help i feel abandoned

Aisha - posted on 06/07/2013
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Hi.Just want some advice please on how to deal with husband who has gone abroad.I have 5 children including a teenager, a toddler and a new baby, so my husband deciding to go was a bad time, but in the end we agreed 4-5 wks would be ok..since he hasn't seen his mother for a few years.After our discussion he went behind my back and booked his visit for 8 weeks?!I couldn't believe it, I was soooo upset I mean its a looooong time to cope on my own, plus I would miss him soo much. I don't want to be without him that long. I insisted he change the date and he said he would when he got over there. I trusted he would do the right thing.He didn't pay the bills before he went, do a big food shop or leave me any money. Told me to do what u want..borrow from someone..he simply dumped me right init with everything. Our children to take care, housework, shopping, bills, school runs, appointments etc... Surprise surprise when he got there and a few weeks passed, he rang to tell me he would stay there, he might as well now hes there!!Hes not asked how im coping. Even though I told him no ones been around. I have to leave the youngest two home alone in the cot when I do the school run, or go shops. Which kills me, but I have noonne who would help me out EVERYDAY! That person would have to move in!! if I get desperate I have to "DUMP" the kids with family but they have their own stuff...It breaks my heart that the kids are suffering and hes not bothered. Hes travelling and enjoying himself while im running around keeping on top of everything! I also feel hurt like hes betrayed me. I trusted him. I don't think I want him back now. I told him not to bother coming back... What do I do? Please help?

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â« Shawnn âªâ«â« - posted on 06/07/2013

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well, first, you rethink some of your decisions right now. You're leaving the two youngest home ALONE while you take others to school or do your shopping run? Where I live, that is child neglect and endangerment, and I'd turn your butt in. I have turned my best friend in for the same infraction, because that is just plain not thinking on your part. And yes, that's damned harsh to hear, but it's the truth. Those babies COULD NOT SAVE THEMSELVES in case of emergency, and you'd be wrecked if something happened to them. So PLEASE at the very least, change that part of what you're doing right now.

As for the rest, your husband is a narcissistic asshole, and is thinking only of himself. Since he's revealed this side to you, you can prepare by starting to sock funds away for yourself and your children, in preparation for separation and divorce. He's disregarding you, your children and their (and your) needs, and that is not OK. He has effectively abandoned you, although you should be able to qualify for public assistance at the very least, in a temporary fashion, until you can figure out what's going on.

I recommend that you start making a plan to take care of yourself and your children, because your husband is not going to change without a lot of work and effort on both of your parts.

Before you do the ultimate thing and leave him, please do consider getting him to try relationship counseling to repair the deficiencies in the relationship as it stands.