She [me, Tilly] is the kid I loved in school because I was a “goody-two shoes” and she was the kid always into mischief and making me laugh.

I apologise, Dianne but, like John Lennon, I’m going to have to return my award, though I like that you think I have always been this way.

Because…I was not that girl in school.

I was an even goodier-two shoes than you. I was never into mischief; I never deliberately put a foot wrong, challenged a teacher, disobeyed a rule, got into an argument. I was a terrified mouse, bullied by some, protected by kind others – big, tough girls who were nice to me.

I was more fortunate than Amanda Todd, 15, who was found dead last week, possibly by suicide, after posting a You Tube video describing her torment.

Haters are now leaving horrible messages on her memorial page. I just don’t understand the need for such malice.

A belated ‘thank you’ to the girls who looked after me. You made the hell that was my school life a little easier to bear. And my choice of husband easy – he was you with a beard: big (shouldered), tough and always there for me, protecting and looking out for me.

Thinking about this made me wonder, readers: how many of you are still the people you were at school?

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35 Responses to “On Bullying”

There should be no place for any bullying or abuse in our society nd the society is us. Scary, and so many young people all over the world commit suicide because how they are treated at school and at home. It’s only us that can change that.

I am still reeling from this post. There have always been bullies of course but with the internet it has become so much worse for beautiful kids like Amanda because of how a situation that might have been contained once becomes viral. The haters (that is a great way of putting it) are hateful and I just don’t get this. I didn’t know about Amanda until I read this post and watched the youtube. I have never been able to understand cruelty and what is disturbing is that there seems to be so much of it. Oh Tilly.

Thank you so much. I can’t bring myself to watch the video just yet and my heart goes out to the poor girl’s family who must be devastated. MIllie is having her first week at her new school, she’s finding it hard but I hope she’ll settle in very soon. x

So sad.One wonders where were the parents and school staff during all this. So sorry you also suffered, Tilly. Glad you rose from the ashes to give back laughter. Love you. I surely would adopt any kid tormented like that, but how can we find them, help them? Any clues? Thanks for posting this, Dear.

I’ve gone over and read Doodlemum’s post, it’s so sad what kids have to go through and how, despite all the efforts of teachers and parents, it just seems that school bullying will always be with us.
I haven’t had the courage to watch the video, but my heart goes out to that poor girl.

I was a goody-two-shoes at school. I always did what I was told to do. There was little bullying at our school but there were the popular girls and then the rest of us. I was in the rest. I survived. I glad I wasn’t bullied and my heart goes out to those children who are bullied at school today. I want to tell them it will get better, that this is not all there is to life. But for these children it’s all they can see. To the bullies I say, some day you will meet someone who will bully you. This situation has to stop.

I don’t understand this need of children–or anybody, really–to be so hateful to someone else. I was bullied in elementary school. I was regularly beat up by one particular girl, and the other kids would get off the bus at my stop just to watch, not to help me in any way. It made life miserable. But I had other friends and great parents: I got through it. It seems that things are worse now than they were in the 70s, and its heartbreaking.

Kids at school bullied me because I was Catholic, had a Yankee accent and a German sounding last name. Boys followed me home from school and threw mud balls into my back. Sometimes they put stones in the mudballs to make them hurt. Some kids got around me in a circle and told me I worked for the Devil. A couple of big girls “protected” me. My daughter had the same experience in high school. Black girls came to her defense.

Its hard to be different. I didn’t accuse you of being a bully, only being like the kids who made me laugh. Bullies don’t make you laugh. Dianne

I am confused. The Sunshine Award is for bringing sunshine into people’s lives. I know you know that I know you know neither you nor i were bullies. So there. I still say I was a better goody-two shoes than you. Dianne

Wonderful post Tilly. My baby girl and I were discussing Amanda just this weekend and how sad it was that she took her own life. Both the baby girl and I were bullied in school and Amanda’s case makes us very sad. I was very much like you Tilly, a goody two shoes but I was made fun of a lot, so was my baby girl. The social media’s ability to grant access to victims non stop is what I think is driving the suicide rate up. I at least had refuge in my books. My baby girl had refuge in her imagination and her family. Sad.

I’ve seen a lot of posts about this video, Tilly, but haven’t watched it. I can imagine what the young girl went through because of the way I was treated throughout school. I hope I’ve moved on now, and put it all behind me, but the memories never go away. If I see someone now who bullied me (back then) in the street I would walk away in the other direction or pretend not to notice them. I don’t care if they feel bad for what they did – that’s their problem now.
Bullying has no place in society, yet it is everywhere. Workplaces, schools, even within families. Things are changing, bullies are now being brought to task for their actions (especially the ‘cyber-bullies’)… but will bullying stop? I hope so, but I feel we still have a long way to go. Always look towards the good, though, and those times may be here sooner than we think.

So many people said so many things. But none of it matters now because Amanda’s gone.What matters now, is how we help other children who are being bullied. People have said that Amanda’s case was somehow given so much more importance because she was pretty-but the fact remains that something as terrible as bullying NEEDS all the attention it can get.

I was a geek who had a bunch of cool friends in school. Fortunately these friends loved me who for I was- the not-so-cool Head Girl. A lot of people thought I had the ideal life, but I often worried about my appearance, my lack of boyfriends and how to maintain my perfect image. I have changed a lot in the past 6 years. I have learnt the hard way that a lot of the things I worried about in high school didn’t really matter in the long run. Most importantly when I look back on those years, I don’t remember the self-doubt or the stress , I just remember all the amazing friends who helped me through.

Amazing, Tilly! Amanda’s story breaks my heart. Some of my best friends in school were bullied, and I was the one trying for all my might to stop it. Of course, when I was in school, bullying, although never okay, didn’t have the same level of cruelty that I hear about today. my younger years, but bullying, thankfully, was never a part of my life. Sobering. Debra

I moved schools several times as a child. At two of those schools I was bullied. Once some girls caused me to seriously burn my hand, leaving several blisters. It was an awful time and I would wish that society had moved on, especially with all the anti-bullying campaigns we hear of nowadays.

I wanted to ask just how many Amanda’s it would take to make a difference? Then I read on about the ‘haters’. I am at a loss. How can society move forward when it contains such warped individuals?

Many years ago, I met the sister of a schoolgirl who had gone missing locally (her body was only recovered fairly recently). I discovered that people used to call the parents and tell them they had abducted the schoolgirl and had done this and that to her. They weren’t the real perpetrators, but they felt the need to put the parents through even more suffering.

You are far more generous to those bullies… I say they should seek mental health help not my forgiveness. As for the haters, karma is a bitch with a long memory! Pushing others over the edge for sport is unconscionable…. May Amanda rest in peace.

I welcome your comments but be warned: I'm menopausal and as likely to snarl as smile. Wine or Maltesers are an acceptable bribe; or a compliment about my youthful looks and cheery disposition will do in a pinch. Cancel reply

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I am a little fat. I like food; what can I say? I have dull hair: mousey. I don’t wear much make-up and have no need of a dressing table. If I look like a bag lady, I chose my own clothes. If I look nice, the Hub picked them for me. Despite all this, I am a little vain. This photograph is from 2003. I had to go back that far to find one of me that I liked. But I don’t really care: my husband still thinks I’m beautiful and if he doesn’t, he loves me enough to lie about it. I’m lucky. I have two boys. They never lie to me. Still, you can't have everything.

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