Wednesday, January 13, 2016

Wani's Story

Fear and hope in the midst of my soul

Trying to block out all the
sounds as I cover my head with my hands. Trying so hard to hold in my tears as
I crawl back under my bed. “BOOM!” another bomb explodes. I never thought that
I’d be like one of them. I feel like one of the Syrians that lived in fear
knowing that they could die in any moment. Living like a prisoner trapped in my
room with nowhere else to go. If only the world could’ve predicted that this
would happen.

I could hear the screams from my
mother as she crawls deeper under her bed across from me. “Why did this have to
happen?” I thought as more tears struggled to escape my eyes. “I don’t want to
die like this! I don’t want to die knowing that my mother is living in fear!
Please! Somebody help us!” I tried to scream but all that could escape from my
mouth was the wailing of my fear.

It’s quiet. No more sounds. No
more bombs. No more loud screams of fear. “We’re safe”, I breathed out standing
up out of my position from under my bed. “Mother, you can come out now!” I said
as I held out my hand for her to take. Mother stands up looking so frail as if
she could collapse in any second. I put my arms around her as if my life
depended on it… “She never looked like this”, I thought in my head. “She was so
full of light and hope back then…” I sighed making my mother snap her head up
and look at me with confusion, but didn’t say anything as if she understood
what I meant.

See, before the British
government flaunted, mother would dance around while dusting the house looking
ever so lively with a smile plastered on her face every single day while
waiting for father to come back from work. Wearing vintage dresses that used to
be grandmothers’ and cooking dinner every single night without fail. But now,
every single day for the past year, both of us have been hiding under our beds
out of fear of dying. Mother doesn’t wait for father to come home anymore and
instead, she cries herself to sleep remembering father, who is now a long
distant memory.

I’ve always wanted to change the state
we were living in. After all these years of living in fear in a small house
surrounded by skyrocketing skyscrapers in the midst of the city, I just wanted
to be like a sunflower in the middle of a scarce field. Hoping to stand out and
give hope to the world that one day, there’d be an end. An end to all the fear
and doubt we all have buried in our souls but just like that, a start for all
the hope and courage we all have buried deep within our souls to break free so
we could end the war, all the killing done by the monsters who have no shame.
No shame in killing innocent lives that were once the reason for the happiness
that illuminated from this world. But just like many say “When you want to
change the world, you have to change yourself first”. “So please, please tell
me. How can I change and save the world, when I can’t even save myself?”

I walked slowly to the window, scared to make a slight sound
that could trigger another angry bomb, though I knew no one could hear it from
outside. I peeked outside through the curtains to see what the aftermath would
look like. Though I couldn’t see much since the buildings were blocking my view
of the city, I could see ashes coming down from the sky like rain and smoke
blinding my sight.

“Oh how I wish
we could turn back time and make it all right” was all that I thought of.
Turning my head to look at my mother beside me and I saw something that I never
thought would be visible after all the conflict in our lives was a look of
hope, and knowing that she had it too now, was hopefully the start of my
journey to stop all conflict and doubt in this world, and finally live a life
with no fear.