There was a time in the not too distant past when “I’ve decided to spend more time with my family,” was Republispeak for Retreat! Retreat!

Once a Grand Old Partyer uttered those fateful words, you knew it was only a matter of days before he’d scurry away from the hot glare of the camera lights and all those unpleasant questions about the goat. And the big tub of margarine.

Sure, it must be hard to give up on all the power, the perks. But given the choice between heading for the hills or sticking around to face more questions about the three disabled Girl Scouts and the feather dusters, you’d have it away on your toes. Also.

It’s a shame none of the scandal-plagued fRighties ever asked super genius and dedicated [skirt] hiker Governor Mark Sanford (R-Gentina) what he’d do if he’d been caught frolicking in a pool of Jell-O with half a dozen ostriches and the cast from Cats. He could have told them how to keep their jobs, but not do their jobs because … They need to spend more time with their families [via The Sun News*]:

Gov. Mark Sanford said he is leaving the state today for a two-week European vacation with his wife and four sons.

Sanford said Wednesday the trip has been long-scheduled as a last family getaway. The Sanfords’ oldest son will leave for college next year.

…

Sanford said he considered canceling the trip, but that his children had raised money to help pay for the excursion by selling lemonade. [See? He’s thinking of the children. Take that dirty homo-libs! – ed.]

…

Another reason for the trip, the governor said, was to get the children away from the constant media coverage of the revelation of his affair and its aftermath. [European reporters will have no interest in a scandal-plagued American neo-con politician. And a mermaid just flew out of my ass – ed.]

The article also notes that Sanford has worked 15 of 25 days since he returned from his [hem-hem] fact finding trip to Argentina. And this vacation began a few days after he got back from a 5-day vacation with his wife.

Sheer. Genius.

He fucked around and then transformed a total fuck up into an excuse to fuck around some more! He still gets the paycheck, the power, the perks, but when asked to work, he can point to the family: “What are you, crazy? I can’t work now. I have to spend time with my family! I’ll see you in … three weeks. Better make it four. My family needs me.”

Maybe next he’ll strangle the family pet and stop working at all while he helps his family get through the grieving process.