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Gentleman, In The Age Of #MeToo, You're Needed More Than Ever

Founder, CEO Red Shoe Movement, a leadership development company powered by a movement of women who support each other for career success.

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With the national conversation around sexual harassment in the workplace in full swing, an unintended side effect is already being felt. Several of my female clients who work in large organizations told me that it seems men are more reluctant than ever to mentor or sponsor a female colleague. I've even heard male clients say they have become cautious of being too close to any particular woman.

Although you could think about this as a natural self-preservation reaction, we need men to mentor women and champion gender equality more than ever before. Why? Because only men who are true champions of inclusion in the workplace can help change the current climate by being actively involved in the process.

This isn’t a womens' issue. It’s everyone’s issue. We all work together, and what affects about 50% of the workforce inevitably affects everyone. The best way to move forward is not for men to disengage. On the contrary, it is for men to engage fully and demonstrate that they and the majority of their co-gendered peers in the workplace are decent people.

What Men Can Do

1. Be a change agent. Rally men around the topic. Don’t just sit back and watch women fight this fight. You can help carry the flag to eliminate sexual harassment in the workplace, like by reviewing your organization’s policies to make sure there’s no arbitration clause that protects the organization from being sued for sexual harassment. To introduce these important conversations with a lighter tone, try my #RedShoeTuesday campaign. It’s a fun way to approach a difficult topic.

2. Call out men who are misbehaving. If you’ve been around the block a couple of times, I’m sure you’ve witnessed at least one case of a male colleague crossing the line. Next time, call him out — whether you step in to give the woman an out, tell the man to stop his behavior, or pull him aside to talk to him privately. What’s not optional anymore is to remain a bystander. Bystanders are as responsible for sexual harassment, having survived under the radar as long as perpetrators have.

3. Distance yourself from men with bad reputations. If you want to avoid being considered guilty by association, stay away from men with a bad reputation when it comes to how they treat women. It would also be wise to avoid putting yourself in "risky" situations, like a company function where there is an abundance of alcohol or getting in a cab with a young colleague after a few drinks.

4. When in doubt, ask. We live in a time where the pendulum is shifting all the way to the other end, and we risk winding up in a “no-physical-contact-whatsoever" land. When is it OK to hug someone? How close should you stand when you talk to a woman? The best way to know is to ask the person in question. It will be awkward at the beginning, but everyone understands we are in new territory. We’ll have to come up with new rules.

5. Revisit your jokes. Jokes are being scrutinized more carefully for subtle inferences and implications. So even when you’re joking with colleagues you’ve known for a long time, be cautious. People’s sensitivities are changing, and they may not find your jokes as funny as they used to. Women who have put up with a lot of uncomfortable situations in the past are now finding the words to label the behavior and are speaking up. Self-deprecation is still OK, and talking about the weather always works too.

6. Be careful with your compliments. Most people like to be complimented. But again, compliments, particularly to women, can be tricky. Avoid anything along the lines of, "You look hot in that outfit," "I wish I were 20 years younger," "You could be a model," etc. Here's what's OK: "You look really nice today," "You look very professional," "I like how that outfit projects authority and confidence," "What a great necklace," "I love your shoes," etc.

7. Mentor women. If you aren’t mentoring women yet, seek out a few to start. Given that, in most organizations, men are still the group that vastly occupies the C-suite, mentoring a woman as a man can be extremely helpful for increasing diversity and inclusion at that level. It's also critical to help women navigate the unwritten rules and policies of the organization and break into power networks to land growth opportunities. The best ways to do this in the age of #MeToo? Mentor women in groups of two or three at a time. If you are mentoring one particular woman, meet for lunch or in a public place. Keep records of the times you meet and topics you discuss. With her permission, you may also want to record the conversations.

8. Sponsor women. More than ever before, women need strong champions who can contribute to their career advancement. Shying away from promoting women to the top would undo years of work towards increasing sponsorship of female talent. Get to know your female talent so you can use your authority to make recommendations that can clear the way for their growth. For example, approve a coach to help her develop a specific skill; open up a seat at the table.

9. When in doubt, ask. Again. One more thing. It's a good idea to sit with each of your female coworkers and ask them directly: “In view of what’s happening in our country, I’d like to make sure that nothing I do or say makes you feel uncomfortable. Would you mind sharing with me if there is any behavior you’d like me to change?” There's nothing like an honest, humble conversation to show women you really care, respect them and are a true champion.