Crazy Travel Lady Needs to Stop

I was talking to myself again. Which is not a surprising event. I did this quirky thing in my past life, but this time the urge grabbed hold of me, like an unwanted hand encircling my arm and squeezing.

It all started with my hotel room in Fuzhou. I started pontificating about the size of the bed, how large it was for one person. I gushed with adjectives describing the dressers. Modern and clean. Or the first efficient closet I encountered in China had me in paroxysms. The cleanliness alone was orgasmic. Oh, and the shower, the first one I felt comfortable enough in to not wear shower shoes. I rambled on about this startling discovery in extensive detail – to myself.

In the past, self-talk amounted to muttering under my breath if something displeased me, or cursing loudly in my car at the profound stupidity of Vancouver drivers.

The ghostly impression of that conversation in China haunts me, among other discoveries in the past six months.

I wrestled with a new kind of lonely, even seriously pondering changing my solo ways from one to two. I hashed out my discovery upon meeting travelers in the past year and witnessing their off-kilter, sometimes shocking behavior, questioning my very sanity. Have I changed for the better as I set out to do or have my worst traits suddenly become the forefront of my personality? Do I belch in people’s faces and laugh? Act seemingly normal one moment, then lash out with some paranoid rant about aliens and the pyramids? The prospect makes me shudder.

That wacky conversation with myself was a nail banging into the coffin of the horrible truth.

I’ve been bulldozing alone for too long. It’s time to stop. I’m getting irritable, even slightly panicky about replenishing my savings. What saddens me the most is that I’ve lost something. The spark that first ignited my thirst for other cultures has dwindled. I want it back. Maybe it will be slightly world weary, but it’s my spark nonetheless. My lofty adventure to enter Taiwan by ferry taught me something else essential: I reached my goal. And knowing that is nothing short of amazing.

I know, I know… you are gasping out loud. What does this mean for Nomadic Chick?

What does this mean for you?

I plan to stop for a set period of time, most likely in Asia. And look for that thing you have to wake up for, moan about, drink away, because they gulp up treasured time.

A job.

Not just any job either. Don’t fret. All I want is to breathe somewhere for a bit, build some friends and a small community, earn some foreign denerio, then be able to focus on some writing and media projects that are swimming in my idea pond. This might involve teaching English part-time or knocking on the door of a local English newspaper or magazine to sell stories.

It’s time. Time to be nomadic standing still.

You knew I hinted at it once, but you never thought I was serious. You might leave a scornful comment, or write a nasty email accusing me of pulling the rug from under you.

You sold a dream that you don’t believe in anymore.

I do, though.

I believed I could change my life through travel. I did.

I longed to be hushed, in awe, and spiritually rewarded through travel. I was.

I was determined to see magnificent places and meet varied, interesting humans who changed my viewpoint and prejudices. It happened.

Constant movement bestowed so many benefits on me, but right now, I’m mentally exhausted. It’s time to take a break.

What this means for you is continued insights on my adjustment to the expat life. The dramas, intrigues and searing sex I will have. Errr… a girl can dream. About sex.

I know this feeling! I spent 6months on the road and loved every second. The minute I found myself with a base for 5months on Koh Phangan, I found myself having the most memorable parts of this trip. Having a base serves its purpose at the time. The key thing for me is the relationships you build. I am about to leave this much loved place and continue on my travelbumpkin path and I am sad and excited all at the same time…

Good luck to you! I read all your posts and they are fab. You speak straight from the heart. No bollox. I like that.

If you can, I’d appreciate you glancing at my site http://www.travelbumpkin.co.uk – it’s a work in progress but I hope it can have the interest that yours does one day.

@Kiri – I dunno, you seem to have a healthy following on your Gap Daemon journal. :) More than I could muster. I suspect stopping and experiencing daily life will be the most interesting bits, but lately I’ve been thinking back on some of my travels and wow – there were some amazing moments – both sad and happy. :) Thanks for always reading and I promise to read your blog more regularly.

I’m just glad that you are doing what you need to do and I’m glad that I’ve been able to see you transform on your journey… and now you may have time to read more blogs. *cough* <3My latest post is..Bring It On! 2012 and Over Yonderlust

@Dave – “Travelling is my life … but it’s not the only thing in my life.” Ahhh, beautifully said. :) I felt claustrophobic for a while, that traveling all the time was IT, and that it was also expected of me. Be weary of labels, because sometimes we let them define us – Nomadic Chick sounds great, but to live it all the time? Not always. You know how it is though, sometimes we don’t realize we’re unhappy until, well, it’s late in the game. Glad I caught myself now.

WOW I love how many comments you got on this post! Bravo for you for following your heart. I’m not sure why travelers believe you can’t have BOTH worlds of traveling and not traveling? I never feel like I compromise my life at home or on the road. I have no doubt you’ll feel the same way in a year from now. :)My latest post is..France & Italy With Trafalgar Tours: Day 6 (Part 1)

As someone who is pretty much a constant expat, I can tell you that it can be just as exciting and frustrating and eye-opening as constant travel. Personally, I like it a lot more–as you really get to discover the things that on-the-surface travelers miss and you get to create a community. Wrote about a few of the benefits: http://www.cestchristine.com/2010/05/my-dirty-little-travel-secret/

You have fooled me! haha. Just kidding. Life is all about change. I think it is great that you are embracing it and you know when something is no longer making you happy. I think I have always known that I’m not cut out for the nomadic lifestyle for more than maybe a year. I like my comforts and I like being able to see my family more than once a year. Scott and I have been talking about having a home base and taking trips for a few weeks to a month or two long. It feels a lot safer for him and as long as we can pull it off, it sounds like the perfect life to me!

You don’t need to prove anything to anybody. This is your one precious life. Do what makes you happy when it makes you happy. Stop doing it when it doesn’t.

I started travelling almost 15 years ago. I am doing it today. But I sure as hell haven’t been moving the entire time. I think that would have been impossible for most people, and it would certainly have been impossible for me. Travelling is my life … but it’s not the only thing in my life.

You are still the Nomadic Chick whether you’re staying still for a while or not. Nomadic-ness is in your heart, not your feet.My latest post is..A breakup letter

Congratulations on making this decision, Jeannie. I can relate to you as I’m in a bit of a similar situation myself. I KNOW that I need to take a break, but I just keep booking and booking and booking because I feel like it’s the answer to my site’s success. I’ll slow down by summer. I think.

I considered setting up life in Spain for the Winter but Toronto came calling, and as you know I still love the city. If I didn’t I’d be down there with you.

Stephanie (The Travel Chica) shacked up in Buenos Aires together and it was so nice to have friends and just do regular things like going to the gym. I’m sure this is the right step for you.My latest post is..Struggling in Seville

My initial reaction on seeing the title of this post was “Ah well. Another one bites the dust”. :-)

But you and I both know that’s not what is really happening. You’re still NomadicChick, and you still will be, even if you’re not constantly hopping on ferries and trains and buses and planes.
I’ve been in your shoes, and know exactly how you feel. And the beautiful thing that I eventually figured out, is that travel is entirely what you define it to be. You’re not stopping travel to spend some time living and working in Asia. Heck – you’re living and working in Asia! Ask any of our Canadian compadres back home, and they’ll certainly attest to the idea that you’re still traveling.

But even that doesn’t matter. What really matters is that you’re doing something that makes you happy. So you stop for a while and catch your breath. Get a group of friends that you can start to develop meaningful relationships with. Have some good sex. Cook in your own kitchen. You know. The stuff of life.

After the Ultimate Train Challenge (which I think took a toll on both you and I), I was exhausted, but oh so lucky to be headed straight for Grenada (Caribbean), where I could house-sit and do nothing for three months. And an idyllic 3 months it has been. I’ve gotten a chance to experience everything I had been missing: silence, space, time, and friendships.
It has been a rest just long enough that I’m going to hit the road again for almost 3 months, then return right back to Grenada and chill out for another 3 months. Maybe 4. Or even 5.

Because you know what? In my 3 months so far in Grenada, I still haven’t even made it all the way around this tiny island that you can drive around in less than a day. Why? I just haven’t gotten around to it. I will. But I will answer to no checklist of destinations and sights that I “must” see as a traveler any more. Instead, I will just LIVE…..around the world.

@MaryAnne – What’s wrong with Office Depot? I’d work there in a heartbeat. Free staples for the rest of my life!

I adore your comment because you elucidated my thoughts – so much has happened to me in the past year ad a half and I’ve had no time to process any of it. My brain has to catch up with my banging bod, cause that banging bod is gonna have all that sex, searingly.

@Gray – Yeah… my worry was based on the emails I still get once in a while, the ones who still feel stuck and for soem stupid reason look to me to answer their questions or be that beacon of ‘freedom’ to them. I probably give myself too much credit here. No matter, you’re right, our lives should be lived how we want!

@Rease – I’m coming around to your way of thinking, having a healthier savings account would be nice for a change. And I think many of us in this comment stream can say we were successful in our goals. We ALL did what we set out to do. Cheers to that. :)

@Bethany – I had to throw in sex to distract any disappointed readers. :-D Traveling all the time was easier than I expected, almost too easy sometimes and it will be nice to have a completely different challenge ahead! I always thought you and Randy were pretty smart, this proves it.

@RenegadePilgrim – Lady, your words mean so much to me. I think I had a moment of feeling like a failure, that I couldn’t keep this lifestyle going, but who says I have to? You are equally inspirational!