5 Valentine's Day Promotions to Avoid at All Costs

Valentine’s Day is a lot like brunch in that it encourages restaurants to put their worst foot forward. The crowd of lovebirds is nauseating, managers pull out all sorts of corny gimmicks to fill seats, and everything is marked up to make up for the fact that restaurateurs often loose money on the night.

But we get it: You’ve got to make a reservation and go somewhere to avoid spending the rest of the month in the doghouse. As you prepare for next Thursday, here are five common Valentine’s Day traps to avoid.

Valentine’s Day is a lot like brunch in that it encourages restaurants to put their worst foot forward. The crowd of lovebirds is nauseating, managers pull out all sorts of corny gimmicks to fill seats, and everything is marked up to make up for the fact that restaurateurs often loose money on the night.
But we get it: You've got to make a reservation and go somewhere to avoid spending the rest of the month in the doghouse. As you prepare for next Thursday, here are five common Valentine's Day traps to avoid.

The "Aphrodisiac Menu"

Holidays tend to have traditional foods associated with them that we all know and love—the Thanksgiving turkey, the Fourth of July hot dogs, and the Christmas pudding are all unimpeachable classics. But since Valentine’s Day is completely made-up and meaningless, it’s perhaps not surprising that it is entirely devoid of food traditions (unless you count chocolate and candy). Incorporating aphrodisiacs into menu items—anise, truffles, pomegranate—is perhaps the lamest attempt to make food Valentine’s-appropriate. Does anyone even still believe that aphrodisiacs are even a real thing? Eat oysters, sure—they’re refined and romantic anytime. But most V-Day specials would be better off without the onslaught of anise, saffron, and nutmeg that the chef probably doesn’t usually use.

The Mandatory Prix Fixe

The fact is that Valentine’s Day is a nightmare for many restaurateurs. Sure, people who do go out to eat are willing to spend a little extra money, but the potential customer base is reduced to couples, since most other people know better than to go out on Valentine’s Day. In order to compensate for the fact that they can only book two-tops, managers need to figure out ways to make the evening profitable. Prix-fixe menus allow them to predict their returns better, but they tend to be bad for the customer. If the restaurant doesn’t usually run prix-fixe menus, be wary of the fact that they’re doing a “special” one just for Valentine’s Day.

The “Special” Cocktail Menu

For those who like a stiff, honest drink in their hands, the plague of pink quaffs that infects restaurants and bars at this time of year is one of the worst parts of Valentine’s Day. The Godiva martini should have died in '90s, and you should run for the hills anytime you see it on the menu now. Unnecessary red flourishes like muddled raspberries and floating rose petals are also red flags. Love should be toasted with champagne. Beyond that, drink whatever you like, and don’t be pulled in by the marketing gimmicks.

The Decadent Dessert Course

Like the drinks, the desserts on Valentine’s Day tend to be very “special,” which generally translates to more expensive. Passion-fruit parfaits, chocolate truffles, and plates covered in shaved gold leaf abound, when really you’d be happy with the panna cotta that’s usually on the menu. And don’t even get us started on “dessert prix fixe” menus…

The Caviar and Champagne Upsell

Restaurants know that anyone dining out on Valentine’s Day is either desperate to get laid or struggling to save a faltering marriage, and they have no qualms about preying on your weakness. The upsells come thick and fast, from the sparklers to kick things off, to the caviar and truffle upgrades that would obviously make your meal so much more romantic. If you do actually like caviar and want to splash out, do your research to make sure you don’t get duped—all fish eggs are not created equal. A lot of restaurants serving caviar on Valentine’s Day don’t usually serve the stuff, so they may buy lesser varieties like bowfin and hackleback, then sell it on to you like it's gold.

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