Be Her Best Ever

Until a few years ago, my sex life was like an endless TiVo loop of Lost. I wasn't sure where I was or what I should do, and there were startling noises in the dark. For my girlfriends, each episode was frustrating -- all tease, no climax.

Today I'm off the island, relieved and happy. I have a Ph.D. in clinical sexology, which is a fancy way of saying I've done my share of analysis and have, I think, deciphered the code of female sexual satisfaction.

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In short, I've figured out what the heck is going on. It's mostly a matter of tuning in to her body and needs. Here's a synopsis, including the "tools" needed to find your way out of the wilderness and lead her to happiness.

Technique: Rope-a-Dope

For: Clitoral stimulation

Tool: Tongue

This is named after Muhammad Ali's strategy for toppling George Foreman. Ali stood there for seven rounds before springing to life and sending the tired Foreman to the mat. When it comes to cunnilingus, be like Ali:

• Conserve your energy, letting her do most of the work as she presses and grinds on your tongue. Start with slow, rhythmic tongue strokes. Try a long, easy ice-cream lick from bottom to top that covers the full span of her inner labia and ends with her clitoral head. No matter how worked up she becomes, keep it slow and easy, and consistent. Tease her into delirium, then . . .

• Hit her with a series of fast vertical and diagonal tongue strokes on her clitoris. Then . . .

• Return to slow, easy strokes.

• Repeat until she's out cold.

Why it works: This method eases her gently into clitoral stimulation. The clitoris is extremely sensitive at the outset. You'll start her blood flowing while offering the consistent stimulation she needs. The bursts of vigor add surprise, spike her sexual response, and keep her moving toward orgasm.

Technique: Heart of Palm

For: Clitoral stimulation, with optional G-spot stimulation

Tools: Your hands

Women never forget a nice pair of hands. Make yours memorable.

• Rest on your side. You have all night.

• Place your hand over her vulva, pressing on her pubic mound with the base of your palm. Let your fingers drape against her entire vulva.

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• Let her push against your palm, and use your index and middle fingers to make rhythmic come-hither gestures along her vaginal entrance.

• Lightly stimulate her clitoral head with your fingertips. Gently pinch her labia.

• For variety, insert two fingers, pressing them up against the front wall of her vagina, simultaneously stimulating her clitoris and G-spot.

Why it works: This stimulates her entire vulva, the location of nerve endings that are often ignored. While she's pushing her clitoris into your palm, you're free to do some fancy fingerwork.

Technique: Head-to-Head

For: Clitoral stimulation

Tool: Penis

Think of your penis as one of many tools in your sexual survival kit -- not your only weapon. And remember to use it outside her vagina occasionally.

• Linger. Loiter. Meander. Press the head of your penis against her clitoral head. Or press the shaft of your penis against her clitoris and gently thrust between the folds of her labia without entering her.

• When you penetrate deeply, press your pelvic bone against her clitoris and hold the position.

Why it works: You're hitting hot spots. Many of the nerve endings that contribute to orgasm are on the surface of her vulva and within the first inch or so of her vaginal entrance. When you penetrate deeply and hold, the sense of closeness combined with the clitoral sensation will overwhelm her.

Technique: Upward and Onward

For: G-spot stimulation

Tools: Hands, vibrator, penis

Her G-spot, which is the diameter of a dime, is on the front wall of her vagina, a few inches in. You can feel it swell during arousal. Think of it as more of an area than a spot. It responds to firmer pressure than the clitoris does, so your fingers or a vibrator will sometimes work better than your penis.

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• Place an inch or two of a vibrator inside her vagina, then lift the vibrator to press her G-spot. Bring her legs together around the vibrator and stimulate her clitoris with your tongue.

• During intercourse, stimulate her G-spot by entering her from behind and pressing down on it. Use one hand to massage her pubic mound, which will stimulate her G-spot from the outside.

Why it works: G-spot orgasms don't happen independently of clitoral orgasms. New research suggests that the spot may be the root of the clitoris. Always try to combine clitoral and G-spot stimulation, or at least alternate regularly.

Technique: The Multiple Warhead

For: Multiple orgasms

Tools: Tongue, hand, penis, vibrator, patience

The best time to prove the phrase "There's more to sex than just orgasm" is after she's had one. (You are so damn understanding!) Women can have multiple orgasms because they retain blood in the pelvic area after orgasm. Her clitoris just needs a bit of recovery time because it becomes overly sensitive after orgasm.

• Gradually introduce clitoral stimulation. Use a hand to gently tease her vulva -- you can use a fingertip to trace the perimeter of her inner labia, or let her press into your palm and take the lead.

And finally: Remember to end on a high note. To paraphrase the pioneering sexologist Theodoor H. Van de Velde, it's in the moments after orgasm that a man proves if he's an "erotically civilized" adult. Translation: Don't forget to cuddle.

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