CINCINNATI, Ohio – Larry Cottrell was in court on Tuesday recieving his sentence after pleading guilty to public indecency charges. He was accused of masturbating in front of some kids running a neighborhood lemonade stand.

The children were running the stand to raise money for their church when Cottrell showed up and ordered two glasses of lemonade. “My daughter passed a second glass through, and that’s when I saw him masturbating in his vehicle,” the children’s mother said. He was arrested after she called police and provided them with Cottrell’s license plate number.

As Cottrell stood before Judge Fanon Rucker, he asked for counseling and explained his actions. “I have an addiction like a heroin junkie,” he told Judge Fanon Rucker. Luckily, Judge Rucker wasn’t feeling much sympathy for Cottrell, who was charged with the same crime back in 2006. Those charges were dismissed.

“You can find help on your own. Just like I asked you if you got help before you came in here, if you knew you had a problem, you don’t come here to court having done this to somebody else and ask me for help,” the judge said.…

SACRAMENTO, Calif. – If 22-year-old Michael McLaughlin is guilty of all he has been charged with, he sure does love to masturbate. McLaughlin was picked up by police Friday afternoon near a Bannon Creek Parkway’s bike trail. The police had been responding to a report of a man masturbating in public, but once there they were notified of a woman reporting that she had just been assaulted by a man in the women’s restroom at a nearby business park. She claims a man who was masturbating inside the restroom grabbed her but ran out when she screamed and resisted. Videotape captured McLaughlin leaving the bathroom and a fingerprint places him there. Now police are checking if McLaughlin is the man reported masturbating near women in children at a local park on two separate incidents. McLaughlin told a reporter that he is innocent of all charges, invoking the Chewbacca Defense. He says he and his wife are homeless and that’s why he could have been spotted with his pants down. “So taking a piss in a park or something or somebody riding by, well, you never know what somebody is going to see.” He also added that he has no need of masturbation as whenever he gets horny, he has options.…

Louisville, CO – Back in February, we posted an article about the Safeway employee who was serving up his own tube steak behind the deli counter. 25-year-old Nicholas Lorenzo was accused of masturbating in front of a customer who reported that Lorenzo was standing behind a glass display counter jerking his dick as he asked her if she was finding everything ok. He put it away after he noticed the look of horror on the woman’s face who immediately told the store manager. When police asked about the allegations, Lorenzo admitted to “having his penis out of his pants,” according to the arrest affidavit. Police say that Lorenzo admitted to having his junk exposed and he was subsequently charged with indecent exposure. A charge he pleaded guilty to. But now things have changed, and Lorenzo has decided five years probation and registering as a sex offender, both part of the guilty plea, wasn’t very appealing. He has now decided to leave his fate to a jury of his peers by changing his plea to not guilty. …

Kenner, LA – One more reason to avoid WalMart – Ricky Scott. According to police, the 55-year-old pervert has a long history of obscenity and indecent exposure charges. As a matter of fact, lisaznola posted an article about Scott in our forums back in 2008. When that particular article was posted, Scott already had 19 arrests under his belt – all for obscenity. The arrests, which date back to 1984, have netted Scott countless years of probation, a five-year suspended prison sentence and a total of 8-months behind bars. He will whip that thing out whenever and wherever he pleases – fast food restaurants, motel balconies, WalMart – it doesn’t matter. And he doesn’t care who his audience is either. Dude just can’t keep it in his pants. Knowing that, it’s no big surprise that he’s back in the news. This time he’s accused of jerkin’ off in the electronics department at WalMart. An off-duty Kenner police officer working a security detail was approached by a concerned shopper who informed him that it appeared as if Scott was crankin’ his shank while watching a young boy.…

MADISON, Wis. – A father at a Wisonsin McDonald’s became a little wary when he noticed 38-year-old Michael Baumgartner sitting in the play area with 15 to 20 kids while looking at a laptop. It didn’t seem as if he had any children and upon closer inspection, the father realized Baumgartner was looking at a pornographic image while typing with one hand. The other hand was playing in Baumgartner’s own ball pit. When police arrived on the scene, they also observed Baumgartner chatting on the laptop while fondling his Hamburglar. He was arrested and charged with lewd and lascivious behavior as well as disorderly conduct. He admitted to police that aside from exercising his groin, he exercised bad judgment as well. This guy is either a very bold pedo, or a retarded, homeless, horny dude. I can think of no conceivable reason why a straight man with just enough intelligence to breath, could possibly think the play area of a McDonald’s is a good place to rub one out. And this is from a guy who jacks off practically anywhere, anytime.…

NORTH OLMSTED, OH – Jaded sent me this story because she said it turned her on so bad she had to keep taking breaks while typing it up. A 63-year-old man is facing misdemeanor exposure charges after he was observed by some Target shoppers, and police, sitting in his car with is pants down. Well, that is actually over-simplfying things a bit. He was observed by someone in the parking lot who saw him sitting in his car parked close to the Target store where he had covered himself with a newspaper. Cops were called and were able to surprise the man who was still sitting in the car with no pants. He explained that he was just relaxing and had no pants because it was hot (I use that one when I pick up the kids from school). But stranger still was what police retrieved from the man’s vehicle, items that included pornographic magazine photos, a bag containing women’s under garments, a handful of long brown hair and a clear container containing fluids.…

A slow news day on D’D. Maybe one of these days society will figure out how to flush the proverbial toilet and wash the turds away, but until then I’ll take a day where there wasn’t a lot of bad news being reported. Here are a few I didn’t have time to get to:

Peru – You all remember Joran van der Sloot, right? The Dutch jackass everyone thinks is responsible for the 2005 disappearance of Alabama teenager Natalee Holloway? Well Peruvian officials have announced that he is now a suspect in the killing of a woman in Peru. 21-year-old Stephany Flores Ramirez, who was found dead in a Lima hotel room registered in van der Sloot’s name. Witnesses also reported seeing the pair entering the hotel room together. Where is van der Sloot you may be wondering? According to immigration officials, Van de Sloot fled to Chile over land on Monday.

PLATTSMOUTH, Neb. – An ex-CSI cheif is gonna spend some time in prison after being convicted of planting evidence.

Albuquerque, NM – The greasy looking douchebag to the left is 54-year-old Terry Barns. The vile scrote is accused of molesting an 8-year-old girl inside the iT’Z Family Fun Center on May 17. According to authorities, Barns had been wandering around the restaurant for a couple of hours before he cornered the girl, who was at the center on a school field trip, in a ball pit. He allegedly pinned her down and kissed her while he grabbed her butt and touched her inner thigh. When the girl ran away, police say Barns started stroking himself. Somehow, dude managed to exit the restaurant unscathed. Four days later, however, he was arrested after exposing himself to a young girl while masturbating in the toy aisle at a local WalMart. He was behind bars on that charge when authorities rearrested him for the nasty incident at iT’Z. Police say Barns matched the description of the assailant captured on surveillance video at iT’Z. …

I guess it’s a good day when there isn’t much bad news to report. Here are a couple other stories that were floating around today.

BURRELL TWP., PA – Two teenage census workers were assaulted by a 43-year-old man who wanted them OFF HIS GODDAMN LAWN!! Timothy Cowan has been accused of chasing the two off his property and then following them in their vehicle. When the teens, an 18-year-old male and a juvenile female, ran off the road, Cowan reached in and grabbed one teen around the neck and threatened to punch the girl in the face.

LOUISVILLE, KY – 50-year-old Glen B. Altman was arrested after witnesses observed him masturbating in full view of children at a food mart. He then went outside by a pay phone and continued to jack off because I mean, once you’ve started you might as well finish – it’s not like the charges get worse at that point. He’s a handsome guy, you should check out his mugshot. He has also been in trouble for this kind of thing before, having been charged with indecent exposure at least three times before and two counts of stalking.

Manhattan Beach, CA – Stop me if you’ve heard this one before…a guy walks into a Target store and spots the woman of his dreams. There she is, standing in the laundry detergent aisle. Her hair shining under the fluorescent lights. Barry Manilow filtering from the speakers above. Love is in the air, folks – fused with the aroma of bleach and fabric softener. He approaches the woman. “You’re pretty,” he tells her before shyly disappearing around the corner. Before the flattering compliment even has time to sink in, he reappears in front of her shopping cart. With flowers in hand and a promise of life long adoration and love? Nope. With a booklet of 50% off detergent coupons? No such luck. Fucker dropped trou’ and started whippin’ his dripper. Because nothing turns a woman on like getting dirty in the detergent aisle. The woman, either totally skeeved out or extremely unimpressed, started in with the screaming. And with that, the wee willy wanker took off out of the store like his ass was on fire.…

Kennesaw, GA – Some of you may recall a write-up I did some time ago featuring a skeevy perv who was caught masturbating over an infant at a Barnes and Noble store in Georgia. Wouldn’t it be weird if there was another dirty old man who liked to palpitate his peener in the presence of children at Barnes and Noble? Oh, I know – let’s add to the weirdness factor a bit – let’s say the copy-cat wanker also has his roots planted in Georgia. Wouldn’t that just be friggin’ bizarre? I’d have to wonder what the hell was in the water out there. Here at the Dreamin’ Demon, we know that truth is usually stranger than fiction. Case in point: 60-year-old Gary Wayne Garvin. According to police, numerous witnesses reported seeing Garvin sitting in the children’s section of the bookstore, wanking his wee willy in the presence of several young girls. When the alleged ding-dong diddler left the store, those same witnesses jotted down the make, model and tag number of the perv’s car.…

Santa Clara, CA – Juan Guzman, a 58-year-old cab driver, was dispatched to pick up a fare at a local hospital Wednesday afternoon. Once he arrived, a hospital staffer told Guzman his services were not needed after all – he could leave. On his way out, Guzman spotted a 10-year-old girl sitting alone in the waiting room of the emergency department and began to rub his crotch. (The child’s mother was temporarily outside of the room, trying to get another of her spawn under control). A hospital employee noticed Guzman sitting next to the child and told him the girl didn’t need a ride anywhere, he should leave. Guzman left, but returned moments later and upped the ickness. Sitting next to the child, he exposed himself and began to jerk off. At one point, Guzman told the child to watch – she refused, stood up and left. The whole nasty incident was caught on camera and a staff member called the police. Another employee was able to distract Guzman and detain him long enough for the police to arrive.…

Newnan, GA – A woman was visiting a Barnes and Noble bookstore with her infant last Saturday afternoon when she and her child became unwilling participants in some creepy pissant’s masturbatory fantasy. The woman, reading a book just feet away from her 5-month-old daughter, looked up to see a man standing over the child, his peener in hand. She did what any weirded out woman would do in that position, she screamed and started off after the guy. He paused in the alleged beating of his meat and beat feet out the door while mom called 911. The woman was able to get his tag number and a BOLO was issued for the offensive asshat’s car – he was pulled over a short time later. The skeevy bastid, identified as 50-year-old Joseph Smirniotis, was taken back to the bookstore and positively identified by the woman and another witness. He is now piddling his pud behind bars and is looking at charges of child molestation and public indecency. Bond was set at $25,000.…

Virginia Beach – More masturbating hijinks this Thursday! Darrin Smith was representing Charlotte, NC while at a Virginia Beach Mall the other night. Police say that while inside a Victoria’s Secret, shoppers witnessed Smith exposing himself and performing a sex act behind a customer. Customers and employees joined forces and followed Smith around the mall until police arrived on the scene. Smith is now sitting in jail without bond on charges of indecent exposure and sexual battery. Smith should’ve done what I do when I visit Victoria’s Secret. I stay outside of the store and simply press myself up against it and start licking the window like a very tasty ice cream cone while staring at one of the sexy mannequins or posters they have hanging up. If I’m feeling really randy, I’ll press my tongue flat on the window and try to spell out obscene words with my saliva. The ladies love that one.…

El Segundo – El Segundo residents can berathe a sigh of relief as it seems as if the flasher that has been harassing local teenage girls has been apprehended. Reports of a flasher started as far back as 2008, but police have had trouble catching him even though his pattern rarely wavered. After spotting teenage girls in the early morning hours, he would park his car in a nearby alley, get out and then masturbate in front of them. Last Thursday, an off-duty El Segundo police officer noticed a man fitting the description of the flasher, driving a silver Infiniti slowly around the Richmond Street Elementary School. Police were called and the vehicle stopped. It was being drivin by 39-year-old Jeffrey William Freeman and inside his car police found personal lubricant and a hand towel. Not really damning evidence as I carry the same items. Everywhere I go. Freeman was released after being questioned for 6 hours, only to later be arrested at a Santa Monica hotel on a charge of suspicion of indecent exposure.…

Denver, CO – Flying is awesome – other passengers, however, are not. If you’re lucky, you get seated next to some misanthropic stuck-up bitch like me. Someone who has absolutely nothing to say to you and is more than happy to spend the entire flight doodling on the back of the barf bag. Draw that unlucky straw, though, and you could get stuck sitting next to someone like Murali Krishna Nookella. He’ll provide you with his own brand of in-flight entertainment – the taming of his one-eyed trouser snake. A woman traveling alone drew Nookella as a seat mate on a flight from Philadelphia to Denver. When she sat down, Nookella started in with the questions. She made it clear that she wasn’t in the mood for conversation when she put on her earphones and pulled out her laptop and fired it up. She got slightly annoyed to find Nookella looking over her shoulder and reading her e-mail, so she gave him one of those “What the fuck you think you’re doing” looks.…

Louisville, CO – A woman was grocery shopping at the Safeway on South Boulder Road with her infant last month, when she approached the meat counter. The helpful young chap behind the counter asked her, “Are you finding everything all right?” Out of the corner of her eye, from behind a glass door, she noticed an odd motion. What’s this? The helpful young man behind the meat counter had a wiener in his hand. Not one of those wieners made from pig snouts and chicken butt, mind you, but a wiener of the veined variety. Why, the studly lad was stroganoff while speaking to her! No. Way. The flustered woman looked away momentarily and the chap slid his beaten beef back into it’s package. She glanced over at the meat counter one more time, and dammit, there he was fappin’ his foie gras. Fed up with butcher boy’s public and extremely skeevy display of affection, the woman stormed off in search of a store manager. When confronted by police, Nicholas Lorenzo (aka Mr.…

St. Helens, OR – Over a period of six days in January, police received three separate reports of a flasher doing his skeevy thing at two different laundromats. In one incident, the flasher approached a woman and asked her to perform a sexual favor before exposing his junk. In the second incident, he gained the attention of some poor woman and began masturbating in front of her. And in the third, Super Skeeve physically grabbed a woman before whipping it out. As if having to use the laundromat isn’t bad enough. The serial flasher was described as a white man with crooked teeth – one of them decayed and bluish in color. In one incident the flasher was wearing a red hoodie and blue or green pajama pants. In another, he wore black shorts and a black hooded sweatshirt with a skull logo on the back. His get-away vehicle was a silver mini-van. Damn – dude sounds HOT! After receiving numerous tips from the public, authorities finally caught up with one Ian Rushing.…