Shed the Superman Cape: Five Steps to Build Credibility by David Benzel

Superman is a super hero due to his many super powers However, even with all of his strengths, Superman has vulnerability – Kryptonite – meaning Superman is not perfect. He has a flaw. And in spite of this weakness, Superman’s credibility is beyond reproach.

The greatest temptation parents face today is a desire to appear infallible to their children. To be perceived as perfect, flawless, and invincible seems like the perfect image. Perhaps you wonder, “Why would my kids trust and follow me if I’m flawed and vulnerable?” Consequently parents get caught up in a game of being right, or at least act as if they’re always right. “Because I said so” is the ultimate answer given to save face. The irony is that children know that parents aren’t perfect. Attempts to create the illusion of perfection, just takes away from whatever credibility was there in the first place.

How to Build Credibility without Being Bullet ProofThe answer is found in being real, or authentic. Parents have several key opportunities to demonstrate their genuineness to their children.

1. Honor others, not yourself. Shining a light on the accomplishments of others has many benefits. It provides reinforcement of the behaviors you want to see in your family. It also teaches everyone the habit of honoring others. If parents spend time boasting about themselves, they create a climate where it’s accepted. Soon children will duplicate the practice of slapping their own backs. When parents sincerely edify those around them, they themselves are elevated in the minds of their children.

2. Become a learner, not a judge. Asking good questions may be the single most significant skill for a parent to learn. Somewhere in our development we become an answer-giving machine; all-knowing, all-seeing and certain-of-everything. It’s as if any hesitation or inquiry indicates incompetence, and that’s unthinkable. Every situation in family life presents parents with two options: 1) Jump to a conclusion, then judge, or 2) Ask a good question, then learn. Credible parents are learners who ask, listen and then decide.

3. State conclusions tentatively. . After gathering information for a decision, it seems natural for moms and dads to blurt out the answer and give a command: “I’ve made up my mind; -- go do it my way.” However, parents who trust the opinions of their children use a different delivery. Stating your conclusions tentatively leaves the door open for other unknown facts or opinions. When parents overstate a position it leaves no room for other points of view. When you say, “My experience has me leaning toward this decision unless there’s something I’m not aware of,” your credibility is enhanced by your openness to feedback from other family members.

4. Admit not knowing the answers. Since no one has all the answers or all the information, admitting that you don’t know an answer does not make you incompetent. Making up incorrect answers just to appear smart will most often backfire. Knowing how and where to get answers is more valuable and beneficial for the entire family. “I don’t have that answer yet, but I know where to go looking for it” is an important phrase for moms and dads to demonstrate, and for kids to learn.

5. Apologize for mistakes or poor judgments. . Have you ever noticed the look of relief – and maybe surprise – on a child’s face when an adult apologizes for a mistake? Once a child learns that you are a parent who takes personal responsibility for your decisions – especially if that includes an apology – your credibility soars. It takes strength and courage to admit mistakes to your spouse and children, but the end result is stronger relationships.

Parents shed their Superman cape when they exhibit authenticity in each of these five key areas. The illusion of perfection fades away, and in its place is a REAL parent who is aware of their true human condition – flawed and vulnerable, but ready to learn lessons and move on. If you were child, which kind of parent would you choose to follow?

Upcoming Highlights

US Figure Skating Championships Includes Growing Champions for Life

The 2013 Prudential U S Figure Skating Championships will be held at the CenturyLink Center in Omaha, from January 19–27, 2013. Medals will be awarded in men’s singles, ladies singles, pair skating, and ice dancing for the senior, junior and novice levels. David Benzel and Growing Champions for Life have been invited to present workshops for parents and athletes at the Team USA Prep Seminar. The topic will be “Creating a High Performance Family Environment”. “US Figure Skating makes a strong commitment to growing healthy families through their sport” commented Benzel.

Resources to Tap:

The Happiness Advantage by Shawn AchorIn The Happiness Advantage, Shawn Achor, who spent over a decade living, researching, and lecturing at Harvard University, explains how we can reprogram our brains to become more positive in order to gain a competitive edge at work.

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A must-read for everyone trying to excel in a world of increasing workloads, stress, and negativity, The Happiness Advantage isn’t only about how to become happier at work. It’s about how to reap the benefits of a happier and more positive mind-set to achieve the extraordinary in our work and in our lives. Click Here to order.

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