Dirty little secrets

This issue is very much about those dirty secrets we’ve been harbouring because for whatever reason they don’t fit into the realm of “normal.”

You may have been there. Maybe your partner asked if you had any fantasies you wanted to try and you meekly said “no” even though you’d love to be tied down and spanked.

But why did you hide your desires? The fear of your partner judging your turn-ons doesn’t suggest a healthy, open relationship.

Dan Savage, writer of Savage Love, everyone’s favourite sex advice column, coined a term that every couple should know.

GGG: good, giving and game.

A good sex partner doesn’t need to be a god in bed, they just need to try their darndest to provide maximum mutual enjoyment.

A giving partner doesn’t hog all the pleasure for themselves.

And a game partner is someone willing to indulge their partner’s desires even if it’s not really their cup of tea. Maybe it won’t work out, but at least you can say you tried.

This is the important one for you closet kinksters. In an ideal relationship, telling your partner you want to try something new and interesting should result in a “sure why not,” not a, “no, that’s weird.”

That’s within reason, of course. If you’re after something likely to cause bodily or psychological harm, being turned down is perfectly understandable.

However if your lover just wants to pet your feet, I say go for it. Making your partner happy should be a joyous activity. And if they’re GGG, it’ll be their turn to indulge your fantasies next time.

There is that small chance that what really turns your crank will do nothing but turn them off enough to run away. But incompatibility is a risk you take in any relationship.