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Want to ask friends to set you up? (script inside)

I am currently in Tampa, Florida visiting my in-laws, my brother and sister in-law, and my 5 nieces. Yes I said 5! We’re having so much fun.

We were all Super Heroes for Halloween and I, of course, opted to be Wonder Woman

We had our first class for Done With Being Single this week and it was absolutely amazing. The women, or my Love Leaders as I like to call them, are so ready to meet the man they are meant to be with, and really dig deep and live their best life in the process. (Note that those things don’t have to happen separately!)

After the call, I was literally glowing. I was feeling so blessed that they have let me into their minds and hearts to permanently shift them into a place of being truly open and meet quality men everywhere they go.

I hear from woman all the time, “Kavita, where do I meet men at my level? I’m online dating but it isn’t working. I’m either not getting any responses or I’m meeting men that just aren’t good enough. I’d really rather meet a man the traditional way, while I am out in the world, but I am not seeing that happen either- what gives?”

I know this feeling sucks!

You go out with friends and it seems like all the men are taken, or the few that aren’t just don’t meet your expectations.

Then you go home and log into your online dating account only to see uninteresting (and sometimes totally weird) inbox messages.

All of these interactions are further solidifying for you that the men you like aren’t interested and the ones that are you could care less about.

But there are men you come in contact with in the real world that you’re totally missing out on! And I see so many women miss out on these opportunities because they think they can just figure it out for themselves (yet keep waiting and waiting for the guy to pop up).

The truth is, the best place to meet men is through your existing community. In fact, statistics show that 63% of married couples met through a friend. I met Hemal this way, and you should be utilizing this asset that already exists in your life.

Maybe you’re thinking, “Kavita, I’ve asked my friends to set me up before and they were totally unhelpful”.

Okay, I hear you. But when you asked them did you say, “I’m single, so if you know anyone let me know” or some version of that?

I give you credit for asking and putting yourself out there, but there is so much energy behind words. It is the energy that you’re coming at your friends with that will get you the results you want. Even if they know you’re totally a catch, if you’re asking from a place of desperation, they’re probably thinking that they’ll wait to set you up with the guy they have in mind when you’re in a better place. After all, they do feel some sort of responsibility to you both if they set you up.

BUT, if you come at it from a space of really trusting their judgment and from a place of lightness and fun, they’ll totally feel that and will want to help.

So here’s what I want you to do. You’re going to ask 3 friends you feel have good taste (a girlfriend that has a type of man that you would sort of like to have, or a friend that really understands you), and ask them to set you up. Here is the script I want you to use:

“Hey Rebecca, I know you have good taste in men and really know me, and so I was wondering is there is anyone in your world you know that is single that you feel would be a good match for me?”

I am specifically having you use the word “world” here because that opens them up to thinking of everyone in their life versus the first immediate friends that come to mind. This also comes across in a way that makes them feel like you truly value their opinion and really just want to know what they have to say, therefore leaving the “desperate” at home.

They may ask you, “What kind of man are you looking for?” To follow up on this, give them 3 qualities that you really desire. For example I would say: “I want him to be Indian, smart, and funny.”

They’ll likely respond one of two ways:

1) “Hmm I have to think about that”. This response is fine! Just let them marinate in it for a bit. They’ll keep it in mind, and you need to follow up!

2) “I do know someone!” Great! If they do know someone you might hit it off with, then of course thank them and ask them to introduce you through email (or whatever feels comfortable to you).

I know this might feel uncomfortable because you’re putting yourself out there with your friends in a new way. But I want you to get into action, so this is your Lovework for this week.

And, just between you and me, there are underlying things going on because asking is just one piece (which does work in and of itself). To really meet men anywhere you go we need to get to the root of what may be holding you back.