Tips for Parents and Partners of People in Recovery

Your loved one is finally in recovery! You could be feeling a tremendous relief. At the same time you might be living in constant fear that could relapse. These feeling are natural. One of the best things you can do is take care of yourself. This doesn’t mean that you should disregard or minimize your feelings or stop showing care and compassion. The point is,your loved one is on a path that is changing their life and yours! They are going to need to put their recovery first.

Putting their recovery first may feel similar to when they put their drinking or drugging first—you were left out. For parents, the pain of having your child constantly escape to their room left you grieving the relationship you once enjoyed with them. Find a group for parents and partners of teens and loved ones in recovery. Sharing with others past experiences or present challenges can result in useful coping mechanisms.

Taking care of yourself is essential. The loved one may not appreciate all you did for them before they were in recovery. They could snap at you for no apparent reason. It is a good idea to mirror back to them how their behavior affected you. This can be done with so-called I statements. “I felt sad when you snapped at me that way.” This technique works because it doesn’t shame or blame. It simply relates how you felt.

I statements set boundaries. You need to set boundaries for your own mental health as well as your loved one. Setting boundaries helps puts you in touch with your feelings and promotes self-awareness. Through direct communication you set limits with your child or loved one and let them know where you stand.

Don’t judge yourself if you let your child or partner walk all over you before they got into recovery. You did the best you could. Getting help for yourself will lead you to greater understanding as why you reacted or didn’t react. Therapy can help you see changes from which you would benefit. As you gain confidence, you may find you assert yourself more—like swinging the pendulum too hard on a clock. It bangs against the clock walls and damages the sensitive device. It takes practice to acquire the right touch. Successful recovery requires a balance and patience. Take good care of yourself on your own new journey.

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