2016, A Year of Self-Doubts, Quarter life Crisis, and Growth

2016 was a bit harsh on me, you know. I'm speechless. But I'm pretty sure that when I read this back in the years to come I'll probably realize why. Anyway, 2014 was a year of beautiful dreams and hurtful sadness. 2015 affected my way of living of which decision making turned into a battle between survival and my own satisfaction and happiness though I knew back then that graduation was just the "start" of everything.

But I guess I predicted my 2016 and knew what was coming. When I posted my goals and dreams for the year, I stated that 2016 "would probably be one of the years that would make or break me (or just prepare me for something big)". True enough, I am breaking, but still fighting. Hahaha. So I guess 2016 prepared me for something big as I am super duper excited for what's in store for me this 2017. I just have to take risks and prepare myself for new adventures.

Twenty-sixteen for me is a year of self-doubts, quarter life crisis, and growth...

JANUARY. ME ON TV!! Saw myself several times on Home Base because of this eventbut I have no photos nor screenshots to show because when I saw myself on TV, I was too overwhelmed. lol. And I can't find the clip on home base's website. // The Forklift experience // Laufen Showroom Start of Construction

FEBRUARY. Chinese New Year // Super overtime at work, for about 2 weeks, for a big project we're bidding. So free food and more $$. lol // Job Interviews here and there. // But I felt very important because they don't want me to leave. Thank you. :)

JULY. My 23rd birthday //My brother's 17th birthday // Business Meetings // 3rd Job // Met new people and now they're my friends // Night out with my new workmates and the boss and it was so much fun

AUGUST. I was starting to doubt everything. I was starting to question my decisions. And everyday felt so heavy and kinda dragging. // Culture Connect: Castrillo @ 50

SEPTEMBER. My Dad's birthday // 2016 London Biennale Manila Pollination Metropolitan Theater Exhibition // Movie dates and family dinners // But my August feels is somehow still pretty much the same this month and I was trying my best to fight this though it was getting stronger each day.

OCTOBER. ACOLADA- YFC-UST's General Assembly for the S.Y. and it felt so good to be back because I really needed that worship // My brother's birthday // Manila Fame // Saturday Night Adventure at Greenfield // Blogged my heart out // Felt so good to cry my heart out in front of my parents. Felt so good to be comforted after trying to keep all the feelings and thoughts to myself

NOVEMBER. I'm starting to somehow love work again but it changed by the end of the month// I was no longer stressed from commuting because I started staying over at my Tita's house // Thank you so much Arby for being so nice and making my life so much easier. Thanks so much for the carpool everyday. haha // I attended Dexterton's Caracole "Off the Wall" Showroom Opening and it felt so good to be welcomed by my former bosses and workmates // Night out on a Thursday Night // Fantastic Beasts premiered and my brother and I's Potterhead selves became alive again // "Adventures" with Arby // Acquired myself a Harry Potter and the Cursed Child book and I was so happy // My blog won Philippines best blog of the year for 2016 on lagawan.org // Dots & Pixels Grand Opening and I met new friends // Finally had a "deep, deep" talk with my parents about life. I shed lots of tears but it felt so great to let them know and they'll support me in whatever decision I'll make.

DECEMBER. Jejay, I miss you // I finished reading HP & the Cursed Child // The motorcycle experience // Business Meetings & possible collaboration with this big brand // I finally have a decisive decision with what I'm gonna do with my career // Christmas Shopping // Christmas dinner with Mondo Design Studio // I actually like talking to Arby about life and career. He makes me think further but he uplifts me. Thanks Arby Maybe! // Christmas Eve and Christmas Day bonding with family and relatives, new way of celebrating because it was our first Christmas without Nanay (we call our grandma, my dad's mom, nanay) // Starbucks, Starbucks, Starbucks for the effin' stickers for the planner

Even though this year was so tough and full of challenges, I'm still very grateful because I gained a lot of learning, I became much tougher, i'm getting the hang of adulthood now, I met new people and some of them became very dear to me, and my blog really sky-rocketed this year and was named Philippines Best Blog of the Year for 2016 (never have I imagined that it was possible).

Also, I realized that quitting and giving up is okay as long as you're ready to take the risk and follow your heart for happiness. Also, it's okay to be lost and not know what you want in life because life will literally take you to where you really want to be, you just have to be ready to face the obstacles in your journey towards it and make sure to surround yourself with positive and supportive people.

Apparently, I'm still in the middle of my journey but I can smell the finish line, I'm nearing it so I won't give up {in life} and I hope you won't too. 2016 taught me so much and I'm glad for all the self-doubts I had, the quarter life crisis I faced, and the growth I had. It was a very tough year, yes,but I know that all of that is for the best.

Cheers to the buckets of tears I shed, to the laughter and happiness that made my heart somersault, and to the achievements I received in 2016! AND CHEERS TO THE BRAND NEW ADVENTURES I'LL HAVE THIS 2017. I am so ready to take on the New Year and re-gain myself!

Happy, happy New Year everyone! Thank you so much for sticking around!~
All the best for you! I love you all sooo much :)

RaeAbigael

Rae Abigael J. Caacbay is a young creative who went through a quarter life crisis by the end of 2016. Though she's still lost, she keeps on moving forward anyway as a ballerina, visual artist, lifestyle blogger, and a BS Interior Design graduate based in the Philippines.

3 comments:

Happy New Year Rae... I wish you lots of joy and happiness this year xox

I understand how great you can start feeling without having a very long commute to work. Mine was an hour and a half each way for 8+ years... it was really dragging on my psyche... Last month I finally started working from home and it changed my whole outlook on everything... I feel blessed.

I look forward to hearing what changes are coming to you this year and I love your attitude on trials, we all have to go through them, having a good attitude helps xox

Hello! I'm Rae. A ballet dancer and visual artist pursuing a career in Interior Design. This is my virtual sanctuary for interior design adventures, fashion experiments, art expressions, life on stage, and self-preservation.