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SONG/SKIT: The Trickle Down Lullaby

STAGE DIRECTIONS:
A middle-class fellow pushes a baby carriage onstage. He takes that day’s newspaper out of the carriage and opens it to the lottery page. The fellow takes a Lotto ticket out of his pocket and checks the numbers. He crumples the ticket and hurls it into the carriage.
We hear the baby start crying. The man sighs and unbuttons his shirt.
He gently scoops the baby (a doll) out of the carriage and shushes it. He suckles the sobbing babe against his nipple.
Daddy begins to sing, “The Trickle Down Lullaby,” a cappella, to the tune of “Mockingbird.”

Hush, little baby, don’t you shout
Daddy’s gonna open a bank account

And if that bank account don’t pay
Daddy’s gonna open an IRA

And if that IRA goes bust
Daddy’s gonna buy himself a trust

And if that trust goes on the rocks
Daddy’s gonna buy some blue-chip stocks

And if those stocks they don’t respond
Daddy’s gonna buy a Shearson bond

And if that bond begins to slip
Daddy’s gonna form a partnership

And if he don’t incorporate
Daddy’s gonna buy some real estate

And if the market is depressed
Daddy’s gonna open a small business

And if it all gets out of hand
Daddy’s gonna buy some Krugerrands

And if those Krugerrands don’t grow
Daddy’s got a tip at Pimlico

And if that horse runs out of steam
Daddy’s gonna play the slot machine

And if that slot machine don’t purr
Daddy’s gonna hock the furniture

And if their value don’t go higher
Daddy’s gonna set the house on fire

STAGE DIRECTIONS:
Whistling the tune, daddy tucks the pistol into the carriage and pushes the pram offstage.

******************NOTES & BACKSTORY:
Not so much a slam at Reaganomics as just a dark look at what happens when people run out of options, “The Trickle-Down Lullaby” is the rare song of mine that I intended to be more chilling than amusing.