The ABC of relationships and renovating: does it work?

Ask any renovator the price of paint, tiles, timber or No-More-Gaps and they could probably tell you down to the last cent. It's that kind of game. But are we paying a more insidious cost in the pursuit of the perfect kitchen benchtop?

There's no doubt that renovating places a huge strain on even the strongest partnership. When you find yourself poring over colour charts for the 900th time that week, arguing whether to go for the Crescent or the Baroque or the Lancelot (who even knew that green could be called so many things?) and, worst of all, really, really caring about the tonal differences between the three, it can be an eye-opening experience.

Are you aware of your partner's preferences in tapware? You will be after you've been dragged through eight different plumbing supply shops and he's still searching for "one with less curves, I'll know it when I see it".

"It is incredibly stressful," says Melbourne-based psychologist Meredith Fuller. "There's no getting around that. You're taking a leap from the known to the unknown, you're losing all control and you don't know what's going to happen next. You see the worst of each other because you're under so much stress, and it's a shock. You're not prepared for the whole lot of decisions you're going to have to make and it's a real challenge to live in absolute chaos."

Considering that many of us can get away with making about three decisions every day -- will I get up?, what will I wear?, what will I have for dinner? -- the renovating process is mind-numbing. Not only are you choosing colours, fixtures and fittings, you have to choose tradesmen, check contracts, decide if you're going to oversee the work yourself, find someone to draw plans, decide how much you can spend (and try not to get too upset when you go over...) and the list goes on. Is it any wonder that we feel consumed by it -- to the exclusion of all else? Finding time to spend with the one you love can be relegated to 64th on the priority list -- you'd rather find time to talk to the builder!

And then there's the question of taste: if you want to create a Balinese haven and your partner is picturing a New-York-style warehouse, you've got more than geography to sort out. One couple I've heard of got to the stage where he would paint the hallway pale blue every time she left the house and she'd repaint it cream while he was at work. Eventually, she did a final coat in black, just before she walked out for the last time.

To avoid such drama, there are a few rules to follow: talk about ideas (with magazine photos in hand) before you so much as pick up a hammer, work out what you can live with and what you definitely can't -- and then compromise again, and always make sure there's a small space in the house that's completely renovation-free (no dust, no paint charts, no 'mood boards') so you have an escape hatch.

Any others? How did you avoid divorce while you did up the bathroom/kitchen/back-end of the house?

Pic supplied by Jessica Elmer

Posted
by Alex MayOctober 11, 2007 3:25 PM

LATEST COMMENTS

Post a comment

Name:

Email Address:

URL:

Remember Me? YesNo

Your comments:

Security Code:

Alex May is the author of Planning Your Perfect Home Renovation. She promises to tell it like it is when it comes to renovation, and hold your hand through the process. Stay tuned for tips, guidance and general guff about homes and how we live.