PC1: "I fireball the Gnolls."Player2: "Noooooo!"{player2 just lost his character. His new one was to be introduced as the prisoner of the Gnolls, but only the player and GM knew that. It was the shortest lived character I've ever seen.}

GM: "The guard's bullets are riddling the Van."PC: "The Briefcase! It's full of plastic explosives! I set the timer, throw it out the window and tell Dave to floor it."GM: "How long do you set the timer for?"PC: "Uhh, three seconds."

"Oh no, I forgot to take my parachute..."

"Well, sorry, sir. Didn't mean to hit your wife..."

"Is it possible to pat these beasties?"

"No need for health potions to fight a dragon!"

(with an authoritative voice) : "Get out of here, hands over your head, you bast..."

(slightly worried) : "Didn't you lock the car door a few minutes ago?"

"And I say to you that you're gonna let me go out of this hospital!"

"Hi, guys! I'm a bounty hunter too, just like you. And now, tell me who pays you to hunt these people?"

(one of the PCs being possessed by a Demon)PC: "Maybe we should kill and later resurrect him..."

"I shall subdue him with a glance from my 'Evil Eye'."

"Please, I have 16 Dex, I don't need magical aids for this one."

"This die is cursed. Just throw me over that damn bridge." (said to a VERY dumb barbarian who didn't recognize sarcasm.)

"DAMN! We got only time for one spell mage, that dragon better not win initiative!"

"I don't trust you! I know you are Chaotic Evil, I am NOT going to leave this room as you suggest!" (case of false knowledge, room collapsed)

PC: "Well, I may have stone hands now, but at least I survived."GM: "Didn't I tell you? That fireball took damage from you too."

"Of course we're alert! We're always expecting attack!"

PC to another PC: "What is your problem? Paladins are cool."(1st time Ravenloft player)

"What? Hill giants? Since when do hill giants live in caves?"

"We're lighthouse inspectors" (said to a cultist guard at their hq, an abandoned lighthouse)

"Deep ones croak when they move, they can't sneak up on..." <thunk> as a spear pinned the pc's arm to the wall

"The King in Yellow...(failed mythos role)...He'll help us!"

"I shoot at the boat with my tommy gun..." from the pier, the boat was filled with munitions and explosives

GM: "He's standing in the middle of the road, shooting at you."PC: "OK, I ram him with my car."GM (grinning): "He's climbing up the hood, tearing handholds into the hood with his bare hands."PC: "I hit the brakes and run him over..."

PC: "I shoot the giant sea monster with the harpoon gun."GM: "The spear connects, and the rope reels out into the lake. What is the rope tied to?"PC: "The car, It won't get far."GM: "You're right, it's (the car) being pulled into the lake"PC: "But I'm between the car and the..."<roll damage>

PC (to vampire): "Ya wanna go to the beach, work on the tan?"

"Your passport, please?!"

"Sir, you are not allowed to enter this area."

"You and what army?"

"If you were as smart as you think you are, you wouldn't be a cop."

PC1: "Hey, a door. Why don't you knock?"PC2: "OK!"

GM: "Okay, as you finish off the guards you watch the (evil) priests finish their ceremony, and a *big* demon appears in the middle of their circle."PC1: "Okay, I fire at the nearest (evil) priest. (Firing)."PC2 (Priest): "Now those priests weren't the only thing to hold back that *big* demon - were they?"

GM: "Right then, after you've killed that strange monster (mutated rat), you rest... After a while you hear steps round the corner further down the corridor... And yes it is Rob-O-COP, only trouble is he got his pal Ed-209 with him, what do you do?"PC1: "Well if we use the grenade launcher, we can afford to miss by a couple of meters - I say we go for it with the launcher."PC2: "Right I'll use this grenade (from a box of unmarked grenades). I have time to aim right? Allright with the aim I have a better chance of hitting right? (Aiming then firing)."GM: "Right what you see is this: the TacNuke grenade you just launched hits its target, and your spirits are lifted a microsecond until you're vaporized along with everything within 240 meters."

PC1: "Oh, you're saying that with this thought controlled plasmathrower all I have to do is point like this (pointing at PC2)and say 'Fire'." FOOOOMM.

PC1: (to mission leader at HQ) "But with this map I can't lead them (the other players) into an ambush."Other Players: "TRAITOR!!!!" ZAP ZAP ZAP.

PC1: (While using belt which generates a force field a round his body) "I fire my laser!"GM: "You *fire* your laser???"PC1: "Yes!"GM: "Wow you're in luck! You see your shot leaving the barrel and then approximately one inch from the barrel it ricochettes round until it hits your chest...And nothing happens.PC1: "I fire again!"

PC2: "Right then we'd better use the DocBot" (on PC1).DocBot: (Ex-minesweeping bot) "Fine. I'll just check for internal injuries." (Opens PC1) "dum da dee...hmm LOOK OUT GRENADE!!!" (rips out vital organs while throwing them to a safe distance from the PC's).

"Ohh never mind that, that's just a rabbit."

"Well I know we've been there before, but what's the probability of them counting on us striking there again?"

"Well I know we've been there twice before, but what's the probability of them counting on us striking there again?"

PC1: "Allright I booby-trap my home in case the bad guys come to seek me out. And then I leave for the rendez-vouz with the other players."Other PC's: "We'll go to PC1's place in case he's still at home."

(in Starwars) "I jump over the grenade and I use the Force."

"I fall to the floor and I feign death."

"The followers of Humakt can't resurrect, I know."

"We try to dodge the stampede of the droids."

"It's very curious. Your pet was able to find you under two or three meters of snow when he is in vacc-suit.""Yes, very curious..." BOOOOOM! (typical imperial cyborg pet with self-destruction device, acting as a spy)

"The monster must kill my fellows to reach me. I will kill him before with my 9 mm gun."

"No! Not another ghost!"

"I don't want to hurt you."

"So, how are chances for a double fumble..."

"I avoid the gargoyle, run and drink from the healing fountain" (the water was healing, but the gargoyle not)

"Please, can you repeat for me the magic words?"

"It's a Nyarlathotep statue, huh? I touch his trunk."

"A cthonian? Wait until I get the thompson and you'll see how long he lives."

"I only have one hit point left. I go back, right?"

"He failed with a 31? Ha, ha!. What a clumsy guy!"

"Give me your beer."

"I think we have finished them."

"I have just deactivated the trap."

"Don't worry, this gas isn't poisonous."

"Cause we have finished yet, I go to take away my armour."

"Well, my WISH is to become [any inanimate object]."

"I bet the bridge resists."

"I don't think things can become any worse."

"Evidently I trust in the thief, he's one of ours, or not?"

"What's the meaning of this mark in the door?"

"Really, we don't need a cleric."

"This dungeon is not dangerous."

"Why the flame of this torch has turned to blue?"

"No, I'm not reading the adventure, I'm only looking at the drawings!"

"I approach to the lich and I try to put my hand in his pocket."

"This door wasn't trapped the last time we came here."

"Brak? What a name for a barbarian!"

"I don't need to read the instructions."

"This site appears to be good for encampment."

"Here they won't find me."

"With a 3 I pass the saving throw?"

"Push first the red button and then the blue button. No, wait...!"

"What is that noise like running water?"

"I have never seen before a balista. How does it work?"

"Hey, you who are inside! Go out and fight like men!"

"I'm a cleric! I can take care of all the undead!"

"We're lucky, a demon prince! If we kill him we got a lot of experience and treasure!"

"I'm here to replace you at this post..." (elven PC in evil Human NPC's castle who only has human guards)

"Hey, cast a detect magic for me will ya." (to a mad mage)

"What are magi-tech armors?"

GM: (to a player who is falling asleep) "Matt, are you asleep? No, okay. You hear the whine of a jet turbine engine."PC: "Huh? What? Banshee? Who's got a fucking Banshee!!?? Where did the Banshee come from??!!"

"Ok, He Hits Me. How Much Damage Do I Take? Whaddya Mean 'You Need More Dice'??"

PC: "I'll open the chest."Rest of Party: "DUCK!!"PC: "That's not a duck that's a giant crossbow bo..."

"I sneak out the backdoor!" (none found)

"I hide in the clearing!"

"I stick my staff into the crocodile's mouth, so it cannot close it!"

"Can't my familiar save me?"

Party of four crawling one by one through a very narrow tunnel. Leadcharacter says: "What if a Lightning Bolt hits us from ahead right now?"

PC has just totally missed a tumbling check when trying a volt OVER agargoyle blocking his way past a ditch. He lands face first in the muddyditch.PC: (looks around) "What happened to the gargoyle?"DM: "Err... outta sight, but there`s a HUGE crocodile heading your way from the north of the ditch!"PC: "I play dead!"

PC: "I wish I was DEAD!" (didn't know he owned a ring of three wishes)

"What do you mean 'Everybody get out - he goes berzerk'?"

"What do you mean 'It's ticking'?"

"'Demon King', huh? That doesn't impress me. Mankind's power has advanced in the many many years you've been imprisoned. And now I, the great Archmage of Zok, will show you what magic is really all about."

"Clear your mind, clear the mind, and nothing will defeat you."

"This underground town is boring. I return to the maze and look at the last door we didn't open."

".., five, six, seven, eight...erm, last time I counted, we were only five."

"For heaven's sake. Our scouts return." (well, they weren't 'our's)

"I cast Detect Magic!" (priest who stood afront of his good)

"Damn computer!" (in Paranoia)

"No don't interfere, I've got her right where she wants me."

"I'm the best at what I do and what I do is a very nice."

"What's that annoying chanting? We're in the middle of a duel here!"

"I'll distract the dragon!"

"I thought since we were first level, the guards would be first level, too."

PC: "I'm going to pick the barmaid's pockets."DM: "You fail and she starts screaming."PC: "Damn. I attack her. Chris, Sean, help me. Sean, you are a 12th level paladin, aren't you? Get out your long sword +3. We can kill her."

"I will fight alone against the outlaw chief."

PC: "We can not loose, we use APDS ammunition!"GM: "Right, but this time your enemies have it, too!"

"What do you mean we're in Blasted Lands?!"

PC1: "The DM wants to try that new 'Ravenloft' campaign setting.."PC2: "Yeah, when I said that I wanted to play a Paladin he just lookedat me and smiled..."

"What can they possibly do from that distance?" (only his smoking boots were found)

"I throw my torch down the pit." (oil pit)

"Where did the door go?"

"Smuurph...that guy talks with a lisp."

PC1: "I thought I saw a glint over there in those trees..."PC2: "Don't bother to wake the party."

"Hey - is *this* a mandrake root?" (pull)

"Nope, I didn't bring any of my party with me."

"I did this exact same thing first level."

"Wow.. she's pretty hot.."

"Now you're gonna get it! Okay, who stole my dagger?"

PC1: "Come on, we should have this wand identified. It won't cost that much."PC2: "We don't have any money! Just say the words written on it, and lets see what happens."

"Oh, don't worry, this Doppelganger is different from the last one. Look at him, the old one didn't have a beard."

"Oh look! A Nymph!"

"Don't be silly, 'Evenresh' does not mean beware, it means 'Welcome'!"

"Oh, Archers are wimps. You think you are so tough, come down out of that tree I'll show..."

"Ok, so I lied. Maybe 5th level healer was a little bit of an exaggeration... Well, cure light wounds is a pretty difficult spell..."

"No risk, no fun."

"We don't negotiate with terrorists!"

"You can't kill me because I've got a magic aaargh."

(In a magic shapeshifting duel:)PC :"You said no dragons!"NPC:"But I didn't say anything about no PURPLE dragons!"

"Death ensues - What the hell does death ensues mean??" (First usage of DMs now favorite phrase)

"You're making this up as you go aren't ya?!"

DM: "You see a strange beast made from the mismatched parts of other bodies"PC: "So we're fighting Michael Jackson??"

"Okay, so why does this guy have a pool of acid in his sun room again?"

"Nuclear warfare? Never heard of it!" (PC teleported to the 20th C)

PC (driving a submarine): "Okay, so there's only one island in all of Waterworld, and I just hit it?"

PC (shortly after finding Deck of Many Things): "Name of the game is five card stud."

"So there's an army of orcs outside, and the castle's burning down. Pizza break!"

"Explain to me again why the pegasi flew into the Red Dragon's lair??"

"I vomit on the table, then he will not like to have dinner with me any longer and let me go."

"I shoot the gaz tank (50000 liters) with my plasma rifle so that nobody else can use it..."

PC1: " I take out the nitroglycerin and sprinkle it over the driver."PC2 howls in rage as the explosive splashes over the car burning him badly.GM: "The car now out of control smashes through the mall window and into a ornamental tree.... KABOOOM!"

"Gee. I didn't know that giant spider webs were flammable."

"You guys find the Prince, I'll keep these guys busy!"

GM: "Do you remember the ED-209 from the movie Robo-Cop?"PC: "Yes, WHY?"GM: "Here's his big brother."