23 March 2015

17 ways Saturday is different when you didn't drink on Friday

1. You'll wake up crazy early and feel smug about 'making the most of the day'.

2. When you leave the house there will be no people on the street, only 7 cats, and you'll briefly wonder if there's been an apocalypse.

3. A Walk of Shamer staggers past and you realise that you're not alone.

4. At least 3 of the 7 cats will be like: "Get out of my grill, human."

5. You'll pause to appreciate things like birdsong.

6. It's not even 9am and yet you've already been for a run, cleaned the house and tried a new make up look.

7. Your Instagram feed will be all juice and buckwheat porridge until the drinkers wake up and the Full English snaps kick in.

8. You will be taken over by an urge to eat avocados and drink coconut water.

9. Every Saturday should be spent like this, you decide. Who needs Friday drinks when sober Saturdays can be so totally fulfilling?

10. You'll make a to do list and really really enjoying ticking things off.

11. You'll decided to bake something because right now you are totally vibing Mary Berry.

12. On a supermarket dash to pick up baking materials, a bottle of wine will find its way into your shopping bag but don't panic guys! It's for your boyf / husb / flatmate / just because it was on offer and it would've been rude not to.

13. That wine is definitely not for tonight because you're all about that juice life.

14. You put the wine in the fridge just to get it out of the way and paint your nails.

15. By 3pm you've baked some cupcakes, sorted out your entire wardrobe and spent 30 minutes looking at sewing machines online. You have a hunch that sewing is going to be your new thing.

16. Then you remember that you can't thread a needle.

17. You'll be ready for an aperitif at precisely 4:32pm. Oh hi, glass of wine!