I would respectfully disagree that reaching back is necessarily a conscious decision and/or contains an element of disrespect (though these things are certainly possible in some situations). It can be an instinctive response to use one's hands to interfere and protect oneself (especially one's core) from injury or pain. It can also cause harm to the hand(s) or wrist(s) - I have experience in this regard (not in a spanking situation).

One option I'm surprised you didn't mention is having something to occupy the hands. Not as a restraint, but if one is able to grab a pillow , a knot of bedspread, or some other such thing, it can also help to prevent reaching back.

My HOH started out using hand cuffs for the first 6 months or so. He usually uses a wood paddle. He said he wanted to make sure I didn't reach back and get hurt. It basically trained me not to reach back. Now we don't use them but I am so used to not reaching back that I never do.

@SpankedWifeUK - Thank you! Best of luck to you if this ever becomes a problem. Just a suggestion - don't let it become a problem. :)

@Anonymous (March 25th 2:03 PM) - Starting over is certainly an option if you're not too deep into the spanking. Hopefully this problem is no longer an issue for you two. Feel better soon, and good luck to you.

@Anonymous (March 25th 2:33 PM) - You're right - you bring up an excellent point that I failed to mention in the post. Holding onto something like a pillow is a good idea to help prevent this problem from happening in the first place. That's a very good recommendation. Thank you for sharing it with the readers.

@Anonymous (March 25th 6:01 PM) - Both are great ideas to help with a reaching back problem. Thank you for taking the time to share them, and best of luck going forward!

@Anonymous (March 25th 8:52 PM) - While I disagree with the use of handcuffs, I'm glad you and your spouse consensually found something that worked for you both. Thank you for sharing your experience. :)

@Shea - Hopefully that is effective in getting the problem corrected for you two. It's a dangerous habit, no question. I'm glad you've found something that works for you both. All the best to you.

@Anna - That's another very good suggestion. Thank you for sharing it, and best of luck to you in the future.

My husband and I just started into a DD relationship. He ames me take my panties down from the start. However, he is interested in using a paddle. I am not for this and would prefer over clothing if we do proceed w/ paddle.

@Anne - DD is about communicating your concerns to your spouse and finding what works best for you both, however the final decision on these things is ultimately his.

I think it's important you understand that when consenting to the DD lifestyle, you consent to the WHOLE concept of it. It's not about consenting to one aspect and not consenting to another, or consenting or not consenting to different punishment situations - that isn't how it works. When you consent to a DD lifestyle, you consent to your husband being the leader of the marriage/family, the final decision maker in all situations, and the provider for all members of the family.

With that said, I encourage you to discuss this with your spouse. A wife's opinion, feelings, concerns, and suggestions should always be taken into consideration, however the husband is the one who ultimately makes the final decision.

I wish you nothing but the best going forward, Anne. Good luck to you.

I haven't yet been able to make it through a spanking without reaching my hand back. I start out with the best of intentions not to do it and I understand why I shouldn't reach. It's easy to think that until I am actually on the receiving end of an OTK spanking and the reality of the pain and stinging become intense. I do receive additional and harder spanks when I reach back, so I certainly do have incentive not to do it. My husband just stops and pins my hand to the small of my back and gives about 5 much harder spanks. I think option #5 would probably be pretty effective for me if the implement was the one I really fear. A back scratcher from the dollar store.It's varnished wood and lays down about an inch wide strip of blazing fire. I've only had 3 swats with it on one occasion, but it was very memorable. My husband usually just uses his big calloused hand. No way am I going to tell him about that option. :) I sincerely hope he doesn't think of it either!

@Anonymous (May 22nd 11:37 AM) - No question it's very difficult to refrain from reaching your hand back during a spanking. It's not easy to correct, but it can be done. It just takes some time and patience (and an additional punishment here and there).

If you feel option #5 would be beneficial to your husband and help you to get this problem resolved, I'd strongly recommend you pass that option along to your husband so you both can spank more safely. If you'd rather not that's certainly your choice, I just don't understand why you wouldn't if you feel it would be helpful to your marriage.

Whatever you decide to do, I wish you the best of luck in getting this problem corrected. All the best to you.

Clint,Thanks for taking the time to comment. After giving it some thought, I guess withholding info that would be helpful to my husband (never really thought of it that way), is a form of disrespect.I'm going to give myself one more chance to stop reaching knowing that if I fail I will tell my husband about this option and the implement to use.I really am scared of it, maybe just looking at it will be all it takes anyway.If not, I'm sure just a few times will do the trick. Long run I guess I'll be glad. I appreciate your help Clint.

Oops, guess telling my husband that way would sound a little bossy. I meant to say I will suggest this option to my husband and the implement I think would be most effective. It's entirely up to him what to do with the information :)

I've always dreamed of having a man take charge and spank me when i've been bad. I've had these desires since I was a teenager but have never told anyone b/c people would likely see me as a freak or a person who wants to be abused. I'm SO glad there are really people out there like me. When I get into a new relationship, I want to practice DD, I just don't know how I'd bring it up to my partner without feeling embarrassed b/c they may think i'm crazy. Do y'all have any suggestions?

@Anonymous (May 25th 12:38 PM/May 25th 1:15 PM) - It was my pleasure. I know it's not easy to pass along information to your husband sometimes, but once you see how it helps your marriage, you'll be glad that you did. :)

All the best to you.

@Anonymous (June 18th 8:38 AM) - There are most definitely people out there just like you. In fact, it's probably a lot more common than you think. The DD lifestyle (or alterations of it) seems to be getting more and more popular/common.

My first suggestion to you is to NOT bring up the idea of DD until the foundation of love, respect and trust is established in your future relationship. You want to build a relationship on those important dynamics first before bringing DD into it.

With that said, I've written a post on how to approach a significant other about DD. You can read it by following this link:

My wife and I have been practicing DD for awhile now and there have been numerous effective spanking. I was shocked when my wife began rubbing her bottom after a spanking. I feel as if she should refrain from rubbing her bottom afterwards and she always has. I don't know what she was thinking...should I have spanked her additionally for this? Iit seemed as if she did it without thinking. She quickly stopped then I looked at her and glanced at her rubbing her bottom. She showed remorse and wrapped her arms around me. She told me that it will never happen again, but did I let my gaurd down?

@Anonymous (October 31st 3:31 PM) - It's fair to give your wife one warning to not rub her buttocks after a spanking. If she chooses to disregard your warning and rub it anyway, then you choose the consequence for that. If you want that behavior corrected, you need to punish for it in some fashion.

For this issue, I would recommend conducting an escalated form of corner time. I would recommend you have your wife stand in the corner with her bare bottom exposed for the duration of it. Her bottom exposed will serve as a reminder to her that if she rubs her bottom again, an additional spanking will soon follow. Then, if she chooses to rub her bottom after that (or while in the corner), I recommend you spank again for that, although I'd lighten in up just a bit since you just spanked her.

You can read more about corner time escalations here:

http://learningdd.blogspot.com/2011/12/corner-time-escalations.html

(What I've recommended is Option #3 on that post.)

I hope this helps in correcting this issue. I wish you the very best of luck.

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About This Blog

My name is Clint, and welcome to Learning Domestic Discipline.

This blog started after I began practicing Domestic Discipline in my own marriage and realized there were very few reliable, clean, and to the point resources out there available for those who are new to Domestic Discipline, want to know more about it, or simply need help.

I don't know everything about Domestic Discipline, nor do I claim to. What I do know, however, is that Domestic Discipline has done wonders for my wife and I's marriage, and I feel it will for everyone if it is done correctly.

The entries and information on this blog are meant to be a template that you can use to incorporate into your marriage. My hope is that you will use the suggestions and guidelines recommended and mold them into a design that works for your relationship. I also hope for Learning Domestic Discipline to continue to become a place where people can go to get support and advice, encouragement, or simply learn more about this marital tool.

Please note that all the entries on this blog, as well as the name Learning Domestic Discipline, are copyrighted and all copyright laws apply. Also, please note that by choosing to implement any of the suggestions on this blog you acknowledge that you are over the age of 18 and you are choosing to do so at your own risk. The author(s) of this blog will not be held legally responsible for your own behavior.