Pages

Monday, 4 October 2010

Intensely annoying people 1 - Train station faffers

I expect my documentation of people I find irritating to become an ongoing thing, and I'll begin with people who are really really slooooooooooooooooooooowwwwww in front of automated ticket barriers. If you don't use trains much, you probably won't appreciate just how mind-blowingly frustrating this is.

I will set the scene a little:

It is before 7am.

You have <2mins to get on your train from arriving in the station (who wants to get up earlier to hang around in Cambridge station?)

You have just spent a stupid amount on a ticket, so your debit card is crying a little.

My debit card should be taken into care.

You are then confronted by this:

Yes, two women have decided to have a conversation in front of the luggagey/bikey ticket barrier. Who the hell wants to talk about X factor at that time in the morning anyway? And can someone PLEASE explain the point of mini-ryvitas? Why don't you just take a normal one, bash it into bits and put it in a sandwich bag or something? I expect it is all to do with the current school of thought that

ANYWAY, being British, I of course didn't say anything to the offending people in my way. I just glowered in what I thought was an intimidating manner. My death ray glare obviously got through eventually and they made a move to GO THROUGH THE BLOODY TICKET BARRIER LIKE REASONABLE HUMAN BEINGS.

Of course, they had put the tickets they had bought minutes before in their purses, wrapped them in clingfilm, tin foil and sellotape and and buried them in their handbags. For safe keeping. For the 2 metre walk from the ticket machine to the barriers.

I am starting to get what is commonly known as "seriously fucked off."

What happens if someone's ineptly using the one working automated ticket machine in front of you as the clock ticks down, or exhaustively checking their railcard combinations to find the cheapest price?

@ Andy. I would like to say that I'd do the following:1) The person in front of me dies (bludgeoned to death with my wallet).2) The ticket machine gets kicked/punched/both3) The advice-giving person dies, as in (1)

I tell people that the reason we moor opposite Goldie is for the solar panels, but I can't say that the idea of watching topless Blues boaties didn't come into the equation! (until they wake us up at 6:45 with their bangin' erging choons, that is...grr).

Ooooo posters! (Now only £5)

Rowing: The Rules poster

How many minutes the last 300m of a 2K feels like:

These guys are awesome and you should check them out

About the Author

A mathematician and r̶o̶w̶e̶r̶ cyclist.
Very susceptible to bouts of rage about anything from slow-walking pedestrians to yoga. Interests outside of cycling, maths, sci fi and feminism include swearing at things and cooking large bowls of p̶a̶s̶t̶a̶ broccoli.