Menu

Satirical & Poetic Musings Of A Self-Proclaimed Nobel Prize Winner

Celebrity Bible Reviews

Here are some celebrity reviews of The Bible I recently found in The NewYork Times.

1.) This book is AWESOME. There’s killing for the Lord, genocide in his name, infanticide, glorification of slavery, and enough misogynistic rhetoric to make any man with a small dick feel strong. I highly recommend reading it and using it to guide your life. Donald Trump

2.) This book sucks. It’s completely unbelievable. There’s a part where a “virgin” gets pregnant, tells her husband, “God did it,” and he believes her. Yeah. Right. Blow me. Pope Francis

3.) This book has gore, violence, and horror in it. I’ve never read a piece of literature filled with such a lust for blood. It needs to be BANNED from our schools and homes. It’s anti-American. Wait…I was thinking of The Koran. The Bible is not like that at all.Never mind. Sarah Palin

4.) Brilliant book on truth, science, and reality. I never knew the Earth was only 6000 years old until I read this gem of intellectual wisdom. Republican Presidential Candidate, Ben Carson.

5.) I LOVED this book. It has sex in it. Former President, Bill Clinton.

I’m not being facetious when I say he is a mirror image of Hitler. I want him to win the Republican nomination. He’ll get destroyed by Hilary Clinton in the general election, and the Republicans will be left to clean up the damage they did to themselves by not shutting this asshole down sooner. Some of them are now saying things against him, but, like Hitler, he’s gained a lot of fanatical disciples and they’re too late, I’m afraid.

Great comments by John and Victoria, but I couldn’t reply to them for some reason. The comment editor might be screwed up again or I’m having browser issues. “Helping the Retarded to Know God” – awesome!

By Pen Name on July 12, 2014: I bought this book and used it to explain to my daughter, whom I call ‘mittens’, why she is likely to go to hell. She drooled a lot but I think it really sunk in, because she immediately stopped masturbating our trips to Wal-Mart. That was always embarrassing, but now she has the lord.

By Jb Fox on January 18, 2015: There is already a book that helps the retarded know God. It’s called the bible.

By BillEAV on December 16, 2014: It was hard for Jimmy to look at kids with hearts on the inside of their body’s and normally formed lips, but this book helped him understand gods plan. His short painful life will soon be over and he’ll be rewarded in heaven, just like a serial killer who coverts at the last minute