me showering you with my love

2018

So I’m currently in London wrapping up some winter break business after five short days of golfing, eating, and sightseeing in Spain, and thought I’d check in before 2018 grabs us by the balls to remind us that it’s time to get our lives together. While 2017 had a rocky start (you Americans know what I’m referring to), it ended up being a really introspective and exciting year for me. While there’s a lot I learned and experienced this year, the most recent and perhaps exciting news received was my admittance into NYU’s class of 2022 (!!!).A few months ago, I wrote a post about the importance of trusting the universe’s plan and while I’ve spiraled like a wormhole since, I didn’t forget to bear this in mind. I KNOW I’m meant for NYU and so perhaps the universe did too and put me where I’m supposed to be, but if your college decisions (or anything else for that matter) didn’t work out as planned, you will be okay and you will thrive as it doesn’t necessarily matter where you are but how you take advantage of it.

Nonetheless I’m blabby and can never stay on topic, so back to 2018.

Everyone talks about resolutions around this time of year and personally I think it’s all stupid and superficial. We’re all probably scribbling the same thing in our beaten journals: Drink more water! Eat healthier! Work out more! Be kind! So I can assure you that my resolutions won’t be, though taking care of yourself and being a decent human being is something that shouldn’t be goals, but lifestyles. I think over the past twelve months, I’ve learned a lot about myself and the way I handle situations (good or bad) and found this year’s introspection embedded throughout my personal list of goals and aspirations for 2018 and beyond, so maybe this isn’t applicable to you but this is my digital journal after all.

Stop wasting time on people who don’t care

On the surface, I can seem unaffected and passive, but inside, I genuinely care about people’s well-being and sense of life. And while that’s not a bad thing, I’m kind of soft, especially toward people who couldn’t care less about me as a person. I’ve dealt with a lot of people’s shit over not only the past year, but the past seventeen, and news flash: I’m over it! I can’t force people to care about or love me, but I can let my dazzling personality and ambition do that for me, and that’s a lot more effortless. If someone doesn’t want to be a part of my life, that can sting at first, but it’s also just the way things are. Sometimes things work out and other times they don’t, it’s simply a way of life, so I’m just trying to focus on me, my ambitions, and my happiness, and let nature run its course.

Stop picking my skin

I self-diagnosed myself as a picker, I am ADDICTED to picking things. I don’t know the proper name for it so *insert scientific term for someone addicted to picking things*. When I was younger, I would pour full bottles (yes…) of Elmer’s glue on my hands so I could experience the satisfaction of peeling it off. Picking nail polish off with the pleasant surprise of it coming off in a clean sheet is beyond satisfying for me and peel-off masks are my fricking jam. While the nail polish and face mask peeling addictions still pertain, my Elmer’s glue addiction has become one that warrants my picking at my face. And so I need to stop for reasons we all already know: scars and the grossness factor.

Stop suppressing

I don’t think I suppress myself all that much, I do what I want and support myself but I find that a glimmer of me still suppresses who I am, my creativity, and my vision. Maybe I’m more insecure than I admit, but whatever is stopping me from unleashing everything in my heart can go to die this year.

Be more openminded

Another thing: I’d like to say I’m incredibly openminded, but after all the political tension of 2017, maybe not so much. Here I was, rooting for the colorful spectrum of humans while frowning upon those with different views than me. Maybe they’re not openminded about the same things I am, but that doesn’t mean I should dismiss their opinions, because they matter as much as mine. If I’m to call myself openminded, I have to be willing to attempt to understand the beliefs of others, not just my own, open-mindedness encompasses everything, you can’t pick and choose what to address, it just doesn’t work like that. Being more openminded toward people of different beliefs isn’t necessarily a new, cool thing I’m taking in for 2018, as I’ve grown to understand it a bit more in 2017, but it’s surely a goal I hope to continue and grow in the new year.