Tuesday, February 4, 2014

How sad you'll be. When I thought I was miscarrying I knew I'd be sad, but when it actually happened I was totally heartbroken.That you'll feel like you've lost a baby (not a fetus) even if you're only ten weeks along like me. It feels like I've lost a piece of myself.

How easily you'll cry. It's feels like I have endless tears that flow freely any time.

That you won't feel like telling people it happened, but that when you do it will be good to talk about it and you'll find that many have been through the same thing.

How hard it is to see people, especially people you love because seeing their faces makes you cry.

How awful it will be to go to the doctor's office afterwards and be surrounded by pregnant women. I left in tears.

That it's like your body goes through a mini-labor and yet you have nothing to show for it in the end. That crushed me. That your body will have to recover physically just like
when you have a baby. You'll bleed and be sore just like after giving
birth.

That your spouse will grieve and cry for the loss of "his" baby. Everyone thinks of the woman when it comes to miscarriages, but the man is in pain as well.

That it will bring you and your spouse closer as you mourn and cry together.That you'll feel like staying at home, never leaving, and not getting out of bed.

That you'll blame yourself and think through every little thing you did your whole pregnancy that maybe could have caused the miscarriage.

That if you have children they will be sad and cry too.My "A" had the hardest time when we told the children. "T" is pretty sad as well, but he doesn't show his emotions like "A" does.

That you'll feel like a fool for not reaching out to the women you know who have had miscarriages. Even though time has passed I'm going to do something to rectify this. I have to. Starting with my very own sister. There is no excuse.

That through it all, you'll still feel very blessed--- *for a washing machine to wash away the reminder of the pain endured the night it happened*for a body that is capable and will eventually heal*for people that show their love in way of texts, cards, meals dropped off, and kids picked up*for a spouse that wakes up in the morning with the kids after very little sleep and doesn't let them wake you and makes breakfast, and drives the kids to school, and helps with the ones left home and brings you food in bed and cries with you every time he sees you cry and so much more that I couldn't possibly write it all, all while he is in pain as well. He has been my rock.

That you'll be scared for time to go on and you'll be afraid to move on with your life because you'll worry that it will mean that you'll somehow forget about the baby you lost.