The Kidd Goes To Fantasia - THE TALL MAN

I can handle a bad movie. Whether it’s a poor choice of director that didn’t quite fit the material or a bad script or poor story choices or terrible acting performances, sometimes a movie just doesn’t work. I’m okay with that. I mean, I’m not comfortable with shit like that being made in the first place, but it’s not the end of the world. Bad art happens all the time. Usually when you come to the realization that a movie is bad, you simply strap in for the rest of the ride and hope that there’s something positive you can take away from this cinematic debacle to make you want to come back again another time to see something else. It’s like playing golf. You want that one shot, that one good hole, that sparkle of something good that stirs up inside you what made you decide to play in the first place. The same with movies… you want a little glimpse of that movie magic that made you fall in love with this form of entertainment to begin with. Bad movies are a dime a dozen lately, so we become desensitized to them after awhile. “Yeah, that one wasn’t very good,” and we forget that we ever saw it the moment we walk out of the theatre.

Movies that downright lie to me though, on the other hand… I CANNOT ABIDE!!!

I’m not talking about flicks that try to twist the way you’ve seen things up to a certain point or that unleash the “Ah-ha!” moment on you where you come to terms with the cleverness of their misdirection. I’m not badmouthing THE SIXTH SENSE or THE USUAL SUSPECTS. Those are movies that took such an angle and worked it to perfection. I’m going more with something like THE TALL MAN, which sets up a particular premise and then about halfway through the movie, decides to confess to you, “Oh, remember everything we showed you so far…? Yeah, fuck it. It didn’t really happen that way at all. Tough shit. Here’s how things are going to go now.”

THE TALL MAN takes you to the town of Cold Rock, Washington, a real shit hole stuck in the Pacific Northwest. The town died years ago when the mine shut down, and, on top of their ridiculously high unemployment rate, they have an abnormally high number of missing children over the years… way too many for anyone who has children to even consider staying anywhere near the town limits. But that doesn’t seem to bother anyone. Oh, sure… we can’t work for a living and some mysterious legend known as the Tall Man is kidnapping the kids, but that’s no cause for alarm or to get the fuck out of Dodge. It’s better to just hang around in the miraculous chance that either the mine re-opens or your kid is next to disappear. Makes sense to me. I mean, I would have packed up my shit and moved, but apparently I have no thing THE TALL MAN doesn’t – at least one ounce of common sense.

Right smack in the middle of Cold Rock is Julia Dunning, played by Jessica Biel, the town’s nurse who operates the local clinic after her doctor husband died whenever and however. He was supposedly the spirit of the town, and everyone loved him… and when he went, the town is thought to have gone with him. Julia is doing her best to contribute though. She helps deliver locals’ babies. She makes house calls. She pops in to the diner and pals around with her fellow residents. She’s average… only in the body of Jessica Biel.

She has a son and a live-in nanny, and about 20 minutes into the movie, you know that the Tall Man is coming to take away her kid. You also know that THE TALL MAN is leading to Jessica Biel’s eventual confrontation with said mystery man, where identities will be revealed. When it finally happens, director Pascal Laugier throws everything but the kitchen sink at the screen, dragging Biel behind a rusty old box truck, having her attacked by a dog that’s conveniently brought along for kidnappings and finally flipping her in that very vehicle, while the shadowy figure and the kid, both who were also in the rollover, walk away unscathed.

Okay, let me get to the moment of complete and total bullshit, because, up to that point, THE TALL MAN isn’t all that bad. Sure, it seems to be moving in a predictable direction and the townspeople are dumb as hell, but at least there’s the attraction of unraveling who is the Tall Man to keep you involved. I mean, it could be anyone, most of which will be disappointing, because other than the nanny and some mute girl, none of the other secondary characters get enough screen time for it to matter much… but there’s at least something we don’t know that we’d like an answer to keeping us going.

That is until we learn that Julia is in fact the one behind these disappearances. Yes, Jessica Biel is the villain. And from then on, THE TALL MAN is completely fucked.

The woman who is seen around town all the time, interacting with everyone she meets, has a kid that isn’t hers, one that she took from another woman in town, and no one ever sees this. She plays with him in plain sight at her house, and yet is never caught doing so. When she is seen by the very woman whose child she took, that woman tries to take him back by force, because calling the police sounds like a terrible idea… and that’s where we have this whole action-truck sequence where Biel is going through a hell of a lot of trouble to try to recover a kid that isn’t hers, and what we think is the Tall Man is really his actual mom. Do you hear how stupid that sounds? Because it comes across so much worse on-screen when you realize the movie has played you for a fool for at least its first half and is proud of it. They haven’t flipped any script on you with any type of hidden clues that you should have picked up. They simply lie to you. What you thought you were watching was never true… so how dare you trust your own lying eyes that whole time?

It doesn’t even matter what happens after that, because the Biel revelation is enough to kill your interest in the rest of the movie. And being at the midway point of the flick (yes, THE TALL MAN doesn’t even build all of this until the end to try turning it on you… they pull the trigger on this terrible plot shift halfway through), there’s no sense in walking out. You might as well see how this stupid movie ends up, so it can aggravate you even further… and believe me it will, as it turns into a message movie about the lengths we should go in order to raise children in good homes, even if it means stealing them from their poverty-stricken or alcohol-fueled upbringings.

Wow… did this movie piss me off a great deal by the time the credits starting rolling and even afterwards, as I loudly argued alongside others about the nonsensical design of the film over a few drinks… which probably only made my anger worse. But, even in revisiting my notes to write this review up, I’m still enraged by how flippantly THE TALL MAN tosses aside its own story in the hopes of being cool for having a twist. The problem is you have to lead up to that twist with events, conversations, actions that wind up supporting the twist. It has to feel fluid and natural. If you follow THE TALL MAN’s example, all you’re doing is telling the audience that what happened all the way up to the twist was nothing more than a set-up for some “Gotcha!”

I will give Jessica Biel credit where credit is due, because the one positive I came away from THE TALL MAN with was a desire to see her as a full-blown villainess. Once she’s in police custody, she does get a cold-blooded moment to shine and show some crazy evil that is wasted in this particular film. However, if given the leeway to ham it up as a baddie in something else, I think she can pull it off, no question. I guess that’s the one beautiful tee shot to the fairway that THE TALL MAN is going to gift me.

I wish THE TALL MAN were a bad movie, nothing more. It’d make it that much easier to walk away from it. However, it still triggers in me feelings of pissed-offedness due to its cheap tactics, and that’s something that will haunt me for quite awhile.

Biel was solid, and once you find out the complete story her choices and motivations seem valid.
i agree that it was odd at best (stupid at worst) that the town behaved the way it did, but it honestly didn't get to me the way it got to you Kidd.
aesthetically it was awesome, i really loved the melancholy tone it.
the plot twist played out nicely for me, and Biel's character arc was well thought out.
Sorry that it shat you as much as it did, that doesn't happen often. the last film that did that for me was... actually i can't remember. Alien Resurrection perhaps.

I have seen seen many bad movies lately, I am beginning to feel numb every time I leave a movie theater. It's time to feel and speak true outrage about this. I usually enjoy reading scathing reviews about bad movies....they are usually pretty funny to read, and give me the same smug superior feeling I get when I'm watching a crappy reality show on tv. But I've reached a breaking point. I can't take it any more. Bad art is becoming the rule rather than the exception.
Thank God The Master is out in a couple of weeks. Perhaps my faith will be restored. Thanks for taking the bullet for us on this one Kidd.

Pascal Laugier made my fave horror film Martyrs, and this film shows us that he can still mess with you without using so much blood and violence. His dark and depressing view of society remains strong with The Tall Man.
The Kidd's reasons for hating this film so much seem to me like he was either not paying attention to the dialogue or just went into it with a big ol' bug up his butt.
The townspeople remain there because they're all low-life alcaholics and are afraid to face the real world and any responsibility. That's why the same future awaits their kids, hence why they are stolen and actually given a chance to have a future.
The reason why the mother of the kid tried to steal back her son from Jessica Beil herself instead of the sheriff is because she knew that anyone who has stolen that many kids and not been caught by now obviously has a way of hiding her son if the cops were to show up. So she told the sheriff she would do it herself and meet them all at the diner where they were waiting for her but instead Beil's character showed up at the diner.
Whatever, this is a fucking good movie.

Seriously. His normal "The Kidd Vs." reviews are usually fucking dull, horribly written, and nitpicky as shit. This time he seems to try a different approach and just embraces the fact he's a hack writer and throws in tons of profanity.
Good on ya, now get the fuck off this site and let the adults get back to work.

...I thought TallMan was gonna be a take on the faux Slender Man urban myth (started on YouTube I think?) about a mysterious Slender being that steals children but I thought this was an interesting take on the myth.Biel help produce this movie too so maybe she liked the themes the film brings up on the narcissistic society,bad parenting and the aftermath it leaves behind for kids (whether they are abducted or not).And like all villains Biels character sees what she chooses to do as the greater good from her point of view.Good look and feel to this film too and I read the directors other film is a good one as well.I really liked it but most will probably not.
Worth a matinee IMO...If the wifey doesn't want to see Expendables 2.

The mother of the kid didn't trust the cops after they booted her out of her house and had her hold up in that run down shithole. So she wanted to get her son back herself. The mother said it when Beil was tied to the chair telling her story.
Also, Beil's character never played with the boy out in the open for everyone to see. Her house is located in the middle of the woods and was playing with the kid indoors. When the mother spotted her son in the window it was because the boy had opened the curtain.
You immediatly see Beil's character shutting them quickly.

I thought it was cool, even though the twist might seem early, still you are wondering what is going on in the 2nd half as there are still things that need answers.
Was an entertaining movie that touches on a subject NOBODY really talks about in movies other than "oh that sucks bro".

You'd have to be pretty stupid to not have picked up on the clues right from the beginning (the way the kid acts towards her, The mom's reaction at the diner...). Hell, they even explained them to you.

This is the last time I click on a Kidd review. Every one is a dull, middlebrow plot synopsis with loads of filler.
I loathe this guy. If you do to, don't click on him. If he isn't axed soon, I won't be clicking on this site anymore.
Get some real reviewers, Harry. Or at least some real personalities. This is a low point.

Where is the REAL Tall Man? When is he going to show up again for the final chapter?
Come on, Don...somebody out there HAS to be interested in funding the picture. Perhaps the "owners" of Phantasm II would be interested in a direct to home video market project?
ONE MORE movie before we lose anybody, especially Angus aka Rory to the rigors of time...
Oh, by the way...
Hey, Negator76? I'm with you....I've not read one single "review" of The Kidd's yet that seemed like a honest to God, impartial, unbiased and above all INTERESTING one. I think here at AICN it's more about his chosen moniker than anything else.

Don't understand the Kidd's hate on this one, they literally spelled out everything he had an objection to.
Really looking forward to whatever Laugier does next. This one was great, and Martyrs was one of the best horror movies of the last 15 years.

It was not a good script. It just threw everything it could at you and ended up a sanctimonious torture porn flick veiled very thinly by a shitty criticism of religious corruption. It was awesome for 30 minutes then total crap that felt like a mish-mash of 7 scripts.
If this is the same writer/director then count me out. The Martyrs was an incredibly frustrating film to sit all the way through and I still to this day can't understand where all the love for it comes from.

Every time I ended up reading one of "The Kidd's" reviews. I have know idea what business he has reviewing anything or even more so why any one would publish this tripe.
This movie did have its faults but was for the most part enjoyable. Even if you can't look past the "the shift," in the film, (which was completely ruined in this review and a complete disservice to anyone who may enjoy watching it) You can still enjoy Biel's gritty performance. The camera work is interesting and the film looks good. I look forward to see what Laugier does next.
I can not be the only one who completely loathes this guy? AICN would be a much better place without him..

You're not alone.
As I said above, I'm not clicking on any more of this guys reviews. He's a bland, boring, uninsightful place-holder.
It isn't his negativity; I love reading John Simon's old reviews, and that guy was negativity par excellence! He hated TAXI DRIVER and STAR WARS, ferchrissakes! But he was a blast to read because, unlike 'The Kidd', he could really write! All the Kidd offers are plot-points. He doesn't possess the powers of observation access toor any of the film-historical context that a good writer and cinephile can bring to even the most negative review.
So do like I'm doing: Stop reading his reviews. Hopefully at some point it will show up on AICN's metrics and someone will get the message that he is losing readers and FAIL HIM.

Torture porn is like Hostel and Saw along with some other bullshit films. It always takes the gore and violence to an exploitation level of extreme.
Laugier is smarter than that and could have shown the women in the dungeon getting cut up, teeth pulled out, blow torch...whatever, but that would pull you out of the film and it would be a joke.
The depravity shown during the last half of Martyrs was well calculated and used abuse and neglect to make the viewer feel what it is like to have no hope, which was the whole point of the film and what that whole group of sadists were trying to achieve with their victim.
Like The Tall Man, I also appreciate his tonal shifts in his stories. I think that he is a great writer and directs his films with a focus on having the audience have something to think about when the end credits roll.

it used to be amusing (fuck it - hilarious), but now it's just grating.
the degree that folks blatantly ATTACK the writers on here (and each other) is fucking intense, and doesn't add anything to the discussion of what we come here to do dig on -geek culture.
This is why sites like Badass Disgest are better. people are halfway decent over there, and the mods give a shit about basic social fucking standards of conversation.
i'm out. play nice. y'all are better than IMDB - act that way.
*rant over*

I don't know The Kidd. I don't wish him harm. Neither, it seems, does rgold717.
However, I think he is a very, very dull writer who seems incurious and not terribly knowledgeable or insightful about the history and craft of movie-making, and I would agree with rgold that AICN has suffered since 'The Kidd' began his tenure here. I am uninterested in 'The Kidd's' views, and at this point I am convinced he has nothing to offer me in terms of useful film criticism or as entertainment.
That sounds harsh, yes. It IS harsh. But it is my honest assessment of The Kidd's talents as a movie critic. I wish he would find something he is better suited for, and even wish him well.
But I do honestly and dearly wish he would leave this site.

That was written right after reading the piece and was a pretty honest response to it. I have always kept my criticism to myself and will try to no longer to stray from that path but this review does not make it easy. I'm just going to have to pay attention to who the authors of the links I click on are, which really kinda sucks

you're not going to agree with everyone on any given site (Devin Faraci often rubs my rhubarb) but it's still a useful thing to read alternative opinions. Some say it's the only really constructive thing to do.
what not to do is to sharpen your harpoons and man your boats ready to fuck up some critic you think "doesn't get it" every time he/she opens their mouth.
negator, i dig your point on the importance of being a well read voice of criticism, and fair enough if you believe the Kidd is indeed not that well read. i honestly don't think that's the case. one can understand the language of film and articulate that without an encyclopedic knowledge of the medium, and i also don't think that critics need to showcase that knowledge if they do have it, just to maintain some swag in the critical community. In the context of this site, and the mission statement of its writers (so far as i understand it of course), the Kidd holds his own.
what i think though is folks should CALM THE FUCK DOWN on this site and try and chat about it, and in fairness that's more of the reality than my previous post makes it out to be.
i'm just shitty at the ugly nerd rage that's building slowly around here.

Fair enough. I do think nerd rage is disturbing and getting out of hand (Nerds talking about visiting harm on critics who give bad reviews to Avengers and Dark Knight Rises???? Jesus H. Christ!)
With respect, I would say you are still slightly off-base by assuming that I disapprove of the Kidd because I disagree with his reviews. That isn't it, and I can't seem to stress this enough.
He may have some movie knowledge, but he certainly doesn't deploy it much in his reviews. But that isn't it, either.
I've disagreed with Massawyrm, Beaks, and Capone plenty, and I am sure they don't have absolutely encyclopedic film knowledge, but they are still FUN TO READ. The Kidd, in my opinion, is a boring slog to read and doesn't bring any spark of personality, humor, or enthusiasm to his reviews. He just sort of sits there, ticking off plot synopses and complaints. It's a chore to read and I'm through doing the chore.
But it's nice to see we can respectfully disagree with each other, isn't it?

Could you have not explained the big reveal, even if it came mid film?
Seems no point in watching it now, because you've explained the whole thing.
Just do a bloody audiobook of the script next time.
Review, not spoil.

I'm so glad I never read this review until I was pointed to it after seeing and loving THE TALL MAN. Yes, the twist that he cruelly gives away is audacious and original, that's what some of us want to see in horror movies. The part that he liked is, of course, the normal and predictable part of the movie that is used to lull you in and then turn into something way more interesting and thought provoking.
There is no "lying," it's just that we aren't given important information that later forces us to re-contextualize everything we've seen. It's a very clever and ballsy move that less closed-minded horror fans than Billy will love.
I'm sure this has been mentioned in the other talkbacks, but this is the same writer/director as MARTYRS, one of the most original and intense horror movies in many years. Since Billy didn't mention that I'm guessing he's not a big horror fan, and maybe that's why he was so dead set against understanding the movie or giving it a chance. It's not the same kind of movie as MARTYRS, not as brutal, but equally original and morally ambiguous in a way that leaves you questioning what's gone on and what your beliefs are. Or at least it did to me and several friends I've talked to about it.
I'm sure plenty of people haven't heard of it and take his word for it that it's just some crappy Jessica Biel studio movie. At least say "writer/director of MARTYRS" so that people into horror will know it might be worth watching without you ruining it.

I just watched this movie and remembered this review. "The Kidd's" rage against this movie, the consistently bad reviews he writes, and the unspeakably bad interviews he's done only reinforce why I will never read anything he writes here again. Maybe he's a great guy in person, hard to tell... but he's a shit critic, and a bad writer. 'The Tall Man' is nowhere near as grueling or affecting as 'Martyrs', but it is likewise a unique movie with thought-provoking themes, and to petulantly spoil one of the significant plot twists is not the act of a critic, it's the act of a dick.