11 responses to “495. DATING 7: Formalities”

“The more casual her approach to accepting dates, the more likely he assumes she accepts casual sex.”

Would you kindly elaborate? Do you mean she says “hmmmmm”, or “I don’t know, or “Let me think about it” before accepting a date, or do you mean she says “yes- that would be nice” to an offer for a date as long as it meets her requirements (like he picks her up, they go OUT, he sees that sh gets home, he pays, etc etc), and “No” to offers for dates where he does not meet her requirements like he expects her to meet him near where he is, or expects her to come to his place, expects to go dutch, etc etc.

Your Highness Easybreezy,
I see both your examples as too considerate to be casual. I see casual when her eagerness dampens formalities, desperation erases caution, and she accepts excitedly to avoid risk of offending him. IOW, easy for him.
Guy

Gosh this post is soooo true. I talked to a jock my freshman year in college who told me plainly, “I don’t date girls.” That struck me as odd to say in our very frst phone convo, but he was just being honest,

What bugs me is that a generation or three ago, everyone presumed, expected, that a decent woman would hold out until til her wedding night. Now…? “What kind of a freak are you, anyway?”

Princess Laura,

“What kind of a freak are you, anyway?” What level of disrespect does that transmit? For her gender? For her?

You dramatically confirm this: (1) Masculine gender respect for female gender fades on the availability or builds on the lack of premarital sex. It works the same way between individuals.

(2) Considering that men now have much less restraint and greater uncensored freedom dealing with females, male dominance grows ever more dominant. It’s the exact opposite result of what radical feminists set out to accomplish and feminists so eagerly supported.

Some women actually think you don’t like them if you don’t try to get in their pants right away. It’s hard to believe, but I have gone out with women who think like this.

One time I went out with a woman who mentioned something from the book, “He’s Just Not That Into You,” that a man isn’t that into a woman if he isn’t sleeping with her. She mentioned this on the second date. This woman claimed that she was looking for her husband, but she really turned me off. For this and other reasons that I won’t discuss here, I thought she wasn’t “marriage material” or even “girlfriend material” and I stopped seeing her without sleeping with her.

“He’s Just Not That Into You,” that a man isn’t that into a woman if he isn’t sleeping with her.

Ahh…that explains it. That was one of the taglines for the movie that recently came out, and I didn’t understand where *that* one came from! It seemed way weird…counter-intuitive to me…but I’m into waiting, so la la la. I didn’t read the book since most of it was stuff I already knew/practiced. I missed the “sleeping with you” bit!

Duskin, your date already date-fouled by even *mentioning* that book, period, on the SECOND date. What was that about!?! She’s got baggage…and it isn’t the Louis Vuitton kind, either. ;> Smart move on your part to abort mission!

I actually know of a woman who is in her mid-30s and meets men on one of the Internet dating websites (maybe match.com). Supposedly she is looking for a husband, although I think her approach is all wrong. She’s professionally successful and is fairly physically attractive. However, she sleeps with guys on the first or maybe second date and then never hears from them again. I don’t understand why she sleeps with guys that she supposedly wants to marry right away, because they clearly lose respect for her.

She recently had a broke down crying and asked her friend whether she was ever going to meet anyone. I suspect she thinks she “deserves” a hot guy and doesn’t want to settle; what she doesn’t seem to realize is that someone marrying her would also be doing quite a bit of “settling.”

I have a friend who also sleeps with men very early on- first, second, third date. Her philosophy is that its better to do that early because after the act if they really like you they will stick around. If they don’t they won’t want a relationship. I guess she doesn’t mind if the men she sleeps with don’t want to see her after a romp or two. She tends to get clingy then after she gets the point, she lets it go. She doesn’t seem to be too affected by it all because some men DO stay…her current beau seems to really like her.

Ah…but check her in, say, another 5 to 10 years–if she’s still doing the same things AND still single. I’d put all my money on the table that she’s gonna be 1) bitter and 2) blaming *men* for *her* singleness.

Maybe- but I know another girl who did the same thing (while the guy who wanted to marry her waited in the wings so she could so her oats so to speak), and now she is married to that guy who was waiting for her the whole time.

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