I am my mom's beneficiary and her POA. She was widowed about 3 years ago and just left with her Social Security and the mobile home and about 1/3 of an acre. In her will I would have inherited her property but recently we put into a small apartment and worked on her house to sell. Amazingly we got lucky and sold it last week. At this point I put her proceeds into a CD and a good chunk is in a bank account with her as the primary and me as a secondary. I take care of all mom's bills because of her memory issues. She is far from "out of it" but would never remember to pay bills on time etc. She also doesn't drive anymore so I take her everywhere she needs to go. We are not co-mingling our funds but I do have a question. Mom may soon come to live with us and when that happens I intend to have some of her money from her regular Social security check help towards groceries and the electric bill or something. Is this going to cause any problems? That will just make it easier on us and make it easier for us to have her live with us, but still cheaper on her in the long run.

6 Answers

No problemo with respect to her Social Security income. Nobody cares. No need to document anything unless you have an unruly relative that may accuse you of elder abuse.Lilliput offers some sound advice, however, with respect to the need for public benefits in the future (depending on the amount in question). Also, if she was married to a veteran when he died she may also be eligible for VA Pension when her care starts to become expensive (I know it sounds strange, but it is true, search "Aid and Attendance Pension" on this site)

Tigerlily - "Why would medicare consider it stealing if she is just helping to support herself just because she lives with me? My expenses go up by having her live with me. " This is my question as well.

Because Mom is with us, she is not in a nursing home, broke, and being supported by tax money on Medicade. (this may happen in future, but not yet) So if i have to move to a larger home to accomodate her, or pay higher utilities to keep hr warm enough, what is wrong with this difference coming out of her funds? I say nothing. Yes, we could keep expenses lower by moving to a neighborhood I would never live in otherwise - but why should I? Why should i lower what has always been my standard of living because I chose to care for my mom at home?

I would recommend searching this site for ways to invest and/or protect the proceeds from her home and land. If she should need Medicaid assistance in the future, there is currently a look back period of 5 years. (search living wills and trusts).Leave enough cash on hand for her care. Anything that is purchased for her care directly, should be paid out of her funds. If you are planning on "renting" to her or have her pay part of the utilities I think that would be resonable too. If it is for your personal expenses, not related to her care, then, no, it would not be appropriate. If you want to be more "official" you can keep receipts for items you purchase for her and create a rental agreement. She should contribute to her care as much she is able to. Happy to hear she sold so soon!

Ralph Robbins: Unfortunately mom is not eligible for the VA Pension because he had been married before years ago and signed that away to his first wife! That hurt....but we are grateful that he left her with TriCare for life. That along with her Medicare has been covering all of her medical bills with only minor prescription charges..My mom right now is in no way ready for a nursing home, she is lucid enough to live alone as long as I pay her bills and do her driving for her. Her memory is just very poor off and on. Another words, she wouldn't remember to pay bills on time, can't remember phone numbers or her address etc. However she isn't what I call Alz right now and has not been diagnosed ALZ. They have tried some of the ALZ meds to see if it helps her memory and it doesn't seem to do much.Here is the part I don't understand: If my mom lives anywhere she will have expenses and have to pay her way in the world. If she ends up living with me, why couldn't she continue to pay her way in the world. If I went to live with her I would expect to pick up my share of the household such as electric bill/gas/groceries. Why would medicare consider it stealing if she is just helping to support herself just because she lives with me? My expenses go up by having her live with me. For that matter if mom wanted to spend $5,000 on something useless if it's her decision and she lives alone how can they look back on that? She isn't planning any stupid purchase, this is just a question. Another words people spend money and buy stuff all the time that isn't necessary. At what point does it become necessary for me to justify my spending of my own money?

For Social Security and guardianship , you do need to report how you spend her money. I take care of my mothers SS and just had to report what I spent, you don't have to write down everything you spent her money ( I do just in case they asked for receipts), just how much was spent on household bills and other expenses. SS just want to make sure her money is being spent on her and that as guardian you can't spend the money on yourself. You also will be able to talk to Medicare and Medicaid about her medical needs and medical decisions. I hope this helps.

In 2006 my parents appointed two of my siblings as trustee's. I wanted to help in healthcare, as I am a nurse. Mother suffers with Alzhiemer's , and my dad with P. D. with ambulation difficulties. My mother developed a bladder Infection, because of her declining personal hygiene, and required a short stay at the hospital for treatment. As a family, I volunteered to have Mom andDad move into my home, as my husband and I are empty nester's and spare bedrooms that can be utilized. I changed to a PM shift, and my husband is a teacher in the day. I take my mom to a senior Day care center in the morning, where she gets socialization, and they even assist her with a shower 3 times a week.My husband then picks mom up after his work. Dad remains with me during the day and he uses the computer, takes rides with his motor chair to the mailbox, or putters in our vegitable garden.(Daycare gives Dad a respite as well) I prepare the evening meal, and my husband sts them up for dinner.Here's our problem... having my brother and sister as Trustee over money, which includes the Social Security of parents. Mom receives $1033.00, Dad 782.00. The small house and property they lived in, still has a morgage. The house was very run down, so any money went to repairs so they could rent it out. So my husband and I took care of Mom and Dad without any financial help our selves. I had wanted to retire soon, my husband wants to work a few more years. But some months my siblings would contribute to costs of Daycare, Insurance, medication, diapers, ect. but when we don't have a renter I'm again on my own..and it drains us finacial.So, as my dad is a Vet. I applied for VA Aide and Assistance.The first time was a year ago, but it didn't giveup, and was approved a couple of months ago because of my mothers expenses, and the cost of day care for her. We received a Retroactive check, and used it to upgrate, the bathroom for my parents, with a walk-in shower. Also the rugs were replaced by lamenent flooring, because of my mom's incontance. Anyway, my brother and sister are livid with us, because we didn't report the funds. Dad also receives a monthly pension, in which pays for the daycare, Alz. medications, Insurance.They just notified me that Adult Social Services will be notified for financial abuse. They will have been living in my home about 2 years, and the siblings, don't want to move mom and out of my home, but say they should control the money in which I am responsible for. They will never be able to live on their own, and owe more than what the house is worthPlease give me advice. Should I consider a Lawyer? I would like the Trustee siblings to update the agreement they signed in 2006, as the folks have a different living situation in my home. I feel the Social security should be available to us to help with utilitise, food, ect.as they require 24 hour care.They want to have every receit, and threaten us continously to account for every penny.

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