Tag Archives: not alone

If you remember a few weeks back, I wrote a poem for my friend Katie at My Eternal Voyage. We talk a lot and in one of those talkings we discovered something very exciting. Well, exciting for us and I hope you too. She loves to play music and sing. I’ve tried and it doesn’t work, but I love to write. She’s always wanted to put someone else’s words to music and I’ve always wanted someone to put music to my words. This is where I exclaim loudly how amazing God is. God is AWESOME!! Our friendship is a very interesting story anyways, but this has just been an added layer of coolness :D (She actually just posted about this if you want to read about it here. Great minds… what can you say?)

Most of the poems on here were written in high school. A small handful were written after, but not many. I thought for a long while that that phase of my life was over. Then I posted a poem (The Water Test) from back then and Katie asked if she could put music to it. I got really, really excited and promised to write her a song. That’s where Chosen Child came from. Because of her, I’ve been writing more again. It’s kinda like I’ve remembered why I loved to write in the first place. It’s an adventure to find the right words, right beat, and flow to the feeling(s) I wanted to share. I like that adventure, even if the story isn’t always mine.

Now Chosen Child has music, not lame music, but happy upbeat ukulele music!!! Andddd it’s posted for you to hear too :D

Hooray for our first collaboration in music and writing! HUZZAH! -fist pump knuckle touch-

This week’s challenge is on solitary. Solitary means alone. It also means being at once single and isolated. This other definition is the one I’ve chosen to go with.

My little friend, E, kept running off. She was super excited to be in the maze but when you go around too many turns you become alone, single, isolated. In reality we were only a few cornstalks away, but it didn’t appear that way. She looked alone. She looked lost. She looked isolated. Until we came around the corner. That’s what solitary means to me. Not physically alone, but feeling alone. It is possible to be in a group of many people and yet, by yourself. It’s one of the reasons I started this blog, to remind myself that I am One Not Alone.

Here are more pictures from the maze!! My favorites are the last three :DContinue reading →

Reality is hard to comprehend
It seems every road is the same dead-end
All caught up in my own little dream
Nothing is wrong or so it would seem
Reality check, it is time to find
Some way out of my stationary mind.

The last six months have been filled with Becker classes and grad school. I graduated in June though, so all that’s left is to finish up Becker. I’ve taken and passed FAR and AUD, taken REG, and all that’s left is BEC. Finally!!!! The wonderful end is in sight :D My next and last exam is August 8th and I can’t wait to get it over with. They (the people explaining CPA study effort) weren’t kidding when they said that it would consume my life. It definitely has. Friendships have ended. Family stress has increased. Dates have been avoided. BUT it’s all almost over!!!!! Hooray!!! All I can do is thank God for giving me passing grades on my exams and in my classes. I can do all things through Him and that had been reinforced over and over again in the last six months. Sigh of relief :)

This past weekend I went on a family vacation to Savannah, GA. It was my brother’s 21st birthday and we wanted to do something fun to celebrate. On Friday we went to the Mighty Eighth Air Force Museum, which is all about WWII memories and history.

Most of the museum was filled with planes and stories of the people who flew, worked on, or planned the flights of those planes. But one section was devoted to a family that helped people escape Germany. They hid Jews and stranded Allies. All of this was interesting, but I’m not easily moved by history even if they are moving stories.

In the corner of the replicated living room, there was an exhibit of embroidery, which immediately piqued my interest. Me? Embroidery? I wonder why… It turned out that this embroidery was the last non-confiscated embroidery of a concentration camp. AND I took pictures.

I had no idea that such things went on. The stories…. oh how many stories have been untold? How many women made it through the war because of their little embroideries? Their little pieces of the old life and sanity. Continue reading →

A storm rolls in with booming pain
Slashes of hope drive me insane
The gales of feeling toss me around
Tug me up, then slam me down
The winds soon cease, but the rain pelts on
Seeming to say, “All your friends are gone.”
Just as I think it will never end
The sun pops out and good times begin
My so-called friends again appear
But fair weather is why they are here
The sun shines bright, the grass is green
I forget that life can ever be mean
But the leaves soon whisper, “The air grow cool,
A storm is brewing. It will be cruel.”
I think to myself, “Not again.”
“I cannot go through this without a friend.”
The wind is screeching, drops begin to fall
My fair-weather friends are gone after all
I stand in a field and scream at the sky
“I cannot go through this! I would rather die!”
Someone appears, umbrella in tow,
Comes over to me and answers: “I know.”
He raises it up, up over my head,
And asks with a smile, “Would you rather be dead?”
I say not now and ask for his name
He replies “It is Jesus and I will never change.”
He sticks right beside me through fair weather and storms
When I’m happy and joyous and when I mourn.
~2004

Every person has pieces of their life that just don’t seem to fit. I’ve been suddenly struck to share mine.

Embroidery and Tax.

Doodling and Accounting.

Salad and Cheeseburgers.

French Fries and Chocolate Frosties.

Swinging and Reading. (Together. On the front porch.)

Darkness and Light.

Juice Boxes and Twenty-something.

Elevators and Claustrophobia. (BAD combo especially when you add the touch of motion sickness)

Desire to travel and need for consistency.

Love and the long-distance relationship.

All of the things that make me me only fit when combined in me. It is a mind-blowing thought that no one else could ever be me and that no matter how replaceable I seem to the world, I am irreplaceable. This isn’t to sound selfish or morale boosting or anything else along those lines. It is simply a statement of truth. No matter how convinced I am that I don’t matter, it simply isn’t true. I am created as an irreplaceable person, a unique conglomeration of circumstances, beliefs, capabilities, talents, memories, and personality. And I amnot alone. You are an irreplaceable person just like me. Everyone has this in common, but somehow this connection doesn’t make us any less unique. Those facts are a ridiculous display of creativity.

Like this:

There is within each person a deep longing to belong, to have a place, to not be alone. Every day we are surrounded by people. Every day we have the opportunity to speak, listen and make a change. It is also true that on some days we feel desperately lonely. It is like we speak and aren’t heard, we listen and aren’t spoken to, we try to change and nothing works. Is any of this true? Probably not. But deep down, does the truth of the question matter? Deep down, what matters in that moment is that we feel alone. We don’t care about the truth when caught in such emotion. I certainly don’t.

And it isn’t really that I don’t know the truth. I know that I am one not alone. It comes down to the fact that my desperate wave of loneliness is a feeling. It is a place that moves me… usually to tears I must admit, but nevertheless it is motion. Motion moves us. I know, what a drastic declaration, revelation, and inspiration. Motion moves us. This changes the question from “Is any of this true?” to “Where are you moving?” Where are you moving? Is the fear of being lonely moving you in circles? Or is this place, this place that moves me, taking me back to the truth? I am I able to release all of the emotional backup (think clogged toilet) that has been blinding me to the truth? Am I able to live the truth again? Yes. I am one not alone. I have the opportunity to speak, listen and make a change. I can shape the future. And I am one not alone.