The hidden thing that might be ruining your relationship

When was the last time you vacuumed? Shutterstock

The INSIDER Summary:

A new study found that women take on more "mental housework" than men.

When men offer reminders, it's usually for a task that benefits them, unlike women whose reminders benefit their partners.

Being overburdened this way can cause problems in one's relationships.

Studies have shown that women do more housework than men, even when they're making more money than their partners. Now, a new study from Columbia Business School and William Patterson University has found that women disproportionately take on another form of labor categorized as "mental housework."

Mental housework involves keeping track of tasks that need completing and reminding others to do them.

It's less about the acts of doing laundry or grocery shopping themselves and more about remembering to wash that shirt your partner wants to wear tomorrow and knowing that the milk and eggs are running low in the first place.

Researchers found that men are less likely to offer reminders to their partners, and when they do, it's usually for a task that benefits them.

For example, "You said that you would buy me a new suit jacket."

Women, on the other hand, are more likely to offer reminders that benefit their partners.

They would say things like, "Remember that work deadline that's coming up soon."

It's not just in romantic relationships that women take on these extra responsibilities.

Researchers suggest that this dynamic also exists in the workplace and within relationships with friends and family, as well as same-sex couples to some degree. One person tends to do most of the planning and organizing that goes into running a household or planning an office happy hour, and concerns themselves with keeping everyone on task. Usually, it's a woman. Researchers tie this to the stereotype of women as more selfless and nurturing by nature, a common perception that becomes an assumption.

In any of these contexts, the imbalance can have subtle but damaging consequences.

The study cites that increased "distractedness and anxiousness" can result from being overburdened with too many to-do lists. Women have less time for meaningful work when they're busy managing mundane details, and can become resentful if they're always shouldering the mental housework.

The extra effort that goes into balancing out the division of labor is worth it. Couples that share housework equally live longer, are less depressed, report higher marital satisfaction, and have more sex.