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Happiness

Life can be stressful and chaotic, but generally only if you allow it to be. Sometimes you need to just slow down and take things one at a time.

They say that people’s lives can become happier once they’ve decided to be happy. That may be simplistic, but perhaps it’s a matter of facing life with a more positive outlook.

Give yourself a clear direction

All too often, life can get muddled and a lack of direction can cause stress in our lives. Who hasn’t complained there wasn’t enough time in a day or how the week has flown by. Your week was the same length as anyone else’s, but the difference is how focused you’ve been during it.

We all have things we’d like to achieve, but sadly most don’t take the time to set a clear plan to reach that target. It’s time to get focused, clear your conscious, and really understand what you want to achieve and why. Otherwise, you’ll continue to flounder and not get anywhere.

Focus your productivity

It’s all too easy to get bogged down in the minute, unimportant things that clutter our ‘to-do’ lists, which means we just end up leaving the important stuff to the end.

This will leave you constantly feeling like you’re not getting anywhere because the big items continually get moved to the next list.

Instead, focus on the big things first. If something is truly important, urgent or difficult to complete, then prioritise it. Because generally when you complete the big stuff, the smaller, less important things can sometimes fall to the wayside.

Perfection doesn’t exist

Everybody is way too obsessed with getting things in life absolutely perfect all the time, which in turn may hinder the progress you’re trying to make. And way too many of us focus on the destination or end result without enjoying the journey along the way.

When working towards a goal or target, there’s never a guarantee of progression or even success at achieving a specific outcome. If life was truly set out as a check-list of how to get ahead in life, we’d all be super successful and presumably ‘happy’.

But the reality of it is that there are no rules on how to succeed or to be happy, and no two people’s ideal of ‘perfect’ will be exactly the same. Just enjoy the journey itself, and allow yourself to learn from the progress as it happens.

Forgive and forget

We all do it – continually replay the day’s events or some unpleasant conversation over and over in our heads to analyse each detail. But other than dealing with immediate issues, what’s the point in reinforcing the negative aspects of your day, letting them to lay heavy on your heart.

It may sound easier than it is, but you’ve just to just let it go. All of it – the regrets, the snubs, the rude or disparaging remarks, the distractions – and allow yourself to end each day cleansed of the negativity.

And this includes your own untrue or negative thoughts towards yourself. It’s all the same in the end. When you change your thoughts, you change your life.

Same goes for stress

Life is a challenge, and it can get really hard along the journey. And that’s okay, as it’s the stresses we face daily that build us up and make us stronger to better face the even harder challenges up ahead.

The point is not to let the stress take you over and ruin your day. Which isn’t as easy as it sounds.

Think about stress as if you’ve reached a room with 2 exits – one that relives the stress of the day, and the other where you move on with your life. Why wouldn’t you take the second door?

One step at a time

Some say one of the steps to happiness is having a fit, healthy body, but is that just enforcing society’s ideals on how you should live your life and look? We all know that a good workout is great for your peace of mind (as well as your body, obviously), and the endorphin release can help sharpen your mind’s focus.

But is that it? Is that the answer to all of our problems and the key to happiness? Hardly, but it is important to take care of yourself – both inside and out, mentally and physically – and regular exercise of some sort can only be a positive thing.

Just don’t get so wrapped up in ‘being fit and healthy’ that you become oblivious to other factors that contribute to your happiness.

Treat yourself

It’s endearing to do something special for our loved ones, but when was the last time you did something special for yourself? It doesn’t have to be anything big but something simple like taking a walk, doing something you truly enjoy, reading a book, making your favourite meal, and so forth.

All too often we spend our energies putting other people’s needs ahead of our own, almost to the point where we forget to take care of our own happiness. It’s not necessarily about being selfish, but you do need to put your own needs first on occasion.

K.I.S.S. – Keep it simple…

Way too many people will over-book their lives to the point where they literally have zero wiggle room when things pop up. They’ll organise their diaries to the point where they have to book time in with friends or loved ones weeks or months in advance.

There’s no spontaneity, no last minute plans, no spur of the moment day trips, and literally no room for yourself.

How is that really any fun?

Obviously you don’t want to go so far as to under-plan your life, but do allow yourself a bit of regular breathing space and time each week to focus on you. It gives you more flexibility in your own life, and when those surprise invites pop up you might actually be able to accept them.

Like this:

Too often we let perceptions of who we are, be them our own or from others, cloud our view of ourselves. Who hasn’t looked at themselves in the mirror and been overly critical of their body, or lament that they wish they could look like someone else?

We are all guilty of a bit of self-hate, myself included, but what we need to do is focus on the positive aspects of ourselves that make us truly attractive to ourselves and others around us.

And let’s be clear – being considered attractive is a completely different than how one perceives beauty, as it isn’t necessarily about physical beauty. It’s more about you as a person and how you treat those around you.

Let your heart shine through

These days it’s almost social suicide to show any sort of emotions, let alone that you actually care about another person. Genuine care and concern for another’s well-being can make all the difference for someone who’s going through a bad patch or is feeling alone in the world. Compassion is key.

Build strength from your past

Life generally isn’t easy so you have to be able to stand tall and show the world that you can take on anything it throws at you. All of us have difficult situations and struggles we have to get past, and the more capable you are at doing so, the stronger you’ll be as you continue to move through life.

You’ve got to move forward, dust yourself off, and use these difficult situations to build yourself up to better handle anything else that may be tossed your way in the future.

Smiling is infectious

There is nothing more attractive than someone sporting a genuine smile. Show off your pearly whites. Grin from ear to ear. Let your smile take over your whole face. It’s what will attract people to you, as it shows your happiness and love of life.

And sometimes when a complete stranger gives you a quick cheeky smile, you just can’t help but return it.

You have a brain and you use it

sapiosexual (n.): a personal sexually attracted to intelligence or the human mind

There is nothing more attractive than someone who uses their wit and intelligence in everyday interactions. And those that continue to search to improve their knowledge bump things up even more.

As well, use that intellect and thirst for knowledge to feed your curiosity about the world around you. Never be afraid to ask ‘why’ about things you see, hear or read about. You just never know what you may learn.

But be careful not to come across as a smarty-pants or know-it-all, as that’s a huge turn off. Instead use your intellect to engage others in meaningful and interesting conversations. Conversations can be fun as well as informative, so don’t just restrict yourself to solely cerebral topics.

Laughter is the best medicine

Whether you giggle like a school-girl, enjoy a good belly laugh, or even let loose the occasion snort, life is worth laughing at. There’s more than enough darkness in the world, so why not laugh at the silliness around you. Share the giggles, tickle someone else’s funny-bone, and spread the joy to those around you.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

Everyone is entitled to their opinions, even if it’s not something you agree with or think is right. But that’s ok, because your ability to be open-minded to another’s perspective and see where the other person is coming from is a truly attractive quality and will show a mutual respect between you.

And that’s ultimately more important and attractive than being ‘right’.

Be thankful

Being grateful for your life and appreciative of those who help you in life is incredibly attractive. That thankfulness will fill you more emotionally and spiritually than anything else you may be able to obtain to fill whatever void you may have.

And let’s be honest – if you’re not appreciative of those around you, how can you expect them to continue to be there for you in the future.

You are you

Just be yourself. Only you can be you, so why not be the best ‘you’ you can possibly be? Love yourself. Be comfortable in your body. Be confident through your actions and your smile. Remind yourself you are beautiful just the way you are, and don’t let anyone else tell you differently.

You are wonderful just the way you are, so why change that? Embrace yourself, perceived warts and all, and let the world see you who you truly are. Life your life for you and don’t let anyone else’s misconceptions of how you should life it sway you.

Like this:

Let’s be frank – before someone else can love how amazing you are, you need to learn to love yourself first. Despite what you may think, self-love is not a crime..

And no, that’s not some naughty joke about masturbation. 😉

Being happy with yourself and loving who you are as a person is the first step towards fulfilling your dreams, achieving personal growth, and yes even finding that ultimate happy relationship with someone special.

Despite what some may think, loving oneself is not about being narcissistic or being so totally selfish that you think life revolves around you. In fact it’s about finding a balance in your life, without neglecting your own feelings.

And at the same time we need to recognise that living for the positive feedback from others to bolster their sense of being ‘good enough’ is no substitute for loving yourself. Sure, it’s important to help others, especially loved ones, but it shouldn’t be your sole reason for living.

It’s about finding a balance between selfishness and selflessness. You would become more emotionally balanced due to a healthier sense of what it means to be accepting of yourself – the good, bad and everything in between.

It ultimately helps if you can understand that you’re just as important as anyone else, and that your thoughts and feelings are valid. It doesn’t matter if you grew up thinking others were better than you, because you can break the cycle and start learning to love yourself just the way you are.

Self-care.

Self-care means you treat yourself just as kindly and thoughtfully as you would anyone else. If you are uncomfortable doing something, then you don’t do it and that’s OK. Just because somebody might be disappointed that you didn’t help him or her, that’s his or her choice to feel that way.

Considering your needs.

If that means others don’t get all of you, all the time, then that’s also OK. People can learn to adjust and be responsible for themselves.

Caring for yourself with the same level of effort that you do for others.

That might mean you don’t always fulfill your goal of helping others because you’d prefer to spend time doing something for yourself. That’s not selfish.

Accepting yourself for all that you are —

Both your positive aspects and your human fallibility.You cannot be all good all the time. That’s OK. You can work on self-improvement, but that doesn’t mean you discount the parts of yourself you don’t like as much. Those aspects are still part of your whole.

Saying no to others’ requests.

That’s OK. You are not totally responsible for everybody else’s needs.

Working toward self-love and acceptance can take time. If you are somebody who has little regard for yourself, then you might want to start with self-like-a-little, working up to self-like. In time, you’ll learn to self-love and accept yourself for all that you are.

Like this:

There are loads of people out there who consistently and constantly are able to look at life in a positive light, even when something negative happens in their life. They remain upbeat and cheerful regardless of what’s going on around them.

Most of the time I can’t help but wonder how the hell they do it, especially when I’m going through dark period after dark period and wishing something good would happen in my life.

Luckily things have actually been going really good lately and I’ve shockingly been feeling something I haven’t in a long time – contentment bordering on actually feeling happy!

It’s not like I’ve found the perfect job or met the perfect man (though that one is still up in the air lol). It’s more that I don’t really have a reason to NOT feel happy at the moment.

I don’t LOVE my new job, but it’ll do for the foreseeable future and I think it’s something I could be good at.. as long as I don’t get sucked into the existing staff’s negativity. It’s shocking how much bitching and moaning about the place I overhear in the smoking area.

Although I might get sick of the 8am starts each morning at some point.. But on the bright side, I get to finish at 5:30 and am home just after 6pm because it’s so close. So that’s a bonus at the moment. 🙂

As for my dating life, it amazes me how quickly that can change. Over the past while I’d started to feel like the troll under the bridge due to the lack of attention.

Then that coin flip happened, and things seemed to change.

Not only have I continued seeing the sexy Kurdish guy (I’m travelling to Guildford today to spend the night..), but I also had a date with a kinda cute Italian guy last Friday who wants to meet up again .. Although I don’t think I’m interested since he wasn’t that good of a kisser. Lol

As for sexy Kurd, do I think it’s love? Do I think this is me finally meeting my perfect match? Who knows and frankly, who cares. All I know is I enjoy his company, he makes me laugh and smile, and I still think he’s sexy when he’s being goofy or in a grumpy mood.

Are there warning signs with him that should be telling me to walk away from him? Sure there is, but then again nobody’s perfect. Obviously I’m not thrilled that he’s already partnered (long-distance, and rarely see each other) or that he doesn’t live in London and is moving further south.

But at the moment I’m not going to worry about any of that and am just going to continue to enjoy his company. I’m not thinking about the future or any ‘what ifs’, but instead am concentrating on the here and now.

Basically I’m trying to just enjoy life as it comes along… For once in my life.

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We all want to be happy. We want a good job, great friends, an amazing partner, a place to call home, and a life worth enjoying.

I know I do.

Sounds simple, but why don’t more of us have that happiness we all seemingly desperately crave?

It’s because we’re doing the wrong things.. According to an article over on Mark & Angel Hack Life (click the link at the bottom for the original article). They say that ‘When you quit doing the wrong things, you make more room for the things that make you happy.’

So….

1. Quit procrastinating on your goals.

We all do it, even when we’re telling ourselves we’re not. We all put off the things we know we should be doing – looking for a new job, working on that novel, doing the laundry, going to the gym – and instead focus on other things that are less important or likely to have less of an impact on our lives.

The thing is by putting things off for tomorrow what we should be doing today it makes it harder and more daunting to tackle, and could end up stressing ourselves out over it all. Instead take the first step to getting started, build up momentum, forget about the finish line, and before you know it you’ll be surprised where you end up.

2. Quit blaming others and making excuses.

Sometimes it’s so much easier to just blame someone else for the stuff that isn’t going well in our lives. We look for a scapegoat for what we’re going through instead of being honest with ourselves for where our lives are. Placing the blame on others or making excuses gives away the power to affect our own lives, and in the end just perpetuates the problems. Own up to it all and remember we are all responsible for our own lives, not someone else.

3. Quit trying to avoid change.

Change can suck sometimes, especially when our lives suddenly drop out from under us. We need to stop being so complacent and comfortable while the world continues to change around us. By accepting change, it allows us to grow as people and see life in a way we never thought was possible.

Learning to accept change is vital to our own happiness and success in life, regardless if it’s a good or bad change. We need to roll with the punches and remember that things do improve, and that things do happen for a reason. When we battle through the tough times, we come out the other side stronger and more determined.

4. Quit trying to control the uncontrollable.

Too often, we try to control every aspect of our lives instead of letting parts of it happen organically. When you’re trying to control everything around you, you’re just setting yourself up for failure, frustration and ultimately unhappiness.

We can only control so much in our lives, and we should focus on those things we can influence that would improve our happiness. If you approach life with a positive attitude, then you’re more likely to get positive results. Just best to let go what you can’t control.

5. Quit talking down to yourself.

Who hasn’t stared at themselves in the mirror and criticised themselves for the choices or actions they’ve taken? It’s probably the most destructive thing you can do to yourself, as it will help fester the negative feelings you have towards yourself.

“Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t, you’re right.” – Henry Ford

Sometimes you’re not even conscious how this self doubt and negative talk is affecting your approach to life, as well as the decisions you’re making. It make sound easier to say then do, but when you replace the negativity with positive thoughts, your life will careen into a different and better trajectory.

6. Quit criticizing others.

Let’s be honest – when you are regularly putting others down for whatever perceived flaws you see in them, that negativity will gradually creep back into your own life and cripple you. You need to focus on your own life and work on your own imperfections, not the ones you see in everyone else.

By focusing on your own growth and improvement, you’ll stop feeling threatened by others, and you’ll start to be more comfortable with your own imperfections and will feel less threatened by others.

7. Quit running from your problems and fears.

Everyone has problems in their lives or fears of failure. When you compare your issues to those around you, you’ll eventually realise that maybe your issues aren’t so dire or urgent. And hopefully you’ll realise it’s better to tackle them head on instead of trying to run away from them, regardless of how dire you may make them seem.

By giving into your fears you’re setting yourself up for failure, as you’ll never take the chance or make the decision that could possibly change your life for the better. Stop being complicit in your life or your decisions, because life is full of small, unique experiences that build up who you are, and you may miss out on becoming the best you you can be.

Letting your fears and worries control you is not ‘living,’ it’s merely existing. Own your fears before the own you.

8. Quit living in another time and place.

Sometimes it’s too easy to think of how things used to be, how you could have acted differently in certain situations, or even daydream about the future. This is counterproductive to your day to day life, as lamenting about the past and speculating on the future doesn’t change anything about your present.

It’s all about living in the moment, meaning you need to actively, openly and consciously be aware of the present. Pay attention to what’s going on around you right this moment, not what may or may not happen, or what has already happened.

9. Quit trying to be someone you’re not.

Just be yourself, not who the world around you is trying make you become. It’s not always easy, as life can challenge you while society around you applies pressures to make you into someone you’re not. There will always be someone prettier, smarter, and younger coming along behind you, but you can’t stop being yourself.

10. Quit being ungrateful.

Be thankful for how your life is right now. Not everything you do will work out for the best, but that’s ok. That just means it wasn’t meant to be, and it allows you to make room for the stuff that will.

Too often we all think about what we’re missing out on instead of what you do have. You never know, there could be someone there that is desperately thinking that something you have is what they’re missing. Focus on yourself and how your life is going, not how it compares to those around you.

Like this:

Although each of our pasts shape where our futures go, they say we shouldn’t hold onto the past as we go through life, as that would only stifle us and prevent us from living the lives we should be. Not to mention being happy in our lives.

Our pasts should only be there to guide us as we learn from past failures and successes, and help us navigate the trials to come in our lives.

But what are you supposed to do if you can’t seem to give up the ghosts of your past? If events that happened in the past are holding you back because you’re still angry, resentful or frustrated at how that affected your life?

That’s where I am at the moment, and have been for probably the last 2 years since I went through the redundancy that lead to my year long unemployment, and then lead me to accepting a lower paying position than I was used to just so I could have a job.

Looking back at the beginning of 2012 I was actually feeling pretty good about life. For once.

Work was going well, and for the first time in as long as I could remember, I was actually enjoying what I was doing. I was doing alright financially, slowly paying off my credit card after spending Christmas and New Years back in Canada, while still enjoying life and being able to put a bit of money aside every month. I could afford to do pretty much whatever I wanted when I wanted, within reason.

And it was during a period where I hadn’t written a single post on this blog in over a year despite loads of stuff going on in my life at the time. Surprising when I look back on it really.

I think a lot of what’s going on with me now where I’m unhappy with my job is because I feel it’s beneath my skill-level and pay-grade, and the overall feeling of being lost in my own life relates back to how I still feel about what happened two years ago.

Crazy huh? You’d think I’d be past it already, but I honestly don’t think I am.

I still feel resentment at my old company and boss that unlike some others we worked with who were offered other positions within our company, himself included, I was left to float off on my own. This despite reassurances from him that he’d be there to support me after I left the company because he believed I could do anything I wanted and could easily get a new or better job without even trying.

It definitely sounded good at the time, and I believed him to an extent. The problem was I didn’t believe in myself and my own abilities.. and still don’t to an extent.

So instead of being in a job at the level I was at or higher, I’ve gone backwards about 10 years and feel like I’m starting this all over again.. and that pisses me off.

Why should I have to reprove myself all over again when I’d already worked my way up the ladder and put in my dues? Why should I seemingly always have to compromise what I want in order to just get through life?

Yep.. I’m still angry and frustrated about it all. I’m still resentful that others I’d worked with (some of whom were plainly shit at their jobs) were able to walk into new jobs with ease, while I floundered like a fish out of water.

I just don’t know how to let it all go.. And how to move past it so I can focus on my future and where that might lead me.

I know deep down clinging to this anger and resentment of the past isn’t getting me anywhere, and that I need to get past it in order to move forward. I need to find a path again, a plan for the future.. a plan of more than just surviving.

Like this:

I found this article that had been posted back in May 2011 on a website called Purpose Fairy and thought it be good to repost it here. I think no matter how well your life is going (or isn’t depending on the person I suppose), there is always something more you can do around self-improvement.

I know I personally could definitely use some work on some of the points listed. It’s never an easy thing to look at your life in such a critical way and truly understand how to ‘fix’ (for lack of a better word) parts of your life.

Then again if everyone was completely happy all the time, who’d have anything to complain about?

Oh shit.. that’s number 6. I’ll have to work on that one.. a lot. 😉

1. Give up your need to always be right

There are so many of us who can’t stand the idea of being wrong – wanting to always be right – even at the risk of ending great relationships or causing a great deal of stress and pain, for us and for others. It’s just not worth it. Whenever you feel the ‘urgent’ need to jump into a fight over who is right and who is wrong, ask yourself this question: “Would I rather be right, or would I rather be kind?”Wayne Dyer. What difference will that make? Is your ego really that big?

2. Give up your need for control

Be willing to give up your need to always control everything that happens to you and around you – situations, events, people, etc. Whether they are loved ones, coworkers, or just strangers you meet on the street – just allow them to be. Allow everything and everyone to be just as they are and you will see how much better will that make you feel.

“By letting it go it all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go. But when you try and try. The world is beyond winning.”Lao Tzu

3. Give up on blame

Give up on your need to blame others for what you have or don’t have, for what you feel or don’t feel. Stop giving your powers away and start taking responsibility for your life.

4. Give up your self-defeating self-talk

Oh my. How many people are hurting themselves because of their negative, polluted and repetitive self-defeating mindset? Don’t believe everything that your mind is telling you – especially if it’s negative and self-defeating. You are better than that.

“The mind is a superb instrument if used rightly. Used wrongly, however, it becomes very destructive.” Eckhart Tolle

5. Give up your limiting beliefs

About what you can or cannot do, about what is possible or impossible. From now on, you are no longer going to allow your limiting beliefs to keep you stuck in the wrong place. Spread your wings and fly!

“A belief is not an idea held by the mind, it is an idea that holds the mind”Elly Roselle

6. Give up complaining

Give up your constant need to complain about those many, many, maaany things – people, situations, events that make you unhappy, sad and depressed. Nobody can make you unhappy, no situation can make you sad or miserable unless you allow it to. It’s not the situation that triggers those feelings in you, but how you choose to look at it. Never underestimate the power of positive thinking.

7. Give up the luxury of criticism

Give up your need to criticize things, events or people that are different than you. We are all different, yet we are all the same. We all want to be happy, we all want to love and be loved and we all want to be understood. We all want something, and something is wished by us all.

8. Give up your need to impress others

Stop trying so hard to be something that you’re not just to make others like you. It doesn’t work this way. The moment you stop trying so hard to be something that you’re not, the moment you take off all your masks, the moment you accept and embrace the real you, you will find people will be drawn to you, effortlessly.

9. Give up your resistance to change

Change is good. Change will help you move from A to B. Change will help you make improvements in your life and also the lives of those around you. Follow your bliss, embrace change – don’t resist it.

“Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors for you where there were only walls” Joseph Campbell

10. Give up labels

Stop labeling those things, people or events that you don’t understand as being weird or different and try opening your mind, little by little. Minds only work when open.

“The highest form of ignorance is when you reject something you don’t know anything about.” Wayne Dyer

11. Give up on your fears

Fear is just an illusion, it doesn’t exist – you created it. It’s all in your mind. Correct the inside and the outside will fall into place.

“The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself.” Franklin D. Roosevelt

12. Give up your excuses

Send them packing and tell them they’re fired. You no longer need them. A lot of times we limit ourselves because of the many excuses we use. Instead of growing and working on improving ourselves and our lives, we get stuck, lying to ourselves, using all kind of excuses – excuses that 99.9% of the time are not even real.

13. Give up the past

I know, I know. It’s hard. Especially when the past looks so much better than the present and the future looks so frightening, but you have to take into consideration the fact that the present moment is all you have and all you will ever have. The past you are now longing for – the past that you are now dreaming about – was ignored by you when it was present. Stop deluding yourself. Be present in everything you do and enjoy life. After all life is a journey not a destination. Have a clear vision for the future, prepare yourself, but always be present in the now.

14. Give up attachment

This is a concept that, for most of us is so hard to grasp and I have to tell you that it was for me too, (it still is) but it’s not something impossible. You get better and better at with time and practice. The moment you detach yourself from all things, (and that doesn’t mean you give up your love for them – because love and attachment have nothing to do with one another, attachment comes from a place of fear, while love… well, real love is pure, kind, and self less, where there is love there can’t be fear, and because of that, attachment and love cannot coexist) you become so peaceful, so tolerant, so kind, and so serene. You will get to a place where you will be able to understand all things without even trying. A state beyond words.

15. Give up living your life to other people’s expectations

Way too many people are living a life that is not theirs to live. They live their lives according to what others think is best for them, they live their lives according to what their parents think is best for them, to what their friends, their enemies and their teachers, their government and the media think is best for them. They ignore their inner voice, that inner calling. They are so busy with pleasing everybody, with living up to other people’s expectations, that they lose control over their lives. They forget what makes them happy, what they want, what they need….and eventually they forget about themselves. You have one life – this one right now – you must live it, own it, and especially don’t let other people’s opinions distract you from your path.