This is for husbands of women frequently referred to as “coupon ladies” or better yet this is for the husbands of women that have just discovered “couponing”. Here are some rules, hints, and suggestions:

1. “Couponers” have their own special communication/language that they use to communicate with each other. You will need to learn this language if you ever plan on having a conversation with your wife again.

A small example of what your wife might say to you: “Honey, I went to Wags and BOGOed shaving cream which was a MM because it produced a RR. And then I went with my GC to Rite Aid and got the items that were FAR which turned into a MM as well. And then because I had some expiring ECBs went and got some of the MM items at CVS too. We really need to get some more ink for the computer so I can print more IPs.”

I would translate that sentence but I got lost at the first BOGO.

2. Real men do indeed shave with pink razors if that is what was free or nearly free in the past few months. You will also find that your shaving cream now smells lightly floral and comes in light pink or green cans.

3. Your favorite foods will become a thing of the past as you learn to eat new and exotic foods. Some you will like. I never knew that ice cream from various manufacturers could taste so different, but I am willing to taste them. Some you won’t like. Kashi – it takes a special man to admit to liking twigs and sticks and this man does not.

4. Your soap now has green netting around the bar of soap so that it doesn’t slip out of your hand while showering or your body wash smells like cucumbers, coconut, melons, etc… I am not fond of the body wash that smells like a Moroccan massage parlor. When you are meeting up with your buds to work on a car you really do not want to smell like a Moroccan massage parlor. But you will learn to smile and hide the pain. Just gently tell her “Honey I think these would be a great item to donate to charity.”

5. You will find stockpiles of items in the least expected places. I went to the coat closet to find my work boots. On the floor instead of my boots were stacks and stacks of toilet paper. Ummm, do we really need to have enough toilet paper for the whole subdivision for the next year? According to my wife the answer is yes. Men, you will learn to respond by saying the following, “Of course dear, you are right.”

6. Your friends and family instead of coming over to watch a football game now come to shop at your home for groceries and green bottles of shampoo and conditioner.

7. You will learn not to disturb your wife on nights when the sales paper comes out. Especially if she has her “coupon binder” and is “matching up sales”. Hint: In the event of a fire – don’t bother grabbing the insurance papers, grab her coupon binder.

8. Do not even think of arranging anything on Sunday’s before or after church as she is busy hitting up the stores with coupons.

9. You will discover that your meek, mild and loving wife turns into a fire breathing creature you never knew existed if a cashier or store manager tells her that the reason she did not get her RR was because she used a coupon or that she can’t use a particular coupon. Pray hard if they accuse her of coupon fraud. If this occurs you will discover her speed dial #s 1-10, well none of them call you. They are reserved for the corporate headquarters of her favorite stores.

10. Never ever ask why she is bringing home 5 more tubes of toothpaste when you already have 100 plus tubes in the guest bedroom closet. Suffice it to say if she brought it home, just tell her what a fabulous shopper she is and how proud you are of her.

11. You will start to recognize other husbands of “coupon ladies”. Look at their lunch. Do they have children’s juice boxes as drinks, packs of starkist tuna (I do believe we have more tuna in the guest bedroom then our local grocery store has on their shelves.), small toothbrushes called Wisps, they smell slightly floral and there is a small handmade coupon good for BOGO kisses and hugs.

There are many more things I could relate to you, but when it is all said and done you will discover she has saved you a lot of money and it seems to make her happy. And when she is happy …. So am I.

My goal in life is to be as good of a person my dog already thinks I am. ~Author Unknown

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