Last night at 9 o’clock I remembered it was time to make goals. Sometimes I think the time is passing so slow but then its gone and I’m left wishing I had gotten more done. I need to be more productive I guess. Oh look a goal!

November goals in review:

Keep moving – Run at least 2 times a week (YES!)

Weight train (YES!)

Stay positive – give AT LEAST 2 compliments a day (for the most part!)

Don’t eat too many treats each day (wink wink) (for the most part!)

Such a good month! I did everything (for the most part) that I wanted to. Winning!

December Goals:

Keep up November goals

Sit down and play with the kids each night. Dinner can wait a few minutes.

Dear body image issues, get out of my head!

Let things that you can’t change go.

Be jolly!

The quote above it really useful in negotiating life with a partner. For both you and them. Some things don’t matter and you should let it go. Others do matter and you need to hold their feet to the fire.

Unfortunately its hard to know the difference sometimes.

Looking back over my December goals I realize that I have lots to do. But I can do it. I will say that each morning. Visualize to accomplish your goals. Its possible and I can do it.

The past few weeks have been hard. I know its been a few because I missed last week’s post due to Thanksgiving and the fact that at our new place the internet reception is pretty sketch.

Anyway, I have been SO tired, like overslept 3 days in a row. And my meds aren’t working so I am just struggling through the pain. Which is hard on my body and my mental game. By the time Saturday rolls around I’m kinda on my knees and just want to spend a couple hours crying. Its so hard to keep it together all week that I’m done and a wreak as the weekend begins. Awesome times in our house.

But on a positive note I’m going to the doc on Tuesday and am hopefully that she will get me all “figured out, patched up, and well, fix me” and I will be a new person soon. But you don’t have to hold your breath.

So I’m learning how to bob and weave.

There have been ups and downs these past weeks. So I’m learning to dodge the punches.

Victories:

I made a killer Thanksgiving dinner all by myself (two days after Thanksgiving) so my family had delicious left overs.

We moved into a canyon that is pretty inconvenient for babysitters but I asked a good friend and he said yes, even though I know its not his idea of a good time. I’m lucky to have good friends like him.

I had drinks and met new neighbors with my husband, without any children (dreamy!).

Holy shit folks! I didn’t know if I was going to be able to write this post. I have literally spent the past 48 hours convinced that I fractured my foot. (My head is a disasterous place)

And after seeing a doc and looking at x rays I now know that I don’t have a fracture. Just a bone bruse.

At this point in my life I plan for the worst and hope for the best. I know that hope isn’t a tactic but it’s what I have on my side.

This weeks wins:

1. I went running and felt winded and slow in the shadows of a good friend but was able to reframe and un shame it. Taking deep breaths, seeing across the valley, cool temps, and laughing with friends. That is what is important now, not who is the best runner. Which I think only really bothers me because I have lost allot of my running A game….but I’m an ultra runner and I love to walk some hills!

2. I went to a friendly clothing exchange and came away with some great clothes.

3. I don’t have a fracture! I can still go running this week! Wait this should be number 1!

Time moves so fast, which I don’t think I totally appreciated until I had kids and had a visual reminder of its speed. One of my favorite lines from the movie Steel Magnolias is when Dolly Pardon (a hairstylist) says to one of her clients that “time marches on and soon enough you realize it’s marching right across your face.”

Sad but true. Where did those lines come from?

October’s goals in review:

I will buy a pumpkin and decorate for Halloween (Win)

I will buy a professional grade windshield scrapper (missed the mark – though I think about it every morning)

Brainstorm ideas for an Open House Halloween Party Combo (Win)

Stop for a second and take a picture (Win)

Wear more jewelry (ohh this one is so hard!)

Drink (water, coffee, cocktails, do it all!) #winning (Win)

This past month was hard but looking back I did accomplish many of my goals. That makes me feel good.

Even when times are tough I can still get things done.

November goals:

Keep moving – Run at least 2 times a week

Weight train

Stay positive – give AT LEAST 2 compliments a day

Don’t eat too many treats each day (wink wink)

People! I used to think writing goals down was a silly business. Its not. It has been really helpful to me.

This week has been fun but brutally busy and its only Wednesday. Thank goodness its hump day.

Yesterday I kicked myself out the door and went for a run. It was beautiful and I felt great. I took a beautiful picture and then promptly had a spectacular fall and scrapped up my elbow and knee and limped around for trick or treating. Not one of my wins. Though I did get up, dust myself off, and run/walk back to the car.

Down to business, lets get real.

Wednesday Victories:

I got out of bed this morning. Win.

I put all my clothes on the right way and made it to work on time. Win.

I know there is someone who didn’t do that. I’m a winner. You are too.

Over the weekend I had some big victories that need to be counted. First, I ran 8 miles. And while that isn’t a lot or what I have thought was a lot for a couple of years. It is now a lot to me and the first 8 I have managed pain free in a long time. It was great to be out in the mountains, running, talking, and laughing.

I also fought threw the whining and took my kids hiking and they had a great time. Sometimes its worth the fight.

A good friend made this trip extra special as he brought donuts on the trip. And let’s face it, we all love donuts.

I know my life seems perfect. Ha! Remember while I have had some wins this week, I have also had moments of screaming children, children up at 3 in the morning, failed dinners, etc. Life has ups and downs. Celebrate the ups.

Win:

I walked around REI all by myself! Wait there’s more. I bought cross country ski pants, gloves, and a hat for myself. Wait there is still more. I felt great about it!

I made a delicious soup. Who does that during the week?

I scheduled time for me to go for a run and then off to a running nutrition class. Me time.

Let’s do it. Lets celebrate the good stuff. The small stuff. The stuff we shove under the rug because its too mundane.

Its not.

Someone else in this world couldn’t manage it this week and you did, YOU did! Your awesome.

And let’s make this a thing we do on Wednesdays. Hump day. Celebrate something you did, gracefully or not. A little positivity goes a long way and we maybe on Wednesday but there are still two solid days to go, make them easier.

For example:

1. I stopped on the way home and took the kids up to a scenic overlook to enjoy the view and play on rocks.

2. I got take and bake pizza for dinner and that earned me a little extra time to sit and color with my kids.

Re-frame and un-shame! Its okay to get pizza for dinner. You’re not a bad parent. You’re surviving this crazy life and know your limits.

I had a pretty special weekend, hanging out with the ladies at the beautiful Snowbird resort. I am not a billionaire just a mom who squeaked out a little moment of time for myself, that was months in the making. Good grief, life is busy.

I finally got a chance to talk to them and process my diagnosis of RA. It was good to talk to them but when I woke up I felt sad, lame, and defeated. But looking back, that is exactly what I needed to do. I have said my piece and now it is time to clean house and MOVE ON.

Later that weekend, I reached out to some running groups on FB (wranglers I’m talking about you!) and found hope and inspiration in others. I had been feeling like RA was a horrible death sentence but as it turns out it doesn’t have to be. This is just the beginning of my life with this illness and I’m figuring things out and that is probably going to be one of the hardest times. I need to take my time and be patient with myself. Figure out which meds work for me and put one foot in front of the other and keep moving. That is the one thing everyone said. Keep moving. I can do that. It may hurt but I can do that. That is going to be my life from time to time and I can do that.

Things are hard. But I can do this.

No one else can do this for me. I can do this.

Each day I do not get out of bed and think, hmmm, today I will be mediocre. No.

Today I will be the best version of myself.

Big things are possible and I can make them happen. Buck up butter cup.