I'd rather be having a quiet drink... and can be followed on Twitter @alcothusiast; and friended on Untappd (handle: "neilcake" - all welcome).

Friday, 2 January 2015

FA Cup Drinking Game

a typical goalmouth scramble, borrowed from google images.

I don’t tend to like
rushing posts out but on conceiving of this idea it occurred to me that if I
didn’t get it out in early January it would be almost a whole year before it
would be relevant again. So what it is, I’ve devised an FA Cup highlights
drinking game; inspired by the monotonous regularity with which certain stock
phrases are dusted off and presented during the marathon and legendary early
rounds when non-league clubs are still a part of the mix.

If you’re British,
you’re going to know exactly what I’m talking about. Also, given the way we’re
always told the FA Cup is popular around the world being, as it is the World’s
oldest association football competition, you might know what I’m talking about
if you’re from elsewhere. If you don’t, here’s a brief description.

The FA Cup is a
simple knockout competition where teams are randomly drawn against each other.
League and non-league teams are allowed to enter (subject to certain criteria)
and a number of preliminary rounds eventually bring us to the First Round Proper around November time
when a dizzying array of fixtures take place. The weather can be really bad,
there are a variety of different skill levels on show, there’s a whole romance thing where a bunch of nobodies
with day jobs can get their 15 minutes of fame and their club a much needed
cash injection by being drawn against a league side, big sides can routinely
lose to small sides… really, I could probably write a whole post about the FA
Cup – but that wouldn’t be booze related.

I’ve had a think
then, and I’ve identified some things that seem to happen with predictable
regularity. Feel free to add your own, but I think I’ve covered enough bases
here.

The upshot of this
then is that you should drink any time:

the commentator says “not bad for a centre half”.

A team is referred to by its nickname (drink twice if it’s
Chesterfield being referred to as The
Spirewrights).

There is a comedy goalmouth scramble (drink twice if it doesn’t
result in a goal).

A player’s on loan status
is referenced.

Poor league form is mentioned.

The post-match interview involves a scouse manager.

A non-league player’s day job is mentioned (unless it’s during the
lineups at the beginning, as you’ll probably have to drink 11 all in one
go).

An unlikely victory is greeted with a pitch invasion.

Someone mentions “giant killing”.

There’s a match where you can’t see the ball because there is so
much fog.

Someone refers to whether or not the FA Cup has lost its importance
in recent years (drink twice if they refute that supposition).

A period of time greater than your age is mentioned eg: “it’s 37
years since Mumbum Town United last qualified for the FA Cup’s third
round…”

You zone out at the sheer volume of meaningless goals (maybe not
that last one; this was always going to happen and will only be more
frequent due to the addition of alcohol).

Now, it’s a bit late
for the very earliest rounds that get a TV highlights show, but this weekend
round 3 starts (that’s when the Premier League clubs enter) and there’s still a
big enough fixture schedule to make this worth doing, so get together with some
friends and watch the highlights show with some drinks. It might even be
worthwhile trying it for one of the live Sunday afternoon matches, or even the
draw for the next round – it’ll certainly make that more interesting.

Definitions

What happens when you zone out after having had a cheeky lunchtime pint.

Alcothusiast:

Not an alcoholic, someone who appreciates booze.

Anxiety, The:

The uneasy feeling that accompanies any noteworthy hangover.

Booze Buffet Mentality:

The propensity people have to go nuts whenever there's a free bar.

Booze Porn:Photos of alcohol.

Bread Chest:Not booze related, but this term describes the indigestion you get from eating too many bread products too quickly. Just putting it out there...

Crawler's Block:The inability to decide where to go next during a pub crawl - often resulting in crawl stagnation and someone saying, "shall we just have another one here?"

Crawl Stagnation:The result of failing to plan a pub crawl sufficiently - lack of a route, theme or over-familiarity with nearby pubs can all be contributing factors.

Excess Induced Alcohol Aversion:An intolerance for a drink caused (usually) by one occasion of overindulgence.

The Family:My whisky collection.

MOMA:

Moment of Maximum Appreciation. Every bottle has one. It's the time you drink it where you enjoy it most.

Old Man Pub:Traditional British pub, renowned for being quiet, cosy and frequented by old men. Much favoured by people who like a nice chat while they drink.Psychological Drinks Cabinet:Collective term relating to the kinds of alcoholic drinks a person has need for.Road Beers:

Cans of beer that you take with you when you go out, to consume on the way.

The 3 Types of Rum:White, gold and dark. Together they form the base of many a great cocktail.

About Me

Neil Cake is interested in all types of booze, but is by no means an authority or expert. Most of the time he's just trying to be funny, but he is learning, and enjoys sharing his adventures and what he learns on the Drink it How You Like it blog.
Thengyuverrymuuuuuch.