I am new to the group, and glad to be here. I wanted to share something I wrote awhile back, and I posted it elsewhere but got no response. Maybe I won't here either, but what the heck!

I am doing better these days, but have been through so much crap surviving without solid memories, and living a life full of loss and depression. And failed relationships! HA.

I think I am finally learning what love feels like. It is a lot better than obsession and hurt.

I found out a bunch of core belief stuff...stuff like believing I was ugly, I was bad, I was afraid bad things were always going to happen and I couldn't stop them...Stuff like that there. But I am writing again and I wanted to share. Hope it strikes a cord in someone.

Ken

The Price I Pay

I love you with my hatreddrown in my bloodrivers uncharted

you called me son

of a bitch

of a bitch

in my innocence I swam to youthis river of blood

snipping my fingers from your sideyou smiledthat fell smile

amid laughter I sankinto this river

this river of bloodthis cold cold river of blood

choices you left me to make on my own

I swam for my lifemy heart a dragging weightmy mind the curse

twisted as you taught me

gaspingspitting up the stench of your lies

I learned to chart this riverthis living riverliving river of my blood

Thanks for the replies. I am learning to accept the realities of life these days. Instead of hating myself for my shortcomings, for staying in unhealthy situations, not trusting my senses, hating god for making this planet where there are people who prey on innocence...I am learning to say to myself...that's how deeply I was hurt by what happened to me. That's how much it hurt.

Accepting the damage done. And looking out of my window, hoping for true healing...

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