Friday, July 31, 2009

It's interesting how our dreams can effect our day. Have an upsetting dream and you can spend the rest of the day in a funk. Have a sexy dream and you can spend the rest of the day all hot and bothered. Have a dream that you are being hunted down by the cops...and you can spend all day paranoid that the Popo are gonna get you!

Can you guess which one I had? I only wish it was the sexy dream! Yeah, I dreamt that I was being chased by the cops. They were looking all around for me and I kept getting away. I didn't even know what I had done!

I drove out to the garden today to do some work and on the way there, were three CHPs. I hadn't done anything, yet I was getting nervous. Then cruising through the neighborhood there were two cops. Of course I played it cool and pretended to not notice them, so they wouldn't know that I was on to them. But I kept thinking, what if the dream comes true! What if it was an omen! What if I am arrested for something I didn't do! Another four more CHP were on the way home...

Holy crap I just realized why I dreamt that...I started a new book yesterday and that was all in the first 5 pages...bonehead! I wish I had realized that earlier. Maybe I wouldn't have been so paranoid all day!

Originally I was going to say that I need to de-stress more often, then I won't have dreams like that. Now I know I can't read just before bed anymore... but I love reading before bed. So I guess I will just have to keep living on the straight and narrow, and maybe read some less exciting books...then I won't have to worry about all those coppers out to get me!

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Tonight we went to a newer fancy outdoor shopping mall to watch an outdoor movie. Tonight's movie was Moonstruck. I want to say that I'm the only person who hasn't seen Moonstruck, but there was an audience of children who were seeing for the first time also.

The place looked packed, but we found a nice clear spot. It was marked off by velvet ropes. Which would tell you that only special people can sit there. However, there were three old ladies sitting in there like queens. So we figured if they could sit there, we could sit there also. We did double check with one of the workers and they said we'd be fine there. So we unloaded our chairs and blankets and made ourselves at home.

A few minutes in, I started questioning where we were sitting. I started thinking that it was the old lady section. Then I decided it was the handicap section. I'm still not sure if it was either, but they didn't kick us out, so we stayed.After we settled in, Angela and I decided to run over to the drug store for a few snacks and drinks. We walked over real quick, picked up some movie essentials and headed for the line. Angela went ahead of me. She started trying to make a little small talk with the cashier. The cashier was a bit quiet and wasn't wanting to converse with some happy dork who gets to sit out on the lawn while she works. Just about the time that Angela got her change and receipt, I decided that I was tired of holding all my purchases. So I barge forward and throw my stuff on the counter.

Angela immediately stares me down and yells "Excuse me lady! That was so rude!"

So I yell back "Can you move along! I have some place to be!"

I look up at the cashier. She looks at me shocked and then looks down and very slowly starts scanning my stuff...trying to make herself as small as possible.

Angela starts in again "You need to learn some manners and wait your turn in line!"

I yell back "oh shut up and go!"

The cashier looks at me again like "I can't believe you have started this" She's kind of pleading with me to stop and half looking at me like I was so rude. So I pointed at Angela and said "She's my sister-in-law"

The cashier grabs her heart and yells "Oh thank god! You two scared me! I thought I was going to have to call the cops!" We started cracking up. This once quiet cashier got the shock of her life and was so funny. She told Angela "You looked and sounded so real! I was waiting for you to really start screaming!" Then she turned to me "And you looked so real too. You just kept arguing back! I can't wait to go home and tell my family! You'd be surprised how often those arguments happen! I thought this was going to be a real one! You two get the Oscar!"

Needless to say, we were pleased with ourselves. She perked up for her last hour of work and we giggled all the way back to our seats.

It ended up being a really nice evening. The movie was fun and the people watching was fantastic. Too bad we finally decided to go on their last movie of the season, we'd like to see more.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

No it's not some sort of bestiality thing(I know I'm going to regret typing this)...I'll explain

This last weekend, we took care of some animals while a few of our friends were out of town. We happily did this because 1)the dogs are fun 2) great air conditioning 3) there are 4 pools around his condo. While I'm sure went spent more time swimming than actually hanging out with the dogs, we did spend more time with the dogs than was requested...like I said great air conditioning.

Saturday afternoon, was a lazy one. We had been out to the veggie garden to check on things and then decided to spend the rest of the afternoon with the dogs and the pool. We got into the house, let the dogs out, and settled in for a little while. Angela and I were watching a little tv and playing with the dogs. After a long week of working, Mario promptly came in and passed out in the office chair. (The office chair is right next to the couch.)

When Mario passed out, I saw the little guy above, Google, tiptoeing his way over to him. I immediately knew what was going to happen. Google is not a tiptoer, the dog is crazy and hyper. So the minute I saw him trying to be sly, I knew I had to watch. I'm sure most of you know Mario has a nice big round tummy. Most animals love it because it gives them a nice platform to sit on. Kinda like this...

Google climbed up to the back of the couch and slowly took one step onto Mario's belly. He then paused to make sure that he wasn't waking Mario up. At this point I quickly try to get Angela to turn around, so she can witness this awesomeness. Google then jumps the rest of the way onto Mario's belly. Of course this 15 pound dog is completely unnoticed by Mario. Google balances himself and then promptly sticks his tounge right down Mario's open snoring mouth.

Now there is a few seconds where you can see Mario waking up a little thinking that I'm giving him a nice little kiss. Then he wakes up enough to realize this isn't a nice little kiss from my wifey, I am being tongue kissed by a dog! I almost fell off the couch laughing. Poor Mario looked like he had been violated! And Google was more than pleased with himself! Mission Accomplished!

(yes I did realize that I was going to be kissing Mario after this...but I couldn't not let it happen!)

Saturday, July 25, 2009

I had three big shoots this week...finally! I thought we were going to have to start living in a tent soon.

Getting back into the swing of things was slow. I managed to keep the boneheaded things to a minimum in front of the clients and the other photographer. Slipping off a step behind everyone...no one noticed me flailing about. I didn't knock anything over...bumped a rental vase with my backpack but turned and caught it. I'm forever bumping my tripod into doors and walls, luckily I kept that at an absolute minimum, clients don't like seeing you scuff their newly painted walls. Now that I think about it, I'm totally a bull in a china shop.

Of course at the end of the last shoot I was getting ready to put all my gear into my car. I had my keys, camera, tripod, and backpack in my hands. I was tired, sweaty and ready to start my weekend. I managed to unlock the car and open an door. But then somehow slam the door into my hand, knocking my keys out of my hand. I didn't think too much of it, better the keys than the camera. I put the rest of my gear in the car and turned to look for my keys. Couldn't see them anywhere under my car or the car next to me. Then I bent over farther...and noticed my keys way under the car next to me. Of course it wasn't under one of those little commuter cars that I could reach under while still standing up, it was under a huge sedan! To make matters worse, I was wearing a white denim skirt.

I stood there for a minute hoping that someone might have seen my keys go under the car and either move the car for me or even just offer to get them for me. I can totally play the damsel in distress. Neither was going to happen in reality, I was in a fairly deserted parking lot. I also realized I wasn't going anywhere until I got my ass on the ground and started trying to get those keys.

I actually thought about trying to use my tripod to try to catch the keys, but then I thought about all those scuffs I've put on walls. I also tried to picture what the car's owner would think coming out and seeing some dork fishing around under their car with a tripod. I daintily got down on my hands and knees and leaned as far under the car as I could without my skirt touching the ground and without my showing any of my assets to passing strangers. I wasn't even close to reaching those keys. I think the keys scooted farther under there than they were before. I am a little appreciative that I was a little hidden in between my car and the other and not on the street side of the car, but this was a dirty nasty car I had to climb under. I finally knew I just had to sacrifice me and my skirt. I laid down on that dirty ground and scooted under the even dirtier car. Of course the keys were perfectly in the center underneath the car. I scooted half under the car to finally reach them. I hooked them in a finger, scooted out and jumped up before anyone could see any more of my panties.

Wouldn't you know it, my skirt didn't get dirty at all. However, the rest of my was absolutely filthy! I dusted off and thought, who cares. I get to go home, rinse off and start my weekend early. Plus, despite being a bull in a china shop, all the shoots went well and I should be getting a nice check next week!

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

When I hang out with my mom or sister, we always end up talking about the past. Most of the time we tell stories about how nerdy we are. While visiting my mom last weekend, we ended up talking about how mom taught me how to drive. Mom had a glass of wine in her hand, so we decided to have a little reenactment.

About the time that I turned 15 years old, someone gave my mother a plastic mug with a lid. On the mug was one of those witty sayings. It said something like "my child is learning to drive therefore I drink wine". Mom thought it was hysterical. She also thought it gave her permission to drink wine while I drove her around learning to drive.

I wanted to put in my driving hours and she wanted her wine. So about 10pm we'd pile in the car. Me with a big smile on my face, car keys in my hand. Mom with her witty mug full of wine. It worked out for both of us really. The wine kept her calm and made driving around with teenage daughter a little less hellish.

Pretend this is mom and her witty mug

One evening, I had chosen to drive around a parking lot for a while. It was on a hill and I was learning to drive a stick. So I thought it was very important to learn the starting and stopping on a hill without stalling. The only problem was that this hill was getting the better of me that night...and apparently the stalling and shaking of the car was getting to mom. After 10 minutes of being stuck in this one spot, she'd had enough. Wine was not going to help me this time.

Mom tried explaining to me how to slowly let the clutch out while moving my foot from the break to the gas pedal. Of course I knew how to do it because I was 15 and knew everything. I just had to get my timing down. I was getting very frustrated. Mom finally yelled at me to just stop and she'd move the car for me. No way. I would get it! I wasn't listening to her. When I stalled the car one last time. Mom got out of the car, slamming the door. Just as she rounded the back of the car, I finally got it! I got the timing perfect. I let the clutch out a bit, slid my foot from the break over to the gas pedal. The car finally smoothly backed up...right into my mom. She was instantly at the drivers door, wine in hand, steam coming out her ears.

Pretend that she is really pissed, not just drunk trying to pretend to be pissed. (she was really trying to get into the part here. Yelling at me to take the fucking picture. This shot is just before she lost it and started cracking up)

Realizing I had just hit my mother with the car, I knew I was is major trouble. Seeing her standing there flaming pissed, I lost it. I couldn't stop laughing...which obviously made her more upset. She didn't have to tell me to get out of the car. I knew. I'm pretty sure I sat in the back seat on the way home. She was quiet mad. The quiet mad that makes you question if you will be allowed to leave the house ever again, let alone get behind the wheel of a car. I spent the car ride home swinging back in forth between wondering about my future and trying unsuccessfully not to laugh at the fact that I had hit my own mother with the car.

Neither of us really remember what happened when we got home. Luckily my mother can look back and laugh at the situation. Although she had tried to use it as a guilt trip on me...it never works because it only gives me the giggles.

Here is one last photo of my mother. She says this is her really pissed off look. She also said this is what she really wanted to tell me after I hit her with the car.

Yes this is my classy mother. When I told her this would be going online, she said good. Now the world can really know what she thinks. It's also now the photo that shows up on my phone when she calls.

Monday, July 13, 2009

After Saturday's long hard day, Mario and I passed out. Yes it took me a while, but once I was out...I was out cold. I don't think I moved all night. Until I was woken up with a cat howling and jumping all over me.

I'm sure you all know that I have to wear earplugs to be able to sleep with Mario. Sleeping with him is like sleeping with a growling bear holding a chainsaw...loud. Even with those earplugs in Bob's howling and meowing was LOUD. That and the jumping around was way too much for 6am. So I kinda just pet him on the head a little without opening my eyes(which I'm sure was more like smacking him on the head with my heavy sleepy arm). He then move over and started jumping on Mario and swatting him in the face to wake him up. I rolled over to fall back asleep...only to hear Mario scream "Oh Shit!". I rolled back over to look at him and saw it. A dead bird. In our bed. Laying perfectly between us.

Bob was so fucking excited we finally woke up to find his gift! He did the cat equivalent of the "TA-DA!" Poor cute Bob was dancing around the bed...it was his first real kill. He's only ever really gotten grasshoppers before. He's pretty proud of those little guys...but a fucking bird! He's was over the moon!

I just laid there looking at it while Mario went and got something to pick it up with. While he's man'd up with the spiders, he's not so good with dead animals in bed. Understandable really. There was some queasiness, but he got that little guy and disposed of him. I was so out of it that I actually almost fell right back to sleep. Luckily my brain woke up enough to realize that sleeping in a bed that previously held a dead wild animal is not ok. So we stripped the bed.

I fell back asleep to Mario cuddling Bob and telling him what a tough cat he was. When we woke up later, Bob was still doing his excited dance and strutting around the house. It was so cute that we didn't want to tell him he was bad, because he did bring it in for us. However, I really hope that Bob doesn't take all the praise to mean that he should bring in more wildlife.

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Boy, did today turn out to be exhausting! Mars was recruited by a friend to help move and today was community clean up day at the garden for me. It worked out really well for us because Mario's friend Charles lives close to our garden. So I dropped Mario off and headed over for some weeding.

I haven't been to the garden in almost a month. It's a little weird but the garden is about an hour away. My friend lives a few minutes away, so she takes care of the day to day things. We put in a ton of the hard labor hours, building the raised beds and sifting for rocks, so it evens out. But when I walked into the garden I was shocked. In one month it was a different place. Sunflowers that were just starting out are now over ten feet tall. There are beautiful veggies everywhere. It's like the garden took steroids while I was away. It was pretty exciting to see the changes.

It was already heating up by the time I had gotten there. I covered myself in 45 SPF and went to work weeding. For some reason no matter how many bottles of water I bring, it's never enough. Luckily there are hoses everywhere. I must have consumed 3 gallons of water. By the time noon rolled around I had sweated off my sunscreen and sweated out the three gallons of water that I had drank. But the garden was weeded and we had netting up around the beds to keep the bunnies from eating our crop...Those cute little assholes!

But there was a reward for all that hard work! 2 big radishes! It was exciting for us. But that's all that was ready. Hopefully we'll get more of something!

On the way out the president of the garden threw some oregano and a big bushel of basil at me...yum! A guy offered us some cucumber and of course I took it, it was free. Even if we don't get a lot from our garden, we've gotten a bunch of wonderful stuff from people there.

Exhausted and a little sunburned, I headed out to find Mario and the guys. Of course I hoped that they would be finished. Well they almost were. After filling up two big bags full of plums from their tree, we finished up the last load and then headed over to the new place to help unpack.

*Mario is passed out next to me. He's been mumbling and humming in his sleep. I've been waiting for something good to come out. Finally...he yelled "Lemon Sauce!" cracks me up*

Anyway, we started out at seven this morning. I think we got home at 6pm. Between the moving, gardening and the hot sun, we were drained. I passed out for two hours on the couch. Out cold. No moving. I finally woke up and Mario passed out at nine. I had to wake him up to get him to bed...man was that a task. The man was out. He could barely wake up enough to walk.

We're finally in bed, I just hope I can go back to sleep now. It was quite a nap earlier.

Thursday, July 09, 2009

When you visit Disneyland for your birthday and go into one of the visitor offices, they will give you a pin to wear. The pin says "Happy Birthday" and they will write your name on it. Wearing that pin means that every cast member must wish you a happy birthday. It's fun. I suppose more for kids than anyone, but we still get a pin for anyone there on their birthday.

I seem to be the only dork who hasn't been to Disneyland on my birthday to get one of these fancy pins. Being the good daughter that I am, I was up north helping my mother move on my birthday. About a half an hour after I complained that I wouldn't be at Disneyland on my birthday getting my fancy pin, I got a call from the sister-in-law letting me know that she was at Disneyland and picked me up a pin with my name on it.

I was very excited when I got home and got my very own pin with my name on it...I know way nerdy. Since then it's been sitting in the bottom of my purse.

Today we got a call from my sister-in-law to go to lunch. I quick changed my shirt into something more appropriate for people to see me in. A white blouse. Of course I questioned this choice for a few seconds before I realized that it's only thing I really had to wear. I knew the white blouse was a mistake the minute we walked out the door, but I wasn't changing again.

I'm sure you know where this went. Two bites in and I had shit all over the right boobage area of my white blouse. I tried wiping with a napkin, blotting a little water. It was in there good. So I resorted to the Mario trick. I tease him every time he does it, but it seems to work. He fishes a ice cube out of his drink and works his magic on the offending stain. Works like a charm...for him. Not me. This shit wasn't budging.

We kinda joked about how I could walk around with the reverse pledge of allegiance pose like my sister in law had done this weekend. I had a better idea though.

I knew it was in there still. I fished around in my purse and quickly pinned it on my shirt. My birthday pin was there to save the day.

Mario and Angela both stared at me. Then my sister in law said "Yeah that makes you look like less of an idiot".

But you know what...I kinda felt better about hiding the stain. I also kinda hoped that they'd bring me some ice cream and sing happy birthday to me in spanish. Didn't happen.

Tuesday, July 07, 2009

This morning on my way out to the car, I noticed that some very generous person had left a gift for the neighbors...Two big fish. Laying on the cement. In the sun. Between ours and our neighbor's garages. The only part that makes me remotely happy about this little situation, is that I'm sure this fishy gift is for the neighbors that I don't' like. Why do I think it is for them? I feel these fish are a perfect dose of karma for yelling at their kid to shut the fuck up over and over. However, the real reason I believe it is for them is because it is closer to their garage. Yes draw a line down the middle, it's closer to them. Plus, those two fish are perfectly placed right next to the vomit splat that the neighbor's drunk friend left on the garage wall a week back...totally theirs!

What's the story with these fish? Why two fish and why right there! If they were accidentally dropped, why not just pick them up and dispose of them? If they were put there on purpose, why not a better place, like in the wheel well of their car or in one of their planters?

I was already thinking about how gross they would be by mid afternoon. However, I was also running late, so I wasn't about to throw out those fish myself. Besides it's not my mess, why should I clean up after some other asshole. I rushed out to my car hoping the cats wouldn't touch the fish.

I completely forgot about the fish while I was gone, but I spotted them again as I was walking back tonight. I was a bit miffed that no one else had cleaned them up yet. I prepared myself for the thick smell of rotten fish that the heat of the San Fernando Valley will have undoubtedly created...but there was nothing. Besides a few flies and the vomit splat, it was almost pleasant over there. Are these magical unscented fish? It's impossible that these fish aren't more nasty. Even more miraculous is that the cats don't look the least bit interested.

My real question is what should I do? I'm tempted to put a sign up for the neighbors to clean their shit up, but I feel like that would only start a problem and I don't want to end up with those fish on my doorstep. Even if it's not their mess, it's on their part of the walk. They should clean it up. We're always picking up trash that their kids throw over the fence. But this is beyond gross, even without the smell. I sure don't want to clean up these fish, they are now aged. But we live so close and I don't want to walk by this mess every time I go to the car. Do I cave and clean it up? Or do I leave it and hope the neighbors care enough about where they live to clean it up...even though I know they won't.

Thursday, July 02, 2009

I've been totally uninspired to write blogs again this week. My week has been very uninspired. I have had a hard time getting in the mood to work. And when I find it hard to work, I get the guilt. When I get the guilt for not working, I don't feel like I should be doing anything else. So a lot of nothing has been getting done.

Here's the thing. I know that if I just relax and do something else for a little bit, it will be easier for me to get back to work and actually get shit done. I know this. However, guilt is fighting reason and winning. This must not happen!

So, I actually hunkered down, got a few work blogs finished and posted. Now I get to write a fun blog. That is boring as hell! I have the funk ok!

Now that I said it, I'm actually feeling better.

I don't know if you've seen this...

I got one the other night. I was sitting at my desk working, when Bob comes flying at me from the bookshelf behind me. First off, it was a full bitchslap. Second, it scared the shit out of me. Which scared the shit out of mario when I screamed. Third, my heart not only got a jump but I took the full weight of that little asshole straight to the heart!

My favorite thing I have to tell you...my mother just moved to a street called Golden Rain Rd...That makes me happy!

It's Me...

Burbank, CA

I'm a photographer living in the Los Angeles area. I'm a wife, and foster mother, business owner, sister, daughter, friend, and nerd. I love to laugh and share the most embarrassing stories, but sometimes I can get serious. I'm heading towards 40, but feel like I'm still growing up.