You keep talking shit about Best Korea and the BRILLIANT COMRADE gonna fuck you punks up yo.

How you like we do to tha Shenzen special economic zone what we be doing to those muthafucking NIGHT ELVES be all fucking with our shit, huh. Cos we gonna do that you don’t stop talking shit about us yo.

So this morning I finally had to face my dad about that whole Yeonpyeong shelling fuck-up thing.

He pretty pretty fucking steamed yo.

He said I’s banned from playing on the military computers until further notice. That a long time yo.

But check it, I think I can make shit ok again. I be telling him I should just fess up to the fuck up and offer to compensate tha Yeonpyeong chumps that we be blowing all up and shit when I be thinking they be NIGHT ELVES all gonna come and rape us and steal our drugs and shit.

He say “compensate? with wot?”

He saying how aside from his movies and the weapons and that big ass armoured train he got that take him to China, we don’t really got shit to give no Yeonpyeong punk and anyways he want to keep all tha shit we got and we don’t wanna be looking like we did something wrong. He say stick to tha story that we be fired on first and be defending tha muthaland from running dog lackeys.

And I say “it was NIGHT ELVES, yo, not running dogs, but not even that. actually”

He just sigh and tell me to go away but I say I got a better idea. We might not be in tha cash right now, but soon I will be when my shit hit wax up at tha nuclear recording studio I be building in YOngbyon and also what I got lots of be MANA.

He like “wtf yo?”

And I say it this magic shit in Warcraft. He just shake his head but I say, check it, what we gotta do is say that tha BRILLIANT COMRADE be all sorry for his fucking up shit and to prove he one sorry ass nigga, tha J-UNIT be willing to donate a whole HALF his warcraft mana to tha families of tha Yeonpyeong chumps we be blowing up. How that yo?

He didn’t say nothing, he just look out the window.

I say “wot if I say that I also be donating five percent of the revenue from my first album when that joint hit tha stands to tha victims too? that joint gonna be cash yo punks aint never gonna heard no shit be dope as that shit I be dropping when I be dropping that dope ass shit yo.”

He tell me to leave him alone and get back to tha purges or sumthing useful.

Y’all feelin me on this shit? I want y’all to be feelin me real good on this shit yo.

I esplained tha other day how that whole Yeonpyeong Island attack bidness be all a mistake and shit when I be all fucked up on pills and looking at tha wrong computer screen and thinking that we be getting attacked by NIGHT ELVES and shit. And even though that crazy Round Eye bitch Sarah Palin got tha BRILLIANT COMRADE’s back and shit, I still be feeling bad about that fuck up what I be fucking all up.

And now some punk ass nigga down in Chump Corea gone and lost his job because of it:

Don’t get me wrong, y’all, tha BC got no luv for CHUMP COREA yo. Except for those bitches in that band KARA and SSND, yo. But I still feel bad about what happened.

Check it, back when tha 4 STAR G be old skoolin it back at school in Switzerland I be working after school at this KFC joint. Except one day I be falling asleep at work cos I be up all tha night before playing Super Mario Brothers with my brother Jong-Chul. I be waking up smelling all this smoke and shit. I left tha deep fryer on and shit be getting mad hot and all smoking and shit.

Then tha napkins be catching fire.

To cut a long ass story short, tha J to tha K to tha muthafucking U not be lasting long at the Melchenbühl K to tha F to tha muthafucking C after that. So I be feeling this niggaz pain yo.

So check it. My Yongbyon Nuclear Studio joint be up and running soon. And tha BC be going to need mad security to be stopping all tha bitches and chump ass wannabes from overrunning tha place when tha J-UNIT start dropping his shit on wax up in that pad yo.

So this my offer, Kim Tae-Young: Come work security for me then we be evens yo.

Sarah Palin be some crazy ass Round Eyes bitch who be all over tha tv. I think she like a older and less hotter version of my cousin I’m gonna marry Kim Kardashian – she famous for nothing. Good to know that celebrities be loving on tha J-UNIT. Sure I be into this ledership game but I be thinking that once I be getting bored with this shit right here, Hollywood really be where I seeing myself in tha future. Once I get my recording studio all sorted and start droppin sum proletarian science onto wax, yo, then I be making a name for myself in showbiz yo and I be guessing then it just a matter of time, yo.

BC be on Roc–A–Fella pretty soon and fuck all y’all devils that be sayin othawize.

Just when tha BRILLIANT COMRADE be thinkin that things can’t be no more fucked up than they is already, things be getting even fucked upper, yo.

Everyone be up in tha J-UNIT’s shit now cos of what we be doing down on that Chump Corean island called Yeonpyeong.

We be all shelling them and shit and burning down some houses and blowing up some soldiers and shit, sure, but check it – it was all a MISTAKE, yo.

Tha J-UNIT be back at home in the D to tha P to tha R to tha muthafucking K trying to keep tha Round Eyes from being all up in my shit at my pad Yongbyon where I be building my recording studio. Studio cash, yo. I be so stressed out that I be relaxing with a lil game of Warcraft, yo. And taking some pills I bought off this guy at Luton airport when I was on my way down to Gwangju to fuck up those so-called artists who be dissing my WoW shit.

So shit be looking a little too real to tha 4 STAR G if y’all be feelin me on this one, yo. I be seeing all these muthafucking NIGHT ELVES be all swarming and shit over this island to tha south, and so I be screaming that we gotta fuck those punk ass night elves all UP, yo. And, well, that be what tha soldiers be doing, yo.

I think they all a bit too eager to show they got mad luv for tha BC on account of all the traitor ass punks that I be purging right now. So when tha BC say “FUCK THOSE NIGHT ELVES UP, YO!” and be pointing at the wrong monitor that not be my WoW game, but actually be some surveillance satellite map of Yeonpyeong, well, that be when tha J to tha K to tha muthafucking U be getting into even deeper shit than what I already been in.

I ain’t been able to talk to dad about it yet, yo. The media covered it all up pretty good saying it be tha Chump Coreans that be firing at us first and shit, but I don’t think everyone be believing us.

I think I’m in the shit big time, yo. It’s gonna take something pretty fucking major for me to get my dad to trust me with tha country after this.

Still, on the up side, all the Round Eyes looking at Yeonpyeong has given me a chance to flush all tha drugs I be stashing up at my pad in Yongbyon. That joint so fucking cash, yo. Not even Dre be having a studio that fucking cash.

Y’all know that some Round Eyes be punkin around tha muthaland getting all up in our shit, rite?

Well they be back at Yongbyon, yo. That where I building my recording studio.

My recording studio with tha nuclear reactor.

Shit is cash, yo. It be tha only recording joint in tha world that be all nuclear-powered and shit. Bitches gonna be flocking to it to come check it out and tha banging joints that tha J-UNIT be dropping on wax there, yo.

Not even Dre got a joint as cash as my pad, yo.

But now tha Round Eyes be saying it a crisis and shit and they gonna get tha UN involved and shit and the Chump Coreans be saying that they gonna get some nukes of they own.

And my dad called me back from my holidays, yo.

Man I was having a great time in Chump Corea. Chump Corea night clubs are much better than even tha best clubs in Pyongyang. They don’t have to close when the electricity goes out at 6pm. In fact, the electricity don’t ever seem to go out. Not even when I be playing Warcraft for like 20 hours a day, yo. And tha Chump Corea bitchez be all over tha ORIGINAL BLACK ASIATIC MAN, yo.

But dad be all like “you say this your shit, so come sort it out, yo”.

Oh man he gonna be mad I know. He might not let me keep purging all those punk ass faggits that I be purging who be all talking smack about tha BC, yo. He may be listening to them when they be saying that I be all unstables and shit and shouldn’t be in charge of shit no more.

Man fuck those chumps be all talking smack about tha BRILLIANT COMRADE, yo. If they so patriotic and shit then we see how much they like serving tha nation from tha bottom of a coal mine, yo.

I’ll check in wit you niggaz later, yo. The J-UNIT he got some thinking to do.

Check it, I was supposed to be meeting with this nigga go by tha handle DJ MocKracy for a freestyle rap comp at the Doota Mall at noon, yo.

This be all after tha nigga be pussying out of a earlier comp down in Gwangju. Then he be acting all smart on the internetz and shit about how he be being all there and shit when really he be nowhere, yo – though I be thinking he down in AusFAILia, yo.

My homies be all like ‘fuck that nigga, yo, he just some punk be all punkin’ on you and shit, BC; you too good for some chump ass punk, yo.’

But I be giving that nigga tha benefit of the doubt, yo.

But check it. I been up all night playing Star Craft II and watching pornos in my love motel, yo.

So I slept in.

When I be waking up, it already a quarter to 12. I got lost on the blue line of the subway getting to Doota, yo, because all these bitches be wanting to talk with me a checking out me styling tha Kim Il-Sung doo and Magneto tracksuit, yo. I be telling them that they be my two favorite niggas in tha world, yo, because they be being two niggas that you ain’t gonna fuck wit, yo.

So by tha time I be getting to Doota – bitches in tow, yo – it be like a quarter to three.

So here it be DJ MocKracy. Blow a nigga up yo, we do this shit for real. What you say, bitch?