Believe me, truth is a stranger to fiction

Sunday

Jan 8, 2012 at 6:00 AM

Sid McKeen Wry & Ginger

There’s nothing like politics and sports to start gossip and rumors flying all over the place. Readers need to be reminded that most of the stuff you hear is just so much baloney. Give you some examples.

It’s NOT true that:

— Michele Bachmann scrapped plans for her new autobiography after the publisher insisted on the catchy title, “A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to Santorum.”

— Joe Biden has advised his boss, the President, to make a subtle switch from his 2008 slogan “Hope and Change” to a 2012 version: “Change and Hope.”

— Chris Christie is campaigning hard for Mitt Romney because he knows he couldn’t be the running mate for Newt Gingrich, their combined weight being heavy enough to break every plank in the party platform.

— The Obama White House is recruiting 50,000 North Korean mourners to line Pennsylvania Avenue on election night ready to do their thing if all goes as badly as some predict.

— Those drones the United States military keeps flying over the Middle East derive their name from the speech-making style of Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid of Nevada.

— Boston Red Sox officials have decided to offer 50 percent off, plus free wings and beer, on all tickets for games scheduled in the month of September.

— The National Centers for Disease Control have identified an ailment currently afflicting thousands of readers in the District of Columbia as Washington Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

— Former British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher flatly rejected an offer from a leading Hollywood studio to star in a film based on the life of Meryl Streep.

— Tim Tebow signed a new contract with the Denver Broncos carrying a provision that requires the team to play at least one game every season in the Holy Land.

— Congressman Ron Paul was the unanimous choice of the Neville Chamberlain Society to receive its coveted annual “Peace in Our Time” Award for his shoulder-shrugging stand on Iran’s nuclear build-up.

— The California legislature, taking a page from Iowa and Ohio, has approved a bill to change the Golden State’s official nickname to the Cockeye State.

— Donald Trump’s barber is being sought by New York law-enforcement authorities on charges of having committed barbarous and cruel assault on a fellow human being.

— The United States Treasury Department has launched a probe to find out how 140,000 fifty-dollar bills turned up in one of its printing facilities emblazoned with the words “Made in the Republic of China.”

— Vladimir Putin, for all his beefcake and bravado, is really a woman, whose name in Russian means “Put-on.”

CAUTION: You have just exited the No-Win Zone. Whatever you hear that’s not on our list, could be the actual truth.