Deaf, HOH, and ASL Jokes

47. The community college where my wife
teaches is next door to a School for the Deaf. One day she entered
the computer lab and noticed a hearing-impaired student signing away
animatedly but, it seemed, to no one in particular.

She asked his interpreter if the student was okay.

"Oh, he's fine," said the interpreter. "He's just
swearing at his computer."

(Submitted 4/4/2007 by Marsha at CripHumor).

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Two women run into each other outside an
exclusive department store. The first woman is carrying lots of
packages and it's clear she's been power shopping.

Woman One:
"Sweetie, I don't know why we haven't seen you around the club
lately. I ran into your doctor and he said he told you to diet and
exercise."

(Submitted by Marsha at Crip Humorhttp://www.topica.com/lists/CripHumor)

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Why Deaf Youth are Happy with Total Communication:
There is a sign for a philosophy of Deaf education called Total Communication that uses a T and a C alternately moving
away from and back to the mouth. One day a visiting administrator asked a student, why is everyone so happy here?
The student replied (signed) "Total Communication."
"Ah, that explains it!" the administrator exclaimed with satisfaction. He thanked the student and walked away. The
student turned to his buddies and did the sign again, this time modifying the T portion of the sign to show "inhaling"
and the "C" portion of the sign to indicate "drinking."
--Bill Vicars

Amanda: My boyfriend and I are taking Sign Language
classes together. I signed some very foolish
words to him last night.
Andrea: Yes?
Amanda: That was one of them.
Submitted by Marsha: http://www.topica.com/lists/CripHumor

A man went into a bar after work one day, and after a beer or two he
noticed a deaf man passed out in the corner. After an hour or so the
fellow was still very drunk and incoherent, so, being a nice guy,
the first man decided to take him home.

He looked up the drunk's address in his wallet, then started
struggling to get the man out to his car. Dragging, heaving, and
finally carrying the deaf man, he finally reached his car: then the
process had to be repeated in front of the drunks' house.

At last the nice guy got the deaf man up to the door and rang the
bell, which was promptly answered by pleasant-looking mother. "Oh
thank you so much for bringing him here!" she said, "But where's his
wheelchair?"

(Sent in By Kenneth D. Israel)

Renee, who uses hearing aids, was reading with her son Ruben.

Ruben is five years old now and learning to read.
He points at a picture in a zoo book and says,
"Look, Mama! It's a frickin' elephant!"

Renee: Deep breath ... "What did you call it?"

Ruben: "It's a frickin' elephant, Mama! It says so on the
picture!"

Renee looks at the caption, and sure enough it says:

"A f r i c a n Elephant."

(Sent in by Marsha Coleman in Texas. http://lists.topica.com/lists/CripHumor)

Why can't you take a picture of a man with a hearing aid in
Jerusalem?

Because you need a camera, not a hearing aid.

(Marsha Coleman)

Morty visits the veterinarian in the Fairfax District and says,
'My dog has a problem.'

The doctor replies, 'So tell me about the dog's problem.'

'First you should know, he's a Jewish dog. His name is Irving and
he can talk,' says Morty.

He can talk?', the doubtful doctor asks.

'Watch this!' Morty points to the dog and commands 'Irving, Fetch!'

Irving, the dog, begins to walk toward the door, then turns around
and demands, 'So why are you talking to me like that? You order me
around like I'm nothing. And you only call me when you want
something.
And then you make me sleep on the floor, with my arthritis. You give
me this fahkahkta* food with all the salt and fat, and you tell me
it's
a special diet. It tastes like dreck*! YOU should eat it yourself!

And do you ever take me for a decent walk? NO, it's out of the
house,
a short pish*, and right back home. Maybe if I could stretch out a
little,
the sciatica wouldn't kill me so much! I should roll over and play
dead
for real for all you care!'

The Doctor is amazed. 'This is remarkable! What could be the
problem?'

Morty says, 'Obviously he has a hearing problem! I said 'fetch', not
'kvetch*'.

Answer: You sit down next to a snake charmer with six
cobras, one of which is deaf.

Submitted by Marsha Coleman in Texas. http://lists.topica.com/lists/CripHumor
Credit: "THE GIANT BOOK OF ANIMAL JOKES" By Richard Lederer and
James D. Ertner

"An American man decides to backpack his way across Ireland, staying
in hostels and working wherever he can find something for the day or
the week. One day he happens upon a countryside tavern and asks the
tavernkeeper if he would like a day off.

"Sure and bigorrah I would indeed enjoy that," the keep says in his
deep brogue. "But we have quite an unusual clientele here as all
of me patrons are quite deef. We've all developed an easy sign
language, though, and I'll be showing it to you so you'll be
knowing what they drink." He begins to show him the signs for a
beer, a shot and a beer, and other possible drink combinations.
The American feels competent to handle this, so the keep gives the
American his telephone number and takes the afternoon off.

All is going well for the American, and he is understanding the
patrons' signage, until one gentleman does something he doesn't
understand. He does a sign that looks almost like a duck
quacking. He does it to the fellow next to him, and then they've
both got two hands going; then another one starts up, and pretty
soon they are ALL doing it!! The American is perplexed so he gives
the keep a call at home to explain, quite frantically, what they
are doing!