Posts Tagged ‘Will I be pretty’

When I first heard Katie Makkai’s slam poetry piece ‘Pretty’ (I am not posting it here – you can easily google it) I was conflicted. But then … no I’m actually not.

I can agree that Katie Makkai’s piece succeeds in showing her passion about a topic. I’ll give her points for soliciting an emotional response from her audience, which is what slam poetry is supposed to do. But I disagree with her premise and here is why.

I don’t think there is anything wrong with teaching my daughters how to apply makeup and style their hair, nor do I think there is anything wrong in helping them choose clothing that is flattering to their bodies. I don’t think there is anything wrong with encouraging them to maintain their bodies. I do the same for myself, because as a woman I like to feel pretty. There, I said it. I like to feel pretty and I don’t think there is anything wrong with letting (encouraging!) my daughters to feel pretty. Isn’t feeling pretty one of the perks of our sex?

Is there more to it? Of course! And it’s my job to make sure they understand that while it may be the outward that first attracts a man’s attention, it will be what she has to share on the inside that will hold his attention.

A mother’s job is to show our daughters how to be a beautifullydecorated gift that is filled with smiles, laughter and happiness inside. And coincidentally, my daughters have never asked “when I grow up, will I be pretty?” because they’ve been called pretty since birth.

Growing up I never once heard my mom mention her weight or try out a new diet. We ate a variety of food and had a typically stocked pantry that often included Twinkies or a bag of chips. I remember the day distinctly when I first compared myself to a magazine photo. I was a senior in high school. My bestie at the time made the comment “what I wouldn’t give to have her flat stomach” or some similar version in reference to the model. Huh? I tell you the truth, it had never occurred to me to compare myself to the advertisement. My mom, who was comfortable with her own body, was a stronger influence on my own self image than the borage of messages that Katie Makkai’s poem’s hurls at the listener. Let me repeat, my body image was largely shaped by my mother.

I wonder how Katie Makkai’s daughter is going to feel someday

when all the other little girls are allowed to experience prettypretty princess parties

but she is not allowed to attend. Will her mother’s poem actually solicit

a reverse affect for her daughter? Instead of saying

“you are more than this one word” will her daughter instead believe “she must really think

I am ugly since she won’t even let me attempt to be pretty”.

And just to be clear, I believe the most probable path to happiness and true fulfillment is for my daughters to be wives and mothers. To accomplish that task they will need to do the following:

Attract the attention of a man

Have something nice to say

The rest is up to them!

Sorry Miss Makkai- it’s an old saying,

but you have to get your foot in the door before you can seal the deal!

And while I too hope my daughters will be pretty intelligent, pretty creative, and pretty amazing…

they will also go on to be pretty fulfilled as a wives and mothers…with pretty kids, by the way.