Threesome Guide for Couples Pt. 01

Many of have seen porno movies of threesomes. Some of us have used them as a catalyst to start the conversation with our significant other, others have used them as a bridge to start a threesome, and others wonder how to make it happen in reality. Others of us may find pornos a bit too humorous to watch with the bad acting and bad scripts, instead the idea of having a threesome has come about from "pillow talk" during foreplay. Whatever the source for considering the idea, this series will be a guide on having a threesome and it will cover most aspects that a couple will encounter including some misperceptions. It will cover the main points such as terminology, fantasy versus reality, communication, boundaries, choosing the third, friend versus stranger, safety, two male versus two female threesome, variations of threesomes, and when a threesome is right for a couple. Finally it should be noted that is information is an opinion that may or may not work for couples.

Scope

The perspective that I will be using will be that of a committed couple exploring the idea of having a threesome. While my writings may at times seem not to advocate the idea, I tend to present a balanced approach, in order for anyone considering the idea to appreciate what the decision may entail. The type of threesome that I will exploring is the general threesome that does not involve an open relationship. My reason for choosing the perspective is that I do feel for a couple that is in a committed relationship they have the most to loose if threesome goes wrong and I feel that there is allot of misinformation out there. As a writer I do accept that some couples can discuss the idea once and have a perfectly enjoyable threesome. However I do feel such a situation is fraught with risks and may pose potential problems later for the couple. Therefore my perspective is one that I hope With that said the information presented hopefully will help couples, along with helping single males to understand the process for couples, helping single females, and hopefully help some more experienced couples too.

Chapter 1 -- The Beginning

This chapter will look at the first step, which is considering the idea and how to approach the subject with your significant other. This chapter will be divided into two parts. First part will discuss introspection, the process of examining the idea and the second part will examine how to bring up the idea.

Introspection

It goes without saying that having a threesome or even discussing a threesome will forever change a relationship. Reaching the decision to have a threesome must be a decision that each person makes freely without undue influence and both must be in agreement to what will happen in the threesome. The process needed to reach the decision of having a threesome is a journey that begins with the first step of introspection. Before even having the first discussion it is important to broadly understand what are asking your partner to undertake and what you will, potentially, be exposing yourself. By proposing a threesome to your significant other you are in essence asking them to consider either having sex with someone else while you watch or having them watch while you have sex with someone. In the event you are asking your significant other to have sex with someone else it is important that you begin to understand that nothing can fully prepare yourself for watching your partner having sex with someone else. For many couples, the suggestion borders on the idea of acceptable cheating and can bring about a plethora of emotional responses. Therefore, it is important to do some introspection before even starting the conversation.

Probably the best starting point is beginning to understand that there is a difference between fantasy of having a threesome, like in a porno movie, and the stark realities of having a threesome because there is a vast difference. In a fantasy you can be the producer, director, writer, actor / actress, cameraperson, and stage crew. This means you have complete artistic control of the scene and complete control of the outcome. Whereas, in reality you are one person is a three person arrangement that has, no control over the other two and the only control you have is how you choose to react to events that are occurring. Once you can grasp that how you see the threesome happening in your mind's eye is not going to the how it happens then you are reads to begin to run through what a threesome might look like and how it might turn out.

Trying to figure out what type of threesome that might work for you as a couple and what it might entail takes some work. Reality is there are two strands that need to be considered. One strand is trying to do some research. This is not always easy because the subject is relatively taboo and not much is written about it. The literature out there tends to toss a wide blanket over the subject that includes swinging, group sex, and open relationships. Moreover this means you will need to read allot and disseminate the information that is applicable to your situation. Second strand it running through in your mind's eye an examination of the subject from 360° perspective. Areas you probably would want to consider are potential boundaries, risks, your partner's reaction to the idea, who do you want to invite, type of person to be invited, issues, concerns, safety (personal and sexual), structure of the threesome, and where to find them. In addition you need to consider areas like what if... happens and if it did happen how would it be addressed? Essentially you are running through different scenarios and coming up with contingency plans for them. After you have done some initial research, given the idea some consideration, and still feel it is an idea worth pursing then the next step is starting the initial discussion.

First Discussion

As a couple you may have watched porno movies with threesomes or role played the idea with great results in the bedroom. You may have included a few people that you know as a way to enhance the experience or the idea has something that is never discussed. Regardless of what role the fantasy of having a threesome may play the one thing that is still missing is a discussion outside of the bedroom regarding this idea. This section will examine this aspect.

Introducing the idea is never easy and it is unpredictable. Allot of where future discussions go depends to some extent on this discussion and your knowledge of your partner's reaction to discussions that can become involved. Many people who consider bringing up the idea believe seek a magical formula that can convince their partner to have a threesome but the reality is the only way to reach the point of having a threesome is through communicating with each other. Furthermore, even if the first discussion is successful it still means there is more discussing that needs to occur and it is therefore important to see this as a journey, not a sprint to have a threesome. The only way to have this discussion is by being direct and forthright. Using euphemisms, being passive, speaking indirectly, speaking about the idea during the "heat of passion" in the bedroom or bringing up the subject by using sock puppets acting out the proposed idea can only lead to misunderstandings later. It is only by speaking honestly, respecting each other's feelings, speaking about the subject outside of the bedroom, and listening to what each other says will lead to this issue getting some direction. At this point I could go through some suggestions on how to bring up the idea but my feeling is that it would distract form the discussion and I feel there a numerous ways an individual could lead into the discussion and much of it depends on your knowledge of your partner.

This now leads to the question how do you bring up the subject? Bringing up the subject does not mean you have to be brutally direct about it nor does it mean you need blurt out the subject while spending time together. Instead it means being prepared, using what you have learned during your introspection, and using what you know about your partner to time the discussion. This means there is a bit of timing in the subject and it should happen when the two of you can discuss the subject rationally. Moreover it means that you have work through how you will bring it up and you have worked out, to some extent, the type of reaction you expect from your partner.

Your planning and your partner's reaction will dictate your next step. Should your partner not be receptive, at this stage to the idea, then I would recommend taking time to build up the relationship so that they feel secure and then reproach the subject in no earlier than 12 months time. It maybe your partner is not receptive to idea or it may mean they need time to process the information. Giving time to process the information and being willing to answer any questions that they may bring up will help to move the process forward. In addition because of the unpredictable nature of having the discussion it means being restrained, patient, not rushing it and understanding may help more than trying to be confrontation about it. However if your partner seems receptive to the idea your first reaction should not be finding threesome and swinger's sites to join. Instead it means talking about it some more and it may mean that as couple you may have to come back to it at a later time when you do not have distractions. Once the two of you reach agreement about discussing the idea further then you are ready for the next step which is the next chapter.