Abi, 24, is a reservist, called up a month ago to help wage war against what his government says is a "terrorist infrastructure" whose suicide bombs have killed dozens of Abi's countrymen. But while Abi fights the Palestinians, he is also waging a war with his conscience.

Jerusalem -- For four days last week, Sgt. Abi ordered his squadron to

fire anti- tank missiles at what his commanders said were terrorist

bases in a refugee camp in the West Bank town of Jenin.

Watching the rickety plaster and mud-brick houses of the Palestinian

colony crumble under the rockets, Abi said he prayed that at least one

of his missiles would miss its target.

"This stupid war that we are waging, it's awful," he said. "Killing

people, as many as possible -- there is no point in this."

Abi, 24, is a reservist, called up a month ago to help wage war against

what his government says is a "terrorist infrastructure" whose suicide

bombs have killed dozens of Abi's countrymen. But while Abi fights the

Palestinians, he is also waging a war with his conscience.

"I can't begin to explain to you what we are going through right now. We

are doing something totally against what we believe in," he said. "For

you, it's a paradox. For us, it is killing us from inside."

Abi is in a minority, which he knows. "You cannot refuse to fight in the

Israeli society. It means jeopardizing everything," he said. Abi did not

want his real name used or other details of his peacetime life

disclosed. He does not want to be recognized, to be pegged as a traitor

in a nation under siege.

But he is not entirely alone. Conversations with other reservists on

active duty suggest that there are others who share the seeds of doubt.

Gai Rottenberg, one of the few who allowed his name to be used, has been