Tuesday, January 4, 2011

not motivated.

So I am kind of freaking out as I have absolutely no motivation to make any work. Mentally I want to be in my studio working but it just has not been happening and I am just feeling blagh towards it all. I am very excited about what I have going on in the studio and am looking forward to figuring out what is next, especially in regards to my text work. But I think that since I never get ANY time alone there, meaning without my mom hat on, that I am just getting disconnected.

I love being a mom and hanging out with t, which is almost what scares me, I want to maintain that fire in my studio and am scared that I will not. Partially the difficulty is that my studio practice has had to change so much. I use to be able to go in, put on my NPR and just zone out for hours really entering the work. Now I am just trying to get it made and I never get to zone out and just disappear into it. Plus with all the craziness of the holidays and being in Colorado I am just not use to being home and having my normal life at the moment.

So my fingers are crossed that as we both get healthy again, still sick and exhausted, that I will get back to that place of having my practice and discipline in the studio again. The good thing is I have to make a piece in response to a historical work for a show that I am in in 2012 by March so I think the deadline will be good to get my but to work. I have been here before and always make it through.

I feel for you - I have 3 kiddos, ages 7, 5, and 18 months...I still manage to make work but it is different. I used to need a minimum of 4 hours in my studio to get something done. Now I need 2. Somehow, motherhood manages to pluck out all the static and lets you just make things. Once you feel better and the holiday haze has left (it fogs all our brains) you will be inspired again and T will be part of your fuel for your fire. Let go mama, cut yourself some slack and let the ebb and tide of motherhood carry you along...she won't steer you wrong. xx