‘The Hobbit’ Makes An Unexpected Journey To Denny’s

Middle Earth! Land of magic, wonder and uh…pancake puppies? And cookie milk shakes? Yeah, that’s right — there apparently aren’t many restaurant options on the path to Lonely Mountain, because Bilbo is going to goddamn Denny’s.

Pop a few Tums and hit the jump for a peek at the menu and a TV commercial…

Believe it or not, the “Fried Cheese Melt” isn’t one of Sauron’s dark creations — Denny’s thought up a grilled cheese sandwich with mozzarella sticks in it all on its own.

Yup, you can build your own Hobbit Slam with “Shire Sausage”. I can’t even bring myself to make a proper sodomy joke.

Haha, good one Denny’s, except come on — you know none of your customers would actually be offended by what the old woman said. That would require them to be both literate and not completely stoned/numb to the world.