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warring with God

I feel like a completely different person. im physically pained. I don't sleep ever. im constantly on edge. I black out when im sober just from being so angry. I used to be a very good mother but now I only see my boys for a few hours a day a couple times a week cause im so messed up. and not only has it been just 3 years that my daughter has been gone but my fiancÚ decided a year ago now to kill himself and blame me. even though his probs had nothing to do with me but he decided on making his last act trying to destroy me and making sure I knew it. im just tired

Re: warring with God

Okay. I'll reach out to a stranger.

You've first got to admit to yourself that, to get to where you want to be, you need professional help. Today. Sometimes, you just can't do it by yourself and you need to reach out. You need guidance and counseling.
Coming here and posting here at Forum Garden is that first step. I do hope you follow through.

Re: warring with God

I feel like a completely different person. im physically pained. I don't sleep ever. im constantly on edge. I black out when im sober just from being so angry. I used to be a very good mother but now I only see my boys for a few hours a day a couple times a week cause im so messed up. and not only has it been just 3 years that my daughter has been gone but my fiancÚ decided a year ago now to kill himself and blame me. even though his probs had nothing to do with me but he decided on making his last act trying to destroy me and making sure I knew it. im just tired

You have a whole heap of issues bugging you lovebug. You say you "black out when you're sober" which means you not sober much of the time. You have said some stuff that doesn't make much sense. So if you really really are looking for help post a thread when you are feeling better or send me a pm and I will try my best to help you.