The president of Malawi has accused Madonna of demanding VIP treatment, exaggerating her charity work and being "a musician who desperately thinks she must generate recognition by bullying state officials instead of playing decent music on the stage".

Joyce Banda's office issued an extraordinary statement saying the singer "thinks she deserves to be revered with state grandeur" and needs to learn "the decency of telling the truth".

Madonna accused Banda of lying, and her spokeswoman suggested the claims were linked to the removal of the president's sister as head of Madonna's humanitarian organisation in Malawi.

She became accustomed to VIP status on previous trips, including when she arrived there last week, but received a rude awakening when she learned upon leaving that she and her travelling party would have to queue with other passengers and be frisked by airport security.

"There was a directive that Miss Louise Ciccone, travelling on an American passport, and her children Lourdes Maria Ciccone Leon, Rocco Ritchie, Mercy James, David Banda Ciccone Ritchie should use the ordinary passenger terminal on their way to their jet," an aviation official, who did not wish to be named, told Associated Press.

Malawi's president, Joyce Banda, was reportedly angered by Madonna's claims that she has built 10 schools in the country. Photograph: Stephane De Sakutin/AFP/Getty Stephane De Sakutin/AFP/Getty Images

A withering statement from Banda's office condemned Madonna for trying to use her celebrity to compel Malawi to give her special treatment. "Granted, Madonna is a famed international musician," it said. "But that does not impose an injunction of obligation on any government under whose territory Madonna finds herself, including Malawi, to give her state treatment. Such treatment, even if she deserved it, is discretionary, not obligatory."

It added: "Among the many things that Madonna needs to learn as a matter of urgency is the decency of telling the truth. For her to tell the whole world that she is building schools in Malawi when she has actually only contributed to the construction of classrooms is not compatible with manners of someone who thinks she deserves to be revered with state grandeur."

With an unorthodox turn of phrase, the statement said Malawi had played host to other international stars including Chuck Norris, Bono and the footballers David James, Rio Ferdinand and Gary Neville, "who have never demanded state attention or decorum despite their equally dazzling stature".

The presidency questioned the motives behind Madonna's humanitarian efforts, alleging that she "wants Malawi to be forever chained to the obligation of gratitude".

It continued: "Kindness, as far as its ordinary meaning is concerned, is free and anonymous. If it can't be free and silent, it is not kindness; it is something else. Blackmail is the closest it becomes."

Banda was reportedly angered by Madonna's claims that she had built 10 schools in Malawi, and questioned that statement in widely quoted remarks last week. "Where are the 10 schools she has built?" Banda said. "She is just building school blocks at already existing schools. In some cases she just renovated an already existing block. This is an insult to the people of Malawi. She can't be lying to the world at our expense."

Madonna lays the first stone during a bricklaying ceremony at the site of the Raising Malawi Girls Academy, near the capital, Lilongwe on 6 April 2010. Photograph: Reuters Mike Hutchings/Reuters

Madonna refused to take the criticism lying down. She said she was saddened that Banda "has chosen to release lies about what we've accomplished, my intentions, how I personally conducted myself while visiting Malawi and other untruths. I have no intentions of being distracted by these ridiculous allegations."

She continued: "I came to Malawi seven years ago with honourable intentions. I returned earlier this month to view the new schools we built. I did not ever ask or demand special treatment at the airport or elsewhere during my visit. I will not be distracted or discouraged by other people's political agendas. I made a promise to the children of Malawi and I am keeping that promise."

"Due to major organisational problems that occurred during that time, the original team was disbanded," the spokeswoman said. "President Banda has since appointed her sister to a senior post within the ministry of education.

"Madonna's decision to change course on her education projects has subsequently been met by deep resistance from Oponyo, the president and the ministry of education. But Madonna is not letting politics stand in the way of her deep commitment to help build schools there and educate as many children as possible."

Trevor Neilson, whose Global Philanthropy Group is managing Madonna's projects in Malawi, alleged that Banda "appears to be using her office to pursue the financial interests of her sister, Anjimile Oponyo".

He said Oponyo was in charge of the failed Madonna's school project "when $3.8m (£2.47m) was spent without ever breaking ground. It is unclear what happened to that money, but Oponyo was in charge of the project when the money disappeared."

Neilson said when Oponyo was removed from her position and the project terminated, she issued "a series of wild demands and threats. Initially she demanded $450,000, then $380,000, and she is currently suing Raising Malawi."

He alleged that when Oponyo was appointed by Banda as a principal secretary responsible for primary school education, she began to use that office to "pursue her grudge" against Raising Malawi.

"Madonna is the largest individual philanthropist in Malawi and we are a bit surprised that the president is using her office to pursue her sister's financial interests."

Oponyo said she had no comment to make on the issue and she did not want to be seen as "fighting Madonna", Neilson added.

The singer visiting children during her trip to Malawi in 2006. Photograph: AP Shavawn Rissman/AP

The statement from the president's office dismissed the claim that Banda was angry because her sister had been sacked by Raising Malawi.

Some Malawians expressed support for the US singer on Thursday and condemned the government's stand. Moses Mkandawire, director of a church rights group, said: "Madonna is a famous personality in the world and, through her adoption of two children and sponsoring various projects, little-known Malawi gets to be known. Madonna remains is a darling in Malawi."

He said the conflict with the government over the abortive girls academy project was due to a misunderstanding. "There was no proper communication between her and the government. There was even no proper communication about her recent visit. The government was not aware what she came to do," he said.

"The government was also concerned that she went about telling the world that she had build 10 schools, while the truth is that she had built school blocks on already existing government premises."

Billy Mayaya, an independent rights activist, said Banda's outburst was uncalled for. "We ought to encourage more of the Madonnas to come here and help develop the welfare of our children," he added.

Esme Chepole, a vendor from Ndirande township in Blantyre, said Madonna remained "my heroine for adopting those two children. We have thousands of orphans in this country, and I don't see much help going towards helping these poor souls. We need more kindhearted people like Madonna to come to Malawi to help us."

The government of the late president Bingu wa Mutharika stands accused of bending towards letting Madonna use her wealth and power status to fast-track the adoption process of her two children, David Banda and Mercy James.