Wealthy too have problems

With so many families still trying to recover from the Great Recession, the wealthy aren't feeling much love from the American public.

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By Michelle Singletary

recordnet.com

By Michelle Singletary

Posted May. 8, 2013 at 12:01 AM

By Michelle Singletary
Posted May. 8, 2013 at 12:01 AM

» Social News

With so many families still trying to recover from the Great Recession, the wealthy aren't feeling much love from the American public.

The average net worth of households in the upper7 percent of the wealth distribution chain increased 28 percent during the first two years of the nation's economic recovery compared with a 4 percent drop for households in the lower 93 percent, according to a Pew Research Center analysis of data from the Census Bureau.

Like most people, I have trouble grasping why families with substantial net worth have so many problems. Yes, money can't buy happiness. But surely it isn't as problematic or stressful as living paycheck to paycheck.

And yet we shouldn't be so envious of those who are prosperous. Many of their families aren't thriving.

"Few wealthy families devote the same intensity, energy and commitment to their human assets - their family members - as they devote to their financial assets," said Ellen Miley Perry, founder and managing partner of Wealthbridge Partners, a firm that advises wealthy families.

Perry's seen a lot that money couldn't fix over her two-decade career. And now she's taken the lessons learned and put them in "A Wealth of Possibilities: Navigating Family, Money, and Legacy (Egremont Press, $20), which I've chosen for this month's Color of Money Book Club.

Before you scoff at a book aimed at the affluent, let me assure you much of the advice applies to the rising rich, too. You might not own a private jet or a summer home in the Hamptons, but there's a lot in this book if you're making more than enough to overindulge your children and turn them into entitled terrors. "First-generation wealth creators are often inclined to make the lives of their children easier through their financial resources," Perry said. That's not always a good thing.

Think about these questions, Perry asks:

» How do you keep your feet firmly on the ground in the midst of great abundance?

» What is the meaning of work in the context of our financial means?

» What is the fundamental purpose of our monetary wealth?

Much of her advice is about communication. Have regular family meetings, she advises. Develop a family mission statement. Talk about your family values. All the talk should lead to balance. Don't allow the machinery - meetings, travel, projects - that allows you to make money take too much of your attention away from your family.

I'll be hosting a live online discussion about "A Wealth of Possibilities" at 9 a.m. May 30 at washingtonpost.com/discussions. Perry will join me to answer your questions. Every month, I randomly select readers to receive a copy of the featured book. For a chance to win a copy of this month's book club selection, send an email to colorofmoney@washpost.com with your name and address.

Contact Michelle Singletary, a personal finance columnist at The Washington Post, at singletarym@washpost.com.