Narcissistic Observations of the World that Revolves Around Me

Okay, I’ve been tagged for one of these meme things (I was wondering how long I would be able to dodge this bullet.) Apparently, I am just supposed to list 25 random things you don’t know about me. And if you do already know about any of these, then kudos to you for either paying very close attention or for your stalking abilities.

I don’t normally bore you with these things (of course, the thing with that is that I LOVE reading other people’s memes).

And let’s face it – I know how compelling you find me.

Here goes:

1. I lied for years and told people I didn’t know how to swim, because I’d taught myself and was never sure if I was doing it right. I got caught one night while drunk and skinny-dipping with a group of friends. They decided to swim all the way across the lake, and we were all about half-way there when my boyfriend of 10 years stopped and looked at me in amazement and terror (because he already thought I had multiple personalities) and exclaimed, “Hey! I thought you didn’t know how to swim!” I just kept treading water and shrugged. It’s hard to explain stuff like that when you’re drunk and naked.

2. I can build a computer from scratch using discarded parts and bootlegged software. (Sounds impressive, doesn’t it? But it’s not really that hard.)

3. I only like green apples. But I like those a lot.

4. My great-great-great-something and Audrey Hepburn’s great-great-great-something were siblings, making me a distant cousin of hers (my mother’s maiden name is actually Hepburn). I like to brag about this.

5. I have framed portraits on the wall of my library of: e.e. cummings, Björk, Thomas Hardy, Nathaniel Hawthorne, and J. D. Salinger. (Björk is just there to keep you on your toes.)

6. I can play piano, clarinet, guitar, recorder and tin flute. Though none of them well.

7. I am still best friends with my best friend from high school.

8. I regularly walk alone through ‘dangerous’ neighborhoods after dark, walk under ladders, pet strange dogs, refuse to carry an Epipen even though I’m allergic to bee stings, and go camping alone in bear territory without telling anyone where I’m going. Because I’m a bad-ass rebel and don’t you forget it.

9. My design won the National Dental Week Poster Contest in sixth grade.

10. I can complete a Rubik’s Cube in 54 seconds flat.

11. I strongly feel that playing The Sims 2 should be required for all high school students (along with all the downloaded mods and hacks that allow for risky woohoo). It would teach them a lot about time management, finances, choosing a spouse, teenage pregnancy, and the risks of trying to fix electrical equipment without the necessary mechanical skills. At least this is what I tell myself when I waste an entire day playing it, rather than admitting that I just like to play god.

12. I got my navel pierced in 1991, long before most people in Nova Scotia had ever heard of it. I had to bribe an Indian lady to do it for me in the back room of her import shop, surrounded by swirls of smoky incense. She accidentally pierced my main trunk nerve and it hurt like fuck. But it looked cool and was a bit of a freak show, because no one else had one. (I took it out when Britney got hers.)

13. I once missed my cue to enter onstage because I was in the green room making up my gorgeous male dresser to look like Marilyn Monroe.

14. I used to sleepwalk a lot.

15. I am deathly, retardedly, ridiculously freaked out by spiders. And I can’t kill them, because it’s not their fault I’m a retard. So this has actually resulted in me driving to someone else’s house to use the bathroom instead of dealing with the spider in the shower, or standing on my coffee table until the spider on the carpet goes on its merry way, etc. I used to have a voracious cat that ate them all, but he died last year and I had no idea how much I took his appetite for granted. It’s very embarrassing (especially because I jump out of airplanes without breaking a sweat) and quite debilitating. I plan on overcoming this soon, because it’s a serious pain in the ass.

16. I listen to classical music in the car a lot. I think it would reduce road rage if more people did this. Unless you hate classical music, of course.

17. I have naturally curly hair, but didn’t discover it until I was 35.

18. I used to have a go-cart track membership. I had to have three pillows behind my back to allow me to reach the pedals, but it was all worth it when I ran the guys off the track and into the haybales.

19. These are the jobs I would like to do before I die: architect, seeing-eye dog trainer, pottery artist, and astronaut.

20. I drove all the way across Canada and forgot to visit the Pacific Ocean.

21. The last time I had a cold was 2002.

22. I love people with good wrinkles. Good wrinkles are the kind you get from laughing, talking and just generally living a great life. I like to grin and squinch my eyes up at myself in the mirror just to check out how my crow’s feet and laugh lines are coming along.

23. When I was a very little kid, I was obsessed with rocks. I filled every pocket I had with pretty rocks. I pulled the handle out of this ride-on duckie I had when I was two and filled the hollow body of the duck with rocks. I still have a bit of a problem, actually. The surfaces in my house are covered in geodes and chunks of raw amethyst.

24. According to my mother, I started walking when I was eight months old and learned to read when I was three years old. I’ve always been a very impatient person.

25. WordPress doesn’t feed my incoming links to me consistently, so I have no idea who has blogrolled me or how long I’ve been tagged for this meme. I also am not entirely sure what to do to tag someone else, but I’ll get on that right away so I can read all of your silly ’25 Things.’ You’re almost as devastatingly interesting as me.

This was fascinating to read, you know. I liked it all. Maybe if you fed those cats less they would start eating spiders? I’m just saying…

That does sound really unpleasant, getting your main trunk nerve pierced. Though I really like the phrase “piercing your main trunk nerve” – I mean, that is kind of bad ass, isn’t it? Especially if you do it intentionally.

You probably didn’t want to see the Pacific Ocean because you knew it would be a bit better than your Atlantic. I understand.

Haha, funny about the wrinkles 🙂 And I can totally see you doing pottery – I’m surprised you’re not doing it already 🙂

This was just ONE of the many things that made me laugh. The Rubik’s thing was kinda hot.

The rocks thing made me wonder if you should be a geologist?

This was a great read though, seriously. 🙂

On February 2, 2009 at 12:41 pm bryce said:

Where are all these bad neighbourhoods in BW? I used to get antsy going up St. Phillips Street by the trailer park, I suppose. (Yes, I know you’re not talking about BW). Speaking of dodgy, I’m guessing where you got your navel pierced is the same import place on Aberdeen Rd. I used to buy pipes cleverly labelled “decorative Indian artwork.” Apparently, they would also offer to sell you the matching screen for your pipe if they knew ya well enough. Good people, good times…

On February 2, 2009 at 4:37 pm Drea M. said:

Tim: 🙂

Chad: Omg, I can’t believe I didn’t think of that about the cats…Actually you are also right about the ocean. And you KNOW I’m a bad-ass.

Otto: It’s nice to have someone appreciate a good Björk joke. You’d also probably like my framed collection of Rorschach blots.

Bryce: Haha! No, I actually got my belly ring in Hali. The lady that owned the place on Aberdeen was cool, though. When I was about four, she took me aside and said, “You are special girl. I have something for you.” And then she carefully selected a bracelet from the case and slipped it on my wrist. Then about 20 years later, I was in town visiting and she did the same thing! I can only assume she does it to everyone. But free jewelry is free jewelry! (I still have the bracelets, too.) I also had one of those ‘decorative’ pipes, but it got confiscated. Too bad – it was really beautiful. *and i was given a screen for mine…;) *

On February 7, 2009 at 8:51 pm ytlb1 said:

OMG – what does it mean when your boss knows most of these little known facts about you??!! Hopefully it’s a good thing!

Thank you for your reference to “good wrinkles”. I have lots – and now I know what to call them:)

On February 8, 2009 at 12:04 am Drea M. said:

ytlb1: I think it means either we work too much or we drink too much. One or the other. 🙂