Some Excerpts from Ty’s Journal

I feel more peaceful, I feel happy and don’t want trouble for anyone. I believe God made all of us and we are his creation. Why fight? Why hurt something as great as God’s creation. I have friends and family that love me. I want my heart to be filled with love and not hate. I don’t want to dwell on negative things. People may not always be happy with me but I don’t want bad things to happen to them, even people I don’t get along with I think and pray to soften their hearts. I need to work at this as well.

Jan-28-09

God’s rain water flows through the same gutter that we walk today but you got to keep your lip stiff, keep your fists clenched. At times you got to kick your way through this bitch. Be a warrior, never slip, if you slip don’t fall, if you fall get up and improve, fight through the pain and succeed when shit gets hard, you just got to be harder. Everything this world throws at you take in stride don’t lose your temper. Stay positive and make the angels in heaven hear you and be proud of your accomplishments strive for greatness in every aspect of life and keep your testimony strong. For in the end being a goodhearted warrior for the light is what is important.

Jan-29-09

Without great darkness how would we appreciate the light? Without sadness how would we know the trueness of happiness?

July 8-09

It is one am. I feel like shit. I want everyone to know when I’m gone don’t cry, remember me as the funny, greatest son of a bitch you ever met. I love and pray a lot for all of you. Please don’t cry for me, be happy because I will be looking down on you, blessing you and protecting you. Be happy, be grateful for the person you know because you all know that have read this I’ve been there for you. I Love You

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Thanks for your comment, Mark. I appreciate it and I like your philosophy. I think that we really do need to remember that life is not just for us, but for a much greater cause – to be a tool in the hands of our creator. I like to think that Tyrel is still able to do that from the other side. I feel him so strongly sometimes, it’s like he is with me.

Bipolar people are usually creative and endearing when not depressed, but the dark despair is so crushing that it really is hard to make it day to day. I happen to know firsthand. I believe I read one time that about 30% of bipolar people end their own lives. It’s definitely a mood disorder and not just a psychological problem. I really can empathize with Ty. I wrote this and it has helped me. I don’t know if it would be helpful to anyone else.

My Mission Statement for the Eternal Rest of My Life
(Knowing the Value of Life)

Thank God Jesus Knew

To me my life was worth nothing because I didn’t want to go on living. Jesus told me He would take it off my hands if I didn’t want it because He might have some use for it Someday. So I let Him have it for free. I gave my life to Jesus because it was no earthly good to me. And that has meant all the difference in the world to my life. To finally be in the hands of someone who wants it. Who actually cherishes and appreciates it. I tell you it has made all the difference in the world to my life to finally be wanted. Thank God Jesus knew the value of my life, because I sure as hell didn’t.

Jesus is not a cure-all for bipolar by any means, but giving my life into Jesus’ hands for safekeeping has helped with thoughts of suicide. I promised Jesus I wouldn’t commit suicide and as long as I believe in Jesus I don’t believe I will.