The ongoing saga of being a ongoing father of two - one with autism and one who died for 20 minutes.
From pre-birth, birth and through those difficult toddler years.
It's definitely a life changing event going from singleton to parent.

Wednesday, 26 December 2007

We don't even have the baby yet, and we've been inundated with loads of gifts for it from the Christmas rush. I reckon that gifts are hard enough to figure out at the best of time, so if you have something like a baby on the way (or a sports fan or video game or Simpsons fan) MAKE THE MOST OF IT!

Thankfully we didn't really start buying any clothes before we came down under, else we'd be in even more trouble.

I also got some photos from my cousin today in my email. Her baby's first Christmas was yesterday and the photo of the mound of baby toys and gear was really quite overwhelming. Makes me realise that we'll have to move into a warehouse to give this child a fighting chance... how do people cope with no space?

Friday, 21 December 2007

It's only taken a trip across the world to be inundated with loads of baby gear.

My fellow colleagues back in London swore to me that we'd get heaps of stuff and have to buy very little. Of course, their well wishers weren't a plane ride away.

Sue and I went to a little country town to meet up with friends and now have a massive cardboard box of baby clothes, as well as some nice bespoke knitted stuff as well. I thought the initial load of stuff from her mum was going to be hard to get back home, this is just a little over the top now.

We've also got a pram we're supposed to take back.

I think we need one of those Mary Poppins suitcases that has a very deep bottom indeed.

Tuesday, 18 December 2007

We arrive to a wonderful family greeting on Sunday morning around 7am, and as I type this now we're still fighting the jet lag (it's 6.30am!!)

Sue, however, is having maybe an easier time of the jetlag, in that she's suffering from babylag and is quite tired a lot of the time anyway.

Sue's mid-wife asked her to try to book an appointment here to check blood pressure, etc. She made the call yesterday and the local mid-wife deemed it not important enough to book an appointment. Not sure if that's encouraging or a sign of laziness on their behalf.

Yesterday we were treated to a showing of all the stuff Sue's mum has bought for the baby. It's amazing! There's so much stuff, I don't think we need to buy anything at least for the first couple of months (or maybe years).

My only concern, from a pragmatic male-point of view, is how are we going to get the stuff home? My case is kinda half-full but I was hoping to actually get the odd X-mas pressie and Aussie purchase to put in there and Sue packs like there's no tomorrow, so I'm just a bit worried we're going to have to post it back or something rather expensive like that. Time, I guess, will tell.

Friday, 14 December 2007

When we went to see Crowded House on Sunday, the discomfort Sue was feeling having to stand and sit, etc. worried me a bit. I guess the seats on a plane are more comfy than a folding chair at a gig. The trade off is you're at a gig for about 2 hours, as opposed to 12 hours on the flight.

Sue also wore her special flight socks, and so far there's been no ill side effects from the flight (read "DVT").

We've decided that this bit of the trip - the KL before the Oz bit - is going to be laid back and we'll see what happens. Sue's discovered that outside the "go to work, go home" she actually gets quite tired quite quickly, and she can't walk loads.

We ended up taking a cab back from the Suria KLCC (the main shopping centre under the Petronas Towers). The walk would have been about 5-8 mins, but because of traffic, the cab took about 20 mins. Rightly so, Sue was done for the day and wouldn't have made the walk. Just ironic how bad the traffic was.

We're here for another day, as we leave tomorrow night for Oz. Not sure what tomorrow will bring, but Sue's mentioned Merdeka Square and maybe China Town, so hopefully there's not too much walking and it's not stifling with the humidity.

Friday, 7 December 2007

Just had a call from Sue, who's about to leave the hospital. YES, the hospital.

It was blood test day today (glucose levels, etc.) and moronically, I assumed it was being done at the local GP office like all the other appointments.

Nope. Down to St. Helier's for a morning of arm-tapping fun. Sue was on a special diet (basically no chocolate or fizzy drinks) and hadn't eaten at all today. Before she left, she was told to eat something so headed down to the hospital canteen for their world famous pasties. I think they're world famous for all the wrong reasons.

Anyway, with that out of the way we now have the doctor's note to fly to sort out and we can leave for Oz.

Tuesday, 4 December 2007

One of the things I am going to teach our baby when she arrives is how loving Duran Duran is a GOOD thing!

I went to see them last night at the Lyceum Theatre in London and they played a stellar show. During the first half, where they played their new album in its entirety, Simon dedicated the song "She's Too Much" to "all the dads out there, especially if you have a little girl to go home to". Well, I'm going to remember it as "all the dads and dads to be out there".

For the whole song, I really felt proud about our impending life change and the arrival of the wee-one.

Having now listened back to "She's Too Much" with that in mind, the song does take on a whole new take.

Here are the words, and remember to read them from a dad's perspective:

She's gentle to the touch
She's everything head first
So happy to be causing trouble

Sometimes
The pressure gets too much
And you think she's going to burst
And shatter like a Christmas bauble

I'll be there when the world is
coming down upon her
When she's scared, I'll be there
Fighting in her corner

She cries when she's alone
For all life's little knocks
Everything is supposed to make us tougher
Thinking is doesn't really show
But I know how she hurts
And I can't bare to see her suffer

I'll be there when the world is
coming down upon her
When she's scared, I'll be there
Fighting in her corner
I'll be there when the world
is closing to surround her
In the air as she falls with my arms around her

Holding on I'm looking out for
Her thin skin
Because she's everything
and I don't think she knows

She's such a gentle touch
She's too much a gentle touch
She likes to catch the sun
Plays with it like a ball
And never mind whatever keeps it burning
Someday, she might just be the one
Whose going to save us all
If this apocalipse is coming

I'll be there when the world is
coming down upon her
When she's scared, I'll be there
Fighting in her corner
I'll be there when the world
is closing to surround her
In the air as she falls with my arms around her

Holding on I'm looking out for
Her thin skin
Because she's everything
and I don't think she knows

Thursday, 29 November 2007

Sue's had yet another mid-wife appointment today. Raced back from work to get checked out, the back to work to go to Uni. Nothing if not passionate!

Of interesting note about the appointment is the fact that Sue has been ill since the last visit, as was documented on the notes. It IS becoming rather farcical how long this cold/flu/cough thing has gone on.

The doctor at this recent mid-wife visit finally gave her some meds but warned not to take it for too long. Also, Strepsils and other wonderful "throat coaters" are out, in are glycerine tablets. Not exactly sure what they're supposed to do.

Monday, 26 November 2007

The Times today had a supplement for teens, apparently written and edited by teens.

It got me thinking about all sorts of things, like how can I protect my daughter from the harmful media-obsession with being size zero, of having all her heroes getting publicly bladdered every night and dating heroin junkies, and trying to instil in her that that is actually not how people are supposed to react.

On the other side of the coin, I was wondering whether my daughter would follow her parents into the field of journalism and find herself writing for and editing a teen section for a major news paper in about a decade's time.

The more I think about things, the more secure I feel that all is going to be well... as long as we stay away from the bad areas of town.

Tuesday, 20 November 2007

Ismaeel, the latest father to-be (actually just plain "father" now) in the office has come back to work today, fresh from his paternity leave.

A quick quiz about how you feeling and how was it elicited the single word response "amazing". I'm definitely looking forward to our little bundle of joy arriving in the world in March, I just wish I could shake all the worry and just enjoy the ride.

Monday, 19 November 2007

Having endured a week of health hell, Sue is very slowly getting back to normal. Although she still has the voice of a 30-smokes a day smoker, she reports that her head is clear and she's actually been able to get into work and not need the naps in the afternoon.

In an effort to eradicate a repeat of any illnesses in the next few months - especially with winter approaching - Sue's turned to the Pregnacare tablets. Basically, they're multivitamins for the expectant.

Reading the pamphlet last night (I'm a guy, that's what I do), it says you can use them well into breastfeeding as well and that they should give the mother to be all the nutrients and vitamins necessary, but still eat a healthy diet.

Also of note was the NCT, plastered all over the box. The more I read about them, the more I think we need to join.

Thursday, 15 November 2007

Sue went for her latest midwife appoint today. This one was the local GP, not the hospital. It was slightly fortunate that she's come down with some illness (the flu or a cold), so she was able to address that with the mid-wife as well. Turns out it's a "let it run it's course" cold, but as Sue's in agony, it wasn't the prognosis she was hoping for.

In baby news, all seems to be well and the "fluids" test came back all clear, so it's onward and upward with babytimes!

Tuesday, 13 November 2007

As much as we try to compartmentalise the fiscal impact of the impending baby on our lives, it's ALWAYS going to be more of a blow. As we attempt to list everything we need for B-Day, it's becoming apparent that, apart from our lives, our money won't be ours ever again.

The impact, of course, is more painful given that Sue will be on maternity leave, but she's not alone in taking that and we - as they say - will make due!

Thankfully many places like Boots, etc seem to always have various necessities on sale. Walking to the train station today, I spied a BOGOF on baby wipes, so that's good. Also, some of the things we need will be needed on an ongoing basis, like the aforementioned baby wipes. Start-up costs high, ongoing costs, not so high... hopefully.

There's no doubt about it, with another mouth to feed and less one income, things will be tight but we'll manage... I hope.

Thursday, 8 November 2007

It seems everyday you wake up there's horrible news, and when you're an expectant parent, the news surrounding children hits you hard (I guess the news regarding whatever you're into or have an interest in hits you hard, I've just never taken the news about children to heart as I haven't had any).

Anyway, the Times had an article today on doctors wanting to combine the MMR jab with one for Chickenpox. Fair enough, although the MMR is controversial for making kids autistic and such. However, the article goes on to list all the potential issues and problems a person can have with chickenpox. Here I'm thinking the worst that can happen is you look like Bryan Adams, but nooooo.... You can catch things like "pneumonia, blood poisoning, encephalitis, ataxia (loss of control of limbs), toxic shock and necrotising fasciitis (the flesh-eating bug)."

I just remember rubbing the hell out of my skin with calomine and hoping not to look like Edward James Olmos when it was all done. Cripes, I would have cacked myself if I'd known what I could get!

Tuesday, 6 November 2007

Went to a leaving do this evening for Clare in Hammersmith. Loads of the old-skool AOLers were there, and I guess through the power of Facebook (or gossip, I'd say the chance is 50-50 there), they were all agog with the news of my impending fatherhood.

Between dodgy half-priced cocktails we discussed all the usual that I've been discussing with people who've just found out. "Yes, my boys work" (ha ha), "yeah, we kinda know the sex", "yes we have a name" (don't really care that your annoying landlady shares it, never met her) and "yes we're both excited".

I'm finding that, interestingly, the more of these types of conversations I have, the more the birth of our child is becoming like those conversations you have where you reminisce about a holiday you've taken ("yeah, it was warm", "yes, we ate at wonderful restaurants"). You end up reliving the actual conversations more than remembering the holidays.

It's good baby-wise though, as it DOES make me continue to focus on the matter at hand. Of course, when the baby does actually arrive, the repeated conversations will take on a new slant.

Thursday, 1 November 2007

Sue informed me that the baby is now getting the stage where you can feel it kicking - and not internally. As the mother / foetus carrier,

Sue's had more interaction and more feeling from the baby than I have. I've felt the odd push that could have been a foot or trapped wind. I imagine that from here on the obvious signs are going to get even more obvious.

Friday, 26 October 2007

The walk to the train today turned to talk of other things that our child could be afflicted about that I hadn't given much thought to ... until they were mentioned.

Mainly ADD - Attention Deficit Disorder - and hyperactivity. I want my child to be the best most perfect person they can be.

Crying, and all that is par for the course, but I dealt with many kids when I was a kid that were just too hyperactive and all that and it was harrowing (especially in social situations). I don't want a child who's whacked out on Ritlin or any of those other forms of child dope.

Thursday, 25 October 2007

Laying in bed, watching Miss Potter on DVD, I was afforded the opportunity to feel our pre-natal child doing somersaults in Sue's belly. I felt the odd murmur, which could have easily been wind, save for Sue complaining about all this movement in her stomach.

I guess with 22 weeks fast approaching, activities like these are going to be more common, and to think there's tell of allowing abortions up to 24 weeks! With activities like this it is definitely tantamount to murder.

I look forward to further activities of our wee bairn in the days and weeks to come.

I've just talked to Jim, the latest father in the office, who is now back from paternity leave.

I had a quick quiz with him, regarding paternity leave and pay. According to what I've read on the internet, paternity leave benefits include two weeks off and £100 / week in my pocket from the govnernment. According to Jim, I get full wages from work which is very nice.

Wednesday, 24 October 2007

I guess I'm sounding like every other parent to be, but I can't help thinking the elation we felt over a kick ass 20 week scan doesn't mean we're out of the woods yet. They've given us decent odds on the baby not having Down's Syndrome and other ailments, but I'm now worried about the things you can't tell yet - mainly deafness or blindness. And given that we didn't even have the foresight to worry about certain things, I'm NOW worried there's ailments I HAVEN'T even considered yet.

Of course, the big one that's got to me is SIDS - where the baby just stops breathing in bed.

I don't really know how parents to be do it? I'm gonna be a stressed out worried wreck by the time March rolls round.

Tuesday, 23 October 2007

Now that Amazon sell baby gear, I've created a new wish list for the baby stuff we imagine we're going to need.

I've only got one thing on there so far, but as Sue and I find stuff that we need we'll add it. Mainly so we know what we need in one place, but also if someone wants to buy us something they can handily find a place that lists what we still have outstanding.

Sue called me today to let me know that Jo is going to pay her £100/week (or was it a month) to do a new-mum blog for one of the websites she runs.

That'll be a nice bit of cash in pocket. She also ribbed me (mercilessly, just mercilessly) that I do my blogs for free. True, but there is a certain amount of love and affection and I also want to have this stuff in years to come so I can remember what happened when.

Sunday, 21 October 2007

Spent a LARGE chunk of the afternoon at Earl's Court at the bi-annual baby fair.

If there was anything I didn't know or wasn't prepared for before today, I think that's been sorted by the many stalls at the show.

Only thing I'm worried about now is how to pay for the child. There's so much stuff to get - diapers, stroller, bed, clothing, food, things to feed it with.

I think worry has now been replaced by confusion, as we're not sure which stroller to go for or which diapers or which anything. Much more research and Amazon.co.uk searches are needed before March rears its head.

We did get some wicked and wonderful freebies including literature, coupons, and just loads of information to make us as informed as possible.

Saturday, 20 October 2007

So Sue's in a bit of a tizz as she thinks she's lost the photos from the baby scan. She took them to work and may have recycled them by accident. I'd like to believe that's not true and am trying to convince her of this, but I think she sees it as part of something bigger - i.e. if she can't care for the photos, what will happen to the baby when it arrives?

Time will tell where the photos are, but I have every faith that she will be just a great mum, despite her current protestations that she isn't.

Friday, 19 October 2007

As much as you want to be a part of the pregnancy, as a bloke I think there's an ingrown sense of uselessness all men feel.i mean we're not carrying anything in our bellies, our days aren't filled with random ill episodes and our clothes still fit.

As much as I try to come up with things to do with baby I feel useless, like one of those mates who comes by and just sticks their nose in your situation.

I think it does't help that I rebel against being ordered around and nautrally am turned off a few things I want to do. I think a lot of it boils down to wanting to do stuff on my timetable not someone elses.

One thing I'm going to have to sort out I guess before baby arrives. None of my time will be mine from that point on, and the last label I want to wear is 'useless'.

Well, it seems if the 90% certain girl isn't actually a girl, Sue wants to call it Neil (after Neil Finn, as her second choice for a first name is "Finn").

I'm still partial to Matthew (with Mark Luke as the two middle names) and not because of my mate Matt or Matthew LeTissier or even Matthew Perry. Just like the name and it offsets the shortness of our last name.

Wednesday, 17 October 2007

With the possibility of our baby now looking more and more likely to be a girl, I've been expecting the next uphill battle with Sue - the name. I imagine that with every set of parents, this is one of the biggest stumbling blocks.

Everyone has their set of "no go" names - bosses they've hated, exes, people who broke up their favourite bands, annoying people who served them coffee, etc.

Thankfully, I've really come to like the name Emily, and not because of any extraneous influences - I've got a friend called Emily, there's Emily Watson, See Emily Play (the Pink Floyd song), and a friend of the family is married to one. I was hoping that any of the lame reasons people use to NOT choose a name didn't apply to Sue in the swaying over to the Emily camp.

I can happily report that the uphill battle I envisioned never happened. We're both quite taken with the name and if it's a girl that's what we're going with.

I do however see an uphill battle over the second name, but that's a battle for another day.

Tuesday, 16 October 2007

All is well and the baby's doing fine. So fine, it doesn't have things we didn't even think about. So worried about Down's Syndrome, we didn't even think about things like hairlip or Spina Bifida!

Seeing the baby more developed than 8 weeks ago is making it all the more real. I had a pang of impending fatherhood sitting there watching the midwife slide the ultrasound wand over Sue's goobered belly.

We tried to video the whole thing, but the midwife said they usually frown on that. I managed to sneak in a few seconds of video. To make up for it, she gave us pretty much a whole roll of baby photos!

Saturday, 13 October 2007

We went to an NCT sale today. For the uninitiated (which very recently included me) the NCT stands for National Childhood Trust.

Basically what I imagined the sale to be was parents selling things their little loved ones had recently outgrown. For the most part I was right, but what I didn't count on was the stalls selling new stuff and actually giving out information.

I got the low down on the car seat law (it's any child UNDER 135cm regardless of age, but there seems to be age 12 attached to the law) and Sue got an Indian head massage from a woman who apparently massages babies, after their hard day... at the office? pooping?

Paul came with us and stocked up on secret santa stuff for a pregnant woman at work.

All in all, a nice eye opener, and a good place for us to not only stock up on baby gear but to also offload it once we're done.

For the £1 admission fee, we also got an "I support breastfeeding" wrist band, which they were flogging for £1 in the main area of the fair. Not bad!

Tuesday, 9 October 2007

Just got off the phone with my mate Tahir who also seems to have all his bits in working order. Good on him and his mrs, Maria. They've been together far longer than Sue and I have, so it's good they're having a wee-one too.

This also gives Sue a more friendly person to co-mother with than the random strangers at the clinic or hospital. I can imagine there'll be loads of cross info sharing between them.

Thursday, 4 October 2007

Sue went to see the midwife this afternoon after having picked up her notes from the hospital this morning. And yes, she was working from home, so there was no need to run around town between doing in-office stuff.

Good news is: all is well. The baby is doing well, we're not diseased and things are on track for a March 3 delivery of healthy goodness. Yay!

Sue picked up some sort of bounty pack at the hospital as well, which I think is just a bunch of coupons for baby-related stuff. Yawn.

Next on the agenda is the 20 week scan later this month and a glucose tolerance test for Sue in December. A number of people get gestational diabetes, so I guess they want to make sure all the sugar and chocolate isn't adversely affecting her.

With a few months to go, I thought it prurient to start reading about what we're actually going to be bringing into the world.

It seems you could devote your entire life to reading the exacting a proper way to bring a baby into the world, what to eat, what to avoid, etc.

Before I crack open the latest tome though, I have to say I am still scared to breaking point about bring a new life into the world. On the way to work today I read about a loved private school boy who topped himself in his 20s as a smackhead who couldn't get clean. Then I walked by a nursery for children with problems.

On top of that, when baby does arrive I have to figure out how to drop it off at nursery after 8am and pick up before 6pm, even though I usually take the 7.53a train and never get home before 7p.

I just need to sit down and have someone tell me this is all doable and everything's going to be alright.

I really fret that in 17 years time, Sue and I are going to look at each other and say "where did we go so wrong?" In that, I hope I am very wrong.

Wednesday, 3 October 2007

With Sue in full pregnancy, it's amazing how her sense of smell has developed.

Having said that, sometimes it's been to her detriment. She hasn't had morning sickness all that bad over the last few months, but there are the odd things that she can smell that really makes her step back and take a breath. Most of these things I can't even smell.

A new one today was the site of a dog dropping a liquid load on the grass across from our flat. I'm not sure if it was witnessing the act or the combination of sight and smell that set her off (again I couldn't smell anything), but Sue was rather unwell after that brush with dog business.

I guess morning sickness is a cliché like the crazy cravings - some women are affected, some aren't, and it's never what you expect that will set a person off. I've stocked up on dill pickle ice cream, though, just in case.

Monday, 1 October 2007

Well, if the cat was ever in the bag, it's now been comfortably removed, sitting on the floor drinking some milk.

Almost everyone I know now knows that Sue and I are expecting. I wanted to tell everyone face to face, and given circumstances, wasn't able to - Sue and I had to tell our families over the phone.

Most of my friends in the UK had to wait a few weeks, just because I'm a hermit and don't get out much. Well, over the weekend I managed to see a load of people - from ex-colleagues at a leaving drink on Friday to a group of guys at Paul's birthday on Saturday night and then at the NHL game on Sunday.

Tuesday, 25 September 2007

The closer we get to "babytime", the more I wonder how we are ever going to cope. Yesterday Sue went to the work baby care centre. They want around £1100 / month to look after newborn babies. So, that's not an option.

Apart from that, we've got to figure out all manner of other costings for baby. How we are going to travel to Oz or Canada, when there's three of us to pay for; how all our stuff is going to fit in a pokey flat with even more stuff to buy for baby.

I know people the world over, and in worse economic circumstances than us have babies every day and every year. I just want it to be as perfect or at least as good as it can be.

The mind boggles. I guess that's why I've been buying lottery tickets like an impoverished idiot lately. If I can't get promotions and better pay to get us out of the problem zone, maybe the money of hard-working people can sort me out.

Saturday, 8 September 2007

Went shopping today for various bits and pieces and came across quite the score.

Sue's been talking to her mates in Australia and there's a shop called Pumpkin Patch that does kids clothes and a range of maternity clothes. So, we went shopping to Croydon, ostensibly so Sue could check out the Pumpkin Patch outlet at the Whitgift Centre, one of three shops in the UK (most of them are in Australia and New Zealand).

They had their "Big Patch Sale" on which meant Sue managed to get about £80 worth of clothing for around £30.

Of course, I just can't help thinking that maternity clothes shouldn't be bought, they should be rented. You need them, at most, for around six months and sometimes even less. Still, with sales on, it makes the financial sting a little easier to handle.

Monday, 27 August 2007

We went to my cousin Louise's baby shower, as she just had a baby on Friday and everybody there now knows there's another bubby on the way.

Didn't want to steal the thunder from little baby Harley (named after the motorcycle apparently, not the Batman character as you'd imagine), but everyone there came up to Sue and I to congratulate us on our impending arrival.

Saturday, 18 August 2007

We went to Tina's birthday party in Ealing today (even though her birthday was in April, August USUALLY means better weather) and Sue's friend Shelley - who's going travelling - gave us a load of baby stuff.

I assume this type of thing happens all the time. You have a baby and the 0-6 months stuff becomes obsolete quite quickly, so you hand it on. I can imagine an entire secondary market of "gifts" working this way.

Unlike the property ladder, this one seems quite easy to get onto the bottom rung of.

Saturday, 11 August 2007

Went to the 30th Great British Beer Festival today and they had the best t-shirt combo. There was an adult t-shirt that said "pint" and a baby t-shirt that said "half pint". If any of the stalls took cards, I think I would have been tempted.

When we left the festival, we (Paul, Paul and I) met up with Sue, Michelle, Ruby and Shelley who were hanging out in Green Park sunning themselves and changing and feeding Stella, Shelley's baby.

The cat came out of the bag when Shelley congratulated me and Paul asked me if I had something to tell him.