Lights On

“If you realized how powerful your thoughts are, you would never think a negative thought.” –Pilgrims

These past couple of months I can easily and honestly say I have not been myself. It wasn’t that I was trying to be someone else…I just sort of lost the light that once kept me striving. I felt as though my wick had reached its end like that of a candle. I lost the energy, the drive, and the passion that once gave me this heightened sense of reality. I was turning my life into a pity party, that no one would show up to, and I was dim enough to wonder why.

Maybe it was Halloween that did it. Three consecutive days of trying to be someone else does provide the works to making one think about whom it is they are upon returning to their normal self. Or maybe it was Minnesota that did it. The moment I stepped off the plane (from Los Angeles) I was shocked to feel the frigid, crisp air against my skin. I exhaled deeply and I saw my breath for the first time in a very long time. To be honest, that deep exhale began as a sigh. A sigh because I lacked the energy to get through the weekend I knew I was going to endure the moment I stepped off that plane. But as I exhaled it was as if, for just a moment, I was present in my own body and mind. An epiphany moment. Insert light bulb above head. I guess it took me as far as seeing my literal breath to realize I was still breathing, still alive and needing to live.

In a conversation with an eloquent friend of mine, I had expressed that it was as if the world was living and moving around me and I was unmoving as I watched it all happen. I felt there was no control over my life. Now I realize that there wasn’t. The mind is a powerful thing, more in tune to reality than we can ever understand, as we only access a mere percent of it. I had no control over my life for no other reason then I believed that to be true. It is amazing. We can so quickly alter our reality with our thoughts. With that being said, there is no point in excuses or in complaining. No point in feeling sorry for one’s self or breathing life into self-doubt, something I had the unfortunate experience of doing for far too long.

I had been living in the dark, unable to see who or what was around me. At first my eyes would strain; but then, I stopped trying all together. I would wake up on the mornings I didn’t have class with the hope I slept in late enough to make the day go by a little faster. I would take naps in the middle of the day to waste time and I was making no effort to change my routine despite the constant complaints of remaining sad and lonely. Through the course of a few days, a few moments, I had come to realize that the light inside of me did not burn out like I initially thought. In fact, it was never even lit by a flame, it was lit by energy. Light is one of the quickest, most powerful, forms of energy. The more positive energy we have the lighter and brighter our lives are able to grow.

When we constantly strive for tomorrow to come, for a better a day, we are completely neglecting the moment we are in. The day that is among us. The moment we are in right now can dictate so many tomorrows. Thus why I leave you with this…live presently and live positively because the best way to prepare for tomorrow is by living for today.

♥ Taylor

P.S. The light bulb is sort of an ironic thing when you think about it. Operating just the same as our brains do, as we do use 200 kilocalories a day. That equates to 10 watts of power…or a small light bulb. I guess that when we draw a cartoon light bulb above our heads, upon the arrival of some great idea, it really isn’t that far off.

104 Responses

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Lisa Di Turi-Dini

November 6, 2015

Dear Taylor, You are not alone in your feelings. It is part of growing. When I was about your age, I wrote a poem called the birds outside my window. I felt like the only sounds of life, in my life, were the birds outside my window. And I was almost envious of their ability to be carefree & fly around and tweet their happy singing. What you have experienced is normal ,most however, do not express it as eloquently or with such mature insight. Unfortunately many are unaware of how to connect to that feeling, to recognize it in order to accept it and move on. It is part of life, part of growing. The only thing in life you can control are your choices. How you choose to feel or how you choose to react to the things in life that are beyond our control. You can also visualize where you want to be and strive to achieve your goals. On occasion they do not work out as we plan but that gives us another opportunity to grow by making a choice how we react in the face of adversity. When it doesn’t go as planned do we shut down and ask why me ? or do we find a solution to go around the obstacle.? Sometimes obstacles are there to teach us and to help us as it may force us to think outside the box therefore seeing there is more than one way to achieve the goals we set. Life is about Balance. If you find your balance between projects/work/friends/school/family etc.. you will not feel so overloaded. It is OK to say No. Sleeping and nap time is your body and mind slowing you down and taking a breath. To show you to be in the moment and to live life you have to be present. Rushing thru and overloading yourself isn’t living it is doing. Do with conviction and do w/ heart and do what makes you happy and moves you, while doing, be present and be you in all you do that is living. Live sweet Niece. And dance and sing like no one is watching ☺

admin

November 6, 2015

Auntie Lisa! I never realized how amazing of a writer you were and I wish I had earlier! I love how wise you are it means a lot hearing your insight on how I am feeling, it gives me perspective. I would LOVE tor read that poem sometime if you still have it. I myself love to write poems. I guess that sense of mind and writing may just run in the family!

Anne Sample

November 6, 2015

Taylor-

I was so excited to read your blog. You are a beautiful writer. You may (or may not know) that we live in Minnesota these days. I wanted to make sure that you know that you are welcome at our home anytime. We have a great place for taking a breath and celebrating the moment. We are also always glad to make a Sunday dinner for local college students. Give us a call or send a facebook message if we can buy you dinner down at the U or if you want to head out to Orono for some R&R and quiet time on the lake.

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About Taylor

I’m a Chicago born blogger living in Los Angeles with a perpetual love for fashion, art, and writing. Amongst these archives you may find posts on fashion trends, tips, words of advice, outfit ideas, food, lifestyle and travel. Taylordini.com was started as an outlet for myself; a way for me to release my thoughts and feelings in an organized and creative way. Unsure of where this blog will take me, I hope you join the journey in finding out.