Thursday, June 10, 2010

To my surprise, today is the 12th day of my following the Course in Miracles. There are 365 lessons, one for each day, which I started on my birthday. I've heard about the Course in Miracles for years--decades really--but wasn't drawn to it until now. The reason for this is clear to me. I wasn't ready for this teaching which is all about forgiveness. The only way to salvation is by forgiving others. Ugh! Anything but that, was my first thought. I really got the lesson about truth and freedom, but for years now I have been using truth and freedom mostly as a weapon to beat other people with. It's clear that it's time to lay the sword down.

The path that lead me to start the Course was circuitous. First I read a book by David Icke called Human Race Get Off Your Knees. While I believe that most of what is written there is true, it was about 700 pages of very depressing stuff. We live in a world where religion destroys true spirituality, medicine destroys health, education destroys true knowledge, the legal system destroys true justice. Yep. I get this. But there were only a few pages at the end that were inspiring, concerning what to do to clean up this mess. So I finished this book and prayed for inspiration.

Then a friend sent me a book for my birthday called The Disappearance of the Universe. It discussed the Course in Miracles and the importance of forgiveness. I started shifting from focusing on everything that's wrong with the world, and started focusing on what is wrong with me. I don't forgive. I see minor things as attacks. I play old events that happened years ago over in my mind and get angry. My mind is insane--as is everyone else's. OK, I realized that I needed help to get to the next level. And it couldn't be another guru. I was not about to give my power away again. The teaching needed to be a self-study course.

Another friend gave me a book for my birthday which I had already read. She exchanged it for the Course and off we went. In addition to the 365 lessons there is a LOT of text. Most people don't read the text, but of course I do. I'm up to page 600 and it's intense. But here's what has spoken to me so far. Illness comes from attack--believing that you can be attacked and in turn attacking others. Since in Reality there is only one of us, when you attack another person you are really attacking yourself. The way to heal is by forgiving, rather than attacking. In reality, there is nothing to forgive as no one is really hurting you. But at this level, where we are still in the illusion of separation, forgiveness is necessary.

So for purely selfish reasons, I am now focusing on forgiving and not attacking--as I do not want to live in a lonely world where illness and pain reigns. Forgiveness will pave the way to Heaven on Earth. Unfortunately forgiveness does not come as easily as freedom does for me, but then again I haven't been practicing for very long. And I know that I have help, as I can call upon the Holy Spirit for support. This is the only way to end the insanity of the world. I need to end my own insanity.

About Me

Born in New York City of Greek immigrant parents, I spent the first four decades of my life passionately pursuing success. I obtained an MBA from New York University, moved up the corporate ladder, married an investment banker, and bought a coop in Manhattan and a house in the Hamptons. Having finally achieved the success I desired, I found myself depressed and miserable. Then it all fell apart, first when my husband asked for a divorce and then when I lost my job.
What followed next was a passionate pursuit of spirituality, which moved me to California where I met a spiritual teacher and followed him for six years--as a student and also working for his foundation. I committed to waking up, but became immersed in spiritual concepts and judgments. Finally, the spiritual community fell apart and I found myself back in the corporate world working for a high tech company, and finally finding balance in my life.
I find that I have a clear perspective on life--at least my life--that is both practical and spiritual, that I like to share. This is what feeds me and gives my life meaning and joy. I look forward to connecting with you at this level--of truth, freedom, and the heart.