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You know it’s your twentieth birthday when you wake up and look in the mirror and think, yep. This is the best it’s gonna get. Ten years ago, I was a greasy, acne riddled ten year old who’s only possible trajectory was up. Whatever. At least next year I can buy booze. I feel like … Continue reading Next Year I Can Buy Booze

Dear small me, I generally avoid giving advice – I usually manage to spill coffee on myself on a weekly basis, and sometimes I forget to look before I cross the street. But I’ve made it this far, and, seeing as I’m about to turn twenty, I’m going to give you, young me, some advice … Continue reading An Open Letter to My Younger Self

The other day, I went to a party. Okay, you got me, a small gathering of like ten people. And there were a few new people there, much to my displeasure, (I mean pleasure) and the host took it upon himself to introduce everyone. He rattled off names and token fixtures of each guest’s … Continue reading The Old Lady that Lives in my Brain

It’s Facebook official: I am the most awkward person in human history. I have few talents, but I’d have to say that making people generally uncomfortable in my presence is my specialty. What, you ask, has spurred from within me this God-ordained proclamation? Yet another social interaction in which I made everything awkward and terrible. … Continue reading It’s Facebook Official

I have something to admit, and I think it might surprise you: Apparently, I have a bit of an attitude problem. Go ahead and take all the time you need to recover from the shock. A few weeks ago, I was sitting with my besties, watching horror movies on Netflix that were rated beneath two … Continue reading I have a confession to make…

Dreams are tricky things. Things we can safely say no one really understands. Once our eyes shoot open, all is lost. We’re not left with much, other than sand in the corners of our eyes, and a few images projecting themselves in our mind’s eye one last time, with the flickering quality of a hand-crank … Continue reading The Exhaust of Dreams

About six months ago, I went through an especially painful breakup with Netflix. I swore my ex off, lamenting all the time I lost in my less-than rewarding relationship. In short, I wanted my productivity back. The result? At first, it wasn’t revolutionary. I spent much of the time I would’ve spent binge-watching shows scrolling … Continue reading My Imaginary Pigeon

Indecision was tearing through my core. I was standing in the home goods section of the department store, face to face with every shower curtain design known to mankind. I licked my lips and stared vacantly, unable to register the sheer amount of bathroom décor before my own eyes. “We don’t have all day,” … Continue reading Why I, an Adult, Have a Ducky Shower Curtain

Last night, the clouds vomited some freezing rain, and now it’s been reduced to a slushy, white residue mixed with salt that leaves a mess at your front door. It’s so overcast that the sky doesn’t appear to be cloudy at all. It just looks like one solid layer of gray. If one of Harry … Continue reading Sinuses, Syllabi, and Sluggish First Days

The place where I live is covered in old snow. Snow that’s been cleared off the streets, snow that’s been long since deposited on the curb. And the air has taken to mingling with fierce winds and negative numbers. The nights are a little brighter, though: not everyone has gotten around to unplugging their Christmas … Continue reading La Dolce Far Niente