Thursday, 15 February 2018

Dear Owls, crumbs.

Dear Owls,

Recently, I read a blog post I wrote in 2015. True to it's title, it was a life changer - but not for the reasons I wrote it at the time. I've had a terrible writer's block and many times people ask me what gets me out of them. These random blocks that ruin your life... a lot of times I would say tea and yummy biscuits. But the truth to the end of most of my writer's blocks are me. I get myself out of my own block by reading things I've written before. Realizing that it's okay to share stories on my blog.

I'm so afraid of privacy, that I forgot some stories can be shared. It's not the end of the world for people to learn/grow from your experiences. I've got tons of stories to share; why haven't I already told them? Why do I keep all these stories in my heart? I bet you'd love to know about the time I climbed a fence to reach my university in time for my curfew. Or the time I sang under the moon in our university to a crowd of friends. I bet you'd love to hear about the places I've eaten at, or the time I drove a jet ski. The time I won at laser tag, or even that one time my dad walked in on me singing my heart out, smiled and shut the door. I bet you'd love to know all about how that smile he gave me made me feel. I've got stories about people who've hurt me, used me or loved me and let me go. I bet you'd love to know everything about the details, about how I've betrayed my own values sometimes.

It is as they say, that the devil is in the details.

But see, some stories are mine. And they will always stay mine. The curiosity will kill you, but it'll keep you wanting more. Perhaps this blog is for those who want a distraction from their own life by reading crumbs of mine. I think the biggest crumb I'll throw out there, is that I've recently had a huge self discovery. In the past 4 years of university, I was tested on my patience. How patient I am with the situations I've been put in. The truth is, owls, I didn't pass that test.

Do I regret it?

Of course not. And that's always the answer I reach; regret nothing.

However, with the end of my university journey, I must bid adieu to the person I was for a while. It's really exciting becoming someone who is this massive fire ball. Becoming this amazing, loud and wild person. But have you ever heard of the snowball effect? Breaking your limits are sort of like that. The snowball of decisions keep rolling and rolling. You barely even realize that the mistakes get bigger, until one day you just stop rolling, crawl out of the snowball and accept the fact that it's okay to be a fireball too. You were born a fireball. Because you wouldn't have gotten out of the snow without that heat inside you. It's okay to be amazingly insane. However, eventually, the real you starts to whisper in your ear... and it starts to tell you that you're not this person. This person that you had fun being, but aren't truly.

Take what you must from all your journeys. Learn what you must and appreciate all the people that have helped you grow into the person that you've transformed into. It's a beautiful thing to experience life in all it's forms. Which is why regret is never a factor you should keep in mind. The pain of losing people along the way is always what keeps you longing for a different path. At the end of the day, we mustn't dwell on what we have lost because what we have gained is far greater. It is not an easy journey, discovering who you are - congratulate yourself, some people never end up finding it.