Friday, May 29, 2009

Ok i dont know how to deal with this. This is my mothers real father. He was active in my moms life up until about 10 yrs ago. So i was 13-14 yrs old. Then my gpa's new wife(not my mothers mom) decided she didnt want my mom to be anything of the new family. So she made my gpa stop talking to us and all my moms half brothers and sisters had to stop talking to us too. My step gma never let me talk to him or even see his new great grandbabies. So i find out this morning from my mom, who found out from one of her half brothers that my gpa past away last night from heart failure and blood clots in his lungs and a bunch of other stuff. So my mom tells me and i cant stop crying. I was really close to him and even when his new wife wouldnt let him talk to us i would try calling his cell and have like 5 min conversations with him once a month to just see how he was. And let me tell you this, we moved aways form him 11 yrs ago, we moved to Texas and he was in Utah where my mom is from. And i moved back to Utah about 4 years ago. and tried my hardest to see him and keep in contact with him. I hadnt seen him in over 6 yrs so i had no clue what he looked like, i mean yeah he was older so he wouldnt change much but he had been sick and we knew it so i didnt know how much it had affected him.Well one day when i was at the pharmacy in walmart i saw a guy that i thought looked like my gpa. Well he was 2 ppl ahead of my in the line to get medicine and i stood there behind this guy for a good 10 minutes and debated with myself weather or not to ask this guy if he was Mike(my gpa's name). Well i finally just said Mike and he turned around. OMG!!! It was my gpa, i was so happy and we got our medicine and then stood in walmart for a good 30 mintues just talking and hugging each other. He finally got to see 2 of his great grandbabies( one wasnt born yet so he doesnt know what my youngest looks like, which i regret but i couldnt do anyhting about it since my youngest is only 4 months old and havent been back to utah in the last 5 months.) And i remembered today that i had taken a picture of my gpa with my two kids that he did get to meet. So i went searching all over my computer to find it and remembered that it was a picture that i had taken with my camera phone. I was gettin really worried that i had deleted it off my phone or lost the phone that i had with them on it. But i finally found it and i printed it out and put it on my new phone and put the picture as my new screen background on my computer. But anyways when my mom called me this morning and told me about it, this time when i saw him just kept replaying in my mind and i still cant get it out of my head. Along with all the memories that i have of him and i just out on his farm feeding horses and riding four wheelers. I am feeling really sad that he is gone and cant even have phone calls with my kids like i did with him. I cant even call him anymore and have the 5 min calls to just see how he is. At least i know that he isnt in pain anymore and is in heaven with our heavenly father. My gpa was a great man but did have his flaws like allppl. But i love him for the years that i had with him. Sorry this is a ramble i just dont have anyone to talk to about this and i feel i can share with you mamas. This is also hitting me so hard because this is the first really close family memeber to me that has past away. I havent had to deal with this before. I am kinda regretting not spending more time with him. I feel like he has lost out on so many things since passing away. He had so many great ppl that love him.