With only one more day left before we all succumb to the wickedness of the world, I believe this would be a great time to throw a party! My schedule is such that I happen to be off today, so I can take FULL advantage of my preparations for the big event tomorrow! I know this is last minute and most of you have plans I’m sure, but take a look at my devilish agenda below and RSVP (quickly) by midnight tonight at the phone number listed at the end of this post.

I’m thinking out loud that my guest list will pretty much include YOU, if you’re reading this. No offense, but most of my friends are probably not on the list of “good” Christians headed upstairs, so consider yourself doomed, but invited.

The first thing on my preparation agenda today will be to visit my local Target store for Rapture Eve party decorations. I’m thinking that a theme of reds, oranges and blacks (sort of a fire and brimstone affair) will be just perfect. I’m assuming Target will have a full aisle dedicated to this type of event and I would hope that clearance pricing is in order.

Food will include deviled eggs, devil’s food cupcakes and a few other devil related food stuffs like tofu and Brussels sprouts. While I’m at the supermarket I must make a mental note not to purchase green bananas.

I think I’ll forgo traditional alcoholic fare in favor of a punch. After all, what IS the end of the world as we know it other than a punch? I couldn’t actually come up with a recipe for a “Devil’s Punch,” so I decided to Google it. This is what came up:

Devil Punch

Attire for the party will be semi-formal and consist of a lot of red, black and maybe some metallic accessories to have a sort of pitchfork tie-in. If you’re unsure of what to wear, here is an example:

Party favors will consist of the usual anti-Christian fare such as “Planned Parenthood” membership cards, inverted crucifixes and Muslim kneeling pads. I will also have a large barrel centrally located at the party that can be used to burn all bills, alimony payment documents and liens. The fire itself could be a warm reminder of what’s truly in store for all of us.

We could also have some sort of New Year’s Eve-like countdown to midnight for the Rapture Event, but maybe we could do it in Latin so it could double as some sort of final blessing like they did in the movie The Exorcist… “decem, novem, octo, …”

I hope you are all as excited as I am to prepare to celebrate together one final time before the world is destroyed.

Please RSVP by midnight tonight to 1-900-666-6666.

Special note:
Children, teens and of course in-laws are certainly invited, since most of them are already full of the devil anyway.

7 responses to “Happy Rapture Eve!”

So, so very awesome! This takes the cake, though:
“Party favors will consist of the usual anti-Christian fare such as “Planned Parenthood” membership cards, inverted crucifixes and Muslim kneeling pads. ”