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Monday, February 23, 2015

Look What You Did to Her-hiney!

Let me preface this post with this: I really have nothing against Emma Watson. Truth be told, I think the girl is rather lovely and is quite blessed to be born with probably one of the most perfect faces I have ever seen (and, trust me, I have seen A LOT of faces in my day). Perfect face, totally chill girl. I do not want any absurd Harry Potter fanatics torching my house or fucking my invisible boyfriend, so let's just get it out in the open: Hermione is alright.

So, no one get emotional or try to do any ridiculous wand tricks or place any silly spells on me for what I am about to say.

I have been watching things play out this past year without speaking (I know, how totally bizarre). In the past few months, Emma Watson has launched this "HeforShe" campaign. In short, this is a gender equality campaign, looking to recruit men as "agents of change" for women's rights. Look it up on wikipedia if you do not know, you ignorant fucks. Am I supposed to research everything for you biddies? Jeez.

Anyways, recently, Watson described the widespread success of the campaign. The campaign has gained many supporters, including (allegedly) the one and only Prince Harry!!!!!!!! Watson's words aside, I could not help but notice the widespread attention HeForShe has been gaining on social media by unlikely feminists. White girls who never cared about feminism before are suddenly ALLLL about it. Boys who, in all likelihood, still do not care about feminism are claiming solidarity! They are all just tweeting away, as I speak, hash-tagging HeForShe like there is no tomorrow.

So many are entering this feminism party a litttttttle too late (this feminism rager, if you will). Newsflash: women have been tooting this feminist horn for years (Feminism: killing boners since 500 BC!) I literally can not even NAME all of the women who have been scrutinized because of their connection to the word "feminism." Now, all of a sudden, you have this hot, sexy little wizard telling you feminism is a turn-on and now every single girl (and guy) are taking part in bra burning rituals near and far.

For instance, Lena Dunham, stands for similar things as Emma Watson (is claiming to stand for) and all Lena Dunham has received is criticism, body-shaming and projectile vomit. Lena Dunham is not conventionally good looking, or thin for that matter, and therefore her words are way less enticing.

The truth hurts but it is apparent that pretty, skinny and perfect faced women are the only women we care to listen to. But wait, how is that feminism or equality at all? Aren't all of you ignorant, self-loathing females projecting the same superficial standards that you claim to be protesting? Oh, you silly, naive biddies... back to square one, aren't you?

And all of you "men" who claim to be in solidarity with HeForShe, is this not some elaborate, fantastical ruse to get into Emma Watson's pants?

Do we all just, secretly (or not so secretly), want to fuck Emma Watson? And if so, why can't we just say that instead of pretending we give two shits about gender equality. Fuck unequal pay, we all just want our dicks sucked and I will be the asshole who blows your cover.