I'm a 20-something stay at home mother of two under the age of two. Becoming a mother has changed me in more ways than I can count. After almost two years of being "Mommy" I'm still trying to balance who I was before with who I need to be now. It's not always easy....it is the hardest job I've ever had, but it's also the most rewarding. I love my family more than life itself. I have everything I always wanted, and more than I bargained for.

Saturday, February 13, 2010

Before I actually became a parent there were so many things I said I’d never do. Looking back I realize I had no idea what I was talking about :) Sometimes in the land of pregnancy, babies, toddlers, and very little sleep you do things that only another parent could understand.

My first “never” to go out the door was going through labor drug free. My mom gave birth to all five of us with no epidural. I can remember thinking as a teenager that she was crazy. I was sure that I would ask for an epidural as soon as the pregnancy test turned positive ;) Instead I ended up being just as crazy as my mom was. I chose to have a natural birth not once, but two times. I can honestly say it was the most empowering thing I have ever done in my life. It was a lot of work, and I wouldn’t say that natural birth is the right thing for everyone.

After my son was born many of the “never” situations became “just this once” situations…and it was never just that once ;). I had always said I would never bring my baby to bed with me….yeah…that lasted about a week. I thought I would never cry because my baby was crying and I couldn’t get him to stop…I’m sure that happened at least once…okay twice ;)

Before I had children of my own I was positive that I would never be one of those mom’s who tells people all about their kids poop and boogers. Well I’m guilty of that one too. I am also guilty of taking a million pictures of my children (who are just sitting there looking back at their silly mommy) because they are sooooooo cute I can’t help myself ;) Then I subject whoever happens to be close by to looking at each and every picture. Yes I am that mom who thinks every new word, every new skill, and every milestone is THE most exciting news around.

And of course I was sure that my children would be perfect angels. We would all be perfectly groomed. There would be no hitting, no tantrums, no throwing of food. I would always be in complete control. Although I love them more than life itself I must admit that my little ones are not ALWAYS perfect....only about 90% of the time ;)

There are really too many things to mention here. I guess I thought that coming from a big family, and babysitting for other families that I had it all figured out. Turns out there was a lot I just didn't understand. Two years and two babies later I am still learning more and more every day.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Have you ever had one of those days where you start out feeling like Super Mom but end up feeling like poop (for lack of a better word). That was my day today. Roman woke up an hour and a half earlier than normal this morning. I had just finished nursing Lena and getting her back to sleep. I had been hoping to get a little more sleep myself. I wasn’t too excited when Roman came into my room asking for something to eat, something to drink, and a clean diaper. I hauled my booty out of bed and set to work meeting his every need. Next up were the dogs. Put them out, brought them in, fed them, put them out, and brought them in again. Then I set my sights on the kitchen…..put away the clean dishes from the dishwasher, washed a sink full of dirty dishes, loaded the dishwasher, cleaned the counters, cleaned the stove, took out the trash….what can I say…I was on a roll. I handled baby spit-up and toddler tantrums with grace and efficiency. No diaper was to dirty. No mess to big. After everyone was fed and dressed we did some coloring with crayons. Then we worked on counting and letters. Then we took advantage of a break in the wet weather and took a nice walk in the sun. I was feeling like Super Mom. Roman fell asleep in his stroller and Lena fell asleep in the baby carrier. As we walked back home I started to day dream about all of the things I would do while my children napped…..the food I would eat, the magazine I would read, the websites I might visit. It was going to be great.

We got home and the dream of nap time just didn’t happen. Roman woke up. He was so loud that he woke Lena up. I gave him a snack and nursed her. She went back to sleep….he didn’t. Instead we spent two hours going back and forth. He wanted to do anything but stay in his bed. I looked at him with my most serious face and told him to lie down and be quiet in my most serious voice. He smiled at me with his happiest smile, and laughed his happiest laugh. He seems to find the fact that my head was about to explode very amusing. He was so loud that he woke Lena up AGAIN. She was none to happy about it. I nursed her again and then she cried until she had the biggest burp (actually that word doesn’t describe it…it was more of a belch) ever. That was followed by her spitting up all over me and missing the burp cloth completely. After two hours of trying to get Roman to stay in bed and take a nap I was no longer feeling super. I was feeling like throwing something. I was feeling like yelling a few curse words….but super…no…not any more. There was no sense it trying to get him to sleep at this point. The rest of the day is just destined to involve a lot of tears, tantrums, and time-outs. I will count the minutes until Daddy is home to help deal with the craziness, and I will wonder if it would be okay to have a cocktail (or ten) in the middle of the day while caring for my children….I’m guessing that’s not allowed.

As I type this Roman is pulling at my leg and not just crying, but wailing. If I was still Super Mom I would be comforting him. Insert long aggravated sigh here. Off I go to try to be super again.