Chapter 8 (...Continued)

Rights of the Wife Over the Husband

Dowry (Mahr)

This right of the wife has been discussed in some
detail. Allah said in the Qur'an:

{Wa aatoo an-nisaa'a saduqaatihinna nihlatan. Fa
in tibna lakum 'an shai'in minhu nafsan fa kuloohu hanee'an maree'an.}{And give women their
dowries as a gift. Then, if they are pleased to give some of it to
you, consume it with good health and enjoyment.} An-Nisaa:4

The payment of the dowry to the wife is an obligation and a
debt upon the husband until he pays it and there is no escaping it unless the
wife freely and willingly gives up her right to it. In the past, and in
many cases today, the father tries to take the mahr away from his daughter. In the jahiliya, this was justified by saying that the father was merely
recouping all the expenses he put forth for his daughter who is now a member of
another family and benefits them.

Nowadays, it occurs often in this country that the husband
tries to take back the dowry (if it is even paid in the first place) or make use
of it in forms of spending which were obligatory upon HIM in the first
place. This is a lowly practice and is completely forbidden unless she
explicitly allows it without any coercion or pressure. Otherwise, it is
HER property and she may dispose of it (or not) as she alone sees
fit.

Support (Nafaqah)

Allah says:

{...Wa 'alaa al-mauloodi lahu rizquhunna wa
kiswatuhunna bi al-ma'roofi laa tukallafu nafsun illa wus'ahaa...}{...And upon the
father is the mother's sustenance and her clothing according to what is
reasonable. No person shall have a burden on him greater than he can
bear...} Al-Baqara:233

Her support is one of the most important rights of the wife
over her husband. Ibn Katheer commented that the above verse implies that
he must provide for her without extravagance nor the opposite, according to his
ability and the standards set by his society at his time. When the Prophet
(sas) was asked by a man, "What is the right of our wives upon us?",
he (sas) answered:

"An yut'imahaa
idha ta'ima wa an yaksoohaa idhaa iktasaa wa laa yadhribi al-wajhi wa laa
yuqabbih wa laa yahjur illa fiy al-baiti.""That he should feed her
whenever he eats and cloth her whenever he clothes himself, that he not hit
her face, that he not call her ugly and that he not boycott her except
within the house." Ibn
Majah

A woman is even allowed to take from her husband's property
without his knowledge if he falls below this basic level of supporting
her. In a hadith recorded in Muslim and Bukhari, the Prophet (sas) told
Hind bint Utbah, after she complained that her husband, Abu Sufyan, was stingy
and was not maintaining her and she asked if she could take from his property
without his knowledge:

"Khudhiy maa
yakfeeka wa waladaki bi al-ma'roofi""Take was is sufficient for you
and your child according to what is customary." Muslim & Bukhari

Support of one's wife is one of the most important
obligations of the husband. It is one of the distinguishing aspects of
"husbandhood". Allah said in the Qur'an:

{Ar-rijaalu qawwaamoona 'alaa an-nisaa'i bimaa
fadh-dhala Allahu ba'dhahum 'alaa ba'dhin wa bimaa anfaqoo min
amwaalihim...}{Men are in charge of women because of what Allah has given to some
more than others and because they support them from their property.}
An-Nisaa:34

If a husband does not support his wife, she has no
obligation to fulfill her obligations to him. If a woman goes to a judge
and shows that her husband will not support her, the judge may immediately
separate them according to numerous scholars.

The verse makes clear that the man being "in
charge" goes back to the two causes mentioned. This means two
things:

1) both men and women need to be aware of this right and
this obligation and that the woman is under no obligation to stay in the
marriage if she is not supported - regardless of his wealth and hers and

2) Muslim society must be organized in such a way that
Muslim men are able to get the means to support a wife.

This second point is critical. If society reaches
a state where women are more able to earn a living than men, this will undermine
the "in charge" status of many men in their households. It wil
in fact undermine the Islamic household altogether. This is what is
happening in virtually every Muslim land today with U.N. and other organizations
giving primary attention to helping women to be economically viable and
independent even when a large percentage of the men still cannot find the means
to support a family. (It is the same destruction they inflicted on
families in the U.S. in the 50's 60's with the welfare system.) The
corrupting influence this will have on society as a whole cannot even begin to
be described.

Women are absolutely ALLOWED in Islam to pursue business
ventures (the Prophet's first wife Khadija was a major business woman in Makka),
employment and other means of earning money. They are, in fact, needed in
various sectors such as women doctors and women teachers. However,
facilitating the ability of men to earn a living and support a family is the
FIRST priority in an Islamic society. All economic planning and
social/economic programs must be in line with this principal.

Kind and Proper Treatment

Allah says:

{...Wa 'aashiroohunna bi al-ma'roofi fa in
karihtumoohunna ta 'asaa an takrahoo shai'an wa yaj'ala Allahu feehi khairan
katheeran.}{...And consort with your wives in a goodly manner for, if you dislike
them, it may well be that you dislike something which Allah makes a
source of abundant good.} An-Nisaa:19

Commenting on this verse, Ibn Katheer
wrote:

"That is, have kind speech for them, deal with them with kind
deeds and in a beautiful manner to the best of your ability. In the
way that you love that from them, behave in that way towards them. As
Allah has said, "They have rights similar to those upon them according
to what is right" (Al-Baqarah:228).
The Messenger of Allah (sas) said: "The best of you is the best of you
to his wives and I am the best of you to my wife." It was from
his behavior that he would treat them in a beautiful fashion, with a smiling
face. He would sport with his wives, be gentle with them and spend
generously upon them. He would laugh with his wives and he even raced
Aisha... Every night, he would gather his wives together in the house of the
one with whom he (sas) was going to spend the night and eat dinner with them
on occasion... After he prayed the night prayer, he would enter his house
and talk to his wife a little bit before sleeping, making them comforted
thereby. And Allah has said: {You have in the Messenger of Allah the
best example.}"

Part of the
problem is Muslims buying into the fantasy world being propagated in television,
movies and other media. The hadith about the rib makes it clear that it is
rare to find a "perfect wife" and in the same manner, no woman should
expect to find the "perfect husband". If one is living in some
fantasy world, they are apt to be greatly disappointed with real
life.

Physical Relations

In Sahih Ibn Hibban, the following was narrated:

"The wife of 'Uthman ibn Madh'oon
complained to the Messenger of Allah (sas) that her husband had no need for
women. During the days he would fast and at night he would pray.
The Prophet (sas) asked him: "Am I not the
best example for you to follow?" He answered:
"Certainly, may my father and mother be sacrificed for you."
The Prophet (sas) then told him: "As
for you, you pray during the night and you fast during the day.
Certainly, your wife has a right upon you and your body has a right upon you
so pray and sleep and fast and break your fast."

There are several similar incidents narrated where
Companions of the Prophet (sas) gave similar decisions in similar
situations. In one story which took place in the presence of Umar, the
Companion who was judging told the husband that since Allah had given him the
right to four wives and he had only one that he could practice his praying and
fasting three out of four nights, but that at least one in four had to be
reserved for his wife.

Not to be Beaten

It is the right of the Muslim wife that she is not to be
struck except in the case of nushooz (rebellion
against the husband's authority). Even in that case, the husband is only
allowed to "strike" her, but in a way which does no harm, similar to
the proper disciplining of a child. It is never lawful for him to strike
her face or cause her any bruise or injury. Allah says in the Qur'an:

{...Wa allaatiy takhaafoona nushoozahunna fa'idhoohunna
wahjuroohunna fiy al-madhaaji'i wadhriboohunna fa in ata'nakum falaa tabghoo
'alaihinna sabeelan inna Allaha kaana 'aliyyan kabeeran.}{...And (as for) those (women) from
whom you anticipate rebellion, admonish them, avoid them in the sleeping
place and hit them. If they obey you, do not desire and further way to
(harm) them. Surely, Allah is Knowing, Great.} An-Nisaa:34

It is
incomprehensible how so many translators have translated the word "wadhriboohunna" in the above verse as
"beat them" or, even more laughable: "beat them
[lightly]". This is wrong, wrong, wrong. It is an abomination
which has caused much misunderstanding and opened the door to the enemies of
Islam. The word in Arabic means to "strike" or
"hit". It inludes everything from a tap with a tooth-stick to
what in English we call beating. If it is stated that so-and-so
"hit" so-and-so without further description, it would be assumed to be
a single blow and it could be of any magnitude.

When the Prophet (sas) took a tiny stick and tapped one
of the Muslims on the stomach to straighten the ranks in preparation for war, he
"hit" him with this meaning. Contrast this to the English
phrase: "beat them". The meaning is totally
different. If you took a shoe lace and hit someone on the hand with it,
you could properly say dharabtahu in Arabic but in
English you could never say that you had "beaten" that person.
Please get this straight and correct anyone you hear distorting the meaning of
this verse in this way.

The verse mentions admonition, boycotting and hitting in
the case of nushooz. This refers to a
rebellion against the husband's authority within the marriage which amounts to a
breach of the marriage contract on her part. Ibn Taimia said about
this:

"Nushooz in the verse: {...And (as for) those (women) from whom you anticipate
rebellion (nushooz)...} means that she is recalcritrant to her
husband and she is estranged to him inasmuch as she does not obey him when
he calls her to bed, or she leaves the house without his permission and
other similar things in which she is required to obey him."

Many scholars have stated that the three steps must be
taken sequentially, i.e, admonition then separation in sleeping and finally
hitting, making hitting a last resort only in extreme situations. Thus the
vast majority of whan men do to their wives in spontaneous fits of rage often
over trivial issues is absolutely haraam and not
sanctioned by Islam in any way. An-Nawawi said about his:

"At the first indication of
disobedience to marital authority, a wife should be exhorted by her husband
without his immediately breaking off relations with her. When she
manifests her disobedience by an act which, although isolated, leaves no
doubt to her intentions, he should repeat his exhortations and confine her
to the house but without striking her... Only when there are repeated acts
of disobedience may a husband strike his wife."

As we said, this can NEVER be a
"beating". A husband is never allowed to strike his wife in any
way which causes injury or leaves any kind of mark. The Prophet (sas)
said:

"Fattaqoo
Allaha fiy an-nisaa'i fa innakum akhadhtumoohunna bi amaani Allahi wa
istahlaltum furoojahunna bi kalimati Allahi wa lakum 'alaihinna an laa
yooti'na furushakum ahadan takrahoonahu fa in fa'alna dhaalika
fadhriboohunna dharban ghaira mubarrihin wa lahunna 'alaikum rizquhunna wa
kiswatuhunna bi al-ma'roofi.""So beware of Allah regarding women for you have
taken them as a trust from Allah and you have made their bodies lawful with
the word of Allah. You have the right over them that they should not
allow anyone on your furnishings who you dislike. If they do that, hit
them in a way which causes no injury. And, they have the right over
you to provision and clothing according to custom." Bukhari & Muslim

Privacy

It is actually the right of both spouses that the other
not discuss their private moments with anyone else. Note the following
sahih hadith:

"Is there
any man among you who goes to his wife, closes the door behind them, covers
themselves and conceal themselves by Allah's concealing?"
They said: "Yes." He then said: "Then he sits after that [with others] and says,
'I did this and that.'" They were silent. He then
turned to the women and said: "Do any of
you talk about such things?" They, too, were
silent. Then a young girl stood up on her toes so the Prophet (sas)
could see her and hear her and she said: "O Messenger of Allah they
[the men] certainly talk about that and they [the women] also talk about
it." He (sas) said: "Do
you know what they are like? They are like a female devil who met a
male devil in the street and they satisfied their desires with the people
looking on." Abu Daud
(sahih)

Justice

If a man has more than one wife, he is required to do
justice between them in terms of physical things (housing, clothing, food, etc.)
and nights spent with each. Allah said:

{Wa lan tastatee'oo an ta'diloo baina an-nisaa'i wa lau
harastum. Fa laa tameeloo kulla al-maili fa tadhharuhaa ka
al-mu'allaqati. Wa in tuslihoo wa tattaqoo ta inna Allaha kaana
ghafooran raheeman.}{And you will not be able to effect justice between the women no
matter how hard you try. So do not incline [toward some] completely
such that you leave [another] as if suspended. And if you reform and
fear Allah, surely Allah is ever Forgiving, Merciful.} An-Nisaa:129

The Prophet (sas) indicated that there are forms of
justice which are required just as there are forms of justice which are beyond
human ability. Those which are required are money, housing, cloting and
the like as well as nights spent with her. Those beyond human ability are
feelings of the heart and things like that. He (sas) said:

"Allahumma
hadhaa qismiy feemaa amliku falaa talumniy feemaa tamliku wa laa
amliku.""O Allah, this is my division in what I control, so do not blame
me regarding that which You control and I do not." Abu Daud (some graded it weak, others graded it
hassan).

Also, the Prophet (sas) warned of the dangers of not
fulfilling justice where it is required between wives, saying:

"Man kana
lahu imra'taan fa maala ilaa ihdaahumaa jaa'a yauma al-qiyamati wa shiqquhu
maa'ilun.""Whoever has two wives and favors one of them will be resurrected
on Qiyama with one of his sides hanging down." Abu Daud (sahih)

To Be Taught Her Religion

The Prophet (sas):

"Kullukum
raa'in wa kullukum mas'oolun 'an ra'iyyatihi. Al-imaamu raa'in wa
mas'oolun 'an ra'iyyatihi wa ar-rajulu raa'in tiy ahlihi wa huwa mas'oolun
'an ra'iyyatihi.""All of you are shepherds and all of you will be asked about your
wards. The ruler is a shepherd and shall be asked about his
wards. The man is a shepherd of his family and will be asked about his
ward." Bukhari

Knowledge in Islam is of two types: 1) that which
is obligatory upon each and every Muslim and 2) that which must be learned by
some among the Ummah. Of the first type, it is obligatory for every Muslim
woman to know her beliefs, how to pray, how to fast, as well as issues
particular to woman such as how to purify herself from her monthly course,
etc. She must also know her obligations toward parents, her husband (and
his obligations toward him), her children, her neighbors, etc. as well as her
rights over each of those.

It is the obligation of the husband to make sure that
she acquires all the knowledge which it is obligatory for her to acquire.
If this means that he has to spend money on books or tapes, then he must do
so. The scholars have emphasized the importance of this right of women to
the extent that many of them have given her permission to leave the house to
attend a lecture at the masjid even without her husband's permission.

It is well-known that the Prophet (sas) said that
seeking knowledge is incumbent upon every Muslim mail and female. Allah
said in the Qur'an:

{Yaa ayyuhaa alladhina aamanoo qoo anfusakum wa
ahleekum naaran waqooduhaa an-naasu wa al-hijaaratu 'alaihaa malaa'ikatun
ghilaadhun shidaadun la ya'soona Allaha maa amarahum wa yaf'aloona ma
yu'maroona.}{O
you who believe guard yourselves and your family members from a fire whose
fuel is people and stones. Over it are tough and fearsome
angels. They do not disobey Allah in any order they carry out that
which they are ordered to do.} At-Tahreem:6

Part of the meaning of this verse is that the
husband/father (the "shepherd" of the household) must take all
necessary means to ensure that all those under his guardianship (wives and
children) have the opportunity and the means to acquire all the knowledge they
need to worship Allah and live their lives as Allah has prescribed that we live
our lives. If he has fulfilled that, then he has fulfilled his obligation
and will not be asked about the sins of his wife and children. If he fails
to fulfill this, then he himself will be asked about their sins and their going
astray based on HIS shortcomings in not fulfilling his obligations in this
regard.

In another version of the hadith about the
"shepherds", the Prophet (sas) continues:

"...hattaa
yus'ala ar-rajulu 'an ahli baitihi: a aqaama feehim shar'a Allahi am
adhaa'a?""...until the man will be asked about the people in his
household: did he establish among them the law of Allah or did he
allow it to become lost?"

To Defend Her Honor

A man should be "jealous" with regard to his
wife's honor and standing. He should defend her whenever she is slandered
or spoken ill of behind her back. Actually, this is a right of every
Muslim in general but a right of the spouse specifically. He should also
be jealous in now allowing other men to look at his wife or speak with her in a
manner which is not appropriate. The Prophet (sas) mentioned in a sahih
hadith that "Three will never enter paradise... ad-dayyooth."
Ad-dayyooth (sometimes translated
"henpecked") is the weak husband who has no jealousy toward his wife
and other men.

"Jealousy" in this sense means fervor for the
boundaries of Allah and anger when they are transgressed. The Prophet
(sas) said:

"Inna Allaha
yughaaru wa inna al-mu'mina yughaaru wa ghairatu Allahi an ya'tiya
al-mu'minu maa harrama 'alaihi.""Verily, Allah has jealousy and the believer has
jealousy. Allah's jealousy is due to a believer committing that which
He has forbidden him." Muslim

This does not mean, however, that a Muslim should go
overboard on this point suspecting his wife at every turn and trying to spy on
her. This becomes Adh-dhann (suspicion)
which the Prophet (sas) warned us about in the following hadith in Bukhari and
Muslim:

"Iyyaakum wa
adh-dhanna fa inna adh-dhanna akdhabu al-hadith.""Stay away from suspicion for
suspicion is the most lying of speech."