Thursday, December 16, 2010

I Am A Total Loser

I am a loser. No, really, a total complete loser. As in twenty la di freakin da pounds loser. That’s right, my blocked bowels gave me the Christmas gift of my dreams: a twenty pound loss of blubber-rama. Oh yeah, I am doing the happy dance and I can even do it without as much huffin and a puffin as a few months back. Yeah, doggie!

See for yourself. This is me just a month ago during the entire pooping chicken scandal. Had I no shame? No sense of decency? No deodorant?

This is me minus TWENTY FREAKING POUNDS! Get thee behind me blubber butt and hence forth never to return remain in the realm of blocked boweldom forever. Amen and amen.

So, if a rubber hose up one side of my nose was good for twenty pounds, I was wondering if two rubber hoses up both sides of my nose would be good for forty pounds? Hmmmm. It could work. After looking around the house, I have not been able to come up with any kind of hoses that will fit up my noses so I supposes I might try two straws.

I am so excited! I looked on the internet and they actually make FAT straws. I'm shoving two of these puppies up my nose and sitting back while they suck the fat right out of me. Oh, I will so do it.

Have I mentioned I LOST TWENTY POUNDS??? Do you have any idea what twenty pounds looks like? Well, do ya?

Where have I been for the past two weeks? What do I find when I back by here? The whole Marla world is topsy turvy. It was a hard way to lose weight. I have a theory about steroids, too. They are marvelous! Everything was so wonderful when I was on them last month for pneumonia! Then they stop the steroids, and you hit a brick wall. It took two weeks of sleeping to get over the steroid blues. And that's the way they keep pill addicts disinterested in steroids. My prayers still go up to the Almighty for you, the tests, your recovery. Better late than never.

You look amazing!! I'm jealous! That is even sicker than your applauding a bowel obstruction... Women are SICK and that makes the rest of us sicker. I was kind of hoping for a good flu before January 1st to kick start THE 10th YEAR OF STARTING A DIET AND NEVER COMPLETING IT. Cheers!

Wow, you look more gorgeous than ever, Marla. Congratulations. I'm so sorry for yours and your sister's trials. Keeping you both in my heart and prayers. Someday, we'll get together and paint the town red. xo

OK! And now I am waiting for you to tell us how you lost 20 pounds because I have gained 20 pounds. No worries, I am not pregnand, but I am in need of good advice: HOW DID YOU DO THAT! (Btw: do you notice that I am happy for you but also jealous! :) )

Why Butts and Ashes?

No, I am not a smoker although I have given it consideration during times of great stress. I was bemoaning to a friend one day that my life seemed to come down to two things, butts and ashes. Having somehow been elected the family caregiver for most of my life, I can assure you, I have seen a great deal of both.
So, this blog is about just that.....life and loving the people in it.....from end to end.