I recently was talking with a man who, years ago, converted to Orthodoxy after a lifetime of being a protestant.

He told me an old protestant joke that was ironically insightful (especially from an Orthodox perspective):

A protestant gets in a plane crash and ends up stuck on a deserted island. Years go by, and finally someone else gets stuck on the same island with him.

The protestant says: “Let me show you around.” Pointing to a small hut, he says: “That’s where I live.”

The visitor then notices two other huts nearby. “What are those huts for?”

The protestant replies: “Well this one is where I go to church, and that other one is where I USED to go to church.”

So sad, but good golly, so true!

Perhaps, ahem, SOME protestants are perpetually jumping from congregation to congregation because they don’t feel as if they are receiving the spiritual nourishment they need… failing to realize that perhaps the answer isn’t changing congregations/denominations, but going completely “outside of the box” and entering into communion with the One Holy Orthodox, Universal, Apostolic Church of Jesus Christ (Whom they already confess to be their Lord and Savior).

Praise God that Orthodoxy is the fastest growing Christian “denomination” in America!May more and more protestants continually realize that they are branches which have been severed from the One Tree, and will be willing to receive the healing of being fully grafted back into the One Body of Christ.

Logged

"Disputes merely about words must not be suffered to divide those who think alike."-St. Athanasius (†444)

A plane crashes on an island with two Catholics, two Orthodox and two Baptists. The Catholics make a hut called St. Mary's Catholic Church. The Orthodox make one called All Saints Orthodox Church. The Baptists make one called the First Baptist Church...and one called the Second Baptist Church.

Regarding the other part of your post, most protestants I know who have been exposed to Orthodoxy consider it "too Roman" to be legitimate.

I'd actually heard this variation: An Orthodox Christian crashes into a desert island. After a few years, someone else comes to the island and notices that the castaway has built two chapels. The castaway explains it this way. "This is the church I go to, and that is the church I'll never go to."

How many Episcopalians does it take to change a lightbulb? (a) Three: one to fix the drinks, one to serve the drinks, adn one to call the repairman. (b) Ten: 1 to change the lightbulb and 9 to ask why the old one had to be changed and what it shame it was.

How many Episcopalians does it take to change a lightbulb? (a) Three: one to fix the drinks, one to serve the drinks, adn one to call the repairman. (b) Ten: 1 to change the lightbulb and 9 to ask why the old one had to be changed and what it shame it was.

How many high church Anglicans does it take?

33:ThurifurCruciferTwo torchesAnother CruciferTwo Chalice bearersAn acolyte processing in with the new buib for blessingVergerDeaconTwo assisting priestsThe rectorTwenty voice choir of men and boys

Define high church in West Virginia.Two snakes.

A man in Topeka, Kansas decided to write a book about churches around the country. He started by flying to San Francisco and worked east from there. Going to a very large church, he began taking photographs and notes. He spotted a golden telephone on the vestibule wall and was intrigued with a sign which read: "$10,000 a minute." Seeking out the Pastor he asked about the phone and the sign. The Pastor answered that the golden phone was, in fact, a direct line to Heaven and if he paid the price he could talk directly to God. The man thanked the Pastor and continued on his way.

As he continued to visit churches in Seattle, San Diego, Greensboro, Tampa, Chicago and all around the United States, he found more phones with the same sign with the same answer from each Pastor.

Finally, he arrived in Texas. Upon entering a church in Dallas, behold, he saw the usual golden telephone. But THIS time, the sign read: "Calls: 35 cents." Fascinated, he asked to talk to the Pastor. "Reverend, I have been in cities all across the country and in each church I have found this golden telephone. I have been told it is a direct line to Heaven and that I could talk to God, but, in the other churches the cost was $10,000 a minute. Your sign reads 35 cents. Why?" The Pastor, smiling benignly, replied, "Son, you're in Texas now . . . it's a local call."

A line of people was formed up at the Pearly Gates, waiting to enter. St. Peter was checking their names off a clipboard. The next man stepped up and said, "Peter, I'm Jewish, can I still get in?"

St. Peter said, "Why, of course. We have a reciprocity agreement. Let me just check your records here . . . Uh oh. You know that BLT sandwich you had last week? The "B" is for bacon, and bacon is pork, and you know you're not allowed to eat pork. Sorry, come back later."

The next man steps up. "I'm Episcopalian, I can get in right away, can't I?" St. Peter says, "Naturally! Let me just check this over . . . Uh oh. That vestry dinner last week? You ate your salad with the fish fork."

How many Baptists do you take with you on a fishing trip?Two. If you take one, he'll drink all your beer; if you take two, neither will touch it.

Logged

Artillery adds dignity to what would otherwise be a vulgar brawl. ~Frederick the Great

A Catholic, an Episcoplaian, an Agnostic and a Baptist are sitting down to a baked trout for dinner.The Catholic cuts the head third of the fish and puts it on his plate saying: "The Pope is the head of the Church".The Episcopalian cuts the middle third and puts it on his plate saying: "The truth lies between two extremes."The Agnostic takes the tail third and puts it on his plate saying: "Only in the end shall we know the truth."The Baptist looks at the empty dish, picks up the bowl of melted butter and throws it over the other three saying: "I baptise you all!"

Logged

If you're living a happy life as a Christian, you're doing something wrong.

A Priest, a Southern Baptist preacher, and a Rabbi all served as chaplains to the students at the University of Tennessee in Knoxville . They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop.

One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that hard. A real challenge would be to preach to a bear. One thing led to another, and they decided to do an experiment. They would all go up to Gatlinburg & back into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it.

Seven days later, they all came together to discuss their experiences.

Father Flannery, who had his arm in a sling, was on crutches, and had various bandages on his body and limbs, went first. "Well," he said, "I went into the woods to find me a bear. And when I found him, I began to read to him from the Catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around. So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary, Mother of God, he became as gentle as a lamb. The Bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation."

Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, had one arm and both legs in casts, and had an IV drip. In his best fire-and-brimstone oratory, he claimed, "WELL, brothers, you KNOW that we don't sprinkle! I went out and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to my bear from God's HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we came to a creek. So I quickly DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus."

The Priest and the Reverend both looked down at Rabbi Goldberg, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IVs and monitors running in and out of him. He was in really bad shape.

The Rabbi looked up and said, "Looking back on it, circumcision may not have been the best way to start."

An Orthodox priest, a Protestant minister and a Jewish Rabbi are all fishing in a boat in a lake.

The priest looks around and says "We forgot the drinks." So he jumps out of the boat, runs across the water to the shore and runs across the water back with the drinks.

Some time passes by and the Protestant minister says "We forgot the sandwiches." So he, like the Orthodox priest, jumps out of the boat, runs across the water to the shore and runs back with the sandwiches.

The Jewish Rabbi thinks to himself "Hey, these two men of God could run on water, therefore I should be able to as well." So some time passes when he says "We forgot the fishing licenses." He jumps out of the boat and falls into the water! The Protestant minister looks to the Orthodox priest and says "I don't think he saw the rocks, do you?"

An Orthodox, a Methodist and a Roman Catholic all arrived at the pearly gates and were greeted there by St. Peter.

As they passed through the pearly gates they saw a great big wall. St. Peter said: "Shhhh!... You will have to be very quiet as we go past the wall." So, they were all very quiet as they passed the enclosure. After they had passed the enclosure they all wanted to know why they had to be so quiet. St. Peter said: "The Lutherans are in there and they think that they are the only ones here!"

« Last Edit: May 08, 2008, 09:41:06 AM by howdydave »

Logged

Dave

Recognition of the vastness of one's own ignorance is the first step on the road to true wisdom!

^Lutherans (especially Missouri synod Lutherans) tell that joke all the time (I used to be one) and the problem is that they don't treat it as a joke but as the way things really are (or, to them at least, should be).

Logged

I seek the truth by which no man was ever harmed--Marcus Aurelius

Those who do not read history are doomed to get their facts from Hollywood--Anonymous

Three boys are in the schoolyard bragging about their fathers. The first boy says, "My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50."

The second boy says, "That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100."

The third boy says, "I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon and it takes eight people to collect all the money!"

Logged

Excellence of character, then, is a state concerned with choice, lying in a mean relative to us, this being determined by reason and in the way in which the man of practical wisdom would determine it. Now it is a mean between two vices, that which depends on excess and that which depends on defect.