The vis-à-vis Vis Tour

The OBOccasionals Tour to Vis

The OBOccasionals playing cricket in Croatia. Click to enlarge. Photo: Phil Rhodes

The third overseas chapter of the Occasionals’ ongoing and potentially unending cricket saga saw the team make their way to the Adriatic Sea, to an island off the Dalmatian coast of Croatia, Vis. Of the original line-up eight still remained and to this happy hardcore we welcomed Dave Southworth who, over the course of the tour, blended in seamlessly to the general level of things both on and off the pitch. Another glad and hopefully not temporary addition to the party was Joe Neate’s charming fiancee Alex, a willing participant in all things un-cricket related. Notable absences from the touring party included founding organiser Robin Hazlehurst (we wish you and your family well), original members Jo Beasley and Tom Hopkins as well as Alfred Moore, his partner Wendy Rice, and Richard Wellbirg, all of whom were present on the previous trip abroad to Finland. James Walsh, despite a fleeting sighting on the Underground and confirmation of attendance fading as the doors on the Northern Line closed…. failed to make it.

To get to the island was an exercise in logistics, requiring various modes of travel from aeroplane, bus, train and ferry. Commitment to the cause was demonstrated by hideously early flights, stopovers in Split, Sam Tarr’s day-and-a-half journey from the other side of the world and opening bowler Andrew Gates turning up in his work shoes.

It is better to travel hopefully than to arrive, Robert Louis Stevenson (who knew a thing or two about islands) had it, and although it is safe to say the team travelled with not a fair amount of optimism - and alcohol - rumbling about their bellies, it was a glad moment when the Krilojet catamaran pulled into the harbour in Viska Luka Bay. Worth seeing, yes, and worth going to see. Untampered blue skies and clear waters, ridges of wooded cliffs and yacht sails flickering in the breeze.​Your correspondent arrived a few days earlier than the rest of the team and did some adventuring, buzzing on a scooter to a couple of sandy bays, then taking a fabulous boat tour to the Blue Cave with the irrepressible family duo of Silvana and Pjerino. Charmed by the unspoilt landscape, enchanted - and slightly unnerved - by the stillness of the surroundings (Beijing this wasn’t), it only really sunk in on the eve of the first game that there was a purpose to the trip, and that that purpose was the purpose of playing cricket.

MATCHDAY ONE:​Vis vs. OBOccasionals

​Some old rituals were adhered to, such as the obligatory hangovers, while others were eschewed, the pre-match gin and tonic for example which, in any case, was never an OBO custom and, at least from this writer’s viewpoint, gladly discarded.

Photo: Phil Rhodes

The home ground was a barish field of earth with a strip of astroturf as the wicket. It would prove to be as competitive as it looked. But with the awning as pavilion, the single tree on the boundary, the excellent local restaurant next door, and the whole natural surrounding, it felt like the perfect kind of bucolic atmosphere for cricket.

The home team was a motley of locals and expats, but more of the former. Skippered by Robbie, of Croat-Australian heritage, with help from Steve, of Cambridge stock (and our invaluable reference man for the entire trip), they promised an unorthodoxy which is only found in this type of cricket and which, wholeheartedly, we embrace.

For the OBOs Phil Rhodes once again kindly did the captaincy honours with Richard Caulfield as chief sledger; Glenn Christie would take the gloves for almost every ball in the field.

Somewhere, probably towards the bottom of an Ozujsko beer glass the previous evening, we’d come up with the idea of a two-innings-a-side contest, fifteen overs per innings. The rationale for this plan was that in this way everybody would at least get a bat, one of the stipulations being that for the second innings the batting order would be reversed. Both sides were enthusiastic for the idea and so, at sometime past ten on a day of bright late summer sunshine, the Vis players took the field and were soon joined, striding (read: shuffling) to the middle by the OBO opening pair of Nick Clark and Phil Rhodes.

Photo: Olly Horne

Steve opened the bowling with steady medium-pace inswing and soon the OBOs had lost their first wicket, Nick living up to his name by offering the keeper a catch behind. Joe joined the skipper and the two proceeded to plunder the bowling for a substantial part of the innings, Joe being especially harsh on anything short - or, just basically anything - clearing the short boundary on four occasions. Meanwhile Phil accumulated, driving pleasantly through the off-side at times. The outfield had looked perilous and indeed there were innumerable instances of dodgy bounces, balls scuttling or rearing suddenly, but the first instance of harm done came via the aerial route. Joe clobbered a full toss towards long-off where Steve, arms windmilling as he lost sight of the ball in the sun, let the ball through his hands and onto his forehead, over the rope for six. He left the field to general consternation yet the partnership continued in the same vein, the fielding side at times letting their frustration display audibly. In a dramatic turn of events the stand was broken when Phil, chancing a reverse hit, middled the ball to third man where, who else, Steve, having just that moment re-entered play, took a fine catch running forward. Joe was caught soon after, two short of a deserved fifty, and it was left to Andrew Gates and Olly Horne to see the innings through to a respectable 108.​It turned out to be a good score. Although the Vis team applied themselves and, at times, threatened to cut loose, none of their batsmen ever got going. Despite the treacherous outfield and Nick’s misplaced long barrier, the run-rate was kept down. Perhaps the tone of their reply was set early with two needless run-outs, although Gates especially, lolloping in from the tree end, bowled with a good degree of control in the opening overs. Wickets fell regularly, everyone chipping in. Sam skittled Steve with one that had no right to sneak through, Olly’s one over proved too hot to handle yet the star of the show was new man Dave, all beaming smile and deceptive slow-medium, who picked up three scalps on debut. Vis closed 24 runs behind.

Photo: Olly Horne

Lunch took place in the aforementioned hostelry, run by one of the Vis team Oliver; his hospitality and that of his staff were a constant boon throughout the trip, providing us with sustenance in the form of fine stews and welcome cold beer.

So it was with heaviness of belly and expectation that Richard and Sam opened up for the Os second innings, batting order duly reversed. A calamitous start as Sam, who’d boasted of his prowess but, as yet, failed to register, slapped the first legal delivery to short extra cover. ‘Legal’, your correspondent feels beholden to add, is a shaky term for a paunch-high full toss which was unfathomably not called by the umpire at square leg, who, it was revealed later, ‘wasn’t watching.’ After this controversial beginning, the innings happily unfolded once again in OBO favour. Richard, who on a previous tour had suffered his own embarrassments, stroked the first ball he faced for a classical cover drive on the up. Shot of the tour. Partners Dave, Glenn and Gates flickered all too briefly, and it was up to Olly once again to prove his class with shots all around the ground, reaching his fifty and retiring. Richard looked set to carry his bat before, it would be fair to say, in keeping with events surrounding this member of the team, a moment of pure farce ensued. Setting off for a single when he thought he’d hit the ball further than he had, i.e more than a yard away, a bemused Joe at the other end could only watch as Richard, realising his mistake mid-pitch, collapsed in horror to see the keeper simply walk around to pick up the ball and remove the bails. Still, a run-a-ball 35 was an excellent effort and helped the OBOs to better their first innings at 111.

The home team had a task as stiff as frozen washing to hit the 136 for victory. They started slowly and flapped from then on. Gates may have been denied karaoke on the trip but he was to share in the wickets that fell in an economical opening spell, taking one of the first three. Another run-out and a wicket from Dave, promoted to open from the Road End, left the hosts with too much to do. Nick and Sam, spin twins, Nick looping them up like a slow-motion cowboy, took two wickets apiece, Glenn taking a fine stumping, and Olly wasn’t even needed as the overs were filled by the left-arm lottery of skipper Phil and Joe, somewhat harshly denoted in the host’s scorebook as Joke.​But the visitors had the last laugh. Vis crumbled to 96 and the OBOs celebrated their third proper away victory. Mood that evening was as buoyant as it felt to float in the highly-salted sea.

Rest Day

What happens in Vis stays in Vis. What the team got up to remains something of a mystery, although there were reports of clifftop motorcycle misadventures, discoveries of a hidden beach, a Mod rally on scooters over the hills and the inevitable beer or two.

Photo: Olly Horne

MATCHDAY TWO:​OBOccasionals vs. Outwood

Photo: Olly Horne

Sunday saw a change in the weather, but would it also see a change in fortunes for the Occasionals? Grey skies loomed large overhead as the team convened in the bar pre-match, eager to hear about the forthcoming opposition from Sam, who’d turned out for the hosts the previous day (contributing to a victory with bat, ball and missed run-outs).​‘The bowling’s nothing to worry about,’ he said, going on to paint a picture of a team of decent competence, relatively veteran vintage and equal fondness for Croatian lager. Riding high on victory from the first match as well as the high-jinks the previous day, the Occasionals were confident their winning streak could continue. The opposition were from a village in Surrey, something of a hodge-podge team like ourselves, formed, they said, because they wanted to play without taking things too seriously. The ideal opposition then. The Occasionals faced a Surrey lot, certainly not a surly lot, but who, at the end of the day, would be the sorrier lot?

With drizzle in the air it was a good toss to lose. Phil won the toss and decided to bat. Outwood kindly lent us one of their men for the duration, Steve, and also provided a couple more to umpire for the game, as they had the day before. The format from the first game had remained with the teams picking their batting positions randomly. So it was that Sam had a chance to redeem himself, opening up with Phil. For the opening overs choosing to have first hit looked wise as both batsmen scored steadily, though not chancelessly. Sam retired first at thirty and Joe entered the fray although this time he wasn’t able to repeat his previous heroics and perhaps with Alex as companion his mind was on another form of lusty shotmaking. Olly, star player of the tour with bat, ball, beer and shot glass, came in and blasted the Outwood attack to all parts, reaching his thirty and retiring before ‘Atherton’ Rhodes. There were attractive cameos from Glenn and Gates, both striking fine boundaries, before the innings folded at a competitive-looking total.

As the drizzle turned to a rather more steady downpour, the Occasionals took the field spirits undampened. However the first over of the Outwood reply would give a taste of things to come. Misfields, overthrows, missed run-outs, boundaries - in short a litany of everything that could go wrong going wrong. The Outwood batsmen played fearlessly, perhaps sensing the conditions in their favour, and as more boundaries rocketed past statuesque fielders Sam dropped a return catch, seemingly frozen to the spot, and other chances went just short of clutching fingers. In general there was a shambolic nature to the fielding some of which, but by no means all, could be attributed to a slippery ball and mud-heavy outfield. Outwood cashed in on the loose bowling and indifferent fielding, four of their players retiring. None of the bowlers managed to gain any control and even Olly, when called upon, seemed to be trying to decapitate the opposition rather than removing them in the more conventional way. He did get the one bona fide dismissal of the innings, a shattering yorker, although by this time the damage had been done and the Occasionals trooped off the field to an unhealthy deficit like bedraggled dogs, tails very much in between the legs (none of those legs particularly fine either).

We left our mud-caked boots at the entrance of the restaurant and dived into the dim interior, where hot stew and cold beer were again welcome tonics. During the interval Phil and the Outwood skipper Paul agreed to reduce the next two innings to ten, outfield, ball condition, trouser dampness and lowering skies all being factors.

Photo: Phil Rhodes

This change in the format added a new dynamic to the match situation and the Occasionals’ slight despondency was lightened by a plucky performance with the bat which at least gave them a chance in the final innings. As the sun threatened to break through Dave, Nick, Glenn, ringer Steve, Gates and Olly all chipped in to give the Occasionals something at least to bowl at. The Outwood team found life in the field taxing - though not as taxing as hoped - and there was renewed optimism in the Os camp that the winning start could be the basis of a streak.​Yet it was not to be. A target of 64 simply wasn’t enough and, although all the bowlers, particularly Gates and Olly, performed manfully, the Outwood batsmen were never under enough pressure. Frustration in the field was audible, Gates chuntering from mid-wicket about ’Telegraph readers’ and Glenn so hacked with keeping to the point that he tore off his gloves and invited Phil to take over. Victory for the Surrey team was sealed off a stray leg-side pie from Sam, gleefully knocked round the corner for four.

Afterwards the two teams reconvened to the restaurant, the weather having improved to the extent we could all sit outside necking Ozujsko from the bottle swapping stories of tours past and possible futures. Throughout the tour the games had been played in excellent spirits, at the right level of competition, all teams acknowledging both their relative limitations and proper motivation for playing: for pleasure’s sake. That two teams should find themselves travelling from all over the world past Hvar through high water to a beautiful island to play cricket against a local team culled from just about anyone who fancied a go says a lot about the somewhat perverse attraction of this sport. The lengths we go to, and the lines we cannot draw.

Thanks must go to all the people of Vis, to those who fed, watered and housed us. Special thanks to Steve, Robbie and Oliver, for being the hosts with the most (and the beer), for all their help and warm welcome. Thanks to the two teams we played against, for being great sports. Thanks to Joe and Nick for organising the whole bloody glorious thing.