I remember when Jeff first posted this about 9 years ago--then revised it
several times. I also remember some new Zionisti thinking it was a
serious survey!
Funny thing is, it's still pretty relevant!

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val
On Sun, 02 Nov 2003 17:51:06 -0900 "John W. Redelfs"
<[EMAIL PROTECTED]> writes:
> With great fondness I remember a list member, Jeff Farinacci, who
> delighted
> us with his "New Member Survey." For nostalgia's sake I post it
> here:
>
> Welcome to the ZION List.
> But before becoming a full-fledged member, you must first fill
> out this
> survey and return it back to the list. Thanks for your
> cooperation.
>
> 1. Are you a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day
> Saints?
>
> 2. Do you sustain Gordon B. Hinckley as the President of the
> Church, and as
> Prophet, Seer, and Revelator?
>
> 3. Do you sustain the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles as Prophets,
> Seers, and
> Revelators?
>
> 4. Do you sustain your local leaders?
>
> 5. Are you now or have you ever been involved with, or supported
> (either
> financially, emotionally, spiritually, or otherwise) any individual
> or groups
> of individuals who are apostates to the Church?
>
> 6. WHITE SHIRTS
> a. Do you own any white shirts? If so, how many?
> b. Do you wear them on Sunday?
> c. Have you ever worn a shirt that was not white on Sunday?
> d. Do you have a white belt and shoes to match?
> e. Have you ever worn white shoes after Labor Day?
>
> 7. WORD OF WISDOM
> a. Have you ever drank or do you now drink Coca-Cola, or
> Pepsi?
> b. Have you ever drank or do you now drink "herbal teas" ?
> c. Do you eat chocolate?
> d. Do you drink Gatorade so you can "be like Mike" ?
> e. Do you do these things on Sunday?
>
> 8. PLAYING CARDS
> a. Do you now play or have you ever played cards?
> b. Do you own playing cards?
> c. Do you have any card games on your computer?
> d. Have you ever watched anybody play cards?
> e. Have you ever known anybody from Las Vegas?
> f. Is a Royal Flush better than a Full House?
>
> 9. FEMINISTS
> a. Have you ever used the term "feminazi" before?
> b. Do you sympathize with the "feminist movement" or "feminist
> agenda"?
> c. Do you watch or have you ever watched TV talk shows like
> "Sally Jessy
> Raphael", "Oprah", "Donahue" or "Geraldo"?
>
> 10. POLITICAL AGENDA
> a. Are you a conservative or liberal?
> (Please do not answer "middle of the road" here.
> You must identify yourself as one or the other.)
> b. Do you drink Orange Juice?
> c. Did you vote for Bill & Hillary?
> d. Have you ever listened to or do you now listen to "Rush
> Limbaugh"?
> e. Please list all publications (magazines, newspapers etc)
> you read.
>
> 11. CHURCH
> a. Please describe any and all callings that you have had in
> the Church.
> b. When do you think the Second Coming of the Lord will be?
> c. Do you consider yourself to be an "iron rodder"?
> d. Do you play basketball? What position? Height?
>
> 12. SACRAMENT
> a. Do you take the sacrament with your right hand?
> b. Do you save the bread until the water comes?
> c. Do you smack others who take the sacrament with their left
> hand?
> d. Are you left-handed?
> e. Have you ever sneezed on the sacrament trays?
>
> 13. SPIRIT & BIRTH
> When does the spirit enter the body?
> a. Immediately after conception
> b. After conception but before birth
> c. At birth
> d. After birth but before the age of eight
> e. I've known some people who had no soul at all.
>
> 14. GUNS
> a. Do you think that guns are immoral or unchristian?
> b. Do you own any guns? If so, list them.
> Attach a separate page, if needed.
> c. Have you ever fired a gun? When was the last time?
> d. Do you support the right to bear arms?
> e. Do you support the right to arm bears?
> f. Are you a member of the NRA, NOW, BSA, FBI, CIA, JBS, or
> CNN?
>
> 15. MEDIA
> a. Do you think the media is biased?
> b. Do you trust what the media reports?
> c. Do you think it is okay to "bash" the media?
>
> 16. MISSIONARY WORK
> a. Did you serve a mission? If so, where?
> b. Did you get married within 18 months of returning?
> c. Can you still fit into your mission clothes?
> d. How many ties do you own?
>
> 17. MISCELLANEOUS
> a. Do you ever use the term "GA" to refer to a General
> Authority?
> b. Do you ever refer to Church Leaders by their initials?
> c. Do you own a ouija board?
> d. Do you own a dartboard?
> e. How does Teflon stick to the pan?
> f. Why are manhole covers round?
> g. Do you have a garden at home? Have you ever grown
> zucchini?
> If so, what is the largest zucchini you've grown?
> h. Do you wear a mask at Halloween?
> Do you wear a mask at any other time of the year?
> i. Do you eat Lime Jell-O?
> j. Have you ever put butter on a cat?
>
>
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