Archive for September, 2012

Ohio State is undefeated. After the team’s four non-conference games, it is where I thought it would be.

In a wins-and-losses sense, anyway.

I haven’t, however, expected the struggles the team has dealt with, especially in Saturday’s game against the University of Alabama branch campus that doesn’t play football nearly as well as its big brother in Tuscaloosa. That’s been unsettling, to be sure.

But on the other hand: Just win. That mantra got me through some pretty good years — and one great one — in the last decade, and if I have to fall back on it again in 2012, that’s OK.

Braxton Miller. In this young season so far, I’ve seen quarterbacks who throw better balls than Braxton Miller. I’ve seen some who are more consistent, and more polished. And there are some — even some in our own conference — that have received more hype than the Buckeyes’ sophomore. But I haven’t seen a quarterback — not a single one — so far this year who can take over a game like Braxton Miller. I’ve generally been pleased with the development of the team’s receivers, and the tailbacks are improving (see Rod Smith) and getting healthy (see Jordan Hall), but there is no question who the coaches turn to when they’re looking for something to happen. There isn’t anyone in the country I’d rather have as Ohio State’s quarterback right now, and just think about this, kids: He’s only going to get better.

Receivers. If you listened to Urban during spring practice, you heard this: “Receivers? We don’t have any.” Look now, though. Devin Smith. Corey Brown. Michael Thomas is starting to play. Jake Stoneburner looks good after the move from tight end. The backs are included in the passing game as well. This is not a polished group, to be sure, but they’re better than I thought we might see, based on Urban’s comments last spring.

Jordan Hall. He looked tentative against Cal. He looked less so against UAB. And while he has good guys behind him, there is no question that the guy from Jeannette, Pa., — you know, the one who chose to stick around — is the team’s best tailback. And Ohio State will get better with every game he plays.

The offense. It’s different … but it’s not. This isn’t the spread we typically think of; it’s still Ohio State, run-driven football. But I couldn’t begin to count the number of different formations we’ve seen, just four games in, and I have no idea how a defensive coordinator figures out where the ball is going next. Mix in the passing game — and some of those dink-and-dunk passes are going to start breaking for big gains once the timing between Miller and his receivers improves — and that’s a scary offense. I can’t wait.

Red zone. In a refreshing change from the past regime, when Ohio State gets there, it scores touchdowns. The Bucks have been inside the other team’s 20 17 times so far; they’ve come away with 14 touchdowns.

The bad.

Braxton Miller. After the season’s first two games, it was clear that Ohio State was relying too much on Miller; even in an offense that’s built around his talents, it’s probably not smart for him to be the fourth-leading rusher in the country, as he was after Miami and Central Florida. But it’s possible to go too far in the other direction as well. Against Cal, he looked like he was thinking too much about not running, and it led to sacks and some poor decisions. I don’t think this is a huge thing, and it seems to me that he’s got a better grasp of the offense than did his predecessor at the same point of his career. It’ll get better.

The defense. There is one specific, defense-related thing I’ll address in a second, but in general, the defense has seemed a little lifeless. In the first two games, that might have been by design. Fickell and Withers didn’t call many blitzes, and we didn’t do much to pressure the other quarterback. That’s picked up some, but the team is still giving up an embarrassing amount of yardage — UAB outgained Ohio State 403 to 347, for example — and that’s going to bite us in league play. However — I like what Coach Withers told the Dispatch’s Bill Rabinowitz after Saturday’s game:

Great point, coach.

The ugly.

Tackling. As in, there isn’t any. OK, that’s not quite true — I saw improvement against UAB … but I also saw a lot of blown tackles, a lot of soft defense on the outside and a lot of intended big hits — most of which turned into whiffs — that should have been wrap ’em up and take ’em down. This is a fundamental thing; my coaches at Hastings Junior High School preached it over and over and over, and I assume that most of these guys have already had a longer football career than my five seasons. The Big Ten isn’t looking especially solid this year, but it’s going to provide tougher, more physical games than we’ve seen in the first four. And Montee Ball and La’Veon Bell will crush a DB who thinks a shot with a shoulder pad is going to take him down. Time to get this fixed.

Penalties. Thirty one of them. Two hundred and sixty yards. Many of them of the after-the-whistle-hits or yapping-for-unsportsmanlike-conducts variety. Stop it. Now.

Special teams. I wouldn’t have included this had I written it a week ago, but the performance of Ohio State’s special teams against UAB were atrocious. Know who our special teams coordinator is? Urban Meyer. Coach? Let’s not let that happen again.

Yes, we’re late. That’s mostly my fault, as a cold has kept me nailed to the couch for most of the week; Mrs. Crappy did her part, filing this on Monday. Whoops. As always, my comments are in italics. -UC

Week three of the 2012 season found the Buckeyes on a beautiful Saturday playing not-so-beautiful game against the California University at Berkley, who came very, very close to winning, but I’ll leave the game analysis to Uncle Crappy.

Just win, baby.

As for the food analysis, Sept. 15 proved to be an odd day, as the Crappy parents were out of town all week and I had to work late Friday. So early on in the week, we decided to let someone else do the cooking, an option that most of our tailgaters picked as well.

By Friday, we had a count of 15 for the party (very glad to have Aunt Mary up and around again!), so Uncle Crappy had to up our takeout order from City BBQ in Columbus with their “Pig Up and Go” party packages. Our preferred location is on Henderson Road and you can check out the menu here. We got the BP7, which includes, 5 pounds of meat, two 2 1/2 quart sides, sauce and buns. Pulled pork, beef brisket, cole salw and baked beans were the fixings we picked. Crappy Dad looked at it all and told Uncle Crappy there would be tons left over. Yeah, he ended up with enough meat for a sandwich of each. We love our barbecue!

We are thankful to have excellent barbecue options in Pittsburgh; I think City holds up to any of them.

The vinegar-based cole slaw, however, was not a favorite of the crowd and we ended up bring a whole quart back to Pittsburgh, where we plan to make grilled Rachel sandwiches for dinner Tuesday night (Thanks to my illness, we waited until Wednesday night. Totally worth the wait, by the way). Since no one cooked this weekend, and grilled Rachels are easy to make on a Coleman griddle at, say, a tailgate, here is the recipe:

Grilled Rachels, aka the Roasted Turkey Reuben

Use either deli turkey or leftover roasted turkey, say after Thanksgiving

Deli or marble rye bread, although Martha Stewart recommends sourdough (Martha Stewart would be wrong about that one.)

Butter or margarine

Coleslaw, whatever kind you like — creamy or vinegar-based (But the vinegar-based one we had was excellent.)

Thinly sliced Swiss cheese

Russian or Thousand Island dressing

Butter one or both sides of each slice of bread. You pick how much butter you want. Heat frying pan or griddle, like you would for making grilled cheese sandwiches. Spread schmear of dressing on one or both slices of bread. Put one slice butter-side down, on griddle or pan, layering Swiss cheese, turkey and cole slaw on slice. Top with other slice of bread, butter side out, and grill until cheese is melty and the bread is as toasted as you like. Avoid burning bread and feel free to mush down on sandwich with a spatula or to use one of those weights used to make bacon cook flat. You could also use a panni or George Foreman grill. Cut in half and serve with additional dressing if you like extra (and I like extra!)

In a medium bowl, beat the eggs with a mixer on high until they are thick and yellow – about 2 minutes (or just shake the container of egg substitute really well). Mix in the pumpkin. Mix in the cake mix.

Spread in a 10 x 15″ jelly roll pan lined with greased wax paper or foil. Bake for about 10 minutes at 375.

Remove from the oven and turn out onto a cotton kitchen , not terry cloth, towel well dusted with powdered sugar. Roll the cake up in the towel and let it cool on a wire rack for around 1/2 hour with seam down. Unroll and spread with the cream cheese frosting. Roll it back up without the kitchen towel this time. Sprinkle with more powdered sugar, roll in plastic wrap and store in the refrigerator. Chilling helps to keep the roll shape.

So here comes University of Alabama-Birmingham at noon on Saturday. Uncle Crappy and I are going camping and leaving Crappy Dad in charge of tailgate. Will report back on the game and the food next week. Until then — Go Buckeyes! P.S. — I hope we learned how to tackle during the week! (Yes, that would be good.)

More than 64,000 students, if you’re counting all campuses. And nearly 42,000 employees.

As is the case with any organization of its size, The Ohio State University can be a maddening, frustrating place. Trying to get answers — or even just finding the person to whom the questions should be asked — can feel like an impossible chore.

What we encountered in 2010 and 2011 as we tried to figure out where we were parking for the season is a good example. Call one person, get one answer. Hear another answer from a different office. Get a third answer from one of the people working the lot.

Baffling.

But sometimes, it pays to ask.

I have two examples. During the first game, I was dismayed to hear that the OSUMB’s spot in the South Stands had been mic’ed, and was being played over the stadium’s shiny new PA system. In some parts of the stadium, it sounded fine; in 14C, the delay made it sound awful. We heard everything twice, and it pretty much made the music unbearable to listen to.

Last week, I sent an email to a whole bunch of people: Gordon Gee, Gene Smith, the folks who manage game day operations in the stadium, the band’s director. I griped about the amplification and asked for something to change.

It took Jon Waters, the interim director of the Ohio State University Marching Band, to answer. He said amplification of the band had been a goal of his and Gene Smith’s coming into the season, but added right off the bat that he was aware there were some problems on Week One. He also made a good point — there is no real way to test the sound without a stadium full of people, so it might take some time to work out the issues.

Because he took a couple minutes to respond, I felt better about the problem. And, true to his word, the sound was much better last week.

I have another example.

As I said last week, our new parking spot is pretty much perfect. Close to the stadium, shade or sun to suit the weather, easy parking for everyone else and plenty of, uh, facilities nearby.

My father, who has a legitimate reason to hold a disabled parking hang-tag, made a good point, though; for him, it took a decent walk –and for him, an uncomfortable one — to get to the nearest porta-john or to the indoor plumbing in the library. And, he reasoned, wouldn’t it make sense to have a porta-john available to patrons who are parking in handicapped lot.

Late in the week, Crappydad asked Ethel, who works for the university, for help in figuring out who should field a question about getting our own porta-potty. Ethel came through, and after a quick exchange of emails, we had been promised that a porta-john would be waiting for us Saturday morning (and it was actually in place on Friday night, as the Coochie Doctor confirmed during a quick trip through campus).

And there you are, boys and girls. Ethel, my father, and the one thing we were lacking to be able to call our new tailgating home truly perfect. We call him John.

And when you’re faced with the daunting task of figuring out how to approach a gigantic organization, remember this: It never hurts to just ask.

Mrs. Crappy returns for the second installation of what it was we ate on Saturday. These things were freaking delicious and easy to make, so thanks to her for finding the recipe. As was the case a week ago, I’ll add some notes in the photo captions and the text in italics. And finally — bonus points to whomever gets the reference in the headline. -UC

The second week of the 2012 season versus the University of Central Florida Knights gave us a chance to try out a recipe I’ve had my eye on for a while. I found these Hawaiian Sweet Roll Ham Sammies on Pinterest, as all things are these days, by way of beyerbeware.blogspot.com.

Uncle Crappy’s mom Pat has a similar recipe using regular grocery store sandwich rolls instead of the sweet sandwich rolls; Uncle Crappy made them for us years ago. They were very good, making individual sandwiches that are then frozen for future use, but the recipe makes like 40 sandwiches and there were only two of us. Sort of like the first time we went skiing in Snowmass and Uncle Crappy took me to the top of the mountain after four skiing sessions in a county park with a hill (Whiner.).

Anyway, here’s the recipe for Hawaiian Sweet Roll Sammies:

1 package of 12 King’s Hawaiian Sweet Rolls (Distinctive orange packaging. Uncle Crappy found ours in the deli section of the grocery instead of bread section. After much searching.)
1 onion minced
1 stick of butter
3 tablespoons of Djion mustard
2 teaspoons of Worcestershire sauce
3 teaspoons of poppy seeds (Remember, these can sometimes trigger false positives in urine drug tests, so leave them out if this is something you need to worry about.)
3/4 pound shaved ham (We used Giant Eagle Market District Ham Off the Bone. Good, not overly salty to counter the sweet rolls.)
8 slices of Swiss cheese

Sweet merciful crap, did this smell good.

Melt butter in a small skillet and add onions. Medium heat. Let saute for a few minutes to soften onions, but don’t brown the onions. Mix mustard, Worcestershire sauce and poppy seeds into onion and butter. Simmer for a few minutes, until the onions are soft.

Note that there are a couple different kinds of rolls in those pans. I couldn’t find three packages of sweet rolls in the two stores I visited, so I did some improvising, using the sweet deli buns as well. Didn’t notice a difference at all.

Slice rolls as a slab (not individual rolls) lengthwise, and place bottom in an aluminum foil lined 13′ x 9″ baking pan. Spread 3/4 of onion mixture on roll bottoms, then layer ham and cheese on top. Place top of rolls on the pile, spreading the remaining onion mixture over the top of the rolls. Cover with foil and refrigerate until ready to bake.

This is the butter/mustard goop spread on the bottoms of the buns. Make sure you hold back enough to coat the tops, too.

The finished sammiches, ready to be baked. Under the bun tops are layers of ham and Swiss cheese. Note: I got three packages of bread for two casseroles. I also fudged the amount of ham and cheese upwards a bit.

Bake covered with foil for 20 minutes at 350 degrees.

And they’re done. A little sweet, and meaty and goopy with cheese. This recipe is a keeper.

Uncle Crappy put two of these casseroles together on Friday and then we baked Saturday morning before going to tailgate. Refer to last week’s entry about how we transport hot things to the tailgate. We were warned when we got to Columbus that we might have six additional tailgaters, so we whipped the Eggless Sausage Casserole from last weekend out of the freezer and cooked it too. Good thing, too — with 15 very hungry people, we came away with about a quarter casserole of the sammies, which Uncle Crappy and I ate for dinner Sunday.

Not the most artful shot of the cake — sorry ’bout that — but hooboy, was it good.

Additional food included: Chilled Cajun shrimp, which I’ll get the recipe for, and My Grandma’s of New England Coffee Cake, which is honestly the best coffee cake I have ever had and will be ordering for Christmas presents this year! We had the plain coffee cake, but we all want to try the other flavors too, especially the blueberry. Interested? You’ll find all the info here.

And the bonus recipe this week is for Suzanne’s Jarlsberg Cheese Dip — 2 cups chopped red onions, 2 cups mayonnaise, 2 cups shredded Jarlsberg cheese, mix together in a dish. Chill and serve with crackers. Now, in looking up this recipe, I found that it is meant to be baked at 350 degrees for 20 minutes and served warm. I have never had it that way and it is one of those that you can’t stop eating cold, so I wonder what the warm version is like. My cousin also makes it cold, but loads it with fresh cracked black pepper, which is yummy. Someone out there, bake it and report back what its like warm.

Now looking forward to Saturday’s match up with University of California Golden Bears, and wondering what we’ll eat! Go Buckeyes!

Thankfully, it’s a pretty forgiving recipe, and I can get away with making mistakes without you guys ever noticing. Like, say, two seasons ago when we were talking in the kitchen while I was preparing the food — and I realized that I forgot to brown the sausage before mixing it with the potatoes, peppers and all the other delicious stuff. No biggie, though — the sausage was cooked when I baked the casseroles the following morning.

On Friday night, I was dead tired when I started the prep work — but I at least remembered to get out the skillets to brown the meat while we watched Michigan State and Boise State. I diced all the veggies without losing a finger and popped them in the oven so we would only have to heat them in the morning. Dad and Mrs. Crappy both tasted the final product, announced they were pleased and we all went to bed to get ready for a very early start on Saturday.

It was when I was collecting food for the coolers on Saturday morning that I noticed the two bags of shredded cheddar in the fridge. Unopened.

Yep. I forgot to add the cheese.

Fortune continued to smile on me and my breakfast casseroles, though. I had just put them in the oven to get them warm; I got them out, buried the tops of each one with a cup of cheddar, and put them back in to heat. The finished product? The cheese browned beautifully, crusty in some places, melty in others.

Yes, we ran this picture yesterday. BUT JUST LOOK AT THAT CHEESE.

My ass was saved once again.

So when I make these next year, someone remind me to not only put the cheese in the casseroles but to put some on top as well. And to brown the sausage. And to not cut off my fingers.

Mrs. Crappy promised over the summer that she was going to be a Killer Nuts Tailgating contributor this season, and I’m awfully pleased to see that she’s keeping her promise. -UC

As an added feature this year on Killer Nuts Tailgating, we will be providing a few recipes from each weekend’s get together. This past week for the Buckeyes home opener, we chose a traditional eye opener, an eggless breakfast casserole. As some in our crowd H-A-T-E eggs in any form, we found this casserole a few years back, that makes everyone happy — unless you look at the calorie content, which we don’t. Quick, easy, very tasty, filling, and if you remember to put the leftovers in a cooler with ice, it reheats well the next day too!

In a skillet, cook the sausage until browned. Drain well. In a large mixing bowl, combine the sausage (or cooked bacon or ham or veggies), cheese, chicken soup, sour cream, French onion dip, chopped onion, bell peppers, salt and pepper. Mix in thawed hash brown potatoes. We have found the best method for really getting this mixed well is to just use a LARGE bowl and your hands. Spread in a 9 X 13-inch greased baking dish. Bake at 350°F for about one hour or until casserole is golden brown.

I usually bake for about 45 minutes with casseroles covered with foil and then uncover and continue to bake until I think they are done. This tends to keep them moister than if baked completely uncovered.

With a crowd of nine, we made two casseroles, one with mild sausage and one with hot (We had enough mixed up for an additional small casserole, which we froze for a future breakfast, lunch or dinner). To the hot casserole, a diced jalapeno was also added. The hot went faster than the mild, and we ended up with a large chunk that would have been two servings, if we had remembered to put into the cooler. Oh well. (Totally my fault. -UC)

As for keeping casseroles warm, you can either bake before going to tailgate, or, as we did, bake them the night before and then reheat thoroughly in the morning. Cover with foil. Then we take a sturdy box about a foot deep and line the bottom with beach towels, wrapping each casserole in a towel, stacking them in the box and then covering with another towel.

I know some people have those nifty hot food carrying cases, which are awesome, but we have found the towel method is pretty easy to deal with when it comes to spills, as spilled chili in a carrying case can result in a long scrub to get it out of all the nooks and crannies and stitching. With the towels, you just throw in the washer, and if the box get bad, throw it out and find a new one. When it comes to seriously cold weather games, we have several old pizza delivery carriers that help insulate the food even more, and we leave the box in the car until its time to eat.

The rest of Saturday’s menu, provided by the rest of the crew included fresh Caprese salad (tomato slices, slices of fresh mozzarella, roughly fresh basil chopped, olive oil), fresh fruit salad, cheese and crackers, cookies and pound cake, as well as Buckeye donuts from Tim Hortons — chocolate glazed donuts with a dollop of peanut butter in the hole!

Check back next week for this coming Saturday’s menu for the OSU v. University of Central Florida.

Go Buckeyes!

(Note: You now have the recipe; tomorrow morning, you’ll learn about my track record of screwing it up. Besides forgetting to put the leftovers in a cooler, I mean… -UC)

All three of us in the truck were a little anxious when we approached campus around 7:30 Saturday morning. We had settled on giving the lot behind Campbell Hall a try with the 12th and Cannon lots as our rather unpleasant backup option.

We cruised past our old space — or, rather, spaces — on Herrick Drive, approached the lot we saw the day before … and saw orange cones blocking the entrance.

Crap.

But. There were guys taking money for the adjacent parking garage at the end of the street that runs behind our desired home; we drove up and asked.

The answer? On football Saturdays, the lot we scoped out was a public disability lot. All you needed to park there was a handicapped hang-tag and fifteen American dollars.

And we had both.

It’s possible that I did a jumping happy dance after I parked the truck in the corner space, under a broad tree and next to a wide expanse of grass. I might have done that again when Mrs. Crappy wandered two blocks away — a short stroll past Mirror Lake — and found the William Oxley Thompson Library, with a coffee shop and large, clean restrooms. In a library. Which will always be open. As in, never closed. And then I might have danced a third time, when Bud asked and was told that Neil Avenue Parking Garage, just next door, was also public, save for spaces reserved for media. No more walks from 12th and Cannon lots for our fellow Killer Nuts Tailgaters.

It’s all right there. It’s all available to all of us, with only the possible hindrance of making sure we’re there early enough to get the spaces we want.

Toward the end of the first quarter, there might have been a little anxiety about the football as well. Two breakdowns in pass coverage had given Miami two long gains; decent defensive recoveries — along with a missed field goal and a dropped pass or two — kept the Redhawks Redskins from building the 14-0 lead they probably deserved.

But the defense wasn’t the problem. It was the offense — the power spread we’ve all been dreaming about — that was. For the game’s first 15 minutes, it felt a lot like 2011. Running backs going nowhere. Braxton Miller scrambling. And nothing that resembled a drive, because there were no first downs. Ohio State finally started to move the ball towards the end of the quarter, and just a couple minutes into the second, the Buckeyes broke the ice in spectacular fashion.

And, really, that’s when the game was over. Miami quarterback Zac Dysert is a good one, and he rolled up 313 passing yards on the day — but got just one touchdown to show for it. After taking the first quarter off, Ohio State’s offense had a 500-yard day, and Braxton racked up Nintendo numbers: 161 yards rushing, with one touchdown; 14 of 24 yards passing for 207 yards and two touchdowns. We got a decent look at how the offense is going to work, as well. Miller’s targets were everywhere — receivers, tight ends, backs — and most of the passes were short routes, with potential for long gains after the catch. And especially after Miller’s 65-yard touchdown run at the start of the second half, play-action off an option look is going to be a killer play as the season progresses.

We started Saturday — both the tailgate and the game — wondering what was to come. By the time we were headed home in the afternoon, we had a much better idea.

First: As was the case two years ago, I am still not pleased with the names chosen by the B1G for its two football divisions. I am therefore making a Killer Nuts Tailgating style ruling: On this blog, the divisions shall be called the Pork and Beef Divisions, and Ohio State plays in the Pork Division.

This just became important today. I had assumed that with the postseason ban in place for this year, that even if Ohio State were to win whichever B1G division the team plays in (the Pork Division, as we now know), the actual division championship would go to the next-best eligible team.

And I was wrong. According to ESPN (and apparently confirmed by the conference), both Ohio State and Penn State are eligible to win the Pork Division championship this season (that goes for Penn State for the next three years as well); we’d get the trophy, but the next-best eligible team gets the berth to the conference title game.