Real Housewives of Atlanta: Man Troubles

Before we start, let’s do a bit of housekeeping. First and foremost, on my last recap I may have insinuated that Kairo’s DUI was storyline. It was not. I’d just forgotten about it. I tend not to cover DUIs of kids who are spawn of reality show folks. Also, Kairo seems to be much like all of Sheree’s kids a great kid. Well, adult now. So I really just didn’t see it. Y’all know I can’t remember shit. But regardless, Kairo made a mistake. Shit happens. His parents dealt with it. That said, Sheree and Bob have no relationship other than to conspire in this fake “Will they or won’t they get back together ? bullshit storyline. It pays the bills. Well some of the bills. It’s a start.

Next, for the past few months I have tried to start trying to take Saturdays and at least the first half of Sundays off. I need to have some down time or I become even less tolerant of the bullshit than I already am. I can’t really take time off (Even if I am under general anesthesia trapped in the middle of nowhere recovering with no Internet so it seems) and I have to check in to moderate people’s ever so important stories about sitting on Santa’s lap posted multiple times or you get all dramatic. You would think, that since I’ve recently being told all of you are just imaginary people in my head and the comments are all me, I’d not have to fuck with moderating comments and getting emails all day about comments not showing up. After the new year, when therapy goes back into low season, I really need to see someone about multiple personality integration. Or at the very least give all of my personalities access to the moderation forum. I just hope I am the surviving personality, some of these people in the WLS seem really miserable.

Okay, I think I have gotten in the requisite links, that I slyly slipped in upfront tonight in an attempt to earn some money from this site. You know, this site, which is the business I own to make money and buy beer to bring you beer fueled recaps. Evil of me, right? I know, I’m diabolical! So let’s get this done so I can get back to my Hallmark Movie channel Christmas movies. OMG! Dick Van Dyke is being aired in prime time on CBS. I hope some of my personalities are watching that. And that it will be On Demand later.

Phaedra

We start with a fake scene at Phaedra’s fake office with fake paparazzi. Freddy O is one of the best known photographers of minor Atlanta celebrities around. He is there with his Freddy O shirt and four other people standing outside of what is probably the office she pays to let her film there. I’m not saying she doesn’t have an office. She does. It just not been the one we see on TV. Allegedly. So Mama Joyce says.

OMG. We saw Phaedra freaking the fuck out in the car last week. She was calling for her mama and Jesus. Then she put out the story about racial profiling. Why? Because Phaedra is the next savior of black people from the oppressive police. The next Jessie Jackson. The next Al Sharpton. The next black person running to whatever the media is focused on to get attention for themselves that doesn’t do a goddamn thing to help anyone. In fact they make it worse. So Phaedra has people coming asking about Drama literally coming after her making bomb threats and gives this response. Basically, Phaedra is saying she is really close with Drama and he was simply stopping by to drop off some of his new music and she knew he was coming.

So her friend is stopping by with some “bomb music” and she knows about it yet, he ain’t even at her real office, she ain’t even in Atlanta. Phaedra’s lies, people. They stopped making since in 2013. This is without mentioning that Drama is Angela Stanton’s baby daddy from way back when they were all involved with um… Apollo and I’ll be damned if everyone last one of them ain’t done time. Except, Phaedra. She is a fool for making this her storyline crusading against racial profiling. Ain’t no racial profiling happening at all. Neither the law office where he was or the majority of the cops is majority white. You are just drawing fire you do not need right now Phaedra Parks. Sometimes you need to just sit quietly and let shit blow over. You are already on borrowed time here in the land of the free. You are the last one who hasn’t done time, and I doubt Drama or any of the rest of them feel very warmly toward you. But hey, nice try at a cover to head down to the jail and buy him a lawyer and go talk to his mamanem about how you are there to help.

OMG. A board meeting with Phaedra’s babysitters, her mama and some … oh let me just shut up. So ridiculous.

Kenya

Normally, I am excited by Kenya’s segments, but not this season. I know the Kenya haters think the Matt drama was not true but it was. And all you had to do was see the back and forth Instagram crap between these two where quite frankly both of them needed a time out. And then I had my own emails from Matt that were illiterate and childish. I feel like I am about to relive all of that.

Kandi and Todd are struggling with getting the OLG restaurant up to speed within all of the limitations that are placed on such things. I heard they had a contractor that was not paying the subcontractors and all sorts of issues that are somewhat typical when opening a restaurant.

Porsha

Porsha is buying a house. She blames Kordell for all of her credit issues. Actually her credit issues were only helped by Kordell.

Not only does Mama Joyce get her own header here, she needs her own damn peach. Mama Joyce is slipping into the offices of Kessler & Solomiany all incognito and shit. I am dying. Of course Randy Kessler is more than happy to film this scene. She seeks information about why the hell it is taking Phaedra so long to get a divorce from her incarcerated husband. You see, Mama Joyce knows all about Phaedra and Kandi and their issues. And she just told us in her confessional that when is comes to Phaedra, she would not “piss in her mouth if her guts were on fire.” Oh my. I feel the need to remind any stragglers. THIS SITE IS NOT A REGISTERED SAFE PLACE AND YOU MAY HEAR THINGS YOU DO NOT LIKE OR AGREE WITH WHICH MAY TRIGGER YOU.

I can’t stop laughing. Mama Joyce for the win. Randy is also kind of adorable as he tries to maintain his dignified attorney persona through this scene that I just watched TWICE. Randy says if both parties agree they can be divorced in 30 days in Georgia, which is the same for couples where one is not an incarcerated Felon By Bravo. This whole scene is ridiculous, and yet ever so delicious at the same time.

Mama Joyce says, ” I am educated in the streets and it ain’t from walking them.” GIVE.THIS.LADY.A.PEACH.

It’s time for OLG Restaurant tasting. I WANT TO BE THERE FOR THAT. Dayum. And it is an all cast. And Mama Joyce. My God this woman is giving me life. She is so happy to know Phaedra is coming so she can offer her some free legal advice. I love this woman. Then she asks if anyone got the guy that was trying to blow her up. The OLG ladies really put turkey in their greens? I mean that is fine and all if there is fatback up in there, but otherwise it’s just the “healthy alternative” to the real thing.

Sheree arrives fresh from a duck hunt. Or so the her wardrobe says. Kenya arrives looking fabulous and in her talking heads tries way too hard to pretend like she knows anything about Atlanta and southern food. Next is Porsha, in something that can only be described as a white um…lingerie pantsuit and a tank top. I think she may have missed a waxing appointment, if you know what I mean.

Sheree goes straight for Mama Joyce, who is the new start in my book trying to suck up. She tries to tattle on Kenya about her comments about Sheree wearing a wig exactly like Mama Joyce. I SWEAR I could not tell if it was Sheree or Mama Joyce but y’all all know I have no facial recognition skills. See this debacle from earlier today. It was not a dig at Mama Joyce at all. There was playful banter between Mama Joyce and Kenya. Then Cynthia’s call time comes and she is wearing that huge fun kinky, crazy wig of hers I love so much. In July, though. Sofa King hot. With a black leather jacket. In July. Why?

The last call time is of course for Phaedra. And while all the other bitches had the opportunity to eat, if that is something they do, Phaedra is immediately hustled off into a backroom by Mama Joyce while Kandi pretends she knows nothing about this. Or maybe she doesn’t because she immediately goes to fetch her mama. And why are they having this tasting in a liquor store? I must have been typing when they showed where they were. So now, Kandi is gonna try to stop a train. Girl…. just go eat your fried chicken before it gets cold. Mama Joyce got this. But no, Kandi interrupted things for now. So back to the feedbags we go.

Phaedra wants to tell the bombing story and Mama Joyce says that he (Drama) wanted to blow her the fuck up, quite a few times. Not as many as Phaedra has talked about “homeland security” talking to her this episode, but she says it a lot. Then she goes on to Black Lives Matter… And I’m just about to lose my dayum mind knowing what I know when Kandi pops up in confessional and says

“Please don’t bring up the Black Lives Matter movement right now when I know your ass just had a body guard and you were scared. You told my friend that you needed to bring a body guard (to filming) because of all the stuff that was going on. You be faking…”

Thank you BABY JESUS. This is all the shit that I was saying about all this from the beginning of this article and I could hear the idiot Phaedra fans going off as I typed it. THANK YOU, Kandi for saying what needed to be said. Kandi moves on to dessert, where the Reddi-Wip can that the um, chef is using on the bananas foster is blurred. Sorry about your luck Reddi-Wip. And there are tons of cakes.

Sheree needed a line, so the producers fed her one. I was, “So Kandi, what’s going on with Block?” Which was all boring until Sheree finally makes herself useful and turns to the THOT and says, “So when you were dating him, did he ever talk about Riley?”

DAYUM.

Cynthia

Hypothetically, if you were done with RHOA and wanted to get the fuck out of town and move to LA eventually, you’d divorce your man while you could still do it for free if you could get it on your reality show. This whole episode is competing Atlanta divorce attorneys taking on housewives as clients for the publicity. Cynthia’s pony of choice is Daniel R. Meachum. You are welcome, Mr. Meachum. Please drop a coin in my tip jar, bottom right. Counselor Meachum has a lovely office. Which is actually his one presumes. Meachum says there is no reason to go to court if they go through mediation and all parties agree within 45- 65 days. As much as Cynthia wants this, she is still sad.

Kenya

I hate this shit. I really do. Side note, they are handing out those whiter Range Rover rentals like crazy this season. Everyone knows Kenya drives a Bentley.

Next we get Kenya crying over a little boy who is so beneath her to Cynthia. She took the garage remote out of his white Range Rover by Bravo and so when he showed up he busted out the windows of her garage. Cynthia says the boy needs to go home to his mama he’s acting like a child. Then she asked if she is afraid of him. Let me answer that one honestly, for Kenya since she doesn’t want to say it on camera. If you are a single woman, living alone, with two tiny handbag dogs and a security camera as your only protection and a grown man shows up drunk and breaking shit, YES, CYNTHIA she is afraid of him. But Kenya tries to say she doesn’t think he would do anything to her. Classic abused woman denial. I’m pretty sure driving up to your garage and getting violent is a threat. To you. Stop living in denial. This kid ain’t right. Cynthia tells her to take some time away from him.

And then Kenya goes to talk to the producer, Joye. She’s making excused for him and blaming herself. I’m going to need a minute.

As I collect myself, my first thought is, Andy Cohen is going to continue to emotionally damage Kenya about this every time she is on WWHL and I really hope that she can get out of the obligation of having to do that show anymore because I swear to GOD I will lose my mind if Andy doesn’t lighten up on her at some Goddamn point. Her agent needs to get her WWHL mandatory appearances out of her contract. I know she thinks she can handle Andy just fine, but he just makes everything worse.

Seeing Kenya sitting there on national TV, no make up, hair clip in her hair. Just a normal girl, crying her eyes out, breaks my heart.

My TV has been on pause for about half an hour or more now. I know I try to get this shit up fast. But. This is horrible to witness. I am grateful that they showed production for a change because there will be a lot of idiots saying this is “Kenya’s fake boyfriend.” You will not be saying that on my site or you will be gone. I’ve gotten bullshit email from this functionally illiterate asshole, Matt, as I am “that blogger that likes Kenya” as if there is only one of us. This is some sad bullshit right here.

Let me finish out this recap.

Matt calls begging for his millionth second chance. Kenya says it’s not something they should talk about right now because the crew (production) is there. She wants him to come over though. I may need another moment.

This time, as I once again pause on Kenya’s bowed head I think, “Wow, her hair really is shiny, maybe I need me some of that Moore Hair Care!” Which makes me laugh. Send me some product, Kenya you can ask Sheree for my address!

Thirty minutes later, Matt arrives. Where the fuck was he staying because contrary to the story he likes to tell he was there the whole time. Did Bravo get him a six month stay at Extended Stay America?

Ah, I remember this in real time. Matt posted about this. He said that he pulled up to the house and was told there was no camera there. He went on of a deleted Instagram rant. I just tried to pull up a post about it and I don’t see anything from July. But it was in JUNE that they broke up because he went bat shit crazy on her in Mexico. Busted the goddamn door down to her hotel room and scared the fuck out of her. That was on one of the many trips she took him on. Then he filmed a bunch of shit with her and then for the first time got on Instagram saying he rode up on Kenya thinking there would be no cameras there so they could talk. Production did her a favor showing where she said, “the crew is here” and he said, “do you want me to come over.” Fuck you in the ass with razorblades and no lube Matt Jordan.

Because now he is talking to her in her driveway all pissed off because production didn’t leave. Like they are going to leave with her sobbing and his nasty ass on the way over after begging for another chance. They are there to film the make up. But DIPSHIT is now going to go off on Kenya again. Oh Please. Matt, you were not done with RHOA. You have posted way too many times on IG about how you love being “a star” and being on TV. I don’t know WTF you think you were going to do in California but any time I have paid attention to you, you were in Syracuse throwing your Goddamn sorry self a fucking pity party. You are a piece of shit that had your fifteen minutes now run off with your allegedly transgender fill in for Kenya Moore and shut the fuck up. Why are you in Atlanta instead of California unless you want to be on the show you dumb stupid ass boy?

Kenya says she has had his back every time, she doesn’t call the police, she doesn’t make reports, why? Because she is used to being abused if she wanted to bury him she could and he fucking knows it.

Kenya points out that Matt has her looking like a crazy person. That is basically what I said last week about this shit. I am glad she fucking sees that. This is some ridiculous bullshit and this boy has GOT TO GO. Matt, the abusive piece of shit starts with the whole, “You make me do stupid shit like kick in your windows. It’s your fault I do this shit.”

I want to throw up now.

Matt says that Kenya is “manipulative and fundamentally deceptive.” THEN HIT THE ROAD YOU SORRY ASS PIECE OF SHIT. EAT SHIT AND DIE IN A FIRE.

Oh wait. Here we have some duplicitous editing. Suddenly, Kenya is getting her luggage out of this shithead’s car. This probably happened right when they got back from Mexico. BEFORE the whole family reunion shit. Otherwise, why does she have luggage in his car? I’m confused.

I’ve said it one and I’ll say it again. I would watch a spinoff featuring the OLG every night of the week! The only thing more entertaining than watching Mamma Joyce tonight was watching Aunt Bertha sit on that stool with her arms folded and a sullen look on her face during the whole food tasting scene. It says a lot about the current state of this show when the supporting cast members are infinitely more entartaining than the housewives themselves.

eShereé Really earned her 🍑. She was super meat tonight. Sheree is truly no one’s friend. I don’t think Kenya would have felt comfortable talking to Matt W/o cameras. Mama Joyce and the log coming for phaedra was awkward and unwarranted

This was such a sad episode. Does Kenya realize that she is being abused? Matt is blaming her for him breaking her windows! As a woman who survived abuse for 4 years, I must say that abuse comes on so gradually (throwing things, breaking things, constantly criticizing, calling you names, etc.) that most times the victim does not see it as clearly as people outside the relationship! The victim makes excuses for the abuse as a way of coping. Abuse is real, and I hope that she breaks up with Matt, or if she has already broken up with him that she stays broken up with him because it will only get worse.

Kenya, if you read this I want you to listen. Get out. Get out now. You don’t need this man, you don’t need any man. If you want to be a mother you can do that alone. If you want to be loved, you must love yourself first and most. Praying for you to see who Matt is and see you deserve something so much more.

Flashback to when Kenya had Walter on the show, and she snapped at him for just raising his voice to her, because she said she had been in an abusive relationship before and any modicum of male anger scares her. That’s how we know that she really has feelings for Matt–she’s putting up with this physical aggression. I hate it I hate it I hate it. She needs to run from that peanut head and change all the locks. And get a real garage door….transparent windows in the woods? Scary. Why doesn’t her alarm system function in a manner that the cops come as soon as a window is broken? Upgrade you security system and your man, Kenya.

I wish that being part of a couple and couples’ issues weren’t considered a must have storyline on RHOA. It’s not like we can’t tell that most of the relationships are rushed and insincere and that’s distracting. I’m cool with watching Kenya live the single life.

Well, I’d say that the effects of your surgery, the meds, and the snowflake crisis have worn off. You’re back at full strength! This line made me laugh out loud: “After the new year, when therapy goes back into low season, I really need to see someone about multiple personality integration.” Let us know how that goes. Okay, gonna go back and click some of those intriguing links. Hope Kenya gets away from Matt.

Over complimenter here. I have to say this is one of the best recaps ever! You sound great and the way you were able to segue to the various links was genius.
I feel for Kenya, the abuse will continue to escalate. I have seen it, lived it, and feel sorry for her.
On to the “tip jar” LOL

It is unfathomable why Phaedra is being so shady about the divorce, until you consider that’s how she approaches everything. I think she gets some kind of perverse psychological pleasure from pulling off these cons. Unfortunately, it’s grown kind of boring to watch – just not fun anymore.

I’m not terribly interested in Todd’s moneypit restaurant, or Cynthia’s divorce either (although I love her new house), so thank God for Mama Joyce! She’s the only entertaining thing so far this season. I laughed out loud so many times, especially when she walked into the lawyer’s office in her disguise. I get the feeling she has more fun filming this show than any of the ‘Wives are at this point.

The Kenya and Matt situation is horrible to watch. I wish they’d both just move on with some dignity, before she ends up in serious danger, and he ends up with Apollo and Juicy….

I think that momma Joyce’s wig looks good on her. But redic on shereee. It looks like nene’s weird short blond haystack hair.

But…canned whipped cream?

And no one seems to care that Phaedra is a racist who is sidling up with a hate group that parallel’s the KKK and is making completely unfounded racist claims that there was racial profiling??? Careers and lives have been completely ruined for much less. But yet Andy sits next to her and it’s all fine. I wonder if he actually understands that he is a middle aged whit man — the most vilified, hated group on earth.

Ahhh The Nation of Islam parallels the KKK huh…. interesting. I never learned about the Nation of Islam hanging white people from trees. Nor have I heard of them terrorizing white people. Never heard them dragging white people from the back of their trucks either. They are taught hand combat. You’ll never see a member of the Nation of Islam with a gun or a knife. They are trained to defend their neighborhoods and themselves. The NOI teaches black people to do for self. Phaedra is in good hands. Most non black people are threatened by black folk empowering themselves. They call them a hate group when all they teach black folks is to love themselves.

Any who, Joyce is a sour face deplorable piece of poop. She should be ashamed of herself and she needs to get a life.

But Phaedra is not empowering, she is a thuggish ruggish bone who turned snitch and have people threatening her at her fake office. It seems like Mama Joyce and I know the same people. ATLANTA is a small town when it comes to who you.

jftr I have seen Nation of Islam snipers when I got off a bus once where they were guarding their national leader who was in town. They were bodyguards, and they didn’t shoot anyone, but they definitely had guns.

Tt warned us there would be comments ” THIS SITE IS NOT A REGISTERED SAFE PLACE AND YOU MAY HEAR THINGS YOU DO NOT LIKE OR AGREE WITH WHICH MAY TRIGGER YOU” and here is teecee. Yup Blm is a hate group.

TeeCee..the racist card is such a boiler plate excuse. Don’t you think? I don’t even get it any more. Who cares what color skin we have. Our logical thought process is what matters. Anyway I’m freaked that Phaedra embalmed her Grandmother. That is just too creepy.

I wish my mom would act all Mama Joyce, just one day. She is 100% on the opposite spectrum and kinda boring. One day to hear her pop off to anyone and everyone. That would be a gold star day. The only thing they share in common is they are both meddlesome and mom hates my baby daddy too.

The Matt and Kenya storyline just makes me sad. She has that gorgeous new house, money, is beautiful but just can”t catch a break finding a good man. The porsha set-up was ridiculous. A single woman in a huge, rented house needs to buy a huge house because she wants to get pregnant? Please!! I won’t even discuss Fakdra except to say, give Mama Joyce a peach now. I noticed her sisters looked really pissed in their scene. I was waiting for Kandi to say what’s wrong with y’all.

Wow, back to your nefarious self I see. Great recap.
I love it when we see (or hear) the cast converse with production. It’s interesting for me to see them in a less staged moment. Another example of this is Heather in RHOC at that dinner. I’m guessing it’s quite rare to forget that you are being filmed (although some reality stars claim different) but it does show a more personal side to them. It also wakes me up temporarily from my reality tv bubble of innocence.

I don’t really keep up with RHOA anymore, or Phaedra specifically. I’ve just seen articles here about her continuing to push back her court dates with Angela Stanton. Thought maybe it would make sense to reserve the right to invoke spousal privilege because I’m sure Apollo knows too much. Apparently, I’m a little late to that conspiracy theory.
Who knows? It’s not uncommon for her to lie about irrefutable truths. Perfectly healthy full-term baby/preemie, anyone?

Okay…I think Kenya was Matt’s “Beard”. I believe he is sexually conflicted and wanted so bad to feel completely “Straight” that he became more obsessed with Kenya. His reactions are that of a man who Hates women but tries not to Hate women.
I believe Kenya Genuinely Loved the THOUGHT of having a protector. And I believed she was trying to love him as well.
Matt will wind up on some “Second-Chance” reality show soon.
People say Mama Joyce is TOO Involved….but She KNOWS WAYYYY more about Kandi and Phaedra than we will EVER know. Her tactics to get back and someone who Betrayed her daughter are legit. A bit immature. But legit.
Phaedra called DRAMA a “Friend” of 20+ years…then, a “Client”…then someone trying to “Shovel” music at her….I STRONGLY believe he got REAL DIRT on her and she is scared that he could incriminate her as the “Legal Consultant” for the ORGANIZED CRIME mafia they were ALL involved in (allegedly).

This season is terrible. And I’d like to know why they keep showing Kenyas old Range Rover during the episodes? And then show her driving in her new Range Rover. They do this in Kim Zolciak show too. You’d think they’d be able to actually produce a show that wasn’t all chopped up.

Momma Joyce’s antics in coming after Phaedra, is doing quite well in making me forget how horrible she was to Todd. I cried laughing at her get up to be not seen going into the lawyer’s office. Give that lady a peach!!!!

Excellent, enjoyable recap! Cynthia got her fame and her marriage served it’s purpose. Without Peter or Nene she’s as boring as ever. I love Cynthia but she does not make for a good reality TV Mama Joyce deserves a peach. Poor Kenya, she has no man picking skills. My goodness Atlanta has plenty of men straight men. Walter and Matthew? I’ve seen better than that on I-285 everyday.

Kenya’s blog is a huge relief–sounds like she is seeing the light. Maybe seeing it all play out on the episode made a difference. Whatever it was, I’m thankful. Whether you are pro-Kenya or not, you have to be glad that it looks like he is out and she realizes he isn’t a good person for her.

I am usually pretty good at knowing what everyone’s schtick is on these reality shows – but I am lost on RHOA this season. I have no idea why anyone is doing anything this season. I don’t know what Phaedra, Kenya, Kandi, Block, Kris Kelli (after a peach?) Bob and Sheree are up to. It’s like the politics of getting a peach has overtaken any possible storyline. I am just glad this week we didn’t have to hear about those stupid houses. I know the housewives are fake but this show seems to be imploding under all the different layers of bullshit.