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Thursday, September 30, 2010

I started my day well, despite Storm Nicole blowing us all around. Yes, it was raining, and raining and the more I was thinking of how much it was raining, how sloshy the rain is, how cold and damp the rain would feel on my skin, how much work I had, decisions to make and people to reach out to. I realized an old pattern tried to creep in...procrastination.
Believe me I am so happy I am running, when I went to bed last night I felt proud I was putting me first but as quickly as this morning, amazing to see sabotage attempting to knock my good feelings down a notch. I will just need to be more aware and make sure I make a point to bee line it straight from drop off to my routine.

I so do not have time to waste, but this morning instead I...

1. went to Starbucks to grab a treat coffee (I make mine at home most of the time, this time it was a stalling technique)

2. went to Kmart to pick up winter boots. (could have been done after my "Fully Fit work out" time that I have now scheduled into my calendar: 8:30am-10am, shower included) but hey, I was on auto pilot, repeating an old pattern...
tick tick tick the time went and without knowing, an hour slipped by.

Finally I checked in with myself and said, drive....just drive to the reservoir, get out of the car, lock the car, now RUN. You heard me RUN...(I am one of "those", I talk to myself, also).

What's up? About to give myself permission to skip out on my daily gift of exercise because of a little rain (its not soup falling on your head for God sake!)...really, Emme!

I called myself a duck, waddling down the rain soaked path and brought it back to an encouraging comment. "I'm a duck, but a running, committed duck", (I cracked myself up) "not many out on a day like today", "I actually like the rain" and so on till I was done with my loop.

Thank YOU for helping me mark another day on my calendar in honor of my goddessness and health! Glad to know I am not alone in this effort to find balance!

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

This is the deal...
I want to loose 20 pounds and keep it off. No yo yo, no quick off, quick on. A Lifestyle shift, (20 pounds can mean inches lost through fitness and healthy eating, just to be clear). Most importantly, I want to do it happily, lovingly, and yes, leave it off for good. Balanced and calm.

I'm generally very athletic and look like I'm in shape, but in reality, I'm not. I'm the only one who would know this and it doesn't matter what anyone says. You know what you know. I am tired, very busy juggling motherhood, relaunching a life, selling a home, filling a personal life with as many quality driven choices I can and finding time to work out just hasn't been a priority. It should but it hasn't, until now. And just so you know, I'm going to do it my way, that works for me. No yelling marine, no gym, no silly food restrictions, just me and my mind, body and spirit. Living from the neck up is like being an ostrich with its head in the sand.

Well I knew when the pain of not changing was greater than the change itself, I changed.

It came down to this, I'm tired of being tired! I want my jeans to fit nicely, to feel good in my evening dresses and date night outfits and to not let my wiggle turn into a giggle. I love my wiggle and am not interested in losing it, but the wiggle was slowly becoming a giggle and that just wasn't me. My curves and I are here to stay, I just want them to fit and fierce. Get what I'm say in? My one yoga class a week had many many wonderful benefits but was definitely not cutting it for me physically. I have always needed ways to burn my child like energy, if I don't I obsess and become a workaholic and that's also not who I am.

So far, I've been running for 3 days straight, did a spin class another morning with my friend Jodie, I have a meditation practice (was doing this already and can't live without), eat well (I love to eat and eat well, check!) and absolutely will NOT "diet" (in the conventional sense, or any sense for that matter).

I FEEL great, a little sore, but great. On my walk/run this morning, I asked "Why has it been so long"..."why isn't working out like brushing my teeth in my daily life?" Lack of time can't be the only issue.

We are told in yoga class when the student is ready, the teacher comes.

Self acceptance is a really powerful concept to grasp. I have to constantly remind myself to accept myself as is. Right now. Not when I'm 20 pounds less, or if you need, 20 pounds more. I am what I am, no less wonderful than yesterday, no less fabulous than this summer...I have built my career on walking away from the unrealistic ideals around the dangling carrot held out to millions of women and men in our country based on the notion of future happiness. Screw the carrot! We already possess what we look for.

Self acceptance is the gateway the our goals, dreams, decision, and boundaries we draw. The more accepting I am of myself, the more I am of others. More tolerant. Waiting for something or someone to make you happy, is wasted time.

Being out of breath or feeling tired running after my daughter (read tired with a whine) just didn't feel right. I was a major athlete in college, a rower no less! I know how to work out, I know how exercise graces my body...Now is all we have, at least this is what I am beginning to really know through practice. Stop waiting for something to happen and DO SOMETHING! (www.dosomething.org) My girl friend Nancy Lublin is the CEO of this incredible youth organization committed to "youth changing their world". If you need any motivation, check them out. They are doing and not waiting.

So this Monday, with running gear complete with water bottle and headband waiting at the door, I dropped my little one at school and went directly to the reservoir for a run, in the RAIN. I plod mind you, so the challenge of running whips my butt. Run, walk, run, walk, run, walk, eventually you will get there! Remembering the notion of journey and not the end result, helps!

I'd be psyched to hear from you either if you find yourself on a similar path or looking for a path of your own. Together let's leave the quick fix in the dust!