Twilight: A Love Story?

Why the vampire series captivates today’s girlie girl culture.

The Twilight Saga has taken teenage girls everywhere by the throat. Pun intended.

"People don't want to just read Stephenie Meyer's books; they want to climb inside them and live there," wrote Time magazine, adding, "[Fans] dress up like her characters. They write their own stories about them and post their tales on the Internet. When she appears at a bookstore, 3,000 people go to meet her. There are Twilight-themed rock bands."

If you haven't heard of The Twilight Saga, then for the past six years you have have managed to avoid contact with all females between the ages of nine and 19. Teenage girls wait days to catch a glimpse of the movie-adaptation actors. They pull out their hair. They scream and cry. They hoard merchandise ranging from the chintzy Twilight-themed school supplies, room decorations and clothing, to the downright bizarre. Twilight-themed tattoos, shower curtains and cookbooks are just the beginning.

Twilight-themed school supplies and cookbooks are just the beginning.

Beyond its corporate identity as an outlandish marketing phenomenon, blockbuster film, and publishing explosion (over 100 million books sold), Twilight has also reshaped the sensibilities of a generation. I grew up under the pounding brand waterfall of "Girl Power!", the slogan of the first of many neon-wearing, skin-flaunting girl bands to catch the pop-psychology female-empowerment wave that began long ago with characters like Rainbow Brite, Jem and the Holograms, and even Strawberry Shortcake. Right around when I turned 12, Rainbow Brite suddenly grew up and girls my age grew up with her.

Today, the same kids who dreamed of going to elementary school at Hogwart’s now dream of going to high school in Forks. But Twilight seems to touch a deeper nerve. Behind the obsession with vampirish good looks, Twilight grabs at a stray chord in the heart to play something so vivid and haunting that girls won't let go.

Why the obsession? What chord hath been strummed?

One in Four

I admit, I like Twilight. Guilty as charged. I couldn't put the books down.

But then I read another book a few months later that put the Twilight phenomenon into much clearer perspective. Called Reviving Ophelia: Saving the Selves of Adolescent Girls, quoted a study conducted in Rhode Island in the 1990s:

Teens were asked to respond to questions about the circumstances under which a man “has the right to have sexual intercourse with a woman without her consent.” …At least eighty percent of these teenagers didn't know that a man never has a right to force sex.

She goes on to depict the daily sexual harassment and pressure teenage girls suffer as they walk the gauntlet that begins around fifth grade and ends, hopefully, after college. Her depictions of interviewees read like war stories except for the fact that these are the typical experiences of young women growing up in America. The teasing. The blackmail. The gossip. The labeling. To say nothing of the rape and date rape that is now documented to harrow the lives of one in four women in America today. The depression, cutting, suicide attempts.

This is what counts for normal growing up in today's generation? "Girl Power" wasn't the half of it. Today's pop culture has become a morass of barely disguised pornography masquerading as the natural next step after The Disney Channel. Think Britney Spears and Miley Cyrus, stars so aggressively vulgar that the Spice Girls look chaste in comparison.

Enter Twilight. Stephenie Meyer, a stay-at-home mom in Utah, inadvertently started a revolution. Teenagers sick of being used as pawns in advertising's lowest-common-denominator manipulations woke up to the themes of Twilight, took a mass breather, and it changed them.

The Power of Ahava

What are these oh-so-powerful themes in Stephenie Meyer's oh-so-successful Twilight? One word: love. Twilight is a love story. There really isn't much more to it.

But not love the way the American advertising industry defines it. Love a lot more like the way our Jewish tradition defines it. Love, in Hebrew, is ahava: literally, I will give. I will take care of you. I will make personal sacrifices for your wellbeing. I will do whatever it takes, go to whatever lengths, to give you everything I possibly can. That's love. That's ahava. Ahava doesn't compromise, or lose faith, or become blinded by passing seductions.

The more we give, the more we love.

The real secret, teaches Rabbi Eliyahu Eliezer Dessler in his famous Strive for Truth, is that the wonderful feelings of fulfillment and happiness that we all long to experience – the bliss and magic of love – come about not through getting but by giving love. When we open our eyes to the person standing in front of us and move our hearts to care for them (care being an active verb), we feel love. Our hearts flood with something wonderful and indescribable. We experience connection of the most profound human experience.

The best part is that the more we give, the more we love. We can tap into this power at any time. There is nothing more noble or more beautiful.

Of course, nobody ever said it was easy. Just as it does for all of us, love forces Bella and Edward to make a large number of very tough choices, moral dilemmas that revolve around the central themes of our human lives: immediate gratification vs. altruistic, long-term commitment. The body vs. the soul. That this is played out under the extreme circumstances of werewolves and vampires makes it more fun, but, ironically, no less relatable.

Will you choose to become a member of the Volturi, the evil vampires who feast ruthlessly and elegantly on human blood, or will you choose to be a member of the Cullen family, the vampires who overcome their powerful desires by satiating themselves on animal blood instead? Will you fight hard for revenge like Victoria, or for kindness like Carlisle?

How far will you go for the one you love? Will you risk your life? Will you give up everything to change in fundamental ways? Rabbi Lawrence Kelemen says that the purpose of marriage is to tell your partner, in word and deed, "I am here to make your dreams come true."

Young women around the world want to know what will happen to Edward and Bella because they matter. Their values matter. Sure, there's violent danger to Bella's life at regular intervals, the Cullens have to up and fight some bad guys, and Bella waffles a bit between her best friend, the werewolf, and the love of her life, the vampire. But at the end of the day – please excuse the unabashed sappiness – it's the fact that Bella and Edward just love each other so much that keeps the story going. Will love win?

Twilight has given an entire generation a mental picture of what it looks like to choose heroism over fear, true greatness over superficial power, love over lust and exploitation. Sick of the alternative, teenage girls from New Zealand to Japan to the United States are latching on with the thirst of a vampire. Against all odds, they believe that love really does conquer all.

They’re right. By choosing ahava again and again, we can create our own happy endings.

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About the Author

Braha Bender grew up in Jerusalem under the wing of many of the finest Jewish educators in the world including Rabbi Lawrence Kelemen. Marrying a rabbinical student forced her to develop a career and get her writing skills off of email and into the world. Today Braha freelances as a writer, editor and translator for a diverse international clientele. In between, she adores her 3-year-old and shmoozes endlessly with her best friend, Yonasan, who also happens to be her husband.

Visitor Comments: 21

I really thought the love story was well treated and beautiful though of course, it was a little on the corny side. It was such a breath of fresh air to have a hero who could act like a gentleman!

(13)
Edward,
April 17, 2014 9:30 AM

Edward The Great

I can see what the Marxists have done here to smear my name. Don't ever think that you are better than everyone else if in your "virtues" you lack integrity. This is what holds the Dorian's together.

For all time we will hold our national identity because it's in our blood and when the time comes, the dormant supressed spirit will know what to do.

Like I said, a personal insult that hasn't gone unnoticed.The reason they still suffer is because the "romantic-fallacy" has been executed well and they want to believe that "those" aren't "out to get them". It's love and virtues that will always reveal the true natures of all nations of the world..

(12)
Teenage girl,
December 18, 2011 4:32 AM

Back again with a warning

I find him bitterly ironic people would encourage young girls to read this on the grounds it's a good book for young girls. Have you read the third book, in where Bella runs way from home with Edward and Jacob? It's so cold, Bella may freeze to death, so the solution the boys decide upon is that she must sleep with Jacob. Indeed, in the same sleeping bag, which Edward blithley permits. In the next chapter, Jacob attempts to force himself on Bella. The originial vampires were metaphors for the supressed sexuality of the Victorian age, and many were thinly veiled metaphors for sodomy. Werewolves were used in mideval Europe to explain the concept of serial killers. Disturbing? Without a doubt, and yet Twilight is passed off as decent literature. case be? “His eyes burned with sincerity for a protracted moment—playing havoc with the rhythm of my heart—and then turned playful" I have little doubt a sentence like this would give any decent english teacher a heart attack.
What, to sum up, does this show impressonable readers?
1) Romance is ALL physical. Rare do they rave about something not related to the love of thier lfe's eyes, hair, skin, "scent" (remarkably predatory)
2) This rubbish is passed about as good writing. I shall applaud anyone who can make sense of the above sentence.
I do not mean to be rude. Perhaps this book is good for goyish girls with its message of waiting unitl marriage, but it's quite a bad idea for jewish girls. Isn't it somewhat foolish, with our determination to protect us young girls, but expose us to shmutz? I saw what happened to my friends. One was so repulsed by what happened in the last she looked physically ill. You may disagree, but please consider before handing the books over to your delighted daughter.

Montana,
February 8, 2015 5:07 AM

Well would you want the love of your life to freeze to death? Get real! And though you may call it schmutz, it sounds like you've read all three books.

(11)
Lena Shore,
December 10, 2011 6:31 PM

Love and the Vampire

My first vampire movie had a very pale, caped figure with fangs and shifty eyes seducing beautiful women. He would even tell them "I want to suck your blood", and they would simply swoon. I couldn't imagne what made them so stupid. This fascination with vampires is centuries old. We tried to kill them with stakes in the hear;repel them with garlic'test them with mirror. And now, they are back in a much more sympathetic and relatable form. Edward feels he is a monster without a soul. Bella has complete faith in him. She sees the good in him, she is able to help him to believe in himself. He protects her from all the evil guys; he is also an honourable gentleman and never takes advantage of Bella. Now, tell me what girl wouldn't love that? Bella shows a quiet strenght throughout the entire series whether it's defending her Dad or protecting her unborn child. She knows what she wants, she is not stuck of herself and she gives to those she cares about with a passion. We might wonder what happened to those original vampires, they were real evil guys. The vampires here are more complex and like the writer of this ariticle says have the ability to transcend and overcome their most base desires. No garlic needed here.

Braha (author),
December 11, 2011 9:43 AM

Team Edward :)

Well, thank you! Someone who is Team Edward, finally! And who doesn't take these things too seriously! :)

A.E.,
December 16, 2011 3:02 AM

??

"She knows what she wants" is not a phrase I would ever think of to describe Bella.

(10)
A. E.,
November 27, 2011 11:55 PM

Not a Love Story

I have to disagree with your statement that this series is about love. Relationships, maybe, but not love. The relationship between Bella and Edward so horrified me that I could not finish the series. What Bella thinks of as love in no way aligns with how Judaism defines love.
She is needy, dependent, and a regular bowl of mush, feeling that she is nobody without Edward to give her an identity. He wants to drink her blood, the scent of which he finds maddeningly attractive.
Does that sound like a healthy relationship? At one point Bella states, "Jacob is like my air and sunshine; Edward is like the drugs I crave. How could I choose between them?" (this is a paraphrase, the exact words escape me but that was the comparison she made.)
To compare this series to Harry Potter in terms of the values and morals that it teaches young readers (or any readers) is frankly offensive. To quote Andrew Futral:
“Harry Potter is about confronting fears, finding inner strength, and doing what is right in the face of adversity. Twilight is about how important it is to have a boyfriend.”
(All this is aside form the abysmal quality of writing.)

(9)
Tseruyah,
November 16, 2011 3:46 PM

Not Appropriate for Pre-Teens

I respectfully disagree with the stance that Twilight has deep insights to convey to our teen girls regarding love. They may possibly learn something positive about love but they will also be putting a lot of trash in their heads, as well. (Edward's family deals with one threat to Bella by tearing off the rival vampire's limbs and head and burning his body parts.)
I suggest that the appetite for the romantic thrill of the gothic love story is so ingrained in the Western female psyche that even an Observant Jewish woman can be captivated by it and rationalize its consumption by Jewish girls because she sees parallels in what we are taught about ahava.
The Twilight "saga" substitutes vampiric bloodlust for the run-of-the-mill salaciousness we normally find in adult film and literature. The first film was threatening, violent, bloody, filled with predatory sexual undertones and it is all couched in a carefully packaged world of teenaged love-drama.
This is certainly NOT how we should be introducing our daughters to their sexuality and their understanding of what they can hope to expect from love/ahava. IMO, this series of books and films are not fit for the minds and hearts of our pre-teens.

Ann,
November 18, 2011 3:52 PM

Living Under a Rock (or rather a shield)

As some one who grew up with a TV I was fortunate enough to realize that it was damaging and was determined not to have one in my home. Although I do have contact with girls aged 9 to 19 (having 3 daughters in that age group) I had not heard of the Twilight saga until last week and my girls (having no internet access) have never heard of it. Neither have their friends, because I made sure to move to a community where no one owns a TV.
You are so right Tseruyah, there cannot be enough positive in TV watching to out way the negative. Since R' Keleman was referenced, anyone who would like to read further on thisshould look at what he says regarding TV in his book "To Kindle A Soul"
I understand that not everyone can move, but the idea is to surround yourself with like minded people to support your efforts. Plan for success and you will be successful.

(8)
Rivka Deutsch,
November 16, 2011 2:17 PM

I want to be Bella too - but you can keep Edward!

Its so obvious why everyone loves this story - its the ultimate materialistic dream come true. Bella has the opportunity to be forever young and beautiful, rich, and powerful. All she has to do is give up her afterlife (disconnect from her soul/relationship with God). For Bella, and most young people today, this is an easy decision (with or without a guaranteed forever faithful lover thrown in)! If this were a true story, people would be lining up outside the Cullen's door begging for a bite. But really, I loved the books too. They were also very well written.

(7)
Luz Ma Villela,
November 16, 2011 3:14 AM

It is a wonderful love story!

I´m not a teenager. I´m 57 years old. And I loved this Saga. It shows us all, young and old, love, the powerful one is still possible. Even in today's cynical society. Love that makes you drop every irrational convention. I was hooked by the story, and its depth. And so are some of my students. I´m an English teacher, I recomend the Saga to them, so they read well-written English, too.

A student,
November 18, 2011 2:57 AM

I disagree with Luz Ma Villela

I agree that it was a well written book, but only in a way that captures the reader to keep reading because it sucks (pardon the pun) you in.
As a student, though, I absolutely disagree that you should be recomending it to other students as an example of well-written english (besides for the fact that I think it a totally inappropriate book whatsoever for teens for the reasons mentioned by other responders).
As a matter of fact, MY English teacher specifically said Twilight is NOT a good example of something well-written and that we should not write that way unless you are writing your own book or want to do some creative writing. Though, as an English teacher who teaches how to write better-written essays, she said that is definitely not a book to use as something to base off of. It is a very CASUALLY written book. No essay or formaly written anything should be written that way. Twilight is written in language that out generation can relate to, and that's why it's so popular, not because it's written well.

Anonymous,
November 22, 2011 7:02 PM

you need to check your grammar, spelling, and punctuation

Learn to write well before you criticize others.

(6)
Anonymous,
November 15, 2011 6:37 PM

Not a teenage girl

OK, I'll bite (ha ha) ... how could anybody in any even minimally observant Jewish household become captivated by a book or movie or TV series or any other aspect of a cultural craze based on eating blood???

(5)
Braha Bender (Author),
November 15, 2011 6:20 PM

Author's Response

Dear Teenage Girl and Another Teenage Girl,
First of all, I'm so glad that my article is provoking this kind of discussion. Good for you for being empowered, thinking young women! Knowing that there are girls like you out there makes me want to cheer.
Secondly, your points are all valid. Like many books, the Twilight series can be interpreted in a number of ways. Some people look at the character of Bella as a weak personality and dangerous role model. Others look at the character as an example of quiet individuality and strength. Personally, I am not committed to either stance.
I was not intending to idolize Twilight as the Jewish ideal. However, Twilight is a pretty far cry from, say, Friends With Benefits. (I never saw the movie, but with a title like that nobody has to.) As flawed as the Twilight canon is, it is still fundamentally the story of two people who try to do the best that they can for each other and who cement that loving commitment with marriage. It's a story that tells readers that love and decency are worth fighting for. That's a very unusual message for today's mainstream, popular media.
Does Twilight have a lot of other, less valuable messages? Sure it does. It wasn't written by G-d. It's just a series of novels. Nonetheless, I'm glad that a whole lot of girls today are waiting for their "Edward" instead of their next hook-up.
With Admiration,
Braha
P.S. Team Jacob, eh?

(4)
Anonymous,
November 15, 2011 4:05 PM

a total midunderstanding

I think , you people totally misunderstand the story. It is like you can see only what is given to you on the plate and nothing else. Moreover , I am almost sure none of you have acutally read the book , so.... It is not the book that makes the girls crazy , it is the things around them in their daily life. It how people behave around them , it what people say. And people really do crazy stuff these days...... It is not the book that creates problems and the society. I going to the movie theatre this Friday and I am going to enjoy the show. Sad you have not read the book, it is so much better. A Vampire is a fantasy , a fantasy that poeple love because they cannot find what stands behind it so easy in their real life, sometimes they cannot find it at all. Enjoy this life. Hashem gave it to us for reason .

Teenage girl,
November 15, 2011 10:32 PM

Ahem

To Anonymus- I DID read the book. i watched my friends go mad over goyish men (who if you read the talibloids, have quite sorid personal lives- the 'chaste' edward especially) I read and watched enough. This is not something to show young, impresonable girls with healthy hormones.

(3)
Another Teenage Girl,
November 15, 2011 8:52 AM

twilight definitely does NOT show what true love is, but definitely DOES mess up girls.

I agree w/ Teenage Girl. This book is messing up girls of this generation. They begin to think that this is what they really want - a creep (although I doubt they realize it) who makes them feel "loved". This whole series feeds girl's desires of what they wish they could do pr feel because they know it's inappropriate (I'm especially talking about the frum girls who know they'll never experience such a thing). They start dreaming and thinking and obsessing over such shmutz, yet sadly they don't realize or don't want to realize that it's not good for them. This is totally corrupting girls' expectations of what should be normal. And what about when the get married? or start dating? Are they going to be wishing that they could be in a huge Twilight-like drama? Poor boys to have such a messed up generation of girls to marry and expect them to be the most romantic hero-type man in the world.
I actually once heard a peer of mine say she wished her life could be like a movie - all dramatic with boys fighting over her because it's so exciting.... It's sick. THIS is what Twilight is doing to our generation.
I actually only read parts of the books (although siblings and friends have read it and told me the whole story), and I know it's written to suck you in. It does a good job of it, but truthfully, in the end I felt empty. Did I gain a THING from reading it? No.
I'm proud to say I haven't seem the movies. It scares me that what is already so captivating in the books can be seen by my eyes and then I'd have the picture of it forever in my mind.
Rabbi Wallerstien said once in a shiur that a girl has to be so careful of what she watches (movie-wise) because if she starts to think of the man in the movie while she is with her husband, their child can end up with the neshama of a mamzer (chas v'shalom). I think Twilight is the epitome of what R' Wallerstien was talking about. As I mentioned earlier, Girls start to imagine themselves in place of Bella.
So terrible.

(2)
M,
November 14, 2011 8:45 PM

Definitely NOT a good role model

Bella and Edward are not good role models. The book is about lust, not love. Bella shows that you need a guy to be happy.

(1)
Teenage girl,
November 13, 2011 5:36 PM

the OTHER messages

You praise the book for its positive messages...but what about the other messages I, a teengae girl, recieved?
1) Edward emotionally abuses Bella. This is one of the aliment of dating abuse: he hurts her and puts her life in jepordy...but she always returns to him because he's her "True love"
2) never once did i hear them discuss the good things about each with the good things being things other than thier looks and her "smell". Thats not love, thats obsessive lust.
3) they wait until marriage for the foolish reasons. their kisses are VERY intense...they're quite willing to not wait, if you read her thoughts...
4) bella is a TERRIBLE role model. she throws away academics, social life, a future healthy life- college, etc and devotes herself completley to the emotionaly unstable edward, even coming to the point where she attempts suicide. More than once. She is the willing slave of edward, simply because of his charm.
We young girls are told there is a prince charming to devote ourselves to, let him do whatever he wants to us in hope of feeling "loved'. We should be aware a proper relationship is bases on mutual trust, admiration, respect, et cetera. thier relationship has none of these things. If this toxic relationship were real, it would have a terrible ending.

I just got married and have an important question: Can we eat rice on Passover? My wife grew up eating it, and I did not. Is this just a matter of family tradition?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

The Torah instructs a Jew not to eat (or even possess) chametz all seven days of Passover (Exodus 13:3). "Chametz" is defined as any of the five grains (wheat, spelt, barley, oats, and rye) that came into contact with water for more than 18 minutes. Chametz is a serious Torah prohibition, and for that reason we take extra protective measures on Passover to prevent any mistakes.

Hence the category of food called "kitniyot" (sometimes referred to generically as "legumes"). This includes rice, corn, soy beans, string beans, peas, lentils, peanuts, mustard, sesame seeds and poppy seeds. Even though kitniyot cannot technically become chametz, Ashkenazi Jews do not eat them on Passover. Why?

Products of kitniyot often appear like chametz products. For example, it can be hard to distinguish between rice flour (kitniyot) and wheat flour (chametz). Also, chametz grains may become inadvertently mixed together with kitniyot. Therefore, to prevent confusion, all kitniyot were prohibited.

In Jewish law, there is one important distinction between chametz and kitniyot. During Passover, it is forbidden to even have chametz in one's possession (hence the custom of "selling chametz"). Whereas it is permitted to own kitniyot during Passover and even to use it - not for eating - but for things like baby powder which contains cornstarch. Similarly, someone who is sick is allowed to take medicine containing kitniyot.

What about derivatives of kitniyot - e.g. corn oil, peanut oil, etc? This is a difference of opinion. Many will use kitniyot-based oils on Passover, while others are strict and only use olive or walnut oil.

Finally, there is one product called "quinoa" (pronounced "ken-wah" or "kin-o-ah") that is permitted on Passover even for Ashkenazim. Although it resembles a grain, it is technically a grass, and was never included in the prohibition against kitniyot. It is prepared like rice and has a very high protein content. (It's excellent in "cholent" stew!) In the United States and elsewhere, mainstream kosher supervision agencies certify it "Kosher for Passover" -- look for the label.

Interestingly, the Sefardi Jewish community does not have a prohibition against kitniyot. This creates the strange situation, for example, where one family could be eating rice on Passover - when their neighbors will not. So am I going to guess here that you are Ashkenazi and your wife is Sefardi. Am I right?

Yahrtzeit of Rabbi Moses ben Nachman (1194-1270), known as Nachmanides, and by the acronym of his name, Ramban. Born in Spain, he was a physician by trade, but was best-known for authoring brilliant commentaries on the Bible, Talmud, and philosophy. In 1263, King James of Spain authorized a disputation (religious debate) between Nachmanides and a Jewish convert to Christianity, Pablo Christiani. Nachmanides reluctantly agreed to take part, only after being assured by the king that he would have full freedom of expression. Nachmanides won the debate, which earned the king's respect and a prize of 300 gold coins. But this incensed the Church: Nachmanides was charged with blasphemy and he was forced to flee Spain. So at age 72, Nachmanides moved to Jerusalem. He was struck by the desolation in the Holy City -- there were so few Jews that he could not even find a minyan to pray. Nachmanides immediately set about rebuilding the Jewish community. The Ramban Synagogue stands today in Jerusalem's Old City, a living testimony to his efforts.

It's easy to be intimidated by mean people. See through their mask. Underneath is an insecure and unhappy person. They are alienated from others because they are alienated from themselves.

Have compassion for them. Not pity, not condemning, not fear, but compassion. Feel for their suffering. Identify with their core humanity. You might be able to influence them for the good. You might not. Either way your compassion frees you from their destructiveness. And if you would like to help them change, compassion gives you a chance to succeed.

It is the nature of a person to be influenced by his fellows and comrades (Rambam, Hil. De'os 6:1).

We can never escape the influence of our environment. Our life-style impacts upon us and, as if by osmosis, penetrates our skin and becomes part of us.

Our environment today is thoroughly computerized. Computer intelligence is no longer a science-fiction fantasy, but an everyday occurrence. Some computers can even carry out complete interviews. The computer asks questions, receives answers, interprets these answers, and uses its newly acquired information to ask new questions.

Still, while computers may be able to think, they cannot feel. The uniqueness of human beings is therefore no longer in their intellect, but in their emotions.

We must be extremely careful not to allow ourselves to become human computers that are devoid of feelings. Our culture is in danger of losing this essential aspect of humanity, remaining only with intellect. Because we communicate so much with unfeeling computers, we are in danger of becoming disconnected from our own feelings and oblivious to the feelings of others.

As we check in at our jobs, and the computer on our desk greets us with, "Good morning, Mr. Smith. Today is Wednesday, and here is the agenda for today," let us remember that this machine may indeed be brilliant, but it cannot laugh or cry. It cannot be happy if we succeed, or sad if we fail.

Today I shall...

try to remain a human being in every way - by keeping in touch with my own feelings and being sensitive to the feelings of others.

With stories and insights,
Rabbi Twerski's new book Twerski on Machzor makes Rosh Hashanah prayers more meaningful. Click here to order...