Monthly Archives: January 2017

I recently began my first work term this month and decided to write this little piece to share what I’ve learned thus far. Even though I haven’t worked for very long, I’ve learned a lot this past month.

Ask Questions. Before I started my work term, I was afraid to ask my manager anything in fear that I would be annoying them. After I started working, I realized that it’s better to ask questions and clarify any tasks you’re given rather than assume something that is wrong. By assuming, there’s a possibility that your assumption is incorrect which may cause greater damages for you and your team.

Socialize with your Co-Workers. It gets really boring in the office if you don’t know anyone and have no one to talk to. Socializing with your co-workers will allow you to become more familiar with the business and other departments. You will also have someone to socialize with during the working hours and may also make a new best friend! I’m still working on this myself, but I’ve noticed that as I get more and more comfortable in my surroundings, I’m more willing to talk with the other co-workers and get to know them better. After all, you’re going to be working with them for a while so might as well get to know them sooner rather than later.

Don’t be Afraid to Take Initiative. Once I started working on some simpler tasks, I realized that some of their processes are quite repetitive. After noticing this, I started thinking of ways to possibly simplify the routine. I brought this to my managers attention and she loved it! Every business wants an employee who has ideas on how they can possibly improve a certain procedure. Even if your ideas don’t work out in the end, it’s a possibility of creating a better business. What employer wouldn’t want that?

Be Genuine. Be yourself! I know that it’s nerve-racking going into a new company, but you got the job because the employer not only liked the skills that you can bring, but also who you are as a person. By being yourself, you’re being the best you which means that you’re able to present your best work. And plus, it’s tiring pretending to be someone you’re not, so why would you?And last but not least…

Make the Most Out of Every Situation. When I applied to this job, I was expecting to do something different than what I’m doing now. At first, I was a bit disappointed, but I later realized that there’s nothing more I can do now, so why not do the most I can and learn as much as I can? With this mentality I started to ask more questions about the company, other departments, my tasks, etc. I also stated thinking of ways to make my work a bit more interesting by thinking of other creative ways to effectively complete my tasks. If I do think of a more effective and efficient process, then it’s a win win for me and the company.

Everyone adapts differently to different situations, but what I’m trying to say here is that even if you’re in a position that you don’t necessarily like, there are always ways of turning it around so that your work is more enjoyable.

“Develop a passion for learning. If you do, you will never cease to grow.”

It’s been a little over a year since we went our separate ways. There is so much I wanted to tell you but I had to force myself to keep it all in. There are reasons why I couldn’t tell you and it’ll all be explained here (or most). I know that you’re living your new life, possibly with a new girl, and I’m not going to ruin that for you. Regardless whether it’s true or not, I can’t help but think that sometimes you miss me too… And what we were.

To start from the beginning, after we split, you still wanted and tried to keep in contact. Eventually, I gave in and we met. One thing I never told you is that you were the one who helped get me through one of the hardest days of my life. I agreed to meet with you that afternoon. During the morning, I was having a mental breakdown. It was something I’ve never experienced before in my life and it was terrifying. Even though it was a Monday, I was extremely homesick. Such thoughts preoccupied my mind and I couldn’t control my emotions. I was at the library studying between my two classes when I realized how bad things were. I couldn’t help but think that I missed home and whenever I did, I would start crying. I went to the washroom countless times that morning to try and control myself. You were the same old you, having a relatively normal conversation with me through text. When I agreed to meet up with you, I didn’t know what to expect. I didn’t know how things were going to go since it was the first time we were meeting up in over 2 months. I even told you afterwards that I didn’t know if you were the same person as before, or if the University life changed you too. When we met, it seemed as if things went back to how they were before… You made me laugh, you made me smile, you made me forget… Forget about all of my troubles.

After this meeting, we met more frequently throughout the year. Late night meetups for bubble tea, fries, or whatever else we were feeling. I will always remember and appreciate all that you did. How you walked me back to my residence, that was an hour walk away, how you were always there to hear me vent about my roommates, how you were there for me after the good and bad exams, and so much more. I don’t know how I would ever be able to repay you for that… I don’t know if you felt it, but there were multiple times where I felt like if we made one extra move, we would have been a couple again. The things we did, the way we acted when we were together, the way it felt being in your presence… It didn’t feel like we were “just friends”… Or maybe it was just me, wishing that things were different. There were countless times when I wanted to give you a sign.. Do you remember the time your phone ran out of battery while walking me home and we were on the couch, waiting for your phone to charge? There was a moment where I was looking at something off of your phone and I could feel my heart pounding because I knew that if I just lifted my head and looked up at you, we might have kissed… Do you remember how you would always ask for a water bottle when we arrived? I couldn’t help but wonder if these small things were just as simple as they sounded, or if it was an excuse to spend some time with me. Sometimes I think too much and you know that…

Recently, these moments have been replaying in my mind more frequently. I kept thinking about how different things would be now if I did one thing differently. Then I remember the things you’ve told me. The things you’ve experienced. You liked someone. Or I thought you did anyways. Someone else. When you told me about some of the things that happened, I couldn’t help but be a bit jealous. I acted like it wasn’t affecting me or anything (or I tried), but it kind of did… I didn’t know why. Things were over between us and I knew that we couldn’t get back, so why was I feeling like this? I don’t know.. Maybe I’ll never know. When you told me about your new relationship, I had a similar reaction. Of course I was happy for you, but I couldn’t help but wonder if she was prettier than me, smarter than me, just better than me.. I was comparing myself to this complete stranger and I had no idea why… Over the following months, I started to forget. What you did didn’t really affect me that much any more. I was moving on.. That is until we met up again near the end of summer.

Meeting up with our high school friends reminded me of what used to be. How life was before things got complicated. Or rather, before I made things complicated. When school started again, things were okay. I accepted the fact that some times I might be reminiscing about the past, but that’s only because it was a beautiful time. One thing I will never forget is how you were willing to let me stay in your room while you stayed somewhere else because my living accommodations weren’t ready. How persistent you were… How thoughtful and selfless you were.. But that’s who you are. Who you always were. That’s who I fell in love with… Throughout the term, there were love songs that came up on the radio and for some reason, it kept making me think of you. Us. For some reason, I kept dreaming about us getting back together under various situations. In the dream, it felt so right. Being in your warm embrace once again… But every time I woke up, I reminded myself that it was all just a dream, and that we can’t get back together..

I was the one who broke things off and now I’m the one writing this letter.. Pathetic right? I guess I was just afraid… I knew how badly it hurt when I left and I was afraid that the same thing will happen again.. I didn’t want to take the chance and go through that all over again. “If only I never let go of your hand… If only I woke up earlier that day…” That sentence is forever engraved in my mind and my heart. Now I have to tell you, If only I said something to you sooner, or sent this letter to you personally, “we” might not have only been referred to as the past. I still have the corsage you gave me for prom and I still read that last card you gave me… I know that you will probably never read this, but I need to say it. Or, well, write it. I needed to let it out because it was killing me inside. There’s so much more I wanted to tell you, but there’s no point now. You have your life and I have mine. I don’t want to interfere with what you have now and your happiness. My thoughts and feelings are things that I will get over with time. I want nothing more than for you to be happy and for you to realize and believe in your own potential.

Now that I’m in University, the single most common question I get asked is “So… Have you met anyone you’re interested in yet?”.

In high school, it was looked down on to be in a relationship because I was “too young” and I needed to “focus on school”. But, as soon as university started, people decided to do a complete 180. What makes me so different now? When I started university, I was only 2 months older than when I was in high school. Are you telling me now that it’s okay to be in a relationship because the status of being in a post-secondary institution makes me older? More mature?

I really hate it when I get asked that question by family and family friends every time they visit. They remind me that a lot of people find their soul mate during this time and I should really seize the opportunity. After having the same conversation over and over again, I start feeling rushed. Like I have to find someone within the few years I’m studying or else it will be significantly harder to do so and I might not be able to find my true love. To be honest, this mindset is horrible to have when looking for a potential partner because I’m feeling compelled to be in a relationship instead of being in one because I truly like the person. Also, with this mindset, I find it harder to find someone I’ll truly be happy with.

I’m in my second year of university, I’m not in a relationship, and currently, there’s no one I’m interested in being with. All I can say is give it time… Love isn’t something that should be rushed. When the time comes, I will find my soul mate and I will live my happily ever after. But until then, just be patient. I’m not in a rush to find someone, so why should you?

I grew up in a rather more traditional family setting where the father is the main figure. Regardless of how hard I try to explain my perspective, it’s always been turned upside down into something that’s no where near what my true intentions were. Every time I try to explain something, it would always be assumed that I’m directly attacking them as a person and thinking that in my mind, I’m better than them and that I’m doubting all that they are and did. It makes me so upset and disappointed in the fact that they still don’t understand what kind of person I am after watching me grow up… 19 years… It’s been 19 years and the outcome has been the same for 19 years. It frustrates me that he would even think that. I’m his daughter… I’m not some stranger he just met. I just don’t understand why he would assume that everything I say when trying to explain my perspective is a direct attack on him. It just makes no sense.

I’m so tired. I’m so tired of trying to explain myself in every conversation and trying to explain that I’m not attacking anyone, but merely trying to explain my perspective. I’m so tired of crying after every single conversation because of the misunderstandings. I’m so tired of trying to fix a situation that should never have occurred in the first place. I’m just so tired…

What is Love? Is it how the person looks when he/she is standing beside you? Is it the words they use when talking to you? Or is it the things that they do for you? Maybe it’s all of that combined… Or maybe it’s non of it.

Sometimes when you meet someone, you just know. You feel your heart racing faster and faster and as time progresses with that person, it all starts to make sense. It’s the way they look at you, how they make you smile, and how they make you feel. In those moments while you’re with them, even if it’s just for a second, you forget all about your flaws. They made you forget… Because they love you for who you truly are, without the makeup, the hairspray, the gel, the perfume, cologne, etc. They understand who you are behind the artificial cover.

Is that all love is though? Love is also the willingness to accept one another’s flaws and minor mistakes, while embracing each others’ differences. Love is so hard to explain, because it’s everything that person makes you feel, act, think, and how empty you feel when it’s no longer there.