(Closed) has waiting improved your relationship?

My bf and I have always known we’d get married, but now that it is a real, looming thing in the future, things seem to have shifted for the better. He’s always been a good bf, but now he is even more future oriented, he helps more around the house, he’s always cooking or baking, more attentive in general and things just seem to “flow” around here more than they ever have. It’s nice. Yesterday I made a curry while he made a stew and baked cookies and then we went and watched fireworks with friends. Total domestic bliss.

Our relationship has always been good and it’s grown and improved but I don’t think it’s because of waiting. I think it’s just because things get better the longer you’re with your perfect partner. But it has strained my relationship with my mother. My family is Catholic, his is Jewish and my mom thinks I have no business getting married to a Jewish boy, despite the fact that we are both nonpracticing and have come to terms with our differences in religion. Hoping she gets over herself soon.

I believe for most of the bees on here waiting has been pretty stressful. It certainly was for me until I knew 100% he was going to do it and we began ring shopping together etc, then yes, since then it has been nice because I have that assurance and excitement for the future and all the lovey-dovey feelings that go along with it. But before that I was a wreck and really upset and stressed out and second-guessing decisions I had made; it was definitely a stressful time in our relationship, and we had several talks to reassure me that we were on the same page and headed in the direction I wanted us to. Knowing you’re committed to someone and ready to take that step, and waiting for them to decide if they feel the same = not good for any relationship!

When I was waiting, it was because he had the ring and he wanted to surprise me with it. Unfortunately, I freaking hate surprises. For the month that he had it and wouldn’t give it to me, I held it together decently well with a ton of support from the bees. Once I talked to him about my frustrations after a day I was sure he would propose, he proposed the next day. It wasn’t as romantic as he had wanted, but it made me really appreciate him taking my neurosis into consideration :).

We just celebrated our 13 year anniversary yesterday, and our wedding is in 1 month. Although we have to listen to the jeers like, “it’s about time”…I feel like it is so much more special because it took so long for us to get here. Many of those people who crack that joke have been married/divorced in the past 13 years. Although they make jokes, I’m more satisfied to be in my shoes than theirs! And I’m hoping that if we made it this far and still want to get married…then were doing something right regardless of our timing.

It has been the only serious problem in our relationship too, minus my depression which probably could have ended us, had he not been so patient. Don’t get me wrong, it’s frustrating some days and I LOATHE when someone says “boyfriend” *ugh*, but having this mutual goal to save for a ring definitely makes things easier. You ladies should maybe ask your men if there’s anything you can do to help. It might make you feel better knowing that you have some semblance of control over the situation.

In a way, I think waiting has improved our relationship. It’s given us both a chance to realize things we need to work on to have a better and happier relationship. For myself, I didn’t fully realize some things I did that I needed to change, and I can honestly say that he has made me be and want to be a better person. I have never worked on a relationship this much before and it has made this the best relationship I have ever had. Now if only he would just want to propose!!!

waiting is getting easier and the bratty tantrums have decrased in frequency since I joined the bee! But I still have difficulty with the topic- his sister has been with her SO for a shorter time period and just got engaged- and this has delayed his proposal, which I am certain was originally planned for our anniversary vacation next weekend!!! Ergh!

I feel exactly the same way purplebee. I wanted to get married a couple of years in, but I wasn’t in the right place and it wasn’t for the right reasons. I wouldn’t have wanted to marry me then either. Friends are always jealous of our relationship and think that we just have it oh so easy, but it takes work and compromise and we don’t just coast along all the time.

Not at all!!! Waiting has only turned me into this anxious weepy person (at least that’s how I see myself at the moment). I don’t enjoy a minute of it–simply because I am beyond ready to get married to this man, after nearly 6 years together. I’m sad to say that waiting has taken a lot of the joy out of the relationship. It’s only those (rare) moments when he reminds me that it will happen that I perk up and feel like a giddy school girl. Yup, that’s my life in a nutshell at the moment!

Waiting used to be the only thing wrong with our relationship, now it’s turned into what you described, sherryberry, he’s really attentive and he’s been MUCH sweeter and more loving to me in the past couple months. Not like he wasn’t sweet or loving before because he really was, but it’s like amped up now. His gifts have gotten even more thoughtful, he’s cuddlier, and you can tell he means it more now when he agrees that he misses me too. I think it’s because both our men are ready to propose, they just don’t have the money/logistics/ring yet but will as soon as they can.

Now that I think of it, if you asked me 6 months ago, I would’ve said it’s improved it too. Sure, there’s been stress with waiting, but ultimately it’s improved our relationship because we KNOW each other! I’ve seen him at his absolute worst and he’s seen me there as well; I know all the dirty secrets in his family and he knows mine; I can predict a lot of what he will think/feel/do, and he knows me like the back of his hand likewise. We are going into marriage with eyes wide open, knowing we can get through anything and trusting each other from experience. I’m not saying that others who date for shorter amounts of time don’t, I’m just saying we have a lot more evidence to back up our predictions. It’s like the difference between faith and knowledge – both are good and equal but I prefer knowledge over faith, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have faith.