Katy Perry talks about Russell Brand in topless 'Esquire'

We know, you're already crying on the inside that Katy Perry is marrying Russell Brand, but at least you have pics from the August issue of Esquire U.K., which features Perry topless on the cover (watch video of it above). Oh yeah, there's an interview, too. Too bad she wastes it talking about the head case she's engaged to.

"He used to basically be a professional prostitute -- now he's not," Perry says about her betrothed. "So he's an extremist which can be both good and bad. I always needed someone stronger than me. And I am, like, a f---ing strong elephant of a women."

She'd have to be, since he apparently said the two should do the deed right after meeting on the set of Get Him to the Greek. She didn't take kindly to that.

"I was 25, 30 feet away from him. And I threw the bottle straight at him: hit him smack dab on the head," she says. That makes us happy. "Can you imagine the horrible feeling he had, when he was used to getting everything he wanted? I was like, 'You've met your match, motherf---er.' A week later we went on vacation in Thailand." Aw, that doesn't.

She also has a great anecdote about smoking out with Snoop Dogg. Wonder if that's going to be in his episode of Glee.

"I was scared for my life to get off the hookah," Perry says. "Everyone else is smoking everything else. I was saying to myself, 'If that sh*t still gets Snoop high, if I breathe it in I will die. I will be on a permanent balloon.' I was like, 'Hold on to the hookah.'"

Hold on to the hookah, indeed. Or try to find a special subscriber-only issue of Esquire U.K., which features Katy's cover without all that pesky writing.

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Here's the latest celebrity gossip and news about actors on drugs, pop stars having babies, Hollywood stars getting married and celebrity deaths. Compiled by Lydia Harvey and the folks at tbt*, Tampa Bay's free daily newspaper, it pokes fun at celebrity gossip and those who worship it. And don't forget the amazing YouTube clips that find their way into the Juice.