Exposing the underbelly of Armstrongism in all of it's wacky glory! Nothing you read here is made up. Every crazy, weird and wacky quote is straight from the pens of Armstrongite leaders or members who think they possess some insight into God and the Bible. What you read here is the up to date face of Herbert W Armstrong's legacy. It's the gritty and dirty behind the scenes look at Armstrongism as you have never seen it before!

Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Happy New Year! 2014 Promises to be a Banner Year in the Church of God

It's been a wild and crazy year in the land of Church of God. We never dreamed of a Church of God leader ever ending up in prison, but thanks to Ron Wienland and his lying family, he is sitting in prison today.

David Hulme's secretive splinter cult has started to rupture big time.

Bob Thiel stabbed Rod Meredith in the back and started his own splinter personalty cult that has been the object of much ridicule over the last year. With 4,683 hits, Bob Thiel sets the record.

Next up was Gaylyn Bonjour's so called "double blessing" that Bob Thiel lies about where his god set him apart to start his personalty cult. It garnered 3,684 hits.

Then David C Pack hit the scene with some of the most outlandish claims that any Church of God leader has ever made. Even Gerald Waterhouse wasn't stupid enough to say the things Dave did, even though Gerald was a few cards short of a full deck. Dave's lies make a complete fool of him and he went into hiding to nurse his wounds. Of course he quickly came up with a reason his prophecy failed, as any good COG leader will do.

Dennis's articles continue to draw thousands of readers. He has been a great asset to this blog.

The Living Church of God provided great fodder this past year, especially with James Scarborough's letter

On June 6th, 2013 we hit 1,000,000 readers.

Then the Philadelphia Church of God had a dust up with Mark Nash that drew a large crowd of readers. Then Six Pack Flurry had to go and write his own "science" books to mind-melt their children's minds at Imperial Academy.

Another favorite was Nimrod's Testicles which exhibited to the world how incredibly naive and absurd Church of God thought can be.

2014 promises to be a recording breaking year in Armstrongism. E. W King will continue to make idiotic prophecies which will all fail, like every single on of his has already. Rod Merdith could die, bringing in another church splint because so many can't stand Meredith's son leading the church. Ron Weinland will continue to lie in his prison missives.

More suicides and deaths will occur because of COG teachings. James Malm will continue to distort scripture to fit his own legalistic mindset.

So here's to a great 2013 and for the rapid disintegration of Armstrongism.

One of the things which will make it a happy year is the knowledge that several leaks in the dam(n?) that is Armstrongism will hemorrhage during 2014, hopefully causing a major rupture, and the leading of many more individuals to freedom from a very toxic system.

How long will people continue to be able to believe that British Israelism is even remotely plausible? Or, that Alexander Hislop was an authentic and credible scholar? Will this be the year that a member of the Armstrong family states definitively and unequivocally that the incest allegations are true? What ACOG leaders will reach the end of their human life cycles? Are legal or financial problems on the horizon for some of the more extreme groups? Who has not yet learned that making time-related prophetic announcements based on Armstrong theology universally ends in failure and defeat? (That is, unless paradox-thinking is being applied, and the real goal is the amassing of personal fortune).

Whatever happens, let us hope that there is no carnage, no more shootings, no fleeings to false places of safety, and no doctrinally induced deaths in the new year. The only death I would like to see is the death of this toxic movement.

In by-gone years there used to be prognosticators like "Criswell" or "Jeane Dixon".

Pack, Weinland, and even Herbert himself are and were in the "prediction business".

So here are my (tongue in cheek) predictions for the COG 2014...

** A COG minister will come out as having been a woman all their life, and being a very convincing male cross dresser for all these years.

** One of the COGs will use "Claymation" similar to the "Davey and Goliath" series in a "retro" attempt to reach the public via WGN at 2 AM in the morning.

** A & E will come out with a new reality series about the COG called... "Sister Cults" which will air right after the Mormon inspired "Sister Wives" program.

** Garner Ted's appearance on Hee Haw, from 1978, where he sang "Put Your Hand In The Hand", will be re-released by Mark Armstrong, and will become a regional viral video. It will reach 23rd on the gospel hit charts... (in North Korea!)

** Bob Thiel will be discovered to have harbored illegal aliens. All working in sweat shop conditions, at 15 cents an hour. They continually and repetitively click on his website, (raising its "Alexa Rank") in a dank basement, , 24-7, EVEN ON THE SABBATH!

** Flurry buys used urinals for $1 million from the wrecking company that tore down Ambassador, for use at his Oklahoma campus.

** Pack acquires a "drone" shaped like a mini "Gulfstream 3" for constant surveillance of his Wadsworth compound!

Off the wall and ridiculous you say??... Having been around the COG for 40 years now, I wouldn't bet against me! ;-)

Gary said, “Even Gerald Waterhouse wasn't stupid enough to say the things Dave did, even though Gerald was a few cards short of a full deck.”

MY COMMENT – I don’t know Gary. I think that one is debatable. Gerald Waterhouse said some amazingly stupid things in his time. I still have notebooks containing my notes on his sermon quotes – sermons that were often 3 hours long. For example, did you know “Waterhouse” means “Go Water the House of God (to give it nourishment)”?

However, there is such a thing as “over watering” such as over watering a plant or tree, or even running one’s mouth for 3 hours before combined WCG congregations saying such silly nothings such as “Noah will straighten out race relations in the World Tomorrow”, or “Job will straighten out the Cities in the World Tomorrow.” Really? Of course, 40 years later I ask, “Why do we have to wait until the wonderful World Tomorrow?” Why can’t Noah and Job do it now?