Watch Owen Wilson Get Urinated On In The Trailer For ‘Night At The Museum 3’

I’ve always said there aren’t enough historical dick jokes in children’s movies. Thank God for Ben Stiller, star of the third and probably not final installation of his historical CG farce ‘Night at the Museum.‘ This film looks like the previous two films except with more pharaohs and mummies and sh*t. And if it’s anything like the other films, I’m sure he’ll spend another whacky night narrowly avoiding death but not actually dying. The tragedy is that he never actually dies. No matter how hopeless the situation – be it being chased by reanimated dinosaur bones (again) or hunted by Huns (again) – there are so many deux ex machinas that he just never seems to get what he deserves, what he is so blatantly asking for. He keeps going to the museum at night, he obviously WANTS to die. But he never does, and he probably never will. (Just to be clear, I want Ben Stiller’s character to die, not the actual Ben Stiller. Unless… he wants to…?)

Lest you think that simply because it’s been a long time since the second “Night at the Museum” film that the franchise may have lost something, we can assure you that the trailer is full of the exact sort of moments and characters you want from the movie. You have got your Robin Williams as Teddy Roosevelt; you’ve got your Owen Wilson as Jedediah, and you’ve got your Ricky Gervais as Dr. McPhee. Plus, there’s a monkey expelling bodily fluids, a triceratops skeleton, and Dan Stevens as Lancelot.

Yeah, a monkey pisses all over Owen Wilson right before he supposed to be killed by lava. If I had to guess, I would say that the monkey piss is another deus ex machina, and Owen Wilson will survive the fires of Pompeii. But, honestly, how amazing would it be if Owen Wilson burned to death while the monkey peed on his face? Now THAT’S a movie I want my kids to see. (Once again, I don’t want any of the actors to die. Just the characters. [Ricky Gervais could die, though. He’s all cocky now.])

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