"Just because I feel sympathy, compassion, and forgiveness for others such as Hitler means I am now a monster? All for trying to open your eyes to the truth that Hitler was NOT as bad as he was painted out to be?"

Yes. You are.

I just saw Mel Gibson mouthing profanities to a circus raccoon. (And giving a sewer rat a handy.) He lost his voice. Throw it up and mail it back. He said he needs it before Hanukkah's end. (It ended last week.)

Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag are back in a new E! special, "After Shock: Heidi and Spencer." We learn shiny new things like: "The Hills" was fake, they blew through $10 million in one year and Pratt gained 50 pounds due to a pie addiction.

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Pratt did say that random people still try to fight and attack him, which is causing his aversion to procreating.

"I wouldn't want to be Spencer Pratt's kid," he said.

I would rather be stuck inside Andy Dick's kidney stone.

Speaking of Spencer Pratt's kid...

Kanye West told a Saturday Night Online radio host that being a rapper is much like being a police officer.

"I'm just giving up my body on the stage and putting my life at risk, literally," West said.

I literally see he literally took a literal page from the literal Kardashian dictionary. Literally.

"You're literally going out to do your job every day knowing that something could happen to you," West said.

DANGER! It rains tits and caviar. Sometimes beluga eggs mix into his lobster. A couple of trust funds could fall on his dome when he's reaching for his 24-karat gold tampon.

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Boulder is pretty good at producing rock bands, and by "rock," we mean the in-your-face, guitar-heavy, leather-clad variety — you know, the good kind. For a prime example, look no farther than BANDITS. Full Story