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So Here's What's Been Up OR A Family At War

So the past month or two have been extremely... interesting. On the more mundane Front, I'm embroiled in a political battle to get the Administrative Position at the Cafeteria. The School's Payroll Lady has the Superintendent's ear and has been working (Using dirty DIRTY tactics mind you) behind the scene's to ensure that her niece gets the position (the last 8 hires at the school have either been members of this person's family or members of her church). My Grandmother has been in the hospital for weeks, had her colon removed and is STILL not out of there yet.

And that brings us to the important subject. The War of the Wills. To Start I'm gonna have to give a brief family tree/breakdown of my Dad's side of the family.

His parent's (my grandparents) are old hillbilly southerners... the kind of people that call the average a=African American male "That Nigraman" Not out of racism or hate but because that's how things used to be done. Good skoal chewin' ignorant salt of the earth. Well They had five Children....

The Five:
Yvonne - the oldest... one of the most wealthy. She's the conniver and feels that it's her right to rule the family.
Anne- basically a miserable old woman that likes to bitch about everything
Jeanette - My cousin Jeff's Mom.... she means well. mildly ignorant sometimes but pretty good people.
Freddie Paul - My Dad. Salt of the Earth... Good Man.
Billy Ray - The baby. He's a grizzled old trucker and now that his wife is dead, he's hookin up with 17-18 year old girls. Not a bad guy. Bit of a temper.

Then there are the Grandchildren... There are Nine of us.

The Nine:

Spawn of Yvonne:
Sharon - Oldest of the Grandchildren, used to think she was alright. Current Events have altered that opinion somewhat. Marries to Dennis (who gets his own special section)
Kim - Still decent people for the most part, even though she's on Team Evil Hasn;t spoken to her sons in years (my cousins Joseph and Jonathon - Good people)
Amy -A bitch. I THINK she holds the record for most marriages but it's close. She's Yvonne's factions pitbull.

Spawn of Anne:
Shon - A Pawn of the others. He's a kleptomaniac and has some real issues. Currently working off to pay a huge debt to stay out of prison. Anne gave him up for the most part when he was little and my Grandparents raised him. In Two of the Wills he gets their house.
Shane - Mostly forgettable and doesn't have much impact in the story. At least so far. His family has currently taken over Anne's house however and she lives in the living room instead of her bedroom. Her clothes are on wires stretched across the room.

Spawn of Jeanette:
Jeff - closest thing I have to a brother. Not Perfect but generally Good People.

Spawn of Freddie Paul:
Qoorl - Loveable caveman. Due to being born at least five years apart from the rest of the Nine I was sort of a black sheep. The Grandparents never had much to do with me.

Spawn of Billy Ray:
Tammy - Pretty decent people. In the running with Amy for most marriages.
Tina - Also decent. Moved away and has nothing to do with most of this tale. Also in the much marriage club.

Special Spousal Mention:
Dennis - Husband of Sharon. Disturbingly friendly and nice to me, but a verifiable psycopath. Kidnapped Tammy when she was around 4, pushed my dad down, pinned his wife to the garage wall with the CAR when she was going to leave him, was almost murdered by Billy Ray. Looks like the old redneck version of a douche.

So that's the little cast of players (not including spouses who do play parts here) Next post I'll get to the meat of the War of the Wills.

Here we go... So in the interest of making a sweeping epic ( I do think I'm gonna change up some names and novelize the shit out of this) short enough to read in a sitting...

Grandfather died... it was said, fast forward a few years. My grandmother (who was never spry in my opinion) becomes basically bedridden. She stays at her home with a nurse (Actually Shon's second wife) for a while. Yvonne and Anne run her finances (Primarily Yvonne but Anne isn't entirely innocent). Eventually she begins to lose her grip on reality. She's convinced that Shon and his Wife are planning to murder her, and she (and they) think the living room is haunted by the ghost of my grandfather, so that room goes unused. And So My Grandmother moves in with Sharon. Well during this time the Five decide to split up the family land (since they're going to be given it in the will anyways) They get a surveyor out, divide it up and get deeds. Well Yvonne didn't clear this with Medicaid and so they threaten to take everything. Yvonne calls an emergency meeting and everyone has to deed the land back. (Wasting a chunk of everyone's money in the process) Well during this time Yvonne has Mamaw's Will. And she refuses to let anyone see it. Over her dead body in fact. This causes some problems of course, and the rest of the Five rise against her and they all agree to write another will before Mamaw can;t do it anymore. (by this point she is pretty much completely bonkers) This effort was mostly spearheaded by Jeanette's husband and Jeff (Yvonne's family's mortal enemies) but with full support from my Dad and Billy Ray, and with begrudging support from Anne (who wants Shon to get the house, which he should because he's lived there his whole life) So the Five go into the lawyers office, work everything up. He doesn't want to do it because Mamaw doesn't seem to be in her right mind. He agrees however because All the recipients of the regular Will are in agreement. Yvonne, Anne, and all the rest agree. They write out the new will and sign everything. The lawyer appoints my dad as executor. This is a pretty shrewd move since Daddy doesn't HATE any of the others (at this point at least. He was also the only one without ulterior motives) In the new will, Four of the Five get divided portions of land (Anne withdraws instead, allowing her Son to get the one acre with the house on it). Boom Everything is settled neatly. After Mamaw passes everyone can part ways more or less happily and never speak to one another again.

Time passes, my grandmother deteriorates faster. She begins to hear dog's talk and her leg falls off... Yes fuckin FALLS off. (Well they had to get skin away but still...) eventually and sadly she passes. There's a funeral. It seems to be going well enough, Amy tries to start shit early on and the preacher praises Sharon and Dennis in his final words a lot more than he actually talks about my Grandmother (I've since stopped going to that church for the most part). WEll it's all well and good. Jeff and his parents prepare to go back to Arkansas. They don't know when they'll be back so Jeanette calls Yvonne to get a ring of my grandmothers that was promised to her. (It was settled earlier on that whatever people were promised would be given to them. The Executor has the main say on who gets what of course) SHe calls Yvonne of course, because Yvonne kept track of my grandmother's personal property (and financial status). Well Amy cusses her out and Jeff gets on the phone... he talks to Sharon who explains to him that no one can be given anything until the NEW will has been read.

At this point you may be thinking... WHAAAAAAAAt? But we're given a copy of the new will. The will that was made a week after the agreed upon will.. in secret, including a doctor's note signed saying that Mamaw was in her right mind to whip up another will. Yes friends, Sharon went behind everyone's backs and made a new SECRET Will, naming herself as Executrix (Legal minded readers may realize that Executrix is an outdated term but she INSISTS on using it.) The family is told if they shouldn't contact her about anything (Which is one of the primary duties of the Executor) but should instead call the lawyer's office.

Sharon did not make the will, her mother did after being cleared by a "doctor," in U.S. law it's legal because the mother can do whatever she wants with her own will if "stable." The only course of action the family can take is fighting the validity of the "doctor's professional opinion" that the mother was mentally able and stable to re-write the will. This means loads of lawyers and money.

Your an absolutely wonderful man, any girl that is yours is lucky and I know that from personal experience. ~KMT

its not "the us legal system." im sure thats true everywhere. the property owner surely has the legal right to change her will without consulting anyone other than herself, if she is deemed medically sound of mind.

"I'll go," said Chagataev. "But what will I do there? Build socialism?"
"What else?" said the secretary.

As for why they hate each other... well I'm not sure on the details. The Lee's (Yvonne and her spawn) think the Davis's (Jeff's family) are know it all's and they don't live around here. Shon...well I think people either pity him or see him as a tool more than anything else. He's a little fucked up. In High School, he went up to Arkansas to visit Jeff, stole a bunch of Jeff's Dad's playboys as well as Jeff's High School Year Book. They eventually found the playboys and the yearbook BUT, Shon had scratched out Jeff's name everywhere and put in his own... like in places where people had written notes on the cover and such. Like "Hey Jeff, Had a great Year, Hope your summer is radical" or whatever now read "Hey Shon, Had a great Year, Hope your summer is radical." He got in trouble for stealing around 50,000 dollars in copper from his workplace (He only stole 10,000 or so worth but once he was caught no one else was gonna fess up) so he's currently paying off a massive debt to society.

SO anyway, Jeanette's husband Paul talked to a lawyer and they found out there wasn't much they could do. So eventually everyone decided they were just gonna let things go the way they were gonna go. HOWEVER, a lot of people had questions for Sharon's lawyer. Every time someone called, that raised the bill. No one can get their land or possessions until the lawyer gets paid. According to Sharon Mamaw didn't have ANY money when she died. Zero. (As an aside, we get our power through Pearl River Power Company. It's sort of a nonprofit thing, they used people's payments to invest and run the company. When you stop getting power through them they cut you a check based on the number of years you used their services.)

So the problem of paying the lawyer had to be decided. HE suggested that we all take her stuff that wasn't specifically in the will and the family could bid on it, and pay into a pool to pay him off. Well everyone decided that would be allright. So Jeff and them come down from Arkansas on a weekend. Specifically to do this. Everyone gathers over at Mamaw's house. Now as grandchildren, we weren't really expected to be there. I stayed home and watched Jeff's kid and mine, Jeff stayed in his car for the meeting. At first. First thing of note was that ALL of Yvonne's kids (Sharon, Kim, and Amy) were there, poking around the house. And once everyone gathers Sharon tells them that they aren't here to auction anything off. Not until everyone signs waivers giving up their right to contest anything else about the will. Jeanette, Paul (her husband) and my Dad aren;t having any of that so they just say "okay, we'll just let it go to court" well as they start to leave, Amy comes up and punches Aunt Jeanette in the face and bends her hands back. (Jeanette has pretty much debilitating arthritis in her hands) Well the cops were called and the meeting fails to accomplish anything. There's a bit more, and I'll get to that later.

fun fact: in my will i am bequeathing my friend my head so he can stuff it and use it as an ornament for his house, and vice versa in case he dies first. i think this is a cool arrangement. we should have some arrangement like this pd

They eventually found the playboys and the yearbook BUT, Shon had scratched out Jeff's name everywhere and put in his own... like in places where people had written notes on the cover and such. Like "Hey Jeff, Had a great Year, Hope your summer is radical" or whatever now read "Hey Shon, Had a great Year, Hope your summer is radical."

thats awfully disturbing

"I'll go," said Chagataev. "But what will I do there? Build socialism?"
"What else?" said the secretary.

Consideration of the storyteller's permission gives me the ability to avoid scandal later if it's ever found out where this originated from, therefore allowing me to avoid any intellectual property suits or defamation charges by the family members! Come on Timmy, it's intellectual property ethics 101.

That being said, I live in Canada and Qoorl's family lives in the US, so I don't really have to worry about it.

me niether kirby. it just makes me sad/angry/ sad agian. i have a grand mother who has been very mentally ill my entire life time. She would do bat shit crazy things when she stopped taking her meds. It made me very sad thinking about it. Becuase you can't blame the person, because they aren't themselves. All you can do is be mad at god/gods/nothing/everything. Which is very counterproductive, and leads to more anguish and despair. Its a shitty circle.