The problem with the Greatest Day of Your Life is that you probably have no idea that it’s happening. Sure, births, weddings, and the occasional five dollars are pretty cool, but there’s no way to know for sure until you can look back on everything on your deathbed. And even then, you might be about to have the most amazing deathbed ever!

In fact, you might be living the greatest day of your life TODAY and you don’t even realize it. Later this afternoon you might discover that the video game you’ve been playing is a secret simulator to determine the world’s champion in defending humanity from giant space crabs. Or a giant space crab will show up at your door and announce that you’re a lottery winner. Or you might run into that giant space crab you had a crush on in high school and you two will discover your true feelings for one another. Basically I don’t know what it’ll be for sure, but I am fairly certain it involves giant space crabs.

So good luck today! Heck, it might even be the WORST day of your life, which would really take the pressure off the other days. Keep those fingers crossed!

wes

Discussion (13) ¬

There’s a Stephen King short story about a man who visits some kind of cursed book store; in it, you read your own biography and determine the best moment of your life. The middle-aged protagonist finds out it was when we caught a fly ball at the age of 12 and has been on the decline ever since.

Today, today is the happiest day of my life. For today another asp comic never before seen by the human race and seen off and on again by the dolphin race has been revealed to me by way of computer. Today is a most holy and happy day.

At the very least, your list will probably require occasional updates.

“OK, I think I’ll move the five dollar bill on my list from two to three and your birth to number two, with “saw bully getting hit in head with baseball” still standing strong at four. Thanks goodness for computer text editing!”

Seriously, guys… please don’t stop doing the web comic. There are those (like me) who have you on our daily bookmarks, and if you let this talent go the way of the buffalo, people like me will be really mad at both of you.

If this turns into something else, entirely, then great… but if not, you guys will end up wiping the asses of CEO’s all over America without the benefit of people like me enjoying your fucked up sense of humor.

Please don’t stop… or, at the very, VERY least… don’t suck any of that CEO cock. It’s not worth it. In the end, you’ll end up feeling worthless with a horrible… HORRIBLE… taste in your mouths.

… and how to stop trying to take down government websites. I mean, come on… For God’s asshole’s sake… These are WEBSITES we’re talking about. Without them, the average hipster couldn’t find out the intimate details of a company without visiting their Facebook page.