Is MeToo undermining mentoring?

A number of recent articles, both popular and academic, have
fuelled concerns that fear of being accused of inappropriate behaviour is
causing men to avoid being mentors to women. For example, a recent article in
the International Journal of Advanced
Research speaks of men in positions of power being afraid to mentor women.

It sounds logical and it may well be true, but there exists
at this time no empirical evidence that this phenomenon is real, nor, if it is,
how extensive it is. Nonetheless, organizations, which aim to support the
career progression of talented females through mentoring would do well to
ensure that the perceived risks of an intellectually and emotionally intimate
relationship such as mentoring do not deter men from taking on this important
role.

So what precautions can you take? Here are some practical
guidelines.

Don’t
confuse mentoring with sponsorship. Although the two roles are often
conflated in the US, they are essential incompatible, the former opening up
deep and introspective dialogue, the other more often closing it down. The
problems highlighted by the MeToo movement arise because of abuse of power. The more significant the
“mentor’s” power and influence are in the relationship, the higher the
potential for abuse. Separate sponsorship arrangements are fine – when there is
no pretence that this is a learning relationship. Remember that the core of
mentoring is one person using their wisdom to help another develop their own
wisdom.

Select
mentors and mentees, who are willing and capable of co-learning. One-way
learning tends to create dependencies, dependency leads to power imbalance and
power imbalance creates fertile ground for power abuse. This is not just about
senior men unconsciously asserting their own authority and importance. An equal
problem is the mentee, who is excessively needy and is looking for a
father-figure to sort out her life. In such situations, the mentor may be the
one feeling abused, although his ego does not allow him to admit it.

Ensure
that both mentors and mentees understand their roles and the boundaries
relating to them. The international standards for mentoring programmes
(from the European Mentoring and Coaching Council) recognise that good practice
involves sufficient understanding for each party to enter into the relationship
with clarity about their responsibilities to themselves and each other. When
both are aligned in their expectations of the relationship, misunderstandings
are much less likely to occur.

Train
mentors and mentees in how to recognise, give voice to and learn from emotional
discomfort. Trying to bury feelings of, for example, being patronised only
makes things worse. Here’s an insightful comment from a male mentor, a senior
executive: “Every now and then my mentee would go quiet and withdrawn for a
moment or two. At first, I just blundered on, because I didn’t know why and I
didn’t know what to say. Eventually, I plucked up courage and asked her what
was going on for her in those moments. I was shocked that my words were being taken
in a completely different way from what I was intending. Then I asked her how she would phrase the points I was trying
to get across. We ended up creating a whole new language (new to me) that has
been really helpful for me in conversations with women in my organization.”
When both mentors and mentees learn how to disentangle intent from impact and
explore these together, not only does the potential for misunderstanding
diminish, but the quantity and quality of co-learning expands.

Check in
with every mentoring relationship from time to time. Ask both mentors and
mentees what they find liberating and empowering; and what makes them feel the
opposite. Encourage each mentoring pair to have this conversation, but also
bring participants together for group sharing of how they have worked together
to create truly collaborative learning relationships.

Mentoring is intended to be a “safe place”, where people can
be authentic and explore issues together creatively. And that means safe for
mentors as well as mentees.

copyright David Clutterbuck, 2019

Bohsle, A and
Bohsle, M (2018) To do or not to do … mentoring in a MeToo era, International Journal of Advanced Research
6 (12), 1075-1077

How a manager behaves in any specific situation depends on many factors, including how much preparation time they have, but the two most significant factors are their general style preference and the range of options they have within their preference. …

How a manager behaves in any specific situation depends on many factors, including how much preparation time they have, but the two most significant factors are their general style preference and the range of options they have within their preference. …

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