Pup

In case you were Googling the number for Animal Hoarders, this is not my puppy. WOULD THAT IT WERE.

My coworker, who I failed to ask what she wanted her blog name to be because we were, you know, BUSY WITH PUPPEEEE, found this little muffin on Craigslist yesterday, and let me just say for the record things are a little slow at work right now.

Anyway, she emailed me–and my coworker in real life has one of those first names that is two first names mooshed together, so let's call her TinaDoris.

Because that is a beautiful combination and sometimes I worry about the inside of my head.

So TinaDoris emailed me with this puppy's photo, and of course I squealed and swooned and fell in love, and she said her fiance had already said, No puppies right now.

"I'll go with you after work and get it anyway," I said, because I do nothing but improve relationships worldwide.

Lucky for us, the soon-to-be Mr. TinaDoris saw the picture of the pup and relented. And then TinaDoris brought her new child over to my house after work, because I pretty much demanded she do so.

Here is their first-ever photo and look how cute! Do you know what I love? Is new puppy's little feather on her head, there. When you see it up close it really looks like a white feather. When TinaDoris and her (surprisingly hot) fiance left, she was trying to talk him into the name Pocahontas. Not for himself. For the puppy. Keep up.

I say surprisingly hot not because TinaDoris herself isn't a little bundle of hotness. I had every faith she could score a cute man. But the photo of him on her desk did not do him justice.

Guess who wasn't as into the pup as we were? Also? Guess who looks a lot like my friend Dave Newman, who just wrote that movie I forced you all to go see (Friends with Benefits! It's still out, I think. Go see it a second time!)?

Not-Pocahontas was clearly already bonded with TinaDoris. We went outside, to encourage pee-age, not from any human but for the pup, and she kept leaping back to her mom, even though she'd only known her an hour and had known me for almost that long so why couldn't she have bonded WITH ME? Why couldn't it have been so obvious she loved ME that TinaDoris would have had to surrender the puppy? For her own happiness?

where mom? mom hair not ensayne like dis ladee hairs.

And speaking of happy? I put old Fang and Snarl in the back yard the minute TinaDoris and Not-Pochahontas got here, and pretty much here is what we experienced the entire time:

"Woofwoofwoofwoofwoofwoofwoofwoof! Woof!"

And also?

andersun displeeze. show you my puff taale.

no. seersly. coming to kick puppee azz now.

The puppy kept cavorting over to Anderson, being all young and innocent and having no idea she could get her eyeses clawed to bits.

Anyway. That was my excitement last night. I think there should be some kind of law; every time someone gets a new puppy, I have to meet it first. And Anderson gets to puff at it.

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Hello to all you June fans!
The puppy is named Penny, as the Dave Newman look-a-like thought Pocahontas was too long. We *think* she’s a beagle and rat terrier mix. She bays, that’s for sure. And she walks right under my feet, which was old after 24 hours.
Aside from the baying and the tripping, she’s lovably clumsy and very affectionate. I’ll be sure to keep June updated on the world of Penny.

“Member” FDICK. Double entendre. Well played Junie! Why do they call it a “member” anyway? Like it’s part of a club or something. Is there a penis club for men? Well, of course it would have to be for men if the requirement was having a penis. Men and Chaz. Although I think he’s still one member short. And also – do all men really name their member? Really? Or is that an urban myth?
Oh, and PUPPY! P.S. I have a small fluff ball that I love to the very depths of the ocean. She is not yippy, nippy or even dippy. She’s calm, sweet and very, very smart. Love her!
Did you all see that Zadge was almost dead the other day?!?

I think it had something to do with visions of the bulldog from Bugs Bunny wearing his pink tutu. You know, kind of picturing it on you. We were kind of giggling…just a little. All in good fun, of course.

Screw it. Ha.
I did not laugh at FDICK because I didn’t get it. But I was too polite to say anything, because I didn’t want to spoil the joke by asking someone to explain it.
And I have been trying and trying to flounce but all I can manage is flailing. I’m a total flounce failure. A flailure.
And I do not pout silently, dammit. I’ll have you know I’m a very loud pouter.

Okay, wait. Does flouncing involve high heels or having to wear a dress? Because if so, I’m out.
And June. Thanks SO MUCH for connecting the idea of kissing something up with Hulk’s member. Just when I’d gotten over the mouthing-the-puppy-head thing.