Hi, internets! How has life been? Mine has been busy, but then again, isn’t everyone’s life busy? Lately I’ve had a lot of internal turmoil to deal with… too much emotion, too much negativity. So I’m trying to tell my self this throughout the day:

I am a ball of light. I am my own radiant energy, my own source of happiness and peace. I do not rely on anyone else’s light to make me happy. I want to be positive, I want to be happy, I want to be bright. All negativity that’s directed at me will be deflected away by my ball of light – it will not be absorbed. And when other people encounter my ball of light, it will undoubtedly shine on them and only do good.

I don’t know why this ball of light thing seems to make sense to me… basically, I want to be happy, and not bogged down by my own negativity and that of others. I feel that if I just work on my own inner light, it will radiate out and positively affect others, while still being a constant source of energy and happiness for me. I can’t rely on others to make me happy, and I can’t try to make them happy… I can just feed my ball of light, and shine through my life in that way. Does this make any sense at all?

In theory, it works. Yesterday I was able to maintain my focus on that ball of light until about mid-afternoon, and then I lost it. I once again became annoyed, frustrated, grumpy. But today is a new day, and my ball of light is in my hands.

So my far-away friend Wei-Wei tagged me for a little meme, in which I share seven random things about myself. Here we go:

Seven Things

I treat myself every weekday morning to a tall soy no whip mocha from Starbucks. I used to feel bad about buying my coffee from a chain shop, and about spending the money. But my friend Lindsay helped me realize that it’s something I like, something I look forward to, and so it’s OKAY. My barista knows my name and my order. :)

I am addicted to Pinterest. When I actually have time to read blogs, I pin and pin and pin.

I’ve always wanted to dye crazy colors in my hair. So I added pink and blue strips. But meh. I’m dying it back to dark brown. (At least I tried, right?)

I have a new-found adoration for bi bim bap and banchan thanks to my friend Sandra. And I learned how to say “thank you” in Korean. (Kamsahamnida!)

I seriously need some new clothes, but shopping just doesn’t sound fun, which is very weird for me. I don’t even feel like going shoe shopping. Maybe if it wasn’t 106 degrees outside, I’d feel like trying on fall clothes.

It’s so weird that you said you’ve been going through internal issues because I feel the same way lately and can’t figure out why. Every night before I go to sleep I just get all emotional and feel like I didn’t really live that day to the fullest…So frustrating, but I can’t figure out how to change it!

I have that problem too! And especially on Sunday evenings. I HATE going to bed because I never feel like I accomplished enough that day. But Justin always helps me by saying, you did so much today! You did this and this and this… I just don’t see it that way until he points it out to me. I dunno what I’d do without him. But I hope you start feeling better soon, too!

Yes, Darius always does that same thing to me! Good thing we both have level-headed, incredibly loving husbands! Sometimes when I’m feeling down, I just tell him, “Tell me good things” and then he does.

i completely concur that you should deflect negativity by any means possible. ball of light makes perfect sense to me! : ) i’m a huge fan of bi bim bap also! yum. as for fall clothes. the 106 heat wave here in No Cal hasn’t stopped me from crafting a look book of lovely fall pieces. thinking of cooler weather is a necessary distraction.

hope you find reprieve and continue to create anti-negative repellent!

Is your look book online? Do you cut out from catalogs? I do both, ESPECIALLY with fall clothes! Love love love. Even though it never really gets cold enough here to justify buying a lot of fall clothes. :)

i do both. still futzing with evernote. and absolutely i cut from catalogs! it gets wet and cold here for a few short months so i live it up in fun tights, svelte turtlenecks, mandarin cardigans, page boy caps + boots or booties for as long as i can! : )

Doh! Yep, I changed it back last night. Well, I left the blue in. :) You know what you need? You need a big dose of Eskies to unravel your knots. I’m sending fierce “hurry up” thoughts to Logan’s film crew so that you can come home sooner. Miss you. :(

NO NO!! WAIT I WANT TO SEE THE COLORS! I LOVE YOU AND YOUR IDEAS. Wish I could be as carefree and fun loving as you! you know what…..I think sometimes it is funny because you say you want to change things and sometimes who you are, but the funny thing is….sometimes I wish I could be you.

I totally neglected to take a photo of the highlights, and I dyed it dark brown last night. But I left in the blue… I’ll try to remember to get Justin to take a photo of it! Also, as for the mantra, it’s kind of funny, because now whenever I feel negativity coming on, or want to gossip, or get annoyed, I say out loud, “Ball of light! Ball of light!” ;)