Monday, August 04, 2008

My life was hard enough to manage as it was. Then I got a car Payment, And I was all "woohoo! I'm an ADULT now!" "I have a CAR payment!!" As if that was exciting, and novel, and chic and cutting edge. A milestone, as it were. The novelty has worn off.

THEN I lost my brain function and got a trainer and I was all "woohoo! I am SOOO HOLLYWOOD. I have a trainer" THAT novelty AND expense wore off on session two, during the 456th push-up.

NOW I decided since I am officially broke (for real, I have $2.57 in my "savings" acct. Seriously) that I would buy a condo (though, SUPER cute and New York-y) and have a mortgage! How exciting! my very first mortgage. And I can be all "man, I gotta pay that MORTGAGE instead of stupid juvenile rent. I am TRULY an adult! (adults can still eat Zingers though!) ( I mean I'm NOT eating Vanilla Zingers with Yellow vanilla frosting. I would NEVER eat those now. I am working out with my trainer) (who, incidentally reads this blog)(because my "friend" Ashley Pittman Big Mouth told him about it!)

Where was I? Oh yah. I am officially an adult with a mortgage, trainer and car payment! Then I was watching Suze Ormon yesterday (I was sick, there's NOTHING else on tv sunday afternoons) When I see her shows on, I usually RACE down the cable guide page as if I never saw it. I'd rather watch a lifetime original movie about cheerleaders, or, or, the mexican channel. But I figured that now since I actually have, what's it called, oh yah, assets that mayyyybbeeee I could learn something. Get a little tidbit of financial wizardry.

She was yelling at women as usual, about how STUPID they are to buy a brand new car and have a car payment! How irresponsible it was to NOT have a hefty savings account! How getting into a mortgage without having 6 months back-up payments was outright mental! (she used LOTS of exclamation points) How you should always put 20% of your income into savings (pfft. right) How having a trainer is ridiculous!(okay, maybe that last one wasn't said....but I know she meant to!)

Then she started speaking Chinese, crazy words like 401k and sub-prime loans and retirement plans (retirement? what?)

I watched. I listened. Then I changed the channel to I Love Lucy Shoving all that crazy talk outta my mind. Like a horror film. Or a scary commercial FOR a horror film that you wish you hadn't seen.