Archive for the Elle Macpherson Category

Elle Macpherson is like an old friend to me. One I haven’t spoken to in a long time, but who’s pictures I like to revisit every chance I get. I could say I’ve done coke off her tits while vactioning on a yacht, during a break from plunging my dick in her plump meaty australian pussy, like a plumber trying to unclog a toilet that my wife has assaulted it in some kind of shitting fight to the death that the toilet sadly lost, but I don’t like bragging, especially when it is of romance novel style masturbation fantasies because those are meant for girls, but here are some pictures of Elle showing off that body I wanted in 1988 and after 20 years of failure on my part later, she still keeping up her end of the deal, on a side note, in 3 days, we’ll have to make that 21 years of failure on my part. Either way, here are the pics.

Elle Macpherson is the kind of model I like. Sure, she’s big and tall but that body is thin and long legged and she looks tight, despite being old and washed up. Sure I have a warm place in my heart since the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition 1988 VHS tape was the best thing my perverted roommate who left behind because I got to see her tits in it and I’d try not to remember my perverted roommate who once got the police showing up at our place when we lived together because he was watching bondage porn and the neighbor thought someone was getting raped, when the only thing he was raping was himself, usually in the middle of the evening when he’d run off to the bathroom to take a shit and come out an hour later, something I never really understood, because sitting over a festering shit, never got me hard, even if it was the only alone time I got in a day….but that doesn’t matter, what does matter is that Elle Macpherson is so hot, she probably looks good taking a shit, which is something I’ve never experienced, mainly because the only time I’ve ever admitted that girls take shits is when I first got married a bunch of years ago and was given the job of helping my wife get off the toilet when she got stuck and if was lucky, I’d get to wipe her messy shit off her ass, all while contemplating suicide until doing a google image search for Elle Macpherson, to remember that not all girls make me sick.

Here are some pictures of Elle Macpherson from the other day showin’ a little bra because she’s still got it going on for an old lady.

She is the woman who first introduced me to Australian Bikini models during a 1988 cover of SI and I still think she’s probably a better fuck now than she was then. Not only has Elle probably had more loads in her than either of them, but she’s also in her pre-menopausal prime that makes her want to bounce on as many dicks as she can before her vagina dries up and stops working. KInda like how my wife gets when see sees the staff at the Chinese Buffet closing up….

Love Me or Hate Me? Give me a Call and Let Me Know How You Really Feel….Don’t Hack My Site Again GO

I am obviously not very good at marketing, I have a shitty website no one reads and I can’t even get the 2 girls who read my site to get naked for me, but I do know one thing and that is that if Elle Macpherson is promoting her lingerie line, she’d be better off doing it in lingerie and not fully fuckin’ clothed. The only thing she is showing off is the one thing she probably should be keeping locked up, because her fuckin’ feet are big and scare me.

I know that some of you are into this whole foot fetish shit, and that for some reason that fetish has become accepted even if it’s fuckin’ weird, but like most supermodels, bitch is tall, and when a bitch is tall, she usually has big fuckin’ feet to help her balance her 6 foot tall frame, and as much as I love models, I hate girls with big feet.

But this isn’t about me, it’s about Elle Macpherson being a boring old lady when she’s still got it going on and could have made all of our day a better one, but instead decides to cock tease us by not getting naked even after we’ve all seen her naked. It’s like hanging out with a girl you’ve bagged in hopes of recycling that shit cuz it’s good for the environment, and by environment I mean balls, but she won’t give it up because girls control the vagina and think you’re gross but like you’re company. Maybe next time you get with them, you can carry their bags for them and compare stories about when you got you first period, because bitch just amputated your vagina and turned you into a bitch.

I hate girls with short stubby legs and I don’t know why. I never really had standards in my life and I was never a leg man in but every time I go out and see these long torso bitches with these thick short legs they instantly turn into dudes so that I don’t even notice them anymore. It even happens when they are ridiculously hot, I just can’t stomach the thought of them aging into this fat short legged dumpy ass bitches. I guess it’s because long thin legs, usually leads to a nice tight ass, and a nice tight ass leads to a nice tight vagina and a nice tight vagina leads to a nice stomach and at that point tits just don’t matter. It’s all built from the ground up.

Elle Macpherson may be older and not as hot as she was in the 80s, but if you were the dude who was banging her in the 80s and you knew she’d end up looking like this 20 years later, you probably wouldn’t have let her dump you ass for someone with more money, you probably would have kidnapped her and kept her in a cage so that she never ran away, but you’re weird because just knowing I slammed Elle Macpherson in her prime would lead me to a life of only fucking hotter girls than her, she set the bar and the good thing being is a guy is that there is always someone younger and fresher and stupid enough to sit on your dick and by your dick I mean someone with enough game to land Elle Macpherson not someone who lives in a basement apartment and works at a post office by day and a professional RPG player by night….if you know what I mean, which you probably do….all too well.

I hate girls with short stubby legs and I don’t know why. I never really had standards in my life and I was never a leg man in but every time I go out and see these long torso bitches with these thick short legs they instantly turn into dudes so that I don’t even notice them anymore. It even happens when they are ridiculously hot, I just can’t stomach the thought of them aging into this fat short legged dumpy ass bitches. I guess it’s because long thin legs, usually leads to a nice tight ass, and a nice tight ass leads to a nice tight vagina and a nice tight vagina leads to a nice stomach and at that point tits just don’t matter. It’s all built from the ground up.

Elle Macpherson may be older and not as hot as she was in the 80s, but if you were the dude who was banging her in the 80s and you knew she’d end up looking like this 20 years later, you probably wouldn’t have let her dump you ass for someone with more money, you probably would have kidnapped her and kept her in a cage so that she never ran away, but you’re weird because just knowing I slammed Elle Macpherson in her prime would lead me to a life of only fucking hotter girls than her, she set the bar and the good thing being is a guy is that there is always someone younger and fresher and stupid enough to sit on your dick and by your dick I mean someone with enough game to land Elle Macpherson not someone who lives in a basement apartment and works at a post office by day and a professional RPG player by night….if you know what I mean, which you probably do….all too well.

I was the bar last night and saw a bitchin’ cat fight on the street as I was stumbling home with the random I met who’s name I can’t remember right now. I was pretty drunk, and was paying more attention to the hand up my skirt then the words being spat back and forth as fists were flying and high heels were being removed for weapons purposes. Therefore I have no idea what the fight was about. I’m guessing something really stupid tho, because normal, sensible grown women don’t fist fight on crowded rainy streets at 3am.

I think it’s funny how women hate other women for no other reason then the fact that they are women. Feminists will go and and on about how men purposely turn us against each other in a way to keep us more pre-occupied in our problems with each other versus the problems in regards to how women are treated in this world. It makes sense in some ways, but it always forgets the most important fact which is that women are catty bitches who more often then not need to step down off thier high horses, cut the jealousy, and as I always like to say, get the sand out of their vaginas. I’d like to see that in the next piece of feminists literature some hippy chick that doesn’t shave her legs hands to me.

The reason most women hate women like Elle Macpherson however, is that they are bored house wives with fat asses who spend way to much of their husbands money on make-up and Oil of Olay in hopes to make themselves attractive. Elle Macpherson on the otherhand jet sets around the world being naturally thin with no make-up, unbrushed hair and giving guys around the world everywhere boners that rip their pants.

It seems like surfing is the new thing for middle-aged celebrities to learn. I am going to admit that I have always wanted to be a surfer because they get all the bitches and are living the dream, unfortunately I don’t know how to swim, I am drunk too often, and I am too fat for any surfboard to support my weight – but I still like to believe that one day I’ll be living the dream….

Here are some pictures of a SLAMMIN’ Elle Macpherson in a bikini that someone sent in to me. She was one of the original bikini models who opened my eyes to bikini models and I remember spending endless nights curled up to my Sports Illustrated 1988 or 89 video where here nipples were exposed numerous times…..

I came across this story I wrote a while ago and figured I’d post it because I don’t think I have yet and since it’s a true story, you need to read it….

I knew this gay kid who was from a gay family. He had a brother and he had a father and he never really spoke of his mother, but it is safe to say that she is either dead or fucked off on them. They grew up in a good part of town and they had a nice house and a good female influence in the shape of a 250 pound aunt who was the biggest leather wearing dyke in the county. His dad was a fag, his brother was a fag and he was a fag but he was in the closet, his dad was in the closet and his brother was in the closet. They were all in the fucking closet for fear of being judged, disowned or whatever because the dad played the front of the homophobe while doing dudes in his spare time.

The family had an unfortunate experience of finding out that each other were into the cock when they all accidentally ended up at the Gay Sauna on the same night and one brother happened to be on the receiving end of the Glory hole and another brother ended up on the left side glory hole and his dad ended up on the right side of the glory hole and dude ended up servicing each of them to completion unknowingly until the meet at greet in the hot tub where the dad decided that it was time for a sit down and talk about him being a faggot and the faggot way of life.

So the point of the story is that the gay kid I knew sucked off his dad and his brother in one sitting, one night, a series of unfortunate events and that story is more fucked up that these pictures of Elle Macpherson could turn any man straight…..

I remember back in 1989 and porn wasn’t as available to 19 year old dudes as it is today. I used to rub one out to anything I could, from shitty music videos on MTV to magazine spreads and a Sports Illustrated 25 Year Anniversary VHS. That shit was my porno because you could see Rachel Hunter and Elle Macpherson’s nipples, Cheryl Tiegs rack which was huge then, but not by today’s standards of genetically modifed food giving 10 year olds 34DDs. The point of all this is to say that dudes everywhere could get off to the simple things, like a cleavage shirt or a nipple or even and topless tribe in Africa. They didn’t need the bodage shit, or the teen girls taking facials, or graphic gangbangs and internal cum shots to get off. This isn’t a sociological commentary, but you gotta ask yourself what happens to society when an 18 year old, who 15 years ago would get off to a nipple can now only get off to gang bang porn with anal cumshots that he can find by typing it into google. He’s already got an established fetish and he’s still a fucking virgin…He’s already desensitized to seeing a naked woman so that his sexual needs are that of a 40 year old married man who’s bored of fucking his wife, and he’s still a virgin. Do you get where I am going with this, because I don’t.

After taking a 5 minute break from writing this post, I decided that what I am trying to say is that 18 year old girls are just as exposed to porn now as dudes are. So the nice unassuming private school girls who used to stay virgins til they were 18 like Donna on 90210 are getting fucked up the ass while taking one in the box and one in the mouth at the age of 17 with her highschool sweetheart instead of issuing the “panty-on rule”. So now all this what would have been prude bitches are acting like they are the next Belladonna. So we’re in for an interesting 10 years of teen pregnancy and teen STDs which have finally made their way from the gutter to the uppercrust.

Speaking of Pregnancy and STDs, here’s some pictures of “CRAZY” Elle Macpherson picking up her kids from school. Crazy or not, I’d still stuff her like a turkey with my mouth (since I am impotent), if I had the chance.