hate to say this, but I think it is better if you get an idea of how lousy the film, Tauba Tauba is right at the start.

Picture this: 15-year-old Sunny (Amin Gazi), the central character of the film, is ogling at his pretty 30-something school teacher (Payal Rohatgi) along with two of his friends.

The said teacher is skipping in a very tight outfit. On seeing that she is being admired, she calls them over. His friends run away but Sunny goes ahead. He asks her what she is doing and she helpfully replies, "Exercising. Exercise karne se figure achchi hoti hai!"

Sunny then tells her that she looks like "USA", which, when I was in school, stood for 'Under Skirt Area'. The teacher thinks he is saying that she looks like an American, pinches his cheek and blushes.

I doubt if the teacher you had a crush on was so obliging. Mine certainly wasn't.

Most of the time Sunny plays a teenager whose loins are perpetually on fire. Nothing wrong with that; teenage boys -- rather any male with something dangling between the legs -- is apt to behave in such a fashion. But then a tasteful sex comedy, which is what the film is touted as, must capture the exuberance and irrationality of that testosterone-filled youth; that moment when a teenager sees a naked woman for the first time.

But here, we are shown that Sunny loves to peek inside ladies bathrooms, surf Web sites with names like 'Panty Peeks' and generally salivate at anything with mammary glands.

The first 15 minutes of the movie show him at school, singing with his friends and generally making an ass of himself.

The story -- if you can call it that -- begins when he goes for his winter vacation to his house in Pune.

There we are introduced to Rocky (Rocky Sandhu), his multimillionaire father's manager who owes Rs 1 million to "Sultan bhai" of Multan.

When his father -- who himself is no slouch when it comes to chasing skirts -- goes to London on some business, he leaves his son some blank cheques in case there is an emergency.

Rocky needs money, not only to pay off the debt, but also to make a movie with his model girlfriend Rubina (Monalisa).

Payal (our school teacher) also needs money to pay for her boyfriend's medical expenses.

Rocky promises to pay her the money if she can trap his boss' son. Payal then moves into Sunny's neighbourhood to seduce him.

For a good 30 minutes, the audience, and Sunny, is treated to Payal in bikinis, in a very revealing dress soaping her car, in bubbles luxuriating in her bathtub and in other such enlightening poses.

Soon, the two get introduced and Sunny gets the opportunity to rub her back and later, get her in the sack (later, Payal informs Sunny that they didn't have sex; he was just too drunk to remember anything. That way everyone's chastity is maintained).

But I am getting too far ahead.

After having 'sex' with him Payal plays dead. A panicky Sunny goes to Rocky and tells him what happened. Rocky then goes to the lovely neighbour's house, wraps a dummy in a sheet and tells Sunny to bury it. He also deftly clicks some snaps of Sunny burying the 'body'.

Soon Sunny gets a courier from a blackmailer threatening to expose him if he doesn't cough up Rs 10 million. Sunny has no option but to use his father's blank cheques.

But somewhere down the line, Payal gets guilt pangs and tells Sunny the truth. The rest of the movie is then about Sunny and Payal -- who wants to do pashchatap -- recovering the money from Rocky -- at least that is what I assume, because I, by then, had walked out of the theatre.

Now to the acting skills: Monalisa and Payal Rahtogi don't act, period. Gazi, and Rocky especially, would make Ramanand Sagar proud.

Going by Bollywood standards, there is a lot of skin on display. Before the film was released, both actresses -- Monalisa and Payal Rahtogi -- went on record to say that they don't mind stripping if the "role demands it", whatever that means. After such heart-stopping performances one can be sure that the two will get many challenging roles in future.

But it is doubtful if anyone would like to spend Rs 100 just to see a couple of women prancing around in colourful undies.

The music is bad. In fact, after watching the movie one can get an idea of how it was made. First, it was decided to hire two ladies who wouldn't mind taking off their clothes; then some songs were added to create the ambience while they took off their clothes; later somebody thought that the idea of a 15-year-old boy fantasising about a 25-year-old woman in bikinis would be swell; and in the end, since the story had to have some suspense, a twist was added and some third rate actors were hired to play the sundry other roles.

If you get your jollies from watching a little skin, do yourself a favour and don't spend money on this movie. Watch Wild On late night on AXN.