Wednesday, August 22, 2012

I should be getting ready to send two babies out the door to kindergarten tomorrow.

I should be worrying if they will be okay being apart and if I will be okay letting them go.

I should be wondering if they will make their own friends but still love each other the best because isn't that what twins do?

I should be reading The Kissing Hand and saying goodnight prayers with two sweet and anxious kiddos.

I should be thrilled that the past five years have led to this exciting moment.

But that's not what I am doing tonight.

Tonight I'm wondering what that would've have been like, just like I always do when a "big" event happens in Tori's life. That's when I think of her twin the most. There are times, in the quiet of the car or the peacefulness of all the kids sleeping, that I wonder what life would have been like had I not miscarried the twin. Would the twin be just like Tori or complete opposites? Would we still have decided to have Cale? How different would all of this have made life for Emmalee, for Duane, for all of us? And I miss what could have been. But I know I can't dwell of what could have been, as that will take away from what is, what is one of the biggest days of Tori's life. And she deserves to have all of my attention and love and support. Not a mom who is teary over what could have been.

So tonight, I am going to be getting my baby girl ready for kindergarten.

Tonight I am going to be worrying if she will be okay and if I will be okay letting her go.

Tonight I am going to be reading The Kissing Hand to one nervous ( and slightly excited) little girl.

Tonight I am going to be thrilled that the past five years have led to this exciting moment.

And tomorrow, after Tori is delivered safely to her kindergarten teacher and I am in the quiet of my classroom, I will say a prayer thanking God for the opportunity to watch this precious little girl grow up and for the opportunity to someday be met by her precious twin when I go home to Heaven. And surely, I will shed a tear or two (or a million).

About Me

As the mother of the most amazing little girls I know, I started this blog as a way to document stories about the girls over the years. Emmalee loves to have us tell her stories, so I am hoping when she is older and has children who say to her, "Mommy, tell me a story," she, as well as her little sister, will be able to look to this blog for memories. It is also a way to keep family and friends across the miles updated on the lives of the girls through stories and pictures.