This is my story of a happy ending after a 2 year long battle with TTC as a PCOS'er... After the toughest period of our lives, our prayers were finally answered and now we have the sweetest babe to call our own. This is my account of dealing with new parenthood- the pretty and not so pretty :)

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Today Birdie slept an extra long nap giving me some time to get ready for a lunch date I had with a friend.

I love Fall, and fall clothes. I was super excited to have the time to actually think about what I was going to wear seeing I've been living in my maternity leggings and jeans. But lo and behold nothing really fit. Ok I wasn't expecting jeans to fit, but I thought for sure my pre-pregnancy jeggings or fitted shirts would. Um no. I had no clue my thighs increased in size so much since the jeggings refused to go beyond that area. And who knew my boobs had grown so much - none of the fitted shirts I tried fitted right. Wow a real wake up call.

I want to preface this by saying the process of pregnancy and giving birth gave me a whole new appreciation for just what my body is capable of. Like most women, I've had a love-hate relationship with my weight most of my life, but I was at an all time low with the toll PCOS/infertility took on it and the sense of feeling like my body was failing me. So I'm going to keep my goals realistic and in no way allow it to become obsessive. That being said I'd still like to return to a healthier weight for myself.

Yesterday marked 6 weeks since Birdie's birth and I have to admit I've been eating like crap. I've had little time to think about what I eat, and though I'm not eating a whole lot I'm surely getting extra calories from the cookies, bagels and donuts that have become too regular for comfort. It's not good for my insulin resistance and it surely can't be good for her either.

I want to commit to being a little more mindful of my eating habits. Now with 6 weeks behind us, motherhood isn't as overwhelming as it was, so I should be able to carve out some time for myself to plan meals in advance and to head to the gym.

Today keeping this in mind I handed Birdie over to husband when he got home (with a bottle of pumped milk in the fridge if needed) and headed downstairs to the gym. I have absolutely no excuse seeing I have a full fledged gym in my apartment building.

I'm starting slowly: 30 minutes on the treadmill. At a pace that actually got me sweating a little. And you know what? It felt really good. I am thinking of doing one of those from couch to 5k training things- it'll keep me movitated and challenge me.

I read that losing 1.5lbs/wk while breast feeding is totally ok. So this will be my goal for the 2olbs I'd like to lose. I'll let you know how it goes. Slow and steady wins the race!

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

It's been a solid month now that our little Birdie sleeps a solid 7 hours straight most night. Some nights it's 6 hours, some nights even 8 hours. Last night she slept 7 hours at which point I took her out of her crib to nurse her (more because my breasts were bursting with milk and painful). She nursed while still sleeping for 10 minutes and then pushed my nipple away. I put her back in her crib and it was another 3 hours before she woke up. Amazing right?!

She is a great night time sleeper, but daytime had been an issue. With her falling asleep at my lap and waking up as soon as she was put down. Now she gets about 2-3 naps a day (averaging about 2 hours each). Sometimes I put her on her tummy to nap, and other times I just let her nap on my lap on the Breast Friend while I am on the computer and other times she naps in her swing. During her awake hours she nurses constantly to make up for feedings, and when she's not eating she's become quite alert and interactive. We can actually leave her on her activity mat or in her crib (she LOVES her mobile) and as long as she's not hungry, she'll sit and "play" on her own for 30 minutes or so. Other times we just love holding her, singing to her, dancing with her, speaking with her etc.

I finally feel like I have the hang of this motherhood thing a bit better now (should I even say this?). We've become a lot more social, Birdie and I. My work place is a 15 minute walk from our apartment, so I've been meeting work friends for lunch or some friends have been stopping by the apartment to say hi. We've been doing weekly playdates (more for us at this point than the babies) once a week with one of my good friends who is also a new mommy. I was intially nervous about taking Birdie to a restaurant and attempting to eat lunch/have a conversation but she's been great. I've been sticking to some restaurants close by that have wide enough aisles for my wide bassinet stroller. I make sure to feed Birdie before we leave, and take a bottle of pumped milk with me to feed her if she needs it while we're lunching. Most times she's perfectly content looking around in her bassinet, mixed in with being held by me and my friends. We try and get out of the house almost every day for a short walk around the neighborhood. Having a bottle to take with me has made me a lot more confident about leaving the house!!

This is not to say it's at all easy (because it definitely isn't!!) but it is to say that things have gotten less overwhelming than in the beginning. And I'm actually starting to enjoy all of this and not wonder as much how we'll get through it. Part of it is us knowing our little baby and her cues better, part of it is being more confident in my own mothering abilities and a big part of it is also being acclimated to our new lives and routines.

Monday, October 11, 2010

... who knew this would be so challenging? Is it just me or is there SO much to read about every topic, with everything (from the Bjorn to soothing a fussy baby) requiring a phD to master?

I had wanted to hold out on pumping until atleast 3 weeks to give my milk a chance to come in and establish a nursing bond with my daughter without bringing in the pump. Last week I finally brought out my Medela InStyle Advanced (two boobs at once!) and excitedly tried pumping.

Test 1: My excitement quickly turned to dissapointment- I wasn't expecting a full bottle, but I was definitely thinking it'd be more than .75 ounces (combined from both breasts, for a 15 minute pump session)?! Especially since I've been soaking my breast pads, and Birdie had seemed to be perfectly nursing at each session. Not to mention, she awoke early from her nap and wanted to nurse 20 minutes after I'd pumped and I don't think she got enough milk despite nursing longer than usual, leaving me one cranky baby. I'd read that babies were much better at getting milk out of the breast and pumping 30 mins before feeding still left enough milk for the baby? I guess not.

Test 2: I did some reading of tips online and tried pumping after she'd nursed, to build my supply and encourage more milk production. Day 2 results: after 3 day time sessions (for abt 10 minutes each time), I had about 2 ounces total and Birdie wasn't cranky since she'd already fed.

Test 3: My baby girl sleeps 6-7 hours straight night time, so I thought I'd pump 3 hours after she'd fallen asleep, thinking this would be 3 hours before she awoke and my breasts are usually heavy and painful when I finally nurse her. A 15 minute session got me 2 ounces of milk which was exciting, but for some reason baby girl awoke an hour after I'd pumped, and from my observation I don't think she got enough milk. I ended up feeding her 1 ounce (of the 2 I'd just pumped) after she'd nursed on both breasts. It was only after this that our crying baby fell back asleep.

I now have about a 4 ounce bottle sitting in the fridge, which seems enough for one short outing. So I haven't done any pumping today. Which I know isn't a good idea in terms of encouraging milk production, but I feel guilty since I seem to be not feeding my baby enough by trying to pump simultaneously?

Birdie had her 4 week appointment today and she's gained the right amount of weight (1 pound in two weeks) so she's obviously getting enough nutrition and I'm producing enough milk. But any tips for how I simultaneously nurse her and try storing some away?

What's worked for you ladies to get more milk? When to pump? For how long?

My Medela has an automatic "let down" function every few minutes it seems. And I've been pumping at the 5 of 7 levels, which is as high as i can tolerate without it being overly painful. Already drinking tons of water, eating oatmeal daily, and eating a healthy diet.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

What's new in Birdie land? Isn't it a wonder how much a newborn changes daily! Each day, she is becoming more and more interactive. Yesterday I was greeting her post-nap with my usual huge smile and "mommy loves you" repeated in silly voices and I got a tiny smile back. I quickly called her daddy, and she did it again leaving me and husband jumping for joy. Oh how your definition of "success" changes. Lately give me several wet diapers and chubbier by the day cheeks and I feel like I'm having the best day ever.

I've been feeling slightly lonely recently- we still are not going out much, other than for walks around the neighborhood and I'd been mostly discouraging visitors trying to get a hang of Birdie's needs/routine first and it's easier dealing with her fussy moods without guests around. Today I had my pregnancy buddy (who's little boy is two months old) come over for a play-date and she was absolutely surprised at how alert and active Birdie is. She loves being held up with her chin resting on my shoulder and observing the world with her neck held straight. Our little one came out of my womb eyes wide open, and she was lifting her neck from day one. Now she turns her head to follow noises, makes eye contact and stares for long periods of time with an intense gaze and new faces/art work... I'm also feeling far more confident about having folks over, so we are going to start having friends over more often now.

So we're doing better, both her and I. I feel like every day is a learning day, and we're surely (albeit slowly) learning how to read her moods, how to soothe her etc. Not saying by any means that I'm an expert, but somethings that have helped recently:

white noise: husband discovered that Birdie loved the sound of the faucet on when she was having one of her crying fits. Since then I've downloaded the white noise app on my iPhone and she falls asleep well to the sound of waves or rain fall. It's been a life saver

sleeping on her tummy: I know this one is controversial but we realised that the reason our little one may be so fussy day time is that she wasn't napping at all. She'd fall asleep nursing and would sleep on my lap but as soon as I put her down in her crib, she'd be awake a few minutes later. Now I let her sleep on my lap for longer until she's in deep sleep, and for one afternoon nap I transfer her to my bed and lay her on her belly. I get a book and sit on the bed next to her and keep a close eye on her. She sleeps really well this way and gets in atleast one afternoon 2 hour nap. She's been a whole lot unfussier as a result. My mom said when we were babies, we usually slept on our bellies and that it really helps a baby with intestinal issues/gas etc. Whatever it is- it works!

Burping: I'd try burping her and sometimes she's let one out, but often times after a minute or two I'd give up. Now I make sure to get a good burp out of her after each feeding. New positions have helped: for Birdie, bouncing her in my lap for a few seconds and then cupping her chin and leaning her over slightly seem to work usually. The position I was taught with her resting on my shoulder, tapping her back rarely worked for us.

Not over stimulating her: it goes against instinct. Usually when she's fussy, we'd try everything under the roof to see if it'd work, and in doing that overstimulate her even more it seems. Now we try to keep things as calm as possible and maybe try one or two things at most, and she calms down easier

Evening massage time: I use warm organic extra virgin olive oil and give my little one a gentle massage. Back home, babies get massages twice a day and it is said to help with everything from circulation to easing their growing pains and aid in relaxing them. We've started giving Birdie a massage each evening to establish some resemblance of a routine- I'll nurse her around 9pm, we'll do a massage, diaper change, pajamas, and then one more feeding before rocking her to sleep around 11pm. She sleeps really well after this.

These are small tricks that have worked for us. It's interesting how each baby is so different- after a few fussy evenings, we offered her a pacifier and she wouldn't take it (tried Avent, Nuk, Soothie..). She also doesn't like the Swing that so many blog parents have raved about.

My breast pump arrived today so I'm beyond excited to try that out and hopefully become more mobile as a result. Last weekend, husband and I ventured a little further from home than we had with Birdie and went to do some cold weather clothing shopping for her. She was behaving fine, so we even bought some coffee and falafel sandwiches to enjoy in the park. I used my nursing cape to feed her in public (a first! and it wasn't so bad other than my aching arms...). I was glad to see I was fine doing this, but I still think pumping will be easier in NY. Especially now as it gets chillier.

So that's our update. My little one has been sleeping 6-8 hours straight most nights (we checked with her dr and she said up to 8 hours was fine and not to wake her up to feed her!!) which has been amazing. Granted I'm still getting up every hour or two to check on her, but it's still amazing. She is usually famished when she does wake up and I think we make up for it day time by having lots and lots of nursing time.

In short that is how we're doing- I've never been more tired, and at times I miss mini-aspects of my pre-baby life (dying to go Fall shopping!!) but each and every day with Birdie is so much fun and I'm loving motherhood. Especially as we learn more about our babe and how to keep her calm and happy :)

About Me

I'm 31. Husband is 35. We've been married for 5 years and we're still madly in love. Manhattan is home for now. We have a lovely life in every sense, but had been trying to add a little bundle of joy to the mix for 2 years. It was an awfully lonely journey but we finally have our little miracle in our lives. Follow along as I make the journey from a TTC PCOS'er to a new mama.