Wednesday, March 5, 2008

7 motherhood ideas I love

I need to face it. My kids are going to grow up. And that's already happening way faster than I feel ok about. I guess that's why I latch on with all my heart to ideas I hear or come up with that will help me cherish the moment while they're young. Some of them I'm good at. Some of them I want desperately to be good at. But for what it's worth they're ideas that have struck me as a mother as things that would help me soak in my "babies" for as long as they'll let me.

1. Movie NightOur friends the Farnsworths introduced us to this one. Dave and I try our best to schedule our dates and other social stuff on Saturday so we can be home with the kids on Friday because Friday night is sacred. Friday night is "Movie Night." We pop popcorn, always make chocolate chip cookies, and watch a movie. Sometimes it's an amazing movie we're all spellbound by, sometimes it turns out to be a dumb show we thought we'd try, sometimes it's one Dave picked up in China with annoying subtitles covering part of the screen, but none of that really matters so much. What matters is that we're together. And we all LOVE it. Inevitably there will be a time in the future when our kids won't think it's so cool to stay home with their parents on a Friday night to watch a movie, but for now, we're superstars to them and we're eating it up while we can!

2. InterviewsThis is something I'm not good at, but I sure want to be. My Dad started this tradition when we were little. He'd corner us (usually in the bathroom since that was the most quiet place he could find with nine kids running around) and have a little interview with us once a week. He'd ask all kinds of questions. He'd help us figure out our goals. When we were really little he'd write the initial of our best talents on each of our ten fingertips (I was "good" at art so he'd write a little "a" for art with a ballpoint pen on my thumb, then move on to my next "talent" that he'd add to my index finger). He'd make us feel so great about ourselves. He'd ask what he could help with. And the amazing thing was that when we grew up and moved away he'd still call us for our interviews. Since I was the second girl the second Sunday was always mine. He'd call and just give me my traditional "interview" over the phone.

This is a tough thing to carry on with my kids because I'm not anywhere near as organized or as amazing as my dad. But I do enjoy writing occasional letters on my kids' fingertips and I have cornered them for an "interview" on occasion. This year I've decided to try to do interviews on our monthly lunch dates, which is the next idea...

3. Lunch DatesI know there will be a time I'll need to take school time more seriously. Soon they will be in junior high, then filling out college applications before I know it. But this is elementary school for crying out loud. Shhh, this is a secret. I let my kids miss some of it sometimes. I take them out to long lunches one by one once a month. It's the only time I could figure out to have more one on one time together. Yes, Lucy and Claire tag along, and yes, sometimes they're enough to upset the good people who thought Wendy's would be a nice quiet break from their work day and don't want to be hampered by two kids throwing French fries around in the air. But that child I took out of school still knows that it's their special day, and their eyes sparkle with the excitement of getting to order whatever they want and having me just concentrate on them. I love that Max still begs for it to be "his" day.

This year I'm trying to have a little "interview" with each child while we're at lunch (amidst the chicken nuggets and fighting over who gets the last bites of the McFlurry...yes, sadly it's usually Wendy's or McDonalds with an occasional Jack in the Box thrown in there, but it's their choice and I have to live with it). I go through what my parents call the "5 Facets" with them. How are they doing 1) spiritually, 2) physically, 3)mentally, 4)emotionally, and 5)socially. We make monthly goals of how they can do better in each of these categories. And then ideally I schedule these things in on my calendar so I can help them (not so good at that yet). But I love connecting with them. I love telling them I love them over our "gourmet" food.

4. Mother's Day LettersBeing the fanatic about record keeping that I am I love to write letters to my kids. I want them to have a record of how much I adore every little thing they do. When Max and Elle were little I was great at it and I'd write to them all the time. But then it got harder and harder to set aside time to do it. So a few years ago I decided I'd ask for a couple hours alone in my room each Mother's Day so I could write a special love note to each of my kids. I love knowing that I have those compiled for them. I want them to forever remember how much I love them at every stage and what I've noticed about them each year.

5. "Happies" & "Sads"Another one of my parent's great ideas (I'm a little bit biased but I think they are amazing. They do have a great website here). Each night at dinner the kids tell us what their "happies" and "sads" were from the day. Claire's are inevitably that she was happy a friend could come over and she was sad when that said friend had to leave. But most of the time it leads to good discussions and helps the kids tell us what really happened during the day instead of just saying it was "fine" or "good"...or "bad." I like to hear the details and this is a good way to squeeze them out.

6. Late NightsWe were really good at this last year but not so hot at it this year...I think this is something that works better when your kids all go to bed around the same time, and our kids are more staggered at bedtime as they are getting older. But I love it anyway so I'm including it. "Late Nights" are when the kids get to rotate each getting a turn once a week to stay up ten or fifteen minutes later than the others. They eat this up. It's such a short amount of time, but they think it's the luckiest thing ever when it's their turn and we love to give them some undivided one-on-one attention.

7. "Clean Ten"This really doesn't have much to do with cherishing the moment with kids, but it sure makes things less chaotic when it happens and then you can cherish the good stuff, and "be still" more often. I have no idea where I heard this but I love it. Whenever things get really cluttery...Saturday afternoons, between when the kids get home from school and dinner, Sunday afternoons, etc. (ok, pretty much a few times a day) we just say "clean ten" and the kids have to each pick up and put away ten things. I LOVE it because they just know to do that. Not only does it help to get the house clean quick but it helps the kids know where everything really goes so they can be better at putting things away in the first place.

So these are a few things from my motherhood idea "collection" so far. I'd love to hear any other great ideas.

78 comments:

I love love love all those ideas!!! Thanks for sharing them. We started something similar with Highlights and low lights of our day(I actually got this idea from my friend)We each take turns around the dinner table. It's fun to listen to their highlights and lowlights. I love the interview idea. Your parents just have a wealth of knowledge that I love to tap into whenever I can. I like reading stuff from their website. You are a lucky girl to have such great role models, that's why you are so amazing.

I love these ideas so much that I just jotted them all down on paper so I wouldn't forget even just one of the things you shared. You are so inspiring and I love reading your blog. I have done a similar thing with the letters except I write a letter to each of my kids every year on their birthday. We also are going to have a tradition that on a child's 5th birthday they get to go do a day trip at Disneyland all by themself just with mom or dad. That will be their special birthday gift, some one on one time with us at the happiest place on earth! :) Every night I also take the time to read to each of my kids in their bed and that is "our" time and they eat it up!! I have an obcession with children's books but as a result, my kids love, love to read! Anyway, I only have my two little kids so I am still learning how to be a good mom ... thanks for your example!

We are going to do the special plate thing. We are going to decorate a plate as a family and when someone does something really great that week they get to eat off the special plate. Also My husband has an old football jersey that is huge. Your kids are probably too big to start this but every year around her borthday we put Sophie in the Jersey and take a picture so we can all see how much she has grown.

So motivating! Really thankyou. I was ready to go to bed and should of, but this post was the reason to put that offa little bit longer. You have such inspirational words of wisdom. I am now ready to go to bed on a positive note. Can not wait to try all of the ideas.

Hi my name is April, I can't even remember how I came across your blog,but it's one of my favorites,I'm new at this whole thing. I have to tell you how inspiring you are. This post along with others, had me in tears. I wonder if you even know how you touch other peoples lives, and make them want to do better. Keep up the good work, your kids are so lucky to have a mom like you!!!!April Hickman

Of course I'm not surprised at all by this post...I've always know how AMAZING you are!! I LOVE your ideas. I really need to get it together in the areas that matter most. Thanks for the nudge in the right direction.

I have to admit that I've been reading your blog for some time now. I really enjoy it so much, I think I saw a comment from you on Jill or Julies blog. Anyway, I don't read anyone's blog that I don't know...except for you, because you just sound like a fabulous person, and I love the way you put things. I hope you don't mind that I do.I had to come clean now, because I love this post. My mom would take us out of school for lunch too and I can't wait to do that one day. I also love the love letters to your children on mother's day, that is a great idea.I wrote a post back in August about some of our traditions, but since I'm commenting I'd better share an idea right? :) Our girls are much smaller than you kids, but I'd bet they'd love it still, but a fun thing we do is turn out all the lights in the house and get flashlights. We'll either play hide-n-go-seek, or read a story, or make dessert, anything. It's just a great way to simplify the chaos around us and focus on being a family. It's another great Friday night activity. My 3 year old LOVES it. I'm a little embarrassed I finally commented, but thanks for allowing us to see what a great person you are.

Amazing. That's all I can say. You are totally amazing. How do you do it? I am so envious of your control.I love your idea of lunch dates. I think I will start making them with my children. I agree, it's only elementary school...except that Bryton will be in HS next year. I should probably start taking him out of school for lunch soon! (If he'll let me)Thanks for so many great, insightful ideas!! I would love to do them all, but for now? One at a time. Baby steps. Maybe I'll stay somewhat sane that way :) Thanks Shawni!

Hi Shawni,This is Anne Garner's sister (& Melissa F.'s cousin, and on the other side, Andrew(Elizabeth)F.'s cousin--how's that for a small world?...and I grew up w/the Pothier's--like half of Mesa!) Love reading your blog. I've met you once or twice when visiting my sister's ward. Anyway, LOVE your ideas. We do alot of the same ones. Just thought I'd share our take on the "interviews" because I too am seeing time speed up and the precious days of childhood racing by...We do a once a month Sunday "talk and treat." (Usually on the fourth Sunday, and it takes all afternoon, so its a huge sacrifice for those of us that indulge in the Sunday afternoon nap...) One on one, we have the kids come into our bedroom and just talk about anything and everything. We always start and end with a prayer, and before we really "get started" with our chat, the child will record in a (cheap, marble composition) journal, some of the highlights of his or her month. It starts out small, with lots of "I can't think of anything to write" but then the juices really get flowing. We write for the ones that can't yet, and they draw a picture. (I love that they will have this simple once a month record of their childhood, since I am terrible at the daily or even weekly journaling.) We also use it to record our monthly goals for that child, so that the next month we can check back and they can see that they've really made some progress or achieved something really great. We also have used this time to check on cub scout requirements or faith in God (etc.) that they may have passed off. Then after they talk to us about whatever they want to, we end with another prayer and they get to choose a treat (usually a big candy bar-- or maybe something else they don't normally get to have.) The kids LOVE it and I actually feel like I'm doing something right for a change! ;) Your kids ARE lucky to have you. Thanks for sharing.

Wow! This idea is wonderful! We chose to have a big family (5 kids but oldest boy is at college and then ages 1, 3, 4, 9-all girls) and it can be hard to have one on ones! Thanks for sharing your idea!

What a gorgeous family! Great ideas, which I will try on my beautiful Grandsons aged 5yrs &10mths. I have started a time capsule for them saving newspaper headlines & random invites, postcards & stuff which may be deemed important when they turn 21. Each birthday I have given Judd a photo album named " when I was 1"etc. He loves looking at them & they give us all great memories. Now I have another Grandson Jack , so I better get organized. Happy 2015 to you all!

Hi Shawni, I am totally blog surfing right now because I am laid up in my bed. Kara, is one of my good friends. That is how I landed here. I love your ideas. They are great. I especially love the lunch date. We have gone to the school and had lunch with them there, but we all know how great that food is. I am such a believer in "traditions" so I don't think it matters what you do with your kids as long as you make it the "thing" your family always does. They love consistancy. Our family does movie nights, just not every week. I think that is something we are going to have to make a tradition!

Thanks for all the great and inspiring ideas. You make me want to be a better mom. I will be trying out a few of these. I say a few because i know I can't possibly tackle them all at once. Baby steps, right?

Thanks for all the great and inspiring ideas. You make me want to be a better mom. I will be trying out a few of these. I say a few because i know I can't possibly tackle them all at once. Baby steps, right?

When I was growing up we made the plate together at a pottery shop and that is probably what we will do with our kids. You know one of those places you decorate it and they fire it and you pick it up later. I bet your kids would love it. Ours had sparkles on it too.

Wow Shawni! You have such great ideas. You really are such an example to all of us of a great mom. I am going to have to try a few of your ideas. My kids love new things. Sometimes it is so hard to find the one on one time with each kid so thanks for the great ideas!

I love the lunch date idea. I loved it when I was in school and got pulled out to go to lunch with one of my parents or grandparents. I definately want to do this with my children. You're such a brilliant mommy, your list is awesome. :)

Hi Shawni, I'm friends with Melissa F. & loved the photos you did of their family. She referred me to check out your blog for more info but I don't see a contact number or e-mail so I'm commenting here! Your photos are amazing, I'd love for you to take some of my family too. Looks like you've got a crazy busy life, so when you find the time, you can email me @ nicholenuttall@cox.net....

Like everyone before me, wow, Wow, WOW! What great, and I mean GREAT, ideas! I love them all.

It is true that kids just simply grow up too fast. Yes, I wouldn't have it anyother way, and often in the chaos of the day I just can't wait until bedtime arrives, but if we don't grab little moments now and then, soon we'll have missed those priceless opportunites.

I am going to totally copy you on these. (Hope you don't mind). This is why keeping a blog is so powerful- you can share ideas and stories which in turn can affect others lives for good. What an incredible thing.

I love how you don't just do big family things. It's the little moments alone with each child that make their faces light up with delight and they know that they really matter as an individual. I struggle so much with this one.

It's hard to have my kids so close together and throw in the 2 sets of twins bit and it seems like I never get to do much alone with them. Anytime I can escape with one of the boys, even with the girls tagging along, they love it. My Matt calls it our "special" day. And that really is what is does- makes they feel like they are you're #1 guy right then.

I go to lunch once a week at school with them, but think taking them out is a great idea. I love your happies and sad because everyone need to talk things out with a listening ear.

Tbanks for taking the time to share such wonderful traditions and helping us all to pause and take the time with our kids while we can.

my best buddy, April Hickman, told me about your site.... ohhhh...you have a way with words. your list of ideas was exactly what my kids needed ME to know. my life is so busy right now and priorities are a bit mixed up, but you have just given me 7 simple ways to make sure that my jack, luke and kate have some mommy time. thanks for sharing, shawni. may your tomorrow be extrememly happy. kris hansen

I love these ideas left on the comments and thanks so much for the kind words. I'm sure everyone has great motherhood ideas to share and I love blogs because I get to hear some of them. Although I know this will happen, I dread the day I'll look back and say, "oh I wish I would have known that, or I wish I would have done that with my kids." So I'm trying to gather as many ideas as possible to really cherish the moments that happen every day. I'm sad that some of these comments are from private blogs so I can't write back, but thanks so much for the insights from everyone who left them!

Love this post. Thanks for sharing your ideas. We do a lot of the same things. I love that you give your Friday nights to your kids. I'm still a little too selfish to do that, but I think it sounds like you are making lots of great family memories together.

it's so great getting these words of advice from you, shawni. i kind of feel like i've got a bit of a "heads up" of what's to come and love that i can start practicing things now that will make it easier for when we have more (assuming we ever get that far :)) now there's just the "doing." sad how much easier it's said than done in my case!

So, after silently reading and admiring your blog for a while --your beautiful pictures and moving words--I am finally leaving a comment. Looks like I'm not the only one who appreciated your ideas. Thanks for sharing! Sometimes I feel like I have ideas floating around out there, but until I write them down they don't have a chance of becoming a pattern or tradition. Thanks for motivating me to pick some things to start "patterning" and for the great ideas!

Your "clean ten" idea reminds me of what my Mom used to do. She usually tried to make a game out of cleaning up around the house. She's say, "Okay, let's play pick up!" And we all knew what to do. We counted as we put stuff away. Whichever one of us (four kids) put away the most got a prize. (It might have been extra change in our personal change jar, a popsicle, or extra play time, etc.) It always took the "chore" out of the work, and made it more like "play" and fun to see which siblings you could beat. lol. I plan to use the same thing on our kids. (Our first is in my oven with only 5 more weeks to go!) :)

These are FANTASTIC ideas! I saw this on Pinterest and wondered if they really were great or not. As I began reading I realized just how much I love them! They are either things I am already doing (with a twist) or things I always wanted to do with my kids. I am going to have fun implementing some of the new things. I also checked out your parents blog and when I read their names I realized they sounded familiar. That's when I realized I had read their book,"How to Talk to Your Kids About Sex." I used it with my first child and it was a GREAT experience. I highly recommend it!

These are fabulous ideas! I've been trying to soak up all the moments and make the most of all of them lately, because I too have realized that things are just going WAY too fast!!! It sounds like you're doing a fabulous job with your kids! :)Rosa

I have a boy - and he's only 5 months - so I'm stocking up on as many ideas as possible! Love all these ideas!

A couple things we did that I cherished when I was a kid...

1. When I started my period...the next week I got surprise taken out of school by my mom and taken for a day of fun outings as a celebration of my woman-hood. We had lunch, and got pedicures/manicures, went to the mall and I got to pick out a purse...simple girly things

2. My husband cherishes the fact that on opening day his dad would take him out of school to go see the Royals and he plans to do that with our son.

Obviously, not all the time things - but wonderful memories we have to pass on to our children!

Great ideas! I do birthday letters to the kids, similar to your mothers day letters idea, every year on their birthdays I write them a letter telling them about the things I love about them and talking about their favorite things and talents so we can have a record of those things and for their enjoyment (and maybe even their kids) when they are older. We also try to find time to do something one on one with each of the kids. Plus my husband is really good at making up "special" things to do- it's usually something simple, but it's different and fun.

Hi Shawni! My name is Sarah Nuttall, I'm Mike and Kathy Holt's daughter. I just recently found this post on pinterest and absolutely love the ideas you posted! I put a link to your blog from mine to come check out all your fun ideas! Thanks for sharing such fun ideas!

Love all your ideas, I wanted to share my twist on you letters. My husbands mom wrote in a journal for him, she only did it for the first few years of his life, but I loved it so much I wanted to do it or my kids. I buy a nice journal for them and I write at least once a year on their birthday, but as long as I have one out I usually write in the other 2 at the same time, so they get written at least 3 times a year. My girls love them and like to read or be read to what is in them already. :) I will usually take them to church with my when I am trying to write in all of them and take that time when no when can really bug me to write to them from the heart. thanks!

Fun list! We do almost all of those. I loved the stay up late with one child each night! My kids are going to love that. We also do kid of the day, and that child gets the family privileges for the day; remote, first in line, mom's special helper, sitting in the front seat, etc. Cuts down the fighting and me having to remember each time!

We call it 'thankfuls' when we share at bedtime one thing we are thankfulbfor, one thing we are sorry for, and aomething we are going to do for others the next day. I like the idea of doing it at dinner though!

The letters I write to my kids are in a journal that I took to the hospital when they were born. I try to write as often as I can and we get them out for special occasions for family to add a note as well. Still don't know when we'll give them to them but I know I treasure looking back at what I wrote to them.

My dad was amazing-he did lots of the things above you said, but one thing I loved was we would get a letter around Valentines day that my dad would mail to each of us individually from loveland Colorado and have it returned to us -- still not sure how--but inside was a card and invite to a daddy/daughter (or dad/son) date. We got to choose what we did most of the time. Dad and I went to a baseball game, a movie, a swing dance professional competition, a restraunt where they make the food right in front of you, a dinner theater--he did it for years and I loved it. He passed away due to an accident 4 years ago and I miss him a lot. Also when he passed away we found gifts all over his office hidden away for each of us--Movies, cards, small things like that--we felt his love for us even after he passed.

We do a couple of things that have become family traditions. One is what we call a Woods Family Slumber Party. We make a whole meal out of snacks (though most of it is fruit and veggies, then popcorn and usually pizza rolls or something else savory and less healthy more fun), we all get in our pjs and watch a movie on the pullout couch while we eat. When the movie is over we go to sleep all together in the same room. The kids love it.

The other thing we do we call Gallery in the Woods. We make a good deal of art, and then we hang/display it all in the "gallery" complete with tags including the title, artist, and medium. We make another special hors'derves meal and eat while we peruse the art on the walls. We all pick a favorite by each artist and we all tell which of our own is our favorite. We all love this one.

It's so important to make memories that tie you to each other. Love your list. I write letters to my kids too.And we try to make sure we take the kids out on individual dates.

Although my kids are grown ups, I have six grandchildren that I can use these ideas with. One great idea is to put notes in places they least expect it, under their pillow, around the toothpaste, on the mirror, and of course, in the lunch bag.

We do "special days" and it is great at resolving any issues with whose turn it is for something. Each child has one day of the week, from the time they are two (or when they can actually understand) till forever. On their "special day" they get to say our meal and family prayers, pick the movie, pick the car seat they want, go on errands with mom or dad, pick the game, pick whatever it is we are doing that day. Each child knows they get a day (turn) and it helps with arguing, complaining and it makes sure mom and dad don't leave anyone out and everyone has equal opportunities, etc. thanks for your ideas as well.

Fantastic ideas! Thanks for this. I have a 2 year old so he is still young enough to enjoy. I'll keep this ideas in mind as he gets older. I really love the writing to your child idea. I've done it too. I even get postcards when we go on vacation and write out cards for each holiday. I hope that enjoys them when he gets older!

Hi, I hope you don't mind but we have adopted one of your traditions! We loved the finger writing during Daddy/child interviews. I wrote a post in my blog about your blog. I love your blog! I only found it at Christmas and have been back everyday. Thank you!

It is easy to make your own traditions... From secret handshakes to family nights... I was so desperate to get rid of the horrible 3's, that I had to do something fast! I invented "Shake the Crabbies"... It is simple. When they get crabby, they shake their heads and throw their crabbiness onto a passing car or house... It works every time. Something we do, that no one else does. My kids laugh later about it once my plan has finally worked! he he

Thank you for sharing such wonderful ideas! I am grateful. I would also love a list of ideas to ask for the interviews. (This is my first time on your blog. I came from Pinterest. So I haven't had time to explore and know if you already addressed the questions. Thanks again!

We do a version of some of these but they are awesome ideas! The years go by so fast, something I am all too aware of now that our oldest just graduated and I am committed to making the moments last with our younger ones.

For whatever reason, your Mother's Day letters idea made me tear up. It is a tradition I will be starting and I only wish I had started it years ago. Thank you so much for sharing this.

Shawni... I love this! Thank you so much for sharing. So I will share something my son and I do. A couple years ago our Pastor at church challenged us to be thankful for the entire month of November, instead of just on Thanksgiving.

So we did. Every night as I was tucking him into bed I would ask him what he was thankful for that day and I too would share my "thankful's" with him. This past thanksgiving we did the same thing and I wrote them down... I too keep track of most everything. And then as December started my cousin suggested a M month of blessings. So for December we shared our daily blessings. Well it is September and it is now part of our nightly routine to share our "thankfuls and blessings".

Thank you for sharing! I love these! I have 3 little girls...One 4 year old and 14 month old twins. Life has been very busy and this post just made me realize how fast this time goes and how precious it is! Some of these are going on my to-do list...and on repeat!Leigh Ann Houstonwww.yourteacherslounge.com

THank you so much for sharing these!!! I think mom's need to do more sharing ! I love that :) What special memories you are making!! I smiled so big at your family picture...I did the opposite...a girl & then 4 little boys....I 'm actually STILL surprised cause I grew up with inly sisters :) But I love your ideas & am always looking for ways to build these lil babes up :)