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Associated Press
HONEYTON - In the wake of an epidemic that's spread across the online surfing community, the grassroots organization Friends of Swell Info (FOSI) have banded together in an effort to unite surfers across the Internet and deescalate their aggro tendencies during summer flatness. The festival will feature live music by various commercial hip-hop artists and seminars from some of the online surf community's premier personalities.

The goal of Waves Not Graves is to raise public awareness about the dangers of holding in surf rage and not finding proper outlets for its release. The summer (or "verano" as it's called in gnarly destinations) and its typically non-surfable conditions have been known to elicit depressive symptoms in otherwise stoked surfers and can cause them to act out with threats of violence, as recently exhibited by rogues such as rcarter and waterbaby. Signs of possible surf rage are verbal outbursts such as "Get off my peak!" and "Meet me at my break!", as well as name-calling like "douche" and "beta".

The Surfrider Foundation has been rumored to be named an event sponsor, however, an unnamed source within the organization claims that surfing the Internet lies outside their mission of protecting oceans, waves, and beaches. FOSI expects their inaugural event to cleanse the shores and waters of rant and rage.

SCHEDULE OF SPEAKERS

Keynote Address"State of the Stoke": Critical issues, policies, and opportunities for erudition.Paddington Jetty Bear - 2016 Candidate for the office of President of the United States

"Got Pinned?": How to reach the pinnacle of your surfing success riding only in the summer months.Gruvi - Professional man of leisure and U.S. Secretary of Stoke

"Mom's Vacancy Can Spare Your Vagrancy": Tactics on how to finance surf bumhood and promote your arrested development by suckling dry the teats of your parental units and extended family.Bill Cosby's Nephew - Nationally-known expert in the field of living at home til 40

"West Coast = Best Coast": Why Cali should secede and reign supreme as a sovereign surf Mecca and the general malaise of adult life.zaGaffer - West Coast Swami and self-help practitioner

"Hop To It": Integrating beer consumption into the lineup.brewengineer - Fermentation guru and purveyor of craft brews and spirits

"I Always Feel Like...Somebody's Watching Me": All things subversive from Big Brother to Bieber and how to combat these evils from your radiation/GMO-proof bunker.archy - Conspiracy theorist and international fugitive at-large

hahahaaaa, i had to hold back from spitting these black beans i'm eating for breakfast through my nose! what you've just pinned is the most original thing i've seen in quite some time! thanks for the laugh

I can do a session on piping plover hunting or coastal sniping techniques.

Are you really an ornithology scholar? Got to see if we can get you on the list. If you can change it to sniping seagulls you may have a chance. If not, would you be interested in setting up a booth at the exhibit expo?