F*@# Flossing

“People who smoke cigarettes, they say ‘You don’t know how hard it is to quit smoking.’ Yes I do. It’s as hard as it is to start flossing.” -Mitch Hedberg

I hear ya Mitch. It’s why I have so many dang fillings. I didn’t start flossing until about two years ago. Well, that’s kind of a lie… I did floss but only right before I went to the dentist’s office. Other than that I couldn’t be bothered with the torture that’s reported to be so imperative to our health maintenance (btw, so far there’s no scientific evidence that flossing does anything). I honestly feel like more war secrets would be revealed if captives were made to floss everyday as opposed to experience waterboarding.

Here’s what I hate about flossing:

It cuts off blood circulation to your fingers so that they look like bloated grapes.

You get nasty old food-gunk all over your fingers.

The thin and painful floss sometimes slaps up against your gums with enough force to make them bleed.

Your mouth is stretched and contorted in enough painful ways to make even the most skillful of prostitutes proud.

Imagine my joy the day I found out there was an alternative! It’s not a cheap alternative, but it’s the only item that gets me cleaning the gunk out of my teeth every day. It’s basically like a car wash for your pearly whites! Introducing…The Water Pik.