One more interracial ridicule: Confusion

Posted by James, 08 Aug 08

Today, while walking on the streets minding by own business – or not ;-) – a black woman walked by hand in hand with this white guy. Cute interracial couple I thought – up until my thoughts were rudely interrupted by some hot black guys comment. “This is the height of all mothers of confusion. Have you seen that dark chick with the white dude? She is so black. We blacks are racists … against our own.᾿

I got to wonder who those accusations were being directed to. Her for dating a white guy? Well I think more towards him for ridiculing a black woman glowing in interracial love.

47 responses to "One more interracial ridicule: Confusion"

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I can understand where everyone is coming from. I have just decided to join an interracial dating site for the very first time. I'm testing the waters though and want to get a feel for it. I have been on quite a view and i'm hoping this will be my last.

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If black men can date/marry women of other nationalities, why not us black women dating/marrying outside our race? There should be no confusion; the answer is crystal clear! It's that old double standard. You love who (choose to) love, period. If no one likes it, oh well!

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Some people prefer blondes, others like brunettes, some folk prefer tall people or short, curvy or slim, black, asian or white. Can't we just live and let live, or are we so bored that we have nothing better to do with our time than criticise the choices of others!

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tatted2death, you said something soooo simple but profound. . . ."It is NOT always important to agree 100% with everything someone else says…." . .. or does! This is something you can apply to anything, even politics. And that's where it is never applied. But of we all want agreement with everything we say but can disagree with someone else. My lifestyle is pretty much the same as astrogeek. I am a black conservative, married with two kids in home. I admit, I do have one out of wedlock. But I didn't abandon him. Every chance I got, I went to see him, took him with me and brought him back home. I help support him every month(although helping a family member out proved to be a huge mistake which interrupted that process and admit another big mistake)until he turned 18. We still talk to each other and get together whenever he's not busy(in university at this point). I just mentioned this cause things haven't been roses for me either. My father left my mom when I was only 6. When we were together, I thought things were just wonderful! Mom and pop there together. I thought it was the greatest thing in the world. He helped my mother with us when he got off from work, washing dirty diapers and feeding and clothing us. But when they split, all that ended. And it seemed everything went to hell. All relationships she had with men after that, I can't even repeat online what I truly think about 'em. The last marriage she had, the devil had to have been in the midst every day. And not all of it was over them. Some of it was about us. BTW, her first four children were multi-racial, from high yellow to reddish brown to cocoa brown. You might be able to see the rest of what I'm saying just from that alone. This was all while she was married to this black man she met coming to California. I don't know what rock he crawled from under but I wished many days he would have crawled back under it and left us the hell alone. Years later after I became an adult, she told me that there was a white man who wanted to be with her. She said he had the means to provide for her and she would never want for a thing. He genuinely liked her, she was very attractive. And maybe that was her downfall. So, consequently, she turned him down because she said, "the only thing a white man can do for me is point me to a black man". And at the thought of this I just wondered, did he point her in the wrong direction on purpose??? I know this sounds a little sacreligeous coming from a son but what would my life have been had she chose to be with this man? Are we so stuck on color that it makes our lives miserable contiuously? ...and even those of our children? I'm thinking more and more each day it's better to be without some family and friends and be satisfied, content, happy and productive than to live the same joke we see over again in many parts of America we call the HOOD! Hey, if you just happen to meet a white woman/man or black man/woman and your union works, then my friends I say go with it. We've got one life to live and I feel like my mom's was mostly wasted on men who were not worthy to have her. For whatever reason theirs was, legitimate or not, it was no excuse to destroy ours.

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people should have the right too be with whoever they choose,be it black,white,orange,green or bright pink... i date men who treat me right,regardless of colour,if he behaves like an ignorant fool then he hits the kerb. too much hate in the world as it is.

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Men, Women, Black, White or other... I think that there are ignorant people of both sexes an every race that are going to Stare and make stupid comments... I usually date black men and my sister makes ignorant coments about "Those people.." I get angry, but have to remember that Stupid people don't know that they are stupid! Realistically an open minded person is bound to find True Happiness before a closeminded person does! I don't care if I need to date a purple or green man as long as they make me happy! So let people stare an act a fool, at the end of the day I'm still happy with who I am!

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To all the women attacking astrogeek:
Am I missing something here? If you have a problem with a black man being with a white woman, what the heck are you doing on this interracial dating site?
People have a right to be with whomever they want. There's only one race, the human race.

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Hey Astrogeek
I know you're tired of this post, but check it one more time. I longed for the type of guy you are. The intelligent,practical black man, but more importantly MAN. I'm now 31 years old and I received teasing for wanting to be educated and choosing to think out of the box and I'm still doing it. My message to you good brother is that you were right and those who did not see your worth were wrong. Choose the person that fits you and your life goals and dreams, someone who is on the same page as you, regardless of color. There are black women out there that would love you man. Keep your chin up!

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Natanya,
My comments were general. This one is to you. I think you are correct Black men who marry White women do so on purpose. You can't accidentally marry a White woman. However, I don't think all Black men who marry White women do so, because we think that there are no good Black women. Sometimes it happens because people are people and put in certain situations with Whites, Hispanics or any other group of people, they meet, date and marry. I live in Idaho which has a Black population of less than 1%. I like the different seasons, the outdoors lifestyle and the fact that I can afford and own more house for less money here. Over the years three Black women I dated decided they didn't like Idaho and either decided not to move here, or were here and left. One even promised to come here, but she never arrived and I never saw her or my $750 airplane ticket money again. Celibacy isn't one of my strong suits. Like I said in my last e-mail, I accept what I've done. However, I'm not going to make another mistake, because things aren't going well. I will do whatever I have to short of leaving my kids. My children will be raised with their father living in the same house. Make no mistake, I know what I'm saying is by no stretch of the imagination noble. Now a couple of questions for you. How would you treat a brotha interested in you, if his bank account was non-existent? Would you date him when he was just at the dream stage of his goals, even if displayed a work ethic that showed he could possibly attain his dreams and goals someday?

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Astrogeek,
<<>>
Why should we as Blacks be more color blind than any other race? I am not prejudiced but we as Blacks have suffered more injustice than any other race, so why would that make us color blind?
Regarding the Black women you say complain about the lack of good Black men. Did you not realize that Asian women, Latino women, WHITE women and women of all nationalities say that. So, why did you not mention them? Also, you must remember, there is INDEED and has been proven that HUGE NUMBERS of Black men are in prison - so that does make the dating pool of good Black men shrink quite a bit.
And on top of that, there are more educated Black women than men and a lot of men ARE intimidated by a woman's success and make assumptions about an educated, successful woman before even getting her name.
Plus, more Black men dog us than we do them. That majority of my girlfriends are Black, and we don't sit around talking about how horrible Black men are. We have better things to do when we get together. However, I do know of Black men who dog us every opportunity they get - AND THEY DO THIS TO WHITE WOMEN OR MEN.
I am one who dates Black men as well as white and Latino. I love Black men and I am proud to be a Black woman. Not one time, and I mean, NOT ONE SINGLE TIME have I ever put Black men down in front of someone who is not Black.
The reality of it is there are more Black men who are dating outside of our race than women. Oh, we're catching up because we know, contrary to "so-called" popular belief, we are very desirable and men from other ethnicities are indeed interested in not only dating us, but marrying us.
My question to you is, where were you meeting the Black women you dated? I find it hard to believe that you couldn't find one good Black woman who accepted you for who you were. There are more available Black women than men, so where were you looking?

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A
This is an online forum. You are SHARING your business with millions of strangers. You are forcing us to read about it. You even keep posting more messages about it.
You are just angry because someone has pointed out that you CHOOSE a white woman over a black woman. You are not color blind- like many black men, you prefer a white woman to marry than a black one. It saddens me that you won't admit to this. Long long posts describing how you are a "good black man" unable to find a single "good black woman" worthy of marriage. You are a stereotype.
And, by the way, I date white men so if you were refering to me you are wrong about prejudice.
lol

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Astrogeek,
This is an online forum. You are SHARING your business with millions of strangers. You are forcing us to read about it. You even keep posting more messages about it.
You are just angry because someone has pointed out that you CHOOSE a white woman over a black woman. You are not color blind- like many black men, you prefer a white woman to marry than a black one. It saddens me that you won't admit to this. Long long posts describing how you are a "good black man" unable to find a single "good black woman" worthy of marriage. You are a stereotype.
And, by the way, I date white men so if you were refering to me you are wrong about prejudice.
lol

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Guys, Ladies....
I'm tired of this post. Do not lecture me on who I could have married. It's NONE of your business. I certainly don't need your permission or blessing to marry anyone, black, white, or whoever. You very reply speaks to your prejudice as a person. We as blacks should be more color blind than any other race in America. It saddens me that this is not the case.

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Kahawk,
My comments were directed to Astrogeek.
I don't know if you are replying in general or to me in particular.
But, if you are replying to me- the situation is the same. There are tons of good black women who you could have married. You choose to marry a white woman instead.
Perhaps because of the way you were treated by blacks you may have some animosity towards African American females.
Nothing against interracial relationships-just shocked by some of the generalizations that you all make about black women.

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People please listen to your hearts because in the long run love will win out. I am a African-American Jew who really has seen the problems with dating not only outside one's race but one's faith as well.
I have had African-American women put me down because I did not know Jesus! I do not drink, fool around, use drugs, never been in prison, etc, etc. I was none of the typecast black males society states that is the norm for black males!
However, the sisters put me through the ringer. I love women of color who are so full of life and will always continue to do so.
Enoch

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I don't disagree with anything you mention. However, I'm a little older than you I think. I grew up when black women wanted brothas who looked like Billy Dee Williams or one of the Jackson 5. Because I'm a dark skinned brotha I was teased relentlessly, from the time I entered school until college. If I answered a question in class the Black kids would tease, "You should know the answer, you're Black enough". If I scored a basket, hit a ball and made a tackle, it was the same thing, "you should be able to do this or that, you're Black enough". When James Brown came out with "Say it loud I'm Black and I'm proud", I was told I was too Black to be proud. I was told on more than one occasion by sistas, I was too nice. Sorry, my Mama taught me to respect women and treat them nice. So, I had a goal of going to college and not to jail, I was told that I wasn't a soul brotha. Because of a knee injury I didn't get my shot at the NFL. I wanted nothing more than to have a Black woman at my side. I waited until I was in my 40's to get married looking for my Black Queen. The last Black woman I was interested in claimed that she needed a man that had as much money in the bank as she did (looking back it really wasn't that much, but more than I had). She didn't consider how well her and I got along and more importantly how well her daughter and I got along. There was only one woman who saw my potential and not my bank account. Contrary to popular belief, men have inner clocks inside them also. I had to find someone to settle down with. Now I have a little bit of a bank account. Yes I'm sad none of the Black women I got involved with could understand that my plan was a long and steady one, a lasting one. The biggest dis-service is we as a people have bought into the illusion that if it doesn't come instantly it'll never will come. My wife and I have built a life slowly but it's a stable one. I get to spend a lot of time with my boys. While my wife is working during the summer we hang-out and I teach them about life. We're like Plato and his students. I'm not crying a river here. I married a White woman and things are okay. However, the relationship is way too hard to maintain, but I'll not allow my boys to grow-up without a father like I did. So, I'll accept the responsibility of my actions, like my grandfather did.

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ASTROGEEK-
How can you not see that you are proving our point? You state that you are a good man and I believe you. YOU SELECTED A WHITE WOMAN TO MARRRY! Don't you see that black woman state that the few good black men do not marry black women? I agree that there are educated, attractive men of African descent who would make good husbands but, LIKE YOU, virtually all of them decide to marry non-Black women....

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The romantic aspects of Black/White dating or marriage aside, there's what's real. Where I live there are a lot of White women with Black children from Black/White relationships. There are two things that often occur. But before I get into that there seems to be White women who are what Black folk call "wanna be" meaning they want to be, act and think black. Then there are the White women who are just being who they are and happen to fall in love or have sex with a Black man and produce a child. Now getting back to what's real, in both cases, if the Black man doesn't stay around and become an important part of the child's life, the White woman is left alone. Most of the time she has little to no idea of what her black/white child is going to go through in this society. This White loving mom has very little knowledge of Black history to help empower her black/white child. She doesn't even realize that this country doesn't see her child as Black/White. This country sees her child as another Black child. In fact life for a Black/White child can oftentimes be worst if the child is a boy. There are no known advantages for being half White! At some point this White woman will want a relationship with another man. Here's what I've seen. If she gets involved with a White man, he also will have no idea of what it's like to be a Black boy (I say boy because Black/White girls tend to have an easier time with the whole of society. They do however have to deal with Black woman who for whatever reason don't like Black/White girls, especially if they're pretty). In any case the Black/White boy gets confused by society's reaction towards him. The White mom and the new White boyfriend or husband get frustrated by the actions of a Black/White son. They don't understand and the child doesn't understand and life gets rough for the young brotha. My boys White mother loves them, but to this day she hasn't picked up a book about raising a Black child or what Black men go through in this society and my two boys are 10 & 12 years old. Her family hasn't tried to understand me, but I'm expected to understand the White way. (I don't know where the following fits but I'm sticking in here because it's important) I've known Black men and Black women who really believe that because they have married someone who is White, they have somehow elevated themselves up the social ladder. I don't see the same attitude when a Black man or Black man marries an Asian or Mexican or someone else of color. Interesting. (Okay I've gotten that off my chest) The point I'm trying to make is there is a lot more to consider when people with different hue decide to date and eventually marry. Hormones aside, it's tough. The truth of the matter is this. There are very few White people willing to work at understanding Black people, especially White men. They rarely understand that love is not enough when it comes to loving someone with different skin color and it's damn difficult for Black people to raising a Black child, let a lone White people who won't research, learn and talk heart to heart with theirs or the person they are dating Black/White child. Don't date or marry anyone who won't learn about your culture. Sadly, skin color still matters. For people in two color and two culture relationships to pretend that it doesn't is just irresponsible. I don't mean to paint a bleak picture, I'm just saying that these relationships take more communication and hard work than a relationship involving people with the same color skin and the same cultural ways. Just for the record, there's only one race of people. We're called the human race. We have different skin colors and cultural ways, but we're all one type of human, therefore the terms "interracial" or "different races" are inaccurate.

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..I REALLY applaud you ASTROGEEK....(although I recognize that you are the sort that is not doing what you do for any sort of kudos here).
I applaud you as you are a self proclaimed "black man"....as a man.....as a human being....PERIOD.
There are too many people roaming this earth with no clue that they are perpetually causing their own problems.....leading to their own "sad ending". They allow their pasts to hinder their futures; not even giving themselves a chance to feel and treasure the NOW.
Your post was outstanding in that it was sooo balanced in it's view.....looking at things from all sides....VERY FEW of us do this; yet it is essential for their to be any progress in the right direction. It is NOT always important to agree 100% with everything someone else says....rather just open your mind and heart for the moment and see through someone else's eyes.....I think this is the KEY.
So many people are walking around with so much entitlement in their hearts yet not enough responsibility.... Responsibility for what they do AND say; especially in their OWN lives. Your experience is YOUR experience and nothing else; it is just about the only thing that makes you unique. You might be able to relate to a person but you will NEVER know exactly what it is like to walk in their shoes. This is what makes it such a wonderful and rewarding challenge to see all sides of an issue..."KNOWING" is not necessarily all that important; "RELATING/FEELING" IS very important.
That being said it is obvious that you and your son WILL be just GREAT, ASTROGEEK....and hopefully the numbers aren't as few as some would have us believe. ALL RESPONSIBLE HUMANS STAND UP AND BE ACCOUNTED FOR...encourage each other and try and reach out to some others that may be a bit misguided when it comes to this....it can't hurt.
Peace and Blessings
tatted2death

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I disagree with your assertion that black men just abandon their children if they are from white women. I'm a 37yr black, conservative male that's a Christian, a soldier in the Army Reserves, and computer analyst working for working for the Army. I'm also, a widower. I love my son dearly and would never consider giving him up for adoption or pawning him off to another relative to raise. So, let get to heart of what's wrong with black America. It's the family or in our case "lack" of family. It just so happened that I went to a party met this wonderful woman, dated her and asked her to marry me. She was just white. Now I came from about as dysfunctional home as you can find in America today. My father did not raise me. My mom died when I was 2yrs old. I was raised by her brother who was a controlling, abusive, and hateful person. The only reason I see my father today is so he can see his grandson. I was determined not to have that same experience for my family if I ever had one. I can't tell you if the problem is ultra-liberal black women with their sense of entitlement, or black men with their total lack of respect for women in general. As for me I serve God, my family, and my country. It's worked out for me so far.
I've already made it a point of explaining to my son how different he is from other children and what he will face as he grows up (he's 7, btw). His chief advantage will be his intelligence and the fact that he has a Dad that loves him. I can do for him what my family didn't do for me. Which is love him and guide him to "manhood"! I didn't say "black manhood". I said manhood. It just so happens that I am black. Most of the problems in black America are our fault. We as blacks used to have some rhythm in this country. I feel we've lost that and our sense of identity as a people. We don't stand for anything; we produce junk (for the most part) in our society, and are vote is for sale to the politician who can promise us the most "goodies". And, don’t get me started on our so called “Black Leaders”….
Having stable families in Black America is vital to our longevity. For all of the hardships we as blacks have faced having stable families were our saving grace. Not anymore. I was married for 8yrs. Eight years, people! You can’t count on one hand the number of people you know that have been married past 5 yrs and who are under 40yrs old. Try it sometime. You have to search long and hard to find good, decent role models for black men and women today. It's sad when it is the exception to find a black man that "has not" been in trouble with the law. Speaking of that; we don't respect the law either. Whatever happened to getting a good education and getting into a position to change things for the better for "us" as blacks? Wait...We don't respect education or are patient enough to enact real change either; for ourselves or for our children. Wait; we don't have real families because we abandon our children, and beat on our spouses. Vicious little circle we got going these days… I guess if you are a black man in America you’re just screwed *snort*.
FYI, my son and I will be just fine. He will grow-up to be a fine young man that loves life and enjoys people. Why, because he has a Dad that gives a damn about his well being and that loves him.

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The romantic aspects of Black/White dating or marriage aside, there's what's real. Where I live there are a lot of White women with Black children from Black/White relationships. There are two things that often occur. But before I get into that there seems to be White women who are what Black folk call "wanna be" meaning they want to be, act and think black. Then there are the White women who are just being who they are and happen to fall in love or have sex with a Black man and produce a child. Now getting back to what's real, in both cases, if the Black man doesn't stay around and become an important part of the child's life, the White woman is left alone. Most of the time she has little to no idea of what her black/white child is going to go through in this society. This White loving mom has very little knowledge of Black history to help empower her black/white child. She doesn't even realize that this country doesn't see her child as Black/White. This country sees her child as another Black child. In fact life for a Black/White child can oftentimes be worst if the child is a boy. There are no known advantages for being half White!
At some point this White woman will want a relationship with another man. Here's what I've seen. If she gets involved with a White man, he also will have no idea of what it's like to be a Black boy (I say boy because Black/White girls tend to have an easier time with the whole of society. They do however have to deal with Black woman who for whatever reason don't like Black/White girls, especially if they're pretty). In any case the Black/White boy gets confused by society's reaction towards him. The White mom and the new White boyfriend or husband get frustrated by the actions of a Black/White son. They don't understand and the child doesn't understand and life gets rough for the young brotha. My boys White mother loves them, but to this day she hasn't picked up a book about raising a Black child or what Black men go through in this society and my two boys are 10 & 12 years old. Her family hasn't tried to understand me, but I'm expected to understand the White way.
(I don't know where the following fits but I'm sticking in here because it's important)
I've known Black men and Black women who really believe that because they have married someone who is White, they have somehow elevated themselves up the social ladder. I don't see the same attitude when a Black man or Black man marries an Asian or Mexican or someone else of color. Interesting.
(Okay I've gotten that off my chest)
The point I'm trying to make is there is a lot more to consider when people with different hue decide to date and eventually marry. Hormones aside, it's tough. The truth of the matter is this. There are very few White people willing to work at understanding Black people, especially White men. They rarely understand that love is not enough when it comes to loving someone with different skin color and it's damn difficult for Black people to raising a Black child, let a lone White people who won't research, learn and talk heart to heart with theirs or the person they are dating Black/White child. Don't date or marry anyone who won't learn about your culture.
Sadly, skin color still matters. For people in two color and two culture relationships to pretend that it doesn't is just irresponsible. I don't mean to paint a bleak picture, I'm just saying that these relationships take more communication and hard work than a relationship involving people with the same color skin and the same cultural ways.
Just for the record, there's only one race of people. We're called the human race. We have different skin colors and cultural ways, but we're all one type of human, therefore the terms "interracial" or "different races" are inaccurate.

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Sadly that sort of comment does not surprise me at all. I've noticed that while Black men embrace one another dating outside of our race, they become bitter and angry when we do it.
In the past, I have actually had Black men try to pull me away from my white partner and I promptly had to lay him out for disrespecting not only me but my partner.
I attribute the comment about the hue of her skin to the deeper issues we have in our community. Sad, but definitely true.

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Thanks Trawn, for speaking up for blackmen in general. I was married 8yrs to a white woman. She passed away last year. I loved that woman to death. We have a 7yr old son together. Frankly, I've had more hateful looks from blackwomen, especially a frown or disapproving looks toward my son. I've dated both black and white women. It just happened to be a white woman that won my heart. I personally get fed up with listening to black women complain about the lack of "good black men" out there. Ladies, I don't care who you date. I don't see skin color when I date. I see a woman that's interested in being with me. For some odd reason that seems to be more of a problem with blackwomen than with any other race. It's like everything wrong in America can be laid at the feet of "blackmen". Personally, I'm tired of that, too. I've joined the Army and still serve. I've went to college, and I have a great job. Why is it that you only hear about the 10 percent of people screwing things up? I've never lived in the hood or even seen a jail cell. Yet, after reading the comments on this page I'm the problem. If someone has a problem with who you are with then it their problem. I would appreciate it if there was a little less generalization here.

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I guess I am not too surprised at those types of comments. Especially black people making negative comments about darker skinned blacks. Black people have some really messed up psychological color issues. I know where they stem from, but when will we be over it. I don't get why if a black man notices a dark skin black woman with a guy of another race, why he needs to say anything if he is not even attracted to dark skin women. It just sounds hateful. Black people don't need to say another word about white people being racist until we can get over being ignorant and racist towards other dark skinned blacks. I am not dark, but I think all shades of black or beautiful.
As far as me caring about what black men have to say about me dating white guys, I could care less. I love dating outside of my race.

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Trawn and Alan have pretty much summed up my thoughts already. We need to stop generalizing everyone simply because a few oddballs can't keep an open mind.
Personally, I'm tired of all of this debate surrounding interracial relationships. I'm tired of people trying to place blame, make excuses, or justify the situation. I know that it's not always easy to share a relationship with another person outside of your race. At the same time, however, if we would simply focus on the actual experience of being with that person we have made a choice to be with, rather than defending it, things might be a lot less irritating.

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I have dated women of color my whole life. I have dealt with ignorance of white and black individuals that cant keep attention to there own life's. I grew up in Cleveland Ohio . ! thing that sets me on fire nd will cause me to need bail money and a good attorney is some one calling me a N______r lover. Luckily the coward that have shouted this to me in the past have kept going on the car while i was walking. People dont know who it is they are come up to when they start the stupidity it maybe they last stupidity they spew.

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I have to agree with Trawn. I'm a white male but whilst reading down the postings from various people i couldn't help but think how every black man in the world was getting blamed for one narrow minded individuals comments. Surely no sane person thinks that is fair? Lets face it people, there are good and bad in every race. And if you are in a black/white relationship the unfortunate fact is that occasionally you will experience hostility. From either/both sides. But i truly believe there are more good people than bad people in every race. I want to focus on those guys. The bad ones can go to h***.

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While it was my intent to write concerning this guy’s comments regarding his state of confusion, I found myself drawn more to comment on the negative comments made concerning Black Men in general because of his comments. It’s amazing how quickly the comments of one guy became a referendum on all Black Men. In this case, the dissatisfaction toward one person’s comments quickly revealed many of our hangs up as individuals regarding some related and broader issues to include my own. I date in and outside of my race and have just about heard it all from all. In “some᾿ of the comments, I hear a lot of anger toward Black Men that may have developed from other negative experiences. One young lady even gives a (un-intended I’m sure) negative on Black Men suggesting that she does not belong to Black Men. I would have just figured she does not belong to any Man regardless of color to include the wonderful White Man she is dating at this time. I have two teenage sons I must raise and I want to believe they will be accepted by Women in and outside of their race based on their own merit, not because the color of their skin or blanket negative comments that seem to be coming against Black Men on every turn because of the actions of a small few. Many of us have decided in some form or fashion to open the door of possibilities to find love, excitement and fun. We need to ask ourselves, why we really here? Certainly it’s not to bash one group and praise another. Most of are looking for positive interactions that are rewarding and enlightening. What we all should be able to agree on is we should never allow a “person’s᾿ comments to steal our joy and keep us from pursuing our individual desires and objectives even for a moment. Bottom line, this guy’s comments while closed minded are not reflective of all Black Men and is more revealing in explaining his confusion than that of Black Men in general. We all should be mindful, that his views are commonly reflected within our society and are common in all races and genders even among some that frequent this dating cite and seek to date outside of their own race.

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Sometimes people can be real stupid. I've delt with this many times in my pass. All throughout my freshmen year in high school I was constantly told that I was showing disrespect to my "black brothers" for dating a white man. It never angered me, it just made me sad to see that we are still after all these years not able to see pass color and just see the person. I hope that one day it won't turn heads to see interracial couples, and that soociety will just accept them as people in love. Hopefully this happens before my son gets old enough to date!

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Isn't that funny? Nobody thinks to make an issue for a Black man to date or marry awoman outside of his race, but when a Black woman dates or marries a White man or any other nationality, the Black men want to make a federal case out of it. I just don't get it! All that should matter is the people who are in love and how they treat one another, whether their interracial or not.
It's really a shame. I don't know about the other cultures, but I am sick of the discrimination within my Black brothers and sisters. The young lady was obviously happy, in love with someone who loves her. Those ignorant morons who made those negative comments are nothing more than pathetic haters and got their own issues they need to deal with! People love who they love.

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Back in the 70s my older sister used to babysit for the jazz composer/writer/musician Gil Evans (who worked for and with Miles Davis) and his wife. Gil at that time was a "skinny white dude" and Mrs. Evans was a very beautiful, very big, black woman with a smile as wide as a house; they had very nice kids. They were both so caught up in music I think they never knew what time it was or what color anybody was or even what month it was. Thirty years later we're all still struggling with race but the Evans were miles ahead of us; they seemed like the most oblivious people we ever met.

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this some somewhat of a new cocncept fro me because i truely didn't see race,so for me growing up in a black family but living in a white neighborhood and schools helped that along...all my family dating and married within the race except me,i didn't get flack but they all expected me to married outside the race..what i have experienced is the division within my race,there is still this the lighter the better mentality even in my family some is subconcious some NOT.That desturbs me more than dating another race,if we're still making differences within our own.

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Interesting. When I've dated black women the vocal comments I've gotten from black guys on the street have been more along the lines of, "You are one lucky man," or a friendly, "That's what I'm talkin' about, right there!" It's been vocal, but positive.
The negative vibes have mostly come from SOME white women friends of mine who look askance, curl a lip, roll their eyes, look away, or give my date the cold shoulder.
But, I agree with Ids, let them stare if they can't relate, but keep their ugly comments to themselves.

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I believe God selects certain people at times to have a sexual desire to mate with someone outside their ethnicity. It is to teach and establish unity and beauty of love in all the nations. Also to affect the minds of the closed minded people around them.

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I've only encountered a situation where a black man has made a comment loud enough for me to hear it. He asked how could I be with that white dude and I aksed him what was the alternative, sitting home alone or him? I think someone earlier mentioned how black men comment on how jealous black women are when they date white women, they need to take a look in the mirrow. And just maybe they would realize it's not about them. It's about what makes me happy and the color of a person's skin just isn't going to stop me from being happy and pursuing my dreams of a family. The stares don't even bother me. I could truly care less.

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I've dated Caucasian and Asian men and I've never experienced openly rude comments from anyone, just stares. However, I'm sick and tired of of folks within the Black race discriminating and even ridiculing dark-skinned women. I'm glad that men of other races can appreciate the beauty that sometimes our own BM reject.
And if anyone ever walks up to my date and me with those nasty comments...I'm ready to rumble! LOL

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What is even more disgusting is their comment about her being dark-skinned like it was something that was ugly. I find that utterley despicable. That girl was fortunate to find someone that loved and respected her and treated her like the queen that she is. Those so called "Hot" black guys probably treat their own women like dirt and obviously have no class or home training to state such an feral comment.

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I have heard it from both sides, white and black men,even women. We need to mind our business and leave those individuals alone who want to date out of their race. Love has no color or emotions. I look at interacial couples and admire them, wish them luck, because it takes a strong man and woman to walk with confidence against so much adversity. Good luck to all of us.

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nomedoo, I get that from white men who say that about me because I've been with black men. It helps me to see that even though they will give you the line "some of my best friends are black" they are truly racist if they think I am poisoned because of my decisions. I had one man even compare dating out of my race to cats and dogs mating. Those are the type of people who I am actually glad make their true feelings known, so I can make the educated decision not to associate with them. I can try to educate them, but usually I give up because most won't listen long enough to see my points. Also people who say we are all the same on the inside don't get it either. We are the sum of our experiences and even though I lived through alot, I can never say I know what it is like to live in your skin and have lived your experiences. Racism is alive and well in America, and as women who choose to date out of our races, we will continue to see it where others don't believe it.

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I've encountered that sort of man before myself and it never stops amazing me that people are like that. I would never think it was okay to loudly, publicly, voice my opinion on a matter that does not concern me. I agree that it was probably motivated by jealousy but still... It takes a special kind of arrogance to think your opinion is so important and so valid that it can be vocalized in that manner.

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I've had 2 1/2 decades of dating white men and a marriage to one. And I have always encountered a black man who loudly expresses his disagreement with my choice. I've also dated a black man, who stated he didn't want to be with me because I had been with white men. I always read about black men saying how jealous black women are when they are with white women. Personally, I'm not concerned about other people's preferences just my own. And, I think that brotha was jealous.

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Wow, that is something. So, it's ok for a brotha to be in love with/date/marry a woman from another race....and not only that, but for US to be ok with it, and he flips if a sista dates/is in love with/marries out?! That's crazy. I do not belong to a black man and I am not obligated to "keep it in the race" for the sake of the "people". I am soooo sick of that crap. I am in Kansas and have been dating this wonderful white guy and we haven't gotten any opposition...YET. Just looks, but we don't care. I really don't give a damn. If anything, they want what we have lol.
If interracial dating is confusion for a black woman, those brothas need to check their colleagues for dating out....because they are confused too!

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I think it's got to be their own insecurity. Some how a black woman with a man from another race is threatening to them. It's not just black men though but I think they are more vocal about it. I agree with breeze it would be nice if we could get to the point where we stopped looking at one another as "other".

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Well living in NYC, there is a lot of bigotry, but from what I have seen the most bigoted (or at least openly since a lot of people are bigoted, but they keep it to themselves) people in New York are black men. They see no problem calling someone a "faggot" "cracker" or whatever as if it were their right to be a scumbag. You would think with all the bigotry they say they have gone through, they would be the last people to be bigoted since they know what it feels like. Big time hypocrites. I never say anything when a white woman is with a black man. It's their choice to be together, yet black man cannot shut up whenever I've dated a black or hispanic woman. They need to stop their idiocy and learn how to respect people if they want respect.

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I hope the someday, this issue will part of the past issues. You would think by now, that people would have grown up. The only thing I think is important is how two people treat eachother, and that they respect eachother. I really have learned as I have walked this so called life, all that is important is how you treat eachother, and if you can find that one perons that just gets you You have found the best gift in life.