Thursday, April 23, 2015

Times Flies...when...

I was looking through my TimeHop app today from pictures that I posted up to 5 years ago...and as I look back on them I smile or tear up thinking on and remembering those particular moments. I smile realizing how much my kids have changed. Leah doesn't have a gap in her front teeth now, her nose and cheeks are sprayed with 1000's more freckles than before, her face shape has changed. And Autum has thinned down so much. No longer are her rubberband arms from her baby days, and she doesn't scream (as much) about every little thing, and best of all she sleeps through the night--ahem, I should say more than she used too, at least. Blake's turned into a little man. He is saying words, communicating, interacting, climbing on everything...has an opinion, and has a whole new outlook on life.

So many changes that occur right before your eyes, yet you don't see them until you step back and look in on the days that have accumulated into these changes. And you hear it over and over again, my grandma's, my parents, my elderly friends, the grandma's in the grocery store line...

"Enjoy it while you can. It goes so fast. Before you know it, they will be grown up and gone. Treasure these moments. Soak them up. Slow down. Breathe it all in..."

And while I know this. I get this. I am sure this is true. I still have a hard time with the "enjoy this while you can" part of this speech...most days. In fact, until my kids are sound asleep and I am tip toeing out of their rooms in the quiet, just counting down the minutes until I can sit down and prop my feet up for a few, or even eat my cold supper still sitting on the counter, or take a shower with no interruptions...it is sometimes hard to think about "enjoying" this stage of life. Yes, I have my warm fuzzy moments when I take a deep breathe and smile. Living in the moment that warms me over. Don't get me wrong. I do. And I savor the fleeting moment that swells my heart up with goodness, being around my family, in a joyous moment.

But....
There are days...and situations.
Where enjoyment is far from my mind. It's more like, get in, get it done, get out. Survival mode.

Such as when you oversleep (ahem* like today) and you rush downstairs to get the lights on and everyone moving. Your youngest who you have been up with at night for the past 1 1/2 weeks because she is scared, or sick, or out of water, or needs a Kleenex, or wants to change her PJ's, or forgot to put on socks...walks downstairs and makes her presence known with crying...and whining...because she doesn't want to go to school. (in fact, she never does) So she plants herself in the middle of the living room floor saying she can't get dressed, she doesn't know how...and she can't find her clothes (lying on floor beside her), she doesn't like pancakes (that she eats every morning), and she can't walk upstairs to potty by herself...she needs you to carry her....and on and on...(all read while half-crying)

And then your oldest comes downstairs in her high heels (bought specifically for church and special occasions), prepared to argue with you why she needs to wear them to school again--and no they have no connection to her back hurting this week, her heels burning, and her ankles being sore..she doesn't care if its cold because she is wearing 3 shirts to make up for her feet not being covered...

And your son comes crawling upstairs with a runny nose streaked across both cheeks, all the way up to his snot-hardened hair, whining (and he is usually the morning person in the clan), his shirt half-stuck on his head and arms, his pants are completely wet, because he refused to potty before bed the night before...and he joins his sister on the kitchen floor, and harmonizes in on the crying/whining.

These are not exact moments I breathe in deeply thinking..."enjoy this. You will miss it someday."

Nope. Not even close..
Or by the 8th night in a row your husband has worked and you haven't had a free minute to yourself in 2 months, and your kids don't want to eat the enchiladas you made, that they always eat, and they devoured the night before...and it's 7 pm, you don't want to get back out, you are out of Peanut Butter and cheese--your two go-to tortilla toppings when in a crunch.

Still nothing. No warm fuzzies.

Or when you have to get your child early from school for bad behavior.

Or when you can't take another episode of "Ruby and Max"..

Or when you just wish you could go to the bathroom alone, for one time. Without having to explain certain parts or things or differences...

Or when you try to make a phone call and all 3 kids are crying before you hang up, and you desperately wish you could text insurance agents who are trying to find time to inspect your roof.

Nope. I am sorry to say I have no revolutionary thoughts in those moments of..."hey, Anna! Stop, relax and enjoy this, you will miss it..." I just can't make myself say it. Not. at. all.
So while I know you mean well, if I'm dragging one kid by the arm through Dillons, the youngest is in the cart crying, and my oldest is behind me calling me every name under the sun....don't smile warmly at me and say, "enjoy these moments, you will miss them..."

Because I just might hand them all over to you for the night, so you will remember. Remember the tough days. The sleeplessness, the struggle, and the stresses. Just so you know.

Because apparently you forget.
Thank God for that. I know I will, maybe, someday. Possibly. Hopefully.
So just in case I do forget, which I find it hard to believe-- someday,

I will have this blog to smack me back to the reminder of the reality of life with "littles."