>Just put up different variations on the concept of "Mystery Special". That way, when someone orders it, you can make them whatever you want.
or
>A Number of obscure, but exciting novelty meals: Granny's Breakfast Machine, Count Chocozumastein's Cocoa-pocalypse, Cheese Platter of the Gods, Everything-on-a-cob, and Chicken Steak.

>.... You at least have some water, oil, and salt right ? Because otherwise that's gonna be impossible to even cook anything. Seriously, beg, borrow or steam from neighbors if you must but you're gonna need a tiny bit more

>If you do, you can make a "Subterranean Golden Queen Extravaganza" special. In a plate, one third mashed potatoes, one third fried potatoes and one baked potato