"[The Rev. Jesse] Jackson said evacuees from the Gulf Coast are not refugees, a word he believes suggests subhumans or criminals. 'It is racist to call American citizens refugees,' he said."Houston Chronicle.

"Many black leaders have said that this [the response to Hurricane Katrina] is an example of black genocide." A reporter at a Hurricane Katrina press conference held by the Congressional Black Caucus

"There's going to be plenty of time to make [hurricane recovery] a racist issue, and I'm going to do it." Congresswoman Diane Watson, responding to the question.

OK, Jesse Jackson, you win. You figured it out. There's no keeping a secret from you and your fellow black leaders. So on behalf of the Vast, Right-Wing Conspiracy, I will now confess all:

Hurricane Katrina was a racist.

"Katy," as we called her in the labs of Halliburton, Inc., was unleashed by the Bush Administration and its evil minions in the oil industry using a super-secret, high-tech weather machine originally developed in the labs of Nazi Germany and passed down through the Skull and Bones Society at Yale. Just ask John Kerryhe knows all about it.

Of course Katrina hit New Orleans and its predominantly black population, and largely avoided the mostly white residents of the "Redneck Rivera" of the Florida panhandle. Don't you remember how Katrina started out hitting Florida, then swung around the entire state in order to get a clean shot at the Big Easy? All part of the plan.

The folks in the Congressional Black Caucus know. They know that Katrina (why not "Catherine?" No "K," of course) was created by the Bushies to accomplish two key goals: disrupt oil supplies so when the US finishes stealing all the black gold from Iraq, the prices will remain high; and kill lots of black people, who historically tend to vote Democrat, so the GOP can dominate the South.

Those blacks who didn't die were to be disenfranchised by being labeled "refugees," one of the most insulting and racist terms in the English language, so demeaning it has often been used in the past to describe Jews.

See how the conspiracy all fits together?

But the plan almost failed. Despite the best efforts of the weather masters at NASA, Katrina hit to the east of New Orleans, allowing the levees to hold. Then, suddenly, the levees failed nearly a day later. What really happened?

To find out, consider this question from a sharp-eyed reporter at the Bush/Clinton hurricane aid press conference: "How do you respond to rumors that the levees were intentionally opened?"

Aha! Caught again! The levee system, which withstood the hurricane itself, had to be blown the next day, using a secret, silent explosive developed by the Pentagon for the Contras in Nicaragua back in the '80sall funded by the CIA thanks to profits from selling crack to inner-city blacks.

The levees were breached, the city was flooded. Next came step three: forcing all the rescue boats, trucks and buses to sit idle on the outskirts of New Orleans for a week, waiting for more black people to die.

Why, of course that's what happened. Oh, sure, you could blame FEMA's horrifically incompetent performance on the fact that the head of FEMA is a nitwit named Michael Brown whose previous "emergency management" experience was running horse sows for the International Arabian Horse Associationa job he was forced out of due to incompetence. But that's the easy, obvious answer the conspirators want you to buy.

Congressman Elijah Cummings of the Black Caucus saw right through that. The people in New Orleans could have been rescued, as he put it, "in a snap," but they weren't because they were black. Instead, "poverty, age or skin color" determined who lived and died in this storm, Cummings told reporters.

Hilary Shelton, head of the DC NAACP, was even more specific: "Boatloads of white Americans [were] taken away from New Orleans, while thousands of African-Americans were left behind."

In other words, Louisiana National Guardsmen, New Orleans cops (those who actually showed up for work or weren't too busy looting local Wal-Marts) and Red Cross workers were all sitting in their trucks ready to go into the city, but waited patiently while FEMA managers told them "Can't go in yettoo many black people still alive! Let's wait 'til we get a few more floaters."

Some dismiss this theory as paranoid nonsense, pointing out that many of those Guardsmen, cops and volunteers were black, too, and would likely object to being part of such a murderous, racist plot.

Ah, but I haven't told you about the Karl Rove Mind-Control Ray, now have I?

There's no reason to hide it anymore. Even rap stars like Kanya West have figured it out. "George Bush doesn't like black people." Just ask Condi Rice, Rod Paige or Colin Powell. Air America's Randi Rhodes knows it. She said the Bush is happy when black people are dying. That's why he signed a bill sending $10.5 billion in hurricane relief, much of it going to black communities in Louisiana and Mississippi.

When members of the Congressional Black Caucus compare conditions at the Houston Astrodome to slavery; when Jesse Jackson, Jr. defends the right of looters to steal plasma TVs in order to eat (there's a recipe I'd like to have); when Randall Robinson "reports" that "black hurricane victims in New Orleans have begun eating corpses to survive" (a recipe I'd rather skip); when these unfounded charges are repeated again and again, inflaming racial tension at a time of great national tragedywhat these courageous leaders of America's black community are really saying is "It doesn't matter how many millions of white Americans send how many billions in aid and charity to those suffering along the Gulf. America is still racist and we know it! You can't fool us!"

And I ask you, in all honesty: Who can argue with logic like that?

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