Forgetfulone's Pages

Tuesday, June 28, 2016

So, I am the mother of 20-year-old twins now! I don't have teenagers anymore, and that just doesn't seem possible, but I couldn't be any prouder of them.

We didn't have a big celebration. Twenty is an odd age. At sixteen you can drive. Seventeen is no big deal, but you're about to have an awesome senior year of high school. At eighteen you can vote or serve in the armed forces or do other "not fun" grown-up things. Nineteen and twenty? Nothing special. It's not until you're 21 that something exciting happens! You all know what I'm talking about, don't you? You can finally rent a car! Hahahaha! What? It's true! What were you expecting me to say?

So...I was in Las Vegas a week or so ago. The Plexus people were having a convention, and many of them were staying in our hotel. I thought Plexus was supposed to help you be healthy and stay slim, but almost every person I saw, and there were many, was overweight and out of shape. I'm not judging them for this. We just thought it was ironic.

Another event that started the day we left (thank goodness) was edc week. edc (all lower case) stands for electric daisy carnival. On our last night there, many of the 135,000 party-goers began to arrive. Lots and lots of young people. There were events at different Vegas venues throughout the week and the main event was held at the raceway about 40 miles from Vegas. I met a very nice kid from California who explained what edc was. They call it a rave. It's also a carnival with rides and attractions, various stages for performers, and lots of dancing and electronic music. Sadly, they had 408 medical calls one night which included the death of a 24 year old man.

Look at that sea of people!

What I noticed most about these young people is that the harder they try to be different, nonconformists, the more they become comformists. Tight dresses, skirts that barely cover the butt, belly shirts, skinny jeans and chains on guys, gauges in their ears, purple (or blue or pink) hair, lots of tattoos, particularly the females with very large tattoos on their thighs. I wonder if the middle aged people during our youth found it difficult to understand our culture when we were in our 20's.

It can be a geographical place, an emotional or spiritual quest, or even a creative pursuit.

A journey. That sounds wonderful! The word journey evokes much different ideas for me than simply vacation. I feel like people who are on journeys are there to discover something, oftentimes about themselves.

There are dozens of websites out there to guide one through a spiritual journey. This interests me because I believe that people must continue to grow and evolve in their spiritual lives. There are attributes I would like to develop that will deepen my faith.

In the meantime, a journey I would like to take is to travel in Europe. I would love to see the places my daughter saw in her 4 months of studying abroad. She saw Big Ben, the Eiffel Tower, the real Mona Lisa, and so much more! Maybe when I retire. She visited 17 cities in 9 different countries, but the ones I would most like to visit include England, France, and Italy. My husband has promised me a trip, but it probably won't happen for a while yet. I believe it's a worthy goal!

Monday, June 27, 2016

June 26 - my kids turned 20! Yes, I said kids, plural. I was lucky to give birth to two children only 8 minutes apart, the old-fashioned way.

It wasn't so easy getting and staying pregnant for me. I had an ectopic pregnancy that was taken care of surgically and two miscarriages before I found the wonderful endocrinologist who discovered a tumor blocking a Fallopian tube and my body's inability to produce enough Progesterone to sustain a pregnancy.

With those issues solved, I had other issues during my pregnancy such as bleeding (for weeks), morning sickness, but not just in the mornings, and preeclampsia with the threat of seizures and kidney failure on the horizon.

I spent the first 6 weeks and the last 2 weeks on bed rest, the last 2 actually in the hospital. My twins were born 7 weeks early with a combined weight of 7 1/2 pounds, breathing on their own, tiny, but healthy!

They are the lights of my life! Time goes so fast! So, new moms and moms of younger kids, don't ever let an opportunity to spend time with your kids go by, say I love you every chance you get, and take lots of pictures! Happy birthday, my sweethearts!

Sunday, June 19, 2016

Ten and a half years ago, at the age of 69, my father passed away. He had not been ill. In fact, the morning of his last day was spent in voluntary first aid training. There were no warning signs. He died in an instant, and I wasn't there. My mother was home, but she had recently had knee surgery, so she couldn't get him off the floor. It wouldn't have helped anyway. For the next day or two, they kept his heart pumping, and his lungs functioning with machines, but there was no brain activity. I held his hand while they unplugged the machines.

I would give almost anything to have him back. My mother says I never really processed my grief, and she's probably right. It is too painful to actually experience. In my head, I accept it but in my heart, I'm still in denial. It just hurts too much. We had no idea 2003 would be his last Christmas.

If I spoke to him now, his first question would definitely be, "How are the babies?" That's what he called my twins, even when they weren't babies anymore. But they were only 8 when he died, and that makes me the saddest of all. They don't even remember much about him which breaks my heart. He was a wonderful grandfather. They had so much fun together! He and my son baked a cake together for the boy scout banquet (Hawaiin theme).

Thing weren't supposed to happen this way. His dad lived to age 98 and his mom was 88. He came from strong stock. According to the medical experts, it is possible for someone to survive his condition, Subarachnoid Hemorrhage.

"When a brain aneurysm ruptures, it causes bleeding into the compartment surrounding the brain, the subarachnoid space and is therefore also known as a subarachnoid hemorrhage (SAH)."

If caught early, it can often be treated. How would you catch it if your only symptom is a headache? And since it is often treatable, why did my father die from it? Is it because it took so long to get help? I don't have answers.

I miss him so much. He is still my hero.

I can still wish my husband a happy father's day, but I just can't celebrate. My children's dad and I are divorced, and my husband and I don't have kids together. It's a difficult day for me, just like his birthday and the day he died.

Monday, June 13, 2016

I have had the weirdest dreams lately. Two nights ago, I dreamed I was at my childhood home. My dad, mom, and grandmother were there. I sat by my dad, and we were having good conversation. Then I was talking to my mom, and I felt so relieved that we were talking to my dad, that they could see him, too, that he was alive. I asked, "So you can see him, too?" And she said she couldn't. It was all my imagination! I cried and cried. I think this dream stems from my inability to accept my father's death. I mean, I know he passed away over 10 years ago, but I never went through all of the stages of grief. I am still in denial in my heart. I made it through them in my head, but my heart just cannot accept it.

Content removed in light of recent events.

On a completely different note, I was drying my hair the other day and I bent over to dry underneath, and I glanced in the floor length mirror and was appalled! A woman of 50 should never look at herself upside down in a mirror. Things look hideous from that angle.

By the time you read this, I'll be on my one and only vacation this summer. Well, I think it's my only vacation. Who knows? But, I'm about to board a plane for Las Vegas. My husband is already there at a convention for work, so the hotel is covered. The flight was covered with "miles." That's my kind of vacation!

Today's Coffee Chat topic is interesting. Our hostess asks...What would you do differently, if you knew no one would judge you?

That's a tough one! I honestly have no regrets. Of course, I've made mistakes in my life, but I learned from them. They served a purpose. I am where I am supposed to be, doing what I'm supposed to be doing. Maybe I would have been more independent instead of trying to fit in. Maybe I would not have been so anxious to find love. Perhaps I would have kept my mouth shut when I didn't, or maybe I would have spoken up when I kept quiet. But really, I believe everything happens for a reason, so even if I could do something differently, I doubt that I would.

Tuesday, June 07, 2016

Hello everyone! My husband and I just celebrated our eleventh year of marriage (2nd for both of us).
He said he searched my blog for an hour looking for ideas for what gift to buy me. He said he realized that what I like most, based on my blog, is sleeping and my kids. Hahahaha! And he knows he is mentioned frequently as well. He was actually searching for this post in which I listed things I would love to receive for a Valentine's Day.

But, here's the compliment: He said he learned that I am not a materialistic person. It's humbling when someone recognizes and admires that. Thanks, honey!

In other news, my daughter took me, another daughter, and her friend to see our first wedding venue. She loved it! We reminded her, though, that you wouldn't try on only one dress. We need to see a few more. She also has homework: make a guest list so we can get a clear count, and select a specific date that will work either during or after her upcoming internship.

The venue is called Butler's Courtyard. I guess as venues go, it's affordable, but this wedding business is BIG business! I would love to own a venue and create beautiful weddings for couples, but I would want to give them truly affordable options. The wedding industry is a racket, at least at some places! All kinds of extra fees for this, that, and the other.

And on a totally different topic, I want to buy this Spray Perfect nail color. You spray it on, then wash away the extra from your fingers so it only stays on the nail. I wonder if it works?

Adventures? What's that? Just kidding! Summer has already started for me. I spent my first day off doing, well, not much of anything, which is exactly what I need right now. I've got to find living arrangements for my son when he moves away for college, and I'll help my daughter get moved in when she's ready to go. And maybe look at some wedding venues and dresses. I'm actually obsessed with wedding dresses. Isn't this gorgeous!?

Of course, I have plenty of projects to keep me busy such as cleaning out closets, organizing my photos and scrapbooking room, and some spring cleaning that is running a little bit late this year. I hope to get in a couple of days of scrabooking with my sister and a friend. My husband and I are going to Las Vegas in a couple of weeks.

I've got some gift cards to spend at the salon, so I see a spa day in my future. As usual, I have a long list of books I want to read, but I will probably only get to about a fourth of them. My Goodreads list is long! I need to keep up with my young adult literature for work, so this one is next on my list.

Summer will be over in a flash. At least, it usually is. What are your plans?