The phrase "I'm a very sexual person" has never been uttered by
you, like ever.

-You only use axe body spray ironically if at all.
-You naturally smell like axe body spray.
-You give love freely, kind of like Jesus. People can feel that
about you, and always feel comfortable in your presence.
-You actually are Jesus, in some form.
-You don't want to see me slip through the cracks of life and have
some kind words to offer.