Earlier this week, Variety reported that One Direction’s resident bad boy (we should say ex-resident, can you believe it’s been nearly three years since the boy band called it quits?) Louis Tomlinson listed his Calabasas, California (home to Keeping Up with the Kardashians) mansion for a cool $13.999 million. Celebrities flip houses all the time, but damnnnn, Louie!—the photos of his digs are completely breathtaking. My guy must’ve hired a killer interior designer, because judging by his incredibly embarrassing tattoos, he’s got no eye for art. I digress.

Tomlinson’s home is no tiny townhouse: the building, which stretches over 9,659 square feet, has five bedrooms, eight bathrooms and two guesthouses. Variety informs me that it’s the “Santa Barbara Spanish-style main house features five fireplaces with tile accented carved limestone mantels” and “hand-hewn walnut wood floorboards.” I’m too poor to know what any of that means, but I do like to the look at pictures, and holy shit have you seen Tomlinson’s library? This is straight out of fan fiction site Wattpad, man:

Via Variety/THE AGENCY

Who do you think will purchase Tomlinson’s not-so-humble abode? And where do you think he’s living now? I’m sure some forever-loyal Directioners know (please, don’t publish his address, that’s rude) but I’m impressed with LT. He’s clearly living well, even after the breakup.