Get pregnant. See heartbeat. Tell everyone. Miscarry. Get angry. Bitter. Bitter. Still bitter. Fertility testing. PCOS. Treatment. Pregnant. Hold breath... hold breath... hold breath... and exhale. Finally a mommy, minus my innocence. I am so lucky. It's not always fun, but it is entertaining... to my readers. Any resemblance to good advice, living or dead, is purely coincidental. Welcome to the dream factory.

Friday, May 25, 2007

Ultrasound day

We had our ultrasound this morning.

Lumpy is measuring 7w2d, right on schedule. The sac is also the perfect size. Cervix is 3.5 cm long, which is apparently excellent. Lumpy's little heart is fluttering away in there... so fast. The doctor thinks that based on Lumpy's location in my ute, I'll have a posterior placenta - meaning that I'll be able to feel Lumpy move sooner. He said that everything looks perfect, and our chances of getting a healthy baby out of this are excellent.

So why don't I feel any better?

If you recall, 7w2d was when we saw squishy's heartbeat. Everything looked fine then too. Can you blame me for not feeling excited yet? No matter how low the chances of miscarriage are, they were just as low last time - and we all know how that ended.

I don't think I'll feel much better until we get past the point where we lost squishy. Even then... I'm so hyper-aware that there are lots of things that can go wrong. So while a Fertile Myrtle would be thrilled and excited about the baby, I'm still skeptical that it's going to happen. I'm in a holding pattern. With nausea.

It sucks that we can't just sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride. I think we should just forget it and try to do just that. There's nothing about the way we feel that is going to change the outcome, so why not enjoy it? At least that's what I'm trying to tell myself most of the time.

Besides, the chances of this happening to you twice Sara have got to be very, very small. Take comfort in that if you can...

I know your nervous and I don't blame you one bit, but your going to really want to enjoy this pregnancy. I've never been in your situation, so I really have NO right to tell you how to feel, I just don't want you too miss out on the exciting part of being pregnant. We will all be here to lift you up when your nervous or down,so whatever your feeling............let it out and be happy:)Love and STICKY DUST!!

Yippeee!!!I totally get your worry on this front..but like the others, I'll be super positive and hopeful for you...unless of course you'd like me to hold on to the worry so you can be positive...i'd be happy to oblige!!

and no, we've never played music together...perhaps soon?!peaceshlomit