News Archive: Max May 2006

As I mentioned, I’m not doing any publicity while I’m in England.
But I do intend to have a beer at
the Warrington Hotel
[Map]
at 2pm this Sunday the 28th. So if you’re in range, and you care, you
could come along.

I don’t really know how this will work, but I am imagining something like
this: you see a 6’2” guy with no hair speaking in an Australian accent,
wander over, and say, “Are you Max?” And I say, “Yes, yes I am. Who are you?”
And we take it from there. My only rule—and it’s a very strict one—is
that there shall be no mention
of the Ashes.

I won’t have any books to sell, but I’m happy to sign anything you
bring along. And I mean anything. Underwear, other people’s books, you
name it. I’m desperate for recognition.

By the way, I was originally thinking of inviting people to a pub in Bedford, but
realized I couldn’t live with the stain of that crime on my soul.

Update: Well that was great fun! Thanks to
those who turned up. I gotta say, it’s pretty damn cool to be able to
gather an instant mini-party of interesting people just by posting on
my blog.

I’m in England. Huh, when I say it like that, it’s as if I just breezed
halfway around the world during my lunch hour, instead of undergoing 30 hours of torture inside a
metal tube with an 8-month old baby and a planeload of people conspiring to
prevent her from sleeping.

Jen’s family live in England, and occasionally we fly over to visit them.
We usually stay for at least a month, and—since the purpose of the trip is
to spend time with them—visit absolutely no tourist attractions or
places of interest. We just hang out in Bedford.
For that reason, I have the general impression that all of England is a
barely habitable crap-hole full of people who look like they’re about to
stab you for your mobile phone, then use it to call their dealer.

Well, that’s not quite true; I have visited a few other places in England,
and with one exception (Milton Keynes, I’m looking at you) they have been
quite beautiful, or at least interestingly history-soaked. But Bedford
is neither. I am told that Bedford’s heyday was in the 1950s, when the
local brickworks was the town’s main employer, and you can tell this is
true because every single house is constructed in the exact same style
from the exact same red
brick. Other Bedford attractions include the River Ouse (pronounced
“ooze”), which is exactly as charming as it sounds and patrolled
by highly aggressive ducks, and… no, actually, that’s it.

Most English people I speak to are hazy on where, exactly, Bedford is.
The answer is you don’t care. I think you’re better off not knowing
how close you may be to Bedford. If, in your ignorance, you do happen
to stumble onto it, well, just hurry on before any of it gets on your
clothes.

I have no publicity plans while I’m in England; for some reason my British
publisher has always been reluctant to expose me to the public, like
a girlfriend embarrassed to introduce me to her parents. I know what
you’re thinking: at first I thought it was the hair, too. But no:
apparently you just don’t do bookstore events in this country unless you
are sufficiently famous. More sufficiently than me, I mean.
I’m not sure why, exactly. Maybe it’s considered bad manners.

The police just chased some guy down the street right outside my
window. I’m not kidding. Ah, Bedford.

For
the first time on this site, I’m about to plug a book that isn’t mine.
I know! I feel like I’m growing as a person. Here’s what happened:
I got sent this book pre-publication to see if I’d be interested in
providing a quote for the back of the book. Apparently the theory is that if
people see a quote by some author they’ve never heard of, they think,
“Hmm… someone that obscure must know what he’s talking about.”

I get sent quite a few books this way, which is good, because I don’t
have to pay for them, and bad, because I don’t get to choose them,
and they tend to suck. So I end up on the backs of very few books.
(If anyone has seen a book with “Meh, it kind of sucked. —Max
Barry, author of Company” on it, though, please let me know.)

Then I got sent a book that was so good I thought they must have confused
me with someone much more popular. Like maybe Jesus. This book rocked.
It was the funniest novel I’d ever read. It was so good that when I finished
reading it, I immediately read it again. And then a third time. It’s
currently my favorite novel.

The book is
Apathy
and Other Small Victories, by Paul Neilan. It’s out in the US
today. If you like my stuff, I seriously recommend that you get this. And if you don’t
mind Chuck Palahniuk, either, a gaping hole in your life that you never
knew existed is about to be filled. Go buy it. Now.

(Disclosure: I met Paul earlier this
year, after I’d read his book. But he didn’t promise any sexual favors
in exchange for me pumping up his book. Really, he wouldn’t be moved on that.)