The 12 Year Epiphany: Part III

For a long time, I've wondered if I'm the kind of guy who is even supposed
to love just one girl. Certainly, there are people with no interest in doing
the same job forever or living in the same town forever -- I've dabbled in
those categories myself. So can the same concept apply to love? At one point
in my life, I contemplated the possibility that it did... That I would fall
into people's lives at the right time and fall out when it was the right
time for that, too. In some ways, it's already happened like that. I know
situations where people floated in and out of my life and served a great
purpose for their limited time... And I think that I've reciprocated a time
or two as well. It's almost the Sam Beckett Theory -- leap in, help out and
move on. More importantly, it is the Firefighter Fletch Theory --
get called to a problem, fix it and move on to the next person in need. But,
in the end, this probably isn't the best philosophy for a relationship.

So back to committing... Back to having to make a choice...

My spiel about wanting to live life in the third person was dead on. I want
to know all of the facts before I jump into something. But when you are hanging
back to see what everyone else is doing and where things are heading, it
means that you're not leading. Truly passionate people always lead. Passion
doesn't allow any other alternative. So, if you're not ahead of the pack...
You're probably not passionate about what you're doing. How can any romantic
relationship begin without passion? It can't. Thus, one of my problems.

The other big problem relating to the "third person" is that the next stage
in my relationship with Jessie -- engagement -- is a giant leap of faith.
I can't see over the edge of the cliff, but she wants me to not only hop
over it... but do it with a running start, too. As I've told her, we haven't
even lived in the same town since 2002. The only time we see each other is
when one of us is on vacation. Either I'm visiting her while she works and
I bum around or vice versa. When she's not here, I live a different life.
My schedule is different. My eating is different. My activities are different.
My sleep habits are different. Because we live two hours apart, I never get
the chance to call her up and go to lunch spur of the moment. I can't just
up and take her to a movie on a whim. I wonder if the leap from living separate
lives in separate places to being man and wife is too great. Third person
is the guy watching the cartoon. First person just might be The Coyote. As
much as I think a lasting relationship with Jessie would be a good thing,
I don't want to end up at the bottom of the ravine.

But risk is a consequence of passion -- perhaps even a benefit. Without those
two things, you never achieve anything in life. As hard as it is, I must
remember that.