Venezia: The quest to cook the perfect turkey

Fry, roast, or smoke it, seems everywhere I turn this past week people are talking turkey as Thanksgiving nears.

But cooking the perfect turkey eluded me for years.

Not one who loves to cook, I've had some interesting experiences with this fowl.

My first turkey either didn't come with instructions or I missed them. I had no idea there was stuff inside this bird that should've been removed before cooking. Needless to say the outcome wasn't good.

I wasn't going to make the same mistake on my next attempt. But sticking my hand inside the turkey kind of grossed me out.

Who wants that stuff in your nails and jewelry?

So I donned a pair of yellow Playtex Living Gloves - called them my "cooking gloves" - and dug away.

Some readers may remember the comedy cooking show I did with John Crean - At Home on the Range. I used cooking gloves on every episode.

Fans thought the gloves were just a comedy gimmick. Not at all, to this day I never touch meat without rubber gloves.

Over the years people sent me gloves adorned with crystals and bows - all sorts of decorative embellishments.

Making homemade dog food on the show, I lost a large jewel from a glove in the meat mix. Crean didn't think it would hurt the dog, so we carried on.

"Eventually it'll all come out in the end," he said.

The gloves became my trademark.

But cooking gloves aside, my next turkey didn't turn out much better.

Since math was never my strong point, figuring out how long to cook the turkey based on poundage was daunting.

I guessed, and apparently guessed wrong.

So that year as I sliced semi-raw turkey, I took each plate and popped it in the microwave before bringing it to the table.

I then invested in a meat thermometer. Problem here was I really should've paid better attention to that thing. Time flew by and my turkey was over cooked and dry.

I watched guests chew laboriously. As they struggled to swallow, they smiled, trying not to hurt my feelings.

But being on a cooking show did change things for me.

In the mid 1990's At Home on the Range landed a weekly segment on ABC's Home Show.

Our show was mostly taped live from Crean's garage on Wednesday mornings. But one Thanksgiving the Home Show producers invited us to the studios in Burbank. They even referred to us as part of the Home Show family.

If every family has dysfunctional members, Crean and I were theirs.

Each cast member was asked to bring a dish for the Thanksgiving segment and discuss their recipe. They all had touching family traditional stories behind them.

Not ours.

When it came to our turn, Crean explained that we had stopped at Ralphs, bought a pumpkin pie and a can of Reddi-Wip instant whipped cream.

It was live TV - with a 10-second delay - but whoever was manning that switch didn't hit it fast enough.

As I squirted Reddi-Wip on the pie, I also squirted some in my mouth and Crean's. We thought it was funny - the network didn't.

There we were big smiles full of Reddi-Wip and the rest of the cast with shocked looks on their faces. I could see the director frantically giving the sign to cut to commercial.

But bad manners aside, the turkey on the segment tasted amazing.

The food stylist on the Home Show was a gal named Joy Shefter. Though other members of the show weren't crazy about us, she was and I adored her.

She told me the trick to making the perfect turkey was to cook it breast side down. This is actually the opposite of what most people do.

From that day on I have taken my turkey, rubbed it all over with extra virgin light olive oil, and a little salt and pepper.

Breast side down in a large roasting pan, I cover it and bake it at 350 degrees – paying close attention to that meat thermometer.

I'm proud to say my turkey is always juicy and moist.

Over the years I've shared what Shefter taught me with friends who are always amazed at how delicious their turkeys turn out.

As far as stuffing, gravy and the rest of that Thanksgiving business, I suggest celebrating the holiday with folks who enjoy cooking and they can take it from there. That's what I do.