‘Today’s viewing public don’t care if a contestant’s unemployed Asperger’s Syndrome granny’s dying wish is to see them make the big time, we just want fatter, poorer and less attractive people than us humiliating themselves live on stage – it’s the ultimate in feelgood television.’ [read...]

‘It’s high time people got to choose their Archbishop according to who can perform the best song and dance routine,’ said executive producer Simon Cowell. ‘I’m no theologian but I’m pretty sure it’s what Jesus would have wanted.’ [read...]

After years of strutting about with his chest puffed out and wearing a ridiculous crest on his head, a bantam cock has confessed to acting ‘a bit too much like Simon Cowell.’ In a cagey interview with Fox News, [read...]