Spock
swallowed hard. "I was only just informed myself two days ago," he
replied. But it was not the explanation Kirk wanted, or deserved.
Before he could continue, Kirk said, voice hushed and deep: "You're
leaving again." He stared at his cooling eggs.

[][][][][][][][]

He
suddenly found his voice. "It is so hard," he said, after years of
being told you have no feelings, or should not have, to ignore it
all." He caught his breath. He could smell Jim, sweat and soap and
salt again. He thought he could hear the man's heart thrum.

"I
know," Kirk said, voice a near whisper. Still, neither of them
moved. "You said as much at breakfast. How they've hurt you." A
small smile touched the corners of the firm mouth. "But like you
told me that night after the fight. Remember? Don't let them get
the best of you."

Spock
remembered. And all he wanted to do was repeat the act. "They will
control my mind no longer," Spock vowed. The human's eyes
glittered. Spock felt suddenly dizzy, as if he were falling. But
still he stood upright, unmoving.

The
desert vista of ShiKahr scuttled across his memories, joining others
he wanted to pulverize into dust. Red midday sky. Taunting young,
pure-bred children who never laughed, and thus could learn only to
disapprove. Gol masters who referred to his human blood as
"stain". The illusion of non-emotion. The secrecy behind closed
doors that refuted it. The hypocrisy. The masks they wore in place
of the true self.

"You
are," Spock forced from out a hot throat, through burning lips.
"You are the best thing that's ever happened to me."

Spock
moved, then, stepping forward and pulling Jim to him hard, silencing
the words. Words were still so hard. Too hard to say or to listen
to. This was easier, strangely. Crushing warmth and humanity to
his cold. He was the tundra. He had been too long waiting for sun.

[][][][][][][][]

This is
a story of revealed love, separation, loss, and reclamation. Kirk
becomes embroiled in a dangerous experiment against his will, and
Spock is forced to take position as ruler of all of Vulcan in order
to utilize all his power to bring Kirk back to his side. Both men
are forced to make decisions that may never allow them to go "home"
again. Can Kirk still be the vibrant individual he is away from his
command? Can Spock remain true to his soul while ruling a world of
people he has come to despise?

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One
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Two
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