Eating, exploring and enjoying life

I want to stay here forever

I was a little surprised when I realised my last post was on May 15th.

I’ve been on a slow, very slow climb to recovery. Not physically, that’s yet to come but mentally I feel I’m on other side of blah…the good side.

I’ve been stress free for at least a week, maybe more. I have slipped into an existence of being. I do things but not in a hectic, control-freak way. I just do what needs to be done or feels like the right time to be doing it at the time. I don’t over analyse things as much. I’m certainly not freaking out about rejections from an editor or whether I can afford this that or the other. I’m buying a Kindle on Tuesday.

I’ve wanted one since my BFF Gillian lent me hers to read, Fifty Shades Darker last June. For some reason, I never got one. I’ve bought several paper books since then though; enough to have bought a Kindle and a few ebooks. Well, I’ve decided I want one so I’m getting one when I go to the city next week.

Next week, I’m going to the city to my “procedure”. This is how one acquaintance put it the other day so now it’s the term to describe the colonoscopy and gastroenterology I am having on Tuesday. I’m looking forward to it. I have been eating nonstop wheat and gluten since I saw the specialist on May 9th. I’m getting used to having tummy rumbles and ruptures. I may miss them when I give up gluten again after Monday (I can’t eat any solids the day before the “procedure”).

Having the “procedure” may stress some people because of “going under the knife” but I’m not worried. I’m loving my daily life at the moment. As I said, I’m not stressing. I do wonder if this is a good thing or not; sometimes I’m afraid this slow speed won’t gather enough momentum to take me far in my creative career but I don’t dwell on that. It’s passing thoughts.

What’s helped me so much is reading. I have finished Marianne Williamson’s A Return to Love and now I’m nearly finished Pat Mesiti’s A $1 Million Reason to Change your Mind. It’s a book about prosperity and how you need to change your mindset to be prosperous. It’s so good and so helpful. Of course, I have known for many years that mindset plays a major part in how prosperous your life will be and for me, it’s been easy to forget that notion as well. I need reminders a lot, especially when I let my mind revert back to negative thinking and depression.

To overcome this inbred affliction, I am now (once again) focussing on what I want in my life and tossing to the side what I don’t want. I have made a vision board (something I have done many times before) and I am doing what needs to be done in the moment. I feel relaxed, calm and at ease in what I do.