JIM wants to be castrated. He?s a convicted paedophile
who has served 18 months of a three year sentence for two counts of
indecent assault and one of gross indecency. The victims were his
step granddaughters.

Jim has been released from jail on a probation licence. He is having
treatment but believes chemical castration may be the only way to stop
other children becoming his victims.

?I?m on the police register now. I?m on that register for 10 years. I?ve
made sure that I tell people what I?ve done - my vicar, my doctor,
anyone I have prolonged contact with.

?But I?m serious when I say I?ll volunteer for castration. I don?t
deserve or want anyone?s sympathy. I just want to know how I feel,? he
says.

Jim is a short, stocky, middle-aged man, resting frequently on a black
walking stick. Long, grey hair hangs down over his collar, onto a brown
leather jacket. His voice is thickened with a north-western accent. The
hands tremble and the fingers clasp each other nervously, stained from a
lifetime?s addiction to nicotine.

Jim is full of remorse for what he did, and more frequently for himself.
He claims his childhood was messed up, tells how his dad drank, how he
left school at 14 with no qualifications and consigned himself to a life
of meaningless jobs.

?Right afterwards I was a nervous wreck, I thought 'what have I done? If
somebody says something I'm for it. But there were lots of other
feelings as well.?
? JIM

He ended up in Vickers ship building yard and became an industrial
ambulanceman, his best job, before being sacked. At the same time, Jim
didn?t have a proper girlfriend - apart from the girl living next door -
until he was 24 and he was still a virgin when he met his first wife.

He?s now been married and divorced three times, and has had a lifetime
of drifting from job to job, the dole, through depressions, a conversion
to Christianity, losing his two children and watching a girlfriend die
from a drugs overdose right in front of him. He even tried to commit
suicide himself once, taking an overdose. His second wife saved him.

The abuse began when he met his third wife via a lonely hearts column.
He claims he wasn?t looking for a family with young children. ?Anybody
would have done,? he said. ?I just wanted somebody. As it happened,
though, this one did have two teenage daughters - one had got a little
boy of five months old and one was pregnant.?

His wife was an ex-Hells Angel. She was also a former abuse victim
herself. Both her teenage daughters had children. Jim moved in with
them. Six months later they were married. ?She told me she wanted
someone who could change her, stabilise her. Her life until then was
just heavy rock and fellas,? he said.

Still, his wife would at times go on drinking binges, or go missing,
leaving him at home with the kids. The house became crowded, with
boyfriends and ex-boyfriends moving in and out of the spare room with
one or other of the teenage daughters.

After six years, the relationship split. But he had always got on well
with the children who called him ?Grandad Jim?.

"You say you're sorry, but what else can you do? There's nothing you can
do about it."
? JIM

?They thought more of me than their parents or any other member of the
family, so consequently I saw a lot of them and I did everything for
them as well. I was really close to them,? he said.

The abuse for which Jim was eventually convicted occured when he went to
visit his step daughters, who had moved into new homes after he split
from his wife. ?I can?t offer any excuse for it,? he makes clear before
continuing.

He visited the eldest daughter for Christmas one year. He claims he was
led on by her six-year-old daughter after he returned home drunk one
night - an abdication of responsibility which therapists say is typical
of many convicted paedophiles.

Jim committed acts of gross indecency against her in a bathroom.

?Right afterwards I was a nervous wreck, I thought ?what have I done? If
somebody says something ?I?m for it?. But there were lots of other
feelings as well,? he said.

He admits he was excited. He was a Christian at the time, ?something
else to be ashamed of as well.? He returned again for another visit.
This time he abused one of the girls at bath time but when she went
downstairs she innocently revealed some of what he had done to her
mother.

?I tried to deny it but they got the child support and it all came out,?
he said.

Jim?s manner is methodical. He admits he fantasised about the girls. He
thinks even to this day that they were the only ones who respected him,
loved him, and who didn?t judge him. With adults he says he was a
doormat. ?But the kids didn?t and I got closer and closer to the kids.?

Of course there was always a fight between the logical part of his mind
and his desires. He admits the selfish side won. ?You don?t see anything
except what you?re doing. If you knew how you were hurting them, you
wouldn?t do the offence.?

Two months after committing the assault Jim was arrested, whilst living
with another woman in another part of the country.

He denied everything. ?I just didn?t want to go to jail - I was scared,?
he said.

However, he eventually pleaded guilty as the kids were going to be
called to court to give evidence. He got three years and lived under
Rule 43, whereby sex offenders and those in personal danger are
segregated from other offenders. Jim got no treatment while inside. He
says it was a breeding ground for paedophiles.

Coming out in August 1995, Jim went onto his current Probation Service
treatment programme. ?I?ve come to terms with who I am and I?m not going
to do it again. I would sooner kill myself than let it happen again,? he
said.

As part of his treatment, he?s been made to look at how his actions
affected his victims, which has been the hardest thing he?s had to face.
He knows that what he?s done might have affected them for the rest of
their lives. ?You say you?re sorry, but what else can you do? There?s
nothing you can do about it.?

He?s lost friends and family members as a result of his convictions. Two
brothers have been assaulted because of it. His elderly mum still sticks
by him, although she told him she wished he was dead when she first
heard what he had done.