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It’s not often that a person enters your life and completely sweeps you off your feet within a matter of weeks. It’s even less rare that a football player does it (unless he plays for Baylor, in which case it only takes a matter of minutes followed by a few years of cover-up). But that’s what just happened between University of Wisconsin offensive lineman Jon Dietzen and me. The redheaded redshirt freshman is my new favorite player on the Badgers, in the Big Ten, and in all of Div. 1 — and it’s not even close.

Obviously I’m biased because I attended the university for which Jon Dietzen plays (go Badge), but how can you not love the guy? First off, check out the immaculate mullet he’s currently rocking.

Glorious. That’s not business in the front, party in the back; it’s party every way you look at it. It’s wild yet tame. Feathery without sacrificing form, like a bird that hits the weight room but also takes ballroom dancing classes. It is, to put it simply, perfect.

The kicker? He’s going to rock the mullet all season long. How do we know that? He swore that he would — on Harambe’s grave.

Now, I know what you’re thinking. “Jared, get a room dude. You in love with this guy or some shit?” The answer is yes. I do love Jon. I love him with every fiber of my being. But that’s not gay; it’s sports. And if you don’t understand that, then you clearly aren’t a sports fan. Simple as that.

Jared Borislow (né The DeVry Guy) is a writer and content manager for Total Frat Move and a 2015 graduate of the University of Wisconsin. He has been called the "Patron Saint of Butt Stuff" despite never having engaged in sexual activity of any nature until he turned 21, which he is still convinced is the minimum age at which you can legally have sex.