Military engagement: Messages from others who went through separation are comforting

Theresa Stahl

12:03 AM, Mar 2, 2006

This continuing series follows the lives of Luke Anderson, 25, and Daily News reporter Theresa Stahl, 28. The couple was engaged in May and are planning an April wedding — after Luke returns from Iraq.

Sometimes the best encouragement during hard times comes from people who have been through the same experience.

That has been true during Luke's deployment. I have received letters from women who recited their vows and then had to say good-bye to their new husbands for one or two years when they were called to war.

When I hear their stories, I say a prayer of thanks that the separation between Luke and me only is for seven months. Their stories help me remember we're building a solid relationship.

Peggy Jalberts from Bonita Springs moved up her wedding six months when her husband-to-be, Norman, received orders to go to Korea in 1966.

Two months after they were married, he left for 13 months. They wrote letters to each other every day and spoke on the phone once — at 2 a.m. on their first anniversary.

"We survived and have enjoyed 40 wonderful years together," she wrote. "We do believe that the separation made our love for each other and our commitment even stronger."

Doretta Alger, a Marco Island woman, wrote to me in December after she read about how I have leaned on my faith to get me through this difficult time.

Her husband left for Europe during World War II when she was eight months pregnant. Arnold, who passed away six years ago, landed on Normandy on D-Day and fought in the Battle of the Bulge. He returned when their son was almost 2. Alger was delighted to hear about the strength I received from knowing Jesus Christ.

"I spent those months being frantic instead of relying on the Lord," wrote Alger, who found her faith later in life. "To think that you have that relationship with Jesus is such a blessing to you and to Luke."

Several readers who have family members in the military said they better understand what their loved ones are going through after reading this column.

Paula Ward, a "grown-up military brat," said she has new insight about her parents after reading about my experience. Her father served in the Air Force for 31 years through World War II, Korea and Vietnam.

"It takes a special couple to serve in the military. As a child my father was gone a lot, but I could always feel the love my mother had for him," wrote Ward, a Naples resident whose son, a first lieutenant in the Marine Corps, is stationed in the Phillipines. "She kept him ‘home' in her heart."

A few readers even sent Luke a care package. Bet Dewey of Naples said she's always looking for a combat serviceman to adopt and liked the local connection.

Her husband, Gary, spent eight years in the Navy as a pilot and 23 years total with the reserves, retiring as a commander. She also has a nephew who is a lieutenant in the Army.

"We are so grateful to the servicemen and women who put their lives in harm's way and just like to give back a little to make their lives a little easier," wrote Dewey, who sent Luke several packages.

Since Luke is based in California, I haven't had a chance to get to know many of the wives and girlfriends of other Marines, but the few I did have been supportive.

I've kept in touch with Amy Polk, whose boyfriend is about to leave for his second deployment. He left for Iraq the first time, when they had dated for only two months.

Amy, who lives in Santa Monica, created a name for the reaction she gets when she would tell people her boyfriend was in Iraq. She called it "the Iraq face," which is "this mixture of curiosity and wonder and a little bit of sympathy thrown in."

Her boyfriend, Pat Murray, sent flowers to her office every month on their anniversary, which prompted questions from her co-workers. When she would say "three months," she'd have to throw in the Iraq disclaimer, which then would result in getting the Iraq face.

"And they always say, ‘I could never do that,'" she wrote in an e-mail. "Which is when you want to say, well, it's not really something I ever thought I'd do, but here I am."

I received some flowers earlier this week — two roses from Luke signifying that our wedding is two months away. They were delivered to my workplace, where my co-workers responded with glee at the short amount of time remaining.

I, too, get the Iraq face at the office, and most of the time it is followed by words of support.

Now, my co-workers are getting ready to throw me a bridal shower, which will come after a shower in my Minnesota hometown this weekend.

After that, it's just a few more weeks until Luke and I see each other again.

It's encouraging to know that other women have been separated by war and have come out stronger because of it. I'm grateful they shared their stories with me, and hopeful Luke and I will be stronger for it, too.

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Military Engagement appears in Neapolitan on alternate Thursdays, through the couple's wedding date on April 29. The next column will appear on Sept. 1. To read previous columns, go to web.naplesnews.com/special/military engagement. Theresa Stahl can be contacted at tmstahl@naplesnews.com.