When German GQ scored an interview with Lindsay Lohan, little did they know their magazine would go down in history as the last place Lindsay Lohan pimped herself before receiving a prison sentence. Crushable's Hillary Reinsberg interprets and translates.

Once upon a time, just a few weeks ago, before Lindsay Lohan was a joke of jail-bound proportions, she scored a spot on the cover of the August issue of German GQ. The magazine features a lengthy profile of Lindsay, tracing back to her early days as teen idol, which, thanks to a few semesters of college German, we were able to leaf through! (As always, with accolades to Google Translator.)

The article takes a refreshingly naive (or more likely, un-American) look into Lindsay's career, even harking back to that bygone time when she was "the idol of an entire teen generation, the All-American Girl, living the dream of all young people." There's also some mention of the Lohan fam, with particular focus on "her father, a Wall Street trader and heir to a pasta company, who is constantly in conflict with the law, just as his daughter is later on." There's even a throwback to when Meryl Streep said Lindsay had "mastered the art of acting," after the two starred together in A Prairie Home Companion.

But now, back to real-time, where the reporter is waiting for Lindsay atop a "hidden rooftop" in Cannes. "This is normal, Lohan is never on time." When Lindsay finally arrives, "She is accompanied by her assistant and a friend from Los Angeles. She is wearing a tight black dress, big sunglasses and high heels, with her Blackberry, as always, in her hand. Before the interview she is offered a glass of white wine, but she instead asks for water."

There's no mention of Lindsay's recent court appearances, but there are some highly enjoyable, vintage-seeming Lindsay quotes sprinkled within. The entire piece is available on the German GQ website, which may be of entertainment value if 1) you speak German or 2) enjoy looking at long, funny words or 3) you want to look at more hot pics of Lindsay! (Go look at the photos, they are good! There is a video too.) However, in the off chance you aren't proficient in German, we've translated some of Lindsay's choice quotes for you:

On the film industry:

I've changed my point of view in recent years. When I started working in the industry, I wanted to get to the very top—and I was painted as something completely different from what I really was. Nowadays in Hollywood it is so much more about celebrities and gossip, which can distract many great actors from their actual ability. The public comes to know so much about these people that it gets superimposed upon on their work in movies.

I love what I do, so I have to be able to handle it.

On why she continues to act:

I like to tell stories that people can learn something from. And I like the concept of film: to put yourself in a dark room, hide from the world from a few hours, and discover the similarities about yourself and the screen. I love it so much that I certainly won't stop, even if circumstances change

People believe, of course, what they read in the media. There are all the hair-raising stories that circulate about me every day that are supposed to provide information about my true self. I read these stories about things that have never happened, and then I get to hear, ‘Oh, but you were so cute in The Parent Trap!' But what I'm talking about, others in Hollywood feel the same way.

The media creates its images in just seconds, so they can interpret reality as they imagine it. If I sneeze, photos are published, in which I am said to be weeping bitterly. And if I keep my hand in front of my mouth and nose, it's the same, I was hungover and had a hard night of heavy partying behind me. You can't imagine to what extent this has been accepted.

Because, seriously, when is the last time you heard Lindsay talk about The Parent Trap?