Month: June 2016

When I moved to the Germania tribe of the EU in 1989, just before the Berlin Wall fell, money was all-kinda confused and at border crossings, especially to Holland, guards still checked my baggage for drugs. Was I relieved when the money got simple and I didn’t have to worry about them finding a few ounces of hash packed in coffee grounds in my backpack? Hell yea. But that’s about the only good that has come out of the European experiment. The thing is, I was always a Euro skeptic–hence my failed attempt at trade-marking “#eurowasteland”.

I even used to try and converse with Europeans about their future. The question I would ask was simple. Are you German/French/Dutch, etc., or are you European? The question threw a few people off. But in the end the answers were all the same. After pondering their heritage, their language, the cheese they eat and the bread they suck on, they all eventually said, “I’m European but…” The EU is and has been bound to fail–especially as the world comes to terms with the boil & toil it’s gotten itself into in the last twenty or so years. I mean, come on, we are at the beginning of WW3, or? With that in mind, let’s go down Tommi’s little worst-list of what makes the EU… the fucking EU.

Although its history and planning goes back much further, the EU really started at the fall of communism. Since communism is, literally, a European thing, how would/could a united Europe orient itself politically if one of its greatest inventions failed so miserably?

A single government in Brussel was/is mistake number one. The EU is all about the turmoil and chaos of tribalism. Add to that the bullsh*t of church, monarchies and so so so many people that really, truly believe that they sh*t roses… (Just go to any major EU city and watch the people that live and work there. They all also think they shit Marie Antoinette cake.)

The idea of a united Europe based on the United States was a mistake from the get-go since the US was founded by people who ran from the political and social chaos that houses both monarchies, pseudo-communism and the single greatest scam in human history: the fucking Vatican. (Keep in mind that all countries of the EU are centrally controlled states whose economies are dependent on the wills and thrills of banks and churches THAT ARE STATELESS.)

Like all pseudo-democratically elected governments (the EU parliament is not democratically elected–they are appointed!), Brussel failed to provide even an ounce of truth to its minions about what it’s really up to. Like any other pseudo-capitalist entity it can only do what a bank allows it to do. This is why countries like Greece and now the UK have to face reality harder than countries like Germany. While the EU parliament was playing around with the lie of governing and political representation the world has been, literally, falling apart over oil and cheap labour. That level of falling apart is easy to hide when you have (almost) free health care, half decent transportation infrastructure (except for Köln, of course) and a system of socialism painted the colours of a rainbow. All of this is perfect for rekindling old tribal ways.

That the EU even partook in bailing out Greece is a fucking joke on a grand scale and, not ironically, the catalyst for the UK’s current reaction to this mess. And, btw, Greece had two similar mandate elections regarding its position in the EU–which is ultimately what Greece voted for. The UK has just had it first mandate election. Gee, when’s the next one coming–or hasn’t the queen decided yet? All of this means that as far as banks are concerned, the UK is no different than Greece. The moronic working classes that eat their own shit will never fully understand what’s really going on here.

The EU invented “austerity”. Austerity is the reason that kings and queens and socialists (i.e. pseudo communists) exist. Well, that and “belief” in spaghetti monsters traversing the universe in teapots made of unicorn shit. What’s happening to the world right now in the form of economic austerity mixed with globalisation is payback by the ghosts of (19th century) aristocrats that all lost their shirts when people rose up to demand human rights. And so. The biggest problem the world has today is that all those people that rose up against the capitalists pigs of the early 20th century, all died off and left nothing behind. Indeed. Smart people don’t breed! Yeah, baby. The robber baron comeback is done.

Everybody with half a mind should be following The Donald right now. Nothing better exemplifies the mindset that has lead to the EU problem (and #americants problems) than Donald J. Trump. I mean, let’s face it, Trump is from another failed European experiment best known as the grand united mistakes of #americant. While a closed class of pseudo aristocrats run all the businesses in the world (of which The Donald is not one!) in collusion with banks (another class in and of itself) where a few people are allowed to suck the teat of it all (which is where The Donald is really from), the only thing left is to watch reality TV (which is also a European invention) and hope for the best.

But I digress.

The EU failed from the get-go because Europe and Europeans have only given two things to human history. One is communism and the other is monarchies that can’t but should die.

I remember being debriefed by a senior agency partner in 1998. I had just returned from an interview assignment in Latvia. An “interview” is where a low-level nube gets to go out into the field and collect as much information as possible regarding assignment subject matter. In this case, the subject matter was trying to figure out how it was possible that such a small country in the outskirts #eurowasteland could have the best interwebnet connect-ability in the world. With a briefcase full of notes, spreadsheets, presentations, local newspaper clippings and two full 36mb camera memory cards I presented to the senior partner how the little country in the north did it. I also brought with me a few hundred megabytes of web data (on disks) that I downloaded in order to measure network speeds, encryption methods, server performance, etc. Whether in a hotel in Riga or a fancy bed & breakfast on the coast, all I had to do was plug in an ethernet (lan) cable and the digital world was mine. In contrast, in Germany–where I was based–I was still plugging into the Interwebnets using xx-baud modems and waiting for every world wide webpage to download as though Kingdomcum was impotent. But that’s neither here nor there. And it was a long time ago.

Spring forward to someone’s future. The interwebnets is practically ubiquitous these days. Yet, consider the time between when I investigated Latvia’s advancements and the current state of computer hardware. If you ask me, things have gone rather slow. Most of the western world has caught up to what Latvia did. Yet something is missing. There’s obviously many fronts on the war of human freedom. The main fronts though are about how an individual can actually practice his/her freedom. And it is here where the apparatus of government and capital interests intersect in a stealthy, corporate healthy way. It would seem that recent judicial rulings and infrastructure outcomes regarding the interwebnets prove that freedom is winning the war against corporate control. The net neutrality rolling by the US FCC is most encouraging. Yet, in another article, on a completely different subject matter, something else lingers under the war that is being fought. On the one hand government has ruled against capital interests by not allowing ISPs to control my internet access. On the other hand that same government is using the interwebnets to overtly spy on people, which obviously goes against the 4th Amendment.

So I guess what we’re dealing with here is simple. While one front in the war for freedom seems to be won there are other fronts that creep-in to show the battle must rage on. Or maybe not. What the fuck do I care.

Gawk. Wow. There is a difference between the verb and the noun? Don’t you hate it when that happens, dear worst-reader? I mean, gawk as a noun doesn’t sound as bad as gawk as a verb. Or am I splitting hairs here? But then again, now that the world’s greatest experiment in pseudo democracy is pretty much a censored, authoritarian, pseudo politbüro state, what difference does it make if a gawker is awkward or just plain (looks) stupid?

Now that “journalists” are labelling the Hogan/Gawker lawsuit a form of censorship, I’m really confused. I mean, what purpose does yellow journalism serve? That’s right. It makes money. And you know what? I’m all for making money. (Even if I don’t make any!) Yet now that Gawker has lost in its quest to be a source of asshole-dom, it’s a #whinylittlebitch. I mean, come on. Gawker lost fair and square. Does it matter that a asshole billionaire financed Hulk Hogan’s lawyers? Of course not. That sort of thing happens all the time. It’s called lawyering. Did Gawker, on the other hand, go too far with it’s yellow (click-bait) journalism? Obviously the jury thought it did. Maybe democracy does work. But I digress.

Seriously. Who feels sorry for Gawker or thinks a billionaire has damaged #americant now that we have one less useless yellow journalism website? Won’t it be replaced fast enough by another? Yeah, the whole country is a #whinylittlebitch.

Recently subscribed to recode-decode podcast. Have to admit, of all the podcasts out there, many of which I try regularly in search of things-of-interest, there are only about a dozen or so that I remain subscribed to. Shame, eh. I mean, what a waste of bandwidth. Thousands of podcasts out there and only, maybe, twelve of them are any good. What does that say about podcasting? Wait. What does it say about me? Nomatter. To each her/his own, eh?

When I saw who was being interviewed on a recent recode-decode podcast I almost immediately hit the unsubscribe button. If anything repels me as though it were the stench of a dead skunk after two days on the side of the road it would be the people that have made Kim Kardashian “famous”. Of course, don’t get me wrong. The recode-decode podcast, after two or three listens, is actually pretty good. At least, well, it’s a tick better than other interview podcasts that dwell on even more nothingness.

Get this, dear worst-reader. The reason I didn’t unsubscribe after seeing who they interview is because I don’t actually blame Kim Kardashian for being what she is. That would be like blaming an orangutang for being orange. It would also be like blaming PT Barnum for his most famous quote turning out to be truer than ever. And that’s kinda important. Although she is a human dip, we live in times where a lot of people get ahead because, well, they learn to profit from living in a world of dips. If you don’t want to be a dip then you probably won’t make in this world today. Hence, corporatism, automatons, apparatus, etc. I mean, come on, Donald Trump couldn’t be where he is today if it weren’t for a nation of dips. But let’s not get too far off subject.

As difficult as it was, I decided this morning to press on and listen to a podcast where Kim Kardashian is interviewed about… whatever. I got through about fifteen minutes of it (which is more than I expected) before turning it off (it’s about forty minutes long). The good news? As I write this paragraph I’m still subscribed to recode-decode. The bad news? There was something else in this podcast that motivated me to write this post.

Not only is it excruciating listening to a dip like Kim K talk but it’s also pretty painful listening to the interviewer–in this case a supposedly well respected tech journalist–go about the whole situation as though it has some sort of journalistic merit. And then there’s the issue of who/what is sponsoring this well produced podcast. The first thing that caught my attention when the podcast started was the reference to a particular sponsor. Guess who/what is a sponsor of a podcast that has a “legitimate” tech journalist interviewing Kim K about her ability to exploit technology? Wait. Before you answer that, answer this: Who/what are Kim K enablers?

Ok. The answers to those questions are irrelevant. But the questions aren’t. A sponsor of this recode-decode podcast is a company that refinances student loans. Now. With that in mind, here’s another question for ya. Who are the people that have made the united mistakes of #americant not only the greatest debtor nation in history but also a nation of college educated dips that, literally, perpetuate everything that is wrong in western society today? The tech industry of silicon valley–that is the enabler of this podcast–is every bit a part of what’s wrong with #americant these days–and absolutely nothing about what should be right. Or maybe not. Whatever.

#failupwards

It’s a good thing I wrote this post. It helped reevaluate what I’ve done. Unsubscribing to podcast now.

First. Let’s be clear here. I hate having to search for business news on the interwebnets. Why? Well, thanks for asking, dear worst-reader. The reason I hate searching for business news is because almost all of the links I get are from propaganda news sites. Most people call this kind of news “the media”. Lucky for you, worst-writer ain’t so stupid–to call it something it ain’t. (Enough of the ain’ts, right?) Whether it’s the wall street journal (low case intended), forbes (which I never go to because, well, it’s a shit site) or, God forbid, faux newz, they are all corporate propaganda sites. With that in mind, it takes a bit more effort to get to a news source that isn’t one-of-the-above.

(Please. I know that the sources that I do use (see links below) are often nothing but syndicators of the sites I refuse to visit. But at least I’m trying here, eh.)

Second. The reason behind the old economy rush to get behind the new (pseudo) economy has nothing to do with providing easy, convenient taxiing services. No. Car manufacturers recent “investments” in car sharing services is really about car makers waking up to the fact that the minions–especially the minions in the West–can’t afford to buy cars anymore. By investing in ride sharing services, car manufacturers can at least count on selling a few more “product” to these services. In fact, the corporate smart-asses that run the lives of minion #americants that work/live for them don’t have to stop at being enablers of new fangled car/ride sharing services. If you buy/finance a car with Toyota and, for whatever reason, can no longer make your payments, you can then go drive for Uber. Good thinking Toyota.

Did you get that, dear worst-reader?

Let me rephrase it cause this is really, really important.

You get a new Toyota and when you can’t make payments, you WILL (have to) use your Toyota to drive for Uber.

Way to go #americant innovators. Another notch on the gun of stupidity.

(Un)Fortunately I’m no photographer. But I could attach a toilet bowel better than the guy that built this one. Sorry for the bad pic. Can you make out the lean? I couldn’t figure out how to take this pic (for posterity’s sake) of our forth floor bathroom and the lopsided bowel that someone, somehow, permanently installed. Do you see the left lean yet? From the bowel’s perspective? There wasn’t enough space to take the pic inside the bathroom so I squatted just outside the door way. (Get it?)

“Ever had a constitutional on a lopsided head?”

“Not on dry land, I haven’t.”

Luckily this bathroom won’t be trafficked much as it doesn’t look like we even need the fourth floor of our mega-flat. Still, I did give the bowel a brief sitting (again, for posterity’s sake). It was then I realised for sure that it’s totally unusable for constitutionals. The flush mechanism works fine and the plumbing works good too. It’s just that when you sit it’s almost as though your going for broke on a port healing sailboat. When I asked the apartment manager, slash maintenance guy, if he could straighten things out, he told me that it’s not worth doing because they would have to rip out the whole bathroom marble tiling in order to get to the pipes which would have to be refitted.

Whaaaaaaa? Are you f’n kidding me, dude!

The one advantage I did find with our left healing bowel is that it’s great for man peeing. You know, standing while peeing–the way men were meant to do it. The left lean corresponds well with men who hang right. Just sayin’.

Read any Bukowski lately? Me either. Yet I woke up this morn with two things in my head. The movie Barfly and the art of persuasion. A strange mix indeed.

Let’s begin with Henry Chanski and Wanda Wilcox waxing misanthropy.

Wanda: I can’t stand people, I hate them.
Henry: Oh yeah?
Wanda: Do you hate them?
Henry: No, but I seem to feel better when they’re not around.

As far as persuasion goes, check out the vid above, which I watched before I went to bed. The creator of Dilbert can do more than draw laughs in the shape of cartoons. He can also hypnotise and persuade. Wow. Because of what he can do he can also predict the fall of a nation. But who’s listening? Those who read comics? Indeed.

What do these two mind bending things (Bukowski + Dilbert) have in common? Well, nothing. Except that I woke up with both in my head this morning and for the life of me can’t figure out why.

Nomatter.

I don’t miss Charles Bukowski. In fact, I’m glad he’s dead. More reality based grand literature the world most certainly doesn’t need. And Dilbert? Well, Maher asks in the vid above if there is anyone in the audience that’s never read a Dilbert comic. I can raise my hand on that one. Of course I’ve heard of Dilbert, but I can honestly say I’ve never read one. Reason? I fucking hate Dilbert. I hate Dilbert because Dilbert is part of what keeps America #americant. Comics like Dilbert only prove that society is stupider than dumb-waiting whores stuck in shallow wells of eunuchs mistook for The Donald at the voting booth managed by a world of cocksucking corporatists that think and live like cartoons and will never realise that only Henry and Wanda have the answer.

And one last thing. Persuasion only works on the gullible–or, to paraphrase a wise man–on the suckers born every minute.