Meet McTV: McDonald’s is Launching a TV Channel

McDonald’s is getting into the TV business. According to the Los Angeles Times, the company is launching a digital network that will beam original content — including sports, local news, and entertainment programming — straight to the people who choose to dine at one of its many locations.

Titled the McDonald’s Channel, it is expected to be seen by about 18 to 20 million people a month, who really won’t have much of a choice but to watch:

‘While they’re in line getting their hamburger there is no escape,’ said Allen Adamson, a managing partner of Landor Associates, a firm that specializes in brand building. So-called in-store networks are ‘one of the last bastions where you have a captive audience.’

One could argue that anyone who is in a McDonald’s has already given up on life, so they might as well be forced to watch more company propaganda. With that in mind, FishbowlNY thought it would be helpful to suggest some segments that could be shown. Here are just a few:

“Chosen Fry.” A drama about a man who finds a french fry that looks exactly like Jesus, and the price he pays for the discovery. The FBI wants that fry and the Catholic Church wants it to disappear forever. How far will he go to protect the salty savior?

“The Happiest Meal.” A romantic comedy about an odd couple (she’s a neat freak lawyer who doesn’t have time for relationships, he’s a bad boy musician who wears his passions on his sleeve!) who find love after learning that they both — despite it being so silly! — really enjoy Happy Meals.

“Guess What? I’m Stupid!” A reality show that documents people surprising their loved ones by telling them that they eat a lot of McDonald’s. Each reveal begins with the person saying the catchphrase, “Guess what? I’m stupid!” then telling their close friends/lovers why they think eating three Filet-O-Fishes for lunch is fine even if their hearts do stop beating “sometimes.”