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I read your thread carefully, and it has left me speechless and even more paranoids than I already was.

that's way too much pressure for me to handle righy now. I don't have any other choice, but to stop attending meetings for a while. the mental toture i've put myself through this past few weeks is completely unnecessary. IT IS NOT WORTH IT! This situation is getting out of control. I cannot afford to loose my rationnality over this matter. I still need to study for my finals... For now that's what matters the most to me: taking care of my finals. I'll handle this situation when i'm in vacation.

It is my experience that when I'm in , i'm being bullied by influent members and when i'm out , i'm being tourmented by my conscience. Either way i'm unhappy, so I might as well stay in the org, be the nicest person that I can be, and wait for Yah to destroy Babylon the Great.

Oh sweetheart my heart goes out to you. You are being bullied by so-called true Christians but if you stay away your conscience torments you.

First of all why would a loving God destroy Babylon the Great as they call it? Which is just all the other people called Christians, like my little old mother in law of 85 and the other old ladies in her church. All the kids and babies that have been christened too? All the other religions too that kids are born into depending where they live in the world.

What does your conscience inside the real you tell you sweetheart? Surely that we should love and tolerate people from all different backgrounds, beliefs and cultures?

The conscience you are talking about is just cult programming from repetitive meetings and studies. That fades when you stop attending and then there will still be the real you, being 'the nicest person' you can be, as you put it. Without the bullies trying to find out all your business! I worry about you, please think carefully about this religion.

Esmeralda, what's going on is you are letting feelings of guilt dictate how you should act. I suffered greatly on account of this through out my life and only began to correct this issue recently. It makes you a target for manipulation and control by others as good people often are. My suggestion is to research this subject and talk about it with other students that are in that field of medicine. Learn to love yourself, I did. Took me the better part of fifty years to do so, don't make the same mistake I did life is so very short in this system. I'm still a believer but without any man made structure. I prefer to go to the Christ directly without any self serving middlemen. By all means take a break over the holidays, bonne idée jeune femme !

Pioneers and high-hour publishers who tend to work in
midweek field service form a gossip network. If you want to know what is going
on in the congregation, go out in midweek field service with a gossipy pioneer
and the whole car group will soon know, and then everyone else.

This is an unintended consequence of this culture. When a
person does tedious task with little to show for all the work, going from empty
house to empty house, riding from territory to territory to random return
visits, and finding creative ways to make one’s time, eventually people run out
of things to talk about. Gossip is an inevitable result. Anything that could be
juicy or mildly interesting. It is just human nature, no matter how counseled
against.

If the public knew how many records JWs took on them, they
would be alarmed. Even if a person doesn’t answer the door, their address can
be taken down on a not-at-home slip. If a person takes a magazine, a JW will
write any detail about that person so they have details in their return visit book for
later conversation. It's almost a "little black book" of interested ones.

Any perceived interest from a non-JW can be the subject of
an “experience” that can be related to other JWs in the car group or at the
Kingdom Hall when experiences are called for. Any detail a person brought up
might be mentioned. Sometimes a JW will brainstorm with other JWs on how better
to reason or reach such a person. No topic is off the table, no matter how
private.

Of course, a “Bible study” will be talked about as well. As
the expression “it takes a village to raise a kid”, the congregation mobilizes to
help sort of raise a “spiritually immature one”. You are viewed as a spiritual
child and they will try to “guide” you to “maturity”, that is to think and act
just like they. As parents discuss a child, so too they can discuss too.
Anything you’ve told your study conductor is easily fair game for discussion
with other JWs.