Walter, did you have lunch at ‘The In & Out Burger’ today? I think whoever handled your food had a cold…possibly cold sores, I don’t know I wasn’t there ..I work right across the street from you ffs .. wouldn’t kill you to invite me for a fuckin’ burger now and again.

God: “Your callous attitude towards the weak and infirm has angered me. You will be punished with a retard baby.”
Sinner: “But aren’t we all created in your image? Does that mean some part of you is a spaz?”
God: “That notion is not to be taken literally. It just means all things flow from the Lord”
Sinner: “Ok. I will do my best with this burden, and try to teach the child to follow the ways of the scripture.”

*16 years later*

Sinner Dad: “He is a loving God…”
Tardington (in his head because he can barely speak): “Ah, so it’s like shacking up with Josef Fritzl. It’s starting to make sense.”
Tardington (out loud): POTATO!

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