Bitchie Mail: I Want To Come “Out Of The Closet”

* photo via google images*
Received this letter yesterday from a reader and after corresponding with him back and forth, he agreed to let me post this letter on the site. There are many people (especially men) who are dealing with the same issue and I felt as though it would be a good topic of discussion. He tells me that even though it may be tough to hear other’s opinions and thoughts on this topic, he hopes it gives him strength to do what he has to do. Letter below:

Dear Necole:

First off, I just want to say that I am an avid reader of your blog. I think that you are an excellent blogger and as Wendy Williams would put it, you are definitely a “friend in my head”. Even though I dont know you personally, I would like your advice on an issue that I’ve been dealing with.

I am a 24 year old black male and I am gay. I am still in the closet, but I am so sick and tired of lying about who I really am. People dont understand how difficult it is to have to lie day in and day out. I am so sick and tired of it. I hate having to make up “girlfriends” just to save face around my family and friends. With all of that being said, I am very hesitant about coming out of the closet. I am probably not the type of guy that people would assume to be homosexual. I’m very masculine and I hang out with mostly all guy friends and do “typical” manly things. Every one always tells me that I am one of the few good black men around… the kind that most women would probably see as husband material. However, the people that I’m surrounded by have no idea that I am gay.

I know that my “coming out” would rock my friends and especially my family to the core. My family is very religous and I can honestly say that if they find out who I really am they will never look at me the same. I’m sure that my mom would love me just the same, but I feel like I’m her pride and joy and she would be ashamed to have a gay son. My sister in particular, is very religous and God only knows what she would do. As far as my brother and my friends are concerned, I don’t think that they would ever talk to me again.

Please help me Necole because I am struggling. Some days I wake up and I feel like calling everyone I know and letting them know who I really am…but then reality hits me and I realize everything that I could potentially lose. I really need these people in my life. I don’t know what I would do without them…but I the same time I dont know if sacrificing my happiness and sanity is worth it. I just want to be happy.

(P.S. Necole please dont label me as being on the DL. It has such negative connotations. And just for the record, I do not go back and forth sleeping with men and women. Since I started having sex with men, I do not have sex with women).

401 People Bitching

Wow. Don’t live your life trying to make others happy. It will only make YOU unhappy in the long term. If people can’t accept you for who you are, they don’t deserve to have you in their lives. I wish you all the best.

Wow….
I pray for him to find happiness and peace…and his family needs to understand that he is still the same person..and your orientation does not change you. I know when he comes out…he will be soo free..and the weight will be gone.

I think he should come out to those who are closes to him because you can”t live your life unhappy. Its going to keep eating away at you and eventually it may become too much for you. You only have one life and you need to enjoy it while you can. You are still young so you could probably easily transition into your new lifestyle and find some great people to support you. Hopefully, your family will support you in time, but you have to do whats best for you. If these people love you they should understand that you are still the same person that they have always loved. There may come a time when you fall in love, and you will be left with an even bigger problem. Just go for it, and best of luck to you.

I agree with those above, If the people in ur life love you as much as u love them they will STILL love you regardless of what sex u prefer. Its no use stressing over this..please come out for ur sanity and self respect.

He knows what he should do, he just does not have the courage and strength to face up to the consequences. When he gets the strength to face the rejection and stigma straight on, he will come out on his own terms. Good luck

Please come out the closet and be yourself. I hate it when these men want to be with other men and date women. There is nothing more I love then a man out of the closet. Yeah do you come on out and be free to love who you want to love. It is funny because I have a friend that has been in the closet for the last….well I will say as long as I’ve know him. I know that he is gay but he doesn’t know that I know. He lives in NY and he does his thing but when he comes around the fam and friends here he tries to hide it. We all know but we don’t want to out him like that so we let him be him and in do time he will tell us and I will be like we knew. Lol But yeah back to him come on out please!

i bet this nigga from atlanta smh lol, if not move to atl you would feel right at home

either way nigga ur fucked, just kept it on the downlow then since ur dont wanna upset family and friends but dont be fucking any of our bitches if ur on the downlow, cause yall nigga be giving out beautiful black woman aids

Wow. This is deep. I hope he’ll have some type of support system after coming out. This could be very very hard without ur friends and family. But no matter wat, you have to live ur life for you and not for anyone else’s happiness.

Gay people have this crazy idea that we HAVE to come out the closet when in reality we don’t. If YOU’VE fully accepted yourself for who you are it truely doesn’t matter what others think.

If you don’t want your reputation destroyed or you don’t want your friends and familys views on you to change…then don’t come out. As long as you accept yourself thats fine.

With that being said, I recommend that you should come out. Its sometimes unhealthy to lie to your peers each day about who you really are. When you do….you’ll feel this HUGE burden lift off of your shoulder. LOL. it will be such a relief. Trust me.

Why don’t u just kill yoself already? Tired of all these DL men and flaming faggots who feel this is who they “really are.” Truth is most gay ppl are just lost puppies who even if they live their lives as a homosexual STILL confuzzled about the future as one. It’s not that I don’t like homosexuals….I don’t like their agenda. It’s sickening and disheartening and we need to stop giving these maggots of the world a platform to spread their homosexual agenda to our youth. That is all.

I just feel as though it shouldnt be about what people are going to think of you . . . if this is how you will feel better about you, by letting it be known and not hide it, then you need to do whats best for you. Everything else is secondary. If your friends dont understand and they bounce… remember some people are only meant to be in peoples lives for seasons. And then more come along. As far as your family goes… I just feel as though, since they are religious … they know that they are no one to judge you for your decisions. Only the man upstairs can judge you… I say, just go for it. No need in hiding the real you for other people.

This is a tough situation….smh I would just tell him to come out,but kinda ease it in there if that makes any sense….and if those are his real friends or his family really loves him,they’ll accept it and treat him the same…And yeah this issue is pretty common…MANY men have this problem..and it could be ANYBODY nowadays. Soooo idk,but i hope everything gets better for him and that one day,he is finally truly happy..

Nubian. You are a witch. Being gay is not a lifestyle. If you would have READ the post instead of jumping to comment, you would have READ that he no longer has sex with women. Do you think people are gay because it is “cool”. Um, no! It is not a choice, no more than we chose to like men. Ignorance like your is the reason he is afraid to come out of the closet.

Most of the time when you’re that suspicious people have at least thought you might have been. I’ve recently came out at the age of 20, and I can tell you its not fun ride. But what I can tell you is that its load off your shoulders. Like everyone else is saying “do you”. The people who truely do love you will still be there, and the others are clearly not needed. Good luck.

When I first read his letter, the first thing that came to mind was the amount of Professional athletes that are in his same situation but would never be able to come out because of how fans, their teammates etc would be respond. They’d no longer want him in the lockerroom so these men go out and get wives and girlfriends and live up to this image that society has placed on them.

Not all gay men are going to be flamboyant, wearing heels and flipping their heads like women

just make yourself happy, if your family and friends really care for you it wouldnt matter who you’re sleeping with, that doesn’t change you as a person…and look at it this way, the faster you “get out” the faster you can move on with you life, happily…start the new year right and just do whats right for you! hope all goes well…and you only have one life to live!

One more thing I want to add; Im sure your mother knows but because you have not acted or should I say told her she just put the issue behind her. As a mother we know our sons! You should just tell her, she is your mother her love is not going to change. As for your friends you will find out who your real friends are. If they dont stuck with you then you know they where just there for other reasons. You didn’t say in the letter how your male friends felt about other gay men so I don’t know how they would take it but if they are your friends they will be there.

Good for him. No offense but I think the whole gay thing should go back in the closet. Our world is so confused and wide open. You can’t even tell the men from women. I was thinking of moving to Atlanta but I plan on having children with that being said I came to the conclusion Atlanta is not the spot. I would never put my children through the confusion. It’s something about explaning things you shouldn’t have to explain. Just my opinion no offense!

well sir, if you’re reading this, those people that claim they love you and are in your corner will still be there if/when you decide to come out.if they are truly your friends and have your best interest at heart your personal life won’t alter what they think of you…i hope you’re able to reconcile your decision with yourself…holding this in is only hurting you…like the other commenters said DO YOU…your true friends and supporters will continue to love no matter who you are

i will never truly understand why people have to annouce that they are gay. I really dont think that it is anyone business who you sleep with . Straight people do have to go around telling people that they are straight, so why do gay people. Being gay doesnt change who you are or what you have inside, It is about who you love, who you sleep with. i will say this. I wouldnt tell them just yet. I would wait until when you meet that special person and then let them know. People are going to judge, people are going hurt your feeling, but be strong, and remember god loves you and he is the only one who can judge you. Live YOUR life and do what makes YOU happy.

You deserve to be happy…completely! Fuck what people (ignorant people as you see here) think.those that really love want you to be happy. No, it won’t be eaand everyone might not be accepting. But, is that more important than you being your true sel. Black men stay in the closet because other idiots make them feel like there’s something wrong with them. But don’t let other people’s hang ups and homophobia keep you from being happy. If they want to ateful and miserable, let them do that shit alone. You deserve to be free!

Boy I think that you might just be worrid about nothing. 9 Times outta 10 somebody knows and has relayed it back to SOMEBODY in your family & they are just waiting on you to tell them. If they can’t get with the program then its thier lost. Why should you be unhappy just to make somebody else happy. The number 1 reason married couples get divorced. Rock they world hell some of them might come out and tell you they get down 2.

its so easy to say ‘do you’ or dont mind what others say but when it comes down to it, nobody wants to lose a family member or someone you’ve loved so much for so long because of something like this. Sometimes I wish I could go back “in the closet” based on how many people I lost but I can tell you that its the most liberating feeling that you are finally you….the real you! And it wasnt as bad as I thought it was going to be (nothing really is) My mom came around after 2 days and she told me that nothing will change me being her son gay or straight, My sister was with it as soon as I told her, my dad said still loves me the same nothing has changed. I lost a few close friends but have made incredible ones. The pain of coming out lasts for a little while but its def worth it. Nubian J you are the reason Im for abortions….thats all!

Being gay is NOT a lifestyle? Last time I checked lifestyle doesn’t just mean a choice of condom brand but a manner of living that reflects the person’s attitude and values. Everywhere we go we are BOMBARDED with homosexual images (two men living together) and lyrics (check nicki minaj). The homosexual agenda is on full blast and i don’t like it one bit. I know plenty of homsexuals and they can even attest to the confusedness of their choices and ways.

You are a wonderful human being but a difficult situation has been cast upon you. Not one person in this world deserves to loose their happiness due to another person’s ignorance or lack of understanding. Its up to you to be able to reach into you heart, pray ( if that floats your boat) over it, and grasp that strength to realize that love NEVER fizzles out. and if your family truly loves you, your sexual orientation will only be a small bump in the road, and they will get over it. Sexual orienation does not define you as a person. You are your mother’s SON, not her gay son. your a BROTHER , not a gay brother. Jus as i am a DAUGHTER and not a straight daughter. Your family’s indefinite love should mask any biases. IF not, there is a life plan for you. and that plan includes an indefinite love. You may feel as if you are losing everything and everybody, but your not. You have yourself, and NOONE should/ can take that from you. there are many out there who will love you unconditionally. Surround yourself with those people, and the strength within you will grow.

You know. reading some of these posts makes me extremely happy you are not God. People up here calling this man a f@g, seriously?! God says “Take the log out of your eye before you take the speck out of mine” and “Let him who is without sin cast the first stone.” Judging this man because he is homosexual is not the business. Where in the Bible does it says “God hates f@g.” You all talking about God not liking homosexuals, did you have sex before marriage. The Bible says it is better to marry than to burn. So before you start quoting scriptures, make sure your life is in order. That is all.

Dear Avid reader,
It must be extraordinarily difficult to be you right now, as I feel your pain and frustration through your letter to Necole. Society is indoctrinated with fear of what is not easily comprehensible, and unfortunately homosexuality is one of those fears. When we are born, we have no knowledge of fear or other things that make up fear (terrorism, crime, homosexuality); our only knowledge is love because we are created from an act of love. As we grow, society introduces new ideas of things we should be afraid of, and we are taught these ideas in school, church, and even in our own families. Unfortunately, a lot of what is taught in school and especially the church is incorrect and does more harm than good. The African-American family is a great example of how religion, especially Christianity is a detriment to the Black family unit.

Religion operates with social irrelevancy and is a barrier to social growth. It perpetuates a “closed view” of the world and psychologically distorts faith. Faith in turn rejects logic and new information — hence “homosexuality is wrong” because it is new information and logically can’t be understood by faith-based individuals. Christianity has caused African-Americans to adopt a european, mythological, non-existent figure by the name of Jesus Christ, whose goal is to SEPARATE the connection of spirit with nature. Homosexuality exists in nature and is especially prevalent in the Hominidae, or the Great Apes, of which humans evolved.

With that said, I just want to say that THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU! History shows us that homosexuality has been around for years, in nature and in many civilizations. The next time someone, especially a Christian tells you that you’re wrong for being gay, tell them they’re wrong for being a Christian — because Jesus ain’t real. Peace.

WOW! What a very serious and heartfelt letter. My advice is, pray about it and ask GOD to open your heart to the message he is trying to show you about this situation.

Maybe you should write down exactly what you want to say and make a list of who you want to tell, stand in the mirror and practice your presentation and tell ONE trusted friend to come along with you as you host a get together in a public place and tell everyone all at once.

This way you can do it all at once, get it out of the way and won’t have to worry about the grapevine twisting the story. You’ll be happy that at least they heard it directly from the source.

I would probably tell my mother separately because I think mothers/fathers handle these types of situations a little differently and then they won’t be as shocked once you tell the entire family.

You will be surprised who will stand up for and support you during this time. From your letter, it sounds like you come from a very close knit family and they probably won’t trip as much as you think.

Be prepared for people to be understandably upset about your revelation but, after the smoke clears, I am sure they will rally around you in support. If they choose NOT to, then at least you know in your heart, you did what was best and that was to be TRUE to yourself FIRST and FOREMOST.

I think your family and friends will support your decision, especially if they see how much of a burden this has been on your heart and how much you have placed THEIR feelings BEFORE your own happiness.

It’s a New Year approaching. Don’t you think it’s time for you to be happy? Yes! Of course it is…..

WoW! Well you got the strength to send the email…so that’s a step…now work on your strength to tell your family. They deserve to know who you are! – If you are homosexual. Do you not want to tell them because you are not sure you’re homosexual and you’re exploring? maybe that could be your hesitation. be very sure. Ask your friends that are homosexual what steps they took. A heterosexual person won’t have the same views as far as “coming out”. Love is love…at least share with your Mom or maybe a close uncle when you feel secure and strong. Be ready for the ugly though. You’ll be ok. What you do in the dark will come to the light. Don’t let it be a situation where they “catch” you because family can be reallll nosy sometimes. That would really be uncomfortable. I just broke off a “relationship” that was full of lies by the other individual. I was tired of living a lie and being slighted by false love. There is freedom in TRUTH! Peace to you all!

WOW. Although it does say in the bible man should not lay with a man the way he lays with a women….if it will give you peace come out. The worst thing you could do is let it eat away at you. I try to be open minded when it comes to this but if your sister is religious be prepared to be preached to. I think my little cousin is gay but she hasn’t really come out yet. My aunt her grandmother tried to buy her girly clothes and her dad wasn’t having it. I’m glad you aren’t on the DL. My cousin told me when they went back to her hometown this promoter guy who is married is on the DL. Her sister works for the city as a counselor and a guy told her he had been with the man. So he is cheating on his wife with both men and women.

I would love to paint you a pretty picture, but in reality the world is a cold place. Our community still has issues with homosexuality while apparently lesbianism is the new “it” thing. I would encourage you to do what makes you feel whole as a man. Secrets are as good as they are kept. Share with those that will help you heal a hurt not those that you know will create a wound. I am a heterosexual, but there are some people I’ve dated and sexual acts that I’ve committed that would floor my family. My bedroom shananigans and relationships are my business. Baby, that’s why they call it… Personal. Take care of you first, let them figure out if they’d like.

I say go for it,but when you feel it in your heart that it’s the best time; because it’d be better for them to hear it from you than someone else, regardeless if you are in the closet. And you are living proof yourself that you can’t live to satisfy others, it will just make you unhappy; it’s as if you’re living through the lives of others. And people not taking you as who you fully are speaks for itself of why they won’t make it to your future. So don’t worry about the people in your past, because you KNOW why they won’t make it to your future. GO for it!!

Everyone said everything but i’d like to add, make sure you write in w/an update!!!!! Im sure someone is gonna say “i already knew, just waiting for you to tell me.” And forget about the ppl who are judging you, Let he who is w/out sin cast the first stone.

There is no agenda apart from the fact that they want to live just like any other person in community without the stigma and slurs. Sometimes i don’t understand why black people of all people are such homophobes. As if they do not know the process of discrimination and acceptance. Look back and see if that is not the same process, and don’t feed me that line of ‘how can you compare skin colour to homosexuality, i had no choice about which colour…’ guess what… none of us had a choice at birth to be anything.

I think maybe this is something that could be done by letter. That way he can be there when his parents read it. He should prolly let his fears of no longer being accepted be written first, then end it with his sexuality.
If he puts it in text form, then his parents won’t be put on the spot (ya know?), and he will still be there to answer any questions and/or reassure them in any way.
I wish him the best of luck, I can only imagine how hard this is to live his life secretly. I’ll def be keeping him in my thoughts.

Honestly if your that close to your friends and family, I’m sure they know u inside & out. And these “masculine things” can come across as being extra & too obvious. So go ahead and tell them, they most likely already know.

(P.s. regardless of you sleeping around with women or not FACE IT! YOU ARE ON THE D.L. honey & you should tell your family before u continue sleeping around with all these men and end up sick -if ya kno wat I mean)

@Author
You have the answer to your question however you are hiding behind the truth-which will set you free—you are loved by your family telling them who you are may hurt but I bet your family loves you more and would be there for you-seek courage in GOD and do what is best for you—which just may be telling the TRUTH!

I agree with you Necole Bitchie; but I still think that he should come out if not to his friends his family. Plus when they do stuff like get wives and the women finds out they destroy not only that women but if they have kids them as well. Its not fair that because you decide to hide who you are you destroy someone else in the process. Be you; I wouldn’t say tell everyone you work with because when you are at work do your co-workers come up to you and say “My name is Chris and I am gay” or “My name is Lisa and I am straight.” No so do you tell your family, when you feel like you can tell your friends.

@John……….how can u say I’m the reason for abortions when you guys life choices, styles or whatever u wanna see fit to acknowledge yourselves are engaging in activities that is anti creation? GTFOH!!!!! All this “do you” mantra is getting OLD GUYS!!!!!!! Sorry for the strong posts but I’m REALLY getting tired of this. I say stay in the closet and live your lives among yourselves instead of having you homosexuals use the world as a venting mechanism to showcase your demons in order for you to be accepted because your affecting alot of children and it’s not fair.

@Necole Bitchie and all else who respond. This is a serious matter (Not AKA..lol) but I know as fellow humans we would love to give our advice and we should; however, I just want all to realize his situation is a lot deeper than what meets the eye. This type of situation needs professional help/guidance. What ever that decision this young mane makes will have a major impact on his life forever and he needs to be very cautious in moving. @Manda comment->”If people can’t accept you for who you are, they don’t deserve to have you in their lives. I wish you all the best.” I feel your intentions but that so subjective n opinionated to put on someone else. All families have their own morals, values n beliefs. Although you are willing to drop your people b/c of personal reasons others may feel that’s not wise..they are just as right as you. Honestly This young man needs to decide what he values as an individual and move from there. Again, a professional counselor/therapist would be able to help him with that. Necole I luv that your heart is in the right place..keep it up!!

Here’s the thing about coming out the closet…I told my fam about 3 years ago I was 19 that I was gay and they just kinda shrugged and never mentioned it again. My sister was like you wanna talk about it? but then she goes on making jokes like ‘just stop being gay already’. It’s almost like a big joke.. my fam really doesn’t take it seriously..so my advice is to do you! and you seriously it’s not the end of the world when you come out… it’s more for you then for them so it’s a judgement call. but like rihanna says “Just live your life! ain’t got no time for no hata”

Honestly “An avid fan of your blog,” a very close friend of mine sounds very similar to you. Like I explained to him, do not deprive yourself of life and love because you are fearful of others opinions about you. Like the saying goes “By living everyday regretting who you are, you are only wasting the life that you were given.” Just live and be happy. Those who despise your sexual identity were not ppl that are not supposed to be in your life anyways. True love always shows strongest when you’re growing into your true self.

come out the closet for ur happiness, with that said this is another reason why there are alot of single black wome,n most of our brothers are gay so i guess black women arent catching up so its time to become lesbians if u cant find a decent man LOOOOL

I feel that you have to do what is in your heart. Just know that at the end of the day you will be excepted and if not then that should be ok too. You should not continue to hide who you are, society is ruff but these are choices that is clearly beyond your control. I believe you can not help who you are. I believe I have a son struggling with the same issues, and trying to find himself and I watch his struggle of not knowing who he is or even maybe why. I love him unconditionally as MOST parents would and just want to help in with the acceptance of the situation. Make your decisions wisely but free yourself of the lies so you too can move on with your life and live it as you see fit. You are a grown man now it is time for you to step up and make the right decisions for YOURSELF. I wish you all the best!!!!

I think gay ppl come out of the closet because society is built around man/woman per say so when you don’t bring home any girlfriends n u are male ppl will begin to wonder/ask questions and when u are ready to bring home a date and its not female then u r coming out the closet on that aspect. I don’t think gay ppl shl live n shame/secret heterosexual couples do them and gays shld do the same!

My cuz came out at 15/16 he is an only child his mother n father both cont. To love n support him.

@Manda I totally agree w/ ur comment to Nubianj cuz I was completely appalled by their comment. Life is what you make it young man and if you want to live the life that was intended for you then you have to come out it would be detrimental to your health. Stressin yourself out about this matter will only kill you slowly within. I have a gay male cousin and we all love him to death he is an integral part of our family no matter what we go through he is there for you always. I know in this society we easily accept women as homosexual but not men but I’m from the city of Lady Chablis and all homosexuality is accepted here. You have to live your life for you. Let Go and God cuz once it is said and done all you can do is move forward. I wish everyone had an open minded family. I’m glad I do.

Life is too short to be unhappy. Enjoy who you are. If your family and friends really love you and care about your happiness they will eventually come around. At the end of the day when your laying in your bed all that matters if you are happy. Once you do it you will feel so much better. Let that be your motivation. Good luck. I wish you nothing but the best

DON’T LET ANYBODY JUDGE YOU. BE WHO YOU ARE. YOUR FAMILY IS GONNA HAVE TO LOVE YOU AND ACCEPT YOU THE WAY YOU ARE. IF PEOPLE TELLS YOU THAT YOU ARE GOING TO HELL FOR BEING GAY IS NOT TRUE. LET GOD COME DOWN AND TELL YOU SO AND THEN WORRY ABOUT IT, BUT IS NOT GONNA HAPPEN BECAUSE GOD LOVES YOU NO MATTER WHAT, SO GET THE HELL OUT OF THE CLOSET AND IF YOUR FAMILY DOESNT LOVE YOU THE SAME, THEN MOVE WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND. STOP BEING MISERABLE FOR MAKING OTHER PEOPLE HAPPY. BE SELFISH AND THINK ABOUT YOURSELF….MUCH LOVE FOR YOU. GOD BLESS!!!!

This makes me want sad after reading more comments.. My BF is a gay black man and before him I was sooooo homophobic and Im a woman!!! lol but he opened my eyes and I see how easy it is to condemn a whole community for a few peoples action. As above this man clearly stated his done not have sex with woman but someone called him all kinds of names that I wont retype. To be on the DL and covering up by marrying and sexing women is sooo foul and wrong. But to want to love someone freely, even if that person is the same sex as yourself, is your choice. If people really care about you they’ll be in your corner. My BF lost his father brother and a few friends when he came out last year. But as someone else said above his mom was understanding since she already suspected. And fast forward to today everyone who was in life last year is still there now. It took time for his dad to understand but he did. This may not be the case for everyone I know. But just remember God closes doors for a reason. And opens them just the same. Everybody be blessed!!

Lawdy, come on out of the closet so women will not know not to pursue. It’s probably not as hidden as you think it is with the fact him being gay .The family probably just waiting on your confirmation. These days I think all men are gay until proven otherwise.lolol

If people can’t love you for who you are, and will abandon you because of your sexual preference, you don’t need them anyway…Be true to yourself and try to do good by as many people as possible. Pray and ask God for guidance. Although it says in the Holy Bible that he does not favor your lifestyle, he knows what is in your heart and if you are a good person, he will never leave you. We all have our own crosses to bear. He understands as long as we are actively trying to work through and resolve our issues. Just know that you are loved–even by people that you don’t know.

Sweety, Come out the closet if you want to there is nothing wrong with loving.. If you love women that’s fine, and if you love men that’s fine also. Just prepare yourself in case they take it hard and if the love you they will understand. If not you will be trimming the fat of all the fakeness. Your real loved ones and real friend’s will need time to digest but they will get over it.. Hey you might be surprised of the outcome, they might take it well..YOU DIDN’T KILL ANYONE..LOVE!!

I don’t ever comment here but your story has compelled me to do so. It’s amazing to me because you sound JUST like my bff. I thought for a second that you were him with all the similarities. Anyway, I will tell you exactly what I told him. You will come to a place in your life where you will tell them, consequences be damned. You may be attached to a loving family but at the same time you were born into this world alone to find your own path to happiness. As you said yourself, your sanity is a stake and the only person who can keep you whole is yourself. I wouldn’t ever compare myself to someone in your position but I there was a time in my life where I struggled with my own family accepting me. I went through so much pain and heartache that I went into many deep depressions and became lost into myself.
After many years of struggling with anxiety over the acceptance that I so desperately wanted, a very wise woman told me something that has stayed with me every moment of every day. She said that not everyone in the world is going to accept you for you who are or even understand you and what you’re about so “fuck em.” That woman was my mother and it surprised the hell out of me that she would use that word as a word of encouragement to me but it worked and here I am. Inside my “fuck em bubble” where no one can say a damn thing to me and I am a better person for it. As far as you know you only have one life so keep yourself whole and happy and loved by yourself. I hope and wish the best for you and many others in your position. Good luck in the new year.

@Army………..oh no! I’m very much strictly dickly! I can say my piece if I want to. Just because I don’t fall onto the “do you” bandwagon which is almost starting to sound like propaganda doesn’t mean I don’t have a right to say how I feel.

Before reading any of the other comments, I would just say to the young man who is in the closet to just walk in truth. Even if folk don’t agree with your truth, honesty is something most folk respect along with the courage to live honestly.
It will be difficult to tell your family, but after that moment of courage honey your truth will set you free from pretending, hiding, lying etc and even if they do take it hard, love will bring them around eventually. I have to say I am so glad to hear in your letter that you are not living that cowardly, trifling, selfish, down low lifestyle either..its one thing to be openly gay chile but its another to live that foul ass lie by being DL..so on that note BE your true self and know that only GOD can judge that!

I would just like to say that I will keep you in my prayers that the Lord will give you peace of mind and give your family and friends a understanding hearts! I know how difficult it is to carry a secret…I have one myself(not about my sexuality) and when I get ready and secure enough, I will share with those who need to know! But can I be honest…I believe that homosexuality is “spirit” that you can be delivered from, if you choose. Seek out pastoral counseling or just drop your knees and ask God for healing! We all have issues that we struggle with everyday…nobody is perfect not even your “bible thumping sister” I hope i didn’t offend you, but I just believe in Man, Woman and Child, but whatever you choose, I will still love you brother, because that’s my job…”To Love People, Not Change People” GOD BLESS!!

@ Nubian J, that is because it is the only way they will be able to be accepted by some people. The money is like a shield from the the slurs and stigma. Can you blame them? Hell black people used to go into music and sports to gain recognition and be accepted by white people. Same process.

OK I KNOW HOW HE FEELS, CAUSE I AM GAY. AND CLOSE TO HIS AGE. BUT MY FAMILY I CAME OUT TO THEM AND THEY ARE COOL WIT IT, AS LONG AS ITS IN CLASS, AND IM NOT TRYIN TO BE A WOMEN. BUT I DO HAVE FRIENDS LIKE THIS.. THEY ARE THEIR FATHERS ONLY SONS, AND ATHLETES AND ALL. AND ITS ALWAYS US, THAT THE WOMEN LIKE. CAUSE WE HAVE IT 2GETHER AND ATTRACTIVE. BUT HEY IT IS WAT IT IS.

I WOULD SAY… THINK IT OUT ATLEAST TWO MORE YEARS… TELL UR MOM AND SISTER,CAUSE THEY MITE NOT AGREE WITH UR LIFESTYLE BUT THEY WILL YET LOVE U.. AND KEEP IT ON THE HUSH ELSE WHERE.. IM SURE 1 OF UR MALE FRIENDS IS DEALING WIT THE SAME ISSUE. I FOUND THAT ALL FRIENDS U CANT TELL ..AND SOME AS LONG AS U COOL WIT THEM.. THEIR COOL WIT U.

I’m a 23 y.o. gay black male going through the same EXACT situation. From reading the comments I get the sense that the general population hasn’t a CLUE how pervasive this situation is. Unfortunately the author’s dilemma is quite common. Some of you say that he should do what makes him happy and come out, but the catch 22 is that opening himself up to potential rejection and constant judgment by society does not necessarily equate to happiness either. The reality is that being a black male who is gay is a HARD life largely because of the burden society places on us. Good luck brother, but there is no right answer and I similarly am TIRED of lying but AFRAID to speak the truth. = (

The only advice that I can pass to you is – Live for yourself! You cannot make everyone happy and at the end of the day it’s not about making others happy. It’s about living and enjoying your life to the fullest and you can’t do that trying to live out a fantasy life for the satisfaction of others. Come out, tell the truth and those who truly love you will stick by yourside. Yeah, it may take them a little time but eventually they should come around. If they don’t, then just look at that as a sign that you didn’t really need them in your life anyways. Trust in God and live for him because in the end that’s really all that matters!

BTW I have a aunt who is gay and been “doing her” for years. I’ve hung around the gay community for a while and you don’t know what they go through behind closed doors. They might all seems happy on the surface and some KNOW it’s wrong or unnatural but with all you women with this “do you” “live ya life” “its cool don’t worry about it” is really adding more fuel to a fire. It’s like your telling them to come out and be gay and it gonna be the death to them.

CrackisWack…I think some of us do know, just how many black men are gay and bi, the avg person probably doesn’t, but some of us don’t have the luxury of being naive!
Still the truth is better than lying hon..you said yourself you are tired of being bound by lies, free yourself.

Wow!! Big Dilemma that only you can choose when the time is right! I can only imagine what u r going thru!! but as many have already said you cant worry about others when your living your own life. Trying to make other people happy while hindering your own happiness will only make you hate them in the long run! My cousin came out when she was 21 and she was soooo scared to tell us and I couldn’t understand why? Her mom took it the hardest and even stopped speakin to her for a couple months but she got through it! If your family is as holy and as christ-like as u say then they should honor God’s word an let him be the judge of u! I will never believe that God makes mistakes, we cant help who we love or who we are! I have a 4 year old son who i think is confused about his sexuality because he wants to be a girl, I LOVE MY SON with all my being regardless!, its the world that I am terrified of and the fact that I cannot protect him from the hate. You’d think as common as it is in this day and age that people would be more accepting, but ultimately Do what makes YOU happy when other see how happy u r they cant help but embrace it!! Expect that there will be shock maybe disgust or anger but thats apart of the reveal so just be ready for it!!! WIshing you all the happiness and Love that God has to offer you in this World!!!

NubianJ its really sad that you felt the need to be so disrespectful this man is going through a similar situation as your mama did whether to swallow or not and she choose to give you triflin ass life so let him and us live ours and you live yours you sorry excuse for a human i hope one day you know the pain that really comes with life decisions etc like metioned before you are the reason abortions needs to stick around they should retrograde with you triflin self.

@OrangeStar16 You are right. The truth is better than lying and that is why I so desperately want to be truthful as does the author of the letter, i’m sure. But, I am honestly afraid to lose the support of loved ones. So many of my friends who have come out were ostracized by their families, some even kicked out onto the streets. I’m currently a student and my entire life as I know it would come crumbling down if I didn’t have the support (financial and emotional) of my family.

I AGREE WHOLE HEARTEDLY WITH NUBIAN AND CLOUD 21!THE REST OF YALL COMMENTS ARE SICKENING!THATS WHATS WRONG WITH THE WORLD NOW WE ARE STRAYING TOO FAR FROM WHAT GOD DESIGNED THIS WORLD 2 BE!NO IM NOT HOMOPHOBIC BUT THAT SCHIT IS UN NATURAL!2 MEN ARE NOT SUPPOSE 2 B 2GETHER!THAT IS A DEMON!IM TEACHIN MY SON THAT IF HE DECIDES 2 B GAY HE IS GOIN 2 GET AIDS AND DIE WHICH IS INEVITABLY EVERY GAY MANS DEMISE!MY BROTHER WAS GAY AND HE DIED FROM AIDS 4 YEARS AGO!I LOVED HIM NO LESS BECUZ OF IT AND WOULD LISTEN 2 HIS RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS N OFFER ADVICE BUT I HATED THE FACT THAT HE WAS GAY!HE WOULD STILL B HERE WITH US IF HE HADNT BEEN!IT SICKENS ME HOW IN UR FACE BEING GAY IS NOW..LIKE THE SCHIT IS NATURAL!FUKK THAT!IM SCARED 2 LET MY SON WATCH TV CUZ 9 TIMES OUT OF 10 SUM GAY SCHIT IS GONNA BE ON LIKE THE SHCIT IS NORMAL!! DATING SHOW 4 GAYS..SITCOMS WITH MEN KISSING EACH OTHER!COME ON NOW! GOD INTENDED FOR A MAN 2 B WITH A WOMAN SO THE CIRCLE OF LIFE CAN KEEP GOING!2 MEN CAN NOT CONCEIVE A CHILD!PPL R LOSING FOCUS OF THE MAIN PLAN AND ITS SICKENING! SAY WHAT U WANT BUT ITS NOT RIGHT NOR IS IT NATURAL!ITS A DEMON AND CONFUSION!IF U WERE BORN GAY U WERE BORN WITH A DEMON!REBUKE IT!!

NubianJ-I love myself to much to kill myself plus unlike you I have a wonderful life so I would never think about doing anything like that; you on the other hand seem like a very lonely person with no life, the only joy you get is haten on people. Go work on yourself before you start commenting on what someone should do with there life you degenerate dckhead. Your mother should have digested you instead of having vaginal sex! You are the reason they invented abortion. Someone should come over and vacuum your a@@ up right now with a large abortion tube!

Look at this post for instance. As much as I lurk and use to post until i guess now, now all the in the closet homosexuals are coming out the woodworks wanna tell their story and feel sorry for them. I ain’t havin it! Damn what you say! My BFF’s cousin is afraid to come out and while my very best friend in the whole world is telling him to “do you” I’m telling him he needs to pray and get rebuked because his choice is wicked. We still cool but he knows I can’t hang out with him like that because of how I feel. He called recently and was perplexed about how he feels and what he should do just like alot of them. HE’S A CHURCH CHOIR DIRECTOR! If you ask me I think he’s acting gay because he’s not a looker and he’s liking men because men are liking him.

@ Nubian J, whatever they go through behind their closed doors is for them to deal with without adding reject in society. How does that work out? They are gay and nothing can change it. How can you be happy when everyone is looking down on you and calling you all types of names/slurs.

Ps, all races are homophobes. Not only black people, so the homosexuals have to deal with rejects from the entire human population that is bigoted.

Unfortunately man, u are human you have decided to go with the urge of having sex with a man because it intrigues you, it may come off as fun it is a phase any human goes through it whether they admit it or not as a woman you are just curious as a man you wonder wht it would be like but it is a decision to lean 1 way or the other and you have decided to continue messing with men so being that God does not make any one on earth homosexual you have decided to become that and it is not your familys fault but their decision to choose to accept it. You need to pray about it and repent because it is a sin.

I have to agree with Manda 1000%!! Why is it the first thing people want to yell out when talking about gay people is Sin and the Bible like thats the only sin in there? And wonder why the man is afraid to be honest??? I for one am not gay but I am sho nuff a sinner so I will NOT condemn the next man I will pray for him, which is what you hypocrites need to do!!

God will lead you to people, places, and things that will help in whatever issue you may be having. Don’t be quick to judge and condemn because no one on this thread is perfect. The best thing to do(besides posting references to scriptures)is to pray for him.

@NubianJ IF YOU READ THE LETTER THE GUY CLEARLY SAID HE DOESNT DATE WOMEN ANYMORE. HE HAS ONLY BEEN WITH MEN. AND YOUR OTHER COMMENTS ARE OFF THE CHAIN! BUT HEY YOU ARE ENTITLED TO YOUR OPINION

@KASHA…ARENT THEIR GAY MEN AND WOMEN EVERYWHERE SO WHEREVER U DECIDE TO RAISE CHILDREN THEY ARE GOING TO SEE GAY INDIVIDUALS. SO WHAT YOU SAID ABOUT ATLANTA IS JUST SILLY. GAY PEOPLE ARE EVERYWHERE SO YOU CANT AVOID THEM. THEY ARE ON TV SO YOUR FUTURE CHILDREN IN SOME WAY SHAPE OR FORM WILL SEE THEM. HEY THEY MIGHT GO TO SCHOOL WITH THEM…HA

Wow this a hard one. I will just say pray about it and ask God to guide you. I IN NO WAY HATE GAYS. However my religion will not allow me to accept it, just liek many other things that people do (including myself which im working on). Just ask God for advice. 2 of my sisters are gay and I DO NOT ACCEPT THAT, however i love them no different, i always tell her to pray. If your family love you they will love you no differnet BUT that doesnt mean they will accept it. I will pray for you myself. God bless.

@htown the bible speaks on love as well please find those scriptures and read them ASAP. A sin is a sin be it lying, cheating, stealing, fornicating etc gays are no more sinners than anybody else if you believe being gay is a sin that is.

All of these people in here who are quoting God and the Bible need to sit down. I go to church, I read the Bible and never have I seen anything saying that God hates gay people. Hypocrites, I swear. Do you really think this young man would WANT to be gay? Seriously. He has probably tried to “change”, but that is who he is. Don’t judge him.
And to the brave young man who wrote this letter, keep your sanity and tell your family how you feel. If they really love you, they will be there for you no matter what or who you are. Don’t let anyone judge you but GOD himself. I hope you find peace with this situation, I wish you all the best.

I will say this I don’t get down with men being fags gay homo or whatever… But I find that I have much more respect for a man who is open about his sexuality and that even if he is so called Bi because at least he is offering an option to all whether they can choose to except or reject your personal decision to me that called fair. But to live a lie compromise self and those who unknowingly get involved. As for your family they will love you as a person no matter what but you can never force anyone family & so called friends to except your way or life or living cause their morals will never be your morals high or low. But I hope that you face your fears. If you owe truth to NO one else, you owe it to YOU. Cause the man in the mirror is the only one you have to live with and wake up to daily true happiness is not caring what other think about you, cause everyone has an opinion on everyone but themselves SMDH & in some form or fashion each of us are living so type of lie. So you think about you and ultimately they will treat you how you treat yourself & RESPECT yourself!!

It is a good thing that necole rarely post topics on straight forward racism. I would love to see some people speak against it. Because all i would say is that some deserve it. But hold on… they would not have a problem with racism because they share the same hate and tendencies as homophobes.

Don’t fail at being someone you’re not. Succeed at being who you are. I failed at trying to act like a straight guy and you will too because we aren’t straight. However I am succeeding at being the best damn gay guy I can be. lol

P.S. It’s not that bad being out and gay. I don’t know why some people think it’s the end of the world….

He should come out the closet. There is nothing worse then having to lie to your family and yourself. Be strong and tell the truth.

With that said…. Are there no more good, straight, black men out there. I might as well keep this name because I know its a fact after watching that dateline interview. Black women please cross over and date out your racew because the black man aint worth an indian nickel. SMMFH.

I have a close friend who was/is in a similiar situation. He is 25 years old, and he has not come out to EVERYONE in his family, and honestly he probably never will. But he has come out to select family members (a gay uncle) and his closest friends (myself included). From the outside looking in, he seems to be more at piece with his decision to tell ONLY select people.

Coming from a reglious household myself, I could only imagine how being in your shoes must feel. My solution to your problem is to NOT tell everyone all at once. I suggest confiding in a few people. That way you can at least be open and honest with someone as opposed to just you and your significant other.

I don’t beleive your sexuality will feel like a HUGE secret if someone else knows that you love and trust. At least this way you will have someone to talk to.

As you feel more comfortable, begin to tell more and more people. But I wouldn’t suggest telling everyone at the same time. It could do more harm than good.

GIGI
I DONT HATE GAY PPL..I HATE THE EXISTENCE AND THE ACT!SAY WHAT U WANT BUT ITS NOT NATURAL!U CANT SIT UO HERE N TELL ME THAT GOD IS OKAY WITH MEN SLEEPING WITH MEN!IF ITS WAS SUPPOSE 2 B THAT WAY THEN MAN WOULD NEVER EXIST!IF IT WAS SUPPOSE 2 B THAT WAY THEN THERE WOULD B NO SUCH THING AS AIDS!THE FACT THAT THE WORLD IS OKAY WITH 2 MEN BEING TOGETHER IS APPALING!NOT ONLY MEN BUT WOMEN TOO!

They make homosexual movies, songs, cartoons, billboards, have them on tv shows buying property, clothing and etc and even put them in positions of power in politics and organizations and the worst of all preachers, pastors and “supposed” men of the cloth standing behind homosexuality and BEING homosexual themselves and I can’t believe ppl don’t see the propaganda behind the agenda. Their teaching it in schools to young kids so when their generation is older they are more tolerate and acceptable of cross dressing flaming fags and hardcore thug homosexuals and think it’s ok. It’s not just within the black community but in all community as well. I think we would have less of them if we let them know it’s NOT ok…..not kill them but firmly state our claim and stop perpetuating it like with this stupid ass post Necole decided to write because I guess she needed blog hits.

Thanks Lovely! It just amazes me how people talk about God, and what he said and what’s pleasing to him all while spreading negativity and hate…I mean is that not the biggest contradiction ever!! I don’t know what God they talking about because the Father of Jesus Christ is a God of Love, and Forgiveness for ALL!!!

THE MAGNITUDE 0F IGN0RANCE DISPLAYED 0N THIS C0MMENT IS AMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAZING.
I AM A 19 YEAR 0LD [ LESBIAN ] FEMALE AND CAN C0MPLETELY UNDERSTAND WHERE THIS READER IS C0MING FR0M. I LIVE IN AN AREA THAT HAS A VERY LARGE GAY P0PULATION ( N0, N0T ATL ), AND HAVE ENC0UNTERED MANY FRIENDS WH0 ARE GR0WN ASS MEN AND AFRAID T0 C0ME 0UT BECAUSE 0F THE STIGMAS ATTATCHED T0 BEING GAY. LIKE S0ME0NE STATED BEF0RE, LESBIANISM IS THE NEW ‘IT’ THING, S0 I WAS LUCKY WHEN I BEGAN T0 FINALLY ACKNOWLEDGE MY SEXUALITY [ AND N0 I DIDNT CH00SE IT.. IT WAS ALWAYS FACT..I JUST ‘CH0SE’ T0 IGN0RE IT AND ATTEMPT T0 BE STRAIGHT ]. F0R NUBIAN J T0 SAY THAT any GAY PERSON WILL SAY THAT BEING H0M0SEXUAL IS C0LD AND L0NELY AND THAT ” THE SURFACE LOOKS NICE, BUT ITS UNHAPPY AND death 0N THE INSIDE ” IS A CROCK OF SH*T!
YOU SAY THAT AS IF THERE ARE NOT T0NS 0F HETEROSEXUAL PEOPLE WH0 ARE UNHAPPY WITH THEMSELVES AND THEIR LIVES. NEWS FLASH, N0B0DY IS PERFECT, N0 MATTER WHAT THEIR RACE, CREED, MONETARY STATUS, OR WHATEVER!! PEOPLE ARE G0NNA BE UNHAPPY AT 0NE POINT OR ANOTHER.. BUT I WILL TELL YOU THIS:: COMING OUT TO MY FAMILY, ALLOWING MY MOTHER TO really KNOW WHO HER DAUGHTER IS HAS FURTHERED MY PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS HONEY. WITNESSING MY MOTHER AND MY FEMALE FIANCE SPEND TIME TOGEHTER, BOND, AND HANG OUT… HEARING MY MOM ASK ABOUT MY GIRLFRIEND AND HER WELL BEING… HAVING MY MOM BUG AND BEG ME TO INVITE HER OVER FOR ANOTHER WKND CAUSE SHE ADORES HER SO MUCH… HONEY… YOU CANT TELL ME THAT THAT ISNT SOMETHING THAT HETEROSEXUAL COUPLES STRIVE FOR.! SO DONT EVEN TRY TO ATTEMPT TO TELL THIS MAN THAT HE IS DOOMED FOR UNHAPPINESS SHOULD HE DECIDE TO COME OUT. TRUE, HIS FAMILY MAY NOT ACCEPT IT TO BEGIN WITH, BUT THEIR LOVE FOR HIM WILL PREVAIL DESPITE HIS SEXUAL ORIENTATION.

GOOD LUCK ‘AVID READER’… MY FAMILY TOOK IT WITH A GRAIN OF SALT TO BEGIN WITH, BUT AS YOU CAN SEE ^^, THE ONE PERSON WHO HAD THE BIGGEST ISSUE WITH IT [ MY MOTHER ] HAS GOTTEN OVER IT AND LOVES MY GF AS IF SHE WERE HER OWN CHILD.

The way is see it is, if he comes out to is family and friends and they accept him then GREAT!!! But if he comes out and they dont accept him, then I guess he just found out how they really feel about him. If they do not love you NO MATTER what. Then they dont love you at all.

Its so funny that nubian would tell someone to kill themselves and then talk about being strictly dickly! Unless ure married aren’t u going to the same hell and the homosexuals? And ure hateful on top of it. Doesn’t the bible say love thy neighbore,as someone else pointed out? Doesn’t this young man need to talk to someone whatever the case may be? if he doesn’t come out of the closet and has to deal with this alone and continue to put up a front and then does kill himself, how is his family gonna feel about that dumb ass? Go play in traffic!

OH HELL TO THE NAW!!! As a black woman i def do not want gay men to go back in the closet (i.e AIDS —HELLO!!)
I still say for the man above to do him and with that said… (deep breath lol)
honestly I can understand where @Nubian J is coming from *to a certain extent*.
In America to be gay now is def much more accepted than it used to be. Homosexuality is being forced down our throats everywhere you turn. Its not completely accepted as we can see from the poster above but it is much more out there in the open now. Most people are not very accepting of gays, but we have to deal with it now because again everywhere you go there it is. In movies in magazines in songs and especially women, this lesbian thing has been made to seem like its whats up nowadays. And gays are like the goddamn superpower right now. Running shit. See what happened to the black actor for calling someone a fag but Imus can say whatever he likes and still have a job?? In my hometown they recently cancelled a reggae concert because the gay pride parade was going on and the gays protested the artist because of his lyrics which are derogatory against homosexuality. So all of us who bought tickets had to go back for a refund which makes me question where are the rights for straight people? Gays can boycott concerts they never planned on attending but if someone disagrees with their lifestyle they are evil, hating, etc etc.??? Just somn to think about I guess.
And @tori YOU SEEM REALLY RACIST. EVERY COMMENT OF YOURS IS NIGGER THIS AND BLACK PEOPLE THAT AND BLACK WOMAN THIS.. IF YOU ARENT BLACK HOW TF DO YOU KNOW WHAT BLACK PEOPLE THINK FEEL AND DO????
THAT WAS MY 2 CENTS FOR TODAY EVERYONE BE BLESSED!! @NECOLE BTW I LUVVVVVV YOUR BLOG!!!

nubian j dont listen to thses demons. homo is an abomination its worse than sin. this gay needs to pray. god will not accept this no matter how much u pray you will not enter the kingdom. god is the same as he was yesterday and homo is a abomination worse than sin thats why its catorgerized as an abomination

Suck it up and find you a woman. Too many black men are turning out to be gay. Why is that? And I bet this person is from GayTL.

It’s disgusting and disgraceful. Your family and friends will disown you if you reveal this to them. DON’T LISTEN TO THESE PEOPLE ON HERE. KEEP THIS TO YOUR SELF PARTNER. AND MAN UP BECAUSE THIS RIGHT HERE AIN’T A GOOD LOOK.

lmao………now i’m ignant because you guys try SO HARD to convince the world and yourselves your sooooooo happy……I knew this posts would bring out all the flaming pillow biters, licking lezbos and all in between SMH.

God isn’t okay with premarital sex, stealing, adultery, murder, judging others & havig babies out of wedlock but I’m sure most on here judging him have done allllll that and some. Him being gay isn’t going to send him to hell any quicker than any of those other sins so save it. I can’t stand sinners who judge others sinners.

Also LEARN…learn about religion and it’s origins…learn about why people have the attitudes they do towards gay people..learn about gay history(just like we learn about black history, it helps you appreciate yourself more)…just learn more and you will love yourself more.

These rude or negative comments that are being written are by people who don’t know anything about gay people. They are ignorant. People who are educated about what it means to be gay will not have bad things to say to you. Trust me….

oh one last thing.. the majority on this post agree its ok to be gay.. there are only a handful who are disagreeing. They were being being slaughtered for having a different opinion and the words they used to express it. but check the same people and some of the names and things they said to those who didnt agree…
SMDH you cant throw stones if you live in a glass house yall..

Nubian J : u stupid cunt, you dont choose to be gay ur simply born that way.
Its all lays in the amygdale, a little part of the brain!!
Studying the amygdale showed that gay men’s brains have similar patterns to straight women, and gay women to straight men.

OH WOOOW… IF YOU WANT TO CALL ME A ‘LESBO LICKER’ OR WTF EVER, SO BE IT. I DONT CARE. I DONT HAVE TO CONVINCE ANYONE THAT IM HAPPY HONEY. I’LL CONTINUE TO BE HAPPY WHETHER you ACCEPT ME OR NOT. WHAT YOU SHOULD BE ASKING YOURSELF IS…ARE you HAPPY?? YOU’RE COMING ON SOMEONE’S BLOG THATS DISCUSSING SOMETHING THAT YOU CLEARLY DETEST, LOOKING TO MAKE CONTROVERSIAL COMMENTS AND GAIN A WEE BIT OF NOTORIETY. GTFU @NUBIAN AND @SOWHAT. I HOPE THAT THE ‘GOD’ THAT YOU’RE CLAIMING TO BE A CONDITIONAL GOD IS ABLE TO OVERLOOK THE FACT THAT YOU ARE ASSUMING HIS POSITION BY BEING JUDGEMENTAL.

I also can’t believe that ppl think that if they don’t accept you that they dont love you. Hold on…………. i have to cap this………..IF THAT AIN’T THE MOST IGNANT THE MOST ASININE STATEMENT I HAVE EVER HEARD IN MY ENTIRE LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh boy i had to say that. Parents for the most part gonna love you duh but to be accepting of your lifestyle or lack there of doesn’t mean they don’t love you. Maybe they don’t want to be responsible for aiding in your foolishness and they have every right to be. God loves us but He will…….let me say this loud………HE WILL TURN YOU AWAY JUST AS YOU DID HIS WORD. I mean God destroyed the world because of homosexuality, not for lying not for cheating but for HOMOSEXUALITY! If that don’t tell you how He feels about it then I don’t know what does.

Kick the closet door down!! I’m willing to bet that they already know. If this isn’t my cousin writing the letter, i have a family member in the EXACT SAME situation… reilgious family, couple of “manly brothers”… super religious sister. I’ve noticed him shying away from more and more family functions, “acting” like he’s into girls when it’s super obvious that these girlfriends are strictly platonic. I have felt like he was since he was about 14.

his situation is a difficult one. the readers can give him all the advice in the world, but what ultimately matters is how he feels and how he’s going to deal with the situation. being a black man in this world seems hard enough, but being a black, gay man is even harder. and i just hope he realizes that ‘coming out’ will unfortunately make his family and friends uncomfortable, but i believe in the end his happiness will outshown some of the negativity.

LMAO it is funny how this little girl is on here talking about she is strictly dickly and telling this man to stay in the closet. Sure hope she doesn’t find out the little boy that she has been sleeping with likes dick too because he felt that he couldn’t come out of the closet!

This is a seriously sensitive issue in our community. To the brother that has the issue – you should come out of the closet slowly. Drop hints and ask vague questions about the subject. Gauge their reactions. If you feel that the response will be extremely negative, dont even go through with it. It’s your life. My family does not accept my marriage but it’s my life. They (family) makes their decisions whom to love and you should be able have that same choice. And you deserve to be happy. So if the world can’t handle you and who you are, F&%# them! They will get over it or they only loved the image of you. Not really you.

I struggled with the same issues when I was younger. My mother knows my sexual orientation and despite her personal feelings, she loves me just the same.

We can’t change people’s opinion on an overall subject, but we can change people’s perception about ourselves.

If you feel as though your personal journey will be happier with the truth being out there, then by all means, be free. Be willing and open to take the good with the bad. There are very cruel people in our own world, family & friends, that will test you. Stay true to yourself and be the beautiful and loving person you are.

It may seem like a tough and rough road for awhile, but eventually, people deal and love you all the same.

Fair warning, there will be some ignorant, perhaps comical, mishaps from well meaning loved ones (gay clubs, matchmaking, misconceptions). Just remember, they doing it out of love.

As for the religious aspect, remember: we’re all sinners. It’s our everyday actions, efforts, and good hearts that will rule over out personal struggles. No real Christian will spew hate of any kind towards another because of their desire to love another human. You’re not hurting anyone, being dishonest (to women), and being reckless with other’s health.

OOOOOOOOOHHHH WOW! DID YOU CHOOSE TO BE STRAIGHT?? DID YOU COME OUT OF THE WOMB DECIDING THAT YOU WANTED TO BE THE ORIENTATION THAT YOU ARE?? NO.! SO WHY IS IT SO HARD TO BELIEVE THAT A HOMOSEXUAL CAME OUT OF THE WOMB WITH THEIR ORIENTATION?? AND IM ALSO AMAZED AT IT BEING SAID THAT GOD WANTS US TO BE JUDGEMENTAL…. I LITERALLY HAVE NO WORDS FOR THAT.// BUT THIS BLOG WAS INTENDED TO HELP THIS MAN WITH HIS WOE OVER WHETHER TO // HOW TO COME OUT. IVE SAID MY PIECE, SO… PEACE.

Nubian J, aren’t you the same one on the other post talking about how you masturbate to Mr. Marcus’ porno flicks, oh but God is gonna usher you into heaven over a gay person. Sweetie, watching other people fornicate is the same in God’s eyes as having sex with someone of the same sex. Please preach about something else, ‘kay!

This is a sensitive topic. No sin is bigging than the other but homosexuality is an abominiation. None of us are without sin and no one is perfect, so to say you hate this and that is committing a sin right there. Instead of preaching hate, just pray for the people. No need in sprewing hate. I pray for my sisters everyday and they are gay. I will never accept it, but i damn sure will nevr tell them i hate them nor their partners. I love them no less.

what is the problem loving women? it’s nothing like a woman touch my nig ya’ll trippin foreal.to the dude go get u some cooter being gay is a sin,killing ppl is a sin,robbin is a sin…i wanna know who started this gay quest because it became outrageous.GET YOU A WOMAN AND BE HAPPY

No wire, dark skin women need to pick better mates than they won’t be alone raising kids. My baby’s father is straight, with two kids by two different women and on his third marriage, but I guess that is better than being in a devoted relationship with someone who happens to be of the same sex.

Matthew 7:1-23
“Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye. “Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and then turn and tear you to pieces. “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened. “Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets. “Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it. “Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves. By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? Likewise every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them. “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. Many will say to me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and in your name drive out demons and perform many miracles?’ Then I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!’

ALOS KEEP CAN PRAY AND RE PENT ALL YOU WANT BUT IF YOU KEEP LIVING THE SMAE LIFESTYLE ITS REALLY NOT DOING ANYTHING. JUST ASK GOD TO GUIDE YOU.
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And being gay IS a lifestyle no matter if you were born with it or not. U choose to keep living that way, its not liKE if you dont you will die. Just the same as smoking weed, drinkiing, fornication. By nature we all get horny or whatever by a certain age, does that mean fornicate, pray, re pent and then continue to do it. NO ONE CAN HELP YOU LIKE GOD.

@GIGI…tHAT IS TRUE GOD IS A GOD OF LOVE AND A GOD OF WRATH..HE WANTS YOU TO BE HAPPY IN THE THINGS THAT HE DESIRES FOR YOU TO DO..NOT IN THE THINGS THAT WE DESIRE TO DO FOR OURSELVES. REMEMBER FORNICATION, HOMOSEXUALITY, LYING,STEALING, ADULTRY ETC AREA ALL SINS THAT GOD SAYS YOU ARE NOT GOING TO ENTER INTO HIS KINGDOM UNLESS YOU REPENT AND BE ACCEPT JESUS. I SUGGEST THAT THE UNDERCOVER GUY GOES TO PRAYER AND ASKS THE LORD TO TAKE THE LUSTS AWAY!
GOOD DAY EVERYONE!

CrackisWack.. I understand but I still encourage you to be truthful as well as the author of the letter….and to everyone else
GOD said to love one another, not be cruel to folk with no compassion whatsoever as if we are perfect/sinless etc…. Please leave the judgement to the LORD, who looks @ the heart of every person regardless!!!

Too many pick and choose Christians among black people. Like some of the male poster saying stuff like, yo man leave our BITCHES alone if you gay cause you will spread AIDS. First off, why did not black woman get upset over a comment like that, I ain’t nobodies bitch, but this is the type of thing we are supposed to settle for just to have a piece of DICK in our house. Please, we need to reevaluate ourselves before we put down people based on a book that a group of people sat around and translated however they wanted and threw out parts that talked about women having a major role in the church, Yes I am talking about the bible.

When I say stuff like that…..for example like when I had my name after the statement “i want great food and great sex for the holidays” after rihanna i didn’t mean that lol. Or when I said something like me and lance gross could………..well i won’t repeat that because he DOES something to me…..Oh chile…….anyway i know that is wrong and I really don’t watch that foolishness like that but at least i’m admitting that mess won’t be bless and won’t make excuses for it. Oh and it NATURAL for me to WANT the opposite sex. Outta all the other things that was said or done you use the very one that is me a WOMAN wanting a MAN……….UUMMMMMMMM.

God isn’t okay with premarital sex, stealing, adultery, murder, judging others & havig babies out of wedlock but I’m sure most on here judging him have done allllll that and some. Him being gay isn’t going to send him to hell any quicker than any of those other sins so save it. I can’t stand sinners who judge others sinners.
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U HAVE TO UNDERSTAND THERES A MAJOR DIFFERNCE BETWEEN SINNING AND REPENTING THEN TRYING YOUR HARDEST TO NOT LIVE THAT WAY. BUT WHEN YPU CONTINUE TO DO IT, THEN THERES A PROBLEM. WE ALL SIN, INCLUDING ME, BUT I ASK FOR FORGIVENESS AND TRY MY HARDEST TO NEVER DO IT AGAIN, THE FLESH IS EVIL.

What would Jesus do?? Well he ain’t here so idk. But what I do know is you will eventually be judged by a higher power when you move on to the next life,and that judgement day is the only one u should be worried about.

AS MUCH AS LESBIANISM AND HOMOSEXUALITY IS FLAUNTED AROUND I DIDNT THINK THAT THERE WERE GAY MEN STILL IN THE CLOSET. GAY PEOPLE HAVE PARADES AND SOME PEOPLE MESS WITH THE OTHER SEX ON AND OFF LIKE ITS A FAD OR SOMETHING. I WAS KIND OF SHOCKED TO READ THIS BUT BOY COME ON OUT THAT CLOSET, ISNT IT DARK IN THERE? BUT FOR REAL JUST COME OUT AND BE YOURSELF SOME PEOPLE WILL BE SHOCKED BUT THEY WELL EVENTUALLY GET OVER THE INITIAL SHOCK OF IT ALL

BAT… alot of folks don’t know the LORD at all, don’t know that GOD is love, the LORD hates the sin that folks commit, never the person etc..looks @ the heart etc etc etc….. I suggest some get to know Him better before trying to tell others about Him

We are Saint’s and Sinners…. He who can stand in a glass house PLEASE feel free to cast the first stone. And yes God loves us all but he does not always except our way of living if it not in connection with his will and purpose this is fact,like it or not. Yet he knows the heart and he know we are not perfect. But who of us are living and really walking the str8 & narrow? Few if any. How about we all work on self. Instead of trying to be a judge we got ppl who get paid for that and another who has authority too

Lovely Lady, I like your way of thinking. You may not agree with the lifestyle but you would rather not spend the rest of your life eating away at your blessings cause you worried about if Steve and Tim are doing to each other that a lot of straight people do behind closed doors that I would not even dream of doing. Look people, gay, straight or bi, it don’t stop my bills or my blessings from coming. I cannot as a single mother call someone else’s sin an abomination because someone in a church once told me my daughter was one because she was born out of wedlock!

I HEAR THERE ARE ALOT OF GAY PEOPLE IN THE ATL TOO. ME AND MY CO WORKERS WERE JUST TALKING ABOUT THIS WHAT IS IT ABOUT ANOTHER MAN THAT MAKES A MAN WANT HIM? WHY DO MEN HAVE SUCH AN INSATIABLE APPETITE FOR ONE ANOTHER WITH ALL THESE SISTAS OUT HERE I MEAN COME ON. DONT GET IT TWISTED I HAVE A GAY FRIEND AND IM NOT JUDGING IM JUST ASKING A QUESTION.

It is so funny that people think we CARE that you think two men together are disgusting. Other gay men are sexy to me, is that gonna change because that disgusts you??……NOPE. lol
(silly straight people)

@Manda…You Preaching today w/ scripture to back it up and everything!! NICE!

@ Nubian J…Im gonna hold you down cause I understand where you are coming from, but the way its coming out is very harsh. I won’t come at anyone like that b/c im far from perfect, but I am a work in progress, but it does sadden me how many of my brothers and sister are gay…especially the black man! I am tired of seeing men holding hands and females grinding on the dance floor! But Nubain J, you have to rebuke people with love! Just remember when your mom or dad came at you sideways, it made you wanted to do what you shouldn’t do more, right?! I’m not saying you have to except it cause i don’t, but just “try a little gentleness”…Love ya, Girl!!

P.S.

I’m so on board with people in the world not having no guidelines to life no more…folk just all willy nilly!! Wheww, God cover us!

Let’s face it, you cannot expect perfection in people unless you are perfect yourself. You cannot judge and condemn the behavior of others unless you can say that your behavior is impeccable and beyond reproach. Is that the situation? Are you able to completely eliminate all sin from your life? Of course not, and for this reason, you should not find yourself condemning people who struggle with sin. To do so, is to be a hypocrite!

@ Lovelylady- Agreed! I say as long as your comfortable with the relationship you have with god it’s all good. I guess it irks me because I have an aunt who claims to be a christian women but at the same times spends 95% of her time judging and putting down other people that drives me crazy.

Are we all Christians in here? Some of you need to understand that not everyone is a christian. I am a christian though and if anone does not like my acceptance of gays because the Bible is against them, i say tough. And will some people stop using the Bible to spew their homophobia. Stand alone and do not use the Bible. Anyone who uses the word faggot is just hateful with or without the Bible. End of.

Black folk r so damn ignorant its no wonder y we don’t come out. Yes I still do sleep, flirt and lead women on only because I feel like I have to. I am a successful educated man working in law enforcement and unfortunately one has to have a certain image to b accepted and thats just the way it is.

Nubian J, my bad, mixed you up with the other Nubian Chick. All apologies, but honestly we both know that several things have been around since the beginning of time, prostitution, homosexuality, roaches and taxes. If God ain’t sent us all packing to hell with gasoline draws on then I don’t think he is upset as some of ya’ll think he should be.

Greg’s Story
For as long as I could remember my cousin was like one of us girls. At six years old he only played with us and that continued thru high school. His mom would not let him have a life of his own for as long as I can remember and so he would never come out of the closet and the students began to bully him (callin him fag) by the time he reached high school. He was a straight A” student and sooo creative when it came to any type of design. He always won 1st place in Science Fair projects and was tops with each and every teacher whether it was Drama, Math, History or Spanish class. He had a sense of humor that I miss so much everytime I think of him. My cousin was a diabetic from birth and as he approached his 26th birthday, quit taking his insulin. He died due to his Mom’s refusal to allow him a blood transfusion, she was Jehova’s Witness. He had always obeyed her to a fault an in my openion he would not come out of the closet for fear of facing her. I believe he wanted out, an I will always miss him. Gone too soon.

Just because that we all are imperfect means we shouldn’t at least TRY to do the right thing? Especially if you KNOW it’s wrong but then wanna justify your toxic behavior by saying, “well u sin too why can’t I” See how foolish that sounds? Majority of sinners actuality know what they doing is wrong but alot of them don’t go around rationalizing their behavior is in their DNA. In that case what should we know about pedophiles, rapists and murderers that do what they do?

I truly hope that he finds peace with whatever decision that he makes. Being “family” involves acceptance of who you are, regardless of what that happens to be. Too often, family members forget that this isn’t about them and they become concerned with what others think about them instead of supporting that family member. Necole, could you keep us updated on this one? I would appreciate it.

I know how you feel, it took my awhile to come out of the closet. But if you want true happiness. please and love yourself first before you worry about anybody else. If they really love you and want you in their lives they will love you regardless. If they choose to cut all ties, then you let it be that and get on with your life and make yourself happy.

it will B hard at first bcuz if ur not gay u wud never understand all the different feeling & emotions that come with it. family is the most difficult bcuz they known u for so long & come to find out they dnt. so B ur self & tell them the truth so u can b free frmm all the lies cuz those r wat really defeats ur tru happiness

it is amazing the amt of judgement up in here. So i guess none of you have sinned. No off have commited adultry, had premarital sex, stole, lied, cheated, cursed, use the lords name in vain etc etc. I can go on. Why is it that someone sexual pref. seems to down people opinion of them, make them less than a person( my spelling sucks , try spelling and feeding a baby at the same time). There was a time that people thought based on your skin color that you was inferior, or your sex. I am not going to judge you, i will love you. The judgment part is up to god and my life is to trying, and busy to want or to take that job. Who you sleep with is a part of you, but not the whole you. If you live you life loving yourself and others , your life will be whole

@ the above post…………Girl I had already stated that I was heated and that my post were gonna be harsh. I was all nice about my feelings about it but then i really do feel it’s an agenda and now it took me from mad to heated to my top blowing off!!!! All you silly kool aid drinkers and homosexuals need to pump the brakes on that “why r u worried about what two men or two women do” GTFOH with that PLEASE!!!!!!!!!! If u don’t want us to care then why do we know about it? You want us to know about it just be honest with yourself. Oh I forgot YOU CAN’T!!!!!!!!!! If you don’t want us to know what you do or how u feel then keep it in the closet. SIMPLE!!!!!!!!

Closeted see thats the scary part, and is exactly why folks should be able to dialogue about who they really are without the hell and brimstone speech…. these lies are very hurtful and devastating, even life threatening to women dude but how can folk expect other folk to be honest when most people react so negatively..I’d rather a man be honest with me about his homosexual appetites, I may not be down to deal with him sexually or whateva, but I’m not the person to condemn him either……love and compassion are sorely missing in the world right along with decency and honesty……

I don’t know what to say other than it’s your life and you will make the decision that is right for you… unfortunately to many Christians are caught up in this whole God hates gay people nonsense… my heart goes out to you nobody should have to live a lie to please anyone… know this…

your time on the earth is limited… it’s your time to do with what you please… God is love and will not ever be anything else… get ready to NOT NEED those people in your life and appreciate ALL of the ones who stay… one thing I know for sure… God doesn’t have anymore of a problem with gay people than he does liars.

Buy and give this book to your family members who are anti homosexual: WHAT THEY WON’T TELL YOU IN CHURCH THAT WILL FREE YOUR MIND… you can find it on Amazon… it might get their minds right before you tell them. Good luck and God Bless!

Go to God and let Him direct you. We don’t really know your individual struggle and this issue is too deep. Only One can help…and that’s the One who created you…. My advice is to listen to your heart because that’s where all of our answers really are anyway. Do what brings you guiltless peace, whatever that may be. Spend some serious time one on one with THE Man to get a better perspective all around.

And if you don’t believe in God, then just do whatever you want to do that makes you happy.

So i’m supposed to just shut up because I’m not perfect and just let ppl “do them” while our community (disclaimer: I’m only CONCERNED about MY community because we need help in more than one way imaginable and don’t give a damn about other ppl such as white, chinese, japanese, arabs or whoever problems, gripes or concerns) suffer with all kinds of inflictions. I think gays just use that as a crutch in order to feel better about their wicked behavior. At least admit that the shit is wrong wrong wrong and try to change then say “oh i was born this way” or “why don’t care” oh please u know you want us to care otherwise this still wouldn’t be an issue. I say if it’s easier to be straight then do that and get on with your life. Being with a women can’t be THAT BAD!!!!!!!! Especially everytime u look up all of a sudden more and more and more black men are turning to each other. SICKENING!!!!

THIS BIRDBRAIN CHICK JUST DOESN’T GET IT! OR MAYBE SHE IS JUST SLOW! NO ONE SAID BECAUSE YOU ARE IMPERFECT NOT TO TRY BIRDBRAIN. WORK ON YOUR OWN SINS BEFORE YOU WALK AROUND TELLING OTHER PEOPLE WHAT THEY SHOULD AND SHOULD NOT BE DOING JUDGE YOURSELF, WORK ON SELF. DAMMIT THAT VACUUM STILL HAS NOT SUCKED YOUR A22 UP YET! FCK IM GOING TO PRAY ON THAT BECUASE I KNOW ME SAYING I HOPE YOU GET SUCKED UP IS WRONG, OH YEAH AND THAT YOUR MOTHER SHOULD HAVE SWALLOWED; YEAH ALL THAT IS WRONG BUT I AM JUST A SINNER AND I REALLY DO BELEIVE THAT SHE SHOULD HAVE SWALLOWED BUT THAT IS JUST ME BEING IMPERFECTED AND A SINNER; IM WORKING ON THAT FOR THE 2010!

@Risamac………get use to it because i’m here now and that ain’t gon change anytime soon……..how u gon tell me to work on self when u ain’t got urself together pillow biting and shit. Boy BYE!!!!!!!! Men SHOULD feel less of a man when u getting hard for hard legs. MY God why?????!!!!!!! And then you want ppl to be accepting of it. Nope ya gets no sympathy from me. No sir! Kinda glad that more countries are taking a stand against homosexuality and trying to get rid of the awful spirit.

Don”t feel forced to come out right away. It takes time, my brother has been gay forever and he went through the same thing you went through. It took him until he was 25 to tell us how he was feeling he is now 28 and happily living his life the way HE wants to. If those are really your friends they would stick by you. It will be hard for your family at first but they will get over it and love you just the same. Maybe you should even try befriending other gay men.It’s always good having people around that are in a similar situation, for they can give you the support you need. Do what makes you feel happy:)

i really feel for people in this situation. It’s easy for us to say to them “just come out”. But this is not such an easy thing for people to do. They have to be worried about how people perceive them, how the family will react. All sorts of things that we as straight people don’t have to deal with.

I agree you should be able to live your life like you want and forget what others think. But be realistic. Would you really be so eager to come out if you knew how it would hurt/affect the people around you? That shows a lot of caring and sensitivity on his part that he worries for those around him. He doesn’t want to hurt them, and he doesn’t want to continue to hurt himself. What a terrible place to be in.

I hope that you find a way to break it to those closest to you first and give them time to be angry/hurt and after that they will come to realize that they love you more than they dislike your choice of lifestyle. I believe that your family and friends will eventually come around once you profess who you really are. It’s going to be hard at first so I hope you have at least one person in your corner that will have your back no matter what.

All these black people on here are DEEP in the Christian thinking. I can tell by the comments. Brainwash just brainwashing… Did yall know we wouldn’t even know about Christianity if we were never brought over here in slave ships??? KNOWLEDGE…KNOWLEDGE is what’s lacking in the black community. We are being told how to think by outside forces and it is killing us. The very negative attitude toward gay black men that is being displayed in this post is killing the black community. This negative attitude is fueled by Christianity. Black people are the race that is the MOST into Christianity. Yet Black people have the MOST problems. We won’t learn until it’s too late…

Maybe if there were no hateful people who will go to the extent of killing gay people or even denying them jobs , then there would not be a need to ‘come out’ and be unhappy. It is not rocket science, is it now?

@ NUBIAN AND ALL HER CRONIES
FOR ONE, WHY IS THIS SO IMPRTANT TO YOU? DOESN’T YOUR LIFE GO ON THE SAME IF A GAY PERSON IS IN THE ROOM OR NOT? GET A GRIP
SECOND, WHAT MAKES YOU SUCH AN EXPERT ON GAY PEOPLE AND WHAT IT FEELS LIEK TO BE GAY OF YOU ARE NOT GAY? DO YOU TRUST A WHITE PERSON TO GIVE YOU A FULL PRESPECTIVE ON HOW IT FEELS LIKE TO BE BLACK? HELL NO! WELL THE SAME GOES FOR A STR8 PERSON TRYING TO TELL ME HOW THE F*CK IM FEELING INSIDE- N
-NO ONE WOULD CHOOSE TO BE ALIENATED FROM THEIR FAMILY OR RIDICULUED ON A DAILY BASIS- YOU ARE THE CONFUSED ONE MY DEAR – I’M GONNA BE THE BIGGER PERSON AND JUST CALL YOU UNEDUCATED – LET ME SCHOOL YOU…
WHO YOU ARE ATTRACTED TO IS NOT A CHOICE BUT A HUMAN INSTINCT – NO ONE CAN MAKE YOU FIND SOMEONE ATTRACTIVE IT IS TOTALLY NATURAL- IF YOU SEE A GUY WALKING DOWN THE STREET AND YOU FIND HIM CUTE THAT’S AN INSTICT- IM SURE YOU DON’T FIND ALL MEN ATTRACTIVE- JUST CERTAIN ONES (WELL JUDGING FROM THE WAY YOU TALK YOU MIGHT BE A HO) ..GETTTING BACK – USE YOUR COMMON SENSE AND THINK ABOUT WHAT MAKES YOU ATTRACTED TO SOMEONE AND WEATHER YOU WERE TAUGHT TO LIKE THAT TYPE OF MAN OR WHETHER ITS YOUR PREFRENCE – DUMMY!

Stay in the closet. Who gives a F#&k if come out or not….You will have to deal with the consequences on judgement day…..no sin is greater than the next….so I say unto you, if eally truely believe the word of GOD then be prepared to burn in hell for eternity with a dick shoved down ur throat!!! Bye

Stay in the closet. Who gives a F#&k if u come out or not….You will have to deal with the consequences on judgement day…..no sin is greater than the next….so I say unto you, if eally truely believe the word of GOD then be prepared to burn in hell for eternity with a dick shoved down ur throat!!! Bye

I have nothing against gay people I think they are the best people to be around.I agree with alot of you@MANDA and some of you just sound ignorant @RIGHTOPO SOWHAT CLOUD21 NUBIAN ETC.I am on the fense with this, I believe you should open up about it esp if its stressing you out, and if you are scared people wont talk to you anymore, then that is not your loss that what you have to understand. its there loss, they known you from how ever long and just bc you tell them you are gay they wouldnt speak to you, they are not true family or friends if they did this, they may not know how to feel or what to say, but REAL people would stick around no matter what. so if it bothers you that you cannot sleep at night or you have a heaviness on your chest just sit down and talk with everyone one on one, if they stand by you thats true love if they dont. then let them go you know they are fake and never was loyal family or friends can stab you in the back at any moment. but if you are scared of rejection and just want to live your life with no judgement then do you, at least you are not the ones that are still sleeping with women and men. thats when I think it should be known. so this is something you just have to do for you, you have to own up to it. you may loose people you may not. you dont need them, they need you. good luck keep us updated on your decision. http://www.twitter.com/lovelyrose01

Stay in the closet. Who gives a F#&k if u come out or not….You will have to deal with the consequences on judgement day…..no sin is greater than the next….so I say unto you, if u really truely believe the word of GOD then be prepared to burn in hell for eternity with a dick shoved down ur throat!!! Bye

First off this young brother need to come out the closet and live his life, society be damned why should he live a life of misery and unhappiness because folks are going to talk. I absolutely hate the homophobia in our community. the reality is yes black culture for the most part does not cosign homosexuality, but who are we to want to destroy the creator’s children, we are all divine manifestation of the most high, the creator creates gays, straights and everything in between. do you really think the creator makes a mistake with her children. I’m speaking of the mother of my 12 yr old daughter who came out to me. I come from a very homophobic country (Jamaica) my daughter was comfortable and secure enough in my love for her, that she did not hesitate. I told her I was glad she discovered who she really was than to spend years in pain hiding her true feelings. my mother a rabid christian also a former lesbian *she found Jesus, roll eyes* talk smack, but this is my child that I carried for nine months and gave birth to, and everyone else will get over it. there is no way I could not love my flesh and blood because what they are gay? there are more important things on this planet to worry about than one choosing to love the same sex. young man come out the closet and live your life!!! you were placed on this planet to live the life you want, no one but the creator can judge you. stop worrying about folks, they will get over it!! its all about you and your happiness. if you were not meant to be here living your life, you would not be here. come out that damn closet and be who you are!!! to the folks on this panel judging, when you can breath life into another human being, you can then dictate how they choose to live their lives, until then put a sock in it!!!

ANOTHER THING… YOU PEOPLE HAVE THE NERVE TO BRING GOD AND HIS WORD IN THE MIX BUT IN THE SAME SENTENCE YOU ARE JUDGING AND SUGGESTING SOMEONE BREAK ONE OF THE 10 COMMANDMENTS AND KILL …..TALK ABOUT DOUBLE STANDARD MAKE UP YOUR MIND ARE YOU FOR THE PEACE AND TOLERANCE OF THE BIBLE OR THE KILLING DEMON PROMOTED BY THE DEVIL

Hello. I just want to mention I am a same gender loving individual as well. I do understand what the emailer is going through (in a way). I suggest you really sit down and realize if you are comfortable to tell others who are important to you. Also keep in mind, those you tell may or may not what to listen about your attraction. So you have to be able to deal with that aspect as well. A question I have: have you stated your attraction yourself while looking in the mirror? If so, remember how you felt. You have to be strong for yourself so if something negative happens, you can stand on your own (and have support from others who care about you). And remember this takes time, day by day. Take care of yourself and your well being.

She’s Nubian J two totally different sista’s with two totally different points of view.

homosexuality is not a sin in my book, in fact I don’t believe in sin, I have fully washed my brains from all religious indoctrinations, by spending the last 28 years studying and researching our history, spirituality and culture.

Wow @ Nubian your daughter is 12 and came out. Damn they getting oyunger and younger. Wow. But thats good that shes comfortable enough to tell you that, that says alot about your relationship with her which most mothers have.
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Question, why did you put the “rolls eyes” because your mother found Jesus.

LovelyLady…have you ever looked up the history of Christianity/the Bibe and how it looks A LOT like Egyptian mythology, just with the names of people changed??
Or do you just trust in what has been drilled in your head since you were a child after countless times sitting in a church pew???

These comments made me realize how uneducated most of ya are when it comes to the bible. Pray about dealing with homosexuality..? Ask God for guidance..? God loves everybody? This is sad and unreal. Smh. These comments also made me aware that there are just too many damn black men that are still in the closet. I don’t understand this…has homosexuality always been this common…? It just seems like there has been a huge surge of gay people in the last 2 decades. WTF is up with that?

I say do u boo! Secrets like that can lead to an extremely unhappy life..sum ppl get suicidal and/or depressed bcuz they live this double life. Pray about it and let ur loved ones know. If they shun you…its on them. The only one u have to answer to is God. If they really love u they will continue to love u evn if they dont agree with your decisions. But ultimately u deserve to live ur life as u please.

@Kel christianity is not the whole root of the issue. Our problems as a race doesnt stem from that alone. We as people have a problem with ourselves. We dont love or respect each other. We are not united. Christanity to me means love, to love and accept others and change myself.

This is my last post on this topic, I have no intention of getting into a cyber beef with the god, jesus and bible freaks@@

@i didnt say it GOD did
don’t hold too much stock in that damn book, written by men who plaglarized ancient scrolls.

“Cursed be Canaan! The lowest of slaves will he be to his brothers” Gn 9:25 (T. David Curp notes that this episode has been used to justify racialized slavery, since “Christians and even some Muslims eventually identified Ham’s descendents as black Africans”)

“Women should be silent in the churches, for they are not permitted to speak, but should be submissive, as the law also says.” (1 Corinthians 14:34)

Lets not forget Deuteronomy 22:20,21 if a woman marries and is found not to be a virgin. is to be taken out and stoned to death, by the men of the city no less. the bible is the greatest story ever sold. this is the sole document that has been used for centuries to create racisim, sexisim, and all manner of isim and skism. don’t come to me with bible verses till you have studied, researched and done your homework on religion the single greatest evil done to humans on this planet. there are so many contradictions in that book you mentally indoctrinated slaves hold so sacred. again do your research and don’t quote the yt man’s lies he placed in a book to keep you slave in line.

IM GOIN THROUGHT THE SAME THING. WELL MY FAMILY KNOW BUT I HAVEN OFFICIALLY TOLD THEM.. THEY JUST GOIN OFF THEIR OWN ASSUMPTIONS TELLIN ME THEY WANNA MEET MY BOYFRIEND AND SHIT, BUT I DONT SAY NOTHIN I JUST LOOK AT THEM IN AWE.

@ Kel, trust i will not entertain you because i aint even tryna go there. But i am a living testimony that God is real NO ONE can ever tell me different. I’ve seen his work for myself. And I am still doing research and will continue to until the Father calls me home. I suggest you go to church. *the devil is a lie

LovelyLady I put roll eyes, because the church if filled with hypocrites, folks that have done the most shit in life then turn to the church. my mother married a woman in the early 80’s in Germany, she was a drug dealer, crackhead, prostitute. now to listen to her condemn folks with her self righteousness is laughable. now don’t get me wrong I love my mother to death and we have a great relationship, as long as she keeps her opinions to herself and don’t try to force them on myself and children. but it typical of the church folks, the church is a crutch given to you by the yt man, they blame the devil for all their f*ckups and praise god for anything good. and yes I do believe in a higher power, greater than myself. I’m just not indoctrinated in biblical fuckeries which is a rip off of those ancient egyptians texts. in fact take for instance Jesus and Horus (Egyptian God)Keep in mind, Horus predated Jesus by hundreds of years. It is obvious that jesus is a plagiarism of these earlier so called myths, just as the Bible itself is a plagiarism of earlier egyptian texts. in fact the story of mary and baby jesus is nothing more than baby horus and his mother hathor. do the research!!

WOW!! Ok kudos to you knowing and identiying yourself. I hear what you hear all the time though about being a good black man, or as some women I know calls me “kinda a waste” because I am gay ( ignorant people are always there) LOL

I am a black gay male, I live in NYC I am working on my masters and heading to law school after that!! I made a decision to live my for my self! In the process I lost alot and gained so much more!! I also come from a strict religious family, Jehovahs Witnesses and when they found out, that was it total alienation and cut off! I thought I would die, you know what I didn’t I am more resilient and stronger then I ever thought possible!! Sure I lost friends who were in the faith as well!! Still strong and resilient then ever!

I write this just to say a few words of encouragement, come out when you feel comfortable, know the road will not be an easy one and there will be moments when you have to come out it seems again and again. Its all worth it! Living my life freely coming and going without those walls of having someone findout is so freeing its indescribable!

You know if your friends really love you the person, not who you share your heart with they will understand. My bestfriend of 15 years loves me more then I ever thought possible and hes straight!! To think of it all of my guy friends are straight! We do Knicks games, bars, bowling, trips all the guy things. The difference is at the end of the day when we go out and do couple things I show up with my guy and they their girls and for a few their wives!

Ive gained nothing but love and insight from people who are really down for me and hold my best interest in their hearts. Of course their are times when I miss my family terribly, but I find solace in my new family of people who truly love me for me and not some image they want me to be! The road ahead of you is one of struggles but dont let your fear guide you, from your letter you seem to be an amazing person, those who are in your life should consider themselves lucky that you allow them there. Its a two way street, if they cant love the real you then they never loved you. Also if they dont know the real you how can they truly love and rally behind you.

Give yourself the chance to be happy, give them the chance to see you, you are still going to be amazing you just happen to want to be in love with another man. The amazing part does not change!

I am only speaking from someone who went through the fire, your journey hopefully will not be as rough as mine. Like I always say my sexuality does not define my greatness!!

i think this situation is very common, the black community especially tends to be very disturbed when it comes to homosexuality. im glad u don’t sleep with both men and women because i personally would not want to sleep with a man only to find out he has slept with another man. i have nothing against gay men but i do have a problem with gay men on the down low who sleep with men and women. deceiving someone is never ok, epescially when it comes to your sexual preference. my advice would be to tell someone u trust first, just 1 person that u would literally trust with your life. that would take some of the birden off your shoulders and enable u to talk to someone you love and trust. i trust my sister with my life so whenever i have something difficult im dealing with i talk to her first. on the whole you shouldn’t be ashamed of who u are and if your friends and family love u, they will come around. if my brother ever told me something like that i would be fine with it because love is unconditional.

You are already losing everything; you are losing yourself and deceiving your loved ones by not being honest. If this life we have people that are meant to come in our lives for the duration of our lives and for seasons. The meant that are meant to stay will, the ones who leave means that their season is up.

I didn’t read all 100+ responses, so I hope that this is not repetitive… but first, DISMISS all the antiquated debates above. This is about you and your life, not some ‘gay agenda’… what is that anyway? lol whatever… anyway…

Like you, people naturally assume I am straight. In college I pledged an historically Black fraternity, and my chapter was mostly football players and not even remotely gay. Then you add that my family was SUPER religious too.

Also, like you, I stopped dating women once I started dealing with men which was after college. But because of my continuous association with my frat brothers, I felt pressured to keep up appearances with fake girlfriends and imaginery long distance relationships. And I had the fear of rejection from my friends and fam too.

My biggest fear was someone blowing up my spot, so I eventually, I started distancing myself because there was less opportunity for the cracks to show. And that didnt make me happy either…

The turning point for me was telling my mom. Once my mama knew and still loved me, everyone else was less important. I mean, once your mom knows, who can you be blown up to that matters? And then I took on the perspective, I am who I am… and I am cool with that. If you are not, that is YOUR problem. And I started revealing myself to key people in my life. And surprisingly to me at the time, they ALL accepted me. Some of them even suspected. Not because of any behavior or giveaways… just the simple fact that good looking educated, sincere, honest black guys don’t stay single long (or they are hoes) if they are straight…

Now, at 35, I am still not completely out and open with the world. I don’t march in parades. I don’t have rainbow flag bumper stickers. I don’t feel the need to share that with everyone I meet. But if I am asked, I don’t lie. I may tell you to mind your fukkin business if I don’t know you, but I don’t lie. But ultimately, I am comfortable within my own skin

You said you know that your mom will accept it… So start there homey. And next time ask advice from someone who knows about your issue. I love Necole Bitchie too, but she don’t know a dayum thing about what it is to be a gay man… lol (in fact, if you feel so inclined, you can reach out to Necole, and I am cool with her sharing my email address.)

*oh and btw Necole, that is not a stock image. Its an image of a straight actor who played in the ‘DL Chronicles’ series, which is an anthology of different scenarios of Black men living a secret gay life for one reason or another. I know the producer/directors…

This is such a shame. Pretending to be something everyday cannot be easy. Taking the path of least resistance is not always the easiest. I say follow your heart, remain a respectable person, and do the things in life that make you the most happy.

As a black man I must say you must live your life the way you want. Black men are already being judged for stupid things I cant imagine what gay guys must go through. Just do you. If you fall in love with a man you cant help it. And if your friends are your real friends then they will supoort you. If they dont then they are not real friends. Your fam will come thru bcuz if they love you as well then you will be fine. Best of luck to you and I hope everything works out.

He seems so lonely and sad. You would think he could at least talk to a sibling.

I commend him for wanting to be honest about it. I noticed he didn’t mention his father?? Anyway, I would talk to mom. Mom will not turn her back on him. She may be disappointed, but ultimately his happiness would and should be the primary factor.

I don’t like giving advice as nobody is perfect and I have no experience in the matter. With that being said, maybe talking to someone who has dealt with this similar subject would be able to counsel him better.

@NubianGoddez Thank you soooo much! People need to realize the Bible was written by a bunch of men and the way women are treated in it smh. If people would actually read it they’d see the contradictions in that book. Anyway, ummm straight people do not walk around stating that they’re straight so gays do not need to do so. If they’d keep their personal biz a bit more personal maybe they would not be so discriminated against. Look at the media they are being taken advantage of and exploited. It is a “cute lil trend” now. He should tell those CLOSEST to him, but not others. The world doesn’t need to know.

Sending people to church is not the best advice. With all the idolatry it’s a sin just to walk through the doors. I’m not sure who has room in their life to be casting anyone to “hell” but a whole heap of you need to mature spiritually and grasp the true concepts of life.

I “struggled” with the same problem and I am religious. There was so much and I know what I was doing was wrong, especially from a religious point of view. It clearly says in the bible tht homosexuality is a sin thn I thought to myself “is this woman or are women worth me not spending eternal life in heaven or should I lay with these women and spend eternal life in hell” of coursei picked heaven. If u really want to change u can, just ask GOD. I advise anyone tht is struggling with this issue go to youtube and search “p4cm ex-homosexual” it helped me

@I’m Back, Move Over…THANK YOUUUU!!! To have a relationship with God one des not need to go to a building once a week for that to occur. You can worship and study in your own home. And let me say that thos buildings are not God’s house, cut it out.

I can’t read all the comments and I maybe late or someone may have already said this but oh well . . . I honestly don’t believe you can make someone else happy until you are happy with yourself and who you are . . . with that being said . . . You should do what makes you happy . . . you stated that your mother will love you regardless and if your sister is as religious as she claims to be . . . then she knows that she shouldn’t judge you . . . I’m a female . . . so I can’t begin to understand what goes on in the minds of men when it comes to this issue amongst boys . . . but I hope your brother loves enough to get past your sexual orientation . . . I suggest you pray for guidance my brother . . . good luck though . . .

@Ditto you do not have to be without sin to get to heaven. What are they teaching you all? Eternal Hell??? The Bible also states that those who divorce will forever commit adultery (which is a major sin)even when they remarry. So you guys actaly believe all this?

However I must say that I am very religious (not a Christian) and I do believe that it is a sin, but we ALL sin! GOD IS MERCIFUL
——-
So answer this. Do you think if you repent BUT keep making the same sins God is ok with that. As i said earlier theres a difference between sining repenting and trying to live right then to sin and continuing to do the same thing. If thats the case, why do we repent???

Honestly, I feel like if your fam is so religious, while they may feel disappointed, they would also know God would want them to not judge you and love you regardless. Sin or not, who are we to judge, and who is anyone to judge you? I’m not saying it will be easy, but stay true to yourself.

@ shari what hatred? No hatred here, and to GiGi its cool, never said I don’t sin or anything, God is Love true, never said I hate the man, I’m just sayin why would the Bible say homesexuals will not inherit the kingdom of God but people are telling him that he should pray about coming out??? I beleive that if you know something share it, I’m not judging just giving scripture, you can’t beleive just part of the bible, we don’t get to pick and choose the scriptures and fit them to our life according to what we want, I am definately not one without sin, none of us are but I would be wrong to tell him its cool to be Gay, I mean not in God’s eyes, and if I didn’t love the brother or any of you I would just say nothing.

Some of ya’ll can’t read or choose to read and see what you want. He said and I quote
(P.S. Necole please dont label me as being on the DL. It has such negative connotations. And just for the record, I do not go back and forth sleeping with men and women. Since I started having sex with men, I do not have sex with women) So those that are talking about how trhey hate men on the DL and “please don’t be sleeping with women” He cleary states he is not.

During the Roman era the men often slept with other men, women and animals. They were sex driven (like most of the world today) Everyone focuses on sex. Rome fell. The Greeks practice the same sexual behavior. Greece is not longer look upon the same. Silly Greeks is what people say. Man and Woman were created to reproduce, the world is supposed to constantly evolve. I am not trying to make this a religious debate but I have read the bible and do believe to some extent some of the rule were for social control. As people or the planet and its contents are connected to the earth and space (read about it I don’t want to break it down). being connected everything has its purpose. Everything has its match i.e Rain filters to trees for growth, food etc and creates oxygen for the planet to thrive. Going to shorten story Man and women create children. Without that balance the world population will not evolve furthur. Multiple black households do not have a father figure to guide young boys when the journey to manhood occurs. therefore the end results is DL, gay and criminal. But, before the black race can cure it’s burdens they have to first remove the marks of slavery. Then educate themselves. Then become great leaders of their families. Maybe not in that order but you get the point. If you listen to science it also tells you there is not god because we evolved from apes. Science always try to dispell a supreme god or the light we all have within. Science is trying to make being gay acceptable. Because your brain tells your sexual desire its ok due to an female vs male fluid in the brain causes a glitch. Its all sex driven and we all know what happens when people focus on sex everything colapses.

Come out the closet if you want but you will fall and change your life forever. Because being gay is still sex driven. This is for hetros too. Sexing married men, Sexing Married women, Cheating on girlfriend. All of it.

Now the really mean side of me. They have test that can tell if a child will have any type of mental development problems. They should come up with a test that can tell if people will be gay to allow the parents the opportunity to abort the child before any sexual confusion begins (if you believe in the science of it). hahaha

Men need to stand up and stay with their families to show boys how to be men. Like women stay to show their daughters how to be women. Man leaving also affects the girl child but thats a whole other convo.

All the self-annointing Christians who words are virtually DRIPPING with the compassion and love of Christ..moves me to tears

*shovels mounds of sarcasm*

To the “Avid Reader” Please take a good look at these comments, the good, the bad, and Ugly.

This is what you will have to deal with, even with some of your own family members.
I would hate to be in your position. It sounds like you feel as if you are living a lie. And if it is consuming you in an unhealthy manner, then you need to release it.

You may lose some people you love in the long run. But its up to you to decide if its worth it or not.

I would suggest contacting some local “Gay-Alliance” support group, or even internet forum and discussing with them thier experiences with coming out. Maybe hearing thier experiences will prepare you for the new chapter your life will open after coming out to your family and friends. And maybe they can offer support post-aftermath.

Actually the bible doesn’t explicitly say homosexuals will not inherit the kingdom.

The Greek word that this particular version of the Bible translates as “homosexual offenders” is “arsenokoite.” Some say that it is a reference to male prostitutes. And others argue that the two root words in arsenokoite are the same terms used to prohibit any premarital or extramarital sexual relations.

In other words, it is all interpretation. People are so quick to talk about the bible like it’s black and white. It’s not. I am not an ancient Greek scholar, nor interpreter. And even if I was not there with Paul himself to know his true intent when he wrote this. I just know that its not as simple as it is being presented. People believe the interpetation that fits their lives… and denounce other interpretations.

I know that it is a hard decision that you have to make. I can’t even begin imagine the struggle within. I think you shouldn’t focus on coming out and being honest with other people but being honest with yourself. Freeing yourself. Remember that God doesn’t give you what you can’t handle. I’m sure you have friends in your life already who know who you truly are and accept you–friends are the family that we choose. I hope everything works out for you. God Bless.

@SpottieOttieDopalisciousAngel its Leviticus 18:22 and 1 Corinthians 6:9-10 and I know for sure there is at least one more but I can’t think of it at the moment. and @Kel you are right interpret it the way you want to but some things are plainly says, and it does specifically say homosexuals, but again I really am not trying to judge or anything, i don’t have a hell to put anyone in all i want people to know is in the end we wil ALL be held accountable for the things we have read or herd that we decided to turn from or “denounce” so we should all be aware of the things we are chosing to face.

Despite disagreeing with many of the Christian views in here… I appreciate when people are coming from a place of love. They honestly believe their point of view, and that this view will help in some way. So I applaud those christians who are earnestly just trying to share a view and not shove it down someone’s throat. I may not agree, but sharing your views in a loving way is always appreciated.

But all the ‘devil is busy’ type folk, and the ‘you’re going to hell’ folk… ya’ll can go suck a dick. You clearly don’t care about helping this dude or anyone gay… and we don’t care about you either.

I was once in your position, trying to please my family and friends. My mother even told me once, “if you turn out to like a girls, I will disown you.” I was kinda scared at first because at the time I had just started to go out to gay bars and also, my best friend was gay. I love my mother but I have always been defiant and did my own thing when it came to my life, regardless of what I was told to do. So, it was a chance I was willing to take in order for me to be happy. I’ve always had an interest in females but of course society frowned harshly upon homosexuality.

That was 10 years ago and my mother LOVES my girlfriend. I even get a little jealous when she (mother) comes over because she ask for my gf before she even speaks to me.lol. I’ve never really cared about what people thought of me because I am the only one that have to walk in my shoes, they don’t! No, my mother didn’t welcome this life style with open arms, it took some time to get use to.

Just listen and look deep within your heart and not your mind because you will always come up with reasons of why you can’t tell them today or any other day. Embrace who you are and just know that time heals all wounds.

I don’t know everything about God’s word. I’m still learning everyday. However, I’ve gathered that there’s a drastic difference in God’s nature in the Bible. The Old Testament contains very strict laws you must obey, with consequences of death, and damnation. There are very strict laws applied to heterosexual sex, among other things that would call for us to be stoned to death. However, when Jesus died for our sins, it is described as salvation or him “saving” us. What he saved us from was the wrath of God. God hates sin, and you can see from his word in the Old Testament. However, Jesus’ blood washed away all of our sin in the eyes of God, saving us from his wrath. All we have to do to receive salvation is to believe in him, and these things, and ask for his forgiveness. The New Testament shows this side of God. Where the Old Testament called for death to pay for sins, in the New Testament Jesus died so that we can be forgiven. Now all you need to do is ask forgiveness. I’m not saying the Old Testament should be disregarded, but I don’t think it should be taken literally. It was from a different time, prior to Jesus’ death. I don’t have to know the exact book homosexuality is addressed in, to make a pretty good guess that its in the Old Testament. Jesus’ death gave us a way to still be with God. I’m still learning, and this is just my interpretation. Basically, I think that being homosexual does not mean you will not go to Heaven. That’s just not how I interpret the Bible. Homosexuality is a sin just like all other sins that God forgives. The only thing I’m not sure about is if you can just continue to live that way contently. We’re not expected to be perfect, which was the reason for Jesus’ death. However, I think we are supposed to strive for it, and pray for God to make us more like him over time. When it comes to any other sin, this is what we’re taught to do. So, I think it applies to homosexuality too. I’m not sure, just my thoughts.

My 2 cents….baby u cannot live for anyone but urself. There has been men who has taken their lives because they couldn’t find the strength to choose self or family! I am a homosexual female of color and society LOVES 2 see 2 women sexin! But its a sin when its 2 men! Love what u love baby! Its better to love what u love instead of pretending. Establishing a family and home based on lies! Good Luck 2 U babe.

I love how all the “churchy” “religious” people are HATING on homosexual people but the funny thing is if you ask them if they are having premarital sex, cursing, lying, stealing, cheating (all of which are sins), they will tell you yeah, and in the same breath HATE (which is also a sin). Yes, being gay is a sin, just like every other sin in the Bible. Not sin is greater than the other…Stop being hypocrites and closed minded!

I agree with you 100% but I’m going to take it A step beyond. SELF INFLICTED MENTAL ILLNESS!!! To have thoughts of homosexually is normal and strictly of the flesh (SATAN) To ACT on those thoughts are WRONG! I for one have had it with gayness slapping me in the face everytime I turn on the tv or listen to the radio. Our children are made to think being gay is fun and acceptable! People were “in the closet” for good reason, it’s sinful, it’s wrong, it’s nasty! Everybody on this site telling this man “be yourself, be happy, be proud, and being down on everyone with the RIGHT view on this subject is evidence WE ARE IN THE LAST DAYS, AND SATAN MUST BE SO PROUD OF YOU ALL FOR SPREADING HIS EVIL PLAN AND MAKING SURE AS MANY PEOPLE AS POSSIBLE WILL BE JOINING HIM IN HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PEOPLE GET ON MY NERVE….WHAT KIND OF PEOPLE MY OWN PEOPLE…WE TEAR DOWN ONE ANOTHER BEFORE WE EVEN THINK TO BUILD UP ONE ANOTHER…AMERICA IS THE LAND OF THE FREE…IN AND EVERY EFFIN THING GOES HERE…KILL ME LATER WITH GOD THIS AND GOD THAT…ANYONE EVER HEARD GOD TELL THEM ANY OF THE STUFF THEY BELIEVE….I’LL WAIT….LIKE MY AUNT ALWAYS TOLD ME…YOU ARE JUDGED BY YOUR LIFE AND UR ACTIONS NOT WHAT SOME ELSE DOES…IF MORE PPL WORRY ABOUT THEIR OWN LIFE AND LESS ABOUT SOMEONE ELSE’S…THE WORLD WOULD TRULY BE A BETTER PLACE I BELIEVE…IT’S ALL HATE AND NEGATIVITY….HOW THE FUCK 1 PERSON CAN TELL ANOTHER PERSON WHAT THEY FEEL INSIDE, THAT’S HUMANLY IMPOSSIBLE UNLESS UR TWINS MAYBE…HOW CAN YOU ACTUALLY SAY OUT UR MOUTH THAT GAYS CHOOSE TO BE GAY,THATS SO LIKE SAYING I CHOSE TO LIKE MEN…NO I DON’T CHOSE TO LIKE MEN.. I ACTUAL JUST DO…FUCKING STUPID ASS PEOPLE..LOL

Leviticus 18:22 – “Do not lie with a man as one lies with a woman; that is detestable.”
Leviticus 20:13 – “If a man lies with a man as one lies with a woman, both of them have done what is detestable. They must be put to death; their blood will be on their own heads.”

Leviticus 18:22 – “Do not lie with a man as one lies with a woman; that is detestable.” (NIV)

Leviticus 20:13 – “If a man lies with a man as one lies with a woman, both of them have done what is detestable. They must be put to death; their blood will be on their own heads.”

There you go ^^^ SpottieOttieDopalisciousAngel…theres more. AND LETS MAKE IT CLEAR I DO NOT HATE GAYS MY SISTERS ARE GAY BUT THAT DONT MEAN I ACCEPT IT. I LOVE THEM NO LESS, I JUST TELL THEM TO PRAY THATS ALL. ONLY GOD CAN GUIDE YOU.

Just because someone is a homosexual does not mean that we cannot love him (or her) or pray for him (her). Homosexuality is a sin and like any other sin, it needs to be dealt with in the only way possible. It needs to be laid at the cross, repented of, and never done again.

As a Christian, you should pray for the salvation of the homosexual the same as you would for any other person in sin.

And another one…..Goodness, we are loosing all of our black men!! but anyways, i think, he should let his friends and family know. His family will love him regardless and if his friends cannot except him for who he is, they were not his friends to begin with. Plus, its all about his happiness, dont be miserable for anyone, dont live for anyone but yourself!

It’s easy for a lot of us to tell you to come out, but if you don’t have a support system you may want to wait. I’m sure there are support groups that you can google if you don’t have the support you need. The bottom line is be you, even if it hurts the people you love. You are living for them and not for yourself, trust me family has a way of making some of us feel inferior.

You are who you are and if they let you go, it will be sad, but don’t live a lie.

Whoa! This hit home. Simply b/c my son was “this dude” just 4 years ago. I mean, honestly. A mother knows her child. Rather they are male/female and with that being said. YOUR MOM KNOWS. When my son told me, I didn’t speak to him for almost six months HOWEVER I already knew but him saying it confirmed it and crushed me to pieces. Meanwhile, today, we are BEST OF FRIENDS. I don’t push him in that directions however I do accept and love him for who he is. I don’t agree with the lifestyle AT ALL but I didn’t want to lose my son.

Please be honest with the people around you. It’ll give them peace and most importantly, yourself.

this is sooo something white people say when they call blacks niggas!!. You love throwing out bible verses but I see you being “ungodly” on another website. So like you’ll pray for your “sister” I’ll pray for you and they way you gossip about others. And cuss them out. Oh and please tell me you’re a virgin since we’re spewing the bible. Hope you don’t have sex on M-S and go to church and SHOUT on Sunday.

Child bye i spits hate at no one and when i say no one i mean no one. And how am i being ungodly on another site. There are only 2 sites i visit and i know for sure im not condeming or judging ANYONE so try again sweety. And no Im not a virgin BUT guess what I’VE BEEN PRATICING CELIBANCY FOR THE PAST 4 MONTHS. AS MY PREVOIUS HEADLINES STATED (YOU CANT ABIDE BY SOME RULES YOU HAVE TO ABIDE BY THEM ALL) MAYBE YOU NEED TO READ MY COMMENTS BECUASE I SAID NOTHING HATEFUL AT ALL TO NO ONE. SO CHILD PLEASE. AND I KNOW, NO ONE IS PERFECT THATS WHY WHEN I COMMITT SINS I REPENT AND TRY NOT TO COMMITT THE SMAE SINS OVER AND OVER AGAIN AND THATS THE REASON I TELL THIS YOUNG MAN TO ASK GOD TO GUIDE. SO TRY AGAIN. I AM A SINNER SAVED BY GRACE.

man its so amazinq how ppl qet so crazy abt this man beinq homosexual,. personally i see nothinq wronq with it && i have no problem with it bt man i wonder how would you ppl respond if it was a female instead of this quy..

To the young man who wrote the letter….
You only have one chance to live this life and God didn’t intend for you live one day unfulfilled. The people who love will accept you. Those who don’t accept you need to be happy to remove from you life. It will be difficult, but I think will be surprised by the acceptance you do receive.

I just wanted to say.. this is a complicated topic and I have read the article and have read each and every comment on this situation.

To the lady christians that are quoting bible verses. I just wanted to say that, yes, in the old testament God did destroy sodom and Gomorrah for their living styles (homosexuality and other acts). and yes he did say it is destestable for a man to lay with another man. But you also forget that in the New testament, Jesus died to wash our sins away and he only preached love. the old testament is a book of historical events but the new testament is how we should live our lives according to Jesus’ teachings.

everyone is entitled to their opinions!! I love open forums and this guy is already courageous for posting this. we all have our burdens to bare. All i can say is really look into your heart and pray.

well ithink he should come out with iht piece by piece, do it at a rate yuh can handle the judgemental remarks from, im sure his community has enough people in the same predicament he can talk to.!!!!lovin yourself so someone cn love u is the key and ihf yuh cnt let evryone whos important 2yuh love u then u givin them a show so when they find out the person they thoughht u were its like they will be meetin a new person.!!!
-love,peace,happiness

@ UBIAN J I AGREE WITH SOME OF THE THINGS U SAID. AND IT IS NOT OF GOD. IF SOME THESE PEOPLE READ THE BIBLE. BUT AT THE SAME TIME, THE GAY COMMUNITY WILL HAVE TO ANSWER TO GOD, NOT MAN. ITS NOT OUR JOB TO JUGDE THEM. PERSONALLY I JUST MIND MY BUSINESS

people kill me with the we are losing all of our men! umm lets say these so called good men were straight, what in the hell makes you think that they would just assumingly end up with a black women. People check that dumbness at the door, if you are a good person you will be a good person for the person you are going to be with, that has nothing to do with sexuality. I know a lot of great black straight men, as well as great black gay men. Goodness is not defined by what gender you love! Get a clue people!!

Hopefully you are reading all of these comments…you will have words of encouragement and words of discouragement, ignorance, fear, and loathing if you come out of the closet…

This is still a very homophobic world. I don’t want to condone hate and fear, but it exists and it is important to make and choose your decision wisely.

I don’t think anyone has brought this up, but I strongly encourage you to seek personal therapy with a psychologist who specializes in sexual identity…he or she may help you to make the best decision for YOU.

First of all… @rightopo IGNORANT. THAT IS ALL. Secondly, I want to commend this young man on how intelligent and mature his letter is. I agree with your friends and fam that you seem to be a good man that would make any woman, or man : ) very happy. My advice to you would be to first come out to those you TRULY trust. Be it your mom or sister (even tho she may take it hard) or a friend. In a situation like this, you have to ask yourself whose opinion really matters to me? Who do i feel really NEEDS to know my business? Sometimes we feel that because people are our friends, they are entitled to know everything about us. This is not true. Tell only those that you trust…those that you KNOW truly love you…those that you feel deserve to be let in. And if they take it hard, or need some time to process everything alone, so be it. Give them time. If they love you, they will still love you. In time you will become comfortable with being yourself more publicly. And it will be easier to tell the whole world who you are. : ) Take it slow. Coming out doesn’t mean you have to call a press conference. Take your time with it. As much as you think it will hurt your mother to know the truth…i think it would hurt her even more if she knew how much her child was being tormented within himself. I pray for you that everything goes well. And I pray for your family and friends to be understanding and loving. You sound like you deserve it. Take care of yourself.

I am also a black male who recently came out this summer. Some advice that i could give you is that if the people in your life really love you then they will accept you. It may not be as fast as you like, but they will. You have to make you happy before making anyone else. I was thankful enough to have a very accepting family, and group of friends. Also, my stepfather is a minister. He was very accepting. I hope some of this gives you some hope, and courage to do what you want to do.

It is so sad what is happening to our heritage. If you just think back to before we even came to America, we were Kings and Queens. We ruled and when we came here we carried our legacy with us along with our rich traditions and cultures. There was a time when these things were so important because it was all we had. Some where we got lost and now we are dying. I just feel overwhelmed by the way we seem to have regressed as a people. Brotha, I am sorry that you have this struggle, we are all sinners and all fall short of the Glory of God. Everything that I have said, you have heard a million times before and could care less, I’m sure. So let me just get to it like you said, right now you just want to be happy. So, do you. Be happy. Your family I’m sure will eventually take you in with open arms. Love is enduring and it is forgiving. I say come out but to be honest it’s for selfish reasons. I understand that at this time you don’t sleep with both sexes and that you look down on the DL issues in our community but in case you fall victim to the pressure of maintaining this lie of being heterosexual and end up marrying or sleeping with a woman, please come out.

I am a gay 25 yr old black man living in New York City. I know and have known people who are not out to their families and have come to me seeking advice. My response is always predicated on the exact individuals situation. In your case I can’t give a definitive answer without more background information. I would need to know A. your exact living situation. If you are currently living at home, with relatives or with any one of your straight male friends; you might want to bide his time until you are securely on your own particularly financially. Also I would would recommend seeking out a network or even just one like minded gay friend. Someone who is similar to him in temperament just so you can have some sort of out for all that you’re feeling. As far as coming out to his friends and family… I usually recommend a gradual process where you start with the most trusted liberal and open minded person in your life and test the waters with them. At least in this way you have someone you trust that you can talk to and someone who loves you and doesn’t judge. Then I would test the waters by casually seeing how your loved ones feel about gay people. If there is a common gay individual you all know, mention them in conversation to gauge the reaction of those you may want to confide in, in the future. In this way you have an idea of how they may react to you if you decide to come out to them down the line. Much love my brotha! I understand your situation. Ive been there.

If you don’t come out you will always be giving your power to someone else. Its up to you… you can stay in the closet and feel as though you accept yourself but you will still be powerless in many situations. I like how some ppl are saying they don’t understand why gay ppl adversitse that they are… ummm straight ppl talk about what they are doing all the time and who they are seeing… the less educated the ppl around you are the harder it will be for them to accept seeing as they don’t have the ability to think beyond the sex aspect of it… its not a lifestyle or a choice and ppl wont realize that unless they are in your shoes. New ppl will come into your life and doors may open that you didn’t think were there. Its easy to dwell on all the negativity when you are in that state of mind and fearful. In coming out, you would take control of that fear hopefully. Anyone who went out of their way to make a negative comment about your letter is probably in the closet themselves. Why would they waste their time reading your letter if they weren’t interested in some aspect of it?? Hmmm… they are the real faggots not you. Good luck

Also to the young man, you might be surprised when you come out that some people in your family already knows. my best friend is gay and she came out to me 10 yrs ago. she still has not come out to her family and still lives a life of lies which makes her very unhappy. personally I think her mother knows and her brother knows, in fact he came to me a few years ago questioning her sexuality and I told him, I would not discuss my best friend as that’s her business and he needed to mind his damn business. gay people are not going anywhere they are a part of our society. your mother probably already suspects and she will be disappointed but will still love you, your her son and mother’s and son share a special bond. live your life and be happy. peace and love!!!

I am a Christian. I have no place to judge others. I love everyone and have gay friends, do I think it’s right no but hey they’re another person like me. I think he should come out to his family and friends, if you lose them oh well. Just because we are Christians doesn’t mean we should judge each other. This is between him and God. All ya’ll quoting scriptures in the bible basically ya’ll are quoting the ones that ya’ll abide by. In the bible it says a man should not lay with a man like he does with a woman. God even destroyed a whole city because it was filled with Gays and Lesbians and he sent someone to tell them to stop doing what they were doing. They did not listen so he burned them up! So read your bible!!!!! America is basically turning into that city(I know what it’s called I just can’t spell it) I hope we just all get right before he burns or destroys us. But An avid fan I say do you and I love you! God Bless!

I will say do what you have to do, but think is the hassle really worth it all? You was not put on this earth to please no one but yourself, but however God made the world with Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve or Amanda and Eve. Remember you only live once, but when it’s all over remember you have to face the man above. So what will you bring to the table?

SMDH@ some of these ignorant comments… In the words of Ed Lover C’mon son wdf are we to judge!!!!! Gay means HAPPY with that say I say screw what ppl think or say!!!!! They don’t pay your bills. Anyone that truly and I mean truly loves you will accept you as you are… Love is unconditional if they change towards you its all for the best because all that means is that they truly didnt love u to start with

The longer it remains a secret, the longer it is a lie and the harder its going to hurt. Be truthful and pray and ask God to help you live your life th best way possible. We all have to live this life and lose some things we love along the way, but if you are a good person the losses will be replaced.

just come out and be yourself i know that its your family but if they really love you than no matter what they should support you and as for your friends well thats when you find who your real friends are if they stop speaking to you because of that than they were never really your friends .

Man…
I know exactly what it is and Iam in the exact same situation..
People..u must acknowledge that he is talking about looking his family here ! …I mean this is crazy and I ask myself what I should do everyday …At the end of the day I think we live as single individuals and we have to do what we have to do no matter what… we live for our own selves and they say nothing happens for a reason..
U call them people “friends” …when u break down the news U’ll b able to count them on one hand …or maybe not at all .. But hey man ..when the day is over, U have to be happy, it’s priceless, It’ll take time for u to build urself n learn how to deal with it all but u gotta b happy..it’s ur ditty, u owe this to yourself …
People say the same thing about me, im the perfect dude..all I need now is a beautiful wife n she’ll b the happiest woman to have me … but …wait do yall know I wanna be with a man ..smh …anyway bruh..I share ur pain, we float on the same boat …but I think we should let truth b told…and if people wanna judge us on the way we do our things in bed and who we do it with ..then Im sorry but they gotta go !

If u wanna talk or whatever just lemme have ur email or somethin alright…

@LadyDee No1 is perfect and Jesus died for our sins but since HE did that do u seriously think that we can just go around commiting all type of sinse. “He without sin can still enter the gates of heaven” if thats the case well let me be gay and disregard all my learning from the bible. Its called FAITH and what I believe is what I will live by and I BELIEVE THAT Homosexuality is a sin…

Everyone is saying “do what makes you happy” and that’s the wrong thing to say. What should be said is find your JOY. NOTHING of this world will give u peace and joy so therefore you must submit to God’s word. You could be happy all you want, but if you don’t have joy, then nothing else matter. All this talk about world peace and what not isn’t the type of peace God is referring to the internal peace that releases all anxieties & casts them upon the Lord. Find your joy young man, submit to God and be free of the world, so all u gotta do is live in the world.
~FOOD FOR THOUGHT.

Everyone is saying “do what makes you happy” and that’s the wrong thing to say. What should be said is find your JOY. NOTHING of this world will give u peace and joy so therefore you must submit to God’s word. You could be happy all you want, but if you don’t have joy, then nothing else matters. All this talk about world peace and what not isn’t the type of peace God is referring to; He is referring to the internal peace that releases all anxieties & casts them upon the Lord. Find your joy young man, submit to God and be free of the world, so all u gotta do is live in the world.
~FOOD FOR THOUGHT.

Darling you are so worried about pleasing others more so than your self and living in hell it seems. Can you change who you are? Can you be a straight male for the sake of your family? Free yourself from this burden and get that heavy weight off your back. It is not fair to your self to keep such a heavy secret. Tell your family because you would not want them to find out any other way. Talk to your mother first because it seems from your letter she would support you and may even aid you in telling the rest of your family. Take it one day and one person at a time.

Man MUST NOT lay with man as he lays with woman!! You are NOT a beast of the field – Freudians have been, largely discredited – are WE NOT, more-than, primal instincts? I’d like to think so!
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I’m NOT sure why NB is running this right-after the firestorm she kicked-up by running that ABC story regarding Black Women and them NOT being married. I take it, it’s the gay black men and other hysteria regarding black men and their availability that accounts of said “single-women percentile!”
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I have NO pity/empathy/brotherly-feeling for you, whoever you are! I think you should commit suicide! I don’t think you’ll EVER find peace and you shouldn’t! I think, the ONLY think worthy of your sins are a donation of YOUR organs to a worthy-candidate, and for you to take your own life!
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You, whoever you are, are a symptom of an “ill” upon the conscience of black men. Are “angry-black women” and “our” overbearing matriarchal construct at fault? I don’t know; just can’t say; Oprah Winfrey doesn’t speak for me – NEITHER does Tyler Perry!
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You – “GAY BLACK MAN” – are YOUR worse enemy; YOU’RE OUR worse enemy! YOU, are a cancer on/of “the-soul”: an “all-consuming-tumor,” a “black-hole” that, not even time-itself, can escape. You’re THE marauding swarms of locusts – you ARE what you leave behind!
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There is no-use for you: “no-abstract-yet-defines”; your “exit” for planet earth should be an unceremonious one – dementia should not mistakenly bestow martyrdom upon you!
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Regretfully, you’ll be remembered for what you are: evil-incarnate – pitch fork in hand, fork tailed, “blackness heaped-upon blackness!”
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X,Y,”and Z” — OUT!

i belive homeseulaty is wrong. having said that. i have gay and lesbian friends who know this about me and respect the fact that i do not choose to expose my daugter to it because she is to young to process it. people who love you wiil live you reguardeless. when my famly ask me why do i still hang out with my gay and lesbian friends when i know they are wrong. I say because they still choose to be my friend althoigh my boyfrined and i are sleeping together but not married. i hope you see the point i am making. just know that people may not accept what you do but they should repect and love you. and just repect how adults choose to raise t

It would be interesting to see the if they’re disproportionately higher amounts of black gay men as compared to their white-counterparts!
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TO ALL GAY BLACK MEN – you are symbolic of the “death of black men!” As it IS an abhorrence for you to procreate – adoption is a right/privilege you MUST NEVER have!
“Marriage” MUST always be between a MAN and a WOMAN; that is, a woman born-A-WOMAN!!!
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HOMOSEXUALITY IS A SIN; religion, it’s tenets and constructs are, at-times, rigid – if not harsh! But said are well-placed as to guide, and free us from thoughts of ‘the-abyss’ – YOU DON’T GET TO “MAKE-IT-UP” AS YOU GO ALONG!!
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End YOUR suffering, end OUR suffering – END YOUR LIFE! Said act will be the ONLY “gift-of-redemption” you could EVER give!
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X,Y,”and Z” — OUT!!

PLEASE IGNORE MY FIRST POST . STILL GETTING OF OF THE ANESTESIA FROM MY SURGEY TODAY
i believe homosexuality is wrong. having said that. i have gay and lesbian friends who know this about me and respect the fact that i do not choose to expose my daughter to it because she is to young to process it. people who love you will love you regardless. when my family ask me why do i still hang out with my gay and lesbian friends when i know they are wrong. I say because they still choose to be my friend although my boyfriend and i are sleeping together but not married. i hope you see the point i am making. just know that people may not accept what you do but they should respect and love you. and just respect how adults choose to raise thier children. The best thing I can say is pray. Its what we all do when we have a battle.

Im 23…..Not in the closet, but have yet to come out to my parents. All of my friends know, but for some reason can’t find the courage to tell my family. I know how you feel…..At the end of the day, you’re just so drawn out from the lieing and fake smiling….so frustrated, but at the same time so afraid of rejection……..I moved away this year from home thinking I could finally be free. Actually though, I still feel the same…….new environment, able to be myself, but still feeling ‘stuck’…….Coming out doesnt mean telling the world, just the close loved ones.
Moving away and being alone is giving me the power to be able to step closer to the truth. So im not saying “JUST COME OUT” I know personally it aint that easy….Just do what you feel you need to do FIRST in order to get to that point. Hope that makes sense.

I remember my best friend was gay…well I always thought so. I asked him about it so many times and he denied it to the death. Long story short, he has now admitted that he is gay and he is so much more happy. The thing is, although you don’t want to loose certain people, you must realize that the people you may loose weren’t your people to begin with. I say start with your mother. A mother’s love is the most sacred. Start with her and be gentle. Your mother would always love you no matter what. After you start with her, and again be gentle, have her help you find a way to tell other family members like you sister. The key to this is to know that she will be there, and once you know she has your support and your back, like the queen our mothers are, the hive will follow suite. If the core of your family supports you, trust me, everyone else will. Again, the key is to be gentle, especially as you know that it will be tough. I hope all goes well. Pray on it. The only person that could judge you is your God and he knows your struggle. Once he too has helped you find your way through this, everything will work out

Short and simple…homosexuality was introduced to our men duringslavery. European men would not only rape women but men as well…over the span of time our men have been emasculated, i.e. Gay, absent fathers…you get the drift..you need to repent and rebuke the urges of homosecuality, it’s morally wrong and you do not have to be of christian faith to know this.

yeah, i await for your pleas of the black man’s compassion even when they beat the crap out of another person. And i am talking about Chrianna saga. But oh wait…, that is not really a problem in society and it is accepetable, and Bible this and Bible that. God this and God that, a scape goat for prejudice and bigotry. But whatever…. You want to be treated with respect and compassion but you cannot give it. You do not have to agree with or like gay people at all, but you and all those who spew such hate forget that they are human beings. But no, God is so against them so we must kill them. I’ve heard it all before and now. Keep making excuses for your extreme bigotry and let us see where it leads to you. If there is heaven and hell, and the Bible is to be taken word for word, we are all ending up in hell one way or another. But whatever.

You must not be all that much of a Christian if you are on this website.

To the gay dude:
It’s your life, your choice. Don’t ask other folks to make the decision for you. You have to look in yourself and figure what is right. But since you’re asking, I say keep your family close until you find “the one” worth leaving them for. No sence in losing your family and not having a loved one to hold you through it all.

This is what kills me about people who use their religion to demonize others. Guess what black-close minded-bible thumping-azz aint been to church in years, but still feels the need to judge everyone who does not conform to their idea of “right”… mind your own business. Their is no homosexual agenda, homosexuals are not confused, and if WE didn’t have to deal with what society currently deems as norm then everyone would be fine. Times change and homosexuals have always been around. WE are not demons… how stupid.
Understand bro that not all gay men are running around in purses and heels, that is what they want you to think. WE are everywhere and come in all different types, just like everyone else. It kills me that as an african american we can discuss the need for acceptance and then discriminate against others. Better your own life before telling someone how to live theirs.

first, i agree w/ “avid fan” that there’s a major difference between someone who is in the closet and someone who is on the DL (as so many men in atlanta are)… i love that half the comments confirm what this man is saying: if these ignorant, nonsense-ass comments are “christian” than i’m happy to say i’m not one. *smdh*

to avid fan: boo, you gotta live your life for YOU, period. not your family, not your friends, and certainly not for these bigoted, homophobic commenters. take a leap of faith, precious, and know that whatever happens, God made you and loves you ~ you should take His lead on this one. good luck!

My two cent may not matter in this but i am going to spill it anyways….relationships and sex should only occur between a man and a woman per the bible that is inspired by GOD. cant argue with that…the Bible states homosexuality is an abomanation(sp)and i agree with that. Now that being said I do believe that living in this imperfect devil ruled world alot of things happend that were not as extreme as they were in the time the bible was complied…it is a new day and it not the fault or choice of alot of people that identify as being Gay that they are that way…its just he sin in all of us. No one is perfect, being Gay is not the only sin against God so we all need to check ourselves first before talking down against someone for anyreason. I have noticed that as of the last 10yrs be GaY has become very popular and very visible. that has influced alot of people and confused many…that ties in the the new world order( i know yall dont want to hear that)soon being gay will be the norm and if u dont agree with that YOU will be the outcast. The world is changing and morals need to stand somewhat to protect life as we know it….that is fast fading. In 20 yrs just think what its going to be like!? I think this young man needs to think long and hard about the life he is choosing to live before claiming anything.

Oh and one last thing: the AIDS epidimic can not be denied…its MAJOR and it is kill us blk women faster than anything else to ever hit the world. Take note……. sin has it consequences and we all have to pay hence the current HIV situation. i DO respect those that are gay that come out and dont try to play both sides…those that are on the DL/BI….thats just being greed. THOSE TYPES OF PEOPLE I CANNOT STAND AND NEED TO BE DESTORYED BECAUSE THEY ARE TAKING THE LIVES OF HUNDREDS OF HUNDREDS OF SISTERS AND INNOCENT CHILDREN. As i said every thing that is done has an “equal and opposite reaction”….its not suprising.

I feel where dude is coming from because I was where he was at a certain point in my life. Coming out is very hard and you must take several things into consideration before you do.

First, do you live at home?
Do your parents support you financially?
Are you independent?
Do you have a circle of gay friends for support?
Do you have ANYONE to confide in? Someone who knows who you really are and will not judge you?

If you live with your parents and have no independent way to support yourself, then I suggest you stay in the closet until you become independent of your parents and can move out on your own. If you are living at home and your parents freak out and kick you out, where will you go?

These are just some of the things you should consider before coming out. You must prepare yourself for worst-case scenarios.

In regards to the crazy Christians who are judging you with unChristianlike eyes, fuck em. They do not speak for God, the one who made you. These uneducated, clueless black folks do not know what they are talking about. They are clueless about the world and the myriad of beings who inhabit it.They find a box and live in it, afraid to even consider leaving their comfort zone. They are so unafraid of life that they would rather extinguish it than let another black person, any person different from themselves, live. Tell me, how can these black folks speak for God when they do not even know who they are as a people?

God does not make mistakes, humans do. There are millions of gay people in this world and they are alive for a reason. Many of us may be hidden due to culture, religion and other types of fears but we are here and we are alive on purpose. If we are lucky and we are born gay in any industrialized world we can influence generations. Hateful people are here with us too; and they may call us names; and they may kill us but we have been here since the beginning of time and we will be here until humanity destroys the planet, which is sooner than later.

God made everyone of us for a purpose; God does not make mistakes. This God is a Christian, Muslim, Hindu, etc. Just as there are different faiths, so there are different peoples in the world. You are not a mistake and you are not an abomination. You are from Love. Act accordingly.

If you are independent, can take of yourself and so on, then I suggest you come out and face the backlash if there is one. Your parents may accept you or if they don’t, eventually they will, it may just take time. Your friends do not really know you, because you’re wearing a mask.

Oh, dear. This issue clearly cuts deep and it’s even more obvious how divisive the topic is just by looking at the comments. It hurts my heart to see some of the negative comments in which this gentleman is called horribly derogatory slurs. It saddens me to see that a man who could quite possibly be a wonderful, caring, contributing, smart and eloquent person is cut down to such a low level JUST for the kind of person he wants to love. I think, of anything, this sort of judgment is the worst.

What bothers me is that the nasty comments are coming from folks who are also hiding behind the Bible. First and foremost, the text of the Bible was written by human beings. Humans are inherently flawed and to focus so hard on “not lying with man as one would lie with a women” but ignoring the text which states that infidelity should be “rewarded” by getting stoned to death is just ridiculous. It’s like we’ve decided which parts of the Bible we’re going to focus on and which we’re going to ignore — another human flaw and THAT is definitely an “agenda”.

Secondly, when Africans were enslaved in America, the majority of them were Muslims and then converted to Christianity by their captors. By force.

So think about that for just a lil’ bit…

Now, I fully support a person’s right to live as they are supposed to. And who,s to say that God isn’t behind homosexuality too? Who’s to say that people of the GLBTQ community aren’t God’s creatures too?! Nobody. Because none of us were there to witness the process. We’re just here now, reading a book written by people who claim they did witness it.

Our black men have enough shit to deal with for simply being black that we should not be making things even worse for the ones that are gay.

Learn to love. Learn to accept. And learn to stop placing judgment on others. Especially those of you hiding behind the Bible. Because to you, God is the one who holds the ultimate “power” when it comes to any kind of judgment. So for you to do it on his behalf is belittling and derogatory.

@Tori — HUH??
I had to take, some time, to unravel the “contortions” you set to your keyboard and what I’m NOW viewing, per your comments; where do I begin…
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You based your initial…’counterpoint’ on ‘Feb 8th Chrianna’ but, by-now, you SHOULD already know ‘my-position’ on ‘Feb 8th-Chrianna': Rhianna got jealous, attacked Chris, WHILE HE WAS DRIVING, he TRIED to “CHECK-her,” she wouldn’t stop – ERGO, that NOW infamous “Rhianna-Feb 8th- picture,” one that should read-captioned: “AND THE MORAL OF THE STORY – KEEP YOUR HANDS TO YOURSELF!”
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^^^Said, “null-in-voids,” any reference you can possibly make regarding Chris Brown/’Feb 8th-Chrianna’!
I, at NO TIME, had EVER asked for “compassion for Chris Brown” – why? Chris was ‘in-the-right’ and Rhianna was/is to blame! And your, even-now, refusal to see the obvious logic and weigh,unbiasedly, evidence, placed before you, further “illuminates” Chris’ decision to ‘cop’ to the assault: Ain’t no-way in-hell, he was gonna get a fair trial: to seat, an impartial jury, would be impossible!
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But Tori, YOU’VE said “YOU’RE NOT-INTO-BLACK-MEN,” so why even enter into THIS discussion, which will inevitably lead into the “hysteria” surrounding black men/black women?
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Tori, you’re NOT a black man – you have “NO-input” in THIS-regard! YOUR input should be “better placed” in/on/with “interracial dating,” “angry black women,” and “The-days-fashion-faux-pas!”
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So to recap:
*You needn’t “scold me” as YOU have NOT displayed ANY higher-moral-standing – ANY “unseen” intellectual insight, nor desiring to place, aside, YOUR-bias and entertain, any-at-all, differing perspective(s)!
*The laws-of-physics that govern us, in this physical three-dimensional universe, were themselves, handed-down – as directives, by that….’higher-being': GOD! So “god and man” proceeds as-per HIS-wisdom – NOT TO BE QUESTIONED – YOU DON’T GET TO MAKE IT UP AS YOU GO ALONG!!
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HOMOSEXUALITY IS A SIN before god, and as man attempts to usurp, that “most-guarded of rules,” in permitting marriage between homosexuals and the adopting of children, he, man, risks the wrath of god: AIDS and the NOW-moral-decay, as witnessed in these United States and by ‘OUR COMMUNITY,’ are but the first two in/for the coming-plagues to “ravage the land!”
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Tori, I find it exceedingly difficult, if not torturous, to enter into any debate/discourse or “exchange” of ideas with you – I find your positions, arguments and writings to be garbled, dull, unimaginative and “lacking” in, any-and-all, merit! But you are a black woman, so you’re given the benefit of doubt, while I remain unwanted, disenfranchised and undeserved!
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Tori, you SHOULD swirl; swirl to YOUR heart’s content – encourage black women – in ‘YOUR-orbit’ – to swirl! The quicker you, and those you influence disappear into the “badlands of the mainstream” the better.
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@ALL GAY BLACK MEN – again I’ll say, after much soul-searching, I’ve come to the conclusion that, as a fellow black man, your END, as in SUICIDE, remains YOUR ONLY option – the sooner the world rids itself of you, the better!

First off, where did i say that i was not into black men? Copy and paste it for, time and date? Oh pulease… Try again with that.

And second of all, i do not need alot of intellect to sniff out your bias and hate. Oh wait, i’ll go and enroll for that. *sighs*

And as for Chris was in the right?? *sighs* Atleast some other fans have the guts to admit he was wrong despite the fact that they still support him and wish him well.*sighs* He was a black man who got your unbiased support, this Black gay man does not get your support but hate.

You being a black man, well, like i said, i await on your future posts where you will be defending the black man against all the injustices they are facing. It is until then that i will reflect to you exactly what you are doing and saying on this post.

I wonder how you are going to stop the black women on this blog from expressing their opinions on black men? So what you are saying is that unless you are a black man, you do not get to make good judgement on a black man and express your opinion. *sighs*. I now see why there is a break down and widened gap between some black men and women. I am glad not all black men share this view and atleast have the respect for women enough not to shut them up regarding issues on a black man. * big sigh*

Neyo!!! its okay. i’m just going to tell you a secret as well. Its no SECRET that you are in fact gay. its okay we still love and respect the music you create. I for one will like to say you choice or being is okay with me :~)

mayne I am in your shoes right now. I have to lie to my family, friends, co workers and not a day goes by that I dont think about coming out I think that when you get into a relationship with a dude thats going to be serious..you will develop enough courage and strenght with your dude to come out. You will have a major reason. also I had a cousin who came out and the family didnt act up as bad as I thought they would….but u not alone mayne. this is a HUGE problem in the black community. praying for u!

The hate coming out of some christians is so hard to believe and digest. If some of them were given guns to kill gay people they would do it. If you wish for them to be dead, it is as good as you killing them.

Some of them calling gay people deragotory names. When they themselves are called deragotory names for their skin colour, then it is a big problem.

I say, if you can dish it out, be prepared to take it. Replacing one form of injustice for another is hypocritical. There are some people on this blog who write and share their problems in terms of discrimination day in and day out. I am very surprised that they are the same people who are doing to others what they wish not to be done to them. Ughhh I will never take them serious from now on. It is like , Cry wolf.

To the people saying God is love & love thy neighbour as thy self need to be quiet. God doesn’t mince his words & makes it extremely clear in the bible that no man should lay with another man. He reflects his anger towards homosexuality in the bible, when he destroyed Sodom & Gomorra. Homosexuality is a spirit. What this boy needs to do is, come out of the closet & get delivered from this spirit of homosexuality. You can get cured from this, but you have to want to!

I think the very first comment is probably the best comment. We could have stopped right there.

Although I don’t believe in the lifestyle or that people are born that way, I support anyone who leaves an authentic life without hurting others. You being gay isn’t hurting me at all.

I would share it with your mother and take her advice. I would not participate in ‘manly’ things if its not you. That’s not authentic.

What is extremely sad is gay men who, for reasons of religion, go ahead and get married and have children. Then 20 yrs pass and then you want to come out. It’s going to come out sooner than later. Be real now before you hurt a potential wife. You will be just fine.

homie, do you! I thought the same thing. then one day…an incident happened and I was forced to either come up with the most unbelievable lie or simple tell the truth. so, I fessed up and told the truth. real talk, I aint no gump or chump either so my family was a bit surprised but didn’t turn their backs on me. the situation that occurred pushed us together where I had drawn a line of separation between my family and my “family.” case in point…when some shyt hit the fan…the cousin that I thought would have the biggest problem with my lifestyle was the first one to jump to action. my point is, don’t feel rushed, pressured, or obligated to tell people what u do in your own bed. ppl or society thinks that just b/c you are gay and they can’t tell that we should wear a fcuking sign or head like some mark of the beast shyt. nah son…hold ur head up…be the same respectable man you are…and ppl will talk initially but at the end of the day…what can they say that you think they haven’t thought or said already. I got inspiration from Senator/HOR Barney Frank where in an article he wrote (paraphrase) “they asked me if I was gay…and w/out think I said yeah so what…” and that stuck with me. it’s like beating the bully to the punch. feel me homie. lastly, I cannot tell you the liberating feeling I felt to have that weight off my shoulders and have family support. now they do not agree or condone…but they don’t disrespect and in return neither do I. I’m still the same ME. I party, work hard, play hard, and provide for me and mines. I still get looks from the ladies…but I’m on dudes. my motto…if u man enough to ask me…then I’m man enough to tell u. period dot.

I also agree with the notion of, ‘why does he owe anyone an explanation’. He can choose to tell ppl it’s none of their business what his sexual orientation is. I know it’s hard b/c most ppl innocently ask about other people’s relationship, marriage, children, etc. But that’s OUR PROBLEM AND IGNORANCE.

A simple analogy is wishing someone a Merry Christmas. Yes I am a Christian but to assume everyone celebrates Christmas is ignorance on my part. So I tell ppl happy holidays. If someone wished me a Happy Hanukkah I would think, ‘huh?’

It’s about having respect for your neighbor and treating others the way you want to be treated.

A lot of men that have the same issue always seem to have a hard time telling the people closest to them that they are gay. But, a lot have found out that their loved ones don’t feel any different about them even after they know. If my son came to me and said he was gay, I would say, “So what? I still love you. Your status will not change that love.” Have faith and tell them. No point in continuing to stress yourself out.

LMAO!! “Avid Reader” my ass!” Don’t know who this person is, but I DOUBT seriously he/she/they/it is who they claim to be. And, unfortunately, Nikki, though your heart is in the right place, you and the NB fam have been had.

If this person is reading your blog (at the ripe old age of 25 yrs) then they could not possibly have missed the many others that would better be in tune to their alleged problem, and who’s subscribers would more readily sympathize with their situation. KEITH BOYKIN, for example, to name one among many others.

The self-proclaimed “avid reader” is a EPIC Fail. And, he/she/they/it get NO POINTS.

Btw, the fella in the pic above this blog is a model/actor who appeared in the cable drama The DL Chronicles –which does not necessarily reflect his own sexual preference.

I refer to ‘avid reader’ as an Epic Fail because I don’t believe the topic to be genuine. On the (way)off chance that it might be, here are a few references that would better be consulted in a situation like this:

I am speaking to everyone here when I say: Knowing WHO you are is ESSENTIAL to being comfortable in your own skin. Whatever you are experiencing there is someone out there who has had that same experience. Reach out. Learn your HISTORY.

@Tori — That “black man” is of “no-relation” to me – as another black man!
I’ll make, yet-again, a valiant attempt to decipher the “true-meaning” in your writing; beyond the “sighs” of exasperation, browbeating and melodrama.
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Before I had even uttered a word – nay or yea – in regard to ‘Feb 8th Chrianna!’ I had, with the assistance of a Lawyer, my X, carefully deciphered, dissimulate and digest all that was credible and cogent regarding ‘Feb 8th Chrianna!
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What was/is seen as an account of that evening’s “happenings” is NOT represented in that “Cell Phone Warrant/Police Report” – as it is, JUST THAT, a warrant to get the cell phone records! If you happen over to thesmokinggun site, and have a look at THAT same affidavit, you’ll note, Rhianna’s signature appears NO-WHERE on that document! HOW can you give a statement and NOT sign it? YOU CAN’T, that’s why!
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The “truth of Feb 8th Chrianna” won’t be told, not till, Rhianna’s statement(signed)appears! Said statement, I believe, WILL shortly appear – it has to; there is STILL, just too much curiosity bout the matter!
So, if the truth, “in-verbatim,” of the events of that ‘Feb 8th evening’ are not said told, to what regard can we ever hold THAT narrative?
The “truth” of ‘Feb 8th’ lies hidden in plain sight:
*CoverGirl’s decision to discontinue her commercials just weeks before June 22nd, THEN ONLY to continue said commercials the day AFTER he cops to the assault. My point being – what in Rhianna’s testimony could have made CoverGirl NOT want to run her commercials? Er…maybe her being, as TMZ, characterized her actions as the “Aggressor and Instigator?” … I wonder….
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I can continue to give, yet more, cogent examples of her part in ‘Feb 8th'; but why bother? Essentially, it’ll all boil-down to whether Chris “over reacted” in his response to Rhianna’s attacks!
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My take on the matter: NO! He was driving, SHE, could have caused an accident, given HER reckless behavior!
Now, where or how, does “bravery,” “guts,” or even “cowardliness” find itself – in said narrative?
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I mean, that IS what you’re implying, NO? ….That I’m, in some way, “gutless” in my perspective/position/interpretation on/’bout ‘Feb 8th Chrianna!’ How self righteous you are; how, utterly, full-of-yourself you are!!!!
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Tori, how green IS MY VALLEY? But who cries for me? Who’ll wipe my tears?
You, as black woman are beyond reproach, you’re right and will ALWAYS be so; did not you read the “pass’,” the black women – on this very blog, gave to Mary J. Blige, after her recent, and very public violent outburst?
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Didn’t, even you, agree to/’bout the sentiment of that ABC-46%-black-women-not-married piece? Surely black men were/are to blame and the ONLY recourse open to black women – swirl!
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I find it curious, if not peculiar: the movie ‘Precious’ being in theaters now, then that, aforementioned, ABC piece, and now NB’s running this, as Nico points-out, “fishy” admission by some black f-A-G that reads….AT-BEST, nonsensical!
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Now, to close, why would I want to ever “silence” a sister? I invite any-and-all sister(s) to conversate and have an exchange-of-ideas, sentiment, and hopefully, mutual-bond(s) with I, a black man!
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Am I not taking the time to write this, admittedly – long winded – reply? …..Am I, not now, attempting to deconstruct and digest, no matter how difficult – all that you said? Sure I did!! Shame on you for “try-na throw a black man in da hole!”

Bro, you don’t own anything to anyone. Telling your family and closest friends will only make things worst for a really long time. Imagine This, If it took you sooo long to fully accept and come-out, imagine how long its going to take them to fully accept in the near future.
but If you are emotionnaly and mentally stable to deal with the consequences then My advice to you will be to move away for a lil while. When you’ find fo you that special person that has your heart on lock, that’s when you should come out. (at least you would have someone there who is down for you and who you can hold on to, just in case…)
Most people don’t understand gay and coming out, but they recognize and accept LOVE when they see, hear and feel it.

@Nico — I too feel that “avid-reader” to be….manufactured! But why?
Could it be the work of some ‘Angry-Black Woman’ who, saw that ABC piece, and felt it HER “duty” to expose and/or humiliate black men?
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Could it be some ‘YT’ looking to add-fuel-to-fire?
Nico, why would NB NOT voice some sort of….’caution’ and write some sort of “disclaimer” in said regard? …YOU DID! NB has NEVER answered ANY of my questions/concerns. Nico, can you directly ask her – PLEASE?

@KlassicNubian — “MOST???” I’m sure YOU speak for yourself! YOU, thankfully are in the minority!
HOMOSEXUALITY IS MURDER! Can’t you see that? You’re murdering the race AND the black race!
KlassicNubian, you have no backbone, the moral-fiber, that once was found in the matrix of your psyche, has LONG-been worn and remains now – shredded, beyond repair.
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Why do WE accept all that ‘YT’ gives us? We accept THEIR standard of beauty – just short of that, we closely follow and construct our own: Light skin/Long hair! We’ve sacrificed our very souls, and for what? ….Acceptance, by the very heretics, who have long raped, pillage and distorted – to their benefit – ALL other cultures they EVER contact!
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The Homosexual and the Jew are in FULL control of Hollywood, ex – Perez Hilton, Harvey Levin of TMZ! Why am I, to feel, in any way – guilt, remorse or introspection, as my religious beliefs – which guided me, on my VERY difficult journey/sojourn in this country/society – now ‘comes-under-fire’ for my stand on Proposition 8?
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How dare you, and the FAGHAGS, ever question MY righteousness, convictions or decency?
I, as-black-man, gave THIS country/society it’s morality, heart and soul!
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I, as black man, stand-alone in “blackness” – black women can ‘swirl-their-way-out’ of all that is “black” in “blackness,” but they too – will soon find – that, yes, the river-of-time does move-on, and you can NEVER return-home, once removed!

@ X,Y “AND Z” Ohhh geez. You are sadly drifting away from the topic.
I did not point my finger at anyone and i’m not looking to judge anyone’s opinion. everyone has a rights to have one.
LOVE Is My Religion and Me and my brothers and sisters, yellow, white, BLUE, GREY, Yellow, and black Are Free To LOve Who and What ethnicity We Please.
BTW I’m A Mix of east Indian and Direct Black African descent,
AM I a disgrace to the black race?
HOW DARE YOU?!
I think you are in the wrong place. you should head over to Uganda where you belong, not because you are homophobic but because you are Heartless.
The Truth will be revealed on that special day, And you’d better be right.

First problems is for some reason majority of the black community don’t think that we have homosexuals and that is “other” races problems. It is easy to tell him oh F&%K whatever someone has to say. You can find new friends (even if you have known them all of your life), but you can’t replace family members. On the flip side it is eating you alive. You would feel relief letting your “secret” out despite the backlash you may/will receive. I suggest that if you know choose a family member/friend that you know will be the most supportive and start there. It is better for your loved ones to find out from you then someone to catch you.

@KlassicNubian — So Ugandans are…”heartless?” In your saying that – what Idi Amin proposed for homosexuals, not unlike Castro, was “right-on-point” – a “final-solution” is what’s “called-for!”
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As far as – “the point”: you made a “broad-sweeping” and “hideously-obtuse” statement; attempted, I did, to addressed; I tried, to “make-proper-treatise”, labor – as I did, your deviant lifestyle, indecency and immorality “guards you” from any perspective that may threaten your decadence!
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I NOW see that it was incorrect for me to expect any “shame” or contrition from/of you, you’re “beyond-shame,”; beyond the reach of any human-connection, the earth stopped spinning and you’ve flown-off into outer-space; you’re beyond the pale of reason; you’re OF the-beasts-of-the-fields – god, nor any social-construct, governs your yearning or cravings!
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May god have mercy on your soul!
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May god bring the plague(s) that will remove the cancer – THAT IS YOU – from our sight; may he THEN continue to bless and keep us – might THEN, my cup runneth over!
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X,Y,”and Z” – OUT!

WoW this hits very close to home because I have a brother 24yrs old and our parents are also Religious.
The reason I say it hits close to home is because I know my brother is gay and he thinks that I dont know
I never ask because everyone at the end of the day it is his life. Does that make me not love him Of course not! We all have skeletons in our closets and if your choice in being who you are is not a skelaton “Open the door” and take the good with the bad- You dont have to take out a billboard ad to announce

@KlassicNubian — No, that’s why they’re gays – who more “entertaining” than F-A-G-G-O-T-S? NO one, that’s who! If you were never told – we’re laughing AT-you, NOT-with you!
…And after the “one-liners,” what remains is the glaring and uncomfortable truth – YOU’RE A BLIGHT ON THE LAND – A CANCER ON THE SOUL – IF THY EYES OFFENDS THEE, PLUCK THEM OUT!!
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@Vicky — Be honest, would YOU “trust” your brother around your son? How do you look him, in the face, knowing HIS SOUL will BURN in eternal damnation? Isn’t HE then, the “walking-dead?” ….Is HE, not then, a soul-less, mind-less, zombie-like animal?
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Vicky, if he was “born that way” then his “fate-was -sealed” before conception – he’ll continue his walk to damnation…
If society “made your brother, into what you NOW see” THEN, his behavior has a chance to be ‘altered.’ Should he THE choose to continue, his deviant ways, and hence walk to purgatory, what more of a evil-figure can you EVER find?
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^^^That said, again, I’ll ask, would YOU allow your son – your seemingly heterosexual prepubescent son – around him for ANY appreciable time?

I feel you should tell your friends and family. I was going thru the same situation 5 years ago. When I came out to my mom she already knew. A parent knows they just want to ignore it. I have lost many friends and my father doesn’t answer my calls but you know what…I am still alive and more happier than ever. If your friends disown you then they were never your friends. LGBT has a big support system. You will make friends.

Ok Ok this is obviously a hott topic so this is my 2cents: I am a Christian/Spirital woman and I belive in the Trintiy. I also believe that you are born GAY I have seen children that were gay from the very begining even before they knew. so I am so hurt and upset by the so called Christains that say if your gay your going to hell, Well if your commiting Adultry, Steal, PreMartial Sex, Lie, Cheat, Eat Pork or Shellfish, Have children with a Step Parent, Brother/Sister In Law,3rd 4th or 5th Cousin, Incest, Lust and much much more your going to hell as well(AND THATS IN THE BIBLE) check out Leviticus 18:22 on wikipedia it spells it out in laimen terms : The chapter deals with a number of sexual activities considered ‘unclean’ or ‘abominable’. Although the chapter is principally concerned with incest, it also contains laws related to bestiality as well . We are all sinners we must die to our flesh daily and repent. God is the ONLY JUDGE dont judge nor be concerned about others affairs. Once you stand before God it will be You and ONLY YOU! He will not be concerned about what your neighbor did and what you know about it. He Knows All And Sees All. So to the young man with this issue I pray that you find peace in your heart how ever that may happen. Stay Bless Yall in 2010 cuz tommorow is not promised.

OMG!! I know iam probably a year late commenting on this post, however I couldn’t help but 2 comment real quick some of the comments r outrageous!! Whoever said that being gay is not a choice is real fuccked up in the head! U are not born gay either that shit is ludacris!!! And @5 star, b4 I comment, iam sorry bout ur brother , but u can’t state that had he not been gay he wouldn’t have died, it was God’s call, n it could have happened if he was straight, sad but true

I came accross a similar topic on Mad news Blog which is uk based. If you are interested in reading about it, google mad news blog, go into archives and search for metro sexual trend. Sit back and read the comments. Enjoy yall.
Happy new year and keep hate outta yo selves. Your choice anywho.

By the way, X, Y, and Z. You have comprehensional problems. You read and interprete things the way you want to. Distorting someone’s views and perfecting them to your understanding looks kinda dodgy. I find you hilarious.LOL!!!

X, Y and Z, your problem is one, you dislike gays and the white race and blame them for lagging the black man behind. The black gay man for not being able to procreate and expand the black race that is being erased by the white race. I see nothing more to what you said and will end it there.

@bat — I “comprehended-enough” to take a complex, compelling, and obviously, confounding subject as this and attempt ‘perfect-treatise.’
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Er…..but what else can one do – but to – READ AND INTERPRET? And what can one do, but use one’s experiences, reasoning and judgment?
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Fitzgerald’s definition of “intelligence” – yet again, applies! This subject matter is not an adoration. Surely, even yourself MUST realize this! My reasoning, and hence final-judgment/thoughts, on-said-matter, comes from a lifetime’s contemplation.
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What is NOW obvious: your disapproval of my thoughts on the matter – you’re offended; so you attack. But, in said attack, you show your basis of such, as warrantless, nonsensical, dare I say, even whimsical. This subject matter is far too serious for your…”entertainment!”
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^^^^^That said, I now direct you, as I did Tori, to the posts/comments/subject matter that requires less…..’mental-aptitude': “who-wore-it-best,” “who’s doing-who”….I’m sure you ‘get-my-drift!’
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So, run along now – the adults have much to discuss!
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X,Y, “and Z” — OUT!!!

LOL!!! I was reacting to your directing me to the subjects that need less mental ability. Then my brain was triggered to the bill board , itunes etc. etc.. Just saying, not hating.

What i find amusing is that some men are more equal than others. That’s all i am saying. Had i known earlier your stand on gays, i would not have responded to your disdain for black gay men. I thought your batttle was for all black men. But i now know it is only for straight black men.

I think that ultimately the decision to come out the closet is his. I do not agree with homosexuality but I do not ill treat people who choose the practice. I also agree that it seems to be a lifestyle. There was one point when everyone was coming out as homosexuals and then would be heterosexual 2 months later. The youth of today is confused and I feel as though some think of homosexuality as a way to fit in. Its sad…I am not a religious person in so many words but I do believe that God is the only judge. I have friends who play for the other team and friends who ride the fence, who are we to judge them? If your opinion is that they will burn for their acts then so be it but remember that we are all sinners, and reguardless of your sin compared to homosexuality a sin is still a sin. No one sin out weights the other…..Food for thought

The topic of homosexuality is such a touchy one and controversial one, dat i can c from the debate between da 2 r more bloggers earlier…though I kno it is a sin to engage in same sex practices i have lisetened 2 both heteros n homos n have found dat both have sum valid points. I c it as dis homos r right 2 say dat dey didnt wake up one day n choose 2 become gay one of dem asked me dis “who wid choose 2 become a social outcast?”n dat i could find no reason…dere r ppl dat live wid issues of gender identity though dis is not da case 4 dis situation but i do realize dere r many different reasons y a person becomes attracted 2 sum1 of da same sex…n on a bible aspect ppl say how God condemns homosexuals but dey fail 2 remember God also gave free will whether 2 serve him r live contrary 2 standards he’s set b4 us wen it is time we all have 2 b held accountable 4 r actions so 2 dis individual with these 2 tings in mind u make da decision u kno u can live wid ur not less human 4 ur desires n needs its wat makes us human but i can say dat it is wrong of heteros by dere indignations n attitudes n beliefs 2 let others b so afraid 2 live truthfully, would u rather a person close 2 u do tings behind ur bac r in front ur face?n as i saw earlier… 2 da lady dat put all those bible scriptures up y was dat necessary? from wat i read n comprehended dis man cums from a deeply religious background so im sure if he wanted 2 kno where he could have found scriptures stating Gods abhorrence of gays he would have reached 4 his bible he came to dis site 4 advice not a sermon wen u do things of dat nature u do more harm den good keep dat in mind…enough said.

I am surprised at some of the comments made on this blog, they show a range from blind acceptance to rabid hatred, when the issue is to help this young man to understand and come to terms with his life.

A decision is as good as the facts that is based upon. Too often what we think we know has been provided to us from lying sources. It does well to test your information and decisions BEFORE you burn bridges and destroy relationships.

If this young mans family are true to Christ, then they will accept what he tells them as a fact, but also help counsel him into either rejecting or at least being totally sure about his new ‘life’

This is a major concern in the black community and it should be discussed by facts. First, we are all created equally and diversely so we have to stop judging others because of who they are. Secondly, sexuality is not discussed in the bible as mainstream religious organizations make people believe that it is discussed. Homosexuality is not a sin against God, in fact sexuality has never been discussed in the bible with dos and don’ts, yes it is brought up and religious society has interpreted homosexuality as a sin that is damnable, however, that just is not true. God loves all, if you first believe there is a God.

As far as what this young man is dealing with really has nothing to do with his sexuality but more with the fear of the unknown and rejection. Just like most of us that has to deal with issues of mainstream conflict we have a tendency to want to predict what others will think about us and not so much what we think about ourself; the reason being is humans have the innate desire to be accepted. Since homosexuality and not sexuality per se is a controversial issue, to divulge such a normal human behavior such as homosexuality to family, friends or even strangers, hold a major fear of rejection in a person’s mind. We must remember it is human opinion and thought that set the norms for a society. Social norms are not produced by fact but are usually created out of the fear of the unknown or by trying to create a universal acceptance by what a person or group of people “THINK” all others will believe as normal.

Therefore, my brother is dealing with internal conflict of what he knows as fact of how God created him vs. what societal norms dictates. This conflict puts him in a precarious place to deny self in order to be accepted by those he believes embraces this fictional place of social norms (that some people say God created).

Once the majority begin to accept people are created differently and stop judging others because they may not be clones of them or even more so embrace the moral code that they believe in then homosexuality will no longer be a topic of discussion, it will just be a fact of life just like we are born male, female, black, white, asian or even with physical birth defects. Remember at one time psychology based on religion deemed a person that had leprosy was mentally ill as well as physically mutilated and should be quarantined from “NORMAL” society.

To my brother, before sharing any information with anyone, evaluate self and make a determination if you truly unconditionally love yourself. If you unconditionally love yourself, trust me those who say they love you unconditionally will embrace your love for yourself and respect you for who you are and not for what you are not. Love starts with self and when you love yourself unconditionally others will as well. Otherwise, the fears you have of rejection will most certainly be true.

Oh lordy queen!! Please, stay in the closet and don’t come out, we don’t want you to. We are proud and love ourselves enough to not care what others think. P.S. They all know, so keep hiding, it makes you look silly and scared, that’s how they want you to be. If it weren’t for the “bottom” tattoo on your forhead, I would have never know.

Please tell the young man that it takes courage to stand up & be who you really are. I will say that as a single black woman, I am happy that you aren’t on the DL and that you respect yourself & women enough to not be using them as ponds. I wish you much luck & peace in the future. May God be w/ you.

DON’T DO IT. Your not ready. Coming out isn’t easy, first off yes your going to lose some family and friends and you said your not ready to do that. So keep doing what your doing keeping it in the closet. See the thing with coming out you have to know that in your heart of hearts that at what ever the cost you have to be free to live your life as a whole individual. At that point no one will be able to stop you from taking your stand as a wonderfully blesssed gay man ready and willing to take on whatever is thrown your way, and dare anyone to denie you that and at that point the exceptance comes and all that that the devil would have taken from you according to gods law he has to give it back to you 100 fold friends, family, and now loves yes now you will be in a position to receive the love of your life and that alone is worth it

Please to honest with yourself first, you get one life to live. If you not ready at 24 your not going to be ready at 34, its not losing the family that your worried about, it what there going to think of you that your worried about. The stress alone is what goin to kill you, the hiding, the sneaking,and the lying, is goin to get tired and when your really tired youll be who you really are………….

I respect the fact that u dont do both but yea as everybody has said…LIVE UR LIFE! If they lov u then when u decide to come out they will still fuck wit u & if they dont guess what>LESS PRESENTS U GOTTA BUY @ CHRISTMES TIME!GO! 2010 GET $$$$$$!

@ OsoAlluring, YESSS!!! YOU r soooo on point!!! So true, not twisting what the bible says like so many “religious christians” do. You killed all those ignorant homophobic people with that fantastic tongue of yours!!! LOVE IT!!
NubianJ can you retire talking already?!!! At least till you have gotten an education, I mean if my waist was as narrow as your mind I would make Dita Von Teese look fat.
X Y ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.
If the letter is genuine, then my advice: find LGBT groups to attend, over time you will make friends there who will be aware of your sexual orientation. This should build up your confidence, because then if you choose to come out and if worst comes to worst and your friends show they aren’t your friends and if your family are only your family by blood then at least you have some friends to support you and you have an outlet.
Come out when YOU are ready.It’s YOUR life, YOUR sexual orientation, YOUR decision, YOUR perogative. I wish you all the best.

All you homophobic people stop wasting your time with your stupid, ill informed comments and go open your minds up. You cannot say any of those nasty comments to our faces you have to hide behind a screen. AWWWWWWWWWWWWW. Thing is if any of you haters were to say any of those things to me I may lose control, which I would not want to happen. I would hate to go to jail because of cowards like yous and pink and red just ain’t happenin bitch!!

While I’m not a “fan” of homosexuality, I must say people have the right to do what they want and who they want. God does not hate homosexuals, but he does hate the act of homosexuality and sodomy. God is love and he loves us all and he gave us free will. I’m a christian and i hate when fake christians make crazy evil statements as if they have a real relationship with God. I do believe that some people are born with issues that make them confused and others choose to be bisexual. It all could possibly be demon spirits, who knows. It is what it is and it ain’t going nowhere. We were created to procreate and you can’t do that with someone of the same sex as you. I wish dude well, he should just come out and be done with it. He’s homosexual and nothing will change that. Tell mom first.

Wow X,Y and Z, I need to clear something up. Black gay males are killing your race and need to jump of a cliff as you say, right. I’m a white gay male. Am I ok or should I jump off the same cliff too. You’re just so wise I need to know what to do with myself to help the world since we are all in this together. I think you should run for president in 2012. With your views you should be a shoe in. BTW my race has a bunch of people that have big open minds like you. There called the “KKK” think you guys have a lot in common. They might have a home page you can blog on also. You can probably Google it. Good luck and keep hating your just so f-ing good at it.

It really difficult to note that there is no one that this brother can talk to without the FEAR of being judged or labelled. I think it is best to look at self first. My question would be where is the father in his relationship? Throw religion out the window and seek the relationship with The Creator. Because we are stuck on religiousity, people cannot truly express their WHOLE AND COMPLETE SELF. Do not let them pigeon hole you! You are more than your sexuality! Pray and cry out with your WHOLE HEART and the truth (hate to use cliches but……) will set you free. Do the Soul Searching!

Well let me start off by saying that you shouldn’t live your life by tryig to make others happy. You should only want to make yourself happy as I see it. I belive that you should go ahead and come out to the one’s that you love, and if they cant except you for who you are than that’s something that they will have to eventually get over it becuase it would be better to find out from you that them finding out from someone else.
And as of far as your friends go i belive that you shouldn’t tell them. I think that one day when you guys are all together you should bring up the subject about men being gay but make sure that you dont draw too much attention to where they would figure you out. If they say that they really wouldn’t have a problem then you should come out to them, and if they dont then you hae to see it as if they are your real friends the n they will except you for who you are.
Just remember do youu.!!!

He should pray. he is making a decesion to have sex with men while is a sin and was a sin when God destroyed an entire city because of foollishness like this and other sisn. The bible say God is the same yesteday, TODAYand FOREVER, so if it was a sin then…..DOHA IT STILL is…. you need to grow some balls and be a man instead of a pertend girl….just crazy as hell. and the queen that said that don’t join us. oh yea he will in Hell with the rest of you gay peope. Gay is a sexual choice not a race or desease…… the world is in the last days,.

I know I am late on this one. But this hit too close to home. My father is gay and he knew he was gay since birth. My father and mother grew up together and were the best of friends. Everyone EXPECTED them to eventually marry. My father did not want to hurt or disappoint anyone ..he just did what he thought he was “supposed” to do which was marry and have children. Well, guess what?…he’s still gay . Everyone was happy in and around his life BUT HIM! I pray that this young man stays true to HIMSELF and LOVE GOD and everything else will fall in place. If some doesn’t like WHO HE IS..it’s their problem..not his! My daddy is the best DAD EVER ..i couldn’t ask for a better father/roll model. He is a black college professor and OUT OF THE CLOSET!We are who we are honey. Acceptance comes from within ..good luck to him

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An interesting discussion is definitely worth comment.
I think that you should write more on this issue, it may
not be a taboo subject but generally folks don’t speak about such
issues. To the next! Kind regards!!

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