I'm actually still a bit surprised at having been chosen. After all, compared to some of the more colorful personalities we have on these boards (including the three that have already been interviewed), I'm as plain and boring as Trioculus when he's trying to be poetic. But hey, if it's a "save the best for last" kind of thing, I'm more than happy to be your sub-par opening act.

1. Time for the username question! Why did you choose it? Has it always been your username, or did you go by a different one in the past?

Can I be honest?

I hate my username.

I just can't leave it.

It's a textbook case of Stockholm syndrome. I'm completely aware the name makes me sound like a beer chugging yoloer. But I've had it for so long, and it used it for so many things, that I wouldn't want to start the process of having to remember different usernames. Besides, I'm not sure what I'd even name myself. Ken_The_Jedi_Prince_4Ever?

But I might as tell how I came into its captivity. Like most of our bad decisions, it happened at age 13. The original Xbox had been out for a few years by this point, and I still hadn't been able to try this "online gaming" thing I kept hearing about out (I still had dial up). See, in my adolescent mind, I had built online gaming up to be the best thing ever. I had this vision of a community of pleasant, level headed people playing cooperatively, favoring teamwork and generally looking for ways to have fun instead of aggressively finding new ways to be an ass. Oh man was I wrong.

But anyway, I figured that if I was going to enter this wonderland, I needed a name that would strike fear in the hearts of the superstitious and cowardly lot. Since I thought I'd be playing a lot of shooters, it only made sense that I would choose something that would fit games like Halo 2 and Counterstrike. Eventually, I settled on what I thought was exceedingly clever at the time, "instantdeath". By this point I didn't use the internet, so whenever I made an online account, "instantdeath" is still my default, even though it took me three days tops to realize that online gaming, to me at least, was mostly aimless and very boring.

So yeah, I admit to involuntarily grumbling anytime I see my name in the "recently posted" list. But hey, I guess it gives me the opportunity to surprise people, when I reveal that I don't have testosterone where my blood should be.

2. Where are you originally from? Are you currently living there, or did you move elsewhere?

Unfortunately, I'm currently living only a few hours away from where I was born. Near the center of the enlightened Bible Belt. Chattanooga, Tennessee.

The South has... not been kind to me over the years. Or maybe I haven't been kind to it.

I still remember, when we were learning about the Civil War as kids, how I'd look down on the South. After all, if there's one default "enemy" when it comes to post-Civil War American History, especially when it comes to Civil Rights, it's the South, and that's hard to deny even in a Southern school. Even as a kid I picked up on common Southern stereotypes, and either through self-hating denial or through plain ignorance, I came to believe I lived in the North. Honestly, when my parents told me I lived in the South, that came as a bigger shock than the Santa bomb ever did (though I had figured out Santa didn't exist years before my parents finally got around to telling me).

When I was about nine years old, I began to notice a bit of Southern dialect entering my own speech. This, wrongfully or not, horrified me. I was a slacker at that age, but when I put my mind to something, I did it. So I spent time every day working on my speech, working to remove any trace of an accent. And surprisingly, it worked. I'm constantly asked where I'm from. Anyone who say's you can't change your accent doesn't have the unreasonable self-consciousness of an adolescent.

I also, of course, ran into many problems with our "Bible Belt" status over the years. I won't get into them, for fear of offending anyone here, but suffice it to say I stopped believing in God at age 11, and that caused some huge problems with my school and my parents (have you ever been accused of being the antichrist? I have ) , since I was often too stubborn and/or stupid to keep my mouth shut on the subject. By high school I had embraced it, however, and just kinda laughed off the person I got every once in awhile asking me I was a Satanist (usually I'd say yes, just to watch their reactions. Was way funnier than it had any right to be. I can tell you firsthand that there's nothing quite like being looked at as if that person believes you might bring them death any moment). Of course, to this day I think I was kicked off the football team because my coach had heard about me and was uncomfortable, thinking I'd get them cursed or something (very superstitious, he was). I didn't mind, though, since I thought football was boring and only played because my dad loved it.

It is interesting, though, just how wide-reaching Southern stereotypes and Southern shame reaches, to be able to infect one of its own children without the aid of the internet. Maybe it was those cartoons I watched as a kid? I remember Sandy from Spongebob annoyed the hell out of me. I know I still talk to people online who believe no one in the South can afford shoes, and that we're all farmers. Who knows, maybe we deserve it

I don't want to come off as I'm insulting the South and all its people, if anyone else is from there. I don't want to downplay the fact that I've met some very, very good people here. For every person I hear using the N-word casually as if it never occurred to them how much of a douche they are, I know another who actually lives in the 21st century. For every person I overhear complaining about those "god damned Muslims", I know another who would roll their eyes at something like that. And while I do run into that thing much more often than I'd like, I'm sure it happens (if perhaps in less frequency) in other parts of the country.

I won't deny that I feel like a total fish out of water here, and am anxious to leave (have already made that first step). I can't pretend that I enjoyed growing up there. But it could have been so, so much worse, and for that I'm grateful.

3. What do you do for a living?

Why, I'm a professional leech on societies resources, of course. And by that I mean I'm a student. Currently majoring in English (yes, yes, I know). I also have a part time job working at a Guitar Center, which is way more cool than any soul crushing part time job has any right to be.

@instantdeath : I was born and raised in North Carolina, except for a brief stint in DC when my Dad was on active duty and stationed at Coast Guard headquarters. Without getting too much into it I'll just say that I hear you, the stereotypes are downright embarrassing especially given how many of them we've earned. I've learned to make fun of myself over the years, including but not limited to my origins. I told you people to stop deducting 100 IQ points every time you hear me talk, even though I know you don't want your librarian talking this way. The Blue Collar Comedy Tour comedians have helped, by pointing out everything that is wrong with us in the most hilarious way possible.

Leave our food alone though; we've been contributing to the obesity epidemic and looking gross to outsiders for 200 years but damn, it tastes good.

instantdeath, if it makes you feel better, one of my friends used the counterstrike handle "headshot ^_^" which I feel completely undermines the impact of trying to have a fearsome name... although I suppose the cartoonishness is sort of mocking.

@instantdeath -- that response was LOL worthy. And out of curiosity -- since you work at a guitar shop, have you ever played (or are currently playing) in a band?

Edit: ooops sorry PG -- I just remembered you don't like questions in your interview. Could that be considered er, addendum question #3a?

Before the iron hand of PG strikes down...

Yes, I've been in several. Pretty much throughout my entire teenager years, I had what my mom liked to insist was an unhealthy obsession with music. I had this very completionist attitude to it; I wanted to hear every noteworthy album or composition, be it classical, rock, heavy metal, electronica, jazz, hip-hop, avant-garde, and on and on and on. To say I took music seriously was an understatement, and I brought that to writing music as well. At one point it seemed like I'd be starting a new project every other week, either just with myself, with my brother, with my friends, or with any random person I could find. Not many of them lasted long, though, because I had a tendency to be a perfectionist, and while my friends and I had tons of fun covering other songs, they didn't have as much fun writing them with me

I did write several thousand songs, and got quite a few good recordings, but I've eased up on that considerably in the past few years. I still have some friends I play with every now and then, but it's nothing serious. Though my teenage self would impale me for saying this, my main ambition has shifted from music to writing.

I think the biggest thing those years taught me, something that can be applied to practically anything, is that there's no such thing as a bad genre, only bad execution. Whether in writing or in music, I've always felt people who say they hate an entire genre are just the people who haven't given that genre a chance. The one exception to this musically might be crunkcore, which isn't so much a genre as it is a deadly virus. The most important thing I took away from that is, in the right hands, any genre can be well done, and more importantly, it's really helpful in songwriting to be able to accurately pinpoint what you like about different genres and use them to your advantage. And of course that works for writing too; "there are no bad ideas, just bad writers" yada yada yada.