This sounds a bit cliche’. Rehearsed. I tried to think of other fresh ways to say it, but this encapsulates my truest ideals as to where I am and how I arrived “here” in this place of knowing and comfort. Writing has been an almost full circle moment for me. I say almost because I know this circle of humanness and vulnerability. Of guileless courage. Of rawness and openness that’s ever evolving within me, both as a human and as a writer (warrior), is never ending.

. As I sit down to write, there exists a beautiful juxtaposition of the very human woman who hopes that her writing resonates with others, who worries it’s not enough; and the warrior writing soul who writes because she can’t stop. Her words bold. Unfiltered of reason or fear. This marriage is full of compromise and awe for the respective roles they play: knowing that one cannot exist without the other.

The warrior and the human. The louder than life voice and the gentle whisper in my heart. Somedays we need to scream. Others to speak softly. But most often we need a peaceful coexistence so as not to stir a kindred spirit.

At first, writing was benignly putting my feelings down on paper for no one but me. It was documenting the scattered, crazy first days and weeks of our son’s life. Then it became a letter to my son as we prepared to say goodbye to our brand new baby boy.

As the years went on it meant writing presentations on behalf of children with disabilities The warrior baby lived. Then again, it morphed into deeper feelings as I began to write short stories and poetry on diversity and love. Wanting both of our children to not just know, but to feel the difference between accepting diversity and celebrating it, as well. All, still, for just one purpose though. Never revealing too much of myself.

I leisurely played with fun writing jaunts and tucked them neatly away for a book one day, perhaps. I really didn’t know for sure. I only knew the release, the high I felt as I gave my fears, my thoughts and my joy over to the permanence of black and white. While for years it was only myself, the paper and my pen that sat in this elite circle.

What first took my (human) breath away has become my purest form of (warrior) oxygen.

The warrior and the human. One has broad strokes written with a steady hand the human won’t always attempt. The other’s hand is shaky, written with a depth of emotion the warrior can’t afford. Still they walk hand in hand. One walking closely behind the other, as if to receive strength or vulnerability through osmosis.

Writing is the involuntary spilling of my heart and soul onto paper.

Writing has meant turning muddy waters clear. Writing is the very water that’s shaped me gradually over the years without my knowing…as water will. “For in the end it is the water that shapes the stone.”

Sharing my first writing with someone felt as if I was walking around with my clothes on inside out. I didn’t know if I was ready for everyone to see all my seams and loose stitches, my size and care instructions. It felt surprisingly uncomfortable. It was far too revealing and awkward. Almost unnecessary in its details.

The joyful and painful moments in my life and all the dust particles they bring, mix together to settle within my soul the way dust particles tend to do. Filtering in and out, obliging me to sit with each one no matter how minuscule or fleeting. Allowing them to pass through me. And as necessary to adhere to my being, never to be swept away. As if they were crystalline particles reflecting energy back to me.

The joyful and the painful: conjoined with all the dashes in between, have led me to this curious place of openness. To a reverence for the process of writing. An altered recognition of all the pathways that have brought me to this juncture in my circle.

And so the human – in all its transparencies of skin and paper, and the warrior – in all its opaqueness of might and daring…continue on.

Forever open.

Forever inclusive.

Forever free.

Forever infinite.

“At the center of your being you have the answer; you know who you are and know what you want.” Lao Tzu

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About drapersmeadow4

I am a writer, life-long learner, and philosopher of all things, who also happens to be Irish, sarcastic and very intuitive. I'm an 'every-aged' woman who never plans on growing up, just evolving as I go. My debut memoir is due out fall of 2019.

This was so well thought out and explains yourself, Karen. In the dichotomy of two souls living within one body: I think they are well balanced and calm, on one hand then the other side is a great and fierce heroine for us all to emulate and hope to become! Smiles, Robin

Thank you my dear, Robin! Yes, where would we be without our warrior and human selves? As with all of my writing, I don’t plan it out. I usually have a title or sentence that pops into my lil writer’s brain and go from there not really knowing where “they” (the warrior or the human) will take me. Here’s to braveness and vulnerability for us all. hugs ~Karen~

I try my best to visit everyone’s blogs, Karen. At times I just have to take time for me, because I am on my puter for more hours then most know. I’m glad I am following you too. I love the way you think. Love, Amy

I cannot begin to describe what I felt as I read your words. You articulate your feelings, describing your human and warrior side and your search for why you write with such eloquence Karen. This is truly magnificent writing and you are an extremely talented writer. Thank you, I totally loved this. ❤ x

And I cannot begin to describe what ” I” felt as I read your kind and generous thoughts. This, coming from someone I most admire as a (warrior) writer and a (human) friend touches my heart beyond words, Jen. ❤
One day, when the husband and I travel abroad, I hope to meet you. Until then we'll continue on through the blogosphere, my friend. Sending you love and light. ~Karen~

You my friend are most welcome. I hope that one day we may meet and share that glass of wine or two.. Smiles. It is not often that I am told I am admired, so I thank YOU most sincerely. ❤ hugs and love Karen.

enjoyed reading a bit of your journey in writing…for me writing has been many things…i relate to your letters to your son…it has been that for me…it is my way of taking photographs and exploring the world and my thoughts…

Absolutely wonderful! I understand this well – I am the onnbugeisha wielding my sword and on the side, I am the peaceful writer of classic haiku and in the middle is a woman who loves to laugh, dance, cook, and writewritewrite. I thank you very much for finding and following my blog. it is a mishmash but then again, so am I. I hope you will visit often and feel welcomed. I several comments from people whose blogs I follow and who follow mine so I am among friends! I like that.

Thank you so much for your kind words! So glad it resonated with you! It sounds like we have a lot in common. I think the mark of any creative is an amazing mix of ‘things’ that play off one another and the key ingredient is that they are all used as we participate in this life of ours. I look forward to getting to know you! 🙂 ~Karen~

I’m so glad I found you!! (Or you found me, not sure which happened first). No matter, we are soul sisters – truly. I teach creative writing, and the main thing I talk about is how we find our soul as we write. But you wrote about that writing miracle so much more eloquently. Writing ‘turns muddy water’ clear – absolutely! Thank you for this. Love the Lao Tzu quote at the end too. Perfect.

Thank you oh so much! We are soul sisters indeed! It’s taken me a while to truly find my raw and unedited soul, but once I did…everything changed. But. I don’t have to tell you that! 🙂 I really look forward to visiting your blog and getting to know you! Be well. ~Karen~

The warrior and the human. One has broad strokes written with a steady hand the human won’t always attempt. The other’s hand is shaky, written with a depth of emotion the warrior can’t afford. Still they walk hand in hand. One walking closely behind the other, as if to receive strength or vulnerability through osmosis.

Thank you so very much for your kind words. I’m having to step back and process being told “I’m gifted.” I’m humbled and encouraged by all of the talented writers that have commented on this piece. Tears of gratitude flow… ❤ ~Karen~

Thank you, Kim! I am most honored! I’ll check out your site for the particulars. Sorry for the delay but we had to go back home to Maryland for a funeral. You have definitely put a smile on this girl’s face! ❤

Thank you kindly! You’re so very right! I’m learning as I go to listen to my inner voice – so far, it has guided me on what to hold and when to fold. (I like the way you said that!)
I’ve also learned that I’ve held on to way too much and in “folding” there’s a delicate freedom if done properly. ❤ ~Karen~

So sorry about your recent funeral, Karen! I have been a little behind in reading and wanted to let you know how much I appreciate the way you examine yourself in the two personas of warrior and human. I like to analyze and sometime debate. These are two qualities we may have in common! Smiles, Robin

Thanks Robin! No worries – I’ve been behind, as well. With the house and traveling back and forth from Richmond to Maryland…it’s been crazy!
We definitely have those qualities in common, my friend! I’m very very philosophical too. Hope all is well with you! Love and light! ~Karen~