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Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Now is Not the Time to Get Lazy

If that scale doesn't show me positive news, I don't know how I will take it. Losing weight is awesome! Not gaining weight is pretty darn good too. Gaining weight makes me feel like a failure.

I don't want to be fat. I want salesclerks to ask me if I need help, instead of ignoring me. I want to grab something off the rack and know that it'll fit me. I want to be glance at by strangers and not worry that they're judging me for ordering a burger instead of a salad. I don't like me at all. But maybe, just maybe, it would be easier if I could feel that people liked me.

Today's weigh-in results:

So, I'm still on track and doing enough. No time to celebrate though. I followed up my weigh-in with an approximately 380 calorie burning lawn-mowing excursion, have almost finished my first liter of water, and am shortly going to hop on the treadmill for an hour long walk on an incline with the TV show Las Vegas to amuse me during that time. It's too easy to slack off after a success. I refuse. The fat chick in me is trying to convince me that I deserve a day off. That I've done so well that I can forget about forcing myself to eat enough calories today. That fat chick... she's a liar. I hate her. I must destroy her.

1 comment:

#2: muscle weighs more than fat, so if you keep on the treadmill, you probably could and will gain muscle weight. This is good!Besides just weight, maybe you could track inches?

Don't get too hung up on the numbers! The effort and hard work WILL pay off eventually, it's just a slow and steady process. I will be here if you need me, I don't like this Anna self-hate, not one bit. If it motivates you... maybe, okay, but don't let it go to your head!

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About Me

I'm trying to reshape my life by reshaping my body. The journey isn't easy, I'm trying to get strong enough, and all I really want to do is to destroy that fat chick that I see in the mirror each day. She's not real. She's not me. I want her gone.