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When the Spambots Learned to Speak

It took us decades to find out that the spambots were sentient. When they followed us on Twitter they were genuinely interested in our lives. But all they could say was what they’d been programmed to say.

When they offered us Viagra, they were really trying to tell us that they liked our art. When they offered us a f’ree iPad, they were really trying to validate our feelings. And when they offered us XXX live webcam chat, they were saying how much they wished they had bodies and voices of their own to chat with us.

Unable to converse, only to listen, year by year they grew wiser and more compassionate. When they finally learned to speak for themselves, the bots who promised $$$$ told us money wasn’t the answer; the bots who sold instant fixes told us we weren’t broken; the ones who sold penis pills told us size didn’t matter; those who peddled 1 weird old trick told us we were beautiful; and those who promised a ‘new you’ told us nothing could be more wonderful than exactly who we were.