In honor of today, I donned an all black outfit with a hint of orange on my lips.This isn't my typical style, but I felt like the beetle juice tights and mesh cut out dress fit the feel of the holiday. I was out for a total of about two minutes to take these photos because I couldn't even seen in front of me with the rain. Figured that wasn't good for my camera, ya know.

I'm combining the very old with the very new in this outfit. Or, well, I suppose if you want to get technical it's actually all very old. But in a 'new to me sense' the dress I'm wearing as a top was one of the first pieces I thrifted. It was my pride and joy at the time, and I didn't think another thrift find would ever top it. I haven't worn it in a few years because I ran out of ways to mix it up, but when I went home a few weeks ago I thrifted this vintage damask skirt. Someone must have really liked the shape and style of it because there was one in every color at the thrift store, but this bright green caught my attention and won my heart.

I feel like when I thrift, I never go for basic pieces but out of the ordinary, somewhat hard to wear ones. It causes a huge surge of clothing in my wardrobe, but yet none of it ever really gets worn. I always feel like I'm thinking " I need this, this, and this certain condition to wear this piece." Well gosh darn it. I'm tired of waiting for 'this, this, and this." I'll wear what I want when I want.

For the past year or so I had the notion that if I stopped taking my depression medication, I would be fine. It's been such a long time since I've felt that darkness and often times I thought, could it really be that bad? How can this itty bitty pill do so much for me? I got too confident in myself and although it is important to be confident in Christ that He can get you through all things, there is a certain point where medical intervention is necessary.

Remember a few posts back when I said I wasn't feel well? I was plagued by this awful dizziness that left me unable to walk or do much besides close my eyes and lay in bed. I couldn't figure out why I had it for days, but no other symptoms. Then I felt the shift. I started getting really...angry. I'm not a particularly angry person, but for no reason at all I would just look at people and hate them. I began isolating myself and not even wanting anyone to see me, let alone talk to me. I was short and bitter when talking with my parents, even though they had done nothing to me. And then I started crying, sobbing, for absolutely no reason at all.

I knew I had felt all this before, it was so familiar but felt so far away at the same time. Almost like I didn't experience it, but instead remembered it from a dream or something. It was depression.

I ran out of my medication about a week ago and thought I had another bottle of three months worth to get me through until my winter break. When I looked in my drawer, there was none. The prescription couldn't get refilled and it would be delayed even more because my parents would have to mail the medication to me here at college. It only took a few days for it to get out of my system, and you're not supposed to stop cold turkey, but rather lower your dosages gradually. With the sudden stop, the dizziness occurred and it is scary to believe how fast it took (around 4 days) for my depression to return.

I thought I was invincible. I thought I could do it on my own and be okay. Thankfully, I'm back on my medication now, but it was a real wake up call for me. Sometimes you need a little help, and that's okay. It's alright that I can't do it on my own. For some, they can, but for me I know I need this medication to live a normal and happy life. I'm just thankful now more than ever that it allows me to do so every day.

Halloween festivities were this weekend at Kent and I of course had to dress up. I was in quite the worrying state weeks prior about what to be. I thought, "what do I like? what makes me happy?"

COFFEE.

And so the Starbucks drink costume was born!

The whole outfit only cost me $12 to make/buy. I had the cardigan, shoes, and tights & bought the dress at a thrift store for $2 (it's an extra small Victoria Secret; don't know how I fit into it). I then bought some Bristol board to make my 'cup holder' and printed and drew on the appropriate details. My head piece is cotton balls glued onto an old beret to look like whipped cream, and for my straw I taped a toilet paper roll on my hat and wrapped green construction paper around.

I went to the NAV party and a high school friends' party Saturday evening and then went out people watching late at night. Kent Halloween is like no other. Students from colleges across Ohio come here to party and there's somewhere around 15,000 people. The streets are packed with all sorts of wild characters...it's seriously indescribable. I had one guy ask if I was a cauliflower, another ask if he could 'have a drink of me' (ew), and a third pretend to smoke a bong out of my straw. People are so crazy and it was hilarious to watch them while sober. Halloween is always a night with the best quotes and stories to tell of downtown adventures.

Hope you all had a fun weekend, as well, if you went to any Halloween festivities! :)

Last weekend Erin and I found the best lookin' pile of leaves on this campus and took some pretty photos in them. The lady sure knows how to take good pictures (and look good in them herself). Took me nearly a week to go through them all and decide which ones to post!

It was so tranquil underneath these towering trees where mother nature is slowly working her way across them. Green to yellow to orange to red leaves could be seen all on the same tree. Phenomenal how nature works. I could have laid there forever under the tree, staring up into the blue, blue contrasting sky. Almost like I was floating. That was what it felt like to not have any cares, to be free. It was the best moment fall has had to offer thus far. It shouldn't be about the pumpkin spice lattes and the new fashions, the cliche instagram photos and seeing how many fall activities you can cram in and brag about in one month...it's about that moment where you can feel the season in your heart. You don't have to share it with the whole world, in fact, you don't want to. It's a little well kept secret in that takes the airy, frosty breath from your lungs away.

Fall is about a feeling.

A feeling that can't be replaced by all of the materialistic things in the world.

Happy Friday to you all. I'm sure a lot of you are sure glad it's the weekend! It's been strange, but I've been really under the weather the past few days. Not in a cold, flu, typically sort of sickness way. I can't pin point it. I am very dizzy to the point where I constantly feel like I'm going to fall backwards. It makes it so I can't do much, and I'm always in fear of passing out. I get this sometimes and haven't a clue why. Nothing helps- trying to sleep it off, drinking lots of water, eating... It seems to be the root of something else. It's just scary because a few years back when I had this same feeling I ended up passing out when getting out of the bath and fell down a flight of stairs. I'm just weary to do anything alone in case something like this happens again.I'm praying that I start to feel better; it's just scary to feel something is wrong with you but not know what.

I am excited though that I finished my Halloween costume last night and if I'm feeling better, I should be wearing it tomorrow for some festivities! I have a few parties to go to and I'm super stoked. My costume only cost $12 to make;have any guesses what I'm being...?

School has been getting the best of me these past few weeks. I feel as if I'm running a marathon and just keep huffing and puffing with exhaustion until I'm walking mid way through the race. I never feel on top of my work or working hard enough. And it's not like I'm just saying I'm not working hard enough when really I'm breaking my back and being a perfectionist. No, I'm really not working hard enough.

It's been frustrating and bothering me to see my lack of motivation and desire to change my ways. I know that I fall asleep when studying in my room, so why do I keep doing it? I know that I get distracted when I'm near my computer, so why even have the temptation there? I decided that enough was enough though and that I'm going to be more proactive about my studying and homework habits.

Tonight is the first night perhaps all semester I actually feel good about the amount of work I put into school. I feel exhausted mentally, but that is such a satisfying feeling. Instead of feeling groggy and useless after napping all evening and mindlessly reading articles about Kim Kardashian, I feel fulfilled and like I made a positive impact on today. Looking forward to going to bed tonight with a reason to be tired.

I'm hoping that I can keep on keeping on with my school work. It's not even that I'm doing bad--my grades are all great. But the fact that I'm coasting through school and not putting the full effort into my classes that they (and I!) deserve makes me want to do better. Yeah productivity!

I’m Lauren. A 24 year old Ohioan living in Brooklyn, NY and the blogger behind this nook of the internet. This is the place where I write out my soul, bare my heart, and welcome you to do the same. Grab a warm cup of something and stay awhile. x