Roll that spliff phatly, pack some fresh ice into the binger, and set the Volcano to "toastify." It's time for tonight's Stoner Channel. We've collected our best high-times material for the discerning pothead so sit back, relax, and pass that shit on the left, yo.

Better Know a Bud: How to Differentiate Sativas and Indicas

There are literally hundreds of individual cannabis strains on the market today so do you go with the Grandaddy Purple, the White Widow, the Headband, or what? Depends on what sort of high you're looking for, you need to look for the right variety.

Cannabis comes in two primary varieties—Sativa and Indica—as well as numerous hybridized strains created by crossing the two. The two varieties are differentiated not only by their chemical composition (and the high they produce) but by their physical appearance as well.

Cannabis Sativa

Sativas originated from Colombia, Mexico, Thailand and Southeast Asia. The plants are thinner and taller than Indicas, growing as tall as 20 feet in a single season, which makes them better suited for outdoor plantations. The Sativa's leaves are skinnier and lighter green than an Indica's—this indicates less chlorophyll and more yellow pigments, which protect the plant from intense light. More temperate climates will result in slightly deeper green leaf coloring. Full maturation of the buds takes 10-16 weeks once flowers emerge. Sativas also produce fewer buds per plant

Sativa buds are typically much more pungent than Indicas and have a THC:CBD ratio four to five times that of Indicas. With so much THC (and conversely, such little CBD) the Sativa high tends to be much more uplifting, energetic and cerebral with increased mental activity. This makes it an ideal candidate for daytime toking. One drawback is that THC is antagonistic at the cannabinoid receptors in your brain, which makes it more likely to make you paranoid than Indicas and may cause hallucinations in some cases.

Cannabis Indica

Indicas originated from the world's hash-growing regions of Afghanistan, Morocco, and Tibet. Indicas are much shorter than Sativas, more dense and more broad as well. Indicas grow to about six feet but generally never above eight. Indica leaves are much more broad and full than Sativa leaves as well, resembling deep green maple leaves. Indicas also have a much shorter growing season, achieving full maturation just six to eight weeks after first bloom. The buds are more densely packed along a shorter stem than a Sativa. With more bud per plant and a shorter grow season, Indicas are the preferred choice for indoor operations.

Since Indicas contain a high CBD:THC, the high associated with it isn't nearly as cerebral. Instead, Indicas produce a much stronger, heavier, more relaxing body high. This makes it a good choice for evening smoking as an Indica joint will likely knock you the fuck out. Indicas do tend to generate a thicker smoke than Sativas, given their density, which can result in coughing if you overzealously stack you binger.

Exploding Iceberg in Antarctica!

Between Hudson Urban Bicycles' experiment above, in which a fully-loaded bike was chained outside the shop for a year to see how long it would last (answer: less than a year), and filmmaker Casey Neistat's brazen attempts to jack his own ride, I'd say you've got a solid 90-percent chance of bike-thieving success in the Big Apple.

What? Neistat boosted his own bike from in front of a police station in broad daylight? Let's edge that estimate up to a 95-percent chance of success.

Steve MacIntyre Needs to Smoke a Bowl and Calm the Hell Down

Steve MacIntyre, left winger for the Wilkes-Barre/Scranton Penguins went utterly ape-shit Monday and tried to fight the entire Springfield Falcons club in an attempt to pummel on the Falcon's goalie, Paul Dainton, which he did. Be sure to turn up your speakers—the announcer's description of the pandemonium is marvelous.

The Backwater Gospel

Don't fear the Reaper, fear the Undertaker.

James Cameron's New Sub Will Take Him To the Deepest Spot On Earth

So, would James Cameron's adoration of the deep sea qualify him to be Richard Branson's nemesis? I hope so. I think every super-rich person needs another super-rich person to act as their foil, disrupt their plans for world domination, and cough loudly during their tee shots.

The Spanish Inquisition

Their chief element is surprise! Surprise and fear!

Are You a Green Gardener?

Care to show off your handiwork to the Internets? If so, we want pics of your best buds, your highest-tech setups, and your bushiest bushes. Send images—960x540 minimum but we prefer 1600x900—of your legal stashes (no High Times ripoffs please) to atarantola at Gizmodo.com and we'll feature the best at the top each night's Stoner Channel. Put "The Stoner Channel" in the subject line while you're at it.

And no, for the last time, we aren't interested in seeing your wicked meth lab setup Jerry. Stop it or we're calling the fuzz.