Thank you,Cinderellen.I was very impressed by your message.I will try my best to improve myself day by day.I agree with the idea that a lot of raising children involves growing up yourself too.
Then,the cases are increasing that parents have killed their children or children have killed their parents.I wish all of us to really love our family even if we might be sometimes disappointed of or angry with them.

gsf hi. I truly have a hard time understanding how these people can kill their children or a child kill a parent. Our family was so loving and still is. They may not have always been supportive but they did their best. I have almost always supported my children in everything they want to do. Like most parents I just want them to be happy. Even when it hurts me I've let them go their own way.
My 9 year old test me daily but I try not to be too rough on her. When you talked about the women at the soda machine. When I do say no, it's not in a tone that carries. It's our duty as parents to stay calm yet frim. If you have good communication with your litte ones you can tell them no without making a scene.I've been doing this mom thing for 30 years. Most of that time as a single mom and I mny not have alwys done what everyone thought was right but, I raise 2 fully that are drug free and have never got into any legal trouble.

Wouldn't it be nice for babies to come out of the womb with an instruction manual???? LOL Or Better yet a mother have a manuual for people who walk by and try to tell her how to parent her child? In my opinion there is no right way to parent a child .. but there is a wrong way. Children don't thrive on being told no or yes all the time.
Cinderellen I agree there with you that people do judge you for what they only see happening at that very second.. if there was a replay button people would understand better our actions
As for this allowence thing I am divided on it as of yet. When I was younger my mom rarely gave me money but when I was in foster care I got an allowence. I have given Sallvie money when we go to speical places because I know he will be saying " Mommy I want" , I have found when he is in control of the moeny he won't be saying " I want " all the time. I also have a coin can which I try to put coins in often to teach him how to save. I know that as Sallvie gets older my system will have to be re-evaluated to meet his independance level.
While we are on the subject of money... what is the going rate for a tooth for the "tooth fairy"? Sallvie will be loosing teeth one of these days soon I am sure LOL.

I agree with you MintyFemme. There is a right and wrong way to parent. As far as others seeing you in only moments in time while dealing with your child(ren), that is the truth. Yet somedays you'd wish you could of done better. In the meantime, you do the best you can and hope that your child in time will understand and turn out as a good person. Bless those that dont understand. As far as allowance, do what you feel is best. It does help to give kids money and make them savvy on how to spend and save. To make them in charge to see how they spend their money. As well as that in one day you have started showing your child what it means to be responsible. Other than the tooth faery, I think I started mine out on nickels but nowadays it should probably be a quarter. Just a thought. Thanks for letting put my two pennies worth in here.
Have a great day!

well, I'd like to try. The tooth fairy is along the lines of the Easter Bunny or Santa. She isn't real but children in this country when they lose a tooth, they take the tooth and put it under their pillow. Then the tooth fairy (their parents) remove the tooth and leave money or some parents leave small gifts. I hope I explained that right? Best wishes to you and your Mom gsf. I hope this finds her on the road to wellness.

The tooth fairy just left $2.00 for a molar in our house night before last!

I used to give .50 for teeth when they were falling out all the time...but with inflation and the fact that my two are almost done losing teeth (10 and 12 years old now) I figure $2.00 is good.

Crazy... I'm a single mom too...or..well..I was.. hmm..kinda confusing eh? My boyfriend of 5 years just moved in to the same house with us...at the beginning of Feb. so we are both still feeling our way around this "US" thing.

Speaking of which... when you became an non-single mom..did you find it hard or easy to let your "other half" dicipline when needed?

In my case, he has been a single father with weekend visitation for 10 years, so he isn't having a hard time assuming an even more "fatherly" role to my two than he has had. (when he was just over three or four nights a week for dinner, etc.) BUT...I find myself tripping over my tounge occasionally when he tells them no when I probably would have said yes to things... like "can we watch tv" or "can we have a snack"..etc. How do you handle this?

__________________"Life is a flower of which love is the honey." Victor Hugo

PBS Wow, I've been a single parent most of my kids lives! When my 2 oldest where oh 8 and 11 I reconcected with a man I knew growing up. he kids took well to him and visa versa Un til they got older and he tried pushing them out of my life. All he ended up loosing was me. Then I met Savannah's dad. I've raised her alone until the new boyfriend. He's great with her. He was a single parent himself for awhile. now the mom has the son. I wasn't sure how I would feel about him dicipling my 9 year old but ya know it kind of feels good not to always be the bad guy. It's also nice to have someone to back me up when I tell her something. I love when e says hey, don't talk to your mom like that! I really like it when Savannah is just out and out driving me nuts and he takes off with her for a few hours to give me a break. Give it time and see how the kids react to him. Just so long as you work as a team it sure helps. If all else fails folow your heart Hun.

Yes I'd have to agree with crazymomma. Although there will be times when you will want to jump in and take over, dont! This is his turn and let him do it. If you disagree with the way he did it........talk to him in your room. Not in front of the kids. Keep your unity solid. Otherwise kids will use that to their advantage. Remember to do it Day by Day. It works!
Have a great day!

good advice... !! I'll try... I too love it when he steps in and says... Hey... Your Mom said not to do that... and it is nice to not be the bad guy all the time.. that is a definate plus!! I've been a single mom for the past ten years... so most of my kids' lives as well.... I guess time will tell huh??

__________________"Life is a flower of which love is the honey." Victor Hugo

Hon, when ever I've had boyfriends even the ones the kids didnt like I would gently remind them that as time goes by they will grow up and leave. But when push came to shove and the boyfriends wanted me to choice him or them the man always lost. The man in my life now is so great with Savannah. As I said he raised his son alone for the first 6 years. Due to problems he had to leave CA. and he moved out here. We haven't been together long but he has gotten closer to my girl than anyone. I never let alot of the guys i know get to close. But these 2 really love each other. I told him if we ever break up he'd probably take me to court so he could visit her! I think it's made it easier for him to be so far away from his own child. I'm glad we could be of some help. Hng in there, if it's meant to be PBS, it'll all work out. Keep us posted. Hugs to all of you.