Here, for your amusement, is my review of episode 7. And it’s another one of
them Brooke-is-in-denial-about-her-love-for-Sam-so-she-tries-to-be-mean-to-her
and
Sam-is-totally-smitten-with-Brooke-but-for-some-reason-everybody-thinks-she-hates-the-guts-belonging-to-the-blonde
episodes.

So, as we all know or may not know, today is the day that Sam finally takes the
next step and moves in with Brooke. It’s about time. Brooke is helping Sam move
in her stuff when Sam takes a lamp from the moving company truck and carries it
towards the house. Brooke evidently thinks that the lamp is outrageously ugly
and shall not be tolerated inside the Palace. I wonder why. Sam’s going to put
that lamp on her room anyway, so it’s not like Brooke’ll be seeing it. Unless,
of course, Brooke’s planning to make very frequent visits to Sam’s room. It’s
also possible that Brooke is thinking about the long term when the two rooms
become one room.

In the Palace kitchen, Mike and Jane are having trouble deciding what goes
where. Mike, however, plans to clear up the slight friction with “a game of nude
leg wrestling”. Gosh Mike, you smooth talker you. Anyway, Brooke and Sam enter
and then freeze when they see their parents so damn close to each other. Sam
heads up to the stairs, followed by Brooke. As Sam disappears up the end of the
stairs, Mike asks his daughter if she would help Sam with the moving. Obviously
Mike has missed the fact that Brooke is currently carrying a cardboard box
filled with stuff belonging to Sam.

As we all know, the girls have to share a bathroom that is located between their
two rooms. In said bathroom there are two sinks. One sink is ‘the good sink’,
the other is ‘the bad sink’. Brooke and Sam obviously both want ‘the good sink’
so they sort of start fighting over it. Well, actually Brooke starts fighting
over it and Sam plays along because it amuses her to see Brooke acting so
passionately about something. Brooke then leaves the bathroom for her room,
where she retrieves some sticky tape and uses the tape to divide the bathroom
into tow halves. Note that the bathtub is located so that is now split in two as
well. Technically there are now two bathtubs so if Brooke wants to use her
bathtub when Sam is using hers, then that’s just going to be a coincidence,
right?
Also on a final note about this scene, Brooke has stared into Sam’s eyes so damn
often that she now knows what kind of eyes they are: “Big, brown Bambi eyes”.

Kennedy High, Principal Cecilia Hall’s office. And here I run into a small
problem. Well, two problems actually. The first one being that I don’t quite get
the mechanics of High School popularity and the second being the fact that I’m
hopelessly addicted to being Dutch and therefore don’t have a clue what the
typical American phenomenon of the “Homecoming Queen” is all about.
Anyway, as you may have guessed by now, Homecoming is approaching and Nicole
Julian has volunteered to help out with arranging the whole thing since the
cheating scandal from last week has rendered her unable to compete for the
crown. It would seem that students have been allowed to nominate people for
Homecoming Queen. Since Principal Hall is still blind, Nicole will have to read
the votes to her. Barely able to contain her laughter, Nicole reads notes saying
stuff like “This is stupid” and “Eat Me” and then tells Principal Hall that,
amongst others, Brooke and Carmen have been nominated.

Brooke is standing near her locker with Nicole. Brooke complains about her
domestic situation and how Sam is taking over her life. Yeah, right. Like anyone
would like to have Brooke McQueen’s life. Position, maybe. Future girlfriend,
certainly. But life? No. Anyway, even though Sam isn’t interested in taking over
Brooke’s life, since she just wants to play an important part in it, the
brunette has succeeded in taking over Brooke’s thought processes. I mean, face
it, there is only one thing that Brooke can think all the time. The blonde
thinks about Sam so much that she has completely forgotten that Homecoming is
approaching. She is therefore pleasantly surprised when Nicole suddenly tells
her she’s been nominated.

The nominees have been announced. They are as follows:
Popita Fresh.
Mary Cherry.
Carmen Ferrera.
Brooke McQueen.
It is interesting to note that Brooke smiles at first, but that that smile soon
fades. She probably fears that Sam won’t like this constant confirmation of
Brooke’s so-called popularity. The look on Sam’s face unfortunately proves
Brooke’s right.

April Tuna is on the phone, talking to the answering machine of Freddy Gong. It
would seem that the chess club is somehow important in the Homecoming election
so April believes this to be the perfect opportunity to make “those popular
bitches” crawl before their feet.
April is then roughly shoved away from the phone by Mary Cherry, who calls her
mom Cherry Cherry. If you thought Mary Cherry’s accent was bad enough, Cherry
Cherry’s accent is even worse.
But, even though Cherry Cherry isn’t exactly a prime example of inspired
parenthood, she is proud of her daughter getting nominated.

At the popular table in the cafeteria Popita and Mary Cherry bask in their
nominations. Needless to say, they’re both very happy about it. Popita thinks
it’ll be fun if she and Mary Cherry help each other out with their campaigns.
Nicole sits down at the table, after overhearing this. She makes it clear to the
girls that Brooke McQueen is going to win and that if Popita or Mary Cherry are
going to start campaigning she will brutally destroy their very beings. Then
Brooke shows up. Josh is following her, but in this scene he’s little more than
background since nobody’s acknowledging his existence. Brooke offers her
heartfelt congratulations to both Popita and Mary Cherry and expresses a fond
hope that they will all keep it light-hearted and fun. Nicole, whilst shooting
murderous glares at both Popita and Mary Cherry, tells Brooke that the two girls
will help her out in her campaign. Brooke, totally oblivious to the fact that
Nicole is harbouring several murderous intentions, is very much impressed by
this grand display of true friendship.
Brooke can be pretty dense sometimes, doesn’t she?

Over at the unpopular table, everybody is very happy that Carmen got nominated.
Carmen tells the group what emotions and feelings all went through her when she
heard the announcement. Harrison, tactful as ever, responds:
“Doesn’t the same thing happen when you die?”
Needless to say, this seriously kills the mood (no pun intended). Carmen,
however, manages to put a positive spin on it. But alas since Sam is still
obsessing over Brooke she points out that the blonde is probably going to win.
Lily agrees with this sentiment, bemoaning the fact that the winner is always
going to be someone everybody hates. Like last year’s winner, for example.
Judging from the way Lily and Sam talk about her, this Suzy Hatter was the Devil
personified. Harrison then makes the thoughtful comment that he has stood up for
his kin and had voted for her last year, shocking the other occupants at the
table.
Anyway, they (Sam, Lily and Harrison) talk some more about how Brooke is
probably going to win until Carmen snaps at them for being so unsupportive and
leaves.

The Palace at night. Mike and Jane have decided to have a nice family evening,
so they’re watching slides. All four of them are sitting on chairs. You know,
chairs, those things that usually come with four legs and can be easily moved
and placed everywhere you like.
And guess where Brooke and Sam have put down their chairs. As far away from each
other as possible you say?
Guess again.
So while Brooke and Sam are huddled up together we arrive at a slide that has
been dubbed “Brooke’s Worst Hairday Ever”, which had been taken when Brooke had
a VERY bad case of the flu. And yes, Brooke really does look truly horrible on
it. Anyway, everybody bursts out laughing, except for Brooke who urges Mike to
move on to the Sam part of the evening.
So, Mike moves on and the mood is suddenly well and truly killed when they
arrive at a slide showing Jane with Joe (Sam’s dad for those of you who don’t
know). And then there’s another slide with Jane and Joe. And another. And
another. And so on. The lights go on, the show is over. Sam is obviously
hurting. Brooke looks at her. And her look doesn’t say “serves you right for
laughing at me”. Instead it says “Sam’s hurting. How can make this better?”.
So in the end, Sam’s hurting because she’s been reminded of her dad and Brooke’s
hurting because Sam’s hurting.
In an attempt to brighten the mood, Brooke announces that she has been nominated
as Homecoming Queen. Mike and Jane are thrilled with this news and believe that
helping Brooke out with her campaign would be great family thing to do together.
Sam then says that she’s unable to help because she’s already helping Carmen.
She then apologises to Brooke and wishes her good luck.

April Tuna and her sister May Tuna are standing in the hallways of Kennedy High
telling each other how much Brooke is going to win. Nicole is very pleased when
hearing this.

Carmen is putting up her campaign posters. Sam shows up, saying that she’s
missing Carmen’s smile. Then she adds that she was talking about the posters.
Sam offers to help Carmen out with her campaign and Carmen accepts the offer on
the condition that there will be no Brooke-bashing whatsoever. Then Carmen asks
Sam how Brooke looks like first thing in the morning. Since Brooke is one of
those girls who first puts on her make-up and everything before anything else,
the only way for Sam to be able to see this is if they wake up together.
Provided that they’ve actually gone to sleep, of course.
Evidently, Carmen is not blind to the truth.
So anyway, Sam shows Carmen the picture of “Brooke’s Worst Hairday Ever”. The
two girls laugh about it for a bit and Sam then puts the picture back.
Unfortunately, Sam is not very good at putting things back so the picture glides
to the floor where an anonymous hand picks it up.

In the Novak, Popita makes a few last-minute adjustments to her make-up. Since
everybody on Kennedy High is either secretly or openly gay, Popita also has a
(rather dominant) lover in the form of Lady T. Lady T is wondering why Popita
isn’t busy campaigning. The rumours that she does this in order to let Brooke
win are, of course, true and Lady T isn’t very happy about this. According to
her, there are no good black role models in any form of media. She sometimes
feels like she doesn’t quite exist, so Popita will have to be the role model.
If I’m not mistaken, gay people often have the same problem when it comes to
popular media. Of course, the writers couldn’t just flat out say it was about
gay people since then they would be forced to either add an “evil” gay person or
a ridiculously flamboyant gay person. So they’re sticking with “black” for now
as a handy metaphor.

Brooke and Nicole are in the school cafeteria. Brooke complains that she just
knows that Sam is going to do something unpleasant, but is very happy that
Carmen got nominated. Nicole drops a few comments that suddenly makes Brooke
think that the other blonde might have rigged the nominations.
No? Nicole? Rigging something? Never.
So yeah, Nicole denies and Brooke believes her. Then Nicole points out the
importance of the chess club. It seems that the chess club represents the voice
of the people. Win over the chess club and you’ve got the rest of the school in
your back pocket.

Popita walks up to Nicole telling the blonde that if she hears any rumours about
her running against Brooke then that’s a great big lie. Nicole laughs it off,
saying that Popita doesn’t stand a chance, that Brooke’s going to win and that
there’s nothing anyone can do about it. Popita gets mad at this so, backed up by
the suddenly materialising Lady T, she announces that she’s going to run for
Queen and win too.

Mary Cherry is in the Novak, dressed up like the First Lady or something and
practising her dignified waving and smiling. Nicole, secretly intimidated by
Lady T, marches towards Mary Cherry and tries to intimidate her into dropping
out of the race. Cherry Cherry appears from one of the stalls, wearing a very
large fur coat. Wonder how she did that? On second thought, let’s not.
Anyway, Cherry Cherry tells Nicole that she’s spending an ungodly amount of
money on Mary Cherry’s campaign and that Brooke doesn’t stand a chance.
When Nicole leaves the Novak she sees to her horror that the hallways have been
changed into a Shrine To Mary Cherry.

There are a few shots about how everyone is busy campaigning. The most
interesting shot here is probably Mary Cherry announcing that everybody who
votes for her will have a chance to win a Brand New Car!!!

The chess club interviews are taking place. Basically, every nominated girl and
her campaign leader have to convince April Tuna, Freddy Gong and May Tuna why
the three of them should vote for her.
Carmen and Sam start well, saying that Carmen represents those that are ignored
and scorned at Kennedy High. Which is pretty much everyone. April Tuna doesn’t
care about this. Instead she wants to know what Brooke looks like naked. Gee, I
wonder why she thinks that Sam knows how Brooke looks like naked?
Mary Cherry and Cherry Cherry don’t exactly use arguments. Instead, they offer
everyone a hundred bucks.
Popita and Lady T hold a small speech about how they, like the members of the
chess club, have to struggle against prejudice.
Brooke and Nicole start speeching as well, but are quickly interrupted by one
very important question asked by Freddy Gong:
“Brooke, what’s my name?”
It’s no big surprise that Brooke doesn’t have a clue. But at least she feels
suitably guilty about not knowing the guy’s name.
Mary Cherry, by the way, overhears this.

The Palace. Sam is taking a bath. Brooke enters the bathroom and instead of
turning around and walking away embarrassed, she just stays and looks at her.
The blonde then says that she’s had a really tough day and that she wants to
take a bath. Right now. In short, Sam has to get up, show her wet, naked body to
Brooke and leave. Sam, however, is enjoying her bath way too much to grant
Brooke a peep show unless the blonde tells the truth about her feelings for Sam.
Brooke, disappointed that she won’t get a better look at Sam, reacts by getting
mad. Sam watches her rant with the same amused smile she had before. Brooke then
gets suspicious, wondering if this lack of angry Sam is just the calm before the
storm. Sam tells her that those days are over.

The next day, Brooke enters the school telling Nicole that yesterday was rough,
but that it fortunately can’t get worse.
Think again.
The school corridors are plastered with large posters. They depict the photo of
Brooke looking totally miserable with the caption reading: “Brooke McQueen. The
Queen Who Doesn’t Know Your Name.”
At the same time that Brooke looks at the posters with a shocked expression on
her face, Sam sees them and is equally shocked. Not that anybody notices this
obvious look of shock on Sam’s face. Anyway, let’s take a look at how the people
around Sam react to this whole poster deal:
Brooke believes that Sam did it.
Nicole believes that Sam did it.
Carmen believes that Sam did it.
I’m beginning to see a pattern here.

Brooke and Nicole are once again sitting at a table in the cafeteria. Josh is
here too, but, like last time, he’s strictly ornamental. The topic of discussion
are the posters. Well of course they are. Anyway, Brooke says that the picture
had been taken during a moment where she hadn’t been in control of her life. She
wonders if that Brooke might be the real Brooke. She then also tells Nicole that
she feels horrible for not knowing Freddy’s name, since she apparently shares
quite a few classes with him.
In short, Brooke believes she might be a bad person, but wants to be a good
person.

Popita and Lady T are talking to Lily. They’re playing on her idealistic side,
claiming that this year’s Homecoming is quickly becoming a political statement
and that, if Lily truly stands for everything she claims to stand for, she will
vote for Popita.

At another table, Harrison congratulates Carmen for being so focused and
everything as a result of the Homecoming campaign. Sam shows up and begs Carmen
to believe her when she says that she didn’t make those posters. Carmen says
she’d like to believe Sam didn’t do it, but she WAS in possession of the picture
after all. And she DOES hate Brooke, right? So, as a result, Carmen has no
choice but to kick Sam off the campaigning team. Feeling desperate, Sam turns to
Harrison to back her up.
Harrison believes that Sam did it.

The Palace kitchen, Jane and Mike are making posters for Brooke’s campaign.
Brooke shows up and makes it clear that she won’t be participating in this “Fun
Family Quality Time” since this is the family from Hell. It also becomes clear
that Mike and Jane still haven’t figured out what goes where in the kitchen.
Sam shows up and, after seeing all the cold stares, swears that she had nothing
do with the poster.
Mike believes that Sam did it.
Jane believes that Sam did it.
Sam, seeing everyone turn against her like that, says that if everyone’s going
to treat her like Cinderella, then she’s going to live like Cinderella. Sam has
decided to move out of the room and to the utility room.

I think that this would be a good time to describe how the Palace sets look to
me. I think that there are two ways to describe this. The first would be “dark
and depressing”, the second would be “bleak and lifeless”. The Palace really
isn’t a fun place to live. And yet, with the aid of several pillows, blankets
and her lamp, Sam has managed to make a small corner for herself next to the
washer and the dryer that almost looks cosy.

Back at school, Mary Cherry is still offering that free car. In an attempt to
prove that she does know the names of the other students she brightly greets
Harrison with: “Hi Joe!”

Carmen drags Brooke away and into the Novak for some serious discussion. Carmen
first apologises for the posters saying that she had no deal in it and that Sam
did it all on her own. Brooke believes her, of course. Anyway, the two of them
talk for a little while, when Brooke announces that she’s dropping out of the
Homecoming race. After the whole name and poster business she feels that she
isn’t fit to be the Queen. Carmen, however, won’t let her so Brooke decides to
stay in the race after all.

The voting is taking place and everyone gets one voting ballot. This scene also
reveals two new things that we didn’t know before:
April Tuna believes Sam did it.
May Tuna believes Sam did it.
My, my. What a surprise. Now then, onto the voting.
Harrison votes for Carmen.
Brooke votes for Carmen.
Carmen votes for Brooke.
Sugar Daddy votes for Popita.
April Tuna votes for April Tuna.
May Tuna eats her ballot.
Nicole votes for Popita.
Popita votes for Brooke.
Sam votes for Carmen.
Mary Cherry throws away her ballot and pulls a whole pack of them out of her
purse.

Well now, it would seem that before the announcement of this year’s Homecoming
Queen takes place after a football game. Hmmm… There was something about
Homecoming, I’m sure of it. Ah yes, the musical. You know the one that was going
to played during Homecoming AND was one of the most important plot lines during
the first FOUR episodes. Whatever happened to it?
Abandoned by the God of Incompetent Writers perhaps?
Well anyway, enough nitpicking about abandoned plot lines. God knows I’ve done
that often enough.
So, Mike and Jane are sitting next to each other in the stands. Cherry Cherry
shows up and sits down next to them. The two of them talk about how their
daughters got nominated. It becomes clear that Jane already considers Brooke to
be her daughter.
In front of the parentals are Lily and Lady T. Lily starts cheering for Carmen,
then casts a slightly fearful glance at Lady T. Fortunately, the real issue here
was “gay” and not “black”, so Lady T doesn’t mind. Carmen’s just as gay as
Popita, after all.
Sam sits at the very top of the stands with nobody else in a one metre radius.

Nicole walks up to the microphone in front of the stands, dressed to kill… I
guess. I’m no expert on fashion, but I know what I like. And what Nicole’s
wearing here is something I don’t like. Nicole announces the nominees to the
audience and they all arrive in an open car. Next Brooke is Josh, who once again
has to play Breathing Background. He’s sick of it right now so he kisses Brooke.
On the cheek since Brooke is busy ignoring him. Sam, however, only sees Josh
kissing her Brooke and is disgusted by it.
So the candidates are lined up next to each while Nicole is waiting for the
verdict. It is often the case that when people who have no real experience in
standing in front of a crowd doing nothing are standing in front of a large
crowd doing nothing they tend to search for a familiar and comforting face to
ease the nerves somewhat. Brooke does just that. And guess who she’s looking at.
I’ll give you a hint: It’s not Mike.
Exactly, Brooke is looking at Sam. She doesn’t looking angry nor filled with
hatred nor with bitterness nor with indifference. She looks at her with a
mixture of remorse and longing.
Interrupting this voiceless romantic interlude is Nicole, announcing the winner.
Brooke wins.
Carmen takes it like a good sport.
Popita is somewhat disappointed.
Mary Cherry is VERY disappointed.
Mike and Jane walk down to congratulate Brooke. When Mary Cherry also makes an
attempt at congratulating Brooke a certain picture falls out of her purse.
Gee, we didn’t see that one coming, did we?
So now Mike and Jane and especially Brooke all feel very miserable about not
believing Sam. Brooke looks back up at the stands, looking for Sam, but the girl
is already gone.

Sam as in the graveyard, kneeling in front of a headstone saying, amongst other
things, ‘Joseph McPherson’. The brunette’s in tears, saying how much she misses
him, how much she would like him to be proud of her, but fearing that she’s
failing him and everyone else around her. Jane walks in on her halfway during
Sam’s confession, but she remains quiet and keeps listening. After Sam is
finished Jane sits down next to girl, tells her that she still misses Joe as
well, apologises for not believing her daughter and trying to make up for it by
doubling her allowance for the next six months.
Sam accepts and everyone is once again fine in the McPherson part of the family.

In the limo of the Cherry family, Mary Cherry apologises for not winning. Cherry
Cherry says that it was inevitable really since it’s always the pretty who win.
She then confesses to her daughter that she too lost her first beauty pageant.
Mary Cherry is shocked and wonders what her mama did then. Her first guess, of
course, is that her mama had shot them all. But no, Cherry Cherry went out and
bought herself a crown. And now, she wants Mary Cherry to have it.
It’s a very strange picture of domestic bliss, I admit, but it’s domestic bliss
all the same.

Sam is in the Palace bathroom, making preparations to go to bed. Brooke enters,
wearing her Homecoming crown. With much smiles and a rather affectionate tone of
voice the two girls talk about how much they hate having each other in their
lives. Then Brooke takes off her crown and gives it Sam, wanting her to wear it.
But before that happens, Sam has a solution to the sink problem: flip a coin.
Since Sam is entitled to several major karmic rewards right now, she wins the
toss. Brooke leaves for her room and tells Sam not to use any of her skin care
products while one of the biggest smiles ever is plastered across her face. Sam
watches her fondly. Then, after Brooke has left, Sam takes the crown and puts it
on her head.
Honesty forces me to say that she looks ridiculous like that, but I suppose it’s
the thought that counts.

Well, that was it for this week unless I discover I’ve missed something. Tune
back next week for more!