I know, this is my third w post. Which is amazing because at 2am, almost 19 hours ago, I had no idea what I was going to post for w. But something happened today that made me write this.

I have been a little miserable lately. But I’ve kept it off my blog. I hope I’ve been successfully deceiving all of you (but not in a horrible lying bitch way). There’s just too much — my unemployment situation, family stress, and so much other crap. But I am going to do my best to continue to suffer in silence because I really just don’t want to be a downer. And to be honest, sometimes, talking about what sucks makes me feel even worse. I realize denial is never a good solution but lately, for some things, it’s the only option that makes things bearable.

Early this afternoon while trying to figure out what the hell starts with x, I heard my mail carrier outside my front door. Our paper mail, at this point, consists of junk mail, occasional catalogs, and random items that are actually legit. Today, I received a small square envelope from my sister in NYC. Paper mail is not dead in my family.

None of these details about her are especially necessary at the moment but… she is one year older than I, she lives alone, never married (other than to her job), no children (she never wanted any). She has always been the caretaker, mediator, peacemaker, helper in our family. And she has always been generous.

The square envelope…

Inside was a card that I found crazy-appropriate. Amazing because I haven’t talked to her for a few weeks so she doesn’t know my life has been extra sucky lately. In fact, she is not the ‘emotional artist‘ type that I am. She has always been calm, even-tempered, great with people and very optimistic and positive. I’m working on that but… you know, work in progress. So I don’t often get into very deep discussions with her about feelings and such. Yet the card that showed up had a phrase on it that I find myself thinking far too often…

And then I opened the card, expecting something witty. She can be pretty funny. But that’s not what it was. Her completion of the ‘What if?‘ phrase was something else…

“a kind soul gave you a check for $_____ today?“

(I will not divulge the amount, but as I said, she is generous. And I was stunned.)

I cried. Even writing this now, I’m tearing up again. Yes, she has always been overly kind and giving, but this was just… beyond…

Of course, I contacted her immediately to thank her… and now I want to do something for her in return. But obviously, spending money makes no sense. I’m sure I will create some sort of lovely thank you to paper-mail to her… but it hardly seems like enough.

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About what sandra thinks

Sandra is a writer, blogger, poet, artist, emotional disaster. She thinks far too much and sleeps far too little. Sandra lives in the Northeastern U.S. but dreams of an oceanfront home in Hawaii where she could learn to surf. She loves books, brutal honesty, coffee, and the color black. She hates insincerity, beer, whipped cream, and facebook. And she is uncomfortable talking about herself in the third person.

Thank you so much. She is one of my 3 sisters… and being so close in age (15 months apart), we’ve always been close. I am due for a visit to NYC to see my sister… but money is kind of an issue at the moment!

That is one of the best things about NYC — the food! I keep a list of places where I’d like to eat in NYC. I’ll need about a month there. 🙂 My generous sister would probably let me stay with her, of course. And take me out for a couple of meals, I’m sure. And the rest of the time, I could just live on coffee. 🙂

I do love having sisters. I would have loved a brother, too, but that just wasn’t in the cards… my parents had 4 daughters. Although… I do have one sister who doesn’t speak to me (or to my younger sister) at all. None of us are sure the exact reason. There’s always one nutball, I guess. Not that you’d be the nutball since you’re an only child!! I would never imply such a thing! But I do say that to my husband often… he’s an only child, too. 🙂

Oh my god. The universe (or whatever) provides. That is off the chart cool. You are so lucky to have a close sibling, I’m an only child. If you get to NYC you totally have to let me know. It’s such an easy drive from here! 😃

I keep saying it, but I’m still so stunned that she did this… and it still makes me cry (in a good way). I love how she says to “do something special with it” when she knows full well all I’m going to do is deposit it.

Maybe I will get a mani-pedi. Or a massage. Yeah, I think I need the massage more. (A massage like my story? Yes please. Does that cost extra?)

That’s too bad about your third sister. But she’s the one missing out. I’m glad you’re close with your other two. The sister bond is like nothing else! I was so happy when I had my second daughter, because I know how great it is to have sisters. And my girls are super close 🙂

That’s so kind of her. I didn’t know you were suffering, you hide it well. But I am glad to know that someone noticed and was able and generous enough to help. If you ever need anything, a friend, support, anything. Feel free to contact me.

It’s strange and amazing timing on my sister’s part because she knows I have a lot of stressful crap in my life, but she didn’t know I’ve been doing extra-crappy lately.

It’s easier to hide things here than in-person… (of course it is…!) And I worry too much about looking weak with my sad little issues. I know so many people have it worse. But thank you so much for your kindness and friendship and for being so sweet. It means a lot to me! ♥

Lovely gesture. Regarding the oither stuff of life, try to confront your problems head on. I wish you well. These things won’t go away. We are going through crap as well, we are side by side tryng to recleve the crap and move on. You will too. No storm lasts forever. Be well.

disclaimer.

This blog occasionally includes sexually explicit material not suitable or intended for minors. By reading, you affirm that you are of legal age (18+) to view such content and you consent to do so. This blog may also contain profanity because I have a fucking dirty mouth. Hope you’re okay with it.