Holographic TV

Carra's first, as captain

Liverpool have won their 3rd Super Cup after super sub Djibril Cisse came off the bench to score the goals to beat CSKA Moscow 3-1 after extra time in Monaco tonight.MATCH REPORT

Wasn't quite as dramatic as Istanbul, even though we came from a goal down with just 8 minutes left on the clock - but the game did give enough reasons to be a bit more optimistic after the disappointing first couple of league games.Sissoko looked great once again. Garcia also proved what an excellent addition he is to Rafa's side with an excellent display.

The star of the show, however, was Djibril Cisse. Coming on with 14 minutes to go, he scored a lucky one for starters (it was his run that made the goal possible) taking the game into extra time. Then a second, a much more convincing one, and then he beautifully set up a pinpoint cross for Garcia to head in comfortably and make it a near-perfect night.

Carra was all smiles lifting his first cup as captain and Cisse grabbed all the attention once again with his now trademark 'Lap Dance' to the cup.

And the winners - it seems - will be Liverpool. They look likely to agree a fee of around £10m with Real Madrid for Michael Owen, who for some reason does not seem in the least bit interested in joining Newcastle. The Reds will need only a £4m deposit for Owen. MORE

Are You A Redneck Jedi?

To celebrate the release of the "Dukes of Hazzard" in the cinema here's a little quiz for y'all to see if you fit the redneck bill. Enjoy

You might be a Redneck Jedi if...

You ever heard the phrase, "May the force be with y'all."

Your Jedi robe is camouflage.

You have ever used your light saber to open a bottle of Bud Light.

At least one wing of your X-Wings is primer colored.

You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok.

You have ever had a land-speeder up on blocks in your yard.

The worst part of spending time on Dagobah is the dadgum skeeters.

Wookies are offended by your B.O.

You have ever used the force to get yourself another beer so you didn't have to wait for a commercial.

You have ever used the force in conjunction with fishing/bowling.

Your father has ever said to you, "Shoot, son come on over to the dark side...it'll be a hoot."

You have ever had your R-2 unit use its self-defense electro-shock thingy to get the barbecue grill to light.

You have a confederate flag painted on the hood of your land-speeder.

You ever fantasized about Princess Leah wearing Daisy Duke shorts.

You have the doors of your X-wing welded shut and you have to get in through the window.

Although you had to kill him, you kinda thought that Jabba the Hutt had a pretty good handle on how to treat his women.

You have a cousin who bears a strong resemblance to Chewbacca.

You suggested that they outfit the Millennium Falcon with redwood deck.

You were the only person drinking Jack Daniels during the cantina scene.

If you hear . . . "Luke, I am your father . . . and your uncle."

If you answered yes to more than one of these questions, congratulations you are a cracker knight, now use your powers for good not evil......and question your parentage.....and possibly what that last meal consisted of. (Mynock stew again ma?)

Friday, August 26, 2005

Joke of the Day - Hell hath no fury........

One morning while making breakfast, a man walked up to his wife and pinched her on the butt and said, "If you firmed this up, we could get rid of your control top pantyhose."

While this was on the edge of intolerable, she kept silent. The next morning, the man woke his wife with a pinch on each of her breasts and said "You know, if you firmed these up, we could get rid of your bra."

This was beyond a silent response, so she rolled over and grabbed him by his penis. With a death grip in place, she said, "You know, if you firmed this up, we could get rid of the gardener, the postman, the poolman and your brother."

Well, it was inevitable really. We have drawn Chelsea in the first round.....Who'd have thunk it?

Still, I know that there are no easy games in Europe any more, but looking at the teams in the group we have there is an extremely good chance of going through.

Anderlecht shouldn't be a problem and we have never played Real Betis before. This leaves Chelsea (the current favourites for the title) we have proven they are beatable and, that we are capable of handing out that beating.

I don't think that Chelsea hold the fear factor over us that they did going into the semi's last season. In fact, I would go as far to say that Chelsea possibly wanted this draw less than us.

More laughing at Everton

Joke of the Day - Girls Night Out

Two women, who had been friends for years, decide to go for a Girls Night Out, and were decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails.

Incredibly drunk and walking home, they needed to use the bathroom. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a head stone or something.

The first woman had nothing to dry herself with; she thought she'd take off her panties, use them, and then throw them away.

Her friend, however, was wearing a rather expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers, but was lucky to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on one of the graves. So she dried herself with the ribbon.

The next day the first woman's husband phoned the other husband and said, "This girl's night out thing has got to stop right now. My wife came home last night without her panties."

That's nothing," said the other husband, "Mine came home with a card stuck to her butt that said, "FROM ALL OF US AT THE FIRE STATION, WE'LL NEVER FORGET YOU . "

Other Uses of Coke (the soft-drink)

Below are some wacky uses for Coca Cola that have been sent in by readers

Clean Your Kettle:Craig Barry from England writes; "This is a crazy tip my grandmother used to de-scale her teapot/kettle. Add a 2 liter coca cola (the real thing!) to you kettle and let it settle for a day. Then rinse your kettle out a few times and wipe clean and kapow its clean! Your kettle is now de-scaled and dirt free!" Thanks for sharing Craig!

Common Cold:Take some fresh ginger and put it in a pot with a can of Coca Cola. Let it come to a boil and then cook on a low heat for a few minutes. Drink while warm. It will ease your cold symptoms!

Too Much Information:In many states the highway patrol carries two gallons of Coke in the trunk to remove blood from the highway after a car accident. (this one has got to be a myth!) Kym from Washington State writes; "I thought that I would inform you that the information on your website about the highway patrol carrying coca cola in the back of their patrol cars is not a myth. It is indeed very true. The reason for it is that it "eats" the blood off the concrete and looks like water therefore it is not so noticeable as kitty litter or sawdust. Thought that I would clear that up for you. I have worked for the state patrol clean up crew for a number of years." Thanks Kym!

Relieve Jelly Fish Sting:Coke can also be used to relieve the sting from Jelly Fish. All you have to do is pour the Coke over the sting.

Gum in your Hair!:

This tip was sent in by Linda from Texas; "Just take the gum coated hair and dip in a small bowl that has some Coca Cola in it. Let sit for just a few minutes and the gum will wipe right off." Thanks Linda!

Odd Stuff

The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time television were Fred and Wilma Flintstone.Coca-Cola was originally green.Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the US Treasury.Hawaiian alphabet has 12 letters.Men can read smaller print than women; women can hear better.City with the most Rolls Royce's per capita: Hong KongState with the highest percentage of people who walk to work: AlaskaPercentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28%Percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%

Funny Adverts

MSM Want the War

'Think about it: The reporters who cover politics are comfortably insulated from the war -- the violence and death of American soldiers to them is an interesting talking point on the Washington cocktail party circuit, nothing more. And besides, they cynically look at it all as a spectacle that makes for good TV -- rather than a national security crisis, and a human disaster.'

EXCLUSIVE: this.is.anfield wallpapers!

Beaten Liverpool progress to CL Group Stages

Liverpool scraped through to the lucrative group stages of the Champions League after an 1-0 defeat against CSKA Sofia saw them progress 3-2 on aggregate. Full Match Report

MATCH REVIEW BY BENNYC

I was working, so was unable to see the first half. I did however manage to sneak the second half in. (On video boss if you are reading this...) Which, by all accounts was the half to see.

It was by no means a classic European night at Anfield. The crowd seeming a little subdued for much of the game.

Barring the result, we didn't seem to ever be troubled and in patches were moving the ball about very, very well.

Riise ran his legs off and should have got a couple of goals.

Not sure what is wrong with Nando at the minute, but I think he is having some sort of crisis of confidence. His movement and passing was good, but he resigned mostly to a midfield role, thus isolating Cisse.

In the end we were making some great chances but were a bit toothless up front.

Not taking anything away from CSKA though, Valentin Iliev was immense and, as well as the goal, made some great challenges and interceptions. The keeper was good too.

Any other day we should have had a hatful.

The result was a disappointment. The second half display (in places) was phenomenal. We just need to sustain it over 90 mins.....encouraging signs still.

I have never believed managers when they say "this player is the next...." but Momo Sissoko reminded me of a very young Patrick Viera.....the boy was good.

All things considered it still looks good for the future...

RAFA HOPES FOR A GOOD OMEN DESPITE DEFEATRafael Benitez felt Liverpool were unlucky to lose 1-0 to CSKA Sofia at Anfield and preferred to look to last season as a good omen when the Reds lost a match to Grazer AK and then went on to win the Champions League.

Meanwhile, here are some photos from the game last night. If you have more, please email them to dan.thisisanfield@gmail.com (without watermarks only)

Keyra Augustina, The Video

M A X I M P H O T O S H O O TThe editors of Maxim must have been following this case since Keyra is featured in this month's Argentinian Issue. And we can't thank them enough as we finally get to see better quality pics of this babe. On to MAXIM's most asstastic pictures ever (obviously nsfw):

Flash Game of the Day - Johnny RocketFingers

He's a Problem Solver,He's Suppish,He's Johnny Rocketfingers!While sitting at a bar Johnny is asked to help track down a lost child. Like any upstanding citizen he is willing to help out any way he can as long as he gets paid.

Sunday, August 21, 2005

Babe of the Day - Kristanna Loken

Non-Football Joke of the Day

Martin wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table. He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. Martin looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotless, clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table. "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping. Love You!"

So he goes to the kitchen and sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper.

His son is also at the table, eating. Martin asks, "Son, what happenedlast night?"

His son says, "Well, You came home around 3 AM, drunk and delirious. Broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door."

Confused, Martin asks, "So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"

His son replies, "Oh, that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you said, "Get your hands off me, bitch! I'm married!"

Moral of the StorySelf-induced hangover -- £50.00Broken furniture -- £1,000.00Breakfast -- £5.00Saying The Right Thing to your wife when you are Drunk -- PRICELESS!

Finding it hard to be Politically Correct? Not Anymore!

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. She is not a BABE or a CHICK - She is a BREASTED CITIZEN.2. She is not BLONDE - She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.3. She has not BEEN AROUND - She is A PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION.4. She is not an AIRHEAD - She is REALITY IMPAIRED.5. She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY - She gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED.6. She does not have BREAST IMPLANTS - She is MEDICALLY ENHANCED.7. She does not NAG YOU - She becomes VERBALLY REPETITIVE.8. She does not have PREMIER LEAGUE HOOTERS - She is PECTORALLY SUPERIOR.

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. He does not have a BEER GUT - He has developed a LIQUID STORAGE FACILITY2. He is not a BAD DANCER - He is OVERLY CAUCASIAN.3. He does not GET LOST - He INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.4. He is not BALDING - He is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION.5. He is not a CRADLE SNATCHER - He is GENERATIONALLY DIFFERENTIAL.6. He does not get FALLING-DOWN DRUNK - He becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL.7. He does not act like a TOTAL ASS - He develops RECTAL CRANIAL INVERSION.8. He is not a MALE CHAUVINIST PIG - He has SWINE EMPATHY.9. He is not afraid of COMMITMENT - He is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED