Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Texting codes for senior citizens is bit different than what we teens have been using texting codes like LOL, OMG, TTYL, etc. Not to be outdone by these little SNK (snotty nosed kids) Finally senior citizens can have their own texting codes! Glad you senior citizens will use these texting codes extensively ....

Texting Codes for Senior Citizens as follows:

ATD - At the Doctor's

BFF - Best Friend's Funeral

BTW - Bring the Wheelchair

BYOT - Bring Your Own Teeth [this one is very hilarious]

CBM - Covered by Medicare

CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center

DWI - Driving While Incontinent

FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers

FWIW - Forgot Where I Was

FYI - Found Your Insulin

GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low

GHA - Got Heartburn Again

IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?

LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out

LOL - Living on Lipitor

LWO - Lawrence Welk's On

OMMR - On My Massage Recliner

ROFL..CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!

TOT - Texting on Toilet

TTYL - Talk to You Louder

WAITT - Who Am I Talking To?

WATP - Where are the Prunes

WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil

Hope these help!

GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking in!

If you guys come up with some more texting codes which can help our senior citizens text their loved ones, feel free to comment on this post so that i can continuously update this post.

Monday, April 16, 2012

Sunday, April 15, 2012

A Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember .. Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. 'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks. 'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?' 'Sure..' 'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?' she asks. 'No, I can remember it.' 'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so as not to forget it?' He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.' 'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?' she asks. Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!' Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, The old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.. She stares at the plate for a moment. 'Where's my toast ?'

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great.. I would recommend it very highly.' The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?' The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know.... The one that's red and has thorns..' 'Do you mean a rose?' 'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?'

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Defense Attorney: What is your age?
Little Old Woman: I am 86 years old.
Defense Attorney: Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened to you?
Little Old Woman: There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm
spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside
me.
Defense Attorney: Did you know him?
Little Old Woman: No, but he sure was friendly.
Defense Attorney: What happened after he sat down beside you?
Little Old Woman: He started to rub my thigh.
Defense Attorney: Did you stop him?
Little Old Woman: No, I didn't stop him.
Defense Attorney: Why not?
Little Old Woman: It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Abner passed away
some 30 years ago.
Defense Attorney: What happened next?
Little Old Woman: He began to rub my br easts.
Defense Attorney: Did you stop him then?
Little Old Woman: No, I did not stop him.
Defense Attorney: Why not?
Little Old Woman: Why, Your Honor, his rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I
haven't felt that good in years!
Defense Attorney: What happened next?
Little Old Woman: Well, I was feeling so spicy that I just spread my old legs and said to
him, "Take me, young man, Take me!"
Defense Attorney: Did he take you?
Little Old Woman: Hell, no. That's when he yelled, “April Fool!” And that's when I shot
the son of a bitch!

================================================
The District Attorney stared at the jury, unable to believe its verdict.
Bitterly he asked, “What possible excuse could you have for acquitting this man?”
The foreman answered, “Insanity.”
The D.A. said, “All twelve of you???”

================================================
“I have good news and bad news,” a defense attorney told his client. “First, the bad news.
The blood test came back, and your DNA is an exact match with the sample found on the
victim's dress.”
“Oh, no - I'm ruined!”" cried the client. “What's the good news?”
“Your cholesterol is down to 140!”

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Walker, was having trouble with one of her students.The teacher asked, 'Johnson, what's your problem?'Johnson answered, 'I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd gradeand I'm smarter than she is! I think I should?be in the 3rd grade too!'

Ms. Walker had had enough. She took Johnson to the principal's office.

While Johnson waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principalwhat the situation was. The principal told Ms. Walker he would give the boy atest. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1stgrade and behave. She agreed.

Johnson was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed totake the test.Principal: 'What is 3 x 3?'Johnson: '9.'

Principal: 'What is 6 x 6?'Johnson: '36.'

And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader shouldknow.The principal looks at Ms. Walker and tells her, 'I think Johnson can go to the3rd grade.'

Ms. Walker says to the principal, 'Let me ask him some questions.'The principal and Johnson both agreed.

Ms. Walker asks, 'What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?'Johnson, after a moment: 'Legs.'Ms Walker: 'What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?'The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!Johnson replied: 'Pockets.'Ms. Walker: 'What does a dog do that a man steps into?'Johnson: 'Pants..'Ms. Walker: What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious andcontains thin, whitish liquid?'Johnson: 'Coconut.'The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.Ms. Walker: 'What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?'The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer,Johnson replied, 'Bubble gum.'Ms. Walker: 'What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?'Johnson: 'Shake hands.'The principal was trembling.Ms. Walker: 'What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot ofheat and excitement?'Johnson: 'Firetruck.'The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, 'Put Johnson in thefifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong.....'

Sunday, April 1, 2012

My mother lives 10 minutes from me and i drove to her house well she was at work went in and cut the power to her house by simply turning off the breakers.. Mom got home from work and instead of checking the breaker box she calls penalec.. 3 hours later they show up test her lines and everything saying power is coming into the house and the guy checks the breaker box.. he said ma'am your breakers were all turned off..

So he simply flipped them back on and gave my mother a slip of paper.. This paper stated "40 dollar truck charge." I call my mom and found out what happened and I told her April Fools.. She tells me about the slip of paper with the ammount need to pay for it.. I felt bad went over and gave her the 40 dollars and she takes it and looks at me and says april fools and slams the door in my face!

:)

I told my mate that I was going to be a daddy (I'm 17) and she believed me till i said 'APRIL FOOLS' like 4hrz later. wbu wbb?