Q. I am a stay-at-home dad and have been one for the past 30 years. My wife just retired as an (aggressive) assistant prosecutor and has not yet figured out what she wants to do next. At the moment she is at home — full time. I work at home tutoring high school students on their college essays and entry exams. I am happy my wife is home; however she speaks loudly on the telephone and invades my space when I work with students around the living table. We had an initial retirement chat which seems to have faded. Any suggestions?W.G.

Dear W.G.

I think we have a problem.

“I married you for better or worse, but not for lunch” is attributed to Maryon Pearson, wife of the 14th prime minister of Canada, Lester Bowles Pearson. Many husbands, wives and partners identify with this quote.

Victoria Lambert who writes for the Telegraph in the United Kingdom describes the situation using the term “RHS,” which stands for the “retired husband syndrome.” It’s the stress suffered by women when their partners give up work. Although your situation is a reversal of gender, we might name your case the RWF or the “Retired Wife Syndrome.” The dynamics likely are similar.

In the beginning, everything may go smoothly. This is the initial stage often thought of as the honeymoon stage. Then reality sets in punctuating differing expectations. To continue your conversation, consider the following steps based on an important process – communication.

Sit down with your wife and share your concerns. Yes, make time for this.

Help her think through the kinds of things she might enjoy. Talk about what she loved about her work. Some of those aspects can be carried over into retirement.

Suggest she speak with friends who are already retired and get a few tips.

Describe how you spend your time.

Address the subject of private physical space. Determine if you need separate spaces – an office, den or art studio. Then reorganize.

Discuss the subject of private “mental space.” Do you both need some time alone?

Talk about the type of time you want to spend together and the time apart.

Address household tasks. Is your wife anticipating a change? Would you welcome help, even if the work done is not your way?

Remind her that retirement is a merger, not a takeover!

If this is so easy, why don’t more couples discuss their relationship in retirement? Here are some reasons, as reported by many of the 15,000 employees with whom I have worked.

“If it is not broken, don’t fix it.” Let’s assume that a 35-year marriage has been very good. There never was a need to have a discussion like this. Why now? Now is a perfect time. Retirement is a new phase of life. Expectations are high and more time is available.

“No one else seems to be talking about it.” Women may talk to other women about their time in retirement. What’s missing is that they are not talking to their husbands. It’s too hard. It is difficult to communicate on an honest and personal level if you have never done this before. Habits are hard to break. However, it is never too late. Even with a retirement conversation, it is not uncommon for partners or mates to have a completely different understanding of the same conversation. This finding is reported by Roberta Taylor and Dorian Mintzer in their book “The Couple’s Retirement Puzzle: 10 Must-Have Conversations for Creating an Amazing New Life Together” (Sourcebooks, Inc. 2014). The chapter which addresses this subject is aptly entitled: Time Together: I Love You and I Need My Space.”

The authors suggest some ground rules in setting the scene for a dialogue. They call it BLAST.

B – Blaming gets in the way.L – Listen without interrupting.A – Agree to disagree and don’t make assumptions.S – Set a safe place for discussion.T – Take time to talk without distraction.

W.G., Thank you for raising the issue. Having an honest exchange of expectations, preferences and desires about how you want to live – day to day- in this new time is a critical step. It may make the difference between an OK retirement experience and a fabulous one. Go for the fabulous.

Helen Dennis is a nationally recognized leader on issues of aging, employment and retirement with academic, corporate and nonprofit experience. She has received awards for her university teaching at USC’s Davis School, Andrus Gerontology Center and for her contributions to the field of aging, the community and literary arts. She has edited two books and written more than 100 articles and has frequent speaking engagements. She is the weekly columnist on Successful Aging for the Southern California Newspaper Group, and has assisted more than 15,000 employees in preparation for the non-financial aspects of retirement. In her volunteer life, she has served as president of five nonprofit organizations. Fully engaged in the field of aging, she was a delegate to a White House Conference on Aging and is co-author of the Los Angeles Times bestseller, "Project Renewment®: The First Retirement Model for Career Women." Helen has extensive experience with the media including Prime Time, NPR, network news, the Wall Street Journal, Los Angeles Times, Sacramento Bee and Christian Science Monitor. She recently has been recognized by PBS Next Avenue as one of the 50 influencers in aging for 2016. For more information, visit www.HelenMDennis.com. Or, follow her on Facebook at www.facebook.com/SuccessfulAgingCommunity.