Sunday, 12 January 2014

Oh, Godddd... She's At It Again

Thank Goodness I'm Pope

Jesus didn’t look like Jesus. I think we’re
all grown-up enough to admit that now. So why does Jesus look the way he
does? Perhaps we can put that down to
the early European artists who wanted European (that is, white) Christians to
have a figure they could identify with. Look at the pictures above. Yes, go on
– treat yourself. Any or all of them would attract comments of ‘he looks like
Jesus’. I dare say they’d attract other comments, too, but I have a separate
Beard Porn board on Pinterest for that (by the way – here it is. Well worth a
look. For, like, half an hour).

I do have experience of this phenomenon, as I
am married to a man who fits the long-brown-hair-blue-eyes-nice-beard profile
and gets very tired of kids mumbling look,
it’s Jesus when he walks down the road. The image is powerful enough to
reach teenagers who can’t see past their own Wii, and so enduring that no-one
has successfully sought to update it for a thousand years. Though it might be
fair to say that that is usually The Way Of Things when it comes to religious
matters.

In short, if you’ll forgive me – when did Jesus get hot?

We were
mulling this over, the girls and I… it stands to reason that an attractive and
charismatic Messiah will fare better than an awkward and bumbling one (Oh, is
that you, Russell Brand? Wait, who do you remind me of? No - no, it’s gone).

And we
concluded this:

"Go to Church! Free Wine – Hot Guys!"*

I thank you. Now, here is an entirely gratuitous photo of me with Trygve Seim. Because Trygve Seim.

*Note to the Offended: Why are you even here? Did you not see my last two blogs? Have a look, there are pictures of minge on them! Oh, just go and look at Tea and Kittens, or something. Really. Pfffft.