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Satanist Dolphin Masseuse

Posted: Tue, Aug 2, 2016

Location:Delhi and AgraAuthor:Hannah W.

This morning we woke up way too early. Wen had warned me about my fate of the early wake-up last night, but some part of me had denied my torturous future until this morning, when I was being screamed at until I was forced to get up. Tears were streaming down my face. What horrible, horrible torture it was to wake up at 6:30 AM, when nothing with a soul should ever me awake. After shedding my final tears in mourning the loss of my sleep, I trudged downstairs, where I found my groupmates looking fully awake. I am now convinced that they are not fully human.

We began our journey to THAT PLACE WHERE WE WERE GOING (shh, you’ll find out when we get there) by waiting half an hour at the train station. In case you, faithful reader, didn’t know: homeless people find no shame in following your group around for half an hour begging for money and will only leave when guards reading newspapers yell at them. On two hour train ride, most of us listened to music while Elliot cuddled with Big Kiwi Guy from New Zealand.

Then, we got to THAT PLACE WHERE WE WERE GOING. In THAT PLACE WHERE WE WERE GOING, we weren’t allowed to bring earbuds, food items, crayons, or books. Because books are very dangerous items and someone could do some real damage by providing education. God forbid. When we finally got into THAT PLACE WHERE WE WERE GOING, we saw why crayons weren’t allowed: SOMEONE HAD DRAWN IN RED CRAYON ON THE TAJ MAHAL.

We were at the Taj Mahal. And yes, some kid had drawn on the wall with red crayon.Suddenly, we all understood the ban on crayons.

The Taj Mahal was very impressive, especially how each individual marble glowed under a flashlight inside. But, while we came to see the building, it appeared that the Indian tourists had come to see US. All of a sudden, I knew how zoo animals feel. We were in a zoo. A tourist zoo where westerners are the most exotic animals. Never again will I take pictures of the animals inside their cages, giving them no choice in the matter, for that was what was being done tous. And no matter how much we huddled around Elliot like he was our very confused bodyguard, the photos never stopped.

After we left the Taj Mahal, we went to lunch and had delicious Indian food. Then, we were on the road again. For four hours. It was the highlight of my trip. But hey, at least I wasn’t trapped in the Chauvinist Mobile.

We got back and had some free time, in which we scrolled through some dank memez. Then, we had Indian food for dinner and said a tearful goodbye to Elliot. Never again will we see the likes of such a memester. Such dank. Very meme. Goodbye, Elliot. Goodbye.