Why You Should Never Ask A Couple When Are They Having Kids.

This is a Monday’s Musings – Random thoughts, feelings and musings by Yours Truly entry under my themed blog posts! For more info about this Singapore Lifestyle Blog themed blog posts, do read the entry here.

I think most of my Monday’s Musings entries comes from real life experiences. When irked, amused, I think it makes good content for Monday’s boliaoness posts.

The number one hated question that I’ve been getting for the past month is: “WHEN are you gonna have kids?“

WOW WOW WOW. How personal is this? Might as well just ask me when am I going to have sex?

The funniest thing is that the people who asked have no right to ask us that question. Are they a close friend? Are they a relative? Have I known them for more than a year?

If nope, then who the fuck are they to poke into our personal life? The funniest thing is that when I reply that I do not know if I want to have kids, their expression is like as if I just danced naked in front of their mothers.

And then the judging happens.

Their responses are usually one of these:

a. You’ll NEVER be ready to have a kid. So just have them!
b. Kids complete you.
c. You need a kid to take care of you in old age.
d. Couples need kids to progress in the relationship.
e. You are not getting younger you know? Not ready? have one, you’ll be ready in future.

I can shoot back to all of those judgemental and know-it-all responses above but I won’t. Instead I’ll secretly voodoo them in my mind and hope they’ll get piles or something. (That being said, close friends who have asked that question without any judgement are fine, I have had healthy discussions with many girlfriends about this topic and that’s okay. It’s the annoying ones that makes me wanna throw Miu Miu‘s poo at them.)

For those who are wondering, I am not ready to have a kid now and I do not know whether I want one. I don’t see a need to push an unwanted baby out of my vagina if I DO NOT want one and I do not want to resent that kiddo for the rest of my life. Instead, I’ll think if I want one first. If I do, then fine, more sex then. If not, then hello Double Income, No kids! I’ll lead my life happily with or without a kiddo. And also, last checked, it’s my prerogative.

Back to the original topic Why You Should Never Ask A Couple When Are They Having Kids?

1. It’s none of your business.

If you can’t eat or sleep without knowing that answer and will DIE, then fine. If you can still function, then it’s none of your bloody business. It’s also freaking personal. Are you asking me when will my husband cum in me? WOW. WHY?! It’s extremely personal, invasive and inappropriate.

2. When? How about If?

When is ASSuming that a couple wants kids. How about I assume that you want a cockroach in your sandwich?

3. What if they ARE already trying and have yet to conceive?

Rub salt in their wounds. Go ahead. Please continue. Why not pour alcohol on the wounds too? And how about this chilli padi in their eyes? Twist the blade in their back.

You get what i mean. People who ARE already trying and have little success already are already feeling lots of emotions e.g. worried, unhappy, demoralised but yet hopeful. Every time you ask that question is reminding them that they have yet to succeed. And that “oh” and look of pity that you give when they’ve told you that they have tried for years? Is just painful to them. So shut your big mouth. You do know that it’s not immediate conception right? It’s not like it’s a guaranteed thing.

And come on lah we just had our chinese ceremony in March, I JUST changed a job, our house isn’t here. Nothing is stable now and we are just not ready. IF we have decided we are ready and WANT one, then we’ll start trying. If can’t have one, then we’ll adopt. There are so many kiddos in the world who needs a loving home. Why not?

But for now, we aren’t. Our own mothers do not even ask us this question and yet so many kaypohchis (like colleagues and casual acquaintances) dared to ask us this.

If I am ready and want to have a kiddo, it’s also none of anyone’s business. Remember this, I/We do not owe anyone an explanation. Again, for close friends, I’m open to discussions if you are reasonable and not judgemental.

It’s not like I tied my tubes. Other extremely invasive questions that I think irks couples are: When Are You Getting Married? and When Are You Having A Second Kid?

What do you guys think? Please feel free to comment on this entry. Would love to hear your thoughts. And please do not preach to me about the importance of having kids. Else I’ll preach to you about the importance of free will.

Well, this is my Monday’s Musings entry. Sorry for the long wall of text! I hope that you’ve enjoyed reading this Why You Should Never Ask A Couple When Are They Having Kids musing piece from me! Are there any other topics that you’ll like to hear from me? Do comment and I’ll muse about that