Two women flashed their breasts at a man who had just entered his pin at an ATM in Paris’s Left Bank this weekend. While he was distracted, one of them withdrew 300 euros from his account. Police are now looking for the women, who were recorded by the security camera. So, ladies, if anyone in a French police uniform tells you to take off your shirt so he can compare you to the suspects, it’s totally legit.

In other “holy sh-t, really?” news, rabid vampire bats have bitten more than 500 people in Urakusa, Peru. The Health Ministry has sent vaccines and supplies to the remote, Amazonian region. No one has yet to develop any superpowers. Hollywood has lied to us again.

And now for something far less depressing than rabid vampire bat attacks: a go-kart driver in St. Paul, Minnesota took police on a high speed chase that reached blistering speeds of up to 20 miles per hour. Police say suspect Say Hai ran two red lights and nearly swerved into oncoming traffic. They say Say Hai continued to attempt escape even after being Tasered three times. How did he get the superpowers to resist that many Taser attacks? Not from a vampire bat bite, that’s for sure. Anyway, this guy should now Say Hai to his cellmate. HEY-O!

A farmer in China spent four days searching for his missing cow (pictured at left) before connecting the dots between his cow and locals who had been complaining about the mooing coming from the sewers. (AustrianTimes)

Japan’s long national nightmare is over now that the escaped monkey in Tokyo has been captured. (JapanProbe)

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Unlike the ATM bandits mentioned above, none of the 5,943 bank robberies last year were perpetrated by topless women. And here’s an infographic with other disappointing bank heist facts. (VisualLoop)

In a study of over two thousand death certificates in California, researchers found that, among people who are similar in all other demographics, the ones who have generally positive-sounding initials (ACE, JOY, WIN, etc.) live longer than those with generally negative initials (BUM, PIG, SAD, etc.). No word on what happens when you name your kid Apple. (Discoblog)