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Tracing a Life No 4‘I can only know that much of myself which I have had the courage to confide in someone else.’

x

It’s Sunday afternoon. I’m squatting on a stool in front of the TV in our family room. I can hear Mummy putting dishes away in the kitchen. Granny is sitting on the sofa, knitting needles quietly clicking away. Daddy is dozing, his face hidden under pages of the Sunday Telegraph. This is how we always spend Sunday afternoon, recovering from our big meal of the week, the Sunday Roast. The cricket, or football, has finished on the TV. I’m waiting expectantly for The Six Five Special (equivalent to American Grandstand).

Between the sports and the music is a news bulletin. The final item is one of those feel good shorties. It is about some philanthropist making a generous financial donation to a good cause. I forget the details, but I feel moved, touched by their generosity. A spark flies from my heart to my pelvis. Where I am sitting on the stool takes fire. An energy charge pulls in my muscles. And relaxes them. Sending successive surges of energy into my thighs and down my calves.

What is it with this stool? I wonder.

I look up at my grandmother; she’s knitting. I turn towards Daddy; he’s snoring under his paper. They haven’t noticed a thing. I decide not to ask them about what’s happened. It seems a little weird.

My first conscious erotic feelings had nothing to do with sex. Looking back I can see that I was already in far out of my depths, but I had no idea what I was getting into.

Mine was in the bath, maybe 5. I had some boats I used to play with and I realised I could make a lighthouse, but it all felt rather tingly. There was a total innocence about "making lighthouses" but it did warn my boats about the shallows around my tummy and thighs.

warm xx

waggypolly replies on 9/9/2006 2:27 am:Lighthouses. LOL. I like that one!

I was watching Sheena, Queen of the Jungleon tv, and they'd tied her up to the stake and were about to set fire to the stuff at her feet. I remember thinking, briefly, that they might take her clothes off before they lit the fire, and bingo.....

my first boner..... must have been early sixties or so.....

waggypolly replies on 9/9/2006 6:35 pm:At least you managed to squeeze a sexual thought into the scenario.

i just remember these rediculous out of no where paralising erections at school.... and praying we wouldn't be asked to stand befor they were gone.... i was always getting in trouble for anitiating cunnalingus with girls my age ... 6 i think . a natural progression from drs and nurses... once after monique barnfield had given me up to her grand parents who might i ad had always encouraged our love .. it was touch and go as to wether my sisters were allowed to take me to see a pantomime .. the owl and the pussycat.... i was finally allowed .. it was great..

waggypolly replies on 9/14/2006 2:55 am:I remember being a teacher in an all boys school. It was fun telling them to stand up.

I can't remember my first erotic feelings .... But ... Now this might sound silly !! .. (I might have told you this privately) .. When I was very young . a male friend of mine and I would play games where we would imagine that Lions or Sharks were chasing us !! .. Eventually I would get 'eaten' by one of them . and I can remember having erotic feelings about that !! .. Refer back to my profile page for the meaning of my handle 'ILSGICEMRU' or go to my "ILSGICEMRU" post for some of my thoughts about being eaten and how it relates to wanting to be wanted or loved !!

Less than 10 years ago when I started to become 'conscious' again .. I noticed that whenever I would help someone in my job . I would feel a slight 'twinge' and a little erection !! .. I thought that I was really a "pervert" for getting aroused when just being nice to someone !! .. After joining this site and starting to explore my sexuality . I discovered that I would get those 'twinges' quite often when someone expressed genuine caring for me ... And especially when I expressed genuine caring for someone else !!

Great series here Polly ... This is one of the reasons that I call you my 'Blogging Mentor' !!! .. I learn from you and then I learn from myself !!!

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