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Author
Topic: very scared (Read 8519 times)

Hello all,Last night I had protected vaginal sex with a sex worker in Rio but the condom broke as I only noticed when I withdrew. I never had a condom break and was told it would be definately noticable. I am always careful and now I am afraid I have contracted HIV. I went to the hospital last night as well and they said they do not have PEP. I was surprised in a city like Rio to hear that. The sex worker said that she was tested 3 weeks ago and was fine and that she always uses condoms and this is the first time one broke. She was not happy the condom broke. I am going to try and find her tonight for a test if possible. She had her own condom but we used mine because I knew (thought) it was of good quality, she would not even perform oral sex without a condom. I have never been so scared of being infected. I always use condoms and am very careful. Any advice? Just wait it out until 3 months? that will be an eternity.When will symptoms first occur? I realize they may not occur and symptoms are not necessarily indictative of transmission. HELP!!

Leave the sex worker alone. You're out of line when you pursue your partner for a solution.

Take a breath and listen now. HIV is not an easy virus to transmit. It's significantly more difficult to accomplish from female. You were protected until the condom broke. Given this was a single incident the odds are overwhelmingly in your favor that transmission would not take place even IF, (and that's a big IF), the woman is HIV+.

From what you have described of her behavior in the situation it seems as if she was acting very cautiously and carefully which is is another plus for you in the situation.

I suggest you get tested at 13 weeks after this incident. I know that may sound like forever to you right now, but just stay busy during the waiting time and it can pass more quickly than you may imagine right now.

Andy,Thanks for your quick response as I am very depressed and concerned as to what happened. I believe I had sex with the broken condom for a long time and she was a petite girl so I believe the unprotected head of my penis was in tight contact with the most dangerous part of her mucus membrane of her vagina. (hope that made sense)Should I get PEP when I go home? It will have been 48 hours or slightly more.Thanks for your help.

If it puts your mind at ease you can seek out PEP. You had a possible incident. However temper that possibility with what Andy said. It is a tough virus to get especially from female to male!

Logged

LIFE is not a race to the grave with the intention of arriving safelyin a pretty and well-preserved body, but, rather to skid in broadside,thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming--WOW! WHAT ARIDE!!!

You and your doctor will have to decide (quickly) about whether or not to initiate PEP.

It is a course not to be taken lightly as the drugs are strong and often have uncomfortable side effects. In order to be effective they have to be started as soon after an incident as possible and within 72 hours.

Personally I don't see it warranted in relation to this incident, but you have to make that decision for yourself. The risk of transmission was very, very low in this case even IF the sex worker is HIV+, and the information you have given about her leads to me think that is unlikely.

Everything I said to you previously about the odds being overwhelmingly in your favor against transmission occuring are still valid.

Your mind may continue to worry you. When those thoughts and feelings come up, notice them, take a breath and let them go. The difficulty occurs when you don't like a thought and try to push it away. Then it REALLY sticks and makes you nutz.

Focus on staying productively busy during the waiting period and you will likely be amazed at how quickly the time can pass.

Thanks Andy for your time.To put my mind at ease from past protected experiences I had a home access test which came back negative. So if my 3 month test comes back positive from my broken condom incident (at the head of the penis) I will know for sure how I got it. Not that it would matter physically (medically) but pyschologically for me I would know. Reading through this web site has been very calming and I want to thank those who help so many people like myself through personal tough times. I am not tring to be a drama queen. Just waiting it out now.Thanks Andy for your knowledge and information. Quick question...I now know I could not have infected the commercial sex worker. I told her not to worry afterwards but did not have definative proof. Maybe she is just as anxious as I. Should I try to inform her to put her mind at ease? or just let it go...

Andy,It has been two weeks since my unprotected exposure (head of penis being exposed). I know you don't like to talk about symptoms but one cannot completely ignore the relationship. Don't worry, I am not going to write you ever time I sneeze.....but....Q. Do most people experience symptoms? If they do, when do they usually hit?

I have been reading a lot of your reply's and find it very beneficial......do you ever "sugar coat" things to make people feel better? Or do you tell it like it is?

I have been reading a lot about transmission risks (AidsMed, The Body (Dr.Bob), Poz Nation, etc.) and it seems a surprising number of people have been effected with one exposure. Of course, sometimes fact from fiction is a fine line on the internet.

I will get tested at 6 weeks, if negative I will test again at 13 weeks.

The whole symptom thing is a red herring. Lots of people never experience a single symptom - which is part of why there are so many people walking around, not knowing they are hiv positive. Other people become so sick during seroconversion they end up in a hospital bed. Forget about symptoms or even the lack of symptoms - you cannot know your hiv status by symptoms.

I've been around here for six years and I've yet to see someone end up positive after a condom break. Hiv is a fragile, difficult to transmit virus and more so from a woman to a man - and that's when no condom is used at all. You were protected until the condom broke.

We do not sugar coat things here. When someone has had a significant risk, we say so. You've had a risk, but not a significant one and I fully expect you to come out of this ok and hiv negative.

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Thanks RapidRod and Ann for your comments.And Ann that is a calming note on your expericence advising on broken condoms. My re-occuring anxiety is how the condom broke exposing the entire head of my penis and who knows how long it was exposed. After ejaculation when I pulled out I could not believe my eyes. Could have been for the majority of the time as I did not feel it break. I have always been very careful and educated in the past. But here I am.Thank you for your time and attention. You and your team do a lot of good for a lot of people. Thanks.

Maybe I had a defective condom because I put it on correctly. Wasnt drunk. Didn't feel it break. But upon withdraw after ejaculation the entire upper 2/3rds of the condom was "torn away" exposing the entire head of my penis. I have used condoms a lot (the same brand..Trojan..lubricated) and never had that experience. Very odd. Ann, I hope I do not break your 6 year string of testing neg after a broken condom. I can't help but think my case is a little different and more of a risk exposure.

It's possible that the condom was old or had been exposed to excess heat during storage. Latex will degrade with time or heat, so you need to check the sell-by date and make sure you store them properly. Don't carry one around in your wallet, for example, and expect it to be in good shape three months later. If you're going out and hoping to get lucky, put a fresh condom in your wallet and remove it again if it does not get used.

I'm still confident you'll be just fine. Your case does not strike me as special or different in any way.

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

yes..the other thing I do is when I travel (I bring my own "trusted" brand) I keep them as carry-on rather than expose them to the riggers of check-in luggage, change in temp, air pressure, etc. Don't put them in the same pocket as my potentially sharp edged keys when I go out. Bring an extra in case of failure......ironic. I had one break once as I took it off (long time ago when I was not as experienced)....but nothing has ever happened like this before..and probably with one of the highest risk partners as possible.Ann, Andy, Rrod...thanks for all that you. Keep it up.

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Well I believe reading almost this entire web site has helped me during my "window wait." I am strongly recommending it to others who may be reading this and waiting after a risk.Another question... In your opinion.......Is protected sex acceptable during the waiting period and should I disclose my situation? I am not married nor in a serious relationship. I always use condoms properly and now I am afraid I will always have this paranoia during protected sex and will have to check every 30 seconds. The statement that a person can always tell when a condom fails was not true in my case. I wasn't drunk and I am a knowledgeable and experienced lifetime user of condoms. 3 more weeks before my initial 6 week "glimpse.

When we say that you will know if a condom has broken, we mean when you look at it. You knew yours was broken by looking at it. You may not always feel it, although many people do. If you read through the condom link in my signature line, they recommend you check your condom periodically.

You can have protected intercourse during your window period. Condoms protect both ways. In fact, until you are in a securely monogamous relationship where you have both tested negative together, you should be using them every time, no exceptions, window period or no window period. I suspect you already know that, but I wanted to clarify that for other readers.

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Andy,After reading your advice to "enjoythesilence" (topic "prevention), your description of when a condom breaks "it is like a hula hoop with a torn skirt" is exactly how my condom looked afterwards. Completely shredded...exposing my penis head. For all you readers this was true in my case as well. I would not be worrying as much if it slipped off upon withdrawl or "supposedly" had a tiny hole. Waiting in the window.

Symptoms or the lack of symptoms mean nothing when it comes to hiv. Only testing will reveal your hiv status. I know plenty of people who had no symptoms whatsoever yet tested positive. I also know plenty of people who had every symptom in the book, yet tested negative. Symptoms are meaningless when it comes to hiv.

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

After coming to this web site every day for the past two months and absorbing the info I decided to go ahead and get an 54 day test after unprotected insertive vaginal sex with a CSW. (I am calling it unprotected because I see it as the same risk) It only took one day for the results ($40) and it was "no reactivo" with a Elisa ABBOTT, VIH 1/2. ( I live in S.America) they were very professional. I am assuming the test here is of high quality.I know I am not "out of the woods" but are there any numbers/statistics or percentages of people testing positive after testing neg at 7.5 weeks? Andy, Ann and RRod: any of you know of people testing pos after a 54 day neg?I will test again after 13 weeks.

Big, your negative test result is more than a little encouraging. The average time to seroconversion is 22 days. All but the smallest number of those that are going to seroconvert will do so within 4-6 weeks after an exposure to the HIV virus.

Given that you had a condom on until it broke and this was a single partially exposed incident, and with that negative at 6 weeks in hand, I would expect you to continue to test negative at 13 weeks.

My risk was complete condom breakage with insertive vaginal sex with a CSW.I received my 13 week negative result today with an ELISA 3rd generation test. The moderators at this site were of tremendous help during the last 3 months. Andy, you were first on the "scene" and your rational advice helped calm my worst fears. Ann, you obviously are very knowledgeable and you educate all of us to understand our potential risks (I am glad I did not ruin "your" 6 year "insertive vaginal, no-one has tested pos after broken condom" string) . RapidRod, "rapid" is appropriate because I think you prefer to get right to the point without a lot of "emotional discussion" along the way. Sometimes we need that. Collectively you three guided me through what could have been a very difficult 3 months and you should know that YOU make a tremendous difference in helping people like myself. I wish all of you the best of health and happiness.

Attention all of those at risk:Read the lessons pages and educate yourself before asking your questions. Have confidence in the moderators...they know what they are talking about. Don't put yourself at risk if you cannot handle the potential emotional fall-out. I learned my lesson.

Now Big, I hope never to see or hear from you again about an HIV scare. Now if you want to come back and say howdy, that's okay. Just keep using condoms, plenty of water base lube and take care of yourself.

LIFE is not a race to the grave with the intention of arriving safelyin a pretty and well-preserved body, but, rather to skid in broadside,thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming--WOW! WHAT ARIDE!!!

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

I know this is not an infection question.......but I respect your advice. I recently purchased Trojan brand "Ultra Thin" condoms for use with my girlfriend. Are they just as safe as the thicker types?? In your experience talking with many people, have you known of this type to have more breaks?? They come lubricated.

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts