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Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Tomatoes And Children, The Gardens Of Life

At the beginning of the growing seasons just like most of y'all, I am always excited to start the gardens. Several weeks before, in the greenhouse we start about three times as many tomatoes plants as needed just in case some don't sprout or if they do, they don't make it till transplant time. In the end we always have way more plants than needed, same with the peppers.
For me, it is hard to discard the plants I don't use. It may be because I have cared for these little ones from seeds and want to see them succeed even though the ones I have chosen to plant will give me more food than I can use.
So what ends up happening every year is this, A tangled up mess of tomato vines without any order.
When I plant, I try and give enough space as I can so they can grow and become what they are. The small plants, when put outside look so vulnerable and weak, what if they don't make? It would leave a void so I plant more just in case and watch over them to insure success, protecting them from the elements.
It starts off just fine with me going out everyday and training the vines to go where I think they need to go. I do what I think is right and head them in the right direction, weaving them in and out, tying them back and keeping them out of harms way. Some are stubborn and want to go out on there own. I try and persuade them to follow the right path because I know where they are growing will never work. I have ran this race before and I know they will be stepped on, broken, produce bad fruit and even die if I am not there to protect them and help them along their way. I know they all have to grow and become what they are, but there are easier ways to do it other than the way some do. I am not the perfect gardener, I have made mistakes and will continue to do so. I also know some of the plants have to experience suffering and misery to understand and adapt to become great, but not mine. I care too much to watch it happen.

The end result is some of the plants grow strong and independent towering over the others. They are the ones where little training is needed and produce some of the best fruit. They need little of your time and still grow in the right direction.These are the ones where you almost take for granted and expect them to do great. Only if they were all this easy.
Then you have the ones that are smothered and overcrowded. Every time you turn your back they grow in a different direction not intended for them. You spend most of your time and energy trying to guide them back to where they are suppose to be, but as they get bigger and older they go where they want if you like it or not. By this time the web they have weaved is so tangled and matted down you cannot reach in and give them a helping hand. No matter how hard you try, you are met with resistance and it's a fight. Even though you show them the right path to grow and they know that it's the right way, it's still a fight and they go another path. But there is fruit, you can see it, It's there, only if you can reach it. It's just so far back in all that mess you can't. So you sit and you wait, hoping and praying for just one more moment where they will need you once again, the whole time wondering where you went wrong.

Your Momma and I love you Boppy with all our heart and we always will. Our front porch light will always be on if you need to find your way back home.

Hopefully Boppy returns soon. We had a similar experience with DD many years ago. It is true - the saying, "if you love them, let them go" - they need to find their own feet in the world, and sometimes their first foray can be hurtful. But I'm sure that you gave her the best upbringing you could, so, as hard as it is, trust that, and give her time.

I only wish I had the problem with my plants! My problem is the weeds, just can't keep up with them.

Had issued with our girls a couple of years ago, didn't speak for nearly a year. It was rough, but we've all pulled through with a better understanding of each other. They went out on their own, and now appreciate more all we did for them. hang in there

Looking back now, life on the farm was not as bad as I thought. It is hard to think I wanted to get out so bad.

Remember saying and thinking that? Give her time. It hurts like Hell, I know - partly because although we see it happening to others, we never actually believe that it will happen to us. We think that if we love enough, care enough and work so bloody hard at raising them that it will protect us - oh, if only. You are all in my thoughts and prayers. Love X

MDR, we are about in the same *place* The emotional warfare they wage is so very painful. We had to let go. Choices she made are so far out in left field its nuts! We always believed it was good to let our children fail/falldown etc at home where it was safe...so they could learn to stand again. This time the choices she made are totally unacceptable and affect so many others..... Hugs and prayers for you and the Mrs.