Taps Oan Squad has got summer covered

Roy Beers

Managers at Silverburn shopping centre have this week taken prompt action to curb an alarming weather-related rise in “taps aff” behaviour.

With temperatures set to soar to over 25 degrees Centigrade - routine in London, extremely rare in Scotland –it’s feared more than a few shoppers, typically male, will brazenly flaunt their unsightly blistered torsos.

So what’s described as “a specialist fashion team” has been handing out complimentary T-shirts to cover up the offenders’ formerly pasty upper halves.

Executives at the popular mall say that following the last heatwave they wanted to “gauge customer reaction to the concept”, and many regulars are said to have considered it a good idea.

Some, however, thought the unedifying sight of the typical Scottish male without a shirt wasn’t the only fashion faux pas likely to disturb sensitive shoppers – and sometimes possibly not even the worst.

Socks and sandals are widely seen as a prime target for any right-thinking fashion police, and so are “Hawaiian” shirts and (perhaps particularly distressing) fluorescent cycling shorts.

Other modes of dress which some might find disturbing include the bizarre Bermuda shorts-style khaki “cargo” culottes which leave bare much of the wearer’s peely-wally, pimply legs below the waist.

“Afrika Korps” skip caps, in various unpleasant colours, often worn wrong way round, may also form part of the ensemble.

Silverburn marketing manager Lynne McInnes said: “Given the short spells of sun that Glasgow actually receives, it seems we tend to struggle with summer sun the most.

“However our customers have spoken and Taps Oan is the way forward.”

She also helpfully provided examples of stores at Silverburn where upper body wear can be purchased – but of course regular shoppers will know these already.

What do you think?

Is the Scottish (usually male) habit of disporting oneself nude from the waist up at the merest hint of sunshine a revolting social aberration that should - like smoking - be banned from most or even all public places?