Mets sign LHP Matt Purke – Nationals hide in caves in fear

The Mets have signed 27 year old veteran minor leaguer Matt Purke to a minor league deal with an invitation to waste everyone’s time in some split squad games in March.

Number 64 on the field but number one in your heart, Matt Purke with a P despite what your spell-check wants his name to be, has a career WAR of -0.1 which means he is even worse than if I offered you a hypothetical minor leaguer.

Are you sure Matt Purke with a P even exists? Maybe he IS a hypothetical minor leaguer.

He’s 14-23 with a 4.43 ERA but you millennials hate wins so who cares.

He even appeared with the 2015 White Sox and appeared in 12 games and pitched to a 5.50

Mickey is right, the Mets do have the players to win, and the winning got even more fun.

I guess Matt Purke looks something like my drawing. Mets Media Intern 5 didn’t send me anything on him, so it’s not like I have an image. Hi Harold.

And wait – there are no pinstripes on my drawing? Are the Mets going back to the pinless uniforms? MAYBE I KNOW SOMETHING!!!!!!