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Around the clock

For how long do LOs nurse around the clock... Until what age? I don't understand how nursing constantly is successful bf-ing. My DH just started an apprenticeship and goes to night school, putting almost all responsibility on me when it comes to the house, meals and taking care of our older child. During the day I MAYBE have 10-15min every few hours and one four-five stretch at night. I'm pretty sure it's normal for him to want to nurse so frequently, but I cannot do ANYTHING and he's almost ten weeks old. Will he ever go longer in between meals?

Re: Around the clock

This is one of those terrific questions that have no good answer, because the answer for every mama-baby pair is going to be as different, as individual, as the mamas and babies in question. Some kids start spacing their feedings out to every 2-3 hours within a few weeks of birth. Others continue to nurse round-the-clock for months on end, never going more than a few hours without nursing until they're close to a year old, or even over a year.

10 weeks is very early to expect a baby to have spaced out his nursing sessions. A lot of people call the baby's first 3 months of life "the third trimester" because the baby is still so underdeveloped and needful of constant attention. The only reason the baby isn't still gestating is that the head will grow too large to fit through the mom's pelvis if pregnancy continues on. At 10 weeks you're not even to the point where your baby really wants to be born- so it's not really reasonable to expect him to be spacing out his feedings when what he really wants is to be fed almost constantly through an umbilical cord!

All that being said, I think you can expect things to get better in the next couple of months, as the baby gets bigger, stronger, and faster to nurse. He's also going to get more responsive- tiny babies don't often smile or coo or reach out to touch you, and that makes them less pleasurable to nurse than older babies who can show how much they adore you. I know from your previous posts that you have been struggling really hard to nurse this baby, and that is exhausting even if you're not chasing a toddler and holding down the fort at home. Do you have a sling? If you can master nursing on the go, that might free you up to do other things while also caring for the new baby.

Re: Around the clock

I orderd a ring sling. My husband is losing patience with the whole process. He keeps saying that if DS has to nurse so much that something is wrong, and he constantly makes comments about stuff around the house not getting done. Before we had DS we made a trip to Costco and I asked him to pick out stuff that he'd want for dinner PP so I wouldn't have to cook and run to the store. He didn't want to stock up on anything, claiming that he would run to the store and make dinners, so I dropped it. Well, now he is saying that he changed his mind and every night he comes home and asks me what's for dinner . So, if I don't take time to run to the store and cook dinner, he is going to go get the fam fast food which drives me up the wall. I have to admit that it is difficult not being able to get more stuff done, but i keep trying to tell myself that I'll never get this time with DS back, and that eases the frustration. BUt, I also feel SOOO guilty not being able to give my DD more attention. Before DS I would take DD to local amusement parks and parks very frequently, at least something fun for her once per weekend, but since DS was born, we've barely done anything for our DD. My husband will take her to costco and target and that's their big outing for the day. I feel like if I don't do something special with her it won't get done... Do I sound like a crazy person? Anyway, hopefully having a better baby carrier will make outings more manageable. I have an infantino carrier that's very difficult to nurse in, and an ergo baby which is VERY comfy, but DS isn't quite big enough... just ordered the infant insert tonight. Anyhow, I'm off to bang my head against a wall. Thanks for your help.

Re: Around the clock

Oh, now I am all at your DH! He knows you're having trouble nursing this baby and he's adding difficulty to your life. Grrrr!

I would insist that your DH make a Costco run and pick out stuff that he wants to eat. Ban the fast food, and remind him that he said he would shop and make dinners after the baby was born. Don't let him weasel out of this with "Oh, I thought it was just going to be a week or two, I didn't mean that I was going to do it for longer than that"! Because he's being a fool if he thinks that you can adjust to a new baby and run a house without letting something slip for a few months, and you can tell him I said so.

One thing that helped me get back into the swing of things with the house was to make a list of major chores, and to accomplish one a day. Monday was laundry (I mean wash only! I didn't fold ANYTHING. Clean laundry lived in the basket until it was dirty again!). Tuesday was vacuum. Wednesday was mop. Thursday was change the sheets. Friday was clean the bathrooms. And that was all I did for months, after my FIRST kid was born. After the second, I got a cleaning lady for the first 6 months or so.

Don't tolerate snarkiness and laziness from your DH. If he sees a mess, he can clean it up. If he is hungry, he can cook. If the toddler is bored, he can entertain her- and a trip to Costco is fine entertainment for a toddler! The one thing your DH can't do is nurse the baby. That- and ONLY that- is your job.

Re: Around the clock

^WSS!! Aside from that practical advice I wanted to add that DH might need to hear "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all" and that's the nice way of saying it. If Dh comments on an undone chore he is volunteering to do it.

Re: Around the clock

To add another layer to this s*** cake, he has voiced his doubts about me ever becoming a SAHM because all I do is "sit around and nurse" and that's "not how it's going to be ". He also has criticized me because my first night watching both kids (he took a call out) I couldn't bathe DD because DS, who was about one month old, was wanting to nurse. It was presented as another reason I couldn't be a SAHM because I "couldn't even do that." I'm just ranting, he is a great guy even though it may not seem like it, but right now I feel like I'm being expected to do too much. Thank you for understanding.

Re: Around the clock

I think a wrap will help immensely. I also think that even though there is no "right answer" about when, the general answer is usually between 6&12 weeks. So if you are at 10 weeks now the sky may part for you soon. In the mean time, besides a wrap/sling, what about a SWING?? Do you have a swing. At about that age I could put my son down in one and he would happily stare at the wall for a good 10-15minutes.

Re: Around the clock

I am dictating this on my phone so things don't always come out right I apologize in advance we are in the middle of a power outage.
Do you have a crockpot crockpot make making dinner so much easier
I've had to start making dinner in the morning. (on non-crockpot days) Because of my older kids School and sports schedule and the fact that my baby could interrupt me at anytime I found that I cannot make dinner at dinner time or anywhere near it so instead I make everything in the morning when things tend to be a little more calm and put it in the fridge and and heat up individual plates in the microwave when needed.
Shopping is a challenge there is no doubt. I either shop on the weekend with baby while my husband does something with our older boys or I do short shopping session in the morning before I have to pick my middle boy up from kindergarten. I found if I keep shopping trips kind of short and don't try to do a giant shopping all if once it is sometimes more manageable.
I don't know how old is your older child is but children do not need amusement parks and such to have fun take your child and your baby to the park or for a walk or invite a friend over for a play date.
Kids do not need a bath every day.
Were things really so different when your daughter was a baby? yes children are different some babies are much more difficult than others some babies are much more needy and need to nurse more often than others or need more attention. But I have yet to meet meet a mother of a new baby especially if it's their first baby who felt in the swing of things at 10 weeks.
I don't know what to say about what your husband has said to you. you say he is a great guy so I'm going to take your word for it. a great guy would want what was best for his baby and there can be no doubt that breast milk and having their needs for near constant love and attention which many of them prefer to get by nursing, met is what is best for a young baby. So perhaps he just needs to learn more about the benefits of breast milk, what is normal at this stage, and how breast-feeding works?

Re: Around the clock

Does he know that his comments are hurting you? Because he needs to know. Those comments are clearly undermining your confidence. You will get into the groove but its always tough if not impossible to have everything clean at once and a perfect dinner every night and everything done. Have you asked him who is he to be the judge, arbiter and supervisor of your work at home? He is not your boss, he is your partner and he needs to be reminded of that (calmly, preferably with a list of specific things he can do that will help, the minimum being that his negative comments need to stop).