Information, Resources and Support for NICU Parents and Families--those who hold the littlest hands From a respected physician, health educator, professor, lecturer, author and former NICU Parent.

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

The Distress of the NICU Parent - Each Person Only Knows His or Her Own Pain

There is an expression about not judging a person unless you have walked a mile in his or her shoes. I think this is much the same when trying to understand the grief and pain felt by a NICU parent when trying to make the best decisions for their NICU baby.

I wish people wouldn't pass judgment on parents who ask for everything possible to be done to save their children.

I wish people wouldn't pass judgment on parents who ask that their children be left in peace if resuscitation appears futile.

"T" reflects on a one of her very difficult experiences as a medical student and a more postive experience as an Intern and Mother with her own daughter. She cautions that the first story may elicit a strong reaction from some. (I would caution parents before reading the first part that "T's" reflections are more geared for professionals, who must deal daily with difficult life and death situations.)NICU Parents experience a wide range of distresses. Many want absolutely everything done to save their child. Others are able to help their child let their child go if care appears to be futile. It may be difficult for people to understand either of these points of views.

After reading T's post, a quote from Paulo Coelho comes to mind:

We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation.

It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.

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About the Blogger

Kirsti A. Dyer MD, MS, FT is a respected physician, health educator, professor, author and former NICU Parent. She uses different identities Comfortdoc, Griefdoc, Momdoc, Professordoc, Nutritiondoc and Wellbeingmd depending on the circumstance. Since 1997 she has served the grieving Internet community with the Journey of Hearts website. She keeps several blogs on a variety of topics.

Author's Biography Information

Kirsti A. Dyer MD, MS, FT is a respected physician, an expert in life challenges, loss, grief and bereavement, professional health educator, professor, lecturer and author.Dr. Dyer is the Domain Designer for the Journey of Hearts website, created in 1997 as the first and only physician-based website devoted to educating people about the normal grief response. Dr. Dyer is also a former NICU Parent, author of the Free e-Book For Those Who Hold the Smallest Hands and founder of the NICU Parent Support Site, http://www.nicuparentsupport.org.

The blog and website were created to provide information, support and resources for NICU Parents and Families.