Snooki's new boyfriend is a menace! Chris Brown loses again. Wanna know what it's like to do a sex scene with George Clooney? Hailey Glassman wants a job. Lilo wants a role. Saturday's Gossip Roundup wants a piece of toast.

Snooki knows how to pick 'em. The Jersey Shore star's new boyfriend, Iraq veteran Jeff Miranda, has a history of being a violent asshole towards his girlfriend. An ex was granted a restraining order against him for "beating her and threatening her life," according to Radar. The restraining order says Miranda "threatened to burn plaintiff's house down while she slept, threatened to cut plaintiff's brakes, defendant threatened plaintiff by stating 'if you cheat on me or break up with me you have a hole dug for you already." Also, he allegedly punched and choked her and pulled a shotgun on her because she wouldn't sleep with him. But that's the only way he knows how to say "I care." [Radar]

Some people thought that famous woman-beater and R&B singer Chris Brown might tour with Usher this summer. Turns out that's not true. But Usher's camp says it isn't because Chris Brown beats women, but because of "financial reasons." Thank God: for a second we thought Usher was taking a principled stand on something. [P6]

Ooooh, Italian actress Violante Placido is dishing on her "relatively graphic" sex scene with George Clooney: "I felt like this was in a way something new to him, he wasn't that experienced, she told PEOPLE. "We were very open to one another to try to make it work. We just said 'let's trust each other' and we did. I felt like we had to let ourselves go." Placido, though, seems pretty comfortable taking her clothes off on camera, judging from the Google Image Search we just did. Mamma mia.

Jon Gosselin's ex, Hailey Glassman, is looking for a job in public relations! Her resume says: "I am very relatable and could sell a rock to the public if I had to…" Just like how he she sold Jon to Stepping Out Magazine by telling them "He's hung like a 9-year-old boy?" [P6]

An outbreak of pink eye in A.J. McLean will not affect the Backstreet Boys' tour. The fact that they are not longer relevant, however… [TMZ]

Usher doesn't regret anything in his marriage to Tameka Foster. He's saving all his regret for when his protege Justin Bieber's voice changes. ZING. [People]

Oh no! TMZ says "Lindsay Lohan—The Bloodsuckers are Back"! Lindsay Lohan—attacked by leeches? Not literally! Sources close to Lilo tell TMZ that "bad people" are trying to "snake their way back into their life" after her release from rehab. Which is it, source: A snake or a leech? Either way, stay away from our fallen child star! [TMZ]

Also, Lindsay Lohan wants to be the Bride of Frankenstein in a remake of The Bride of Frankenstein. [TMZ]

Brad Pitt was in New Orleans this week on the 5th anniversary of Hurricane Katrina, saving the city. Rumor has it, he personally built 50 houses in a special "green" way which reduces carbon footprint and also the houses can repel hurricanes. [TMZ]