Self Update #2: Stress In, Stress Out.

I’m a stressful person. I’m always stressed, whether I want it or not. Sometimes I don’t even know why but I can feel the stress creeping through my body. I wonder if I will ever be able to control it. Is that even a possibility? Can you control something that is already controlling you? Okay, less thinking, I’m starting to stress over this..

Being a very organized and kind of compulsive person doesn’t make it any better. I like my stuff where I can manage it. I like situations under control. New things? Nah, that’s not for me. Anxiety is a way of life, though. Don’t think it’s easy to live like this, it takes my work to think, over think and stress over things I can’t even control. I would say it’s a way of art. Anxiety comes in all shapes and sizes. Sometimes you can feel it coming, sometimes you can’t. You think you are relaxed and then bam! That familiar feeling starts to kick again.

However I’ve been quite relaxed the past few months, I can’t deny it. I think I might be growing up after all -adulthood starts to feel good. But it hasn’t been an easy way. Practise makes perfect, they say. In my case, I think that experience is key for everything. As I said before, new situations really scare me. Like the fear you feel when approaching to a cliff with no rope. They make me feel anxious, because what if I do something wrong?What if I let people down? So many unanswerable questions that I will happily stress about for the whole time. But then again, I always forget that I´m learning. Constantly. I should probably tattoo that. Learning is a process and mistakes are good. After all that may be the reason of my stress, the fear of making mistakes. But, practise makes perfect and there´s no perfection without trying. So there you go. Stressing over everything is easy. Not stressing at all is.. complicated.