Cocktail Chronicles
An excellent blog by a man who has more cocktail books than I thought were published.

cocktailnerd
Gabriel has crafted a fine site and shares some of my pain with a state-run liquor system. He also manages to post about 4000 times more than me, and it’s always interesting!

Dave’s Drinks
Anyone who posts about exotic cocktails makes it on this blogroll!

Days That End In “Y”
An all-around drinking blog that posts quality news on the world of spirits, beer, wine, gadgets… the list goes on, as do the posts, which are too numerous to count. “Updated frequently” would be an understatement.

Dr. Bamboo
A fellow Pennsylvanian with a penchant for art and fine cocktails.

Favorite Posts

“Do you squeeze your own juice?” The waiter looks quizzically at you, and you raise your eyebrows just a tad, hoping to eek out an answer. “Um, we have fresh pineapple juice, I think.” FAIL

Not seeing that bright yellow Angostura cap among the bottles of Bacardi and vodka? Standing three deep behind a bunch of college students trying to carry shots of Jager and two fists of Ice House?

Do you continue on your epic quest to “educate” the bartender or just give in and order a Jack and Coke? Personally, the bars where I live are so bad I just don’t go to them, but when I find myself in this situation I’ll order:

beer

glass of whiskey

rum/whiskey and coke

What’s your Fallback?

51 Responses to “The Fallback – What do you order when the bar sucks?”

My fallback is a Tanqueray and Tonic. Sometimes I will order a “Manhattan with bitters” and hope for the best.

However, if I am sitting at the bar and it is slow and they have some bitters, I might say “I am little particular about my Manhattan. How do you feel about my talking you thru it?” This usually gets a favorable reaction. Especially after tip well for putting up with my quirkiness.

One experience I recently had was so hilariously bad, that when I asked the bartender for a Cuba Libre he had a confused look on his face, then replied, “I don’t do too many fancy drinks.” I had to stop from laughing so hard, and asked him if he knew how to make a rum and coke. He replied yes, so I told him to squeeze a lime quarter in there as well, and he’d have the fancy Cuba Libre.

Until that experience I thought I had a foolproof fallback drink for the crappy bars. After that point I had to update to rum and coke w/a lime squeeze…geeez.

– If they have a decent bourbon or scotch, just ordering that neat or on the rocks.
– Craft Beers – tap or bottle
– Gin and soda … long as they have a mid-shelf gin or better, it’s pretty hard to screw that one up. :)

Depends on what the bar has. My favorite ‘fallback’ is Hennessy and Coke, and they can usually accommodate. If I spot Galliano I might get a Harvey Wallbanger, if there’s a decent gold rum maybe that with Coke. Everywhere can make 7&7, Jack and Coke and I’ve only come across one place that couldn’t make a long island (they used some premix crap that tasted awful, then the bartender cut me off after my second drink while continuing to serve my friends the rest of the night, oh and didn’t tell me I was cut off, told a friend and just pretended I wasn’t there.. and this was their favorite club >_<).

I’ve found that many bars around here have Myers. Myers and Ginger ale with a lime quarter squeeze is actually pretty good. Additionally, I like Jameson and Ginger ale with about three lime quarters squeezed in (which one of the “fancy” restaurants in town calls a “McMurtry” and charges $8 for).

If they’ve got any half-decent rum I might do a Cuba Libre. Failing that, I look for the best whisk(e)y they’ve got and order it on the rocks. A surprising number of really lousy bars have a bottle of Maker’s Mark back there, which makes a more pleasant drink than Seagram’s anything or most of the rotgut-level Scotches. I find it’s best not to challenge the mixologists in such places… I’ve had one too many fluorescent Mai Tais over the years.

I’ll usually do whiskey rocks or maybe beer. I often find beer too filling these days, so it’s a second choice. I’ll try out their well whiskey and then move up to good brands if it sucks. But almost any whiskey is drinkable when poured over 3 times its volume of ice.

I’m usually hopelessly idealistic in bars even where I know I shouldn’t be (most recently at Negril on LaGuardia in NYC that resulted in the worst mojito I’ve ever had and a waste of $12). One a bar has proven itself untrustworthy I stick to gin & tonic or Stella.

Myers’s & Tonic with a squeeze of lime is weirdly tasty. G&T if the gin is at least OK. But the tonic has to be bottled- I can live just fine with Canada Dry or Schweppes, but tonic from a gun is always horrible.

So most often it’s Maker’s rocks. Or Miller High Life (wait, is this the guilty pleasures thread?)

I try a whiskey sour first (usually have to tell them to put more whiskey in) and then usually move to a decent/good (depending on what they have) whiskey on the rocks or neat….My problem is that since I’m a short, blond girl that looks half my actual age, bartenders usually make my drinks really weak.

Bottled beer is usually the easiest way to go. Failing that, it’s incredibly difficult to screw up a vodka-soda. I used to go for a gin and tonic, but cheap, horrible gin is usually way worse than cheap, horrible vodka.

Eesh. I have to face this very problem tonight: full bar, long specialty cocktail menu, LOUSY drinks. I’m finding I can’t bring myself to face what will surely be an insipid G&T with gunned tonic water. Sadly, I’ll be at a table far from the bar and can’t give directions. Might have to be a Black Label on the rocks. Fit with any food. :^\

I once mistakenly ordered a manhattan at a place I should not have. The bartender (a clueless blonde with big boobs) goes and grabs a bar manual, looks at it for a minute or two, comes back and pours me something involving vodka and apple schnapps. Fail.

Old fashioneds are the worst. I don’t even try anymore.

I stick to beer, a g&t, or straight vodka on ice with an olive or two.

Vodka martini with lemon twist/no vermouth. It’s difficult to mess it up unless they let it sit on ice way too long while trying to make a lemon twist. In that case pour me a bourbon neat and I’ll be just fine.

I scan for Campari while I’m waiting to order, and if I spot it I go with a Negroni — you can even shout directions in crowded bar (“EQUAL PARTS GIN, CAMPARI AND RED VERMOUTH!”) (Note: asking for sweet or Italian vermouth often leads to unnecessary confusion.)

Failing that:

Knob Creek on the rocks
Bottled beer.

I used to fall back on gin and tonic from time to time, but bad/flat tonic and brown limes are far too common. Same problems afflict the other good fallback mentioned above, ginger ale and rum.

I usually stick to Gin and Tonics, or maybe a bourbon or rum on the rocks if they stock a decent brand. I always make sure to ask for lots of ice too (and almost without fail get an odd look for this), in order to avoid being given three wet cubes that have melted by the time I sit down. Strangely I find myself visiting non-cocktail bars less and less.

If the place looks clueless I’ll usually just go for whatever beer most catches my fancy.

But if the resources on offer are clearly limited yet I still feel ambitious I might ask for a Bunnyhug (if they have Pernod or similar). Obviously I just ask for equal parts Pernod, gin and whiskey. I don’t ask for the drink by name.

If they have Campari sometimes I ask for that.

If they have Fernet Branca that can also be nice. I’m now suddenly thinking that Gin, Fernet and coke could be a good mix. Yeah. . . I need help.

Well, I’ve discovered an important fact in my travels – anything that comes straight out of a bottle (beer, wine, hard cider, etc) CAN’T be messed up by the lame barstaff. So if things are truly dire, that’s my standby. However, if they have any good whiskey, I’ll generally get that on the rocks, for the same reason.

I remember asking for a sidecar once and being shocked to find they had no lemon juice… THE HORROR!

since i actually like beer i usually start there or maybe a red beer if all they have is crappy piss water. but if i’m getting a mixed drink my fall back is almost always a whiskey sour. it used to be a bloody mary, but i’ve have some really awful ones and now i only order them at certain places

A Rusty Nail is one of my fallbacks if I can see the bottle of Drambuie from wherever I’m sitting. Usually I just tell the waiter “Johnny Walker Black and Drambuie, one-to-one.” If they inquire, I tell ’em what it’s called.

Otherwise, good beer if it’s to be had (a bonus to living in New England) or a Something-and-Mixer, since most places don’t use actual juices (let alone fresh squeezed) and therefore I just can’t trust their daiquiris (though most of the time I get “we don’t have a blender”, SIGH) or sidecars or margaritas.

Gin and coke is my standby if I’m having something harder than beer (or if the beer selection sucks). I rarely drink in the outside world, though… My “bar” at home has a *great* bartender, good company and plays music I like.