Marriage

No matter how hard this material world may try, it will never ever be perfect. Even if you fly first-class, you may have a person snoring nearby, spoiling your serenity. Even if you install the best bathroom fittings, they cannot give you water when the municipality decides to cut-off the mains. Even if the best of food is prepared, you don’t always have the appetite for it, and so on.

The point is that nothing in this material world will be perfect. Rather, you win some and you lose some. Everything will have its pros and cons. The trick is to avoid the cons while enjoying the pros. For example, if a person is stuck with a chipped mug, then instead of cutting his lip over and over on the chipped portion, he will turn the mug the other way and drink from the intact portion. Similarly, if he has a couch that is sagging on one side, then instead of collapsing into the sagging section, he will avoid it and sit on the other side.

The same applies in marriage. No spouse is going to be perfect. If he’s wealthy then maybe he’s ill-mannered, and if he possesses good character then perhaps he’s lazy. Hence, we should never walk into a marriage expecting to find our ‘Mr. Perfect’, as he will only turn up in Jannah.

“The kids are driving me up the wall!”... “I’ve got the most terrible migraine! It feels as if my head is splitting!”...

We all have our portion of problems in life. Whether it’s a toddler with a tantrum, unreasonable in-laws or nosy neighbours, peoples’ problems and challenges span all spheres of life. Moreover, problems do not make an appointment or give us ‘advance notice’ before stopping by – they arrive out of the blue and stay as long as they wish.

Being human, it is natural for us to be emotionally affected by circumstances. Depending on the nature of the problem, we may feel depressed, angered or even humiliated. In some instances, we may turn to someone and confide in them to seek advice. However, in other instances, many of us turn to our husbands and complain to them in order to ‘off-load’ and receive some sympathy.

The respected daughter of ‘Aarif Billah Moulana Shah Hakeem Muhammed Akhtar (rahimahullah) had always harboured the desire and longing to perform ‘umrah at least once with her father. Accordingly, Moulana Shah Hakeem Muhammed Akhtar (rahimahullah) decided to perform ‘umrah, but was thereafter forced to postpone the trip on account of his illness and weakness.

The respected daughter of Moulana Shah Hakeem Muhammed Akhtar (rahimahullah) was naturally disappointed that she would not be able to perform ‘umrah with her father. Nevertheless, her husband, Manzar Mia, decided that they would proceed with the trip.

Imagine confiding in your best friend and revealing your deepest, darkest secret to her. However, to your utter dismay and horror, she then proceeds to broadcast your secret to all of society! How would you feel and what would your reaction be?

In all probability, you would feel mortified (extremely embarrassed) and would regard your ‘friend’ to be a backstabber. You would never again trust her and would be reluctant to even remain friends with her.

In this regard, one of the most important and serious secrets and trusts which should never ever be betrayed or revealed is the secret and trust of “bedroom secrets”.

Abu Sa‘eed Khudri (radhiyallahu ‘anhu) reports that Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) said, “Indeed the greatest (betrayal of a) trust and secret in the sight of Allah Ta‘ala on the Day of Qiyaamah is (the betrayal) of a man who is intimate with his wife, and she is intimate with him, and he thereafter reveals her secret.” (Saheeh Muslim #3543)

Any intelligent person undertaking a very long journey – through a route which he has not travelled before – will ensure that he makes adequate preparations before he departs. He will seek advice and directions and will make enquiries regarding the road and what to expect. After making all the appropriate preparations and taking all the necessary advice and directions, he will most likely carry a GPS to guide him along the way and prevent him from taking any wrong turns.

Marriage is also a journey. However, the journey of marriage is meant to last a lifetime. It takes one through different terrains and past various sceneries. While it may generally be smooth sailing, like a luxury car on an open freeway, there are sometimes the odd and unexpected gravel patches. While the route may mainly usher one past gardens, rivers, waterfalls and rolling seas, it does also sometimes lead one through dry and quiet deserts. If the traveller keeps his eye on the road and focuses on his destination, he will insha-Allah safely pass through all the hills and valleys as well as gardens and deserts.