Tuesday, October 02, 2007

Fears.We all have them.Some of them are justified.I mean, who isn’t afraid of the dark, of spiders, or of things that go bump in the night?Sure, some of our fears are a bit irrational, but I’m here to tell you that even the irrational ones are real to the person suffering from said trepidation.

I once heard a woman on a talk show talk about her phobia of. . . macaroni. Now, personally, the carb lover that I am, I haven’t ever met a piece of macaroni that I feared or that I didn’t find tasty, but I can only imagine that at some time this woman had a bad macaroni experience.(Don’t worry, I’m not even going to try to guess what it was.)

Needless to say, I have my own misunderstood fear.Frankly, most people unjustly chuckle at my phobia or at least they chuckle at the situation from which my phobia stemmed.Not that I personally see Zoo-phobia as a laughing matter.

Yes, I’m afraid of going to the Zoo.

You might be thinking that maybe I could have been one of those children who fell, or was tossed, into the Gorilla cage.But nope, my mom never wanted to get rid of me that bad—or at least not on the days we were at the zoo. You might think I just happened to get lost at a zoo as a child, but nope, mom always held my hand extra tight.

My fear didn’t even stem from a childhood event.Yes, it was years ago, but I was an adult. A full-fledge adult, I might add. We-- my husband, my little girl and I—were visiting the Los Angeles Zoo.And for first time in my life, I was. . . well …felt up by a stranger.

Now, my husband, the man who had vowed before God and our friends to love, honor and protect me, was standing right beside me during this assault.But like the rest of the crowd, he was bent over from the waist down having one of those real belly laughs.(Okay, I’ll admit the villain of this crime was a lot larger than my 6-foot husband and probably outweighed him by a couple of tons, but still, I expected more from the man I married.)

Now, when we first approached the elephant exhibit, I was excited. (But not that kind of excited!) The big guy was strutting his stuff, prancing around for the crowd, his trainer doing a talk about their power and charm.When the big brut started moving in my direction, I instantly became aware of the low fence, but hey, my thought was that for the first time in my life I was actually going to get to touch an elephant.I had somehow neglected to realize that if I could touch him, he could also touch me.

Now, like I said, it was several years ago.I was young, thin, and filled out my little t-shirt rather nicely.At least, the elephant thought so.(But let me ask you . . .did you know elephant trunks have suction cups in them?)

Anyway, there I stood, all four feet eleven inches with my right D-cup boob being suctioned by a male elephant in front of hundred or so laughing-so-hard-they-cried people.I seriously considered slapping the rude perpetrator, but the trainer had just explained about how elephants could pick up over a thousand pounds with their trunks.Right then, I had a terrible vision of this elephant tossing me over his shoulder and taking me back to his pad for some hanky panky.And hey, he had completely skipped first base, gone straight for second, and quite frankly, I was in no mood for home runs.

But unfortunately, I was pretty much without options.So I stood there and let him have his jollies.It took the trainer zapping the guy before he finally released me.But did you know their trunks are wet and kind of slimy?I didn’t.Well, not until I looked down at my right boob to see the large ring he’d left. Oh, and the ring stained the baby blue Tee and all day people were pointing at me and laughing.

Amazingly, I have forgiven my husband, but whenever he says… “Why don’t we go to the zoo?” I start feeling panic and then get a strange sensation in my right boob.

So there you have it.Now, you know what I’m afraid of and why.But what about you?What are your fears and phobias?Care to share?And please, if I can tell you about being molested by an elephant, surely you can tell me anything.Even if it is a fear of macaroni.

Crime Scene Christie

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Thank you for understanding my phobia! Oh, I'm afraid of bees, too. I'm alergic to them. You should have seen me the day I was driving and one flew up my skirt. All I could think was I was not going to the emergency room and bare my buttocks that were swollen bigger than their normal size!

Christie--I apologize for snickering at what was obviously a traumatic experience. Maybe if you wrote a book with a shapeshifter elephant for a villain you could get back at the beast from a safe distance?

I don't do badly with spiders. Cockroaches are a whole different matter, though. Shudder . . . .

*LOL* OMG. Yeah, the zoo would be stricken from the list of places to see...and your husband is a...well, MAN, to tease you about it so. Ha, on the foreplay remark!

Fear: SNAKES. I don't even like still pictures of snakes. I was walking Saturday for my "daily walk", and on my jaunt back, saw a dead snake in the road. On the way out, I had convinced myself that it was getting cold enough for snakes to have retreated--and now I saw that they had obviously NOT retreated. It was even, I could tell, a "harmless" snake, but it mattered not. I cut my walk short and hid in my house instead.

Strangely I'm not bothered by lizards. Which is weird because what is a lizard but a snake with legs, right? I'm rather disturbed I might be prejudiced against those with missing limbs...which is hardly just.

You know, I think I'm a lot braver about bugs than I used to be, now that I'm the adult and have to "rescue" the kids. But having grown up in Louisiana, the big "tree" roaches that could fly still freak me out. I would always see them when they were up high and the would dive bomb. Just seeing a dark spot from the corner of my eye still makes me jump! I once found a roach under the pillow in my bed - now that's the ultimate violation, a roach in your bed...

Christie - point taken. Some elephants might not be put off by small breasts. I'll keep my distance, just in case...

And now that I think about it, lizards are just snakes with legs and it does seem a bit disturbing that a poor missing-limbed lizard would be faced with unjust phobio, but hey...life isn't fair, right?

So you know those flying roaches, too, huh? Here in Texas they could be mistaken for Crows. Once my cat brought me one as a present. I was sleeping, and he so kindly placed it on my chest. Have you ever wondered how fast you got out of bed? You might be surprised.

Christie, that was horrendously funny! But I could just feel your mortification while reading about the occurence. You've got every right to be afraid of the zoo! :-) Aside from spiders, which is one of my huge fears, the one that rates higher is being buried alive. Now, I don't have a story to explain my fear. It's not like I was ever nearly buried alive...not in this life anyway. LOL! But I have a heck of a time watching movies where someone is buried alive. I'm not necessarily claustrophobic, either, so I don't know from where this fear stems. All I know is that it's fierce. I'm still left scratching my head as to why I once even wrote a romantic suspense about a serial killer burying his victims alive. Hmm, cheap therapy, maybe? :-)

Now the spider phobia is pretty universal, I think. Being buried alive is different. But I'll admit, it would be pretty freaking scary. And it is wierd where our fears stem from. And as for writing about it, I think you are right. Cheap therapy. Plus, when you write about things that are emotionally real to you, you seem to be able to put a lot of emotion onto the page. Now I haven't written about elephant assaults yet, but who knows....

Thinking about the zoo, my daughter (7) is nervous about the zoo because she fears the animals making loud noises (trumpeting, roaring, whatever) I won't tell her your story or I'll never get her there again!!

Colleen - why did you have to bring up clowns?? I don't like clown dolls, particularly those with porcelain heads. Ventriloquist dummies either. And no, I never did watch any horror movies featuring them - but there is a reason they are used in such movies!!!

I'm not a fan of snakes. I don't like going into the snake house at the zoo. I will, but if anyone so much as accidentally bumps into me, I scream. I guess it's because I'm so anxious I assume it's a snake goosing me or something. I just don't do snakes.

But the weirdest phobia I've ever heard of (and I apologize to anyone who has this phobia - I mean no offense) was someone who couldn't eat anything that had anything white in it. I was having bunco at my house and had made a shrimp pasta salad/casserole and she asked me if it had mayonnaise in it and I said yes and she said she couldn't eat it. Fortunately the cake I'd made was a yellow cake because she wasn't going to touch that either otherwise. I just thought that was "different" to say the least.

Afraid? Me? The pistol-packin' former brown shirt? Ha! I laugh in the face of fear...

Okay, you got me. I must raise my hand along with those who have admitted to a fear of things slithery. I hate snakes. I think it dates back to my hay-baling youth when we'd sometimes bale a snake or two in the square bales, realizing the fact only when the snake found its way out of the bale--or, in the alternative, we discovered the mangled remains of said serpent.

I'm not too fond of clowns either. However, that emotion runs more towards hate than fear.

I don't have cats but my dogs have been known to bring me a present or two...they particularly like possums. And not all of the ones they've brought in the house (courtesy of a doggy door) were dead. Nope, had one take the grand tour of my living room before I sucked it up, and went and MET my neighbor (for the first time), asking for his help in getting it out. Have to say though, all this "interaction" with the critters has made them less scary for me (although don't see that ever happening with the snakes).

I dont know but i assume Racoon or Coon hunting is something that is more known of in the south. Coon hunting in case you have never heard of it is pretty serious business a round North Alabama , I mean there is even a Coon Dog Cemetery in North West Alabama. Growing up in a sort of rural area you would think we might see lots of wild life. On the dead end street i grew up on there were about a dozen houses and each house had at least 2 kids, one or two dogs and there were always cats coming and going.That pretty much kept the wild life at bay. As far as squirrels we didnt see very many, much less Racoons in your yard. So needless to say I never was a round the masked bandit. I have heard that if a racoon attacks a dog it can shread it in too piecees. So last year when we started having Racoons visit our Bird feeding station on our back deck and my boyfriend decieded to start hand feeding them hotdogs , I began to panic. I got it in my mind that if the Racoons came to eat and there wasn't any food for them they might just try to come in the screen door.And they actually probably would have done that. We stopped feeding the Racoons by hand. They still show up but they only get left over bird seed. My fears arent completely gone. As I sat here earlier wondering what im afraid of i was reminded, as I heard on of the little critters eating just out side my door.

Omg Christie that is funny but scary! I went to a drive through safari at Great Adventure one time. It was alot of fun but kind of scary. The girafees and camels and all the tamer animals come right up to your car and lick it and it's alot of fun. I was a bit freeked out though. As for phobias, I don't think I really have any.

I know what you are saying about a wet ring - it happens when you breast feed too and your breast leaks in public at church. Embarrassing.I can only imagine the embarrassment you faced and like you I wouldn't want to go back to a zoon - or at least I'd stear clear of the elephants.My fear was just two weeks ago - of surgery. I dreaded going into surgery for an ankle fusion. Why? Because a year ago when I had a knee replacement, I did not have this fear. However I was afraid of getting another roommate like time that yelled and carried on and nurses did nothing for. She tried to get out of bed in middle of night after a hip replacement and would not wait on nurse. When I called my nurse to assist her as hers wouldn't, I was yelled at and asked if I wanted to change rooms. Medicaid would not pay for me a private room. I did nothing wrong but they were mean to me over this. So I dreaded it on Sept. 18th. However God gave me a beautiful roommate this time and nurses all treated me well. But I was so afraid going into surgery that I literally shook and they had to give me something to calm me down. Now I am in a wheelchair for another 4 weeks (made it through 2) and have an 8 months recovery. Jane Squires - jrs362@hotmail.com

On goodness, surgery and bad roommates are the worst. And a bad roommate when you're in the hospital... that totally has to suck. I'm just glad you had a good roommate this last time and that you are counting down the time in a wheel chair. Be strong. And come back often and enjoy a chuckle. Laughter really is the best medicine.

I am glad you did gave me a chuckle I needed it :) TY. I did tell a few people to come play but hey can't make them post *G* LoL I will make sure to watch out next time I go to the zoo. I can't even remember the last time I went though *G*

Hmmm... I think we need some kind of electrical current that goes through the computer to the mouse and zaps people if they try to leave without posting. :-) Okay...so maybe it's not the friendliest idea. Thanks.

Is it really like ER that you all go into a room and the big doctor talks about you as if you're not there and you become a show and tell project? I'm not against it, I just always see that on the TV and wonder if it's really how it's done.

My friend Linda, ReadingIsSoMuchFun sent me here and glad to be here! LOL on the Macaroni!! Hey I'm terrified of dogs because I got attacked by one (pit bull) a few years ago. But my main fear is bridges. I dunk my head in the car when my hubby is driving when I am on the bridges. Nothing ever happened that I know of why this is that way.

Yikes...I used to know someone had a fear of dogs. That can be tough. Now bridges? I don't care for heights, but I don't mind bridges unless I'm too close to the edge. Strange how our phobias are something so individual and unexplained.

You know, all this talk made me remember that when my niece was a toddler she was afraid of balloons. You never realize how many balloons there are in the world until you have a shrieking toddler in tow. You can avoid birthday parties but an amazing number of grocery stores have balloon bobbing around as well...

Christie... usually we, med students enter the room first and examine the patient, but then we get controlled by our attending or the resident or both and then we are three (sometimes four when another student comes because the case is interesting)... so sometimes I think it is like on TV, but a bit better on the human side (not like Dr. House)... it is so exagerated on Tv!!

I teach preschool and God Bless them, they're always bringing germs and "critters" into the classroom. My greatest fear is head lice. Yeah I must admit my head starts itching and I start scratching the minute they post the note at school. It's just the thought of a fine toothed comb through my long, curly, always tangled hair that makes me want to cry.

LindaHLOL. Sometimes playing nice is boring...so I so appreciate the offer to be my "partner in crime."

LilyBoy am glad it's like Dr. House. I mean...I heard he actually smothered one patient with a pillow. That man needs to work on his bedside manners.

Lila

I agree. I'd have to blasted hungry before I ate bugs--chocolate or no chocolate.

TerryI wonder if the coons would eat chocolate cover bugs?

JenyferOh, goodness, your poor niece. Balloons are everywhere.

Brenda,Head lice? Jeepers. My head itches just thinking about it. And you are so right about the germs and preschoolers. My daughter worked at a daycare once, and she got sick from all the germs and then everyone in the family got sick. Thank goodness, she never brought home head lice.

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