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life in the eyes of an empress .

journey notes

God is good eh .

Last night I was having a good talk with one of my close girlfriends Sheraine .. just one of those random check ins that turn into those amazing inspirational talks that make you appreciate the friendship all over again (I swear me and her have these kind of discussions at least once a week ha) . But we were talking about how backwards this generation is . You may not realize it but majority of us in this generation let social media define who we are . How many likes on Instagram we have on a selfie, how many followers we have on Instagram or Twitter, how many Facebook friends we have (even though I don’t know why people still use Facebook for reasons other than contacting family across the world smh), how many notes we get on a photo on Tumblr, etc. Well how this came up is we were talking about the guys I have talked to in my past, which we came to the conclusion is a lot of guys . Talking to meaning getting to know each other to potentially date … don’t get any slick ideas smh lol . Most of them are acquaintances now and we can laugh at how we met, which is usually online . Once I was introduced to Tdotwire I used that badboy as my protector and along with any other hot social media sites following it .

My self esteem was really low now that I think about it . I remember being too nervous to talk to this guy I went to school with so I found him on Tdotwire and we were good friends on there but when I would see him at school I was quiet as a mouse , smh . But anyways , these social networking sites had me on my top notch photoshop and page coding game lol . I knew how to style my VibeTO page like a BAWSE , I could put the sickest filters on my photos , all this nonsense . Once I got a hang of editing and what not, I used these sites to get validation that I was pretty or skilled . A “decent” guy private messages me, I’d give out my MSN “addy” just because I didn’t think I was cute enough to be picky and curve the message . Now I’m not saying its alright to be shallow and only give out your contact info to the cutest guy but if his message looks something like “h3y grl , waghwan . sen on da addy .. kool” , you might wanna curve that message for your own good… Basically, have some standards! YES I will curve if you don’t know how to spell properly because I’m not tryna have a future with an illiterate man.

So yeah … I was just like alright well his pics are alright, he’s not from Scarberia, he’s alright I guess . Then within a month or two I can’t stand them or they realize that I’m not gonna come to their crib to “grease”. (sweet heavenly father I can’t believe grease used to be the word to describe people having sex lol) . But yeah I would let what would happen to me online affect how I would truly feel about myself … Now don’t get me wrong, I have those days where I get totally insecure when I’ll see a girl who looks more “exotic” than me or a woman who I personally don’t think is that attractive but men will drool over her and not say anything about me, one day soon I hope I won;t have those days… yah . But in the end , not everyone is going to find you attractive and that’s cool . If I can’t love myself how can I expect someone else to do the same? There’s no sense in constantly comparing yourself to the next person because everyone has something unique that people are drawn to .

Now there’s also people who will rule you out just because of your skin tone (ex. “You would be really cute if you were darkskin” “You’re cute for a white girl” “Maybe if you were lightskin I would mess with you”) … those people in my opinion are just not worth your time and have psychological issues of their own . You can have preferences but saying that someone would be more attractive if they were another skin tone? uhh YEET!

All in all I think I have come far . Going from constantly looking to social media or men to give me the nod if I’m attractive or not rather than screaming “I woke up like disssss”, first thing in the morning, knowing that I’m flawlesssss . Some of the most confident people may not be the most beautiful but you can’t help but admire their confidence and then notice all the other important things that you like about them. I mean it’s nice when I get more than 11 likes on a selfie but if I don’t I’m glad that I’m not in a place where I’ll think ” man … I thought that selfie was bomb! I’m not a sweetie then? man I guess so”. S E L F L O VE has got to be the best love. Thank God and the people around me for whipping me in line and continuing to help me.