Case Number 21560

JUST GO WITH IT

The Charge

Sometimes a guy's best wingman is a wingwoman.

Opening Statement

If you happened to catch the trailer for Just Go With It during the
film's nanosecond theatrical run, and have ever seen a hack Hollywood romcom
before in your life, you will have no doubt already mapped out this miserable
experience plays out.

Facts of the Case

The film opens with young Danny Maccabee (Adam Sandler, Grown Ups)
about to get a married when he discovers that his soon-to-be-wife is cheating on
him, so he takes off and from that point on adopts the moronic and douchey
tactic of picking up trampy girls in bars using his old wedding ring. Fast
forward a bunch of years and Danny is a successful plastic surgeon still
slumming around as a creepy old bachelor. One day he meets a stunning beauty
named Palmer (Brooklyn Decker) and the two immediately share a spiritual
connection (i.e., they fornicate on a beach).

Unfortunately, she finds his ring and Danny is forced to concoct a BS story
about having an estranged wife. To flesh out the lie, Danny enlists his loyal
assistant Katherine (Jennifer Aniston, The Breakup) to pretend to be his
wife and next thing you know, the script has everyone including Katherine's kids
heading to Hawaii to waste a bunch of time until the ending we all know is
coming finally arrives.

The Evidence

Nothing that happens in Just Go With It would transpire in the real
world. Or at least the world we all occupy. Tron: Legacy features plot
points more grounded in reality than this hokum.

For starters, Danny, caught with his wedding ring, opts for the most
convoluted, ridiculous explanation. He scrambles to come up with a lie to Palmer
about a failed marriage and it's painfully obvious that it's a lie but Palmer
buys it despite the fact that she -- and the script -- established not a handful
of scenes ago that she has knack for spotting liars. The fiction only grows more
and more ridiculous as Katherine's kids are dragged into it and they have crazy
accents and Nick Swardson plays another guy named Dolph Lundgren and he has a
crazy accent and it just gets more and more ridiculous...and, apparently, Palmer
is suffering from a low-grade brain bleed because she has no idea what is
happening around her.

All of this crap could have been avoided if Danny either a) just told the
truth and hoped for the best, or b) told a lie that made sense, like his fake
wife died and he carried her ring around as a memory. But that would mean we
wouldn't have this movie, which of course means we wouldn't experience the true
point of these 116 minutes: boosting Jennifer Aniston's physical self-image.

Now I have nothing personal against her, besides the fact that her movies
are waking nightmares, but it's pretty obvious and ridiculous how hard the
writers have worked to boost her sexy factor. There are some jokes here and
there about her being "hot" and "old," but any
self-deprecation is overwhelmed about gratuitous slow-motion walks of Hot Jen
after a makeover or Hot Jen in a tiny bikini swimming in a tropical pool or Hot
Jen gyrating in a hula contest with Nicole Kidman.

And that was actually the most entertaining aspect of the whole thing,
trying to guess when the next lingering shot of Jennifer Aniston's cleavage was
going to hit the screen. Actually, you could turn that into a drinking game,
that way you'd be so plastered by the end of this garbage you won't have to
witness the implausible and predictable finale.

The DVD: 1.85:1 anamorphic widescreen, 5.1 Dolby Digital, deleted scenes, a
gag reel, some bland making-of featurettes and commentary with the cast and
director where they appear to be fairly pleased with the horror they unleashed
upon the world.

Closing Statement

Is this review done yet?

The Verdict

Guilty. Just go with it, only if "it" means drop-kicking this disc
into a blast furnace.