Did You Spot The Hidden Message Behind Newcastle’s McClaren Statement?

Steve McClaren’s long, drawn out sacking has finally happened

Fuck off; honestly, club statements after sacking a manager can do one.

They’re full of insincere buzzwords about the former manager’s character as a man and, come the end of them, you’re actually questioning as to why the club have opted to part company with a bloke who sounds like Sir Alex Ferguson and Gandhi rolled into one.

Let’s take Newcastle’s official line following the departure of Steve McClaren:

“I would like to thank Steve personally for his services to Newcastle United. He is a man of integrity and class and he has conducted himself with great dignity during this difficult time.

Translation: “I copied and pasted this from the internet and added Steve’s name”

“Steve worked tirelessly to try and bring success to Newcastle United. He has the utmost respect of all the players, staff and management and he leaves with our very best wishes and sincere thanks.

Translation: “McClaren always looked tired, which was surprising because I never saw him do any work. Everyone at Newcastle couldn’t give a fuck about what happens to him next.”

“We feel that a change is now needed in order to give the Club the best possible chance of securing its Premier League future.

Translation: “We’d even considered taking back Joe Kinnear, which shows you just how tragic of a state Newcastle is in.”

“A further announcement on a successor to Steve will be made in due course.”

Translation: “Fucking buzzing for Rafa to come in! Did you see him in Toy Story 2? Inspirational stuff.