All cranks must codify their crankery at some time. This is where I'll be doing mine.

Current thought: The Wedding Fine.

I don't like weddings.

1) Boring2) Formal3) Airline food and I get served last4) Can get too churchy5) Shoite music6) Tediously long7) expensive

I don't think blokes should have to go. But clearly you don't want to be guilted and griefed by the happy couple* so I'm proposing 'the wedding fine'.

Here's how it works. You just give them the total money you would have spent** on the wedding. And that's it. They get a tidy sum as they build thier new life together but there is the new social norm that you did a good thing (weddings can be ghastly displays of ephemeral, conspicuous consumption) but the real benefit is no-one is allowed to consider you a shitty friend or become upset. No "Well I went to yours" type shoite.

The likely ramifications are that weddings will become private, intimate affairs. I can see more zombie killing in 'Left for Dead' 2 during summer weekends. Weddings may become events where the groom is the only male attendee. Maybe he should be allowed to pay the fine, also?

* Let's be honest - it'll be the bride who griefs you. And holds onto it forever.

** Think about this in its entirety - airfare, hotel, rental car, BAR TAB plus the gift you were going to give anyway. You sir are a fabulous human being for being so generous!

Clearly you have neglected to adjust for human behavior in your concept. Think about this for a minute: you are merely giving bridezillas (and the occasional groomzilla) the incentive to host ridiculously remote, logistically irresponsible weddings.

Bride: "Mmmmm...'Wedding Fine', ehh? Oh...I'll show him a fine..."

Announcement: Mr. and Mrs. Parents Bridezilla request the honor of your presence (and Presents) for the marriage of our daughter and that groomguy.

--------------It's natural to be curious about our world, but the scientific method is just one theory about how to best understand it. We live in a democracy, which means we should treat every theory equally. - Steven Colbert, I Am America (and So Can You!)

--------------It's natural to be curious about our world, but the scientific method is just one theory about how to best understand it. We live in a democracy, which means we should treat every theory equally. - Steven Colbert, I Am America (and So Can You!)

Another reason this rule should go into effect. I couldn't handle 3 hours of Carlson and Tarden griding against each other to "the village people's greatest hits".

A

--------------It's natural to be curious about our world, but the scientific method is just one theory about how to best understand it. We live in a democracy, which means we should treat every theory equally. - Steven Colbert, I Am America (and So Can You!)

--------------It's natural to be curious about our world, but the scientific method is just one theory about how to best understand it. We live in a democracy, which means we should treat every theory equally. - Steven Colbert, I Am America (and So Can You!)