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Topic: Update: Guests gone (Read 1088 times)

I felt you all deserved an update on my situation. Our beautiful baby girl is now 5 wks old, born small but healthy (just now reaching 7lbs!). I recovered well. Thanks so much for the well wishes! My parents were here 2 wks. Although they were very helpful, I was beginning to feel annoyed & want to get into our own "family" routine. The ILs left today, after 2 wks. They arrived a day early and things went down from there. I could make a list of perceived wrongs, irritations, and my own wrongs but frankly, it will do no good. I am exhausted, angry, and saddened by the whole thing - my own actions/inactions included.

In another post Pooh wrote:

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I took everything to heart that my MIL said and did, instead of being able to recognize that she was just that way and move on. I resented her, I dreaded seeing her coming and I am sure that I wasn't easy to get along with as well because I was looking for her to do something before she ever got there. Not a good attitude about the entire thing and I am sure I was giving off bad vibes to her as well. She was not easy to deal with, but I'm sure I didn't help

This is exactly how I am feeling. I have decided to seek out professional counselling to try to help me move beyond this situation - I KNOW I shouldnt take everything to heart but I can't seem to DO it. My anger, guilt and sadness over this situation effects me and I worry my marriage cannot stand up to it. I feel sad that I am stealing a little bit of husbands happiness by not being able to deal with his FOO. The fact that we live far apart and always have close contact for long lengths of time does not help the situation.

ANyway, jsut wanted to let yo know what had happened & say thanks to those who offered support and to those who offered the flip side of the coin.

I know what you mean about the anger building up and snatching away happiness that could be there. Recently I read "The Dance of Anger" and I cannot recommend it enough. Kudos to you for seeking outside help. I did as well and I know not everyone has good experiences but I will be forever grateful to my therapist.

In situations like yours, I do not think fair is always equal. Two weeks is a long time for anyone, just like you said with your FOO.

Congrats ST. Glad to hear the baby is doing well. I wish I had sought help to deal with my MIL 25 years ago. It would not have changed her, but it could have changed my reactions to her. I would think that I could have found healthier ways to deal with her and in doing so, may have had a better relationship with her. And if it didn't make us have a better relationship, it probably would have made me better prepared to deal with her and kept me from holding so much resentment and hostility towards her.

I hope now that your FOO and his FOO has had their visiting time, you can get some much needed rest and alone time with just your family. Glad you checked in an updated us.

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We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -Joseph Campbell

ST, congratulations to you and your family. Sorry to hear what you've been dealing with otherwise. I'm glad you finally have some peace and quiet so you can enjoy this sweet time.

Thanks for the update, and for your very honest post. I agree with Pooh; you can't change the ILs but you can adjust your reactions so you aren't in so much pain and anger when they do what they do. If a better relationship comes out of it, that's just icing. Your DH will be happier either way, I think.

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Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique. -- Annie Gottlieb

justus

Congratulations!! I am glad you will have time now to concentrate on your own new family.

You are embarking on a wise path. The only person you have control over is you. By allowing the ILs to make you miserable, you are giving up your own power in the situation. I think you will be amazed at what will happen when you get to the point of not being affected by them.