Nice beginning! I really like how you picture Lauren and her surroundings. I also like that you took time to explain it before sending her immediately to Hogwarts. I’m looking forward to see how you send her there. Aside from some typos, you did a good job. Keep it up!

oh wow. okay. ummm... i'm really not trying to flame you at all, really, really, it's just... wow. lauren is getting really annoying. i'm sorry, please don't take it the wrong way, but she's throwing tantrums and she's just so completely negative that it's hard for me to read this fic without thinking, "please god lighten up." have you ever heard that saying about how somebody could lighten up a room, just by walking out of it? that's kind of the impression that i get from lauren--she's so angry all the time and bitter and everything, i just really have a hard time reading it. you did a good job with the high school scene, though, with all the different cliques, etc. if you don't mind me asking, are these people based off of people you know? because they're very accurate, it seems. i think you also need a Beta reader, because there are some spelling errors you've made, like "minuets" instead of "minutes." but it's nothing too bad. :) i think that your story has a lot of potential, and anyone who's been through high school can relate--but i really think you might want to make lauren lighten up. i understand the personality you're going for in your OC, and that's cool, but i think you could do it without the reader getting annoyed with her. :) again, this isn't supposed to be a flame, i really think this fic has potential and i think with some tweaking it'll be great!

Author's Response: I totaly understand what your saying and I dont take it as flaming at all. I'm sorry you dont like Lauren's character and I can see how her complaining and everything can get annoying but that's just the way she is. First of all she's not a very positive person in general. And than when there's nothing in her life to be positive about she's even more negative. I'm not saying that it's pleasent to be around someone whos so moody(haha)that's just her personality at the moment. But dont worry, she will lighten up soon.

I'm glad you like the high school scene! And to answer your very good question I didn't base the characters off particular people in my life but kind've a few put together. If that makes sence....Haha. I was aiming to make tham more realistic than the typical "preety girl with lot's of friends" in most TV shows, movies, fanfics, etc. I was so sick of the popular girl with great fashion sence(and can afford it)being blond>. I can't stand it when they always make the snobs or just popular girls blond. And I'm not even blond. So that ws a great compliment when you said they're very accurate because I wanted to create my own characters but make them as realistic as I could with out exaggerating so much.

firstly i want to say that i love your banner. also, i love the name you've given the high school--even if it isn't pronounced "river mound," like i'm reading it, just the spelling suggests such a dreary place. a river mound makes me think of a pile of underwater sludge, haha. so good job with that, intentional or not. i love the whole mail thing, i think we all know why she hasn't been getting post lately... i guess she's in america, then?

the only criticism i have is that her sarcasm and everything being so depressing and her family hating her and her sister being better, etc., etc., just sounds kind of... whiny to me. :( sorry. i think you could get your point across about how she didn't like school or how her sister was better than her without actually coming right out and saying it (several times). otherwise, i think this is a really great start!

Author's Response: heyy glad u like most of it and thanks alot for the advice & THANKS FOR REVIEWING!! *goes to other review*

I can honestly say I really like it!
The writting really good, and I like the sarcastic humour you portrayed on Lauren...to much perky-ness tends to irk me. Can't wait to see what happens next. Very cool job! ^_^

It's great! It reminds me of me in highschool. I like how you described those girls who act like that, and you didn't describe them as blonds. I'm getting sick off the blond bimbo thing. So when is she entering the wizarding world? Also you put to much attention on the lolly pop part of the story. Other then that, i loved it. Keep it up.

Author's Response: I know! I was getting sick of the whole dumb blond thing too even though I'm not blond, cuz its not like that in reality. Glad you like it!!! & thanks for the advice =]

this is a really good beginning; it's the perfect length to be intriguing and yet not too short as to be obscure, and the mention of the mail has the reader guessing as to what's going to be happening soon. i like the humour you put into this (the mailman remarks and the "you wanna make me" comment at the very beginning made me chuckle) and i think you've developped your character well. she seems sort of sarcastic and like a bit of a loner, and though she doesn't do well at school, i feel like she's probably smarter than the kids at her school in some ways. just don't take describing her appearance and her clothes too far and you're all set :D

also, be careful of verb tenses, as you tend to mix up the past and the present. other than that, this is a great start and it'll probably develop very well!

Author's Response: Glad you like it so far!! I'll try not to get overly detailed when describing people and I'll def keep an eye out on the tenses. Thanks for reviewing!! =]