Reuger

In a shocking series of events, a semi-automatic handgun has been charged with the murder of 3 people in Moneta, Virginia, after a widely-broadcast shooting recently took place. Prosecutors are saying that since the alleged shooter was also killed, the only responsible party remaining is the actual gun itself.

“After murdering two people, the gunman used this semi-automatic pistol to then kill himself, leaving nothing behind except for the gun,” said prosecuting attorney Myles Shepherd. “Guns are extremely dangerous, and we feel it is time that they should be held accountable for their crimes.”

Attorneys for the defense team say that the Ruger semi-automatic handgun was acting under the control of someone else, and should therefore not be held accountable for its actions.

“This gun was simply doing what guns were made to do, and that’s fire off rounds shamelessly into the bodies of other people, even if that happens on national TV and in videos posted to social media,” said defense attorney Jeremiah Clifford. “Yes, people were killed. Yes, it was senseless and violent. But is that really the fault of the gun, or the person who was holding it? Everyone knows that guns don’t kill people, people kill people.”

“People may kill people, sure, but guns kill way more often. We strongly believe that guns are to blame for the crime and hate in this world, and that finally holding the weapon responsible will force peace everywhere,” said Shepherd. “Guns across the globe will be afraid to fire. They will no longer hurt and kill innocent people. They will be held accountable for their actions, and we may finally get some resolution to the problems of violence plaguing our nation.”

A hearing is set for this week in the Moneta County court system. If convicted, the gun could, ironically, face the death penalty.