Comet ISON is hurdling its way to the sun. It will either be destroyed on the way, or come swinging back to present a glorious laser light show in the night sky. Beautiful. Inspriring. Dangerous. Avert your eyes. Look away. It might be the last thing you ever see.

Listen, they tell you not to look at the sun during an eclipse, right? What do they know about this light show? This comet ISON will be picking up speed and radiation and brilliance as it approaches the center of the galaxy. Right now Comet ISON is speeding at 48,000 miles per hour. Add to that whatever particles and minutiae that it picks up from the sun. And then it’s going to be thrown back in Earth’s direction like a cosmic slingshot. The kind of thing that sent the Enterprise into a Time Warp and I’m not talking about Spock doing a pelvic thrust.

We’ve seen this madness before. We’ve been warned countless times. Those who forget history are doomed to repeat it and all that. Comet ISON is supposed to be at its brightest on Thanksgiving, and that’s a scary day in conspiracy theory lore. Forget that this might be a doomsday thing. In Night of the Comet, the solar show put the lights out on anyone over 21. That’s improbable, but still a very real concern…

In Day of the Triffids a similar thing was happening. Spectacular shows were promised. People had viewing parties all across the world. One scientist warned people. No one listened. They all went blind. If they’d looked at it through one of those backwards viewing mirror things you use when you’re looking at an eclipse that might not have happened…

So, you know, don’t say you weren’t warned by old drive-in movies. Is there anything they don’t know?