It’s been almost thirty years, but we have our first indication that Dennis Rodman is a normal human being: he hates LeBron James.

TMZ is reporting that a “local patron” of Akron, Ohio, named Michael Douglas stopped by a local bar because he heard Rodman was drinking there. Like any free-thinking citizen of Ohio, he approached Rodman and asked him if he was “in town to check up on LeBron”. So, like any free-thinking human being interacting with someone from Ohio, Rodman shoved him. TMZ makes sure to note that the Michael Douglas in question is not the actor, but he got shoved on his ass, so he’s at least Falling Down.

Police aren’t pursuing an investigation due to lack of evidence and Rodman’s reps are saying he has “no idea what this is about”, so here’s my theory; somebody told Michael Douglas the Ohioan that Dennis Rodman was drinking at a bar in Akron, but it was probably just a really tall black guy who didn’t want to be bothered and this guy went a-quippin’ and got pie-faced for it.

More people should get pie-faced for making LeBron jokes in public. I should be getting pie-faced almost constantly. I should be the Marc Summers of LeBron James jokes.

The best part of this by a long shot is the SEO “Dennis Rodman bar fights Michael Douglas about LeBron James.” I wish the technology existed to see the faces of Internet searchers who stumble across that.