T2 ft. Jodie: 'Heartbroken'

Yorkshire became the musical hot-spot of the UK at the turn of the decade. The Kaisers' pop-yelp booted down the door for the likes of The Cribs and the Arctic Monkeys and everything was rosy up in t'North for a while. Then came the second wind, with pale imitators and watered-down rehashes of the above trio sneaking into radio playlists and gallivanting around the place as if they owned it. Pigeon Detectives and Milburn, you have been warned. T2 have seemingly arrived not only to poke fun at the idea of a 'nu-Yorkshire' scene, but to well and truly destroy it with this super-speed garage monstrosity.

With a woman, going by the name of Jodie, dealing out some nasal, high-pitched warbling that even the squealing Akon would surely consider indecent, the track is teeth-grindingly irritating from about three seconds in. Faintly reminiscent of various Ayia Napa and Ibiza anthems from years gone by (notably Shanks And Bigfoot's 'Sweet Like Chocolate'), the only way to endure this track is probably by necking eight bottles of Smirnoff Ice and finding yourself some well-lubricated 'ibeeeffa' holiday-maker to tangle tongues with for three minutes. The 2-step bassline has apparently had Northern club nights kicking off for several years. There must be something in the water up there. It's certainly catchy, but so is foot and mouth, and nobody goes out celebrating that.