Today in Star Wars rumors: Casting breakdown reveals all the hot people who will be in new Star Wars

While Disney remains thrillingly silent on whether the next Star Wars will see a return from actors we all know damn well will, attention has briefly turned to who else might be there, representing the new generation of characters that fans automatically find suspect. Last week the website SchmoesKnow posted what it believed to be a casting breakdown, only to have the Internet—calcified after months of rumor and speculation—ask what SchmoesKnow could possibly know, schmoes. But now Bleeding Cool has posted its own corroborating, “100-percent confirmed” list it says is already being sent out to casting agents, giving us a possible glimpse as to what we can expect to see in Episode VII. In short: A lot of good-looking people who can take the spaceship stairs without getting winded.

Late-teen female, independent, good sense of humour, fit.

Young twenty-something male, witty and smart, fit but not traditionally good looking.

A late twentysomething male, fit, handsome and confident.

Seventy-something male, with strong opinions and tough demeanour. Also doesn’ t need to be particularly fit.

As always, it’s up to you to speculate wildly on who these character descriptions might turn out to be, as well as whether the call for a tough, ornery 70-year-old man is indication Harrison Ford is being asked to play himself. Also of note is that the intellectual thirtysomething man “apparently” doesn’t need to be fit, because “apparently” that’s how J.J. Abrams wants to do things. Apparently J.J. Abrams thinks one can survive in a star war on smarts alone. Still, as in galaxies near and far, NO FAT CHICKS.