How to be a buddhist mom?

I want to be more compassionate, patient and understanding. I want to be organized and be more attentive. I see all the things I can and should improve on and feel irritated with myself because I don't feel like I'm accomplishing much.

I am a stay-at-home mother of 3 children... 3,4, and 15 years old. I home school them all, because my husband wants them home schooled, and I also believe that it is the best option for them right now.

I try to meditate each morning and night before I go to sleep and I have started to attend a Buddhism group every week near my town. Yet I don't feel myself getting more compassionate and patient.

The only improvement I have made in the last two months is being able to keeping my calm around my husband. (He has a hard time controlling his anger and I've learned to deal with that by not reflecting his anger back at him. ) when he comes home... (which is every two to 3 weeks. For a couple of days. )

How do you deal with children's negative behaviors and inconsideration to others? How do you discipline them? How do you keep yourself from nagging and yelling at them for messing up the house or not following instructions or home rules?

Oh, I'm so glad you've asked these questions. Patience comes with presence. When you lose the attachment you hold to the last moment and the next moment, you are able to focus on this one. Just as when you sit for meditation and breathe in to greet this moment and breathe out to let it pass, you can breathe through the experiences that you come to meet everyday. Acknowledge that something is happening first. Then accept it. Then you may go on to understand it. Human beings find it most difficult to accept what they don't understand. They feel vulnerable through this decision, however, I believe that through accepting before you understand, you are more able and open to truly understanding the nature of the situation. Here is an example. Your three year old is screaming bloody murder a half hour after you think she's asleep. This interrupts your perception of reality that your child is asleep. You've become reactive because your reality was just fiddled with. You were attached to that reality. Nothing else was real. You can't understand this, so you believe that you can't accept it. So you're frustrated and you go to her and ask her why she is up or why she is screaming or why this that and the other thing which will likely cause her to become more upset. This is attachment to the past. Those things can't change anymore. They're irrelevant. What you can do now instead is look at the situation and acknowledge that it is happening, then accept that it is happening the way that it is happening and be fluid with it. Don't react to it; be water, flow with it, move through and around it. Static objects are hard to change, fluid is flexible and tolerant and softens rough edges. Back to the situation with the screaming toddler. You go in and you can ask what you can do to help. Acknowlede verbally only what is obvious. "I see you're upset. What can we do to help you calm down, and get back to sleep?" The screaming continues. "I need you to be able to hear me and speak with me calmly so that we can understand eachother. Do you want my help?" Screaming continues. Becoming upset yourself, and reflecting the behavior your child is projecting gives a subconscious note to the child that their own behavior in the situation is acceptable. If you are asking a child not to run, walk. If you are asking a child not to scream, whisper. You can be firm in this, of course, but with children and rules and discipline, stay calm and present yourself, it won't hurt you and you won't regret it. Ever. There is no regret to maintaining your composure internally and externally. You have to believe that the situation IS okay and that it will change before you act on it. Acting on something that you don't believe in doesn't work. Your energy doesn't suit it. Don't discipline them. Unless they are going to become hurt (other than minor falls, scrapes and bruises, etc.) or die, let their consequences come to them. Don't protect them from karma, which is directly translated to "cause and effect". At another time, teach them using their actions as an example and ask them what they think will happen because of that action. Stop trying to immediately stop the behavior. First, acknowledge, accept, understand, and then understand for the second time when teaching your child what you just learned. Teach them how to work through these situations on their own and have them try before you step in to help. Don't scold; remind. You scolding them tells them they don't know it. Reminding them tells them that it's already within themself waiting for discovery. When my own daughter doesn't like the effect her actions have, I remind her that everything that happens is for a reason; that something caused it to. That her own actions will produce effects that she may or may not desire. I remind her that sometimes we need to act based on the effect it will have, not based on the attraction of the action that causes it. And then, at the very end I tell her, we decide our own happiness. We decide what we accept and let go of, and what we attach to. When you attach something to you, it becomes part of who you are. Whatever you attach to you, will continue to move on, no matter how deeply you nail it in. When it leaves, it will hurt as though its taking a piece of you with it. You can avoid this through universal acceptance of what is and what can be. Forget the word, "should." There is no, "should." There is only could and can and is and was. Should doesn't exist in the natural world. It's only existence is in your mind. "I should have swept the floor." --- You don't like the effect not sweeping the floor has; a dirty floor. You are attaching to the fact that you didn't sweep it and you are now unhappy with reality of a dirty floor. You've not accepted the dirty floor. "I could have swept the floor." --- But I know that I no longer can change something that could have happened in that moment that I decided not to. I know the floor is dirty, and unless I do sweep it now, it will continue to be dirty. The should leaves you stuck in something that could have happened and can seemingly no longer change. The could leaves the door open for can. So I'm not sure I answered all of the questions, I was only loosely basing what I was typing off of what you inquired about. Revision!

Discipline - Let karma fall where she will. Then teach them that this is only natural.

Nagging them and yelling - Project the behavior you want to see reflected in them. Help them. Let them watch you. Place yourself in their perspective. If you were that child, would it help you more to be accepted, helped and understood, or to be criticized?

Altrusism > Attachment. Love your children just the same and remind yourself that you love them more than you dislike their actions. Be stronger than your weaknesses. This is as much a lesson to you in tolerance and patience as it is to them in cause and effect.

Hi all! I'm a FTM (first time mom) and my DD (dear daughter) is 2 months today! She is a treasure and pure joy of my existence!

My issue is with my MIL, she wants to my DD (dear daughter) to be baptized. My SO (significant other) is not very religious and wants to do it "just in case" . Which I think is the stupidest idea ever! My MIL (mother-in-law) was a former Methodist minister and has deep convictions towards Christian rituals and rights of passages. I want to be supportive of their religion but I feel my MIL (mother-in-law) is already planning for the event. Unfortunately my SO (significant other) these has become the "pleaser" since our DD (dear daughter) birth , where he will just do/say things to avoid an argument, so at this point it's really up to me stand my ground with this.
It's not that I want my daughter to be Buddhist, I want her to be able to make the choice of her faith that is right for her when she is ready.

I'm not sure how to approach this without hurting someone's feeling or at some point and time me giving in to something I totally don't agree with. Any advice would be helpful....

BTDT (been there, done that) with two children. DH (dear husband) and I were raised Catholic . We converted to Buddhist before we had children. Families insisted on infant baptism. I met with the priest before the mass and answered his questions honestly. Will you raise your child in the faith? No, I believe my child should be able to choose their faith when they get older. Will you teach your child the word of the Bible? no I do not believe the Bible is a religious text. the priest then declined baptized it was no longer my refusal but rather the church's refusal.

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Holding onto anger is like throwing a hot coal at your enemy. You still burn yourself.

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