Inspiration Thursday

by thecraftaholic

“Hold fast to your dreams, for if dreams die, life is a broken winged bird that cannot fly.” -Langston Hughes

If it’s one thing that having a child makes you realize it’s that it is not enough to have a dream. Anyone can dream. Cats dream. Dogs do too. It’s not enough to dream. What is it then, that separates us from cats and dogs? It is our need to pursue happiness.

It has come to my attention, that the people in my past who hurt me, have been reading my blog. While I’m a 34 year old grown woman with a child, I will not be silenced. I feel now, that it is my right to talk about what happened to me, and tell you more about who I am, and why and how I became the woman I am today.

I have a friend on Facebook named Cristal that talks about her past quite openly. I admire that . I admire the freedom that she has, to share what she went through. And it really influenced me to want to be more open about my past. And for this, I will not be sorry, nor will I be ashamed or silenced. I experienced it, no one else did.

I can honestly say that I’ve forgiven but I will NEVER forget. I will not forget the names I was called, nor will I forget the way I was “punished”.

I tell my daughter I love her all the time. I give her affection and care and love. Always. Not just because she’s a taurus and tauruses need affection, but because….she’s a part of me.

When I gave birth to my daughter, all the crap I went through came back to me. All the memories, and the hurt, and the pain of a parent calling their own child a whore. It all came back to me. And I started thinking, “How could anyone hurt something so beautiful?” A child, a being that came from out of your belly, a being that you fed for 9 months in your body, with your body. I didn’t get it. I became angry. So I started meditating. I started following the teachings of Buddha, in attempts to “shed the ego mind” as he taught so well.

Anyway, my message to you is this: don’t let anyone stop you from pursuing your dreams. Don’t let anyone tell you you aren’t worth it. In many ways, I was told that I wasn’t worth my dreams. Every dream I had was laughed at, or told that it was not going to happen.

It doesn’t matter what other people think. It doesn’t matter what other people say. You follow your dreams because YOU are worth it. YOU are worth so much. It doesn’t matter what others say, in their fits of ignorance and rage. A true leader leads without saying a word.

Your dreams are a part of you, they ARE you. Your dreams are the most amazing part of who you are. Hold fast to your dreams, no matter what situation you are in. Life will get better. You will get past this. I did. My art and my poems are what healed me, and are still healing me to this day. True love is a healing love, not a hurtful one. True spirituality is not something you can describe. Follow your spiritual path, and hold fast to it. Follow your dreams, no matter what anyone tells you. Don’t let anyone stop you from becoming the person you so long to be. YOU are worth your dreams. Truly.

And as far as negative people are concerned, no matter what connection they are to you, if they continue to hurt you, they aren’t worth being in your life. I only have room for the people who are going to uplift me. Growing up in the pentecostal church, the preacher would always say, that we are meant uplift each other spiritually. Remember that. Cut out the things in your life that do not help or uplift you. As Paul in new testament so often said: hold on to the prize.

Do that. Hold on to your dreams no matter what others think, no matter what others say to you. You are worth your dreams. Rise up from the ashes and soot like the Pheonix bird, and become your dreams.

Related

4 Comments to “Inspiration Thursday”

You are breaking that chain of abuse, Bravo to you! When I saw my children I never understood why my parents genuinely hated and resented me and hurt me so much. I would die before I allowed that or did that to my children. I understand your feelings. Maybe they just miss a gene we have, I feel sad for them…they are missing out on so much love, their hearts must be very hollow.

How do you stop it? How do you make yourself feel better about yourself if you all you know is abuse? That is where I am now. I do not know how to stop the feelings. I do not know how to stop feeling inferior or intimidated.

If you don’t mind Diane.
Nancy with me in all honesty I still struggle today and I am 35 and pretty successful and very blessed and successful with my family. I still feel like I am just this much off normal every single day.
I struggle in trusting my instincts because I feel I had no normal center to give me good instincts and reliability in life to begin with.
I have to admit I am so much better now than I used to be, but I still feel ugly, fat and not worthy.
In all honesty it just takes time, it takes you standing up to yourself and saying “I have been beat up enough in my life why the heck am I still beating myself up?” And try to replace those inner thoughts that say negative and even if you feel you are lying to yourself…say the positive.
I had to stop focusing on my faults and start focusing on my positives which were “I am a wonderfully KIND and loving person” The negative was “I am ugly, fat and broken” the positive was “I genuinely care about people, I am STRONG I broke the chain of abuse, I am BEAUTIFUL inside as well as out”.
After a year of practicing that (now 5 years later) I can honestly say I believe it, even though I still catch myself saying the bad alot. It is much better.

*hope you don’t mind my input* I have 22 years of extreme sexual and physical abuse and rape behind me. So I understand your feelings too well.

Funny I just had a creative, hold on to the dream, a you can do it conversation today. The battle isn’t that you (figuratively) don’t hold onto a dream, it is the battle of the alarm clock of naysayers with blinders on that don’t believe in you, but most of all themselves.
Remember this, the enemy of the Best is The Good Enough.
Thank you for the post.