Aliens have invaded Earth and the meager defenses humanity has mounted are quickly crumbling. Now there are only two things left that can save the planet. The first is Sam, the second is somewhere in Egypt.

Things are about to get serious. Again.

Recommended Age

Minimum Age

Available On...

16

14

PC

Overall Fun

Length

Frustration

Violence

Sexuality

Substances

Gambling

8

7

5

10

2

2

0

Mods

Religion

Anti-Law

Community

Sports

Magic

Miscellaneous

1

2

0

0

0

2

1

1. Gameplay

Overall Fun - 8

Serious Sam 3 is the game that Duke Nukem Forever should have been. It’s one of the few games I’ve played that shows that old school shooter mechanics can be brought into the new world with the right amount of love and care. Sam’s ridiculous machismo, impossible weaponry, and insane number of enemies in the playing field at once are all holdovers from an era of games where installations were measured in kilobytes, colors were measured in double digits, and realistic graphics included pixels the size of legos. But even without the inevitable nostalgia trip this game can induce, the frantic pace of the gameplay is addictive, especially for those who enjoy twitchier shooters.

This game is all about speed. Pull the trigger at the right time, dodge at the right moment, kill the right enemy, and you’ll go on without much issue. Miss those things and you can quickly find yourself in a world of hurt. Enemies don’t come at you in groups of five or ten, they come at you by the dozen. There are parts of this game where you’ll look out at the battlefield and see a hundred enemies all rushing straight at you. And then you will kill them all.

Forget all sense of realism. Serious Sam doesn’t need to consult a map or think about which weapons he should bring and which he should leave behind. He’ll take them all into combat and wield them with deadly accuracy. Even if it’s a giant cannon.

There are downsides to this game though. Sam’s voice actor is pretty terrible. Part of this is done on purpose, Sam is supposed to be a satirical action hero, but a lot of this is just poor timing and delivery. Lines that should be funny often fall totally flat. The voice actor sounds like what I would expect Sam to sound like, but I would have really like someone who could deliver the machismo lines with the right punch.

And the final level of this game was a frustrating letdown. I took somewhere between 1.5 and 2 hours to complete it. It was a long, boring canyon with an insane number of enemies and a boss battle that required me to look up how to complete it. While this wouldn’t keep me from recommending the game, it was a very sour endnote to an otherwise awesome experience.

Length - 7

I completed the campaign in around 11 hours and was having a great time until the last level. That being said, I own the “Jewel of the Nile” DLC and have no desire to play through it. All of the mods, all of the hidden content, all of the achievements, everything that I could potentially complete cannot make me even consider pulling this game back up. Not everyone will be left with the same feeling, and for those who do want more Sam there’s plenty in this game, but I can’t bring myself to do it right now.

Frustration Factor - 5

This is a fairly straightforward game, and those who are familiar with old-school shooter mechanics will understand how to approach this game. That being said, those who grew up on newer shooters (i.e. ones with a regenerating health system) will be caught completely off-guard by the mechanics. In new shooters, the player takes cover for a few seconds to regenerate health. In old shooters (like this one), the player must continuously push forward to find health packs.

That aside, the last level of this game was abysmal. It was extremely long, difficult, and boring. I stopped having fun with it after the first hour and it didn’t improve past that. The final boss battle was so insanely illogical that I had to look up how to finish it. While that may not seem like a big deal, keep in mind that Serious Sam is a game where 99% of the combat is simply “run” and “shoot”.

Fortunately, this was not representative of the rest of the gameplay. While some of the enemies were more annoying to deal with than others (if I see those monkeys one more time...), every enemy can be dispatched with the right application of firepower and ingenuity.

2. Parental Notices

Violence - 10

Violence is by far the most prevalent factor in this game. The player will kill tens of thousands of enemies over the course of the game, and blood will be included with every weapon type. From shotguns to C4, from a sledgehammer to a giant cannon, every weapon the player uses will have devastating impact on enemies. While the specific level of blood and gore will vary depending on the weapon, there is no doubt that the player will see blood and chunks by the bucketful before the game is done.

The lowest level of violence is when the player attacks the skeletal enemies. While these enemies break apart fairly easily, they don’t emit any sort of blood at all.

If the player uses the assault rifle or minigun, the amount of blood isn’t as high as it can be with other weapons. Each weapon is designed for specific instances and enemy types, so the ones that are suited for the assault rifle are generally farther away. This also helps to diminish the effect of the blood.

The amount of blood and gore increases quickly from there. Shooting enemies up close with shotguns results in a shower of blood and gore. The amount of blood and gore increases significantly depending on the size of the enemy.

Even if the player kills enemies from a distance, the aftermath will often contain severed limbs and patches of blood.

The player can melee enemies as well. Some of these melee attacks involve ripping an enemy’s eye or heart out.

Sexuality - 2

The harpies in this game are topless. One of the cutscenes focuses on them specifically, so this is unavoidable. However, the harpies are not as common in the game as I expected. They show up in a few levels but, aside from their initial introduction, don’t play much of a factor in combat.

Substances - 2

Sam uses medkits and other similar packs to regain health in the game. Since this includes many of the old-world of shooter mechanics, the player will have to constantly pick up health packs in order to stay combat-ready.

These types of kits aren’t that big of a deal, but the 1-point health items are a bit stranger. These come in the form of large pill bottles. I presume they’re painkillers of some sort, but the game never really specifies. Since each bottle adds only 1 health, the player will have to pick up dozens of them in any area in order to get any significant effect.

However, while that may seems suspicious, keep in mind that there is no animation associated with picking up any item. The player doesn’t actually take each bottle of pills, he just picks it up and gets the health.

Gambling - 0

Gambling is not a factor in this game.

3. Other Factors

Mods - 1

Serious Sam 3 does allow for modding and includes a wide variety of interesting mods that change everything from the skin of enemies to the weapons Sam can wield in combat. However, none of the mods I found increased the mature content in any significant way.

Religion - 2

This game takes place in Egypt and includes vague references to Egyptian gods. Many of the locations include symbols and statues that could be interpreted as part of the Egyptian religion.

That being said, it’s always a bit difficult for me to draw a line between ancient Egyptian culture and religion. The two seem intertwined. I don’t consider this to be a major element of “religion”, but it would be incorrect to say that religion is completely absent from this game’s setting.

Anti-Law - 0

Anti-law is not a factor in this game.

Online Community - 0

While there are multiplayer modes for this game, I was unable to find anyone playing online. As a result, the online community is not a factor in this game.

Extreme Sports - 0

While Sam may do some ridiculous things in this game, none of them seemed like extreme sports.

Magic - 2

Much of the alien technology in this game doesn’t seem to be based in any sort of understandable or relatable technology. It tends to exist in the “science fantasy” realm rather than the “science fiction” realm. While many elements of the enemy alien’s technology could be explained away as simply “advanced”, the tech related to time travel and Sam’s electric lasso weapon were not obviously based in any legitimate technology. I therefore consider them to be magical in nature.

Miscellaneous - 1

Human DisfigurementThere are a few enemies that look human enough to possibly pass as significantly deformed people. The game includes them amongst all the aliens, but without the backstory and context they could pass as human.