“Why won't anyone help me transfer my money to their bank account? I got the $5,000,000 right here, and you can keep 20%, just please, help me transfer it...no really, I'm serious...”

~ Prince Olajuwon II on Email offers

“All customers not flying first class; please leave the plane momentarily and help give it a push start. Thank you for flying Nigeria airways.”

~ Nigeria Airways

Greeting, and how are you doing, Okwonkwo? Nigeria lies in the center of Africa and is shaped like a heart. Nigeria's national product is the "Nige", and is a smash hit in America and some European countries. The Nige is essentially a Sham Wow, and is even sold by Vince! Nigeria is a very rich country with good and hard working leaders, and in fact, it has a $500.000 dollars that it needs to get to the United States so that it can be put into the right hands, and it needs to transfer 20% of that to your bank account first.

It has a vast amount of natural resources. It is widely known for its hard working people. It is believed that each of the 36 states, in addition to having massive quantities of oil, also has vast mineral resources. With a workforce that amounts to one of the most literate and zealous in Africa, Nigeria is capable of being the next superpower. Un des plus grands malentendus arose during the discussion of economic superpowers such as Western Union. Nigeria is well known for its perfect credit record and is currently the home of the Visa headquarters and other honest credit card companies. Despite media reports, Nigeria was the first country to place a man on the moon and gave Amerika lower-class Nigerian workers in the 1700's to aid in Amerika's development. This is different from Niberia, which has exorbitant taxes and bank accounts that are not limited to what is actually in the account.

Contents

Government

The head of the government was his excellence Mr. Alexander Donald Griffiths of Darlington but has since been deposed by former BBC presenter Ray Stubbs
head of security Mr Wahab Babangida

Honest Nigerian millionaires use e-mails like this one to assist with transferring funds overseas. The recipient of this e-mail became extremely rich

Nigeria is run by a series of Military Heads of State, whose reigns typically follow the following pattern. First, the leader accumulates vast amounts of wealth via 419 spamming. Then, the leader either locks up their wealth in foreign accounts (but forgets to give their family the money to pay the access fee), or stores it inside Nigeria's state banks. Next, the leader is invariably overthrown by the next Military Head of State. The family, naturally, urgently wishes to flee the country, and may need the assistance of a foreigner to help them get their assets out. Prominent leaders of Nigeria dispatched this way include the late Sani Abacha, Gen. Mobutu Sese Seko, and many others.

Technology sector

Nigeria has an extensive technology sector. The biggest business sector in Nigeria is online financial re-allocation. Many wealthy countries such as Britain often have large sums of unclaimed money. Nigerians are typically employed to re-allocate millions of dollars to lucky Americans via email for a 100,000$ (ONE HUNDRED THOUSAND SMACKEROOS) bank fee. Prince Okambo Magoma is a great benefactor for the tech industry. In fact, He has recently created an email research center in downtown Abuja...

Also the British Government, the EU, Every world Lottery and major company have call centers in Nigeria, from which they cold-call their customers and clients, subscribing or non-subscribing, including the ones who they don't have yet.

The country code of Nigeria is "419".

Religion

The Church of Western Union is the main religion in Nigeria where 95.3% of the population follow this religion. The Church of Western Union play an important role of Nigerians' daily life where people worship their God in cyber cafes. In Nigeria, the number '419' symbolizes the God of the country and every household has a number 419 picture.

Imports

Nigeria major import is electronic bank transfers using Credit Card details you gave to your local garage. Your garage might seem friendly at first but once you get to Nigeria you notice how many people are using your money to buy themselves a banana. They also illegally import soiled female hygiene products and tuna from anonymous sports presenters at the BBC. The Nigerians make a special stew which they call Bloody-Rag Tuna Surprise and chips, which they believe creates special flatulence which helps them to insulate their newly built igloo.

Exports

Nigeria's major export are Nigerian ghosts who want to immigrate to your country, if only you will help pay their plane fare and travel expenses. They may haunt your Facebook, your email, and your phone or Skype at ungodly hours of the night so that they can come live a life of luxury at your expense in your country (regardless of your income level). These ghosts are good at making promises as substantial as they are, in their translucent glory. The normal deterrents that repel bad dates do not repel them, they must be exorcised by the "DeFriending and Blocking Ritual".

Pax Nigeriana

Pax Nigeriana is the emergence of Nigeria as a formidable power. With a population of 140 million, 2 in 12 (1 in 6 - factorise properly you bitch) Africans are Nigerian. Nigerians are known for their light Caucasian complexion and blend nicely with the British. It has long been rumoured that England is in fact the true location of Nigeria.

Nigerian History

Nigerian history is most commonly documented first hand, and archived by circulating millions of emails to people in the free world. Nigerian historians are known for their huge monetary expenses, and the need to transfer funds into Western bank accounts, usually through Western union.

It is a well known fact that Nigeria is currently building on its relationship with Wales, and that they are preparing for war. This upcoming war, the Welsh-Nigerio war (aka. WW3) will see this alliance of the world's most powerful two countries gaining global control of the tinned tuna market. According to key information given by Nigeria's political correspondent Tom Hanks, that after their takeover of the world the Welsh-Nigerio alliance intends to start a chain of fast-food restaurants around the world. This chain under the name of "Dafydd Omolopo's good Nigerian food" will sell the already popular hybrid of Wales and Nigeria's famed foods Black pudding and fufu. It is estimated that this chain will earn approximately 86000 UGD per year.

While Nigeria itself doesn't have electricity, the country still is capable of using electrical goods, as all Nigerian bibles come complete with a plug socket built into the back cover. This enables Nigerians to run electrical goods from their blind faith, by connecting their appliance to the bible.

Nigeria is also well known for its high turnaround of deceased royalty and businessmen, all who happen to die in tragic circumstances and fail to leave wills or notes to their left of kin behind. As of the writing of this article, Nigeria has run to 42,978,341 separate royal dynasties in 50 years and the average Nigerian business elects a new CEO on emergency session every 6 hours.

It is customary for Nigerian men to jump over cows before they get married. Depending on how many cows they jump over will result in how good looking their wife is. Currently the record is held by oku!de (pronounced oku"click" de). oku!de jumped over 9 cows and has the most attractive wife in his village.If jumping over cows is not someone's specialty, then the men can fight a lion, however such an incident has never been recorded in Nigeria 3 year history