I grew up as an atheist in a very atheist environment, until a couple of life shaking events put me on a spiritual journey. After reading Bible and Quran, something still held me back, until I accidentally read about the Baha'i faith I had never heard of before.

Over the course of half a year or so, I read all available scriptures by Baha'u'llah and some by Abdul-Baha, and talked to some Baha'i online, presenting them my questions and inquieries, before I eventually went to weekly devotion meetings. I felt these scriptures were an answer of my prayers, and the answers to all questions I had previously had.

At the devotion meetings, I was so much drawn to the faith that I eventually declared after three months (that was in September 2011).

I'm married and father of a 17 months old daughter, a political science bachelor and currently house husband.

Sometimes, I'm struggling with some aspects of the faith, especially often feel not active enough. On the other side, I tell myself family is keeping me busy, plus I have some health issues that cost me some energy -- yet I'd like to be more active than I am.

I'm very much looking forward to chatting with you friends here online at least, as I should find some time at least for that in the evening, while I keep an eye on the babyphone.

I am old and ill, so may not be seen here much, but there are many dear friends here, who will be able to answer any of your questions.
As there are others of different faiths and no faith.
May you feel at home.

I am old and ill, so may not be seen here much, but there are many dear friends here, who will be able to answer any of your questions.
As there are others of different faiths and no faith.
May you feel at home.

I grew up as an atheist in a very atheist environment, until a couple of life shaking events put me on a spiritual journey. After reading Bible and Quran, something still held me back, until I accidentally read about the Baha'i faith I had never heard of before.

Over the course of half a year or so, I read all available scriptures by Baha'u'llah and some by Abdul-Baha, and talked to some Baha'i online, presenting them my questions and inquieries, before I eventually went to weekly devotion meetings. I felt these scriptures were an answer of my prayers, and the answers to all questions I had previously had.

At the devotion meetings, I was so much drawn to the faith that I eventually declared after three months (that was in September 2011).

I'm married and father of a 17 months old daughter, a political science bachelor and currently house husband.

Sometimes, I'm struggling with some aspects of the faith, especially often feel not active enough. On the other side, I tell myself family is keeping me busy, plus I have some health issues that cost me some energy -- yet I'd like to be more active than I am.

I'm very much looking forward to chatting with you friends here online at least, as I should find some time at least for that in the evening, while I keep an eye on the babyphone.

If you have any questions, please let me know!

You are most welcome. I sincerely hope that we won't scare you away. As you probably know, the worst test to Bahá'ís is other Bahá'ís!

Father. Bachelor. Husband. Indeed those, and more. Each is important, but I would add advisor, encourager and supporter, for these are implicit within the roles you have declared.

The concept of activity can sometimes be defined by our attitude and by our perception. Like yourself, others here (for example, our deeply beloved Bill) have health problems, sometimes to the degree that physical activity becomes limited. But activity can be so much more - raising your child to have a mind of her own that can think clearly and logically, and a character that grows straight and true; ensuring that when your beloved wife returns home that there is good food upon the table and clean clothes to wear and a loving environment in which to be herself; a smiling face and welcoming lines upon your face when you meet a stranger, regardless that stranger is the cashier attending you at the checkout, or an acquaintance who is in your company, or a close friend who seeks you for the joy of your company and your loving advice when needed - these are all activities and all acts of service. Perhaps with time you will find that more space is given you to participate in other activities of benefit to society closer to your wishes and desires. Yet all acts given in love are activities of benefit, and each can open doors to yet greater activity, all without imposing or impinging on those activities which are your personal family responsibilities.

Pilgrimage. Should that opportunity arise, take it with both hands. But to go on pilgrimage, first one must apply. Should it be God's will, all that which is needed to enable you to go will be granted between the application and the date given by the World Centre - but it will not be effortless, both yourself and your eternal partner in all of God's worlds must make the efforts that will allow this bounty to happen. Pilgrimage is an experience that one does not forget, and your heart will find its true home on this tiny planet in space.

My own heart knows that your words here will carry wisdom, and as much as you may learn here, so too will we learn from you. For the receiver always receives more than the giver gives in a community of sharing and caring.

A very warm welcome, Sebastian! Everyone here welcomes you most honestly and lovingly! Little ones are so precious and important. Never has their been a more important or challenging job than rearing a child. Enjoy every moment and enjoy the continual learning of trying to be Baha'i!

Oh, and as I noticed while reading and writing on this forum so far, are my worries that I might say or ask inappropriate things; I'm still a very "young" Baha'i and while I try to do my best and learn step by step, my experience is mostly limited to one Baha'i community in Berlin and reading scripture. I think I have a basic grasp on the theory, but there is much more I don't understand yet, and living by it is even a different story -- how strict do I have to be with myself? How much is too few, how much is too much?

Also have to say that part of my health problems is recurring paranoia in unusual situations. And when you know your friends are doing the best to apply a sin-covering eye, it's hard to get feedback sometimes, which might ease that paranoia.

Oh, and as I noticed while reading and writing on this forum so far, are my worries that I might say or ask inappropriate things; I'm still a very "young" Baha'i and while I try to do my best and learn step by step, my experience is mostly limited to one Baha'i community in Berlin and reading scripture. I think I have a basic grasp on the theory, but there is much more I don't understand yet, and living by it is even a different story -- how strict do I have to be with myself? How much is too few, how much is too much?

Also have to say that part of my health problems is recurring paranoia in unusual situations. And when you know your friends are doing the best to apply a sin-covering eye, it's hard to get feedback sometimes, which might ease that paranoia.

Oh, and as I noticed while reading and writing on this forum so far, are my worries that I might say or ask inappropriate things; I'm still a very "young" Baha'i and while I try to do my best and learn step by step, my experience is mostly limited to one Baha'i community in Berlin and reading scripture. I think I have a basic grasp on the theory, but there is much more I don't understand yet, and living by it is even a different story -- how strict do I have to be with myself? How much is too few, how much is too much?

Also have to say that part of my health problems is recurring paranoia in unusual situations. And when you know your friends are doing the best to apply a sin-covering eye, it's hard to get feedback sometimes, which might ease that paranoia.

Hi Sebastian
a late welcome- sorry i was forgetting to welcome you to our forum
look, don't worry about whatever you want to ask here. I am a new Bahai as you are (3 years-just like you ) and I live in a country in which this faith is treated as a heresy and so we don't have any spiritual assemblies here, so don't worry that your information comes from only one Baha'i community because mine comes only from the books I read and my virtual discussions
since I have joined the forum, I have asked any kinds of questions which has come to my mind and you can't believe the degree of kindness and toleration with which i have received answers even when i had been asking wrong question. so don't worry, ask anything- here we have very nice and also very knowledgeable people. I am sure you will like this forum as much as you like the spiritual assembly in your city

I'm not sure, maybe I'm just to insecure... if you notice by one of my postings, due to its content, form or context, that I have misunderstood or failed to take into account an important spiritual truth, I wouldn't mind if you point me to it.

Maryamr, thank you very much for your welcome! It's very nice to meet you. Must be very difficult to live by the faith in Iran, so it's the more admirable that you have taken this path!

A good first step: frankness and sincerity. You'll find your way here.

gnat

I'm in the process of weaning off anti-psychotic medication I had been taking for 10 years and just suffered a rush of paranoia. I've yet to find ways to deal with certain feelings that had been suppressed so far.

In this state, it is immensely difficult for me to read intentions and exact meaning in statements people make whom I don't know well, even more so when I just see the written word.

On one side, I feel I should tell you this for you to know me better, on the other side, I am afraid I'm bothering other people with things like this. Maybe total frankness and honesty isn't always advisable on matters like this, I guess... or is it? Many of these feelings are hard for me to understand.

Anyway, thank you for your words. It's nice to receive such a warm welcome here.

I'm in the process of weaning off anti-psychotic medication I had been taking for 10 years and just suffered a rush of paranoia. I've yet to find ways to deal with certain feelings that had been suppressed so far.

Paranoia - I think I know that. Have an ex-wife who was sincerely convinced that I tried to crush her, that I make racist statements about her origin, that I betrayed her, that my friends are criminals. Spent eight years with that. And - of course anything she did was just defensive, in order to ccope with the nasty things I did. Yes, I think I'm slightly familiar with paranoia.

Paranoia - I think I know that. Have an ex-wife who was sincerely convinced that I tried to crush her, that I make racist statements about her origin, that I betrayed her, that my friends are criminals. Spent eight years with that. And - of course anything she did was just defensive, in order to ccope with the nasty things I did. Yes, I think I'm slightly familiar with paranoia.

Best

from

gnat

I'm sorry you had such bad experience with your ex-wife.

And your response makes me think that it indeed wasn't wise to write about that, because now I assume you have this experience in mind when you look at me. Please let me know if that is the case.

To my knowledge, I've never done anything like you say your wife did, and I really think I've done the best not to burden other people with my feelings, which usually just turn against myself.

Don't worry a bit. The big, big difference is that, never once, has my ex-wife hesitated for a moment about her being absolutely sane and right about her convictions.

You're a good one, Sebastian. And don't turn your feelings against yourself. That leads to terrible results.

gnat

Dear Gnat,

thank you, I can't tell you how much relieved I am by your reply. Now maybe that is because the paranoia still isn't entirely gone... and maybe it isn't wise to continue posting here as long as this state still remains, and I should rather find other distractions until I'm back to normal. But somehow, it was very important for me not to leave without avoiding misunderstandings.

I'm always open about my problems in these regards, and if you have any questions, I'll always open to answer them to the best of my knowledge and conscience.

I'm sure I'm not a sociopath who makes life hell for those around him. It's a constant struggle for me to self-reflect my behavior, and I do my best not to burden anyone. I've never accused anybody of doing things he didn't do, or blamed them for feelings that existed just inside myself, as far as I can tell. It's more of an inner struggle for me.

thank you, I can't tell you how much relieved I am by your reply. Now maybe that is because the paranoia still isn't entirely gone... and maybe it isn't wise to continue posting here as long as this state still remains, and I should rather find other distractions until I'm back to normal. But somehow, it was very important for me not to leave without avoiding misunderstandings.

I'm always open about my problems in these regards, and if you have any questions, I'll always open to answer them to the best of my knowledge and conscience.

I'm sure I'm not a sociopath who makes life hell for those around him. It's a constant struggle for me to self-reflect my behavior, and I do my best not to burden anyone. I've never accused anybody of doing things he didn't do, or blamed them for feelings that existed just inside myself, as far as I can tell. It's more of an inner struggle for me.

Here we go. You seem perfectly normal to me. Waiting until you believe that you're "back to normal" means that you would impose restrictions on yourself that most of the really crazy people wouldn't even think of. So many of them around! So please stay: don't deprive the world of a nice person for reasons of self-criticism!

Here we go. You seem perfectly normal to me. Waiting until you believe that you're "back to normal" means that you would impose restrictions on yourself that most of the really crazy people wouldn't even think of. So many of them around! So please stay!

gnat

I'm sorry, I don't understand what you mean by your third second sentence. Can you please explain?

Yes, I impose many restrictions on myself, as I see how people act and react who are "normal", meaning they most of the time don't have paralyzing feelings of shattering self-doubt (sometimes, I'm obsessed with the paranoid idea I'm doing something inappropriate without noticing, and everybody can see it except for me, like a huge stain on my clothes, for example), so I don't want to show my unease. I want to "function", and most of the time, I'm successful. On one side, because I don't want to burden people around me, on the other side, I want to be there for them too and be able to give to them. Just sometimes, a rush of these feelings is overwhelming.

But I'm confident it won't happen too often.

So thank you for giving me a welcome and nice words, and I'm glad I could reveal this problem (while on the other side, I feel sorry again for having moved myself in the center... but I guess it was okay for an introduction once).

Dear friend just reading through and felt like making a couple of observations.

Firstly please be a test, for it is through tests that we grow spiritually, do not take it personal if someone reacts badly. We are to be happy for tests even if they may cause us pain, they are the way we grow.

Sending a personal message can be great sometimes so you only have to deal with one person. Especially if someone says something in the forum that brings a question up in your mind, that you may fear asking to the forum at large, send just the person a private message.

I'm sorry, I don't understand what you mean by your third second sentence. Can you please explain?

Yes, I impose many restrictions on myself, as I see how people act and react who are "normal", meaning they most of the time don't have paralyzing feelings of shattering self-doubt (sometimes, I'm obsessed with the paranoid idea I'm doing something inappropriate without noticing, and everybody can see it except for me, like a huge stain on my clothes, for example), so I don't want to show my unease. I want to "function", and most of the time, I'm successful. On one side, because I don't want to burden people around me, on the other side, I want to be there for them too and be able to give to them. Just sometimes, a rush of these feelings is overwhelming.

Dear Sebastian,
I'm trying to say that the dangerous people are those who see no weaknesses in themselves, who are convinced that it's always somebody else's fault.

The feelings you describe are not unique to you. Who hasn't felt as if one spreads a bad smell or has a big, big pimple on the nose. The best thing to do, as far as I have noticed, is to say to oneself: "So what! What the heck! I'm going to be around anyway. I have a right to walk the streets too, even if some people think that I'm some kind of disgusting creep."

And then, to be generous also works. To be nice to people, compliment them on the things they should be proud of, especially virtues.

But, you know, shattering self-doubt is something worth talking about, maybe not here, but with a professional.

Dear Sebastian,
I'm trying to say that the dangerous people are those who see no weaknesses in themselves, who are convinced that it's always somebody else's fault.

The feelings you describe are not unique to you. Who hasn't felt as if one spreads a bad smell or has a big, big pimple on the nose. The best thing to do, as far as I have noticed, is to say to oneself: "So what! What the heck! I'm going to be around anyway. I have a right to walk the streets too, even if some people think that I'm some kind of disgusting creep."

And then, to be generous also works. To be nice to people, compliment them on the things they should be proud of, especially virtues.

But, you know, shattering self-doubt is something worth talking about, maybe not here, but with a professional.

Anyway, I'm glad you're here.

gnat

Gnat, thank you again! It's very good to hear these words from you, as something along these lines is what I'm trying to tell myself when feelings like this come up, and it's very encouraging when someone else says it, too.

And yes, I'm seeing a professional, because he says these feelings which are normal to some extent for everybody, are too strong in my case.

Dear friend just reading through and felt like making a couple of observations.

Firstly please be a test, for it is through tests that we grow spiritually, do not take it personal if someone reacts badly. We are to be happy for tests even if they may cause us pain, they are the way we grow.

Sending a personal message can be great sometimes so you only have to deal with one person. Especially if someone says something in the forum that brings a question up in your mind, that you may fear asking to the forum at large, send just the person a private message.

Loving regards
bill

Dear Bill,

thank you for reminding me/us of the great value in a test. I'm glad to learn from all of you, and hope my being here can give you something, too.

Perhaps I shall read a bit tonight about the meaning and importance of tests, to remind me how valuable even painful experiences can be.

Oh, and as I noticed while reading and writing on this forum so far, are my worries that I might say or ask inappropriate things; I'm still a very "young" Baha'i and while I try to do my best and learn step by step, my experience is mostly limited to one Baha'i community in Berlin and reading scripture. I think I have a basic grasp on the theory, but there is much more I don't understand yet, and living by it is even a different story -- how strict do I have to be with myself? How much is too few, how much is too much?

Also have to say that part of my health problems is recurring paranoia in unusual situations. And when you know your friends are doing the best to apply a sin-covering eye, it's hard to get feedback sometimes, which might ease that paranoia.

Say or ask inappropriate things? Ha !!! When you succeed in not doing that, give me your address, 'cause I will want to sit at your feet and learn how you did it !!!!!

There are a number here who have mental health problems (myself included ). But knowing our circumstance, we become aware of when the positive action is to withdraw, and when the positive action is to become involved. I tell people that I wear a size 10 shoe. Problem is, I have a size 12 mouth - makes a good fit with room to spare Can't always tell when am sucking on my foot or on the truth.

Do not be too strict with yourself. Learn to be gentle with yourself. Learn to forgive yourself. These are easy to do for another, but we are often our own worst enemy. However, that said, we can also be our own best friend.

The degree of your strictness is the degree of your relationship with God, and as this relationship grows and continues to mature, the condition of strictness will give way to the condition of love, and that which may appear onerous to start will be seen later as but a tiny expression of the thankfulness of the soul and spirit to God - and how can the giving ever become tedious, boring or limited when it is given in the spirit of sacrifice for God? But, and I repeat, between yourself and God. No-one else, period, is responsible for this relationship, though others can and should be supportive and encouraging.

Make your mistakes, not with severe criticism of yourself, but with the capacity to learn from it and move forward from it. Sometimes this can be hard to do, and it takes great courage to accept, make the appropriate reparations and then to pick yourself up and move forward. But I tell you from experience that mud has no nutritional value, so do not swallow it but spit it out. Then, prayer, meditation, contemplation, and placing yourself wholly in the hands of God. Takes time, takes practice, but recall at the same time the adage that a long journey begins with the first step.

Young Baha'i? This I find glorious and truly wonderful. Never cease being a new Baha'i - the danger of becoming an old Baha'i is that of becoming entrenched in what you know, of becoming fossilised and unable to properly appreciate the wonders of this Garden planted by the Hand of Baha'u'llah. As an always new Baha'i you will never lose your sense of wonder, you will never tire of uncovering new understandings, you will never tire of the effort to advance in wisdom, knowledge and understanding. Let your body age with grace, but let your spirit be ever radiant and joyful.

Feedback. Yes, can be an issue, as wonderful as this sin-covering eye is. But perhaps feedback on what one does wrong is in itself wrong. Do not bring a strong focus to these moments but seek rather to have those good things that you say and do encouraged. And the best way to tell the community that this is how you would like feedback in this manner is to simply do it yourself to others. Words are not needed.

This is based on the concept that if one finds (hang on, not if, when) a quality in their self that they do not like, do not try to remove it - leave it alone and instead cultivate its opposite, a quality that one does like. With time, the liked quality will be the triumphant one, while the unliked quality will become overwhelmed and obliterated by this liked quality. Focus always always always on the positive, even through the most negative circumstances and situations, and use that positive to build a positive outcome. Now, easy said, difficult to do, but as with everything, practice practice practice.

Do not be too strict with yourself. Learn to be gentle with yourself. Learn to forgive yourself. These are easy to do for another, but we are often our own worst enemy. However, that said, we can also be our own best friend.

Romane, that is sage advice. We are all experts at beating-up on ourselves; we've had lots of practice and have perfected the technique over the years. God always forgives us--- quickly, fully, completely. Do we believe and accept this, or do we play mental games with God over why we may not deserve 'full' forgiveness 'this time', or over 'this issue'?

In Baha'u'llah's Writings, whatever follows the word 'Say' are the words of God Himself.

"Say: Be not despondent. After the revelation of this blessed verse it is as though thou hast been born anew from thy mother’s womb. Say: Thou art free from sin and error. Truly God hath purged thee with the living waters of His utterance in His Most Great Prison. We entreat Him—blessed and exalted is He—to graciously confirm thee in extolling Him and in magnifying His glory and to strengthen thee through the power of His invisible hosts. Verily, He is the Almighty, the Omnipotent." -Baha'u'llah, Tablets Revealed After the Kitáb-i-Aqdas, p 77

your words give me a lot of strength, and they are most helpful. I understand the teachings say we have to use our struggles to grow spiritually. And it's a hard struggle for each of us.

I'm trying to do my best to turn my weakness into growth, my fears into service, step by step. Hopefully, the more I learn, the better I will get at it.

In loving regards,
Sebastian

Dear Sebastian - This is what we all face dear friend.

We are told in the Four Valleys that we are Looking for our Good Selves! The selves we can be pleased with, that is the Self of God standing within us with Laws, But it takes death to find it, the death of our own selves. Thus it says at The beginning it is the realm of conflict, but as each day we kill more of the 4 birds of pray/self the more we return to our Lord.