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And I see where Bill is and where his wife is with this situation. and I am glad he moved quick. many many many people on this site do not and post here depressed that their spouses are actively involved in a relationship with someone else. seemingly doing nothing else to get themselves out of their situation.

what would we be saying to him if he was walking around with this ax in his back for a year? go out start dating? well good for Bill for realizing what is good for Bill. I personally found it a hell of alot mentally healthier to be giddy and confused about my friendship then to be confused and thinking how the hell do I get out of the house so I dont have to listen to this yelling. And yes, I truely believe it had my wife reconsidering the consequences of her behavior.

You seem such a different person now that you have found that you don't need your wife to validate your worth. And I am so happy for you. That is all I've tried to say to you, perhaps badly at times, through our interactions.

If your wife feels the sting of you moving on, well, read some of your early post and perhaps your guilt? will be a bit assuaged a bit.

Hey Esox - thanks - everything has been helpful! I've had a lot of moments of not thinking clearly.

If anyone has any doubts, moving on with your life really has the potential to turn your spouse around. Without details... my W was really trying to pull me in yesterday. And had some really - specific - ideas of how to hurt the woman I had seen.

I finally had to tell her, STOP IT. THis is the moment. Tell me to stay, right now, or else I'm moving on. It's one or the other.

And she said, I can't.

After she went to bed, I walked the dog and met up with my friend, and gave her full disclosure. This is not going to be an easy situation, and since you know my W you should be prepared that this might destroy your friendship. I told her, be careful, and everything must move very slowly. I'm not pushing you away, but you should choose what you want to do here.

Hey Esox - thanks - everything has been helpful! I've had a lot of moments of not thinking clearly.

If anyone has any doubts, moving on with your life really has the potential to turn your spouse around. Without details... my W was really trying to pull me in yesterday. And had some really - specific - ideas of how to hurt the woman I had seen.

I finally had to tell her, STOP IT. THis is the moment. Tell me to stay, right now, or else I'm moving on. It's one or the other.

And she said, I can't.

After she went to bed, I walked the dog and met up with my friend, and gave her full disclosure. This is not going to be an easy situation, and since you know my W you should be prepared that this might destroy your friendship. I told her, be careful, and everything must move very slowly. I'm not pushing you away, but you should choose what you want to do here.

Hm. Now, which was the frying pan, and which was the fire?

Seeing my C today. This is probably good timing.

She did that to test you to see if she could still control you to stay and let go of the other person, don't bother to ask her anymore, continue doing what you are doing. When she really wants you back, she will tell you and you will be in the position to say yes or no at that point - don't bother asking her anymore, she's still not ready, she doesn't like what's happening because she can see that you're moving on - she had all the power when she was making the decision to have an affair and move on, she can see now that she doesn't have that power anymore. Let her sit on this now, let her see that you aren't the 2nd option anymore - now she has to deal with the thought of losing you, don't present yourself as the 2nd option anymore.

I will not use another person to manipulate the situation. That is wrong.

I'm imagining the situation where I cannot say yes. This isn't about being the second option - this is about not being an option at all. I had to ask her now. Cause otherwise I'm crossing the event horizon.

And I told her that too - my friend - I will not use you as a tool to manipulate this situation. If that worries you, then you should consider that.

I AM SUCH A FUN DATE!

Cutter, thank you. I can imagine what you, and others, are thinking.

I'm not such a good example of DBing at this point. Maybe I should stop posting about this situation.

this is just the initial reaction TO HER REALIZING SHE IS NOW THE SECOND OPTION. read initial reaction. it takes a little longer before she starts back pedaling. just stick to the SCRIPT. those ultimatums do no good, didnt here, i think if you said something like, oh, ha, 'jolene' she's weird. she maybe an alien, it would have had more impact mentally.

dont talk about it anymore, in fact, it now needs to go underground. very secretive. enjoy those secretive affair brain chemicals. LOL. just kidding.

she will test you many many more times. and oh she will hate your friend. my wife went as far as to drag me into the backroom and jump me and get really vocal during a bbq at our house just to mark her 'territory' and come out looking like sex in front my friend. i'll tell more when i have time.