Serving the marginalized and vulnerable
Read about Grace and Main Fellowship on page 4

the test of our faith

by Larry Hovis, CBFNC Executive Coordinator

What would you say most distinguishes us as Baptists?
Believers’ baptism by immersion? Freedom of the local church?
Advocating for religious liberty?
All of these concepts and more are vital to our particular
Baptist identity. I would add to that list an emphasis on missions.
Growing up in my Baptist church, I don’t remember a lot of
talk about baptism (we certainly practiced believers’ baptism, but
didn’t talk about it much), local church autonomy or religious
liberty. But we talked about missions all the time. At Christmas
and Easter when we collected missions offerings. In RAs and
other Christian education programs. At summer youth camp. In
Baptist Student Union. Missions was a strong emphasis in my
formation as a Baptist Christian.
And while the missions we learned about certainly included
sharing the Good News of God’s love and forgiveness in Jesus
Christ, it was delivered (by missionaries and our own efforts)
primarily through acts of mercy and compassion to vulnerable
and marginalized people: children, elderly, hungry, poor, and sick.
This focus, of course, is thoroughly biblical. The following
verses are but a few samples of the hundreds of Scriptures
that point us in the direction of serving the weakest and most
needy among us:
•

“For the Lord your God is God of gods and Lord
of lords, the great God, mighty and awesome…
who executes justice for the orphan and the widow,
and who loves the strangers, providing them food
and clothing. You shall also love the stranger, for you
were strangers in the land of Egypt.” (Deuteronomy 10:17-19)

•

“Is not this the fast that I choose: to loose the bonds
of injustice…to let the oppressed go free…? Is it not
to share your bread with the hungry, and bring the
homeless poor into your house; when you see the naked,
to cover them…?” (Isaiah 58:6-7)

•

“Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the
Father, is this: to care for orphans and widows in their
distress, and to keep oneself unstained by the world.”
(James 1:27)

In my travels to partner churches I see many examples of
congregations engaged in hands-on missions ministries with

Oberammergau 2020

the vulnerable and marginalized: food pantries, clothes closets,
wheel chair ramp building, benevolence ministries, constructing
affordable housing, visiting the sick and elderly (including
but not limited to church members), and much more. But
congregations are limited in the amount of direct ministry they
can provide to these populations.
Therefore, we join together as a fellowship to support
efforts to serve God’s mission to the poor and marginalized.
Here are a few examples:
•

Marc and Kim Wyatt in our own state, plus CBF field
personnel around the world, welcome refugees and
asylum seekers to the communities in which they live,
sharing the love of God in word and deed.

•

764 CBF endorsed chaplains and pastoral counselors
(159 in NC) serve in hospitals, correctional facilities, all
branches of the military, public safety circumstances
(police, fire, and EMTs), business and industry settings,
VA facilities, continuing care communities, and other
settings.

•

Fellowship Southwest, CBF’s newest regional organization,
has organized prayer vigils and other expressions of
welcome for families and children affected by the
immigration crisis on the US-Mexico border.

•

Anna and LaCount Anderson minister to needy persons
in eastern NC as Cecelia Beck ministers to needy persons
in western NC.

Mahatma Ghandi was not a Christian but many Christians
saw in his life a faithful example of following the way of Jesus.
Ghandi said, “The true measure of any society can be found in
how it treats its most vulnerable members.” Perhaps we could
modify that statement to say the true measure of any church is
how it treats the most vulnerable.
I think Jesus would approve. After all, in describing the final
judgment, he said, “Just as you did it to the least of these, you
did it to me.” (Matthew 25:40)
Serving the vulnerable and marginalized. Perhaps we should
add that to our list of characteristics that distinguish us as
Baptist Christians.

by Larry Hovis, CBFNC Executive Coordinator

Since 1634, to commemorate their escape from the bubonic plague, residents
of the small village of Oberammergau, Germany, have performed a Passion Play
commemorating the life, death and resurrection of Jesus every ten years. The play will be
performed again in 2020.
Larry and Kim Hovis will be hosting a trip to Europe, May 18-27, 2020, with the
Oberammergau Passion Play as the centerpiece. Additional stops will include Budapest,
Vienna, Salzburg, and Prague.
If you are interested in traveling with CBFNC friends on this wonderful adventure,
contact Larry Hovis (lhovis@cbfnc.org) for more information.
2 • The Gathering

September/October 2018

uncharted territory
When is the last time you took a road trip? I’m not talking
about a predictable journey from one place to another, both of
which are already familiar to you. I’m talking about an extended
journey into unfamiliar territory.
Most of the traveling I do is of the
former variety, mindlessly moving
from place to place. But sometimes,
I end up somewhere far outside
what I’ve seen and experienced and
those journeys can change me.
Canoeing the Mountains is a book
about the second kind of journey.
It’s not the kind of journey you take
in a car nor is it the kind of journey
you make as a tourist. In this case,
it’s a journey for congregations and
the people who lead them.
The book is written by Tod
Bolsinger. Bolsinger is a former
pastor and current Vice-President at
Fuller Seminary. He writes
well. He tells good stories,
offers practical insight, and
doesn’t ever come across
as preachy.
Bolsinger starts off by
covering some familiar, if
also foundational, territory.
He has chapters on
leadership methodologies,
missional community, and
congregational culture
(based on the work of Pat
Lencioni which is worth
reading all by itself). In
Bolsinger’s case, however, I
found the refresher helpful
because he was obviously
using it to prepare the
readers for new material.
The new ideas in his book
pre-suppose some foundational concepts that you can’t skip past
if you want to be able to lead your congregation into uncharted
territory.
The book, however, is an attempt to describe how churches
should operate “off the map.” Bolsinger uses the story of
Lewis and Clark as an extended metaphor. Their journey
to map a route from St. Louis to the Pacific Ocean was an
example of what Bolsinger calls adaptive leadership. Using their
story, Bolsinger describes some habits of heart and mind that
congregations and their leaders need to operate off the map.
Bolsinger then takes those habits and applies them to some
of the real-world congregational challenges. This is where I
think the book is at its most helpful. Bolsinger tells the story
of his own congregation’s struggle to identify and respond to
the challenge of dis-engagement (the growing phenomenon

by Matt Cook, Pastor, First, Wilmington

of people’s tendency to invest less time and energy into their
church, even as they still perceive themselves as fully invested).
Some books are long on the “what,” offering practical strategy
after practical strategy. Other books are long
on the “why,” offering extended analysis
of all the macro factors that impact our
congregations. Bolsinger, however, does
a good job of building a bridge from his
25,000-foot-level insights all the way down to
the nitty gritty of actual challenges.
Another important benefit of Bolsinger’s
analysis of his own real-world challenges is
that it goes a long way toward creating hope
in all of us who find ourselves with the same
challenges that come with doing church
“off the map.” Bolsinger is obviously smart
and capable, yet he and his church couldn’t
find easy answers to the problems they were
encountering. In congregational ministry in
the 21st century, sometimes you need to have
someone to remind you that
you’re not crazy. Congregational
life is far more complex and
challenging than it was a
generation ago.
At First, Wilmington, we are
not terribly far removed from
a season of great institutional
success and yet we’ve found
ourselves facing the same
questions and problems that
Bolsinger describes. Knowing
that there are smart, faithful
leaders and congregations other
than ours facing these challenges,
and also hearing that the way
forward isn’t greater effort but
a willingness to experiment,
innovate, and be unafraid to fail
is very life-giving. One of my
favorite lines from the book is
this, “The answer is not try harder but to start a new adventure.” That is
both helpful and hopeful.
This book is useful for both ministers and lay leaders. It’s not
short, so if you’re a minister recommending it to a lay leader in
your church then they better enjoy reading or you should give
them a heads up first. On the other hand, there’s nothing in the
book that is so technical or academic that an average adult reader
can’t finish it. I recommend it to you highly!
Tod Bolsinger will be the keynote speaker
for the 2019 CBFNC Annual Gathering as
well as the Leadership Institute, scheduled
for March 28-29, 2019, at First, Greensboro.

September/October 2018

The Gathering • 3

I don’t like to be late, but nearly eight years of running
force Robert into a conversation, I waited until I’d finished my
on “Grace and Main time” may have had some effect on my
meal to pat him on the back as I made my way to the compost
punctuality. So, when I pulled my car into the street parking, I
and trash. “We love you, brother,” I insisted, “and we’re glad
was not only in a hurry but also anxious about it. As was often
you’re here.” A few weeks later, Robert was ready to try again
the case during this season in the life of the neighborhood, I
at sobriety. It didn’t stick that time, either. But, just last month,
was met by several kids at my car door. No longer worried about Robert celebrated two years clean and sober. We rejoiced not for
tardiness, but newly worried about the flow of traffic through
his speed at recovery, but for his willingness to keep trying.
the neighborhood and whether or not the kids were watching it,
It’s not just Robert and my daughter who need hands to hold.
I grabbed my bag and made my way to the stairs while answering Living in community has meant a lot of things to me over the
their myriad questions. “What are we going to have for dinner?”
last several years, but perhaps the most surprising has been how
“Did you bring your frisbee?” “When will the next big meal be?” uncomfortable it can be to be known so deeply and personally
Those questions gave way to the most pressing and important
by so many. There are parts of me that I’d like to hide away from
question, “Where is your
those who love me so dearly,
daughter?” Satisfied by my
but community makes it
answer that she was coming
hard to hide. My tendency
with her mom in a minute,
to take things too personally
the kids went back to playing
and grumble to myself about
while I helped set up for
others, my reflexive desire to
a community meal on the
try to make people like me,
front lawn of the apartment
my desire to control others
complex we affectionately
to ease my own anxiety, my
call “Big Blue.” When my
habit of trying to “figure
daughter arrived, the kids
people out” instead of just
left their game and eagerly
sitting with them, my own
took turns holding her tiny
selfish pride—all of these
hand, walking slowly from
broken parts feel like jagged
one end of the lawn to the
edges primed to hurt those I
other. They showered her
love the most. I’m pretty sure
with praise for her faltering steps,
I could hide these things away if it
rejoicing not in her speed at walking
weren’t for the fact that we’ve given
but in her willingness to try and get
ourselves to each other in the bonds
up after falling. In fact, they were
of community, in shared life, work,
so fascinated with her progress that
and prayers. I’m going to stumble,
they had to be reminded over and
I’m going to hurt others both
by Joshua Hearne
over again to eat. These children
intentionally and unintentionally,
with whom I’ve shared
I’m going to want to quit
numerous meals have found
some days, and I’m going to
a variety of ways to love me,
fail.
but none have been as dear
But, God has surrounded
to me as walking carefully
me with people who will
with my daughter from one
hold my hand as I learn to
end of the lawn to the other.
walk across the lawn. They
Robert was at the meal
are so dedicated in their love
that night, too. It was
for me that they’ll need to be
courageous for him since he
reminded to eat. These good
had relapsed just a few days
people—like Robert—rejoice
before the meal. He had
over my faltering steps. When
hoped nobody would notice
I sit in the grass and refuse
that he was using again but
to get back up because I’m
he was too near and dear for
tired of trying and failing, it’s
us not to notice. You can’t
people like Robert who will
help but notice somebody’s
sit with me in silence until
faltering steps when you’re holding their hand. As my daughter
I’m ready to try again. It probably won’t stick this time, either. But
walked back and forth across the lawn, Robert found a corner
sometimes miracles happen, as Robert testifies in word and action.
of the porch to eat his burger by himself. I knew he didn’t
There are so many ways for us to love God, but I think I
want to talk about his relapse—he’d said as much just moments
know God’s favorite: holding the hands of God’s children and
earlier—so I enjoyed my hot dog and potato chips a few feet
walking carefully with them. Love is so much more resplendent
away in silence. Not knowing what else to say and not wanting to in our faltering steps.

love found in

faltering steps

Jessica (CBF field personnel) and Joshua Hearne (Executive Director of Third Chance Ministries) serve at Grace and Main Fellowship, an intentional ecumenical Christian
community in Danville, VA. Visit www.graceandmain.org for more information about their ministry.
4 • The Gathering

The CBFNC Mission Resource Plan (MRP) was developed in 2004
as a replacement for the Baptist State Convention’s Plan C, which
was being eliminated. It included all of the items in Plan C (CBF
Global, historic NC institutions and ministries, and national CBF
partners) plus CBF of North Carolina. Churches had the freedom
to use the MRP or not (if not, they designated specific amounts to
CBFNC, CBF National, and other partners if desired).
Through the years, about one-half of partner churches have chosen
to utilize the MRP. The other half have continued to give with three
primary designations: CBFNC Budget; CBF Global Budget; CBF
Global Missions Offering.
CBFNC MINISTRY DISCERNMENT PROCESS
In early 2015, the Coordinating Council began leading CBFNC
through a “Ministry Discernment Process” in an effort to develop
priorities as we look to the future. This process involved gathering
information from a variety of sources including church leaders and
experts on the future of churches and denominations. It built upon
the work of the 20th Anniversary Vision Team, whose report was
adopted by the General Assembly in 2014.
As a result of this discernment work, the Coordinating Council
adopted four priorities for future ministry:
•
•
•
•

Equip Ministers and Churches
Embrace Neighbors Through Missions
Engage Students and Young Adults
Enhance the Annual Gathering

BENEFITS TO PARTNERS
a. Partners are different, both from each other, and from what
they were in 2004. Some partners have a greater need than others
for funding through CBFNC channels.
b. Some partners have developed elaborate fundraising
structures. They have departments devoted to fundraising. They
are no longer dependent on all or a majority of their funding
coming from a single denominational source.
BENEFITS TO CBFNC
a. CBFNC only receives funding from churches and
individuals (and occasional small grants), and has a limited
ability to raise funds beyond our traditional funding sources. This
approach will give CBFNC more flexibility in funding the priorities
that have been identified by constituents.
b. The current MRP is difficult to adjust. The unified approach
will allow us to be more nimble and flexible in meeting changing
needs.
BENEFITS TO ALL
This approach will enable CBFNC and partners to more fully
engage in their shared desire for “missional collaboration”
(working together on common missional goals), which we have
been attempting since 2009. By developing funding plans together,
rather than simply reporting on expenditures, CBFNC and its
partners can more effectively reflect emerging priorities.

WHY CHANGE THE MRP NOW?
In addition to the four priorities, the Coordinating Council also
determined to merge the MRP and the CBFNC Ministry Budget.
The MRP served our fellowship (churches, partners, CBFNC-led
ministries) well throughout much of this history, but circumstances
and needs (of churches, CBFNC, partners, and new CBFNC
ministry opportunities) have changed drastically since its inception.
We are moving from a fixed percentage for some partners to
a unified budget based on the unique needs of each partner.
Here are the reasons for making this change, aligned with benefits
for churches, partners and CBFNC as a whole:

PRACTICAL CONSIDERATIONS
Partner Conversations – Conversations with partners about
changing the MRP began as early as 2015. Over the summer of
2018, partners submitted funding proposals requesting specific
funding amounts, sometimes for specific ministries. These
proposals will inform the development of the 2019-2020 CBFNC
Ministries Budget.

BENEFITS TO CHURCHES
a. The current system is confusing to churches. Partners are
funded in different, sometimes multiple ways. Some partners
may receive funding through their MRP allocation, the CBFNC
operating budget, and the CBF Global operating budget. Many
churches don’t understand how their money is currently divided
between CBFNC, CBF Global and partners.

Final Approval – The final budget will be presented for approval
at the 2019 Annual Gathering.

Local Church Communication – Attempts to communicate
these changes with local churches have been going on throughout
2018 in a variety of ways. Special presentations were made at the
2018 Annual Gathering.

Initial Implementation – Implementation will begin with
CBFNC’s new fiscal year, starting April 1, 2019. CBFNC staff will
work with individual churches to “map” their current giving plan to
the new approach. This will ensure that CBFNC honors all church
giving plans and designations.

Whatever happened to ... senior adult ministry?
This is first in a series
which will discuss how
churches are taking
a fresh look at old
programs to meet
today’s needs.
It is dangerous to paint a
generation with a broad
brush, but AARP does
note trends it sees in the
senior generations, such
as gray is in, the phrase
anti-aging beauty product
is out; and immediate
gratification is in, bucket
lists are out.
How does the church
change with the times? I
interviewed four persons
who work with older
adults: Leah Brown,
Minister with Senior
Adults at First, Asheville;
George Fuller, founder
of Life Compass Living;
Andrew Garnett, Minister
for Serving Christ at
Forest Hills, Raleigh; and
Carol Layton, Director
of Communications and
Administration for the
North Carolina Baptist
Aging Ministry.

by Rick Jordan,
CBFNC Church Resources
Coordinator

6 • The Gathering

How has senior adult ministry changed in recent years?
Carol: The old paradigm put seniors on a shelf and said, “Thanks for your service, now enjoy
yourself at a monthly luncheon.” Today’s seniors want to be involved. The church is now
challenged with providing intergenerational ministry opportunities to 4-5 generations.
Andrew: My congregation has definitely seen a shift toward senior adults not wanting to be
considered senior adults. While the average age of my congregation has increased, the number of
people on our homebound member list has decreased. People are increasingly reluctant to think
of themselves as homebound and do not want to be placed on the homebound list like they once
did. Another big change is the increasing reliance on lay people to minister to senior adults. While a
minister has some general oversight, almost all of the logistics and planning is done by lay people.
Leah: Ten years ago, we had a strong group of people in their 80s-90s who were very actively
engaged in programming. Today’s younger seniors, those just retired and into their 70s and even
into their 80s, don’t want to identity as senior adults and don’t expect the church to fulfill social
needs. They find that on their own. Many still volunteer and do mission opportunities and we
still have a very active senior adult group, but numbers have dropped from 180 to 75. Those who
remember how the programming used to be wonder why the new seniors don’t participate.
George: Baby boomers are strapped with emotional and financial burdens they have not been
prepared for. When I was a pastor, I did not understand this. How many pastors understand
Medicaid versus Medicare, the four stages and who pays for them, and the yearly changes to
Affordable Care? These all have a huge impact on our people. The church has always rallied
around persons in a time of grief but we do not have strategies to help as they live longer and
spend all their savings. How can the church be a community for these persons?
How is your ministry addressing these changes?
Andrew: We now keep in touch with homebound senior adults primarily through lay members.
We call our homebound members the “In Crowd.” They are assigned at least one lay member
who will visit or call them and one lay member who will send cards. These two people contact
the In Crowd member regularly, and record all their interactions in our database. That multiplies
our connections with homebound members and, by checking the database, our ministers can
instantly know how much contact from the church each homebound member is receiving.
Carol: NCBAM offers volunteer and mission opportunities for well-aging seniors to minister to
frail-aging seniors. We do that by connecting our Call Center clients with church volunteers in
their communities. The NCBAM Call Center receives hundreds of calls each month from seniors
in need from all over the state. Typical needs include friendly visits, transportation assistance, and
wheelchair ramp construction.
Leah: The younger, pre-senior adults have many financial questions, so we have conversations
about healthcare power of attorney, a living will, and how to managing finances for 30 more
years of life. We are working to make stronger bonds between seniors and younger generations.
We help seniors become mentors. Sunday School classes visit nursing home residents for Bible
study together. We want them to know that they are not forgotten, so they do not feel isolated,
alone, and depressed. We work to overcome whatever keeps them separated from us, such as
transportation. We have learned to base our ministry on what that person wants, not on what we
as the church want for them. We cannot assume we know what is best, so we have a conversation
that starts, “Would it be helpful if we…?” We stay informed about what other agencies offer in
our community. For example, every county has a Council on Aging with great resources.
George: Here are some crazy dreams I have: What if the church prepared younger adults for
their senior adult years? What if churches transformed their missionary homes to become
licensed care homes, say, for three widows – none of whom can keep up their own place? What
if churches created “mutuality groups” of 15-20 persons who were committed to help one
another financially, to offer respite for caregivers, to become surrogate grandparents, to receive
hospice training? What if the church taught us how to be elders – wise leaders who live to
support and to bless others rather than to build bigger barns? What if we used technology to
connect our homebound with a virtual caregiver who could check in with them every day? What
if we used technology to connect the homebound with one another?

September/October 2018

While the largest portion of CBFNC financial support comes from local church budgets
(86%), individual gifts are extremely important to our financial and missional well-being.
Some individual contributors are not members of partner congregations, but most are.
These folks choose to make an “over and above” gift to CBFNC beyond their church
contribution. Here are a few examples of why folks make individual contributions to
CBFNC. If you don’t already do so, we invite you to join their ranks!

why I

give to CBFNC

compiled by Larry Hovis, CBFNC Executive Coordinator

I value CBFNC ministries as a “second layer” beyond the work of
the local church. I appreciate that CBFNC resources assist churches
in addition to mine and provide outreach opportunities near and far. I
give with confidence that dollars are maximized in support of worthy
causes and used faithfully by CBF personnel and partners. I know
that God is multiplying these gifts and resources far beyond what I can
do on my own.
Jason Cogdill, College Park, Winston-Salem

I give through my church as we support CBFNC.
I also give individually because of the amazing
contributions to NC Baptist church life such as
informational gatherings and publications reflecting
work around the state, theological education and
student work, reference and referral, ministry and
multiple other resources for church life. Mostly I
give because I sense the presence of Christ in our
connected fellowship and work.

I’m a Baptist. A few years back I took a serious look
around at other denominations but that just confirmed
what I already knew. I’m a Baptist, and a moderate
Baptist at that. Is CBFNC perfect? No, but I’m
reminded of a quote from one of my favorite philosophers,
Michael J. Fox: “I’m careful not to confuse excellence
with perfection. Excellence, I can reach for; perfection is
God’s business.” CBFNC is reaching for excellence in
the ways we encourage, empower and equip local churches
to share God’s perfect love. I always supported CBFNC
through the giving plan at my church and usually made
a contribution at the end of the year. Then I looked
at other organizations I routinely support. My giving
priorities needed some adjustment! The automatic monthly
contribution I set up through my bank is not going to make
or break CBFNC, but it’s the right thing to do. I’m a
Baptist!
Kathy Driver, Trinity, Raleigh

Gail Coulter, Providence, Hendersonville

I give to CBFNC because I know the impact our gifts have on
North Carolina and the world. Whether it’s providing resources
to local congregations, enabling theologically responsible collegiate
ministry, or supporting missionaries locally and globally, every
dollar I give impacts our community in Christ’s name.

Undergirding the work of CBFNC is one of the ways
I can help fulfill the Great Commission. I appreciate the
faithfulness of the leaders of CBFNC and our staff,
volunteers, and churches as they provide discipleship training
and mission service opportunities for all who are called.
Kathryn Hamrick, Boiling Springs, Boiling Springs

Seth Asbill, Duke Memorial UMC, Durham

September/October 2018

The Gathering • 7

individual contributors

January 1, 2017 - December 31, 2017

Thank you to the many generous individuals who give directly to the mission and ministry of CBFNC. While the
bulk of our financial support comes from church budgets, individual gifts have become increasingly important to
our organization. Your financial partnership is necessary for our ministry and that of our many ministry partners
around our state. We are grateful for everyone who contributes to the mission of CBFNC. Please continue to give
through your church, but also consider joining those listed below by making a contribution directly to CBFNC.

Name

City/State

Rennie & Sandy Adcock.......... Pfafftown

Don & Deborah Cherry..... Elizabeth City

Frances Armour......................Clemmons

Chipley High School Class of 1961
.............................................. Chipley, FL

When you make a move or know of someone who has changed places
of ministry, let us know by e-mailing us at cbfnc@cbfnc.org.
For assistance to search committees and ministers seeking vocational
discernment, visit the Career and Calling page on our website at
www.cbfnc.org or call (336) 759-3456 or (888) 822-1944.

10 • The Gathering

September/October 2018

CBF Global General Assembly, Dallas
CBF Student.Church Orientation
CBFNC ministry coordinators are available to visit your
church to speak, preach, teach, consult, lead, and minister.
Contact the CBFNC office for more information.

catch and release

by Wanda Kidd, CBFNC Collegiate Engagement Coordinator

A young friend of mine has been telling me about her new passion for fly fishing. She lamented that
it is complicated to get the wrist action technique accurate. It takes years of practice to appreciate all of
the idiosyncrasies of the seasoned fly fisherperson. It also takes a willingness to be uncomfortable in the
process. I said why do you do it, thinking that at least she would have a good fish fry for her efforts, but
no, she said they “catch and release.” They just fish for fun.
I thought about that phrase, catch and release, and how it relates to our mission to and with college
students and young adults. It doesn’t look like fun for everyone. The students are not often interested in
things that we think are really important. They want to do things we do not understand, i.e. video games
and texting with people while we are sitting beside them. I am not crazy about their music, but then
they are usually listening to it on their headphones and do not even respond when spoken to.
It feels like all I do with students is catch and release. They come and occasionally swim in our
ponds for a little while and sometimes they allow themselves to be hooked for a moment, wiggling
and uncomfortable most of the time. They do not contribute to the coffers and they seldom express a
desire to want to be part of what we are doing in the church. So why do we bother?
I do not know about you, but I do it because we both need the challenge—both the student and me.
We need to hear what the other has to say and to realize how we came to those understandings. Our
isolation from each other causes misconceptions and assumptions that we state as truths without talking
to each other.
There are strongly held beliefs by young people that I do not understand, but I stay in relationship
with them so I can ask sincere questions and seek answers. If I want them to see another perspective, I
must stay in the conversation and so must other adults.
One of the things that is missing in young adult’s lives is the opportunity to hear other people’s
thoughts in relationship. They listen to a multitude of podcasts. They listen to their peers and they listen
to their nuclear family (often by osmosis), but how often do they have the opportunity to hear lifeenriched perspectives from someone who just wants to talk to them?
The challenge in relating to young adults is not only to be comfortable with the concept of catch and
release but to allow young adults to be released from what they believe they know and caught in a pool of
life where they can hear new thoughts. That is where the church can open their doors and welcome the
young adult who is looking for someone to hear them and respond to them with wisdom and hope—
someone who is not genetically connected to them.
Statistics show that 50-to 70-year-old women are some of the loneliest people in our culture. Their
friends were dictated by the parents of their children’s friends and those they worked with. The definer
of this generation is loneliness, so it seems to me that there is a great opportunity for the church to
reach out to both groups and build a bridge.
The older group has skills they can share and the younger group needs instruction. There is a great
deal of opportunity for life conversations during that type of shared time and space.
When families release their children—and that is an important part of parenting—the church has an
opportunity to catch them, care for them, encourage them, and listen to them.
Why do I still do this? Because I have been downstream and those who have been released are
thriving and caring and teaching others. Whether we are catching and releasing or catching those who
have been released for a season, God is present in all of our stories and is calling us to share, pray, and
love the lonely among us.