Going full circle..sort of

difficult child and I had a long talk last night. He asked to go to a sober house. Told him to research them and send me viable links. He sent me one "luxury sober living for men steps from Beverly Hills." Are you KIDDING me?

After much discussion, he opted to call the place he left two weeks ago. They asked him to come in today. It happened the guy he is staying with was going to be near there today (it's 80 miles away) and would take him. difficult child texted me after to stay they would allow him to return tomorrow and he actually left there bawling. Hmmmm

So, before I responded to him, I call the guy at the sober house. Asked him what he thought and what I could do which would increase difficult child's chances. Then I called difficult child and didn't tell him who I had just spoken to.

Here are the terms:
1. Pay two weeks rent in advance plus $125 for extra monitoring.
2. difficult child to have more drug tests, earlier curfews, etc. for two weeks.
3. difficult child's job is to get a job. 30+ hours a week. After he secures job, then car will return.
4. difficult child won't get any cash from me for food, etc. I will give to them. They will control.
5. Laptop and xbox stay with me. He doesn't need distractions right now nor easier contact with idiots.

This is part of what he told me last night - "Like I was saying though is that my mind wasnt right and i was an addict before I ever drank or used drugs. I had a failure to do anything in moderation like basketball, video games, running. I'm insecure, selfish, self centered, egotistical, and a lot more. I know all this. I need more tools to cope with these things without using any mood changing, mind altering substances."

This was the last message - "I hope we come to terms on this I'm not willing to be controlled. I want to recover but not on those terms. I will feel like a kid and it will add so much to my feelings of inadequacy." That was regarding my insistence he stay away from old playmates.

Finally, today's mail brought a subpeona from him to testify. It seems his closest idiot friend was robbed last week. Idiot friend's mother went to get difficult child so he could tell police what happened. She promised to hire security for difficult child if he would testify. Sure hope idiot friend's mother will be willing to bring him the 100 miles back for trial.

difficult child is also two weeks behind on his payments to another court for theft charges. Not sure what will happen with those.

Just so tired of all this.....I never ever thought I could get to a place where I dreaded seeing my child....where I truly feel no love for him. My al-anon sponsor suggested I write difficult child a letter. Pour out my feelings. Rewrite. Then hand write it. Send to sober house and ask them to give to him. He thinks it would be a last-ditch effort to get him to wake up. He's right...just won't be easy.

Tomorrow, I happen to have a doctor's appointment near the sober house at 9am. Told difficult child he would have to go with me. That means two hours in car...him waiting while I have my appontment and then we figure out something to do until 3pm when he can go back to sober house. Send prayers for sanity....

This is part of what he told me last night - "Like I was saying though is that my mind wasnt right and i was an addict before I ever drank or used drugs. I had a failure to do anything in moderation like basketball, video games, running. I'm insecure, selfish, self centered, egotistical, and a lot more. I know all this. I need more tools to cope with these things without using any mood changing, mind altering substances."

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This is very eloquent. Maybe I'm just too used to (almost) nineteen years old, whose answers to difficult questions are usually lots of "dunno"s and "what does that matter"s. Do you think those are your son's real words or something he is reciting because that is something he is taught to say and he knows that is what you (or others) want to hear?

You have so much going on I don't know how you are getting through this. I'm thrilled he is going back to the siber house, but he is still trying to manipulate things to go his way and he's going to have to give that up. If he's just using the sober house as a place to crash it won't work.

I was struck by what he said about being an addict before he ever drank or took drugs. I have always said that about my difficult child, she was an addict long before her first drug or drink. That's what is different about them and a non addict.

I hope he safely gets to the sober house and starts taking this seriously.

SuZir.....nope that's difficult child. The kid is a textbook classic inverted bell curve. He graduated near the bottom of his high school class yet won a highly competitive NASA scholarship. His university transcript is full of As and NCs no credit. He technically has a 4.0.....makes it all the more sad.

He's here now. Just praying to get til 3 tomorrow when I leave him at the Sober House.