Ha! Jokes

56 Great Pickup Lines

Kiss me if I am wrong, but isn't your name (take a guess)...Janice????

You look like my second wife, and I've only been married once.

My boys over there bet that I wouldn't be able to start a conversation with the most beautiful girl in the room. Want to buy some drinks with their money?

Your place or mine? Tell you what? I'll flip a coin. Head at my place, tail at yours.

Hi, can I buy you several drinks?

Inheriting 80 million bucks doesn't mean much when you have a weak heart!

You might as well come home with me because I'm going to tell everyone you did anyway.

Excuse me, I think you have something in your eye. Oh never mind, it's just a sparkle.

Get your coat, you've pulled.

I can sense that you're a terrific lover, and it intimidates me a little.

Okay, so I came over here to ask you to dance, but I'm kind of concerned. I mean, we could hit it off really well, end up having a few drinks, next thing you know you're giving me your number because I'm too shy to ask for it, I finally get up the nerve to call and we take in a movie, have some dinner, I relax, you relax, we go out a few more times, get to know each other's friends, spend a lot of time together, then finally get past this sexual tension and really develop this intense sex life that is truly incredible, decide our relationship is solid and stable, so we move in together for a while, then a few months later get married, I get a promotion, you get a promotion, we buy a bigger house. You really want kids, but I really want freedom, but we have a kid anyway, only to find that I am resentful, the sparks start to fade and to rekindle them we have two more lovely kids, but now I work too much to keep up with the bills, have no time for you, you're stressed and stop taking really good care of yourself, so to get past our slow sex life and my declining self-confidence I turn to an outside affair for sexual gratification. You find out because I'm careless and a lousy liar, you throw me out (justifiably so) and we have to explain to the kids why mommy and daddy are splitting up. That's just too sad. Think about the children. For God's sake, if you dance with me and we hit it off, let's just keep it sexual, because we both know where it's going.

I'm not actually this tall. I'm sitting on my wallet.

Did you see the fight outside a little while ago? These two girls were fighting over a short guy named [your name].

If I were to ask you for sex, would your answer be the same as the answer to this question?

If you were an article on Digg, I'd digg you up

I bet you $20 you're gonna turn me down.

How much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to break the ice. My name is _________.

Excuse me. My friend over there is a little embarrassed. He'd like your phone number. He wants to know where he can get a hold of me in the morning.

(Give the person a pint of beer) Drink this, then call me when you're ready.

I'd like to name a multiple orgasm after you.

There is something wrong with my phone. Could you call it for me to see if it rings?

I was blinded by your beauty so I'm going to need your name and number for insurance reasons.

Are your legs tired, because you've been running through my mind all day long.

If you were the new burger at McDonalds you would be the McGorgeous!

Are you an interior decorator? When I saw you the room became beautiful.

Is that top felt? [No] Would you like it to be?

I hope you know CPR, because you take my breath away.

Girl, you better have a license, cuz you are driving me crazy!

Do you have the time? (she gives you the time) No, the time to write my number down .

Apart from being sexy, what do you do for a living?

Is your last name Gillete cause your the best a man can get.

Are you a parking ticket? (What?) You got fine written all over you.

Do you have a sunburn, or are you always this hot?

If this bar is a meat market, you must be the prime rib.

I know I'm not a grocery item but I can tell when you're checking me out.

Do you mind if I hang out here until its safe back where I farted.

Life without you would be like a broken pencil...pointless.

Your body is a wonderland and I want to be Alice.

I'm like chocolate pudding, I look like crap but I'm as sweet as can be.

Can I have directions? ["To where?"] To your heart.

Are you as beautiful on the inside as you are on the outside?

You know what? Your eyes are the same color as my Porsche.

Are you an alien?, because you just abducted my heart.

What has 142 teeth and holds back the incredible hulk? My zipper.

I can tell your future, it is you giving me your number.

Hi, I'm Mr. Right. Someone said you were looking for me.

If looks could kill you would be a weapon of mass destruction.

You say "I bet you $20 I can kiss you without using my lips." She says, "Bet's on." You kiss her then say, "I lost."

The night is young, the moon is bright, and you are here with me tonight.