Suckered into the Evil Dead Dance Studio

My boyfriend and I have taken up ballroom dancing. I can’t say why, other than he wanted to learn and I’m always up for a challenge. We’ve found a fantastic studio now but it wasn’t always this easy…

Our first studio experience was basically a B movie zombie flick waiting to happen. At the first class, we were supposed to learn a few introductory steps but it was more like Zombie Conversion 101.

Side step: Let’s hold hands and sing a song

Back step: dancing is fun so come along

Front walk: Drink the water and champagne

Rock step: We will definitely not eat your brains

..my efforts at resisting didn’t go over so well as I felt my feet walking to my car, returning with my wallet, and telling the only-girl-who-enjoys-watching-herself-dance-in-the-mirror-more-than-i-do that yes, we could show up next Tuesday and yes, we’d like the intro class package, please, thank you, boyfriend please stop giving me the look.

We returned the next week, slightly more aware. One of the teachers was obviously the head zombie as he already wore a look of hunger and brain eating with his big wonky eyes and jerry curl. Gawd…he might have been the muse of the movie, I don’t know.

Our instructor was the leader of the clan that suckered in the fresh meat. Our lessons usually went like this:

Ok, yes here are a few basic moves to get you interested. And yes, Brittany you dance with me so I can stare at your rack and I’ll spin you around…Slow, slow, quick, together spin, Yes, yes, can’t you just see yourself with us forever, spinning and twirling and one, two, threefour… we are always laughing and dancing (we even call it danghing when we are laughing and dancing at the same time!) and don’t you want to bring others to be here forever too? We loooooove dancing, dance dance dance, ballroom is for everyone.Look, I’m sliding around the floor like Tom Cruise in Risky Business, we have so much fun here, Fun! Dancing is so. much. FUN!

Finally, our 4 classes ended and we politely declined the invitation to join the ranks. I’m sure our instructor was flogged for not securing our $1000 and fresh flesh for the rest of the tribe to devour. It was either him or us. And we decided he was simply worth the sacrifice. Bless his heart.