When you hear the word “sociopath” what do you think of? You probably think of mass murderers, killers, those that live only to destroy.

Well, kick that out of your head.

There are definitions of sociopaths, which can have a variety of meaning. Here are the blunt characteristics:

Manipulative and Cunning
They never recognize the rights of others and see their self-serving behaviors as permissible. They appear to be charming, yet are covertly hostile and domineering, seeing their victim as merely an instrument to be used. They may dominate and humiliate their victims.

Pathological Lying
Has no problem lying coolly and easily and it is almost impossible for them to be truthful on a consistent basis. Can create, and get caught up in, a complex belief about their own powers and abilities. Extremely convincing and even able to pass lie detector tests.

Shallow Emotions
When they show what seems to be warmth, joy, love and compassion it is more feigned than experienced and serves an ulterior motive. Outraged by insignificant matters, yet remaining unmoved and cold by what would upset a normal person. Since they are not genuine, neither are their promises.

Lack of Realistic Life Plan/Parasitic Lifestyle
Tends to move around a lot or makes all encompassing promises for the future, poor work ethic but exploits others effectively.

Irresponsibility/Unreliability
Not concerned about wrecking others’ lives and dreams. Oblivious or indifferent to the devastation they cause. Does not accept blame themselves, but blames others, even for acts they obviously committed.

Callousness/Lack of Empathy
Unable to empathize with the pain of their victims, having only contempt for others’ feelings of distress and readily taking advantage of them.

Sounds horrible right? Sounds like whoever this person is, they need to be told how bad they are and try to change them, right? Well, I have these attributes and several others. I have been told by several therapists (after getting caught in my sociopathic plans) that I am a sociopath. I struggled with it for about a day (I knew it was true before I was diagnosed), and then the “guilt” turned into pride. I became proud in the fact I knew how to control people, how to get them to do what I want and that they will do it willingly even when it puts them in pain or danger.

I have done these things since I was little, and the only thing that has changed is my ability to judge people, know what I can use to control them, and how to not get “caught”. I started out not using people, but being the leader of the pack of kids I hung out with.

My group of friends I have controlled since elementary school (me far right)

I always drifted towards the outcasts even though I fit in with most of the kids. I made friends with those that had very little, because I got this anger inside me when I didn’t have complete control of my friends. When a friend of mine, Shannon, started to be uncontrollable, I quickly turned my friends against her.

I used what I knew about her to not only isolate her, but then compel her to come back to me and sit at my pedestal. I methodically planned what I would say to certain friends (based on what I knew would trigger them) and waited until the right times to say them. I know this seems very basic, but this is when I am in 4th grade. I always was the bad influence. My group of friends was always in trouble for things I cooked up, but I was never in that group that went to the office. I knew what was going to happen, and made sure others took the fall and covered my tracks well.

Anyway, as I grew older I became more aware of what the world had to offer and just how far I could get people to twist for me. I have convinced friends (and “friends” is what I am going to call what others call “victims”) to commit harm to either themselves or others, even going as far as to get them to commit felonies for me. When I was 11, there was a boy that was infatuated with me and I knew he would do anything for me. I decided to test this, see how far someone would go for me. I got bored with him after I convinced him (easily) to carve my name into his arm. Even now, while writing this, I can see readers booing, but this is being written for those that are truly interested in the mind of people like me, not for those that are seeking to judge.

This blog is going to follow my life experiences and new challenges I find. I will include stories from my past as well, as I believe they show how deeply rooted these acts are within me.