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More and more we have come to understand the darkness and the pain through people like Rebecca Marino, who won’t be playing professional tennis anymore.

You may know her name. Chances are better you do not. She was once ranked as high as 38th in the world, at one time the best Canadian female tennis player on the planet. But her surprising retirement came Wednesday, even if she didn’t use that word herself. She says she’s stepping back from tennis, which is the basically the same as stepping out.

She doesn’t want to be alone anymore to deal with her depression, on the road, away from family and friends, unable to get out of bed some days, unable to get dressed on others.

“I don’t think it was worth sacrificing my happiness over,” Marino said in a surprising conference call interview. “I do not have the passion to drive myself anymore.”

And then she described too many of her days: “You have this smothered feeling of grey and lack of motivation to do things,” she said. “That’s how it affected me.”

We are hearing this kind of story more and more often as mental health becomes a topic intertwined with so many professional athletes. And we will be hearing more from Rebecca Marino, who wants to talk about depression because she believes it’s a topic worth being very public about.

She wants to dispel the stigma of mental illness. She doesn’t want people to hide from it, the way she hid herself at times. “If I can share my story and help one person, then it’s worth it,” she said.

It has not been a charmed ride for Marino, even though it can seem that way from the outside. She suffers from depression still, has had help for it, believes she is on the right medication, can get through the day better than most. But in her tennis life, that wasn’t all there was.

She was overwhelmed with social media, with the good and the dreadful and the hurtful that can be Facebook and Twitter, couldn’t find a way to compartmentalize it, and she held accounts in both until cancelling them the other day. She is just 22 years old, a kid really, and the world seemed to be closing in on her.

She was a perceived victim of cyberbullying, the way many of us are victims of cyberbullying. There is so much hatred out there today from anonymous cowards. It comes in many forms and in her case she had trouble ignoring the worst.

“My depression came way before the cyberbullying,” she said. “But social media has taken its toll on me. It’s not the main reason (I’m stepping away). Neither is the depression.

It’s a combination of everything: Mostly how she felt and felt about herself.

“I don’t want to discredit social media but personally I find it quite distracting. Getting some comments on there that were very hurtful. The hurtful ones stick to you. I was getting messages that I should go die or I should burn in hell and that was just scratching the surface.”

She walked away from Twitter and Facebook before officially walking away from tennis. She’ll likely not go back to any of them.

At one time, Marino was a young athlete, away from home, living a lonely life, out of country, when depression took over her life. She didn’t know what it was at first, didn’t tell anyone about it. Eventually she opened up to her family and friends, calling it the most difficult thing she’s ever done.

“Depression is nothing to be ashamed of,” she said, and went on to describe the vicious cycle of negativity that can surround it. “If I can open up, I hope I can encourage someone to get the help that I got.

“Many people have the outlook that life as a professional athlete is quite glamorous. I would beg to differ, especially at the lower ranks. You’re struggling for dollars, you’re away from your family...”

It can be a very lonely existence. You miss friends, family, birthdays, anniversary’s, births, deaths. “I’m tired of missing that … There’s more to life than just tennis for me.”

She left the game for a while, returned recently, but discovered you can’t play at the highest levels unless you’re all in. She couldn’t be all in anymore. “It was becoming more and more apparent I didn’t have the passion for it.”

In some ways, she can be a more significant figure in retirement than she was on the courts. She can be another voice for a place where voices are badly needed. Another name to call on when times are tough.

Rebecca Marino wants to dispel the stigma of mental illness

More and more we have come to understand the darkness and the pain through people like Rebecca Marino, who won’t be playing professional tennis anymore.

You may know her name. Chances are better, you do not. She was once ranked as high as 38th in the world, at one time the best Canadian female tennis player on the planet. But her surprising retirement came Wednesday, even if she didn’t use that word herself. She says she’s stepping back from tennis, which is the basically the same as stepping out.

She doesn’t want to be alone anymore to deal with her depression, on the road, away from family and friends, unable to get out of bed some days, unable to get dressed on others.

“I don’t think it was worth sacrificing my happiness over,” Marino said in a surprising conference call interview. “I do not have the passion to drive myself anymore.”

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