my ex called the cops on me because i flipped out and called her up to vent and apparently that means i was about to spray my drawing class with an uzi or something so i told her to go **** herself and she ate a bunch of pills and had to get her stomach pumped

snitches get emotional stitches, bitches

"No, Mama. You can bet your sweet ass and half a titty whoever put that hit on you already got the cops in their back pocket." ~Black Dynamite

Hi peeps. Familiar faces here so I guess I'll chime in. The chicks I've had were all @$$ holes. The 3 most recent in descending order:

Ex woman 1: Said she didn't want a loser with no job. So she came to me. The first 4 months seemed great, blah blah blah. Then found out her horrendous credit history and she was bankrupt. Wanted someone with a job? OH right, about that: she had trouble getting a job because she had been fired 4 times in 2 years.

Ex 2: Doomed from the start. Old high school "groupie" from when I played electric bass. Several years later. Saw her again at an irish pub bar. Happy to see each other. Started dating. Loved leeching internet for free. Found out she ran the local adult novelties store. Told her if she wanted to F*** around that's fine, not the jealous type but don't be surprised when I start doing the same. She got all blustery and went to great lengths to "prove" she "wasn't like that". I caught her with one of my homies a few days later. I changed the wireless internet password. She left 2 days after. With my ethernet connector and all the wireless cards. And all my sodas.

Ex 3: Easy amazon. Straight up honest about it. Best one in the sack I ever had. Liked to get blitzed and drunk. Only wanted me to take her out to pizza once and go hot tubbing once. Wore me out for 2 weeks. Moved on without incident when she ran out of money to stay at her apartment.

Well the girl of my dreams turned me down today...should've seen that one coming. It's becoming more and more apparent that I'm dead set for a future of being George Costanza with a lot less women and just a little bit more hair.

Well, "Jae", if your President can be a Kenyan Muslim Communist I don't see why your forum can't allow "A$$ Hole spambots". Anyone? Anyone here? Oh help me here, anyone? Can you say "Double standards"? No? Here, let me spell it out for you on my board here. D-O-U-B-L-E S-T-A-N-D-E-R-D-S. Oh wait, what's that? I got the spelling wrong? Oh my gosh! I did! Now that wouldn't have anything to do with the education system our president has got going here, now would it? I certainly don't think so, no sirreee. Phweesh. To think of it.

Now, on a more serious note, because all of you need to- deserve to hear this. I am an American. I am proud of that. I don't- can't watch my country be bled like the way it is by the current administration. I just can't. I love my country, I am a patriot. Now I don't care what your political affiliation is, what you do or how much you love this country, but if you think that justice, if the goals of our founding fathers are to be met, then we must do something to impeach the man who sits there.

That's all I think. That's it. Sorry America, I just- tears just come out for me on matters like this. I can't help it. I love America too much, it's my fault.

edit: It's even easier to pass as English IRL. Funny part is they all think they have a 'perfect' imitation of an American accent. None I've met do. 3 years at uni of being asked to try various English accents, and laughed at when I did them wrong, got me pretty good at various ones from Southern England. I'm still **** at faking a northern accent... but who would want to do something like that anyway?

Beavis: Heheh-heh. Y'know, it all kinda evens out in the end.
Butt-Head: Uh-huhuhuh-huhuh. Yeah. The rear end.

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edit: It's even easier to pass as English IRL. Funny part is they all think they have a 'perfect' imitation of an American accent. None I've met do.

What about Dr. House? For a non-american I don't think I have heard him half-ass or screw up an American (west coast) accent even once on his show.

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3 years at uni of being asked to try various English accents, and laughed at when I did them wrong, got me pretty good at various ones from Southern England. I'm still **** at faking a northern accent... but who would want to do something like that anyway?

Don't know about English accents, but one time I did a hillbilly redneck accent talking about all manner of vile things over the phone. A friend had a freeloader living with her and we were trying to figure out a way to shoo her out.
I sounded like a cross between Adam Sandler's redneck voice on "hot water burn baby" and Billy Bob/Bartender veteran friend of Tom Anderson.
Billy Bob driving by @ 3:22

YouTube Video

To get rid of the freeloading woman I was pretending like the other guy coming over there to oust her was a retired narc officer (my father with his mullet and then bum knee from a gunshot injury) who needed a place to stay. Story was he couldn't afford hotels, and couldn't stay over at my place b/c the wife's colon was kicking up again and the last party with sheep and horses left the place a wreck while she was gone. But I was happy to bring the cow over to wherever he was staying.

The story worked, and crazy events precipitated afterwards worked. The lady packed up and left that night.

We'll murder them all, amid laughter and merriment...except for the few we take home to experiment!