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One year I got a plastic film pot with 10p coins in. She said "I know you're interested in photography" - Sadly, £1.10 wasn't even nearly enough to actually buy a roll of film. It was accompanied by a card, which she had recycled by crossing out her own name, and replacing it with mine.

Another year, she gave me a lime green turtle neck jumper. I dutifully put in on, only for her to say she'd bought it in a charity shop, worn it a couple of times but didn't like it. I was too polite to take if off.

I recall she gave my mother a packet of spaghetti one year, and my father second hand magazine, almost certainly lifted form the doctors surgery.

I used to dread her coming around on Boxing Day, I'd always find her asleep in my bed by mid afternoon, and my mum would refuse to change the sheets afterwards.

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Designer tops designed to fit Italian footballers and Granny lost the receipt.

A coffee machine....Well OK it was basically a massive thing you fill with water and normal coffee and it poured it hot into a cup....Yeah, and it stated on big letters "Must be cleaned right after use"
It never got cleaned because it never got used.

An extinguisher for the kitchen and a massive fire blanket...WHAT YOU SAYING AUNTY ***

Boxers I thought were to be worn one pair on each leg.....Because Granny I is not gonna get then bad boys even over my knees.

And the usual Balti/Fondue/Sushi etc etc etc sets that are never going to see the light of day and between us only, I've been slowly throwing them out for years so the OH doesn't notice.

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My birthday is 2 days after Christmas...one year for Christmas I got a new Racing Bike, and then for my birthday I got the pump. It fitted perfectly on the new bike, even had matching stickers! (hardly surprising as it came with the bike).

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My Ex's Mother was the queen of terrible gifts, she was loaded but hardly spent a penny on presents. One year I got a horrible jumper off her for Christmas, it was several shades of brown and had a big circle on the front with a streak of lightning knitted into it, it looked like The Flash had been rolling around in dog sh*t.

The worst part was that it was at least two sizes too small, I was in my mid 20's and the thing must have been sized for a ten year old. I had to wear it on Christmas day and I could hear the joints straining every time I moved. It itched like mad as well.

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Spent some valuable time on Sunday going round the shops to identify an interesting gift for £5 or under. Spent the full £5 and then carefully wrapped it in nice paper. Made sure I took it in on the day and left it on the Secret Santa pile.

Stood through the manager reading out the labels and distributing the gifts. Lots of people excitedly opening their presents.

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Worst present I got were 3 pairs of actually very nice socks from the wife but in some crazy size like 14-16 (I'm a 9) which I only spotted after removing and throwing away the tags. Guess I could have taken it as a compliment.

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Spent some valuable time on Sunday going round the shops to identify an interesting gift for £5 or under. Spent the full £5 and then carefully wrapped it in nice paper. Made sure I took it in on the day and left it on the Secret Santa pile.

Stood through the manager reading out the labels and distributing the gifts. Lots of people excitedly opening their presents.

Gets to the end of the pile and nothing for me.

Clearly the co-worker who drew my name couldn't be arsed.

Cheers,

Nigel

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On the subject of Secret Santa...

The first year I started my current job, I was told that secret Santa gifts should be quite saucy. Given the nature of my organisation, I thought this was surprising, but hey ho.. I'll give it a go.

At the restaurant, gifts were being handed out - and to my horror, they were things like candle sets, books, expensive boxes of chocolates and useful gadgets. Right up until the girl from photocopying opened what I'd bought. A jar of 'nipple chocolate' and a little trowel applicator.

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Right up until the girl from photocopying opened what I'd bought. A jar of 'nipple chocolate' and a little trowel applicator.

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Compared to what was given out in the first claims team I worked in that would have been tame.

The funny thing was that that a senior manager came and viewed the floor below us and complained that it was like walking into a garage/workshop with the desk decoration. Thankfully he didnt come to our floor as the offending item downstairs was a calendar of Kyle where as on our floor all the womens desks had full nude male calendars, sex toys, penis lollypops etc...

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My MIL is terrible at choosing gifts. The worst Christmas present she has given me so far has been a giant sun shade that you put in your car to stop the interior heating up too much. A perfect gift to give for Christmas when you live in Scotland.

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My birthday is 2 days after Christmas...one year for Christmas I got a new Racing Bike, and then for my birthday I got the pump. It fitted perfectly on the new bike, even had matching stickers! (hardly surprising as it came with the bike).

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And while not strictly a Christmas present....we have friends over most Christmas. One year, they brought cheese straws and cranberry sauce. Other people have brought tomato sauce. Another year somebody brought crisps.

I've banned people this year. Although I believe we have company on Christmas Eve. Already said i'm no cooking. And as i'm not on-call, not working, not in the office, not cooking, i'm getting smashed.

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I got a jumper off an ex-girlfriend's parents. As I started to open it she said "If you don't like it they can take it back for something else". She went back home with it, I'd made a one inch tear in the wrapping paper and said "Don't like it" and handed it back to her.

I'm still waiting for my replacement gift... but it was twenty odd years ago