When I saw this quote I leaned back and thought about how true it was with regard to business — business owners & leaders & founders … and their customers. Of course I then thought about people in general <because people are customers>.

But let me begin with business. And hope. And bending.

It is sometimes difficult to believe how many ways hope can come to life in business. I find it difficult because, in my mind, it would seem like hope is just … well … hope. And … well … hope is a good thing <one would think>.

But I have seen entrepreneurs blinded by Hope <losing sight of reason>.

I have seen Hope suffocate pragmatism.

I have seen Hope en-trance to such an extent that rational business people say, and do, irrational things.

And then on the other side I have seen some of the best and brightest big business people let cynicism and skepticism make them lose sight of hope.

I have seen some businesses get so mired in day to day detail … and some of the mind numbing thousand cuts that detail can ruthlessly wield to a business … that they cannot even see hope <even if it rises on their horizon like a sun on a cloudless morning>.

Life makes hope in business difficult <at times>.

Because in business Life doesn’t really bend you as much as it bludgeons you. And as you get bludgeoned you have one of two choices:

lean in to Hope and go <progress>, or

lean back against Hope and say ‘go ahead … but I will move no further back <support & reinvigorate>’

I have always said that we in management and those with an opportunity to lead are first and foremost NOT in the profit & revenue business … we are in the Hope business.

To be clear. This doesn’t mean Hope at the expense of everything else. It is more like a guiding light.

A beacon.

A lighthouse.

A star.

Which leads me to a business’s customers. What customers really want isn’t some functional rational widget.

Sure. They want shit that works, but, they kind of expect to receive shit that works. The truth is they really want to bend themselves <and their wallets> toward hope. That may sound esoteric and soe people will want to attach specific ’emotional benefits’ and they may be right. Or. It may just be as simple as Hope <be better, something better, do better>.

Now. As I type that, I will admit, I have seen some businesses that do such a fantastic job internally, culturally, with regard to building Hope into their own vision and their organization. Uhm. And then they treat their customers as ‘low price commodity shopper aficionados.’

How can that be? Why do they think that way? Hope will always be better, and more valuable, than any rational commodity-like widget benefit you are offering.

By the way this is not some hypothetical philosophical bullshit. People say they want lowest price but time and time again they show they are willing to pay more. We, in business, may suggest it is ‘brand’ or ‘emotional’ or even some irrational behavior that we cannot explain, but, in the end people are paying for Hope.

Hope for something a little better that will make them feel a little better.

Which ultimately leads me to people.

I actually think I don’t have to write or say much more.

You get it. Life tries to break us where it counts — in our hearts. And most times Life doesn’t really succeed. Despite its best efforts, at its worst, it typically just bends us.

And even at its worst what Life really does is to bend us toward hope.

Maybe it even pushes us to Hope. In fact. Maybe that’s the reason why Life does try and break us on occasion. To remind us of the power of hope.

Regardless. Life forces us to look at Hope … hold it … maybe hug it, but, at minimum … look at it in the eye and say “who are you?” Hope will almost always respond <as it bends close to you> … “I am something better.”

“The moment you decide an event is impossible and therefore stop directing your attention to it is the moment when it will take place.”

–

General Petro Grigorenko

============================

Well. This is about a couple things.

First is ‘the inevitability of the impossible.’ <that may be the quote of the day>

Second is convictions. General Grigorenko is also the one who said “Convictions are not like gloves.”

Ok.

The inevitability of the impossible.

I have noted that military leaders have a habit of saying very smart things in very simple ways. Especially when it comes to how often the unbelievable becomes the believable, the impossible becomes possible and how well thought out planning becomes a ‘non-plan.’ And, please note, this isnt about dreams or hopes or some intangible future planning … this is about real tangible Life. Stuff that actually happens.

Regardless. His quote is a version of the Black Swan theory. Just a reminder. The Black Swan theory basically suggests that our past experience doesn’t mean shit with regard to the future. For example we believed only white swans were possible <and we then therefore planned a future based on such> and stopped paying attention to swans and, DOH!, lo and behold someone discovered a black swan.

Go figure. The impossible became possible. The unbelievable became believable.

Look. I imagine it is helpful for us to remind ourselves on occasion that just when we are absolutely positively 100% sure that something is impossible … it occurs.

Not always. But just often enough that we shouldn’t be too surprised that the moment we stop directing our attention to it, it happens.

This is a simple thought and one I just like to remind people about. You cannot plan for everything just as you cannot be sure of anything. But that, my friends, is what we call Life.

Anyway. That may sound fairly unsettling because that means … well … you cannot be sure of anything.

Well.

Because I am who I am … I would like to take a minute of your time and tell you who Grigorenko was and why I wanted to use his quote and make a point on the inevitability of unexpected things happening <and something we CAN be sure of>. This leads me to the second thought … convictions.

Convictions.

A native of Ukraine, Grigorenko had been arrested and sent to a mental hospital in 1964 for criticizing the Soviet government for deviating from the Leninist principles and for his unyielding stand against the party bureaucracy and oppressive policies. Grigorenko told a group of Crimean Tatars in a speech that they need to take a more aggressive stand, it is their legal right to demand to repatriate, and the crimes committed by the Soviet government against their people amount to ‘genocide’ under international laws <note: that did not go over particularly well with the Soviet leadership>. In 1969, he was arrested the second time in Tashkent, where he was to attend the trials of Crimean Tatar activists, and spent another five years in psychiatric confinement.

But here is the important part:

In the mental hospital Chernyakhovsk Grigorenko underwent another diagnostic examination on January 17th 1971:

“Convictions are not like gloves; one cannot easily change them.” … the general answered.

“The treatment will continue” … the doctor announced.

Well. “Convictions are not like gloves.”

There is a keeper of a thought. I wish more of us in the business world would keep this in mind.

Aw, hell, I wish all of us would keep this in mind.

In a world where the impossible becomes possible almost on a daily basis. In a world where it seems as soon as you relax and believe that something will not happen … and it happens. It is nice to be able to hold on to something. Something that cannot be changed like a pair of gloves.

Convictions. Nice things to wear day in and day out. They stay clean forever so you don’t need to take the off an wash them.

I am done. That was my thought for the day.

But. To close. I thought I would share Grigorenko’s speech that got him in trouble.

================

Speech of Petro Grigorenko to Crimean Tatars, 1968:

Why have your people been so discriminated against? Section 123 of the Soviet Constitution reads: ’Any direct or indirect limitation on rights… of citizens because of their racial or national membership… is punishable by law.’

Thus the law is on your side. [Stormy applause]

But still your rights are being flouted. Why?

We believe that the main reason behind this is the fact that you underestimate your enemy. You think that you are dealing with honest people. But this is not so! What has been done to your people was not done by Stalin alone. And his accomplices are not only alive—but they occupy responsible positions. You are appealing to the leadership of the party and the state with conciliatory written requests. But that which belongs to you by right should not be asked for but demanded. [Stormy applause and cries of agreement]

So begin to demand. And demand not just parts, pieces, but all that was taken from you unlawfully—demand the reestablishment of the Crimean Autonomous Soviet Socialist Republic! [Stormy applause and cries of “Hail the Crimean Autonomous Soviet Socialist Republic”]

Don’t limit your actions to the writing of petitions. Fortify them with all of those means which the Constitution provides you—the freedom of speech and of the press, of meetings, assemblies, of street marches and demonstrations.

A newspaper is published for you in Moscow. But the people behind that newspaper do not support your movement. Take the newspaper away from them. Elect your own editorial board. And if people hinder you in doing this, boycott that newspaper and create another one—your own! A movement cannot develop normally without its own press.

And in your struggle do not shut yourselves in a narrow nationalist shell. Establish contacts with all the progressive people of other nationalities of the Soviet Union. Do not consider your cause to be solely an internal Soviet matter. Appeal for help to the world progressive public and to international organizations. What was done to you in 1944 has a name. It was genocide.

“It’s messing people up, this social pressure to “find your passion” and “know what it is you want to do”. It’s perfectly fine to just live your moments fully, and marvel as many small and large passions, many small and large purposes enter and leave your life. For many people there is no realization, no bliss to follow, no discovery of your life’s purpose. This isn’t sad, it’s just the way things are.

Stop trying to find the forest and just enjoy the trees. “

=

Sally Coulter

———

“Passion has little to do with euphoria and everything to do with patience. It is not about feeling good. It is about endurance. Like patience, passion comes from the same Latin root: pati. It does not mean to flow with exuberance. It means to suffer.”

=

Mark Z. Danielewski

—

I originally wrote this piece, Don’t Find Your Passion, in September 2014 and it is possibly my most unpopular piece I have written to date. Yesterday I felt slightly vindicated when Psychology Today just published a piece called “Why ‘Follow Your Passion’ is Terrible Advice.”

I have always struggled with the ‘find your passion’ advice. Ok. In fact. I believe most ‘find your passion’ advice is bullshit. I say its bullshit mostly because passion and excellence are not inextricably intertwined. In fact. Passion and purpose are not inextricably linked. In other words, I may be passionate about something, but may actually suck at doing that ‘something’.

I may be passionate about something, but it doesn’t feed some grand purpose <in the world or even to myself>.

Ok. The sucking thing I mentioned. Think about it this way – maybe I don’t suck at it, but maybe it is just not what I am best at doing.

Let me be clear. I am very happy for those who have a passion for something specific. And I would like to think everyone should be passionate about something. My point is that, unfortunately, the ‘something’ just may not be the thing you build your career and life around because you just may not be good at it enough to master it enough beyond maybe simple competence (but you can still enjoy it).

What makes me think I am qualified to say this whole follow your passion is bullshit? I am not sure I personally have a singular passion … except for thinking. And, boy, let me tell you, that is not a skill you can be paid for in the business world.

Does that mean I have to settle? Of course not.

Getting paid for thinking is a bonus.

But I assume I get paid <when I do get paid> for something I must be good at <or someone wouldn’t pay me>. In other words, I have to actually do something, not just think.

Does this mean I am grumpy or unsatisfied because I am not ‘following my passion’? Nope.

Practically speaking, I understand that what I am passionate about:

<a> there are more brilliant thinkers than I out there in the world, and

<b> thinking without doing has significantly less value than thinking & doing. And by value I mean value to others and, frankly, value to self. The doing shows value. It shows the thinking wasn’t simply some pie in the sky rhetoric which ends up in some ‘nice but impractical’ idea folder gathering dust in some vacant office.

Next. I think the whole ‘find your passion’ or ‘find your purpose’ is overly simple in its guidance because following your passion is tricky.

No.

Let me take that back.

It is actually dangerous. If you are not careful, it can empty you.

——-

“They told me to pour my heart into everything I do. So that’s what I did, I poured and poured and poured.

Now they ask me why I’m so empty.”

(via florential)

———

This is why I am always hesitant to flippantly suggest ‘do what you are passionate about’ or ‘find something you love.’ I tend to suggest ‘find something you are incredibly good at … and see if you love it.’ In fact if you do that not only do you find out what you are really good at, but you also start jettisoning things you don’t like <or are passionate about>.

Next. I sometimes hear people suggest they are passionate about ‘results’ <sales, money, some outcome>. Well. Sorry. That is bullshit <to define passion that way>.

Ok. Maybe it is just lazy living. Lazy in that you take the easy way out when discussing passion or purpose by suggesting a result as validation for value in life and life pursuits.Lazy in that you are using results because you just don’t want to admit you may not exactly like what you are doing.

Sorry.

Some things just cannot be measured. Like … well … passion.

Ok. That said. I am going to let the ‘I am passionate about results’ people off the hook today because the real issue is that society shouldn’t be forcing people to even have to HAVE some grand passion or purpose.

Let’s be clear. Neither passion nor purpose needs to be grandiose.

They can be little – the trees and not the forest type of Life direction.

Because, frankly, life is mostly avoiding run face first into trees or sitting and enjoying a moment under a tree and not seeking some way to fly above and see a forest.

So what would I suggest instead of finding your passion or purpose as a guiding principle?

Seek to maximize the moments the best you can. Seek to find “good” and … well … be happy with good <and this includes just being good at what you do>.

As the initial quote suggests … larger passions and purposes will inevitably glide through different moments. Don’t worry that you do not ‘own’ the larger purpose … just enjoy the little glimpses of passion and purpose … and maybe even the variety.

——

“All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.”

J.R.R Tolkien

—–

What this all really means is that maybe the only decision you truly need to make has nothing to do with some grand passion or huge purpose … but rather simply deciding what to do with the time … the moment. If you do that well … I imagine you will plant a shitload of prosperous trees. And, in the end, will have built a forest for yourself you can be proud of.

Some of you may now be saying “well, shit” now. Don’t. All advice is just that, advice. Ultimately you choose what is best for you. You shouldn’t be using my advice, or anyone’s for that matter, to choose your path for you. Decide what is best for you and, well, go prosper in Life. But. I will suggest I am fairly sure you will be happier if you are doing something you are good at, so maybe start there.

Well. Today is the anniversary of Tupac’s death. I will let you read the poem before I say some things:

=============

“I exist in the depths of solitude

pondering my true goal.

Trying 2 find peace of mind

and still preserve my soul.

CONSTANTLY yearning 2 be accepted

and from all receive respect.

Never compromising but sometimes risky

and that is my only regret.

A young heart with an old soul

how can there be peace.

How can I be in the depths of solitude

when there R 2 inside of me.

This Duo within me causes

the perfect opportunity

2 learn and live twice as fast

as those who accept simplicity.”

–

poem by Tupac Shakur

======================

Ok. Every once in awhile you read something written by a famous, controversial, individual and you get reminded that most of us are alike in how we think about some of the really important shit – Life and how we attempt to navigate it.

Tupac’s poem was one of those things for me.

First of all, stylistically, not a single line or word is wasted. Each line, each word, is thoughtful and thought provoking.

Second it’s Tupac. Why does that matter? Tupac wasn’t just controversial — he was a lightning rod for issues. Some controversy created by his own fault and some created by a less-than-understanding, and unforgiving, public. Sometimes that controversy made many of us <me included> tune him out on occasion. I imagine I was not in a minority as a group of people who just began thinking there was nothing truly meaningful to hear from this individual. 2 quick thoughts about that:

I was wrong.

What a shame (I missed out on a lot).

Regardless. I am catching up on lost Tupac time. Let me say the man could put words together in ways many people can only dream of. He was a contradiction <as many of us are> and he had the ability to capture that contradiction in what he said and sang and did.

All that said, let me get back to the poem.

In the depths of solitude. Within each of our own ‘depths of solitude’ I imagine we all wrestle with some of the same things Tupac did in addition to some of our own stuff. I imagine if we invested the energy to think about it enough we would see that we wrestle so much because of , well, the natural contradictions which reside in almost everyone of us.

Peace of mind and preserve my soul.

Never compromise but sometimes risky.

Young heart and old soul <how can there be peace?>

And what an amazing thought he finishes with … for all of us to ponder.

“Learn faster than those who accept simplicity.

Awesome. So rather than have the contradictions split him or slow him down Tupac accepts the contradictions as permission to see the hope, in his own soul searching <depths of solitude>, to think he can live life, and learn, twice as fast. All the while still recognizing that life is not really that simple … yet some accept the simplest path possible.

In my eyes accepting simplicity does not equate to really living life to its fullest … but that’s me. And I certainly don’t have the level of joie de vivre that Tupac had. A joie de vivre which was actually almost a rebellion against simplicity or at least over simplification.

I envision there is some place in between all of these contradictions which represents a relatively happy medium.

All my own words & thoughts aside. This is a thoughtful smart insightful poem from a man who should have lived longer to share what he had to share.

I will say because he didn’t live longer we should pay attention to what he did share while he was alive.

“The splendor of the rose and the whiteness of the lily do not rob the little violet of it’s scent nor the daisy of its simple charm.

If every tiny flower wanted to be a rose, spring would lose its loveliness.”

―

Thérèse de Lisieux

================

Ok.

I cannot think of one person I know who doesn’t think their day is full, their life is seemingly constantly stretched or feels like they do not have enough time to either <1> do what they want to do, or <2> do what they need to do.

I cannot think of one person I know who doesn’t think, at least on occasion, about whether that “full” really equals ‘full’ or if it actually doesn’t feel a little less than full and maybe even a little empty.

This empty or full discussion is one I tend to believe we have over and over and over again in our own minds. And, yes, 99% of the time it is in our own heads. Why? Well. Because discussing it with someone else is fraught with peril.

Most of us have clearly faced up to the fact that no one will have any compassion for your full life nor your emptiness. This is slightly weird because we all talk about being empathetic <I mean who the hell wants to say they have no compassion or empathy?> and, yet, most everyone is fairly sure their own ‘full/empty’ version is ‘fuller & emptier’ than anyone who would be bitching about theirs. That said, this empty/full discussion is all ours — alone.

Why? The harsh truth is that, in general, compassion and empathy on this topic is fairy difficult in practice.

Especially when it comes into conflict with people’s feelings about hard work, work in general <because ‘hard work’ is in the eyes of the beholder>, doing <what constitutes real ‘doing’ varies by person>, earning things and what someone does or doesn’t deserve. That is a long list of shit to have people in potential conflict over.

This actually means, whether we like it or not, this discussion is actually one about character & self.

Ok.

Maybe this is more a discussion of “the individual” and deciding who and what you want to be as a person <beyond simply ‘doing’>.

Ok.

Maybe it is more a discussion of “if every flower wanted to be a rose spring would lose its loveliness.”

Ok.

This discussion is difficult <I imagine if it was not then we would never feel full and yet empty at the same time>. Measuring the individual against “the whole” is almost like breathing. We do it without even thinking. This doesn’t mean we ignore all the ‘individual’ stuff like personal skills of perseverance, curiosity, optimism and self-control, but more likely than not somewhere along the way we make a not-entirely-conscious decision to prioritize areas of life, both in personal and business, in relation to other people. This decision, many times, is less about us but rather driven by:

<a> the daily shit which fills up our days and

<b> what society norms suggests ‘full’ looks like.

As we do this we recognize <albeit painfully> that there is no ‘secret to success and work/life balance. The truth is that everyone just prioritizes how they see fit. Unfortunately, that is when we almost inevitably circle back to society <what a rose looks like> rather than simply just assess and do on our own.

Look.

Full but empty is a personal battle. I will not call this living in the inevitable rat race because I tend to lean toward the thought that everyone has an individual power to make a decision for the individual <and selectively ignoring societal norms and ‘cues’ just is not that difficult>. And, yet, I recognize that we are constantly ‘trained’ to push for the sake of pushing <under the guise of attaining higher and higher outcomes>. The problem with this ‘training’ is that it encourages us to “fill our lives” with what constitutes a fairly narrow view of success <which also quickly ‘fills’ your Life>.

I personally don’t think most people need to be trained to push themselves. I think most of us are hard-wired this way. In fact … I could argue that pushing yourself is not the problem. I could argue the ‘empty’ is mostly driven by a sense of failure which starts lightly coating <and ultimately suffocating> everything you do … regardless of how objectively successful you are.

=

“Somebody once said we never know what is enough until we know what’s more than enough.”

Billie Holiday

=

Society demands a lot of things of us. It sets up some fairly absurd rules and a shitload of damn stupid measurements. Society is society and I am not smart enough to be able to offer to everyone how to not be full but empty. But I can suggest a couple of things that could help.

Be consistent.

My gut tells me that at the core of being full but empty is that we chase shit. And by ‘chase shit’ I mean that with the intent to ‘fill up’ we start ‘checking off.’ That’s not really purpose driven nor living a life with a purpose … because it is simply chasing a moving list of things. Maybe I could just suggest avoiding being ‘two/three/four/five faced’ as you attack filling up your Life and just focus on one good face. And maybe try and keep that face facing forward as often as you can.

Freedom not control.

This is hard. Really hard. We want to control everything in our lives … including people and their actions. But in trying to control we actually tend to limit the freedom we should give Life to expand to its best … for us and those around us. Healthy productive people don’t like to be constrained by someone else. Why shouldn’t this pertain to ourselves and how we try and fill, or empty, our lives? <answer: it should pertain … and it is not different>.

So. Just to finish up for today. For some reason our ‘hallowed ground’ of happiness more often than not ends up in a dead end pursuit. And then we are stopped … and look at ‘full but empty’ footsteps behind us. Unfortunately, whether we like it or not, life takes some real thinking with an open mind to not end up at some dead end.

But maybe more importantly it takes the right attitude … if every tiny flower wanted to be a rose, spring would lose its loveliness

What I mean by that is because society and culture has encouraged us to think of ‘full’ as doing and tasks and outcomes that means we all are, in some form or fashion, seeking to be a rose. And truth be told we are a field of violets, sunflowers, lilies, astirs, and more – as well as roses – and that is what makes Life look lovely.

And that, to me, is the key to this whole solving ‘full but empty’ thing. Ignore the roses, find out what flower you are and bloom.

“How wild is it that every version of you probably exists still, somewhere, in someone’s memory?

The messy you, crying on the floor exists still in your mind. The happy, sun-soaked you, exists in your best friend’s memory. No part of you has died, all parts of us exist always, simultaneously and hidden.”

In that post I said … Maybe I could just suggest avoiding being ‘two/three/four/five faced’ as you attack filling up your Life and just focus on one good face. And maybe try and keep that face facing forward as often as you can.

Well. The truth is that your one face will come to life in different versions in other’s eyes. You can do everything consistently. You can do your best. Shit. You can actually be your best day in and day out. Yet, every version of who and what you are will exist, in all its different forms, somewhere in someone’s memory.

Someone will pick up a picture of you and remember you in a way that you may like; you may dislike, but is actually some version of you.

Well. How the hell does this happen if you are consistent?

Couple of things to think about.

Most importantly — interesting people are multi faceted. So even if you have ‘one face’ and one direction and one purposeful driven life and one clear soul … it can come to Life in different ways based on the context in which it is asked to interact with Life. Life pulls out the best and worst of you. And rarely does it do so in solitude … you can pretty much expect a shitload of other people around to see what you do and how you respond.

For some of those people that will be their only memory of you.

For some of those people that will be their most impactful memory of you.

Does that mean it is you? Yes and no. Yes in that it reflects a fragment of who and what you are. No in that it most likely is not a particularly good judge of your overall you. People should never be judged at their worst, or their best, and yet we’ll do just that day in and day out. Suffice it to say there are a shitload of versions of you wandering around out there in people’s memories.

Next.

We change. Yeah. we stay the same at our core but as we interact with people, thoughts and things we morph … hopefully for the better … but change it is. That I was yesterday, this I am today, and there I will be tomorrow. You are really the only one who experiences that time transition … everyone else is simply checking in and out.

What does that mean?

Part of the challenge about the whole ‘full but empty’ thing for us is that it isn’t always just about us. You can feel happy about the way you are but people can see a variety of things which do not even closely resemble how you are feeling. And most of us are self-aware enough, and observantly aware enough, to recognize any disconnects in real time. So while being full and not empty is really about maximizing your potential in an overall sense … you also are stuck doing some real time ‘maximizing potential obstacle management.’

When you do this, well, it slows you down from full stuff and only encourages more empty stuff.

In the end.

We all know you have to actively participate in Life because if you do not, well, Life will inevitably pick you to be on the worst dodgeball team, put you in the worst seat in a stadium and in the worst weather when you do not have the right clothes.

Stay true to thineself.

It doesn’t guarantee you shit in Life other than the version of you that you carry with you will look good to you. Not everyone else will like it, and some will love it, but you may as well have one you like.

In other words. You may as well be an architect of your own fate and manage your own version because everyone else will carry around a ‘version of you’ you cannot really control.

“Shut the fuck up … don’t ever compliment me by insulting other women. That’s not a compliment; it’s a competition none of us agreed to.”

—

(via aussie-with-glasses)

==============

Ok. This isn’t about society & women & standards <although I have written many times on that topic> this is about competitions we don’t agree to in Life, in a society that creates them and a sense of “self” in which we are constantly trying to find meaning in the competition of ‘doing’. Many of us can go through life doing the best we can trying to get along and, in general, view most things in life as a journey and not some race and … well … sometimes people, things and society have a different view.

What this means is you are demanded to compete in some competition you really never agreed to.

Let me explain. There are absolutely a bunch of people out there who define themselves by competition. They seek to find validation & actualization through some comparison versus what others are doing <this, basically, is competition>. And then there are people like me <I do not know how many there are of us but I imagine it is a fairly significant %>. While I like winning and, on occasion, a good competition gets the heart rate up and ‘ups my game’ the majority of the time I don’t view Life when I wake up and go to work as a competition with anyone and anything but myself. I simply want to do good things <epic shit if possible> do the best I can and better than I did yesterday. I guess my competition is yesterday not other people. That said. I am not naïve. I know that everyday I wake up and go to work I am entering into ‘the Thunderdome’ and entering into some competition that I didn’t really agree to.

=========

“Life doesn’t get easier or more forgiving, we get stronger and more resilient.”

Steve Maraboli

============

I don’t like it. But I recognize it. As often as I can, I avoid the competitions I don’t agree to.

By the way … if you google “how to deal with competitions you do not agree to” you will get zilch, zero, no results on that topic.

None.

Ponder that for a second.

All that said.

This does mean that you receive compliments as well as criticisms based on competitions you didn’t agree to.

And that is aggravating. It is like you are being judged by the Race Walking Olympic judges, with scores you don’t really care about, because you were just out jogging that day. Day in and day out people who really do not want to compete, other than with their own standards, are faced with having to accommodate competition they didn’t agree to.

What a fucking pain in the ass. I would also point out it sounds incredibly inefficient and time wasting.

Look. I am not suggesting some competition isn’t bad. I am suggesting that we go fucking overboard with regard to ‘forcing competition’ into all threads of Life & society & culture. I do believe it is healthy for young people to understand that in competition some people win and some people lose and that some people get trophies and not everyone gets one <although getting a trophy is not all there is to success & Life>.

I do believe it is healthy in youth to understand that some people are smarter than others, that some have skills you don’t have and that some people more easily learn some things than you do.

I do believe it is healthy for young people to learn how to compete and that competition can be healthy.

But at some point I think it would be good for society & culture to either turn that switch off or maybe learn how to turn on the dimmer switch because I think part of being an adult is knowing what you are good at and what you may not be good at and deciding for yourself <some would call that personal responsibility> how you want to achieve the best version of yourself.

I am not convinced that society, and business, creating some false versions of competition which almost encourages me to compete in some competition I really didn’t agree to, let alone really want to compete, is a good thing.

I tend to believe people like me think our competition is harsher and more challenging than any competition society can create for me and because of that I tend to want to dismiss outside competitions.

Yeah.

That choice is fraught with peril. Suffice it to say … just knowing that there is peril in not wanting to compete in some competition I didn’t even agree to is aggravating. But that is the world we currently live in. We are asked to compete against other flowers when all most of us want to do is bloom.

“Heroism is an obedience to a secret impulse of an individual’s character.

Now to no other man can its wisdom appear as it does to him, for every man must be supposed to see a little farther on his own proper path than anyone else.”

–

Ralph Waldo Emerson

<ESSAY VIII Heroism>

===

So.

This is about my thoughts on heroes but let me start by saying I tend to believe little things can make a big difference. And in a never ending struggle with everyday common Life you should seek the small victories because in the end … a big Life is made up of some pretty important small victories.

That said. Some things are bigger than others. And some big things cannot be done by accumulating a bunch of little things … even if they are really good little things.

And some big things should never be diminished. Like heroism & heroes.

Yup. On a day in the United States where we recognize the memories of heroes, the veterans of the military, I want to talk about heroes.

Now. Before I say what I want to say … I know we need heroes. Not just for practical reasons <we need to remember that they actually did something heroic that made a difference> but from a character compass standpoint.

They become a North Star for attitude, actions and character.

Universally we all have a desire to hear the stories and to identify with people with strong character and learn through the circumstances and choices that make them heroic to us.

And. I believe it is a Life truth that there can be no great heroes without great followers which means we, the ordinary people, are the great followers always seeking the great heroes.

And that is what I want to discuss.

Great heroes and, uhm, how I struggle with the ‘local media spotlighted’ heroes. I struggle because I believe that in order to deserve a real hero we the people, the common everyday people who fight the good fight day in and day out, must be able to rise above a sense of self and the belief that we are ‘heroic’ in our everyday lives and stop thinking the overall belief that heroism resides in the capacity of the majority.

For true heroism is not in the purview of the common person. True heroism is not for you & I <okay, maybe some of us, but not me>.

Whoa ! <you say> Let me explain my thinking.

We have a desperate <and not a bad objective with poor intentions> desire for heroes and heroism. And in doing so we have a tendency to celebrate the glimpses of heroism found in the ordinary person in possibly an extraordinary moment. Maybe by doing so we diminish heroism. To me, despite how we want to treat these following things as exceptional or examples for people to follow, things like duty, honor, courage & integrity are every day obligations for everyday people.

Not exceptional, but expected.

People should be going about doing what they do with a sense of duty simply doing what we expect people should do. I believe Hero should be an esteemed status. Commending only those who ‘serve beyond the call of duty’ without expectation of reward’.

Elite.

Just as there is only one North Star, the great heroes remain the brightest of the bright stars. When we create heroes from those who simply portray courage or a strong sense of duty <or doing what is right> it seems to lessen rather than increase the image and reality of true heroism.

Great heroes are few in number.

Great heroes are not doing little things that matter.

I fully understand this is a contrary point of view.

We like everyday heroes. Or maybe we just like the idea of them & the fact an ordinary person can be one.

News always raises up the unheralded local person, the unknown personality, the common person doing something seemingly heroic in everyday Life and shares ‘the story.’

We like it. To be sure, these people certainly deserve to be commended. Commended as heroes? Well. You could argue that to claim most people are heroes, and do heroic things, suggests that there really are not any heroes.

Heroes are not common. Heroic acts cannot be common.

Ok.

Here is the good news <for me> so that before everyone starts shoving random objects up my wazoo … Ralph Waldo Emerson agrees with me <or I guess I agreed with him?>.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

“The characteristic of heroism is its persistency. All men have wandering impulses, fits, and starts of generosity. But when you have chosen your part, abide by it, and do not weakly try to reconcile yourself with the world. The heroic cannot be the common, nor the common the heroic.”

Ralph <or Waldo to his closest drinking buddies> wrote an essay on Heroism. A brilliant piece <albeit he uses a boatload of words I do not understand and strings them together in some very odd sentences> where he solidly puts forth a belief that heroes are special and few.

Let me share some of his thoughts <I have bolded the really special parts>:

———

Our culture, therefore, must not omit the arming of the man. Let him hear in season, that he is born into the state of war, and that the commonwealth and his own well-being require that he should not go dancing in the weeds of peace, but warned, self-collected, and neither defying nor dreading the thunder, let him take both reputation and life in his hand, and, with perfect urbanity, dare the gibbet and the mob by the absolute truth of his speech, and the rectitude of his behaviour.Towards all this external evil, the man within the breast assumes a warlike attitude, and affirms his ability to cope single-handed with the infinite army of enemies. To this military attitude of the soul we give the name of Heroism.

Heroism feels and never reasons, and therefore is always right; and although a different breeding, different religion, and greater intellectual activity would have modified or even reversed the particular action, yet for the hero that thing he does is the highest deed, and is not open to the censure of philosophers or divines. It is the avowal of the unschooled man, that he finds a quality in him that is negligent of expense, of health, of life, of danger, of hatred, of reproach, and knows that his will is higher and more excellent than all actual and all possible antagonists. It is the state of the soul at war, and its ultimate objects are the last defiance of falsehood and wrong, and the power to bear all that can be inflicted by evil agents. It speaks the truth, and it is just, generous, hospitable, temperate, scornful of petty calculations, and scornful of being scorned. It persists; it is of an undaunted boldness, and of a fortitude not to be wearied out. Its jest is the littleness of common life. That false prudence which dotes on health and wealth is the butt and merriment of heroism.

Heroism, like Plotinus, is almost ashamed of its body.

… which common duty can very well attain, to suffer and to dare with solemnity. But these rare souls set opinion, success, and life, at so cheap a rate, that they will not soothe their enemies by petitions, or the show of sorrow, but wear their own habitual greatness.

—-

Heroes are immortal in their heroism.

Heroes have no death.

And they are bigger than us normal everyday folk.

Their purity has never been ‘shrunk to the common size of man.’ We should put heroism on a pedestal just as we should exalt the true heroes.

Emerson reminds us heroism cannot be common … because it is the one thing that is deemed worthy of immortality “… made death impossible, and affirms itself no mortal, but a native of the deeps of absolute and inextinguishable being.”

Ralph was a smart guy and said some really smart things.

We cheapen heroism a little bit by bestowing that honor on too many for too little. And by ‘too little’ I am suggesting we have set the bar too low. We should expect honor, duty, integrity and, yes, courage of convictions and courage to do what is right from everyone.

Those things are the standard for citizenship.

Heroes carry that standard to the forefront and beyond. They are the ones who speak the truth when truth is most difficult to speak, have the fortitude to not be wearied out by littleness of common life and are the rare souls who but wear their own habitual greatness.

“I take up my old pen again – the pen of all my old unforgettable efforts and sacred struggles. To myself – today – I need say no more.

Large and full and high the future still opens. It is now indeed that I may do the work of my life.

I like these words.

For anyone approaching middle age, or wading through it, they may be the most useful words anyone has written, words that if we repeat often enough we may even start to act upon.

Words that could change our lives, or the long sweet stretch of it that is left.”

==

Henry James

<wrote in his early 50s>

—————————————

“We know that greatness doesn’t come from building walls, it comes from building opportunity.”

=

Obama

<note: the original quote has “America’s” before greatness>

————————-

Well.

Yesterday I wrote about ‘no chance means no chance.’ Looking back upon it while I don’t regret the truth, or pragmatism of it, I began recognizing I kept going back to it again and again … my fingers hovering over the pragmatic side of it and the ‘delete’ key and having my thoughts hover over the hope portion with itchy fingers, and itchy mind, to write more and talk about how glimpses of ‘having a chance’ are the things that often not only get us thru the day but get us thru life.

That is the power of words. A word has the power to change the way you think about things but maybe more importantly a word … yes … a single word … has the power to change your life <because what you think often begets what you do>.

A word can surely be a wall … but more often than not … a word is a building block for opportunity. Such a small thing is large and full and … well … high the future still opens.

And while that sounds big & sweeping and maybe easily dismissed as words of a dreamer and things that are nice to think about but will never happen … I would like to point out that for almost 20 years now the internet has brought more new & different words into our lives. These words are opportunities. These little things are big and full of the future.

Because of this seeming barrage of words our lives, our culture; our minds have been forever changed. There is no going back and there is no ‘giving back.’ Words when encountered remain your companion to be hugged, bewildered by, spurned, loved and shadows you wherever you go from that moment on.

Even on the days when we shut ourselves away from people and the bustle and grind of Life there will not be a single day in which you will not interact with words.

They are your constant companion <friend or foe>.

Whole companies are now dedicated to words.

Any search engine or browser company.

Any social media company.

Shit.

Whole industries these days have been developed solely on the use and management of words.

Your words beget their words. They organize words which inevitably force you & I to consider, an reconsider, words.

This means, at the core of our lives, is one simple thing … a word.

One word at a time our life is built.

One word at a time … opportunity … a dream … a hope … is built.

This means that a word, or combination of words, is the key to everyday life. The way we interpret a word can not only change the present but impact the future. One word can … well … actually change our behavior <Amazon is the most practical tactical example of this>.

Technology has actually given a word ‘super powers’ <and they were pretty frickin’ powerful before>. a word is no longer something we simply observed & absorbed … it now has acquired a more active role in life … it creates and impacts how we interact.

Simplistically. A word is a fundamental catalyst of Life.

Anyway.

It is impossible to imagine the world without words.

A word enables us to do things that maybe seem unthinkable.

A word encourages us to think … well … we have a chance.

And, maybe most of all, while I think of a word as the small key to greatness and opportunity I continue to think of the one syllable 4 letter word that is possibly the most powerful word in any language – hope.

Whenever I wonder why I sit in front of my computer and write I remember that words not only are the only constant companion we encounter every day but they are involved in almost every aspect of our lives. In some small way maybe I think of James’ words … “today – I need say no more. Large and full and high the future still opens. It is now indeed that I may do the work of my life.”

Weigh your words carefully today my friends … and take a moment and ponder the words you encounter … for most do not build walls but offer opportunities.

Robert Frost epitaph quoting the last line from his poem “The Lesson for Today”

==

Well.

I am a bull in a china shop and I know it.

I have a lover’s quarrel with the world and I know it.

And, frankly, I like it. Some people suggest it is just being contrarian and others suggest it is ‘bull in a china shop’ living.

Maybe. Maybe to both.

But think about this. To me ‘bull in a china shop’ kind of implies that there is this random china shop and for some reason a bull wanders in <that bull would be me in this metaphor>. But – suppose it is actually the other way? Suppose you have a bull. The bull is … well … a bull. It lives its life. It’s content. It’s comfortable being a … well … a bull. Then Life comes along and builds a frickin’ china shop around it. Not just surrounded by fences but within a china shop – caged, contained, restrained, pick your word here – the bull is unable to move without breaking something. What does that mean? Simple normal everyday actions are now destructive. And yet … the bull is simply being a bull. Just being kind of what it was brought in this world to be.

Well.

I like turning it around this way <it makes me feel slightly better>. I like it because it permits me to quarrel with the world … and be in the right. Oh. Right being defined as being myself.

Regardless. If you accept the turned around thought I shared … well … this may surprise you but … acceptance becomes a key thought and mindset. Yeah. Acceptance.

I know that sounds odd because we are talking about possibly crashing around and breaking shit. But the thought is that if you are a bull you accept the reality of the world that is constraining the reality of you. Now. Please understand. Acceptance is not the decision to do nothing. Acceptance is simply acceptance. It is simply the intention to agree with reality. Accepting what is <and what is not>.

I say this even as a true Life contrarian … because I honestly can say that have never found a time where it was better to disagree with reality. It is always easier to agree with reality … and then start ‘doing.’ Acceptance simply means permitting the present to exist … no matter how painful. Which then leads me to the thought that there is a difference between pain and suffering.Acceptance suggests you eliminate the suffering aspect because … well … Life is what it is. Maybe painful … but not worth suffering over.

Anyway. Circling back to the bull <as in me>. Life is a china shop and … well … I can’t build a whole new shop for Life … I just have to learn how to live within it.

That is acceptance and acceptance that, in some odd way, makes Life bearable. I can keep moving and taking action. I can keep … well … quarreling with the world.

Even better? My actions are derived from an intent to ‘do’ … whatever that doing is … and with a recognition that I will probably break some shit <and have to pay for it> and not driven by some reactive sense of desperate avoidance to not break shit or be constantly aggravated with Life being a frickin’ china shop.

Now. You would tend to think that accepting the realness of reality is something we would do automatically.

We don’t.

This may sound obtuse … but in actually living it <this acceptance thing> … I can tell you that thinking this way is quite freeing. Because Life can be painful at times and, yet, I have also found that mostly it is painful only because you are in conflict with what Life seems to be demanding of you. So maybe if you can imagine that by accepting the pain as natural as just part of who you are and the choices you make – you actually limit the pain to such a level it is almost unnoticeable. Oh. In the cases in which the pain doesn’t recede? Well … you end up fighting back against Life a little bit. And I will note … in most cases you are simply fighting inertia. Inertia as in ‘the wrong type of acceptance.’ In fact … i am wrong .. its not acceptance … it is acquiescence <acquiescence as an overall societal default mechanism>. This is where people simply cease to fight against what they see as an inevitable outcome.

All that said. It seems like I am talking about some form of ignorance. And I am. In this case it is self ignorance. Ignorant with regard to self-awareness or just ignorant of reality <knowledge and facts and truth and shit like that>.

An ignorance of maybe our personal Life default mechanism. I imagine the real issue behind ignorance is … well … a natural irrationality. We humans like to think of ourselves as a smart thoughtful intuitive group.

In general … we are not.

For example.

A psychologist described how people are fairly good at predicting the outcome of elections based solely on photographs of the candidates. Well. This is slightly disturbing in that it suggests no matter how much we analyze what a person stands for that a significant part of our choice behavior falls back on some subconscious instinctual gut feeling … that are in many cases typically not rational.

Another example.

Think you can change a friend’s mind about an important issue? Think again. Psychological research suggests the existence of something called the ‘backfire effect.’ This is when by simply mentioning facts that another person won’t like … it will cause ‘double down behavior’ on their original position.

Well. That sucks. No wonder all of us have some level of a ‘lover’s quarrel with the world.’

Anyway. This subconscious irrationality seems to reside in the fact that we people are really really good at utilizing an innate default mechanism … either too afraid or too oblivious to make major changes to our attitudes & beliefs. It is an unfortunate truth that it is part of our natural cultural DNA that we do a whole bunch of maintaining, rationalizing, procrastinating and reinforcing … suffice it to call it “embracing the status quo” type stuff.

Sorry to tell you, but, we don’t really do very much thinking about what’s really best for us and the possibly more drastic changes we might need to make to get there. We do some surface type thinking but not the real deep hard thinking.

So what does this mean? If you don’t quarrel with the world on occasion you simply let Life dictate your life.

By the way. Please note the ‘love’ in the quarrel thought.

I love Life. I love the world in which we live.

Does that mean I like it unchanged? Absolutely not. I want to change things and attitudes and behaviors and therefore I have a lover’s quarrel.

Maybe I am crazy. Maybe it comes down to a crazy personal attitude:

==========

“Do I dare … dare disturb the universe?”

TS Eliot

===========

Whoa. Disturbing the universe. Quarreling with Life on occasion. That’s … well … crazy.

Look.

I tend to think it is fairly typical for us to feel like something is missing or unsettled in our lives. I know I do on occasion. I also think it is fairly typical that even though we feel that way … at any given time … the idea of making any type of major change will tend to seem out of the question. I know I do on occasion.

I tend to believe it is is because you believe you are … well … what you’ve been doing this whole time. I know I do on occasion.

I tend to believe we recognize that something missing and yet we make no real meaningful change <for a variety of good and not so good reasons>.

Well. This paradox, which is actually quite natural in our attitudes & behavior, kind of makes the entire thought of continuing with the way things are <maintain the status quo> seem a little absurd. The fact is you are naturally disturbing the universe – at least your own universe. Identity is not static, it is fluid.

You are constantly becoming a new version of yourself – a different person. Yeah. Dramatic changes may actually be necessary to realign with ‘the world.’ In fact what you feel is ‘missing’ may simply a reflection of the fact that your new version is out of sync with the world and Life. In my words, you are quarreling with the world for the wrong reasons. I say all this psychological mumbo jumbo because this takes some self awareness. It certainly takes battling self ignorance. And inevitably this takes into account self doubt and <by the way> self doubt exists in everyone.

Well. Let’s just say it exists within everyone who tries to live their life with some integrity or values.

Because if you don’t care about your ‘output’ <however output is manifested in your daily life … including your actions> being good … and are okay that being bad is just fine … self-doubt has nothing to attach itself to.

Ok. All that said.

Quarreling with the world.

Disturbing the universe.

We humans ignore all sorts of things that don’t fit our conceptual structures <heads and how we think>. Quarreling is often simply natural chafing against paradigms. And paradigms are a reflection of the defaults we fall into. Some psychologist suggested that paradigm shifts in human societies aren’t made incrementally, but rather in great leaps:

————–

During the period of normal science, the failure of a result to conform to the paradigm is seen not as refuting the paradigm, but as the mistake of the researcher. As anomalous results build up, science reaches a crisis, at which point a new paradigm, which subsumes the old results along with the anomalous results into one framework, is accepted. This is termed revolutionary science.

This negates the truth value of any given idea — but simultaneously demands adjustments of the most dissonant “truth”. Adjustments can employ tactics such as appeals to spiritual beliefs, peer pressure, neglect or diminishing of significance (and vice versa), discrediting a source or messenger, reliance upon tradition, appeal to authority, etc.

——————-

Well. Those words also apply to us … people .. not just research.

… demands adjustments of the most dissonant “truth.”

Wow. That’s us people. We need a crisis of anomalous data before we accept change. Therefore … dramatic changes are not just quarrels with the world but arguments. Heated debates.

Look.

I imagine my unending quarrel with the world is one that many have. Some are simply more vocal than others … some get tired more easily than others in the quarrel.

I also imagine just to keep my sanity that I embrace the thought that maybe it is simply part of who I am that I see myself freed of what may often be seen as natural boundaries all with the hope to someday reach a larger vision of possibilities. I certainly do not seek to imply simple optimism or a some utopia to be arrived at in the distant future. It is simply the journey to something better.

Better than what is today.

Maybe I quarrel with the world because today’s world can be a harsh and difficult one scattered with cruel weather surrounding character and soul. And I accept the pain as I sometimes stumble down a path can be strewn with ruins of what was and outdated cultural monuments.

I like to think I reject the past and embrace the past at exactly the same time.

============

“Beyond the wall another wall, on the wall stopped dead one sentinel.”

Regina Derieva

============

I accept the walls.

I accept the sentinels who stand watch over the status quo.

I accept the china shop.

Maybe I just like to think of it as larger with new freshly painted walls. And maybe I simply am quarreling with the dead sentinels standing upon the walls.

I have a lovers quarrel with the world.

I do the best that I can.

I take solace in something Augusten Burroughs said:

===============

“I myself am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions.”

===============

I am flawed … I have good intentions … and I will quarrel with the world.

Look. I know that the world, itself, is a good ‘quarreler.’

It challenges, tries to push you down and sometimes makes you feel like there is no hope.

No hope for being better. No hope for change.

Me?

In acceptance I find some type of courage <not sure that is the right word> to defeat these feelings.

I am flawed. But I know I have a good intentions. I know I am a bull and I don’t particularly like someone tried to build a china shop around me.