7. Valerie JarrettObama’s right-hand woman was born to American parents in pre-revolution Iran. Ergo, Muslim.

8. Bobby JindalJindal claims he’s a Hindu turned Catholic, but an anonymous blogger at jindalisamuslim.wordpress.com has been promising since March of 2011 to post “proof-positive” information about the Louisiana governor’s true religion and we’re sure he’s going to get around to it any day now. In the meantime, the Internet’s commenters agree: Muslim.

9. Some Random Family Court Judge in FloridaHis name is Elijah Williams. Case closed.

10. Prince CharlesThe Prince of Wales and future Caliph of the British Caliphate has said nice things about Islam and toured a mosque once and appreciates ancient Islamic calligraphy, so he’s a Muslim too.