Monday, February 8, 2010

Many years ago, when I returned to the Lord and was born again, I had a nagging problem. Some years before that, I had an abortion and it was hanging over my head, causing all sorts of guilt.

As time went by and I learned more and more about the workings of the Holy Spirit, I was continually held back from fully experiencing and feeling free, due to that old guilt.

One night, I broke down on the alter. My heart was broken and I couldn't seem to get passed that old sin and guilt. I knew the Lord had forgiven me but I couldn't forgive myself. I kept visualizing the age the child would have been and agonizing over it.

That same night, I came home from church and after getting my daughter to bed, I sat down with the Bible. I searched and searched for some story similar to mine. Something like the prostitute and Jesus forgiving her. Something that would put my heart at ease. I was searching for justification.

As I sat on the couch, I finally closed the Bible, leaned my head back and cried out to the Lord. I confessed what I was doing, "Lord I'm searching for justification and I know that's wrong but...." As I wailed away at the Lord, 3 times my thoughts were interrupted. Each time, it was as though a spirit swooped into my face with the message "Deut. 2:24" and each time, I dismissed it, going back to the subject at hand.

The 3rd time it happened, I gave up, stopped praying and said out loud, "Ok, already. I'll look up Deut. 2:24!"

I opened the Bible and read about the Israelites crossing over into the promised land. The message that stood out to me was 'contend with the enemy in battle for I have given you the victory'. It dawned on me that the devil had been playing with my mind. I stood up and bellowed, "Satan! Get your filthy lying hands off my mind!"

Immediately, it was as though a warm blanket covered me, started from my head and all the way to my toes. I was free. I had crossed over and contended with the enemy.

Over the next few days, more and more meaning came out of that one verse and grew until it became the substance of my life.

Translated into terms, we would understand today, God was telling His children to stand up and act like His children. Pull yourself up by the bootstraps, so to speak. Whether we feel like it or not, we are to stand up and act like His kids.

As His children, we have the world by the tail. Until we come to realize this (crossing the river) and until we come to realize that the battle is already won (contend with for I have given), we reach for an impossible goal of ' salvation'. Impossible in our minds but not in reality.

Just like the Israelites. Some were fearful and so were left to wander in the desert. Some were victorious and saw the plenty, instead of the giants. It really is a perspective and it's up to us to change our minds and become what God wants us to be - victorious.

There is no amount of study, no amount of faith, no amount of growing that can bring us to the state of mind, God wants. We have to simply DO it!

A few years ago, my niece had this dream from the Lord. In the dream, she saw nothing more than a patch of grass, a tree and bench. She sat on the bench.

Jesus came and sat with her and asked her what she could see behind her. She looked over her shoulder to see nothing, absolutely nothing but a black void. The Jesus told her, that's what her sins are like. When forgiven, they are gone - no longer a part of the picture - nothing but a void.

There was a great lesson in this dream and I hope you get the point. Laboring over an old sin that you've brought to the Lord and repented of, is so far off the charts, even Jesus doesn't know what you're talking about. It's as much a sin to feel guilt over that old sin, as it was to commit the sin in the first place.

It's gone! A black void. Nothingness. Not even a lingering shadow. No print left behind to tell you it was ever there. So why do you keep bringing it up?