Tuesday, March 8, 2011

This morning before school Gabe had a massive flip out and started wacking my car with his lunch bag. Hard. Like swinging a baseball bat. And you're thinking, what horrible thing must've happened for him to resort to such a thing? Well, according to him we were late. Of course it was the same time we leave every morning so his feeling was completely an internal barometer that had no base in reality. Plus, Daniel and I had been sitting there ready to go for the past 20 minutes. We were waiting on Gabe. But once he was ready nothing happened fast enough. True to form this week I did NOT therapeutic parent him. I yelled. I grabbed him and physically made him stop. And all the way to school I lectured...loudly. As I pulled away from the school I began to pray. And almost before I got a word out God said, "What are you doing asking him to control his anger when you can't even control yours." Essentially, first take the log out of your own eye genius. Well, I don't know if he said the genius part, but maybe. I happen to think sarcasm is a gift from God so why wouldn't he use it on me? Anyhoo. He then began to point out that all week, the week in which I had totally dropped the therapeutic parenting ball, I had skipped my morning quiet time. How in the world, He asked, can you pour out my love if you haven't even gotten filled first? So, in the car on the way home I apologized, asked for forgiveness, and told them what God had said to me. They loved when I said God wanted me to control my anger first and I threw in a "busted" like they say when they get caught doing something wrong. I told them how I hadn't had my time with the Lord and I needed to get up and get filled with the Holy Spirit every morning. I reminded Gabe how we talked about getting better sometimes being hard work. I told him it is VERY hard for me to get out of bed early, but I am willing to do what is hard so that God can use me. At this point it was bordering on lecture again so I shut up. Gabe said he was sorry too. And I believe he was, but that won't stop him from doing it again. Such is the suckiness of trauma. But God is good. And even this neverending trial of a lifetime is a gift from Him. On that note you have to go read Katie: http://www.kissesfromkatie.blogspot.com/. I pray for the grace to keep saying "whatever" to God.