I doubt Mrs Middleton will be wearing this

Keira Knightley’s brother was married in Glasgow this weekend. Keira was a bridesmaid. Even a movie star can look ordinary in a bridesmaid dress, non? My ma picked out the dresses that my bridesmaids wore. That should tell you the whole story. If I could do it again, I’d say wear your favourite black cocktail. Done.

Anyway, while we’re on the subject of mothers, this isn’t so much about Keira as it is about hers. My ma wore pink and a matching hat and matching tricked out shoes. You couldn’t miss her. It was all about her. But even the Chinese Squawking Chicken would have had quite a challenge up against Mother of Keira. How about this for a mother of the groom dress? Sharman Macdonald is a playwright and an artist. Sharman Macdonald is not the mother of the girl who will birth the future king or queen of England.

Carole Middleton, who supposedly went on the controversial Dukan diet to get into wedding form (click here) will not be baring her shoulders, no. And apparently there was some controversy about what exactly she’ll be wearing. The British tabloids report that Mrs Middleton commissioned a designer for her outfit but then fired her when the designer wouldn’t send the garment to her house so she could show her friends. Or something. It was to be a dress and a jacket by Lindka Cierach. Now the British press is speculating that it’s going to be Alice Temperley. Fashion authorities however posited that several designers were probably commissioned and no promises were made to anyone. I guess it’s a way better story to portray the mother of the bride as a bitch. They British eat that sh-t up.

Anyway, whatever she ends up going with, the Queen has to approve. That’s another detail of amazingness about this whole thing: that some decisions are left to the Queen’s sense of style.