Would being better looking reduce social anxiety

I am a very androgynous female and the fact that I look so masculine adds a great deal of anxiety to my plate. I think that if I was more feminine and was a pretty girly girl, that I would have more confidence and feel like I fit into the box which society tries to make everyone fit into. I'm so outside the box when it comes to what is typically expected of by a female in our society, that I feel very anxious about it.

Even though, I don't just want to grow my hair long and start dressing girly (because that's not me and I would be even more depressed if I had to be something that I'm not like that). I just wish that I was naturally a girly girl, but instead I have just always been a tomboy.

Well, I think not being ugly would help me a lot in several different ways but I don't necessarily think that it would take away my social anxiety, at least not completely. I just wish I had a pretty face, and I see anything but that, it's disgusting to me. I hate much of everything else to, but I can deal with all that, I simply can't accept my face for what it is, and I hate that. I think being pretty would give me more confidence and definitely help me to get outside more and reduce that constant fear of having people looking at me. I don't think it would take away my shyness but it would probably lessen my extreme obsession with my appearance. That in itself would lift a lot of weight off my shoulders. Too bad I'll never find out what kind of difference it'd bring me .

Well, I think not being ugly would help me a lot in several different ways but I don't necessarily think that it would take away my social anxiety, at least not completely. I just wish I had a pretty face, and I see anything but that, it's disgusting to me. I hate much of everything else to, but I can deal with all that, I simply can't accept my face for what it is, and I hate that. I think being pretty would give me more confidence and definitely help me to get outside more and reduce that constant fear of having people looking at me. I don't think it would take away my shyness but it would probably lessen my extreme obsession with my appearance. That in itself would lift a lot of weight off my shoulders. Too bad I'll never find out what kind of difference it'd bring me .

Basically everything I was going to say. I can wish all I want but im never going to be any better looking.Nothing more than a dream.

If you're better looking, you have a higher self esteem (only if you think you're good looking). Higher self esteem would cross out SA, thus, making way for successful social interactions.
Also, being good looking or not is sorta controversial. You might think you're not good looking, but the majority of the people around might think you look great.

I don't think it would help. It might help self-consciousness, but it also might worsen it, as you'll find yourself being ogled more often and, in turn, feel like you're being judged and/or watched. For SA, I don't think it would help at all, as there's many absolutely lovely-looking people are this site who still are affected.

I will say that if being good looking eliminated SA then there would be no good looking people who have SA problems. I've met women before who were good looking and they had SA so they are kind of proof that SA is still an issue for good looking people if they are naturally shy.

It depends. If you have good social skills to accompany your beauty, then I think it helps to reduce social anxiety. But, if you are good looking without good social skills, then being good looking does not reduce anxiety and can even backfire on you. The main thing is you gotta know how to use that beauty of yours to work in your favor. For example, there are pretty women who use their brain and their charms to get what they want from others.

No. I'd feel like I'm worth nothing if people started to like me only for my looks.

I wouldn't think you could fix SA by changing the outside if the anxiety came from the inside. Unless you understood where the low self-esteem came from in the first place wouldn't you continue to think whatever body/clothing/makeup configuration you're in is not good enough for the outside world? Let's say you walk out the door and you think you look the best you've ever looked, wouldn't one single troll comment pull that apart?

Maybe looking at what social situations mean to you would provide insight? Do you have SA because you worry you won't be accepted by others or does going out in large crowds make you constantly sense everyone else's ugly character traits? The difference is the feeling of not being accepted by others comes from your own internal gauge while feeling uncomfortable being in the midst of a lot of outside dysfunction is a natural reaction to other people's baggage being forced on you. That's why I shop during the 3:00AM hour - I can't deal with the toxic nature of the people in the area I live in.

Additionally, we also live in a time when nationally (USA) it has become acceptable to throw a tantrum like a two year old if people don't share your views. For the power hungry of the world cheating any way you can to get money and control seems to be the order of the day. Abusively telling others that if they don't think exactly as you've demanded they do they are socially unacceptable pulls the fabric of our society apart (it's like having someone else's toxic relationship affect you).

There are so many outside influences, it's amazing we are able to cope as we are.

Quote:

Originally Posted by coyote

as i get older, and my anxiety lessens
i find that i keep getting better looking
or maybe my self esteem keeps improving
it's hard to tell

At my age (53) I find I don't care what people think any more. When you've met so many people in dysfunctional relationships and watched them explode it makes you really consider whether you want to include yourself in an unbalanced society. Peace of mind is wonderful thing to experience.

For whoever asked about looking good, I found when I was proportionally sized and well dressed, men just wanted to own and control me. I've had more meaningful, respectful relationships being overweight.

I was reading a magazine the other day that had an interview with Melissa McCarthy, who played the not-so-attractive character in Bridesmaids. They asked her a couple of questions that her answers to really made me admire her all the more. I need to adopt her outlook on life!

On-screen you're fearless about your sexuality: that SNL sketch where you played Arlene, crazily hitting on her coworker...and of course, Bridesmaids.

One of my favorite things is playing someone who's utterly confident -- even if they're, just, like, wrong. They're off the beaten track. They're not polished or perfect, but they're so solid in their shoes. They're having the time of their life. And I always think, Now, that's someone who's interesting. They don't give a s--- what they're supposed to be, or how they're supposed to look. I find them mesmerizing. I think there's greatness in not caring what other people think.

You seem to have that same freedom, living life on your own terms.

A lot of people like to see celebrities perfectly put together. What's more interesting to me is the woman at Walmart who's happy in her cat sweater -- someone who just doesn't follow the rules, but is like, "I love what I'm wearing. I love who I am." As I get older I hope that's me. I hope I'm the weird one in, say, a plaid jumpsuit in my 80s, just enjoying my life.

I love that line she used. It's so rare to hear someone say they want to be weird.

I guess I can relate because I'm always the weird one. It's refreshing to know that someone else out there who a lot of people like has the outlook of "What's so bad about being weird?"

I mean really.....society just doesn't get it. They have this robotic sheep thing going on where everyone needs to fit their "normal" image. It's nice to hear from the minority that think we should just be who we are.

The times in my life when I was really on top...Feeling great, & my complexion was perfect... Nice hair and clothes...
When I was younger, being stared at made my SA symptoms much worse. Amplified everything, made me feel put on the spot. I used to get angry at times, been called a bitch for that. Wasn't their fault, people couldn't possibly understand what the stress was doing to me.

Then I'd actually feel guilty for wanting to look good and feel good. People seem to want to punish you for that. Or, at least, that was how I felt back then...

It hasn't been an issue in recent years... Maybe because my perception has changed some, perhaps it's just age.

Okay, I gave it a go, the best I could do is using logic symbols, and I may have done it wrong. You decide if it counts

~(A ∵B)
B ∵A
~A ≠~B
⋄ ~B=~A
So, (focus on) ~B

Run down of symbols
~ Negation (not)
∵ because (the cause of)
⋄ it is possible that

I think using proof by contrapositive is the best method to use here.

Statement: If I am better looking, then my social anxiety will be reduced.

p: I am better looking.
q: My social anxiety will be reduced.

We need to prove that p => q (p implies q). We will use proof by contrapositive and use ~q => ~p, which is an equivalent form of p => q.

New statement: If my social anxiety is not reduced, then I am not better looking.

~q: My social anxiety is not reduced.
~p: I am not better looking.

Suppose that ~q is true. In order for ~q => ~p to be true, ~p must be true at all times.

If your social anxiety is not reduced, does it mean that you are not better looking? The answer is trivial: no. Therefore, ~q => ~p is false, which means that p => q is false by definition of contrapositive.

So, being better looking does not imply that your social anxiety will be reduced. Your SA can improve one day and you can still look the same as you do now, just like you can magically become the most beautiful person in the world and still have the same level of SA.

A lot of people tell me that I'm extremely handsome and follow up with flattering comments, but even though I find it flattering, it still doesn't boost my confidence. I think that people who use their good looks to feel self sufficient have a screed perception of reality and need to look deeper into life. It's a lie to yourself if you believe that good looks will bring you happiness. It's flattering, but not entirely useful. Unless you are a model, in which case you can make money by looking good. Even so, a lot of models are still unhappy and probably don't make enough money. It all depends on the situation.
Anyway, my answer is no.