Tag Archives: Video

Last night in the moments between wake and sleep, the following question floated through my mind: “When were you last happy? Not content. Happy.”

Before I continue writing I feel pressed to say that I do not believe happiness or its pursuit is central to life, nor do I believe that joy and happiness are the same thing. Happiness is transient, while joy is a state of being. But there are those rare times when joy and happiness collide. And those moments are breathtaking in their ability to distill and display the beauty and simplicity of it all.

Now back to the question . . .

In my case that was not the most sleep-inducing thought. I flipped through the rolodex of images and memories collected over the last several years. There are countless moments filled with laughter, wonderment, excitement, and contented sighs brought on by the generosity and blessings of the day. But no moment stood out as being one defined by a sense of happiness.

Then two friends’ statements (one of which began with, “I have never seen you as happy as you were . . .”) crept into my thoughts. With each flick of the mental rolodex their statements resounded louder and louder and no image or memory seemed to measure up to the happiness I felt during the time referenced by their comments. I wondered if their statements were true (maybe that was the happiest I have ever been) or if I had allowed that time to become a behemoth whose shadow has blacked out other happy moments that have since transpired.

Which ever it may be, or perhaps the truth is a mixture of the two, I remain hopefilled that joy and happiness will collide again soon. And when they do, may I have my eyes and heart open wide enough to see, know and embrace it.

11.8.2010 – 4×4* — The only thing I could “concentrate” on was organizing the recipe binders and boxes I received from my grandma. I’m not sure what it was about the 1950s suburban housewife and the affinity for jello, mayonnaise, and shortening, but, needless to say, those recipes found a new home in the recycling bin.

While conducting a major purging/fall cleaning over the weekend, I came across the following poem I clipped from the Edinburghian literary magazine, Small Fry Magazine‘s first issue (Dec. 2001):

the first love

green light of river,
invertebrate night slipping
under water,

I know the distance of you,

the voice of you,

the hardly gone but absent heart
of you.

The balcony, a tree bleeds
spring
rain washed Bottlebrush hush of
afternoon school ten years past.

This is the first love, this
blue sky blue I
follow, awhisper, to the other life,
the time well
where
there is the silent curve of your
hand in my hair

where
breeching moons
reach for each other

and separate, a necessity of orbit.

I remember,
this place,
from which I rise like a phoenix,
a time blossom, born.

I am home,

this sunshine,

eye of this -my-life,
born, breaths,
first love,
old love,
love from earth opened
like a wound, fearless.
And you, and they, and love’s
trajectories, scars across continents,
the debris of this first love.
I gravitate to where I began.
Centrepoint,
and land like my heart beating.

************************
Blogtrack:THIS beautiful (and downloadable) mix courtesy of Michael of Threading in the Choirs. And THIS project supporting and showcasing the musical endeavors of several talented muscians.

Tomorrow morning I leave to spend the summer working amidst the beauty of Santa Cruz, the Pacific Ocean, and giant redwood trees. I will continue Project 365 but my ability to post photos (and any other thoughts) is likely be intermittent at best.

Summer blessings on you.

6.2.2010- A Thing for Telephone Wires (Irvine, CA)* — though I can’t stand the sound they emit

I am poignantly struck by the reality of and need for abandonment. Not abandonment in the selfish sense of giving up on responsibilities, people and relationships, throwing your hands in the air and simply walking away. I am talking about the abandonment of an inflated notion of control and self-importance, that somehow one can will everything to work out according to the master plan. The more I pause and look at the people, society and world around me, the more I see how this mentality has finagled its way into the individual and collective psyche.

The more I let go, the more I experience the deep, rich beauty and freedom that comes only with surrender.

The following two prayers of abandonment reflect the uncertainty of life and the sense of acceptance and freedom to truly live in the midst of not knowing:

Prayer of Abandonment

My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you and I hope that I have that desire in all that I am doing. And I know that if I do this, you will lead me by the right road although I may know nothing about it. Therefore, will I trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death, I will not fear, for you are ever with me and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.

~Thomas Merton, Thoughts in Solitude.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Prayer of Abandonment

Father, I abandon myself into your hands;
do with me what you will.
Whatever you may do, I thank you:
I am ready for all, I accept all.
Let only your will be done in me,
and in all Your creatures –
I wish no more than this, O Lord.Into your hands I commend my soul;
I offer it to you with all the love of my heart,
for I love you Lord,
and so need to give myself,
to surrender myself into your hands,
without reserve,
and with boundless confidence,

4.29.2010 – Dear Ralphs, one of the reasons I purchase organic produce is because the agricultural practices cause less trauma to the environment. Adding a bright yellow sticker, really detracts from that whole environmental thing. (Irvine, CA)*