What the FUCK is going on on the Arkansas-Mississippi border? Like that’s just gross. Are the guys shooting infected loads across state lines in some sort of insemination competition? And that swath that cuts right through Mississippi? It’s the Chlamydia Belt.

There are some surprises, though. Florida is amazingly not the covered in chlamydia. I expected it to be DRENCHED. Western New Mexico’s got something funky, too. And South Dakota, North Dakota and Montana? I know no one cares about you, but please, wear some god damn condoms.