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Phoenix Predictions and Prognostications: Sponsors Needed

Several high profile drivers and teams remain without solid sponsorship for the season’s first oval race – a big deal around here – including the previous winner. As true IndyCar racing arrives with Saturday night’s fiesta of fast in Phoenix, it’s the lack of big, big money that rightfully has some fans concerned.

Image from digital journal.com

Empty sidepods are less than desirable, especially when they adorn a super team that sometimes tends not to finish races and another that barely cracks the top ten (except for Dixon). Scott enjoyed the thirty ninth win of his storied career last year in the desert, yet three races in still hasn’t found a permanent replacement for the dearly departed Target. How 100th Indy 500 winner Alexander Rossi’s car remains a blank slate is equally incomprehensible. In the spirit of ovular optimism, our special prediction is that this dearth of signage on quality competitors won’t last long.

Photo from motorsport.com

Speaking of money, Helio Castro-Neveswill repeat last year’s qualifying performance and secure his forty ninth career pole. It’ll be his second such award of the young season and a triumph for over-forty tax evaders everywhere (though mainly Brazil). Because – or perhaps in spite – of this, the Cap’n’s senior (and at 41 we mean senior) quals expert is consistently flush with sponsorship. Let’s just hope he fully reports it to the Infernal Revenue “Service” this time.

Photo from twitter.com

First out of the race will be Ed “crash” Carpenter, who’s only finished three of his last eleven races dating back to 2015. The series’ only owner/driver and Tony George’s stepson no doubt has a lot on his plate beyond piloting part time, though the team does enjoy solid backing from Fuzzy’s Vodka. With repair bills mounting like national debt and J.R. “wallbanger” Hildebrand returning from a broken hand, it’s a good thing.

Photo from nytimes.com

Our biggest surprise of the race revolves around rookie phenom Ed “jihad” Jones. Returning to earth in Alabama after a paradisaical start to his career, the Middle Eastern born terror will be in screaming attack mode on Saturday. “Olly olly Oxenbar!” That it’ll be his first ever oval race in the big cars will make a solid finish that much more explosive. In all seriousness, it’s hard not to root for Dale Coyne‘s underdog rookie with Boy Scouts sponsorship.

Photo from twitter.com

Race winner takes us back in a circular manner – get it? – to where we started: a double D sized star without much support. Sure NTT Data’s aboard – temporarily and as a show of solidarity with TK‘s teammate – but Dixie‘s unquestionably worthy of a high profile sponsor of his own. Saturday night’s repeat win will demonstrate his prowess yet again to potential backers everywhere, and in big, big money fashion. We just hope they’re watching.