With thoughts of writing this post, I queried my Twitter followers the other day. “When you and your SO find yourself sleeping in a bed that’s not your own, do you fuck? Is the sex different? If you DO have sex in other peoples beds…was it bc you felt compelled to do so bc its “naughty”?”

I had a number of responses that were favorable to having sex in a bed not their own, answers ranging from the “thrill of trying to be quiet” to the “thrill of maybe somebody hearing”. My answer to that question isn’t so cut and dried. I suppose if anything its the “thrill of behaving like teenagers / trying to be quiet” because I sure as shit wouldn’t want my mother knowing!!

To be perfectly honest, the occurrence of sex in the Lilly household has dwindled this year. The reasons mostly being his health or my health. Or my health decreasing my sex drive. So the number of times we’ve had sex in a bed that’s not our own seems relatively high in ratio just because we’re no longer fucking like bunnies as a norm. Primarily the two “not our own” beds are when we visit my mom, and when we stay at his family’s vacation home in Maryland (by ourselves). In Maryland, there’s no need to be quiet. Given the layout of the condos, I kinda doubt anybody would hear me unless we purposely did it during the day with the windows all open so the old fogies on the golf course could hear. Perhaps it’s just something relaxing and different? Or perhaps it is “vacation mentality” where we feel sex is sort of required?

The thing that made me think about all of this is that two fairly big sexual hurdles for me have occurred when staying at my moms.

That sentence kinda disturbs me.

Because it’s not just staying at her place. She’s there, in the guest room, because her bed is the only queen sized bed. Now, granted, I used to have sex on her bed long ago back home but that feels different somehow. Mostly because she was never around, lol.

Months ago I wrote about how I had my second-ever orgasm from oral sex – it happened at my mothers. Well last weekend, something else interesting happened. I don’t come very often with just my fingers…..mostly I get tired or impatient and switch to a vibe – or the situation wasn’t good (like at work). It’s even more rare for it to happen with a partner. Hubs was expertly playing with my g-spot and I was going at my clit with the hope and fervor of a mad woman. I NEEEDED to come. And thanks to hubs, I did. It was super late, we were both battling pains and insomnia and even if I wanted to give up and use a vibe, I couldn’t, since I didn’t bring one.

It just seems odd to me, a little, that the “holy shit I/we did it!!!1!” moments happen not in our bed.

So, weigh in. Do you think being in a different bed is an aphrodisiac of sorts? Have you accomplished any major sexual achievements or firsts in these unfamiliar locations?

It’s late (for me), I had a terrible shitty night of sleep (or lack of) the last two nights, and just feel like rambling.

How sad is it that some bloggers feel they need to make up fake comments on their own posts and other posts about them, just to make it appear that they’re more popular/well-liked then they actually are?

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Long ago, I turned down initial offers for paid advertisements on my blog. I thought “I don’t do this for the money, so I’m not going to have advertisers” and then a few months later as I got more and more offers I realized – that was effing stupid. A text link in the sidebar is about as unobtrusive as you can get, and blogging DOES take time. Why would I turn down a little side money? There are things, though, that I still do turn down. I tried to sign up with a blogger ad site, but didn’t go through with it once I found out that they require you to put their banner ads “above the fold” i.e. right up at the top in the sidebar. I’ve turned down other blogger advertising networks for their garish banner ads that blink and flash. I don’t fault fellow established bloggers who have joined up with these networks, it’s just not for me personally.

But when I come across these newbie Blogger blogs where it’s all advertising, all the time, and they expect me to take them seriously as a sex blogger? No. I recently came across such a blog because the owner tried to leave a comment here. She’d apparently put up some dummy content to get Google Adsense to partner with her site (They won’t partner up with sex blogs, I looked into that for someone before) and there are Google Adsense banner ads in the sidebar, in between each post, and sometimes IN the posts! wow. Not many quicker ways to get me to vacate a blog and never return. There’s another blog that I used to read where the author would put in tons of photos peppered about the post – not their own, mind you, just either stuff they found in Google Image search or worse….Amazon. and then it was linked to their Amazon affiliate account. The post would also be scattered with Amazon affiliate links – half the time the stuff would be barely or not at all related to the content.

A few weeks ago one of my text link advertisers tried to get me to agree to a paid post. Wherein they would write the content, it would contain links back to their store, and they’d pay me for publishing it.

NO. I told them quickly and in no uncertain terms that I do NOT do that. Perhaps it was something lost in translation, perhaps the word “no” in english means something else in her language, but she kept at it. Asking me 6 times in different ways. What if I wrote the post, she asked? Then it would be false content. NO. I write sex toy reviews and I do not ever agree to publish a positive-only review in exchange for a sex toy. I include the links but I say what I want to say, I give my honest opinions.

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You know what the nice thing is about having a blog vs having a “site”? I can do what I want. :)

I can write about what I want to write about. I don’t have a constraining set of topics that I must stick to. I can happily waltz along to other blogging things, whenever I want and it’s infrequent that a reader complains.

I can bitch about shit if I want. I can post rants or fluffy kittens.

I am a blogger. I happen to be a sex blogger. And I am proud that I am a sex blogger and will never get offended when called that. Instead of thumbing my nose at silly community projects, I do my best to promote them and include everyone.

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There was a time when I changed my RSS feed contents to “summary” rather than full text. I, wrongly, assumed that it would get me more traffic to my actual site where they would be more apt to comment and interact.

Doesn’t happen that way.

I have a number of blogs in my feed reader that use either the summary method or, worse, the title-only method. And I find myself skipping posts because the title or the first few sentences didn’t reel me in. Or because I’m just too lazy, or don’t have the time, to click through and read. And I would bet that a lot of others feel that very same way. Your thoughts on this?

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And finally, I read this over the weekend in Readers Digest (shaddup) and thought it was really appropriate and agreeable, especially what I’m seeing on Twitter, with this phrase being used a lot in the ever-irritating movement of hastags.

“Just Sayin’??”

They’re two little words innocuous enough on their own, though together they are poison. Just Sayin’ is the Hummel Lil’ Rascal of figures of speech, harmless until you look closer and see the slingshot in his back pocket. The way it’s used is in the form of a pulled punch. “No one above the age of seven should be seen chewing gum. Just sayin’.” “My boss smells like a brewery. Just sayin’.” It’s like a coy kicking of the dirt. “I’m going to say something offensive, but by adding these two words, I won’t have to take responsibility for it.”

When Shevibe.com asked me to review this, my first instinct was to say no…..that I’m taking a break from reviewing so much. But then I looked at this dildo and I just couldn’t resist. I tend not to review many dildos ever since discovering the Pure Wand, but I’ve been in the market for another specialty – the very large dildo category.

Suffice to say, no matter my opinions in this review, I recognize that the Vamp Greta is not a sex toy for the masses. This is not a dildo that I can go around blithely recommending to every woman who reads this. I know that there are some women who feel that they have a “small vagina” and could not accommodate such girth. I won’t lie. I consider myself a size queen (when it comes to dildos only) and I also wanted large dildos to help work me up to being fisted; however, Greta is a bit painful at first insertion.

It was painful enough that I nearly stopped the first time, thinking I couldn’t use it. I brought out the lube and tried again and while the initial pain was there, it quickly went away. Within a minute I was easily thrusting the dildo. The shape isn’t really anything special, nothing like the Pure Wand for sure, the selling point to Greta is Girth. Girthy Greta. And you know, girth is lovely. It massages my g-spot in a very different way.Vamp’s Greta measures in at 2.25″ at the widest point, which is .25″ more than the largest dildo I already owned. It’s not 2.25″ for the whole length, though. Just at the widest portion of the head. The remainder of the shaft measures in at 2″. This is one of those times when a quarter of an inch makes a big difference, as when thrusting I generally didn’t like the head coming fully out of my vaginal entrance, at least not for the first few minutes.

There’s a lot that I like about this dildo, and about Vamp as a company. For one, it’s silicone (refer here for care and cleaning). Two, it’s hand-poured, and the colors are GORGEOUS. The photos on Shevibe just don’t quite do it justice. I would really love to see the red in person some day. The Black Pearl is what I received and the photo on their site just barely hints are the pretty blue-black swirliness of the silicone. There’s really not a lot of “give” to this silicone, but there is some. It’s listed as their “softskin” silicone which I believe is a little less firm than their standard silicone.

The site and the manufacturer list this as a strap-on-capable dildo. The look of the Vamp Greta is a bit different from what is currently on the site, it’s the latest version. The version on the site appears like it could handle a strap-on better than this one. You can see below just how bendy the base is. It’s not as thick and sturdy as I expected it to be. I don’t own a harness though so I couldn’t test it. Vamp makes other strap-on-compatible dildos though that most definitely would work as they have large base (usually molded to look like testicles). I’m a little torn on recommending this toy as anal-approved – it does have a base, but it’s a bendy base.

My first go round with this dildo was solo, and I found that I needed the extra force of sitting on it to get it inside of me. My second use was a round of foreplay with my husband and he was using it on me. I know he said he encountered resistance at first and I had to assure him to continue, albeit slowly, with insertion.

As an aside, I don’t know why I’d never heard of this company before, but from what I’ve seen thus far, Vamp makes very good quality toys. Their website seems quite a bit out of date, as the photos of the toys do not at all match the photos that SheVibe has, and I know their photo of the Greta is nothing like the one I own.

If you’re looking for a larger dildo….I highly recommend this. If you really like the color and such but want something smaller/bigger/more harness-compatible, look at the other Vamp dildos carried by SheVibe.

An update from the lovely Shevibe.com: The Vamp Greta that I’ve linked to on their site is, for now, “Generation I”. The base is thicker, possibly a little better suited for sturdiness in a harness but consider the thickness of the base. The “Generation II” is what I have here. Both versions will be sold on Shevibe.com. Also please note that Vamp is a small company and their dildo coloring will vary. So the Black Pearl you get may be more black than blue, or whatever. Just expect a little variation, is all.

Thanks goes to the wonderful SheVibe.com for providing this toy in exchange for my honest review.

Ahem.. excuse me! Can I have the attention of the class for one second?

Eminem lyrics aside, I do have to make this statement, and I hate making it.

My name is Lilly.

It’s not spelled Lily.

Why?

The name Lilly is derived from an old character name (Lilliana) that I used in an MMORPG game. I was frequently called Lilli for short, but in the aspect of visual appeal I changed the ‘i’ to a ‘y’ for blogging. Since the flower, lily, is the more common spelling of the name I get a lot of people who incorrectly spell my name that way (despite Lilly being part of my domain name).

So – it’s Lilly, 3 ‘L’s, a nickname for Lilliana. Now you know!

I hate to admit, but it does bother me when people misspell my name, especially over and over again. In my signature for my blog email address, I use my name. “Lilly” is part of my email address and my domain name. It’s all over the blog, in fact! The way I see it, when people don’t care to take the 3 seconds to note the spelling of my name, I feel it’s a sign of disrespect in a way. In a text-based world where our on-screen writing is so much of who we are….it’s really an issue of identity to have your name spelled correctly. No, Lilly isn’t my real (birth) name. But it IS my online name, it is what I answer to in so many facets now…..that I feel I need to correct. I feel I shouldn’t need to correct, given that if they are spelling my name right in typing in my email address/blog address/twitter name, they should therefore spell just “Lilly” correct if they give half a crap.

Strangers, the first time they misspell, fine. That’s ok. But for people I interact with weekly via Twitter and blog comments? It’s becoming unacceptable. For the first and only time and place for many of us, we have gotten to choose our name. I chose it. Won’t you take the time to notice and spell it properly?

Am I wrong for being bothered? I’ve actually gone so far as to turn down form-letter requests for a link exchange solely because they couldn’t get my name right. But yet….if it’s someone I “know”, I won’t outright correct them. I don’t know why I haven’t. But I think I will, from here on out. Gently, nicely, at least the first time ;)

A lot of people in this country live in their own bubble and don’t even know or care about sexual freedom – not to be down-putting but they are usually very religious, heterosexual and “vanilla” (i.e. non-kinky). Sexual freedom does not affect them. But yet, it does. Do you realize that we have the freedom to read and write these sex blogs? To buy sex toys? Actually, there are still some places even in the US where sex toys are illegal, I believe Alabama is still holding onto that rule.

For those of you who love your vibrator/dildo/masturbator – can you imagine that being illegal??

There are still some states where sodomy is illegal – it’s not as enforced anymore but it was at one point. Yes, there are/were laws about the kind of sex you could enjoy in your own home.

Think about that.

Think about the bigger issues, like the fact that is most places in our country, gays/lesbians cannot get married and enjoy the same rights as hetero couples. They are people, who are in love. When you strip aside the gender and what you think your god says is “ok”? It’s all just love and support and happiness.

But you know….to me, sexual freedom isn’t just about the laws and law-makers. It should be a mindset for everyone. No one is throwing Christians in jail for being Christian so why personally persecute the kinky, the non-hetero non-gender-conforming people? We fight and rally for equal rights for female vs male, black vs white…but not sexual freedom. Who the hell am I to judge you as a person based on your sexual preference?

Watch the following video made by Tiye Massey, daughter of Woodhull Freedom Foundation advisory council members Dan Massey and Alison Gardner. She interviewed a lot of people in NYC about what sexual freedom means to them. Some answers are insightful, and others make me a little sad.

I encourage you to weigh in here with what sexual freedom means to you. If you are reading this blog, then you have more sexual freedoms than some people. I haven’t even touched on all of the issues in this topic, so add yours if you want in comments.

“I am a free lover. I have an inalienable, constitutional and natural right to love whom I may, to love as long or short a period as I can; to change that love every day if I please.”

Ladies:

My question is in regards to cunnilingus. Do you enjoy when the giver sucks on your labia, pulling them outward with their lips or perhaps even teeth?

Men:

Have you ever used either one of the Tenga Fliphole (there’s a white or a black)? If so respond favorably with an email address I can contact you at for a few questions.

Everybody:

With the new theme came more changes than just some colorful shit. Previously, my pages were a slightly-hidden list in the sidebar. Now they’re taking more center stage up there, along with the post categories up top. The question is: Are these navigation bars useful to you, be you a new reader, just coming here, or old reader?

I used to have some interesting (and some creepy) conversation through my Yahoo IM Pingbox that was in the old sidebar. But because Yahoo is a slow-assed bastard, my site’s loading time was always slow because it was retrieving info from Yahoo. So, I yanked it. But I do have a subdomain, and was considering putting a link on the sidebar here to the Pingbox’s page over at the subdomain for those who want to ask questions but are really too shy to give me any sort of contact info (i.e. email). Thoughts? Or is it worthless?

Also, I’m opening the floor to hear the unrestrained thoughts of my readers. Even if you’ve never commented before, go ahead and use a fake email address if it helps. I just want to hear what you’d like to see more of around here – be it return of old content, or something new.

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