Paul and I attended an engagement party where the couple gave gifts to the newly minted members of the bridal party in front of everyone. Paul thought he might be asked to be a groomsman, but he wasn't too upset when he didn't make the cut (the groom wasn't in our party or anything).

Almost a full year after the engagement party, the groom decided to pop the question (no, not that one): He said he felt closer to Paul at that point in time than he did at the engagement party (and that's why he wasn't asked originally), and he'd love to have him in the party now.

Paul didn't know how to respond, so he asked the groom if he could have some time to think about it. Eventually, Paul made up his mind: He decided to decline the offer. He thought it would be easier to attend as a guest partly because I wasn't close with anyone else who'd be attending the wedding.

Now we really feel he made the right decision: Just days after Paul turned down the job, we found out that the groom asked someone else to be a groomsman! That guy said yes, didn't know that they had asked Paul first, and at the wedding, the bridal party sides were perfectly even. I couldn't help but think that one of the original groomsmen had dropped out and the couple saw my hubby as a ticket to solving their lopsided bridal party dilemma (attention brides: an uneven wedding party isn't the end of the world!).

So I give having a B-list of wedding attendants a big fat I don't. (At the very least, offer up a different title, like usher, so there's no reason for the person to feel like a second-class groomsman.)

Do you think asking people to be a part of the bridal party after the couple's asked others is okay? How about in this situation, if the groom really felt he was closer to Paul later on? Would you potentially hurt someone's feelings to even up the bridal party sides?