The 6 Worst Settlers of Catan Players

All I want is to win the Longest Road. While everyone else stops caring about roads after the first ten minutes, I carry on, building my dream brick by brick. Where does my road go, you ask? A little place called Victory...I'll just have to earn those other 8 victory points somehow.

I've got sheep, wheat and ore aplenty. Am I building settlements? Nope! Gimme those development cards! Sure, I could get 14 knights. Or I could get five victory points IN A ROW! I'm feeling lucky!

Nothing is more inspiring than a common enemy. Sun Tzu said that, I think. Or Chuck Norris. I don't know, I saw it on reddit. I don't want to build, I want to destroy. I don't care about cities or ports or any of that shit, I just want to make Uncle Dave cry.

My family calls the wood "logs." Isn't that cute? It's just how we've always played the game - it's like how we also call the robber "the thief" and the development cards "dev cards." Also also ALSO, we do this special thing where we call the ore "Eeyore" because this one time my little brother -- is anybody listening to me?

Both of my cities are on ores with 8. Call me a h"ore"der. I will ravage this island's resources to build my empire. Unlike the rest of these plebes, I am the only one who knows how real colonies were run. Apparently none of them took AP European History. Look, I may have even majored in History, a decision I deeply regret, but you are history.

What do I need to get a settlement again? One sheep? Why? Is the sheep building the settlement?