Welcome to the BlackLOG, this is the story of me, my wife - the long suffering "Mrs B", our cat "McG" and the various friends and acquaintances that we meet through life. It is all based around what happens to us, but is often stretched in an attempt to entertain. I do not deliberately set out to upset people but it occasionally happens (I have a fairly dark sense of humour at times).

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Tuesday, 2 March 2010

Odds and ends i.e scraping the barrel

How to become an instant hero:
1) Turn up at your friends' house (in this case Mala and Craig) to help them move 400 yards up the road (well, technically an alleyway but that's another story);
2) Don't drop any of their pillows in a muddy puddle (Nice one Vinnie, is this some kind of Sicilian moving gift?);

Vinnie the pillow assassin or was he

trying to smother the puddle?

3) Spend a few hours setting up their TV and entertainment system - I was particularly impressed that I managed to work out that the previous occupants had attempted to turn the Sky satellite cable into a standard aerial input. Quick trip back to Craig and Mala's old house, some screwdriver action (or in this case the world's next best thing to a screwdriver - a kitchen knife) and Sky was live and in the house. I would like to point out that the new interesting channels at the far end of the spectrum had nothing to do with me.....;

Craig, Mala why so down, it was only a pillow....... Sit down

and enjoy your freshly installed Sky service. Word of warning

though, don't head off to the far end of the spectrum.......

4) Accidently fix their oven door (honestly guys, it was a fluke) ; and
5) Invite them around for Sunday dinner and get Mrs B to do the cooking.

Yoga
A big thank you to the little (well she was quite large and not in a vertical way) old lady who rushed over to me at the end of the class and asked was I OK. She was worried about the faces I was pulling and the whimpering noises which turned into yelps after a particularly vicious adjustment from my Yoga teacher. I had to assure the little old lady that I was fine and this is what I normally look and sound like.....I'm now attending three classes a week and it is testament to the fantastic inabilities of my body that I'm showing no visible signs of improvement....

Role reversal

While we sat in front of the TV recently, Mrs B and I had this surreal conversation:.

Me - Cracking Nuts Mrs B*
.Mrs B - That's a mighty fine pussy you have yourself **
.* which happened to be a statement of fact and jolly tasty walnuts they were too**To put this into context I had Mischief on my lap

Mischief and walnuts.....separated at birth?

The British Bobsleigh team :-
Well done to our latest heroes. Every time I saw any of their runs they were travelling at speed upside down. Hmmm sounds like we need to put runners on the top of the sleigh as well, then watch us go, we would be unstoppable.......

The Mitch winter Olympic report
I'm afraid our reporter on the spot in Vancouver, Mitch, has succumbed to his roof falling injuries and has been unable to submit the guest Olympic blog. I think he's just angling for a no expenses spared (or in fact spent) trip to Russia in four years' time. I'm pretty sure that I will just need to edit his report (when eventually submitted) and change:
Vancouver to Sochi***
Mitch to Mitchski
Joyce to Joyceski (I'm not stumping up for a Russian internet bride, he can rebrand his Canadian wife)

After all, reporting on one British Olympic bobsleigh sliding most of the way upside-down is pretty much the same in Vancouver or Sochi.

*** No I hadn't heard of it either, just think of it as more accidental education brought to you through the BlackLOG

On a serious note I hope you feel better soon Mitchski.....

As you can probably tell it's been a bit of a quiet week in the BlackLOG household...

Mala said Wow, this post has a little somethin'-somethin' for everyone; heroes, pirated porn, nuts and pussies. You ARE a hero! Well done.

Mala for the first time since the BlackLOG was published I found it a creative challenge , I think for the second week running I thought Mitch would be taking the load so I was switched off. Either that or I have burnt out....

You distilled it perfectly though - like a brilliant trailer for a bad film you managed to make this weeks BlackLOG more exciting than it really is, extracting all the good bits. I might have to employ you to bring in more readers....

WAIT! Is that the Mala <--- (love her name)with the hot husband, Craig featured on your blog a few blogs ago? OHHHHH, - just wondering!Wonder no more, it is the same Mala but interestingly enough not the Mala who left the comment preceding this one. What can I say, Mala's must be like buses, you wait for one and then two appear at once....

The valuable info I got from this post:

pussy + nuts = cracked nuts - it may or may not be a win situation for the nuts.

I do pride the BlackLOG on being educational from time to time, even if non intentionally.

Just as well it was Mischief rather than McG otherwise it would have been a very different story

Pussy + nuts = No nuts, in every sense, i.e

McG is a neutered TomMcG will eat anything that he can get his paws on

POOR Mitch! He fell of the ROOF??!! Those dang Canucks... never know what they'll do for attention. ;o)

That picture of mischief made me snorf coffee up my nose. Thankyouverymuch. hehe. He looks downright pissed at you. Did you tape him to the couch before you got this one or what? lol

And um... Yoga is HARD!!! That granny knows it too. hehehe. I have tried it a few times, sadly my wrists are too busted up to support my weight so most poses are not possible for me. That, and the ones I was able to do made me cry. Not so much on the enjoyment scale. But I wish YOU well at it. ;o)

Have a wonderful Tuesday! ps - did you check out my draw/giveaway post? No pressure if you're not interested but there's FREE STUFF for followers. ;o)

Krista said POOR Mitch! He fell of the ROOF??!! Those dang Canucks... never know what they'll do for attention. ;o) I think it was Mitch's attempt to "Own the concrete". Sounds like he made it his own, although I understand that the concrete has put in a counter claim to "Own the Mitch"

That picture of mischief made me snorf coffee up my nose. Thankyouverymuch. hehe. He looks downright pissed at you. Did you tape him to the couch before you got this one or what? lol Sorry about your inadvertent nostril irrigation manouver. I did it with coke (the drink not the powder) once, most unpleasant...

I think she might be pissed because people keep calling her, he. I believe It is look 12 in her repertoire of looks

And um... Yoga is HARD!!! That granny knows it too. hehehe. I have tried it a few times, sadly my wrists are too busted up to support my weight so most poses are not possible for me My Yoga torturer would tell you that you should use Yoga to build up your wrists. That, and the ones I was able to do made me cry. Not so much on the enjoyment scale. But I wish YOU well at it. ;o) Blimey, if I had cried the little old lady would probably have come across with a used snot rag and a semi sucked hard boiled sweet to comfort me with.....Yuck

Have a wonderful Tuesday! ps - did you check out my draw/giveaway post? No pressure if you're not interested but there's FREE STUFF for followers. ;o) It's the same old problem I can't see the pictures on your post when I'm at work. Will check it out from home. I must admit I can't keep up with peoples daily blogs and so generally go in a couple of times a week. Evidently being a weekly blogger means I'm a bit of a wimp....

Smileyfreak said... Wow yoga :) Very cool :) Not hot yoga, that's well hot....* The results aren't instant but when they do start to happen you'll really notice and also be delighted you put in all the hard work!After two years and no real results I'm just wondering how long-term, long-term is?

* Please note I haven't actually attempted Hot Yoga, unless you count the time the heating got stuck in the hall where I practice. It was just a good riposte** to the "cool" remark

** Well at least I thought it was anyway.....

Loving the blog music ^^)Excellent, I try and match the opening track music to the blog but ran out of time this week. This week it should have been "Moving" by Supergrass but I ran out of time. Might try and correct it this evening....

More neighbours like you required, particularly out here in the countryside. We just seem to fall out with ours. Hugh again obviously! letting the dogs crap in front of neighbours' house, and when she leans out of the window to shout, hey, I hope you are picking that up - he says he doesn't have a bag this time!

WIMP!!! lol - just kidding. ;o) You can do yoga and I can't... and you carry a MUCH bigger... camera than I do. ;o) I'm trying to get the Beast to take up Yoga as he's actually less flexible than me....

skipperthewonderhorse said More neighbours like you required, particularly out here in the countryside.We just seem to fall out with ours.You seem to be forgetting Shed Wars and the fact that we don't actually speak with neighbours on one side. In our opinion their fault after our malicious attempt to greet them when they first moved in.... Hugh again obviously! letting the dogs crap in front of neighbours' house, and when she leans out of the window to shout, hey, I hope you are picking that up - he says he doesn't have a bag this time! Knowing Hugh I'm just surprised that he didn't join the dogs in having a dump on the woman's door step. Has he gone all soft on us in his old age?

I am a little frightened to say that I actually *got* the nut/pussy reference before you 'splained it, Lucy. I guess that last Dinotini did the trick.The 'splaination was more for those people who either don't drink enough or who don't live in my little world.

Yes, I do believe "puddle smothering" is going to be part of the next Olympics. Tell Vinnie to start practicing his moves...No chance, he's Italian and so will receive no encouragement from me.....Those medals belong to the UK I tell you, queue manic slightly hysterical laughter Ha ha ha ha ha to fade.....

Imo said... It's actually quite a relief to find out that you do have weeks when nothing happens - it makes you seem more normal!Well obviously I can't talk about my covert spying ops work or my secret BlackLOG book deal (so secret they can't even tell me about it....>

I also got the nuts/pussy conversation before the 'splaination' - feels clever.I fear the 'splaination was probably more for me in case I forget in the future