The weirdest meats you’ll ever put in your mouth

Because chicken is for wimps

How much booze would it take you to try one of these cringe-worthy delicacies?

1/5

1. Guinea pigs in Peru

The next time you’re hiking in the Andes and feel those high altitude hunger pangs, beware. You’re not likely to find a burger joint around. What you are likely to find, in abundance, is cuy, and roasting meat on a spit over an open fire is a manly thing to do. Just try not to think of the cuy by what the creature is called in English: guinea pig. Not so manly chewing on your little sister’s favourite furry pet now, is it?

2. Ant eggs in Thailand

You’ve witnessed Bangkok’s plethora of grasshoppers on sticks, you may have even sampled some of Chiang Mai’s finest, juiciest street-side larvae, but you’re not a real player until you pull into a rest-stop in Mae Hong Son and order up a heaping plate of sticky rice and a big old mound of ant eggs. Are ant eggs technically meat? Debatable. But we’re of the mind that eating so many almost-beings at a time pretty much means you can do whatever you want.

3. Cobra burgers in Indonesia

We know we know, picking on the rural palates of underdeveloped nations is passé. But please know that when we talk about cobra burgers in Indonesia, we’re not talking about some animistic tradition, we’re talking about a gourmet dish. First you skin ‘em, then you chop ‘em, then you fry ‘em. If it turns out you really like consuming cobra bits, round out your meal with a cobra blood cocktail. You’re a boss, now.

4. Whale sperm in Japan

There are still a few old-school fish resturants around Tokyo where, on any given week night, at least one of the salarymen slouched over his feeding bowl will be slurping whale spunk. If you’ve got the oysters to try this out, consider that there are no spoons or forks in these places, you’ll have to chopstick the great sea mammal’s baby batter into your mouth. But take comfort hashi rookies, the texture is surprisingly viscous.

5. Prairie oysters in Canada

Balls. Big burly bullock bollocks. Out West, when Alberta cowboys castrate a member of their herd, they think frying up them nuts and eating them is the gentlemanly thing to do. Depending on the preparation, you wouldn’t know a prairie oyster from calamari. But when served in bigger chunks, complete the rocky mountain high with some Red Racer beer, a brew so hoppy it’ll make little bovine babies in your mouth as soon as it makes contact with those clipped ‘nads. (Prairie Oyster is also the name of a terrible, terrible Canadian country band. Stick to eating testicles.)