We’ve all heard this before. Love shouldn’t hurt, but sometimes it does. Sometimes you have to ask yourself, why is that? I’ve found that answer to be simple: When it hurts, it isn’t love. It’s abuse.

I’ll be the first to admit that I didn’t realize I was in an abusive relationship when it was happening. In fact, it took me a long time after it ended to realize it. It was a mentally abusive relationship, but there is one question that always comes to people’s minds when they hear me talk about it (which isn’t openly, mind you): How did you not realize it?

Well, let’s be honest here. I didn’t realize it because I thought that by pointing out every single flaw I had was just so he could help me get rid of those flaws and be better. He loved me, so he just wanted the best for me…right? Wrong. So wrong.

It’s not easy being in an abusive relationship. It’s even worse when you don’t realize it for years after. I don’t remember when I first realized that it was abusive, but it was at least a year after I made myself have the courage to leave him.

If you start noticing any red flags (s/he hits you, starts pointing out flaws, starts saying everything about you is wrong, doesn’t trust anything you say, is controlling), leave. It won’t be easy, but you have got to leave anyway. Love shouldn’t hurt. Love should be happy. Love isn’t always easy, but in a relationship, you should be able to trust the person that you’re with and know that at the end of the day, you are happy with that person.

I apologize for being gone for a few weeks. Life has been getting in the way, and well, I just haven’t been able to get anything done. I’m glad to be back.

I’ve made it no secret that I’ve been in an abusive relationship. Well, on here, that’s no secret. In real life, that’s a different story.

Recently, I told a good friend of mine everything that happened in the relationship. I don’t know what caused me to tell him. We were being open and honest with each other, and well, all of a sudden, I was telling him that I had been in a verbally abusive relationship. And boy, let me tell you, if it had not been a long-distance relationship, I have no doubt that I would have been more than just verbally abused.

When I told my friend about it, I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my chest, must like I felt when I first stood up to the abuser. And the thing is, you don’t realize how much of a weight is lifted off your chest until you actually stand up to him.

If you’re in an abusive relationship, you have got to get out of it. I know, it’s difficult. I know you’re scared. I was, too. I was afraid to say that we were through just because I didn’t know what he would do. He tried using suicide as a threat to get me to stay. I didn’t want him to do that, but I didn’t want to stay in it.

Finally, I had to tell him that I didn’t care what he did and block him from my life. He’s been gone every since. I don’t know if he actually went through with suicide or not, but I can tell you that I never want to find out.

It’s not that I wanted him to die. Don’t get the idea that I did. I really didn’t want him to. I just had to stand up for myself and block him. I had to do what was best for me.

Please, be strong. It’s scary. I know it is. You have to do what’s best for you. You can do it. I know you can.

I can see it. I can feel it. I know it’s there. You want to say it, but you don’t know how. You want to say it, but you’re afraid to. You don’t know what will happen if you say this one word.

The word I’m talking about is, “No.” You may have been there. I know I have been.

Many people fall into abusive relationships. I’ve been in a couple myself. I know how it feels to want to say, “No,” but not wanting to make him mad. I know how it feels to be treated like complete crap. Like a tool. It’s not fun.

Abusive relationships are the thing that nobody wants to talk about. Nobody wants to admit to being in. Nobody wants to reach out for help because they’re afraid to. Nobody tells anybody what’s really going on.

Here’s the thing: You can’t be afraid to say, “No.” If you don’t say it, things will continue to get worse. I know it’s hard. I know what it’s like to be afraid.

One of my favorite artists, Britt Nicole, has a song called “Don’t Worry Now.” It’s about something completely different than abusive relationships, but some of the lyrics are so true.

“I’ve been there, yeah, I know how it feels to wonder if love is even real. Don’t worry now. Don’t worry now. It’s going to be okay.” -Britt Nicole

Isn’t that just so encouraging? It will be okay. Don’t be afraid to say, “No.” Even when it’s the hardest thing ever, don’t be afraid. Get out of the relationship. It will all be okay in the end. I promise you, it will be.