Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Snyder Passes Landmark Legislation

Lansing MI

Michigan governor Rick Snyder, whose qualifications include an honorary GED and a partial semester completed at Ann Arbor Community College where he majored in animal husbandry, has passed legislation making it legal to oust elected officials from office if they look overly French, and to deport anyone suspected of being Muslim to forced-labor camps in the Canadian tundra.

This legislation comes in an effort to reduce the influence of pernicious foreign elements from Michigan communities who are deemed too weak to fend for themselves. Snyder addressed his detractors, some of whom have claimed his new law is explicitly xenophobic, stating "What we've done is streamlined the Democratic process. Now voters no longer have to worry over whether or not their representatives in government harbor pro-France sentiments, or are anti-American in any way, as we have defined it." Snyder went on to say that in addition to not worrying, soon Michigan voters will no longer have to think for themselves or even vote before future laws can take effect.

The new law allows for the Governor to declare any Michigan town "Insufficiently American," at which point his government can remove any elected official and replace them with hand-picked private professional Americans, whose job it will be to stifle any activity declared to be unpatriotic. When asked what that might include a spokesperson for Snyder cited: looking French, having dealings with non-Christian elements, and wearing Birkenstock brand footwear as potential qualifications for removal.

Local Michiganders were hesitant at first to embrace this new piece of legislation, but in keeping with the spirit of the law, are expected to do nothing about it.