Back in the 1960s, F. Ray Forman owned the Oxford Theater. I guess that gave him the right to censor films. My source is Dick Buechler, who I don't question on his Oxford Village history.

Anyway, Ingrid Bergman was featured in a movie, and was pregnant when the film hit Oxford. Because Ms. Bergman wasn't married, Mr. Forman wouldn't show the film.

These days he'd show no films.

• My memory goes way back, too. I distinctly remember one of my elementary teachers saying, "If you say something 'may' then therefore there is also a 'may not.' I think of that whenever a product is advertised, as in "It may cause . . . "

• I dislike hearing people refer to Wednesday as the 'hump' day.

• Congressman Mike Rogers, of Brighton, MI, is chairman of the House Homeland Security Commission on Transportation. Speaking to the Oxford Rotary Club last week he painted a very disturbing picture of China's increasing involvement in military and economic areas all over the world. I asked him which we should fear most. He said they are equally frightening.

• Story time: An old wooden church in this town needed painting. The pastor divided the members in two, asking one group to paint the front half, the other the back half.

After a few hours the front half spokesman said they were running out low paint. The pastor said to add thinner. Shortly the back half was running low, and the pastor said to add thinner.

There followed a roaring voice from above, "Repaint, all you thinners!"

• There's commercial on the tube for lanterns like my daddy used to wave to engineers on the Grand Trunk railroad in Durand. They are about a foot high with a round globe. They are now called Brooklyn Lanterns, "genuine authentic antique." Wow! a genuine antique.

• I obviously watch too much television, because there's an ad for No. 1 hairspray and the No. 1 recommended cleaner. Never heard of either of them.

• You should worry if you're on a flight with Peter Pan. You may end up in never-never land.

• Forty years ago Derek Wernher from Metamora was commissioned to make some bronze sculptures of Chet Huntley at his Wyoming ranch for a promotion of the Huntley-Brinkly news show. He needed to practice because his hands needed to be stronger to work the clay.

I said he could practice on me. He agreed, for a small payment. I took this life-size bronze to the office recently to brag, and was surprised to see the heads turn so quickly when I asked, "Wanna see my bust?"

• You can lead a man to Congress but you can't make him think.

• What do you call a man who's lost 75 percent of his intelligence? Divorced.

• A man walks into a bar. There's a beautiful woman sitting at the bar, and they sit and have drink together. She leans over and says, "I want you to make me feel like a real woman." So he takes off his jacket and says, "I need this ironed."

• Aging is when you've come a long way and just ran out of gas.

• The "suburbs" are where they cut down all the trees then name streets after them.