Rough economic times are impacting everyone in the retail world, including those uber pretentious undie/bra execs at Victorias Secret. Perhaps the only person who can save the egocentric VS owner Leslie Wexner from going bust is the Israeli Massad or burlesque queen Dita Von Teese, who buys lingerie at the exorbitant rate Wexner and his cronies consume expensive meals at fancy restaurants while their beloved Limited Brands sinks at the whims of terrible management. READ MORE

I vote they take a more innovative approach to their stock a la Pam of the Office…need more hand towels? Cut up a Viccie Secret bathrobe…this tack should get the environmentalists on board too, recyclable sexy.

At this stage of the game, I highly doubt that the divine Ms. Von Teese has to “buy” her own unmentionables.

Personally, I think that indeed an ad campaign built around her style, personae and sensibility could be a boost to the company. Their product has become everyday wear, with one less and less highly publicized, glamorous, televised runway show a year.

Ms. Von Teese would be an ideal candidate to once again elevate their product from everyday wear purchased in shopping malls to something more special.

Les Wexler, CEO of Limited Brands, may have strong ties to Israel but it’s doubtful even Mossad can save the company’s unkosher financial bacon—short of an undercover op to cover up the junk in LB’s trunk.

Victoria’s Secret is LB’s biggest brand, a cash cow worth about 65% of the company’s gross revenue. Moody’s rates Limited Brands’ senior unsecured debt as one step away from junk status. That’s where LB may land in light of the company’s announcement of a $250 million share buyback. Then there’s the 6% drop in company sales compared to the same time last year.

Tough times mean that the apparel industry’s going to be cutthroat. Underwear and lingerie have traditionally maintained strong sales during slumps, but brands need to tone down the frills and listen to what increasingly frugal shoppers want to see in their skimpies.

There are pros and cons to hiring someone like Dita Von Teese to promote the VS brand, and one of the cons is that she’s a pro. One the one hand, she is recognizable. But is media overexposure good for brand exclusivity? Plus it’s one thing to sell a fantasy, and quite another to hit people over the head with it. Isn’t the whole burlesque getting a bit tired anyway? It’s something we associate with high-flying good times, but now people are going demand more for their money than a wink and a nod; they’re going to want an assurance of value and quality—even in a pantie.

One group VS should consider exploiting are cross-dressers. As media coverage of trans this and trans that continues to build, VS coverage of men who like to lady it up makes sense. Victor/Victoria’s Secret anyone?