I was against this new format for the ASG when my real father, Brendan Shanahan, announced it back in October, or whenever it was. But then again, I’m against the All-Star game in general since I hit my teens. We all know by now that individual awards and accolades in this sport are purely popularity contests (see also: 2009-2010 Calder Trophy; see also: 2008-2009 Norris Trophy). All-Star game is factored in here.

I know we have the best team in the league with the greatest culmination of talent and hockey smarts, but that doesn’t mean we need to send our guys out for more work on a weekend they’d all much prefer to have off for rest. Nick may be going, but don’t be surprised if they say he “tweaked” something just before the break, and sit him out. Then again, don’t be surprised if we get suspended for doing that. But for the most part, teams were able to get away with “asking permission” rather than asking forgiveness in regards to sitting out this year’s All-Star game.

Even though I don’t really want Wings to have to show up and sign autographs under the threat that they’ll be suspended for actual hockey games that matter (you know, the kind that are worth 2 points) if they don’t, I’m shocked when I scroll down that list of All-Stars and I see no Jim Howard. Doesn’t he hold the lead in wins half the time, going back and forth with Carey Price?

Furthermore, why is there only one goalie from the Western Conference? And why does Taylor Hall’s mugshot make me want to pop the heads off of all my G.I.Joe action figures and burn them?