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You know a funny thing happened to me on the way to work this morning. The ride was going pretty smooth and all, until I got to the toll bridge. What the hell is this broad doing? Why the hell is it taking her ten fucking minutes to pull two dollars out of her ass to pay the damn toll? Come on bitch, they’re not giving away anything free or anything. It’s about fricking time that your ass paid up. Now get out of the damn gates so I can get my ass to work on time.

The next thing I know, I feel dumber than a red-headed step-child who just paid two-hundred bones for a one dollar whore (Are you offended? Well the Rock says, “It doesn’t matter if you’re offended!"). The lady had dropped down a twenty and paid toll for the next ten lucky sons of bitches, me being numero uno.

That’s right… I was a victim. A victim of a random act of kindness. And to be quite honest I felt pretty damn good, almost special. Someone actually had the kindness in their heart to give something out to a bunch of strangers. Pretty damn sweet I gotta say. What? Did I reciprocate and throw down another two bucks to continue the chain of kindness? Fuck no, that two bucks is my grilled cheese and fries sucker.

Of course, I’ve been sitting here hard at work and the thought occurs, “Why did she do what she did?” I got a good look at the back of her car. There wasn’t no Jesus fish or God Loves You license plate holder. There was no flower power bumper sticker. As a matter of fact, there was nothing at all. Now, I’m really thinking hard.

Maybe she’s some jacked up person who cooked a live turkey for Thanksgiving, and now she’s feeling guilty so she has to pay toll for ten people for the next ten years or something. Or maybe she’s some crazy ass chick who just got out of the looney bin, stole a car, found some cash inside, and thinking that it’s the year 2025 figured that inflation had skyrocketed the price of toll. What if she came home the night before, found her husband cheating on her with a bunch of dudes, was pissed because she wasn’t invited, so decided to take all the cash out of the bank and spend it like there’s no tomorrow? Hey all of these are possible right?

You gotta wonder why people are so nice to people. I don’t buy that good genes, bad genes garbage. Why? Because if that was true, there be a lot more Adolf’s and Chucky Mansons running around making our world a whole sicker place. You gotta agree that people do good deeds not because they’re inherently nice, but because they’re trying to get something.

Why do you think the company brown-nosers time it so they walk up to the door with the boss to open the door for him, every fucking morning? By now you’re probably saying, “But what about that random act of kindness crapola?” Hey look, people do things for underlining reasons. Either they don’t want their souls to burn in hell or want to avoid bad karma. Face it… it’s just kindergarten. If you want something you need to play nice. So now you’re saying, “Why are you taking your time out to write this article?” I have two simple answers… 1) I’m bored out of my mind at work and this keeps me from dozing off, and 2) I want one of them cool ass t-shirts I see Chris sporting around all the time.