A reader asks, “Am I gay?”

One of the many great things I really enjoy when I started having this blog is receiving emails from readers. I get several everyday, and I tell you however busy I get, I always make it a point to open my email inbox, and excitedly go through emails from MGG readers.

For this post, I picked one email exchange. The email is from Seth, a father of two kids, each from a different woman. He asks, “Am I gay?” This is pretty long, but rather interesting. Read on.

(Below is the exact email sent by Seth to me…)

– o –

hi…

my name’s seth..
i don’t know how to start…
mainly im here hoping you have the answer to this question…
kung ano ba talaga ako…?

im really confused…

im 21 years old.. dalawa na anak.. from two different woman..
i’ve always been known as a chick boy, chick magnet. and other similar stuff…
and talaga i love women.. and i probably wont be able to live without them…

pero somehow i get attracted to men…
lalo na if they are more attractive than me.. im not really bad my self btw…

anyway..

all i remember.. that i started having this kind of feeling when i was in 2nd year college… pinasali ako ng prof ko dati sa parang contest… interschool na beauty pageant…

i was attracted sa isang fellow contestant… i felt weird kasi alam ko straight ako… later i got to know him better… and the feeling just got worst.. i wanted to get inside his pants.. talagang gusto ko na sapakin sarili ko at hindi ko na maintindihan nararamdaman ko.. sabi ko probably just the tequila i had…

later sa contest… fortunately nanalo nman ako.. he came to me.. congratulated me at kung pede ko daw cya samahan… didn’t know wer pero sama nman ako… and the rest was of the story was my first time “experience” with a guy…

since then… i get attracted to men… pero ang totoo four times palang akong nagkaroon ng sexual experience with another guy…

and this is probably the reason….

’twas my second experience with a guy when i tried to go as far as sucking.. and getting nailed in the ass… pero it wasn’t very pleasant for me… i was even near beating the guy after sticking his thing in me…

im trying my best to stay away from having sexual experiences with guys again… kasi naaawa lng ako sa nagiging partner ko… like nung last time… he gave me a bj.. i f*cked him in the ass… after… he was obviously expecting me to do something in return.. wala nman akong ginawa kundi nagbihis at umalis…

i don’t think its fair kung ganon..

when i’m making love to a woman.. i make sure na i give her pleasure… at hindi sarili ko lng iniisip… i think that’s how sex should be…

btw… i have a gay friend who recommended you to me..
sabi nya better to ask you than go to a sex therapist or something…

salamat ng marami…

– o –

hi seth…

first of all, i’m not a therapist 🙂 consider me a friend who wants to help.

alam mo, marami na akong nakausap na katulad mo. i too went through a similar process. hindi madali, talagang nakakalito to the point na mafu-frustrate ka. masuwerte ka na that you have a friend who you can talk to about this (i assume, alam nung gay friend mo about your confusion.) when i was confused before, wala akong masabihan. i even know one guy who committed suicide because of this. kaya unahan na kita — be strong, and look forward to that great happiness you will experience once you find your true self.

Comments (38)

you might not be a gay man, but surely you’re a bisexual man- attracted to both sexes, based from your experiences.. or should i say you’re still on the process of self confusion, or culture shock on the gay part for that matter. you might not enjoy sucking, but you’re enjoying to be sucked. and i strongly believe that any man who finds interested to have sexual contact to his fellow man, is surely not a straight guy!!C:

gud amm mr MGG.
im a new reader of ur sight, and i really enjoy it.. with all the stuff you try to share, it’s so much fun..
mr. mgg, like seth i would like to ask you about some questions regarding my sexuality..
may i know ur e-add? tanx a lot..
andree

*Homie- Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I am really getting more and more interested with my topic labeling.. hehe. So you agree with me that labeling is a bad thing. hehe. Thanks for your argument.

I really think Seth is gay. Un lang. Although im not the “Seth” type of gay, I still feel that he is one of us. At saka yung bisexual thingy na yan, I think it is somehow the result of the discrimination faced by the gay community before, and i think hanggang ngayon pa rin. Some bi’s consider themselves as such to conceal the “gayness” that they have and maybe, to deny the fact they’re gay, in other terms, to make iwas sa discrimination. Wala tayong mapatutunguhan kung ganun nga yung ibang gays. How can we solve the discrimination most gay advocates are fighting for sa country na ito kung idedeny lang natin ang pagiging gay.

Uhm. May nabasa pa ako na-article about being bisexual pero nakalimutan ko na yung source. I just like to share it. Sabi dun. Kapag bi ka at kapag you’re having an affair with a woman, then you’re considered a heterosexual because what you do is what hetero men are doing. AT kapag bi ka and sa guy ka naman may affair, pede kang maconsider na homo since what you’re practicing is in fact a homo lifestyle. So aion. I think bisexual is just a thing that arose as gay’s response to discrimination.

sa inyong lahat. be proud. you’re gay. i am proud na gay ako and i dont hide the gayness i have. Love being gay. hehe. enjoy as long as you’re not going beyond the fair line. and respect each other even if he is not the type of gay that you like or you prefer. the important thing is that he is also gay. haha

Seth, what is important is how will you answer the question AM I GAY? Regardless of all the feedbacks, bottomline, ikaw pa rin ang sasagot niyan. And when you answer that question truthfully, will you ACCEPT THAT FACT? Otherwise, it will be an endless cycle of denials and questions.

With the facts you presented, of ‘Topping’ and ‘Bottoming’ with the same sex, the answer to your question is obvious. But, as everyone has been saying, YOU must answer that truthfully and ACCEPT that answer.

However, it seems you aren’t bothered by your situation. You KNOW the answer but what you are looking for in MGG is SUPPORT, UNDERSTANDING, and ACCEPTANCE. At any rate, it is still YOU who will have the FINAL say on this issue.

I have always believed that ‘bisexuality’ is a phase rather than a permanent stage; before you become exclusively gay, dadaanan mo muna ang katakot-takot na denial at pagpapatunay na hindi ka nga bading. Kaya maraming mga bading na may anak, kasi nga ‘pinatunayan’ nila minsan na hindi sila bading. Some guys eventually come to terms with their true selves and come out while others, sadly, choose to live their whole lives denying themselves real happiness.

In most parts of Europe, they dont really care which ‘box’ they fit in; whether straight, gay, bi or whatever, not really a big deal. When I was younger, I have had a sexual encounter with a dutch guy and the next day he told his dutch girlfriend about the whole thing and the girlfriend just giggled. (It was surreal, I swear.) I became close with the girl eventually, though sadly wala na ulit nangyari sa amin ng boyfriend niya. Di ko na kayang ulitin pa. This happened again with a young greek guy who told his girlfriend and then this german (pokpok ata ako noon.) That was when I realized kung gaano kalaki ang hangups nating mga Pinoy pagdating sa sex, sexuality at sexual preference. WHAT WE DO IN BED AND WHO WE DO IT WITH DOES NOT DEFINE WHO WE ARE.

Seth, don’t wrack your brains out trying to figure if you are or if you’re not. The important thing is you respect whoever it is you’re with, have safe and passionate sex with the one you’re with and love the person you’re with.

And whatever you discover about yourself, never listen to what other people would say. Hindi ka naman nila pinapakain, di ba?

it would be easier for seth to understand that beyond the basic concept of straight and gay lie a wide spectrum of personalities. stereotyping being gay, in general, is akin to generalizing that everyone who lives in the Philippines is Filipino.

First, there are gay men and women. Women can be
1. tomboys – women who love men but act like men
2. butch lesbians – women who love women and want to become men
3. lipstick lesbians – women who love women but enjoy being women
4. bisexual women – women who love men and women

In the same way, homosexual men have these distinctions, too.
1. the effeminate gay guy – men who like men but act soft and swishy
2. the “paminta” – men who like men but still act like the stereotypical men, albeit dressing much much better.
3. the cross dressers – these are the men who like men but want to look like women
4. the bisexual – men who like both men and women.

Whatever category one belongs to, one still falls under the generic category “gay”, simply because he/she is not straight. Categorically speaking, a straight person only likes, loves, fantasizes about, and has sex with the opposite sex.

In our GLTB (gay, lesbian, transsexual, and bisexual) society, it is a sad fact that so many people box each other in and would like to deny certain groups.

Straight acting guys prefer not to be with effeminates, effeminates who claim that the straight-acting guys are just pretending, straight acting guys who claim they’re bisexual because they feel degraded if they’re labelled as gay… the list goes on.

Whatever your preference, it’s best to accept who you are and forget about the labels.

…to Seth, based from your letter I believe you’re Gay, however it would be nice to stop making things more complicated, like having relationship behind your ‘girlfriend’ that would not just give bad impression to your self but for being a gay and to gay community as well…You donâ€™t want to be cheated too , right?…now, regarding labeling, I guess all we need to do is give a Respect to those people, we all know thereâ€™s always a reason to itâ€¦
And to Migs, Iâ€™m getting more interested in meeting you not for any reason (ehem!Ãœ) I hope you’ll arrange a party for your blog and we’re all invited to celebrate with you! ehehehehe…cheers! take care!

Hi Madz-labeling IS insidious. Kasi, aside from promoting stereotypes and biases, it is a form of control that society exercises on us as long as we subscribe to it. I like the line from Sex and the City where Miranda describes the sexual landscape of the future as being “pansexual”. I think love and attraction has no gender and I think when we let go of it, so will our prejudices go.

As this is not exactly a sex forum or one that advocates sin – I wonder where the preceding post gets off spreading his pious platitudes? Must have wandered in from another blog. Oh well – live and let live.

Hi Migs – hope you can post the next installment of the letter tomorrow. I hope it’s full of sex and sinfullness. c”,)

hehe… nakakatuwa naman talaga tong blog na ito. Thanks Migs. I am one of your big fan na and your big fan’s fan na rin. I really really learned a lot to the stuffs written here. It is such an important thing to and for me to relate with other people who have the same gender preference that i have. Being gay I think is something to be proud of specially if every gay in “OUR” community knows how to respect and love not only the members of this third “amazing” world but also those people outside our own world.

Going back to the topic, I really really love to comment on this one. Because, like what Ive said on your g0y entry before, Im working with my paper about the consequences of labeling. I know for a fact that gays are not the just the parloristas but there are a lot of gays pa of different lifestyle and preference. However, these types may result to complications that will soon be faced by the gay community. Do you guys think there are really consequences behind this gay categorization? In other terms, is labeling a bad thing?

Hope you guys could comment on this one lalo na po kayo Migs coz i really respect and believe your answers and opinions. very strong and very gay-related opinions.

i think everyone is a bisexual. i don’t know. pero i do believe that at one point in out lives we do get attracted to the same sex, kahit man pilitan mo straight ka or something. yup, there are so many gay forms. hehe. it’s just that most would pinoys think gays are like one form – cross dresser na parlorlista. there are so many of us. uhm, kuya/ate migs can i know your email add i’d like some advice too. hihi.

Hello Manila Gay Guy!
I found this somewhere….and I’d love to share it with you and with others.

“LIST OF “GIVE-UPS”

Give up bitterness, be forgiving.
Give up hatred, return good for evil.
Give up negativism, be positive.
Give up complaining, be grateful.
Give up harsh judgment, think kind thoughts.
Give up worry, trust Divine Providence.
Give up discouragement, be full of hope.
Give up anger, be more patient.
Give up pettiness, be more mature.
Give up gloom, enjoy the beauty around you.
Give up jealousy, pray for trust.
Give up gossiping, control your thoughts.
Give up sin, turn to virtue.
Give up sex, turn to love.

OMG…give up sin and sex! Thats difficult!
On second thoughts…..yeah! we can do it, if and only if we become children of God.

What is it with labels? Sabi nga ni Gore Vidal “To allow one’s self to be labeled is to allow one’s self to be enslaved.” So what if you already have kids from two different women and still like having nookie with guys – the thing is, you have to be comfortable in your own skin and not subscribe to the gender-idealizations of other people. If you think you’re straight but like guys as well, that’s for you to live with but as with all things: live in honesty. Be honest with yourself and with your partners. Yun lang.

“Do what makes you happy, life is not based in the money you got and the success you’ve achieved. Itâ€™s all about being happy with who you are, who you’re with, who you’ve got, who you love and who makes your life worth living.”

“Be more concerned with your character than with you reputation. Your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are.”

Why bothered, if your gay, goy, bisexual or what are you?
There are 3 thinks in life (I considered) important…..Be happy and enjoy life to the fullest. Accept the things that can be change and accept the things that cannot be change. Love unconditionally…..without asking for returns.

Thing is, accept who you are, as Migs said how people would answer your question is not as important as how you would answer it. Filipinos have a certain mentality about ‘gay’ kasi kaya minsan mahirap for a person to admit that he is gay. but when you come to accept who you are, despite what it’s called, then you will somehow be happy.