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If you have a friend that's down and he/she cannot tell you why, you may have to dig deep if you want to help. Here's how.

Steps

1

Approach your friend and ask "What's the matter?". If your friend decides to tell you, then listen with all your heart; if he or she refuses to, then don't force it.

2

Talk to your friend about how it's all going to be fine and how it's not his or her fault. Basically, it is most important to comfort and motivate your friend.

3

Stress the positives. If your friend still thinks negatively, try to make him or her think positively. Say things such as "Look, just because you upset someone you care about, it doesn't mean they're going to leave you forever. Think about him/her and yourself".

4

Say something like, "I think maybe you need some time alone with your thoughts/to process everything. I'm going to go out and pick up some ice cream for us (ice cream and chocolate solve everything) and we can talk about it some more when I get back." After that you will do as you said; give your friend a little time to him or herself to think, if he or she asks you to stay, then stay. You know you have opened a door when your friend asks this of you.

5

Once their thinking time is over (approx. 10-20 minutes will do), say to them "Have you thought it through?" if they say yes and start saying things like "You're right," if they haven't then finalize it by saying something about your past when you felt down. Then tell them a story about something that happened to you that got you down.

6

Reflect the positive outcome. Once your comforting has finished and you have answered any questions your friend may have asked, smile at him or her and say "Yes... it was a heck of a bad time then." And just comfort him or her until the time is right. Hopefully, that's when he or she will start laughing or smiling.

My friend just lost her cousin in a car accident, so she has been sad for a very long time. I am a boy, so I don't know what girls really want when they are sad. Is there anything special I can do to help?

wikiHow Contributor

Community Answer

Just by being there should probably help a lot, regularly asking her if she is okay and maybe buying her some chocolates or flowers with a note saying that you're always here for her, just so she knows that there is someone there she knows she can talk to. Losing someone you are close to can affect you for a while, but it makes a difference when you know there is always someone who has your back and I think it's really nice that you care about her.

My friend's mum died of breast cancer and she is very sad about it and she won't talk to me. What can I do?

wikiHow Contributor

Community Answer

She sounds very depressed. Don't take it personally. She need some time to mourn and accept things. For some people it takes 6 months or a year, or more. Be patient with your friend. Tell her that you want to give her time and space to grieve but that you will be there anytime she wants to talk or go out and get her mind off things. Just let her know you are there. My friend's mother died and she disappeared for 6 months. It's very hard.

What can I do if my friend and I are going through a rough time and just want to cry?

wikiHow Contributor

Community Answer

You might try doing something with each other that will take your minds off of it for a little while and cheer you both up. Consider going to the movies or getting dinner at a nice restaurant. You may also just want to cry it out for a while, which is completely okay. Try to be there for each other, but let the emotions come out.

I have a friend who is threatening to leave his job because he's had enough of how he is getting treated. How do I support him?

wikiHow Contributor

Community Answer

Talk to him and help him. List pros and cons for leaving/staying at the job. This may help him come to a decision. Try to make sure your friend doesn't do anything rash, and help him come up with a plan of action for whatever he decides to do.

Tips

Telling stories about times when you and/or other people were down are not necessarily helpful. When someone is down, he or she really needs attention to his or her own emotions, and does not need to hear about something else, but just time and a good listener to help process his or her emotions.

If your friend is still down on the next week, then the problem may be serious.

If your friend is smiling the next time you see them then you know you have accomplished what you wanted, and that's them smiling and saying to you "I'm glad you were there with me."

Don't act too excited; if he or she is really sensitive you could overwhelm them even more.

Tell your friend the plus points about him or her.

Warnings

Don't use this as an opportunity to talk about yourself and your own problems. This is about your friend! There is nothing worse than one person adding to the woes by trying to out-compete with the other's own woes - drop it and be empathetic in more constructive ways.

When you say you will let your friend have time to think, let him or her think. Don't stay close to your friend at this moment; give some space and just let your friend think things through.

Do not force your friend to do anything he or she doesn't want to, just force your friend to try to smile without saying something like "Just smile or I'll break your legs!" That's not supportive, that's just piling up more and more negativity and pressure on your friend.

Article Info

wikiHow is a “wiki,” similar to Wikipedia, which means that many of our articles are co-written by multiple authors. To create this article, 27 people, some anonymous, worked to edit and improve it over time. This article has also been viewed 74,354 times.