Single John Responds: "Help! My Boyfriend’s Best Friend Is in Love With Him"

Yesterday my BF (of 4 months, but we were serious quickly) told me that his female best friend (of 13 years) just confessed that she was in love with him. He never seriously thought about it and now he is completely confused with his feelings for me and for her. I'm devastated that he is confused and not certain about me anymore. I think she is being completely selfish to pull something like this. They hooked up 13 years ago as college freshman and been friends ever since. Why wasn't he good enough for her then? Why didn't she pull this stunt with his last serious GF? I think she is just used to getting her way and now that she isn't the center of his attention she went and did this to keep her control over him. What do I do? I've already poured my heart out to him and I can't imagine not being with him...

Is her name Joey Potter? Is his name Dawson? If so, you’re in deep sh*t. Necessity is the mother of invention, even when the things being invented (or cultivated) are emotions. She probably saw him getting all into you and realized she might be missing her shot.Yeah, she’s being selfish, but so are you if you’d rather him be with you if she’s the one he really wants to be with. Though it almost goes without saying, but all’s fair in love and war.

As for her timing, I can’t begin to speculate why she chose now as the time to bring up these feelings (again, it’s possible they just emerged when, for the first time she saw their relationship as realistically threatened). What I can speculate on is the BS idea that he never really thought about this before.

As a guy with a bunch of female friends, I know exactly who I’m into, who I’m not, and who is on my radar romantically. It would naive of me (and, presumably, of them) to assume that there wasn’t some underlying sexual tension in my friendships with women. Additionally, we tend to keep people around as “last resorts.” That’s why you get that little pang of worry every time a guy in your sphere gets married off, even if you’ve never been interested in him. It’s like, “oh, one more bites the dust.”

The thing about her playing a card like this is she can only play it once. Unfortunately, she’s decided to play it while he is dating you. Whether you really can’t imagine your life without this guy (which sounds a tad dramatic) or not, he’s got no right to leave you hanging, and you need to be cooler than the girl who waits around for a guy to decide.

It’s his loss, not yours.

Ever been in this situation? Do you have a Dawson to your Joey? How did you play the card?