Those of you looking to start your Sunday with a renewal of faith in your god or the universe or whatever, you shall not be disappointed. Chuckles opened his "My Violent Torpedo of Truth: Defeat is Not an Option" tour in Detroit last night, and it was a bomb greater than all other bombs combined. Though Sheen hit the stage to thunderous applause, most of the audience walked out as he did his best to calm the crowd. They chanted "Refund! Refund!" and ultimately booed the warlock off stage.

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Some points at which things may have soured? Telling the audience that Detroit seems like a good place to tell stories about crack cocaine. Responding to boos with, "I've already got your money, dude." Showing RPG, a short film he made starring a young Johnny Depp. (Actually, the audience booed at this, but I'm not sure I understand. Young Johnny Depp?!) And, above all else, Sheen didn't deliver what the audience expected: crazy tales of drug-fueled debauchery and funny rants. There was none of the former, and while there was indeed some kind of ranting, it just wasn't funny. But no worries — Chuckles will get his act together in time for tonight's show in Chicago, I'm sure. [AP, Reuters]

Speaking of that Chicago show, it'll cost you $10,000 to get a table at the after-party; $20,000 if you want a table near the man himself. [TMZ]

Things we unfortunately saw coming: Elizabeth Hurley has filed for divorce from Arun Nayar, citing "unreasonable behavior." The two have been separated since December; since then, they've both reportedly taken up with shiny new playthings/lovers. [Daily Mail]

Whither James Franco on Twitter? He's simply disappeared. BUT WHY? Is this just another chapter in his ongoing conceptual art project (I assume there's an ongoing one right now, anyhow — isn't there always?), or did he piss off the powers that be? Conspiracy theorists, this one's for you. [Gawker]

Ryan Kwanten, hero: "There was a bloody guy lying in the middle of the street at Hollywood and Highland and no one was doing anything. Ryan pulled up, saw the man down, jumped out of his car, and raced over to see if he could help." [Just Jared]

Michael Vartan wed girlfriend Lauren Skaar on Saturday; they "exchanged vows in a gazebo decked with gold curtains and flanked by two cherry blossom trees." [Us]

Reese Witherspoon and Chelsea Handler went to dinner together, laughed a lot, and ordered fish, veggies, and vodka gimlets. Which is lovely, gal pals yay — but did they canoodle? [Us]

Justin Bieber, Johnny Depp, and Selena Gomez all came home winners after the Kids' Choice Awards — as did Miley, who won for "Favorite Movie Actress." Srly. [Digital Spy]

Lindsay Lohan has been offered the role of Sharon Tate in Eyes of a Dreamer, an upcoming pic about Charles Manson. [TMZ]

Lily Collins — aka Phil Collins' daughter who played the daughter in The Blind Side — has been cast as the lead in the forthcoming Snow White movie (still untitled). [The Wrap]

"Jennifer Lopez has to 'work harder' to maintain a trim figure since she became a mother." [Contact Music]

The family of James Brown is at battle with his former record producer. Brown's family stands to inherit a significant share of his $100 million estate, but the producer says Brown intended for the money to be used to set up a fund for needy kids. [NYP]