Italian Premier: Let’s Suspend Soccer for Two or Three Years Because of Scandal

For those of you who missed it, Italy has been rocked over the past year with a major soccer match-fixing scandal with more than 50 people arrested so far, including Lazio captain Stefano Mauri.

Not Stefano, you say? Yes, Stefano. Our beloved Stefano allegedly went over to the dark side.

It’s gotten so bad, that the new premier of Italy, Mario “I’m Not the One Who Slept With Underage Prostitutes” Monti is suggesting that they best way to cure the problem of match-fixing in that country would be to completely suspend all soccer matches for “two or three years.” A so-called soccer “death penalty.”

Monti goes on to say that that’s just his personal opinion and is not legally binding, but it does raise a question that’s been on everyone’s mind: can you root out the undesirable elements in sports if you shut it down for years at a time? Or will the bad guys just go on to another sport (say women’s beach volleyball) and come back when the ban is over?

And what are Italian men to do with no pro soccer games? Stay home and talk to their wives? Hah!