Tom Cruise, Back In The Closet

In a victory for fans of hilariously puerile cartoons that effortlessly rip apart quasi-religious groups (and the celebrities who love them) everywhere, it’s the return, just Wednesday (July 19), of one of the most (in)famous “South Park” episodes ever.

Yes, it’s the Emmy-nominated “Trapped in the Closet” episode, once again released from TV purgatory, in which a totally not gay Tom Cruise (along with equally not gay John Travolta), the freakish Scientology “religion,” and that ungodly bad R. Kelly song all get poked in the kidneys with the ice picks of savage cartoon satire. What’s more, anyone confused as to just what the hell Scientology is all about, and why intelligent people everywhere think it’s a bizarre and litigious and brainwashin’ cult, will come away surprisingly well informed, if not slightly nauseated.

You may read about the episode’s controversy — all about Tom Cruise conspiracy theories, “Mission: Impossible III” marketing, Comedy Central’s sporadic wimpiness, Trey Parker and Matt Stone’s brilliant (but still petulant and often juvenile) egos, right here. Or you may simply watch the episode for yourself, and come away safe in the knowledge that Tom Cruise is indeed a national treasure (if, by “national treasure,” you mean creepily disturbed megalomaniac who’s had his mind scrambled by Xenu) and that Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard is indeed a genius visionary (if, by “genius visionary” you mean hack sci-fi writer/eccentric/goofball/former Satanist who died with high levels of psychiatric drugs swimming in his body). Worth watching, no?