May 2016 Babies

Tell me it gets better

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agbonfire00 wrote:

I cannot take one more minute of the whining, crying, and clinging. She doesn’t act like this with anyone but me. She’s fine at daycare and with grandparents. It doesn’t matter what I do-hold her, ignore her, distract her...she just whines and throws fits the entire time. I dread weekends because I have to spend all day with her rather than only listening to it for a couple of hours in the evening, and that in and of itself makes me feel like a horrible person and mother. What am I doing wrong? Please tell me this is a phase?!

When ds does this I ask him to "stop" and "tell me what you want". He usually points to what he thinks he wants. It eventually either leads to something or he's just got me on a goose chase really just wanting to not be where we are. Most of the time this works. I'm a ftm so just spitballing here.

I'm a sahm and lately I've been leaving all day to go clean our new place. When I return, yeah, he's clingy.

I do ask her but she has very few words and usually won’t show me what she wants. I go through a litany list of things she could possibly want but the answer is always no, no, no. My DH tries too but she won’t give him the time of day and screams if he tries to do anything for her. It’s truly exhausting for all of us.

I? definitely feel like my baby can be worse with me than others sometimes too. It’s like she’s bored or something. It’s normally if I’m trying to do something else like getting ready or making a phone call. I? figure it must be her age that she seriously demands my undivided attention. She wont play by herself for very long. It’s not ALL the time though thank goodness.

Your not doing anything wrong she's going through separation anxiety, my lo is doing it too. It could also be she's teething and needs more love. Yes things do have moments of being better.bit will get easier once she can tell you what's wrong right now everything frustrates her because she can't communicate what's going on

...and it's not just you. This young toddler time is the hardest cause they LOVE you the most. It's hard for them cause they can't communicate with you - the most important person in their life, and to make matters worse you have a natural response to your LOs screech that no one else does that raises your cortisol levels and drives you mad. My husband didn't get it until the second one that he is different around me than others and it's not just parenting styles. It's actually proven in research that 18 month olds are THE WORST around their moms.

If I can give any word of hope, it's that as they learn to communicate it gets better! So try to be patient and teach them words for everything - even if it's not the actual word. For example, my son says na-na when he is hungry and wakes when he is thirsty. And I make him say up before I'll pick him up. Try (keyword try, haha) to be as present with them as possible during their time with you and put away devices. This is my biggest struggle, but it helps. Also, for your own sake and their well being, don't feel guilty if you have to just put your LO in their crib or somewhere safe and get out of earshot for 5-15 minutes (even if they scream their brains out) cause you need to recompose yourself and have a glass of wine or tea. You do so much and deserve it. Plus they need to learn to self soothe a little bit - a valuable life skill! So you should actually feel like a good mom when this happens!!! Your kids deserve your best self and if the stress makes you negative , temporarily removing yourself is healthy. I was told that by my doctor and it made a huge difference.

Thank you! What a great idea that I hadn’t considered - to give her easy “words” for some of her needs. We’ll give that a shot! Also, nice to know it’s not just me (well it is in this case lol) but that a lot of toddlers and moms go through this about now and that it will get better when she learns to communicate more. I am going to work on removing myself from the situation when my frustration gets too high since and to come back to her in a few minutes with a better attitude rather than continuing to escalate things. Thanks again for your words!

My little one was starting to do this and always at the worst times when I was trying to do something. Now I just try to include her in with what I'm doing. She helps me make dinner which sometimes it's messier and takes longer but she's having a good time and I don't have to listen to whining. She's also really big into helping daddy with projects. So she may hold the screwdriver or help hammer. It's amazing at this age how much they pick up on and remember. So now she always puts her shoes away and her dirty clothes in the hamper and even feeds the dog. It keeps her busy and means less work for Mom... Most of the time (I have to go clean up dog food now)

This will get better. I promise you!! My older kids are 20 and 16. I miss them young. Toddler years are so hard. My LO now is def my most challenging or maybe I've forgotten what it was like. Lol you are not failing. You're just a mom of a toddler. Try and spend some quiet time to yourself. Hot bubble bath, coffee with a friend etc. it helps clear your mind

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