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JERUSALEM TOUR: ﻿Moving Down Herzl Road

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David Kilimnick
David Kilimnick: Jerusalem's Comedian performs at his Off The Wall Comedy Basement- Jerusalem's first comedy club, every Thursday in English
… [More]and every Wednesday in Hebrew, in downtown Jerusalem. David may also be contacted to perform for tour groups in Israel & Synagogue fundraisers around the world, and for your private parties.
Contact: david@israelcomedy.com 972(50)875-5688
David Kilimnick, dubbed Israel's father of Anglo comedy by the Jerusalem Post, is leading the new pack of English-speaking stand-up comics in Israel . At his Off the Wall Comedy Basement club in Jerusalem (the first of its kind), Kilimnick has been offering up penetrating observations of life in his turbulent adopted country. Tourists and native Israelis alike have been flocking to his cozy, intimate club and raving about his unique ability to transform the daily chaos and aggravation of Israeli life into an evening full of laughter. Kilimnick's material covers the rocky transition from his "New York Cocoon" to his new life as an "Oleh Chadash" or Israeli newcomer. Still single, Kilimnick touches on his religious upbringing, his rabbinic insights, the injustices of Jewish grammar school and Jewish summer camp, and the looks he gets from his Jewish mother because he isn't married yet. Meanwhile, Kilimnick's universal humor takes you on a tour of funny through the Holy Land.
Incorporating routines from his shows 'The Aliyah Monologues Classic 1 & 2','Find Me A Wife,' 'Frum From Birth: Religious Manifesto', his music show 'Avtala Band' & more, David Kilimnick justifies his Aliyah (move to Israel), while taking you through the reality of life as a single immigrant, Israel experiences, holidays & family left behind. You are sure to walk away entertained, enlightened, or with David.
David has recently appeared on "Bip" Israel's comedy network, צחוק מעבודב and has been hailed by the tough Israeli media as a rising star who possesses Seinfeldian charm when he takes to the stage. [Less]

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Here are the hotels, purposefully built outside of walking distance from anything you would like to see.

We are going to pass Beit Hakarem. Non-religious people live here. They are not interesting. These people used to be religious, but made the decision to not be religious once they realized that tourists do not look at nonreligious people.
There is nothing to see here. You can see people grocery shopping if that interests you. However, for all of our sake, we will keep moving to an area where people look different and look down on us.

We are now moving along Herzl Road. We just passed Yad Sarah. Yad Sarah supplies medical equipment, such as crutches, for sick or handicap people, who have to go and pick up them up at Yad Sarah. However, they do not deliver. Yad Sarah also provides prayers for people who cannot walk without crutches, and cannot pick them up because they cannot walk, which is why they needed them.
We will now say a blessing for all of the sick people who are not healthy and can thus not use Yad Sarah.

If you look to the other side of the road, you will see the Sha’arei Chesed Hospital. It is a hospital. It is known for treating people who are sick and could thus not be helped by Yad Sarah.

Let us move back to the other side of the street.
Mount Herzl, also known as the Mountain of Memory, hosts the main military cemetery of Israel. Herzl is buried here. If Herzl fought in a war or did not is not important. The point is he is buried in the cemetery. This is quite ironic, because it is called Mount Herzl.
Yom HaAtzmaut Celebrations begin here. Yom HaAtzmaut, Israel Independence Day, begins right after Yom HaZikaron- The Day of Remembrance for the fallen soldiers. They kick the ceremonies off, right after the memorial services. As the Jewish saying goes, ‘Always remember the bad when celebrating.’ As in every holiday, you will notice that people use a Yahrzeit candle to remember their close relatives. Many people then take the glass the candle was in and use it as a shot glass, to confuse the children. Jewish tradition is steeped in not wasting stuff you will not use. As such, it is traditional to keep every plastic bag.
Other Jewish sayings: Never enjoy the good times. Make sure your child feels guilty for getting an ‘A.’ Make sure your guests eat a lot and are made uncomfortable. It is only as good as it is bad. Am I chopped liver? You are going to give me a heart attack.

On the other side of Mount Herzl is Yad VaShem. Opened in 1957, the entrance gate looks like the entrance to a Concentration Camp, thus giving you the full feeling of ‘Do not Enjoy’ that Jerusalem offers.
There is also the Valley of communities. 5,000 Jewish communities destroyed.
The Hall of Remembrance has a cattle car. The Cattle cars would ship the Jews to the concentration camps, as Jews were treated like animals on their way to slaughter. You are expecting something funny now? You malicious bitter spiteful cruel vindictive disgusting person.
There was the children’s memorial, commemorating all the children who were murdered. Their only sin was being born to a Jewish mother.
Many of you have expressed the feeling of burden and punishment, being born to a Jewish mother. The amount of guilt you felt growing up. However, that is the punishment of love.
I would try to be funny here, but I have a heart. That is the point I wanted to make. I have a heart and I care. I am an awesome guy, and any mother-in-law would be happy to have me

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