ThePoliticalCat

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

The Right Value Is Truth

The right value is honesty.

La Casa de Los Gatos don't know about you, and how you might feel about homophobia, but we can tell you how we feel. We here are goddamn sick and fucking tired of all these closeted dickheads fucking around with OUR lives.

Just this month, we've had closeted homophobe Roberto Arango* posting pictures of his rectum to a hookup site. A fucking HOOKUP site! Where gay/bi men post for quickie casual fucks. If you're gonna bully other men for supposedly being gay, Roberto, you shouldn't be posting your starfish as an invitation to any swingin' dick within ten miles, know what I'm sayin'? Is that too much to ask, you arrogant asshole? Nobody really cares, Roberto, that you like to have another man's throbbing cock in your ass. Just don't fucking rub our faces in it after REPEATEDLY voting against our rights, you miserable piece of shit.

And look, what have we here? ANOTHER fucking Republican legislator caught with his dick hanging out? With a teenage boy?

I'll tell you why, you dumb fuck. Because you are gaygaygayer than a flock of fucking larks. You were so hungry for that pretty boy's 18-year-old body, his slender shoulders, muscular thighs, bubble butt, beautiful satiny dark skin. That's why. You were dying to stick your cock in him and his cock in you and to fuck until you both lost your minds. That's why.

Phil Hinkle's constituents think he should resign -- for being gay? For lying about it? For working so hard against the rights of gay people? This is the guy, incidentally, who is responsible for the "In God We Trust" license plate legislation in his home state. So, Phil, "In God We Trust" for what? For keeping anyone else from finding out that our cock throbs for teenage boys? Sounds like you spent all your time in the legislature on bogus legislation like this, and keeping gays from marrying. Have a good time on the unemployment line, you dumb fuck.

So, homophobic Republican legislators? It's OK for you to fuck us, literally, and then fuck us virtually by denying us equal rights? Because, you know, all that shit y'all are continually spouting about "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal," in the Declaration of Independence that you fucking claim to fucking worship? And all that crap in the Constitution about equality? You're not applying it to us, are you, when you vote against our right to marry and have families?

It's time for war on your hypocritical asses, y'all. Just come out of the fucking closet, admit who and what you are, and start acting like people, not ignorant fucking homophobes, OK? Because if you don't? It will be the civic duty of each and every one of us to do our best to expose you.

You hear that, girlzNboyz? If you've been schtupping a Republican legislator, it's time to let the whole world know. Start with the newspapers.

And now, to take the edge off, the gorgeous and brilliant Sara Benincasa sticks it to MishMash BatShitKrayZMann. Enjoy!

Rick Santorum Wins

Now, Rick, don't get all huffy and LIE and pretend you don't know why the gay community is upset with you, you smarmy little shit. You know damn well your nasty, homophobic, closeted little mind has been squeaking forever about how much you HATE the gay. Judging from the number of gayhaters who have been exposed as complete and total fucking SISSYMARY QUEENS, it's probably time you shut up about that already, before Dan takes you out, or your boyfriend finally speaks up.

Saturday, August 20, 2011

Caturday!

Yes, it's that time of week again, and despite missing my best (and fattest) feline buddy, I still celebrate me some kittehs on a weekly basis (in between daily and hourly celebrations, of course, which are required by Our Feline Overlords).

What are the little fuckers up to, or rather, what have they been up to lately?

We got Bandicoot some chewable vitamins because he's getting old, and the sparkle in his eyes was dimming some. Needless to say, he quickly figured out that these are dispensed of a morning right after the hoomin wakes. Right, you got it. Every morning on the dot, 17 pounds of fat, hairy, stomach-swinging Bandicoot (with inch-long claws of a painful sharpness) proceeds to leap on me in anticipation. And if I don't wake up, why, he just extends those little razors and pokes me till I do. He will lick noses, exhale on me, sneeze on me, poke me in the eye with a paw, all until I wake and give him his treat.

Cat snot, ew.

Gojira would like a taste of Bandicoot's chewy vitamins, but since she already acts like she's huffing speed, she is SO not getting any. Ever since Zingiber abandoned La Casa de Los Gatos for his other home (I still maintain they're xenoanthropology grad students from a different planet out here doing fieldwork), she's taken to dragging this little toy around and making "Come watch me hunt and kill, kittens" noises (Zingiber took to doing this after he adopted Gojira and took her under his Mighty Muffin Maker -- not with real mice, of course. He was too stupid for real mice. But he regularly hunted (mostly unsuccessfully) a series of toy mice which he would then bring her, dragging them up the stairs with loud yowls).

Every night she brings the stupid thing upstairs and places it on the floor on one side of the bed or another. Throwing it down just means she'll repeat the trip. She's also (for whatever reason) decided she can't be touched or looked at with intent at certain times. Any attempt to make contact, real or virtual, leads to loud, indignant meeps, leaping and running away, frequent licking of the spot on which someone might have touched her if they weren't across the room, and terrified expressions, sometimes in quick succession.

What do I know? I hear cats make a substance in their brains that's analogous to LSD. I could believe that.

Madu is a punk cat. He got two ear piercings last week. He's a fucking idiot, too. He never seems to win a fight, but he sure knows how to get in them. Of all the animals who have lived at La Casa de Los Gatos, this is the only one who seems to get in a fight every fucking week of the year. The others got in a couple of fights, and that was it, they got the shit beat out of them and it never happened again. I'm beginning to think this dumb fuck goes to sleep in the middle of a fight. There's no other explanation for the weekly bod-mod attempts.

Gustav has taken to mugging us for pettings. Yes, the same Gustav who spent the first two (or more) years in this house acting as if he was going to be eaten by the Horrible Hoominz is now sticking his face in a person's face occasionally, asking loudly for hugs and kisses and pets. See, Prozac works miracles.

They're all getting old (except Gojira, in whom youth, quite literally, springs eternal). Right along with the rest of us, I guess.

But it's Caturday, and the garden is calling, so I'm off to enjoy the beautiful greenth, and the hot golden sun and deep blue skies of Paradise! Happy Caturday, all!