Defining Intimacy

every forearm graced, hand held, hair tucked behind the ear, neck rubbed with the intention of comforting a broken heart

– they’re all pivotal to a romantic soul surviving in a world that lacks genuine affection. the older boy you look up to as a role model letting you cry on his shoulder? the teacher with the sincere blue eyes letting you sit in his office for an hour when you didn’t feel like interacting with anyone? the sweet old lady at the grocery store complimenting your smile? these are crucial for finding happiness in everyday life.

and they’re always romantic; the meaning of that is often a dangerous misconception. the word ‘romantic’ means to he conductive to or characterized by the expression of love. while we usually think romance comes from two people who are “kiss me” attracted to each other, love comes from EVERYWHERE. from the stranger who picked up the things you dropped. from the friend who kept a hand on your back the entire time you sobbed over that awful breakup. from the child you saw at the amusement park that looked up from his ice cream just to tell you that you looked pretty.

from the short amount of life I’ve experienced, I’ve come to realize the worst thing you can do for yourself is take things for granted. so I don’t. when unspoken intimacies arise, I take them and savor every facet of them. the visual scene, the emotion, the intention, the softness of the moment, and the precise details that came with it. (you cannot afford to forget those.) I urge you to do the same. these little things are what make us who we are – they’re what we truly live for.

a concept i cannot seem to fathom is the want of intimacy. i do enjoy the idea of being cherished, although i do not enjoy the idea of being left behind. i have built homes in people only to find them torn down. i have put effort into people who do not care to look my way. i have restlessly tried to care for others who can prosper without me. i do not crave intimacy if there is constantly going to be an underlying factor of me being the only one to put in effort. what i do crave is love. i have experienced love firsthand and was consumed by it. i was almost terrified of love due to being so infatuated with love for someone that i would have give up my own life for them. yet i continue to search for love. something so strong that terrified me also has me searching everywhere and anywhere for it. i want to be consumed once again, but i want something new. i search for someone who can help me.