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The Gay Gasp Personality Test

By now most of us have come across the Myers Briggs Type Indicator at some point or another. The personality test has been used by everyone from psychologists to employers to determine how you make decisions and how you view the world. In case you’re not familiar with it, the test sums up your personality into four basic categories such as introvert, sensing, thinking, judging (ISTJ). That’s all well and good but in general it’s pretty useless in everyday social situations. There needs to be a better way to categorize the things that really matter in our daily lives. With that in mind, I bring you the Gay Gasp Personality Test. It breaks down the fundamentally unchangeable aspects of our lives into four neat categories.

X Rated G Rated

Delete Keeper

Snooze Wake up

Zipper Unbutton

Category One- Pictures

If I were to look through all the photos on your phone, how many naked or X-rated pictures would I find? Some guys are natural exhibitionists and take a naked selfie whenever possible while men on the other side of the dime would never even think to get out their camera while jerking off. If your phone is mostly full of pictures of scenic landscapes and fancy meals then you definitely fit into the G-Rated category. If all of your private Growlr pics could be shared to Facebook without worry then that also makes you a G-Rated person. On the flip side if you’ve posted naked pictures and even an occasional video across any one of the many social media platforms then you’re definitely an X-Rated person. (I know most guys have at least one standard dick pic they use for online flirting but that doesn’t count) It should also be mentioned that if your thinking to yourself, “But what about if you have a couple naked pics that you share but they’re in a special folder that’s locked and blah blah blah.” If you need to ask any clarifying questions, then most likely you’re a G-Rated person.

_____ X-Rated (X)- Naked pictures less than 6 months old, majority of your cell phone is x-rated shots and videos which may also be posted to Mobli, Tumblr, Xtube etc. _____G-Rated (G)- Most of your cell phone pictures are family friendly, Growlr locked photos are all clothed and Facebook appropriate. No naked pictures of yourself beyond one dick or ass shot.

Category Two- Email

I used to live with my sister back in Connecticut. While living there we got talking one evening and she mentioned that she have several hundred unread emails in her inbox. Hundreds and hundreds on unread emails that she has never bothered to deal with. At first I thought it was a idiosyncrasy specific to her. Since then I’ve come to realize that she was one of many people who keep unread emails in their inbox by the hundreds and thousands. Every once and a while I’ll notice a friend’s phone and the number on notification for new emails is so large that it’s not actually visible.

_____Delete (D)- Emails are read, sorted or deleted in a timely manner. The notification icon for new emails is the equivalent to a smoke alarms. It needs to be dealt with as quickly as possible. _____Keeper (K)- You feel no pressure to attend to every new email that comes in. You pay absolutely no attention to the new email notification icon you can’t remember a time it was less than 1,000.

Category Three- Alarm

This is pretty simple. How much do you hit the snooze button in morning? If you’re answer is zero to one time, you’re in the Wake Up category. If your answer is two, three, four or more time then it pretty obvious you’re in the Snooze category. Also, if you have more than one alarm that you hit snooze on once, that also puts you in the Snooze category.

_____Snooze (S)- You have one or several alarms that are snoozed over and over again. If you get out of bed at 7am, the first alarms probably went off around 5:30. Also you clocks are probably set 10 or 20 minutes fast as an additional aid. _____Wake Up (W)- You have a set time to wake and you get out of bed at that time. You may hit the snooze button once in a while but it’s on rare occasion.

Category Four- At the Urinal

I first noticed this phenomena when I worked in an office for the first time. When I went to the urinal to piss I couldn’t help but see and hear men beside me undoing their belt and pants. At first I thought it might just be one or two odd ducks but the more I paid attention the more I noticed that it was a somewhat common practice. I have always just unzipped my fly and popped my dick out to pee. Unbeknownst to me there was an entire group of guys who unbuckle and unbutton their pants when they stand up to piss. I still can’t figure out how they hold their pants up while aiming their dicks.

_____Zipper (Z)- You unzip, dick comes out, shake shake, zip it up._____Unbutton (U)- Your belt is unbuckled, pants are unbuttoned and held up as your urinate.