How to End Your Money Nightmares

In a survey of 1,200-plus women by SELF and DailyWorth.com, 69 percent of you say that money fears routinely keep you up at night. But there are easy steps you can take to ward off those panicked 3 a.m. wake-ups and feel calmer about your financial state—and your life. Try these tips, rest easy, and watch your stress slither away.

I can’t stop shopping online.

“I have a late-night Zappos problem,” says Lauren, 28, a health care researcher (all names have been changed). “To wind down, I watch The Daily Show while I browse for cute clothes on my laptop. Sometimes, I don’t even realize I’m actually buying things. Then, when I get the bills, I wig out.”

Chillax tactic: To be sure you don’t buy automatically, learn your shopping triggers. Do you shop when you’re bored or lonely? Do you tell yourself you’ll return things, then don’t? Do you think you’re getting away with something when you snag a sale item? “Once you know what drives you, you can take preemptive action,” says Amanda Clayman, a financial-wellness counselor in New York City. Lauren could watch Jon Stewart without her laptop. Or she could put stuff in her Zappos cart, then wait until morning to make the purchase. The point is to interrupt the knee-jerk behavior so that when you do click buy, you’ll do it consciously and be happy about it, and not kick yourself when it’s time to pay up.

I want to buy a house but worry that if I do, I won’t have enough left for a crisis.

“I was unemployed for a while, and it was terrifying,” says Heather, 31, a tech-support rep. “Now I’ve saved enough for a down payment, but what if I lose my job again? I’m paralyzed!”

Chillax tactic: “Start by saying your goal—’I want to own a home’—out loud,” says Marilyn Wechter, a psychotherapist and wealth counselor in St. Louis. Once you’ve stated your dream, jot down a plan: Here’s my budget; here’s how I’ll do it. (Check out these tips.) Then share your strategy with a pal to see if it makes sense. “Often, it’s easier to feel bummed that you can’t have what you want than to look at a goal, own it—that’s the saying-out-loud-and-writing-down part—and do what it takes to get there,” Wechter says.

If I look at my bills, I’ll freak!

“I have a vague idea of how much I spend every month,” says Evelyn, 26, a preschool teacher. “But I don’t want to know the real numbers. That feels too frightening. I’d prefer to shove the whole thing right out of my brain.”

Chillax tactic: Sure, bills can be scary. But avoiding a monster you know is there can end up causing more stress. For one thing, your imagination can be worse than reality. Plus, knowing the facts (even if they’re ugly) and doing something about them will instantly cause your stress level to drop. “Take any action, however small—like paying off more than the minimum on Visa—and your fears get more manageable,” Wechter says. To build up your courage, call a friend and ask her to stay on the phone while you open the first bill. You’ll immediately feel more powerful when you take that step, and opening the rest will be easier.

What if I end up being a bag lady?

“I came into an inheritance—a few million—and I still worry I won’t have enough,” says Renee, 36, a software developer. “I’m scared that if I give up my salary and something happens, I’ll be hosed!”

Chillax tactic: This fear—which 19 percent of you share—has little to do with money. “It’s more about the possibility of being alone,” says Eleanor Blayney, author of Women’s Worth: Finding Your Financial Confidence. “Think about it: The image of a bag lady is someone who doesn’t have anyone to rely on.” So remind yourself of your safety net—would friends or family let you be homeless?—and tell them you’re worried. “When you keep your fears secret, they grow,” Blayney adds. “By sharing them, you’ll cut them in half.”

I can’t afford a life.

“I’m starting out, and I basically live on ramen and coffee—not from Starbucks,” says M.J., 22, an editorial assistant. “I live in the most exciting city—New York—but I can’t even go out for a beer.”

Chillax tactic: You can have fun with a little planning. Take Tamara, 26, a new law-school grad. “I see frugal living as a sport I can win,” she says. “I know about the Chinese place that offers six dumplings and a drink for $3.50 from 3 p.m. to 5 p.m. I buy bras only during Victoria’s Secret semiannual sales.” How does she not stress about money? “I tell myself I’m doing all I can to live cheaply while I look for a job I want,” she says. “If you don’t like what you do, it depresses the hell out of you, and my goal is to be happy, not rich.” So don’t say you can’t afford dinner with friends; instead, decide what you’re willing to forgo in exchange, then live it up!