I'm lost in my own mind. My sanity is probably shipwrecked between the waves of imagination and the rocky formations of logic, but I haven't yet discovered the devestation since it is only the beginning of a raging tempest in my mind.

Monday, April 12, 2010

Feeling a bit stuck

Life has officially caught up with me to say the least. During my spring break I applied for a job at the local supermarket and low and behold I got the job with very little effort. I was certainly expecting to come up against walls and barricades of all sorts, but it was as easy as pie. I'm not saying that I think the economy has fully recovered but I do think that everything is looking a bit brighter for everyone else. I can't say as much for myself. I'm in school all day and working all evening and I'm on my feet constantly through all of it and my ANs (Accessory Naviculars) aren't too happy with that right now.
I am really not very happy with my family right now. I feel like I've let them down and now they are just making everything worse by letting me down. I want everyone in my family to make the right choices, and most of the time I think they do. But it seems that once one person starts going down everyone else tries to catch them and everyone ends up bombed at the bottom. Its a sticky situation, but we all need to stick to our guns or give up altogether.
What this family needs to realize is that we don't have the capabilities to take on more than we can chew. As its going right now we are heading into an all-you-can-eat buffet with full mouths. It is so ridiculously selfish to think that we can handle a shitstorm like this. There are people out there who want to be parents! They have been waiting all their lives for a chance to have a little baby girl and thus far have not been able to have one. What do we have? No house, we're sqatters on a pig sty in the middle of Davey Crocket's backyard, no jobs, failing school, no responsibility, no goals, and no personal boundaries. Why do we think we can handle a baby? Because we have love and family sticks together? Love does not feed mouths, and family is already torn to tatters trying to keep us afloat and kind of failing thus far. For someone who can't properly raise a dog or keep decent grades, a baby just doesn't fit in the puzzle.
Now let's get one thing clear: I don't think raising a child is going to fail (at least not right away). But any kid raised by teenage parents is not going to be a shining gold star in society. I want you to imagine if your parents were teenagers when you were little. Imagine all the angst, stress, tantrums, and general immaturity. They aren't going to have time to spend with you because they have social lives to keep up. You're going to be neglected. Daddy ain't gonna stick around for long because he doesn't have the motivation, time, or maturity to take on the responsibility. That is going to make you think that it's okay to act the same way as you grow up. It's not the environment you would want to grow up in, so why do you want to raise your kid that way?
There is a family out there who wants to be parents, or maybe they already are and they want another. They have a house, jobs, parenting skills, and a big empty yard ready to be filled with toys. Letting a baby grow up in a stable house with a prepared family doesn't mean that you won't ever see her again. You can stay in touch with the family always and you know that one day when she is all grown up she will surely want to meet you and find out everything about you. I can't imagine that she would rather have stayed with you assuming that she's smart (and you know she will be) she'll realize that you had to make a decision to better suit her health. This kid needs to grow up in an environment that is STABLE and RELIABLE and PREPARED.
Please.... please make the decision that has the BEST possible outcome for the baby.