Do you always love me?

Last week while tucking my 11-year old into bed, he asked me: “mom, do you always love me?”

I was taken aback. “What do you mean, ‘do I always love you?'” I asked.

“I mean, when I do something bad or when you’re really, really mad at me, do you still love me then? I mean, are there ever times when you don’t love me?” he asked.

I couldn’t even believe my ears.

“There has never been a time when I haven’t loved you—nor will there ever be,” I said.

“Okay, what if I go to jail one day… even then?” he asked.

“Even then!” I answered. “I will love you no matter what you do or where you end up. Even if it’s jail—which, by the way, I’m confident will not be the case. But that doesn’t mean I’ll always love your actions. There’s a big difference,” I explained.

“Okay, cause you were pretty mad at me before. I thought maybe you stopped loving me for a minute,” he said.

“Don’t be cray cray,” I said. “I love you and your brother more than life itself. Yes, I was pretty angry before; I wasn’t in love with your actions— but I am in love with you, always. [silent pause] Okay?”

“Okay.”

We kissed goodnight. He went to sleep and I went into reflection. And from that moment on, I vowed to end every argument with my children with the following words: “Remember, no matter how angry I get, I will always love you. Got it?”

Our kids may act tough, sometimes—but inside, they just want to know that they are loved. We all do.

This is so true, Steph. Every time I am really, really mad at one of my boys, I make sure to tell them (later when I have calmed down) that I was mad at their choice, but that I still love them and always will. There’s a big difference between anger and indifference.

When I go back to work after a vacation, my 3-year-old often has a couple of difficult days. It seems to help him to talk about how I always love him, even when I can’t see him. Even when I’m mad. No matter what. He repeats “no matter what.” However, I avoid “I love you, but…”

That’s awesome. I’ve always tried hard, after I scold my 3 year old daughter, to say “mommy still loves you no matter what.” Now, when she gets in trouble and I chastise her, before I can even say it, she’ll say (usually in tears), “mommy still loves me.”

I hate making her cry, but hopefully she takes it to heart that I’ve her no matter what.

My 6 y.o. son told me recently, “I’ll never not love you.” – Possibly the sweetest thing he could ever say. I told him, along with his sister and brother, that’s it’s really me who will never not love them.

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I am the proud mama of two wild, yet extremely lovable boys, a freelance communications consultant and a writer. Join me as I chronicle my journey towards being a better parent, staying healthy and calm, finding the positives in tough situations and laughing at life’s little comedies.