Monday, June 28

One of my childhood friends just went natural! Like me, she thought about doing it a while before she actually did. I asked her a few questions to find out why now was the right time.

Why did you decide to go natural?I decided to go natural for a few reasons. 1) I was tired of the rigorous routine of shampooing, conditioning and wrapping my hair--then sitting under the dryer, blowing dry the parts that were still wet, straightening my hair with my CHI iron, then curling it with a regular curling iron and re-wrapping it. Whew! 2) I wanted to work on making my natural hair healthy. 3) After getting my hair permed for 19 years, I wanted to see what my natural hair looked like.

How long was it from the time you thought about going natural until you actually did it?I initially had the thought last summer when my sister decided she was going to cut her daughter's perm off and grow out my niece's natural hair. I thought, if a nine-year-old can do it so can I. I committed to the idea on February 13, 2010 (after going through my usual hair washing routine). I originally planned to transition for nine months, but I opted to do the big chop after only four months!

Were you worried about what people would think?I wasn't really worried about what people would think. My friends and family have seen my hair in different styles and colors--long, really short, blonde, etc--so, this was just something else I wanted to try. I was more concerned with whether or not I would like it (since I would be the one dealing with and looking at it every day).

Do you miss anything about your permed hair?I can honestly say that there is nothing I miss about my permed hair. I love my natural curls! If I really wanted to achieve a permed look,though, all I would have to do is straighten my hair with a flat iron. With natural hair, I have that option! But I don't plan on doing that anytime soon.

What advice do you have for women who want to go natural?Just do it! Do it when you are ready and because you want to do it. It will be the best decision you ever make, and your hair will thank you for it!

Monday, June 21

Saturday, June 19

I watched “This Is It” for the first time last night (I know, I’m extremely late—but better late than never). I observed how Michael Jackson meticulously worked with musicians and dancers until they adjusted notes, timing, moves and overall stage presence to his liking. I saw him perform dance steps with such precision and energy in rehearsals that, some would agree, should have been reserved for the actual show. He held little back.

This movie reminded me that Michael Jackson is genius. Michael Jackson is near perfection. So, this post could easily be about how “little things matter” or “practice makes perfect,” but it’s not. It’s about diverting potential conflict.

There was a scene about middle-way through the movie that stuck out, to me. Michael was attempting to sing a Jackson 5 number, but he couldn’t hear the music properly because something was going wrong with his earphone. So, he went through the rehearsal not actually singing but trying to get on beat. After the song was over, an agitated and frustrated Michael told the producer that the sound was screwed up which was throwing everything off.

This could have brought about some tension, but Michael added a simple “with love” at the end of his short rant that immediately dissipated any anxiety that was brewing. As a result, the problem got fixed quickly and the rehearsal went on.

As Michael conveyed his frustration, his intent wasn't to get anyone flustered. He simply wanted the problem to go away so that the team could continue on with a successful rehearsal. If his comments had a harsh tone, his addition of “with love” let folks know that he was only after improvement and that none of his words were personal.

What a simple yet useful lesson. Adding “with love” at the end of statement could help people understand that you’re not attacking. Instead, you’re only trying to help.

Tuesday, June 15

Written by guest blogger: Dean AlanOver many years of taking part in different relationships I have noticed the way a woman can evolve in opinion and motives with age. Ironically the infamous “Biological Clock” will have a mental effect on a woman’s perspective. Eventually the relentless pursuit of certain personal objectives, within her relationships, can create more failure than success. The personal objective some men find themselves victim to is a woman’s desire to be married. Generations filled with women who are forced to be self sufficient, by society, have adapted to accomplishing personal objectives within a reasonable period of time. This window of accomplishment may differ among women, but the scrutiny a man undergoes is still unwarranted if the woman doesn’t understand why her mate has yet to fully commit through marriage.

First of all, as people we must understand the fundamental difference between marriage and Holy Matrimony. Marriage remains a legally binding agreement between a man and a woman while Holy Matrimony refers to the relationship between husband and wife. These two terms are never to be considered equal. This complication of marriage from a man’s perspective may not be easily articulated but the understanding is elementary in all cases. We wonder why so many people get divorced yet the answer remains simple. So many people get divorced because so many people only desire marriage, and as a result, they get married. Single people must continuously ask themselves if they desire marriage or Holy matrimony. Understanding the importance of roles in a marriage is what differentiates it from an ordinary marriage and makes it Holy Matrimony. In a man’s journey to find a life partner, he tends to focus on the “life” aspect more than the “partner” label.

Do women understand the difference between being a wife and being married? The difference between these titles is that one has unspoken yet universally understood requirements. Often times we find women who desire to be married yet are unwilling to fulfill the duties of a wife. Resultantly, due to this subtle characteristic, it will seem as though a woman’s only objective is to have a title. This perversion of wedlock is what keeps a great deal of men from rushing down to the Justice of the Peace and signing on the dotted line. The roles and responsibilities of a wife may sound chauvinistic if spoken from a man, but a happily married woman will agree each participant has a part to play in the success of a marriage. Men who find themselves pressured to marry naturally divert back to the idea of whether the woman has genuine intentions or narcissistic motives.

So what characteristics are proof of a woman who desires to be a wife and not just married? There is no master list of “Do’s and Don’ts” to prove to a man you choose to be a wife. There are certain criteria which should be adopted in the understanding of being a wife--or even a husband for that matter. One must be willing to let go of personal objectives in order to create a perfect union. Comprehension of the emotional and spiritual commitment between a man and a woman is also of extreme importance. Ultimately a person's commitment to the role they choose to play is what will lead them to their intended destination. For any woman who is unwed, a man’s response will be, does she want to be married or to be a wife? Only she can answer this question--through actions and not titles.

Monday, June 14

Goddess Zuri's fifth deal of its SUPER SUMMER SALE is here! You can get our Fahari ring for $15. That's a 25% savings!

The Fahari (Swahili for "magnificence") Ring is made using beautiful burgundy beads from Morocco. The story behind these beads is my brother, who lives in Europe, took a trip to Morocco for vacation. He knows how much I love beads and love crafting, so he bought these for me. I don't know exactly what they are, but they're pretty! The ring is also made using cooper wire with a silver coating.

Saturday, June 12

One of my closest friends, Lashawn, who also happens to the familiar face of Goddess Zuri, is now vlogging on YouTube about natural hair.

Lashawn went natural almost 8 years ago, on November 24, 2002; she grew her hair out for 3 months with cornrows and strawsets before doing the big chop.

She was a huge product junkie in the beginning, trying everything she could get her hands on, but now, she's narrowed her collection down to a few staple products; for cleansing, the Organix coconut milk shampoo and conditioner; for moisture, the Qhemet Biologics line ; for curl definition, the Kinky-Curly line and the Mixed Chicks leave in conditioner--when she's running low, she uses the Mixed Chicks leave-in and IC Fantasia Hair Gel; for deep conditioning, she use coconut milk and/or coconut oil.

Lashawn has decided to start blogging/vlogging to share her hair experiences and the wealth of knowledge she's learned over the years with other curly cuties. She posts videos on her YouTube channel (MrsJHen2) about once or twice a week, so be sure to check her out to learn tips and tricks on how to style and manage natural hair.

If you have questions for Lashawn, you can hit her up at lashawngee@gmail.com. Below is her first video on flat twists. Enjoy!

Tuesday, June 8

I recently talked to one of my guy friends, who we'll call Malik, about another friend who was experiencing marital turmoil. We'll call her Tasha.

My friend's marriage, which could be characterized as a sacramental sentence, was collapsing. She had grown distant from her man. They no longer enjoyed spending time together--in and outside the bedroom. They argued every few days and engaged only in necessary conversation. It's almost like they had simply become roommates.

I explained to Malik that the problems started before the marriage. My friend and her man experienced communication roadblocks even before the engagement, and indication to most that an actual wedding was probably something that needed to be delayed until they could work out their issues. But they continued on with their plans to wed only to find themselves at the exact same place years later, unable to communicate.

Tasha has prayed, reached out for counseling, talked to other married couples and sought out help from her pastor. But not much has changed, arguably because she alone has expended effort to make things right. My friend has spent quite a bit of energy crying herself to sleep, feeling void of options and wondering what would become of her marriage. Recently, however, I noticed that her emotions have morphed, transplanting her from that place of desolation to another one that more resembles indifference.

I appreciate my friend's confidence in talking to me about her situation, and I try to be as objective and unbiased in my responses as possible. But, at the end of the day, she's my girl, and I love her, and I sometimes sympathize with her.

Malik, however, doesn't have a clue who she is, and as he listened to me explain Tasha's situation, he offered up a few pieces of advice to help her get back on track.

1. She needs to get her own life.Malik argued that when most women in relationships don't have a life of their own (invest in themselves, explore their interests, or work to advance their careers), they tend to obsess over their relationships which can lead to hypersensitivity. He mentioned that some of things bothering my friend would likely lose their significance once she focused on and entertained herself. Her man would also notice the shift in her energy, which might motivate him to reconnect with her.

2. She needs to become a better friend. Tasha and her husband have lost intimacy, and a big part of intimacy is honest and non-judgmental friendship. And a big part of friendship is understanding each other's world. Malik argues that real friendship should be the most important measure of a relationship's vitality. He also says that most men want their women to relate to them. So, whether her man's interest is sports, politics, music or cars, Tasha should use his interest as a gateway to engage with him.

3. She needs to know that she can't change him. Tasha's man will only change if he wants to, and he will only cooperate in the relationship if he wants to. So, no matter what tactics Tasha uses to strengthen her marriage, they won't be completely effective unless her husband chooses to receive them.

When it's all said and done, a marriage can only work if both people involved are actively participating. Tasha can't do this alone. And neither can her man. So, I'll relay the advice to her, hoping she finds some success in its application. But if she doesn't, there's always another way to free her goddess.

Sunday, June 6

Thursday, June 3

Dang, what is it exactly about Common that I love? That's a hard question to answer.

It could be his style. Effortless and perfectly stated. Or perhaps it's his voice. Slightly hypnotizing. Or maybe it's just his rhymes, which explore topics beyond drugs, money, fame and sex.... Speaking of sex, maybe I love him because he's, well, sexy.

Or maybe I love his intelligence. I completely dig smart dudes. Better yet, I think I love him because of his versatility. Rapper. Actor. Spoken word artist. Or perhaps I love him for openly loving God.

Oh well, there isn't just one reason why I love Common. There's plenty. But one thing is for sure, he's one fly dude. And here' s one of my favorite Common songs (remixed).

Tuesday, June 1

I spent this past weekend in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico with some of my best friends from college. We vowed each year since college that we would take one trip together, generally during the Memorial Day weekend. In the past we've been to Miami, New York, Las Vegas and the Bahamas.

This trip was amazing, like every other trip we've taken. Cabo was beautiful. We rode horses in the desert and ATVs along the beach; we hung out by the pool and indulged in great food and drinks.

But this trip was also different. For whatever reason, this vacation made me realize just how grown up and different we were becoming. In college (and the few years immediately after), we all wanted to do the same things, wear the same clothes, think the same way and find ourselves in the same life stage at the same time. But seven years later, things are changing. We're all becoming more of who we really are which happens to make us quite different, and I realized that our paces of life are no longer running congruently. Distance, romantic relationships, and careers are just a few of the things that have led to our unique metamorphoses.

It's a beautiful thing, though, to be able to remain so close while witnessing each other's evolution.

But despite all of this, this trip has led me to appreciate that next to family, there's nothing quite like having great girlfriends--girlfriends who don't let you walk out of the room wearing regular panties when you should be wearing a thong--girlfriends who remind you just how bad ass you really are--girlfriends who serve up the brutally honest truth about your actions and your attitude--girlfriends who root for you in whatever you're trying to accomplish--girlfriends who love you no matter what becomes of you.

The women picture above are some of my very best girlfriends. Pictured from left to right: Elandria Jackson (think Joan from Girlfriends), KirstieO'Bryant (think Tasha Smith from Why Did I Get Married, but about three notches lower), me (hmm, probably Princess Tiana from The Princess and the Frog) and Constance Jones (think Kimora Lee Simmons!)

I'm convinced that every goddess needs at least one great girlfriend. I'm so lucky to have more.