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End of year. Time to reflect and take stock. Time to recharge and reset.

What single work-related event or experience stood out for you in 2017? A colleague posed that question at a recent holiday party. I could have mentioned any number of challenging files I mediated, the thought-provoking programs I attended or the many interesting personalities I encountered through my work.

Many months before, I had received an email from Nathalie Gondek, a second-year law student and Student Coordinator of its Dispute Resolution Centre (DRC). Nathalie explained in her note that every year the DRC hosts a series of speaker events on alternative dispute resolution (ADR) to enable students to gain a practitioner's perspective and, due to my expertise in mediation, they were hoping I’d agree to speak at their Spring Lunch and Learn about my more interesting mediation experiences, particularly in the field of complex commercial disputes.

March in London, Ontario? I imagined driving through white outs and snow drifts along the 401.

A quick search of the law school’s website provided the following information about the DRC:

Established in 1993 by two law school professors to provide training to student mediators and free mediation services for the London-Middlesex County

Eight trained student interns assist two coordinators with mediations and other programming

Intern positions are filled through a competitive application process in the fall of each year

In partnership with local youth and employment groups, the DRC delivers conflict resolution training workshops

In 2014, the DRC launched the 810 Court Project, with DRC interns attending the London courthouse to offer mediation as an alternative to parties seeking or defending peace bonds

In 2016, the internship program was expanded to include training and community practice in negotiation on behalf of clients, making it the most intensive ADR clinic offered by an Ontario law school

This was a program with a robust history making a meaningful contribution to the London community. I was intrigued. I relished the opportunity to share my passion for ADR with a group of law students. I accepted the invitation.

I’m a Western Law grad (BA, 1982; LL.B., 1985) and it had been years since I’d been back to campus. Aside from a work-related visit to London in 2015, where I didn’t have time to visit the law school, it had probably been 25 years since I last visited the law school. So, fittingly, I treated the visit as a proper pilgrimage. I took the train and eschewed a cab for my feet for the 5.5 kilometer distance from the station to the law school, savouring old haunts along Richmond Street (The Ceeps, Joe Kools) and taking in old and new buildings on campus, all sharing the distinctive limestone construction that defines Western’s look.

I made my way to the DRC office located in a new wing of the law school where I was greeted by Nathalie and the program’s Assistant Student Coordinator, Craig Gilchrist, and introduced to Co-Directors, Margaret Capes and Doug Ferguson. After lunch at a campus pub, generously covered by my hosts, it was time for my presentation.

The many promotional posters plastered around the school left no doubt that my presentation would be delivered in Room 51. The last time I was in Room 51 was to write my labour law final in 1985.

The questions from the students kept me on my toes, ranging from the challenges of dealing with self-represented litigants, to managing power imbalances to the state of mandatory mediation under the Ontario Mandatory Mediation Program. But, one student’s questions gave me pause: “What aspects of your law school experience inspired you to pursue a career in ADR?” And then, the clincher: “What courses in ADR were offered back then?”

My inner voice spoke to me: There was nothing about my law school experience that prepared me or led me towards a career in ADR. I took a moment to gather myself. And then, I described the law school learning landscape that I was exposed to in the early to mid-1980’s, which certainly didn’t include any mention of “interest-based negotiation,” “Alternative Dispute Resolution” and “ADR”. There were no courses offered in “mediation” and no clinical opportunities to conduct mediation. The closest reference to ADR that I could recall were the large number of Western law professors who served as labour arbitrators to supplement their income. That was it! I explained that my interest in ADR grew organically out of my early days as a litigation lawyer and my disillusionment with the adversarial civil litigation system, particularly its costly, inefficient and uncertain outcomes, and a commitment to helping clients find solutions to their disputes that were cost-effective, timely and responsive to their interests. There was silence. On one hand, I felt much like a pioneering explorer; on the other hand, I felt old.

I took my first 40 hour courses in mediation in 1994 and I began mediating before the year was out. Back then the field of ADR felt new, fresh and wide open. There were few of us in Ontario who dared to embark on a career in the field, offering training, consulting and mediation services. But, for those of us that had the passion, vision and determination, this was the start of a new movement and these were exciting times.

More than 20 years later, hardly a week goes by without an inquiry about how to go about starting a mediation practice. I take the time to respond to each inquiry, often over coffee. I am thrilled with the growth of the field of ADR, and mediation in particular, and I am happy to share my experience, interest and passion in the same way that a few others did with me when I was finding my way in the field.

I was recently interviewed by Advocate Daily to share my thoughts and tips on starting a mediation practice. While I acknowledge in the article that the field is now crowded, I’m optimistic that opportunities abound for the passionate and creative.

Why the optimism? Two things: ADR is now part of our everyday lexicon and today’s youth are being immersed in its principles and values. We talk naturally about “interests” when we negotiate and most of us strive for “win/win” solutions to our disputes. Our kids are growing up in a world that has embraced the vocabulary of collaborative problem solving. My teenage kids are being taught “conflict resolution skills” in school and entire schools take “mindful moment” breaks together to get centred, present and in-tune with their feelings and needs and those of their peers. Many Canadian institutions of higher learning offer training and academic programs in negotiation and dispute resolution, from continuing education programs at local community colleges (see, for example, Seneca College, Durham College and Centennial College) and universities (see, for example, York University, University of Toronto and University of Waterloo), to masters programs in conflict management (Royal Roads University) and ADR (Osgoode Hall), to a multitude of options in Ontario law schools ranging from specialized options (University of Ottawa and Osgoode Hall) and electives in ADR (Queens University), to grass roots student clubs (University of Toronto) and mediation clinics that serve the community (Osgoode Hall and Western University).

As one year closes and another opens, it is my pleasure and practice to make a charitable donation in honour of clients, colleagues and friends. This year I have expanded the net and made a generous donation to Western Law School, to be applied towards ADR related initiatives, to honour the next generation of mediators and dispute resolvers.

Happy New Year!

* With a nod to the seminal song by The Who (copyright 1965), written by Pete Townshend as a tribute to the Mods, a fashion trend-sending and rebellious British youth movement that started in London, England in 1958.

​This past July my wife and I had the opportunity to hike a portion of the Camino de Santiago in Spain. For eight days we walked an average of 25 km per day in 40-degree Celsius heat. While the experience was physically challenging, it was spiritually rejuvenating and rewarding.

On our way out of Torres Del Rio we passed a rock garden where fellow “perigrinos” (“perigrino” is the Spanish word for “pilgrim”) had left messages on scraps of paper wedged under stones. One note caught my attention: “In the moment, take a moment.”

Disconnected from work, my iPhone and the frenetic pace of Toronto, I was immersed fully in the moment.

I have written in the past about how “being present” (or, in the moment) is the single-most important ingredient I bring to a mediation. Pre-mediation planning and a thorough review of the parties’ materials should be central to every mediator’s preparation. What separates good mediators from the great ones is the ability to be fully engaged, focused, connected and responsive to the fluid needs of the participants. Accomplishing that requires mindfulness.

In this piece, I explore what it means to be mindful and the important role it plays in my mediation practice.

WHAT MINDFULNESS LOOKS LIKE

Jon Kabat-Zinndefines mindfulness as “[…] awareness that arises through paying attention, on purpose, in the present moment and non-judgementally.”

Umbreit and Armour suggest that mediators need to “clean away the clutter” from their minds before they can listen and connect fully. Joel Lee, a law professor at the University of Singapore, suggests in his article, Mindfulness and Mediation, that parties can sense when a mediator is emotionally unbalanced or stressed.

Mediators are no different than anyone else. We struggle with managing work/life balance. But, when parties arrive at mediation they deserve and expect a mediator who is fully attentive and focused on their needs.

When I lose my “centre”, I try to take time out to reflect, recharge and re-set so I’m equipped to deliver my best self at the mediation table. A brisk walk, a favourite yoga pose or meditative deep breathing help bring me back to my centre.

Being connected to one’s governing values, beliefs and highest purpose

During my time as a litigator, I often thought that my best qualities were underutilized. While I enjoyed the challenge of being an advocate, I had discovered that my problem solving skills and passion for helping others through conflict was the perfect fit for mediation practice.

A common trait amongst mediators is a commitment to helping others and making the world a better place, one dispute at a time. The fulfillment I derive from empowering those in conflict to work towards resolution energizes and sustains me and I strive to bring that positive energy and authenticity to every mediation process I manage.

Making contact with the humanity of the participants

The late Dr. Stephen Covey, author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, once wrote, “[…] most people listen with the intent to reply, not to understand.” However, in order to “deeply understand another human being,” Covey suggests we must “seek first to understand, then to be understood.”

The mindful mediator values the power of active and empathetic listening to establish a human connection with the participants. It is only through establishing this connection that the mediator can gain the participants’ trust and acquire insight into and a deeper understanding of their hopes and concerns arising out of the conflict.

Being congruent

Umbreit and Armour define “congruence” as being emotionally honest with yourself so “there is a consistency in your words, feelings, body and facial expressions and actions.” Consistency can only be achieved when your ideal self is congruent with your actual behaviour. A mediator who promotes the importance of active listening but doesn’t model that behaviour through their own actions is not practicing mindfully.

IN THE MOMENT, TAKE A MOMENT

Jumping from moment to moment has become the new normal. The most popular apps on our phones are those that let us scroll through snapshots of moments quickly and without much thought. But, can we truly be in the moment if we allow ourselves to be distracted by the incessant beeps and buzzes of cell phones and competing priorities?

My experience on the Camino reminded me of the importance of dialing back and experiencing each moment – both as a means of recharging and recalibrating and as the basis for affirming that a commitment to mindfulness rests at the core of my mediation practice. I don’t have it all figured out yet, but I continue to mindfully work at it.

Have you experienced the feeling of being so caught up and engrossed in a task that you’re not thinking about what you're doing and everything else seems to fade away? It’s in moments like these that time appears to stand still and becomes irrelevant. If you’ve experienced this sensation while playing a sport, an instrument or, if you’re lucky, at work, there’s nothing quite like it.

While conducting research at the University of Chicago, Professor Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi coined the term “flow” to describe this state. Flow can be described as “the state where we feel in command of what we do, do it effortlessly, and perform at our best.” Being absorbed in this state not only feels great, but it helps us work at our peak ability. But flow can only be achieved once we become unconsciously competent at a task, no longer having to think about the steps or process involved in completing it. Like a pianist sitting down to play a piece perfectly from memory, flow can only be reached with dedication and practice over time.

Daniel Goleman, psychologist, blogger, and author of the bestseller Emotional Intelligence, recently wrote a post about achieving flow at work. Reaching a state of flow at work can be understandably challenging, with distractions, repetitiveness or unfulfilling tasks breaking focus. But, if we are able to find flow in the workplace, even some of the time, we are more likely to be productive and satisfied.

Goleman suggests three pathways by which you can achieve flow while working:​

Match your tasks to your skillset

Find work that you love

Fully concentrate and focus on the task at hand

As Goleman points out, the first two pathways, finding meaningful and challenging work, involve external factors. The third pathway, however, challenges internal focus and inner strength to remain absorbed in the task. This is increasingly difficult in the workplace where disruptions, such as buzzing phones and email notifications can fill our days. But Goleman suggests that strong focus can lead to flow, no matter what the task is. He recommends techniques such as mindfulness and “focusing on the breath” to strengthen our ability to focus at work.

I am continually striving to find flow, and to remain present and focused in all aspects of my life. Gratefully, I find myself most engaged and comfortable when I'm mediating. With dedication, practice and love for what I do, I feel competent and at ease during the mediation process. Even during challenging and stressful moments, being immersed and absorbed enables me to effectively flow with the process, adapt to the needs of the parties and apply just the right tool or technique to move us forward. Now if I could only bottle that feeling and apply it to everything I do, I'd really be on to something!

A year ago, I wrote about the importance of being present. The ability to remain focused and absorbed in the moment takes practice, and some days it comes more easily than on others. With a new year upon us, staying present and finding flow is something I have recommitted to working on. So, whether you want to increase your focus at work, or elsewhere, I hope you will join me – not to go with the flow, but to find it and run with it.

After reading a great piece by author and emotional intelligence guru Travis Bradberry, titled ??How Successful Pe?ople Quash Stress??, it occurred to me that, generally, advice articles can be placed into ‘DO’ and ‘DO NOT’ categories. Applying these categories, Bradberry’s takeaways could be summarized in the following way:
?

DO

Say ‘No’ when you need to
Appreciate what you have
Detach from work-related communication
Get enough sleep
Exercise
Practice mindfulness

DO NOT

Focus on what could have happened
Consume too much caffeine
Hold grudges
Fight for every issue
Engage in negative self-talk

These lists provide insight on how to control our impulses and act with intention – while we may be drawn towards that second cup of coffee or get wrapped up in an office feud, we can help ourselves by focusing on cultivating good habits and striving for wellness.

On the topic of impulse and intention, author and pastor Andy Stanley has developed an approach that builds on the ideas discussed by Bradberry and helps us go beyond categorizing behaviours under DO or DO NOT labels. In his book,The Principle of the Path, he discusses the concepts ofattention,direction, anddestinationand their application in many areas of life. His premise:Your attention determines your direction, and your direction determines yourdestination.

ATTENT?ION

Stanley maintains that we divide our attention in two ways: our attention is grabbed or captivated by somethingorwe gi?ve or pay attention. In other words, we either let our attention be guided by impulse or we direct it intentionally. Consider the two col?umns above from Bradberry’s article. Re-categorized using Stanley’s concepts, they might look like this:

The idea that attention determines direction is nothing new, it’s why we warn kids to watch where they’re going, or tell drivers (not always so gently) to focus on the road. We know that where the eyes go, the feet will follow.

Stanley continuously makes this seemingly obvious (yet easy to ignore) point: your direction, or your path, determines your destination. If you want to be fit, but you never exercise and ‘treat yourself’ daily, you won’t get fit. We can’t expect the results we desire if we don’t follow a path that will lead us there.

DESTINATION

Our life is full of destinations. What do we want to get done today? Where do we want to be in five years? What do we want written on our tombstone? Whether our destination goals are tangible (financial savings, adventure travel, early retirement) or intangible (great relationships, career expertise, spiritual fulfillment), it’s important to think about what they are, and how to get there.

FINDING THE PATH

Leaning on Bradberry’s article one last time, we can think about reduced stress as a destination. Most of the DO and DO NOT advice he offers is not surprising – we can see what we should focus our attention on, what we should steer our attention away from, and how those choices will lead to stress reduction. Given this path, we can check in with ourselves whenever we feel an impulse and ask: Will this lead me to where I need to be?

Stanley’s advice boils down to this thought: The small things matter. Maintaining attention matters. Intentionality matters. If we want to get to our d?esired destinations, we need to be aware of how we divide our attention, and how that guides our direction. Every time we lose our attention (when our intention is to give it somewhere else), we delay getting to our destination. In other words, take the path that leads you where you want to go.

One day a couple of weeks ago, I conducted a 7-hour mediation, zipped into my office for an hour, and then picked up my son from home before driving through the snow to his hockey game. I sat down on the couch at the end of the day at almost midnight. This is one of many such examples where the day seems to be spent travelling from one place to the next until, before I know it, it's over. Sound familiar?

I love my work, my family, this Canadian weather and, of course, hockey, but with all the rushing around in life, being present and in the moment is becoming more and more challenging. At times like these, I need to remind myself to stop looking ahead to the next thing, and keep my feet firmly planted in the here and now.

﻿﻿Being present is one of the themes I talk about in mediation – the acute awareness of being physically and mentally present, connected, and open to movement and persuasion. I find that parties that are able to commit themselves to being focused on only the issues at hand will have better and more satisfying outcomes than those who excuse themselves for a quick call or spend the mediation cranking out unrelated emails.﻿﻿

﻿Don’t get me wrong – remaining present is a constant struggle as I try to balance professional obligations, family, friends, and my health, but that doesn’t mean I stop trying. Here are a few tips I employ to help me stay present:

Don’t Fear Full: It could be that there are some things in your life that you should shed, but don’t think you need to do less to be present. A full schedule that can sometimes feel overwhelming is also a smorgasbord of experiences and opportunities. Rather than skipping the things that you love to do, urge yourself to really enjoy them when you do get the chance. Do it all, and do it well.

Plan Ahead: Many things in life can’t be planned for, which is all the more reason to prepare for the things you can. If part of your struggle stems from feeling like you’re constantly squeezing in to-do list items, try planning them in advance. Eliminate some of the stress that can draw you away from the present by knowing you have a plan. Set it, and forget it.

Grow Your Wealth: Think of your experiences as wealth. Moments lost to stress or distraction may be lost earnings, but they don’t take away from what you’ve already deposited. The more you are able practice presence, the richer your experience bank.

Practice Makes Present: Don’t get down on yourself when you realize you’ve been pulled from the present; instead, take a moment to regroup and refocus. The more you integrate a habit of presence into your routine, the easier it will come.

With the joy of the holidays and the New Year ahead, let's try to focus on the present and experience every day. From my frantic world to yours, dig in!

﻿﻿﻿﻿Not surprisingly, in this age of terminal multi-tasking and digital overload people are getting distracted and interrupted at work.﻿Jared Lindzon reports in a﻿recent article in the Globe & Mail that the average employee loses approximately 86 minutes a day to unnecessary distractions, costing employers an average of $10,375 per employee per year.Lindzon introduces us to MyFocus, a device you place on your desk to announce whether or not you’re busy.The device and its accompanying software blocks all digital distractions from mobile phones and computers at the push of a button. It glows green when you’re available and red when you’re busy.How ironic that a company has developed technology to offset the insidious grip of technology on our lives.Let me be clear, I am no Luddite.I long ago embraced technology and rely on it in both my personal and professional life.However, I can’t help but think that this clever little button offers little more than a band-aid solution to a bigger behavioural problem – our resistance to turn off and be present.In my view, being present (or in the moment) is the single most important ingredient that I can bring to my work as a mediator. It ensures I am focused and connected and responsive to the parties’ interactions.It enables me to see opportunities for movement and progress that are aligned with the needs of the parties.In addition to years of training in dispute resolution, I have studied mindfulness theory and practice to improve my ability to be present, and, like many, I sometimes struggle with being in the moment both at home and at work. Perhaps a button can help us establish boundaries to block out distractions and interruptions at work, but couldn’t wearing a red hat or headphones send the same message?Or, even better, how about turning off distracting devices at designated times in the day?What’s really needed are changes in organizational norms and human behaviour. The human mind has just not kept up with advances in technology.(Or, as mindfulness guru, Jon Kabat-Zinn, puts it: "We’re still saddled with a stone age mind in a digital world.") We need to rethink how we work, interact and respond to workplace stimuli.﻿

Without first creating a workplace environment that fosters awareness, focus and presence, the button just becomes another distraction.﻿﻿