01 December, 2006

Warping reality one "kids" movie at a time

I was never much for Disney movies growing up. I remember seeing a few; Beauty and the Beast, Aladin, etc. I never realized until recently that there is something really disturbing about Disney animation: many of the characters, though mostly normal in appearance, have something significantly off about them. I'm not talking about the talking clock or the blue genie, the talking animals or fantasy creatures. I'm speaking more to the human-esque animated characters, such as Tinkerbell. That little pixie is fucking disturbing, but she's not alone. Her forehead is shaped like a Chinook Indian, a fact she compensates with a cleverly placed swath of blonde hair. She's not alone, either.

Jasmine, for example, has disturbingly deep sunken eyes, which are disproportionate to her face to begin with. All of the female characters have those horribly shaped heads, impossibly thin waists, and the tiniest feet ever. Conversely, the male characters come in a broader array of shapes which are only equaled by some shit in formaldehyde you'd see at the Mutter museum. Gaston, Belle's muscular suitor, has shoulders at LEAST 4 times as wide as his hips, if not more. He is incredibly top heavy, his legs accounting for only a third of his body.

The thought train which brought this idea to the post above traveled this route: I was at work, and there was a pink Tinkerbell mug in the sink. I was washing my travel mug and happened to look down and make eye contact with Tink. I thought "wait a second, I thought she was hot..." The picture on the mug was a very unflattering rendering of Tink, and it made me think about the other disturbing animated characters from Walt's perspective-skewing industry.

I still think that despite her faults, Ariel is the most attractive Disney character.

I really resent the fact that the chocolate covered coffee beans I got from Bucks County coffee last week (which I still have in my desk drawer and eat intermittently) are labeled 'Grazing Snacks.' It makes me feel distinctly bovine. It also almost got me in trouble when the girl in front of me yesterday picked up the 'healthy' oatmeal nut and fruit mix. You see I almost laughed out loud, because while I only feel distinctly bovine eating that stuff, she embodied the phrase. I mean she was fat.

Also, when I searched for Bucks County Coffee on Google, I found a series of images from the exact shop that I frequent, apparently taken by a UPenn/Drexel student who used to go there as well.

This morning while listening to my ipod at work I heard the album version of Doughty's "Tremendous Brunettes" and caught, for the first time, the fact that Dave Matthews does the backing vocals. I mostly listen to his live recordings, on which Matthews does not appear. It was odd because I have listened to that album so many times, I don't know how I missed it until now. I've been listening to his song "Sunken Eyed Girl" a lot recently. Great rhythm to it, really upbeat.

I'm thinking about joining this website qloud.com to accompany my membership at last.fm. I love going to last.fm to check such irrelevant things as what I listened to on a certain week last year. Qloud is more of a recommendation site though, and I generally prefer to expose myself to new music in other ways. I don't do too well with discovering artists on the internet. Quite the opposite of the rest of Americans my age, it seems.

I've noticed that I share a sense of humor with whoever conjures up the headlines on ESPN.com. There have been several choice headlines from this week, which are conveniently assembled in a photo grouping above. Check out the third screen shot. There are 3(!) great headlines on that page along. Anyone who knows me knows why I find these titles appealing. Why can't I have THAT job? Honestly...

there's tons of disturbing imagery in disney flicks, like their vendetta against moms. Assuming the mom doesn't flat out die (a la Bambi, Alladin, etc.), they end up forced into having sex with the bad guy (Lion King) or getting the shit beat out of them (Peter Pan... actually, that's a stretch, but their dad had major anger problems. i'm betting he beat his kids/wife).

I've never found much sinister intent in the movies of Disney (not that i've gone looking, either), but it is almost a crime that they are so much better known than the works of Hayao Miazaki. Spirited Away and My Neighbor Totoro are better movies than Disney has ever made, or could ever hope to make.