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Sunday, February 14, 2010

Valentine's Day is Cancelled - You May Only Celebrate Olivia's Birthday.

Dear Olivia,

There are a lot of things I could never imagine myself doing or saying, that I now do or say. It is all your fault. Like this, for example. Writing you a letter. On the Internet. I haven't finished it yet, but I bet it's corny and full of embarrassing cliches.

(Also? Freely rejoicing over consistent bowel movements. I swore I'd never do that.)

Having a newborn is hard. I remember thinking, on several occasions, that you were trying to kill me. Or, at the very least, drive me to the brink of insanity so that someone else would kill me just to avoid my sleep-deprived nastiness. Don't take that personally. I think every first-time parent wonders why anyone would do this more than once during those first couple months.

She looks harmless, but will hurt you with her...adorable sleeplessness.

Still, you were the most amazing thing, ever. Are the most amazing thing ever. Every month, I say to everyone, "this is the most fun time - this time is my favorite!" Because it always seems like you could not possibly be more adorable and fun.

A favorite phase: my ability to put large things on your head and your inability to resist.

It doesn't matter what you do - we think you are a genius - which has got to be annoying for other people. It all started with your pooping. You always knew the exact right time to take a dump - the exact right time being as soon as we took a dirty diaper off of you but before we could get a new one on. The problem escalated when you started to smile.

Smiles! At 2.5 Months! Clearly, she is clearly advanced! Filling out the Mensa application right this very second!

And don't even get me started on baybee thighs...I think chocolate bunnies should be replaced with chocolate baybee thighs, so that I can realize my dirty fantasy of nibbling them.

NOM! NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM!

Your father and I didn't really have an exciting life pre-Olivia. I mean, a wild night for us was sitting on the deck and playing scrabble. Sometimes - and I hope you don't think that we were irresponsible - we would even stay up until TEN AT NIGHT! So I guess you could say that you did change everything about our lives, but you haven't really held us back from doing anything that we want to do.

My parents took an hour out of their Scrabble schedule to take a bazillion nearly identical pictures of me!

Losers.

The major change is that we live our lives around your nap times, because you can be a little bit of a...shadookie head...when you are tired. (AND, we have to say things like Shadookie Head, so that you don't swear on your first day of Kindergarten.) But your shadookie head is other babies good mood, so I'm not complaining. You really only cry when you're hungry or tired. Most of the time you play and laugh and just generally charm the pants off people.

ZOMG! Put your pants back on!

You walk EVERYWHERE. You are into EVERYTHING. You love to be chased, and to throw your toys and chase them. You laugh a lot. You like to socialize, but sometimes you are shy. You love to tear everything out of the kitchen cupboards, then put it all away in different places. You try to play with the dogs but they are so not buying your crap and are holding a grudge from all the times you tried to snatch their testicles. You just cut your first tooth last week, and it is adorably crooked. You've got the most spectacular baybee mullet I've ever seen. Your facial expressions have been known to cause me to belly laugh.

You are so perfect.

When I was desperately trying to get pregnant, I was furious at anyone who was pregnant by accident. Or pregnant the exact month they wanted to be. Or anyone who complained about their kids and took them for granted. I had this vision in my mind of how happy they were - all laughs and smiles and big fat baybee thighs, 24 hours a day. Basically I imagined unicorns pooping candy rainbows all over the place on the daily.

Hang on...I'll try to poop some candy rainbows for you...

Do you know what the crazy thing is? It's that I'm stepping in unicorn rainbow candy poop all over our house. Every day. You make me so happy, every single day. You make it impossible for me to have a truly horrible day. I'd say that you are everything I ever imagined, but that's not true.

You are better than I ever imagined. You are worth every road block, every injection, every emotional outburst, every ache and pain.

It's mah first birfday partee and I'll drink Pediasure if I want to.

Happy first birthday, Olivia! I love you so much, it's almost embarrassing.

43 comments:

Happy birthday to Both of you! Because it's so much about the mama living through the first year! Beautiful post. I wrote a letter like that on my son's 3rd birthday. Love it and congrats on your first year together!

I've been an diehard fan of your blog for the past 16 months - a period during which I, too, became a very exhausted and even prouder mother - but for some reason, I've never commented. This last post about Olivia's first birthday was so endearing and sweet that I just had to write. From one lucky as hell mother to another, congratulations on such a beautiful and well deserved little girl!

Happy Birthday Olivia! This was such an incredibly touching post, the love you have for your daughter is wonderful, I can't wait for the day that I have this experience! Also you are freaking hilarious, love your writing!!!

I could've written almost every word of this post (except my fat baybee can't yet get that walking thing down), but your words were so honeset and lovely and true! Happy birthday to your gorgeous mulleted baby girl!

the journey from infertility to stepping in rainbow candy poop is an interesting one and provides an different perspective, i think...not that i know what it's like to become a parent without a team of scientists to help me. i try to concentrate on how i felt about my embies when they are making me crazy and my hair is coming out in frustrated handfuls...when i think about the injections and the dildo cam and the waiting and wondering and constant surveilance of HCG numbers, a little tantrum or sassing or headbanging on the tile pales in comparison. it was all worth it...every little needle...every lump of cystitis, every romantic encounter with a condom-covered sonogram wand...WORTH IT ALL!!!

continue enjoying that baybeee. go ahead and nibble the thighs. i nibble two sets of thighs and a little bit of rump EVERY DAY. keeps me happy :-)

Happy Birthday to Olivia and congrats to you, Mama, for doing such a fantastic job this past year! I remember finding your blog when I was about to do my embryo transfer at Cleveland Clinic. Your outcome of one baby was a little more ideal than my triplets, but I, too, have no regrets. LOVE us some IVF babies!!!

Okay, you made me cry. And that is so not fair because I am living the this-newborn-is-trying-to-kill me phase right this second! Am very vulnerable! But I think I'll soon be stepping in unicorn rainbow poop too. Already am, despite the trying-to-kill-me thing. Anyway, Olivia is so lucky to have you. Congratulations on surviving -- even thriving in -- her first year. And a huge happy birthday to her!