Monday, September 12, 2005

Nicole Richie: "Bwahahahahahaha!"

Nicole Richie doesn't need to have lunch with Jann Wenner, the publisher of Rolling Stone and Us Weekly, and he certainly doesn't need to break bread with the star of "The Simple Life." Sources tell us Richie and her manager, Alison Azoff, threatened to walk out of a lunch the other day with Us Weekly advertisers when they were told Wenner was too busy to host the event. But a private meeting in the great man's office apparently calmed them down, and they gladly lunched with Us Weekly editor-in-chief Janice Min.

Somehow Us didn't know what U.N. Spacy's known all along - you do not fuck with Nicole Richie! But what does "advertisers" refer to, exactly? Are we talking about the people who buy ad space in Us, or Us's own promotional staff? Either way, it raises doubts about the journalistic intergrity of a publication near and dear to U.N. Spacy hearts. Hurt as we are by these allegations, we're more than a little titillated by the faint suggestion of a dominating Nicole showing in a Photo Deathmatch to come. This could come in the form of a candid sit-down about her diet, an open letter to archrival Paris Hilton, or a guided tour of her acclaimed wardrobe. It could be an inside look at her super-sexy relationship with DJ AM, a sneak-peak at her wedding plans, or even exclusive wedding photos. Hard to say what the topic might be, but I smell cover story. Mark my words, Nicole's got Jessica's number. It's on, and U.N. Spacy knows for damn sure where its allegiances lie. If only we could get Our Savior and the Ironing-Board Princess into wrestling masks!