1. If you can’t take the heat, don’t tickle the dragon.
2. “How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being.”
3. “Who is the happiest of men? He who values the merits of others, and in their pleasure takes joy, even as though t’were his own.”
4. I am a bomb technician. If you see me running, try to keep up.
5. “Wise men are not always silent, but they know when to be”
6. I’m not totally useless! I can be used as a bad example
7. You laugh at me cuz I’m different. I laugh at you cuz you’re all the same.
8. Organized people are just too lazy to look for things
9. I hate people who steal my ideas before I think of them.
10. “Save water, shower with a friend!”
11. You cannot teach a man anything; you can only help him discover it in himself.
12. I didn’t slap you, I high-fived your face!
13. Teach me the rules… and I’ll teach you how to break them.
14. I’m not a tease i am just a reminder of something you can’t have!!
15. Don’t drink and drive……. you might go over a bump and spill your drink !!
16. Sometimes, “The Majority” only means that all the fools are on the same side
17. I’m bad with names can i just call you a**hole?
18. “God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.”
19. im not a pessimist, im an optimist with experience
20. I love animals…They’re delicious!
21. I may not be perfect but parts of me are freaking awesome!
22. I was born intelligent, education spoiled me
23. If you have something to say, raise your hand and place it over your mouth and keep it there!!
24. Are you talking to yourself or just pretending im listening?
25. Copy from one, it’s plagiarism; copy from many, it’s research.