Before expulsion, your abdominal area feels like an obese Green Bay football fan is standing on your stomach with all his weight.

Pushing it out requires an extreme effort, and some people actually die trying. Once out, however, the victim feels better. The area then becomes instantly contaminated with a nauseating rotten garbage smell.

Gordon was getting ready to go out. He swilled a bottle of cough syrup and some Old Crow whiskey, and gobbled up six Oxys. Then he ate three cheeseburger pizzas and two bottles of picked eggs.

His stomach was gurgling. He got up from the recliner, struggled and pushed, and eventually a gastric blast followed by complete bowel movement. That was a rap for the day. So much for the job interview, he thought.