Codependency Support Group

Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...

have you ever?

Have you ever made your life someone elses? i did and im living it right now. I gave up alot of my life 4 years ago when i started dating my boyfriend and now he is all i have. Our relationship has been messed up from the begining. He has lost his license 2 times since we meet one of those being a DWI where he blew twice over the legal limit & lost it for a year straight. He finally just got it back & 3 weeks ago got tboned by a school bus & was in the icu but is now at home. His insurance company is paying for the days of work hes going to miss and now the doctor says he will be out of work till October. And knowing him like i do i know that hes going to sit on his butt for as long as he can and im going to have to support him. I have a hard time telling him how i feel because he gets mad. But im 25 & hes going to be 27 this year i want us to have our own place someday & have kids but it seems like hes never going to be at that place. But at the same time i love him & in the end i am affraid to death to be zlone. How do i get out of his hell?

i dont think ive ever gone that extreme and made my life someone elses. but seriously, youre only 25 and if yr not happy get out of there! youre so young youve got so much more to live, get a good counsellor / therapist they will make you see sense. you can have those dreams of yr own place and kids with someone else. i have just turned 30 and i used to think the guy was the be all and end off of everything when i was yr age but believe me its not!

I don't know if this will help but I was 35 when I decided to finish a relationship of 14 years, I was scared to death, but I feel much better now, we don't have to fit the social patterns, we have to take care of ourselves, and be happy. I hope you find your way, but you cannot live his life, you have to live yours and make it full of good experiences and learning
I wish you all the peace in heart and mind to take the right decision
big hug

you will never be alone when you love yourself.
i will give you my perspective.
i married someone when i was 32 (i am now almost 42)for reasons similar to why you are with your boyfriend. i was married to him for 8 years, 6 of which were hell. i had two wonderful daughters with him, and learned so much about life and myself. but it was hell for everyone and will always cause issues because of our children together, etc.
but.....i would suggest you get out of this hell now rather than with divorce lawyers and children involved.
you have to take back your life. if he is all you have, you don't have anything to lose darling.
be good to yourself. find a therapist or a codependents anonymous meeting. or al anon, since it would seem he has alcohol issues.
if you can't tell him how you feel why be with him?
you are so, so young.
you will never be alone if you love yourself.
i wish you courage and faith and strength.

Just do it - listen to me - I raised two sons with an alcoholic man who was a &quot;gentleman&quot; in the eyes of the rest of the world but treated me like I was mom or maid or something. He ended up getting a liver transplant and I stuck through that too, keeping my marriage vows through sickness and poorer. The kids are grown and I just found out he is having an affair now - complete with viagra (know we have not had sex in years due to his ED). He stayed married to me so I could be his meal ticket and his MOMMY. Go NOW anyway you can and do NOT look back. PLEASE do not live a life like mine.

I was in ur hell but I played your boyfriend - I didnt drink or have any trouble with law but I was lazy, had no ambition, sat on my butt, plus I have codependency issues. I would like to give u some advice...
My ex fiance is the most caring, giving, loving patient person in this world - he put up with my faults for longer than he should have- he asked me to change- we discussed how i could change, he almost left me a couple times but my crying kept him around - he finally got the guts up to leave me only bc my actions and the way i was made him pretty much hate me....after awhile even the most loving person can find it impossible to love someone anymore....you sound like my ex...u love hm so much to take it waiting for him to change./..
reality check: HE IS NOT GOING TO CHANGE
at least not right now - not in the comfy situation he has with you...u need to scared the crap out of him...Losing my ex woke me up to what the hell i was doing..but it was too late - if u still love this guy then its not too late for you....
u need to find the courage to break up with him, tell him you cant take it anymore- and stick to it no matter what...he will then hopefully wake him up like it woke me up - now even if he does start to think about changing - its gonna take alot of time, work and motivation for him to change and as much as u want to be there for him - it is something he needs to do without u..TRUST ME - I AM GOING THROUGH THIS - I know that if by some mircle my ex came back to me now i would eventually go back to how i was -
he needs to do thids- u need to love him enough to make him

I was in ur hell but I played your boyfriend - I didnt drink or have any trouble with law but I was lazy, had no ambition, sat on my butt, plus I have codependency issues. I would like to give u some advice...
My ex fiance is the most caring, giving, loving patient person in this world - he put up with my faults for longer than he should have- he asked me to change- we discussed how i could change, he almost left me a couple times but my crying kept him around - he finally got the guts up to leave me only bc my actions and the way i was made him pretty much hate me....after awhile even the most loving person can find it impossible to love someone anymore....you sound like my ex...u love hm so much to take it waiting for him to change./..
reality check: HE IS NOT GOING TO CHANGE
at least not right now - not in the comfy situation he has with you...u need to scared the crap out of him...Losing my ex woke me up to what the hell i was doing..but it was too late - if u still love this guy then its not too late for you....
u need to find the courage to break up with him, tell him you cant take it anymore- and stick to it no matter what...he will then hopefully wake him up like it woke me up - now even if he does start to think about changing - its gonna take alot of time, work and motivation for him to change and as much as u want to be there for him - it is something he needs to do without u..TRUST ME - I AM GOING THROUGH THIS - I know that if by some mircle my ex came back to me now i would eventually go back to how i was -
he needs to do thids- u need to love him enough to make him

Yes I have been in relationships that I felt my partner was controlling everything and there was no aspect that myopion was appreciated,And I'm just togrown up to deal with people who are liabilities. If i am around people that I have to be concerned about my heath or safety &quot;good-bye&quot;, neww people will come along that meet your lifestyle requirements.

Hey poppit,
Iv been in this relationship and left it. As long as you are there he doesnt have to do any better. Your making his life too easy.
Leave him and give all the good stuff that you have been giving away to him to you. Make a plan for you and you alone and focus on that!
Best of luck, it may hurt now but its better than a life of living with a person like that.
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