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Friday, April 4, 2014

Success

Someone recently
asked the question on Facebook about what the definition of success was. I
replied that success was when other people asked for your opinion or advice. I
was referring to professional success. If someone values your viewpoint and
actively seeks your counsel, shouldn’t that point to how successful you’ve been
in that career? If you weren’t respected or knowledgeable, no one would care
what you thought or what you would do in his/her situation. They’d avoid you,
let you make your mistakes, and probably laugh at you behind your back (or even
in front of you depending on how sinister he/she was and how bad you were at
your job).

I’ve been
teaching for fifteen years. I feel pretty good about the work I do there every
cycle of 180 days. I see my students growing. I’ve examined the data. I make an
impact.

Now success on a
personal level is a whole other animal. I don’t know about anyone else, but I’m
my own worst critic. I rarely feel successful on a personal level. I doubt
myself constantly. I complete personal projects and wonder almost obsessively whether
or not I’ve just created an amazing masterpiece or an overflowing bucket of
crap. I have encounters with other humans then analyze those encounters from
every angle, worrying that I made the wrong impression, gave off an awkward
vibe, made a fool of myself… oh, the list goes on.

Can we say insecure?
Sure we can. Can we fix it?

Maybe. Though I’m
nearly forty years into my existence and I’ve felt this way since about age
ten. That’s three decades of self doubt. I’m going to need a damn big eraser to
clean that mess up. Perhaps I should just hit the backspace key and have myself
a do over.

Nah. That’s not the
answer.

The answer rests
in one word. Confidence. I sort of feel like Frodo Baggins and his crew. I’m on
a quest. I’m not looking to throw a ring into the fires of Mount Doom though. I
just want to find some confidence. Maybe I need a trip to the wizard in Oz. I’m
sure he’s got a jar full of confidence in his shop. It’s right before the jar
full of brains and after the jar full of courage. (C’mon, you know he’s got
that stuff organized alphabetically, you know, if he were a real wizard.)

At least I don’t
let this lack of confidence keep me from trying things. I try stuff. I just
automatically think I suck at whatever it is I’m trying. I set goals, but call
myself every degrading name in the book as I battle my own demons and try to
reach those goals.

I eventually
reach the goals.

I think.

Maybe.

Sometimes.

What about you?
Where do you think you’re successful? Where do you think you need a little (or
big) push?

6 comments:

Chris, you're not along in battling those self-demons, and I've been going at it waaaay more years than you have. :-) Lately, success for me on my day job is getting to the end of the day without blowing my stack at something, or someone. (It's "a bit" stressful.) As far as writing, success will be if I can finish my current WIP before the summer! (It was due March 31.) Sigh.

Chris. Take credit for being in there swinging! My greatest doubts in life happen in the mother, grandmother realm. The job was okay, but the only reward turned out to be the paycheck. My writing life. Priceless!

Chris: I could identify with your questioning your own work--don't we all do that? Or, perhaps a Danielle Steele or David Baldacci doesn't have to worry any more--they sell no matter what. Must be nice! Thanks for a thought-provoking blog. I'm changing my mantra to: confidence!

I think I'm in the minority. I rarely doubt my self-worth. I know what I'm good at and what I'm bad at, and I just avoid the things I don't do well. I live in Tahoe, and my daughters started skiing better than me when they were around age 8. I'm a horrible skier, so now I snowshoe with my dog in the nice quiet woods without the crowds. We're both a lot happier. I think life's all about trying things but sticking with the ones you're good at. And learning how to recognize the successes from the failures! Great post, Chris.

Ugh...I hate that I don't remember to read these posts every day. See, I'm unsuccessful at being on time for the Prose blogs. And I always get something out of them. Chris, I know what you mean, to a degree. We all have self-doubt. I realize that I have my strengths and weaknesses as a writer (Not to mention in other areas of my life), but I try not to beat myself up and be too self-critical. I'm always surprised at positive feedback on my stuff, yet not all that surprised at rejections and bad reviews. So, I'm sure that shows a lack of confidence. However, I think we need to spend more time building ourselves up than tearing ourselves down. I read somewhere one time that we should treat ourselves as kindly as we do our friends and family. (The ones we actually love and treat kindly, LOL). Rather than criticizing yourself, ask, 'would i say that to a friend' No, you wouldn't. You would encourage her and tell her how great she is and point out and insist she (or he) focus on the positives. Well, that's exactly how we should talk to ourselves. I'm not saying I do that all the time (or even very often), but I think it's something we should all try to do.I haven't thought of any new, spectacular ideas for Tues promo, so if you would, please continue to go to this link and add books to your wish list if you have not. I will start a new list before long for those whose books didn't make it to either.