''[After the "Ambiguously Gay Duo" music pops up]. "Yeah, I realize some of us are a little bit hyper-focused on that aspect of the series. But you know, some of us are a little more sensitive and progressive than that. Besides how gay could it be?"

"Jesus Christ! Why don't you hold his hips a little more tender there?! I mean..."

"Was that a sexual overture or am I missing something? I mean, not that there's anything wrong with that..."

"You know what? Fuck it. We're off to the pride parade!"''

— Chick, in the SheRa review.

"No, excuse me, I still need a year or so to recover from my massive trauma of seeing a cat die again."

"How does going with the hotter guy with the amazing orgasm touch, can pick up any talent instantly, bows to your beck and call and can take you to other planets... okay point taken, I'm going to see what's going on by the pool, see if anything... develops." *runs*

— Chick, Earth Girls Are Easy.

"Little girls are waiting on bated breath for their wedding day. I know I was... when I was six."

"Here's the thing about dreams: they may provide escape from the real world, but they set expectations for the real world too."

"So if you do decide to watch a Disney sequel, just make sure it's not to a movie you actually like, unless of course [trails off] you enjoy the feel of hands belonging to a clammy uncle groping you in places you'd rather not be touched right now."

"At the time, I hate those bitches. And I called Britney Titney because I thought I was clever and was wildly jealous of her fame and success and wealth."

— Blonde Girls Now And Then

"As you may know, I like to spy on my BFF Nella because she entertains me. I do this by installing cameras in her bedroom, and what I found may not shock you, but she sometimes likes to pretend she's a princess."

Makeover Fairy: "You don't know how hard this was! I mean, look what I had to work with! I'm just a fairy!" [cries]

Nella: "There there, Lisa. It's not you, it's me. I'm like the Makeover Goblin, I'm sure if you'd made anyone else over it would have been fabulous."

— Grease

"I remember how crappy my life was back when I had hot friends. See, I'm not the prettiest person, or the thinnest, or the tallest."

— Chick, Grease

Nella: "Low self esteem?"

Chick: "Yeah, hopelessly."

— Thanks For The Feedback II

Nella: "You know... you could just come back east for a bit, recharge your self-confidence batteries, it's no problem. I mean, you know where I live, you put enough cameras in there... in my parents house... you know what, let's not go there."

— Thanks For The Feedback II

"And to everyone who wants to bitch about it not being accurate to Greek Mythology, I kindly request you go stuff a ballgag in your mouth and sit in the corner."

"So while Nella and I were at Disney, her childlike wonder unshakable and my nonchalance unsubtle as ever."

— Chick, Dreamworks vs. Disney

"Ugh, I'm getting angry, I need to stop."

— Chick, Dreamworks vs. Disney

"No, no, Will Smith, please stop. Please stop, you don't know what you're doing, just lay off the Scientology, take it down a notch, we'll take you home, we'll get you back to Philadelphia born and raised, with the playground. Please stop, please, please I loved you! Why are you doing this to me?"

[while Chick ignores her] "Hey Lindsay, I just got my fortune! It says, um, you were born under a star that should have made your life a pathway of roses but it has not been so because you trusted in others that are not real friends but seek to only use you for selfish ends. The time is coming for you to make your mark in life, later in life you will acquire some more property! I may have a little hardship in managing my property... I'm gonna go get another fortune."

— Nella, Dreamworks vs. Disney

Nella:"So my New Year's resolution is to treat my friends with dignity and respect."

Chick: "Yeah, my New Year's resolution is for you to do my dishes. They're not gonna wash themselves!"

— Thanks For The Feedback III

[arguing with Douchey] "Well I get my MacGuffin definition from that bastion of credibility and dignity, Mr. George Lucas. He has the same dignified, totally worthwhile degree that I have!"

"We wanted to be as witty and dry and untouchable as Daria, but we related to her vulnerability, whether you were an outsider or not. And Daria helped you laugh it off, snark it off and keep a perspective on what actually mattered."

"Entertainment is the only product in our kids' lives where parents will go "So what if it's crappy? It's just for my children." You don't say that about anything else in their lives. "What? It's just a car seat! So what if the belt barely works?" "What? It's just food." And do you know why that is? Is it because you want your kids or yourself to be enriched? No. It's because kids are stupid, and you don't care what they watch, you just want them to shut up. So you can blame Disney for going crazy with direct-to-video shit but you know what? It's your fault, parents, for buying shitty awful movies for your kids based on the standards your company used to uphold. Oh wait! You don't care, because kids are stupid, and they want the same shit over and over, and you're okay with them watching shitty movies."

"So this week we're going to try and be n- ni... less mean, and give you a less awful list to balance out the last one."

— Chick, Top Five Least Awful Disney Sequels

"We get to watch Andy Dick die. Mmm, I like that, yeah. Watch that again. Oh yeah, that feels nice, I don't know, like getting a back massage. Again? Yeah, I remember really digging this!"

— Chick, Top Five Least Awful Disney Sequels

"It is the revenge fantasy where you show up to your high school reunion in a white limo and forty pounds lighter wearing furs, all under the guise of innocence and martyrdom, and is totally inapplicable in real life."

"And, as it's February, it seemed appropriate that I do Song Of The South right now as, here in America, February is National Pet Dental Health Awareness month, and a dog features heavily in this movie."

— Chick, Song of the South

"Like Uncle Charlie used to say, you run around in the bullpen, you get fucking killed."

— Chick, Song of the South

Nella: I'll just do your dishes for you, that you left in my sink. Again.

Chick: [to the audience] Oh no. It's... [sting] Catholic guilt.

Nella: I mean it's not like I'm getting paid for this, or letting you use my cable or...

Chick: Gotta go do another review that you're not in see you later. [runs off]

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