Microsoft: “Who The Fuck Bought an Xbone at Launch?”

With Walmart’s price drop on the Xbox One/Titanfall bundle to $450, Microsoft’s next-gen platform and its biggest title can now effectively be had for $10 less than a PS4 with a game. Some early adopters who bought the 4-month old console in anticipation of Titanfall aren’t happy that their brand loyalty cost them $110. We reached out to Microsoft for clarification.

“Who the fuck bought an Xbone at launch?” one anonymous, high-ranking executive responded. “Seriously, who even does that? The thing has half the power of a PS4, costs more, and there’s an always-on camera hardwired to the NSA. I work at Microsoft and I wouldn’t put one of the fucking things in my home. You know *******? In the Windows division? He had an Xbox One. Goddamned Kinect accidentally broadcast him doing lines off an escort’s sweater puffs. His sister-in-law’s kid saw it happen on a Twitch stream, now the bitch is taking his house. That place cost three million dollars, so don’t whine to me about $110.”