On Charleston

I love jokes. I always have. One liners, knock-knocks, stories, even limericks. To me, there’s nothing better than a quick quip or some clever word play that makes me laugh or at least smile a little. I’m a pretty easy audience. For the love of God, I’ve seen “Dumb and Dumber” 30 times. I should probably be medically tested based on that fact alone.

And yet, as much as I love jokes, there’s always been one type that makes me uncomfortable. You know the type I mean. It usually starts with, “Did you hear the one about—,” and then the joke teller will lower his voice a little and maybe shift his eyes around the room to make sure it’s safe to proceed. And I cringe because I know what’s going to come next.

“Did you hear the one about the black guy?”

“Did you hear the one about the Mexican guy?”

“Did you hear the one about the Jewish guy?”

I’ve heard these stupid racist jokes my entire life. Most white people, especially those over the age of 30, have also heard them. I’ve heard them anywhere and everywhere. At parties, at work, at school. From bosses, from friend’s parents, from neighbors. Once a co-worker even pulled at his eyes to make them “Chinese looking” while he told a horribly racist joke. And that genius was an Ivy-league educated executive who made seven figures a year.

But here’s the thing: as much as I love jokes, as much as I love humor, I’ve never found anything funny about these casually racist slams. So instead of laughing, I usually react by trying to leave and/or making eye contact with the other people in the room who aren’t enjoying it, either. Then I’ll call the joke-teller an asshole in my head and vow to limit all future contact. But you know what I haven’t really done? Not really? I haven’t said, “Shut up. That’s wrong, and it’s racist and it’s harmful.” And I—and, in my opinion, everyone —need to start saying that. Here’s why:

“Did you hear about the black guy” isn’t the same as a blonde joke (of which I’ve heard many) or a Norwegian joke (of which I’ve heard many) or even a Texan joke (of which I’ve heard many). Know why it’s not the same? Because nobody walks into a church and opens fire on people because, and only because, they’re blonde Norwegian Texans. Nobody tells jokes about blondes, Norwegians and Texans to dehumanize them and “put them in their place” or show that they’re “less than.” Blonde jokes aren’t insidious. They’re not pernicious. They’re not yet one more way to chip away at an entire culture’s dignity. But racist jokes? That’s racist jokes’ jam, man. Otherwise, why would people repeat them?

Now, telling a racist joke doesn’t mean you’re one step away from putting on a white kracker hood. Laughing at a racist joke doesn’t mean you’re just one Facebook manifesto away from starting a race war. But come on. We all know it’s not the right thing to do, either. It’s not how you should act as a Human on this planet. It’s not how you should act if you have a thinking brain in your head and a working heart. All these jokes do, in their essence, is use humor to make yourself feel better than an entire group of people. And next thing you know, you’re watching the Charleston massacre on the news and wondering why other white people have to take this superiority a bit too far.

All of that said, please know that this isn’t an easy thing for me to write about. I’m not a social justice crusader. I’m not always comfortable sharing my feelings. I’m not nearly as smart as my many friends who’ve written brilliantly about this issue. Hell, I’m not even someone who can spell vaccum right on the first try (damn it—vacuum). But my heart hurts. My heart is broken. My eyes are filled with tears. What the hell is happening in 2015 when innocent souls in our country are massacred just because their skin is darker than some would like? What a world, what a world.

I belong to a religion where they were killed just for being a member of that church, along with an extermination order on all Mormons from the Missouri governor. Hate is an evil pernicious thing….it it is everywhere…..I am always grateful when people don’t prejudge me. But my children have been singled out for derision, not allowed to play with certain kids. We laugh it off, it’s certainly not a lynching like the 1840’s. I hope the courage we now feel to not call each other names spreads to politics too. It’s hard to read crap on Facebook about how stupid liberals are, or how republicans hate….we can disagree without getting so personal.

I have trouble writing about these things, too. And yes, as a woman well past 30, I have experienced those jokes and done the same uncomfortable dance. I will no longer. I will make it clear that racist jokes are not funny or okay to me. Because this blonde, Irish Texan has heard her share of jokes for all three traits but I have never feared for my life for any of those reasons.

I read your posts religiously and share them with my sister. I’ve never commented before but always enjoy them. This time… from a very early age my father told me dozens of racist “jokes”, ones that are stomach churningly violent and hateful. I consider it a miracle and blessing that I am not a racist. I never have, and never will, understand why people think that the amount of skin pigmentation a person has means anything. Thanks for this wonderful, eloquent, touching article. May it spread worldwide and bring people to their senses. 🙂

Totally agree. My heart is broken too. There is true evil in this world, to be sure. We don’t all need to believe in the same God or the same path of salvation to be able to recognize the kinds of evil, murderous, condemnable behavior we saw this week. What is most troubling to me, as a mother, is how this walking evil human deviant turned out this way? This hatred was taught – somewhere – and not because of a stupid flag on a civil war memorial. What can I do in my sphere of influence? Love, be kind, show respect and humility to everyone I encounter and be an example for my children of this. no matter how crummy a day I might be having.

I’ve been an admirer of you and your writing for years, but this is exceptional. Sometimes anger comes off as just noise and not enough people hear important words because of it. This, right here,is so genuine and truthful, it’s a thought changer. And that’s what we need. Thank you.

At a party one time, a racist joke was told, a girlfriend of mine said the perfect thing, “Just because you’re in a room full of white people, doesn’t mean we want to hear racist jokes” She said a mouthful and I’ve always remembered that. People who tell these jokes think because all the people in the room are the same color that it’s acceptable. We have to remind them that it’s not.

Although I am down under in Australia, it breaks my heart when I hear it.

Beautifully written Wendi! I am giving you a hug right now, can you feel it?

In Australia, we are constantly at war with those who choose not to fit in, who are not culturally intelligent, who may even think they are above the law. It is sad, confusing and heart breaking because at the end of the day, we just want to be healthy and happy right?

Everyday there is news concerning racial conflict, racial issues and I do not know when it will end, but I feel the more that are educated and educating our children with teaching them about respecting themselves to respect others, maybe the hate chain will break, it will fall to tiny pieces and one day we will only remember what our world was like. But until then, our children our future must embrace humanity, acceptance, empathy and adults need to live with trust and openness.

A few days ago, on our news there was a story of a beautiful 3 year old girl who was dressed up like Anna from Frozen. The people in front of her saw her and said, ‘you cannot wear that, you are not a Princess, Anna was not black’

This of course went viral. The mother was shamed live on TV though no one knows who she was but that little girl and her mother will never forget this. I hope they do though. I just do not get it, why are people so cruel?

There is no room for bystanders when it comes to racism. My tactic to racist jokes is to call the person out with, “You do know that is super racist, right?” Usually I get lambasted for not having a sense of humor. Which, is ridiculous since writing funny is my deal. I am also a blonde and blonde jokes stopped being anyone near hilarious to me decades ago, but I have never felt my life threatened because of them. I just get mildly annoyed.

Even blond jokes are offensive to me because they are really misogynist jokes. (I’m not blond, but I am female.) Not the point here, I know, but I’d put ALL l the stereotyping jokes in the trash. I certainly don’t tolerate racist “jokes.” Which I do challenge, though fortunately, I can’t think of the last time I heard one. So there’s progress. A little.

Even blond jokes are offensive to me because they are really misogynist jokes. Not the point here, I know, but I’d put ALL l the stereotyping jokes in the trash. I certainly don’t tolerate racist “jokes.” Which I do challenge, though fortunately, I can’t think of the last time I heard one. So there’s progress. A little.

I grew up in a small town equidistant between two large Atlanta suburbs. The way all of us, me included, and I’ve been a lefty punk rock radical since I was a teenager, said things and acted in ways about non-white people that were abhorrent under the guise “we didn’t know better” and “that how we were raised”. The thing is you don’t have to be the same as your parents and grandparents or beholden to whatever “traditions” the area you live in want to perpetuate.

I’m also a Christian and seeing the victims family members tell the murderer “we forgive you” fortifies my religious beliefs more than ever.