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Sunday, September 12, 2010

Reason for the absence

I've been thinking about this post for a while now. Thinking how much I would say. What I would say. I guess I'll tell the whole thing...

On Aug 5 (which happens to be our anniversary) Brian and I found out that we were pregnant with our second baby. We were excited, but apprehensive. Unlike our pregnancy with Olivia, we have recently known several families who have miscarried and so we were careful about telling people for a few weeks. I was very sick with fatigue and nausea (thats actually why I went to the doctor, not expecting that we were--expecting) and could hardly get off the couch or out of the bathroom to take care of Olivia. We took this as a good sign, that my hormones were crazy. About a week and half ago I went in for a check up and found out that we were over nine weeks pregnant and there was a heartbeat on the sonogram. My doctor said now our chance of miscarriage was 3%. We were ecstatic. The next day I went to the imaging center to get a specific due date and not only was there no heartbeat, but the chest cavity was filled with fluid. The baby had not made it.

Being the day before a long weekend made things difficult. My doctor called while we were at the center and gave us our options...wait to see if my body would miscarry on its own, initiate the miscarriage with drugs, or a dnc. The drugs were supposed to have a high rate of success so I chose the medicine, but would not take it until the week since my family had already planned to be in all weekend. After a great weekend with my family Tuesday came and all of the realities of the previous week with it. I was physically unable to take the pills Tuesday--it just didn't sit well with me. Finally Wednesday I took the medicine and started to miscarry a few hours later. I went in for a sonogram a few days later and they confirmed that I had passed all of the tissue.

Since Wednesday I have spent almost all day on the couch. It was physically more crippling than actually giving birth in the long run. I am still recovering physically.

Emotionally Brian and I are doing mostly well. Of course we were devastated, especially considering the first sonogram. We did not understand--still do not understand what happened or what God has in store for our family. But if anything, the past year and a half has taught us so much about His sovereignty and our need for patience. We have spent the last week and a half celebrating the family we have--eachother and our darling little girl. We have already been given so much and are relishing in the wonderful weather and the time we have together.

We will appreciate any prayers. It is still difficult for me to take care of Olivia while Brian is gone at work and I cannot ask him to stay home any longer. Olivia is doing wonderfully--starting to kick to crawl and can now hold herself up on all fours--balance being a bit of an issue, but we'll get there. Brian will be getting busier and busier for the fall in the next few weeks. His Bible study at UMKC starts next week and we would LOVE for that to go well. Promise, promise, promise I will post more pictures of the fam, especially Olivia soon and we will be posting more often now. Thanks for the brief break.

Kelly I am so so sorry... The words of Isaiah 53 were comforting to me when I miscarried a few months ago. We'll be praying for you now, and in the weeks to come. Please let me know if there's anything I can do.

my heart is so heavy for you guys. i know we don't know each othe that well but i pray for you and your little chicken (babino) often. i hope you're feeling better and i'll continue to pray for more healing.

We are a physically present family of 3, still learning what it means to both miss and remember our first daughter, Olivia, who went to be with Jesus in July of 2012. We are always struggling, but finding joy and hope in Jesus.