NEW HERE.....Anyone????

Feeling like maybe i shouldn't be here in this group :/....I'm an adopted adult but didn't happened legally.... don't know my birth family.I'm also a birthmother that has recently reunited with my son. He's 18 and a male. I was hoping to find any adopted males that I could chat with in here? I'm so excited he is in my life...but i don't know how he is feeling.I'm not sure what piece of the puzzle i am and it's bothering me alot. I know I should be thankful that i have met him....I just don't know how not to act like a mother to him? All my emotions want to mother him. Any insight would be greatly appreciated. Thanks

Hi I am an adopted adult and only found out last year but I would imagine it would be rather a lot for a teenage boy to take in.
Don&#039;t be bothered if you can help it though i know how hard it is for you.Give him time to get used to the idea of two mums and all the emotions that go with being adopted.
I have learnt that the slower you go the better and a relationship has to develop like any other before he may feel safe to tell you how he is feeling.I think it is important to build a solid rock of foundation in a relationship so if you have hard times you both have a solid base to fall to.
You can of course let him know what he can or can&#039;t ask about and you can work out what you can give to him.Don&#039;t forget he is a teenage boy.A hard time for anyone let alone the complications of adoption.
Hope this helps a little.

Thank you for your advice...and you are right mouse8844 taking it slow is a good idea.I just want to let him know how much he is loved and there wasn&#039;t a day i didn&#039;t think about him. Hopefully i will get that chance.

roxyfly,
When I was 18 I sure could have used some quality mothering. Instead I got tangled up with mother substitutes, otherwise known as girlfriends. Of course alot of that was the result of the inevitable confusion that comes out of the transition from adolescence to manhood. It can be a tricky time for a guy. Being pulled in two directions. Peer pressure which is even greater now than when I was 18, is yet another pull on a young man. Teens today have additional pressures that were not relavent a few decades ago.
If I was the boy-man in question, I&#039;d want to make most of the moves in the new relationship. I&#039;d want to be able to check it out at my own pace and in my own way. But at the same time I would want to know that my mom was there- available but not needy. I think we might be talking about a kind of slow courtship process here. Day at a time kind of thing.

I wish you the best. This kind of thing has been known to get too intense. You might consider dropping a hint about reunion counseling if you have any in your area. My advice is to take it slowly and mindfully. Just let nature take its course.

roxyfly,
No, I don&#039;t know anything about my b-parents. My records were altered and destroyed in Texas. I&#039;m in my fifties, and I&#039;ve yet to feel like I have a true home. Home for me is an illusive dream. As a teen I was raised on the streets and in the &#039;flats&#039; of San Francisco. My kidhood was the stuff of bad fiction. But . . . we do survive!

Pastlight, Thank you I certainly don&#039;t feel very strong..i can&#039;t tell all of you how grateful am i to you and your responses. It&#039;s almost like i wish we had a place to actually meet. Although we would be there for hours..I&#039;m sorry to hear your childhood was rough. We do eventually survive you are right.

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