What Not To Say To Your Girlfriend’s Parents

“Very nice to meet you. I pictured you way fatter than you really are.”

“Your daughter is safe with me. Unless I’m the one in the danger…then she might have to die.”

“I love your daughter very much. With a rack like that, who wouldn’t?”

“I would love a drink, thank you. I’m sure you know how exhausting it is to listen to your daughter all day.”

“All this talk about your daughter is making me horny. Just kidding. I was horny before we got here, but she took too long to get ready.”

“I saw a pig wearing that same dress at the zoo, Mrs. Johnson!”

“Mr. Jones, you look exactly like this guy I knew in college. He was a huge stoner and accidentally set himself on fire.”
“Funny story how we met, actually. We were hammered and about to have a three-way…”