So here I am after months of being absent I dropped down to a wonderful 150 pounds only to find myself back up to 170.

Working three jobs, couple of therapy sessions, failed relationship and moving in the end life takes a tole on you and you tend to forget about yourself in the process…at least I did.

I’d like to say a new year a fresh start, but the honest truth is a week before Christmas I decided I needed to do this. I needed to do it for myself because I was sick of falling back into the same patterns. I evaluated myself last year, figured out my trigger points, figured out what causes me to be as destructive as I was and why I failed my journey to begin with only 10 pounds away from my goal!

I self sabotaged, and it’s something I’m good at doing whether it’s my weightloss or my relationshops I self Sabotage them because it’s easier to do that than it is to succeed…because what do you do after you succeed? Well no more, it’s time things change. It’s time I change my life style, everything around it and remove every last bit of toxic people, things etc…in my life.

I’m trying to keep this on the low down this time around, though there is something that happened last year near the end of it which royally pissed me off. I won’t explain on here given the fact which I doubt but there is a possibilty this person may or may not read it. Let’s just say it made me realize a lot of things and has helped me through this time to push through all of it. I’m not sure why people who are your friends who are miserable like to bring everyone else down around them in hopes they fail along side with their failure, but it happened. I can’t blame them, or anyone but myself for being blinded by it, for allowing it to happen. I can say I’m royally disappointed it happened, but in the end it brings me to have competition which I know I’ll win and succeed because though I have never been a competitive person…after realizing what happened it hit me on this.

It’s not a race I know it’s not, I’m doing this for myself, my own way because I WANT to be a better person, to myself and even to the people around me. I CHOOSE to be a better person, not someone who is stuck in the past because I can’t let go of the things people have done to me to hurt me. In the end I WILL succeed because I have realized that this is something I WANT to do, I NEED to do and I WILL make damn sure I will do it!