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Topic: Babysitting the "Precious" child (Read 24938 times)

First of all, I had a very hard time with the OP using the term "precious" and I find her palpable disgust for the kid rather off-putting. I really think it is probably best for her not to watch him in the future as I'm sure her opinion of him colors all of their interactions. And I understand that "sensitive kids" can be trying - my nephew is one of them and it is sometimes very exhausting dealing with him. But I feel for him that he gets upset so easily and I know my SIL worries about it a lot and has been trying to help him as much as she can- she reads books, she is considering taking him to counseling, etc.

That said, regarding the situation at hand - Did Fred come over to the house with a book or a game or anything? Because I can tell you for sure that at 12 I would have no idea what to do for any length of time at a park. At 12 I wouldn't have been into playing on the equipment any more. Or at least not in the same fashion that several 9 year olds probably would want to. So if he didn't have any other alternative with him, then what exactly was he supposed to do at the park? Perhaps if the OP does decide to watch the kids again, it would be best to suggest to Fred's mom beforehand that he bring something that he can do outside while the younger kids go to the park.

Jeez.....I have never been unkind to him and he doesn't "disgust" me.....he is just more high-maintenance if you prefer that term....

I don't think we need to harp on the "precious" label - it wasn't meant to be offensive - just an indicator of what dealing with him can be like. heck even my kids act "precious" sometimes and they are called on it too!!!!

First of all, I had a very hard time with the OP using the term "precious" and I find her palpable disgust for the kid rather off-putting. I really think it is probably best for her not to watch him in the future as I'm sure her opinion of him colors all of their interactions. And I understand that "sensitive kids" can be trying - my nephew is one of them and it is sometimes very exhausting dealing with him. But I feel for him that he gets upset so easily and I know my SIL worries about it a lot and has been trying to help him as much as she can- she reads books, she is considering taking him to counseling, etc.

That said, regarding the situation at hand - Did Fred come over to the house with a book or a game or anything? Because I can tell you for sure that at 12 I would have no idea what to do for any length of time at a park. At 12 I wouldn't have been into playing on the equipment any more. Or at least not in the same fashion that several 9 year olds probably would want to. So if he didn't have any other alternative with him, then what exactly was he supposed to do at the park? Perhaps if the OP does decide to watch the kids again, it would be best to suggest to Fred's mom beforehand that he bring something that he can do outside while the younger kids go to the park.

Jeez.....I have never been unkind to him and he doesn't "disgust" me.....he is just more high-maintenance if you prefer that term....

I don't think we need to harp on the "precious" label - it wasn't meant to be offensive - just an indicator of what dealing with him can be like. heck even my kids act "precious" sometimes and they are called on it too!!!!

Sorry, I just responded to one of your posts that I missed that explained the situation better. I apologize for my mischaracterization of your feelings. I understand the high maintenance issue, especially in light of the fact that he doesn't fallow your rules regarding the computer, etc.

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"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." - Dr. Seuss

It sounds like he's just used to being coddled to. At 12 he is more than able to understand house rules, he's just pushing because he knows that at home at least it sounds like mom gives in.

My neighbor girls tries this a lot. They don't encourage the kids to go out but I do. So When she comes over and I boot them outside the excuses start. " it's too hot, too cold, too buggy, too windy, she's too tired, etc.". When I persist in getting them out she starts in with the " but my parents let me..." and that's when I tell her I am not her parents and these are my rules, period. Her parents also let her throw trash on the floor, but that certainly isn't happening in my house either.

I'd go over expectations with both mom and PC present so everyone is clear and then stand firm if he balks. Good luck!

First of all, I had a very hard time with the OP using the term "precious" and I find her palpable disgust for the kid rather off-putting. I really think it is probably best for her not to watch him in the future as I'm sure her opinion of him colors all of their interactions. And I understand that "sensitive kids" can be trying - my nephew is one of them and it is sometimes very exhausting dealing with him. But I feel for him that he gets upset so easily and I know my SIL worries about it a lot and has been trying to help him as much as she can- she reads books, she is considering taking him to counseling, etc.

That said, regarding the situation at hand - Did Fred come over to the house with a book or a game or anything? Because I can tell you for sure that at 12 I would have no idea what to do for any length of time at a park. At 12 I wouldn't have been into playing on the equipment any more. Or at least not in the same fashion that several 9 year olds probably would want to. So if he didn't have any other alternative with him, then what exactly was he supposed to do at the park? Perhaps if the OP does decide to watch the kids again, it would be best to suggest to Fred's mom beforehand that he bring something that he can do outside while the younger kids go to the park.

Jeez.....I have never been unkind to him and he doesn't "disgust" me.....he is just more high-maintenance if you prefer that term....

I don't think we need to harp on the "precious" label - it wasn't meant to be offensive - just an indicator of what dealing with him can be like. heck even my kids act "precious" sometimes and they are called on it too!!!!

Sorry, I just responded to one of your posts that I missed that explained the situation better. I apologize for my mischaracterization of your feelings. I understand the high maintenance issue, especially in light of the fact that he doesn't fallow your rules regarding the computer, etc.

No worries....and I too am sorry if I came off harsh. He is a nice enough kid - polite and all.....and I would never force them to all intereact as one big happy group ( as you know I like my alone time too! ) it is just getting awkward to let him away with stuff the other ones don't.

I can see how people might wonder if there was an underlying issue based on his behaviour. I guess i just don't want to set an example for the other kids that "this is how you get away with stuff".

One poster mentioned that we have to adjust our expectations and i agree - to a point. After all with the age difference between mine they obviously don't get exactly equal treatment - the older one has more responsibilities but has more freedoms and that's just the way it is. This, however, just seems like entitlement and it does not seem fair to the others.

OP, this boy sounds a lot like a playmate I had when I was a child. We were neighbors, the same age, and both our families attended the same church. So I spent a lot of time with this kid. He was very sensitive in similar ways, and unfortunately his mother and much older sisters only fed this. Not saying your situation is just like this (as in the parents encouraging it), but IIRC correctly it was exhausting dealing with him, and I was only a playmate!

I think 'go to the park' is a red herring. The OP is saying, 'Entertain yourselves for a while outside'. The child lives in the neighborhood and has been watched by the OP before. He knows what the expectations are, he knows what his options are. He just doesn't like them. He prefers to nag, then whine, then sniffle until he gets his way.

You are certainly within your rights to send the kids outside if you want a break, but it does seem as if you don't care for this boy and you think his behavior is willful. I am the mom of an aspergers boy and this kid's behavior sounds just like my sons. I don't know of any typical 12 year old that would cry over being asked "whats wrong?" I think Fred may have some issues. I'm sure many parents in my neighborhood think that my son is "Precious and spoiled" but they have no idea how he suffers and how hard we work to help him.I think you got some great suggestions here on how to re-direct him to read, take a walk or bring a game next time. It can be very trying to deal with an overly sensitive child but a little kindness and understanding goes a long way.

I'm sorry....but I don't understand what you are trying to get across.

I actually did relent and let him stay in and went to some trouble to suss out if there was any problem. Some of the posters who took exception to my asking the children to go outside seem to be forgetting that fact.

My etiquette issue is trying to delicately...and kindly....explain that the rules are for everyone.

I might add....and this is a bit of a separate issue but it seems to be going this way so I will include it : He is a loner which is fine....but i will expressly tell them that nobody is to be on the computer ( it just degenerates into fighting over it in the past ) and he will ask to go on when i have expressly and clearly said no. Same old thing - the other kids move on and he asks over and over in twenty minute intervals with the same tiny voice and "but my mom lets me".

He knows full well he shouldn't be asking and I do tell his mom about it later.

I say no but feel like the ogre. I personally think he just doesn't think the rules apply...and yes I will admit I find him trying.

HA! My response to that phrase and all its variations - "Do I look like your Mom?" And OP, you're not an ogre for letting him know that he's not exempt from the rules. Just keep repeating them and don't give him any more inches.

But rules aren't for everyone....Older kids have different rules then younger kids , familes have different rules , guests and residents have different rules. "Your house your rules" I don't think trumps " my kid my rules" while I do not think this mom has an issue with you sending him outside. I do think she is communicating "I bother to make him go outside" but not saying " I do not wish you to force him to go outside". It sounds like your not just irritated how he acts in your house but how he acts at home, while your kids are being sat there? That you really don't have any control or say over.

I think it is part of babysitting to offer reasonable alternatives. You're goal wasn't "go to the park" but "go be outside" so suggesting riding his bike , laying on the grass looking at the clouds , reading a book , counting ants whatever would be an appropriate step to take. Big but coming , but trying to enforce a rule that his mother has giving up on is more then you signed up for.

I'm guessing from your post either he doesn't have many friends his age or there are no kids his age within playing vicinity. Frankly that would make most people "sensitive" I really sounds like he annoys you and that you have zero empathy for him , I'd suggest you don't babysit him in the future.

I want to tell it from the other side of sensitive. My son was labeled as 'sensitive by his 2nd grade teacher , so much so she asked he see the school social worker. The result after 2 sessions was the social worker had a special meeting with that class about bulling. Turns out one of the things sensitive meant my son didn't like a classmate "shoulder checked" him every-time he walked past and would say every time "hey stop bumping into me" didn't , cry whine or shout just said "stop". I get that kids playfully bump each other but I also think boys have a right to say "don't touch me". BTW I never spoke to the social worker so I did not influence her decision the descriptor of the 'sensitive ' behavior came for the teacher.

I work at a tutoring center in the summer, and can see the formation of Fred here with one of my students.

He will take 10 minutes to get to the room and settle. While all the other kids walk right in, he has mommy come, and sit for a while. Admittedly, these are young grade school.

He will say he cannot pour his own water, mommy does it for him. He can di it just fine, but will walk very lazily and if I do not watch him closely, he will purposely slosh a bit.

When it is book work time, and he does not like the assignment, he will refuse to pick up his crayon/pencil and then say, "mommy does not make me do this work."

when I had him sit and work, instead of play, he claimed I "hurt his feelings."

At activity time, he wanted to work with another boy who was tired of him that day, so Fred fussed that the other boy was mean. Absolutely No bullying was going on, the other boy had just spent his limit on Fred.

And then mom is almost always late for pick-up, and smothers her little boy with huge hugs and kisses and says, "oh my sweet boy, I left you here all by yourself! I am so sorry to have had you be all alone! let's go have lunch, any place you choose."

Methinks this Fred in the making may have a hard time as he gets older.

As for the original story,

I think people got off track with the watching a show bit. She could have said "a few moments to myself" with out saying what she did and people could assume anything from a headache to a long bathroom break to making private phone calls, etc...

I think the OP did fine. Next time, she could shoo them all out but Fred could stay in the yard while the rest go two doors down to the park.

I do like that numerous posters say take a book outside, instead of a hand held electronic device. That would be Fred's item, I bet!

And, no computer is just fine. DD has been caught texting the person she was sitting next to. Lame! you are in the real world--interact with it!

Honestly, babysitting is not sending kids to the park against their will while you wztch tv. If they want to go it is one thing but it is unreasonable to force it on him.

Wanting to be undisturbed by children while you are babysittingcouldcome off as a bit "precious", too.

POD. The kid has anxiety issues and this problem is not going to go away anytime soon. I think you should decline to babysit in the future because I believe that this boys knows he irritates you and that just ramps up his anxiety level even more.

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Always be polite, even to nasty people. Not because they are nice, but because you are.

I'm wondering if "Fred" is in the early stages of puberty. At age 12 my brother and DS were intolerable. Hypersensitivity was rampant as was a general ennui. DS once burst into tears because I forgot to buy chips for dinner.

OP, perhaps if you pulled Fred aside and said "I know you don't want to be outside, but I need a few moments to myself. You can take a book and sit on the porch or go to the park with the other kids but you need to go out for 20 minutes". Giving him a timeframe might make it less difficult.

You may not be able to stem the tide of tears for every instance so be prepared for them to happen. If he says "my mom lets me be on the computer" you can say "I'm sure she does, but this is my rule and it applies to everyone".

I'm wondering if "Fred" is in the early stages of puberty. At age 12 my brother and DS were intolerable. Hypersensitivity was rampant as was a general ennui. DS once burst into tears because I forgot to buy chips for dinner.

OP, perhaps if you pulled Fred aside and said "I know you don't want to be outside, but I need a few moments to myself. You can take a book and sit on the porch or go to the park with the other kids but you need to go out for 20 minutes". Giving him a timeframe might make it less difficult.

You may not be able to stem the tide of tears for every instance so be prepared for them to happen. If he says "my mom lets me be on the computer" you can say "I'm sure she does, but this is my rule and it applies to everyone".

This seems quite likely.

Not that it makes it any less annoying when they get clingy and weepy, mind you, but it's easier to react calmly when you know where the whiny behavior is coming from.

I'm wondering if "Fred" is in the early stages of puberty. At age 12 my brother and DS were intolerable. Hypersensitivity was rampant as was a general ennui. DS once burst into tears because I forgot to buy chips for dinner.

OP, perhaps if you pulled Fred aside and said "I know you don't want to be outside, but I need a few moments to myself. You can take a book and sit on the porch or go to the park with the other kids but you need to go out for 20 minutes". Giving him a timeframe might make it less difficult.

You may not be able to stem the tide of tears for every instance so be prepared for them to happen. If he says "my mom lets me be on the computer" you can say "I'm sure she does, but this is my rule and it applies to everyone".

This seems quite likely.

Not that it makes it any less annoying when they get clingy and weepy, mind you, but it's easier to react calmly when you know where the whiny behavior is coming from.

Thinking about the age we're talking about, this is a possibility. I agree with the above as something to consider.