Norman Rockwell raised his bitter cup,
toasted witnesses, and died willingly today. He
chose
hemlock over strangulation for having misled a generation.

Following the notorious Charlie Brown trials,
the Federal Bureau of Book Burning brought
Charles
Schulz from his cell this morning. Jailed for his treasonous depiction
of
qualities
unbecoming a Superpower...doubt, indecision, and shyness, he watched
the
burning of Charlie and Linus.

Science triumphed today in the resurrection
of Emma Lazarus. Her advocacy of the
lower
classes and huddled masses is deemed sedition, for which the judgment
is "rendition."
Her clone was flown to Gitmo for re-cyborging, electro-correction, and
some water-boarding.

Demolition of the Lincoln Memorial was
begun yesterday. The politically incorrect
landmark
will be replaced by the new Brotherhood Monument, ending decades of
bitterness
between North and South. Giant figures of Abe shaking hands with
Jeff Davis will tower over the reflecting pool, guarded days and
floodlit nights, Abe
for
saving the Union and Jeff for his civil rights.

Jeb Bush announced for President today.
He will run on the proven platform of his family dynasty:
freedom from addiction to foreign oil. His running mate, he was pleased
to
say, the fully acquitted Kenneth Lay.

Our sacred First Amendment has been reaffirmed.
The Supreme Court ruled
pornography
fully protected speech, cleared for broadcast on all media: music,
internet,
television - dishes and cables. And apple pie will carry warning labels.

We once thought we all were protected...by
the press...from the thugs we elected,
that
the power elite couldn't cheat us too much, when exposed by Woodward
and
Bernstein and such. A newsman once was a hero, ala Cronkite and Mencken
and
Murrow. But now Rupert Murdoch and big corporations own all the papers
and
radio stations, and the likes of Fox News turns its talents to protecting
our
fairness
and balance.

And they discovered this about headlines.
You can air any problem, scandal, or
catastrophe
and be amazed what the public will swallow up, as long as there isn't
a
follow-up. "Nothing in depth" is the rule, because, of course,
most problems are
far
too nuanced, complex, and involved. Just mention it briefly in passing
and the
people
will think it's been solved.

So don't worry about health care, education,
global warming, war, torture, corruption,
lobbying,
leaking, and lying, or wiretapping or domestic spying, because the real
news
is who Ben and Jenn are kissing...or, better yet, a rich, white girl gone
missing.