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Before you begin reading, know that this is very indepth, and long, and never at any point does it involve being abducted by aliens or communicating with the other side, or anything you would usually hope for in a trip. I'm writing this because this isn't what I expected or hoped for.
I felt I should share it somehow.
I won't double-check it, so I apologise for any incoherence.

Last Tuesday I finally found some mushrooms, after a fairly long time hunting for an active species. I found a small amount of Psilocybe Subaeruginosa, and you can see one of the photos I took here:

It's 4:50am Saturday morning here at the moment, but I took a couple of the smaller mushrooms yesterday at around midday. I didn't want to trip too heavily my first time, so I didn't take too many.
On Wednesday I tried one of the caps to test the taste and make sure it didn't make me feel ill, and it tasted fine. But since they've been in a paper bag in my cupboard for a couple of days now, they tasted quite unpleasant.

I decided to go outside with my mp3 player, playing some Beatles. I sat on this little wooden bridge we have for the driveway that runs over a small stream (usually pretty much dry) that runs into our dam. We live out in a fairly rural area, so the dam is used for hose water and toilet water and such. I sat cross-legged on the edge, looking at the small amount of water underneath my feet. I watched a worm move around inside the water, looking like it was trying to dig into the ground below it. After a while, I decided to go inside and do a couple of things while I waited. As soon as I came to the computer, a friend offered to send me an unreleased acoustic song from a band I liked, since he'd just encoded mp3s from the tape he has of the performance. I agreed, and told him I had to go feed the cat, since she was meowing at the door.

I took her inside (I live in the garage, which is a couple of metres away from the house), and gave her some cat food. And then decided to grab a boysenberry drumstick (which is a type of ice-cream here) from the freezer, and go back to my room.
After this time, I still wasn't feeling any effects. I was beginning to think that my washing off the dirt in warm water had somehow taken all of the psilocybin content. So I went to the cupboard and took a couple more smaller mushrooms. I'm pretty sure all up I could've only had about four or five... but I don't really remember.

I went back to the computer and listened to the song my friend had sent me. Then I started to eat the ice-cream, and listened to "Where Bluebirds Fly" from the latest Radiohead single. This is a fairly trippy song, and it reminds me in some ways of "Phlegmatics" by Mr. Bungle. So then I listened to Phlegmatics, and posted on a Radiohead messageboard I frequent, asking whether I was crazy for thinking the two songs sound alike. Someone replied with something like "*big flashing neon sign* BEEP BEEP! YOU'RE CRAZY!"

And I began to feel different.

Phlegmatics was having an effect on me, I could definitely feel it. My head began to feel numb and cold, and I was shaking a little. After a short amount of time, I knew what was happening. I walked over to my window (which has no curtains or blinds), and hung a towel over it, which is the only way to keep out the light. I looked through the towel, and the sun shone through the tiny holes in it. I stared at this for a brief while, and it seemed like there were different layers of my vision, and the holes of light were rising through the pattern of the material.
This bothered me a bit, so I stumbled over to my bed and got inside. I closed my eyes, to see if I would be able to see anything. I can't really say that I had any visuals, but there was a faint pattern in the blackness, kind of like an Alex Grey painting. Think the cover of Lateralus by Tool.

Every so often, I would open my eyes, trying to balance the change of perception with just a regular look at my room. And never while having my eyes open, throughout the entire trip, did I see anything. Even the slightest change in surfaces. The only thing resembling those sorts of visuals was the sunlight moving across the side of my wall from behind the towel.

The thing about the trip was... I didn't hallucinate at all. I didn't feel like there was ever another presence with me, or that anything amazing was happening. It was inwardly-focused. And this became very nasty and frightening fairly quickly.
I decided to put in the album "Post", by Bj?rk, and put it to track 2, "Hyper-ballad". The music definitely sounded different. I was hearing different things more clearly, and it was easier for the music to take me to a different place. Different songs affected my thoughts differently, however. Hyper-ballad was quite pleasant. But a few songs in, there were songs like "You've Been Flirting Again", which I found quite unsettling. Not too long after putting the album in, my skin began feeling very hot, and so I decided to take off my shirt and pants, and just throw them on top of the amp + guitar next to my bed. Before doing this, I held my pants against my chest, like they were some kind of comfort. A security blanket or something. But my skin definitely felt burning hot to the touch, so I threw the pants on top of the shirt and lay down on my side.

I felt quite uncomfortable staying in any one position, so I moved around. But not one position felt comfortable. Not so much comfortable, actually... more that it just... didn't feel right.
When the album reached "Possibly Maybe", one of my favourite songs, it gave me more of an unpleasant feeling. At this point, I likened the trip to feeling ill. I mean when you feel *really* ill, and you're sitting on the toilet, your head is ringing, you feel faint, and you're just praying to god that it will end soon. I didn't actually feel sick, but the perception was the same. The "What have I done? What can I do?" line of questioning, repeated over and over.
I tried pushing off the quilt, so I didn't feel so hot. But despite the fact my skin was burning hot, doing so made me feel cold and unprotected inside. So once again, it was the sensation of just not feeling "right".

When the album finished, it was doubly unpleasant to have silence. Because it wasn't complete silence. I could hear the whirr of the computer fan, and the barking of dogs next door, and loud chirping of birds. I found all of this fairly unpleasant. I found myself forming loops of thought and music in my mind. I remember wishing I could somehow get it down whilst I was tripping, but I knew that was impossible. I couldn't possibly get up and do things while feeling like this.
I recall now, before Post, I listened to a Radiohead track, called "Coke Babies". It's an old b-side, and it's always been one of my favourites. I'd imagine that during a less unpleasant tripping experience, it would be incredibly wonderful to listen to. I quite enjoyed the chorus, and I found quite interesting to listen to nontheless.
But after Post, I decided to listen to the new Radiohead single, "There There". There was one song from the three that I hadn't let myself listen to yet, and that was a track called "Paperbag Writer". Obviously no relation to Paperback Writer by The Beatles.

When I put the CD in, I decided to go to the toilet, as I needed to relieve myself.
But staring at the beach towel hanging in my little bathroom (basically just a toilet and a shower), I felt more unpleasant. This wasn't what tripping was supposed to be like. Despite the fact I've been researching it for a couple of years now, and have read a hundred trip reports from Erowid and this place... it really was just like being ill.
After I got off the toilet, I went back to lying in bed. And then Paperbag Writer started...

I have to say, I really don't think I can blame the Radiohead single for the unpleasantness that followed, but it may have put my mind in an even worse state. Paperbag Writer repeats the line "Blow into this paper bag. Go home. Stop grinning at everyone." with some fairly trippy bass and drums. It's not very comforting or pleasant. Even if usually I would think it was incredibly cool (I'm sure I'll think it will be, next time I listen to it), it probably wasn't best for my current state. Then there was Where Bluebirds Fly again, which brought me back to when the trip first started.
I was in a constant state of looping thoughts and feelings. It felt like whatever place I went to to escape, or feel something pleasant, the mushrooms would follow me, and laugh at it. After a while, it became very upsetting. I wanted to know, "What am I doing wrong? What can I do?" and just repeating these things over and over.

I recall looking at my CD collection, wondering what I should play. And just thinking "I know what all this sounds like. I've heard all these CDs before. None of them suit my mood. I knew what was going to happen yesterday. There is nothing new or exciting that awaits me. I've felt everything before. The only thing that could possibly happen is feeling worse than I do now."
If you knew what my mind was usually like, you would understand this is nothing but a speeding up and magnification of my regular thoughts. Which, seeings as I already think ten times too much about everything, is an incredibly frightening concept.
I know I think too much, and I know I over-analyse, but I was hoping the trip would help me change that. Instead it just made it worse.

Eventually, I put in "Vespertine" by Bj?rk, hoping it would soothe my thoughts or calm my nerves. The kind of things I thought whilst listening to it aren't really the kind of things you can explain. Which I'm sure you understand. But I wanted to feel something else, something more. I felt like I could take a plane to the other side of the world, and not escape myself. That things would never change. I felt like the concept of The Matrix. That none of it is real, it's all simulated. I had seen The Matrix: Reloaded the day before, and I suppose it was still on my mind.
It's a frightening thought, feeling like you know everything there is to know, and to feel, and yet that you know absolutely nothing and there is no way to escape that truth. Not that you know absolutely nothing, and you've yet to experience the tearing apart of your ego, and infinite feelings of euphoria flooding through your soul... but that you know absolutely nothing. And that's all there is.

Listening to Vespertine was kind of like a journey. A journey through what I've already felt, and already know, but a journey nontheless. Every song seemed full of wisdom. And I could appreciate this. But it didn't tell me anything I didn't already know. It took me to places I'd already been, and I heard sounds I've already listened to before... but it didn't change me. Listening to something like "Frosti" was incredibly beautiful. Sparkling, shimmering, twinkling instrumental. The album is definitely a winter album.
But the lyrics were what stuck in my mind.

I won't try to explain my thought patterns, but I will post a link to the lyrics for the album, here.
http://www.alwaysontherun.net/bjork.htm#v1Starting from there, and reading through the 12 tracks. They aren't very long, and it will help you understand.
Vespertine was the last thing I listened to. And for the next two hours, I had thoughts, in Bj?rk's voice, endlessly repeating. I can't even tell you what they were now...
But it was so hard to bear. That level and speed of the same thoughts, over and over again in your mind. In a voice somehow devoid of emotion, beautiful, but with an inability to appreciate that beauty.
Something like...

"Is this what it's supposed to be like?
Is this what you imagined?
What is it...
(This is not a question)
It's just like feeling ill.
What did I do wrong?
(I could look at my eyes in the mirror... to see if I'm tripping)
It wiped the floor with me.
Everywhere I went, it laughed in my face.

I've felt this before.
Everything.
There is nothing left.
I want to feel like everyone else/someone else or I'll explode
An eternity.
This is not a question."

Things I've heard. Things I've written myself. Every desperate moment I've had in my life. That's why I say it was like being ill.
I can only say, that after a couple of hours, I fell asleep. I couldn't have gotten out of bed. I just wanted to escape. I eventually woke up around 1am or so. Managed to keep myself in some state of sleep 'til around 3am.

I don't know what I could've done. I find it hard to believe tripping could ever be a pleasant experience for me.
I don't think I'll be able to recover for a while. I didn't feel there was really anything to live for whilst it was happening.
I wouldn't say I regret it. But I don't know what to say or think anymore.

I hope there is something more out there. I thought I would find it in taking mushrooms. Or at least get a glimpse of it. Instead of a magnification of my current thoughts and over-analysing.

I suppose I'll end this now.
I just hope you all can have pleasant experiences. Even if I'm not sure now that I can.

Sorry you didn't have the experience you hoped for. It may have been dose related. If you just munched without accurate weighing, you may have eaten too much/little. I always recommend 1.5-2.5g dry or 15-25 grams wet for a first time.

Perhaps you'd want to consider tripping with a friend next time? That way, you'll be able to relate to another person and get some feedback on the experience. They'll be there for support ~ just make sure it's someone you can trust.

> "I know I think too much, and I know I over-analyse, but I was hoping the trip would help me change that"

I have a friend who has since stopped using psychedelics, but had problems similar to those you describe. He has some social anxiety problems and it seemed to be amplified in the altered state. You may also want to check out Wiccan_Seeker's thread: EVERYBODY READ THIS !!! Psychedelics & Benzo's

Best of wishes for any future endeavors. Psychedelics can be a very rewarding experience if used in the proper mindset and setting

what you must remember is that set and setting play a most crucial role in how enjoyable your trip is going to be. if you're in the wrong environment or wrong frame of thought to begin with, you're unlikely to have a great trip.

i can understand the whole overanalysing thing however. i have a friend like this, and recently on a fairly decent dose trip (9-10 subaeruginosa each) he had alot of trouble letting go and thus forced himself into a bad trip, while me and another friend, who are more carefree and worry about things less, let our trip take us wherever and had a great time.

it is a common feeling to feel perhaps 'i'll' or as though you are losing control, however perhaps this is just your conscious mind fighting against the drug! i find that making myself think happy thoughts, or getting outdoors and doing something that i might find fun is a great way to shrug off those bad vibes!

as for visuals, i guess some people are more susceptible to them (like me! yay!) and others arent! although it is difficult to concentrate on my visuals (as they tend to occur in the peak of my trip when my mind is all over the place!).

geokills: It could be to do with dosage, but I'm not sure having too small a dose (only about 4 or 5 small mushrooms) would cause the trip to be a negative one, only perhaps a weaker one than most would like.I don't actually have any way to accurately weigh the dose, so I think that for next time (I've decided there will be a next time. I don't want to let a bad first experience sour me), I will have to buy something to measure with, and take your prescribed dose.I did read a bit of the Wiccan_Seeker thread, but combining drugs definitely isn't for me. I have sort of a thing about drugs and medication. I refuse to take any sort of medication, or other kinds of drugs. Even things like cigarettes, alcohol and regular things like vitamins and headache tablets. I became interested in mushrooms because they're natural, and non-addictive. Obviously, if I needed proper treatment for some kind of illness, I would take them, but not if it were just for my own pleasure.Perhaps at some point in the future if I get *really* bored

jimbu: Yeah, I made sure to take them when I was in a pretty good frame of mind. I was actually feeling quite upbeat and dancing around the room beforehand, not to mention sitting happily in the sun and looking at the water after first taking a couple of mushrooms. I was determined to be outside for my first time, since it was a nice, quiet, sunny day and all, but after they started to take effect, it sort of hit me like a ton of bricks. I don't think I could've managed to be walking around outside. I did go to the window and check it out at one point, but in my altered state I found the day to be too bright and sunny.I think next time I might try listening to more calming, non-electronic, instrumental music. The only thing I have fitting that description is a CD of celtic guitar. The majority of it is fairly nice, so hopefully that might have a positive effect.

toolshroomer: I think you may have it there, really. I figured that it wouldn't really matter if I only had them a couple of days after first picking them, but they did taste fairly unpleasant compared to how they did at first, and now, a couple of days after my experience, the remainder of the mushrooms have begun to liquify.Thing is, I looked through the page on preservation, and the only method I was capable of using (due to lack of equipment - dessicant/dry ice/reflector lamp etc) was the honey method. Which I have heard bad things about due to fermentation.Next time, I'll try drying them with a fan. Hopefully this isn't a particularly poor method. If it doesn't work out, I guess I'll have to go buy some preservation materials.This is of course assuming I can find any more mushrooms now. With my luck, it seems quite likely I'll never find any mushrooms again...

as for drying, the dessicant/fan combo is efficient, easy and inexpensive.

dessicant can be bought cheaply from a supermarket and you can be creative and make your own chamber quite easily as well

as for dosage - if you trip on 1.5-2.5 grams dry of psilocybe subaeruginosa it will be VERY VERY VERY fucking intense! lol! geokills dosages are most probably for average strength mushrooms such as cubensis... subaeruginosa are approximately 2 to 3 times as potent!

to give u an example - me and 2 other friends dosed 8-10 small-average sized subaeruginosa the other night... we were all tripping quite hard! this probably worked out to be 1 to 1.5grams dried, which would be 2.5-4.5 grams dried of cubensis!

also, it varies for person to person and mushroom to mushroom. subaeruginosa seem to have a tendancy to vary in potency enormously.. for example, my previous trip to this one, a few weeks ago, was on 4 small-medium sized mushrooms and i tripped pretty much equally as hard as i did on 9 this time!

First off Fresh shrooms loose potency if left wet. It takes less then a week to make them near worthless.

It sounds like you were fighting the trip. It's pretty normal to fight the "nothing is quite right" feeling. Next time try to just let the chips fall where they may, like that first time you ride a rollercoaster.

I have no experience with subaeruginosa's so I won't comment on them but I can say that if those mushrooms in that pic were Cubensis of the same weight and fresh you would have blown a few doors open.

Next time try to get to level 3 at least. I don't buy all this "I've never had visuals from shrooms and never will" from people, 4 grams dry cubensis will quiet the hardest sceptic.

> "I did read a bit of the Wiccan_Seeker thread, but combining drugs definitely isn't for me ... Perhaps at some point in the future if I get *really* bored "

I understand your tendancy to abstain from dosing pills ~ however, using the methods discussed in Wiccan's thread have nothing to do with being bored or not. It is a theory about the benefits associated with a low dose of a common minor-tranquilizer, the benzodiazepines.. which are very safe so long as other depressant class drugs are not consumed simultaneously. I just thought that with the symptoms I perceived you experiencing, you may find this combination technique quite useful for any future trips.

You've probably already read these, but perhaps you'd want to glance at them again - they're pretty good doc's:

jimbu: Well, I was only intending to have a light dose the first time. I wouldn't have wanted to try a level 3 for my first time. But I don't think my problems were based on dosage. It was a very very intense trip mentally, and if the only effect taking more could have had was to make it more intense, I think having more would've been a very bad idea. I'm thinking perhaps my waiting a couple of days before having the mushrooms without drying had something to do with what kind of trip I had. Perhaps if I had the same dose on fresh mushrooms, it would have been more bearable.I think I'll try preserving with a dessicant technique next time however. Just so I can say I've done everything as directed.

Raedon: I don't think the wait of a couple of days had to do with losing potency (it was a very intense trip mentally, like I said), perhaps more to do with what kind of trip I had. Before I had any sort of chance to "fight the trip", which I can assure you I wasn't doing, the mushrooms had hit me like a ton of bricks. My head felt very numb, and althought my first intention was to go outside and enjoy the trip, when I reached my window, everything seemed far too bright and glaring, and I had to simply stumble into bed and stay there. It was similar to that faint feeling you have when you're ill, like you're slightly dizzy, and just need to lie down.I'm attributing all this to not eating them fresh or drying. Perhaps that's being a bit optimistic... but maybe it was just the kind of mushrooms I tried. Maybe it would have a different effect if I tried subaeruginosa from a different patch, or a different type of mushroom completely. Hard to say, at this point.I will say, however, I have done a lot of research on mushrooms in the past year or two, and if those mushrooms I took were cubensis of the same weight, I don't think I would've felt much at all. The mushrooms I had were quite small, and cubensis are a far larger, and less potent mushroom. If you had one psilocybe subaeruginosa that was the same size as a regular good-sized cubensis, your ego would be well and truly destroyed.

As for your last statement though... different mushrooms affect differently people differently. I've never heard anyone say they've never had visuals and never will, and nor did I say it myself, but I think it depends on a lot of factors.I don't think attempting a level 3 would be the wisest choice for me, if it turns out a greater dose of mushrooms will have a greater degree of the negative effect they had on me the first time, I would be very worried. I think it's best to be safe. If I try to do some things differently next time, and it still has the same effect, then I won't be trying to take a larger dose.Like I said, I'm quite sure too small a dose was not the reason for my having a bad trip. Only if I was disappointed with the level I achieved could that be true.

geokills: By "perhaps if I get really bored" comment was to say that if I decided to trip again and had the same kind of negative experience, I would abstain from taking mushrooms in the future. Only if I was really dead-set on having a positive mushroom experience (ie, if I became bored from abstaining) would I try the method described in that thread.I wouldn't rule it out, but for now, I just want to see if I can enjoy a positive mushroom experience the natural way

As for the links you posted... I've definitely read them. I feel like I've read just about every FAQ and document about mushrooms available on the net at this point.I took note of every bit of good advice I found. But a lot of that sort of thing goes out the window when you find that none of the things you've read about tripping on mushrooms are happening to you on your trip. It took about an hour from the first mushrooms I took before I felt any effect, but when I did, it came on very strong, and it was similar symptoms to being ill. Feverish temperature, numbness, no visuals... just your mind racing at a million miles an hour.I was expecting the unexpected, and ready to let go of any preconceived notions, but it didn't really make a difference.At the time, I didn't really feel like I was fighting it. I just lay down on my bed and let things happen. Put on some music...Perhaps I was just unlucky.

I'll see how I go next time, doing things by the book.*puts "dessicant" on shopping list*

Joy. This evening I went to my spot (small though it may be) and found more subaeruginosa, four times larger than the ones I found before. Unfortunately the biggest two (2 and a half inch cap) were a bit old... but only one looked slightly rotted.Seeings as I have no dessicant, I'm going to try drying them with a fan and then putting them in an air-tight container. Hopefully this will work out. If not... we still have more rain scheduled this week, I think.So... fingers crossed.

Do you know anyone you can trip with, someone positive and with shroom (or other psychedelic) experience? That way at least you can be "guided" or have somone else's thoughts to hang on to when things become too much. I'm sure my first real psychedelic trip (on mesc, not shrooms, but it certainly informed my subsequent (first) trip on shrooms) would have been disastrous if I did not have a trip friend to anchor me to this dimension. As it turned out, it was a very revealing and enjoyable experience.

No, I don't, unfortunately. But I have a feeling my next trip will be more pleasant. Even if it isn't for a while, I have a small amount of dry subaeruginosa in a jar in my cupboard now, saving it for when I know the time is right.Hopefully I can find someone I would feel comfortable with in the near future. But I think it would take a very specific kind of person for me to favour the experience with a trip sitter over doing it alone. I tend to prefer doing everything alone. And I think I could let my mind wander much further if I didn't feel any sort of tether other than my own mind and perception.If I do find someone like that though (a soulmate perhaps), I will most definitely take the opportunity.Here's hoping the next trip is a more enlightening one, regardless of the circumstances

Heres what you should do. Pick up your guitar, and jam for about an hour, when you're done with that, go grab some food, and jam again!

By reading what your trip was like, I trip almost exactly like you. When I was on 7 grams of dried Cubensis, I started to really hate this one guy, not because he was jewish, or because he was black, but I just hated him. Don't rush into tripping with someone you don't know that well, it's not an enjoyable experiance. Maybe trip with a drummer, or someone on the bass, and jam for a while. It's fun when you're sober, so it's most likely fun while tripping too.

About over-analyzing everything, just get into a nice conversation with someone you see in person, telephones might be a bit scary for you to use, since it's scary for some people, and since you've only tripped once, I'm pretty sure you're unsure about what makes you feel "ill".

Now, the most important part. If you can recall ANY part of the time you were tripping in your room, find out the things that made you most uncomfortable, and remove them. If it means moving alot of shit from your room into your basement or something, do it, you'll be happy you did. Next time, try to relax. It's a great experiance taking a couple hits of salvia when on shrooms, but don't do it just because people told you too. You know you're limits, dont push them or you'll feel even more ill.

The best thing to do would be to just relax. I know, its hard for me to do, I've never been able to fully be relaxed, except a few times, good memories =D Just relax, don't think about "why aren't these shrooms working"If that happens just tell yourself "They are working, I'm tripping already since I can't stop thinkin about why these shrooms wont work."