Fan Altercations

For all of those still wondering, the M in CM Punk apparently stands for Metta World Peace. CM Punk has made the WWE relevant again and despite delivering one his better promos in some time, that’s not the reason why he’s making the internet rounds. It’s because of the beatdown he gave to an unsuspecting fan. Despite WWE’s best efforts to blame the whole thing on security, when you really think about it, this only furthered Punk’s recent heel turn. Which is great.

Although I’m sure Vince McMahon’s presence gave the ratings a spike, ‘cause you know, he equals ratings, the WWE’s surge in internet search engines Tuesday morning had more to do with Punk beating that fan down, than the crappy ultimatum he was given for Hell in a Cell. The only thing that could’ve made this better is if Paul Heyman was there next to Punk advising him against hitting the fan, and Punk just ignoring him. “Trust me, Paul!”

So in honor of that WWE fan getting “Punk’d” here’s the Top Ten Fan Altercations:

10. The Randy Orton Arm Punch

You don’t want to make him angry…

The best part about this clip is the look on Orton’s face as he gives that slight hesitation disrespected guys do in the movies right before they throw a punch, only to turn around and see that it’s some punk kid. The second best part? A punch thrown by some 13-year-old actually swayed Orton a little.

9. Jeff Jarrett Failing Miserably

Just the worst…

Jeff Jarrett is just the worst. Not only is he a poor man’s Triple H, but he also busted a reverse Kevin-Sullivan and took Kurt Angle’s wife via wrestling storyline. That’s why it’s funny to watch him failing miserably as he attempts to take down a fan decked out in a Rey Mysterio mask after challenging the fan to come to the ring. It’s so bad, that officials and other wrestlers run in to pull this guy off Jarrett making him seem like he’s Brock Lesnar. Then Samoa Joe runs in for the save, but instead kicks Jarrett’s ass! Why? Because Jarrett is the worst.

8. Chris Hero Loses His Cool

Throw them ‘bows.

Chris Hero was probably not throwing rolling elbows like he was Mitsuharu Misawa when this happened. Because had he had that move in his arsenal he probably would’ve knocked those dudes out right away. Unfortunately, Hero only got one solid shot in at the beginning, because that second punch, later in the video, looked like it barely connected. Though you got to hand it to Hero for blurring the line between reality and entertainment when he sold one of the fan’s chop at the 1:01 mark like he was Lex Luger selling a backrake.

7. Chris Jericho: Equal Opportunist Beater

Take the broad doooowwwwwnnnn…

While definitely not a highlight of Chris Jericho’s career, Y2J was simply upholding the wrestler’s unspoken code of: never let a civilian make you look weak. Whether or not that civilian is woman is something that was never really clarified, seeing as it is an unspoken code. Nevertheless, the woman in the video kept pushing Jericho and getting in his face. The end result? Jericho shows security personnel how to do their job. Guess these guys really are to blame.

6. Eddie Guerrero Is Almost Paralyzed

It’s one thing for a jackass wrestling fan to run in and attempt to take down a wrestler. It’s another thing for said jackass wrestling fan to risk a wrestler’s well-being, as was the case during this match. Luckily, Eddie was able to get a punch in on the fan. And special kudos to Earl Hebner for taking the fan down. Despite the stupid run-in, this match will always be considered, not only one of the best ladder matches ever, but one of the best matches to take place on Raw period.

5. Send For The Fan!

Welcome to the Danger Zone!

Macho Madness gets double billing here (video 1 – video 2), proving that he was a key member of the nWo that always seems to be overlooked when that stable is mentioned. However, major props goes to the fans from both videos for attempting to attack a man who is known, for lack of a better phrase, to “slap a bitch” for corpsing. On live national television.

4. Miss Jackie Texas Gets Speared

$5 says you stared at them right away.

There’s not much to say about this video than, “Wow”. Not only does this video contain a grown man attacking a female performer, but that grown man also happens to be what the rest of the world imagines when they hear the phrase “wrestling fan”. The glasses, the suspenders, the obesity, his inability to distinguish reality from fiction – he’s definitely the stereotype that keeps on giving. He’s like the “It’s Still Real To Me, Dammit!” Guy’s older, much more psychotic brother. And, of course, Jeff Jarrett (AKA The Worst) does nothing to help because apparently in Memphis, kayfabe will forever be held sacred.

3. Sabu: Botch-Free!

I’ll get you God!

Apparently, you don’t tug on Superman’s cape OR take Sabu’s turban. However, taking his turban without permission seems to be the key to unlocking Sabu’s ability to perform without botching a single move. As you can see in the video he effortlessly hops over the rail and performs a 4-hit combo all while maintaining his balance the entire time.

2. La Parka’s KO Punch

Come at me, hermano!

If you’re from Mexico you’re automatically born with knowledge of just how sacred the luchador mask is over there. Hell, if a wrestler tries to take off their opponent’s mask during a match they get disqualified. They don’t fuck around in Mexico. So it should come to no surprise that if you try to mess with a luchador by trying to pull his mask off after a few Tecates, you’re going to get dealt with. And that’s exactly what the original La Parka, now L.A. Park (which has got be one of the worst name changes to get around copyright infringement), did to this unruly fan. (editor’s note: There’s no greater joy than pausing it as the fan is in mid fall).

1. Mark Curtis’ MMA Take Down

Don’t mess with the guy in the bow tie.

In a Kevin Nash perfect world, WCW referee Mark Curtis AKA Brian Hildebrand (RIP) is what all referees would look like in order to make “vanilla midget” wrestlers like Dean Malenko and Daniel Bryan look larger than life. But even Mark Curtis proved Big Sexy wrong by showing the world that big beatdowns come in small packages. Curtis straight up choked out that fan with a front face lock! Why he never looked into a career with the UFC we’ll never know, they certainly would’ve had a weight class for him. And what made this video #1 was the unity shown between referee and wrestlers, as both Malenko and Psicossis broke character to kick the fan, which further proves that Jeff Jarrett is the worst!

Not sure if this was real or unscripted due to the great comedic timing of it all (which in WWE’s case means it was probably unscripted) but either way it was great seeing somebody make fun of Batista’s invisible machine gun entrance and then flee as two bumbling security guards give chase.