complaining about social services...

someone has to be.
i don't want to complain to social services about social services, i'm sick of being fobbed off with people being unavailable or not at their desks

can go into more detail if asked. just wondering. i can't be the only person really unhappy with their service. and ironically, it's because they refuse to do something, not that they have done something.

I have submitted many complaints on my behalf and written many complaints for other people. I know the complaints procedure and the legislation that governs social services complaints procedure like the back of my hand.

The LGO are above social services in terms of complaints but you must go through their procedure before going to the lgo. After the LGO you can go to the courts for a review.

If the complaint is specific to a social worker as oppose to the council then you could go to the HPC straight away. These are the people who SW must be registered with. But if you can go to them and have any success depends on what you are complaining about.

Social services complaints are self regulated and biased. They will do everything they can to protect their own no matter what they have done wrong. Then if they can they will use the fact that you complain against you.

wrote a huge reply to this, but netmums logged me out! o.o please tell me how to change that because i can't cope with retyping! lol!

okay, child B has undiagnosed.. issues. not sure if it is on the autistic spectrum or a mental health problem. until recently he was so very close to a aspergers diagnoses, and now with the latest behavior being displayed it's changed ball games completely to mental health.
he has been in the NHS system to three years now.
he self harms.
has massive meltdowns which he blacks out with that consist of him lashing out, and has incurred injury's to himself, other adults AND children.
he has no pain concept, ie, he can pull his own fingernails off and not be terribly bothered by it.
he has strange sleep routines.
suffers terrible anxiety and stresses.
has ticks.
has a limited social situation understanding.

latest one, which is one of a repeating pattern of three years, is things at home got bad, ie child Bs behavior got worse. i called social services asking for a disability support worker, who is amazing, we had her last year. got asked "well WHAT do you want ME to do about that, NOW?" :S
so i left it. and low and behold three days later, child B kicked off so badly, seriously hurt himself and two adults, so we did the only thing we could do, and called the police, which is what we where advised by the last social worker we had a year back.
copper thought we where wasting his time. truthfully, so did i, because it isn't like discipline is going to sort out a child with autism, is it :/ a naughty child, maybe. but a child with issues, really?
i was just proving a point for social services that until child B GETS diagnosed we get NO help, support or advise on how to deal with him when he behaves like that, so how the bloody hell am i supposed to deal with it on my own as a single parent? the answer is i can't, and do get hurt on a daily basis, and that isn't through neglect or abuse, it is through lack of help on HOW to deal with it. and as proven by the previous childrens social workers advise on 'call the police', a childs social worker just isn't qualified in the right advice for the disabled child i have, but unfortunately, they are unwilling to look at the situation and see that he is mid diagnosis, in a system he wouldn't be in if there was nothing wrong, y'know... cut the crap and do what NEEDS to be done, and give us the social worker we need to give us this advice and deal with these issues, isn't that why they're there, to support families when there are children at risk, even if that's from themselves or each other in my case...

so i called the referral line, and i explained i had a police man sat with my son in the lounge, and he had seriously hurt two adults and himself in the meltdown, which wasn't finished, and what could i do about it because so far four adults, myself, mother, grandmother and a policeman had failed to control him and stop him hurting either himself or someone else. she told me the situation sounded under control... and the manager would call me back in the next few days.

that was nice, wasn't it. the next few days. what good was that to anyone there and then?! urgh.

the manager did call me back the next day and i had her on hands free because frankly, this woman i am sure has decided i am a waste of her funds, because she just avoids me like the bloody plague most of the time, and i am sure only protocall made me reply to me this time as the policeman had filled a report to them, she probably HAD to call me abit sharpish. anyway, past dealings has made the both of us neither of the others favorite people. she is so disrespectful in some of the things she says it almost always leaves me in tears after dealing with her out of pure frustration. why is it so hard to get help? it is noones fault, not mine, my sons, it is a crap situation noone seems prepared to help or solve quickly. she told me to take her off hands free, and i asked why? explained i'd like a witness to the call and again, she hung up.

so, the next day now, someone else from social services calls me. doesn't know a thing about me, or the case. but tells me she will read up and try to call me back sometime next week.

still noone has answered what i am meant to do if it happens in the meantime.
noone will take any responsibility for any of the other hanging up the phone.
noone will tell me who was working the night i called the police, because that WAS an emergency situation, and one they should have been involved in!
noone will actually just refer me, which is all i want done! i am so tired of having to anonymously refer myself to get any notice paid of my family because they come within 24 hours if i do it that way. and that's the way i've got the attention of them for the last two years when they ignore me, and it's wrong.

Proper procedure would be to go through all 3 stages of their complaints procedure. Where they will say they have done nothing wrong and lie to cover their backs. This will take 2 to 7 months. Then go to lgo which will take an unknown amount of time but it will not be quick. Better chance of success but they are still not good. Then you are off for review by the courts.

If they have seriously failed you then you can skip all the complaints and go for a judicial review of their decision not to help you straight away. This would have to be an emergency application on the grounds that their lack of support has put your child at risk of significant harm. Emergency judicial reviews are hard to get, but possible.

Social services complaints are self regulated and biased. They will do everything they can to protect their own no matter what they have done wrong. Then if they can they will use the fact that you complain against you.

If they have seriously failed you then you can skip all the complaints and go for a judicial review of their decision not to help you straight away. This would have to be an emergency application on the grounds that their lack of support has put your child at risk of significant harm. Emergency judicial reviews are hard to get, but possible.

they seriously fail us every single time.
since child B IS on their records as having their help when they finally listen, ie, homecare last year, respite the year before, you'd think they could see i need them sometimes, he is a child at risk because of some of his behaviours.

they just leave us until they can't ignore us anymore, which is usually when he does something life threatening like tip a wardrobe on someones head or drink white spirits from a locked cupboard in the middle of the night thinking it was lemonaid, then they blame me for it after i've been asking for their help for months sometimes.

i'm just sick of their system. it makes no logical sense to me when they DO help, they make all the difference to our family. they just don't help. and unfortunatly, i am left feeling this will be a case where they ignore, ignore, ignore until someone gets more seriously hurt, or dies. it is often a possibility with my son. he runs infront of cars. he has siblings he lives with. he hurts me all the time. he hurts other family members. he is near impossible to control when he melts down. and i can see me being blamed when i am trying my damnedest to help my boy, y'know...

Unless you feel its absolutely nessasary to contact ss do so... But there are many other services out there to help, if your child has undiagnosed issues he will be put in a CAF but there are guide lined that his school have to follow and you will go to meetings in relation to this, your child's emotional presentation will be noted and recorded and the way your child acts at school if its getting worse at present I won't go to ss because if your child gets worse they will go on to a CIN plan then a Child protection plan if the issues still persist there's a possibility your child will be removed, even if there's no issues with neglect or needs not met if you have other children your child with problems may pose a risk to the other child/children so please think, and go to your gp then see your child's health visitor and get a referal made to have a diagnosis

Unless you feel its absolutely nessasary to contact ss do so... But there are many other services out there to help, if your child has undiagnosed issues he will be put in a CAF but there are guide lined that his school have to follow and you will go to meetings in relation to this, your child's emotional presentation will be noted and recorded and the way your child acts at school if its getting worse at present I won't go to ss because if your child gets worse they will go on to a CIN plan then a Child protection plan if the issues still persist there's a possibility your child will be removed, even if there's no issues with neglect or needs not met if you have other children your child with problems may pose a risk to the other child/children so please think, and go to your gp then see your child's health visitor and get a referal made to have a diagnosis

he isn't in school, he is homeschooled because the school he was enrolled in back last year couldn't cope with his needs, and it was cruel watching the ed psyc take his sweet time deciding anything regarding the help or support he deserved.

if i didn't feel it was necessary to contact social services, then i wouldn't waste my time, believe me. it's hard work! but frankly, they're there for this very reason, to support families like me, and the other children effected by the issues we have.

there are no other agencies that i have ever been made aware of, if you know of some, please, let me know of them. god knows i've looked everywhere. and if other choices where available to us i'd take them opposed to the social in a heartbeat.

with regards to the GP and health visitor, it is only because i have a toddler that we still get to even see the health visitor, she has no standing over child B at ALL. he should be under the care of the school nurse, but as he isn't in school that poses as a difficulty. and the GP can only refer us back to the pediatrician, which we have been under the care of for the last two years at least, or CAMHs, who are taking their time processing the referrals off the GP and pediatrician. a GP can't diagnose my child. they have done all they can do.

the social worker told me last year even if i had WANTED child B put into care, i couldn't, as there where no places available! not that it even crossed my mind! but it does get that bad, i don't think you have comprehend my previous posts, if i wasn't desperate for help and support off SOMEone for my son, i wouldn't involve social services, because they're crap. but needs must, and until my boy gets a diagnosis of whatever the issue IS, our family is stuck between a rock and a hard place regarding what to actually do with him, and it isn't as easy as just manage. i HAVE other children to think about, as well as my son. there is a risk factor to them, aswell as him. and it is high time someone realized this before something serious happens. no, before something MORE serious happens. with the right help and support it can be managed, but noone seems prepared TO help.

please tell me, if social services aren't there to support families like us, why are they there? they can't 'take him away'. they have no need to take him away. that won't eradicate the problem. he is a child at risk because he has an illness. i need help because i need educating on ways to deal with children like him, with his issues. he isn't the only one. and social services HAVE the ability TO help. as they have done this time last year. this time the year before that. they just don't like using their funds. and it's tough. they can't decide last year his illness was important enough to help, but this year isn't. that's like saying "last year you where mentally disabled enough to meet the guidelines for support, but this year you'll just have to be better because i'm tight on funding and won't afford to support the family"

At the centre of all of this is your son and finding a way to meet his needs, so that he can have the constructive and progressive help that will aid his development. You have asked Children Services for that support and you don't believe that they have addressed your concerns or those of your son's, which is a worry.

Some of our members have shared their first hand experience of the complaints procedure that they used, and hopefully you have found that helpful. If you need to discuss these protocols further, do contact the Family Rights Group directly on their advice line.

What I'm going to focus on here is trying to see if there are additional services that can help with your son and you too. How old is he? You mentioned other children - are they under the age of 5? If they are, you will have access to an Health Visitor and I'd urge you to use that as a resource.

I've left a message with my colleague from Contact a Family to come by and give you additional support. Do keep an eye out for her reply. Please do also use our Special Needs forum to talk to other parents who may also be going through similar. They have a wealth of knowledge as to what is available in terms of help and assistance.

he isn't in school, he is homeschooled because the school he was enrolled in back last year couldn't cope with his needs, and it was cruel watching the ed psyc take his sweet time deciding anything regarding the help or support he deserved.

if i didn't feel it was necessary to contact social services, then i wouldn't waste my time, believe me. it's hard work! but frankly, they're there for this very reason, to support families like me, and the other children effected by the issues we have.

there are no other agencies that i have ever been made aware of, if you know of some, please, let me know of them. god knows i've looked everywhere. and if other choices where available to us i'd take them opposed to the social in a heartbeat.

with regards to the GP and health visitor, it is only because i have a toddler that we still get to even see the health visitor, she has no standing over child B at ALL. he should be under the care of the school nurse, but as he isn't in school that poses as a difficulty. and the GP can only refer us back to the pediatrician, which we have been under the care of for the last two years at least, or CAMHs, who are taking their time processing the referrals off the GP and pediatrician. a GP can't diagnose my child. they have done all they can do.

the social worker told me last year even if i had WANTED child B put into care, i couldn't, as there where no places available! not that it even crossed my mind! but it does get that bad, i don't think you have comprehend my previous posts, if i wasn't desperate for help and support off SOMEone for my son, i wouldn't involve social services, because they're crap. but needs must, and until my boy gets a diagnosis of whatever the issue IS, our family is stuck between a rock and a hard place regarding what to actually do with him, and it isn't as easy as just manage. i HAVE other children to think about, as well as my son. there is a risk factor to them, aswell as him. and it is high time someone realized this before something serious happens. no, before something MORE serious happens. with the right help and support it can be managed, but noone seems prepared TO help.

please tell me, if social services aren't there to support families like us, why are they there? they can't 'take him away'. they have no need to take him away. that won't eradicate the problem. he is a child at risk because he has an illness. i need help because i need educating on ways to deal with children like him, with his issues. he isn't the only one. and social services HAVE the ability TO help. as they have done this time last year. this time the year before that. they just don't like using their funds. and it's tough. they can't decide last year his illness was important enough to help, but this year isn't. that's like saying "last year you where mentally disabled enough to meet the guidelines for support, but this year you'll just have to be better because i'm tight on funding and won't afford to support the family"

no.

Well you sound very hostile to the suggestion to find help without ss but I agree. As far as 'taking him away won't eradicate the problem,' ss don't work like that. They could take your other children, say they are at risk, especially if they don't know what to do with child B. In theory they are supposed to help but they don't really work like that. They are not your friend

Hi Hannah-marie,
I' sorry to read how difficult the last few years have been for you It really does sound like you have have a great deal of caring responsibilities towards your son who is being home schooled

I feel you need a fresh approach to this situation Hannah-marie

Following are my recommendations/suggestions - I apologise beforehand if it is something you have already tried

I would recommend you request a Carers assessment for yourself - please write to your childrens social services department. You are entitled to this by law. The law says that anyone who provides or intends to provide a substantial amount of care on a regular basis can have a carer’s assessment. No definition of ‘substantial’ is given. Most people contemplating seeking support are likely to eligible for an assessment. I would recommend you don't call social services about this. Firstly I would recommend you read about what carers assessments are here, and if needed have a chat with Contact a Families helpline adviser on 0808 808 3555.

If it is identified by the above assessment that you require support/services then my understanding is that social services are duty bound to provide this...

Your child does not have a diagnosis, he is receiving services from health/NHS and mental health services - it may be that you stand a better chance of receiving support/services from mental health services rather that council services...You may find having a chat (and by chatting to the services I have mentioned in this thread I mean they will provide you with guidance on what to do and how with regards to the law...) with young minds helps...their parents helpline may be best place to start.

For your sons siblings, what ever their age - I would recommend you have a look at and make contact with sibs and barnados; and if any of these children are at school let their schools know how difficult things can become at home for them.

Hannah-marie, you do not get a break maybe now is a time to re-look at education services? Our SEN advisers are best placed to answer any questions you may have, help you to find out, and plan a way forward - identify which professionals would be best placed to involve in finding an appropriate educational setting for your son. Please don't allow previous experiences to stop you from moving forward; having dear son home all the time is difficult for all of you If he was in a specialist environment where they understood his needs, and there are excellent schools out there - you have to allow for assessments to take place for the right school to be identified - you have to trust people to do their jobs...contact a families helpline number is 0808 808 3555.

Your own health Hannah-marie - when was the last time you took a minute out for yourself? Your well being is important, to all of us Please take the first step and request a carers assessment and have a chat with your G.P about how all this constant fighting is making you feel?

There are no magic solutions, life can be difficult You have to change direction when you find you keep coming up against a brick wall. Your son has challenging behaviours (am i right?) if so have you ever come across the challenging behaviour foundation?

I hope you find the information useful - do let us know how you get on

Gemma R:- i am not a hostile person. but when it comes to my son getting the help and support he deserves i am pretty anal about being told i'm not trying hard enough.
do you know how hard this system is to crack?
how long you have to struggle every single day because the systems are slow.
how little help or support you actually DO get, even when you ask the 'right' people...
because i am telling you the guidebook parents like me *don't* automatically get with our children is a pretty hard one to learn, and from what i've gathered so far, you learn it as you go. no-one writes it before hand for you, y'know. at the end of the day i am but a lowly 23 year old parent. i don't know everything. i kind of hope if i need to know it- when i ask people questions regarding it, they will point me in a right direction, because unless someone DOES tell you, you can only do your best, and that isn't always right, or even good enough when you have a child with specific needs. hell, it isn't always right with a 'normal' child, but bring behavioral issues, mental health issues and sensory issues into it and it is a whole new ball game.
i am so irritated with social services because i have three children. one who is Affected directly by his needs, and two who are Effected indirectly by his behavior/needs.

social services quote, on their website:-

"Children’s social services offer support for families – including child protection, children in need, fostering and adoption. We work closely with other agencies to protect children and young people and have a duty to take action where we feel a child or young person is at risk of harm or abuse."

"Children in need are defined in law as children who are aged under 18 and:-

- need local authority services to achieve or maintain a reasonable standard of health or development
- need local authority services to prevent significant or further harm to health or development
- are disabled."

"Why social services may become involved...
-A family may request family support services from social services at times of stress or for help regarding a particular child or family problem.
-Children’s and adults’ social care services can help parents and relatives who are disabled or who are caring for disabled children, including providing ‘short break’ services (inside or outside of the home).
-To help families assess any problems that are affecting the children and signpost them to appropriate community-based support and services."

if social services where capable of reading between lines, and actually looking at my sons previous dealings with them, they would see he is not only IN the NHS diagnosing system, mental health system and under the close care of our local GP and previously our health visitor (and has been for just over two years now) and that this wouldn't be the case for no good or valid reason. i.e. by now, if he was 'just naughty' or i was a 'lame parent', he would be kicked out of these systems pretty quickly as it would be a waste of their time.

by that thought process we can kind of assume that something, somewhere, IS actually wrong/questionable/being looked at.. yes?

lets just say this is the case, and as read above, disabled children get automatic support off social services where and when needed. then why is my child not being treated with that same stick?
because he doesn't yet have the right sticker or label.

but does that make his/our lives any different to the Jones family over there; who have a disability support worker come every week to take their child out on respite day trips, get funding to go to specialist disabled parenting classes you NEED social services referrals to get access to, for advice on how to deal with your child having meltdowns and self harming, having a social worker come every now and again to check the status of the family because contrary to what everyone seems to think child A, B and C of this family are all little people with thoughts and feelings too. but noone professional seems to realize child A or C, regardless of how often they are told, so where does that leave them? feeling like child B is more important; because to them, he looks naughty?

so yes, when i call social services asking for help and support, because our pediatrician appointment isn't for another 6 weeks, the GP can only make referrals and take notes, and the CAMHs referral is still processing (all of these health professionals aside from the GP you have no direct contact too with outside of appointments except with their secretary, so it isn't like i can call his pediatrician and tell her to see us quicker, y'know. it doesn't work like that, unfortunately) i do get irritated, because their website quotes they're supposed to be helping families just like us, and they're not, and it is wrong

hope this clears my feelings and attitude up a little better for you. i don't mean to come across as hostile, but i guess touchy subjects do encourage the keyboard warrior in us.

Riftat and Saffron, -thank you so much for your replys. i found them really constructive and encouraging. it is messages like that that i can go away and DO something with, y'know. that's all stuff i didn't know of or about and i am truly grateful for those new directions.
monday will be a busy phonecall day for me, for sure! and for now, i am going to go and check out all those links
but in reply to the young minds, i've got to say, aside from a few numbers their psychiatrist gave me, i didn't find them all that helpful the lady who called me back essentially had the attitude that i 'should be doing more', but didn't really specify how or what, except get the pediatrician to kick the CAMHs referral up the bum, which i've already left messages for her to do weeks ago

we have a really super tight family unit, luckily.
my mums really good with him, as is my nan.
due to health problems my mother doesn't have the kids as much as she'd like to, but we see her a fair few times a week, and she has child B when i need a break every now and again.
my nan however is child Bs special person. always has been. she's had him weekly most weeks from a very young age, but due to his increasing violent meltdowns she finds it very difficult to deal with him because (and i'm so glad she can't read this because she'd kill me for saying it) she's old, y'know... she can't be dealing with the meltdown side that unfortunately you take the risk getting when you have child B in your responsibility and it is hard to tell which of them it makes more unhappy. child B, or my nan but again, she pops in for lunch with him at least once a week, so we see her often.
my brother is a really good egg too, bless him.
but it's the same story with everyone at the moment. where child B is getting more and more violent in his self harm and meltdowns no one knows how to deal with it, or is confident in their dealings with it.
no one seems to tell me that bit

but, todays been an exceptionally good day with my boy few and far between at the moment, so i will leave on the note that it isn't always *THAT* bad.
days like today make up for all of it<3 and i will keep fighting for what he deserves forever if needs be, directionless or not, because he is my gorgeous, funny, cheeky little heartbreaker<3

Gemma R:- i am not a hostile person. but when it comes to my son getting the help and support he deserves i am pretty anal about being told i'm not trying hard enough.
do you know how hard this system is to crack?
how long you have to struggle every single day because the systems are slow.
how little help or support you actually DO get, even when you ask the 'right' people...
because i am telling you the guidebook parents like me *don't* automatically get with our children is a pretty hard one to learn, and from what i've gathered so far, you learn it as you go. no-one writes it before hand for you, y'know. at the end of the day i am but a lowly 23 year old parent. i don't know everything. i kind of hope if i need to know it- when i ask people questions regarding it, they will point me in a right direction, because unless someone DOES tell you, you can only do your best, and that isn't always right, or even good enough when you have a child with specific needs. hell, it isn't always right with a 'normal' child, but bring behavioral issues, mental health issues and sensory issues into it and it is a whole new ball game.
i am so irritated with social services because i have three children. one who is Affected directly by his needs, and two who are Effected indirectly by his behavior/needs.

social services quote, on their website:-

"Children’s social services offer support for families – including child protection, children in need, fostering and adoption. We work closely with other agencies to protect children and young people and have a duty to take action where we feel a child or young person is at risk of harm or abuse."

"Children in need are defined in law as children who are aged under 18 and:-

- need local authority services to achieve or maintain a reasonable standard of health or development
- need local authority services to prevent significant or further harm to health or development
- are disabled."

"Why social services may become involved...
-A family may request family support services from social services at times of stress or for help regarding a particular child or family problem.
-Children’s and adults’ social care services can help parents and relatives who are disabled or who are caring for disabled children, including providing ‘short break’ services (inside or outside of the home).
-To help families assess any problems that are affecting the children and signpost them to appropriate community-based support and services."

if social services where capable of reading between lines, and actually looking at my sons previous dealings with them, they would see he is not only IN the NHS diagnosing system, mental health system and under the close care of our local GP and previously our health visitor (and has been for just over two years now) and that this wouldn't be the case for no good or valid reason. i.e. by now, if he was 'just naughty' or i was a 'lame parent', he would be kicked out of these systems pretty quickly as it would be a waste of their time.

by that thought process we can kind of assume that something, somewhere, IS actually wrong/questionable/being looked at.. yes?

lets just say this is the case, and as read above, disabled children get automatic support off social services where and when needed. then why is my child not being treated with that same stick?
because he doesn't yet have the right sticker or label.

but does that make his/our lives any different to the Jones family over there; who have a disability support worker come every week to take their child out on respite day trips, get funding to go to specialist disabled parenting classes you NEED social services referrals to get access to, for advice on how to deal with your child having meltdowns and self harming, having a social worker come every now and again to check the status of the family because contrary to what everyone seems to think child A, B and C of this family are all little people with thoughts and feelings too. but noone professional seems to realize child A or C, regardless of how often they are told, so where does that leave them? feeling like child B is more important; because to them, he looks naughty?

so yes, when i call social services asking for help and support, because our pediatrician appointment isn't for another 6 weeks, the GP can only make referrals and take notes, and the CAMHs referral is still processing (all of these health professionals aside from the GP you have no direct contact too with outside of appointments except with their secretary, so it isn't like i can call his pediatrician and tell her to see us quicker, y'know. it doesn't work like that, unfortunately) i do get irritated, because their website quotes they're supposed to be helping families just like us, and they're not, and it is wrong

hope this clears my feelings and attitude up a little better for you. i don't mean to come across as hostile, but i guess touchy subjects do encourage the keyboard warrior in us.

Riftat and Saffron, -thank you so much for your replys. i found them really constructive and encouraging. it is messages like that that i can go away and DO something with, y'know. that's all stuff i didn't know of or about and i am truly grateful for those new directions.
monday will be a busy phonecall day for me, for sure! and for now, i am going to go and check out all those links
but in reply to the young minds, i've got to say, aside from a few numbers their psychiatrist gave me, i didn't find them all that helpful the lady who called me back essentially had the attitude that i 'should be doing more', but didn't really specify how or what, except get the pediatrician to kick the CAMHs referral up the bum, which i've already left messages for her to do weeks ago

we have a really super tight family unit, luckily.
my mums really good with him, as is my nan.
due to health problems my mother doesn't have the kids as much as she'd like to, but we see her a fair few times a week, and she has child B when i need a break every now and again.
my nan however is child Bs special person. always has been. she's had him weekly most weeks from a very young age, but due to his increasing violent meltdowns she finds it very difficult to deal with him because (and i'm so glad she can't read this because she'd kill me for saying it) she's old, y'know... she can't be dealing with the meltdown side that unfortunately you take the risk getting when you have child B in your responsibility and it is hard to tell which of them it makes more unhappy. child B, or my nan but again, she pops in for lunch with him at least once a week, so we see her often.
my brother is a really good egg too, bless him.
but it's the same story with everyone at the moment. where child B is getting more and more violent in his self harm and meltdowns no one knows how to deal with it, or is confident in their dealings with it.
no one seems to tell me that bit

but, todays been an exceptionally good day with my boy few and far between at the moment, so i will leave on the note that it isn't always *THAT* bad.
days like today make up for all of it<3 and i will keep fighting for what he deserves forever if needs be, directionless or not, because he is my gorgeous, funny, cheeky little heartbreaker<3

You are making my point. They are meant to help but they are not, are they? I wouldn't trust social services. Good luck to you

My son is currently going through assessments and we haven't had to go through social services they offered us one but we declined. It's been four months since a referral was made and we have so far seen a specialist behavioral nurse, ed psyh, paediatrician and another SEN specialist for a diagnosis. All I did was go to my health visitor an gp with my concerns and they contacted the local special need assessment team and behavioral nurses. They've been to the house to view him with siblings and without, we have done food diaries, routine changes etc.
I guess what I'm trying to say is instead of Social services go back to the gp and ask for a referal to the SEN community team as you may get a better response from them. Unfortunely getting diagnoses and statements take a long time and sometimes they can't even mark one certain thing down and social services have a lot of children in poverty and at risk of neglect to deal with and as your son doesn't have a diagnosis they may not be able to offer you a disability team sw.

There are better teams out there for getting help and advice for children with additional needs if that is what your child has. Some problems can just be behavioral and there isn't always a diagnosis to give. But the community SEN teams, nurses etc can give you ways on home to deal with the melt downs.

If he has weird sleep pattern have your gp or pediatrician not offered any medication!? You don't need to be diagnosed to recieve them,

someone has to be.
i don't want to complain to social services about social services, i'm sick of being fobbed off with people being unavailable or not at their desks

can go into more detail if asked. just wondering. i can't be the only person really unhappy with their service. and ironically, it's because they refuse to do something, not that they have done something.

Hi Hannah
I have a complaint still pending with ss and you have to follow their procedure to complain
My son is disabled and they refused to do a statutory assessment of his needs, it took me 10 months and I had to literally FORCE them in writing by quoting the law, to make them do it They did and found lots of recommendations We are still awaiting the outcomes of these, so I am going to make my complaint, only after they have fulfilled their obligation
If I can help in any way then please let me know
Fran xx

I'm reading more and picking up more info, so please correct me if I'm wrong
Your son is known to ss because of his behaviours and is under assessment for diagnosis??
Is that right, I'm trying to pick out the info!
The Ed Psych was not helpful, but did they make any recommendations at all?
You home School so there are no other agencies involved who could write a report on your son?
Is he under a Comm Paed? An Acute Paed? A SALT? OT? Anyone else?

You mention he is considered a 'child in need' due to his behaviours This is crucial and changes the law where he is concerned if correct, Who said this, was it ss?

i got in touch with the local MP, he seriously said my son sounded possessed and i should take him to see a vicar

This is disablist and if this were my MP I would expose him to the National press for such a comment
Your MP is elected by the people to represent and help their constituents
This one wants shooting and I am not kidding
I am so outraged by this comment I cannot tell you, this is draconian and if I knew which MP this was I would expose them myself
Appalling behaviour

Ok Hannah there are 2 pieces of information you need to look at and then contact me if you want to chat

The Childrens Act 1989 and 2004 - part 17 Local authority support for children and families

The Chronically Sick and Disabled Act 1970 - An Act to make further provision with respect to the welfare of chronically sick and disabled persons; and for connected purposes.
This act outlays what services the welfare system can offer in regard to someone's chronic sickness or disability, including services and rights, like housing, being safe etc

I've read back through now Hannah and can see why you are frustrated
You are absolutely right ss do have a duty to help Have you written to the HofCS (childrens services) Your first request MUST be in writing
You can chase Paed appointments etc by ringing the Sec and asking if there is a cancellation that they phone you immediately
Do they have any idea what is causing your sons problems
How old is he, I'm guessing around 5/6 ish?
What diagnosis do you think he should have? (this is important if you think he is Autistic, has Childhood Schizophrenia etc it makes a difference) The resources available are different for each condition
Have you looked at the National Autistic Society website they have great advice for managing behaviour
Look for a local parenting group for general disability, you don't need diagnosis for this, you can go along and meet other parents and this will help you
Are you a single Mum or do you have a partner? If separated, does your Ex do their share?

I'm reading more and picking up more info, so please correct me if I'm wrong
Your son is known to ss because of his behaviours and is under assessment for diagnosis??
Is that right, I'm trying to pick out the info!
The Ed Psych was not helpful, but did they make any recommendations at all?
You home School so there are no other agencies involved who could write a report on your son?
Is he under a Comm Paed? An Acute Paed? A SALT? OT? Anyone else?

You mention he is considered a 'child in need' due to his behaviours This is crucial and changes the law where he is concerned if correct, Who said this, was it ss?

summed up my son is indeed known to social services because of his behaviour/s. and this has been the case for the last three years. we have never had a long term social worker, or even a social worker do more than do an innitial assessment. one winter they gave us homecare, the next winter they gave us respite. this year.. nothing

he is seeing a pediatrician and CAHMs at the moment.

when he was in school we had the ed psyc. chocolate teapot comes to mind. if you read the reports the school wrote, the play plans and risk factors with working with him, and then read one of the ed psyc reports you wonder if it is the same child. he baisically ignored my letter for an innitial assessment to be done ASAP and continued 'fact finding' for 7 months. i assumed they found out the facts AFTER the assessment had formally started? but that's just me... in those 7 months my son was left in a mainstream class struggling and deteriorating both there and at home emotionally, mentally and physically. he was allowed to hurt his teacher, children and other children on the yard and he was expelled multiple times for his behavior triggered by the amount of people, the stress and anxiety, the pressure, the noise, the routine... everything. i spent more of my time being called in to calm him down or take him home than him actually being in school. he didnt even start the assessment, let alone make suggestions, because i couldnt keep putting my boy through that every day. lifes hard enough for this kid, y'know...

we literally only see a home school warden type person. shes... pretty indifferent. i see her once every 6 weeks/2 months, it isnt compulsary, she holds no relationship with my child, and probably couldnt tell the difference between him on a good day or a bad :/

and social services have previously called him a child in need due to his behaviors. but aparntly this changes depending on funding they have available

1) Your son has behavioural issues that have not been properly monitored or assessed in an educational setting, which is the usual route You are awaiting a CAMHS referral
When was this referral done, who by, and have they contacted you at all?

2) You have had access to ss support previously but this has now been declined due to 'funding'
You said the assessment in writing was turned down, just to clarify was this ss statutory assessment of needs by the ss disabilities team?
Have ss ever sent someone from the disabilities team to see your son, an OT?

I've read back through now Hannah and can see why you are frustrated
You are absolutely right ss do have a duty to help Have you written to the HofCS (childrens services) Your first request MUST be in writing
You can chase Paed appointments etc by ringing the Sec and asking if there is a cancellation that they phone you immediately
Do they have any idea what is causing your sons problems
How old is he, I'm guessing around 5/6 ish?
What diagnosis do you think he should have? (this is important if you think he is Autistic, has Childhood Schizophrenia etc it makes a difference) The resources available are different for each condition
Have you looked at the National Autistic Society website they have great advice for managing behaviour
Look for a local parenting group for general disability, you don't need diagnosis for this, you can go along and meet other parents and this will help you
Are you a single Mum or do you have a partner? If separated, does your Ex do their share?

i've been so far up the pediatricians butt we're on a first name, know by voice basis unfortunatly, she just seems super busy :/ she did bring our next appointment forwards eventually from mid nov to oct 17th. thank god. and i have started keeping a diary and taking videos of my sons behavior so noone can argue it happens or to the degrees it happens at times.

they seem to have as much of an idea as i do with regards to an outcome. previously the main issues where self harm, funny habbits, ticks, a huge lack of social interaction, meltdowns and a lack of sleep routine. it has been assumed it was on the autistic spectrum. but with the new behaviours on display i personally, really think it is a mental health problem, and if i go even deeper into that i'd say there are a few different versions of my son, if you get what i mean. id say the closest thing his behaviors describe as now is either bi-polor or multiple personalities. he changes so quickly from funny, cheeky, cuddly mummys boy to accusing me of not being his mother and acting terrified of being smacked (which we dont do in this house). he also has 'flashbacks' of past lives. i'll call them flashbacks because any other suggestion right now weirds me out, but he has told people very in depth about his 'other mother and father', and his past life from 'when he was a race horse', we're talking silk colours, fockys names, races run :/ we arent a horse race family, it's weird how in depth he can go with them for a kid with limited imagination. especially one who will only watch the same three or four ancient disney videos, so it isn't even a chance he will have copied off the TV.

he is nearly 6.

and i am a single parent. his father... lets just say we went into a refuge when my son was a tiny baby and havent had dealings with him since, and any relationships ive had since i've kept away from my kids because these problems are mine, i don't trust men with my children, and i have enough on my plate without men demanding commitment or more attention when i have little left in the pot by the end of the day. i like it being just me and the kids. i like my house being mine. i like closing the door at night and having quiet to myself to rest my brain. and most of all i love not having to think about anyone but the children and me. its messed up, but the way i see it is my children get alot of contact with family, both close and extended. i have two very close male friends, that have been round since *I* was in primary school, who are really good with the kids, they get their fair share of 'male role models' in different ways

I'm going to stick my neck out and say that the course of action you can take with regard to ss

Ask the Paediatrician to write a letter (a good one will understand and will be happy for you to more or less dictate it so make a draft) to social services disabilities team, saying, that your son is under his/her care for an as yet undiagnosed mental health condition, which has been referred to CAMHS for due assessment and as the child has severe behavioural issues caused solely by their mental health condition, making it impossible for him to remain in a mainstream educational setting, and also has serious sleep issues, both affecting his well being and development, they would be grateful if ss could help the family

Then, write to ss and enclose the letter (copy) asking that in line with the Childrens Act 1989 part 17 and the Chronically Sick and Disabled Act 1970 that as your son is regarded to be a 'Child in Need' that a statutory assessment of his needs and of your needs as his primary carer be carried out ASAP to determine what help is available
You look forward to hearing from them with an appointment

Under statutory law they have to carry out the assessment, but this does not give access to services automatically, the assessment will determine what services are required to meet his and your needs

With CAMHS Chase them, continuously and ask the Paed and ss (at the assessment) to chase them

I'm going to stick my neck out and say that the course of action you can take with regard to ss

Ask the Paediatrician to write a letter (a good one will understand and will be happy for you to more or less dictate it so make a draft) to social services disabilities team, saying, that your son is under his/her care for an as yet undiagnosed mental health condition, which has been referred to CAMHS for due assessment and as the child has severe behavioural issues caused solely by their mental health condition, making it impossible for him to remain in a mainstream educational setting, and also has serious sleep issues, both affecting his well being and development, they would be grateful if ss could help the family

Then, write to ss and enclose the letter (copy) asking that in line with the Childrens Act 1989 part 17 and the Chronically Sick and Disabled Act 1970 that as your son is regarded to be a 'Child in Need' that a statutory assessment of his needs and of your needs as his primary carer be carried out ASAP to determine what help is available
You look forward to hearing from them with an appointment

Under statutory law they have to carry out the assessment, but this does not give access to services automatically, the assessment will determine what services are required to meet his and your needs

With CAMHS Chase them, continuously and ask the Paed and ss (at the assessment) to chase them

i will follow all of your advice at this next ped meeting. im currently reading the childrens act mentioned before. they don't make it easy, do they. by any means.

i've been so far up the pediatricians butt we're on a first name, know by voice basis unfortunatly, she just seems super busy :/ she did bring our next appointment forwards eventually from mid nov to oct 17th. thank god. and i have started keeping a diary and taking videos of my sons behavior so noone can argue it happens or to the degrees it happens at times.

they seem to have as much of an idea as i do with regards to an outcome. previously the main issues where self harm, funny habbits, ticks, a huge lack of social interaction, meltdowns and a lack of sleep routine. it has been assumed it was on the autistic spectrum. but with the new behaviours on display i personally, really think it is a mental health problem, and if i go even deeper into that i'd say there are a few different versions of my son, if you get what i mean. id say the closest thing his behaviors describe as now is either bi-polor or multiple personalities. he changes so quickly from funny, cheeky, cuddly mummys boy to accusing me of not being his mother and acting terrified of being smacked (which we dont do in this house). he also has 'flashbacks' of past lives. i'll call them flashbacks because any other suggestion right now weirds me out, but he has told people very in depth about his 'other mother and father', and his past life from 'when he was a race horse', we're talking silk colours, fockys names, races run :/ we arent a horse race family, it's weird how in depth he can go with them for a kid with limited imagination. especially one who will only watch the same three or four ancient disney videos, so it isn't even a chance he will have copied off the TV.

he is nearly 6.

and i am a single parent. his father... lets just say we went into a refuge when my son was a tiny baby and havent had dealings with him since, and any relationships ive had since i've kept away from my kids because these problems are mine, i don't trust men with my children, and i have enough on my plate without men demanding commitment or more attention when i have little left in the pot by the end of the day. i like it being just me and the kids. i like my house being mine. i like closing the door at night and having quiet to myself to rest my brain. and most of all i love not having to think about anyone but the children and me. its messed up, but the way i see it is my children get alot of contact with family, both close and extended. i have two very close male friends, that have been round since *I* was in primary school, who are really good with the kids, they get their fair share of 'male role models' in different ways

Great news with the Paed, get an emergency appointment for the letter and be frank with her about what you need
Poor lil fella he really has got a lot to deal with but he has you and your sleeves are clearly rolled up so he is in good hands
You need support, that is what a carers assessment is Think about what you need, respite etc
We have things in common I'm also a single mum, my son is 5 and has complex needs Downs Syndrome, ASD SPD and medical (my sister has bipolar and schizophrenia so I have gained a broad knowledge of MH over the years!) He has obviously been in the system from birth diagnosed ASD at 3 and is in mainstream with full time 121 SEN
I got the ss assessment as my son was in danger in the house we lived in, it was rented and by the time they did come out we had been given notice, so are in temp housing (not B&B as proposed ) and await a house being adapted to meet my sons needs
The assessment can carry weight, but you must have back up and proof and be very rigid about what you need, what you think the outcomes will be if you get it etc
Always happy to help if I can Hannah and will pm my fb account to keep in touch
Stay strong
Fran xxx