A Very Merry Unbirthday to You, My Dear

Published August 8, 2015 by
Mae McDonnell

Impossibly, our daughter is six months old today. This means a few things.

1. It was exactly six months ago that I was in labor for TWENTY-FOUR hours. This is a fact that I intend to bring up to the BaBa often, for the rest of our natural lives. Perhaps longer. If I was going to haunt anyone, it would probably be her.

2. It is now time to try on my pre-pregnancy clothes, in the fervid hope that some of them might actually fit. I am trying to not build this up to a bigger event than it actually is.

3. BaBa needs to start eating some regular baby food, which I’ve been dreading for months, despite my growing obsession with making the stuff. It will change her poop from sweet-smelling newborn poop to, well, human poop. Poop.

4. This is probably the last time we’ll even notice her half birthday.

I read somewhere that parenting is a continual process of mourning — that every day is both a celebration of the child you’re raising and a sorrow for the child she no longer is. In six months, I’ve watched BaBa change from an inert newborn (she was never tiny) to an opinionated and joyful little person that watches the world with wide eyes and an open mouth, as though she wants to taste every bit of it. When she’s in her carrier on my chest, her head constantly swivels from left to right so that she can see everything going on around her. She hates to sleep, even when her body is screaming for it, because she knows the world — which needs exploring — is continuing on without her.

I miss the sleepy three week old that was content to nap on my chest for hours — I still stare at BaBa when she does actually sleep, trying to memorize every line before the topography of her face changes again. She fell asleep on me last night and I sat with her for fifteen minutes longer than I had to, just to try and catch these moments that I know that I won’t remember. There are days that she comes home from day care having learned a new skill and it’s like we picked up a different baby. Each time this happens, I have to get to know her all over again.

Some Things I’ve Learned from Baba

1. Nature is cruel. Babies are born with an immature digestive system, which gives them a stomach ache for at least the first three months of life.

2. When BaBa’s not happy, nobody is happy.

3. Poop up to your nipples is only a problem if you make it one.

4. A bath can absolutely be the highlight of your day.

5. I’m unbelievably lucky to share my life with such a child.

Happy Saturday, all. If you hear screaming, it’s probably because I just tried on my old pants.