Thursday, May 13, 2010

If tonight's Softball Game between Werther's Originals and the Wolfpack were a Novel, it would be a Best Seller, unless it was written by one of those Wolfpack dudes, If they wrote it, then it would just be one of those self published novels, that only your mom reads.

Their Mom's would probably hate how it turned out, but lie to their Wolfpack Kids because they feel some sense of obligation to those dudes, seeing as how every mom that has ever lived will talk about the minimum 23 Bajillion hours they spent in labor delivering your sorry ass.

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The least you could do as a kid, or son, that plays hack league softball, after putting your mother through that intense pain, is win a damn hack league softball game when you are up 8 to 2 after five innings. (If you lose, don't be writing any damn novels about that shit that you have to self publish in your basement.)

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Not withstanding the pain their mothers must be going through after that game, Our moms are generally pleased. They see their sons as noble individuals and guys that fight for what is good in this world. Anne Franks would tell us how life is worth living and stuff because that is what her diary talks about, So let me just interject myself here, and tell everyone on our team that your Moms are proud of you. They did not go through 20 bajillion hours of labor to birth failures. (ever notice how no mom in the world has ever given birth in 23 minutes like they do all the time in any sitcom you have ever watched when a child is being born?) Anne Franks would also be proud because we felt the MoJo that is life and let it carry us through the hiding in the basement part we were doing during the 8 to 2 part of that game when we had the two.

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We still did not hit that well, only scoring 11 runs in a hack league softball game, and maybe Richard Gere is never going to come up that ladder and rescue us from our hookerness. (Richard Gere being our hitting explosion Metaphor from Pretty woman, in that he was REALLY RICH which is what we would like to be in terms of softball hitting wise, and our hookerness being the Julia Robert's Character that has no self esteem in regards to how our hitting has been awful for most of the last half of this season, because, hey, she is a hooker, kind of like our hitting is just trying to survive in this world as well, by selling ourselves out and just getting by)

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Maybe we will just play Defense for the rest of our lives and win games with tiny little softball scores like 11 to 8 as we did tonight. Maybe that is how we roll.

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Maybe we are like the pre-pubescent girl that never grows breasts at all. I am not saying we don't want to have knockers like Pam Anderson, and hit the shit out of the ball, but maybe we just have to be happy with the legs we have that are like Giselle Bundschen, (if Giselle Bundschen's legs represented our defense.) Seriously, that woman has some legs..... which reminds me of the ZZ Top Concert I went to a couple of weeks ago. "She's got Legs, and she knows how to use them..." So did we ...There were only a few errors and in the fourth inning I only threw three pitches to get three outs...The Legs we were throwing out there defensively was just a sexy Giselle Bundschen kind of defense. ..

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Afterward we drank some beer and discussed life in general . Some of the questions and topics that were discussed and answered were: 1) why Doug Johnson (used to play QB for The Gators and Atlanta Falcons) is a douchebag 2) what happens to the space in your body where your spare kidney used to be when you donate it out to someone. 3) various Cake Decoration mistakes. 4) Chicken fried Chicken with Gravy and how awesome a meal that is 5) did the Rays really just go 6 and 3 on their west coast swing? 6) did Wilfred Brimley die? or was he sitting at the end of the bar we were patronizing tonight? 7) Who is Wilfred Brimley? 8) what if the Rays got any production whatsoever out of BJ Upton, Tony Pena, and Pat Burrell, how awesome would they be then when considering even without those guys contributing much offensively the Rays have the best team in all the major leagues 9) How awesome is this Saturday going to be when a ton of us go to the Saturday Game which is followed by a Nelli concert. 10) who is Nelli? and what songs might I know that he sings. 11) is it necessary to do Homework on Nelli by looking him up on You Tube or should you just go with the flow and not worry about it? 12) Is doing an Oil Change yourself really worth not spending the 19.99 you would spend at Jiffy Lube to have someone else scrape the hell out of their knuckles instead of you getting the Filter off worth it? Plus, the time it takes to do it yourself versus just driving in and paying the 19.99 to have that shit done for you? -

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We ponder lots of shit, Thats what we do. We think about life and all that life does while it plays out in front of us and with us both for us and against us... Tonights Softball game was definitely a "for us kind of moment" Go "Werthers ORIGINALS" as our Third baseman's kid's would totally yell out if they had gone to this game.