A Moderately Hilarious Problem

Gilligan opens the front door.Me: I have a moderately hilarious problem.Gilligan: Did you lock yourself out of the house?Me: Nooo… See? Keys. (Holds them up.) I dropped my phone in the sink.Gilligan: Ah.Me: And then I was going to put it in some rice. But it turns out we don’t have any rice.Gilligan: Come on in.

The worst part is, this is that second time it’s happened. The first time I sneezed at an inconvenient moment. Which was worse than that time I sneezed and changed lanes. but not as bad as the time I sneezed so hard I tore an intercostal muscle.*

This time I was just not as coordinated as I might be in navigating my bathroom. Well. That’s the short version of the saga. The long version involves burnt feet, congested mobile service, and a severe sleep debt. By the end of which I decided that it wasn’t that I shouldn’t be allowed to operate tech near water, it’s that I shouldn’t be allowed to operate me period when I’m that sleep deprived.

Which is to say: I need a nap. And also, you should probably not try to call my phone for a few days while I get a new one. I’ll try to keep this one out of the bathroom. And the kitchen. And the rain. And away from the river. And no fountains. Maybe no restaurants… Or I could just… sleep. Sleep is good. I’m going to sleep now.

* I’ve spent my whole life having doctors look at my funny for one reason or another, but I think that marks the point where they started to laugh. Seriously, he figured out what happened and then almost fell out of his chair cause he was snickering so hard. My current doctor is much better. She just shakes her head fondly and says, “You’re so weird. You know, medically.” I tend to reassure her that I’m pretty weird most ways, so it’s not out of character.

I did not. Perhaps I could still salvage the situation, reputation-wise and walk around now saying, “See, this is what happens when you…” Actually, I can’t think of anything my phone did wrong. It was a good phone. It enjoyed sitting on my couch with occasional adventures into base-jumping and pocket-riding. It made me laugh and smile, and occasionally very confused. It will be missed. Well, until I get another one.