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Girls are kind of assholes.

Every single guy out there will understand exactly what I mean. Well, most guys.

Girls are hypocrites about pretty much everything. Especially when it comes down to you being friends with the girl AND being friends with the guy they’re dating too.

And this comes into play especially when they break up.

Look. I don’t mind talking to you if you’re upset, or pissed off, or whatever. I really don’t. Truthfully, I actually enjoy helping other people out. Quite a lot, even though it seems like I’m this giant douche to everyone. You’ll (hopefully) understand afterwards.

But here’s something I’m not going to do for you. I’m not going to stop being friends with the guy just because you broke up. I’m just not going to do it. It’s not going to happen. If he treated you like shit, then yea, I’ll agree with you and talk to you about that. But I will NOT stop being his friend, ok? I didn’t date, we didn’t break up, he didn’t treat me like shit. So don’t expect me to hate him just because you do. It’s not going to happen, sorry.

I also will not play detective for you. I’m not going to report to you his every move, who he hangs out with, what he does. THat’s his business, not mine. And I’m not going to get into the middle of something or have my name thrown out there because I told you he was hanging out with that bitch Amanda at last friday’s party. I don’t even know Amanda. She’s none of my concern. I feel like if he wanted to let you know what he was doing, he would tell you. Because I sure as hell won’t.

I can’t stand to be put in the middle of anything that happens between you to. I’ll talk to you when he’s being an asshole, but just know that if you bitch to me, I’m going to bitch back. Not necessarily about you or the situation, but just shut the fuck up and listen. I did it for you, at least be courteous enough to do the same in return.

Look. If you guys have dated multiple times, and each time it ends in you crying because he’s a giant egotistical asshole, then IT’S NEVER GOING TO WORK. EVER.

Got it? Move the fuck on. Get the fuck over him. For the sake of everyone, just fucking forget about it.

Thank you.

Now, here is something I will never understand.

Why do you put up with so much shit from a guy?

He treats you like shit, he only ever wants to get into your pants, he lies to you all the time, and the only time you talk to each other is when it’s convenient for him.

Oh, so you’re in “love” with him?

Are you really?

Really?

Exactly. You’re not. And even if you are, that is still no justification to put up with bullshit. Believe me, I put up with bullshit for years before I realized I was better off not dealing with it.

Look, I’m not the nicest guy, but believe me, I can be nice.

But I’m not going to try and be nice to you, because I know I’ll just get taken advantage of and end up hating you in a few months.

So no. I’m not going to be nice to you.

First off, saying nice guys finish last is utter bullshit. It’s just bullshit. It’s just not true.

If you’re a nice guy, and you finish last, you didn’t try hard enough.

When it comes to a girl I like, I will go out of my way to do things that make her happy. No questions asked. But there’s a limit. There has to be a limit. If there’s no limit, then you’ll get sucked into doing shit you didn’t even know you would ever do.

But see, I’ve come to learn that there’s a fine line between being a girls best friend, and being a girls interest. Yes, maybe one day you’ll go from being her best friend to becoming her boyfriend, and so on and so forth. But for now, you’re her go-to when she’s upset, mad, happy, whatever. And you know what? Be there. Don’t judge. Just be there. You’re going to have to have to put up with seeing her go through boyfriends like it’s her job, and it’s going to frustrate the hell out of you. But suck it buttercup. Deal with it. She’ll soon realize who was there the whole time, who she really had the best times with, all that good stuff. But right now, you’ve just gotta be there.

Girls, you like that kind of shit, don’t you? Yea, it’s great. But don’t fuck us over, because it’ll be hard for you to earn our trust back if ever. Don’t feed false hope into us, and don’t tell us you like us if you don’t. Don’t tell us you like us because Johnny’s being an asshole and we’re the only ones that are willing to put up with your whining. Don’t do it. Because we’re going to eventually realize that we like a hell of a lot more than we should, and it’s going to turn into this big huge thing where you end up telling us you don’t like us like that, and then we’ll hate you. Well actually, we still absolutely adore you, but we’ll become a giant dick to you. But don’t say it’s not deserved. Girls honestly love any boyfriend they’ve been in a relationship with for longer then 2 weeks. But when most guys tell you they love you, they fucking mean. And no, we’re not going to get over it as fast as you, so shut up about how I need to get over it. It’s not going to happen.

Now see, when you fuck over a dude, we take that shit personally. Honestly. We don’t show our emotions as easily as you do, but that’s just because we’re afraid of:

Being fucked over. Again.

Getting made fun of by our friends for being a bitch. Oh, it happens, and it sucks. Unless you have friends that feel the same as you. Otherwise cry alone buddy.

Sometimes we’re afraid that you think we actually care about certain things you have to say. If we just nod our heads and say “Yea”, we probably don’t give a shit. Honestly. We don’t care about your stupid T.V. shows, we just wanna watch ESPN. So shut the hell up, PLEASE.

Finally, we don’t wanna show you that sometimes you’re the one thing holding us together. Yea, we have moments where we break down and realize that shit’s not going our way, and it never will. Just let us have those moments to ourselves unless we come to you by ourself.

Look, I hate talking about ANYTHING. Feelings especially. But if I come and talk to you about how I feel, don’t be a judgmental dick, just fucking listen. And no, I don’t want to know what you think unless I ask. I really don’t.

If we, as men, put our trust in you about anything, and especially if you know EVERYTHING, don’t betray that trust. Just don’t. Because then we’ll hate you. And when we hate someone, we always hate them.

Girls, if we can trust you with how we feel and how fucked up we are, then for all of the God’s sake, trust us too. We’re trustworthy, and, we’re not girls, and we’re not interested in other peoples life’s, so we’re not going to gossip. Especially because we know none of our friends really give a flying fuck about what we have to say.

So, I’m going to propose something that is just going to fucking blow your mind.

Girls, stop telling us you love us if you just want us to put up with your bullshit while you date dudes who treat you like shit and call you a bitch every five seconds and argue with you about everything, and we as men will try to be more open with our feelings and shit and maybe one day we’ll all get along better.

Stop being assholes girls, and we’ll stop whatever we’re doing.

But I’m not going to drop everything I’m doing to listen to you bitch about how shitty your situation is because you put yourself there and now you’re realizing that it truly is as shitty as we told you.