"They are uglier. I think we have to be honest with our fans and ourselves first of all."

After the unveiling of a series of unorthodoxes noses, Fernando Alonso admits he is just not that in to the 2014 crop of F1 cars.

"They look like they have a stunning car, and usually the more beautiful it is the faster it is. I'm sure they'll have a very quick car."

Lewis Hamilton disagrees with his old rival however, insisting Red Bull's RB10 is actually pretty easy on the eye.

"I said it was going to be like this … a total farce…..They talk about saving fuel. They don't need these new engines to achieve that. They should get smaller motorhomes."

After seeing limited running on the opening day in Jerez, Bernie Ecclestone issues a late and rather empty "I told you so"….

"Even, however, making allowances for the lapse of time and Mr Ecclestone's age, I am afraid that I find it impossible to regard him as a reliable or truthful witness……The payments were a bribe."

…But Ecclestone should perhaps be more concerned with the closing statements of Justice Newey with a bribery court case still to come.

"It gets exciting when we get to racing again."

The master of deadpan Kimi Raikkonen leaves no doubts about his true opinions of pre-season testing.

"Seb, meanwhile has sent us a postcard, and says he's really sorry for all the fuss. He'll be back soon but has decided to chill for a while by spending a couple of weeks watching daytime soaps and eating crisps 'round at Mark's house."

Red Bull makes light of Sebastian Vettel's intense rivalry with former team-mate Mark Webber. We assume the soap would have been Neighbours.