Re: Get to know your fellow board members....

My mom is 53 and is still making the same poor choices with unavailable men. Whether they cheat, were alcoholics or coke heads or addicted to god knows what else. Sadly the only way to break these patterns is to realize as soon as you are attracted to someone, it's likely they fit the profile of every other guy that has been in your life. If there is attraction you need to ignore it and somehow work through what makes you attracted to that type. Truely tragic. Keep that radar up and don't blame yourself for not trusting someone who has already shown plenty of reason not to be trusted.

Re: Get to know your fellow board members....

Originally Posted by locachica73

But in all honesty, I see fucking as an act. Men are men, I gave him the option of fucking two women at the same time without any repercussions. As a man I didn't expect any less from him than to continue the act. I liked the sneakiness of it for a time so yes, I do blame myself more than him because as a woman I should know better.

I very much disagree with this viewpoint, but the honesty is refreshing.

Is there anything you've ever written (school assignment, journal entry, etc.) that you're most proud of? And why are you proud of it?

Re: Get to know your fellow board members....

I very much disagree with this viewpoint, but the honesty is refreshing.

Is there anything you've ever written (school assignment, journal entry, etc.) that you're most proud of? And why are you proud of it?

You know, I have never really been one to write in a Journal and I was not a big fan of school. I can't even think of a writing assignment I really enjoyed. Maybe because they never gave us anything all that exciting to write about.

The only time I really enjoyed school was when I was in 3rd grade. I was actually a very good student and they passed me up a grade level halfway through the year. I guess that was my proudest academic type achievement. Then my mom had to move us to a new city, they wouldn't let me stay in the 4th grade anymore and made me go back to 3rd. I got bored with the subject matter because I had already done it. So I kind of gave up at that point.

Then when my son was born I went to a trade school and learned all I could about being an administrative assistant/accountant and got a job. Life has kind of taken over since then. I kind of look forward to that experience though. I am thinking about looking into taking some classes so I can figure out what I want to do when I grow up.

Originally Posted by algunz

Someone turned you in for a blow job in a Vegas bathroom?!!!?

That's ridiculous . . . on the part of the person who turned you in, shameful.

That is what I thought.... You can have hookers but no blow jobs in a bathroom? WTF

Re: Get to know your fellow board members....

Originally Posted by locachica73

You can have hookers but no blow jobs in a bathroom? WTF

Hookers are also illegal in Vegas. My guess is the casino was assuming that's what you were which is why they took the photo and expected you might be returning to turn tricks in their bathroom. Even though we know you are not a hooker the casino very well could have developed this opinion based on passed experience and wasn't going to listen to any excuses from a drunk girl who just violated whatever policies they have.

I have a friend who just last year recieved oral outside of her hotel room at the luxor. In the hallway, against the wall in open view. She didn't get busted but i'm assuming if she did, she might have recieved the same banning.

Re: Get to know your fellow board members....

Originally Posted by faxman75

My mom is 53 and is still making the same poor choices with unavailable men. Whether they cheat, were alcoholics or coke heads or addicted to god knows what else. Sadly the only way to break these patterns is to realize as soon as you are attracted to someone, it's likely they fit the profile of every other guy that has been in your life. If there is attraction you need to ignore it and somehow work through what makes you attracted to that type. Truely tragic. Keep that radar up and don't blame yourself for not trusting someone who has already shown plenty of reason not to be trusted.

OK, I had to give this some thought before i typed up my response because I am high right now and 80 things came rushing to my head... but here goes.

I want to say I do trust Nick. He was dating, they were not living together or married, they had just met at a bar, fucked, and continued to fuck. I don't think that is even considered a relationship in this day and age. So when we first started hooking up, I really don't know that there was anything wrong with that. But then as time went on, it got kind of too late to really say anything without her getting hurt. He had stopped hanging out with her regularly after he started hanging out with me. They only saw each other 1 or 2 times a week. Yes he should have told her that he was seeing me, but I also don't think we as women should assume just because we are fucking a guy that means he isn't fucking anyone else. It is called dating for a reason and until we have that conversation, saying ok, this is it, it is just you and I from here on out, I think it is fair game. What I feel badly about is that she got hurt, I hate that I was the cause of someone's pain, knowingly.

Yes there are times I think too much and freak myself out, just because he fell asleep watching tv before he called me. I have serious abandonment issues, a man should not have to call his girlfriend two times a night on the 2 nights a week he is not at my house, but Nick does because he knows I am really insecure. That is why I know I can trust him and I have finally broken out of my pattern.

Re: Get to know your fellow board members....

I didn't even think about them thinking I could be a hooker... Funny. You are probably right. My mother will be so proud.

Originally Posted by faxman75

What would be your dream job?

Well, I have often thought I would like to own a small bar/club somewhere on the beach. I think I would be really good at it. I have been told I would make a good bartender because I am always happy and the life of the party. I have been thinking about trying to get a job as a bartender to see if I would like it but having no experience and no breasts make it hard to get a job at a bar in this town.

Other than that I would have loved to become either a therapist for children and adult survivors of sexual abuse or an advocate for children's rights. Unfortunately to experience that dream I would have to pretty much start from scratch and I don't have the energy anymore.

Re: Get to know your fellow board members....

Originally Posted by locachica73

Nick. ...Yes there are times I think too much and freak myself out, just because he fell asleep watching tv before he called me. I have serious abandonment issues, a man should not have to call his girlfriend two times a night on the 2 nights a week he is not at my house, but Nick does because he knows I am really insecure.

Re: Get to know your fellow board members....

Him playing into your insecurities isn't going to help you either. You need to work on you before you can find someone who isn't like the rest. Not to mention the silly ritual of calling you twice on the nights you are not together doesn't really prove he is or isn't a bad guy. Until you work on those issues you have, they aren't going to just go away. You need help for those issues and the new boy is only making matters worse by playing into your insecurities.

You haven't broken the pattern. You are with a guy who cheats. He may not be currently cheating but he was cheating when you met.

Saying you know you can trust him because he calls you to reassure you that he's not out cheating is not healthy. To be fair, you don't really know what he was telling her or what their arrangement was but you do know he was fucking you behind her back. Maybe it wouldn't be cheating if there was some open relationship agreement but that obviously wasn't in place and she was hurt by him fucking you.

I'm curious, if he was so concerned about hurting her feelings, why did he go out of his way to say he was fucking someone else? You can easily break up with someone without destroying them by saying you have been fucking someone else. This guy aleviated his own guilt. That was the only benefit of telling the chick he was also fucking you.

Re: Get to know your fellow board members....

Originally Posted by TomAz

so why do you think he puts up with your shit?

Because other than that, I am an extremely cool chick. I like to drink beer, shoot pool, play cards, hang out with the guys. I am not clingy, gossipy, I hate to shop, don't like jewelery. He doesn't need to lie to his buddies to go hang out at the bar or the casino because chances are I am already there. I even go to the strip club with him. Plus... I am magical.

My insecurities are my biggest downfall. The fact that I don't think I am worthy. Trust me, I have gone to therapy, I have analyzed myself to no end. I know what is wrong with me, I just don't know how to fix it.

In fact, the times that I freak out, I am not even assuming that he is cheating on me, I just assume he got tired of my shit and finally wised up and left me.

Luckily he loves me enough to stick around, which is a new concept to me.

Re: Get to know your fellow board members....

I'm not sure I see what's appealing about a woman who doesn't like jewelry? I mean why is that listed in your first paragraph about why he is with you? because you don't like jewelry? what? I think you're holding out.

Re: Get to know your fellow board members....

Originally Posted by faxman75

Him playing into your insecurities isn't going to help you either. You need to work on you before you can find someone who isn't like the rest. Not to mention the silly ritual of calling you twice on the nights you are not together doesn't really prove he is or isn't a bad guy. Until you work on those issues you have, they aren't going to just go away. You need help for those issues and the new boy is only making matters worse by playing into your insecurities.

You haven't broken the pattern. You are with a guy who cheats. He may not be currently cheating but he was cheating when you met.

Saying you know you can trust him because calls you to reassure you that he's not out cheating is not healthy. To be fair, you don't really know what he was telling her or what their arrangement was but you do know he was fucking you behind her back.

Have I mentioned I hate to argue? But I am up for a good debate so here goes.

First off, we both made mistakes, just like everyone makes mistakes. Yes he cheated, does that make him a cheater? He also has a long history of not cheating so maybe it was just the situation. There are some men, like my ex Nino, who are incapable of remaining faithful. I do not believe Nick is that guy.

In all actuality, the reason I dated men who were unavailable is because I wasn't available. I had been emotionally wrecked in between 3rd grade and 25 years old. I stayed married to a man for 8 years for convenience, knowing he had a girlfriend in mexico, because I was incapable of letting my heart go. I was not going to allow another man to ever hurt me. So I dated men who were in relationships. Then when I was 30 I realized I wanted more, I had finally decided that I was worthy of love and went searching for it. Then I met Nino and got destroyed yet again. So I went back to my old habits of flirting/fucking with unavailable men so I didn't get hurt.

Nick was not attractive to me until he was with Suzette, because then he became safe. I kind of went after him. So yes, maybe I did have a pattern, but it is a different kind of pattern.

Somewhere along the way I got attached, something I haven't done in a long time. Yes it may end badly, yes he may cheat, but that is the case with every relationship. You have to take the chance or die alone with cats.

I have many years of therapy in front of me, but to give up on having happiness until I am mentally sound is asking a lot.

The reason I know he is outside my normal pattern is because he treats me well, he respects me, he knows my issues and accepts them, taking the time to call me because he knows I am scared. The men of my past would have just told me to fuck off while they went and fucked another chick. Nick takes the time to reassure me he isn't going anywhere.

Re: Get to know your fellow board members....

Originally Posted by faxman75

I'm curious, if he was so concerned about hurting her feelings, why did he go out of his way to say he was fucking someone else? You can easily break up with someone without destroying them by saying you have been fucking someone else. This guy aleviated his own guilt. That was the only benefit of telling the chick he was also fucking you.

Actually I had come to the point of wanting him to choose, had given him a week to make his choice. Then this girl we know from the bar decided to make a point of calling Suzette to come up to the bar when him and I were there together. Suzette showed up and realized the truth, she gave him the same ultimatum but wanted him to choose then and there. He chose me.

Would he have made the same choice had she not found out? He tells me that he was getting ready to break it off with her but I won't ever know that for sure. But I do have faith that things are the way they should be. In fact we have learned through conversations that we had hung out in the same places throughout the years. Maybe this is fate? I kind of like to think that. Maybe finding him is my cosmic payoff for all the shitty things I have encountered. We just took a few detours.

Originally Posted by TomAz

I'm not sure I see what's appealing about a woman who doesn't like jewelry? I mean why is that listed in your first paragraph about why he is with you? because you don't like jewelry? what? I think you're holding out.

at least the bit about the strip club made sense.

We joke sometimes when watching Bridezilla, there are these women on there wanting $40,000 rings. I told him once that I would kick his ass if he ever bought me a $40,000 ring, he better save that money and spend it on something more reasonable. I don't need any flashy diamond to prove his love, I would rather spend that money on a cool vacation.

Originally Posted by faxman75

Loca, does size matter when it comes to cock?

Yes and No... Sorry, I am still on the fence with that one. But not in the way you think. A guy can learn how to work with a small cock but if it's too big it is just too big. Some women apparently like that. But jesus, if a girl nicknames you the bull it isn't a good thing.

Originally Posted by daxton

Loca, what are a couple quitly pleasures of yours?

I love bad reality tv... Especially when pretty girls cry. I am a big fan of all these model type shows. I also like the fashion ones. I can sit and watch Project Runway reruns all day.

I love big hair 80's rock. Find me a dive bar with a pool table and an old 80's rock cover band and I am a happy girl. I know that goes against all the music lovers out there but that is why they call it a guilty pleasure.

Originally Posted by daxton

Can't wait for this answer. If size doesn't matter then what is the most important cock attribute or is there something else sexual that's more important to you?

I prefer width over length, and like I said, it has to be not gigantic. If I can't give a proper blow job then the dick is too big.

Originally Posted by weeklymix

Moar veins.

?????

Originally Posted by TommyboyUNM

But nearly everyone follows relationship patterns throughout their lives. I think there's a lot of merit to what Fax is saying.

Yes, this is true, but we all have them. It is just a matter of finding the happy where you can. If for some reason it doesn't work out, I will survive it and learn from it. But I am going to enjoy every minute of it for now. I think that is the true key to happiness. Why sit around and worry about if your going to be happy 5 yrs from now, get what happy you can right now.

Re: Get to know your fellow board members....

Fax, I know you are trying to be helpful, but you are projecting a lot. Not everyone has the same kind of relationships.

My comments were based specifically on the information she gave. She revealed the patterns. She hasn't denied them, so i'm wondering what you think i'm projecting.

I'm not going to dwell any longer and Loca I appreciate your honesty and willingness to answer my questions. The rest of you are up to bat to ask some good questions.

I do wish you the best of luck loca and I think you know I wasn't attacking you. In fact I wasn't trying to argue either so i'm glad you changed that to debate though that's not what it was about anyway. Enjoy your week!

Re: Get to know your fellow board members....

Originally Posted by locachica73

We joke sometimes when watching Bridezilla, there are these women on there wanting $40,000 rings. I told him once that I would kick his ass if he ever bought me a $40,000 ring, he better save that money and spend it on something more reasonable. I don't need any flashy diamond to prove his love, I would rather spend that money on a cool vacation.

I'm going to admit here that I like big, sparkly things as much as the next stereotypical woman.

But I'm of the opinion that unless you're far enough along in your relationship that you have shared finances, it is not up to you to make a judgment about how he spends his money, whether that means he's spending money on a gift for you or that he's spending money on a massive flat screen TV for himself. It's not your decision to make for him.

Re: Get to know your fellow board members....

My comments were based specifically on the information she gave. She revealed the patterns. She hasn't denied them, so i'm wondering what you think i'm projecting.

I'm not going to dwell any longer and Loca I appreciate your honesty and willingness to answer my questions. The rest of you are up to bat to ask some good questions.

I do wish you the best of luck loca and I think you know I wasn't attacking you. In fact I wasn't trying to argue either so i'm glad you changed that to debate though that's not what it was about anyway. Enjoy your week!

I didn't mean that I thought you were trying to argue, I took it as a debate which I do enjoy. Sorry if it came off that way, I do have a hard time getting what is in my head out sometimes, probably because I am use to keeping it all in my head.

Originally Posted by Courtney

I'm going to admit here that I like big, sparkly things as much as the next stereotypical woman.

But I'm of the opinion that unless you're far enough along in your relationship that you have shared finances, it is not up to you to make a judgment about how he spends his money, whether that means he's spending money on a gift for you or that he's spending money on a massive flat screen TV for himself. It's not your decision to make for him.

It was more as a joke than anything. I had brought it up in reference to the show and we had a laugh about it. But when he finally did tell me he loved me one of the things he mentioned is the fact that I don't want him to buy me expensive jewelery. That is why in his mind I am a cool chick.

I am not interested in even knowing what he spends his money on. I have always been a my money, your money kind of girl. I think that a majority of marital arguments could be avoided if people just kept their own money.

Not that Nick and I are anywhere close to getting married, we barely even started using the L word.

Re: Get to know your fellow board members....

Originally Posted by daxton

Can't wait for this answer. If size doesn't matter then what is the most important cock attribute or is there something else sexual that's more important to you?

I also wanted to come back and mention that another important aspect is someone willing to experiment with different things. I was married to missionary man for 8 years and got quite bored with our sex life. I am not all that wild and crazy in what I am looking for but there has to be some variation.