The Art of the Fracket

Fracket: Noun. A portmanteau of “frat” and “jacket.” An exterior layer of warmth worn to social gatherings or festivities held at fraternity houses. Immediately shed at the door or behind a couch.

Preferably a $7 coat from Wal-Mart or an old throwback from long lost middle school days of Abercrombie. Probable defects: broken zipper, missing buttons, lack of actual warmth, unpleasant odors, ugliness, memories of embarrassing sexual encounters.

Potential smells/stainage of both natural and synthetic substances. Including but not limited to: alcoholic beverages (beer, liquor, cough syrup, etc.), a muddy puddle suddenly transformed into a human magnet as consumption of the aforementioned substances increases, the projectile of the human digestive system via the mouth, the sweat expelled by those attempting to partake in high-exertion activity with other frat-goers [read: desperation], and the tears and blood of the ever so inconsequential proles, otherwise known as freshmen.

High probability of theft, loss, and/or awkward retrieval the next morning. Ownership is not likely to last much longer than the fleeting romance of a dance floor make out. The fracket is there when we need it most, and gone when we’ve hopefully already drunken ourselves a figurative sweater. If you’re lucky, it won’t be left in a room belonging to someone you can no longer make eye contact with ever again or glued to the really super clean frat basement’s floor by a mysterious adhesive.

The fracket, an invaluable physicality, representative of the transient and hedonistic nature of America’s fraternity-dominated college culture, will continue to live on, perhaps, if you’re lucky, for even longer than Kim Kardashian’s marriage.

­­­­­­With a couple months of school under our belts, we should all be familiar with the lunchtime madness at the DUC. 15-minute salad lines? A sad reality. You want a taco salad? Get ready to stand around for a ten-minute panic attack about whether they are going to run out of guac before you get... MORE »

Rise and shine my hung over comrades of WashU! It’s a new day and the world is beckoning. Time to forget about what you did last night (if you haven’t already) and move on to bigger and better things: Saturdays at the library. Ahh yes. This is the kind of school we go to. We... MORE »

Everyone should take the Megabus to Chicago at least once. It’s a weird, character-building activity that makes us all better, more accepting humans in less than a day. It’s downright transformative! I’ve had the great fortune of riding the big blue bus not once, but twice, so I can write this list of things... MORE »

Do you see something off about this photograph? Do you merely recognize some co-eds have a good time, enjoying a pregame before Linus, a large off-campus philanthropic party? Or do you spot something lurking in the back? A strange, slightly upsetting expression. A dark hole of rebellion. It’s THE FACE. Here is my brief,... MORE »

This past Thursday afternoon, campus police were dispatched to break up a fight that started in the bookstore. Witness reports state that the fight began when a 5’3” white female walked past another 5’4” white female without any visible recognition of the latter despite their past friendship. Reportedly, the two had been friends up until... MORE »

This article is part of our “Let’s Keep This Website Awesome Over Winter Break” Tournament series. Check out the opposing article here and be sure to ‘like’ your favorite! After attending three years of college at two different schools, I consider myself a collegiate expert. Now, I know what you’re thinking, “where do you get... MORE »

This article is part of our “Let’s Keep This Website Awesome Over Winter Break” Tournament series. Check out the opposing article here and be sure to ‘like’ your favorite! It’s the moooooost, wonderful tiiiime, of the yeeeeeear! Holiday season gets me so excited. Family, presents, homecooked meals, no schoolwork, and that odd thing called “a... MORE »

So, I might have Seasonal Affect Disorder, but despite that, there is something about spring semester that just feels lighter and happier than fall semester. I know no one is ever ready to go back to school in the 10-50 degree weather that could characterize January in St. Louis, but once the semester gets kicking,... MORE »

Your sorority is having its annual philanthropy event, and your sisters put you in charge! Wow, what a real opportunity to bring about meaningful change for those afflicted with a terrible disease. Just kidding — it’s tank time betches! Here are 7 easy steps to make sure your sorority’s event tank goes off without a... MORE »

Bookstore employees are overwhelmed and perplexed today by a huge surge in binder sales at the university bookstore. Hundreds of students flooded the bookstore this afternoon, violently interrogating employees and knocking down sections of pens and notepads, all in search of women-filled binders. One student demanded a refund for his recently purchased item. He... MORE »

As the much-anticipated sweater weather season and the equally-exciting midterms season have finally come upon us, the natural habitat of the WashU student has shifted dramatically. On a late night studying for midterms, you might ask yourself, as I do, what is this new territory of academia and imprisonment? Of studies and dungeons? Of all-nighters and... MORE »

A scientifically minded person like myself often wonders about the inner workings of this turbulently changing world. For example, how does one double space a word document? Forever a mystery! But today I bring you the greatest mystery of all. And no, it isn’t the reason why people actually choose to sit in the B... MORE »

I am a huge proponent of eating breakfast. There is nothing like a good Chobani session. Am I right, ladies? And what could be better than Greek yogurt and/or four-month-old boxes of stale cereal to fuel you through your day? Let’s kick things up a notch… to something super secret, super special, super sweet and/or savory, superhero level of... MORE »

Oh my gosh, like check me out hanging out with all my friends. I have friends. Did you know? We hang out and do fun things so I just wanted to take a picture of us, you know, hanging out, just chilling, NBD. No, I don’t think that I have to prove it. I just wanted to show... MORE »

Sitting alone is an art attempted by many, mastered by few. The SSS (Solo Seat Selection) is a dilemma facing our generation of awkward texters everywhere! So how does one sit alone and not be eaten alive? How can you avoid the state of a lone, defenseless guppy in a sea filled with barracudas?! (Barracudas eat guppies, right?) Read... MORE »

On Science I like watching Planet Earth. If all science classes were like Planet Earth, then I would totally be into science. I thought about being pre-med once, because like I’ve just always wanted to be a dermatologist or something. But I realized that the material was going to be too sciencey for me. Like what are DNA helicase?... MORE »

Hello Campus Basement readers, and welcome to 2012. According to the always accurate Mayan calendar, we have finally reached the end of days. Soon, the sky will collapse in on us, painfully crushing every living human soul while leaving our planet a mere particle of dust with no evidence of past life forms and certainly no evidence of last... MORE »

An unnamed sophomore was found Tuesday morning rocking himself back and forth in fetal position under the Bunny statue. When brought inside to Whispers to thaw out his eyelids, he whispered, “I’ve come from a dark, dark place.” The biology, political science, and Russian studies triple major explained that he was revved up for the last week of classes... MORE »

On the Week Before Kids: By Thanksgiving, it has already been over three weeks since Halloween! And how is a kid to survive without a monthly dose of commercialized holiday cheer generously injected into the American education system?? Impossible, I know. So instead of expecting kids to actually try to learn anything the week before a holiday, teachers fill... MORE »

Allow me to rephrase… Abbreviations that WashU uses to stop me from graduating. Specifically, abbreviations that make me fail… At the very least, evidence that suggests WashU truly wants me to break down into hysterics in the middle of Whispers. QA: Quantitatively Annoying. When I reached the ripe age of twelve years old, my mother gave me a pair... MORE »

As WashU students, you are obviously getting your monthly fix of human interaction from library socialization. If not, you are probably one of the kids who draw anime in Bear’s Den, a member of the university’s molepeople population (including the Sam Fox molepeople sector), or someone who “goes out” … whatever that means. The library... MORE »