EXPOSED: Barack Obama Slept With One Of Malia’s Friends

Barack Obama must have thought sending his daughter off to Harvard was just like when he went off to college. In many ways, it has been. Malia has been caught drinking, smoking weed, selling drugs and making out in public with known scumbag rappers. He must have figured since her college experience was so much like his own, that he could go have some fun, too.

A student living in Malia’s dorm went to Radar Online with a story they declined because it was far too unbelievable. When she contacted us, she had collected a few more details that made what happened in Malia’s dorm room last weekend absolutely true:

“He was there with Sasha to see iof she might want to go to Harvard. Malia took Sasha out for the night and I heard, over and over again, her Dad having sex with Nariq Fassad. I was able to snap a picture of the goons he had stationed outside the door.”

Fariq Nassad is a friend of Malia’s in his sophomore year. He’s at Harvard on a student visa from Pakistan. A devout and “peaceful” Muslim, or so his application says, Nassad would be risking an eternity in Muslim hell right beside Obama. The picture of the agents outside the door, which we have confirmed are Obama’s top Secret Service bodyguards, seals the deal. The time, 2:11 AM, corroborates the story, as the Obama girls were caught on video at a 24-hour Denny’s at 3 AM.

Nassad’s roommate confirmed that he had left to go meet Malia’s little sister but that he texted later to say they never caught up:

“He said he had found someone to hang with for the night and not to disturb him, which ius odd, because it’sd what he tells other people when we have sex.”

Apparently, Obama would still fit in great at Harvard with all the gay sex going on. We’re expecting no response from Barack’s husband, Michael, as they sweep it under the rug and allow their sham marriage to continue raking in millions.

***UPDATE*** The image of the security guards will not load and has been scrubbed from our server by outside sources. We didn’t remove it.

Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.

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sat·ire ~ˈsaˌtī(ə)r

noun

the use of humor, irony, exaggeration, OR ridicule to expose and criticize people’s stupidity or vices, particularly in the context of contemporary politics and other topical issues.

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