You *Will* Survive Folsom Weekend (And Your Ass Will Too)

* You’ve raided Trader Joe’s, stocked up on beer and rented/torrented enough Galactica episodes to last through Monday.
* You managed to get a decent hotel, and remembered your collar and leash.
* All bets are off: you have a rubber cowboy suit complete with sidearm squirt guns filled with Astroglide.

If you’re not hunkering down and waiting for the leather storm to pass — estimated 400,000 visitors for the Folsom Street Fair and all its auxiliary events this weekend, here are a few more guides to help you navigate the lack of taxis, overpriced (but strong) SOMA and Castro drinks, and all the eye-popping bacchanalia you’ve ever hoped to see this side of the black-and-blue rainbow. The thing is, Folsom’s not the only event shutting down neighborhoods this weekend — there’s the Love Parade downtown Saturday, a bike ride across the Golden Gate (also Saturday), a mini-marathon closes off Embarcadero to Presidio Sunday, and North Beach is clogged for a fleet blessing Sunday, too. It’s enough to make a girl hang up her whips and give her puppies (you know, that kind) a rest — except Folsom is fun — and all entry fees go to a good cause or two, so enjoy — and dig these helpful guides:

Don’t miss the city-wide, boot-licking fun — or the chance to make sitting down a painful event (fond memories!) in your cube farm for the next week and a half:

* Folsom is Sunday — here’s a (Gmaps) map of the blocked off streets. Basically, it’s Folsom between 7th and 12th, and don’t even try to park by Rainbow General.
* All peripheral Folsom leather events are here — mostly for gay men.
* (Friday through) Sunday at noon in San Jose is Folsom Fringe, an smOdyssey all-gender/orientation speaker event and vendor faire, providing transportation Sunday to and from Folsom.
* Saturday is an open dungeon play party at The Citadel, “This Shit Will Fuck You Up”.
* Perverts Put Out: Folsom Edition is also Saturday night — a lit-geek-pervy event not to be missed if you’re in town for the weekend. Highly recommended especially for the presence of Daphne Gottleib, Thomas Roche, Steven Schwartz, horehound stillpoint, and emcees Carol Queen and Simon Sheppard.
* Ultimate event, Saturday night: The Folsom Eve Ball (NSFW link; mmm, galleries) is at Kink.com‘s Porn Palace. Need I say more?