Friday, May 20, 2016

Goin' "home."

I'm sort of writing this post as an FYI since I'm about to be MIA because WE'RE MOVING BACK TO TEXAS!! It's been a long time coming...but at the same time it's all happening really fast. And we're kind of prepared for it...but also not at all prepared. Everything's about to get real busy, real fast. The plan's been "in motion" for a while now, but now we have to make all the little details happen very quickly. Like, where do we live? When we do we leave? How do we get there? Cancel this, order that. Talk to this person, email that person. You know, just the essential/annoying little things that have to be done when you're moving five states away. BUT, this is hopefully the last time we have to move like this because we are about to become PERMANENT residents of Texas. LIKE GETTING NEW DRIVERS LICENSES AND EVERYTHING! I'm totally going to have to re-think the whole direction of this blog because so far a lot of it's been loosely based around our weird gypsy lifestyle, haha. (That's okay though, I've been rethinking it anyways...maybe more health/happiness/wellness/fitness directed. And of course still ramblings. Mostly ramble is all I do here...)

So besides that FYI-might-not-blog-for-a-month warning, I thought I'd also explain a little bit more about why we're going back...

I'm sure anyone who's read this blog over the past year or so knows that we really loved our time in Texas. It's still something I can't quite explain. We just loved it. I used to talk a lot about how John REALLY became himself there, but I think it was true for me also. I just didn't realize it at the time because I try not to get too attached to anything in life, but from the moment we got here all I wanted to do was to go back "home." Texas became home. We're not going back to the same place, but to Dallas this time, and I've never been so maybe I shouldn't speak too soon but I really think it'll become home too. Maybe I sound crazy saying that and it makes no sense to anyone but us, but we truly think that's where we should be. I'm a huge, HUGE believer in signs and that life shows you the right path if you pay attention, and as much as we have hated it here, it's what we needed to show us the right path.

At the end of Johns project in Texas we actually were at a crossroads of what to do next. I somewhat hinted at it when I was like, "we're probably moving soon...but can't confirm." And that was because we almost stayed. John got a really good opportunity basically dropped in his lap at the end there and it would have been staying in Houston, for good. It was super tempting and we spent A LOT of time weighing our options and the pros and the cons about it. In the end we decided to stick to our original plan and keep moving on with this travel gig. It was honestly really hard for us to decide. And I personally cried a lot, lol. I wrote in my journal how I didn't want to stay in Texas. How then I would have to figure out so much more about myself. How I'd have to try to fit in. How traveling had just become a part of my story. (All of my reasons were very selfish. I realized I've used "moving a lot" as a crutch and an excuse for a lot of things in recent years. Probably something I should write about/explore more soon...) And John spent a lot of time weighing what would be best for us long term. (Because he is NOT selfish, lol.) So because I really didn't want to stay, and because to him it made more sense in the long run to go, we left. But it hasn't really worked out that way. It's not really my place to get into all the details of it because this is all clearly based a lot on HIS job, but moving here just didn't pay off the way it should have. Not to mention...we didn't really like it. Was that obvious, haha?? There's nothing wrong with North/South Carolina, and honestly we have NO room to talk because we've been here for two seconds and haven't seen a fraction of these states, but something just didn't feel right to us. This isn't home to us. (And I posted a while back about how this was Johns main office now and how that meant that someday we would probably end up here for good. So we knew that wasn't what we wanted.)

Over the past five months we've talked a lot about what to do. I think this last move really put us over the edge and at a place where we're just done. We're burnt out from it. Like, how many more times will we move somewhere and just like it alright? What's the point in that? Not to mention how many times will we "start over?" It's a part of what I used to like about it, but it's becoming harder and harder for me personally to go through that part. It's almost like at first I enjoyed moving so much because it was like I was "running away" from everything, but I'm just not a running person anymore. I want to stay put. I want to be able to work on my life, our life, our home, our place in this world without having to change the idea of what that is every time. I want to be able to live somewhere long enough where I don't have to use a GPS to get EVERYWHERE. (Literally still have to do this every day.) I want to be able to buy something and not think "will this match every single apartment we might have?" We've made a lot (okay, so not a lot...but a few) of friends and then they either move away or we move away. It's been very lonely, which I honestly don't mind most of the time, but I'm realizing it's not the healthiest. So while there's a lot of things we've gained from traveling, there's also a lot we've had to miss out on because of it. We don't take any of it back...but we're ready to turn in our keys.

SO, we made a plan. We wished and prayed (me, lol) and worked (John, lol) for it. Really though, I just think it was meant to be. We got sent here for a reason...to make us stop and question where we really wanted our life to go. And it pointed us back. And really, it wasn't so difficult to get back. I always tell John that him and I are very lucky people. I'm not sure what we've done to deserve it...but we just are. Like you would not BELIEVE the number of lucky pennies I found in the past few months. Probably around ten, not kidding. I kept finding them everywhere and then I'd send John a picture and be like, "don't worry, everything's going to work out." I even snuck one into this backpack before he went to Dallas and he was like, "did you seriously put one of those pennies in here?" But it must have worked because WE'RE GOING TO DALLAS so HAH!

"Maybe people hate then around here" haha. I found this one while John was actually in his interview. Like, come on? Tell me that isn't weird?? But of course it's not all luck, Johns very good at what he does. And he's the most determined person I know. He knows what he wants and he fights for it because he knows he's worth it. Basically his middle name is confidence. (Something I think I'm finally learning from him lol.) I always laugh because he's the type of person who goes into an interview and asks, "what can you do for me?" while I'm the person who goes in like, "hi, I'll be your slave and do whatever you want." Lol.

So yeah. Going to Dallas. I titled this post thinking of that Drake song...you know the one that goes, "just hold on we're goin' home." A little over two and a half years ago we were going through somewhat of a similar situation, when we were in Omaha and decided to move back "home" which was to Michigan then, and I remember that song coming on the radio one night and bawling in the car to John. All I wanted was to go "home." Except when we got there, it wasn't really home anymore for us...and we left again. It's like we've been on a mission this whole time to find out where "home" is for us. Where do we belong? Where do we want our life to happen? I mean, Michigan will always be home in a way, but it's almost like we grew up in one house and it was great and we loved it, but then we moved to a new, bigger and better house. I don't know, that's how I would best describe it.

Anyways, we're excited. We're ready for it. John wants to buy a house. I want some babies. Life's about to get REAL. Just kidding, neither will be happening anytime soon but at last we can plan for them now. Which is more than we've been able to do, ever.

So we will see how this all goes! There may still be some travel here and there, but nothing like actually moving our entire life around. And we may not even love Dallas the way we loved Houston, we'll see. I've been known to speak too soon, but I just can't help but be REALLY excited about it. Like we are REALLY EXCITED over here. Johns actually been home all week and taken care of pretty much everything (thank you God). And I put my two weeks with the family I work for, so my last day will be...a week from today, and then we're leaving the next morning. Nothing is packed yet and we have people coming into town this weekend so this is about to get real hectic, but in a good way. (Hence the reason I'm taking a mini break from blogging here...)

10 comments:

Ahh!! So excited for you guys. Way to go John on doing so well in his interview!! Texas really sounds like the place you two need to be and it makes perfect sense. I am so glad we got the opportunity to meet and I can't wait to follow along in your new journey as you begin to settle (whhattt!?!). I hope the move goes smoothly...everything seems to be falling in place the way it needs to be for you all! Of course the hard work and smart decisions you guys have made contribute :)

So exciting, lady! My husband and I are in the process of a move after we took a huge trip and right now things are all chaotic. Just remember with your move, it will all get done and it will all work out. :)

We still haven't even started packing hahahaha. We have to be done by Friday. It's just too hard to start lol. GOOD LUCK with your move too! And YES it'll all work out for sure! Which is probably why I'm not stressing over it. It's allll good.

yayyyyyyy!!!!!!! When I saw that on facebook I got so excited for you because I knew how much you guys loved TX and how NC was kind of a harder move to make. So I am stoked for you! And the lucky penny stuff haha they really were all signs! And maybe the people of NC really DO hate pennies so they drop them everywhere?! Who knows! That's also so exciting to make a change to your blog, like you've found something you love so much and you want to yell it to the world. That will make blogging even more fun and stuff. So the house and babies thing, yay! Especially the baby part :) I just feel like you'll be such a cute mom and so good and loving to your kid(s!!!) so whenever that happens, I'm already so stoked for it haha xoxo

STOKED! You are such a west coaster lol. I feel like I hinted SO much at this. Like "something is going on but I can't say..." so I felt like no one would be suprised by it but maybe I'm a better secret keeper than I think lol. And yes this blog needs a little change I think. I need to redo the whole thing again. At least I won't be employed again for a while so I have looooots of time lol. And you're so sweet about the Mom comment. We're still planning on at least another 1-2 years, but who knows. If we know we're not moving like this anymore, it kind of changes everything so we'llllll seeeeeee.

YAYAYAYAY!!! As someone who lives in Texas, I fully support this life change!! I love your honesty about all the emotions, confusion, and craziness associated with being young and not knowing where life should take you/where you should LET life take you! I still have days when I'm not sure that I want to be in Texas, but I love love loved reading you say you think it's where you and your husband came into your own(s). Good LUCK!

Oh my gosh, I am SO behind on your posts but just wanted to comment since I've been following along on IG :). I've never been to Texas (or out of the Midwest for that matter) but how exciting that you guys are moving back! It has been hard for Omaha to feel like "home" to me so I can kind of relate (only because I moved from Lincoln to Omaha which is an hour, womp womp). Hopefully the moving process has been going well! I'm excited for you guys to find a house AND babies!