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Thursday, January 6, 2011

Today was a difficult day. The reasons aren't important, but I was about as conflicted, tired, and tested as I could be at that moment without actually being torn apart from the inside.

I did ancestor work earlier today and still had the candle on their altar burning. I decided it was getting late and that it was time to blow out the candle. When I got to the altar I began to sob. No trivial, polite tears, these were the wrenching sobs of the despondent. With no forward, no introduction, and no warning they began tearing through me. I felt myself held by many arms. As I wrapped my arms around myself I felt them holding me, the countless dead. As I rocked back and forth I knew I was held, knew I was protected and loved. I felt their tenderness and cried all the harder.

I am no longer crying, but the candle is still burning. After I post this I will make myself a hot drink and take care of myself as they would -- with love, comfort, and acceptance.