Whole water, manufactured by Fonterra, contains fibre and milk protein and it says so where it has to. More fool Kristy Oxenham if she was to give her toddler lolly water without reading the ingredients. You'd get as much sympathy from me on your plight by feeding your daughter Coca Cola or Gatorade.

But, but but... if consumers are stupid enough to buy bottled water containing weird shit because it is packaged in opaque bright colours, what marketing ideas were also considered before this one rose to the top of the To Do List? Here's a few guesses: