Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Right Smack Dab in the Middle

It's weird, isn't it, how when we're right smack dab in the middle of something we don't realize just how important that moment might be. Or how even when we're just living- just doing our thing, day after day, it's tough to take a step back and know that where we are is someplace so good, someplace we'll one day look back upon with so much fondness.

Hank and I rented our first place together in the summer of 2005. We'd been together for about a year, and after a particularly eventful July and August I packed up my things and made the trek to the town I now call home. It was an out-of-character move for me and I remember my Mom and friends asking, "well, are you sure?" But I was sure, as strange as it was at the time. I was positive this was the right move for me, the right choice even for a girl who was more often than not unsure when it came to matters of the heart. But I did it, I made the decision along with Hank, and I drove myself up to that little town, car full of my belongings.

It was a tiny, tiny place up there over that antique shop, and old too, having been built in 1917. It was charming of course, in the way only a falling apart, ancient building can be, but to us it was new and fresh and all we saw was a beginning. We made that tiny place our tiny home over the next year, the kitchen that was only three steps long, the miniature living room, the even smaller bathroom, and our bedroom-closet that was literally only big enough for a twin bed, with no room to walk on either side.

We spent our days that year in such close quarters, we lived and loved and built the foundation of us in that little apartment. We'd get tarts at the bakery downstairs, we'd go on midnight walks around the square, we'd sit on the stairs in the hallway for hours, stealing internet from nearby businesses. I think back to those nights in that twin bed, limbs tangled together in that small space, trying to stay warm as the ancient furnace died more than it worked. And as much as I loved the simple romance of that first place on Cortez Street, I remember thinking about how badly I wanted to move into a bigger place, onto our second home, to see what was coming up next, right on the horizon.

Life went on and we experienced all of those "nexts" we dreamed of, and now as I sit here at my computer with my husband at work and our baby asleep in his crib, I think about that time- I recall that little bed in that little space, think back to when we'd sit around and talk forever about the dreams we had for our life and ourselves. It reminds me how looking back, everything seems so clear, but when you're in it, sometimes it's hard to know where you're headed. I have a tendency to want to rush, to get to the next thing, the better, the best, but I think sometimes it's good to just sit back and enjoy the journey you're on, the place you're at, the tiny bed you're in. It reminds me of this. To just stop and embrace the now, which might just be the beginning of so much more than you know.

18 comments:

I needed to read this very much today. I'm currently sitting at my desk at work, sulking and wondering how the hell I'm ever going to be able to get to the next major point in my life. I guess all that doesn't mater now. I'm healthy, happy, and married. The rest will come when its time!

such a beautiful post. i too have the tendency to rush through things....hoping for the next/better thing to come along. this right here is life; it's happening right now. i need to be reminded of that every now and again.

I get this. My husband and I are in a small flat right now and have been for 3 years actually while I finished off my PhD. I'm now a Dr but unemployed and finding it hard to remember that the next stages will come soon enough. This is a timely reminder that we should be making the most of us in our love nest before the craziness of a career and family a couiple of years down the line kick in.

Danielle, I have to thank you and this post has reminded me to! Years ago, you wrote a motivational post that helped me quite a bit, with regards to friends I've had and letting go. And now it's helped me again! I moved in with my boyfriend this year and, though, it's not nearly as small as what your first place sounds like, it's cold and smaller than I'm used to. Even before I had dropped my stuff, I was planning an escape, looking for a new place. But then I thought about what you wrote years ago, about how you'd complain about that apartment and Hank would bring you right back into the now. And that's helped me a lot, I started thinking in the now, thinking of the adventure! And everything's fine! Less stuff, not a bother, fires every night, cosy! So thanks to you and to Hank (and to my fantastic boyfriend) for your help!!

This is so beautiful! I love to read your writing. You have such a gift for authentic, meaningful prose. We are in the tiny apartment you're describing, and with it being summer in Australia, we are melting rather than freezing in the way that you've described. After almost two years, we've begun seriously planning our move to somewhere bigger, although I hate the thought of it being 'better'. I will always cherish these memories, and I know that wherever my man and I are together, we can make magic and be magical together. Thank you so much for sharing your life on this space. You seem like a kindred spirit and I love reading these thoughts of yours xx

You just made me cry Danielle! Thank you for sharing -- I am getting married and moving in with my fiance (then husband!!) all in May! It's crazy to think that I am in the "now" you're speaking of and my life will just continue to change more and more as life always does. Thank you so much for sharing.

this is wonderful!it's funny how it all seems just right when you're looking back.. when at that time you were insecure, worried and unsure about what will come next.but it's so important to see that we should always live in the here and now - cherish the moments and don't make ourselves unhappy with worrying about the future. it's all gonna be okay, everything's gonna work itself out :)

I absolutely love this post. It is so true. Looking back at the 5 years with my guy, I can think of so many adventures and dreams shared. It's hard to believe where we are now. And exciting to think of where we are going. Our history means so very much to me. I love have an "our" story :)

I can be guilty of wanting to rush onto the next stage too, I think as humans we like to know what's coming next. But then I often find myself looking back on those times that I was so keen to zoom through with such fond memories and wishing I'd made a bit more of them. Thanks for the reminder to enjoy what I have right here and right now Danielle. They do say that the present is just that... a giftJo x