Country Girl, Rant It for Me

This rant is dedicated to all those who are shoe-closet challenged, such as me.

It’s true, friends. My name is Em and I have less than ten pairs of shoes.

Now to some of you, ten is enough. But this includes all seasonal and special occasion. We’re talking high-heel stripper shoes to boots you could wear to scale the polar ice caps. Yeah, I have 3 pairs of cowboy boots and some wedge sandals. I also have a disgusting and ratty pair of sneakers used to walk the railroad tracks with my kids. But my true depravity revealed itself the other day when I began thinking about our upcoming trip to Disneyworld and how damn much walking is involved.

I’m told the cowgirl boots won’t cut it. And I know the stripper heels won’t because Mickey shouldn’t be seen with a hard-on LMAO. So that meant I was going shoe shopping.

I live in a very rural area. Yes, there’s a mall, but the selection is BAD. After a trip down the single aisle at Shoe Show and a revolution through the clearance at JCPenney’s, I was depressed. Not eat-myself-out-of-a-chocolate-waterfall depressed, but Hershey-bar depressed. Because dammit, country girls need shoes too! If I want a better selection, though, I’m driving for two hours, and that means two hours back. Plus gas and food, and too many hours spent with 4 miserable kids. It means being out of my office and losing income.

Does the Chamber of Commerce know of this atrocity? Do entrepreneurs see the opportunity lurking in small-town America? We need more shoe stores, people! With selections. If you build it, we will come.

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