I'm at my wits end with my 10-year old daughter. She lies constantly and not just about big things--- small things too. If I keep asking questions when things don't add up and only when she knows she's busted, she'll finally admit to it. She's very convincing when she's lying because she says it so matter-of-factly and initially when caught, she'll begin an Oscar-winning performance declaring her innocence.

I've tried so many things like taking away tv, phone and computer; adding extra chores, having her write sentences of repetition or writing me reports on honesty but NOTHING is working! I've explained the repercussions to her that when someone lies all the time, they are not considered trustworthy and people will begin to doubt everything that person says. I told her that her friends may even start to doubt what she says at times.

(sigh) I'm totally out of ideas! I would really appreciate any advice/suggestions.

Thanks for your Reply!

14 Replies |Watch This Discussion | Report This| Share this:Compulsive LyingI'm at my wits end with my 10-year old daughter. She lies constantly and not just about big things--- small things too. If I keep asking questions when things don't add up and only when she knows she's busted, she'll finally admit to it. She's very convincing when she's lying because she says it so matter-of-factly and initially when caught, she'll begin an Oscar-winning performance declaring her innocence.

I've tried so many things like taking away tv, phone and computer; adding extra chores, having her write sentences of repetition or writing me reports on honesty but NOTHING is working! I've explained the repercussions to her that when someone lies all the time, they are not considered trustworthy and people will begin to doubt everything that person says. I told her that her friends may even start to doubt what she says at times.

(sigh) I'm totally out of ideas! I would really appreciate any advice/suggestions.

Have you tried to get her to see a counselor or maybe a higher up (psychologist? therapist? i dunno what they're called) professional? The lying could be brought on by something that she's not comfortable talking to you or her friends or anyone about.

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Report This| Share this:Compulsive LyingHave you tried to get her to see a counselor or maybe a higher up (psychologist? therapist? i dunno what they're called) professional? The lying could be brought on by something that she's not comfortable talking to you or her friends or anyone about.

orchid1130 responded:

I know that school counselors are not the same thing as an outside therapist or psychologist but hers is really good and so I'm contemplating having her maybe see her school counselor. The only problem is if it's known at school that she lies a lot I wonder how it will affect her there. I have no doubt that this guidance counselor would keep this confidential but you never know. I think that it's maybe worth giving a try. Thanks for your input.

Thanks for your Reply!

Report This| Share this:Compulsive LyingI know that school counselors are not the same thing as an outside therapist or psychologist but hers is really good and so I'm contemplating having her maybe see her school counselor. The only problem is if it's known at school that she lies a lot I wonder how it will affect her there. I have no doubt that this guidance counselor would keep this confidential but you never know. I think that it's maybe worth giving a try. Thanks for your input.

CARDINALS97 responded:

I have the very same issue with my daughter and she is 9 yrs old. she will lie about the smallest things and is very convincing about them. we have done the same things you have done. We take away tv, having fun with friends. We add extra chores, writing sentences and nothing seems to get thru to her. We have also explained the repercussions from lying and nobody trusting what she says. If we asked her to do something and she comes to us and says she is done, we have to go check for ourselves to make sure. what can you do???? it is really sad when you tell your child you can't trust them because of all the lying she has done.
I would also like some ideas if anyone has any?????

Thanks for your Reply!

Report This| Share this:Compulsive LyingI have the very same issue with my daughter and she is 9 yrs old. she will lie about the smallest things and is very convincing about them. we have done the same things you have done. We take away tv, having fun with friends. We add extra chores, writing sentences and nothing seems to get thru to her. We have also explained the repercussions from lying and nobody trusting what she says. If we asked her to do something and she comes to us and says she is done, we have to go check for ourselves to make sure. what can you do???? it is really sad when you tell your child you can't trust them because of all the lying she has done.
I would also like some ideas if anyone has any?????

billnsue responded:

I have had the same experiences as both of you but my daughter is now 14 and still going strong on the lying. I tried the psychologist thing to no avail and I've come to the conclusion it is something she will have to work out for herself. I have told her all about the trust issues,and the situations that come up as a result of the lying but she has to make the decision not to lie any more which I hope she grows out of soon!

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Report This| Share this:Compulsive LyingI have had the same experiences as both of you but my daughter is now 14 and still going strong on the lying. I tried the psychologist thing to no avail and I've come to the conclusion it is something she will have to work out for herself. I have told her all about the trust issues,and the situations that come up as a result of the lying but she has to make the decision not to lie any more which I hope she grows out of soon!

tipertoo responded:

I too have the same experiences as all of you. My daughter is now 13. She has been lying since she was 7. We have done everything under the sun to try to help her see that it is wrong. Taking away her privileges worked for about one second. Then she just didn't seem to care that she doesn't get her phone, t.v. etc... We grounded her so much, she doesn't even seem to be affected by that any more either. She isn't a bad kid at all. It's just all the lying over all of the simplest things. I just don't want it to progress to other "bad habits". I am just "hoping" too that she will grow out of it??

Thanks for your Reply!

Report This| Share this:Compulsive LyingI too have the same experiences as all of you. My daughter is now 13. She has been lying since she was 7. We have done everything under the sun to try to help her see that it is wrong. Taking away her privileges worked for about one second. Then she just didn't seem to care that she doesn't get her phone, t.v. etc... We grounded her so much, she doesn't even seem to be affected by that any more either. She isn't a bad kid at all. It's just all the lying over all of the simplest things. I just don't want it to progress to other "bad habits". I am just "hoping" too that she will grow out of it??

ndavis1983 responded:

I have also had the same problem with my step daughter, she is 11. We have done everything you ladies have already posted but nothing works. I have come to the conclusion that she is gonna have to learn o n her own what lying does. She's really gonna need us to believe her one day and we aren't gonna be able to due to all of her lying now. It doesn't bother her at all. I'm at my wits end and have decided to let her learn on her own!

Thanks for your Reply!

Report This| Share this:Compulsive LyingI have also had the same problem with my step daughter, she is 11. We have done everything you ladies have already posted but nothing works. I have come to the conclusion that she is gonna have to learn o n her own what lying does. She's really gonna need us to believe her one day and we aren't gonna be able to due to all of her lying now. It doesn't bother her at all. I'm at my wits end and have decided to let her learn on her own!

rednewbie responded:

I have two kids, almost 15 and 19.. and I had a different approach to handling lying. As it was their mouth that did it, we punished them through the mouth.. No! we did not pop them or wash their mouth out with soap.. We made them eat something they hate!

My kids have always hated pickles.. Hated them.. So each time they lied they had to eat a pickle.. the more they got caught they more pickles they had to eat. With nothing to eat or drink after for 30 minutes. They can sit at the table as long as they want, but they can not leave before finishing. If they threw up, they can clean it up and start all over again. And they are informed they have lost our trust and checked everything for a week or so. Brushing teeth, doing homework, everything to let them understand why losing trusts mean.

If your kids like pickles mix mayo with hot sauce or something (ocra?). For us it works.. Or they are getting much better at lying and we don't know it!

Please do not use soap every to wash a kids mouth out.. For kids with peanut allergies this can be deadly.... coconut oil is used in soap..

Good Luck.. But know its a normal part of growing up. Not to be tolerated, but tried.
Gin

Thanks for your Reply!

Report This| Share this:Compulsive LyingI have two kids, almost 15 and 19.. and I had a different approach to handling lying. As it was their mouth that did it, we punished them through the mouth.. No! we did not pop them or wash their mouth out with soap.. We made them eat something they hate!

My kids have always hated pickles.. Hated them.. So each time they lied they had to eat a pickle.. the more they got caught they more pickles they had to eat. With nothing to eat or drink after for 30 minutes. They can sit at the table as long as they want, but they can not leave before finishing. If they threw up, they can clean it up and start all over again. And they are informed they have lost our trust and checked everything for a week or so. Brushing teeth, doing homework, everything to let them understand why losing trusts mean.

If your kids like pickles mix mayo with hot sauce or something (ocra?). For us it works.. Or they are getting much better at lying and we don't know it!

Please do not use soap every to wash a kids mouth out.. For kids with peanut allergies this can be deadly.... coconut oil is used in soap..

Good Luck.. But know its a normal part of growing up. Not to be tolerated, but tried.
Gin

Loel_Tabasa responded:

I agree with the post above me. She should be punished and not allowed to get away with it. Aside from washing her mouth and I know this is abhored in the Politically Correct world we live in (now kids are mostly brats) but how about spanking her? Yes, I do spank my kids. Not beat them up but spank them. A healthy dose of spanking will do wonders for a liar such as your child.

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Report This| Share this:Compulsive LyingI agree with the post above me. She should be punished and not allowed to get away with it. Aside from washing her mouth and I know this is abhored in the Politically Correct world we live in (now kids are mostly brats) but how about spanking her? Yes, I do spank my kids. Not beat them up but spank them. A healthy dose of spanking will do wonders for a liar such as your child.

fedupwithteens responded:

I'm at my wits end also. I don't know who to believe or how to get my children to tell the truth. My daughter is 17.. almost 18. She lies about the silliest things. Things people have said, things that happen at work, things her father has said to her... But it gets worse, she lies about what time she gets off work, who she's meeting in the parking lot after work (at 11 pm).. she has been in counseling for 2 yrs., but she just lies to the counselor. She tells my ex things that aren't true about me, she tells me things that aren't true about my ex.. she lies about her younger brothers actions.. It's making me crazy! I love my daughter and want to help her, but she's making my life a living hell. I can't trust her for a minute. She's too young for me to throw out of the house.. she has another year of high school left. I wish someone had an idea that could help me. I refuse to be manipulated any longer by her or her father!

Thanks for your Reply!

Report This| Share this:Compulsive LyingI'm at my wits end also. I don't know who to believe or how to get my children to tell the truth. My daughter is 17.. almost 18. She lies about the silliest things. Things people have said, things that happen at work, things her father has said to her... But it gets worse, she lies about what time she gets off work, who she's meeting in the parking lot after work (at 11 pm).. she has been in counseling for 2 yrs., but she just lies to the counselor. She tells my ex things that aren't true about me, she tells me things that aren't true about my ex.. she lies about her younger brothers actions.. It's making me crazy! I love my daughter and want to help her, but she's making my life a living hell. I can't trust her for a minute. She's too young for me to throw out of the house.. she has another year of high school left. I wish someone had an idea that could help me. I refuse to be manipulated any longer by her or her father!

PaMoore responded:

Honestly this is a big attention thing. She may feel as though it's the only way for attention or people her own age to like her. Yeah it's not the answer but she will learn on her own as she gets older and bits her in the butt. Also she probably lies more to cover up other lies and it's a never ending pile. As frustrating as it may be the must is to try to read throw her and let her find out the hard way.

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Report This| Share this:Compulsive LyingHonestly this is a big attention thing. She may feel as though it's the only way for attention or people her own age to like her. Yeah it's not the answer but she will learn on her own as she gets older and bits her in the butt. Also she probably lies more to cover up other lies and it's a never ending pile. As frustrating as it may be the must is to try to read throw her and let her find out the hard way.

momscreenname responded:

Part of your question stands out to me. You implied that you want to avoid involving the school because they might see your daughter as a liar. Your child's teacher and counselor are trained professionals with your daughter's best interests in mind. It sounds to me like you are inclined to be dishonest in order to "protect" your daughter from not appearing perfect. Why is it so important to you that the school think your daughter can do no wrong? Trust me, teachers see it all, and they know good and well that EVERY child has struggles. They respect and appreciate parents who come to them for help. If your daughter does lie often, then she will have to understand that trust is something she will lose and will have to earn again. You cannot keep protecting her from the consequences of her actions and expect her to change. Perhaps your daughter has anxiety about perfection, like you do. If the lying is as much as a problem as you say, then her teacher either already knows or needs to know so she can be part of the plan to help her. You must get the school on your daughter's team. I have been a teacher and I know that the absolute WORST thing you can do is try to hide a significant issue from your child's teacher. It makes her job more difficult, and and it makes her not trust YOU. I would go to the teacher first of all and ask her she has had problems with your daughter being dishonest. This is valuable information for you! Work with your school - they are there to help you!!!!!

Thanks for your Reply!

Report This| Share this:Compulsive LyingPart of your question stands out to me. You implied that you want to avoid involving the school because they might see your daughter as a liar. Your child's teacher and counselor are trained professionals with your daughter's best interests in mind. It sounds to me like you are inclined to be dishonest in order to "protect" your daughter from not appearing perfect. Why is it so important to you that the school think your daughter can do no wrong? Trust me, teachers see it all, and they know good and well that EVERY child has struggles. They respect and appreciate parents who come to them for help. If your daughter does lie often, then she will have to understand that trust is something she will lose and will have to earn again. You cannot keep protecting her from the consequences of her actions and expect her to change. Perhaps your daughter has anxiety about perfection, like you do. If the lying is as much as a problem as you say, then her teacher either already knows or needs to know so she can be part of the plan to help her. You must get the school on your daughter's team. I have been a teacher and I know that the absolute WORST thing you can do is try to hide a significant issue from your child's teacher. It makes her job more difficult, and and it makes her not trust YOU. I would go to the teacher first of all and ask her she has had problems with your daughter being dishonest. This is valuable information for you! Work with your school - they are there to help you!!!!!

All_is_One responded:

Have you considered the possibility that your child enjoys lying? Lying can be a form of manipulation, and manipulation is a powerfully addictive thing to use when you are good at it. Her form of lying seems to go beyond simply lying for fear of telling the truth. I'm not ragging on her but I'm giving a suggestion. If this is the case, then all you can do is love her even though she chooses to lie. Continue the discipline and definitely get help from outside sources, psychologists/psychiatrists, therapists, friends, family, etc. Again above all, love her, accept all of her, and continue guiding her as a parent should.

Blessings and good luck!

Thanks for your Reply!

Report This| Share this:Compulsive LyingHave you considered the possibility that your child enjoys lying? Lying can be a form of manipulation, and manipulation is a powerfully addictive thing to use when you are good at it. Her form of lying seems to go beyond simply lying for fear of telling the truth. I'm not ragging on her but I'm giving a suggestion. If this is the case, then all you can do is love her even though she chooses to lie. Continue the discipline and definitely get help from outside sources, psychologists/psychiatrists, therapists, friends, family, etc. Again above all, love her, accept all of her, and continue guiding her as a parent should.

Blessings and good luck!

Lost_Kitten13 responded:

my mom used to wash my mouth out with soap, she would either put a peice of solid soap in my mouth or liquid soap and it would taste horrible and i think i ended up swallowing the liquid soap before. I was in kindergarden when she used to do that. But it wasnt becuz i lied but just becuz i was being stubborn or wasnt listening...

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Report This| Share this:Compulsive Lyingmy mom used to wash my mouth out with soap, she would either put a peice of solid soap in my mouth or liquid soap and it would taste horrible and i think i ended up swallowing the liquid soap before. I was in kindergarden when she used to do that. But it wasnt becuz i lied but just becuz i was being stubborn or wasnt listening...

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