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Thursday, July 1, 2010

Flying and Dying and a Severe Lack of Valium

So about that trip this weekend.. I’m excited, except that I hate flying, and I forgot to get a prescription for Valium from my doctor. And that would all be okay, except that Bean hates flying too.

I’m really nervous, because this could be a defining moment in our marriage.

See, there have been an assload of times when I was terrified of something, like any time we’ve ever driven over a bridge or when we drove to Colorado.But every time I’ve been terrified, Bean wasn’t, because he’s all strong & stoic and stuff. So he was able to comfort me, and calm me down, and tell me that we weren’t going to die.

This time, he’s going to be uncomfortable too. I’m sure he’ll still be outwardly stoic, but will he be able to calm my crazy ass down??

Will he be able to tell me that we’re not going to die when he really thinks that we are going to die??

What the hell is my reaction going to be if he does tell me the truth - that we’re going to die??

P.S. - I've left all of my passwords where Miley can find them, so if when I die on the plane, she can post my eulogy.

7 comments:

Do what all couples who are deathly afraid of flying do... have sex in the plane toilet!

It's cliché but, more people DO die from crossing the street than from flying. Just enjoy the full body touching and groping now being performed by horny yet qualified TSA employees! And have a pre-flight cocktail, that always helps!

Neither of you are going to die. You are more likely to die millions of other ways - - I won't go into anything that will drive you crazy.

Little known fact - - 86% of all plane crash victims survive. It is just that on the news you only hear about the horrible ones.

Once you get on the plane, count the number of rows to the nearest exit. Most people killed die of smoke inhalation because they couldn't find an exit. I fly a TON, and I do this everytime I fly. Just so you know.....if you are ever on a plane with me.....I will trample people to get to the exit if they aren't moving. Have Bean concentrate on being the Superhero who carries you to the exit!!!

O.k., say you only have 3 tablets left, and you realize that the plane is going down. Your loving husband is oblivious to the danger, but two people on the plane, Jennifer and Christy, whom you really know only by their delightful and witty blogs, are screaming and terrified.

You realize if you keep the "good" drugs for yourself, and wash them down with one of those little tiny bottles of vodka, in no time you will be as oblivious as your husband and die in a fugue state.

On the other hand, if you take one, and give one each to Jennifer and Christy, the three of you, while semi-relaxed, will still hear the screams, feel the searing heat from the fire, and feel every bone in your body break upon impact.

Jennifer Juniper

I'm a moderately insane, blissfully happy 29 year old woman. I'm married to the love of my life and I have two gorgeous children who know that their mother is just a little crazy and I think they like it that way.

Seriously?? Bean??

You won't find any real names in this blog - I think it's horribly unfair of me to talk about my friends and family without their knowledge AND use their actual names..

I'm hoping that you already caught on to that, I mean really, did you think I'd marry someone named Bean??