Sumo baby’s parents and I had a few terse back-and-forths in coming months, but there really wasn’t anything that could be done: The building simply has good-for-nothing insulation and babies can’t lawfully be caged.

People fresh off the move are still in shock as to how saddled down they are by their possessions, so this is not the time to give something large or furniture-like, which will only cause the recipient to imagine having to someday repack said item and lug it down several flights of stairs.