UNITED NATIONS, New York  Coffee-colored UN Secretary General, Kofi Annan, who told a BBC reporter that the war in Iraq "illegal," is also calling for the resumption of the oil-for-food program, which involved massive UN corruption.

"This war is no good," said Coffee. "It's not our show. We have no chance to skim any money off the procurement orders, reconstruction money, or payrolls. It's a disgrace!

"I'd like to see the Iraq oil-for-food program restored," said the lusty Secretary General. "We made a fortune off that, and people here want to return to the trough as soon as possible. It's an expensive life we lead at the UN."