I was planning on studying for an exam during my mat leave. "So much time when the baby is sleeping!" My 2 bosses at the time just smiled, they both had 3 children. I'm pretty sure I didn't even open a book!

But I see where you are coming from...I have had lots of unsolicited advice from someone who has no children about they way things should be, what I should be doing etc. Now just to clarify, it makes no difference to me whether a person has children or not...some of the best advice I got came from a childless person! I will be interested to see if it all works the way she thinks it should, but of course, unlike her crappy attitude towards me I won't gloat!

I had ideas of how I wanted to do things but common sense told me that these probably won't work out. Some people just don't see their plans not working and it is niave of them.

Maybe the baby is unsettled because she put it in its own nursery, my ds just wakes up, has a feed and goes right back to sleep but he is in a cot next to our bed and I think knowing we are there and hearing dp snoring settles him.

I don't understand people like your friend. How do they develop these unrealistic expectations of baby-hood?

I had no younger siblings or cousins, and I ended up having twins, and it still all worked out how I expected. Cuddles, little sleep, frequent feeds (the little things have to triple their body weight in the first year of life, they need regular nutrition!), cute things to look at at 3 am, etc. You know. Like babies generally are?

There was a list doing the rounds of email a few years ago, where one of the points was that before you have kids you should offer unsolicited advice to existing parents on matters of sleep, discipline etc. because, something like "This is the last time in your life that you'll have all the answers", which I think summed it up pretty neatly.

Very U. But then again so am I. I have a friend who was the First Woman To Ever Give Birth and despite having 3 myself sat politely through lectures about the best way to give birth, feed baby etc.4 months in and she's exhausted and to her credit mildly embarrassed about some of the things she said. I'm falling back on being helpful, supportive and slightly smug..

dd1 was exactly the baby your friend expected to have. quick feed in a dark room, straight back down - off to sleep, no problem. she slept through 7-7 from 7 weeks, went down for naps at regular times, would ask to go to bed as a toddler, at the right time etc.

dd2 was a little bit slwer in all of the above, but again was sleeping through by about 14 weeks - by which point it was a quick feed and off back down again.

ds (6 months old) has never slept through the night, feeds every 3 hours, regularly thinks 3am is the time to coo and chortle and be cute. but hey, he's a baby and that's what happens (although I'm glad that he wasn't my first, otherwise I may not have gone on to have more!)

babies are all different, but it is possible to have one that sleeps well, and prefers a quiet feed at night to the all-out party that ds think it is.

I also cringe when I think about how naive I was, yet I was utterly oblivious and thought I could read up, do my research, have all the answers. It was so clear to me that we would do a "dream feed" at 11pm and of course baby would duly sleep through til the 2am feed... DS had different ideas!

Also, I was completely unprepared for the "I will not sleep unless in your arms" that really threw me. I assumed you could just put a baby down for a minute without unleashing a wailing banshee.

Oh yes I've been on the end of the unsolicited advice about how to get them to sleep and that children should be taught to behave in restaurants from an early age.

I have to suppress a smile, my three children all sleep better and are better behaved in restaurants than hers. [I am very, very smug - secretly about this but she really was a pain about]. She has never referred back to it but is a bit less judgemental now, just a bit though.

Unless of course she is a horrible person in which case anything goes.

I hate getting unsolicited criticism from my sister who does not have children. I hate it so much.

but if she was planning to have a baby and do it all differently, I'd still hope it went well for her iyswim. I couldn't wish unhappiness or a crying baby on anyone - I had a great sleeper last time but this one won't be put down!

I had totally unrealistic expectations of my PFB. Luckily, she's an angel and they were all fulfilled (sleeping through basically straight away, BFing easily, wearing cloth nappies from birth etc etc). Then I got lots of people smugly saying that once DC2 came along (eighteen months after PFB), I'd learn what it was really like/have my work cut out for me/be like having twins. He was, if possible, even easier. Newborn + toddler = easy as pie. Only arse was having to use a double pushchair.

Yup, I lucked out, but I wouldn't count your smug chickens yet. Mind you, the terrible twos and threes synchronising has been a bit of a mare. Easy babies haven't become easy toddlers!