My wife has had Christmas music playing through the house all month, and I can’t just sit here and pretend like the dude in “Baby It’s Cold Outside” isn’t a complete creep. Here are some of the most alarming lyrics, with my comments:

My mother will start to worry (beautiful what's your hurry?)My father will be pacing the floor (listen to the fireplace roar)

This woman still lives at home. Is she even 18?

The neighbors might think (baby, it's bad out there)Say what's in this drink? (no cabs to be had out there)

OKAY BILL COSBY.

I ought to say, no, no, no sir (mind if I move in closer?)At least I'm gonna say that I tried (what's the sense in hurtin' my pride?)

“Hey, why would you do something like not sleep with me when it might hurt my ego a little? I’m a sensitive wittle predator…”