Thursday, 4 February 2010

Peace be with you

Tony Blair and Cherie Blair must have seen something special in each other. Well, let’s face it, no one else has ever seen anything special in either of them, not unless you count their special talent for making money, pissing people off and being just about the most venal couple on the face of the earth.

Now Cherie has outdone herself by managing to offend the National Secular Society of Great Britain. The gobby fishwife has for some years now been sitting as a junior recorder in London’s Crown Court. With her well-publicised habit of defending underdogs and wastrels, Mrs Blair hardly seems to be the ideal choice for the job of sentencing serious offenders.

If evidence were needed of her unsuitability, then Cherie’s latest faux pas has really set the cat amongst the proverbial pigeons. As a devout Roman Catholic, Mrs Blair decided to empathise with Shamso Miah, a Muslim who broke a stranger's jaw in row over a bank queue. Because he was a religious man, Cherie decided to suspend Miah’s prison sentence for two years instead of sending him off to the cooler for six months.

Sentencing Miah, Mrs Blair said that violence had to be taken seriously, but added: “I am going to suspend this sentence for the period of two years based on the fact you are a religious person and have not been in trouble before. You caused a mild fracture to the jaw of a member of the public standing in a queue at Lloyds Bank. You are a religious man and you know this is not acceptable behaviour.”

A mild fracture! Oh that’s all right, then. Punch a stranger in the face and as long as it’s a mild fracture and you believe in some sort of deity, you can be set free to roam the streets again. On the other hand, if you’re a filthy non-believing infidel, you can jolly well eat porridge for six months and break out in a cold sweat every time you bend over to pick the soap up in the shower block.

Thankfully, the National Secular Society has complained to the Judicial Complaints Office about Mrs Blair’s outrageous behaviour. However, I wouldn’t advise anyone to hold their breath while they wait for Cherie to be torn off a strip.

11 comments:

Now I know what to plead if I am ever caught doing something naughty - not that I do too many bad things - certainly not on the scale of Mrs B as detailed above. Her crimes against fashion are bad enough! My worst crime is probably speeding on French motorways (and why else are they there - so nice and smooth) - but not sure that plea of religion would go down with the Gendarme ........especially as I don't really have one - does white witch work - sorciere blanche? Nope - huge euro fine would probably be the result!

"Mr Bin Laden... I am going to suspend this sentence for the period of two years based on the fact you are a religious person and have not been in trouble before. You caused the destruction of two skyscrapers, three airliners and many thousands of lives. You are a religious man and you know this is not acceptable behaviour.”

Apparently Mr Miah had "just left the mosque", which does kinda make you wonder about the whole Islam / 'Peace' thing. Sure we've all done the 'queue rage' thing too, but speaking as a Catlick I'm with the atheists on this.

But on reflection, I reckon I've cracked this. Ms Booth believes she is divine. Ergo, anyone praying must be praying to her. Ergo again, she forgives him because he worships her.

Notes from a hospital bed

Fractured freelance journalist now released from traction and walking again. Recuperating at home with good food and fine friends. Growing increasingly angry about the scandal of nutritional neglect in our hospitals.