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Homosexuality: A New Christian Ethic Shifts focus of debate from symptoms to root causes Psychoanalytic Interpretation “the homosexual condition involves legitimate developmental needs, the fulfillment of which has been blocked by an underlying ambivalence to members of the same sex.”

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Homosexuality: A New Christian Ethic She sets the separation between “homosexual-orientation” from “homosexual-activities” “homosexual-orientation” from “homosexual-activities” She coined the term “ Defensive Detachment”

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“Defensive Detachment” Why Defensive Detachment? Why Defensive Detachment? From “Attachment” theory of John Bowby From “Attachment” theory of John Bowby With Attachment, there is Detachment With Attachment, there is Detachment How a child-toddler learns autonomy How a child-toddler learns autonomy –Identity Formation and Development –A Dynamic process of Attaching-Detaching The “Psychological-Birth” of an infant The “Psychological-Birth” of an infant

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New Male Behaviors Self-Acceptance: Body-Comfort: I’m okay! Self-Acceptance: Body-Comfort: I’m okay! Male-Resocialization: I am one of the guys! Male-Resocialization: I am one of the guys! Mother will be okay if I let her go! Mother will be okay if I let her go! –Mom, do you want a son or a nurse? I can’t be both! Accountability Person: No more secrets! Accountability Person: No more secrets! Female-Resocialization Female-Resocialization –From “I want a masculine woman who is not dependent” –To “Women can be feminine and they are attractive.”

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Femininity Identity Crisis Development of Lesbianism Great hurts and pains from males Great hurts and pains from males –Fathers who failed or abused them Believes mother is weak as a woman Believes mother is weak as a woman –Rejects self as women; Rejects womanhood (Pain) as being unsafe Sexual abuse-promiscuity resulting in men-hating Sexual abuse-promiscuity resulting in men-hating “If I can be a man I will be safe from harm!” “If I can be a man I will be safe from harm!” –Multi-layered-loose clothes, “Walk like a man, talks like a man” “I hate make-up” “It’s oppressive-sexism- slave!”

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Saying Good-Byes Setting the Record Straight: “Real Love?” Setting the Record Straight: “Real Love?” –Needs and Dependence –Exploitations: Dominant vs. Submissive Relationships that met needs Relationships that met needs –“Looking for love in the wrong places” –There were positives about past relationships The Ingredient of Respect The Ingredient of Respect –Establish Same Sex (non-physical) relationships

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Emergence of the New-Self Overcoming the Expectations of Old Community Overcoming the Expectations of Old Community –Change always unstablizing: Courage to move on –Rejection of others: “You have Changed! What happened?” Establishing a New Social Paradigm Establishing a New Social Paradigm –Relationships are Neutral-Mutual: Non-Shame based –Male Non-Sexual Relationships –Female “Non-Default” Relationships: No more “Safe-Retreats” –Female Emotional-Physical-Sexual Relationships »Overcoming Fears: Enmeshment, Physical-Sexual “Space” »Dependency vs. Initiative Behaviors: “Take a Lead!” »Making a Commitment: Litmus Test of Enmeshment Resolution

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Femininity Identity Crisis & the Development of Lesbianism Great hurts and pains from males –F–F–F–Fathers who failed or abused them Believes mother is weak as a woman –R–R–R–Rejects self as women; Rejects womanhood (Pain) as being unsafe Sexual abuse-promiscuity resulting in men-hating “If I can be a man I will be safe from harm!” –M–M–M–Multi-layered-loose clothes, “Walk like a man, talks like a man” “I hate make-up” “It’s oppressive-sexism- slave!”

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What do Lesbians say about themselves? “I’m unhappy with being a woman; it’s weakness” “When I discovered the gay bar, I finally came home” “I feel like I am a man in a woman’s body” I don’t need men, I hate-despise them!” “I am more “homo-emotional” than homosexual” “Smoking, alcohol and drugs are cool!” “You don’t understand how we love, it’s better!” “Women is a stronger sex! Men are weak!”

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New Male Behaviors Self-Acceptance: Body-Comfort: I’m okay! Male-Resocialization: I am one of the guys! Mother will be okay if I let her go! –M–M–M–Mom, do you want a son or a nurse? I can’t be both! Accountability Person: No more secrets! Female-Resocialization –F–F–F–From “I want a masculine woman who is not dependent” –T–T–T–To “Women can be feminine and they are attractive.”

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Emergence of the New-Self Overcoming the Expectations of Old Community –C–C–C–Change always unstablizing: Courage to move on –R–R–R–Rejection of others: “You have Changed! What happened?” Establishing a New Social Paradigm –R–R–R–Relationships are Neutral-Mutual: Non-Shame based –M–M–M–Male Non-Sexual Relationships –F–F–F–Female “Non-Default” Relationships: No more “Safe-Retreats” –F–F–F–Female Emotional-Physical-Sexual Relationships »O»O»O»Overcoming Fears: Enmeshment, Physical-Sexual “Space” »D»D»D»Dependency vs. Initiative Behaviors: “Take a Lead!” »M»M»M»Making a Commitment: Litmus Test of Enmeshment Resolution