Tuesday, 10 July 2012

Another birth?

So, I don't want to scare anyone..
... but I so cannot imagine ever being pregnant ever again.

FULL STOP

It is the most bizarre feeling.
The boys are now the age we were when we 'got' pregnant the second time.
If you know our first pregnancy story, you know how shocked we were to get pregnant so quickly the second time.
And then to find out it was twins.

And, of course, we would not change a thing.
I won the "two or three children?" discussion.
But, I only got two pregnancies (I reserve the right to feel hard done to!).

And as I sit here, still broody every time I come across a newborn.

I am back to my life six years ago and running away from the thought of pregnancy and a newborn.

I would love a baby, and I've had straightforward birth stories.
But,I cannot take the risk of another twin pregnancy, my husband as the stay at home parent has the winning vote, and really, physically and mentally- I don't think I could do another pregnancy.

So, I will take this moment,
I will fall in love with every hope and dream.
I will love my friends and family and put my hopes of the future generations in their hands.
I will try not to inflict my baby enthusiasm on them.

I will remember every time I hold my child what it felt like to hold them for the first time.
And how much I loved looking after them before they were ready to face the world.
I cannot decide which child is my favourite, they hold such perfect places in my heart.
And how I will hold every newborn, and have wish the same for their parents.

I will realise that my heart is not big enough.
That it is stretched, and three children fits it perfectly.

And that I so look forward to my two little men looking out for their big sister, and this being outweighed by the amount of times she kicks ass on their behalf.

And that, the truth is, I want a third pregnancy, but it would be for my third child... and I already have a third child in my life.

I have been gifted, I have carried two children, I have two children with a bond which cannot be broken, and I do not have a youngest, I have equals.

I am fortunate, to have children, and to have wonderful pregnancies and straightforward births, resulting in my three wonderful children.

Someday's you just have to look life in the face.
And acknowledge how lucky you are.