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She knew that "getting back" at her husband wasn't going to produce empowerment or healing, but nevertheless began a disastrous affair.

She subsequently discovered that the man was only interested in a narcissistic conquest, and he quickly dumped her.

They enjoyed talking and looking forward to time together.

Suddenly we found ourselves talking, feeling like we had known each other for years." The affair "just "happened," George added. Another one sounding a bit more "strategic" came from Jan, a 41 year-old lawyer.

She told me that her affair was a "marriage stabilizer..and discreet, a perfect solution for me." She decided it was a rational alternative to the disruption of divorce.

Eventually, she realized that beneath her anger was a desire for a man who would really recognize her, who could "see" her, as her father never did.

But before that awakening occurred, she suffered, and she still had to deal with the reality of her marriage and how to heal her own trauma. Can you call it an affair if the "lovers" don't have sex? They became very close working together on a volunteer project.

I love to dance, go shopping with my friends and buy way too many shoes.

It can also fade if the lovers discover that there wasn't much connecting them beyond sex.

As John later told me, "As great as the sex was, we didn't really have much to say to each other. Rachel began realizing the depth of her anger and resentment towards her husband after years of an unhappy marriage.

Paul was married, and Linda was divorced but living with a boyfriend.

They found they had much in common -- a similar outlook on life and a spiritual compatibility as well.

That level of intimacy and intensity makes it an affair of the mind, if not the body; it's more than just a friendship.