Could You Be Leading Him On Without Realising? Here's How You Can Tell

The other day, a friend of mine was lamenting about another friend who was leading someone on. "I think he likes her, but doesn't want to be with her," she said, before remarking that he should be honest with her. It got me thinking surely men aren't the only ones who lead someone on. Women do it, too. But, most often, the narrative is, "I was just being friendly. I don't know why or how he thought I was interested in him." But, perhaps, being friendly with someone who likes you IS leading them on? Of course, there is the case of men misinterpreting benign friendliness as an expression of interest - the classic case where a woman so much as smiling is taken as an invitation to lay between her legs. But, again, that's not leading someone on - that is men being creepy.

You can only lead on someone who has a sustained interest in you - sexual, romantic, or anything in between. Being led on follows being interested in someone - the latter is a prerequisite. Anything else is either entitlement or seduction. So, to figure out if you are leading someone on, the first thing is to see if this person is interested in you. Their interest may have pre-dated your friendship or acquaintance, or it may have developed during the course of it. But, if there is no interest, there is no scope of leading them on. Once you gage this, the next step is to see if you're doing any of the below:

1. Calling them just to chat or catch up

Yes, friends talk to each other. But, you can't be friends with someone who likes you without it being complicated, and hurting their feelings! By initiating a call, you are giving them the message that you're thinking of them, and that you'd rather speak to them than do anything else.

2. Sharing personal dilemmas and thoughts

If you find yourself pouring your heart out to someone who likes you, it may be time to question your own motives - why are you doing this? Are you playing the damsel in distress? Do you enjoy the attention? Do you get some sort of pleasure or reassurance from seeing that they are there for you? Bear in mind, though, that by putting them in this position, you are being unfair to them!

3. Being flirtatious

Flirting is not harmless when it is with someone who wants to be with you! They will take it as a sign of your interest in them, and later, when you turn them down, you will leave them confused and angry!

Perhaps you feel that there is a genuine connection with this person, and the potential for a fulfilling friendship to blossom. If you don't address the elephant in the room, you will end up sabotaging that. The best thing to do, in this case, is to talk about what's happening honestly and openly. Maybe, instead of acting like nothing's going on, next time you see them or talk to them, say, "Hey, I get the feeling you like me..." Hear what they have to say, and if you are right, let them know that you don't feel the same way, but you value their friendship enough to figure out how you can continue being in each other's lives. Remember, though, they have every right to not keep you around!