Sunday, August 16, 2009

On Remembering

We took a rare day of total sabbath in our household today. And I finally finished the write up of Caroline's birth story that I've been working on on and off since the end of December. I want to review what I wrote today and make a few corrections here and there, but eventually I'll make a pdf of the file and anyone who isn't afraid to see a few somewhat revealing pictures- boobs mostly... sometimes a bit more... no really graphic birth pictures, we don't have any of those- is welcome to read it.

I am so grateful for this blog as I could not have reconstructed much of the story without the updates that we were posting here. Which made me realize... I really wish I were blogging at least a little bit every day. So much is lost from the memory by the time Friday rolls around and therefore will likely be lost forever. Almost every day there is some moment worth remembering... and I let them slip like sand through the fingers.

For example, my mom asked me yesterday how many days I spent on campus last week which made me realize I hadn't shared that in the weekly update. I spent four out of five days on campus AND spent my first 9-5 day on campus... and that was hard... 9-3 days were frustrating because almost 2 hours got taken up with pumping breaks, etc. 9-5 was more productive certainly, but... I really missed Caroline by 5... and realized how much of her life I was missing as it unfolded. It was poignant, bittersweet. This will be life most days in just one short week. And I had my first taste of it this week. She was sound asleep in the car when Kev picked me up. And shortly after we got home and did dinner it was time for bed. I am being blessed with HUGE smiles when I come home, or come into the room she's in after working in my closed up office. This is sweet, but sad too.

Our precious, long awaited baby girl is growing so quickly... and I want to pay close enough attention to be able to remember these sacred days. And it is so easy to let my attention become divided. I pray for the grace to make the most of the time I have with her.

4 comments:

It is so hard to be away from our precious little ones. It seems from an outsider what a great job you are doing paying attention and recording and remembering. Even if every week isn't complete, it's so much more than I've recorded.

For an extra smile I hope...this evening Baby Girl was sitting on my lap watching tv because that's what I needed after my day. I had the laptop next to me and was reading your blog. Baby Girl would glance occasionally to the computer away from the tv--she must have saw it move when I scrolled. When she saw the pic of Caroline in the chair, she pointed and got a big smile. I said, "Do you see the baby?" and she started making kissing noises. It was all I could do to keep her from climbing on the computer and kissing the screen!