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Topic: I can see this becoming an issue-help me be polite, its gonna be tough Pics #40 (Read 32123 times)

I have to agree with Twik, my DD's are learning to care for our animals (rabbits, cat, fish) but we have to tell them how much the cat needs, they do not know it all by themselves. Fortunately our cat is very understanding and will tell me when he gets too little right away .If parents are not that involved, then I do not think the kids would guess it is too little or too much. Also: they need to learn the discipline involved in : "Yes it is raining, yes it is cold, yes it is early, but your rabbit still needs his food and water."

Edited to add: The above is etiquette advice; I'd also consider consulting an attorney for legal advice to make sure that the kid and his family cannot have contact with you or with the dog, if that's possible.

« Last Edit: October 21, 2011, 10:02:18 AM by Lisbeth »

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I think a 10 yr old boy is old enough to know that dogs need food/water/shelter etc.

I agree with Twik on this, how would a 10 or even a 15 year old child know how to look after an animal if he has never been taught how? I blame the parents for not looking after the dog & for letting their child think this is okay.

The parents may never have been taught how either, or they may have assumed their kid knew. I would think a 15 year old at least should be held responsible for his own pet. Maybe that's what the parents were doing-trying to make him be responsible for whatever he took on for himself.

That said, it does look like they did a poor job of parenting if they realized the dog was in trouble, and did nothing about it.

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I think a 10 yr old boy is old enough to know that dogs need food/water/shelter etc.

I agree with Twik on this, how would a 10 or even a 15 year old child know how to look after an animal if he has never been taught how? I blame the parents for not looking after the dog & for letting their child think this is okay.

When I was 13 my parents finally got me a cat (actually 2!) after years of pleading. They were to be my responsibility solely. My parents had no previous experience as pet owners whatsoever.

I knew they needed food & water etc, but honestly? I had no idea how much. One can a day each? Two cans a day each? A cup of dry food? 1/2 a cup? The bags had some hint as to how much to feed them but cans were poorly labeled. This was before internet. I basically winged it for a while and considering both cats were healthy and one lived to be over 20 years (the other tragically was in a fatal accident... but was quite happily fat at the time) clearly I figured it out. But really its not like its overwhelmingly obvious how much to feed an animal.

Heck I remember 2 years into cat ownership someone was appalled to hear I flushed the litterbox contents. Apparently this is awful for plumbing. I had no idea! What tween reads the bag of kitty litter?!?!

I think a 10 yr old boy is old enough to know that dogs need food/water/shelter etc.

I agree with Twik on this, how would a 10 or even a 15 year old child know how to look after an animal if he has never been taught how? I blame the parents for not looking after the dog & for letting their child think this is okay.

The parents may never have been taught how either, or they may have assumed their kid knew. I would think a 15 year old at least should be held responsible for his own pet. Maybe that's what the parents were doing-trying to make him be responsible for whatever he took on for himself.

That said, it does look like they did a poor job of parenting if they realized the dog was in trouble, and did nothing about it.

The kid's not 15 though; that was part of a hypothetical. The actual kid is about 10.

And at any rate, even if the kid was supposed to be feeding the dog etc., the parents are in charge and are supposed to be where the buck stops. If their kid was supposed to be caring for the pet but wasn't doing so, the parents should have either stepped up and done it themselves or rehomed the dog. You don't make a pet suffer for your kid's mistake. (ETA: so I basically agree with your final sentence.)

I think a 10 yr old boy is old enough to know that dogs need food/water/shelter etc.

I agree with Twik on this, how would a 10 or even a 15 year old child know how to look after an animal if he has never been taught how? I blame the parents for not looking after the dog & for letting their child think this is okay.

The parents may never have been taught how either, or they may have assumed their kid knew. I would think a 15 year old at least should be held responsible for his own pet. Maybe that's what the parents were doing-trying to make him be responsible for whatever he took on for himself.

That said, it does look like they did a poor job of parenting if they realized the dog was in trouble, and did nothing about it.

The kid's not 15 though; that was part of a hypothetical. The actual kid is about 10.

And at any rate, even if the kid was supposed to be feeding the dog etc., the parents are in charge and are supposed to be where the buck stops. If their kid was supposed to be caring for the pet but wasn't doing so, the parents should have either stepped up and done it themselves or rehomed the dog. You don't make a pet suffer for your kid's mistake. (ETA: so I basically agree with your final sentence.)

Glad to know we agree.

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Knowing that this kid/family neglected the dog to within 1 week of death I never would've acknowledged that the dog had been his.

I would not let him visit, pet, or otherwise engage the dog. Why should anyone be allowed to renew contact when they starved and tortured a poor dog? Keeping it in a small enclosure for years? Seriously? These people have lost the right to have anything to do with the dog.

But I sincerely doubt that a 10-year-old boy (especially one who reacted to Rocky as you describe) had anything to do with "starving and torturing" a dog.

I think you're being very kind, OP. I originally thought I wouldn't let the kid have anything to do with him either ... but your description won me over. And I agree with others that, just perhaps, you could be showing this child how pet ownership is really done.

I think a 10 yr old boy is old enough to know that dogs need food/water/shelter etc.

Hold up, didn't you say that kids shouldn't do any chores in another thread? Surely that means that it's the parents fault by default?

I have to say that a kid may know the abstract of "dog needs food", but I'd like to see the kid that can pop down to Pets at Home and can both carry AND afford the amount of food a bull terrier breed gets through. My dog costs me about £50 a month in food, plus it takes a car trip because the bags of food are so damned heavy.

Knowing that this kid/family neglected the dog to within 1 week of death I never would've acknowledged that the dog had been his.

I would not let him visit, pet, or otherwise engage the dog. Why should anyone be allowed to renew contact when they starved and tortured a poor dog? Keeping it in a small enclosure for years? Seriously? These people have lost the right to have anything to do with the dog.

But I sincerely doubt that a 10-year-old boy (especially one who reacted to Rocky as you describe) had anything to do with "starving and torturing" a dog.

I think you're being very kind, OP. I originally thought I wouldn't let the kid have anything to do with him either ... but your description won me over. And I agree with others that, just perhaps, you could be showing this child how pet ownership is really done.

I think a 10 yr old boy is old enough to know that dogs need food/water/shelter etc.

Hold up, didn't you say that kids shouldn't do any chores in another thread? Surely that means that it's the parents fault by default?

I have to say that a kid may know the abstract of "dog needs food", but I'd like to see the kid that can pop down to Pets at Home and can both carry AND afford the amount of food a bull terrier breed gets through. My dog costs me about £50 a month in food, plus it takes a car trip because the bags of food are so damned heavy.

Not mention expecting a kid to realize "There's something wrong with Sparky; he needs to go to the vet," and getting his parents to take him there.

My family got a cat when I was seven and she was my mom and my responsibility. When I was about 13, I noticed she was having trouble breathing. My mom, dad, and grandma kept brushing it off as "a hairball." My grandma even suggested sticking the handle of a spoon down her throat to push the "hairball" back into her stomach (!). But I knew there was something wrong and it took close to a week of me whining and stomping before they took her in to discover a raging respiratory infection. And these were people who loved animals and would never DREAM of abusing or neglecting one. How could a kid who never learned any better and has neglectful parents see that a dog wasn't doing well, decided it needed veterinary care, get it to a vet, and pay for it?

I think at 10 years old a kid can make a logical extension of self. "If I need food and water, so does the dog in our backyard." He might not make the connection, without being told, that if the kid needs medication for a cold, maybe the dog needs medication so he doesn't get heartworms or other worms. Plus he might have noticed the dog wasn't feeling well, looked bad, but had no means with which to get care for him. He can't drive, has no money of his own, and if his parents were allowing this to happen, they might not have listened to his pleas to take the dog to a vet. He recognized the dog and asked if he could visit, which tells me he cares for the dog at some level. Without knowing more it's hard to say what his level of involvement was.

Regardless of all that - every animal control officer, vet, cop, EVERYWHERE, will say that a child (legally defined as under 18 years old) cannot legally own a dog nor be held responsible for its care. The person who IS responsible is the adult(s) of the household -- namely the boy's parents. Pretend the boy doesn't exist for now - the ones you really want to yell at are the parents who SHOULD have seen what was happening and take care of it. I don't personally buy the "I wasn't taught to take care of a dog" -- often times it's common sense. If you're feeding a dog and it's getting skinnier, it's sick. Take it to a vet. If it's walking funny, check the nails. You don't like to have long nails, neither do they. Etc -- and if you're not sure -- ask someone with more experience. A friend, a vet, something.

In terms of legality, you're in the clear, obviously. You don't even need to tell the parents that YOU were the ones that took Rocky to the shelter and then adopted him from it. You can say "We adopted him from the shelter. Here are copies of our legal paperwork. If you disagree, go talk to the shelter about their policies." At that point, the shelter can react appropriately (i.e. press charges for cruelty) if the people do show up there. I wouldn't say anything about "oh his life was so terrible before, isn't it good he's safe now?" It'll just make them mad. Say that it's a bit of a coincidence you live so close. If the parents say something like "Oh, he's a good dog, we just didn't have time/money for him." You can say, "I'm sorry to hear that. It must have been hard. Look, your son can visit him every now and then and play with him, make sure he's happy." If you're comfortable doing so, of course. Maybe offer to meet at a local park for a run-around time every few weeks if you don't want them at your house.

Knowing that this kid/family neglected the dog to within 1 week of death I never would've acknowledged that the dog had been his.

I would not let him visit, pet, or otherwise engage the dog. Why should anyone be allowed to renew contact when they starved and tortured a poor dog? Keeping it in a small enclosure for years? Seriously? These people have lost the right to have anything to do with the dog.

But I sincerely doubt that a 10-year-old boy (especially one who reacted to Rocky as you describe) had anything to do with "starving and torturing" a dog.

I think you're being very kind, OP. I originally thought I wouldn't let the kid have anything to do with him either ... but your description won me over. And I agree with others that, just perhaps, you could be showing this child how pet ownership is really done.

I think a 10 yr old boy is old enough to know that dogs need food/water/shelter etc.

Hold up, didn't you say that kids shouldn't do any chores in another thread? Surely that means that it's the parents fault by default?

I have to say that a kid may know the abstract of "dog needs food", but I'd like to see the kid that can pop down to Pets at Home and can both carry AND afford the amount of food a bull terrier breed gets through. My dog costs me about £50 a month in food, plus it takes a car trip because the bags of food are so damned heavy.

The OP said the boy was about 10, also that the dog had been there for about 3 years. This is what happens when parents do not take responsibility for teaching their children. How would he know any better? The fault lies directly on the parents. Teach your child how deal with life.