RoCoAdAl
Thrust into a universe that is not his own Dusk Shine will find that being stuck in a diffrent world is the least of his problems as he clashes with previously banished Queen Chrysalis princess Luna growing attraction and his angry female counterpart ·Distorted Flare

DaCoRaAl
My name is Princess Platinum. Last week, I turned 5,086 years old. I made myself immortal with the help of a gemstone enchanted by my most trusted advisor. Her name is Clover the Clever. One day, we aim to take back the Crystal Empire. This is our s ·meme-asaurus

RoCoRaSlAl
If living in a town with six mares in love with him isn't bad enough, Dusk Shine get a letter from his childhood "Friend", Dawn Rune. How will Dusk handle, not only the mares but Rune's out going personality? ·Alchemicgree

DaCoRaAl
My name is Princess Platinum. Last week, I turned 5,086 years old. I made myself immortal with the help of a gemstone enchanted by my most trusted advisor. Her name is Clover the Clever. One day, we aim to take back the Crystal Empire. This is our s ·meme-asaurus

Breaking the 4th wall, completely, is fine in short doses, or when it's the central point for the story. Honestly, it's really not in this case, but Pinkie keeps throwing the lack of 4th and canon at everything.

It detracts from the story and the general premise of your standard harem situation. The Pinkie/Pinkamena dynamic would be enough insanity to get by, but top that with 4th wall and it's a bit much. I'm not saying to cut it out completely, and the random comment or two is fine, but I don't think dialing it back would be uncalled for.

HUZZAH! Our Princess of the night returns. We shall celebrate this occasion with a party. I'll invite everyone I know. *picks up the phone and dials* Yes, can you get me in contact with DIscord....What do you mean he's not available...Being trapped in stone is no excuse...Oh, so he's not trapped in stone, eh...Get your facts straight woman. Is he or is he not in stone?...What do you mean maybe? *growls and hangs up* I'll handle this...

*Discord pops up* You rang.

*I jump out of my seat and scream. The spirit laughs, while I scowl at him.* Not funny.

(DIscord) Now, what did you want me for?

(Me) We're throwing a party for Luna, so I thought you could gather everyone.

(Discord) Little Lulu. It'll be my pleasure. *He looks off screen with a serious expression* Prepare yourself Lulu, for the party of your life. *He disappears in a flash*

(Me) In hindsight, that may have not been the best idea.

[Oh, and I'd love to see more interaction between Celestia and Dusk. She acts so much like a mother to him. She wants the best for him and for him to be happy, while also enjoying making him squirm. Besides, she's like the perfect mom...beside his own mom of course.]

All right, memesaurus. I'm only gonna say this because A) you keep making it a big deal by bringing it up and never doing anything about it, and B) I really think this may be what you need to hear. Or read. Or whatever.

The reason people keep bringing up how annoying it is that Pinkie Pie breaks the 4th wall constantly is that it's obnoxious for her to keep doing it. What made Pinkie Pie funny in the show? She was random, with her behavior being unpredictable. The thing is, she's always doing this same tired joke where she breaks the fourth wall, and that robs her of her unpredictability.

I like the whole Pinkamina angle though. It adds another dimension while still giving popular fanon a nod.

The thing you would need to do, though, is to cut back on the 4th wall breaking and focus more on what made Pinkie Pie fun. Make more jokes based on her incomprehensibility. You did a great job of balancing both in this chapter: her 4th wall moment addresses something that bothered people about SA, while Dusk Shine comments on her bizarre behavior. That's what you need to focus on: appropriate timing. Breaking the 4th wall should only be done when it would be funny to do so, which obviously is not most of the time.

I'm only writing this because you keep ignoring people who are giving you constructive criticism as if they're trying to bring you down. That is not the attitude that an author should have. I like the story so far, but Pinkie's predictable 4th wall breaking isn't funny.

Great chapter really see how things are different than in the show. Will Dusk get out of his brothers shadow or has he already done that? Something tell's me if he's spying on the elements Discord is loving Dusk's love life because if that's not chaos than the Royal Voice isn't loud.