Have you ever heard the saying that if you want to see your children, go to your room or your bathroom, close the door and try to have some privacy. It will take less than five minutes for all, or some of them to appear. It works like a charm for me every time, and especially with my middle daughter in particular. The closed door acts as a magnetic force field from which she cannot escape.

We live in an open door household. There is really no reason for a door to be shut during waking hours around this house, with the exception of getting dressed, bathing, or using the restroom. However, the large amount of friends and guests in this house on the weekends warrants a shut door from me for limited periods of time. I need to get dressed without scaring our young guests, who do not need to witness me in my birthday suit.

Advertisement

This past weekend, we had little guests over all weekend. I had to get ready for a wedding reception during this circus, so I shut my door to get dressed. The closed door called to above referenced middle daughter like a beacon, singing its siren song. But here is the caveat. When friends are over, she kicks into overdrive. Not only does she open that door immediately, she brings her friends in with her. But, she has a big plan when she does this. She will ask the most outlandish, ridiculous, totally out of the realm of possibility inquiries and demands that have to be attended to or answered right this very moment.

I have been compiling a list for years on reasons she gave for flinging open the door. Here are some of her greatest hits: (and I mean no knock, no nothing, and bring all her friends in behind her).

Can we go to Incredible Dave’s? (No it’s closed.)

Can you take us to Great Wolf Lodge? (In Cincinnati? No.)

Can we go to the Indianapolis Children’s Museum? (In Indy? No.)

Can we buy a trampoline for the back yard? (No.)

Can we buy a dog? (Heck no.)

Will you put cat-eye eyeliner on us and let us go to dinner with it on? (Heck no)

Can we go to Jack Fry’s for dinner? (That’s funny. You have good taste. And, no.)

Can we go to Michael’s, get huge canvases and paint on them inside the house? (Wait until first snow. But now, no.)

Can you take us to Kroger and buy everything to make a huge cake and then you bake it for us? And can we put glitter all over it. (No. I hate to bake, but not as much as I hate using glitter inside)

Do you see the pattern here?

My standard answer: NO

My follow-up answer: Go play outside or in the basement.

My situation at time of interaction: VERY COMPROMISED.

What is it about that closed door, combined with guests, does she feel the need to turn the playdate into the Most Wonderful Experience EVER? And, why does she always try to make these plans when I am in an obviously compromised position?

I’ll tell you why.

She’s smart.

Think about it in another scenario. You wanted to go to a party in high school. When are you going to ask your parents if you can go out? The optimal time is when they are totally 100% distracted. Like asking when your mom is on the phone. Or, when your dad is intently watching sports. This was perfect timing that always worked like a charm for me in high school. My daughter knows that when that door shuts, that it is an open invitation to shoot for the stars on asking for things and there is a one millionth of a chance I might say yes.

I told her that the next time she flings open my closed door that there better be blood or a fire in the house. I should have never put those two conditions into her little brain. I could see the wheels turning immediately. (How can I get fake blood? Where are the matches?)

Guess I’m going to have to start locking that door too when I want privacy.