Focus on the Positive

You have heard these expressions a million times. You understand the concept in theory, but you are neither feeling positive, nor do you see your glass as half full. Right now, you are doing your best to recover from a day/week/month of disappointments and the accumulated sum of obstacles is taking its toll.

So what now? How do we get back on our feet?

In The Women’s Code, every difficult situation is examined by using the Three Pillars: Awareness, Support, and Collaboration.

1. What is going on?
2. Am I getting the support I need with this?
3. How can I increase my awareness and support so I can find a
collaboration that will resolve this?

First, we determine the what. What is the issue? What are you feeling?
We search for the facts in the most objective way possible. Remember not to pass judgment.

Second, we make sure we have the support we need. Do you need to be left alone, or do you need someone to talk to? Enlist the person who can give you what you need. Be specific and clearly communicate what that person can do to help you. Otherwise, you may get unsolicited ‘fix it’ advice that can make things seem worse.

Third, we search for a solution and we focus on healthy self-care. What needs to happen for you to feel good about yourself again, so you can get back on track with your communication and collaboration? What have you learned? Be gentle with yourself and others, and don’t neglect to celebrate every small victory.

Believe me, I’ve had my share of bad days. You can read about how I sometimes succumb to doubt and fear, and how I pull myself out of it.

From my experiences, I’ve identified a few strategies that may help you to get through your rough patch and back into balance:

1.) Accept that you don’t need to be perfect. Even if we know in
theory that it is okay to have a down day, we want to be 100% all the time. It is not possible. You wouldn’t be able to appreciate the good times if you didn’t have bad times.

2.) Avoid why questions. They create helicopter thinking when they cannot be resolved. Why can’t I figure this out? Why did he do that? Why am I not able to advance? There is no answer to why questions because we do not have all the information. Rather, ask what questions. What is the lesson in this? What am I doing to attract people or situations like this? As you change, so does everything else.

3.) Assign time to dwell in your misery. When things don’t work out how I expect and my high hopes are crushed, I routinely go into my Lady Cave. I have spent many hours contemplating disappointing outcomes. It’s normal. I’ve now learned not to fight what I feel. Allow some down time so you can move through it. If you need to, eat the appropriate amounts of chocolate, ice cream, and cookies, or blow off steam anyway that works for you (without endangering others, of course). This too shall pass.

My personal mantra during my most difficult times was to simply focus on getting better. Taking small steps and making little discoveries about yourself and others can help you find the silver lining of a difficult situation. Focus on what you have control over to regain your balance and fill your glass back up.