Robbie Myers on Leaning In

Making the best of an untenable situation seems like a not-good-enough way to go through life, yet many women who both work and have children feel that's pretty much their only option. Writing about a thought-provoking new book called Overwhelmed, by Washington Post reporter Brigid Schulte, ELLE's Features Director, Laurie Abraham, brings a fresh perspective and needed insight into what's too often called the problem of "work-life balance." Abraham writes about the way the huge demands in women's lives have been underestimated by academics studying time use—did you know that if your car breaks down and you wait two hours for a tow, researchers count that time as "leisure"?—as well as how we all simultaneously glorify and lament our busyness.

The classification of work and life as two distinct entities (as in, for example, Smith College's oft-cited Center for Work & Life) always irritates me. Work is where I spend most of my time, much of my psychic energy, and nearly all of my physical energy. How is it not my life? I am always working, and I don't mean this in the hyperbolic "Oh my God, they don't ever leave me alone" way. The thing is, I am also always my children's parent. There is never a moment when I'm not parenting them, not providing for them, not loving them. I don't bring the office home, but I bring my brain home, and when I'm helping my son with his homework and thinking about the appropriate amount of assistance to give him, I'm also pondering how to untie a knotty personnel issue in the office or deliberating whether we should drop a particular story for something else. I'm always working, I'm always parenting, I'm always married, and I always care about my friends and extended family. I'm writing this from a hotel room during London Fashion Week; my kids are here with me for two days over Presidents' Day weekend, and they do things without me while I'm at shows or meetings. Am I vacationing during work? Or working during a vacation? I don't know how to separate the two. I'm sure I'd feel good if I just took a vacation, but I didn't set up my life that way, and as demanding as it is, I feel lucky to have it. I in no way mean to diminish the good work that the people at Smith do; nor do I mean to minimize the real suffering a lot of women (including me) go through in an effort to bring meaning to their endeavors and find some semblance of peace amid the noise. It just seems that for all the talk about balance, leaning in, having/not having it all, and who's not doing the dishes, we rarely mention gratitude in the conversation. Rarely do we acknowledge that the reason we signed up for it all is because it's wonderful. Did we really think it wouldn't be hard? What Abraham discovers in Schulte's book is the meaning behind the statistics, and in the process, she shows us a better way to balance opposing forces—not life versus work, but life versus time. If there's one thing we all need more of but are never going to get, it's that second one, so let's stop pitting them against each other.

If anyone can figure this all out, it's the winsome and brainy Emma Watson, who, clever girl, dropped out of the star-making machinery for several years, just enough time to get her bachelor of arts from Brown. There she "read English" (as the Brits say), rolled around in the grass, and basically spent her time racking up good grades as well as gaining a lot of perspective on womanhood and the state of women around the world. It will be fascinating and rewarding to see what she's learned come to fruition through her work. As for her life? I'm sure that will be brilliant too!

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