to think that if you phone someone, the onus is then on you to initiate conversation

.. and not to do what my BIL does every single time. Conversation goes like this:

Phone rings, I answer:

Me: "Hello"

BIL: "Hello"

Me: "Hello?"

Long awkward pause

BIL: "Hello"

And so on, and on and on. Drives me mad. I have no problem asking what he wants, but that's not the point. All very trivial in the grand scheme of things I know, but he's been my BIL for about twenty years now, and he still doesn't know how to converse properly.

My dad used to have a friend who wouldn't say anything when he answered the phone A couple of times my dad didn't say anything either and they stayed on the phone for ages in absolute silence! I think my dad was always the one to give in as well

I answer the phone with "hello rebecca speaking" If it's one of my inlaws and they aren't forthcoming I then say "do you want to speak to x?" although they'll often just say "Is x around?"If they don't want to speak to my husband I say "what can I do for you?"If every time he phones you have long drawn out going nowhere conversations as you say in your OP then stop the waffly crap and ask him as soon as you know who it is if he wants your husband and if he says no, ask him what he wants. Yes of course you say hello first but there's no need to prolong the waffly pleasanteries if he obviously isn't into them.

I hate it when people phone and don't say why they're phoning eg for a chat or for a particular purpose. I usually chat for a couple of minutes and then ask them if they phoned about anything in particular but some people take offence at being asked that. I really am a busy person and don't have a lot of time for aimless chat, but can't say that to them.

This happened frequently. Who calls a family home with 5 people living in it and doesn't bother asking to speak to the specific person they are trying to reach? I think they kept assuming that my sister had answered, but as she has two sisters who sound just like her, you might want to check?

If he phones you then can you ask him why he phones? I presume he's your husband's brother so maybe he wants to talk to your husband but is too polite to say so. If one of my husband's relatives phones I usually say "do you want to speak to x?" fairly early on. I'm not my husband's social secretary and if the phone is for him I'd rathet pass it on than make polite chit chat just because I happened to answer it.Some women do seem to feel they are custodians of the telephone though and get upset if the caller won't waffle on to them for 5 minutes first because they always get to it first.Just pass the phone over, it's obviously not for you.

Yes phone is difficult. the taking turns part of a conversation is magnified. the is it my turn to speak decision is more confusing on the phone. also a roll of the eyes, a nod, smile, laugh buys you a PAUSE in a rl convo

Sorry on phone here. broarder AUtism phenotype. Baron-cohen identified this as a kind of half way between having aspergers and not having it. on an autism quotient test the result wouldnt be - oh u clearly have aspergers, but, if most womem score 15-17 somebody with the broader autism phenotype might have a score of 25.

Yeh and a colleague used to do this. with her tho, she felt the onus was on u to entertain her. she'd been half way round the world, spoke four languages but none of made her feel obluged to b interesting. her manner was 'entertain me" and like a pp noted , if ever u werent up to it she'd react like u had been very rude to her.

I think broader qutism phhenotype. i know a woman like this. she was cycling towards me obe day, saw me, stopped her bike.... had nothing to say to me. i can talj to most people. but i feel like i am just pulling the cord in my own back when i talk to this woman .

Used to be a guy like this at work. He'd approach your desk and just sort if hover, looking at you expectantly. He once did this and then, when I got on with my work because he hadn't said anything made out that I was being rude!

No, he has no undiagnosed communication difficulty unless there's some phone connected ailment as yet unnamed. He works in sales, and I would love to be a fly on the wall when he's making work related calls.

Binky - let's introduce them, they could have hours of endless silent fun