Remember the briefcase indicator in the 90s? CNBC cameras would follow then-Fed chairman Alan Greenspan on his way to Federal Open Market Committee meetings and speculate on the state of the economy based on how his briefcase looked. As Greenspan recounts in Age of Turbulence:

If my briefcase was thin, the theory went, then my mind was untroubled and economy was well. But if it was stuffed full, it meant I’d been burning the midnight oil and a rate hike loomed. (For the record, the briefcase indicator was not accurate. The fatness of my briefcase was solely a function of whether I’d packed my lunch.)

Once you get over the shock of discovering we must all be — at the very least — in our thirties in this here newsroom, we invite you to delight in a bit of good news. CNBC is still at it! … Continue Reading

“There are two prevailing claims: a) our desire is greater when the object is real and attainable; b) our desire is greater when the object is imaginary and unattainable,” says Ben-Zeév. “Which claim is correct? Do we desire the one we have more than we desire the one we imagine having?”

The answer is simple: we want both.

The real, as he points out, is more intense.

“A very strong event, which may be quite relevant to our well-being, may not provoke excitement if we succeed in considering it as fantasy,” he says. “Thus, despite the horrifying impact of a potential nuclear holocaust, many people do not allow this to upset them, since they do not consider the event to be a real possibility.”

So the real is tangible–right there where you can see it–and possibly attainable. Onto it we project the fantasy elements.

“In contrast to how we feel about what we already have, we are typically excited by anything that is incomplete, unsettled, unexplained, or uncertain,” Ben-Zeév says. “When the situation becomes stable and normal, there is no reason for the mental system to be on the alert and to invest further resources.”

So basically to be desirable, one must exist but be sufficiently unknown to enable others to impose their own ideas on us. Oh, but there one more thing–attainability.

“This factor is one of the features of reality. Something that is attainable is real in the ontological sense–it is not merely a fantasy but is rather something that exists and that could be experienced immediately,” Ben-Zeév adds. “However, something that is attainable needs no attention since it is likely to be perceived as being granted already. On the other hand, incomplete experiences, which are a kind of unfinished business, are more desirable because, among other aspects, they require more effort to be invested in them, which can cause them to be perceived as more worthy. Hence, those who play hard to get often make themselves more desirable.”

But you can’t be too unavailable. Ben-Zeév warns: “When the required effort is too immense and the probability of its success is low, people may give up the idea… At a certain point, an increase in the required effort decreases emotional intensity since people begin to believe that the outcome for which effort is being invested is actually unattainable and hence unreal.”

IQ is all to do with your head and the meeting of minds. You could have two incredibly intellectual sparky people who know how to stimulate each other with a fantastic debate, but this in no way means they have what it takes for a long-term relationship. To have a successful relationship, you have to have a developed EQ which is emotional empathy and a respect for each other’s feelings.

The logic of emotions is different to the logic of thoughts. With a high IQ, we are often so headstrong that we over-ride what our heart is feeling. We essentially silence our emotions. Without the engagement of the head and the heart, relationships are not a safe place to be, but the bright woman is headstrong enough to tell herself that she will be able to make this work.

Often, people with a high IQ lack a genuine sense of self-acceptance which leads to a very tortured mental existence and constant mental self-flagellation. Your IQ might mean you are prone to being more judgmental than normal, and, therefore, you have more fear and anxiety in relationships than the average person. In general terms, it means that having a higher IQ doesn’t help you make better emotional decisions.

[You] try to approach love like they approach their careers–as an academic exercise. Sometimes you’ve got to drop your cast-iron pride and be willing to admit you’ve got it entirely wrong for Mr Right to show up at all.

Don’t be too quick; too quick to dismiss someone because they don’t know who ruled the Byzantine Empire, or too quick to give yourself entirely to someone just because they laughed at your joke.

Don’t be too dominant or competitive because that leads to short-term safety and long-term boredom. Finally, develop your EQ. Learn to have emotional strength which is about yielding, surrender, openness and a willingness to be vulnerable.

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That Steam allows the objectification and sexualization of female characters in a variety of its games but refuses to accept a game about actually engaging with women in a more interactive fashion is astonishingly backward.

That the site doesn’t take measures to protect user content and has shown incompetence or negligence in regard to user privacy, all the while prohibiting victims from warning others about predatory behavior creates an environment where it is nearly impossible for members of the community to take care of themselves and one another. By enabling FetLife to continue espousing a code of silence, allowing the spinning self-created security issues as “attacks,” and not pointing out how disingenuous FetLife statements about safety are, we are allowing our community to become a breeding ground for exploitation.

Should people who benefit (parents, siblings, children, roommates!) from the earnings of “commercial sex acts” (any sexual conduct connected to the giving or receiving of something of value) be charged with human trafficking? Should someone who creates obscene material that is deemed “deviant” be charged as with human trafficking? Should someone who profits from obscene materials be charged with human trafficking? Should people transporting obscene materials be charged with human trafficking? Should a person who engages in sex with someone claiming to be above the age of consent or furnishing a fake ID to this effect be charged with human trafficking? What if I told you the sentences for that kind of conviction were eight, 14 or 20 years in prison, a fine not to exceed $500,000, and life as a registered sex offender?

If you are a woman, you might be given a chance to prove yourself in this community. Since there is no standard definition of what a “geek” is and it will vary from one judge to the next anyway, chances of failing are high (cake and grief counseling will be available after the conclusion of the test!). If you somehow manage to succeed, you’ll be tested again and again by anyone who encounters you until you manage to establish yourself like, say, Felicia Day. But even then, you’ll be questioned. As a woman, your whole existence within the geek community will be nothing but a series of tests — if you’re lucky. If you aren’t lucky, you’ll be harassed and threatened and those within the culture will tacitly agree that you deserve it.

Zak’s original field, it turns out, is economics, a far cry from the hearts and teddy bears we imagine when we consider his nickname. But after performing experiments on generosity, Zak stumbled on the importance of trust in interactions, which led him, rather inevitably, to research about oxytocin. Oxytocin, you might remember, is a hormone that has been linked previously to bonding — between mothers and children primarily, but also between partners. What Zak has done is take the research a step further, arguing in his recent book, The Moral Molecule, that oxytocin plays a role in determining whether we are good or evil.

Let’s talk about the strippers. Whether they like to be half-naked or not, whether they enjoy turning you on or not, there’s one thing they all have in common: they’re working. Whether you think that taking one’s clothes off for money is a great choice of career is really beside the point (is it a possibility for you to make $500 per hour at your job without a law degree? Just asking). These women are providing fantasy, yes, but that is their job. And as a patron of the establishment where they work, you need to treat them like you would anyone else who provides a service to you.

About

Sex and the 405 is what your newspaper would look like if it had a sex section.

Here you’ll find news about the latest research being conducted to figure out what drives desire, passion, and other sex habits; reviews of sex toys, porn and other sexy things; coverage of the latest sex-related news that have our mainstream media's panties up in a bunch; human interest pieces about sex and desire; interviews with people who love sex, or hate sex, or work in sex, or work to enable you to have better sex; opinion pieces that relate to sex and society; and the sex-related side of celebrity gossip. More...