Herding Children

3 children disappearing

I’ve come to realise now that little Ned is walking that any trip out becomes an exercise in herding children. With two children you can hold each of their hands, when you have three it becomes a case of herding them along, shouting commands and hoping they don’t mow down any pensioners who stumble in their way.

The other thing I’ve noticed is that at any one time there is always a child who is crying or demanding attention in some sort of way. This makes certain day trips more of a challenge. For example, sitting in a peaceful bird hide on a nature reserve or a cinema trip which seems to require more trips to the toilet than we normally have in one entire day.

I can only assume that herding children is a way of life for those with more than two children, there must be some manuals on the best techniques. Do I need to train them to respond to a whistle? Do I need to develop some skills similar to a sheep dog? Where does one learn these skills?

The other slight issue is that little Ned simply says ‘bye’ and then walks off. He doesn’t look back, which means I need to have eyes in the back of my head for him when he isn’t in the pushchair. I’ve trained the older children to attempt to rugby tackle him to the ground and stop him from going off. Obviously this is a vicious circle because then one or the other child will inevitably end up crying. Help!