Comments (148)

Can I just add that if you don't want to be labeled as selfish then you need to either a.) add more backstory to your original post b.) not even post about the subject in the first place.

If you reread your original post, it comes off as someone who feels put out just b/c their free baby-sitter tried to get herself out of a shitty situation. That is how the original post comes off so you really just sound even worse when you get your panties in a bunch b/c people have called you out on being selfish.

It sounds like MIL is in a desperate place right now. Without you knowing the circumstances surrounding the leaving, it's difficult to make a judgement. It sounds like at this point she needs support more than anything.

I realize that this leaves you & DH in a bind for childcare, but it sounds like she really needs some time to get herself together. If she is that distressed & unpredictable, do you really want to leave your son with her everyday anyway?

I feel like cutting your son out of her life is a bit harsh. It sounds like she really needs to work through some personal things, but has otherwise been there for your family.

I would also try not to over analyze her reasons for leaving as related to watching your son....it sounds like there were issues long before your son was in the picture.

Thanks tpot. My first thought was what about your child? Has he witnessed the abuse? That's not something I would want my child to be around 5 days a week, all day. Especially if you witnessed the abuse, you should be concerned about your MIL. You have no idea what happened the night before. She is probably waiting on things to settle down and get herself to a good place before she contacts you.

And you need to consider yourself lucky. At least you have a MIL who gives a crap. You want to know about my MIL? She's an alcoholic druggie who comes around when she needs more money for "bills." She doesn't even know I am pregnant b/c last time we saw her (in July) we refused to give her anything. We pay around $70 a month for a security system in case she breaks in. Wouldn't be the first time she did. If she does make it into your house, she will take cash, debit cards, credit cards, checks, cars, anything she can pawn (bye bye engagement ring!). And she will never go to jail b/c in this town, if you rat someone out, you get off with no punishment.

I hope your MIL is not hurt and has some place safe to stay. You should think twice about being inconvienced for a couple days, while the rest of us with POS MILs have something to complain about.

This in my opinion needs a "trigger" some of us statistically. have been in abusive relationships. Please understand that leaving can be a life or death situation. You may never know what it is really like when you are not in that home. If you knowa it's been bad when it could be witnessed , know it can be much worse when you are away. Telling anyone where she was going could be life threatening. And well meaning as you or your dh may be . If something slipped to her husband it could be very bad for her. Verbal abuse is very serious and painful and often doesn't stop there. Women are murdered every day trying to leave abusive partners and holidays can be heightened times of abuse. I understand your need for help but right now your mother in law needs love, understanding, support, respect, dignity, strength, hope, and prayers. My ex was very scary. Christmas 3year ago after 13 years of abuse I told him I was leaving . He called and told me he would kill me and I would never seen him coming. The police were no help. He kidnapped one of our 3 sons and bought an illegal weapon . Some of us havebeen through hell and are happy to be free. I have a great husband now my 3 sons are safe with me and we have a baby sister on the way. If my friends hadnt hidden me , if anyone else knew where we were ...... That may not have been..

This is not about you. I can't imagine what it took for her to leave, especially knowing she was leaving that little guy behind. I can't imagine how broken she feels right now, knowing she had to sever ties with so many just to escape a bad marriage.

I also can't believe you really think that your father in law's gifts play a factor, or that your own feelings even matter here.

Not sure if anyone has mentioned this already, but sometimes when things escalate if a battered woman contacts a shelter they make plans to get the person out with instructions to not tell anyone until they are in a safe place. It's for her safety, not about your relationship with her. You say she never stands up for herself, probably due to low self esteem from being treated like crap for years. And honestly as someone who grew up amidst a controlling step-dad and a timid mother, your DH does not know all that happened between them and clearly one or both of his parents is covering for whatever they didn't want him to know. It's totally possible that your FIL was much worse than he lets on and your MIL did seek outside love to make up for what she was lacking, either way it's not a healthy relationship and not something you should want your child around since it was clearly still going on. Finding a daycare on short notice sucks, but I hope someone hears from your MIL soon so that you know she's alive and well.