WOW! So, I completely skipped the month of July, which is probably for the best. Progress puppy means progress was supposed to be had eh? It’s not awful. I’ve made progress, just not as much as I’d hoped for. Small excuses lead to big excuses and before you know it I’m back at the start. One thing I have noticed is there is a direct correlation between blogging and my attitude towards my debt. I think I kind of lost sight of the big picture. Well, not the whole picture, but my focus seems to have gone astray when it comes to discipline. So, I’m going to try my darnedest to get back to blogging regularly in hopes that it will help me get my butt back on track. Here are the magnificent numbers.

We must go down further men!

Disappointment in an array of colors….

Has anyone else picked up on the trend here? Pay,spend,pay,spend, pay, spend. Ugh. I’ve come up with a new strategy that I’m hoping will help to eliminate this tendency. If the rest of August goes like I originally planned, it should be a great step towards paying off another card, but only time will tell. On a more positive note tomorrows Friday. TGIMFF!

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Raise your hand if you haven’t been able to sleep because you were too excited to hear about my BIG news. Just as I suspected, no one.

In the short time since I last posted I received some more BIG news. So where should I start? BIG little news or BIG BIG news?

Okay, BIG little news first. Since I’ve been awful at blogging here’s a brief refresher. In June, I set up my usual monthly goals. Click here for a memory jog. Welllllll it’s now August and I only completed one of those. Ha-Ha! Guess which one though! Go on, guess! Okay fine I’ll tell you. THIS ONE!

I got me a pocket full of A’s. 🙂 ::happy dance:: There is a brain in this head! In all seriousness though, I worked my tailbone off, and sprouted a couple gray hairs, but I did it. I’m so proud of myself, which I honestly say, I have not been for a looooong time.

Now onto the BIG BIG news. I don’t know if I should deliver this all at one time. I hope everyone is able to handle all this BIG news at once. So my long-term followers know that my heart and soul belong somewhere else. For all my new comers you can read about my love affair here, here, here, and here. My last internal dispute regarding this topic happened here. I was torn but ultimately I went with “no”, again. Wellllllllllllllllllll, due to some pretty awesome, fabulous, loving, best parents in the world, I’m f#($ing going to Hawaii y’all! AHHHHHHHHHHH. I know! Are you crying? Don’t worry, I did too when I found out. I have a seat assignment and everything. So I know it’s really happening and I’m not being punk’d. I can’t believe it. I’m still kind of in shock. There’s a really good chance I’m not coming back but y’all can visit me! I’ve started a countdown to annoy the shit out of everyone.

HHHHHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY I remember you guys!! Kitten kisses for all!! Sooooooo obviously I took a little unannounced vacation from the blogging world…. my bad. Between school, and work, and procrastination, I was having some stress issues. That was the climax of this story. Now we’re at the resolution. I’m coming up on the last week on school and I’ve finally had time to breathe. SO SO SO SO much has happened. Well, I don’t know about all that much, but it sure as f#($ feels like it was a lot. For starters, I still procrastinate the shit out of everything. One would assume you would learn after the first time but this is me were talking about. Old habits die-hard. My debt….yea, about that. Its, um, still there. Hasn’t gotten worse but definitely has not gotten better. 0_o This paycheck is the return of lean, mean, stricter Diane, jumping back up on this horse. I’m being very vague with everything here because if I spill my guts now, I won’t have anything to talk about for the next 3 weeks. Plus, for those of you who don’t stalk me on Facebook, like my real Facebook, not this site’s Facebook, I have some BIG EFFING NEWS!! Like Earth’s rotation stopping kind of news. At least in my own world. :0) No I am not pregnant….. or engaged…. nor did I win the lotto. Stay tuned. Sweet D has missed all you silly asses!

No need for a standing ovation you guys

D

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Oh my little tiger lilies I’ve neglected you once again. I’m probably the worst kind of blogger there is. That’s not even talking about the grammar portion. I was in hiatus. School was overwhelming me and still is. Not overwhelming, but stressing me the f#$* out. The holiday in the middle of the week jacked me up. I’ve put off so much work at work that I’m now in panic catch up mood. I spent money, a lot more than I should have. A giant polar bear maliciously attacked me. I made up that part. I figured since I seemed full of excuses that I would try my hand at an imaginary one. I have this eerie feeling that I’m going to get fired, from both jobs. Maybe it’s my conscience telling me to shape up or maybe it’s my subconscious wishing I could be unemployed. No worries though, the logical part of my brain chimes in real fast. It makes sure to tell me to straighten the f#($ up because you would have collections on your ass so fast, you need your jobs. I’m thinking more and more about entrepreneurship. I could be my own boss, sleep however late I wanted to, make up my own hours, and pay myself a six figure salary. It’d be awesome. I just gotta find the “entre” or “preneurship” of that idea, which ever is the business definition of that word. I’ve got the person, I just need the business. Yes, I understand I can’t pay myself six figures without having the business that would allow me to bill six figures. Gosh! Why do you guys have to be such dream crushers! Let a girl dream for a little!

In other news Ted is an awful movie and anyone who said it was “hilarious” should be shot in the foot because that’d be funny then that movie.

Happy Muggle Day, because today I’m a wizard.

D

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Now that I’ve had some sleep and no longer have the idea of setting all of AT&T on fire in my brain, I feel like I could maybe write a post. I may have unintentionally drugged myself with a lot of caffeine Monday night. I literally did not sleep a wink. Not even 5 minutes. It left me in some kind of glassy eyed dream like state, which was quite the experience. I know how the cool kids must feel. Yesterday I had started to write and about 2 minutes in I was like I don’t even know what planet I’m on right now there is no way I can do this. Plus it was pure gibberish even more than normal.

Any way, last paycheck I got REALLY aggressive with one of my payments, like a little way too aggressive. I’m so broke it’s not even funny. I’ve been borrowing money like a mad woman. I’ve been counting down the hours until I get paid since last week. It was 2 days, 52 hours, and 3134 minutes when I wrote this post. However, it is all going to be worth it beeeeccccaauuussseee, pause for dramatic effect, I’ll be paying off another credit card on Friday! 🙂 Toodaloo Mother F#*%er! I’m so excited. It feels so good to see my somewhat skewed discipline working, when I want it too. This will relatively be $300 a month, give or take, that I get to apply to the next card I’m going to tackle. Bring it on Capital One! The anticipated pay off date for this card, if I never spent another dime, is September. Holy. Shit. It’s really hard to believe that this could actually become a reality. That I might actually get out of debt. It’s been a way of life for me for so long. It’s hard to imagine life without minimum payments. I still have a L O N G way to go but I can see that it is possible.

One small step for Diane, one giant leap for Diane’s Debt.

Because who isn’t smiling on the moon?

D

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It’s really unfortunate that I have multiply personalities because they do not make decision-making very easy. A little over two months ago I wrote this. I have now found my way back to this predicament. I was looking through pictures and my heart cried a little. I decided then I wasn’t going to deprive myself of the one, crazy ridiculously expensive, thing I love so much. I have one life to live and I want to make sure I can say I did it, for the most part, without regret. Then I get to the checkout screen for the ticket and all the little minions that were telling me this was a good idea scatter. I’m left with the lone guy in the back corner saying I don’t think this is a good idea. WTF minions! I thought we were in this together! Ugh! Now I’m left in the backyard chasing my own tail round and round and round. Each time I think I’ve reached a decision my brain pulls me in the other direction. I told the bf I think I’m having such a difficult time with this because I seriously know what I should do but I don’t want to accept it. I did a list of pros and cons. That didn’t help because over the years I’ve grown and perfected the technique of justifying. I can justify anything. I sit here and look at my list and can justify each pro to each con and vice versa. It’s madness. I’m going to list all my reasons for going and for not going. PLEASE feel free to shed some sane light on my situation because right now insanity is taking over.

GOING (YAY)

Reason#1 – I am paying for it in cash! This will not hinder my debt nor with it affect the amount I’m paying towards my debt. This is money I have tucked away for a rainy day or if I need to flee the country very fast.

Reason #2 – I’m getting to the age where life is changing, aka growing up. I’m going to have more responsibilities and obligations so I don’t know when or if I would be able to go again. Timing is everything. I could very well be able to go the year after that, I just don’t know, and that’s the scary thing. What if something happens and I can’t. Then I will have missed my opportunity and I will wither away and die. Most likely not but I will have the “if only” factor.

Reason #3 – This is far enough in advance where I could save enough to be able to pay for the whole trip credit free, except when I buy my oceanfront bungalow. Kidding, kind of.

NOT GOING (BOO)

Reason #1 – I would be using all 10 days of my allotted vacation time for 2013. We ALL know how I am with my days. Not.a.good.thing

Reason #2 – I’m in debt. I would probably, and by probably I mean most likely, need to buy “things” because I have an illness. I’m not even going to kind of pretend I wouldn’t because I know me and you know me and it will happen.

Reason #3 – I’m in debt. If I am so willing to tap into my savings to buy this ticket then why wouldn’t I take that money and apply it towards my debt. Rhetorical question, I know why, because that’s not fun! This is the only piece of value I have to my name that is actually MY MONEY. Not credit, or a loan, its actual moo-la.

Now I’m sick of listing reasons and I’m discouraged. I’m huffing and puffing and don’t know what to do. These are the moments in life where I ask myself why couldn’t just be a billionaire.

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::sneaking into the back of the class because you’re late. You’re trying not to get noticed until you trip over a desk and launch all your books in the air::

Teacher: And Ms Richards where have you been?

Me: Um, er, I was busy doing, um, stuff.

Teacher: I’m not buying it. What was so important that you felt you could not only, not show up to class the last 6 days, but that you would think no one would notice?

Me: Um, err, I was busy…. yea, I was busy with stuff.

Teacher: Then you have the nerve to waltz in here like nothing happen and cause a scene! Well we hope for the sake of your future here that you’re prepared to make it up to us because it’s not going to easy.

Me: But I was busy, procrastinating and stuff.

Teacher: ::stern look like we’re not f#@%ing amused::

If you haven’t picked up on it, because I’m horrible with analogies, you guys are the teacher. I’m sorry. I’ve been completely, um, er, busy…. with stuff. It’s been a combination of trying to figure out why I thought getting a second job and starting school again at the same time was a good idea and balancing being a drunk so that I don’t completely lose my outstanding social status. Honestly though I’ve just been busy. Its f$#*ed up y’all. Forgive me? I’ll make it up to you. Probably not though but it always sounds good when you’re trying to make an apology. I was going to share with you the profile/story I had to create for my English class but I thought better of it, because if my teacher ran it through the plagiarizer 5000 this site would probably come up, and I would have a hell of time trying to explain that I didn’t plagiarize myself.

My slackiness all started because I had to write my introductory speech last Thursday and that took all my creative juices. Who would’ve thought writing about yourself would be hard? Then it was Friday and my co-worker wasn’t here so I had to work, again! That’s twice in one month for anyone keeping count. Then it was Saturday and no one checks this, so I just said f#$% it. Then it was Sunday and I was extremely, borderline dying, hung over. Yesterday was Monday and I thought, “Oh I’ll just write tomorrow because it’s not like anyone misses me”. Then I got yelled at on Facebook for not doing my blog and people “like”d that I was being yelled at so this is for you guys. Assholes. 🙂

Cute Puppy Distraction!

Quick Diane, run while they’re distracted!

D

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There are 3 people in this world who know about the madness that is my dreams. I’m not talking about future ambition dreams but like actual dreams that get dreamt at night. They are my mom, my bf and one of my gfs. My gf is the only one who listens and kind of somewhat gets it because she herself can recall her dreams. They are almost as cracked out as mine but I take the icing on the cake.

I guess most people don’t recall their dreams. For as long as I can remember I’ve been able to remember mine which would explain why I have such a distorted perception of the world because who wants to come back to reality when you can have dream land all the time. Generally it’s my mom who gets subjected to listening to my insanity and the conversation usually ends with, “do you do drugs in your room at night?” Most of the time the answer is no, just kidding the answer is always no. D.A.R.E., drugs are really expensive and I’m broke.

Well last night I had one of my more exciting dreams and by exciting I mean I get interactive. I need to be in a sleep study program because the scientist/doctors/aliens would have such a good time watching me. I can’t recall the whole dream, which is rare, because most of the time I can remember the madness from the beginning. Any who, for whatever reason I had won something and I was being given the options for my prizes. They were all pretty shitty to begin with but then they, I don’t know who they was, got to the last one and they were these crabby spiders they released. I explained to my mom, “Not crabby like they had a bad day but crabby like they had hard bodies and ticked when they walked.” Well the release of these crabby spiders made me react in real life. Cue scene.

Me jumping out of bed, staring at my blanket because there could possibly be crabby spiders under there, My thought process.

“oh f@#&, oh f%($, oh f*@%, please don’t be there, please do be there. Shit it’s so dark how am I suppose to know if they’re there or not. I need to find a light to check but my phones on my bed and if I go on my bed and they might attack. I don’t want to flip on my light because it’s going to be so f#&*ing bright and holy shit its 415am! I’m not in the mood for crabby spiders right now.”

I finally flip on my light.

“Okay I don’t see anything but just in case they are under my cover I’ll pull it off really fast.”

I pull my cover and discover, gasp, nothing. I turn off my light and hop back into bed pulling my blanket back on top of me.

“I really hope they didn’t cling to the under part of the blanket I didn’t check.” Last thing I remember.

I mean you can’t make this shit up. This isn’t the first time either. I’ve put on a jacket before, I’ve caught myself in the middle of a conversation with no one, I’ve caught myself with my eyes open. Don’t think to hard about that last one but shit is weird! It usually isn’t until the morning when I have to assess what was real and what wasn’t that I actually recall shit got crazy in the night.

You know who I feel really bad for in this situation? The bf because not only is he going to be subjected to listening to my madness but he’ll also get to experience the interactive dreams first hand when were living together. Yay for you boo! Promise you won’t leave me if I pull the covers off of you in the middle of the night? I’m just ensuring our safety from the crabby spiders.

Anyone else has “interactive” dreams?

D

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I know this because there was a man caught eating another man’s face and because I’ve been one for the past two days now. Well almost, I don’t have the whole eating humans’ thing down yet. That not drinking like it’s my last day on this planet thing didn’t work out so well, again. I did however make it to work on Sunday and this morning. Maybe I was putting too much emphasis on the wrong sylLAble. I should’ve focused more on the going to work part. The next time I’m in this scenario, which will be at the end of this month, I will aim for making it to work alive the next day versus trying to act my age because that has backfired twice now.

In other news I met JENNY FREAKING LAWSON, aka The Bloggess! I’m kind of a big deal now, in my own mind, mostly. She was hilarious, sweet, panicky (her words) and everything I expected her to be. I was shaking, then I was crying, and I don’t even know why. I think when my mind is freaking out it just resorts to crying, which makes it really awkward for me, so stop it mind! Truly though, she was great. I am so inspired by her, because besides being exceptionally hilarious, she is human, and has had human experiences. If she can make it through everything in her life with a smile on her face then so can I. WWJD, that stands for Jenny not Jesus, because I know what Jenny would do, I’m not so sure what Jesus would do.

This qualifies as automatic VIP status in the Unicorn Success Club

Also does anyone remember what today is? Probably not, because I never disclosed that information but I’ll let Nemo help me, help you, remember something I never told you. It’s Monday none of this going to make sense.