The Art of Seduction

Seduction is a question of subtle strategy with one ultimate goal - to have sex with someone.

The desire for sex is powerful; for some it can be as powerful as the need to eat and breath. Seduction is the road we take to achieve sexual satisfaction.

While the ultimate goal is to have sex, there are lots of smaller goals that need to be reached along the road to the sexual surrender of our chosen partner.

For some, the thrill of seduction lies in the chase rather than the conquest. The excitement of wanting and pursuing someone can give a sense of satisfaction in itself. For others, the electric thrill comes from knowing that another person's sexual attentions are focused on them. Those who thoroughly enjoy the chase are generally people with plenty of self-confidence and their confidence increases the likelihood of success.

Those who are less confident usually find seduction far more difficult. How can you convince a member of the opposite sex to fancy you if you see yourself as being unattractive?

It's important that you choose the right person to seduce. This is more a matter of instinct than anything else but most of us endeavour to make conversation, or at least some eye contact, with a potential partner who we consider to be our equal on the scale of physical appeal.

Once you've sought out your 'prey' you need to decide whether the time and/or situation is right for seduction. If the object of your passion is somebody you see on a regular basis, the time/place being wrong may very well add to the thrill. If you're getting the right feedback, the knowledge that the other person is interested but that you can't do anything about it just yet can increase the feelings of arousal and excitement.

But how do you know that he's interested? The best clues come from reading body language. Non-verbal signals are far better indicators of how a person feels about you than anything they may actually say verbally. Those with an open posture are usually more available than those who stand with their arms crossed. The eyes are the biggest give-away when it comes to seduction. If he returns your gaze, and especially if he holds eye contact with you longer than is usually acceptable, then the chances are you're on to a winner. Trust your instincts. You'll 'feel' whether he's interested or not. Small gestures and tone of voice tell us a lot about how the other person feels about us.

Flirt. Did I really need to mention that? Flirting is used in two ways. We flirt with others to remind our partner that we still need to be wooed by him, but when used for seduction, it's a means of keeping the other person interested and aroused as well as letting them know that they are unlikely to be rejected. Men, who are generally the pursuers, are highly dependent on women's signals to reassure them that they are 'onto something'. Playing hard-to-get isn't particularly attractive to men unless you're sending out enough signals to assure him that it really is just a game and that you are indeed 'gettable'. Let him know that the chase will most likely be worth it in the end.

Once you've made contact with him, you'll need to let him know where the encounter is likely to be heading. People have very different ideas of what sex should be so it's important that you both know that you're looking for the same things. This doesn't mean that you should just blurt out "I'm a dominatrix, how d'ya fancy being whipped?" or anything else quite as obvious. You can if you really must, and you never know, it might just work, but in general the subtle approach is more likely to get you what you want. Men generally take the lead in this area, asking questions and trying to access whether you'd make a satisfactory sex partner. Follow his lead. The questions probably won't be direct (depending upon the man), but they will be based around 'self-disclosure'. He tells you some, you tell him some. People typically discuss sex in a light-hearted, abstract manner when accessing a potential partner, testing each other in a non-committal way.

Now that you're speaking you'll need to sustain his interest. Two people who've found each other through physical attraction may not have the right chemistry to move along the road of seduction once mouths have been opened. Look for signs of acceptance or rejection. If you pick up on any signs of rejection, don't waste your time on something that is very unlikely to happen, no matter how much you fancy him. There are plenty more available males about just waiting to be seduced.

If you're still doing fine and the signals are good, it's time to move onto the final yielding. One of you must surrender. In all probability it will be you, because even if you initialised the seduction, he will probably have taken over the role of pursuer somewhere along the line. The roles of 'hunter' and 'prey' have been decided through thousands of years of evolution, and usually fall naturally into place. Surrender and enjoy!

Sharon grew up in East London but moved to Norway at the age of 19, returning to England in 1998. She now lives in Cheshire with her partner and two of her three children. Besides writing, she is currently studying Social Science with The Open University, runs a web site where women in the UK can meet other women for platonic friendship (www.friendsyourway.co.uk), potters in her garden, knits and reads everything she comes over.