So you’re at the Republican convention in Tampa, and between the oppressive heat, terrible food and lack of indoor smoking areas (What is this, Canada?!) you’re thinking of just ending it all by throwing yourself between Artur Davis and a superlative.
But don’t worry, we here at The Observer have prepared an emergency kit for just this kind of dire situation. Contents inside, but be frugal: sharing with others will be identified as a form of Communism and will cause you to be ejected from the premises.