Here’s what NFL would look like if it moved to Williamsburg and shopped at thrift stores and turned vegan

The NFL has gotten too mainstream, so the Kissing Suzy Kolber blog is spinning Bon Iver on vinyl, serving up Pabst Blue Ribbon and assaulting team logos with some hipster flair before this weekend’s conference championship games.

“Time to take those sweet perfect icons of million-dollar teams and contort them for the sake of a bad joke. Time to destroy what we love,” wrote David Rappocio. Let’s start with the matchups slated for this Sunday.

The next chapter in the epic Tom Brady–Peyton Manning rivalry is first on the docket. But let’s evolve those Patriots and Broncos logos and take a look at two others that would be at home in a Seattle coffeehouse.

“Boston? Feh. I’m from Foxboro. You’ve probably never been there, it’s way out of the way in the middle of the woods. Only the right people get invited.”

“This ink on my neck represents my love of the obscure indie band Whiskey Anus. They broke up after one song but they will live forever.”

After that, the San Francisco 49ers take on the Seattle Seahawks, two teams whose hometowns loom large in modern-day-hipster iconography. It’s only fitting that their helmets be fine-tuned to represent that fact. And this is how they’d look:

“I only watch Organic football. Yeah, it’s more expensive, but it’s so much better for you. I can’t put that junk football in my body, do you even know what you’re doing to yourself with that? Gross.”

“I spend so much time in my local coffee shop they asked me to pay rent.”

Rappocio didn’t stop there. He ran through the entire league. And they’re all worth checking out, including this one for my Raiders — the best thing that’s happened to this franchise since Jamarcus Russell and his purple drank got bounced.

“I lived in San Francisco for a while, but I got tired of paying $3,700 a month for 2 square feet in the Mission. Oakland is way more laid back, you just gotta get past the death and all.”

Story Conversation

About The Margin Blog

The Margin is MarketWatch’s blog that keeps you up to date on the latest and most interesting news outside the world of business. From global and national events to sports and entertainment coverage, The Margin offers a unique MarketWatch perspective on the topics of the day. Led by writer Shawn Langlois, slanglois@marketwatch.com, and editor Steve Kerch, skerch@marketwatch.com, our team has a broad mandate to alert you to the stories everyone is talking about so you won’t miss a beat when the conversation turns social after the bell.