cAlvin and the Chipmunks was a popular children’s cartoon that aired on Nickelodeon. Based loosely on the cAlvin Show from 20 years earlier, this cartoon has many cross overs with iCarly, for no apparent reason. Additionally, the title format is similar to that of iCarly, and the show is set at in the 2080’s A.D. in a newt dominated world, like the contemporary seasons of iCarly.

cAlvin, Simon, (later replaced by Chippy) and Theodore, three Protestant chipmunks, try to balance their musical careers with their primary goal of reforming the church along Calvinistic lines, and fighting the squirrel Pope. Their musical careers are managed by a man called Dave Seville, who, although sympathetic to cAlvin’s theological goals, is primarily concerned with the music business.

Truthslayer wanted me to remind you that all Discernmentalists should listen to this record. It brings a tear to my eye back in the days when Doctrines were Pure! Todd Friel got his start on the show playing Dave and is on this record. My favorite episode is:

cAlvin and Theodore become suspicious of Chippy’s theological leanings. cAlvin calmly confronts Chippy about these issues, but Chippy boldly proclaims himself to be an Arminian, and denounces cAlvin, Theodore, and even their rival Marty as fatalists. Despite much pleading, Chippy refuses to accept the reformed position, and is eventually banished from Geneva. Meanwhile, Spencer builds a sculpture unmolested because Chippy is too involved in a heresy trial to steal Spencer’s tools.

You can run but you can’t hide. Our heroes are back. They are watching you. They make mountains out of molehills, misunderstandings out of fear, and rage against what they don’t understand.

Are you a new found ministry, attempting to reach out to youth? You’re done when WATCHBLOG finds you.

Are you a ministry that tends to question common accepted values such as war and rabid capitalism? Your’re done when WATCHBLOG finds you.

Are you a fledgling ministry attempting to feed the poor? You’re done when WATCHBLOG finds that you don’t preach the truth the way they think it should be from the arm chair of their living-room.

Are you a ministry that has not been under the cassette-tape tutelage of of Dr Walter Martin? You’re done when WATCHBLOG finds you.

Are you a successful ministry attempting to preach the word to a large variety of Christians? You’re done when WATCHBLOG attempts to undermine your every move with real (mostly unreal) attempts to destroy everything you have done becausearm-chair discernmentalists have so much more knowledge under their belts and want to tell you about it!

Brannon Howse is promoting a new book by Worldview Weekend speaker Ken Ham, Britt Beemer and Todd Hillard entitled, Already Gone: Why your kids will quit church and what you can do to stop it. This crew went to conservative churches NOT LIBERAL! to poll them as to why their kids are leaving their churches in droves! They also found that these conservative churches need to be reclaimed!! Brannon Howse says: “their book that confirm that the church needs to be reclaimed before we even attempt to reclaim the culture.”

Here are some reasons put forth from the book:

A mass exodus is underway. Most youth of today will not be coming to church tomorrow. Nationwide polls and denominational reports are showing that the next generation is calling it quits on the traditional church. And it’s not just happening on the nominal fringe; it’s happening at the core of the faith.

Only 11 percent of those who have left the Church did so during the college years. Almost 90 percent of them were lost in middle school and high school. By the time they got to college they were already gone! About 40 percent are leaving the Church during elementary and middle school years!

If you look around in your church today, two-thirds of those who are sitting among us have already left in their hearts; it will only take a couple years before their bodies are absent as well.

The numbers indicate that Sunday school actually didn’t do anything to help them develop a Christian worldview…The brutal conclusion is that, on the whole, the Sunday school programs of today are statistical failures.

Part of the concern is that the mere existence of youth ministry and Sunday school allows parents to shrug off their responsibility as the primary teachers, mentors, and pastors to their family.[1]

So Brannon Howse announces the answer that is above all other answers! “The answer to this crisis is Biblical worldview and apologetics training.”

Yes! Finally we have someone in the Church and for the Church who will be our Head and lead us!

Brannon Howes continues with more of the answer!

“I founded Worldview Weekend in 1993 and all our conferences had an admission fee until three years ago. Because the church in America has largely neglected worldview and apologetic training and because the only hope for America is Biblical Christians that will oppose the evil that is washing over our nation, Worldview Weekend has been holding free Worldview Weekend Rallies for the past three years.”

That is what the Church needs today! We need more Worldview Weekend Rallies to save us!

Praise God that Brannon Howse is in the House of God! And soon the Church will be so pure we will not need Jesus anymore!

You are currently browsing the blog archives for the day Friday, October 16th, 2009.

Dude! This is a satire site!

Before you get all bent out of shape, please realize this is a satire site spoofing the so-called "discernment ministries" who deem themselves more worthy of Grace than the rest of us. So read and have fun! BTW, we are not against "good" discernment ministries that do actual real research and extend grace to others, only the bad ones.