Australia's army chief, David Morrison, is pissed off, and he's laying down the fucking law. After this week's news that 17 military personnel, including high-ranking officers, were under investigation for allegedly creating and exchanging "explicit and profane" emails, he's looking for change. Scratch that, he's demanding change.

These 17 men — who called themselves "The Jedi Council'' because they're total and complete assholes and also don't know anything about movies — allegedly sent around videos of themselves having sex with women who didn't know they were being filmed. What a bunch of fucking weirdos, and I mean that in the worst and saddest way possible. Seriously — what kind of loser texts his buddy a video of himself having sex and is like "Here's a cool video I made of me having sex — check it out, bro!" If one of my friends did that to me, I'd take ten thousand scalding hot showers and then burn everything they'd ever touched in my apartment.

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At least five women — female soldiers, public servants, and others — were victims of the ring, according to Morrison. Three of these Council of Scumbags have already been suspended, and it sounds like the other should watch their backs.

''These are actions by men who have been in the defence force for in excess of 10 years. This goes to the heart of what I said about systemic problems with culture inside the army," said Morrison. Holy shit, this guy is fucking great. He gets it, and you know what? I would not cross him. Would you cross him? You might, but you would not live to tell that tale of your stupidity.

Some more favorite quotes:

I will be ruthless in ridding the army of people who cannot live up to its values and I want every one of you to support me in achieving this. The standard you walk past is the standard you accept.

Female soldiers and officers have proven themselves worthy of the best traditions of the Australian army... If that does not suit you, then get out... There is no place for you amongst this band of brothers and sisters.

Those who think that it is okay to behave in a way that demeans or exploits their colleagues have no place in this army.

Changing that culture is a big, big job, but it appears Morrison is very, very committed, so it'll be interesting to see what goes down.