Republican Health Care Failure and Scottish Soccer

As the Republican Party failed to pass a health care replacement to Obamacare, I was reminded of an old soccer joke.

Keep in mind that since it was enacted in March 2010, Republicans in the House of Representatives have voted more than 60 times to either repeal, water down or otherwise alter the Affordable Care Act. Then, in January 2017, their dream came true. Republicans controlled the White House and both houses of Congress. What could possibly go wrong?

So, here’s the old soccer joke, updated.

Argentina is scheduled to play a friendly match against Scotland. When Argentina’s star, Lionel Messi, arrives in the locker room, he’s surprised to see all of his teammates downcast. “What’s the problem?” he asks.

“Well, you know, it’s only Scotland and it’s not even a match that counts. We just don’t feel motivated.”

“Don’t worry about it, guys,” says Messi. “I’ll take them on by myself. You go out and have a good time.”

The Argentine players are thrilled. They go off to a nearby bar and begin partying. After a while, one of them remembers the match and checks the progress of the score. “Argentina—1; Scotland—0. Goal: Messi (21st minute).”

The Argentines shake their heads. “Lionel is the greatest. Imagine, one against eleven and he’s ahead.” The players are being admired by the local women and they begin drinking heavily. About an hour and a half later, they suddenly remember the match. They check their cell phones. “Final score: Argentina—1; Scotland—0.”

“Messi is unbelievable,” the players exclaim. They pay their bills and rush back to the stadium. But when they enter the locker room, they find Lionel Messi holding his head in his hands, despondent.

“What’s wrong?” the players ask.

“I’ve let you down,” says Messi.

“What? You singlehandedly defeated Scotland 1-0.”

“Yes,” says Messi, “but I was given a red card and sent off after 25 minutes.”

My apologies to my Scottish friends, but that’s the Republicans. They had the pitch to themselves, with no opponents on the field, and they still couldn’t put the ball into the net.

Latest News

Sources close to President Donald Trump report that in updating his will, in case of his death while in office, he has given the White House and the presidency of the United States to his daughter, Ivanka. When Trump’s lawyers explained that the United States Constitution guarantees presidential elections, Trump came up with his definitive argument: “So what? Who’s going to stop me?” (satire)read more

President Donald Trump announced via Twitter, after a prayer session with Vice-President Mike Pence and Trump’s spiritual advisor, Franklin Graham, that God told him to deport his wife, Melania.
“We’ve been deporting legal citizens because they lied back when they arrived in the US,” wrote Trump. “Melania worked as a model before she received a work permit. Send her back.”
read more

President Donald Trump has issued an executive order banning the use of Arabic numerals by the federal government and replacing all numbers with Roman numerals. In a live television interview with campaign advisor Sean Hannity, Trump argued that it’s necessary to stop the infiltration of American life by Muslim culture and Sharia law. His reelection campaign will now be known as Trump MMXX. His MAGA caps will be rebranded as Make America GVIII Again.read more

Of all the dictatorships in the world, President Donald Trump has zeroed in on creating regime change—by economic sanctions and/or war—in just two: Venezuela and Iran. He and his team have tried to convince Americans that these two countries are the biggest threats to U.S. national security. This is a real stretch, particularly in the case of Venezuela. So, what is really motivating Trump? Take a look at this chartread more

On September 21, 1998, President Bill Clinton testified on video in response to charges that he had lied about his relationship with Monica Lewinsky and had attempted to obstruct justice. This testimony, which lasted more than four hours, is still available on the internet. In a space of 21 years, we went from a videotaped interview that was released to the public; to an in-person interview without a video, audio or written record; to no in-person interview whatsoever.read more