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It has been awhile since I’ve posted. Mostly, because I have had chemo brain and have not been able to do much. So far, today is the best day I’ve had since Day 3. It is still early, but I can tell that I’m doing much better. I woke up at 2am with a hot flash and couldn’t do back to sleep. So, I got up to take a bath. It helped get me tired again and then I slept on the couch until 7am (waking up every hour with a hot flash). I have good news. Before I took my bath I weighed myself and I have lost about 4.5 lbs. That was so great to see. I still have about 20 to go, but to see that this morning was very encouraging since I have not done anything yet to lose it. :o) I’m going to try to start my diet in a few weeks and do some walking to see how hard it is going to be to get back to my pre-surgery weight. I’d like to get back to it before I have my final surgery and before I start tamoxifen. Which is still, “if” I take tamoxifen (I’m still praying about it and I am still thinking “no”, but everyone else (family, Kev, doctor) is saying “yes”. I was able to go to church yesterday. We usually go to Sunday School as well, but I did not have the strength, but I decided I could probably sit through church service. When we arrived I thought I had made a mistake. I made it to my seat, heart racing, music loud and was having a hard time. I couldn’t stand to worship so I just sat in my seat. I actually even had a hard time staying awake during the music…which is odd since it is pretty loud and we sit pretty close to the front! It was also the first time I’ve showed up for church on a Sunday without a wig! I just had a head covering and it actually didn’t cross my mind until I was leaving. I barely got dressed and ready….a wig was not on my mind yesterday. I may or may not have woke myself up from snoring (Shhh!). lol! I thought about going home, but I just don’t feel right if I skip church. My week feels strange….I feel like I’ve missed something in my life and I didn’t want to feel that all week along with everything else. So, I stayed. Then, our wonderful worship team started singing the MercyMe song, “Bring the Rain” and I just felt like this song was for me. Tears started streaming down my face (thank you CR for the tissues!) and I knew I had made the right decision to come to church. Here are the lyrics that spoke to me….I included a youtube video at the end if you want to hear it. It really spoke to my heart yesterday and confirmed everything I’m going through. That this is all in His plan for me…He is here with me, this is for His Glory and He continues to bring me joy and peace through it all. I felt so much better after this song and really enjoyed the sermon…glad I got out of the house, got myself ready….even when I didn’t want to. It really blessed me.Bring The Rain lyrics

I can count a million timesPeople asking me how ICan praise You with all that I’ve gone throughThe question just amazes meCan circumstances possiblyChange who I forever am in You

Maybe since my life was changedLong before these rainy daysIt’s never really ever crossed my mindTo turn my back on you, oh LordMy only shelter from the stormBut instead I draw closer through these timesSo I pray

Bring me joy, bring me peaceBring the chance to be freeBring me anything that brings You gloryAnd I know there’ll be daysWhen this life brings me painBut if that’s what it takes to praise YouJesus, bring the rain

I am Yours regardless ofThe clouds that may loom aboveBecause You are much greater than my painYou who made a way for meBy suffering Your destinySo tell me what’s a little rainSo I pray

Holy, holy, holyIs the Lord God Almighty

Hot FlashesThe worst part right now are the hot flashes. The doctor gave me something to take at night to help, but it hasn’t helped at all. I wake up about every 45-50 minutes burning from the inside out. I’m drenched in sweat….I throw my covers off…take off my head covering….fan myself for about 10 minutes to get cool again and then pray I can fall back to sleep. I get up 1/2 through the night to change my pajamas (which are drenched and I’m freezing) and then try to go back to sleep. It is M-I-S-E-R-A-B-L-E. I spoke to a friend over the weekend who is on Tamoxifen and she said the first 6 months were miserable as well, as far as hot flashes. So, if everyone else gets their way regarding the Tamoxifen, I guess I won’t be sleeping well for a long time! Grrr!Brain FogMy brain fog started early during this chemo. Normally, I do well until Day 6 or 7, but it started on the 3rd day this time. I can still feel it and cannot think real clearly on Day 7, but it is much better. I hate this part of chemo so much because I literally cannot do much. I lay around, can’t comprehend movies and can barely hold a conversation. I also had a hard time staying awake. SEC football started over the weekend and I slept through most of the games….and I snored! Which is not normal for me. I’m unsure if it is the extra weight or the chemo. I hate it! Luckily, the sound of the game was so loud I don’t think very many heard me. lol! Just my hubby. Intestinal IssuesFinally, after 4 chemo treatments I think I finally figured out what was best for my intestinal problems caused by the chemo. It has not been as bad at all this time. I started eating a handful of raisins and 4 prunes on the day of chemo (after I ate my last meal for the day) and EVERY day after chemo (after my last meal). I drank quite a bit of apple juice (maybe 12-16 oz a day) to stay hydrated and to help with this as well. It listed apple juice in my Chemo 101 book as a good thing for this as well and I love apple juice and hate drinking water so I was happy to do it. Things have gone a lot better. Not perfect, but better. I didn’t want to take Senokot (which is what is suggested in my Chemo 101 book) as it creates a lot of pain for me and I end up lying in the floor in the bathroom for HOURS. So, I was just trying to work with the raisins/prunes this time. After this, I’m not sure I ever want a prune again. lol! But, if you have to go through chemo….try the raisins and prunes!

Hand/Feet/Arm Pain I’ve had a lot of fingernail pain (hands and feet) the last few days. This is normal…along with the bad taste-buds and raw tongue. I try not to let my hands or feet in my hot bath water if I take a bath as the heat seems to make them worse. I so love baths though…so it hasn’t stopped me. Also, you must wear gloves if you wash dishes or it will get a lot worse. In addition, I’m having burning pain from where the IV was in my hand and it is radiating up my arm (I don’t see anything on my hand though…it is all inside)…a lot like the pain I have during the actual Chemo infusion. I’ve only had it about 2 days and I’m hoping it will go away. If I still have it tomorrow I might call the doctor to see if there is something I should do to make it stop. Also, I’m having my feet pain already, which I don’t normally have until the second week. My hubby gave me a foot massage yesterday and it did help. Not sure what causes this.Hair LossI still believe the hair loss during chemo is a blessing for me. Maybe I could’ve just cut my hair short, but not having to worry about my hair during all of this (washing, conditioning, drying, styling) has been such a blessing. I know that probably sounds crazy, but after my surgery, early chemo and in the hospital it was such a burden to have to deal with. It has been nice to not have that as another thing to deal with. I am now looking forward to it growing back though! We will be buying some Biotin tablets (my oncologist said it was okay) and I’ve heard it will help the hair grow back faster. I’ll keep you updated! I do have a little peach fuzz, but I don’t know if that will fall out or not since I’m only 7 days out from Chemo 4.

Jayde, just wanted to comment on the song from Church. I am so glad you posted it – that was the song you had to give me a tissue for – remember? It touched my heart so much! I am glad I went to Church with you, Kevan and Don. Chemo over HOORAY! Love you, Judy

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