I disagree with your analogy. Exclusive means not available to everyone. A cash bar IS available to everyone, and they can choose whether or not to partake.

IMO it is more akin to someone bringing their own liquor to your dinner party because they prefer to drink scotch but know you only serve beer and wine. I wouldn't say "No, you can't drink that because I haven't provided it" - because I don't care what they drink, so long as they have a good time at my party. But I also don't feel obligated to cater to every preference.

Would you ask your guest to pay to sit a table closer to the head table at a reception? Remember, it's not exclusive because anyone can pay for the privilege! Or, perhaps, you'd offer cold sandwiches to all guests, as well as filet mignon to anyone who wanted to pay extra? Or charge guests for access to the dance floor?

I agree that your proposed scenario is akin, but we disagree on how astoundingly rude it is. "Your hospitality is insufficient, so I decided to provide some of my own!" Really, this is extremely rude (of the guest; of course it's gracious for the host to overlook the slight).

Powers &8^]

Your table example doesn't count because it ISN'T available to everyone. Even if I did decide to do that, if everyone took me up on it, I could not fulfil it. Not everyone can sit next to the head table. But every CAN have a fancy drink.

Charging guests to access the dancefloor is similarly silly - I don't incur a cost per head to provide a dancefloor so such a charge would merely be a moneymaking exercise on my part. There's no reasonable reason behind it.

As for the food - well honeslty, whatever. If I threw a party with fingerfood and the bar offered other options and someone felt strongly that they needed a burger and bought one, then I'd probably think it strange, but if that meant they had a better time at my party, I'm in support.

But can you guys understand why hosts might feel insulted if guests did this? How it might telegraph to hosts that their hospitality isn't good enough, and that doing so is rude? Even if you, personally, as a host, wouldn't mind?

But can you guys understand why hosts might feel insulted if guests did this? How it might telegraph to hosts that their hospitality isn't good enough, and that doing so is rude? Even if you, personally, as a host, wouldn't mind?

Intellectually yes, but in reality no - because the culture here just doesn't work that way. To be offended on that basis just seems silly to me. But then I feel the same about people who host a dinner party and get upset at someone merely offering to bring something.

I believe you, but I cannot relate and have never heard from anyone (locally) that they or someone else has been bothered by any of this.

But can you guys understand why hosts might feel insulted if guests did this? How it might telegraph to hosts that their hospitality isn't good enough, and that doing so is rude? Even if you, personally, as a host, wouldn't mind?

Powers &8^]

I can understand that in many parts of the US, this is considered an insult. Here it just isn't.

But can you guys understand why hosts might feel insulted if guests did this? How it might telegraph to hosts that their hospitality isn't good enough, and that doing so is rude? Even if you, personally, as a host, wouldn't mind?

Powers &8^]

I can understand that in many parts of the US, this is considered an insult. Here it just isn't.

Another Aussie ditto. I've don't have a problem seeing that US or other cultures may have a different take on it.

Even different social groups within the same country can have different views of what's ok.

It's always interesting to learn and discuss the differences. I may even change my mind on some points as a result. I just don't want others to impose their quite different standards on me.

I got married on a hot July evening on the Gulf Coast (US). The liquor we offered was champagne and frozen margaritas. The reception was late at night (after and we had heavy hors duerves. The guests stayed long after dh and I left. In fact, the electricity went out so my mother lit candles all over the house (my parents entertained quite a bit so we had a large house). The guests still wouldn't leave and called the candlelight "magic."