Cleaning My Closets, Cleansing My Soul

In 2014, I was recovering from pregnancy loss and a bad breakup. So I quit my job, packed up my entire place, put everything in storage and moved in with my BFF. I was so lost and I needed to be around loved ones for support. I hit rock bottom and I needed a solid foundation that would allow me to rebuild.

I picked up a temporary customer service job to support myself; but, by this time I was in debt. I was in survival mode. My only bill concerns were my car payment, storage facility, gas and grocery. The others could wait. I was so behind on my car payment that I remember hiding my car in my BFF’s garage in fear that the car repo man would find me! I didn’t like that so I set out to focus on catching up my late car payments.

Somewhere down the line I lost focus and became late on my storage payment. The storage company called me a couple of times; but, I didn’t call back. My mind was still really cloudy these days. I realized that they could auction off the storage so I decided to call them the next day after I received an urgent message from them. I called at 10:00 AM that morning. The gentleman on the phone told me that they had sold my storage at 8:00 AM. I was in a daze. That storage housed my brand new, front loading, Samsung washer and dryer that I used to dry clean my finest outfits. Speaking of outfits, it housed some of my favorite plus size vintage clothing, which by the way is very hard to find. Oh and my leopard print shoe collection, from boots to espadrilles. My baby pictures and other sentimental things were all gone too. I got off from work and rushed over to the storage facility to talk to the manager. He explained that he was sorry but there was nothing he could do. My storage was gone. That’s when it hit me, they sold my life away. My entire life was gone in a flash! Or was it?

I cried for weeks, my family and friends tried to console me to no avail. I thought I had already hit rock bottom; but, this was a rude awakening. This was truly my rock bottom. I’d lost my love, home, baby and all of my things in less than two years. After a few weeks of crying, I grew tired of that shit! Plot twist! I am a dreamer and couldn’t remain in that pit. I had dreams to turn into goals to turn into plans. So I did just that, I turned my life around and I’m currently growing daily.

I was able to get all of my things back, tenfold. Maybe a little too much to my minimalist friends. Over the past few weeks via social media, I’ve been posting my wardrobe cleaning chronicles. I’ve given away lots of clothing to the Goodwill stores in my communities and I’ve sold some things on Poshmark. Then I had an epiphany — I used to keep clothes to the point of waste. Sometimes I would give things away, but, only after they were defectively usable in some way. I love clothes so much that I was I was afraid to lose something good. It was different this time though. Cleaning my closets felt good. I could just feel all of the energy from past good times, past frustrations and relationships attached to that clothing being released from me. I took a deep breath and thought, “Ah, one step closer to being free minded.”

Ever since losing that storage, cleaning my closets is symbolic of cleansing my soul of clutter. I was devastated at the time I lost everything; but, after healing I realized how grateful I am to just live life. Uncluttering all of the build up revealed to me that life is about about being free of the insecure and competitive behaviors that tend to bind us to material things. Materials can never replace the intangibles like true love, friendship and solid support systems. Closet cleansing, in turn, allows me to continue to uncover my true self. Oh don’t get it twisted, I still love clothes! I’ll just call this a new style phase. A new time in my life to create new experiences. Damn it look at me — just growing everyday!

Did this story resonate with you in any way? Did you have a loss that taught you a lesson? Let me know all about it in the comments below.

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4 Comments

Girl! You are so right! I cleaned my closet and Soul a few years ago. Somehow , it’s grown back into a cluttered mess (both my soul and my closet). This, for me, is a fall challenge to clear not only my closet, but my mind, my body and my soul. Love you girl! ✊🏽