Guy Fieri Gets Slammed, Hilariously, By ‘New York Times’

The New York Times prides itself on being fair and balanced, but boy oh boy did restaurant critic Pete Wells hate Guy Fieri’s new Times Square joint, Guy’s American Kitchen & Bar. The result is scathing, hilarious and one of the best things we have read in a long, long time.

Below, our five favorite lines from Wells’ review, which was written as a series of questions.

“Why did the toasted marshmallow taste like fish?”

“Why is one of the few things on your menu that can be eaten without fear or regret — a lunch-only sandwich of chopped soy-glazed pork with coleslaw and cucumbers — called a Roasted Pork Bahn Mi, when it resembles that item about as much as you resemble Emily Dickinson?”

“Hey, did you try that blue drink, the one that glows like nuclear waste? The watermelon margarita? Any idea why it tastes like some combination of radiator fluid and formaldehyde?”

“When you have a second, Mr. Fieri, would you see what happened to the black bean and roasted squash soup we ordered?”

“Oh, and we never got our Vegas fries; would you mind telling the kitchen that we don’t need them?”

Ouch.

That being said, we are sure this place will still be packed for a long, long time.