Senior Conservatives “not at all shitting it” at Swiss bank raid

David Cameron has confirmed that senior Tories, cabinet ministers and party donors are not at all shitting it over today’s raids on the Geneva subsidiary of HSBC bank.

“You can rest assured that neither this nor any future raids are going to turn up any sort of impropriety whatsoever. And if anyone we know just happens to have tripped over and dropped an immense fortune into a tax free Swiss bank account set up in the name of their cat then you can be sure that it’s probably all a terrible mistake. And just something we need to all move on from. Right now.”

Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne added “Neither us nor our rich friends have had anything to do with it. Not that we know what it is. We don’t even know if there is an it.”

Switzerland is a very popular holiday location with many cabinet ministers, party donors and company directors choosing to pop over there this week-end seemingly in rather a hurry. The very well off are thought to be attracted by the country’s watches, chocolate, and fondue parties. And maybe winter sports.