked the tests that i didn't study hard enough for that i could have passed. i would also say that i should have been on my j-o-b with persuing law school way before i even graduated with my associates. my mom and other people always warned me that i should figure out what i wanted to do after i graduated and like an idiot, i was just talking, procrastinating and going like "law school" without really doing my research. well, it's coming back to bite me in the ass. well, when you don't learn from your mistakes, don't think and let fear get into your ass, you find yourself like me.

i know that i'm going to have to do the work, have to study my ass off for the LSAT, have to literally go the distance for it but hey... you know what... it is what it is. regardless of the matter, i'm confident that i'll make it, be out on my own, doing something. i have confidence that i will be successful, go to law school or whatever. i'll be okay. even if it takes me til i'm 40 or i die trying, i'm going to succeed. i'll be looking back at my situation like "remember when i was on jub or on my blog crying about how my life sucks, how i wanted to kill myself, how i was scared to come out the closet, how i thought that i would be broke, naked and homeless on the street with 2 college degrees in criminal justice thinking that i really was going to be the failure i thought i was. well, i'm rich and i'm living my life now." like what huntneo said, this is just a moment in time. things will get better. they have to.

yeah, i complain, vent a lot in here and shit instead of being proactive. i agree, it's annoying. i know i type long ass essays as well. it's funny how people act like i don't know what they're thinking or whatever but to be honest with you, i really don't care enough to change it because i like typing long essays and venting and complaining. that's what i like to do, i guess, otherwise i would have stopped doing it a long time ago. anyways, i pretty much have to be proactive and get off my ass and start making moves because it's really hurting my ass. to be honest with you, i'm not upset that i'm in this problem. when i put in the work, stay persistent, get up when i fail and keep going for mine, i pretty much will be good even if i fail or die trying.

i apologize for the long essay or whatever but that's just how i do.

one thing about the closet/you don't have to hurry/it will be bad tomorrow/so brother, don't you worry

As much as I'm kind of tired of his constant venting, it might not be refuji's fault if he can't find a job. The economy is just that bad.

Oh I didn't mean it that way at all... was genuinely just asking out of curiosity...

Originally Posted by refujiunderground

thanks. well, the only solution i see right now would be simply to get any job BUT i'm actually scared to because i might find myself in the same position that i was in my last job with. a job is a job and it pays your bills but at this point in my life, i'm looking towards something to do with my degree or something that will help me break into my field. so even if i were to find a job, i don't think i would stay there for long as i did with my last job.

I was in a similar situation a few years ago, well I wasn't living with my parents anymore, but I needed the money and couldn't decide what sort of career I wanted to get in, so during my uni time I did all sort of jobs like sell employee in at caterer shop, I didn't like it but I knew I was there only until I found something better, then I moved on to another job (basically reading newspapers and magazines) which was kind of boring, and then through a friend I was offered a better opportunity (not wage-wise though, but something I actually liked doing)... I think if your primarily goal is to gain some independence to be able to move out, maybe you shouldn't be too regarding and tell yourself that even if you don't like your job (at least as long as it doesn't drive you completely alienated and depressive) it will still be a start and better opportunities will show up eventually...

You just held up a mirror to my worthless life since I graduated high school.

I really hope I don't end up like that. *praytojeebus*

you're a funny guy.

so what if you do end up like me? as long as you're still alive, you still have another day to turn your misfortune around. it's not the end of the world. yeah, i may have a hard time struggling to find a job BUT sheit, the future is promising though. you never know what's going to happen. i look at it like how my mom was told by the doctors and psychologists after assessing me at 2 years old telling her that i might be mentally retarded where there was no way i would be able to live a normal life. well, fuck those doctors and the shrink, i'm living a normal life like everybody else is. bet they thought that i would be in the special home or somewhere. the jokes on them. they can kiss my ass.

one thing about the closet/you don't have to hurry/it will be bad tomorrow/so brother, don't you worry

Oh I didn't mean it that way at all... was genuinely just asking out of curiosity...

I was in a similar situation a few years ago, well I wasn't living with my parents anymore, but I needed the money and couldn't decide what sort of career I wanted to get in, so during my uni time I did all sort of jobs like sell employee in at caterer shop, I didn't like it but I knew I was there only until I found something better, then I moved on to another job (basically reading newspapers and magazines) which was kind of boring, and then through a friend I was offered a better opportunity (not wage-wise though, but something I actually liked doing)... I think if your primarily goal is to gain some independence to be able to move out, maybe you shouldn't be too regarding and tell yourself that even if you don't like your job (at least as long as it doesn't drive you completely alienated and depressive) it will still be a start and better opportunities will show up eventually...

you're right. i gotta start somewhere even if it's something that i don't want to do again. godforbid it's fast food again or another customer service job though.

- - - Updated - - -

Originally Posted by RazorzEdge88

If I don't get an internship and then a job in my field in the next two years, I'll be sucking dick off the freeway for a living.

we both know that you'll be good. you probably interning right now.

one thing about the closet/you don't have to hurry/it will be bad tomorrow/so brother, don't you worry

Nope, I have at least another year before it's practical for me to get into that.

I'll probably be alright, I'm just worried what will happen if I can't parlay my internship into a real job. Looking at planning and GIS jobs, they all want like 3 years experience. That's the problem with jobs today. If you're entry-level, you're fucked. What's perverse is that you're also fucked if you have too much experience, so pretty much every job out there is tailored to people in their 30's who have some level of experience but don't have to be paid as much as a seasoned veteran.

ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. that's what's fucking up the economy for real. you have all these damn employers talking about 2 to 5 year experience, 3 year experience in said field just doing a simple job. they not only want you to have any form of experience as well. they want you to have the specific experience associated with the duties of that job. that's fucking retarded. worst off, you need a degree to begin with to even be qualified for the position. it reminds me of going into college all over again. they make it so hard to get into a 4 year university where you have to have a good SAT score, have to do well in all 4 years of high school, do sports, have jobs, have volunteer experience and all this bullshit. they were making college out to be something that would really kick your ass in high school and to me, the whole college experience was NOT as difficult as they made it out to be. same thing with work. i got fired from my first job which that shit was wack anyway. i went into my second job where people were saying that fast food was a pain in the ass. it really wasn't that bad actually. it's that i wanted something better than what i was doing because i felt like i was a slave getting paid peanuts but the job in itself wasn't difficult.

my guess is that with law school, it'll probably be the same damn thing. it's crazy how they make these things to be the most fucking difficult thing in the world where you have to pass some bullshit ass standard testing, have to jump hoops and loops and when you get there and see the work you have to do, it's like "you had me stressing out and doing all of that for this?" hell, these jobs that they'll make people backflip over fire for probably aren't even as difficult as they're making it to be. these people are fucking funny.

one thing about the closet/you don't have to hurry/it will be bad tomorrow/so brother, don't you worry

Yes...during the time I was considering a career change and looking at a variety of postings, you'd be amazed at some of the "jobs" employers demand X amount of experience for.

No one trains anymore? People have to start somewhere.

Of course this "economy" is making it easier for employers to call the shots now. When you have 500 people applying for one position--you can start making all kinds of demands. I've even heard of people not getting jobs because prospective employers didn't like their e-mail address.

also: if you're applying for a job...they're going to assume you don't care to be hired anytime soon. That's why you MIGHT get a rejection e-mail (a phone call, if they're feeling like being nice) six months after you apply.

that's what's crazy. what's crazy is these places don't even want to hire interns and even internship experience is not regarding the same as job experience. if you ask me, these employers are screwing up the country.

hell, i've applied for jobs and they just haven't said squat to me back. it's messed up.

one thing about the closet/you don't have to hurry/it will be bad tomorrow/so brother, don't you worry

I have no "Plan B". I don't know what I'm going to do with my life when I'm not modelling anymore. Last week was hell. Nothing to do but sit around the house, read, play around on the computer, etc. I was going stir crazy. My partner says I don't have to decide right away, there's plenty of time, and we don't need the money. I don't want to be a 'house husband' or be totally dependent on his income like that. I want something to do that's going to be mine. Thing is... I have no Earthly idea what that is. I'm drawn to creative things, but you can't usually make a living at that. Writing appeals to me most, but photography would be easier for me to get into. I started modelling at 14 so I didn't have any defined idea of what I wanted to be "when I grow up". I'm scared I'm going to become totally financially dependent on him.

I have no "Plan B". I don't know what I'm going to do with my life when I'm not modelling anymore. Last week was hell. Nothing to do but sit around the house, read, play around on the computer, etc. I was going stir crazy. My partner says I don't have to decide right away, there's plenty of time, and we don't need the money. I don't want to be a 'house husband' or be totally dependent on his income like that. I want something to do that's going to be mine. Thing is... I have no Earthly idea what that is. I'm drawn to creative things, but you can't usually make a living at that. Writing appeals to me most, but photography would be easier for me to get into. I started modelling at 14 so I didn't have any defined idea of what I wanted to be "when I grow up". I'm scared I'm going to become totally financially dependent on him.

You won't become financially dependent on him because you recognize it as a possibility now, and you find the possibility unappealing. So, you're going to go out and find yourself something that you can call your own and provide your own income before your modelling days are over.

does this mean something is happening that leads you to believe your time is almost up? Is it already up?

this sentence doesn't necessarily make that clear.

Well, I'm not over the hill yet I'm only 22. But I know that this isn't going to be my life for too many more years. For one, the travelling is hell on a relationship. I'm fortunate that my partner has a flexible job and can travel with me sometimes. Like during the London-Milan-Paris run of fashion weeks, he tries to set up his work so the past two years he's been able to telecommute and come with me. But there's still a lot of being away on this or that gig. I loved the travel when I was single, and even for the first couple of years we were together, but now... it's getting tired.

For the other, unless you're really lucky, most models have a 'sell by' date of 30-35ish at the outside. Even if you still look good, there's the years of exposure you've had. People want a 'fresh face.'

I've been getting a lot of work in East Asia. I travel a lot to Singapore, Hong Kong, and Tokyo. Not to be ungrateful for the luck I've had, but those are the worst trips for me now. I should have probably told my agency to put me up for castings in this week's Japan fashion week, but I just couldn't face being half way around the world again so soon after my last job. However, now I'm restless & bored & worried about things. So I know that I need to start planning for my future and not wait until the last minute.

I talked with some friends when we were out tonight about possibly doing an internship with one of the photographers I've worked with. That'll probably be the direction I go. While I think I've got a 'great American novel' in me somewhere, I can do that in my down time. I guess that this year I've been discovering I have a bit of a homebody streak in me.

man.... i haven't ate since 3 o clock in the afternoon which means right now, i'm gassy like a mufferfudder. i can feel a headache coming on. i'd eat but at the same time, it's not exactly what i want to eat plus i'm too lazy to get up out of my chair and leave my room. i'd love to go for a hamburger on a grill if i had a grill to cook it on.

right now fuddkin sucks. i am bored out of my mind. i used to love the internet so much but this is boring. somehow, i can't seem to pull myself away from this piece of shit. i'm on this site, the-coli, youtube, and some other spots just basically going around a circle. if i had a car and an idea of a place to go, i would be out the house doing something like my older brother BUT instead of stuck in this fucking place literally getting sleepy. i hate being stuck in the house all day and doing like 3 fucking things. damnit. i'm addicted to this web shit. i'm telling myself to pull myself away but i can't. i'm going to study a few more pages of the lsat and then apply to more fussin jobs.

i also haven't showered since friday night. when the water hits my skin after i soap myself down, the water is going to look dirty like the passaic river. i might have some head cheese on my dick. i beat my meat like three times since friday.

one thing about the closet/you don't have to hurry/it will be bad tomorrow/so brother, don't you worry

i'm starting to regret mixing cheese with my mashed potatoes last night. damn, my farts are smelling horrendous. oh god... i would eat some boiled eggs BUT that'll just make matters worse. either way, a shittrain is coming along and i hope everything comes out the digestive tract. EVERYTHING!! i feel like vomiting smelling the biological processes going on inside of me. this isn't right.

and for some reason, i keep on thinking about somehow having my vision being interrupted by watching some microscopic worms which are really a disease just growing and growing until my vision is taken over by them. that shit is scary to me.

it wouldn't surprise me if i was on the government's watch list especially when as a kid and a teenager, i used to look up for nuclear, biological and chemical weapons amongst other things. for some reason, i thought that nbc weapons were fascinating especially the nerve agents like sarin and vx. it used to scare me and at the same time make me go @ how a tiny drop of a chemical that is odorless and tasteless could do so much horrors to someone. the fact that there are warehouses and areas known and unknown to the american public containing these weapons of mass destruction is fucking scary. you might be living right next door to a damn missile launching site. i'm sure there's tons of missile launching stations where nukes are hidden underneath that we don't know. after all, what you don't know is what you should be afraid of. i'm sure that the things that i've posted on my blog as well as all the visits that i've went to the shrink with the crazy things i've said has me being watched by the fbi and cia. the crazy thing is that i THINK that the cops or that the government has been staking outside my house on random occasions. i've seen crown victorias and different type of cars just sitting outside.

i guess my pazzyuno blog is catching me heat. it wouldn't surprise me if i've ran into a cia agent on the low. i'm paranoid as it is. i don't trust anybody. hell, my own mom could probably be working for the government and i wouldn't have a fucking clue.

and another thing too... even though i try to keep this off my mind, i think that someone that may know me is fucking watching me posting but isn't saying anything about it. that makes me very uncomfortable having that thought in my head BUT i'm going to act like that's just me being paranoid and hope that that's not true. if it is, i hope they don't look down on me for what i post.

one thing about the closet/you don't have to hurry/it will be bad tomorrow/so brother, don't you worry

there's nothing more irking than to see a black, asian, indian or basically a nonwhite person being ashamed of being black, asian, indian or whatever they are.

like i'm on okcupid and i notice that many of the black guys on there are putting black mixed with native american instead of just putting black. i'm like unless your mother or father is native american, you're NOT that. your ancestry might be a lot of things but at the end of the day, you're black. i look @ that as them being ashamed of being black. it's just as annoying as hearing black americans whose families go back generations in america talking about they're african. you have african ancestry but you're american. the africans don't look @ you like you're one of their own because you're NOT. accept where you're from.

i also notice that many of the black guys on that okcupid site i guess seem to prefer white guys (as is indicated through the pics they have of themselves where their friends are white and they're the ONLY black person in their picture). i know i shouldn't judge BUT if i see that, right away, i assume that that black guy doesn't want to have anything to do with black people or has an issue with black people. i mean... what would be the point in showing the people that you hang with? obviously, you're implying something. i understand if you're like the only black person in your school, neighborhood and etc BUT in somewhere like manhattan or brooklyn. i dunno. you mean to tell me that you have like 12 photos of yourself and have everyone of them with a white person in them chilling beside you? there's nothing wrong with having friends that aren't black. i just think that you're telling all the nonwhites to not even bother to message you because you don't want to have anything to do with them.

one thing about the closet/you don't have to hurry/it will be bad tomorrow/so brother, don't you worry

Just look at poitics. There are many many people who vote Republican for no other reason than they can't handle the idea of a minority getting a break.

Besides that, consider this: very few black Americans are 100% black. That's the statistical truth. Even Obama is bi-racial.

i think it's safe to say that everyone in the world is mixed with something. there is no such thing as someone being 100 percent of something. it's just not possible. i just think it'll be a big headache to find out exactly what they're mixed with.

and politics is bullshit. at the end of the day, it's a much bigger picture than what people would like to think or believe is going on that dictates the happenings of this country besides a bunch of politicians politicking. it really doesn't matter who you vote for at the end of the day. whatever's going to happen is going to happen. it's that when people vote, they can have a right to complain or whatever if things don't go their way. sometimes, the change that people are basically expecting to happen can be done by themselves but yet they expect someone else to make things change for them. for example, gun violence. i seriously believe that gun violence would drop IF people changed their thinking towards violence in general. you have so many people that feel the need to get physical in situations that don't even call for it. someone cuts them off on the highway and they're ready to fight someone. someone cuts them in line and they're ready to fight. someone looks at them wrong and they're ready to fight. why do people feel the need to fight every minute or for that matter get angry over everything?

one thing about the closet/you don't have to hurry/it will be bad tomorrow/so brother, don't you worry

I try to comprehend a lot of things but one thing sexually eludes me, foot fetish. I just do not get it at all.

The lines of a man's feet can be very erotic, and artistic.

His toes speaks volumes about his inner most feelings, and attitude.

Watch them in amusement as they curl and splay as he's having an orgasm (as a bottom, or being blown), or see how he uses them for leverage as a top. Are they bent forward, gripping the bed, or curved backwards allowing his thighs to slide more easily.

Watch in fascination as he absentmindedly plays with his flip flops with his toes while reading a book, or engaged in idle conversation.

A well defined arch can lead you to his "Achilles Heel" (so to speak) and that one ticklish spot at the bottoms of his feet that will bring him to his knees.

His feet are an extension of his brain, and carries his body to places his mind wants to go. They're the foundation of what holds up his fantastic masculine form.

Now, while I will admit to having a minor foot fetish, there's a fine line, and I can just as easily (often is the case) be just as turned off by a man's feet.

for the first time since 2009, i'm taking a week break from the gym. i think i need the break. can't work out every week.

and i'm thinking about whether i should take a hiatus from the internet too. i'm contemplating about whether i should take a hiatus or make my account for a few months for my own good. i don't feel like being on the internet everyday and i feel as if this site is a bit too addictive for me.

one thing about the closet/you don't have to hurry/it will be bad tomorrow/so brother, don't you worry

the thing about this place is that the site isn't even busy to begin with. web traffic is slow on this site. it wouldn't be so embarrassing. being on the internet all day is embarrassing especially if it's doing nothing constructive like this.

one thing about the closet/you don't have to hurry/it will be bad tomorrow/so brother, don't you worry

^If you don't mind my asking, how do you know about the website traffic?

oh... i meant as in by how many people are posting where you have people replying and making threads every minute. i really don't know about the website traffic on this site like that. my fault. it's that this site isn't busy compared to a lot of other forums i've seen where there's new topics and threads being responded to every second.

one thing about the closet/you don't have to hurry/it will be bad tomorrow/so brother, don't you worry

call me sick but i'm currently watching a live feed of what is about to be an execution process conference going on in south dakota. i'm fascinated with the death penalty and executions. i was disappointed when new jersey abolished the death penalty. i actually wanted to be a citizen witness to an execution. i'm against the death penalty though. i sound like a hypocrite.

Yeah it's a big deal out here. He hasn't even been in jail very long. At least, compared to the last guy that got the death penalty here.

you're in south dakota? this is the quickest i've heard about an inmate being put to death. he was sentenced to die last year april. he gave up his appeals and they're about to kill him tonight. the last time i heard about an inmate being executed in a short period of time was the dc sniper. his execution was involuntary too. dude lost all his state and federal appeals within 6 years.

the word hasn't come in yet. any minute now.

one thing about the closet/you don't have to hurry/it will be bad tomorrow/so brother, don't you worry

you're in south dakota? this is the quickest i've heard about an inmate being put to death. he was sentenced to die last year april. he gave up his appeals and they're about to kill him tonight. the last time i heard about an inmate being executed in a short period of time was the dc sniper. his execution was involuntary too. dude lost all his state and federal appeals within 6 years.

the word hasn't come in yet. any minute now.

Yeah, believe me, I was really surprised when I heard how long he had been in there. In fact, I don't even think he was in jail when the last guy was executed. I'm not as informed in this case as I was in that one, though. But it's still surprising.