“There is no danger. The fighting is over, and this is personal.” – Padme Amidala

The power of silence, it has an immense energy like no other source. It has the ability to allow us to rationalize and to act, it can (sometimes) help ease the mind and quiet our emotional storms, and it is a powerful ally like no other…it is, in a sense, a personal prayer.

Not only is silence an important key in our own daily lives, but it’s also a significant element in movie making. George is no exception to this; in fact he embraced that influential power and incorporated it throughout the Saga.

One scene in particular is when Padme leaves her safe haven on Coruscant, as what she constitutes as a “Personal Mission.” What we see next is so emotionally compelling, that it leaves us, the viewer to feel Padme’s intimate anguish of despair. Her world, as she knew it had reached a crescendo; Shatter-point.

As the Naboo skiff lands on Mustafar, it begins; Padme’s Prayer. All that has transpired with the Republic, the downfall of the Jedi, the birth of the Galactic Empire, and worst of all (to her, personally) are the words that still echo in the back of her mind…. “Padmé, Anakin has turned to the Dark Side. I have seen a security hologram… of him… killing Younglings.”-Obi-wan Kenobi

The visage we are given on the screen is priceless, its magnitude speaks volumes and suddenly the poignancy of a past description rings ominously true… “She was very beautiful… kind … but sad.” This was an ingenious way of connecting two moments with such empowering significance. And in my opinion, it worked.

She perches her forehead upon her hand and takes a ragged breath. As her eyes look up, we see two dark ebony pools ready to spill over and flood her flushed cheeks, she is already….broken. This is it, its’ do or die. The Politician exterior no longer exists, she is completely exposed, vulnerable; she has let go. Conceal don’t feel has no meaning to her at this point, it’s all or nothing. There’s nowhere to run, she reflects and her incarnation begins. Through her silence, those seconds of prayer, she embodies her faith and doesn’t look back.

As Anakin’s silhouette emerges, she instinctively runs to greet him. Unknowingly, delivering herself to the clutches of a Sith Hell and willingly, resting her heart, her soul, her unborn child(ren), and her fate in the hands of her seduced husband. She has made a choice, she won’t leave without him, there is good in him, she knows…there’s still…

Self Reflection

This is why Star Wars lives on, it hits home to all of us that love it so. Whether it’s a character that we relate to, or a catch phrase, line or dialog, a specific scene, some aspect of it connects with us on an individual level that it becomes personal. For me, this is that moment. When I look into Padme’s eyes, it’s a mirror into my soul. I’ve been there, sitting in that exact seat, facing my own fiery pits of hell. How to choose is the most difficult decision to make. What’s at stake and at what cost? The fear of the unknown is scarier than any hell you’re already living in. In fact, the beaten path is always easier to take than the less traveled. It took me 13 years to allow that inferno to build walls around me, until one night, like Padme I reached my Shatter-point.

Some of you, those that are close to me, know my connection to this scene. For those that do not, I am a survivor of DV; Domestic Violence. Those years, those are my Dark Times, my personal Clone Wars. If it weren’t for Star Wars and this amazing community, I probably wouldn’t be here today writing this blog. I thank the Maker each day for giving us this gift, for without it, I’d be lost. The fandom is forever expanding and there’s no better time to be a Star Wars fan than right now!

Again, I appreciate you stopping by to read my musings. If you have any questions or comments, please don’t be shy, I enjoy the feedback. If you wish to reach me directly, do so here: beccab@coffeewithkenobi.com

I’m also on twitter @urangelb

And coming soon, to a Cantina not so far, far away… The Cantina Cast Podcast! Yes, it’s true! I’ll be joining forces with Mike and Joao at their wretched hive of scum and villainy as they re-launch their website. More details coming soon…. On twitter @thecantinacast and www.facebook.com/TheCantinaCast

21 Comments

Lots to absorb here, Becca. Your courage in not only surviving, but being willing to share your struggle is immensely admirable, and I’m so glad you’re a part of this community.

Of course, now I have to g back and watch ROTS again, so thank you for giving me a reason 🙂

It’s amazing how silence can be a blessing or a curse. It can be quiet, and yet deafening. It can be a powerful ally or a dangerous weapon, so I hope we can all be as mindful of our silences as we are of our words and actions.

As always, you made me think. I can’t decide if that’s good or bad. I’ll be sitting silently in the corner while I ponder 🙂

Becca Benjamin

Thank you, Jeff 🙂 I appreciate your kind words, more than you know. It’s encouraging. Sometimes you have to completely “let go” and expose yourself (at least a bit) in order to get a point across. If I at least reached one person with this article, then I succeeded. 🙂

Becca Benjamin

lovelucas

Finally – someone is able to explain the death of Padmé that would (I hope) be accepted by all those who complain that losing the will to live doesn’t work….oh, yes, it does. And all you need to know is what you wrote here – she was already b-r-o-k-e-n and knew this was an all or nothing – and final – rendezvous with Anakin. Shatterpoint, indeed. Nice citation of Mace and Matt Stover.

Jay Krebs

((((Hugs)))) to you, my friend.
I remember all too vividly when you were at this point in your life, but more powerfully the way you have been a pillar of strength and perseverance for not only your own good, but that of your precious padawans. Thank the Maker, indeed, that Star Wars and everything/everyone it has been to you has helped bring you through to the healthy place in your life now. 😀

Congrats on your newest endeavor, as well! I don’t know how you have time for it all, girl! Are you sure you don’t have a clone? ! 😉

Becca Benjamin

Love you, Jay 🙂 <3
You were definitely there for me in such a way that I can't possibly put into words, literally! Thank you for all you've done and continue to do. SW is our eternal bond and I'll cherish that as long as I live.

And no, I don't have a clone, but I sure wish I did lol!
Thanks for the support on my newest journey, I'm excited and there's more too….but I need to remain "silent" for now…. 😉

It’s great that you mentioned being a survivor of DV because some believe that ROTS “romanticized” Anakin and Padme’s “abusive” relationship. That’s a load of crap and I never bought that for one second.

Becca Benjamin

To be honest, their relationship is probably what attracts me the most to the entire saga. Mainly because, it ISN’T perfect and it wasn’t portrayed that way either IMO. It was meant to be difficult, trying, and yes, romantic. Romantic because it was “Forbidden”, in a Romeo and Juliette sense. Padme was like heroine to Anakin, he couldn’t get enough of her, hence his line “Just being around her again is intoxicating.” For her, he was everything that was foreign to her. He was once a slave and now a Jedi, off limits and yet, he was “Fresh” with her, flirtatiously advancing until he won her over.

Being a survivor of domestic violence helps me to see between the black and white of their relationship. It wasn’t always hearts and flowers, it couldn’t be. She knew it going in and she chose it anyway. She trusted the idea of love and in him, his love for her. Unfortunately, Vader suppressed it and what was left of the man she loved; Anakin didn’t stand a chance.

Sorry, my thoughts got the better of me 🙂
Thanks for commenting!

Melinda

Oh, Becca … what can I say? As I read your blog, I had an inkling of where you were headed. I hope you don’t mind my saying that. I’ve known you long enough, and have been honored to be brought into your inner sanctum, that the signs were there as you wrote … and shared. You have shared something incredibly personal — quite a brave act! 🙂 — that I am compelled to say …

YOU ARE SO BRAVE AND SO STRONG! 😀

You took that leap of faith — that leap that needed to be taken for your well-being, and that of your children’s. And look where you are now! 🙂

more…

Becca Benjamin

Thank you, Melinda 🙂
I’m truly humbled by these responses. Honestly, I didn’t see it like that, not at all. This moment, it really speaks to me. In order to bring that to fruition, I had to allow myself that vulnerability to make the connection.

As I said in my post, SW touches all of us in some personal way, this just happens to be mine. That’s why our community is so powerful, we all have a story and SW is the bond/glue that holds us together. 🙂

Melinda

… In regard to Padmé, I never really considered those moments aboard her starship … pondering what had become of Anakin … what would become of their relationship … what the future might hold for her child(ren) and her …

She’s bound for somewhere specific … but more than anything else, she really is bound for the unknown. If what Obi-Wan told her was true — if there was no way to bring Anakin back — then everything would be lost. At least for her. Could she cope? Could she go on? Would she want to? She entered that relationship with Anakin knowing there would be HUGE hurdles along the way. Goodness, their relationship was forbidden as far as the Jedi Order was concerned! Maybe if the war had not gotten in the way, the two lovers could have found a way to make their union known. Who’s to say? Isn’t it interesting how real life (even in the imaginary world of Star Wars 😉 ) gets in the way of one’s plans? 😉

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Melinda

… You know I have issues with Padmé’s giving up on life — especially since she had her children for whom to live. Maybe — just maybe — in the back of her tortured, broken mind (how astute of you to identify this!), she considered that the twins would be looked after by the Jedi (in some capacity; she could not know that Leia would be adopted by the Organas, and that Luke would go to live with his aunt and uncle). She trusted that the Jedi would make sure they were safe — given the fact that, while she believed there still was some good in Anakin, the babies needed to be protected from their father. At least for the time being. I know this was not verbalized, but maybe Padmé believed this. And this was why she was able to let go as she did. If Anakin couldn’t be a part of her future, maybe she didn’t see much of a future for herself. With the twins safe, she could allow herself to succumb to death.

While I like your interpretation of what Padmé was experiencing en route to Mustafar, I must admit I still have a bit of a problem with Padmé giving up on life. Maybe I always will. Padmé letting go at the end went against my interpretation of who I always thought she was, how George Lucas developed her character (until that last scene when she was alive). Quite honestly, I think this is the reason — more than anything else — that I have a problem with Padmé losing her will to live.

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Melinda

… Finally, to your musings about silence … the anguish outlined on Padmé’s face, Becca — really, she is an open book at that moment (you chose the perfect picture! 🙂 ). You are so right — she no longer is the close-faced politician masking any emotions that might underlie her resolve on any particular piece of legislation. She is a woman in love, soon to be a parent, and the bottom has fallen out from under her. She has so much to contemplate in a relatively short period of time. The turmoil of thoughts that must have swirled around in her head!

We all need quiet moments of reflection … they help guide us. It’s obvious Padmé didn’t have a single quiet moment as she headed for Mustafar. There were too many unknown variables at play … and even those went askew the moment Obi-Wan revealed himself …

Never shy about sharing my comments, thoughts about what you have written, I hope you don’t mind that I have been (as usual 😉 ) rather … verbose. 😉 You know I have a tendency to go off on tangents. 😉 Thank you so much for sharing your musings, your thoughtful take on a particular scene, and sharing something so personal about yourself. 🙂 I always walk away with new insight into the Star Wars Saga. I consider myself very lucky to know you, and call you my friend. 🙂

That image of Padme, that feeling of Padme, could very well be what Leia remembers of her mother through the Force. As you know, that moment, that connection, or lack of one, was what prompted me to finally stop lurking on Hyperspace, sign up, and start blogging.

Truly baring oneself is so difficult to do. It’s good to have the forum in which to do it.

I wasn’t there “that weekend,” but I remember well what you went through.

(((hugs)))

Becca Benjamin

It’s funny that you say that, about the photo being what Leia possibly remembered through the force…..my feelings exactly. And yes, I do recall that being the reason you joined Hyperspace…how I miss those days. We really had some good times, didn’t we?

I also remember those days and how we were all there for you! You have shown that it is possible to overcome the silence. You are so brave and strong in so many ways!

I have seen quite a bit of Anakin and Padme’s relationship in my own life and marriage as well. Where many may see an abusive relationship, I see a struggle with mental illness/health issues. I know that we talked when things here hit a “Shatter Point,” and I needed to take the necessary, yet difficult, steps to get the help that was needed. Although things are much better, it is a daily struggle for all of us that nobody looking from the outside can truly understand. I have been working through my thoughts for a new, very personal blog post on my own blog tying the relationship between Anakin and Padme and that between my husband and I. Whether the view is of Domestic Violence or Mental Illness, the point is that we all are able to find something with which to relate in this beloved saga. I am thankful that we were able to be there for you during those dark days…and I am so very thankful that you were there for me as well.

((HUGS)) <3

Becca Benjamin

I’m so happy to hear things are getting better for you and your loved ones. It’s hard to explain to others your personal tribulations/difficulties when they have not experienced similar situations. Yet, at the same time I know how important it is to have someone to talk to when things seem so overwhelming, it’s necessary to have some sort of safe outlet for yourself to seek refuge from the darkness.

Anytime you need to talk, I’m just a phone call away 🙂
Thank you (((Hugs)))

Blogger for Coffee With Kenobi, Personal Author for Steve Anderson Lucasfilm Illustrator & Artist, & Featured Blogger, Administrative Consultant, Copy Editor for The Cantina Cast.
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