You're Doing It Right

11/09/2011
The Anti-Austen
5 Comments

Dating, I have learned, can be an art. There is a right way to treat a girl (or woman, whichever you please) and there is a wrong way. You readers especially are aware of this fact because you spend some portion of your time reading a blog that heralds the finer examples of dating and conversely, the experiences that generate stories to forever become infamous among your friends and future descendants. The flops. The doozies. The failures.

I am here today, my friends, to tell you a story about dating gone right. It is still being written but things are presently looking quite nice.

It all started about a month and a half ago when I went to the library with one of my best friends. We were studying away on a Saturday afternoon, trying to be (or pretending to be) productive and diligent. Amidst our studies and miniature conversations, my friend's brother walked up behind us and pulled up a chair. I'd met him once or twice before. He started talking to us and after some time, my friend had to leave. Her brother and I remained for another hour, alternating between bouts of studying and small comments to each other. Finally, we both looked up after a phone went off or something and had a full-fledged conversation. It was really good; which is to say, I felt that it bordered on flirty a couple times. Soon, I had to go as well, so I packed up somewhat reluctantly and left.

For the rest of the evening, I couldn't stop thinking about this boy. Like I said before, I had met him in the past, but readers, I feel like I should mention that he is really cute. When I did meet him around 6 months ago, I had a boyfriend so I admired his qualities but since I wasn't looking, it hadn't made much of an impression on me. The library experience had. I was spending time with another friend that evening who knew the other friend and the brother. I was gushing about this minor conversation we had had and she remarked on it, saying, "I don't usually feel like boys have this effect on you." But he had.

My friend had dinner with him the next day (...Saturday and Sunday comes afterwards. I don't want this weekend to end! Thanks, Rebecca Black.) She texted me later that evening to tell me that her brother had asked her...if I was dating anyone. I practically jumped through the ceiling with excitement. After all, there was potential.

I decided to wait it out and try not to get my hopes up. That, I have found, is never wise. So I was going with the flow. Two days later, I ran into him again at the library. I rushed home to tell my friend, who said that he had called her and mentioned it (there were other reasons for the phone call as well, fyi) and she, jokingly, wondered if he asked for my number. Explaining that he didn't want to come on too strong, he said that he thought about it but decided to try another time.

Still keeping this boy in the back of my mind, I went on with my life. A week later, the same friend, my roommate, and I went to the temple. I did a double take when I walked in and saw him sitting at the table by the font, doing temple work. Ecstatically yet reverently, I told my friend. We were both excited (for different reasons, however) to run into her brother there. I'm not going to admit that I eye-flirted with someone in the temple, but something akin to that went down. We left and I couldn't stop thinking about him.

It got to the point where I really wanted something more to happen so I negotiated with my friend to arrange a "serendipitous run-in" with her brother. We came up with a plan and the next time he was over, I conveniently had to stop by to ask my friend a question. While I was visiting, he (also) conveniently organized for a group of us to go to the Haunted Forest later that week. In addition to that, my friend--who is an FHE mom--invited the both of us to go to a family activity with them: a concert for which she had extra tickets. I was stoked.

The concert was great as I sat next to him the whole time and we commented on the performances...er...shared our opinions with each other. I was itching for more. And it came. On Thursday, the group went through the Haunted Forest, and one way or another, I ended up clinging to his arm because it was legitimately scary. But even when it wasn't... we both seemed to be okay with the way that things turned out. He walked me home afterwards and asked for my number. Success :)

That Saturday, a friend threw a Halloween party and he stopped in at the end and we talked for about 2 hours and he walked me home again. Interest was growing. The next day, he called and asked me to lunch. We went on the lunch date and he was later for class because we talked so long...oops. Then, on Friday, he invited me to the basketball game. We got hot chocolate afterwards and talked until the shop kicked us out. On Sunday, we went to the fireside and I invited him over to play games later. He stayed until midnight, just talking to my roommates and me. Bonding, that sort of thing.

It culminated tonight when I asked him to study with me. When the library closed, we drove home and sat in the car for three hours talking. And somewhere in there, he grabbed my hand. :)Readers, he did everything right so far. He casually set up a group to go to something together so that he could hang out with me. He asked for my number at the right times. To ask me out on dates, he called and asked in person, instead of texting. He walked me home. He respected my boundaries. He was always sweet and polite.

We are The Anti-Austens, a collective of feisty, young Latter-Day Saints endowed with old-fashioned sensibilities (acquired through our Mormon upbringing and extensive reading of Jane Austen novels) trudging our way through the modern dating scene.
Our blog was first created in 2010 and based in the Latter-Day Saint epicenter of marriage: Brigham Young University. Since its creation, the blog has seen many writers come and go, but those of us who remain continue vigilant in our quest for a gentleman happily blessed with our ideal qualities. For a few of us, that quest has led us away from our original hunting ground (BYU) on to hopefully greener--and considerably less overwhelmed--pastures.

It seems to be not just him that is doing things right, its also you. It seems that there is an equal-ish amount of give and take. He's not the only one inviting you to do things, you're telling him "hey, I like you too" because you're willing to invite him to do things too.

I think too often we think the men are supposed to do the asking that it turns into "the men are supposed to do ALL the asking".