Wednesday, March 6, 2013

My Certain Super Special Someone and I connected with a co-worker of mine who has a vacation home in southern Vermont, close to Mt. Stratton and Mt. Snow this past weekend. It was for all intents and purposes free, and my co-workers brother (works at the Mt. Snow summit lodge) offered 1/2 price lift passes. Kind of a tough deal to pass up.

We left early on friday, and got to the house at around 7. We turned off the main road onto the road the house is on, and were immediately met with a wall of mud. He neglected to mention that the road to the vacation house was a 1/3 mile dirt road with an average grade of 10%. It's winter, the road was plowed, but had ice, snow, and mud. My 4WD made it NP with some slipping, It just would have been nice to know.

So The GPS tells us we arrived, and I turned into the drive way. It was pretty much dark, but the house looked like the pictures. I got out, tried the key, didn't work. No cell service. A bit perplexed, I toured around the house to see if there was another door. Of course, it's dark in the foothills of the green mountains, there is very little light pollution, and the house is built into a hillside with a few feet of snow. After a few minutes I happened to shine the light on the house number - it wasn't the right house. While rooting around the outside of the house, I happened to see a neighbor who had just gotten in, shoveling his walkway. The houses are about 100 feet apart or more. So I got back into the car and drove over to him and asked for the address. He pointed us to the right house, which was on the other side of his house from where we were, and added the comment "you can't trust GPS out here".

Finally, got into the house, got settled, cooked, and then proceeded to attempt to defile as many rooms as possible. After my 50 year-old libido cried uncle, we headed for a hot shower before crashing. No water. We searched the house and turned on every valve we could find, no luck. Try to call the owner, still no cell service. Tried the house phone to call the owner - house phone blocks outgoing calls.
Panicking slightly.
Owner must have received some notification I tried to call and he called back. Turns out we needed to turn on breakers for the pump and water heater. That info was in the email that had the info about the dirt road, I'm sure.

Next day, we went to the ski area to pick up the passes left by owner of house for us. They had no passes for us, and had never heard of the owner. Since we had cell service, I checked his emails - For some reason, I had gotten it into my mind that he works at Mt. Stratton. My first clue was when I told the ticket agent the my friend worked at the summit lodge, and she replied, "we don't have a summit lodge".

So, off to Mt Snow we went. No Biggie, it's only about ten miles. At Mt. Snow, they had the passes for me and I also talked with the guy about purchasing a snow board rental. He gives me the total and I hand him my debit card.

hand him my debit card.

hand him my debit card.

hand him my......WHERE'S MY FUCKING DEBIT CARD?!?!?!?

I hand him my credit card, then head back to the car and dig for the debit card. No luck...

"where did you use it last?"
"the ATM back home when I pulled out some cash"
"did you leave it in the machine?"
.
.
.
.
"yes"

I proceed to get angry with myself, calling myself names I generally reserve for fox news channel personalities. My Certain Super Special Someone got a bit agitated and told me to stop being so mean to myself.

"This is the third time since I've known you that I've lost my ATM card"
"So what? It's no big deal"
"OK, how many times have you _ever_ lost your ATM card?"
.
.
.
"never"
"OK?? let me be pissed at myself..."

I collect myself, realizing there is nothing I can do about it now. We go skiing.

Now, I've never downhill ski'd before.

I've never snowboarded before.

This should work out juuuuuust fine.

My Certain Super Special Someone is a snow bunny from way back. I could see her getting cold and bored watching me entertain the other adults and children on the beginner slope, so I suggest she go ski. In the meantime, I practice, eventually taking the 100 yard long lift to the top of the learning section.

My Certain Super Special Someone eventually came back, just as I was making it down the slope without falling for the first time. I give that a couple more runs, then we decide I should graduate to a green trail. If you've never snow boarded before, the big problem is speed. You have no control if you have no speed. So I ask her if one of the green trails was long enough that I could get going for a little while.

"There's a green trail that starts at the top of the mountain and goes all the way down."
"the top, huh?"
"yeah, if you're not ready..."
"and it's green?"
"yeah, but really, if you're not ready..."
"let's go".

I'm probably one of the few people that day that took longer to get _down_ the mountain than I took getting up, including standing in the lift line. I fell quite a few times, and spent most of the ride going sideways to keep my speed down. But, I made it. My Certain Super Special Someone has video and pictures somewhere. I’m sure there will be a FB post eventually. My first day with a snow board - or _ever_ on a mountain for skiing - and I made it down from the top with little more than a bit of soreness from muscles I generally don't use. We indulged in a celebratory beer before we headed back to the house.

In an effort to be horribly and pathetically romantic, I made surprise dinner reservations at the best restaurant I could find in the area. All I told My Certain Super Special Someone was that she needed to dress for dinner. Leaving the house, I realize I left my car keys inside somewhere. I decided to use the hide-a-key rather than rummage around the house since we were already running a bit late (blatant foreshadowing).

The dinner was great, though the server could use some people-skills training. We got the distinct impression she wouldn't handle it too well if I reversed the positions of the forks. My Certain Super Special Someone had frogs legs - yes, real frogs legs. I had duck. She wanted to make a facebook post that said "I have frog in my teeth", but again, no cell service.

We got home from dinner at around 11. I couldn't find the key holder in the dark, we were tired, and had split a bottle of wine between us, so I just left the key on the dash board. I inadvertently locked the car door by habit when I got out. We go to the house, and I realized I left the house key in the car.

House key locked in the car.

Car key locked in the house.

It's 11:30PM, during the winter in vermont. My Certain Super Special Someone is wearing a dress. We have no cell service. I try every accessible window and door from the ground level with no luck. My Certain Super Special Someone starts to understandably get very anxious and stressed. She asks if I think I get up to the deck.

Hell, why not.

I start scaling the building to get to the deck. This is after a day of snowboarding and a full dinner with a couple glasses of wine, and wearing dress clothes. I fall off the deck on the first attempt, earning a bloody shin scrape in the process. I make it on the second try and find an unlocked window. We're in.

Such Silliness

lifeistoofuckeduptotakeseriously

Welcome to the Blog Of Zencycle, the fantastic new super hero of the current economic slump.
Now, some folks say he looked like Rudy Giuliani
Some others say, 'bullshit, man, He's just another greasy guy who happened to be born in the basement of The Captain's Lounge in Revere, right beside the autographed copies of the Kinsey Reports in the bathroom where Paris flushed away her stash but the cops got her anyways'.
Still others say, 'Piss on you, Jack! He's just a crazy Mick who rode a black mountain bike'.
You see, no one really knows for sure
Because
He is so, He is so, he is so!
Mystery-uuuus!
He is so, He is so, he is so!
Mysterious!
Some men say he could ride
Some men say he could swim
Others say he could sing like Freddie Mercury,
And all the girls in Brockton are amazed by him!
Ladies and Gentlemen: THE ZENCYCLING COSMIC PRAYER FOR GUIDANCE featuring Tyler Hamilton, hit it!
“Let me tell you brother, it doesn't mean thing, if you haven't got the ability to SPIN!”
Consider this rumor, published three weeks ago in ROLLING STONE (Oh, it's gotta be true!):
Zencycle can write the Lord's Prayer on the head of a pin!
YOU DON'T SAY!?!?
(I'm so hip!)