Old Bro Strider was hoppin' around
Skaia City like a big playground
When suddenly Karkat burst from the shade
And hit Bro Strider with a Crab Grenade!
Bro Strider got pissed and began to attack,
But didn't expect to be blocked by Jack,
Who proceeded to open up a can of Jack-Fu
When Tholluckth Captor came out of the blue,
And he started beatin' up on Jack Noir
Then they both got flattened by the Karkat Car
Before he could make it back to the Crab Cave
Colonel Sassacre popped out of his grave
And took an automatic pistol out from under his hat,
Blew Karkat away with a rat-a-tat-tat,
Then he ran out of bullets and he ran away,
Because Becquerel came to save the day!

(Chorus)
This is the Ultimate Showdown!
Of Ultimate Alchemy!
Trolls, Dersites, Humans and Agents!
As far as the eye can see!
And only one will survive, I wonder who it will be?
This is the Ultimate Showdown!
Of Ultimate Alchemy!

Bro Strider took a slice out of Becquerel
While Hephaestus came up like a bat out of hell!
Then Jack came back covered in a tire track,
But Nepeta jumped out and landed on his back!
And Karkat was injured and trying to get steady
When Colonel Sassacre came back with a machete
Then suddenly something caught his leg and he tripped--
Aradia Megiddo took him out with a whip!
Then she saw Bro Strider sneakin' up from behind
And she reached for her gun, which she just couldn't find
'Cause Karkat stole it and he shot and he missed
And Nepeta deflected it with her fist
Then she jumped in the air and she did a somersault
While Colonel Sassacre tried to pole vault
Onto Becquerel, but they collided in the air,
Then they both got hit by an Oglogoth Stare!

(Chorus)
Angels cried out
With a thunderous crack
As down from the heavens
Came Equius Zahhak
Who delivered a kick
Which could shatter lead
Directly into
Aradia's head
Which flew through the air
And onto Jack's knife
While Karkat Vantas
Reached for his scythe
But Equius saw his frenzied rush
And turned Karkat's head
Into gooey mush.

THEN STRIDER THE RED AND STRIDER THE BLACK AND EVERY SINGLE LUSUS COMING BACK TO BACK,
AND THE WARWEARY VILLEIN, AND THE SECRET WIZARD AND CRUMPLEHAT AND DAVE'S PICKLED LIZARDS,
SPIDERMOM, ROSE LALONDE, MOTHER GRUB, JOHN'S BATHTUB, SNOWMAN, NANNAQUIN, EVERY SINGLE FELT MEMBER,
SWEET FUCKIN' BRO AND HELLA JEFF, PAL; HALLEY, MUTIE, DOC SCRATCH AND LI'L CAL
All came out of nowhere, lightning fast!
And they kicked Equius in his Alternian ass!
It was the funniest battle that the world ever saw
With Prospitians looking on in total awe!

The fight raged on for a century,
Many lives were claimed, but eventually
A champion stood
(the rest all were slain)
Fuckin' Clubs Deuce with a bull penis cane.

Tygon (4 years ago)The perfect balance of hilarious and amazing, this song has me in stitches. :D

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