$149.99

Hair today... brawn tomorrow!

Some of us have plenty of facial filamentous biomaterial, while sadly some of us are lacking. And some of us are so lacking that our facial surfaces are smoother than a neonate's fundament! We feel your pain. No more enduring endless ridicule from the bewhiskered. No more drawing on mustaches, sideburns, or soul patches. No more covering your face with your hands all the time. Behold, the future is now and here and it's called the Mr. Beard® Beard Machine.

Brought to you by the same people who brought you Mr. Coffee, Mr. Peanut, Mr. Mister, and Mr. Fusion, the Mr. Beard® Beard Machine is an almost instant cure to your lack of facial hair. Just pop the B-Cup into the Mr. Beard® Beard Machine, turn it on, let it warm up, and place your face inside the beard chamber. Using a patent-pending, laser-assisted bonding process, you'll have the beard or mustache of your choosing in about one minute. Since Mr. Beard® Beard Machine uses real human hair, you can get your new beard wet, trim it, dye it, and anything else you'd do with a real beard. And when you get tired of your beard style, just shave it off and pick another B-Cup to try. With a Mr. Beard® Beard Machine in your home, you'll never be face-naked again!