wants

30 September, 2004 - 1:40am — extreme447

Every time I think that my life finally matters, I get depressed again. Im not talking clinically depressed…just normal teenage-type angsty shit. I don’t know why I try. I don’t know why I’m taking three AP classes my junior year. Why I keep my GPA up to get into National Honor Society. Why I bother writing countless papers about events that happened hundreds of years ago. Why I work my ass off to get into Mcgil. What’s it all for? To become a doctor? I don’t even know if that’s what I want. I could be doing this all for naught. But then those feelings subside, and I am full of purpose once again. I don’t know what I want damnit! Fuck. Sometimes I think dying just might be easier. But I know that it is not. I would never kill myself. Well, I won’t say never, but it is highly unlikely. What I want is a girlfriend. Someone I can relate to. Someone I can care about. Someone I could finally talk to about EVERYTHING. I have never had one of those before. Sure, I’ve had a few “boyfriends