Synopsis

Rail Wars! takes place in an alternate universe where the Japanese government remains in control of the nation's railway systems. Because of the stability afforded by the leadership of the government, the railway system is allowed to flourish.

Naoto Takayama aspires to become an employee for Japan National Railways because of the comfortable life that it will enable him to live. In order to accomplish this he enters its training program, where students must demonstrate their knowledge of trains as well as their ability to be ready for any challenge that might arise.

During this time period he will encounter other students such as the athletically gifted Aoi Sakura, the constantly hungry Sho Iwaizumi, and the human encyclopedia Haruka Komi. Together they will work towards surviving their trainee period, all the while taking on purse snatchers, bomb threats, and the looming specter of the extremist “RJ” group who wants to privatize the railway system.

What a disgraceful, irredeemable, repulsive piece of trash this anime truly is. This show has thus-far been the most uninspired, lazy, and forgettable pulp I’ve ever had the misfortune of sitting through. Not a single OUNCE of effort was put into this butchering of a somewhat promising and unique concept, and while the show thinks it can distract the audience from its laughable “plot” (if you can even call it that) and its worthless, pathetic, cardboard-cutout characters with absurdly excessive fanservice, they aren’t fooling me. It's unbelievably stupid, it's misogynistic, it's cliche, it's rushed, it's... Y'know what? Let’s just go ahead and delve
into what is likely hands-down the worst anime of the season, Rail Wars.

Synopsis: Four teenagers begin working for a railway station. Hijinks ensue.
…
That is literally it.

The synopsis of Rail Wars on MAL is extremely misleading mostly because it implies that this show has a plot: It doesn’t. There is NO exposition. I’m not exaggerating; there is none what so ever at any point. This show is literally a montage of random, unrelated incidents that the protagonists have to fix and/or get themselves out of. There is no coherency or consistency to be found (unless you count constant fanservice as “consistency"). This is a show that tries to pass itself off as “mindless entertainment”. There’s one problem though: It’s not entertaining! The writers have no idea how to give the random scenarios they come up with any suspense at all! There are no action scenes what so ever (excluding 10 seconds in episode 1), there is no reason to care about the generic characters, and there is simply no energy or excitement to be found. You can literally feel how rushed and passionless the development of the anime really was. In fact, they make an effort to AVOID fast paced and exciting scenes! In episode 3, this show has the audacity to make us sit through some of the most boring and pointless dialogue I’ve ever seen as it builds up to what was shaping up to be a good fight scene (albeit the buildup is painfully slow). Just as the fight was about to start, the shot becomes a still frame and we cut to after the fight is already over. If that doesn’t prove that the animators don’t give a shit, then I don’t know what will; what an absolute slap in the face.

Perhaps the biggest joke of all is that some of these episodic scenarios aren’t even related to trains! I mean… really?! This show was advertised as some sort of action-shounen based around railways, which could have been cool, but all we got was random fanservice and nothing to hold it together. In fact, there is literally no reason for this story to be related to trains at all; whether it’s diffusing a bomb or stopping a dangerous intruder at a music concert, literally any other setting would have worked just as bloody well. The “writers” (if this garbage can legally be considered writing) just jotted down as many generic scenarios as they could think of and made each episode consist of a one of those scenarios. I could have written this show at the age of 8. It really is that stupid, random, and simplistic. Not ONE thing about the show’s “plot” was done even remotely right. It is a complete, unbridled disaster.

The characters are just the icing on the cake to this amazingly repugnant arrangement. The only thing I can say about them is that they fucking exist (unlike the plot). The MC doesn’t have a spec, and I mean not a SPEC of originality to him. The driving force of the "plot" is that he wants to be a train conductor. Too bad I don't know a goddamn thing about him and therefore I don't care what the hell happens to him. The MC’s harem is just as generic as he is; there’s one red headed chick who sort of has a personality, but it’s completely stereotypical. I guess having a generic personality is better than not having one at all, which is the case with the rest of the cast. Rail Wars left me scrambling so hard to find positive aspects that a 2-dimesional character is considered a highlight of the show. I think that says it all right there.

In conclusion, Rail Wars is a disgrace. They took a unique concept with potential and loaded it with clichés through the addition of highschoolers and a big-breasted harem. Throw in the absurd writing and piss-poor choice of direction and you have yourself, dare I say, a trainwreck!
*Pause for laughter at obvious joke that I didn’t have the willpower to resist making…
This is just a humiliation to the anime industry and to fiction in general. Everyone responsible for this monstrosity should be ashamed of themselves, because I’m certainly ashamed. I cannot fathom a single, solitary reason for ANYONE to EVER watch this show. It’s not good for action, it’s not good for comedy, it’s not good for mindless entertainment, it’s not good for ANYTHING. Other than fanservice, this show has nothing to offer (and you could pick thousands of other superior anime if you really want fanservice). The music is decent I suppose, and that is the only thing that separates Rail Wars from a 1/10. Needless to say, I not only wouldn’t recommend this garbage to anyone, but I also wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. It is honestly the most worthless and contemptible anime I’ve ever seen.

Director: Okay. That’s good. [Glancing at his clipboard.] I noticed that her breast sizes were a size ‘D’. I don’t like it, could you increase it to a size ‘F’?

Animator A [looking shocked]: What? Why? isn’t that a bit too big?

Director:
Hm. What do you mean? There’s no such thing as ‘too big’. Only ‘too small’. And, also, add more jiggle physics.

Animator A [still stocked]: What? Are you kidding me? But, this character already has a lot of jiggle scenes.

Director: I understand. I’m not asking you to add more jiggle scenes, I’m asking you to add more bounce, more jiggle physics, because she’s clumsy and tends to be naked most of the time. I want the animation design to be fluid, polished and smooth. If the viewer will not remember her sweet, kind and gentle personality, then they will remember her nice flowing and bouncing breasts. I want the viewers to be awe by her large bosoms, especially when she's running!

Animator A [sighing]: Fine. But, this is going to take a lot of work.

Director: That’s fine by me. As, for Animator B, you know what to do?

Animator B [nodding]: Of course. Increase the breast size for Aoi Sakurai from size ‘C’ to ‘E’. And add more jiggle physics, because every viewer is watching for beautiful flowing breasts.

Director: Exactly! Now, get to work.
–––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––
(A meeting with the director and the script writers)

Director: Okay, folks. We don’t have much time. We are losing viewers at the moment and I’ve got an idea to get more viewers, and to make the story more interesting.

Writer A: So, what is it?

Director: This story has no need for a deep, complex plot. That will turn off the viewer. [He sighs.] It needs to be predicable, it needs to have lots of typical cliches and fanservice, and it needs to have fillers. That's what this anime needs and there are four things that we must do: 1) add a idol episode, 2) make the girls wear lots of swimsuits and bath towels, 3) have the clothes of the girls torn, ripped or wet, and 4) have one nipple scene. With this set-up, everyone will tune in and watch this series.

Writer A [hesitating]: But, isn’t this series about trains, kick-ass action, and conspiracies?

Director [shrugging]: Well, yeah. To some extent. But, recently idols have been all the rage, and remember you can never go wrong with 'the plot'.

Writer A: I guess, however, won’t the viewer be expecting lots of trains and action?

Director [sighing]: If I had to put the story in percentages, then 50% is about 'that plot’ and ass, 30% is kick-ass action, 15% is about romantic subplots, and 5% is talking and looking at trains. Look, you must remember, this anime isn't serious or 'deep' and complex, it's just a bunch railway security force members stopping bad guys from doing bad things, with lots of 'plot' action and ass shots.

Writer A: Won’t the viewers be disappointed about this?

Director: Not really. Because, they’ll be 'watching it for the plot’. It's always the 'plot'!

Rail wars...so lets get one thing straight right of the bat this is a HAREM ECCHI anime if you don't like those genres stay the hell away from this show.

so moving on the lead characters are all pretty generic we have Naoto Takayama your typical dense harem lead and his co-workers Aoi Sakurai the typical tsundere heroine who has a particular fondness for guns Koumi Haruka the big breasted gentle character and lastly Shou Iwaizumi who serves as the stupid best friend as well as some other minor harem members.

story....well there wasn't much
of a story with each episode mostly consisting of light hearted comedic moments some fan service and then an action scene before wrapping everything up in 20minutes and maybe throwing in some facts about trains every now and then.

The sound was mostly forgettable but not awful the OP and ED being the only two stand out tracks in my opinion Art seemed mostly average no problems .

Ok so overall is this anime ground breaking? no of course not its generic as hell with generic characters and average art and sound. Did I enjoy this anime? hell yes it was 20minutes a week where I could turn my brain off and relax a typical harem anime no major drama or plot. Fans of other harem anime will most likely enjoy this show as well if you don't like harem don't watch it.

Rail Wars! is a confusing show. It is an ecchi harem with the primary gimmick being that it supplies the viewer with plenty of train facts.

There is no progression to this story. Although it is a harem, there are only two moments in the series that could be considered "plot development between characters" in which two different girls' announce to the screen that they have feelings for Naoto, our main character. However, while both of these girls may have revealed their feelings (to no one in the story), the only effect this has on the story is the addition of blushing throughout the
otherwise ordinary moments this show is chock full of.

The only notable plot progression throughout the series is the very arbitrary promotion of Naoto from "kid who works for train station" to "kid who leads other kids who work for train station" which has no actual importance on the series as he is bossed around enough by his incredibly tsundere teammate that his title is meaningless. Aside from this tidbit of progress, nothing resembling a plot will occur for the rest of the series. You may be thinking, "well, that's okay. I'm just in it for the fan service anyway" and this is where I will have to stop you. Unless you, along with the writers of this show, are deeply infatuated with girls removing their pantyhose in a two-shot still frame every few episodes, you will be very hard pressed to find yourself satisfied in any way.

Much to my surprise, Rail Wars falls extremely short in the fan service department. Given that this is an ecchi harem show with no plot whatsoever, no character development, no relationships, and terrible animation you would think that we would at least get some Grade A boobies in our faces every few minutes, and although literally every female character with any significance has an obnoxiously large chest, we are left with pantyhose removal every few episodes and the occasional heavily-veiled changing room scene. If sexual tension is all you need, don't continue watching after episode two, where we get our one and only moment of actual tension which last about a minute and produces microscopic amounts of embarassment between the two characters involved. (Of course this is assuming that girls taking off their pantyhose doesn't completely captivate you, because the writers REALLY just eat that stuff up. When that still-frame passed and Sakurai's legs turned from darkish tan to light peach I knew my world had changed forever)

If you're still thinking "I'm just in it for the trains!" you are still not safe from the disappointment. Two or three times per episode, as a different 3D model of a train scrolls across your screen, Naoto will read to you the first ten sentences that wikipedia has to offer about that specific model of train. This interaction will then abruptly end and the show will continue normally, although occasionally a female character will comment on Naoto's obsession with trains which will result in the cheerful laughter of his teammates while the camera pans away to a fade, and we can escape from the tedium of Rail Wars! for just a moment.

Probably the only interesting aspect of Rail Wars! is the immense responsibility that these junior train cadets in training have, as they are equipped with pistols put in charge of defending the lives of thousands from a multitude of train-hating terrorists. While this may sound entertaining, I assure you that any conflict or action will take place in the final minute of the episode and be portrayed through a still-frame of a bad guy getting kicked by Sakurai. The ability of the junior train cadets to absorb minutes worth of tasering to the neck - completely unscathed - is notably comical yet also ruins any hope for the plot to actually start moving.

There is very little left to say about Rail Wars! If you are looking for 4 hours of large-breasted characters doing mundane things, poorly animated CG trains, 2 minutes of unfulfilling ecchi, half a dozen still-frames of action, and a small pamphlet's worth of information on trains, then Rail Wars! is the show for you. Otherwise, you should consider looking elsewhere.

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