A blog about faith, intentional living and the joys and struggles of married life.

Babies change EVERYTHING. Some would even say that having a baby ruined their marriage and I would have to agree with them. I love my daughter as well as the life my husband and I are building with her, but that doesn’t mean my pre-baby life isn’t ruined. In fact, it’s been demolished.

I can never go back to life before kids…never. From the moment my daughter was born until the day I leave this world, I will forever be a mother.

Babies ruin date nights

Prior to the baby, many newlyweds spend weekends wining and dining and hitting up new happy hours. Pat and I were no exception. We traveled, went to concerts, art fairs, coffee shops and shows. All of our free time was spent with one another on romantic getaways falling deeper in love. Now that our little girl has come along I think we’ve been on one, maybe two dates without her. And let me assure you when 9:30 starts to roll around, we begin the debate of choosing between responsible parenting and yearning for just a few more hours of freedom…responsible parenting always seems to win.

Pre-baby life was full of romance and happily ever after…okay maybe a slight exaggeration but something like that.

Now romance is changing poo-explosion diapers.

Babies ruin romance

Babies are mood killers. There is no way around it. After hours of nursing, playing with, cleaning, and soothing my baby I’m so ready to wipe this spit up off my neck, change into some lingerie and have a romantic night with my husband, said no mother ever. Set aside the fact that most moms are still trying to find confidence in their new mommy bodies, on the off-chance you are in the mood, one or both of you are probably too exhausted to even lean over and give each other a kiss much less anything else. And if a couple can muster up enough energy for anything don’t worry there is a tiny little human in the next room just waiting for the perfect moment to start screaming her lungs out.

Babies ruin finances

Babies are moochers. You think you’re prepared. You even tried to stash a bit away before the little bundle came along…you know as a safety cushion. Then wham…they’re born and that safety net, well that’s out the window. Any discretionary funds you did have is suddenly being put towards baby clothes, diapers, insurance and college.

But along with the free time, romance and bank accounts ruined comes something wonderful. Babies don’t just wreak havoc on these areas of life, they also ruin self-absorption, frivolity, and materialism. With children comes responsibility, stability…and selfishness… well, that is no longer an option.

Our Lord instructs us that if we want to become His followers we must deny ourselves and follow Him. “For those who want to save their life will lose it, and those who lose their life for my sake, and for the sake of the gospel, will save it.” — Luke 9:24

I don’t know what better way to die to myself and “lose my life” than by having a baby.

So yeah…I do blame my daughter for ruining my marriage or at least my immature self-absorbed view of it. While Patrick and I may not be able to go out on spontaneous dates or waste our money on unnecessary luxuries, we have been blessed with growing in a deeper, more sustaining and self-sacrificing love. It is a love that isn’t always enjoyed through extravagant means, but rather one that is proven through the late night diaper changes, soothing a sick baby, and giving mom a much-needed night off.

So for that…for the exponential growth in learning how to truly love her and my husband more selflessly than before…for that she deserves all the credit.

Tara, thanks for reading. I completely agree, being an adult, spouse, parent and a Christian requires responsibility and selflessness. Unfortunately, we are in a continual battle between what we know is right and good and the desire to focus only on ourselves. At least I am.

greatguy999

You’re kiddin’, right? It’s like an employee complaining that returning to work ruined her vacation. Well, that vacation was meant to make her better at her job. Duh!

God did not give us romance for the sake of romance, or marriage for the sake or marriage. They are both means to ensure the survival of our species. Get down to business, lady, and raise that young kid with joy.

Thanks for sharing. I am in complete agreement that marriage or romance were not given to us as an end in themselves, but rather to lead us to a greater good.

The point of the post was not to appear that I am complaining, but instead it was meant to be a tongue in cheek way of highlighting the fears that people have about starting a family (ridiculous as they might be) and showcase why those fears are unfounded. We are not called to romance or security in this life. We are called to live a selfless life for others and Our Lord.

Kimberly Wahmhoff

Thank you so much for such a beautiful post. As a newlywed open to a pregnancy not too far down the road, it was refreshing to hear your perspective. What a beautiful reminder that although becoming mothers and fathers is a tremendous sacrifice, what a beautiful sacrifice it is!

Thanks Kimberly, congrats on being newlyweds! How’d you hear about us?

About Us

Hi, we are Pat and Nicole! On this blog, we write about our faith, intentional living and the joys and struggles of married life. We share everything from life’s ups and downs to the just plain ridiculous all while keeping our eyes fixed on the Lord. More >>