On Friday I need to look my best because I want him to see what he has been missing, but I don't want to seem like I am trying to look my best, so since we are meeting at the pier, I will be wearing either a dress, or if the weather chills a bit, jeans and a t-shirt.I will though treat myself to a much needed skin care treatment by using my a face mask at night for those two nights prior to the meeting, deep condition my hair, run at the beach tomorrow and Friday morning to tan a bit, so I will have my natural beauty showing to match with my casual outfit and bang - he won't even know what hit him.

Mind you, I gained weight and have been doing good workouts, which made my butt bigger, my thighs and legs thicker and my hair is looking marvelous after I deep conditioned on Monday so I will turn heads everywhere we go.

meh - i am not interested in the meeting anymore. i have more important stuff to do such as copying and writing some things, studying, filling application for a volunteer position.... the only good thing out of meeting him is that he could get me a couple of E.

I left a message for him that I don't want to meet, he can call me and talk about whatever he wanted to meet me for on the phone.

Following Friday's conversation with my cousin, I've come to believe that we were doomed from the start. The dysfunction, mental-health disorders ... It's almost like we were destined to grow up to be the people that we are - depressed and unhappy with poor interpersonal relationships, parental issues, and a host of other issues. It's like a cycle with my family because each generation has the same issues.

I think I'm (still) depressed. That would explain my unhappiness with everything in my life and my inability to change. The good thing is that I want to change.

i need to be more mindful of who i allow in my life and understand what their predetermined purpose is and stick to that formula. Doing anything contrary will yield disastrous results, emotional or otherwise.

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