Misfit Mavericks: Ever Feel Like You Don't Belong Here?

Do you ever feel like a misfit, a misfit or a maverick? Like somehow you don't belong here on this Earth? Join the club! Here at Openhand we connect with evolving people all over the world, and so often we hear from people who feel out of place somehow, have probably always felt that way, and have always struggled to fit in. You tell us you've felt judged, marginalised, penalised and persecuted. Being in a body feels strangely weird, and you just can't figure out why the world works the way it does. It's like you belong somewhere else or have come from somewhere else. It's probably because you have!...

You'll have deep feelings of empathy

Starsouls have come from all across the cosmos to be here at this special time on Earth - which is undergoing a monumental shift from Third to Fifth Density. It is no doubt a challenging transition, but as a starsoul, it's one which you'll feel strangely familiar with. Whereas others will see the concept as spiritual 'mumbo jumbo', to you, it all makes common sense. It's like falling off a log.

But that doesn't make being here any easier. First you have this body to contend with, and a density that makes everything seem separate and disconnected. You'll have to struggle for resources whereas the place you know, it all flows freely and fairly. You'll have deep feelings of empathy, where you can pick up the emotions or thoughts of others. Sometimes you'll confuse theirs as your own, which can make it so difficult to unravel. And working through a mind, instead of direct from the heart, is a challenge too. In this place, all too often, those with the strongest intellect tend to succeed. Whilst excessive emotion is frowned upon and chastised.

Is there a masterplan?

So what is the plan of the divine? Why is it you find yourself shipwrecked in this peculiar place, where nothing seems to flow properly and everyone has to fight for their slice of the pie?

Rest assured, there is a 'masterplan' to all of this. There is a deeper reason. (I wrote about it in DIVINICUS: rise of the divine human). It's all to do with helping humanity become a divine child of the universe. Starsouls have been drawn here from all across the cosmos to help initiate the divine spark of multidimensional awareness within humanity.

But you need a 'space suit' to be here, and you need to empathise with the problem every other human soul (mostly unknowingly) faces - that's why you find yourself stranded in this peculiar bodymind, that somehow doesn't quite work as it should.

You might be challenged in a physical sense, but your ability to resonate and move energy through the field, is deeply profound. You could be sitting drinking a cup of tea at your favourite teashop, yet all the while, downloading and radiating energy into the field which others (unknowingly) pick-up. Yet they're somehow reminded of their own soul vibration and before long, they're peeling off the veils of illusion.

You just need to have your pain recognised

So you have a profound and invaluable mission here - just being you. That's enough. It's all you have to do. I say 'all' but I know it's not easy. I empathise with you. My heart goes out to you. I recognise your pain. I know that you struggle to fit in and be accepted here. But you must know that you'll always be accepted by spirit, by your brothers and sisters around the world, and by your soul family, who are drawing close at this very special time. You don't always need your problems to be fixed do you? You just sometimes need someone to recognise your pain and express it - that you know it's been heard. You know you're cherished and deeply loved. So this one by the superlative Radiohead goes out to you...

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It's such a comfort to know that "being" is all that is required, but also nothing less than that. My life of "doing" was so exhausting und unproductive. The deeper I go, the more layers I peel off, the more magic happens. It isn't easy going inside, but for me staying on the outside was much worse, it didn't mean there was no pain, quite the opposite, just that it was accompanied by lack of purpose and meaning, and by despair.
Thank you!

Many thanks for this article, Open. It spoke to me & soothed me today - just what I needed to hear. I'm still hurting about a relationship issue in my life, & it was good to be reminded of what my "higher purpose" is, in this lifetime on Planet Earth, as a Starsoul.

This part spoke to me a lot:

You could be sitting drinking a cup of tea at your favourite teashop, yet all the while, downloading and radiating energy into the field which others (unknowingly) pick-up.

That's often how I feel, when I don't seem to be "doing" much, or even "doing" nothing, from most people's perspectives. It may seem like I am wasting my life away, & indeed that is sometimes the feedback I get from others who are on a different path, but I know that important spiritual work is going on even in my stillness & absence of "productive" activity.

That brings up some pain as I type that. There is a part of me that would like to have more "productive activity" in my life, & I'm not sure whether that is an aligned part of me seeking more expression, or my ego which is pushing me to do more in order to feel important & to feel that I have significance.

This feels important to explore at some stage, although I'm not sure if now is the right time.

I welcome feedback on my comment, but only 1 or 2 coaching-type questions per response please.

Following on from my previous post on this thread, I've just been doing some of my spiritually-inspired creative drawing, which for me is a way of connecting with how I'm being, & of being with myself. My creative drawing uses words a lot, so it's really a cross between journalling & abstract art. I found myself going into an exploration of the word "I", which can mean many different things for me. "I" can mean my soul, my body, my personality, my ego, & other things too.

Here are some things I wrote/drew about my soul & my ego:

My soul says:

I am nothing
I am everything
I have a unique expression
I am following my path of self-realisation
I align with the flow
There is no right or wrong

My ego says:

I am special
I am important
I want to be famous
I want to be admired
I want to be a "somebody"
I have to succeed
I have to achieve
I have to be right
Others are wrong

Typing this out is bringing up more uncomfortable feelings for me, of pain, shame & self-hatred. I will find a way to explore these feelings some more now, to allow them & give them some space, rather than trying to get rid of them.

Love the song by Radiohead, Open. Thanks. Perfect timing. "I want a perfect body and a perfect soul." Oh yeah, I can relate.

I was sitting at the beach yesterday feeling bone tired and weary, feeling the density of my body with its various aliments weighing me down, feeling slow and old and sluggish, missing the vitality of my youth. My eye caught an old dog walking slowly and gingerly along the water's edge, its mistress far ahead, lost in her own world. The dog's head was hanging low, and she was limping. Yup, that's me, I thought. Out of zing. Out of zang. Tears trickled down my face as I felt the worn out bones of the dog, like my own. But she kept walking, four paws moving along in the sand. Then she stopped and veered off her path along the shore. "Oh, dear. She's too tired to continue," I thought, wiping tears away. And then I watched as she made her way over to her tribe: three younger dogs playing joyfully on the beach. She wagged her tail and raised her head, rejuvenated, the weariness falling away. That's how I feel about my soul family here. You help to keep me going. If I had a tail, I would be wagging it now.

I was fortunate enough to be able to work with Oliver in some coaching a a few months back. It was then I discovered I was wearing a space suit, and with his assistance was able to take it off. It was a very profound moment in my life, one I treasure and often think about - it was like I 'arrived'. Since then I have found it easier to be...and although the world still feels crazy, and I still don't quite fit, it now feels easier to find my center within the storm.
Love
Shar x

"You have to find the balance between commitment to a cause and efforting to make it happen. This is not an easy thing to do! Giving up commitment is not the answer; neither is doing nothing. That's just throwing the baby out with the bathwater. You have to let yourself be 'all-in' to the creative process, yet watch where your consciousness tightens around the creation too much. This is where 'blind-spots' appear - you're so focused you miss the bigger picture. Commit yes, but watch the periphery of your creations. Allow the creations not to happen, because the flow clearly wants to swing in another direction. This will soften up your creative process over time - meaning you can commit, and create, but not be lost in the creation."

I had a dream last night where I was driving and veered off onto a road that looked like a path into the beauty of nature. Instead, I ended up in a fancy resort drenched with commercialism. The path to nature was a false one. I wanted to turn around and get "home" but I kept getting lost and couldn't find my way out. I woke up in a panic. Open's post was synchronous with my dream. I'm getting lost and identifying with creations, unconscious of blind spots, that aren't in the divine flow and can't find my way to the Light because I'm identifying and attaching to them. The TV series "Lost" comes to mind.

And maybe the path into commercialism (whatever that means) IS the path - maybe that's where you'll hit the tightness. So don't reject the unfavourable path. Try not to judge how you think it should be. Just accept what you create and turn right into it - go deeply into every resistance that appears. Then you have a chance to unwind your way out.

So helpful. Thanks, Open. I'm feeling the path into commercialism as per my dream represents an invitation to begin interacting more with folks in mainstream society to not only help unwind my own distortions but to help others unwind theirs. Those are the opportunities I am creating, and signs and synchronicity are pointing that way. My dream suggests that I'm fearful of getting swallowed up and "lost" in the matrix, judging it, so have been withdrawing from mainstream society. It feels like it's time to step up and step out more and help shine the light.

Yes!!! Feeling quite humble as I observe all the interactions amongst humans thrown together at inopportune moments in time. It's the nature of my profession yet in the turmoil chaos devastation there is such authentic beauty. It's often overlooked so easily. We are all misfits and mavericks as in each moment the path melds around our earthly experience.
It seems the more effort one asserts the more angles or edges that form thus defining the being with superficial attachments one sees with human eyes, then an association happens as the mind places value upon what is seen. Making the experience more turbulent thus when "we" interact from a more soulful source it often feels abrasive or sharp. The "Us and Them" mentality only accomplishes more division or dissension. I'm ok with it all. It's a choice to feel like one doesn't "fit in" but that just shows that there is still unresolved stuff to unwind. Without attachment there is this supreme tolerance that arises which allows the light to shine ever brighter!

Yes, thank you Erica,
As much as we always feel misfits, it's still just an identity to expand beyond. The same way as it is important to step beyond the socially prescribed statuses, inside or out. It's a hard step to come to terms with one's "misfitness" in life, hence the importance of a supporting community, of course. And: it's a humbling step when the sense of being different from others falls. To me this is the call of the dark light of cosmic unity. But any way of putting it is as good as the other.
Your wording here I liked very much and I'm nodding here in support.
Love,
Reka

I think you're both right yes - 'misfit' is 'just' an identity to work beyond.

But is that not like any other identity? And how do we work past it? If you don't honour your pain, then you can't become as One with it. It's the same as being abused, mistreated or victimised - as a woman for example.

I believe it's right therefore to call something when you feel it, and you know people are suffering from it. When you recognise it, when you express the pain, then most of the work is already done.

Yes, exactly. As I meant to say, it's a hard one to step into, to face the pain, and all it entails, as facing it is the first step of many following. And one of those will surely be the "humbling" one (or an ecstatic one, or a terrifying one, whatever) to come to terms with the oneness of it all.
I (of all people) would not be the one advocating avoidance of pain... (haha, what a thought ;) )
Its all a dialectically spiralling Jacob's ladder leading us to (if not Heaven but) the centre of it all.

Thank you Reka for the response.
Thank you Open for turning the prism to shine light upon the aspect of pain and how recognition allows expression leading to a sense of freedom...which I think you leveled the playing field for all to relate.,

I witnessed this just tonight as tears and frustration led to joy and laughter from a colleague as I held the space for her to just be in a moment of perceived conflict in the midst of chaos.. stillness

In a way that's what initiated my response because if I had chosen any mask or label then the experience would have been altered as I distanced myself by creating a barrier between us. I wore the misfit mask for quite awhile and still have people close to me express that they don't know what I'm talking about or "here she goes again" (makes me laugh to think of their facial expressions). It creates a barrier to really feeling each moment. At some point it just no longer matters in any realm. I think truly honoring the pain occurs as any identity dissolves, it felt like misfit/maverick provided comfort which just morphs into another mask or distortion. When the identity dissolves then the initial vulnerability or nakedness or feeling exposed occurs. If we jump into another space suit...we are right back where we started. I hope this helps others in some way.

Love this discussion! Thank you everyone for taking me ever deeper. Perhaps as Trinity has expressed, the purest essence of "misfit" is beyond all identities and is felt as the freedom to be totally, authentically who we are in a world where most are tethered and bound to identities. Last night I stepped back into a milieu where I once felt like a misunderstood misfit. I felt a shift. It simply doesn't matter nearly as much.

Open, in response to your comments, I instantly recognized my attachment to being the oppressed woman in a patriarchal society but know the way to transcend this identity is to feel and express the pain.

Just to be clear, when you express the pain, work not to express how you would react to the pain - for example to project it a paternal energy. Rather feel it in your body and surrender into it. Let it express through you, but not to blame anyone for it - you drew it to yourself through the Law of Attraction.

Remember, this all about becoming the One in it. The One contains all of this within. And so to be the One, we must learn to do the same. Ultimately we become untouched by it - not distanced from it, but awesomely okay through.

If anyone finds this easy, they probably haven't quite got the drift of it.

It is challenging, it is shattering. But that's the way to true healing.

"Rather feel it [the pain] in your body and surrender into it. Let it express through you but not blame anyone for it...The One contains all of this within...we must learn to do the same. Ultimately we become untouched by it -- not distanced from it, but awesomely okay through...It is challenging, it is shattering. But that's the way to true healing."

Right now this is a powerful reminder for me. India and indeed much of the world is in turmoil as the generations-long abuse of the Feminine comes to the fore. Strangely enough ,perhaps because I'm continuing to come back to my body and feel it,I am not feeling as constrained by the very patriarchal culture I live in as much as I used to . In fact ,the anger and hurt and sadness ,I find are excellent fuel to go deeper and deeper.

In fact I am now much more comfortable being seen in my feminine glory ,much more comfortable being a leader . I am able to connect this to the feeling into abuse and the fear around it. I have not had any horrendous experiences in this life but have connected to a couple in past lives . And also I sense that a couple of generations ago an acestor suffered abuse . I'm opening up ,that's what I feel . And strangely enough I am feeling more deep belonging within me than I ever have . I don't seem to need to belong to a tribe anymore( and this was a deep deep wound - the need to belong) . I seem to know at a felt level that just by continuing to be authentically myself ,the tribe will form around me ....

If ever there was anything that really called me to OH was exactly that - here I received the acknowledgement of the place of pain, not only in life but in the process of spiritual (or just simply personal) unfolding. Thank you for holding this place.

Erica: You say
"I think truly honoring the pain occurs as any identity dissolves, it felt like misfit/maverick provided comfort which just morphs into another mask or distortion. When the identity dissolves then the initial vulnerability or nakedness or feeling exposed occurs. If we jump into another space suit...we are right back where we started. I hope this helps others in some way."

Yes. And: "truly" honouring pain (Pure, undistorted Pain that is) in my experience equals to totally giving oneself up to its flow. "One with the pain", Open often says. This is the way it can become an amazing laser precision carrier energy into and out of density -- it takes one beyond multidimensional / karmic "knots" in the Soul (aka identities).

When there is PURE pain, it is like fire. Rips away all that is unnecessary -- a transformational energy, mysteriously very similar to undistorted, Pure LOVE.

In both cases though, in-pain and in-love experiences in our lives, we have so much conditionings and so much fear to let go of that in fact, MOST of the time we only jump from one suit into the other, tasting the raw freshness of "air" on our naked skins temporarily, for a "taster time" only before wrapping ourselves back into something else.

Because not only it is (a recurring) period in the whole spiritual process (aka Life) where the gems are really hidden but also where the greatest dangers lie. Its delicate vulnerability makes it all too easy for external (but often internalised) influences to suffocate, or distort, the budding sense of pure beingness (and more).

So I've been really into an exploration of the idea of transitional, or trans-identity states (as one does not immediately dissolve into oneness, of course). When I was in one of my deepest, most in-pain processes of my life and almost dissolved into non-being (here on earth) I learnt something about the beauty of these states - the freedom of using them according to the soul's calling.

In shamanism it is called shapeshifting. It is actually a preliminary method of soul healing: first to accept that while here on earth these states give a framework to function by (called ego). And then: to grow up to the fact that they do not define one but are to be used, taken and thrown away for the benefit of all.

At the moment I find the most peace in transitionary states - as (where I am) it seems the closest to who I am (not).

The concepts of transitional identity states and shape-shifting for Soul healing are very interesting. I think I have been doing these without realizing that there are healing processes around them. Can you please share some resources that can point me to more information on how they can be used effectively.

Thank you for the reply. I'll try and explain what 'transitional identity and shape-shifting' means to me. Although I'm not sure if that's what Reka also meant.

Please forgive me for the rather long reply - but I thought that providing some background might help.

I recognize that my true identity (my Inner Being) is very different from what is manifesting as my person as thoughts, behavior patterns, beliefs and actions in this 3D space. These make me very uncomfortable because they feel like not-me making it very difficult to express my authentic being. It feels like patterns I have somehow absorbed from my environment. I have felt this way for much of my life. I made several futile attempts to dissolve these patterns and move towards a more authentic state of being but could not. It felt like there were strong energies pulling me into the 3D space and keeping the patterns intact.

At one point, possibly from exhaustion, I stopped trying. Before I knew what was happening I got pulled into the matrix and actually spend a great many years in there. I felt a sense of oppressed relaxation but the relaxation was desperately needed and I ignored the 'oppressed' part. According to the IChing my mistake was "getting accustomed to the abyss (the matrix)."

What happened after that was a series of extremely painful events that showed me all the places where I had become accustomed to the matrix. I have been trying once again to come back to a state of authentic being, but the habitual patterns feel like a solid core on top of myself that has its own momentum. It also obscures the true state of being.

Sometime back I heard an audio program about Shamanic dreaming and how we have a dream body which exists in a different reality. I also learned that we can assume any shape or identity in our imagination and exploring that identity could have a healing effect.

Since my true self, feels obscured by an outer layer, I cannot imagine what authentic being would feel like. So I take my present 3D identity (thought and habit patterns), and try to imagine something that might be closer to the truth.I feel this helps me dissolve unhealthy patterns and move somewhat in the direction of a healthy state. However, I do this rather randomly (because the gap feels so wide that I am usually moving all over the place) and Reka's post made me wonder if there might be a better way of imagining myself in different forms/identities (shape-shifting) and exploring what that state of being might be in order to dissolve the unhealthy patterns and move towards my true self.

I am not sure if I have been able to explain properly - my apologies if it's confusing

Yes, the matrix can be like that - is like that - heavy and conditioning, emprisoning and limiting.

But there is most definitely a way out, although it requires a good deal of courage and commitment. The solution has to be a progressive and continual process. Essentially it is to recognise when you are in a distorted behaviour pattern through the tightness they generate. Then to express with complete honesty into it. If you're pissed off and frustrated, then be that - express it totally.

There comes this point of complete surrender within the distortion, and then you're becoming as one with it. At this point, you're digging up the roots of the problem. And then an expression of authentic soul will come through.

This absolutely works - we call it the "Breakthrough Approach". But as I said, it is not something to do several times and think its done, or else failed if you didn't get anywhere. There has to be progressive and continual commitment to it.

Once you're progressively breaking through, then the path and the continua expansion process becomes a way of life. For that, we need to attune our 'spiritual compass'. At Openhand we apply the process Openway for attuning this.

I would suggest browsing the website and staying tuned. Then you'll get more of a sense of the approach.

Ok.. So I let it flow for a few moons
What came really rips another veil apart yet again. I see a shapeshifter. It's a conscious effort used like a tool. How I use human emotions or concepts to reflect where I perceive others to be or where I think I am or often to show something that will initiate growth because deeply that is where I start from...what I yearn for even though the mind says it's counterintuitive. I shred a life I built a few years ago but am seeing how I am repeating patterns. In observing myself, pausing then pausing yet again to see what comes up Inside.. I feel immensely loved and cared for and know there is absolutely no feeling, thought or idea I can share if I am now willing to go there also. So much compassion..After I posted those words a few days ago, I felt vulnerable but that was the point.. To go without intellectualizing ... to let go of fitting in.. to just be me.

I often stand on my own as I feel such strength and know realities crumble easily if I do not go gently... I am independent and immensely delve into aloneness..I then looked into Thunderbird. The thunderbird is a legendary creature in certain North American indigenous peoples' history and culture. It is considered a supernatural bird of power and strength. Taught by the Kwakwaka'wakw and Cowichan people, could shapeshift into human form by tilting back their beaks like a mask and by removing their feathers as if they were a feather-covered blanket. Sioux stories tell that in "old times" the thunderbirds destroyed dangerous reptilian monsters called the Unktehila.They are messengers of the Great Sun himself.
I've always felt a deep connection to Native Indians or Indigenous cultures. I used to spend hours traipsing through mud in search of arrowheads/ artifacts. Having conversations.. visions.. I just now recalled many many many dreams where I was flying then taught others to fly. These dreams always felt extremely real...or flickers of past life experiences.

This now creates a time frame without words to express. It's creating shifts felt on a cellular level.
Yet.. Deeply I know none of this truly matters. Is it just another mirage to form a distortion to place superficial value in that distracts or is even that thought a distraction? Yet I know, I feel deeply.. the earth..Gaia transcending
Which led me to the next three words.. Time portals and vortex

Took me to Magnetospheric Multiscale Mission by Nasa which
MMS investigates how the Sun’s and Earth’s magnetic fields connect and disconnect, explosively transferring energy from one to the other in a process that is important at the Sun, other planets, and everywhere in the universe, known as magnetic reconnection. Reconnection limits the performance of fusion reactors and is the final governor of geospace weather that affects modern technological systems such as telecommunications networks, GPS navigation, and electrical power grids. Four identically instrumented spacecraft measure plasmas, fields, and particles in a near-equatorial orbit that will frequently encounter reconnection.. this brought up much as the polar vortex, magnetic poles are shifting. The word reconnection shouts to me as star souls shine vibrantly

Then vortex took me to Ancient civilizations and modern esoteric traditions which believe that the body of our physical blue planet materialized from a universal energy matrix and has a subtle structure, similar to the human energy field.
On to the earthquake I recently experienced.. Just feeling expansive beyond words

Thank-you for this article...and well, that Video from Radiohead the song 'Creep' Holds a special place in my Heart for me....In my first Retreat with Openhand in Harpers Hill, Seatle on the last day You assisted me and I made a great Breakthrough during this Song <3 now this song strengthens me.

I feel words Cheapen How much Gratitude I have for the Entire Openhand team, But once again I feel the need to express it <3

I have felt like a misfit all my life but I could never understand why.

Today morning I had an image of a group of people quite caught up in the matrix but still having a great time. Frolicking, fighting, suffering, aspiring and working for their ambitions, communicating... I could feel they were in the matrix but were still having a great time. I could feel an invisible energy feeding them and I could also feel that the invisble energy was not feeding me (and possibly not feeding other misfits as well).

I tried putting myself in the shoes of one of the person's in the group. I could feel an interest in the stock and property markets. An orientation towards wordly achievements, a little bit of one-upmanship, but also helping and supporting others. Sometimes with genuine care and sometimes because the ego felt better. But there was something else. An energy of belonging. It had a certain quality of nourishment. As if I was being held by the web. And then I realized that the bickering of people that I often found so confusing also had a quality of nourishing and belonging to it.

It seems like this is this energy that sustains the matrix. If someone tries to break away from it, they are immediately weaned energetically. And it feels confusing and exhausting.

Going off at a slight tangent - I was reading something about brainwave states yesterday. There is a theory which suggests that infants from the age of 0 - 6 have a Theta brainwave state ( 4 - 7 cycles). In this state, a person is like a sponge. That is why infants learn so fast. They observe and absorb everything in their environment - including patterns of all the people in their environment who are very much part of the matrix.

This is a huge challenge for souls who are different. Because the challenge is not limited to feeling confused in a strange society but it may also include (it has for me) feeling confused about their own reactions to situations. I have felt it so many times. I respond in a certain way and it immediately hits me - I am not like this, but why am responding in this way? Then I sit with it and can sometimes identify the person from my early environment who had this pattern. Another downside of not being a misfit is that I am not nourished by the 'Belonging Energy'. So I need to find my own authentic source of nourishment.

I find that it can be quite a challenge to deal with all these fronts at the same time (being a misfit, trying to undo the patterns of childhood, and trying to find my authentic source of nourishment and the other challenges of day to day life). But the most challenging is undoing childhood patterns because they seem to distort my authentic movement - which is the hardest to deal with.

It's a great question indeed - why might we feel a sense of 'belonging' within the matrix (if I summarise accurately)?

I'd say every reality is based on some aspect of truth. And by that, I mean something which connects various aspects of soul. In this case, I would say its the natural empathy of the soul, and also the soul's commtiment to the karmic construct that we've agreed to explore.

But there are other aspects of soul that are essential to our well being and natural "soul-ray-harmonic" too. And when a particular 'lesson' has been integrated, then we might also - at the same time - start feeling a pull to higher states of consciousness.

How might we balance the two?

I wrote an article here that could shed some light on the conundrum...

Thank you for sharing the article. Learning how to balance my commitment to what I wanted to explore in this reality along with the pull towards higher states of consciousness is something that would help me a lot.

I felt to post this article about "Maverick Misfits" again today - I'm hearing from evolving people all around who say society feels like it's going through crazy madness as we pass through the Inflexion Point. And that you still feel like outsiders who don't fit in. That's okay - our time has come. We're here to be connected into the higher dimensions of more aligned truth, and we're also here to shine a light in the darkness. So take courage, surrender, open deeper, feel your higher dimensional home within your heart - know the truth of that. And then keep shining the light, keep trusting - a pathway will carry you through it all.

This song came to me as I was writing - I felt to share. Love to all...

Finding your true expression of yourself whatever that is no matter the consequences. Following the pull of Soul and the Sweetness of the experience when you "get it" Coming home to yourself. I am so blind most of the time but DAMN when I let the flow take me nothing compares. Tears to my eyes right now!!! Namaste to all life. Exciting times we are living in INDEED!!!! Fare thee well fellow travelers!!! Love Speed!!!

Open, thanks for reposting this article, which is very timely for me after the synchronicity this weekend, which I already shared in another thread, with the poster of Stephen King’s new book ‘The Outsider’, which really hit home somehow. I have always felt like a misfit who doesn’t belong in this world, yet at the same time a part of me has always desperately been trying to fit in and find a sense of belonging, simply to avoid the feelings of loneliness as a misfit. Rather than just unleashing my soul and be a complete maverick, I have somehow been regulating the extent of the ‘misfitting’ to remain within certain boundaries to avoid ending up on my own as a complete outsider (and also to avoid ‘fitting’ the definition needed for admission to a mental institution).

I realise that the fear and avoidance of this loneliness is at the root of a lot of my somewhat misaligned behaviours. For example, my fear of rejection, feelings of not being good enough and self-criticism/doubt, too much trying to control situations and lack of trust in just letting things flow, are all mechanisms to not let the real misfit inside get too much out of hand and end up as a lonely outsider as a result. And when the feelings of loneliness do arise in full glory, my usual strategy to cope is to find some kind of distraction from the aloneness. For example, by seeking the company of people around me, but particularly eating and the internet provide welcome companions/distractions when such feelings arise. I know that the resolution for truly allowing my misfit nature (soul) to come out fully, lies in facing the loneliness full on, but the distractions can be such a comforting excuse not to!

Hi Marije! I just wanted to say how much I appreciate your exploration. I have felt our processes the last week overlapping and dancing together and that has felt lovely and supportive. I can definitely relate to these experiences and you seem to have a high degree of clarity and insight around it all! Jen <3