An object is what you make of it, and if you feel like using a dildo as a watch, I say Go For It! People use the wrong thing as the right thing every day! I got a couple gift cards for Christmas, right? On the back they insisted that I used a coin to scratch and reveal my code. You know what I used instead? You guessed it! Another gift card! Because, after all, what are gift cards but the coin of the modern era. They’re like digital currency. Some kind of coin, of bits. A bitcoin, if you will. And if I know you, which I do, you will.

So, if you have a few bitcoins laying around (as much as digital currency is able to lay, you may need to purchase a digital table or some other kind of surface for your bitcoins to lay on, perhaps a Microsoft Surface, which I believe you can purchase through some vendors using those very bitcoins you want to leave laying about!) —

Okay, let’s get real. While writing that parenthetical, I forgot how I was planning on ending the sentence leading up to it. Yikes, this was a terrible post. I really just wanted to avoid having to talk about dildos and butts, but now I’ve gone and brought it up. Sorry.