Welcome to Neufer's Mad Thoughts

Thank you for calling, er, I mean, thank you for reading the mad thoughts of me. If you are wondering just what the mad means, be it, ANGRY mad or CRAZY mad, well, that will probably just depend on my mood and what I'm rambling on about. Most of what you will read will be unedited, straight from my head to my keyboard and to your eyes so should I offend, upset or anger you, by all means, yell at me through the screen, leave me angry comments and feel better for doing so. I promise never to respond as I have found it's just not worth my time to respond to angry people I have never met. :) Have a nice day!

Saturday, January 30, 2010

I missed a day! I was just so busy that I forgot about it for the moment and by the time I remembered, I was just to tired to think, sooooooooooooooo, sorry!

As for today, it was a good day. Chores got done really early so we were able to go out and have a little fun. Ellie spent most of the day at the mall with her friend, Terry took James home after he got his special toy that he had been saving up for and I stayed behind with Melissa at the mall and we had a really good time. We laughed, we giggled, we talked. It was really nice.

Right now I am home alone, it's my me time, I'm drinking Blue Hawaiian Margaritas and watching the original Superman movie with Christopher Reeve. I got all four of them for a really good price, so it's a good night to just sit back, relax and enjoy a show. :)

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Yeah Baby! I put up a new article on www.Examiner.com/Elmira and it appeared on the home page as most popular! Yeah me!!! :) And a BIG Yeah to my friends and family who have helped me get there!!! WOOTIE!! (I don't have to pay Raggmopp for that one! :))

It will never be anything I make a lot of money at on that site I'm sure but it's great to have someplace to practice my more formal writing style. Here I just type whatever spills out of my mouth, while there, I have to stop and really think about what I"m saying. :)

And right now there is a lot of noise coming from my left, Sammi is making some odd little noises while he sleeps or is that Monkey? Nope, it's Sammi, LOL! He's talking in his sleep, that is so cute!

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

I entered my Juniper in this contest. I lost him last year to Renal Kidney Failure. Every vote does cost $1 but all money is donated back to the shelters and rescue organizations that are holding a Spay Day 2010. So if you plan on making any donations this month, please consider this one and help my Bug help other pets get spayed and neutered so we can cut down on the unwanted pet population.

Here is his story (it's a long one, you might want to go the bathroom before you start or get a snack):

February 19, 2001

I went down to the city shelter a couple of weeks ago to drop off some cat litter that was given to me (not clumping so I don't use it) and was looking around at all the cutie dogs. There was an adorable Yorkshire Terrier there, so sweet and lovable.

The woman told me that he was visiting the area. His owner lives in PA and that some friends were watching him when he got away from them. She said the owner would be getting a big bill when he came back to get him. Turns out the dog has horrible teeth, needs major dental work and also has testicular cancer which the vet told her would be taken care of when he was neutered. The age on this dog is estimated to be anywhere from 4 to 8 years old. I didn't think too much else about it since he has an owner that would be coming for him.

I went back yesterday to drop off some newspapers for them and the little guy was still there! I asked what happened to the owner. I guess when he was told that he would have to pay for these medical treatments now and have them done or be checked up on 3 months to make sure the treatments were administered he told them to keep the dog! I couldn't beleive it!

I asked if there was anything I could do, donate money to his cause, etc. The lady told me that any money sent to the shelter is put into a general city fund and they never see it. The only thing I could do was either pay for the procedures and take the dog or help find him a home.

I can't afford to pay for the procedure (the neutering I could handle but not the dental) and I certainly can't take on another animal at this time, though is the the type of dog Terry keeps saying he wants.

So if there is anyone is this area that is willing to take on a sweetest little guy who needs a second chance at life, email me and I'll get more details for you if you want.

I'll try to get some pictures of him so you can see him.

Deannda
The lady there is cool, she is still looking for a home for him even though the odds are against her.

February 20, 2001
Okay, went to the shelter today to see the little Yorkie. His name is Juniper and I took pictures, the link is at the bottom.

The nice couple in CT is very excited about getting him, but I have to wait until tomorrow to talk to Helen at the shelter. It will be her decision if I can take him before the medical procedures are done. Speaking of which that will involve pulling all his teeth, they are all completely rotted out (and the people who had him were feeding him HARD food! grrr) and neutering him to stop the testical cancer from spreading.

I found out the previous owner did call and when was told that there was the usual fee for springing your dog out of the pound (only $10 here) there was also a $101 vet bill that had to be paid plus he would have to provide proof that the dog was going to get the medical attention that he needed. The owner's response? "Well, if someone else is willing to pay all that and then give him back to me." ARGH!!! I was so at a loss for words when I heard that.

So I went out, opened his cage and oooooh my GORD! He's was so lovable! He climbed on my chest and just shook. HE was so scared I would reject him. I got the pictures and then just cuddled with him for about 5-10 minutes and then FORCED myself to put him back and not run out the door with him. *sigh*

I came home, called Terry to let him know that he didn't have run errands for his Mom, I already did that. I never brought the dog up, but HE DID! He asked if I went over to the shelter, I told him yeah. I caught him up on what was happening and he made the comment, "Well, if they won't release him without getting the medical treatment first we do have that money we set aside for Vegas and since we aren't going now......" You know something? I didn't know I could love him anymore than I already did. And then, get this, he makes the comment that if the dog has to stay in our house for any time there's a good chance we will get to attached to him and won't want to let him go. I said, "No! I'm a foster mommy now. That is how I see myself and that is how I can deal with this. I won't let myself get that attached." You know what his comment was? "I wasn't talking about you."

My how things change. Who would have ever thought I would be the one who had to be the voice of reason when it came to the animals and the number of animals we have and the cost of the animals and the care of the animals? Certainly not me!

SO, anyhoo, I left a message for Helen to please find out what the costs would be and then I will check with the couple in CT to see if they are willing to pay for that before hand if the shelter won't release him without getting the medical treatment first. And try to figure out a way to keep Terry from actually meeting this dog until it's too late and he's already on his way to his new home. OY!

Today I sent you a very special little fellow, I’m sure you’ll remember him and know him on sight. Today I sent My Bug, Juniper to be with you and to wait for me at Rainbow Bridge.

As I'm sure you remember how fate brought us together 8 years ago. He was supposed to go to New Jersey but then...........

Then his future was decided when Terry went to meet him and called me all upset because they wouldn’t let him take Juniper that day because he still had to get shots. But come home he did to us on February 22, 2001. Skinny as can be, scared as can be but so ready to give and receive love.

Remember how the Pet Lovers came through for him, even though we could have handled the bills, people who I had never met stepped up and paid for all his medical bills and adoption fee. They all wished to remain anonymous but they all got a very lovely thank you note with a picture of Juniper.

I tried to keep my distance from him the first couple of weeks, remember, so he would bond to Terry. He was supposed to be Terry’s dog so I stayed away. But it didn’t work out to well, he drew me in like a moth to the flame only with much better results. It ended up with me saying to him all the time, “You are NOT my dog, but you can be my boyfriend.”

Juniper rarely left my side when I was home and if I was sitting down, he was right there. When I laid down he was right there, on my shoulder, under my arm, snuggling in for warmth and love.

He gained many nicknames over the past 8 years, here are a few for you to remember and call him by so he will feel even more love and welcomed. Bug was my favorite because he was tiny like a little bug, never did break that 4 pound barrier. A few others are Junibug, Jitterbug, Bug a Boo, Bubby and Hair ball (that was from his Aunt Trenna). He answers to all of them.

He blessed my life in so many ways, no matter where I took him, he was instantly adored and loved. More people offered him a home if for any reason I could not keep him. More people wanted to hold him, love him and take care of him. He was great with the kids at school and became the best hat (would curl around Terry’s head at night, looked like he was wearing a furry tan hat), scarf (loved laying across Melissa’s throat and keeping her warm when she was laying down) and Parrot Dog, could always be found perched on my shoulder when I was sitting or laying down. He brought together total strangers when we were in public, just because they wanted to pet him, hold him, love him. He was the best ambassador and representative for all the right reasons for adopting a shelter dog, especially an older on.

The only time he showed any aggression was shortly after James was born and he wasn’t sure about this new “dog” in the house but he quickly learned that the new “dog” was to be accepted and protected and he did that. He let James carry him around and play and love him as well before it was all done.

As he got older his eyesight started failing him, the once bright and beautiful eyes were becoming cloudy and gray but he still knew when ever I walked into the room and would always come flying to me from where ever he was. He didn’t run as quickly as he use to but he still came running until just a few days ago.

I had noticed he was slowing down, that his breath was not as pleasant as it should be, I knew something was going on but he never showed signs of slowing down until just last night and then today.

The part that really spooks me is the dream I had the other night where he was taken away from me and I couldn’t get him back, it was terrifying then and even more so now. And the fact that just the other day a lady at the school inquired about him and wondered if we had to find a new home for him as well since we moved and my comment was, “Juniper? OH GOD NO! Bug will die in my arms, I will never give him away.” Who knew my comments would come true in just a few short days.

Annie, we had 8 beautiful, wonderful and special years together on this planet. Eight years of love, laughter and sorrow. For 8 years he listened to me, let me cry into his fur, loved me when I felt no one else did, he was my best friend. He was by my side through all of it. Through the birth of my son at 40, through the failure of marriage, though the job changes, the life changes and never once complained or told me I was wrong.

Today I held him for the last time, I picked him up at 10:30 AM this morning and only let him go to get Melissa from school and so the kids could say their goodbyes. Today I told him, “Hey Bug, you know what, you win, you aren’t just my boyfriend but you are my dog and always have been from the first day I saw you. I love you Buggaboo.”

I held him when they wanted him weighed, he was down to 2 pounds 2 ounces. I held him when the doctor gave him a shot to help him sleep and stop his twitching and I held him in my arms when he took his last breath and his tiny heart beat it’s last beat. I held him for a few minutes and told him I loved him one more time and that I would always remember him.

So Annie, will you and Gussie please take extra good care of my little buddy? He will give you unconditional love and be more than happy to snuggle and keep a small area of your shoulder or head warm while he rests. He loves to run in the grass and absolutely adores belly rubs and when you rub his butt and tap it around. He loves treats and now that he is whole and healthy again, please give him that steak he’s been wanting for years, let him have anything he wants because he was the King of the Neuferland Zoo for 8 beautiful, wonderful and fantastic years. The King is dead and very much missed.

Last night for dinner we had very fluffy pancakes, bacon, sausage links and scrambled eggs. I didn't feel like taking a lot of time for dinner but then I forgot how interesting it can be to try to get everything to come out together at the same time, LOL!

Well, Sir James loved it so much, he wants a repeat tonight! This morning he asked very enthusiastically if we could have the same thing tonight, but without the eggs and bacon. I said, "But I liked the eggs and bacon part." He said, "Well, okay, if you really liked them but I only want the pancakes and the sausage. That was really good sausage and you did real good on those pancakes."

Awwwww, shucks, thanks hun! :)

One of the things I am trying very hard to do and have had to force myself on occasion is to make dinner for the kids and me and to sit down together and eat. Somedays it's just to easy to tell them to grab a sandwich or make something on their own but then we lose out on that chance to sit, talk, and just be together, which is very important in today's world. Put the phones away, turn off the television and just sit and talk and eat. It's nice. I make sure we do it at least 4-5 times a week.

And speaking of television, does anyone else was NCIS? OMG! Last night's show was awesome! I figured out the ending on the plane and who the bad guy was but then the whole dialogue between Tony and Ziva! WOOT! Did they or didn't they? I can bet the fan blogs are exploding today, LOL!

Well, time to head out, gotta pick up the middle child and her friend from the mall, then go get the oldest and run her around really quick before Elaine comes over, CRAP, Elaine is coming over! I hope those kids got the chores done, LOL!

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

I told the teacher this morning when I came to school that I played hookie yesterday, no sense lying to her when it's easy to find out where I was with a quick web search. And as usual there was a ton of talking this morning. It happens every morning. I finally, quietly mentioned it to the teacher and explained I can handle all the talking if it was about school related things but since most of it's personal, it honestly makes me uncomfortable. I know way to much about these people's personal lives, more than I want to know. She commented out loud that it's a matter of office chatter and keeping it professional. Way to be discrete there Teach! Oh well, I don't really care, I'm happy, back in a corner again, got headphones, will find some music and just block them out. One woman here came over to ask if I was okay because I have my hoodie on with the hood pulled up tight. She was very sweet, gave me a little card that says: Great strength comes from faith in God. She's very sweet :)

I just finished my first article for Examiner.com and don't know exactly when it will show up, it's the first one so it has to be approved and then published. Once I'm approved I can publish immediately. I get paid by page views, subscribers, etc. so pass the information along and be sure to subscribe to the email so I can get more money, LOL :)

I am going to go for now, maybe will write more later, must go find music to block out the personal chatter and opinions.

Monday, January 25, 2010

Today I played hookie with my girls. Melissa had to take a final this morning and I was supposed to go to school. but it was raining pretty bad, even had flood warnings out and Melissa was going to have to walk home after her final (Ellie didn't have any today) and I got about 1/2 mile from the house and thought about all the times I had to walk the 1/2 mile to the bus stop and home on those really cold, snowy, rainy, just plain miserable days and I had to walk back and forth to the house. Now we do live a mile from the school and she did have an umbrella but still......................So I called in sick and went back home, watched Monsters, Inc. with Ellie and then we went to get Melissa at 10:30 and then went to the mall to goof around.

It was a good day, a few tense moments but that's to be expected when you have 3 women together, LOL! Both girls got new dresses at really good sale prices, they can use them for the Snowball if they want to go and for graduation, I told Ellie that we are dressing up, I didn't care if anyone else was, we were.

So it was a really nice day and I will go to school the rest of the week, it was just nice to spend a day with my girls. :)

Okay, the other night I was bored, sitting home and saw that Starz Channel has a new original series called Spartacus. Now, while I normally don't get to interested in these types of shows but there really wasn't anything else on of interest to me so I decided to check it out.

It is done in a gritty, grunge type style for the final editing and as the show progressed I started to wonder just how low a budget they had for the show. The graphics and CGI was so poorly done, it looked like something I would do on my computer. The slow motion that kept going on and on and on every time there were any graphic blood or sex scenes was so poorly done it just made me cringe.

And the swearing, I never realized the Romans swore so much. My Grandma Taylor had a bit of a mouth on her, dating sailors and all and I think even these guys would have made her blush. It was really not necessary to have them dropping the F Bomb and calling each other names that most women reserve for their worst enemy.

There were many soft porn scenes in the show as well, very graphic and again, not very well done. I don't know who did the directing or even who the actors are, nor did I care to find out, I didn't bother sticking around for credits because I just really didn't care.

And in the final fight scene in the arena the cutting off of legs and arms was again, so poorly done and then when the hero drove home the final stab to the last gladiator, the literal tidal wave of blood that spewed out behind him just literally made me laugh out loud, it was so bad. And then when they cut back to the full shot of the arena, there was NO BLOOD in the sand, NONE! It was really bad. Really, really bad. On a scale of one to ten, I would give this original series a -4, if I had to rate with stars, up to 5 for excellent, again, -3 stars, it was just really really bad.

Really bad, did I mention it was really bad? Seriously, unless you are a total geek who likes watching soft porn and really bad graphics, this is not a decent show in any manner.

Sunday, January 24, 2010

of being the one who has to compromise, of being the one who as to accept, of being the one who has to deal with it all the time. Tired of being the one who has to take the negative and make it positive, tired of nagging, tired of talking. I'm just tired and don't want to play anymore.

Saturday, January 23, 2010

The other morning, either this week or last, I honestly don't remember, I was flipping around the channels looking for something to watch, which is another post all in itself, over 300 channels and not a flipping thing to watch? But anyway, I usually don't watch the morning talk shows unless someone I really, really like is going to be one and then, only for their segment. But while flipping through the channels, I happened to stop on the Morning Show with Hoda and Kathy Lee. Now first of all, I really CANNOT stand Kathy Lee, she just irritates the crap out of me, I can't explain why, she just does. When she was with Regis, she bothered me and then she disappeared for a bit and I thought, "Thank you JESUS!" But she came back, but again, not a big deal, like I said, rarely watch morning shows. But this one morning I happened to stop on that channel and Kathy Lee and Hoda were talking about this, that and whatever when Kathy Lee made a comment about how she hates it when people that are getting off an elevator won't let her get on! And I thought to myself, "Well duh lady, elevator etiquette says you should let the people getting off, GET OFF first, then you can get on the elevator, I thought everyone knew that. Well, evidently, not everyone does. I found this site: Elevator Rules that helps define elevator etiquette and from reading some of the posts, there are a lot of people who think they have the right to push, shove and walk all over anyone who gets in their way when it comes to boarding an elevator. How rude! So now I have another reason to dislike Kathy Lee, that and she really can't sing, I wish Simon would go have a talk with her, but it would more than likely fall upon tone deaf ears.

Watched the Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson on Friday, he did a whole hour dedicated to Mythbusters and had Tory, Kari and Grant as his guests. It was fun to watch, you could tell that Kari, Grant and Tory are not used to being interviewed, LOL! And Kari looks FREAKING FANTASTIC after having her baby, Craig was having a hard time concentrating on the interview, LOL! :)

Well, it's a quiet night, Melissa is spending the night at a friend's house, they really seem to have so much in common and Ellie and James are with their dad, so I am here in my jammies, drinking my wine, and just goofing off on my computer and maybe watching some television, if I can find anything on, seriously, over 300 channels to chose from and nothing new or interesting to me to watch.......how sad! :)

Literally! This is me in the first or second grade, I'm not really sure, I'm thinking first. And if I remember correctly, because this is one of those memories that stands out, my mother had given me and my sister perms the day before school pictures and then set our hair in rollers to sleep in over night, I hated sleeping in rollers, just no comfortable position could ever be found unless they were the foam rollers, which these were not.

I remember her getting us up early to fix our hair and I remember it looking very nice by the time we went to school and she had put a good can of hair spray on each of our heads so we would look so pretty for our pictures.

I remember by the time I got home my hair was straight and the perm was gone and she wasn't overly happy about it and I think she might have come to the realization that there was just no way you were ever going to get my hair to behave at that age, probably why we always got the pixie cuts when we were kids, easy to fix, nothing to muss up and no fighting about how to fix it.

And now my hair is back to that, does NOT want to behave stage, probably would help if I went and got it cut but I'm to lazy, cheap, and/or bored and just don't want to move right now.

Something I would like to touch upon today is...................................wow, right now I can't think of a thing. See, told you I was lazy. Think I shall take a shower, get dressed, go forth, find wine and come home and just relax today. It is my day to chill.

Oh, I did get a lovely invitation in the mail to a free dinner and presentation for a wonderful opportunity to buy this fantastic software that COULD make me so much money on the internet with it's wonderful marketing techniques. I kind of want to go, just to get out and have a free meal (the place it's being held has really good food, at least the last time I was there it did) and I can't find any hidden charges, just that they want you to buy the software, and I have two tickets and was thinking about who I could take with me. And it dawned on me today, this is the perfect opportunity to teach Melissa about scams and empty promises and that there are no get rick quick promises or easy ways to get what you want. So I think I shall make the reservations for me and her and it will give me a chance to teach her a very important lesson in life, give us some quality time and get a free meal!

So, that really is it for now unless something fantastic pops in my head and I just have the overwhelming urge to share!:)

I just noticed the time and realized I didn't write today!!! Bad Deannda but somehow I think I shall survive, LOL! Not a lot happened today, it was a good day, the girls had tests at school so Sammi was a happy camper with 4 Van rides today, he LOVES riding in the van! :)

Both the girls invited friends to the mall tonight and Melissa is having her first sleep over since moving here. And I told Ellie that by inviting a friend from her new school guarantees that I will not ever home school while we live in NY, LOL! She laughed and said that was fine. I'm glad they are both making new friends and having some fun. :)

I am going to keep this really short tonight cuz I'm a little tired and just want to chill for now so later all!: )

Thursday, January 21, 2010

I was offered a "job" and I say that it that way because it doesn't really pay anything, it would be more for exposure and practice my writing. It's on Examiner.com, it's legit, but I just don't know if I want to make that type of commitment for the low wage but in the same breath I know I need to practice and get my name out there more if I really want to go anywhere with writing.

I would be the Pet Services Expert for the Elmira area and there's always something going on and lots of shops and such so material isn't the issue. I will make a decision soon, (have to by Monday) and go from there.

Speaking of ideas, I had an idea for a book, something that would just about write itself, a book about happy endings for rescue dogs and then another one for cats. They could be local, regional, by state or just one big book. I thought it would be cool to get the stories behind the dogs and cats that have good homes now that were found in shelters. Think I will put some feelers out and see if anyone would like to share their stories. Go from there. :)

But for now, I sleep, I think. Who knows? Watching the Real Housewives of Orange County and talk about clueless parents with Lynn and her husband. Their kids are walking all over them, they don't set any boundaries and when they do try to set a boundary the girls just laugh and ignore them. Yet when one of the other housewives offered a shoulder to lean on, an ear to listen, Lynn gets all mamma bear on her, excuse me? The daughter just said it, they should have stepped up a lot sooner, it's a little late now. And it ends with the daughter walking out and the parents letting her. HELLO?? SET down the rules , MAKE her follow them, FOLLOW up with punishments and let her know it's because you love her and want her safe. Should be interesting to see how that ends up.

This is posted at this site: Awkward Family Photos.com with the story that goes with it. I saw this and showed it to Ellie and told her, "Anytime you think that I am embarrassing you, think of this picture and how it hung in their home for years!"

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Dang, almost midnight here and I haven't posted yet today! Falling down on the job again!

Tonight I want to talk about The Bad Girls Club on The Oxygen Network. Now, this is one of those shows where you are watching the girls in the house and think either, "Dang, that was me 25 years ago." or "Are you kidding me? Why on earth would anyone act like that?" Which one am I? To be honest? The first one, LOL! I was NEVER as bad as they are, I wasn't really into all the drama but I did like to party and have fun, that is for sure.

Anyway, Ellie also likes to watch the show and I debated back and forth if I should let her, I mean some of the stuff is pretty raunchy at times, but I decided to let her watch it as long as she would talk to me about what she saw and the behaviors she saw and her feelings about it.

It's worked out really well for the most part, one of the things that I have been working with both girls with is not so much what you say but how you say something. When you say something quietly, without anger it has a completely different meaning then when you are shouting it in someone's face. Tonight was a great example of that. After watching the episode (we DVR'd it) we had a very interesting and enlightening talk about how to react when someone says something to you that really upsets you.

Ellie could completely understand why Flo got as upset as she did, while I was more on Amber's side and agreed with how she handled it. We discussed how it could have been handled in a more civilized manner (Amber pushed Flo into the pool and she landed wrong and broke her ankle, so Flo attacked Amber and threw her across the patio, literally threw her.) Now, we also both know that it could have only happened that way since it is the Bad Girls Club and the more drama, the better, but it really gave me a platform to work from to help show Ellie the merits of keeping your cool, compared to losing it and yelling in someone's face, no matter how upset they make you. And how you need to pick and chose your battles and decide if what the other person is doing is really upsetting enough to make you implode and jump all over them, either physically or vocally.

So thank you to the Bad Girls for showing my Ellie the WRONG way to handle a situation and giving me the chance to talk about what you could/should/would have done should you find yourself in the same situation.

And today was another, just keep your mouth shut and get through the day, day at school today. I swear I know more about a few of these women than I ever wanted to know and I'm struggling, literally, with how to proceed because the thought of dealing with them for another 2 months just makes me want to tear my hair out. There are a few nice women in the class but as they say, all it takes is one bad apple to ruin it for the whole bunch and that bad apple today actually got another quiet one talking, AUGH!!! So now we have 4 talkers in the class! Guess it's time to talk to my case worker again so she can make a comment to the supervisor who can remind the teacher to remind the class that there are other people in the class who are there to work, study and should they want or require more information from the other students, they can contact each other outside the classroom.

Now, I'm not a mean person or a party pooper, but I'm really tired of these women constantly talking about food, their sex lives, their boyfriends (or how rich they are), their medical history, or any other personal information that should only be shared with your priest or doctor. Talk about school, the work, if you have a question, but if it's of a personal nature, talk after class, please?????

Well, that's it for tonight my pretties, have a great night. Tomorrow I write about how unfair it is that both my girls are getting a week off next week, totally wrong! :)

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

My Microsoft Office Specialist Excel Exam! What did you think I was going to say? Yeah, that's what I thought. :)

I am currently in class but will finish this at home later. I just want to say, I cannot finish this class soon enough, but evidently in order to receive that little peice of paper that will help me get a better paying job, I have to put in so many hours! JOY! I am done with everything that was a part of the course I signed up for and they don't have early graduation and you can't access a lot of good stuff on this computer, LOL, so I sit here bored most of the time. They did give me some bank teller stuff to look over and more math to do but I don't get a certificate for that, even if I do complete it. I don't know, we shall see.

Okay, it's later and I'm home. Dinner was nice tonight, simple, easy, and quick. :) Soup and salad. Works for me! :)

Now, back to school. I realized today just how irritating I must have been to a lot of people, going on and on about my personal life in public to anyone who would listen. I'm not a mean person, mind you, really I'm not but I have come to realize that I don't need to share my entire history with anyone who will listen or people who I think might care. I look back and realize I was just like the person in my class today. She was out last week, in the hospital, having a pacemaker installed. Now, this is serious business, I know because it was all everyone would talk about last week until I did a search on it and explained the procedure to them. That is how this class works, they talk, gossip, chat and discuss to the point of no return until someone gets the facts for them with a quick search and then it doesn't give them anything to speculate about anymore. Anyway, this is the woman who does 90% of the talking in class mostly about herself and today as I listened to her entire medical history (3 times no less) I realized that is just how I used to be! OMG! No wonder no one wanted to deal with me outside of work. I must have been so annoying!

See, the difference here is you are not really a captive audience, you can at anytime click that little x in the upper corner, or that little home button or type in another web address and shut me up at anytime. You choose to be here for whatever reason (Mom I can understand, the rest, thanks for being here). And then some of the other things they talk about just makes me want to scream sometimes. Today she was talking about her dog who might possibly be pregnant because she bred it to a friend's dog because they just know they would make really cute babies that they could sell! Now, keep in mind that this is a woman who today admitted that her unemployment is the only income that is keeping her family afloat. And then I overheard her make the comment, "Well, I did tell him that he had better have these puppies sold because I can't afford to keep even one." It took every fiber of my will power and being not to shout out, "THEN WHY DID YOU BREED HER TO BEGIN WITH?" Seriously, what is she going to do if there are complications during the delivery or one of the puppies or more are sick and need care. I truly hate backyard breeders just as much as puppy mill owners. The sad part is we have a pet store that will buy the puppies if they can't sell them, they just feed into the cycle. And I've been checking into the regulations for pet stores and the one in the mall just may be in violation, I have to go check something out later this week.

So in conclusion, to those of you who think that breeding your cute little dogs is a great way to make extra money, do me a favor and go check out the nearest 3 shelters to you and just look at what is there. Read the paper about all the dogs that can't find homes, cute little dogs because that another person thought it would be a good idea to breed their dog for the money for the puppies. Spay or neuter your pets people, leave the breeding to the professionals who have the facilities, the connections to sell them and the money to take care of them should there be any problems. If you can't afford to have your pet fixed then check out the SNAP program here in Chemung County, you can access information here: Chemung County SNAP Program
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And to all my past co-workers, friends and any strangers I happened to meet and felt the need to share more information than you should have ever had to listen to, that I just droned on and on and on about me, me, me, my most sincere and abject apologies. I think now what bothers me the most about this woman in my class is that I see myself and I still am working on it in person, but I think I'm getting better. But again, I'm so sorry for my motor mouth and continuous spewing of my personal life to you. No wonder no one ever wanted to play with me outside of work, I know I have no desire to deal with most of these people outside of school.

Monday, January 18, 2010

While on Facebook today one of my high school classmates made the comment, "You know you're getting old when your youngest kid is 18!" which of course got me to thinking, "WTF am I doing with an 18, 14 and 7 year old and only a few years away from 50?" Definitely one of those, "What were you thinking?" moments.

But then I did remember, I wasn't thinking, hence the children. :) Seriously though, I think about my childrens future and will I really be able to be a part of it? Will I live to see grandchildren should they choose to have them? Will I see my youngest even graduate, that is an easy 10 to 11 years down the road from now. With my weight problems and such, will I be there for them when they need me?

Now I could make all kinds of life altering decisions and come to these great epiphanies and such and make all kinds of empty promises that I will get my act together and start losing weight and watching what I eat and such, but I also know that until I'm truly ready to do any of those things, in my heart and mind, nothing is going to really change at this time.

So that leaves me to wonder, just what am I going to do with my young kids and this old body. I am going to enjoy them, I am going to listen to them, I am going to talk to them and I am going to learn to appreciate them more. One thing I have learned in all my wise and wonderful years (all 47 and counting) is that you have to live in the now. The past is there, you shouldn't forget it but you can forgive those from your past who have hurt you and learn from it, but never forget the lessons it has taught you. Take those lessons and either use them in the now or help others from what you have learned.
And when someone has really hurt you in the past, be it emotionally, physically or otherwise and you still hang on to that hurt and pain, ask yourself, why. Why do you let it rule your now and possibly your future? Why do you let it decide for you who you are or who you can be? Sure it hurts and sometimes the pain is unbearable, I know, I have been there. But I learned that if I let it rule my life, if I let it rule my emotions, if I let it overpower me then I am nothing more than a shell of a person who has nothing to offer to those around me and it's a total waste of my time, energy and well being both mentally and physically. So I chose to let the past go, to forgive, but never forget the lessons learned and to move on and live in the now.

And for those in my past who worry that I will tell the whole world about my past, you can put close the book on that worry, I have no desire to "share" my pain from the past with the whole world. No need, no want, no reason to do that. So relax and enjoy your now and look to your future with a clear mind and heart and know you have been forgiven for any past transgressions and I would hope that anyone I have wronged in the past would do the same for me.

Which brings me back to my kids (don't ask how it does, just enjoy the ride), as I have said before, there are days I could seriously just sell them to the highest bidder but those days are few and far between and most days I wouldn't trade them in for all the rice in China, which by the way I do like now, can you believe that Mom? Remember how it used to make me gag? Not anymore! But again I digress and get off the point, while I may be an older mom who still has to raise my own children while a lot of classmates from the class of '80 are enjoying their empty nests or grandchildren, I'm glad I waited and that I still have my kids to keep me young.

And I will start once again to make that effort to find more positive in my children and praise them for it. It's hard a lot of times to find the positive but baby steps is what it's going to take, just like getting my schedule organized and promising myself to write on this blog at least once a day. Baby steps to change my life, to find myself and to learn to appreciate what I have and what I could have. I may have started a little later in life with my kids but that's alright, I can deal with that. :)

One thing I need to work for me on is meeting people in real life. I have lots of internet friends but very few in real life. I think I'm to worried about getting hurt or disappointed in people because they don't live up to my expectations and I have to learn to just accept people for who they are and find people who have the same interests as me as soon as I figure out just what those interests are, LOL :)

Sunday, January 17, 2010

I'm channeling Henny Youngman here, it was him who used to use the line, "Take my wife, please?" wasn't it? The girls are being typical teenage sisters tonight in one can't breath without ticking the other one off. Oh well, such is life.

As I was driving my James to the mall today after dropping Ellie off at work because he wanted to go buy a ship today, I had so many things running through my mind yet no time nor place to write them down. Just how do writers keep track of any good ideas they get when they get them while they are driving and such? It seems I always get some really good ideas while I'm doing something else and really don't have time to stop and write them down. And of course they all disappear later, it's rather madding at times.

LOL, I just saw the Geico commercial with Charlie Daniels, I love that one. Okay, randomness, it happens. It seems to happen alot around here, part of life, maybe I do have ADD and that is part of the problem with sticking with a project and following through. If I really want to get anywhere in this life I'm really going to have to concentrate and get my shift together. I have been better with my schedule as long as I have my phone with the PDA options, now to get the rest better organized. :)

I am very proud of my James this week, he worked hard and did all the chores we asked him to do and earned more money than his sisters! :) He was able to get his ship, buy himself lunch and a few other toys. He was very pleased with himself. :) Melissa ended up spending part of her money replacing the shower head in the bathroom since she "accidently" broke the other one during her shower. And Ellie had already spent part of her money at the mall yesterday so she didn't have much left.

On the bad news front we got notice yesterday that food stamps is being discontinued and also we are losing our insurance but should be able to pick up other state insurance for all of us. Just a bunch of more hoops to jump through, I wouldn't mind jumping through the hoops if I was at least going to lose weight while I was doing it, but alas, it is not meant to be. ;)

Speaking of losing weight, I have no idea where I stand right now. I was going to weigh myself at the mall at one of those machines but I put my money in and it wasn't working plus it was a wobbly as all get out so even if it did work I'm not sure I would have trusted it. But according to the girl when I told her about it stealing my money she said, "It's calibrated, it works no matter what surface it's on." with a really snotty little tone. I said, "Yeah, well that's a first then, thanks anyway." and we walked away.

Then we stopped to get a pretzel and James wanted to go to the pet store but I really hate going to the store in the mall. It just makes me want to call the SPCA and turn her in again. I am going to check into the regulations concerning what is required by law for pet store dogs because I can almost guarantee she doesn't follow them.

Any hoo, I'm gonna close this for today, it's getting late, I'm getting tired and I need to kick Melissa off the couch so I can go to bed. Get ready for the yelling......................nah, she'll be cool, I hope, LOL :)

a nice quiet evening. Terry is taking the kids to his sister's house so I will have the house to myself, for the most part, still have the dogs, cats and bird to deal with. Nobody listens to me!!!!

They are still here right now and I, at this very moment in time cannot wait for them to leave. Just constant bickering and miscommunication because no one can listen to anyone else or they are taking what the other person is saying the wrong way. AUGH!!!!

Anyway, last night I took Ellie and her friend to go to Rock and Bowl at Paramount Lanes out on Miracle Mile, they have it every Friday night from 10 PM to midnight. They had a lot of fun, but rather than drive all the way back across town and then back again to pick them up I decided to just hang around that side of town. I had Sammi with me and normally when he gets to go for a ride he gets a special treat. Well, not to many places are open after 10 PM on a Friday night, but Dunkin Donuts was, so I thought I would go through the drive through and get him a plain doughnut. Yeah, right. let's just say by the time I had left I felt a strong desire to contact the home office about my experience and Sammi still didn't get his snack. So I go the McDonalds across the street, thinking I would get him a $1 burger or something. Guess what? They don't serve the $1 menu after 10 PM, just the late night, where the cheapest thing to eat is like $3, no thank you. So I just went into the little store and bought him a small pack of doughnuts.

So it's later now, honest, would I lie to you? Oh yeah, but I tell you right away when I do! :) Not a whole lot else to talk about today, just gonna go crash, no kids, just animals :)

Friday, January 15, 2010

Okay, the whole picture thing has gotten way out of hand so I did the only reasonable thing I could. I removed all tags to the offended party, removed the sibling link between our profiles and then reset my privacy settings so they can no longer see them, any of them. And if they get all bent out shape, they can relax. Believe it not, I don't have any other pictures of your past and if I did, at this point I would more than likely burn them rather than deal with your, I'm not even sure what to call it quite honestly, okay, I do have a few choice words but we are going to be nice and just let it go at that. I have already wasted way to much time and energy on your madness, it's time for what is really important. MY MADNESS!!!! BHAWAHAWAHA!!!!

Now for some good news on the home front, both my girls, Melissa and Ellie made the Honor Roll at school, so despite Ellie's hereditary inability to spell, which she got from my father's side of the family since both her father and I can spell, she is still a pretty smart cookie, ya know? I know I am very proud of both of my girls and Love both of them VERY MUCH!!!! :) They are awesome!!!

It's a quiet morning overall here at the Zoo, not much happening, no pressing matter of importance, just got to go get the oldest for an appointment in about an hour and a half, then looking forward to a nice quiet weekend. Dinner last night was really nice. I took the girls to get their hair cut and had bought some Ham for dinner. Terry stayed behind with James and cooked dinner so it was ready when we got back. Ham, mashed potatoes, fresh baked biscuits and green salad with cucumbers, onions and dressing. I had also bought a Red Velvet Cake for dessert with White Chocolate shavings. Not as good as your cake Mom, but still edible, LOL :)

It's funny how much better Terry and I get along now that we aren't living together. We are going to get the divorce done this year, split the cost so we can truly move on with our lives. I think he might want to start dating this woman he knows, and I'm fine with that, she's a nice lady, closer to his age and if it makes him happy that's even better. It's nice to be able to have a good relationship with him again, and the kids realize that it's better this way for everyone, even James understands to a point. It's not good to be unhappy and fighting all the time and we communicate even better now, especially since we have taught him how to text, LOL :)

Well, I'm going to go for a bit, you all have a great day and Remember this very important rule about smiling:

Thursday, January 14, 2010

I was a little edgy this morning but then again when you start your day with a stupid email and no coffee, not that I ever drink coffee, okay, that's a lie, I do occasionally drink coffee, but never just coffee. Not even Mark Harmon can get me to drink just coffee, no matter how sexy he makes it, but I will drink flavored cappacino with hot chocolate when I really need a shot in the arm. But back to where I was, where was I? Oh, yeah, being crabby this morning. Such is life. I'm over it now and if the person in question wants to push it and make a big issue out of it they I will just take them off my friend list, block them completely and let them stew about it. :)

Just watched the General sing "Pants on the Ground" from the American Idol auditions. OMFG, I LOVE HIM!!!!!! That is another of my biggest pet peeves, when I see guys with their pants half way down their butt. In what universe is that even remotely attractive? EEEEWWWWW!!! I do not want to see your skanky underwear anymore than you want to see mine and if you do want to see mine then you need to get your head examined cuz it wasn't made for public viewing.

Well, just a short post cuz I gotta go get the oldest for an appointment and then Candice, our wonderful CIS Case worker is coming over to help with some applications and then off to get haircuts! WOOT! :::setting a nickel aside for Raggmopp:::::

Because if you're not kidding then I have no choice but to view you as a flaming idiot. Seriously, I don't understand what the big deal is of me posting a picture of me and two of my siblings from when we were kids. I didn't put any other personal information out with the picture, I merely identified the other two people in the picture with me, nothing else, no dates, no locations, nothing else.

Yet one of the siblings, we won't mention names but let's just say the girls seem to be okay with the picture, is asking that I remove it because of information on the internet. WHAT? What information did I divulge about you beside the fact that you were once young and sorta cute? OMG, that is just too much information about you! Did I tell everyone anything else about you when you were little or growing up? Not yet, but keep being a flaming idiot and I will be sorely tempted.

Seriously, this same person has a picture of themselves decked out in full fan mode for a local team givng the camera the finger, as an adult, something that could be far more damaging to their life now but doesn't want a picture of when they were little posted? I'm stunned, shocked and no wait, not really. It fits in perfectly with this person. They have been shadowing me on line for some time (yeah, it's easy to track you as well when you use the same user name for EVERYTHING!) to make sure I don't divulge any family secrets or such. Well, guess what, keep being an idiot and again, boy will I be tempted............... In other words GROW UP already! It's a picture, not even an embarassing one so deal with it and get over yourself. If you are that worried about someone finding enough information about you to steal your identity or something like that, they don't need a picture of you as a kid to do that.

The picture stays, as is, and I have more that I plan on posting, so get over yourself and deal with it. Seriously, either that or remove me from your life and move on already.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Well, tonight I got to hear the band in concert and let me just say how amazing they are. This is a group of kids who have worked very hard over the past 8 months to raise $75,000 so they could go to the Gator Bowl over New Years and play during the half time show as well as march in the parade the day before. So they devoted a great deal of their time to learning the songs for the Gator Bowl and fundraising. By the time they got back on the 3rd of January they had the choice of not doing their Winter Concert since it was only 10 days away.

Miss Henry left the choice to them. Not only did they want to do the concert but they learned their peices in that short time and may I just say how impressed I am with the passion and musicality that I heard in that auditorium tonight?

The Concert Band was first, which Melissa, my senior played in and their peice sounded great! Then the Jazz band, they did three peices and got a little lost on one peice but found their way back and again, was just amazing. Then the Wind Ensemble, the top band players (the only reason Melissa isn't in that one is because she dropped out of band for 2 years and you have to earn a spot there) and they were really fantastic. They did a peice called Invictus (I think that's right, I don't have the program) and it just sent chills down my spine, they sound just amazing!

Then the entire group took the stage to play the songs they played during the Parade and the Half time show. Watching those kids up there and watching Melissa was an experience I won't soon forget. I had tears in my eyes almost during the entire performance. They sounded so professional and clear and I can't find enough adjectives to describe just how great they sounded. And they played a slide show for the last part and seeing those pictures and the looks on the kids faces, watching the memories flood back while they played made me realize without a doubt that every single dramatic moment of fund raising and stress from getting it all set up was worth every second and the smiles on their faces when they got done, worth more than all the money in the world, just priceless.

I would like to extend my most sincerely thanks to Miss Henry for welcoming Melissa with open arms into her band and inviting her along, even though we came in long after the cut off date for signing up. Thank you Miss Henry for putting so much into making sure this all went off so well, and thank you for encouraging Melissa and giving her the confidence that she was lacking in her own abilities. You have helped instill a sense of self confidence that doesn't come easily to a teenage girl these days.

And to Melissa, there has only been one other time I came even close to being this proud of you and that was when you did your solo in third grade. Sure there have been many times inbetween that I was proud but to be honest, the level of pride I felt tonight will probably not be felt again until you either graduate college, get married or have a kid, you can wait on the last two for as long as you want. :)

Now in my previous post I said I wanted to brag on my daughters and I do, Ellie stayed home with James tonight and had a bit of a rough night. James decided to throw a tantrum, something he hasn't done in a while, but Ellie handled it with grace and calm and when I came home, she helped me even more by cuddling with James until he fell asleep (he asked for her, he felt bad that he upset her too). Ellie has always been my calm on the outside one, though I have a feeling on the inside there is an emotional jungle that she's struggling through at times. I just hope she knows how much I loge her (inside joke) and how proud I am of her as well.

Both my girls are amazing and when I look back and see some of the major screw ups I pulled in their lives and yet, they are still pretty normal for the most part, I feel extremely blessed and lucky to have two wonderful girls.

Now, check back with me tomorrow when one or both of them have gotten back to normal and I'm ready to sell or trade them off, all offers will be considered! :)

Is quickly becoming a lost art. I swear there are days I wonder if any businesses even bother trying to teach their employees what good customer service is and if they do, do they follow up and make sure the employees are delivering good customer service? More on this later as I am in school and I should be working on something school related. But just wanted to jot a note.

Okay, it is now after school and after the concert which I will devote a separate post to. But back to the customer service issues.

I know it's an employer's market right now and having kept up on regular news I also heard that employee satisfaction is at an all time low. Now most employers would so, "Yeah, so? I have 20 people that would kill for your job so just deal with it."

Well the problem with that idea is that you have an unhappy employee dealing with your bread and butter, the customer. Now there is a saying that goes something like this, "When momma ain't happy, nobody's happy." Well that can be said of employees as well. When your employees aren't happy that will reflect back to your customers and then you start to lose business over poor customer service.

And for me personally, all it really takes is one really bad experience in a store to turn me away, sometimes permanently. And I will more than likely tell the management just why I'm not coming back anymore. Now should the management have half a brain and correct the situation then I will consider continuing to give them my business. But let me give you and everyone else out there a little hint:

When you are faced with an irritated customer who is telling you that they were so badly mistreated or your company screwed up so badly that they are considering taking their business elsewhere, the first words out of your mouth should be, "I'm so sorry you aren't happy, please, give me a chance to see if we can correct this for you." That one sentence will calm down more people and give you a chance to fix the situation more than any other sentence in the world. Doesn't matter if the customer is right or not, because believe it not, the customer is NOT always right, but they can still be upset, ticked off and ready to kill for whatever reason. And while you may sit there and think to yourself, "Good Gawd, what is this person's problem? It's not like it's a life altering mistake or problem?" It isn't, you would be right, but what you, as the employee on the other end of that rant must remember is that you have no idea what lead up to that moment in time for that person. They may be having one of the worst days of their lives and had absolutely no control over any of it, the car got a flat, the boss was in a foul mood, the coffee spilled all over their new outfit, the traffic was horrific on the way home, the dog peed on the new carpet (okay, that one they can control if they crate the dog or put a diaper on it while they are gone, like I do with Lolli) but the point is they got home or they stopped in your store, already in a bad mood and guess what? You didn't do the job they expected you to do! So guess who is going to get an ear full? Yep, you got it right. You. And you will take it unless of course they become abusive and start making personal attacks, then you have a right to ask them to keep the problem to the matter at hand or you will have them removed.

Anyway, back to the matter at hand, don't tell me you can't apologize because YOU didn't do anything wrong. Of course you didn't and you aren't apologizing for yourself, you are apologizing for the company you work for! You may even agree with the customer but by apologizing you are acknowledging that you heard them, understand they are upset and will do your best to help them get a resolution to their problem.

But let me give you another hint. When the first words out of your mouth to me do not include an apology, you better be ready for round two of my wrath. Apologize and I will calm down immediately, don't apologize and I will continue to get even more angry. Will it be right for me to stay angry? Probably not but you had an opportunity to stop me and chose to make excuses instead of really listening and trying to figure out how to fix the problem I am having.

One of the places I currently have a problem with is Tops Market on South Main Street, their grocery manager is about as worthless as they come. There have been a couple of times I have had problems with either staff or something happened or I noticed something wrong and when I would go to the Grocery Manger he would basically blow me off every single time with excuses. Twice I called back and talked to the General Manager who did finally apologize, after being prompted, but because of the poor management in that location I only go there for my prescriptions (the pharmacy guy Matt is awesome!) and if I really need something in a hurry since it is the closest large store and don't want to pay higher prices at the convenience store. Otherwise I will drive the extra mile to get the kind of service I get at Wegman on Clemens Center Parkway. The people are always helpful, listen to you, apologize if there are problems with one exception this morning, which prompted the initial blurb. I had stopped at the customer service desk after checking out and was going to buy a lottery ticket, why not, you never know and I rarely play. The girl behind the desk was on the other side by the bottle return and there were a few other management people there.

She came back around and stopped to talk to the management person. Did not even acknowledge my presence at the counter. I was patient, they were continuing a previous conversation so I could understand. But after 30 seconds and she still never even looked at me and there were lags in the conversation when she could have quickly said, "I'll be right with you Ma'am." she did not so I turned to leave. Only then did she say, "Ma'am, I can help you!" My reply was, "No, that's alright, you look like you're busy and don't have time for customers." and I proceeded to walk out. Now, I won't quit going there because of that but I can almost guarantee you she got in trouble after I left. Nothing serious I'm sure but if someone didn't say something to her I would be very disappointed.

And one last thing before I wrap this up and start a new post about my amazing daughters, when I send one of my children up to the counter to talk to you about a problem, don't ignore them or treat them like they don't count, because they do count, especially at the fast food places, because believe me when I say, if it wasn't for them I would not be there wasting my money, so if my child comes to you with a complaint, you best treat them with the same respect that you would if I was standing there letting you know I'm not happy because if I have to get up and help my child get your attention, it won't be you I'll be talking to, it will be your boss and I don't' have the nickname Terminator Queen cuz I like the movies....

now, did I? Time got away from me? Nah, not really, after doing a few goofy things online I was just plain tired and decided to actually go to sleep early. Fat lot of good it did me I woke up at 2 AM from an itching on my neck and then again at 4 AM. See I sleep on the couch as we just have a small 2 bedroom apartment and one of the bedrooms will really only accommodate one person, so Melissa and James have the large, master bedroom and Ellie has the smaller bedroom (my concession to her since she's the normal one and rarely gets the attention she so deserves, just ask her!). So I sleep on the couch. Anyway, back to the itching, this past summer we had a bed bug infestation that was mostly on the couches and in Ellie's room. I proceeded to follow all directions of how to get said infestation under control short of blowing up the house, which I can't since it's not mine. But I bought a steamer, vacuumed the crap out of every little nook and cranny, steamed the crap out of every nook and cranny, washed everything that could be washed, sprayed with various bug killers, though supposedly they are very resistant to insecticides and then proceeded to wrap both couches and all the beds in plastic covers (had to remove the legs from the couches, but hey, it's cheaper than buying new couches, which is what these were just a year ago). I did this once a week for a couple of months and it appeared I had the situation in hand. No new bites for several weeks.

Well, we got a new couch from a friend, not new, used but in very good condition and put the worst of the other two out on the porch. And this new couch really can't be covered in a plastic cover like the others. And now every couple of weeks or so, I get a new bite, find the damn bug every time, little stinker, full of my blood and while checking over the new couch very carefully, cannot find another infestation like on the previous couches but have found the occasionally straggler. So the new couch get thoroughly vacuumed once a week and sprayed as well and that usually takes care of it. It just bothers the crap out of me trying to figure out where they are coming from though! On the couch that is still in the house from last summer, I do find the occasional tear in the plastic cover from CAT tearing over it like a crazed lunatic so that is where I think they still may be coming from. Did you know a mature bedbug can live up to a year without feeding? They have four stages of life and must feed at least once per stage and all the ones that I have found were mature ones so I'm thinking, they are attracted to heat, like the dark and only come out at night, tiny little vampire bugs that they are and occasionally one finds that tear that CAT made and finds it's way to me since I'm the only one in the living room at night. *sigh* I'm just irresistible, what can I say?

Yesterday was an interesting day as I had tons of thoughts go crashing through my head but then of course forgot to write them down and now I can't remember a single one of them. I really need to get in the habit of writing things down or some kind of reminder so I can talk about it later because I know you all just can't wait to hear my opinion on everything under the sun, right? Okay, so you can wait, meanies! :P

The house is very quiet right now but that is about to change as it's time to wake James up for his morning routine, we are very careful to stick to the routine for the most part, otherwise he tends to have a difficult day at school. He won't eat breakfast at home anymore because he found out he can get it at school and eat there! Fine by me, they get free lunch and breakfast and saves me money and time here in the morning. And the food at his school is pretty decent, unlike the food at Southside High School. Even the principal joked about it during Freshman Orientation. I thought he must be joking, I mean they have to feed edible food to the kids, right? I was wrong, turns out they don't think they have to and their attitude is, "Don't like it? The don't eat it or pack!" Well, that would be just find and dandy except I can't afford for my kids to pack lunch every day, if I could do you think we would qualify for free lunch? I want to do some protesting, quietly mind you, to try to get them to at least attempt to serve better food but Ellie isn't sure about turning me loose since she still has 4 years to go and would just like to get buy for now. Though as each day goes by and the food become more inedible............................

Well, it is time to start our day. I may post little tidbits here and there through out the day as things come to me. One thing I do remember thinking about yesterday is how much I've changed when it comes to meeting new people and finding myself in new situations. I used to pretty much attach myself to new people and make emotional bonds in my head all the time. To total strangers for the most part because I had this need to belong and be accepted. Nothing creepy or weird, just like I wanted to be everyone's friend and get along with everyone. And for the most part it was okay but now I find myself distancing myself from people for the most part, I think I just got tired of being disappointed in some but mostly in myself. I don't view myself as a very good friend for the most part since I am focused mostly on me and my kids right now. I do try to be a good friend, I offer the shoulder when needed, the hug when wanted but when you get nothing in return when needed or wanted you find yourself becoming just a bit more cynical about people and what they want or need?

See to me a friend is someone who trusts you enough to tell you what is happening in their lives, not just the happy news but the sad or bothersome news as well. And I should be able to share same with them. And when they are in need I want to be there for them, but if I have no clue that they are in need, then well, it makes it rather difficult to be there for them. And when I am in need I would expect same from them, the occasional call, visit, something to show that they are aware and care about what is happening in my life. I think what triggered a lot of this was when James was in the hospital this past summer with his appendix being removed and the 10 days we had to stay because of the infection. Now, you see, when James and I walked into that hospital together I told him then that I would not leave him and as long as he was stuck there, so was I. I refused to leave the hospital, even though there were many occasions I could have "snuck" out for a bit, but I would know I did it, so I stayed with him. I had internet access so I was able to post information and send emails and the likes. Now there are two women in particular that I thought would be there for me, if not for James, as they both seem to care for him a great deal, at least one of them does. Nothing from either one of them. One email from one of them, but no phone calls, no visits, nothing. By day 8 I was pretty ticked about the situation and I know the stress of being in the hospital for that period of time didn't help but it still bothered me a great deal that I never heard from either of them except for the one email. Then I made the mistake of saying something to the rest of the family and they got kind of pissy with me as well. Long story short, I decided then that I really couldn't depend on others to be there for me, with the exception of my Mom, who has always been there, even if it was to kick me in the butt and get me moving. My other sister did check back with me and we talk but as for the rest of my family, they aren't really there.

I reach out and reach out and reach out and people just ignore so I'm done reaching out. I really noticed this change when I started the class out at Boces, normally I would be friendly, open and talkative but this time I looked at the classroom as a place to learn and not a place to socialize and make new friends, because quite honestly most of the people would be leaving before I was done and can you really make life long friends in such a short period of time? I mean there are people I have worked with for over a year and when I find myself outside of work with them I find it difficult to find subject to talk about. I don't know, all I do know is there were a few of the ladies there in class that were driving me crazy the first couple of weeks with all the chatter and gossiping. They would trash talk one woman in particular when ever she and the instructor would leave the room. Now, I worked with this woman at NDS and I knew she had her way of doing things, but I did get to know her and knew she was as good hard worker and hasn't had to look for a new job in quite some time. She was one of the people I had thought about when I heard NDS was closing, hoping she would be alright. Well, during one lunch period, the one girl was gossiping about her again, making comments about how slow she was and how she didn't know all these new things about job hunting until I had had enough and basically told the whole class that I would appreciate it very much if they had something to say to someone, to say it to their face and to quit talking about people behind their backs. Well, that set them off but guess what, they quit talking about her, at least in front of me. I'm sure they talked about me as soon as I left the room but quite frankly I just don't care what other people think about me anymore, I know who I am, I know what I am capable of doing and if people don't want to get to know me better, fine, one less person I have to think about as well. Does that sound selfish? Probably but again, I have to start thinking about taking care of me, mentally, emotionally and eventually physically (we are going to get a Wii Fit for the entire family, will explain more later on that one) so I can be there for my kids when they need me.

Okay, so much for a short note in the morning to make up for yesterday, LOL! As I said, you may see little blurbs here and there because I supposedly can email posts in so I think I will try to send stuff from my phone as ideas hit me and then expand on them more when I get home.

Everyone, hope you have a great day, no not really, I hope I have a great day, LOL! :)

Monday, January 11, 2010

And by we, I mean me, myself and I for I am sure that I will be the only one reading this for the most part. I have decided that I need a place to come and vent or ramble or just be and this seemed as good a place as any. Should you be reading this and already know me, welcome to my little corner of the internet. Should you be reading this and have no clue who I am or how you ended up here, welcome anyway, grab a chair and beverage of your choice and sit for spell, relax and just remember to pick up your garbage when you leave cuz you see one of my biggest pet peeves is people who just walk away after making a mess. Just irritates the crap out of me and I just never could understand how people could walk in someplace, make a complete and utter mess of things and then just walk away. It's so freakin' rude!

But I digress and get off track, which I have been known to do on many an occasion. Do I have ADD or something of that nature? Who knows and quite honestly, who really cares? I have been functioning for the most part without any real diagnosis of any problems and will continue to do so to the best of my ability as limited as that ability may be at times, LOL :)

So who am I? I'm a 47 year old woman who is trying to still figure out what, where and who she wants to spend her life with. I was married for 18 years before separating from my soon to be ex-husband, who I get along great with now that we aren't living together but quite honestly I got tired of having 4 kids, heck, I never expected to have 3 kids in my life but here I am and I wouldn't trade them in for anything. Okay, that's a lie, my first of many I'm sure, there are times I would trade just about every single one of them for some decent compensation, especially when they are getting on my last nerve, but overall they are good kids. They mean well, but they are still kids and after all these years, I can finally understand why my mother laughs hysterically when I call her with all my woes and complaints. She understands the concept of revenge and how if you are really patient, all the crap your kids gave to you will come around to them when they have their own. Nice mom, laughing in my time of need but at the same time, I completely understand. Now send the bottle of whiskey over and we'll be just fine.

As for my kids, I have 3, Melissa who is 17 and really starting to push her boundaries, almost to the point of getting pushed out of the nest early and told to deal with life, since she already has all the answers. :) Then we have Ellie, who is 14 and really, REALLY, REALLY hates it when I talk about her online so of course we must say something that will get her ticked off. Let's see, um..............nah, we'll be nice today. And last but certainly not least is my baby, James who is 7 and autistic. Now he is a high functioning autistic which means he walks, talks and interacts and is very intelligent, he just can't handle a lot of social situations and needs to be in a smaller classroom with fewer students. He pretty much gets away with murder and his sisters hate him for it and right now I am getting a lesson in dinosaurs because he loves dinosaurs and loves talking about them. That and he eats all the time. Seriously, he would eat 24/7 if I let him. As he likes to tell me, "I'm in a growth spurt mom, I need food." Yeah, sure, ALL THE TIME?

I am currently unemployed and going to school at Boces which is okay, it's a self teaching type class where they provide you the materials and you work through them at your own pace. It's okay but I really miss the interaction of talking with other students about the assignments and such. On the positive side of that I have already finished my books and am getting ready to take my Excel test and I still have 2 months to go. So they gave me other stuff to look over since I'm just so freakin' smart and fast! Okay, another lie but hey, who's counting? You are? Well, then, that's two lies in one blog, sue me! The truth is I took accounting and most of the material is stuff I have either studied before or have actually used in jobs so it was like a review for me. And the Excel is again, mostly review since I learned a lot of it with on the job training. And on the final assignment in the accounting book I got a 100! WOOT! A perfect score!

And speaking of WOOT, every time you say that word you owe my friend Raggmopp a nickel. He is the one who came up with that word many, many moons ago and it's taken off like wild fire on some sites. I owe him a butt load of nickels, which may not seem like a lot to most but when you see the size of my butt, well, it's a lot! And yes, Raggmopp is an unusual name, much like mine, but unlike mine, his is a chosen moniker he uses for on line purposes while mine is an original. I have to thank my parents for giving me such an usual name, the story is that supposedly there were two dancers on the Ed Sullivan show when my mom was preggo with me, Deanna and Deannda and they liked the name and stuck me with it. I really can't complain, well, yes I can and I did quite a bit when I was younger but now in the age of the internet I have to thank them because when you Google or Bing the name Deannda, guess who comes up the most on the first page? Go ahead, go check and see, I'll wait......::::insert elevator music, oh heck NO, insert Paramore Music here while waiting:::::::
Yep, on Google of the first 10 hits, 6 of them are me, if you enter my full name, Deannda Neufer; I am the entire first page and quite a few after that. On Bing, wait, I've never Binged myself, that didn't sound quite right, have you been Binged lately? Oh dear, better go check that out, hang on, be right back, here listen to some more Paramore or Owl City while you are waiting........................oh well, right now my internet is having issues, which don't really concern you since by the time you read this, it will be fixed and posted. So what I'm going to do now, rather than chance losing all I have done, I will copy, paste and save what I have written so far, then go cook dinner, which shall be chicken breast, cooked with garlic powder, onion salt, seasoned salt, zesty seasoning and mix that in with salad for dinner. Yes, on the rare occasion I get the urge to cook real food, go figure. So until later..........................
Well, it's later for me, not for you since you've made it this far but I went and Binged myself and if you just put in the first name it takes out the second n and brings up all this other stuff, but if you put in the full name, BOOM, there I am! :) So if you really want to know about me, just go Google or Bing me! :)

But now it's getting late, I'm getting tired and I have school tomorrow, so you all have fun! :)

Musings of a Mad Woman (is she angry or just crazy, guess you'll have to read it to find out!) who is raising 3 kids, 2 dogs, 2 cats, 2 fish and a bird in the Zoo. Nothing hidden, nothing held back, enjoy!