The 10 Commandments of Tinder

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Thou Shalt do these things for a successful experience on one for the world’s foremost dating apps.

Thou shalt have a laugh

Don’t download the app expecting to find your soulmate in the digital meat market. Your profile’s not a resume and your messages aren’t marriage proposals, so go in with the right attitude and keep things light.

Thou shalt post decent photos

In your suit, looking smart? Check. A full body shot, so she knows what she’s getting? Check. With your mates, ideally a little shorter and a tad less handsome? Check.

Thou shalt not use cheesy pick-up lines

Her inbox is being hammered by thousands of greetings, so it’s going to take something better than ‘If I could re-arrange the alphabet . . .’ or ‘You remind me of my pinkie toe . . .’ to stand out.

Thou shalt not be creepy

If you’re talking, you both swiped right — so cut out the sugary sweet physical compliments, which can come across overly sexual and desperate.

Thou shalt get to the point

Don’t let the trail go cold with a string of inane questions. If the banter’s flying around and your gut feeling’s good, ask for her number and make specific plans — less ‘We should meet up sometime’, more ‘Free on Friday?’

Thou shalt keep your cool

You matched but she never messaged back? Ghosted you after a couple of messages? Everything was flying until you asked for her number? Get over it. There’s nothing worse than the needy ‘??’ or ‘I’m not good enough, huh?’ messages.

Thou shalt keep dates simple

You can’t go past a drink in a nice bar — informal, friendly, relaxed, and easy to get out of if the date peters out . . . or goes particularly well.

Thou shalt be vigilant

That Victoria’s Secret Angel lookalike who dives straight into the dirty talk? That’s a 60-year-old sitting around in his undies. Some things are too good to be true — don’t get catfished.

Thou shalt not drink and swipe

Tipsy Tindering is a recipe for breaking the eight prior commandments . . . and certainly the 10th. If you’re having a sip, then head to a bar and Tinder the old fashioned way: speak to women face-to-face.