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Angela, Counselor

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I am married for 12 years and my wife in her late 40s, wants

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I am married for 12 years and my wife in her late 40's, wants to go dancing w/ her old friends. Some of her friends will be with husbands and boy friends but she admits she will have more fun (since I do not know her old friends so well) if she went with out me. She asked me to go but was hoping I would say no but I said sure. I understand she wants to reminis w/ her old girl friends but should I be slighted here? I trust her 100% but is it ok for her to go out w/ 'couples' w/o me? Am I too sensitive for feeling a bit hurt?

Hello my name is Angela. I am more than happy to assist you with your questions by giving you my honest and respectful opinion.

It is only natural that you would feel hurt since you found out that she asked you to go but really hoped you would say no- you are not feeling too sensitive here. Due to you trusting her 100% it should be okay for her to go out with couples since your relationship is built upon trust. However, I believe you feel slighted because of the entire way she handled the situation along with the fact that you will be left behind- your feelings are valid. Therefore, I suggest talking to her about this and sharing your feelings with her along with asking her in the future to just be honest with you. For example, for her to simply tell you that she would like to go out with her girlfriends, couples, etc. without you and then to discuss it with you. Also, you could go out with some of your friends alone so that you can also have some time alone with your friends (-there's nothing wrong with this, everyone needs to have some alone time from their spouse to do their own thing as long as it is done in a respectful manner).

I am ok w/ your answer and fine w/ girls goign out w/ girlsbut when couples are involved don't you feel it is rude to say my other half is not here because ??? I did not think he would enjoy it or i wanted to be more "myself" I understan what you say but I truly enjoy spending tiem w/ my wife I guess and at my age of 49 not into the hanging out w/ the guys anymore. I guess i just need to deal w/ this try not to be so sensitive.

I think it is disrespectful towards you for her to lie and say you are not there because you would not enjoy it etc. She should be honest with her friends and tell them that she just wanted to come alone by doing this she would be acting respectful to you and being honest about the situation. Also, there is nothing wrong with you feeling left out, you are human and you want to go but she does not want you to go so in this sense you are not being to sensitive because you simply want to go with her. Maybe you can discuss this with her and perhaps she can have a special date night out with you to make up for this since she wants to go out alone with her friends this time....see what she thinks because it's a perfectly reasonable suggestion. You are compromising by staying home and she can compromise by going out with you for a special date night with just the two of you.

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