Blood, sweat, tears, and..shit, basically.

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None of us are simple souls, at least, not anymore. Not in this age.

I was never much of a ‘clique’ person, though I must admit, at one point, I did have a circle of friends that I’d spend most of my time with. You know, the usual, story sharing over drinks or a meal.

That’s all in the past now. Friends have moved on and well, let’s just say I’ve lost interest in the whole process and cycle of friendship. I’ve come to learn that in ‘cliques’, there is always someone in the middle. The one person which drives the group dynamic. A common factor, in the form of a person. One that people rally around.

Weak characters worship popularity.

Not all is lost, thankfully. Still, despite being a self-proclaimed loner, I often find myself caught between being an introvert and fighting off those dreadful pangs of loneliness that come my way some nights. Feelings that every so often drive me towards wanting to strike up that human to human connection every now and then while at the same time relishing the tranquility that comes by keeping to myself and keeping my head down, doing only what needs to be done and nothing more.

I’m cynical, when it comes to people. I see things. I notice the subtle body shifting and the split second squints. More often than not, I read people. I’ve been watching groups more recently. Watching how they come together and eventually fall apart. How some struggle to remain in the center while others toss around trying so desperately to stay relevant. Strong personalities coming head to head with one another while the weak circle around them, just waiting for the next person to worship with their social media attention giving capabilities. Yes, it is one huge network of making each other feel wanted.

The human connection we once knew is dying, with the world being as connected as it is today. Ironic, isn’t it. Social media being what it is today makes keeping updated about your friends’ activities that much easier. The latest, all at the tip of your fingers. No more having to have that monthly meet up with your old pal to hear about her skydiving trip. No more. It’s all been made redundant – but we’re not ready to accept that reality. Not just yet.

That’s why we click the refresh button again and again. That’s why we check for updates every chance we get. We’re looking. Looking for that connection that we’ve lost, only we’re looking in all the wrong places. It’s too late now. We’ve come too far and we’re never going back, at least, not by our own will.

But that’s life, is it not? Jumping from one addiction to another, the whole time trying to weigh the associated cost and benefits of different types of fixes and highs.

People today meet one another for one fundamental reason. They need something from the other person. Sometimes trivial, like wanting to check out a new eatery with someone instead of going at it alone or sometimes, something bigger. That obligatory need to have someone to spend the rest of your life with (or most of your time now) that is, sometimes, misunderstood as the feeling we so often call ‘love’. The same feeling that consumes us in whole every time the relationship falls apart. The idea of ‘love’ is starting to look more and more like nothing but a human concoction, though admittedly, not all is bad. If it works, it works.

Nothing is going to change overnight. People will be people and we’re only that much different from sheep. Most people go through life without that spark in their eye. Most people willingly, with open arms, invite the routine into their lives, like it’s a good thing. They spend their entire lives going through motions without one second of real, genuine, independent thought.

And you, reading this. Maybe you know better. Or maybe you’re just now starting to realize it.

Either way, it makes for good people watching. This time, in groups. Watch the undercurrents shift with the winds of human emotion and artificial needs. Observe as the group falls apart just as soon as necessity is thrown out the window or when the needs of the individual are no longer tied to that of the group.

Then again, maybe it’s just me. One thing I know though.

Not all sad people are lonely, and not all lonely people are sad. People can die on the inside, even in groups. The people that tell you how sad it is for people to be alone are the ones that drown in insecurity whenever they’re not surrounded by people who share the same insecurity. People who give it as good as they take it (lest they be kicked out of the group). Making each other feel wanted makes up most of what we have left of friendship in the real world today.

Some see it, and become cynical as I am about the whole thing. Some deny it, and go along with the groups and cliques, jerking each other off through different phases of life, one group to another. Few actually manage to get a taste of the real deal, if it even exists anymore.

The same conversations over and over. The lies and manipulation revolving around getting people to fulfill your needs. The sorry excuses for never having time for the other person just because you find no incentive in meeting up. All of that, we can do without.

The human connection, something that we don’t see very often anymore. We’ve all felt it at some point. You know, the few seconds of you hanging out with someone, that moment where it feels like nobody needs to say anything. The other person or people are just there, and that’s okay. That’s nice. That’s all it has to be. Nothing more and nothing less.

The irony in social media is in it’s supposed purpose of connecting the world. The more we ‘connect’ online, the less of a need we feel to actually get in touch with people, face to face.

As for cynicism, me, having lived the life I’ve lived for as long as I have lived it, I’ve come to learn that sometimes, it is the brightest smiles that hide the darkest intentions.