Lawyer: "When he went, had you gone and had she, if she wanted to and were able, for the time being excluding all the restraints on her not to go, gone also, would he have brought you, meaning you and she, with him to the station?"
Other Lawyer: "Objection. That question should be taken out and shot."

Joe the lawyer died suddenly, at the age of 45.
He got to the gates of Heaven, and the angel standing there said, "We've been waiting along time for you." "What do you mean," he replied, "I'm only 45, in the prime of my life. Why did I have to die now?" "Forty-Five? You're not 45, you're 82," replied the angel. "Wait a minute. If you think I'm 82 then you have the wrong guy. I'm only 45. I can show you my birth certificate." "Hold on. Let me go check," said the angel and dis-appeared inside. After a few minutes the angel returned. "Sorry, but by our records you are 82. I checked all the hours you have billed your clients, and you have to be 82.

â—¦Lawyer: "Did you ever stay all night with this man in New York?"
â—¦Witness: "I refuse to answer that question.
â—¦Lawyer: "Did you ever stay all night with this man in Chicago?"
â—¦Witness: "I refuse to answer that question.
â—¦Lawyer: "Did you ever stay all night with this man in Miami?"
â—¦Witness: "No."

Lawyer: "The truth of the matter is that you were not an unbiased, objective witness, isn't it? You too were shot in the fracas."
Witness: "No, sir. I was shot midway between the fracas and the naval."

After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, Canadian scientists found
Traces of copper wire dating back 200 years and came to the conclusion that
Their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 150 years ago.

Not to be outdone by their neighbours, in the weeks that followed, an American
Archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after, a story published in the New York Times:
"American archaeologists, finding traces of 250-year-old copper wire, have concluded that their
Ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network 50 years earlier than the Canadians".

One week later, the British authorities reported the following:
"After digging as deep as 30 feet in North Yorkshire, Jack Arkwright, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely f*** all.
Jack has therefore concluded that 250 years ago, Britain had already gone wireless."