futureRN:
I am a 23 year old gay male. I went in the clinic for a phone call saying I had been potentially exposed to syphilis. I went in to get tested and in a week and a half I get a knock on my door from a lady that works in the office and I pretty much knew I was HIV positive at that point. I went back in this past monday and I had my CD4 count and Viral Load drawn. I'll get these results on monday-wed.

I don't really know what to do. I can't tell my family, and I'm embarrassed to tell my friends for the fear that I'll be ostracized. My bf is my rock. He tested negative, but he was exposed (bottom). He wants to stay if he continues to test negative. My ex is the culprit... before my current bf, my ex and I were in a 4 year relationship that I had thought was monogamous.

I plan to start my meds immediately. I am just looking for people going through the same thing I am. Since I live in a really condensed community that is known for its "shade", I am afraid to go to a support group in fears it will get out.

Thanks for listening- FutureRN

Elkan:
Hey, i am only 21 years old and i just got diagnosed 2 weeks ago. I can't tell anyone around me so i have to take all the pressure on my own. it's good that you still have your bf by your side. have you told him? if yes, try to talk it out. i've still been thinking about it a lot everyday, so i easily get depressed.. :( sometimes i just don't know how to continue my life.

mecch:
I'm sorry both of you had to get this news.

futureRN - its a bit worrying the way you worded your bf's intentions. He said he's staying with you if he stays negative, and what.... ? Unsaid. Leaving you if he's positive? Yikes.... I hope you are talking a lot together. Its normal to have mixed and hard to pin down thoughts and emotions about the couple at a time like this... But that's pretty ambivalent so I hope the relationship gets stronger.

(The ex was a cad to cheat and bring HIV into the relationship. If you broke up with him and found a new guy, it was up to the two of you, new to the relationship, to check out your status before having unsafe sex. If your current bf took a risk with you, of unknown status, it pretty much has nothing to do with the "culprit" you say your ex is.)

I hope you two find support from your friends at least, if you aren't ready to tell your families very much. Don't try to carry it all alone on your shoulders in isolation. Well at least you found this board, thats already good.

--- End quote ---sorry to hear that you're positive. However, depending on how those cd4 and VL counts come back, you might not need to go onto meds yet - maybe even for years. Breathe and take things slowly. Get the results back from at least two tests to determine what your numbers are doing. You might want to read through the LESSONS section here to understand the tests, what the counts means (that you may have a huge VL if this is near the start of being infected; but it will drop off for yrs before rising again and you beginning to get sick), and when things indicate that it's time to start meds. Then you'll have all the worries of obtaining meds (insurance, adap, medicaid/medicare) - but those are worries/issues for another day. LOL

--- Quote from: Elkan on April 27, 2013, 09:53:19 PM ---i've still been thinking about it a lot everyday, so i easily get depressed.. :( sometimes i just don't know how to continue my life.

--- End quote ---it's like that at first; but things will get better. Read through that LESSONS section to understand this disease and the treatment better. When you realize that ART meds do very well for people here in the 2010's you shouldn't be quite so depressed. You'll just have to get used to dealing with HIV.

having been poz for 27 yrs, I've been poz longer than you've even been alive. ;D And I was poz so long ago that we had either no meds at all or really crappy meds. Yet here I am decades later - and that's how you'll continue your life too. For years now, studies have been showing that people receiving good and proper treatment go on to live "normal" lifespans. So you'll take meds when needed; you'll work and save for retirement; you'll get a home; you'll get a mate; and ... well, the limits are only what you put on yourself

as we say to people around here, I am sorry that both of you have had to find this place; but I'm glad you did find us because you found a place with lots of good answers, support, and advice. ;) Best wishes to both of y'all. Just take it as it comes and learn all you can about getting the best treatment for yourself. ;)

Elkan:
Thank you two. Reading replies from you guys is always so relieving and inspiring. :)