Going it alone

Do you ever feel like there are some weeks when no matter what you do, you can’t seem to get it all done and get it right? I’m in one of those weeks right now. It sucks to be honest. I posted an assignment for my class and I tried really hard to do the assignment correctly, but of course I got several things wrong and have to repeat it. I misunderstood an appointment that we had yesterday for my son and because of it, he had to go without eating most of the day. I have tried to go to the gym for the last week and a half but I wrenched my lower back moving boxes recently and haven’t been able to. I’ve tried to focus on my diet, but I’ve been down and out because I can’t work out and can’t seem to get things finished lately and when I’m even slightly depressed, I eat, so my diet has not been the best this week. As you can see it’s been a rough week.

I’m trying hard not to let all of this put me a bad mood though. I’m trying to focus and bring it all back around. And as I am typing this, I realize why all of this is falling apart – I’m trying to do it on my own. I don’t mean that I’m doing it alone in the physical sense, I’ve been doing everything alone like that for years now – I mean that I am doing it outside of God’s strength and grace. I haven’t asked him to help. I praised him when an unexpected check came in the mail a couple of days ago that allowed me to pay some bills, but I forgot to include him in the daily struggles. I forgot to ask him for help and strength. I forgot to tell him I love him, taking it for granted that he knows. I forgot to praise him for making it through another day, for the fact that my son is doing well in school, for all the things that he has provided in my life. I tried to do it all on my own.

Control – it’s my struggle. For most of my younger life, nothing was in my control. I couldn’t control what other people did or thought of me, I couldn’t control when people left me, I couldn’t control what was happening around me. When you can’t control your life, you grasp for anything that you can control – your daily schedule, what you eat, etc. I always feel the need to be in control. When you want God’s best, you have to give up control. Not that you just let go of life and see what happens, but rather, that you choose to include God and listen to what it is he wants you to do. I have a hard time with that. So, I realize today that it’s time to give control to God again.

It all boils down to trust. Do I trust God? Do I trust him to take control of my day? I want to, I say that I do, but honestly, a lot times, I don’t. It’s a struggle for me. So how do I give him control? It’s actually really simple – I communicate with him, daily, constantly if need be. It’s so simple, yet we try to make it much more difficult. If we talk to a friend only every once in a while, can we trust them with our deepest secrets? The answer is a NO. But when we talk to our best friend, all the time, and we tell her everything and we listen to everything she tells us, and we hang out together and we share our lives with each other, we can trust that this friend will never betray us. That’s what God is asking of us. He wants us to talk to him just like we do our best friend, so that we can grow to trust him, so that we know that he has our best interests at heart.

So today, while you’re going about your schedule and your normal business, talk to God. Work on that relationship so that you can trust him. That’s what I’m getting back to today, talking to God, so I can work on my trust with him again.