I've lived a life of madness and mayhem. I’ve had diabetes for 50 years and have been addicted to one substance of another for 45 of those years. It has been a beautifully joyful and painful schizophrenic ride: drugs, booze, women, music, writing, and learning with each new success or defeat. This blog tries to come to grips with all of life's fractures and contains everything--even you.

About Me

I've recently published my memoir, JUNK SICK: CONFESSIONS OF AN UNCONTROLLED DIABETIC, on Smashwords. The link to that and an accompanying interview can be gotten to at:
http://smashwords.com/books/view/715

Thursday, July 8, 2010

MEDITATION ON RACE & BULLSHIT

We are waitingon Lebronto make a decisiontonighton our national sportsplatform.Ho hum.He'll decideto playon any one of fivehardwoods in majorcommercial markets.Whatever decisionhe makeswill make me sad;sad for the soulsof all black folksand sad for the white folkswho's souls were blackwho's assholeshe's fuckingwithout knowinghe's fucking them.I think of Jack,fingers in the cuntsof blond broads,gold teeth blindingthe eyes of cops;Joe & Sugar Ray,Jack Robinson, & X,& MLK, & Marcus & Stokely,Roi/Amiri, Spike & Chris;white Jews who traveledSouth, placed barricades& dodged dogs& clubs; Abernathy, Ashe,Ali, Dundee, & LBJ that Texasshitkicking ballbreaker.All that work; all thatblood; all that grief; allthose lives. For what?So that we now have a new vaudevillefilled with entertainers? New blackface. New dancers & partners &singers of tunesso easily forgotten like Chinese foodon a Sunday.

It seems the worstof the white racehave won.They've taken the bestof rhythm, dance, speech,sound, colors, grace, strengthand style and breathed it inand exhaled a corporation, a label,a signifier,a signature,that lures us intothe worst sleep.It has given us Lebronand Barack;nice enough people, perhaps,but without edge,without courage,without heart.I look at the ghettos,the schools, the prisons,the six o'clock news,and see further erosionof most thingsblack without barely a glancea wordfrom our president.He has been deftat using his raceto avoid itwhile signifying it.The countryand the worldas isdeserve no better.We've knownfor a long timewhat is rightand made a leftturn.

Ho hum.

I had hopedagainst my wishnot to hopethat Lebronand some of the others,would have stepped forwardand played for MJin Charlottefor, if they had to,slave wages:mere millions.Not because I'm especially fond of MJ,which I am,but because he could use their help andhe's black. The firstblack ownerin NBA history. Maybe some thinkthat's no longer something,but it is.

Watching the Celtic/Cav series,I saw Lebron collapsefrom a champion's stress;they took his heartand stopped it.He was a long way from Alinot stepping forward orcoming out for the last roundin Manilla.Lebron lookedlike he wanted to be taken out.Fuck em,I said to myself,and moved on.Now, this most favored of gifted athleteswants moneyand championships and will createthe most direct lineto get them--and he will.And in these times,he will be idolizedby millions,if not billionswho have the memoryand heartof a flea.