Social networks tend to be perceived as channels, or as conduits that enable us to broadcast information in order to attract attention, and more often than not we may forget the key premise of social networking that Mari Smith’s book reminds us of: “People do business with people they know, like and trust.” So the whole point is: how do you get to be known from people, how to you get them to like you and how to you earn their trust? It’s all about building a relationship that matters to both parties. It’s precisely what “the new relationship marketing” is about.

Mainly targeting “a business person feeling the pressure to shift to using social media marketing to better understand the new soft skills required for success on the social web,” the book is also extremely reassuring and designed to overcome apprehension. The social web is not going to eat you up: anyone can carve up his piece of the always-on society on his own terms. After all, the operative word of the social web is ultimately conversation. Strike it when you want it and how you want it. It’s up to you to decide.

Like Erik Qualman in Digital Leader: 5 Simple Keys to Success and Influence, which I reviewed earlier this year, Mari Smith dispels the threat that social networks still signify to many people. You don’t need to turn into social media addicts to survive. You need to know what you want to accomplish and work at it in a consistent fashion — as well as leverage key real world social values, and traditional soft skills. High tech is ultimately high touch — i.e. the ability to communicate your core values, to structure the relationship circles that matter to you, and incrementally build on these relationships. Nobody is expected to become an influencer overnight, but it’s up to each of us to create the environment that enables us to create the flow (flow into is the latin root of influence) that others will want to join. In the end, to understand social media, try to forget about the Rolodex metaphor. It’s not so much about who you know as it is about who knows you!

This book is just as endearing as its author — enchanting by all accounts to use one of Guy Kawasaki’s favorite words.