In Case You’re Wondering…

My intention was to sit down with you and try to really understand. I appreciate those of you who have made yourself open and available for that. But your explanations about past administrations failed policies and your frustration with our government, have not satisfied. I know we disagree on policy, but I thought we agreed on a set of values: honesty, integrity, kindness and respect. I thought we both expected more from our leaders. You say it was time for something different. But did it have to be this? I’m not crying every day over it anymore and I’m not raging about it 24/7. Most days I have the capacity to still be open to dialogue. But I need you to know, I’m still mad that you voted for him.

You voted for him after he said Mexicans immigrants are rapists and criminals. You voted for him after he said he would build a wall to keep them out.

You voted for him after he said he would ban Muslims from entering this country. You minimized this comment to mean “tougher immigration policies”, not knowing how tough our policies already are. You didn’t even look into it. You just voted for him.

This country, the country I love and the country I chose to make a home in, raise my family in, was built by immigrants. I thought we value this coming together of Many to become One. “Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses.” and all… Watching you support this isolationist, racist rhetoric is still breaking my heart.

You voted for him after he said that he would commit war crimes, after he said he would go after ISIS by killing their families. He said this in an interview. On television. Not a single person held him accountable for it.

He publicly mocked a disabled person, and you laughed along, said the media made that up and voted for him anyway.

He said that his supporters would vote for him even if he shot a man on Fifth Avenue and he was right. You still voted for him.

For years he has publicly bullied and viciously attacked women on and off social media and you just laughed it off and rationalized it.

He said he would sexually assault women, “grab them by the pussy” and you still voted for him. You said that’s “just locker room talk”. He proudly announced that he walks in on young women while they’re changing, at his pageants, just because he can. I looked at my husband with tears in my eyes and he assured me, he never heard talk like that in his locker rooms and if he did, he wouldn’t stand for it. I kept listening for your outcry but you stayed silent.

I consoled dozens of clients, women with past sexual trauma during the following weeks. I cleaned up that mess as best as I could, holding space, sharing tears, processing rage at the injustice….. You didn’t. You just voted for him.

He has lied over and over and over again, provable lies, ridiculous lies, unnecessary lies…. You have minimized these by saying things like “He is not polished”, “He is not a career politician”, “So what? He puts his foot in his mouth, get over it.” I’m not over it. I’ll never be over it. Believe me, I’m not so naive as to think that politicians shouldn’t lie. I know they all do. But when you openly endorse a pathological liar, to the highest office in the land, you make it really hard for all of us to teach our kids the value of honesty.

Some of you were hoping that pre-election Candidate said all of those things in order to “appease his base”, that after the election he would suddenly present a much different, much more rational demeanor. Those hopes have not come to fruition. He has doubled down on every racist, bigoted, sexist thing he has ever said or done and you still support him.

I have cried many tears since the election. Tears of sorrow, tears of fear, tears of disillusionment. I had been naive. I had been trusting. Before the election I kept saying “the collective consciousness is not going to allow a man like him to become the President of the United States!” So ridiculous. What a hippie-coastal-elite-snowflaky-cosmopolitan-biased thing to say, huh…? I really believed it too! I thought electing an African American man by the name of Barak Hossein Obama, had shifted things in this country in a significant or more permanent way. I was so wrong. It reminds me of my younger self, how I thought, living in Iran, during that country’s most tumultuous time, I would be safe from harm inside my own house….I was wrong about that too.

The past 48 hours, he has once again taken a sensitive, foreign diplomacy situation and made it into a full-blown international crisis because he is uninformed, thin-skinned and reactive. He has put the lives of millions of people, including Americans, at risk because he is inexperienced, too impulsive and easily threatened. He can throw words like “fire and fury” and “military power and arsenal” around because he has no idea what he’s talking about. He has never served. He doesn’t know what combat is like. He has never said goodby to a loved one being deployed, not knowing if he’ll ever see them again, and he has not watched them come back, void of the person they used to be. He has never had to help them heal from all the trauma and the atrocities of war. I have, and I’m mad as hell at you, for voting for someone who thinks of war as merely a power play.

I wish I could say with certainty that I’m not worried, that I’m sure that his advisers, his cabinet members or top military officials will intervene and calm this situation. But I’m not certain of that at all. He doesn’t listen. He doesn’t think he needs to. He thinks highly of himself so he doesn’t learn. He thinks he is above the law. Your safety or my safety doesn’t concern him. He is a malignant narcissist and he is not fit to be President.

3 comments

Thank you for putting into words what can sail by in fleeting moments in my mind…Disappointed, aghast, perplexed, confused – flashes of rage ignite at times in my blood as I think about the people who didn’t vote, or who voted by writing in a fictional name or who voted for “anyone but Hillary,” or who didn’t vote for Hillary because they ‘didn’t trust her’. I wasn’t thrilled by the choices either. I liked Bernie myself – I was so sad that I couldn’t feel more excited about the woman who was running for president. But I sat with the information, I listened and asked. I tried to see the bigger picture and the writing on the walls. I tried to support people in voting. Sometimes I wonder how it must feel to be living with the consequences of those choices. I cannot imagine.

I don’t want to imagine really because I am mad too. Thank you Mahshid! I am angry that so many voted for him. It hurts to hold the space knowing there is so much hatred in so many. That so very many hate women, and Jews, Blacks, Asians, Hispanics, and people who are LGBTQ – hell that so many people hate so many in general. It is incredibly disturbing!! Something has gone very wrong here for such a large group of people to have that much hate. Other mammals in the animal kingdom don’t do this…

I try to pace myself, to comport myself such that I can manage, and stay open and be effective in the world. I try to rise above it – a daily chore, and sometimes even a moment to moment chore. It is so hard. We as people can do so so much healing on the planet. We, as people can offer so much! I am mad, and sad, and scared….it is nice to have a voice about this. thank you Mahshid.

Thank you, Mahshid. There’s a level of resolve and resilience required of us… to stay afloat, to survive, to thrive, to fight back. Some days I feel strong, resourceful. Some days I feel swept up and away on a rip tide of fear and weariness. What you have written is good, and right, and strong. I am glad you are holding us accountable and speaking. Your thoughts, your questions, resonate with me, and I am thankful for your eloquence and honesty.

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