Steven Seagal – Lawman… is a real show

I was stuck in one of those situations where my laziness prevented me from moving from the couch to grab the remote and change the channels, escaping the mind-numbing effects of the Crime Network on DSTV. Amazingly, the universe smiled upon me and gifted my extreme leisure with a show called Steven Seagal – Lawman.

At first I thought that this was a show about some nobody, fighting crime who shared the name of a famous actor. I was wrong. This show actually stars the aikido trained, bone-breaking badass Steven Seagal, while he is being a cop and keeping the streets safe from baddies. Bizarrely, Steven Segal has been allowed to become a gun carrying law enforcement official. Ah America… Land of the Free.

It’s mad. In the 3 episodes that I watched back to back, Steven Seagal managed to spot some dude being suspicious down an alley, chase down a drunk driver and get a perfect score in his gun assessment, shooting every dummy in the middle of it’s head. Chopped between all of this crazy action are educational montages that involve Steven Segal chopping bamboo poles with Samurai blades and choking other officers out to DEMONSTRATE his superior technique and how he is generally superior to normal cops in every way.

I mean, I can understand that people might be relatively afraid of Steven Seagal given that he’s famous for breaking peoples’ bones and shit but I really still don’t get how acting in all these action flicks has made him so intense. The dude literally shoots the tops of earbuds off (he did this in an episode).

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