I Hate Winter!

This is going to be a bit of a rant...but I am getting sick and tired of winter. Enough already! How many snows have we had? Twenty or 25? I've lost count. And don't get me started about ice storms. Even when the weather warms up, like today. We still haven't had any sunshine in way too long.

I guess I'm whining a little because we had to postpone my birthday party due to bad weather. Yes, The Old Lady got a little older last week. I'm 46 now. I don't mind telling people because I like birthdays and I like being alive! The Hubster was taking me to Wichita for dinner and a movie with the girls and my mom, but we'll have to wait until the weather is better. Whenever that might be!

My birthday gift from The Hubster was a winner. He bought me a new digital camera! A Canon Elph, just like my daughters have. I'm really excited to learn all about it. Soon I will be emailing photos to friends and family and uploading funny shots on this very blog!

The crappy weather has given me a chance to finish reading Mockingbird and zip right through The Sunflower by Richard Paul Evans. A quick read that had romance and travel, two of my favs!

The Hubster and I watched two great videos last weekend. We pulled the couch around to face the TV, added pillows, a blanket and sprinkled liberally with cats. The original War of the Worlds (1953)was so great. Rachel loves the scene where the alien is shown through the window, waving his arms in the air. It's campy fun! We also watched Only You, a romantic comedy with Marisa Tomei and Robert Downey, Jr. The setting is Italy, a place I fantasize about often. Maybe someday!

I worked out at FitZone twice last week, and at home on the treadmill twice. (The weather!) Anyway, that makes four times a week, two weeks in a row! I have also noticed that my t-shirts are fitting better on my hips. I believe I have a lost a little more in that area. Yippee!

The cold, wet weather makes me crave heavy food, though. I have to be careful about that. Bought more salad at the store today. I'm trying to increase my herbal tea intake, too. That warms the belly and the bones!

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The Shepherd was meant to be a gift for my 50th birthday, but it ended up being so much more.

I found the painting while visiting a friend in our new local hospital. They have a small gallery of local artists' work. When I rounded a corner and saw it for the first time, I was mesmerized. A small flock of sheep were led down a tree-lined path by their shepherd, while a sneaky fox peeked out from behind a nearby tree.

Never leaving my memory for long, I contemplated the painting and its meaning. I even dreamt of walking down that tree-lined pathway. The price was very dear, so I knew it was not meant for me to own this beautiful work of art.

When February 2012 came, I had my usual well-woman exam and mammogram. However, the breast exam showed abnormalities, so I had to have a follow-up needle biopsy. Being diagnosed with breast cancer on my 50th birthday was a bit of a cruel joke. Honestly, I can't remember much about the rest of that day. There was definitely no party.

Let's get real. I'm not a perfect Christian, not a perfect wife, not a perfect mother. When you read what I put in my blog posts, you get only a small snapshot of my life.

Fact: I have battled cyclical depression most of my adult life. Since I am high-functioning, most people don't know if they see me in person. Throwing myself into work and other projects helps me cope.

Fact: One of my daughters has not spoken to me since May 2015. I miss her deeply, love her unconditionally and wish her only the best. The pain of that loss is profound.

Fact: The struggle I have with self-worth is constant and stressful. You can tell when it's getting the best of me when my hair is uncut for months, nails are bitten short and weight is up. I simply don't feel I am worthy.

Before you start thinking I've boarded the Self-Pity Train, let me assure you--I still have hope. It's a tiny glimmer some days, but I know He won't let me down.

Whoa. I did not expect all the feedback from last week's blog post. This week, I want to tell you why I wrote what I did.

Lately, when readers comment on my posts, they say it was great, or they needed to hear it. The ones I really cringe at are "You're such a good Christian," or "You know so much about the Bible."

While I strive to be closer to God, I'm no saint. I don't want to be held up as a paragon to anyone. Maturing in the faith is what I want to accomplish. We all have our own journey.

The tiny glimmer of hope I wrote about last week has become a bit stronger. My daughter and I spoke yesterday and we have plans to visit again in a few months. Because I want to honor and respect her privacy, this is the last time I will write about our relationship on the blog.

Dear readers and friends, thank you for your spiritual intervention on my behalf. I have felt these prayers in my soul.