Naked City in the Sticks

I’ve resisted posting a blog entry about this incident a couple of days now. Felt I needed to allow it to settle in my mind enough to think calmly and clearly about it.

I’ve explained before that the nearest property line is almost 1/4 mile away from here. No line-of-sight to the nearest dwellings. Woods, rough roads and rough country between here and the nearest neighbor. Aside from Gale, no reason whatever for anyone to be anywhere near here, and Gale rarely comes, never without honking his horn at the top of the hill. [That bluelike speck right-of-center in the pic is the roof of the cabin. The barely-visible white loop’s the turnaround.]

Sooooo. A couple of days ago I’d just finished my afternoon solar shower, poured a couple of gallons of water over my head for a soapdown shampoo and rinse out in the driveway. Went inside to towel off and stepped back outdoors onto the porch to let the sun finish things off.

“DAMMITTOHELLSHIT!”

A cammie 4-wheeler with two people aboard was creeping by about 30 feet from the porch. I jumped back inside to throw on some trousers and by the time I got back outside it was gone. Not a sign of whomever I was wanting to throw rocks at and shout lectures about respecting property lines and the not-to-be-aspired-to human trait of nosy intrusion.

Because that 4 wheeler wasn’t coming down the driveway. It came from the direction of the chicken house. Nothing in that direction for another quarter-mile to the north property boundary fence.

Even though that new neighbor’s got 90-odd acres for himself and his family to fart around on knocking down trees and blasting away with every caliber firearm ever invented, 90 acres just isn’t big enough when a man’s richer than 18 inches up a bull’s ass. Got rich early enough to get thinking he could run over everyone in reach, bluff whomever he couldn’t buy outright.

When he was coming down here trying to get me to go on wages working for him I had a vague suspicion this was the kind of thing he had in mind, ultimately. Getting a leverage in place so’s he could do anything he pleased. He’d already described every property and house within sight of here in enough detail to suggest he’d explored already what was none of his business. Described it without blushing, as though it was a given.

Sometime during those visits he was making down here I asked permission to haul water from his well up beside the driveway, and he’d given permission. His water’s nearer than Gale’s from here, and the road’s better. I’d done it once already.

But after this incident I’ll be going back to hauling water from Gale’s. And the only thing I’ve got to say to him about what happened the other day:

“Stay the hell away from this part of Gale’s property and keep the kids and grandkids away from it when they’re visiting. One of the rare positive stereotypes about Texans is that they respect property lines. Where the hell did you grow up?”

Rebecca Trotter: Different strokes, I reckons. I skinny dipped in my day, but nobody even paid admission even then for a view. Nowadays most would pay not to see what I’d have to show. So maybe you’re right in that sense. Gracias, J

Jules, I’m so sorry when people finally get to the country – they lose any brains they may have had before. I suggest you do what I plan to if anyone is dumb enough to cross my fence and walk a quarter mile uninvited. I’ll approach them immediately with my 38 and naked butt. If they aren’t shocked by one, they will be the other. You have to get their attention to make the rules clearly memorable!

Texasjune: Thanks for coming by for a read. I doubt this guy ever had any brains aside from the brains it takes to make a lot of money in business. Which, I suppose, probably has some value among the folks who value such talents. If he has any friends. I don’t know who was on that 4 wheeler, but it mightn’t have been two adults, mightn’t even have been an adult and a kid. Whatever I might do where adults are involved, I try not to even use objectionable language with youngsters. Sure as hell don’t expose my privates to them. Gacias, J

DizzyDick: It was idling along and I’m hard of hearing. Caught me completely unawares. And I’m not into pointing firearms at people unless I intend to shoot them, which isn’t one of the stereotypes I share with Texans. I require enough provocation to give them the first, and probably killing shot. Less trouble that way. Jules

Hi Jules,
I’ve always believed that Americans always respect the property of others and don’t trespass, especially as the could lead to “lead poisoning”. 😉 Strange to hear that there are some who don’t.
Take care, and have a good one,
Pit

Hi Pit: I’d never heard that about Americans, but I’d heard it about Texans. I’ve already shot all the large mammals I need to this lifetime. Not planning to change that side of things if I can manage it. Thanks for the visit. Gracias, J

I hope you do get to tell him to his face, never mind expecting him to read your blog. Either way, I doubt he’ll get the message, though. As you said it, he probably ‘got rich early enough to get thinking he could run over everyone in reach.’ Good luck anyways

Hi colltales: My hope is that I’ll have seen the last of him with this. If I were to go up there knocking on his door I’d probably get dog bitten or the situation would otherwise complicate itself. If he doesn’t get the message I reckons it will mean he visits, in which case I’ll say it face-to-face. The man isn’t stupid. Not even a particularly bad person as nearly as I can tell. Just someone who never learned manners, learned a manipulative quid-pro-quo method of interacting with people instead of the alternatives. I honestly feel sorry for the guy. Within the bounds of wanting him to stay-the-hell off my toes. Thanks for the read. Jules

I like Rebecca’s suggestion. I had someone knock on my door in the middle of the night. I answered it naked. When you don’t have a rifle, you show them your gun — amazing how effective such behavior is at keeping unwanted neighbors away. Go for it!

Know how you feel. Used to have the same problem with just 6 acres in town with obvious driveway, not street. People would drive in and even through my brother-in-laws as the driveway circled. Trespassers on foot were common. Only took offensive action with those stupid enough to be shooting on my property. They came face to face with a rifle aimed at their heart. Explaining how the police would remove their body in a bag seamed to make sense to the culprit. Finally managed to fence the place after years of four wheelers up the backside even though the guy knew it was my property. He even had the audacity to threaten me with a law suit if his kids or horses got injured on the barbed wire. Let him know adult children were responsible for their actions and horses aren’t stupid enough to deliberately run into fences on hills they could barely stand on. Haven’t heard nor seen hide or hair of him since. Blessings. (maybe that is why the family thinks of me as a badger?)

Welcome

I’m sharing it with you because there’s almost no likelihood you’ll believe it. This lunatic asylum I call my life has so many unexpected twists and turns I won’t even try to guess where it’s going. I’d suggest you try to find some laughs here. You won’t find wisdom. Good luck.