Need Input

I have recently had a meeting with someone who works as an advocate for me. During this meeting he confessed to me that he has used hypnotic techniques (specifically Ericksonian) on me. I never gave him explicit consent to do anything of this nature to me and it has left me feeling violated and extremely angry. I need to know if this is actually possible. If it is possible, I need to know how to prevent it from happening again.

Are you sure about this, Richard? I have gaps in my memory when dealing with this person and I don't -get- gaps in my memory. This wasn't an advertiser, this was someone I know and have trusted for a long time coming out and bragging about doing it to me. We were talking about it yesterday while sitting at a cafe I frequently go to and I asked him what he thought of the subject of hypnotism as a casual quip, then he started going on and on about how he 'already did it to me' and went into detail about how it works. All I can say is what he told me himself. Fake or not, I feel violated.

Are you sure about this, Richard? I have gaps in my memory when dealing with this person and I don't -get- gaps in my memory.

BS. You have plenty of gaps in your memory. We all do. Quick, name every locker combination you have ever used in your life. No gaps? You remember every single telephone number you have ever dialed? No gaps? You remember every meal you have ever eaten? You are kidding yourself if you believe you have no gaps except some dealing with this person.

I'm as sure about this as I am sure that the tooth fairy doesn't exist and I am sure the star sign under which I was born has no influence on me. If you are one to believe in astrology then you probably also believe in magic, voodoo dolls, and being covertly hypnotized by a "friend". There is nothing wrong with believing in such things, but then you have answered your own question. Yes, you can be covertly hypnotized by a friend and your horoscope does predict your future.

Magliadoro wrote:Your dismissive attitude isn't at all appreciated. I came here for help, not to be treated like this.

You said you need input. I'm giving you input based on sound, scientific research, validated across multiple domains. While hypnosis has some scientific validity, what your friend claims falls into the same category as any other pseudoscientific realm such as ESP, NLP, and is equally valid as astrology and voodoo.

You either rank scientific findings higher in your beliefs or you don't. Science is not perfect, there is much to be desired, but I find it more useful than horoscopes, tarot cards, palm readings and claims of covert hypnosis. Maybe you don't and like I said, that is perfectly fine.

Your claim you have no memory gaps is obviously false, unless you are some autistic savant.

If you don't like my input, fine. You don't have to accept it as accurate, no big deal. You can keep searching for input that makes you feel good and reinforces what you want to believe.

Regardless, it doesn't change a "friend" claiming they intentionally tried to manipulate you. Does it matter the extent the manipulation was real? Isn't the admitted attempt sufficient enough to end the relationship?

In other words, you could have stated a friend had tried to manipulate you using XYZ method and the advice remains the same. It doesn't matter how they tried, what matters is they tried and that is not a friend. End the relationship.

I have not thought much about the way memory works. I can think of certain events where when I recall them the sequence does not fit, as if there is something missing, and it feels like my mind was not working properly at the time. So, it is good to know that I do remember what is important to me.

So the basic issue, if I understand it right, is that someone whom you have trusted says that he used "Ericksonian hypnotic techniques" on you, and you feel like he violated your trust by doing this without first asking for consent. You feel like you have "gaps in your memory", so it doesn't seem so easy to write off as "not real" and you want to know what to do about it.

While it’s *possible* to mess with people in this way and you’re right to take it seriously, the good news is that from a hypnotist’s perspective, it seems unlikely from what you’ve said.

If he told you about it without being forced to, he probably didn’t see it as something you would have a problem with. Since he wasn’t trying to hide it from you, and since he’s someone you trusted going into this, there’s a good chance that he’ll care that he made you uncomfortable and will stop once you express your concerns to him.

While it’s technically possible that he was trying to do things like “create gaps in your memory” and just didn’t see the problem with it, it’s also possible that he never intended to mess with your memories in the first place. Suggestion is a powerful thing, and it’s not uncommon for suggestions to be inferred where not intended. In this case, for example, it’s quite possible that upon hearing “hypnotic techniques”, your brain was concerned enough that it wanted to make *really sure* that you weren’t having your memory messed with (because that’s one of the obvious bad things that someone can use hypnosis for) and so your brain looked *really hard* for cases where you might expect to have more memory than you do. Because we don’t have a perfect map of what we remember and what we don’t, it’s not at all unusual to find examples of that, even when we generally are pretty good at knowing what we’d expect to remember and what we wouldn’t. Basically, fear increases suggestibility by making increasingly unlikely things feel relevant. In these cases, if you ask yourself “okay, so I know I can’t *rule it out*, but is it also possible that it’s something else?”, usually the answer will be “yeah, it’s possible, but I just want to take this seriously”.

The most likely case, as I see it is that he just means something very different and much more benign by “hypnotic techniques”. Not all hypnotic techniques fit the pattern of “mind control” very well. Some of them, especially of the “Ericksonian” variety, would be better described as “effective communication”. For example, saying “it’s okay to relax now” can be seen through a hypnotic lens as “indirectly” giving the “embedded command” to “relax now” - spooky, right? Only all you’re really doing is letting them know that its *okay* to relax now *if they want*. They don’t have to, and so simply giving the order to “relax now” would be oddly bossy, and saying “you should relax now” might make someone more anxious if they feel it’s something they “should” be doing and that they’re doing something wrong by not yet being relaxed.

I’d guess that this is what the guy was going for, and that he’d be willing to be completely upfront with you about what he’s doing/why he’s doing it, but the other good news is that even if he *is* trying to do things that are really creepy, you can’t really “force” anyone to find your magical “hypnotic suggestions” compelling. It’s possible to abuse people’s trust, and sometime’s it’s possible to trick people into thinking that they have no choice, but in the end it’s still just trickery. You can always say “nah, I think I won’t relax now” and “nah, I think I will remember that, thank you very much”.

Thank you Jimmy, for giving a polite response. The person I was speaking about explained it was something called Meta-Model. I don't know if that means anything to you. If you know about it, can you tell me more, please?

Sometimes I "like" a post because it explains something I understand and agree with and I feel that particular post says it better than I could. Sometimes I "like" a post because I "connect" with some aspect of it. I may not always agree with everything in a post by Richard Decision Skills, but if I "like" it, I found something to think about/explore further, or something that I think is exactly right. Why block out Richard Decision Skills completely?

The Meta-Model is a concept from NLP and not from Ericksonian hypnosis. It's not about creating trance or amnesia but about asking questions to make another person clarify details in what they are saying.

Magliadoro, it could be that what your friend meant was that he'd used mirroring techniques on you, whereby he'll subtly and sparingly mimic some of your mannerisms, speech patterns etc the idea being that consciously you don't notice (if it's done correctly) but that subconsciously it registers and you at some point find yourself "identifying" with him.

Fairly commonly used for various purposes both positive and nefarious but him calling it "hypnosis" is a bit of a stretch.