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Pentagon presents new Xbox bundle over Blended Retirement System

WASHINGTON — Service members in all places face an essential determination this 12 months concerning their future retirement. In a shocking announcement, a newly added possibility is gaining traction over the lately applied Blended Retirement System (BRS), sources confirmed at present.

The Troop Retirement Excepted Xbox Bundle, also referred to as the T-REX Pack, has turn into the main selection for greater than 90% of troops, and people numbers haven’t proven any indicators of slowing down, in response to protection officers.

These choosing the T-REX Pack will obtain an Xbox One X console, 4 wi-fi controllers, two video games of their selection, and one Hire-A-Heart coupon granting a 5% low cost on their first rent-to-own tv fee. The retail worth for a comparable gaming bundle totals practically $900, or $40 money if it have been to be pawned in a pinch for some beer cash.

“I’ve rigorously weighed all of the choices,” mentioned Pfc. James Garriott, an Military petroleum provide specialist. “I positively received’t be in for a full twenty, and statistically, I’ll in all probability commit suicide or find yourself in jail earlier than I’m 60. Why not take pleasure in this profit now?”

Central concern services at each army set up are liable for distributing the Xbox bundles, with every department of service having their very own uniquely coloured console. Many speculate these particular version designs may even elevate the resale worth amongst online game collectors.

Nonetheless, there are some who imagine the brand new possibility is simply one other ploy for the DoD to save cash on the expense of the women and men in uniform.

“Uncle Sam pays lower than a thousand now, and will get to save lots of tens, perhaps lots of of 1000’s of later,” mentioned 1st Lt. and self-appointed unit monetary advisor Micah Smith, who has a Scottrade brokerage account and by no means shuts the fuck up about it.

He added, “It’s a poor long-term funding, similar to Tesla inventory.”

Regardless of being pressed for time, Gen. Joseph Dunford, Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Workers, responded to the allegations when requested to go on the file.

“These are huge girls and boys who could be trusted to make their very own selections primarily based on what’s finest for his or her particular person wants,” mentioned Gen. Dunford as he reviewed the brand new Chew Earlier than You Swallow military-wide security marketing campaign that’s scheduled to turn into an annual coaching requirement later this 12 months.

After making his official assertion he requested reporters, “What was that lieutenant’s identify once more?”

Whatever the Pentagon’s true motivations, CIF areas worldwide have already run out of Xbox bundles as a result of unexpectedly excessive demand. Installations have created a first-come, first-serve waitlist, so service members wishing to go for the T-REX Pack are inspired to substantiate their choice as quickly as attainable.