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Even in the cold of another Chicago winter, there’s a lot of hot air blowing through the Windy City. Since there isn't a Google Translate app for local BS, you’ll need this handy guide to find out what people really mean when they’re talking to you.

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“I live in a garden apartment.”

Translation: I am a creature averse to sunlight and human contact of any kind. I subsist in a dank subterranean environment on a steady diet of beer, pizza delivery, and Netflix. Approach with caution.

“Want to hit up Beaumont this weekend?”

Translation: I have no idea how to party. This is the first bar I’ve ever been to.

“Should we grab an Uber?”

Translation: It’s a three-block walk. Sure we could walk, but why the hell would anyone want to do that?

“OK, fine I’ll meet you out... just for one drink.”

Translation: You know that person that’s been peeing in your neighbor’s gangway at 5am? That’s me.