Monday, January 28, 2008

One of Ace's favourite shows in the afternoon is the one called The Doodlebops... it is about this strange three people called Moe, Dee Dee and Randy or something like that. They are apparently some band group and one will sing, one plays the guitar and the other one goes on the drum.

Whenever they come on, I will be forced to dance with Ace.

He will run to wherever I am sitting at, hold my hand and pull me up and tell me, "Mama, dancing... kuai dian..." And so I will be forced to stand up and dance. If I sit down, he pulls me up again till they are done with their songs.

But I guess he must have been quite inspired by the doodlebops cos the other day, he started playing with his drum set which he has been ignoring for some time now.And strangely, he knew exactly where to place his chair, where to place his legs, and he had like perfect rhythm and could even sing along as he hit the drum! Most amazing of all, the song he was singing is very often some song he just made up on the spot!

I have been thinking of sending him to some dance or music lessons but can't seem to find any. Anyone has good suggestions?

Sunday, January 27, 2008

And then I told him, "Yeah, I am also so angry... you know why? Because you hit me and it is painful."

And then he continued to look into my eyes for like 5 seconds and then his face suddenly lighted up like he had some GREAT idea like that. "You want a bao bao?" He asked me as he cocked his head up to the side (which he always does when he acts cute)

"Yes, I want," I told him

And so he came to hug me.

When I told Daddy about it, he laughed and said, "Wah lau, this sort of children, how to be angry at them...."

Saturday, January 26, 2008

Well, now that Ace is a little older, he is starting to understand the concept of time outs.

The other day, he hit po po and so she sent him to his high chair facing the wall. He did not like it one bit and started crying. And then she told him that he could come out if he stopped hitting her.

So in future, whenever wanted to hit her, she would say, "Do you want to go into your high chair?"

And he would exclaim, "NO!" and he would think twice before he does the act.

When that happened, I was not at home.

Then, the other night, I happened to be at home and Ace did something naughty again. Popo warned him not to do it but he still did not care and so when he did it again, he was sent into the high chair.. he cried and cried so badly... and only stopped when we told him he could come out if he promised not to do it again. "hao.." he obeyed meekly...

So now whenever you ask him if he wants to be in the high chair, he will say, "NO!"

Hahahaha...

Well, maybe he does not dislike it so much also. He was given another time out by Popo again... Po po said he was crying and meanwhile as he cried, he was looking sideways to see if there is anyone coming to save him... I guess he cried until so sadly in the photo because I was standing right beside him.. hahah ;)

The other day, Ace ran to me and said, "Mummy, rock rock!" which is his indication that he wanted an afternoon nap.

So I was carrying him and rocking him and he happened to be looking into the direction of the kitchen.

He saw the juicer that has not been washed yet and then he told me, "Drink juice drink juice... gong gong xi xi xi..." Translated to English, it means "How come Waigong hasn't washed the juicer after we drink it?"

I found it really amusing and turned around to tell my grandma in Teochew what happened. And when I was done with my story, Ace added, "So clever...."

When Waigong came back... I told Waigong about the story and when I ended, Ace ran over and told me, "Wo cong ming!" (which meant I am clever)

I told Daddy about this and he says Ace has an ego bigger than Utah! Hahaha.. I call this confidence! Ask him who is clever, handsome, cute and who is the best, who is the most well liked, he will tell you, "Wo!" (Me) with his hands raised up:P

Monday, January 21, 2008

As he has started a new term and I missed a good two weeks of lessons with him, I realized that his teacher was doing some different things during lessons for this term.

Intead of giving him two pictures that are covered and asking him to find one object, she gave him three cards. Two of the same design and one different. And then she would ask him to pick out the one that is not the same.

Next, she would cover the cards and get him to pick out the one that is not the same using intuition.

Today, because he was in such a good mood, he got all of them right no matter how I mixed it up! Wow!

"Aiyoh, Ace, you very kiang leh!" (kiang is hokkien for clever) I said to him as I touched his cheeks

"Aiyoh, you very good leh!" He replied doing a thumbs up sign at me.

I laughed till I had tummy ache.. hahaha..

PS: That is Ace doing the V sign when posing for pictures... Daddy taught him for a long time and he finally got it!

Maybe because me and daddy finally ended our power struggle saga and moved on one step closer into partnership. (Erm.. I was refering to it in POV terms.. it doesnt mean we are clawing each other's eyes out.. haha)

So he came to me and said, "Mummy, lesson!" Which indicated that he wanted his lessons done.

So I told him I would do them after his lunch.

After lunch, he started to remind me again. "Mummy, lesson!"

And so I said ok and sat in front of him.

Then suddenly, I turned to him and asked him, "can you give me a kiss?" And so he kissed me.

And then he said, "Lesson!"

And then when I asked him again, "Can you kiss me?"

"No! Lesson!"

Wah.. no lessons, no kiss ah... so I asked him again, "If I do lessons, will you kiss me?"

Saturday, January 19, 2008

You know, I have always suspected that Ace is someone who has high practice in spirituality in his past lives for a few reasons. (Even my mum agrees and thinks so)

Firstly, when I went back to one of my past lives during sessions with Uncle Chuck, I found out that Max used to be my fellow monk! So we made a joke out that Ace, in that case, must have been our MASTER! (Since he is effectively our 'boss' now ;) hahaha)

And then, of course, it MUST be a coincidence that we turned vegeterian and enshrined the gohonzon just before Ace was created and born.

What is more, he has always been taking to chanting and doing gongyo with my mother...

During my Restoration of Mastery Apprenticeship in India, Chuck and Lency would often play a piece of deeksha music that I really liked during blessing time.

A deeksha is kind of like a blessing from the heavens. If you are christian, it would be explained like some form of grace from the heavens. If you are scientific, it is just a transfer of energy to improve our nervous system and thus improve our health and personal well being.

The one that I like is called the Moola Mantra.. which simply put means invoking heavens or like inviting the gods to descend.

So when I came back, I tried to look for the music and when I found it, I was so happy I played it for Ace once. Sometimes I sang Ace to sleep in that music as well.. haha ;)

The interesting thing is that this morning when I played the deeksha music (the slow version with female vocals), Ace listened halfway and started SINGING ALONG TO THE LYRICS. Wah lau, I hear two times a day in india, one time a day in taiwan and one time a day during hanxuan's workshop also cannot remember lor. He can remember tune and lyrics!

And the best part is suddenly, no one taught him how to do it.. but he just waved his hands in the air like giving deeksha like tat! Hahaha....

Amazing!

Additional notes: I was typing happily on my computer when Ace came, touched the the speakers and sang the whole moola mantra out! There was no music to guide him or anything. I was just quietly typing...

PS: IN case you are curious about how the moola mantra sounds like, I found two versions that I like on YOU Tube.

Friday, January 18, 2008

The zoo is sexy because that is where we see ANIMALS do some 'sexy moves'.

Sigh...

The other day, Daddy had some zoo tickets and so we brought Ace to the zoo again.

I dunno why like tat.. is it because I healed my sexual guilt and so with my gift of sexuality opened up and chakra opened up so all the animals see me do strange stuff?

First, we saw an ostrich who walked over and posed so gracefully for the camera ... and he looked and posed soooooooo gracefully and then all of a sudden when we were trying to pose so tat we can take pic with the ostritch, he took out his ding ding and pee loads of water on the floor like a waterfall. And to add to the MAGNIFICENT VIEW, he continued to POO as well.

We were all so shocked we did not know what to say and before we could respond, like a transformer robot, his ding ding started to shrink and hide under his feathers until you cannot see it anymore.

And then, furthur down, we were looking at this baboon and it was sitting cross legged. In between the legs, there was a little hole... and there was a little stick peeping out from the hole and the baboon was moving his backside forwards and backwards... I asked Daddy, "What do you think he is doing ah?"

And Daddy said he probably is masturbating... and when he opened his legs, his very erected member proved that daddy was right...

I laughed and laughed so hard...

After tat we went to see the dunno wat monkey, also masturbating.. but tat one we din manage to take a pic...

I wonder what it all means...

Anyway, of cos those are not the ONLY pics we took lah... if you want to see more of our pics at the zoo, click HERE.

And, no, I did not highlight the incidents to Ace and did not try to explain about the birds and the bees because of this. 2.5years old a little too young right?:) Hahahaha...

Thursday, January 17, 2008

You know, when I was younger, we would watch those drama series and then it would always feature the very fillial sons and daughters versus the villains... and then my mum will say to me, "Some children are born to return a favour or return some debt they owe you, some are here to ask for a favour or get the debt that you owe them."

And I would wonder which type of children I belong to.

Sometimes, my mum as a buddhist leader in Singapore Soka Association, will hear sad stories from parents about how their children are nasty.. and also some beautiful stories about how the children kept the family going and then she will tell me, "Some children are born to return a favour or return some debt they owe you, some are here to ask for a favour or get the debt that you owe them."

And I would wonder which type of children I belong to.

But now after so many POVs, I have a conclusion.. that all children are here to return the favour because as children, our gift for our parents is just so that they can be better. As children, our duty is to help our parents, no matter what we do.

After so many POVs, I have one conclusion that no matter what they do on the surface and whether we 'judge' their actions as good or bad.. all children only have ONE WISH.. and that is to save their family so that their family can be happy... So I say.. all children are GIFTS.

You see.. 'good children' are but just playing the roles of either the hero or the matyr... and then, bad children are also playing roles... of the scapegoat... so they are all role playing and they do all these just because they thought that if they do this, it will help the family or will save the family.

Bad children think that if they did all very bad things, the bad stuff will come to them and this will keep the others in the family (especially the parents) safe. Though it is not a good strategy, but let's just say that they did their best.

And also, sometimes, I think 'bad children' are just here to remind us as parents that there are some things that we have not healed yet or come to terms yet in our lives. Children are but a reflection of our sub concious mind... so if you see your children doing something you dun like, that means you have a belief that you are like tat as well... just heal it, move forward and choose happiness!

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

We thought it has been quite a while since the whole family went out together and so Daddy decided to bring me and Ace out for dinner.

The car was happily travelling and then when we were about to go into the carpark, we came across a hump and so the car shook a little. At this point, Ace told his Daddy, "Daddy, xiao xin!"

And me and Daddy were so shocked. Once we got over the shock, we laughed and told Ace he is very clever.

And then when we were on our way home and Ace saw the hump, before we even touched it, he said, "Daddy, xiao xin..." and then went on to gibber gibber gibber about "So clever!" I think he was referring to himself.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

That is the wordings on the shirt that Seokling Ganma bought for Ace before she left for HK. And how true it was.. now that Ace is really growing up, he is exerting his independence more and more.

The other day, we wanted to bring Ace out for simple dinner nearby. So I told him that we are bringing him out. I took out a shirt and a pants and asked him to change into it and he got really upset.

"Gai, gai... mei mei..." he told me.. Translated to english it means, "But we are going out, so I have to dress nicely."

Cos the clothes were from the drawer where we put his everyday clothes.

He insisted that I opened the drawer of his 'going out' clothes and take a pick from that drawer.

And because he had just pooed and Daddy just bathed him like an hour ago, we did not bath him and just made him change into his clothes.

Then he walked around, paused a little while, think a little put and pulled and tugged at his hair, "Chong liang, chow kia kia..." Translated to english, that meant, "But I haven't bathed yet, I am smelly!"

And we told him he already bathed just now and so he just smiled and ran around and then he decided to put on his shoes.

That's our little BOSS.. always knows what he wants, even at age 2.5.. haha

Monday, January 14, 2008

Xmas was a good time for Ace.. he received lots and lots of present and had new presents to open everyday.

First, he received a very very nice set of Thomas the Train flashcards and game cards and story books from ganma Karen...

And then he got a very nice Thomas the Train outfit from Ah Yee and Yizhang.

Ganma Seokling bought him a very nice Mr Potato head toys (he had so many hours of good fun with it!)

Jez Ah Ma bought him a very nice truck that you can put together and take out using tools.

Melvin, Germaine and Tiffany bought him a beautiful and (ahem) noisy drum set ;) Which he loved very much... thank goodness he has a sense of rhythm and gets tired of his toys quickly and easily.

And previously, when Daddy went away two times, he always came back with presents. This india trip, because I did not have a chance to go around much at all, I did not buy anything at all.. not even for Ace.

So the morning that I reached home, Ace asked me, "Mama... present.. I want present.. I want BIG BIG present..." In the end, me and Daddy bought him a teddy bear to keep the coins and money that he makes when he helps out with cleaning the house and massaging our backs.

The next day, he asked for a present again... "This is not first time he asked for a present already.."Daddy told me.

Anyway, I told Ace that there can be lots of different types of presents.. eg, just now, I gave him a kiss and told him that is one of my presents for him today... and so he kissed me back.. so sweet ;)

Sunday, January 13, 2008

The other day, while I was at home watching TV with him, I realized that he can sing all of the songs in the opening credits for all the dramas that are showing on Channel 8. And he did not just follow on.. he had actually memorized the song because he was exactly on time and accurate when he sang it.

I had another chance to view his musical talents the other day when I played the Taoshu DVD that ganma Karen bought for him...

After the first time he watched it, he started to sing along when the opening credits and song came up! Amazing...

And these days, he finally understands that you can play music and sing along with it... the other day he was trying to play his organ, drum and guitar while he sang along.

Just now, he switched on the organ to a auto song mode and then he started singing along with the organ.. it was hilarious cos if you listen carefully.. his lyrics sound something like, "lalalala.. chao barbie..." Hahaha... I dunno whether to laugh or cry.

PS: I just got an email from my penpal in Greece on 19 Jan 08.

Hello Angel

Just to inform you that I 've listened just now to Ace You tube of Sunday 13 Jan.

He sings really very well. I notice also that he's not out of beat as well. lol..wonder.. later he should be able to perform on stage as well. I have listened it 5 times already.

Saturday, January 12, 2008

I was away in India for close to two weeks for my apprenticeship programme with POV... It was a great experience and I think I will never be able to describe all that I have seen and heard in my blog...

Anyway, during these 12 days I was away, I called back home twice... and I was really amazed at the amount of improvement that Ace has made while I was away.

In the past, when we said something, Ace would only be able to repeat one or two words, maximum 3 words in very rare cases. When I called back the first time, Ace repeated after Daddy and told me, "Mummy, wo hen xiang ni..."

And then Ace was so cute lor.. he is like a psychic.. the moment Waipo passed him the phone, he heard my voice and said, "mummy!" And then he started singing, "Mummy mummy I love you..." Hahaha.. such a sweet boy.. I almost melted there I tell you...

And then he spent the next 5 minutes saying lots of gibberish to me and I could barely make out what he was saying...

But when I got home, I realized that his improvement was far greater than what I had thought it was.

Now, instead of answering YES and NO or repeating what we ask him as an answer, he can understand and give different answers. Eg, when I came home and saw him, I asked him, "Ace, did you miss me?" He said, "Mummy, I love you!"

Yesterday, while Ah Yee was packing for her trip, Ace went to disturb her and Ah Yee got upset and ask him to go out.. so he ran to Waipo and told Waipo, "Waipo, Ah Yee angry.. Ah Yee scold scold.. Ah Yee ma ma..."

Waipo asked him, "No, since when did Ah Yee scold you?"

"Ah Yee go out, go out!'

Hahaha.. I am really amazed...

Guess he must have been improving all along just that when I am beside him everyday, I dun see such a huge difference :)

Tuesday, January 08, 2008

My teacher, Jeff, said that in his 20 years of POV work, he has NEVER seen a perfect parent. "So don't bother trying..."

You know how it goes if you have been a parent...

If our kid is not growing well, we blame ourselves...If our kid is not healthy, we blame ourselves...If our kid does something wrong, we blame ourselves...If our don't like us, we blame ourselves...If other people dun like our kids, we blame ourselves...If we hit our kids, we blame ourselves...If we never talk to them, we blame ourselves...

And the never-ending list goes on...

But it is just impossible for us to become a perfect parent... we just need to recognize that and stop attacking ourselves. Because in actual fact, we are all perfect parents in that we do our best and did the best that we could.Appreciate our parentsSome time back, I wrote about appreciating our parents... because whatever grievances we have against our parents, we will eventually act it out on our kids and blame ourselves for being bad parents.

Likewise if we loved and forgave our parents, our kids will forgive us too for the 'bad' things we have done and we, as a family can get closer and more bonded together :) And when this happens, we can start to believe again.. tat we are GOOD PARENTS.Beating our kidsBut sometimes, when our kids react in certain ways and we react... it is usually because their behaviour has shaken out a bad emotion that we have been suppressing. Sometimes when the emotion is very strong and we do not know what to do, we lose control and then we hit them.

But whatever we were feeling, we had a different choice... We could choose to be brave, feel that bad feeling and burn it away and heal it instead of beating our kids.

Because whenever we hit our kids, we beat the same bad feeling into our kids and they inherit it. During our workshops, usually when when people talk about how their parents beat them and make them feel worthless or valueless or helpless.. it is always because their parents were feeling the exact same feelings and did not know how to deal with it. So they raised their hands and hit their children, in the end, giving them the same feeling as well.

Be YourselfWhile it is true that parents have a huge impact or influence on a child's life... be aware that your child is also the one who chooses his own experiences.

There was this story about a reporter wanting to write a story about children and how their parents would influence them.

He interviewed this really bad person who committed all sorts of felony in prison and the bad guy said, "What could I do, it was the only thing I could do because my dad was also a jailbird and in my family, there was mostly no one who cared for me or loved me..."

And then he interviewed a very successful and famous lawyer about his childhood and the lawyer says, "What could I do, it was the only thing I could do because my dad was also a jailbird and in my family, there was mostly no one who cared for me or loved me..."

Turned out that the two of them were twin brothers!

Don't blame yourself for everything that went wrong with your child and just be yourself! You do not need to behave in a certain way or become a certain something for your child to love you. More often than not, children are here to bring more love to us so tat it is easier to heal and easier to find courage to heal. And they will love us.. whether we are perfect or not... whether we behave in a certain way or not.

In my workshop experiences, I have found that even the most badly scarred children (hit till whole hands and legs also bloody, or due to parent's neglect got badly injured, scarred or abused) will still ultimately love their parents DEEPLY.. no matter what they said or did on the surface.

Be your kid's best friendSo in conclusion, Jeff said that all we needed to do is to provide guides to our children. "They know best what is their purpose in this world" we as parents just need to guide them and show them wat a beautiful world this is so that they will be motivated to live to their fullest and live their purpose.

"Don't tell your kid what to do.. let them contribute in the family. Sometimes we learn lessons from our kids as well... don't tell them how to contribute to the family.. most of the time, they know what to do and how to contribute and they know it better than us..."

And last but not least, he repeated that we should always treat our kids like we treat our best friends. "You wouldn't scream and shout at your best friend and commanded that he cleaned up his room, would you?"

Monday, January 07, 2008

The other day, Daddy received a whole stack of vouchers from various merchants. Ace ran into the room, paused a while and pointed to the OSIM logo and told him, "OSIM"

So we thought he might have gotten lucky or we might have heard wrongly...

I asked him, "Ace, where is OSIM?"

He pointed to the exact same logo and told me, "OSIM..."

I asked my mum where she learnt that from and she said, "TV lah, where else?"

*faintz* LOGO leh.... usually not really significant mah.. and then i remembered that there is a gift giving show now sponsored by OSIM.. he probably watched the ad and seen the logo many times by now ;)

And then my mum laughed at me and said... "TV teach him things you also so happy.."

Well, I must say I am really happy to see my little boy growing up everyday.. at the same time, just worried that he might learn strange stuff...

But I remember that Jeff said.. "GUIDE YOUR CHILDREN ALONG.. dun tell them what to do and how tehy can contribute to the world. They know more than we do... Talk to them as if you will talk to your best friend. You wouldn't command your best fren to clean up his room or eat his food, will you?"

So I will trust that whatever he learns, it is to prepare him for his life purpose...

I just wonder hor, what has the phrase "chao barbie' got to do with his life purpose cos he is starting to say tat whenever he is happy again.. HAHAHAHHA.....

Sunday, January 06, 2008

I just realized that Ace is starting to speak more and more words in one sentence. Now, on the average he can do 3-4 word sentences and can say things like, "It is a car! It is a bicycle!"

I was really amused though the other day when he was playing with himself... he would rearrange all the plastic pipes that came in his goal post toy that Megan gave him.

After he finished arranging, he will clap his hands and wait for me and Waigong to clap for him. After he is done clapping, he will mess the whole thing up and declare, "One more time!"

I also dunno where he learnt that phrase and was really surprised to hear it. My mum says he probably learnt it from teacher Ivy at Shichida Method.

That is not so bad... a cause for worrying is that I noticed that he can say things like Santa Clause, christmas tree and sing Jingle Bells even though I did not teach him any of these at all! I suspect all this input came from all the TV that he watched... must be very careful about what programme he watches now man...

Saturday, January 05, 2008

Because Jensen's dad is overseas right now, he doesn't get to see him often... his mum told me that because of this, he seems to like and enjoy all sorts of male company...

I think Ace is very much the same as well.

When Daddy was away, Ace would be SOOOOOOOOOOO happy to see Nett Nett or Eddie because finally he gets a chance to do some male bonding.. something tat only his Dad could provide even though Waigong does spend time with him.

I guess it is diff to spend time with a young man and an old man.. haha ;)

Anyway, the other day, we girls wanted to do our girlie thing of trying our the new breast enhancement cream and so we made the guys wait outside while we went into the room to discuss how to massage and see if our chest really got much firmer after 10 min...

As for the men, they just sat outside and bonded via chips, drinks and football. Hahaha...

Ace was more than happy with that.. I think he was so happy he smashed the pretty xmas tree that Eddie gave to Jo last xmas.. oops...

Well, I think boys will be boys lah.. if Max were around.. Max would probably be also doing chips, drinks and football with his 'brothers'... hahaha...

Thursday, January 03, 2008

After so many POV workshops, I now know tat not wat I always think or say or do is wat I really want... and that is because our conscious mind is only 4% of the equation, the rest of the 96% which is the sub concious and unconcious mind is usually VERY well hidden ;)

So leh, sometimes in order to draw it out, we can use a variety of things like some simple transference exercises... or a simple method like drawing cards.

Because of this though, me and ah yee have been using our Love Decks and Conspiracy Decks to do some readings... so whenever we meet something that we are stuck in, we will draw cards to get inspiration about the way out...

And because it is fun, we always excitedly say, "Chou ka chou ka!" And in the end, Ace picked this up.

Nowadays, whenever he sees cards or sees those bags that we put the cards in with drawstrings, he goes, "chou ka!"

And once he sees the cards, he wants to pick them as well.

He has very good attitude.. many pple I know (eg, me) get upset when they get lousy cards.. or will repick their cards till they get the answer that they want... Ace doesnt do any of that.. he merely just says, "YEAH!" and moves on bravely to face the issue.

And the strange thing is that even if you do not believe in the unconcious mind... the world works in strange ways because somehow, Ace will always pick the same few cards out of the deck of 84 cards (which does not have any repeated designs). Usually, they are related to things like feeling unwanted, fear of inadequacy... very familiar cards as I get that alot as well :)

Even stranger, he will say out a name (eg, Daddy, Yeye, Ah Yee) and pick a card and the card will always VERY APTLY describe that person! I kid you not! Eg, if he says, "Papa" he always picks the independence conspiracy.. hahaa ;)

ChiChing, my STL teacher always says we rely too much on cards and laugh at us and say tat we are ka nu.. (which means card slaves)...

Anyway, because of this, I have declared him the youngest card slave in the world :)

Wednesday, January 02, 2008

I had wanted to get Ace a slingbag because he seemed to like bags with a sling ;)

Somehow though, he in the end after a year of being besotted with sling bags, he is starting to get fascinated with back packs...

In the end, my backpack became his toy as he would take it out, ask me to help him put it on, carry it and walk around the house, play ball with it.. exercise with it...

So the other day i was just telling Daddy maybe we should buy Ace a back pack... as a xmas gift.. turned out though.. Daddy said it seems tat Kingsley bought one for him while touring austrailia... haha.... heng we did not buy in the end... PHEW...

Tuesday, January 01, 2008

The other day, Ace was going through a "I must watch barney 24 hrs a day" sort of phase and so it was tough for the rest of the family because he would want to hog the tv to himself and watch barney and only barney... nothing else...

At night when my parents are home, everyone wants a change and wants to watch more adult oriented stuff like Chinese Drama serials but Ace insisted that he wants to watch MORE BARNEY.

By a sudden stroke of genius, I remembered tat we had a split screen function in the TV.. so we split the screen and let Ace watched barney silently as we watched the main progarmme in peace.

"He wouldnt want that one lah.. no sound.. he will like meh?" My father said initially.

Surprise surprise! He really sat down quietly to watch after that.

Alas once he realized that it is also possible to watch barney with sound using the split screen function, that was the end of our plan and we had to resort to reading subtitles...

Anyway, on hindsight, I guess that represented a huge split mind that I had at that point in my life as I was thinking of choosing between A and B. Just like Jeff said, the world is our mirror and wat we see in our world is what we are thinking in our minds...

After Jeff Allen's fantastic workshop, me now knows that I do not need to choose.. just commit to my happiness, integrate all these split minds and move forward... the truth will present itself to you ;)