I went through this a lot with LayCool, but at least LayCool were grating and obnoxious and you were supposed to hate her. Now she’s infusing the Diva’s division with nearly everything it’s been missing — charisma, in-ring storytelling, athleticism, and avoidance of Kelly Kelly Hawaiian Tropic obviousness — and nobody cares. Nobody.

She doesn’t even get the HOLLAAA HOLLAAA pop Kelly gets. I don’t want to pull the “WWE Universe can’t handle a woman of color who isn’t a monster” card, but damn, she’s about a thousand shoot times more gorgeous than an average woman, she’s got a legitimate personality and she can do things like hop from the bottom rope to the second rope and back for a crossbody without killing herself. What would happen if Kelly (or Brooke Tessmacher, for that matter) tried that? She’d smear off in two and you’d have a Kelly on one side of the post, Kelly on the other and an orange paste on the rope.

I’ll talk more about this when the AJ stuff comes up, but WWE crowds are easily conditioned and have been trained through years of 40 second Divas contests that they aren’t supposed to invest in these women emotionally and that women’s wrestling is a relaxing period between moments of actual action. It’s disappointing at best and sorrowful at worst, and if Layla looking like she’s about to have her head split open in a Saw trap before getting Glammed Slam doesn’t make either of them seem more important, I don’t know what to do. Just keep doing what you’re doing, Layla, somebody will notice.

Or you’ll get released and find a job in TNA, and take Gail Kim’s place as the lady who can’t really wrestle but seems like she’s awesome.

Best: Santino And Ricardo Should Probably Feud Forever

They’re perfect for each other, and they should have the same rating in the video games.

I’m giving Santino and Ricardo a Best and a Worst here, because they represent a great conflict of emotions I feel when watching Raw. I LOVE comedy wrestling. Guys like Kikutaro, Stalker Ichikawa and Pierre Abernathy are among my favorites. I rag on Santino for taking the easy route too often, but he’s got good comedic timing, and when his material hits (like when he scared Ricardo with the Cobra and made him run face-first into the ring post) I love it. Ricardo probably has something to do with it … Santino needs a comedic foil, and without Maria or Beth Phoenix or Vladimir Kozlov around to play off of, it’s good to have an opponent who isn’t worried about looking cool and LOVES TO BE ON TELEVISION.

I think comedy wrestling is valuable and could be an important part of a great primetime wrestling program in the United States. The only problem is that WWE has the worst idea ever of what’s funny, so in the end all the little stuff the performers do to make an impression gets washed away in a sea of the most base, stupid, obvious sh*t they can find. Case in point:

Worst: Topical Justin Bieber References

Wrestling comedy works when wrestling IS the comedy. When wrestlers play on the obvious tropes of the sport, like when Ebessan wrestles in slow motion or Jackson Florida tries to rope walk and f**ks it up gloriously, it works. When wrestlers attempt to be funny independently of wrestling (but still within the confines of a wrestling show), it doesn’t. Well, most of the time. Most of the time it’s Triple H and Candice Michelle getting blowjobs at a cookout. Occasionally you get Derrick Bateman, ZUMBA master, but not often.

Santino ripping off Ricardo Rodriguez’s tuxedo to reveal a Justin Bieber shirt did not work. At best, it was a two-year old joke that would’ve worked a lot better when he was a wormy teen on YouTube and not a world-traveling pop idol that millions of people love. At worst, it’s a throwback to those weird moments at the Greensboro Coliseum where Dusty Rhodes or whoever would disrobe J.J. Dillon and he’d be wearing women’s underwear and stockings and garters, and 6-year old me would be all “that’s weird” and the only perspective I was given was an arena full of wrestling fans going LOL YOUR GAY. It made me a homophobic little asshole for most of my childhood. GOLDUST KISSED A MAN, THAT’S GAY, BEAT HIM UP. Now I just think, “so? Ricardo Rodriguez likes pop music. The only weird thing about this is that he’d wear a printed t-shirt under a tuxedo. What’s your point, Santino?” And if you wanna be homophobic about it, what’s gayer, a guy in a Justin Bieber shirt or a guy who wants to humiliate his rival by ripping off his clothes?

Daniel Bryan rules. If you’re agonizing over my “Daniel Bryan rules” paragraph already, move on to the next page. The guy’s been my favorite wrestler for going on 12 years now, and it makes me happy to see him disproving every imaginable detractor by continually improving, being the best guy on the show at the things people said he couldn’t do (listen to the crowd during Bryan’s speech, then listen to their middling “woos” when Punk is talking) and being the real Voice Of The Voiceless by being brave enough to say what we’re all thinking — that the WWE Universe is voiceless because they’ve got nothing intelligent to say. See also, the guy with the YOUR FIRED sign. That had FIRE on it.

The most compelling heels are the ones who believe what they say, and as outlandish as it may be, say something believable. The most compelling babyfaces are the ones who can hear that belief and stand strong enough to say, “here’s where you’re wrong”, and mean it.

so uh, unfortunately,

Best: CM Punk Gets Shook

A few talking points from the Punk/Bryan verbal showdown:

1. Daniel Bryan continues his role as the Voice Of The Voiceless by saying what needed to be said: since Punk blew up last summer, he’s changed. He’s become that soulless, pandering asshole up top who throws his weight around and tries to look like the coolest and smartest and toughest guy on the show. Punk smirks, in the way that Summer Of Punk Punk never would, and says “the only thing that has changed about me is nothing”. I guess Titus O’Neil is writing his comebacks now.

2. Bryan points out that Punk is a sellout. Punk’s response is “funny coming from the guy in a YES YES YES t-shirt”. You know, the t-shirt WWE had to appropriate from Barbershop Window because the WrestleMania and Raw crowds in Miami wouldn’t stop yelling YES YES YES throughout the entire show, even when Bryan wasn’t in the ring. The shirt Bryan had to announce in a blushing promo at the end of a dark match to thunderous applause. The one the voiceless raised their voices and demanded. I guess Punk’s suggesting that we shouldn’t listen to those people, or maybe that they want to buy that shirt with an ice cream bar on the front that f**king nobody demanded.

4. When Daniel Bryan calls Punk out on this stuff, what happens? Punk doesn’t “pipe bomb” him in response like he should (or like everyone assumes he could), he backs up and starts insulting the way Bryan looks. Calls him “goat face”. Hey, you know who else doesn’t pay attention to criticism about himself and calls them ugly queers for “hating” on him?

The CM Punk who can’t stop Jim Halperting at the screen and digs crazy chicks is not my Voice. The guy who convinced him to go vegan is.

If you remove the “AJ is crazy” angle from all of this and consider AJ might actually be the smartest person in this whole angle. She could be playing all three sides to this and actually be the one pulling the strings, She only approaches Kane when he does his fire monster thing and seems to have the upper hand in a match, then will help Punk when he seems to have the advantage and sunday at No Way Out she could pull a reverse Wrestlemania and end up causing the belt to land in Bryan’s hands and this whole thing to be set up as an elaborate ruse.

Well in addition to the character she is providing eye-candy as well. It’s gotten to the point where when she shows up on screen I physically, mentally, and emotionally don’t know how to react. I usually just end up in my underwear in the corner crying. Most monday nights are weird for me.

Great job on Part One. You’re right about the “not enough fat guys”. I have a bit of a thing for them for some reason. In other words, I swoon for Kevin Steen in the same way I swoon for Ziggler. Don’t ask…Totally agree that D Bry was the best part of the whole Punk/Bryan thing. Also, the way AJ was sitting in the ring is “Cris Cross Applesauce” Much better than “Indian Style”

I agree that the C.M. Punk character has been riding the goodwill of one godamned promo for nearly an entire year, now. Also, I think it’s funny how the WWE thinks that I have forgotten that Punk climbed the exact same ladder and stepped on all of the exact same rungs that Bryan is stepping on now.

Woof, these 3 hour RAWs are going to be brutal. But man, i’m totally in line with you on these bests/worsts. I guess Kane/Bryan/Punk needs some kind of drama to make it interesting and not just “two talented guys rolling around Kane”. But hell, the way they’re writing AJ is almost painful. It’ll be interesting sorta to see how this plays out on the ppv.

first time poster to this fine column. Just wanted to say how much I love the B&W’s and that they have shown me a different side to wrestling fandom that I immensely enjoy reading on a weekly basis. Although I don’t agree with everything you say, I’d figure I agree on most. I am a giant CM Punk fan, but even I agree that I’d rather he just focus on the Best in the World aspect and not camera-smirk when anyone said anything to him ever. “I have the belt and you don’t, come and try and take it”, which may seem like a simple part of a character, but it’s one I buy easier and allows them to add layers of a feud or character on top of it. It’s one of the reasons I like Sheamus, the “I’m big, strong and the champion let’s fight and settle it” character.

Oh believe me I would. I have had images of AJ as the new Serena bouncing around my head. It would be such an amazingly fast and bizarre turn from his current character it would be even funnier to see and hear people’s reactions. In lieu of that I’d be perfectly happy with July-August of 2011 Punk, when (minus THHHis Business’s involvement) he was feuding with Cena at MITB and SSlam under the “whoever has the belt” is best in the world feud.

I never really dug when Punk would “convert” plants in the audience, and go on and on about “Straight Edge means I’m better than you” stuff. It was too much like the stereotypical “THESE PEOPLE” heel who’s just getting cheap heat and not being all that creative. And in the hands of someone less talented than Punk, it would’ve been as one-note as Del Rio’s “Destiny” promo that he recited about 100 times.

Also, I was afraid they were going to take Bryan in that direction. When Smackdown was in Omaha (beef country, of course) he cut a promo about not having the diseases that all YOU PEOPLE have, b/c he’s vegan.
…It’s *true,* and it was funny, but it’s a one-note promo.

But I think it goes back to Brandon’s point. SES Punk was a heel through and through, but the character believed what he said, which in most cases is the antithesis of cheap heat which is cheap for that reason, that you don’t mean it, it isn’t a character trait.

Yeah, one of the things that really bothers me about people of my generation is that no one seems to believe anything anymore. People are too cool to have things that they actually believe and care about, instead relying on irony and sarcasm to mindlessly laugh at everything and everyone around them.

I want people on my wrestling show to have real beliefs. I want these beliefs to come into conflict. I want these conflicts to play out and matter.

Punk really believes in being straight edge (and he has the shitty tattoos to prove it) and I loved it when he made that matter. Now all Punk believes is that he’s the coolest and bestest wrestler ever. That’s not enough.

“Yeah, one of the things that really bothers me about people of my generation is that no one seems to believe anything anymore. People are too cool to have things that they actually believe and care about, instead relying on irony and sarcasm to mindlessly laugh at everything and everyone around them.

I want people on my wrestling show to have real beliefs. I want these beliefs to come into conflict. I want these conflicts to play out and matter.

Punk really believes in being straight edge (and he has the shitty tattoos to prove it) and I loved it when he made that matter. Now all Punk believes is that he’s the coolest and bestest wrestler ever. That’s not enough.”

This. That entire thing. I’ll admit, I’ll do the same crap every now and again, but that’s more my sense of humor than anything else.

But yeah, no one wants to believe in anything anymore. I wonder why that is…

RE: Punk/Bryan:
1. Bryan’s half of the promo was definitely better. He had something to say.
2. Punk’s concept of “selling out” is pretty weak, if he considers the “YES” shirt a sellout. But that being said…
3. “Punk wore Hunter’s jacket” is the worst possible reason to dislike someone. When Punk did commentary before the Nexus angle started, he wore a jacket. Because wrestlers usually wear their gear when they’re on commentary (or a freaking Affiliction shirt, if it’s Lawler). Punk either a) wanted to look like he should be there, or b) was doing it tongue-in-cheek, like “haha, look, a wrestler in a blazer.”
…So when he wore Hunter’s jacket, it wasn’t “Hey daddy, can I wear your jacket like a big boy?” It was a jokey call-back to months earlier. And either way, why the fuck should I care if he jokingly wanted to wear a jacket? Jesus.
4. What was Punk going to “pipe bomb” Bryan about, anyway? What if Punk had really pipe-bombed him with this: “You’re only popular because you lost a match in 18 seconds, and the fans felt so sorry for you that they chanted your catchphrase. If not for that, you’d *maybe* be wrestling Santino on the PPV.”
Would that really have been better than calling him “goat face?” Instead, the crowd (and Bryan) got a cheap laugh, WWE got a trend, and life goes on.

I’m on your side in this. Basically, a year ago, Punk was on his way out, Daniel Bryan was languishing in the midcard, and AJ was occasionally appearing on Smackdown to be cannon fodder for Beth and Natalya. Now, all three are on the big show, and part of the main event. And that means, unfortunately, that as the face, Punk has to act like a WWE face, and be “funny and awesome.” But I’d rather have him being the one to do that than oh, I don’t know, Mason Ryan.

The thing is, I can’t even tell you how excited I was to see that the three of them were actually going to get to talk this week. How many in-ring promos have Punk/Bryan gotten since their feud started? One? So I’ll take what I can get from them. …AJ’s not great on the mic, but her facial expressions and body language are stellar.

Backing you up on this 100%— I think I get why Brandon is so down on Punk. He was the first one of the fabled “indie darlings” to really really break through and it seemed like he was going to do things his way, and then he didn’t, and continued not to. At the time, D-Bry seemed unlikely to break up to this level or to stay at it, especially in light of Michael Cole shitting on him every week.

So here was Punk, who has the ability to break out and be different…being the same.

The sad fact is that pretty much everyone is better or more interesting as a heel (Michaels, Cena, Punk… I could go on forever). And the guy who’s an underdog or has something to prove is also a more compelling character. Punk isn’t either of those anymore. So his mic work suffers, and he gets kind of unlikable (especially since WWE faces seemingly *have* to act a certain way).

I’m not a really smart guy or anything, but I think saying “Punk wore Hunter’s jacket” is what some would call symbolism. Yes, Punk wore HHH’s jacket. That is OK because people get cold and just sitting down in an arena with underwear on gets cold if you aren’t moving around.

You know, what? No. I’m not going to explain this. You seem like a good guy, but you’ll just have to trust me when I say that Moby Dick is about more than a guy who hunts a whale, Light in August is about more than a guy of mixed race, and Blood Meridian is about more than guys murdering Native Americans.

I think it’s symbolism if a person *wants* it to be symbolism. What does it symbolize? Hunter passing the torch to Punk? No. I guess some folks here think it symbolizes Punk being Hunter’s lapdog. And I just don’t understand that.

Buzz, this isn’t about indie darlings or selling out or any of that bullshit.

Tell me with a straight face that CM Punk of today is anywhere near as compelling, interesting, funny, intelligent, or just plain entertaining as he was when he feuded with Jeff Hardy. You can’t do it.

If you’ve read this column for more than a month you also know that Brandon, and most people here, made a game out of shitting on the Big Show. He was boring, racist, fat, stupid, boring, fat, and just awful. He made everything worse.

Then they gave Big Show something to do and Brandon, and many here, came around to him because they finally found an angle and story that worked with Big Show but also made for a coherent and logical story. I don’t think many here are going to go out and buy Big Show shirts, but no one has been shitting on him now that he’s doing something interesting.

It cuts both ways, though. CM Punk was great and Brandon and people here said so. Now he’s not, so instead of making excuses and just forgiving him for all of his wrong doings we instead hold him to a higher standard. The only people who don’t do that are fucking Jeff Hardy fans. Don’t be a fucking Jeff Hardy fan and just make excuses for him because he appeals to the white trash part of your heart.

No, it symbolizes that Punk is going to do the same fucking thing HHH does: get a big following, be mostly mediocre with some moments of greatness, and be the coolest and smartest and funniest kid on the block who eventually buries everyone that gets in the ring against him.

It really is crazy when you take a step back and track Punk’s journey, at least regarding HHH from last June. He begins with calling him a doofus, then drops nasally pipe bombs about testicles in handbags, then it’s “gee, golly, gosh, can I really wear your blazer, can I really, huh, can I?”

But the white trash part of my heart likes Joe Dirt and Twinkies and reads that tumblr about people that shop at wal-mart for fashion tips. /hack material.

No, Punk isn’t as compelling. I’m not arguing he is. I’m saying I think the reason Brandon was SO high and then SO down on Punk (when the OP is asking Brandon, basically, why he’s so down on Punk) is because Punk was the first of the ROH-veteran, indie guys to break through.

I def see your point about Big Show. It’ll be interesting to what the sentiment is about Kofi when they finally give him something to do.

If you think Brandon’s opinions are so intellectually dishonest and shallow why do you bother to read the column? I’m not trying to say that to be mean, but I’m serious. I don’t read tons of other websites because I don’t like where their opinions come from (or the opinions themselves, oftentimes) so I don’t read them. Why are you reading Brandon’s if his opinions are so transparent and shallow?

I’m pretty much over Brandon not liking this version of Punk. I mean, not over it (obviously), but I get it. My main thing this time was actually buried at #4, and hasn’t been addressed. What kind of pipe bomb could Punk have dropped on Bryan that wouldn’t have made people dislike Punk even more? Someone in Punk’s position more or less shooting on Bryan would have been the definition of burial. It would have been like Vince’s backstage segment with Bryan, which was fucking awful.

1) “Bryan, we’ve been friends for a long time and I don’t understand why you hurt AJ the way you have. That’s really mean because she’s such a sweet person who deserves someone that can respect her and appreciate that. I know this is business and everyone wants to be champion, but just know that I’m going to kick your fucking head off because of how you treated her.”

2) Or invent an actual reason for a feud instead of, “I’m CM Punk and am better and cooler than you.”

1st of all, +1 to THESTINGER for that line about appealing to the white trash part of your heart. I fully intend to use this line on my boss the next time he tries to argue with me about how Jimmie Johnson is better than Dale Earnhardt.

2nd, I still like Punk, but I haven’t been impressed with how he talks to people lately. Punk’s whole character turn last Summer was based on him getting in people’s faces and saying the things that needed to be said. Vince doesn’t care about the fans, Cena’s become the franchise he claims to hate, and HHH is a power-tripping dickhead who used his influence to always be viewed as the coolest guy around. If you look at Punks promos over the last several months, he doesn’t do that anymore. The longer he remains WWE champion, the more he evolves into the typical babyface that WWE likes to showcase. Bryan got in Punk’s face on Raw and told him what was what. Punk HAS changed, and in my eyes not for the better. In spite of how he’s treated AJ, Bryan comes off as the good guy here, because Punk’s started acting hokey.

3rd, W/L is a place where we can all have opinions and not result to being hurtful, so play nice everyone!

Stinger, I don’t think all Brandon’s opinions are shallow. In fact, I don’t even think this one is shallow and dishonest. All I was saying is that, despite the reasons you provide, his opinions was somewhat influenced by him being a huge fan of the guy before all the pipe-bomb business. It’s akin to how disappointed I’ll be when Community inevitably falters without Dan Harmon at the helm and Ashton Kutcher starts guest starring.

The thing is, even if Brandon’s opinions WERE shallow and dishonest muck, it would at least be well written, humorous, and engaging muck. There’s not too many other dudes out there like that writing about my favorite pastime.

You’re right about how we need more old/ugly men/women in wrestling, but I think that’s just American TV in general. Just once I’d like to see a fat woman on TV with a character trait that’s something other than “heh, she’s a fat lady!”

Serious, non-sarcastic answer (I promise): We like them for a while, then they change, we don’t think they’re quite as cool anymore, and we get disappointed in how their career has progressed.
…This really only applies if either of them turn face. If they manage to stay heels– which is probably a safe bet for Cody for the time being– it’ll be OK.

1) Last night was the first time that I’ve been irritated by CM Punk Halpert-ing all over the ring and it’s because he reminded us of last year. Brandon said last week that wrestling 90% writes itself and it does. Punk doesn’t have to be a smarmy douche to Laurinaitis because Punk’s a face, he can say that he doesn’t trust Laurinaitis because Laurinaitis tried to screw Punk out of the title last summer and he’s a glad-handing-yes-man-douche. There! Motivation! And it pisses me off that every damn WWE baby face has to be a dickish bully.

2) I wish Daniel Bryan had completely no sold being called “Goat Face” and come back with “Yeah, I may have a Goat Face, but I’m a killer. Just call me the Goat Face Killer”. Now, this couldn’t have happened because about 3 people would have gotten the pun and I don’t think you can say Killer on TV-PG WWE but I totally would have bought a Daniel Bryan shirt with “YES!” on the front and him as a cartoon goat on the back.

I am loving how the crowds can’t decide how they want really want to react to the Daniel Bryan Question and Answer time. Half the crowd shouting YES along with him and half shouting NO, but only half heartedly. Its like they want to shout YES, but then remember they are supposed to like him. Although how anyone can resist shouting YES over and over is beyond me.

Brandon, instead of writing about every segment on a 3 hour Raw, why not axe a few segments? Vince McMahon interacting with Hornswoggle and The Funkettes could have been chopped as it wasn’t all that important to the show.

” I don’t want to pull the “WWE Universe can’t handle a woman of color who isn’t a monster” card, but damn, she’s about a thousand shoot times more gorgeous than an average woman, she’s got a legitimate personality and she can do things like hop from the bottom rope to the second rope and back for a crossbody without killing herself.”

Well said and I agree. It’s nice to know someone else out there is championing Layla is an entertaining wrestler. Sadly, race and sexism plays a role in all this. If only Lawler could get fired, as it starts with him

Lets just agree that CM Punk has crossed over to the Dark Side. In a Raw that had two segments involving himself, Daniel Bryan, AJ and Kane, Punk is the one person I don’t remember much about last night. Kane made more of an impression with me than CM Punk did! Are we living in the end times or something?!

For whatever reason, I was always a Kane fan growing up. I’m enjoying seeing him in this storyline because he is fighting 2 people who tried to use him as a pawn, as opposed to fighting people for no reason.

I think it’s because Kane is the closest thing this feud has to a face. He took exception to Bryan and Punk manipulating him into doing their dirty work, and now he wants to kick their asses.

Meanwhile Daniel Bryan is an arrogant jackass (Excusable because he’s actually supposed to be a heel) and CM Punk is a guy who exploits the psychologically ill for his own benefits. It’s kind of hard not to root for Kane from a moral perspective.

My Dad took me to Unforgiven 1997 and we had front row seats. I was nine years old and Kane stumbled past me with his arm on fucking fire. That shit blew my mind as a kid, and I’ve been a fan ever since. I think I even remember crying when X-Pac turned on him. To be clear though, I only like Kane in a mask.

Another first time poster and lover of B&W here. Maybe it’s because I’m from Chicago and I have a soft spot for him or because the hype from Punk’s promo is what got me back into watching wrestling in the first place, but I don’t get the level of CM Punk hate every week.
Obviously, I wish CM Punk would be cutting shoot promos on the company and his opponents every week and doing things a la last summer. But WWE “faces” don’t rip the company or say things like that. They are generic, good-way, “lol u mad?” characters. And I’m personally just happy that, since someone has to do it, at least it’s CM Punk and not 20 more minutes of Jern.
He needs to be chasing the belt, in my opinion, to get some of that edge back. But the fact of the matter is, he can go in the ring better than 90% of the roster and has been the champion for long enough where he SHOULDN’T have anything to complain about or shoot on.
I know, Brandon, that D-Bry is your clear favorite and understand you’re frustrated with Punk. But you get your favorite wrestler in a main event feud with another great indy circuit alum, all the while the main focus of the feud is your favorite female in the biz. It could be better, sure, but after watching BBQ-Gate last week, it could be so so so so so so so much worse.

Part of that is that I think the WWE has some of the best talent ever and their roster may be better now than at any point (even if they aren’t using anyone well, you have to admit they got some amazing people now), but, yeah, CM Punk is a good wrestler. He’s not a great wrestler, and that’s okay because when he’s allowed to do something interesting and good it can make me care so much that he can step up and deliver a great match that can culminate a great feud. Day to day, though, he’s nothing special.

I agree that the typical WWE babyface isn’t supposed to say the things Punk usually says. However, it’s a massive, glaring mistake for nobody to realize that Punk got people to like him in part for his abrasive personality and his against the grain talking points. He could have still been cheered while deriding people, but WWE is full of idiots and dead plants.

That’s an interesting list. I agree with a lot of them. Although it’s hard for me to say “better than” in some cases. When it’s close, I’ve just got to say “as good as.”
Wade Barrett? Really? I’m not totally disagreeing, but I guess I haven’t seen anything that great yet. I do like him though. And Christian… OK, if you’re talking ring psycology, building from past matches, then yes, he’s great. But damn, some of his moves take so long to develop. Not even talking about the Killswitch. That kick through the ropes in the corner is painfully slow.

I don’t disagree, Guitar. In some cases it’s close, sure, but I think my point works out: CM Punk is a fine wrestler but I’m tired of people defending his shitty new character because he’s a “great wrestler”. He’s not a great wrestler, he’s good and all but let’s not get carried away.

I agree, Lobster, that his character is now is pretty much the antithesis of the CM Punk that got so over last summer. Triple H returning and inserting himself into a top feud definitely killed Punk’s momentum, not to mention taking the belt off him, on him, off him, on him.

He definitely has hit a stale patch and needs to get screwed over and lose the belt because everything has just been too hunky-dory for him the last 7-8 months and it has definitely shined through on his character.

I’m not trying to defend his new character, just that WWE has forgotten (or is just being lazy) how to write their “faces” and made all their “heel” characters seem pretty awesome in comparison. And it’s sad that they have turned CM Punk into this. I’m rambling.

I just want to know that if you think CM Punk has gotten stale in less than a year, how have you been able to stand the last 8-9 years of John Cena? (I’m not being snarky, just seriously want to know. Cause I’m already sick of it)

“What was Punk going to “pipe bomb” Bryan about, anyway? What if Punk had really pipe-bombed him with this: “You’re only popular because you lost a match in 18 seconds, and the fans felt so sorry for you that they chanted your catchphrase. If not for that, you’d *maybe* be wrestling Santino on the PPV.”

YES. Thats exactly what he should have said. Make it personal, make me believe that the pressures of being a “sports entertainer” in the biggest market, chasing titles will turn lambs into lions and friends into foes.

I’m suspending disbelief when I watch wrestling, so add stuff in that makes it more “real”. I want to see CM Punk and Daniel Bryan get extremely personal on each other so it seems like these guy are going to tear each other apart. It’s why Bret v Shawn worked so well: They actually hated each other. It’s why Stan Hansen v Vader was an awesome match: cause they were actually beating the shit out of each other, and it’s why the nWo was such a great faction of heels: cause they were actual asshole that thought they were better than everyone else.

Hunico, Stinger?! Have you really seen enough of him to say he is a better wrestler than Punk? From FCW and when they let him wrestle in WWE he looks like a good wrestler, but I wouldn’t say better than Punk. I also wouldn’t say Jericho is better than him anymore.

I didn’t take issue with Hunico being on that list before, but after looking at it again, I have to agree with Shark.
Maybe he was great in Mexico, but he hasn’t shown anything in WWE. I’m not saying WWE is the be-all-end-all, but part of being a *great* wrestler is being able to have good matches with people of all shapes, sizes, and talent levels.
…Look at Taz in ECW vs Tazz in WWE. I loved Taz, but he sucked in WWE, because the wrestling style is different (that’s an important distinction), and most of the guys on the roster were just big enough that they couldn’t be tossed around like rag dolls like he did to most of the ECW roster.

I agree. I hope Creative has a white board where they’re just writing down funny names for jobbers so this will never have to stop.

Dear WWE,
If you come out with a Ryback shirt that is cool (meaning doesn’t make me feel like a fucking loser if I wear it because I’m an adult male with a grown up job) and Ryback is still squashing juggalos I promise to buy that shirt.
Sincerely,
THESTINGER

Side note: Is there ANY wwe shirt that doesn’t look stupid in front of people that aren’t wrestling fans, but can be immediately recognized by another wrestling fan? Dolph’s shirt comes closest in my opinion, if you wear a jacket to cover the stupid “IF YOU BACK IT UP” on the back.

Shirts that just have a logo don’t look too bad around non-wrestling fans. Like Punk’s Nexus shirt (or the better, non-yellow one before it), or maybe the original DX shirt, if you cover the back.
Or I suppose one of Orton’s Affliction-esque shirts are OK. I wouldn’t wear them, but a non-wrestling fan might not even notice it.
Also, a Ryback shirt is almost certainly going to look terrible. Something that tries to be scary, like Lesnar’s tattoo shirt, with “RYBACK” in huge letters. Then everyone asks “What the hell is a Ryback?” And you have to say “Um… well, it’s… never mind.”

Agreed Stinger. I only own one wrestling shirt (the white Punk shirt from last summer) and I have a YES shirt from BSW coming my way, I don’t know how often I’ll wear them to non-wrestling events because it’s kind of weird (and they’re also expensive, so I don’t want to wear them out or get them dirty)

Best for Johnny to Sheamus: “You stay right here… (thinkthinkthink) because I’m gonna go in back and find an opponent… (hampsterwheelspinning) whose going to make you sorry… (hampsterexplodes) that you said those things about me.” and then everyone legit LOL’ing on camera/mic.

Waiting for the rest of this article is like getting controllers for a new game system for Xmas then not getting the console until everyone else unrwrapped all their presents and then you had to go on a scavenger hunt for the last box. Vader is the Yokohama Game Sphere in this analogy.

Meh, Punk seems to be one of those “this isn’t a character, it’s who I am” types, and if that’s the case, he is pretty unlikeable. If he’s going to claim that he’s the “voice of the voiceless” and have a Rosie the fucking Riveter tattoo on his arm, you bet I’m going to hold him to a higher standard than most whenever he makes sexist comments about AJ’s mental stability.

@Brandon comment wasn’t directed at you- just at everyone that have gone crazy over it. I think the backwards character development is atrocious, but I guess I’m holding out hope that creative gets their heads out of their asses and realize how they’ve screwed up. I know it’ll be a heel turn, and I’m all for it.

If you’re worrying about Liv Tyler’s non-matching underwear, you’re doing it wrong. God I had a thing for her. Can’t count how many times I’ve seen that movie, Stealing Beauty, and Inventing the Abbots.

I hope next week when Michael Cole starts promoting their sponsors we see a bitter Jerry Lawler just go off on Domino’s Pizza. “I’M STILL WAITING ON MY PIZZA DOMINO’S! YOU KNOW WHAT WWE UNIVERSE? JUST GO TO PIZZA HUT, INSTEAD!”.

According to JR: “King’s Domino’s Pizza was delivered backstage last night and apparently @wwejoshmathews ate it. Josh is a big JR’s Beef Jerky fan. The Domino’s thing is more good product placement by WWE. Smart marketing by Domino’s.”

MILLIONS OF DOLLARS MILLIONS OF DOLLARS MILLIONS OF DOLLARS MILLIONS OF DOLLARS MILLIONS OF DOLLARS MILLIONS OF DOLLARS MILLIONS OF DOLLARS MILLIONS OF DOLLARS MILLIONS OF DOLLARS MILLIONS OF DOLLARS MILLIONS OF DOLLARS MILLIONS OF DOLLARS

So knowing that Big Show is going to beat Cena in the steel cage (since they are not going to be firing Big Johnny) means they only match worth watching at No Way Out will be the WWE Championship match right? Do we really need to pay $60 for that?

Stop shitting on Heath Slater. The best matches in the WWE that have not involved Daniel Bryan this year have been on NXT and Superstars and Slater has been a big part of a few of them. Him and Tyson Kidd look stupid but they both can go better than CM Punk.

Was Kidd in ROH or something? I’m guessing he wrestled somewhere before WWE, b/c a 5 minute match on NXT wouldn’t make him 10 times better than anybody. [Serious question followed by snarky comment. Where did he wrestle that he put on these clinics?]

He’s been killing it on Superstars and NXT for months. He had a killer 12-ish minute match with McGillicutty on NXT that is one of my favorite matches of the year. Trust me, having long matches doesn’t mean you’re good.

I saw Slater cut a pretty good promo at a Smackdown taping a few months ago (not sure if it got on TV anywhere). The guy’s got some personality, but he needs a haircut, or a wig, or a mask, or something. His look will hold him back forever.

I’ve never seen NXT, I don’t even know when it’s on; all I know is Heath Slater is and always will be the One Man Southern Job Squad until he’s finally cut. I’ve never seen him do anything worth paying attention to on RAW or Smackdown.

You know who else can sell like a motherfucker and make his opponents look like studs? Drew goddamn McIntyre. The dude is a hoss in diguise and his continued stay in lower-card Hell is probably the most frustrating misuse of talent in the company.

Tyson Kidd might be my favorite WWE in-ring guy. I can’t really think of many that are really, truly better. He looks good, makes others look good… They need to get belts on some heels so they can mix shit up and give some of the lower card faces a shot.

“I’m Kingler, the motherfuckin’ mingler,
I’m a pimp, all the ladies love my tingler,
Graduated from a small fry to the king of the sea,
My Crabhammer crushes every n**** that stands against me,
left claw got 10,000 horsepower of pure brute force,
Wanna talk shit? Well come to tha’ fuckin’ source!
230 base attac, go ahead and try it,
COME AT ME BRO, this crab’s about to get violent…….. /drops mic/”

Things you realize while waiting for Best and Worst to update: MVP’s WWE theme was about totally ejaculating. I don’t know if I can embed videos but here’s the opening lyrics.

One…two…you hear the clock ticking
Tick…tock…you about to stop living (okay that line doesn’t really work)
Tick…tock…I want you to remember me (!!)
But the day don’t have no memory
I’M CUMMING!!!
Nobody can stop me
Nobody can hold me
Nobody control me
I’m here to do my thing…

In case it hasn’t been said, I need to emphasize how much I loved that one of Ryback’s victims wasn’t just named Rutherford Hayes– he introduced himself as Rutherford *P.S.* Hayes.
I’m sure only about 10% of the viewing audience got it, but I laughed.

Great recap, Brandon! I enjoyed last nights show a lot, and along with Vader, Ziggler vs Christian was my favorite part of the night. It’s that back and forth, “NEAR FALL! HOW DID HE KICK OUT!?” that I hope for each Monday, and makes me watch week after week. The way the crowd got behind Ziggler was awesome! I was out of my seat, and I can’t remember doing that in a long time. I hope Ziggler gets more than just a ‘shot’ at the title on Sunday. He is one of the best in the ring, and I want to see him main eventing. And thank you for pointing out just what was wrong with Cena’s promo last night. I complain about him a lot anytime he comes out (It’s repetitive, sorry guys) and I felt like he was mailing it in, but I couldn’t put my finger on why. You summed it up beautifully.

I also agree with all the stuff about the divas. It would be nice to see them actually be taken seriously, as opposed to a bathroom break. Kharma should pull a China, and fued with Jericho for a while. People could believe her beating male opponents. Or find a female Brock Lesnar and just have her should “LEGITIMACY” after every move.

I don’t give a flying shit if AJ’s getting a character. She’s the only female with a discernable character and it’s as a stalker slut. I don’t give WWE the benefit of the doubt here because they’ve never given me reason TO give them the benefit of the doubt. She’s gonna end up being Punk’s cum dumpster, and we’re all going to have aneurysms, except for the people who give you shade for daring to be socially conscious.

I mean, if AJ the psycho slut was one of a cast of varied good and bad character archetypes, she’d rule, especially with the way she’s executing. But there’s no way I can get excited for her when the best she can do in a match is French kiss a necrophile.

Is it me or is the least likely scenario in the WWE title match that AJ actually will help Punk win? She might not cost him the belt but I just don’t see a scenario in which they let her be helpful to Punk. I mean we are talking about the people who booked the cena/big johnny ending that everyone saw coming so who knows. AJ being linked to Punk would not benift her character as much as being linked to Bryan or Kane Would. Being with Kane would mean she could continue to portray instability, while being with Bryan would portray her as a mastermind. AJ backing Punk would make her seem like a damsel in distress who is too blind to see he doesn’t like her the same way. The best outcome would be her messing up everything for all of them just because they all wronged her in some way. Silly me, this WWE that would never happen.

*this is WWE that would never happen.
I bet if withleather kept statistics on gramatical errors in posts I would be the site leader, if you went by a # of errors/ # of posts ratio (I’m not sure thats the correct way to calculate such a percentage.)

Great read as usual Brandon, and I seriously LOLed at your point about Rutherford (PS) Hayes getting mic time on RAW. It brought me back to watching WCW Saturday Night, and someone like “Hole-in-One” Barry Darsow or Roadblock would start cutting a promo, and then Scott Hudson would get all pissed like “Why would David Penzer give this goof a mic?!?! He must have greased his palm!” As a teenager who watched too much wrestling in the 90s, the thought of an undercard guy having to bribe an announcer for 30 seconds of mic-time was hilarious beyond belief, and always makes me chuckle.

I’m glad everybody liked my Sheamus nicknames, which I generally use during my private couch color commentary for the amusement of my fiance and cat (Along with calling Heath Slater “Strawberry Blondie” and other people other stuff I can’t remember at the moment). Additionally, if you want a more aquatic alternative to “Great White,” might I suggest “Ginger Narwhal” ?

Great write as usual. And to you Brandon, I think your quote of the week that summed up my feelings….”Quicker version: Why the hell did Vince spend 3 hours wandering around backstage trying to bury everyone he could find? “

“They should replace Lawler, and have the excuse be that he was so good at Pizza Hero that Domino’s hired him away. Replace him with Scott Stanford, and have a segment where Stanford drags his finger across the back of an iPad and mumbles “is this where you put the hot dog.”

As a casual fan, this was so funny that I immediately Googled Scott Stanford.

I enjoyed this one way more than the last few B&W’s for some reason. Maybe because you talked about a lot of things that came up in my mind when I watched, such as:
Bryan owning Punk on the mic, McMahon evaluating Johnny making no sense, how Tensai/Sheamus was an entertaining and hard hitting match, Layla doing stuff, Christian/Ziggler, I even didn’t mind the “preachy” part this time, as I agreed with you this time.

Can the person who wrote that letter about the WWE making fun of Vickie do another one? The JR thing was really offensive and wrong. And I don’t get offended easily.

Seeing the names Willard Fillmore and Rutherford “PS” Hayes when they came down the ramp made me laugh more than anything on Raw in quite a while. I smiled at Stansky and Rosenburg, but this was amazing.

I grew tired of Brodus squashes fast, but Ryback’s are more entertaining. Plus they can build up to 3 jobbers, then 4, before he wrestles real guys.

It is awesome to see AJ being given an interesting role, and seeing her take off with it. Her skipping around Kane was another highlight, and everyone played their parts perfectly. Kane, Punk, Bryan. Well maybe not everyone, they need new announcers.

I still really like Punk, he is one of my favorites, but yea, he has changed. He just makes fun of peoples looks, the pipe bomb thing is dumb, but I can forgive all that. His elbow drop though is pretty terrible. Especially since I see IWGP Champ Kazuchika Okada deliver a perfect one in every one of his title defenses. Seriously, watch it on youtube, it is gorgeous. It is at 3:21 of this video [www.youtube.com]

Vader was awesome, he did great for a large 57 year old guy. The steps was whatever, but that Vader bomb and seeing him do all his mannerisms, great. Now we need SID!

Vince can stay away from the on screen product again now. He doesn’t really add anything anymore, and is more of a detriment than anything. Saying Big Show hasn’t done anything since 1999 was stupid and only buries him. Dancing with the Funkettes was stupid and not entertaining.

John Cena really brought the whole show to a halt. I agree with Brandon 100% about him here, nothing he does matters. Win or lose at No Way Out, either the feud will continue or he’ll move on to something else “important.” And his promos and shtick are cringe inducing. I wish they’d just let him talk and not script this shite out.

Also, the Game of Thrones analogy to the McMahon thing legitimately made me laugh. That was great. Also reallllly glad I started that show finally on Sunday and finished season 1 last night.

I was there at the show last night; here’s my perspective on the show as a guy that lived in Hartford for four years.

The jobbers were amazing; the line about the Whalers got great heat and even got me boo-ing them, and I love Ryback’s fodder. After the match there was a “Let’s go Whalers” chant, which was adorable because even though I live in Hartford, it’s literally our only notable thing to happen in the past 15 years.

Cena annoyed me (but still got a pop for it) when he said we were the Whales. It’s kind of correct (the Whales are a minor league team that plays in the XL Center), but it annoyed me because earlier in the show we were all proud and shit that we were once The Whalers (even though they left because not enough of us went to their games) and now people were cheering for being called the prey that the former team hunted. But maybe I just have issues with the Whales.

Other fun things of note: Kofi. could. not. stop. JUMPING. during. the. commercials. He just couldn’t.
There was a “CM Punk is not impressed” sign. It didn’t get shown during the sign segment, but there was a well photoshoed one of Daniel Bryan called “The Twenty-Nine Year Old Vegan.” There was also another “John Laurinitis YOUR fired” sign. I’m going to pretend they were all visiting from Boston (since there was a very annoying and loud (and violently cursing) group of wrestling fans with Boston accents at the Thai restaurant I ate at before the show.

Sadly when I eyerolled at McMahon at the BAStar on the jumbotron I ended up seeing the second jumbotron hanging from the ceiling.

If you thought it was weird watching a thirty-five year old dude in jorts on tv, it’s even worse live. I just felt really uncomfortable watching a grown man’s ass in jorts.

The crowd really turned on Big Show, which was weird.

The dark match was a three on one handicap match of Cena vs Show/Otunga/and yes, JOHNNY! Johnny got a good crutch whack on Cena, but after the match Cena was a dick and smashed him in to the ground. The match sucked and was really short, but I got to see Otunga in person and Johnny come out of retirement, so I’ll take it.

I still don’t get how Big Show speaking his mind and not doing stupid things his boss tells him to do is selling out.

regarding the crowd’s quick turn on Big Show: I’m for it, especially since I know a girl who said that (face) Big Show was her favorite wrestler and it made me mad, because that is like saying your favorite color is taupe or your favorite thing is air. It’s a really neutral option. He’s showing a lot more personality as a heel, and everybody who turned so fast is a dummy.

Great column Brandon, though I will never see eye to eye with you on your despising of Kofi Kingston. But I just skipover it now,works better for me that way. One thing I agree on is the three hour Raw is… How can I put this? Terrible. And I am only expecting worse. I don’t need a great story to watch people fight, I own about 60 late 70’s early 80’s Hong Kong and Japanese martial arts movies. And the writers on Raw don’t even hand me writing I would even describe as tolerable to a martial arts movie. Then there was Vader appearing for some reason, and I don’t know, I guess I need my wrestlers to not be 57 and be able to walk up stairs to expect me to believe he can beat the crap out of a highly trained professional.
In unrelated news, I start way too many sentences with the word “And”

Vader’s music hit and I turned into the Grinch the moment the Whos’ song first hit. Immediately stop all snark and go wide-eyed and awe-filled like little me watching him swat Foley and Sting around. Almost everything worked with the exception of…well, you named them.

And then the most excellent wresting auteur of the interwebs has a best of Vader section. Slow clap, sir. Halfrican-American to I’m assuming mostly white dude? I hereby nominate you for your James Brown pass. Fucking A, man.

Nicolas Refn said when he was casting for “Drive” the first thing that popped in his head when he saw Carey Mulligan was “I just want to protect her”… this is kind of how I view AJ… Like no matter how batshit crazy she gets she still has the quirk where you just want to protect her.

I tried explaining the WWE corporate structure to my wife last night. As far as I can figure the WWE is set up like human rock paper scissors. HHH beats Vince, Johnny Ace beats HHH and Vince beats Johnny Ace. I think Steph is home base or something…

Since they’re bringing back a “former RAW superstar” every week until ep 1000, this might be a good time for a up Ryback’s meals to 3 or 4 jobbers at a time, hint at a Goldberg one-off for #1000…. the bring out Duane Gill, who destroys Ryback in 30 seconds. I can dream, can’t I?

It’s true. He is prototype face bottom rung of midcard talent. Pretty good in the ring, likable enough to cheer, and has a good look, but no discernible personality. Sadly I think I just described Kofi (*I* think he’s pretty good in the ring at least) and less sad, DiBiase the Jr. And Swagger if we’re talking heels.

This storyline is like Kane’s Machete. “Here’s an actual, honest-to-goodness fairly compelling and not total shit storyline for you to shine in and a chance to make out with a total superhottie. Thanks for putting up with so much half-baked crap for the last 15 years, big guy.”

Matches i’m hoping to see at some point in the mysterious future: Sin Cara / Dolph Zigger, Vader / Ryback, Vader / Tensai. I would also completely die of love for wrestling with a Vader / Ryback / Tensai triple threat.

Cause goddamn it if i don’t love hosses beating the hell out of each other.

Maybe Danielson convinced Punk to get rid of his TV and now he can’t review Macho Man tapes for proper elbow technique? I don’t know, it is perplexing how a guy with such relative crispness in the rest of his in-ring work would pick a move he is SO UTTERLY BAD AT to showcase in such a dramatic way in almost every match.

Wasn’t the reason he was out for several months back before the New Nexus stuff because of a hip injury? Maybe he’s being overly-careful. Maybe he likes the idea of continuing to pay tribute to Savage (b/c he didn’t do the move until Savage died), but wants to do it in a way that is less likely to hurt.

Kind of like how Ric Flair took a back bodydrop in every single match, even though he was terrible at it, and always landed on his side.

A giant monster made of an amalgam of all the jobbers Ryback faced is a great idea. However, I’d also be interested in checking out a situation where Ryback comes out to the ring, the jobbers surround him (yeah yeah, a la Nexus) and begin attacking him. He, however, explodes in the center and tosses them all aside. They all slowly get up, part like the Red Sea, and a giant jobber dude appears.

Someone we don’t know. Someone we’ll never see again. Just some monster. He walks right up to Ryback. Stare-down. Suddenly, lumberjack match. Did I mention this is on a PPV?

I’m not sure why Tensai needs a retooling in the first place. WWE gave him some quick wins and one over Cena that was overshadowed by the shenanigans going on, so he’s not ready to be John Laurinaitis’ muscle? Let the fans chant “Albert” at him. He is Albert, even in kayfabe. It’s not like chanting “Jamal” at Umaga.

I just don’t get how dropping “Lord” from his name (although WWE have some sort of fetish for chopping names down), not wearing a robe and killing off his retainer is going to “save” him when probably all he needs is a few, decent hard-hitting matches like he had with Sheamus on Monday.

Hell, they could have made him number one contender instead of Dolph Ziggler (whom I enjoy but for some reason I feel like I’ve seen Sheamus/Ziggler more than I have Kofi/Ziggler). I’d gladly watch 15-20 minutes of those two punching the hell out of each other.

The green Ring Ka King guys would be a hundred times more entertaining to see on WWE TV than Jinder or Khali. They at least look like they have fire. Jinder seems like he’s a small step from doing that HORRIBLE Indian shopkeeper thing Vince McMahon had Ranjin Singh do that one time and Khali is… Khali. He’s going to fall apart in the ring some day.