Sunday, January 27, 2013

Just got back from a poetry workshop. And at the end of the session, this is what I came up with:

Always keep your sentences smallIf you can't, don't ask yourself not to write at all,Nails that grow are meant to be clipped, not pulled out,No bad poem, like bad students, should be sent out,Don't say don't, never say never,Remember the rules, but try to be clever,Makers of rules have always broken a few,Cutting open silly putty to create something new,So just write with a free mind, don't keep it in a cage,Well, if it ain't good, hell! Just pull out another page.

Friday, January 18, 2013

We've already discussed all the interesting bits of history in our first set of posts that began with where we all came into existence here, and came to a halt shortly after our discussion on the World War II, when mankind nearly destroyed itself. Funnily enough, while World War II united the world against the common enemy - Axis Power - the end of the war divided it almost equally. So the years following the war continued to be a showcase of crimes, follies and misfortunes of mankind. Here's world history, after the start of what ought to have been the happiest days of our lives.

1945: The allied leaders meet up for a party at Yalta, and agree to part with the spoils of war.

1946: Winston Churchill delivers his "Iron Curtain" speech. After practicing it 37 times behind the curtain.

1947: A huge explosion near Sikhote-Alin in the Soviet Union raises suspicion of an American attack. Turns out, it was only a harmless meteor. The Russians were so disapointed, they didn't even bother naming the damn meteor.

1948: NASCAR competitions begins. It was also the origin of the joke, "What's the difference between NASCAR and a porcupine? In a porcupine, the pricks are on the outside."

1949: One USAF Captain can't deal with his war withdrawal symptoms anymore. So he takes his B-50 Superfortress and flies it around the world, literally.

1950: Korean War begins. Gives Richard Hooker the idea for a book full of laughs, which would eventually turn into M*A*S*H franchise

1951: JD Salinger cracks a joke about this overly abusive teenager. He's surprised when the critics take the book way too seriously. Decades later, critics still swear by it, while Salinger rolls in his grave, laughing

1952: Elizabeth II is crowned the queen. And she remains so forever (As of 2012).

1953: Samuel Beckett's play "Waiting for Godot" opens successfully. Many of the audience are still found waiting for Godot.

1954: H-Bomb tested in Bikini Atoll. Somehow, the island is still named after the garment that adorns other shapely bombs.

1955: Disneyland opens as a theme park for public. This turns out to be Disney's first venture that made kids throw up.

We'll be back next week with a review of the next decade and a half that takes us into the 60s, when we'll feature a generation that remembers very little, mostly because they smoked some good shit! So until then, keep rolling.

Sunday, January 6, 2013

Before I'm consumed by the violent outrage of football fans around me, let me clarify. Man U is a great team. However, they
could never have been as great if it wasn't for the carefully calculated
attempts of this one man, who gets inside the heads of opposing fans, and
messes with their minds. I don't speak of Sir Alex Ferguson. I speak of ManU's
secret weapon - The Manchester United Fan. Especially the one who is found
wearing the red jersey in cities as far as Managua
(not Manchester) in Nicaragua
and Manus (Not ManU) Island in Papua
New Guinea.

Typically, ManU fans are known to reinterpret
facts and give it a spin that completely bamboozles the rest of mankind. And
the one set of people who suffer the most are opposition players. They have no
escape because they end up finding Man U fans every where – at airports posing
as security guards, on the streets posing as cops, at stadiums posing as referees
and as John Terry found out recently, in bed posing as extremely desirable
WAGs. Here’s a sample of how ManU fans strategically carry out their devious
plans:

Us: ManU Fans are a bunch of out-of-control animals who create havoc wherever
they go.
Them: The ManU fan’s behaviour is a result of years of practice, which never
fails to intimidate opposition once it’s play time. And we WIN.

Us: ManU needs to sell merchandise worth millions
to idiots just to sustain themselves.
Them: The ManU fan buys merchandise knowing that he’s contributing to a greater
cause. Like acquiring Shinji Kagawa, who’s the little beast from the East. So we'll WIN.

Us: Christiano Ronaldo is such a loser. Always
acting as if he was fouled.
Them: At least he acted like a winner when he was at ManU. And we’d WIN.

Us: ManU is always full of boors, like Roy Keane.
Constantly fouling opponents!
Them: Hey! Roy Keane was an emotionally charged man who played his part the way
it was meant to be – The “Attacking” midfielder. And we’d WIN.

Us: Wayne Rooney is such a psycho freak. Remember
how he got a red card against Portugal
in FIFA 2006
Them: Excuse me! Rooney is a lovable eccentric who helps us WIN.

Us: ManU seems to be having a few fossils in their
side, like Giggs and Scholes.
Them: They are seasoned veterans whose job is to teach newbies how to WIN.

Us: ManU seems to be playing some really boring football.
Them: Oh. That’s a part of the grand plan. To put the opposition to sleep and
then WIN.

Us: ManU’s defense sucks. They can never lead.
Them: ManU’s defense are not at their best. But even they can attack! So we’d
still WIN.

Us: ManU overspent on RvP, who is 30, and keeps
getting injured.
Them: But then he’ll come out and score a goal in injury time, and we’ll WIN.

Us: Ha! Lost to Everton in Matchday One! LOL!
Them: They were just warming up. Next game we’ll WIN.