Telling what it's like to work on recovering from the effects of alcoholism through Al-Anon

Friday, January 24, 2014

Moving right along

The backyard landscaping project is coming along. The walkway and patio are installed, and next week the fireplace will be built. I am looking forward to having the first fire out there. We have plenty of wood stored from the death of an old water oak in the spring. Months later, we finally finished splitting and storing it.

I was on the boat for a few days this week. It was as windy as I've seen it and cold. The boat was covered in salt spray so I gave her a good rinse down yesterday. Thankfully, I was able to stay warm with the propane heater going and a heavy double comforter with flannel sheets.

I have met with a new fellow I'm sponsoring several times over the last week. We are managing to get past the constant focusing on the alcoholic and are actually beginning to talk about what his actions are and how unmanageable his life is. I don't know how it's going to go when I sponsor a new person. Some are willing, some say they are willing but aren't, and some simply give up before any work is done. So far this fellow appears to be willing to do the work.

Trust is something that has to be established as part of a relationship between a sponsor and sponsee. I can feel that trust is being established as we talk and share with each other. I have been a trusting person all my life. It's odd that only in recent years have I learned to be more discerning about who I trust.

And I know that to a couple of people, I let them down. They trusted me to be who they wanted me to be, and I failed by being someone else who was imperfect. I have made amends to them for my part. That's about all I can do. Maybe one of these days, the realization will come that none of us is without defects of character.

In the mean time, I keep moving along in a positive direction. Discussions with the landscaper today were about the plants that we are going to put in along the new walkways in the backyard. Discussion with the new sponsee were about letting go of old ways and developing a new plan for living life. The magic of growing. It all feels good to me.

24 comments:

This is all so good, Syd. Your backyard is going to be just so gorgeous and you and your bride are going to enjoy it so much. What a great thing to do! Glad you survived the cold. I swear- you're so much more hardy than I am. I hate the cold and am staying huddled up in the house when I can. Keep doing the work you do. It is so important. For others and for yourself. Stay warm!

On Wednesday my Al Anon group spoke about letting people down and expectations. I am trying to shift my thinking from blaming others when they hurt or offend me to simply realizing I had expectations about the relationship that were not fulfilled. The other person did not necessarily do anything wrong, instead they just did not fulfill my expectations of what our relationship was supposed to (in my mind) look like. When we look at it that way we don't have to feel we failed. We all do our best.

dude...the walkway looks cool...having that fire pit will be really cool too....and since i have not used cool enough in this,. its cool that the relationship with that sponsee is coming along and you are developing trust...smiles, we all are imperfect, i have no illusions otherwise...did i mention that it is cool here...ha....7 degrees right now....brrrr.....

Mark, believe it or not, kudzu doesn't do well on the coast. But it does thrive in the midlands of the state. I think that I'll stick to non-invasive species here. Although some think that Wysteria can overtake a house much faster than kudzu

Beautiful landscaping...I think for *us* (the people in our program) letting people down is harder than being let down. I should speak for myself....for me that is the case. lol We are having some beautiful drought laden weather here! 70 degrees everyday. :o) Glad you had time on your boat....even if you had to bundle up.

First, your gift-yard is just magnificent! What a wonderful project. You have made many improvements and beautifications to an already beautiful estate, I think.

Hmmm, I would like to address that sponsor comment. It was honest, and I'm so glad you shared about your feelings regarding the wishy-washy-ness of some of the folks. Truth is, I was that way myself in the beginning. It took me 5 months of shopping amongst the groups to choose my rigid sponsor, but it was worth it. God directed me to someone who would not take any (you know) from me - arguing, or rationalizing, especially.

In all the years I have felt honored to sponsor special people, I guess I've met the same types you have. I was keenly aware and a bit fearful of those who would challenge my sharings and the way in which I found solutions, including a basic spirituality that I regained with the help of the 12 steps (yep, they helped me learn to shut my moiuth and listen for the message). I still frequently 'slip' with rude interruptions (this is a character defect I have struggled with) so that I would not forgot my 'important need-to-say' comment. (this statement is sort of a worldly amends - since I struggle with that one - grrrrr - )

Hope you're laughing now. Seriously, it is sometimes an emotional, intellectual, and spiritual challenge to make the light bulb go off in a sponsee's head, but when it does, sit back and watch the spiritual awakening happen. It travels from the sponsee to the sponsor, thus providing wonderful feelings of good communication between you. This is when I would thank God for having been asked to sponsor someone.

I guess that's all I wanted to say, here. For the people who got away, or those who detached from me, I have kept their names in my God Box. He does the rest - and I know how dearly loves each of us - no matter where we are, what we do, etc., etc.

It is indeed a challenge and an honor to be a sponsor. I keep having to remind myself that people work at their own pace and that I can only tag along for the journey for a while. Thanks for being here and commenting.

Syd, I love the walkway. For me, I have always dreamed of incorporating the outdoors into my home more. We are in a new home with two small porches but I am over the moon about having those spaces and hope to build upon them in the future. Okay, I am hoping you can help me out here because I've been racking my brain trying to remember the Al Anon saying that has to do with expectation. The saying says something about expectations setting us up for disappointment. I wanted to write it out and put it above my desk because it is a common issue that I have. Thanks so much. Your post was something I needed to hear today.

SYD! On the boat--cold or hot, that's the place to be...well, not TOO cold?

Pigeons, I've had so many I don't remember their names. Some stay, some move on, some, like one few weeks ago, blow their heads off. God is in chanrge of it ALL! Usually I ask God to give me the words He wishes the man to hear. Then if the man complains, I tell, him to "go see God, I did the best I could" smiles

Not living up to expectations, OMG. Have *I* fu--er, screwed up in that regard. And yet, all that is in the past (hopefully)...and never has my (ONE) apology been acknowledged, so again...it is in God's hands. And life is simple, yet not easy!

I'm glad I stumbled upon your blog. I've started my Al-Anon and decided to blog about it too. Thank you for having the courage to post your struggles and triumphs. I can't wait to go through the archives. Also, your backyard looks incredible!

I love your new outdoor space! No doubt you'll enjoy many special times out there. Reminds me to make the most of what I have and appreciate the beauty in my own backyard. Wishing you warmer days ahead!

Growth is a beautiful thing, both in people and the plants surrounding us. My garden has been booming with growth, we can't keep up with the tomatoes, so I have been sharing with everyone. They taste like candy. I recently had a few gals ask me to sponsor them. I am looking forward to walking the journey with them both as we go through the steps.