Where feelings can be expressed without speaking words

Hopeful to hopeless.....

As an optimist and writing, thinking and saying 'hopeless' feels sad.

I have always believed in eating right and working out. It has been my belief since I was young kid. The past few years, I have been struggling to shed off some weight. I regularly work out at least 3-5 times a week.

But this year 2011 has been one of the worst. Starting mid January, I started eating whole wheat roti for more than a month. It made very very thirsty and drinking a lot of water before bed, made me sleepless. So I switched back to whatever I used to eat. Sometimes cereal, soup, vegetables, but nothing heavy for the most part. Then back in May, I noticed 5 lba gain, which is unusual.

So, I started running in the gym, a whole month didn't seem to change anything. I joined LA Fitness and started working out in different classes. After 2008, I hadn't joined outside gym since I work out in the apt complex. I started taking at least 5 classes per week for 3 months. As my class started end of September, it wasn't regularly 5-6 classes week. It was more like 4 classes. But after 5 months, I didn't notice a single pound go down.

Last I talked to LA fitness trainer, he really really forced me and tried me to buy the trainer, a contract for a year. He tried to brainwash me 'the only way to lose weight it to do my getting a trainer'.

Since I was having all problems, sleepless, getting hungry all the time, not losing weight, I went to the doctor. I did all tests, glucose, cholesterol, some fat test, you name it. Everything came out normal, other than I have a little more LDL this point.

I look at what I eat, it seems fine, but I can still improve. So, the same week, I started on working on my 'Abs' during lunch time for half hour. After a month, here I am, same thing. Frustrated, disappointed and now hopeless. May be I am supposed to be fat, regardless how healthy I eat and how much I workout. Sadly I have to accept this now.

And, I have come to conclusion and have lost hope and I definitely may be eat like an elephant. That could be why, I don't seem to be able to stay fit, which I used to be. I hope no one else has to go through this pain. Salt to injury, for the past few weeks, I feel hungry a lot.