Disclaimer

Don't do it. Don't try and get at me cuz I said something about you or your mama or I posted a picture of you lookin' a hot stank ass mess. I know damn well I didn't take that picture nor do I care to take any credit for doing so. I also will talk about you and whoever else I damn well feel like talkin about. Should you have an issue with that, feel free to keep it movin. I makes no apologies. It is what it is and like I done said....Yeah, I Said It. And What? Bitches!!!

Thursday, January 31, 2008

Mkay, I don't know about ya'll but I love me a hilarious nerdy white bitch aka Tina Fey. Love her! She has a new movie coming out called "Baby Mama" and at first I did furrow my brow, scrunch up my lips, give the crooked eye and say, Whatchu Talkin Bout Tina Fey?! Cuz you know...those two words have implications that I don't even feel like discussing. Anyhooo....the trailer is out and the movie looks like I must see! It looks well written, very clever, funny, and of course is nothing like what the title is suggesting. Or so from what I can tell from the trailer. If you love corny white people who make you bust a gut, this one is for you!

BestWeekEver did an interview with Jack from Project Runway...you know the cute one that had to leave cuz he got Superbug? But he's better now, still involved with the show, friends with Victorya (Gasp!), and has a role in the upcoming Sex and the City movie as Gay Guy #2!! Love it!

Michelle:First of all, how are you?Jack: I am great.Mich:What have you been up to these past couple months?Jack: There’s still some involvement with the show. There is a lot of press and interviews like this. I actually developed a whole menswear line, but at this point going from samples to production is a huge jump, and I don’t know if I am up for that yet. But you can see all of that on my website: http://www.jackmackenroth.com/. There’s a whole collection now with photos and my model is really cute. You have to go look at him.

Mich:Onto more important things: How are you feeling?Jack: Great. That was really blown out of proportion. Five days later I was out of the hospital. I was kind of bummed they weren’t really clear about that. People think it is in real time and they are emailing “Are you okay?” Which is great, but a little overwhelming. It was a serious thing and also not serious. Very curable. But in those five days I was gone, I’d miss three challenges or two and a half. Even so, it was a contagious bacteria, it wasn’t just me I was worried about.

About Christian....Mich:Who is your favorite without giving anything away?Jack: My favorite is Christian.Mich:I think you are correct.Jack: I mean just what he can do is like… it’s crazy.Mich:Even the architecture of his hair is amazing.Jack: That alone should win a prize. Maybe 10 grand.

On being Gay Guy#2 in Sex and the City

Jack: ...Sarah Jessica had her own special make up trailer because, well, she’s the star. When she got done, she was talking to Kristin. It seems like they are good friends in real life. And so they’re chatting and Sarah Jessica looks over at me and asks “How do I know you?” But [the Project Runway contestants] signed this really exclusive confidentiality agreement. And this was before the show aired. They hadn’t even announced the cast yet.Mich:Ahhh, TelevisionJack: So when nobody was looking, I whispered to Sarah Jessica: “Project Runway!” And she was like “Oh my god! Totally!” Then Kristin Davis was like, “What? What? What? I wanna know, I wanna know” And I was like “I’m sorry, I can’t say.” It was cute. They are super, super nice. [whisper] Although, they didn’t talk to Kim Cattrall.Mich:Get out of hereJack: She has a separate trailer. I don’t know how much I want to get into this, but they do their blocking separately, at least in my scene. Then she comes up and does the scene with them and then she leaves and doesn’t even talk to them. It’s weird.

Stop it. DK was on Miss Jones' morning show on Hot 97 talking about how Fantasia is a better singer than Keyshia Cole and AUBREY is the one talking the most shit....how she didn't buy her album and how she was on YouTube sounding a hot mess. WHAT?! Does Aubrey not know that Key-Key, Neffie, and all 12 of her brothers and sisters, cousins, and uncles will beat that bitch into next week?! And then of all people, AUBREY talking about somebody singing??!!! She said Keyshia been running around MTV singing wrong notes. Sheezuz 4th of July....I thought I had nerve. This bitch clearly doesn’t care. Granted they said every time they've seen Keyshia she's been rude to them and Keyshia kicked one of them (HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA) and then kicked the door closed...I mean, that's how Key-Key do bitches. But I would certainly recommend for all of DK to watch ya moufs....if Neffie getatcha, it’s a wrap.

I know I am! Jill Scott, who just like you and me, just wants to be loved, is back on tour! For those of you lucky enough to have witnessed Jill live then you know she is not to be missed. Her voice is simply phenomenal....but more importantly, her words....her words....her words.

If The Real Thing is coming to a town near you, make it your business to experience J. Scott.

I haven't done any post on the whole Kwame Kilpatrick scandal....you know, the mayor of Detroit who was fuckin his Chief of Staff. Yeah....him. I haven't had too much to say about it because what is there to say? He's a dumb ass? Another young black man who was an inspiration to other young black men getting caught on some dumb shit? Married people fuck other people on a regular basis....married Mayors and Chiefs of Staff should know that fuckin and textin is just plain ol' ignid. Just askin to get caught. Not too mention this whole thing came out because he got caught stealing too. But um anyway, he has finally made a public apology and most specifically wants to apologize to those in the Barbershops, the Beauty Shops, and those in Church who supported him and had to hear such horrendous things about him. And well, he's sorry. See for yourself.....

But wait, there is more. Do remember the infamous "Leave Britney Alone" video made by that crazy white boy who was crying in the camera and had snot and stuff coming out his nose. Well um, some White Boy did a re-make of that called "Leave Kwame Alone"....did he say Christine Beaty looks like Scottie Pippen? Yeah, he did. I don't even know what to say....Detroit? Anyone?

I've just listened to some new music by Brandy, who is one of my all time favorites, and the song has me wondering if the sun will ever come out again. The song is called "Doesn't Really Matter" and it is about her (or somebody) trying to take their life. I know Brandy has been through some serious situations....the most horrendous being the fatal car accident in which she was charged for the death of the woman in the vehicle she hit. The good thing about music is that it allows you to vent, sing what you can't say, and connect to just one other person who either feels your joy or pain.

I do hope that this song was therapeutic for Brandy....we all go through it...I love you Bran....there is always tomorrow.

P.S. Brandy....altho I understand where your head is at, I really need for you to add some tunes I can pop 'n' loc to on the album mkay? Ain't gone be too much of Doesn't Really Matters....can't do it boo.

Janet looks fabulous in these new promo pics! Very reminiscent of her "Velvet Rope" days with a sprinkle of "Janet"....she is one of the very few that can pull of the shy, sexy, come play with me look.....definitely loving it!

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Mkay...I've come to the conclusion that Barbara Walters purposely keeps Sherri Shepherd on The View because she wants the world to see that black people are stupid. I can't think of any other reason. She keeps Whoppi on there so that the one other black person can put Sherri in her place and remind her of her ignorance so Barbara or the other white people don't have to do it....cuz you know, it might make them look racist. I mean, who would keep this woman on their show when she is constantly talking out of the side of her neck and never ever contributes anything meaningful or worthwhile? Her place on the show is to be the jackass idiot and she is too dumb to realize it...or she just doesn't care.

So what am I talking about?

On The View this morning, Sherri Shepherd recounted her close call of almost missing the cutoff for registering to vote via absentee ballot for the election in November. (Shepherd resides in New York, but is a California resident.) And apparently this is the first time that Sherri will be voting...ever! Having turned 18 in 1985, the now-41-year-old has missed out on the past five presidential elections because she "never knew the dates or anything." She said it was important to vote in this one, though, because otherwise, she wouldn't have a right to complain on The View about whomever is elected for an entire year. (She probably meant to say "four years.")

Now if admitting that she had never voted was the only ignorant thing out of her mouth then I think we could have let it slide....but this bitch said "she never knew the dates or anything"....this bitch is somebody's mother. I can't. I just can't.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Gawker.com posted a piece about what people, men especially, should say after they finish wiping somebody down. Some sexpert said the following:

I've enlisted the help of sex-book authors Steve and Vera Bodansky, who suggest one use the moment to declare: "I loved it when I slowly entered your pussy and you said, 'Oh, God, that feels so good!' It sent a fantastic electrical feeling from my penis to my head and back."Yeah....um, mkay. My mother reads my blog sometimes so I'll pretend I'm a virgin and say I have no idea what I would say after sex. But I could make up some things I would think one would say.

If it was actually good:

1. In the words of Yonce...damn that was so good, I wanna buy you a short set. But if you aren't from the south (like me and had no fuckin idea what a short set was - seriously I didn't think she really meant like shorts with a shirt -- a for real short set) you can say I wanna buy you a large ice cream cone from Coldstone. And baby, you get sprinkles and whipped cream on top.If he's lactose...you know, just improvise.

2. OK, now that you got a sip of water and your breathing is normal, can we do it on the kitchen sink?

3. Thanks for sweatin out my perm boo...I hope you know where to leave them dollars so I can get my touch up.4. Didn't know I could do the split, huh?

If it was wack and a waste of your damn time:

1. Can you hand me my v8 on your way out?2. Oh I'm sorry, I didn't see it.3. Yeah so um, did I tell you I was moving? 4. I fell asleep while you were poking me...say what now?

Well where do I begin? Should I start with the fact that I didn't say shit about D.Wood's hair on the KING cover because I just thought they tried to do something different to jazz it up for the photo shoot. This bitch is really walking the streets with that brussel sprout half-in-half fuggin wig! Like why??? Then Aubrey...I loved how Diddy purposely tried to stir up some drama by having her stay behind to tell her that he doesn't like the kind of press she's getting cuz that's fuckin up shit with the group. Diddy know as we all do that any press is good press (unless you Britney) and she the only one getting any kind of press and he loves it. But she's a mess of all proportions.

The guys...why did I totally forget that the lil fug boy Brian made it to the band. Right now, I don't have too much to say about them. But in the words of Aundrea.....they're boys, I want a man!

The limo ride....fun times. They are such cornballs. All of them.

The clubbin....I actually like the Dawn/Q hook-up....but um, he's only 19????? Damn. Aubrey is gonna eat that boy Donnie up. She really wants Willie but Donnie is the easiest at the moment. I actually feel her on the man-eater tip tho. I mean, seriously, is there really any other way?

The studio....Aubrey can't fuckin sing. And what the fuck was that lace shit she had around her head?! I'm glad Donnie knows that cheesy = TRL #1. The boys sound good so far...but then Diddy came in there and told them their shit was wack and dude sounded like some fake ass Jodeci....I was like hmmmm, maybe that's why I thought it was good. I'm actually more interested in what they are going to sound like than DK. Altho, I just listened to DK's alleged first single called "Damaged" and me likey....a lot.

Anyway...this ep did not get me as pumped as I thought I would be....but I know there is much more drama to come. Until next week....

Monday, January 28, 2008

Root.com, an online magazine with Black perspective on politics, culture and history, features a new article by Kim McClarin. She talks about how great Barack is and why she loves him...but it was indeed Michelle, "or, more particularly, his choice of her as wifely material" that made her fall deeper for the amazing, delectable, deliciousness that is Barack Obama.

She says, of our future First Lady:

"The first time I saw Michelle Obama I thought, oddly, of a line from Ntozake Shange's epic choreopoem For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide/When The Rainbow Is Enuf:

ordinarybrown

braided woman

with big legs

and full lips

reglar

Of course, Michelle Obama is tall and regal and utterly self-possessed. She owns a smile to nearly rival her husband's and waves those long, slender fingers about like a classical pianist. She carries more talent, clarity, deep self-knowledge, and openness of heart in the left eyelash she lost unnoticed yesterday than any woman on the trail. The notion that this woman is "reglar" is, prima facie, absurd."

And of course, I know exactly what she means and I love that she understands why a vote Barack and Michelle is a vote for you, for me, for us.

Kelly Ro...it's been a minute since I've talked to you boo! How u doin? Awwriiight! Good to hear it. So um, I see you got a job and I'm not mad at you! Was it your idea to wear the Peacock thong corset? If so, good for you! Learning that sex sells at age 20 however old you are is a good look. And since when you get all that junk in your trunk? Yonce finally let you have the last chicken wing from Popeyes?! Word has it that you are trying to become some kind of dancing queen and are working the club circuits in London and throughout the U.K. I say make it do wut it do Kelly Ro! You know I love you and I am so happy you have finally realized that you gets no love over here in the states. Dancing at club G.A.Y is the best thing for you right now. Continue to think outside the box, just like I told you. Stay pretty and naked! Love you boo!

Barack won in South Carolina. Yup. We knew this would happen and he basically shut it down by garnering more than 80% of the black vote. Yeah. He made it do wut it do. Check.

But more importantly, Barack Obama is being endorsed by Camelot....The Kennedys! Since JFK, there hasn't been a presidential candidate and/or president who has evoked such a feeling of excitement, inspiration, belief, and hope. Daughter of JFK, Caroline Kennedy says:

"I have never had a president who inspired me the way people tell me that my father inspired them. But for the first time, I believe I have found the man who could be that president — not just for me, but for a new generation of Americans."

That title alone has Hillary about to lose her mind.....but then, when she learned that today Sen. Edward M. Kennedy, an icon of Democratic Party politics and Caroline's uncle, plans to endorse Obama....yeah, she prolly shed some real tears....you know, instead of that bootleg watery eye that helped her win in New Hampshire.

Some of us are born with natural gifts. There are those that can sing, those that can do ridiculously difficult math equations in their head, those that can paint master pieces, those that can put words on paper that evoke feelings and thoughts that you never knew existed...yes there are many of us who are just born gifted.

But then there are those with a gift that is exceptional and simply amazing. There are those who have been gifted with the ability to communicate with our spirit guides, envision the future, and help us as we make our way through the ever-changing, roller coaster ride we call life. I've met a man who has this amazing gift and I think you should meet him too.

His name is Quassan. He is an African American clairvoyant-medium and motivational lecturer. In my opinion, the best part about Quassan is that within a matter of moments of being in his presence, you can feel that no matter what he tells you, it is all coming from a very sincere and genuine place. He is capable of telling you things that you cannot believe he knows before you even open your mouth. He doesn't tell you what he thinks you want to hear nor does he spend time going "Um you are searching for something......your....your...your.." and then you say "My daddy?!" and he says "Right! Your daddy!" No my friends, this man is real in every sense of the word. And more importantly, his focus is truly helping you to heal and uplift your spirit. He wants you to grow, wants you to evolve, and wants you to find whatever is that you believe is your happiness.

Quassan is located in Bloomfield, NJ but does phone readings as well and has clients throughout the country and outside of the U.S. If you have ever been curious about those that are protecting you or may have questions about what you can be doing to manifest the life that you dream of, Quassan can help you.

Even this 9 year old knows that Bush is a fuckin 'tard. And his breath stink.

I've been asked to break down the events of this picture. It went a lil something like this:

GWB: Uh, hello lil girl. What's your name?

Lil Girl: My mama says you are the reason that this country is dealing with a recession and why my daddy is still in Iraq and my uncle is in Afghanistan.

GWB: Well uh, see I just went to Iraq for the first time the other day. I don't really know too much about that. But uh, hey you wanna see a magic trick?

Lil Girl: My mama says you are an idiot and you are the reason all those people died in Hurricane Katrina. You knew for a long time those levees weren't going to sustain that hurricane and you didn't do anything about it. You also knew that the 9th Ward was the area that would be the most devastated. You knew people didn't have the means to evacuate. And you did nothing. You came days after the Hurricane just to look around and pretend to care. And people are still homeless, living in trailers without plumbing and the clean-up situation is stagnant years later. Why President Bush?

GWB:Ummmmm, I can break dance. Wanna see? Hey, what you know about superman that ho? Oh, I do it to Laura all the time! She loves it! Hey let's take a picture...

Hence the arm around the little girl and why she has that look on her face.

So yeah, I watch Project Runway, but I don't know shit about fashion. So maybe someone can explain to me why the fuck Sarah Jessica Parker is rockin a ginormous blue and purple tie-dye fluffy donut? Like is this supposed to be cute? Just askin.

Thursday, January 24, 2008

My friends over at Best Week Ever found this video starring homosexual whales. That's right. Homosexuwhales. It's funny, wrapped in hilarious, wrapped in omg stop it. OK not really, but it made me giggle. So enjoy!

So last night's Project Runway was yet again another interesting episode with the designers being challenged to work with denim. Levi's to be exact. Something about re-creating the spirit of the 501 legacy. So basically, they had to take some jeans and make it do wut it do. And did they.

Did ya'll see my big daddy Chris running? And who told Sweet Pea denim was material for a wedding dress? Thank Bejeezuz for Tim Gunn. And of course me and my poodle Christian are so on the same page...giving Ricky the "bitch why are you still here look?"

But then of course, Ricky finally decided it was time to show and prove.

Sweet P. She worked it. On the runway I thought, I would wear that, but looking at it now...I take it back. Still cute tho.

I almost shed a tear because I thought this Charlotte Russo piece a shit Chris created was going to get him sent home again.

Fierce!!! I would rock the hell out of this whole shaboodble...Christian and all.

I was pissed Jillian was making another coat. It came out looking like a dress. Me no likey but it was better than the Vicksters.

Yeah, have I mentioned that Rami is dope?

And the winner is....Ricky. And he deserved it. I think I already have this dress.

And Victorya ain't do shit but add some fabric to a jacket. Clean up your work space bitch.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

I just took a very interesting quiz my friend sent me (Have I told you that I love you today, Shortie?!). The quiz is to determine which candidates are most aligned with your views and opinions. Do you even know why you are voting for whoever you are voting for?

Mkay, stop it right now. Yonce and Tina Turner are doing a duet at the Grammy's! WOW! I mean, seriously, shut up! Yonce and Tina? Crazy in Love and What's Love Got to Do With It? I am toooooo excited to see this! I mean I thought Yonce and Prince may have given the best duet at a Grammy ever.....but I'm thinking Yonce and Tina may just shut it down forever.

His body was found at 3:26 pm yesterday. By 5:04 pm I had three people IMing asking if I knew that Heath Ledger was dead. I told one friend, no you late boo, you talking about Brad Renfro. She was like read CNN bitch, it's Heath! I was shocked and saddened. My next thought was Matilda. She's actually one of the cute lil white celeb babies. I was like damn, Matilda doesn't have a daddy. My next thought was why Heath? I hope you didn't do this on purpose. Do we have to have a River Phoenix in every generation?

I liked Heath. See I put Heath on my Something New list years ago when he was in that movie 10Things I Hate About You. I liked his long curly unruly hair. But you know, then I grew up and I didn't really think about him too much until Monster's Ball. I also remember thinking that I really liked him and Naomi Watts as a couple....like he would be the guy dating the older woman. But then came Brokeback Mountain and if nothing else, you had to respect him as great actor. He was good as hell in that movie. And at the same time he found love with Michelle and then came Matilda and life was good for Heath. But then they broke up -- the rumor was because of his pill poppin -- but everyone breaks up. It's never that serious. But tell that to Amy Wino.

And I don't know about you, but I was/am so amped to see him as the Joker in the new Batman movie. When the pictures from the set started leaking, I got really excited. He looks scary as hell....he is going to be a better Joker than Jack Nicholson. I can guarantee that that movie is going to make a bazillion more dollars just because everyone wants to see the Joker....see Heath in his last film ever.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Essence has recently interviewed Jill Marie Jones aka Toni Childs to find out what really went down and why she left Girlfriends. For those of us that watch the show, when Toni left, the show pretty much should have ended with her. Honestly, its like Sex in the City without Samantha. Yeah, you care about Carrie but how much of Carrie can you take? You need Samantha to add the spice and the fun. How much of Joan can one take? For one, I can't look at her eyes for too long or my own eyes get big and dry and for 2, Toni was the show. It's just that simple.

Well Jill Marie Jones didn't care who would miss Toni. She was ready to spread her wings after six years and she did. Granted, she's only spread her wings to a liquor commercial (Baileys on ice please), a part in Jessica Simpson's strait to DVD 1/2 price off Major Movie Star movie and another strait to DVD movie that won't nobody ever watch (Does anybody even go to Blockbuster anymore?). She is currently filming a movie with Ice Cube and KeKe Palmer so that might actually make it to the theaters. Point is, she really didn't have any other reason to leave except...well, she felt like it. Deal with it.

Essence.com:Do you miss being a part of "Girlfriends"?

J.M.J: I do miss Girlfriends. I don’t know if people know this, but Girlfriends was only my third audition. I booked my first audition for City Guys, a Saturday morning show. My second audition I didn’t book and then Girlfriends was my third, so you have to understand that I still very green to this industry and there was the whole film world that I didn’t know. So when I left Girlfriends after six years, there was just so much I wanted to know and do. I’ve just been having a ball having opportunities to do movies. It’s just been great.

Essence.com:Were you unable to pursue a film career while on the show?

J.M.J.: You have to understand when you do a television show that you go to work every day and come home and sleep in your own bed, which is great. It’s like having a regular 9-to-5. But you’re on hiatus for about two-and-a-half to three months in the summer. In order to do a film you would really have to book a job and shoot it in those few months. And because most television shows are in Los Angeles, it limits you. Already I’ve been to Louisiana twice to shoot two different films. I love the consistency of television, but it keeps you in Los Angeles and away from traveling to do other projects.

Essence.com:Nothing wrong with spreading your wings, which brings me to your departure from Girlfriends. Tracee Ellis Ross said in an interview that the reason you didn’t return was because the cast did not receive the huge raise they were expecting. Is that true?

J.M.J.: First of all, let me tell you why I left. I left because I wanted to do movies. My contract was up after my sixth season and people forget that just like the network can choose whether or not to renew your contract, I can also choose and evaluate whether or not I want to come back. My actor’s chair that has Girlfriends and my name on it, you know the director’s chair? Well, on the very last day of my sixth season, I told them to grab my chair and put it in my car for me. So why would I take my chair if I thought I was coming back? Believe you me, I would tell you. I’ve never made a decision based on money. I was on the show for six years and I think that’s a good run. There’s so much more I want to do in my career and so much more I want to know and learn, but my departure definitely had nothing to do with money.

Essence.com:So were you aware that this was the explanation given for your departure?J.M.J: Someone sent that article to me a long time ago when it first came out, and you know, I love Tracee, I love Golden, I love Persia, I love Reggie. I really do feel like I was in the University of Girlfriends. I learned so much from them. I mean, where I started on Girlfriends and where I ended up is like night and day and that’s because of the great cast I had to learn from. It’s difficult when something has been set up for six years and then something changes. I didn’t get upset about the comment. It’s all good.

Essence.com:Well, the second part of Tracee’s quote expressed her sadness that after six years of working together you didn’t share your decision to leave with the cast. Is that true?

J.M.J: I’ll be completely honest: I just didn’t really. I wish I had a better answer or could tell you that I even thought about it. Maybe it was a lapse of judgment, maybe I should have called—I didn’t really think about it. When my call came in to say, ‘We’re going to pick up Girlfriends for another season, does Jill want to come back?’ My management and I were like, ‘Thank you, but no thank you.’ So maybe I should have made phone calls, but I didn’t really think about it. When the cast first came back for their seventh season, I sent them all—individually, every single person of Girlfriends—a big bouquet of flowers. I didn’t leave Girlfriends because I was upset or wanted more money. It really wasn’t that deep. It’s so disappointing that because I wanted to dream bigger or experience something new, it received all this hoopla and drama around it. I really just wanted to do movies. It really was just that simple.

Um, Tank is the only man who comes up to my stomach and I still want to wipe down on a regular basis. Like, damn....I love me some Tank. Good gravy I love me some Tank. Did I say I love me some Tank??? Anyway, Celebrity Baby Blog has a pic of Tank's daughter Zoey Mykhale. I want a DNA test stat! This baby don't look like Tank. His baby motha know she was hittin Genuwine at them TGT rehearsals. Don't this look like Genuwine baby?

So I know it happens....you might be in church or even a meeting at work and you weren't tired before you stepped in that piece, but the next thing you know, you are nodding off, mouth open, and waking up because you can feel the drool leaking out the side of your mouth. You jump up, wipe it off, look around, and think, oh shit, I hope nobody saw that.

Well Bill Fuckin Clinton, WE SAW YOU! How you gonna be straight up knocked the fuck out while the son of Martin Luther King, Jr. is speaking??? Not to mention you are sitting on the stage RIGHT BEHIND HIM???? If you think this is gonna help your wife, you are so mistaken. I mean, she already thinks that the reason MLK's dream began to see achievement is thanks to Nixon. And now you show that you really could give a fuck and decide to take a nappy nap. SMH.

Monday, January 21, 2008

Friday, January 18, 2008

Lily Allen had a miscarriage. A rep for Lily says: “We can confirm that Lily Allen has suffered a miscarriage. She and her partner Ed Simons will be making no further comment and we ask that their privacy be respected during this difficult time.”

I actually feel really bad for Lily because despite her tendencies, she was really excited about her baby, and well, it sucks for anyone to have to go through this. I just assumed her baby would be an asthmatic with delays. But maybe this serves as a lesson to all of you who may decide to continue to populate this already grossly populated and jacked up place we call Earth....no smoking, no drinking, no druggin. Let your baby grow in your natural womb juices. K?

This has been a public service announcement from F.U. You know, cuz uh, she cares and stuff.

You have to wonder whether Amy listens to her own music. I mean, it always makes me feel better. My Tears Always Dry On Their Own because she tells me its my responsibility and that asshole rat bastard doesn't owe shit to me. And I understand and then I'm good.

I would just think she would listen to her album and then feel better. You know, not need to shoot up anymore. She showed up to her husband's court thing and yelled across the room: "I love you handsome, you gorgeous one"....but Amy, do you think you are giving him good thoughts to jerk off to in his cell with you coming to court looking like you just stepped off the set of Thriller? And damn you Amy for still wearing those ballet slippers!!!!!!!!!!!! WHY???? I wonder if she is attached to them like a blankey or something...without her ballet slippers she feels all alone.

Why won't you put the pipe down Amy?? Please. Word has it that you are going to be allowed to attend the Grammys....how great would it be if you were coherent enough to sing us a song? Do you think you give us the Beehive back? I mean, I know it was so last year and you tried to switch up your look, but the blonde hair only adds to your Return of the Dead look and I hate it. I want you to look pretty at the Grammys. You are up for six of them! This could be your night and I would hate for you to not even remember it happened. And I would hate for you to look like shit on this special day. Oh why do I bother. Talking to a crack head is like...well, talking to a crack head. Just promise me this Amy...no ballet slippers Grammy night.

So I think I promised myself -- after I called that Saleisha would win America's Next Top Model -- that that would be my last season. Altho I did enjoy Assbergers thoroughly -- I mean, I know I'm not the only who never knew someone could make Assbergers look so hot -- I was done. But dammit to hell I just had to go and take a sneak peak at these Cycle 10 bitches.....and I already have favorites...damn you Tyra! Damn you and the CW!

Already loving Atalya. She's cute!

Claire...something about her I'm feeling. I purposely chose not to look at those leg warmers.

Fatima.....skinny as shit, but has something Imanish bout her.

The show is set to return on February 20th....clearly, I'll be watching.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Access Hollywood is reporting that the sham of a fake marriage is already done after only two weeks. Yeah....Eddie and Tracy split up, surprise fuckin surprise. Tracey must have gotten her pay off way earlier than expected. What a waste of time. Why won't Eh-dee just marry Johnny and call it fuckin day already. The flaming closet is calling for your exit Eh-dee....strike a pose boo, there's nothing to it.

OMG...so those of you who know me (and for those just getting to know me) know I have three girlfriends....Liya Kebede, Jessica White, and Eva Mendez...but Liya is my number one. I HEART her. She is the most gorgeous creature. And now we have her most BEAUTIFUL baby girl Raee walking in her mommy's shoes! How friggin beautious are they????

Liya is creating a line of children’s clothes called Lemlem and Raee is her inspiration and her model! Her entire line is made in her home country of Ethiopia. She says: It's wonderful to be able to donate and help people. Yet at the end of the day, Ethiopia has to get out of poverty by economic power and by giving people jobs—it's like that expression, 'Give a man a fish ... teach a man to fish....'" She views Lemlem, which exposes local weavers to Western markets, as a small step in what will hopefully be the start of an industry.

Then I came across something that I found interesting....I learned what "Superman that ho" means. You know, the infamous line from that Soulja Boy song. I personally HATE that song. As ignid and ridiculous as I am, I have limits to how much extra bullshit I can tolerate (sometimes). And funny enough, my nephew asked me to get him Soulja Boy's CD for Christmas and I politely told him HELL DAMN NO. He said, "You don't like Soulja Boy?" (He's 10 going on 11) I told him I didn't and if he liked Soulja Boy, that's fine, but I would not be the one giving that guy my money. I was like you better ask Santa. He said, "Well why don't you like him?" So I went into my Auntie tirade about how I don't respect people who degrade women etc....(he doesn't need to know that I will drop down and get my Eagle On).....and then I realized I really don't even know what "Superman dat ho"....I mean I assumed it meant something along the lines of fuck the shit out of that ho....cuz what else could it mean?

Well someone heard Kirk Franklin talking about the song and then did some research:

Kirk Franklin said he did not let his children listen to the song Souljah boy because of the words and the meaning of Superman.

With that information I needed to find out exactly what superman meant other then the super hero. I google searched Urban dictionary and put the word in and this is what I discovered: Superman is when a guy cums/ejaculates on a girl's back and puts a sheet on her back. When she wakes in the morning and stands up, the sheet is stuck to her back (like a cape) , you have officially supermanned that hoe. Watch Me crank dat Souljah boy now superman dat hoe. My mouth is still hung open with shock - I had no idea.

I had no idea it meant that exactly....I guess the good thing is that maybe the guy who just supermanned the girl actually sticks around until morning to see the cape? Me and the person who looked up the definition may be the only grown people who were clueless. More importantly, why do we listen to this shit? Like even without the words, the song just isn't a good song. And its not just the kids who listen to this....shit, Beyonce supermans that ho at her concert. I didn't have my morning Apple Cider and I'm a lil cranky....that's all.

Stay tuned for your regularly scheduled stank ass dose of F.U.

In case you didn't see American Idol last night.....please enjoy the most amazing -prolly has a lil touch of the Downs- James! Let My Pee-PULL GO!!!!

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

USA Today is reporting that Oprah just inked a deal with Discovery Communication for her own cable channel.

The cable-and-Internet joint venture will include a network she'll run called OWN: The Oprah Winfrey Network. In the cashless transaction, Discovery will contribute its Discovery Health Channel to be rebranded as OWN in 2009 and simulcast in High Definition. The channel, launched in 1999, reaches more than 70 million cable and satellite subscribers. Winfrey's company, Harpo, will kick in her website, Oprah.com, which the companies say tallies more than 6 million unique visitors and 80 million pageviews each month. Winfrey will be chairman of the independent venture, to be named The Oprah Winfrey Network LLC, and wield full editorial control. The partners will look for a CEO to handle day-to-day operations.

Seriously....Lady O....how fuckin amazing are you????? Her empire has just grown to the point where it is just no longer worth discussion.

Lady O says: "For me, the launch of 'The Oprah Winfrey Network' is the evolution of the work I've been doing on television all these years and a natural extension of my (syndicated daytime) show."

The new partners gave no details of programming plans for OWN — or whether it might someday be home for her show. The syndication contract for her TV show with CBS-owned King World Productions expires in 2011.

I am excited!! Not just because Oprah rules the universe, but also because I watch Discovery Health Channel on a regular basis. So I can only imagine that Lady O is going to give it that extra upgrade that will make me love it even more. As long as she don't fuck with my Mystery Diagnosis....

CONGRATS LADY O! If she doesn't inspire you then I don't know what will. This is the lady who collected roaches and made them her friends. Yeah.....dreams most certainly do come true.

So YBF managed to get her hands on these new Baby Phat campaign photos.....Kimora is yummily tantalizing....I think I fall more in love with her everyday....I mean, not only is she the mother of my wish-I-were-her-mini me, Aoki....but she just evokes this "you will never be me so stop trying" fabulousness that you can't help but love. She's gorgeous....especially when she hides her neck rolls. I love you KiKi! (I think I've said that about 3 times in the last 5 days....)