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May 12, 2010

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America's Youth Shocked To Find Out Murphy Was Once A Bad-AssEvansville,
IA (CHN): Sixteen year old Skyler Mathis stumbled upon what seemed to
be some sort of alternate universe when she uncovered her parents old
VHS collection. Most notable were the apparent Eddie Murphy movies '48
Hours', 'Trading Places', and 'Coming to America'. Mathis (thinking the
movies were the typical 'G' rated garbage that she was accustomed to
seeing Murphy in) put the movies on while she babysat 10 year old
neighbor Mathew Gruden.

Young
Mathew and babysitter Skyler had no idea that they were about to begin
a six-hour adventure of raucous comedy, sexual fantasy, and edgy race
baiting mischief.

"For years I have been bored to tears with
movies like 'Shrek' and 'Daddy Day Care', said pre-teen Mathew. Now I
realize that Eddie Murphy was once a hardcore S.O.B.... who woulda
thought?"

Upon returning home Mathew's parents were put into the
same awkward position that many of adults today face on a regular
basis: 'How to explain what the fuck went wrong with Eddie Murphy's
career'. Dr. James Dobson of 'Focus on the Family' fame has dealt with
the issue from parents from across the country and referred CHN to a press release from his website:

The
degradation of Eddie Murphy's work as an A-list actor of fulfilling
movies to a shit-can voice over artist and two bit kiddie flick pusher
is a difficult topic for Christian families. The message however is
increasingly clear: Engaging in promiscuous sexual behavior in the back
seat of a car with drugged up tranny always results in one losing their
sense of reality, dignity, and the most basic intrinsic professional
value of right vs. wrong... I think 'The Haunted Mansion' is a good
example, that really sucked.For
most families the transition of exposing children to an Eddie Murphy
worth watching is shaky and unpredictable. Dobson recommends that
"...the best method is an impromptu after school showing of Eddies 1987
Classic 'Raw'. The 46 uses of "motherfucker" should ease America's
youngsters towards a reasonable understanding of what Eddie use to be
for all of us.