So this is what best selling authors get up to

I know many people have asked whether the easy wealth and international jet-setting lifestyle will spoil me so I thought that I’d better give you some idea of how my morning is spent. Obviously palm-fringed beaches, the pool, the beach-bar, the beach babes all come into it at some point, but remember this is Cumbria, not the Caribbean.

So first I clean the ashes out of the fire bottom and get the fire going. I take the ashes outside and it’s raining. Such is life. On Sunday the ground was drying up nicely, on Monday when I fed sheep the ground was so dry it was a pleasure. Then it rained. And it rained, and, in case you missed it, it rained.

So breakfast, coffee, and out. Except that it isn’t raining, it’s snowing; huge sodden flakes of it which don’t so much flutter down as splat on impact. Never mind, waterproofs were designed for days like this. Get the quad out, put it on the trailer, and up to the barn where some of last years lambs are being housed in the vague hope that inside they might put on weight. Feed them and put silage in the trailer for a bunch of ewe lambs who are still outside and hopefully will run with the tup next back-end. Chop a bit of fodder beet over the silage to boost the energy and off we go. The minute I leave the road we indulge in the ‘bambi on ice’ experience. It isn’t merely that the snow has melted (and it’s now raining again) but the ground is sodden. We’re on top of a hill here, the soil is well draining, and there is water standing because it’s nowhere to go. So I find a relatively dry bit and scatter the silage about for the ewe lambs who at least greet it enthusiastically.

Then it’s back to get some fodder beet for the lambing ewes. Their silage is already in a ring feeder and that’s still got plenty in.

So eventually, I’ve seen everybody, made sure everybody’s fed, and of course by now it’s stopped raining. So peel off the soaking over-trousers and hang them up so they’ll be dry next time I need them. Peel off the soaking jacket and put it to dry. Take off shirt and jumper and put them on the cooker rail so their wet patches dry. Make coffee and drink the same.

You know what, this international fame and stardom, plus of course the compulsory adulation of the masses, isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

Hence if you get a chance, then do yourself a favour and get yourself a copy of ‘Tomb-yard Follies.’

Then you achieve two important results. The first is that you have something fun to do rather than watching telly because the weather is miserable. The second is that you help give me a chance to prove to the world that I am so well grounded that unimaginable wealth (or at least my share of your 98p) will not spoil me.

Mwah hah ahahrgh… I’m in the middle of a post along similar lines about the joys of combining multi-million dollar authordom with real life. I have sold LITERALLY ones of my latest book this month. Thereby learning that cliff hanger endings, rather than stand alone books, are my friend! And it’s splatty rain here, too. I wish it would just snow properly or piss off! 😉 Phnark.

At the moment the weather merely threatens, so I fixed the door handle and did another blog post. Still waiting for sponsorship and companies to get round to paying me silly money to endorse their products

All that rain can’t be good for anybody. 😀 😛 I guess life goes on and time waits for no man. If you want to eat, it’s good to have some sheep as backup even if they take a lot of work.
Interesting peek at your day.

In which a Yank learns that you cannot purchase a novel via Amazon UK and further discovers the cost of inflation when digital media crosses the pond. I hope you eventually make great use of the $1.49 from my purchase. I was entirely captured by picturing an octogenarian roof-running with the aid of burly assistance and a sedan chair.