For several days after the vet gently stopped my 20-year-old cat Hedda’s heart, I couldn’t get past the feeling that Hedda didn’t want to die, or at least, she wanted it to happen in her own time, naturally.

I had been one of those people who was adamant that I would not choose euthanasia unless I believed Hedda felt death would be preferable. I didn’t believe her life was mine to end. Nobody would likely look at a photo of Hedda, compared to her prime, and say it was too soon. But all I cared about was whether she felt it was too soon. I felt like I betrayed her trust.

I’ve heard people say that, in this situation, we choose the path that will give us the least cause for regret. With euthanasia, no regret is usually not an option. Except for those instances where an animal is in acute distress and nothing can be done, the timing for euthanasia is rarely clear-cut. It’s also largely influenced by our personal beliefs, and our resources.

No regret is usually not an option. Except for those instances where an animal is in acute distress and nothing can be done, the timing for euthanasia is rarely clear-cut.

During our last 24 hours together, I vowed that if there were any negative karmic repercussions from my decision, that I bore them wholly (I also really, really hoped there weren’t).

Hedda

How Guilt Tries to Protect Us

Guilt is the mind’s resistance to what is, a futile attempt to change the past. In the context of euthanasia, guilt prevents us from feeling the full pain of having to say goodbye to a being we love. In a roundabout way, our mind tries to protect our heart by creating thoughts of guilt: “I should have…” “I shouldn’t have…” “I gave up too soon,” “I waited too long,” etc. Those thoughts—the mind’s incessant activity—keep painful emotions stuck in our bodies.

The thing is, guilt doesn’t change anything. It simply makes us feel miserable. And guilt compounds the grief, because as long as the mind is whirring, the heart can’t process its pain.

After Hedda’s death, I wanted to know that she forgave me. Because that wasn’t an option, I was the one who had to forgive myself.

I wanted to know that she forgave me. Because that wasn’t an option, I was the one who had to forgive myself.

Guilt and Inquiry

In the midst of all my inner turmoil, I came back to what I’d been practicing for several years. Guilt is simply a thought—the thought that I should have done something differently. So I decided to examine that thought.

The following is loosely based on The Work by Byron Katie, combined with questions a good therapist would’ve asked me. For each of us, the answers may vary. My answers don’t indicate what your answers “should” be—they’re what came up for me. The questions, though, can give you insight into how your thoughts of guilt may be trying to protect you.

Is it true that I should have done something differently? I don’t know. Let’s say “yes,” just for the purposes of this exercise. Let’s say I believe I absolutely should not have deliberately facilitated Hedda’s death.

Can I be absolutely certain that that thought is true? No, of course not.

Can I see a way the opposite statement might be equally or more true (i.e., that I absolutely should have ended her life)? Well, yes, but then there’s a story behind that, which is that if that was true, then maybe she had been suffering for a while, so I still wasn’t off the hook.

What if this was absolutely the perfect timing, and I didn’t do anything wrong. Could I see that as a true statement? Yes. [Huge energy shift here]

If I didn’t use up energy believing this thought, what would I have to feel? Pain, loss, grief, emptiness. It’s much easier to distract myself with thoughts.

If I didn’t believe the thought “I shouldn’t have had her euthanized,” what would I feel? Relaxed, calm, expansive. Appreciative of her love and our time together.

This series of questions helped to release me from the shackles of guilt. Not entirely, but substantially. I came to see that “guilt” was just a way of distracting myself from feeling the pain and sadness, the silence (SO MUCH silence), the ache in my chest. Guilt also prevented me from appreciating the mystery of life, of love, and of death.

I don’t mean to sound like “and everything was sunshine forever more.” It wasn’t. I still missed Hedda’s physical presence—even more than when I’d been distracting myself with guilt thoughts. Yet once I was able to feel the waves of grief directly, unencumbered by guilt, I found that each wave dissipated more quickly.

Hedda

Finding Self-forgiveness

Letting go of guilt doesn’t mean the love is gone, or we miss our cat any less. It simply frees us to experience what we’re feeling in the moment instead of trying to change the past.

There’s a popular quote, attributed to multiple people, from Lily Tomlin to Jack Kornfield, that says, “Forgiveness is giving up hope of a better past.” We all do the best we can, with the resources we have, in each moment. A friend of mine, when thinking about the euthanasia of her cats, turns to another quote, from Jeff Foster, “Simply let go of the illusion that it could have been any different.”

If you can’t stop the torrent of thoughts, that’s okay, too. Try to show yourself the same compassion you’ve shown your cats. Grief (and guilt) are painful enough without adding an extra layer of feeling bad about feeling bad.

If grief or feelings of guilt are interfering with your day-to-day life, it’s okay to seek professional help. There are growing numbers of pet loss support groups, both in person and online, as well as one-on-one counseling options. You are not alone.

Sarah Chauncey is the author of P.S. I Love You More Than Tuna, an upcoming gift book for adults grieving their cat. She runs @morethantuna on Instagram and Facebook, “a celebration of nine lives,” and she started #tunatributes, a support community for people grieving their cat. She lives on Vancouver Island.

49 Comments on Dealing with Feelings of Guilt After Euthanasia

Elinor

March 1, 2020 at 6:25 pm (3 months ago)

This is such a helpful site. I had my part-Norwegian Forest cat Maisie put to sleep a few days ago, and I am not so ravaged about guilt over that decision, as from the feeling that I could have prevented her getting to that point, at least this soon.

She has had hyperthyroidism for four years, and I have been medicating her for that time with various medications, three times a day. I was living with my partner when she first got sick, and he helped me when he wasn’t at work, but because I was retired I got the lion’a share of the work. We also had to syringe feed her for a while as she stopped eating, lost a lot of weight, and one vet told us we were looking at euthanasia back in 2016. But I did some research and suggested syringe feeding to the vet, and with commitment from me and my partner we got her to come good and put on weight. So that was wonderful.

After that, I got into the routine of medicating her and I just got used to it. I explored the possibility of radioactive iodine treatment, and took her to a specialist vet about it, as this would have completely cured the hyperthyroidism. Unfortunately he said her condition was complicated by some sort of chronic gut condition: either lymphoma or inflammatory bowel disease, and that the treatment would be too risky as the cat has to be isolated for several days. I look back on that and feel guilty as I think maybe I should have tried again for another opinion later when she was more stable.

Anyway my partner and I separated in 2017 and I had to look after her myself after that. But I got into the routine of medication, regular vet checkups, and interventions for various flare ups along the way.

Then she started getting lots of problems with her bowel movements, and became severely constipated. She had an enema a couple of times, and the vets suggested a laxative. So I started giving her that in the morning, but she was eating erratically and only small amounts, so often she didn’t get a sufficient dose. She was also staring to get poo on her fur, and dags on her bottom, due to incomplete defecation. I tried to clean her up as best I could, but she’d get very cranky when I touched that area, which was so unlike her normal placidness. She had always been such a loving cat who loved being handled.
Anyway, I learned along the way about things like washing your cat’s bottom, and did this in the laundry sink. She hated it, but at least I felt it was something I could do to help her

Then I was told to give her paraffin oil in a small quantity of her food. So I tried that, and the first time I did it she did eat it. And this is where the guilt starts. It did lead to a bowel movement and she got messy round her tail and bottom. I wiped it off as best I could when I saw it, but I thought “I’ll wash her later when I’ve got time.”

Well two days later she got flystrike in her bottom and the maggots dug so deep into her she had to be put down. Because I’d let her go outside, which she loved doing, the flies had got to her, and I never knew this would be a risk. I’ve only found it out now by googling and I just hate myself that I didn’t wash her bottom sooner (I did it on her last day, which is how I found them), and do more research to know about this risk. The vet was very kind, and told me the flystrike developed so quickly because she was so weak and immune compromised. Her bottom had been sore and inflamed for some time, despite frequent vet visits and my attempts to manage her constipation and clean her up.

Another thing I blame myself about is that I noticed her drinking water more and more, to the point of obsessiveness, and in hindsight I feel I should have put her on a strict renal diet, but I didn’t. The vet tested her kidneys and said they were declining, but not end stage or anything like that, and they didn’t suggest a renal diet at that point. Whereas my other cat is on it (mainly – I’m going to be more strict about it from now on). But the cattery lady I talked to said the drinking was a sign she should be on that diet, and that it solves the kidney problems.

I think that if I’d done that, she wouldn’t have been so dehydrated and perhaps not got so constipated. So, more guilt there.

To be honest I was really struggling to cope with the situation as my health is not great due to chronic fatigue syndrome. But I did my best and spent a fortune on vet visits, blood tests, etc. I am retired and have enough money to cope with the cost, so I am luckier than most in that I had more time and reasonable finances. Early in the piece the cost did worry me, but then I just decided I would spend whatever was necessary to keep her going and have a reasonable quality of life. In the end though, the vet said an operation on the wound would be so extensive, and she might well not survive the op, that he advised against it. He said it was likely she would suffer a lot in the recovery process if she even got through the operation. And she might need more than one op.

So my guilt is that I feel I could have prevented the awful way she went. She was in a lot of pain from the maggots, and I so wish her end could have been more dignified. I know she would have likely died this year from one cause or another, but I thought it would be heart failure or a seizure. She has had seizures regularly over the years.

But I just miss her so damn much now she’s gone – far more than I expected – and I would give anything to have her back even just for a few more months or weeks. She was the best cat ever. Loving, beautiful, cuddly, intelligent, and a constant companion in my life. I have one cat left now, and he is lovely, but he is not her.

I long to find some peace over this, and end this emotional pain which torments me.

Meg

February 16, 2020 at 6:51 pm (4 months ago)

I chose to put my girl to sleep almost a week ago and I’m gutted with guilt, sadness, and even some anger.
She was almost 8 and had been diagnosed with diabetes last summer. She was doing well with a diet change and meds. In November she had a severe bout of dka and was hospitalized for a week and they weren’t sure she would pull through. It was expensive but she was saved. We vowed that if it happened again we couldn’t put her through it again. Around New Years we noticed she was thinner. I took her to the vet and her bloodwork showed elevated liver Vet recommended additional testing but we opted to go with a more conservative plan of adding some meds for ibs or possible lymphoma (I wasn’t about to put her through surgery to do a biopsy). She lost another pound in the next week and a half. She had a hearty appetite but was always hungry…. always. Her body wasn’t processing any of the food she ate. She was wasting away. Sunday morning she ate but by Sunday afternoon she was visibly in pain. She wouldn’t eat. I gave her an appetite stimulant and some chicken. She later threw it up. She vomited the next morning after she drank water. I took her right to the vet when they opened. Again the option was to do more testing but by then her temp was down, she had lost over 1/3 of her regular body weight and we had no guarantee that we’d get her well. We decided to end her life. But could I have done more? Should I have done more? This was my girl and I let her down. Is being dead better than going through the treatments? I can’t wrap my head around it

I’m so sorry about your girl, Meg. Based on what you’re describing, it sounds to me like you made the right decision to let her go. Unfortunately, second guessing yourself is part of the grieving process, and it doesn’t matter what anyone else tells you. I hope in time, you can find peace with your decision. My heart goes out to you.

Ana

March 3, 2020 at 4:22 pm (3 months ago)

Meg! First of all thank you for sharing your story. About 6 weeks ago I had to make the same decision you did. Naomi my beautiful 13yo chihuahua had what me and my husband thought was a severe case of DKA, we took her to vet and the vet said her body was no longer absorbing any nutrients from the food she ate. She had also lost a huge amount of weight. He said she probably wouldn’t survive but we could try steroids for a week, however we would run the risk of her probably not progressing during the week and us having to watch her go through a slow painful death. At the time I was 8mo pregnant Idk if being pregnant leads you to make “ irregular” decisions. We chose to put her to sleep. I still remember her laying on the exam table kissing my face as I cried. As if she was saying her final goodbye. The day after was the worst I felt like my heart had been pulled out of chest and beat to a bloody pulp. I kept thinking what the f&&&’ did I do? She trusted me and I killed her?! The guilt was intense. I still feel guilt today. Maybe I gave up too soon? Maybe I didn’t do enough? What if we would have tried to treat her? We had gone through so much together. I miss her so much. I think about her every day. All I wish for now is that my daughter who will born any day now carries some of Naomi’s spirit in her.

Agela Abdullah

February 3, 2020 at 1:18 am (4 months ago)

I had to say goodbye to my little Gnocchi today. It crushed me. The vet was so kind, and I was with my boy the whole time. Every time I close my eyes I see him laying on the table completely trusting and loving me. I miss him so much and have do many feeling competing for attention. I just keep looking at photos. My poor little potato. I miss him so much.

Minh

November 25, 2019 at 12:19 am (7 months ago)

The anguish of losing a pet companion that provided unconditional love is like no other. I have personally experienced home euthanasia for three beloved cats in the past four years. I wanted to share some valuable lessons so that others can learn from it.

1) Please do not wait until your cat stops eating. I previously used that as my marker, but I have since changed that. My mom’s cat stopped eating in the morning and we called the vet for home euthanasia later that evening. Unfortunately he vomited a few hours later what looked like black coffee beans, however I later learned that he had internal bleeding and vomited it out. The vet said he was hours from passing away even without intervention. The vet had a hard time getting a vein for the sedation as my mom’s cat was so weak and was suffering. All of us humans have had physical injury, but we continued to eat. So it is when a cat is in EXTREME pain that they will stop eating. You do not want to wait until it gets to that point. You want your cat’s last days is to still be able to eat his favorite kitty treats.

2) If you are using a vet that you never used before for home euthanasia, make sure you ask them what sedation they are using in advance of scheduling. And then check with your primary vet that you trust. I had a home mobile vet use Dexdomitor. That particular vet said that my cat will likely vomit before being sedated…..and she did vomit horribly is her last waking minutes. I later asked my primary vet about Dexdomitor and she questioned why that other vet used it because it is rarely used for sedation for euthanasia. Vets commonly use Telazol and Propofol, which does NOT cause vomiting. No one should ever experience their cat with induced vomiting, when other sedations do not cause that.

3) Make it very clear to the vet that you want to handle and how you want to situate your cat BEFORE the sedation injected. My cat was walking near the vet on the floor and the home euthanasia vet scruffed my cat by the neck forcefully and raised her where her front legs were not touching the ground. My cat screamed out loud for fear. The vet then proceeded to inject the sedation while my cat was screaming. This vet never allowed me the option to carry my cat onto the bed and situate her. My cat was never aggressive and was terminally ill. The forceful scruffing and raising her upper body in the air was painful to witness. What should have happened and has happened with my previous cats was the vet would gently raise the skin of the nape and inject the sedation while the cat is laid down and held by the owner. Always set clear expectations on how you want to situate your cat with the vet in the very beginning. (I have since complained to the owner of the vet firm).

I rarely comment on online forums, but felt compelled to share my experience and lessons learned so that others would be spared the pain that could have been avoided. I realize that there will never be a perfect scenario when your beloved cat is euthanized. I would want my last days to be where I am happy and being able to eat my favorite dessert. Not vomiting or in intense pain. Although an immensely painful decision, we pet parents have the ability to prevent unnecessary suffering for our cats. Throughout my cats life, I always kept them from harms way and we all should do the same toward the end of their life. Thank you.

This is great advice, Minh. I am absolutely horrified by what happened during your cat’s euthanasia – I’m so sorry you had to go through that. Not only did that vet use an unacceptable drug protocol, but the lack of caring and compassion is compoletely unforgiveable.

Lena

November 12, 2019 at 1:42 pm (7 months ago)

Someone please help me. I feel terrible. I rescued this feral cat a few months ago, and she always went potty inside and was terrified of me: then randomly she started loving me but it was because she couldn’t walk anymore. Her blood work seemed fine but we could tell there was an issue neurologically. I gave her a week and she could finally walk again. But she wouldn’t stop meowing at every second and she wasn’t sleeping and couldn’t differentiate food vs other random things. She finally loved me and I showed her love. And I feel like I betrayed her by euthanizing her. But she was confused all the time and even though she regained ability to walk she seemed like she was starting to lose vision. I regret euthanizing her though. I would take it back if I could. I hated that she pooped and peer everywhere but now I wish she was here to do that.my house is so quiet without her meows. I just want to pick her up and love her but I euthanized her

Bob Varden

November 12, 2019 at 8:30 pm (7 months ago)

Lena, you should feel good that you gave the kitty a happy home away from the street, or wherever you found her. A 20-yr-old cat has reached and used up all of their “9 lives”. You did her a favor, even if you can’t see it yet. Guilt you should not feel, but it’s natural when we fall in love with our pets.

Bob Varden

November 8, 2019 at 7:23 pm (7 months ago)

Woofis was of unknown age, but likely around 10 or more.,.,a rescue cat who appeared in an area where I feed & care for a few homeless cats, 6 yrs ago. She had been exhibiting symptoms like defecating & urinating outside her litter box. The vet gave her hydration, a shot of Convenia, did some blood work and said it was urinary infection. A day later she stopped eating and vomited up some blood. The on-call vet vet (Sunday) said to take her to the emergency hospital, which I did. The emergency hospital did some tests, gave her more antibiotics, ultrasound, and said she was “very sick”, had small “deformed” kidneys, and needed an extensive course of more antibiotics over several days. The initial charge was $1,684. Upon hearing about the deformed small kidneys and how sick she was, I felt that more treatment would be both counter productive and even more expensive. I decided upon euthanasia and carried through with this decision, holding Woofis while she died. Do I feel that I made the “right” decision? Not really. I wonder if she would have recovered had I been more patient and gone that extra mile of treatment (and expense). I adored this kitty. Only cat I ever had who slept with me and sat on my lap while I ate. I was truly “her person”, and she loved me too. Yes, I feel both sorrow and guilt.

Denise North

November 9, 2019 at 12:33 pm (7 months ago)

Bob,
I’m sorry to hear about your loss. It’s a terrible decision to make but realize it’s the most compassionate thing you could have done. I spent a few thousand dollars praying for remission unfortunately it never worked. I watched my beautiful boy struggling and realized he was never going to get well and couldn’t bear to see him suffer any longer. I recieved a Beautiful card from the vets yesterday and the entire staff wrote personal and heartfelt notes which brought back memories and tears. Please know you did thing right thing regardless of how we feel you stopped the pain. I wish they could tell us how they feel but we must watch and observe the signs. I may never have another kitty again because it hurt too much but this site is very helpful to be able to share our thoughts and support.

Bob Varden

November 12, 2019 at 8:43 pm (7 months ago)

Thanks, Denise. I have had to put down 2 other cats in the past, but Woofis’s death has put me into a tailspin depression..possibly because she was an “only” cat and the others lived alongside at least one other cat at the time. I am starting to conclude that my grief is mostly about feeling sorrow for me, and not for Woofis. Home is mighty lonely as there is no one there. Still, I am guessing that this scenario is universal for folks whose pet die. Thank you.

Diana McCorkle

October 17, 2019 at 7:50 am (8 months ago)

My birman boy, Gus, was the sweetest blue eyed talking kitty ever. He was so mischievious his whole life. He had kidney disease, tumors and terrible arthritis and to make it all bad, he quit using the litter box totally. He still had a great appetite even on his last day. He was crying out more and more toward the last day. He needed bottom baths daily because he didn’t clean back there at all cause of arthritis. He let me wash him daily without a problem cause he seemed to sense it was the only way to survive. He started getting diarrhea and it became hard to clean the carpets for two days. He smelled bad even after getting daily baths. The whole house started getting really stinky. I had to keep shampooing the rugs. I was even going to get vinyl plank tiling throughout the whole condo for him. He got to the point where he couldn’t empty his bladder fully without me helping him. I had a wedding that I had to be away for two days. I didn’t want to leave him alone with a cat sitter that can’t take care of him like I did. I decided to take him to the vet to see if he had an infection that could be treated like UTI or something. When I went the vet said there was no infection and it would be best to euthanize knowing I was going to have to be away. So I cried myself crazy silly and let it happen. Now I am torturing myself thinking I cheated him out of a little of his life and he was so terrified that day. I makes me sick and now it’s too late. It is over. His girl birman, Abbie, who is remaining is his age and is so heartsick. I feel guilty at what she must think that I have done too. I wish I could bring him home but know it will never happen. Just no solitude!

Alena

August 19, 2019 at 2:01 pm (10 months ago)

Thank you for this post. It is helping me grieve more properly and helping me know I am not alone. Hugs to all those who have love and lost their pets. I am confused why we as a society do all the things we do with animals. But at this point it’s like I’m doing the best with what I know. I don’t ever want to have another cat again…but here I am with one, having euthanized two of them. I’m heartbroken but also I’ve lived a life with so much love in it. So much love that I can get, and receive back 10-fold. I feel like animals are instant forgivers. I hope everyday that my cat can forgive me, the guilt is overwhelming. I pray she is in Heaven. I am starting to see some memories come back, which were overshadowed by my own guilt. I hope I get to see her again and that my own experience in Heaven is full of her meowing. As much as I hated it and have been relieved these past few days for “some quiet”, I still hear phantom meows. I miss her dearly and I loved her more than I even knew I did.

Kenzie

August 15, 2019 at 8:53 pm (10 months ago)

Thank you so much for writing this. For my sweet Rain it didn’t feel clear cut at all. The vets wanted to keep running tests but we had already spent thousands of dollars trying to figure out what was wrong and treat her. My partner and I don’t earn a lot of money and this was the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make in my entire life. We talked about it a lot beforehand and agreed it was best for us, and best for our kitty who hadn’t been eating, meowing, playing, or acting like her full self. We were scared if we kept going she would starve to death which just felt so inhumane. But the doubt remains, what if she got better? Even for a little while? But even knowing all that and knowing we couldn’t have afforded to go on without taking on additional debt makes me feel horrible. I hate that money EVER has to be a factor in treating kitties. I feel like we did the right thing for her but I still regret that we had to put her to sleep. I crave her forgiveness. Reading this made me feel like I’m not so alone. And it helped re-contextualize how much we love and miss her and that these are normal feelings to feel. It’s a tough decision to be in to decide when to end the life of a loved one. I think all I can do is recognize we did our best with the resources we had and honor Rain’s memory. I’m sorry about Hedda, I can tell from your photos she was a really wonderful kitty.

Laurie

November 13, 2019 at 8:53 pm (7 months ago)

Kenzie,
I’m so sorry about your experience. Mine mirrors your sad tale. I can/could not get a straight answer from my vet as to why our 12.5 year old stopped eating. It was very gradual. He is also on prednisolone. Fluids, blood work, appetite stimulant was tried. He was in worse shape this morning. Vet called this morning and wanted us to come back for more tests. He was all over the place of what could be wrong.No fever yesterday so I declined antibiotics. 4th day no eating and now no drinking. I have an appointment for in home euthanasia tomorrow. All he does is sleep and I may have to wake him up to put him to sleep. He may or may not have an intestinal tumor, infection, and/or other ailments. We just went through this with another cat a couple of months ago. The 3rd dx was stroke or brain tumor. Or maybe brain parasites. The visiting vet said it was likely a brain tumor when I described the symptoms. My regular vet was way off with treatments and now I don’t think I can rely on him. This is so hard!

Sara

December 31, 2019 at 11:06 am (5 months ago)

Laurie and Kenzie-
I just had this same scenario. Laurie, my 13 year old cat stopped eating. We tried the steroids and appetite stimulants and while they worked for about a week, my kitty regressed and stopped eating again. He went from 14lbs (avg healthy weight when he was feeling good) to 7lbs. So I took him in yesterday to say goodbye. Docs offered more testing but I feel like after 2 months of not really eating, moaning at times, peeing every where that he may have been suffering. I’m still heart broken thinking maybe I could have done more. With him we did do an ultrasound a couple months ago which showed issues with both kidney and liver – and likely cancer. I just felt like I couldn’t help him anymore and feel so sad. your stories make me feel better about my ultimate choice even though it was a terrible terrible thing to have to do.

Karen

August 1, 2019 at 3:06 pm (10 months ago)

I just had to put my beloved Siamese Bandit down. I absolutely know it was the right thing to do. I’ve waited too long for two previous cats and never wish to do that again. When the pet’s bad days outnumber the good ones and you look into their eyes and see pure misery, it is indeed time. Would that the same could be done for me if I’m ever in agony with no hope of a cure.

I did want to comment about something weird that happened at or around the time of passing. After administering the drugs, the vet listened for his heartbeat and told me he’d passed, then left the room. I put my face in front of my love, looked into his clouded eyes and said, “Do you see me? I love you!” I then laid my head along his body and heard a low purr. I lifted my head and put it back down and still heard it, very faint and for a very short time, but it was there. I believe he was acknowledging my love and giving me comfort the only way he knew how.

Alysia

May 30, 2019 at 11:13 am (1 year ago)

We had to put our 14 year old Denzel down 2 days ago…Over the last month he went from limping to dragging his back feet…Left eye closed and drooling everywhere, then unable to eat or drink over the last week. Even the pill we would shoot down his throat would sometimes still be there in the morning because he wouldn’t/could’t swallow… He lost 3lbs in 2 weeks and the big boy who was once almost 20lbs was under 10lbs.

We tried antibiotics, steroids, anti-nausea, hunger stimulants, pain meds and I don’t know what else…but I have this guilt of “what if we tried the fluid injection and nausea injection” would he have bounced back? Denzel looked a lot like Hedda. Beautiful. D was my wife’s cat first, I came into their lives and fell in love with the punk…. What’s most difficult is we have a 2 year old who doesn’t understand “where’s Buddy??” My heart is sad, I’m sure he probably had cancer but not knowing is eating away at me. We didn’t do the MRI…should we have? Would we be telling a different story? I don’t know…thank you for your post.

Elaine Harrington

May 31, 2019 at 7:49 am (1 year ago)

its never easy. Over the past 15 years we lost six cats. Five of them died within months of each other after having all of them for over 15 years together. My most recent was last August. Blue had bee a 20 pound Russian Blue. He became skeletal and wa s crying and peeing and just miserabel. For the first time ever I put him down instead of waiting. I have not forgiven myself. The only thing I can tell you is second guessing only adds to the pain. There is a greater plan and reason which I am trying to come to terms with. I look at their pictures, I have memorial plaques in the back yard and we remember only the good. Cherish what wonderful time you did have and then begin the healing process. Its cliche, but true. All of my sympathies for your family,

Zoe

May 11, 2019 at 6:06 am (1 year ago)

On 09/05/19 at 10.11 I had to make the hardest most heartbreaking decision for my 16 year old Edward pts.
Old age and disease had over ridden him. He was an amputee by 1 years old due to a car accident and back then the vet said it was the time. I refused to let him go, he exceeded all medical expectations as they shared his injures would decrease his lifespan. We had a friendship much greater than any human I know. Unconditionally .
I’m finding daily great comfort in this post as I nurture my aching heart .Thank-you .

Elaine Harrington

March 7, 2019 at 10:04 am (1 year ago)

I understand, I put my 18 year old Blue down August 7 th and still can’t get past the what ifs. All of my other animals died at home, but they did suffer at the end. I don’t think there is right answer, its just painful. You do what you think is right and in time its more memories, less pain. Blessings, Elaine

rafe

March 6, 2019 at 6:36 pm (1 year ago)

I had to have my cat put to sleep two days ago he was filled with cancer and couldn’t eat or drink I kept going to different vets and they were unanimous about PTS I realized their expertise . after syringe feeding him food and water for 3 weeks I felt I was doing more harm than good. I was there all the way through the process, I know his suffering has ended, but mine is just beginning , I had 15.5 great years with my Leo and miss him so much

Elaine

January 8, 2019 at 9:27 am (1 year ago)

I put my 18 year old cat down August 7th and I’m still miserable about it. I knew he was miserable, but I had always waited it out before. The horrible part was that I brought him to the Humane Society and there was nothing humane about the way they treated either of us. I wasn’t allowed to come in and say goodbye, I could hear him yelling and then thye returned my carrier with the whole zipper ripped!!!!!! I replay it over and over. Its the right thing but it still carries terrible guilt that we have to learn to forgive ourselves for.

Dustin

January 7, 2019 at 8:08 pm (1 year ago)

3 days ago I had my 22 year old calico, Roxy, euthanized. Her condition got so bad, so quickly. It felt like out of nowhere she’d lost several pounds, couldn’t walk, and was constantly in a daze. Ending her life was probably the right decision, but I also feel like I betrayed her, and I feel like I’ve lost a part of myself. She and I grew up together, I had since I was 6, I named her myself. I’m struggling daily with forgiving myself.

Gary Mitchell

December 8, 2018 at 9:59 pm (1 year ago)

I had to get the vet to put my beautiful Persian boy to sleep .He was sixteen and a half
years old having been with me all that time.Stopped eating was crying and became
very thin.Gave me huge amounts of attention before becoming inactive.To keep him
alive would be for my sake.Putting off euthanasia several times before deciding to end
his misery.It hurts terribly and the silence but his eyes told me what had to happen.

When my cat Em’s time had come, she did not want to go. She wanted to remain with me as long as she could, despite what cancer was doing to her body. I attempted to make the appointment several times and each time she told me very clearly she was not ready. In the end, I made that appointment without her consent. It was beyond time as her poor body was ravaged by the cancer, but I have always regretted that I ended our time together before she was ready. I do not regret the decision, I do not regret doing it, but I regret that it had to be that way. I wish she had been ready. I know what I spared her and am glad that she didn’t have to suffer additionally..

Amy

AKP

August 23, 2018 at 12:39 pm (2 years ago)

thank you….i still struggle with these feelings. my beloved kitty had lung cancer and it was getting harder to breathe. The vets warned me to do it sooner than later so that she wouldn’t be trying to rush her to the vet while she was suffocating (she said that’s how they die from lung cancer). I guess that thought scared me enough to do it…but i still postponed it 3x. She was still very vibrant in most ways so it was an excruciating choice…

Danielle

August 24, 2018 at 3:08 pm (2 years ago)

My year and a half baby had fib. He ended up only five pounds at the end.I felt my baby’s heart stop. I cried,screamed,was very sad. But, I knew it was the best thing. I knew it was the best thing I could do. Yes,it hurts like hell, he was a baby but in the end I did the best thing

Pat Wolesky

August 23, 2018 at 7:28 am (2 years ago)

I think guilt and second-guessing are extremely common, no matter what you choose. My beautiful Raleigh died naturally, and I felt guilt that I didn’t euthanize her, because the last couple weeks of her life were very hard on her and me. I think ultimately you make the best choice you can and learn to live with it.

Brian

I think guilt over something like this is very common and it is hard to move past. I am dealing with guilt for putting Pono down, even though I feel I did the best thing for him. I couldn’t let him suffer any more than he already was.

Denise North

October 27, 2019 at 6:25 pm (7 months ago)

I’m so glad to find this website I thought I was alone since so many people think cats are not real pets as compared to dogs.
When I explained to my coworker why I was crying he laughed at me. Something that has been stamped into my mind forever.
My poor Hobbs kitty was diagnosed with cancer only a month ago. I noticed he was losing weight so I moved up his full exam. When they gave me the news my heart sank. I’m recently recovering from breast cancer surgery so it’s a double whammy.
We decided to try treatment which involved weekly chemotherapy treatments. He responded well the first 2 weeks he got his appatite back and started gaining weight. Then the next 3 weeks his white cells were declining and could never survive treatment. I knew he was suffering but it was very difficult to tell. Despite what was going on inside him he looked great on the outside except for the last 2 days before I made the decision to send him to a peaceful place of no more pain. I can physically feel the guilt like its stuck in my heart.
I can’t ever forget how he looked the day I brought him in for his weekly treatment. He looked very sad and limp. So I knew he wasn’t responding to treatments. I was not with him because I just couldn’t see his sad face and now that just adds another layer of guilt. I’m grateful that I found this site to tell my story.

Elaine

August 22, 2018 at 8:02 am (2 years ago)

On August 7th I had my 18 year old adopted Russian Blue, named Blue euthanized. I had always let the animals pass on their own. He was skeletal and I finally felt it was the best thing, but the guilt and pain were overwhelming. We contacted a reliable Pet Medium, and Blue told he he wanted a memorial, which we had planned on anyway and told me not to be upset. I still cry, and i still feel miserable, but better when he told me he did not know how to get out of this skin. He didn’t know how to let go on his own. I hope this is some comfort to those going through this. Thank you for sharing a very difficult time. In memory of Blue

Joan

August 22, 2018 at 7:28 am (2 years ago)

We all grieve in different ways. Ending the life of my spitfire torbie Matilda brought relief and peace after many months of up and down suffering and huge vet bills. Ending the life of my Ozzie the good luck black cat was much harder. He was in pain, yes, and had used up more than his 9 lives in his 17 years but was not yet on death’s door. I still cry for all my furry babies in kitty heaven. Thank you for this article and I will look for the upcoming book as a future gift for friends who are now dealing with end of life issues.