'You may say I'm a dreamer…' -John Lennon

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It’s hard to talk about sometimes, because someone will ask: “What’s wrong?”. I don’t really know how to answer that question. Nothing is actually wrong right now, except for a sore throat that’s been brewing for a few days, but that’s beyond the point.

A mere few years ago, my life was in a dark place and I had to take drastic measures to cut out the bad in order to make room for the good. I did what I had to do and it has made the world of a difference.

There have been a lot of positive changes that I very grateful for. My home life has improved immensely, my financial situation isn’t as dire, and my love of life has come back in full swing.

However, there are still some days that I feel in a slump. There is no amount of time that I could dedicate to try and come up with a reason as to why. Maybe I haven’t been as productive in certain aspects of my life as I would like to be, such as writing (and this blog). But life happens, and I’m starting to think that I’m being too hard on myself.

My significant other is constantly reminding me that to achieve my goals, I need to struggle. The struggle means you’re working on it, you’re getting somewhere even if it is at snail speed. Maybe my slump is my struggle, however I sometimes feel unmotivated. Which doesn’t feel like a struggle at all, it just feels like I’m throwing in the towel and hoping that tomorrow will be a better day.

Is it because I’m getting older? I just turned 23, which yes I know is still very young. But I think back to when I was 17-18 and I felt so full of confidence. I never hesitated or told myself that I couldn’t do something. That confidence seems to have faded to the background.

Or is there some other hidden reason behind this feeling. I’m still working hard to try and find out why, and I’m not afraid to take the steps needed to find some extra help. I feel that if I could understand this feeling, or get down to the root of it, then I could take the steps needed to alleviate how drastically it affects me.

I’ve got to keep my head high and remember that I’m only being me. If that’s what it means to struggle, then so be it. The world is full of opportunities, and I sometimes forget that I need to carve my own path to get from A to B, since no one else has lived my life, and no one else can tell me how to do it.

This would be the perfect opportunity to say something cliché like “Just you wait, I’m just getting started”. But we all know that I started this journey quite a while back, I think it’s just time to refocus, zero in on those life goals of mine and continue chipping away at them. The struggle is as on as it’s ever been, and I’m not giving up, no matter the slump.

Basically, I started a new game and deleted everyone and everything and will start from scratch, adding residents that I create, along with buildings that will be specially designed by me. The blog will written as the fictional character named Lucie Meadows, this world’s first resident.

Feel free to check it out, I’ll be posting it as a sort of diary/news column that Lucie will be voicing.

I wanted to do a unique writing project while still enjoying the game that I have and always will love.

A lot has happened in the last few months. *chuckles* It feels like I lead with that line a lot, but honestly I’m a little overwhelmed with all of this.

In my latest update post, I made a confession that was hard to do. I thought, how do I bring something like that up? And to be truthful, it’s been difficult to admit it out loud.

I didn’t really notice or understand how badly the situation had affected me and it’s still very hard to talk about. It still feels very real. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to see certain things the same way. Sometimes I’ll think of things or I’ll see things that just remind me of things I wish I could just forget about. It’s like a bruise that’ll hurt forever but for different reasons and at random times.

I hurt for others. I hurt for all of those who live through what I went through every day of their lives. I see things now in public or online and it hurts a lot. I hurt because I’m more nervous and anxious than usual. I still flinch in certain situations. I’m sensitive to certain topics or subjects. I don’t want to be, but I am. It’s all still very traumatic. And most of it is irrational.

I find myself reminding myself that I’m not living that kind of life anymore. Reassuring myself that whatever happened will never happen again. That I’m safe now. 🙂 And I know all of this to be true, but it just hasn’t settled my anxiety yet.

But that’s not what’s overwhelming me the most. It’s not the sadness and anxiety, it’s the amount of happiness and joy that I’ve felt that’s what’s most overwhelming.

I learned to love again. Like really LOVE!

I’m seeing someone new. And he’s absolutely amazing. This guy encourages me to listen to music. Encourages me to just sit down and write. He’ll sing songs with me on the radio. He’s been the one to help me learn how to love again. He’s taught me how to love myself and everything that makes me, me. The amount of support and love he’s shown me has been overwhelming. I don’t even think he knows how much of a dream these last few weeks have been. He has not the slightest idea how much he’s helped me. There just aren’t enough words to describe how thankful I am to have him around.

I regained my love of music. I listen to music in the car now. I also put on music while I’m by myself at home. I didn’t realise how much I missed it. Like, I could honestly burst into tears. Joyful tears. Because, as I type this I’m sitting by myself listening to music. Something I had long forgotten how, or wasn’t allowed, to do. I had forgotten how to love music. How crazy is that? I’m shaking my head while re-reading it.

I’ve regained my love of writing. The ideas flow so smoothly out of my mind now. It was like I had a writer’s block that was so dense I never thought I’d write again. A blank page was so daunting. Now a blank page is a challenge, it’s so much just waiting to written out. All these ideas that I’ve had on the back burners in my mind are bursting through and my brain wants to write it all out. Get these stories out there fast!

And all of this freaks me out. I went from a point so low in my life to this! Within just a couple months. I feel better than I’ve ever felt before. My friends and family have been such a great support group. I don’t know what I’d do without them. I am just so, so grateful.

I’d like to thank my mom who came over for my birthday. It was a short visit but it was so perfect. My mother is one of my biggest inspirations and having her around helped me survive this huge event in my life. Also, a giant shout out to Heather. She’s been by my side through so much. I don’t know what I’d do without her. Girl, if you’re reading this, THANK YOU! .

To all my friends and family, you’ve all saved me. I am so thankful for having all of you in my life.

Gah, I know, I know. So serious, so deep. I’ll stop now. I’m making myself cry from being so darn happy. Sheesh. ❤

I’d been eyeing this book on the shelf for a long time. Seeing as I loved the Humans by Matt Haig I really wanted to try something else to see what it was like. I ended up buying the book on a whim and it took me a long time to finish it due to a busy schedule, oh and Netflix.

The Radleys was good. It’s located in the horror section so I was expecting a little more you know, horror? And that really didn’t happen. Which I am totally fine with. But I liked this book and I wasn’t let down with Matt Haig’s work.

The story is about this modern family that goes about their daily lives in a small town and they try to fit in. As the book starts, you find out that Peter and Helen’s marriage isn’t doing so well. And that their kids are victims of extreme bullying at school. But the real culprit here was blood. They were all vampires and they were abstaining themselves of blood. The worst part? The kids didn’t even know they were vampires. It had been a secret to them until something happens… and I won’t go on and ruin the rest of the story for you guys.

If you’re looking for a real horror story don’t read this, because it wasn’t really that terrifying. Matt Haig is great though, I love the way he writes. His chapters usually aren’t that long and they are always to the point. There is never any baloney in there. You don’t waste your time reading useless information that has no relation to the actual story. His work is clear precise and clever. I love it. I just breeze right through his novels and love every minute of it.

I still think my favorite out of the two is The Humans, but that’s probably because it was so original and unique.

I will be giving this title a 8 out of 10. Still great but not perfect. Everyone seriously go read this guy.

I graduated two years ago and I’m turning 20 in two weeks. I thought it would be a good time as any to give myself an interview.

How do you feel about that last statement?I’m fine. It was bound to happen.

What have I done with my life for the past two years? Well, I completed one year of university, then took a year off to work, buy myself a car, write a book and successfully get into another relationship which is going very well. (Just celebrated one year together last week)

You wrote a book? Yes, in fact I did. I’m also very close to finishing the editing stage and will soon be putting it online.

So then what? I’ll write more books. Who knows what could happen.

So that’s your plan for the future?Essentially yes, I also plan on moving in the near future. And of course, going back to school.

Oh? So you’re going back to school? I personally think education is very important and I don’t want to give up on getting some kind of degree so yeah, I will be going back.

What will you be taking? I haven’t really figured that one out yet…

You said you’ll be moving out soon? How soon is soon? In less than two months actually!

How do you feel about it? I’m very excited! I can’t wait to have my own place. But I’ll miss my family and friends here…

I think I’m headed in the right direction. That’s what life is all about though isn’t it? Trying new things to find what works best for you. Aim for your well being and happiness. If you’re unhappy, change what’s making you that way, no matter drastic it may be.

I’ve lived on an island my whole life. I can even see the ocean from my road. I won’t lie to you, Prince Edward Island is a little slice of paradise. With beaches like this, there’s no reason not to love this place.

I live in the smallest province in Canada. It’s north shores merge into the Gulf of Saint Lawrence and the Southern shores border the Northumberland Strait. Despite the enchantingly beautiful island, the ocean freaked me out for years. I just didn’t know what was in it. I’d have nightmares of all these scary sea creatures that would be stalking me from the shallow waters but it’s too cloudy to see them! I had an irrational fear of sea creatures like sharks and whales. In fact there have been multiple reports of sharks being spotted passing through the Gulf of Saint Lawrence, everything from great whites to basking sharks.That alone gave me enough reason not to go out too deep.

However, despite my childish fears, these last few months I just crave being out there. I don’t know if it’s the island charm taking it’s tole on my soul but ever since I went to school in Ottawa for a year, I noticed how much I loved my island. I crave the beach and I’m starting to crave the ocean. It’s winning my heart over little by little. I still can’t say that I’d go deep sea diving in a heartbeat but man, it’d be fun to go swimming right now. It’s too bad our waters are very cold and full of small icebergs. But to sit on the beach, toes dug in the sand, basking in the sun with a drink in hand? Oh what I would do…

With all these cravings swirling around in my head, I’ve taken the time to develop a little writing project which incorporates the beach, the tropics, traveling, everything! I try to keep my ideas hush hush though. You never know if someone might steal them and make them their own! I can tell you this though, if you take paradise, mix in a little love and a pinch of mystery, you never know what you’ll get! Trust me, I mean this literally. haha.

Oh, I almost forgot to mention that I’ll be heading to Cuba in May. I can already feel my creative wheels turning and I think Cuba will be just the right dose of inspiration that I need for my little project. It’ll be so nice to get out of here! Can you believe that PEI got over 400cm of snow this year…

To give you an idea, maybe you’ve seen this video, maybe not, but this happened in the city near my town. I know the guy in that video, his girlfriend taught my french class in grade 11. There was so much snow this past month that some roads only had one lane open. If this video doesn’t prove that we got a lot of snow, then I don’t know what could convince you. It also will justify my craving for the beach.

I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry!!!!!!!! I know it’s been a long time. I know I’m bad at making consistent posts. BUT WHO CARES. Let’s be honest, I haven’t been consistent for two years so why change now!

Oh wait, now’s the perfect time because It’s a new year and that’s what people do. They change their habits.

Not me! I’m going to keep going with the flow. Whatevs! You got a problem, you can call my agent. Lol just kidding. Don’t have one of those… YET. 😛

1. I’m in a great mood.

2. I’m going to New York soon to visit my Boo.

3. I’m finishing up some final touches on a book I wrote during the month of November.

What??? You may say. You wrote a book?

Yes. In fact I did. And I’m proud of it and all it’s apocalypse/alien-ness.

Also, I have big things planned for 2015…

Here’s a picture of a homemade cake my sister and I baked for my mom’s birthday. Love you mom!