I'm having a little (okay, a LOT) of anxiety about going through labour again. First baby was a scheduled c-section and second was a successful vbac - 14 hours of back labour and really bad tearing. Our hospital's only pain management options are demerol or epidural. Please tell me I'll get through this and it will be easier than last time!!

First birth was managed in hospital by the on-call OB, whom I'd never met. the room was full - the doc and three or four nurses crammed around me. They wouldn't let me push when my body wanted to (I'm now sure it was because THEY weren't ready), then did the whole push on your back, count to ten thing. I had people yelling at me, a baby with a nuchal hand and decels (maybe because he was crammed in the birth canal while I had to wait to push?!?) and a 3rd degree episiotomy. It sucked and the birth felt completely disconnected to the baby.

Second time, I went with midwives, spent a LOT of time talking about what I didn't want and basically took back control. Still birthed in hospital but only the two midwives were in the room and they were supporting me rather than managing me.

Also, both births were precipitous labour. Active labour with my son was just over two hours. Active labour with my daughter (from when it was clearly real labour and not more Braxton hicks) was about 45 mins to an hour. VERY intense. But the first time around, I thought I had hours to go when I was actually in transition and I completely lost focus. Second time, I knew my body better and felt that the pain and intensity was productive so I was able to manage it mentally much better.