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Thursday, June 9, 2016

Rules, Who?

Have you ever seen anything great happen when people follow
rules? By great I mean out-of-this-world, or path-breaking, or
crazy-innovative. Following rules can definitely result in excellence. In fact,
to some extent excellence maybe a result of following some set of rules. But I
highly doubt it can result in something that would change my life as I live it
today. Changing lives means bending or breaking rules. It means taking a
different path than the rest of everybody else. It means saying bye-bye to the
crowd. It means having the courage to stand up when you stand out.

The thought itself makes me cringe. The thought of breaking
rules. Not that I have never broken any rules. I totally have. But not enough.
And there is a reason why this thought makes me cringe. It makes me extremely uncomfortable
and reach out to my mind-space that I am not used to reaching out to. The
discomfort in merely articulating this thought process is indicative of how
deep-rooted our notion of following rules
is.

I think I am no exception. I think that most of us would
believe in following rules, give or take. We are taught this as kids. We are
conditioned to believe that is the way. We are rewarded for following rules. We
are punished for breaking rules. We are awarded for being like everybody else –
in actions, thoughts, ideas, appearance, you name it. We are laughed at when we
don’t blend. In fact, I am now doing the same with my kids now. I am
establishing rules for them. All day every day I am trying to make sure they
function within a set of rules. And I am beginning to question myself.

I am in no way trying to encourage the state of absolute
entropy. I am not trying to encourage anarchy either.

My limited point is, why rules? Why so many rules? Why rules
about what we do, what we don’t do, what we wear, how we dress, how we eat, how
we talk, how we look, how we react? I mean there are obvious reasons. Most of
the reasons will be hard to argue with. We follow rules for safety, coherence,
sanity, civility. But there is something fundamentally wrong if the unfamiliar makes
us cringe and uncomfortable and sometimes adversarial. I want my kids to be
safe. I don’t want them to break rules that will hurt them. I want to be
protective about them. I want everybody to like them. I want the world for
them. Anyway, that’s not the point. It doesn’t matter, pretty much at all, what
I want for them.

But how will they grow if they don’t break rules?

None of the innovations would have happened if we all
followed the rules. Innovations happen because people challenge, because people
are curious, because people question, and most importantly because somebody
decided to follow a path not chosen by the rest of us. Our lives change because
somebody decided to break the rules.

So while I don’t do it myself, just yet, I hugely admire
people who do. The breaking rules part. Unless of course, it is my kids. Then I
get mad because they broke “the rules.” I mean how can I not yell at them for
eating from the counter top as opposed to their plates. Because, you know,
those are the rules. I have tried hard to figure this out about myself. Figure
out my line. The line I can cross, and the line I can’t cross. When is it ok
for my kids to break my rules? And when is it not ok? I do know that one of my
lines in this regard is pertaining to health and safety. Anything that hurts
them or others and makes them unsafe is off limits. But what about the rest of
the rules? How do I deal with that? Should I want my children to conform to the
norms? Or should I encourage revolt? This question can get really hairy and controversial
in about 5 seconds. And I don’t have a good response for that. But at the end
of a rule breaking day, when it is dark and all the kids are tucked in, I can
chuckle to myself. And maybe feel a little proud. Feel proud that they broke a
rule today. Is that bizarre? Honestly though, with two toddlers and infant, I
have those moments often. They break rules. All. Day. Long. It is exhausting.
It drives me nuts. It makes me shout. So it doesn’t take much effort for them
to break the rules. But this kind of rule breaking as a silver lining. This
kind of rule breaking takes the face of innocence, that most of us lack. The naivety
of belief, of faith, that most of us lost long time ago. I look for that silver
lining, while I struggle with this decision for my kids. Because for most my
rules, my kids react with “Rules, Who?”