Last night on The Real World: Portlandwas the night of everyone apologizing to each other, unless you happen to be Anastasia and your boyfriend Mark is visiting, in which case it was the night of making me incredibly uncomfortable on national television with your toxic relationship.

The episode started out normally enough, with Jessica continuing her complaining streak from last week. And rightly enough, honestly, because if you’ll recall, Johnny ended last week by screaming at her that she was fat and getting fatter, so. Suprisingly, Nia actually doesn’t instigate the drama for once, encouraging Jess to get over it and move on.

Meanwhile Anastasia is getting psyched up for her boyfriend to visit, but she’s pissed off because the roommates, particularly Marlon, can’t even remember his name. She’s frustrated because she feels like she’s there for everybody through their own stuff, and nobody’s even listening to her when she talks. She complains about it on the phone with Mark, who does listen while she talks, but also calls her ‘dude’. Like a lot. So you win some, you lose some, I guess.

Oh and even though she’s not manufacturing human drama this week, Nia is still exhibiting some very strange behavior, namely in the form of feeding weird foods to Averey‘s dog Daisy. Like at one point she has her up on the counter eating shredded cheese with ranch poured over it. Very odd, and it’s getting Daisy very fat. Even the vet says so.

And now, finally, Mark has arrived, and we can watch this weird dynamic in person. Ana has made a point of saying how serious this relationship is in the past, so I’m preparing myself for some deep soulful looks and unquestioning support. Guess what I didn’t get? ANY OF THAT. First of all, they’re on totally different pages drinking-wise. Anastasia makes a point of saying that excessive drinking makes her uncomfortable, and she stops fairly early on in the evening, while Mark is clearly looking to get wasted.

When they get home, they’re going to bed and she starts snarking at him a little for ‘going overboard’, which he’s not into at all. They start out just quietly arguing and all of a sudden they’re yelling and Anastasia is telling Mark to go home and not come back, and it’s insane. He’s packing his bags and she’s screaming and crying and calling her mom, who tells her to just apologize to him and say she doesn’t want to fight. But by the time she goes to look for him, he’s already left the loft. So she and Nia go to his hotel, and this is the first moment that I realize that Anastasia is honestly really drunk too. She’s a MESS. Falling all over Nia, who’s like, ‘girl, you need to pull it together’. And when they get to the hotel room, my mouth was literally hanging open in shock. The things that these two were saying to each other were unreal. Mark was calling her a bitch, saying he needed her out of his sight, and if she went back to the reality show he wanted nothing more to do with her. And she’s begging and pleading and crying and apologizing and saying things like, “You love me! Tell me you love me!” It was…intensely horrifying.

And next day, after pleading with him again on the phone asking to be allowed to come over and explain herself, they were kissing each other like nothing ever happened! They were like, “Oh boy, last night, huh? Sorry about that.” And I’m like — GUYS! You were screaming profanities at each other! Break up! But instead, Mark just gets what he wants, because Anastasia decides to leave the show and come home with him. They only have 2-3 more weeks of filming, but he can’t live another day without her or whatever, so she starts packing. Honestly it’s ridiculous. I can’t even believe what I’m watching. It’s so incredibly manipulative and unhealthy and nobody seems aware of the extent of it.

Averey is upset that she’s leaving, but decides to support her through it, and nobody else in the house really tells her what a dumb fucking idea it is. Surprisingly enough, the person to get through to her is Jordan, who thinks it’s a good idea for her to follow through with this experience, and points out that it’s weird her boyfriend doesn’t feel the same way. If he can’t cope without her, that’s on him, not her. UH YEAH DUH. So she decides to stay, and all is right in the kingdom again.

Meanwhile, Nia accidentally interrupts Johnny and Averey literally mid-coitus to apologize, and Johnny apologizes to Jessica as well. He says she didn’t deserve any of the thins he said to her, and that he regrets the words he used. Hurray! Hoopla! Christmas saved! But all can’t be perfect, because even though Mark is gone, he’s still derailing her happiness via phone, saying they have a lot to talk about when she gets home. Somehow the conversation turns to whether she wants to be with him, and she says she doesn’t know. SHE DOESN’T KNOW. Tune in next week for the exciting next installment.

That episode was far crazier than even the preview could have captured! I was on the edge of my seat when the camera was pointed at the hotel room that Anastasia and her bf were supposedly in. I was seriously thinking the situation was going to get physical behind closed doors. The entire time Mark was there, he seemed completely uncomfortable with all of the cameras. By the time they showed the club footage of him rushing to get wasted, I could easily guess why.

The strangest thing about the ep for me wasn’t necessarily the Anastasia drama. It was that for 30-35min or so, Jordan was nowhere in sight. I thought something must’ve went horribly wrong and he had to leave the crew for a few days. But then later they randomly show him laying belly-first on the stool in the kitchen. It was nice to see that he actually played a positive role this time around. Cheers!

Alexis Rhiannon

I had the same thought about Jordan! I guess he just wasn’t dramatic enough this episode, he didn’t get very much screen time!