College Football Top 25: Notre Dame Is No Longer On This List (Though Neither Is The Team That Beat Them)

Each week, we’ll bring you the AP’s college football rankings, and throw in our patented mix of bitchy sarcastic analysis and incredibly premature snap judgments. Let’s get to Week 11!

1. Alabama (56)

The Crimson Tide toyed with LSU for three quarters before putting them away for a 38-17 win. After the game, Nick Saban jumped into AJ McCarron’s arms, which was a nice moment.

2. Florida State (3)

The Seminoles held Wake Forest to seven completions while forcing six interceptions, beating the Demon Deacons 59-3. Not content with in-game dominance, after the game Jameis Winston resolved to plant a superior forest.

3. Ohio State

The Buckeyes took the week off to judge the merits of other “OSU’s,” and they found the idea of “THE Oregon State University” to be very amusing. They play Illinois on Saturday.

4. Baylor

The Bears were shaky for much of the first half, but they were able to pull away and beat Oklahoma 41-12. The game really wasn’t over until Bryce Petty threw an 817-yard touchdown pass in the fourth quarter.

5. Stanford

The Cardinal were too physical for Oregon, grinding out a 26-20 victory. The result is no surprise, because you can’t just walk into Palo Alto on Twitter IPO Day and expect a win.

6. Oregon

The Ducks put themselves into too much of a hole, scoring all of their points in the fourth quarter but falling to Stanford 26-20. They did, however, give us a sense of what Michigan’s uniforms will look like after the machines take over.

7. Auburn

Despite throwing their last pass halfway through the first quarter, the Tigers beat Tennessee 55-23. After the game, they ignored the Tennessee-provided buses and walked back to their hotel.

8. Clemson

The Tigers took the week off to work on their pies for Thanksgiving. Tajh Boyd makes a masterful lemon chess. They play Georgia Tech on Thursday.

9. Missouri

The Tigers beat Kentucky 48-17 behind Dorial Green-Beckham’s four touchdown receptions. During pre-game stretching, the SEC’s two most northern members made derogatory comments about sweet tea.

10. Texas A&M

In what may have been his last home game, Johnny Football led the Aggies to a 51-41 shootout win over Mississippi State. Should he leave for the NFL, his cousin, Michael Football-Hopkins, is expected to challenge for the starting job next season.

11. South Carolina

The Gamecocks took the week off because they do not trust Clemson. They play Florida on Saturday.

12. Oklahoma State

The Cowboys were barely tested this week, beating Kansas 42-6. Thankfully, now that basketball has returned, Kansas can go back to completely ignoring football.

13. UCLA

With linebacker Myles Jack playing both ways, the Bruins beat Arizona 31-26. He played very well.

14. Michigan State

The Spartans took the week off for the Agoge. They play Nebraska on Saturday.

15. UCF

The Golden Knights were not as explosive as usual, but they hung on for a 19-14 win over Houston. This game had serious BCS implications, because if we’re going to blow the system up we should really blow it up.

16. Fresno State

Despite a quiet first quarter, the Bulldogs easily dispatched Wyoming 48-10. It is imperative that this unbeaten team not be able to enjoy a high ranking.

17. Wisconsin

Although it was a contentious game late, the Badgers beat BYU 27-17. As it turns out, their ridiculous loss to Arizona State might wind up mattering quite a bit.

18. LSU

The Tigers were able to stay with Alabama for much of the game, but eventually lost 38-17. After the game, Les Miles’ only comment was, “Clever girl.”

19. Louisville

The Cardinals glided to a safe 31-10 victory over UCONN Friday night. The Huskies, winless and abandoned in the AAC, don’t seem to be in a good place.

20. Northern Illinois

The Huskies took a week off to reflect on the moral implications of their blowout victory over UMass. They play Ball State on Wednesday.

21. Arizona State

The Sun Devils barely got past Utah, only securing the 20-19 win after an interception from defensive tackle Will Sutton. The result of the clash between Mormons and satanists was less clear.

22. Oklahoma

The Sooners delayed Baylor, but were not able to stop them, falling 41-12. On the bright side, Oklahoma’s trip to Waco led to the removal of a tarp.

23. Texas

The Longhorns, who are still undefeated in the Big 12, beat West Virginia 47-40 in overtime in Morgantown. Seems like it will be tough to fire Mack Brown if Texas wins the conference.

24. Miami (FL)

In a matchup that served as a reminder of how much of a farce Miami’s ranking is, Virginia Tech crushed the Hurricanes 42-24. On the bright side, everyone was right about Miami.

25. Georgia

Jumping out of conference for the week, the Bulldogs easily beat Appalachian State 45-6. They have asked to remain out of conference for the rest of the season.