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The Lineup

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B.I.R. Column Of Fame

Man of Steel... Wood... and Mud: Bear GryllsRock Legend: Tom Morello

League Gods: The Emperor and Alfie

Str-8 Shoota: Malcolm X

Str-8 Shoota: Zack de la Rocha

Super Bad mofo's

Comrade Hillary

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Fish to bicycles, Latin America to Democracy. Bloody useless vices the lot of them

The second round of elections is taking place in Ecuador. I just so happen to be living in Quito these days, so I get to keep up on this little election that might get the attention of a side column in a northern newspaper.

Two candidates are up for grabs. Correa and Naboa. Naboa is a fat tank of shit millionaire who, according to local authorities, bribed his way on to the second ballot. He’s your typical right winger who’s done a bit of philanthropy in the past, but for the most part is job is to make sure that more and more oil gets pumped out of Ecuador and less and less capital remains for local development.

Correa on the other hand is a younger, less pudgy, lefty. He nearly took the presidency in the first round had it not been for Noboa’s tricks. Correa is prepared to tell the U.S. to take a piss up a rope. He wants to nationalize petroleum. He wants to put resources into the social net. He’s ready to jump on board with Venezuela, Bolivia, and Cuba.

When I’m in the jungle or the Andes, in this tiny country most people sympathize with the misfortunes of this harsh land. Not enough food for everyone, and even less work. Petrol workers poisoned to death by the age of thirty five, and their wives worn out from too many births by their mid twenties.

“It’s a tough situation,” a woman living in a wealthy estate told me, “we need to find new ways to help these people.”

“Ecuador needs to do something for its poor,” another added.

“Public health is so poor here, these people have nothing,” went another bleeding heart.

“Correa’s platform sounds like it has innovation loaded into it. He might be able to restructure the economy and set things rolling to actually improve the lives of the poor,” I say.

“Yeah, but we can’t vote for him! He’ll make us all poor.”

“Yes, Correa will change it all. Noboa’s corrupt, but he’ll keep it together.”

Take note that Cuba is a country with no homeless, complete literacy and universal healthcare , Venezuela is a country that is now delivering free medical treatment to the poorest of the poor, and Bolivia is a country with an indegenous President who is restructuring the constitution to be more equitable.”

“He’s bad mouthed the United States! You can’t bad mouth the United States! We have to vote for Noboa. Sure he’s corrupt, but he won’t turn us into Cuba”

“What about our economy? He’ll ruin the economy.”

From the point of view of the homeless guy who sells gum in between cars, or the petrol worker with more cancer in his body than dollars in his pocket, the economy is in ruins.This is why in a society that requires volumes of guns, police soldiers and dogs to guard fortresses of capital from the overwhelming poor, democracy is nothing more than a bad joke.

Monday, October 30, 2006

Post-pastoralism

I note a lot of talk about climate change and global heating of late - including not only a road-to-Damascus conversion for Labour, but also a report estimating the ballpark cost of climate change at a cool GBP 3.68 trillion, or $10.53 trillion in local currency. Notably, the majority of NZ's emissions are related to pastoralism (see the above NRT link), while the Observer report uses another NZ example:

Air freight is one of the most lightly taxed areas of transport since aviation fuel is tax-free and there are no passengers to pay duty. Yet green campaigners say the planet can ill afford the thousands of 'food miles' travelled by exotic produce. One kilo of kiwi fruit flown from New Zealand to Europe discharges 5kg of carbon into the atmosphere.

Perhaps it's time to think about abandoning the nineteenth century basis of our economy (extensive pastoralism), and think about how to tax productive twentieth century add-ons (kiwifruit, viticulture), thereby freeing up space for extensive reforestation. We could even charge others to buy up said forest as carbon sinks. And the tuis, bellbirds, kokako, kaka, weka and moreporks would like it too.

Is a post-pastoral New Zealand finally within reach? Farmers have denuded our landscapes and shat in our rivers for too long!

Monday, October 23, 2006

New Zealand Knights

Well words almost fail me when it comes to describing these guys. They could have registered twice as many wins and draws in their first season and a half in the A-League and people would still describe them as "utter shit" so I'm not really sure what is twice as bad as "utter shit".

Let's put this season into perspective. After nine rounds their equal top goalscorer is a guy called Adam vanDommele who plays for ADELAIDE UNITED!

That's right. A bloke who wasn't even trying to score for us managed to do what about 17 other Knights players have been unable to do for 9 weeks despite supposedly trying to do so.

This team has virtually no New Zealanders in it and the ones they have are well below our best. Instead it is filled with foreigners who are by and large straight up fucking useless.

If we are going to lose how about we chuck out a New Zealand under 19 side and at least we will have up and coming New Zealanders to cheer on and watch lose instead of a bunch of incompetent bastards with confidence issues battle a 2 win, 5 draw, 23 loss record over their history, scoring just 17 goals and conceding 65. Average score of .6 of a goal to 2.2 conceded. That would be a fair reflection, as most sides would be roughly 4 times better than the Knights. It's what you would expect if you took the side that was bottom of the Championship division in England and bumped them into the Premier League.

They talk about having a bit more luck and creating chances and learning to finish them. Well if opposition sides didn't clock off, take them half heartedly, had a bit of luck and finished some sitters themselves we would have lost most games by the 4 to 8 goal margin.

For the sake of New Zealand soccer shift these useless pricks to South Melbourne or Canberra or Woollongong or somewhere and be done with it. Our owner is unwilling to buy the best NZ talent and they have such a bad rep that nobody in NZ wants to play for them, watch them or have anything to do with them.

Or at least rename them "3-Point Knights". Because that's what they are to all the other sides.

Saturday, October 21, 2006

Marc Ellis' Book

Bought this the other day and fuck what a load of wank.

I'm a bit over half way and it's story after story about silly juvenile shit that he and his mates got up to at high school, university, and in rugby teams. The odd story is mildly funny but they don't even get told in an entertaining way and it's page after page of him saying "and then we played such and such a game (ie. a test match or final of something, or a huge clash v a touring side) and won, or lost, oh and then a page devoted to what we did the night after the game.

People know this guy is a character and that he has got up to all sorts of tom foolery but this was an opportunity to talk about your achievements on the sports field and offer a few insights but instead it's a procession of high school pranks with snippets of rugby thrown in.

Oh and Otago University should revoke his degree after he devotes a page to how him and his mates used to cheat and then he goes on to suggest that people thought that he wasn't that smart but he showed them by getting a degree. Well yeah, but maybe try doing it legitimately. You might still be there.

Friday, October 20, 2006

Go Canucks Go

Canadian Adventures, part deux

Earlier this week I attended my first NHL game, having previously been limited to several thousand hours of TV viewing, and watching international powerhouses like New Zealand and Australia duke it out at the Botany Downs "arena".

I took in Vancouver Canucks v. Edmonton Oilers (last year's Stanley Cup finalists) at GM Place here in Vancouver. The Canucks won the hard-fought affair 2-1 in regular time. Some observations:

1/ A well-organized, well-designed indoor stadium, with apparently not a bad seat in the house (and we were way, way back), is a sight to behold. Entry and egress were straightforward, finding our numbered seats was easy, and it was just a smooth operation in general.

2/ The NHL is a slick, professional competition. It makes most of the other sports I've seen live look pretty shabby. The team change-overs, for example, are so smooth and quick you almost miss them. The players are, as one would expect, playing at a universally high standard. Moreover, as Ms_Red reminded me, they tend to make the news more for their achievements on the ice, and donating their time and energy to the various charities their team supports, than for getting in drunken bar room brawls. Most are, in this sense, the kind of "role models" that the media seems to demand (although as mentioned previously, I seldom care what people do in their time off). There was this one guy.

3/ NHL Goalies are freekin amazing. Their reflexes make your average international cricketer in the slips look geriatric by comparison. They are also scarily flexible. Dwayne Rolloson for the Oilers made 36 saves.

4/ There's some things you don't see on TV, like just what it means to try and get the puck off the other guy.

5/ The crowd was pretty good, and most people were into the game, but given the astronomical ticket prices it was surprising to see lots of people (a) arrive late; (b) spend half their time queuing for beer or the washrooms or both; (c) leave early. It's pretty obvious that for some young ladies in particular it's primarily a fashion parade / mating opportunity.

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Fair go

The police often recieve criticism in regards to who they choose to prosecute and who they let off the hook.

For example, the cops recently announced they wouldn't be laying charges against Government Minister David Benson-Pope over historical, and disputed, allegations of him assaulting numerous students when he was a teacher.

The police are currently weighing up whether or not to charge another Government Minister, Taito Phillip Field, over some possibly dodgy dealings involving wannabe immigrant tilers.

So I was delighted to see that the police haven't hesitated to throw the book at the offender in this instance - may justice be served.

The Christchurch woman who survived two nights trapped in a car with her mother after driving off a road and into a ravine in south Westland has been charged with careless use of a motor vehicle.

Marion Hounsome, who is orginally from the UK but now lives in Christchurch, will appear in Whataroa District Court in December, National Radio reported.

Ms Hounsome and her 71-year-old mother Glenys were discovered trapped down the cliff three weeks ago when a tourist stopped to take a photograph and heard their cries for help.

Monday, October 16, 2006

A bit grim

The great world traveller, having abandoned his blog-writing duties for some weeks, offers the following assessment of Winnipeg, Canada: a bit grim. A fine place for a brief touristic visit in summer I'm certain, but by mid-October it is too cold for kiwi blood. Minus 5 to minus 7, with a windchill on top of that. Feels like minus 11 so they say. Encountered snow squalls north of the city too (dark, low clouds that look like they could form tornadoes if only in was summer). All the leaves have already gone from the trees (contrast Vancouver where many trees haven't even turned yellow yet -- yes, the deciduous ones!). Now I could handle this kind of thing in December ... a Canadian winter is not to be trifled with. But I can't handle summers being so abruptly and violently cut short.

The place also features poorly maintained concrete roads, and an unrelenting flatness. Not much in the way of nature to observe then, except for some Canada geese which were pushing their luck in terms of delaying a flight south. In sum, my return to the mild coastal environment of BC in "fall" (although, as noted above, leaves are barely falling here) was welcome after 3 days on the prairie.

On the plus side you could pick up one of these big places outside the city, with - ahem, unlimited prairie views - for a steal. Trade in your modest Auckland bungalow for one of these monsters!

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

The Atomic thorn in the Nuclear Lion's Paw

So North Korea conducted a science experiment? Good job. Who knew that a mind-numbing Orwellian state could do long division? Even here, in the remote reache of Peru, echos of world leaders making a stink over North Korea can be heard.

The world deems North Korea’s science experiment a global threat. And the U.S. sees this as an aggressive move. Once again the thorn enters the lion’s paw. North Korea’s nuclear development program is a laughing joke. Even if they can split an atom, they are unable to get a ballistic missile to last in the sky for longer than 45 seconds. Japan and South Korea may want to worry about that, but there is enough military muscle in the region to make sure that nothing terribly wrong happens.

Indeed there is a bigger agenda behind the North Korea (third tier in the axis of evil) nuclear fear. A few months ago the world stared down the barrel of a gun at Iran, and their nuclear dreams. What happened to that? Grew old? Or did the bullshit overflow the pot? My guess is that by Friday the world will cool down on the North Korea fear, but it begs the question as to why the U.S. are beating the nuclear drums. Without getting too far into conspiracy theories, here’s three reasons why:

1) The U.S. is by far the largest holder of nuclear arms. 2,250 of which are on hair trigger alert (as in ready to go off in 20 minutes), and another 7,500 are on immediate stand-by, (let them rip in an hour). This has been a damn deadly scenerio since the cold war, and pointing fingers at developing nuclear nations certainly takes the heat off the fact that the U.S.A. could end the whole global show in under an hour.2) The U.S. has spent millions upon millions into nuclear research. While the country has dismantled the MX Peacekeeper ICBM program, realizing that there are new foes and different realities to warfare in the 21st century, there has been a tremendous amount of research and development into smaller-scale instant sunshine containers. Operations plan 8044 identifies that modification to the nuclear stockpile is necessary to deal with rogue states and terror cells. This includes the need to eliminate ‘time urgent targets’ anywhere in the world. Combine this with the Bush administration’s policy of preemptive attack in the face of danger, and you have department of defense policy that replaces the role of nuclear weapons as a last-stand resort (in the cold war) to active preemptive tools that can be deployed from the air, sea, or ICBM machinery (excluding the MX Peacekeeper).

It has been nearly 60 long long years since the U.S. nuked a civilian population, turning people to shadows and killing the survivors with cancer in the blood. Any military driven economy needs to vent, in order to prove that it is worthwhile and needed. The Bush adminisration’s Preemptive War on Terror policy, combined with modifications to nuclear deployment strategy ensure that in the not-too-distant-future someone on the Axis of Evil, or the axis of not-quite-so-evil, will get evaporated.

Finally, there is nothing that scares the shit out of Americans more than a nuclear threat. Well, maybe Islamic guys with beards, but nuclear threat kept the United States scared for 40 years and justified global military intervention from Vietnam to El Salvador. 6 years into the war on terror, we’re getting tired of it. Bin Ladin is supposedly still getting dialysis treatment and threatening the world, and the god damn alert status has yet to hit green. In the Orwellian looking glass world, new threats are needed so the war can be continued. If it is not Iran’s dream of Nuclear War, then it is North Korea. If that fails, the myth can be constructed around Pakistan, India, or even France ( in a pinch). The social control thickens. People reamain scared and silent.

At this rate, and unless there is real global activism against the current U.S. administration and it’s policy, I’m giving us just a few more months before that nuclear clock goes two minutes closer to midnight....and it will be Washington, not Pyongyang that will be turning the dials.

Friday, October 06, 2006

Presenting Dork John Hayes

I reckon that he should go round to their houses, line them up and start whacking their ears. Of course there will be no need to make sure they have committed a crime first. If they are young and wearing baggy clothes and standing near the shops that should be guilt enough.

I assume he smacks one of his mates in the head every time they break the law. Why he probably stands at intersections and throws rotten fruit at anybody speeding and trips people over if they jay walk.

I'd also like to know what he did when he was a young fulla that earned him a clip round the ear.

Wairarapa MP John Hayes may have built a reputation as an international troubleshooter – but his suggestions to deal with unruly youths have not washed with police.

The National MP and former diplomat has clashed with Masterton police over his views that teenagers running wild in public "need a thick ear".

Masterton has been plagued by vandalism and graffiti attacks and incidents of other teens being intimidated.

Mr Hayes is one of several Bannister St business tenants who have spoken out against groups of 10 to 15-year-olds gathering in the area and causing trouble.

"Corporal punishment is the ideal remedy for youths running amok in public. The best thing you can do for them is a thick ear. It's something I occasionally got when I was that age and it didn't do me any harm," he said.

Masterton police community relations coordinator Sergeant Mike Sutton said Mr Hayes' view was disappointing. The comments went against everything police and other agencies were trying to achieve with the long-running violence-free campaign.

Most of the youths were "good kids" who were viewed as just a nuisance by shopkeepers. Only a few had caused police concern, Mr Sutton said.

But Mr Hayes is unwavering. "Mr Sutton seems unable to tell the difference between discipline and violence. The kids . . . need discipline and badly. He needs to know that the public does not want cringing political correctness from him or others in the police force."

Mr. Dork, you seem unable to tell the difference between effective discipline and violent discipline, or violence attempting to be discipline. If I start clipping smart alecs in my class around the ear then they should feel free to do it to each other and hell, why not even give me good slapping when I need one. I'm sure none of it will hurt. Who needs ears? Especially when somebody from National is speaking.

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Speaking of Helen Clark and Corruption

When my wife (who is Korean) told me yesterday that the Korean geezer was going to be head of the UN I 'jokingly' said "how much did he pay?" Because nobody gets anywhere in Korea without doing shit that would land you in prison in NZ. In fact it usually does eventually in Korea as well with corruption scandals a weekly occurrence.

Anyway, here's an article in the Korea Times today. Make of it what you will but it seems a bit dodgy to me. Not the travelling round lobbying stuff but the increasing of foreign aid. There is no way NZ can match the type of money rolling round in Korea. I guess we may just have to wait until he pisses off the US and they decide to try and dig up any dirt to undermine him:

By Park Song-wuStaff ReporterSome critics have recently claimed that ``millions of dollars and a piano'' may put Ban Ki-moon, South Korean minister of foreign affairs and trade, in the United Nations' top job.

But U.N. experts worldwide said in e-mail interviews with The Korea Times that such a negative view lacks persuasiveness.

``This is not a powerful argument,'' said Danilo Turk of Slovenia, a former assistant secretary-general for political affairs at the United Nations. ``South Korea has been exercising development assistance before and will do so in the future, and it would be inappropriate to stop because of his candidacy.’’

His remarks came as The Times and other foreign media reported last week that Ban and President Roh Moo-hyun have intensively traveled to 15 member states of the U.N. Security Council and pledged millions of dollars in aid to enhance the foreign minister's chance to become the next U.N. secretary-general.

Ahmad Kamal of Pakistan, a former ambassador to the United Nations, also said such criticism is ``not relevant'' as it disregards the nature of the global body.

``The key to the vote in the Security Council is that none of the permanent five should cast a negative vote,'' he said. ``None of them can be influenced by the economic power of South Korea. Winning a nomination only requires the positive votes of the permanent five and the supporting votes of only four other non-permanent members.''

Sam Jameson, an American journalist who worked as bureau chief in Tokyo for the Chicago Tribune from 1963 to 1971 and the Los Angeles Times from 1971 to 1996, said such charges have ``always been made'' in big races.

``Increasing foreign aid to specific recipients whose vote South Korea is seeking is not bribery,'' he said. ``After losing Japan's bid for a permanent seat on the U.N. Security Council last year, Prime Minister Junichiro Koizumi also visited Africa and promised to raise Japan's aid there.''

In reaction to the negative view on Ban's campaign, Choo Kyu-ho, the foreign ministry’s spokesman, said in a statement that Seoul has constantly tried to increase assistance to developing countries since joining the Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development (OECD) in 1996.

In April 2005, Seoul decided to increase the overseas development aid to 0.1 percent of its gross national income by 2009, which is still below the OECD Development Assistance Committee average of 0.24 percent, the statement said.

It is only natural for a candidate seeking the support of the global community to become the next U.N. secretary-general to be traveling as widely as possible, it said.

im@koreatimes.co.kr 10-03-2006 20:35

Oh and Russell Brown was just shit stirring about Tool. That's a relief. I can go back to the decking.

Sorry dude - I was just being provocative. Although I did find someone who actually likes Muse, which was a turn-up for the books ...

I'm an edgy square kid!!!!

Holy shit. I mean I'd long suspected it but Russell Brown has confirmed it.

I'm lacking the application for serious blogging, so I might as well comment on this morning's Big Day Out lineup announcement. It doesn't really do it for me but, then, I'm not exactly the target market.

I mean, Tool. There had better be something good on another stage when Tool are playing. Rarely has a band been better named than Tool. Lumbering, po-faced boys' music that lets squares kid themselves they're being edgy, that's what Tool is.

My favourite band outside Rage Against the Machine are Tool. Though I have found their work since Aenima to be not as good. So this seems like a good opportunity to talk about Tool. After all, it's this or else finish laying down decking timber.

Sure they might sound a bit weird and indeed singer Maynard James Keenan is weird, and they might think and act outside the circle but christ if I wanted my groups to sound like every other group because if they didn't then they must be try hards, well, I'd go into a record store and ask for groups that sound different but aren't trying to be. And that would probably draw blank stares similar to that English lass in her new video when she asks for some crossover break beat etc etc.

I was fortunate enough to go to the Tool concert at North Shore Events centre in 1997. I say fortunate because I have been to some fucking good concerts in my time but that ate all them other fuckers up and shat them out. I remember Mikey Havoc describing it the next day as "a total mindfuck" (a nice mindfuck that is).

Anyway, here is a link to a site where you can click on the dates down the left side which will take you to fan reviews of every single concert they have ever played.

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Getting bums on seats at the rugger? Why lets just rob people and then stiff them for good measure.

I'll keep this brief because my point is simple.

People in NZ rugby circles have often commented this year on why there are less people going to rugby games and what can be done to entice them along. Well the reason they aren't going is pretty simple. There are a lot of games on these days and people don't have the time or the money to go to all of them. Another key reason is people don't really want to go along and watch teams with their best players missing through being rested for non existent up and coming games.

Anyway, one suggestion which has popped up on radiosport talkback quite regularly is copying off the Australians with their cricket coverage.

And what they do is they won't broadcast the test match or one dayer in the city where it is being played unless it is soldout.

Well the reason why this won't work in NZ is equally obvious but I don't think I've heard any callers or radio hosts really mention it.

In Australia all the main sporting events are free to air on stations such as Nine Network (which has the cricket), Seven Network (which shows the rugby) and the ABC amongst several others.

Whereas in NZ the majority of the major live sports on our TV's is on Sky Television.

So people have subscribed to Sky Sport on the basis of them getting live rugby games, live league games, live cricket games etc. They have paid to see them live on their screens.

And therefore Sky and the rugby union wouldn't have a legal leg to stand on if they told people in a particular area that they couldn't watch a match unless it was sold out or a certain number of tickets were pre sold. People have already paid to watch the game. Sky gives the rugby union money for the rights which has come from people who have subscribed. Subscribers could then turn around and say it's a breach of contract and cancel my subscription, give me my money back or give me free tickets to the game.

So let's have a few hosts work this out and put this argument to bed shall we?

Petrol Prices

There is a Mobil petrol station on Royal Rd in Massey near where we live which for the past two months has had it's price for regular petrol four cents a litre cheaper than the going rate in NZ.

So at the moment it is 1.399 cents a litre.

Last year the Mobil a few minutes drive from that one on the other side of Massey had it's price at a cent a litre cheaper than that Mobil and all other petrol stations. I put that down to the fact that there is a Challenge Station over the road and they were trying to undercut them. Challenge usually responds by having it's price at .8 of a cent instead of .9.

But four full cents is a big difference and I don't understand how they can afford to go that far under the standard amount unless they really are making a killing. I'm not going to complain as it's the nearest station to my house. but that combined with the 6 cents a litre you can get off using Pak 'n' Save vouchers is a good little bit of petrol price news.

Anybody out there know anything about Mobil's continously undercutting at one particular station though and why it might be happening?

Monday, October 02, 2006

New Use for my Decking Timber

I'm going to have to rip it up and build a fucking ark.

I mean it rains in Auckland but I've never been in rain like this in Auckland. This is what it's like in Korea during Monsoon season.

Auckland has had 72.5mm of rain so far in the first day of October and the monthly average is 94mm. Given that it is pissing down again I wouldn't be surprised if we have already exceeded the monthly average before the end of day 2.

A guy at North Shore golf club reckoned they had 98mm of rain in 24 hours.

It's now coming in as a sideways wall of water.

We will be the house on TV that fell down the bank into our stream. Speaking of which, when does a stream become a river?

Sunday, October 01, 2006

From Our WHAT THE FUCK Files

I'm not totally sure it cost us the grand final because the Roosters were red hot around that time and we did score a try to take the lead early in the second half. But who knows. It's the type of halftime effort you'd expect from a kids coach.