I hate it when people post music to their blogs. Posts with music almost always seem like space-fillers or emo-expressions of melodramatic feelings that writers weren’t capable of putting into their own words. I get that.

But the more time that passes, the more I realize this blog is my written record of my relationship with J. It’s an artifact that I’m going to want to look back on after the relationship no longer exists. I don’t keep a journal or a scrapbook. I don’t save mementos or souvenirs, and I don’t even keep a lot of photographs. What I’ve always made, kept, and treasured are mix CDs, (now, playlists). The tracks on those CDs and playlists transport me back to other times in my life — they’re my record of what I was thinking, what I was feeling, and what was important and meaningful to me at the time… for better or worse.

Clarity
Zedd, featuring Foxes

High dive into frozen waves
Where the past comes back to life
Fight fear for the selfish pain
It was worth it every time

Hold still right before we crash
‘Cause we both know how this ends
A clock ticks ’till it breaks your glass
And I drown in you again

‘Cause you are, the piece of me
I wish, I didn’t need
Chasing, relentlessly
Still fight and I dunno why

If our love, is tragedy
Why are you my remedy?
If our love’s, insanity
Why are you my clarity?

Walk on through a red parade
And refuse to make amends
It cuts deep through our ground and makes
Us forget all common sense

Don’t speak as I try to leave
‘Cause we both know what we’d choose
If you pull, then I’ll push too deep
And I’ll fall right back to you

‘Cause you are, the piece of me
I wish, I didn’t need
Chasing, relentlessly
Still fight and I dunno why

If our love, is tragedy
Why are you my remedy?
If our love’s, insanity
Why are you my clarity?

2 Responses to “clarity”

I started reading this post and immediately got defensive because I just, minutes ago, put up a post, a gratitude list, that I titled after a song, so I put a link to the song in my blog to make sense of the title. In that split second, I laughed at the idea that I would truly give a damn whether you judged my post as lacking or not, then I read on.

I, too, have mental playlists, old mix tapes (I’m that old), mix CDs, of those important times and important people. Music makes sense and nonsense of emotion like nothing else does.

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