Are we there yet?

mind

I went on it the other day to look up who-knows-what, and the message popped up. I have donated in the past (and feel pretty good about myself for it), but I wasn’t feeling particularly charitable this time around and, with a tiny pang of guilt, promptly clicked on the tiny cross in the corner.

Here’s a link to donate should you like to do so. I plan to become a regular donor myself once I’m on a payroll. ‘No money in, no money out’ is my motto of the day. Until I find myself a job, I’m not going to add to the financial commitments I already have.

You see, I can be pretty sensible if I want to.

Talking about being sensible, I’m taking proofreading jobs again. Since I have time on my hands, I figured I might as well. I’m not doing it purely for the money though. I like reading other people’s writing. It’s fascinating to see how different minds operate and express themselves. Also, it satisfies my urge to correct every little grammatical mistake I see. I have the itch every time someone asks me ‘just to comment’ on a text and not proofread it. *shudders*

I’m in the middle of writing a long post for my other blog. These long posts take a long time to write. Since they’ll go on my Featured Content page, I want to make sure I’m absolutely happy with them. Feel free to check the other featured ones out if you want to – they are my babies, my pride and joy.

So what am I doing writing this instead? To be frank, I lost my train of thought. I had finally come up with the first paragraph (always the hardest part), and sentences were flowing from my fingertips – all was well and good. Until I decided to take a break to have a read-through. When I came back to the text editor, I had lost my train.

This happens to me from time to time. Something I’m hoping writing more will help me avoid. (That’s actually the reason behind this diary blog: to get me writing more often.) But in the meantime, I’ll take this opportunity to condense and organise my thoughts on the post a bit more. I’m sure the next sentence will come to me in a shower; that seems to be when I’m my most creative self. I’ve heard similar comments from other writers/creative people. It must have something to do with the body being relaxed and the mind released from the mundane tasks that usually occupy it. I wonder if anyone has ever done a study on the effects of being in a shower on our creative impulse and/or subconscious. Hmm…

I love how random this blog allows me to be. *happy sigh*

OK – I think that’s enough writing for today. Time for Big Bang Theory! As they say, you can’t write if you don’t read. Or watch Big Bang Theory.

It’s my last week in Bangkok before I jet off to London, where my final undergraduate exams will begin in less than a month. *shivers* Given this imminent departure, I’ve tried to schedule in seeing all my good friends this past and coming week. And since I can’t do two things at once, I’ve had to revise my priorities list from 25th March.

To be completely honest, though, in my head, the priorities seem to be: revise, revise, revise. At some point this week, I suddenly realised that I’ve officially entered the final stretch of revision.

It’s funny. The middle stretch never arrived. One day I was in my early stretch (25th March would be one of those days), then suddenly I was in the final stretch. There doesn’t seem to be a middle stage where you’re just revising merrily along. You’re either super cool and collected, thinking ‘I’m way ahead. I started so early’, or a wreck of nerves, with ‘OMG I’M NEVER GOING TO FINISH REVISING IN TIME. THERE’S LESS THAN A MONTH LEFT‘ on repeat in your puny, overworked, and overstressed brain (which pretty much describes the me of the past week).

My solution for this surge in anxiety has been to exercise like mad. I’ve gone to the gym more often this week than any other week. Having my imminent departure as an excuse to spend more time with friends also helps. The exercise and the company distract me from the stress of revision, but the latter is never far from my mind.

I wonder what it’ll be like once I arrive in London. I can already foresee my stress levels shoot right up. It’s a good thing I’ve got that Lake District trip planned. God knows I could use some away time to clear my head.

On the other hand, though, it’s four whole days where I won’t be able to revise. And there’s a lot you can revise in four days.

This is really not a productive train of thought, so I’m going to stop myself there.

Objectively, I’ve done a lot this week: substantial revision progress was made, visa was acquired, friends were met, body was subject to rigorous exercise. I just don’t feel like it.

And that’s the problem.

It’s all in your mind. It’s all in my mind.

If only the mind were easier to tame.

Maybe I should start meditating.

But now I should get started on that French exercise, so I have time to wash my car before it gets dark (and the mosquitoes come out to play).

Thanks for reading,

Val

p.s. I meant to write a post about how flexibility and duty are inherently incompatible concepts. I’m not sure what happened. I started writing and this came out.

p.p.s. This is quite therapeutic. I should really write about more substantial things though, more concrete topics, with analysis and insight. And there goes the over-exigent mind again.