When and as I see myself reacting in fear due to projecting within my mind a scenery or situation in which I am experiencing petrification - I stop, I breathe - I realise that I am experiencing fear, not because I actually fear that which I am projecting within my mind as the scenery/situation, where in essence the fear has got nothing to do with the scenery/situation, but that I am through the projection, bringing the experience of petrification that I project/imagine I would have in such a scenery/situation 'here' - and thus, I create the perception/idea/belief that my fear stands in relation to something else, when actually, I have merely superimposed my imagined/projected fear unto the here/now moment, and thus - creating an experience of fear. And thus, I commit myself to, in such a moment where when and as I see myself reacting in fear due to superimposing an imagined experience of petrification on the present moment, let go of the fear, stabilise myself through breathing and proceed in common sense.

When and as I see myself going into a fear of being conned or deceived - I stop, I breathe - I realise that we have played the game of 'con or be conned' for far too long and that participating within this fear will inevitably lead to deception from my part in order to 'protect' me from being conned - and therefore, I commit myself to let go of the fear, stabilise myself within my body in breath, embrace myself in self-trust and proceed with common sense.

When and as I see myself going into fear due to feeling that 'who I am' as all the judgments, perceptions, beliefs, opinions, thoughts, feelings, emotions, definitions, fears, perceptions in and of my mind is in some way being challenged and therefore, tend to go into a defensive/protective mode - I stop, I breathe - I realise that all the judgments, perceptions, beliefs, opinions, thougths, feelings, emotions, definitions, fears, perceptions in and of my mind are nothing but foreign entities that i have imposed upon myself as well as my physical body and thus, are not who I am and do not require my protection, but instead my scrutiny - and thus, I commit myself let go of the fear as well as whatever judgement, perception, belief, opinion, thought, feeling, emotion, definition, fear or perception that was being challenged - as it is only a figment of my imagination through the mind and not real.

When and as I see myself going into a fear of being taken over and losing control - I stop, I breathe - I realise that within and as the fear, I am actually giving my power away to that which I perceive is attempting to take over and control me, and within that - I am in fact giving that something/someone the permission to take over as, within the fear, I am stating that I am 'in fear' = inferior - and thus, unable to stop their attempt to take over/control me - and thus, I commit myself to place the something/someone that I see as a threat that is attempting to take me over/control me within and as me and embrace myself as equal and one as that something/someone - herein diffusing any ideas or perceptions of inferiority/superiority and thus, placing myself in a position where I am able to direct myself and determine and express what I accept and allow and what I don't accept and allow.

When and as I see myself victimising myself - I stop, I breathe - I realise that nothing can ever really be done unto me and that any harm something or someone else inflicts on me is only me self-created consequences as I left a space within myself or my life where I was not the directive principle and self-honesty, and thus gave the outside something/someone the permission and freedom to become the directive principle in my stead - and thus, I commit myself to let go of the victimisation and instead empower myself through taking responsibility by investigating the points I have missed/left undirected and becoming the directive principle within them.

When and as I see myself going into fear of vulnerability, fear of being fragile, fear of pain or fear of death - I stop, I breathe - I realise that the physical reality of being vulnerable, being fragile, possibly experiencing pain and certainly experiencing death sooner or later - are things that are currently inevitable and to which I can make no immediate difference - and thus, I commit myself to let go of the fear as the fear will not magically change the physical reality of vulnerability, fragility, pain and death - and thus, instead, I embrace the reality of vulnerability, fragility, possible pain and certain death, making peace with it and proceeding in self-silence.

When and as I see myself categorising people in the categories of 'good guys' and 'bad guys' - I stop, I breathe - I realise I am seeing people/he world in black and white as how I taught myself to see people/the world through watching cartoons in which some people are always entirely/purely good and some people are always entirely/purely evil - and thus, I stop myself from labeling people and seeing the world/people in black and white, and instead - place them within and as me, embracing them as me within the realisation that every human being is equally evil within accepting and allowing the exact same self-dishonesties to exist within them, which always include some form of harm and disregard to life - and that the only difference is that with some beings some types of dishonesties are more prominent and more obvious than with others and that some are able to hide and disguise their deceptions more easily - but that, in essence, everyone is the same - equal and one.

The Interview 'When Life Turns its Back on You' was quite eye-opening for me. I realised how much we take our parents for granted. As a child, we just think it's normal that another human being is at your disposal all the time - there to take care of you, look after you and giving you direction in your day or in your life. Even as we grow older and start to gain some understanding of and experience with responsibility, we don't often stop to consider the kind of commitments our parents made within their decision to have children - where, they decide and commit to placing a child at the centre of their universe and start living their lives in service of the child.

And sure, I know - we didn't ask to be born and it's not our problem if our parents decided to give up their personal lives to take care of us - it was THEIR decision and even the reasons for having children may have been twisted and contain some kind of hidden agendas as expecting that the child may for instance 'fix' their lives or or their marriage. But still - I can't even conceive of such a dedication and such a commitment.

And then when we grow up and become adults we just want to go and live our own lives and in some cases distance ourselves from our 'old folks' - like they are a burden and are something to discretely and slowly be disposed of. Don't get me wrong - I don't think or feel that we are indebted to our parents and therefore now should give up our lives to take care of them. Though, listening to this interview showed me that I had never really considered who my parents are as a being and what they go through and have gone through in being a parent. I only ever considered my side as the 'child' and my own experience towards them - without ever placing myself in my parents' shoes - which would've probably changed my whole experience and relationship with them while growing up.

So - if you have this experience towards your parents of them being a burden and kind of wanting to distance yourself from them - or if you're considering to become a parent and would like to have an idea of what you're in for: I'd definitely suggest you listen to this interview. It may change your whole experience - whether as a parent or as a daughter/son in relation to your parents.

If each one - parent or child - would always take full and complete responsibility for themselves and not expect the parent or child to fulfill them - then parent-child relationships could actually stand within oneness and equality, respect and consideration. Where the point of giving and receiving care becomes mutual and unconditional and not because of an experience of guilt or expectation...

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react in fear when and as I see the entities that make up the human immune system instantly destroy a virus.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react in fear due to the realisation that with every lifeform there is another lifeform that is able to crush/destroy the first lifeform in a matter of seconds.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to reactin fear due to the realisatio that I can be destroyed/crushed in a matter of seconds and that physical strength is a relative term - where, even if I perceive my human physical body to be quite a strong organism - there are conditions under which it will die almost instantly.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear vulnerability and fragility.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear vulnerability and fragility as I connect both words with the experience of pain - where, if I feel vulnerable or fragile, I immediately expect the possibility of pain, and within that expectation and possibility, immediately bring the experience of pain here - and thus - give myself a feedback system of 'vulnerable' or 'fragile' equals pain - teaching myself that vulnerability and fragility are two things that need to be avoided - instead of realising that they are physical facts that I can currently not change - and thus, since I am aware of the vulnerability and fragility and that I can do nothing about it, I might as well embrace it - as there is no practical value in being in fear of getting hurt because of feeling vulnerable or fragile - it's not going to make any difference to my physical state in terms of suddenly becoming stronger or less fragile.

6. The singlemindedness of having one singular goal of destruction

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react in fear when I saw a virus carrying out each action as a step within a thought-out plan with the singular goal of destroying the human physical body.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear beings with a singlemindedness of having one singular goal of causing destruction or doing harm.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that I programmed this fear within myself through watching cartoons and movies as a child - where the 'bad guy' always had such a mind-set with the only goal of being 'evil' and where every action was always carefully planned and thought-out to serve in his/her masterplan of inflicting harm unto others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to categorise people into 'good guys' and 'bad guys' - where the 'good guys' always have 'good intentions' and the 'bad guys' only have bad intentions - and I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect a positive, hopeful, excited and comforting feeling to someone I have categorised as a 'good guy' and connect an experience of fear and resistance to someone I have categorised as a bad guy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try and see the world/people in black and white as how human beings were presented in cartoons and movies when I was a child - as either being 'good' or being 'evil' - instead of seeing/realising that every kind of deception exists in every single person - where with some beings some types are more prominent and more obvious than with others and where some can for instance hide any deception exceptionally well - yet, in essence each one is equally evil as each one participates in the same self-dishonesties that always include some form of harm and disregard to life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react in fear towards seeing how a virus manipulates what I perceive as 'innocent' proteins to do its bidding.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to question how the protein on some level is allowing the manipulation and simply acting according to certain impulses and 'if this then that' equations, without fully considering the totality of its actions and the implications of its actions, but accepting and allowing itself to be but a little robot, subject to impulses from its environment.

I forgive myself for not acceptng and allowing myself to see and realise that my proteins and any entities within my body can never be anything more than a robot acting upon impulses with no directive will of their own, if this is who I am - and therefore, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be and have become nothing more than a robot that has no awareness of who it is and how its actions impact on its environment and even on itself, where its actions are determined by impulses from the enviroment and how the robot has been taught/taught itself to interpret the information from the impulses, after which the actions are merely a result from 'if this then that' equations.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that within not being a self-directive being in being able to determine one's actions in consideration of what is best for all, I am abdicating my power to other beings or entities to take advantage of the spaces within myself wherein I am not directing myself in full awareness in every moment - and thus, giving them permission to become the directive principle within myself, my life and my world - and thus, if I am being taken advantage of I am merely facing my own creation as the consequence for not standing equal and one to absolute responsibility within all areas and aspects of life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think and believe that I am unable to take absolute responsibility within all areas and aspects of life and that I am just too limited, just one little human - within this imposing absolute limitation unto myself, trying to affirm and re-affirm that all I can be is a tiny insignificant piece of consciousness that just plays its role as a character in this world - all, with the hidden agenda of not having to take responsibility - because if I claim that I am unable to, I am apparently absolved of any form of responsibility, accountability and duty.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel sorry for the protein being manipulated, as though it is an innocent victim of a crime against its free will - when, in fact, the manipulation itself taking place shows that the protein has no free will to begin with and thus, the virus merely acted within the freedom that it was given through the protein's acceptance and allowance as what the protein didn't for himself direct and take responsibility for.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that as long as manipulation exists, that it is proven that free will does not exist in this world.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that it is impossible to speak of free will, if I am not even aware of every cell and entity living within, forming part of and sustaining my human physical body - as anything I would 'will' in such a context, would come from a place of limitation and thus, cannot be free.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself and my body in relation the picture of what my body looks like on the outside as the outside form/shape/colours that I perceive with my eyes or in a reflection in the mirror - instead of seeing, realising and understanding that my body is an entire universe, comprised of cells that are an entire universe each by themselves - and thus that I have never really known, understood, realised or acknowledged my human physical body for what it is, how it functions and how it exists - but have totally taken it for granted and merely lashed out on it whenever I was not satisfied with the picture, not realising that anything I see or feel within my human physical body is a consequence of my being a corrupt God of various physical universes, where I have enslaved my body to my mind, where any regard for life has been banned and thus, the universe and everything it comprises of is suffering, because its God has made a deal with the Devil.

3. The complete take-over of a cell, where 'who the cell originally was' becomes non-existent and becomes an incubator for little virus babies

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react in fear in seeing how a virus infiltrates and takes over the controls of a cell through tricking it into carrying out the orders that the virus carries within its DNA, where 'who the cell originally was' becomes non-existent and the cell becomes an incubator for little virus babies.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear a foreign entity taking over control of me to such an extent that 'who I am' no longer exists and I merely become a feeding ground for this entity.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that this is exactly what has happened within me - where the mind, as a foreign entity to my as my body has infused itself within my flesh and taken over absolute control, to the point where who I am as the body is completely non-existent and all that exists is a mind consciousness system that feeds off the energy generated by the physical body - torturing and consuming it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to - when being in a relationship, try to change the other person by attempting to impose my ideas/views/values/thoughts/beliefs unto the other being, attempting to destroy the parts of them that don't support my views/ideas/values/thoughts and beliefs, so that the other person can become a better instrument in my world to feed my own ego and self-delusions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing myself, instead of realising that who I am doesn't yet exist in the first place.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear something/someone outside of me influencing who I am and determining who I am.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define 'me' within and as the mind consciousness systems as my own fears, ideas, perceptions, definitions, beliefs, opinions, judgments - and attempt to protect this construction of mind-patterns that I accept as 'me' from any 'foreign' intervention and influence as I think/believe that if any of these fears, ideas, perceptions, definitions, beliefs, opinions, thoughts and judgments are altered or removed - that it diminishes me.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that fears, ideas, perceptions, definitions, beliefs, opinions, judgments and thoughts are themselves foreign entities and thus, are nothing that require 'my protection' - but instead my scrutiny in investigating each and every single one to dispose of everything that in some way is deceptive.

Gossiping - it's something that seems to just form part of social life -where we talk shit about people behind their backs to others. Sometimes it is used deliberately to sabotage a person's position or status, other times it seems harmless and innocent - but it's not. The Life Review 'Facing Gossip' is about a person whose life was ruined by gossip. It started out as with most people - in her teenage years - but it eventually took over her life and destroyed any chance of having any type of real and honest communication with other people.

If you're at the stage in your life where you're being 'introduced' to gossip - whether you're doing or whether you're being gossiped about, this interview is something you should listen to. If you've started gossiping yourself, the interview will show you exactly what you're in for and what chances you're taking with your life and your future. If you have any hopes within yourself to live a meaningful life, where you are fulfilled and able to connect with other people, share real and intimate moments with them - then you should reconsider gossiping about other people and the interview will explain why.

If - on the other hand, you find yourself being gossiped about - this interview will give you insight into why people gossip and how it's got nothing to do with you. So - to prevent yourself from shaping who you are in terms of what other peopl say about you - listen to this interview - it may change the further course of your life.

Gossip is never innocent and has many consequences - but we have an opportunity to educate ourselves on human behaviour so that we can take responsibility for it, for ourselves, for our lives and stop the harm that is being done through things like gossiping. Whether gossip is an acceptable part of human social life can be easily tested: you don't like being gossiped about - no one likes being gossiped about - we wouldn't want our child to come home crying because someone was gossiping about them, right? Then that's our answer.

Specific points of fear I identified in relation to watching an episode of 'Curiosity' on what happens on a cellular level when a virus attacks the human body:

1. A secret intruder/a lurking evil
2. The conning and deceiving of the body's cells
3. The complete take-over of a cell, where 'who the cell originally was' becomes non-existent and becomes an incubator for little virus babies
4. The manipulation of 'innocent' proteins
5. The ruthlessness/mercilessness in instant destruction
6. The singlemindedness of having one singular goal of destruction2. The conning and deceiving of the body's cells

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear deception in others out of fear of being placed in a position of disadvantage and inferiority.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that one of my first experiences of deception was in friendships - where I would expect a friend to stand by me, but didn't - or when a friend made a comment about me that I found to be mean/nasty - and my experience within those moments that I experienced as 'deceit', I would experience myself as powerless, betrayed, hurt, inferior, lied to, sad, ashamed, embarrassed, self-conscious and diminished.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear to be conned/deceived by others out of fear of feeling powerless, betrayed, hurt, inferior, lied to, sad, ashamed, embarrased, self-conscious and diminished.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that the reason I fear to be deceived or conned by another is only out of fear of how I would experience myself after finding out that I have been deceived - as experiencing powerless, betrayed, hurt, inferior, lied to, sad, ashamed, embarrassed, self-conscious and diminised.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live in continuous distrust of others because the possibility always exists that someone deceives/cons me - and therefore, always be 'on guard' and as though wearing an imaginative armour, where I suppress everything within myself out of fear of my own experience in case I were to be conned/deceived - so that I would apparently not be 'touched' or 'affected' by it - when actually, I am, but just suppress the experience - both to not feel it as well as to not show the other I am feeling it, because I feel/believe that if the other knows, it will make my experience ten times worse, as though I am giving the conner/deceiver what he/she wants.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that the reason why I know that I can be conned/deceived at any moment, is because I do this myself as well - where I will con/deceive others to see me in a particular way or con/deceive myself into not having to face myself or take responsibilities - even conning and deceiving in ways that I am not aware of it - the ULTIMATE CON - lol - and thus, that the only way to stop the continuous mutual fear that exists among beings in relation to each other - is to stop the deceptive nature within myself - to stop the chain reaction and feedback loop of 'con or be conned' - and stand as the point of change that can have a domino-effect on those around me by standing as an example of self-trust and thus, in turn, if each one develops their own self-trust, we may learn to trust each other.To be continued.

Dag 73: Afraid of Petrification

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be completely unaware of my physical body as I have no clue and direct experience of all the activities and existence of all the proteins, vitamins, cells, viruses, etc. that exist and move within my body.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from my physical body to such an extent that I am completely 'locked out' of any direct experience and awareness of how my body operates on a cellular level.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as a bubble/space within my mind where I experience some form of 'self-awareness' in absolute limitation - and accept this limited form of 'self-awareness' to be sufficient and all there is to be aware of.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to attempt to develop awareness of my body through knowledge - not realising that knowledge is merely information in my mind and has nothing to do with direct seeing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that it is impossible to be aware of every cell of my human body.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to confuse awareness with thoughts - thinking/believing that to be aware of each and every cell and each and every lifeform within each cell means that I would have millions of thoughts in relation to every cell and lifeform within my body - and then think that this would be too overwhelming and therefore, give up on expanding my self-awareness based on a thought.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear war breaking out from the moment I found out about wars in the past.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to - as soon as I imagined a war breaking out and me experiencing it - project an image of chaos, destruction, sceams, soldiers, gunfire, explosions and an experience of absolute petrification.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see and realise that I fear war because I connect war to fear/petrification and thus - I fear war because I fear fear.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear petrification and fear.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that someone may secretly intrude into my house or my room.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear a lurking evil - because I imagine that the moment I become aware of the evil, I will react in intense fear/petrification - and thus, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear a lurking evil because I fear my own fear.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see/realise that I am afraid of my own experience.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that evil lurks within and as who I am in every single secret thought of dishonesty that dishonours life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be a lurking evil amongst other lifeforms for as long as I am not 100% trustworthy to act in accordance to what is best for all in every single moment.