Loss of my father

Lost my dad in March of 2013. He shot himself in the chest and sat in his recliner. I was the one that found him. It still feels fresh. We were best friends. And a lot of events leading up to that day were key factors. He only had me, and I feel like I didn't do my best to help him. Ever since then it see.s lime my life has been falling apart. I got diagnosed with type1 diabetes last year. And my health is suffering badly, not because of the diabetes. But because of the PTSD I'm still suffering from. I have nightmares every night. I' struggling every day. And I'm angry because of it.