Don’t judge a programme on the premise – Sexy Beasts was strangely watchable

The premise behind Sexy Beasts is classic BBC3, examining an aspect of pop-culture, in this case love and dating, in a completely contrived situation, like being dressed as a witch riding on the dodgems.

To address the issue of judging people on their appearance the producers of Sexy Beasts decided to put people in prosthetic makeup and see if it’s possible for them to gel, then have a big reveal and hope they either start cuddling on-screen or run away crying. Dating couldn’t get stranger than this.

Having said that, Sexy Beasts is strangely watchable. Along the same lines as Snog, Marry, Avoid and Hotter than my Daughter it features a selection of overconfident datees and particularly picky daters.

Bethany was looking for love – but had quite a specific list (Picture: BBC)

In episode one fashion student Bethany was looking for love, preferably with a short, tanned guy but what would she find among her three beasts?

Scott, from Essex has lots of cash and hates girls in leggings uttering the most disgusting of phrases ‘dirty camel toe’. Josh, an Olympic rower disguised as the undead and Ricardo an unassuming alien for the purpose of the programme, a psychologist in real life.

I imagine/hope his taking part was part of a research project.

Scott revealed he had walked out on quite a lot of dates before (Picture: BBC)

The set up is kind of like Blind Date with an initial speed date, followed by a second date for two lucky beasts.

Blind Date combined with a witness protection scheme. The only thing missing was crude innuendoes.

Josh wowed on the speed date immediately asking Beth if she would have sex with him in his makeup disguise. To which the answer was no. Beth was confused by Ricardo’s job description, taking him to be some kind of Harry Potter mind-reader, rather than a psychologist.

Scott was doing well, ticking Beth’s Essex boy accent box, till he started boasting about his cars and stables, and was so kind as to offer her a job.

Poor Ricardo was the first to be rejected by Bethany (Picture: BBC)

With some relief Ricardo was ousted to the ‘Beast Bin’ following the speed dates and was revealed to be very good-looking. ‘You look nothing like what I thought!’ Beth told Ricardo, ‘might have been the alien mask’ he replied.

But it was too late Beth had chosen Scott and Josh to accompany her out again.

A swing dance lesson with Josh went well, without him impolitely propositioning her. Scott took Beth to an arcade where they also got along well, until he told a horror story about a previous date with a girl on a bike. Whatever you do, don’t put a girl on a bike in front of Scott, he became increasingly incensed at the memory. What a catch.

Josh – went for a swing dance with Bethany (Picture: BBC)

When it came down to the final reveal Beth picked Josh, despite his unconnected brain and mouth, turned out he was pretty good-looking too, as was Beth. And Scott.

In fact beneath their masks everyone was beautiful, rather devaluing the point of the programme.

The final test is a third date to which the dater and datee are both invited. If they still liked each other mask-less it was up to both to turn up.

Happily Beth and Josh did both bother and we left them sipping champagne, planning their future together which will definitely last longer than the bottle of free bubbly, we hope.

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