The first reports of the highly-buzzed Vanity Fair/Suri Cruise photoshoot are out… and, well, hopefully the baby really is an alien, as the photos sound fairly bland. One shows Suri nestled against Tom Cruise‘s neck, in an angle we only hope screams “Suri-Goiter”. Another shows Tom and “wife” Katie Holmes laying in bed with lil’ Sur. (It should also be noted that recent photos of Katie prove the girl is way past the verge of a nervous breakdown.) You know, now that we think about it, these photos sound veeeery similar to those of another highly anticipated baby. Yes, veeeery similar…

Model/ Babyshambles fan/ Just-Say-Yes-To-Drugs Spokesmodel Kate Moss is following in the footsteps of Christie Brinkley and Cindy Crawford by launching an acting career. However, while Christie and Cindy started out on the big screen, Kate decided to make her debut in a Mike Figgs short on the internet titled Dreams of Miss X. Check it out– while not nearly as funny as Vacation, it’s definitely more watchable than Fair Game.

According to The Sun, this creepy black & white short is the first of four Miss X movies. In the third, set to premiere in January, Kate will strip nude. So for the six of you who have never googled “Kate Moss + naked”, congratulations! You now have something to look forward to in ’07.

This weekend, talk show host Ellen Degeneres was injured in a minor car collision on Sunset Boulevard, a crash involving no less than three Porsche’s: two literal Porsche’s, and girlfriend Portia De Rossi. TMZ has obtained some post-crash footage, and while not ground-breaking, it will make you borderline stalkery-uncomfortable, which we know you love. So enjoy!

Blind Item Clue: What is… Courtney Love… with a pipe… trying to get Frances Bean… into Harvard Westlake. (Last item)

Finally, this weekend saw the final court performance by tennis legend Andre Agassi, who rounded out his glorious career with a spot-on Roberto Benigni impersonation, telling the thousands of U.S. Open spectators that he “wanted to make love inside of them.”

Tom Cruise has had a busy year, what with his apologizing to Brooke Shields for the whole “judging your mental illness” thing, getting fired, plus all the hype surrounding his fake baby. We remember when times were simpler for Tom Cruise…

Well Team Tiger Awesome, the ingenious creators of 28 Days Slater, have again delivered a golden Goose nugget of pure brilliance: Top Gun as a silent film. The film loses little of its deep, lasting meaning, but be warned: the playful and ethereal tinkling of the ivories will burn itself into your memory for life. Futz ya later!

Most of America woke up this morning to learn of some upsetting news: Steve Irwin, known to most as the “Crocodile Hunter”, was killed off of the coast of Australia after a stingrays tail delivered a deadly blow to his chest. Irwin was only 44, and approached the stingray to record some footage for his new children’s show, Bindi. What surprised us about the news wasn’t so much that Irwin was killed in a freak animal accident, but rather that it was a stingray that delivered the fatal blow, and not one of the crocodile’s the Hunter so famously humiliates on the air. OK, the guy was no “Grizzly Man“, but there was an overeagerness to his dealings with deadly animals that just screamed “premature death.” Lest we not forget about the time he taught crocodiles the important distinction between a live baby and raw chicken meat. Nevertheless, we’re sad to see him go. It’s going to take a long time to convince some crazy bastard to risk his life on a daily basis for the sake of television.

Michael Jackson has contacted director John Landisabout directing his “comeback video.” John Landis has responded by crouching in the corner of a dark, windowless room and not responding to the his wife’s persistent yelling of “John, it’s Michael on the phone! He wants you to direct his comeback video!”

Last night’s VMA’s wasn’t about the performances or the moonmen or the choreographed treadmill dancing (okay, it was a little bit about the choreographed treadmill dancing). Last night was all about one thing: The Bling. Check out this amazing video Gawker put together, then go out and buy yourself a brand new grill. Because you deserve it.