Finally! An Energy Bar For Former Presidents!

April 6, 2015

We already knew being an ex-president was a pretty sweet gig. You have your own library, you’re invited to give speeches, and you even get to keep your Secret Service detail. But if you can believe it, being a previous commander-in-chief just got even better, because now there’s an energy bar for former presidents!

That’s right! Colorado-based company Pangea Foods has finally introduced Odyssey Bars, a new heart-healthy, all-natural energy bar designed specifically to meet the nutritional demands of those who once occupied the Oval Office.

“The Odyssey Bar has all of the essential ingredients needed by people who previously ran the executive branch of the federal government,” said Pangea Foods CEO Jared Reasor, who says that the new granola-based protein supplement includes over 22 essential vitamins and nutrients in order to maximize energy and metabolism in those who once held the nation’s highest political office. “Each bar has exactly what you need to power through a busy afternoon, without sacrificing any taste. This is a mid-afternoon pick-me-up ex-presidents will want to eat.”

And boy, are they successful! During an initial test run in select Whole Foods and GNC stores, the energy bars quickly sold out. The company has since increased distribution to virtually every major grocery chain in America.

“Before Odyssey Bars, I was always eating candy or drinking soda in the afternoon just to get that cheap sugar rush, but that always led to the inevitable crash an hour or so later,” said Jimmy Carter, the 39th president of the United States and a paid spokesperson for Odyssey Bars. “But these Odyssey Bars are amazing. They’re the perfect snack to help get me through my day. Sometimes I’ll just have one or two of them for breakfast.”

“And what’s great is that they come in all these different flavors: Harvest Trail Mix, Chocolate Chunk, Berry Blast—of course, the peanut butter ones are my favorite,” added Carter. “But then again, it’s no secret that I’m partial to peanuts.”

Wow! Anyone else getting pretty hungry right about now?

Though President Barack Obama surely has a lot left on his political agenda, we bet he’s getting psyched for Inauguration Day 2017, when he can finally get his hands on some of these energy bars. Sorry, POTUS—these snacks aren’t for you yet!