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Thursday, February 12, 2009

My Relationship with Money - III

Money also assumes importance because of how it affects relationships. I used to have a boyfriend who was so cheap that not only did I pay more often than not when we went out, but he even often asked me to pay for fuel for his bike. Now that in itself should have been enough for a smart, rational girl to dump him, but in some way I enjoyed the power. I know now that I was taken for a ride, but even now, I think I would prefer to be the one who pays more often than the one who pays less.

I suppose it boils down to trust rather than to money. I had always considered myself insecure about money. Once I started earning I hadn’t felt comfortable about thinking of taking a break from work, even for a while, and letting my boyfriend or husband support me.

But when the Guy and I got together, I had no such issues. The Guy, like me, had grown up in a frugal household. He got that money was important to me, and he even got my wish to be able to spend wildly, sometimes, just to tell myself that I had enough now. He was frugal yet so generous and sharing that we soon fell into the habit of talking about ‘our money’ and ‘our income’ and making plans based on what was coming in that month, combined.

At the beginning, we earned about the same. Then I got the new job and started earning a little more. It felt good, then, but again I guess money was more a signal that I hadn’t given up anything to be with the Guy, that it was a smart move for my career as well.

Since then, we have had changes more than once. Sometimes he earns more, sometimes I do. It doesn’t matter much any more, but I think I like it best when it’s equal.

We opened a joint bank account after we got married, but our accounts had been joint for a while, in our heads and our Excel sheets.