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Wednesday, 14 October 2009

Same old, same old for Toronto Maple Leafs jokes, but we can't resist as another NHL hockey season begins with a gasp and not a cheer.

Can we say "next year" yet? Can we ask the Sun not to waste front page space on the Leafs until they win a game?

But, on the positive side, the losing Leafs have provided fodder for comics. To add your Leafs' one-liners, e-mail TSF.

What do the Leafs and the Titanic have in common?A: They both look good until they hit the ice.

What's the difference between the Leafs and a cigarette vending machine?A: The vending machine has Players!

What do the Leafs and whales have in common? A: They both get totally confused when surrounded by ice.

Why are the Leafs like Canada Post?A: They both wear uniforms and don't deliver.

Why doesn't Hamilton have an NHL team?A: Because then Toronto would want one.

What do the Leafs, Argonauts and the Blue Jays all have in common besides being based in Toronto?A. None of them can play hockey.

What do you call 30 millionaires around a TV watching the Stanley Cup playoffs?A. The Toronto Maple Leafs.

What do the Leafs and Billy Graham have in common?A. They both can make 20,000 people stand up and yell 'Jesus Christ!"

How do you keep the Leafs out of your yard? A. Put up a goal net.

What do you call a Leaf player with a Stanley Cup ring? A. A thief.

What do the Leafs and possums have in common?A. Both play dead at home and get killed on the road.

How many Leafs does it take to win a Stanley Cup?A. Nobody knows . . . and we may never find out.

What do the Montreal Canadians have that the Leafs don't?A. Colour pictures of a Stanley Cup win.

This guy says to the bartender, "Can my dog and I watch the Toronto Maple Leafs hockey game here? My cable is out, and my dog and I always watch the game together."

The bartender agrees, and the guy and his dog start watching the game. Pretty soon, the Leafs manage to score a goal and the excited dog jumps up on the bar, barks loudly, does a back flip and runs over to the bartender and gives him a high-five.

The bartender says, "Wow, that's pretty cool! What does he do when they win a game ?"

The guys answers, "No Idea, I've only had him for 10 years."

And . . .

The last time the Leafs won the Stanley Cup most of their fans were in diapers.

Coincidentally, the next time they win it . . . those fans will be back in diapers.

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