Need advice re helping my 14 month old niece

My brother had a cerebral hemorrhage at birth. He is now 37 looks normal (minus bad hygiene) but has a bad temper, x-junkie, cognitively impaired (inability to cut his own nails, shave his face). His gf looks normal, never had testing done but is slow and a master manipulator. She is on a high dose of Zanex and 120mg of methadone daily. He taxes suboxone daily. They had a baby that I had to detox (it was so painful for her and awful). I had her full time for 5 months and since have had her 75% of the time. She is slightly delayed.

Where I need advice…my bro & his g/f are making the baby worse. They try, they love her but that’s not enough. Liz (g/friend) somehow got Dcf to close the case. She then cancelled EI services for baby. Baby Ava has been having seizures and they won’t tell doctor. Last time I told the doctor something confidential she filed a 51a on them and Liz made it so I can no longer converse w/doctor. Now when Ava is sick and I can’t reach them, I can’t call doctor. Ava is not getting treated for seizures or other issues and my bro paul and Liz are tearing my family apart. Every holiday is destroyed by them. They have become my full time job. I take them to their doctor specialist appointments, call insurance company for them, take care of their household, buy their clothes etc etc. I have zero help and need to keep Ava safe. Their apartment is not safe. I could go on and on. I did report all but seizures to Dcf. Gave them so much info and they did nothing at all. I think Liz got them to believe she is a great mom. I need advice desperately. My 12 year old daughter has high anxiety and is really suffering watching how they treat Ava. My brother is awful to my daughter. I threw him out of my house many times over it.

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Answers

Like Dr. Handel said, it would be very important as you with this situation for you to seek out family therapy for you and your daughter to make sure both of you can navigate through this process without falling apart. I would recommend you call Thriveworks’ support number that can be found on our website to find out which location is nearest to where you live and start there. At Thriveworks we will not put you on a waiting list. You may want to let your psychiatrist know we exist and schedule clients sometimes on the same they they call. You could use a therapist via insurance as we accepts most insurances. Please don’t hesitate to reach out and I wish you, your daughter, and your niece the best.

This situation with your brother is complicated and very stressful. It seems to have put you in a position to care for two families, his and yours. It may seem a bit heartless but I believe it is important to focus on your own daughter’s needs first. Be sure she receives treatment for her anxiety. If her uncle is a trigger for her symptoms, limit their interactions. This may be difficult for you because of your love for your brother and his child. But your greater impact will for your daughter.

I also highly recommend your find a counselor who is a good fit for you. The intricacies of this situation are too complex to address here satisfactorily. A personal counselor will guide you through this difficult situation with skill and care.

Thank you for your reply. I have tried to find a therapist, I am on several wait lists. My psychiatrist has even tried for me. Do you think the situation is too complicated for me to use a therapist thru here, via insurance/payment?