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Management – The new reality

I had some pretty good news about my CLL .. the test results indicate while my health is not really great. I am at least stable. The white cell counts are way high but everything is pretty stable; this is good news. I might have the Leukemia but its moving slowly and its not manifesting into something I need to worry about. This a great relief for me because I have felt so lousy all summer… well all year. Its been akin to having a really bad case of the flu for the year…. Tired all the time, easily fatigued and cannot sleep more than a couple of hours at a time. I have been … delicately put… a big emotionally fragile. the tragic thing is that I think its been largely in my head. ( I know that bears explanation but I don’t have the time at the moment ..later) The point is that I need to look at the problem differently … not as something to solve but something to manage and accommodate. I might not get better bodywise but I can do my best to do things to stay emotionally and physically healthy …for as long as possible. I am not going to fight the medical people anymore. I need to learn better ways to feed the body and the mind and nourish the whole. Its the only way to be proactive in a manner that will yield results… as opposed to the way that I have been handling things; which definitely hasn’t worked.