Quotes from "Peggy Makes the Big Leagues"
Written by Johnny Hardwick
Directed by Dominic Polcino

TUG: Number 33, David Kalaiki-Alii, the Flyin' Hawaiian! He says "aloha" to the end zone and "aloha" to the Temble Tigers! It means both hello and goodbye! My wife is Polynesian! Arlen High's unstoppable!

PEGGY: ...And the man walked around the world and said to the king, "Sir, I come from France." Cir-cum-france.

PEGGY: At Tom Landry Middle School, we would never think of extending special privileges to the athletes.
MARLON: Peggy, this isn't Middle School. This is real life. We've got college football coaches at our games, and they aren't coming to watch David draw a triangle.
MIRIAM: Don't worry, Peggy. David Kalaiki-Alii is unteachable anyway.
PEGGY: Unteachable?
MARLON: I spent six weeks in Health trying to get him to brush up and down. He's like a wall.

LUANNE: He's the Flyin' Hawaiian! Oh, if I were two years younger...
PEGGY: Well, first of all, he is your age. And second, David is considered a special case. They call him unteachable.
BOBBY: Well, you can't be good at everything.
HANK: You'd be surprised, Bobby. He plays offense and defense, and he returns punts.
PEGGY: It looks like Luanne isn't the only one with a crush on David. But you know what? He is just another student to me. No different from the nerds or the suck-ups.

BOOSTER: She flunked David and put him on three weeks' academic probation. You know what happens in those three weeks? San Marcos. Belton. McMaynerbury. McMaynerbury, Hank!

TUG: And another fumble from senior Charlie Maiken, who was named Arlen's scholar/athlete of the year! He's all yours, Princeton!

MR. STRICKLAND: I volunteer Strickland Propane to jump through this little loophole. David can work for me till the swallows come back from Capistrami.

HANK: Years from now, no one will remember what a hexagon is. But you win State, and that goes up on the water tower.

PEGGY: I am in over my head. What made me think that I could teach high school? I so wanted to be like "Welcome Back, Kotter." Now I'm like the real Gabe Kaplan. I am a loser.

"What I Love Most About Propane," by David Kalaiki-AliiStrickland Propene does not have a vending machine. It smells, and I thank God every day I get home that I didn't get exploded. The end.

PEGGY: I have diagnosed myself as having the early stages of single-digit carpal tunnel syndrome, or as I call it, "chalk finger."

PEGGY: Hank Hill, I am speechless. I literally have nothing to say. Not one word. Nada. Zilch. Zero. (beat) I don't know what you're waiting for.

MRS. KALAIKI-ALII: David is learning-disabled. He studies every day as soon he comes home from practice until he falls asleep every night. I usually come in and find him slumped over his desk, using that playbook you gave him as a pillow. He's a good boy, he just has trouble retaining anything. He deserves an A for effort, though.
PEGGY: No wonder even I couldn't teach him.
MRS. KALAIKI-ALII: Sports is all God gave David. And it's the only way he'll get to college.
HANK: Well, then, we're sorry to have disturbed you, Mrs. Kalaiki-Alii.
(Hank and Peggy leave.)MRS. KALAIKI-ALII: And the Oscar goes to... me!

DAVID: I guess if I'd worked harder, you guys wouldn't have been so willing to believe I was learning-disabled.
PEGGY: You're not? But that explains everything.

DAVID: I've been thinking about this "No pass, no play" stuff, and I've decided that if I don't pass, then I should no play.
PEGGY: You mean it?
DAVID: I probably should have something to fall back on. I mean, the odds of me not making pro are what, 50-50?