In June, I attended my fourth BlogHer conference. But this one felt strange. The last six writing conferences I attended all had a similar feel — one in which I knew dozens of people and was comfortable just…being me. That’s when I thrive.

This time, I started the conference off with a bang. After 3 flights in less than a week, and a truly amazing Disney adventure, my back was acting up for the first time in months. I was in pain, which only exasperated my desire to hide.

I know what you’re thinking. Chrissy? Hiding?

So, I’m an introverted extrovert. If you know me, you couldn’t possibly see me as shy. But if you don’t, you might think I’m the quiet one. Adding to that, I spent much of this year suffering from mild depression and anxiety, and now, I’ve got a recipe for disaster.

And so at BlogHer, only knowing a few of the several thousand people and trying to fight through pain, anxiety, and depression, I found myself hiding. Skipping sessions to nap in my room. Barely taking any photos throughout the events. Wandering the exhibitor hall by myself instead of sitting through full keynotes from really interesting speakers. Opting out of late night partying with new friends, and instead, I found myself floating down the lazy river with my roomie, Renee.

It was still fun, but it was a different kind of fun than one should have at a writing conference full of like-minded people. I found myself asking why I was even there.

On Friday night, I took a Valium for my back pain and crashed early.

On Saturday morning, Renee left, and my dear friend, Samara, was doing her own thing…so I wandered the expo for a while. I was interviewed for a Forbes podcast, and the guy looked at me — sporting a normal-ish blonde hairstyle and simple blue dress — with douche eyes and actually said, “Quirky Chrissy? You don’t look very quirky. Now, I saw this other girl who had rainbow hair and a unicorn horn. Now, THAT’S quirky.” Maybe it was the place my brain was hiding, but I wanted to simultaneously punch him and cry. But how do you defend your personality when someone mocks your chosen moniker?

I left the expo feeling down in the dumps.

The thing about being an extrovert who suffers from depression and anxiety is that you need people to help lift you out of the cycle, but you don’t want to be around people when you’re depressed or anxious.

By the time the closing party rolled around, I was ready to go home. But I told Samara I’d meet her down there. And I knew there would be snacks — I was starving, and I’ve yet to find a reason to say no to free food. So I decided I had one last chance to bust out my magic twinkle skirt.

And then I found some more of my people, and people recharge me the way the battery pack sewn into this skirt makes it light up. They bring me back to life (that’s the extroverted part of my brain). I met the unicorn girl, Elliotte, — who, by the way, is AMAZING — and she was kind and wonderful and inspiring…she gave me a pink unicorn horn and told me the podcast guy was full of crap.

Photo credit: BlogHer17/SheKnows Media

If I could have gone back in time and worn this fucking skirt the whole time I was in Orlando, I think I would have. Because there’s no better way to make 50 new friends than to wear a light up twinkle skirt.

It was my superhero transformation and for a few hours, I wasn’t depressed or anxious or homesick. It wasn’t a REAL fix, but it helped me end the weekend on a high note.

I started seeing writing friends at the conference, some of whom I knew were there and that I’d said hi to, but hadn’t made a point to actually hang out with, despite my desperate need for more human interaction. I was shy and nervous. I convinced myself they didn’t want to hang out with me. I was afraid. But once I put on my armor, that magic skirt, it was like I could hide my insecurities behind the sparkles and just illuminate the bright spots. It was a Band-Aid, but at the time, I really needed a quick patch up.

Eventually, I met up with Samara and she was ready to DANCE. And so I danced. And twirled. And shined brighter than I had throughout the whole conference. I felt glimmers of the me that I love to be, and I knew I had to get back there.

Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!

Last week, I gave you a basic recap of BlogHer; then I whined; and then I whined some more. But I like to leave things on a high note, so this week is all about the joys of BlogHer and the parties and the people and the sponsors. Because shit, you guys, I really did have a great time.

My first party was before the conference. A little “Welcome to Chicago” gathering of bloggy lady friends.

Bloggy lady friends that I knew NONE of.

I left work ridic early to get to this shindiggity at Water Tower Place (a mere couple of miles from the job). I got there and realized, that I knew no one…and was kind of…on my own.

I started completing some fashion missions, because missions and competitions are fun. And so is free shit! AND PRIZES.

They really did make my lashes lashier at Bare Minerals

Holy Crap. At Sephora, they’ll test out your face and e-mail you what make up matches your skin tone!

I ran into some ladies and we briefly exchanged names…and this girl recognized me (from Twitter, y’all…not that blog famous yet). She was SUPER nice, and then her group was on their merry way.

See, The Australian BeeGees

It was about time for The Australian BeeGees to perform and I thought I’d wander around aimlessly figuring out what I should do, while I worried that leaving work early was kind of silly…when out of the blue like grey clouds parting, Stacy Jill was all “hey! Come over here!” (She was the sweetie I had previously met). She noted my lost puppy look and adopted me. BOY! Was I glad she did!

From then on, I had a tribe. A tribe of ridiculously sweet lady blogger friends. For the rest of the week, I ran into Stacy EVERYWHERE…She’s the best. If you don’t know her, you should.

Milkshake from M Burger. YUM. BTW check out those lashy lashes.

We skipped the fashion show for snacks. We at ridiculous amounts of ice cream from M Burger. We raced around the mall looking for candy. We dined at Food Life. We drank wine. We laughed. We talked. We shared. Everyone gave me their gluten free snackies. (This is a trend. It’s kind of entertaining. All of my bloggy friends gave me gluten free snacks that they didn’t want.) It was exactly what I needed to ease my BlogHer anxiety. And from there I was excited. I was more than excited. I couldn’t wait!

Thanks so much to Water Tower Place, the shops, and of course, Chicagonistas MJ Tam and Beth Rosen for an AMAZING time.

By far, this was my favorite BlogHer party (official or unofficial).

Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!

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