If you are a lupus-fighter, like me, then you probably spend a good chunk of time in bed watching whatever is on TV.

Diva’s note: It is OK to spend some good restful time in bed. You and I need our rest. Now [shaking finger at you], don’t be spending every waking minute in bed– time is precious.

Interrupting my precious TV are the holiday-gift-giving-ideas of commercials that keep displaying on the screen. One in particular that catches my attention is the Words with Friends board game. How many of you have thought the following: “Why don’t they just call it what it really is…. SCRABBLE.”

If you don’t realize that this board game is just Scrabble with a niftier title than you are just too young…

My plan this holiday season will be to re-gift my scrabble board game to someone of the younger generation.

It is Day 2. So, here’s a short-and-sweet update on my progress to resolving my energy crisis. These horse-pills have joined my morning pill-swallowing routine. I take 2 of these a day (recommended dose):

1. Pills smell FUUUUUNKY. The funk punches me in the face as soon as I open the bottle. I would rather be in a room filled with dirty baby diapers covered in sewage (Yes, the smell is that bad.).
2. These pills taste as funky as they smell and induce my gag reflexes (go ahead and insert your dirty joke here).
3. Energy boost is noticeable. Yesterday was my first work-day with these smelly pills in my sysyem. I arrived to a desk covered in multiple projects that had to be done by that day. While reviewing my task list, I thought it would be easier to run a marathon in heels while torturing myself to the music of One Direction and Taylor Swift. Somehow, I came out as a winner and finished all my tasks– AND still had enough energy to stay out of bed until 10pm to work on my personal projects!! Either I was lucky or these pills actually work. But I’m not drawing any conclusions just yet. It is only Day 2.

I let lupus get the best of me! AGAIN! I hate to admit this but for the past 3 months, I have been in hiding and nothing, not even a huge bottle of CYMBALTA, could get me out of the dumps. I had lost my DIVA-ATTITUDE! You want to know why? Because, Lupus sucks the big ONE. I am so over this disease. Let me share my tale of terror.

FIRST, I had to come to the following as a 30-something-year-old woman: 1) I can no longer live alone and had to move-in with my parents, 2) I can no longer drive… people of Houston were in danger, 3) I can no longer work a full 50-hour work week, and 4) OPIOID DEPENDENT. If that wasn’t pyschologically-ball-busting enough, my body decided to join the fun. In addition to fighting off daily-minute-by-minute pain, brittle bones, and trying to function with a crappy-central nervous system, I come to realize that my kidneys have thrown in the towel and my ovaries felt the need to funk out (aka premature ovary failure. Now my 60-year-old tia and I can bitch about hot flashes together, and I can gain 5lbs by looking at a cupcake). Soon I will be telling tales of the diva with lupus nephritis. Surprisingly, my liver is still holding on by a string. Apparently, all that training of binge drinking and drug use I put it through during my younger years paid off. On top of that, I have been exhausted and fatigued because my lone-leukocyte from my non-existent immune system (thank you, Benlysta) has been fighting infections left and right, including urine, respiratory and folliculitus (infection of the hair follicles– lame).

Of course, I still had to deal with life. And I may have not done such a great job with dealing with it. I had responsibilities like: going to work, submitting a grant, doing maid-of-honor stuff for my friend (the bride-to-be), and still try to maintain my composure. AND people still wanted me to be social and attend birthday dinners and game night?!?! YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME! What I really wanted to do was: Tell my boss to go to hell, NOT submit the grant that won’t get funded because of some political reason, tell my friend that I could care LESS about her bachelorette weekend and that she could shove her royal-wedding theme bridal shower (her idea) up her small ass, and crawl into bed with two-handfuls of vicodin and Norco. HOW DARE YOU?!?

WHEW! There you have it fans, I just queened out.

All of this was physically and emotionally exhausting- which induces flares. I am confident that everything will be OK. I trust that I am in good hands with Dr. Lupus and I have tremendous support from my family and my close friends. These are the guys that are always there, even when I feel like shit. They get it. So, why am I sharing this story? I do not share my stories for your sympathy or your “I’m sorry”. Because, I am not sorry. I am grateful for this experience. I am realizing more about myself and others through this process. I am actually lucky.. VERY LUCKY. I am grateful to even be breathing and able to type this out to school my fans. 😉

Take your pen and paper out, fans. Because here is your lesson that you will never forget. If you are able to blink and take a breath, you are STILL STANDING.

I tell myself the following phrase everyday:

I have everything within me to conquer the world.

Now, I may do it at a slower pace, but DAMNIT I will do it. It sounds lame, fans, but we can do it. Do not let lupus (or anyone else) bring you down.

The DIVA is back and this is a turning point in my journey and I am looking forward it.