Sunday, August 7, 2011

I'm writing this for my records really and so I can look back and remember my feelings and struggles to help me get through the tough times while trying to achieve my goals. Sorry it's a little long, you don't have to read if you don't want to.

I have been struggling with my weight for a good while now...a while being like 3 or so years. I guess since I started having kids, but this goes even before the kids. I blame the birth control. Ever since I started taking that pill I gained like 25 pounds or so and haven't really been able to get it off. Doctors and nurses will say that it doesn't directly effect your weight but I disagree, it messes with your metabolism and hormones and that in turn effects your weight and whole body outlook. I'm determined to get my metabolism back to normal or a somewhat normal state.

During 2009 I started exercising after I had Brooklyn, I really wanted to get into shape so I went to the gym a few times a week and ran on the tredmill and also joined a boot camp. I lost like 15 pounds which was huge. I felt great and my clothes were fitting me comfortably. I then learned I was pregnant again with Peyton, I was thrilled of course and kept on working out to keep my body in good shape. I was able to work out until I was about 7 months along and then it just became to painful to do much so I gave it a break. When Peyton was 8 weeks old, which was in Sep/Oct of 2010 I started running again and was able to run 2 miles, 3 days in a row with no problem. I tried to make sure that I drank enough water and ate enough to keep up with my working body so I could supply Peyton with enough milk, but after the 3rd day of running I didn't have enough after all to feed the poor little man. I got really freaked out and stopped working out which was wasn't the best solution for myself but it was the best thing for Peyton. I had a little bit of a hard time getting my milk back. But I ate lots of oatmeal, anything with yeast, and drank rootbeer and Peyton seemed to be just fine with what I had to offer. Because I stopped working out and have always heard to eat 500 extra calories a day to help feed the babe, I gained all the weight back from the year before. I'm pretty sure it was because I was so paranoid so I over ate. I was doing it all wrong. I was ok with it at the time though because it was the best thing for Peyton, So I thought. I later learned that as long as I ate good meals 6 times a day then my body will adjust and should make all it needs for my baby. But everyone's body is different.

In January I signed up for a boot camp that turned out to be totally awesome, I didn't really see any results but it helped to watch what I ate. I ate good and healthy meals but I had a hard time keeping the sugar out of my diet and still do. I don't think I over do it but it's just enough to keep me from reaching my goal. I've got to get some will power. after the boot camp was over I started a awesome work out at Icon. It has given me the most results so far. I lost 12 inches off my waist and keep losing inches just not much weight, I am really not to concerned about the weight anymore just the inches and how I feel and look. The only problem with me and the workout is it is at 6:30am and I have had a hard time getting up early because I stay up to late for school or because i want to spend more time with Clarke. I'm supposed to go 3 times a week and I usually only go once or twice but in the last 3 weeks I haven't gone at all. Clarke was gone for the week for scout camp and to Vernal for work so that means no early morning work outs. I also started watching my friends little girl who is 8, she gets to my house at 3:45am so I wake up to make sure she gets in ok and then I go back to sleep but I have no desire to get back up at 6am so I just sleep in and try to go running at night. Lately I have not been trying to hard so it's my own fault. If I want results then I have to put the work into it and work really hard. This last week on Wed. I got sick and it kind of stuck with me everyday since. My stomach and appetite just hasn't been the same. I'm not sure if I still have a bug or what. I took a pregnancy test so I know I'm not pregnant. I just hope it goes away. I have made a new goal and am going to be strict with myself with the help from Clarke, ICON, and my new friend Kayla. I am determined to lose weight and feel good about myself again. I hate my arms, bum, thighs, stomach, shoulders, chest, chin, and face. the only thing I like about my body right now is my calves, feet and hands. I hate pictures of me too. I'm not depressed about it or anything, I try not to let it get me down because only I can change it and I know what I need to do to change it. Those are just some things that I really am not happy with right now. Someday I hope to be happy with how I look again and I know it will happen!!

2
comments:

Believe me, I understand how you feel! I have so much weight to lose after baby #3. But, you look gorgeous no matter what! Those extra curves wouldn't be there if you didn't have two little bodies by your side. That's what's important! Just stay healthy and feeling good.

Bre! You have no idea how glad I am to hear that I am not the only one struggling with this issue. I seriously have been having the hardest time adjusting to the new body after a baby. Right before I had Taxten I got down to the weight that I have always wanted to be and the weight that I was when I was in high school. I still have about 25 pounds to loose to get back to that and Taxten is now 4 months old. It is so hard to find the time to work out and I too have been terrified that if I over do it that my milk will dry up. So I think for sure that I way over do it with the eating. I used to never eat sweets until I got preggers too, but now I keep eating them. If you ever want to just blow off some steam about this issue I am here for you! I seriously am so glad that you posted this. I know that it is an old post, but I haven't had much time to got online! LOL I miss you tons missy! Keep your chin up, cause you aren't the only one going through this! :)

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About Me

Clarke and I were married September 23, 2005 and live in Logan. Clarke just graduated in Horticulture with an emp. in Business and is starting grad school in Weed Science this May. I am working full time at the hospital as a Phelbotomist. We just had our first baby girl, Brooklyn, who was born on January 6, 2009. I am planning on going back to school in the Fall of '09 to get my Nursing Degree.