You might think that you’re looking at a simple picture of Tommy Girl spending some quality time with Blue Ivy’s arch rival Suri Cruise at Disneyland in Anaheim, but some serious business is going down here. This isn’t fun-having. This is training. When Xenu finally beams himself down to earth and queefs out a billion thetans that will plug up our plumbing pipes, preventing our men from having “cleansing” time with their “bros” in the steam sauna, spinning space pods will land to take us to the promise planet. So Tommy isn’t having fun, he’s preparing himself for the spinning pod. That’s why every time you stick out your finger and tell him to sit and spin, he shrugs and does it.

If you were ever doubting that celebwhores get special treatment, slap yourself and then come back to these pictures. Like that midget bitch Tommy is really tall enough to ride that ride. Every Disney employee turned their head when Suri gave Tommy a lift so the top of his hair touched that line.

Also, I’m pretty sure Suri is a Juggalette now. She’ll take her barley water with a shot of Faygo.

Also also, now I know why the boys in the sauna call him Tea Party Tom. By day, he’s the tea bag in a teacup and by night he’s tea bagging at tea parties.

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