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Sunday, March 30, 2014

My Best friend has been diagnosed with an overgrowth of Candida - yeast throughout her body. Part of the solution for getting it under control is depriving the yeast of what it feeds on. She is off sugar, carbs, alcohol, dairy and anything processed. Tequila is ok for some reason. Being that she is my best friend and she is also the ring leader of most mayhem and adventures -

She declared that if she has Candida than I too must have it and therefore I too must adhere to this food plan. So I looked up the symptoms and maybe part of my cravings have something to do with the yeast...and like the moron I am, I agreed to go on the Yeast fighting adventure with her... so yeah..yesterday I was cranky and tired.

Today, we shall see what the day holds - its raining cats, dogs and donkeys today and I have a few work appointments and then we are hosting game night at our house...I'm hoping to be safe through game night and stick with tequila and hummus....uber healthy..

Have a great Sunday ~ I am grateful that I have a crazy best friend who is always on a wacky adventure.....

Friday, March 28, 2014

1. I was in a funk since Wednesday.... Partly because I was so friggen sore from that class that I couldn't face moving let alone working out.

2. A few of the things (work related) that I worked really hard to put together fell apart and one in particular felt like a kick to the gut.

3. This one two punch led to an unraveling in my head and a motivation fail. I ended up calling it a day on Wednesday at 3:00 and took to bed. Sometimes you have to wallow in self pity for a hot minute and then move on.

4. Yesterday - my mindset was "I don't wanna and I don't feel like it" - Resulting in violating my two rules - 1 being: go to the gym - it was cold as balls and I was sore and I didn't and the second rule: Don't be dysfunctional with food - I binged on cereal...

5. Today is a new day - I know that all of the drama comes from fear. I'm scared of failing in business - particularly since all the financial pressure is on me. I'm scared that I'm not good enough, I'm scared that I'll not be able to pay my bills now that I have bigger bills. I'm scared that I'll not be able to stay focused on my health, I'm just plain scared and worried

6. Worry - aint nobody got time for that - its not helpful and I have to stop it and continue to push forward.

7. So naturally a new phone cover with a sloth on it was the solution to my pain and worry.

Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Last Week - 192.4This Week - 191.0-----------------------Loss of 1.4 Yay! I wish it were moving faster but given my plan of "just go to the gym" and "don't be dysfunctional" - I'm pretty happy. Not dieting - just shifting my brain. And drinking a lot of water.Yesterday was the dreaded abs and glutes class - walking is painful today but its not as bad as last week - thats good news. No Snow this morning- so thats AWESOME! Just howling winds and 20 degree wind chills...yuck!

Yesterday I went shopping for a new bag and wallet ...I never have the urge to shop but for some reason my brain wanted to buy something so I took the day off and went to the outlets. Hello Ka*te S*pade. My new bag is the bomb.

Monday, March 24, 2014

Yesterday was the Montauk St Paddy's Day parade. It occurred to me that it was 20 years ago that I was a senior in High School partying like there was no tomorrow at the parade. Today as I was on the elliptical at the gym I was blasting Dr Dre for cool down - it occurred to me The Chronic is also 20 years old...I remember when I was kid in the 80s my mom blasting her music in the car from the 60s... I thought it was so lame. Could anyone think Dre is lame?? Of course not! 20 years have gone by! That totally blows me away. It makes me want to take better care of myself and make
the next 20 years really count. I have a long list of things to
accomplish and I plan on gettin 'er done.

Thinking about time passing got me to looking closely at my skin...today I had a facial and bought a bunch of face cream. I don't expect to reverse time but I'm hoping like hell to slow it down a bit. This weekend we had a 60 degree day - damn right I took Saturday afternoon off and went mountain biking - I swear spring is finally here - Below is a video of the woods with the peepers - I love that sound - even they think its spring....little do they know there is a major snow storm about to blast us tomorrow...

Tomorrow is Abs and Glutes with that horrible woman who will cripple me once again...I secretly like it.... shhhhhAnd a teaser...the scale is moving downward...I know I'll be seeing the 180s again soon....maybe not this week but soon....

Saturday, March 22, 2014

I got to thinking this morning, as one does as one is getting Jacked on coffee...Whatever I think ~ I become. The power of intention. Thinking positive. Actually works. I'm not saying that I have slayed that voice - the one that says I'm not good enough so why try. But I've managed to put it on mute for a while, by starting a habit and building off of that. I started going to the gym. I wasn't really focused on working out, I was focused on actually getting to the gym. The act of waking up early and physically dragging my butt to the gym. I started to become that person. You know, the one that just goes to the gym and that's what she does. Then I started to build off of that habit. The person that goes to the gym, doesn't also go to the store and binge in hiding on candy. Nope. She eats more or less healthy and doesn't have a dysfunctional relationship with food. She also is organized. So that's as far as I got.....Its a work in progress.Fix the mind and the body will follow - I have faith.Have a beautiful day!

Friday, March 21, 2014

1. Yesterday was painful - put I went to the gym at 7am and worked out like a boss2. Its was also the first day of Spring so a post work MTB ride was a must - short and sweet but that's working out 2x in one day - epic.3. My cravings are gone. :) 4. Haven't been dysfunctional with food in over 10 days. :)5. Roll on Spring 6. Its amazing how many of us are on the same trip these days - with the regain and recommitting. 7. It seems like its mostly bandsters that struggle with this - any Sleevers out there struggle with re-gain?8. Life is good9. Life is good10. I am Blessed

Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Operation develop habits is working...I've been reading a book called The Power of Habit these quotes are from that book:

"Once you understand that habits can change, you have the freedom - and the responsibility - to remake them. Once you understand that habits can be rebuilt, the power of habit becomes easier to grasp, and the only option left is to get to work."

"Will to believe is the most important ingredient in creating belief in change. And that one of the most important methods for creating that belief is habits"

"This is the real power of habit: the insight that your habits are what you chose them to be. Once that choice occurs - and becomes automatic - it's not only real, it starts to seem inevitable, the thing that bears us irresistibly toward our destiny.."

These three paragraphs blew me away last night....

So whats new on my end? Been going to the gym or mountain biking most days. Trying to work habits into becoming the change I want and the person I want to be. And its actually working....

Yesterday I took a glutes and abs class and had that oh shit feeling when an extremely buff German woman with short spiky blond hair strode into the room and proclaimed she was going to break us.....There were only three of us and now today walking up or down stairs, sitting and standing are my personal hell. But I got my ass up and went to gym - because its becoming a habit.

Habit building...seems to be helping. If I can automate my working out and eating right like I automate banking and paying bills ....hmmmmmm

Sunday, March 16, 2014

The mountain biker that goes to spin class with dried mud caked all over her shoes only to realize that is not a cool thing in that type of company.....HA!Spin review - Why are we peddaling like madwomen in the dark up an imaginary hill while Bananarama is blasting my eardrums out? Yeah - not for me. I did get my heart rate up and got pretty sweaty. When you are used to flying around the woods and pushing yourself up rocky loose hills to the point of almost vomiting and heart come flying out of your mouth - sitting in a dark room just isn't my bag baby... But - I'll prob go once more since I have one more free class. So theres that.

Friday - I took the day off from working out. And went car shopping instead.... In my industry people are judged by their car. Don't get me wrong I love my little subar*u but my clients are people who drive Range Rov*ers and fancy cars and the sad thing is to be taken seriously and to make them comfortable (my car is a stick and apparantly I make my passengers sea sick when I drive according to my husband....) I needed to step it up. So - New car as of Tuesday...so exciting... its a write off so I got something nice.... :) a little beemer suv.

Yesterday work was crazy - tis the season but I managed to get in a 1.5 hour MTB ride - it was warm and I made it a priority. Today - I'll prob ride again after work. If the temps don't drop too low or go to the gym. Having a gym buddy is the best.

Food - has been good - the girl scout cookies are all gone - thank god.

Life - also been good - operation habit building is working - I've been getting up at 5:45 most days and that seems to be very helpful with getting my mind right.

I really let myself go - being up close to 40 pounds from my lowest really is a lesson. Not sure about what but the universe makes you repeat lessons for a reason - I must not have gotten it the last 10 times.... ha.

I've started to turn it around - I'm not drinking more than 2 glasses of wine a week and have been pretty consistent with food - its a process. Its not as clean as I was post op 3 years ago but I feel good and its baby steps without feeling deprived.

The view from the house we were in when I realized I had to step up my car game...

Thursday, March 13, 2014

1.Yesterday I went to the gym for 7:30 - my gym buddy tried to bail but I told her I'd punch her through the phone if she didn't show.

2. We both showed up grumpy and blah - but got it done. We did abs for 15 mins after cardio - dang I'm sore this morning.

3. Habit building - day 3 - up at 5:30 - oil pulling - I've been doing this for a while it seems to make my skin brighter and is a way for me to focus in the morning4. Spin class at 7:30 - I hate indoor cycling but hell its 10 degrees out again...and the first two classes are free - I hope to survive.

5. Yesterday the girl scout cookies arrived....grrrrrrr. But I am here to report a victory...I didn't open them, and thought to myself that they really don't taste as good as I remember so best not to mess with it.

5a. I gave them to Mo - he hid them in his studio but gave me about 8 cookies in a pretty china bowl after dinner - at first I was pissed but then I was all - that's kinda cute, I enjoyed the cookies real civilized like (instead of scarfing down a box in the car and hiding the evidence). I was satisfied after the cookies were gone....he may be on to something.

5b. He knew if I didn't have some, I would obsess about them and then hunt them down and eat the shit out of them. He also knew that 2 fucking cookies would never satisfy me. 8 is the perfect number. I'm not counting calories just trying not to binge and be dysfunctional with food.

6. Habit building is going good - day 3 of getting up early was not as painful ~ a. not drinkingb. work out before workc. not bingingd. Making sure I have good food with me at all times and not let myself get hungry ~ this is part of battling the fear of being hungry - a long battle that is baseless but probably self created from years of dieting and starving myself.

7. I love watching CMT in the morning - its a habit I started last year when I realized the news was bullshit. But the Florida Georgia line are a tad bit cheesy these days...I can't help but laugh when the "how we roll" video comes on.

8. Work is crazy but this year is not as bad b/c Mo is home taking care of me and the dogs - I texted him that I was on my way last night and when I got home dinner was on the table. WOW! Love that guy!

9. Life is good - I have to remember to feel blessed.

10. Habit building at work is helping us to get a shit load of work done ~ I think I'm on to something!

Wednesday, March 12, 2014

I used to wake up at 5:45 every damn day and get my ass moving doing something - biking, running, whatever - and then run the dogs on the beach.

Life has changed and now Mo does dog duty - which is great but I think its messed with my "have to get going" mentality.

So this week I'm trying to develop habits so they become second nature and I don't have to think about them. Even reading a book about it.

Getting up again at 5:45 - this has been a bitch. I love to sleep - I mean love love love sleeping. But I know I'll never regret a workout - never ever.

Yesterday I went to the gym for 7:30 - did the elliptical for 45 mins and then planned on MTB in the great weather - but work got in the way and I didn't get done till 7:30 last night.

BTW - I had an epic mtb ride on Sunday - yes I was slow as hell and my normal loop took 40 (forty!) mins longer than last time I did it. Its ok - mentally I felt awesome and its the first ride of the season - can't hate on that.

I know that if I'm going to commit to getting fit again - I must get a work out in before work and if I can ride later in the day than that's just a bonus

Food - I'm detoxing sugar again - actually thats not true - I'm just not binging on candy and not drinking. One step at a time.

The weather has been crazy here - this weekend was amazing and yesterday was almost 60 - but I guess we are getting snow tomorrow again - m@#$%!!!!!!!er!

Off to the gym - to keep developing my good habits. :)

**in the spirit of keeping it real, I updated my ticker to 194. Ouch.****

Friday, March 7, 2014

How do I know? I just got back from a week + in Sunny South Florida ~ and I feel flipping awesome. My bones are warm again!

I knew winter depressed me, but didn't realize just how bad it was. This winter was particularly bad.Nothing like 9 days in 80 degree weather and hanging on the beach to make me feel like working out again and being healthy!

Did I feel good about myself and my size and my swim suit? Hell no.Did I care that much when I was lounging on the beach ? Not really

I bought a new beach cruiser and rode "Big Black" all over Jupiter like a boss. Now that made me so happy ~ being on a bike again in the sunshine

Yes, Big Black has a rasta bell - gotta let the old ladies know when I'm coming in hot around a corner....I have faith that summer will come again. I'll be ready for it. Both Mo and I perfected sloth life while were there - he even has a pod - which is hilarious as he has always been super thin! So starting today - its healthy eating all the way.

We came to a few realizations while away 1. Winter blows and we will find a way in the near future to split our time between home and somewhere warm or live in a more temperate climate....2. Public transportation is my nemesis - I will work until my fingers fall off so that we can fly private in the future. I loath security screening, flight delays, standing on line being stuffed in a tin can in the sky with humanity. Gross. 3. Everyone needs motivation - mine is a private jet.4. I love Mo and he Loves me5. I'd like to try kite boarding once...

This was the nonsense we had to take off in.... 4 hour delay much?

Back to the grind today- packing up for the gym shortly and on track (once I go through sugar/mozzarella stick withdrawal)

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About Me

I am 37, married with two dog kids. I am a vegetarian nature loving mountain biker. I was Banded April 6, 2011 and had lost 80 pounds and then regained 40 of that in year 2 post op. I'm back on track and trying to get my mind right to get back to where I was and onto goal. There is no finish line...