Forcing God to stifle divine chuckles, one prayer at a time

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Dear God, thanks for the nice day. Last night – the night before tonight, that’s the one I mean – I had a dream that I was watching Batman on Netflix. I just need to know, why did you give me that dream? What… what was the point of that? Does it mean that that will come TRUE? Well, you think about that. In Jesus’ name, amen.

Dear God, thank you for everything! We just love everything! Thank you for my Batman toy. Actually, thank-you to Mommy for that, because she’s the one who got it for me. Thank you for our house. Actually, thank-you to the builders for the house since they made it. Thank you for the whole world! You sure did that one! Thank you for making people. I’m not sure why you decided to call them “people”. But that’s okay. In Jesus’ name, amen.

Dear God, I really really REALLY hope that tomorrow is Hallowe’en. I’ll be an astronaut. And what will YOU be? [pause] If it’s dark tomorrow, we’ll know it’s Hallowe’en. No… NO. That’s not quite right. It has to be 31 to be Hallowe’en. And tomorrow is not yet 31, even if it’s dark. So it’s not Hallowe’en yet. [sigh] But, there IS some good news that it’s not quite Hallowe’en, God. That means you still have some time to get your costume before you spook everybody. In Jesus’ name, amen.

Dear God, I really hope that you never make me go to the center of the Earth. There’s rock down there that’s hot lava. And what if… what if I accidentally punched the lava? What if I had super-strength? What if I cracked that stone of the Earth with my super-punch and the yolk broke into a hundred pieces? The rock is just a shell, God. There’s a giant, hot, giant yolk in the middle of the Earth. If I cracked it by accident and the whole Earth broke apart… then… all the people would be just living lost in space. So don’t make me punch the lava, ever. In Jesus’ name, amen. Wow, that was a long pray.

Dear God, thank you that I have lots of skills, and a glow stick, and lots of predictions. Here’s one prediction. I predict that if any bad guys drink this glowing venomous sauce in my glow stick, they will die. God, please don’t drink this sauce, because it’s venomous. And that is my story of a prayer. In Jesus’ name, amen.