Police Found $56 Million Worth of Actual Coke at Coca-Cola Factory

Maybe your wingnut uncle who’s always going on about Coke’s secret cocaine trafficking is onto something after all. French police were called in to investigate the “accidental discovery” workers made at one of the soda giant’s plants this week: 815 pounds of lowercase-C coke worth an estimated $56 million. The drugs, hidden inside a shipment of orange-juice concentrate (time to give that Minute Maid another try?), arrived in a container from South America. Officials say it’s one of the largest finds ever on French soil and have referred to the discovery as “a very bad surprise.”

Coca-Cola’s regional president actually says employees have already been cleared of any involvement, but you should probably get ready anyway for a statement again countering claims that dope has ever been an “added ingredient” in anything it produces, whether that’s original Coke, orange juice, or even the highly suspect-sounding Mello Yello.