I dream, I think, I inspire, I create, I pray, I live, I share happiness, I love and I write

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Thursday, 9 August 2012

This morning, I sat behind my laptop with undefined feelings. I know I am
not too excited, yet I am not sad, I am not angry but I am not in great moods,
I can't place my hands on the kind of emotions running in my veins right now. I
have shifted between crying and laughing in the last few minutes, my friend at
work has made me laugh, made me shout and eventually left me to my own; he has
not been able to get me back into my normal warm state.

I have a sister whose JD or bio should have been something like "thinking
for a living". You can't be her friend and not know how to think, she
thinks through everything, even her feelings. So with this drama going on in my
life, I have decided to step into her shoes and think through these emotions.
Why am I feeling this way?Is anything possibly wrong with me? What triggered
these feelings? Am I just working myself up into frenzy? Questions and many
more questions..... I concluded I am tired, kind of tired of my status quo, a
bit restless too...something in me wants to break loose.

A man once told his first child "you are going to be subordinate to
your younger brother but when you decide to be free you will break lose".
That simply tells me its okay to fight! Nothing happens on this side of
eternity until force is applied. I won't sit down and sing "it is well, it
is well" (you know that song, right?) and let this feelings pass. I had
felt like this in quick successions in recent times and yours sincerely was
quick to sing that song, now it seems I settled myself into a state of inertia.

Now don't get me wrong, I am grateful for how far I have come, what do I
have that I have not recieved? What could my arms have achieved without divine
help? But there is a place for more, the mountain heights, a place where eagles
fly; my friend calls it "there".

The beautiful butterfly itself wriggles out its cocoon, why should you not
wriggle for freedom when restless? Doctors say pain is your friend, it simply
tells you something is not right somewhere, so I won't play christainese with
this feeling on my inside, I will ensure it spurs me to fight, good things don't
come the way of men who wait for it but for men who seek good things or even
fight for it.

This good fight is relative, one might need to fight for her home, another
might need to fight for his kids getting lost out there, another one's fight
could be breaking free from corporate slavery like Jimi Tewe calls it, for me ,
it's a big fight to expression, getting out of a cocoon. This is when it’s okay
to fight.

You identify where and what you have to fight or fight for, you may be like
a butterfly, under the right conditions you could break out seemingly smoothly
on your own or like the chick, you need a mother hen to brood over you or the
right machinery, or better still a child, coming with so much drama, pains and
aches but worth the hassles.

Fight when life throws dirt your way, fight when life wants to turn you into
a prey (here, you are either a prey or a predator), fight for anything that is
rightfully yours, fight for expression of your inner self, fight to be you, don’t
be any man’s shadow but of God. Fight, just fight!