Nice letter. No really, I was very impressed with your level of sophistication. As an avid letter writer myself, your grammar was impeccable and your retardation was hardly noticeable.

From what I understood about your letter adressed to Ms. Ann Coulter, you were quite upset about her use of the term “retard” to describe our current President Barack Obama. I am aware that you are yourself affiliated with so-called “retards” as you are a special Olympian.

What I have to say to you in response to your qualms about the word is this: would you get angry at someone for calling the sky blue? How would you feel if someone called water wet or evolution false? I mean, anyone with eyes, the ability to feel or common sense knows that all of what I said above is true. Getting upset does not make the statement less true, nor does it draw anyone’s attention away from the fact that you are retarded yourself.

Your letter perplexed me for a while, but I have finally come to the conclusion that I like you, John Franklin. You sneaky dog, you. I can see right through your political correctness to your star-spangled heart. You do not want to be associated with Obama either!

Your disdain for Obama brings a tear of joy to my eye. When I heard Coulter call him a retard I thought what she said was spot-on, but boy was I wrong. It seems you know quite a lot about being the underdog, because you came in out of left field (although I would prefer right field) and dealt Obama a slam, probably, undeserved by the shit-house door. You are inferring in the letter that Obama is, in fact, worse than a retard. Pure Gold, Mr. Franklin.

As an athlete I know you are a Romney/Ryan supporter. I did not know you were capable of it, but you did your research. You uncovered Paul Ryan’s “two hour and 50 something” marathon time, and were inspired by his heroism.

The time is astounding, I know, but back to the point. I agree with you, Obama is sub-retarded. I would be insulted as well if he was being grouped with me into a category. He is definitely the gay kid on the playground with Down Syndrome and lice.

As for Coulter’s comments, I will extend you an apology. I know she was quick to strike back at you for your critique of her false labeling of Obama. But to be quite honest, Ann is kind of retarded herself. Her response proves it. Getting into an argument with Ann Coulter is kind of like winning gold at the special olympics. You may have won, but in the end you are still retarded.