Linda Castor: Tips for losing holiday stress, not your mind

Wednesday

Nov 30, 2011 at 12:01 AMNov 30, 2011 at 9:33 PM

I regroup and ask myself, “What kind of an experience do I want to have this year?” And then I make it happen. Here are some ideas on how to create a great, stress-free holiday experience for yourself and others:

Linda Castor

As soon as I hear the first Christmas tune of the season, I always think, “This will be the best holiday ever!”

I get excited just thinking about all the baking, parties and planning of our gatherings, and before I know it, I’ve overwhelmed myself. Again.

Then, the loss sets in. I remember people I’ve loved over the years who are no longer with us. And the sadness floods my brain, like a powerful tsunami.

Before I completely fall into an emotional abyss, I remind myself that I know how to prevent these feelings from taking me down. You, too, can learn how to deal with anxiety, sadness and other sensations that crop up during the holidays.

The feeling of being overwhelmed can trigger a chain reaction of emotions. When we feel vulnerable, a part of us believes that a bad thing will happen to us if something doesn’t get done or happen, or worse: the world will end. So, the best course of action is to embrace all your feelings and know that they come from a place of fear and insecurity from a long time ago. This may seem counterintuitive, but it’s a great strategy.

Instead of keeping busy to avoid feelings — which eventually causes you to succumb to stressful events — it’s best to face them head on. Just being aware that we live in a toxic fishbowl of hurried madness, and perfectionism helps to reel me in and reassess my own situation.

I regroup and ask myself, “What kind of an experience do I want to have this year?” And then I make it happen.

Here are some ideas on how to create a great, stress-free holiday experience for yourself and others:

Be a creative gift-giver. Money is our No. 1 stressor during the holidays; so give homemade presents, like cookies, scarves, a handwritten card or artwork. If you don’t have time, agree to a dollar amount with family members and stick to it. Remember, being together and enjoying the connection is really what’s most important.

Unleash your inner rebel.Don’t let anyone rush you, and, most certainly, don’t give anyone the power to ruin your holiday. Let the stress flow away from you, like water off a duck’s back. When you notice you’re feeling hurried, just stop. Sit down. Breathe. Take in the moment. Enjoy the lights or nature outside. You really don’t have to do everything right this minute. Give yourself the gift of time, peace and joy that the holidays are all about. Don’t conform to any one else’s holiday “rules”.

Walk away.If a relative hurts or irritates you, find a gracious way to leave the room without a fuss. You just got triggered, and you need to deal with your own stuff. Regroup and remember that people have the power to hurt you if you let them. If you need more support, ask your spouse or loved one to accompany you as you shake it off. When you are ready, return to the gathering. At some point in the future, seek the guidance of a therapist to see why this person keeps triggering you.

Invite “orphans” to your home.Even if your life is abundant and you are not lonely, please don’t miss out on the opportunity to welcome someone who is alone and doesn’t have a family. Who knows? Your new friend might bring a new dynamic to the situation and soften the heart of even the grouchiest relative at your dinner table.

Make dates with your friends. Who doesn’t like a guys’ or girls’ night out? One of my favorite things to do is schedule lunch or coffee with friends I rarely get to see during the year. It brings us joy to reconnect, and it reminds me to schedule in some fun.

Pour yourself a bubble bath.Pamper and take care of yourself. Breathe. Relax.

There are so many hidden gifts around us during the holiday season, and the best are the unexpected ones that we don’t need to unwrap. Start now to simplify your life and create holidays that are peaceful and truly joyous.

Linda Castor, RN, LCPC, is a nurse and psychotherapist at Clocktower Therapy Center in Illinois who helps people improve their relationships and treats other mental health issues. She can be reached at www.LindaCastor.com.