Monday, May 16, 2005

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

The other day I was watching the Jim Carrey Movie "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" where he and his girlfriend played by Kate Winslett attempt to erase each other from their memories when things go sour, with the help of a specific procedure. The movie was OK, but it got me to thinking. You know how people will tell you that "all experiences are good experiences" because you supposedly "learn from them"? In some cases I agree, but in other cases I would have no problem having specific people and things erased totally from my memory because I didn't learn a motherfucking thing. If this mind erasing procedure really existed, here are a few things that I would want wiped from my memory, forever.

Shante: There are some people who you just know you shouldn't date before you do it, well Shante was a shining example of this. Granted, I was blinded by the sex so that had a big part in my lack of judgment. For one thing, I found myself getting into the silliest arguments with her resulting in her always wanting to fight me. Then when I grabbed her to restrain her she claimed that I bruised her and called the police on me, which was embarrassing. The cops had me in the back of their cop car, cuffed, when she admitted that she lied. The cops hesitantly let me go. Then we were in a restaurant and I introduced her to my cousin, but she was so jealous and thought that she wasn't who she said she was, she refused to shake her hand.(My cousin still wants to beat her ass for that.) I am in no way an intellectual elite, but some of the shit that came out of her mouth had to set black folks back 100 years.(Don't you hate when stupid people say the dumbest shit with the utmost confidence?? Me too) Besides that foolishness, she cheated on me and like a fool I stuck around. Then when I happened to cheat on her she tried to burn my car "Waiting to Exhale style". I definitely take some responsibility in the dysfunction that was called our relationship, but I learned absolutely nothing from her and getting her and that entire episode erased from my mind is a good thing.

Bad Hip Hop: I'm disturbed that I know who the Ying Yang twins are and the idiocy that they call music. I'm upset that I know certain Jah Rule songs by heart, and that ain't on purpose. Remember when "The Black Eyed Peas" were kind of underground, now they are a fucking Superbowl act. Why do I even know who "Paul Wall" is, or "Slim Thug" for that matter. Let me say this loud and clear: I don't give a solitary fuck who Mike Jones is! Fuck you for infecting my brain with that bullshit. 50 Cent, Lloyd Banks, lil flip, Cassidy for saying that he is the best thing since B.I.G(man fuck you!), I want all of those wack bastards erased from my memory. I also want two specific images of respected rappers erased from my memory as well. 1)Hearing MC Lyte rap on a OId Navy Commercial to Young MC's "Bust a move" beat and 2)Seeing the greatest rapper ever, Rakim, in a Jewel Santana video Jewel Santana is straight ass in the MC department. Erase all of that, as soon as possible! I know that those groups will creep back into my brain in due time, but having a few days of ignorant bliss will be satisfying.

Dee: I have known him for about 16 years so it might surprise you that I want this individual erased from my memory. Let me explain. Our friendship has been a one sided one from the beginning. From day one I would lend him money and not get paid back and for years it seemed that I was his personal chauffeur taking him multiple places. I'm not even saying that I would want any type of reciprocity, but the part that pisses me off is that he kind of acted like I had to do things for him. Looking back on how he used me it just gets me mad because a person definitely couldn't pull that shit with me now. I even tried to look past all of that and remain friendly with dude, but that has proven to be a mistake as well. See, we both come from a middle class background, but he decided to live in the "hood" and become a criminal. He has the audacity to lecture me about how I don't "know about the streets" and I "had it easy" growing up, even though we come from the same economic situation. Idiocy like that makes me want to beat his ass, but I figured I would just have him erased. I learned absolutely nothing from him, and most of the memories of our "friendship" is of me being used. I figure that I would have this procedure done before I mame him for life. See, everyone wins!

The weeks around my father's death: I don't know if any of you had a self destructive episode in your life but I know I had. Right after my father's death I went into a emotional tailspin that probably should of killed me. I have talked about this before, but I was drinking hard liquor on a daily basis, smoking enough weed to keep the dope man happy, and I got into so many fights it seemed that I wanted somebody to take me out of my misery.(I actually remember knocking someone on his ass and saying to him "I wanted you to beat my ass, and you can't even do that right!") You know you are in a bad place when you wake up beside a bottle of liquor, and the first thing you do when you open your eyes is take a gigantic swig of said booze. That whole time in my life is simply a blur now, but I would have no problems erasing that entire episode from my memory. Wait!! But then again, keep this memory, because I can always know what "Rock bottom" feels like.

37 comments:

A FEW ex's would have to go. Most of what has passed for Hip-Hop since 1999, watching dudes buy coronas and putting grenadine in them (pussies!), and that time I drank all those drinks between 3 houses in Charles Village.

I think I would erase the pain that death causes as well and the pain that ex's caused. I think for the most part though I would erase the pain of but not the lessons learned cuz then I would just keep repeating them over and over and over again.

HC, something about that movie wanted me to blog something along the lines of what you did as well man. That movie and the one I just saw this weekend called "Final Cut" with Robin Williams both delve into erasing painful memories. At first, I posed the question to myself. What memories would I want erased?...and the list kept growing and growing, and before long it seemed redundant.

To quote a line from a movie called: Strange Days with Angela Bassett, her character argues with a guy named Nero who's tapped into a Squid unit that "allows" people to retain their memories on disc instead of forgetting them. The line was eloquent: "Memories are meant to fade. They're designed that way for a reason."

I have painful memories I would love to have erased man. But they've also made me the man that I am today, via the learning curve they provided. As usual, one of those posts that makes me say to you, you've done it again. Nice one.

I would definitely erase the 4/5 week relationship (and I use that term loosely) I had with this fuckknob named Paul. He sucked royally, in every sense of the word. The "relations" we had make me grimace 'til this day. That was the first (and final) time I lowered my expectations. *(insert shudder here)*

I'm one of those annoying regret nothing, learn from everything people so I wouldn't erase anything. I wouldn't even erase the pain I've felt in certain times.

It does look like you learned something from all of this though. Get a better screening process for potential girlfriends, don't let people use you, and stop listening to mainstream radio. See all that!? You learned a lot.

i have to agree with the last one. I was 13 when my dad died....he was in the hospital from two weeks before christmas to two weeks after....i would LOVE to erase all of that.....i think i'd erase that first....

I would like to forget the day that my mother fell to her knees at my brothers funeral, when she was walking up to the front. She dropped down and broke down......Gosh, that was painful. :/ Then again, I only want to forget that part....

There's so much I want to erase from my memory... I too believe that what doesn't kill us makes us stronger, but some of the things I've had to go through were just unnecessary!!! My list might be a little long, and you might get mad that I wrote a "post" in your comment section, so I'll leave it at that! :):)

Listen, I don't like 50 Cent since he went "Ja Rule" on us and I don't feel Cassidy, but I learned to respect most forms of music. I mean, what makes one thing better music than the other? Just because you contemplate life and rap on beats that people can't dance to don't make you don't make it true hip-hop. It makes it underground, but not necessarily good music.

What makes Doggystyle any less music than Illmatic? Nothing in my opinion. I used to think that it was only real music if it talked about being hard, keeping, it real, etc. Mainly stuff out of the east coast. The Neptunes and Outkast were a few of the people that made me change my opinion.

In fact, I think all this "keeping it real" nonsense is just another form of elitism. You try to keep is so damn real that it ends up being phony. I'm not just talking about 50, I'm talkin' 'bout Jay, Mob Deep, even Common for a little while. A few who have actually kept it real have been Kweli, Murs, Little Brother, Mos, and of course Kanye. They just keep it real by being them and doing music they like. That's no different than what these party rappers do. If it inspires people to think or dance, it's still all good to me.

I would love to erase a certain lover out of my memory. He was as addictive as crack! Some of the sweetest pain came from my relationship with him. He still tries to pop up every now and then. My memories of him should be wiped clean! Too bad they can't be, unless I receive a blow to the head or something....but that would suck.

I saw that movie too... and it made me ask myself the same thing... but I couldn't come up with anything.

I felt the same way after watching the Butterfly Effect... I don't think I'd erase anything from memory, or change anythign in my past, because I think I'm only the person I am now because of all the good and bad I've been through. And I daresay, even moreso for the bad. I think bad experiences teach you more than good ones do. *shrug* And I am happy to say I rather like the way I've turned out. =)

I would like to erase everytime I made a decision to drink, party and chase hoodrats when I could have been studying for school and getting my business in order. I wouldn't be stuck working two jobs now and taking away from time I wan to do other things.

HC, somethings definitevly need to be erased of our minds. Wouldn't it be great if we could erase bad expereriences? I also think that not all experiences are good cause you learn from them. Bull. There are quite a few I would prefer never to have gone through. By the way: do you inderstand portuguese? How did you read my blog?

I think I would erase the memory of all the people that have hurt and disappointed me in the past. I'm not talking about ex's, but friends. It hurts a lot more when they betray you or do something that really disappoints you.