I FEEL SO GRATEFUL FOR THOSE WHO HAVE HELPED me through this venture, especially when I am so penniless. My very talented cousin helped me conduct my first ever photo shoot with a real make-up artist and model (who is also my co-creator who was able to fill in last minute). It was an awesome experience to see how my work would be presented and expressed. It made everything seem more real. These photographs were so integral to be used for various applications to demonstrate purpose, poetry and most importantly, be a portfolio piece.

Shout out to Eric Tong Photography (the two black-and-white photos are courtesy of him as well) and Make-up Artist, Lennie Ede for lending me their amazing talents.

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TODAY I HANDED IN THE FINAL DELIVERABLES required to complete my studio requirements for my BDES. It’s strange to think my 7 years of school have worked up to this point. However, there is little room to celebrate as everyone prepares for the undergraduate degree exhibition (May 5-19th). Unlike the rest of the show, the design majors at Emily Car University curates within its department and it’s always this mad scramble to make custom displays, format documents, print takeaways, etc. Despite my efforts to keep my 8×8′ space simple, I decided to make custom shelves to house my pieces. I’m kicking myself for the extra work, but I know it’ll look beautiful and clean. Thankfully, my dad is helping me build some smaller components which gives me more time to develop my supplementary pieces. It’s coming together.

My final maquette with exception to the tiny ipad which will be replaced be a monitor

Every student’s exhibition model laid on the floor plan for the curatorial committee

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FEW CHANGES WERE MADE TO PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER since the original iterations. I made the piece slightly larger and stitched a rib to allow for a better hood shape while also further referencing straight jacket sleeves. Of all the pieces made, this was the most painless.

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PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER INITIALLY STARTED AS A COCOON called You Need a Hug. This concept gained no traction once I realized its limitations. Looking at the existing family of objects, I was missing a piece which reflected personal space and potential for empowerment. Drawing inspiration from straight jackets (feeling “crazy” or perceived to be so), this piece needed to address possibilities of control. Once I did my second Series of Screen for Interaction, everything fell into place. The brilliant thing about a voluminous scarf is that it can be worn so many different ways; this adaptability perfectly reflects the elusive states of depression, to feel withdrawn one moment and brave in another.

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I WANTED SNAP OUT OF IT TO DO TOO MANY THINGS, I had to make some sacrifices to keep my sanity. My top priority was to have this as a transformative piece. It is a piece about the transitions and healing experienced with depression. The piece had to consciously reflect fragility and change through the crisp nature of the porcelain. It needed to be something to be broken down several times, so a large neck piece felt like an obvious route. Each time a piece is broken off, the piece can be restrung as a new piece.

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WORKING TO THE FINAL PROTOTYPE OF CHIN UP, BUTTERCUP, there were many changes and challenges I faced. The consensus from the first semester was to exaggerate the “chin up” much more. I had played around with making the knit higher to cover the face and longer to become more layered (but this was too similar to the aesthetic of Pull Yourself Together).

Eventually I came around to making the “neck brace” element as a separate piece from the scarf as means of pushing the notion of disguise. The user would then be able to wear each piece separately or together. The brace portion is made from vegetable tan leather, molded to fit comfortably under the chin. It snaps together at the back; the tighter the snap, the more restrictive the head movement and higher the chin. I also decided to reduce the gauge of the knit to look more commonplace, but with metal toggles that reference something more medical.

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SNAP OUT OF IT GAVE ME THE MOST GRIEF because I had big ideas with dead ended outcomes. I definitely made the most prototypes for this concept, hoping that a miracle would happen and I would know which direction to move towards. This concept started as breakable jewelry that embraced the beauty in destruction. I kept thinking about breaking bones; relating physical pain with mental pain. The work was highly influenced by my Series of Screens for Interaction, where breaking was this act of catharsis. I tried to capture this with hidden layers of coloured porcelain slip, bone-like aesthetics, notions of medical bracelets (how you have to cut them to get them off), but I kept struggling with the result- once you break it, then what? Is there a way you can reattach it or does it just lay there in pieces? Can you give it to someone like a friendship bracelet? Too many questions to answer.

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THE FOLLOWING ARE ANOTHER SERIES OF SCREENS.Similar to the last series, this screen uses emotionally-driven words (this time, emotions directly tied to depression) to prompt different interactions with the given material, as determined by the participant. My participant was given a very long strip of fabric and again, none of her actions were premeditated. These were the results of this interaction.

THE FOLLOWING ARE A SERIES OF SCREENS to evaluate the interactions of ceramic (for the purposes of a quick trial, I used air-dry clay) and emotion. After my participant chose the clay prop for each study, she would be randomly assigned an emotional prompt. None of her actions were premeditated, they were interactions of that moment. It was interesting to see which actions I anticipated and others which surprised me. She said this activity was very cathartic and an overall fun experience.

MY COMMITMENT TO MATERIALS is not concrete, as of yet. However, I have set my parameters- I want to make sure there is a juxtaposition of materials which fully represents the spectrum of emotional tactility. Conflict between materials can translate the contradictory nature of depression, that it can be hard and soft at the same time. I am leaning towards ceramic, fabrics and wools, and possibly wood because their physical qualities can change over time (eg. wood can soften or break).