It's a Great Life: And the saga of the pilling continues

ANNE HEYMENStaff Writer

Published Sunday, April 25, 2004

Today's topic: Pilling a Cat, Part 3.

As you may remember, my friend Rayma's daughter, Beth, sent me an hysterical item some years ago about how to get a cat to take a pill. It ended with the piller -- that would be the two-legged subject of the story -- going to the hospital for stitches.

The pillee -- that would be the four-legged version -- remained unpilled and victorious.

I had my own version -- Pilling a Cat, Part 2.

For awhile, Purrcee, the family feline, was taking a pill. At first I was able to put the pill in Purrcee's food.

Then he discovered what I was doing.

So, the next step was to crush the pill and mix it in Purrcee's food.

Purrcee discovered what I was doing.

So, I was finally reduced to grabbing Purrcee and putting him on the dining room table -- not a good way to train a cat that the dining room table is NOT part of his domain.

To pill Purrcee, after I put him on the dining room table, I'd grasp his precious little jaw, pry it open and throw the pill down his throat.

Then, as I was taught, I'd rub the outside of his throat with my third hand -- i.e., my knee, while firmly grasping his iron-willed jaw with my first and second hands, the primary hands of my body.

More than once, however, no matter how hard I tried Purrcee would hold the pill in his mouth until I turned my back. Then he'd spit the offending medication out -- partially dissolved. I'd discover his little gifts several days later in the strangest places.

When our friends Tom and Sara came to pill Purrcee while we were on vacation, it was pretty much an adventure in terror for Tom.

Sara could not be intimidated. She'd known Purrcee since he was a wee kitty.

But, it did take two of them to pill Purrcee, and the story I got was that welding gloves were involved in the insertion of the pill, but that was more than I wanted to know.

But Pilling a Cat Part 2 does have a happy ending.

We went from pills to shots. Each morning and evening, as the Heymen feline is enjoying every morsel of his special cat food, I hit him with a shot in the neck.

He doesn't mind.

As a matter of fact, if I'm slow on the uptake, he'll stop eating and tell me that it's shot time.

His message is pretty much the same when I forget to put ice in his water.

So now we come to Pilling a Cat, Part 3.

The story begins with an individual whose initials are Margo Pope.

It seems the Pope pussycat, Rascal -- who apparently is quite a little rascal-- was under the weather. It's a long story, but suffice to say Rascal is now on the mend. Unfortunately, mending requires pilling, and Margo's husband, whose initials are Alyn Pope -- I wouldn't want to embarrass anyone, that's why I'm using initials -- is in charge of Pope pussycat pilling.

But Alyn Pope's actions have a big flaw.

He's tried to out think a cat.

Wrong.

Apparently the first week of pilling went quite well. But that's the way cats are. They let you THINK you've pulled one over on them.

Alyn put the pill in Rascal's food, and she wolfed it down.

Then came the day Rascal lived up to her name once more.

Oh, she wolfed her food down just fine, BUT not where the pill was.

So Alyn, using the cat psychology he's learned over the years and from books -- I'm not sure that's right, I just made it up because it sounded good -- added MORE food to the pill. With the SECOND helping, Rascal now agrees to down her medicine.

"Anne" -- that's me, and it's OK if I identify myself -- "it's amazing," Margo reported, in amazement of course because she had just said it was amazing. "That cat will eat right AROUND the pill with the first helping. "Add some more food, and she'll gobble it up pill and all."