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It's a comedy site, mashing random shit together into implausible narratives is exactly what they're supposed to be doing. This is no different to what The Onion or Cracked do and I don't see the bile getting thrown at those corners of the intertubes.
The only thing objectionable here is the quality. It's not hilarious but not terrible. Keep trying guys and girls!

There is one way to end piracy without ending liberty. That is to acknowledge that the term piracy is a result of a choice of values and then to select better values which recognise the fact that there is, in fact, no problem.

I used a calculator once because it's too early in the morning to do division. In general though, a calculator won't make much difference to the results of a maths test; it makes working out numbers less laborious but it's no help unless you know what calculations you wanted to do anyway.

The critical review you get by publishing in mass media is more complete and honest than what you get in a peer reviewed scientific publication. Why publish in a scientific journal just to say you did it? The peer review and publishing process has ceased to be intellectually valuable and completely fails to separate lies from truth.

Here's one counterargument:

Writing and publishing a paper (in a journal or even just sticking it on your website) allows for the inclusion of a lot more information than a newspaper article. Measurements, statistics, methods used etc all form part of a scientific paper but are either summarised (and simplified) or omitted in the newspaper version.

Third, as is pointed out every time an incident like this occurs, trademark owners have to take no chances and must enforce perceived violations or risk losing their right to it.

This does not give them a right to be arseholes though. You can still enforce every perceived violation without shitting on some random cafe; you just have to look at their logo and perceive that it isn't a violation to do so.

Why do people assume that the christians are the ones always behind these kind of fascist actions?

Assume? Who do you think would vote for a party named Christian Democrat? Who do you think would see that name and NOT hear alarm bells in their head? (Hint: it isn't Jews, Muslims, Atheists, Hindus or Cthulhu Cultists). Also, remember that in fascist Italy and fascist Spain and a number of other scum regimes in recent European history the influence of a certain organisation from Rome was very much present. Why wouldn't it be believable to think that those ideas could lead to authoritarianism again?

The rest of your post concerns US politics of which I don't know much. However, may I suggest you learn some words. Start with "right" and "far right", move on to "communism" and "fascism", and finally figure out "liberal". Your writing will be a lot easier to read if the positions described actually match up to the terminology.