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CONFUCIUS [looking round, and recoiling with a
shriek of disgust] Ach!
Avaunt! Avaunt! [He rushes from the room].

BURGE-LUBIN. What part of the coast is that?

THE NEGRESS. Fishguard Bay. Why not run
over and join me for the afternoon? I am disposed
to be approachable at last.

BURGE-LUBIN. But Fishguard! Two hundred
and seventy miles!

THE NEGRESS. There is a lightning express on
the Irish Air Service at half-past sixteen. They
will drop you by a parachute in the bay. The
dip will do you good. I will pick you up and dry
you and give you a first-rate time.

BURGE-LUBIN. Delightful. But a little risky,
isnt it?

THE NEGRESS. Risky! I thought you were afraid
of nothing.

BURGE-LUBIN. I am not exactly afraid; but—­

THE NEGRESS [offended] But you think it is
not good enough. Very well [she raises her
hand to take the peg out of her switchboard].

BURGE-LUBIN. The fact is, I have been behaving
very recklessly for some time past under the impression
that my life would be so short that it was not worth
bothering about. But I have just learnt that I
may live—­well, much longer than I expected.
I am sure your good sense will tell you that this
alters the case. I—­

BURGE-LUBIN [urgently] No: please hold
on. I can convince you—­[a loud
buzz-uzz-uzz]. Engaged! Who is she calling
up now? [Represses the button and calls] The
Chief Secretary. Say I want to see him again,
just for a moment.

CONFUCIUS’S VOICE. Is the woman gone?

BURGE-LUBIN. Yes, yes: it’s all right.
Just a moment, if—­[Confucius returns]
Confucius: I have some important business at Fishguard.
The Irish Air Service can drop me in the bay by parachute.
I suppose it’s quite safe, isnt it?

CONFUCIUS. Nothing is quite safe. The air
service is as safe as any other travelling service.
The parachute is safe. But the water is not safe.

BURGE-LUBIN. Why? They will give me an unsinkable
tunic, wont they?

CONFUCIUS. You will not sink; but the sea is
very cold. You may get rheumatism for life.

BURGE-LUBIN. For life! That settles it:
I wont risk it.

CONFUCIUS. Good. You have at last become
prudent: you are no longer what you call a sportsman:
you are a sensible coward, almost a grown-up man.
I congratulate you.

BURGE-LUBIN [resolutely] Coward or no coward,
I will not face an eternity of rheumatism for any
woman that ever was born. [He rises and goes to
the rack for his fillet] I have changed my mind:
I am going home. [He cocks the fillet rakishly]
Good evening.