I've yet to crack this puzzle myself, people will say to go do X Y & Z but doing those things doesn't guarantee results - many people already have their friends so don't need new friends, and a lot of us lack social skills to know how to progress to being friends with someone new. It's all about shared experiences but then most people will go to social events with people they're already friends with, and you still need to find a person you can find shared interests or connect with.

I think you need to find hobbies, volunteering, etc. to stand a chance of meeting people in the right sort of environment - social events often don't work as you'll only see them once, you need to find ways of seeing the same people week after week to try to from bonds and opportunities to progress things with them to a friendship.

I made my friends via work, but that's not an answer if you don't work or there's no one you have anything in common with at work - also work friends or occasional drinking buddies from work don't always translate to real friends. I made friends via boyfriends but you often need friends to meet partners and once you break up you lose friends when you need them most. I made some casual friends via Meetup but things went wrong (I dated a member, who became abusive) so now I've lost that social group and Meetup is no longer an option...Meetup being the first thing people suggest when it comes to making new friends. Point is that it's hard, I don't think there's an easy answer.

I made some new friends in the last couple years by joining a CrossFit gym. The classes are small so you get to socialize a lot and find people with common interests. You can hate on the workouts together and cheer each other on. It's a tight knit little community where I'm at. I have heard about some CrossFit gyms that don't have such a solid community but I lucked out!

Bonus: health benefits!

I think the key is finding a hobby or activity that involves a smallish group. In too large of a group it's harder to get to know people that you would get along with long term

I haven't done CrossFit myself but have quite a few friends that have and I've heard the whole cult thing a lot too.

It's true, from my experience from the outside, that it seems that most CrossFit communties I know of seem to be really tight knit. At least the box's I know of are really social, and also really supportive of their members, I might add.

From an outsider's point of view that aspect of CrossFit also makes it really intimidating to start, to be honest.

I joined CrossFit to get more fit, not for any social need. Yeah depending on what time I go to class there can be a small clique within the members of the class, and yeah it can be a bit annoying to overhear inside jokes and their overall chummery. But there are a lot of people also doing their own thing, and by just saying good job to everyone I come across after the workout and occasionally making small talk, I feel integrated enough into the group. I haven't made any real friends, but the social contact of being in the group can be nice if I'm in the mood for it (other times I just want everyone to disappear). And when I go early mornings I find it's less intimidating, cause the people who go at that time are there to get a workout in before the rest of their day, and not to see their friends. But people are still chummy in the early classes, and overall I see it as a good thing.

I was intimidated too! I almost didn’t join after my first class consisted of about 5 really athletic guys lifting impossible seeming weights. Now I know that those guys are super nice people who get really focused while they’re lifting weights and then we can joke around after class.

Not at all! Every workout can be scaled to your fitness level or accommodated for people with a bad knee/shoulder/whatever.

I had the same idea in my mind before I started but we have people of all fitness levels at our box. From a CrossFit 2018 games athlete to people who modify every movement to meet their needs. As long as you find a good community (from what I hear, most are) and good coaches, you will have so much support. I don’t feel like anyone has ever looked down on me when I scale workouts- and I scale most of them!

The really awesome part is doing a workout and then doing that same one in 6 months or a year and seeing how much you’ve improved! Just a couple weeks ago I repeated a workout from a year ago. Last year I didn’t finish the workout under the time cap and this year I finished with time to spare! I was so excited and my coaches were too! Go ahead and join!

(This is why people think it’s a cult... people like me raving about it to recruit new people 😁)

Here the things I found most helpful in all my moving around. As with everything, ymmv.
(Disclaimer, this is copied from one of my other posts. Hopefully that’s alright?)

Friendship finding apps! This feels awkward for sure, but is so very useful for those of us who prefer meeting one-on-one to large groups. I like Patook the best because it gives you the most info about people, but Hey VINA and BumbleBFF are also options if you prefer swiping based on photos.

A Unitarian Universalist church young adults group. Unitarian Universalism isn’t about faith, it’s more about being a decent human being and reflecting on life (I’m agnostic, as were most of the people I met there). I didn’t go to many of the church services actually, I just showed up to brunches, potlucks, book club, and board game nights. Note that if you aren’t in a very large city, the young adults group may not have much going on (DC was awesome, Seattle not so much).

Book clubs in general, particularly those that actually discuss the book or related topics (helps with getting to know people imo). Preferably those that meet pretty often. Google and meetup may help you find one.

Lots of people seem to like Meetup, but it wasn’t really my style. That being said if you’re looking for buddies to play board games with, go hiking, practice a foreign language, explore the city, or pretty much anything else, Meetup has got you covered.

Another option I haven’t explored much because I have two left feet is dance communities. I hear that certain swing dance scenes are very friendly and social.

One thing to keep in mind is that it can take some time to find people who you really click with. Don’t force friendships with people who aren’t your tribe... I’ve been there and it never works out long term. Also, as with dating, sometimes you’ll meet people who you think are super rad and they will either be too busy or they just won’t especially like you. Such is life, just don’t take it personally. Often times it’s because you guys weren’t genuinely friendship-compatible and they just noticed it before you had the chance to. And if you’re feeling desperate for friendships, you may be more likely to overlook those initial signs of friendship-incompatibility.

Anyways, good luck out there everyone. Friendships are so incredibly valuable... I know it can be draining and frustrating to put in the effort to meet lots of people but it is totally worth it in the end.

I joined Patook! And thought it was cool! And then people started "liking" me or whatever and sending me messages, which terrified me because I have bad social anxiety, and now I'm afraid to get back on the app because what if those people see that I've logged in? And try to talk to me? (God forbid I actually make friends on a friendship finding app). I wish I had the guts to get back on there. I think I'm hopeless.

I’ve totally been on both sides of what you’re describing - logging in but not replying to messages for an extended period and also having others do that to me. I can’t speak for everyone, but personally I didn’t mind at all when people did that to me. I just assumed the person was busy. Hanging out with a potential new friend is a time commitment, especially if you hit it off and want to see them more. I usually don’t respond until I’m at the point where I would have time to take on a new friend.

I’ve actually been through years of awful social anxiety as well! I’ve been in a much better place the last few years, so know that as much as it sucks at the moment it can get so much better. 💙 What helped me the most was going to CBT group therapy for social anxiety, which was itself totally scary at first but that’s actually part of why it works so well.

Another thing that helped me was realizing that a lot of people really didn’t mind my social anxiety. I used to be so concerned with hiding the fact that I was socially anxious (which of course made me more anxious). It turns out all that time, people totally knew and still accepted me for who I was.

When I got divorced, I had also moved into a new area. I started exercising at a kickboxing gym. I went on meetup.com and became a regular at some social groups. I volunteered. I also attended a support group for divorced people. This was 7 years ago. Have friends from every circle.

I often bring something in like homemade baked goods to work to share, which sometimes gets a conversation going. Talk enough times & eventually I ask people to hang out outside of the workplace/class assuming things are going well. Other than that I have no fucking clue.

All the usual above but everytime I move to a new city I join a Toastmasters group. I look for one with a lot of people about my age. And that means a group of people my age who are motivated and interested in self growth but also very open and accepting and encouraging. The great place to meet people

I moved last year to a new city where I knew 3 people and you HAVE to be invested in it. It’s a lot of hard work but very worth it in the long run. Here’s what worked for me:

You yourself need to be open to trying new activities, exploring new things, and inviting people to do them. Push yourself to be “on” all the time. Things I joined/did: intramural sports leagues (kickball, volleyball), pottery class, joined a rock climbing gym (they do social events in the evening for women, new climbers), Bumble BFF, etc.

When you meet people doing these activities, show interest in them and introduce yourself. Make conversation. You can tell by the energy they’re giving back to you if they like you too, but people are shy and won’t say hi - take it upon yourself to initiate. I gave my phone number out like candy - “you’re SO cool we need to hang out some time! Let me get your number”. People are always super flattered.

Actually follow up after and text them to hang out. Invite them to actually do something: I went to street fests, yoga events, museum events, festivals, art fairs, set up board game night, etc. Don’t waste too much time on people who don’t reciprocate - for every 3-4 people I met maybe 1 was open and interested in hanging out. You’ll learn to suss that energy pretty quickly. It’s a numbers game. Don’t get discouraged - you need to meet people who are in the same mindset as you. Make sure you invite them to hang out every 2-3 weeks or so in the beginning to keep the connection going.

Once you’re comfortable one on one, start inviting everyone you know to do things and see who shows up. Introduce them to each other. See who clicks. Over time you’ll see groups form and then once people are comfortable with each other they’ll start making plans as well.

If that sounds exhausting to you, it kind of is. But it’s not like school anymore where you’re forced to see the same people every day in and out, so you have to do it with intention. And by being a fun person who’s out and about and “always has something going on”, it’ll encourage people to text you to see what’s up, ask to hang out, want to be your friend, etc. I used to play a passive role in friendships where I’d wait to see if they contact me first - now I’m usually the one reaching out. Again don’t waste time with people if they don’t respond or decline one too many times, it just means they’re not invested in you. Move on! Good luck.

On social media lol I literally met my best friend this way. I don't remember how we found each other but we randomly started talking and realized we have so much in common and then we met up and yeah the rest is history. I've met a lot of girl friends this way. I'll just message them on Instagram commenting on their story or complimenting them or something and spark a conversation and let it go from there :)

I've signed up for a social voluntary organisation in my area, hoping to build a network as I have no one. I've also heard that it's a good idea to find a hobby you can go to or evening classes, where you'd meet people.

I've made my friends through online communities, mainly hobbies and gaming. There's a group of people I met from playing League of Legends almost 6 years ago, we've met up several times and talk almost daily still.

I'm almost 32. I moved an hour away from all my friends and family about five years ago. I had made some friends at work but it's not quite the same as you're forced to see them on a regular basis but still, I became good friends with a couple people. However, about four years in I joined a volleyball team in my community and there was this girl on my team that I instantly clicked with and we now hangout and talk on a regular basis. I consider her my first true friend here and through her friends, I've found a tribe haha so basically I was adopted into a group by joining a sport team. I'm very happy now. I didn't think I'd ever make new friends.

I don't. I may talk casually to someone online. And I have a few employees that I am close with. But I don't actively seek out new relationships, and honestly, don't want to. I have the love/fulfillment/relationships I need with my partner and family.

Hobbies or religion. I’m religious, so church friends. Otherwise, hobbies. I’m a knitter, and dog owner. Having a common interest does half of the work for you. You just have to be friendly and patient from there. Not everyone will be your new best friend, but you end up lots of casual friends and a few good friends.

The bumble dating app has a section strictly for women looking to make friends. You get to kind of get to know one another by chatting first and then you can meet up if you want. I went out with some girls for group dinners but the “organizer” of it all was terrible and no one really liked her so we all kind of fell apart and went our separate ways. I do have a few of them on my insta and Snapchat though still. It’s worth a shot!

It’s honestly so scary for me. I wouldn’t consider myself to be the most social person, so interacting with people in the first place is hard enough.

But some of the best and closest friends that I have rn I made as an adult. Idk that I would say that I have a specific method or guide to follow, bc all of them happened by chance. So I guess I would say just be yourself! Be open to others and always be kind.

I love going to concerts and festivals (movies and music). Best places to meet and talk, have a drink, share numbers, see if we could meet again because "this movie seems interesting". I met my best friend waiting in a concert line.

Join groups that involve regular attendance at activities and KEEP GOING. It can literally take years to develop meaningful friendships. The single most successful thing I’ve ever done to make friends as an adult was to start a book club. For the first couple years, not very many people came to meetings and it wasn’t always the same people, but over time the club has grown and we’ve all made new friends there and strengthened existing friendships.

I started taking classes related to my interests. Im in NYC so its easy. Work. Being friendly to people, exchanging numbers, and actually hanging out. Made friends through dates where i didnt feel like i wanted to continue dating them but i liked them as a person. We still talk.

I have no clue and I'm in college! I've tried being more assertive but it seems to scare people off. When I don't put any effort people seem to be more friendly. It's strange because I basically have to act like I don't care to make friends.

My most recent friendship came through a dating app. Went on a date with a fantastic woman, she didn’t feel the romantic connection, I thought about it and told her I wanted to be actual friends. I think she’s awesome, funny, and teaches me a lot or at least makes me question my established beliefs.

She’s kind, empathetic, non judgemental and I feel trust and safety when I talk to her. I wanted to be her friend and I said so. She agreed.

I don’t know if it’s how all adults do it. When I was in elementary school I remember telling other kids I would like to be their friend. When you’re and adult you can ask someone if they would like to be a friend too.

Wish I knew. I've tried to not concern myself with such things, but sometimes it would be nice to have a set of actual friends that I could connect with. Making friends has never been easy for me, for whatever reason I can't communicate well. As of recently ive been struggling in my personal life and I don't really want to concern my family with it and having a friend would make my world a bit brighter.

I strike up conversations and if I feel like I vibe with the person, I usually give my number and leave it in their hands. Most of my connections are running people or other moms right now, and I dont do much without my Tiny Ruler, so I dont "hang out" much, but texting and messaging and talking when we're at the same event keep things progressing.

I’m pretty quiet and don’t usually approach people. My best friend is really outgoing and social so she makes new friends and I meet all of them through her. Also, through jobs. Some of my coworkers turned out to be really good friends.

I just moved to California from Texas in September. I didnt have many friends back home, so I didnt even imagine making friends here, but I did. At work. They are 2 ppl who make work fun. Also the only ppl in California I know are at work. We are planning to start going out and one of them wants to introduce me to her circle of friends outside of work. I'm pretty outgoing but I can be a bitch on accident and they understand me.

I feel like I'm not best person to answer this because making new friends is easy to me, so my answers might be annoying to people who are socially anxious or otherwise have difficulties in social situations.

I think most important thing is that you need to be able to stand situations which might be awkward and not worry too much how others see you. Yes, it can sound little stupid if you ask someone new to hang out with you (also making sure they get you are not romantically interested!). And they might say no. But it also could work and then you have possibility to get to know them.

It's also easier if you don't try to find new best friend. Closer relationship takes time and shared experiences, it doesn't happen with everyone. Just try to find interesting people you could spend time with and do things you both like. I'm super interested in all kinds of different people and way they see the world, so I'll meet almost anyone few times. But if someone thinks I'm their new best friend when we just met, I'm going to run because that's asking too much.

Easiest way to find people is to do things that you are interested in. If you are home alone you don't make friends. If all your hobbies are things you do alone, try to find internet communities. Personally I've found volunteering and church good ways to get to know people, but that's of course just me.

You go to your local weatherspoons - they do 3 shots of sambuca for £5.00

Then what you do is bomb them within a minute, walk outside and have a fag (if you don't smoke just take a pack to do this). And if 3 shots isn't enough do 6 before you walk out for a fag.

Then what you do is take a deep deep drag and feel the rush of nicotine and alcohol hitting your veins. If your anything like me you will feel some tingles in your fingers or something like that, like little bits of electricity engulf you now and then.

If you know anybody there make some small talk.

If they ask you who are you out with just say you had to get out the house and no one, then ask who they are with

If you don't know anyone there is always someone more drunk then you who will ask to borrow your lighter - as stupid as it sounds this simple interaction can be quite uplifting and bonding.

You go back in where you should be feeling the effects of the alcohol a fair amount.

If your not then order a double jack Daniels and coke now - if you are just order a single.

Sit back down at a table, look around. Get comfortable with being on your own. Make eye contact with good looking guys/girls.

Drink your drink whilst rolling your next fag.

If your hungry order a snack or a meal as well, chicken wings, onion rings, nachos any of that good shit.

Eat that, or just finish your drink and go for your second fag.

By the time your halfway through your second fag you should be feeling it pretty well. Not enough to die or be sick (hopefully) but you will now probably be talking to strangers - your inhibitions will be a lot lower and you will loosen up a bit.

Do this every night as often as you can - not just weekends.

As much as you can afford it.

Some nights it might be dead in there, if so check out any other nearby pubs after your first drink and smoke.

Some nights you might not be able to afford it or just be not feeling it at all - although sometimes it's best to just force yourself into it.

Within 3 months you will of met a load new people.

Had some shit nights

Have some nights your around someone else's house at 7 am whilst they do cocaine and others talk about coming out of prison or the psych ward after they got sectioned.

Have a group of sesh friends - these lot are on it every opportunity.

Have a group of friends with mutual interests

Have sexual tension or new lovers with at least 4+ people that could potentially lead to something

Vent all your shit to people when your drunk

Start moving out your rut

Look in the mirror and realise you look a bit older, a bit more experienced.

Made some questionable decisions that will make you realise you have to tone it down before you end up in prison or dead

Made some enemies

Regained lost confidence

Realise that there are some fucking good people about who will want to help you out of the rut you are in - you remember you can't judge a book by a cover.

And realise even if life can be shit you can have some fun on the way.

This was entertaining but you are clearly in the UK. I think maybe smoking and drinking are more socially acceptable there. You are right though, the outside area of a bar is the best place to meet people that also smoke and drink! Lolol.

I think that's an unfair judgement tbh. We didn't need to have spent our formative years together to have an unbreakable connection now. It is a weird thought that we "missed" a lot of life events like weddings and such. But we are dedicated to one another and are a huge part of each others lives now. There's no doubting these are my BEST friends, and my most real friends. We all wanted genuine friendship so we found each other and put in the effort required to make it work.

Friendship just work, you don't make it work, we had fight, had problems, developed together, share secrets is ce we were little girls... I feel that it cannot be the same.
I have good friends that I met later but the connection is not so deep.

ou don't make it work, we had fight, had problems, developed together, share secrets is ce we were little girls

That is the work part. That all requires emotional work. Not labour. Just effort and continual meeting up/solving problems/communicating etc so you're an active part of their lives and not "oh we must catch up" shallow nothing relationships.

Anyway, I'm glad you have lifelong friends but just bc you haven't had the same connections later in life doesn't mean others can't find it in their own lives.