Jennifer’s Story to FINALLY tell

It was high school graduation night, 1990, in Tucson. My best friend and I went to a party after graduation to celebrate. Yes, it was a drinking party. I wasn’t a big drinker. In fact, I rarely drank. when I did, my friends were shocked. I was typically the designated driver to get my drunk friends home on the weekends. Well, it was graduation night and I decided to have a little fun, drinking. I did not have a boyfriend. I was having fun hanging out with people I knew and some I didn’t. The party was at a house. We were not to go inside. The back doors were kept locked so none of the kids could enter the house. Well, after having so much to drink I needed to go to the bathroom. I went to the back door and asked if I could use the bathroom. A guy friend of mine, [EK], that I knew from high school came up behind me and told the person “guarding” the door that I really needed to go to the bathroom and asked if they would let us in. We were let in. [EK] followed me to the bathroom where he shut the door behind us, laid me down on the bathroom floor and raped me.

It has taken me 27 years to actually admit I was raped. Tears come to my eyes, which has never happened before, as I write this. I knew I was raped, but felt I deserved it because had I not been drinking it wouldn’t have happened at all. I would have NEVER let him in the bathroom with me. I probably wouldn’t have even needed to go to the bathroom. I blamed myself because I was drunk. He laid me down on the bathroom floor as I lay there rolling from side to side saying no repeatedly. He pulled my pants down and climbed on top. I told him I had never had sex before. It didn’t matter to him. He said it would be OK. After he was done he then proceeded to give me oral sex. My period had just ended and I think I had discharge coming out because I remember him spitting at me. I began crying and wobbled to the toilet. I told him I didn’t want to get pregnant and told me not to worry because he didn’t cum inside me.

After that happened I don’t remember what happened the rest of the night. I was drunk. I had just gotten raped. I think I was disoriented. I do remember finally making it to someone’s car and falling asleep until the next morning. I woke around 6 am. I told my best friend, [A], the next morning what happened. I also told another good friend of mine, [J], the next week about the incident with [EK] on graduation night. I saw his girlfriend at a party the week after and for some reason was mad at her about what happened and called her a bitch. [EK] was not there. In fact, I never saw him again.

I have been to counseling over the years, sharing my story. They have tried to convince me over the years I was raped. I didn’t believe them. It wasn’t until now, when so many sexual abusive stories have come to light that for some reason I can finally admit I was raped. I was raped. [EK] raped me. He knew I was drunk. He knew what he was doing when he helped me get into the house to go to the bathroom.

I had some pretty good make outs in high school, but that was the extent of my messing around. I had never taken my clothes off for anyone, taken anyone’s clothes off. I had never even touched or seen a man. I was a pretty innocent kid that decided to drink on graduation night. I did not sign up to be raped though. [EK] is scum. He knew what he was doing like so many of these men I am now reading about in the media. It’s crazy! This happens all the time. It’s so sad. I now realize I am NOT alone and I did NOT deserve this. It is NOT OK for these men to take advantage of us.

I’ve never written my story. It’s sad to FINALLY get it out. It’s good to FINALLY admit the truth. I was raped. I was taken advantage of. I made some poor decisions in my life based on what happened to me that night. Fortunately, I was able to get back on the path I was comfortable with and had known most of my life. I have been married for 16 years to a wonderful man that has complete respect for women and just all human beings in general. We have 4 children. We are just busy with life, but having fun going through this journey together. My oldest child is a 13 year old girl. I will never share my story with her. I pray she never has to go through anything like what I did.

A few years after graduation I was at a U2 concert in Phoenix. I was standing on a chair to get a better view of the band and an old man wrapped his hand around my leg inching his way up my skirt. I was fully aware this time of what was going on and stood my ground. I pushed him away and away he went. I did not see him in the crowd again. I know I can say no. I told [EK] no that night repeatedly. I remember saying no, no, no, no. I may not have been screaming it. But, even in my drunken state I knew I did not want to have sex. I did all that I could considering the condition I was in to try to stop [EK]. He knew exactly what he was doing. I hope he has not hurt others.

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The When You're Ready Project is a community for survivors of sexual violence to share their stories and have their voices heard, finding strength in one another. When you're ready to share your story, we will be here.