9 Years After Divorce

Nine years after my divorce, my ex husband and his new girlfriend started the process of alienation. At the time my children were 10 and 13. I had missed about 10 events in 9 years. My ex and I had an awsome relationship. We would sit with each other at games and events, even rode together to out of town events. But once he met this woman that all changed.

They met early in 2005, I was behind on my child support about $1,200. and was trying to get caught up. He started harrassing me about it, then tried to take my driving privilages away because of it. My attorney made arrangements with Child Support Recovery, so then he started taking time away from me. In the divorce, I only had every other weekend, and every other holiday, but for 9 years he allowed me to have them over night on Wed. So that was the first thing to go.

Then I would pick them up after school and he started making me wait until 6pm. When I talked to them on the phone it had to be on speaker. The children quit sitting with me at thier events unless it was my weekend, then, that stopped. If it was my weekend, they still sat with the new girlfriend and their dad. They began to ignore me when I would come to events.

They were in every sport, all year. This had always been, and I used to think at least I got to see them when it wasn't my weekend. Then the aggression from their father and his girlfriend started at events. They would corner me up against walls, forcing the children to watch, as they told me I was a piece of crap, how I didn't pay for the events and shouldn't be allowed to come. I was a hemmoroid that wouldn't go away and the children would be better off without me. My ex would have his fists doubled up threatening me and would force the children to watch. He harrassed school teachers, coaches, other parents. Everyone was afraid to help, no one wanted in the middle. They would plan extra sporting events on my weekends out of town, sometimes out of state and the children didn't want me to attend after about 8 months of this behavior.

I tried to get the kids in counseling, forcing it through the court system, only to find out they had been going for 4 months, in that 4 month time, my children had totally regressed. While at my house, they would just go to their rooms and not speak to me. It was very painful to see healthy emotionally children turn into scared children. Thier father began calling them the whole time they were with me, over and over asking if they want to come home. When I finally met the counselor, she told me about PAS. She started to try and get reunification going, they stopped coming.

The judge gave all rights to the counselor, she was supposed to distribute visitation back to me as she saw fit. I have pushed them into counseling with 3 different counselors since. They just stop going. They return cards, letters, gifts. I haven't seen them accept in counseling 5 times in 4 years. My daughter graduated High School last month, I didn't get to see it. My son will graduate in 3 years. Once again I will be taking my ex back to try and get my son in counseling, this seems to never end.

And as typical PAS, they haven't seen my other daughter in 4 years, nor have they ever met thier nephew and haven't seen thier niece since she was 3 months old. My parents got to go to the graduation, but they hadn't seen the kids for 4 years prior to that. When they showed up at my parents to give tickets to the graduation, my parents didn't even recognize them.

Heres an update. The woman who was his girlfriend, he married August of 2005. He beat her up infront of my children in 2007and was arrested for it. They were divorced Oct of 2008. She left him for the man whose child she was carrying. Yet the alienation still goes on.

I am no angel, but have been a recovering Alcoholic for 5 years. My children told their counselor they never remember seeing me drink. And for that I am greatfull. I owe any amount of sanity that I have through this to God, and the program of Alcoholics Annonymous. Thank you for letting me share.

I sympathize with you/your situation. All things happen with a cause. There are causes that you can control and are those you cannot. For you, you can't control or can't influence too much on how your ex-husband teach the kids not to alienate themselves from you.The other cause, correct me if I'm wrong, I think you lost custody of the kids due to the fact you were addicted to alcohol (?). This cause you could control but you failed to do so. You are responsible for this. Yes, you need to beat yourself up for some time. But after that, there're hope. You can write the kids letters/talk to them about your mistakes but you have tried so hard to stay clean and always love and support them. They might not read once, or discard these letters, but one day, when they have their own kids, they will realize it. Too late then? It maybe you already pass away when they realize, but I'm sure they will teach their kids the correct way learning from grandma, please be patient. I hope you have all the strength, thank you for sharing the story that we all can learn, as the same time we can all support you.

this story both broke my heart and made me think I'm currently dealing with something I'm unsure of with my daughter whose 10.I raised her fulltime until 2012 I got in trouble and was in jail/treatment for a delivery charge. I messed up but I love n loved my kids and always took care of them. they to never seen drugs or even exposed in any way to them or harm I was simply trying to pay my bills, no excuse but now my daughter calls 1time a week to ask to stay home or go to friends doesn't want anything to do with me. in turn I'm not handling it well I'm hurt and angry and prob jealous to....so I get a case of the **** it's. I don't call her, I say fine I don't care if u don't wanna c me, and I get off phone ball my heart out....I've tried to tell her how I feel and that I love her and idk what to do anymore?I fought her dad in court to get visits she isn't even wanting? as well it feels and seems there is pas the New girl friend has alienated daughters dad from my son who also called him dad for 8 some odd years and would go for weekend visits and he no longer will even call my son back....I do.t know what's going on or what to do. I need some advice and help before I end up doing something I'll regret or missing out on everything in her life.....idk how u respond to this I'll add an email cuz I really need the help plz. thank u Jaime. jmeluvstw@gmail.com

Wow, this sounds familiar, please don't give up hope! I divorced my ex husband in 2005 for cheating on me with the woman he married in 2006. He is a doctor and she a nurse, go figure, right. He was great with me and my kids until they married. I haven't seen my kids since late 2006. I have 3 boys, 20, 18 and 14. A long story short, my ex did things to me that are unspeakable, having me arrested for phone harassing, etc. etc. The list is long. Since he is an Emergency Room doctor and she a trauma nurse the list got longer because they do work for DHR, and sewing up the policemen's head when they get hurt, etc. So of course they knew the judges in my small town also. I was at a no win situation. I had no college degree and was a stay at home army wife for 13 years with my kids as we moved around. To make a long story short, I ran out of money fast and since him and I didn't actually go to court ever, I only got 5 years alimony. I will make this brief. I have been through hell and back and even hospitalized a few times for suicide attempts which only made my situation worse. My ex had my parents against me, etc. etc. Here is the good news, keep praying, it does get better. My two oldest are off to college this week in different states. They finally wrote to me and I thought I would never ever see or hear from them again. I had sent them letters a week ago after I had stopped sending stuff a year ago. They understood. They both said that now that they are of age and out of the house, that they can do what they want and they wanted to contact me! I am still in shock, you have no idea! Although, it is not a slam dunk yet and I haven't seen them, I am so proud of them and so happy for them! After nine years of no contact whatsoever, my dreams came true. I still have a 14 year old that I don't think I will hear from until he is of age also, but one can hope. We all still have a long way to go, but this is a start. Hey my 20 year old could have contacted me, but he waited until he was done with local college and off to an out of state college. They had to be away from their step mom to contact me. There Dad told my Mom finally that he is glad they contacted me, what?? He is still so stupid, but I had to finally last year forgive them. Maybe that is why God answered my prayers after being so angry with them for so many years. I don't know, but don't give up hope. I never in my wildest dreams ever thought I would hear from my kids ever! There is hope and it is in their time and God's time. It will happen to you one day too. You will be shocked, amazed and everything I felt. It feels wonderful but we have a long way to go also, but this is a start. Go figure, life, so confusing! Love to you.

My Husband broke up with me 6months ago, I honestly thought that my relationship was healthy. i loved my boyfriend with all my heart when i told him i was pregnant…he starting acting strange. he didn't want me to keep the baby but i could not go through with not having the baby, 2 days later he left the house and he vanished, he dont pick his calls, i could not eat or sleep, i was completely alone and scared, i needed help but dont know what to do. so 3 days later a friend told me about a spell caster robinsonbuckler@yahoo.com, i contacted him and told him my problem and what i wanted and after 3 days he made my boyfriend to change his mind and apologized to me, he accepted the pregnancy and he now loves me like never before

Marriage/Relationship Approval Spell from dr.marnish is amazing and worked very well for me. dr.marnish@yahoo.com solved my Relationship problem just in 3 days. I hope to work with dr.marnish again in the nearest future, if you need help call him +15036626930Lisa Rabiye

Sometimes children voluntarily choose to not have certain people in their life and it's not always fair to blame your ex. Sometimes it's that they don't like you in general or sometimes it's because they are sick of the way you treated them for years and it's not fair to take away their right to choose. My ex wanted me to abort or put my son up for adoption and went absentee for 8 YEARS. Then he shows up with a lawsuit and his "big" "scary" CPS worker for an uncle claiming that I prevented him and saying that out religious beliefs were this "parental alienation" propaganda crap pseudo science? You know that PA is only held as truth by a small amount of mental health professionals, right? Most professionals see it as judicial gray area and many times it's a natural consequences for poor parenting. I don't think so!! If you don't show up for 8 years don't be surprised of the consequences.

My children have been back with me for 2 years. They now live with me and this is by their choice. They both will agree that PAS is what happened to them. I was forced out, didn't leave by choice. I tried several times every year to reconcile with them. PAS IS real, and does happen to many children. Obviously you are on the opposite side of this subject. Im sorry your ex is doing what he has done. But the fact is, it does happen, and did happen to me and my children. What I have learned, is the Alienating parent ends up not having a very strong relationship, if any with the children when they grow up. My son has lived with me for 2 years now, and tho I have tried to encourage him to continue a relationship with his father, he has no interest. I hope you are not passing your opinion of your ex and his absence, and the "court" battle in front of your child. It may come back to bite you in the a$$.

An amazing testimony on a spell caster who brought my wife back to me.. My name is james i live in Australia,and I`m happily married to a lovely and caring wife,with two kids A very big problem occurred in my family seven months ago,between me and my wife so terrible that she took the case to court for a divorce she said that she never wanted to stay with me again,and that she did not love me anymore So she packed out of my house and made me and my children passed through severe pain. I tried all my possible means to get her back,after much begging,but all to no avail and she confirmed it that she has made her decision,and she never wanted to see me again. So on one evening,as i was coming back from work,i met an old friend of mine who asked of my wife So i explained every thing to her,so she told me that the only way i can get my wife back,is to visit a spell caster,because it has really worked for her too So i never believed in spell,but i had no other choice,than to follow her advice. Then she gave me the email address of the spell caster whom she visited.{ideshispelltemple@outlook .com}. So the next morning,i sent a mail to the address she gave to me,and the spell caster assured me that i will get my wife back the next day what an amazing statement!! I never believed,so he spoke with me,and told me everything that i need to do. Then the next morning, So surprisingly, my wife who did not call me for the past seven {5}months,gave me a call to inform me that she was coming back So Amazing!! So that was how she came back that same day,with lots of love and joy,and she apologized for her mistake,and for the pain she caused me and my children. Then from that day,our relationship was now stronger than how it were before,by the help of a spell caster . So, i will advice you out there to kindly visit the same website {ideshispelltemple@outlook.com},if you are in any condition like this,or you have any problem related to "bringing your ex back. So thanks to the ideshispelltemple for bringing back my wife,and brought great joy to my family once again.{ideshispelltemple@outlook.c om}Thanks...

I just recently went through a divorce i have a 9 year old boy and a8 year girl ive notice here lately they dont want to spend time with their mom my ex was given custidual parent could this be pas or do my kids hate me

I haven't held my kids in 3 years I cry everyday I was a great mum they remember nothing of that person. I have 2 boys 19 & 16 a my little girl 13 I almost died having her but god kept me here and now I'm lost to them they really don't care about me if I died tomorrow it would just be another day, why did he do this it was his infidelity that had come out yet I was and I quote a worthless piece of s$&t, one response was the reason dad wasn't around when we were kids was u made him so miserable I had no right of reply I have been tried found guilty and excecuted. I wonder why he still wants control over me .. Will I ever recover from this I can't work I am a recluse I love my children and no words can describe, do they know how much this is hurting me .. If they ever read this mummy loves you xx

this is so my story i cant quit crying. I havent seen my son but 3 whole days this entire summer and i actually have custody......my ex is so domineering and arogant and charms the socks off others. It hurts like hell

When my ex moved out he told me that I had taken his 'children' away from him (I gave him unrestricted access) and that he wouldn't rest until I knew what he felt like.

3 years on, 4 of my young adult children treat me with contempt.

My 22 year old son has stayed consistently detached from the psychotic behaviour of my ex and his siblings. He is so strong and I am determined to stay strong too. But I miss the people my children used to be. Every day is a grief without closure.

I believe that, even if it takes years, they will start to think for themselves. They are good people and nothing can ever take the years we did spend together or the fact that they were (and are) consistently loved by me.

I have been a victim of parental alienation for years now. My ex left me in 04 and had numerous affairs before he divorced and married his final mistress. I am still suffering from this horrible syndrome. Though i never speak a word against him i am constantly accused of doing so. My kids are 19 and 24 and i haven't had a present or a holiday with them in eight years. Before leaving me my ex told me "I will turn them against you and keep them from you for the rest of your life" but yet here i am and they believe him as if he is God. I am to the point where i am going to give up there is no fighting a brainwashed person. There is no reasoning with psychosis and this whole scenario has been psychosis. I think its time for me to give up on this and just consider myself childless its just horrid waiting on something that will never happen for me. Everything i say must go through the filters of psychotic individuals to my son and one of whom is my psychotic daughter. My kids are alcoholics as their dad is. I just don't see hope. I am thinking this relationship is impossible since one person has spent their whole life since our marriage turning our kids against me. Hopeless..... in Texas

I read a book called "Adult children of Parental Alienation Syndrome" the average time it took before the children realized they had been effected by this abuse was 20 years. Unfortunatly, Im sorry this is happeng, to all our children.

You are never hopeless. However there comes a point where you have to grieve the loss and let go. yes these are your children, but they are dysfunctional people and alcoholics. They chose to reject you and to believe the lies of your ex. A person with a strong mind would be able to think for themselves. You know you are a worthwhile person and what your ex says about you are lies. You have to see yourself as you truly are a worthwhile person and let your children go.I had to divorce my mom, in this sense, she was my abuser, and she never admitted what she did, lied about it, turned my own sisters against me.You are not alone.Grieve your loss and move on. it will get better...

GOOGLE BROUGHT ME TO YOUR SITE,,,,while reading your information, I really felt your situation is mine,,,,unfortunately, ,,,,,,I cannot let go of my adult children ,,,the worst of it is now I have grandchildren and my ex is slowing making sure that they hear his view of me, I hardly see my grandkids,,twice per month,,,,my adult kids never come to visit , they just drop off the kids and leave,,,same when picking them back up,,,,,my ex has twisted their mind and formed it to his satisfaction, sadly enough,,,they seem not to want to make their own choices based on his bullshit,,,i feel so lost and just feel like I don't want to live anymore, what the hell do I have to look forward to??????............you know what I mean,,,,,then I google my misery and come to your blog,,,,,,and I want to thank you for taking the time to blog your story because it has made me realize that I do have a future and just because they want no part of it, does not mean that I cannot have a happy future,,,it is kind of strange, but true,,that it helps to know your not alone in this psycho bs.,,,so I am going to take your advice and see myself as a worthwhile person who has a lot to offer and pray that my kids clue in soon,,,,,,i also had to divorce my mother,,,she wished me dead,,,,,,,it seemed like I had the worst people all around me and they all hated me,,for no reason,,????? how crazy is that,,,i was a very good mother, did not drink or anything and worked full time,, took my kids everywhere and put them into everthing,,,,,,my life as a single mom was great until my ex brainwashed them against me,,,,,but I will not let this phycho babble bull **** bother me anymore,,,,they are missing out,,,!!!!!!

My heart is wrenched out of my chest! How can a manipulative, controlling narcisstic guy RUIN two beautiful children!? And here im talking also of mine... My baby boy was 13 when my ex came and got him after i told him he had to do his homework before IPOD time & ive barely seen him since, it keeps slacking up more and more. He already took them every single Christmas. (teaching them that my family dont matter, ) and New Years and Labor Day which are my yearly holidays. Last year on Mothers Day...he didnt even bring them home til Midnite. I was heartbroken!Now hes working on my 16 yr old....More and more i pray that GOD will intervene, I am the best Momma (besides my own) and i was BORN to have sweet kids!

My son is doing much better, more relaxed and spending time with friends. Very responsible with work, he hasn't called in sick or anything in almost a year. School, well he will come home sick, but is still getting good grades. He isn't in a hurry to apply for college, he had been pressured constantly about college by his dad and I just let it go. He has to make his own way. My daughter is coming around, the things that she has been heavily involved in she isn't doing anymore. If you haven't read through all the comments please do, I have updated through out these posts. My daughter came back to see us Thanksgiving 2011 and my son soon followed moving in with me Feb 2012, Don't give up hope, God has ways of working things out. Free will usually isn't Gods will, he allows all of us that. And our ex's practice free will and effect us. My ex and I can actually have a conversation. He isn't a friend, but my kids still love him, and I will not do anything to exhibit the same behavior he had, my children don't need to see that. Keep your head up and work on you while you are going through this. They will need you to be stable, not negative, it is as painful for them as it is for you, they are just displaying it differently. My prayers are with you,

i wonder...how things are going with you? As predicted, my kids are even farther from me now than they were when i posted my reply 16 months ago........ This summer , i have hardly even seen my son at all and my daughter he has made sure he keeps enrolled in things so she cant be with me. Our annual vacations may as well not exist..... My heart breaks and i in fact am trying to get off the couch today, not usually so bad but the last few weeks (SUMMER) have been hard on my soul

I'm glad for my insomnia, I would never have found this out. I also have been dealing with this problem. I haven't seen or spoken to my 19 yr old daughter since May 31,2012 as she drove away with her father and my son to another state. Luckly after 1 day, my baby boy asked to come home!I technically had put up with his verbal and emotion abuse for years. I was 9 years younger and really dumb. I had been asking for a divorce for 5 years prior. I found a great man that Literally the perfect man my mom and dad wanted for me and my sisters to marry, I just wish they lived to meet him. I so wish my daughter was with us, so she also can see we all make mistakes ( I admit I made a lot as well) but you get through things, and something good will happen. So I hold on day after day, will not change my number for any reason in hopes she will call some day. Unfortunate to say, because my son moved back, they both stopped speaking to him as well for about 4 months. Yet I was the one that had to take him to get help. Frankly, they did it because of the financial hit they took. My child support, now having to pay child support, and because of his dad, my son received a government check. Altogether over $1000 a month. Yet they do not blame themselves for the reason my son moved back with me....verbal and emotional abuse from my daughter, and daddy's new girlfriend's 4 kids ages 2-10, just what every 17 year old boy wants, to share his dad. Bless all the men out there that are lifesavers, literally for women who have their hearts pulled out as a part of a game by ex husband. The hand that rocks the cradle, no longer rules the world, it's the one who can cry the most lies. We as moms don't tell our kids our side of the story so they don't see their dads in a negative light, never thinking it would hurt us being the bigger person. Someday they will understand, so they say,but how much hurt will we endure? How may years will we lose?

It's been one year since I've heard my daughter's voice... nearly two years since I've seen her and five years since the alienation began. The entire process has been filled with great losses and countless grief-filled moments. It's hard to believe that she is no longer in my life -- even though she is always in my thoughts. The last time we communicated, I told her that I would always be here... waiting. Friends and family keep telling me that she "will come around". Well, I've already missed out on so many years that I will never get back. In my mind, she's still that 12 year old girl that used to look up to me... not the 16 year old who looks down on me. As 2013 begins, all I can do is hope that she is doing well and that she is happy. As for my resolution... I am going to try to let go of the guilt and to focus on the good memories.

havent seen my kids in 2 and half years. My ex and his family decided they were done with me. While I put my daughter to bed one night in June 2010 my husband sat on the stairs and waited for me, when I closed the door behind me and headed to my sons room my husband gave me a look and then rolled himself down stairs and said I pushed him. I was arrested that night, I thought I would be okay, that justice would prevail, it did not.

Wow I read about PAS by supposed professionals when I had to go to court against my ex 8 years after our divorce but man I had no clue that it actually happened to women as well as men. My ex executed PAS perfectly and now my 2 daughters (21 & 17) hate me and blame me for all things bad in their lives.

God bless you! i have 2 daughters ages 10 and 13. they live with their dad and slowly the time they spend with me is less and less. it breaks my heart. i miss them so much. we used to be so close and now they say they have plans every time i invite them over. at times i feel they hate me. i have been divorced from their dad for 8 years now. i cant understand how a parent could tear a child away from the other parent. it just seems so evil. their dad has remarried. she is 25 and he is 52. my daughters adore her. that also tears at my heart. when i send a text message to my 13 year old she shows the message to her stepmother! i only get one word replies. so i dont know how to deal with this. a part of me says it will pass. i dont know if i should force them to see me. i dont want them hating me more. im so depressed over this. i havent spoken to my girls in a month. they only live 5 minutes away. i miss my girls.

Im sorry for your pain. But Your daughters have choices. A person could choose to accept you and allow you access into their life, or Reject you. If your daughters have rejected you, then you need to accept the rejection, grieve the loss and let them go. They may one day come around, but for now, you need to love yourself and take care of yourself. And try to gain yourself a support system,surround yourself with positive people.

have an update on my status...I never gave up hope, tho some days it seemed nothing would change. Over Thanksgiving of 2011 my daughter who is now 20 came to see me. It has been hard watching her life, all the things the therapists warned us about happening is and has happened. The lifestyle of my child in heart wrenching, and I will not go into it on this blog, but I believe her choices are due to PAS, as we were warned. Anyway, she is in my life and I am truly greatful, no matter how she came back.<br /><br />In Febuary of 2012 my 17 year old son text me and asked if he could live with me. YES!!!! So I am activily in both the lives of my children. My son struggles with getting out and about, he wants to do things, but since he really never was allowed to go places it is sometimes difficult, he has spent many weekends at home infront of his computer, facebook seems to have been his only social life. I insisted he get a job to help pay for gas in his car plus I thought it might help him to actually interact outside of the school environment and virtual life he has had up to this point. <br /><br />We have a long way to go, but it is starting to look up. These kids have been mentally and emotionally abused, they aren't going to come home to us with no issues. I worked my butt off to be prepared for this day, and have not been suprised by any of it, (other than the fact that the day that they came back actually did happen, I was begining to think it wouldn't) I had hoped that the therapists would be incorrect, but they weren't. <br /><br />So fighting and loosing to PAS is only part, you must, I repeat must prepare for the once stable child turned unstable to return, and you must prepare for what that might look like. This will be a life long fight. Recovery is going to be slow. Good luck to all of you who are facing this horrible form of abuse.

Never ever give up! I have been battling PAS with my ex wife for 14 months now and it has been quite grueling. Kids hating me and exhibiting terrible behavior towards me. I haven't had a sleepover in 8 months and have experienced feelings of sadness and utter helplessness as I have had 4 therapists and 4 court dates. The therapist has said in court that my x has alienated my children, that was the silver bullet. The judge has told her that if the kids do not go on all the visitation, she will go to jail and i will get the kids. Amazingly so, she told the children what the judge said. The children are now feeling obligated to do whatever they can to keep their mother out of jail. I am a religious and peaceful person, this has been living hell on earth. The therapist said an amazing thing in court on Thursday, she is not actively alienating the kids against me but she is alienating the kids against me. This means she does not sit and plan this stuff out, she does this and believes it is good parenting or she is doing nothing wrong and that it is me creating the problem. The judge was a great one, a female judge. The judge was very aggressive with my X and held her in contempt; she will be going to jail if the visitations are not complied to or if she hears a peep of an issue out of this. I do believe legal action is the only way to solve PAS. It has cost me all of my savings and much of my 401K. I do feel my x wife is truly an evil person I will never give up on my kids…

I thought that I was the only parent that could go through such hell! My ex and I separated in late 2009 and were ultimately divorced in late 2010. My children were turned against me prior to my leaving the family home and I did not recognize it at the time. At present I have not seen or spoken to my children in 6 months. <br /><br />Though my marriage was not perfect I was a good husband and father. I was able to provide my family with a good life. My ex wife had allowed our children to sleep in our bed until the time that I had left which was allowed for at least the past 14 years. When I tried to put my foot down for the sake of the children and my marriage, my ex wife would tell me that we are close and loving family and that this was normal. During the final month of our marriage my ex wife would sleep in the bed with my boys in their room. Occasionally we tried to sleep in our room alone but the children would always end up in the bed at some point. The intimacy we once shared was destroyed and ultimately we fell out of love. I however blame the destruction on myself and my ex wife. The children did not know any better and were allowed to sleep in the bed with us from an early stage in their lives.<br /><br />During late 2009 and 2010 I had to battle my ex wife on every front. She fought for full custody with supervised visitation for me. I was floored and the battle was costly both financially and emotionally. We were sent to a court appointed evaluator which ultimately granted joint custody but with therapy for myself and my children to help repair the relationship. The children fought the therapy and asked me to let them call me when they wanted to talk or see me. They hit me with this each time we visited. The therapist was not effective and ultimately brought their mother in on the sessions as a way to calm the children during the process. Though the evaluator was able to recognize the PAS, the actual therapist did not. He ultimately made the situation worse for me and the relationship with my children further deteriorated.<br /><br />Fast forward to early 2011. I suffered a stroke and went through many hours of rehabilitation and ultimately was forced to undergo major open heart surgery. The stress I was under was certainly a major contributing factor to my health problems. Today I have regained approximately 80% physical function. I will live the rest of my life under doctor's care and many physical restrictions. The last time I actually saw my children or heard their voices was 2 days prior to my heart procedure. My ex wife decided to text me 1 week after my surgery while i was still in ICU to notify me that my children wanted to see me when I had no company at the hospital. This comment was meant toward my girlfriend who saved my life and opened up her home and life to me. I want it to be clear that I did not know her at the time of my marriage and ultimately met her after my marriage ended and I was living alone. My ex wife has since re-married earlier this summer. In fact the man she married was a friend of ours who also went through a divorce before we did. He spent countless hours with my ex wife and myself on both a professional and personal level. My ex wife hid this relationship from me which existed during our marriage. I trusted this man and never did I imagine that my ex wife would have any interest in him. I however confronted him earlier last year about his feelings for my ex wife after my children had commented about him and he did at that time admit to me his intimate feelings for my ex wife. The comments expressed by the children were the first indication to me that this man had entered my ex wife's life and my children's life prior to my leaving the family home.<br /><br />My ex wife had a plan in place long before our demise. She methodically turned the children against me and at the same time she somehow was able to introduce this man into their lives while I was still at home. When this was finally exposed to me it seem to happen very quickly. My wife expressed to me that this man was a "good Christian man with good morals". I find that to be very contradictory considering he was seeing my ex wife behind my back during our marriage. Also, my ex wife is now involved in a non-denominational type religion and has introduced this to my children as well. I am of another faith and since our split I have had several insulting remarks aimed at my religion coming from both my ex wife and my children.<br /><br />I am now with a woman who is highly educated and enjoys great success in her field of work. She has been my rock. She has brought me back from a very difficult position. I do not want it to be misunderstood about my feelings for my children. I love them no matter what and I do support them. I researched PAS and fought very hard to regain my relationship with my children. I do everything I could and then I had a stroke. How can you fight and fight and go to court, therapists, etc. and when you have pushed so hard you give out physically. I want my children in my life and know that I am losing out on precious time as they grow up but I had to make a decision ba<x>sed on my health. I am told that they will come back to me when they are older and out from under their mother's influence. I am not sure of this as she has been brainwashing them for many years. She now lives with her husband and my children in the house that I bought and paid for. She was able to completely change my children's lives and they have shown no signs of distress from it. She lost her father at an early age and was raised by her mother and older siblings. She is well aware in her mind that the children can survive with just one parent in their lives. The one thought that haunts me 24/7 is that my children have accepted their mother's husband as their dad and have effectively eliminated me from their lives. Remember I have not seen or heard from them since 2 days prior to 7 hour open heart surgery. They are teenagers and have their own phones. Their mother is in complete control of their lives and she makes the decisions on who they see and speak to. PAS is a horrible situation. Personally I think if one is found guilty of this they should face criminal charges.

I am a mother as well i just got a divorce March 23, 2011 but my ex husband has are 4 childern ages 10,7,5,2, we use to be a very close family i though i had the best life anyone woman could have. until he started cheating on me after a last child was born. it was very hard to know and confornt him my mom (best friend) just died of cancer and he was getting any chance he cold to be with this woman. well in oct 2009 i met someone else as well. but in feb 2010 when my ex found out he had me served with a protective order stating i was beating him. i was served and removed my my mothers home that she left me in her will. ,y ex packed up and moved away for 8 months when the protective order hearing came up in march and he didnt show instead of the judge throwing it out he kept continuing the hearing which allowed my ex to stay gone for 8 months with out seeing my kids i quit my job and serched for him. finally i found him i told him i wanted him back to come get me when he showed up that sunday i had him served with a court date in September 2010 was the first time i got to see my kids he had are 10 year old daughter tell the judge i beat her. i lost it i cried my eyes out. he was giving joint custody with me having supervisied visits. i cant live like this my kids are my world i feel like i have not lived since Feb 23, 2010. I have to pay him child support he got both homes, both cars, i got nothing. my kids hate me they dont even want to talk to me on the phone and when it is my weekend he will make excuses why i cant have them. now he wants to move to Tennesse we are from Louisiana and now he wants to move are kids to Tennesse. i cant afford an attorney and with my daughter saying what she said legal aid wont help me. i dont know what to my ex tells me if i just come back everything will go away. oh he is an attorney and the small parish we lived in the judge is are next door neighbor. but what IU dont understand was what my ex wrote in the protective order was some bad stuff me punching my 10 year old daughter in the head, throwing christmas stuff at the baby why would child services step in and investgate. i even called them myself they told me its a diivorce and a custody battle. i said." so, many woman or men finally get strong enough to help them selves when there away from the abuser." the lady on the other end was like "you must not have dont it if you want us involved." i have never been in trouble in my life but im treated like scum in the st. landry parish court system. i just want my kids and my ex and his family are using them against me like if there a toy. I dont know how much i can take.

Do as much research as you can on Parental Alienation Syndrome. Find a lawyer that either knows what it is and will help, or one who wants to learn. Take the info with you to court, educate judges, you may have to request it be moved out of your area. My ex's lawyer had alienated her husband from thier children, and she was hated by most of the judges in town, wasn't allowed in most of the court rooms, some how she squeezed in and they won. GET Court ordered counseling. and enforce it...it has been 6 years for me, 4 counselors, 2 attorneys, lots of money I don't have. My children still hate me. But I believe some day they will come around. It won't be like before, perhaps it will be better.

Never give up on your kids. <br /><br />If the guy was threatening you with his fists in front of the children, that oughta be sufficient grounds for a restraining order or perhaps even to press charges. The problem is that many people just give up and don't take advantage of all options available to them, and often those opportunities are few and far between. <br /><br />You wrote that he "took away your parenting time". Was that court ordered or did he just arbitrarily say "You can't see them as much because you're behind on your support?". Because if so he's not permitted to do that. Of course if you go along with it, then no one's going to do anything about it. It's a common theme in these stories.. the alienated parent assumes the victim mentality and allows the alienator to call the shots with no repercussions, and that gives them almost unlimited power. <br /><br />You wrote:<br /><br />"I owe any amount of sanity that I have through this to God"<br /><br />You thank God for your sanity yet you don't blame ""Him" for all the problems with your kids?<br /><br />I never get why God gets all the credit and none of the blame.

well I guess if I blamed God, I would be falling into the victim mentality that you say I have. Gods grace has pulled me out of the mental, emotional, and physical abuse "I" allowed. With out God, I certainly would be dead. A persons life has many stories, this is just one of mine. I blamed God for many years, it is always easier to do that. I had an attorney that had no idea what PAS was, and neither did I, until it was too late. All I can do now is hope my experience can help someone else, so they don't have to go through what I did. Turn my negative experience into a positive tool. And, the courage to wake everyday, and be thankful for what I still have, and by what, I mean who. All these attitude adjustments possible to a relationship with my higher power, God.

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