Record viewing figures for new series of ‘I’m a Filipino, get me out of here’

Across the country, millions of householders took to their armchairs last night to tune in and laugh once more at the misery of others. They watched as the latest mixed bunch of sad people were deprived of their usual creature comforts and forced to spend time huddled together in a dreadful, inhospitable place instead. An absolutely hilarious series of ‘I’m a Filipino, get me out of here’ is in prospect.

The accommodation in the ‘camp’ featured in the programme is extremely basic and uncomfortable. Most of the residents are open to the elements, at the mercy of the cold, wind and rain, while some others have very modest shelter which is actually of little practical benefit. Watching their behaviour under such conditions from the comfort of a cosy sofa is expected to generate excellent viewing figures.

There is little food available in the ‘camp’ and many are forced to eat unspeakable parts of unidentified animals. They are made to wait for ages for their meagre portions and then the entertainment really begins. How the viewing public laugh as they watch the victims chew endlessly on something disgusting.

Occasionally, additional food is provided but only on condition that the starving undergo a series of torturous ‘trials’ which test their resolve even more. There are remarkable feats of endurance and dedication in the increasingly desperate attempt to obtain something worth eating while TV presenters stroll about taking the piss. The TV audiences guffaw heartily as they watch the grisly proceedings with morbid fascination.

The programme is so much more than just prime-time, dumbed-down, crap TV. It is a detailed study into human nature and the psychology of those desperately seeking a return to some semblance of their previous way of life. ‘I’m a Filipino, get me out of here’ will surely be among the BAFTA nominations in due course.