More Passion, Please

Hormones may be primarily responsible for your sex drive, but nurturing your passion for your partner will work wonders for keeping desire burning strong. If your sex life has cooled of late, try these tips to help rekindle the flame.

Plan your encounters. Time has a habit of slipping away, becoming filled with activities (even just watching television) you didn’t plan. Schedule your amorous adventures so they don’t get away from you. Call them dates, if you like. Planning to make love creates anticipation and piques interest. You don’t have to go anywhere or do anything special. Set aside an evening, or a morning or an afternoon if your days are free, just for each other.

Change your routine. If you and your partner have been together a long time, chances are you have a fairly established pattern when it comes to making love. The next time you find yourself starting your regular ritual, stop and make a change. It doesn’t have to be anything major. Shower together instead of separately, light scented candles, or massage each other with heated body oil. Play music that you heard on your first date. Wear something surprising to bed (or nothing at all). Even these very small changes can give your love life a new sense of excitement. Or consider a change of venue. For instance, check into a hotel for a romantic getaway.

Slow down and enjoy it more. Even though it’s natural for your body to slow down, your brain may still be telling you to move things along at a faster pace. Relax and enjoy the journey. Explore new ways to stimulate your partner outside of intercourse. Take pleasure in both giving and receiving, and let things unfold at their natural pace.

Try different positions. Sometimes health issues or physical changes make your formerly favorite lovemaking positions uncomfortable or even impossible. If arthritis is a problem, try side-to-side positions, which relieve any need to support yourself or accommodate your partner’s weight. Seated positions let you vary the depth of penetration while giving you additional support (especially if you place your back against a wall or the back of a chair). If a man has trouble maintaining an erection, he may want to try lying on top of his partner with his legs outside hers so that she can further stimulate his penis by squeezing her thighs together.

Continue your lovemaking over several sessions. It’s great when you have the whole afternoon to indulge in sex, or an evening when you are not tired. But this isn’t always the case. Rather than rushing through a “quickie,” try breaking off your lovemaking and returning later to pick up where you left off. A man may find that he’s enjoyed a lovemaking session giving pleasure to his partner even if he hasn’t experienced orgasm himself.

Savor the experience. After lovemaking, delight in the comforts of lying beside each other. Use the time to talk, or simply drift off to sleep together.