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Wednesday, May 4, 2016

A Letter To Our Foster Baby: Preparing To Say Goodbye

We knew your time with us would be temporary. We knew that whether it was a month or a year, at some point we would say good-bye to you. We knew it would hurt. We knew that it would be difficult no matter when the good-bye happened, but we also knew there would be no way to fully prepare for it.

I will never forget when you were dropped off at our home. 7 months old, wide eyed and curious. I can only imagine what was going on in your head. I think I was just as wide-eyed and curious as you were. The next few weeks were such a blur, I'm thankful I documented your days with pictures. My how you've grown.

You got two teeth while you were here. You learned to walk and say your first words.

I want you to know, you were afforded everything our own children were while you were with us. Every bit as much love, as much care and every bit as much prayer. We sang you the same songs we sing to our boys every night when we tuck them in. We picked out your own Bible verse to pray over you, and we often said it through tears. My Mom made you a Lovey, just like she made one for our boys and you instantly attached to it, seeking the same comfort from it that they do.

You were tenderly rocked to sleep on the nights you cried out when we couldn't think of anything else to do. You were tended to with care and concern during the several sicknesses you endured while you were here. You were a part of our holiday traditions, our "framily" time and birthday parties. You were a part of our training for races, church life and everything else. You were never treated like anything other than a child of ours.

We did not hold back in our love, or in our fervent prayers for you, or in our supplying you of everything you needed. You have not wanted for anything. We have asked the Lord to intercede on your behalf, we have asked Him to protect you and to draw you to Himself. We have asked that no matter where you go from our home, you will know deep in your soul that you were loved here and that as deep as our love goes for you, the Father loves you that much more. We pray you will seek Him and find Him in the days ahead.

Little Man, our boys have loved you from the moment you entered our house. They have never treated you like anything other than a brother. They've been protective of you, thoughtful about you and they have loved you with a love that we had never seen. You taught them how to love in a whole new way and they are more like Jesus because of it.

You will leave a void in our hearts. My heart is already breaking into a million pieces at the thought of you not being with us, but I do not regret for one moment saying "yes" to this, and "yes" to you. You are worth the pain in my heart, you are worth the sacrifice we've made to love you big, and hard, and without strings attached. You deserved to be loved so much that it hurts. You are not a mistake, or an accident, or a problem- you are precious. You have a hope and a future and we are grateful to have played, even just a small part, in your life.

You, my sweet boy...you changed us. You showed us what it really means to have our heart broken for the things that break the heart of Jesus. You have shown us that it is possible for things to be hard and good, and ugly and beautiful all at the same time. Your little life matters.

We will grieve you. It will not be pretty, but we will do this again for another little one because there are more of you out there that deserve this love. And we will pray that others who have watched us open our hearts and home to you, we will pray that they will choose to say "yes" as well because there are so many like you who need to be loved hard, and fully and we will tell them...it is so worth it.