Thursday, January 21, 2010

Since I wanted to give an honest answer to my blog readers; I thought I would discuss the question with Sanjog, whom I consider my bologonomist( If there is no such word!! I invented it. I claim it in the name of Blogosphere! ).He with his awesome analytical and grammatical skill, dramatically told me:"Sorcy! I will rephrase it for you."He rephrased the question as "SORCY!! How do you manage to run onto walls everyday?"

It's not only me who run onto walls, most of us do. Right?(C'mon!! be honest!!). But unlike you, I want to make it into a profession. Yes! A profession, just like my whistling skills.Wow!! May be I can combine it both, whistle and run onto walls.What an Idea!

....

Has anyone asked you.. "Why you so stupid?" and I know, you must have kept quiet, just like me because its an essay answer.

I will tell you, why some people sound intelligent till you read their blog posts.[ Please feel free to quote this anywhere, I wont charge you for my awesome one-liners spread through out this blog like acne on a teenager's forehead.]

To explain this phenomenon, it would be easy to understand if we get into the 'heart' of the situation, which is our brain.

As you can see, it is a picture of human brain. Like many of you, I too assume that, It is there, inside our head.Human brain is mysterious as the smile of Monalisa.

Human brain has 3 kinds of cells. White Cells, Gray Cells and Black Cells, as depicted from the picture. We all know that everything is made up of cells. So, it makes perfect sense; seeing is believing folks.

Ever wondered why we have racism? Because..It's all in our head.(huh!..No?).I don't really care, what scientists say cuz they always has a way of changing their theories (Consider the plight of poor planet Pluto!! They messed its identity)

We are more concerned about Gray cells.When you think or is taking a decision, these gray cells help you to jump into conclusion, actually gallop into conclusion in my case.Gray cells are actually called Neurons, kinda like a scientific nick name that rhymes with morons.

When humans are born, we are actually born with all the neurons or gray cells we are "supposed to use" through out our life, yeah kinda like the offer given by pubs "Drink all beer you can tonight thingy!!".When these neurons die because of various reasons, they are lost forever and they are buried deep inside the brain.(RIP). Neurons, are programmed to die.

Everyday morning the neurons wake up, and they brush their teeth, get dressed and sit on the bench, thinking that, today it will be used/called. Kinda like a benched software programmer during recession times.

Unfortunately, most of us don't use brain and use Google instead. This is the reason why we don't use our neurons and become morons. Poor, neurons.They get so bored of sitting idle, everyday and they cannot live that way any more .Then they commit suicide by hanging on a hook from the cell wall, out of sheer boredom.Doctors call it apoptosis.(Spelled as A-pop-to-sis, sounds incest.No?).

This is what I am interested in.Most of us people, hit on the back of the head of the person who says something stupid, kinda like hitting on the Television set when it gives bad reception. Well!! in reality such hitting on the head causes necrotic cell death, because it's traumatic injury, thereby making the awesome person more stupid.

I think my math teacher and most of my teachers was not aware of this, awesome scientific finding. They used to hit me every time on my head, trying to get a good reception from me; my poor neurons. They were forced to commit suicide, at an early stage like a nervous suicide bomber, who pees and short circuits the wires in his underwear, thus blowing up and creating damage to the toilet walls. I think I must have lost at least 60% of my gray cells during my school days.

Because of my wing-man, and the football, I must have lost another 10% of the neurons. I also play cricket and at times, I used to be declared out for being HBW.(Head Before Wicket).That's what happens when you try and impress the folk of pink pigeons watching the cricket match, by accidentally hitting the retard fast bowler for a six. The bowler will fail to get your joke and throw the next ball straight at your head; which results in a loss of consciousness and many number of neurons.*sigh

Let us put all the other known and unknown hits under "The MISCellaneous" category, just like my cousin who puts all porn he couldn't classify as American or Spanish or Arabic in Misc Folder.So Neuron deaths via Misc equals 10%

I think I lost a great deal of neurons, when during my first time. I think this event must have caused me to loose. another 25% of my awesome neurons.

See! this is the problem with life. I really wanted to use my neurons, but I lost a good percentage of it to premature ...errr...premature suicide thingy.

When I think of necrotic cell death which happened to me due to environmental toxins, I think of that old man, who farted in the elevator. I had no place to run, I was like a caged lab rat smelling cabbage. I would have had lost a quiet a percentage of Neurons that way too.

All those guys who are feeling bad, about their necrotic cell deaths. There is actually a good news.A real good news. See, a survivor actually turns all major bull crap into his advantage. This is when I say "When life gives you bull crap..dry it and sell it to NASA as solid fuel."-Sorcerer

I will tell you an easy way to 'patch up' with your girl friend when you 'forgot' her birthday.

Girl:You forgot my birthday ..you stupid..Donkey!!

Guy: I blame it on the pollution?

Girl:What?

Guy:[ You explain about all the awesome things you learn from "my blog", and tell her that you learned it all by yourself, and you are a genius.!I I forgive you..Its to save your rear.Right?]..and that's how necrotic cell deaths occur and people forget birthdays.

Girl:Awwwww!! I didn't know that darling.Won't you forgive my stupid ignorance? Sorry for calling you donkey, you monkey.

Guy:It's alright! I am going to sue the companies that pollute the environment , that caused neuron death in my brain, made me forget your birthday to get huge amount of money.

Girl:Really!! MAAAAUUUUYY HERRRRROO!!! Then you will buy me a diamond ring.Right?

Guy:[Smile!! BUT don't ever say!! you will buy her diamond ring straight away!! Bluff it as if you are planning things ahead]:Hmm... I will buy lots of camels and oil wells for our great future, then with the change I will get you the biggest diamond, you can ever imagine.

Hmm...good...now I have an excellent excuse as to why I can never make an intelligent reply to your posts (that are just too damn clever for me a lot of the time...plus I am always impressed by your patience to keep writing...)...it is my more advanced age which means that my neurons have suffered so many more traumas and are so sadly diminished. So from now I shall feel quite justified in limiting myself to a 'lol' or :) :D

after writing this comment i am going out to buy a titanium head gear complete with a mask containing nano filters to save whatever little neurons i have left....i hope it's not too late...perhaps i should get a ct scan done.... :D

I think now I need to check the number of neurons I have.The one liners are awesome dude!Lets share this brainy thing...:)What are these cells (I am bad at bio)? Are we talking about the AA cells or AAA cells? LOLZThink u got what I want to say..:)