Community

December 7 – Community Prompt: Community. Where have you discovered community, online or otherwise, in 2010? What community would you like to join, create or more deeply connect with in 2011? (Author: Cali Harris)

Oh, communities: the life of me, the places which water my roots. The first would be my very own Green World, my group of undergraduate friends, the friends who were there with me in my hothouse world, where I became most Stephanie of Stephanie, most myself, and bloomed and took off. Most of us took Comedy and Satire together, and learned about the idea of the Green World (see, _A Midsummer Night’s Dream_, see also, transformation/metamorphosis). These friends were a saving grace when I was in a very bad relationship, and when I had learned not to know myself. A therapist at the time, when I was wondering aloud why I loved these friends so much, said, “You are seeing your best self reflected in them. They show that back to you.”

These friends are still with me– most of them were at my wedding, filling my bridal party and surrounding me with love (even though, upon first glance, you might never picture them in a wedding party, let alone one surrounding a 12 foot circumference hoop-skirted bride.)

Another community: my home church in St. Louis. Again, it was a safe place where I became most myself. The choir, my priest, the worship spaces, the hours I spent in vigil and prayer there. And whenever I go back I am home again.

The Racine Dominicans. I have been associated (a committed relationship made by a lay person–in the world, as opposed to an avowed religious person) to them for several years now. “My nuns” have been with me through so many travels and trials. I have prayed with them and for them as they have prayed for me. My Dominican family has taught me, nourished me, and continues to help me grow into my relationship with God.

The Sex Ho. After I left my first and worst relationship, I happened to meet Jodut at the school where we both were teaching. Her TFA roommate had flaked out and gone back East, and she was looking for a roommate. She was the best roommate I’ve ever had. We survived so many things that year– a teachers’ union strike, a burglary, the struggle of being first year teachers. And we had so much fun, so much joy. The next year, we moved in with another pair of roommates, Tom and Eric. We moved into giant, old, wooden-floored and pocket-doored apartment in a once classy section of St. Louis. The apartment building was labeled, “Essex House.” While making invitations for one famous dinner party, my jewelry covered some of that phrase on the copier plate, and “sex ho” came out on the invitations.

I can’t believe we only lived together one year. Those friendships are larger than life in my heart and memory. My Dad once remarked to me, “These, these are the friendships you’ll have and cherish your entire life.” We fought passive aggressive battles over the dishes and electricity, had “family meetings” that sometimes ended in tears, sometimes in drunken dancing, sometimes in peals of joyful laughing. We photographed one another, supported one another in our teaching, cooked, gave dinners, decorated, and inspired. And again– all three were in our wedding party this year. We continue to have “Sex Ho Christmas” every year– a weekend slumber party where we wear matching tee-shirts and re-connect.

The 7th Floor, Hastings Hall. When I first moved to the city, I was terrified. Panic attacks, every day, every night. I cried daily, stumbling through classes with tears and snot running down my face. I was homesick, I was unsure about my course of study, and I had left my entire life to come here, sight unseen. Luckily for me, I had a near-ready made family waiting for me. I lived on a co-ed dorm floor; we had individual bedrooms, but shared bathrooms and a common kitchen and living room. Over the next two years, I spent hours laughing, crying, fighting, arguing, writing, studying… watching endless sporting events and Sex and the City and Law & Order marathons… in those common rooms. I am certain that if I had been in an apartment by myself, I wouldn’t have made it.

When I was little, I sometimes felt out of place, out of time. The books I was reading (think _The Secret Garden_) were so, so different from what was around me (broke down coal mining town.) I longed, longed for a family or group of friends that looked like those in books, in movies. I daydreamed about future friends, future possibilities. I am struck, having written this, that my prayers and wishes came true: I’ve been blessed with more than I could have a known.

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Love this. It makes me appriciate how lucky I have been with my family because I have not had the long term friendships that you have. I had great friends who got me through high school in a place where I definitely did not fit in, but we all left each other when we went off to college. I have a few contacts but they are not strong. I had great friends in college because I was in a small dorm with only 48 women. I think that was when I found “me” like you mentioned. I am the person that I am because of my college experience. I am so glad to be a mature adult and to still be friends with my siblings. It is hard work, but worth every minute. I can’t imagine not being friends with them I value their love and friendship so much. I am so glad that my husband and my sons have created a family group that gets along well even though we are far apart and don’t see each other as much as we would like. So many people have poor relationships with the adult children and I feel blessed to have good ones. Because I am married to my best friend and because we have moved so often I don’t have women friends like I would like to. I have had them in places where we have lived in the past. I wish I had one now, but it is hard to nuture a friendship under our current circumstances. I loved reading what you wrote. I am blessed to have you as part of my family.