The Entertation Index: November 8

Due to budget constraints, this is how Iron Man will appear in The Avengers film.

Avengers — As the upcoming superhero-fest The Avengers casts and begins shooting, rumors abound in Hollywood that parent company Marvel Studios is putting the financial screws to the production and demanding the film be made as cost-efficiently as possible. According to sources, changes to the budget include outfitting Thor with a much more affordable Craftsman curved finishing hammer and no new pants for the Hulk.

Block, New Kids on the — MTV Reports that sometimes next year, hot new band New Kids on the Block is going to unite for a tour with the Backstreet Boys. Let’s go see this, and then we can come back to my house and watch Cagney and Lacey on the VCR and eat some Nintendo Cereal. Say, are you as excited about Caddyshack II as I am? It’s gonna be great!

Crocosaurus, Mega-Shark Vs. — Because I’m the bigger man and a purist, the excruciating fact that the Syfy Network still patently refuses to credential me for their original films will not deter me from sharing with you the greatness that is December’s premiere of Mega-Shark Vs. Crocosaurus, featuring — appropriately — a mega-shark, a crocosaurus, and Family Matters’ Steve Urkel (Jaleel White). You can ignore me forever, Syfy original films, but you can’t stop me from loving you.

Johansson, Scarlet — The Hollywood Reporter writes that british film studio Film4 is currently shopping an independent film from Sexy Beast writer Jonathan Glazer which features Scarlet Johahnsson as “an alien on earth, disguised as the perfect aesthetic form of a mesmerizing woman. She scours remote highways and desolate scenery looking to use her greatest weapon to snare human prey — her voracious sexuality.” The film will reportedly be called The Tila Tequila Story.

Stewart, Rod — The 65 year-old pop icon tells press that, following the birth of his eighth child — due in February — that he’s finished having children and is “closing up the office.” Why anyone was still bringing their business to that office remains a mystery.