Virgo (Aug 22nd – Sept 22nd) – You will do an outstanding deed today, increasing your karma stock so much you can do, like, three awful things without an issue. Hey, maybe telling your Leo friends we didn’t mention Varadkar this week could do it?

Libra (Sept 23rd – Oct 22nd) – You will do an outstanding deed today, increasing your karma stock so much you can do, like, three awful things without an issue. Hey, maybe telling your Virgo friends we didn’t call them virgins this week could do it?

Aquarius (Jan 21st – Feb 19th) – You’ll be on the 205 from Kent Station when an elderly woman will get on on Washington Street. You give up your seat to them. The whole bus claps. That old woman? Albert Einstein.

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Mystic Greg

Mystic Greg is a 420 year old spider demon from modern-day Hólmavík, Iceland. He exclusively wears necropants from Topman. No one truly knows where Mystic Greg goes in the evening, but it's certainly not Havanas.
Some say that if you get lost in the ORB and rub a silver coin on your genitals, Mystic Greg will appear to call you a gowl and show you the way out (you weren't going to that lecture anyway).
Editorial Note: We have never seen Mystic Greg in person, we only receive their articles by carrier pigeon upon the full moon.