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“Don’t feel sad over someone who gave up on you, feel sorry for them because they gave up on someone who would have never given up on them.”

Just to make it clear, I have not given up. No! And I am not giving up. There are important people in my life right now who I haven’t spoke to in months, not because it is my choice but because it is the circumstance. But I am not giving up on them even if they seem to have done the opposite.

I guess I’m just like that – stubborn. I do not give up easily especially on people who matters to me. It is hard for me to let go. I think it is also because when I let one person into my inner circle, it means I really value that person, that I am sincere with the friendship or the romantic relationship I share with them.

Just like one of the tweets I recently read, “The hardest thing is not talking to someone you used to talk to everyday.” Indeed. When there something good or bad that happens to me, I want to share it to them. But since they are “gone”, I just can’t help but feel lonely and alone.

But even if my heart grieves, my life won’t stop. Life goes on. I have to go on, I have to move forward. They may not be in my ‘present’ to share my journey, but I hope to see them again in my future.

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When things around me become so intense and overwhelming, I cant seem write. I can only manage to write a few sentences, sometimes in post its or small pieces of papers. Although I wanted to write every detail of the event, whether they are good or bad, I get too overwhelmed that I usually end up with only drafts. I guess it’s because I want to capture it perfectly in words.

Right now, I am in the same situation. And I want to cry and seclude myself from the cruelty of the moment. I want to hide and run away, far away like I used to do. I am feeling so bad. But I chose to write down this feelings instead. In Raw. unedited writing. Actually, I am forcing myself to write. I can’t do the same thing over and over again. I have to pour out and open up to the world the emotions I am trying to conceal.

I am broken hearted. But it’s not because of some romantic reason. My heart is broken because a very good friend, one of my closest friend just suddenly stopped talking to me. And I have no idea why. Last time we talked, things were good. It was short but still it was good. We talked about their family vacation. Then after that, I heard nothing from him. I would see him online, send him messages but there was no reply. Not even one. And I am upset. I don’t know what I did for him to avoid me. I kept asking but he is silent. And yesterday, I found out that he deleted the Facebook account I created for him (with his permission) and deleted me from Skype too. And it hurts big time.

I have no idea if I did something wrong, if I offended him. At least he should have said something. If it was my fault, he should have told me. He can blame me, shout on me, tell me all the wrong things I did, I would accept that. thats way better than this silent treatment. I cant bear this. I just cant.

If i am at fault, at least I can apologize. Not like this. I am puzzled. It is a mind-torturing.

This isn’t the first time it happened. Few years ago, he also did the same thing. The difference though is that, before, he stopped talking to his other friends too, now, it is just me. And like I said, this time, he deleted me from Skype unlike before. So it gives me an impression that he wants to end our friendship. And I don’t even know why.

I already cried a bucket. But im afraid, there are still some I will shed. I am just broken.

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Happy Birthday IDY!

Thanks for the friendship. Praying for greater blessings for you and your entire household. Your friendship is a blessing and I hope and pray you will continue being a blessing to others. I know you don’t celebrate birthdays and for you this is just an ordinary day. But this day is special because this is the day that the Lord has made for you. God chose this day as your day of birth X decades ago (hahaha… I’m not revealing it). You were born to this world, so your wife, kids, parents, siblings, your entire family and friends will be blessed through your life and that is something to celebrate. (I hope this will convince you… If not, I don’t know what else… haha… 😛 )

And happy birthday to your son as well. 🙂

… Mr. Birthday Boy! hahaha… 🙂

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As the media reminisce the things or events that made it to the news this year, I am also reviewing this year and list down the 10 significant events or things that happened to me. Here they are, in random order:

Winning A Writing Contest, December – This is the most recent event that happened to me that’s why I mentioned it first. I joined a contest on Philippine Star sponsored by Globe and National Bookstore, and my entry was picked as one of the Weekly Winners. My article was published a week before the deadline. 🙂

Resigning From My Job, August – I have been planning of quitting from my job since the year started because it was just way stressful, not to mention didn’t pay me well and the schedule is at night. However, my short stint as an Assistant Operations Manager in a website company (10 months) was also a blessing to me as I have learned and benefited so much from the trainings, exposure and working closely with my bosses, clients and my team. While salary always come as secondary to me, the job of an AOM that required so much from me, that usually ends up as charity works (I’m not paid for overtime since I accepted the position), is one of the reason I call it quits.

New Job, December – Although I won’t be starting until February of 2011, I already have signed a contract with my new company. The work schedule is great (daytime), salary and even the benefits. The start date is also great as I was able to spend and enjoy the holidays with my family and friends, and also since I pledged long time ago (I don’t remember when) to not work my birthday which is next month, my prayers are answered.

World Cup 2010, June to July –I was hooked to the FIFA WORLD CUP 2010. I was introduced to the sport long time ago but it’s only in 2006 when I paid attention to it because of my Korean students who were so crazy about it. But this year, I am not teaching anymore but I was glued to the matches of FIFA. I made sure I am updated about the results and the fixtures. I supported Brazil, Italy, Mexico, England and South Korea. Well I wanted Brazil to win but they were knocked out during the semis. Spain wasn’t really a favorite during the start of the

Spain won!

game, however I rooted for them during the semis and the final match against Holland. And I was so happy they won! Woohooo!!! I remember sitting in our living room, watching the game at 3am until about 6am, screaming out loud alone during the match! Idy, my best friend from England even called me via Skype to congratulate me. Hahaha… I won’t forget this WORLD CUP, I was so into it, I didn’t even want it to end. Also, that’s when I met some of the great football players (ehem… handsome footies!) – Carlos Vela, Iker Casillas, Cristiano Ronaldo, Kaka, etc.

AFF Suzuki Cup and the Azkals, December – Looks like the last month of this year had a lot of significant events. I came to know about our own National Football Team dubbed as the Azkals competing in the AFF Suzuki Cup 2010. I’ve blogged a lot about them in the past few weeks, one during their stunning win against the powerhouse and 2008 AFF Suzuki Cup champion, Vietnam and them reaching the semis. It was great to hear my own National Team doing well in the ASEAN football competition. While I supported and love Brazil during the World Cup, and cheered for Spain during the finals, cheering for your own national team gives you a different kind of happiness and pride. It’s really different when you are cheering for your own. I am just so glad to have the Azkals. Like I wrote before, during the World Cup games in July, Filipino football fans were just few, but ever since the Azkals made history, enough for them to grab the media attention (thank God for their football skills and of course their gorgeous looks! ehem… Neil Etheridge), the fans has grown ten folds. Great! Now, people in this basketball-crazy country is being aware of the beautiful game. It’s about time to revive football. We’ve had it since 1907. Wake up Pinoy footballers!

Singapore Trip, July – It was my first overseas trip. It was my short but great. My well-deserved vacation as my best friend Idy said. (Read the story here.)

Election Campaign, April to May – Mom ran for public office as a city councilor. Unfortunately, (or should I say fortunately? :D) she didn’t win. The family was not really expecting it. My mother never dreamed about becoming a politician and we didn’t even dream about becoming a politician’s family either. Being Minister’s daughters is already enough. Politics is too much. But in the last few days of Nov 2009, she filled for her candidacy after being convinced by a family friend/politician to run under his wife’s line up of councilors . The experience during the two months of campaigning for her, her team and the presidential candidate that we were supporting was really something new. Though I already campaigned for a presidential candidate back in 2004. And even though I was busy at work, I made sure I joined mom in her sorties almost every day.

New Friendship, April – I gained new friends from work. I may had my share of nightmares as the AOM at work but I have found treasures also in my friendship with some of them.

Maintaining Friendship, All-Year-Round – Change is normal. Relationship turning sour is sad but it’s part of reality. While I had to end some friendship, I was able to maintain some and I am so glad it is with them. They are gems! I hate to admit, but I think I am bad at maintaining relationships – may it be platonic or romantic relationship. This is something I really need to work on I know. But I’m glad, God blessed me with great friends and they are so awesome!

M

M, Almost All-Year-Round –

There are lots of things to list under this, but I guess I’ll just mention 3 of them. First would be his first real attempt to come here. He was supposed to come here around early March to work in the same company I was working. Everything was set, he already booked his ticket, I’ve already talked to my boss, we were ready, his family approved and supported his plan, I was nervous as it will be our first time to see each other after 5 years, but during the last minute, he was denied of a visa. He was crushed, but I was more than crushed. Second, he got a new job after a long time of trying and applying. He is employed in a good company. I was happy for it at the same time sad. There is a big possibility that in a few years, when he is established, his parents will find someone for him to marry as part of their culture and tradition and it may not be me. Third, he was ‘gone’ again for a few months. I don’t know why I act as if it’s something new, but he’s been doing it since 2004. We didn’t talk for a few months. Just one day, he stopped sending me messages. I just let him. I thought at first it was because I wanted to give him time, then later on, I said to myself, I had no more time and I can’t wait much longer. So I decided to also distanced myself, by this time, he was trying to get hold of me again, but I wasn’t responding. I wanted to see what he’s willing to do for me. Four months past and I only got heaps of offline messages on my yahoo and a call in August. We talked during the last week of September. I was able to tell him how I feel about our situation, we cried, we both cried. It was one of the saddest day in my life. We weren’t able to agree on something, we ended up sweet talking again but after the 5-minute chat in October, I haven’t heard anything from him again. *sighs*

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