visits to the middle of nowhere

proudly filipina

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

While I am no longer living in the bitter barn this morning, the touchy topic of impending spinsterhood is still on my mind.

I've blogged about this topic several times, in varying moods, both in a positive and negative way. Inspired by Em Dy's comment about how lay people have a hard time understanding the dilemma of the single female doctor and as a spot check to see if I was going back to my old habit of unhealthily fixating about it, I turned to the blogosphere to see what my other single Pinay sisters in the profession had to say about their state of life.

Apparently, it's something they've also found worth blogging about. It's a celebration of us as women first and doctors last.

Before I engaged in it regularly, I didn't understand the lure of journaling on-line. Even a compulsive writer like myself would be wary of spilling my guts on the world wide web, ready for everyone to feed on. After all, neurosis should be a private thing. But finding my voice through blogging has also taught me to hear the voices of others like me, and in this way helped me find friends in strangers and realize that I am not quite so alone.

These posts are as honest and as real as they can get. It underscores once more that while we all have a unique perspective on things, our concerns and struggles are very much the same.

And, yes, I'm feeling so much better now.

* * * *

If you are a Filipina doctor with a blog post on being single, please let me know through a comment - and I will gladly add your thoughts to the list.

8 comments:

Claire, thanks for the links. I'd forgotten about that entry. When I wrote that, I was not mulling relationships but rather priorities - money vs sanity. We all agreed that the latter is more important and that is brought about by healthy relationships which are not robbed of time. Thanks too for describing these women. I'll add them to my list of Filipino doctors.

Hi Claire,Thanks for the post (and the link). I've been thinking that we should launch a new site/ blog specifically addressing the needs of single Filipinas (and Filipinos, I estimate there is about an almost equal number). Even before reading your post, I've had numerous talks with my single friends still in the Philippines and the particular stresses and routine annoyances/ humiliations we're subjected to.I get my own share during my brief visits (ex: I'm a successful doctor, not unattractive, with a full social and family life, yet whenever I see my mother's friends I get the "bakit wala kang asawa, hija?" talk, I'm tempted to tell them I'm gay, even though I'm straight, but for the fact that my mother would kill me)So, Matandang Dalagas (and Binatas) unite! The first step is accepting and embracing the possibility that you may be "single" forever, and what the heck is wrong with that?

@em dy: i figured that you weren't, but it seemed to be in context, so i added you anyway. :)

@doc whisperer: it's funny you should mention that... i was mulling over something like that as well. in fact, i'd gotten as far as emailing ris, of naptime rocks about it! :) let's put our heads together and see what we come up with...

First time to comment here although this is not my first visit to your blog. (I think my first visit dates back to about two or three weeks ago.)

Anyway, I don't mean to pander to you or to your friends when I say that men should shoulder most of the blame for failing to notice the qualities you and your single friends have. Though not always true, men, unfortunately and generally, feel insecure when in front of a woman whom they "perceive" to be more successful and intelligent than they are. It's the male ego. But what a lot of men fail to realize or ponder on is what they (men) could contribute to the relationship.

Men do not need to match a woman's IQ or earning capacity. A relationship is gained and sustained through mutual respect. For certain, money and a successful career are not the only ways to earn respect, though the presence of both would definitely help for practical reasons. There are other things more important than money and career (such as wisdom, maturity, great work ethic, strong moral values, etc.) that both parties can bring to the table that would gain and sustain a relationship for the long-term.

@walking on water: yeah! :) considering that in rural areas women still marry in their teens, this does reflect that there are more of us late twenty and thirtysomethings out there now.

@panaderos: thanks for the visit and the comment! and don't apologize for the length - i always welcome discussions on my blog, so feel free to comment away. i'm very glad for this visit!

i guess men are conditioned to think this way - whether it is by society or even by evolution, who is to say? it takes a man with a certain maturity to subvert this mindset.

i would like to think that there are enough enlightened men out there for me and my sisters who all sort of thought we'd have it all - career and family - without taking to account the principle of "marriage market value." :)