Want To Live In A Trump Proxy State? Vote Conservative

Over the course of the last 50 days, the British people have been hit by a goddamn whirlwind of shameless politicking and ineptitude.

Corny catchphrases and mean tweets have totally dominated this election, and they've replaced any sort of substance with a watery debate about non-existent independence referendums and Brexit negotiations that aren't even on the books yet. No one seems remotely interested in the country's faltering economic performance, and we're all so preoccupied with divorcing Europe that none of us have spared a minute to ponder how Thursday's result will inevitably reshape one of the globe's most influential and dysfunctional power dynamics.

So, let's take a second and address this 'yuge' and totally incompetent orange elephant in the room.

Believe it or not, Donald Trump hasn't got a whole lot of friends anymore. Five months into this nonsensical adventure in self-annihilation he's calling leadership, pretty much all of America's key allies have started to pick up their toys and go home out of sheer exhaustion.

Zoom out for a bit of context, and it's not hard to see why - because the two leaders have got a lot more in common than most of us should care to admit. And it goes well beyond their shared love of Thatcher and the odd holding of hands.

The bottom line is this: we all know Donald Trump is a very real threat to global stability, the economy and our environment. But Theresa May is marching to the beat of the same drum. That makes the Prime Minister, along with every single voter she represents, complicit in all of Trump's catastrophic blunders.

Go ahead and let that sink in on the way to your local polling station.

Do you want to live in a racially divided country whose 'strong and stable' leader is constantly at the beck and call of a goddamn looney toon villain and his self-serving agenda? Do you want your government standing in the way of progress, and shuffling its feet on the wrong side of history?

If so, then go ahead and vote Conservative.

But if you're after someone with a bit more integrity - if you don't want Britain to end up turning into a feckless Trump proxy state - you've got to put your money where your mouth is, get out there on polling day and stand up for what's right. Cast your ballot for a party who's willing to stand against brazen tyranny, and send Theresa May a message she won't soon forget.

Your future, and the future of everything you know and love about this country, absolutely depends on it.