Minerva walked down to the dungeons, book in hand. She was nearly skipping with excitement. She and Severus had done… things… before, but not frequently. Certainly not recently enough. She remembered the night last week. That had been… well… one hell of a good time, to say the least. To counteract the stupid grin that was surely forming on her face, she shot a death glare at a passing student. Cowering away, the first year scooted for his common room as fast as possible.

When she reached the dungeon she noticed that the door was partially open. She could hear soft music playing inside. The always-dim lights of the dungeon seemed more sultry than usual. Luckily no one ever came down to the dungeons this time of day.

She slipped into the room silently and stood staring at Severus for a moment, his back toward her. His black hair was tied back into a ponytail, and he had not donned his regular robe, but was wearing a lightweight black shirt and black trousers. A small smile twisted her face momentarily as she thought how much the ponytail did not suit him. She would look forward to relieving him of it later.

She set the book down, cover up, and glided silently over toward Severus. She reached up and covered his eyes.

“Guess who?” she whispered in his ear. He turned around, not answering her question.

His eyes were black and before she knew what had happened he had drawn her into a long kiss. When they broke apart she was feeling distinctly light-headed. He seemed breathless as well.

“Why hello Minnie,” he murmured.

She smiled at him and stood on tiptoe to give him another searing kiss. However, he stopped her.

“Wait, before all that, I need to ask you something.”

“I’m listening,” she said in a low voice.

She felt him shiver- her arms were still around his neck, but then he set his face and didn’t look at her. “Well- what- what I wanted to ask you was… is… what *exactly is going on between us?” And then he met her eye.

She raised an eyebrow, “I should have thought that was particularly obvious.” She glanced downward toward the front of his trousers as though proving her point and he did the same. Flushing slightly he replied. “What I mean is, we’re together, but we’re not. We barely speak during school and then at night we crave each other. Shouldn’t we make our relationship public if that’s what it is- a relationship?”

She ran a hand through his hair. He really needed to get rid of that ponytail. She smiled at him.

“But isn’t it more fun this way? An adventure?”

“Ah yes, what you Gryffindors desire even more than sex.”

She crossed her arms and he immediately looked regretful. “Well, I suppose this could be considered an under-the-table, dirty, immoral relationship. Very Slytherin.”

He frowned. “You’re stereotyping again.”

Minerva sighed and then reached up and put her hands on his shoulders. “It’s an affair Severus. Who cares how we go about it? We love each other- right?”

His eyes were burning with intensity and they never left her’s. He stepped forward and pressed his hips to her’s, kissing her hard. “Yes, we do.”

Minerva shivered and yanked his head back down to her’s, deftly removing his hair bow in the process. When they broke the kiss, both were shaking (old people, what can I say?).

“So,” Minerva gasped. “What did you have planned for tonight?”

He grinned at her. She remembered back to the first time he had grinned at her. She hadn’t known that it was possible up until that time. They had been in the staff room grading papers and talking about students. Finally the subject of firewhiskey had come up. She didn’t remember how. Minerva had confessed to having a deep addiction to the whiskey. Severus had just looked at her for a moment, and then broke into a grin. It was the exact one he was giving her right now.

“Oh I don’t know. The usual,” he murmured.

“Well, I had a few ideas, if you don’t,” she smiled.

“Oh really?” he asked nibbling at her ear. She pulled away from him for a moment and came back momentarily with the book, ‘The History of Muggle Kama Sultra and Associated Practices.’ In an instant he had grabbed it away from her.

“Where on earth did you get this book?”

“Moira gave it to me the other day. In my opinion she just wishes she could get some of it with Hag-”

“It even has pictures!” he interrupted holding it up so that she could see. “If this is half as fun as it looks… Come on, let’s try some of this stuff!”

He unbuttoned his shirt and pulled it off. She just stared at him, her arms crossed.

“What?” Severus asked.

“Isn’t there some rule in there that there is supposed to be some kind of foreplay? Because you’re definitely skipping that part.”

He just grinned again and pulled her to him, unbuttoning her robes and sliding them off. She still had on a blouse and skirt underneath. He began to undo the blouse. “Yes, there is supposed to be foreplay, but that requires you being naked as well.”

He showed her the illustration. It was rather… graphic… and looked like… hell- it looked like FUN! Her eyes widened and looked up at Severus. She began shedding her clothes as hastily as he had.

And in their excitement, they forgot one thing.

Minerva had not remembered to shut the door.

***

“It’s this way,” came a disembodied voice in the hallway of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

“No, it’s this way! Don’t you think I’d remember?” hissed a second voice.

“Pid, I hate to break it to you, but you can hardly remember what you ate for breakfast.”

Rayya and Pidget, covered by Pidget’s invisibility cloak, were making their nightly rounds around Hogwarts. Generally the pair were off on a mission to steal food from the kitchen, destroy the prefect’s bathroom, or deface the staff room, but tonight’s exploit was of a different sort. They were in search of Lockhart’s classroom.

It was just the first week of school and Rayya and Pidget had yet to take the Professor’s class. However, the word of mouth was that he was a pompous git, who hardly knew his right foot from his wand hand, let alone how to teach a class.

So, Rayya and Pidget were off to do what they did best: spice things up a bit. The next morning Lockhart’s room would be covered in rainbow colors, the pictures on his walls sporting pro-Gryffindor, anti-Slytherin messages. All in all the girls were anticipating an exciting evening.

Suddenly the girls found themselves in an area of the castle they had never been in before. Rayya crossed her arms and leaned against the wall.

“Pid, now look what you’ve done. We’re lost- again!”

“We’re not lost! Hang on- I swear it was this way.” Pidget pulled out her wand and muttered the lumos spell. She then opened up a piece of parchment showing a map from Gyrffindor Tower to Lockhart’s Classroom. An older student had given it to them earlier that day when they let it slip what they were going to do. Luckily the elder Gryffindor had been more than willing to hand over directions and was calling out suggestions as Pidget and Rayya went up to their dormitory to plot.

“Ha! See, it’s just a little to our right! We should be coming up on it in just a minute!”

Rayya checked the map to make sure that Pidget didn’t have it upside-down and nodded. They folded the map up and Pidget murmured “Nox” to her wand. Suddenly they approached a statue.

“This is right where the entrance should be. Do you think we have to know a password?” asked Pidget.

“Well, we’ve never had to have a password for any of our other classes. I wonder how we get in… hang on. What the heck is this statue of anyways?”

Rayya and Pidget leaned in closer to the statue. It was a solid gold sculpture of an arrogant looking man with a huge smile on his face. Though it was dark, the two girls immediately recognized him as Gilderoy Lockhart.

“He’s got to be horrible in real life. Who on earth would have a statue of himself guarding his classroom?” Rayya said.

“He’s kind of cute…” Pid said.

“Pid!!” Rayya laughed, thinking Pidget was kidding. Pidget however gazed for a moment at the golden statue’s face. He seemed so bold and heroic. If he were this magnificent as a statue, Pidget couldn’t wait to see what he was like in real life. She didn’t care what anyone else had to say about him.

Rayya and Pidget walked around behind the statue to look for the entrance to the classroom. They ended up walking through what seemed like a maze of black velvet roping, complete with pictures illustrating Gilderoy Lockhart from birth until present along the wall. Pidget was looking rather intently at all of them, much to Rayya’s annoyance.

“Honestly! This is just like a line at Disney World! What? Does he expect everyone to come down here and wait in line to get his autograph?” she muttered. They hurried on toward the classroom.

Inside the girls were bombarded with sleeping pictures of Gilderoy Lockhart, bookshelves filled with his books and a banner saying “Five Time Winner of Witch Weekly’s Most Charming Smile Award!” Rayya snorted in disgust. Pidget stared in awe.

However, all was forgotten as the girls quickly pulled forth pranks from their bags. Giving each other devilish grins, they proceeded to deface the classroom in as many ways as magically possible. Booby traps were set up, along with immature message written on the sleeping photographs. Lockhart was definitely in for a surprise.

After all was done the girls gave each other one last evil smirk and throwing the invisibility cloak over themselves, wove their way back through the roping. They made a right turn and began the trek back to Gryffindor tower.

After a while the girls began to think that maybe they had taken the wrong way out of Lockhart’s classroom. The air was becoming distinctly colder.

Rayya said through chattering teeth, “Are we going the right way Pid?”

“I don’t know…” she confessed. “Here let me check the map-”

But suddenly the two heard a noise. They quick hurried to hide behind a suit of armor. It was Filch’s horrible cat Mrs. Norris. She came toward them and peered around the armor. Her luminous yellow eyes stared straight at them. She scampered off.

“Phew,” said Pid. “I’ll check the map now.”

She was just pulling out her wand when Rayya stopped her.

“Don’t Pid- not right now. Filch is probably around. He’ll spot us.”

“Oh… right,” Pidget looked around. “Hey, there’s a light up ahead. Let’s go see if we can see the map over there.”

Rayya agreed and they set off down the hall. As they approached the light, it became apparent that it was being shed by an open door. They started to hear a rather loud unearthly moaning noise.

“Great,” said Rayya. “It’s probably Peeves- just what we need.”

“Do you think he’ll know we’re here?”

“I doubt it, let’s just be quick about it.”

Pidget nodded and pulled slightly ahead of Rayya to get to the door. However, she stopped short, her eyes bugging out. Rayya bumped into her, causing them both to stagger closer to a sight that was not meant for the eyes of anyone under the age of 18.

“What are they doing?” Pidget asked, scandalized.

“I’m going to have nightmares for the rest of my life!” Rayya exclaimed at the same time.

Professor McGonagall was poised, on all fours on a coffee table as Professor Snape stood behind her. A rather lot of movement was occurring in the hip region of both the Professors. Professor Snape bent over suddenly and grasped on to the transfiguration professor’s breasts. She let out a moan. Pidget and Rayya looked at each other, horrified.

Suddenly, in a swift motion that the girls would never have thought possible from such an old Professor, she spun around and Snape landed otop of her, chest against chest on the coffee table. Their mouths met in a rather teeth and tongue involved kiss.

“Sevvy,” McGonagall breathed. “Get the book again. I want to try a standing up position. What was that one called?”

“The Swing?” he asked, in a low voice.

“Yeah that one.”

The Professor pulled apart and suddenly the two students realized what the professors were talking about. There was a book entitled, ‘The History of Muggle Kama Sultra and Associated Practices,’ lying on an end table close to the door. And suddenly they got a view that they had never wanted to see, not in a million years. The front view, of a naked, turned-on, Professor Snape.

“Gross!” Pidget exclaimed, not bothering to keep her voice down.

“What was that Sevvy?” said McGonagall, still catching her breath.

“Hmm? I didn’t say anything?”

“Pid!” Rayya hissed, poking her friend. “Let’s get out of here!”

And the two girls scampered away from the scene. Whatever ‘The Swing’ was, they did NOT have any urge to receive a visual demonstration.