Bush Has All the Answers

By Alan DiCara

The following is not a press conference I conducted with President
Bush. Feel free to pass it around and send it to your elected
officials.

Q (by Mr. DiCara): Good morning, President Bush. Welcome to Meet
the People.

A (by Mr. Bush): Attack Iraq.

Q: Now that you have vanquished the Democrats in the midterm
elections by raising tons more money from special interests and
scaring the heck out of everyone about Iraq, can you tell the America
people how you intend to lead the nation?

A: Attack Iraq.

Q: We know there am some 50 million Americans without any health
insurance, Mr. Bush. How will your administration address this
problem?

A: Attack Iraq.

Q: The stock market is going up and down like a roller coaster
and even Republicans, who have lost the most in their portfolios, are
beginning to lose confidence in your leadership in this area. How do
you propose to improve the economy for the millions who have lost
jobs and the millions who have lost heavily in the stock markets?

A: Attack Iraq.

Q: Where is Osama bin Laden, Mr. Bush, and how do you plan to
capture him and bring him to justice? Aren't he and his murdering
bands a greater threat to national and international security than
any others?

A: Attack Iraq, Attack Iraq!

Q: Mr. Bush, the balance of payments deficit continues to grow as
the US continues to import many more goods and services than it
exports, just as we continue to export well-paying jobs and factories
to Mexico and Asia and still more money to OPEC for oil imports,
leaving Americans and our once great economy in the dust How will you
restore America to its former economic glory?

A: Attack Iraq.

Q: Mr. Bush, regarding foreign policy in South and Central
America, where almost as many people are eating out of garbage pails
and dumps as there are here in the US, what is your plan to address
the financial distress of these friends and neighbors as well as of
our fellow Americans who find their cupboards bare? And what is your
plan to help those in other countries around the globe, as well?

A: Attack Iraq, Attack Iraq!

Q: Mr. Bush, the US ranks 13th in education throughout the world.
What is your plan for making America and its school children #1 in
the world?

A: Attack Iraq.

Q: Mr. Bush, you promised the Palestinians a homeland, a state of
their own, and you have promised Israel protection of their state and
peace in our time. What is your plan to achieve these goals?

A: Attack Iraq.

Q: Mr. Bush, throughout your campaign, you begged the American
people to deliver you a Republican Congress so that you could attack
Iraq. Can you tell the American people when you plan to invade Iraq,
replace Saddam Hussein and destroy all his weapons of mass
destruction, especially in light of his apparent compliance with all
UN resolutions to date ... and do you think Saddam intends to foster
a "regime change" in the US by simply complying with all UN
resolutions?

A: Attack Iraq. Attack Iraq!

Q: Mr. Bush, world-renowned scientists report that we may lose
the ozone layer, have carbon-based gases overtake our planet and
begin destroying ecosystems all over the world &emdash; including the
inundation of highly populated coastal areas &emdash; while you have
called for studying these problems for 10 more years at the behest of
"vested interests." How will the US defend the world against future
eco-terrorists whose current, carbon gas-producing activities
threaten the entire planet?

A: Attack Iraq.

Q: Mr. Bush, the US spends almost one-half-trillion dollars for
national security, and yet many Americans do not feel secure. Why is
this and what can be done about restoring confidence in America's
defense establishment?

A: Attack Iraq.

Q: Mr. Bush, many elderly are losing buying power due to low
Social Security payments &emdash; some 40% of their pay at
retirement, as opposed to some 70% for retirees in European
countries. If America is the greatest, wealthiest nation in the
world, why can't we do better for our retirees and for their Social
Security?

A: Attack Iraq.

Q: Mr. Bush, each and every state in the Union, including
Connecticut, faces large deficits due to a weak national economy.
What is your plan to address this serious financial problem and to
restore consumer confidence in the US?

A: Attack Iraq.

Q: Mr. Bush, banks in Japan are in debt to the tune of some half
a trillion dollars. What will you do to assist the Japanese in their
time of financial crisis?

A: Attack Iraq.

Q: Mr. Bush, Americans get only one or two weeks paid vacation
per year while Europeans get nine; what are your plans to improve
Americans' living standards to surpass those in Europe?

A: Attack Iraq.

Q: Mr. Bush, what if the world, via the UN, feels Saddam Hussein
has complied with all UN resolutions and that all sanctions should be
lifted, enabling Iraq to feed, clothe, house and buy medicine for its
people. Will you still have the US unilaterally attack Iraqi and what
about the rest of the world?

A: Attack Iraq anyway and, if the other nations of the world
disagree and chicken out, I say attack them too. Hang all their hides
on the Crawford, Texas, barnyard wall!

Q: Mr. Bush, if you fail to "get" Osama just as your father
failed to "get" Saddam, can the American people count on one of your
daughters to go after Osama in 10 or 20 years to accomplish what you
refused to do'?

Q: Mr. Bush, we understand that prominent Saudi officials have
denied knowing they supported terrorists by giving money to the poor,
and while we Americans understand that our president understands
this, especially after meeting with them at your ranch in Texas, can
you explain whether these or other prominent Saudi citizens still
provide funds to religious "madrassas" whose teachings instill hatred
against all Americans?

A. Attack Iraq.

Q: Mr. Bush, you and Republicans and the big drug companies
promised all Americans affordable access to prescription drugs by
first transferring billions in taxpayer dollars into the coffers of
insurance companies, and then into the coffers of the prescription
drug companies. Would it not be less expensive to simply follow our
friends, the Canadians, and pass a law preventing the ripping off of
innocent people who rely on these prescription drugs instead of
wasting billions in taxes?

A: Attack Iraq. Attack Iraq!

Q: Mr. Bush, do you have a one-track mind or are you just plain
stupid?

A: Attack Iraq! Attack Iraq!

On behalf of Meet the People, thank you, Mr. Bush.

Alan DiCara lives in Winsted, Conn. This originally appeared in
the Winstead Voice.