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Wednesday, 14 February 2018

Peal of Wisdom Number 19 - Core Values and relationships

Because its Valentine's Day we are being over saturated with information and opinions about love and relationships this week, however I recently read an article on relationships that made me fist bump the air and cry "yes!"

Have you ever had one of those moment, you know where you deeply resonate with something?!

Now I'm sure you're wondering what it was all about right?

Well, this article was about core values, it was written by Natalie Lue and was featured in last months In the Moment magazine and her words literally jumped out of the page at me and did a little dance all around my brain.

Her thoughts on core values and how they effect our relationships was so spot on I found myself nodding in agreement all the way through, she had captured so many of my own thoughts about relationships, why we often fall into ones that don't serve us and how we can change this by looking inwards and becoming more aware and informed of who we and what we stand for.

Natalie say's in her article "Our values are the principles, preferences and priorities that let us know what feels good and right for us."I wonder though how many of us take the time to review these about ourselves or really take the time to discover them at all? We often get swept up into dating and relationships in our late teens and barely get a chance to know ourselves before being influenced by the people or person we want to be romantically linked to. This then spills into our twenties and even thirties and although relationships can be good at teaching us what we don't want, I still find myself speaking to so many women who are stuck in a relationship that isn't serving them and with little or no confidence, self worth or self esteem to break free from it.

She then goes on to say, "Awareness and understanding of who we really are and what we need, desire and expect helps us to live with conscious intention." - Fireworks going off in my head, because this is it, this what we need to get to heart of!!!

I can tell you for sure that as a young women I never really took the time to become so aware of who I am, and although some self awareness does come with maturity, I do see other women around me consciously taking the time and giving themselves the space to really get to know who they are without the pressures the relationships bring, and because I didn't do this for myself I ended up in a string of bad, and some just plain abusive relationships which only left my belief in myself and my sense of purpose at rock bottom.

However once we've done this positive work on ourselves and gotten know more about what we value it makes sense that we will veer towards relationships that are more successful and fulfilling. I whole heartedly believe that before we can embark on a relationship that will serve us well and reflect all that we want and deserve we need to spend time discovering who we truly are at the core and last year I wrote about the relationship we have with ourselves and how this should be the priority.

If you are struggling to identify your own core values maybe you can spend some time thinking about what is important to you and how you live your life, this would include your belief system, how you treat yourself and others, your thoughts on the world and how you interact in society.

Do you take time to notice when things resonate with you, lift you up and create a strong passionate thought or opinion, do you listen to that? Do you seek out more of it for yourself?Equally do you take note of the situations or thing that leave you feeling angry sad or upset? Or do you brush them under the carpet?Both of these are true indicators of who your are at the core and where your values lie and they can help shape your relationships.Natalie finishes off in her article by saying that the experiences we have play a big part in cultivating our core values and that they can evolve over time. Being in tune with what's unfolding around us each day can give us so much insight to ourselves and direct us towards more of what right for us, this is the key to becoming your most authentic self which I believe in turn will lead you towards more positivity and contentment in your life and who you connect with.

So if relationships have been on your mind lately for all the wrong reasons then maybe its time to check in with your core values, and I personally think this goes beyond our romantic relationships, we should be apply this to all our relationships in life because how many of us have also had to deal with the toxic friend, co-worker or parent in the past and are still being effected by it today?

I would love to hear your thoughts on core values and relationships, do you know what yours are and how they fit into your relationship? Don't forget to leave a comment below!