I have found the best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it.Harry S Truman (1884 - 1972)~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Secret Cat Diary

DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from shredding the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant and cough it up on the carpeting.

DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favourite chair...must try this on their bed (again).

DAY 762 - Slept all day so that I could annoy my captors with sleep depriving, incessant pleas for food at ungodly hours of the night.

DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was...Hmmm. Not working according to plan...

DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth and the tiny bit of flesh under my claws.

DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "beer." More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The Bird on the other hand has got to be an informant. He has mastered their frightful tongue (something akin to mole speak) and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rules For Women

1. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up put it down.

2. Don't cut your hair. Ever.

3. Don't make us guess.

4. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

5. Sometimes, he's not thinking about you. Live with it.

6. He's never thinking about "The Relationship."

7. Get rid of your cat. And no, it's not different, it's just like every other cat.

8. Dogs are better than cats.

9. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

10. Shopping is not everybody's idea of a good time.

11. Anything you wear is fine. Really.

12. You have enough clothes.

13. You have too many shoes.

14. Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don't expect us to like it.

15. Your brother is an idiot.

16. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.

17. No, he doesn't know what day it is. He never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.

18. Share the bathroom

19. Share the closet.

20. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers.

21. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

22. Nothing says 'I love you' like sex in the morning.

23. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.

24. Check your oil.

25. Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.

26. Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do we.

27. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

28. Yes, pissing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank range. We're bound to miss sometimes.

29. Yes, and No are perfectly acceptable answers.

30. Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.

31. If you don't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

32. Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are?

33. Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.

34. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done-not both.

35. Women wearing Wonder bras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.

36. Don't make 50 rules when 36 will do.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rules For Men

1. The Female always makes The Rules.

2. The Rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification.

3. No Male can possibly know all The Rules.

4. If the Female suspects the Male knows all The Rules, she must immediately change some or all of The Rules.

5. The Female is never wrong.

6. (If the Female is wrong, it is because of a flagrant misunderstanding which was a direct result of something the Male did or said wrong.)

Good morning Joe,Ana,Haroula,and all who follow me in I didn't think it was going to stop snowing yesterday,but then finally around 4:00 it did We are covered in white again there's about a foot here Gail and Gerry did you's get a lot? I'll put the coffee on enjoy the day everyone

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I may not have gone where I intended to go,but I think I have ended up where I need to be.

Good morning everyone. I think I will put Easter decorations out today. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful Saturday. Danish, Biscuits and Sausage Gravy, and Hot Chcolate in the NC. Biscuit bottoms for L4L.

Ana sorry yesterday was not a good one. HUGS! Glad the dogs were there for you! May today be way better and the project move right along for ya. At least if you have to spend the day in the corner the weather is helping some.

Haroula hope you have a lovely day!

Cailyn and Gerry becareful in all that snow. Have a nice day!

Connie have fun decorating!! Only three weeks away!! Thanks for the danish!

venus I'll send you any and all the snow you want. There is plenty here and some of it landed last December. Happy Gaming!

Gail have fun clothes shopping and enjoy lunch! You sure have been busy to have all that snow removed already!!! Take it easy today and hope this is the end of the snow for the year.

Space have a nice weekend.

Oh Soot I hope you can find out the problem with the PC!! Nice to have another means of getting here though. Have a nice day!

No plans here but to watch the snow fall and there later today it might just turn to rain.

Morning guys, Soot is working on his PC and surfing on his IPad, son is still sleeping, boys are playing on a Fire each, and I'm listening to news and surfing Kickstarter. It's supposed to be a most beautiful day out there and I think son will be taking the kids to enjoy the outdoors once he is awake and moving. I'm also working on teaching Lil Soot to recall on tone. We have to cure his habit of sitting outside and yapping for someone to come play, all while being sure he is Not within finger reach

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"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole." -Roger Caras