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Barry begins his quest to win a varsity letter jacket, and subsequently win over high school hottie Lexy Bloom. Coach Miller recommends he put his unhinged behavior to use on the wrestling team. Barry is in! Now if only Bev would allow it!

Narrator Adam indulges in his great nostalgia for the Star Wars trilogy, recalling the day he blackmailed his sister into taking him to see the very last film in the series!

Barry turns to Murray to sign his permission slip to join the wrestling team, which thrills his dad, who used to be a “grappler” himself. He wants to show Barry some moves, but Barry has already learned the best moves from Wrestlemania. Murray breaks it to him: It’s not that kind of wrestling.

“I’m gonna walk down this line and punch everyone in the face,” Erica says, confronted with the costumed Star Wars hordes waiting for tickets. Prodding by her adorkable little brother soon loosens her up.

Murray wants Barry to lie to Bev, which certainly can’t end well. After an absurd hashing out of the lie details — involving Barry flying imaginary helicopters that are dropping rice on some unfortunate developing nation — Pops chimes in that Barry should tell his mom that he’s won a part in the school play. It still won’t end well. Bev shows up and Barry immediately blurts out that he joined the wrestling team. When she freaks, as expected, Murray steps up with the save: Tell her what you’re really doing. He says “play,” and Bev spews mom love all over him. She’s gonna be right by his side as he takes on the role of Daddy Warbucks in Annie. Oh, no, no, no, says Barry. If she comes to even one rehearsal, he’s going to quit. Fine, but she’s putting on her legwarmers to show him some moves.

Three hours into the ticket wait, Erica bails to hang with her friends when Adam goes to the bathroom. It sounds a lot worse than how events actually transpire, but yeah, she ditched her little brother in a line full of 40-something-year-old, costumed sci-fi dweebs — which, on the scale of creepy, are really only about a 2 out of 10. When Adam returns, however, he finds out that at least one of the super-dorks is also a super-douche who won’t let him back in line. I say: Punch him in the tauntaun teat.

In wrestling, coach breaks it to Barry that this isn’t the WWF — he can’t bash his opponent’s brains in with a metal folding chair. Considerably worse, however, are his Annie rehearsals with Bev. Later, when Bev uncovers the lie while volunteering to be on the production team for the musical that Barry isn’t in, she confronts him. Barry: I’m a grown man, and I can wrestle if I want to!

When Erica returns home and starts chastising Adam for leaving the line, he barks back that she left first. And now she’s ruined Star Wars for him. He then stupidly rips a collectible Vader poster in half. He consoles himself by playing video games until Princess Leia arrives (Erica with Cinnabon earmuffs) with news of special arrangements (a date) she made with the theater manager to sneak them in on opening day.

As Barry steps up for his first wrestling match, his mother steps in front of him. She won’t have him live his life as a head! (Something about some guy who once lost a match and all that was left was head.) Murray has to pull her off of Barry, as she dominates him on the mat. In the locker room, Murray shouts down an argument between mother and son, pointing out that Bev has just made her son a laughingstock in front of the entire school. The only way to fix it, says Murray, is for Barry to go back out there and decimate his opponent.

In the end, Barry proves his wrestling prowess (though Lexy still thinks he’s a dorkasaurus), while Erica earns the eternal gratitude of her baby brother.

Expression Of JoyThe Brady Bunch: Groovy! The Bradys: Ritual hugging Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.” Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you? The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…” The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been) Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!” Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?” The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical ProblemThe Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen. The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed. Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents. Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer. The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical SolutionThe Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens. The Bradys: Bobby gets married. Married…With Children: They hate him. Thirtysomething: If only we knew… The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

Attitude Toward SexThe Brady Bunch: Never heard of it The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it! Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No. Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident. The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses FightThe Brady Bunch: They don’t. The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens Married…With Children: Tooth and nail Thirtysomething: They stop talking The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into TroubleThe Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette. The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair. Married…With Children: By committing felonies Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket. The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.” The Bradys ”Next time, ask.” Married…With Children: By the authorities Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face. The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For FunThe Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon The Bradys: Has flashbacks Married…With Children: Exchanges insults Thirtysomething: Talks The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved MysteriesThe Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die? The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use? Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other? The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst BehaviorThe Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

Best Reason To WatchThe Brady Bunch: This is what life should be. The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now! Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it. Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life. The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To WatchThe Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses. The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now. Married…With Children: She has a point. Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real. The Flintstones: The Simpsons