Recipe: Tea for Sickies

Being sick totally sucks. Being sick while working sucks more. Being sick while working on a holiday weekend and there’s no one to cover for you is the worst.

I’ve been trying to fight off a cold since for a week. Unfortunately, I have been unsuccessful. Since I’m sick and have had very little appetite or desire to make anything, I figured I would share a recipe for tea that I make when I’m sick.

Ingredients: water, honey, tea, lemon, tissues, pathetic whimpering.

Steps

#1: Procure a bag of tea from your cabinet.

#2: Since you are probably under the influence of cold medication, double check to make sure you actually have tea. I made the mistake of grabbing the brown gravy packet. Note – tea cannot be substituted with something else in this recipe.

#3: Heat up your water using either the microwave or the stove…Boiling water is probably too dangerous for you to be around at this point due to illness and cold medication. Opt for a temperature that’s more than lukewarm, as the honey will need to dissolve.

#4: Place your teabag into the water to let steep. While waiting, proceed to use half a box of tissues in an attempt to clear your sinuses. Note – you won’t clear your sinuses as it’s a hopeless cause at this point.

#6: Holding a knife probably isn’t a good idea, as all your energy has been depleted from heating up the water and blowing your nose – in addition to being disoriented from cold medication. So take your lemon and attempt to crush it between both of your hands. If you manage to get some juice out, try to aim it into your cup of tea. If you can’t get any juice out of the lemon, cry. Note – crying doesn’t help you juice the lemon and it’ll probably lead to more snot.

#7: Quickly attempt to drink entire cup before your lungs try to escape your body in a prolonged coughing episode. If they try to escape while you’re drinking your tea, inhale some in an attempt to drown them in warm beveragey goodness. That’ll show em.

Step #8: Abandon the kitchen and if anyone asks about the mess, say a tea drinking bear happened through the area.

Step #9: Curl into a fetal position (on the floor, on the couch, in bed, anywhere you want really) and whimper pathetically.