Comments on ....the world's leading....:

Funny how so many people like to have a rant about mobile phones but everyone has one. Ultimately to get things such as sex, alcohol etc mobile phones play a significant role. It's a lot easier to 'hook up' or meet up with mates with the convenience of moby. How about we stop whingeing and just accept mobiles are here to stay.

1) Research is pants. But agency bosses wheeled into important planning meetings can think of nothing else. Yawnsome.

2) Mobile phones are becoming increasingly pants. Yeah I wanna text when I need to, but don't phone me, like, ever. If I am not at my desk or at home I am probably busy. Old fashioned thinking perhaps, but I can assure you 90% of "PR EMERGENCIES" screamed into my mobile when I am busy are tripe.

3) Other people's mobile phones are even worse... last night when walking swiftly, keen not to be late I practically tripped over no less than 5 people, meandering around the pavement either texting or chatting. ITS RUSH HOUR PEOPLE... YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO RUSH!

As we all know, an indepedent survey can confirm, refute, highlight or downplay anything you want it to. Vic Reeves is often credited with the quote that 87.5 % of statistics are made up on the spot. You can quote A. Nonymous with the quote that "Any press release quoting independent research on behalf of a commercial organisation is complete and utter bullshit."

So why does the media continue to cover these polls, surveys and studies even though the findings are so spurious? Because Joe Public has been weaned on Big Brother, X-Factor, 100 Best Celeb Moments etc, shit for the past 10 years and doesn't give a fuck about whether a story is based on hard evidence or fact.

And while this sun still shines on the simpletons, PR agencies - such as the one that did the Carphone Warehouse research - will continue to make hay. And as I work for one of em, long may it continue.

Britain's Got Talent? Roll on the second series, 100 Best Celebrity Cancers? Commission it now, So You Wanna Be The Next George Michael? I'll be on Clapham Common with a bifter in my hand quicker than you can say "Careless Whisper"