BrettRants

Right Left

The Wonders of Viewing the World All Cross Eyed Just to See it Straight

Facts be facts.

And one of the simplest facts is that I have often confused certain facts: Right & Left, just as a for instance. To tell Left from Right (or should that be Right from Left), I start by recalling which leg it is that I injured long ago; and thus, on which leg I have a scar on my shin. Well, that's my Left... which is opposite my writing hand, which is, also, helpfully named Right. So, there you are Left & Right. I take this rather long and circuitous route (Left Leg -> Right Hand) nearly every time I want to know which way is Left and which way is Right. It's a procedure which does not work well in high pressure situations.

'No! Your other left!'

In the end, it's probably better to use a different indicator, altogether.

'Turn towards you.'
'Good.'
'Now, turn towards me.'

See? Much simpler.

Ironically, I believe (however incorrectly) that I have a better handle on Starboard & Port than most other folks. Of course, Port is just a situational Left, facing towards the front of the vessel, while Starboard is the side on which the Star Board and/or the rudder hung; hence, why it made sense to tie the other side to the Port. And even though I know all that, I still have to work my way through that scar on my Left leg to figure out Port. But eventually, I get there:

Port is a Forward Facing Left ->
Left is My Scar Leg ->
This is My Scar Leg ->
This is Left ->
This is Port!

It's roundabout to be sure (and even more roundabout if one adds in a switch at the beginning and end of the sequence for Starboard, as I define Starboard as the opposite of Port), but it's still better than {some, many} most... or so I believe.

Either way, before I got that scar (in what was it, sixth grade), I really could not tell My Left from My Right.

I, also, always had a hard time differentiating Iowa from Ohio. I think it was probably in my twenties when I started driving Hwy 80 that I finally teased these two states apart. Though in truth, that little mix-up is not so very interesting. I mean, I still cannot locate Delaware, Connecticut, or New Hampshire on a map... and the best I can do (however erroneously), is to state a belief that they're grouped somewhat together on the Eastern Seaboard south of New York.

Maybe more interesting, I was probably half way through elementary school when I finally learned (like, really learned) the difference between Hamburgers & Hot Dogs. Oh, I knew the difference. Hamburgers were great... and Hot Dogs sucked. But, for some reason, I ordered a lot of Hot Dogs by mistake.

The last item on this list (so, really, it's not that big of a list, but with Right & Left starting if off, it's the type of thing I notice all of the time) is an early confusion between Spaghetti & Macaroni. Once again, Spaghetti is awesome. Macaroni sucks. I didn't get much Macaroni at home... almost none, because if a person could have Spaghetti instead, the allure of Macaroni was lost on me. All the same, folks would describe Macaroni as that dish with noodles and cheese... and that was close enough to Spaghetti for me. Until, of course, that hideous glop was put in front of me.

I've mastered:

Hamburgers vs Hot Dogs, andSpaghetti vs Macaroni.

But for some reason,

Right vs Left

still plagues me.

I once wrote an entire computer program that transposed the two. Oh, it worked fine. Because all my Lefts were Rights and all my Rights were Lefts.

And I'm sure there are other items of confusion swirling about in my brain, but I can't think of any at the moment.