cooper was my first-born. he was born too early and didn't stay with me long enough. but he teaches me lessons every day. he has helped me be a better mom to mason. and a better person. this blog is a love-letter to mason, so that he will someday know what kind of impact his big brother had on his life. and on his mom's.

12 June, 2009

the day after

so i am now officially more pregnant than i have ever been. i am 22 weeks and 4 days pregnant. i am feeling a bit of relief, but i still have that fear every time i go to the bathroom that there will be blood in my panties or on the toilet paper. i have a terrible cough right now and every time it gets really bad, i fear that i will just break that balloon of water that the boy is swimming in. but still, i do feel better.

although this damn yeast infection is still here and it is still burning the shit out of my vagina. and today i wore jeans -- bad move. i can't wait to get home and change into nothing!

anyway, the good stuff. yesterday, josh and i both felt the baby kick or punch through my belly. i never imagined how exciting that would actually be. it makes it so real that there is a real baby human in there doing his thing. it's so cool how quickly this has all happened. sunday was the first i saw my belly move and then on monday josh saw it. and it's been regularly happening since then. and now we have both felt him. all in that 22nd week that i had been dreading. is he trying to tell us something? or is cooper?

or are they one in the same? i don't mean it's the same baby -- but maybe the same energy. flossie thinks that the universe just wasn't at the right vibration to hold cooper's energy last year. but she is feeling something about these '09 babies that is different. so maybe the same ball of energy that was cooper is now this baby boy. they do choose their parents, i believe, so maybe 22 weeks, 3 days and ten minutes just wasn't enough time with us.