Child Learns Crochet

I had the pleasure of meeting a 10 year old boy yesterday. While visiting the Spinrite Factory Outlet, he came up to me and said, “I know you, I watch your videos!”

So I asked him what he is working on and he had a plastic shopping bag with a WIP inside plus a few finished dishcloths. He has been following the Tunisian Series that I taught for Yarnspirations.

So I asked him questions about his project. Trust me when I tell you think, his Tunisian Dishcloths were really super. Fabulous stitchwork… he’s got it down pat.

He explained me while learning his edges kept going narrow to big but he mastered his tension and figured it all out. He’s now selling his dishcloths.

The Back Story

Afterwards, I asked further about this young man. Turns out, the boy has been diagnosed with ADHD. Doctors have prescribed medications for it. He was difficult to manage and any parent that understands exactly what this means, knows it’s tough on the child plus the family.

The young man expressed interest in learning crochet on a whim. I’m unsure if he saw me doing, as a guy, that it peaked his interest. His mom said to herself, “If he wants to learn, there’s no harm in that.” Partially learning the basics from his mother and using my videos as an aid to help him expand his skills.

He recently picked up the Tunisian skills based on our series in June.

He’s been described as a completely different child today verses a year ago. The store hosted some free learning workshops that he sat in on. Though he was struggling with the knitting, he had a breakdown during the class because it just wasn’t coming natural to him. Instead of giving up, he decided to keep on with the crochet and then Tunisian gave him the skills that has a cross of knitting and crochet.

The child has learned focus, motor skills, a bit of math and has an amazing sense of accomplishment. He has the ability to exercise his creativity with the encouragement of his mom. To have him settle down and focus has been extraordinary.

In a world where ware constantly blasted with stimulants such as TV, electronics and we have the sense of everything has to be delivered immediately as patience is so difficult to manage.

I was reflecting this morning with Diva Dan. My mom would have described me as a hyper kid. However, the idea of arts and crafts where a major part of my childhood. Maybe my mom realized back then that sitting down and doing crafts with us allowed us to focus and have a sense of accomplishment that she would feel when she finished items. My mother would quilt, sew doll cloths, knit and crochet. She was bi-craftual. Today, my mother doesn’t participate in any crafts.

Final Thought

As a disclaimer. I’m not saying that Crochet will solve behavioral issues in children. I’m relaying this story because I strongly believe that creativity in children must be encouraged. While it has been nearly removed from the education system. I wonder out loud, maybe if the level of creativity was increased in schools that the children of today would react differently and be easier to manage.

When I was in primary school. One of the after school activities was cancelled that I really enjoyed. It was hosted by our teacher. I remember the teacher telling us that they were not paid for the time after school to spend with us and the program had to be cancelled. That was that, game over. Though I get that finances are an issue for the educational system, it just really sad when the educational system cannot recognize the teachers who would like to contribute to programs like this, giving them bonuses or incentive programs for going above and beyond.

Personal Thought

I was a step parent for 5 years. We were having issues with one of the kids with really poor grades. I got the permission of the school to secretly visit the class while class was half way through. I walked in the door and my jaw hit the ground.

Though the teacher was teaching and going on about getting better grades. She was teaching but most of the class were talking to each other not even faced forward. You can tell the teacher had given up on the class and from what I saw, I didn’t blame her one bit. She has no power and for the kids that want to learn, they have no hope.

My own step-child was sitting in class listening to his iPod with both ear pieces in. He wasn’t the only one. As soon as he seen me. He swallowed the gum he is not allowed to chew in class. He instantly pulled his ear phones out and opened his book. He was surrounded by a group of students doing the same thing. He was to have a paper written by the end of the class. With only 10 minutes to go. Absolutely nothing was produced.

At the end of the class, he and I talked in the hallway. He cried with embarrassment that I had shown up. His words carved one of the biggest emotional wounds in me. (I’m started to cry as I reflect on this because it hurt me so much). *wipes tears away*

He was like my own child, though I was a step parent. He said, “Now all of the kids are going to know I have gay dads!” as he walked away. I was left so hurt and I know kids can say really mean things. We adults can say mean things too. It goes both ways.

My concern was for his educational well-being as I foresee that many of the students in our region leave school before finishing. I wanted to give him the very best so he starts off right as an young adult.

My relationship with my partner was already on very rocky ground. This is my blog and I can be honest. I realized in that very moment that I cannot change who I am and be a different person for him. My relationship finished 2 months later and I went my own way. It wasn’t a result of of the child, but the differences my partner and I had developed over the years. Our time was finished and we both needed to move on.

After this experience, I vowed that I never wanted to be a step parent again. It was one of the hardest experiences of my life. I don’t want to have another child directly involved in my life where my presence needs to be disguised to prevent the child from being bullied or abused at school over who I am. The abuse in today’s schools from bullying is undeniable and everyone in the house feels it.

He was 13 when I went my own way and my new chapter with Diva Dan started. Fast forward to today and the child is now 20. He ended doing okay. He said he appreciated my what I did for him as a child.

15 thoughts on “Child Settles Down After Learning Crochet”

I love your page Mickey , thank you for all of your hard work for all of us Hookers. I’m a mother of 6 girls and a stepparent to one boy on the Autism spectrum. My girls have all been taught to knit, crochet, sew and cook. My 16 year old twins still knit , my 19year old still sews , my 20 year old Lesbian daughter can knit but doesn’t, the 21 year old has a one year old and doesn’t find time but still loves to do crafts with her step children, and the 17 year old still knits to keep herself calm and focused.
So reading this article I am of the thought that this would benefit my son. He wouldn’t try crochet of anything before as he said it’s only for girls. I’ll show him this and hopefully he’ll give it a go.
One of my twins is working on a Ponpom wool blanket. She buys a few balls every year and knits them into big rectangles. She wants to make it big enough for a king size bed that will hang on the floor. But she likes the accomplishment of finishing a rectangle.
My other twin has started the same thing , but with a soft Chanel wool. She has less patience and is only halfway through her first rectangle. She has finished scarves and baby blankets before.
I knit and crochet for family and friends all the time because it keeps me busy and my husband says that I’m obsessed with yarn . At the moment I am working on a Mandala blanket for my parents as they are retiring in November and are going to be traveling around Australia. I am also knitting a Hooded pullover for my son. He wanted his nickname and 02 on the back like a football jacket . He also wants me to put a superhero emblem on the front( he can’t make up his mind between Superman and Batman) . And I’m also working on a snowsuit for my grandson for next year(ran out of Ponpom wool and had to find another supplier . ) This was a pattern made up out of my head . Just need to do the sleeves.
Also am halfway through a Monster onesie for my 19 year old daughter. But I hate working with the yarn as it is Fiddlesticks faux fur , it has fibres that constantly come off on your clothes and into the air. I have to wear a paper hazmat suit and paper face mask to be able to knit with it. At the moment my husband has said no more wool/yarn until I have finished all of these projects. But what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him. Lol.
Thank you for this article, it may just help my son settle down a bit. Love your work . Love to you and Dan from Australia. Mwah!

I want to start with my name Is Chrissy, I’m almost 30 years old, I didn’t start to crochet until I was 27, and when I did it changed many things for me… I have struggled with ADHD my whole life, I can’t sit through video’s or seminars, and as a child and college student I couldn’t even sit through lectures in class… With out doodling, the teachers would get so mad, and my mom had me on every medication they could try, and nothing really worked, but my mom expressed when you let her doodle you let her draw, or scribble whatever, she remembers her grades are good, and she succeeds and that was with out medications… The district refused to allow me to attend school without the administration of medications before and during school hours…. My mom followed with it for a few years, I sturggled gaining weight, and sleeping, and she had enough at that point, and moved to another district, who encouraged me to doodle and draw as long as i kept up my grades and could participate at any given time the teacher decided to call me out, and it worked, I graduated with honors….

My son is ADHD as well, he responds well with new improved medication, which he only takes for school, and just enough to help him control himself but not make him a zombie, i never what to loose the creativity and personality my children hold, and he is very full of imagination, but that is easily lost in over medicating not something the school or myself is willing to tolerate, they only advised me of him literly not being able to stay in his seat, they didn’t even believe it was intentional….

My son can’t crochet but he loves trying we’re working on it but he is only 7, and he working on those motor skills which are a bit behind due to us not realizing his learning disabilities…

Second, I am a mother, and a step parent….
Being a Step Parent is challenging to say the least, even being straight, and I’m sure that with at least one child who don’t want other kids to realize his has gay parents would make it a bit more difficult…But here is how I look at it, as well as my Step brother, who is gay with 4 adopted children and 5 step kids! We have had many conversations about step parenting and how there are times we want to rip our hair out. But we can’t… What we can do is take a different approach than the parent, because really we have a good median we are both friend and foe. We get to be the parent when it’s a dangerous action that needs immediate correction, or there well being is at stake… We even get to be the friend who gets to keep up with the socialization… Lucky for my brother he is NOW accepted by all the the friends of the kids, and they know he his gay and they really don’t care and they don’t get picked on…. But ,u brother is a dance instructor owns his own studio and travels, he knits and crochets in his free time, and the teens love it because instead of making the beanies for them or the bags the request he has taught them HOW. and when it came to problems in school, he never approached it like a parent he would always approach it like this, if you come to me with a problem, and your talking to me and i’m chewing gum with my ear buds in or texting on my phone do you really think i’m respecting your needs? Am I taking in the problem or the knowledge your trying to share … IS THERE RESPECT in that situation being offered from me to you? the child would always correct their ways and respect the teacher after, because after all if you want a kid to respect you, you need to offer them respect as well….

Lesson is sometimes in parenting you have to wear their shoes for a minute look at it from there spot and play the card well. It’s not being ashamed of who you are but it’s understanding the place it puts them, my brother had issues with the kids at first scared of what there friends would think but kids are pretty accepting of anyone for whom they are its all in how its approached.

I LOVE the way you teach, Mikey! I am a homeschool mom of 3 (2 in college — one of which has a daughter), a piano teacher, and someone who LOVES to write manuals — I hope someday to be able to create my own patterns! I taught myself to crochet about 1 year ago, and found your videos when I taught my God-daughter to crochet. You are so thorough that I go back and watch your very beginning videos to catch all the “little secrets” that make things easier — years of personal knowledge and knowledge you’ve aquired from others. I love the fact that you teach in a way all types of learners can learn. Basically, I appreciate all of the effort you put in to gathering you ideas, thoughts, and organizing them before you do your videos!

Our youngest son is very high functioning autisic – on the Ashburger’s spectrum. Now that he is 14 he seems to be having some adjustment issues since we moved to Florida from Pennsylvania. He seems more overstimulated than usual. This article has given me the idea to add crochet and/or knitting to a HomeEc Class for him. He doesn’t like when his mind is idle… there’s never anything on tv — which overstimuates him, it’s really humid outside in July & early August, so this would be the perfect time to start! We could start making Chrismtas gifts for the grandparents!

Thank you for sharing this!

I wanted to say, also, that while you may have (for a short time) upset your step-son w/the bullying in school — having someone else love him is always a blessing! This young man turned out stronger bc of the things he went through, and will continue to go through in his life. You, were also blessed by sharing a love of this child! Love is never easy or without its trouble! I totally understand why you would not want to put yourself in the position where you have to hide who you are & risk hurting a child, though! My brother is gay, and told me 1st — before my mom over 30 years ago — he’s struggled w/this same issue himself!

I wanted to ask you… I am physically disabled, and am looking to start an online business to sell some of my crochet items. What have you found would be the best way to start? I see websites like Esty and Pinterest, etc… but, I know nothing about them. I see you can start FaceBook pages, etc. I would greatly appreciate your help!!! Plus, how do you get customers to “see” what you have available to make?

I love this. I have found that teaching a child a craft does so much more than create pretty items. I use it to teach my students persistence. The students who have academic difficulty are willing to continue in their work and the ones who have always succeeded learn that they will not always succeed the first time any they also must try again. I has served as a calming tool when students have been upset and out of control. It has allowed me to connect to students because we can talk and not force eye contact. It makes them feel a little closer to their teacher because we can rave over projects we have completed and new yarns that we have found.

I have ADD, and crocheting has been a HUGE benefit for me – I’m able to sit through things like meetings that I never would have been able to before. Some say it’s rude to have it out during a meeting or Church, but I say it would be ruder to keep getting up & walking around. I just don’t let myself do it in the house because I would never get anything else done lol.

This was definitely spot-on. My stepson, who is nine, has ADHD and when he hasn’t had his medication, it SHOWS. (Sometimes even *with* his medication, it shows) It certainly doesn’t help matters that his mind revolves around video games and his mother (who my wife and I co-parent with as we (mostly) get along very well and live next door to each other) is reluctant at best to help us enforce time limits on his video game playing.

While it’s far too soon to tell if I might manage to get my stepson interested in learning how to crochet (he was in awe when I showed him some video-game-related afghans and he is in love with my current WiP), it is my hope to help him learn how to channel his seemingly endless energy into some sort of creative pursuit so that he learns on his own terms what it takes to become really good at something that isn’t a video game.

I also have a teenage stepdaughter (if you think that’s a handful, try being the (step)parent to a teenager when you’re under 30!!!) who was initially mortified at the thought of my wife appearing at her school once she learned that my wife is a representative, so to speak, of more than one letter of the LGBT+ acronym. Needless to say, how my stepdaughter reacted to such news hurt my wife greatly despite knowing and understanding that our oldest was worried about what her classmates would think, especially as we are in a conservative, rural area.

Thankfully my stepdaughter came to terms and accepted my wife for who she is (and, more importantly, realized that true friends won’t care if your family is LGBT+ as long as you’re happy and healthy and those that raise a fuss about LGBT+ people just suck), whereas after a very short adjustment period my stepson is quite happy about having three moms and says that some of his classmates are jealous that he has three moms whereas they only have one or two!

I don’t blame you in the least for vowing to never become a stepparent again. After the last serious relationship I was in before meeting my wife blew up in my face, I was utterly heartbroken not only because of the loss of the relationship but because I no longer had any tangible ties to that former partner’s children and I seriously considered not getting involved with anyone who has children.

Even though that toxic relationship ended years ago, I still care about and worry about that partner’s children…and I can tell you still care about your former partner’s child. Once you become a parent in any sense of the word (be it to a fur child, stepchild, or biological child), you don’t ever really *stop* being a parent even though you sometimes wish you could just to make the hurting stop when it comes to children no longer under your care after the end of a relationship.

I often find myself wondering what on earth I was thinking getting involved with someone who has a teenager and a hyperactive munchkin, but even on the worst days, I wouldn’t give my stepkids up for the world (even if they are royal headaches sometimes…or often :P). Of course, that is just me and my situation. It’s different for everyone, and I certainly don’t advocate any particular decision over the other possible choices as a one-size-fits-all solution. As such, I completely understand and respect your decision about never becoming a stepparent again. It’s an incredibly brave thing to admit, and I know it had to be hard to type out and put out here to all of us. *hugs*

Excellent article. My daughter is on the autistic spectrum and has dyslexia and dyspraxia plus ADHD tendencie. It took 8 years to teach her knitting but she now knits for her 2 little men and says it really helps her manage her anxiety in the evenings when they’re asleep. When she was younger she did cross stitching and would focus on small projects so she could complete in one go. I really believe in crafts as a therapy & work with adults with a variety of challenges using crafts and it’s really great seeing the way it changes lives for the better.
And I guarantee that despite what he said at the time, your stepson was made up that you loved him enough to do something about his schooling.

I, myself have been the step-child, the teacher, as well as the step-part. It is hard being the other parent. I have tried teaching my kids and grand-kids, and others kids to not see what color a person is, what sex they are, or what thie preferences are. What matters most if it is a healthy relationship and their happy, be happy along with them. If their parents are in this category, it will make the whole family a much healthier and happier place, and will strive much better than those with unhappiness wether it be man and woman…or same sex couples. So please dont let a child make it where you no longer want a child in your lives and show them the happiness you have given to all of us. I can only imagine the happiness in your home if a child were there. Mikey I love the laughter in your giggle, makes me smile each time I hear it.

BIG HUGGS to both Mikey and Dan for everything you do for all of us. I cant wait till the day I finally get to meet you both.

Very interesting article. I was curious, the young man in you article, was he put on medication? Or was the change due to the creative outlet he found in his crocheting.

As a child, my Mom would include little craft kits in our Christmas Stockings, she was a knitter and a seamstress and shared her talents with me and my 4 sisters. I believe creativity needs to be encouraged and one of the best ways to open the world of learning and sense of accomplishment in a child. Completing a project gives me a wonderful feeling of accomplishment and a boost to my self worth at the same time and it will do the same in a child.

I am rambling on and on… I simply want to say I love reading your articles and I get it… You and the Gang at The Crochet Crowd are the BEST!! Thank You for all that you do.

I have been a stepchild as well as a teacher (recently retired after 27 years), so I know how difficult those roles can be. As a teacher, I wanted to have a classroom of learning and security, which was hard to maintain because of the many demands on a teacher. Schools are just supposed to do too many things for such a varied group of individuals coming from backgrounds of poverty, neglect, abuse, hunger, etc. Basic needs are not being met at home. The social difficulties at school mirror the problems in the community’s culture.

Because you are so giving of your talents as a teacher and artist, and your willingness to communicate your experiences, you are making a difference, Mikey. You are making a difference in the lives of people of all ages and backgrounds and you will never know the full extent of that influence. Fortunately, as with the talk with that 10-year-old boy, you have occasional (and I hope encouraging) glimpses of that influence.

Here’s another example: I am helping care for an aging parent, and following the Crochet Crowd has sustained me with inspiration and mental escape.

Thanks for what you do, Mikey. Take care of yourself so you don’t burn out.

Mikey,
You and Diva Dan have so much to offer that I find it heartrending that you are, may I say, afraid, to allow a child into your lives. However, the stigma of having two same sex parents is not the same today as it was then. I believe the show, Glee, aided that immensely with having one of their main characters have two dads and everyone was okay with it. A lot of children need guidance, but mostly what they need is a loving parent or better yet two. I was a single mother during my child’s growing up years and I made a ton of mistakes but he has turned out to be one of the kindest, warmest human beings I know. So don’t say never and don’t close yourself off to the possibilities of giving some of that extraordinary talent and love that you give to us, to a mini-Mikey. or mini-Mikette. *L* You are fabulous and don’t ever forget that.

(Y) Bullying has been around for eons, only because of easier communication, more know of it. Each person has special learning needs, we are not assembly line products. You have a gift, thank you for sharing pieces of your life with all of us. See you in your next blog. <3

I found this post to be very enlightening. I am glad that you shared both stories, that of the young boy who found a way, through crochet, to focus and learn with something that brings him joy, and your own story of being a step-parent. Both show the level of nurturing, caring, and love that comes with raising good kids.

I find it sad that teachers are being taught that they have no control and shouldn’t develop healthy relationships with their students. Kids are being taught that bullying is ok if the other kids is “different” (as in the case of your step-son) and that there isn’t anything the bullied can do about it. Parents are being taught that they have no say in how their child(ren) is being educated.

I do enjoy reading your posts from time to time, seeing what others are making, and the patterns that you share (I’ve shared many of them with my crochet guild and my friends on FB). Keep up the great work of sharing crochet and what it is helping others to accomplish.