Conference round-up

Andrew Gimson: Conference sketch

Breakfast cereal chit-chat upsets alien in the box

The Conservative Party yesterday adopted a daring new strategy. It intends to demonstrate that its leaders are human.

Traditionalists expressed concern that the extra-terrestrial element in the leadership might have to undergo life-threatening cosmetic surgery, of a kind that would be ridiculed in the press without doing anything to convince voters that the aliens have turned into normal humans.

John Redwood was thought to be at particular risk. The whole point of bringing him back to the shadow cabinet was surely, as one of his colleagues put it yesterday, "to strengthen our vote in outlying planets", but how can Mr Redwood achieve this if he is expected to behave the same as everyone else?

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Mr Redwood came to the rostrum and emitted a cry of triumph which in light years to come will resonate through the farther reaches of the solar system: "Yes, I'm back!"

Yet the performance that followed was relatively tame, at least when judged by Mr Redwood's own high standards, and one suspects that the Brussels-bashing parts of it were only loud enough to reach Harrogate, Yorks, home to Paul Sykes, formerly the main financial backer of the UKIP.

It was as if all the questions being put this week to members of the shadow cabinet, about their first kiss, their favourite movie and even, controversially, their favourite way of spending Sunday morning, were preying on Mr Redwood's mind and diverting his thoughts from the inter-galactic battle he has long waged against the dark warriors of Brussels.

These impertinent questions are presumably designed to show that the Conservatives are the same as you and me, as if Edward Heath and Margaret Thatcher got to Downing Street by proving they are the same as other men or women.

Leadership, as successful soldiers show, is about respect. It is not about telling people what your favourite breakfast cereal is.

But Mr Redwood has begun brooding on his own identity, a sure sign that all is not well with him. At one point he even said: "I've got a confession to make. I'm a motorist."

It emerged that, like many other motorists, Mr Redwood is infuriated by the "bumps and humps and chicanes and tortuous routes and speed cameras" that hold him up whenever he goes for a spin. Mr Redwood evidently feels that he is being forced to go far too slowly. He protested that most accidents actually take place at junctions when, as he could have argued, drivers - or political parties - are changing direction.

If Mr Redwood went slowly, Oliver Letwin seemed at times to be almost stationary as he conducted a stately left turn into busy traffic. Some of us are nervous passengers, so we like being driven by Mr Letwin in this cautious spirit.

Mr Letwin made a powerful point when said it would not be brave of him to promise tax cuts: "It'd be very, very easy. I'd say it. You'd cheer. We'd all leave. And no one out there would believe us."

In Mr Letwin, we have the marvellous spectacle of a man who is determined to put the British state on the diet it so evidently requires, yet refuses to promise us we all shall be richer as a result. All he would say was that he would "set Britain on the path to a lower-tax economy". He could also be setting us on the path to a more honest style of politics.

Alice Thomson: Inside politics

Speakers rush to press the Right buttons

'All they've given us is Nicholas Soames's first kiss," said one moderniser yesterday. "It's a disaster. We've gone back to our core vote."

The cry was the same all round the conference yesterday: the Tories have gone back to basics. Europe and immigration were at the top of the agenda.

The conference was drapped in red, white and blue and the stewards were wearing baseball caps.

The speakers pressed all the "Right" buttons. Dr Liam Fox started it with his speech, which he admitted privately was the most important of his life. "We will never surrender the colours of our flag," the party co-chairman said to cheers.

The Tories would not be "a soft touch" on immigration, he said. He ridiculed political correctness and worshipped at the shrine of Margaret Thatcher. "Who cares about the sensitivities of rapists, what about the sensitivities of the victims of rape?" he told a rapturous audience.

John Redwood received a standing ovation for mentioning the Tories' favourite bugbear, the Dome, and his heroine Lady Thatcher. Oliver Letwin, the shadow chancellor, dug even further into Tory party roots, mentioning Salisbury, Disraeli and Wilberforce.

The more recent campaigns talking about "choice" and the "British dream - open to all" appear to have been dropped.

"They've made the mistake of playing to the old ladies in the audience and forgotten the rest of the country," said Lord Patten, one of John Major's former ministers.

"It's hunker down until the election," he told me. Nick Wood was more succinct. "They've cracked and gone back to their core vote," said Iain Duncan Smith's former head of media. "They might as well have stuck with Iain."

Gregor Mackay, William Hague's former media adviser, agreed. "They're going to make the same mistake we did in 2001," he said. "They start off fishing in the sea for votes and they end up poking around in a puddle outside their front door."

The modernisers were looking forlorn. "They told us it was all going to be different but all they have done is put a couple of white leather armchairs on the stage and asked shadow ministers for their favourite music," said one.

One of Mr Howard's advisers explained: "We thought that we could hijack the party but the old guard got there first. When we talked to the agents, all they wanted was red meat and that's what Mr Howard feels most comfortable with."

Ann Widdecombe, jumping on the miniature train to take her along the beach, was grinning widely. "They'll bring her back next," said one young Tory MP.

At a fringe event, David Cameron, the modernising MP in charge of policy co-ordination, held his head in his hands as John Redwood launched into a tirade against Brussels.

Mr Cameron told his fellow minister: "We won't win by picking one subject - whether it is Europe or anything else - and talking about it incessantly." He added: "Does the Tory Party need to modernise itself? Yes, of course."

He said there needed to be a "we" in Tory politics as well as a "me", and he talked about helping drug addicts, handicapped children and pensioners.

Those closest to Mr Howard made no apology for returning to the populist vote. "We've got to neutralise UKIP," said one.

But the biggest difference between this year's conference and the last few years is that no one is discussing the leadership any more.

"The party is united for the first time in years behind Michael Howard. A few policy differences don't matter," said Malcolm Rifkind, the parliamentary candidate for Kensington and Chelsea.

What unites both the traditionalists and the modernisers is tax cuts. They were all impressed by Mr Letwin's speech promising to address stamp duty, inheritance tax and council tax.

But it is Annesley Abercorn, a teenager from Brent East, who has become the conference darling. He told the audience: "More freedom, less tax. It's simple," and instantly became the next leader but two.

Timetable for action

The Conservatives sought to turn their conference slogan "timetable for action" into reality yesterday by outlining what they would do on their first day, first week and first month in power:

Day One:

Health: Abolish all central targets imposed on hospitals so doctors, nurses and managers run hospitals in interests of patients.

Education: Give head teachers power to expel disruptive pupils.

Whitehall: Freeze Civil Service recruitment.

Red tape: Remove "worst" regulations and change automatic assumption that there is a legislative answer to every risk.

First week:

Health: Prepare for a right to choose, including providing access to information on performance and infection rates in hospitals.

Education: Begin abolition of restrictions that stop good schools expanding and new ones opening.

Whitehall: Sweep away controls on local government and abolish best value and performance regimes, giving local government room to breathe.

Red tape: Bring forward a "great deregulation Bill".

First month:

Health: Introduce legislation to free NHS from Whitehall controls and established a Health of the Nation strategy.

Education: Publish Bill allowing parents to choose best school for their children, creating 600,000 new school places.

Whitehall: Deliver Budget putting Britain on path to lower economy and implement a review which has identified billions of pounds of waste in Government departments.

Red tape: Draw up list of unwanted EU regulations ready to take to Brussels as part of a renegotiation of the terms of Britain's membership.

Quotes

'One thing that makes me mad is when people say Tony Blair's really a Conservative. He's even had the nerve to compare himself to Margaret Thatcher . . . We know Margaret Thatcher. We worked with Margaret Thatcher - Mr Blair, you're no Margaret Thatcher'. Liam Fox.

'We are the party of Margaret Thatcher who gave people the right to own their own homes and gave Britain back her freedoms and security'. Oliver Letwin, Conservative shadow Chancellor.

'If press releases made us rich, we would now be the richest country in the world. If bossy ministers made you top the economic league tables we would be world leaders already. If higher taxes bought you happiness this country would be smiling all the way to the Treasury'. John Redwood, de-regulation spokesman, on Labour's attitude to business.

'The Department for the Environment, Food and Rural Affairs famously employed 300 people just to count sheep. When Brussels decided it no longer needed sheep to be counted, they switched to counting hedges'. David James, who is conducting an efficiency review for the Tories.

'One of the great problems of our party in the last 10 years is that in the great urban cities of Britain we are hardly represented, in Newcastle, Liverpool, Glasgow and a host of other cities where we ought to have strong representation'. Sir Malcolm Rifkind, former Cabinet Minister seeking to return to Westminster.

5.45: Rally against the European Constitution. Speakers: Michael Ancram and invited speakers from outside the UK. Venue: BIC, Purbeck Lounge.

6.00: The Power Game: Politicians, the Media and Control of the Political Agenda. Speakers: Ann Widdecombe, Matthew D'Ancona, David Yelland and Polly Billington. Venue: Bournemouth International Hotel.

6.15: The right approach to the economy. Speaker: Oliver Letwin. Venue: Pavilion Ballroom.