To sell the family home is a quandary

'I don't really want to sell the house," my friend confesses, "but my husband is convinced it's the right thing to do." Then there's a long pause. "I don't know what I'll do without the garden, and I've never lived in a condo."

It seems inevitable that once the kids leave home, you retire, cash in the house and move to a condo. Often, there's also a cottage or place down south in this scenario. Sometimes, it's downsizing to a condo that affords the cottage, or generates the capital needed for retirement. But even when there's no financial necessity, most feel compelled to get rid of the family home. My father said it would kill him to move to a condo, and he didn't. He spent 20 or so retirement years in his own house with my mother and, eventually, at-home care.

My father's reaction was not atypical of his generation. In the '70s, in Rosedale for instance, the gentry didn't downsize until they became widowers (and went to one of the three or four apartments that "everyone" in the blue-rinse set moved into) or had to go to a nursing home. Ancient couples stayed in their large homes to the end. Sure the maintenance slipped, and those with staff were too old to see that the help was getting careless. Gardens got wilder and the interior decor froze in some previously popular style. When these houses went up for sale, it was a shock to see exquisite Georgian furniture, antique silver and Group of Seven paintings combined with threadbare wall-to-wall that hadn't been cleaned for a while, and kitchens and bathrooms sadly in need of remodelling, if not disinfecting. Back then, I was appalled. Today I know it's my future: Unfortunately not the Georgian furniture or Group of Seven paintings, but the desire to keep going in my own house as long as I can.

I live in a condo in Toronto and have a house about an hour from the city. I should say, I sleep in a condo in Toronto and live in the country house. One house seems like enough to look after. Abandoning a house for the winter obviously presents maintenance and security issues, as does leaving a house empty all summer when you're at a cottage. The notion of having two or three homes to care for is daunting and I don't doubt that one less house is a good thing (financially, too). The idea that was bothering my friend who had a large cottage and a house-like place in Florida is that Toronto was her real home and now she felt she wasn't going to have a house there. Many of us cling to the idea of having a house in the place we call home. Condos, apartments, or whatever, are fine in all those places you live temporarily, even if for months.

A few start researching where they might go when they sell their house, years ahead of when they need to, and methodically visit condos around town. My partner is convinced we need a bungalow, or a house with an elevator. I think he'd sell our three-storey country house for a ranch style to ensure we're prepared for the day we can't make it up the stairs or when, more likely, going down the stairs is a death-defying act. I even know someone who bought a condo just in case they'll sell their house.

A few years after my father died, my mother sold "his" house and moved into a lovely, light-filled condo. So successful was she at de-acquisitioning, she needed a truckload of new furniture for it. A few pots on the balconies were all the garden required. I inherited my father's predilection for staying in a house, forever. Now I have to find people to look after me, and the house and garden, when I won't be able to.

Story Tools

We encourage all readers to share their views on our articles and blog posts. We are committed to maintaining a lively but civil forum for discussion, so we ask you to avoid personal attacks, and please keep your comments relevant and respectful. If you encounter a comment that is abusive, click the "X" in the upper right corner of the comment box to report spam or abuse. We are using Facebook commenting. Visit our FAQ page for more information.

Househunting Newsletter

Receive the latest in real estate news, decorating and renovating tips every two weeks in the househunting.ca newsletter.