Daily Archives: December 5, 2009

Just five seconds into this episode Bill plunged a stake through Longshadow’s heart, causing him to spurt blood like a stuck pig. Let no-one accuse this show of slow pacing.

I do feel sorry for the poor old props department– they must have had a migraine when they realised how much tomato juice they’d need for this baby. Sookie’s face and body were entirely drenched in the stuff, and still it kept on coming. Finally, when supermarket shelves all over Alabama were empty of V8, Longshadow, with a hammy cry, collapsed into a pile of black PVC. At which point Ginger, quite rightly, threw up. The smell of tomatoes must have been nauseating. Sookie took it rather well, considering she had escaped being bitten only to be covered in passata. She even remained stoic when Pam creepily offered to remove some stray vampire entrail from her cleavage.

So Bill saved Sookie, but brought himself a whole heap of hassle, because apparently it’s bad form to kill a vampire for the sake of a human. The vampires sure have a lot of rules, for a crew of dead people. After Bill got a ticking off from Eric with a promise of more to come, he accompanied Sookie home, lyingly assuring her that he wasn’t in trouble. Someone had strung Sookie’s cat to the ceiling fan, but such is the body count in this programme, this caused almost no reaction. Anyway, I don’t remember seeing Sookie with a cat, and suspect it had only been cast five minutes earlier.

Star turn this week was Eddie. You gotta love his story about how he became a vampire: he entered into it voluntarily because he’d noticed that vampires got all the hot young guys. Each to his own, but wouldn’t it have been simpler to have gone down the gym and worked on his pecs?

Kidnapped, drained of his blood, stuck in Jason’s basement and forced to watch him and Amy have horrible V-inspired hallucinogenic sex, would have finished off most people. But Eddie managed the clever hostage trick of bonding with Jason, who was, though such a thing can scarce be imagined, more stupid than ever this week. He seemed a little brighter at first, acknowledging Amy’s flakiness with the line, ‘I shoulda known something wasn’t right, the second you walked into my life carrying that big bag of crazy. Any woman with a purse that big is bound to have somethin’ I don’t wanna know about.’

But it took only one drop of V for his teeny-tiny brain to disappear again. He told Amy he loved her and gushed to Eddie that she was the one. Well, she certainly is a one, Jase, you’re right there. Eddie told Jase she was a psychopath, which was good to hear as I had thought that too but everyone else seemed to like her – even Sookie, whose telepathy the writers had clean forgotten about; even Sam, though as he keeps pursuing Tara, his tolerance of crazy ladies is clearly set quite high.

Tara was wondering whether to pay a staggering 800 dollars to the wild woman of the woods for exorcism. Come on Tara, she’s probably not a member of the American Psychological Association. Have you even asked to see her certificates? Sam stumped up the cash, but don’t ask me why, I have no idea. She’d just comprehensively rejected him on the grounds of having a demon inside her. Sam, take a hint, lad. Most of us would consider that to be a definite ‘no’.

When Eric at last came a-calling with his heavies to take Bill away for trial, Bill asked Sam to protect Sookie while he was gone. Bill seemed to know something about Sam that none of the rest of us knew – except of course we did, and had done for ages. So when Sookie was accompanied home by the dog from Merlottes, and woke to discover a naked Sam, sprawling on her bed where the dog had been, Sookie was the only one who was the least bit surprised.