Locked on Sports: Believe me when I say, dark days ahead for Mariners

By DAVID LOCKE, SPECIAL TO THE POST-INTELLIGENCER

Published 10:00 pm, Tuesday, July 8, 2003

Every fan has theirs.

For some, it is a special spot on the couch. For others, it might be a rally hat, or even some special undergarment. Players, managers and general managers all think they dictate the outcome of sporting events. But we, the fans, know the truth. It is our special actions, our superstitions, our good luck charms that really change the fate of our club.

If we are seated in the right spot, the Mariners will win. If we have our lucky hat on, Edgar will drive a blast over the right-field wall and if those unwashed favorites are on, Boonie will clear the bases with a double to left. Don't ever doubt the power.

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It has become obvious to me that I have that special influence over the Seattle Mariners. I can do it with my opinion. Therefore, it is time to use my newfound clout to benefit all Mariners fans.

No matter what I have said on my radio show or written in this newspaper, the Mariners have done the opposite this season. (The other translation is that I have been wrong all year, but what fun would that be to admit?!)

That is not exactly true. I said Jeff Cirillo is terrible at the plate and he still is. Certain items even I can get right and not even special undergarments can overcome Cirillo's ineptitude.

Do you realize that from the All-Star break last year to now, Cirillo has just two home runs and 24 extra-base hits in more than 400 at-bats? Cirillo's offense is a lost cause, but I am testing to see how much power I might really have. Imagine my value if Cirillo starts hitting.

Anyway, here is how I know I have this special power over the Mariners. When the year started, I was certain this team was missing the special ingredients it needed to be a World Series contender. Immediately, the Mariners became red-hot and the top team in baseball.

Shortly thereafter, I was so inspired by the Mariners' play that I proclaimed the race for the AL West had only days left. The Mariners' big wins on the East Coast road trip, coupled with an easy schedule, made their status as division leaders unattainable for the Oakland Athletics or Anaheim Angels.

I generally still believe this, but that six-game lead in the West is feeling pretty suspect. I still fear the Angels more than I do the offensively limited A's.

What has left me with no doubt that my opinions are dictating the Mariners play is that I have proclaimed numerous times on my radio show that this team is "slump proof."

The logic, or lack thereof, went something like this: Their starting pitching is so good, the bullpen is such a nightly advantage and their defense never misses a beat. Therefore, even if their hitting goes on a slump they would never go on any extended losing string.

Promptly, the bullpen met Rondell White, the hitting went on a colossal slump to end June and, of course, the injury bug popped up.

Thus, the "slump-proof" Mariners have played .500 ball for about a month, and had lost seven of 10 going into last night. I think the word "slump" comes to mind.

Now that I am aware that my opinion has this power, it is time to take it out and become the controller of the Mariners' fate.

So here it goes ...

The Mariners are done. They aren't even going to make the playoffs. Last year, the dive started after the All-Star break, but this year they are a year older and it has already started.

I haven't even mentioned that some of these guys can't carry their suitcase up the stairs without getting hurt. Think about that ... up the stairs, not down.

Their offense has too many holes. Randy Winn's performance is making us search for a left fielder again. Dan Wilson is remarkably hitting lower than the pitcher's earned-run average when he catches. Olerud, for all of his awesome play afield, is a below-average offensive first baseman right now.

The offense is doomed and you can't cover up its inadequacies for a whole season.

The pitching staff has been virtually perfect, other than a minor Freddy Garcia month-long adventure and Jeff Nelson's closing escapades. Now we hear a sore arm and Gil Meche in the same sentence. It is all falling apart.

The Mariners will be out of first place by Aug. 26 -- Lou Piniella and the Devil Rays will be in town -- and never be back in it again.

Now for the real test of the influence. The Mariners have failed at the trade deadline the past three years and there is no reason to believe that general manager (Stand) Pat Gillick will make the move to bring the Mariners out of this "slump."

OK, let's hope that does the trick to break them out of their doldrums. Just in case my opinions don't always cause the opposite reaction, and I have just been wrong all season, you may want to keep the lucky hat close by and the special spot on the couch ready for key moments.