What you sound like to a Sysadmin

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We all know that what we say is only a part of what we actually communicate.

Like a good doctor, a trained Sysadmin starts an assessment and diagnosis of your problem before you even reach their desk (and then, in some cases, come round the desk, lean over, read everything on the monitor and then touch it for no reason – you know who you are).

Whatever you say, the chances are they’ve heard it before, believed it, been burned, and vowed never to believe it again.

So whatever you think you said, think again: they’re onto you!

Today, in the spirit of better understanding the common language that divides us, we’re celebrating Sysadmin Day with a simple guide to understanding what Sysadmins actually hear when we speak.

“You don’t look very busy”

I’m going to make whatever you’re concentrating on much harder by talking to you while you do it.

“This will only take you a minute.”

I secretly think your job is really easy.

“I’m sure this won’t take long.”

Clear your schedule.

“I tried to fix it myself.”

I have made it much, much worse.

“I already tried that ten times.”

I actually recognised one of the words you said when you started speaking and after that I stopped listening.

“The computer deleted my file.”

I deleted my file.

“This wouldn’t have happened if we used Macs.”

Macs. Because shiny!

“You’re pretty good with computers, right?”

The next thing I say will be can you fix my personal laptop / tablet / phone / lawnmower / cat, in your own time, for free?

“Is it possible to delete an email after you’ve sent it?”

Get some popcorn, this is going to be good…

“I think the firewall is blocking me.”

I don’t know what a firewall does but I like the word so I just threw it in there as a sort of garnish. You can probably rule out the firewall.

“Is there something wrong with Exchange?”

I have done something stupid to my email.

“Why does this always happen?”

This is the second time this has happened to me! I forgot to tell you the other time. If this is my fault, I’ll forget this one too.

I’ve got big plans for this laptop. You’ll have to burn it to the ground when I’m done with it.

There is one word that always cuts through the hardened carapace of experience, though – Thanks! – and it’s the only one we need today, because today is Sysadmin Day!

It’s a great day for putting ourselves in other peoples’ shoes, and then taking those shoes for a walk to the IT department, handing out pizza and saying, “Thanks, you earned it, you guys are rock stars.”

I once disconnected our conference room’s standard PC from the in-house streaming video system to accommodate for a guest speaker’s (surprise! I brought my own computer!) MacBook. As if his sales presentation was CIA-top-secret, he refused to use our computer.

And the laptop refused to send any video to our system for the projector.

This was one of the first times I’d ever touched OSX, and I delighted in working to the merriment of the already-gathered lecture attendees to navigate an unfamiliar UI to resolve an issue.

One member of Mr. Mac’s entourage was named Helpy McHelperton and knew immediately how mistaken I was, since Macs will magically detect the presence of new technologies no matter what the type and “just work” with them. He said twice–he didn’t believe me the first time–“I think it’s this cable here.” I told him no; that’s the computer that’s normally connected, which I’ve unplugged so we could connect the laptop.

“Well it *couldn’t* be the Mac.”

I stoically resisted strangling him and after a few minutes found the Mac’s display settings–of course no one present including the owner had any idea how to do this.

I got the show rolling and found that my junior sysadmin was curiously absent as the presentation began. It’s probably a good thing; I might not have resisted as well the impulse to ask if he still found the Mac completely inculpable.

This article sounds like it was written by the guy at my work who advocates Windows and hates the guys out of apple.

Two types of sysadmins exist in my opinion. Those who like to take shortcuts and make their lives easy. And those who care about the satisfaction of all the employees utilising the network/infrastructure.

Forget about servers. If the admins are good and have ample resources, they can make any system work. The desktops are important. So: Large companies who mainly use Macs? Here you go:

IBM: http://www.foxnews.com/tech/2015/10/19/ibm-goes-apple-helpdesk-calls-way-down-compared-to-windows.html
Or Microsoft. (except for the Windows devel teams of course)
Or Google. https://www.quora.com/Why-do-Google-employees-prefer-using-Macs-over-PCs-in-the-workplace
But Google also uses a lot of Linux (Ubuntu modified) in the office. Their server infrastructure is all Linux anyway. (Especially the public part, ie. google.com.)
Or Facebook: https://www.quora.com/Do-Facebook-engineers-use-Mac-OS-X-Linux-or-Windows-Do-they-use-laptops-or-desktops-Why?share=1
Twitter too, I heard, but I can’t find the story right now.

Or just about any other modern engineering or web software development company.

Mac desktops *are* less IT support hungry than Windows machines. Even if the servers are not Macs. (OS X Server still exists, but a competent admin can get the same functionality in a Linux machine far cheaper, so why bother?) In the Mac shops above, the servers are often Linux based, but also Windows servers exist.

I have done system administration in the past and now work for a company that has >100k employees and the office infrastructure is almost all Windows – and it is complete utter chaos and bug hell. Especially now that everything has been “upgraded” to “$whatever 2013” we *additionally* get daily calls with people complaining about the ugly grey on grey UI.

“Just tell me what to do”. Yes, I’d much rather tell you a long string of commands to type in, and watch when you hit the enter key only halfway through entering most of them, that would be so much better than you getting out of your chair and letting me sit down and do it myself.

“Oh, you have to wipe it and reinstall the OS? That means you’re going to delete everything? Yeah that’s fine, do whatever you need to fix it.”
leads to “Where are all my pictures and music? You deleted them, why? I didn’t say you could do that!”

User: Oh, I think the network must be down!
Me: Hmmmmm … seems to be working here [my office, two doors down from the user]
User: Well, I can’t even get my computer to boot …
Me: That’s strange … Ummmm, did the cleaning crew unplug it again??
User: [Brief silence] Oops … yeah, I guess that’s what happened. Sorry.
Me. No problem.

Sysadmin: Did you follow the instructions?
User: Yes and it still doesn’t work

Which translates to:

Sysadmin: Did you follow the instructions?
User: Yes, but I skipped the ones i didn’t understand and for some reason it still doesn’t work.

p.s. when we ask you to “turn it off and on again” we aren’t joking! it restarts services, drivers and many more things that you don’t understand, it isn’t just us not knowing how to fix it! (most of the time).

I am not a Sysadmin. I’m just a normal person who is a computer junkie. I laughed at these, too. Yes, I have said one or two of those things to our IT people at work. It’s nice to know that they can see through me, and that they are good to me, anyway.

Our IT group totally rocks, by the way. I work at a university, and our department’s IT people are probably the best around. I try to tell them, occasionally, how much I appreciate them, and I hope the other staff members, officers, faculty and students do, too (although I won’t hold my breath on that one).

Hmm. Maybe that’s one reason I always get prompt service whenever I have a problem!

Just re-read (including comments new and old) after finding this in the yearly wrap-up (missed an email or two in the past days…). Laughed a few times and bookmarked it, I’m sure I’ll need it in the year to come.

Glad to hear (thanks, Browser) I’m not the only one re-reading this highly cathartic post from time to time. Great stuff.

Computer basics are easily grasped and conceal how truly complex operations are under the hood. This leads some users into grossly overestimating their comprehension.

I imagine builders see identically-comical frustrations. No one will ever assume they watched enough Discovery Channel to perform brain surgery, but many of us have done minor home improvement. I can wire 3-way electrical, mount workout gear, and replace a door; after a well-executed DIY project I might similarly overqualify my own skillset. I expect many a master tradesman has heard, “well I could buy the materials for $500; why are you charging me $3000?”

Hah. Because your rear patio will collapse within two years if you do it without me.

Army officer: Hey Sarge my left mouse button doesn’t work.
Sarge: Sir, did you try pressing it harder.
Army officer: Do you think in an idiot Sarge.
Sarge: Of course not sir let me look at it…. Click click….. Good to go sir, just press it a little harder, have a great day.