Letting Go

I know that there are times when in our lives that we try to do what we can to hide our pain, fears and darkest secrets so that no one in this world need to know what is going on or even how we are really feeling. You fear that you may get judged or criticised for what you know in your heart is right and then the world is telling you that you’re going the wrong way. You know that in your heart that you are craving for something that you wanted for so long – no matter what it maybe. Maybe you’re looking for love. Maybe you’re looking for respect. Maybe you’re looking for forgiveness. Maybe you’re looking for hope. No matter what it is that you feel that you’re losing a never-ending battle for what you want. No matter what you feel that you’re not going to be able to come out of your shell ever again to what you want to see the world in a different light. I have found this to be true with me! Many times, I have felt this way myself, believe you me. I know that no matter what was said to you that you felt you were living in a dream. You felt that you were maybe living in a darkest moment of a nightmare and felt that no one would hear you or even care about you enough hence you gave up on what you thought you knew in your own life/world. I have tried to connect in many ways myself and that no matter what that people may say to me it is all in my head. People may say that I am only lying to myself and to them to how I feel. They’re not me! I know what my reality is! I know that despite the pain and everything that I have felt for so long that I need to find an escape. I need to find a place where I can feel safe and secure. A place that I can call home or even a security blanket that can wrap me up warm. I know that I don’t need to validate my feelings or even share what is on my mind as some part of my world is suffocating me right now in spirit! Yes people may think I am a drama queen. Many people may think that I am crazy. I am just doing what I feel is right for me and no one can do it for me only ME. I am the one that is in control of my thoughts, feelings and emotions. I know that there will be a time that maybe I need to let go of what I once knew or what was once was. Letting go of some of the baggage or even some of the thoughts that I try not to think of is a MUST. Letting go. Need to be free from the pain and everything that didn’t belong to me..

Today, in this world that we live in right now that there will be alot of pressures in life as well as also dealing with our own personal struggles. You see that everyday we tend to carry something with us be it emotionally, spiritually and physically. Yet, at the end of the day, again this is our choice into do we really want to carry this burden for life or do we wish to let go?

Emotional baggage is an everyday expression or saying that correlates with many people around the world today; as it generally or usually relates to any of unresolved issues or matters that people are carrying around from year to year without resolution that you have allowed to fester, build up til breaking point and become a part of your everyday life and then it changes you to who you really are and what you really are as a person

Emotional baggage is a state of mind/being in which you refuse or choose not to let things go and move on or forward for the improvement and advancement of your life, and not to focus on where you’ve come from or you’ve been.

If you’re depressed, guilty, angry, fearful, or any other hang-ups that’s hindering you, stopping you, holding you back. This will mean that you may be in an emotional state that stemmed from something that happened to you in the past. Nine times out of ten, that’s an implication that you are carrying around emotional baggage; which can soon become a hindrance to your personal growth/development – spiritually, mentally and physically and this can be detrimental to your health, life and the people who are around you.

As a metaphorical image, it is that of carrying all the disappointments, wrongs, and trauma of the past, around just in one heavy load.

In our adult life or as we become an adult, emotional baggage comes in two main forms.

First of the two is that there are the often negative expectations created by previous relationships, perhaps of an abusive nature – a kind of bondage to the past that can contaminate new and potentially more positive interactions.

The second type is of the memories that we hold onto and that is contributing to the adult emotional baggage that are recurrent bringing-up of the history of the current relationship, with the result that the minor problems in the present become overloaded by negative currents from earlier times which cannot be resolved or set aside for the good.

Behind every adult problems, however, there may and usually will be some deeper forms of emotional baggage that has been stemmed and rooted in the experiences of childhood, but continuing to trouble personality and behavior within the adult.

Men and women may be unable to leave the pain of childhood behind, and look to their partners to fix this, rather than to address more adult concerns.

Cultural and parental expectations, and patterns of behavior drawn from the family of origin and still unconsciously carried around, will impact on a new marriage in ways neither partner may be aware of.

Similarly, as parents, both sexes may find their own childhood pasts hampering their efforts at more constructive child-rearing, whether they repeat, or seek to overcompensate for, parental patterns of the past.
We all need to check our emotional baggage once in a while to check if we do have any. So, check your baggage, luggage, knapsack or whatever else that you are carrying right now.

The funny thing is that we don’t think we have any baggage at all but let’s be real that we may do and that we need to deal with it somehow!

I can hear people now and thinking as well as saying to themselves this!!

“Did she say check my baggage; I ain’t got no baggage to check; maybe she need to check her own baggage!” LOL!!! “Ain’t Got None!” We all got some form of baggage, some a bit more than others, but we all got it. We seem to think that it’s always… “It’s them, not me. It’s their fault, this relationship didn’t work out.”

Have you ever just considered the fact, that it might just be you and not them? While am writing this and that you are reading this that for sure I am just as guilty right now as I did have a lot of baggage in my life and that I thought that it isn’t possible to get through it all and to let go.

Then you wonder why he/she stop calling!

It wasn’t the fact that your eyebrows where drawn on too thick, or the fact that your eyelashes looked like spiders and/or the fact that your weave frizzed up at the sight of water and was weighing you down because it was 32 inches long.

NO! The reason why he stop calling and what is really weighing you down, is all that emotional baggage, you’re carrying around.

And just so I’m clear; right now, I’m talking to my Ladies, I’ll get to the men shortly! But Ladies, I’m talking to you right now, because I understand how you feel and what you are going through as been there and am now I am learning to let go of all things that doesn’t belong in my life no matter what it is.! Trust me and believe me that I’ve definitely been there and deciding everyday is a new day for no mistakes so time to throw away what doesn’t belong in my life. And if you don’t think you have, check my list below of the 5 ways you can tell if you have emotional baggage or not! I’m sure out of 5 you will have at least 3 that you can claim. As I have checked this and it’s safe to say that I can so relate and all.

Low Relationship-Esteem. You seem to riddle your relationship with self-doubt, self-negativity and so much. You can’t find the good in yourself so you can’t find the good in your relationships, and I’m not just speaking of intimate relationships, I’m talking all relationships that we have and got, period. Business, Friendships, Partnership, etc.

You’re Paranoid. You stay on watch- day and night out for any hurt; a bit suspicious, about what could happen to ruin the relationships and you have little trust in the person, without any given reason; especially if you’ve been burned in the past. But in order for a relationship to work, you have to trust each other.

You Compare Your Current Relationship To Past Ones. This goes beyond the truth of simple paranoia. It’s more subtle and insidious. You find yourself when you enter into new relationships, pointing out similarities and/or almost similar character traits, personality traits, etc. in the new relationship and base it on the previous relationship; especially if the previous relationship was an abusive one. Believe you me. I used to do this a lot and that is how it affected some of my relationships that I had in the present day. But what’s even more crazy and insane is that it may not even be similar traits; it may all be in your conditioned mind. You consistently find yourself forming new unfulfilled relationships simply because of unfortunate similarities that you equate to be equal to the past relationship. It’s so important that we don’t filter our past relationships into our current ones and only focus on the relationship at hand

You Throw Up The Wall Of… “Won’t Happen!” This is so unhealthy; not just for the relationship but for you as a person, who is trapped behind this wall, with no intentions on ever getting over it! Holding back emotions, feelings, and/or love and reliving the painful events from the past in ways that it affects your present, is not going to get you over the wall! This can only keep relationships stagnant and keep you trapped in your pain! “It won’t happen to me no more!” Repeats itself over and over again in your mind, until the relationship is diminished and you find yourself searching for another one! And it repeats and repeats and repeats!!!

Commitment Phoebe: So now that you have decided to scale the wall a bit! Not quite over it because now it’s something else, COMMITMENT ISSUES! Commitment-phoebes are everywhere, and you don’t just have to be carry around emotional baggage to be one; but that’s a whole other article. However, in many cases, the fear of tying oneself down can be indicative of a deeper problem. If you’re not giving any of your relationships half a chance, it’s time to do some soul-searching. There’s nothing wrong with being single, but is it what you really want? And if it’s not, what’s making you hesitate when you come across the possibility of love, commitment and a fulfilling relationship with a significant other?

Okay, so now we are going to walk through ways that may assist you in getting over the wall and letting go of the baggage because after all; it’s all that baggage that weighing you down and hindering your ability to climb in an effort to get over it!!!

Step 1: Identify and Sever the Root

This step requires our complete honesty, a willingness to dig deep and openly face your issues. For example, do you have anger issues or problem with your temper to the point that you throw things, slam doors or worse? Obviously, the temper needs to be dealt with, but more importantly, you need to discover what lies behind the temper. Maybe you have an addiction that you’re reluctant to face such as gambling, sexual addiction, drugs/alcohol and/or perhaps you’re a shopaholic. Whatever the issue, you must be able, willing and ready to face it head on, in an effort to be cured! All these additions are just temporary-fix magnesium to cover up or diminish the problem; the problem that has been going since you were a child; that is now deep rooted and needs to be completely dug up. That’s the only way it’s going to die. You can cut it down, over and over again but if it’s not up-rooted, it’s going to still be there and pop up over and over again.

Step 2: Take Responsibility for your own life and actions. And Stop Blaming Others.

“Momma didn’t do this, daddy didn’t do that, my uncle treated me this way, my aunt spanked me; that man cheated on me; that’s why I’m like this. This is who they made me out to be, this is who I am!” It’s so much easier to go through life blaming our problems on others including ourselves. “I’m too fat, I can’t do it, I’ don’t know how!” But eventually you have to take responsibility for your life, your actions and your emotions. If this is you talking… STOP IT RIGHT NOW! IT’S OVER, NO MORE! SNAP OUT OF IT! Your life will never get better and you will never move forward until you break the blame chain.

Step 3: Forgive and Focus

It is crucial that you reach a point where you can truly let go of the hurt that you have experienced. “No matter how violent it was, how deep it was, how prolonged it was, no matter how much effect there’s been on your life, if you do not extend forgiveness and get focus on bettering you; you are the only person who will be stuck in bitterness and revenge city. Let go of the past and let go of the pain; forgive those who have wrong you and move forward in you purpose, even if you look in the mirror and realize that the person you had to forgive was actually you!

To end this piece for you all: What I want to ask you all and for you all to think about today as well as for me to ask myself and think to myself is to take charge over your baggage, think about how carrying all that unnecessary garbage will hinder your life (because that’s all it is, is GARBAGE) and choose to be free! It’s your choice and it’s your life! Start fresh! It’s a new year. It’s new beginning.