How do you get back to yourself after having a baby?

[deleted account]
(
10 moms have responded
)

I have never been a small girl, but I did take care of myself and went to the gym before I got pregnant. Before I got pregnant I had all this umph to go to the gym for two hours, do my hair, and dressed in a way that I felt confidant in. Now I have a seventeen month old daughter. I gained seventy one pounds while pregnant and at four months was told that I could only stand for an hour at one time period. It has been almost a year and a half now and I still can not find that woman that I was before getting pregnant. I have not lost but thirty pounds of what I gained. I am so terrified that my daughter is going to be embarressed by me but I still can't seem to find the time or the will to do lose the weight or the confidence to make myself feel attractive again. Does anyone have any words of advice or something to help me?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Carolee - posted on 10/17/2009

21,950

17

585

I weigh 235 pounds... and that's only 3 pounds heavier than my pre-pregnancy weight. Years ago, I went on the Depo shot, and gained almost 100 pounds (hence why I'm so heavy). I still manage to feel beautiful, though. My fiance tells me every day that I'm gorgeous. Do you know why? Because I'm confident. I look as good as my baggy ass can look! That's as much as you can do. Look as good as YOU can. Don't compare yourself to others, it only leads to disappointment. And, yes... people do comment about my weight. I do get stares when I go out sometimes. But nobody thinks I'm as heavy as I truly am because I know what outfits best fit my body. Now, you will probably not be able to wear what you wore pre-pregnancy (most people can't), but, if you find a certain cut of pants or a type of shirt that looks great on you, it can do wonders. Just KNOW that you are beautiful and desireable! (And it took me a long time to believe in myself... just be patient.)

10 Comments

I still rock the maternity outfits! Most styles around where I live are very much like what I had when I was pregnant, so I still wear them. They don't look bad, either... people always ask me if I've lost weight because I look so good.

Have you ever thought that you might be a little depressed about what having the baby did to your body? Just something for to look into because if that is the case then maybe you might need some help. I was in the same spot and I went and got on natural herbs to help me with my issues. I was really, really depressed and I went to a therapist and I still go. I talk out my issues and she just helps me alot. But I got on a herb called Same( pronounced sammy) It is a positive mood enhancer and it really helped. You can look this up online and the Dr. to look up is Dr. Mona Lisa Schultz. She was the one who basically started the study of Same and her patients and noticed that it helped alot with no side effects. The new one is 5HPT I hear it is even better even helps with appetite suppression. But of course don't ry any of these without consulting a actual Herb Dr. a homeopathic Dr. Not your regular doctor because they will use a chemical. But that is your choice on what you prefer to do. I chose the natural way because I wanted to make sure that it was me getting better and not the medicine making me think I was better. Anyway good luck with that on what ever you choose if you have issues like that. The other thing that helped me alot is taking time for myself everyday at least an hour or so. I got an MP3 player and downloaded a ton of songs and I had someone watch my child if I needed to and I went for a walk everyday. I started out at a mile. Its a loop I do around my town. I did a mile everyday for quite a while then increased it to 3 miles everyday and the major things I notiiced is I didn't diet, I was breathing better wasn't getting winded so ofter, I was losing inches EVERYWHERE!!!, I felt ten times better I looked ten times better, I slept better, my stress wasn't through the roof anymore I had a better handle on that. The other thing I forgot to mention is I also take quite a few vitamins along with the Same which also helps me everyday. The other thing I noticed with the walking is that when I wan't able to go that I felt like something was missing in my day. I was definately more relaxed. I also wanted to or my body craved to eat better food. Like lots of fish, rice and green veggies. Tons of water and stopped the soda and switched to iced tea. The longer it takes the longer it will stay off. And don't forget that it didn't happen over night and it's not gonna change over night. Hope this helps and good luck with it I'm still batteling with mine also. My email is bluescorpio_29_08@yahoo.com if you want to chat. If not again good luck and I hope I helped in some small way. .

Thanks Carolee. Nope still about seven sizes too big to fit into my pre preggers close but I can't find clothes here in South Georgia that I have found that I am comfortable in. I have resorted to wearing maternity shirts and way too baggy pants to make me look and feel at least a little pretty. Thanks everyone for the posts maybe if I do keep working on it I will feel good about myself.

I dont really have an answer to that. Im not even there yet. I still have really awful days and I have some really good days. Its all about trying to look beyond the imperfections that society has set for us. Do what ever makes you feel good and just remember always treat yourself with the respect and love you deserve and want bestowed upon you. Dress yourself up and go out. Get your hair done. Treat yourself. Just keep in mind that last quote whenever youre feeling down and you'll see how truly silly it all is. Writing is a good way to let it all out and see whats deep down inside. It will help you see your troubles from a different stand point...Maybe something you never knew that was there before. Even music or other writers may help you have a revelation of sorts. One day we all have to come to terms with who we are...Hopefully with a smile on our lips.

Wow Tara! Can you come to my house everyday to be my life coach! Thank you. I will try to start the whole better self image and being happy with myself. I do not want my child to have a bad self image just because I put that on her. Like Ashely, I will exercise for a couple of weeks and then get too wrapped up in life to get on the treadmill. So Tara, my question is how to convince yourself that you are still attractive when you feel so unattractive? I know its all in your head so how do you do it? I've heard of women who went to Weight Watchers and they tell you that being full is just a mind game, so how do you make yourself feel pretty when all you feel is frumpy?

Simply put, you don't. You will never be the same, mentally or physically. Embrace who you are today instead of mourning who you were then. Your daughter will not be embarrassed of you. My mom was a bit bigger after having us 3 kids and I loved her just the way she was. I even remember crying and getting very upset when she told she was going to lose weight. I wanted her to stay the way she was, I loved her the way she was, why couldnt she? I blame my mom for my bad body image. As mothers its our duty to let our daughters know its okay to be ourselves. We dont have to be a certain size to be happy but at the same time we need instill good eating habits and a healthy life style. And thats just what I do. With my first child I was 147 to start and I got up to 220 lbs! I shed most of that weight by just being healthy. Diets are shit. You cant do them forever and lets face it, they are in no way satisfying. Eat right and eat smaller portions. Get at least 30 minutes of PT a day. When I became pregnant with my second child I was160 and I got up to 190. I had him just 21 months after my first child. He is now 8 months old and I am currently sitting at my pre pregnancy weight with my first child. Again healthy eating and moderate exercise. I understand your want to lose weight and being unhappy about yourself. Trust me Im there. But as the good saying goes “Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections.”

Thanks Ashley. I have tried going on what is called down here The Howard Diet, they give you a B-12 shot and also another shot you can get that starts with an L, then for the next month you give yourself B-12 shots all while also taking daily multivitamins and adapex. I didn't think it was doing all that for me, I did though lose 10 pounds in the first month. I was still tired and had to make myself do stuff (like exercise) but I didn't feel as tired and run down if that makes any sense at all. The down fall to this is that it cost $165 a month and we are trying for another baby. So I decided to get off of it to focus on the baby and try to somehow not gain all the weight I did with the first baby. Also about antidepression meds, I took 80mg of Paxil a day and it helped but you could tell when I didn't take it or if I only took half my doseage. I am off of that just because I got scared that I would be on it for the rest of my life and I felt like such a horrible mother for the way that I felt. I really appreciate you writing. It helps to know that I am not the only person who feels this way. Maybe when we find out that I am pregnant again I will find that kick that gets me up and going again. You hang in there too and let me know if you find out anything.

Im having the same problem, I cant seem to find anything that motivates me to exercise. I complain so much about my weight and wish something would make it all disappear but I dont do anything about it. I dont know what else to do for myself either, sometimes I do work out for like a week and see no results so I just give up. I told my husband maybe I need some kind of depression medicine then I would be in a happier mood, maybe id have more energy and want to work out and eat healthy to try and get my body back to how it is. If you find something that works for you let me know as well! Good luck, sorry I couldnt give you words of advice just letting you know I feel your pain! Hang in there [: