Gratitude... goes beyond the "mine" and "thine" and claims the truth that all of life is a pure gift. In the past I always thought of gratitude as a spontaneous response to the awareness of gifts received, but now I realize that gratitude can also be lived as a discipline. The discipline of gratitude is the explicit effort to acknowledge that all I am and have is given to me as a gift of love, a gift to be celebrated with joy.
-Henri J. M. Nouwen

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Enough

"God is not glorified if the foundation of our gratitude is the worth of the gift and not the excellency of the Giver. If gratitude is not rooted in the beauty of God before the gift, it is probably disguised idolatry. May God grant us a heart to delight in him for who he is so that all our gratitude for his gifts will be the echo of our joy in the excellence of the Giver!"John Piper, A Godward Life

I have been living on manna for over a year now. Since I lost my job last April and all through my pregnancy, recovery and our move here to Ohio God was teaching me the important lesson of waking each morning and rejoicing I had what I needed for that day because of His provision. I know we all do it, but I think I am particularly prone to becoming attached to things. I love beautiful clothes and handbags. I love beautiful furniture and linens. These things have always been a way for me to reflect to others who I am. Not all I am but certainly one part of me. I justified the value I placed on them because I felt they reflected my care and good taste and diligent work. I also subconsciously always felt I deserved these things.

During this last move I once again, out of necessity, had to sell some things that I thought were very important to me. I sold my big white French country bed, I sold my bookcases, my china hutch and my ash table which I always joked my grandchildren would fight over. My books are still in boxes in the basement. I still have windows without treatments. Only the absolutely necessary dishes are in the cupboards instead of the beautiful and sentimental ones and our bed is on rails. So I struggle with the idea of having ENOUGH. After over a year of no "disposable" income, you begin to see your socks are more than a little thin, you haven't added one new thing to your wardrobe, the towels are frayed and there is not really a day in the future when you can see beginning to shop again or replenish the things you lost. I would be lying if I didn't admit I become disgruntled at times and discontent, but during this purging process the empty space left by the things has been filled with manna for my soul.

My dad asked me the other day how we were doing, and I laughed as I answered him. We are good. I feel blessed because we can afford the groceries we need. We have health. We have relationships full of meaning. Most importantly we have a deeper knowledge of the Giver of all gifts. In the words of Chris Tomlin's song Enough,

All of You is more than enough for all of meFor every thirst and every needYou satisfy me with Your loveAnd all I have in You is more than enough

Thank you for emptying my mind and heart and life to be filled with ENOUGH.

My girls

Books I'm reading or reading again and again

Quotes that inspire me

“God is not a belief to which you give your assent. God becomes a reality whom you know intimately, meet everyday, one whose strength becomes your strength, whose love, your love. Live this life of the presence of God long enough and when someone asks you, “Do you believe there is a God?” you may find yourself answering, “No, I do not believe there is a God. I know there is a God.” ~Ernest Boyer, Jr.

"there is no use trying," said alice... ..."one can't believe impossible things." "i dare say you haven't had much practice," said the queen. "when I was your age, i always did it for half an hour a day. Why, sometimes i've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast."

"To live content with small means; to seek elegance rather than luxury, and refinement rather than fashion; to be worthy, not respectable, and wealthy, not, rich; to listen to stars and birds, babes and sages, with open heart; to study hard; to think quietly, act frankly, talk gently, await occasions, hurry never; in a word, to let the spiritual, unbidden and unconscious, grow up through the common--this is my symphony." William Henry Channing

"PEACE. It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart." Unknown

Lines from Jack Kerouac’s On the Road: “The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved. The ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars.”