Tiny Tales of Love (Pt. 1)

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The
trees were shadows in the dark silence. Next to each other they walked,
silently. She didn't know what to say. This oppressive silence. She was
glad when he started talking, although afterwards she could remember
his words only vaguely, as they walked together under the cover of the
trees along the parkway.

»What were you up to today?« He kept his voice in a calm tone, but she could see how tense he was.

»Went to the cinema with a bunch of friends.«

»Was it any good? The movie, I mean.«

She stopped and looked at him. »What did you want to talk about?«

He
cleared his throat. She watched him rub his hands against his sweater.
»Well, yeah. So...« He looked down. »We've known each other for awhile
now...«

Two
weeks, she thought. Fourteen damn days. She felt her heart flutter
faintly. Felt his words even before he voiced them. There it was, the
feeling, sitting heavily in her stomach like a spiky creature that
coiled and twisted deep down inside. She knew what was coming.

»... and I realized...« He took a breath. »That I'm in love with you. I think I... love you.«

Silence. How loudly the blood was pulsing through her head, she thought. And she knew she had to say something, but what.

»I...
suppose I knew you'd say that«, she said. On his face - it was so open,
so vulnerable, she couldn't look at him any longer - there the pain was
as if she had slapped him in the face. She wanted to slap herself, but

It
took him a few moments to take in her words. Slowly he went on. She
followed him. »I don't know what to...« She broke off. »I'm not good at
this.«

»You are the first one I've told something like this.« He looked up and gave a shaky smile. She didn't smile back.

He nodded slowly. »I want to know what you think about this. How you feel.«

She
felt sick. The darkness came creeping towards her from all sides. She
looked down so she wouldn't have to see his face. Grovel crunched under
their steps. How she felt about it? What a stupid question. His words swirled around in her head. Why now? Why did he have to right now -

»I
knew you were going to ask me something like this.« She spoke slowly.
Numbly. Damn it, what was she gonna say? »Look, I... I know it's not
fair towards you. But I'm not sure what to think of all that. I need
time. Time to think, and to... I don't know. I just don't know.«

He
nodded. He tried to hide it from her, but she could see how miserable
he was. She felt disgusting. But it was the truth: she did not know how
she felt. She did not know what she wanted. Knew nothing at all. That
was the truth, was it not?

»Yeah. Sure«, he said. His voice strangely hoarse. »Take your time.« Perhaps this was the worst, his understanding words.

Silently
they walked side by side, from time to time brushing each others arms.
Silently they listened to the whispering voices of the night, gradually
filtering down to them. Silently they walked along the gravel path. And
silently, silently they stood still among the shades of the trees by
their bikes.

With his thin face he turned to her. »Well.«

»Well...«
She didn't know what to say. It was nice, see you tomorrow, bye. She
wanted to reach out her hand, touch him, but there was something between
them, the spoken words and the unspoken, separating them.

For
a few heartbeats they stood in the dark silence, then she couldn't bear
it any more. She said: »I am sorry. I am.« Words without meaning.

He shrugged. »Don't be.« But she saw it in his eyes. She was a dodger, and he was a liar.