Personality or Looks?

Since no one else has started a topic for this one, I thought I would. So there! :roll: I can never figure out if a woman is refering to her personality or looks when they define themselves at "butchy" or "femme". My friend always called herself butchy even though she wasn't. But she acted kinda butch. Okay, now I just confused myself. Why did these labels start?!? What am I? Why did I start this topic again?
I was dropped as a child. :shock:

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Since no one else has started a topic for this one, I thought I would. So there! :roll: I can never figure out if a woman is refering to her personality or looks when they define themselves at "butchy" or "femme". My friend always called herself butchy even though she wasn't. But she acted kinda butch. Okay, now I just confused myself. Why did these labels start?!? What am I? Why did I start this topic again?
I was dropped as a child. :shock:

I know the feeling. My butchy side wrestles my femme side into hushed submission alot lol. What can I say? Girls will be girls.

the titles butch and femme arn't just outwardly appearence, although that often goes hand in hand with it. no one can tell you what you are, it's one of those wonderful things that only you can lable (or choose not to) yourself with. it has to do sometimes with dominance and submission, other times the things you're interested in, or, to a certain extent, a gender identification within the queer community. there is, obviously, a spectrum: stone femme, femme, butch femme, androdonous, soft butch, butch, stone butch...and even more. but you don't have to lable yourself as anything. you can just be queer. :D which makes me happy. (even though i feel that i'm somewhere in the femme/butch femme area)

Well queer I am, and queer I shall be!! Here stated on this day, I shall forth go into this world unassumed by a label for I am higher than that! And forthtold to all those who raise against the boundries placed by those who have come before thine.

For some reason, Shakespear makes me kinda horny.

Yes, that did make sense Whitewind, after clariffication from theelvinprincess. I wonder if there's a course on this at one of those crazy universities? "Lesbo Lingo 101"

Hi ladies,
I have never felt as if butch nor femme decribed me.But I someone introduce me to labels I was not aware of.I am a cross between soft butch & soft femme.I feel much better now! :? Maybe someone should put together a visual reference of common labels for those of us that are not sure.

Labels tend to diminish the very groups in which they intend to describe.

Tamela like you I am not aware of all the different sub catergoories but in saying that I also dont think a visual depiction would aptly express the many varied and unique personages that come under the lesbian heading.

Does anyone else find that butch/femme labels are gaining a lot of popularity these days?

A few decades ago, you practically weren't a lesbian if you weren't clearly one or the other (has anyone read Stone Butch Blues?). but it seemed to become quite uncommon after that (there's a great segment about this in the movie If These Walls Could Talk). Until recently. Now it seems that lots of people are at least trying (maybe with varying degrees of comfort and success) to fit into them somewhere. What's up?

Again I am told I am sporty femme, yesterday at concert I was told I looked like a dyke by another lesbian friend. I actually took offense to it. Mostly because I am only out to 3 or 4 people and other lesbians and don't appreciate being labeled based on appearance. My personality is probably more butchy or tomboyish. I am a deep person, an artist and writer so I take extreme offense to people who make judgements on me and don't really know anything about me. This person who commented on my appearance though doesn't know me a bit, other than the fact that she thinks "I'm hot". While I appreciate being though of as attractive, and am flattered by that, I do take offense to it because she hasn't bothered to get to know ME. There is more to people than their looks and while I am a strong believer in good looks, and taking time to care for yourself, I can't be with someone unless they have a deeper personality and care to know me beyond what's on the outside.

I find this all very confusing. I've heard the phrase "someone told me I am..." all too many times. We are letting others define who we are, which I find vastly counterintuitive to our efforts of creating an open, non-judgemental post-modern, sexually-liberated space. (Or maybe we're really not trying to create such an environment, what do I know?)

I don't know where I fit in. (I also don't know how to label some of my favorite music, so this isn't new for me. I mean, is Portishead triphop or is it electronica?) I do know that my clothing depends on my moods, just like my musical tastes do. I love to wear skirts and high heels, but you can also find me in jeans, my grandfather's vest, and my sh**-kickers (steel-toes).

To further complicate things, let me delve into my sexual desires for a moment. I find the prospect of wearing a dildo and role-playing as a man very tantilizing! Does this make me a trans-fag? A butch-lez? I dunno! I also love the idea of a strong, aggressive, and yet gentle woman having her way with me.

After reading a book (that I highly recommend) called "Pomosexuals", I've come to the conclusion that I'm just me. "Feminine" is not the same as "female" because the way in which we are expected to express our genders is created and imposed by others, not me.