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Monday, May 11, 2015

Raising Your Expectations of Men

There are about a million and one things I should be doing rather than writing this, but here I sit at my computer, typing this blog out rather than the work I should be doing. Something is eating at me though. I recently posted this video on my personal Facebook page:

The post I made was simple enough, this video with my only comment being an emoji heart. Several hours later I saw a friend had reposted the video with this as her comment, "I think Meghan Trainor, and anyone who loves this song, need to be more realistic about men." Now I know this person has been burned in her past relationships, but SERIOUSLY?!?!?

Please don't get me wrong, my upset isn't over the fact that she doesn't agree with my taste in music, my upset isn't even over the fact that she feels the way she does. My upset is over the fact that as a woman I can't believe that we lower our standards for men, rather than expecting them to live up to them!

Yes, when I was little I would dream of a man on a white horse coming in and fighting dragons to save me. He would be brave, strong, and do anything he could to keep me safe because he couldn't imagine a world without me. As I grew up though, I realized dragon's didn't really exist, and therefore no one needed to protect me from them. But I also discovered that I didn't need someone to save me. This didn't change the fact though that I wanted someone in my life with the qualities that man on the white horse possessed though. To this day I still hope to find a man who is chivalrous, who doesn't HAVE to save me but wants to help save me, who understand that some battles I will need to fight alone and will stand by me and support me as I do, and who can't picture his life without me. Is this a fairytale? Maybe to some. But why?

I've been asked by many people why I don't date all that much, why I'm so picky, and why I think anyone will ever live up to my standards. To be honest, I wonder all this myself sometimes too. But I also realize that here I am, a woman of 32 years old who has watched relationships come together and fall apart more times than she can count because someone thought they could settle for a partner who didn't meet an expectation. Or they could change someone to meet an expectation. So for me, I'm picky because I refuse to do that. I think at this point in time I'm a strong, independent, self sufficient individual, so I don't need a man to help me with those things. I don't lower my standards, because if I do what does that say about me? What does that say to the man I'm with that he doesn't want to live up his potential because he doesn't have to? What does that say about the female population as a whole?

Ladies if we don't expect men to step up to be something more, why are they going to? Yes, I expect and hope that the man I'm with one day will bring me flowers for no reason. Help around the house. Won't be offended if I pay for dinner once and a while because our relationship is a partnership. I want to be a team with someone, not be two people who only do what one of them says all the time. I want to spoil him, and have him spoil me. I want to talk about a problem with him and have his response be "Is there something I can do to help?" and not "that sucks. So I'm hanging out with the guys next week." And I don't think wanting these things makes me unrealistic, or crazy. I also don't think that because I expect these things I'll be lonely for the rest of my life as a result. One day, even if I'm 90, I'll meet someone who will be everything I'm looking for.

Women, it's time to change the way we not only think about men, but the way we think about ourselves. Believe in yourself enough that you deserve someone that is going to live up to your standards, rather than lowering them because it's the best you're going to get. Love yourself first, and someone will love you enough to be who you know they can be.

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