The number one sign you have nothing to do at work: The 4th Division of Paperclips has overrun the Pushpin Infantry and General White-Out has called for a new skirmish. ~Fred Barling, "Humorscope"

Find a job you like and you add five days to every week. ~H. Jackson Brown

Accomplishing the impossible means only that the boss will add it to your regular duties. ~Doug Larson

Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work. ~Robert Orben

If a trainstation is where the train stops, what's a workstation? ~Author Unknown

We pretend to work because they pretend to pay us. ~Author Unknown

Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do the work. ~John G. Pollard

When people go to work, they shouldn't have to leave their hearts at home. ~Betty Bender

Many people quit looking for work when they find a job. ~Author Unknown

A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. Unfortunately, they don't have a J.O.B. ~"Fats" Domino

Monday is a lame way to spend 1/7 of your life. ~Author Unknown

As a job seeker, remember this: You only lack experience if they want it done the same old way. ~Robert Brault, rbrault.blogspot.com

If you have a job without any aggravations, you don't have a job. ~Malcolm S. Forbes

A life spent in constant labor is a life wasted, save a man be such a fool as to regard a fulsome obituary notice as ample reward. ~George Jean Nathan

Don't worry about people stealing your ideas. If your ideas are any good, you'll have to ram them down people's throats. ~Howard Aiken

A Mission Statement is a dense slab of words that a large organization produces when it needs to establish that its workers are not just sitting around downloading Internet porn. ~Dave Barry

Nothing is really work unless you would rather be doing something else. ~James Matthew Barrie

The supreme accomplishment is to blur the line between work and play. ~Arnold Toynbee

The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when he fills out a job application form. ~Stanley J. Randall

Time is an illusion, lunchtime doubly so. ~Douglas Adams

I have never liked working. To me a job is an invasion of privacy. ~Danny McGoorty

Researchers at Harvard say that taking a power nap for an hour in the afternoon can totally refresh you. They say that by the time you wake up you'll feel so good, you'll be able to start looking for a new job. ~Jay Leno

Whenever it is possible, a boy should choose some occupation which he should do even if he did not need the money. ~William Lyon Phelps

I've met a few people in my time who were enthusiastic about hard work. And it was just my luck that all of them happened to be men I was working for at the time. ~Bill Gold

A baseball game is twice as much fun if you're seeing it on the company's time. ~William C. Feather

I'm quitting to pursue my dream of not working here. ~Author Unknown

If a man love the labour of any trade apart from any question of success or fame, the gods have called him. ~Robert Louis Stevenson

Your Business clothes are naturally attracted to staining liquids. This attraction is strongest just before an important meeting. ~Scott Adams

Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire. ~Author Unknown

An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be made in a very narrow field. ~Niels Bohr

Don't waste time learning the "tricks of the trade." Instead, learn the trade. ~Attributed to both James Charlton and H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

You're no good unless you are a good assistant; and if you are, you're too good to be an assistant. ~Martin H. Fischer

Corporations no longer try to fit square pegs into round holes; they just fit them into square cubicles. ~Robert Brault, rbrault.blogspot.com

The Tao that is seen
Is not the true Tao, until
You bring fresh toner.
~Bill Torcaso, 1998, honorable mention in the Haiku Error Messages 21st Challenge by Charlie Varon and Jim Rosenau, sponsored by Salon.com

A certificate does not make you certified. Attitude, performance, commitment to self and team — these and a certificate make you certified. ~Author Unknown

Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. ~Steve Jobs

People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up. ~Ogden Nash

There are no menial jobs, only menial attitudes. ~William J. Bennett, The Book of Virtues

Commuter — one who spends his life
In riding to and from his wife;
A man who shaves and takes a train,
And then rides back to shave again.
~E.B. White, "The Commuter," Poems and Sketches, 1982

Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called everybody, and they meet at the bar. ~Drew Carey

Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life. ~Confucius

There's no business like show business, but there are several businesses like accounting. ~David Letterman

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a raise. ~Robert Brault, rbrault.blogspot.com

The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning, and does not stop until you get into the office. ~Robert Frost

The difference between a job and a career is the difference between forty and sixty hours a week. ~Robert Frost

It is not titles that honor men, but men that honor titles. ~Niccolo Machiavelli

Wednesdays are like Mondays in the middle of the week! ~Lee Fox Williams

An unfulfilled vocation drains the color from a man's entire existence. ~Honoré de Balzac, Scènes de la vie Parisienne

Eventually the person who tries to fix the problem will be blamed for causing it. ~Robert Brault, rbrault.blogspot.com

For many people a job is more than an income — it's an important part of who we are. So a career transition of any sort is one of the most unsettling experiences you can face in your life. ~Paul Clitheroe

If you are the boss it's wise to remember that there are lots of things you don't know and lots of people who hope you won't find out. ~Michael Josephson, whatwillmatter.com

More men are killed by overwork than the importance of this world justifies. ~Rudyard Kipling

Work expands so as to fill the time available for its completion. ~C. Northcote Parkinson, 1958

A memorandum is written not to inform the reader but to protect the writer. ~Dean Acheson

Thank you paper clips, for being like staples that can't commit. ~Jimmy Fallon

Coffice: a café that a customer uses as a place in which to conduct business. ~Author Unknown

Today's Parenting Tip: Treat a difficult child the way you would your boss at work. Praise his achievements, ignore his tantrums and resist the urge to sit him down and explain to him how his brain is not yet fully developed. ~Robert Brault, rbrault.blogspot.com

What is it that you like doing? If you don't like it, get out of it, because you'll be lousy at it. ~Lee Iacocca

One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important. ~Bertrand Russell

What the world really needs is more love and less paper work. ~Pearl Bailey

Retired is being twice tired, I've thought
First tired of working,
Then tired of not.
~Richard Armour

Statistics indicate that, as a result of overwork, modern executives are dropping like flies on the nation's golf courses. ~Ira Wallach

I think my idea of retirement might be to one day work a 40-hour week. ~Vince McMahon

If you don't like your job you don't strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way. ~Homer Simpson, The Simpsons

I've used up all my sick days so I'm calling in dead. ~Author Unknown

Evening, and home I go, commuting from a world that won't listen to a world that has heard it a thousand times. ~Robert Brault, rbrault.blogspot.com

Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they're looking for ideas. ~Paula Poundstone

The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before the boss does. ~Author Unknown

By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day. ~Robert Frost