You guys, we are so close to the Sweet Sixteen we've just decided to go for it. In a deliciously debaucerous move, there will be not one, not two, not three but FOUR matchups today. Shit just got real.

First, we should deal with yesterday. Despite being some anal mothertruckers, y'all did not support Team Rimjob. Number 3 seed Spoon Sex wiped its ass the floor with 14-seeded Rimjob, and now Rimjob is going to drown his sorrows in a bidet.

As for Cake, she gobbled the Chocolate Bunny alive, with 83% of the vote. Team Cake, your loyalty and devotion has not gone unnoticed. Bunny, you tried. People don't like rodents.

Today, we have two matches in the Sex Conference. First, BDSM/Kink (7) is up against Public Sex (10). This should be interesting: With 50 Shades Of Grey in the news, getting tied up and spanked is pretty hot right now. On the other hand: Doing it in the park, doing it after dark, oh yeah. And also bar bathrooms, rooftops, cars, fire escapes, airplanes, etc. Will Kink whip Public? It's up to you!

On an adjacent playing field, number 2 seed Doggystyle is about to pounce on Facial (15). Insert (heh) your own jokes about coming (heh) from behind (heh) and exploding with joy. Heh.

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Over in the Chocolate Conference, 7-seeded Drugstore Chocolate — which includes candy bars like Snickers and Hershey's and even stuff like M&Ms, After 8s and Milk Duds — is entering the ring with 10-seed Frosting. Now Frosting is an interesting case, since it's usually partnered with Cake. The Selection Committee decided that Chocolate Frosting alone is pretty powerful stuff, and since it can make chocolate cake or yellow cake even better, well, it deserves its own team. This will definitely be a dramatic match.

Last, but not least: Brownies vs. White Chocolate. Wow. WOW. The whispers around the stadium are that someone paid to get White Chocolate even get in this tourney, since it's not even really chocolate but a derivative of chocolate. Whether you see White as an underdog or a goddamn joke, there's no denying Brownie is a tough, tough competitor. Hard-edged but soft inside, Brownie is definitely a fan favorite — and some say the sure bet to win the whole thing.

One thing's for sure: All of these proud players need your vote. Today is one of the most important days of the tournament, so don't let your team down!