be free, be happy, be peaceful

May all find the teacher within to guide oneself towards unconditional love and peace

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

About Anger And Hatred

We were told that anger are bad, negative, not good. But how true is that? Anger is an expression of upset, frustration, irritation, disappointment and dissatisfaction. Anger is a very normal feeling that everyone has just like feeling happy and feeling sad. When we feel happy we will laugh, when we feel sad we will cry, when we feel angry we will shout. It is a natural way of expressing how we feel. Who says that we can only express happiness and cannot express unhappiness? Who says that we can only have positive feelings and expression and cannot have negative feelings and expression? Who says that having positivity is “good” and having negativity is “bad”?

If we think that anger, sadness, low energy, sickness, poverty, fat, ugliness, or anything that is being labeled as “negativity” as bad and not good, then we will be told that we are not good to have any of these negativity, and that we are not suppose to have anger, sadness, sickness, being poor, fat and ugly. Because it is something “bad” and make us a bad person. And we will be so unhappy when we encounter any of these so called negativity, and not able to express anger and sadness because we were told not to, that it is bad, and we are not good if we express our anger and sadness. But these anger and sadness are being suppressed into our body and the mind, and become a huge burden or tension in the body and the mind that will explode one day and cause larger damage to ourselves and to others. And it is worst when suppressed anger had turned into great hatred because we are not allowed to confront or express any of our unhappiness. Due to our conception that anger and shouting is something negative and not good, we will be so annoyed, upset, unhappy or angry when someone express their anger towards us or shout at us when we had say or do something that made them unhappy. We will be so annoyed and feel insulted when people confront with us about why they are being angry and unhappy with us. It makes us think that “we are bad”, “we did something wrong”. And our ego really doesn’t like this.

We will think that we are the victim of somebody’s anger. Even if we did cause the unhappiness in other people but they should not express any anger or unhappiness towards us at all, because it is bad and not good. Or we will think that we are not good and bad because someone is angry with us because we did something wrong or bad. And thus we don’t like other people to be angry with us. We will be very unhappy if people tell us that they are angry and unhappy with us. And so, it will become “I am bad, I am not good” because someone is angry and unhappy with me, and as well as “you are bad, you are not good” because you are having anger and you are expressing anger and unhappiness onto me whether I did something that caused you angry and unhappy or not.

This is very unhealthy for the body and the mind.

It is actually the ego feeling being insulted when someone is being angry or unhappy with us. We think that we are not responsible for what we have done that had caused somebody’s unhappiness. We think that even though we did something wrong, nobody should be angry with us because they are not suppose to have anger. They are bad if they have anger and especially if they are angry with “me”.

When we stop thinking that anger, sadness and all those so called negativity are “bad” and “not good”, then we will see all these “negativity” are very normal phenomena that happens in our body and in our mind. It is very normal and nothing wrong to have feelings of frustration, disappointment and dissatisfaction just like having other feelings of joy and happiness.

But not let the anger turns into hatred is the most important thing. We should be able to confront with the person who might or might not have inflicted the unhappiness in us, and tell them why are we feeling angry or upset about, which has got something to do with that person. And after expressing our unhappiness, we should forgive and forget, and let it go. Not let this unhappiness or anger carry forward into the next moment. This will stop us to have any further misunderstandings, confusions and conflicts that is due to the unexpressed frustration and suppressed anger in our heart, in the body and in the mind.

Most of the time if we did not confront our anger and unhappiness with that person who have inflicted the frustration but in stead we will tend to express these anger and unhappiness onto someone else or something else as substitute. This is a common mistake we all are making. When we are angry with the boss but due to our job, we don’t want to express our anger and unhappiness towards our boss, but very naturally we will express that anger onto someone else who are at lower position than us, or someone on the street, or when we go home to our family, we will find some excuses to express our anger and unhappiness within the family members as a target of our frustration.

And if we did say or do something that had inflicted other people to be angry and unhappy, then it is nothing wrong that these people are confronting with us and express their anger and unhappiness onto us. We should be responsible for their reactions and accept the consequences of our own actions. We shouldn’t be angry or upset about people being angry and upset with us because we had caused that anger and unhappiness in these people. In stead we should ask for forgiveness from them and let them express their anger and unhappiness so that they won’t save hatred towards us. We should dissolve any conflicts and misunderstanding immediately and let it go.

And even though if we did not cause anybody’s pain and unhappiness, but they take us as a target to express their anger and frustration, and due to compassion and selflessness, we should be able to forgive and being compassionate towards these people and let them let out their suffering and unhappiness. We are just a listener or an instrument for other beings to let go their suffering. These anger and unhappiness cannot hurt us or affect us or contaminate us, because we are selfless without an ego there to receive any insults, humiliation or negativity.

We just need to know how to deal with this anger and not let it turn into violence and deep hatred.

It is just like everything else, anger, sadness, happiness and joy are just a fleeting momentary names and forms. They all are the creation of the mind and the ego. If we can detach from any thoughts and feelings that arise in our mind doesn’t matter if it is “positive” or “negative”, happy or unhappy, just be aware of it and not give any values to all these thoughts and feelings, then no matter what is happening to us or in our life, there is no reason for us to be frustrated about, unhappy about or to be angry with.