Sex is fun, and sex with toys is even better. But what bout foreplay? If you are lacking in your sex life, perhaps the problem is a shortage of foreplay! Fore play includes acts such as sexy talk, passionate kissing, smooth massages, tongue teasing, tickling and taunting, naughty nibbling on various body parts: ears, neck, arms, fingers, legs, tummy, bums and so much more.

You can get creative with your foreplay sessions to keep things mixed up and erotic! Incorporate sex toys with your fun foreplay and experience a whole new level of sexy preparation. Use a small vibrator to tease your partners lips, breasts, feet, and both his and her naughty bits! Finger vibrators are great for foreplay as they are worn around one finger, making it easier to loose yourself in the moment without loosing control or dropping the toy!

Sweet feathers can tickle your partner in a sexy way! Gentle tickling is very erotic and stimulating. Get your partner to lay on their back cover their eyes with a silky eye mask. Then use a feather tickler to gently stroke them beginning at the top and slowly working your way down! Having their eyes closed will add to the sensation, making it impossible to resist grabbing you and giving it to you! You may even have to tie them down with some sexy restraints!

Rub your partners feet deeply until they are in a state of total relaxation. Then move up to massage their ankles, knees, thighs and then a slow but steady massage in between the legs! Anything you choose to do should be sexy and stimulating. Keep your partners pleasure in mind, and you’ll be surprised how much more you get our of it! Getting prepared for your sexy time with some hot foreplay will add so much exotic and heavy pleasure to the sex, try it and see!

Well it’s that time of year again. Women everywhee are plotting, trying to figure out how to get rid of their “old” men and searching for something fresh and new. Someone they feel knows their “value”. But I can’t help but wonder, do these women even know what their value is? Don’t get me wrong there is nothing wrong with wanting to upgrade, hell Beyonce even made a song about it, but be careful. I say that to say you need to be aware of what it is you’re dealing with when you start messing with someone, especially if you are considering them a Mr. Right or a Mr. Upgrade. The things I’m talking are subtle too and they aren’t going to jump out and grab your attention like an Audemar encrusted with diamonds. A man will show a woman how much he values her in the small things he does which is why it’s so important to be in tune with not only with what YOU want but with what you DON’T want.

Here’s a few examples of how to tell if your value has dropped faster than a brand new car that has just been driven off the car lot:

If he’s spending time with you but has a plan “B” on stand-by: his boys, texting, laptop and facebooking, etc. then it’s safe to assume that your value is pretty much zero.

If his phone rings while you’re together and he tries to act like he don’t hear it but looks at you like you’re crazy when you bring it up…..nuff said. ZERO VALUE.

It’s that time of year and you don’t get a call tellling you Merry Christmas on Christmas morning or he hasn’t even ATTEMPTED to make plans with you for New Years Eve…..matter of fact it hasn’t even came up…. Value = 0

Last but definitely not least….

If he is head over heels for you, blowing you up day and night. But once he gets that ass his interest goes from 60 to 0 then so has your value in is eyes. It’s really simple math. You can’t brush your teeth good because you’re phone keeps blowing up with texts….you have sex….now you are staring at your phone wondering if it’s been disconnected. No Value.

Now there IS a flipside….the ones who see value in women and have no problem showing it when they are interested.

For instance, and this is one of my favorite old school gestures. And honestly it NEVER gets old. A man should get OFFENDED (and yes I have had men fuss at me for even REACHING for a door handle) when you and him are together and you even attempt to touch a door handle. Car door, building door, etc. If he reaches for that handle first, or gets out and makes sure he walks around and opens your door for you….he just might be a keeper. No….he is a keeper.

Another one…if you’re out walking one night on a nice date and he wraps his arm around your waist and moves you to the INSIDE of the sidewalk away from the street. He definitely sees value there.

This next one is a little tricky because both men and women can screw this up. But if he knows that love is an VERB and not a NOUN then he is definitely a keeper. Anything he does, especially if he goes out of his way, to show you he loves you is definitely showing you he values you. One of my favorite things to do when someone tells me something like “I love you” or “I am really feeling you” I counter with “Prove it…” Words are just that. Words. They get added and deleted from Webster daily. Now ladies calm down….prove it doesn’t mean he has to bust his checking account wide open to prove he loves you and if you think he does then maybe he should leave your childish ass alone.

If you have a man who makes it a point to try his damndest to schedule his plans around you that in and of itself proves he sees value in you. For that matter if everything stops and becomes secondary when you call (now you can’t be calling and disrupting his day because you bored….but if it’s urgent..then go ahead) then he is definitely a keeper. Your value is definitely off the chart.

Ladies basically if you know your value before you step in a situation there is no confusion or frustration and you know when it’s time to bounce. Set your bar and standards and LEAVE THEM THERE. Don’t settle because you don’t have to. You deserve whatever you want and so much more remember that as we go into this new year. Stop letting these men think they are doing YOU a favor by spending time, texting or calling you. Let THEM be YOUR option but only if you want them to be. Love you first the rest will fall into place.

My favorite line from Beyonce’s Upgrade U and the one I will repeat to myself over and over again is:

“I’m that little glimpse of light that makes that diamond really shine and you already is a star but unless you flawless then ya dynasty ain’t complete without a chief like me…..Partner let me upgrade YOU…”

The question was posed the other day on Facebook if two people who were at one point madly in love could truly be friends after breaking up and if so does that mean that they were never really in love in the first place.

There were lots of responses, someone felt that it meant one person was holding on, still in love hoping the other would eventually come around. Another felt that there was no way the love could’ve been real if they could walk away so easily only to come back as if nothing every happened between them. It brought to mind that song by Deborah Cox and RL “We Can’t Be Friends”. I love the song and the message it held and I personally would have to say I agree. After going through a break up that cut me to the bone, I can’t say I would likely want to be friends. Because even once you let go of the hurt and the anger all you’re left with is the true feelings, the love that is still there, if in fact it was real at all. So my answer to the question was no, two people who called themselves madly in love can’t realistically go back to being just friends. It’s not emotionally possible. Physically yes but on an emotionally level someone is always going to have that “what if” or “maybe” in the back of their mind clouding judgment and jeopardizing the supposed friendship. Unfortunately it is usually the woman who is stuck in the predicament of trying to bag a puff of smoke, or hold on to something that never really existed in these types of relationships. Women by nature are emotional creatures so a breakup always hits us harder than it does a man. And instinctually we want to fix whatever is broken and salvage the relationship, well that always isn’t the best thing to do. That much I do know. So yes: WALK AWAY. It will save both of you a lot of heartache and grief in the long run.

Now I’m not saying that after some time, even some years, have past that maybe a friendship can’t be fostered but in the beginning. No. It just doesn’t compute. If one person baits another into a relationship with promises of love and forever afters there is bound to be animosity on some level if there is a split and that doesn’t go away overnight. Especially if that other person just wakes up and decides to pull a bytch move and just leave the other hanging with no real reason or the classic “I can’t handle a relationship right now” excuse. To that all I can say is grow up people. Emotions, feelings and everything that comes along with them are real and in my personal opinion to play on someone’s feelings then extend a hand of friendship is like a slap in the face, but that’s just this diva’s opinion. You’d be better off just pointing and laughing and telling everyone how you got one off on the person. Why insult someone’s intelligence when the writing’s on the wall? A liar and a user will always show their true colors. They can’t help it because they don’t know how to function normally or in a normal grown up relationship. My advice to you is when they show their colors, do believe what you are seeing and turn and go the other way. It’s for the best because they aren’t going to change and they don’t deserve what you have to offer.

Ladies, I don’t know about you (and probably a few of you fellas as well) but there is nothing like that feeling you get when you see your ex when you’re out with your “next”. Even if it’s just the first date it makes that date a little more interesting and a lot more memorable. Because if for no other reason you can’t wait to get to your phone to text your BFF or get home to log on and get a good laugh at your exes expense.

But it also brings up the question: How soon is too soon to move on? People (myself included) joke that there is nothing better to help you get over your ex then finding the next but is that really the best answer or is it just what the doctor ordered? The distraction of a new face and new conversation and new…..well….anyway….would definitely help anyone forget the person who broke their heart weeks or months before. And at the same time stop the back and forth that some couples go through when they break up so it may actually help keep you from going back to a bad situation. (See: Chris Brown/Rhianna) Some may argue that the issue that caused the breakup in the first place (whether it be you or the other person) never really gets dealt with if you move on to fast and is just gets carried into the next relationship. I personally don’t agree with that view but what do I know? I do know that everyone deserves to be happy so of course if you’re in a situation that is not good or safe definitely get out. And as far as moving on too quickly most grown, mature people can use common sense in whether or not they need the time and space to get themselves together before attempting to take on another persons feelings and emotions. And if you are out strictly for fun I think full disclosure should come into play, especially if the other person is thinking more than just drinks and heavy breathing.

Would it bother you to know that you were someone’s “next” in an attempt to get over an EX? Would that change how you approached the relationship or perceived the person? Would you stay or would you leave?

If you spend anytime on Twitter it won’t take long before you hear the word “Thirst” being thrown around. Now to me it’s a bit juvenile, but to each his own. In Twitterville being “thirsty” refers to someone who (male or female) attempts to reach out to someone they are interested in. I know….I know…..you’re probably thinking, what’s wrong with letting someone know you like them? Well apparently in the Twitterverse it’s frowned upon. Something I will NEVER understand. Because one it shows that people are paying WAY to much attention to other people’s business and two if a person is going to be ridiculed for attempting to approach someone they are interested in, why would they bother?

A woman who does it, whether flirting or dropping hints usually catches it the worst but I have see men burned at the stake as well for publicly showing interest in someone. All this does is create a bunch of people who are too leary to even consider trying to let someone know how they feel out of fear of public ridicule. The dating game is already saturated with its fair share of liars and cheaters on both sides so everyone is guarded and light weight angry with the opposite sex on some level. So what does that leave those of us who genuinely would like to find a real relationship, free from lies and games to choose from? Now there are those that are a little over the top who could be considered “thirsty”. These are usually the women who are bragging about having thousands of followers but her avi is a snapshot of her ass or her breasts or the ones who have no problem talking about sex 24/7. I hate to break it to you boo-boo but they are following your breasts and x-rated conversation….not you.

So is there a way to get past this or are we all destined to be divided, men on one side women on the other, both scared to cross the line. If you think about it both sexes spend a good bit of time on Facebook and Twitter on a daily basis so the chances of coming across someone of interest is pretty great. Is that such a bad thing? Now I can see once the two parties realizes that a possible connection has been made taking their conversation off their timelines and to a more personal venue like texts or phone calls. But it seems that getting to that is even impossible because apparently, according to the rules of Twitter, you’re not supposed to be attracted to or pursue anyone of the opposite sex because inturn that make you: Thirsty. Do you think that’s fair or just?

The title of today’s blog comes from a line in the show Wicked. Now it is also quoted in a number of other writings. Philosophers have argued this point. Religious people will say that God brings people into our lives. Well whatever position you want to take I feel that every person that comes into our life did so for a reason.

Now as I was reflecting on this idea today I thought of a lot of people I don’t talk to or correspond in some way with. Some I lost contact information and have no idea where they are in this world of ours. I am sure they are out there somewhere and hopefully alive and safe. I after all don’t want to wish bad on people because I believe what goes around comes around. There are some who I knew through work relationships and we in my life for a period of time. I know there are some who I know from this part of my life that will probably say good thing I don’t know where they are they don’t want to talk to me anyway.

There are those who touch our lives through dating situations and I think that group is better left alone in this conversation. Now some of this group I wish I still was in contact and things could have been different. Some of this group I may have learned a lot from.

I could keep going on the list but one thing for sure is I have learned from all these people. Some have challenged me in different ways. Some of those challenges resulted in me becoming a better person. Some have ended in stalemate or arguments. Some I do wish were different. Either way I know that I carry a part of them in me.

I am hoping that each person who has crossed my path in this life was changed a little by the encounter and that it was for the better. I know that each person who crosses my path does that for me. Sometimes I realize it right away and other times it takes a little time.