How to overcome the fear of commitment ?

In most societies around the world are organizing the match parents with a daughter or a relative with whom they would like to have family ties. First founded the family structure in the form of marriage, and it can be opened or shared emotional world of the couple separate.

Relatively late in the history of Western history has been a revolution, and love, as opposed to the frame, it has become the most significant and decisive in establishing the family. Thus, in western society, secular, modern, one in which we live, expect us, and we expect of ourselves, to love or even fall as a precondition for starting a family. We are supposed to meet someone, fall in love or learn to love him, as we approach gradually, learning to live together in profound relationship stronger, then at some point decide to formalize the relationship and / or have children.

A relationship that is not based on this model is considered frequent C’fsrh, and people who marry out that at least in the first place is more important than family structure are considered L’mtfsrim emotional software.

Really?

Perhaps these are two different kinds of people? Two different paths of personal growth?

In my opinion, the two initial conditions needed to start a family? Requires double the overall framework for raising children, as opposed to ‘A Tale of Love’, ‘novel’, companies, etc. – are emotional love one hand, and the desire to establish a family on the other.

What is the difference?

A. Emotional love, freedom and self-expression

The search for love is obvious. From the moment of our birth, we can not live without the love and attention of others. Almost all of us experience fear and pain in everyday life when we fear lest Different people will prevent us from his love, and this factor holding us regarding our personal freedom and our personal growth. We repress our anger that hurts us when love us less; We hide things we are ashamed of because we are afraid they will not love us, and so on.

The growth process which allows to open to love, then, is to agree to experience the same fear and pain, and agree to pay the costs of being who we are. Thus, even if the company looks askance at women express anger, the road goes through the personal freedom of choice to accept and express our anger, with all the pain and fear involved, as well as all other feelings, needs and desires. Only then who chooses to love us and come to us really love who we are, and we put the mask so as not to risk the loss of the love of others.

The process is, therefore, a process of self-liberation, against Frames and outsiders us.

B. Commitment, Frame & Family

The choice to start a family is the opposite process? The process of giving up equity in favor of an external frame and people are important to us.

This is a decision relating to the external world, reality “, and not to the world of emotion. You can love without feeling obligated, without doing anything about it, but creating a family involved in decision-making and action real world. (Eg: making economic decisions, decisions on the agenda and common tasks, and so on.) Such decisions restricting individual freedom, or rather? They enable greater personal freedom, but dialectic ally, which may at first glance appear to be limiting.

For example, a pair of cheaper life. Cheaper to live in an apartment with a partner than to live in an apartment alone, or even with partners. On the one level has increased my financial freedom? Because we have more in common than silver, but on the other hand am not the only arbiter about my money.

In the same way about personal freedom? The highest level, seemingly, of personal freedom are living alone. But only apparent, because life with a spouse allow me, in fact, do more things besides me would not do, or I would do less? Go for walks, for example.

Meaning? Living alone seem absolute freedom. In contrast, cohabitation are seen as a limitation on freedom, despite the fact that they allow freedom and greater growth.

Fear of commitment

Usually, people who experience the Partnership ‘liberation’ or greater freedom of life alone do not understand the fear of commitment and connection. But such people often feel very afraid, angry, to be idiots, or do whatever they want. And vice versa? People who feel unfulfilled professional sense or in terms of their self-expression, people who are not afraid to be who they are and enjoy being themselves, afraid to commit, settle down, and’lsgor ‘themselves by starting a family.