Once Upon a Time Recap: Season 2, Episode 19, “Lacey”

Gold got your tongue? In our recap of this week’s long-anticipated Once Upon a Time (Season 2, Episode 19: “Lacey”), Belle gets down with her bad self, Hook is fit to be tied, and Rumple has a harsh way of dealing with shoplifters.

A Matchbook Made in Heaven

Following an ominous nightmare in which Gold shatters a ceramic Henry (don’t you hate when your grandpa turns you into ceramics?), Regina is shocked to learn from Gold that Neal is indeed Henry’s father. However, Gold ensures her that it’s a coincidence. Uh, whatever you say, Gold.

It was a bumpy night for all of you Rumbelle shippers (you know you ship them — just admit it). Granted, things start off swimmingly, as Belle remembers Gold having healed her, and then they hold hands. Swoon!

But then things go south in a jiff as Regina decides to cause a little matchbook trouble. A glance at a matchbook from The Rabbit Hole (gotta love the fairy tale references), Belle suddenly reverts to her cursed self: A party girl named Lacey who likes shooting pool and making out with strangers in alleyways. In other words, she’s a girl after our own hearts. (Just kidding. Kinda.)

David and Snow take Emma out for a drive, where they reveal the hidden magic bean crops. Snow and David both want Emma to join them back in Fairytale Land when the beans are ready, but Emma is still convinced she belongs in Storybrooke. Plus, packing for a big trip is always such a chore, isn't it?

Gold realizes he can regain Belle’s memories with true love’s kiss, but he needs some encouragement. So in exchange for a favor, David tells Gold to remind Belle of the man she fell in love with. Wait — all David had to say in order to get a favor was that you’ll find love if you act like yourself? That’s the kind of advice you can get from a fortune cookie.

Gold takes Lacey out for dinner at Granny’s — easy there, big spender — but she realizes he’s not nearly as dangerous as his reputation makes him seem. When he accidentally spills wine on her, she takes it as a cue to exit. And here we just assumed she was busy looking for some club soda to take that wine stain out.

This Is Much Better Than Beer

Gold finds Lacey getting better acquainted with a dude from the bar — who happens to be the Sheriff of Nottingham in Fairytale Land — which Gold isn’t thrilled about, to say the least. Soon, Lacey spots Gold removing the sheriff’s tongue and beating him within an inch of his life, and she is immediately turned on. Translation: Girl’s got some issues.

Meanwhile, Regina gets tipped off that Emma knows something about Henry possibly leaving town. Sure enough, Regina stumbles upon the hidden bean stalks. Needless to say, we don’t think Regina is going to just give the plants a little water and pretend she didn’t see anything.

And finally, Greg and Tamara apparently own a Coors truck for some reason — because maybe they distribute mediocre beer in their spare time? Regardless, they have Hook all tied up inside the truck. Come to think of it, seeing Hook tied up reminds us of a dream we’ve had — but it’s best if we don’t get into details. Trust us.

In this week’s Fairytale Land flashback, we meet Robin Hood, who we must say is not quite as badass as we were hoping he’d be. He gets Rumple in a huff when he tries to steal a wand, and so Rumple locks him in prison and threatens to skin him alive. Seems like a fair trade-off, right?

Belle believes that Robin has good intentions, so she sets him free. Rumple is furious and — thanks to Sheriff of Nottingham, whose special lady was stolen by Robin — finds him in the woods. Rumple’s about to shoot Robin, but when they realize Robin stole the wand to cure a pregnant Maid Marian, Rumple instead fires an errant arrow. You’re such a softie, Rumple!

Rumple and Belle head back to his pad, where Rumple unveils a room full of books that he wants Belle to dust. Sure, Belle is excited to have access to all these books, but if it were us, we’d be like, “Uh, can’t you just put these all on a Kindle? Because a Kindle is a lot easier to dust.”

Three Biggest Mysteries of the Night

— We learn that Greg and Tamara’s “package” is actually Captain Hook. (Maybe we shouldn’t use the words “Captain Hook” and “package” in the same sentence — it might get us a little too hot and bothered.) So what do they want with the man and his guyliner?

— What will Regina do now that she knows about the bean plants? And why is everyone so bad at hiding things on this show?

— So does this mean Rumbelle is finally getting back together? But do we really want them together if Belle is going to be her “Lacey” self for much longer? This isn’t exactly the Rumbelle that we fell in love with. Then again, it’s nice to see that Lacey fills her wine glass as close to the brim as we fill ours.