Monday, January 5, 2015

I’ve been
listening to the audiobook version of Amy Poehler’s book ‘Yes Please’. There’s
a chapter in which she writes/narrates the sad tale of the demon within us all.
It’s the horrible voice that sidles up to you and snaps ‘You have way too much cleavage
for that dress’ or ‘Purple eyeshadow is not good on you, you look like you have
two plums instead of eyes’ and other less PG rated gripes, moans, cackles and
swipes. The best
thing about the demon voice in Poehler’s audiobook is that it is read by a
deep-voiced man. It could be Seth Meyers, Mike Schur, Eileen Poehler,
William Poehler, or Patrick Stewart who all have talent credits in her
audiobook. Whoever it is, he made the demon sound like a cross between Barry
White, a catcall from a building site and that guy who does the love songs and dedications on 101.7FM who makes me feel queasy. That demon voice turned up in my yoga class the other
day.

I do yoga in a gym which means two of the four walls are all mirrors. I
turned to my right and the demon voice and I caught a glimpse of my arms raised
over my head. ‘Ugh!’ said the demon ‘Those arms and you do not belong
in this yoga class. They’re too white . . . ‘‘Shut up, demon’ I said. ‘I’m here to do yoga, not listen
to you’. The demon slunk to the back of the room and hid behind the swiss balls.I kept on with the yoga, enjoying the stretch, breathing
in and out.Later, as I stood in Warrior Two, I gazed out beyond my
fingertips and again we caught a glimpse of my reflection. I turned away as
quickly as I could, but not fast enough.The demon was by my side in a flash.

‘Dear Lord, you look
like a lumpy balloon in that singlet top!’ He droned into my ear. ‘Lumpy!!
Balloo”‘F**** off, demon.’ I said ‘I can’t do yoga and listen to
you. You’re just going to have to go.’He folded his arms, pouted and disappeared on my next exhalation.

I like that
Amy Poehler has given the demon voice a timbre that is not my own.

It makes it
easier to differentiate between what the demon says (lies) and what is true
(none of it).Down with
demons. Hurrah for clever, smart, funny women. BTW – if
the saying is true that you’re influenced by the 5 people with whom you spend
the most time, then lately I’ve been hanging out with Tara Moss, Lena Dunham
and now Amy Poehler. I know they’re not really there, but they
narrate their own audiobooks and it makes me feel like we’ve had a good sit
down and chat.