I learned that lesson again today. The news reached me that things I had counted on would not happen in the time I had been sure of before. I had to regret previous statements and feel pretty bad about it all.

On the other hand, this news was also good, because it confirmed that eventually what I have planned will actually happen. This made me stop worrying about the whole thing. Now I will only feel bad about it not happening the way I had hoped and planned.

Another thing: the weather. Been like the very height of Summer this week: warm and sunny. Almost like July and it’s only early June. There’s cold weather and rain on the way, so tomorrow (Friday) will be the last of the really great weather for a few days at least.

As much as I like the sun and warmth, it has been hard to sleep and not easy to get much work done without feeling exhausted. Still, there are not many days like these in a year so I should not complain too much. Soon the winter darkness and cold will return. Then I will miss these warm bright days.

On the other fronts, not much to report. Still looking for work, still having no luck. Still waiting for various authorities to make decisions and get things started. Still learning to live with knowing I have a disorder. At least I’m now getting some help to sort that out.

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Yes. Change is all around. Summer has given way to Autumn and Winter is around the corner, ready to arrive.

A few weeks ago, I suddenly had to stop going to the place of “work” I have been at, also known as the office. The Employment Agency had decided to close the whole business there due to reasons only they know. It all happened from one day to the next.

So, I had to make a choice of a new place of “work” from a list of providers of such services. After a few days of thinking I found one place but they had no room for any more people so that was not an option. Then I found another place and decided to go there to check it out and then sign up for it.

But the Employment Agency wanted me to meet with people at another place, to see if that would be suitable for me. I didn’t really like it because it was too far to travel there and back every day but I went to the meeting anyway.

Early this week I finally signed the paperwork to start at the place I wanted. Then the person in charge at the Employment Agency seemed to be in no hurry to approve of my choice which resulted in a lot of stress and confusion.

When I called to get some information, I was told I could “most likely” start at the new place on Monday, but I still have no paperwork to confirm this and the people at that place of “work” has not confirmed it. Still, I will go there on Monday morning and see how it all turns out.

The project I was working on at the old place, is now in the wind. Nobody will miss it, as it seems nobody really cared what came out of it.

At the new place I will not be working on my own choice of project, I will only be doing work assigned to me. I suspect I will not like it as much as the things I used to do, but I might learn some new skills about how to make digital copies of photographs, maps and other old documents.

Whatever happens next, I still have only limited control of my own situation. Most of the power to control my life are in the hands of others. I follow the orders I get.

However, the newly elected government has promised to change the way the whole Employment Agency works, including the kind of service it provides to the unemployed. I have some hope things might get better once that happens.

So, readers, I just spent 30 minutes typing something for this blog that will never be published here for you all to read. At the last minute, I had second thoughts. The thing was about a personal matter but I started to worry it might offend some readers so I decided it wasn’t important enough to publish. Instead you get this harmless text.

Sorry. I’m a coward sometimes.

This summer has been a mixed bag. First half of June was pretty bad, weather wasn’t that good but the end of June and most of July has been great. Very warm weather the last few weeks. Very little rain. I have enjoyed some extra days “off” for the first time in years and I have really felt myself recharged for every day “off” I’ve had. Time to think, to sleep and to get away from some of the stress of being unemployed. Really been good for me. I needed it more than I knew.

Now I’m at the end of it. Next week I’m back at doing five days a week at the office and all is back to the normal grind. At least I have some new energy to find ways to move ahead. Not so long ago I had none of that. I guess all I needed was time away from the daily monotony.

I have been talking to some friends and that also helps my mood.

So the short story is: I feel good or at least a lot better than before.

So the Summer refuses to warm up. Instead it offers chills, clouds and rain. I guess you can’t always get what you want.

Same goes for my life. It offers very little to be happy about but at least it isn’t all depressing. My present “work” is, though.

Since I had to leave the nice place I had been at for three years and start a new place, I haven’t been very happy about much. There is no real structure to that new place. Everyone is doing their own thing every day and its hard to find the drive to keep on going without any clear framework to hold everything in place. I have an official project to work on but no deadline and in fact it is already more or less a finished project, but I still have to kind of pretend to be working on it. Most of my time I divide between job hunting and reading about the job market or topics related to things I’m interested in – like politics, food. cooking, television, history, books, movies and music.

I miss what I used to do and where I used to be, so much.

In a way everything about these government projects for the unemployed are on hold awaiting the outcome of the general election in September. There might be a change of policy if the current parties in power are replaced by some of the opposing parties.

Outside of this “work” I find myself having little energy to do much of anything. I used to be able to do things around the house but not so much now. Still, I know have to do some things but they leave me exhausted more than ever before. I also had a certain momentum this past Winter to exercise more but after I changed places of “work”, I have lost that drive too. Probably I suffer from depression without really wanting to admit it. Maybe I ought to get some treatment for it even. Just that it scares me to even talk about mental problems. I’m afraid of the whole concept and also about how some people around me will react to it. They already think I’m lazy because I take longer to do things I used to do fast and easy and that I seem to lack interest and motivation to do much of anything. Nobody seems to think I might actually be depressed or that it could be a reason behind my lack of energy.

Enough of the negative things.

Positive? What would those be these days? Some time to sleep. Some time to enjoy some television. movies and music. Time to be outdoors and relax. Good food. A few friends to talk to from time to time. That’s it.

This blog is now more than 9 years old. I know I have been mostly quiet lately and I doubt I will be more active unless something unexpected happens – like a new real job – or that I suddenly fall madly in love with the right person and find the feelings to be mutual.

Relax, I’m talking about the weather. June was ok, July awesome and August has been amazing. Not at all like last summer when it rained every other day and some day in June was colder than Christmas or perhaps New Year’s Eve.

This year, after a really long snowy and mostly cold winter followed by a short spring, summer grew to become really wonderful. Just what this nation needed. Maybe all the sun and warm weather is the reason I haven’t been writing much on here. Maybe also the fact I haven’t had much to write about, but let’s stay on the positive side of things this time.

This week my brother the chef/drummer is coming to visit me. Been a year since last time so it’ll be nice to catch up on things.

A part from that, there’s not much going on. I’m still trying to find some work and I’m still spending my days at an office where I work on project that might help me find a real job.

Next month, I’ll be a year older again. Later in September, my oldest nephew turns 40 years old. Soon he’ll catch up with me. Anyway I’m really proud of him because he’s running his own business directing and producing music videos and other projects while also taking care of his baby daughter. From very early on he seems to have known what he wanted to do and then he simply followed his dream.

I wish I had some more of that kind of determination. However, I’ve never been able to really decide what I really want to do. I’m too easily distracted if I find something interesting while I’m already doing something else.

Yesterday was a cloudy Monday. I didn’t do much good with it. Rather average day.

Today is Tuesday and I expect to have a better day. The weather is warm and sunny and I feel sweaty without even moving from my seat.

Looking out at the local lake and see people swimming. Wish I could go swimming too.

Feels kind of empty at home after my niece and nephew have gone back south, but it was fun to have them visiting for a few days.

On Saturday night we played The Game of Lifeboard game. It was the first time in decades I played that game but it was a lot of fun.

Yesterday evening I watched a few movies: one Russian and one Chinese war movie. They were both set during the Second World War and also shared other similarities in terms of how they portrayed the main characters and how the plot was played out. A lot of heroism, patriotism and sentimentality. Never rising above the standards of the genre.

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MoonieZ

Welcome ! I'm the author of this blog. I write about my daily life, my interests and the world around me. Sometimes I also have a little fun with words. Just so everyone knows that not every word posted here is true.