Sunday, January 29, 2017

Kellyanne Conway recently stood up for
“alternative facts”, and her boss, Donald Trump, stands with her and doubles
down. So what do I make of alternative facts? Well...

As
an amateur fantasy writer, I like to imagine perfect places for things. Now let’s
imagine the perfect place for alternative facts, and their tellers. The place
is perfect for alternative facts because it too is an alternative fact. It’s a
myth, a fable, an imaginary realm honored in story and song. Legend calls it
the home of many remarkable individuals. Conway and Trump would fit right in.
It’s a fiction, it’s metaphor, it’s a lie, but sincere. I don’t take it
literally, but I do take it seriously. It’s impolite to utter the place’s name,
so for now let’s call it the Land of Alternative Facts.

In
the Land of Alternative Facts, alternative facts rule because facts are stupid
things. Gaslighting makes sense there because the whole place is gas-lit. It’s
a fantasy world where exaggeration is accurate, hyperbole is truthful,
inconvenient truths are inoperative, the ruling class creates reality, and up
is down upon command. In that legendary realm, everything is negotiable. Folly
is wisdom, war is peace, poverty is wealth, slavery is freedom, and above all,
lies are truth.

By
now you’ve probably figured out some other names for the Land of Alternative
Facts. Kellyanne Conway and Donald Trump belong there; they deserve it; for
although it doesn’t really exist, still if it did exist then they’d happier
there than they are here. It’s their kind of place. And many would be happy if
they went there.

So
they should go there. They should go straight there. And they should take their
alternative facts with them.

Postscript:
On
Alt

“Alternative
facts” shortens to “alt-facts”; this, with alt-right, suggests “alt” as a new
prefix.

I
propose that it means ‘fraudulent’ or ‘bogus’. Thus the alt-right tells
alt-facts about Trump’s alt-majority, and cites alt-statistics for his
alt-promises and alt-policies.

U. Donald Trump is
unprincipled, autocratic and a friend of autocrats.

V. Donald Trump is
deep in debt, and in thrall, to foreign powers.

W. Donald Trump
conspired with a foreign autocrat to subvert a Presidential election.

X. Donald Trump
owns a global business empire, run by his children in a transparently unblind
trust; so since taking office, he has had conflicts of interest that span the
globe.

Y. Donald Trump
has refused to end his Trump Old Post Office Hotel lease; so since taking
office, he has been in violation of Federal law.

Z. Donald Trump is
openly receiving financial favors from foreign leaders; so since taking office,
he has been in violation of the Emoluments Clause of the Constitution. (Article
1, Section 9, Clause 8.)

Therefore be it resolved:

That Donald J.
Trump is unfit to be President of the United States, and must be removed from
that office.