SECRET WEAPONS SPICE BUC BLITZ

The Tampa Bay Buccaneers always have been a sneaky team, especially when it comes to dealing with the honest-to-a-fault local media. Once again the Bucs have pulled a fast one on the unsuspecting media in preparation for the annual "blood-and-guts" softball tilt Saturday afternoon at 3 p.m. on the field at the Walt Disney World Village. Scot Brantley has been the Bucs' main weapon for years. The linebacker from Ocala can knock a softball from Disney Village over Epcot and have it land somewhere in the Magic Kingdom. However, things looked bright for the spunky media team this year because Brantley is recuperating from shoulder surgery, meaning he dare not throw the ball. We assumed that meant he couldn't play, but the Bucs just announced they plan to use Brantley as a "designated home-run hitter" Saturday. Fear not, the local media has a secret weapon of its own. We plan on using Chris "Boom Boom" Russo of WKIS-AM (740) as our DDT -- designated deadly talker. His job will be to force the Bucs to cover their ears while the rest of us steal home.

The Bucs-media game is one part of the seventh annual Buccaneer Blitz at the Disney Village Saturday. The Swash-buc-lers will hold a cheerleading clinic at the Village in the morning, followed by the Bucs-media softball game at 3 and a Bucs-Disney softball game at 4:30. The cheerleaders and Bucs band will perform at the softball field, and Buc players will be available for autographs. The Blitz is Orlando's one chance each year to meet the Bucs. Admission is free and directional signs to the softball field will be posted throughout the Village area.

For those who want to see football Saturday, the semipro Orlando Bears host West Palm Beach at 7:30 p.m. at Wymore Field in a semifinal game of the Southeastern Football Federation championship playoffs. The Bears (9-2-1) are favored against Palm Beach (8-4). If the Bears win, they will play the winner of the match between the Gainesville Bull Terriers and the Atlanta Dragons for the league title in Ocala on June 22. Admission Saturday is $2 at the gate.

Back to the USFL. Foolish me. I had been assuming that the playoff games would be paired according to won-lost record. Rumors out of New York indicate that the pairings actually may be made according to attendance records. The league has stated that the two conference champions will play at home in the playoffs, but it has not said how the other six playoff teams will be matched. The temptation is to have the playoff teams with the best attendance records play at home. For example, if the playoffs were starting this weekend, Tampa Bay (9-6) would be at Denver (10-5) based on won-lost records. But it may turn out that Denver (average attendance of 14,765) will be at Tampa Bay (average announced attendance of 45,607) regardless of won-lost records. . . . Speaking of that Bandits' attendance average, it's actually 31,413, according to the Tampa Sports Authority count of ticket stubs.

On the NFL front, owners continuing to play hardball at the negotiating table with rookie draft choices. The New York Jets had league's highest average salary last year at $215,000 and, surprise, Green Bay was second at $202,000. Packers are telling everybody that they will reduce that average this year whether they sign a single rookie. . . . So far only three first- round picks have signed. Buffalo has signed No. 1 pick Bruce Smith ($2.7 million for four years) and Derrick Burroughs ($1.7 million for four), and Cincinnati has signed Emanuel King (about $1.1 million). . . . Quote of the week, concerning the clubs' strict negotiating, comes from New York Giants General Manager George Young: "I think we're going to have to apply real business principles rather than jockstrap principles."