The Good Divorce

This book by Dr. Constance Ahrons carries the subtitle keeping your family together when your marriage comes apart (HarperCollins e-books via NYPL.org). The entire focus of this book is on the topic of divorce and how it can be approached in a constructive manner. She outlines what divorce actually is, what is good about it, how it may be normal, going through the emotional process and creating a new type of family. She concludes discussing formalities in divorce and how to deal with a family that may expand post legal proceedings.

I have yet to see a text like this so I was happy to run across the words “good” and “divorce” together. It seems almost inevitable that we will face divorce at some point in our lives, whether it is our relationship or that of a friend. There are also so many negative approaches to getting separated and divorced that to find the research behind how to lessen the pain and learn the lesson is amazing. The most miserable people I know are married, unhappily, or 30 years separated but never divorced. It’s a costly venture, both emotionally and financially. It is not for the faint of heart because it is not a quick fix. All parties involved need to muster their maturity and compassion to face the reality of their new relationships.

A divorce is never simply between a couple. It may include kids, friends or other family members and their involvement could come in different forms. It is most important to know that if the primary couple in the divorce is not going to do the (good) work laid out for them, the people around them will share their suffering.

This book is comprehensible to all people and constructed in a way that the message of moving forward through separation can be positive and even beneficial. It does not forget to discuss the oppositional thoughts and actions that come with dealing with a divorce. This is for people who want amicability in their previously romantic relationship and a hope for a stronger family that can come out the other side.