The forgotten heroes of Anzac Day

By Jessica Rapana| 3 years ago

As dawn breaks on Sydney’s Martin Place this morning, Rhondda Vanzella stands in silence among the crowd honouring those who fought in the wars.

But for her, like many war widows, ANZAC Day is not just a day to commemorate the nation’s fallen heroes. It’s a day to grieve for what she's lost — a husband and a life together, both taken too soon. A sacrifice often forgotten.

"This time is a very difficult time for widows. They see their husband's mates marching and he’s not there," explains 73-year-old Vanzella, who is the president of the NSW branch of War Widows Guild Australia.

"People don’t seem to understand there's another side to Anzac Day. We remember and grieve for our husbands but there’s also a part of you that grieves for the life that you don’t have. We too have made sacrifices," she tells Honey.

Having lost her own husband, a World War II veteran, 10 years ago, Vanzella recently took up her role bringing together more than 5000 war widows in NSW, including women who lost partners 50 years ago and others as recently as two months ago.

Rhondda Vanzella. Photo: Supplied.

For these women, Anzac Day often brings a great sadness, coupled with a sense of pride and gratitude, Vanzella explains.

"We have to be thankful. We’ve lost something but we have to be grateful for what we have. We have a free country, we have free speech.

"You're always proud of their sacrifice and commitment. So while it’s tinged with sadness and loss, it is reassuring that there is a future and we are safe because of that sacrifice."

Their grief is also a unique one in that they have an extra and very public day each year to remember their loved one, she says.

"Twice in a year we grieve for our husbands, most people only grieve once.

"We have our anniversaries for our own husband’s death and then it’s brought back to us on days like Anzac Day. You have your own private time as you go out, standing and remembering but it is also very public. It can be hard for women to manage that and it takes some time to learn to manage both.”

For Vanzella, these commemorations are also a chance to look ahead.

"You do look back but you have to look forward as well. And the future is my grandchildren," she says, adding that she brings her children and grandchildren with her to attend the service each year.

"You go to remember your husband but you also have to concentrate on what's around you. Young people become our legacy."