Congratulations on [an event last night], the first as [description that is only partially accurate].

Too bad we had to find out via Facebook.

My objections are as follows:

I have been promoting it for months.

It is the second time I’ve done it.

She hasn’t attended a performance since 2011, which has lead me to believe she’s not super invested, so lots happen that she never knows about. This one just had some pictures because I was a proud teacher. I don’t know if she cared because it was on Facebook and other people cared, or if it was just a convenient scab to pick so she could get under my skin.

Every single event I ever do is on a list on a website which is literally myfirstnamemylastname.com, under a tab that says “events.” I’ve told her this a few times but she prefers to badger me about my location because it’s control and not actual interest.

I told her about it yesterday while she was throwing her hissy fit about something else.

I know that this is a trap, and I know I can’t respond. But what I wanted to send back was:

My husband has wisely chosen to handle all of this by asking questions, pretending to hear the answers, and then saying something in the next sentence that shows he’s not listening.