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Thursday, August 11, 2011

Little Britain - Wets on fire now

Dear British Prime Minister, David Cameron,

No wonder Britain’s on fire now. You have become a nation of complete wets.

Anybody who has taught at one of your Government schools recently will tell you that they are just training grounds for rioters. Discipline is not allowed and the teachers have to pussy foot around their classrooms in constant fear of upsetting one of the little dears, or worst of all being attacked.

And the generalbe soft on criminals culturethat Britain has been promoting is now coming home to roost big time. The cops are almost afraid to speak to anybody in case they break a host of be nice to the public codes of conduct.

While shops and other buildings were burning all over your country TV commentators were saying things likeThe Government isconsidering using water cannons and rubber bullets, although these are very controversial.In otherwordsin pliable old Britain, where the Queensbury rules have been reduced to an absolute farce,Wedon’t want to offend anybody’s feelings by using these unlesswe are forced to. We’ll only do it if the whole of London has been burnt down.

Talk about fiddling while Britain burns your Government was caught napping, but instead of bringing in the Armyto patrol the streets you persisted in believing that a totally inadequate number of Policemen could do the job.

In my humble opinion it is not the job of the Police to fight yobos in the streets on this scale. They can’t be doing that and arresting people at thesame time because all the paper work that entails immediately takes them away from the action.

You expect the Police armed only with shields and batons to hold back hordes of savages running from street to street with petrol bombs and other kinds of weapons. Modern technology, like cell phones and Facebook, no doubt enabled the invaders to outwit authority and make it that much harder for the Police to restore order.

Let the Army do the containing and the Police can do the rest. But for some obscure reason your Government seems to think that bringing in the Army is a sign of weakness. You wouldn’t think that ifthissaved your shop or your home from being burnt to the ground or prevented one of your children from being killed by the mob.

After the initial flair up inLondon nobody thought of immediately banning any hoodies or people with their faces covered from the streets or a dawn to dusk curfew in the areas most likely to be affected. The criminalsas you called them were allowed to run around freely looking like bank robbers so that their faces would not be picked up by any security cameras.

You had a meeting of Cobra, your committee that deals with national security, when the rioting was already out of control and you announced that a fight back was under way.Come off it David you can’t call it Cobra any more. It hasn’t got anything like the venom.

You need to change the name to Viper. As you know that’s Britain’s only poisonous snake. It too has gone soft. Unlike the Cobra, Wikipedia says that relatively speaking, bites from this species are nothighly dangerous.

Appropriately, like people who set fire to cities and endanger lives on a grand scale, it isillegal to kill them inBritain.

Hitler must be turning in his grave thinking: If only I had waited afew years theThird Reichwould have been sunning itself atLand’s Endand drinking scotch atJohn O’GroatswhileDavidwas still whistling forPolicereinforcements.

David weren’t you bragging that you would fix broken Britainwhen youbecame Prime Minister? I’m afraid you’re not even picking up the pieces and there is no chance of fixing anything unless you can reverse the Brits are wetsapproach (see my post Little Britain – Brits are wets now) to just about everything.

Unfortunately history is against you because when great empires go they really do the job properly. All that’s left of the British Empire seems to be your struggle to hold on to England. And the Roman Empire is run by an Italian Prime Minister who spends more time in court defending himself from sex charges than actually running a country that long ago ceased to be anything more than a joke.

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About Me

I was born in South Africa just before the Boer War whenever that was?
Started life with a golden spoon in my mouth which made eating rather difficult as a result I was under nourished as a child.
Went to a posh school where I only got moved up a class when my old man donated another sight screen for the cricket pitch.
Career prospects were dismal and I was once turned down for a job in the London sewers. "Too highly qualified;"that’s what they said.
I became a journalist when the Police Force wouldn’t have me.
Like most journos I know nothing about everything but I still write about it.
I decided to have my own blog so I wouldn't have to drink with the editor for hours on end to get my stuff published when according to my independent assessment it’s always of great news value.
My religious beliefs are: You only die once so remember, "You can’t be serious and Have Fun."
NEWS FLASH: I've just been appointed the Poor Man's Press Ombudsman by Presidential Decree (Not to be confused with the PRESS COUNCIL OF SOUTH AFRICA'S, SA Press Ombudsman)