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Thursday, September 3, 2015

When It Is Time to Forgive the Unforgivable

1.Let us suppose, for a minute, that it is very easy to misinterpret the Talmud. Let us remind ourselves that the passage favoring pederasty is NOT to be taken literally. Rather it has to do with the Kittubah, which is a set of marriage pledges given by the groom to the bride.

2.Let us assume that your abuser grew up in a shtetl in Austria in the early 1900's. Let us also assume that there was little communication with other students of the Talmud outside of this small shtetl. Let us say that your grandfather took the phrase about sexual abuse with a girl under 3 and a boy under 9 literally. (Now we know it is an unacceptable interpretation.)

3.Let us assume that your abuser was sexually abused because the Talmud said it is okay - which it does NOT say. Let us say that people did not know the truth, but studied and studied and incorrectly carried out certain practices, which, in this time and this place, are illegal.

4.But let us return to that place in that time. What if your own abuser, whom you hated/loved for your whole life, was sexually abused as a child, but was told it was an acceptable practice?

5.This is what we know: Freud, an Austrian Jew, knew that sexual abuse of children was rampant. (See case study of Dora, e.g.) Freud had to cover up his true knowledge with the somewhat far-fetched Oedipal Complex theory, which, he said, explained hysteria and other neurotic states. He really knew that he was right the first time, but he wanted to remain part of the Austrian Psychoanalytic Society, whose members, apparently, knew about rampant sexual abuse of young children.

6.How many people in therapy suffered as a result?

7.Back to reasonable interpretation: the Talmud says what a woman's marriage rights should be if she was sexually abused before the age of 3 years old. (The Talmud thus protects the rights of the abused.) Let us acknowledge that your sexual abuser stopped having any contact with you when you turned 3. (People have remarked that there was a big (and not good) change in you at that age.) Nobody understood why, and blame you to this day.

8.Now onto some more facts: Dr. Leonard Neff, rip, conceptualized the diagnosis of PTSD, or post traumatic stress disorder. It seems that other therapists pretend that they know how to treat PTSD, but really do not. Perhaps the VA has finally gotten it straight. I hope so.

9.What if your psychological existence (with all its physical connections) depended upon forgiving the unforgivable, because the perpetrator was a victim turned victimizer and did not know any better?

What if ... if ... if ... if ..

10.The other day I saw a posted photo taken in the 1990' s of a beautiful couple, now dead. Not too far from the wife's beatific smile were tattooed numbers on her arm. She had come to terms not only with the unforgivable but also with the unthinkable.

11.Do not blame Judaism and those who misinterpret what has been written. You know in your heart that no religion would condone sexually abusing a child. And yet it happens. To me and maybe to you.

12.Save yourself. It is time to forgive (and understand) the unforgivable, inexcusable acts of not only sexual abuse of children but also the act of blaming religion and MOST of all of blaming yourself.

13. Disclaimer: In summary this post is not meant to blame the scriptures of judaism or any other religion. It simply represents my own limited attempt to understand.