Swine

French police have riddled a wild boar with bullets after it got into a clothes shop in the city of Poitiers, forcing customers to flee.

The boar, weighing 90kg (198lb), was shot after it began charging at police, the French news agency AFP reported. Fifteen people were evacuated and the shop reopened two hours later. Two other boars were seen in the area.

Local police said the officers who opened fire were not used to dealing with such incidents.

“It was just a normal shopping day for us, until the pigs arrived,” said one of the surviving boars. “We were just trying on some of the new Calvin Swine and Porko Barocco when they came blundering in and started shooting the place up. Wild? I was bloody furious.”

“It eez true,” said a stereotypical French shopkeeper, “ze rozzers, zey wos shooting ‘ere zair and everywhere! Zose boar, zey are good customers of zis shop but the police treat them like animals!”

“Look, let’s be realistic about this,” said Inspector Boulangerie, “my men are more used to dealing with shoplifters and drug pushers. Nobody complains if we shoot them. For some reason the locals are very protective of the wild boar.”

“It eez true, we are most fond of the delectable porkers,” said a spokesman for the twenty three local butchers.