Category Archives: Uncategorized

There is something to be said about competitiveness and winning and losing…

I used to be such an asshole when it came to playing games. We played long, long games of Carioca when I was a kid. I always got my ass kicked by the older (read: grown ups) more experienced players and they rubbed my ‘stupidity’ (<<< their words not mine) mercilessly in my face. I hated it and always wanted so badly to win so they would know that ‘I was smart too’. That was my take on it as a child.

My youngest sons dad was pretty talented. And in many ways he knew it. He was a musician and a gamer. He played everything. No instrument intimidated him. And he was a seriously tight player, a total perfectionist. Me being a shadow artist, who once played guitar, busking as a teenager, with her own songs; I had smashed my guitar all over the dumpster shortly after my oldest son was born: ‘Moms can’t be musicians. Moms have to be responsible….’ I was pretty intimidated by his abilities.

Initially, I admired his gifts. Eventually, I grew jealous of them. And him. We tried to write and play music together. But both of our egos were just way too big. And those sessions often ended in me feeling like complete shit. Him too.

In the end, I was the one who listened for the slightest offbeat or off note when he would mix his music. I was excellent at that and it caused zero friction.

He loved gaming though, like I said – PC, PS, cards, board games, dice…. And of course, not really having a mind of my own back then, I got into gaming at first because of him. But I was an asshole. If I lost I was so mad, it was like everything was at stake if I lost against him. Sometimes he would say things like,’It’s ok to lose.’ Or ‘Losing can be fun too.’ Other times he was a jerk about it too though, ‘Hahahaha you suck, Kristie!’ Jeering like a madman.

Until one day, after a three day Lord of The Rings RISK marathon, he completely slaughtered me. And I flipped the entire board, pieces flying everywhere. He said he would never game with me again.

Definitely one of my worst moments as a human being. I felt so bad after what I had done, I went and hid in the bedroom bawling my wild head off.

I was so ashamed. So childish. He was of course, incredibly unimpressed with me. We stopped playing for a couple of years after that, until I was able to demonstrate and establish that I had changed.

Fast forward to now. One child later. And of course, Mason’s dad and I, we’ve been separated now for almost four years. I’ve grown a lot in the last 13-14 of those years. Seen a lot, learned a lot, went through a lot. Been around people for whom competition was their life. They lived and breathed it. And I saw its destructiveness and realized all too well what it was about.

I’m thankful that I had the lessons that I’ve had for I wouldn’t be me without them…

But, my youngest and I have been playing the game ‘War’ in the car with a deck of cards before his friends get to the park in the morning before school.

‘War’ is a two player game where you deal the cards face down, equally, and then both of you, put one card face up in front of each other, whomever has the higher card wins and takes the cards. If you have the same card, both of you throw down three cards face down and the last card face up. Whomever has the highest card wins there as well.

And I can see that already, within his 8 year old self, he has my competitive streak like I did. And it worries me for him…

I wanted to reflect back to him what he was dishing while we played. So I did. I started laughing at him when he lost a round, poking at him, ‘hahaha, I win’. And I could see that it was bothering him when I did that.

So after he won a round I asked him curiously,’Why do I have to lose in order for you to feel good? Why does it feel good for you when I lose?’

And he said,’I don’t know.’

I looked at him and said quietly,’Is it because you feel bad about yourself? You feel like you have nothing to feel good about?’

He sat back abruptly, not looking at me,’Yes.’

I reached over, pulling him to me and hugged him hard, rubbing his back….

And I dealt the cards, face up this time not face down into two separate piles… One for me. One for him. One for me. One for him. We looked on as I dealt them. My heart began sinking a little…. I got all but one of the aces, a really good chunk of the high cards and he got the rest. Every time I got a high card and he got a low card, ‘I’m gonna lose,’ he’d say… ‘I’m gonna lose.’

I just kept saying,’You don’t know that.’

When I was done we flipped our piles over and started playing… We focused on enjoying each other and having fun.

By the time we were done, I had only won four of those rounds, with 13 of those cards left in my hand. He had all the rest. But he didn’t realize it.

I told him to stack his cards straight on edge.

Then I showed him my winnings. And asked him to show me his…

He looked at his and mine side by side. And then locked eyes with me.

I broke into a huge grinn at him….

And he beamed back at me…
‘See? I don’t have to win in order to feel good. Me and you both thought I was gonna win, didn’t we?’

He nodded.

‘But that’s the thing about cards, Mace… This game isn’t about your brains and how smart you are. It’s about chance. It’s about how the cards show up in the game. Not everything is about how you play it. We don’t have to beat each other down to have fun. We can just play and enjoy each other’s company.’

He said he was sorry. I told him it was ok. And he went on his way with a hug and a long kiss on his forehead…

“Veganic agriculture is an approach to growing plant foods that encompasses a respect for animals, the environment, and human health. Also known as “stockfree” “vegan organic” and “plant-based,” this is a form of agriculture that goes further than organic standards, by eliminating the use of products that are derived from confined animals and by encouraging the presence of wild native animals on the farmland.
Organic farmers are currently permitted to use animal products as fertilizers, such as manure, blood meal, bone meal, feather meal, and fish emulsion, but these animal products are often obtained from intensive farms and slaughterhouses. Not only does large-scale animal farming have a heavy impact on the environment, most modern farm animals are kept in highly confined conditions and are exposed to a variety of contaminants. Veganic agriculture breaks the link between livestock operations and the production of organic plant-foods by maintaining fertility using plant-based techniques.
Like organic agriculture, veganic doesn’t use the following products for growing plant foods:
– No pesticides (herbicides, insecticides, rodenticides, fungicides)

– And all other techniques that are sustainable and don’t rely on the exploitation of animals.
Beyond that, veganic agriculture seeks to demonstrate a more sustainable way to farm, with reduced dependence on fossil fuels. As much as possible, veganic farmers produce their sources of fertility directly on the farm. The veganic maxim is that by feeding the soil, the soil will feed the plants. By adding organic plant-based materials to the soil, this produces rich living soil that is bountiful with microorganisms, which in turn feed the plants and create long-term fertility. Veganic techniques aim to replenish biodiversity of plants and animals, and veganic growers are dedicated to the care of the wild ecology that surrounds and makes up their farmland.”

Winter sowing is something I learned about almost 6 years ago. Totally changed the way I gardened and enabled me to get my hands dirty in the winter. It also produced a large volume of plants earlier, that were hardier, in a very small amount of space.

Save as many of your plastic containers as you can. Or ask your neighbors for theirs.

Smaller containers are best. Maybe 250-500mLs.

Poke holes in the bottom for drainage. Place a tiny bit of newspaper crumpled up into the bottom. Water slightly till it can easily be pushed down. Fill with dirt up to the top leaving a finger joint width of space. Water the dirt well till it drains out of the bottom. Sink your seeds to three times its depth when it’s lying on its side. If it’s tiny like a poppy seed, then sprinkle on the surface and leave uncovered. Cover it over if it’s a bigger seed and sink the whole container in the dirt somewhere where it will get a bit of protection. Water regularly if you don’t have snow on the ground.

If you DO have snow on the ground then you can put plastic wrap over top with an elastic or tape. Poke holes in the top for aeration. (That is where containers from buying salad mix or bakery items at the store come in handy) Stick THAT whole thing in the snow.

Keep an eye on it.

This is called winter sowing.

It works. I’ve had major success with it. One year I planted 184 varieties of seed (edible, medicinal, landscaping, and est ethic plants) over the duration of our Canadian winter.

181 germinated. I remember because I kept records.

Awesome way to grow a huge amount of plants for pennies, earlier than others, hardier than others in a very small amount of space.

We walk over to the ‘Big Pharma’ sign and smash it. All Big Pharmas go down. No more fucking with our genes, our DNA, our health and our wellness. No more hijacking us when we are at our most vulnerable. No more holding us hostage to secure our wellness.

One bar of The Cage falls.

We walk over to the ‘Big Banks’ sign and smash it. All Big Banks go down. All debt erased. No more race for ‘Whoever has the Most Money in the End Wins.’ No more 1%. No more ‘haves’ and ‘have nots’.

Another bar on the The Cage falls.

We walk over to the ‘GMO’s’ sign. We smash that fucker right over. All GMO life on earth turns to ash. No particles left anywhere. All damage reversed. All land is fertile.

Another bar on The Cage falls.

We stroll over to the ‘Geoengineering’ Sign. Smash that one to pieces. The planet rights itself with no harm befalling anyone and all hurt healed. All health affected set to rights.

The Cage groans, the bars still carry such a heavy burden.

We are running now… The wind is in our hair. We are grinning and goosebumped. Crying and laughing… Elated. Bulls in china shops. But, we are almost there…

We hit the ‘Big Brother’ sign. All Government and Military fall. All surveillance stops. All wars end. All collusion and corruption ends. All authority ends.

Another bar on The Cage comes crashing down.

Finally, we come upon the biggest sign…:

FEAR. APATHY. ISOLATION. HOPELESSNESS. ALIENATION. INDIFFERENCE.

The hits come from all sides…. These are the last bars on The Cage. At some point the roof caves to some awful disjointed angle and that fucker comes crashing down. We swing our hammers till there is nothing left.

Our enslavement is over.
We are free.

We stand there breathless, exhausted, faces toward each other and then the sun.

We put our hammers down and take each other’s hand.

We breathe.
We breathe those life infusing breaths.

We Intend. We Will.

Gather All Life within us.
Call All Life to us.

And Life listens.

Our quiet love and respect for this world garners strength.

We are ready.

I reach into my pockets…
And pull out seeds of LOVE.
I open my hand and let the wind take them.

My brother next to me…
He reaches into his pockets and pulls out seeds of COMPASSION.
They are gone in a split second on the wind.

My sister next to me…
She reaches into the pockets of her dress and pulls out handfuls of the seeds of COMMUNITY…
The wind takes them.

The next… Seeds of HOPE.
The next… Seeds of FORTITUDE.
The next… Seeds of KINDNESS.
The next… Seeds of CONNECTION.
The next… Seeds of RESPECT.
The next… Seeds of CREATIVITY.
The next… Seeds of INNOVATION.
The next… Seeds of CARE.
The next… Seeds of ABUNDANCE.
The next… Seeds of PEACE.

We hold so many seeds for the world.

The wind takes them all.
They disperse throughout the globe.
And life begins anew.

The world is whole once more.

We with the sledgehammers, with the power to tear down that which subjugated us all also had the seeds, the power to co-create this world anew.

All Life Mattered.

Everyone, every Living Being has gifts to share with this World.

All are Important.
All are Needed.
All are Loved.

(This was the beginnings of a waking dream I had that I decided to share… It expanded from there. This is my first time sharing something like this. I can’t draw what I envisioned. So I found some akin to what I saw).