THOUGH JUST A DAY PAST ITS SELL-BY, IT DOES SMELL A BIT IFFY.

SEAFOOD STICKS

Going to cut straight to the controversial bit: I dip seafood sticks in stuff.

There.

Ask yourself, though: in this world where seafood sticks are sometimes branded as ‘crab sticks’, is this so wrong?

The first dipping stuff in question tends to be houmous. Look, I think we need to get over this being the lazy comedian’s shorthand for middle-class pretention. Most newsagents have at least three different kinds in their refrigerators these days.

Yes, houmous is now so ubiquitous that is undoubtedly an average food, but the problem in this case is that despite the seafood stick and dip combination being a surprisingly incredible one, houmous is rather viscous, making the penetration of the surface of the dip slightly awkward. It’s all somewhat reminiscent of amateur porn scenes when the guy is afflicted with camera shyness.

The second dipping solution is English mustard. If this seems just too radical, the brutish yellow can be neutered with a bit of mayonnaise. But it’s really, really good.

I know all this may appear like Average Food has just moved too far into an area of advanced culinary knowledge in which we’ll be forever Hestoned – and sometimes appearances are totally indicative of the truth. But I petition you to work with the views expressed in this blog, or else to petition Joshua to forcibly cut ties with this mutineer from the proper way of doing things.

What may have got a bit lost in this blog is that I really like seafood sticks, and so does Josh. If you want to take a corporate position statement from this, that is it. Beyond that, do what the fuck you like with your seafood sticks, heathens. See if I care. Call them fucking crab sticks if you want.