Though burning lips and upset tummies were reported by students who drank from the cooler, no one required medical attention. The perpetrator was apparently identified after he bragged about it in text messages to friends, and now he—and three witnesses who were in on it—have been disciplined. (The school district won't say what their punishment is. Being forced to drink bleach would seem appropriately Hammurabian.)

The student reportedly told authorities he didn't mean to harm anyone, so his chemistry teacher should probably be fired. We also know it wasn't orange Gatorade in the cooler, or the taste would have been noticeably improved.