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How and When To Help Your Baby or Toddler Stop the Pacifier

Hey, parents — do you have a pacifier-, dummy-, binky-, or soother-addict living in your home? If so, this article is for you. We’re talking today about when to ditch the pacifier, and how to do it.

Pacifiers Are Not Evil

I think it’s important to begin our article today with this reminder – pacifiers aren’t evil. They’re not dangerous. (In fact, they may even reduce the risk of SIDS.) However, it is important to avoid introducing them until the breastfeeding relationship is established, if you are breastfeeding (or planning to).

They get a bad rap sometimes, but really, pacifiers can be a helpful tool in the effort to help our babies sleep well. Pacifiers can be a tool to help babies self-soothe without parental aid, and can decrease nighttime waking (that is, unless your baby’s constantly calling for you to come and replace the pacifier after it’s fallen out!).

So let’s remember that like many things associated with baby and toddler sleep, pacifiers aren’t a problem until they’re a problem. If the pacifier fits neatly into your baby or toddler’s life (and neatly into yours) then don’t feel pressured to get rid of it.

But what if it doesn’t? What if your baby is waking you 10 times each night to replace the pacifier after it’s fallen out of her mouth? What if you’re sick and tired of toting pacifiers everywhere you go, just so your toddler won’t have to be without one? If that’s the case, it might be time to ditch the pacifier for good.

The Ideal Age to Ditch the Pacifier

Speaking of getting rid of the pacifier — when should it happen? That’s a big question for parents whose little ones are hooked on the binky.

Unfortunately, there’s no magic age. Some parents wean their babies off the pacifier as early as 5 or 6 months; others let their toddlers hang onto their pacifiers until age 3 or 4. Truly, there’s no right or wrong, black or white when it comes to pacifier usage. It’s kind of like baby sleep in that way — babies and toddlers learn to sleep in different ways, and at different ages.

But let’s look at a general truth when it comes to weaning babies and toddlers off the pacifier – the earlier you do it, the easier it’s going to be. The same is true for sleep training, and for potty training, and for so many things associated with raising children.

For this reason, pediatricians usually recommend weaning your little one from the pacifier before age one. The idea is that before 12 months, your child hasn’t had the time (or the cognitive ability) to form a deep attachment to a pacifier, so taking it away may not be as difficult.

Not the case if you try to wean a toddler off his pacifier, however. Starting around 18 months, a toddler has likely formed strong feelings of attachment to his pacifier. Try to take it away then, and it’ll probably be much harder than if you’d done it earlier. Not impossible, of course, but filled with more tears and anger on the part of your toddler (and maybe on your part, too!). Beyond a few years old and you add the risk of causing dental problems, too.

Nicole’s Note:
“The best time to wean your baby from the pacifier (or start sleep training or potty training) would be after a child is developmentally ready, but before they have become strong-willed and emotionally attached to the status quo. Just like we recommend sleep training after 4 to 6 months old, we would not really potty train a 15 month old (though elimination communication is becoming a more popular parenting concept). Once a baby has formed an attachment to their pacifier or soother, it becomes more like a lovey and who would wean a 2 year old away from her favorite teddy bear or blanket? But, if your baby is waking up frequently at night and can’t put it in himself, that is more of a problem than a solution.

Neither of my boys had a pacifier (one not by choice and one I made a conscious effort to avoid it). We probably paid for it in the early days, but it was much easier later.”

How To Ditch the Pacifier

Just like there’s no “right age” to ditch the pacifier; there’s no “right way” to do it, either. There are a few things to keep in mind, though, as you create your plan for pacifier weaning:

If you’re weaning a baby who’s under 12 months, you probably don’t need to be creative. You can probably get by with simply throwing the pacifiers out and then preparing for a few rough, sleepless nights and some short, restless naps.

If you’re weaning a toddler, you might want to be creative. You can just get rid of the pacifiers when your toddler’s not looking, of course, and end things cold-turkey. But you could also be creative, and get your toddler to help with the weaning process. I knew a mom who told her 3 year old son that they needed to send his pacifiers to children who didn’t have any — he helped her pack them into a box and everything! It turned out to be a great solution for that family.

Nicole’s Note:
“Just like most of our Sleep Plans, we often break things up into smaller steps. I have some families stop the pacifier at night, but not during the day. Or, they use the pacifier for sleep and not throughout the day. Sometimes it doesn’t have to be all or nothing, depending on the child. Sometimes we just start slow and then build up to getting rid of it completely. Just like sleep training, what works for you may not be what worked for your friend or neighbor. Some do best with ripping off the band-aid and some do better with slow and methodical.”

Tips for Ditching the Pacifier

Whatever strategies you use to wean your baby or toddler off the pacifier, keep the following tips in mind:

Plan ahead. Weaning a baby off the pacifier is a fairly small event, but weaning a toddler is big. Very, very big for some toddlers. So plan ahead, and make sure the pacifier weaning doesn’t coincide with another big event, like a move, or the birth of a new sibling, or potty-training. It’s best to tackle big events one at a time, to help minimize your child’s stress.

Be patient. There’s bound to be some fussing and sleeplessness when you finally banish the pacifiers. That’s just how it goes. So prepare yourself to be patient, and to ride out the storm.

Be firm. If pacifier weaning just isn’t working, you may feel like stopping and trying again later. And that may work — we’re not saying it won’t! But that might not be the best approach, especially if you’re weaning a toddler. Why? Because parents, your toddlers are smart. And if they get even the slightest inkling that their actions (crying, screaming, tantrum-throwing, etc.) can make you change course, guess what’s going to happen? The crying, screaming, and tantrum-throwing will only get worse. Better to be firm and consistent now — not only will the pacifier weaning happen faster, but you’ll teach your toddler the valuable lesson that mom and dad mean what they say.

Keep perspective. For some parents, pacifier weaning belongs in the “Things That Feel Like They Might Literally Kill Me” category. It’s that painful and brutal. But take heart, parents! It’ll pass. We promise. And just think — once you’ve cleared this hurdle, there’ll only be 15 or 16 more years worth of hurdles ahead! 😉

Let’s help each other out — offer your pacifier-weaning tips and insights below!

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Comments

Michellesays

Hi there!

My little man is 4 months old and was horribly colicky since 2 weeks old. As a result, he was held/rocked/bounced/nursed constantly to help simmer the crying. Now that the colic has subsided, he can not (I mean this very literally) CAN NOT fall asleep on his own. He has never done it not even in the car or stroller. He will scream for hours if allowed to and will not tire into sleep (CIO would never be effective for him) He often takes upwards of 45 minutes to settle to sleep with rocking/bouncing and the pacifier for a nap that lasts no longer than 30 minutes. At night, he is awake 5-7 times when I usually cave and nurse him to sleep out of sheer survival. I know he needs to learn to fall asleep, and more importantly, back to sleep on his own because he is living in a perpetual state of fatigue and overtiredness…not to mention my husband and I are severely sleep deprived. Just popping the pacifier back in does not settle him back to sleep. My question is, would a cold turkey approach work in this situation? If so, should I introduce a other soothing technique like a lovey as a more “independent” sleep association? Lastly, I know you can’t predict the future, but how long can I expect this training to take? I should also mention he is exclusively breastfed and I fully understand babies wake to nurse 1-3 times a night…of which I am more than happy to do. 5-7 times with a early wake up at 5am is not ALL hunger related. His sleep environment is ideal: Black out shades, white noise, 70-72 degrees. Thank you to anyone reading this and thank you in advance for your time. My tired little body appreciates it 🙂

Hi @Michelle, thank you for visiting the Baby Sleep Site. I am so sorry to hear your son experienced colic and while you are still struggling with his sleep, I am happy for you that that part of the sleep trouble has been resolved. We would love to help. Without knowing the full history, sleep routine, etc, it is difficult for me to offer specific advise, but we do offer this in our one-on-one sleep consultations. What may help is reading through our free guide to help your child sleep through the night (and you are correct, a few night wakings are ok at this age, but it sounds like he’s got some sleep associations waking him up so the guide can still provide advise to get him back on track): https://www.babysleepsite.com/baby-sleep-through-night-free-ebook/
He is at a great age to begin teaching him this skill, but hang in there as it can be challenging. If it doesn’t stick yet, some babies respond better more around 6 months (my first was ready at 4, my second at 6, so they are all different). If you’re interested in walking through this with someone that will offer help each step of the way, be sure to read about our Personalized Consultation Packages here: https://www.babysleepsite.com/baby-toddler-sleep-consulting-services/
Hang in there! Let us know if you need anything else.

I am doing the cold turkey method with my 2yr old. He was deeply attached to his pacifier. It started out that we were only giving it to him at nap times and bedtime. It eventually turned into all day long. Which I feel isn’t great. On top of that, my toddler started chewing on them. His pacifier were starting to tear and become a hazard to him. Thats when I decided it was time to get rid of the pacifier.

Yesterday was the first day. He did pretty well throughout the day, but at bedtime is when he was really missing it. He was having trouble sleeping, so I decided to rock him to sleep. Is that bad? I feel like I’m starting a new bad habit.

Today is Day 2 and the moment he woke up, he was looking for his pacifier. He continues to whine for it. I know I need to stand firm.

Hi Emerald,
Thanks for your comment! It sounds like you are doing great work. Weaning the pacifier can be hard, but setting an empathetic, but firm, limit will be your best bet. Good luck with everything!

I am struggling to weanoff dummy for my 16 months old daughter. We manage to distract her during day time and don’t give her dummy. But she cries for it when she want to sleep. Please give me some tips to make LO sleep without a pacifier. I try to take it off when she fall asleep but sometimes she suddenly wakeup and cries for it.

@Sravanthi – Thank you for writing to us. I am sorry you’ve been struggling with weaning your daughter from the dummy. Taking something away from a toddler, especially something they’ve loved for their entire life, can be challenging! Here is a link with some tips to help your toddler sleep better, which you can hopefully use some to help during this transition. Just sign up for the free guide, confirm your email, and you’ll receive the guide in your inbox: http://babysleepsite.com/toddler-sleep-tips
Hang in there!

My 17 month old daughter has this I’m stuffed elephant lovey that she has attached herself too. To start at the beginning she did have a pacifier and around 3 months it started falling out 10 to 15 times a night and we would need to go backin to give it to her. This went on for a week and I decided after a week it was time to get rid of it. Once she was weaned (only 2 weeks it took) everything was great for a couple of months. Then she started to snuggle with a flat small blanket like lovey I had put in her crib when she was 6 months old. She then started to suck on the tab like hands and feet of the lovey. I realized this was just taking the place of the pacifier and I should have taken it away immediately, but I didn’t. Fast track 11 months and here we are she has this thing it is constantly gross stinky, but washed every day (pain in the butt to do) and I think it may be harboring so many germs and keeping her sick (runny nose cough). She only uses it at nap and bedtime. Help how do I get this thing to disappear without having a completely devastated toddler. ?

Hi @Shannon, thanks for writing! I am sorry you are struggling with your daughter using her lovey as a pacifier. Laundry is my least favorite chore I think, so I have an idea of your pain! It may be rough as it was when you removed the paci (or more of a struggle since she is older now), but hopefully either going cold-turkey or using the tips in the article will help and it will be over before you know it. If it proves challenging and the methods are not working, let us know! Our sleep consultants have a lot of experience and can suggest more specific ways for your daughter to help rid her of this sleep association. If you need more information contact us directly here: https://www.babysleepsite.com/contact
Thanks for using the Baby Sleep Site as a resource! Hang in there!

@ KT – I would definitely try to go cold turkey. I weaned my LO at 4 month from the first night without the dummy/pacifier she slept better. My LO did only have it for a short period of time before we decided to take it.

If your LO is waking quite often already what do you have to lose, a disrupted night!!!

It only took a couple of days for my LO to forget all about the dummy/pacifier everytime I thought she wanted I would destract her and keep her busy this took her mind off it. Something else I learnt out of sight out of mind literally.

Oddly enough our 8 month old appears to be self weaning from the pacifier. He is managing to stay asleep longer and survive position changes at night without crying out to have one of us pop it back in near as often. I’m hoping by 12 months that thing is gone.

@ KT — sounds to me like the pacifier probably is causing more problems than it’s solving. As for how to wean, you could always try cold turkey and see how she handles it. If it’s a disaster, you could re-introduce and then try a gentler, more gradual method.

I am about to wean my 9 month old off of her pacifier this weekend. She is fully sleep trained but still a very poor sleeper (I am convinced it is nothing we can completely correct no matter how hard we try, how much we tweak her schedule, or how consistent we are). Every little thing throws her off, and I think the pacifier is causing more problems than it is worth. I sprinkle them around the crib but since my 9 month old has not really mastered mobility she inevitably ends up away from a pacifier at some point in the night, at which point she cries until I come in to do a check and give her one. She can reinsert it herself but only when one is nearby. So it’s time for it to go and hopefully that will help her sleep through the night (which she can do) at least more often than she has lately. She actually doesn’t seem to really like her pacifier very much – she will push it away if it is offered at any time other than bedtime and naptime and even refuses to let anyone else insert it in the middle of the night.

My only question is whether to go cold turkey since she is still under a year or try the pin prick/snipping trick.

@ Lindsey — Thanks for sharing this tip! I think this is a “Happiest Baby On the Block” strategy, right? I think I remember reading about it in that book when I was trying (in vain, it turns out) to get my oldest to take a pacifier. Glad that technique worked well for you!

Sounds like pacifier use is working well in your house; if that’s the case, then you shouldn’t feel any pressure to try and wean your little guy off it anytime soon. As Nicole often says, “It’s not a problem until it’s a problem!”

Sucking really helps to calm crying babies and I would rather be able to take away the thing they suck on rather than fight them on sucking their fingers, which can’t be taken away. I found a trick for getting my little one to take a pacifier when he was originally spitting it out all of the time: once he began sucking on it, I would pull it gently (like snagging a fish on a fishing line) multiple times. He immedately sucked harder each time (the person who suggested this technique said that babies have a natural desire to prevent someone from taking something already in their mouth…it’s mine so give it back). I just spent some time, when he would take it, tugging on it gently…like ten times until he seemed to have it. I only allow him to have it for sleeping and in the car if I can’t get to him. Since he can get it himself, I just leave it in the crib for him to find and put him down without it.

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