April 28, 2018

Oh how I wish I wish, I wish, these existed on film, but I am so elated they exist at all.

I like their ambiguous, two-sided impression, in fact;

I think that's what I was feeling.

Friday: 5pm. I was about to put on pjs and get ready to spend the night in my room collaging, watching New Girl & Grey's Anatomy. The flat Seattle day had broken; the clouds lifted and the sun peeked through. I realized we still had three more hours of daylight (thank you Spring!) and I could do nothing but think about this place I had passed while on my run earlier that day. I asked Emma if she was available and sure enough, she was. My creativity was starting to pour out of my body. We walked a ways up into the neighborhood of Capitol Hill and arrived.

We were defying (my perception of) time. We rested in the long grass strewn with pink petals. We stood on the cement, bare foot. We held flowers in our hands like they had just been born that day.

I am a planner and I like to schedule things out. This was so, good for me. I am slowly training myself to exchange curiosity with my friend, anxiety, who I know oh, so well. It's time to trade my focus on my internal relationships to ones that will feed me in the long run. And, this is a huge reminder of where I feel most like myself. I am outside making the world through my lens look as if nature was the only life form that meant to be in existence and the center of our attention and being.

Another reason why I think these give me a sense of ambiguity is this new love affair I am developing with digital photography. I didn't pull out my film camera during this shoot and I don't know why. I was cheating on her. My heart is with film right now and this is why I have a love & (not hate because those are the same emotions, but) struggling connection with my digital camera,

at least for right now.

This past week brung me back to noticing how thankful I am for Mother Earth and the peaceful homeostasis she provides. Thank you.

April 25, 2018

i love that my lens acts as a mirror to reflect their own light right back to them.

we just look for light in different forms, together.

If you don't follow me on Instagram, I wanted to share what I have been up to over there! As I welcome this much needed rebirth of Spring energy into my life, I'm giving myself a lot more time dedicated to photographing people and allowing myself to learn, why I do it. Right now, because I know this can change over time, but right now, I have come to this:

April 23, 2018

Oh, Happy EARTH Day.
We have the same mom,
We were born from the same;
We live together.
I hope you notice this.

-

It’s an incredible paradox to read so many posts and articles on Earth 🌏 Day that make light of enjoying it “while we still can.” Just like our own, the Earth’s LIFE, is not permanent,
it will have an end too.
If we really loved our Mom, we would tell her, remind her, and act upon the meaning of, “I love you,” every damn day of OUR lives.

April 20, 2018

I thought I would share this comparison I did on my Instagram stories the other day.

what I captured & what I saw.

This was so interesting for me because this is a way to visually teach myself how I see things. These were all shot on my phone and that just goes to show the best camera you have, is truly in your hands. It's what you see, how you shoot it, and seeing your vision to the end is what makes an image carry it's beauty. The most important tool in photography (and life) are your OWN EYEs. Please let that sink in.

The light was absolutely stunning that day, I was overcome with gratitude and in bliss.

This week I'm bringing a cleansing sense to my life in what I say, eat, do, and how I spend my time. I want to continue this and grow towards expressing more light, air, smiles, breath to myself and those around me. I want to create a space for myself and others to experience a feeling of buoyancy to this wonderfully complex life;

April 7, 2018

When we first look at someone, we look into their eyes. When we look into eyes, we can’t see their flaws. Now let’s just stop there for a while. To see someone, all we need to look at, are their eyes. Since they’re the gateway to the soul, done, we found the door! So let’s talk there for a minute and then they can welcome us inside to their depths and strengths and insecurities and into who they see themselves to be. Let’s not assume we know them by just looking at them.

Notifications. I didn’t have my phone on my run but I could feel notifications lighting up my brain. I don’t take my phone sometimes because I need to physically take it off my body and be “phone free” for an hour. But the notifications don’t stop. They’re right here, lighting up my forehead and sometimes I wish I had my phone just so I could type everything out so I don’t miss a notification! When I say notifications, I mean I am hearing a little voice in my head say, “Me! Me! Look at Me!” It’s some sort of magic. (Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert. If you know, you know.)

Stop looking, start feeling! I know you see my photos, (I’m talking to Instagram users mostly) but did you read my caption, did you see it during a quick scroll or did you actually sense something from the act of looking at my image? I blush and I grin and I laugh a little when I hear a comment about how “beautiful,” “hot,” or “stunning,” my subject or I look (APPEAR) in the image. Thank you, thank you! I made that photo, or I’m sharing that photo, because I think it’s beautiful too! Yay! We both see beauty in this world! I so so appreciate that and you, so maybe next time, read the caption, sit with some of the words for a bit and then make a comment about how you feel!

Photographing People: I want to do more of it! Stay tuned for this; it’s coming. I saw a photographer with a couple at the park and I’ll keep it at that, I want to do more more more.

Are you self-taught? Heck yeah! I’m definitely studying photography in college right now, as I type, but ahh I see “photography” is something that everyone is self-taught at. Yeah, I have the best instructors and professors and mentors right now, if you talk to me for five minutes I bet you’ll hear something about how much I love the arts community I’m finding here at Seattle U. But in the end, we’re all individually learning things on our own. So yeah, I’m self-taught, and I’m teaching myself through other people, right now, just like you are!

And the last one has escaped me. Darn. I knew it was a good one. I was two blocks away from my home and I could hear it speaking but even the pick up in my stride couldn’t grab it. Whoever finds it, I hope you nurture it. Along my run I was counting words on my fingers when a new idea would surface but some of the words didn’t resonate… enough for me to pull the idea back.

Just kidding, I remembered! Following. I run in the city so every so often I have to wait for a light to change to cross the street. This one instance, there were two other women at this light with me. There were cars buzzing past and speeding just to catch the green light. Then there was a wave of no cars, and we ran/walked across the intersection even though the lit up man on the sign hadn’t told us to go yet. I did’t go before the woman in front of me went for it and the woman next to me didn’t cross until I started. We are followers, we do as we see others do. Just a testament to women right now. If we see others going out there, not waiting for a SIGN or a SIGNAL to tell them what to do, other people are going to be behind you, supporting you, with you.

April 6, 2018

I just looked at some old posts on my blog and realized how much I miss documenting my life and my thoughts. The beginning of this calendar year hit me out of no where and I got so busy with my overloading of classes and information I'm (honestly) still recovering from the amount of information and new ideas that came before me these last three months. It's April (what?!) and Spring has sprung, just as I have become much more relaxed but also much more in tune with my daily intentions and goals. I think this natural up and down goes along with the seasons and that's how I am able to keep myself in check. I know the winters are always taxing and dark, but I also know that on the other side, light creeps into my world in the spring in the most beautiful new ways. I hope you're feeling some of this too.

There is truly an unfathomable amount of things I learned in the last three months, many of it is just starting to surface in my every day life. I intend to share snippets because I want to remember all this (or at least be able to go back and remind myself) for as long as I shall be.

As I am preparing these thoughts, below are two film images of Alissa I scanned in from an assignment which explored luminosity. I am particularly drawn to these now. These days I not only actively look for light and joy in each moment of the day, but I am also feeling every interaction with each human I come in contact with, a divine experience; one to connect a tangible sensation with.