The Russian Government Announces Vladimir Putin's Divorce On 'Kimmel'

News broke yesterday that Vladimir Putin is finally single after 30 years of marriage. Jimmy Kimmel explained that Putin and his wife divorced over the normal long-term couple squabbles, you know, "don't invade Ukraine, stop cracking down on dissent, why must you consolidate power? Annoying."

The biggest surprise, however, came in the Kremlin's announcement about split. Let's just say they handle these things a little differently in Russia.

Check out the clip above to see how Putin's spokesperson broke the news to the Russian people. Rawwwwr.

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Aren't we all?

Is there any other kind?

For Brynne, exorcism isn't just a fun after-school activity, it's her life.

Where does he find the time?

Want.

Update: This news story made Gerald extremely angry.

Helen Wolff had always been wild, but opening an erotic boutique at 65, was a shock to everyone.

He's all about giving.

Wait, is this a wedgie-proof item of some kind or a wedgie-related theorem?

Not loves... likes.

He just can't commit to pursuing it professionally.

Alternate option: Wears Bear Hat Near Gas Station

And proud of it!

When you think about it, it's pretty surprising that any of us are here.