Pop-punk band NOFX writes a song about Tegan and Sara

Alright ladies — gather round. It’s time we form a Militia Etheridge and put the smackdown on some douchey skate-punk rockers. The boys that form the band NOFX have done the unthinkable and attacked our community at its very core — they made a song dissing Tegan and Sara.

Over three silly minutes, NOFX vocalist Fat Mike tells a tale of meeting one of the sisters backstage at a festival in Germany, but not being able to tell which one. After realizing that he’s talking with Sara (he heard Tegan was “the cooler one”), he proceeds to completely “creep” her out by asking if she knows where to score some pills or cocaine — and if she’s ever engaged in sexual acts with her sister (yuck!).

NOFX

Wait — “silly”? No, nothing about that sounds silly to me — just disturbing. This sounds like a classic case of a dude getting let down by a lesbian and then lashing out at her by attacking her sexuality. He’s probably most upset that the girls get more panties thrown at them then he does.

Let’s examine some of the lyrics shall we?

I noticed that her hair was longer in the back / I figured that’s because she’s Canadian / That’s why I was surprised when she told me she was fully lesbian.

Since when did Canada turn into the land of the shlong (shorter in the front longer in the back) haircut people? Why was this Fat Mike guy surprised she was a lesbian? Is it the Canadian aspect or the shlong hair that blew his mind?

Fat Mike

The next verse is just as terrible:

I told her I was a big fan of her band / she asked me if I had a favorite song / I admitted I had never actually heard them but I like k.d. lang.

Easy there tiger — you guys are like the Weird Al of punk.

Maybe I just pissed her off when I asked her if her sister and her had ever had a threesome / Where they both ganged up on one girl / A fourgy or a five-some. Do they think strap-ons are groovy?

I’m sure those boys were peeing their underoos over that one! Now, if this actually happened I don’t know how either one of the Quin twins could have resisted giving his nads a healthy dose of hurt. There is something deeply disturbing about this song and the way it aims to poke fun at the lesbian community in general and more personally Tegan and Sara. This is the type of song that frat boys will play, not because it’s actually good (it sounds like a Blink 182 cover band reading out of a sixth grade slam book) but because somehow it makes them feel like more of a man.

nofx + t/s = lots of email/texts/blogs/phone calls. i think punk in drublic is a great record. we r lesbians. sara was creeped. i AM cooler.

Sounds like they aren’t taking this too seriously.

I’d like to say that NOFX felt the need to make this song in order to be deemed somewhat “relevant.” Most ’80s bands would be happy to be playing the bar and bat mitzvah circuit these days but these guys are on the Warped Tour. They’ve sold over six million albums and haven’t relied on much press to get them there. They’ve also been very active in opposing George W. Bush while he was in the White House and consider themselves leftists.

I’d love to give them the benefit of the doubt but songs like this aren’t funny, cute or helping break down walls. Of course, I’ve been called a “Sensitive Sally” on more than one occasion — so maybe I’m taking this too personally. What do you think? Should we raise the pitchforks or should I just grab some bon bons, watch Steel Magnolias and take a deep breath?