The Four (and Only) Reasons Women Cheat

As told by "the other guy," aka me.

I have the overwhelming urge to preface this with the fact that I have never cheated on any significant other I've had. Actually, I've never cheated on an insignificant other, nor any woman that had any right to think we were exclusive. I've also never been cheated on, to my knowledge. I have, however, spent more than a few nights being the “other guy,” and I have learned a few things about women during these illicit trysts. It all comes from some of the worst pillow talk ever, but I have this overwhelming urge to share such insider information with the masses.

Barring the influence of Rohypnol or chloroform, or revenge for you cheating on her/treating her like shit, Lifetime Channel movie style (with fists and verbal abuse), there are only four reasons a woman will cheat. Yes, four. The details of each may be a bit different for each person, but overall, the reasoning for women looking outside any relationship falls into four general categories.

“What are they?” you ask? Well, I may have made a list just for you.

1. You aren't there enough.

It's not what you did, but how much of it you did instead of her.I know it's a dick thing to say, but some of my best wingmen have been asshole boyfriends. Often, you just aren't there nearly enough, and they are craving some attention. Even if you are around, the time you spend together isn't anything exciting. If you have said more than 4 times in a week that your plans can wait until you “finish this mission” in Call of Duty, you're already putting points on my scoreboard.

Sometimes, just a guy that's willing to devote a half hour of their attention just to her and what she has to say is enough to get you cuckolded. Hearing someone ask her about what matters to her, tell her that what she likes is interesting, and show a genuine interest in what she is passionate about can send her head reeling. A genuine conversation is by far a better way to flirt than some shitty line you saw in an indie movie. Usually, the “other guy” she's talking to has no idea she's in a relationship, and may not even be thinking about trying to hook up, just to hang out and enjoy the shindig. However, once it seems like an opportunity has arisen, well sir, you just lost your woman for the night.

2. You're there too much.

Even roses start to smell like poo-poo-poo.You're probably a sweet, caring guy. One of the few left in the world, actually. However, you didn't have a lot of deep relationships, so something as significant as what you have now makes you feel like you just found Wonka's last golden ticket.

You don't want to fuck this up, so you make sure she knows how much you appreciate her and like being around her. The unexpected flowers were sweet, the tight hugs made her feel warm and fuzzy, and the compliments made her blush.

For the first few weeks.

But shit, son, she just needs a little space. You don't have to share every goddamned meal with her, you don't have to go to every party she goes to, and sometimes she just wants to hang out with people that aren't you. Smothering her like she's some unwanted baby isn't going to keep her close. Actually, it'll make her go out and meet someone who won't do that.

It'll probably be some fairly sarcastic ass-hat chugging Iron City Light and claiming to be a better carpenter than Jesus, since Jesus had to beg for money, and this guy can actually find work. The twelve calls and texts will make her irritated, the case of St. Ides someone bought to share for people who are underage will make him seem more alluring, and congrats, she's not coming home tonight, and she turned her phone off so that she isn't reminded of what she is doing. Don't worry, she'll honestly feel guilty about it, but you can't change the past.

3. She's just a flat out whore.

She went behind your back, he went behind hers.I won't say this one isn't still partially your fault, but sometimes a woman is a filthy, filthy floozy. You should have known this, since she looked you in the eye the first time the two of you were ever intimate and told you to stick it in her butt.

Her sexual appetite and need for attention may spawn from a childhood eating disorder, or a lack of daddy's attention, or maybe she merely discovered she really loves dick. Regardless, you had the full knowledge and understanding that riding dudes and chugging baby gravy are two of her favorite pastimes. And you, who actually wants to focus on irrelevant shit like “classes” and “work” and “your future,” never stopped to think about what she was doing the four nights of the week she wasn't banging you.

The answer is other people. This really shouldn't surprise you, since she was probably dating some other dude when you first hooked up with her. If you knew, then you have no right to be even remotely surprised. I mean, if you yourself were the “other guy” she cheated on someone else with, what is so special about you that makes you think it wouldn't happen again?

If you didn't know, then this may have blindsided you, but there were always signs. Nights she didn't answer your phone calls, times she wouldn't look you in the eye (she probably didn't want you to see Kyle's semen stains on her face), or maybe it was that day she came home smelling of Axe Body Spray and spermicidal lube. If she was that much of a hussy, and you ignored all these signs, then it probably isn't the first time she cheated, and if you think she'll change, then I'm sorry to be the one to say it, but it won't be the last time, either.

4. The relationship is already over.

She's got a case of wandering eye, and it's not a vision problem.It may not be official yet, but she at least knows it's not working, and never will. You may or may not have any idea you are about to be single, but whether you know it or not is irrelevant. It may take another month or five, but eventually, the end of your relationship will be official. Maybe you're stuck in a lease together and neither of you can afford to move out. Maybe she's still comfortable with you, but hasn't been in love with you for a while now. Either way, she's probably looking for greener pastures, or just embittered because her prime years were wasted on you and wants to know she's still got it.

The “other guy” really isn't wrecking a home, more just kicking down the tattered drywall that's left. More often than not, she isn't trying to hurt you; she's either just planning ahead or starting the transition to the single life early. Either that, or she feels it's easier to cheat and end the relationship on a sour note than to stay around and be trapped in an already broken relationship.

Out of the four, you should take this one the least personally. It is genuinely not your fault, assuming she hadn't voiced any opinions on why something was wrong, which you ignored (if you didn't try to work on what's wrong, then it's at least a bit your fault). There may have been signs that you missed, but overall it was unavoidable. Even if you knew the signs, the two of you were unsalvageable. It's over, and you can go your separate ways. The “other guy” is really just expediting the inevitable, for which you should thank him. Now you don't have to buy her any more shit to get her to give you that half-hearted smile.

I'll skip over the other misogyny and focus on the line that actually made me choke on my water a bit: "Barring the influence of Rohypnol or chloroform..." Are you kidding? That is not cheating, THAT IS RAPE.
Shame on you for equating being drugged and violently attacked with cheating on your significant other.

hahah yeah you know what ima take your advice bro ima just keep her as happy as i can ever make her because i too love her with all my heart and i know her physical and emotional but i just dont want anything stupid to get in between our awesome relationship thanx bro

bro that last one got me thinking, i mean i got this girl and when ever we go out you know i try to be respectful to our relationship and not look other girls. ok? but see this is what effes me up when i look at her she is usaly looking at other ppl and i really dont know what to think of this.....

First how deep are both of you in the relationship? Some people who say they love you might not really mean it as much as they think...kind of like the difference between saying i love you when u are making love and the difference when someone says they love you when u are next to a hotter person or when they say they love you when u look ur worst or when they say they love you when both of u are alone and she remembers why she loves you......right now as far as i can remember..what keeps a girl in love is how she sees who you are on the inside ....... like for example... the girl i love.. even if she were a monster with claws and acidic skin and alien eyes... i wud still love her becuzz i remeber who she is inside my heart and the happiness we had and she is a big part of me and i would never let go ....she might just be looking at other people for any reason... you have to be the one to make her happy, to show her that you want both you to stay in love forever and that u want it to be meaningful... I dunno but she might think it's just stupid .... there is so much u have to know to defend urself from any bad beleidf about love that she might have... I dunno what to say... I'd have to start my own couples' treatment program or sumtin and i'd have to know alot becuz to "magically" fixa problem faster u need to know all the details for that is how magic works... u controll every small detail and at the same time u controll all of them as ur imagination says...

anyway the stuff about why girls cheat is totally true but i did want to add that there is a way to keep a girl from cheating no matter what.. unless i dunno.. her brain is naturally wired so that no matter how much she loves someone.. she will be a whore or something ....but when you truly love someone.. the idea of being ripped apart from them in any way like ... the idea of me being seduced by another girl.. or me wanting to hurts my heart ..and that's one of the many things that protects me and keeps me from cheating.. and pain is part of the behavior adjustment thing discussed in psychology so ... yeah?

I hate the flat out whores-.-, and i do beleive it is possible to love someone no matter how little or how much time they spend with you, the problem is most people think they can love each other and nothing wont happen, and they havent really found ways to prevent the bad things that may happen... and before you can love each other no matter what happens... your relationship has to be very very very meaningful.. very deeply meaningful very deeply good and strong and other things like that.. only good people are likely to do this.. not your average high school hunk or cutie who is just living his life kinda like the girl..... depth is required.. religion or belief in the afterlife could help . it's the kind of relationship that most people don't have because of who they are.. they don't try to find depth... to believe and support good things... because they dont know enough..I have a gf who even though she is a very good girl as my gf... and in life.. if i didn't know the deep things about good and bad,, strength and weaknesses, temptations and strengths of our will when it comes to love and how we can become a great part of each other... she wouldn't want to be with me forever.. she might end up changing her feelings for me without telling me months later or something or if she tells me right away... how would i handle it...if i dont even know what we are holding on to... you have to know why you are where you are and why you should and want to stay there...anyway there is much more to be said but I'm tired >_>

Funny article. The last two hit home better for me. I think that's because the first two are situations where she wants out, which is really #4, that the relationship is over. I really liked this piece.

Maybe, a follow up could be a list of the signs of eminent breakup. Something like "X signs that it's over."

Do you consider it evil because you've been cheated on so many times? Then maybe you should consider your own problems. Men cheat too and its equally as awful, so don't just pick on women. Cheating is terrible and it shouldn't be limited to women.