Join 411’s LIVE WWE Raw Coverage

Hi, my name is Tony Acero. You may remember me from such columns as, “Shes Saudi Mah Heart!”
My birthday is in a week, so either you’ll get a very very drunk RAW Report or Larry will be taking over! But that’s next week, let’s get to the show!

We start RAW with Braun and his buddies. Apparently, Seth will take on Drew and Dean will take on Dolph to get into the World Cup match.

In the ring, D&D are both looking quite smug. Dolph chews vigorously. He says that they are the greatest 3 man group in the WWE. They didn’t need a catchy nickname or matching tactical vests to prove it either. Braun says that they proved it last week against The Shield, and they’ll prove it any time, any place, against anyone. Just in case we’ve forgotten, Dolph says, he has a reminder for us.

We get a clip of Dean after the show, apparently not getting it.

Drew wants to tell us that he told us so. They didn’t just beat The Shield, they broke it. He says that Reigns and Rollins have no use for Dean. Finally, we all have opened our eyes. Dean’s have been pried open. The Shield have been shattered.

Braun says that because of this, no one will be able to watch Reigns’ back.

Drew says speaking of Crown Jewel, Drew is winning the World Cup. Dolph says that he is going to win. Drew says Dolph is NO Drew McIntyre. Braun then says both of them are great, but Lesnar and Roman are both going to GET THESE HANDS.
The music of The Shield hits, and Reigns and Rollins come out from backstage holding onto their belts. Dean is nowhere to be found. Seth says The Shield is alive and well. Seth and Roman hear them yap on and on and on. Seth says that when he beats Drew, he’s going to prove to him what the rest of the world already knows: Seth rollins is the best in the world.

Dolph calls this a great speech and introduces two-thirds of The Shield. Dolph wants to know where their brother is. Maybe they don’t care if he’s here, and he doesn’t either.

Seth tells him to shut up. They know Dean real well, and he runs on Ambrose time. He shows up when he wants and does what he wants. Ambrose always shows up.

Reigns says that the funny part is that Dolph is worried about Dean when they should be worried about these titles…why would they be? He tells Braun he’s going to the back of the line after Crown Jewel.

Seth says he’s always liked Philly because it’s a fightin town. Seth wants to do his match right now.

Match 1: Seth Rollins vs Drew McIntyre
Lockup to start because, why not? Drew powers Seth into the corner and breaks the hold at 2. He allows Seth to step back to the center of the ring. Seth with the go behind, and Drew looks to reverse, gets a side headlock in, as Seth works himself out of the hold only for Drew to power him back into it. Seth sends Drew into the ropes, but this doesn’t release the hold. Seth escapes so Drew gives him a hard right to the face. He hits the ropes and gets a shoulder tackle. Rope work and Seth tries for a hip toss, can’t get it, Drew misses a right, hits the ropes, Big Boot from Drew. He lifts Seth from the mat like nothing for possibly a powerbomb, but Seth hurricanranas him to the outside. Seth hits the ropes, goes for a suicide dive, but Drew stops it then hits a belly to belly! Drew sends Seth back into the ring then follows. Seth rolls to the outside. Drew follows, and Seth sends him into the apron back first then into the barricade! Seth grabs the head and talks some shit. Dolph Ziggler runs down the ramp and distracts Seth so that Drew can go underneath the ring. Seth yells at Dolph some then goes to Drew, who grabs his arm between the metal and pulls Seth into the side of the ring hard.

We are back, and Seth is getting his chest chopped in the middle of the ring. SUPERKICK out of the corner from Seth! Nice. Dolph is still outside. Rollins flies off the top, lands on his feet, buckles a bit, hits the slingblade. McIntyre grabs the legs, looks for the Alabama Slamma, but Seth escapes and sends Drew back into the corner. Blockbuster from Seth. Cover for 1..2..NO!!! Seth is up first. He heads to the top rope. Drew is up. Right hand to Seth. Chop to Seth. Drew climbs up, Seth falls down, lands on the apron. Kick to Drew’s face. Tree of Woe to Drew. Seth heads to the top rope. He shifts to stand on the ropes, but Drew pulls up, grabs the head of Seth, and pulls him, causing a flip to send Seth into the middle of the ring. Drew climbs the top rope. He looks to stand, but Seth runs up the corner. Superplex, Rollins rolls through, tries for another suplex, but Drew counters and hits a Falcon Arrow of his own!!! Drew with a hard right hand. Seth hits two punches of his own. Kick and a chop from Drew. Whip is stopped and Drew goes for the Claymore, but Seth side steps and hits an enziguri. Superkick to the face of Drew. Dolph hops on the apron, distracts, but Seth hits an elbow, runs into a hold, leaps over Drew, then clotheslines him out. SUICIDE DIVE TO ZIGGLER!! SUICIDE DIVE TO DREW MCINTYRE!! Seth sends Drew into the ring. Drew turns into a kick to the gut. Seth hits the ropes, Dolph holds the ropes, and Seth tumbles down to the outside.

The music of Dean Ambrose hits! Ziggler is ready. Ambrose comes from out of the audience and attacks Dolph!! Drew is there to send Dean away, but Seth is here to hit a stomp to the head of Drew! The ref is counting.Seth rolls into the ring as the ref hits 8. Drew stirs, he looks to lunge forward, but the ref hits 10 and that’s all she wrote…

Winner: Good match, but even the greatest matches can get stale when they have the same people for weeks in a row. Match Quality: ***Personal Enjoyment: ***
Total Rating: ***

Backstage, The Bellas are portraying their superb acting skills, looking here and there for the possibility of. Ronda sighting.

Some other place backstage, Lita and Trish are talking until Bayley comes up to hug them.

Backstage, The Shield are walking. Seth calls Dean a lunatic. Dean takes offense, says he’s just here for a laugh, just here for comic relief. He has his own match to worry about. Dean walks out.

Video package of HHH and HBK followed by a promo from Taker and Kane. They take a really long time to say Rest in Peace.

Nia Jax comes out to the ring with tonight’s dinner.

Tamina is back and nobody cares.

Match 2: Ember Moon and Nia Jax vs Dana Brooke and Tamina
Lockup between Dana and Ember. Dana gets Ember in the corner and muscles her into the post a few times. Ember shoots behind. Dana reverses. Ember breaks the hold with a booty bump then a kick. She misses something, gets shoved down by Dana, then kips up. Sweep of the legs into a pin for 1..2..NO! Dana with ak nee. to the gut. She sends Ember in the corner and tags in Tamin. Tamina with a kick. She grabs Ember and hits a snapmare. Tamina pulls the arm back behind Ember. During this match, we are informed of a Battle Royal and a few of the people involved. There is one surprise: TORRIE WILSON. We get back to the match and Tamina hits a hard clothesline. Tamina tosses Ember across the ring and Nia gets a tag. Tamina is not afraid. Right hands from Nia into the corner and she tosses Tamina away. Nia with a rolling…something or other. She gets Tamina into the corner. Tamina side steps and kicks. Headbutt from Tamina. Nia hits one of her own. Tamina goes for her own again. Tamina gets another one. She goes for a superkick, but Nia lifts Tamina up on her shoulders. Tamina dorps off and kicks the knee. Tamina lifts NI—noooo, can’t do it. Headbutt from Nia. Nia hits the ropes. Tamin gets her up!!!SAMOAN DROP TO NIA! Tag to Dana. Splash to her in the corner. Eclipse from Ember. Cover for 1..2…3!!!

Winner: Tamina never did anything for me. She still doesn’t. Match Quality: *Personal Enjoyment: *
Total Rating: *

Ember and Nia elebrate. Tamina is upset. She turns Nia to face her. Tamina shoves Ember. Nia shoves Tamina. Tamina hits a superkick. Ember stares down Tamina. Ember then looks at Nia, then Tamina. They both graba Nia and send her over the top rope. Because that matters right now. Tamina talks some shit, and Ember runs to eliminate her too, but Tamina is too strong and stops the hold. She lifts Ember up, they tangle up on the ropes and Dana shoves them both over.

Ronda Rousey is here to display giddiness and anger at the same time. She is in the middle of the ring, and decides to turn up the sadness factor. She says that The Bellas betrayed her in front of the whole world, and Ronda wants an explanation. She wants to know why. She seems very hurt by this all.

Nikki and Brie are out to tell her that no one paid to see Ronda. They don’t owe Ronda anything. Brie says, “This is show business, not show friends.” Wait…what? Brie says that Ronda came in and disrespected everything they did for this business.

Nikki says that it made her cringe to watch Ronda at the forefront of the Revolution. Ronda is nothing but a loser who doesn’t deserve it. She never deserved the title match or title, Nikki does. She wants to give us a history lesson. They made Diva mean something. They made the word Diva strong and powerful. Their reality show put more women and little girls in that crowd. They made the world want to see them and women in wrestling even more. Nikki says that Ronda walked into an evolution that they stared. Nikki has done more in that ring more than she will ever do. She is the longest reigning Divas champ, and that means something. Ronda’s title wouldn’t exist witout them.

Ronda is about to talk, then offers Nikki a chance to finish, then Nikki tells her to go ahead, unless Rnda is going to come up and break their arms. ROnda says she tried her best to be respectful. She knew that the WWE was their territory first and she really tried not to be judgmental, even though everything the Divas era stood for made her sick to her stomach. She tried to give The Bellas the benefit of the doubt – that they were just doing the best they could with what they were given. She thought that it was so great to be accepted and they could pursue the same goal and the driving force in the evolution together, but that was her mistake. No, they are the embodiment of a stereotype. DO NOTHIN BELLAS.

The Bellas were there because there was a camera pointed at Ronda, and never in her life did she see such desparation. The only thing these girls have ever done is how far they were actually able to go with the absolute minimum amount of talent. They leached off of the names of their men. They plagarized and dilute their movesets. They’re not pioneers, they’re relics of the past waiting to be eviscerated like small pox. But the wait is over, because they both know that Ronda could rip their arms off and beat them with them. The only thing stopping her will be the refs, and we all know they’re not good at holding her back. She is much more than a pretty face with a deadly body. She will ruin them. She doesn’t care how much money is poured into them, she will destroy them.

Brie repeats Ronda’s claims and the crowd agrees. Anyone who thinks this sounds really jealous of them. Come on, says Brie. The word Bella has done more last week worldwide than Ronda has done worldwide her entire career here. They are the groundbreakers. They’ve broken barriers and knocked down doors. There is no comparison.

Ronda says that her entire career has been knocking down doors. Judo, Strikeforce, UFC, and here at home in the WWE. The only door they ever knocked down was the door to John Cena’s bedroom…and he eventually threw her out of that exact same door.

Ronda wants to know if they’re coming down to catch the ass-whooping they deserve or will Ronda have to go hand it to them?

Nikki, instead, twirls. Out comes security. So I guess the twirl was their sign?

Ronda leaves the ring. Security comes forward. She tosses them all aside then hits her finisher on the most overselling of the group.

The Bellas are gone.

Backstage, Angle is in full Tommy Bahama gear. He is no longer stressed and is talking to Roode and Gable. They say his shirt is glorious. No Way Jose comes up to join Angle in some dancing. Corbin, who I guess was standing in a line that says “LET’S TALK TO KURT” comes up next and wonders how long it’s been since Angle has had a singles match. Haha, Angle says “About 12 years.” Corbin says he arranged for a match tonight. Angle didn’t bring his gear. The match is a handicap match against AOP.

Match 3: Dean Ambrose vs Dolph Ziggler
Lockup. Rope work and Ambrose hits a shoulder tackle. Cover for 1. Nope. Ambrose with another cover after some crossfaces and only gets 1. Suplex and a cover again for 1…2…NO! Ambrose eats an elbow. Ziggler with a swinging neckbreaker. Cover for 1..NO! Leg scissors and a sleeper. Ambrose hits a fallaway slam, and Dolph rolls to the outside. Ambrose rolls out and grabs Dolph, then sends him into the barricade. Another toss into the barricade. Back in the ring, Ambrose tries for a Cloverleaf but can’t get the hold in. Dean heads to the top. Ziggler flies up and goes for an X-Factor off the top rope!

We come back from a break and Ziggler is eating the corner buckle after being launched by Dean. Dolph misses a punch and Dean just clubs him in the back of the head! Damn. Clothelsine. High elbow. Dean then drops Dolph onto the ropes gut first. Ambrose goes again for the cloverleaf, and he gets it this time. Ziggler escapes, launches Dean, then misses a splash and gets slammed right on his face for his troubles. Ambrose covers for 1..2…NO!!! Dolph locks the head on the top rope but Dean blocks and sends Dolph flying off. Drew McIntyre is here to distract, but so is Seth and he attacks Drew. Dean flies off the top rope onto Drew. Seth helps him up.Dean shoes Seth away. He enters the ring. Superkick from Dolph! Pin for 1..2….3!!!!

Seth enters the ring like a disappointed father. Dean stands up slowly, holding his jaw. He’s up and Seth gets closer to him. Dean just shoves him and walks out of the ring then up the ramp.

Seth isn’t ok with this, apparently, and he walks up the ramp to shove Dean. They have a shoving match back and forth until Reigns comes out to stop them from fighting. He tells them both to chill out.

Here comes Corbin. He tells them that the last thing he wants is for The Shield to dissolve on his watch. He’ll give them a chance to fix their problems with a rematch from last week. The Shield vs Dolph, Drew, and Braun tonight.

UGHHHHHH

Match 4: Finn Balor vs Jinder Mahal
Jinder with a quick pin for 1..NO! Cravat from behind as we are informed that The Singh brothers are reuinited. Jinder with a whip, reversed, roll through, and Finn hits a dropkick to the face. Lockup and jinder sends Finn into the corner. Balor kicks out of the corner. Slingblade.Dropkick sends Jinder into the corner hard. Finn gets to the top rope. Coup De Grace. Cover for 1..2…3!!!

Winner: …Match Quality: NRPersonal Enjoyment: NR
Total Rating: NR

Immediately after the match, Bobby Lashley and Lio Rush come out to express without eyebrows. They get in the ring. Lio tells FInn that he wishes he looked like Lashley. Lashley gets on the 2nd rope and poses for the crowd. Lio says a few no-nonsense things. He says nobody smells like Lashley. Ok.

Back from the break, and Lio is still talking. Lio makes Lashley pose before the match. It’s drawn out. It’s annoying. It’s not good.

Match 5: Bobby Lashley vs Tyler Breeze
Lashley gets Breeze in the corner, lets him go, then poses. Breeze ducks under a right, Lashley blocks and shoves, then misses a clothesline and gets hit with a kick to the head. Breeze jumps off the 2nd rope and Lashley catches him then hits the stalled suplex. Lio is still on the mic, trying to get a Lashley chant started. Lashley poses. The extreme alteration of character makes this not only unbelievable but disconnected. Lashley locks on the Full Nelson as we hear popcorn fall. Lashley.Breeze gets a little fight in but Lashley powerslams him then deadlifts Breeze and finishes him off. Pin for 1..2…3!!!

Winner: They are going to ruin any possible goodness coming from this turn.Match Quality: NRPersonal Enjoyment: NR
Total Rating: NR

Lita and Trish are out. Lita says what’s up to her old friend Philly.. She says it’s good to be back home. One week from Sunday is the irst ever all women’s PPV, and they are—–cut off by Alexa.

Alexa is here to tell Lita that she feels they are on the same waelength, they just get each other. So she knows what Lita is going to say. How is she going to compete with the goddess? She’s just gonna run circles around me. Mickie tries and does a version of Trish. Alexa then tells Mickie she forgot that weird point Trish does. Lol. Mickie tells them that they havent been in a ring in a looooooong time. While they’ve been kicking back, they’ve been kicking butts. Team Bestie reuniting is the epitome of nostalgia, says Alexa, but that is fleeting, and if they think that they’re going to beat mickie and Alexa, then Evolution will be cakewalk. They compete nightly all over the world. This will be so easy.

Lita and Trish say that they might be right. They could use some practice. Practice never hurt anyone. They need a little. Lita wants some practice right now. She removes her jacket and Alexa says they practice how they play. They head down the ramp, then stop and walk back up the ramp.

Backstage, Bayley is smiling. Riott Squad comes up to make fun of her hugging and smiles. Ruby says Bayley runs away from fights. They are a riot, I tell ya….

Out comes El Conquistador. It doesn’t look like Angle, though.

Match 6: El Conquistador vs Authors of Pain

Akam escapes a German, gets a roll into an Ankle Lock, but Razar comes in to kick him. Huge clothesline and a tag as Corbin watches at the top of the stage. We get a double team into and a cover for 1..2…3!!!

Winner:

Match Quality: NR

Personal Enjoyment: NR

Total Rating: NR

Afterwards, Maverick wants them to unmask Angle We do, and it’s not Angle. Angle comes out from the back and hits Corbin with an Angle Slam! He then dances.

Backstage, The Riot Squad pour mustard and ketchup on Natalya’s door.

So before her match, Natalya tells Ruby and her hooligan friends that she is coming with backup.

GUYS!!! SASHA IS BACK!!!!!

Match 7: Natalya vs Ruby Riot

Ruby works a cravat from behind and stares straight to the faces of Bayley and Sasha. Ruby sends natalya down. Cover for 1..2..NO!! Ruby with another rest hold. Nattie drags her out of it then gets STOd for her troubles. Cover for 1..2..NO!!! Ruby screams. She lifts Nattie then shoves some shoulders into the corner. Ruby locks the head off the corner, but Nattie just shoves her to the outside. Her peeps check on Ruby. Ruby is up and heads back into the ring. She grabs the hair of Nattie and drops her down hard. Nattie is quick to lock in the sharpshooter but Logan enters the ring and clips the knee for the DQ.

The girls attack, but Sasha and Nattie get the upper hand. This is a shitty summary because my Mac is acting up.

Match 8: The Shield vs Dean Ambrose, Drew McIntyre, and Braun Strowman
The bell rings, and we are starting with Dolph as Braun yells at him to show him something. Seth to start as well. Lockup and Dolph gets a side headlock. Dolph brags to Braun that he can do this all day. Seth sends Dolph to th ropes. Leap frog. Dolph launches himsel and Seth catches him. Body slam. Seth tags in Dean. Dean hits the ropes and follows up with a clothesline. Cover for 1..2..NO!!! Dean tags in Seth and they double team Dolph. Tackle into a wishbone. Dolph kicks Seth away into Dean, and Dean gets all angry, making him dumb. Reigns tags himself in and gets in between the two. Braun is in and attacks all three!1! He tosses Reigns into Dolph who hits a DDT and a pin for 1..2..NO!!!

We come back from a break and Reigns and Drew are in the middle of the ring. Reigns with some riht hands to Drew, but Drew answers back with a Spinebuster into a jackknife pin! 1..2…NO!!! So close. Tag to Dolph who comes in to kick Reigns in the chest. Stomp to the arm by Dolph. He works the arm behind Reigns then sits on his back. Weird. Reigns turns into the hold then tosses Dolph aside and hits a clothesline. Another sends Dolph down hard. Reigns reaches for a tag but Ziggler gets to Drew first, and he comes in to stop the tag. Whip to the ropes and Reigns hits a clothesline. Reigns want a tag but Drew gets to Braun first. Braun splashes Reigns in the corner and yells at him team. Drew tags himself in to prove a point. He stomps Reigns in the corner. He yells at Braun, so Braun tags himself back in. He says that he needs help. They jaw ajck a bit then Drew tells Braun to just do his fucking job. Breaun headbutts Reigns then goes for a splash but eats a boot! Reigns tries to lift Braun on his back, but can’t. Braun rushes the corner. Reigns side steps. He goes for another Samoan Drop, this time he gets it. Reigns wants a tag but Drew and Dolph come in to knock Seth and Dean off the apron. Tag to Dolph then tag to Drew. They double team with the Claymore/Zig Zag. Cover for 1..2…NO!! Ambrosea nd Seth in to stop the pin and clean house. Drew rolls to the apron. Reigns is getting u slowly. Drew heads to the top rope. He dives. Reigns with a big uppercut. Tag to Seth. Seth in with a springboard then a tag to Dean! Dobule clothesline. Another. They send Dean to the outside. Braun enters. They send him right back out. They hit the ropes. Stereo Suicide Dives form Seth and Dean. They send Drew in. Double suicide dive to Braun, but he catches both by the neck! Superman Punch off the stairs from Reigns!! Ambrose to the top rope! Kick from Drew. Dean shoots the legs. Pin for 1..2.NO!! Ziggler is there to stop it. Seth sends him outside. Drew catches Seth. Enziguri to Dean. Dirty Deeds from Dean! Pin for 1..2…NO!!! Ziggler shoves Rollins into the pin! Drew rolls out of the ring. Seth and Dean are left in the ring to talk about it.

Dean looks down on Seth, says 6 years Seth has never messed up and now he is? Dean says he’ll take care of this himself. Seth grabs his arm. Dean kicks. Locks up for Dirty Deeds. Seth escapes then shoves. Zig Zag from Ziggler! Pin for 1..2….NO!!!! Drew is in the ring. He yells the orders to Dolph. Dolph lifts Dean up. Dre hits the ropes. Reigns is in! Superman Punch!! One to Zigler! Brauni n the ring. POWERS—-NO!!!!! Reigns in the corner. Braun hits the post! McIntyre goes for a Claymore, but Reigns moves! He hits Braun!!!!!

Reigns with a SPEAR!!!! Ziggler in the ring. Zig Zag but Reigns holds the ropes. Seth and Dean are there to lift Dolph. POWERBOMB form Reigns! Cover for 1…2…3!!!

Winner: The Shield

I love these guys; I do, but can we move on now?

Match Quality: ***

Personal Enjoyment: ***1/2

Total Rating: ***1/4

Afterwards, Dean hugs Seth and Reigns.

They are all smiles heading up the ramp, showing no signs of dissension.

Braun is pissed. He enters the ring. Ziggler is favoring the neck on the mat while Drew is on the apron, staring down Braun. Braun turns to Ziggler. He grabs ol Top Ramen head by the hair and yells that he told him earlier he was going to get these hands. Powerslam from Braun! He turns right into a CLAYMORE from DREW!!! Drew leaves the ring by himself.