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Monday, April 19, 2010

Raspberry Beer

Growing up LDS I was taught the Word of Wisdom. For those of you unfamiliar, the Word of Wisdom was a revelation given to the prophet Joseph Smith regarding our health. It counsels us to eat healthy foods and whatnot, but the Church is more concerned with the things it specifically bans: alcohol, tobacco, tea, coffee, and drugs (the last three came from later revelations). About alcohol, the revelation reads, "That inasmuch as any man drinketh wine or strong drink among you, behold it is not good, neither meet in the sight of your Father...and again, strong drinks are not for the belly" (Doctrine and Covenants 89:5,7)

Well, to be completely honest, my feelings on the Word of Wisdom as a true revelation from God have changed quite a bit over the years. I don't believe a beer or two will keep someone out of Heaven. Without feeling the pressure of eternal damnation if a drop of alcohol touches my lips, I have felt much more free to try things I've never tried before. But what I was not counting on, was how horribly disgusting alcohol is!

I know many of you are shocked right now! Yet it's so true! I've had a sip of Brian's Heineken, a sip of some white wine at Gay Pride, some ghastly concoction at a Halloween Party and every single time I've had to wash the taste out of my mouth with water. It's disgusting! I hate the way alcohol smells when lifting the glass to my mouth, I hate the feeling of it down my throat, and I absolutely hate the taste! To me, it is akin to cough medicine. As a kid I would have to swallow water immediately after in hopes to get rid of the horrible taste, which never seemed to work. Nine times out of ten I'd throw up and have to drink more horrible medicine.

Last night our friend Tori came over and brought some Wassatch Beers Raspberry Wheat Beer for us all to try. We were all in a good mood and I thought, "What the heck? I'll try some!" Big mistake. As promising as raspberry seemed, it did nothing to hide the fact that it tasted like beer. I drank maybe two sips of my bottle, before getting a glass of water. Watching everyone else enjoying their beverage made me realize that drinking is just one of those things that I will never understand. Like the allure of sporting events or why anybody would wear Crocs, the love of alcohol is just something that I will never comprehend as long as I live.

But I think I understand Joseph Smith a little bit more. When he said, "behold it is not good" or "not for the belly" he wasn't implying that it was evil. He was simply saying, "Hey, alcohol is quite disgusting and will make your tummy hurt. Seriously guys, it's gross."

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Who is Joaquin?

My real name is Jack. Joaquin the Chihuahua is sort of my blogging alter-ego. I'm just a goofy-looking guy in my (late) 20s, married to the man of my dreams, working at a jewelry store, and trying to find a job where I can use my English Degree. I hope you enjoy reading my blog. And if not, it's no skin off my nose. Go read something else then.

What's New with Joaquin?

I've completed my last semester at UVU! My BA in English should arrive in the mail any day and I couldn't be happier. I've also started an internship with Wallaroo Media in downtown Provo learning content writing and social media. I'm also trying to start up a queer literary journal in Utah called Peculiar with a friend.