Thursday, November 18, 2010

People frequently stop me on the street and ask me me funny questions, such as, "You're really a writer?", or "Seriously, you actually make a living as a writer?", or, "What do you really do for a living?"

Yet others ask me, "You work for the Times? Isn't that like Lucy Ricardo working in a bomb factory?" To which I say, "At least someone is paying attention." Other times people ask me, "Does anyone ever notice that your entire so-called philosophy is less like a coherent outlook and more of an inchoate blob of what ever factoids conveniently flow by, postulating that ignorance makes people somehow morally superior while supporting the destruction of educational equality?" To which I say: "Balls."

Golly jeepers no! Many of the psychologists, artists and moral philosophers I know are liberal, so it seems strange that American liberalism should adopt an economic philosophy that excludes psychology, emotion and morality. Isn't that WEIRD? Perhaps Andy Warhol should have studied supply/demand relationships.

(Even though the truth is that classical economics postulates the entire concept of rational markets...so really this is at best delusion on my part, and at worst an outright lie. Either way I'm a pure hypocrite. But at least I'm purely something. Unlike liberals who want to mix their blacks and whites in the blender and come out with something like grey pea soup.)

So I say NUTS to liberal economists how want us to act like emotion-less robots! If you're angry and unemployed, smash a shop-keeper's window (if it's run by a Muslim). Burn down a Persian rug store! As Stephen Colbert said, we need to feel, but feel with our fists. Like George Bush, or some wonderful tapeworm, we need to think with our digestive system.

And for god's sake, stop trying to make the world a better place. Carpet-bombing ungrateful foreigners is good no matter how bad it feels. Sending food to ungrateful foreigners is bad no matter how good it feels. And that's the paradox of morality: The worse you feel, the better it is. When Milton Friedman summoned his inner dickishness to say, "Greed is good," he didn't mean that greed feels good--not at all. What he meant was that you should feel bad. Feeling bad means you're doing good. Sheesh, I'd have myself nailed to a cross if I didn't know that I had a special misssion to accomplish here on Earth--always being right, regardless of facts. After all, liberals--espcially the sciency liberals who always want to bore you with their so-called 'evidence'--liberals can only see what they want to see. That means that I see what they are incapable of seeing. Which in turn proves my point about me always being right.

Liberals also want to use things like "models", "numbers", and "data", and "facts" while ignoring the human element. If you cut a dollar, does it not bleed? Sure, if that dollar is made out of cow spleens. Which is why I'm proposing an entire new monetary system based not on phantoms such as 'floating money', but real commodities. Such as chicken wings. (Think about it--after The Apocalypse, you can eat your food! Very useful since Jesus continually postpones the end of the world so you never know when to cash out for canned soup, ammunition, and Spam.)

Conservatives, unlike the robotic machine-like liberals (who are also at the same time emotionally overwrought hippies, go figure), are overrunning with fucking compassion. And they are right to be worried--what happens when we run out of money for bombs? Because if America can't bring the pain, then America is no longer special. And if America isn't special, than I am not special. And if I'm not special, your life isn't even worth living.

So this isn't about me selling my soul to shill for the billionaire elitists. It's about the Asian/Jewish academic elitists and their middle-class elitism. Shouldn't we judge the results of science, not by results, but whether or not those results agree with my belief system? What have we gained from knowing that the earth revolves around the sun? Nothing that I've ever heard of.

It all makes one doubt the wizardry of the economic surgeons and appreciate the old wisdom of common sense: simple regulations, low debt, high savings, hard work, more war and then even more war. You don’t have to be a genius to come up with an economic policy like that. And believe me--I'm a fucking idiot.