Being A Nice Guy And A Good Guy Are Two Different Things

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“Why doesn’t anybody take me seriously? I’m smart, I’m funny, and I’m NICE. What else do people want? Can’t everyone see what a good person I am?”

Chances are, you know this motherfucker in one form or another. Your house probably even has one. He’s the guy who thinks letting Wilson drive home shitfaced will be “alright in the end” even though he’s put down a fifth and some change. His most recent experience with a female has involved a pretty steamy handshake because he’s too busy complimenting her hair to propose they go somewhere quiet. Even worse than that, he slows chapter down to a screeching halt by agreeing with everyone and making sure they know it. At his core, he’s a nice enough guy, but is he a good one? The answer is a resounding no.

For some batshit reason, people have this misconception that “nice” and “good” are synonymous terms. Some people are prone to blaming Hollywood or the media because A) when in doubt, blame the media and B) Hollywood heroes are usually loved by everyone in their films. They’re “the good guy” because they just keep acting nice until everything works out. The theory I’m higher on, however, is that people prefer a yes man to a person who’s willing to hit them with the hard right of reality. Some folks would rather crouch down in their little boxes and remain ignorant of their faults than lay down and take the long dick of enlightenment.

The right thing isn’t always popular. Ask Harry Truman. Nice people are more willing to let things run a bloody and unjust course than they are to draw a line in the sand. Good people put their dukes up and tell real villains to go to Hell. Being nice isn’t hard. Just sit there with a goofy smile and hand folks gift baskets. Being good is rarely popular, and it’s almost never easy.

If you’re at the negotiation table, let’s say to sign an up-and-coming rookie sensation, do you want the nice guy who’ll just give him the $76 million or the good guy who knows this kid could blow out a knee at any second? Sure, Mr. Sunshine will be making that guy’s life 76,000,000 times better, but he’ll also be shitting on the hopes of fans, coaches, and management. If the Rams had a saint in shark’s clothing on their side of the table there’s no way Sammy Sleeves would’ve been making that kind of cash as a rookie. I’ll take good and business-savvy over nice any day of the week. It’s not because I’m a sociopath, it’s because that’s how the world works. Maybe, if more people got that, we wouldn’t have had a dozen people getting stomped out in San Jose for their political beliefs this past week.

I hope, for your sakes, that your chapter has more good guys than nice ones. If it doesn’t, you’ll be in a lot of trouble when your whole house is putting their tails between their legs at the smallest allegation. Sure, that much good will lead to more yelling and the occasional drunken fight. It’s part of the experience. It also means that most other organizations will be talking shit about you until they show up to your next big party. Still, they’ll be the ones sitting at home with their dicks in their hands while you’re giving their little sisters the business. Remember, the passive shirk responsibility for the sake of their image. The good risk their image to uphold their responsibilities. Don’t be ashamed if you’re the nice guy, just realize it’s time you sack up and learn that it doesn’t make you the good one..

Karl Karlson is TFM's self-proclaimed cartoon expert and your best buddy. He resides in the mountains of NC where he wrestles black bears and attempts to grow a beard. Karl gave up liquor following an unfortunate incident involving tequila and a vacuum cleaner, but he isn't above a nice stout on the porch.

There’s an entire fraternity of these goobers on my campus…they happen to be the only ones who don’t haze, their pledge brothers don’t even know each others names, and to make matters worse, they refer to themselves as “the gentlemen frat” and even self proclaim themselves as “the type of guys girls want to marry”. The apparent fratstar of their latest pledge class lived on my floor this past year, and I was the only one who knew he was a virgin.