birds

The day we got Apple…
Dear Dog People of America,
I am writing to you today in an effort to merge our two worlds: the world of
people that cry during animal rescue commercials, and the world of people that do not cry during animal rescue commercials. I fall in to the please keep reading so you don’t hate me category…
You see much like Elsa, I’ve spent most of my life in the icy world of Arendelle where it is eternal winter and dogs are not allowed… In my heart. Well, I mean, they’re allowed, but because it’s so cold, they’re just not welcome.
The only pet I ever had was a black cat ...Read More

Last weekend, a friend of mine told me that as a parting gift at a child’s birthday party, her 2 year-old son was given a goldfish. I had 3 responses, consecutively:
#1) Are you fucking serious?!
#2) Wow. That’s cool.
#3) Did they give you a bowl?
No… she said. They did not. No bowl. They just handed her a fish IN A BAG, and said thanks for coming. That was it. I tried to spin it in my mind… Perhaps that was a clever and cool alternative to Silly Bandz, candy, or some chatchke from Oriental Trading Company (seriously, spare me the junk people). But I never was really able to decide how ...Read More