10 Awesome Pairs of Underwear That Will Destroy Your Sex Life

A few days ago, we provided you with a handy guide to songs you should never play during sex. Now, some of those tracks were pretty great — just like we kind of adore all the men’s and women’s underwear listed below. But, for reasons that will become apparent as you read on, we wouldn’t advise wearing them out on a night when you plan to hook up. You can thank us in the morning.

These may well be the most wonderful panties we’ve ever seen. But between the granny cut and the portrait of a woman whose husband had her beheaded after she failed to bear him a son, this pair is sure to kill the mood, so to speak. Also available: Elizabeth I (a.k.a. “The Virgin Queen”) on your crotch, Henry VIII (unfortunately, not the version played by Jonathan Rhys Meyers) on your butt.

These boxers, featuring a Victorian-esque image of two men who look like they’re mere moments away from a lip lock, would probably go over big in bed on a gay man. If you’re trying to bed a lady, though, they’re just about the quickest way to sow major, “Do we have a future?”-style doubts.

Sure, these looks fairly appropriate for the boudoir. But then you realize that they were designed as “backup to be worn in addition to your regular sanitary pad and tampon routine.” Might not want to take them off, then, huh?