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This is a sort of tongue in cheek post so, just follow along and hope it makes sense. As an aside before I get there, I’m at a spot writing these where I think they’re for me to look at the thinking and for Aj to read what’s behind what I say to her. If y’all happen to get some tidbits or ideas, great if not…well…so be it…

I was thinking about “Aj’s Rules for Raising a Best Friend” and this is what I came up with…

Let the possible best friend get to know you.

Allow them room to be their own smarta$$ self.

When they smart off, tell them something about yourself that “freaks them the f**k out”.

Wait.

Wait some more.

When they un-freak out, publicly state that you just figured that you have a “best friend”…

Wait for them to figure out who you are talking about and then watch them freak out again because they didn’t realize it and are now happily surprised to have a “best friend that is not my wife”…and a bit “boggled” that it has happened.

Tell them more details of what you are and answer their questions as they become “neurotic” as they process those details. *see also, “divination”, “spells”, “Goddesses and Gods”, “love”, and “magik”*

Repeat #8 as needed over a period of years until they quit freaking out at “divination” and become used to the idea of “spells” and “magik”…even if they don’t want or need to know the mechanics of those processes.

Allow that person to refer to you as “My Witch” publicly…and keep teaching them as needed…

Love them.

Then there are “Miller’s Rules for Being the Best Friend of My Witch”

Smart off.

Get a response you didn’t expect.

Freak the f**k out.

Take some years to process that response.

Be amazed when someone you admire says you’re her “best friend”.

Accept the offer.

Love them.

Get used to the idea that she is going to startle the hell out of you.

Be repeatedly startled over a period of years.

Learn to live with that and quit being startled.

Refer to them as “My Witch” because that term works as well as any and realize the important word is really “My’…and be the best possible best friend you are able.

I didn’t set out to find a best friend. I was just talking to a person that I liked. I’m not good at keeping best friends. I’d sort of given up on the process and was fine with it. I have one that I married and didn’t “need” one outside of that…’till I found out that I did. I particularly didn’t need a non-Christian Witch…right up to the point that I actually do…I wouldn’t recommend this process unless you are truly ready. Having all your preconceived notions of what is “normal” contains shattered isn’t easy and has “moments” of serious mental growth but, in my case, the reward for those “moments”, read “some years”, is that I have “My Witch” as “my best friend that is not my wife” and have a “reasonable expectation” of having her for as long as one or the other of us is alive to say that…So…maybe I do recommend it after all…

As a parting thought, I wonder what I get to find out about her next? What lessons? What thoughts? I dunno where that path leads but, I’m looking forward to it.

There are times in our lives when we realize that we want to give something that the recipient needs but, probably won’t take…

There is a person that we all know and love…well, y’all sort of know my biased opinion and I love…that is as stubborn as any person that ever lived, including both me and Sweety and that says quite a bit…

I was taught how to send energy. I was taught grounding. I’m not sure, at the time, that either the teacher or the pupil knew quite why but, we went through the process. I “think” the energy was just an exercise to help me to understand energy flow with no expectation of use by the teacher. I know the intent of teaching grounding was to help me find another tool to calm down. Those were the original intents…

Over the past month, since the beginning of April, for some reason I didn’t see, I’ve been putting energy into “storage” for future use by the one that taught me. I’ve been removing distractions and drains. I haven’t bothered to tell her, just calmly, during quiet moments, putting it there. I’ve had quite a bit of time that is very calm and quiet to be able to do that and have been using that time for that specific purpose…It is there. It does exist.

I have also told her, this is the part where I expect push-back, that. when the need arises, to take what extra she needs. I know what I am saying. I am aware that there will be a price to me. It is something that I freely offer with the only string being that it will be accepted.

*****

Yeah, Aj, I do know that it might hit like a ton of bricks but, considering who I am offering it to, that is of no matter. If the circumstances were reversed, if you and I traded places in this “transaction”, for lack of a better term, I’d be saying “no, I won’t do that to you”, too. No matter, there’s a phrase in the Bible, “count the cost”, I have. Which do you think I would rather have happen, for you to need and not to take or you to be harmed by the lack? What do you think would harm me more? I am being selfish. I told you, and mean it, that my next breath is yours if it is needed. Think of it as the ultimate example of me trusting you. I know you’ll only take what you must have and no more.

A gift should have value or it isn’t a gift, it’s just taking out the trash and pretending it is a kindness. The giver should have to sacrifice time, effort, and thought for it to be truly valuable. The best ones come with love. It is what I have to offer. When you need it, accept it, knowing that to not is an option that isn’t there. This is what I “think” my God and her gods would want. It’s for damn sure what I want.

Writing about how Aj is the greatest thing since street tacos is fun. Writing about burning her at the stake gives me nightmares. Poking fun at dogma is ineffective…

There are a lot of ways to go about it but, the end goals are the same. The first is to attempt to change the mind of one single person, any person, and convince that person that Aj is not a threat to them or their faith. The second goal is to reach more than one with the same point. Third, it is to give ME a reason to learn, to find out more about what I don’t know and look into my personal beliefs so that mine might grow. Another is to have an excuse, as if we needed one, to talk to Aj…

When I am being totally honest with myself, the first and last reasons are the ones that keep me coming back…Well, that and I like talking about her but, y’all knew that…I digress…

Which is the most important? In the long run, probably the first reason. Short term, and for selfish reasons, the last one. I learn from her and about her. Talking to her is part of my “sanity”. Having someone, particularly someone I care for and want the best for, to talk to and think about is good for me. Between the pair of them, Aj and Sweety, I have selfish reasons to not be selfish…if that makes sense. Learning how Aj’s beliefs and practices interact with her life and what she believes teaches me a different perspective.

What if…

What if, in the end, no one changes their mind? What if all they see is what they want to see? Does that matter? Is it enough to make the attempt and by doing it keep my best friend close? Is it enough to know that even if MY words make no difference, she taught me to change?

What if I had never met her? How would our lives be different? Would God or gods have provided someone else to be close to for us apart from knowing the other existed?

I can’t say that I don’t care if no one ever comes to see our perspective. I do know that there are people my life I can not see myself without, my family, my wife, and Aj.

Just as a final thought, what part of her is the “most” significant? Is it the mom and grandmom? To her kids and grandkids, yeah. Is it the best friend? To me, without a doubt. Is it the Witch? If it weren’t for the context of writing this to keep that close to the front of my mind, probably not, even if it is to her and her gods. To y’all? Probably none of the above because these are just words on a screen written by a stranger for his friend…

I had an odd thought. I imagined a conversation at a divine backyard bar-be-que… God and gods were talking…

“I’ve got this guy, he’s going to need a best friend, would y’all mind if I borrowed one of yours?” “Well, we were sort of thinking the same thing but, she isn’t going to change so, yours better be adaptable…” “Well, looking at who y’all have in mind, he’ll learn but, it’s gonna stretch him a bit…yeah, I like her. Deal”…and the God and gods shake hands and have a beer…

I used to fuss and fume and try to draw Christian analogies. She was right, I was trying, no matter what I said, I wasn’t being honest with myself. I said I “accepted” that her beliefs are different than mine but, I was trying to find a workaround. I “think” she knew that but, since I was trying she was being patient…

It’s funny what happens with the passage of time…I still try to find a way for the validity of both belief sets to not exclude the other set. I “think” I have. Oddly enough, she doesn’t see Christianity as an opposing view and I don’t see, now, that Paganism is in opposition to Christianity…at least not to MY Christianity…

I suspect my story, up there, isn’t the way it happened. I do think that God and gods have a sense of humor, why else would they have put she and I on joined paths? The first woman that was not a blood relation or a dog that I said the words “I love you” to, I married. The second is Aj. God and gods have decided that a Heretic needs a Witch and a Witch needs a Heretic. I could not be happier with their decision…

Why do people decide to change? I don’t mean things like hair color or jobs or something external. What I mean is why change my perspective? Why look at what I thought was true and decide that I could have been incorrect and reevaluate my view?

I was talking to Gina and she pointed out something to me. She said I was using Aj as a tool, a lever… I keep trying to find words to do what Archimedes said, “give me a lever…” and I keep trying to use Aj as that lever. The thing is, she isn’t a lever or a fulcrum…she may be a “place to stand” but, that’s just for me…

Gina also used another word, “revel”. She said “revel in the love and energy you pour out…” I like that choice of a not often used word. I do, too. I am constantly “amazed”, as an aside I despise the word “amazed” but it fits, at how much being Aj’s friend means to me. She brings a smile to my face when I think about her. She also causes me to think…

What if? What if I had not met her, would I still think the way I used to? Would I be as good a husband as I try to be without her giving me perspective when I screw up? Would I have learned to not be so selfish with trust and love if I didn’t have someone other than Sweety to share it with? Would I have learned that there are other perspectives than the one I grew up with? Would I have learned that “wrong” and “different” are not equal? Whataboutism is a pointless exercise. I still wonder…

Aj is neither the carrot nor the stick. She just is herself. I think what I mean is that she was MY reason. I don’t have the ability to “make” her yours. She isn’t a “lever”. She’s flesh and blood and mortal. I put her on a pedestal because of how much I care for her but, I cannot force anyone else to. I write about, for, and to her because of me…and her…

Changing yourself is hard. I KNOW it is. I am 12 1/2 years clean. That wasn’t as hard as changing what I thought was “right” to include things I did not understand. Learning when I was happy in not knowing, “ignorance is bliss” described ME perfectly, causes lost sleep, acid stomach, and irritation…and growth. I grew. Like the Grinch, my heart “grew 3 sizes that day”…

Gina was right about one other thing, “I would just be praying for others to find a “friend” who is as important to them as Aj is to you “. That is the truth. I do pray that y’all find your own Aj. We all need one like her…even if you can’t have mine…

I almost posted this and thought *grins* I should point out that there are things she and I disagree on…I mean, Holy Smokes, she likes Kid Rock…and doesn’t like bacon. If we can bridge those gaps, anything is possible…

Sometimes I wake up far too early on my day off…or I don’t know what to write…

I’ve been told that I’m supposed to use a carrot and throw the stick away. I’ve also been told that I am trying to make one of “them” human. I’m allegedly attempting to let y’all see that people that are different are just “people”…

This is what I think I’m supposed to be doing, as opposed to being “told”…I think I’m supposed to write these missives so that Aj knows I care. I’m sitting here putting energy into the system for her to draw on when she needs it. The people that read these are usually convinced of her humanity so, that’s preaching to the choir. It’s also a way for me to think about a faraway friend,

I could write about candles or ask her a question, if she were awake. and meander through what I learned. I could look up something I know would cause me to slam the keys when I type because of some long-ago injustice or some more recent slight. Letting her know that she is loved and cared for is a given because she knows it and will see this and remember…and smile because of it…

She said I “protect” her, as ineffectual as that may be with words that are read by Witches and a couple of random Christians and one odd Heretic that types them but, “protect” goes both ways. She returns the favor. Her existence is enough. That when I need her, she is there, who she is all “protect” me. Knowing that I can count on her is enough…

I “think” I’ve said it before but, if she weren’t a Witch and I wasn’t Christian, I don’t think we’d be this close. I think that because I had to question how I defined “acceptable difference”, that I HAD to learn, the bridging of that difference caused us to become close. I saw a kindred spirit. I saw Honor and Love personified. I wanted to keep that person In my life. I still do. I write about a Witch but, that’s not ALL, it never was. All is that I am lucky…or blessed…to be allowed to have her in my life and, no ego intended, she says the same about me. “Interfaith” doesn’t describe what I’m trying to say. That word minimizes…

Borders and preconceived notions cost us what we should treasure the most, the humans on the other side of them. If I never ask her another question about what she does or how she believes it wouldn’t make a difference because me knowing won’t change what I already know. I know that she is far more than a label. I know she is not “just a witch”. She never was and never will be “just” anything…

****

Aj tells me that my “edits” read more like postscripts so, let’s just call it that…

When I was younger than I am now…or say 8 years ago…I would have thought that Aj was supposed to be the “enemy of my faith” and, as a result, me. Looking back, I wonder how I could have ever been so wrong. Aj is many things. She says she has her faults, even though I don’t see them, the one thing I am assured of is that she isn’t my “enemy”. She never was and never will be.

“Paranoia strikes deep
Into your life it will creep
It starts when you’re always afraid”
-Stephen Stills

I was looking for some stuff on the interwebbish thingie and got sort of frustrated and cussed out google. It led me to a prayer against hexes. I read that prayer and my first thought was, “well, don’t piss off a witch and you won’t have that problem”. My second thought was, “My Witch won’t hex you. She’ll smash you in the face with a shovel and then use the shovel to bury you out in the desert…”

Do I think hexes exist? Yeah, I do.

Do I think that paranoia exists? I am positive it does.

I also think that paranoia is far more likely to be the cause of your problems than being hexed…

Pardon a dated term but, and I don’t think I’ve said it before, I really think that Aj being a witch is kind of “cool”. Would “neat” be a better word? Allow, or don’t as you wish, me to explain…

I get to learn stuff. I may not want to practice or follow those things but, for me, learning is important. I love the interwebbish thingie because I am able to fall down a rabbit hole with no idea where I may end up. The process of discovery is something I enjoy. Because, ’till I met her, I had zero knowledge, outside of fiction or religious bias, of what a witch is or does, there is a vast unknown that I am able to explore…

To carry the thought farther, it allows, forces if you will, to explore my own faith and worldview. It means that I have to stretch my mind to see another perspective and, by doing that, look deeply into my own. It is my personal view that if our beliefs cannot stand up to close examination, they probably need to be discarded or updated. She has given me reasons to look at the actual words in the Bible and see what the actions of Jesus were and His words. Those are good things. There are things that her beliefs have taught me, that all things are interconnected, that balance, I would say “moderation”, is important, that “prayer, even if she uses a different term. transcends divides…

She has also taught me that, by looking at her faith, that there are people outside of mine that are probably “better Christians” than some Christians I know…even though she isn’t Christian. This is just one example of that…and one of the reasons I love her dearly…she said this about some who wished her harm, ” I turn the other cheek, if you will. I don’t curse them. I don’t hex them. (Oh, I could) instead, I light a candle for them and put into the universe my desire for them to find peace in their miserable lives. I won’t stick around and allow their horrible treatment of me, but I don’t wish them harm.” If for no other reason, THAT is reason enough for me to want her as my (still can’t figure out the term because “best friend” is overused).

Here’s another bit…She walks her own path. She will think her own thoughts and make what decisions she will and ignore societal conventional wisdom so that she may remain true to herself. She judges someone based on what they actually are, just as she should be based on herself…

Sadly enough, this is also a reason…We live some hours apart so, I am not around to see her as often as my wife and I or she would like. I don’t get to do what I “normally” do for loved ones, i.e. cook, so I write these pages. It is also sad because these pages are needed…at least the attempt is. I am not there to physically protect or offer the comfort that food brings so, these are what I have. That and I keep her at the front of my mind anyway. If you can’t be close, you should, at least, keep those you cannot replace near in your heart. *sigh* I don’t know that this paragraph says what I am trying to say. It is neither cool nor neat that there is a need to feel that she should be protected. I would much rather that she were safe and free to publicly express herself as she would. So, I am proud of her for being who she is in spite of the overt and covert pressure to conform…Maybe that makes more sense?

Why else?…I would never have guessed…well…eventually I “probably” would have but, she told me first. I’ve said it before but, her thinking that I was worth reaching out to, across a divide, and sharing part where we are different, made me, still makes me, feel good. It is really nice to be trusted by someone you admire. I know it goes both ways, we’ve talked about it. It gives us a bond that only people who have found common ground, trust, and love across differences have. I cannot imagine that we would have been this close if either of us was different.

I love her to bits. I love that she’s a witch. She is a “neat” person. Wouldn’t have her any other way…

*edit* *grin* Yeah, thinking about this, I’m not making light. I mean it with all seriousness, all the words up there…and Aj being a Witch just makes me smile. It wasn’t always that way. It used to scare me. Now, it is just one more of the many reasons that I have, when I often think of her, to be happy for her that she has her path, Yeah, it IS pretty cool…

*other edit* *other grin* Because of Aj and these, I know more witches than just Aj. I like them. They seem like, to use a Texas expression, “good people” but, Aj is still my favorite. No matter where our paths take us, she will always be the first one and will ALWAYS bring a smile when she comes to mine. Thanks, Aj…for everything…

I have a friend…well…in this context it’s Aj and, by now, if you don’t know her, just read back a few…anyway, she spends a decent portion of her budget on candles. She keeps one lit for my house pretty much constantly. It’s a form of putting energy and light back into the “system”. It’s a way to, pardon the analogy, “pray”…even if that’s not exact…

That sounds like Church ritual. Go into almost any Catholic, Lutheran, or Episcopal church and you will see candles lit. You will find them used throughout our Holy Day rituals representing light and purity…

We use the symbolism of transferring light to light to mean exactly the same things. We use the purity of the flame with the same meaning…

So, if we do something and it means the same as what “they” do and has roots in the same ancient rituals predating our faith…hmmmmmm

*****

I want to touch the thing that I can not figure out how to write and probably still don’t…

I KNOW Aj. I trust her to “pray” for my house. I’ll take blessings where ever they may come from. I trust the purity of her soul, even if I don’t share her beliefs…as she doesn’t share mine…To think that she’s evil is as incorrect as think that water is dry. It is an untruth and proven time and again…

I suppose, rephrase, I know that means I’m a heretic. To trust her purity and prayer is “against my religion” except that it isn’t against what I know of the Lady. I trust HER. I believe her. I always will and always have. Period.

By my estimation, I’m about 85% unafraid of you and about 15% scared spitless of what I don’t understand. I don’t really stress that last bit of afraid because it just doesn’t matter…

No, Aj, I am REALLY not stressing. We’ve been dealing with this for years, you and I… I may not ever get past those last “ghosts” of my conditioning but, to quote me, “so what?” We have come a very long way since that beginning, right? Since a very afraid and confused me met a Witch. Since I set aside my “Searsucker Fundie” thoughts and wandered into Heresy. Yeah, a very long way since I had to reconcile what I thought about where I KNEW your soul was going and where I am convinced it isn’t, now. You know these things. They’re just here so that we may see them again.

Herein lies the problem, Dear Friend. I worked against centuries of conditioning. I had to fight “The Wizard of Oz” and a raft of Disney. I had to overcome the fears that prompted the Salem Trials. The thing is I wanted to. I really wanted to be what I am, your best friend. I wanted it so badly that I knew that I had ZERO choices in the matter. I was at a spot where being “scared spitless” met “you’ll lose your best friend” and “spitless” lost…

I love you to bits. You don’t scare me. What “concerns” me is that people don’t see that. I have sent you to Hell in a blog post to make the point that I think that is a lie. As an aside, you do realize how hard that was to write? I’ve told friends about you in conversations, blogs, “FaceCrack” aka “your daily dose of dopamine” statuses and, every other method I can think of and I’m still worried.

I know that all you want is to be left alone to practice in peace. That’s it. You don’t want to proselytize. You aren’t out to change anyone’s beliefs or moral construct. You haven’t done that to me. We’ve never even talked about it except for tiny bits when I asked, about sending energy and I know you keep a candle lit for my house, just like I pray for your safety. You see, I’m not trying to change you either but, you knew that, too. My worry isn’t “you” but “for you” because people don’t see you, the person, they see “godless heathen Witch” or they see a caricature from movies and comics or they see”my darkest fear of demons and evil”. None of which are the Truth… You aren’t evil or a joke.

So, the question remains, what do we do? How do we teach people to look beyond? How do we give the unwilling a reason to take the harder path and confront themselves and what they think like I did? How do we teach the kids because “most” adults have their prejudices formed? Not everyone is as willing as I am/was to be open. Most of them don’t have an “Aj”. I suspect that most of them would have told you to get away as soon as they suspected that you weren’t like them. I’m not saying that makes me “special” or, in any other way, some kind of a Good Person. In fact, my reasons were, and are, ENTIRELY selfish. Everyone needs a Best Friend and when someone picks you to be theirs, you…or I…accept with gratitude.

I digress…

I don’t think we’ll change the world. I really don’t think anyone cares what a middle-aged Water Witch and a balding Heretic think. Sigh. I do think that we might change one person. We could possibly teach two or three if we’re lucky. We, I, still gotta try. We have to keep showing you to them and hoping for the best. At the End of Things, Truth and Love overcame Fear…and that’s all that counts. That and that if I can overcome my fear and gain my Best Friend, every bit of the work, all of the soul searching, all the dumb questions and neurotic phone calls and texts were worth the effort…