I need your support. Off topic

Hi ladies. I have read a thread from one of you just now about crying because of DH, so had the courage to come to take it out too. Sorry it is long.

So I know DH (dear husband) since eight years. We were friends in college then in a relationship for four years and married now for two years and a half. These two years were the most hard in our lives. We have lived in India where he studied and I worked then moved to a european country where we live now. Our financial status is not so good too. So we have only each others. DH (dear husband) is a very calm person. Funny too and makes friends easily. Never had a fight with any one. When he gets angry or dissappointed, he just goes away. and I know that he loves me. Which makes it difficult for me to figure out if I am seeing things correctly. The thing is: I only remember me crying. Crying loud like a baby. for hours. I go in total depression. Almost everyweek since we got married. I became so sensitive. Last thing yesterday when I was talking about something in the kitchen and he like always said that he does not understand me because I dont know how to express myself. Then I tried to be more clear and he started: ''why do we want to repeat things every day. You want us to talk all nonesense again and again.'' and he compared me again to his cousin which we both hate. This is the hundredth time I ask him not to compare me to people we make fun of or hate. It really hurts me. I was shocked again. what caused him to say so? I sometimes really don't understand his point. We had almost the same conversation again today and I bursed immediately in tears. Before, he used to come and talk to me but now he lets me alone all day and then finds way to kiss me before sleeping. This thing repeats itself everytime and we come back to be the loving caring friends healthy relationship. Then again. He also have notes on every thing I do. He comes with me in the kitchen to tell me how to cook and how to clean and sometimes asks me why I talk to my brother or mother the way I do.

I have never told any one about me crying. My best friend died last year and I got so sad it is difficult for me to talk to any one like true friends. Sometimes I feel like I am exaggerating but need someone to tell me I do. I wish I have a family here to go and stay for few days.

I am pregnant with twins now. I am scared. My bump is big already. And like many women (unlike men) I am worried about the baby stuff. Making lists. Checking budget and DH (dear husband) says it is early to worry about these things so I feel alone again. He makes me feel like I am nagging over nothing. If I ask his opinion on a stroller on Internet, he looks at me and says we have time dont worry.

I dont know how to become my strong self again and ignore his words. I have been excellent in my job and college. How do you ladies manage to rely only on yourselves and be strong when got hurt?

Comments (24)

You and your dh (dear husband) needs to find a time and talk to one another.he doesn't know how you're feeling and you don't know how he's feeling. Whatever bothering you will need to be said out and the both of you will need to come to an understanding.if not, that will be a strain in your relationship.

As for baby items, usually the guys don't really care for what you want to buy. To them, it's just a Carseat or stroller.i literally bugged my dh (dear husband) for two weeks into buying a travel system that was on clearance until Sunday when i decided to buy it myself but drag dh (dear husband) along to help put it in the cart and then to the car. As for other baby items, im going to wait a month or so but i don't expect dh (dear husband) to buy anything. It's pretty much the same as with all my previous pregnancies. Guys will always be guys,they are laid back and waits till the last minute.

I'm sorry you are feeling alone! My DH (dear husband) isn't a huge fan of lengthy discussions or talking about feelings and emotions, so if I get upset, he leans towards giving me space until I "calm down". Which makes me crazy- luckily rarely happens. I know I have a tendancy to get highly emotional and it's easy to get hurt by things, I have to make an effort with him to stay a little more logical. I know he loves me and treats me amazing- so if he says something that hurts me I have to remind myself that it isn't his intention and kind of talk myself down. This may have no relevance to ya'lls relationship! Personally have found things go a lot smoother if I try to stay calm and reasonable and talk through things when I'm not upset or crying. He responds a lot better to that!

It sounds like both of you guys are incredibly stressed out. If this were me then I would seek out both individual and couples therapy, although it sounds like money could be an issue. If you two are spiritual, try taking time out of each day to really connect with each other and to come closer spiritually as well as putting everything out there with each other so that you can have fun together. If you guys aren't spiritual then still put everything out there and look for calming, peaceful things that you can do together to bond and gain some peace. I hope things get better for you too soon!

OP. It sounds like the two of you could really benefit from couples counseling. It seems like the communication between the two of you is lacking - him shutting down and minimizing..... you not being able to express your fears

Thanks. I thought earlier that I could absolutely make myself clearer when no...

Posted
05/01/2015

Thanks. I thought earlier that I could absolutely make myself clearer when not crying but the tears just come to my eyes. I know I am having a problem myself.
dgenzo, when you suggest therapy to your DH (for example) and he looks at you like "are you crazy? We are Ok " what would you do to convince him?

Well I would say that the therapy was for me and you would really appreciate him coming along

Put it on yourself and say you feel like you need it, but the therapist suggested he come along for a few sessions to give his side

Husbands tend to minimize a lot because most of the time we are the ones taking care of business. It's like when my husbands asks me to unr a millions errands, like it is so easy going from bank to store to post office and picking up the kids from school is just soooooo easy [yet he has never done it but he expects me to teleport everywhere and get these things done].

I was sisck for 2 weeks and it was then when he realized how much I did because suddenly I could not do them. 't get it, stop doing something that you know he will notic like not washing the dishes or his clothes. Something that makes him feel the burn just a little. Me telling DH (dear husband) how feel usually doesn't work for his brain lol so I really have to visually show him that I mean business.

Hope you feel better, and its okay to cry, it's the hormones! I cry about almost everything now

I agree with PPs who have suggested counseling, on your own at first if necessary. If you are in Europe, there may be publicly available resources available to you. Please seek them out or try to find a support group of some sort. Maybe even just finding a group of people who share interests with you may help you make friends and get perspective. I suggest speaking with your Dr and asking about resources if you don't know where else to look. Good luck! You deserve to be happy.

Husbands tend to minimize a lot because most of the time we are the ones taki...

Posted
05/01/2015

Husbands tend to minimize a lot because most of the time we are the ones taking care of business. It's like when my husbands asks me to unr a millions errands, like it is so easy going from bank to store to post office and picking up the kids from school is just soooooo easy [yet he has never done it but he expects me to teleport everywhere and get these things done].

I was sisck for 2 weeks and it was then when he realized how much I did because suddenly I could not do them. 't get it, stop doing something that you know he will notic like not washing the dishes or his clothes. Something that makes him feel the burn just a little. Me telling DH how feel usually doesn't work for his brain lol so I really have to visually show him that I mean business.

Hope you feel better, and its okay to cry, it's the hormones! I cry about almost everything now

*Correction, SOME husbands minimalize. Not all men act this way.

OP, you two could really benefit from counsiling. Learning how to communicate will help your relationship improve.

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