(Original post by Jackso)
Well, he seems to make you unhappy and it doesn't seem like you can trust him... which is pretty much the exact opposite of what a relationship is meant to be doing/consist of. Presumably you're not going to the same university as him?

No need to thank me or anyone else, its what this thread is for. And don't worry, there is literally nothing going on in my life right now that is worth talking about. I'm just waiting for September/October.

You're very right But how would I go about explaining that I found this post? Or that I haven't forgotten what he used to be like? Would I sound stupid? Long story short, we've an age gap between us and he's just about to finish uni. *sigh*

(Original post by FuzzySheep)
I just replied to your PM, and given what you've told me here most of what I said doesn't matter so big big big hugs from me, well done. I definitely agree with you with the bagels too

It's a horrible feeling isn't it? I do the same, haha! I have to put my tough face on With other people, I just let it build up until I get frustrated, not the best thing to do.

I'm glad things are ok now, enjoy your bagels

Ah, it's ok. Bagels are the best thing ever (a bit expensive, but one of my flatmates eats them all the time and I've been resisting buying a packet of my own for months )

I wish I didn't care about not upsetting other people, because there's a point where it gets daft. I don't like telling my doctor that things haven't been so good because I feel like I'm disappointing her. Which isn't a particularly good reason, really..

The bagels were enjoyed an hour ago Currently resisting the urge to go and eat the three that are left..

(Original post by ZZ9)
Ah, it's ok. Bagels are the best thing ever (a bit expensive, but one of my flatmates eats them all the time and I've been resisting buying a packet of my own for months )

I wish I didn't care about not upsetting other people, because there's a point where it gets daft. I don't like telling my doctor that things haven't been so good because I feel like I'm disappointing her. Which isn't a particularly good reason, really..

The bagels were enjoyed an hour ago Currently resisting the urge to go and eat the three that are left..

I only buy them when I see them in the reduced section, I'm quite the cheapo

No, I know what you mean. What I've started to do is just force myself into being more assertive, being assertive doesn't mean you have to be raging and stuff, it just means you're looking out for you which is fine. And remember that your doctor is there to help you above all, it'll be better in the long run if you say what's going on. It's the only way we can make progress, right?

(Original post by FuzzySheep)
You're very right But how would I go about explaining that I found this post? Or that I haven't forgotten what he used to be like? Would I sound stupid? Long story short, we've an age gap between us and he's just about to finish uni. *sigh*

Ah, uni excitement? High 5

How did you find out? As long as you didn't hack into his e-mail or anything, I'd just be very direct about it. He's entirely in the wrong there and it's pretty unpleasant that he said he loved you a week later. So no, you definitely wouldn't sound stupid as long as you didn't do anything 'wrong', really. If he says anything like you're being too sensitive then he's full of ****

Pretty much! The offers are Unconditional so now it's just the wait...

I was googling the username he uses for a photo website he has as I couldn't remember the site and saw he was on TSR. I suppose I did look at his posts, which could be seen as privacy-evading though. I'm an idiot, I know.

(Original post by FuzzySheep)
I was googling the username he uses for a photo website he has as I couldn't remember the site and saw he was on TSR. I suppose I did look at his posts, which could be seen as privacy-evading though. I'm an idiot, I know.

Oh nice! Where are you looking to go?

Then you should probably point it out to him. He's kind of an idiot for not deleting it, really. It's not like you were even looking for it. Again, gotta stress that isn't your fault at all.

Feeling more confused and crap about myself than ever. I really don't think I have any kind of future. Everyone else has plans but I have nothing. I'm almost 2/3 the way through my first year and I still have no idea what I'm going to do. Before I was so hard working and was so looking forward to university.. and now I don't even try, I just worry all the time.

And I didn't go to see the nurse this week like I said I would. I chickened out because I don't want someone to tell me all my problems, I already know them.

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And I haven't been to the GP at all. I don't know if I should be worried because my sickness and stuff has gone now so I think I'm okay. Still slightly concerned though.

The senior tutor said to me today "what you're going through isn't uncommon. Hang in there, we don't want to lose you" so clearly someone has been talking about me to him, either the nurse or another tutor. I don't want to be treated like a special case. He knows about my home background and was asking how things were at home and if I was fitting in. And he was asking all this within earshot of other people :/
I don't understand how I can change as a person if people label me as this one person. When people call you shy all the time its hard to be anything else.

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I've just spent the evening with the boy who asked me out and I kindof but didnt say yes to. He's so, so nice and we get on so well, but I feel like a fraud because he thinks I'm something I'm not. And I think I may actually like him but I feel too **** about myself and self-concious to let anything happen. It's so annoying that I'm my own biggest obstacle. Need to sort myself out.

(Original post by Anonymous)
Don't forget, you're doing a degree. I'm sure they're supposed to challenge you so you won't get everything right first time. Try not to worry about it too much, I'm almost certain there are people who are struggling with the work too.

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Reading my post back, it doesn't even make sense, sorry.
Still so confused about how I feel. I feel almost as if I have nothing to compare my moods to so I can't tell if I'm feeling good or bad. At the moment I do feel down but I went downstairs earlier and watched some TV with my mum for an hour or so, suppose I'm not too bad then. Again, definitely not the worst I've ever felt but I have felt a lot better. Just fed up of everything I think.
At the moment, if I was given a sure way to kill myself I'm not sure if I'd go through with it. I'd certainly give it a think but I'm not sure what I'd do. It's just when I get really, really low (which is increasingly more common) I know I would.
Not sure if I'm at the point of locking people up but I'll keep it in mind
No appointment yet. They rang my mum to confirm they had my details though. Also have a copy of the letter so that should hopefully save me from having to explain myself too much.
Thansks

Just read back my post and corrected so much, my sentences didn't even make sense. I was jumping to and fro from topic to topic. Wondering if I write like that in school.

Thanks, I guess you're right, just when I can't do it right away I want to give up, wonder if my concentration will ever come back. Did 3 questions for the nicer module last night, hoping to complete it today so that at least I'm doing some work while avoiding the stuff I can't do.
Got an email from my advisor, he wants me to come and see him next week. Why do I keep thinking he will be mad at me and think I'm making excuses when I have no evidence for that. Going to try to stop torturing myself.

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I get what you mean, I think it's best to try not to analyse how your are feeling too much if you can, sometimes that makes me feel worse..
That makes sense, don't want to say, just and hope things work out soon.
That's good, should take some pressure off not having to go over it all from the beginning.

Sorry about your grandad, hope he is better and out of hospital soon. Enjoy your visit.
I know, still in bed, well got up to have a shower then came back to bed. Got an insane amount of work to do, but just want to stay here.

(Original post by kate_12)
Feeling more confused and crap about myself than ever. I really don't think I have any kind of future. Everyone else has plans but I have nothing. I'm almost 2/3 the way through my first year and I still have no idea what I'm going to do. Before I was so hard working and was so looking forward to university.. and now I don't even try, I just worry all the time.

And I didn't go to see the nurse this week like I said I would. I chickened out because I don't want someone to tell me all my problems, I already know them.

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And I haven't been to the GP at all. I don't know if I should be worried because my sickness and stuff has gone now so I think I'm okay. Still slightly concerned though.

The senior tutor said to me today &quot;what you're going through isn't uncommon. Hang in there, we don't want to lose you&quot; so clearly someone has been talking about me to him, either the nurse or another tutor. I don't want to be treated like a special case. He knows about my home background and was asking how things were at home and if I was fitting in. And he was asking all this within earshot of other people :/
I don't understand how I can change as a person if people label me as this one person. When people call you shy all the time its hard to be anything else.

Spoiler:

Show

I've just spent the evening with the boy who asked me out and I kindof but didnt say yes to. He's so, so nice and we get on so well, but I feel like a fraud because he thinks I'm something I'm not. And I think I may actually like him but I feel too **** about myself and self-concious to let anything happen. It's so annoying that I'm my own biggest obstacle. Need to sort myself out.

I know it can be uncomfortable but maybe it's for the best he knows, at least he sounds supportive. I know it's hard but I would really try to see the gp about how you are feeling, this doesn't have to continue. Glad the guy is nice and you are not a fraud, he has just seen you for who you are.

Feeling terrible... I got a text from my best friend last night saying she is sick of me and cannot be bothered with me anymore because I always turn down any offers go out.

I explained that I have been really busy work catching up on homework and it is not intentional. I'm also annoyed that her message was triggerd because I have uni on the day she is getting a new hair cut so I can't come to the hair dressers with her... I just want to text her and say 'it takes so much effort for me to drag myself out of bed, sorry I cannot care about such an important issue like your hair '. But she doesn't know that I am depressed and I am not going to open up to her when she is pissed of with me.

I am pathetc and useless and the one person who actually cares about me has given up on me. I am just going to give up too.

I am going to carry on to keep up appearences but I am just waiting until I have the courage to just disappear. I have been worried about coping on my year abroad which is soon but now I cannot wait. I just want to leave and be alone.

Thank you to everyone on this thread for being kind and very helpful when things seem hopeless but it was wasted on a failure like me. I don't deserve help and I don't deserve to be happy.

Apparently I'm going on "food watch" if I don't eat. Ffs it isn't my fault I have zero appetite or inclination to eat. On top of that, the chicken mayo sandwich a nurse brought to my room says it has over 2000kcals per pack. Now that doesn't seem very likely to me, but I'm not touching it just in case.

(Original post by Anonymous)
Thanks, I guess you're right, just when I can't do it right away I want to give up, wonder if my concentration will ever come back. Did 3 questions for the nicer module last night, hoping to complete it today so that at least I'm doing some work while avoiding the stuff I can't do.
Got an email from my advisor, he wants me to come and see him next week. Why do I keep thinking he will be mad at me and think I'm making excuses when I have no evidence for that. Going to try to stop torturing myself.

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I get what you mean, I think it's best to try not to analyse how your are feeling too much if you can, sometimes that makes me feel worse..
That makes sense, don't want to say, just and hope things work out soon.
That's good, should take some pressure off not having to go over it all from the beginning.

Sorry about your grandad, hope he is better and out of hospital soon. Enjoy your visit.
I know, still in bed, well got up to have a shower then came back to bed. Got an insane amount of work to do, but just want to stay here.
.

Hopefully it will come back eventually.
Of course he won't think you're looking for excuses! Trying not to torture yourself sounds like the perfect plan.

Thanks.
Turns out we're not allowed to see him because he has a contagious bug and his immune system is low so we might catch the bug and/or bring something in from the outside.

Just did a past paper in preparation for my exam on Monday and got 45%, not too great. But I don't care and I should. I think I'm subconsciously telling myself that if I do well then that will mean that all what I am thinking and feeling is a lie so I don't want to do well, when I do. Hate my train of thought.

Hopefully you managed to get out of bed, I finally rolled out at about midday.

I just spent 20 minutes looking for the old thread. Oops. I'm an idiot.

Update: So, I've stopped feeling sorry for myself. I've come to the conclusion, that if I get an offer from UEA for medicine, all the better, I'll take it. If, however, I do not, then either way, my aim is to work as hard as I possibly can to put myself in a really strong position for next year, and my reapplication to study medicine. If I get my predicted grades (A*A*Aa and an A* in my Extended Project), then that will definately put me in a good position for next year. Also, if I get my predicted grades, having discussed it with my personal tutor, and while my GCSEs weren't spectacular, I was severely ill for most of them, so with a supporting letter from my GP, I will probably have a shot at Cambridge. Which I would really like, but we shall see!

As I said, don't get me wrong, if I get an offer from UEA and don't have to take a gap year, then all the better, but there is a silver lining there somewhere.

Also, I've got about 3 months of my summer planned either way now. I've had a little project that I've wanted to do for years, but I've never really had the resources or the technical/mechanical capability to do it. Now I have myself, two friends, possibly my cousin and uncle and anybody else I know that can help in, all of us being quite capable.

Hopefully all of you are old enough to remember Robot Wars? If not, go on youtube, all the episodes are there. Started watching when I was six years old and always wanted to build one. Well, now I can! Robot wars is, sadly, no longer on the air, and there will be severe budget limitations, however, between us, we know where to get the stuff we need on the cheap. Also, there are some tournaments in my region, so I can still dream a bit.

If it works, it'll be great fun. If it doesn't, well, it'll still be great fun. I'd rather it worked because a) It'll be so much fun!, b) It will look good on my UCAS application if I have to reapply next year, c) Hopefully we can enter a tournament and destroy some stuff, and d) It will really help my mechanical and engineering knowledge. While not a major priority, it will most definately be interesting!

(Original post by Zee Zee)
I will have a catch up of the thread later but I just had to post.

I hope everyone is ok .

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Feeling terrible... I got a text from my best friend last night saying she is sick of me and cannot be bothered with me anymore because I always turn down any offers go out.

I explained that I have been really busy work catching up on homework and it is not intentional. I'm also annoyed that her message was triggerd because I have uni on the day she is getting a new hair cut so I can't come to the hair dressers with her... I just want to text her and say 'it takes so much effort for me to drag myself out of bed, sorry I cannot care about such an important issue like your hair '. But she doesn't know that I am depressed and I am not going to open up to her when she is pissed of with me.

I am pathetc and useless and the one person who actually cares about me has given up on me. I am just going to give up too.

I am going to carry on to keep up appearences but I am just waiting until I have the courage to just disappear. I have been worried about coping on my year abroad which is soon but now I cannot wait. I just want to leave and be alone.

Thank you to everyone on this thread for being kind and very helpful when things seem hopeless but it was wasted on a failure like me. I don't deserve help and I don't deserve to be happy.

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Oh, now, everyone deserves help, and most definately EVERYONE deserves to be happy. You'll get there.

Maybe you should tell her now, love. She needs to know, if she's your best friend, and if she truly is, then she'll be glad to know and be able to help you, even if there isn't a lot that she can do.

I spent five years systematically alienating almost anybody that gave a crap about me, albeit with a great deal of help from my ex-girlfriend. I'm not going to try and force you to do something if you're not ready to do it, but just let me say this - it did me no favours whatsoever.

I just wanted to be alone. Then after all that effort to be alone, I've spent years being so lonely that I just couldn't bare to get out of bed each day. I would advise avoiding that if you can, even if you have to tolerate people.

Don't write yourself off just yet

I hope that helped - even if it was just a little bit.

(Original post by Nut.)
Apparently I'm going on &quot;food watch&quot; if I don't eat. Ffs it isn't my fault I have zero appetite or inclination to eat. On top of that, the chicken mayo sandwich a nurse brought to my room says it has over 2000kcals per pack. Now that doesn't seem very likely to me, but I'm not touching it just in case.

Have you tried telling them that? What exactly is 'Food watch'? I mean, the title says it all, but what exactly do they do?

Alternatively, you could just tell them that you don't like mayo - way less calories then. Jesus, isn't that the RDA of calories for a woman? That is one ****-filled sandwich.

Just tell them that you don't feel hungry and that it's not your fault/that you want something else.

Sorry, that was a real case of typing something to realise that the advice I offered was a bit crap, really, but its the best I've got.

Oh, now, everyone deserves help, and most definately EVERYONE deserves to be happy. You'll get there.

Maybe you should tell her now, love. She needs to know, if she's your best friend, and if she truly is, then she'll be glad to know and be able to help you, even if there isn't a lot that she can do.

I spent five years systematically alienating almost anybody that gave a crap about me, albeit with a great deal of help from my ex-girlfriend. I'm not going to try and force you to do something if you're not ready to do it, but just let me say this - it did me no favours whatsoever.

I just wanted to be alone. Then after all that effort to be alone, I've spent years being so lonely that I just couldn't bare to get out of bed each day. I would advise avoiding that if you can, even if you have to tolerate people.

Don't write yourself off just yet

I hope that helped - even if it was just a little bit.

Have you tried telling them that? What exactly is 'Food watch'? I mean, the title says it all, but what exactly do they do?

Alternatively, you could just tell them that you don't like mayo - way less calories then. Jesus, isn't that the RDA of calories for a woman? That is one ****-filled sandwich.

Just tell them that you don't feel hungry and that it's not your fault/that you want something else.

Sorry, that was a real case of typing something to realise that the advice I offered was a bit crap, really, but its the best I've got.

Not sure what food watch is tbh. Yeah exactly, I only ever eat over 1500kcals when I have a binge day! Considering that the increased dose of quetiapine in November made me binge almost every day, so I've put on half a stone since then. Only puts my BMI up to 23 but I want it back down to 21 and the NHS will NOT ruin that for me.

I finally got up and had a shower at about 1. Watching the Liv/United game now.

(Original post by Chrisofsmeg)
I just spent 20 minutes looking for the old thread. Oops. I'm an idiot.

Update: So, I've stopped feeling sorry for myself. I've come to the conclusion, that if I get an offer from UEA for medicine, all the better, I'll take it. If, however, I do not, then either way, my aim is to work as hard as I possibly can to put myself in a really strong position for next year, and my reapplication to study medicine. If I get my predicted grades (A*A*Aa and an A* in my Extended Project), then that will definately put me in a good position for next year. Also, if I get my predicted grades, having discussed it with my personal tutor, and while my GCSEs weren't spectacular, I was severely ill for most of them, so with a supporting letter from my GP, I will probably have a shot at Cambridge. Which I would really like, but we shall see!

As I said, don't get me wrong, if I get an offer from UEA and don't have to take a gap year, then all the better, but there is a silver lining there somewhere.

Also, I've got about 3 months of my summer planned either way now. I've had a little project that I've wanted to do for years, but I've never really had the resources or the technical/mechanical capability to do it. Now I have myself, two friends, possibly my cousin and uncle and anybody else I know that can help in, all of us being quite capable.

Hopefully all of you are old enough to remember Robot Wars? If not, go on youtube, all the episodes are there. Started watching when I was six years old and always wanted to build one. Well, now I can! Robot wars is, sadly, no longer on the air, and there will be severe budget limitations, however, between us, we know where to get the stuff we need on the cheap. Also, there are some tournaments in my region, so I can still dream a bit.

If it works, it'll be great fun. If it doesn't, well, it'll still be great fun. I'd rather it worked because a) It'll be so much fun!, b) It will look good on my UCAS application if I have to reapply next year, c) Hopefully we can enter a tournament and destroy some stuff, and d) It will really help my mechanical and engineering knowledge. While not a major priority, it will most definately be interesting!

Hope that everyone's ok.

Chris

I did the same thing with the old thread

I think your spot on with the stuff about Unis. You are a smart person, so even if the Unis don't realise this this year, you will be in a much better place next year. No reason why you couldn't go for Cambridge, so definitely do for it!

I have so much love for Robot Wars. Do you remember Techno Games? It was like Robot Wars but instead of fighting they did more boring stuff (like drag races and that...). Anyway, my friend was on it and one 2 gold medals, it was so cool! Building a robot would be awesome! Destroying stuff is always good

(Original post by Zee Zee)
I will have a catch up of the thread later but I just had to post.

I hope everyone is ok .

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Feeling terrible... I got a text from my best friend last night saying she is sick of me and cannot be bothered with me anymore because I always turn down any offers go out.

I explained that I have been really busy work catching up on homework and it is not intentional. I'm also annoyed that her message was triggerd because I have uni on the day she is getting a new hair cut so I can't come to the hair dressers with her... I just want to text her and say 'it takes so much effort for me to drag myself out of bed, sorry I cannot care about such an important issue like your hair '. But she doesn't know that I am depressed and I am not going to open up to her when she is pissed of with me.

I am pathetc and useless and the one person who actually cares about me has given up on me. I am just going to give up too.

I am going to carry on to keep up appearences but I am just waiting until I have the courage to just disappear. I have been worried about coping on my year abroad which is soon but now I cannot wait. I just want to leave and be alone.

Thank you to everyone on this thread for being kind and very helpful when things seem hopeless but it was wasted on a failure like me. I don't deserve help and I don't deserve to be happy.

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Show

Silly child. Of course you deserve help and to be happy. We all do, even if we don't think it.

I agree that you should tell your friend about your depression - sounds like she's being quite unfair, but hopefully if she knows the full situation then she'll treat you better (like you deserve).

Try not to worry about your year abroad - even starting it off with depression, it's still possible to have an absolutely awesome time, I promise you.

(Original post by Chrisofsmeg)
I just spent 20 minutes looking for the old thread. Oops. I'm an idiot.

Update: So, I've stopped feeling sorry for myself. I've come to the conclusion, that if I get an offer from UEA for medicine, all the better, I'll take it. If, however, I do not, then either way, my aim is to work as hard as I possibly can to put myself in a really strong position for next year, and my reapplication to study medicine. If I get my predicted grades (A*A*Aa and an A* in my Extended Project), then that will definately put me in a good position for next year. Also, if I get my predicted grades, having discussed it with my personal tutor, and while my GCSEs weren't spectacular, I was severely ill for most of them, so with a supporting letter from my GP, I will probably have a shot at Cambridge. Which I would really like, but we shall see!

As I said, don't get me wrong, if I get an offer from UEA and don't have to take a gap year, then all the better, but there is a silver lining there somewhere.

Also, I've got about 3 months of my summer planned either way now. I've had a little project that I've wanted to do for years, but I've never really had the resources or the technical/mechanical capability to do it. Now I have myself, two friends, possibly my cousin and uncle and anybody else I know that can help in, all of us being quite capable.

Hopefully all of you are old enough to remember Robot Wars? If not, go on youtube, all the episodes are there. Started watching when I was six years old and always wanted to build one. Well, now I can! Robot wars is, sadly, no longer on the air, and there will be severe budget limitations, however, between us, we know where to get the stuff we need on the cheap. Also, there are some tournaments in my region, so I can still dream a bit.

If it works, it'll be great fun. If it doesn't, well, it'll still be great fun. I'd rather it worked because a) It'll be so much fun!, b) It will look good on my UCAS application if I have to reapply next year, c) Hopefully we can enter a tournament and destroy some stuff, and d) It will really help my mechanical and engineering knowledge. While not a major priority, it will most definately be interesting!

Hope that everyone's ok.

Chris

Yay, optimism. Sounds like a good attitude to take.

ROBOT WARS! Words cannot express how much I love robot wars. I demand that you make and post many many videos of your robot destroying things. Have you decided what weapons it's gonna have yet?