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Monday, August 6, 2012

Oh I am so not well. I have a migraine and I didn't sleep last night thinking about all the signs that led up to tomorrows two year anniversary. What was cheater doing? Sleeping. Oh I don't worry I kicked him, threw his sheets off him and made him get up with the kids. I also told him how I've realized some thing about marriage... When you get married, you trust someone with your life. You should NEVER trust anyone with your life.

It's bad enough when your parents treat you like crap.. You have no control over that. It's another thing when you choose the person that ends up treating you like crap.

Last night was the first time I ever felt like doing something to the mistress. Like posting her nude pictures on the Internet. I thought about doing a whole blog with her name as the title. Wouldn't that be oh so nice for her, her family and friends to see someday. Or an employer when they search for her....

It's lucky for her that I have a conscious and I know right from wrong. It's a good thing alright....

Saturday, August 4, 2012

For the past three weeks, I've been really restless, irritable, and unable to focus. My daughter is going into the first grade next week and she's been sick, so I thought that was what it was...

While it's distressing, I just knew that wasn't it. My husband was trying to help me figure out what it was, and then he said "Is it because we closed on the house this month two years ago?"

No...that's not what it was, but what it is that this was the month of D-Day. Actually, August 7th was when I stepped into the hotel with the kids behind me. It was the month that my world came crashing down.

On August 14th, I discovered the 4000 emails between them confessing their undying love for one another.

After I realized what was going on in my subconscious, I cried...I cried hard for a long time. My husband wanted to hold me, but I didn't want him to hold me.

Why would I want the person who caused me so much pain to console me? And why would I want someone who wrapped his arms around someone else to wrap his arms around me when I was feeling so vulnerable.

I was perfectly fine in my own private hell. The hell of going through the images of D-Day in my mind. Crying for my pain to end. Crying for the loss of the innocence of my marriage.

This whole infidelity thing sucks... it sucks so bad. And I know why people leave... I know.