Because ugly duckling is now a swan

When not to keep secrets, more or less

Over the weekend, I found out that a friend deemed me unworthy of keeping her secret. Yes, I had to find out from another source and more than the denial aka lie itself, what made me angry was the underlying trust issues that she had with me.

Oh. I chose anger over hurt. Being hurt would mean vulnerability and would also induce pity from others which are all, by the way, unwelcome to my trying-to-be-numb-and-cynic heart. So there, I’m angry. And more prone to writing bullshit as I promised on my home page. See friend, you are about to taste infamy.

But. Being the volatile sort, I may spew like this but probably forgive you in a day or two. That is how the cynic falls into being plainly pathetic.

Keep in mind though that you should never mess with a song writer, a blogger, a writer and a novelist. One way or another they will take their revenge through their prose and use your name to mean something repulsive.

Instead of bashing, despairing and cursing your shit-ass lack of trust, I would write of Kinsella style guidelines of when to reveal all your secrets. From the deepest, darkest ones to the silly, shallow, why-the-fuck-are-you-keeping-it-anyway kind of secrets.

So blurt it all out when..

The captain of the plane announces that the tin-can vessel you are in is crashing.

Grab the hand of your seatmate and blurt out all your secrets but secretly hope that he isn’t your boss that you haven’t met yet, or the kid you used to bully in grade school, or your rival back in high school.

The doctor declares your condition is terminal.

The perfect time to really pursue your bucketlist and forego inhibitions. Like that girl in The Big C. Or you know, if you had one day left to live kind of thing.

You are being tortured and held for ransom by the CIA.

They are most likely after your big-ass-government secret but you can start with the more personal ones to buy time until Tom Cruise gets you the hell out of there.

You are playing I’ve Never or Twenty Question or any drinking game with your friends.

Inhibitions well lifted by alcohol, you couldn’t have chosen a perfect excuse.

On your deathbed.

Burden someone with some long ago secret that caused you misery and regret all throughout your adult life. Like that of Pillars of The Earth.

Unless otherwise you’re in a situation like the ones mentioned above, do not trust me with all your secrets. I am not your confessor. I do not need all of it. Just the important ones, if you care enough.