There’s one huge problem about having Frederick Douglas as president: the consumption of human brains is not exactly legal.

Don’t know the difference between red and green? I have only one thing to say about that: “If the ladies don’t find you handsome, at least they should find you handy!”

When the robots take over the world, they’re not going to try to kill us all or enslave us like they do in The Terminator, The Matrix, or The Age of Ultron. They’re going to keep us around so they can laugh at us. “THIS HUMAN IS ABOUT TO MAKE A PHOTOCOPY! WATCH THIS! *Paper Jam!* HA HA HA!” “THIS HUMAN IS TRYING TO ACCESS THE INTERNET! *404!* THAT NEVER GETS OLD!”

our cars are so small over here because our roads are based on the old tracks that Alf the Herder of Goats used to get his flocks to market, not built with the system in mind that American city planning has

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