January 2011

22 January 2011

Hello all and thank you so much for your patience with all my long absences. The last few weeks have had many joys and challenges for us. I have less than four weeks left until the baby is due and I have found this pregnancy quite difficult but would not change it for anything. It has been absolutely amazing to get to know our little girl even though she hasn't been born yet. She has shown herself to be strong and a little fighter in the way that she kicks, especially when I rest anything on my bump like my hands or the remote control.

I've had regular check-ups, scans and have been closely monitored. It was just before Christmas that the midwife visited and when she listened to the baby's heart beat, she felt it was a bit irregular and skipping beats. We were sent to the hospital for monitoring just as the snow started to fall. From the hospital ward we watched the snow coming down thick and fast while we wondered what was going on. It was in fact only the start of several hospital visits to monitor her heart rate and movement until we could attend an appointment at St. Thomas Hospital in London for an echo cardiogram (ECG) which is like an ultrasound scan but focussed on the heart.

Hubby went with me on Tuesday as we got the train into London for the ECG. The scan was started by a nurse but she said that she was having difficulties in getting good pictures as my pregnancy was quite advanced and baby had very little room in there. She eventually called the Consultant. The Consultant took over and it took quite some time. Then he asked me to move to another type of scan machine in a different room and he continued to look at baby's heart. It was over an hour before they finished and asked us to wait in a little room with four chairs and a box of tissues. Before they came in, I turned to Hubby and said, "she's got a hole in her heart." I just knew something was wrong.

The Consultant came in and made a drawing to explain how the heart works. He then went on to explain that they believe our baby has Tetralogy of Fallot which usually has four malfunctions but, baby only had two of those. She had a hole in her heart between the two lower heart chambers (ventricles) and that the aorta that is suppose to be growing from the right hand side, was growing from the middle of the lower ventricles and overlapping this hole. The explanations were all clear but very technical. It was so hard to absorb what was being said. He then stated that our baby will need open-heart surgery to repair this but that they could not say when this would be. As there are still a lot of uncertainty, we will be transferred from our local hospital to St. Thomas once baby has been born so that she could have further tests and scans.

We got back on the train and felt like we were in a daze. It all came so unexpectedly and as a complete shock. Over the last few days we've had time for the news to sink in. We have cried, we've been scared and we have been heart-broken at the thought of what lies ahead. Hubby, knowing what it feels like to have open-heart surgery and me, knowing what it's like to care for someone who's had this major operation although he was an adult, not a baby like our daughter will be.

Yesterday, I've finally found peace about it all. I know it's not going to be easy but I also know that we've been through difficult times before and that we came through stronger. I also believe that we have a God who can work miracles, that he is our baby's Maker and Healer and that he holds her little heart in his hand. I also know that whatever the outcome, He will never leave me, nor forsake me. He is faithful and true and I can say, "it is well, with my soul."