I'm a geochemist. In the past ten years I've fixed mass spectrometers, blasted sapphires with a laser beam, explored for uranium in a nature reserve, and measured growth patterns in fish ears, and helped design the next generation of the world's most advanced ion probe. My main interest is in-situ mass spectrometry, but I have a soft spot in my heart for thermodynamics, drillers, and cosmochemistry.

Sunday, April 20, 2008

Would have stayed up in the trees had they known what would happen today. Sadly, Digital Cuttlefish seems to have decided that this is “bastardize operetta in the name of science” weekend. So in the spirit of poetry month, I shall do the same:

Oh, better far to live and diebetween the godless earth and sky,Than play a sanctimonious part,With a monkey’s head and a preachers heart.Away to the doctrinal world go you,Where pious all are well-to-do;But I’ll be true to the song I sing,And live and die a Primate Thing.

For I am a Primate Thing!And it is an evidence-based inklingthat I’m Primate Thing!

For I am a Primate Thing!You are!descended from chordate Things! And I never evolved a membranous wingTo be a Primate Thing. Oh no!Hurrah for our Primate Thing!

When I sally forth to seek my preyI prove them wrong in a factual way.I stomp a few more toes, it’s true,Than a well-bred chemist ought to do;But many a theocentric dogma drone,If he wants ancestral apes disowned,Must manage somehow to get throughMore hypocrisy than ever I do,

For I am a Primate Thing!And it has a rather bestial ringTo be a Primate Thing!

For I am a Primate Thing! You are!diverged from an ovine Thing! And tracheal changes let me singthat I’m a Primate Thing.They do!Hurrah for our Primate Thing!

Disclaimer:

All opinions, measurements, figures, and facts on this page are the personal opinions of Charles W. Magee, Jr, and do not represent the views of any of his employers: past, present, present-but-about-to-be-past, or future. None of the content herein has been subject to peer review, and should be treated with caution or derision. Any passing mention of OSHA code violations, criminal activities, unethical or unscientific behavior, or the clandestine Australian nuclear weapons program are fictions created to make rhetorical points, and do not represent the reality of my, or anyone else's, workplace. Do not attempt any scientific protocols described herein at home, with the exception of the chocolate chip cookie recipe. Do not apply the products of that protocol to individuals with heart disease, diabetes, high blood pressure or cholesterol, egg, wheat, dairy, or chocolate allergies. Do not view this blog continuously for more than 45 minutes without stretching and taking other precautions to prevent computer-related chronic injury.
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