Mythology – Was Thor a drag queen? Well, yes, but he had his reasons you know

There are many fascinating stories in ancient Norse mythology. Today we’re looking at the one that has been embraced by the LGBT movement. It’s the story of the powerful God of Thunder, or, as you might know him, Chris Hemsworth Thor.

Why does the LGBT movement take such an interest in Thor? Well, because Thor, at some point, dressed as a woman. So let’s ditch the screen and read the book to find what was actually going on there.

The Beginning of the Myth

The story starts with Thor waking up in his bed, reaching beside him, only to realise that his hammer is gone. Thor’s hammer, known as Mjolnir (like Master Chief’s armour, indeed), means the world to him. Asgard, the realm of the Gods, relies on Thor’s protection against the Giants. And Thor relies on Mjolnir to live up to the task. The sound of Thor smashing down his enemies with his hammer is what creates the thunder, and thus earned him the God of Thunder.

As one might imagine, his hammer being missing and all, was somewhat of a nuisance to the guy. Since without it, he isn’t much of anything.

The first thing he does is ask his brother Loki if he knows where it is. Loki is known for his trickery, and tells Thor that he doesn’t know. For a change, Loki is actually speaking the truth here.

Moreover, Loki is even willing to help Thor find his hammer. To assist this noble cause, he turns himself into a falcon and flies off to the giant’s realm. There, he soon discovers that the king of the giants, Thrymskvida, has somehow stolen the hammer. The giant says he will give the hammer back to Thor, on the condition that Freya marries him. Now, this is somewhat of a problem. See, Freya is Asgard’s beauty queen and a symbol of fertility to us mere mortals. Luckily for her, the Gods were not so cruel as to give her to a giant king just because he nicked some hammer. So, as Baldrick would say, they devised a cunning plan.

Thor Puts on a Dress

How could they fool ThrymskvidaI? Well, although they managed to steal Asgard’s only WMD from beside the Thunder God’s bed, Asgardians apparently didn’t consider giants to be a very observing lot. The Gods approached Thor and told him their plan. Thor was to put on a dress and pretend to be Freya and Loki would escort him, the ”bride”, to the wedding.

Thor cannot be said to have been overly excited about this plan. Being his realm’s Chad overlord, it was a bit out of character indeed. And now, to add insult to injury, after having lost his hammer, the symbol of his Chadness, he has to pretend to be a woman to get it back. Insulted and disgusted by the plan, our not all too eloquent Thor grumbled and moaned. Yet, since he couldn’t come up with a better plan, it was either dressing up as a woman for a day, or losing his manliness forever. Moreover, without Mjolnir, he could not protect the realm. Eternal mockery was still better than getting defeated by giants and losing Asgard altogether, which would mean death for each and every Asgardian.

And so it came to be, Thor dressed as a bride and pretended to be Freya, who was about to be married off to ThrymskvidaI. At the banquet, Thor, whose near-limitless appetite was only matched by his lack of self-restraint, ate whole oxen and drank by the barrel. When the king inquired about the bride’s appetite, Loki ensured him it was only because the bride was so in love that she had lost her appetite for the previous days. Only now, in the presence of her one true love, was she able to eat again.

The Hammer Returns

Just before the ceremony takes place, ThrymskvidaI places Mjolnir on the bride’s lap as part of the ceremony. As soon as Thor receives the hammer, he starts to smile. The sort of grin that precedes absolute mayhem, while looking the giant in the eyes. And indeed, Thor proceeds by not fucking around, meaning he smashes ThrymskvidaI’s head in right away. But a Thor who has been ridiculed and has his ego hurt by the whole situation, is hardly the guy one would expect to stop after killing the king.

So, indeed, he continues to massacre every single giant at the wedding. To Vikings of old, nothing was more enjoyable than turning a wedding into a little giant-genocide. After travelling back to Asgard, Thor goes back to wearing his regular clothes and carries on as normal. The humiliation of wearing the dress was – sort of – made up for by a whole lot of bloodshed.

Moral of the story?

Well, first of all, Thor really loves his hammer. Loki will take a break from God-tier trolling from time to time to help out his kind. We also learned that nobody minds killing completely innocent giants that are there only to attend their king’s wedding feast. With such Gods to look up to, it is hardly a surprise how the Viking raids were considered to be so brutal. Vikings did not like to turn the other cheek. They preferred vengeance and overzealous carnage.

Thirdly, Ehud Barak and Thor have more in common than we initially knew!