A Momma Honoring Her Son- Zekey’s Funeral

God has been good to us and I just don’t want to keep it to myself. If I can show, even in just small portions, through this journey we’ve been on for 2.5 years, a glimpse into God’s goodness, I want to.

Your words of encouragement, prayers, gifts, tears shed, hugs (and on and on) have been such a blessing to us. Thank you. From the bottom of our hearts, thank you.

This post is by far the most “real” you’ll get from me. A speech I wrote out for my son, Ezekiel’s funeral. It was Spirit-led, as my strength is not my own. I wanted to honor my boy and for me, that meant screaming to the rooftops how much he blessed us and how near our sweet, Savior Jesus was and continues to be.

Make no mistake at God’s presence in that room. He was so near and was speaking to all who were there.

May you be blessed. This is what I said in the video, if you need to follow along.

”

A part of me wants to force time and the world to stop. To stop moving on because my Zekey is gone. It’s too hard living without him, just wait! Let me grieve. And then I remember, Zekey is no longer the suffering, seizing boy that left this world. Zekey is whole and complete. Running, dancing, talking, singing and doing all of the things he lost on this earth and so much more.

Loss of a loved one is difficult. Someone who we loved dearly, who brought light and joy to our days, who is no longer with us is heart wrenching. I’m sure you have all felt this before. Once they leave us, there is a longing that will never go away, here on this earth.

Zekey was a light and he was a joy. He was compassionate, very silly, he loved music and garage doors, and water. He loved Cars and laughed at Mater…because, who doesn’t laugh at Mater?

Watching Zekey get so excited to see and hear his daddy and siblings, Cyrus, Eisley and Bexley was such a gift to me. He loved hearing his grandparents’ voices too. He always felt so loved and he always showed it in the purest ways.

Out of all the wonderful things Zekey was, if I were to describe him in one word, it would be strength.

How does one go through the suffering and frustrations of loosing so many milestones as he did, even until the end?

And God did give Zeke the strength to live this life as well as his body would let him. The light of Jesus, through Zekey just couldn’t be snuffed out, even though the enemy wanted to oh so badly.

The light was and is just too bright for the enemy, who is hard at working against all of us. The enemy doesn’t want you or I to see the light of Jesus. He hated that, even though, through all of Zekey’s suffering, people were still hearing the truth. The Truth that Jesus brings in all of our sufferings here on earth. The power of The Cross and how it brings life…eternal life for those who will walk with Jesus and believe in Him.

So what if God really is this good? What if He really can and really is bringing light in our darkness? What if He really can bring sweet redemption to such sorrow? I’m standing here, a true example of a momma’s worst nightmare and how God is still good. He is still worthy of my and your praise. He wants you to join His family and feel and know him deeper and truer.

And Zekey’s life and now death still shines a light so brightly. Zekey’s life points us to the true light, the light of Jesus. Jesus, the son of God, lived a perfect, flawless life, died an underserved death for your and my sins. He didn’t stay dead, though. He rose again. He conquered death and through his life, death and resurrection, death didn’t own Zekey either.

Zekey is now in heaven, not as an angel, but as a man. A man I will someday hug tightly, and say, “I’m so proud of you. What an honor it was to be your momma on earth and now your sister in Christ.” as we will be a part of the same family. The family of Christ together with all who chose to follow Him.

The verses,

“Death, where is your sing?!”

“Grave, where is your victory?”

have been brought to new life. Zekey isn’t dead. He is more alive than ever! My boy is healed and full and in the presence of God our father!

If Zekey’s story, his light, his strength has touched you. You must know, he was like a mirror, reflecting the light of his savior, Jesus. Zekey couldn’t be a light on his own. God strengthened him.

If you read mine or Andy’s blog posts and felt a tug on your heart, it’s not our words put together so eloquently that bring you to tears. No, God was speaking to you as you read and maybe wept with us. The Holy Spirit was tugging on your heart asking you to come, find rest and peace and joy in Him. He is the only one that can satisfy. No amount of money, fame, job title or place on earth can satisfy like He.

Jesus died for you and He wants you to accept His gift. Say ‘yes’ to Him and stop trying to walk this life alone — it’s too hard.

Yes, there is beauty in life, trust me, I know. I have a loving, strong husband, 4 kids and a wonderful community of family and friends to prove it but when it comes down to it, Life will disappoint, and people fail us, but God, through it all, never fails.

He is a rock. He is full of love unending, and forgiveness for even the worst sins. He wants you and He wants you now, because He knows, He is best for you.

Zekey’s life wasn’t for nothing. It was a beautiful, difficult journey wrapped in The Father’s love. Take this opportunity and say ‘yes’ to Jesus. Get plugged into a church that will help lead and guide you on a journey with Him.

A life with Jesus brings much of what Zekey showed us. Joy in pain. Strength in suffering. Peace in chaos. Life after death.

AT the beginning of this journey we walked in Zekey’s disease, I would sing “Your Great Name” by Natalie Grant and through my tears, I would beg for a miracle in my boy, hug him tightly as I rocked him to sleep. With each prayer, with each tear, I was learning to give my boy over to his heavenly Father. I was learning to trust Him and His love for Zekey over my own.

By the end, after countless tears and prayers, I started begging God to have mercy and to take Zekey home. I wasn’t afraid anymore. I trusted God and I trusted Jesus’ gift of life after death. His real home awaited him.

Zekey, I couldn’t be prouder of you and I love you. I’ll always love you. I know you know this more than you ever did here on earth. I know you are taken care of. May I not look back, wishing you were here with me, but look forward to seeing you again someday, in a whole body, in your Maker’s dwelling place.

Zekey, the countless memories of your light, your strength and joy are in our hearts forever and we’ll carry them to the end.

What an honor and privilege it was to be your mother…God, I’m forever grateful for Zekey in our lives. Thank you. A million times, thank you!”

18 Comments

jeanne Thomas

Audie Price

Your blog is an inspiration and a comfort to me. You demonstrate faith and strength that I cannot comprehend. You certainly are filled with the Holy Spirit, and you light shines as a beacon for many like me.

Thank you for sharing your faith. It counts for more than you will ever realize.

Janet

As always, beautiful, Breena. I want you to know that after we got home from the visitation, Callie said to me, totally unprompted… as you know even a momma can’t make up this kind of stuff, “mommy, did you know Jesus is a healer? I know he healed Zeke in Heaven.” (Yes, I knew that… And at that moment, I recognized that she did too. Amazing.

Julie

Bree, Thank you so much for sharing such a personal moment with us! I feel honored that you would let us into that part of your life. God is giving you such strength to witness to all those touched by Zekeys life. I pray for God’s continued healing for your entire family. Your sister in Christ, Julie

Sara Just

If I ever would have known what was inside that young, long legged, pretty girl in the photo that Andy showed us in his dorm room at GCTS our first year, I would have been blown away. Thank you for being a great example to so many– of a strong, honest and courageous mother, wife and disciple. Praying for the 5 of you as you walk into this new season ahead.

Dianne Nelson

Blessed Jesus, Blessed Jesus, Won’t you hear us as we pray. That is what comes to mind. Be at peace, the Lord has a plan. Jesus with us and Zekey— what more could we ask. Still the pain. You know we wouldn’t have the pain without love. Thankyou Jesus for the love, for your love always abiding and our love— even though with it comes pain.God bless all of you and hold you under his wing. Zekey is in our hearts forever. Dianne nelson, Kristi Rumschlag’s mom.

[…] Conference, but I went with a heavy heart. I sobbed most of the way there as I talked with God. My boy was safe, in better care than if he were here on earth. There’s something strangely beautiful about […]

Say Hello!

Hello! My name is Breena, and I'm the wife to Andy, who is a church planter. I'm also momma to 4 beautiful children (#ZekeyLives), and living out Hope in heartache as I look forward to the day I meet my boy, Zekey again. I'm the dreamer and designer over at Garment Collective - an ethical clothing line from Nepal. The women are rescued from sex trafficking, are paid fair wages, treated well, and given the opportunity to know more about Jesus.
I am also a writer and speaker, sharing our story of Hope!
I love the way God has taken such a broken story and is redeeming it. He is so good and cares for even the smallest details in our lives. I pray you find Him and know He is out for your good.
Follow my personal accounts on Instagram and Twitter.
Also, my ethical clothing line on Instagram and Twitter.
I love to connect with people from all over! Feel free to email Breena.holt@gmail.com to connect or to inquire about speaking engagements.

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