The New Katy Perry Fragrance, 'Killer Queen: Royal Revolution', May Actually Be a Sedative, Judging From This Crazy Commercial

If you haven’t been keeping up with global scented-water affairs, we have got some news for you… Katy Perry’s new perfume commercial for Killer Queen: Royal Revolution was released earlier this week. In classic Katy Perry fashion, this commercial is, well, kind of a one-dimensional farce of girliness. Add to this the fact that she's blatantly selling a product, and we have a consumerist hymn thinly filtered through a veil of faux female empowerment. Well, at least she's sort of taking a break from cultural appropriation. Plus, there's sword-fighting and kittens! Let’s break the mother down, shall we?

The two-minute-long commercial follows a long-legged cartoon Perry on her quest to conquer an evil medieval (?) warlock, who has kidnapped the first-born daughters of X Provincial Neighboring Village. The aforementioned warlock intends to transform all the hot, thin villager daughters into his Goth Stepford Wives. The horror of it all... Somebody save them! Luckily, the townie girls have a messiah in Katy Perry. Clad in a Zorro mask and a monogrammed military shrug, this warrior princess is ready for battle. She’s gonna rescue the crap out of all those docile normals!

Check it out for yourself below. What could possibly be in that bottle? Given its apparent powers as a mild sedative, I'm thinking it's either chloroform, ether, or warthog methane. That is, a particular kind of chloroform, ether, or warthog methane that Katy Perry has built up an immunity to...

Katy Perry Fragrances on YouTube

There you have it, folks. By either knocking out all your hypermachismo assailants, or turning them into women and cats, perfume will save the day. Wee, girl power! After all, if anything will vanquish the tyranny of patriarchy, it's buying stuff. Specifically, stuff that will make you smell like a girl. You know, pretty and sweet and not at all like BO or farts, because girls physically can't produce any undesirable smells.