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Fired FBI Director James Comey followed up his amnesiac performance in his testimony before House Judiciary and Oversight committees with a bit of self-congratulatory boasting about his cleverness.

“While I couldn’t remember the answers to most of the questions the dim-witted Republicans were asking me, I do recall some of the high points of my covert efforts to save the nation from the misrule of Donald Trump,” Comey said. “Publicly exonerating Secretary Clinton in July 2016 was probably the hardest punch I threw. By clearing her of all charges I neutralized a lot of the criticisms Trump and the Republicans tried to make against her. In a sane world that should have been enough to elect her, but as we saw, somehow the most unqualified person to ever seek the presidency defeated the most qualified.”

“However, patriot that I am, I didn’t let the unfortunate election outcome thwart my campaign to save the country,” Comey continued. “I saw a way to undermine a Trump Administration by embroiling it in concocted scandals. We used the FISA process to get court permission to spy on the Trump campaign. Republicans are now complaining that this was an inappropriate use of a law intended to protect America from hostile foreign powers. What they neglect to tell everyone is that 85% of the FISA cases are unwarranted and abusive. Since we were basically following standard procedure I don’t think the GOP will get anywhere with their complaints.”

“Then, starting with Gen. Flynn we set up a series of Trump associates for charges of obstruction,” Comey bragged. “A long time ago the Courts decided it was legal for law-enforcement personnel to lie to persons they are trying to nail for some sort of criminal offense. We told Flynn that a couple of FBI agents were going to chat with him and that he didn’t need a lawyer. He fell for it and opened himself up to a charge of lying to investigators when his remarks didn’t exactly match those we overheard using the FISA-approved phone intercepts.”

Comey concluded his remarks with a plea for voters to oust Trump in the 2020 election. “If we don’t get rid of him all the work I and others like Peter Strzok, Lisa Page, Andrew McCabe, Rod Rosenstein, Robert Mueller, and others could be undone. The ability of the FBI and its sister agencies to protect the country from intruders like Trump could be seriously damaged and the country left in the unsteady hands of a poorly informed electorate.”

Of course, Comey isn’t the only one to have gone above and beyond the law for the good of the country. Special Counsel Robert Mueller had the foresight to wipe clean the cell phones of Peter Strzok and Lisa Page before turning them over to DOJ Inspector General Michael Horowitz. And today, Mueller refused to handover documents requested by Judge Emmet Sullivan who is responsible for meting out a sentence on Gen. Flynn who plead guilty to lying to the FBI. As Mueller explained, “our ability to carry out our mission must be immunized from interference from those harboring incompatible objectives. Law enforcement’s efforts to neutralize threats to the nation must remain free from interference from any source. That includes Congress, the Courts, and the Administration we are battling against.”

In related news, Letitia James, who will become attorney general of the State of New York in January, has pledged to use her office as a weapon against everyone associated with President Trump. “We know the names, all we have to do is come up with crimes we can plausibly pin on each of them,” she asserted. “We cannot sit idly by and expect heroes like Comey and Mueller to do all the dirty work. As New York’s chief prosecutor I have wide powers that can be used to hound these people out of office and into jail.”

China Demands Reparations for Pollution

China is the leading emitter of CO2 among the nations of the world. Its CO2 emissions are more than double those of the United States. Yet, the Paris Accord negotiated by former President Obama exempts China from contributing to pollution emission reductions. On top of that, the Accord obligates signers from developed nations to pay less developed nations $100 billion per year in climate related aid starting in 2020.

Xie Zhenhua, China’s lead envoy at the United Nations conference on global warming in Poland, castigated the developed countries for “neglecting to compensate us for the environmental damage they have done to the world,” calling them “deadbeats and welshers, especially the United States, whose President Trump has withdrawn from the agreement negotiated by President Obama.”

Trump didn’t entirely disagree with China’s position, saying “Obama and the European signers made unrealistic promises while simultaneously letting some of the worst CO2 emitters off the hook. Even more important, though, wrecking the economy in an attempt to reduce CO2 seems a bad bargain. The impact on global temperatures of doing this would be tiny. Beside that, CO2 has some positive effects on plant growth improving crop yields and stimulating forest growth. I don’t think the guys rushing into the Paris Accord adequately considered all the consequences of their actions, or as Xie has pointed out, inactions.”

Evidence of Clintons’ Tax Evasion Presented To House

This week, Lawrence Doyle and John Moynihan of DM Income Advisors told the House subcommittee on government operations that they forwarded thousands of documents to the IRS showing that Bill and Hillary Clinton may have neglected to pay taxes on $400 million to $2.5 billion in money they cycled through the Clinton Foundation’s so-called charity.

Clinton Foundation CEO Kevin Thurm dismissed the allegations as “just another ploy by the vast right-wing conspiracy that has been harassing Bill and Hillary for decades. No one in government has ever seen fit to pursue any indictments for anything that they have done in their long and illustrious careers of public service. We don’t expect that to change.”

To bolster his contention, Thurm pointed out that “the special investigator brought on board the Department of Justice by former Attorney General Jeff Sessions twice lost the evidence that so-called whistleblowers tried to force him to look at. And let’s not forget that former FBI Director James Comey completely exonerated Hillary for her misuse of classified information—a violation for which less important individuals have been sent to prison. When are these fringe anti-government types going to get it through their heads that their efforts to hold the Clintons responsible are quixotic exercises in futility?”

Dems Seek to Grease Skids for Tax Increase

Now that they will be back in the majority in the House of Representatives starting in January, Democrats are looking to ways to make raising taxes on Americans easier. Incoming House Rules Committee chairman Rep. Jim McGovern (D-Mass) announced he will not be abiding by the formerly bipartisan agreement to require a three-fifths majority to raise income taxes. “It should not be so hard for the government to seize the wealth that collectively belongs to the state,” McGovern said.

“The notion that the person who earns an income should have protection against the government taking a bigger slice of it before he can waste it on frivolous spending is capitalist propaganda,” McGovern charged. “As former President Obama so eloquently pointed out, wealth is not the result of individual effort. It is the outcome of the collective effort of the whole world. At some point, the decisions on how wealth will be distributed is something that the United Nations will handle. In the meantime, in this country, no agency is better positioned than Congress to decide how that wealth should be spent.”

Caravan Update

The caravan of people trying to illegally enter the United States is taking steps to vindicate President Trump’s policy of keeping them out. On the one hand, 280 of them have been arrested by Mexican police for burglarizing residences in Tijuana. Meanwhile, another 100 of them have tried their hand at extortion by demanding $50,000 apiece as the price of them ceasing to assault the border and go home.

“Look, we aren’t going to fund any border enforcement,” Schumer said. “Trump isn’t going to get a wall. He isn’t going to get more border guards. It isn’t in the Democratic Party’s interest to keep these immigrants out. Each one of them is a future vote for Democratic candidates who will build and support the welfare state that serves as the chief draw for a majority of those wanting to get in. If I were Trump I’d jump at the chance of paying them to stay out. From the GOP’s perspective that would be the sensible political and economic strategy.”

The Democrats’ open border policy was given a psychological boost by a Gallup poll finding indicating that 758 million of the worlds inhabitants want to move to a different country for a better life and 158 million of these want to move to the United States. “This is a very ‘bullish’ sign for the future of the Democratic Party,” Pelosi boasted. “The current GOP ascendancy is just a temporary ‘day in the sun’ for them. We’re confident that within a decade no one who isn’t a Democrat will be able to win any elective office in any state of the union.”

27 Percent Say Santa Should Get Sex Change

A survey of 400 people conducted for the GraphicSprings company found 27 percent of respondents suggesting that Santa undergo a sex-change. As one respondent put it, “males have hogged this role for centuries why shouldn’t women get a chance to play this part?”

An even more radical idea was offered by another respondent who suggested that “if we really want to keep up with trends, Santa should be transgender. Think of the inclusiveness this would communicate. By slicing off his scrotum, fashioning a vagina out of his penis, and plumping up his chest with implants we’d create a powerful spokesperson for the idea that everyone can truly be whoever they want to be.”

In other Christmas news, the French national government announced it will fine the town of Béziers 2,000 Euros per day if it does not remove a miniature Nativity scene on display in the courtyard of the Hôtel de Ville. President Macron explained that “the Nativity diorama is a threat to public safety. Any display of non-Muslim religious images has the potential to ignite a killing spree from the immigrant contingent in our country. It is better that we intimidate the people of Béziers with financial penalties than risk a massacre.”

A Satirical Look at Recent News

John Semmens is a retired economist who has written a weekly political satire for The Arizona Conservative since 2005. He says working on his satires is one of the ways he tries to honor the liberties our Founding Fathers tried to protect.” This post is also available on Facebook.

Please do us a favor. If you use material created by The Arizona Conservative, give us credit and DO NOT change the context. Thank you.

Newly elected Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-MY) vowed to “mete out sweet revenge” in response to Donald Trump Jr. sharing a meme predicting that if her socialist views are implemented Americans would end up eating their dogs.

“He may think he’s clever mocking me,” Ocasio-Cortez said, “but in another month I’ll have the subpoena power I need to make his life a living Hell. On the specific topic of eating dogs, though, Junior is overlooking the positive impact that would have on mitigating global warming. So really, the joke is on him.”

In related news, Google advised journalist John Stossel that it has blocked his “Socialism Leads to Violence” video from being viewed by anyone under 18 years of age. In his video victims of Venezuela’s socialist regime are shown rioting over food shortages and eating garbage. Google CEO Sundar Pichai said “we filter out anything that could make people feel unsafe. The images in Stossel’s video are unsuitable for viewing by children. They also give an unbalanced presentation emphasizing the negatives of socialism without showing the positives. Some countries do quite well under socialism, most notably the Soviet Union, which rose to superpower status using a socialist model.”

Epstein’s Settlement Boosts Clinton’s Spirits

Sexual predator Jeffrey Epstein’s settlement with a bevy of women who accused him of molestation when they they were under-aged teens is said to have buoyed former President Bill Clinton’s spirits. Under the settlement, in return for millions of dollars the accusers have agreed to accept a gag order barring disclosure of any details related to the molestation.

“Jeff is a great guy and a generous host,” Clinton recalled. “We had some great times together at his island retreat. I’m glad to see he won’t be going to jail on a technicality. Thankfully, he had access to the kind of resources he needed to preserve his freedom. I don’t expect they’ll come after me, but if they do the millions I’ve got stashed away from my work for the Clinton Foundation give me the same option of buying off any accusers.” Bill and Hillary Clinton have been paid more than $150 million for delivering speeches since 1997. These payments substantially increased when Hillary Clinton took office as secretary of state in 2009.

University Suspends Student for Gun Ownership

The University of North Texas is suspending Brandon Masin, a 25-year-old law student, alleging that he poses a danger. The accusation that led to the suspension was anonymous. Masin presented evidence indicating that witnesses would testify that he could not have been involved in the incident claimed by the unidentified accuser.

University of North Texas Chief of Police Ed Reynolds pointed out that “Masin is the founder of the law school’s chapter of The Federalist Society, a notorious right-wing political organization. Thankfully, it is the only right-wing extremist element on campus. On top of this, Mr. Masin admits to owning a gun. Masin’s assertion that state law supports this right is technically correct. Nevertheless it raises suspicion and lends credibility to the accusations made against him. Rather than be sorry later, we utilized our authority to suspend him.”

Masin can appeal his suspension, but may miss the semester’s final exams while waiting for his appeal to be taken up by the University. If he misses taking these exams he could “flunk out” and be dismissed from the law school for academic reasons.

Meanwhile, over at the University of Texas, Austin, liberals at the Counseling and Mental Health Center want masculinity to be designated as a mental illness. Chris Brownson, Associate Vice President for Student Affairs and Director of the Counseling and Mental Health Center says “the notion that a man ought to be a protector and provider for his family is out-dated. In the modern world we have the government to protect and provide for everyone of every gender. Men who can’t accept this new paradigm are maladjusted and need to be identified as ill and subjected to treatment to cure them of their delusions.”

School Bans Candy Canes

Another education bureaucracy abuse of power was demonstrated at the Manchester Elementary School in Omaha, Nebraska where principal Jennifer Sinclair announced a ban on candy canes. According to her, “the letter ‘j’ shape of the candy cane is an insidious attempt to inject religion into the school environment. Everyone knows that the ‘j’ stands for Jesus. We simply cannot permit such an egregious insult to all the non-Christian students at our school.”

Candy canes aren’t the only items on the Principal’s forbidden list. Other banned items and activities include: Santas, elves, Christmas music, Christmas books, making an ornament to hang on a Christmas tree as a gift, any items combining the colors red and green, Christmas videos/movies and/or characters from Christmas movies.

“The only way to be inclusive and culturally sensitive toward non-Christians is to exclude any words, items, activities, or attitudes that are explicitly or implicitly Christian,” Sinclair asserted. “I know that many students and parents consider me a Grinch for spoiling their holiday, but someone had to step forward if we are to shake off the delusions that have been the opiate of the masses and a barrier to the realization of Marx’s vision of a classless utopia under a secular socialist government.”

In other Christmas news, Facebook has censored a picture of Santa kneeling next to baby Jesus’ manger because it “shows violent or graphic content.” Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg explained “it is well known that Mary was impregnated without her consent. That she was not given the option of abortion did violence to her rights as a woman. The intrusion of Santa Claus in the picture wrongfully conveys a message implying that baby Jesus was a gift to the world. People need to be protected against accidentally receiving this message.”

DNC Chair Blames Religion for Obstructing Socialism

Democratic National Committee (DNC) Chair Tom Perez blamed religion for “poisoning peoples’ minds against the promise of socialism. No matter what we do through the media to try to advertise the benefits of socialism 24/7, the one hour a week people spend in church every Sunday is undermining our efforts.”

“The priest or pastor who is telling the congregation that being good and being charitable is a matter of personal responsibility directly contradicts the message of the Democratic Party,” Perez complained. “The notion of doing something because it is what God wants you to do dilutes the authority we have been assiduously trying to vest in government. It leaves it up to each individual to decide what he or she will do.”

“This reinforcement of individualism negates the collective solidarity our Party has been preaching,” Perez continued. “Experts should be the ones to decide what each person must do to support the collective well being of society. Individuals should accept and implement the decisions made for them by the experts.”

“While the cultural transformation that our Party has wrought over the decades by dominating public schools, universities, media, television and the movies has made dramatic progress the continued interference by religious institutions free to broadcast nonconforming messages may be something we need to seriously consider dealing with,” the DNC Chair suggested. “In China, the government reserves the right to approve the appointment of priests and pastors to churches. Maybe it’s time we do the same thing here in this country.”

DC Metro Track Inspectors Who Filed False Reports Reinstated

Two years ago 16 track inspectors and five supervisors for the Washington, DC Metro Rail system were fired for repeatedly filing false reports on track conditions. The Metro and Amalgamated Transit Union appealed these firings. An arbitrator hired to hear the appeal ordered all the fired individuals to be reinstated.

The basis for the reinstatement decision was the arbitrator’s finding that “filing false reports was the normal practice in the track inspection program. Each inspection report was essentially an exact copy of the previous report filed for that section of track. No new measurements of deteriorated conditions were ever noted. Since fake reports were standard procedure throughout the system, the individuals singled out because derailments happened to occur on the sections they inspected were treated in a fashion that was discriminatory.”

“The fact of the matter is that all sections of track were not actually inspected as they should have been,” the arbitrator’s report revealed. “The 21 individuals fired were merely unlucky that derailments occurred on their sections. We recommend that the broader problem of a procedural norm that resulted in falsified inspection reports needs to be addressed as a matter of public safety.”

At the present time, Metro management and the Transit Union are not in agreement on a process for obtaining honest track inspection reports. Management contends that honest reporting is an implied obligation of the job. The union contends that the extra work entailed if honest reports are mandated is a “change in working conditions” and is demanding a pay increase “if honest reports are to be made a new task for employees.”

Schwarzenegger Offers to Travel Back in Time

Calling President Trump “crazy” for abandoning the Paris Climate Accord that none of its signers are currently complying with, former California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger offered “to travel back in time and kill the man who invented fire.”

“Fire was the first fossil fuel,” Schwarzenegger asserted. “If it had never been invented the whole destructive cycle of coal and oil would’ve been terminated before it even got started and our environment would be safe from global warming. Raw meat wouldn’t have been as popular as grilled meat has turned out to be. Consequently, most people would likely be vegetarians today. There wouldn’t be as many cows farting methane into the atmosphere. With body heat being our only source of warmth people would be forced to live together in harmony. There would probably be statues of me as the man who saved the world from becoming the rotten place it is because of our reliance on combustion for energy. I might even be worshiped as a god.”

In another instance of a celebrity demonstrating a poor grasp of reality, Tom Arnold, the man who became famous for marrying Roseanne Barr and once appeared in a movie with Schwarzenegger, alleges that “80% of gun owners shoot themselves or a family member. The decent part of me says we should confiscate all the guns to save these people’s lives. On the other hand, it occurred to me that at some point, the last gun owner will off himself and his family and solve the problem of too many guns in the wrong hands.”

63 Percent of Immigrants on Welfare

The claim that people are illegally entering the United States in order to do the work that Americans refuse to do was dealt a blow when the Census Bureau issued a report showing that 63 percent of non-citizens in the country are on welfare. In comparison, only 35 percent of persons born in the United States are on welfare.

Nevertheless, incoming Speaker of the House of Representatives Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif) insists that “any effort to impede or slow the inflow of migrants is immoral. I was raised to believe that we are our brother’s keeper and that is is our moral obligation to take care of the less fortunate. Obviously, those born in other countries are less fortunate and I will do everything in my power to ensure that every American pays as much in taxes as is necessary to take care of every immigrant who busts through our borders.”

Pelosi expressed confidence that her Party’s superior moral stance on this issue will eventually pay off in terms of political success. “I foresee a future when no one who opposes this moral stand will ever win elective office,” Pelosi predicted. “Humanity, or at least that portion that lives in the United States, will have recreated the Garden of Eden.”

A Satirical Look at Recent News

John Semmens is a retired economist who has written a weekly political satire for The Arizona Conservative since 2005. He says working on his satires is one of the ways he tries to honor the liberties our Founding Fathers tried to protect.” This post is also available on Facebook.

Please do us a favor. If you use material created by The Arizona Conservative, give us credit and DO NOT change the context. Thank you.

According to CNN’s Jim Acosta, the revelation that persons in the United States illegally are entitled to more than $40,000 a year in federal benefits “casts a sinister light on the Trump Administration’s extraordinary efforts to block the Central American caravan’s efforts to claim these benefits for its members.”

“Why would there be such a program if these immigrants weren’t entitled to this compensation?” Acosta asked. “Trump’s attempt to characterize those who are merely asserting their legal rights as an ‘invasion’ is a slander designed to conceal his government’s refusal to recognize and enforce these immigrants’ rights to this money.”

“The caravan’s members assault on the ICE personnel at the border needs to be reassessed given these new facts,” Acosta demanded. “Wouldn’t you be angry if you knew that Trump was trying to prevent you from obtaining money that was owed you? Might you not grab a rock to throw? Might you not try to tear down the barrier that blocked your path to cashing in on this benefit? I mean, who is really at fault for the violence that has ensued—the individuals trying to collect what they’re owed or the deadbeat trying to welsh on the debt owed? I think that even if the Mueller investigation clears Trump, his violent response to try to avoid paying this debt to immigrants is grounds for impeachment.”

California Attorney General Xavier Becerra was even harsher in his criticism of the President’s opposition to admitting the caravan. “California is part of the land the United States stole from Mexico in the nineteenth century,” Becerra argued. “All efforts to prevent the restoration of this land to Mexico perpetuates the aggression initiated in the 1800s. The only honorable solution is to work out the terms for undoing that original wrong. Not only should the land be returned, but all of the profits extracted during the 170 years of unjustified occupation need to be paid out to Mexico as reparations.”

Meanwhile, the United Nations has affirmed the right of immigrants to go wherever they want in the world and has ordered the Trump Administration to “cease and desist from any and all actions aimed at impeding, obstructing, or interfering with this basic human right.” UN spokesman Babar Baloch warned that “the full might of all the member nations will be brought to bear on the United States if the Trump Administration fails to comply with our directive.”

In related news, the hysteria exhibited by the media over the use of tear gas to repel the caravan mob that attempted to crash through the border near Tijuana stands in stark contrast to the media’s silence while the Obama Administration used tear gas dozens of times between 2012 and 2016. Acosta explained that “we had complete faith in President Obama. We knew that his motives were pure and he must have had a good reason for whatever he did whenever he did it. We have no such faith in Trump. We know his intent is evil and that whatever he does is wrong whenever he does it.”

Democratic Socialism Makes Europeans Poorer

A study by Mark Perry, a scholar at the American Enterprise Institute and professor of economics and finance at the University of Michigan, should give pause to advocates of democratic socialism in the United States. According to the study, the more socialistic economic policies of western European countries has both retarded output and boosted the cost of living.

The index of average individual consumption for the Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development is set at 100. Inhabitants in nations falling below this mark can afford less than the average European. Inhabitants in nations exceeding this mark can afford more. The United States scores 147 on this index. This means that on average, Americans can buy 47 percent more than the average European.

Newly elected U.S. Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) was undaunted by these data and asserted “it is way past time that Americans learn to live more economically. My ‘green new deal’ will put us on a path toward achieving this goal. By explicitly forcing everyone to pay more for everything they buy, my legislation will put us on this right path.”

“When cars become too expensive for most people to own and operate, they will ride public transit, like most people do in Europe,” the congresswoman said. “When individual homes become too expensive, more will be compelled to live in smaller apartments and maybe have roommates. Instead of buying lots of unnecessary junk, an expanded government sector will provide a more appropriate array of goods and services for everyone. The atomized individualism that has separated Americans from the collectivized solidarity that has prevailed in Europe and elsewhere around the world will be on the road to extinction.”

Sen. Bernie Sanders (DS-Vermont) concurred with his democratic socialist congressional colleague. “When I spent my honeymoon in the Soviet Union, I had a chance to observe how socialism made people happier,” he said. “Their living space was cramped. Very few owned private cars. Consumer goods were scarce and often required waiting hours in lines to obtain. Many Americans would likely see these conditions as difficult. But I never heard anyone complain like they do in America. I think we need to rethink whether an abundance of material goods really makes us better off. Maybe having a government making the key decisions about who should have what is a formula for gtreater happiness than the so-called rugged individualism that has tainted American thinking since the country’s founding.”

In related news, Ocasio-Cortez hailed her election as “a more significant development in American history than the moon landing. That was an interesting demonstration of technology. But my election augers in a new revolutionary movement that will sweep aside the capitalistic foundations of this country and allow us to join the social movement envisioned by Karl Marx. The petty selfishness that Americans have been permitted to indulge in will be replaced by collective solidarity, as all will be required to yield to government guidance on how to live their lives in ways that promote the socialist dream. There may or may not be future space missions, the decision on whether that will happen will be a collective one. But socialism is here to stay. It is the end point of human history.”

Obama Claims Credit for U.S. Energy Boom Since He Left Office

Concerned that President Trump “might unjustly be credited with the country’s current energy boom” former President Obama hastened to point out to voters that “none of what we are seeing today would’ve been possible if not for the actions taken during my administration.”

“For eight years my administration did everything it could to suppress energy production in the United States,” Obama pointed out. “We blocked coal production. We discouraged fracking. We denied drilling permits wherever we could. We prevented pipeline and refinery construction. When I left office, gasoline was nearly $4 per gallon. The energy sector was languishing under our smothering regulations. Without this low point, the upside potential for the Trump Administration’s stimulative initiatives would have been negligible. I don’t want people to forget that if it weren’t for the ‘bust’ that my policies engineered there never could’ve been a Trump ‘boom.’”

Obama’s claim earned him a Trump tweet thanking him for clarifying the record. “You heard it from the horse’s mouth, if Obama hadn’t tied the energy industry’s hands for eight years there wouldn’t have been anything for me to deregulate. He is like a kidnapper taking credit when police finally locate and release the victim whose regained freedom wouldn’t have been possible if not for being held captive. Now, why is this admitted malefactor a Nobel Prize winner?”

Liberals Talk Down to Blacks, Conservatives Don’t

A study by Cydney Dupree, assistant professor of organizational behavior at the Yale School of Management, found that liberals talk down to blacks. The research found that Democratic candidates used fewer competence-related words in speeches to audiences consisting mostly of minorities than they did in speeches to mostly white audiences. “It was kind of an unpleasant surprise to see this subtle, but persistent effect,” Dupree lamented. “Even if it’s ultimately well-intentioned, it could be seen as patronizing.”

Democratic National Committee Chairman Tom Perez defended the practice of talking down to minorities and cited his party’s recent success in taking back the majority in the House of Representatives as “proof that this strategy works.”

“Since we can’t compete on the basis of policies that will truly benefit minorities we have to have a strategy that compensates for this deficiency,” Perez explained. “By dumbing down our language so we sound more like the ignorant and uneducated voters who form our core constituency we feel we can win their trust. Our candidates may be millionaires, but if they don’t sound educated that will be overlooked.”

Perez also expressed gratitude “for our friends in the media for not calling us out on this condescending practice. The slightest hint of condescension by a Republican will bring a firestorm of criticism from the folks at CNN, MSNBC, and others. This allows us to paint them as racist or worse. Is it a double standard? Yes, but since the end result is desirable our use of this strategy is, in my mind, vindicated.”

School Bans Christmas Carols that Mention Jesus

The Robious Middle School in Midlothian, Virginia announced that any Christmas song that mentions Jesus will be prohibited from being sung or played during the holiday season. Principal Dr. Derek Wasnock explained that “since non-Christians might be offended by hearing Jesus’ name, the only way for us to be inclusive of all religions during the holiday season is to exclude any music that includes His name.”

The move was applauded by the school’s nine-member Students for a Muslim America Association. The school’s much larger contingent of Catholic and protestant students were puzzled and disappointed. One of them speaking “off-the-record,” lest he be sanctioned by school authorities, observed that “I suppose it isn’t enough that everyone has to endure Muslim sensitivity training, but it seems absurd that a holiday celebrating Jesus’ birth has to censor any mention of His name.”

Wasnock vowed “we will find out who criticized our inclusive exclusion and suspend or expel him or her—whichever seems most appropriate given his or her previous violations of school policies.”

A Satirical Look at Recent News

John Semmens is a retired economist who has written a weekly political satire for The Arizona Conservative since 2005. He says working on his satires is one of the ways he tries to honor the liberties our Founding Fathers tried to protect.” This post is also available on Facebook.

Please do us a favor. If you use material created by The Arizona Conservative, give us credit and DO NOT change the context. Thank you.

This past week, former U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton warned European politicians that “the lack of tough-sounding rhetoric regarding immigrants and refugees has paved the way for right-wing populists like Hungary’s Viktor Orbán, the Alternative for Germany Party, and Donald Trump to gain traction with voters. Preying on voters’ fears that allowing masses of semi-civilized immigrants into their countries endangers their cultural history, these political outsiders have threatened the long-term progressive governing coalition in several countries.”

Clinton advised that “we need to take a more nuanced message to the voters who currently matter in order to keep the doors open to voters who will, in gratitude for the better lives a generous social welfare state offers over the hellish conditions they are emigrating from, appreciate what the governing class has to offer them. If I had grasped this during my 2016 run for the U.S. presidency, Donald Trump’s message would have been blunted and he never would’ve become president.”

The former presidential candidate hastened to clarify that “I’m not saying that we need to close the doors to immigration so much as I’m saying that we need to sound like that is an option we are considering out of concern for voters who are being hurt by open borders. We need to use words like ‘comprehensive immigration reform’ and ‘a system that is fair to all’ even if in the end the result is no substantive change in our open borders policy. As the UN has recently proclaimed, migration is a human right. No country has a moral right to block the entry of anyone demanding admittance. The key is ensuring that a progressive elite retains the reins of government. A sophisticated messaging system will help us maintain control and block right-wing elements from interfering with our right to govern for the good of all humanity.”

Clinton expressed confidence in the success of an improved message “because deep down, people don’t want responsibility and freedom. They want to be told what to do and where to go and how to live. We social progressives are the only ones truly prepared to control these aspects of everyone’s lives. The right is still tied to anachronistic ideas of individual autonomy where each person is expected to chart the course of his own life.”

Obama Discusses 2018 Election Results

Disappointed that Democrats didn’t win every contested election in the 2018 mid-terms, former President Barack Obama charged that “too many voters are still confused, blind, filled with hate and racist. Given a clear choice between the progressive socialist values represented by Democrats in every state and district, a distressingly large number of voters persisted in pulling the lever for Republicans.”

Obama laid some of the blame on himself for not seeking a third term as president. “I’m confident that I would’ve won,” he boasted. “I would’ve gotten billions of dollars of in-kind publicity from a loyal press corps. The people love me. But I let myself be dissuaded by a constitutional quirk limiting presidents to two terms. In retrospect, I’m pretty sure that I could’ve gotten a friendly judge to put a temporary restraining order on that constitutional provision. Once I was reelected who would’ve had the nerve to argue for overturning the will of the voters? My unthinking submission to a piece of paper denied voters their democratic right to freely choose their own government.”

According to the ex-president, a “silver lining” from the 2018 election results was the emergence of Texas Senate candidate Beto O’Rourke as a 2020 Democratic presidential contender. “He is, for all intents and purposes, a white version of me,” Obama asserted. “He is smooth, articulate, and a good looking guy. Like me, he had no significant accomplishments as a member of Congress and can define himself as whoever he wants to be. Even better, since he lost his senate race against Ted Cruz he is free to work full-time on a 2020 presidential campaign. This should give him a valuable head start in fund raising vs. other Democratic contenders who will be bogged down with attending to legislative duties over the next two years.”

Gov. Kasich Lurches Left

Eyeing a potential 2020 run against President Trump, Ohio Gov. John Kasich (R) took a dramatic left turn in his final months in office. Persuaded that his “everyone needs a hug” might be a bit too thin of a platform, Kasich decided to reverse gears on traditional Republican pro-life and pro-self-defense positions and veto the so-called “heartbeat bill” and “stand-your-ground bill.”

“The key factor in my decision was my perception that I must differentiate myself from Trump in any way I can,” Kasich explained. “If Trump is for something it must be wrong for America. So, when Trump came out as anti-abortion, I figure I have to oppose that position. The same goes for personal self-defense. Trump is such a strong advocate for Second Amendment rights that the only logical choice left for those of us who want to remove this monster from the presidency is to oppose the Second Amendment.”

Both bills have passed the Ohio House with veto-proof majorities, but the Governor has threatened “to ruin everyone’s Christmas holiday” by forcing the legislature to return for an override vote during Christmas week. “If these guys believe so strongly in protecting the lives of the unborn or allowing citizens to use deadly force against criminals let them sacrifice their comfort for their beliefs.”

Whether Kasich’s betrayal of Republican voters who elected him to two terms as Ohio’s governor will achieve the results he anticipates remains doubtful. Incoming Republican Gov. Mike Dewine favors both bills. So, a Kasich veto will likely only postpone enactment by a few months. As for boosting Kasich’s chances against Trump, it seems that a “newbie” baby killer and gun-grabber would be less attractive than one of the Democratic 2020 presidential contenders with a longer pedigree on these issues.

In related news, it appears that Kasich’s new position on abortion is in line with the Human Rights Committee of United Nations which just declared that “states must legalize abortion.” The declaration comes as a “reinterpretation” of an older UN provision stating that “Every human being has the inherent right to life. This right shall be protected by law.” The new interpretation includes legalization of assisted suicide and euthanasia. High Commissioner Michelle Bachelet Jeria explained “we needed to update our interpretation to deal with the emerging problems of surplus human population. The previous provision was drafted in the wake of World War II when the widespread destruction of human life was on everyone’s mind.”

NBC’s Chuck Todd Calls White House Media Rules “Absurd”

The recently released rules for White House press conference participants were excoriated by MSNBC talking head Chuck Todd as “absurd.” Under the announced rules each member of the press will be expected to yield the floor to another member of the press corps after asking a question unless the President, Press Secretary, or other official conducting the press conference allows a follow-up question, after which the questioner will be expected to yield the floor to a colleague.

“Insisting that we politely take turns is treating us like children,” Todd complained. “I mean, it’s not as if any member of the legitimate press corps at these conferences has a different opinion about Trump or his Administration. We all agree that he and it are the enemy of the American people. Each of us is dedicated to using every opportunity to make this point. Wresting the microphone away from whichever legitimate journalist possesses it is a ruse to allow illegitimate journalistic posers to break the train of thought by giving them an undeserved turn.”

Todd vowed “to fight such a rule with every ounce of my strength. If push comes to shove I will follow the example of CNN’s Jim Acosta and rebuff any attempt by any intern to pass the microphone to someone else not of my choosing. If this means pushing her away or even knocking her to the floor, so be it. The fate of our democracy is too important to be subverted by appeals to decorum or equal access to all points of view. No self-respecting member of the legitimate media will shy away from this battle no matter how rude and obnoxious we are forced to become in pursuit of our political agenda.”

Meanwhile, veteran journalist Carl Bernstein suggested that a better response would be for the media to stop airing unedited press conferences. “Our control of the narrative would be more complete if only the portions we deem newsworthy were allowed on the air,” Bernstein said. “This would cut off Trump’s direct communication with voters. All they would see is what we want them to see.”

9th Circuit Judge Blocks Trump Refugee Policy

US District Judge Jon Steven Tigar in San Francisco blocked the Trump Administration’s policy requiring applicants for refugee status to follow established legal procedures. According to Tigar, “the Trump Administration protocol discriminates against the estimated 500 members of the migrant caravan whose criminal records make following established legal procedures impractical. Under the Trump protocol these criminals would be automatically barred from entry—totally negating their chance for integrating themselves into the United States.”

Unsurprisingly, the Trump Administration denounced Tigar’s ruling, calling it contrary to law and vowing to appeal it to a higher court. “It’s just one more example of the outrageous and lawless behavior of the infamous 9th Circuit,” President Trump complained. “The numbers speak for themselves. The 9th Circuit has been overruled by the Supreme Court more than any other circuit in the country.”

U.S. Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts prematurely injected himself into the controversy by admonishing President Trump’s complaint about the 9th Circuit. “The President is unfairly accusing the 9th Circuit of political bias and overlooking the possibility that the judges there are simply incompetent. What Trump is characterizing as bias could be stupidity or ignorance. The frequent overturning of the 9th Circuit by the Supreme Court is, in my opinion, stronger evidence for ignorance of the law and Constitution than it is of political bias, which if intelligently crafted might have a better chance of avoiding reversal. And let’s not forget that the 9th Circuit is located in California—a state notorious for ill-considered and ignorant public policies enacted and carried out by non-judicial elements of the government. Right now half the state is on fire because Gov. Brown vetoed sensible fire control measures.”

Meanwhile, members of the migrant caravan have been complaining about the free tacos and refried beans being given to them, calling it “pig food” and citing this as a reason for rejecting Mexico’s offer of asylum. “We want to eat the same steaks wealthy Americans eat,” said the complaining refugee. “There’s no point in us settling for the same kind of crappy food that was available to us in Guatemala.”

NYC Mayor Calls for Government Control of All Property

Buoyed by the electoral success of so many democratic socialists in the recently concluded mid-terms, New York City Mayor Bill deBlasio wondered “if now is the time to implement the socialist ideal of total government control over all property. I think people all over this city, of every background, would like to have the city government determine which building goes where, how high it will be, who gets to live in it, and what the rent will be.”

“The current situation which requires people to take responsibility for where they live is socially unjust,” the Mayor argued. “Why should some people have nicer apartments merely because they can afford them? Wouldn’t it be better if the government could freely assess each person’s needs and assign him the space most appropriate for fulfilling those needs? I think most people are coming around to appreciate the approach successfully used by the Soviet Union to assign each person to the proper quantity of living space based on his social value to the collective. For some that may require them to accept government-assigned roommates if, in the judgment of housing authorities, their current living space is more than they are entitled to.”

DeBlasio acknowledged that his ideas “are likely to be opposed by those unduly attached to anti-social notions of individualism and privacy. But isn’t the transformation away from individualism and privacy and important part of what President Obama tried to achieve for this country? Maybe those who can’t currently accommodate themselves to the new way of thinking should be sent to reeducation facilities to help them grasp the correct way of thinking about social issues.”

A Satirical Look at Recent News

John Semmens is a retired economist who has written a weekly political satire for The Arizona Conservative since 2005. He says working on his satires is one of the ways he tries to honor the liberties our Founding Fathers tried to protect.” This post is also available on Facebook.

Please do us a favor. If you use material created by The Arizona Conservative, give us credit and DO NOT change the context. Thank you.

After all the post-election massaging of ballots failed to produce a victory for Democratic gubernatorial candidate Stacy Abrams, the Party was considering demanding that the courts order a “do over.” The latest recount shows the GOP candidate Brian Kemp with 50.2% of the votes. Since this is a majority of the votes counted it is enough to win the office outright without the runoff that would have been required had he failed to get 50% +1 vote.

The Abrams’ campaign theorized that there are more than enough potential votes that could have been cast if more voters would have gone to the polls or submitted absentee ballots to have pushed Kemp below a majority if these potential votes would have gone for Abrams.

Allegra Lawrence-Hardy, Abrams’ campaign chairwoman, lamented that “unlike in Florida, the Georgia Democratic Party was not given sufficient time to locate misplaced boxes of ballots or to correct erroneously marked ballots. Then in Fulton County over 5,000 duplicate ballots were simply discarded. Inasmuch as these traditional tools were not available to us, we contend that this constitutes the type of significant ‘irregularity’ that justifies starting over from scratch. However, since state law doesn’t support our concept of potential votes we have no choice but to concede defeat at this time.”

Dem Antics in Florida Defy Logic

The Florida Democratic Party made a post-election bid to “cure” defective ballots in the hope that a court would order these ballots to be counted in contradiction to state law. Chair of the Party, Terrie Rizzo explained that “it’s only after all the legally compliant votes have been counted that we know how close the election was and whether it’s worth the effort to try to get non-compliant ballots counted. With Republicans holding slim leads it was our assessment that bending the rules in the hope that a friendly judge would reward our effort seemed warranted.”

Meanwhile, defeated Sen. Bill Nelson (D-Fla) is now urging the courts “to reopen the voting. Seeing how close the outcome was it goes without saying that there are now a lot of voters who wish they had taken the time to cast a ballot for me. Since the term of office of a US Senator is 6 years, surely the courts could allow another six weeks for these voters to come forward and cast the ballots they should have cast by Nov 6.”

Not to be left out, defeated Democratic gubernatorial candidate Tallahassee Mayor Andrew Gillum, fresh off his demand that every vote be counted, objected to including 150 votes from citizens in hurricane devastated northwest Florida because Bay County Elections Supervisor Mark Andersen allowed these voters to vote via email or fax. Andersen called it “an equity issue. Since I was able to match the signatures with the ones on file I deemed it reasonable to include these votes.” Gillum contrasted this “playing favorites” with “the routine rejection of votes cast by non-citizens who cast their ballots at the polls on election day,” which he characterized as “racism, pure and simple.”

“Gov Bryant’s concern is disgusting and vile,” Roberts asserted. “It’s racist to single out the black mothers who choose to abort their babies.”

ThinkProgress, a left-wing pro-abortion news site, slammed Bryant as a “misogynoir. His notion that abortion poses a distinct threat against black lives is a myth.”

Claiming something is a myth when the weight of evidence would appear to support Gov Bryant’s concerns says more about the fanaticism of the abortion death cult than it does about those who are combating it. Though black women represent only 13% of women in the United States, Planned Parenthood, the largest abortion provider in America, has placed 79% of its abortion facilities within walking distance of minority neighborhoods. Black women also have about 30% of the abortions performed in this country. It seems more plausible that Planned Parenthood and the abortion industry have targeted blacks as “likely customers” for their lethal services and are prepared to vilify anyone who might be perceived as a threat to their exploitation of these customers.

Meanwhile, the evil abortion giant has gotten even more brazen in its advocacy for murdering unborn children. In a new ad created by the Agenda Project, a pro-abortion advocacy group, a smiling baby is shown along with the message “beautiful as she may be, it is your right to abort her if you aren’t ready to be a parent.”

Dem Demands 100% Renewable Energy by 2030

Impatient to make her mark on US policy, newly elected Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) is demanding a Party commitment to 100% renewable energy by 2030 as the “price” for her support of Rep. Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif) as House Speaker.

Apprised that 100% renewable energy would likely price most consumers out of the market, Ocasio-Cortez trotted out her personal catchphrase of “just pay for it” in response. “The government can print as much money as is needed. There’s no reason why cost should any longer be a barrier to the implementation of the policies and programs required to create the workers’ paradise promised by Karl Marx.”

Ocasio-Cortez hastened to reassure her followers that “my pledge to vote for Pelosi as Speaker is just a temporary expedient. Like all members of the patrician class she will be liquidated when the time is right. Why mot let her enjoy a ‘last hurrah’ before we put her head in the noose?”

New Kansas Gov Ready to Abuse Authority

Under the mistaken notion that she has been elected dictator, Gov-Elect Laura Kelly (D) has announced her intention to “stick it to the social conservatives who opposed my election.” Items high on her agenda for her first days as Governor include ignoring a newly passed state law that bans state officials from harassing faith-based adoption agencies. Under the law these private organizations would be permitted to pursue placing orphans with married opposite sex parents.

“In my view, orphans ought to be placed in a non-discriminatory fashion,” Kelly maintained. “No private adoption agency has a right to deviate from a random pattern of placement. We will audit all of them and if we detect a non-random pattern we will close them down.” The fact that this would be in exact opposition to state law didn’t faze the new Gov, who proclaimed that “the law is what I say it is. Anyone who doesn’t like it can sue me.”

A second priority will be to undo the privacy protections implemented by former Gov Sam Brownback. Under Brownback’s executive order, private organizations were permitted to establish their own rules regarding which sex was allowed to use which bathroom. “There is no right to privacy against government policy,” Kelly declared. “If I say that all bathrooms must be accessible to all persons based on their self-identified gender, no individual or organization will be permitted to deviate from the rules I lay down. Protecting the rights of our LGBTQ community takes precedence over the idiosyncratic prejudices, religious delusions, or personal squeamishness of those who oppose this essential civil right.”

Meanwhile in Kansas City, the health Department destroyed food that was going to be distributed to the homeless by a group called Free Hot Soup KC. The food, which included home-cooked chili, foil wrapped sandwiches and vats of soup was deemed “too risky” by department director Rex Archer who contended that “people could’ve gotten sick. So we did the only thing we could and poured bleach onto all of it to prevent that from happening.” Archer was a bit blasé about the prospect that the alternative for many of the homeless was dumpster diving, where the risk of food poisoning would seem to be considerably higher, saying “where they get their food when we’re not watching is not our concern. Our job is to defend area restaurants from the unfair competition posed by do-gooders like Free Hot Soup KC.”

CNN Sues to Reinstate Acosta Press Pass

After the Trump Administration canceled the press pass of CNN’s Jim Acosta for his boorish behavior, his network has filed suit demanding his reinstatement, calling an issue of freedom of speech. A court has ordered that Acosta’s pass be temporarily returned until the issue is adjudicated.

The gist of CNN’s case is that their reporter has a supreme right to hog the microphone “for as long as he needs to in order to make his point that President Trump is an unlawful usurper. It is the obligation of all other media present to yield their opportunity to ask questions until after our representative is satisfied.”

CNN belittled concerns that Acosta’s abuse of his peers could constitute an unfair practice, saying that “only a tiny minority of those representing other members of the media have the stature and gravitas that we bring to the table. Even though our viewer share is easily surpassed by several other news networks, we are appealing to the best and brightest of minds across the world. Those that have chosen the low road of appealing to the masses of ignorant Americans have no reasonable grounds for compliant.”

A Satirical Look at Recent News

John Semmens is a retired economist who has written a weekly political satire for The Arizona Conservative since 2005. He says working on his satires is one of the ways he tries to honor the liberties our Founding Fathers tried to protect.” This post is also available on Facebook.

Please do us a favor. If you use material created by The Arizona Conservative, give us credit and DO NOT change the context. Thank you.

In the wake of closely contested races for Senator and Governor, Broward County Elections Supervisor Brenda Snipes sought to defend violating state election laws. Under state law each county is required to report the number of ballots to be counted in a timely fashion. Broward was one of the two out of 67 counties not to do so.

Snipes contended that her lack of compliance with the law “was guided by a higher loyalty. It seems like every election new boxes of ballots keep being found in the darndest places. In order to ensure that these voters are not disenfranchised it’s necessary to keep the process open.”

The whole notion of boxes of ballots going unaccounted for days after the polls close reeks of incredible incompetence or convenient corruption. Snipes brushed aside concerns that these “found” boxes might not contain valid votes, saying that “while we cannot say for sure how the boxes were misplaced, once we have looked inside it is clear that the ballots have in fact been filled out by someone. I suppose there is a possibility the votes could’ve been fraudulently prepared, but there is also the possibility they were not. Given these 50/50 odds, I prefer to include them in the total count.”

Gov. Rick Scott blasted Snipes’ attitude, declaring that “the whole point of the state election laws requirement of a timely reporting of results is precisely to prevent the ‘finding of boxes of ballots of unknown origin’ from being injected into the stream of ballots that have gone through the legal verification process. Snipes is trying justify what amounts to stealing the election.”

Florida Judge Carol-Lisa Phillips has ruled that Broward County’s Supervisor of Elections Brenda Snipes violated the state constitution by not following the open records laws and ordered her to comply by revealing how many electors voted, how many ballots have been canvassed, and how many ballots remain to be canvassed by 7 p.m. Friday, Nov 9th. It wasn’t clear that Snipes would obey this court order when she said “even if we did reveal some of this information it doesn’t mean that our search for other wayward boxes of ballots won’t go on.”

The arrogance of Snipes may stem, in part, from a 1982 agreement by the Republican National Committee to not raise the issue of fraud in any election where minorities represent a substantial portion of the electorate. While this agreement is little known outside the inner circles of the two major Parties it has probably given rise to brazen behavior by Democrat Party officials since then. However, the agreement expired in December of 2017 and may lead to a more aggressive effort combat fraud of the type Snipes has become accustomed to perpetrating.

In L.A. Vet Blocked from Voting

On election day a poll monitor in a Los Angeles precinct blocked army veteran John Reader from voting because of “the symbol of hatred” on his shirt. The symbol: a US flag.

“I thought displaying the flag was a general expression of patriotism, you know for our country,” Reader said. “How’s that a hate symbol?”

The poll monitor who would only give his first name (Bill) asserted that “someone so ignorant as to not know that the American flag is a symbol imperialism, oppression, and hatred shouldn’t be voting in our elections. Generous person that I am, though, I offered to let him vote if he turned his shirt inside out, but he refused.”

Reader was eventually allowed to vote after a 90 minute delay when the county registrar intervened. Bill will be required to undergo retraining before he is allowed to work in future elections.

Vox Justifies Leftists Terrorizing Opponents

This week a loud and angry mob of Antifa activists surrounded the home of Fox News personality Tucker Carlson engaged in lengthy chanting of leftist slogans and ended up breaking the home’s front door. Tucker’s terrified wife barricaded herself inside and called the police.

While most media commentators on both sides of the left-right spectrum denounced this tactic, Vox Senior Correspondent and co-founder Matthew Yglesias hailed it, saying “I think the idea behind terrorizing his family is to make them feel some of the fear that the victims of MAGA-inspired violence feel thanks to the non-stop racial incitement coming from Tucker, Trump, etc.”

The fact that MAGA-inspired violence seems basically nonexistent and the total lack of any evidence that Tucker, Trump, or any major right-wing spokesperson has ever sicced a mob on anyone didn’t faze Yglesias. “Sure they may not have consciously spewed racism, but those of us who know how to read between the lines can see it,” he insisted. “The fact that Carlson disagrees with a minority guest on his show is enough proof for me that he is a racist and liable for whatever form of revenge selected by those he has offended. You know terror is an important political weapon as was shown to the world by Lenin when he used it to enable a tiny cadre of Bolsheviks to take over a whole nation.”

Contrasting Abortion Decisions in Two States

In this election abortion ballot measures appeared in two states. In West Virginia, voters approved a constitutional amendment with the following wording: “Nothing in this Constitution secures or protects a right to abortion or requires the funding of abortion.”

In Oregon, voters defeated a measure that banned taxpayers funding of elective abortions. Oregon is one of 17 states that forces taxpayers to fund elective abortions. Because the state has no abortion restrictions, tax dollars pay for unborn babies to be aborted for any reason up to the moment before birth. In 2017, Gov. Kate Brown (D) signed a bill expanding taxpayer-funded abortions to illegal immigrants and government employees.

Meanwhile, Women’s March denounced white women for failure to deliver the blue wave that would have allowed Democrats to take both Houses of Congress. “Their aversion to supporting abortion rights is shameful,” declared pro-abortion feminist writer Jill Filipovic. “The termination ratios for minority women dwarf those of white women. It is racist and unfair for them to have to bear such a disproportionate share of the task of culling the human herd.”

However, African pro-life leader Obianuju Ekeocha rebuked the Woman’s March: “They shame white women for their politics and dare to tell them how to vote. Women’s March is a rabidly racist and oppressive organization. I thought those were abolished by the end of segregation. I guess I was wrong.”

DC to Crack Down on “Play Dates”

The practice of parents with similarly aged children meeting up for play dates is in the cross hairs of the DC bureaucracy. State Superintendent of Education Hanseul Kang has charged that these informal arrangements “are an illegal intrusion on turf reserved for my department. There are public institutions targeting young children and their development. Every hour wasted at some play group run by unqualified parents is an hour that could have been spent in a program run by professionals. It doesn’t matter that the play dates are voluntary or that participation seemingly hurts no one. We will levy fines or whatever other deterrents are necessary to exterminate this deviationist approach to child development.”

New Congresswoman Can’t Afford Apartment

Newly elected Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) faulted the US electoral system for her inability to afford an apartment in Washington, DC. “I’m elected today, but now I’m told my salary doesn’t start until January 3,” she lamented. “What kind of twisted system doesn’t ensure its rulers have the accommodations to which their rank should entitle them? The government can print as much money as it wants, so just pay for it.”

The sheer lack of resourcefulness of this woman ought to be giving those who voted for her some second thoughts. Her salary of over $170,000 per year starting in January of 2019 gives her the ability to acquire a loan. Most self-supporting adults would be familiar with how to obtain such a loan or at least have the sense to walk into a bank, explain their need and show proof of an income adequate to repay the loan.

Video Proves Acosta Lied

This week, CNN’s Jim Acosta lost his White House press pass. The events leading up to this began with his abuse of the press conference’s opportunity to question President Trump live in front of multimedia. Given an opportunity to ask a question Acosta launched into a lecture about how the caravan from Guatemala was not an invasion. Trump attempted to agree to disagree, but Acosta persisted in berating him. Having gone way past a reasonable time with the microphone, Trump asked Acosta to let another member of the media have a turn. Acosta continued to rant and an intern attempted to pass the microphone to someone else.

Afterwards, Acosta maintained that he never touched the young woman. However, a video of the event clearly shows Acosta pushing the intern away. CNN then claimed that “the video must have been doctored because Jim doesn’t lie.”

An incredulous Trump exclaimed “give me a break. CNN is a perpetual fountain of lies when it comes to the news. The demand that their articulated lies ought to refute video evidence to the contrary is absurd.” Technical experts who examined the video concluded that the video didn’t appear to have been altered: “Slowing down the action and zooming in for a close-up is not an alteration. This video technique is often done by CNN itself. To claim in this case that is is an alteration is profoundly dishonest.”

Note: Having a Democrat controlling elections is like letting a fox in the hen house:

By Lukas Mikelionis | Fox News

A county official in Arizona, whom Republicans accuse of destroying evidence to cover up “voting irregularities,” has previously defended the accused ringleader of a group of gun straw buyers in Operation Fast and Furious, the federal operation that led to the death of a Border Patrol agent in the state.

Before he was elected in 2016 as Maricopa County recorder, Adrian Fontes was an attorney representing clients in narco-terrorism and firearms scandals.

He is now at the center of a contentious vote-count procedure in Arizona’s U.S. Senate race, where Democrat Kyrsten Sinema suddenly took a lead over Republican Martha McSally, thanks to votes mostly in Maricopa County.

The Republican Party objected to Fontes’ efforts to allow voters to confirm that they signed early ballots that were dropped off on Election Day, and criticized the official for opening emergency voting centers the weekend before Tuesday’s election and for mixing disputed ballots with valid ones.

The accusations of improper procedures led to a deal between Republicans and Democrats being struck in court on Friday, giving all counties in Arizona until this coming Wednesday to address problems with ballots.

“Adrian Fontes intentionally put himself above the law and the judicial process,” Arizona Republican Party Chairman Jonathan Lines said in a statement before the agreement. “Such a man cannot be trusted to administer elections in Arizona. We are reviewing all legal options at this time and will continue to protect the rights of every legal voter in Arizona.”

“Such a man cannot be trusted to administer elections in Arizona. We are reviewing all legal options at this time and will continue to protect the rights of every legal voter in Arizona.”— Arizona Republican Party Chairman Jonathan Lines

Fontes, a Democrat, represented Manuel Celis-Acosta in 2011 following his arrest in Operation Fast and Furious, in which some federal officers aimed to sell firearms to Mexican drug cartels so the U.S. government could then track the weapons.

The accused man allegedly transferred around 2,000 weapons to the Sinaloa Cartel, including those that were allegedly used to kill Border Patrol agent Brian Terry.

But Fontes dismissed the role of the ringleader, saying the gun straw buyers — those who purchase weapons for those who cannot — were just “a bunch of kids” and not a “nefarious organization.”
“A straw buyer is usually a kid who is 18-25, who needs a couple hundred extra bucks and knows somebody who knows somebody that has a way to make a couple extra bucks,” Adrian Fontes told Fox News in 2012.

“The government wants a dramatic indictment, they want the conspiracy to sound like it’s run out by highly sophisticated individuals who are involved with a particularly nefarious organization when the reality is it’s just a bunch of kids,” he added.

The main suspect in Operation Fast and Furious was arrested twice before, a report shows
In 2011, the attorney also represented Emilia Palomina-Robles, a woman who was part of the three-person group charged with an attempt to purchase a Stinger missile and other military weapons for a Mexican drug cartel.

Fontes accused the government at the time of “trying to see if they could make the charges stick” after the government kept the court filings sealed. “The government will have a tough time proving all the allegations,” he said.

The woman was later sentenced to 10 years in prison for her role in the scheme to acquire the military-grade weapons on behalf of a drug cartel.

“From the beginning, we have always had one goal: fair treatment of all voters, regardless of which county they live in.

“Today’s settlement ensures that voters in all of Arizona’s 15 counties, particularly those 11 rural counties that had not been planning to continue with ballot rehabilitation, will have their voices heard.

“I am still very disappointed in the conduct of County Recorder Adrian Fontes. His lack of respect for the rule of law and his willful destruction of evidence should not be forgotten. There must be a full accounting of his actions. We will not forget, nor allow this settlement to sweep his possible misconduct under the rug.”

“Equal protection under the law is a fundamental constitutional right for American voters. As a combat veteran, I fought to protect it. And today, we won an important battle to preserve that right for rural voters in Arizona. I will continue fighting until every ballot is counted.”

As of 5 p.m. today (Nov. 9th), Sinema’s vote tally is 991,189. McSally sits at 970,986. Surprisingly, Sinema is also stretching her lead in Maricopa County, usually a grave-yard for the Left. Maricopa County is going for Sinema by 595,444 to 556,076. Outside of Maricopa County, McSally leads 414,910 to 395,745. For many elections in past years, Democrats would have won elections had the GOP candidates not been saved by Maricopa County. What we’re seeing here is totally unexpected.

McSally led by 17,000 votes Wednesday. By Thursday, Sinema went ahead by 9,000 votes. There are still hundreds of thousands of ballots waiting to be processed.

As President Trump noted today, it seems that every time vote counting gets stretched out, as well as in recounts, the Democrats always seem to benefit.

The yo-yo that is the secretary of state’s precinct reporting totals is once again at 100 percent. That figure has fluctuated wildly throughout the week, leaving people to wonder what the real figure is.

Democrats are seeking to regain control of public education in Arizona as well, and in the state superintendent of public instruction race, their candidate Kathy Hobbs now leads the GOP’s Frank Riggs by some 31,000 votes.

After today’s vote counting, Democrat Sandra Kennedy has moved into second place among three candidates for the Arizona Corporation Commission. The top two of the three candidates will gain election. Republican Justin Olson continues to lead with 901,431 votes. Kennedy, who had been in third place until today, now has 899,610 votes, and Republican Rodney Glassman dropped from second to third with 897,938 votes.

Every day since Election Day Tuesday, Democrats in Arizona have had the bigger day. Each day now looks like a Pima County day. Democrats heavily control the state’s second-largest county.

The Arizona Republican Party objects in the strongest possible terms to the deliberate, premeditated destruction of evidence by Maricopa County Recorder Adrian Fontes.

After voting irregularities were discovered during the early voting period, the Arizona Republican Party sent a formal, written request to all county recorders in Arizona, including Fontes, to preserve all evidence of such irregularities. These irregularities include the creation of so-called “emergency voting centers” when no emergency existed; and an inconsistent method for rehabilitating early ballots.

Specifically, the Arizona Republican Party notified Fontes of these irregularities, that there may be a legal challenge based on these irregularities and inconsistencies, and that the law, therefore, required the county recorders to set aside the disputed ballots to allow the legal process to play out in due course.

Instead, Fontes intentionally destroyed the evidence. He directed his office to mix the disputed ballots in with the undisputed ballots—thereby ensuring that there could be no review of voting irregularities. Fontes’s decision was made deliberately, after receiving the letter from the Arizona Republican Party and being informed of his legal duty to preserve evidence.

Chairman Jonathan Lines issued the following statement: “Adrian Fontes intentionally put himself above the law and the judicial process. Such a man cannot be trusted to administer elections in Arizona. We are reviewing all legal options at this time and will continue to protect the rights of every legal voter in Arizona.”