Larry King Live

Dana Carvey Lives to Tell About Mistaken Bypass Surgery

THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.

LARRY KING, HOST: Tonight, Dana Carvey's lucky to be alive. He had heart surgery, and they bypassed the wrong artery. He's next on LARRY KING LIVE.

This is a very serious program tonight, and our guest has a lot to say.

In the second portion of the program, we're going to meet one of the famed cardiologists in the world, Dr. P.K. Shah, and get his thoughts on all of this.

But Dana Carvey's the featured guest for the night and...

DANA CARVEY, COMEDIAN: Yes, sir.

KING: ... later, we'll be taking calls for him.

What happened?

CARVEY: Tallahassee!

KING: To -- no.

CARVEY: Sorry.

KING: What happened?

CARVEY: What happened? Where do you want to start?

KING: Start from the beginning. What happened?

CARVEY: The beginning was running. Running. Had a little -- little burning in that chest area.

KING: Didn't know you had...

CARVEY: Can I finish?

KING: OK.

CARVEY: Can I finish? Once. I had to do that once there.

KING: All right. OK. CARVEY: Memory lane. Had the burning, went in, had a test. Said, "We think something funky's going on." All right. Let's rock. Went in. Did an angioplasty. You know what those are?

KING: Do. Sure do.

CARVEY: Cardiologists refer to them as Regises because Regis has had so many. They just say, "We're going to do a Regis on you." So that's what they do.

KING: They look in, and they...

CARVEY: That was a joke, Larry.

KING: ... put the balloon in...

CARVEY: They put the balloon in, and they expand...

KING: ... and they...

CARVEY: There's gunk in there. Expand it. Then they put a little metal cage called a stint (ph), and they...

KING: ... and they send you home.

CARVEY: ... send you home.

KING: Then what?

CARVEY: Then you wait. You start exercising. Then I had another one where...

KING: Pain.

CARVEY: More pain, went back in, did another one. Then I had another one, went back in, and then, finally, they said, "Maybe we should crack you open like some kind of fabulous crap."

KING: I had heart surgery. Letterman's had it. It's now the in thing.

CARVEY: Carson had it. Yeah. Leno's got one planned, doesn't even have a problem. "Yeah, I'll go in, you know, if everybody's doing it. Bill Maher went in. You know, we're all having them, even though"...

KING: Jack Paar had it. Isaac Stern.

CARVEY: Isaac Stern.

KING: But we all used Dr. Wayne Eisen (ph) in New York. He's now become internationally famous.

CARVEY: I don't know. I -- I liked my guy.

KING: OK. And what hap -- what -- what went wrong? CARVEY: What happened? Well, I should explain, when an angioplasty is open and goes back down, it's from scar tissue, not from more gunk from eating, you know, cheese and stuff. So it was I was overhealing my artery.

Just people in Nebraska. "Oh, he had three. That's worse. Larry only had two. He's better than Dana." So -- so I had that, then decided, "We'll just go in. We'll do a simple thing. We'll crack you open."

KING: And how many were they going to bypass? Like...

CARVEY: Just a double. You have to pay more for a triple. All I paid for was a double.

KING: I had a quintuple. It cost...

CARVEY: Oh, lucky you. Four times the fun.

KING: So you go in for the heart surgery.

CARVEY: I go in, crack it open. Sure. Let's rock.

KING: OK. And they bypassed it.

CARVEY: Yes, sir.

KING: Then what?

CARVEY: Well...

KING: You went home. You felt good.

CARVEY: I thought -- I was so happy afterwards. I was like, "Whew-hoo! It's over." High-fiving.

KING: That's good on the morning after. Oh.

CARVEY: Incredible. Yeah, an incredible feeling. High as a kite. Loved it. Loved my scar. Had them do it kind of jagged so it would look like a pirate thing. Turned my wife on. We be making love tonight with me jagged scar.

KING: OK.

CARVEY: That was a joke.

KING: I got it, Dana.

CARVEY: All right. I know you're doing the interview.

KING: So you went home. You...

CARVEY: It's funny in your mind. It's not ha-ha funny.

KING: Dana... CARVEY: Madagascar, you're on with the...

KING: Heart surgery is a serious matter. I know you're trying to be funny.

CARVEY: I know. I know that.

KING: I'm just trying to find out -- what happened to you was tragic.

CARVEY: I'm with you. OK. So I did that. Then I'm hiking, still feel more burning, go, "What the hell is this?" Went to Lake Tahoe, 8,000 feet, hiked nine miles feeling kind of burning, didn't feel right. So I went back, checked it out. Gave me a treadmill, said, "Gee, you flunked." "How could that be? I just had the double bypass." Went to -- this was Marin County. Then went to Cedars- Sinai, and they were doing an angiogram on me to see what was going on.

KING: Dr. Shah?

CARVEY: Dr. Shah. Dr. Eigler (ph). To see what was going on, and they said, "Geez," you know, "you got -- they -- they bypassed the wrong artery. They put it in this little teeny guy down there and missed the big kahuna," the big LAD (ph) down the center. So they went to the little one. That was wild.

KING: How could you -- that's a dentist pulling a wrong tooth, right?

CARVEY: Removing the wrong kidney, that kind of thing, yeah.

KING: How -- how -- what's the explanation?

CARVEY: What's the explanation?

KING: I know you settled this. You had a lawsuit, right?

CARVEY: Yeah. We get to that...

KING: You'll tell us how much money you got and all that kind...

CARVEY: Well, let's just say...

KING: Basically, how could that happen?

CARVEY: Well -- well compensated. How could that happen? You know, only God knows. I mean, really don't know. it's one of those freaky, struck-by-lightning kind of things.

KING: Did they say it ever happened before?

CARVEY: It's known in the annals of bypass surgery usually with elder patients with decrep -- decrepit, tiny arteries that you can hardly find. I think in a guy my age with giant, juicy arteries, kind of -- kind of freakish. Don't know why it happened. It's one of those freaky things.

KING: Did it also mean, Dana, that since they used the mammary gland...

CARVEY: Right. Mammary arteries.

KING: Yeah. You have no -- you couldn't have another bypass surgery.

CARVEY: Well, I could, but they'd probably take some stuff out of my artery -- or stomach or my legs, but...

KING: So...

CARVEY: ... I like those things where they are right now.

KING: ... what did you -- what did you opt to do with this?

CARVEY: What did I opt to do with...

KING: The rumors were you were going to die. Remember...

CARVEY: Really? Were those the rumors?

KING: Papers were saying, "Dana Carvey's seriously ill"...

CARVEY: I thought the rumors were that I -- is that right?

KING: ... "and there was a major mistake in a hospital."

CARVEY: There were rumors that I had a baboon heart. I actually ran into Chris Rock at a party and said, "Chris, they put a baboon heart in me." He says, "Damn! Baboon heart. Damn!" I go, "Chris, I'm just kidding." So rumors fly. I mean, there's rumors you have a rubber left leg. I say, "No, it's -- it's flesh. I touched it." You noticed how I feel -- felt you out in the green room?

KING: Any -- we were all worried about you.

CARVEY: I was worried about me, too.

KING: Good.

CARVEY: Yes.

KING: Why didn't you do -- you couldn't do any more bypass surgery.

CARVEY: No. While they were there and they discovered the wrong artery, they did another Regis. Boop! The fourth one in that area, and now that's been fine for two and a half years.

KING: So your goal now is to run this through, take your medication, watch what you eat...

CARVEY: Well, yeah, I'm just sort of ground zero. I'm like where everyone else is in a sense, that the -- the process -- now I'll get a little technical. I know a lot about this. The process of the disease -- if it's -- as -- in terms of the blood chemistry, as far as we know, has been arrested because my cholesterol really was 400. Now it's like 150.

KING: Do you take Lipitor?

CARVEY: Lipitor. Yeah. That's good.

KING: You watch what you eat. You exercise.

CARVEY: Yes. Running -- running 10 miles.

KING: Do you get the fear of the burning again? Do you ever have that?

CARVEY: Fear? No, not lately.

KING: No?

CARVEY: It's been like two years. Kind of like, you know, whatever. I can rock again. If they want to crack me open like some kind of fabulous crap again, they can do that.

KING: Are you back full time working now?

CARVEY: Full time working, making a movie...

KING: So everything is...

CARVEY: I was on the millionaire show as -- you remember that. Dana Carvey. Did you see him on -- you didn't see him?

KING: I didn't see you on that.

CARVEY: You're going completely blank.

KING: No, I knew you were on.

CARVEY: Your eyes were just...

KING: How did you do?

CARVEY: I won $32,000.

KING: That's all?

CARVEY: You want to know what I lost on?

KING: Yeah.

CARVEY: In the movie "Shakespeare in Love," what was the name of the theater where "Romeo and Juliet" debuted? The Curtain, The Globe, The Rose, The Strand. Shhh, studio audience.

KING: The Globe. CARVEY: That's what I thought, and I polled the audience. Fifty-eight percent Globe. Two women in the audience going, "It's The Globe. We know. It's The Globe." Do you know what it was?

KING: What?

CARVEY: The Curtain.

KING: That was the name of the theater?

CARVEY: And -- and guess what the punch line is? Ran into Gwyneth Paltrow, won the Academy Award for that movie, asked her the question. She says, "Wasn't it The Rose?" She didn't even know.

KING: Yet for a million dollars, what -- what president appeared on "Laugh-In"? Come on. Who are you kidding?

CARVEY: Well, they...

KING: That was a joke.

CARVEY: It's like Dennis Miller said. "Carvey, they needed you out of the chair. They needed ratings. Don't think any further."

KING: Well, how did you...

CARVEY: First in 10. The Redskins.

KING: I'm going to have you do Dennis on...

CARVEY: Hi, Dennis.

KING: I'm going to have you do Dennis on "Monday Night Football" tonight...

CARVEY: I love it. That's going to be great.

KING: ... because I can tell -- I can tell nothing serious is going to occur tonight. I'm into...

CARVEY: Well, I will talk about the science.

KING: Hold it. Wait a minute.

CARVEY: Yes, sir.

KING: We're going to bring on a famed cardiologist now to try to...

CARVEY: Yes.

KING: ... explain...

CARVEY: What happened.

KING: ... what we've just heard. Dr. P.K. Shah will join us and spend a segment discussing this. Then the rest of the way with Dana and your phone calls.

PHILBIN: Oh, feeling pretty cocky, but, last night, you weren't so cocky, were you? You were scared.

CARVEY: Well, I was a little scared, but I don't believe in lifelines. Don't need them. Ha-ha.

I'm going to say The Globe.

PHILBIN: Final answer?

CARVEY: Final answer.

PHILBIN: Final answer? Oh, no. It was The Curtain.

CARVEY: Wow! Oh, my God!

PHILBIN: The Curtain. Boy, I thought it was The Globe, too.

CARVEY: Me, too.

PHILBIN: Oh, my gosh. But how about a nice hand? Dana Carvey, $32,000. Take care.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

KING: We're back with Dana Carvey, the famed comedian who has settled his multimillion-dollar suit against the surgeon who bypotched -- botched the bypass operation.

We're now joined by Dr. P.K. Shah, director of the division of cardiology at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center. He's one of the famed cardiologists in the world. He's not a surgeon. He's a cardiologist. He's also doing research involving mutant genes that could change the treatment and prevention of clogged arteries. We'll ask him about the genome, too.

SHAH: Bad luck, bad karma, because this is a very unusual complication of cardiac surgery.

KING: Could it have happened at Cedars?

SHAH: It's possible but not very likely. I think it's an honest human error that is reported in the medical literature at a certain frequency. It's tragic that it occurred in Dana's case, but thank God he's doing very well.

KING: Why is he doing very well if the instance that they were going to correct they didn't correct?

SHAH: Because, following that, he underwent another procedure at Cedars where the blocked artery that had not been bypassed was actually opened up with angioplasty and a stint was put in and, luckily for him, even though the three previous angioplasties had failed, this one worked, and it's been two and a half years, and the chances of it staying open are excellent.

KING: So he had bad luck and then good luck.

SHAH: Bad luck followed by good luck.

KING: If that angioplasty hadn't worked, might he not have been here tonight?

SHAH: That's possible because the artery was pretty close to being hundred percent closed, and it was a very hardened artery.

CARVEY: But it's that 1 -- well, that 1 percent was just flowing, though. I was a 99er.

KING: When you did the examination that showed -- after his heart -- and you saw that they -- I mean, that must have been funny to -- not funny but kind of weird.

SHAH: Well, it's actually funny that -- then he called me on the phone from Marin County. I was en route to Vienna. I'm in my car with a cellphone talking to him. He says, "I'm having the same symptoms again." My reaction was that something went wrong with the surgery, and I said, "Dana" -- I said, "Something went wrong with bypass surgery. You better fly down to Los Angeles, and we'll take a look." And we took a look, and something had gone wrong.

KING: Why didn't you do it all here then anyway, not to put down... CARVEY: Well, because I'm living up in Northern California, and L.A. -- and it was easier because I have my kids in school up there. So -- you know, they've got good hospitals up there.

KING: This is everyday surgery, right? I mean, I've had it. I mean, millions of people -- this is like...

SHAH: Yeah. Bypass surgery is the most common form of heart surgery done in this country.

KING: Will he live his life expectancy now as -- the same as anybody else's?

SHAH: If he keeps making good jokes and takes care of himself, I think he's going to be fine. His prognosis is really excellent. He has taken very good care of himself, gotten his cholesterol down. He's exercising. He's following the proper dietary advice.

CARVEY: And no baboon heart.

KING: How did you...

SHAH: And no baboon.

CARVEY: No baboon heart.

KING: How did you feel when he told you they bypassed the wrong artery?

CARVEY: Well, it was technically his associate, Dr. Eigler.

KING: How did he tell you?

CARVEY: How did I feel?

KING: Yeah. How did...

CARVEY: I was just stunned.

KING: How does he tell you something like that?

CARVEY: I don't remember. Well, I'm on the table and, you know, you're a little drugged up when you're having an angio -- or a Regis. So I was a little drugged up, and it's just sort of surreal, you know. It was just like, "They by" -- "Oh, OK. Cool. Whatever. I love it, man." I just could not access it. It was too wild, you know. So I just -- you just go numb. You're just like, "Whoa."

KING: A couple other things I want to ask of you before you leave us. Where are we going with this genome?

SHAH: It's a phenomenal development in human history, in science, and it will have far-reaching implications in the way we practice medicine in the next 20 to 30 years.

KING: You've been on the forefront of this, right? SHAH: Well...

KING: You've been working on this for years.

SHAH: We have -- one of the research projects that we're doing is to try and exploit the benefits of the occurring mutant gene to see if we can prevent blockage in the arteries in animals and eventually in humans.

KING: Where we'll inject a gene into someone?

SHAH: Well, it's either the gene itself or the product of the gene, which is protein. Either...

KING: Which will stop blockage.

SHAH: Which is expected to stop blockage or actually reverse it, in some instances.

KING: How far away?

SHAH: Within about a year's time, we might be starting human clinical trials.

KING: I'll do it.

CARVEY: Will you do it?

KING: You will. I'll go with you.

CARVEY: I'll do it if you'll do it.

KING: I'll go to him, yeah.

CARVEY: I'll go to him in a second if you'll go.

KING: I'll go.

CARVEY: You'll go. We're in.

KING: Do you imitate him yet?

CARVEY: Oh, well. Should I do it now?

KING: Go ahead.

SHAH: Go ahead.

CARVEY: Well, P.K. has a -- you know, he has bedside manner that's very reassuring, so he tends to call me young man even though we're about the same age. So P.K. will always say, "How are you, young man?" You know, he's like six months older than me. "Hello, my little friend. Come here, my son. Come on Daddy's lap, my boy."

And, also, P.K. has a way of reassuring you, so he described what a bypass was, and he -- it was so charming, I wanted to have one right then. "It's a very common procedure. You go in. We attach -- it's not a problem. In fact, I'm doing right now over here. Not really a problem." So there.

KING: It's an honor knowing you.

SHAH: Pleasure.

KING: My cardiac foundation is indebted to you.

SHAH: Thank you very much, sir.

KING: All right.

CARVEY: All right. Thanks, P.K.

KING: All right. Sit for a second as we go to break.

We'll go to break, and then we'll come back with Mr. Carvey and more about the life and times of Dana Carvey and the man who saved him.

Don't go away.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP, "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE")

CARVEY: Joy and I went to the Waldorf...

JAN HOOKS, COMEDIENNE: Yes.

CARVEY: ... for the gala ball.

HOOKS: Ooh.

CARVEY: My wife...

HOOKS: Classy!

CARVEY: ... had me put the tux on with the shoes and the cumberbund. I don't mind saying I looked great!

LOVITZ: Well, yeah. When I heard they made the mistake, yeah, it was really scary, you know. It was very frightening. But I -- I didn't realize that I actually had it -- had a big part in saving his life.

KING: How?

CARVEY: How?

LOVITZ: Well, because he just said he met P.K. Shah from Dr. Wothhaler, and he met Dr. Wothhaler through my father...

CARVEY: That's true.

LOVITZ: ... who's a doctor. So, basically, I saved his life.

KING: So have you thanked him?

CARVEY: Thank you. You know how I thanked him, was I insisted Jon have a CT scan, a calcium scan, and he came up clean as a whistle.

KING: He's healthy?

CARVEY: He's totally healthy. Yeah, his arteries are wide open.

LOVITZ: Yeah. My dad had heart problems, and...

CARVEY: Yeah. KING: So why don't you take better care of yourself, Jon?

LOVITZ: What?

KING: Why don't you take better care of yourself?

LOVITZ: Be -- well, be -- I don't need to.

CARVEY: He's trying. He doesn't need to. He's trying.

LOVITZ: I have a question for Dana, though.

CARVEY: Sure.

KING: That's why we took the call. Go ahead, Mr. Lovitz.

LOVITZ: Well, what -- what do they call those -- stints in your heart?

CARVEY: Stint. Little metal cages that spring open to keep the artery open.

LOVITZ: Yeah.

CARVEY: Yes.

LOVITZ: So now do you have -- my question is twofold. One is do you have to avoid magnets. And...

CARVEY: Yes.

LOVITZ: Because it would move them around.

CARVEY: Yes.

LOVITZ: And then the other question is how is this operation -- I know everyone wants to know. How has it affected your sex life with the whole blood flow?

CARVEY: Oh, he was...

LOVITZ: Would you say it's better or worse?

CARVEY: His whole thing was the wrong artery, where did it go to, and Jon -- Jon's theory is it went to a different place. Right, Jon? Is that where you're going with this?

LOVITZ: Well, Dana's a great -- a great friend, a great guy, and I'm glad he's alive, and he looks just -- I know he'd want to know that I'm watching him on TV right now, and he looks exactly the same as he did 15 years ago.

CARVEY: Jon, do you want to hear my impression of how I was crying when I found out they bypassed the wrong artery?

LOVITZ: Yes.

CARVEY: What did you think?

KING: Thank you, Jon.

LOVITZ: Sure. Thank you. Bye.

CARVEY: Bye, Jon! Jon, call me later.

LOVITZ: All right.

KING: OK.

CARVEY: Don't get sexy and stay away.

KING: We'll be back with more on this very serious approach to heart disease in America with Dana Carvey right after this.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP, "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE")

CARVEY: You've got to work on this. Now come on. Stay with me.

WILL FERRELL, COMEDIAN: OK.

CARVEY: Stay frosty. Stay cool.

FERRELL: Here's -- here's the crap they're always asking me. Should we use the budget surplus to pay off the national debt?

CARVEY: Maybe.

FERRELL: Is Microsoft a monopoly?

CARVEY: Possibly. Could be. Kinda.

FERRELL: How about the environment?

CARVEY: Good.

FERRELL: Good?

CARVEY: Just good.

FERRELL: What about Social Security?

CARVEY: Should be very social and very secure. Slip sliding. Slip sliding.

FERRELL: Slip sliding.

CARVEY: That's what I'm doing. Slip sliding.

FERRELL: Dad, you are awesome.

CARVEY: That's right.

FERRELL: Yeah.

CARVEY: Now you try, Governor Bush. Should we send the Gonzalez boy back to Cuba?

FERRELL: I don't give a rat's ass.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

KING: We're back on LARRY KING LIVE with Dana Carvey, the healthy Dana Carvey, the restored to life Dana Carvey, the new Dana Carvey.

A musical interlude! Dana, what is this you're going to do for us? CARVEY: This is a song about -- about my whole episode with the whole artery thing.

KING: All right, go!

CARVEY (singing): Went to the doctor, found out I had a block, a blockin', blockin' artery. They gave me angioplasty, didn't know how, how long it woulda last me. But I had three, I had three angioplasties. I had three, I had three angioplasties. They said I need by-pass. Take good care. Oh, fix it all, but make it last. He by-passed, he by-passed wrong artery. He by-passed, he by-passed wronger artery. I found myself in court. The doctor stayed with his faulty surgical report. I won a lot of cash, gave it to a charity. Larry King is the king, oh, yeah! I felt (INAUDIBLE) Larry King is the king. Forget Oprah, Geraldo, Sally Jessy Raphael. Larry King is the king, yeah!

KING: Oh! That's it!

CARVEY: I don't really have an ending.

KING: It has no ending.

CARVEY: Well, that's just insane...

KING: The story of your -- the story of your -- of your problem.

CARVEY: My problem. But it was two years ago, and I don't have freakish anatomy, and I don't have a baboon heart and...

KING: And you are completely healthy, and you have settled this, and you gave the money to charity.

CARVEY: Gave the money to charity, had a good lawyer, almost was going to get Johnnie Cochran to handle the case, but couldn't get ahold of him.

KING: How would Johnnie have handled this?

CARVEY: "It's outrage!"

(LAUGHTER)

CARVEY: "It's outrage! Talk about wrong artery. It's outrage! If he put it in the wrong vein, the doctor must explain!"

(LAUGHTER)

CARVEY: I made Larry King laugh! I made Larry King laugh!

KING: I've been laughing the whole show!

CARVEY: But I want you just helpless!

KING: You're one of the funniest people alive.

CARVEY: Will you put it in your column?

KING: OK.

CARVEY: "Funniest guy alive"...

KING: Dennis Miller...

CARVEY: Dennis Miller.

KING: ... is going on "Monday Night Football."

CARVEY: "Third and long. I haven't seen an end run like that since Vinnie Lopni played Carnegie Hall. What am I, Steve Leeko, here?" Can't follow Dennis's references. You know, "What am I, Billy Fluknik?" He's going to go back to the '30s! "He's the best wide receiver since Dan Koopnik." You know, it's going to be -- no, Dennis is going to be brilliant. He's going to -- that is so great he's doing that.

KING: Have you -- did you start as a...

CARVEY: That's Dennis -- Dennis as a coffeemaker.

KING: Did you start as an imitator? Do you -- what -- when you -- when you were...

CARVEY: Kind of, yeah.

KING: When you were young...

CARVEY: I was just goofy. Yeah, I used to do improv on the piano, and my sister would give me her allowance. Hi, Laurie (ph). Hi, Mom and Dad.

KING: Your act...

CARVEY: To entertain her.

KING: Your act was?

CARVEY: Imitations, and then characters, and that sort of attitude. My first impression -- the Beatles came on in '64, Ed Sullivan. The next day, 9 years old, walked up my mom and said, "Hello, Mum. Do you think I could get me some pancakes?" She thought it was weird. "Make him stop! Make him stop!" "That's right. How you doing, Larry? We're pressin' your buttons. I like your suspenders. I had some suspenders like that, but my mum got a job."

(LAUGHTER)

CARVEY: I'm using every joke I can! "Can I finish one time? One time!" He should have been a blues singer. "Can I get a room shot here right now?"

KING: You know...

CARVEY: "One time!"

KING: He and I have done...

CARVEY: "One time!"

KING: He and I have done Perot so much...

CARVEY: "Jibber-jabber!" Oh, so many times.

KING: ... so many times. And the best was that time when the clip -- when you kept saying he's running, he's not running.

CARVEY: Right.

KING: And also on "Saturday Night Live," when they did me and you, and he kept calling in to say, "I'm running. I'm not running."

CARVEY: "I'm running. I'm not -- whatever the volunteers want me to do, I'll do. Larry, please. It's up to the volunteers. Can I finish one time?"

I loved his metaphors, you know, when they're like, you know, "We got to clean out the barn. Let me put it to you this way, Larry. You can't put a porkypine in a barn -- listen real carefully -- put a porkypine in a barn, light it on fire and expect to make licorice." What? What the hell? Larry, these are the jokes! What are you going...

KING: I'm laughing!

Ellijay, Georgia.

CARVEY: I want you helpless.

KING: Hello?

CALLER: Oh, Dana, great show! Dana, who is your favorite politician to imitate? And do you think more Hollywood actors ought to be involved in politics?

KING: Did you hear the question?

CARVEY: What was the question?

KING: Your favorite politician to imitate, and should Hollywood actors be involved in politics?

CARVEY: ... global economics than, like, Christina Aguilera, Britney Spears. These are the people who should be leading our nation. Of course not, you freak! No. Sorry! I didn't mean it! Hi, Tallahassee? Madagascar, you're on! The third moon of Jupiter, you're on with Dana Carvey! Fiji Islands...

CARVEY: "Bob Dole! Bob Dole (INAUDIBLE) That's right! Bob Dole for Viagra! Wanted to be president of the United States. Now I'm talking about limp willies. But still good."

(LAUGHTER)

KING: We'll be back with more of the very healthy Dana Carvey on our heart abuse show. Heart abuse?

CARVEY: Heart abuse? "Can I finish one time? Larry, throw to a commercial, please. Just look in the camera."

KING: You throw to it.

CARVEY: "Throw to commercial. We'll be right back with more of this nonsense. Let's put it this way. Doesn't have a baboon heart. Arteries are clear. You understand where I'm going with that? You understand?"

"I heard he had a marsupial's spleen."

"Lady, please. Can I finish one time?"

KING: We'll be right back.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP, "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE")

CARVEY: Sit down, my kitten. UNIDENTIFIED ACTOR: Yes.

CARVEY: Ja. Make yourself comfortable.

UNIDENTIFIED ACTOR: Yeah.

CARVEY: All right. I am Hans.

UNIDENTIFIED ACTOR: Und I am Franz.

BOTH: And we just want to take you out.

CARVEY: The girly man can leave the room. This is between us and the lady.

UNIDENTIFIED ACTOR: Ja. Now relax and get comfortable. It's just you and Hans and Franz now.

HARTMAN: Church Lady, I'm not going to (INAUDIBLE) I let my church down, and I let my family down!

CARVEY: And then we let something else down, like our trousers.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

KING: Dana Carvey is with us.

You do McCain. You do Senator John...

CARVEY: Well...

KING: By the way, Dana's going to be with us during the conventions. We're going to have you on as...

CARVEY: Yes.

KING: We'll have a great time. All right. You do John McCain?

CARVEY: Well, I mean, like, I distill. I distilled him down. To me, he sounded a bit like Carol Channing. "My friends, my friends, I have a lot of teeth in my mouth, my friends. And I'd like to be president, but in all honesty, I'd rather bite ya!"

KING: That's right. You know, you got him down!

CARVEY: It was just -- Carol Channing. You know -- you know, I don't worry about being accurate. I just -- I just abstract.

CARVEY: Bill Bradley? "You know, I think our economy" -- (INAUDIBLE) was this -- the ball ain't coming. The Knicks is over. He was always talking -- did you notice?

KING: Your ball ain't coming?

CARVEY: The ball ain't coming, Bill! But he had that pelican (ph) thing that was -- you know. You know, he had kind of a double- chin.

KING: Yeah.

CARVEY: And which, you know, he's very fit, but he just -- you know, I always felt like I wanted to go up and just kind of go "Bing!" and watch it vibrate. Kinda mean. I hope he's not watching.

KING: Sandy Hook...

CARVEY: I've got one, too.

KING: Sandy Hook, Virginia, with Dana...

CARVEY: Sandy Hook, Virginia?

KING: Yeah.

CARVEY: I honeymooned there! No, go ahead.

KING: Hello?

CARVEY: Hey, Sandy. How's your hook?

CALLER: Hi, Dana. My question for you is, did you have any history of heart disease in your family?

KING: Good question. CARVEY: Artery disease.

KING: What does that mean?

CARVEY: Well, that's what we had. I mean, my heart's perfect. I have the heart -- you know, Larry has the heart of a 20-year-old. I have the heart of a 16-and-a-half-year-old.

KING: That's right. In other words, our...

CARVEY: And I got the sex drive of a 16-and-a-half-year-old.

KING: Teeth are all right. The gums got to come out.

CARVEY: Gums are fine.

KING: That's right. We have artery disease.

CARVEY: Right, not heart disease.

KING: We don't have heart disease.

CARVEY: That's -- is that a misnomer or...

KING: Correct.

CARVEY: ... or a parable? I'm not...

(CROSSTALK)

KING: And it isn't open-heart surgery, it's open-chest surgery.

CARVEY: Open-chest surgery, right.

KING: Correct.

CARVEY: My mom had the exact same blockage in the same artery.

KING: Really?

CARVEY: Yeah.

KING: And how did she treat it?

CARVEY: She had a by-pass, no problem. Rocked on.

KING: Yeah?

CARVEY: It was cool. And so...

KING: They by-passed the correct artery, then.

CARVEY: Yeah, she had a good one.

(LAUGHTER)

KING: One out of two ain't bad!

CARVEY: One out of two! Come on! And you're good. That's two out of three because I consider you part of the family now.

KING: Oh, Dana, thank you!

CARVEY: I think I love you. My buttocks are tingling. (singing) Sometimes when we touch, the (INAUDIBLE) too much.

No, I don't know where I'm going. You got a question?

KING: Capistrano Beach, California, hello.

CARVEY: Capistrano Beach!

CALLER: Hi, Dana.

CARVEY: Hi!

CALLER: How stressful was it to be a comedian on "Saturday Night Live"?

CARVEY: How stressful?

KING: Stressful, yeah. Every "Saturday Night Live"...

CARVEY: Blocking-artery stressful! It was pretty intense, yeah, because it's live TV. It's, like, 20 million people. "Three, two, one -- be funny." So it was pretty intense, especially, like, the first two years. But then I kind of got relaxed with it. But it's pretty intense, yeah.

KING: Did you have, as a talent, especially when you got more into it, input? Could you say, "I'm not happy with this. I don't want to do it this way"?

CARVEY: Well, you could write your sketches. I mean, I was writing...

KING: Oh, you -- oh, yeah?

CARVEY: Oh, yeah. I mean, I was writing all the time. I was writing with some great people -- Robert Smigel, Bonnie Terry (ph), Jim Downey (ph), Jack Handy, Al Franken.

KING: How'd it come up...

CARVEY: But you're writing with them, and so I think that's...

KING: How'd you come up with the Church Lady?

CARVEY: ... important. "Well!" It was sort of a composite. It was sort of like grade school. What paper are you not using here?

KING: Yeah. CARVEY: "Well!" This was grade school, right? "Well, de-well, Mr. Larry King. Well, we made a sailboat, but we didn't quite make it as good as mine, did we. No, we sorta squished it, didn't we. Mine's just a little bit superior to yours."

That was those teachers in grade school, that condescending -- and the Carvey family, we were Lutherans, which is sorta like Catholic lite, you know? And we would go to church, and then we'd miss two Sundays. And then we'd walk into church, and all the church ladies would crane their necks and go, "Well, apparently some of us come to church when it's convenient." And we're kinda, like, "Lighten up. We had a barbecue. It was a good one, too." So that's kind of where that character came from.

"Thanks for playing. What have we got for? Anyway, you could have won a million dollars, but you have $100, enough for a hot dog and cab fare, so good luck. Of course, we all remember the Donner Party resorted to cannibalism." You know, it gets kind of dark when he sums up the -- "We all know the Manusa (ph) virus generally spreads to the groin area. But anyway, we wish him the best here (INAUDIBLE) I'm here with Regis" -- Larry King...

KING: What do you think of "Survivor" and all these shows?

CARVEY: Don't ever survive it. No, I think it's great.

KING: You like reality...

CARVEY: Whatever gets you through the night. No, I watch you a lot, actually, and I'm not even kissing your you-know-what.

KING: I know.

CARVEY: I do. I watch cable. I watch History Channel and I watch A&E. But whatever is -- you know.

KING: You're a learned person. You live in Marin County. You live in the...

CARVEY: Why don't you just invite the pedophiles over for dinner? Come on down! There's a fire sale! Way to go, King! "Can I finish one"...

KING: It's one county.

CARVEY: Big county! That's easy for you to say! Where do you live? What's your address?

KING: No, I'm not going to tell you the address, but I can tell you I'm in southern California. You're in Marin County.

CARVEY: All right.

KING: I'm in Los Angeles County.

CARVEY: How about -- can't I be in northern California? KING: Oh, I see. I just -- I'm too specific.

CARVEY: No, it's a great place. I'm up there, and I'm also down here in LA. I'm everywhere.

CARVEY: You just -- you just meditate, and you just get real spiritual. I usually tear up. Sounds like Katharine Hepburn, doesn't it? Katharine Hepburn trying to start her car -- "Must have flooded it!" I love making Larry laugh. I don't know what it is.

KING: As you can tell, he's still very ill from heart disease! And next week, he'll be on on neurology.

(LAUGHTER)

KING: We'll be right back. Don't go away.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP. "WAYNE'S WORLD")

CARVEY: What are you thinking about?

MIKE MYERS, ACTOR: Cassandra. She's a fox. In France, she would be called La Renarde, and she would be hunted, with only her cunning to protect her.

CARVEY: She's a babe.

MYERS: She's a robo-babe! In Latin, she would be called Babia Majora.

CARVEY: If she were a president, she'd be Babraham Lincoln. Did you ever find Bugs Bunny attractive when he'd put on a dress and play a girl bunny?

MYERS: No. (END VIDEO CLIP)

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

KING: We're back.

By the way, another famous person...

CARVEY: Yes, of course.

KING: Arnold Schwarzenegger.

CARVEY: Arnold! I love his attitude. I mean, you just want to be like Arnold, don't you, because literally, he was, like, asked, you know, "What did this change you? Did this do any" -- "No, you know, you just have this -- either you go on -- it's not a problem. You know, you get on with your life. You know, you do whatever you want to do. You don't (INAUDIBLE) You know, the -- everybody get down!"

He always says that at one in every movie, "Everybody get down!"

KING: Sounds like Wolfgang Puck, too.

(LAUGHTER)

CARVEY: "You want the pizza? No? Then you better get down!" No, he was...

KING: Van Buren, Arkansas. Hello.

CARVEY: Van Buren, Arkansas!

CALLER: Hi, Dana. I just...

CARVEY: Alpha Centauri, you're on. Let me get my thing up here.

KING: Go ahead.

CARVEY: Go ahead.

CALLER: I just wanted to tell you that you're my favorite "Saturday Night Live" cast member. And just to see if you have any plans to work with any of the cast members, especially Mike Myers. Y'all were really great together.

CARVEY: I don't know.

KING: You going to work with Mike again?

CARVEY: If he wants to. You know where to call me.

KING: Have you been invited to an Austin Powers filming, perhaps? I mean, to be in the film.

CARVEY: No, I haven't. But you know, it's that thing of, like, you know, you do what you do, and he does what he does, and it's all...

KING: Are you no longer friends? Is that what you're saying?

CARVEY: No, no! We're friends.

KING: Oh.

CARVEY: He's been very busy. I had a blocked artery, you know? So I was taking care of that.

KING: You keep bringing that up, though. You do like sympathy.

CARVEY: Oh, I love it! And the baboon heart, especially. Well, the rumors are the thing. People just...

(CROSSTALK)

CARVEY: That's why I'm here.

KING: There were a lot of rumors that you were...

CARVEY: "Hey, Mr. Carvey, I -- you had 12 operations!" "Where'd you hear that?" "Nowhere, but I tell everyone I see." "Did you read it or" -- "No, I never ask questions. I heard it, and I tell everybody I see!"

KING: Also the tabloids had you in grave danger, too.

CARVEY: I never read the tabloids.

KING: I know.

CARVEY: See?

KING: They had you in grave danger.

CARVEY: Tabloid, from the Latin...

KING: Tabloid...

CARVEY: ... tablodius, which means "Drop your shorts. We don't have much time." These are the jokes.

KING: Spring Hill, Florida. Hello.

(CROSSTALK)

CALLER: Hey, how are you? Hey, Dana. I was wondering if you're a baseball fan, and what do you think of John Rocker situation? And can you do an impression of him?

CARVEY: A John Rocker question! Ain't it cool? I don't know. What did he say, exactly?

KING: Oh, he said terrible things.

CARVEY: Just a horrible racial...

KING: Yeah.

CARVEY: Yeah. I don't know. He should just -- he should sit down with a good sort of -- he should go on Oprah for, like, a year every day. And just, like, spiritualize him to death. "We're back with John Rocker again. He'll be here for six more months." He needs therapy. Who would be good to have him -- you know, he should be with Arnold. "You know, people are the same all over the world. You know, you can't go about saying things like this. You'll throw your little ball and shut your mouth. You know, this is what you're doing. This is your mouth. This is what I want you to do. Any questions? It's really very simple. Don't do this. You do this and do this. But don't do this."

I -- you know, it's -- I don't know. The world's crazy.

KING: We'll be back with our remaining moments...

CARVEY: We're getting into the 30-second segments!

KING: ... with Dana Carvey.

CARVEY: When do I tell my life story? Can I say hello to Harris Goldberg's (ph) dad? What's his name? Irwin Goldberg (ph). Hi.

KING: Why are you...

CARVEY: From Tallahassee, Florida. Just hi to your friends. You go on TV, they go, "Could you just" -- you know...

KING: OK, you get -- I allowed it.

CARVEY: Billy Carvey, Bud Carvey...

KING: OK.

CARVEY: ... John Shroyer (ph).

KING: We'll be back with our remaining moments with -- which one do you want to -- Dana Carvey. I almost said Darva...

CARVEY: Katmandu, you're on with Dana Carvey!

KING: We'll be back with Darva Conger right after this.

CARVEY: That was a riveting show.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP, "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE")

CARVEY: We got to get ready to debate Al Gore. Polls say you're neck and neck.

UNIDENTIFIED ACTOR: What a joke. He's a wimp.

CARVEY: People said that about me once, George W. UNIDENTIFIED ACTOR: What? That's insane!

CARVEY: Exactly. Don't underestimate Gore. He's crafty! Goes this way, then that way! Look what he did to Bradley in the debates, took him out to the political woodshed and beat him within an inch of that big old double chin.

UNIDENTIFIED ACTOR: Don't worry, Dad. Don't worry, Dad. I'm a reformer with results. I'm a compassionate conservative. I'm a uniter, not a divider. I'm a uniter, not a divider! I'm a uniter, not a divider!

CARVEY: Snap out of it!

(END VIDEO CLIP)

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

KING: Let's get in one more call for Dana.

Montreal, Quebec, hello.

CALLER: Hey! I know...

(CROSSTALK)

CALLER: ... speak quickly.

CARVEY: You can speak French. I speak French.

CALLER: Bonjours.

CARVEY: Bonjours (INAUDIBLE)

CALLER: OK, they're going to cut me off. I want to ask the question.

KING: What's the question?

CARVEY: They're not going to cut you off.

CALLER: Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think you were at the 25th anniversary this year of "Saturday Night Live," were you.

CARVEY: No.

CALLER: Now, why? Did that have something to do with your illness?

CARVEY: No, with the legality of it because I knew there'd be reporters everywhere, and I was still in mid-litigation with the -- with the surgeon.

KING: Speaking of that...

CARVEY: Yes. KING: ... you ducked me one morning, you just told me.

CARVEY: Yes, actually.

KING: What happened?

CARVEY: Well, I was -- right as I found out that I'd flunked the treadmill and I came down to LA, I was at the Beverly Regent Hotel. And at 6:00 AM, I was getting in the car to go to the hospital, and I was just down there, and then you show up! We're alone in a gigantic lobby, but I didn't want to talk to you because I knew you'd ask me all these questions, and I didn't know the whole answer yet. So I was hiding from you for, like, 20 minutes.

KING: You hid...

CARVEY: You would come out, you'd walk around. I'd be crouching. Yeah, you sat down once. I was right under your chair. I shadowed you. You were in the shower afterwards in the locker room. I was right behind you.

KING: I coulda had a story!

CARVEY: "I coulda had a story!"

KING: I could have been a...

CARVEY: Yeah, but...

KING: You could have worked for me. You could have done me a favor and said, "Hey, they by-passed the wrong artery. We'll go on tonight."

CARVEY: It's a nice character. "They by-passed the wrong artery!"

KING: "Hey, they did the wrong artery!"

CARVEY: "I heard that they wrapped your arteries around your leg and attached them to your toe. I heard they took Regis's heart out and put it in you and put your heart in Regis. That's what I heard." "Where?" "I don't know where, but I tell everyone I know."

KING: What about your boys? Who's...

CARVEY: Tom and Dex. Hi, Tom. Hi, Dex.

KING: How old are they now?

CARVEY: They're 7 and 9 this summer, adorable, cute.

KING: Were they worried about...

CARVEY: Greatest kids.

KING: ... Dad? CARVEY: Not really because we just told them everything. But my son, like, about a week after the things, he -- you know, kids don't always get the story totally right. I remember Dex said, "Yeah, they took my dad's heart out, and they shook it all around and put it back in." That's what he said. And they were -- they were cool. Tom, the little one, made some toothpaste. He put two different toothpastes in a cup and said, "Here, Dad. Here's some heart medicine for you."

I'm going to get you to tear up, if it's the last thing I do.

KING: There's nothing like kids. I'm starting to cry just thinking of the boys.

CARVEY: Oh, it's so sweet!

KING: I got my little King boys. I'm going to go see them now.

CARVEY: Aw! Adorable! Larry, it's been a pleasure.

KING: Dana, my pleasure.

CARVEY: Good luck to you. Good luck to both of us.

KING: Thank you.

CARVEY: And we will see you...

KING: Good luck to both of us with our hearts.

CARVEY: ... at the convention.

KING: At the conventions.

CARVEY: Our arteries.

KING: Dana Carvey...

CARVEY: (INAUDIBLE)

KING: Dana Carvey will be with us from Philadelphia by satellite, in Los Angeles in person, as part of our convention coverage. We touch every base on LARRY KING LIVE!