Tuesday, July 10, 2012

The Ultimate Roundabout Survival Vehicle

My wife and I are considering the purchase of a different vehicle. Because we are on the Dave Ramsey Debt-Free Plan, that means that we are saving up to pay cash--so it will be awhile before we are ready to buy. Right now, we are debating whether to go with another small, used SUV or another used, four-door car. But after my experience while returning from lunch yesterday, I'm going to change the choices to a bulldozer or a tank.

I was heading south on Washburn Street in the left-hand lane when I came to the roundabout at Witzel Avenue. As traffic to the left cleared, I pulled into the roundabout to make a LEGAL maneuver--continuing south on Washburn. A brown pickup truck to my right entered the roundabout at the same time. Because of the way the pickup driver gunned it, I just got the feeling that he was planning to make the ILLEGAL left-hand turn on to eastbound Witzel from the right-hand lane--cutting me off--so I eased off the accelerator. Sure enough, he veered in front of me--forcing me to lock 'em up. I gave him my usual blast of the horn--making sure that everyone waiting around the roundabout knew about the driving hazard heading their way. He, of course, responded with the "I know I'm a moron but I don't care" flash of his middle finger.

What caught me by surprise was the silver car heading east on Witzel in the right-hand lane ILLEGALLY gunning it right behind the pickup truck--also cutting me off and forcing me to slam on the brakes again! He too got the "rolling hazard" blast of the horn and also responded with the "I know I'm a moron, but I don't care" single-fingered salute.

Now if I had a bulldozer, I could have used the front plow blade to just shove Brown Pickup Truck Idiot out of my way--along with Gunning It Because I'm Tired of Waiting Guy as well. But if I had a tank, I could have just run over the top of those vehicles. And as the drivers looked at the mangled wrecks of their vehicles, I could calmly point to the arrows on the pavement showing that those in the left lane go straight or turn left--while those in the right lane can go STRAIGHT OR MAKE A RIGHT TURN ONLY!! And I could point to the YIELD TO THE TRAFFIC ON THE LEFT signs as well. An added bonus of a tank would be that I could shoot out the tires of the elderly guy that Bob Burnell spotted the other day in that roundabout GOING IN THE WRONG DIRECTION WHILE DRIVING ON THE COBBLESTONES and put him out of his misery.

Unfortunately, I don't think the DMV will let me license a bulldozer or a tank for street use--so maybe we should consider building the Ultimate Roundabout Survival Vehicle ourselves. The URSV would feature a giant ramming bar on the front end for dealing with the "left-hand turn from the right-hand lane" buffoons. Then we'll need to add plated armor to the passenger side of the vehicle, so those that decide they are not going to yield to traffic on the left just bounce right off. And then on the back end, we'll have to put on those big spring bumpers they have on the construction zone vehicles that are meant to absorb high speed rear-end collisions since we will always be locking up the brakes trying to avoid the aforementioned people who don't deserve to share the road with those of us who know the laws.

Any idea how much the URSV might cost. We need to work that into our savings budget.