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Desperate, please help

Hello ladies I will try to make this short. I am nursing my 23 month old and have been feeling the past few months I want to be done. She has other plans. We have always nursed on demand since birth and I have never put any limits on nursing or ever refused her, which is I think most of my problem.

She nurses ALOT still. Probably 10 times during the day and at least 3 times over night, usually more. We bed share. She has never fallen asleep without nursing to sleep. She has no nursing manners. She twiddles my other nipple constantly and will scream bloody murder if I try to--gently--redirect her to a toy or holding/kissing her hand. Although she is nearly 2 she is a little behind on development and doesn't really talk much at all. I don't think she understands when I tell her "we can't nurse right now" or "I'll nurse you in a few minutes" she just throws a tantrum until I give in.

Now let me say, I work 3 days per week and I work 14 hr shifts. When I'm gone she's with my husband and obviously doesn't nurse then, I don't pump anymore so she goes all day (5:45am-7:45pm) without nursing or breastmilk. So I know she can do it. I guess it's out of sight out of mind kinda thing. Anyway, I'm getting a little worn out and her nursing constantly and poor nursing behavior and me having not slept through the night once since she's been born is really taking it's toll on me.

Now let's complicate things--I just found out I'm pregnant. I have absolutely no desire to tandem nurse. I think it's great that people do, it's just not for me. I am desperate to wean her before the new baby comes. I know if she continues to nurse through my pregnancy, that she will resent the new baby needing to nurse constantly and won't understand that the new baby's nursing comes before hers. I mean she nurses almost as much as a newborn does still! I'm afraid I won't be able to get her to wean by the time I give birth.

I've been trying recently to cut back on nursing her esp. during the day, destracting her with other things or just gently explaining we can't nurse right now and she just absolutely loses it. I can't take it so I just give in. I seroiusly need help ladies. I don't know what to do with this child. :-(

I've been thinking about putting her in her own room / bed but I wonder if that would just make things worse. My midwife suggested me sleeping in another room for a few nights and have daddy do bedtime but like I said she has never once fallen asleep without nursing so I don't know about that. I want to do this gently but I don't know if that's gonna cut it. I would hate for this to be a traumatic experience for her. :-( Please help!!

Re: Desperate, please help

I actually think that having dad handle bedtime might be a good idea. Instead of her moving out to her own room, you could try having her stay in the grown- up bed, and you go sleep somewhere else for a few nights, maybe even a few weeks. As long as it takes to break that "I nurse at night" habit.

Re: Desperate, please help

I used the Jay Gordon nightweaning method when I was pregnant and it worked really well for me. I didn't follow his time frame, it took us about a month and a half, but it was successful. Once she was night weaned I planned to continue nursing in the day, but started using tricks to decrease sessions- distractions with trips to the playground or other snacks, not sitting in our usual nursing spots, things like that. She ended up weaning kind of on her own, which was okay with me. I was about 20 weeks along by that time and pretty sure my milk supply was completely gone.

“We are not put on earth for ourselves, but are placed here for each other. If you are there always for others, then in time of need, someone will be there for you.”
--Anonymous

Re: Desperate, please help

The books How Weaning Happens and The Nursing Mothers Guide To Weaning contain many tried and true weaning encouragement ideas. You could get both or either.

If you like to read, you may want to read adventures in tandem nursing. It is very even handed, addresses many situations and various mother's choices and is not just a long advertisement for tandem nursing, I promise! It has info on nursing when pregnant and weaning while pregnant.

Some children wean on their own when mom’s milk production inevitably drops during pregnancy. And even so, sometimes they want to nurse again once baby comes. In other words, weaning does not always 'take.' So strategies for handling that scenario may be helpful to you as well.

I wonder how old your child will be when baby is born? How your child nurses now does not necc. have any bearing on how your child will nurse 6 months from now.

Just to forewarn you -your daughter will almost certainly resent new baby and new baby's demands on your time whether she is still nursing or not. Just get used to the idea, every one of us with multiple children went though this as parents, and anyone who has siblings went through this ourselves as children! She (and you) will be fine.

Re: Desperate, please help

I think you might be pleasantly surprised at having your husband do night time settling. My DS is also 23mo and nurses like a newborn. His sleep association is nursing, period.

Two weeks ago I was making tea downstairs as the boys listened to some uptempo music, with DS bouncing on DH's knee while resting his head on DH's chest. Within 5 minutes, he was asleep and, for the first time ever in his life, it was without me. It was bittersweet. A little sad that he was growing up so quickly, yet psychologically liberating to know that while he needed me, he had formed a strong enough bond with DH that he could gently and happily fall asleep without nursing.

Re: Desperate, please help

For my son Daddy putting him to bed didn't work because he missed and wanted me. I believe he was around your LO age and the nightime feedings were getting to me so I slept with him in a different bed so my husband didn't miss out on sleep. He cried but I was right there to soothe him. It took a couple of nights but we got into a rhythm that he could nurse out on the couch a little before bedtime but once we went to be he needed to go to sleep on his own pillow. He was right next to me and I would nurse if he needed it during the night but it wasn't that frequent. Once we got this sorted out I was happy to keep nursing during the day but I did read how weaning happens and did the don't offer don't refuse approach but I wasn't pregnant. Good Luck I am sure you will find the perfect solution for your family.

Did this for 9months with Kailey and Hailey
who are now 8.

weaned Dane somewhere around 3.5 no longer he likes to sleep with his sisters He's now 5