New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie is not one for tightrope walking. He says what he says, he means what he means, that’s it, that’s that, get outta here.

Except when it comes two of the largest — and in my opinion gobsmackingly dumbest — social issues facing the country today. Gay marriage and medical marijuana.

On those two issues, Christie is like a Flying Wallenda crossing the Delaware on some old Roebling wire rope with Stevie Ray Vaughn blasting in the background. (Now that’s a simile. Anyway …) Anyway, there’s a major league reason for his balancing act, and it’s called “I Wanna Be President in 2016.”

Back in 2009 when he was first campaigning for governor, Christie said he was OK with medical marijuana, but only if the safeguards were tightened.

“We don’t want people who have a headache to be able to go and get marijuana,” he said in a debate. “We want to make sure we don’t turn into California.”

Well, he’s a man of his word, pretty much. Then-Gov. Jon Corzine signed the marijuana laws before he left office, and Christie has made sure “safeguards” have been put into place to the point where it’s damn near impossible to acquire legal marijuana in New Jersey. Thus far, only one legal dispensary has opened, with plans for a second later this month. The law is nearly four years old.

So why is Christie tiptoeing here? It’s easy to see: If he didn’t challenge the law, didn’t fight the law, he’d be seen by the traditional right as waving a white flag on the War on Drugs. But by letting some legal marijuana trickle out, he can point to his “safeguards” routine and allow more moderate members of the party — and Independents, and Democrats — to think he’s at least trying to do the right thing.

As of now, it’s a win for Christie and a loss New Jersey residents with cancer, AIDS, glaucoma, arthritis, those California headaches, etc.

As for gay marriage?Well, Christie is probably sweating this one more when it comes to maintaining his conservative stature.

A Mercer County judge recently ruled gay couples can get married in New Jersey, mostly because the United States Supreme Court said so. Christie vetoed a bill last year that would have allowed gay couples to marry. Now, he vows to fight this most recent ruling in court.

He is, to be clear, against gay marriage.

New Jerseyans, to be clear, are for gay marriage. A July Quinnipiac poll had 60 percent of New Jerseyans in favor of gay marriage. Put this one to a vote, it would probably pass.

And — somewhat improbably —a vote on this issue would be just fine with Christie. Said so last year, when he vetoed the same sex marriage bill, but the Democrats in the legislature passed on his offer, claiming — and rightly so — civil rights issues shouldn’t be put to vote. Not to mention … a gay marriage vote would bring out big money. Plenty of television ads. National attention. The chance it might not pass, which would be a blow to the state Democrats. Not worth the risk for them.

As for Christie? Once again, he keeps his Republican bona fides intact by fighting gay marriage and ups his Independent/Libertarian bona fides by loudly proclaiming he wants to put it to a vote.

Win for Christie, loss for Democrats, loss for people who happen to be a) of the same sex and b) love each other.

So on both these gobsmackingly dumb issues — what, you think I forgot I said that? Come on, let sick people smoke marijuana if it helps them feel better and let gay people marry each other, because why do you care anyway? — Christie is having his Republican cake and eating it too, allowing the crumbs to fall down to the pro-marijuana and pro-same sex marriage crowd.

And so this way, when he runs for the GOP nomination in 2016, he gets to tell the reddest of the red staters he fought the good Republican fight on one hand, while also telling the moderates, “Hey, I let sick people have marijuana and I wanted the people to vote on gay marriage, see how great I am?”

It is, without question, brilliant political gamesmanship.

But ...

Who is the real Chris Christie? That’s the question we don’t have an answer to, and won’t unless he actually becomes president. Is he a moderate Republican who is willing to pay lip service to the far-right when he needs to? Or is he a far-right Republican making us all think he’s a moderate?

And if you think the answers to those questions will only apply to weed and marriage … think again.