Archive for the ‘Newspaper Headlines’ Category

I regularly scour the internet for fucked up little stories to post on here, you know . . . the weird the wild and the wooly (let’s pretend wooly fits there) and every once in a while I come across one with a title so perfect fucked I can’t bring myself to read what the actual story is about, much like Joe Malik in Schrodinger’s Cat with “No Wife, No Horse, No Mustache” . . . today was just such a day.

The title?

“Robotic Space Penguin To Hop Across The Moon”

That is fantastic on so many levels I hardly know where to begin. Let’s see . . . first, the words ‘robotic space penguin’ are so surreal and perfect I could levitate – why a penguin? Who cares. It’s hilarious. And where is this Robotic Space Penguin going? Only the most classic ‘loony’ landscape there is, my close chum, the Moon. And what, pray tell, is this Robotic Space Penguin planning to do on the Moon? The answer is ‘hop across it’. Not walk across it, or drive across it, or even skip stalk or slide across it . . . no, it’s planning to hop across it. HOP.

I couldn’t bring myself to read a word of the actual article, it would only be a monumental disappointment.

Every once in a while a story comes to my attention that can’t possibly live up to the title, and you just want to walk away, like Joe Malik in “Schrodinger’s Cat” with the “No Wife, No Horse, No Mustache” article . . . I thought this would be one of those, but it is actually quite amusing in it’s own right. Diving for cheese should become a concept like Praying for Peace and Bowling for Dollars . . . next up, Diving for Cheese . . .

Not only that, though, but the story takes place in a location here in Canada I had never heard of, Baie des Ha! Ha! . . . is there possibly a better title for a place than that? Big Mama, if you are reading this: We need to move to Baie des Ha! Ha! – I don’t even want to know the story behind the name.

Anyway, without further ado, here is Diving For Cheese:

Cheese-maker Luc Boivin threw 800kg (1,700lb) of cheese in the Baie des Ha! Ha! in Quebec late last year, believing it would improve the taste.