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To The Best Friend Who Left Me Behind

Sometimes I imagine you have died.
I know that is a little harsh but it's not too far from the truth, it's only a ghost of your former self I have to see haunt my news feed. You got a tattoo? You smoke cigarettes? I don't recognize you anymore, but just think how much easier it would be for me if you ceased to exist. Okay maybe too melodramatic but then I wouldn't have to see your happy smiling face all the time and wonder why I wasn't good enough for you anymore. Why one day I woke up and realized I wasn't the person you turned to anymore, and although my life was a mess I didn't know you well enough anymore to tell you. I didn't know you well enough. I have known you for 6 years and suddenly you were a stranger.

Sometimes I wish you had died.
Because at least then I could mourn our lost friendship and have a sweet memory of the person who I held during continuous breakdowns and laughed at many movie nights. Instead all I see if the times I needed to breakdown but you were 'too busy', forgetting that I was the person who would send those messages on your behalf to the people you were trying to avoid.
If you'd have died I wouldn't have to meet your new best friend.
The person you laugh to movies to and turn to in times of crisis, who replaced me.
I wish you all the best in life. I hope you are healthy and happy and achieve all your goals, knowing you'll drop anybody to get to the top.

Just don't be surprised if you hear you are dead.
From a new friend of mine who just assumed from the way I spoke that you had been hit by a truck, drowned in the sea, murdered.
Because I miss you.
And the easiest way to miss our friendship is by believing you cease to exist anymore, 6 feet under.