What a marvelous world we live in. My wonderful husband Kit and I went with dear friends to watch the Super Moon rise. Only we went on the 30th . . . one day before full. Full moons are lovely. But, the moon one day before full was still 99% full and it rose 64 minutes earlier! That matters to those of us who rise early and go to bed early.

One good thing about full moons is that they are predictable. I could actually look up the times and percentages. But I couldn’t help but think that our world is suffused with beautiful moments — like this photo I took while waiting for the Moon Rise Main Event.

It was an unexpected delight! I just hadn’t seen the clouds. Not until I took a photo.Just clouds. But they filled me with Joy. And Your World, God, is FILLED with small fleeting delights. I think there is a Japanese saying that Things that are Fleeting are More Beautiful?

It was LOVE/LUST at first sight with the iPhone. I wanted it. In fact, I wanted my Life to be just like the face of the iPhone — full of things clearly named and easily accessible. At the time I was using a Pearl Blackberry. But, I left that behind with never a backward glance.

The other day, while shopping in Costco, I fell into conversation with the spouse of a visiting classmate of Kit’s. A nice guy – clearly intelligent! We exchanged phone numbers and he commented on the nice interface of my iPhone. You don’t have an iPhone? I asked. No no, I have a clamshell he responded.

At dinner that night I mentioned to Kit my surprise that such a smart guy didn’t have an iPhone. We discussed possible reasons. No pushy children? No helpful grandchildren? I confess, God, that I was considering sending him a text on how to get to the nearest Apple store when Reality Broke Through!

This guy was Just Like Me! What he had WORKED. And there were lots and lots of things waiting for him to learn and discover. My beloved iPhone just wasn’t on his list. Hmm.

Once this Broader View took hold — I thought of things I wanted to learn to do, but hadn’t. Ah yes, learning takes focus . . . and focus takes energy . . . and then there is the little matter of commitment. All of those things are helped by Desire. Wanting something is the first step toward getting it.

Well, yes, God. Maybe THAT is the real problem. I am quite happy with my life as it is. I’d have to say that I’m good with Gratitude. . . and now I’m realizing that being grateful definitely reduces my desire to learn, grow and change.

Mostly I think of growth as a slow progression from bud to fruit . . . green to ripe. Simple. Ah! But now I am finally realizing the GROWTH for Humans is much more complex. In fact, this morning it came to me that I am in need of a MOLT. And even odder yet, it is an internal relational molt — yes, within me.

I realized that I was constrained by old cultural norms. DUH! Aren’t we ALL constrained by old out dated outworn norms. Norms that have always been with us. Norms we don’t challenge. We don’t challenge and change if we don’t SEE them. So, that realization is (I HOPE) the last lesson from this Instructive Illness I’m in.

But, then another idea followed! If I as an individual need periodic Molts — how much more our society as a whole needs frequent Molts! Old ideas that are no longer helpful! Daniel Quinn’s book Beyond Civilization is FULL of molts!

The one that hit me was about how there are jobs that we do — like repaving roads and filling pot holes — that are never done. Never FINISHED. Quinn suggests that we consider HOMELESSNESS like that. We continue working to help those we can. But, then instead of “criminalizing” those we can’t help — we see HOW we can help them — as in listen to them. He starts this riff in chapter 110 and had some really good ideas. (I’m in chapter 114.)

Does acceding mean we approve of folks being homeless? Not at all. But, it does mean having a lot more variety and creativity in how we work with our fellow human beings. Hmm. I think I am going to send this to my state senator! It’s Time for a societal molt on homelessness!

Believing as deeply as I do that You love us . . . I am coming to believe that my Painful, Long Hidden — Wrong Responses — can be used to help me rebuild. The idea seems to be that when one of these Dark Spots surfaces I can go back into it. Be with my Wounded/Wounding Self. Feel with it. And then ask — if you could do this over again – what would you do?

Sometimes a response comes quickly . . . sometimes I sit grieving with my Earlier Self and wondering what could I have done. But, the very act of Being With . . . is rebuilding more than I know.

Once I feel clear on what I wish I had done . . . I make it my Intention. Somehow that helps. I have rebuilt or maybe re-welcomed a Locked up Part of me. It is a beginning. And that beginning ripples out — wider and deeper than I know.

Here is a poem after Centering:

Intentions are outside of Time

I didn’t know that
Maybe I still don’t
How can that be?

Because Intentions reside in a
DeeperSafer Place

Oh😊 I like that!

We are always connected
And we can go back
Via Courage and Compassion
To Dark Spots and gently ask
Our younger Frozen self
Now that I am with you
Let us imagine
What we MIGHT have done?

It may come in a flash
Of knowing

Or perhaps we need to stay there with
The Wounded/Wounding One
Stay until SHE CAN imagine a better response

I’m toward the end of my Second Instructional Illness — I hope. It was several months ago when I “heard” You say, “You can stay home on Tuesdays and Fridays or you can have a series of instructional illnesses.” That got my attention! And I did manage to stop a longstanding meeting on my Fridays. And, mostly, I don’t have anything that I do on those days — regularly. I do however, add in an occasional This or That. Yes, it is true I add them with some frequency. So, is that part of the reason for my protracted ear infection?

Yes, but, here is a Key Point: I was on the Mainland for 33 days this Fall tending to family business. Actually, I was working on Remedial Mothering. How could I not go? Yes, I guess “trusting my daughter to You” was a passive sort of option. But it was so CLEAR that I was TO GO! As always, it turned out that I was not going just to “help” her but for myself to BE HELPED! I had holes in my soul that needed mending. My visit took me on a difficult inward journey toward integration and wholeness.

However, it did massively drain my Inner Battery.

The word Growing fails utterly to capture the wrenching seismic upheavals I went through. I came home thankful but so very depleted. I thought I was smart taking One Whole Week off to “recover” when I returned home. One Week? How woefully inadequate!

I needed MORE time off and this illness has forced me to cancel . . . more and more. And letting go of Doing Things I Love . . . has been a Lovely Lesson. I’m grateful! And I’m learning that these lessons are mostly so I will love myself more. They are not so You will love me more! You already love infinitely.

Just now as I was climbing the stairs after dinner I was flooded with a Profound Sense of Wellness — sick or not. I am WELL. Truly, All is WELL with my SOUL!

My first walk in weeks! A persistent ear infection has left me VERY aware of my need to rebuild and recover. I know that moving . . . using the body . . . is part of healing. But, I just wanted to curl up and nap. So, I am thankful for my wonderful husband Kit walking with me around the middle sized loop in our valley. My mindset is definitely on self care and self encouragement.

And speaking of Mindsets — yesterday a friend brought Carol Dweck’s book Mindset: The New Psycology of Success,to the book group I was with and asked if anyone had read it? I said that I had. And she turned on me saying, “WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME ABOUT IT?!”

Gosh, I thought I had raved about it in a blog or two several years ago. But that didn’t cut it! I was guilty of failing to SHARE!

So, we are reading Mindset for our February meeting. And I am eager to reread it. I want to see if Dr. Dweck says anything about how difficult/painful/exhausting it is to grow in ways that violate inner norms.

It isn’t idle curiosity.This fall I did just that. WOW! I had no idea how much support I would need to speak openly about “taboo” topics.

This morning, looking at the beautiful guava blossom I realized that we humans don’t follow the annual cycle of growth and reproduction that plants do. Golly, this morning I read about a banded albatross who at 67 years of age had a healthy chick. OK OK I’m not into THAT MUCH GROWTH!

But, it is sad that so many of us feel DONE at 21. You are never done with us. Always You long to participate with us in our molting and growing and expanding!