Personal Growth – Suburban Tool Boxhttp://suburbantoolbox.com
Frugal tools for cost conscious intentional livingWed, 16 Aug 2017 02:39:01 +0000en-UShourly1https://wordpress.org/?v=4.8.1http://suburbantoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/11/cropped-MG_3451-1-1-32x32.jpgPersonal Growth – Suburban Tool Boxhttp://suburbantoolbox.com
3232The 4 repercussions of living vicariously that are robbing your life’s potentialhttp://suburbantoolbox.com/2017/08/4-repercussions-of-living-vicariously-that-are-robbing-your-lifes-potential/
http://suburbantoolbox.com/2017/08/4-repercussions-of-living-vicariously-that-are-robbing-your-lifes-potential/#respondFri, 11 Aug 2017 00:24:43 +0000http://suburbantoolbox.com/?p=1518I was out with my brother and his 6 year old son one evening when we walked past a small arcade in one of those music, pizza, entertainment type of restaurants. His son had a surprisingly more subdued reaction than I would have expected from a 6 year old as he climbed on the various video game chairs and simulators.

At some point I realized he had no idea how any of this arcade stuff worked. He was actually being entertained by simply watching the preview at the beginning of the game that attempts to get you to play it, and climbing on the equipment (at 6 he’s a semi-proficient rock climber). He had no idea how a video game even worked. I looked at my brother as he watched.

We had both thought video games were pretty awesome as kids but time changes perspectives, and he was about to outline his new perspective for me. He explained to me that his kid didn’t know what this stuff is because he doesn’t bring him around video games. Instead he encouraged activities such as biking, learning games, rock climbing, etc.). Initially, this seemed like an overly strict policy (Which isn’t really my brother’s style) until he explained to me that when he looks back on his childhood the best memories he had were ones he didn’t spend on the couch playing video games but rather ones where he was out exploring the cause and effect of the truest form of 3D ever made. Not virtual reality; actual reality. ‘Time playing video games was time robbed from my childhood’ he said. I reviewed my experience and had to agree that the considerable time spent playing video games, although enjoyable, was among none of my ‘ah-ha!’ moments in adolescent or even adult development. Time playing with bb guns, running in the woods, forming strategies with groups of other kids, learning from their emotions and ideas, was much more of a real “call of duty experience” for me than sitting semi-motionless with a plastic controller in my hand was I wasn’t spending taking real action only mimicking it. I’m not proposing that kids should never play video games, nor am I trying to dismiss the benefits of problem solving that gaming presents. I’m not a monster, but surely there is a happy medium, fast forward 20 years and this lesson still bears the same relevance. So I wondered what the greater benefits of avoiding so called “Tune out” activities might have on a person’s life, it explored to their full potential.

Science shows that experiences are what bring happiness. The depth of those experiences can vary widely. I submit that sitting down to watch TV, video games, or just to veg out, is a low quality experience that masquerades as entertainment while pushing out time that you would otherwise be experiencing your own personal, emotional, and physical arc, overlaid onto your own struggles, strengths, weaknesses, successes, and failures, and therefore rightfully so, enhancing you in ways specifically tailored to you, in ways the standard 3 act movie formula template cannot. In ways that are telling and healing to your personal short comings.

It’s in doing that we either win or fail, grow or shrink, learn or adapt. The sooner we begin experiencing this, the greater and more exaggerated the advantages we will have. Talking and theorizing are all judged against the litmus test of action. The earlier we start to explore this option surely, the better we’ll be at converting talking into doing. Words are a poor substitute for action. Don’t blame, just act. Don’t complain, just train. Don’t dwell on your failures, learn from them, fail some more, until you start to develop insights and competence, fail less, and gradually build an arsenal of emotional, trade, discipline, and life insight skills. This isn’t a new concept. Apparently, dudes and dudettes have been getting caught in this trap for quite a long time. In fact, this has been going on since long before video games were even a thing. It’s just that in this modern world we have so many more actionless distractions to pitfall our development. Check out this quote from Seneca from a couple thousand years ago:

“He should be delivering himself of such sayings, not memorizing them. It is disgraceful that a man who is old or in sight of old age should have wisdom deriving solely from his notebook. ‘Zeno said this.’ And what have you said? ‘Cleanthes said that.’ What have you said? How much longer are you going to serve under others? Assume authority over yourself and utter something that may be handed down to posterity. Produce something from your own resources.”.

He’s basically saying ‘Stop arm chair quarterbacking and go accomplish your own contributions to this world, in this brief and ever shortening life that you get to live’ or something like that.

This type of action-absent experience has at least 4 setbacks in adulthood as well. This is the trap of only gathering knowledge at the expense of experience. At some point we all must graduate to doing instead of knowing. Why? Because frequently the doing portion of the activity will reveal that there are gaps in the practical application of your knowledge. That’s why my philosophy has morphed to resemble something like “Unless you can do, you don’t really know”. Here are 4 common repercussions of this type voyeuristic imbalance:

1)-Living voyeuristically through the experiences of others is not the same as having actual life experiences. Why isn’t it? Because, by nature, the emotional reality is stripped out away from the situation for you. For example, watching an athlete perform calmly under pressure is not the same as knowing how to keep yourself calm while you’re heart is racing, you have adrenaline or anxiety telling you to rush, or maybe you’re just angry, or frustrated. The same is true for people who think watching movie characters navigate adversity in a 1 hour episode, or find true love in 90 minutes, or understand any of the meanings of life, or overcome extreme challenges through a 5 minute montage- You’ll never be able to experience the level of perseverance and focus it takes to handle a real goal, and this is what defeats most people in the end.

The calm cool collected guy or girl in real life is likely calm because he understands, people, situations, and elements involved from a place of real life experience and more importantly, a steady stream of failure(It’s the best simulator available). Of has no reason to be less than composed. Perhaps they have no idea of the social, emotional, and causal elements silently course another possibility is that that same calm collected guy or gal, just has no idea what is about to happen, and this brewing beneath the surface, and this makes them naive, ineffective, and less competent. Outcomes of social, emotional, physical, or project experiences clarify which is actually occurring. Perhaps they engaged in passive activities so long that they ironically, arrived at a similar place of delivery with none of the understanding that would actually make them competent. Similar to people who watch a lot of UFC fights and believe that this translates into their own ability to engage in physical combat.

2-Your trading time in front of the TV, gaming counsel, Facebook, etc. for your health. ‘Nonsense’ you say. ‘I would never make such a foolish trade’. However, bodies were not meant to sit stationary for long amounts of time. It’s a truth that bears out over and over in the effects it causes on our health. It’s also a truth that medical science continues to show has repercussions that rob you of your ability to live a healthy, rich, and active life, so it becomes sort of a re-enforced loop. You don’t engage life in a way that makes you act, and because of that, you are increasingly unable to act until the effort involved with executing goals outside of a chair becomes a barrier to entry.

3-You’re forfeiting the production output of your life’s energy. “A man’s or woman’s greatest resource is his/her labor”. This doesn’t mean you have to be a brick layer. It simply means you need to be participating in actionable experience. This just follows the cause and effect of losing your ability to take action when your health begins to decline. When you don’t feel good, it’s hard to harness the absolute best potential you are capable of, and sitting with your heart rate never elevated is not how humans have historically felt energized. That’s before considering that weakness often leads to injury, and injury is going to ensure it’s more difficult to even just grocery shop, much less, build you physical and mental dreams, or self-actualize with your life experiences.

4-Other people end up directing your life, not you. They’re simply filling the space that inaction has left. When you’re taking action toward a goal you’re often not sitting in front of media that guides and influences your perception of reality; you’re drawing your own conclusions from the reality of your experiences. Maybe you’re thinking of a person with a face and a name when I say that ‘a person that is literally telling you what to do’? It’s not necessarily like that. It’s not some grand conspiracy against you. It can be much more subtle than this. Your mind is an open vessel for suggestion, persuasion, and marketing. Marketing made by groups of people all trying to persuade and influence behavior, often to have a designed outcome. Usually buying something they’ve convinced you that you need to be happy, to fit in, to maintain your status in society, or with the opposite sex. It’s everywhere, playing on your fears and insecurities.

They tell you what products you’ll buy, what your lifestyle should look like, what a relationship looks like, what your life is lacking, what’s trendy, what you’ll need in order to be socially accepted by your peers, that work happens in fun little montages over the course of several minutes not days or months, and as a result, your expectations for these things are often false. So much so that when you finally attempt activities you’ve only seen exemplified in movies and commercials, there’s no way you cannot feel like you’ve failed because it won’t meet the false model of synthetic reality that you have been shown over and over, in every place you actually formed an expectation of what it should look like. The feeling of deflation and failure can leave you an easy target to be labeled a victim and get sucked into the blame machine of outwardly focused reasons for your failure, instead of the much more uncomfortable but ultimately empowering, inwardly focused one. These are the things that help to usher in the next stronger version of you-a new you with ever growing potential.

Fast forward to our adult lives and still we need reminding of the same lessons. Likely, it’s not video games guiding your time anymore. Maybe it’s binge watching a new series that adds nothing beyond hours of entertainment while distracting us from what Seneca states is “Assuming authority over yourself and utter something that may be handed down to posterity”.

So what are you supposed to do with this knowledge? How about this: Take 2 weeks without TV, video games, or social media. Use this time to do only activities that have a potential for rich experience: connect with a friend you haven’t seen, for an hour or two, build a project with your kid, learn a new skill you’ve always wanted to know, study a new language, run-Just do something that you’ve been putting off, that you’ve always wanted to do, that would enhance your life. It doesn’t have to be impractical, like quitting your job and going to Europe. Then repeat it again as many times as you find value in it. At the end of 2 weeks, ask yourself if that felt more like living you’re life on purpose than the alternative. Ask yourself if this is a better version of you?; a version you are more proud of? If so, you don’t need to stop at 2 weeks you can continue for a long as you feel like growing.

]]>http://suburbantoolbox.com/2017/08/4-repercussions-of-living-vicariously-that-are-robbing-your-lifes-potential/feed/0Use the incredible power of saying “no” to break through the next levelhttp://suburbantoolbox.com/2017/06/use-the-incredible-power-of-saying-no-to-break-through-the-next-level/
http://suburbantoolbox.com/2017/06/use-the-incredible-power-of-saying-no-to-break-through-the-next-level/#commentsMon, 05 Jun 2017 08:13:34 +0000http://suburbantoolbox.com/?p=1490 So you’ve made your lists, set out all the “to do” items and maybe several “Would be nice to complete items” or “stretch goals” if we want to make it all corporate sounding. You’ve been having great success with this for some time. You no longer forget to do things you need to, you’re able to lump like tasks together like errands, and you’ve started getting a nice sense of satisfaction from crossing things off said list. But lately, maybe you feel like you’ve hit a wall for what’s reasonable for a person to accomplish with their time. Maye your list has started to feel like it’s too big for the hours you have in the day. I was feeling the same way as my list grew larger and larger as a way to challenge and test my limitations.

This is how it starts for many people. When they’re initially starting out they have very clear ideas about what they want to do, but as items and complexity get added it becomes increasingly more difficult to simply prioritize what to do and when, especially if you don’t take time to be very intentional and “on purpose” with what you really want at the end of your day or weekend of activity rich accomplishment.

When I reflect on what makes me feel most accomplished, what really makes me happy, like the type of items that I still have that lingering feeling of contentment, satisfaction, and lasting joy from days, and weeks later, there are a few common themes that appear consistently. Simple things that I could have only come to know in the doing.-organizing a cluttered area, making a room, a space, an environment more restoring or happy to be in, or perhaps removing something that annoys me like that item I always bump into on the counter as I’m trying to get make breakfast in a hurry, or that thing I can’t ever seem to find like the lid to the Tupper ware containers when I’m running late, or that stupid table that I bump into every night when going to take a pee. But I, like most people, often simply forget, in the fog of daily activities, to start with cultivating these outcomes as my goal, not just crossing items, even high importance items off my list. Because high importance and high happiness payback are not always the same. Start by asking better questions. Questions that drive a happier outcome-Questions such as:

What do you most need or want to have done at the end of the week, weekend, etc.?’

What is the thing that is going to make you feel accomplished, happy?

Which ones are going to provide a quality of life improvement by eliminating clunky friction throughout your daily life?

What do you look at or struggle with most frequently that would make your life easier if not there?

Is it the fact that you have to rush around in the mornings? The evenings?

Would you simply like to feel more comfortable in your habitat?

Is there something you could change about your room to get better sleep (Curtains, white noise, bedding)?

Is there a cluttered or dirty space that you’ve been dealing with for so long, you simply have forgotten it’s full of clutter?

What have you been putting off so much that you’ve become afraid of?-likely for no reason. Go over and crush that thing today.

The real goal of this more intentional way of approaching what is important to YOUR life is to stop being distracted by inconsequential activities (Facebook, text message interruptions, phone calls, conversations that are unnecessary or being used as an escape from the real activities you need to do.

Usually the activities you are a little scared of are the ones that will bring you the greatest sense of satisfaction to complete. See this cycle for what it is and realize that when you are struggling with a task, it’s because it often has the greatest potential to unlock and bring happiness, but it must be difficult or the resulting high will be short lived. This isn’t to say that everything that is difficulty will bring you happiness, but the things that bring you happiness are so often difficult. Perhaps it would be more accurate to say they take massive unflinching effort.

Is your garage hugely disorganized from years of using it as a catch all room? It will take a great effort to clean it but that is why you’ll feel so great once you do it. Have you let your body get out of shape? It will take some struggle and more importantly consistency to get it to where you want, but it will feel great only equal to the effort you put in. Do you have a relationship you’ve put on the back burner? It will take time and conscious dedicated effort to turn that around over a long period of time, but it WILL happen if you don’t give up when you get discouraged or feel overwhelmed by what it takes to get the result you want.

If fact, it’s fine to feel overwhelmed, crushed, discouraged, just don’t let that be the end of the story. In exercise-stop for 5 min catch your breath again, watch how you suddenly can go a little further once you have more oxygen for your brain again, and then get back to it. In relationships, take some time to sort out your thoughts and get clear on how you really feel about an obstacle, then get back in there, if that’s what you decide, and get a better more functional outcome, knowing that the health of the relationship is your goal. In manual labor, take half an hour or an hour to cool off or warm up, get some food, do a fun instant gratification task, and then get back to it.

You will be rewarded even if you stop temporarily to rebalance yourself, as long as you don’t stop taking meaningful action permanently. No genuine reward comes without that struggle. Comforts come without struggle, little widgets you can buy or electronic gadgetry, but the big highs and satisfactions of life are ripe with strife and discomfort. Start to recognize this pattern and remind yourself of it when you are thinking about quitting because “things are too hard”. With some time you’ll start to understand this with foresight and embrace the causal relationship of having to “struggle”.

Another powerful tool for staying on track is also one of the simplest. It’s the power of exercising your freewill to say no to things that don’t matter, instead of being sucked into distractions or activities with no beneficial outcome. The power of “no” is so deeply woven into the concept of perseverance, because it’s often yourself you need to tell no. ‘No-I won’t stop right now because I told myself I would do this thing and I’m an adult who does what I say I will. To fail at this is to admit that I’m not honest with myself about why I don’t succeed at …..’

The power of “no” feels amazing once you embrace it. You’ll find that it crosses into so many aspects of your life, helping to set firm boundaries that keep you honest about your wants needs and goals-Music you no longer want to hear-thumbs down. Next song, spam email-nope-blocked, social obligations that feel like chores-no, sorry I’m not going to be able to make it-Got a lot going on this weekend, tonight, forever, etc. Activities that were once fun but aren’t anymore-no more!, possessions that have become simple clutter-not in my house. You’re getting donated or sold for a tax write off or for cash, because it’s about pushing out things that don’t bring you joy to allow room for things that do, or perhaps just simple absence of anything that you can use for reflection, thought, or just simply being. So go on, say “no” to something today and see how much better you can feel permanently by having it gone.

]]>http://suburbantoolbox.com/2017/06/use-the-incredible-power-of-saying-no-to-break-through-the-next-level/feed/2Whatever you want in life, give it first.http://suburbantoolbox.com/2017/05/whatever-you-want-in-life-give-it-first/
http://suburbantoolbox.com/2017/05/whatever-you-want-in-life-give-it-first/#commentsMon, 08 May 2017 03:04:05 +0000http://suburbantoolbox.com/?p=1407So you’ve got the drive. You’ve got the willingness to do a project on your own. You get the concept that often times in life you can set aside the big scary narrative about how outside of your reach, manual, emotional, physical health, and altruistic tasks are. How helpless you are at influencing your own outcomes. You’re ready for action, there’s just one problem. You don’t quite have the skills to make the rubber meet the road so to speak. You don’t know how to do “Skilled tasks”. As is the case with all of us, you don’t yet know how to do absolutely everything. There’s always more to learn. Perhaps you’re not as experienced in some of the emotional competencies either, such as being an intentional friend. That’s not a jab. No one starts of being the pillar their other friends can lean on. We all figure things like this out as we continue to grow. Maybe you’re the one who wishes you had more of those “on purpose” type of relationships. The ones you intentionally develop with exactly the people you want in your life. It’s one of those ‘Which came first the chicken or the egg’ situations and the solution can be a win/win-You can grow and enhance your capacities while enhancing someone else’s experiences as well.

I don’t mean this in some sort of Nigerian wire scam way, where you send all of your money to someone else believing that it will come back to you ten-fold, but it’s exactly this type of giving concept that can both help someone else and fill in many of the blanks for you in whatever your endeavor is. Again, be smart about how you apply this. Don’t go to the most selfish person you know, help them with a bunch of things, and then be offended when the keep taking and asking for more. These people are not your target audience. Here’s a brief example from one of my experiences:

I had just bought my fixer upper and it desperately needed a new roof. I’m not just being slightly dramatic. The roof was leaking in multiple spots, had rotten sections that you could barely stand on, and was sagging more than it should. The previous owner tried to remedy this by shoving plastic bags into it wherever it leaked, which was all over the place. I didn’t have 3-5k to pay someone to fix this. None the less it had to get done. I had worked on a roof project as a teenager but that was at least 20 years ago. I had no idea how to do it today. What I needed was a tune up, a refresher course, but where was I going to find a roofing mentor, or possibly a wizard on such short notice? Where indeed.

I read several articles online that gave me the basics and steered me clear of a few beginner mistakes while giving me the basic principles involved. Then I found what I was looking for; my local branch of Habitat for Humanity was building a house for a good family and needed volunteers.

I signed up and inquired if they would be redoing the roof. Sure enough they were and gave me the dates that they’d need volunteers for that project. It was a great chance to test run the whole process, see how they managed, trash disposal, air hoses, nailers, materials layout, installation, and really just see what I would be up against.

In a weekend, I got to meet great people, partake in a good cause, have a new experience, and learn how a roof install works. By the time I tried it on my own roof, I had all the kinks worked out and was able to have my new roof installed in less than 3 weekends (I have a full time job) with a little help from some family and friends.

The whole experience left me with a great template for acquiring new skills and helping other people while also helping myself. I’ve since been back for additional projects with other organizations ranging from, demolition, to harvesting oranges at a local orchard.

This isn’t an attempt to virtue signal with my “humble brag”. No one likes a virtue signaler because it’s more about them than what they’re telling you; I said I was doing it for my own self-interests and I was, but that doesn’t mean it can’t also be a win/win situation that simultaneously benefits someone else at the same time. Come to think about it, this seems like a good way to approach a lot of ventures. (Link to article on how to make a good business deal)

Simultaneously during this same time period I met a new friend who was knowingly or unknowingly executing this same principle on me. He’d show up to see if I needed any help for no reason. I barely even knew this guy but he lived a few houses down from me and would just pop by to lend his services. From that experience, I operate from a place of extreme gratitude for this individual whenever he needs anything, which to hear him tell it, is never. So I looks for places I can contribute. I can’t help but give back any chance I see, because of his taking action to make a new friend, help someone in need, or whatever his motivations were at the time. That was many years ago and I still don’t feel like we’re even after many projects together since then.

In short it’s been a synergy that all started with giving, and giving takes action. Talking won’t do it. So take action today no matter what the category is. Call a friend you’d like to see more of. Help someone with a project in a department you’d like to learn more about.

Maybe you’ve already got a skill, and maybe you can share this skill at some point with someone who needs it, someone capable of appreciating it. Who knows, they may have a skill as well that they then share with you until the whole thing reverberates into a feedback loop enriching both of your lives for years to come.

Friendships have been made on less. And if they don’t, at the very least you can get to be part of the brotherhood of men helping men/women helping women, that is so crucial to this human experience we get to live. Something not attainable without taking meaningful action or well intentioned talking about it. .

]]>http://suburbantoolbox.com/2017/05/whatever-you-want-in-life-give-it-first/feed/2Here are my eighteen best days in 2016. What are some of yours?http://suburbantoolbox.com/2017/04/here-are-my-five-eighteen-best-days-in-2016-what-are-some-of-yours/
http://suburbantoolbox.com/2017/04/here-are-my-five-eighteen-best-days-in-2016-what-are-some-of-yours/#respondMon, 24 Apr 2017 15:23:46 +0000http://suburbantoolbox.com/?p=1394Here are my eighteen best days in 2016. What are some of yours?

This isn’t meant or brag or sound like my life is more glamorous than it truly is, from what I understand that’s what facebook and instagram are for. These highs are meant purely as some ammunition to fuel your creative juices and maybe one or two ideas to piggyback off of as you look for new ways to grow into the best version of yourself on a budget this coming year. But also, I think this can be a valuable exercise to acknowledge, and in doing so, better understand the type of things? Experiences? People? That make you happy when you look at a large amount of time and filter out the white noise.

I found that buying things didn’t seem to even make the top 20, although I’d acknowledge that things like the yard sale bike I bought for $30 or the $20 I spent on a kayak rental or airfare did play a part in SOME experiences, they are the exception to what brought happiness.

If you have something, an activity, hobby, or passion that you feel others could use for their own enjoyment, please feel free to post it in the comments below.

11) Driving with my niece for the first time after she got her learners permit.

12) Waking up at 4 am to take pictures of a lake bed as the fog rolled in at the first purple light of sunrise.

13) Exploring my childhood house in the fall and see how much both I and it have changed.

14) Seeing my dad take on a new love and skill in woodworking as a 73 year old.

15) Structuring my living area in ways that gave me both more space and creature comforts (Basically I decorated and moved some furniture but it eliminate daily eye sores, inconveniences, and added the visual and structural precision, and flow that I see every day.

16) Breaking my personal land speed record.

17) Almost every conversation I got to explore with my siblings and friends.

You know how people say encouraging or motivational things like ‘Just be yourself’ or ‘You are the only problem you’ll ever have and also, the only solution.’? Well I started getting curious about exactly who this inner person they were describing was, and wanted to get to know exactly what makes me tick a little better. With that in mind, I set off on a self-exploration journey, to take the Myers-Briggs personality test (3 times because I wanted to be sure the results were accurate and not just based on my mood at that moment).

What I found out was strikingly accurate; almost like someone who really knew me well had been following me around making observations for years, not the 20 minutes it took to take the test. Very specific things not horoscope level generalities that could apply to any given person. Having this info spelled out in black in white was hugely helpful for me. Here are some insights that I noticed as a result of taking the test and you probably will too.

1) You’ll understand other people’s behaviors better because you understand your own better.

For example, I learned that the extroverted side of my personality gets energy from engaging with other people. Many of you may be thinking ‘So?’. This may be because you are also somewhat extroverted as well. The real revelation was that everyone isn’t this way. Introverts (this isn’t simply the same as being shy) get their energy and rejuvenation from being away from people. It allows them to recharge, where as it usually makes me slow down.

2) You’ll get validation for specific behaviors in yourself. Apparently people with my personality type workout as a means of dealing with stress. What a terrible habit, I know. At least now, I know that I don’t really need to overthink this behavior in myself.

3) You’ll better and more consciously understand what you need-Free time, time to connect with people, time away from people, social interaction, etc.

4) You’ll better understand things you’re not good at.

This is so valuable because other people rarely tell you constructive things, especially when they’re negative, in a well-meaning attempt to spare your feelings, even though it’s specifically this feedback that gives the most insight into the parts of you that you’d prefer not to look at. For this reason they can be extremely helpful. This being said, negativity is not the same as constructive criticism or guidance.

5) You’ll understand and value the ways other people are different from you and be more aware and able to harness them, instead of trying to make them like you.

I’m not great at focusing on details for long periods of time, instead I gravitate toward the process and the environment and outcome around the details. I am however good at focusing on concepts and Theories, and creative aspects of a project for longer amounts of time than others. I pair well and appreciate people that do have this complimentary attention to detail, and can keep it for long periods of time, on subjects I cannot, gravitating toward specifics. In fact, I learn a great deal from them when I’m around them.

6) You can use it to guide how you approach tasks in your career, or choose your next career steps, or guide your life path in general. For example, my personality does best when paired with tasks and activities that involve other people.

7) You’ll understand weird stuff you didn’t know about how you approach the world. Apparently I’m a judger (Strangely this is not the same as being judgmental), meaning I like to draw conclusions from my curiosity about people, places, things, and situations. I speculate about meaning, as I gather information about people, places, things, and situations. Seems perfectly normal to me, so you can imagine my shock when I realized, some people don’t do this. They instead, prefer to keep gathering more information and just experience things, while not necessarily concluding what they may mean, just experiencing it. I had no idea that this was even a concept before running down the Meyers-Briggs experience corridor.

The skeptic in me wonders how accurate the whole personality archatyping thing even is, but the pragmatist in me thinks that, if it’s an effective way or better understanding different types of people, then perhaps the outcome supports and shows the benefit of exploring the concept.

If you’d like to take the personality test yourself you can do so at 16personalities.com. Then you can simply invest some time in learning about your personality type on youtube. There is also an expanded deeper dive article that can be purchased on 16 personalities is you want more info. I think it was $30 or so.

]]>http://suburbantoolbox.com/2017/04/6-things-that-youll-learn-when-you-understand-your-meyers-briggs-personality-type-better/feed/0How to get more time out of your day: 6 tips to maximize your time savings.http://suburbantoolbox.com/2017/04/how-to-get-more-time-out-of-your-day-5-tips-to-maximize-your-time-savings-squeeze-30-min-of-activities-before-or-after-work/
http://suburbantoolbox.com/2017/04/how-to-get-more-time-out-of-your-day-5-tips-to-maximize-your-time-savings-squeeze-30-min-of-activities-before-or-after-work/#commentsMon, 03 Apr 2017 02:47:32 +0000http://suburbantoolbox.com/?p=1379 How to get more time out of your day: 6 tips to maximize your time savings.

I hate that I even have to do this but sometimes it seems like there just isn’t enough time in the day to get the things done that need getting done. Because of this I’ve had to find some creative strategies for squeezing in more activities into the time that I have. Here are 5 tips I’ve found to help be through the busiest days.

1) Put a time budget and associate it with each task. This concept really is meant to speak to the idea of being intentional or “on purpose” about the tasks we choose to do. Just doing the dishes can take 20-30 minutes if you saunter through it, but since we’re talking about making better use of our time, let’s try to beat the standard time. There’s a fine line between rushing so much that you’re in a frantic frenzy and simple not allowing yourself to be distracted. Almost without fail, when I set a realistic time budget, I find that I can do better than I had mentally been telling myself, and b) I enjoy the stimulus and engagement of having a time challenge within reason. I use to tell myself that oil changes take “forever” but found it was more like 20 minutes once I started measuring it.

2) Run 1 errand every day on your lunch break. The deceptive and also awesome thing about making very small, incremental, and continuous improvements is that you can accomplish very large goals simply by breaking them down into bite sized pieces. It makes daunting, unmanageable, or overwhelming tasks seem completely doable. All you need to do it chip away at it one little piece at a time. Look back after a day, week, a month, a year and the incredible things you will accomplish will surprise even the most ardent skeptics. One down side to a strategy of continuous improvement such as this is, if you’re like me, it can rob you of that feeling of having everything completed as you look back at your day. This can feel like you’re not making a dent. For this reason, I like to write it down so I can see visually how much I’m accomplished at a glance. Progress not perfection is what you’re going for.

3) Set a timer for 20 min in the morning or evening when you get home and blast through some chores. I call it my 20 minute blitz. You’ll find that when you’re singularly focused and on task you can really blast through much more than you could otherwise.

4) Make a list using a list app on your phone. The quote “We need reminding, as much as learning” really hits home for me about the need to organize and store your thoughts, tasks, and priorities. Remembering all those items that slip your mind, that need to get done is sometimes more challenging than actually doing them. Not being able to connect to the important activities that matter because you can’t remember them has the effect of wasting the time where they could actually be completed. The list app is a great equalizer but if you need even more of an edge try…..

5) Google now reminders. These can be set based on time or location. Say you need to remember to get the trash bin out for pickup when you get home from work. Just tell google to remind you and your smart phone will use it’s GPS to pop up a reminder when you arrive at your destination. This task works great for other addresses as well. I set reminders for my friends’ addresses who have borrowed tools and not returned them. This way, the next time I’m there I’ll remember to pick it up.

6) Put your phone and TV away from your bed. Across the room is a good place. This will help you stop wasting 10-30 minutes before bed on Facebook watching cat videos, and possibly another 10-20 minutes in the morning doing the same thing. Bam! Just like that you got nearly another 6 hours back in your week for doing tasks that actually have importance to your life’s outcome.

I knew what I was getting into going into this. I went along to support a friend who was feeling some pressure to make it to the next rung in his life. He’d heard a commercial about how to make tons of money flipping houses with no money down and was eager to start his new life as a land baron along with the other 80 people attending.

We arrived early and approached the non-descript rented conference center. We were greeted immediately by two people who had both the social err of a junior politician and the overly nice mannerisms of someone who wants something from you. We knew going in that they would likely be trying to sell something. I figured this would be just one more chance for me to practice saying no while mentally jousting with salesmen who ignore the word “no” like that friend that always insists you do shots on spring break.

What we experienced did not disappoint for someone attending to see a shameless sales spectacle in action with someone selling something they clearly know is a lie. I literally felt like I was in the old West listening to a snake oil salesman sell his product from the side of a medicine stage coach with village folk gathered around.

As we proceeded into the conference room, I could immediately see that the other attendees were from all walks of middle and lower socio economic status, also convinced that this was about to be their big break. I scanned their faces, they were excited, and I felt like a jerk for being the skeptic in the crowd that would be destroying their dreams if only silently in my head. Some people came dressed to denote themselves as more serious than others. I fell into the latter category with my workout shorts, hooded sweatshirt and two containers of liquids-one coffee and one water. The whole place had the stench of desperation found in a payday title loan store, no matter how the people were dressed.

See the problem with these get rich quick seminars is that people also view them as a legitimate and LIKELY prospects for them to make money and be successful. This is in spite of the fact that there were warnings on virtually every slide of the “presentation” stating that “results are not to be expected”, essentially confirming that any of the success stories they had shared as likely results, were outliers that defied the absolutely terrible odds of making money using their scheme err, I mean system.

The presentation began to go through each of its talking points in clichéd fashion, telling us how we didn’t actually need any of the things that a person obviously does in fact need for real estate-money, time, know how, some demonstration of aptitude for throwing around 6-figured sums of money.

The instructor was an older man with a transparent and calculated smile, using it like a disarming weapon, probably in his fifties, who proceed to garner his credibility by saying how he sold his first property when he was just out of college, describing how much money could be made for an early retirement. My face spasmed slightly as my last remaining cerebral calculations completed using the power of the thermos coffee I had brought with me. ‘If you’re making so much money, and real estate bought on highly leveraged debt is the path to retirement, why aren’t you a) retired already and b) selling this course instead of focusing on your clear real estate empire?’ I first wondered, then grumbled just loud enough for no one to actually hear me. Ok, maybe I only said it in my head.

Where had I heard this line of thinking before I wondered? Oh right, this was the same bullshit I was hearing right around the time of the housing crash in 2006-“Buy real estate using other people’s money, then just fix and flip the property for more money”. Why isn’t everyone doing this! Probably because it’s more complicated than that and it caused Americans to lose 40% of their wealth the last time around. Risk muther truckers that’s why! Buying properties leveraged on other leveraged properties is like falling victim to a Ponzi scheme that you run on yourself. If you owe $1200 a month in payments and rent a property for $1300 a month, taxes, property management fees, and repairs will eat any theoretical cash flow. It was hard to watch.

But it didn’t all need to be cynical observations on my part. Perhaps there was something that could be learned from the misfortune of these people and applied as a template to help others avoid a similar financial pitfall. Below are 7 possible observations to consider if you’re looking at your next big endeavor.

1) Looking at the dissenting point of view can have tremendous value. It’s the core of concepts like having a diverse pool of thought to influence you, and ironically it’s frequently the perspective that you often don’t want to hear that has the most value and stimulates you to grow, because none of us knows it all. Think of the reviews on Amazon, many of the most insightful and useful ones are the negative ones. They tell you what is potentially wrong with a purchase, where you might be wasting your money, and occasionally what a better substitute is.

2) Most Human beings inherently want to see a good or positive side of their future life. This leaves a vulnerability that is often exploited and hijacked in sales. Paint a picture that is so robust and glamorous that people begin to picture something so positive that they will ignore the negatives begging them to be cautions, and defend their new dream to keep you from stealing/denying it. They actually encouraged this line of thinking during the robbery, I mean seminar, telling people that anyone who disagreed was basically a hater and should be ignored. It felt like a cult. Pump the breaks a little step back and make decisions slowly not impulsively. Speaking of which….

3) The urgency sell works. Rushing makes humans behave emotionally. If you tell a person that you’ll sell them a widget for 20% off they might say ‘It’s a good deal but not great enough for me to pull the trigger so I’ll think on it calmly, rationally, and slowly”. But if you tell them that this is the last widget available because all the rest have sold out, it a) creates an urgency that wasn’t there and b) creates a false narrative of social proof since it is implied that your decision to purchase it is supported by all the other people that did it before you. Just thinking about those 2 scenarios, doesn’t one feel more emotional than the other?

4) The scarcity mentality works (because it creates urgency-See above). As we walked in, there were only about 20 chairs set up, even though you had to RSVP in advance and bring a guest. In other words, they knew we were coming.

As each group of people walked in, these “masterminds” would walk ahead of you and unstack chairs for you to sit in. Why was this? They knew we were coming. They had plenty of time to prepare. They even had plenty of room in the ballroom. They were trying to subtly imply that there were more people than there were products or opportunities, in order to trigger our scarcity mentality and cause us to “rush” to beat the other people at buying their product. Once this happened….

5) Social proof is more powerful than people think. Once this happened, it became a self-reinforcing perception, much like a slightly racist aunt or uncle’s world view. People later began rushing to beat the other attendees to the purchase table. The other attendees saw how many people were moving, causing them to decide to move so they wouldn’t be left out of this now visually and socially observable correct decision. Nothing draws a crowd like a crowd.

6) People want to hear that the rules and repercussions don’t apply to them (bad credit, no money saved, no experience). If these things are in fact so arbitrary, why is it that billion dollar corporations rely on them when deciding if they will give you a loan? It’s called the four “C’s” (Capacity, Capitol, Character, & Collateral) and is not only the basis of most mortgage transactions but many other business deals.

7) There are plenty of ways to make money in real estate but these aren’t it. Tons of people have made boat loads of money in real estate, still more people have lost even greater sums in real estate because they leveraged and extended themselves too far, or simply didn’t take enough time to understand the risks involved. When that happens it only takes a swing in interest rates, economy, or perhaps a rise in crime in your area to dissolve your profit.

The painful truth is that you will need the majority of these things to make money in real estate, and even then it’s no guarantee. Sometimes bad luck even hits the people that are prepared. Knowledge is power. Putting it into action is even more powerful, but getting bad advice from someone selling you something they wouldn’t buy themselves will only set you off course.

Feel free to leave your thoughts in the comments below.

]]>http://suburbantoolbox.com/2017/03/5-eerr-maybe-7-things-i-learned-about-humans-by-attending-a-smarmy-real-estate-seminar/feed/2I wrote the most cliche’ article you’ll read all day and it may still be helpfulhttp://suburbantoolbox.com/2017/03/i-wrote-the-most-cliche-article-youll-read-all-day-and-it-may-still-be-helpful/
http://suburbantoolbox.com/2017/03/i-wrote-the-most-cliche-article-youll-read-all-day-and-it-may-still-be-helpful/#commentsMon, 20 Mar 2017 05:09:58 +0000http://suburbantoolbox.com/?p=1336I wrote the most cliche’ article you’ll read all day and it may still be helpful: Attitude and success.

Imagine there are 10 people in a room; five of them think they are responsible for their own success no matter how difficult, and the other 5 think their success is someone else’s responsibility. Oversimplified, I agree but play along. They are all given a challenging task to complete which none of them are trained in. Which group do you think will have the most success?

Ok, it’s a rhetorical question but still I bump into people in life over and over that have this perspective and fail to see that it is self-defeating. Literally people who have my same job, live in the same neighborhood, and share so many other things in common with my socio-economic make up. We all have a back story of obstacles, adversity, and challenges; some much worse than others, but some of the most impressive people I know, have been dealt some of the most friction (to put it mildly). It’s having a mental narrative that says, ‘I will make my success in spite of this’ that makes all the difference. Yes people like this are sometimes outliers that prove to others what is possible. For example, the first runner to break the 4 minute mile. Up to that point it had never been done, but once someone came along and showed it was possible people began to rise to the occasion. The same is true outside of physical feats. It a person has any chance of making it at all, in most areas of life, it’s in keeping an attitude like this.

It pains me to see people fall into the marketing that panders to them, painting a highly inaccurate view of the cause and effect of their life’s circumstances, because it guarantees they will continue to live in the same experience and cycle of failure, constantly blaming others for why they can’t get ahead, sometimes legitimately, other times inaccurately, but always looking outside of themselves for someone to correct their future. Here’s a great article from doublingdollars.com on the subject.

This quote seems so direct and to the point from the book and life experience of Cheryl Strayed in Wild: From Lost to Found on the Pacific Crest Trail.

“Fear, to a great extent, is born of a story we tell ourselves, and so I chose to tell myself a different story from the one women are told. I decided I was safe. I was strong. I was brave. Nothing could vanquish me. Insisting on this story was a form of mind control, but for the most part, it worked.” -Cheryl Strayed

The stories and words you use to tell yourself what is happening to you in life become your reality. Be cautious of narratives that traps you in a victim status because you will always need to move beyond this.

The truth for many, many people(not all) is that there biggest challenge in life is the one that they look at in the mirror every morning-That’s the person that doesn’t stick to a budget. That’s the person that gives you unhealthy food and decides if you sit on the couch instead of seizing your potential as a human, and that’s the person you need to focus on for improvement when things aren’t going the way you want. Sure, there are bosses that are jerks, coworkers that are a “challenge” to work with, tragedies, human bias, a-holes, and financial surprises that aren’t your fault, but these are all amplified for the person that isn’t managing their life well to begin with, telling themselves self-defeating narratives.

Control what’s in your realm to control, that’s truly all each of us can do, whether we’re rich, poor, affluent, educated, uneducated, smart or stupid. Sure, these are “first world problems” but these are the people I’m talking to in this article. Third world hunger, disease, and war will all be solved in another article I’m writing about how to be all knowing and all powerful.

]]>http://suburbantoolbox.com/2017/03/i-wrote-the-most-cliche-article-youll-read-all-day-and-it-may-still-be-helpful/feed/2The outrageous benefits of learning the skill of practicing contentment.http://suburbantoolbox.com/2017/03/the-outrageous-benefits-of-learning-the-skill-of-practicing-contentment/
http://suburbantoolbox.com/2017/03/the-outrageous-benefits-of-learning-the-skill-of-practicing-contentment/#commentsMon, 06 Mar 2017 15:43:53 +0000http://suburbantoolbox.com/?p=1338It seems that there is sometimes a paradox in life that people build their own prisons and then spend the rest of their life trying break out, only to get back to exactly the place they started from, not realizing the contentment they had until they were able to compare it to their future state. This can be seen in so many areas of life.

In relationships for example, take the person who always wants to be in a relationship, but when they are, want nothing more than to be single and free.

Take the person who has a carefree lifestyle but trades it for a debt so that they may have a glamorous lifestyle because they believe it will bring them a greater happiness, later realizing that they wish it was carefree again but now need to work constantly to pay off their new debts. All of this while telling themselves that the items of convenience they bought are the same thing as being content, or better you happy.

Think one more time of the craftsman, or hobbyist, that truly loves his hobby only to find that when forced to do it every single day no longer enjoys it.

A great demonstration of this concept is the following fictional short story. It’s more than just an anecdotal tale though. The people of Okinawa seem to bear out the validity of this lesson in statistical truth. They are not wealthy but embrace a way of life, activity, and diet that gives them a figurative fountain of youth. This is why they have more people over 100 years old than any other people in the world. They are no doubt super-agers and it’s not simply genetic. Citizens who move off the Island and adopt a Western diet also contract “western diseases”. I couldn’t help but think of them the first time I heard the following story.

An American investment banker was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellowfin tuna. The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them.

The Mexican replied, “only a little while. The American then asked why didn’t he stay out longer and catch more fish? The Mexican said he had enough to support his family’s immediate needs. The American then asked, “but what do you do with the rest of your time?”

The Mexican fisherman said, “I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take siestas with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine, and play guitar with my amigos. I have a full and busy life.” The American scoffed, “I am a Harvard MBA and could help you. You should spend more time fishing and with the proceeds, buy a bigger boat. With the proceeds from the bigger boat, you could buy several boats, eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your catch to a middleman you would sell directly to the processor, eventually opening your own cannery. You would control the product, processing, and distribution. You would need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then LA and eventually New York City, where you will run your expanding enterprise.”

The Mexican fisherman asked, “But, how long will this all take?”

To which the American replied, “15 – 20 years.”

“But what then?” Asked the Mexican.

The American laughed and said, “That’s the best part. When the time is right you would announce an IPO and sell your company stock to the public and become very rich, you would make millions!”

“Millions – then what?”

The American said, “Then you would retire. Move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take siestas with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine and play your guitar with your amigos.”

What’s the point?

Once you’ve got a little financial breathing room, you can start to ask questions and make decisions that improve your quality of life-You don’t have to cringe with hesitation when deciding if you’re going to address that weird sound coming from your car because you just can’t afford one more expense right not. You don’t have to fall into a fundraising panic when you learn that your hot water heater is leaking. You don’t have to work Saturday to make extra money to cover an unexpected birthday (These shouldn’t be unexpected to begin with since they come every year).

Now you’ve got some momentum

Now the next phase starts to kick in-You start to invest the excess cash you have and before you know it you’re feeling like you’ve actually got some options in life instead of being controlled by money and having it dictate your every waking decision: When you get up, what you wear, how you speak, what you literally use your mind to focus on throughout the day.

You can start directing your life in increasingly more meaningful ways,ways that are meaningful to you, and while you’re at it you’ll be available to be a better friend, spouse, and support system for the people you love. Let’s face it, it’s hard to help people when you’re just treading water yourself either by your limited time or money.

The point isn’t to glorify money, it’s to get to a place where money doesn’t dictate your decisions any more. A place where you can operate not out of financial fear but instead by asking questions like “What is the highest version of me that I can be?” “What does that look like?” “What does this person do every week, day, month?”

Side Notes:

Spending money doesn’t equal happiness

Health and fitness- healthy mind = healthy body..or more likely, it’s the other way around.

Job close to home/find ways to buy back more time into my life

Use your time well. Run errands at lunch-don’t break up your day driving everywhere on the weekends

Health and people are the value in your life, without quality of both your life quality isn’t as complete.