Some Questions About Women and Sex

I’m sorry to say that I’ve witnessed far too many conversations in which my friends attack other girls for their sexual experiences. I have finally had enough of the way teen girls (or women of all ages, for that matter) who have sex are regarded with prejudice. There are four specific aspects of this cultural “logic” about women and sex that I particularly don’t understand.

1. Who decides what constitutes “too much” sex?

Why do people think they can determine the limits of how much sex a person can acceptably have? I don’t believe that anyone has the right to set such standards for other women or men. I enjoy my sexual freedom and don’t believe that other people’s sexual choices or ideas about sex should have any bearing on …

On Preachers Daughters and Purity Culture

I recently marathoned Preachers Daughters, a new Lifetime reality show. Season One follows the lives of three different girls — Taylor, Olivia and Kolby — who all have at least one parent who is a preacher. While all girls are subject to purity culture based on their family’s beliefs, each reacts to this culture differently. Taylor feels restricted and chooses to rebel; Olivia, who has a baby, is now “on the right path”; Kolby attempts to live up to purity standards and even breaks up with a boyfriend in order to avoid future “temptation”. But while each girl follows a different path, they all show how purity culture can manifest destructively.

Although I was never involved with purity culture to the same extent as these girls, watching Taylor, Olivia …

Dear Mrs. Hall: In Defense of Teenage Girls

Do you remember what it feels like to question every fiber of your identity?

Your body, the hand grenade. Your body, the playground.

Perhaps being a mother of teenage sons has scrubbed your memory clean of the plights of girlhood, of that terrifying transition from controlled chaos to the free-fall of adulthood, of that magical land where you are expected to shed your frivolous fears and anxieties like dead skin, like a knight’s rusted suit of armor. Perhaps you never experienced many catastrophes. Perhaps your adolescence was a snapshot of wholesome, homespun Americana, equal parts privilege and determined obliviousness.

But in your world, are girls the proverbial Eve, or are they simply human beings?…

On Ending Slut Shaming

About a week ago, I was talking with one of my co-workers and she told me that students at her teenage daughter’s high school made a Facebook page dedicated to the school “sluts.” She proceeded to tell me that the page described the acts that the so-called “sluts” committed and even had pictures of the girls in question. I told my co-worker that that was called “slut shaming.” She did not know what I was talking about — that term was not in her vocabulary. Slut shaming is not something many people know about because of the stereotype that this is normal teenage behavior. But policing a young woman’s sexuality with hurtful comments, physical abuse, and/or sexual abuse, is not normal nor is it okay.

“You’re A Virgin? I Really Respect You For That.”

virginity does not equal purity

As you get older, more and more of your peers have sex. I’m currently 19 and know plenty of people who haven’t had sex. But because of the media’s stereotypical portrayal of young people as raging sex addicts, many people my age exaggerate about their sexual experience either to impress others or just to appear as if they’re “keeping up”.

But honestly, I don’t want to rant about people my age and sex. Frankly, I don’t care whether or not you have or haven’t had sex. I lost my virginity in February during a one night stand. I was 18. I know the social repercussions of being a virgin (a ‘late bloomer’) as well as the repercussions of being a slut. What I want to …

Sex and Christianity

Purity Rings: Not For Everybody

I was born and raised a Christian. From the time I came out of the womb, I was immersed in a highly religious family, and I lived most of my life with blinders on. I never really questioned anything and just accepted whatever was said to me. As I got older, I got more curious and began questioning the beliefs I was raised with more. I still believe in God and consider myself a Christian, but there are many aspects of my religion that I don’t agree with.

At church one Sunday, I went to the teen service and the topic that week was virginity and sex before marriage. I personally don’t plan on waiting until marriage, but I was interested in what was going …

I Should Be Allowed To Enjoy Sex

stop slut shaming me

I lost my virginity at sixteen to a boy who was just a friend. I was blessed to have friends who where very open minded and accepted that fact. I know from experience that some people would not take that fact so lightly. A friend of one of my friends found out that I had hooked up with that same boy before we had sex and called me a slut. At the time it felt really unfair that I was called a slut for hooking up with one boy. I did something I enjoyed that made me and someone else happy and I get called a slut? Why? Apparently, because I’m a girl and it’s wrong for me to even think about sex let alone have …

Teen Sex and Feminism

A Purity Ball

What issue is ever quite as controversial as sex? How to have it, why to have it, who’s having it, who shouldn’t be, what should happen afterwards. Sex is always divisive to begin with; it’s one of the basic things necessary for the survival of the human race, and it’s also considered one of the foremost pleasures in this life. Every culture, society, and religion has specific rules pertaining to it. It can make or break careers, reputations, and relationships; it can be a bargaining tool, a reward, or a trap; people do stupid things for it; abstaining from it is a big deal.

Let’s put it this way: human beings are obsessed with sex. Really, really obsessed with sex.