From the time we were young children, we were taught social skills in an effort to communicate effectively with others. Back in earlier times, cavemen had to focus on surviving the perils of the natural world, but today, as the human race has evolved and society has advanced, we must use our minds to strategize and survive the daily grind. Learning proper social skills in verbal, nonverbal and complex forms allows us to adequately face conflicts and ordeals that set the stage for how our lives progress.

Essentially, social skills are those skills that we employ to communicate in everyday society. We use them to market ourselves to others in the hopes of building a relationship, whether it be business, romantic or platonic. If you exhibit great social skills, you are more likely to exceed in your career and social life. Without this important life tool, you may find that you’re quite lonely; often devoid of contact with others, which could lead into depression and anxiety. It could also compound the inability to interact further with those around you.

Reasons to Address Social Skills

Frequently, common traits of shyness, or what is termed “social ineptitude” by therapists, are demonstrated at a very young age. If this isn’t addressed right away, the children may grow to find themselves isolated from other kids, lonely and could potentially open to developing social or mental disorders. Some of the disorders that seem to be helped by training in social skills are social avoidance disorders, depression and anxiety, personality disorders, developmental disorders, and those with an overall shy character. Though it seems that people with specific disorders are the ones most likely to undergo training, virtually anyone can benefit from social skills training.

Often times people will look into ways to improve social skills because their lacking skill set can interfere with their daily lives. They aren’t able to function particularly well in the workplace, are never able to advance and cannot seemingly get along with others in social situations. Were you ever at a party or social gathering where you decided to just stand in the corner and watch people because you didn’t feel like you could fit in with the rest of the group? This is just one example of social ineptitude. When employers or others see this, they are less likely to want to go out of their way to help you or spend time with you.

It is also worthwhile to note that there aren’t strict norms to social skills either. The nature of people’s relationships with one another varies between genders, geographic location, age, social status, and cultures. For example, in some cultures women are not to look men in the eye, talk too frequently or make direct eye contact. Once you get some general knowledge of social skills, though, it won’t be too difficult to adapt them to the situations as they are presented.

Basic Social Skills

As with anything we face in today’s world, there are many aspects to social skills that need to be addressed. Usually, these skills are broken down into three main categories: verbal, nonverbal and complex.

* Knowing when and how much to speak about yourself versus speaking about the other person or situation

* Keeping close-ended questions to a minimum

* Clarifying certain topics

* Taking initiative and speaking actively rather than passively

* Remaining positive throughout the conversation

* Showing appreciation with “thank you” and “you’re welcome”

When you connect with the other person verbally, he realizes that you are interested in the conversation and have an honest desire to gain something from the interaction.

As far as nonverbal communication is concerned, several examples for better social skills are:

* Looking clean and presentable

* Keeping an open stance and leaning into the other person slightly

* Smiling and nodding to show understanding

* Maintaining sufficient eye-contact

* Using active listening skills such as summarization and reflection

* Remaining relaxed during the engagement

* Making small gestures to gain interest and saying “yes” and “uh-huh” to show that you’re listening

With nonverbal communication, it is sometimes more difficult to tell what is trying to be conveyed. However, if you can recognize these forms of nonverbal interaction, you are one step closer to having good social skills.

There are also a group of interaction styles known as complex skills. These include:

* Building rapport with the other person through mirroring, reflecting and giving feedback

* Expressing empathy for how the other person may be feeling

* Handling conflicts or other problems appropriately and effectively

* Reading unspoken cues in social situations

While it may seem as if there is a ton of information to learn in order to develop adequate social skills, it is really not a daunting task. There are several resources available to help you if you wish to improve upon those skills you already possess. You can consult any teacher, therapist, counselor, life coach, self-help website, book, or other media source to help develop social skills.

Improving and Implementing Social Skills

Many people are unenthused about the prospect of trying to improve their social skills, but without them it is unlikely that you will score that dream job you’ve always wanted. If you are interested in taking a proactive role in improving your social skills, here are some ideas you can use when working on some of the tips listed in this article:

* Separate what you’re having difficulty learning into smaller issues.

* Begin working on the least difficult of the problems and attempt to master those. * Take care to work on one issue at a time. Don’t overwhelm yourself.

* If you are working with a counselor, ask that she use verbal instruction along with feedback and reinforcement to let you know what you’re doing right and what to keep working on.

* Use physical activities such as role-playing and modeling.

Many therapists and counselors also suggest journaling about what it is you’re working on and the various experiences you’ve had. This way, it is much easier to keep track of where you started and how well you’re progressing. It’s also positive reinforcement for you to see how far you have come in learning to develop better social skills.

While it is true that there are many forms of social skills and numerous ways to improve or build on them, one thing still remains clear throughout all of that: Sharing is caring. There is a quote by Anthony Robins that goes, “Some of the biggest challenges in relationships come from the fact that most people enter a relationship in order to get something: They’re trying to find someone who’s going to make them feel good. In reality, the only way a relationship will last is if you see your relationship as a place that you go to give, and not a place that you go to take.” When it comes to building social skills for use in everyday life, remember that others look to you for what you will contribute to the scene. Have fun building your social skills and get out there and enjoy your life!

Test Your Social Skills IQ

Communication is the key to social skills, but when communication breaks down, social ineptitude takes on a life of its own. As children we were taught that it's not OK to blurt out derogatory names just because someone has upset us. We're not supposed to throw tamper tantrums when we can't have what we want, that sharing is smiled upon, while pushing and shoving to be first in line is not. Find out just how savvy you are with this social skills quiz.