"I still find each day too short for all the thoughts I want to think, all the walks I want to take, all the books I want to read, and all the friends I want to see." - John Burroughs

Sunday, April 16, 2006

Difficult

Everyone tells me that I'm coping so well when I feel like I'm falling apart on the little things.

Mum spent the day cleaning my kitchen, which was fine, but then she had a go at me for not having cleaned the cooker since he moved out. I tried to say that it was because I can only do a certain amount of cleaning before getting depressed so I stop before that and do something else - but she "doesn't believe" in depression. She tried to think positive all the time, which is fine, but she doesn't let anyone else slip even for a moment.

Ok, so my cooker top was a mess, but I hadn't gone out and spent £50 on vodka which I could have done.

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I went out tonight with Emily, Katie W and Matt. It was a good time, I lost once at pool and then beat Matt in the rematch (which considering I hadn't played for 6 years was pretty good). The problem came when we went to Blastoff @ The Civic. Katie wanted to find me a nice man to snog, and there weren't any. There were a few ok guys, but they all either had girls or turned away when I flirted. It just made me feel a bit crap, which is why I'm posting.

It's a bugger that the two men I really like at the moment are so not suitable, and that I have no mobile credit to flirt with a third one!

This came on in the cab home and I hope it's true, cos it doesn't feel like it at the moment.

"She Will Be Loved"

Beauty queen of only eighteenShe had some trouble with herselfHe was always there to help herShe always belonged to someone else

I drove for miles and milesAnd wound up at your doorI've had you so many times but somehowI want more

I don't mind spending everydayOut on your corner in the pouring rainLook for the girl with the broken smileAsk her if she wants to stay awhileAnd she will be lovedShe will be loved

Tap on my window knock on my doorI want to make you feel beautifulI know I tend to get so insecureIt doesn't matter anymore

It's not always rainbows and butterfliesIt's compromise that moves us alongMy heart is full and my door's always openYou can come anytime you want

I don't mind spending everydayOut on your corner in the pouring rainLook for the girl with the broken smileAsk her if she wants to stay awhileAnd she will be lovedAnd she will be lovedAnd she will be lovedAnd she will be loved

I know where you hideAlone in your carKnow all of the things that make you who you areI know that goodbye means nothing at allComes back and begs me to catch her every time she falls

Tap on my window knock on my doorI want to make you feel beautiful

I don't mind spending everydayOut on your corner in the pouring rainLook for the girl with the broken smileAsk her if she wants to stay awhileAnd she will be lovedAnd she will be lovedAnd she will be lovedAnd she will be loved

Thanks Mark, You're a dude.I am feeling better this morning - it was a combination of too much beer and feeling like I was wearing too much clothing (jeans) compared to some of the girls that were out.

But this morning I am back to my usual kick-ass self thanks to orange juice and Dairy Milk and Emily turning the tv saying "Let's see what's on" and the tv promptly shouting "William Shatner!".

And it's not a new found love, I've liked that song for ages *blows raspberry* xx

Right you know I'm not the best a sympathy and I do feel bad for you. However your life is pretty cool you have two cats that love you, a cool job with the best staff in the world, your own place so your mom can only bug you sometimes and as every one send when they saw your photo "You're well fit!"

About Me

I live in a houseful of books with my fabulous man, my beautiful daughter, and a crazy cat. I love cross-stitch, lie-ins, reading new books, red sneakers, motorsport and spending time with my family. I'd love to go to Paris, San Francisco and Los Angeles. Despite everything (or maybe because of it), I still believe in Happily-Ever-After.