Joke of the day

Every man needs a go-to joke.

Monday

Joke
N°
5070

We’ll Never Forget You
Two women stop in a graveyard to relieve themselves after a wild night out on the town. One wipes herself with her pants while the other uses a wreath.
The next day their husbands are at a bar. One says to the other: “My wife came home last night with no pants on.”
“That’s nothing,” his friend says. “My wife had a card wedged up her ass saying: 'We’ll never forget you. From the boys at the fire station.’” Ryan Murphy

Tuesday

Joke
N°
5071

Belated Confession
A man in Amsterdam felt that he needed to confess, so he went to his priest.
"Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned,” he said. “During World War II, I hid a refugee in my attic."
"Well," said the priest. "That's not a sin."
"But I made him agree to pay me $20 for every week he stayed," the man explained.
"I admit that wasn't good, but you did it for a good cause," the priest replied.
"Oh, thank you, Father. That eases my mind,” the man said. “I have one more question, though."
"What is that, my son?" the priest inquired.
"Do I have to tell him the war is over?" Ryan Murphy

Wednesday

Joke
N°
5072

No Escape
A drunk left the bar at two o'clock in the morning and promptly walked into the nearest lamppost. Unable to see properly, he felt the post carefully with his hands and proceeded to walk around it three or four times. Finally he slumped down on the curb and buried his head in his hands.
"It's just no use," he sobbed. "I'm walled in!" Ryan Murphy

Insomnia
A man went to the doctor complaining of insomnia. The doctor gave him a thorough examination but found absolutely nothing physically wrong with him.
"Listen,” the doctor said, “if you ever expect to cure your insomnia, you just have to stop taking your troubles to bed with you."
"I know," said the man, "but I can't. My wife refuses to sleep alone." Ryan Murphy

Saturday

Joke
N°
5075

A Glass of Water
A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later, he calls out: "Da-ad!"
"What?" his father asks.
"I'm thirsty,” the boy says. “Can you bring me a glass of water?"
"No,” his father replies. “You had your chance. Lights out."
Five minutes pass, and the little boy calls out for his father again.
"What?" his father shouts.
"I'm thirsty,” the boy says. “Can I have a glass of water?"
"I told you no!” the father sternly replies. “If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!"
Five minute pass, and the little boy calls out for his father again.
"What?" his father asks.
"When you come in to spank me, can you bring me a glass of water?" Ryan Murphy

Sunday

Joke
N°
5076

It’s In The Bible
A preacher was telling his congregation that anything they could think of, old or new, was discussed somewhere in the Bible and that the entirety of the human experience could be found there.
After the service, he was approached by a woman who said: "Preacher, I don't believe the Bible mentions PMS."
The preacher replied that he was sure it must be there somewhere and that he would look for it. The following week, the preacher called the woman aside and showed her the PMS passage that read: "And Mary rode Joseph's ass all the way to Bethlehem." Ryan Murphy