Bag of Randomness for Tuesday, January 16, 2018

I think a simple way for me to explain the feeling of grace to a child is for them to recall how they feel when they wake up for school and find out it’s unexpectedly canceled due to bad weather.

I think it’s been two years since TICKET listeners got to hear Michael Irvin announce school opening delays or closings to due inclement weather. It’s funny to think of all the confused looks on readers faces who have no idea what I’m talking about.

Some people simply have the natural ability to cleanly open a sealed cereal box without ripping the flaps of the lid. I do not have that natural ability.

Unprovoked, WifeGeeding has expressed interest in taking over BagOfNothing.com after my back surgery. I told her she needs to tap the brakes. My surgery in on Friday morning, I should be able to blog without skipping a beat to post something on Monday. In case you were wondering, I’ve only allowed her to post one other time – when we were in Vietnam back in May 2007.

One of the worst pains a man can experience, and it’s something we just can’t prevent from happening every now and then, is getting a little bit of soap in the urethra.

The Social Security Administration has a limit on the number of replacement cards they will issue you – You may receive no more than three replacement social security number cards in a year and ten replacement social security number cards per lifetime. We may allow for reasonable exceptions to these limits on a case-by-case basis in compelling circumstances.

It started off with a white-gloved assistant placing her Coronation crown in front of her and the narrator explaining how only three people are allowed to touch it bare-handed (her, the Archbishop of Canterbury and the Crown Jeweller). She then kind of manhandles the thing, poking and prodding it and flicking a hanging pearl or two. Her relaxed approach was hilarious. She complained about how heavy and uncomfortable it was wearing it and not knowing which was the front or the back. Interestingly, she has only worn the crown once.

She also complained how uncomfortable it was riding in the gold coronation carriage.

Her kids stayed at home for most of the Coronation. They were there for only ten minutes or so.

It was revealed the Crown-Jewels were buried in a biscuit tin under Windsor Castle during WWII. She was totally unimpressed about this. I think there was an urban legend they were stored at Fort Knox during the war.

Part of the Coronation involves the applying of anointing oil. It was a moment considered so sacred that television cameras were turned away out of respect, as she was anointed before God under a portable canopy.

Until this special, I had no idea England had a civil war which brought an end to the monarch. Charles I was beheaded in 1649 and the original jewels were melted down and sold, except for a golden spoon in which is used for the aforementioned anointing oil.

Beroe Charles’ beheading, he asked for an extra shirt to stay warm. He didn’t want to appear to be trembling in fear.

After his beheading, many spectators dipped their handkerchiefs in this blood to keep as a momento.

The day after his execution, his head was sewn back on his body, which was embalmed and placed in a lead coffin.

Charles II, his son, returned to the monarchy in 1660.

She talked about her father’s Coronation and how he made her write down her memories of the event. It was neat seeing the document and her hand-writing as an eleven-year-old and how she simply referred to him as Papa.

The maids of honor had smelling salts in their gloves in case they felt faint after three hours of standing. I wonder if smelling salts are still used in the NFL?

She said she was bored by the end of it, “At the end the service got rather boring as it was all prayers. Grannie and I were looking to see how many more pages to the end, and we turned one more and then I pointed to the word at the bottom of the page and it said ‘Finis’. We both smiled at each other and turned back to the service.””

When the Queen dies I will watch The Naked Gun in her honor. Random scenes: Her passing a hot dog at Dodger Stadium and participating in the wave. The woman who portrayed her is 90-years-old and has played the role quite often in movies. In case you didn’t know, the real Queen Elizabeth II attended her first baseball game in the U.S. in May 1991 when the Oakland A’s played Baltimore Orioles.