At the foot of this blog is the latest progress report from one of my weight management clients I have been working with over the last few months. When my client came to see me they had been stuck as far as slimming went. They had been on various diets none of which consistently worked for them. When this client came to see me they knew two things. Number 1. They knew that because of the failed diets they had been on before that their thinking had to change. Number 2. They knew that the root of their problem lay in their eating HABITS. You see a lot of people eat when they are feeling down to help themselves feel better or they will eat when bored for something to do.

To succeed and lose weight, my client knew they had to change dramatically in their thinking and habits because everything else had failed. What my client had learned to understand is that the subconscious part of our minds has the greater control over our conscious minds and they understood that working with hypnosis and bypassing the conscious mind it was possible the create changes at the subconscious level where all of our beliefs and habits are formed. They understood where their inner conflict lay and the very thing that they did differently as to what most people who yo-yo diet all through their lives, going from one diet to another, is that they came to the consideration of using hypnotherapy with a completely open mind.

Why has my client been so successful? One of the first things which was immediately apparent is that my client had some self esteem issues and I explained that in order for progress to be made the foundations had to be put in place and this is where we started. I also explained that this weight management programme was unique and custom tailored and needed to be taken very seriously and that everything I advised them to do in the pursuit of becoming healthy and fit need to acted upon without fail. This they did! They joined a gym, took regular exercise even at the end of a busy day, they went for regular long walks, they now Skip regularly (Did you ever see a fat Boxer?) More importantly they changed what they eat and keeping a daily food and exercise diary was pivotal in helping them to create their success.

Not so long ago I received a message on facebook which said this:-

"Hi Trevor. Just wanted to share some success with you... I've just done a double dance fitness class. The first one was strictly steps which copies some of the dance steps from strictly. Very good exercise and was sweating by the end if the first dance! This class lasted 1 hr. Then second class was zumba... lots of movement and cardio exercise. Again this lasted 1hr. So this evening I have completed 2hrs of exercise.... My instructor has said I should try Zumba extreme (advanced class!) As lots of the newer people are copying me :) Absolutely shattered but very happy. Before I started hypnotherapy my evenings would be sat on sofa watching telly and eating fast food... never would I have thought that I would be able to complete 2 hrs of exercise in 1 evening. When I first went Zumba I was out of breath within minutes and thought I wouldn't make it though the class... now I'm being asked to go advanced class and doing back to back classes. Thank you very much and see you on Saturday. "

Hypnotherapy was the key to helping my client access their own best inner resources and change not only what they eat and the way they eat and to make regular exercise a part of their daily routine. Hypnotherapy helped shift their ideas and behaviours towards certain foods. It also helped them change their beliefs about themselves and who they are and how they feel in themselves. Hypnotherapy is a skill that can help access the subconscious mind and help clients create strong personal behavioural changes that are in line with their deepest desires and beliefs

At the beginning like most people my client probably thought that their behaviours and beliefs around eating habits and their views on food were 'unique' to them with their problem of not being able to get their weight under control..... and for most, when people have problems that they can't seem to solve, the thought that they must be the only ones with that problem tends to be human nature and so they try hard and fail and then try harder and harder and still fail and they come to think they must be the only one stuck in this way and perhaps think there is something wrong with them even though there are most likely thousands of people out there with the same problem.

When we are stuck with a problem, because we tend to focus on it a lot, it becomes big and we tend to think we are the only ones experiencing that problem. We try harder and harder and what we find is that the harder we try the harder it is to achieve.

What is happening is in fact the law or reverse effect. This law was conceived around the turn of the twentieth century by Emile Coue, a French psychologist and pharmacist who introduced a popular method of psychotherapy and self-improvement based on optimistic autosuggestion.The father of autosuggestion referred to it as the "Law of Reversed Effort." Coue's law stated, "whenever there is a conflict between the will (conscious effort) and the imagination (mental imagery), not only do we not do that which we wish, but we do the exact opposite." When one thinks that he would like to do something but feels he cannot, then the more he tries the more difficult it becomes.

This is where the unique power of hypnosis comes into play where we can reprogramme me the subconscious mind..... I will say no more now but let my clients words speak for themselves:-

"Morning Trevor. I hope you're well. I've just weighed myself, fist time in couple of weeks. And good news, I'm now 17 10. This means I have lost 2 stone since starting with you. I'm very very happy with this progress. Going to work extra hard to get to 16 stone asap as 17 is my unlucky number! Have a great day. Thank you"

If you would like to talk weight loss then why not get in touch? You can call me on 01726 69703

Self esteem and the importance of self care, nurturing and how parenting is so important

Self esteem,it all begins in childhood

When a person doesn't like themselves their core beliefs can extend back to root causes in early childhood. Those core beliefs can be thoughts that they are " a waste of space" because that is what they are constantly being told.... or that they were a mistake and should never have been born because they had a parent who constantly told them how useless they were. As far as young minds go, even something said once in haste and anger can become traumatic and frightening and something played over and over again in the child's mind becoming bigger and bigger and bigger. Even conversations, perhaps something overheard that a young child wasn't meant to hear can implant the notion of not being loved and cared about. Young children do not have the reasoning abilities that develop into adulthood and how we care and nurture our children is really so very important. Bringing our children up with a balance where they know they are loved and also where they know where those boundaries are so when they do something wrong and are chastised they still know they are loved is so important and I think I can speak from personal experience here as often as a child I didnt feel loved by my mum and dad because of the difficulties they were going through. Fortunately I had two sets of loving grandparents and I spent some time in Guernsey growing up with my aunt and uncle and cousins which helped a lot in developing confidence, resilience and self esteem.

Low self esteem can also start to develop at nursery and school where a child may be bullied and start to suffer peer pressure. The lessons a child learns about themselves in life will often stay with them throughout all of their lives and if the views they hold about themselves leads them to become withdrawn,socially dysfunctional, extreme in their views on people and life then they will drag that around with them all through their life. The hardened views and dysfunctional behaviour may well build a protective shell and help a person cope in what they may view as a very unfair world and their behaviours and actions towards others may well distance them from friendships and social integration. For others who suffer and who do not form a hard exterior they can become depressive, isolated ,sad and lost even putting on a brave exterior face to all the world that they are ok when deep down inside they are crying out for help because their view of themselves is so negative and they dont know what to do. Their view is sadly imprinted on their psyche in early childhood and compounded as they get older as they come to believe that is true because of the feedback they constantly receive. As a young child I was mercilessly bullied and teased because I wasn't as bright academically as the other kids in my peer group and as a quiet shy and retiring kid the playground experience became a daily thing of dread... a battleground

When a child is very young the mind is like a sponge soaking up everything and if the core message surrounding their personal identity is negative then the child will in all probability come to believe this to be true. It's hard to understand how & why a parent may do this to their own child but we all know people have their own issues and crosses to bear and something may well have happened which is quite traumatic to the parent that changed their internal reasoning and behaviour towards the child.

As a young teenager in love I remember one of my girlfriends had this feeling that they were not good enough and it was the fact that the next child her mother had was stillborn and her mother used to tell her from time to time that if She (the girlfriend) had not been born then the next child would not have been stillborn and although no blame was ever attached to her directly she grew up with the firm feeling that in her family as the youngest she was loved the least and that her mother blamed her for the death of her sister. She grew up a moody and troubled teenager whose relationship with her parents was difficult to say the least and who left home at 16. As I got to know her over the time we were together more and more it became apparent that she was a fairly dysfunctional person on many levels being difficult to get to know, quite argumentative and distant a great deal of the time.The very fact that in the time that we were together this subject came up numerous times, looking back now indicates that here was a person who was affected by their past and the messages they had received about their childhood. They were clearly not happy and perhaps somehow reaching out for help. At that time, I did not understand and I also had my own personal issues coming from a broken home. When a person doesn't like themselves it can make it very difficult for them to behave in a way that endears them to other people because it can sometimes go hand in hand with social dysfunctionality where the person can make themselves difficult to get along with and very hard to get to know. They may even hold quite polarised views of other people.

Both at home and at school, setting our children up with confidence and good self esteem values equips them to feel happy and valued

Over my time as a therapist I have worked with many people who even go so far as hating themselves and think that they are completely unfixable. What often surprises them is how the journey into therapy can help them to effect a complete mind shift of their worldview and how they view themselves and enabling them as people to live a happy fulfilling life....... and that of course is the end aim. As you can easily realise the journey isn't easy and it can take time, sometimes quite a long time to heal involving several sessions and sometimes more but in that instant when the mind is ready to change that change can take place in an instant. Therapy is not a magic bullet but a very powerful useful set of tools to facilitate personal change and growth.

There is no price that can be put on peace of mind and when you really want to change you will find that peace of mind

Situations where therapy is not a good idea.

As therapists we have an ethical and moral obligation to our clients to carefully weigh up what is in their best interests which sometimes may well see us turning clients away. It is better to give the right advice than set someone up for high expectation and failure with all of the possible harm that those emotions can do.

Yesterday I took an enquiry from a parent who wondered if therapy could help their 16 year old to prepare themselves for a maths exam. On the face of it, the enquiry, without more background information seems a reasonable idea with firm possibilities.I say 'possibilities' with some reservations because there needs to be far more information gathered before processing whether it would be appropriate or not to use therapy to help improve self confidence for example, because ability needs to taken into account too. Now treating for anxiety is another issue altogether.

After gathering the information I put it to the the parent that in my view therapy would not be a good idea at the moment. You see the teenager had taken two maths exams previously and whilst academically competent in all the other areas,maths is definitely not a strong point which was evident from the previous grades.

The parents enquiry came from a good place of wanting to equip their teenager with the best chances of success and wondered if Hypnotherapy for lowering anxiety and improving confidence might help.Having explained to me that the exam was only a couple of weeks away and coupled with the fact that their teenager was undergoing extra tuition I foresaw a potentially difficult situation developing of ever increasing pressure and of expectations possibly not being met and how that might impact upon their teenagers self esteem. What I explored with the parent was their child's acumen and ability in the subject of maths.

It was clear from the outset that the teenager was feeling pressure which may in all likelihood be compounded by the teachers feedback to the parent about the pupil and how the pupil approaches the subject.

Considering the information imparted, the natural direction to take the conversation was to explore if their teenager actually had good ability in maths and it was clear that they struggled hence the need for additional tutoring.

Hearing what I was saying, the parent took my comments on board about pressure and went on to consider whether putting off this upcoming maths exam until next year in order to help their teenager improve over time with extra studies was a better idea as it meant less pressure. "A good idea I think."

My deep concern is in equipping someone to beleive they can feel succesful and positive to achive something they do not have the requisite skills for yet is setting them up for failure and disappointment and to not feel good enough.This is potentially a very harmful outcome as far as how that person may well view themselves.

Whether we think we are "good enough" is really not important as that can set us up for low self esteem and disappointment.

We can be our own worst inner critics and we most likely give ourselves a harder time than other people's views of us. The idea of being "good enough" is often judgemental in a negative sense whether it comes from ourselves or others.

What is important is that we try our best with enthusiasm and intent to learn and develop and that we try our best coming from a place of good intent honour and integrity. It is important that we know our strengths and weaknesses and in being honest with those weaknesses if it is something we really want to work on then one can devote the time needed to learn and acquire those skills if that is what is important to us........ But it has to be for us and not to please someone else because in time, if we are not being true to ourselves we may find ourselves in a very unhappy situation of not living our truth.

When choosing a therapist the best advice I can give to anyone considering hypnotherapy or any other mind based therapy is to choose a therapist with great care and consideration and who is the following:-

(a) properly qualified.

(There is no regulatory law at present in the UK which requires a practitioner to be properly qualified by law and licensed to practice.Anyone can set themselves up as a hypnotherapist with no professional qualifications whatsoever)

(b) has public liability insurance and who is upfront about disclosing their professional credentials.

(c) belongs to a governing professional body which means they are bound by a strict code of ethics.

(d) choose a therapist who you feel a good rapport with and who you feel you can put your trust in.

Remember that a good therapist is not about themselves and how clever and brilliant they are and and how they can make you do something and how many people they have put through their practice, its about you, all about you and empowering you to make those inner changes.A good therapist should be empathic, patient, able to listen and work creatively with you and should be flexible enough to help you through resistance, challenges, fears etc. A good therapist should also not be afraid of telling you like it is when necessary and find a way that inspires you to achieve rather than leaving you feeling a failure.A good therapist is all about helping you to facilitate personal change and growth.