Mostly event announcements, news, and bicycle related activist opinions... Download Critical Mass flyers and posters, or upload your own Email vancouvercm~AT~gmail~DOT~com for a posting password Yes, we ride the last Friday of every month!

29.5.08

Pirate Critical Mass Ride

Pass the word...

Shiver me timbers, t'Pirate Critical Mass is upon us once again!

'Tis Bike Month a comin' an' to kick off ta month we good pirates be ridin' the streets O'Vancouver!

Ye Friday, the thirtieth day of May -- as we here know it to be the last Friday of t'month -- 'tis it. So then it shall be a Pirate Critical Mass. Ridin' for one and all to join in or walk t'plank!

Arrrr!

We be a meetin' at t'Vancouver Art Gallery, downtown, between the mighty lions and where t'water spills from t'earth on the Georgia Street side. We shall parley there around 5:00 to 5:30 p.m., Pacific seaboard time. But I reckon we won't be leavin' until six that eve, when we be liberatin' the sea of streets and bridges from th' curse of th' lily-liver'd, steel armour'd mot'riz'd ships that sail her. No quarter! As our bounty o'safe an comfortable cyclin' takes to the high streets. Yaaarrrr!!!

I reckon ther'll be tallbikes, an' puny bikes, an eberytin' in betwe'en. So come as ye will! Festooned in pirate gear for all to see! Corsairs, privateers and buccaneers welcome, but be on the lookout for our mortal enemies -- the landlubbin' ninjas -- as if they be among us, there be trouble! Bring flute or drum or any noisey thin' you can muster t'inspire the imaginatin'. Not just ye bicycles but all those who sail under their own wind are welcome aboard -- be that skateboards, wheelchairs, rollerskates, or as it'may. We set out rain or shine -- so ye best come prepaaared!

After th' ride there be a Pirate show for all t' see. Startin' eight thirty in the eve, pillagin' an plunderin' late onto ta night, at the club they coll ANZA, three 8th ave in the West, where the Ontario Bike Route meets the 8th.

Aye! An elp'us spread the good word by leafletting or postern' in your neck o'th woods!Posters an' 1/4 page leaflets can be printed from 'ere:

Friday - Pirate Party after CM -

This month it is the Bike To Work week after party and a Free Geek Fundraiser.

hope ta see ya there

*Aaar! Heyho! Them black storm clouds have parted and the seas of asphalt are looking mighty slick for sailin. In high tradition, this coming Critical Mass (starting at the VAG at 6pm, Friday May 30) will be rolling with seafaring cyclists, one-eyed and peg legged pedalers, big bicycle booty, and bird fights between parrots and fine maidens. Oi! X marks the after party -- *Velofusion* will be a fantasy deserted Anza island of Free Geeks, Bike to Work lovers, sexy sailors, that pirate stomping dance floor, Mexican wrestlers, circus strays and cold, foamy pints. There'll be little left of y'all for them bone pickin gulls when we turn you onto the dark decks after this party. Come in costume, of course, mates.

Pirate Crrrtical Massst!

Avast me hearties, for 'tis once agin de Mayflower Grrrtical Mast Ride and Roll on the High Seas. Friyday, the 9 and 20 of Mayflower. Meet at the Scurvey Captain Vancouver Arte Gallery Downtown (on dry land). We set sail at 6 boney hours past Noontyme. If the wind be for us or agunst us; nomatter. Butchu best be earlie for the ragtag crew gathers half of one hour before them to conspire about the downfall of the American Automobile Fleets. We will send them to Davey Suzuki's Locker!history

The public space we will publicize, the Private Space we shall loot. Copy this ride the world over, the bicycles are taking over! Not just bicycles, but all pedestrian modes of transport including the skates on feet or skates on planks. Wheel chairs and pedalling couches {Yo, Ho HO!}. All are invited that will humbly submit to report for on the deck duty, reclaim the streets and ride the pARRty!

The Beat of Frances Street

This important documentary has recently been put online. Squatting is similar to Critical Mass in that it is a way of reclaiming/redeeming space that is privately controlled and making it public. Both these movements face obstacles such as legal nonsense. But mostly the obstacle is in our own minds as we leap away from that fearful private hostile attitude towards the open reality we actually share.

The first half of this 1990 video contains footage of everyday life at the Frances Street Squats and presents responses to the question "why do you squat?" by fourteen residents. The second half of the film focuses on internal arguments over the use of barricades against the imminent police assault and documentation of the assault itself (including commercial news footage) and community responses.

2.5.08

Wow, leave it to The Onion to finger the pulse of America. Walking is a privilege, driving on subsidised roads with subsidised oil in subsidised cars is a right --- eh? While officials may be more polite than this I can't help reading this on most street signs - even the futile green "bike route" signs.

WASHINGTON—In an attempt to address rising pedestrian deaths, the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration launched a new educational outreach program Monday to encourage people to "Get The Fuck Outta The Road."

The new billboards stress the importance of not being an unbelievable asshole, and paying attention.

The program began in selected cities this month with the distribution of pamphlets at each city's most dangerous intersections. It will also expand into national radio spots, televised PSAs, and, most importantly, word-of-mouth. Included in the pamphlets are tips on how every responsible pedestrian can learn to "Get The Fuck Outta The Road," including "Move your ass!" and "Look where you're fucking going for once!" as well as an instructive diagram for removing one's head from one's ass prior to stepping into the crosswalk.

NHTSA officials say they hope the program will eventually branch out to include elementary schools with the child-friendly program "Hey Kids, Get The Fuck Outta The Road!" which will feature a mascot called Tire-Tread Teddy.

"Our studies show that a large majority of accidents were caused by a direct failure of the pedestrian to not step right in front of a goddamned bus," program director Drew Dawson said during a press conference to announce the NHTSA's new website, MoveItOrLoseItAsshole.com. "We designed this program to be an easy-to-understand informational tool that will hopefully get these geniuses to pay some fucking attention."

"We're already planning a follow-up campaign to keep our message fresh," Dawson added. "By the third time you tell a pedestrian to get outta the road, they're already on their fucking cell phone again."

The NHTSA has also launched a number of complementary subprograms using funding from the National Truck Drivers Union and Greyhound Bus Lines. These include "Oh, Good, Just Ride Your Bike Down The Middle Of The Road Why Don't You," "Ever Heard Of A Crosswalk, Dickhead?" and, for more affluent metropolitan neighborhoods, "What The Fuck—Are You Listening To Your Special Getting-Hit-By-A-Car Mix On That iPod, You Vacant Asshole?"

The new program has already shown positive results. A test study in downtown Chicago was found to be nearly twice as effective in preventing pedestrian casualties as the NHTSA's previous "Have A Safer Journey" program. Likewise, early trials the family-oriented, "You Must Be Thinking, 'Hey, I Bet My Kids Are Playing In The Driveway, So I Think I'll Go Back My SUV Out Of The Garage Without Even Fucking Looking And Pulp Them Into A Steaming Red Mess,'" have been similarly successful.

Pedestrians who have been exposed to the NHTSA's innovative approach have reportedly received the message loud and clear, with many crediting the ad campaign with reminded them of the importance of being vigilant and responsible pedestrians.

"Cram it up your ass, I'm walking here," said Robert Catalonis, a D.C. native. "I'm an asshole? You're the asshole."

Although the long-term efficacy of the program remains to be seen, Dawson said there was a very real chance that the average pedestrian is "just too fucking ignorant" to learn anything from the NHTSA campaign.

To that end, he admitted that the agency had already begun work on a contingency plan in the event that the current program fails. While Dawson would not disclose many details, he said the backup program, called "Actually, Come To Think Of It, Just Go Ahead And Die, Fuckhead. See If The NHTSA Gives A Shit" would be a series of highway billboards.