Fire up the synth music. Blow dry your hair and throw on a leather jacket. It’s time to take a shadowy flight into the dangerous world of a man who does not exist, and then be... deeply disappointed.

If you grew up even remotely into cars in the ‘80s and ‘90s, you have surely fantasized about owning or driving the Knight Industries Two Thousand from Knight Rider. And you aren’t alone. Tons of people, like the subject of the latest Regular Car Review, have painstakingly transformed their old Pontiac Trans-Ams into replicas of the high-tech crimefighting machine.

But when you do, it turns out it makes the car terrible to drive. That aircraft yoke-like steering unit is all but useless in turns, and it has a tendency to smack its driver right in the genitals. Getting in and out is brutal, thanks to all the additional buttons and switches. There’s no rearview mirror, either, and the computer console on the roof gives it worse outward visibility than a current Camaro. It’s also not fast and, of course, it doesn’t really talk.

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But you know what? As Mr. Regular says, it’s Knight Rider. No one cares. Flip that scanner light on again.