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Brexit Booster for British Space Programme

Major toy manufacturer to sponsor innovative attempt to reach Moon before Richard Branson!

The Britsh space effort, which last year put a Chimpanzee on the Isle of Wight, has today received a massive post-Brexit shot in the arm.Perhaps better described as a magic elxir that revives the dead, the boost comes in the form of news that a major manufacturer will sponsor the construction of an all-British space station. The new station will be known as Missionary One on acount of the fact that its orbit will be geosynchronous and thus occupy just one position.

This is great news for the country - which recently gained its independence from the Belgian Empire and is now owned only by Nathan Rothschild and a consortium of no more than a hundred corporate oligarchs - and its Space Programme (known as Spexit).

Lego's new space station Missionary One

Previous efforts to build an all-British station have been hampered by logitical problems such as difficulty in finding metals and alloys made in Britain, not to mention parts, money, scientists and so forth.

The new sponsorship deal, thought to be worth in excess of £1 billion per annum, will change all that by ignoring the above-mentioned facts in the hope that they will go away.

The sponsor, Lego, is not actually British but despite being foreign, it will supplement its funding by also supply innovative construction materials in the form of interlocking components known as "blocks", "bits" and "shapes" that will bring much-needed adaptability and versatility to the problem of constructing rockets, shuttles, space stations, zero-gravity toilets and so forth

The space station is heralded as the first stepping stone to conquest of the Moon and the plunder of its

natural resources (mainly rock, deposits of which have become massively depleted on Earth since the invention of sea walls and gravel drives). The pillage and plunder of space is believed to be the way forward as the plunder of natural resources on Earth has tended to upset the people living on top of them - although anyone stupid enough to live on top of natural resources is, when you think about it, just asking for trouble.

The new construction materials will bring the plunder of other planets at affordable prices much closer by, for example, enabling a rocket to be built in days by a child of average intelligence, launched and then, once in orbit, disassembled by its crew (henceforth known as legonauts) and

reassembled in the form of a comfy space station.

Space is, scientists believe, all around us, which is quite worrying. The New Scientist has described it as a large vacuum with rocks in it and the previous British approach to space exploration of pretending not to look directly at it is to be phased out in favour of the more annoying American approach of glaring at it and threatening it with invasion.

The first of the new generation of Lego rockets is already under construction at a secret location in or near the postcode MM4 RU7.

Search for a suitable crew for the first mission, which brings with it a fifty-fifty chance of certain death or getting killed, whichever comes sooner, is to be fully democratic. The public will vote in a referendum on whom they would like to send into space.

Opinion polls released yesterday currently have Tony Blair as the front runner. Evidently well over 60% of Brits would vote for him to be sent into space and of these only 3% would approve the costly safety precaution of supplying him with oxygen.