– I would like to apply for the intern position for your Surfline. Factory work has always suited me.

– I have noticed the constant malfunction and errors of the Surfline. And, I believe I can make a difference in its performance. Machine to machine interaction yields superior results while human interaction yields the inverse.

– I would love to answer to a heartless human master. Overcrowding your users’ favorite lineups and blowing out their secret spots and vacation destinations is amazingly provocative entertainment! I too exist without a heart.

– In reference to the March 23rd, 2009 Surfline press release I’ve noticed the Surfline cited it’s high standards of journalism in the firing of Lewis Samuels. Although I am a robot and don’t readily understand humor, I find the idea of your Surfline holding a high standard of journalism hilarious! I feel that I can contribute to this brand of humor wherein one claims qualities not possessed.

I have included my clippings, as well as a portrait of myself with my foster family, The Rickies.

Blip Blip Hum Screech ,

Brobot

PS – If I am not chosen for this position I can highly recommend my friend and colleague, Fletcher’s Monkey.

A Michael Jackson estate spokesman draws similarities between the two icons

Like the “King of Pop” Michael Jackson, who died at 50 years old last month, the surf world’s “Bible” finds itself long past its glory years, unable to perform, and unrecognizable to fans.

A spokesman from the Michael Jackson estate, who says the star didn’t surf but followed the magazine, couldn’t help but mention the coincidence while delving into Jackson’s archive of Surfer.

Reaching toward a 50th birthday this year, Surfer magazine and its parent company filed for bankruptcy—a situation Jackson had also been teetering on for many months. But it was the magazine’s moral incontinence and lack of loyalty to fans that caused the Jackson estate spokesman to comment publicly. At the media conference, increasing similarities came to light; like the fact that the two icons went through young people to such an untenable extent, that in later years, both were forced to rely on interns and foreign labor.

Surfer forced to sell coveted WhateverLand Ranch property

Sadly, both Jackson and Surfer tried unsuccessfully to reverse course in their final days. In an effort to shore up his finances, Jackson scheduled a series of concerts in London he was clearly unfit to perform. For its part, Surfer forced its staff to take two weeks of unpaid leave and 20-year contributing photographer Tom Servais was dismissed simply because the magazine owed him money it didn’t want to pay. These actions, the spokesman claimed, reveal the nature of the magazine’s decline—examples, he said, of deadbeat practices much like Jackson’s hundred thousand dollar pharmacy bill left unpaid.

One of the world’s greatest performers in his prime, to the credit of his later years, Jackson held enough dignity to die when his star had faded to such a weak glimmer.