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July Novel Month - Novel No. 4 - R.I.P. Rest In Prime

Synopsis

A future based on inequality. An ageing population cannot be funded by government, putting the strain back on families to look after their own. Entire generations are crammed into single houses with the greatest amount of pressure on those at the bottom. The young.
Yet they don’t want to pay for the mistakes of the past. They want their turn.
Just as the Crustys had theirs.
Some believe that transformation can only be brought about through violence.
A new Mantra flourishes.Never Grow Old.
Teenage gangs instigate a campaign of terror.
But who is really behind it?

R.I.P. (Rest In Prime)

Aka 17 or 71

A Novel in 2 Parts. The first through the eyes of the Young, the second, the Elderly.

17 year old Barak and his 3 friends are your typical teens, looking for fun, sex and drugs. But this is not a time of freedom. All Youth must leave school early to work; such is the burden of an aged population. The Youth have had enough. They would rather die in their Prime than grow old. All they want is a piece of the lifestyle the ‘Crustys’ once had.
One night Barak leads his small gang on an escapade of intimidation, but it goes terribly wrong. He is given a choice, incarcerated for life or preserve his ‘pastime’ and dramatically up the ante.
So begins a secret life, instigating a crusade of brutality. Even a puppet realises someone is pulling the strings, but who?
The city erupts into violence. Discrimination reaches new lows. And they said it would never happen again.
But something unexpected befalls Barak. Something that will impact on his life and those close to him, forever.

It’s Our Turn Now.

Part 2 centres on 71 year old Ginny, her husband, lover, grandson and a burgeoning collection of Freedom Fighters. They face sanctioned genocide. But with those in power having a vested interest, is their mission pointless? Theirs is the only sense in a world gone crazy until they have internal problems of their own. How did it all come to this? Is this the way of the future?

Part 1
Youth – Barak

"You cannot make a revolution with silk gloves."

Stalin

Chapter 1

Babes & Boulevards

The problem with Revolution is that not all of its participants are willing.
Or even aware that it has begun.

It is early evening in the suburbs. The streets are featureless, dark, except for the radiance emanating from a Trans-Taxi shelter and the mixture of people who congregate there, notably in 2 groups. They are divided not by race or sex, but by age. The young and the rest.
4 young men, around 18 years old, emerge from the shadows, heading towards the shelter like moths to the light. Each wears an entertainment/communication wrist pad, known as IKO’s (iKayobyoshi Orbiter named after it’s Japanese inventor), as many of the young do, and are jacked into the same frequency. They rock to the same beat, that by Caralex, just 1 of the bands in the Embryonic music movement, made strictly by, and for, the Under 25’s.
On their way to the Trans-Taxi the 4 youths had run through the front yards of various properties, setting off a myriad of lights and alarms and bio flashes, which had sent their bio prints to Central Data Storage. They realise this of course but do not care. The young are few, the young are privileged. Unless they commit a serious crime, they can get away with almost anything.
One of them, Barak, makes his distinction as leader known purely by being in front of the group. A few people look at them, queue jumpers, but are quick to turn away. 2 of the young men seem as though they could be reasonable but the other 2 have purpose. And that makes all them worth avoiding.
Barak is stretching his upper body, trying to make the most of his adequate frame. ‘That girly Mash better watch out. Gridville is where I thrive.’
‘Don’t you mean, where the girls hide?’ says Sewl, the number 2 and the only 1 who can challenge Barak in this way.
‘Be careful brother,’ Barak says. ‘You would if you could but trouble is, they won't.’ He laughs.
The driverless Trans-Taxi arrives. It is the young who get on first while the older people linger in the shelter. The young moan for the Crustys to hurry up but once full, the doors close and the remaining people, all older, must wait for the next transport.
The Trans-Taxi (T.T.) reads their bio prints and subtracts a small fee from all passengers, the young being entitled to cheaper fares. The young also take up all the seats, leaving the rest to stand.
Amidst the crowd of 60 or so Barak spots an attractive girl towards the rear. He rises from his seat. A man carrying an old hessian bag in his early 50’s, and therefore a Crusty, makes for the fresh vacancy.
‘Don’t think about it rusty Crusty!’
The man looks at Barak, resentment flashing in his eyes, but hurriedly turns away, giving a single shake of his head.
Barak’s mouth drops. His number 2 in Sewl grins. The others, Kevin and the youngest, Bry appear a little more concerned. They know what this potentially means.
‘Did you see what I seen?’ Barak is almost cheerful.
Sewl nods, excitement levels rising.
‘Hey! CrustiFuk!’
The man doesn’t turn, instead grasping the light tube that has burrowed down from the ceiling after sensing his standing form.
Others back away, clearing a path, leaving the man isolated. Surrounded by people, he’s never felt so alone.

12 comments:

Great concept and I like the way you have opened. Good descriptive words that transport me there. I wonder though if it would be worth cutting back on the words it seems a little busy it feels like it should be a little more bare which would make it more frightening it just feels a bit busy in a few places for example the second last sentence feels too long and I am nit sure whose standing form is being sensed. Great work though and can't wait to read more when it's published.

Thanks so much for dropping by. It's great to hear what others think and I'm always open to criticism. Thank you for your feedback. And let's hope I can get it into a publisher's hands. I think the subject matter is pertinent to issues being raised now.

Hi Anthony! I have to stongly desagree with the first comment. That's the new deal with publishers. Cut, cut, cut. To the point where you can't understand a thing. It's a rip off to the writter and his fans. I guess mr Anonymous didn't read Proust! " A la recherche du temps perdu ".. One book, 6 volumes, about 2400 pages! But that's the key. The key to a work of art. PERTINENT details are essencial. they say a lot about you through the characters. It's important for the reader. It's like the book starting with a funeral. If it works in the movies why should it be suicided in a book? this is BS! The publishers want a great deal of money on 50 pages! it doesn't work. yes, they're saving money, and destroying the writer's soul. Because that's what a book is all about!

Thanks so much Arielle. I hear what you're saying. Long books are rarely published these days, unless by a established succesful author. people have less patience these days. I write fairly sparingly as it is. I don't write long descriptions but you do need to establish scenes and characters. It's a balance.

And yes, its a big business now and much harder for writers. Couldnt agree with you more.

I found the use of numbers ie 2, 4, instead of two and four interesting. Was that deliberate? ie it is all about age and numbers?

Bit of an overuse of "the" I thought.

Rather than writing the story in two parts have you thought about having one chapter young, the next old and so on - because my immediate reaction to the first part of the story is to get the old persons point of view.

At the moment in Australia, the old person or baby boomers view of the world rules - simply because of their numbers, so I would be interested in seeing how they let their will be subverted by the smaller number of young in the story.

The problem with Revolution is that not all of its participants are willing. Or even aware that it has begun.<<< I would omit this as an opening because it assumes a subjective stance from the writer. (Then again, it might be intentional)

Your use of numbers as digits is interesting, but for an old soul like me my preference is to use the word "one" and not "1". Then again, I understand it as an expression of a time your story is in.

Your use of word "Crustys" is harsh, disrespectful and almost politically offensive. Clearly "Crustys" are symbolic of a scourge the earth is now filled with, and in which the young have to support. God forbid! Never mind that the "Crustys" are the ones that gave birth to the "young."

Do you really want a future in which the young refer to you as a CrustiFuk?

Overall, you have created a very good visual in the delivery of this story. The use of "strong" words such as "Crusty" and the use of numeric's is reflective of a future time and place. Instantly I am transported into a realm that is the opposite to what I am familiar with and I am at the same time, outraged by the "youth" of this realm who have created a world in which they set the rules.

It is intriguing and it demonstrates a reflection of the kind of world in which we are slowly heading toward if we don't make careful consideration of the aged and the weak. After all, even the young one day will become old "Crustifuk's." LMAO!

I understand what youre saying about the subjective view. It's purpose was to pinpoint what was to come. When you submit to a publisher, if you can get beyond the 'query email', all they want is the first few chapters and the novel doesnt begin with the revolution. If the book was published, some of this extra information would be on the back cover anyway, so I would probably remove that line.

Crusty's is indeed a nasty term... and this is the point. We've all been young and I've known people who have said they would rather die than grow old and it's this type of mentality which (partly) inspired the story.

I too am outraged, particularly when I hear of crimes by the young against the old as does happen, those cowards who target the weak. And of course, the shoe will inevitably be swapped to the other foot, something they are too shortsighted to see.

I think there is much to be discussed from this book and it would be a terrible waste and a missed opportunity if it weren't published.

Hey Anthony. I will be going through some of your older posts in the coming days since I am new to your blog and still haven't read the old stuff. Hope that is alright with you. I know for some writers after they write new material they progress so much that the older works don't seem to measure up, but still I like reading older writings to see how the writer has grown and evolved. In a way it gives more raw insight into the writer's personality, I really enjoy that.

This particular post reminds me of an article I was writing recently about the US loans and budgets. Since Social Security, MediCal, etc. are federal insurances that people pay into, essentially it is all money that the government may need to pay back in future. So the US government is not only living off money borrowed from China, it is also living off money borrowed from its own people. I don't blame senior citizens if there is a lack of senior benefits in future, the citizens are victims of this compulsory insurance policy that they are forced to pay into even though much of it seems to be based on false promises. But yes as per your post, the effects are going to trickle down to the youth as well in future.

Hey Anthony. I will be going through some of your older posts in the coming days since I am new to your blog and still haven't read the old stuff. Hope that is alright with you. I know for some writers after they write new material they progress so much that the older works don't seem to measure up, but still I like reading older writings to see how the writer has grown and evolved. In a way it gives more raw insight into the writer's personality, I really enjoy that.

This particular post reminds me of an article I was writing recently about the US loans and budgets. Since Social Security, MediCal, etc. are federal insurances that people pay into, essentially it is all money that the government may need to pay back in future. So the US government is not only living off money borrowed from China, it is also living off money borrowed from its own people. I don't blame senior citizens if there is a lack of senior benefits in future, the citizens are victims of this compulsory insurance policy that they are forced to pay into even though much of it seems to be based on false promises. But yes as per your post, the effects are going to trickle down to the youth as well in future.

Thank you N. I think this is a pertinent issue in many places in the Western world right now. It's a growing burden. Perhaps if we adopted some of the practices from other countries who take care of their elderly, we wouldn't have this problem. I think we will see more elderly staying with relatives a lot longer. It's just not affordable, nor sustainable. Unless there is major change.

Bio

A.J. Langford grew up in a town of 600, somehow ended up in London and now lives in Sydney. Aside from writing, he's a Television Editor, Video Producer and an Aged Care Recreational Officer. He's created short films, music videos, video poetry and directed short plays. Many stories and poems have been published in many countries from the U.S. to Europe, Asia and Australasia.

Books: He has written four small books (see links under Header) and a collaboration with an Italian artist, For Your Pleasure (2015).

He's written seven novels which remain unpublished though plans to release some of them from 2019 onwards.