With so many newly engaged couples starting the wedding-planning process,
let’s address the elephant in the room no bride-to-be with lavish tastes wants
to think about: a budget.

Unless you have a Daddy Warbucks in your life ready to hand over a blank
check, establishing a realistic financial plan is not a topic couples can gloss
over.

With the average nuptials in New York City costing over $32,000, according to
figures cited by costofawedding.com, a future bride and groom quickly need to
figure out who’s footing the bill and how much they can, and are willing, to
spend.

Much like the poofy-sleeved wedding gown, the expectation that the father of
the bride picks up most of the tab has gone by the wayside. Today, expenses
usually are split by both sets of parents and the couple or, sometimes, only by
the couple.

This conversation about who’s paying for what should take place soon after
the engagement is announced. If parents don’t come forward to say what, if
anything, they plan to contribute, the newly betrothed will need gently to
initiate the discussion.

Marissa Mortimer, owner of Lavish Occasions, a wedding planning/design
company based in Willowbrook, said many of her clients’ parents offer to pay for
a specific component, like the reception, and have the couple pay the rest.

In other cases, the wedding planner said, Mom and Dad will contribute X
amount to the wedding fund and let the pair spend it as they wish.

Ms. Mortimer said couples need to keep in mind that by accepting Mom and
Dad’s financial help they are giving them a certain amount of decision-making
power – like who’s added to the guest list.

Speaking of which, the guest list is one of the most important considerations
when developing a budget, Ms. Mortimer said, since the number of attendees has
the biggest impact on total costs.

Forget the rule of thumb that says 20 percent of invitees will not attend
when calculating costs, Ms. Mortimer warned, noting she has planned nuptials in
which fewer than 5 percent of guests declined.

She also advised couples to factor in an extra 10 percent for "miscellaneous"
since nearly every bride and groom goes over budget.

Debra Feaser, a financial advisor with Edward Jones Financial Services,
Bloomfield, works with engaged couples to ensure that doesn’t happen.

"You really don’t want to start your marriage in debt," said Ms. Feaser, who
usually advises young adults paying for a large portion of the wedding
themselves – and who have come in at their parents’ behest.

"Most of them are still living at home, rent-free, and have a disposable
income," she said.

After doing an analysis of their income, assets and current expenses, she
prepares a budget to see how they can save.

"I try to help set up realistic goals and see what we can accomplish in a
certain time frame," Ms. Feaser said, explaining she focuses on "things they can
do without for a year or two in order to have the wedding.

"I find a lot of waste," she said, noting many young adults don’t realize how
much of their money goes toward weekend entertainment, designer clothes and
gifts.

"They also spend a lot on vacation – trips to the Bahamas, Brazil, Italy,"
she said. "So, we eliminate that: No vacation until after the wedding."

Ms. Feaser also has them set up a "just for the wedding" money market account
in which a certain percentage of their paycheck is deposited automatically each
pay cycle.

In terms of the timing of payments, the financial advisor said, a lot of
money is needed up front for deposits; then there is a lull in expenditures and
then another big hit at the time of the wedding when final payments are due.

For those desiring extravagant nuptials – usually younger brides, Ms. Feaser
observed – she suggests they wait a year or two in order to build up their
reserves.

Figure out what’s more important: A lavish reception or honeymoon? Do you
want a destination wedding or to keep it local? Intimate or grand? Is good food
your top priority? Or is it photography? All this can influence the final price.

Because the largest portion of the budget is devoted to the reception, Ms.
Mortimer said this is an area where you can save the most. One way is to trim
the number of guests. Another? By going with a venue where the cost is $150 per
head, not $300.

Also consider that a seven-piece band costs significantly more than a deejay
– as do a designer gown vs. off-the-rack and butterfly orchids vs. silk flowers.

Flexibility about when you have the wedding also can save you big bucks. Ms.
Mortimer said winter weddings can be the least expensive option, as can having a
wedding reception on a Thursday, Friday or Sunday, or in the morning/afternoon.

Don’t be shy about negotiating. In this economy, most vendors will work with
you on price and/or freebies. According to Ms. Mortimer, the later you book, the
more negotiating power you have.

There’s one last consideration Ms. Feaser said the prospective bride and
groom need to consider when working out their budget: where they wish to live.

If it’s in their own home, not a rental, they may want to leave the
over-the-top wedding to fairy-tale princesses – and the Kardashian sisters.

Elise McIntosh, editor of the Relationships section, may be reached at
mcintosh@siadvance.com.

On average, couples nationwide spend a total of $26,542 on their wedding. In
New York City, a couple hosting an average of 139 and 153 guests will spend
$32,182.

To see how quickly expenses add up, we’ve provided you with an average
breakdown of prices for various wedding services. Spending and prices can vary
widely. Expect to pay 50 to 100 + percent more when choosing well-experienced
professionals, designer labels, popular event locations, unique or custom
products and services.