The One with a House Warming

March 7, 2016

Over the weekend we filled our home with friends and laughter and food (and Fuller House). The menu was simple, the house was clean, and it was so lovely to be able to have our friends share in celebration with us. Scared or not, we’ve put down some roots in this unexpected city.

In the hours leading up to and following the house warming, I realized two big things about my natural reactions towards parties and hosting:

One: People over details, always and always. I woke up at 5:30 the morning of the party in complete panic about having enough drinks – I was certain we’d run out of orange juice or champagne. My sweet husband reminded me that running out of things is not a party killer because, duh, there are stores nearby and friends who are always willing to bring an item if needed. And he was right. We actually didn’t need more drinks, and I was a thousand times happier when I turned off the detail-panic and instead focused on enjoying my guests.

Two: I’m still about thirteen years old when it comes to party attendance. I am 100% okay with guests not being able to come and letting me know. But my “yes” people who are a no show completely crush my soul. I know it sounds extreme, and really it only lasts for a few dramatic days, but I am a woman consumed by non-attendance. This has not changed, apparently, because I specifically remember grieving this same thing at every major life event – high school graduation, birthday parties, my wedding. All happy occasions overshadowed by who was missing. As someone who firmly falls into the love language category of “quality time”, non-attendance makes me feel unimportant and unloved. And I’m just going out on a limb here and hoping I’m not alone in this one, fellow quality-timers, but it’s so difficult for me to not jump straight from people not showing up to people not caring. My brain immediately reacts defensively, creating walls where there should be grace and understanding. Because the hard truth is that we’re all doing the best we can, and that not everyone has the same scars as I do or feels the same way. To my friends who can throw a party and enjoy every single aspect of it, I salute you! I hope to adopt more of your style. Right now I’m at the space where nerves exist and party feelings get hurt and I have to use a lot of grace talk to work past it.

So there you go, friends. If you’re insanely attached to attendance and inclined towards appetizer induced anxiety, my tips on how to have the perfect housewarming are to calm down and don’t be like me. Enjoy your sweet guests, be thankful for who is there and completely forget about who wasn’t. Root your worth in being known and loved, and don’t equate not showing up with not caring or loving. Pour yourself a glass of bubbly and go brag about your closets. ((but no one needs more kitchen brags, because really, that masterpiece speaks for itself))