Thank you! My weekend was ok until my 18yo and 16yo got home from work. They were past my curfew for them, so that set the tone. Then it just progressed from there. I had my 16yo go to bed, but my 18yo and I continued on. She basically said that she was hurt that I ended up staying the night with my NG on her dad's birthday. We'll talk more about it today.

If you are like me, you try and consider all peoples needs, your's, NG's and your kids. I find it one of the hardest things to do to find the right balance and whenever there's an emotional time it is accented. Christmas was a blowout for my 19 yr old as I didn't seem to find the right balance of alone time and blended time. ( mind you,I think there was more then just that going on in his world that caused the blowout)

Klim, we did talk more about it today. I'll definitely do things differently this coming weekend since a Sunday is my LH's death date. I guess we just viewed the situation differently. It is hard to balance it all out. Especially since we all grieve differently.

I took my 10yo to my LH's favorite restaurant for dinner tonight. Her sisters were working. Afterwards we stopped by my NG's house to drop off something I picked up in the store for him. He invited us in to play pinball. We had a great time. I texted him when I got home. Then said goodnight. He called because he wanted to say he had a great time and we should do that more often. He also told me he likes hearing my voice right before he falls asleep. Aw... ☺

Virgo and klim -- totally feel for you both with the transition period. In my case, my son had a minor meltdown after meeting BF for the first time. He got over it and to this day I don't know exactly what the issue was for him. My LH was not his birth father but was the only dad he knew. My son did not live at home when LH died. He has not lived under the same roof with me for more than three years, but since he did something a bit shady (not to me or BF) that day and got caught (I think I shared that story in this thread), he was embarrassed and that's how it came out. The bigger issue has been my LH's daughter. She is still mourning the loss of her dad, who she wasn't close to. That's a whole 'nother story, but suffice it to say, I think it's guilt showing now that he's gone. She doesn't live here as I've mentioned and I've managed to keep my distance. I have not told her that I have BF. I am thinking about whether I will let her know it or if I will let her find out whenever she does, like if something comes up on social media. BF and I are private people, not putting it out there for the world to know that we are in a relationship, so I am leaning toward not saying a word. She is a grown woman and my personal affairs are not her business, but I respect her feelings as best I can because of her dad. I am sure she will have feelings about it, but my mourning is different from the wife-who-was-here (through the worst of illness and so on) than the distant-daughter perspective ...

I hope you are not sick either Virgo -- stress certainly can bring on illnesses because of a vulnerable immune system at such times. If you can tolerate zinc, get some! And drink hot pineapple juice to fight coughs!

I pray this weekend is one of love and peace as you spend it the way your heart leads.

This brings up an interesting point about how differently we all grieve -- for how long, and so on -- which is very much a journey. I think people didn't get my reaction to my LH's death but that's because they weren't privy to the conversations we had around that possibly and who were not there during the hardest health challenges. I grieved as LH declined so by the time he crossed over, I was in a different place. Sure I cried and had many moments. But they were private, just like my life with LH.

That said, I am so grateful for these spaces. I found widda a couple months after he died and am still awed by the care and wisdom I find regularly in this community. So grateful for you all who also have walked this path.

Virgo, hope you stay healthy! I'm on the other side of the flu bug and wow, don't wish that on anybody. I'm a believer in zinc too. Wishing a weekend with some peaceful moments for you and your children. It is a hard balance, my children tend to not show their grief and during the holidays together we placed a small wreath at the gravesite, their idea.

Arneal- it is very interesting how differently we all grieve. I can understand where you're coming from too. My mom had ALS. I mourned for 7 years as the disease progresses. My LH was diagnosed and was gone 4 months later. Something else I've noticed over the years is that people feel widows and widowers grief is somehow less because our relationship is the only one "replaceable. " It's not though. They can't be replaced.

Trying, that's nice that they wanted to place a wreath at his grave. My daughters and I haven't been to his grave since the funeral. I've been waiting for them to ask to go. My girls grief is always heightened around holidays and other significant dates.

Thanks for the well wishes. I actually drink pineapple juice daily and I took an antihistamine last night. That usually helps me.

My weekend is going good, but I've been over thinking a lot.I'm not sure if it's the significant dates or my relationship though. Yesterday I was asked out by two guys I dated before. Obviously they didn't step up before, so why am I even thinking about them? It just goes back to self sabotage I think. I can feel myself getting closer to my NG and it's scary. I think holding on to other guys is my way of guarding myself from getting hurt. Then I think a break up wouldn't even compare to losing my husband, so take the leap. I did tell those guys I was dating someone. Anyway, sorry for my rambling. Today is the 4 year sadiversary. The weekend has been working out as planned. My NG is very understanding and supportive.