Wikipedia reckons Sunscreem had TWELVE UK chart hits, but if I can’t remember them that means they never existed. Which, conveniently, means the one I can remember qualifies them for One-Hit Wonderful. Apparently they did OK in the U.S dance charts, but, you know.

And “Love U More” was quite wonderful, despite some rather odd lyrics. Witness:

You can turn wine into water
As fathers rape their daughters
But you know you can never make me love you more

Awww, ain’t no rapey incest gonna change her love for u.

The video could only have come from the early 90s, with greasy male ponytails, rave curtains and a tartan outfit which might remind readers of a certain age of D:Ream’s Peter Cunnah all featuring. Younger viewers soon to sit their 90s Video Aesthetics 101 exam should note that 78% of British pop videos from 1990 – 1993 were shot in forests.

Two footballers, playing for the same club, and the same country, outlandishly gifted, named Hoddle and Waddle. And they decide to release their single as Glenn and Chris?

I’ve never been able to work out if “Diamond Lights” is as bad as people think it is, mainly because whenever I see this footage I am transfixed by Chris Waddle’s… what would you call that? Moving? I mean, it’s not dancing. Not unless you mean the kind of dancing a drunk does with a lamp-post at four in the morning. And why is his left hand so lifeless? Did he sit on it backstage and send it to sleep?

Could have shown the video for Cola Boy’s 1991 plinky-plonk dance smash, but I think this vintage Top Of The Pops footage captures the early 90s rather well. This was a time when there were no pop stars, just smelly-haired bedroom producers with zero stage presence.

Hence the fragrant shape-throwing of Janey Lee Grace, who moves her mouth to the song’s four lyrics – five if you count “ooh” – while the crowd does that horrible dad-like clapping along they always did to every song, ever.

At the time of writing, this video has received no fewer that 5,413,168 views on ooToo. The most recent comments ‘neath it were left just an hour ago. Such is the enduring appeal of “Down Under”, released in 1982. The song, of course, tells a poignant tale of, um, eating vegemite sandwiches or something.
It is quite literally almost definitely maybe possibly probably impossible to dislike this song. BONZER.

If you thought Emma Bunton was the first to record this, shame on you. Zoe released this back in 1990 and then promptly disappeared. Shame really, because her slightly mental flailing about could have lit up the remainder of the 90s quite nicely.

Unbelievable really. The Zombies are one of the most talented bands who ever graced the airwaves… but they only really had one massive hit, the sublime mod-jazz-pop of ‘She’s Not There’. There’s nothing I can add to make this song more majestic. Watch and weep that all music isn’t this good.
[video: Alquit4]

It’s customary to give the real name of a rapper in articles. So, Skee-Lo (born Antoine Roundtree) had a big hit in ’95 with the De La-flavoured ‘I Wish’ which is probably the most famous hip-hop track dealing specifically with being a short-arse. Anyway, have fun git-gittin’ down to this… altogether now, “I wish I was a little bit taller, I wish I was a baller…“.
[video:dodokun82]

With it being a Friday, I thought I’d give you a dancefloor favourite in the shape of ‘You’re The One That I Want‘ from Grease. However, this ain’t the version you’ll be hearing out tonight. This version is by Hylda Baker and Arthur Mullard – two geriatrics who can’t hold a note for toffee. The tune appeared in the hit parade in the 70s and may well have fared better if it wasn’t for a disasterous Top of the Pops performance (which you can watch here) which saw fluffed lyrics and Arthur utterly confused as to what was happening. Sales plummeted spectacularly after the broadcast. [video:45rpmsingle]

As the days are lighter for longer and the temperature is on the increase, I think we should have something distinctly summery for this week’s One-Hit Wonderful. So, from the sounds of sunny JA, here’s the sublime ‘Uptown Top Ranking’ from Althea & Donna. Get yourself a can o’ Ting and maybe, if so inclined, get stoned outta your tiny mind. No mentioning that Abs track though…
[video:TVFlambart]

This particular one-hit wonder has a particularly big place in my heart as it soundtracked my teens (and many subsequent delves into hallucinogens). ‘Girl At The Bus Stop‘ was a big indie hit in the mid-nineties, before My Drug Hell unfathomably sank without trace, leaving behind one of the most underrated debuts ever cut with This Is My Drug Hell. It was described as “pop perfection” at the time… and that still stands. Watch this great little Super 8 shot video and drop out.
[video: randyatlantis]