Hi, I am a male and I'm about to be 24. I am on my own, I have a nice job, and I am living comfortably. I have a female friend who is one year younger than me and who I've known for over eight years now, we talk a lot. Ever since four years ago I have been deeply in love with her. Two years ago, I told her my feelings and she flipped out because she use to date my second cousin back in high school. So to her, seeing me in that light was not only gross, but not even acceptable. We did not talk for almost a year until I called and lied to her about not being in love with her anymore. To this day, she thinks I only see her as a friend. I think about her everyday and I wish I wasn't attracted to her. My love for her is so strong and it hurts so bad that most times I want to cry. On a personal note, any time I masterbate I think of her every time. Is there any way to overcome this obstacle in my life?? I even met another woman who I am friends with, but I have put her below the one I love. Am I doomed???

I do think you made a mistake by lying to her about your feelings as that already has any relationship founded on deception.

It seems to me the best way to get over her is to not have contact and try to move forward with your life. She has made it very clear there is no chance of a romantic relationship (tho I must say that I don't see why she feels having dated a relative of yours in the past precludes a relationship with you...it seems that was her way of ensuring you understood that she does not have those feelings for you)

Sometimes in life we come to a closed door that just cannot be opened, and we can waste precious time banging our heads against it...or move on a different path and get on with our lives.

I think most people have faced unrequited love at some stage of their lives. You just have to face up to the truth of the situation and rise above it.

IMO if your friend is a good friend she should be able to discuss this without flipping out. Just because she dated your 2nd cousin isn't a legitimate reason to not date you. I'm wondering if perhaps she just doesn't see you that way and you would need to be prepared to hear that. Maybe it would be a good idea to write her a letter, explaining you've loved her for 8 yrs. You need to be prepared though for what ever answer she gives and can you still continue being friends and possibly see her with another person. I think this situation sounds very sweet and I hope this works out to your benefit.

Hi Trip – I agree with Bella and Chemar that your friend dating your second cousin is no reason not to date you, I think this is definitely just an excuse.

Sometimes us poor men can never win the heart of a female we adore. In the past I’ve tried all different ways: The intelligent approach – but I’m too thick. The sophisticated approach – I’m as sophisticated as a pig trying to use a knife and fork. The big spender approach – worked until I was broke. The romantic approach, flowers, little gifts – sort of worked, but the response of “let’s get married straight away, we can talk about sex later” terrified me. The impulsive approach – people thought I was bit unhinged. The Mr Cool Guy approach – just bored women to death. The “look at me I’m so hip, fashionable, always dancing” – was really, “look at him the jerk trying to be younger than he is, must have a dislocated hip the way he dances” - that certainly scared the women off. Even tried the John Wayne approach – give them a spanking first then a big kiss – I ended up with a punch in the kisser before I got to the kissing part, not very successful.

Some women! - they just don’t see a good man when he is standing right in front of them do they? lol

Anyway the moral of the story is, don’t try to be what you are not. That special someone has to like you and love you for what you are.

If your friend can’t see you in a romantic way, it isn’t going to happen, so unfortunately you have to move on.

Look at all those unfortunate women who lost out with me, I suppose they have all moved on.......

If you do write her a letter, I do wish you luck and hope it has a positive outcome for you.

Best wishes :)

BTW I did find my special someone a few years ago, she has to be special to be able to put up with an ass like me!

I appreciate everyone's response and I see what kind of outcome this is going to have. It hurts so much freaking much. Sometimes I just want to break down and cry but I don't. The period when we were not talking I did feel better and stopped thinking about her. On the other hand, I like having her in my life. Big dilemma. I may just keep this whole thing going as she mentioned that after law school she might move-in with me and bum off of me. Apparently she was serious, I kind of want to see what happens with that. Unfortunately she wont finish for three years now but I'm willing to wait. I just LOVE being around her.

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