Sunday, March 20, 2011

Strength in Transformation [video].

This is the latest video I have posted to my YouTube channel, called “Strength in Transformation.” I think this is one of the videos on my channel I am most proud of; the footage was acquired over several years’ time in various parts of the country and took me several all-nighters to complete.

During this whole tumultious and overwhelming transition process, more than just my gender has transformed. I am becoming more whole as a person; transitioning was just a part of the journey. In a way, it was the key that opened the door to the world so I could actually start my journey in life.

I used to struggle with finding balance between my trans self and just my plain old male/person/self, but this hardly comes up anymore in my day to day life. I still struggle with balance, but I find it is more "life-related," rather than gender-related. I worry about the stuff every one else does - my relationships, finances, work; it's quite a relief to not have to think so actively about my gender.

I'm so glad my active transition is over; I was very fortunate to get it done quickly and when I was relatively young. I am 26 and have been on testosterone for nearly six years now; it doesn't feel like that. In fact, it doesn't feel like anything. It feels like this is how I always have been. I can hardly distinguish my trans self from just myself now, and I think that is what I have been striving for since I started transitioning.