"Hey, I can do that can't I. I'm not used to this work for someone else business. I can call in and tell them I'm sick! Hot damn." And that's just what I did. I got a hold of Brian, my teenage supervisor and told him I wouldn't be coming in.

"But Frank, today's the big day. The boss is appearing on Oprah and we're going to be swamped." He whined.

"Look Brian, you don't want me there. You can't have me blessing people while snot runs down my face and I'm hackin' all over the place. Who would want that kind of blessing?"

"Well we can put you in the warehouse and move John or Paul up..."

I started hacking here, really coughing up a lung. It wasn't entirely an act but I really let it all come up. "Brian... cough, gag... Look, I gotta... hack, hack... I gotta go...cough." and with that I hung up the phone. I gave Mary a free blessing and promised her I'd take it easy. It was an easy promise to keep. I'm not much for sleeping in. If the suns up, I'm up, so going back to bed wasn't inviting. Instead I lingered in a nice hot shower. It felt nice to have that hot water beating down on my back. I could see out the window and there is something delightful about being home on a work day standing in a hot shower and being able to see the blustery day outside.

After my shower I grabbed a bowl of cornflakes and had a seat in front of the couch. I really hadn't intended to watch the Oprah show. I was actually hoping for I Dream of Genie reruns, but I clicked the tube on just as the boss was taking his seat on that famous couch and my curiosity was piqued.

"Listen, Oprah, after 2,000 years I figure my wardrobe needed a bit of an extreme make over." More laughter. "But seriously, the robes and the beard are comforting to most people, but I do a lot of traveling and with the current political climate it was just too much of a hassle getting through airport security."

"Well you look fantastic." Oprah responded, knowing it would trigger a new surge of applause. I was ready to go searching for Genie if the love fest kept up.

"Well thank you, and to tell you the truth, I feel fantastic." Jesus gave the stock answer and I reached for my remote.

A concerned Oprah struggled to get her question in through the applause. "Now this is shocking news. Some would suggest that a merger between God and Satan, might compromise both entities."

"Yes, well its been great being here, Oprah." The applause grew louder, the end of interview music came up and the cameras pulled way back.

"Wait a minute, Jesus, were you going to answer the question?" A hushed silence fell over the crowd.

"Yes of course, Oprah. To your listeners I'd just like to say, Remember, your creator, my father has endowed you with certain inalienable rights, like the right to shop at a huge, well-stocked store, with plenty of parking and the lowest prices imaginable. Exercise those rights at our conveniently located Super Stores, and build up bonus points redeemable at the pearly gates." And with that, Jesus made his way out of the studio as the wildly cheering audience rose to their feet.

I found my I Dream Of Genie rerun, and miracle of miracles, it was the episode that rocked the censors way back when it was originally aired by giving us a quick peak at Barbara Eden's belly button. Bless you Barbara Eden. I decided I'd call in sick again the next day.