and stuff I figured out on my own

25 Reasons I Eat (FYI… Hunger is #25)

I have gained a bit of weight over the past year. The good news is that, as it turns out, my thyroid is underperforming. I am very disappointed in my thyroid for not being more of a team player. The bad news is that while a daily dose of synthetic hormones (yummy) will eventually improve the day-to-day performance of my lazy-ass thyroid, I will probably have to get rid of the existing pounds on my own. Sigh.

A friend suggested that a good first step would be to keep a food diary for a couple of weeks. This seemed painless, and you can eat while you record your food intake, so…

Two weeks later, I know a lot more than I want to about what I eat, when I eat, and most importantly, why I eat. And one thing I know for a fact is that hunger is not the #1 reason I shove food in my face. In fact (spoiler alert) it is #25 out of 25. Surely I cannot be the only woman who eats just because…

It is breakfast time

It is lunch time

It is supper time

There is something edible less than an arm’s length from my body

I am in a grocery store

I am unpacking groceries

I am making food for someone else

Someone near me is eating and is willing to share

I am sad

I am angry

I am depressed

I am happy

I am bored

I have done something good and deserve a reward

I have done something bad and must be distracted from my guilt

I am drinking (my record keeping indicates that I consume the equivalent of 2 square inches of cheese and 8 crackers for each glass of wine)

Something in the refrigerator is nearing its expiry date (so I eat half a package of hot genoa salami instead of an apple because apples literally last forever!)

I am lonely

I am with friends

I am watching television

I am reading a book

It is past 10pm and I am still awake

It is stormy outside

I am at a movie theatre (because movie popcorn is made of crack cocaine and unicorn kisses and no one can resist it. Google this… I am sure it is a fact!)

I am hungry

Note: While writing this article I became overwhelmed by the need to nibble on a cookie… or two… or the entire first row inside the OREO package. So I guess “I am writing” must be #25, which means that “I am hungry” is #26. Sigh.

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