04/23/2014

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01/20/2010

When I was in the monastery, it took me only five minutes to commute to work. I merely rolled out of bed, ambled down a few vaulted archways and arrived in chapel. For the past twenty years in my corporate job, it took me three hours. I spent the time communing with traffic and trains, nary a chapel in sight. My wife says it’s the price we pay for living in the serenity of the suburbs. Some days it felt like I’d simply replaced one type of solitude for another.

But I used the time religiously. I read, reflected and occasionally prayed. For some, this might mean lots of time with nothing to do. From the way I looked at it, life is not only about doing, it’s also about “being.” My friend Cato of Roman antiquity, who probably spent long hours traversing the Via Apia, opined: “Never am I less alone then when I am by myself.” Sounds to me like the mantra of a true commuter.

My travels to work provided solitude, with copious quiet and empty spaces. Even though idleness is the Devil’s workshop, I experienced this daily downtime to be sacred moments for inspiration, insight and some wholesome playfulness. I also liked to use the time alone to do some curious reading, asking some curious questions.

An Ancient Tradition

While in one of these moods, I was reading an article in a New-Age magazine on “Alchemy” - that ancient science of turning dross into gold, of which I know little. Seemed there was a lot more to it than the little I knew: there was a whole spirituality behind the movement. The article talked about how alchemists believed that the Divine resided in each element. They also held that all things had the potential to be sacredly “transformed.” Turning base metals into precious stone was only a small part of a much larger movement.

What particularly caught my eye was that one of the ancient saints of the Church, St. Albert, was faulted for remaining disobedient to the church’s thinking at the time, and maintained an active involvement in Alchemy. The pious guy almost got burned at the stake as a heretic for disobeying. But apparently with a little street smarts and ecclesial good luck, he outmaneuvered the hierarchy and missed a public flaying.

Despite all the bad press for disobeying the powers that be, after he died he was exonerated and canonized as a saint. I believe the Supreme Court eventually did something similar with Arthur Andersen in clearing them of their obstruction of justice conviction. But similar to Albert, the accounting firm was already dead when this felicitous decision was reached. However, I understand that the government’s Prosecutors stand ready to endorse a proposal recommending that Andersen be collectively remembered as a “saintly” Accounting firm.

In the flawed history of the church, not all were as lucky as St. Albert. Some hapless disobeying souls mistakenly got put to death on the spot and had to wait a while to get their good names cleared. The Catholic Church is funny this way: the heretics of one era become the saints of the next. They’re the same people, just eventually judged by a more enlightened criterion. You occasionally get to see this played out in the corporate world too, although I personally feel more than a few of our present business leaders should be tarred and feathered. But maybe I’m misguided by anger and will need to wait for the full evidence to surface. It’s probably safe to say that mistakes get made, and corrected, in all areas of business as well.

As a policy, the Papal rulers had no problem acknowledging the initial error of their ways, correcting the mistake and communicating it to the faithful. Unfortunately, it could take a thousand years. Most of the faithful didn’t seem to mind, except if it happened to be your own precious hide that initially got roasted at the stake. You could understand how the unfortunate victim might take it all a bit too personally.

With all these hapless mistakes, it was not uncommon for the faithful to grow weary of waiting on the sideline for the church leaders to get their ecclesial act together. In misdiagnosing holy people as sinners, the religious citizenry had even been known to expedite matters by proclaiming “saints” on their own. If they felt the church had “dis-ed” a truly pious man by mistakenly burning him at the stake, they wanted quick redress by declaring his sanctity on the spot.

Usually the Pope resisted, preferring some ecclesiastical homework be done to ensure the veracity of the crowd’s demand. More often than not, the people revolted, rallied and screamed. They wanted a remedy immediately, sort of like the Enron shareholders when their stock tanked.

After a few Cardinals almost got killed trying to delay the process, the religious leaders did the expedient thing and proclaimed the hapless victim to be a saint. In ancient times, hierarchical mistakes were so routinely fixed this way that the church even developed a doctrine on it. It’s referred to as “Vox Populi - Vox Dei”, the voice of the people represents the voice of God.

Catholics have a long tradition of believing that the Divine spirit works directly through the voice of the community: truth resides not only with those in power, but also with the people. This practice was something that the clergy didn’t always take kindly to. Hence there was the need for the faithful to periodically stage an uprising and deliver a good thrashing to the neglecting Cardinal at hand.

I believe this ancient tradition was once again demonstrated anew here in America. A few years back, up in Massachusetts with Cardinal Law’s handling of the pedophile scandal, there was a Boston Tea Party of the religious kind - with the reigning monarch getting thrown overboard. From what I heard, it even came painfully close to him getting publicly burned at the stake. Seems that it wouldn’t have been the first time that Catholics have revolted in fiery rage against their miscreant clergy. All in all, it’s kind of encouraging to see that the process is still alive, though the Cardinal might disagree with me on this.

Misguided Obedience

Choosing to publicly disobey any reigning hierarchical institution always poses its own unique dangers. This is as true today as it was for Galileo Galilie.

In the course of business, doing what you’re told and complying with the boss’ every request may be good career advice, but it creates a precarious corporate culture and hurts the overall business.

There’s a need to maintain a dynamic tension within our large hierarchical organizations, both sacred and secular alike. Yes, there’s the natural desire to conform, comply and cooperate. Parents encourage it; so do teachers. Bosses make a business of it. Yet, these human systems are inherently flawed and if left to themselves have great potential for abuse and evil. Part of our responsibility in living and working in these large communities is that we offer our critique, reason, and on occasion our resistance.

When I was in the monastery, one of our guiding principles was something called “Holy Disobedience.” Even though I had taken the vow of obedience to adhere to the commands of my religious superiors, it was understood that if an order was wrong-minded we had a moral obligation to not only question it, but even disobey it. In its infinite wisdom, the church understood that even though God was infallible, man was not.

We offer our resistance, criticism and dissent to our modern day institutions not as mean-spirited individuals, but as noble people committed to the hallowed principles of our organizations. We hold them accountable for living up to the ideals planted firmly in their original foundation.

But it has its risks. Start questioning some of your church’s less-than-stellar behavior and you might quickly find yourself branded as a heretic and excommunicated. Begin challenging the way local politics gets played out and you might find yourself thrown out of office. Bring to the attention of senior management the company’s contribution to environmental pollution or financial mismanagement and you might find yourself on a career detour … or worse still, off the “High Potential” list.

As our reigning sacred and secular hierarchical institutions continue to grow in power and influence, like the Alchemist of old, we’re well served to recall that the Divine also resides within each one of us. And that all things have the potential to be sacredly “transformed”, even our major institutions. In fact, we have some responsibility to helping the transformation take place.

Doing what you’re told is not always good. Breaking the rules is not always bad. There is something sacred about differing with those in authority when the reason is right. There are higher guiding principles than financial success, political re-election and corporate expansion. When in our heart we know something’s wrong, we cannot collude. Even though our personal aspirations may get temporarily burned at the stake, we must speak up.

And it will justbe a matter of time before the collective community rises up to our support. Vox Populi – Vox Dei. The Divine spirit continues to work through the voice of thecommunity. Hold fast! Perhaps sainthood– and maybe even a promotion - is not far behind.

Besides, rules are largely overrated.

P.S. If you’re thinking about writing me, give in to the temptation. I love getting mail ... and being influenced by what you have to say. Please e-mail me atkennythemonk@yahoo.com.

Kenny Moore is co-author of The CEO and the Monk: One Company’s Journey to Profit and Purpose (John Wiley and Sons), rated as one of the top ten best selling business books on Amazon.com.

Prior to coming to corporate life, Moore spent 15 years in a monastic community as a Catholic priest. Oddly enough, both jobs have proven to be quite similar - except the Incentive Plans vary greatly. Kenny left the monastery because he wanted to get married. Now that he’s married and has two teenagers, he would like to go back.

The media once asked Pope John XXIII how many people worked at the Vatican. “About half of them…” he said. Moore has discovered that there are common operating principles in effect whenever you’re dealing with large hierarchical institutions, sacred or secular.

Several years ago, Moore had the good fortune of being diagnosed with “incurable” cancer, at its most advanced stages. He underwent a year of experimental treatment at the National Cancer Institute and survived. He recently had a heart attack and was invited to be sawed in half and given a quadruple bypass: a subtle reminded that his time is running short.

Kenny came away from both experiences recalling the words of Oliver Wendell Holmes: “Most of us go to our graves with our music still inside us.” Moore’s lifetime goal is to spend more of his time playing his music.

Having dealt with both God and death, he now finds himself eminently qualified to work with senior management on corporate change efforts.

Kenny is a watercolor artist, poet and photographer. He is Founding Director of Art for the Anawim, a not-for-profit charity which works with the art community in supporting the needs of terminally ill children. His poems have been published in several anthologies; one was selected as a semi-finalist in the North American Open Poetry Contest.

Moore lives in Northern New Jersey and is married to the "fair and beautiful" Cynthia. Together, they are fighting a losing battle of maintaining their mental stability while raising 2 teenage boys.

Kenny has recently expanded his work to include Stand-up Comedy. This is driven largely by the sneaking suspicion that when the Divine returns, She will find a more receptive audience in bars and comedy clubs than in our Houses of Worship.

Moore is President of Kenny Moore Consulting, LLC. He’s a well-regarded Keynote speaker, executive coach and business consultant for Leadership Development, Change Management and Employee Engagement. He can be reached at kennythemonk@yahoo.com or (973) 956-8210.

09/20/2009

When I lived in the monastery as a Catholic priest, 20% of my superiors thought they were Divinely inspired. Now that I’m working in business, the number’s up to 80%. When I held my corporate job, I was one of the few who had a core competency for dealing with executives who believe themselves to be infallible. My CEO even recognized this skill and had me reporting directly to him to assist in changing the company’s culture.

Oddly enough, my years in the Church gave me some decent skills for succeeding in the corporate world. I often feel that the jobs have proven to be quite similar, except the pay is now a lot better. Much of my work continues to remain priestly: building community, repairing trust, offering hope and trying to heal an inherently flawed human system.

Morale continues to remain dismal in most companies and employee surveys reveal three disturbing trends: nobody trusts, workers don’t believe senior management and employees are too stressed out to care. Problems with trust, belief and caring. When I lived behind the cloistered walls, we referred to these dynamics as a crisis of Faith, Hope and Charity. As the Recession continues to take its toll, the business world is facing a spiritual problem as much as a fiscal one. Napoleon once said that leaders are dealers in hope. That sounds like a sacred quality to me. So, maybe it’s not all that surprising that the job of today’s executive is as much spiritual as it is managerial.

Commitment vs. Compliance

Even though prayer cards now outnumber Dilbert cartoons in employees’ cubicles, talking about what is holy in the workplace leaves most corporate managers somewhat in a quandary. How do engineers and accountants become both astute business leaders as well as proficient spiritual guides? Addressing this predicament is a bit trickier than streamlining business processes or outsourcing operations overseas. Engaging the heart and soul of employees to gain business success is no easy task. While throwing money and corporate perks at workers garnishes their compliance, it does little to guarantee their commitment. And as we’re increasingly coming to discover: if you don’t get commitment from employees, the business falters.

Commitment is not something that can be coerced or conscribed, it can only be invited. It comes as much from the heart as from the head. Employees won’t bestow it if they mistrust their leaders. Monks seem to understand what’s required for soliciting people’s commitment; many business leaders don’t. It’s probably because much of their education was spent on measuring, managing and marketing. Not inviting. Courses in business school seldom explore the sacred component of leadership’s responsibility. I wonder if that's partly responsible for the high turnover in the executive suite? Today’s corporate leaders may have lost their godly compass, and consequently the loyalty of their workers. Some form of Divine Retribution may be underway for those residing in the corner offices.

The good news is that there’s a host of employees out there yearning to throw their commitment behind a leader who is making even small progress in mastering the art of invitation. The ancient Greeks used to say that in the land of the blind, the Cyclops rule. It is such a rare business skill that it seems leaders don’t even need to do it well. Merely making the effort to abandon coercion in favor of invitation appears sufficient. Employees seem to be instinctively drawn to officers who are giving it a try. To separate the authentic leaders from those approaching it as just another management fad, discriminating workers are applying the same criteria as Supreme Court Judge Potter Stewart used in identifying pornography: I know it when I see it. Like plants drawn to light, workers are inherently attracted to leaders who are sincerely implementing this refreshing skill. These executives represent a type of heliotropic leadership in the rugged jungle of business life. They radiate a hallowed luminescence that employees gravitate towards and are nurtured by. With this type of leadership, corporate toxicity is kept to a minimum and a form of workplace photosynthesis takes place.

Work: A Sacred Endeavor

Thomas Aquinas, the medieval monk and scholar, once said: “Without work, it is impossible to have fun.” Urging employees to contribute their God-given talents in the workplace is liberating for the worker and an enhancement to the business. It also injects a needed flair of enjoyment into the workplace. A small but growing number of executives are learning to engage the spiritual side of business. It entails recognizing the inherent sacral qualities that employees bring to work and making demonstrated efforts to use them to satisfy customers. Spirituality at work isn’t about hosting prayer groups or Bible study sessions. I don’t think the business world is ready for that, and I’m not sure it should be. The separation of church and state continues to be a viable model in such a diverse world. Championing religious practices in the office sounds to me like the makings of another Holy War. Alas, in a global economy, it’s not even clear whose version of God we’d need to direct our prayers to. I believe that the Divine is more interested in having us acknowledge our talents and use them for the betterment of others as well as ourselves. There’s something inherently holy about embarking upon that effort.

I’ve spent numerous years working in large hierarchical institutions, twenty of them corporate and fifteen religious. Whenever you’re dealing with large numbers of people joined together around a singular effort, many of the operating principles seem to feel oddly similar. The media once asked Pope John XXIII how many people worked at the Vatican. “About half of them,” was his reply. It is amusing how the challenges confronting leaders, religious and secular alike, have some universal qualities. The journalist Eric Sevareid once said that he was a pessimist about tomorrow but an optimist about the day after tomorrow. I’ve come to feel the same way about business. I don’t expect corporate malfeasance to end anytime in the near future. The workplace is a mirror of life. Like it or not, evil is part of the human condition and will always be with us. Besides, if immorality were to suddenly come to an abrupt halt, much of life’s drama would be lost and organized religion would be out of a job. And as Wall Street keeps reminding us: losing jobs is never good for the economy.

The Divine’s invitation to us is to get in there and be a player as the ancient drama of good and evil unfolds. Using our hands, heads and hearts in service of something beyond myopic self-interest is what’s required. Business has tremendous potential to be a force for good in the world. While it hasn’t always lived up to this challenge, the opportunity remains ever present. We who labor there have direct influence on the outcome, and our impact has the potential to be significant.

Working on the Impossible

Some might balk at the impossibility of effectively nurturing the spiritual within the confines of the commercial. And for these people I have a compassionate understanding of this challenge. However, one of the things I learned in the monastery was just because something is impossible, that doesn’t mean you don’t need to work on it. Why else would I have been required to take the vow of chastity for so many years? Some of what we are required to work on will not be accomplished in our lifetimes. That’s what vision, brilliance and legacy is about. To those needing encouragement, I give you the words of Father Theodore, my revered monastic confessor: if you think you’re too small to be effective, then you’ve never been in bed with a mosquito. We all can have an impact, even if it’s a small one. The poet Theodore Roethke said it well: “What we need are more people who specialize in the impossible.” The challenges are formidable, yet the need is great. Life invites us daily to take the risk and act on making the impossible happen. It’s at the heart of what makes showing up for work so exciting.

Spirituality, both within and outside the workplace, will only increase as we move further into this century. There’s a vast horde of aging baby-boomers growing older by the day and being uncomfortably confronted with their own mortality. The monks used to say that religion is the aphrodisiac of the elderly. I expect that the boomers will want to die as well as they’ve lived, and they’ll be looking for some Divine assistance to make it all work out successfully.

Who knows, spirituality in the workplace might do for the economy what Viagra did for the male libido? But I don’t think Bob Dole will be its spokesman. As a former monk who’s learned some sharp business skills, I’d look elsewhere for endorsements. Perhaps I’d start with the Dalai Lama.

P.S. If you’re thinking about writing me, give in to the temptation. I love getting mail ... and being influenced by what you have to say. Please e-mail me at kennythemonk@yahoo.com.

Kenny Moore is co-author of The CEO and the Monk: One Company’s Journey to Profit and Purpose (John Wiley and Sons), rated as one of the top ten best selling business books on Amazon.com.

Prior to coming to corporate life, Moore spent 15 years in a monastic community as a Catholic priest. Oddly enough, both jobs have proven to be quite similar - except the Incentive Plans vary greatly. Kenny left the monastery because he wanted to get married. Now that he’s married and has two teenagers, he would like to go back.

The media once asked Pope John XXIII how many people worked at the Vatican. “About half of them…” he said. Moore has discovered that there are common operating principles in effect whenever you’re dealing with large hierarchical institutions, sacred or secular.

Several years ago, Moore had the good fortune of being diagnosed with “incurable” cancer, at its most advanced stages. He underwent a year of experimental treatment at the National Cancer Institute and survived. He recently had a heart attack and was invited to be sawed in half and given a quadruple bypass: a subtle reminded that his time is running short.

Kenny came away from both experiences recalling the words of Oliver Wendell Holmes: “Most of us go to our graves with our music still inside us.” Moore’s lifetime goal is to spend more of his time playing his music.

Having dealt with both God and death, he now finds himself eminently qualified to work with senior management on corporate change efforts.

Kenny is a watercolor artist, poet and photographer. He is Founding Director of Art for the Anawim, a not-for-profit charity which works with the art community in supporting the needs of terminally ill children. His poems have been published in several anthologies; one was selected as a semi-finalist in the North American Open Poetry Contest.

Kenny lives in Northern New Jersey and is married to the "fair and beautiful" Cynthia. Together, they are fighting a losing battle of maintaining their mental stability while raising 2 teenage boys.

Kenny has recently expanded his work to include Stand-up Comedy. This is driven largely by the sneaking suspicion that when the Divine returns, She will find a more receptive audience in bars and comedy clubs than in our Houses of Worship.

Moore is President of Kenny Moore Consulting, LLC. He’s a well-regarded Keynote speaker, executive coach and business consultant for Leadership Development, Change Management and Employee Engagement. He can be reached at kennythemonk@yahoo.com or (973) 956-8210.

07/02/2009

"When you come to the edge of all the light you know and are about to step off into the darkness of the unknow, faith is knowing one of two things will happen: there will be something solid to stand on, or you will be taught how to fly."

(Barbara J. Winter)

“If change is to come, it will come from the margins... It was the desert, not the temple, that gave the prophets.”

(Wendell Berry)

“Adversity has the same effect on a man that severe training has on the pugilist: it reduces him to his fighting weight.”

(James Billings)

“Do not wait for leaders – do it alone, person to person.”

(Mother Teresa)

“I am not retreating. I am advancing in a different direction.”

(Gen. Douglas MacArthur)

“In the beginning, God created man in his own image, and ever since, man has been returning the compliment.”

(Voltaire)

“Life in Lubbock,Texas, taught me two things: One is that God loves you but you’re going to burn in Hell. The other is that sex is the most awful, filthy thing on earth and you should save it for someone you love.”

(Butch Hancock)

"The absolute yearning of one human body for another particular one and its indifference to substitutes is one of life's major mysteries."

(Iris Murdoch)

"Personally, I know nothing about sex because I have always been married."

(Zsa Zsa Gabor)

“More than anytime in history mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness, the other to total extinction.

Let us pray that we have the wisdom to choose correctly.”

(Woody Allen)

“I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, ‘Got any shoes you’re not using?’”

(Steven Wright)

“I used to be an Atheist, but I gave it up: there were no Holidays.”

(Henny Youngman)

Joan of Arc: I hear voices telling me what to do. They come from God.

Robert: They come from your imagination.

Joan of Arc: Of course. That is how the messages of God come to us.

(George Bernard Shaw’s “Saint Joan”)

“The people you have to lie to, own you. The things you have to lie about, own you. When your children see you owned, then they are not your children anymore, they are the children of what owns you. If money owns you, they are the children of money. If your need for pretense and illusion owns you, they are the children of pretense and illusion. If your fear of loneliness owns you, they are the children of loneliness. If your fear of the truth owns you, they are the children of the fear of truth.”

(Michael Ventura)

"My lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I can not know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so.

But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it.

Therefore I will trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you will never leave me to face my perils alone."

(Thomas Merton, Trappist monk)

"If the only prayer you ever say in your entire life is 'thank you', it will be enough."

(Meister Eckhart, mystic)

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate; our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us, it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fears, our presence automatically liberate others.”

(Marianne Williamson “A Return to Love")

“I don’t like people who have never fallen or stumbled. Their virtue is lifeless and it isn’t of much value. Life hasn’t revealed its beauty to them.”

(Boris Pasternak)

"I have never been anywhere but sick. In a sense sickness is a place more instructive than a long trip to Europe, and it’s always a place where there’s no company, where nobody can follow.... Sickness before death is a very appropriate thing and I think those who don't have it miss one of God's mercies."

(Flannery O’Connor)“Jesus’ life didn’t go well. He didn’t reach his earning potential. He didn’t have the respect of his colleagues. His friends weren’t loyal. His life wasn’t long. He didn’t meet his soul-mate. And he wasn’t understood by his mother.

Yet I think I deserve all those things because I’m so spiritual."

(Hugh Prather, “Spiritual Notes to Myself”)

“I asked God to take away my bad habit.

God said, No.

It is not for me to take away,

but for you to give up.

I asked God to make my handicapped child whole.

God said, No.

Her spirit is whole, her body is only temporary.

I asked God to grant me patience.

God said, No.

Patience is a byproduct of tribulations;

it isn't granted, it is learned.

I asked God to give me happiness.

God said, No.

I give you blessings;

Happiness is up to you.

I asked God to spare me pain.

God said, No.

Suffering draws you apart from worldly cares

and brings you closer to me.

I asked God to make my spirit grow.

God said, No.

You must grow on your own,

but I will prune you to make you fruitful.

I asked God for all things that I might enjoy life.

God said, No.

I will give you life,

so that you may enjoy all things.

I asked God to help me LOVE others,

as much as God loves me.

God said...Ahhhh,

finally you have the idea.”

(Unknown Source)

"When the great Rabbi Israel Baal Shem-Tov saw misfortune threatening the Jews it was his custom to go into a certain part of the forest to meditate. There he would light a fire, say a special prayer, and the miracle would be accomplished and the misfortune averted. Later, when his disciple, the celebrated Magid of Mezritch, had occasion, for the same reason, to intercede with heaven, he would go to the same place in the forest and say: 'Master of the Universe, listen! I do not know how to light the fire, but I am still able to say the prayer,' and again the miracle would be accomplished. Still later, Rabbi Moshe-Leib of Sasov, in order to save his people once more, would go into the forest and say: 'I do not know how to light the fire, I do not know the prayer, but I know the place and this must be sufficient.' It was sufficient and the miracle was accomplished. Then it fell to Rabbi Israel of Rizhyn to overcome misfortune. Sitting in his armchair, his head in his hands, he spoke to God: 'I am unable to light the fire and I do not know the prayer; I cannot even find the place in the forest. All I can do is to tell the story, and this must be sufficient.' And it was sufficient.

God made man because he loves stories."

(Elie Wiesel, "The Gates of the Forest")

“The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other's life. Rarely do members of one family grow up under the same roof.”

(Richard Bach)

"The moment that one definitely commits one's self, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would otherwise never have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one's favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man or woman could have dreamt would have come his way."

(Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe)

"When we honestly ask ourselves which people in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing, and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares."

(Henri Nouwen, "The Wounded Healer")

"Poetry is being, not doing

If you would follow,

Even at a distance,

The poet's calling,

You've got to come out of the

Measurable doing universe

Into the immeasurable house of being.

Nobody can be alive for you.

Nor can you be alive for anyone else.

If you can take it, take it and be,

If you can't, cheer up and go about

Other people's business, and do and undo

Until you drop."

(e.e. cummings)

"You can't conceive, no one could, the appaling strangeness of the mercy of God."

(Graham Greene)

"There is something that happens between men and women in the dark that seems to make everything else unimportant."

01/06/2008

It’s time to stop believing all the hype. As adults, we well understand that it’s never been a question of balance. It’s always been a question of choice. As the Spanish proverb reminds us: “Take what you want, says God, just pay for it.”

Living with the Consequences

Sharon Edelstein has a young daughter named Rebecca. Sharon came home from work one day and found her jumping on the bed and told her to stop - she was going to get hurt. “I won’t get hurt” Rebecca said, and continued bouncing. Her mother repeated the warning and added that she might also break the bed. “No, I won’t,” Rebecca insisted. Her mother gave up. “Fine,” she said. “Do what you want. You’ll just have to live with the consequences.” Rebecca immediately stopped bouncing. “I don’t want to go and live with them, Mommy,” she said. “I don’t even know who the Consequences are.”

As the ancient seers stated so well, we don’t get to do everything in a single lifetime. We merely get to make choices. Not all choices. Only some. And we pay a price for the one’s we choose. Sort of like being at a buffet luncheon without your cardiologist. You can eat anything that’s available; you have only to deal with the aftereffects.

Growing old gracefully provides more than ample opportunity to get clear about what we consider important and then make our decisions accordingly. In this journey called life, we’re all free to do whatever we want. And like Rebecca, we need only live with the consequences.

But don’t expect to get balance. What we’ll get is stress: that dynamic tension of trying to creatively live out our lives in a less-than-perfect world. And we’re required to do it all as frail, flawed and frightened mortals.

Want a high-flying business career? Go for it.

Might you desire to get married, raise a family and live in conjugal bliss? Good for you.

Maybe you’d prefer to use your artistic talents and create a world of new possibilities? God bless.

Perhaps you’d want to be independent and care free? I’m envious.

But if you expect to have it all, get ready to play center stage in your own exciting Greek Tragedy.

Finding Help in Unusual Places

I’ve got a wife who works full time and two teen age boys who are experts at disrupting the status quo. I spend most of my days behind a desk in a corporate job. I haven’t yet found any balance. Mostly, I’ve found chaos. But alas, on a good day, some insight.

I no longer look to Jack Welch or Oprah Winfrey to give much help in discerning life’s mystery. Rather, I look to the poets. Freud got a few things right and he was certainly on to something when he said: “Everywhere I go, I find a poet has been there before me.”

Making choices and living out the inherent tension it creates requires a focus on “being” rather than “doing.” The ability to be silent, ponder the deeper possibilities and creatively craft a life-response are aspects of maturity more closely akin to the work of a Poet than a CEO.

Fostering this poetic outlook requires a personal discipline that may not be to everyone’s liking. For those not yet ready to embrace it but prefer an addiction to cell phones, e-mails and non-stop meetings, e. e. cummings offers some practical words of advice:

Poetry is being, not doing

If you would follow,

Even at a distance,

The poet’s calling,

You’ve got to come out of the

Measurable doing universe

Into the immeasurable house of being.

Nobody can be alive for you.

Nor can you be alive for anyone else.

If you can take it, take it and be,

If you can’t, cheer up and go about

Other people’s business, and do and undo

Until you drop.

Wasting Time: a Portal to the Divine

There’s been a spate of books about Atheism surfacing of late on the New York Time’s Best Seller list, but I don’t think it’s gaining broad acceptance. For most people, it’s not a practical choice. It seems Henny Youngman’s experience continues to hold sway: “I thought about becoming an atheist, but I gave it up. There were no Holidays.”

The real threat for modern folks is not a lack of belief. It’s a lack of time. We’re so busy being productive and trying to get balance in our lives that we’re in danger of missing the Divine when He shows up.

Being busy may work wonders for our Professional life, but it wreaks havoc on our Interior one.

If we want to find some semblance of sanity and advance in our Spiritual Journey, we may need to slow down, risk being less productive and indulge in the ancient rite of “Wasting Time.”

In my earlier days, I spent 15 years in a monastic community as a Catholic priest. I remember once reading about “The Good Samaritan Experiment” with 40 seminarians at Princeton Theological Seminary. After waxing eloquently about their dedication to God and all His people, they were asked to deliver a sermon on the parable of The Good Samaritan. For those lacking the rigors of monastic studies, it’s the story told by Jesus about a man who was set upon by robbers, beaten and left on the side of the road. A priest walks by and offers no help. Neither does a Levite, another religious leader of the era. It’s a lone man from Samaria, hated by the local gentry, who goes out of his way to offer assistance - hence the title: Good Samaritan.

In the Princeton experiment, when the seminarians had their homily prepared, they were asked to walk to another part of the campus and deliver their sermon to waiting students. Half were told to hurry, because they were running late. The others were informed there was no rush, they had plenty of time.

As they journeyed across campus, the experimenters arranged to have an actor slumped as a “victim” strategically positioned along their route so that the seminarians were forced to step over or around the man.

So, who stopped to help … and who didn’t? They were all budding “men of the cloth” on their way to deliver a sermon on just such a situation.

What the experiment revealed was that those who were in a hurry passed the “victim” by. Those with time to spare, stopped and helped. It seems altruism and our commitment to our fellow man is less connected to our religious beliefs and more closely aligned with having some free time.

When the Divine shows up, most of us are busy being too productive to even notice His presence. Maybe God doesn’t care whether we go to church, temple or mosque. Maybe He’s already out in the world waiting to meet us, but we keep passing Him by because we’re in such a hurry.

Paying a Price for Living our Lives

Since leaving the monastery, I’d had two near-death experiences. The first was with “incurable” cancer. The second, a heart attack. Both were not-so-subtle reminders that my time’s running short.

We’re not going to be around forever, and we’re not able to have it all. Acknowledging this will generate more than ample disappointment and regret. And we’ll pay a price for it: Guilt.

But don’t be dismayed. Guilt doesn’t necessarily mean that we’ve done something wrong. It’s more an indication that we have said “no” to some larger authority: parent, teacher, boss. Guilt’s an indication that we’ve chosen to live our own lives and not someone else’s.

Stop trying to achieve balance and start learning to enjoy chaos. Discovering and relishing one’s imperfect life sooner rather than later is what’s available.

Oliver Wendell Holmes said that most of us go to our graves with our music still inside. So, forget about work-life balance and let go of the need to please everybody. Rather, get out there and make some choices and let your music resonate.

The guilt won’t kill you and you’ll do just fine if some folks don’t like you.

And you certainly don’t need to have it all. For as Steven Wright reminds us: even if you did, where would you put it?

P.S. If you’re thinking about writing me, give in to the temptation. I love getting mail ... and being influenced by what you have to say. Please e-mail me at kennythemonk@yahoo.com.