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Now That He's Screwed Us For the 58th Time...

Welcome to Hope n' Change 2.0!

In the face of a collapsing economy, rampant unemployment, and global instability, Barack Hussein Obama took office in 2008 promising Hope and Change. The "Hope" thing didn't really work out, but we got plenty of "Change" as everything got worse. And now, the jug-eared jackass has a second term.

That's why at Hope n' Change Cartoons, we're creating conservative smartaleckry to provide a little laughter in these strange times. Cartoons will probably be posted Monday and Wednesday, and definitely on Friday. Additionally, cartoons and graphics will be posted randomly on our Facebook page and Friday we'll add the week's postings right here to kick around in one of the greatest comments sections on the Web.Note: please feel free to repost our cartoons on your favorite blogs!

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Wednesday, April 1, 2015

On an unbelievably busy news day, no story is bigger than the shocking resignation of Barack Hussein Obama and his subsequent hasty helicopter escape from the roof of the White House.

Early morning television viewers were surprised to find their programs interrupted for an emergency announcement, during which the ashen-faced and possibly drug-fueled president spoke in rambling, frequently cryptic sentence fragments about "the sweet, sweet call to prayer," "dog-flavored shave ice," the merits of Titleist golf balls and, most puzzlingly, his declaration that "Mike is done pretending to be Michelle." He then told America to go (and we paraphrase here) fornicate itself, and capped his brief resignation with "Allah Akbar - I'm out of here, suckers!"

In a scene reminiscent of America's departure from Vietnam, Obama scrambled aboard a George Soros-owned helicopter hovering just above the White House roof. Newly appointed President Biden celebrated his unexpected promotion by rushing onto the White House balcony in his pajamas and firing a shotgun into the sky, before being tackled and disappearing under a pile of Secret Service agents. Sadly, the shotgun blast was thought to have done only minor damage to Mr. Obama's helicopter.

BUT THAT'S NOT ALL - Also in today's news:

• John Kerry triumphantly announced that his negotiations with Iran have been successful and will be officially ratified in a ceremony in which "I'll kneel on a beach while wearing a traditional Iranian document-signing orange jumpsuit."

• A council of Native Americans judged Elizabeth Warren to be guilty of violating tribal law by failing to use "every part of the buffalo." In point of fact, she was using only one part of the buffalo and not, as nature intended, for the purpose of making more buffaloes.

• Pressed for more details about his injury, Harry Reid admitted that "the band that snapped" as he was working out with it was, as many suspected, The Village People.

• A crowd-funded Kickstarter campaign intended to pay for a monument to honor race martyr and cigar liberator Michael Brown fell short of its stated goal today, raising a final tally of only $375. The Ferguson highway department says the funds will be sufficient to create a commemorative speed bump.

• The Supreme Court issued a 5-4 ruling confirming that, despite the controversial and somewhat confusing language in the 17,000 page Obamacare bill, the government will give full "breast exam" reimbursements for every crispy dollar bill men spend in topless clubs.

22 comments:

In other news: congress voted unanimously to unhold their Constitutional oaths by passing the "Restore the Republic" bill, which dictates a balanced budget by cutting or eliminating funding for most government agencies. The bill also limits campaign donations to $100 per individual, corporation, or special interest group.The only portion of the bill which caused debate on the floor was the "all congressmen shall be paid a maximum of $25 an hour for every hour actually spent in congress". Some argued that installing timeclocks in the Capitol Building would be an unjustifiable taxpayer expense, until it was decided that the IRS would smply impose a special tax on all House and Senate members until the equipment and bookkeeping costs had been covered.

OMG funny. You've been saving these up for while? April has such a fun start. I pulled a good one on Russian associates we were hosting over here a few years back; really had them going. When they figured it out their super-macho Chief said "OF COURSE we have AFD in Russia; I didn't expect such foolishness from you." I hope they're following HNC.

So get to it Senators! Feel free to drown your mistresses and then use the power of your family name and office to cover it all up. If there's a (D) next to your name, there's little reason not to, since you've long since sold your soul anyway.

@John the Econ- Good list. And by "good" I mean I'll start drinking early today.

Regarding Barry's praise of Teddy Kennedy, the prezzie actually said the late senator "bridged" the partisan divide. Frankly, I don't think "bridge" is a great word to use if you'd like people to forget that Kennedy was literally a ladykiller.

Knee slappers, all, Stilton! And this post gave me a few wistful moments of real hope and change.

A nice touch that none of the links are real! (or maybe my computer is bleeped up again...). However, John the Econ's link did work. That replica of the Senate floor makes me really friggin' suspicious, though. Why on earth would somebody spend that much money to build such a thing? I can picture the Dems holding fake Senate sessions to shove through every piece of socialist crap legislation they ever dreamed of, then filming it as "proof."

Conspiracy theory? Yes. Are there Democrats that would do it? Hell yes.

I've given up trying to prank the Obama era. All too often, the reality is far more absurd. The real prank has been pulled on us. You can't compete with "big government" when it becomes a war of pranks.

But, you know what would be a great April Fool's prank? Someone parking an 1967 Oldsmobile Delmont 88 in the reflection pool in the front of the Edward M. Kennedy Institute.

Unfortunately, the institute's designers omitted any such pool, probably in anticipation of someone doing exactly that.

"Hillary Clinton has earned the trust and the respect of Americans because they have seen Hillary work her entire life to ensure, through improving education, health care, fair pay and fighting every day for working and middle class Americans, that all of us have the opportunity to succeed," said the group's spokeswoman, Adrienne Watson."

Seriously. I really have to wonder if the joker who wrote that actually believes it, or thinks that we are stupid enough to.

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