9/29/2003

The Rude Pundit owes you nothing. He is free from all obligations. Unlike you, he can say whatever he wants. He will always speak the truth. He will always try to make you uncomfortable.

The Rude Pundit knows that the majority of the country believes in liberal policies. They just don’t know it. Yet.

The Rude Pundit believes that the reason the left has failed to get an open following is that it has allowed rudeness to become the language of the right. Thomas Paine was rude. W.E.B. DuBois was rude. Abbie Hoffman was rude. The Rude Pundit could list more people, but he doesn’t want to waste time on your history lesson. Go read a fucking book.

You get nowhere by standing on the street corner and declaiming that Bill O’Reilly is unfair to guests or that Donald Rumsfeld is evil. You make a clear image by listing all the kitchen utensils with which Mr. O’Reilly should be sodomized. It may be a no-spin zone, but it ain’t a no anal violation zone.

The Rude Pundit believes "rumsfelding" should become a new word for anal violation.

Rudeness doesn’t just mean you get to say words like "fuck." Fuck you if you think that. Rudeness means that arguments are made in a way in which the facts make all opinions obvious. Give people enough rope.

The Rude Pundit is a squeaky wheel. He is a thorn in the side.

The Rude Pundit knows all. He has seen you with your pants down, he has seen your sex toys, he has peeked in the window of your secretary’s apartment, he has your college transcripts, he has your credit report, he knows how much gas mileage your car gets, he knows who you voted for, he has watched you put your mother in home, he has seen you hit your kids, he has seen you looking at pornography, he saw where you hid the bodies, where you dumped the chemicals, he has glued back together your shredded documents, he knows what foods you’re allergic to, he will feed you the foods you’re allergic to, he will make you watch while he fucks your mistress, he will send flowers to your enemies, he will tell everyone how small your cock is. The Rude Pundit doesn’t care. Remember: he owes you nothing.

The Rude Pundit will drag America, kicking and screaming, back to democracy, back to hope, back to a government by the people.

The Rude Pundit is a super-hero, a crime fighter. He is straight, he is gay, he is unaffiliated. He thinks your daughter is hot. Or your son.

The Rude Pundit has been waiting for when the level of stupidity in the world reached such a fever pitch that he could not longer stay silent.