I will go to God

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The stars shone more brightly then ever before and the moon hung ever so high in the majesticly black sky. I could hear laughter in the background and crying in the foreground. My mind was clouded and my palms a bright red from the bitter cold.

It seemed like just yesterday I had sat with him laughing and smiling. I could still hear the slight crackle or his perfectly creased shirts, and smell the sweet aromas of cologne and dryer sheets. I remembered the brightness in his eyes and his glowing personality. I could hear his sweet voice and his assuring words. But now he was gone. It was only hours after I said goodbye, laid a single rose upon the ground, and watched his casket slowly fade into the deep earth tones. I was confused, numb, and deeply depressed. He had been my mentor, my guide. He had been my life.

The days went by ever so slowly and the nights were never ending. I kneeled beside my bed and prayed each night while drowning in my tears. I was lost without him, and felt as if I had no reson to live anymore. I was standing on the edge.

Finally it came time for me to clean out his belongings. I was going through albums and dresser drawers in his bedroom when I found a small white book and on the cover was a tiny angel with his initials inscribed. It looked as if he had sketched them in himself. I opened the book and began to flip through the pages. Page after page there were prayers and inscriptions from the bible. As I put the book down a small folded piece of paper fell out. I opened it and read it. It was a list of names he had written himself. It was in two or three tones of blue pen and had been folded and unfolded several times. On this piece of paper were his “thank-yous”. He had made a list of all the people who had made a difference in his life and who he cared about. Reading the names and inscriptions I felt the tears flow down my cheeks. At the bottom of the list it read: “These people have shown me the way through the toughest of times, but most of all I must thank God. For without him I would not have these people. When I get to heaven I will go to God and ask Him to watch over you all. I know He will be proud to stand next to you all when it is your time. Enjoy every minute of your time on Earth. Live through God.”

With this I put the paper back into the book and finished packing things up. For the first time int he past month I smiled. I knew he was safe and he would be watching over us. And I learned to live through God, Our Savior.