food

Which is the problem. Also! Apparently I am twice as more sassy when I get drunk. Whoopdeedooooo.

So Halloween weekend I was the biggest bully ever. And the thing is I am 5’1. I’m tiny. Tiny little me was telling everyone off!!

We were at this house party and yes I told some 6′ foot guy to step aside since I wasn’t talking to him. My roommate brought her friends over and I sassed them all out. I sassed her sassiest friend! I mean how!?

The best part…..I don’t even remember doing ANY of it.

Yup. No recollection what so ever. Great right.

Then to top it all off.

We were at burgerking. you know finishing our night. And these two douchebags walk in and starts telling us how amazing they are. How they earn so much money because they manage multi million dollar companies. Then they go on to talk about the one guy’s traps! TO QUOTE. “I go to the gym and only work on my traps. feel them. they’re huge. no?”

Dude. I’m in like for my fries. Do you really think I’m gonna care about your back muscles. Calm the eff down and walk away.

That was what I was thinking. Throughout the whole thing my friend was sarcastically say “ya. really? that’s so cool.” just to fill in the gaps of this horrendous conversation that NO ONE wanted.

After obviously laughing at them for not realizing that we didn’t care. He proceeded to google his name, which
1. My phone was at 8% so no thanks
2. I am frankly too lazy to get my phone out for some guy’s last name
and 3. AGAIN I DIDN’T CARE ENOUGH

So my response “To be honest I’d rather not.” to which he shoves his phone into my face with his last name googled. Really dude? Reaaalllly?? I legit could not even.

I just told the guy we’re in a line and to turn around and face the right way. And after having my back to him for like 2 mins he leans into my line of sight and asks me if I hate him. Realizing that I may have hurt his feelings a little I turned and told him. “listen, I don’t hate you. I don’t.” I mean I wasn’t gonna apologize. They were announcing to everyone in BK that they were the shit.

So then to which he tells me “no. no. you hate me” to which I ask “do you want me to hate you?”
He nods “ya I do.”
So I say “oh. Okay. then I do. I do hate you”
TO WHICH HE GETS UPSET AGAIN AND TURNS AROUND BITCHING.

i am floored at this point. This guy was worse than a woman being sad while pmsing or something. there was just no winning.

There was this guy close by who heard our conversation and told me i was being to harsh. so i asked him.
“I mean if i told you to sit in a chair and you sat in it AND THEN i bitched at you for sitting in that chair. What would you do?”
he thought about it for a second and nodded. “fair point” he said, agreeing with me. there was just no winning.

So finally. We got our food and dipped as fast as we could from that BK. and then just because I felt bad for being a little bit mean. every person that walked by me even if they were in just in normal clothes I told them they looked great. I was fucking oprah after BK, giving everyone i saw compliments!

ps. the douchebag from BK also grabbed my friends ass. after that point i thought he deserved a little reality check.

Since coming to university I really hated all the guys I have met. Not to be rude, but I just feel they are worse than the males I had to deal with in High School.

So over Easter Break, I broke and finally went on Tinder. I know!
But I did it. I only did it with the thought to boost my self esteem since it’s been months since coming to university and I haven’t met ONE decent guy. I just wanted to shallowly judge men for their looks, no harm in that.

And so forth, I swiped. It was actually really fun at first and I probably kept myself entertained for the weekend. For the record I ONLY swiped, I didn’t feel the need to have interactions with these guys. I mean would I really trust someone whom I have never met.

And so, I come back to Uni and of course I got bored and didn’t want to study so I opened up tinder. Though the level of attractiveness severely dropped once coming to uni (Sorry guys).
I walked over to my friend and told her I broke and got Tinder (she’s in a relationship thus she’s not allowed to have tinder lol).

She took my phone and we both had fun judging guys. Until we came across this guy who was REALLY cute, and I mean after soooooo many no’s he was a definite yes. And again, I repeat I never message any of the guys I match with because frankly I just have too much pride for it and I really don’t trust ever meeting with anyone of these guys.
I think it’s a reasonable concern for a five foot girl to go alone to meet a guy I met on the internet….Let’s be real.

We finished up with our Tinder binge and got over it. I never thought much about it until said guy messaged me. It was a really good conversation. He didn’t seem like an asshole and we had a solid conversation about our lives.

This went on for a couple of days, and to be honest there’s only so much that could be said over messaging, plus messaging on Tinder is a bitch.

So I somehow got convinced into meeting this guy in person and I was freaking out.

One: because I’ve never actually gone a first date with someone whom I did not know completely. Because back in high school, you at least know “of” the guy and his reputation.

Two: He could potentially be a serial killer I wouldn’t know, being cute doesn’t validate he’s not. It’s usually the cute ones that are the killers.

He managed to get my number as well (I’m so weak) and we set a date and time. IT WAS THE MOST WEIRDEST THING.
It was strangely awkward. My oddest worry was the I didn’t look as attractive as my pictures.

We went out, got drinks, had food.
Solid conversation, talking to him felt like I was talking to my bestie. Going through multiple topics not realizing how smoothly the subjects were changing.

The place we went was a small cozy looking bar with really high chairs. No complaints.
They had an exquisite bar! There was a stacks of bottles, frankly it looked really gorgeous. An alcoholic’s dream. The place was dimly lit, a small candle on the small table. I give it to him, he picked a good place.

Once we were finally done staying there, because we did take our sweet time. The sun set and the cold spring air came around. Though it was evident to both of us that we didn’t want to stop talking. Which I found to be a real turn on actually. He made me not want to look at my phone, because he never touched his. Even though I didn’t touch mine (out of respect as well) I didn’t want to. I mean why ruin it.

Thus we both decided to go for a walk. And at this point it was already like two and a half hours into the date.
We walked backed to his car, and he grabbed his jacket and we went for a walk. Continued talking and another hour passed and we slowly made it back to his car. We stood there a second and he asked “did you still want to walk?” but it was more so I just wanted to still keep talking to him. We were hitting the four hour mark on this date.
Do dates last that long?

I said, “I still want to walk. Let’s walk on the train tracks and see where it goes” and that’s what we did even at this point we didn’t know what time it was. So we followed the tracks, it led into some pretty creepy places, but I had a six foot guy beside me, was I still worried? Yup. I still was.

We finally turned around a certain point and walked back to the car, hitting the five hour mark on this date. Which surprised us both. He offered to drive me back to my place (because he actually didn’t pick me up from my place. We met at a plaza which was like 15 mins away from where I was)

So I trusted him, he parked the car and offered to walk me to the bottom of my building. And that awkward moment at the very end of all dates, in movies or in real life. It’s always awkward.
He gave me a polite hug and left with a really dorky exit.

The night went well, and I like the guy, but I barely know him, and I find it so bizarre that this is how people do it. Or this is how they relatively do it. I mean this date was nice, but if you got a really weird ass dude that can just throw off everything.

My honest advice is to never use tinder as a way to meet people. Because I don’t trust it and most likely 9/10 guys wouldn’t end well.

You’re bedridden and you can’t get up, you’re hot, sweaty, eyes tearing, head pounding and you still have to get up in the morning to make yourself a cup of tea. I basically spent the last two days rolling around in bed because I couldn’t do it myself.

If it wasn’t for my floormates I think I would’ve camped out in my room, with chips and hot water. I got food without leaving my room, warm honey water, and lotion, soft tissues.

Even though I still feel pretty bad, and miss having my mother take care of me, I think this is another milestone that one has to cross as they grow up. Who wants to be under their mother’s/father’s wing, and who really is going to run home the moment they get the sniffles.

My mother called and asked how I was, and mocked me if I wanted to come home, and when I said no, she said good, if you’re gonna be on your own, you have to do it right. (though she did keep texting/calling to see how I was.)
I’m sure it’s much harder on them then it is for me. But at the end of the day, you have to get up and take care of yourself.

For example, waiting for food all day just to have it be placed in front of you, of course you’re going to inhale everything in one bite. Or when you wait in line to go on the roller coaster of the summer, and when you finally get seated in, go up that long and painfully slow ramp, the spur of emotions all happens to quick as you go down in seconds.

It’s just the same with crushes. They come so fast and disappear.

I feel like when you’re really not looking for anything there is no investment. Personally I hate to drown all my emotions into a crush. They are a crush; the worst is when you two barely speak, and you’re living off this fantasy that you two will eventually talk and everything will be like princess fairy tale.

Maybe I’m a pessimist, or after a relationship I don’t want anything but fun. BUT being in a new university surrounded by people I feel like I should get out there and do something. But ugh, the process for all this is too long. Way too long.