I'm meaning to share a laugh and kvetch about it, not make anyone upset...please feel free to take this down if it's against rules!

I was eating a sandwich in the NICU/Maternity shared waiting room at our hospital and met a stranger who was waiting for her grandson to be born. She asked if I was visiting, and I said, "Yes, my son is in the NICU."
"How old was he?"
"28 weeks."
"Oh!"

She was then joined by another member of her family, and after talking for a few minutes with them said, "Well, HER [my] baby was born way, way too early.." Then she brought her attention back to me with a, "What happened?"
"I got very severe preeclampsia."
"What's that?"
"Your blood pressure skyrockets, it's a pregnancy induced condition."
"Wow...so do they think you'll be able to have any more children?"

Look, lady, we've been doing this for three weeks and I am just able to say my son's name without bursting into tears. I will discuss future pregnancies with a perinatologist and my husband when we're ready...and why are you interested, anyway?!

HUGS She was probably just making conversation and did not take the time to think about her question be so rude and unthoughtful. I know how hard and scary preeclampsia can be it is why I had to deliver early after 4 weeks on hospital besrest this last time. I have had it 4 times and it sucks but a lot of people have never heard of it before. Hopefully, it will only effect you in your 1st pregnacy as is often (though not always as I am living proof) the case.

The silliest thing anyone has ever asked me is "don't you know what condoms are?" the last few times we decided to add to our family.

Not so much asked, but when I told another mom of twins that mine were born at 29 weeks, she told me "Oh, that's nothing! My friend's twins were born at 19 weeks and they were less than a pound each but they are fine now! 29 weeks is great!"

Um, OK, you HAD babies. Do you actually not get that what you just said is just about impossible?

Betsy, mama to beautiful, strong MZ twins Lillian and Kate, born 11 weeks early on January 10, 2006.

dd was about 6w old (34w GA) and the NICU nurse told me that no long-term Nicu babies went home on breastmilk so I should just stop pumping now. I was on the verge of giving up pumping b/c of supply issues- the reason I even talked to her about it- and her callous offhand comment gave me the resolve to prove her wrong!

The one comment made by a stranger that made me feel great was when I had dd in her pouch at the market. A clerk loved the pouch and told me that my little girl was so "compact"! I loved that description !

My daughter will be 4 tomorrow, and she's very small for her age (I'm petite too though.) I was talking with a dad at her ballet class and somehow it came up that she was early. he asked how early, how big, etc. I told him she was 4 pounds at birth and he made a comment about how his wife probably would have loved having a 4 pound baby instead of the 6.5 pound baby she had, because it wouldn't have hurt as much.

I told him (kindly, but in no uncertain terms) the story of her complicated and fairly traumatic birth and her 23 day long NICU stay.

Lousli, my mom just said the same thing yesterday. Last month my 29w 6d son caught up to three month old babies born at term. He was one month and 4 days corrected. She said that he is a big boy and that I am lucky that he was not born at term. No, I wanted a 4 lb baby and 58 days at three different hospitals! Not to mention the 20 days that I spent hospitalized! If Christmas was not this week I would not speak to half of my family, because of their stupid and insensitive comments, for a very long time.

Even thought most of the world does not understand, it is nice that the mothers here do. Thanks all for the support. Without it I think I would go crazy.

The silliest thing anyone has ever asked me is "don't you know what condoms are?" the last few times we decided to add to our family.

Ha ha. Yeah. Levi was only our third and we got alot of, "Was this planned?" With that incredulous tone of voice that suggests they are certain a third child must be an "accident." Now when they hear the whole story of what we went through with the in uterine surgery and the preterm birth and 7 weeks in the hospital, we either get, "So you're done now?" or "Can you have more?" or something along those lines. As if we are in the frame of mind right now with a 4 month (1 month adjusted) old preparing for a spring full of surgeries to decide if we're having more children.

We also get people asking if he'll be left-handed since it was his right hand that was more affected by the ABS. Yeah. Because I can tell if he's going to be left or right handed. Check back with me when he's 2 and we might have more of an answer for ya. Lol.

Lousli, my mom just said the same thing yesterday. Last month my 29w 6d son caught up to three month old babies born at term. He was one month and 4 days corrected. She said that he is a big boy and that I am lucky that he was not born at term. No, I wanted a 4 lb baby and 58 days at three different hospitals! Not to mention the 20 days that I spent hospitalized! If Christmas was not this week I would not speak to half of my family, because of their stupid and insensitive comments, for a very long time.Even thought most of the world does not understand, it is nice that the mothers here do. Thanks all for the support. Without it I think I would go crazy.

Oh, yeah the insensitive comments from strangers are hard..but when it comes from family--oh, that is such a drag. what I think is rich is when I have confronted my mother on her insensitivity she is completely reactionary because...drum roll.....she is super sensitive! Oh, I see, it is good enough for you but not for me... ah family. your mom is lucky it is Christmas.

hugs & Merry Christmas!

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background- dd put her foot in the birth canel and caused me to dilate. Emergency c section you bet. To deliver a 24 weeker footling breech would certainly kill her.

"If you were dilated, why did you have a c section??"
I got this on MDC by my ddc and someone IRL.

"Well you must be getting great sleep since your baby is in the nicu"

"You dont need to start pumping for a few days dear, when your milk comes in" the nurse after Maggie was born. No, you start in 20 minutes which I did.

"Why can't you come for Easter dinner? You dont have to see her everyday..."

"Why cant my kids come to visit???"

"Oh, that wristband, did you go to a St Patricks day party last night" with a wink wink. "No my dd is in the NICU and that is my pass to get into the unit." I have never seen someone want to flush themselves down the toilet so bad like this poor lady did before. I remember sharing this story the next day w another nicu dad. He said- you should have said- No, its free drinks for nicu parents!!"

"The true joy of life is the trip. The station is only a dream. It constantly out distances us."

DH and I were checking out of the hospital. My heart was on the floor and I couldn't believe I was leaving the hospital with only a bouquet of flowers and a helium balloon that screamed "Its a Boy". DH went to bring the car around and I sat in a wheelchair in my room. A few cleaning ladies came in and asked why I was crying. I explained that my kiddo was in the NICU after being born at 31 weeks. One cleaning lady told me not to be so upset, her friend had a baby who DIED! I felt ashamed and angry all at the same time.

I *hated* it when people commented on how small DS was. His weight was a constant concern for the first year of his life. His weight gain was mind numbingly slow the first 6 months of his life...to the point I would have shoved a McDs quarter pounder with cheese down this throat if I thought it would have helped. Every little gain was monumental. To call him "small" took away from all the gains he had made since his birth.

Just read back my thread and its a downer. Trying to think if I have any "funny" stories to add. Um.....I know I do...will get back to you!

My husband's parents repeatedly told us to hire a nanny or "just figure it out" when we asked them for help with our older boys while I was in the hospital on bed rest and when Zephan was in the NICU.

They were unwilling to be inconvenienced even a little to help with our kids once in a while. They just didn't get it at all. Our family spent most of two months at the hospital. When my sister-in-law's daughter broke her arm and went to the hospital for the afternoon, they dropped everything to go to be at her bedside. My husband is really hurt by all of this.

It is annoying and frustrating that they think we could afford a nanny around the clock for a few months - although that would have cost much more than we have sitting around! And then as if to make themselves feel better, they would say "we're sure everything will be fine".

On a lighter note, our middle son Micah was a preemie and is still very small for his age, but he eats massive quantities of food. We seldom eat fast food, but we were moving around the time he turned one and we went to mc donalds for dinner and he did eat a whole quarter pounder with cheese, even though he still weighed like 17 pounds!

The whole thing is wierd. I'm at a spot now where we are out and about (a little!) with my son who is 5 weeks old but who weighs just over 5 pounds. I have lost most of my pregnancy weight and don't look like I just had a newborn. So we get a lot of comments, from "there's a new one, how old is he?" to "you look great for just having a baby"...all normal stuff but the answers are complicated.

He's one month old, but he should still be in my tummy for another month...

I remember after having a c section, leaving the hospital 48 hrs later to see my baby in the nicu. The head nurse came over and asked DH when "the mother" was coming in. I said- I am here. She said, oh I didnt think you were the mother, you dont look like you just delivered. Believe me, I would take some more stretch marks and get huge over the war wounds we have now.

DH added- the chaplain came over and said- "So do you know how this happend??" I answered in my smart arss way- No, your the one so close to God, maybe you can tell us.

"The true joy of life is the trip. The station is only a dream. It constantly out distances us."

Not so much asked, but when I told another mom of twins that mine were born at 29 weeks, she told me "Oh, that's nothing! My friend's twins were born at 19 weeks and they were less than a pound each but they are fine now! 29 weeks is great!"

Um, OK, you HAD babies. Do you actually not get that what you just said is just about impossible?

I just had the opposite conversation with a lady at my church. She was asking why Lilly was so small and when I said she was a preemie, she said "Wow, we are going to have so much in common since I had a preemie too!" It ends up her ds was born three days before his due date and weighed over 12 lbs. He didn't have any medical problems and never left her sight.

My sister in law, who was due three weeks before me, had the nerve to complain about bedrest. Sorry that I was not on bedrest for 2 months, 12 days was enough, but I would take it any day over having a 29d 6w preemie with all the worries and a 58 day hospitalization. Bed rest is a pain and I cannot imagine 2 months of it but it is a short time out of your life to have a healthy baby. I know that research is not conclusive on the subject but unless you have lived in the NICU then do not complain to someone who has. Many moms here have had to go on bedrest and have experienced the NICU.

I remember after having a c section, leaving the hospital 48 hrs later to see my baby in the nicu. The head nurse came over and asked DH when "the mother" was coming in. I said- I am here. She said, oh I didnt think you were the mother, you dont look like you just delivered.

I had a similar experience when I had myself discharged 36 hours after dd's birth to go with her to the children's hospital for her surgery. I walked into her room and the nurses were "waiting" for the mom. They were surprised to find out that was me, lol. It was in dd's chart that she was c/s and I was practically running in there to see my baby. I guess not many c/s moms are up and running around so soon? Hard to believe since the CH has so many really critical babies but whatever.

During my c/s with ds (16 years ago!), the doctor told me that I had almost no fat in my abdomen That comment was odd but I took it as a compliment.

And while I was in ante-partum in the hospital (still pg with dd) they had me NPO b/c I was going to have a c/s because of her position and my previous surgical scars. A resident came to talk to me and I begged her for some food! I had been there several days with nothing to eat except juice & jello. I plead my case insisting it must be bad for the baby if I were "starving", right? She took that opportunity to relate some "studies" performed by the Nazi's in the concentration camps about the lack of relationship between fetal health and mother's nutrition at my stage of pregnancy. I wish I could have thought to respond with the fact that my baby was stealing the calcium from my bones and teeth : I told my nurse about the conversation and I never saw that resident again.

NICU nurse here...but we've heard some doozie's from well intended family members. Many people have the idea that preemies are just like regular babies...just alot smaller. They don't even think of the issues that come with being a preemie.

Anyway...A few weeks ago it had snowed down here pretty good, for the first time in many, many years (Texas). We had a grandmother call the unit at 0200 in the morning and ask if we can bring her twin grandbabies outside and take pictures of their "first snow" She did not think this was out of line at all since they are "so big" now (they were 4.5 lbs...definintely bigger than their BW of 2.1 lbs...but still) and it was only for a "minute". When I tried to nicely explain that this was not going to happen...she got all pissy and hung up. Not to mention the idea of nurses carrying 2 small babies out the exit of the hospital at 2 in the morning...in the snow. Yeah that would be really fun to explain to my boss.

When Erin was in the NICU another NICU mama and I went downstairs for some coffee and over heard (not that it was hard) a woman crying saying that the nurse wouldn't let her see her new grandbaby because she was sick. Her son was ENRAGED and said that they should just storm the nursery and force the nurse to let her see the baby!

I can remember 3 things, the first two said by the bonehead who delivered my son at 30 weeks and the last by the neonatologist.

1) My son has just been delivered by c-section at 30 weeks. I'm still laying on the table in the OR and the doctor said something about how I'd have to have a c-section again if I have any more children. I mumble something about that I don't think I'm having any more. He then asks me if I want him to tie my tubes since he's in there anyway. Um, isn't that something I might like to think about longer than 15 seconds?? I've tried rationalizing this as maybe he thought I was planning on having a tubal or something but wouldn't I have brought it up if I was??

2) Dr. Bonehead comes into my room and says "The baby is doing good. You know, when I was a resident, we didn't even *try* to save babies born at 30 weeks." Again, I try to rationalize it as he must have been thinking how it's so great more babies have a chance now but I still think it was rude how he said it.

3) Neonatologist is concerned about my son's ability to hold up his head. Says "He could have any one of a number of neurological diseases from a list as long as my arm, none of which are treatable." DS had not been examined by a neurologist at this point, so I think this comment was premature and uncalled for. Neurologist ends up "diagnosing" DS with a big head...thankfully no problems at all. Neonatologist actually wrote me a letter to apologize for his comment.

My preemie is going to be 9 in May and I still remember each of these comments clear as a bell. People just don't realize the impact their words can have.

ooo i thought of another one staff in the hospital my son was in were talking strike when he was still in an incubator. had this happened, he would have had to be transferred to another hospital 5 hours away. I was of course devestated. His father was ok though. because, in his words, he would " take the baby and the incubater and ivs and everything and just bring him home in it." my little 2 pound baby!!!! we seperated right after the baby came home from the hospital.

My mother said something really stupid while we were in the NICU. My daughter had been on ECMO and we hadn't been allowed to touch her. When the day finally came and we held her for the first time we were so excited. My mom was in the chair and she said to the nurse "How come that lady is allowed to hold her baby, it's way smaller than Katrina?" The nurse replied "This is the first time she is holding her baby too, and she has been here almost 3 months"...oops!

I had a close friend have a baby a few days before Christmas. She was a day shy of 38 weeks. Her parents sent out an email about how she was "preemie-ish". I love these friends, but I wonder if that experiences like that lead some people out there to not understand that babies who are born more than a month early often face a lot of issues?