Tag: hope

I know this is a very candid title and its meant to be that way. You might be thinking whaa wait but stay with me I am going somewhere with this lol. Yup, That is me Jesus’s Farting Bride” I’d like to think I gave myself that title but I believe it was inspired by Holy Spirit , He truly has a sense of humor and a lesson in everything. It all began a few months ago, okay fine if I can be honest a lot longer than that lol. after eating a heavy leafy meal I entered into the Lord’s presence to spend some quality time with him. I positioned myself nicely in my prayer closet, set the mood with my pillow, music play list and lamp for low lighting. As soon as I began to worship I felt his sweet presence, so real and so warm surrounding me. However, I couldn’t help but be distracted by the sudden stirring in my belly, as bubbles and gas swirled around withing me. As I kept thinking “no…no not right now, not in his presence please not now.” (side note: Anytime the Lord manifest his presence its like he is literally there, which he is. So I always imagine him sitting across from me Indian style or just holding me because He is..and then it happened.) I couldn’t hold it any longer and I just let it rip. Oh guys it was a long one, and they just kept coming and coming as different songs would play. I was completely embarrassed as the smell just filled up the closet, I mean utterly embarrassed. Thinking what does Jesus think of me, as I began to apologize to him shamefully. Then a break finally between the songs was an advertisement by Febreze about a husband and wife who had to clean up stinky clothes and the jingle went ” When what you love stinks, when what you love stinks”. I opened my eyes in shock realizing how indeed every present Jesus is knowing that it was from him I bust out with laughter! lol JESUS HAS A SENSE OF HUMOR!

In that moment I felt he began to speak to my heart that He doesn’t see as men sees nor does He smell like men smell. To him worship is a sweet aroma to him a fragrant offering in which he delights in. It doesn’t matter how I come to him or anyone for that matter. It made me think of the homeless, those who may be bed ridden with sores and open wounds, those who are impoverished and feel they don’t look good enough to step into a church because “man” have made it that way. We have become so carnal in nature that often judge each other according to the flesh and not the spirit. We have made the look and the culture of many congregation more important than the people that enter the building. We often times will keep people at a distance because of how they look.The homeless have experienced that too many times. Where many would keep them at an arms distance rather then hug and love on them. Further more, because of mans response to us when we are in this state we tend to think God is the same way. That you have to come to him when your cleaned up or you have to bring your Sunday’s best when you enter church. We also tend to have that same attitude with one another as believers. Where we become so fearful of people seeing our weaknesses that we began to where mask behind our struggles and easily try to keep up with others expectation of what a “strong faith filled believer” is suppose to be like. So we too don’t want anyone to smell the stench of our mess.

1 Samuel 16:7But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look at his appearance or at his physical stature, because I have [a]refused him. For[b] the Lord does not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”

What actually smells to the Lord is sin. Yup, sin before the Lord and the cloud of witness is like as he said it once in a prophetic message “its like putting your face in dog excrement” phee weew. Isaiah 65:5 They say, ‘Keep to yourself, don’t come near me, for I am too holy for you!’ These practices are smoke in My nostrils, a fire that burns all day long. So think how many people walk around looking good on the outside but before the presence of God stink terribly and how many people are judged outwardly but their hearts are a sweet fragrance before the Lord. So I want to encourage you that Jesus is so ever present whether he manifest his presence or not doesn’t change the fact that he i with you, right now in this moment. Sharing this experience you and all your experiences for that matter. He is a God that does life with us so there is no area in your life or in your past that you need to be ashamed of or hide it from him because guess what…he was there. He doesn’t judge you, condemn you or is even ashamed of you rather he encourages, approves of you and loves you deeply. I think He would also like for you not to take yourself so seriously and I’m sure would love to bring laughter to the many embarrassing moment in your life. That’s who Jesus is, the God, the bridegroom who Loves us even when we stink! lol

Romans 8:38-39
For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

I found myself what looked like in a raging storm of emotions a couple of nights ago. The waves were fierce and the wind even fiercer as I found my thoughts going into a deep deep into a dark pit. I kept telling myself Nana you have been here before don’t take your eyes of Jesus don’t take your eyes off Jesus but, it was too late. I had completely lost my peace and all I could do was cry out before him in Mercy. The enemy shot one arrow of doubt that triggered my emotions and turned into a snowball effect of me doubting if I was in Gods perfect will. This strategy is called a sucker punch, is when your doing perfectly fine going about your day and a situation, a circumstance, a word is uttered by someone or something and triggers an emotional melt down. You my friend have been sucker punched by the demons.

I began to seek God asking why frantically, is something I did and I am outside of your will? Have I missed you Lord, have I missed you? I felt like Peter was on the boat and confidently walked out to meet Jesus the minute he took his eyes on the waves he began to drown…I was drowning in my pit. Looking for answer’s all over the place because when I sat in Gods presence I got nothing. It had been a struggle for a few months to hear his voice. It was after reaching out too two dear friends of mine who put my thoughts in perspective and I began to realize…I am being tested. When the Lord is silent its because I am being tested with the storm raging all around me would I cling to his promises? With all the emotions raging in my heart I still had to go to work and counsel and encourage online with their walk in Christ. Ironic huh lol but, the Lord used one of them to encourage me. As he wrote me back saying I had helped and ministered to him greatly. He made a statement that he can now return back to Jesus because there is HOPE IN HIS LOVE and it hit me like a lightening bolt.

That was the problem I had been trying to hope in my love for Jesus for too long. If I can be honest my passion for him was dwindling and I was so weary and tired all the time. I felt like I had nothing left to give anyone because I had put hope in my love towards Jesus. I began to feel discouraged because MY love felt like it was decreasing, wasnt exciting anymore but that was just it. That is how our love for God will be sometimes conditional but when we HOPE in HIS love that is unwavering, unconditional, consistent, relentless, faithful, trustworthy, passionate (all the time), and always available. So from my pit, finally I declared my weakness and reached out to receive his love. Despite my falling terribly, giving in to the tactics of the enemy, giving in to doubt and lies against his character. Jesus loved me back to life and nursed my gaping wounds so I may rest in him as he continues to fight this battle. I finally he spoke to me in a song that kept playing in my mind ” BE STILL AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD”. So I declared yes Lord I will be still in this storm and HOPE in YOUR love for me not mine.

So do you find yourself in your own pit in the beginning of this year? The pit can be your circumstances, your own thoughts, and your emotions. That have been weighing you down heavily and you seem to not have a way out. You seem to not hear Gods voice and you don’t know where to turn, Hope in HIS love. Because He loves you he will never leave you nor forsake you, He has not forgotten you and is right there in the pit with you. He had me rewrite Romans 8:38-39 as a declaration over myself and personalize, you should too because HIS word stands!

“For I am persuaded that neither losing my job, nor losing my car, nor spiritual warfare attacks of the enemy, nor moving back to my moms house, nor the criticism of family and friends can separate me from HIS love. For God has called me, qualified me and justified me. I will hope in his love knowing that he is working it all out for my good!

So how can one be pregnant carrying something in their womb but no one notices? That’s what you call spiritual pregnancy. You see every person was sent on this earth with Gods seed of light in them. Carrying a mission and a DNA in them that they only can uniquely accomplish which is called a destiny. Many unfortunately never birth what God created them for out of fear, laziness, comfortability, distraction, pride, etc and many more down right reject Jesus…. the only one who is able to birth the missions into completion. As a believer its important we are aware of this. You are carrying a seed of heaven within you that is meant to impact not only the world but, eternity. You must first recognize that your carrying something to ensure you don’t abort it.

Psalm 22:9-10
Yet you brought me out of the womb; you made me trust in you, even at my mother’s breast. From birth I was cast on you; from my mother’s womb you have been my God.

First Trimester- the most critical (don’t turn back to the world)

So this is the month of conception when you finally say yes to Jesus to surrender all to him and make Lord of your life. The Holy Spirit comes dwell within you and bring life to the seed God has placed in you.

THE BREAKING

This was a time for me of excitement I knew I was called by the Lord but, wasnt sure for what or how he would use me. In excitement I told everyone thinking they would be excited too but realized very quickly spiritual pregnancy is not at all like physical pregnancy. Not everyone will be happy for you or even understand lol It’s okay because the conception was between you and the holy spirit. He actually is very private and loves to work behind the scenes so trust him.

In this trimester there is no number to how long the season will be. So you have to trust even when you don’t see anything growing. You must’n be moved by what people say or seek peoples validation it could cause you to turn back to the world.

Just as you would in your a physical pregnancy you have to change attitudes and create healthy habits for the baby. That’s the same with a spiritual pregnancy in this season. There will be a lot of opposition and spiritual warfare that will tempt you to give up. Don’t fall for it! You have to began some healthy habits of prayer, seeking the Lord, purity of eye, mind and body. So the Holy spirit can dwell in you fully now that your heart has become his home. So press on family you have something to birth!

Second Trimester-Growing in the things of the Lord

THE TESTING & PRUNING

People began to see something is different about you, a “glow” of course the LIGHT OF CHRIST IN YOU!

Once you pass the first trimester season it doesn’t get any easier necessarily but you do gain more trust in God and his promises. In this season you began to see some growth, some fruit showing in your life. Your growing in virtue as the Lord continues to test and prune you.

The only way you can grow is through testing and trials. Don’t be discouraged the more trials you face are opportunities for accelerated maturity in Christ.

In this season I began to grow in my faith as Jesus began to answer prayers. He just left me in awe of him. I began to be sure of my identity in Christ not by what he did through me or even what others said but by His words. I knew I was carrying something in me and was excited to see what God had planned.’ In this season i really learned about suffering and laying down my life for the Lord in order for him to trust me with the gift that is inside of me.

I realized in this season Jesus began to trust me! He trusted me with revelation, secret of his heart and direction. He would ask of me to do things for him to see if I would be obedient and faithful in the small things. So press on family you have something to birth!

Third Trimester-Birth pains (persevere don’t give up, don’t abort)

THE BREAKING, THE TESTING, THE PRUNING, THE WORKING, THE SUFFERING, & DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN lol

Don’t complain began to praise God for what he is about to birth in you. Let your faith arise in expectancy for what your hoping for even if you don’t see!

In this trimester/season people can testify of the work God is doing in you and even the vision God has but, many wont understand the process….I tell you too preserver. Don’t give in to people’s criticism or praise for it will be to your ruin. Unshakable faith is looking only for praise and or correction of God alone. He alone has a just viewpoint of your heart and knows your motive.

In this season God will continue to break you in areas you thought you were strengthen, test you further by stretching you, prune more layers in your heart, allow you to suffer in various ways all while doing work for him. In order to see if you truly desire to live for him and him alone.

You may have a vision or a knowing of the mission the Lord has within you but all the pieces haven’t come together yet. However, you see his footprints in the different steps he has taken you on to get you prepared and ready.

I am in that season now and I believe its the most critical because so much going on around you spiritually for the birth of what God has in you. Many times the Lord will put you on bed rest (a waiting period, where you have to endure patiently until the mission is ready to be birth) In this period is where you will get opinions from everyone else about what you should and shouldn’t be doing. Many people questioning your walk or vision with the Lord because they don’t see the “baby” but you must preserver. Trust in what God has spoken to you and know that this is a vital time to listen and walk closely with Jesus. To preserver in obedience to him and him alone. One wrong choice could cause you delay and leave you murmuring on in the wilderness until death like the Israelites. So endure patiently family something great is about to birth in you for his glory!!!

Jeremiah 1:5“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart

I found myself this weekend kind of avoiding my alone time with the Lord as my heart and mind were swarming with thoughts of discouragement, frustration, weariness, discontent, and confusion. For the past couple of days I have been having difficulty in hearing from the Lord clearly and I would seek him for a rhema word yet not really understand what he was directing me to do. I was getting words from him about “Laziness” twice in a row (eeeh I hate getting that besides sin and pride, makes me cringe) The rhema book provided scriptures on slothfulness so anytime the Holy Spirit gives me laziness it definitively not a good thing. He then also gave me rhemas about specifically being given priceless gifts from heaven and I need to use them or on that day before the Lord I will have many sorrows. So I felt the Holy Spirit telling me I am being passive or lazy about work, ministry work to be exact. Not utilizing my gifts for the kingdom with the time he has given me. The confusion came because I am not working at this time which I strongly believe was a commission from the Lord to trust him to open the door to the place he wants me at and not just any job. Then he gave me another rhema of “Submitting to Authority” I began to see how serious he was thinking what have I missed because I have been patiently waiting for 8 months, so getting this word twice threw me in a spat of confusion. Which of course opened the door to the enemies oppression.

James 4:7 Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.

I began to entertain lies from the enemy and get in my flesh. I found myself complaining and honestly being frustrated with the Lord ( I know) but, I was. It has been difficult this season being back home believing it was God’s will. Babysitting watching my nieces pretty mush the whole half of the day whiles my sister works. Then trying to squeeze ministry work in late at night even staying up way into the AM just to get things done. So as I began to resist the Lords admonishments I opened my heart to receive all the arrows of the enemy saying ” I missed God”, “whats the point”, “everything I am doing is in vain anyway” “what I am doing is not good enough”, “He was the one who told you to come here so how can he expect you to be focused in this environment”. Yes I began to entertain all these thoughts and lies, as I did I began to run to food for comfort as well in the midst of my fast, just feeling like throwing in the towel to give up already. Thoughts of overwhelming sadness, my heart hurting, disappointment grief, and condemnation came over me. So I knew I had to rush into prayer to repent, ask the Lord to clean my heart but I had been avoiding this the whole day. I knew Jesus doesn’t condemn but, I kept thinking oh how I bet he will be disappointment and I deserve this oppression and to be honest I just didn’t feel like praying .

(SIDE NOTE: SPIRITUAL WARFARE 101 Whenever in your walk with the Lord you don’t feel like praying that’s when you NEED TO PRAY all that the more!)

However, when I finally stop fighting my flesh and got into prayer so I can pour my heart out before the Lord in tears. I saw a picture impression upon my heart, of course it wasnt a mad God who had his finger pointing at me saying “how could you”, I am mad at you, or even disappointment. No, I saw Jesus with the sweetest smile just waiting and before I could say or do anything I felt him say “Come hear” and he held me ever so tightly so close to his heart as my head was under his chin. All I could do was began to cry and cry. After a few of him holding me I wanted to let go and look him in the face and he wouldn’t let me as if to say. Its okay, just rest hear don’t be so quick to do anything but just stay right here and He held me even more tightly with the greatest compassion and love. I was like Jesus I don’t deserve this, and he said your right you don’t but its my mercy and love for you, that will never change. We had the sweetest communion and of course the Holy Spirit picked the best songs about falling short, stumbling into sin and the last to not give up!

I realized in prayer that I had been walking in a posture of entitlement before the Lord which the root is all pride. That in giving my whole life to the Lord and upon walking in obedience in the midst of this suffering I deserved some things and If they were not coming I had every right to be frustrated. I couldn’t believe how nasty my heart was, wow that I felt entitled. I felt the holy spirit tell me “We don’t deserve his goodness or his judgment”. Wow, we don’t deserve neither, when the Lord saves us, transforms us and even reveals himself to us its all by his mercy. We don’t deserve any of that and when we walk in condemnation, guilt or shame and we believe or the enemy tells us we deserve consequences that’s a lie because we don’t deserve that either. Jesus took upon the cross all of these things so we can walk free freedom as a son or daughter of God without condemnation. How many Christians feel that way in their hearts sometimes and both thoughts make us run away from God rather than too him. The beautiful thing is what we are entitled too as Christians is Free grace, mercy, love, compassion, and companionship because of the sacrifice and blood of our sweet Jesus! SO RUN TO HIM NOT FROM HIM, YOU ARE FORGIVEN!

Coming back from Kenya I found myself for about a week drowning in what felt like despair, discouragement, confusion and even depression. I was still at my sisters house with no direction and no clear answer from the Lord as to where to move too. I had felt all these emotions before, I had been down this road and I didn’t want to go there again.

Going to Kenya helped me get my mind off of my current situation. Still staying at my sisters house fighting this fit of patience….waiting….waiting on the Lord to give direction to make sense of it all. Him telling me to move yet finding that way detoured for… a moment. Coming back of that high I was sure he would then finally speak as to what to do next but I felt I was getting was silence. Furthermore, to find out that my sister’s lease is now also up and she too has to be out by the end of this month . I was waking up having no drive, no motivation, no direction and my alone time with the Lord in the morning was feeling empty. I was being pelted with some many fiery arrows from the enemy that I was a loser, a bum, useless and worse of that this walk with the Lord has caused me to be a “burden” to the family. LIES, LIES, LIES. I kept getting question like what are you going to do, why dont you just get a job, when are you going to move, when are you getting a car? How could I explain that I now move when the Lord says move, I go where he tells me when he tells me, I work where he wants me to work and I use my money how he tells me…..but He just hasn’t said anything yet. Who would understand, to be honest I didn’t understand but I am learning that Trust in God has too supersedes my many whys.

Finally the Lord spoke, I had to repent of my bitter attitude, my unbelief, my ungratefulness, my frustration and my selfishness as he has called me to carry MY cross and follow him. Whatever may come trusting him and abandoning myself to his will that His promises are true, He is good and faithful. Jesus asked me “would you continue to follow and trust me despite what your family thinks, despite what people say, despite how you feel and what you see will you trust me”? I said “Yes Lord“. He reminded me to began counting my blessings for all that he had done and how far he has brought me since I surrendered to him and most importantly to be thankful for all that I do have. I felt him telling me that he has me hidden, for his use and that I may not know how he is using this time to build his kingdom but he is. He is using this time to build me in deep quite trust, faith, perseverance , endurance, peace and patience in him for the journey ahead.

I was reminded how many times we get frustrated with the Lord because of waiting, because of detours, roadblocks, and closed doors we feel like we are ready to walk through. How many times we get anxious in waiting on his promises for ministry, for marriage, in our families, in our careers, in our finances, or the work he promised to do in our heart. He has us hidden that’s all, and its a beautiful thing to be hidden by God for His purpose, for his use and for His timing, which is always perfect. In prayer I felt on my heart him say ” Just like you I kept David and Moses hidden. I was kept hidden by My Father for 30 years for only 3 years of public ministry. Premature public ministry could ruin you. In the hiddenness David learned my faithfulness, my strength and my power which caused him to worship me because of who I AM. In the hiddenness Moses learned my heart, my heart for mere sheep and my patience. He truly learned how I leave the 99 for that one. Which made him into a great shepherd for the sheep of Israel. I too had to learn in the hiddenness of my Father. I learned obedience and quite trust in his perfect will. Therefore in Gethsemane I was able to say not my will but yours be done”. So learning to trust the Lord in my hiddenness that He is in fact right here with me as I am learning to abandon myself daily to his will and trust that He has the answers. So when he wants me to know, I will know where to go, when to move, and what to do.

These past few weeks had been some rough trials mostly just in my heart. For a moment I found myself taking my eyes off of Jesus yet again and looking at the waves and storms. Which caused me to anguish, fear and then just doubt in all that God had spoken to me. Before me I saw many deadlines, but I am reminded before Him , He sees a timeline where his purpose supersedes my deadlines and becomes a testimony!

I fund myself having my unemployment end in 2 weeks, my mission trip funding having to be paid in full at the end of this month, and my lease being up next month. I began to seek God about direction and what he wanted me to do. After many days of no clear answer I began to get anxious again as I began to entertain other peoples opinions as to what they think I should do because I took my eyes off of Jesus and all that he promised me. However, finally the Lord spoke to me about a job he wants me to apply for and I did Monday but now just waiting again lol You know just this morning I was thanking the Lord that he answered a prayer of mine. I remember the day I was released from my job I spent about 3 hours of the most sweetest time with him. I said in my heart “That I wish I waste working so I could spend all day with Jesus” and he gave me exactly what I asked for lol However, now with only 2 weeks left of income I am savoring each day thanking him for giving me such an amazing opportunity to get to know him more. That’s what He spoke to me “the reason he had me lose my job so I could know him more”

Then furthermore to my mission trip I am now at 66% percent with funding 100 percent from donors since I am not working right now. I am just amazed at Gods faithfulness thus far that I had no plan or no intention of going because once again I was looking at my circumstances that the God of the impossible that I serve. I found out about the trip the day of the deadline for submission with no funds to put the deposit however, he had a friend of mine call me and pay it all. He truly is faithful so I believe it is his will he will provide. One think I told him is that He has to come through because if not it will make him look bad lol So I am now sitting back and expecting to be in awe of Him!

Psalm 25: 3No one who trust in you will ever be put to shame, but shame will come on those who are treacherous without cause.

Lastly with my lease being up for renewal not sure whether he wants me to stay here or not just waiting on Him to get clarity on that. In the meantime I realize how everyone one of these trials and the many in between have drawn me closer to Jesus. He did mention the word for this year would be ‘child-like Trust” oh how that has been so true. He has been reminding me a child who is buckled in their booster seat in their parents car doesn’t question where their going, how long it takes to get there, doesn’t even really prepare for the trip because the parents have that all covered. They just sit back and enjoy the ride as the parents take care of ever direction maneuver, detour, filling up gas, travel expenses, clothing and food for this trip. So that’s what Jesus does when we to surrender our wills to him completely as little children trusting our Heavenly Father will and has already taken car of every need in this adventure called Life as we just have to sit back and enjoy the ride with its road bumps, curves, detours and all. Trials will always lead to trust if you allow God to have his way and believe in his promises despite what you see or experience. As I know anxiously wait with great expectation for His timeline to supersede my deadlines and turn into an amazing testimony!

Yesterday I got to witness first hand how real the spiritual battle for a territory, for a soul and for a life. As a young man whom I got the opportunity to lead into a prayer of salvation immediately after was pursued by an armed robber and shot right before my eyes…….will you say “yes” to what God is calling you to, where He is calling you and yes despite the opposition, your fears and uncomfortably?

Isaiah 6:8 Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?” And I said, “Here am I. Send me!”

I had got a vision a month prior where I was sharing the gospel accross the street with a crowd of young man but I thought that was going to be far off in the near future….I should know by now when Jesus shows me something He desires for me to be obdeint and act on that lol So two weeks ago I found myself with no car, virus on my computer and still no job having absoultely nothing to do wondering what is going on Lord. Then Jesus spoke to me about my desire for missions and that he needed me to be obedient that accross the street was my mission feild and I do have a job working for Him and beiing about his business. Sharing the Gospel and his love to everyone in that area.. The neighborhood I live in is fairly nice however, I live next to a convenint store an noticed alot of males would linger there and at the carwash. I noticed from time to time I would get approached if I wanted to buy weed and knew the presence of God was needed there.

However on Wednesday I was feeling discouraged because since evangelizing no one had given their lives to Jesus, but many received prayer. Furthermore, there had been of a lot of unusual opposition. One of owners of the car wash told me to leave his property and stop talking to everyone, another mother cussed her children out for praying with me saying they knew Jesus already, another couple in a car was fist fighting whiles driving passed, like I said unusual but I realize now it was high level warfare. So toward the end of the day I stand at the front of the convenient store asking anyone for prayer. When a young man came up to me and asked if I had a rubber band for a wand of money he had I told him I had something better, Jesus. He looked completely broken with a lot on his mind. He began to state his whole life story of how he had ran after money, drug dealing and had it all and was completely empty. That he was tired, and he was on the run from a lifestyle he wanted to leave behind. He said he never had a father and his mother always chased after man so never knew love, He is now at a point where he is not afraid to die and he knew that was a bad place. He proceeded stat he didn’t know How God could love him or forgive him if his own parents left him and he couldn’t forgive himself . I shared Gods love, the Gospel and he broke down in tears giving his life to the Lord right then and there. He said he felt so relieved and had never cried before like that and wanted to stay in contact, that today he would throw the drugs and his guns away. We exchange info as I told him about connecting him with other believers . So I left headed for my apt but I turned around one last time to wave and say goodbye when a young man came up to him seeing a slight scuffle as the man asked for money… then heard a gunshot. I was dumbfounded the young man who just gave his life to the Lord got shot. the shooter ran off but my new found friend was shot in the leg as I ran to help him.

Soon The ambulance came and so did the cops….They caught the shooter and the young man was rushed to the hospital. Two things could’ve have happen after witnessing this. I could’ve coward in fear thinking its to dangerous to evangelize or too traumatized to continue to reach out to others across the street but Gods grace it way to sufficient for me! lol I knew the enemy was so mad and I may not being seeing the results but God indeed is doing something over there. I believe that prayer protected that young man from death and what the enemy intended. So at that very moment I knew why God had said that was my mission field, why it was necessary for me to be there, to preserve and not cower in fear and why most importantly why this young man had to give his life to the Lord…the enemy was waiting, but God had and always is ahead of him…. I travailed in tears and in prayer last night for not only this area but for the young man of our generation who the enemy is sifting like wheat left and right. Praying asking the Lord to send more labors to get more “Christians” “ministers” “pastors” out of the church buildings and pulpits into the neighborhood and go OUT into the community to grab our brothers snatch them from the destruction they are headed too. I could’ve done two things after witnessing this cower in fear and ….Jesus answered my prayer.. last night as I went out again today meeting a pastor and a son who were in the process negotiating for space to begin a church!! So I ask you, if you are a christian…will you say YES thats all the Lord is looking for someone who will say YES and Go to your next door neighbor, across the street, to your job, at the grocery store? As a believer you are a missionary a pilgrim here on this earth passing through called to make Jesus known wherever you go. WILL YOU SAY YES?!

Matthew 11:12And from the days of John the Baptist until now the kingdom of heaven suffers violence, and the violent take it by force.

I know valentines day has passed but wanted to share a sweet moment that I had that day. 3 years ago began my covenant relationship with Jesus I didn’t know what true love was until I surrendered my desire to be loved to him. Since then he has captured my heart, my body, my mind and soul. Truly the God that we serve is so gentle, so tender, so loving, so gracious, so good, so funny, so faithful, and so steadfast. He indeed has become my everything. You see before surrendering to the Lord I didn’t know you could be this intimate with him, I thought he was just a distant God who watched over us, answered prayer and got upset if we did something wrong but that is so far from the truth lol. The saddest part is many people see Jesus this way because they have allowed Man, religion….and I hate to say it the Church, Christians and even pastors to show them who God is rather than looking at Jesus life to be a true reflection of the heart and nature of the one true God!

So all of this in my heart prompted me to share my relationship with two other young ladies who then decided to give themselves wholeheartedly to Jesus in a covenant relationship on Valentines day. We had our church young adults ministry and we held a short but sweet wedding ceremony. Where three of my friends bought purity rings and vowed to keep themselves for Jesus until their marriage. It was so awesome. We all had vows we wrote to Jesus and had witnesses to hold us accountable. I am now excited to do this journey with my friends and many others who are now beginning to desire intimacy with God and take their walk with Jesus seriously! These are photos of my friends below…as the Beyoncé song goes “If you like what you see put a ring on it”…well Jesus did lol!

So here go my marriage vows to the King of My heart Jesus after 3 long years of marriage lol: Jesus, we have been through so much together. The first two years was the most difficult I had many thoughts of doubt and even divorce at moments but, your relentless patience, love, gentleness, and faithfulness held me together. You continue to make me feel like I am the only woman in all the world that you love. You have made me stronger, better, you have encouraged me to get out of my comfort zone. You have been my anchor, my rock, and my protector when fear has set in. You have never left my side when many times I have wandered. You have never lusted for another when many times my eyes and my heart has wandered. You are indeed made just for me and I just for you. You have taught me the love and beauty in submission and seeking your wisdom in every decision as my life partner. You have comforted me in the most darkest moments. You held me together when no one else could. My tears are liquid words that you only can read and understand. You have gone before me in all things and as my rear and front guard you have hedged me finely. You are indeed the true lover of my soul. You have shown me love that surpasses anything of this world. Your presence is something I cherish may I never take it for granted. I consecrate myself to you my love on this day. I give you my body, my heart, my soul, my mind to be fully yours. I vow to stick this out through thick and thing for all of eternity. I vow to always make you the first person I talk to in the morning and the last at night. I vow to be your help mate, laying down my life to help you build your kingdom. To cover your mission and purpose in prayer. I vow to defend, stand up and be unashamed of you and who you are to me. I vow to share you with others because this is the only marriage you have graced to be and “open marriage”. I vow to take care of our children and family. Jesus I love you take this strong-willed, hotmess of a girl to be your bride!

Isaiah 62:5 As a young man marries a young woman, so will your Builder marry you; as a bridegroom rejoices over his bride, so will your God rejoice over you.

As a believer living in this time we have the most beautiful grace to know Jesus even more intimately because we are his “Bride” that goes for you to guys 🙂 . The Church is the bride of Christ but since were individual members and our bodies are his temple we too are individual are his bride. In my season of singleness I have come to know and love Jesus as my hubby before my physical hubby comes! lol He has taught me submission, trusting in him, consecrating my body to him alone, seeking him for wisdom before I make any major decisions, helping me be a good steward of my time so we have time for each other, going on dates with him and including him in every aspect of my life. Jesus has truly been preparing me for marriage and teaching me what it means to be an Ephesians 5 Wife, A Titus 2 and A Proverbs 31 woman. You don’t have to wait start or grow in these attributes ladies when you get a husband start now with the Lover of your soul, Jesus!. Marriage is suppose to be a reflection of your relationship with Jesus anyway! Its been amazing and He is the Perfect Husband lol

So its our anniversary!, yes the day I finally surrendered completely control to the one who deserves control Jesus! lol It was 3 years ago on January 1, 2014 I remember I was at my little sisters house and I had been toiling with this decision for a couple of weeks now. After receiving a prophetic word from two different people confirming God wanted me to lay down my event business, clothing line and desire to move to NY in order to follow MY dreams instead now to follow HIM. That was a tough and scary decision as I was on the couch I just prayed I believe the most sincere prayer as I told him “that I was scared to let go and give him complete control but I would do it” Immediately after I said that prayer my phone had a notification the bible verse of the day and it was:

Isaiah 41:10Don’t be afraid for I am with youDon’t be discouraged for I am your GodI will strengthen you and help youI will lift you up with my victorious right hand

I remember then running to my sisters room with the phone in the palm of my hand shaking in shock saying ” Omg he answered me, he answered me” with excitement lol
In all honesty I had made a commitment in my heart to give complete control over to Jesus for about a year to see what he could do lol. Well we see who won and who will always win…Oh ye of little faith, that was truly me.

Now 3 years later what can I say about my beloved bridegroom Jesus, he indeed has become my everything. He once said to me that “if I don’t know him and his ways how can I then walk in my assignment and calling”. He has indeed been faithful in showing me my true identity, my purpose and has filled every void and cleaned up every throne in my heart that I had. He not only King of my heart but of my life, my decisions, my thoughts, and reactions. I didn’t know how lost I was until He found me! That’s what I love about him drawing me into intimacy . I have realized Jesus desires this relationship with all his children. That’s what the cross did for all those who will and do believe in Jesus. It restores back to your true identity as a son and daughter of God. Having fellowship and communion with him daily which is available to anyone who would believe and surrender their whole life that Christ would live through you as his disciple and bride.

You see I was a believer but not a disciple and definitely not a bride. I hadn’t fully surrendered, I had the holy spirit around me but he wasn’t indwelling within me. That’s the beauty in surrender, you give up what wasn’t yours in the first place……your life because Jesus Christ died for all men and in him alone you have life.We have been through so much together it truly feels like a marriage not even kidding lol Now as his bride and disciple I know what that scripture means to be a submitted wife:

Ephesians 5:22Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord

Ooooh how I have learned and still learning the true meaning of submission unto the Lord. Its difficult at times for sure because its crucifying your flesh and truly DIE to yourself completely which is all by Gods grace and his work in us. He indeed has and is preparing me for marriage…Heeey now! lol I went through my old journals to look back at the many things I didn’t know and have come to know now walking with the Lord these past 3 years.

What I have learned about being the bride of Christ:

Its soooooo rewarding!

I was sent by God here on this earth to testify of him and be a witness to the light that’s inside of me…Jesus! John 1

He dwells in my heart so I have to keep it pure

Obedience, Obedience, Obedience lol oh and Trust, Trust, Trust hehe

I am the highlight of his day! (we all are actually !)

I have the same grace to walk just like Jesus did on this earth!

The fastest way to His heart is through worship, he literally shows up and something supernatural happens!

It is difficult, it will cost you everything for the word say “narrow and difficult is the way that leads to life and few go there in” Matthew 7:14

Your life calls for complete abandonment to self-desires, motives, plans, strengths and complete surrender to the Lord

This intimacy is available to everyone who desires it….”seek him UNTIL you find him” Jeremiah 29:13

Giving up is not an option, to take Jesus hands when things get difficult and allow him to carry me

That we all have the ability to actually hear and see Jesus in the spirit! Matthew 5:8

Jesus loves to dance, He is so tender, sensitive, funny, and so loving!

That my life should always be to raise others up around me than myself

The greatest power on earth is LOVE and he has given all his brides a gift of love

I have been called to a life of suffering, rejection and death (to self) just like my beloved Christ

That I am called to look just like Christ I will be persecuted, accused, made fun of, rejected, scorned, talked about….that’s all normal because that’s when I look most like him

He uses the worst situation and people to test my heart in love, patience and charity

My Enemies are a gift from him and not enemies at all. He uses them to purify me so I should bless them and be thankful instead

The more difficult and dark the situation or person the better because the light in me can shine brighter

He has given me charge over the angels of heaven, I can command their assistance in anything….I love the angels! Matthew 28:18

I am called to love others to Christ

To be humble, to little, to be the least, to be overlooked, to become a beggar for his sake is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven

To always gives thanks in everything…..I mean everything

So have you been feeling a pull on your heart this year 2017, to finally surrender ALL to the Lord. Not just surrender your Sundays by going to church and maybe even Wednesdays for bible study but no surrender all that you are. Surrender your heart, your life, and dreams completely to the one who is in control of ALL things, to the one who created the universe, to the one who has ALL authority over heaven and earth and most importantly to the one that died for you that you may live…..in him, Jesus. I am telling you surrender it all to him, surrender this year to him and stand back, let go of control, watch and be in awe at what he does in and with your life!