When Donald Trump made a random appearance on Fox & Friends on Monday, June 10 (just because he could), he was asked the most pressing of questions: What did he think about the Miss World competition removing the bikini portion of its contest due to complaints from the Muslim community in Indonesia, where the pageant is being held?

"Well, I own Miss Universe so I'm actually very happy about it -- because if [Miss World] doesn't have bikinis, their ratings are gonna go right down the tubes," Trump told the smiling hosts. (FYI, he doesn't actually own the Miss Universe titleholder -- just the pageant that crowns her.)

When asked whether he'd give in to "Muslim sensitivities" as the Miss World pageant had to, Trump said the best option would be not to have the show there at all.

Then fellow stooge Steve Doocey followed up, asking, "So would it be safe to say that if Donald Trump is going to do a beauty pageant, people are going to be wearing bikinis?"

"I can guarantee it," promised Trump. (Thankfully, you couldn't see him leering over the phone.)

"What about a 'best burqa,' as a compromise?" Kilmeade closed, since burqas and one-piece swimsuits are totes the same thing.

"Wouldn't that be beautiful?" Trump disdainfully replied.

Remember, kids: If these competitions suddenly became about inner beauty, it would almost be like Osama Bin Laden didn't die at all.