Ok so my bio father has been in and out of my life and is about 85% certian he wont make the wedding, but hes gonna try reeeeeallly hard. My step dad (him and mom was married about 8 years still in my life) he will be there and my mom boyfriend (been together 10 years). My mom is demanding I have her boyfriend dance with me (if my dad dosent show up) because step-dad has 2 daughters and boyfriend has no kids and should be able to expirence that moment. While i feel for boyfriend i dont think its fair to pass over step dad because he has daughters. Even if my dad shows up we have had some major issues in the past and dont talk a whole lot now.

This is literally the exact situation my sister was in two years ago! Although her dad was always planning on going to the wedding. My dad (her step dad) married our mom when she was 5, and really was the one that raised her and was always there in her life. Only a year or so before her wedding mom started dating someone new, and tried to make him an important part of the wedding (which my sister absolutely did not agree with). My sister chose to have my dad (her step dad) walk her halfway down the aisle, and let me tell you he was THRILLED and so honored to be a part of it! Half way down the aisle, her step dad gave her to her bio dad and he walked her up to the groom!

During the reception, my sister did an announced dance with her bio dad in the beginning. But later in the night had the DJ announce that she wanted to dance with her step dad as he has been such an important part of her life also.

She never did anything for mom’s new bf, because he never had anything to do with raising her, and let’s be honest, 3 father-daughter relationships is kind of ridiculous to handle!

I think go with what you believe is right, and meaningful to you! I’m sure my sister’s bio dad was not thrilled to share the spotlight, but everyone at the wedding knew how much her step dad was there for her.

So I am in this situation right now. I decided to do the traditional father daughter dance with my step dad and asked my bio dad to do the electric slide with me because we used to do it at the girlscout father daughter dance together. I figured if he doesn’t show up, I will still get to do the dance with my step dad. He was really touched by me asking. My bio dad has yet to rsvp and our dead line is in a week…so yea. Hope that might help a little. Just remember to have fun and not let him affect your day that’s for you and your Fiance.

missmarchmommy : you talk a lot about your mom…but what do you want to do? If everyone else but your mom showed up who would you dance with? I think that is the answer. It’s not really your job to give your mother’s boyfriend that moment. It’s your mother’s boyfriend, it’s not your problem. It’s really not your job to make the boyfriend happy.

Would your mom do something similarly awkward for your boyfriend?

In 20 years your mom won’t care. Your mom might not even be with this boyfriend. You’re the only one who’s going to treasure and love your wedding photos and you’re the only one who’s going to care after 20 years. I’d encourage you to do what feels right and what you want.

You should do what you want. If that’s to skip the father-daughter dance then do it! Your Fiance can still dance with his mom if he wants (my husband didn’t want to and my mother-in-law didn’t mind skipping it).

I think it’s best that you scrap out all of the dances OR you can dance with your mom! I’ve been to weddings where the bride danced with their mom (deceased father) and I thought it was really cute! While the idea of dancing with your step-dad is an alternative, I think it’ll really hurt your dad’s feelings if you danced with your step-dad. He would feel kind of “replaced”

It sounds like of everyone your former stepfather is the biggest father figure in your life. The fact that he’s still in your life and coming to your wedding when he and your mother aren’t even together anymore shows you two have a true bond. I would dance with him or no one at all if I were in your shoes.