If I Won The PowerBall…

The PowerBall jackpot is currently at $50 million. But a few weeks back it was more than double that. So I got to thinking, like most Americans who gamble with things like lotteries, driving in traffic, eating out, and voting, what would I’d do if I won $100 billion. After taxes I would net somewhere around $50 billion.

Some people want elaborate things. But I’m a simple guy, with simple desires. So here goes…

1. Pay off my student loans and bills

2. Get something nice for my wife and kids.

3. Put all my kids through school.

4. Buy an M-1A Abrams tank and have it decorated with four miniguns, a flamethrower, and painted in Hello Kitty theme. Maybe a decent used aircraft carrier to haul it around on weekends.

5. Hand out $100 to 100 random custodians at schools, malls and hospitals.

6. Give a decent chunk to local orphanages and hospices.

7. Contract a local dairy to bring fresh cream to my cat every morning. And contract a local butcher to deliver tenderloin for my dog every friday and a fresh leg bone every other morning.

8. Buy 50 mcMansions around the area and move 50 random homeless people into them.

9. Buy the city of Virginia Beach and fix the stupid transportation system. I’d make the current mayor and city council use their hands to help build it as part their repayment to the taxpayers for twenty years of blowing money on useless studies with no valuable result.

10. Commission a double elimination death match tournament between all of the local chinese “No. 1” restaurants at the Norfolk Scope. Ticket proceeds would all go towards helping veterans, the homeless and the local food banks. No rules for the fight. As long as they stay in the ring. Oh, and the ropes will be electrified.