Deer with a Beer: Day 20

In the space of a week, he’d gone from being down on his luck, drunk and without his wife, to winning her back and having life back to how it should be. He still couldn’t believe his luck.

Rudolph was keen to spend a day together with his wife and children and he asked Ruby if she was ok with him seeing them again.

“Of course I’m fine with it!” she said.

“They’ve missed you so much, Blitzen didn’t really like the kids and had them playing sleeping lions in their beds most days in a bid to keep them quiet.* As long as the beer stays away, you can be a part of our lives again”.

*Sidenote: we have tried and tested this ‘game’ purely as a joke. It backfired somewhat when the kids actually ended up enjoying being sent to bed to see who could be the quietest and left us baffled. We were completely flummoxed. Yet bedtime comes round, and their beds are the least appealing place to be, ever. Who knows how their little minds work…i sure as hell don’t.

“I’ll pop home Rudy and sort the kids out and we will come over to yours in an hour. Is that ok?” Ruby asked.

“Sure, that sounds perfect. I’ll pop home and tidy up and I’ll see you and the kids shortly” he replied.

Rudolph made his way home to tidy his place up and get ready for his family arriving. It shouldn’t be too untidy as he hadn’t been there much to make a mess of late.

Upon arriving home, Rudolph found the front door ajar and could hear music blaring out.

“What the hell?!” he thought.

“Have I been burgled?!”

As he tentatively made his way indoors, he was greeted by the sight, and smell, of Big Brown Bear, completely passed out on the living room floor, surrounded by alcohol and with Shania Twain’s, “Man, I feel like a woman” blaring out.

The whole house was a state and stank like a farmyard which had been subjected to a beer and puke explosion.

“BEAR!!!!!!!” screamed Rudolph.

“What in the name of all that is holy have you done to my house?!?! You complete arsehole!!!!”

But it was no use, Bear was comatose and didn’t give a sh&% that the house was a mess. The world could have self destructed and he wouldn’t even have noticed.

Rudolph looked at the clock, and then at the mess. Then at the clock, and then at the mess. He had 10 minutes left to clean the house before Ruby and the kids arrived and there was no chance he was going to manage it.

Then he had a lightbulb moment (i know, this is the second one he’s had in a month! He’s on fire! Me however, I’ve sadly not had enough Gin this month to have one of those…ill have to fix that over Christmas).

“I know…” Rudolph thought.

“I know I’ve been told not to, but the only way I’m going to get this place tidy in time is with the help of my magic ingredient…Beer. JUST ONE!! If I have one beer, it’ll kick in like the other times in the past and I’ll get this crap hole tidy in no time”.

He wasted no time, he cracked open a beer and necked it.

Within 2 minutes, he began cleaning like he’s never cleaned before…he was a lean, mean, cleaning machine, but sadly his nose was now glowing like it used to when he was larruped as well. How was he going to be able to hide that from Ruby?!

He managed to get most of the stuff cleaned away and the sick off the floor. But sadly, he couldn’t move Big Brown Bear. He was like weetabix that had dried on the floor. Completely unmovable.

…and with that, the doorbell rang and Rudolph froze, like a deer in the headlights.

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Oh, hello you!

My name is Gemma, I'm a married mum to 3 feral boys & I'm the one who writes this drivel. I hope you enjoy your visit to my blog where you'll find cocktail & baking recipes, parenting rants, crafts & day out ideas.

So sit back, grab a G&T, hide in the loo for some peace and quiet and enjoy...