Thursday, October 14, 2010

We know that the current state of affairs in our great nation has many civilians up in arms and excited to join the military.

For those of you who can't join, you can still lend a hand. Here are a few of the areas where we would like your assistance:

The next time you see any adults talking or wearing a hat during the playing of the National Anthem, kick their ass.

When you witness someone burning the American flag in protest, kick their ass.

Regardless of the rank they held while they served, pay the highest amount of respect to all veterans. If you see people doing otherwise, quietly pull them aside and explain how these veterans fought for the very freedom they bask in every second. Enlighten them on the many sacrifices these veterans made to make this nation great. Then hold them down while a disabled veteran kicks their ass.

If you were never in the military, do not pretend that you wore battle dress uniforms or jungle fatigues or tell others that you used to be in the special forces. Collecting G.I. Joe memorabilia may have been OK when you were 7, but now it will only make you look stupid and get your ass kicked.

The next time you come across Air Force members, do not ask them, "Do you fly a jet?" Not everyone in the Air Force is a pilot. Such ignorance deserves an ass-kicking (children are exempt).

If you witness people calling the Coast Guard nonmilitary, inform them of their mistake -- and kick their ass.

The next time the U.S. flag prances by during a parade, get on your damn feet and pay homage to her by placing your hand over you heart. Quietly thank the military member or veteran lucky enough to be carrying her. Of course, failure to do either of those could earn you a severe ass-kicking.

"Your mama wears combat boots" never made sense -- stop saying it! If she did, she would most likely be a vet and therefore would kick your ass.

Flyboy, Jarhead, Grunt, Squid and Puddle Jumpers are terms of endearment military members use to describe each other. Unless you are a service member or vet, you have not earned the right to use them. Using them could get your ass kicked.

Last, but not least, regardless of whether you become a member of the military, support our troops and their families. Every Thanksgiving and religious holiday that you enjoy with family and friends, please remember that there are thousands of soldiers, sailors, marines and airmen far from home wishing they could be with their families. Thank God for our military and the sacrifices they make every day. Without them, our country would get its ass kicked.

It's the veteran, not the reporter, who has given us the freedom of the press.

It's the veteran, not the poet, who has given us the freedom of speech.

It's the veteran, not the community organizer, who gives us the freedom to demonstrate.

It's the military who salutes the flag, who serves beneath the flag, and whose coffin is draped by the flag, who allows the protester to burn the flag.