My stepson is stealing from me.

This has been a reoccurring issue. It relates to a thread I posted the other day about dss mother (who is a nightmare will link to thread. However I was thinking about this and I think it needs its own thread.

My dss has stolen £100 from my purse over 3 occasions. Money has gone missing from my dc bedrooms and he has used my dh and there cards online. He is not hard done by the money goes on buying more trainers and clothes.

He is not a thief outside he has never shoplifted as far as I'm away. The trouble is he will never own up to it. Even when I caught him with the money. Then we have dh's ex who will defend him.

Absolutely call the police, report it, and he deserves the punishment he gets. And whilst you shouldn't have to, consider a mini sage to keep purses etc in so he cannot physically get to your money and cards.

Locks on bedroom doors. Keep all your money locked away. Maybe get a cheap safe. Don't allow any circumstances where he might get the opportunity to steal. Shouldn't bother him too much if he 'isn't stealing'. If it does upset him it's probably because he can no longer get to your money.

'I would rather not call the police because I think that would be the end for any chance of a relationship between me and him.'

It sounds as though he needs firm boundaries and though you fear for your relationship, in time he may thank you as you've shown concern/interest. I suspect it's attention seeking. A visit from the local PCSO might be a good idea.

I think he may resent your place in hid dad's life, and the stealing is a way of taking something from you to compensate. His batsh1t-crazy mother may also be encouraging him (having read your previous thread, she sounds spiteful and unhinged). She may have even suggested it "Les takes all your dad's money. She owes you. Just take it - there's nothing they can do. It serves her/them right. You're entitled, your dad should be paying a lot more maintenance but that thriving trollop gets everything that should be ours" etc

Whatever theirs and outs, she misdoing him no favours by allowing him to steal and covering for him. He will develop a huge sense of entitlement and invulnerability - and one day he will do something similar to someone else who upsets him and he will end up in jail.

I feel for him, actually, because I think he's a very unhappy child. He will naturally be supportive and even protective of his mother, and she is using him as a weapon against his dad - whom he also loves. The obvious target is the only person he doesn't feel he has to have any loyalty to - you.

Perhaps he even hopes that if he forces you away his parents will get back together. He may be an irritating, disrespectful little bugger but he is still a child, is going through adolescence (and that's bloody awful for any of us) and is probably full of anger and confusion that he dare not take out on his mother because she'd probably have no qualms about kicking him out (but still manage to blame you and your DH).

How old was he when his parents separated? How is he managing at school? Does he have friends he can enjoy himself with?

I don't envy you coping with even the best-behaved adolescent - it is a difficult time all round.

I had this situation with an ex foster child placed with us on a permenant basis.

He stole from me on several occasions. We made excuses. We forgave him. What actually happened was that this gave him the green light to steal more, from other members of the family and later from other people too. Each time he got away with things, he escalated things further. He got more sophisticated, it became very serious. During this time he was supported by social workers who also gave him chance after chance.

Eventually it became more serious and he had to leave our care. We, and others, reported him to the police, but again because of his past was given chances that he did not deserve. This lead him to believe he was a master criminal and he committed numerous far more serious crimes in the community.

What I would do could I turn back time? I would have reported him to the police at a much earlier time. I would have done everything I could to ensure he was prosecuted? I would have taken a very hard and firm line, and would not have made excuses for him. In doing that I could have potentially saved him.