The Lonely Wolf

Summary:
To phase the first time: disorienting. Horrible. Terrifying. Painful. To become a monster: sickening. Strange. Agonizing. Estranging. This we know from Jacob. Must it not have been so much worse to be Sam? He did it all... and he did it all alone. A story in the perspective of the first of our beloved werewolves, Sam Uley. From shortly before the time of his first phase to his marriage to Emily Young.

Notes:
I disclaim. Add the story to your favorites! Just do it, people.

42. Chapter 42

I sit beside Emily on her couch, quietly looking at our twined hands. She rests her head against my shoulder and says, “Sam?”

“Yeah?”

Without preamble, she asks, “Do you want to move in?”

Her voice is a little hesitant, a little shy. “Hm?”

“You know. I don’t like the thought of you out there in the woods all the time, and it must suck to have to keep your stuff at your mom’s, and eat raw meat and stuff and sleep on the ground, and besides this house is too big for just little old me and…”

I pick her hand up, press it to my lips. “Of course. Nothing would make me happier,” I whisper.

“Sam… I just don’t want you to misunderstand.”

I look up at her, and she’s blushing furiously. “What’s so embarrassing, Emily? You can tell me.”

“Well…” she stops for a second. When she finds the words, she talks very, very quickly. “I plan on… waiting until I get married. You know. To…”

“Oh.” I shrug. “That’s fine.”

“You don’t care?”

“Emily, darling.” I run a hand up the side of her face, tangling it gently in her hair. “If you can forgive me for all the horrendous things I’ve done, if you can find a way to love me despite how completely unworthy I am, I think I can wait a while for that.”

“You… you want to get married?”

I grin. “Absolutely. As soon as possible, actually, but I’d like to wait until I’ve actually got a ring to get everything settled, darling.”

“You’re sure about this, aren’t you. About me?”

“Did I ever give you any reason to doubt it?”

“Well…” she trails off and picks back up while I pull her close to me. I can smell her delicate perfume. My breath blows her black hair back and forth across the couch. “I just… I worry, you know? Maybe… I understand now, that you’ve explained the imprinting thing to me. But what if it goes away and you don’t want me anymore and you break my heart too?”

I don’t miss that last word. “Emily, I will never forgive myself for what I did to Leah. I won’t. It was positively inexcusable. But… I will also never do such a thing to you. First of all, imprinting is irreversible. It doesn’t just go away. I know all the stories, they rule my life now. And you have my word that in every single legend, imprinting is forever. On the other hand, even if it somehow did…” I shake my head. “I’m not going anywhere, not until you order me away. I’ve seen how beautiful and perfect and right you are, the imprinting showed it to me. I realized I’m in love with you. But even if it was gone, I’d still have that knowledge, I’d still have that feeling. The imprint only takes a second, but for the rest of my life I’ll know that you’re the only one for me.”

There’s a wry smile on her face as she turns to look at me. “Quite the speech, Sam.”