Sauntering toward Bethlehem

Gosh darn it. How did I miss National Ice Cream Sandwich Day? I’m not sure what I was doing that Monday, which was August 2, but I really don’t think I bit into a delicious cold ice-cream sandwich at any time in that 24-hour period. Had I known, had I only known. However, I do know that World Sauntering Day is tomorrow, Saturday, August 28. Which is to say that this is not a day where you want people to say, “he or she strode purposefully along the boulevard” — headed toward fulfilling that target objective with one-pointed precision, like an ant carrying a pupa back to the nest. No, you want the world to see you ambling along the stroll, or strolling along the amble — something that comes utterly natural to me. Heck whiz, I’ve lived most of my life at a cool saunter, barely breaking into a heated clip over anything. Which, in certain quarters, like the French, is thoroughly fine, while in others, is utterly unacceptable.

The idea that we might choose our daily behaviors according to whatever promotion some publicist or trade group is putting forth seems kind of ludicrous, but it might be fun to live one’s life for an entire year by that awareness. It’s National Creamsicle Day? Jeez, where do you buy those? National Smoked Link Day? Sorry, but I’m a vegetarian. As for tomorrow, as in Saturday, I can handle a good saunter. However, I understand it’s also going to be National Peckerwood Take Back August 28 From Those Uppity Black People Day, and I don’t think I can participate in that one. More about that later. Dogwhistle neoconfederate bigotry is one thing; snacks and refreshments are another.

Oh, by the way: Monday is National Toasted Marshmallow Day. I know what I’ll be doing. Do you? —Jackson Griffith