Posts Tagged ‘Michelle Bachmann’

With all the innuendo in the following video, you’d think that Michelle Bachmann was gunning for the lead role in Milf Fuckers 39 instead of reelection in Minnesota’s 6th district. On Saturday, Bachmann and Governor Tim Pawlenty gave speeches at a tax day tea party.

Bachmann is angry that the government is having an orgy without her and that it has already “spent its wad.” To be fair, Bachmann simply wasn’t the prettiest girl at the party and the government just couldn’t hold out when they heard this speech by North Carolina congresswoman Virginia Foxx.

We need some real opposition in this country. Not some fire and brimstone, good versus evil nutjob that believes the second coming of Christ will happen the second we have single-payer healthcare in this country. The ideas are so archaic that you have to go back to 18th century, Salem Witch Trials logic in order to wrap your head around the idiocy.

For the love of Nathaniel Hawthorne and all reasonable people, get Bachmann the hell out of Congress.

This feature is part one of a two-part series centered on the two major political parties in the United States. For The 8 Dumbest Things about the Democratic Party, click here.

Is the Republican party going to be ok?

8. Republicans believe that The War on Drugs can be solved if we throw everyone into prison.

Republicans get to take credit for the first recorded usage of the term “War on Drugs.” It was used by Richard Nixon in 1969 as a way to fire up the base of the party against the counter-culture hippies that despised the Vietnam War.

Thanks to the War on Drugs, our prisons are overfilled. The cost is so high to run some of these prisons that they have to be sold to private companies. The legislature of California actually considered selling San Quentin prison this year because of the terrible financial shape that the state is in.

And drug cartels love the illegality of drugs more than Republicans do. Drug demand in the United States will continue and the cartels increasingly find clever ways of evading the DEA. In fact, cartels are now building semi-submergable vessels that can avoid RADAR and infra-red in Costa Rica. They pack these boats with up to seven tons of cocaine and park it on a deserted beach in the United States. If they can get seven tons of cocaine to the coast of the United States without being detected, they can get seven tons of anything into our country.

Legalize drugs. Pull the rug out from under the black market. Levy taxes on the drugs and use that money to educate kids and help addicts get help. This is exactly what happened during prohibition. Legalizing drugs will help to stop the violence and the kidnappings in Mexico and in the southwest.

7. Republicans demonize higher education.

From discounting professors in their “ivory towers” to laughing in the face of modern economic theory, Republicans love to rally their base on the premise of their shared mediocrity. Ann Coulter believes that American teachers are “inculcating students in the precepts of the Socialist Party of America—as understood by retarded people.” (link)

There are intellectuals in the party, but you’ll find few conservatives that know them by name. For every David Brooks, there is a Carrie Prejean. For every George Will, there is a Joe the Plumber.

This isn’t to say that there are plenty of idiots in the Democratic Party as well. The difference is that Janeane Garafalo doesn’t get microphone time at the Democratic Convention, while Joe the Plumber, a moron, is viewed as some everyman harbinger of truth in the Republican Party. The problem with this outlook is that it eventually permeates into the politicians themselves. The Palin phenomenon. A folksy former sportscaster that bounced around from college to college without any sense of history or moder political theory is voted into the governorship of Alaska. Same thing happened with Michelle Bachmann.

The hard right tarnishes the image of the Republican Party just like the Taliban tarnishes the image of Islam.

6. Republicans believe that corporations are more trustworthy than the government.

Let’s get this out of the way quickly. The government has done some shittythings. Buttheyhavealsodoneplentyofgoodthings. Let’s look at the current financial crisis as a microcosm for the shittyness of government versus the shittyness of corporations.

The government allowed for corporations to create the derivatives market as well as offer subprime mortgages to people that couldn’t afford them. That’s shitty.

The corporations took these allowances and had a field day. Not only did they offer subprimes to the people that couldn’t pay them, but they bundled the mortgages into a security and bet on the outcome of the security.

Johnny thinks Group A of subprime mortgage holders will only pay back 40% of the loan while Philp believes that Group A will pay back 80%. Johnny decides to bet $32,000 on the outcome even though he only has $1,000 in the bank. Philip bets $28,000 even though he only has $900. Group A only pays back 40%. Johnny wins. Now how the fuck is Philip supposed to pay him?

5. Republicans believe that the government doesn’t belong in your pocketbook, but it does belong in your ovaries and in your bedroom.

It seems that every time the Republican party is asked about fiscal policy, the only two words on their lips are “tax cuts.” We’re in a war? We Need Tax Relief. We’re in an economic booming period? More tax cuts. We’re in a recession? Tax cuts, tax cuts, tax cuts.

People used to be offended if one was yellow and one was dark brown.

Republicans believe that the best judge for whether you should carry your child is the federal government. In fact, they believe that your Church should have no say in the matter. They believe that a marriage between gay people somehow infringe on their rights. There are going to be gay people that your children are going to be exposed to whether they are allowed to marry or not. What difference does a certificate matter to you?

4. Republicans believe that the Second Amendment of the Constitution is the only important one.

Not a peep came from the Republican party when George W. Bush all but suspended the Fourth Amendment with the warrantless wiretapping program. Hell, even after he left office and we discovered that John Yoo had readied an additional memo that would have limited the First Amendment, there was no significant backlash at the Drudge Report and Red State.

But when anyone says that you probably shouldn’t be able to carry an assault weapon capable of shooting 30 times in 10 seconds, Republicans go apeshit.

Here is my compromise. You can buy any gun you want. However, that gun is only allowed to fire three bullets before you reload. Gun manufacturers must make it so that a reload takes more than thirty seconds. Military and police guns do not have to follow these regulations.

Many Republicans will say that that inhibits their ability to protect their family in case the government comes to get them. But that’s idiotic. The government has nuclear weapons, genius. If they want a police state, then they’re going to get one. Until then, three shots is all you get.

3. Republicans say they reject big government when they are out of power, but balloon government when they are in power.

I don’t know how much longer Republicans will fall for this nonsense. During the reigns of Reagan, Bush, and W. Bush, government grew on a massive scale. Hell, George W. Bush added the entire Department of Homeland Security. Government spending went through the roof with all three GOP presidents. None of them ever balanced a budget or saw a surplus.

It wasn’t until Bill Clinton balanced the budget late in his second term that many Americans finally realized that “fiscal responsiblity” did not belong on the Republican party platform. Of course, the minute W took office, he squandared the surplus by adding significant tax cuts for the wealthy. Most republicans don’t realize that the government has to PAY for tax cuts. It is a signficant loss in revenue. I’ll allow you to argue supply-side economic theory when a Republican balances the budget. Until then, Bill Clinton’s “socialistic” 3% tax hike for wealthy people balanced it just fine.

2. Republicans have shitty sources.

I don’t give a damn what some politician “believes” about global warming or Evolution. If I want to hear about global warming, I’ll talk to chemists, geologists, and climatologists. If I want to hear about Evolution, I’ll talk to a biological anthropologist or primatologist. There is no “big science” lobby. These people do not get paid anywhere close to the bullshit experts from the oil lobbying firms. They are scientists whose reputation is contingent upon their adherence to the scientific method.

Many, many scientists would like nothing more than to disprove global warming or Evolution. They would be instant celebrities in the scientific world and they would be written about in textbooks for centuries. But that doesn’t happen.

1. The people that vote for Republicans

On April 15, 2009 an estimated 189,000 people across the United States participated in Tax Day Tea Parties. While simultaneously calling for an increase in defense spending, tea partiers were enraged at the 3% increase in taxes for people who make over a quarter of a million dollars a year. Only 5% of working families in the United States will see a tax hike.

But don’t tell that to the teabaggers.

Sure, you get freedom of speech. You just don't get to dictate policy when your guys lost.

If you asked them, taxes were through the roof on everything. Even though the protests were sponsored by Fox News as well as two of the biggest lobbying firms in Washington, the majority of tea-party goers swallowed the kool-aid that this was a grassroots movement.

To be fair, the most vocal people on Fox and CPAC do not represent Republican voters collectively. After all, the most moderate candidate in the Republican primaries John McCain won the 2008 Presidential nomination. I suppose the proof of where the party is headed won’t be known until 2012. If a Jindal, Palin, Romney, or Gingrich is selected, then they’re going in the wrong direction. But if Jon Huntsman Jr. is able to secure the nod, we may see a more reasonable, more intelligent Republican party.

All that and I didn’t even mention getting us into crazy wars, justifying torture, and the annual gay sex scandals.

During her time in the United States House of Representatives Michelle Bachmann (R-MN) has been a laughing stock. From calling on a violent revolution in the streets to blaming Democrats for swine flu, Bachmann has pushed the limit on reasonable thought.

Put the coke down.

But hold all insanity queries until tomorrow because Bachmann has temporarily regained intelligence. Bachmann, along with Alan Grayson (D-FL), Ron Paul (R-TX), Walter Jones (R-NC), Peter Defazio (D-OR) and Corrine Brown (D-FL) signed a letter today encouraging more transparency in the activities of the Federal Reserve.

Here is the full letter:

Dear Chairman Spratt,

As you meet with fellow conferees to reconcile the House- and Senate-passed budget resolutions, we urge you to adopt the Senate provision regarding the Deficit Neutral Reserve Fund for Increased Transparency at the Federal Reserve in the final version of the resolution. This language calls for the Federal Reserve to identify banks and other financial institutions that have received more than $2.2 trillion in taxpayer-backed loans and other financial assistance since March 24, 2008.

Under Chairman Bernanke, the central banking system has opened a range of extraordinary funding facilities that are providing additional credit to banks, large financial institutions, and primary brokers, as well as guaranteeing commercial paper. All of this activity is happening in secret, with the Federal Reserve disbursing money and credit to the large financial institutions that have put our credit markets and economy at risk. The Federal Reserve has resisted FOIA requests, and will not make public even the terms of payment for the contractors it is using to run these extraordinary programs.

At the very least, Congress and the public should have knowledge about which banks are receiving taxpayer money, what they are doing with the money, and the credit risk taxpayers are taking on through the Federal Reserve. The Senate language encourages such transparency, allowing for audits and public disclosure of secret loans and financial assistance from the Federal Reserve to these large institutions.

We urge you to include the Senate language in the final Budget Resolution.

The Federal Budget today passed the House of Representatives without a single Republican vote. How’s that for bipartisanship?

Michelle Bachmann, idiot Congresswoman from Minnesota, cannot appear in public without fear mongering the fuck out of every moron that takes her drivel seriously. This weekend, Bachmann appeared on Sue Jeffers radio show and continued her streak.

Jeffers actually wants Bachmann to run for the Senate. I can’t imagine that happening considering that Bachmann only very narrowly won her Republican-leaning district in 2008. The entire state of Minnesota won’t put up with her nonsense, right? It really makes you guys look bad.

Anyway, Bachmann continues with her metaphor of “being behind enemy lines” in Washington. This kind of talk incites violence. It did during the days of Joe McCarthy and George Wallace and it does now. Her substance isn’t even worth my time. It’s so laced with bullshit and banalities that her opinion cannot be trusted. The good people of Minnesota have got to fix this lapse in their thinking in 2010. Our forgiveness won’t last forever. One of these days, I’ll have to pull a Bill O’Reilly if you keep electing these chumps.

Representative Michelle Bachmann from the Sixth Congressional District of Minnesota received 187,805 votes in the 2008 election. These votes were tallied after she made a fool out of herself Hardball with Chris Matthews. Let me jog your memory.

Now Bachmann certainly deserves a shred of credit for never changing her tune. After an election, most politicians quickly throw their support behind the new president, especially one with a 68% approval rating. But Bachmann continues to contend that Barack Obama will enact a Marxist agenda. And her language is getting progressively more violent.

Wednesday of this week, Bachmann went on Sean Hannity’s radio show and discussed what I can only deem as rudimentary fiscal policy. Here is the interview:

Bachmann is a United States representative. She is not Rush Limbaugh or Sean Hannity. What she is doing is fear mongering. I don’t think that people should be afraid of Bachmann herself. This type of language was used by George Wallace in 1972 and Joseph McCarthy in 1954. She is harmless and looking for attention. But the listeners are another story.

Easily influenced people listen to that drivel and believe in all of its sweeping generalizations. They get scared and think that the government is going to take their guns, their livelihood, and their personal freedoms. What these people don’t do is pay keen attention to what is actually happening in the country. Most of the time, they don’t really understand what Marxism or Socialism is. The equation in their mind is simple. Obama is on the left. Socialists are on the left. Ergo, Obama = Socialist.

Obama is a capitalist, whether you like it or not. What politician would want to be a Marxist when all of their biggest donors are rich CEOs and hedge fund executives? It doesn’t make any sense. The rich pay for politicians so that they can become richer. And how does this happen? Through the wonders of Capitalism.