如果各大 OS 經營航空公司

[版主] 此篇由 www.cs.bgu.ac.il:80/~omri/Humor/ 取得.
假如作業系統經營航空公司, 會是什麼樣的情形?
轉載自1994年7月號開放系統與網路
有人在網路上提出這個荒謬的問題, 以下就是我們得自 Computer Associates
International Inc. 公司, 開放系統總監 Alan Paller 的回答
MS-DOS 航空
Everybody pushes the airplane until it glides, then they jump on and let the
plane coast until it hits the ground again, then they push again jump on
again, and so on.
乘客推著飛機前進, 直到它滑翔起飛時才往上跳, 接著讓飛機自行下降, 直到落地為
止, 然後不斷重覆同樣的步驟.
Mac 航空
All the stewards, stewardesses, captains, baggage handlers, and ticket
agents look the same, act the same, and talk the same. Every time you ask
questions about details, you are told you don't need to know, don't want to
know, and would you please return to your seat and watch the movie.
所有的空服員, 機長, 行李管理員, 以及機票代理商都長得一樣, 動作一樣, 講得話
也一樣. 每當客戶問到細節時, 他們總是說, 您不需要知道, 不想要知道, 每一件事
都在您不必要知道的情況下; 一切都為您做得好好的, 所以, 閉嘴就對了.
OS/2 航空
To board the plane, you have your ticket stamped ten different times by
standing in ten different lines. Then you fill our a form showing where you
want to sit and whether the plane should look and feel like an ocean liner,
a passenger train or a bus. If you succeed in getting on the plane and the
plane succeeds in taking off the ground, you have a wonderful trip...except
for the time when the rudder and flaps get frozen in position, in which case
you will just have time to say your prayers and get in crash position.
Windows 95 航空
The airport terminal is nice and colorful, with friendly stewards and
stewardesses, and easy access to the plane. After the plane arrives, 6
months late, you have a completely uneventful takeoff... then, once in the
air the plane blows up without any warning whatsoever.
設置在機場的服務臺看起來富麗堂皇, 裡面有和藹可親的空服員, 登機手續非
常簡便, 平安順利地起飛之後......接著, 飛機在沒有任何預警訊息的情況下爆炸了.
[版主] 寫的真是太傳神了 ^Q^ Windows NT 航空
All the passengers carry their seats out onto the tarmac, placing the chairs
in the outline of a plane.They all sit down, flap their arms and make jet
swooshing sounds as if they are flying.
乘客步行到跑道, 和諧一致地說出密碼, 然後排成像飛機外形的隊伍. 接著, 大家坐
下來, 口中發出咻的一聲, 假裝他們已經飛在天空中.
Unix 航空
Each passenger brings a piece of the airplane and a box of tools to the
airport.They gather on the tarmac, arguing constantly about what kind of
plane they want to build and how to put it together.Eventually, they build
several different aircraft, but give them all the same name. Some passengers
actually reach their destinations.All passengers believe they got there.
每個人帶著一片飛機的機身組織來到機場. 他們在飛機跑道上拼湊飛機, 同時不斷爭
論著他們所拼湊飛機的模樣.
Mach 航空
There is no airplane. The passengers gather and shout for an airplane, then
wait and wait and wait and wait. A bunch of people come, each carrying one
piece of the plane with them. These people all go out on the runway and put
the plane together piece by piece, arguing constantly about what kind of
plane they're building. The plane finally takes off, leaving the passengers
on the ground waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting. After the plane
lands, the pilot telephones the passengers at the departing airport to
inform them that they have arrived.
Newton 航空
After buying your ticket 18 months in advance, you finally get to board the
plane. Upon boarding the plane you are asked your name. After 46 times, the
crew member recognizes your name and then you are allowed to take your seat.
As you are getting ready to take your seat, the steward announces that you
have to repeat the boarding process because they are out of room and need to
recount to make sure they can take more passengers.
VMS 航空
The passengers all gather in the hanger, watching hundreds of technicians
check the flight systems on this immense, luxury aircraft. This plane has at
least 10 engines and seats over 1,000 passengers. All the passengers
scramble aboard, as do the necessary complement of 200 technicians.The pilot
takes his place up in the glass cockpit. He guns the engines, only to
realise that the plane is too big to get through the hangar doors.