“Electronic” dating

The new flick, “He’s Just Not That Into You” has a line I absolutely love. “I had this guy leave me a voicemail at work, so I called him at home. And then he emailed me to my BlackBerry, and so I texted to his cell. And now, you just have to go around checking all these different portals just to get rejected by seven different technologies … It’s exhausting!”

So any thoughts on texting and dating and what is appropriate? It seems the old calling is going out the window and being replaced with text and (IM) chat.

I hate talking on the phone so I don’t mind. I even find myself initiating it, but the old fashion girl in me still thinks he should call. All the anxiety that comes with waiting is part of a relationship.

Oh, I’m going to lean into this one – because I feel very strongly about it. I realize times are changing with advances in technology – but in this area nothing is better than a 1:1 conversation. If you really like someone, make the call. I remember calling my (now) husband after our first date and asking him out.. I was so excited and hearing the surprise and excitement in his voice – it makes me smile just thinking about it.

You know, if I had sent him an email or a text I wouldn’t even have this memory. It just occurred to me, I have NO IDEA how to flirt via electronic medium. I’m so NOT the emoticon type – thank god I’m not single.

It’s risky, there is a lot that cannot be said in an email, that can be conveyed in a conversation without using words.

I think email and texting and IM are very valuable tools these days for dating. While I agree that there is a lot that can be learned by tone of voice, much can also be learned from the turn of phrase someone uses, the cadence and flow of an email and the general tone of a conversation. IM and email do have tone and I’ve found it’s a pretty good indicator for later phone conversations. I’ve had decent success moving from email and IM to phone conversations. In today’s age of online dating, I’d rather give someone a throw away email address than my phone number. You can always give it out after a few good conversations. It can help separate the wheat from the chaff, so to speak.

As someone in her mid 40’s, I’m not up on the techno-dating/flirting thing. For one thing, give me a phone # and only 1 phone #. After we are more involved, I’ll get your office, blackberry, home, cell etc.
In the early stages, I want to talk to you as a way of getting to know you. I don’t want to have a series of rapid exchanges via text or IM. Those things are great for quick things like “I’m running 10 minutes late” but not as a means of getting to know someone. IMm’s a great for random exchanges but I don’t want to have to decide whether someone is a potential life partner based on them. It’s like basing a reatinship on soundbites. You can choose to hide far too much when most communication is via text or other “short form.”