Martial Arts A Good Cure For Obesity?

Or so this article - actually an 'advertorial' - suggests. In fact, it's almost a checklist of McDojoism, where Martial Arts are for getting fit, self-esteem, teaching good manners to children... Anything other than being able to fight, that is.

I found it particularly offensive 'cos it was on a site supposedly there to help people with health problems. Instead it seems to be selling them yet more of the same bullshido.

Anyway, here follows the most egregious assertions, with tart commentary:

TOAST was approached by a local dojo, keen to work with individuals who are living with various health issues. They were especially keen to talk with people with weight problems; as a result of our initial consultations with them, we are pleased to introduce the folks at The Edge.

TRANSLATION: We don't know anything about martial arts and they sounded, like, really impressive on the 'phone.

Taking part and learning any martial art, or any sport really, creates an environment where we are all equal. Rarely would you experience any discrimination in the dojo (training hall); if it did happen, it would be very quickly addressed and stopped – behaviour of this kind will not be tolerated.

Yes, because what you really want is a day care centre rather than a dojo.

The techniques that you learn from judo and kickboxing give you an awareness, as well as being useful as a form of self defence (should an occasion arise). By coming to a full time dojo you can come to ‘another place’ - somewhere where Western civilisations worries and ideals are left behind; for an hour or so, you can be in the East, spiritually if not physically.

Err yes, far cheaper than going on holiday in Japan anyway. (Pass the Moroccan, MAAAAN.) And of course, we all know Western Civilisation is corrupt and wicked, with its high standards of living, free speech, advanced medical care and more food than the Third World could ever dream of... It makes you sick.

the dojo is a place where its ok to be respectful, and to expect respect. To bow (Rei) and show respect, and also to show that you know where you are with yourself and your training partner.

Again, Martial Arts are portrayed as a sort of behaviour modification rather than a means of fighting. And if you really need to wear a gi and bow in order to get or give 'respect', then you're seriously fucked up.

You will exercise and work out - without knowing you are working out

Whuurrr???

These abilities are in all of us. Everyone has a skill or technique that is better than someone else in that same group.

Because there's a rainbow inside us all. Plus a unicorn in some cases.

Sessions are formed of like-minded groups and are relaxed and informal and will be geared to the ability of the group. The coaches are not here with the aim of producing fighting machines such as Steven Segal, Jet Li, Jackie Chan, Bruce Lee, the Power Rangers or the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (These types are welcome at the club but must train in the mainstream classes with the other like-minded students).

You will gain a confidence and using the knowledge gained through training, project an aura that, in most cases, sends out a message to others. Bullies pick on the weak and frail - the easy victim. They like to hand out trouble but will not want to receive any. They will know that you have some knowledge and that you know some ‘stuff’, but because they are uneducated and not wanting to find out just how much you know, they will go and find another easier target or victim.

What utter ****. Seriously, selling this cobblers will get people killed.

Classes encourage interaction between students, mixing with others, training with others. People of all different walks of life; people you probably would not mix with in your everyday Western life but by coming to the dojo you have a common interest. Barriers are removed and we then see that everyone has a similar lifes and problems, just with differing degrees of severity. In a class of 20, there are 20 councillorsExperiences in the dojo reflect those in Life

[Reaches for sick bag...]

The way you react to certain situations on the mat makes you question yourself and in turn, address those things you like or dislike about yourself. The things that in ‘normal’ everyday life you would live with, but to practice the martial art, may need to be addressed. You learn more about yourself and others by losing than you do by winning (isn’t life like that?).

Remember that the next time when you get stabbed in the street - it's a learning experience.

Courses for TOAST readers start Monday August 7th onwards and will initially consist of 6-week blocks at a cost of £30 - Please book early to secure your place

The coaches are not here with the aim of producing fighting machines such as Steven Segal, Jet Li, Jackie Chan, Bruce Lee, the Power Rangers or the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (These types are welcome at the club but must train in the mainstream classes with the other like-minded students).

they are FIGHTING MACHINES!!!

how is it possible for someone to believe that steven seagal, jet li, and the ninja turtles are actual, bona-fide, death-touch-wielding Fighting Machines?!?!