The Art of Kissing

I’m a tactile person and I love kissing. I think it’s vital in a physical relationship. Stop kissing and the passion and emotional connection soon dwindles. If I’m not being kissed and cuddled regularly then I don’t feel turned on or interested in sex. For the past four years I’ve been in a relationship with a man who doesn’t like kissing. He’s happy to take it or leave it so a brief peck now and then had become the norm, and it wasn’t something we did during sex.

When we first met there was more lip action but as things developed it became obvious that we weren’t compatible in this area and I told him it was an issue for me. I got fed up with hearing myself nag about it so eventually I stopped asking. I took him to a Tantra workshop and I realised that I can’t change who he is. It’s become clear that we’re not compatible in certain areas so I’ve decided to end the relationship. I’d rather be alone than compromise on things that are important to me. Life is too short not to be 100% happy and fulfilled physically and emotionally. It’s not the only reason for our break-up but it’s an important part of it.

Kissing makes me feel connected to someone. It makes me feel alive and sexy. It’s more intimate than sex and you can tell so much about a man from the way he kisses. It’s a seduction and you get a sense of what kind of lover he will be. Do you like the way he smells and tastes? Does he use his hands to hold you and kiss your face and neck? Those soft, tiny nibbles – I find the tease and anticipation very sexy. It also gives you a chance to discover each other’s erogenous zones. Nitya LaCroix, author of The Art of Tantric Sex says, “It is much more erotic to feel, to hesitate; the kiss is a seduction, an opening, a fusion.”

There’s a connection between the lips and the genitals, and our lips have glands that release chemical substances when we kiss to enhance our pleasure. According to Tantric practice, stimulating the clitoris sends a sensation to the upper lip, so I presume it’s vice versa.

The most passionate kissing session I’ve had was with a Brazilian guy I met in The End, a club in London, on my 28th birthday. There was an instant physical spark and I spent most of the night sat on his lap snogging his face off. We got kicked out of the club when it closed and moved the action to a bench on the Southbank. Delicious memories.

Do men feel the same way about kissing or is it just a female thing? I asked my girlfriends for their comments and they agree that it’s important: “I’ve dumped men before because I don’t like the way they kiss.” Another said and she and hubby are very tactile but she’s not that fussed about kissing and he is. She thinks it’s important to find a good kisser though and “A pert little butt and a big cock doesn’t go amiss either.” Quite right

The first person I ever French kissed was my best friend at school when I was 12. It was soft, sensual and slightly naughty as we were both girls and well, you really shouldn’t be kissing your best mate should you? A short time later I kissed Colin Spears – the local bad boy – in the subway. It was a bit mechanical in comparison but still pretty nice. Debbie Harry’s French Kissin’ in the USA was out at the time and it brings a smile to my face when I hear it.