“We are not enemies from opposite coasts twisting our fingers beefing violently. We were not strangers summoned by executives to perform shitty songs in shiny outfits. We can’t promise panties will not get in a bunch, that you will find true love, or ever feel great after porn surfing. However, we can guarantee consistent public displays of awesomeness, an indestructible appreciation for our fans, and an ego that won’t grow with success.”