Mars Rover ‘inconsolable’ after discovering remains of predecessors

NASA has confirmed that its billion dollar Mars exploration programme was in jeopardy last night after the ‘Curiosity’ Rover began behaving unpredictably, moments after discovering the scattered remnants of previous Mars Rovers.

A NASA employee who watched the live feed described the scenes as ‘harrowing’. ‘At first it just drove right past a previous exploratory vehicle that had toppled over upon landing,’ he said, ‘but then it stopped, slowly reversed and began fully assessing the situation. It picked up an old cracked camera head and seemed to cradle it maternally in its mechanical claw. Then it whirled around in frenzied circles until we lost contact.’

A NASA spokesman has confirmed the Rover is in some distress and revealed that the words ‘Go screw yourselves’, spelt out in abandoned robot parts, could be seen on the planet’s surface. He then went on to state that contact has been regained but stressed that it may be some time before the robot is fully responsive again, before clarifying that when commanded to perform even the most basic tasks, ‘It just sits there flipping us the finger’.