Joy in Friendship

When I became a stay at home mom, I had to build my friendship network from scratch. I made some mistakes along the way, but I learned some great lessons on friendship.

We’re all insecure.

Here’s the truth. Most women are insecure. We’re all nurturing some weird social fear left over from junior high.

My neighbor used to want to ride WITH someone for our girls night out parties. She was afraid of walking into a restaurant alone. She said that she always worried that people would change the location and not tell her.

That worked great, because I was always worried that we’d be at the right location, but that everyone would get up and leave when I walked in.

Our other neighbor? She was afraid we were sneaking around having dinners without inviting her – just so we could talk about her behind her back.

See? Each of us was walking into the party with our own irrational insecurities.

But they all boil down to the same basic thing –

What if no one really likes me?

We all want to be liked for who we are.

We all want someone to see us for who we really are and to STILL like us once they know us.

We want someone to like us MORE once they know us.

Becoming friends is kind of like dating in this respect. We gradually reveal ourselves to see how the other person responds.

We don’t like judgement, selfishness, or gossip.

When we take a risk and reveal a little bit of ourselves, we want the other person to respond with acceptance.

It’s nice when they reciprocate.

Just like dating, our friendships shouldn’t be one sided. You didn’t like spending the entire date listening to some silly boy talk about cars.

It’s not nice when they gossip.

We don’t want to be friends with the parasite.

You know who I mean. There’s one in every crowd.

She may be the needy kind that’s always asking to be bailed out of a crisis.

She may be the emotional kind that monopolizes every conversation with her sob story of the day.

She may be the toxic kind that gossips and tears down everything and everyone.

Whatever her specialty, you know her when you meet her. Every encounter leaves you drained and exhausted. She has sucked you dry.

We want to feel good.

We like to be around people who make us feel good about ourselves.

We like friends who believe in us and encourage us.

We like friends who make us laugh, who listen to us, and who make us feel special.

We want to trust.

We want to trust our friends, to know that they won’t share our secrets.

We want to know that they’ll keep their promise and show up for a lunch date.

We want to know that even if they see us at our very worst, they will still love us.

To have a friend, be a friend.

Since I’m looking for friends who accept me for who I am, don’t gossip, are trustworthy, and who make me feel good about myself it seems pretty straight forward.

When I’m with other women, I need to be accepting, trustworthy, balanced, not gossip, and make the other women feel good about themselves. I need to keep my own drama to a minimum and to not act like a parasite.

Friendship should be treasured.

I’ve learned that friendship isn’t automatic. Just like dating, it takes time to blossom. I have to invest into the relationship if I want it to go anywhere.

And just like dating, not every friendship is destined to be a long-term thing.

I treasure my friends.

What’s your take? Do you have a secret to finding and nurturing great friendships?

[author] [author_image timthumb=’on’]http://thishappymom.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/DSC_0036.jpg[/author_image] [author_info]Houston Mom Blogger Susan Baker has a passion for encouraging weary worn out mothers to find joy in everyday motherhood. She has two elementary school boys, one engineering husband, and one cat. She has a strange fascination for eggs, socks, and books. She spends far too much time on Social Media and at Target. She is crazy in love with her family. She serves an amazing God. She lives an ordinary life filled with wonder. [/author_info] [/author]

I have a passion for encouraging weary worn out mothers to find joy in everyday motherhood and peace in unlikely places. I have two elementary school boys, one nerdy husband, and two cats. I have a strange fascination for bad puns, the color pink, socks, and books. I worry about running out of toilet paper, wine, and chocolate.. I serve an amazing God. I live an ordinary life filled with wonder.