I'll be your best friend, we can go get ice cream together, sit in my van and offer people free wifi together! It will be fun! And if we wanna go old fashioned, we can go to the park and offer kids candy! And the best part, you won't be grounded anymore!

I'll be your internet friend :D
My interests are talking sh!t about awful parents who abuse their parental right to punish a person for being who they are (not everyone needs to have lots of irl friends, I only have one, and she's a friend for life), and video games!

And because that'll totally help you get friends? By grounding you? For some people it's not their fault they don't have friends. People are assholes , so I don't blame you op if you didn't have friends because of asshole people.