blessedchick

Sunday, February 04, 2007

Note to self

Saturday, February 03, 2007

I have never felt as lost as i do at the moment.I have always been a person that knows what i want and how to get it.and in most cases i have got what i wanted.But everything is a blur at the moment, in every aspect of my lifeI don't know what i want to do, i don't know where i am supposed to be.I am so confusedI need directionBTW: its 3.30 on sunday morning and i need sleep, lack of sleep might have something to do with the cloudynessbut i cant sleep cos its a scary thing to watch somebody die.strangeblah blah blah

death

Today i arrived at work to hear one of my favourite residents passed away in the morning.I new she was sick, but was not expecting it to be so soon. This lady was a dementia resident who was over in the amber wing with me when i worked there and she followed me to hospital. So i have been a carer of her for 3 years. She was lovely and beautiful person and i will miss her.

As i went about my job today, one of the other carers asked me to help her with a resident. (This resident was also very sick) As we were doing her cares this lady looked not good, then all of a sudden her breathing changed, We left the room and got the RN and we tidied up the room, then all the staff that was on duty sat by her and spoke to her as she quietly slipped away.I was so pleased she was not alone. I would hate that.

The first time i had ever seen a dead body was my Nana. This lady died the same way and it is the first time i have ever seen somebody die.I don't quite know how i feel, a bit shaken, sad.

Death is such a strange thing, a person that has always been there is gone. How are you supposed to deal with that.is there any special way to move on, or i don't know

To be completely honest i have not dealt with the death of my Nana yet, for one i don't know how and 2, everyone who is close to me ran away until they thought i had dealt with it so they didn't have to be there for me.My family doesn't talk about thingsso i am just left hanging, wondering what to dohow to deal with anything really.