When Dating In The Era Of Divisive Politics, Both Sides Stick To Themselves

Data from Match.com shows that singles are more likely now to shun those who don't share their political preference.

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Originally published on February 14, 2017 8:21 pm

They say opposites attract. But these days, maybe not so much.

A growing number of singles are adding a clause to their online dating profiles telling either Trump haters or Trump supporters — depending on their political preference — that they need not apply.

"This was like a deal breaker for me," says 50-year-old Elizabeth Jagosz from the Detroit area. "If you are Trump supporter, I'm not even going to consider meeting you for coffee."

It's not just an issue of party politics, Jagosz says. It's about core values. Love, she says, cannot conquer all.

"If you don't care about a person who says you can grab women by the pussy and that's OK — I don't wanna date you if you think that behavior's OK," Jagosz says. "If that's not a deal breaker for you, then you and I have nothing to talk about."

As another single put it in her profile, "Red hats need not apply."

But the people wearing those red hats — the ones stamped with "Make America Great Again" — have been feeling the same way.

This lack of desire from liberals and conservatives to date each other is what David Goss says prompted him to launch TrumpSingles.com.

"Yeah, it's both ways," Goss says. "You know, like a liberal doesn't want to date a Nazi. And a republican doesn't want to date, well, a whiny snowflake, and that's what they're viewing each other as."

TrumpSingles.com is a kind of safe space for Trump supporters who say they're sick of the "lefties" refusing to even give them a chance.

"[The liberals] are just repeating this left echo chamber of 'Oh, you must be a racist; oh, you must be a homophobe; oh, you must be a misogynist,' " Goss says. "They're judging the people based on who they voted for without actually getting to know them."

Helen Fisher, the chief scientific adviser to the Internet dating website Match.com, says new research from the website shows both liberals and conservatives are moving away from the center of the political spectrum.

"There's a real distinct difference that we're seeing today, and all singles are becoming more rigid in their views," she says.

The data also shows that singles are more likely now to shun those who are at the other end of the political spectrum. And liberals are more likely to spurn conservatives than the other way around.

"I think it's very natural to the human animal to bring it into the idea of 'OK, you like this person, well, you must be like that person then,' " Fisher says. "America is taking this very, very personally. No question about it."

Looking back now, it seems almost unfathomable that even two opposing campaign advisers could cross the aisle and then actually walk down the aisle as James Carville and Mary Matalin did in 1993.

As Carville famously put it once, "You can love the sinner and hate the sin."

The couple says their secret to survival and harmony at home is simply agreeing to disagree.

But today, singles seem to be saying they just can't do that.

"I mean, I wish I could just go out and tell everyone to knock it off and be cool with each other, but it's just not going to work that way," Goss says.

His Trump Singles dating site is up to 35,000 members. LiberalHearts.com, founded by Salvatore Prano, is up to nearly 50,000.

"There's more activity now than ever," Prano says. "I knew liberals would only find comfort in each other's arms."

But there is one other option for lonely liberals. Single Joe Goldman founded MapleMatch.com, a dating site that helps Americans find Canadians"to save them from the unfathomable horror of a Trump presidency." Goldman became his own first client.

"I can't tell you the sinking feeling I felt [after the election]," he says. "That's not the country I want to live in. So why not consider places that might be more in line with my values, like Canada."

It may be better than the alternative. According to the new Match.com survey, a growing number of liberals today are simply choosing to not date at all.

Copyright 2018 NPR. To see more, visit http://www.npr.org/.

ROBERT SIEGEL, HOST:

Finding your soulmate has always been a challenge. Some folks say it's even harder now in the highly charged Trump era. As NPR's Tovia Smith reports, this Valentine's Day, many singles say they can't bridge the political divide to find love.

TOVIA SMITH, BYLINE: They say opposites attract, but these days - not so much. Singles are putting it right out there on their dating profiles, Trump haters or Trump supporters need not apply.

ELIZABETH JAGOSZ: This was like a deal breaker for me. If you're a Trump supporter, I'm not even going to consider meeting you for coffee.

SMITH: To 50-year-old Elizabeth Jagosz, it's more than just party politics. It's about core values. She says love cannot conquer all.

JAGOSZ: If you don't care about a person who says you can grab women by the [expletive] and that's OK, I don't want to date you if you think that behavior's OK. If that's not a deal breaker for you, then you and I have nothing to talk about.

SMITH: As another single put it in her profile, red hats need not apply. But those red hats - you know, the ones stamped with Make America Great Again - they've been feeling it, too.

DAVID GOSS: Yeah, it's both ways. You know, like, a liberal doesn't want to date a Nazi, and a Republican doesn't want to date, well, a whiney snowflake. And that's what they're viewing each other as.

SMITH: It all prompted David Goss to launch trumpsingles.com, a safe space for Trump supporters who say they're sick of lefties refusing to even give them a shot.

GOSS: They're just repeating this this left echo chamber of, oh, you must be a racist; oh, you must be a homophobe; oh, you must be a misogynist. They're judging the people based on who they voted for without actually getting to know them.

HELEN FISHER: There's a real distinct difference that we're seeing today, and all singles are becoming more rigid in their views.

SMITH: Anthropologist Helen Fisher, an adviser to match.com, says new research from the dating site shows both liberals and conservatives are moving away from center and are likelier now to shun each other, the liberals a little more so.

FISHER: I think it's very natural to the human animal to bring it into the idea of, OK, you like this person; well, you must be like that person then. America is taking this very, very personally - no question about it.

SMITH: Looking back now, it seems almost quaint to think even two opposing campaign advisers could actually cross the aisle and walk down the aisle as James Carville and Mary Matelin did back in '93.

(SOUNDBITE OF ARCHIVED RECORDING)

MARY MATELIN: He got on TV, and he goes, you can love the sinner and hate the sin.

SMITH: Matelin and Carville say the secret is agreeing to disagree.

(SOUNDBITE OF ARCHIVED RECORDING)

JAMES CARVILLE: And it's better just to go silent and go your own way, and it'll work itself out.

(LAUGHTER)

SMITH: But today, singles seem to be saying they can't.

GOSS: I mean I wish I could just go out and tell everybody to knock it off and be cool with each other, but it's just not going to work that way.

SMITH: David Goss says TrumpSingles site is up to 35,000 members. There are nearly 50,000 on liberalhearts.com, founded by Salvatore Prano.

SALVATORE PRANO: There's more activity now than ever. I knew liberals would only find comfort in each other's arms.

SMITH: But there is one other option for lonely liberals. Joe Goldman became his own first client on maplematch.com, a dating site that helps Americans find Canadians, as Goldman puts it, to save them from Trump.

JOE GOLDMAN: I can't tell you the sinking feeling I felt. That's not the country I want to live in, so why not consider places that might be more in line with my values, like Canada?

SMITH: Better than the alternative, Goldman says. According to the new match.com survey, a growing number of liberals today are simply choosing to not date at all. Tovia Smith, NPR News. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.