LAURA Linney, Alicia Silverstone, Eric Bogosian, Brian d’Arcy James open the 28th in B’way’s “Time Stands Still.” They’ll soon learn they’ll also have to stand still for Al icia’s passion — vegetarian food. We discussed that when we saw one another somewhere. She then phoned next day to discuss it some more.

“See, I had a best seller recently. ‘The Kind Diet.’ Like being kind to yourself. Kind to the planet. Kind about everything.” Yeah, OK.

“I have three dogs. One day I realized if I wouldn’t eat my dogs, why eat any animals? Any meat. Why’s a baby cow different from a dog? They have the same joys, same pain. At the time I was using an asthma inhaler, suffering with acne, getting allergy shots, on antibiotics . . . ”

My thoughts drifted to that glorious rare sirloin I’d just consumed in Michael Lomonaco‘s Porter House restaurant at the Time Warner Center . . . ooooh, so good . . . “You can’t eat bad food. You must understand which food’s good for your body. So I changed my diet. Immediately my weight stabilized, I had more energy, the whites of my eyes grew whiter, nails got strong, skin cleared, medications went down. I healed myself. Then I did research, and my book gives you this information.”

I wondered should I tell this vegetarian about my steak’s onion rings?

“Now I often feed Laura Linney vermicelli noodles, mountain roots with grilled ginger or what I sometimes bring from home, like the couscous my husband makes. And Eric wants to try. The other day he brought roast chestnuts for us, and we added dehydrated mangoes. Matinee days I might do a sandwich with pesto, sun-dried tomatoes and grilled tofu.”

Alright already. I now wanted to be fed with theater information.

“I love Broadway. But sometimes our living playwright Donald Margulies changes words, and that’s scary. I went blank one day. A moment of absolute dementia. No idea where I was, what I was doing. I nearly had a heart attack. Fortunately, Laura Linney picked me up.”

I think the possibility is, she OD’d on alfalfa.

SO, the Metropolitan Pavilion. Ameri can Antique Show benefit. It’s for the American Folk Art Museum. So I see decorator Mario Buatta. He says: “I love folking.” I see Maria Dizzia from (excuse the expression) “The Vibrator Play.” She says: “Your reviewer called me crinkly faced and shrill.” I see Lynda Bird Johnson Robb. She says about her gold necklace: “An heirloom piece from my mother. But I don’t know where it’s from and I can’t ask her.” The chat was almost as good as the art.

ADDING to more charming conversa tion: Sandra Bernhard: “You have better luck being somebody like k.d. lang, who’s just full-on major dyke, than when you’re ambiguous like me.” . . . Courtney Love: “A guy can walk around in a dress for all I care, so long as I get thrown around the room. Toss me around, and you’ve mastered me.” . . . Phyllis Diller: “When I did this variety show with Tony Randall, the first thing he says to me is something about fellatio. I’d never heard the word before. So I said, ‘Well, I haven’t read much Shakespeare.’ ” . . . Christopher Walken: “Early on I was a cabaret dancer going nowhere until Monique van Vooren got the hots for me, took me out of the chorus line and into ‘Roseland,’ the part of a dance instructor who mooches off older women.”

WHILE most humans want out of DC, Chris Tucker lunched with three friends in its W Hotel, and Taraji P. Henson had cocktails at rooftop bar POV overlooking the White House . . . Danny Fried‘s knocked off a book about his China Club, which includes photos of Sting, Elton, Rod, Madonna plus tales of previous attendees O.J. and Nicole . . . Golden Glober Drew Barrymore somewhere keeps one lone strand from her head inside a plastic baggie with the notation: “My First Gray Hair.”

RUSSIA must be in real financial trou ble. I’m hearing work started in turn ing Lenin’s Tomb into a Starbucks . . . Speaking of trouble, here’s the NY Times on its cafeteria’s recent gastrointestinal kerfuffle: “The Department of Health completed testing” . . . “Norovirus was the likely cause. Highly contagious, it’s recently been confirmed at many businesses and schools . . . we continue to stress good hand-washing hygiene.”

REALTY expert Barbara Corcoran, who knows everything about every where, says there exists something called The Pod Hotel, 230 E. 51st St. It has budgetary rooms with no johns. Bathrooms in the hall. A light on indicates which one’s available.