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Pretty Little Liars Recap: Aria Wants to Destroy Ezra

#TeamPLL, I don't know about you, but I didn't realize that we're only three weeks away from the finale! How is that possible? Literally, -17 things have happened on Pretty Little Liars this season, so I'm confused. Like "why the hell does every Starbucks barista's attempt to spell my name look like Microsoft Wingdings" confused. I'm starting to lose my patience with the show, and no matter how many times previews for the next episode promise jaw-dropping surprises, they don't seem to deliver. Take, for instance, last night's "She's Come Undone." It was superbly acted, especially by Lucy Hale, but I'm not sure how much the story moved along. Maybe I'm being harsh? You tell me—but before you do, let's talk about e'erything that happened:

The Liars try to help out Aria, who has fallen apart because of Ezra's lying.

We open with the Liars asking Aria about Ezra's crime novel. She tells them that based on all of his research, Ez thinks one of the Liars tried to murder Ali. I react the way I do when I write a funny status update on Facebook, but then a friend comments on it and gets more likes me:

You know why I'm choked up? Because what the PLL writers just told me is that instead of spending the final four years that I had left to shop in Forever 21 without getting side-eye from girls who just started their periods, I wasted those days trying to solve this mystery when this whole damn time it was probably one of these four goofy-ass girls who's behind it all. THIS WAS NOT SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN TO ME! At least not during Black History Month. Damn! Why couldn't this show wait until Flag Day to tell me I've ruined my life.

Anyway, all the Liars are like, "That's cray," but Spencer looks the most shifty, so I'm going to say that she probably blacked out, as she's prone to do, and tried to kill Ali. The Liars don't point fingers at one another and instead point it at Ez. Aria insists that Ez isn't "A," that he never really loved her, and only cares about getting the ending for his book. Then she cries. Aww:

The next morning, we see Aria in bed, reminiscing about her relationship with Fitz. Grossed out by his lies, Aria then throws up. Meanwhile, Spence's parents confront her about the pills. They're sending her to rehab in Philly! She looks at them the way I do when I realize that what I'm eating doesn't agree with my stomach, but it tastes so good, so I try to have another bite:

Spence manages to talk them out of rehab in under two minutes by promising to take her withdrawal medication and to not hang out after school anymore. Whew! Disaster avoided:

We need Spence around!

Hanna meets up with Travis a.k.a. Not Caleb at school. She apologizes for kissing him, and he's like, "I don't have time for this mess because I have to go to court for my dad because of the Wilden stuff."

UGH! No one cares about anything having to do with Wilden anymore. Gosh!

Em tells Spencer that she got a phone call from Shana stating that Ali's money is to be dropped off at 6 P.M. at a P.O. As they're arguing over whether Em should do this, they see Aria storm down the walkway. Turns out Ez took time off from Rosewood due to a "family emergency":

OK, Ez, I see how you do.

Next, we see Spence at Toby's place. She tells him that her pill problem is under control. Ummmm, it's been like 48.2 minutes. I'm pretty sure that getting over a relapse takes longer than the time it takes the Time Warner dude to install cable in my apartment:

Paige asks Em if they can hang out and then she notices the envelope of cash in Em's purse. Em lies about why she has the money, which Paige is smart enough to realize. This makes her come down with a case of the sads, which subsequently makes me want to do this to her:

Aria shows up to Ez's place—he's not there, so she rummages through his apartment and finds tons of files, diaries, and surveillance photos documenting the past four years, and she trashes his apartment:

For real, this ish is mad awkward and intense.

Meanwhile, Hanna visits with Hot Cop; he says that Not Caleb's dad is in trouble for taking bribes from Wilden. She tries to plead her case that Wilden was a bully, but Hot Cop has to go to court. I would care about this scene maybe 1,000 percent more if he was shirtless, but he's not, so I'm acting the way I do when a friend tells me she's celebrating her half-birthday this year:

Spence opens her locker and finds a bottle of pills that was left as a present from "A." When Em offers to get rid of them, Spence says she'll do it...

...but before Em can question this, Hanna tells them she can't find Aria. Spence thinks she knows where Aria must be. They show up at Ez's and take Aria out of there. Spence hangs back for a few moments and grabs a few sheets of paper from the floor.

Hanna heads to the courthouse to check on Not Caleb. His dad is going to be OK:

I mean, why are we supposed to care about this again?

Spence looks through the items she took from Ez's and sees a card for a P.I., Marc Pope, who may have followed her. She calls, no one answers, and then lies down because the withdrawal is too much. Next, she takes a bunch of pills from the bottle "A" left for her:

Seriously?! Does she not realize there is a good chance that "A" put something else in that bottle?

Just as Em is about to put the money in the P.O. box, Paige shows up and wants to know what "A" is making Em do. Paige threatens to take the money to the police, and then Em tells Paige that Ali is alive:

I'm so glad that Em finally told the truth. Paige says she won't tell anyone about Ali as long as Em never talks to Ali again.

While Hanna is out picking up food for Aria, she bumps into Hot Cop and thanks him for helping out with Not Caleb by kissing him...

...and then he pulls away. Hanna feels hella awkward and walks out the restaurant.

Spence reads one of Ez's pages: Spence and Ali fought the night she went missing. Spence threatened to hit her with a shovel. CeCe saw this fight and so did...Mrs. DiLaurentis!!! Mrs. Di paid CeCe not to say anything:

What the heck else does Mrs. Di know?!

Spence confronts her dad because she realizes that Marc Pope is the same P.I. who was hired to follow Melissa (remember her)...or to follow Spence because Papa Hastings thought that she had something to do with Ali's murder?

Just then, Toby shows up and he leaves with Spence.

We're back with Paige and Em. Em promises to be done with Ali after dropping off this final package. Um, we all know that this is not the end of Em communicating with Ali, right? Paige is too damn gullible:

Aria is at home, taking a break from burning Ez's diary pages. She flips through the book and see that he has a letter from Random House publishing. They loved the latest draft of his book. She calls to see what the publishing date of the book is, and the receptionist tells her that Ez is talking to the editor about it at that very moment:

Because Aria is about to f**k somebody up. Trust.

Toby goes back to Papa Hastings. Spence ditched him and is now at Mrs. Di's house. Spence demands the truth, but she kicks her out of the house. Meanwhile, Hanna sees Aria heading toward Principal Hackett's house. Ruh roh.

Aria says that she's telling him everything about their relationship, and Hanna goes, "But then Ez will go to jail." Aria doesn't give two Krispy Kreme doughnuts about the risks—until Hanna says that this will affect her family, so then they leave:

Spence returns home, and her parents and Toby tell her she needs help. Across town, Em catches Aria packing a bag. Aria says she's leaving Rosewood. Eep! Before I can even take all this in, we see Paige put a note in a cop car. The note says that Ali is still alive and that the cops should start looking for her at the address where Em sent the money:

This seems like a horrible idea, y'all! Right?!

Alrighty, what did you think of this episode? Do you think Spencer wanted to kill Ali?