weightloss

Sorry I skipped yesterday. I really was feeling in the dumps. I didn’t even end up eating much. I had the rest of my soup from the day before and I also had 2 fish sticks. I just didn’t feel like eating much.

Breakfast

I had the almost the same breakfast as a couple days ago. A piece of bread, a tsp of margarine, a slice of cheese. I also had one probiotic yogurt. Nothing special.

Total calories is 270.

Lunch

For lunch I had onecup of quinoa/rice mix, onecup of green/yellow beans and I had one fresh egg from a farm. I thought I’d try the eggs out. I fried it in 2tsp of oliveoil.

Total calories is 540.

Dinner

For dinner we got surprised by my boyfriends mom to go to a&w and she would pay. I just got a blt chubby chickenburger cause it had a whole wheat bun and a small amount of veggies at least lol.

Total calories is 630.

Exercise

Nothing to report.

Mental/Spiritual Health

Today I feel not happy but not like I was yesterday at least. I think getting over things takes some time. I just need to be gentle with myself I guess.

I don’t know how I feel today. I’ve been really lazy. I literally just finished 13 Reasons Why and I found it really good. As a person who struggles with depression, I like how it emphasizes the other people orcircumstances that can cause someone tobe depressed. They always focus on the person with depression but we never tryand change the world so that people aren’tassholes or the fact that we shouldbe acknowledging people’s emotions ingeneral. The world tries to suppress theiremotions but it makes people internalize it and makes people think that the worldisagainst them and to say anything is seen as “weak.” Were forced to put on masks all the time and we shouldn’t. People needsupport and they need love. Think about someone you know and ask them if they are okay. Ask them if they need someone tolisten. Ask them if they need support. You never know if this smallact will savealife or if this smallact will make someone feel love in a life where they feel isolated. We need more kindness, support and love in the world.

Breakfast

I had a really unhealthy breakfast today. Sometimes I just feel like eating dairy even though it causes me grief. (Pretty sure I’m lactose intolerant) I had twopiecesoftoast with 2tspofbutter and 2slicesofcheese. I also had a probioticyogurt.

Total calories is 450.

Lunch

My lunch was a little bit healthier. I had 11/2 cups of salad with 1 tsp of olive oil and dulseflakes, 1 1/2 cups of frozenveggies and I also had cabbagerollsoup. Here’s the link to the recipe: Cabbage Roll Soup.

Total calories is 554.

Dinner

I ended up eating 4piecesofpizza. I just gave up like usual.

Total calories? Who knows.

Exercise

None.

Mental/Spiritual Health

That show 13ReasonsWhy really hit home. I finished watching it. Now I kind of just feel depressed cause I can relate to the maincharacter on so many levels. Other than bullying or teenage life, her feelingsare the same as mine. I think I understood her too much. I’ve kinda just spent all of the evening and even today (the next day) depressed. I’ve lost faith in people, losttrust, and I honestly just want to be alone.

Sorry if this blog is a day late. The previous paragraph will explain. I’ve been struggling with intense depression for awhile now. It’s something I’m trying to work through and do my best at. I’m sorry these blogs kind of took a down turn. You never know what life is going to throw at you and sometimes it’s really hard.

I’m feeling a bit better today.. so far. So I think I may be able to do some extra stuff today. I was thinking about going for a walk later. I think I just need time to heal from what happened still. It was a kind of traumatizing event for me to lose someone like that so suddenly then have to try and trust them again when they came back. I guess I’m too hard on myself.

Also for the note, I do write these blogs as I go on with my day so if things seem to change rapidly while you read this, that’s why.

Breakfast

My breakfast was simple again. I just scrambled3eggs with a little bit of seasoningsalt and pepper. I also added some dulseflakes as well. I’m trying to stay away from too much oil cause I can tell it makes my insides very sluggish right now because I used to eat a lot of fatty foods. I also had a cup of blueberries, 1/2cup of cherries and 1/2 of a banana with cinnamon on top.

Total calories is 413.

Lunch

Today I tried something different but still using my leftovers. I had salad with dulseflakes. And I also made blackbeanburgers with 2tbsp of ketchup and fried them in 1tbsp of coconutoil. Here is recipe:

1 egg white

1 cup black beans

1/2 cup quinoa/rice mix

Tbsp minced garlic

1/2 tbsp taco seasoning

1/2 tbsp chili powder

Then you just mix all together and fry in a small amount of oil.

Total calories is 570.

DinnerSo I’m coming to the conclusion that I suck at this and that my dinner time is always going to suck haha. It’s just so hard to cook delicious junk for my boyfriend and then not eat it myself. I try and keep my portion down though. Anyways, I made homemadefried chicken in a Thai sweet chili sauce. And I made makeshiftmac and cheesewith elbow macaroni and cheese whiz. For the friedchicken I just used 2cupsbisquick with paprika, chilipowder and garlic powder and I beat 3 eggs. I just dipped the chicken in the flour then the eggs then the flour again and after I just coated it all with Thai sweet chili sauce.

Total calories around 965.. I failed lol.

Exercise

Well I started watching 13 Reasons Why so I just potatoed again haha. I really have to get myself motivated to at least go for a walk.

Mental/Spiritual Health

Today was a better day. Not totally better but better than yesterday. I’m still feeling some pain but I’m trying to receive love more and not just cut everyone off because I feel scared of people leaving me. I tend to do this when I get hurt. Just keepswimming.

I’ve been feeling lots of grief and heartbreak from me and my boyfriend breaking up for a week a week ago. Even though we got back together I still feel the emotions. I’ve been feeling unwanted and unloved still. It was so sudden and I felt like I had lost everything for that week. He has been wanting space and unfortunately for me, I have some codependency issues I need to work on. So of course for a person like me, space means unloved and unwanted. I know I need to start depending on myself but it’s hard when you’ve always depended on others. I know I need self love, but it’s hard when you’ve never loved yourself. These things torment me. Now I have to go to work with these feelings. But what can you do but keep going forward?

Breakfast

Today’s breakfast was nothing special. I had another one of those smoothies I had yesterday but only drank half I also had two end pieces of toast because I ran out of bread with 2 tbsp of peanut butter.

Total calories was 553

Lunch

I drank a bit more of my smoothie cause I ran out of time before work. Apparently I only had orientation today so I got sent home early. Kind of sucks cause now I’m just sitting at home doing nothing. I had leftovers from yesterday. No pictures today because it was the same as yesterday. Not everyday can be exciting lol. Maybe my supper will be better though.

1/2 cup quinoa/rice mix

1/2 cup black beans

3/4 cup green beans

Seasoned with garlic powder, taco seasoning and dulse

Total calories 444

Dinner

Well I failed yet again. Dinner always seems to be the hardest time for me because it’s when I crave the junk food. Didn’t do that bad though because I refrained from eating too much though. I made a homemadebacon alfredo with fuselli pasta. I only had about a cup of it. It might balance out though cause I didn’t finish the rest of my smoothie. Here’s the recipe:

2 cups milk

1 1/2 cups marble cheese

3 tbsp flour

4 tbsp margarine

Garlic powder and black pepper

6 strips bacon

One box of smart fuselli pasta

Total calories is 652

Exercise

Nothing to report here. I ended up not being at my job long like I had hoped.

Mental/Spiritual Health

Today wasn’t a good day for me. My depression got the best of me today. Sometimes this happens though as I am human. I hope tomorrow I can perk up a little bit and maybe actually start doing things. But I’m not here to report me being fake happy so this is my reality right now.

Two years ago around this time I fell off the bandwagon within a day (for writing blogs at least.) I hope to make it a little farther this time around haha. I think most of my blogs will be a what I ate in a day/what I did in a day that relates to my health on all levels. Anyways here we go!

Weight and How I’m Feeling Health Wise

So this time last year I gained an extra 20pounds which seemed like out of no where but a couple months later I got diagnosed with Lupus. I think my weight gain may have also been due to the extrastress I had in my life as well. If you read my AboutMe you can see all the other issues I deal with on a daily basis as well. Anyways, I weighed myself today and I am sitting at 195.4 pounds. This is about as heavy as I’ve ever been in my life. At 5’3, this is quite a bit to me. On the other hand, in the past 6months I’ve felt a lot better than I have inthe past 2 years. I’m not 100% by any means, probably only 60% but that’s a lot considering where I was at. I’ve done a lot of emotionalwork over the years which has helpedgreatly. I think I’m at a point in my life where I feel like I can start healingwithout feeling bogged down by absolutelyeverything.

Here’s what my body looks like at 195.4pounds.

Breakfast

I don’t really have that many groceries in the house right now unfortunately so I kind of had to wing it to come up with something healthy to eat for breakfast. I had twoeggs just fried without oil on a pan and I added pepper, taco seasoning and dulse flakes. I’m not going to add a picture of that cause it wasn’t the prettiest haha. But I also had a smoothie with:

One Banana

1/2 Aloe Vera Juice bottle (didn’t have the water I usually use)

3/4 cup Wild organic blueberries

1/2 cup Dark cherries

1 tbsp Chia seeds

Total calories was 485.

Lunch

My lunch was very cheap and simple. Like I said, I don’t have much for groceries so I just gotta make due. I ended up making a quinoa/wild rice bowl with black beans and frozen veggies. I also had a size of green beans. I seasoned it with tacoseasoning, garlicpowder and dulseflakes. The recipe is super simple but here it is:

1/2 cup quinoa/wild rice mix

1/2 cup black beans

3/4 cup frozen veggies

Tsp garlic powder

Tsp taco seasoning

Tsp dulse flakes

3/4 cup green beans

Total calories was 308.

Dinner

And sometimes I fall off the bandwagon on the first day.. lol. I cook for me and my boyfriend so sometimes it’s hard to eat well when he doesn’t like healthy food cause I’m too lazy to cook two meals. I also have a bit of an overeatingproblem too which doesn’t help. I did try and throw in a bit of green as well as kept my caloriesundermylimit. Also for the record, I am counting calories because I do have an over eating issue. Otherwise I’m more about eating for nutrition more than anything.. sometimes haha. But hey, I’m human and you just gotta pick yourself up and try again.

Anyways, for supper I made fishsticks and perogies. I also have a bit of salad with dulseflakes (seriously trying to get iodine) and a small amount of ranchdressing. Here’s to eating good again tomorrow. 😛

Total calories is 735.

Exercise

I didn’t actually exercise today but I did clean a bit as well as spent a good half hour outside trying to scrub off duct tape from my car window so I’m sure that helped a bit. Tomorrow I start work at a greenhouse so I will definitely have some exercise tomorrow.

Mental/Spiritual Health

I am looking to start doing yoga/meditation here soon when I have time. I also like to watch self help videos often. I did a forgivenessexercise today to help me forgive an important person to me so I can move on from the past. I totally believe it is just as important to nurture your mental and spiritual self as well as your physical self.