Search

One of the good old Bach essences. This little blue flower gives us the kind of energy, that people need, who are too demanding. Such people do not only feel but really believe that they are the centre of the world. For a while this is absolutely alright when growing up, it is just the way children see themselves in the world: they close their eyes and think nobody can see them. They have not yet made the next step meaning to notice that there is a world other than their personal one, that works independently from them. Yes, people have their own needs and desires, no mater what the child thinks. Taking a look at the plant‘s signature makes clear, that its essence is especially for children: the flowers open in the morning and close at noon. The morning is the analogy of childhood. The essence is most powerful then.

The personality of a Chicory type can be described as follows: he is the center of the universe. When he cries, mum has to rush. Of course this pattern of behaviour is necessary in one‘s baby days, it is simply a survival skill. But if you do not grow beyond that stage, you will definitely have trouble in relationships later in their lives. In addition to this egocentrical point of view a kind of miserliness makes interactions with such people even more difficult. They always ask: and what do I get in return? The source of such mental pattern is the belief of lack. There is not enough for all of us. When I give you something, I shall miss it. So what do I get in return? The idea of giving away anything just to see the joy in the face of the other does not belong to the Chicory type‘s universe. To do anything for someone else? Just so? No way! Such person starts to count, I gave you this, you gave me that, I did this, you did that. The idea arises that someone owes me, when I give him something.

Sometimes a person accepts a gift from a Chicory type, not knowing that Chicory never makes gifts. He just enjoys it, smiles and says thank you and does not waste any idea about paying back. A gift is a gift, if I have to pay back it is a purchase. Chicory however reacts hurt, square and piqued – and nobody understands. Chicory prefers to sow feelings of guilt, using expressions like „...after all what I did for you!!“. The idea behind a present given by a Chicory type is to make others dependant. If the other simply enjoys and smiles the gift was wasted.

Chicory does not love to dispense privileges, even if it is a caring mother and he himself already 20 years old. However every child has to make one step after the other towards independance and new social behaviour skills, may this feel difficult or not. It is a must in the human development. Every child finds it irritating to be „thrown out of the family“, having to go to the kindergarten and learn to know how groups work. Parting always hurts. The children however who use to cry as loud and lasting as possible, when having to leave home – surely they are of the Chicory type. At home it is so good, everything is fine, mother does everything I want, she is always around me – why the hell should I leave this paradise? In order to do more by myself? I hate to bind my shoes myself! Kindergarten is torture. I hate you sending me there. And so on and so on. What can I say, it is Chicory...

Taking a closer look makes us realise that insecurity, lack of self-consciousness and the belief in lack can cause such behaviour patterns. The basis is the core belief that one has no worth. The Chicory state makes one believe one has to do something in order to deserve whatsoever. Why should anyone help me or give me a present? Myself I have not deserved anything, so consequently I feel the need to do or give anything back. I do not get a present for what I am but for what I do. This is the big error of Chicory. If I behave well I get my candy. If you turn this belief around you get: if I get my candy I have to behave well. That makes it very hard for the Chicory type to accept any present or help. They cannot enjoy the candy, since they know they shall get the bill later. How then can they enjoy the gift? It seems so poisoned.

Chicory gives us the flower essence for children who refuse to grow up and accept the reality. They have to go through the difficult stage of detaching. If they fail the essence can help. A person being stuck in early childhood days cannot interact uninhibitedly with others. They cling to their partners and can even develop a desire to control them. Let me give you an example from my own practice: a couple lived in a house outside the town. No street lead to their house but only a field-path. This gave the man the opportunity to control his girlfriend by simply drawing a line across the field-path with a stick. So he always knew whether his girlfriend left the house (by car) during his absense or not. He also wrote down her car‘s mileage so he could be sure how far she had driven meanwhile. Once she left the house, let us say to go shopping, and did not return within 30 minutes he started to call all family members and friends in order to find out where she was. These desperate tries to keep his girlfriend of course lead to the direct opposite. She could not stand his behaviour, packed her bags and left. This however he took as confirmation of his lack of worth, again a woman had left him, again he felt miserable and as a result he struggled even harder to keep his next girlfriend which unfortunately worked like a short-cut to a relationship‘s ending. She left much earlier than her predecessors. A vicious circle.

So if you want your child to become independant and self-reliant, you should not hesitate to throw your child into the cold water (a German saying, I hope you understand what it means) – sooner or later he or she will start to swim. May the yelling be heart-rending, you do not do your child a favour when you protect him from the world. On the contrary: throw her into the world and you shall notice she will grow. If you want to make it easier for your child (and also the the grumbling and whiny child within yourself), accept the gift that Chicory gives us.