16 Claudia Procula

I’m at my wits’ end; I didn’t know who to call. I just needed to talk to someone.

I know you have always said to call you if I ever needed a shoulder, but people often say those things without meaning them.

These three days have been so horrible, so horrible.

I have not been outside since Thursday, I am afraid.

The silly thing is; I don’t know what I’m afraid of.

When I’m up and about, I’m fine, when I have company, I’m fine, but when I try to rest, the voices come to me. I tried to explain, I tried to tell him to not get involved, but my husband does not listen!

Stella, I’m sorry, you must think I am going mad.

I must calm down, I must think.

What day is it today? Saturday?

Yes, of course, it’s Saturday, that’s why it’s so quiet. Last Sunday, word came in the evening that there had been some sort of disturbance in the city. “What’s new?” I thought, “There are always disturbances in this city”.

Anyway, it was something to do with politics, something about a rally taking place and there being a new leader. I didn’t pay attention and the thing seemed to blow over.

This time of year, things get very tense anyway, with such big crowds gathering for the festival, there’s always the chance of some hothead creating trouble.

All seemed quiet until Thursday night, when a call came in the early hours. I don’t know what time, I was asleep, but it seemed very strange. There was talk of a trial. I thought I must be dreaming; you know how strict the legal system is, we don’t have trials in the middle of the night.

I assumed someone had been arrested and it was a simple matter of detaining them, though why we would have been disturbed for something so simple, I couldn’t understand.

I went back to sleep and then it started.

Oh Stella, I am so frightened. There were dreams, horrible dreams.

What were they about? Warnings, voices, going around and around inside my head.

I got up and walked around, I spent time standing on the balcony watching the moon and then went back to bed.

Stella, it was terrifying, as soon as I went to sleep, the voices came back to me, again and again. “The King of the Jews”, they said to me repeatedly, “The King of the Jews”.

I think I was awake and I put my hands over my ears, and I could still hear the shouts.

Then when daybreak came, I heard that a trial had taken place and the one they said had claimed to be king of the Jews was on trial and I tried to send a warning, I tried to warn them. I tried to tell them to have nothing to do with this man, but my husband gave in to them, and the man was executed.

Oh Stella, a terrible, terrible thing has happened, I just don’t understand it. I don’t know what to make of it. I don’t know.