Thursday, July 24, 2014

Diets SUCK.

For the past week or so, I've been on a heart-healthy diet. I am NOT happy about this. As far as I can see, there are only two benefits of a successful diet: 1) You lose weight and get more healthy and 2) You can take all that money you used to spend on junk food and put it towards something more important, like purchasing a vintage Guns n' Roses pinball machine or getting a tattoo of Rocket Raccoon and Groot on your back. That all comes at a price, and that price is steep. He are the worst things, for my money, about being on a diet.

Constantly feeling hungry. They tell me that feeling will go away, but I don't believe them.

The headaches and light-headedness that accompany a huge drop in one's daily caloric intake.

Being told "You can eat this" or "You can't have that". I don't like being told what I can eat at all, and that makes it all the more likely that I'll rebel, spend three days eating nothing but Pizza Hut pizza and Eazy Cheese, and completely blow my diet off the rails.

Feeling uncool because I'm not skinny, like all the pretty people who seer to diet just for fun.

Feeling even worse because I'm a fat person who can't eat what he wants.

The sheer horror conjured up by the thought of going out to eat with friends.

The thought that I might get too skinny for all my kick-ass t-shirts, and I'll have to start my t-shirt collection over again.

Sugar-free products don't taste as good as their sugary counterparts, no matter what the marketing people tell you.

Feel like I just broke up with Wendy from Wendy's and that Jack from Jack in the Box is no longer my friend.

4 words: NO MORE GUMMI BEARS.

As far as motivation, dying hasn't been doing the trick, so I'm trying another trick. Director Peter Jackson lost a whole bunch of weight recently. If his Hobbet-ness can do it, surely I can, too.