'cats' Tagged Entries

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In 2009, while writing an update to this profile, Neal was kidnapped by ninjas. (Though, truth be told, Neal took out 58 of the ninjas with his awesome karate skills. He was overpowered by the remaining 342 ninjas). Thus, George set on his 14 day quest to save Neal, which involved scaling numerous mountains, fighting 3 mountain lions and one kitten (though, he probably didn't have to fight the kitten), and taking on an armada of stealthy warriors. George's mission was a success, and now they are making a mega-blockbuster feature film. Ok, so it's not going to be a mega-blockbuster, but it'll win a few awards. Or maybe it'll just be an independent film released to a limited audience. Or a direct-to-dvd movie. Well, ok, there will just be a made-for-tv movie about it. Well, actually, not a made-for-tv movie. More of a television short. Well, more of a youtube clip. Well, okay, it was that Numa Numa clip. But that was totally symbolic of the struggles, man.

In 1950 George created a comic strip about a short bald kid that everyone picked on. The strip competed closely with another very similar comic strip for decades. Each week George would come up with a great idea only to have it copied almost exactly by the other strip the following week. For some reason that other strip gained fame and notoriety and George's strip never left the pages of some obscure publications. So remember, Sam Tan and his pals were the original Pistachio Kids and that rag-tag Peanuts gang was just a bunch of copy cats. Neal also started a comic strip about a feisty cat named Garfcliff in 1970, but due to mismanagement Neal was forced by the government to divide up his strip and sell off the separate components, thus resulting in two successful comic strips. Garfield and Heathcliff fared much better without Neal's guidance.

Neal does not like the taste of fish. In 2000, George decided to help out Neal by playing around with genetics to create the first fish that tasted like chicken. Unfortunately, this backfired, and now nearly all chickens found in the Midwest taste like fish. Undeterred, George and Neal found themselves immersed in the complicated world of genetics. Despite a plethora of cease-and-desist orders from the most prominent scientific communities, George created the first gir-rilla (pronounced Jer-rilla):

Nature just threw up a little in its mouth.

Photo by: Neal

Not to be outdone, Neal created the world's first Dat, which won 2nd prize at the Westminster Freakshow:

This is where we jumped the shark, genetically speaking.

Photo by: Neal

Between 2000-2004, Neal and George fervently created more and more hybrid animals, the likes of which this world has never seen (including the Zebruck, the pengagroo, and the hipponaucerous, a personal favorite). However, George and Neal ceased entirely working in the realm of genetics when a bearpotomus and an ostrephant had a mutant baby so terrifying, so disgusting, that it cannot be adequately described. Here's a picture:

No wait. HERE'S where we jumped the shark, genetically speaking.

Photo by: Neal

After this abomination was spewn forth, George and Neal decided to call it a day, and destroyed each and every hybrid creature they created.

In 1821 George and Neal had a very nice lunch with Charles Babbage, but at one point George brought out his laptop for a quick check of his Facebook account. Chuck was fascinated and wanted to know more. So we left him an extra computer that we had lying around so he could try to build his own. It took a while, but he eventually designed his Difference Machine, Difference Machine No. 2, and Analytical Machine but got distracted by lolcats, failblog and youtube. It took nearly 150 years before his Difference Machine was actually built. Now that's some procrastination that George and Neal haven't even been able to match yet. On a side note, in 1861 Babbage showed photographer Henry Pointer some LOLcats, Henry showed his friend Harry Whittier Frees and a meme was born...

At 12:56am on Friday, July 10, 2009 George wondered if anyone ever reads The Grand Saga of George and Neal's Adventures Through Time and Space (and Pudding)! (Besides Bette Midler that is). At 12:57am on Friday, July 10, 2009 George decided it didn't matter and added some information about the kitten that taught Bob Ross how to paint.

In 1968 George and Neal trained a kitten to paint. That kitten in turn trained Bob Ross to paint. Bob Ross in turn taught countless of people to paint. So thanks to Neal and George and one talented kitten there are millions of "happy little trees". Who says we don't love the environment...

For years the cat lived in Bob Ross's hair, giving advice and supplying large amounts of dopamine.

In 1988, George and Neal created cats and dogs with opposable thumbs and above-average intellects. Everyone was thrilled with the evolutionary jump - well, everyone except Bob Barker, who received copious amounts of angry letters from the critters. George and Neal's favorites include: "Hey Bob Barker - Screw you! Love, Cats & Dogs"; "Bob, I miss my testicles, you jerk! - Fido" and "Barker, YOUR balls are MINE!" Many animal activists have sided with the animals, calling for Bob Barker to be neutered. Gerbils, parakeets, and a number of other household pets have refused to take sides.

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The Grand Saga of George and Neal's Adventures through Time and Space (and Pudding)! is fully supported by... Well, nothing currently. We recently added ads (is that redundantly repetitive?) to our site in the hopes that we can earn a little bit of cash to pay to keep this site running. You see, all the piles and piles of money we make through our various business ventures, inventions, good fortune, and, ahem, other various schemes goes right back into funding for more research, travels, lawsuits, and general debauchery. So you see, there's nothing really left to keep this website going.

So, if you feel so inclined, you may graciously donate your organs, blood, or other bodily fluids to keep our website going. Or you could just send us a few bucks via PayPal, we're pretty easy like that (that's what she said). In return you'll gain the satisfaction of knowing that you are helping to educate millions and billions of individual cells (which really amounts to only a fraction of a person since it is estimated that the brain contains somewhere between 80-120 billion nerve cells (neurons), and neurons only make up about 50% of the cells in a human brain). Oh, and if you so request, we might include you in a future adventure (or maybe a past one).

Or, just click on one of the ads on our site. We'll get a few pennies, and there's no obligation for you, guaranteed or your money back!

Thanks for reading, and we hope you're not too traumatized after your visit.

This site. The best. Bigly good. Those other sites? SAD. So sad. But George and Neal? I mean, trust me. I know good people. I know - I'm the best at knowing good people and you'd be amazed at what those guys can do. Fantastic job, you two.

Well, how about that! We got a comment from someone other than Clem or evil Bette. Thanks for your support Rich, we hope you're doing well, too. It's been a long time since we've talked, so we'll head back to 1998 and pay you a visit then. Bucket run?