Between her responsibilities as a judge on American Idol and her daily daytime talk show, Ellen DeGeneres is "headed for a total breakdown" and "has cracked under the pressure," say friends.

The National Enquirer reports, via a pal, that DeGeneres is "running herself ragged. We're worried that her health is suffering. You can see the stress building in her. She's not always her bouncy, vibrant self. She's snippy with people, is more easily distracted, and needs a few more minutes of makeup to deal with the bags under her eyes." Ellen is also allegedly struggling to deal with tension with Simon Cowell: "Now she's become his whipping post for anything that's not working on the show." [National Enquirer via Showbiz Spy]

Heather Locklear may get off the hook for allegedly hitting a parking sign at 4 AM in LA on Saturday night. Damage to her BMW is consistent with a piece of plastic found at the crime scene, but that's about it. Hardly SVU material. [TMZ]

Friends and family of Jessica Simpson say that she's been "really depressed," and is drinking too much. This same item also says she's "frumpy" and piling on the pounds, however, so be sure to put some salt on this one. [Showbiz Spy]

Can the magical bond between the original Jersey Shore cast ever be broken? Maybe! Sammi, Ronnie, Jwoww, and Vinny don't yet have contracts for season three, though The Situation and Snooki are already signing on the line. According to a proverbial insider, the contract-less kids may be replaced with "even more outrages characters." SHUDDER. [Page Six]

After failing to show for not one but two depositions in regards to her (allegedly) boozed-up cop-car-chase back (vintage 2007) — apparently she didn't make it because she had to do some shopping, or clubbing, or whatever — prosecutors are seeking to force Lindsay Lohan to sit for the deposition, and they're asking for a default judgment against the actress for failing to appear the past two times. [TMZ]

While we all wait for her to finally show up in court, why not check out photos from Lindsay's family album, featuring her when she was just 5 years old. No word on where these pics come from, but we're sure Michael Lohan had nothing to do with it. [Radar]

If you prefer your Lohan a decade or two older, Facebook photos suggest that she enjoyed herself in the usual fashion at Coachella. [ONTD]

After 7 months in prison on gun charges, T.I. is out and celebrating. He hit NYC club 1Oak with the requisite entourage, invaded the DJ both, and yelled, "I'm king, and I'm back!" [Gatecrasher]

Emails from Survivor producer Bruce Beresford-Redman to his wife — who was murdered during their Cancun vacation — and his mistress reveal that the love-triangle situation was, uh, pretty fucked up. [Radar]

Whitney Houston is in no mood to fly the reopened European skies: she took a ferry from Belfast to south Scotland for the latest leg of her tour. [The Star]

Naomi Campbell will not testify at the war crimes trial of Charles Taylor, a Liberian warlord who allegedly gave the supermodel a massive, uncut "blood diamond" in 1997. This was while the two were staying as overnight guests of Nelson Mandela in South Africa, as was Mia Farrow. Strangeness. [Page Six]

Dr. Sandeep Kapoor, a doctor charged in the Anna Nicole Smith drug case, is asking judges to throw out some of the charges based on lack of evidence. Kapoor is charged with teaming up with Howard K. Stern and another doctor in order to keep ANS pumped full of drugs. [TMZ]

A a close friend of Michael Bryan, the son of Marie Osmond whose death was just ruled a suicide, says that he had previous three suicide attempts by hanging. He also sent the friend texts on the night of his death — one said he was "feeling like shit." [TMZ]

Joe Jackson doesn't want to see his brother Michael's life serve as the inspiration for a new circus show. Tongues bitten. [Contact Music]

Kelly Clarkson's show in Jakarta will no longer be sponsored by a cigarette company. Billboards advertising the concert featured the L.A. Lights cigarette logo, which came to a surprise to Clarkson, who's a non-smoker. [AP]

R-Patz and K-Stew are "tired of playing coy about romance." The source continues, "They believe they're soul mates and want to be together forever." Oh, and, "They're just really happy they've found each other." If this means we'll see Ms. Stewart looking happy about something, we'll take it. [Showbiz Spy]

The day Melissa Etheridge announced her separation from her wife Tammy Lynn Michaels, Etheridge was spotted with her ex-girlfriend Julie Cypher. Radar has the first pictures of the two together in the ten years since they split, if super-innocuous photographs are your thing. [Radar]

FYI, some people find Simon Cowell desirable. Which may or may not have to do with him being filthy rich. [Daily Express]

Lady Gaga is working out with "fitness guru" whenever she can because she wants "the best abs, legs, and arms." Madge, consider yourself warned. [The Sun]

Lawyers for Jon Gosselin have no sympathy for Kate Gosselin's fall from Star-Dancing grace. "'Dancing With the Stars' is just the tip of the iceberg for Kate." Absentee-mom accusations continue apace. [TMZ]

Paulina Porizkova is blogging at Modelinia.com, which gives her the perfect platform to call Heidi Montag a "cheap plastic pool float," slam Madonna one of those "famous women over-fifty-high-cheek-boned-blondes-who-cannot-frown," and note that by getting implants, Kate Hudson has "diminished herself." [Page Six]

A collection agency is focusing its energies on Macy Gray, who stiffed her PR firm on the $43,378.77 bill. [TMZ]

Britney Spears is seeking guidance from British television astrologist Russell Grant. [Contact Music]

Taking her position as Halston's creative director quite seriously, Sarah Jessica Parker was seen carrying a copy of Simply Halston, a biography of the late designer. [Page Six]

Hurt Locker star Anthony Mackie was "surrounded by babes" at a party, but his focus was on playfully flirting with 60-something socialite Ann Dexter-Jones. [Gatecrasher]

Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher continued their cute parade by grabbing a bite at a NYC restaurant at 2:30 am. Demi ordered a burger. [Page Six]

George Clooney has a "cashmere security blanket." Whether or not you take that at face value, there's no shame in the blankey game. [Showbiz Spy]

Tina Fey and Fred Armisen took their respective kids to the park, where everyone noticed Tina but Fred went comparatively under the radar. [Page Six]

Nick Cannon did the charity thing yesterday, participating in the Feed America day of service and packing apples in bags for the needy. [Gatecrasher]

Mary J. Blige, meanwhile, is helping to save the Harlem School of the Arts, keeping it open with a promise of more funding. [NY Daily News]

Keira Knightley is rumored to be the front-runner to star in an adaptation of F. Scott Fitzgerald's Tender Is the Night. Matt Damon is the first choice to play her on-screen husband. He is also the first-choice to play my off-screen husband. [Vulture]

Woody Allen almost didn't cast Carla Bruni in his new movie because she's got, you know, other commitments. As of right now, France's first lady may just provide a cameo. [NY Daily News]

A cameo from the late DJ A.M. remains in the final cut of Iron Man 2, which was a difficult decision for director Jon Favreau. [L.A. Times]

On Ellen, Carrie Underwood said she's not "one of those little girls that always dreamt about getting married. So I have no idea what I'm doing, basically. We pick out food and we know where we're going to be - the big hurdles - but everything else we're easy about. We don't care." [Just Jared]

"I do vitamins. Right now I'm really into coconut oil. We were lousy coke heads." —Tommy Chong, on his current levels of drug use. [Reuters]

"I can't stand that dishevelled look where people spend five hours trying to look like they've just stepped out for a coffee in sweatpants and a T-shirt with hair all over the place." That's Dita Von Teese, and she's looking at you, Every Celebrity In Uggs. [Daily Express]