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Coca-Cola® Keep Out!

Coca-Cola® Keep Out!

Despite having posted signs
at the inner and outer limits of my mind that read — Stay Out! Private Property!NO TRESPASSING! — Coca-Cola® continues to
send me ideas, and thus I cannot stop thinking about Coca-Cola®. In
response to this continued disregard of my individual wishes that the
unrelenting infiltration of unwanted ideas stop, I routinely play recorded
announcements on and along the inner and outer limits of my mind emphatically
decreeing:DO NOT ENTER! THIS AREA
RESTRICTED!UNAUTHORIZED ENTRANCE NOT
PERMITTED! I ONLY DRINK TAR WATER!

Now I know you think I am
being rude, and that I should be more welcoming of foreigners into my being,
but before you jump to any such critical conclusions, you need to understand I
didn’t just use any voice for these warning announcements. I spent a lot of
time looking for the friendliest voice to deliver these caveats. I even hired
a Los Angeles based marketing firm that creates friendly voice-messages for
airports and shopping malls. (The company also uses professional female artists
who have done voice-overs for Disney films!) Seeing as these friendly messages
did little to curb Coca-Cola’s® intrusion into my spiritual-hub, perhaps this
approach to dealing with trespassing ideas was a mistake and I should
have been neither accommodating nor friendly in my appeals to Coca-Cola’s®
sympathies:I should have sought a much
more forceful voice of admonition. But I like to consider myself to be a civil
and friendly kind of guy, and my only intention was, has been, and still is to
clarify that my consciousness welcomes no unwanted thoughts. (I suspect
Coca-Cola® is not ready to respect my requests regardless of how I approach the
issue.) It is much better to resolve conflicts without undue confrontations.
(Getting my ass kicked by Syrians has taught me a lot about amity.)

After all unsuccessful
polite attempts to keep Coca-a-Cola® off my personal and private property, I
have hired a lawyer to sue the Coca-Cola® Company for illegal entry and advertising without permission. It
is bad enough I have to see their billboards everywhere, but it is outright
disrespectful that they keep entering my mind: entering the stock of my
ragout! Since the Coca-Cola® Corporation holds the patent and trademark to
Coca-Cola® (which by modern standards can only be an abstraction of the
physical cola products on grocery store shelves) it must be true that the idea
of Coke is all they want to own, otherwise they wouldn’t keep selling
themselves so limitlessly consumable as cans or bottles. Seeing that the
only thing Coca-Cola® really wants is the idea (of itself) then they should
manage the whereabouts of these said ideas. And as you know by now, despite my
continued appeal they should desist, Coca-Cola® keeps delivering me their
ideas. It is therefore Coca-Cola’s® duty to keep their product, as
it is a protected idea (see ®), strictly on the supermarket shelves and not in
my mind. Since these ideas as patented and trademarked — the ideas with which
Coca-Cola® leads us to believe are not the
actual and real products of my desires but these said abstractions, are really
the only thing worth having — they, Coca-Cola®, should manage the whereabouts
of all related ideas:as legally owned
abstractions limited to and as defined in ®.Coke® it’s the real thing.

Coca-Cola® has even spoiled Christmas for me, considering I prefer a Santa
Claus clad in green, but I will not sue them for this because I like Santa
regardless of the color of his suit. Coca-Cola® owns these patented ideas
and trademarked images, not me, and they, therefore, not only belong to
Mr. Coca-Cola’s® act of consciousness, but that’s where they should remain!
Coca-Cola® has willfully and negligently entered my mind (which happens to fall
within my individual self) with no prior agreement. I hereby, as
a truly finite individual, accuse Coca-Cola® of repeated violation of my
being and wish appropriate compensation. My lawyers will be contacting
them.