Joey: Well Ross was hanginí out over at our place, Rachel comes over to borrow some moisturiser from Chandler....

Chandler: Yeah y-you, how hard is it to say something? Rachel came over to borrow something.

Joey: Anyway! Her and Ross just started yelling at each other.

Phoebe: Wait. Why was he yelling at her? Heís the one who slept with someone else.

Joey: Well, I guess he says that because they were on a break when it happened, that she should of forgiven him by now.

Phoebe: Whoa!! He is soo unreasonable! God, although I think I understand what he means. Oh my God, this is like 60 Minutes, okay, when, when, at first youíre really mad at that pharmaceutical company for making the drug and then y'know you just feel bad for the people because they needed to make their hair grow.

Chandler: Y'know what this is like? This is like when my parents got divorced. Man, I hope Ross doesnít try to kidnap me after Cub Scouts.

Phoebe: Y'know I had a dream where Ross and Rachel were still together, they never broke up. And we were all just like hanging out, and everyone was happy....

Joey: I had the same dream!

Phoebe: Yeah, and nobody slept with that Xerox girl.

Joey: Oh, I had the opposite dream.

Chandler: Y'know what maybe itís gonna be okay, I mean itís been a week.

Joey: Yeah, I mean itís never taken me a week to get over a relationship.

Monica: Itís never taken you more than a shower to get over a relationship.

[Rachel enters.]

Monica: (seeing her) Okay, letís go!! Letís hit the road!!

Rachel: Hey!

Monica: Letís get the show on it!

Rachel: Okay, let me just get a cup of coffee.

Monica: Oh Rachel, I know the best coffee house and itís sooo close.

Rachel: Closer than here?

Phoebe: (turning around and picking a cup off of a table) Oh, hey, look, I found coffee! (handing her the cup) Okay, letís skedaddle.

[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, the whole gang is there, except for Ross and Rachel. Joey is trying to eat Chinese with chopsticks and fails miserably. Thereís a knock on the door, and Chandler answers it to reveal Rachel]

Rachel: (softly) Is he here?

Chandler: No.

Rachel: Oh. (smiles) Hereís your moisturiser. Hi!

Monica and Phoebe: Hey!

Rachel: You guys are gonna love meee! Okay, check it out, Thursday night, five tickets, Calvin Klein lingerie show, and you guys are coming with me. (theyíre all silent and look away) Okay, I said that out loud right?

Chandler: Yes, yes, itís just that we ah, we kinda all ready, made plans with Ross.

Rachel: Oh, well okay. Well, there you go.

Phoebe: No, itís just that he got this new like home theater dealie, and he wants y'know, us to check it out.

Rachel: Hm-mm.

Chandler: Yeah, heís really excited about it too, he even recorded show times on his answering machine.

Rachel: Ohh!

Monica: Weíre sorry honey.

Rachel: Oh, itís okay. (starts to leave)

Joey: Rach, itís, itís ah, itís not that we donít want to, really. (quietly) Are we talking models in their underwear?

Rachel: And heels.

Joey: (He turns around to Chandler looking for approval to go with Rachel, Chandler mouths ĎCome on!í) (turning back to Rachel) Ross, did ask us first, and we set that night aside.

Chandler: Nope, hymn 253, His Eyes Are On The Sparrow! When my parents got divorced is when I started using humour as a defence mechanism. (answers the door and itís Rachel again.)

Rachel: Hi! Uhh, do you guys have plans for the weekend? Because I have my sister on hold, and she said that we could use her cabin for the weekend and go skiing. Huh? Iím asking you first, right?!. I mean Iím playing by the rules.

All: Absolutely, yeah!

Rachel: Chandler! Youíre smoking? What are you doing?!

Chandler: Hey, shut up!! Youíre not my real Mom!!

[Scene: Rossís, the gang, minus Rachel of course, is there. Chandler is forced to smoke by an open window.]

Joey: (obviously cold) Hey, can you close that window Chandler? My nipples can cut glass over here!

Phoebe: Wait. Really?! ĎCause mine get me out of tickets.

Ross: Look, you guys I just wanna say, I really, really appreciate you spending this time with me. Itís been a pretty hard time right now, so I just wanna say thanks.

Chandler: Can somebody else hug him? I have to stay by the window.

Ross: Oh hey, hey, huh, how about this weekend we have a laser disc marathon okay, and maybe a tournament on my new dart board? Huh, huh, what do you think? (in an Irish accent) Two days of darts, itíll be great!

Joey: Itíll be great for next weekend.

Ross: No, no, no, this weekend guys!

Joey: Itíll be great for next weekend. I mean, (in an Irish accent) itíll be grrreat.

Ross: Whatís going on?

Phoebe: Well, we were um, sorta invited to go skiing, y'know Rachelís sisterís cabin. (Chandler goes back to the window to smoke again.)

Ross: So, for the whole weekend?

Monica: Weíre really sorry, but um, she did ask us first.

Ross: Yeah, thatís okay, I mean if you guys all have to go away for the first weekend Iím alone by myself, y'know then I totally, totally understand.

Phoebe: Y'know what, I can stay, Iím gonna stay. ĎCause the last time I went skiing I was to afraid to jump off the chair lift, I just went around and around.

Joey: Uh, Pheebs we kinda need you to drive us all up there in your grandmotherís cab, but y'know what, Iíll stay.

Monica: Noo! Iíll stay. Heís my brother.

Ross: What a pity stay?

Monica: No! Weíre gonna have fun. We can make fudge!

Ross: Pity food? Y'know what thatís okay, all right, I donít need any of you to stay, okay nobody stays.

Chandler: Well, then, I might as well offer to stay.

[Scene: In Phoebeís Grandmotherís cab, driving up to the cabin. Phoebeís driving, Rachelís sitting shotgun, Chandler, Monica, and Joey are in the back seat.]

Chandler: I have the lung capacity of a two year old. (starts to light another cigarette.)

Monica: Then why are you smoking?

Chandler: Well itís very unsettling.

[Scene: Carol and Susanís, Ross is eating the dinner Carol made for Susan.]

Ross: ....right? Right? I mean itís pretty unbelievable y'know, I mean they just took off, took off without even looking back. Y'know I donít, I donít need them, huh, Iíve got you guys now as friends, you and Susan.

Carol: Ah, Susan will be so pleased.

[Rossís beeper goes off.]

Ross: (looking at the page) 717? (to Carol) Whereís 717? (He gets up to return the page, Carol starts to take the last of the food into the kitchen, but Ross grabs the last piece.) Hey, youíve have more of these for Susan right?

Carol: No. But itís okay, Iíll just put out pickles or something.

[Cut to the rest stop, Monica and Phoebe are waiting anxiously by the phone as it rings.]

Phoebe: (answering the phone) (whispering) Ross, thank God.

Ross: Pheebs? What, why are you whispering?

Phoebe: I ate a bug.

[Rachel starts to walk up.]

Monica: (running over to stop Rachel) Hey Rach, the tampons here are only a penny. Letís stock up. (takes her into the bathroom)

Phoebe: Listen Ross, we ran out of gas, and we donít know where we are, so we canít get a tow truck.

Ross: Oh, now you want a favour?

Phoebe: Yes, please.

Ross: Well, oh, Iím sorry your car broke down Pheebs, but Iím a little too busy with some of my real friends right now, but please call to let me know you got home safely okay?

Carol: (running over and grabbing the phone away from Ross) (on phone) Phoebe, hang on a second. (Hands Ross her keys) Here, take my car, go pick up your friends.

Ross: No, Iím not gonna pick them up.

Carol: Listen, we both know youíre gonna do it Ďcause youíre not a jerk. Okay? So you can either sulk here for a half hour and then go pick them up, or save us both time and sulk in the car.

Ross: No, Rachel doesnít want me to....

Carol: Look, I-I-I am sorry that Rachel dumped you Ďcause she fell in love with that Mark guy, and you are the innocent victim in all of this, but donít punish your friends for what Rachel did to you.

Rachel: Oh, Iím sorry, were you speaking to me or sleeping with someone else?

Ross: We were on a break!

Rachel: Y'know Ross why donít you put that on your answering machine!

Ross: Hey-hey, itís valid okay? And Iím not the only one who thinks so, Monica agrees with me.

Rachel: (to Monica) What?!

Monica: (shyly) I donít know.

Ross: Thatís what you said last night.

Monica: What I said was, was that I understood. Joeyís the one who agreed with you!

Ross: Okay.

Rachel: Really Joey?

Joey: (pause) What?

Phoebe: Y'know what, but there is, there is no right or wrong, here.

Rachel: No, I think itís very obvious whoís wrong here.

Ross: Obviously not to Joey.

[They all turn around and look at Joey.]

Joey: (pause) What?

[They all start fighting with each other.]

Ross: (to Rachel) Look both, Joey and Monica feel the same way that I do. No-no-no-no.

Chandler: Guys, guys, guess who I am?! (starts dancing around in an effort to stop the fighting.)

[They stop briefly to look at Chandler, but then start fighting again.]

Phoebe: Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!! Hey!!! (they all stop fighting, Chandler continues to dance.) Look what youíre doing to Chandler!! (Chandler finally stops) (to Ross and Rachel) Yeah, look, we know this is really, really hard for you guys. Okay? (Ross starts to leave) You donít, all right you donít have to love each other, okay? You donít, you donít even have to like each other much right now. But please, you have to figure out a way to be around each other.

Joey: Yeah, and not put us in the middle.

Phoebe: Yeah, otherwise, I mean thatís, thatís, thatís just it for us hanging out together. Y'know is that what you want? (they both look away) Can you be civil?

Rachel: Yeah.

Ross: I can.

Phoebe: Okay. Good, all right, letís get back in the car, Ďcause itís freezing, and my chest is unsupported.

Joey: Oh what, wait, wait a second, I mean, what are we doing? Whoís going with who?

Ross: Look, you guys, you guys should go. (Joey tries to say something, but Ross cuts him off.) No, Iím, you, you planned this all out, and I donít want to ruin it, so you guys should just go.

Joey: Come on man, you drove all the way up here.

Ross: No, no, really, Iíve got to take the car back anyway, Iím spending all day tomorrow with Ben, Itís fine, no guilt I promise.

Rachel: Thank you.

Monica: All right, weíll call you when we get back.

Ross: Okay.

Phoebe: Maybe we can like go to a movie or something.

Ross: Okay.

Phoebe: Or, or the rodeo!!

Ross: That would be great.

Phoebe: Okay!

Chandler: I was being Shelly Winters from The Poseidon Adventure.

Ross: I know!

[They all get in the cab and drive away.]

Phoebe: Bye!!!

[Ross tries to start the truck, and discovers the batteryís dead.]

CLOSING CREDITS

[Scene: Carol and Susanís, Carol is running to answer the door.]

Carol: (looking through the peephole) Ugh. (opening the door) Ross!

Ross: (entering) Hi! Sorry Iím late. Were you sleeping?

Carol: Ahh, nooo!!

Ross: Oh, great! Listen, oh I had to get you a whole new battery. I got you the best one I could, Ďcause thatís not where you want to skimp.

Carol: Youíre a genius, Ross.

Ross: Yeah, well it came to about $112, but what the hell, just call it an even 110?

Carol: Okay, Iíll pay you tomorrow. (pushes him out the door)

Ross: Okay.

Carol: Okay, bye!!

Ross: So they ah, they all took off, it was pretty hard watching them go, y'know?

Carol: Yeah, okay, bye. (closes the door, turns out the lights, and runs back to the bedroom)