Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Screw You, Todd Fields!

Screw you, Todd Fields!

No, this isn’t an angry outburst of self-deprecation. I’m referring to a different
Todd Fields. Yes, there are two of us. And it gets worse…

Yesterday, a friend of mine informed me that when he Googled
me, hoping to find my blog, he only discovered multiple pages for a different Todd Fields. This impostor is
a Christian Rock musician. Usually I wouldn’t mind being confused with a rock
star, but with song titles like “Breathe On Me,” “Jesus Reigns,” and “God Is
Delicious (Featuring Lil’ John)”-- okay, maybe I made that last one up-- I
would rather just keep my name for myself. I’m so embarrassed. It’s like being
named Hitler in the ‘40s, OJ in the ‘90s, Osama in the ‘00s or Snooki in the
‘10s. To make matters worse, he’s white and blonde (frosted tips to be exact).
What if people Google me looking for my blog or just wondering what an old junior
high school crush is doing with his life (hey, it could happen!), and they
stumble across this other Todd’s website, the cleverly named www.toddfields.com, and think that it’s me? That would not be good for my
reputation.

This is NOT Todd Fields!

For those of you who have ever started a blog or a website, you know how
difficult it is to recruit readers and patrons to your page. But then when you
basically take away the benefits of Google searches because someone has the
same name, it becomes all but impossible to advertise to anybody who isn’t on
your Facebook page. And seriously, aren’t there enough people out there pumping
the Bible? There’s not a copy of my blog
in every hotel room in America. Every Sunday, televangelists don’t speak to millions
of people about the benefits of wanting to go snow boarding or date crazy
chicks. How am I supposed to advertise my blog-- or “spread the word of Todd,”
if you will-- when he’s stealing my best chance at publicity?

People don't flock to hear someone read from my blog...
But they should.

This is actually karma, or as Todd would call it, “God’s plan.” A few years
back, when more people than Tom, Tila Tequila, and 20 million sexual predators
were on Myspace, Todd actually sent me a message asking to use my URL, which
was www.myspace.com/toddfields. He wanted me to cancel my account and let him
take it so he could “promote my music and spread God’s teachings.” Wrong
approach, buddy. Since he was looking to advertise his business, I told him he
could purchase the URL from me, but I never heard from him again. Apparently
disciples of organized religion only like it when they ask you for money.

Is this a registry of sex offenders or is it
someone's Myspace friends list page?

And now, years later, the tables have been turned and it is
Todd “Frosted Tips” Fields that has the upper hand. He is the one standing in
the way of my words and the ears and eyes of my audience. It’s a tough reality
for me to face, but there’s really nothing I can do about it. So I finally gave
in and gave some of Todd’s music a chance. I listened to one of his tracks and,
based on the title, expected it to be about him and I. Turns out it’s about his
relationship with another egomaniac, but still I found it’s name perfect for
our situation. The song is called “Nothing Can Separate Us,” and as long as we
share the same name, nothing Todd has sung has ever been closer to the truth.

Does the other Todd Fields also write the most boring blog ever? JK man! I couldn't come up with anything funny to add, so I thought I'd just put you down to make myself seem cooler. Another classic blog!! I think you should do a parody of this guy, but the Athiest version.

I have a cramp from laughing too hard ..The other Todd Fields "frosted tips" came up when I googled you for the first time ..I had to do a double take and said Hell No this can't be Todd this guy looks corny... lol omg this is funny. Your the "Hot" Todd he's the "Not" Todd.