Keeping Track of a Submissive's Thoughts

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Feelings…

Are they as important as we all make them out to be? I really don’t know! What I mean by this is; As women we are emotional (sometimes crazy) and our feelings are shooting in all directions. I don’t feel loved, I feel loved, I feel wanted, I don’t feel wanted, I feel ashamed, I feel embarrassed, I feel sexual, I DON’T feel sexual, I feel sexy, I DON’T feel sexy….so on and so forth. When we are feeling grumpy and well…bitchy, is our Master supposed to do something about this? I mean really, what the fuck can he do?

Not that I doubt Masters ability to comfort me or even bust my ass into reality. What I am getting at is, does he have to put up with this kind of emotional crap just because I am feeling a bit temperamental? Yes, he is my Master, but why should he have to tolerate these kinds of “episodes”. Not that they happen often, but there are days where I just don’t give a fuck that he is my Master, just leave me the fuck alone. ya know? I mean does this happen to anyone else? I know I can’t be the only one, but does this make me a bad slave or just a normal woman? I don’t want to be a normal woman, I want to be HIS perfect girl.

I realize that, here lately, I have been less committed to my servitude to Master than even I care to really admit to. I have slipped into wife mode and I know that has a lot to do with the kids being here. When it is just Master and I its easy, but when my children are home I just don’t know how to be. I am not getting my guidance from him in this area and I wonder why. Does he even care? Does he just not want to deal with me? I am not trying to play the pity me card, I just want to understand how to fix this problem. I am his wife, sure, but my heart is in his collar and I am disgusted with myself for not always being what I truly am. No, I don’t mean kneeling at his feet and worshiping his cock….wtf are you thinking? I mean…the way I speak to him, the way I act towards him, and just complete wife role. I really need to find tools to help me NOT be this way. *sighs*

Master has been a little…lax I guess is the word. He has been doing his own thing and I think that may also be the reason for my own slackness in my servitude towards him. I am not saying he should not have his own things going on, but…sometimes I feel like I am not important enough to even get my vitamins. 😦

I am not saying Master is not a good Master because he IS! I am just saying that I am being a selfish little brat and want MORE MORE MORE! But hell, what girl doesn’t? Please, I know I am not the only one! I am trying to be patient and trying to remember my place, but sometimes…I just want HIM! I love him, I want him, I crave him! I wish I could just unplug his computer and drag him to bed and just beg him to have his way with me. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!

I know I am lucky, I live with my Master. I get to touch him, when he says I can, and sleep in the same bed as him, as long as he lets me, but sometimes I need more from him. Well, I should say I want more, it is up to him after all to determine what I need. lol He will probably read this and roll his eyes, but this is the point of my blog right? 😛

Well, I am still in complete bliss, loving my Master and my beautiful sis who I wish we could spend more time with and actually VISIT in RL. I love her so much and miss talking to her and seeing her beautiful face. 😦

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3 thoughts on “Feelings…”

Hey Scar 🙂 Its Jeannie. I know how you feel completely cause I get like it with My Master all the time. My moods can be all over the place and I always wonder when I’m like that why the hell should My Master put up with me like this. But then I remember that I am human. So yes you are His perfect girl but your human too.
Luv
Jeannie

i experience the exact same thing. One thing that has worked for us is to have a set time each month to talk, openly and honestly, about how we both feel. Believe it or not, sometimes our Masters feel the same as us, and don’t know how to address it. Every relationship has its trials, but communication is key. And, according to my Master, there is nothing wrong with talkin Him by the hand and telling Him, “i need to feel your skin on mine, NOW!”.

Thank you so much for your kind words of encouragement! Sometimes it is hard to know what the right thing to do is and it is so nice to be able to share my pondering’s with other like minded people. Thank you so much again, for your online friendship. It means a lot to me! ❤ hugs you and sends you love.