Geologically speaking, Long Island is quite young. This 22,000 year oldmound of sediment was created when the last southern most ice sheet retreated leaving behind all the rocks, sand and clay it pushed ahead of it. The sea level began to rise around this mound of glacial till resulting in the elongate island you see today.

There are many fun things to do in Long Island for both adults and children, from clubs and bars to museums and other attractions. I will break this area down into various categories of things which can be done in long island.

Long Island also features some of the best golfing in the country, featuring the Bethpage Black course which will be hosting the 2009 US Open. There are many other rich and intricate courses lined with spectacular housing to keep you talking with your foursome about the area for the duration of your game.

Long Island is a district within one of the uppermost circles of Hell, divided into four inner sectors of its own: Nassau, Suffolk, Queens, and Brooklyn, with the first two being the deepest and most accursed. The primary mode of punishment for sinners sent to dwell here eternally is the illusion of an unbelievably average suburban environment. The sheer lack of anything extraordinary depresses and slowly dissolves the soul until it becomes a mindless servant of Great Satan, willing to spend the rest of eternity shuttling from a desk job to a solitary home life. Victims slowly will themselves to die and thus gain access into the next district where they repeat exactly the same same process until they become mired in the deepest sector(Nassau)and have effectively been worn into cosmic debris.

The slow decline begins in Brooklyn, the most urban environment of the four, where the sinner is assaulted by hipsters, ironic counter-culture demons that slowly ferment resentment of new ideas and trends inside the heart of the sinner. Once the mind’s door is successfully shut, the sinner is then moved to Queens, a slightly less urban setting, and assaults them with a variety of cultural stereotypes- the fried-chicken loving, slang-slinging black man, the uber-organized Asian with an obnoxiously high IQ that puts you to shame, and the incredibly ubiquitous, more-boring-than-learning-a-dead-language white guy. Although these clichéd creatures are in fact, demonic impostors, they successfully manage to foster a belief in the sinner’s mind that other cultures are worthless and/or dangerous to society. In Suffolk, the sinner is presented with evidence of this perceived decay- rotten bodegas, poor African-Americans, soccer moms, and an abundance of shitty Chinese food places. The final shift to Nassau presents him or her with elements of all the previous districts, making it impossible for them to keep faith in humanity. In the final step of the systematic desecration, the sinner’s soul is farted out of Great Satan’s anus in a puff of gnats, thus completing the process.