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Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Letter to my Nanny

It's been so long since we last talked. You've missed so much. There's so much I want to tell you, so much I want you to know, that I'm sure I'll forget most of it before I'm finished writing.

Not long after you went home I graduated from college. I only had one grandparent come to see me walk across the stage, but I know you wouldn't have missed it for anything. You would have been there if you were still here.

A year later, we took ownership of the house you lived in, the house you got married in. My bedroom now is the bedroom you slept in. I know you would be so proud of the house coming back together, and you would visit often. Mom says it still even smells the same.

We moved into the house in June of 2008 and our only baby was born in August. I wish you could had been here to hold him, to sing to him, to snuggle with him. I was off work that whole year, so I would have made sure to come pick you up so that you could come to my house and love on my baby boy.

It's really hard for me, knowing that Archer won't ever get to know you. You played such a huge role in my childhood, and I wanted my children to know the undivided love you managed to give each of your five grandchildren.

I often try to remember the stories you told me and the songs that you sang to me so that I can sing them to him. He loves "You are my Sunshine" and we sing it all the time. He's starting to get the words down on his own and likes to sing it to me. He sings to me, "I love you, a bushel and a peck" a lot too, but he forgets how it goes and it usually ends wrong, but it makes me so happy to hear him say your words.

He's so talkative like I was, except he's pretty wild like his daddy was. He will tell a story to anyone who listens, which always reminds me that he's a Rogers boy just as much as anything else. I tell him stories about you and show him your picture, just because. He told me a few weeks ago that he loves going to Poppy's house, because that's where his family is and I wished that you were there too.

There are days when I want to call you and tell you about my day, tell you about my life and ask for your advice. I keep your email address in my contact book because I can't seem to delete it.

I'm sure this will sound silly, but because I drive so far to work that I listen to books every day. I used to love laying in bed with you in the old house listening to your books. If you were still here, we could swap books and talk about them.

I hate that you're not here, that I didn't get the chance to share my family with you, but I know you are so happy where you are. So much has changed since you've been gone. My life is totally different. And I wish I had a grandma here that loved me as much as you did, that would love Archer as much as you could have.

But you'll be happy to know we're all doing pretty good. Poppy is healthy, your daughters spend time together and help each other out like they were raised to do. Your grandchildren still gather on Sunday to spend time with family, and we include our own children in the mix. It's almost like it used to be at your house, with kids every where. Almost.

It's been five years today since you went home, and I still miss you so much. I know we'll see each other again someday, and it will be a glorious reunion. Until then....

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