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Kids these days–they grow up so fast. Little Suri Cruise was hanging out in Vancouver with her nanny and bodyguard when she decided to treat them to some Starbucks. I’m not kidding. The 4-year-old paid for not only her small order, but for the drinks of her caretakers.

"So I says to Sedaris, I says..."

Then Suri sat around talking about how the new TV On The Radio single isn’t as good as “Dancing Choose“, and how she thought Black Swan was overrated.

Oh my GOD, this little…person. She totally would go to Starbucks, because Tim Horton’s is so passe`. Earlier that day she visited a library with her dad, probably checked out the new latest David Sedaris book , then had dinner with him at Joe Fortes Steakhouse.

That (faux, she asked for a real mink one) fur coat she’s wearing is by French kid’s clothing company Eliane et Lena. The coat costs about $170 US.

Barf.

Stinky feet and scabby knees.

[Editor’s Note to be read in Brody’s voice from the classic Mallrats: That KID is not wearing tights or SOCKS again! I can smell the stink from here!]

Gotdammit. I totally hijacked Brittani’s post. Sorry. You know how I feel about this child. ~ DivaJulia

I’m gonna say this once. (Okay, that’s a fib. We all know my sport of choice is beating a dead horse, so this rant is only beginning.) Don’t even compare a 9-year old MICHAEL JACKSON to Willow Smith. Michael had raw talent; his parents were not wealthy celebrities who could get him into any record labels door…so just don’t EVEN. Oh–and let’s add the electronic enhancements to Miss Willow’s voice on her “Whip My Hair” single–MORE than auto-tune–that Michael didn’t have to depend upon.

AUTO TUNE for babies now??I can't. Shoe pants??

It’s being widely reported that Willow has been signed to Jay-Z’s label

“It’s rare to find an artist with such innate talent and creativity at such a young age. Willow is about to embark on an incredible journey and we look forward to joining her as she grows in all aspects of her career.

If you sat with [Willow] for half an hour, she’s just a wealth of information and ideas. She has child innocence but she has a clear vision of what she wants and who she wants to be.”

MTV.com quoted a few more comments which plainly (but clearly inadvertently?) indicate how very much celebrity nepotism played a part in Willow’s signing with Jay-Z’s Roc Nation:

“Describing Willow’s debut as “a hit,” Jay-Z said on Thursday morning (September 9) that he first heard the track before he knew it had been recorded by a 9-year-old. “I was like, ‘Man, that record’s a smash.’ And then [Roc Nation partner] Jay Brown said, ‘She’s 9,’ and I was like, ‘Whoa!’ And [then] he was like, ‘She’s Will and Jada’s daughter,’ and I was like, ‘Whoa!’ and it just went from there.”

Willow and Jaden Smuggy McEntitlesmith

Hov first met with Willow in Japan, where she was traveling with her family for big brother Jaden’s film “The Karate Kid.” Jay-Z was impressed with the youngster’s natural confidence.

Although Willow only started working on her music this year, Jay-Z — who drew comparisons to another young pop star he discovered, Rihanna — said he sees great things in the young artist’s future.

“I don’t want to go so far, but I can imagine that’s how Mike [Jackson] was as a young kid — he knew exactly what he wanted,” Jay said, comparing Smith to the late King of Pop. To critics who question Willow’s early start, Jay-Z pointed out that music stars often have early beginnings. STOP. RIGHT. THERE.

“I believe that you have to start somewhere, and when you have that sort of talent and vision, there’s no such thing as too young. Again, I heard the record without knowing who it was. … We all danced to Michael Jackson records when he was 8. Stevie Wonder started at 8, it’s just what it is, who she is.” I said: STOP!!

Jaaay-zus H. Comparing this little snip to Stevie and Michael??? My hair is on fire. I need food and an extinguisher. Bloody NOW.