Comedy corner: Non-PC jokes guaranteed to offend

by Whaleoil staff on July 30, 2018 at 5:00pm

Welcome to politically incorrect Comedy corner: the one place on Whaleoil where you are allowed to read and share naughty and offensive jokes that make us all laugh even though we are not supposed to. If you are offended by these kinds of jokes then please do not read this post.

Unintentionally rude comics…

To my friends who enjoy a glass of wine… and those who don’t.
As Ben Franklin said: In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in
water there is bacteria.
In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated
that if we drink 1 litre of water each day, at the end of the year we would
have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. coli) – bacteria
found in faeces.
In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop.
However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer (or tequila, rum,
whiskey or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification
process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.
Remember: Water = Poop, Wine = Health.
Therefore, it’s better to drink wine and talk stupid, than to drink water
and be full of shit.
There is no need to thank me for this valuable information:
I’m doing it as
a public service…Goodnight and take care.

What’s green and smells like pork?

Kermit’s finger

A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, “All of you sons of b*tches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of b*tches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we’re going down the tracks.” The mother went nuts and told her son, “We don’t use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language.” Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, “All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon.” She hears the little boy continue, “For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today.” As the mother began to smile, the child added, “For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the b*tch in the kitchen.”