How to Make Him Miss You

You know, the one who makes plans based around her boyfriend's/husband's schedule. The one who often claims she can’t come out on girls' night, because that’s her time to spend with her other half. Though we love our friend, it becomes frustrating and unbalanced when her whole, co-dependent life revolves around her significant other.

Well in this season's RHONYC, Aviva Drescher is that girl. In the latest episode, Carole invites the ladies to St. Barths, and while all of them enthusiastically agree to go, Aviva says she wouldn’t go unless her devoted husband Reid comes along. “I really haven't gone away on girls' trips since my twenties. Reid is my best friend and I really hate to leave him,” she says as the other women roll their eyes.

Here's my take on why "me" time is important:

The value of independence
A relationship is made up of two people. In order to pull your half of the bargain, it’s important to be whole. To be complete in yourself is to do things on your own. A relationship shouldn’t be a need, but instead be a bonus to your life, to all that you have already. It should complement your life on your own. Once it becomes a need, then you are giving your power away by depending fully on another. When you are able to take care of yourself, only then can you have a healthy, balanced relationship.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder
There is a bit of allure in time apart. By going away for a mere week, it gives both you and your partner time to miss each other. This can be very healthy, for when you reunite, it all feels new again and puts a higher value on the little daily things you both might take for granted.

The "what if…?" factor Aviva, a once divorcée, should know more than anyone that relationships have the possibility to come and go. When we put everything we have into our relationship and don’t do anything without our partner, it sets a bad precedent. All we know for certain is ourselves. I’m sure you have friends who have gone through breakups, and subsequently felt like they lost their life. This is because they didn’t balance their friendships when they were in a relationship. By having hobbies and doing things with your friends, you’re ensuring that your life and well-being doesn’t depend on your partner and this relationship. After all, the most important relationship you’ll ever have is the love affair you have with yourself. A partner is there to support you, not to hold you back.

Relationships work best when the balance of power is equal. It’s important and healthy for a woman to have time for herself and her friends, outside of the relationship. Doing just that will make her a complete individual.

Jen Kirsch is a relationship expert, columnist and blogger. For quick tips and tricks, follow her on Twitter @jen_kirsch. Read her posts every Tuesday on Slice.ca.