Too early? Blame my eager-beaver crimbo-elf of a colleague who has been burdening my life with the Ultimate Christmas Countdown. Since August.

So I am now kinda in the spirit of things – not that I should be. Somehow I have still managed to spend more than I wanted to on gifting. Blame my ever-expanding family. My siblings need to stop procreating – at least for a few months. I intended to be the ultimate scrooge and use my perfectly good excuse of saving for a mortgage to curb my spending, and justify the lumps of coal my nieces and nephews would have found in their little stockings hanging by the open fire. I couldn’t bring myself to do it, their wee little chubby-cherub faces… So like last year (when my excuse was saving for a wedding) I have given in. Only little gifts, but still somehow my account is back in the red. Bah Humbug.

My AC really needs to get back to Black. I love all things black, this is a well known fact. I have an appetite for Gothic things; leather, lace, spikes, patent, mesh, velvet…. BDSM… Its a stark contrast to the all-white Catholic ideologies I was raised with. I was going to wear a white wedding dress though – give me that much credit. I dunno, maybe this dark affair is a rebellion? I’ve tried to wear a bit more colour over the years, but recently i’ve found myself happily plunged back into the abyss – where I am most at peace.

It doesn’t help that all I listen to lately is Trap Music – All Black Everything. Finally, people are beginning to understand that just about everything is better in Noir!

So here is my very alternative Wishlist. Oh Santa baby!

1. Mom Jeans, River Island

2. Leather Basebal Jersey, Vintage

3. Patent Mesh Bag, Topshop

4. Leather Snake Print Shoe, OFFICE SHOES

5. True Coral Lipstick, Tom Ford

6. Suede Fringe Duffle Bag, Topshop

7. Quilted Bralette, Topshop

8. Mesh High Waist Knicker, Topshop

9. Mesh Maxi Dress, Asos

10. Leather Biker Jacket, Whistles

11. Metal Ankle Strap Leather Court, Zara

Note how nearly everything is see-through, now i’ve dropped a few pounds (more than a few but I figured I would be modest ya know) I seem to have absolutely no shame or hesitation in wearing openly BDSM numbers in public. I am so grateful fashion has made a nosedive into filth – I have been yearning to display my freaky bits for oh-so long.

All these wonderful things are available to buy this season.

I am trying my very hardest not to purchase them right now, considering T’is the season for giving and all that. However, my birthday is just around the corner so I guess I can get away with a few “To…me, From… me” purchases next paycheck….

I am a firm believer in the saying; “Do it once, do it right”. I tend to like to apply this quote just about anywhere to just about anything. Hair, make-up, a task at work (albeit that somehow doing tasks a multitude of times to suit multiple opinions seems to be the option chosen by all but me) relationships and buying clothing, gifts and accessories. You see, it is all to easy to fail, especially if you act in haste.

‘Fail to prepare and prepare to fail”. – Unknown

My friends know I am the last in and last out. Punctuality is not my middle name. I habitually wait until the last possible minute for anything. However, I seem to have the last laugh because I avoid awkward moments such as: Arriving to a party first out of every invitee and waiting, trying not to look like a loner, trying not to spend all the nights petty cash on ‘waiting time drinks’, trying to avoid that creepy-seedy-looking guy at the bar waiting for you whilst you’re waiting for them. In fact, my time-keeping may be shit, but I never waste time; I have a nose for arriving just when its hot, or buying things at the best possible moment. Black-Friday is my middle name. Also, I do things once. Get things done. Do shit right… right at the last moment but right. So whilst all y’all early birds have too much time for error. I leave no room for it. It is a skill I shall so audaciously declare.

Yes I am that irritating Ebay Bidder that ‘oh-so-happens’ to get in there when there is 4sec to go on the clock. Thats right you silly early bidders whom wrench the price up with your all-too-eager premature ejaculatory selves! One lucky lastminute.com-find I managed to bag was indeed this awesome Leather Borg number. Yes I have posted about it before, but I thought I would brag post about it and another last min find; RiRi’s Talk That Talk Lipstick for Mac. I managed on the day, as I do, to casually rock into Harvey Nic’s London while there were just two left. I bought both. It was 9.32am on the launch day. *Two steps like a boss*.

But sometimes I am just plain old fast-assed. I decided, when there was far too much excess month at the end of my paycheck, that I would be quick footed and buy a ‘DUPE’ version of the Vagabond Boot. The Libby Heeled Lace-Up in OFFICE carried a weighty price-tag of £100. Despite knowing that an OFFICE-in-house-resident friend of mine would score me a discount – if I waited until the following month. I was eager-beager and wandered into Topshop, carelessly stumbled across their Astrix Platform Lace-up Boot and somehow, they ended up leaving the store with me for a snippit of the price of the Vagabond’s.

Topshop’s Astrix Lace-up Boot

Office’s Vagabond Libby Lace-up Boot

… And after a few weeks of wearing the poorly-crafted-clonks, they ended up leaving me with a snippit of my baby toes intact. I HAVE NEVER HAD A CORN IN MY LIFE! *whimpers*

Teaches me not to wear brand clothing in the Office where I work. He is the PR Top Dog-Stroke-Top-Bitch… and I’m the newbie. Part and parcel of the pecking order I guess. I should have retorted, “Bitch I’m Fabulous! And its Stacy Dash – Thanks – ”

But I didn’t. Great witty comebacks never spring to mind in time do they?

I love him really, he is so fierce, and he saunters (literally dips the hips and clicks) around the office as if he can prevent everyone else’s shit from stinking. Ever-fragrant and fabulous, ever-singing and cracking the funniest jokes – and he effortlessly digs at and disses everyone else in the office. Its like Joan Rivers’ Fashion Police but live and up close. In the end he proclaimed, “Oh and sugar, for the record I LOVE the look. Rockin’ the Plaid, I love a bit of Plaid…” I bet you do, lovely bit of Tart’ on a wee Johnny Scotsman, sans undergarments. Love you too boo.

Levi’s Denim Jacket, Vintage

Lace Crop Top, River Island

Strapless Bra, Wonderbra

Plaid Skirt, American Apparel

Maroon Belt, American Apparel

Fishnet Tights, Accessorize

Pop Socks, Accessorize

Buckle Shoe Boots, Office Shoes

Studded Holdall, River Island

Watch, Diesel

And it doesn’t stop there, anything with a Tartan lining is also something I hopelessly love. So a good old Vintage Harrington Jacket is a wardrobe staple. A little This Is England 86. Awesome Brit Flick. Usually, I team this up with some Skinny Ankle Grazers, but I thought I would glam the look up with some high-waisted shorts. I have worn the crop top again to demonstrate how you can get more out of fashion basics and inserts. I think a Bowling Tee would look cute also, or a Striped Sleeveless number.

Harrington Jacket, Vintage

High-Waisted Shorts, American Apparel

Hair Clip, American Apparel

Brogues, Dr Martens

Necklace and Earrings, Accessorize

I love Vintage Brit Landmarks, Icons and novelty thrifty finds. I’m also a big fan of British Motor Vehicals, like the Mini. My mother had a Mini back in the 90s. Such a cute little car, we were like a family of clowns piling into it. She crashed it into Safeways. She was always a shit driver and I damn the examiner whoever passed her. Nostalgic love for a Mini though, despite the trauma of the 90’s…. so one day – if ever I pass my driving test (I’m sure vehicle-retardation is genetic) I would totally have a little Mini on my wishlist.

So I have also decided to throw a little tutorial into this post, I know that I need to get onto this Video Blogging Band Wagon, but I want to do my first video in October to mark the 1 year anniversary of my blog! So you guys will have to deal with a pictorial for now.

Its all about Ombre lips, yes thats right, put the peroxide down, we are so over the Dip-Dye hair. I’ve always loved ombre lips. However, they weren’t always cool or done very well back in the day. My first memory of this trend was of all the Nigerian women in church: Black Lipliner + Gold Frosted Lipstick. All so effortlessly NOT blended. However, I give credit to trend-setters where credit is due, regardless of the tax I apply for ultimate failure to blend or chose harmonic shades. So I dedicate this pictorial to you Mama Africa.

1. Prep Lips by exfoliating and moisturising. Lush Cosmetics do a great Sugar Scrub in Bubblegum. I moisturise with FushiShea Butter.

2. Line Lips with a Deep Plum Lip Liner, I have gone with Vino from MAC Cosmetics.

3. Fill Outside edges of Lips with a Burgundy or Deep Red or Purple Lipstick, I have opted to go with Diva from MAC Cosmetics.

4. Fill the inner crease of lips with a solid Red, I have chosen RiriWoo from MAC Cosmetics to finish this look.

I have been following the fantastic progress of Mr Gugu & Miss Go for sometime now, it is wonderful to witness their success in the ever over-saturated retail market. Their carefully planned launch coincided nicely with the nod to 90s trend that has taken the fashion world by storm. As you guys know – I love 90s fashion – yet Gugu is doing something different, innovative even. Yeah, printed Tees and leggings have been done for sometime now, but the witty graphic prints Gugu have radicalized offer something different. Careful and concise thought has been put into what crazy graphics, materials and hues are used – the psychedelic nature of them make it evident that the graphic designers were possibly on a seriously funky trip when pulling the collection together. Everything about them screams, “we get high all day e’rrrry day…” From the various emotions one can experience during a serious trip – ecstasy, hyperactivity, sloth-mode, invincibility, enlightenment, anger, lust and the post high munchies… not that I know much about getting high – The only high I know is the experience of 8 inch platforms. Brownie Scout Promise.

So I took a stroll down to the beloved Box Park where my precious Mr Gugu were taking over the joint in a popup shop. There I met two lovely Gugu Gals, who entertained me with their passion and knowledge of the brand. I walked out with a massive grin on my face, two fab Gugu buys and money in my pocket after receiving a generous discount – Blog-Love Perks! I returned later for a Gugu party where I was showered with free drinks and music, and goodtimes with newfound Gugu friends and fellow Gugu Gagas. A saturday well spent me thinks!

I’m so dope-boy-fresh! So at the moment I am really loving bomber jackets and fishnets! I have to admit I have grown a fondness for cycling shorts. I am now a self-proclaimed Gym Bunny… As cellulite had begun to not only monopolise my body and stake permanent residency, but once fat was evicted last year successfully, in a fit of revenge it returned earlier this year and bought along with it siblings, parents, lodgers and squatters. You know how the body has that thing called Muscle Memory? Well fat has memory too, it remembers exactly where it last was on your body, like the Terminator its chilling motto is, “I’ll be back…” So back to the gym I go, to make fat cry through sweat and tears. More sweat less tears, the idea of fat dripping from eyes is scary and unwarranted.

Twerkin’ is also a good fat-buster, no doubt the makers of Insanity and Zumba will release a TwerkSonic DVD collection soon to be sold on Bid TV and other wholesale channels… I am cringing in advance.

I have been doing just fine – usually the sun makes me incredibly grouchy… itchy, irritable, sweaty, dehydrated, dry-haired. arid-skinned and sloth-like are my usual summer statuses… This year something is seemingly different…So much newness has entered my life recently; at last I have an awesome new dream job, newfound friends, new hair, new clothes new attitude… y’all get the picture.

But it hasn’t been entirely. “out with the old”… Sure I put most of my closet on ebay, and most of my life in the recycling! However, all what is cherished has remained close at heart… but my oh my have I had some fun and frolics in this sun… I am literally like a cat in heat – all these happy hormones have bought a smile to many-a-face! Alley-cat maneuvers…

I finally managed to get some of the stuff on that wish list I posted a while back. One of those things were the absolutely ‘grunge-geous’ Cut-Out Buckle Boot Shoe from OFFICE! I have added them to my ever-growing alternative shoe collection. Alternative is how I describe nearly all my shoes; I don’t really posses anything relatively normal, acceptable or anything that abides with the common workplaces Health & Safety code. Just like new shoes I like to break new audiences in gradually; week by week my shoes have gotten kookier and kookier… sometimes I really do think I am pushing it. I wore fishnet stockings last week with leather shorts in what can only be described as something only Rhianna is allowed to wear – Sure, I got some surprised-yet-intrigued looks, but I thought, “F*ck it” – by next year everyone will be wearing this shit and it will be perfectly acceptable!

Just like it seems to be acceptable for girls aged 12 and above to wear what can only be described as denim thongs – the (ass)cheek of them calling them Vintage Denim Shorts. Ass hanging out all over the place. Nah, it’s not a good look. I willl be ranting about this in a later post. I will call it, “Who Likes Short Shorts?”

Also I am finally loving my new hair. I had a non-so-great hair cuts a few months back. I allowed myself to stupidly get talked into layering my just-grown-out-of-layers-only-need-a-trim tresses. BIG MISTAKE. The hairdresser at Shine on The Green was amazing, but I really wasn’t happy with the cut. Too choppy. I never learn. So I wore it curly for what seemed like an eternity to disguise the ‘chop-suey’ hairdo. I then got a Brazillian Blowdry, courtesy of my bestie, and yesterday had an awesome ‘Wash, Cut and Blowdry’ by a gentleman called Douglas at my local Coiffeurs Buzz Cuts….. wait for it….. for a bargain £23.00! Cant go wrong with that price. So I am super-happy with my silky tresses. The layers have been leveled out and my hair is back on its journey to waist length!

So we are almost half-way through 2013… I’m not sure how we have managed already to get five months into the year. The months have gone by so very quickly. This makes me feel a tad uneasy. I feel like my life is hurtling through time at 1000mph. Too fast. However, the speed gives me some relief; in all honesty I can not wait for this year to be over. 2013 has sucked for me thus far but I’m faithful in thinking that life can only get better from here? *Cue Drakes “Started From The Bottom” Track*. If Drake’s music is not to your taste try “The Only Way Is Up“, by Yazz and the Plastic Population instead. Either way, I’m sure you guys are with me on the poetic thought that when your down at the lowest level, with nowhere lower to go – upwards is the only option. Speaking of Hip-Hop and Popular 80s-90s music – Fashion has been rather pimped-up and thugged-out as of late – as you know I love this era being the latest inspiration for clothing design and that – but I think retailers (and teeny boppers) are still going overkill on it; the high-street now looks like Fat Joe choked up on a Big Mac and threw up all over Oxford Street. Huff. One of the reasons that I’m up sh*t creek without a paddle is the fact that I’m almost flat broke… I’m at present on a career break and to be honest, what I thought would be a liberating sabbatical experience is really a dire styling disaster. I can’t buy nada! To make things worse, my appetite for new “garmz” has suddenly inflated; Poetic Justice?

So I created a WISHLIST for May 2013; literally a collage of all the stuff I really wish I could afford.

So have fun clicking on my favourites and spending your hard earned cash and that… (hating much?) These picks are perfect for festival season. I am IN LOVE with the Lazy Oaf Cat Leggings – being a mad cat lady and all.. and the Judgement Day Print Sweater from Mr Gugu & MissGo is overly DOPE. You guys know how I feel about “see through” garments – so simply yet sexy – Motel have punked up the uber-feminine summer Baby Doll with black transparent mesh. I’m thinking nipple coverings, sans bra a la Iggy Azalea? Work, Work, Work ,Work, Working on my….

Good luck getting your mits on that limited edition Rhianna “RiRiWoo” Lipstick at MAC. OMG its lush – might have to just be added to my lipstick collection *breaks into piggy bank for small change*.

In my most humble opinion, Margaret Thatcher was a super stylish kinda chick in her day. Thatcher cared about fashion; often calling on personal stylists to dress her for political events and appearances. Like HRH the Queen, she cared about modesty, the importance of colour, fabric and cuts. She had a staple sense of fashion: simple yet effective. She had her ‘go to’ pieces and an iconic way of outfitting; forever in a midi skirt with matching jacket, not forgetting a handbag in tow, Thatcher reigned supreme. I feel I am too young and inexperienced with politics to discuss her controversial impact on the nation with the policies she enforced whilst at her height in governing the UK etc… Even if I was enlightened slightly with TheIron Lady film and the recent constant bombardment of news media covering her life in full – I still wouldn’t use my blog to air my conclusions. I love being frank with you guys, I use my blog to talk openly about my thoughts and feelings as and when – even slipping the odd overly personal detail (which I am sure you guys love) but there are limits and boundaries – It is a Style Blog after all? So style shall be the prime focus, the focus of this stylish woman in her prime has been the inspiration for my latest outfit!

I received this wonderful pullover blouse from Cats Eyes Boutique after my modeling stint on ASOS Marketplace. Its a wonderful gift and very Ode de Thatcher – So I thought I would do this piece justice by pairing it with a prim and proper midi skirt – this one from Topshop is great; its not as thin as the regular mini/tube skirts and the material is a little softer. I purchased my midi two sizes smaller than usual, as I didn’t want any “give” at the bottom. The amazing platform shoes from OFFICE are part of a “Wooded” range they have currently. I think a wooded wedge is so current and a much needed ‘move on’ from the traditional espadrille sole unit. The straps are comfortable, and are buttoned with plenty sizing holes. The gold squared buckle is a nice touch also. These shoes look really expensive, however they are under the £60 marker – thats a lot of shoe for little money, considering the competitor offers are circa £90! The only thing missing from this outfit is a Mulberry Black Bayswater Tote – a quintessentially british designer bag that I just know The Iron Lady would apporve of…

Hope you are all well?
It seems Spring has finally made a much welcomed appearance in old London Town – about freaking time!
So I have come to the timely end of my “One Flick Kinda Chick” post, if you haven’t yet read the first two installments scroll down or click “previous” on the tab above this post. I really have enjoyed using Cult Classic movies as the stimuli to my outfits this month. It gave me an excuse to wear what most dare not, put a hoochy frock or two on, and have a bit of role play in my life. I enjoyed embodying all those crazy and outlandish characters – I also enjoyed the public reactions, the pervy ones less so. I still maintain my theory that everything was better in the 80’s and 90’s; films, fashion, music, travel costs, holiday fees and tax rates. However it appears that I’m not the only one reaching for that nostalgic wardrobe number every now and then. The high-street are killing it; every mannequin has a stupid beanie hat and string vest on. Chunky boots and batty-riding-fanny-skimming shorts on. Killing my damn vibe. Good job I like to skipthrough eras, I’m kinda over this whole – 1994: Lil’ Kim-when-she-used-to-date-Biggie look. Every chick aged 17-28 now looks the same: Beanie Hat – Check. Varsity Jacket – Check. High Waisted Denim Shorts – Check. Slogan-Bearing Oversized Tee – Check. Ali-G Chaps Chain – Check. Dr Martens – Check. I’m done. Over it. Roll on the next trend please?

I am in love with this dress. Although I am not a fan of anything too feminine, this studded (…and very ‘boobie’), faux-leather number from the Oh My Love Concession at Topshop is pretty awesome! As much as I love the idea of an all in one leather jumpsuit affair – I’m not a fan of uber-sweaty glandular areas. Fact.

I’m loving up-cycling and reinventing bits and bobs, like the bag chain being used as a belt, as well as the leather bolo-tie rope as a choker. I also saved £25 on achieving the Scissor Hands Stiletto nails by buying acrylic falsies on Ebay, then filing and painting them myself! Winning!

Hair Spray

Dress, Louche at Joy

Belt, Accessorize

Tights Walford

Wedge Shoes, OFFICE

I adore 1950’s hair do’s… so much so that I have perfected many-a-style! I promise to show you guys and dolls how its done on the next few beauty posts. Just need to fix my tripod! This matching dress and shoe combo is very Rockabilly. In summer I may dare to wear this dress without tights, perhaps with an open toe tan shoe? With a banana heel. Gotta love a banana heel! The dress is a little short however, a lot of Marylyn moments… *note to self do not wear a thong with this dress*

The double layering of Vintage Jackets, Tights and the addition of a Scarf hopefully illustrates to the public that I have some sense of modesty… well at least I hope so. If it helps your judgement, I did purposefully pull the Knitwear down a bit to showcase (my bosom) the epically embellished Bralette…. I swear! I also ‘upcycled’ my American Apparel Easy Jeans; as you loyal readers know, I have had them a few years now…. I have made them last as long as possible; re-dying them, re-hemming them, putting elastic in the waist (when I got a little tubby at Christmas), and sewing back on the button (that popped off due to over-eating at Christmas). However, the little slit in the leg soon transformed into something somewhat resembling what the almighty Hulk-could-have-done-it hole… that sadly couldn’t be patched back up. I blame all the drop-down-low-like-a-hoe dancing I was doing. Don’t judge me. So out the scissors came and “walla” there you have it, denim shorts. Winning. Winning indeed damn it.

In other news, I had my first modeling gig last week for a lush Vintage Boutique called Cats Eyes at Asos MarketPlace! Check out my little stint and all of the rare gems the Boutique has to offer! I also appeared in a feature film being directed by one of my best friends, she is in a group called Boadicea Ladies and she also has her own agency by the name of FreeYourStyle Collective; she makes some awesome short films with her sister! Check out “The Sohawon Sisters” on YouTube. I promise its a great watch!

Until next week homies!

Better believe it took me double the usual time to type this post with these damn Stiletto foolish nails! Where’s the acetone at?

So it’s been a long time; I shouldn’t have left you.. Without a dope beat to step to….
I know; the consistency of this blog really hasn’t been up to scratch.. Neither has the consistency of my life; I’ve been ‘Under The Bridge’, on a ‘Roller Coaster Of Love’ I now have ‘Scar Tissue’ and decided to ‘Give It Away’ here and there…
For all you Red Hot Chilli Peppers’ fans out there – big shout out to you homies!
I recently saw a guy that reminds me of the main squeeze from the band; a superhuman cross between Antony Keidis (when he was sexy and had long tresses) and Taboo from B.E.P (when he also believed in the Samson philosophy) as if they got together, sans-uterus, and made a perfect long-haired love child. I saw this example of perfection at a dance show; dancing (with the most amount of core control.. like EVER) to an XXYYXX track; all side-lit, smoke effect, black attire…808 and Synths kinda suave… *whimpers*
Anyway, I won’t go on about that for much longer – but i will say this; if you ladies were there you too wouldn’t ever feel the same about that XXYYXX song again, you too would have the track ‘About You’ on repeat in the iDock with the hybrid dude in questions’ image as your wallpaper/screensaver – all zoomed in and shit. Trust me. I know that’s a little crazy.. The things we do in the comforts of our bedrooms?… Okay the things I do in the comfort of my bedroom.. Makes me glad the Truman show is not really a reality (see what I did there?) I sure am glad that I do not have hidden cameras in my home, and that I’m not apart of a freaky-fly-on-the-wall documentary. Well as far as I know I’m not…*looks around frantically*.

So I thought I’d overload you guys with some film references. I’m a retro cult classic kinda gal; I find a lot of my tastes in clothing have derived from nostalgic film memories.. They are usually from the 80s and 90s but can go as far back as the 50s era.. I’m not a person that can watch current movies’ more than once, I seriously have a one-flick-tolerance with anything post 1998… But classics? Oh shit; burnt out the tape in the VHS from the sheer amount of replays of;The Demolitian ManDeath Becomes HerMannequinBeetleJuiceSplash
Hair SprayPretty WomanDirty DancingHouse PartyLittle shop of HorrorsFeris Bulers Day OutComing to AmericaPolice AcademySee no Evil Hear no EvilEdward ScissorhandsBebe’s Kids
ShowGirls

Oh I need to stop there. The list is endless; well that’s not true, I’m not a movie whore, only some movies make the final cut (did it again..)
This week; I pulled out my Underground Creepers and new Bitching and Junkfood Dungarees for a tribute to Wesley in The Demolition Man. I had to toss a bit of lace on it for a bit off sass…and the heavy duty Borg-Leather? Oh that baby is a Vintage number from California..

Now I would have loved loved loved to have been confident enough to pull this cage-body chain off with only a bra underneath.. But I’m not quite ready for that yet. Instead, I chucked it over this dry, boxy Topshop number; the split and the grey marl colour saved this dress from being awful. Putting statement bling on a plain t-shirt dress = winning!
This is a tribute to the effortlessly sexy lady in Death Becomes Her.. Damn..she was hot.

House Party was a seriously Dope film… Dope for music; a nice introduction to New Jack Swing. Dope for Dance; had me up in my Living Room doing all of the routines. Dope for fashion; I wasn’t a cool kid way back then, I destroyed most family photos of me in shit cardigans and shell suits… but now, I love everything uncool that my parents put me in… I love it so much that I practically bought back everything I once put into the clothes bank. Not because Rhianna has made it cool again; just because, in the last five years, I’ve grown to appreciate the generous cuts, crazy graphics and shit materials everything back then was processed in. Found this wonderful Italian Angora Cardigan in a nice little Vintage shop up my road, haggled the price down and have been grinning like a Cheshire Cat ever since.

Last up for this post is a number I pinched from my ex’s mothers wardrobe…Vintage, madonna cones and baby coral? Had to be mine… I’ve owned it for over a year but whip it out when I can! She is a real cutie… In reference to Baby in Dirty Dancing… Perfect for spring, worn with boots, sandals or dressy shoes, I’ve gone for geek-sweet socks-and-shoe combo…Always adored a ruffly sock or two (well a pair, preferably a matching pair). I used to get all inappropriately aroused at the dance studio bit….You know the bit I mean.

So I used to strut around my room, trying to copy the sexy moves, all touching up my body and flicking my hair, until my dad barged in asking if I wanted a cup of warmed milk…He just stood there, looking really hacked off, and a little disturbed. I was eleven. Hey, I’m sure the classification was wrong? I blame the BBFC. Now that I’m all grown up, I still dance like a hooker to the same bit, minus dads’ presence, but still with the addition of a cup of warm milk of course…