Washington DC - (Jan 28) -
Apparently, according to so-called "CNN," the so-called
"President of the So-Called 'United States,'" looked a
lot cooler than New York drag-queen/Mayor, Rudy
Giuliani, last night, when he appeared in public, for
the first time, in his new State of the Union Dress.

However, former New Yorker so-called "writer,"
Sidney Blumenthal, immediately sued Drudge for $30
billion dollars, saying the dress was really a
"salmon-rust color," and calling it "red" was "just a
blatant attempt to defame the history of the world, in
general, and human cognitive processes, in particular."

Clinton, on zero sleep and lotsa uppers, apparently felt
so good in his new dress, he decided to give an
impromptu speech. So he rounded up all his old drinking
and whoring buddies, and got all the, you know,
"members" of the so-called "House and Senate" to crowd
into the so-called "House Chambers" and listen to his
impromptu speech, and applaud when he told them to.

"You buncha sickass shitbags," he told the members of
the House and Senate, but then, departed from his
prepared remarks.

"I'd like to depart now," he told them, "From my
prepared remarks, in order to hum a few bars of my new
multi-platinum single, 'Clinton in the Wind, '98.'"

When he was done, and everyone was finished applauding,
he went into a long-winded, avant-garde Social Security
rant that was really designed just to let him spew a
long stream of wacky blowjob double entendres that
cracked everybody up while he maintained a perfectly
cold and deadpan demeanor despite the active engagement
of the Lucasfilm animatronic blowjob device housed in
the base of the podium.

Then he passed out the official Monica Lewinsky "White
House Knee-Pads" and told the assembled members how
much he wanted an oral proffer from each and every one
of them, "You know, just like the one Ken Starr got from
William Ginsburg. You know, to show your loyalty, an
all, now that you've all been reduced to impotent,
quivering, sacks of shit."

Eventually, when all the knee pads were worn through to
the floorboards, Clinton did some kind of 3-d graphic
kinda thing, and somehow physically segued onto the
stage, atom by atom, one by one, from both sides, the
actors and mimes who'd made tonight's show possible.

"Let's have a big hand," the President said as the
players joined him, "For the players who've made this
show possible -- Mr. Ken Starr on castanets -- Paula
Jones, whining and vocals -- Linda Tripp, audio
sampling, -- Lucianne Goldberg, on synthesizers --
James Carville on percussion -- Vernon Jordan, triangle
-- Leon Panetta, on accordion -- Susan Carpentar
McMillan, back up vocals, and of course, our rising
young star-is-born, Monica Lewinsky, on big fucking
mouth."

Clinton made a sweeping motion with his arm to each as
they appeared onstage, and then they all joined hands
and took a number of long, deep bows together to the
wild applause of the assembled Senators and congressmen
and their sycophant butt-boys and girls.

When the applause died down and everyone was seated
again, Clinton addressed the assembled Senators and
congressmen and their sycophant butt-boys and girls.

"As your President and Entertainer-in-Chief," he began,
"I'm aware of the great feeling of spiritual emptiness
and longing that's been sweeping our people since the
end of the OJ trial.

"With a perfect economy, no unemployment or inflation,
world peace, and no crime or homelessness at home, I
know it's hard for the American people to have anything
to really give a flying fuck about.

"So I came up with the idea for this little national
psycho-drama right after the so-called 'First Lady,'
told me she was pretty sure that to solve the problems
of our people, it was definitely gonna, you know, 'Take
a blowjob.' And maybe even 2 or 3 blowjobs."

Then Clinton disbanded Congress, impeached the Supreme
Court, and unanimously declared himself President for
Life, with no possibility of parole.