As everyone knows, the most oppressed person in the world today is the humble white man. As part of the species masculine fragilitis, white men have been under assault for almost two years: enduring jokes made at their expense, women flippantly dismissing their earnest attempts to explain things to them that they already know, and news articles pointing out how many of us women and children they kill.

For a time back there, they even had to endure a bloody woman prime minister, for heaven’s sake! Will nothing stop the indignity and humiliation to which men are being subjected?

But don’t drown in those male tears just yet, because a beacon of hope glimmers on the horizon. On August 25, a march will be held in Melbourne to counter the vicious defamation of men and their characters. The organiser of the March For Men urges Australians to “rally together for masculinity, for men’s rights and just to demonstrate that we know that men matter too”.

Similar protests and gatherings have been proposed before, but nothing’s ever come of it because the chances of men mobilising together to sort out their own issues are about non-existent as the oppression they imagine is being meted out against them.

So can I just say there’s no shortage of f---ing irony in the fact that August’s march is being organised by a woman?

Sydney Watson describes herself as a “conservative political commentator”. News Limited describes her as a “pro-gun, anti-feminist, half-American Donald Trump supporter”. I would probably more succinctly describe her as an idiot, but horses for courses I suppose.

Still, what else do you call someone who thinks “the fight for women’s rights is harming the fight for men’s rights”? It’s okay, Sydney, I’m sure this will net you the job on Sky you’re clearly angling for (sorry, Daisy).

The event page for March For Men states, “From the schoolyard to the office, Australians have been repeatedly reminded how undesirable it is to be a man. After weeks of attacks from the media, from politicians and from interest groups – enough is definitely enough!”

Gosh, can you imagine having to suffer weeks of "attacks" from the media? Can you just imagine what it must feel like to have the bloody media writing articles about things that have actually happened, things that involve women being raped, beaten, murdered and stolen from the people they love? It must feel awful! Weeks of it! How can anyone let this injustice stand?

Listen, sarcasm aside, men do have problems. Masculinity is in a state of crisis. Men are harmed by the world they live in. But none of that is because of feminism or the battle for women’s rights. Men suffer because of the patriarchy, not because women have started shouting back against victim-blaming again or told men to close their legs on public transport. It’s the patriarchy and toxic ideals of masculinity that hurt men, and part of this toxicity is in always seeking to shift blame onto the women that men have historically been told they have dominion over.

We are constantly lectured to about this supposed goodness of men, how 99.9999 per cent of them are "wonderful" and how they deeply love the women in their lives (how generous of them, by the way).

But, if that’s true, why do so many of them choose to respond to reports of horrific violence against women – violence that is gendered, often sexual and sometimes fatal – with the insistence that their feelings be taken into account when reporting it? Why do aspirational "Official Women" like Sydney Watson find it so much more galling and offensive to have men’s behaviour highlighted to them than they do the fact that so many women suffer at their hands?

And why do they feel so much more passionately about reasserting their authority than they do commit to working with feminism and its goals to change behaviours that are harmful? Behaviours that don't just affect women, but that also see violence being perpetrated between men: boys being punched and killed on city streets, say, or assaulted on football fields.

In June, a 22-year-old woman was raped and murdered while walking home from work. A man desecrated her memorial site and justified it as "an attack on feminism".

Five days later and less than 2km from where that happened, another woman was dragged into a car and raped by more than one man. The men currently charged with that crime were cricket club teammates.

A 28-year-old woman in Sydney was murdered and dumped in bushland, with her 19-year-old male housemate charged with the crime. A 19-year-old woman in Melbourne was stabbed during a party, and the racists in Victoria's community jumped to blame African gangs because maintaining racism is more appealing to them then demanding change from men in general.

In the space of a single weekend shortly after all this, three women were murdered by men known to them.

The men who chose to commit these crimes were fuelled by a sense of rage and/or entitlement that is directly informed by misogyny, gender inequality and patriarchy. These are things that men should be marching against and working to dismantle in their communities. Masculinity is not toxic and dangerous, but masculinity emboldened by patriarchy is both these things.

And all those self described "good" men who ignore the gravity of these issues in deference to the ridiculous, made up one of "men's rights" are really just proving how their commitment to goodness is contingent on them still being able to enact it from a place of power and the warm glow of adoring women who will continue to put them first.