You’re Doing It Wrong: Valentine’s Day

Ahh another year, another Hallmark Card Holiday! I’ll admit that Valentine’s Day is higher above other fake holidays, such as Sweetest Day, or Easter, but most people are just missing the point. Valentine’s Day isn’t about pushing chocolates and flowers around; it’s about the hilarious pranks you should be doing.

Be advised: Planet Arbitrary accepts zero responsibility for any damaged relationships that these tips may cause. Here are my picks for the top 5 Valentine’s Day pranks:

Prank #5: Leave a Valentine’s card on your friend’s car windshield from the ugly lady you work with that smells like cat piss. Also make sure to incorporate as many cat-puns as you can into the card.

Prank #4: Hate your sister’s new boyfriend? Drop a quick tablet of ex-lax in his drink before they go on their romantic Valentine’s dinner he has planned at White Castle.

Prank #3: Print out your own candy hearts on one of the many websites that do this, with things like “I <3 Buttsex” or “Your sister’s hotter”.

Prank #2: Send your co-worker some flowers as their girlfriend with a card that says “Happy Valentine’s Day… from both of us :-)” and attach a picture of any ultrasound that you find on Google Images.

Prank #1: Work at a restaurant? Plant some fake engagement rings into couple’s food and watch the awkward hilarity ensue.