helen boyd's journal of gender & trans issues

7. “Fifty-six percent of unmarried men prefer receiving head while lying down as opposed to standing up, while the numbers are exactly reversed for married men.”
I think that means you are one married man and two standard deviations from overthinking foreplay.

“We rounded up a bunch of super-sexy tricks just for [your breasts]. If these don’t skyrocket your pleasure (and have him drowning in drool), we don’t know what will.”
I pride myself on keeping up with the international register of erotic terminology, but somehow “drowning in drool” slipped right by me. However, after Googling it, I did learn that it accounts for 23% of nocturnal deaths among St. Bernards.

16. “Draw an attention-grabbing circle around your nipples using rhinestones and body glue for a special night in.”
Definitely wait for a special night. Nothing’s sadder than body-gluing rhinestones around your nipples on a Tuesday. What is this, the Midwest?