The kind of lucky windfalls I get are like, finding $1 in a coat pocket I haven’t worn in a long time. But while it would be way more fun to accidentally receive a PayPal balance of $92,233,720,368,547,800, it’d hurt a lot less to have $1 taken away than those quadrillions.

A man in Pennsylvania says he had a bit of a shocker upon glancing at his PayPal account last week when he opened his monthly emailed statement, reports the Daily News. Spoiler alert: He did not get to keep the money. Sigh.

“I’m just feeling like a million bucks,” he told the Daily News, despite the fact that he doesn’t in fact, have a million bucks. “At first I thought that I owed quadrillions. It was quite a big surprise.”

Once he logged onto the site, however, he saw a balance of zero, and all the air went out of his newly rich tires. Even though he wasn’t about to be rolling in dough, a charitable force overtook him and he donated $30 to a local political campaign.

“I was moved to be really generous by good fortune,” he explained.

PayPal said it can’t comment on individual accounts, but a spokeswoman said she’d be checking into what happened.

So what would he have done with all that dough, if it had been some kind of cosmic lottery win?

“I’m a very responsible guy,” he said. “I would pay the national debt down first. Then I would buy the Phillies, if I could get a great price.”

Me? I’d buy a dairy farm somewhere nice, and hire Aaron Rodgers to milk cows with me and watch Friday Night Lights whenever we wanted to, while snacking on cheese curds. Obviously, this would lead to everlasting love and happy ending.