Cristina Odone is a journalist, novelist and broadcaster specialising in the relationship between society, families and faith. She is the director of communications for the Legatum institute and is a former editor of the Catholic Herald and deputy editor of the New Statesman. She is married and lives in west London with her husband, two stepsons and a daughter. Her new ebook No God Zone is now available on Kindle.

Valérie Trierweiler is treating her ousting like a Big Brother eviction. Now the fun starts

Hollande's spurned lover is treating her ousting like a Big Brother eviction. She has suffered excruciating public humiliations, like seeing photos of her lover astride a moped plastered across the gossip pages; hearing rumours about a love child on the way; and realising that her successor is prettier, younger and more famous (until now). In her fury, Valérie delivered the kind of scenes that TV producers ache for: she trashed a few rooms to the tune of 2.5 million euros (OK, the Palais denies it, so this may be "too good to check", as we journalists say) then was rushed into hospital "for depression".

Jealousy, vanity and hysteria: the Hollande scandal sparked them all, and Valérie had no trouble displaying raw emotion. In her YSL, surrounded by Sèvres porcelain, she was every bit as "vulgaire" as Jasmine, Casey or Emma.

But after surviving the horrors, as TV audiences know, Big Brother inmates reap the rewards of their ordeal. Same with Valérie. She wants the fame and fortune she believes she deserves. Being quite a lot brighter than the BB lot, the former First Lady is on her way to attaining both.

Her strategy is simple, but awesome. She has taken herself off to India, where she is engaged in "charity work". This is no "Eat, Pray, Love" moment, where our heroine spends months meditating in an ashram. No, Valérie in India is looking to repeat Princess Diana's Taj Mahal photo-shoot: the wronged woman sits alone in the most romantic spot on earth, willing the world to feel righteous sympathy on her behalf. Yes, François, it's payback time.

It's also a masterstroke. Henceforth, Valérie will sail through charity dos and developing world conferences, "feeling useful" as she feeds the poor – and the media. Hollande will be forced to acknowledge her contribution to world peace (and the gaiety of nations) and will end up either conferring the Légion d'honneur on his ex or giving her a high-profile job.

Yes, Valérie is playing the celebrity game beautifully. Should the next series of Big Brother need a French drama queen, they know where to go.