I am 27. If I don’t put the effort to wear make-up and clothes that don’t include a sports bra, “yoga pants” and some sort of 7-year-old tank top slash tshirt, I look young for my age. Sooo, that’s 97% of the time. I must say, I have NO idea of this fact, so please, co-worker, enlighten me first thing in the morning when I walk in the door with a shit stank smile on your face. I look like I could be in high school? Oh snap, thanks! I had no idea. Please, tell me again, like you did last week, and the week before. Because I’m pretty sure I’m older now than I was 3 weeks ago, yet you continue to remind me. See you in 20 years old man. I’ll look 25, and you will… well… you’ll just look like you.

Oh really? You ate a salad today? I don’t believe you unless you put it on Instagram, then Tweet it to Facebook. Twice. Oh really? You went to the gym? It’s a good thing you checked in. Phew! I was worried you were lying. Oh, you went to the gym? Once? In the past 4 years? Man, you ARE a gym rat. You must know everything. How’s that muscle milk.

One of my favorite things to do… is to not feed into things people are painfully and obviously hinting at. Example. Penelope makes a comment near you, such as “well I WAS planning on using this leg…” I pretend I did not hear that stupid sentence. A few more pity party words are uttered, then Penelope gets up, and limps so much to the point that she may fall over, peeking out of the corner of her eye to see if I am paying attention. Negative. You want a response, just frikin’ say it. That way I can just ignore you to your face instead of having to be a jerk about it.

Have you ever known someone who tells you things that you already know, repeatedly; who has no idea that you know they’re lying to your face, and that the way they do things is extremely ass backwards, yet they “know more than you”? Then, when you try to be polite and walk away, they talk down to you and tell you what ...you are “doing wrong” when in reality, what they do slash say proves they know absolutely nothing, and are most likely just regurgitating what they heard from someone else, incorrectly. Yup. I wanted to open my mouth and make this person’s head spin so fast that they would turn into a human helicopter. But I didn’t. I smiled, thought to myself, holy crap you teach people, and left. if you know everything...how come you do not know how annoying you are, or when to shut the hell up?Really, I guess I want to thank this person, because they just helped me realize that I can know half of what I already know, and apparently run my own business successfully. So, thanks?