Wednesday, December 21, 2016

Being Brave

Today being brave means that I got on the scale, and it wasn't pretty. I was prepared. It's just reality, it's something to deal with and I have the knowledge and tools to deal with it.

I've hit 307 pounds. Grr. So not good.

So that is the bad news. The good news is that I know that I really can reverse the damage. I don't have to be here. New goal! *rolls eyes* New goal is to get below 300 before the new year. I can't stay here. I can't live with this. I can't just let it go.

One big help I have in my life is my boyfriend, who is also struggling with his goals. We're now closer in weight than we have been in a long time. When we first met, he weighed a good 70 pounds less than me, but over time he ended up weighing at least 30 pounds more than me at my heaviest. We don't know for sure. So now, we're within 10 pounds of each other. I am happy for him, but not happy for me.

I have to keep pounding at it, no matter how many times I have to make declarations here, no matter how many times I mess up, no matter how many times I said that I would never go above 300 again... I know now that I can never really be too far away from it. I was down to 265 and thought it would be impossible to find myself back here, but look how easily it happened!

I really know better now. I must continue to be diligent.

Oh well, at least I like this photo of me today. Thanks Photo Booth app on my work computer!

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Who is Not Afraid of Stripes?

I'm Amy, a 47-year-old artist and graphic designer with a penchant for cat eye glasses who has struggled with weight and body image for most of my life. In 2014, I made the last commitment to myself to lose 200+ pounds and finally make peace with my body through mindful eating and exercise, and lots of support from friends and family.

As of November 2015, I was down 107 pounds at 265. I felt great! Just over a year later I found myself back up about 40, BUT I refused to give up. I am committed to the process despite the setbacks and know what I am capable of, and I know it takes time! As of May 2017, I've lost about half of what I gained back and keep on keeping on!

And... I am definitely not afraid of stripes. They are among my favorite things to wear – fat, thin, or otherwise!