Thursday, October 23, 2008

The Creature in the Sky.

I'm having an issue that may sound trivial, but it's seriously affecting the love-relationship I have with beans. A few weeks ago, on the spur of the moment, I gave away my vintage crock pot. I had such a firm, tight grip on it, and then in a sudden whim, it was gone. At the time I let it loose, I remember feeling a blinding spark of material liberation, and then in the next moment, I was enveloped in the slow stinking realization of my own constructed doom.

" the creature in the sky. got sucked in a hole. now there's a hole in the sky. and the ground's not cold. and if the ground's not cold. everything is gonna burn."

I didn't even hand it off to someone I knew would appreciate it. Instead I let dazee dump it off with neighbors on the corner, who were having a yard sale. They told him, "No worries, if it's left at the end, we''ll just throw it in the dumpster up the street."

My old crock pot was extra special, and not in the same hipster way as other vintage appliances; this one had a seriously strong work ethic, a removable stoneware bowl for easy clean up, and it was brown in a fugly 70s kinda way. Even though it's sketchy plug left me to sometimes wonder if my house would burn down while I slept or was away, I made a bad decision by giving it away.

Please don't tell me to replace my old crock pot with a pressure cooker, because way back in the day when I lived with two twenty-something boys, a vegetarian Rajasthani and the other a Macrobiotic New Englander, I had one. It was a good one, and I kept it for about 15 years until it died well loved in my arms with it's weighted jiggle top nestled bravely in my bosom . So yea, I know they cook beans fast, and I know you can break chickpea world records with 'em. However, at this point in my life, I don't want quick-quick, and I don't want beans in a thin broth. I desire slowly cooked and bubbled beans thick in a creamy gravy of beany yum. It's probably the only aspect of traditional New Orleans cuisine I can cook and enjoy without using the infinitive "to veganize," and I'm not willing to go back to my old inexperienced or impatient beanie ways.

Last night I put on some small Camellia limas to cook. They soaked for nearly 18 hours in the fridge, were seasoned with browned onion and jalapeno peppers (from the garden), simmered for over three hours, and yes, they were crunchy.

Oh Kittee, I'm sorry about your Crock Pot. I feel your pain. I've done that before so many times with things.

I have never had great luck making beans in the slow cooker, but may have to get some instructions from you. I usually pressure cooker them until tender, and then simmer them on the stove for a bit to get that nice thick gravy.

I understand your grief! Oh, what a moment of madness you must have been in to have done that. By way of condolences, I have some thoughts that might help. (1) I have a vision of another well-loved old crockpot coming into your life by accident. I believe it will be a beautiful olive green and you will be delighted to find that it's plug is in healthy shape. The river of life is going to carry this towards you in some flakey way and the circle of loss will be complete. (2) Until then, may I suggest my TNT method with chickpeas (and other beans of course). I got it from an old Italian cookbook and I swear nothing does the trick with chickpeas better! You soak them over night. When ready to cook, preheat your oven to 350 to 375 (must be a strong 350). Place drained beans in a heavy pot with an oven-proof lid -- I use cast iron. Cover beans with water plus an inch above the beans. Place on stove and bring to boil. Remove from heat and place lid on pot and put pot in the middle of the heated oven. The beans should be cooked in about an hour or so. And, for me, they come out perfectly cooked everytime this way despite the fact that over the years I have had horrible ovens!!!

And, remember, I can see another beloved crockpot coming into your life so all of this is just temporary.

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