Friday, 21 December 2012

Sometimes I hide away from my kids

I don’t hide in a difficult place
where it’s hard to find me.No, not at
all.I practically hide in plain
sight.Well, sort of.Put it this way, my kids actually know my
exact location when I’ve gone in hiding.It’s hardly a secret.However,
what is a secret, is the lie I tell them when I’m hiding.

The trick with lying to your kids
is in ensuring that you never get caught out in a lie.Because that would be dreadfully bad.As in really bloody awful.It is very difficult being all pious and “lying
is very bad” when you do it yourself.And
get caught in the act.Red handed so to
speak.It completely ruins your good
parent mojo.

So, this is my modus operandi. I tell my kids that I “quickly” have to go to
the loo.Then I very sedately, yet
filled with anticipation, practically waltz down the passage into my
bedroom.That would be my en suite
bedroom – conveniently with a bathroom excuse “on tap” so to speak.Wicked, I know.

So the question is this – do I then
proceed with my ablutions?Dear heavens,
no!I never even needed to go in the
first place.Firstly, I lock my bedroom
room, ensuring my safety.And then, and
only then, once I’ve assured my privacy, I flop down on my bed and just lie
there for a few minutes.Not a long
lie.Definitely not a sleep.Just a few quick minutes – perhaps five or
so.Sometimes I read, but mostly I just
lie.I take my glasses off and look out
at the green hazy and very blurry view outside my bedroom window.The little creeping “vineyard” that grows on
the veranda.Nothing is defined due to
my lack of spectacles, but I know exactly what it is none the less.The sunlight dapples through and the blurry
green mass flutters and moves in the wind.I stretch out fully and fling my arms wide above my head, taking up as
much space as possible on the bed.Sharing
and economy of movement is the last thing on my mind.

So what do I do then?I just lie.I let my mind drift.I breath in
and out.I think happy thoughts.I rejoice in nothingness.In not being needed.In not being busy.In not rushing.In just being.

Oh my kids have a little
radar.All three of them.A radar, coupled to an alarm that goes off
the very instant I’m not available to them.And following the triggering of their alarm, they will come and knock on
my door – a few times.All three of them
usually.To which, I quite calmly reply –
“I’m busy – I’ll be with you just now”.This
of course barring a life and death crises.And perhaps even then, they’ll get the same “I’m busy – I’ll be with you
just now” response.It tends to work
like a charm.Alternatively, if they don’t
get the message, I blatantly and shamelessly ignore them.They always “know” what I’m doing when I’m in
my room and my door is locked.They think
I’ve gone to the loo.Works every time.

The thing is this.Sometimes I just need a break.Even just a little one can leave me feeling a
bit more refreshed and ready to take on the world and three kids once more.

So do I feel guilty for both
hiding from my kids and lying to them?Hell no!Not even one little
drop.This is the only occasion where I bend
the truth a bit.Honesty is key and of
the utmost importance.It forms the
basis of mutual trust and respect.

Well, perhaps I’m not being
entirely truthful here.Because although
this is the one and only instance where I continually lie to my kids, there are
a few other grey areas too.But maybe
they are not lying as such.More an
altering of the truth to protect the innocent.

Like when I tell them “no, we
would never eat chocolates and biltong without you” – we all know that
chocolates are bad for their teeth and health and that biltong is raw meat –
just saying.So I’m actually protecting
them.Or when I say to them “I don’t
think you should have prawns and crayfish – children never like them – you could
get seafood poisoning”.Hey, it is sort
of true.And the fact that it leaves
more for Grant and I to enjoy is pure coincidence.Or when I say “Mommy and Daddy are so
tired.We’re just going to go for a
little nap…….”

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