Dear Heart

Let me make one thing abundantly clear to you, ok? I am NOT a mind reader. Despite the fables that predict that I just know what you mean, I really don’t. I have neither the time nor the patience to deal with your insinuations and hints as to what exactly it is that you supposedly want to do. I know this is a foreign concept to you, but you have words and it will bode you well to start using them. Here’s a bright idea. If you just TELL me what it is that you want from me, you may get it…

No, no. Sit your ass right back down. Did it sound like this conversation was over? I know, you shy away from conflict and you’re oh so very afraid that if you commit to a single train of feeling or actually for once say out loud what it is that you want, you will be bound by it for all of eternity, but I have news for you. You no longer have a choice. I have had enough of your hot then cold tendencies and I could not care less about whether or not you want to do this, because we are doing it regardless.

What do you want from me? I am not being coy or trying to trick you into some kamikaze style confession. I am honestly at a loss here. You tell me what you want, I do it, and it’s wrong. You don’t tell me what you want, I don’t do anything, and that’s wrong to. Give me a break! Now, I know that you find it terribly fun to play your sadistic game of being all mysterious because you think it makes you more attractive, but get a grip. It’s just you and me here, and it’s going to be that way for a very long time, so you might as well level with me. What do you want?

It’s not a hard question, and it’s not like there is a wrong or right answer, and I promise, you are allowed to change your answer at any time for whatever reason. The only prerequisite is that you TELL me truthfully. Some answer, ANY answer, will be better than this unproductive waffling you’re doing at the moment. I keep on thinking I’m wrong the whole time, but you leave me no choice, I’m pottering along in the dark here. What else am I supposed to do?

You obviously want something from me, that much you have made clear. I do not, however, have the foggiest idea what that is, and if you don’t watch out, I may just decide that you are not worth the effort and walk out all together. You have asked me very nicely for a second chance, and I have graciously given in to your begging, but you’re just taking the piss right now.

So here’s the deal. You’re a grown up now, goodness knows you have had enough experience at growing up fast. Please figure out what you want. I am not your babysitter and refuse to be kept in limbo while you umh and ah. You, my dear heart, have made it abundantly clear that you have a beat of your own, quite separate from the logical rationality of my mind which has tried and tired in vain to guide you in some direction or the other.

However, it seems to me that you’re having a bad case of buyers remorse. You wanted your freedom even though it came at a high price, but now that you have it you are too timid to use it. You leave me no choice but to place you on terms. You either repudiate and give in to the reasoning of my mind, or you start using your freedom, start making some choices and sticking to them. The next move is yours, but be warned – my patience has worn thin and I am in no mood to play along with your games any longer.