Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Snort Notes – August 2011

Yes, it appears that one of our most despised enemies in recent decades had a “thing” for Condi! This was not a good week for Condi. First this news breaks, and then Bush Vice President Dick Cheney slams her in his just published, hotly-quoted memoir.

Now that we know this, a few other things make sense. Like all of those mysterious phone calls to Condi’s residence in the middle of the night, where the caller would hang up just as Condi picked up the receiver, traced back to you-know-who’s palace in North Africa. Or Ghadafi’s interview with Al-Jazeera when he went into orgasms chanting “Leeza, Leeza, Leeza”. Or why Ghadafi suddenly tossed all of his Moms Mabley memorabilia nine years ago.

Suddenly, all these events make sense now.

Okay, two reactions to this bit of news:

One: “Ewwww, gross!”

And two: “Back off Moammar! I saw her first!”

Now that we got that out of the way, let’s put this in perspective. What if, and I’m just saying, what if historical evidence is found that Eva Braun came across a stash of Der Fuhrer’s unmailed love letters to, say, Eleanor Roosevelt.

Again, two reactions:

One: “Ewwww, gross!”

And two: “Ewwwwwwwwwwwww! Grossssssss!”

Meanwhile...in another part of Libya...

CONVICTED LOCKERBIE BOMBER, ABDEL BASSET AL-MEGRAHI, IS REPORTED NEAR DEATH

As Ghadafi’s reign disintegrated, a few American congressmen raised the idea that here was a chance to get the Lockerbie bomber back into a Scottish jail. Pardoned by Scotland on humanitarian grounds because he was (allegedly) only a few months away from dying of cancer, the bomber was given a hero’s welcome in Libya. That happened in 2009. Only problem was that Megrahi reneged on his part of the deal; he didn’t die.

Now, within the last few days, CNN has conveniently broadcast footage showing Megrahi dying at his mother’s home. He is depicted as comatose, near death, and having gone without medication for several days because rebels have looted the nearby pharmacy. With this footage coming to light, the calls to have him returned to Scotland have subsided. Scotland doesn’t want him and the Libyan rebels won’t give him up. Many believe that whether he dies in Libya or in jail is a moot point, so he might as well die at home surrounded by his loved ones.

My only problem with all this: now that the international media has gotten hold of this story, how far will they run with it? If Megrahi doesn’t go to be with his 72 virgins soon, he may become the subject of daily, beat-into-the-head saturation of daily medical bulletins. That’s all we need: Megrahi to drag this out like that drama queen Francisco Franco did in 1977!

The very thought of this makes me long for a replay of the O.J. Simpson trial, and we all remember what a kidney stone of a media event that was!

THE MUCH HYPED HURRICANE IRENE TERRORIZES NORTHEAST RESIDENTS WITH HEAVY RAIN AND CATEGORY ONE WINDS

Vento, long a symbol of the typical Alger Hiss rags to riches American success story, became the guy liberals loved to hate a few years ago with his posted insistence that his cheesesteak customers order in English. He could have stated that his policy was a desire to increase ordering efficiency, but somehow his explanation made him look like a racist. A city investigation later found that he was within his First Amendment rights to post the “speak English only” directive, and he became a hero to the Tea Party. This just pissed off liberals even more.

Then, in the months since the controversy died down, the local media highlighted Vento’s contributions to the community. He supplied a local church with food to feed the homeless. He held benefits for local police charities. Vento once contributed money to one of Elton John’s AIDS benefit concerts. The list of his charitable contributions probably goes on longer than people wrapping around his shop at noon time.

So in judging Joey Vento with a scale that gives more weight to actions over words, then perhaps the liberal community was too harsh on this son of South Philadelphia. After all, we’ve all said things we later regretted, and we don’t think it’s fair to let the rest of our lives be tainted by those words. How can we hold Joey Vento accountable to a higher standard? He was nothing more than a product of the society in which he grew up.

Rest in Peace, Mr. Vento.

(Thank you for reading! Adolf and Eleanor sitting in a tree! K-I-S-S-I-N-G! Ewwwww!)