Thursday, September 1, 2011

And Now For Something Absolutely Disgusting: Pinna Melanoma

And you're probably thinking, of course this will not be about anything disgusting this is just a hook and will probably be just about some self-indulgent crap like Wonder Woman's disgusting story line Odyssey or Superman's disgusting story line Grounded. Again. Wrong. This is about something absolutely disgusting, pus-level disgusting at that! Oh yeah!

Because I woke up one morning with my left earlobe swelling like crap. Maybe something bit it, but I kept on toying with it until the swelling swelled even further until it grew as large as my head. It was Jamielyn who noticed it first who theorized it was a disgusting ear zit. "Uminom ka ng antibiotics," she admonished. "Dahil hindi mo ako pwedeng iwan sa audit next week dahil dyan." Point!

But if it were a zit it probably wasn't just one zit, but ten coalescent zits. Smoketh theorized that it was probably a roach bite infected by hospital pseudomonas. Probably, except I knew for a fact what it absolutely really was: melanoma. Just because I've just had a melanoma patient doesn't make it not a melanoma, I wasn't just being biased, it looked absolutely like melanoma. Hence, in true IM PGH fashion this was the final diagnosis: Melanoma vs Arthropod Bite r/o Zit with Superimposed Bacterial Infection Acute on Top of Chronic.

The stares of disgust I could handle, as long as they were outright stares. Except, as I was talking to a fellow or a resident in another hospital they would talk with nods and crap as if nothing was the matter, but I would catch them taking the furtivest glance at my pinna melanoma! If you have something to say, say it to my face my irrational frenzied self thought, but really, if you have something to say say it to my face! Like Smoketh did: STOP TOUCHING YOUR PINNA MELANOMA! Or Frichmond did: KADIRI NA ANG TENGA MO! Or Sir J.O. said, WHAT HAPPENED TA YER EAR?!? See, sometimes we don't know what we want, because I'm sure if the furtive people started talking about it to my face, I would defensively retort, WELL YOU DON'T LOOK SO PERFECT YOURSELF!!!!

Pant. A few days ago I've incised the damn thing myself and out poured/spurted/egressed gallons and gallons of pus. I cried in absolute pain as the gallons and gallons of pus crept down the side of my neck and into my shirt and down to the floor. Now that's purulent shit.