Hnn...this story, it's not /bad/, but..it just felt rushed to me. The whole "traitors in Shinra" thing seemed sorta contrived, and not explained well enough. I thought now would have been a great tiime to reference the SOLDIERs with wings, since you mentioned them in both Lonliness and S&M. Also, if I'm being nit-picky, there were one or two spelling mistakes, liked 'dived' instead of 'dove'.

As long as I'm here...*don't hate me*, I wanted to ask a few things that have been bothering me...

Why does Seph have glasses? That's not canon, which is Ok, since this is fanfic. But, he doesn't have them in T&D/S&M. Plus, wouldn't being in SOLDIER at least require a vision test?

Actually, all of your SOLDIERs seem a bit weaker than normal. Little things like Seph being hardly able to use his sword with his other hand, climbing slowly down a helicopter ladder rather than jumping (remember Zack jumping out of the copter to land on the train in the CC trailer?), wounds taking too long to heal...Are you trying to humanize them by giving them more flaws?

Why does Gaia have commercial airlines and Internet? As a far as I've seen, they use copters, boats, trains, /maybe/ an airship. But a commercial plane with magazines and in-flight movies? Also, I know Shinra's got a network, but they wouldn't call it 'Internet'. Maybe 'Shinra Network', or 'InfoNet', but what are the odds they would use the same term as us? These things are unconcious breaches of the fourth wall. Not as bad as 'Choco Nuggets' or Cloud listening to 'My Chemical Romance', but jarring nonetheless. It would feel more authentic to come up with your own ideas. They don't live in our world, but sometimes it's easy to forget.

Any reason why Seph grew up in a lab? I mean, if he already /knows/ all about the experiments Hojo's done, why would he act the way he did at Nibelheim?

I really like friendship between Zack and Seph; it's so hard to find it written well without it turning into Yaoi. But, they sometimes seem /too/ close in your stories. It's like, Seph thinks frequently about how Zack is his only real friend, the only person he can trust, how he can't imagine losing him, etc. But then, why (unless you've altered it) didn't he even /try/ talking to Zack at Nibelheim? He's already told Zack about his past, and shown him his scars and his wing; why would this be any different? I know you said that Jenova suggested that Zack had betrayed him, but would Seph really trust a mysterious voice over his long-time friend?

And, is it just me, or do Zack and Seph go on an inordinate number of missions together? Considering there's not many who reach First Class, wouldn't they want to spread them around? I've yet to see you write either of them on a mission with someone else.

One more thing; each chapter has frequent shifts in point of view. This chapter alone switches from Seph, to Zack, to Seph, to Zack, and back to Seph again. Sometimes it reads like:

Sephiroth looked at Zack, concerned. "Are you alright?"

Zack smiled slightly."Yeah, I'm fine". Actually, he wasn't at all what you'd call 'alright', but right now he had no choice but to work through his pain.

Sephiroth chose to accept the reply, but decided to watch Zack more closly from now on.

Not only is it hard to keep track of, it wrecks the suspense and can even be redundant. IMO, it would be better to write the above either:

Sephiroth looked at Zack, concerned. "Are you alright?"

Zack smiled slightly."Yeah, I'm fine".

Sephiroth chose to accept the reply, but decided to watch Zack more closly from now on.

Or, from Zack's POV:

Sephiroth looked at Zack, concerned. "Are you alright?"

Zack smiled slightly."Yeah, I'm fine". Actually, he wasn't at all what you'd call 'alright', but right now he had no choice but to work through his pain.

Sephiroth nodded and continued on, but Zack knew that other would continue to worry until they got Zack somewhere safe.

I'm not trying to be a bitch, really! Just, some of these things have been nagging at me, and it's distracting. This story is a great first draft; but it seems unfinished. I know you're a great writer, so I want to see that expressed in all your work.

I loved the conversation they had in the snow. Sephiroth and his existentialism, LOL. ...You know I totally thought the wing scene was in a different fic. XD I guess that's 'cause you had it as a standalone blurb in your LJ once, right? And I'm like stupidly tired so. XP

Yay, I'm really excited for the big showdown coming up!

Kazaam chapter 7 . 8/3/2007

Yay! Another chapter. :)

I really liked this one a lot...I enjoyed the interaction between Seph and Zack, and I'm glad they pulled through alright!

Aw, not the chocobo. ;_; I like her; she kicked serious ass. So, yeah, how much did I LOVE the high-speed chocobo chase scene? :D I loved all the cracks they made, especially the hair jokes. I have inhaled my own hair before, back when it was long, and let me tell you it is NOT fun.

The Rakeshes are just like this one bad guy on Lost; they can't seem to stay dead! XD Will Azazel stay dead this time? ... I hope so. .

I'm worried about how they're going to sort everything out! I mean with Shinra... (that article totally sounds like it was written by Rita Skeeter from Harry Potter XD) and then of course with Maryn and Trista. _