Natsuki was getting used to certain things while being Shizuru’s roommate. A lot of them had to do with the otherworldly different schedules the two of them had, and that when one of them came from a particularly hard day of classes, they may not be up for more than a cup of tea of coffee. It had been an ordeal to work things out between the two of them and find equilibrium so they had time to spend with each other.

Be that as it may, two students, one dealing with her college entrance exams and the other dealing with her second year of university were generally tired folk. The rare days off were normally spent sleeping in and watching movies on the couch instead of rising early and going out on a proper date. It suited them just fine though Natsuki figured. Nothing wrong with spending the afternoon cuddling with your girlfriend. Nothing wrong at all.

Sharing the same bed hadn’t really been a problem once the two of them sorted out how they slept. It just so happened to work out that Natsuki liked to hold things in her sleep, and Shizuru liked to be held. Sometimes the arrangement was reversed, but Natsuki enjoyed the simple joy that was Shizuru’s head pillowed on her chest, or burying her nose in her hair after a long day of classes.

But, with sleep came nightmares.

Which was the case tonight it seemed.

Natsuki was jolted from her sleep in a flash when the girl in her arms shoved herself away from her with a strangled cry. She sat up and blinked, trying to make her eyes focus in the dark shadows of the room. “Shizuru?” she called, her voice hoarse with sleep, still trying to hide where her girlfriend had thrown herself in her fit, groping across the expanse of the bed sheets to try to find the older girl. She heard a whimper in response to her call.

“Shizuru come on,” she called again, twisting in the sheets to try reach the girl. Finally her hand connected with a hip and she shifted to try to engulf the girl in a hug, but found herself abruptly pushed back forcefully. “Wha…Shizuru?” Natsuki attempted to right herself and then grunted, reaching to the bedside to turn the small lamp on. When the room lit with a dim light she felt her heart ache.

Shizuru had curled herself up tightly in a ball, rigid as her body shook slightly. Natsuki could see the tear trails on her cheeks and the pallor that told her that this one was bad. Some of her bangs were stuck to her forehead from sweat and the shuddering breaths were painful to listen to.“Hey…She reached out slower this time, hurt when Shizuru recoiled from the touch with a horrified expression, “Shizuru what’s wrong? Come on,” Natsuki’s worried now, and this time she scoots closer without actually trying to touch her lover, trying to ease her back to calm.

Shizuru takes a shuddering breath and shakes her head. In a voice so small Natsuki almost misses it she whispers, “I don’t deserve any of this.”

Natsuki feels the familiar clench in her stomach at these words. She had figured that was the cause of this. It always was. Normally it was enough though, for her to just hold her close and whisper soothing words to her. This time she frowned and gestured to the room. “What about this don’t you deserve Shizuru? What about this world that you freakin’ saved do you th-” Natsuki never gets to finish her thought though because Shizuru interrupts her.

“Because I didn’t save it!” Her words are broken and hoarse, “Because all I did in the end was add to the carnage, killing people and hurting people and never actually doing anything that was worth any merit!” She shakes her head furiously, her fingers clenched in her yukata tighter than it should be allowed. “Because secretly, in a place of my mind I don’t like to think about, I know I might do it again. That I might, without even knowing it loose my mind and slip up and my god I could hurt you Natsuki,” her words are rushed and wavering and the tears are fresh in her eyes. “Why did I get a second chance when all I did was cause pain?”

They sat in silence for a few moments, Natsuki’s mouth slightly agape as she tried to formulate a response to the question. She ran a hand through her hair and sighed. “Look Shizuru. We all fucked up. Okay? All of us. You, me, Mai, Mikoto…All of us,” Natsuki feels the familiar lump in the back of her throat at the thought of all the soldiers that died the day Mai went up to stop Artemis. She thinks of the innocent people she disregarded on the ship when trying to stop Mikoto from going to Fuuka Academy. Even feels terrible for all the things she should have done to prevent everything from going to hell and back in the final days of the Festival. “You may have screwed up, yeah. But it’s not all of us didn’t do something bad,”

Shizuru took this in for a moment before she answered, “Natsuki. I killed not only three old women, but many others who I had no real qualm with besides that you hated them. Not only that, but I tried to-” her voice catches in her throat and her eyes are painful to look at, “I tried to force my feelings onto you as if you were an object Natsuki. An object. Not the girl I fell in love with, but an object that I could break if I wasn’t satisfied with it,”

Natsuki bites her lip and scoots closer again, noticing Shizuru didn’t try to move away, “Okay, so you tried to kill me,” she says it with such ease that the other girl flinches as she moves to sit in front of her girlfriend’s knees, “But I did kill you. And me,” she leans in closer, “So what does that make me huh?”

Shizuru was quick to protest, “But you-”

“No Shizuru. What makes what I did so different from what you did? You may have killed people you never knew, but I killed my best friend,” she leans in closer, “My most precious person,” She places her hands on top of Shizuru’s where they rest on her knees. “Shizuru, I went into that fight knowing I was going to kill you. You were just reacting to what I was doing,” a careful, and gentle smile crosses Natsuki’s face, “So what does that make me?”

Shizuru’s eyes widen and she blinks, stunned into silence for the first time in a very long while. Natsuki’s hands tighten on top of her own and her smile grows warmer, “So yes, we’re all murdering teenage girls…Besides Alyssa, Yukariko and Midori,” she added offhandedly, “But think about it. We were given a second chance for a reason, you know?” noticing the tension dissolving from Shizuru’s form she pulls the girl into a hug, “So don’t worry about it okay? Guilt doesn’t suit you Fujino,”

Shizuru clings to Natsuki’s nightshirt and sniffles, “You must think I’m so weak Natsuki. To see me like this over a bad dream,” she murmured, nuzzling her head into the crook of her lover’s neck.

Natsuki chuckles, “Come on Shizuru, we all have nightmares. You know I’ve had my share too,” she runs a soothing hand up and down Shizuru’s back, “’Sides, it’s part of my job isn’t it? As a girlfriend I mean. To comfort you when you aren’t feeling too hot,” she added, feeling Shizuru’s cheeks warming against the side of her neck slightly.

“Ikezu…” Shizuru pouts, and lifts her head to look at Natsuki’s grinning form, “Natsuki is too kind,” she tilts her head and steals the grin from Natsuki’s lips with a kiss, lingering for a moment or two before pulling back slightly. She lets out a shuddering breath and cups the back of Natsuki’s neck in her hands and pulls her in for another kiss, lingering enough press their lips together, twice, thrice…she decides it doesn’t quite matter how many it’s been now as she feels Natsuki’s hands wrap about the small of her back and pull her close.

Natsuki finally pulls back far enough to open hazy eyes, “Shizuru?” another kiss is pressed to her lips, “Why so suddenly mphf…” she is cut off by a pair of more persistent lips, “What the heck?” she manages to get in before another light kiss is placed on her lips.

“Well, I’m only trying to repay Natsuki’s kindness with interest,” Shizuru explained, running one of her hands through Natsuki’s hair with a content sigh, “Since Natsuki seems more than willing to play the part of the caring girlfriend, she wouldn’t mind if I were to kiss her all night would she?”

“Mpf…” Natsuki’s face flushed red as she leaned back on the palm of the hand that wasn’t wrapped around Shizuru’s waist, “We do need sleep you know. I’ve got a lot of classes tomorrow, and don’t you have a morning lecture?” she mused.

“Ara, then why is Natsuki’s hand trying to slip under my obi? I do feel that you know,” Shizuru countered, giggling when Natsuki’s hand suddenly jerked away from her waist and her face flushed deeper. She pushed the two of them down to the mattress and pulled the covers over their bodies, “Though, Natsuki makes a good point. Classes are in the morning and it would be a shame to miss them,” a light kiss was pressed to Natsuki’s stunned lips, “Good night Natsuki,” she bid, curling up against the shocked girl.

It was a few moments before Natsuki spoke, “Hey, Shizuru?” a hum met her question. She rolled over on top of the crimson eyed girl, feeling slightly tricked by the sparkling eyes, but wasn’t too inclined to care.

“Yes Natsuki?”

“Classes can wait tomorrow,”

“Oh?”

“Yeah. I didn’t feel like going in tomorrow anyways,”

A melodious laugh met her words and lithe arms wrapped around her kiss to pull her in for a kiss, “I had a feeling you’d come around eventually,” Shizuru mused, tracing the outline of Natsuki’s face as the girl groped for the lamp switch to shut it off.

“Yeah well, I have to prove to a certain someone that they aren’t a monster and that the girl who killed her really does love her, you know?” she listened as Shizuru sucked in an uneasy breath and ghosted a kiss on her forehead, “It’s the truth Shizuru, I do love you you know,”

“I know,” Shizuru’s voice is watery all over again, “And I love Natsuki too. Very much,” she answers, “And I completely forgive her for everything she did,” she added, pulling her down for a kiss.

“I forgive you too Shizuru. Tenfold,” came the heated whisper, and Natsuki smiled softly when the girl below her uttered a soft sob, “And I intend to make sure you know that all the time,” she promised, kissing the tears away softly, “Because that’s what a good girlfriend does, isn’t it?”

“Ikezu…” Shizuru pouts, and lifts her head to look at Natsuki’s grinning form, “Natsuki is too kind,” she tilts her head and steals the grin from Natsuki’s lips with a kiss, lingering for a moment or two before pulling back slightly.

“Ara, then why is Natsuki’s hand trying to slip under my obi? I do feel that you know,” Shizuru countered, giggling when Natsuki’s hand suddenly jerked away from her waist and her face flushed deeper.

It was a few moments before Natsuki spoke, “Hey, Shizuru?” a hum met her question. She rolled over on top of the crimson eyed girl, feeling slightly tricked by the sparkling eyes, but wasn’t too inclined to care.

“Yes Natsuki?”

“Classes can wait tomorrow,”

“Yeah well, I have to prove to a certain someone that they aren’t a monster and that the girl who killed her really does love her, you know?” she listened as Shizuru sucked in an uneasy breath and ghosted a kiss on her forehead, “It’s the truth Shizuru, I do love you you know,”