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"The Diamond Refinery" is to challenge story makers to create a foundation around Diamond Tiara and build to her strengths. Contestants will go against each other anonymously and compete for prizes. For questions visit http://derpy.me/Cont ·Telaros

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On his way back from work Filthy Rich finds an abandoned child and decides to take him. One odd thing is the child doesn't have a pony name, Bruce Wayne, the other thing is he says he's not even a pony at all. ·ultronquake

I did enjoy the story. I definitely see both Apple Bloom and Diamond Tiara as prosecuter and defender, respectively, and yeah, I think Apple Bloom needs to stick to defense. Diamond Tiara really seems to be born for it, why is her cutie mark a tiara, anyway???

The trial was so convincing, and real. Cheerilee did a good job of being the judge as well, and making "mock court" time well spent.

All the twists and turns with the case, potential perjury of both witnesses, even the red herring with Apple Bloom potentially being a suspect herself despite that she's the prosecutor--good stuff.

Then it went south in a hurry.

Seriously, having a changling set up as an imposter just so it can set up and steal a doll?! Even with the apparent reason for Mir breaking into another pony's locker, the mere event that a changeling was even INVOLVED is a bit weak. It seems like you went and spent so much on this to be able to stand up to it's prequel that you forgot on how to create a solid conclusion. It's generally unbelieveable. I apologize, but the ending was quite disappointing. This reeks of a deus ex--"I created so many twists to keep the narrative interesting that I have to now use a sledgehammer to break out of it."

I can tell that you do have skills with stories like this, and I am truly looking forward to more stories from you. But the next one just has to be better.

It occurs to me that these fillies and colts wouldn't be half as interested in all this legal jargon if all their cases weren't crawling with kangaroos. Miss Cheerilee should really consider the educational benefit to holding these mock trials that give their students such a warped depiction of what it means to become a lawyer. Or maybe she should just make her spelling tests this interesting.

When looking at a sequel, I find it important to view how a story stands on its own without comparing it to its predecessor. You don't judge the soup based on how much better it is than the salad. You judge it based on how few flies and human fingers are in it. However, there is one aspect that exists outside of that metaphor, which is the transition between the two stories. This story has a great lead-in from the previous one with Diamond trying to prove she can do something Apple Bloom can and Apple Bloom taking Babs up on the idea of giving prosecution a try. Apple Bloom even took the initiative to give herself a prosecutor's gimmick to help her out, though I do find it odd that she wouldn't draw any attention to the fact that it was her prosecutor's gimmick when trying to obtain permission to use it. You also managed to have Apple Bloom retain Cheerilee's lecture from the previous story about both sides trying to find the truth, and though I'm familiar with the AA moment you were referencing, it fits in the story by its own right because of Cheerilee's statement from the prequel. Also, I like how you actually did make Apple Bloom seem like a much better defense attorney than prosecutor, though didn't she say she hoped she never had to do something like that again?

As an adaptation of the Ace Attorney series, this story really hit its mark. The evidence was laid out, the logic flowed naturally, the contradictions smoothly revealed themselves as the case progressed, and in the end everything made sense. You also managed to capture several of the more subtle aspects about the series, which properly shows the research you did when writing this story. You had Diamond's little tutorial-esque statement about finding what doesn't fit in the first testimony when she came across a pointless "Hold It", the transition from "Take That" to her response is just as abrupt and senseless as a fan of the series would come to expect, the occasional keyword would pop up every now and again, there was a seemingly flawless testimony that threw the defense into a "last chance" situation, and you manged to do everything while keeping the core elements of the gameplay with testimonies being changed and all of the evidence coming into play at some point.

Looking at things from beyond the fourth wall, it would seem that whoever's playing this game wants to experiment a bit more to get those extra bits of humorous dialogue. Even so, it would seem that he's still using a walkthrough since he managed to get through the entire case without a single penalty. Story-wise there's no problem with that outside of creating the illusion of hypercompetence, but the fact that every "Hold It" doesn't result in a contradiction or a change in the testimony really makes it less of an issue.

I really like the fact that you managed to work in a one-dimensional, over-the-top comic relief witness that wasn't actually guilty but was hiding something. I don't think there are many cases in the actual series without one of those, and you managed to fit it in with the context of the world, provided the reader is willing to suspend his disbelief of modern technology existing in this world and other teachers working at this school. I would say of all the things you did in your attempt to mimic the series, Button Masher was your best move. You didn't hold back on the ham in the slightest with him. You even had the defense cleverly respond to one of the witness's exaggerated freakouts with your little cheat code remark. That was nicely done.

Characterization is really something I can't comment on in this story. We're dealing with an Equestria here that defies the canon one with its use of technology and everyone knowing exactly how the courtroom works. Aside from a few recognizable traits and mannerisms like Sweetie's timidity and Apple Bloom's interest in cutie marks, it's clear that an exact portrayal isn't the intention of this story. Therefore, to critique characterization of this story, it's not a matter of seeing how believable they are to their canon selves, but how interesting they are to read. That being said, this story isn't really character-driven. It's about the story. So all I really have to say about characterization is that no one stuck out as too bland or too annoying in comparison to the rest of the cast.

I did like the visual aid you provided to give a clearer image of the crime scene. It's difficult to describe that kind of evidence with words without giving away what you're planning to reveal later, so I thought that was a good way to go about it. My only concern is that a number of readers might not see it due to the amount of green text that isn't hyperlinked and the fact that there's really no indication that it is a hyperlink unless you scroll over it.

Now about this story's biggest flaw, you haven't completely let go of your hat yet. The contradiction found by Silver Spoon being right-hoofed came straight out of your hat since it wasn't established that Silver Spoon was right-hoofed and we weren't told beforehand that the hoofprint was from a left hoof. The height of the air vent was another case of it. Also, you actually have a tendency to pull the witnesses themselves out of your hat. While it's a bit more difficult to have a list of suspects set up in your case because you have no investigation scene prior to the courtroom, it really stretches the believable factor when there are actually two or three other ponies at a crime scene when there was only believed to be one and we find out about all the others one at a time without so much as hearing their names beforehand. However, while your hat comes into play in these cases, the resolution is where it really takes center stage.

It wasn't so much that you made the culprit a changeling that bothered me. Though it was a bit jarring for us to transition from a simple fire drill case to an international incident, it could have made for a decent twist if had been effectively set up. The problem was there really was no setup for it. It wasn't entirely out of nowhere since we had that Royal Wedding clue set up since the beginning of the story, but its relevance was due to a very flimsy reason: Diamond guessed. Sure, it was an educated guess, and it made sense after she proposed the idea. I even think a good number of readers would be able to pick up where she was going before she said it aloud. However, unless the reader were to make an equally wild guess early on, we're once again left with a great deprivation of interactivity. Furthermore, the fact that Diamond guessed that Berry Pinch was a changeling specifically was so arbitrary. All she needed to figure out was that Berry was an impostor, which she could have realized from hearing something subtle that Berry Pinch or just a pony in general would never say. When I was reading this, I thought the reason that Berry might have gotten to the locker room first was by teleporting there. Berry being some kind of magical prodigy was certainly a possibility given her unlikely opening of the locker, but that idea was never proposed. Diamond just lucked her way into having the word 'changeling' pop into her head and it happened to explain everything.

On the other side of this changeling coin is the way the revelation was handled. I like the fact that you made the changeling more than just "the villain", but I think you overcompensated with the goodness. For someone who loves tossing around the conflict ball, I was surprised you didn't take the opportunity to use it here with the guilty party. There were no implications from this story that anyone would have any reason to have a different opinion of the changelings than the one they have from the show, and from the show, we and the ponies are led to believe that the changelings are essentially a collection of merciless drones that want to feed on love and enslave all ponies. The CMC were there the day of the wedding, so unless they had a miniature adventure with one that day that you forgot to mention, they should be especially afraid of them. However, without something like that to provide context, I'm left to think outside the box myself and assume that Mir told this whole sob story to trick a bunch of gullible fillies into letting her escape and inform her queen about the understaffed Ponyville hospital. Mir admitted to stabbing an unconscious Silver Spoon with a piece of broken glass, causing her to bleed out and limp, and no one even batted an eye. There wasn't even an ounce of prejudice against Mir aside from them knowing she was guilty immediately after she revealed what she was. Ultimately, whether she actually hurt Berry Pinch, had any hidden agendas, or held any malicious intent toward anyone, she did deceive them all about her identity and lie several times in court; however, everything she said was taken at face value. It just struck me as unbelievable that anyone would even take the time to hear her out before taking her into custody, regardless of her age.

In my opinion, a stronger resolution would be the best thing this story could stand to improve. The changeling twist had its merit in shock value, but in all seriousness it wouldn't have made any difference if she was a changeling, a doppelganger, or Button Masher's neglected Game Boy. There were no real clues that foreshadowed the twist, and after the revelation, Mir wasn't really treated any different than a troublemaking pony. Though in all fairness, you did give her a cool name.

You seemed to have most of the logic down given how thoroughly you mapped everything out and explained away a good number of potential plot holes. There were just a few questions I had after a bit of contemplation. What was Silver Spoon doing near the crime scene in the first place? Where did Mir get a hammer? What sort of RPG was Button Masher playing that involved letting you obtain a high score? Why doesn't an Equestria with Internet access and handheld consoles have security cameras to sort out these sort of things? Just some more food for thought.

This is an Ace Attorney story. From the judge to the witnesses to the victim to the prosecutor, the world you set up here is modeled right after the genuine article. If you had just built up the culprit a bit better, you'd have all the pieces you needed for an amazing take on the series. I'd call this story another burger, and while you gave me some variety with the fixings, you made boiled cabbage a mandatory one. I didn't see it coming, but I can't say much for the taste.

>>29137192913719 I don't think I've ever seen a review so long. O_O You sir have just made me want to read this now. I put it on the read later and was just scrolling down idly when I found your review which just... never ended. Your comment here is longer than some recently featured stories I've read on the front page! Jeez. Welp, time to give this a read and not let it sit.

Wow, I didn't know you made a sequel to this story but it's really well done in a manner of a true Ace Attorney story. In fact the way you have written both of the endings, it seems like these are stories connected to a much bigger one like in Phoneix Wright 3 and Dual Destinies. I'm already seeing another sequel of this which involved Apple Bloom and Diamond Tiara being brought into court again in a tougher case which would probably involved Mir (I thought he was a girl at first until I read more closely ^^;) and the outcome of this would determine how Equestria view changelings from now on. Apple Bloom already had a cutie mark in something else but once she heard that Mir was being accused of something he didn't do and no one would defend him she decided to take the case. (In a similar manner in Turnabout Storm because no one wants to defend the first-time murderer of Equestria. Also, I kinda had this running gag about Apple Bloom complaining about how she kept taking on court cases besides her actual job lately.) Diamond Tiara takes the up the prosecution of the case because Mir's (false) accusation is involved in her and her father's businesses, which is something she normally does whenever someone commits a crime on her business. (And as fate would have it, the cases Apple Bloom had to keep reluctantly taking involved Diamond Tiara's business cases so they met each other in the real court several times.) And that's one way of how these stories could be connected. Anyway this is a great story and I really love how you crossover those two series together.

I don't think the inclusion of a changeling distracts the story at all if you look at it in a connecting Phoenix Wright game. Most of the time the game has a bigger overarching plot over these courtroom case trials, sometimes you need to think out of the box, you know? :D So maybe the changeling could be a part of something bigger like my example above. ^^

As I said before, it wasn't the changeling twist by itself that really bothered me; it was the way it was handled. We were given much too vague of a reference to changelings for it to actually be a clue, there was no actual evidence that Berry Pinch was a changeling for Diamond to make that guess, and the changeling herself ended up a total Karma Houdini. Mainly it was all that that bothered me.

If it's part of a bigger, overarching story, I'll have to look at the final product to know how well it works as a whole. But without the other pieces, I can only look at what I've been given.

Glad that you liked it, though. You've got an interesting idea for a sequel.

I have to say, this in an intersting take on the Ace Attorney series. I have never played the game and will consider picking one up, but I've seen a let's play of the first game in the series to know some of the references used. Great job with this one, Yukito! And that resolution... damn, a changeling? That was too cute!

Applejack is the only one to do that. And even then it's a rarity. She usually uses it right, or she more than likely rather than say y'all uses, "sugarcube", or a nickname (Twi; RD; Rare; Flutters; etc.). But in 3 seasons other than the Sleepover with Twilight episodes. It's been used as a singular by AJ, relatively few times (still makes me shudder when it happens) [at least from what I've re-watched recently with my baby bro recently.]

Apple Bloom, Granny Smith, and Big Mac have used y'all as a plural. As is proper.

It's all good. It's something (to my eternal annoyance) that's a common misconception. Spread by way to many writers, to the point that a fannon fail, is misremembered and grossly exaggerated as cannon by tons of people who push that bit of linguistic butchery.