The Rime of the Gothy Mariner

Thanks to: Photo Doktor www.photodoktor.co.uk/goth.jpgGothiness: 10 Sweatiness: 8 (too much neck on display)At first I thought this might be an ageing Marcel Marceau giving up mime for a Gothlife, but no, this is a Goth debating whether to hire a yacht or not. Not very Goth, you'd think, but he's taking advice from a green and a yellow skull! Look at them reflecting back at him in his glasses, offering up the words of Coleridge: "Day after day, day after day,/ We stuck, nor breath nor motion;/ As idle as a painted goth/ Upon a painted ocean." Now all he needs is an albatross. Or a crow.

Whiteface. AAARRRGGGHHH. I hate this. Why do people do this. You want to look gothic, not like a clown or a mime. Good job making the rest of us look stupid by association. >:( We have a guy at the club who wears this crap and one day I will dunk him in the fountain and scrub it all off of him!!!

If I'm not mistaken, he's moving in mysterious ways around Whitby, every goth's favourite Victorian seaside resort. I went there by mistake for my first anniversary, but in fairness to the place it was actually quite pleasant. Loads of goths too, which is always a bonus....

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Goths, I love 'em! I even used to be one for a bit (well, I was a Didi-Goth for at least 6 months). But there's one thing that troubles me about our cheery friends: what to do they do in summer? All that makeup, long black leather and rubber must get very sticky. I think we should show our respect for these poor unfortunates, struggling to stand out from the vanilla crowd despite blazing temperatures and sunshine that puts the rest of us in shorts and vest tops. Join me in celebrating the majesty of the Goth, who, eschewing any practicality whatever, still has the commitment to don a full length leather trenchcoat, stupid New Rock boots, and half a Superdrug counter of makeup. All hail the Hot Goth!