Dd has finally seen SALT. She had four sessions where she did well in all aspects of CELF and interspersed with conversation. It was 1:1 with me and/or dh present. At the end of today SALT basically said there is no issue, but is meeting with dh and I next week to answer any questions.

DD was referred by school. We are uncertain as to whether dd is ASD or not - some of the way she is could be due to growing up with an abusive older brother (ds1 has ASD, verbally and physically aggressive, and was at home until last year). It has taken 15 months to see the SALT. However, I could have said a the start that nothing in the CELF tests would cause any problem to dd who has very good language skills and reads extensively. The only thing I noticed was dd didn't pick up on cues to speak that weren't direct questions, but SALT didn't seem to think that was a problem. Ds1 is also very good with language and very articulate.

Things that concern us (and that the SALT won't have seen any evidence of), and we can't discern whether they are normal and we are being oversensitive, or they are due to the family situation with ds1, or due to ASD:

Dd often stands between two people who are talking breaking their eye contact, and talks to people who are in the middle of speaking.

She ignores what her friends say and starts a different conversation of her own interest.

She doesn't join in with friends' games unless it suits her own interests.

Outright bluntness when addressing people (particularly in relation to faults, perceived lateness etc)

She needs physical space, moving away from friends e.g. if they sit on her side of the table.

She doesn't like anyone in her place at the table (e.g. if there are visitors).

Dd attaches herself to some older figures e.g. at church or sports club, staying physically very close, and not leaving their side at any point until very clear direction to do something else.

She needs to be first / best (hence the need to perform well for SALT) and she loves 1:1.

She takes instructions very litterally, and although I should know better with ds1 also ASD, sometimes I think I have told her to do something, and find she hasn't and she gets completely stressed

a) because she hasn't done what she was supposed to do

because I hadn't actually given her an explicit instruction (she can often say back the exact words I used - and mostly she is right!)

She gets very stressed if she isn't on time (particularly leaving for school, where she has to arrive first - so leaves the house at 8.35, so she can arrive at 8.45 (the earliest they are allowed to be in the playground) - anything later than this causes immense stress and she perceives she's late. However, she also struggles to be ready for a certain time for non school occasions, and we have a visual reminder of the morning routine at home. She often goes to get ready and I find her sitting in her pyjamas 10 minutes later.

We struggle with night time procrastination then not settling (often sleeping on our floor) and she is often the last person in the house to go to sleep between 10.30 and 11pm.

We are in a small village so she hasn't had to make friends, they have mostly grown up together and there is an element of tolerance and acceptance (have heard them say "that's just dd", and I know the is the case for other kids too). Her closest friend knows not to stress her out (i.e. where to sit, when to ignore her, and that dd might not choose to play the same game). I know a lot of these things happen anyway in the process of growing up and learning social norms, but I would appreciate any thoughts.

PS the emoji is supposed to be ( but the system is refusing to let me edit!

We had similar difficulties with SALT for both boys. Both of mine got a DX after having been told by our county team that they did not meet the criteria for a DX. For Ds1 the local team noted he made eye contact while the dx sates that he does not make appropriate eye contact. I wonder if your experience with your son has meant that you have helped your DD which makes her traits less obvious to those less experienced with ASD

Trust your instinct and ask for a second opinion from a specialist team if you cannot get education or behaviour sorted.

Have you done the children's communication checklist (CCC-2)? This is a questionnaire for both you and the school, which the SaLT then scores. It picked up DS problems where the CELF didn't. DS also passed a 1 to 1 test when younger - his difficulties showed most in groups. Can you ask her to observe DD in school?

Thanks for all this. I will ask about CCC-2 as now I've read about it, this may be more relevant. It is a Paed / SALT combination that assesses for ASD in our area. We have seen the paed, and this is the end of SALT input.

Just a quick update. The meeting was actually far more helpful than I could have thought. SALT, Dh and I talked for over an hour, and whilst dd's language skills in themselves are fine, other aspects of her interactions are not so clear cut, so the paed will review in a few months.

No man's land... We saw the paediatrician. But it seems no-one is certain what to do (dx, CAMHS support (which probably wouldn't materialise) or just wait and see). The thing is she is happy at the moment, which counts for a lot.

I feel for you, we have been in a similar position. A DX isn't so important when the child is happy and you know what you are doing and school is on board, however if something goes wrong in education it will be needed.

She sound very like my youngest when he was 12; He's at uni now 150 miles from home and enjoying his course and social life . The intervening years were challenging, but the right school and college course made a world of difference. Keep listening to her and be prepared to fight for what she needs when necessary.