Transitions: Patti & Julia's story

View full sizeAnn Foster, The Patriot-NewsJulia and Patti walk to their car after receiving their marriage certificate at the Dauphin County Courthouse in September 2009.Two women can’t legally marry in Pennsylvania. But Patti Wallech and Julia Martin Wallech did.

Julia, in a pencil skirt and size 11 black pumps, carried a Pennsylvania driver’s license that said she’s a man. “Legally, on paper, we are male and we are female,” Patti said while the two waited in the Dauphin County Courthouse last fall to see whether they would be approved for a marriage license.

Julia was born Vaughn Martin and takes female hormones. She has no plans for gender reassignment surgery, but identifies herself as female, she said. Julia is a collection representative at the Pennsylvania Higher Education Assistance Agency.

Patti was born a biological girl and grew up in Hagerstown, Md., in a “white bread, middle American family” that loves Julia, but doesn’t know she’s transsexual. Patti is a temp worker.

They were both bookworms and foodies. They corresponded two months, but had never met face to face before Julia moved across the country to live with Patti.

Julia knew she loved Patti within a week of the initial correspondence because of Patti’s “total and unwavering acceptance of who and what I am,” Julia said. Before meeting Patti, everyone Julia dated seemed to have an agenda, viewing her as something exotic, she said.

Patti had dated women before, but not transsexuals, she said. “I was interested in finding the person. I didn’t care male. I didn’t care female. I didn’t care,” Patti said.

“I was more interested in someone with that intellectual interest, world interest,” said Patti. “In the circles I travel in, people are not reading Ayn Rand.”

The two were drawn to each other, they said.

Last fall when they traveled to the courthouse for their marriage license, Julia, 43, and Patti, 39, were conspicuous, two tall women arm in arm.

A clerk told Julia and Patti they wouldn’t be able to marry based on the assumption they were two women, then called an attorney to make sure she gave the right answers. “You don’t do this without expecting a question,” Patti said.

Thomas Gacki, solicitor to the Dauphin County Register of Wills, said the county follows Pennsylvania law, “which requires the marriage be between a man and a woman. It doesn’t matter if somebody has the physical appearance of a woman as long as they are biologically a man.

“We look at a driver’s license just to establish identity,” said Gacki. “This was the first time we had somebody whose appearance was so female. So we had to check.”

Julia didn’t mind the scrutiny her female appearance produced. “Thank you. That was a nice compliment.” Afterward, Patti said, “To their credit, no one made us feel out of place.”

The wedding day

On their Oct. 26 wedding day, both women anticipated the ceremony.

“I’m nervous. It’s a big day to me,” Julia said. Marriage means health benefits, the ability to visit one another in the hospital and a host of other rights.

Patti felt nervous, too, she said. “I want it to be nice for her. I want her to be satisfied and fulfilled with it.”

When District Judge Jayne Duncan entered the chambers, she looked at the two tall women and asked, “How’d you guys get in?”

“I’m genetically male,” Julia said.

“Cool,” Duncan said, explaining that she didn’t want to make them uncomfortable, but she needed to follow the laws of the state.

In the midst of the ceremony, Duncan stopped the proceedings, making Julia spit out her gum before Duncan would proceed.

During the vows, Julia — in heels, a black skirt and a gold twin set — held hands with Patti — in clogs, black slacks and a sweater. At the end, a small kiss, a big hug and discussion about how Julia would go about getting a new Social Security card to change her last name.

Finding a lifeline

Julia grew up in Illinois and a small farming community in Colorado, she said. At about age 4, she realized she was different. She was raised by her adopted mother and grandmother “in a right-wing evangelical community,” but her mother, a teacher, was not narrow minded, Julia said. “I had dolls. I also played outside with GI Joe.”

As she approached adolescence, Julia felt increased angst about having to pretend to be someone else, she said. Her female cousins gave her pills. “I started taking birth control pills at 13,” Julia said. “I started to develop very quickly. By the age of 14 I developed a chest.” She bound her chest and no one knew until she got pneumonia.

“Mom put me in a mental hospital,” she said. The diagnosis was gender identity disorder.

Julia continued to struggle with who she was and what she wanted.

“Early 2007 became very dark days,” she said. “I bought a 38-caliber revolver, put my affairs in order, wrote a note, gave away a lot of my belongings. I was so alone and just afraid. ... My reality was day after day of darkness.”

After hours of weeping she put the gun away and reevaluated her life, finding an online support group that served as a lifeline.

Patti had other transgender friends before meeting Julia. “They can’t function in their current gender status. They don’t function in the other gender status. They can’t function where they’re comfortable,” she said.

Julia has no plans for gender reassignment surgery, she said. “Once I transitioned socially, the desire evaporated,” she said. “It doesn’t appeal to me. I have a friend who went through it months ago, and she’s still in pain ... lots and lots of pain.”

To Patti, it doesn’t really matter. “I don’t care,” Patti said. Society makes it a matter of concern, she said. “It puzzles me that it’s of interest to anyone on this planet. Why do I care about what anyone does in their bedroom with someone they love?”