Racism isn't built on words it's built on actions. The day blacks will stop saying n**** is when we are on the same playing field as whites.

Originally Posted by BeautyisMiree

I do have to say that both actions and words build off racism. That is like someone saying: "I am not racist, I just let two n****** in my house." How is that not derogatory? But you have your opinion and I have mine. But the next time a white, black, hispanic, Asian, etc. individual calls you a n***** don't get offended because it's just a word, right?

Originally Posted by Samanthascurlz

I don't get offended it depends on which one they call me. Theirs one that is derogatory and one that is used friendly meaning other races can say it but it depends on the person they are saying to.

Originally Posted by BeautyisMiree

Weirdly, this has become true as well. It seems that damn "er" is what is offensive. The "gga" version seems to be becoming more acceptable.

Not sure if this is progress or something I should be very worried about.

And we DO need to stop saying that word. I'm guilty as well. But the truth is the word needs to die. Period.

To me it's because there still isn't a level playing field. Take miss black America. Do you know how hard it is to be black in those pageants? Black women rarely make the top 20. The whole contest is sorta rigged against you as you're being judged on western beauty standards opposite of features you actually have. So it makes sense to want to even things by separating. I mean a 8 year old wouldn't compete with a 20 year old.

Sent from my LS670 using CurlTalk App
Dang phone this was supposed to be a quote

If the person and I are having an argument and they say "You're a *****!" I get angry. If the person and I are joking around and I say "You're such dumb***." [...]

Originally Posted by BeautyisMiree

About using a generic slave name to hurt a fellow black person: First - and I fail to understand how some don't realize this - you aren't just putting down that person ... and you're not just mimicking, honoring and copying the actions of white slave owners ... You are also putting yourself down at the same time, as someone else who is black. I wish I could find a way to make this sound less judgmental but this is just one of those issues that pushes a major button for me. I do respect that many people - including you - do not hold this strong opinion. And I'll be the first to admit I'm no saint when it comes to words. The word "mulatto", for example, is one I have deep ambivalence about and have labeled myself with, at times ... People from my generation and older often still use the word. And for me, it's been hard to break the "mulatto" habit - being raised on it. I feel the same thing could be happening w/some people who use n***er a lot.

We won't get mad at each other because obviously we are joking and it's not causing harm. It all depends on the tone of ones voice.

According to your personal rules about "tone", technically anyone, from whatever background, in any situation, can "playfully" call a black person by his or her generic "slave name" (n***er), as long as that person is using a "playful" tone. But one of the weaknesses with this argument is that tone is completely subjective. It isn't always obvious that someone is joking. It isn't always obvious that someone is being malicious. And then it brings back the question of what it means to "joke" about using a self-abusive term.

Originally Posted by Korkscrew

I do not say the n-word but when a friend of mine who I know says it I do not mind. If you have not realized "gga" has become more acceptable and friendly then "ger" I don't mind the "gga" even though I see no need for it. It's something I've come to accept:

Well, I've made my point about that: Someone black (or not black) could use the term "effing black slave" on someone else and I wouldn't find it cute or spiritually healthy. Someone could then try and modify the term by dropping the "g" to call that same person an "effin black slave" instead. I still wouldn't find it cute or spiritually healthy.

To me it's because there still isn't a level playing field. Take miss black America. Do you know how hard it is to be black in those pageants? Black women rarely make the top 20. The whole contest is sorta rigged against you as you're being judged on western beauty standards opposite of features you actually have. So it makes sense to want to even things by separating. I mean a 8 year old wouldn't compete with a 20 year old.

Originally Posted by naturaldoll

copied from Wikipedia (The foremost authority on all things "
"since the crowning of Vanessa Williams in 1984, 28% of Miss America pageant winners have been black[2] while only about 14% of the general populace is black, so the question arises as to how they can be considered still underrepresented, given those numbers." So it appears black women are actually gaining a foot hold, at least in the Miss America pageant.

To me it's because there still isn't a level playing field. Take miss black America. Do you know how hard it is to be black in those pageants? Black women rarely make the top 20. The whole contest is sorta rigged against you as you're being judged on western beauty standards opposite of features you actually have. So it makes sense to want to even things by separating. I mean a 8 year old wouldn't compete with a 20 year old.

Originally Posted by naturaldoll

copied from Wikipedia (The foremost authority on all things "
"since the crowning of Vanessa Williams in 1984, 28% of Miss America pageant winners have been black[2] while only about 14% of the general populace is black, so the question arises as to how they can be considered still underrepresented, given those numbers." So it appears black women are actually gaining a foot hold, at least in the Miss America pageant.

Originally Posted by noritaarf

It's still a uphill battle. And I stand ny what I said, I watch the pageants. Usually if that year there are a lot of black contestants there will be a black winner. But most years there aren't a lot, and the few there don't get far. Did you this year's u.s.a pageant? Only one contestant of color and it isn't even clear what color she was. With the Wikipedia article, I don't know if that's true but Wikipedia isn't the best source, as it can be edited by anyone. But even if it is correct, our dempgraphics don't change year to year, why do the Pageants? To me things will look more fair when the pageants reflect reality, 14% of the top 15 (the girls with a real shot) black every year consistently. And not as tokenism, for the judges to actually independently choose 14% every single year, no more all white years. To me this sounds like the "why is there no white history month? " question. Because every month is white history month! In the pageant system damn near every pageant every year is the miss white America pageant. So rather than accept being tossed a bone once every few years, we started our own where we compete fairly.

I've been asked things like this before because I attended a historically black college. A lot of these organizations were founded out of necessity because we couldn't attend other colleges or we couldn't belong to the group because we were black. They were developed to foster networking and allow us the same opportunities that were being denied to us. So now that we are "allowed" to join the other groups should we just tear down our alma mater or end an organization? These groups weren't really started so that we remain separate, they were started so that we could foster equality.

I have always wondered about this and maybe you guys can answer "why is this okay?" At my job there is "the Coalition of Black Fire Fighters", in our town there is the "Black Rodeo", The "Black Chamber of Commerce", and of course "Miss Black America". How is this okay? If we organized a "Coalition of White Fire Fighters" and told black fire fighters they were not welcome at our meetings that are held in tax funded firestations there would be public outcry. If we had a beauty contest and specially told black women they were not allowed in "our" beauty contest, there would be public outcry. So, why is it okay for blacks to exclude whites, but not okay for whites to exclude blacks? Doesn't this just perpetuate a division of the races?

Honestly I still use the n word. Mostly when somebody is being stupid. Whether they r black or white. It's just what I wad raised on. However I just don't walk around using the word either because I know many ppl who are offended by it. I put in another thread that an older white lady kept on calling me a dumb N at McDonald's. And she got mad that I didn't get offended. But when I said "yo mama" she got mad lol. I think we need to take the power from racist words like that. Yes they are or can be offensive. However I know that when confronted with the word, not stooping to their level is the most rewarding way to confront it.

It doesn't hurt me when I hear a white person calling somebody a N cuz that just let's me know they r still holding on to the past. Trying to use that or any word against me just makes me laugh because I see what type of person they r. Of course I know many people who despise that word, I understand that. Especially those who grew up in the era where blacks were openly discriminated against. But we take away the negative power over the word when we come back at it with class.

Honestly I still use the n word. Mostly when somebody is being stupid. Whether they r black or white. It's just what I wad raised on. However I just don't walk around using the word either because I know many ppl who are offended by it. I put in another thread that an older white lady kept on calling me a dumb N at McDonald's. And she got mad that I didn't get offended. But when I said "yo mama" she got mad lol. I think we need to take the power from racist words like that. Yes they are or can be offensive. However I know that when confronted with the word, not stooping to their level is the most rewarding way to confront it.

It doesn't hurt me when I hear a white person calling somebody a N cuz that just let's me know they r still holding on to the past. Trying to use that or any word against me just makes me laugh because I see what type of person they r. Of course I know many people who despise that word, I understand that. Especially those who grew up in the era where blacks were openly discriminated against. But we take away the negative power over the word when we come back at it with class.

How can I say goodbye P.L.G.

Originally Posted by B-Nessa11

I don't bother to educate those older then me on what's offensive because I've realized they were raised in the era of were being racist and killing a black person was acceptable. Even though I think what era you were born and raise shouldn't play an effect on your judgement of those with skin. It's kinda like with Paula Deen.

It doesn't hurt me when I hear a white person calling somebody a N cuz that just let's me know they r still holding on to the past.

Originally Posted by B-Nessa11

I overstand you not wanting to give the racist trolls any more attention and power than they already have. I feel the same way. I just don't think the answer is always to casually write off their behavior.

Adults are better equipped to handle these sorts of confrontations. I don't believe most kids, especially black kids, will (or should) take it casually when they are called a n****r by racists. I don't even think adults or anyone of any "color" should be expected to take it casually. And we set the example (assuming you're an adult).

It's not that WW3 needs to be waged every time a racist uses hate speech, but I think the more of us speak out against it each time it happens - even if it means making a joke that puts him/her in her place - it creates peer pressure on that person to STFU or think twice before being verbally abusive in public again (including to kids, who are prime targets since they can't fight back as easily). I mean, so many people have publicly complained about racists tossing n-bombs at people, that we all now get censored on forums for attempting to spell the word n****r. It truly is a pain in the ass (Geez I'm even able to write ass). Sure, it's censorship by any other name. But it's censorship that was encouraged by public consensus, it seems.

Yea I agree. I mean, I don't think it should just be brushed off by any means. In my case I definitely told her a little something but what made her mad is that I didn't blow up and act out or cuss her out.

Eta. I do think younger people should be more mindful of what they say. I believe many young black people are unaware of just how negative that word is. The younger generation is going to determine what's accepted in society. Sadly I don't see them taking a stand in matters like this.
I feel even sadder that I'm only 22 but I feel so old lol. I promise yall people born after '92 ain't got no sense. I was born n 90. It seems like they think EVERYTHING is ok
How can I say goodbye P.L.G.

B-nessa, sounds like we're basically on the same page w/a lot of this You make such a good point: being able to stand up to racists without stooping to their level or giving them the type of hysterical reaction they crave.

LOL I suspect every generation thinks the younger generation has lost its collective mind. Seems to me there are some really amazing things going on with the newer generation, but maybe, like the rest of us, they also have some hard lessons to learn.

I love the fact the newer generation is a little less homophobic, classist and racist. ... Well, no, I can't really say any of that is fact, can I?! Maybe it's just me being hopeful, but they hit me as a little more liberal when it comes to social politics. And certainly, your generation was hugely responsible for helping to elect a Halfrican pres

Yea the younger ppl do seem to be more liberal. And I think a lot of them are like me and really don't give a damn what other ppl do n their own lives. That's what I do lol. I'm jus like ok, well if u wana be gay then go ahead. I don't have to agree. I think there are way less racist young ppl. Probably because ppl are more open to learning about others. All blacks and whites aren't the same. And ppl atr realizing that.

Yea the younger ppl do seem to be more liberal. And I think a lot of them are like me and really don't give a damn what other ppl do n their own lives. That's what I do lol. I'm jus like ok, well if u wana be gay then go ahead. I don't have to agree. I think there are way less racist young ppl. Probably because ppl are more open to learning about others. All blacks and whites aren't the same. And ppl atr realizing that.

How can I say goodbye P.L.G.

Originally Posted by B-Nessa11

I don't see why people like my generation so much. I agree that we are more open-minded, not homophobic, and less racist.

My generation depends to much on our parents and the older generation gives us to many things without making us work for it.My parents are not like this, but every once and a while I hear a boy calling his mother a b**** for not getting him a new pair of sneakers or a girl fails a class for never doing her homework and then complains to her parents making the teacher get in trouble.

Heck I have teachers in their 50s trying to inspire us and the majority of kids will laugh at them and make snide comments. They are so fearless and that's because they know they can run to mommy and daddy if they get in trouble.

Ironically, there is a thread speaking about Paula Deen's "n" word comment. I think that, in collaboration with this topic, it makes a further valid point of why nobody should say it. Who knows her reasoning, but my point is, we can't get mad when a non-black person uses that word, yet the "n" word is used perdominately in a specific race. It shows lack of respect.

The other day, I was speaking to my friend who was venting to me about some drama in her life concerning her boyfriend. She is biracial, like me, and her boyfriend is black. She kept calling him a n***A. I then proceeded to tell her about this exact thread and what we are all discussing. To me, it was a perfect example of someone, who if they were to have been called the "n" word, would have been angry, yet when she was angry, she was able to drop the "n" word like it was saying 'hello.'

This thread helped me examine her thought process/beliefs on using the word. So I thank everyone for this great discussion.

Another layer of this problem is that blacks (and other minorities) claim to want to "move on" from being thought of as second class. However, their continued use of the word is only prolonging the divide. However, samanthacurlz, since you made reference to your being biracial, someday we will probably all be the same color. Probably not until after I'm dead (for the record I turn 41 in August) but it's only a matter of time.

Ironically, there is a thread speaking about Paula Deen's "n" word comment. I think that, in collaboration with this topic, it makes a further valid point of why nobody should say it. Who knows her reasoning, but my point is, we can't get mad when a non-black person uses that word, yet the "n" word is used perdominately in a specific race. It shows lack of respect.

The other day, I was speaking to my friend who was venting to me about some drama in her life concerning her boyfriend. She is biracial, like me, and her boyfriend is black. She kept calling him a n***A. I then proceeded to tell her about this exact thread and what we are all discussing. To me, it was a perfect example of someone, who if they were to have been called the "n" word, would have been angry, yet when she was angry, she was able to drop the "n" word like it was saying 'hello.'

This thread helped me examine her thought process/beliefs on using the word. So I thank everyone for this great discussion.

Originally Posted by Samanthascurlz

Good points! It makes no sense to adopt the word n***er (the destructive baby monster it is) when it seems convenient, then complain when someone else uses it as they will. The old "do as I say, not as I do" argument doesn't work and never worked.

In reaction to what your friend does, I confess (as someone biracial like y'all): I reserve a special, high place on my s**t list for biracial ppl who hurl n***er at black people I think the reason is that I'm never quite sure whether that person is seeing themselves as just black when they say it (One Drop Ruling themselves), or if they are thinking of their own whiteness (or non-blackness) and therefore are genuinely being racist (to try and separate themselves from their black ilk). Either way though, it's both self-deprecating and demeaning to others so it's pretty tacky. Someone multi-cultural or biracial could choose to embrace the good stuff about their heritages, rather than trash one or more. I think some of us mixed types struggle w/it, despite being relentlessly stereotyped as the future ambassadors of positive race relations. Some real pieces of work roam among us LOL

Another layer of this problem is that blacks (and other minorities) claim to want to "move on" from being thought of as second class. However, their continued use of the word is only prolonging the divide.

Originally Posted by bobby

I'm confused Bobby. Didn't you say you're OK with an Italian calling another Italian D**o? Italians - especially the darker ones whose Moorish ancestry clearly shows - also suffer discrimination in the US. In fact, many in the white community still separate themselves from Italians and look down on them because they aren't seen as white enough or smart or classy enough.

Ironically, there is a thread speaking about Paula Deen's "n" word comment. I think that, in collaboration with this topic, it makes a further valid point of why nobody should say it. Who knows her reasoning, but my point is, we can't get mad when a non-black person uses that word, yet the "n" word is used perdominately in a specific race. It shows lack of respect.

The other day, I was speaking to my friend who was venting to me about some drama in her life concerning her boyfriend. She is biracial, like me, and her boyfriend is black. She kept calling him a n***A. I then proceeded to tell her about this exact thread and what we are all discussing. To me, it was a perfect example of someone, who if they were to have been called the "n" word, would have been angry, yet when she was angry, she was able to drop the "n" word like it was saying 'hello.'

This thread helped me examine her thought process/beliefs on using the word. So I thank everyone for this great discussion.

Originally Posted by Samanthascurlz

Good points! It makes no sense to adopt the word n***er (the destructive baby monster it is) when it seems convenient, then complain when someone else uses it as they will. The old "do as I say, not as I do" argument doesn't work and never worked.

In reaction to what your friend does, I confess (as someone biracial like y'all): I reserve a special, high place on my s**t list for biracial ppl who hurl n***er at black people I think the reason is that I'm never quite sure whether that person is seeing themselves as just black when they say it (One Drop Ruling themselves), or if they are thinking of their own whiteness (or non-blackness) and therefore are genuinely being racist (to try and separate themselves from their black ilk). Either way though, it's both self-deprecating and demeaning to others so it's pretty tacky. Someone multi-cultural or biracial could choose to embrace the good stuff about their heritages, rather than trash one or more. I think some of us mixed types struggle w/it, despite being relentlessly stereotyped as the future ambassadors of positive race relations. Some real pieces of work roam among us LOL

Originally Posted by Korkscrew

I COMPLETELY agree!! May I ask what you are mixed with? I am half black and half portuguese. I feel all my life I never felt a strong sense of identity. So I relate to what you posted.