"Pursue, keep up with, circle round and round your life, as dog does his master's chaise. Do what you love. Know your own bone, gnaw at it, bring it, unearth it, and gnaw it still." --Henry David Thoreau

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Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Two true stories about the same person

So Kelly is real drunk one night coming home late from the bar. She enters the lobby of her rather large apartment building and there is a guy there. He hits on her and she decides to invite him up to her place. They get it on. Post-coitus, they are talking. He starts to act a little funny. She asks what’s wrong. He explains this might be a little weird for them because he lives on the same floor as her—with his girlfriend.

A few days later she gets a note from the property manager to come see her. Kelly swings by and the property manager, a large, black woman, sits behind her desk saying nothing. She looks at Kelly and just starts moaning a la the orgasm scene in When Harry Met Sally. Kelly is stunned as this goes on. The manager stops, looks at her and says “Keep it down.”

oh damn. I've had my roommate ask me to keep it down before, but we are in the same apt, so it's understandible that she can hear me. But the neighbors? Actually, come to think of it, my walls are a little thin. oops

Where the hell was this friend, let's call her Kelly, when I was visiting? If I'd known that all I had to do was sit in the lobby waiting for drunk chicks to come home, we never would have had to leave the building.

On a related note, I once heard, through a very thin wall, my friend cause a girl to bawl uncontrollably in the middle of their love-making. It wasn't "Oh this feels so good" crying either, it was "Oh my God my husband was just killed in front of me" crying. (For the record, my friend didn't kill her husband.) Funniest goddam thing I've ever heard.

Kelly sounds like a classy girl. Wasted and inviting total a stranger up to her apartment to fuck him having no idea his name, let alone where he's been! How fucking stupid. She has a lot worse problems than someone hearing her get drilled. Next time she might make it on the 6 o'clock news.