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I put up a poll a couple days ago to try to gauge how you guys would feel about me putting a couple ads on my blog. I allowed you to pick multiple answers, so the data might be skewed slightly, but even still, the results were a little surprising to me:

Don't you think you guys are being a little melodramatic about this? Did you know that 224 of you are dead now?

You should really try to die less easily.

And to the 162 of you who are going to come to my house and kick me in the face (even though half of you are probably dead right now due to overlap in the results): I'll be wearing a steel-reinforced hockey mask.

Anyway, the ads are up. There are three of them. I know next to nothing about SEO, so the ads that show up are going to be pretty random.

And in case any of you are worried, this is as far as I'm going to go with monetization on this blog. (I had to bold this next part because even after posting about this on Facebook, Twitter and my blog, I am still getting comments/emails about how I better not put pop-ups on my blog.)

You will never see me write a paid review of anything. I will never molest you with pop-ups or pop-unders or anything that flashes or moves or causes my page to freeze.There will be no pop-ups or moving things. None. Ever.

That little box of text in the sidebar is it. That is what I was making a big deal about.

That being said, I do want to make this whole advertising thing more entertaining for you guys. So what I'm going to do is run AdSense until I can get some direct advertisers who will allow me to design my own ads. So, direct advertisers, here is a sample of what I can do for you, based off of product-requests from my readers (via Twitter and Facebook):

While I recognize that I probably won't be getting advertising from Macintosh or Adobe Illustrator, it doesn't hurt to court them a little. However, someone needs to take down Charmin Ultra because their thinly-veiled dingleberry jokes are getting kind of annoying.

IN OTHER NEWS: I haven't been posting as frequently. You have probably noticed this. I knew I wouldn't be able to keep up that crazy 7-day-a-week posting schedule I had going last month, but I think I can manage 3 or 4 posts a week pretty indefinitely once my life settles down a little. So just in case you were worried, this lapse in posting doesn't mean my blog is in its death throes. On the contrary, it means that my blog is doing so well that I've been too busy to write a post every single day.

OH MY GOD THIS POST KEEPS GOING AND THERE REALLY ISN'T ANY CONTINUITY WHATSOEVER BUT THAT'S OKAY BECAUSE GUESS WHAT?

SPAGHATTA NADLE!

I have been inundated with emails about Spaghatta Nadle, so here you go, weirdos.

Okay. This post was a monstrosity. All the separate parts were okay, but when I put them together it just came out all weird. Like putting A1 steak sauce on a banana.

UPDATE: I've been asked a few times about whether clicking the ads makes me money. The answer is yes, but you can't just go clicking on every ad because you like me. I wholeheartedly appreciate the sentiment, but Google classifies it as click-fraud and I'll get in trouble. However, if you see something that interests you, feel free to take a look at it.

I am all for folks making money and eating. I am hoping you don't put ads that flash or flicker because they can be very annoying while reading a blog. If you chose to do so, then so sad cause I am out. :(

I'm happy you're making some money, even though I'm dead. And even though I'm dead, I could still kick you in the face and your hockey mask wouldn't help you because a hockey mask is no protection against a death kick from a dead reader.

I'm so glad there was a new post today! You totally made my night! For some reason, it seems like whenever I'm drinking, you post a new one....maybe I should drink more? hrmmm I'll have to test that theory. Anyways, I don't mind your ads. Make that money girl! I love your blog. I'm a new recruit, but I'm totally hooked!! I've been telling everyone I know about your blog! Keep it up, cuz you kick da ass!!! :)

I think accidently voted for the totally-a-delicate-flower-so-now-I'm-dead option, then I tried to correct it to my originally intended choice of you're-dumb-for-not-putting-up-ads-earlier option, but I'm not sure if it actually worked…so, I might have died but am obviously using a keyboard right now…does this mean I might be a zombie? WHERE THE FUCK IS AN ALLIE GRAPH OR GUIDE ON WHETHER OR NOT I'M A ZOMBIE? (Ok, I may have been drinking when I posted this, but I still think an "Am I a zombie?" guide would be helpful right now just in case.)

darn i missed the survey! in any case now that you are going to put up ads when can i buy a $40 mini ad? and since your supper creepy and can find me i'm both curious and afraid what kind of ad i would be buying if you designed it.

do you make money when I click on those? Cuz I clicked on them so you could eat food. And I like you. But you should tell me if it matters cuz otherwise I'm just a loser clicking internet ads for crescent rolls.

The 9-ply toilet paper ad is superb. "The only way you can be more safe from poo is to wipe with a pillow". That is SO much better than those stupid ads with dogs unrollowing a toilet roll all around the house. Who is supposed to think that is good anyway? I'd be annoyed if a dog did that. Its made a mess AND wasted a whole roll. Its not like I'm going to roll it back up again is it??

dude, I've been like stalking your blog for a while cuz its supa dupa funny but boyfriends cartoons were pretty freaking rad. does he have a super amazing blog of awesomeness too? oh yea, and you should answer the damn question about clicking the ads. DOES IT MATTER!?!?!?

I just found your blog a couple of days ago and I love it! You make me wish I had a company to advertise. Hell, if I had money, I would pay you to advertise me. I am pretty sure you are the only one who could do it correctly anyway!

The Coca-Cola Corporation is a responsible partner in bringing you refreshment. The next time you feel a bit pequod, (peaked? peekud? peak ed?) PEKID! -

Cut!

The Coca-Cola Corporation is a responsible partner in bringing you refreshment. Sure, other companies bring you fine, fizzy beverage options, but only the Coca-Cola Corporation brings you Coca-Cola: the Finest Surgary Corporate Beverage In The World. Whether you're cracking the cap on that classic glass bottle, twisting off the breaky-thread screw-off lid of the plastic bottle option, or popping the pull-pin on the ol' red aluminum hand grenade of flavor that is the iconic and formidable Can Of Coke Classic, you're sure to enjoy the taste sensation that for years has had millions fleeing their homes to seek it out wherever it hides: in movie theaters. In supermarkets. At your local top-brand fast-food restaurant. Or sometimes, just sitting there in a machine on a street corner.

I just thought you should know that there is an ad to the side right now that says "Buy Muscle Sandwich Bars." At first I thought it was something you posted, but I clearly see "Ads by Google" at the bottome. And by "bottome" I mean "bottom." It would have been a lot easier in hindsight just to erase that "e", but it's too late now.

I've been reading your posts on Google Reader for a while now, but I popped by just to click on an ad so you receive ad revenue & don't die from lack of money which will lead to starvation which in turn shall be the cause of your death, & that would truly suck since I really enjoy your posts.

I just found your blog a few days ago, and I must say it is freakin' hilarious! Keep up the funny cuz funny is good.Now, I'm in the process of reading all your back posts. Yes, I like your blog THAT much! :D

Paypal donation boxes are not a bad idea. I've gotten a few extra dollars from that over the years. And actually, there are 388 dead people, cause of the ones who set themselves on fire. Really an undignified way to go, setting yourself on fire over a blog you never had to pay to read in the first place.

OMG. I clicked on one of your adds because I thought it was way funny. Something about advertising with banners in the sky. And I would post the picture but I'm not that savvy of the first banner on their web site. It says "Beer airdrops are illegal. We looked into it." lol!

Holy fuck, I finally caught up with the present! Yes, I read every post, in a row... over the course of a few days. I did not read all the comments, though I left a few, in the past. Reading all the comments would take me an extra month.

Which is my only beef with your blog. I'm not saying you should be less famous, because you worked hard for it. I'm not saying people should comment less, because then it would be hypocritical of me to even make one, myself.

What I am suggesting, to assist the rest of us OCD semi-completionists is to move (if possible) the post navigation links [Newer Post/Home/Older Post] so that they sit directly after your post, instead of under an indeterminate amount of comments.

I mean, 20 comments in the early days? Yeah, I can read through those. 30-40... I might commit, if I have some spare time. 50+, Jesus Forbid your new fame-induced 100+ comments... I just can't do THAT.

So, basically, anyone lunatic enough to read your entire blog to be completely informed on whether they want to follow you or not has to scroll a ton to find the newer post link.

Oh yeah, and Hello Monster owns the [End] key, and my [Pg Dn] key is kind of happy because it's seen way more use than I ever intended it for (that is, completely ignoring it, because I actually read at the rate of [Down Arrow]...).

Um, wtf. Yeah, page navigation would make me happier, and be easier for your future past readers, if you had the links BEFORE the comments.

I'm afraid to talk too much about retirement adventures/jobs on my blog....I'm going to work at Yellowstone in a couple of weeks. I don't want ads for depends or prunes or old people stuff. If I wore depends I wouldn't be going to Yellowstone!

I am just wondering.... do you only get money if we actually click on the ads? or do you get money for them just being there? If so I will click every time I come here... because it makes me happy to help others and I want you to eat food and live off of things other than bananas and ramen.

I'm confused. Clicking your ads is good or gets you in trouble? I clicked one ad because I didn't want to seem like an over-zealous ad clicker who is insincere in their clicking. But I do want you to get money. I think one click is safe. Right?

My favorite thing about Spaghatta is that it takes me a few moments to figure out wtf he is saying, and when I do for some reason the delay makes it ten times funnier. The "Get Low" noodle had me dying. I would also like to throw my vote in for you placing a paypal donation button somewhere on this wondrous blog so we can donate, and you can use that to buy food or build up your anti-bear defense system.

HAHAHAOMG! You are so hilarious! Spaghatta Nadle by boyfriend is HILARIOUS!!! And btw! I was in Seattle last weekend at the Havana dancing my ass of to "skaht skaht mahthar fahkars" with my hot friend Byron. So posted this to his FB! Thanks for the wonderful blog! You make me laugh. Loud.

Hi again. I came back to check your tea sandwiches ad and click on it, because I thought I might have a hankering for a tea sandwich right about now. However, lo and behold, all tea sandwich ads have disappeared!!

Woe was me, until I saw that the ad replacing it was one headed, "Guilt and Shame". Awesome. They must know I'm here.

Normally I don't care for the advertizements . However, your writing is nothing short of amazing, and I think it's more than reasonable that you make some money off of it. In fact, you may want do start digging around for a publisher, yo.

I'm surprised that you were so nervous about putting AdSense on. The thing we have to remember, like it or not, is that writing is a business. We do it because it's a personal expression, it's entertaining, infuriating, funny, or whatever it is to readers, but in the end we do deserve to be compensated for creative works just like anyone else.

There's no shame in having a few ads. Half a page of ads, as I'v seen on some blogs, is just obnoxious, but you're nowhere near that. Karatah!

So, I totally could not even find the ads until I searched for like 5 minutes. I'm surprised that natural selection hasn't already weeded out all the sensitive people who die upon seeing ads - how ironic to have made it through the internet minefield, only to die from that little google blurb on your blog.

For real, I clicked on an ad and it took me to a kitchen website and it taught me how to make "clever crepes". Truth. And also truth, I've been failing mega-ly at crepe making, but now, thanks to your add, I'm a winner.

I am mad at you. I can't deny it. WHY oh WHY must you wait so long in between blog posts?!?!?!? I a suffering from humor wihtdrawl here so please please please post something hilarious soon! please? (btw im not really mad)

I know you don't want to solicit PayPal donations from your readers, but I've given it some thought and I think you can make it work without losing face (even though it is most certainly all in your head because your devoted readers really do want you to be able to afford living and maybe eating sometimes). My idea is that you could put it on a secret page hidden in your blog, kind of like a mini scavenger hunt to find the PayPal button. Those of us who find it can feel super special, and you may even offer one of your awesome drawings as a reward if you like so we can brandish our glory on our own blogs. At the same time, you won't have to feel bad because it's not like you have it all out in the open, staring people down and making them feel guilty for withholding money from a starving artist (blogging is an art, yes?). So, your readers can choose to (or not to) pursue it as they wish, and every time you receive a little love in your glove box (Omg, did I just quote a Ke$ha lyric?) you can rest assured that it is out of utter devotion to you, and more importantly Spaghatta Nadle.

You expel the gooey creative juices that nestle inside of your head to bring entertainment to the masses. You are 100% justified in monetizing that ability through selling ad space on this blog. You would be justified having 10x the ads you do now.

I just found your blog a couple of days ago. I was excited to find someone else for whom crackers factor heavily into a lot of life experiences. They are a big part of my doings and my undoings. I have problems.

Dear Allie...When is Spaghatta Nadle getting a mug? I just ordered 2 but sadly Spaghatta Nadle is still mugless and I couldn't order one...thank you for your consideration :) Also, is Spaghatta Nadle a he or she?

I agree with Kamahl. I run Adblock, so I never really notice ads (or the lack thereof), but I need to remember to disable it on the good sites that deserve my ad revenue. It's disabled on this one now, so that's a start. Hope you get some food out of it. Food is good. I would also possibly be among those throwing Paypal money at you, if for no other reason than the Alot post made me LOL and scare my dogs.

So I'm a reader of Go Fug Yourself and when they posted a link to your sandwich post I thought 'My god! Who is this person?' So then I read, laughed, read, laughed and so on for three whole days (bearing in mind that I had to go to university sometimes, otherwise I totally could have read faster) until I got to the end, exhausted and with aching stomach. So I solved your little rebus and then was redirected to yet another blog with god knows how many posts. I thought I was done! I really felt like I had accomplished something but you took that away from me. Alas!

Hello. I found your blog yesterday. Normally I'd just go about my busy exam-season day, silently celebrating the new thing I'd found to make study breaks exciting (and longer than they should be). I'm passive and reserved like that.

But you seem to really appreciate comments and followers and knowing that people love your posts, and in my modest 4 hours here I've not found a single one that isn't brilliant! I'm already dreading the day I catch up with what you've posted and have to wait for you to update. Thanks :)

Dear Allie,I found your blog a couple of months ago when I was really lonely and low. I'm in my first year of university, and even though I've made some good friends, I am quite shy and self-conscious, and often feel like I am not a 'proper person' because I can't get a job and people think I'm strange.

But reading your blog has made me see that you don't have to do all the stuff that most people do in order to be a proper person. You just have to find something to put some of your soul into, and run with it. I really admire you for having the strength to put your stories and thoughts (weird and wonderful as they are!) on the Internet, to put yourself out there for people to judge.

I know you're not a famous person in the sense of trashy magazines and scandals. Although I would love to see the kind of scandal you'd be involved in...I'm thinking something like:

'Blog Celebrity Found In Compromising Position With Ham and Raisin Sandwich...'

But anyway, I know you aren't a 'celebrity' as such, but you should know that everyone I've ever shown your blog has absolutely loved it, and on my Facebook feed there are six links to your posts. And that's just today. I thought you should know because I think sometimes you don't believe anyone likes your blog, and sometimes you don't realise how wonderful and clever and funny you are.

Thank you for sharing your wonderful blog! Incidentally, the recent post about 'alots' made me HOWL, as I am driven absolutely insane by that particular grammatical error. Now I know what they're really talking about! I shall have to apologise to all the people I whacked with the dillon stick.

OK. Very funny. I don't like ads, but I'll put up with them until you figure out how to collect micropayments. I would rather give you a nickel for writing some thing funny than have an advertiser give you a nickel because they think they can get 50 cents from me for something I was perfectly happy without until I saw the ad.

Glad you're alive. I have decided that your blog is like the little baby finch on my front porch last week. I want to pick it up and put it back in the nest, but I know that if I do that its mother will not feed it, and then I'll end up with a little baby finch carcass on my front porch. And I'll hate the mama finch, who never really did anything to me other than build a nest without my permission.

That sounded darker than intended. The blog was the baby finch, just to clarify, and I'm not sure who the mama finch is in my poorly-thought-out analogy.

In summary: Glad you're alive, try not to almost die so often, and get some freakin' health insurance (jobs help). I will only continue to read your blog if you take care of these basic needs. (Gotcha! I'll read it anyway. But srsly, get some insurance.)

This is my first and last post. I must conform to the finch analogy rigidly. I'm sure you understand.

I clicked an ad already cause I know how they work to give you a few cents and after reading about the Alot I've decided this blog is fully-deserving of me slightly twitching my pointer finger an extra once every time I visit in the future.

This made my day so much better. Right after reading it I walked out of my dorm room and discovered that someone had written "Dave Hearts Dick ALOT" on the whiteboard across the hall. I wondered how the Alot would respond to such a statement.