hello guys so todays meeting never really happened because some of you left and others weren’t here… there’s a lot to do and very little time so plans and decisions have to be made quickly and deadlines will be very very tight to give this thing the chance to be the success we want it to be.

so first of all on Tuesday 20th there will be a meeting and everyone must be there! It will be at 10:30 unless we have the van early then it will be after that… if it is at 1030 then Ellie kp you will just have to miss the start can’t help this with only 9 days to go don’t have the time to wait around and not sort this stuff out.

and secondly I will get the plans started by posting what I see as the to do list and when things need to be done by, if i have forgotten things then lets us know and we need to start taking responsibility for different parts of making the event, we can delegate theses on Tuesday at the latest and we will all have to do a lot of work and may feel the pressure of it but i think we are all able and with the support of the rest of the group can and will pull off an amazing event. Now is the time we need to really commit after all its just another 2 weeks of our life to make something we have been dreaming up for the last year… now is the time we prove to ourselves and the course and rest of the world that we are a group of people who make seriously good art works!

So we have found ourselves in a very different place than we set out to be… and after the initial excitement of actually getting a space and it being London and WOO… my head started to hurt as my brain battled to find a way to make it happen and to make the core ideas and elements of the product work here… but for most this didn’t work to begin with and many just can’t work in this new context. Probably more than rest of you I have felt like this has not been a wholly positive step, maybe this is because my role and intention and the many things I wanted to get from the project where intrinsically linked to it being in Bournemouth and in a closed down shop…

That is just my brain being stupid and not wanting to let go of something I really cared about… and it’s not even being realistic… we have work for nearly a year now developing this strong multifaceted art work and we tried to make it happen and through reasons mostly beyond our control it didn’t work… and I’m really pissed off about that and I have passionately listed the things the work won’t be now and they were important things but screw being a pessimist… and I will not let my brain turn what is an amazing opportunity and experience for all us into negative….

7) decide what its we are doing, what it is about, the intention and how its going to fulfil those – key areas:the space/the performance/the framing write press release

9) make leaflet… press release rehashed… two side magazine looking sheet with 2 articles one about project ‘Shop’ the other OutsideIN and a few ads on there from world of shop… maybe the procrastination game, something fun and jokey, a lonely heart from Brian?

10) make website put content on

11) make props

12) make shelves and stands

13) makes signs and displays

14) get and brief actors

15) 300 smaller products to glue in Bournemouth

21st April GET THIS AND US TO LONDON… van and car and coach or train.

then if we can glue in the space in Selfridges and if not some where else in London… we have 1000+ products to glue in 2.5 days plus install shelves and other elements.

please look on the google calendar… and add and question it for next 3 days so can make changes, after that we stick to it and changes will be made only if outside factors change, not if we don’t get stuff done… because the plan needs to be realistic and considered. This is what I have tried be so far. speak to me if you want me to explain my reasoning and I can change things if they make sense too.

ROLES-Before London

This is just to help us we are of course working together on most things.

Patrick

Money/vouchers- design and printed (let me not costs and numbers)

Shelves- designed, made and flat packed

props- makes some and talk to model makers

decided your role when its happening- what you want to be doing and what you want to get out of it.

Jack

Cardboard- sourcing and making sure we have enough cardboard

press release- help write it

leaflet- project ‘Shop’ article/write-up with ellie s and me

Van- get it to Bournemouth

Shelves-designed, made and flat packed

the space- do a sketch up, work with Ellie’s and Patricks to get plan done for Friday 9th

decided your role when its happening- what you want to be doing and what you want to get out of it.

Ellie KP

Products-making sure they are printed and being cut to schedule

signs and displays- design and make

decided your role when its happening- what you want to be doing and what you want to get out of it.

Ellie S

Bags and T-shirt logos and elements- by Sunday 11th/Monday morning

props- make

signs and displays- design and make

leaflet- project ‘Shop’ article/write up with jack and me

decided your role when its happening- what you want to be doing and what you want to get out of it.

Martin

press release-help

leaflet- OutsideIN article/write up with me

performance- work with me, my dad to get make it happen and the way we what it!

decided your role when its happening- what you want to be doing and what you want to get out of it.

Ashley

Cash machine

website

Fred

press release- write

leaflet- OutsideIN article/write up with me

props- make

performance- work with martin, my dad to get make it happen and the way we what it!

decided your role when its happening- what you want to be doing and what you want to get out of it.

plan for running the event

little later I’ll put up a preliminary plan of action/roles for set up in london

Doing this project has been and continues to be an all-consuming experience and if I have learnt anything from working on Project ‘Shop’ with this group then it is this…

to always listen to advice, to try at everything you can do and the things you think you can’t, to learn from every mistake and success, to push your ideas and yourself, to be bold and persistent, to never stop trying and to never stop learning, but most of all I have learnt…

to never give up and be open to CHANGE!

Martin will talk about struggle to secure an empty shop for the event ‘Shop’ and he will let you know the ins and outs and many avenues we have tried to make this community project happen…. but to cut it short, even working with Bournemouth Council and Bournemouth Chamber of Trade and Commerce we haven’t got a location available to us in Bournemouth to do it!

So the Bournemouth community art event known as ‘Shop’ dies!

but a new ‘Shop’ is conceived and growing, it has all the fun, excitement and interaction of the old one but it will be in LONDON!

WOO!

Thanks to the wonderful female artist duo The Girlswe have the chance to revive ‘Shop’ in ﻿Selfridges Ultralounge in Oxford Street, which The Girls are taking over for the whole month of April!

I’m just starting research for my essay finally managed to get out of bed and read something!

I’m reading the essay A Genealogy of Participatory Art by Boris Groys, it’s pretty interesting stuff and its lead me back to thinking about what we are doing, or trying to do, us as a group and more specifically with Project ‘Shop’.

Maybe some of us know the answers already, maybe some of us are defining them through our essay writing but if not after this stress is over with

we need to find our group and/or individual positions on what we are doing, the different aspects of the project and the art we are making.

Whatever political and ideological statements we are making, we need to be aware, refine and define our understandings of it otherwise were not learning and we would just be having some fun… and I think we are definitely working too hard and definitely not having enough fun for this just to be frivolous play!

so after essay deadline I think each of us should read a piece of critical text relating to the content of this project… economy, consumerism, high-street culture, selling of ideas, buying the perfect life… and to continue reading context related texts about use of slack space, art and commodity and participation and collective and collaborative working.

Then through this blog we can consolidate all our research and thoughts and each one of us can become very well-informed individuals indeed.

When I woke up this Tuesday I had a meeting to get to, like most meetings it was a meeting I had set up, a meeting about this week and all the work we as a group had to get done, a meeting where I would suggest how we could get it done, a meeting where I would voice all my thoughts, a meeting where I again would say this week is gonna be hard and rely on team work and dedication… like most every week this month… T-shirt printing week or Stitch and Cardboard party week, a meeting where I would thank and praise everyone for the role in the success of the party and would try to find a way to keep everyone moving along in the same direction, with similar goals, where I would put pressure on different people to take responsibilities for things

but I didn’t get up, I couldn’t face it, because I was tired, because I couldn’t hold the many thoughts and pressures in my head and come out with the answer… I can do this.

I have always been a great pretender… and it does me so well… sometimes I fool myself… when convincing others I am many things, good at this and that I convince myself too… but I have dealt with the real me, the fragile and flawed person that struggles to get out of bed (the me that feels so genuine because it’s so painful and raw) long enough to know I can only hold the pretence up for periods of time or that if I am putting lots of effort somewhere… then there is a place in my life that is falling down, falling apart… its ok when it’s just washing my clothes, tidying my room and eating but when it’s those and sleeping and other hurdles… I know I am being too reckless.

I didn’t want to become this reckless but I wanted or needed the group success and the project to happen more.

from when I first made my own life here..

I wanted a group, I needed one… a new family, a new support system and a new reason to do things… when I came to uni… I played family with my housemates which was fun but these were not my people… then I made friends with everyone in the year, I tried to unit us all. I set up meeting, talked to everyone as much as I could and organised fun activities because I just wanted a new group where people where happy, and made stuff and did stuff and belonged and I belonged to it. This worked ok I found reasons and motivation and I help people know each other and spent time working with different people and lots of them were definitely my sort of people… but I still wasn’t happy because this group wasn’t really united and things weren’t happening or at least not without me doing most the work. Plus this was just a group formed by the institution around them as soon as that was done with the group did not exist.

so I looked within this group and found people who I could belong with, they were the most able thinkers, the most active doers and the people I knew could be those things. We formed a group and things became a lot less about me, while still validating my presence and bringing out my positives, my potency.

OutsideIN Creative Collective, is just a name but the group means a lot more to me, after a hard start and a few entrances and exits it became a group of people, different people. Each person I respect as my equal, each had different skills, backgrounds and ways of thinking and articulating, so many different strengths… so many qualities and talents for me to aspire too. This is the group I belong to and that belongs to me.

but things get hard and change when the pressure of doing something so much bigger than us as individuals and perhaps even us a group takes control of its people, people who want to be free.

Things changed for me when I had to stop treating people as my equals and start being the boss, the superior, I had problems with this from the first time I had to tell my friends what to do as a command and even more so when I had to tell them off for not doing what they were asked to do… this changes things… its needed to get the task done and especially to make leading such a project possible butit’s not why I set about forming a group.

so tensions and balance of such pressures became more and more my role and more part of group life… I couldn’t find aways around it..

but I could lead, my skills suit it and so knowing that was an ever more needed role, that I was best suited or that I got the most reward from it… I did it. Things were good, things were bad… but things where happening.

Then after the success of Mini ‘Shop’, I feel apart because I couldn’t pretend to be that person who could do all that it means to lead the group well. Since then I have lied to myself pretended to not be leading at times and made half-hearted attempts not to lead and to put my other needs first… but the group now seems to need a leader as much as before. Jack said he would lead to relieve the pressure from me but I know now not to expect people to be something they’re not… Jack can lead as much as I let him… because people look to me because I take control… Jack can’t lead the way I want as much as I can’t find let it go and relax with him leading the way he does. I should be able to as this, its what I want but I can’t, and I don’t expect Jack to change if I can’t. We are the people we are.

I am very unhappy of the creation of this and pressures on the group… the group is to bring out each others voices, each others talents, each others difference and the similarities… it was never meant to prosecute the very things that make us different, that make us who we are… strengths should be praised and weakness ( that are only weakness if seen as such because otherwise are just differences) recognised and the individual supported not punished. We are all amazing and flawed people. Diversity of skill and thought is our strength and should never be treated as a weakness. We should not be led by an uncontrollable sense pressure. We should not conform beyond our desires. If we as individuals find issues, we as individuals must find our own solutions, even if the issues we find are with others. As a group we should support listening and trying to understand individuals as individuals. If we see there are those that need support in over coming any problem or ‘weakness’ we should offer help but only if we want to not if we merely feel obliged.

I not care about how we look from the outside, I only care of how its feels from the inside. We did not find amazing people to live, work and play with to tell each other that we have flaws or that others actions are not what we want or expect of them. Project ‘Shop’ with all its possibility is not worth loss of the important things. I guess learning and compromise is what we should focus on.

I am very angry that I’m finding things so hard and haven’t got the energy to be the person that the project may need me to be, it’s very understandable if you are unhappy about that, I am.

Mostly I am unhappy because I can’t stop thing that nothing I do can bring my mum back, which leads me to know I have dropped many levels of control and ignored many warning signs. I need to do better for me, so that I can be better for everyone.

This week is all about TEAM WORK… so things may have been very hard and frustrating these past weeks… but this week it all changes… this week we remember we like each other and that we are all making something together!

there is 4 aims of this week and they are big ones but we can do it cos we are good!

Aim 1: GET A SHOP- this will be every weeks aim till we manage to find one… so martin and jack maybe dedicated hour or two a day to this.

Aim 2: Make 200 products- this means cardboard collecting… 3 days this week.. at least 2 people each time (we need to get cardboard for party as well)

and for this week product printing is a job for me, Jack and Martin! woo making.. yay!

Aim 3: Website complete- this is a job for Ash and I- but I will need your guys support to get me images and input.. etc.

Aim 4: MAKE AMAZINGLY BEAUTIFUL Mooshie Taboo products!- this is under the capable hands of Ellie and Mr Patrick… but they will need support and encouragement… like ‘you can do it’ and ‘push it’ and well I imagine a Rocky movie montage with sweat running down Ellie’s face as Patrick, her coach shouts slogans at her.

I propose meet at 10am studio 5 for a quick plan the week’s output… whose who… whats what… any questions.. affair.. then get on have some fun and work real hard.

sound good?

and I was thinking

Monday-work hard from 10am then all go home at 5.30 and have time to ourselves…

Tuesday- 10 or 11 then meet for lunch then more sexy work then to jacks for ironing T-shirts… dinner… make together then to buffalo.. we can figure best way round this and where.

Wednesday- work in studio till like 630- lots of printing and cutting and fun… then patrick for ironing, sewing labels and meeting… all eat there!

Thursday- long day at uni then home for me time? dinner alone.. candle lit

Friday… finish it… sleep and then

ELLIE WILL BE BACK.. YAY.

Ellie KP don’t think you are forgotten your AIM: have fun, get drunk and do many things I wouldn’t do… that will be hard cos I eat food off train floors and pretend to be a bird in airports… have a great time!

Things not to worry about this week..

design products- next week we can get back on that!

the budget.. beyond what I will do.. but again next week must get this tidy and all sorted!

the event ‘Shop’ … figuring it out and all those concerns other than getting a space.. gonna have a meeting

Recently I’ve been thinking about what my role is within the group. I don’t often get involved with things like writing for the group, be it the shop project statement or manifesto or whatever it is we have that sets out what ousideIN is about, it’s key aims and such. I think my lack of input in things like this has meant that I don’t feel like I really identify with what the group is stated to be. For example, I think the ‘about the group’ section on our website is a lot more reflective of other members of the group, or rather their interpretation of what they think outsideIN is about.

At the moment I don’t know whether I want to take a more active role in defining the group or if I’m content to remain a sort of backseat member because when I actually think about what I do at the moment, I just seem to be relied upon as a sort of technician.

Today Ellie and I printed a lot of the Moosie Taboo t-shirts and bags and while I’m sure Ellie and the rest of the group could manage the Mooshie Taboo project without my help, I think it would be a lot harder than it is with my help. I’ve been involved at almost every stage, from spending days drawing out one of the designs on Illustrator, to sizing the designs and preparing them for silkscreens and actually screen printing them. The part I wasn’t involved in was the actual conception of the whole t-shirt making endeavor. It wasn’t my idea but I’ve been working on it in none the less because of my skills in Illustrator and silkscreen printing. I think the problem is that I don’t feel like I have any real control over what I’m working on. I don’t feel very outsideIN, I feel more like I work for outsideIN.

I have seen this amazing opportunity happening around us… this being the first year Fine Art and Architecture students collaboration project… REALLY FUN STUFF with field trips and working with people with skills… but mostly I have heard of struggle, frustration and separation! (but maybe this is just because I have been in the computer room and not in the studio)

a few things I noted as interesting while listening and watching them working around me…

firstly its strange seeing ideas not developing very organically… it has been a lot of individual ideas and one person persuading the group… this is normal for a group just put together by others but feels weird because this is not how we work any more… its not till I see others working together I really reflect on how we do it!

we do all have our own ideas but the ideas that transcend the thought process are definitely not of an author but co-authored… like the pairs that form designing products such as Ellie and Ellie and Patrick and Martin.

and Project ‘Shop’ itself I could not even tell you who came up with it… I remember it all and being there but it was definitely not any one person… and since then it has moved in so many direction… guided and pulled by individuals but always the work of a group.

so I may just being saying ‘we are good’ but I think the only reason we got here and are so different from that collaboration around me is because we choose to be together… those who weren’t in it for the right reasons left and those who didn’t commit were made to leave and then its been LOADS OF STRUGGLE AND CHANGE AND TIME TOGETHER and it hasn’t stopped being hard… but we still all want to be working together.