I have some secrets to tell you. They are about how to attract a partner you really want. They are fool-proof—they work every time and under any circumstance. Integrate these truths into your dating life and your matches will be showing up on your door step.

Before we begin, let’s set some things straight about the dating world. A lot of dating advice will tell you to play games in order to attract a partner—pull him in, string her out. Don’t call for 72 hours and never give it up on the first date. Holy smokes, no wonder we are all untrusting and heartbroken!

Listen, you can do all this game-playing stuff, but it’s never going to lead you where you really want to go. If you are actually looking for something real—a relationship that feels really good and that has the potential to last—then here are a few pointers on how to make it happen:

1) Be who you want to be with. That’s it. Like attracts like. If you are manipulating, playing games, not being honest, or trying to uphold power over someone else, guess what? They are going to do the same things to you! If you want to feel manipulated, then by all means, manipulate away! But if you are looking for an honest relationship, then be honest. If you want a generous partner, then you have to be generous. If you want love, then you have be loving. It’s a simple equation! Make your list of what you want and embody those qualities, stat!

2) Authenticity! The real you is the most attractive you. We often put a ton of effort towards altering and changing ourselves to try and be what we think others want us to be. Actually, what other people want you to be is YOU. Covering yourself up (changing, altering, pretending) ALWAYS weakens attraction. Keep this in mind—the hottest you is the real you. Plus, if you start out dating someone as an altered-version of yourself, then it’s a set-up for a bad match (because they aren’t really dating YOU!). To find your true match, you have to be the true you.

3) You complete yourself. It feels really good to be in partnership and to experience love with another human being. Don’t get me wrong, I know the truth in that. But, you have to recognize that no other person has the power to complete you—that is something you do for yourself by having a deeper connection to your Soul. When we enter relationships under the premise that we need another person, not only does it put a ton of pressure on your partner (it might be unspoken, but it will be felt), but it also sets you up for failure (because he or she will never complete you). YOU COMPLETE YOURSELF. You have to really embody this truth in order to also feel it within your relationships. If you don't, your relationships are going to fall flat.

4) Be happy. Is this obvious? I hope so. But if not, let’s talk about it. I’m not talking about fake-happy; I'm talking about the real-deal. If you aren’t happy, then again, no man or woman is going to make you happy. You have to cultivate happiness from within. When you are happy everyone wants to be around you! Why? Because it feels good to be around happy people! Happiness = magnetism. Think about it. Do you want to hang out with sad people? No. Not fun. Do you want to hang out with people who are alive and interested and excited and joyful? Of course you do! So embody your joyful self and watch people swarm to you!

5) Everybody is a Big Deal. This is actually true. We all have potential for greatness within us. And while it is very important that you are connected to your own greatness, it is also important that you are connected to your potential-partner’s greatness too. See the things that are awesome about this person. What are their strengths? Who are they? What are they all about? The more you can see the unique greatness that is within all of us (instead of judging people for what they lack), the more amazing people are going to be in your life. It's an automatic win, win!

I could go on and on for days, but I wrap it up with this, which is the essence of the whole thing: THE FOUNDATION OF ALL RELATIONSHIPS IS THE RELATIONSHIP YOU HAVE WITH YOURSELF. How you treat yourself, how you feel about yourself, and how you act yourself are all going to be reflected back to you by your potential partners. So, the real secret is: cultivate a ton of love from within and you are going to feel and find love sprout up all around you. Enjoy the process of dating; feel grateful that you get to meet new people and that they get to meet you. It's true—you all are a big deal.

Shelly Bullard

Shelly Bullard, MFT is a Marriage and Family Therapist, Love Coach and Spiritual Teacher. She's the author of the eBook: How to Become the Most Attractive Version of Yourself which she offers for FREE (click here to receive your free copy). She's also the instructor of the popular mbg courses: How To Become The Most Attractive Version of Yourself &amp; How to Attract a Partner Who's Ready for Deep, Devoted Love.
Shelly believes that when you access the experience of Love within yourself, your relationships become deeply fulfilling and you become the person you’re meant to be. She was named the “Love Guru” as one of the 100 Women to Watch in Wellness by mindbodygreen, and her deepest passion is living and practicing love and relationships as a spiritual path. To learn more about how she can help you create more love in your life, visit her at: shellybullard.com.