Your all-time favorite movie/TV narrator

I took my daughter to see “Oceans” the other day. It’s a Disney documentaryish look at life under the sea, and although I had prepared for endless questions about why that shark ate that seal, I was surprised and delighted that the film lived up to its G rating and that the usual oceanic carnage was left to a minimum. Don’t get me wrong, I love oceanic carnage, but I knew it would scare the kid, considering she freaked out at the cartoon leopard seal scenes in “Happy Feet.”

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“If I could turn back time, I’d be on that bike, listening to the wind and the sound of his voice.”

Sure, Oceans featured few scenes of great whites flying out of the waves and orcas beaching themselves to feed on seal puppies, but such is the way of the world, and besides, the movie was for the most part it was a relaxing and informative study of underwater life, perfect for small children who flinch at their own shadows.

But what struck me about halfway through was how much I enjoyed the narration. Pierce Brosnan has just about the perfect voice for this kind of work — lyrical, weighty, with just the right touch of humor when needed. I remembered that he also did the narration for a dolphin-themed documentary a few years ago, so I could see why the Disney folks would have him back.

I’m not sure if narration has an award category at the Oscars or the Emmys, but it definitely should. The right voice can make a film. The wrong voice can have you squirming. Take the planetarium show at the California Academy of Sciences, for instance. The first one featured Sigourney Weaver chatting up the planets — not a huge stretch for anyone who loved “Alien.” But after a year or so, they put up a different film, and this one was narrated by Whoopie Goldberg. She must have been having an off week. Sitting there, watching the stars overhead, it made me cringe to hear this voice that bubbled over with enthusiasm, as if she was speaking to a room full of toddlers. She got the audience completely wrong and it made watching the show almost painful. It occurred to me that narration wasn’t just some hack job you did to kill time in between takes on “The View.”

It also got me thinking about the voices I most enjoy listening to and the unheralded voices I would pay to hear.

Morgan Freeman comes to mind first. Anyone who’s watched “The Shawshank Redemption” can attest to the melodic quality of his voice. He really nailed “March of the Penguins,” I thought, adding just the perfect amount of timbre for the heavy parts and the perfect amount of humor for the penguin pratfalls. I can see why he’s Hollywood’s go-to guy for voice over and narration work.

Judi Dench did the voice-over for the Bugs film showed at the Academy until recently and I thought she was perfect, giving almost a regal quality to South American jungle creatures.

Idina Menzel. I don’t think she’s ever done any narration but listening to her in Wicked and watching her now in “Glee,” she just has this throaty voice that makes me think of sex. She could make a documentary about documentaries sound like a one-night stand.

But the voice I really want to hear narrate a show — any show — is Sam Elliott‘s. He’s been doing a bunch of Coors commercials lately and there was been more than one occasion when I’ve shushed the room just to hear him go on about hops and barley and clear, cool mountain spring water. It’s like he puts me in a trance. If anyone is making a documentary about saddles or chaps, Harley Davidsons or leather, they seriously need to give Sam Elliott a call. His lazy drawl straight out of the OK Corral is just made for this.