I was just down in the basement studio taping tomorrow’s HBT Extra. You know what the best part of doing that is? While the technical people are getting the technical things squared away, Tiffany Simons and I just talk about stuff. The news, the weather, whatever.

We have often talked about how it would be great if we could just tape our chats and leave the baseball out of it. I bet it would be a good show. We have a George and Gracie thing going on that I think would work.

In any event, there was a classic exchange today. I was talking about the Marlins new ballpark and how fancy schmancy it is. Tiffany brought up the new fish tanks and asked if I thought a ball could break the glass. I said no, I think they tested that already. I added that the real concern is about the noise bothering the fish. Here was Tiffany’s response:

Excuse me, but where do they think fish live? In the ocean. Where they can get eaten by sharks. I’m sorry, but if I were a fish I’d rather deal with a little noise than get eaten by a shark.

There was a little righteous head-bobbing going on while she said it too. I did not see any finger-wagging, however. Regardless, it was epic. So glad we’re back taping HBT Extra again.

Nobody ever thinks of the noise on the ocean. Those outboards, big diesels the liners and tankers use, and not to mention sea-doos buzzing around, are not exactly quiet. The occasional baseball will be as nothing compared to that racket. Anyways, if Tiffany were a fish she’d be safe: Aquaman would protect her.

There was a dance club that opened in town a few years ago whose claim to fame were fish tanks of stingrays and sharks as part of the dance floor. PETA was pissed. I think the stingrays died. Of course, we’re talking techno. It could be they committed suicide.

These same club owners were just arrested last week for drug trafficking, money laundering, and terror support (Islamic Jihad, I believe). So, really, if there is an oversized, ill conceived fish tank on the property, chances are the business practices are pretty fishy as well.

Yes. I just wrote that.

Old Gator - Apr 4, 2012 at 6:13 PM

One million dollars, Mr. Bond.

Old Gator - Apr 4, 2012 at 6:14 PM

Go ahead, Tiffany, blame the victims.

nolanwiffle - Apr 4, 2012 at 3:30 PM

If Tiffany were a fish, she’d be a foxfish (bodianus frenchii). Yes it’s real……and it’s fabulous.

I do lame very well don’t I? 😉 Making a woman laugh is a magical thing.

Old Gator - Apr 4, 2012 at 6:15 PM

Depends on what it is about you that she finds funny. Ever see Unforgiven?

scatterbrian - Apr 4, 2012 at 5:02 PM

Fish have a highly sensitive sensory system called a lateral line, which detects vibrations and movement in water. This is what causes fish in tanks to simultaneously scatter when you tap the glass. In open water, a fish can go elsewhere to escape disturbances, but in a tank, there’s nowhere to go. Crowd noises and blaring sound systems will be what disturbs the fish, not the random baseball hitting the tank.

Life is all about reproduction. Chances of reproducing in a fish tank 0%. Not getting eaten by a shark doesn’t matter if you die with making copies of yourself. Even without sharks in the tank, the life span of those fish will still be considerably shorter than those of fish on a reef. Fish find vibrations to be stressful…not to mention being in a tiny tank like that is like being in a straight jacket for most salt water fish….I imagine they will be regularly introducing new fish to that tank on a regular basis.

Not exactly, because the torture vs murder question is a false choice, where it’s possible (and indeed quite reasonable) to be neither tortured nor murdered. In this case, a fish is either living in a tank or in the wild, and it’s certainly the case that predators are going to be substantially more common in the wild than in the tank.

Of course, the propensity for predation isn’t the only difference between the environments, and therein lies the flaw in the argument. Still, in my mind, predation is a pretty big deal.

Also, I wish I could have been there for the testing of the glass. I assume it meant firing baseballs at high velocity at fishtanks, and that could only have been fun.