Monty Python Scripts

The Cheese Shop

The cast:

The sketch:

Wenslydale: Good morning, Sir. Welcome to the National
Cheese Emporium!

Customer: Ah, thank you, my good man.

Wenslydale: What can I do for you, Sir?

Customer: Well, I was, uh, sitting in the public library
on Thurmon Street just now, skimming through "Rogue Herrys" by Hugh
Walpole, and I suddenly came over all peckish.

Wenslydale: Peckish, sir?

Customer: Esuriant.

Wenslydale: Eh?

Customer: 'Ee, Ah wor 'ungry-loike!

Wenslydale: Ah, hungry!

Customer: In a nutshell. And I thought to myself, "a
little fermented curd will do the trick," so, I curtailed my
Walpoling activities, sallied forth, and infiltrated your place of
purveyance to negotiate the vending of some cheesy comestibles!

Wenslydale: Come again?

Customer: I want to buy some cheese.

Wenslydale: Oh, I thought you were complaining about the
bazouki player!

Customer: Oh, heaven forbid: I am one who delights in all
manifestations of the Terpsichorean muse!

Wenslydale: Sorry?

Customer: 'Ooo, Ah lahk a nice tuune, 'yer forced too!

Wenslydale: So he can go on playing, can he?

Customer: Most certainly! Now then, some cheese please, my
good man.

Wenslydale:(lustily) Certainly, sir. What would
you like?

Customer: Well, eh, how about a little red Leicester.

Wenslydale: I'm, afraid we're fresh out of red Leicester,
sir.

Customer: Oh, never mind, how are you on Tilsit?

Wenslydale: I'm afraid we never have that at the end of
the week, sir, we get it fresh on Monday.

Customer: Tish tish. No matter. Well, stout yeoman, four
ounces of Caerphilly, if you please.

Wenslydale: Ah! It's beeeen on order, sir, for two weeks.
Was expecting it this morning.