Just a quick check-in. Back from a holiday visiting family and friends. It was so great to see everyone. The hard part was seeing my very wonderful aunt for the last time. She has cancer and will not live much longer.

I have not been eating too terribly but have not been engaging in very much purposeful behavior either so need to refocus and recommit to healthier ways.

Hello, everyone. My father passed away after midnight this morning. My sister and I finally got to bed around 5 a.m. and slept for 2-3 hours. I am going to nap or go to bed early tonight. Long week. He will be buried with full military honors and now we will wait to see how long that will be to set up. DH is heading here tomorrow, and part of me wants to know this before he comes. For some acquaintances of my sister, delays in family military burials ranged from two weeks to two months, which would be tough. Not borrowing trouble - we'll see what it is first.

Tensions are so high between my brother and sister and I'm in the middle and I'm so stressed about this, too. One is bringing so much animosity to the table and the other is bringing distrust and disdain. It's awkward and frustrating. I worry now majorly about the division of their household goods- one wants hardly anything and the other wants nearly everything. If it's to be divided in thirds, I don't know how this will work. It's not my call on anything - I'm the youngest and not the executor. I will speak up on a few things but at the end of the day, I will not be happier with MORE. I will be happier remembering the good times with my parents. DH is frustrated because he can see the maneuvering and wants me to not get "taken" ... I see his point, but know that right now - I just want to have things flow peacefully.

Wonderful surprise for me as my cousin/best friend is coming down to pay respects and also be with me. Another reason to really hope that there is no major delay with the burial.

Gave in today and while at the market, bought an apple fritter. I was going to eat it on the way home. I didn't. Once home, I tore off a corner and ate two bites and threw all the rest of it in the garbage. It was 79 cents ... no great loss. I'm guessing it to be about 425 calories and pulled out a save with runners in scoring position on that one No breakfast today but a decent lunch.

Again, thank you for your support ... I encouraged my old kittycat to HOLD ON before I left town. Hope she holds on for a long time.

nationalparker: sorry for your the loss of your father. It sounds like you've got all the balls in the air that need to be there. Remember that "normal" in emotions and behavior in this situation is a very wide range. Good for you for the "save" with the apple fritter -- that sounds like a good "normal" for you. Hugs!

This is the end of the first week of being back OP. I only went over calorie goal once (and by only 30), so I feel good about that. I've been sweet-free, and I feel good about that.

I have a sweet plan to start in August. (In July, I'm sticking with "no sweets at all") Starting in August, I will have dessert on Wednesday evenings. Only on Wednesdays and only after dinner. Only one serving. I think it's a good path forward for me and I can reassess after a month of doing it that way. I'm hoping that it'll be frequent enough that I'll feel satisfied and controlled enough that I won't overdo it and defined enough enough that I'll be able to talk myself through the "want it nows" to the "you can have it on Wednesday". I know some people manage a small treat a day, but I think this might work for me--and one a day did not. (And it'll put our weekend gatherings off the table for sweets--I won't be eating sweets on weekends, so I can't have them there.)

It's strange, I'm feeling the same kind of certainty and motivation I had when I started this route in January 2013. I kept it up well for quite a while, and then it got hard, then it feel apart, and now it's back together and seeming so obvious how to do it.

I noticed that the sun still sets after 9pm and so I felt not as bummed about things. Grateful for that. DH and I are still messed up with this stupid cold/virus/infliction. DH is extra tired, hungry, but not eating much and cranky. I get sweaty easily, am tired and have had an upset tummy for a day or so that isn't enough to turn me off food (that's rare) but is enough to make me wonder if food x will send me "running" so to speak.
And in other news, I now have a week to complete my work for the gallery show. This week will be full of "no choice" days on that and that's always good. I like a deadline. I have been so frustrated with my output this month. I don't even want to consider that I have had major, legitimate, interruptions. I am now wondering if my July's will be like my January's = not very productive. Maybe I need to take a month "off" during the summer BECAUSE it is summer. January is almost impossible for me to work in due to the wintery-ness of it. Maybe it's just this year I'll feel like this. I don't know. Soon the month will be over and it won't be an issue anymore,

Foodwise I am sticking to my low carb plan. I'll be formalizing it more this coming week. It's all loosey-goosey right now. My next official weighin will be at the Tops meeting Tuesday night. I have been showing a loss all week so expect to see one but I won't really believe it until I am on the scale. It's why I need to really follow a plan, a written well thought out and decided upon plan, not just some loose guidelines. I will get it done.

Better go. Want to get to bed early tonight so I can have a good start tomorrow.

nationalparker I am sad to hear your father has passed on but I know it happened in a loving environment and with care. My condolences to you and your family. I am very happy that your DH will be there with you soon.

AZtricia on reaching onederland! Fabulous! You earned it!!

Woodland Enjoy your vacation. Glad you're bringing Beck along! yay!

GosfordGirl Your time by the ocean sounds like it was the break you needed and now you're looking forward to your day to dday life. Sounds like a successful time away.

BillBlueEyes Good job letting go of that dishwasher project and enjoying cherries on this summer weekend in July. Kudos for 2 days OP with snacks. Thanks for being the first person to remind me this was the anniversary of man landing on the moon. That event continues to fuel my artistic life again and again and again.

gardenerjoy I so loved reading how your numbers have changed at the Dr.'s re: blood tests. I sure hope I can one day experience that too. You really do look "healthy" in every sense of that word, actually you look very "fit" as well in that photograph. Be very proud of your accomplishments, especially as you continue to work to keep yourself there. You have shown me it isn't easy but it is sooooo worth the effort. Thank you so much.

bethFromDayton Kudos for coming to some conscious decisions about how you will manage sugar. Awesome. I feel your focus from here. Great job. Credit for being on track re: no sugar as well.

CeeJay Fantastic to hear from you. Good to see you moving forward and racking up some creadits. So very sory to hear of the bittersweet meeting with your aunt. How difficult that must have been but so happy you had a chance to visit.

Found more “Superfood Power Greens” at Costco. The mix is chard, spinach and kale. It is very tasty. Good day today. I decided to have a green smoothie instead of dinner so calorie count was under 1300, OP++. I want to get far away from 200 so I never cross that landmark again. One more pound was down today, but I’ll only move the ticker if it stays gone tomorrow also. What I really need to do is start doing my exercise DVD again! Need to be up and out of the house early tomorrow for the boy’s yearly visit to the pediatrician. Sons have a couple more weeks of busy schedule then DH is going to plan a week off for all of us to relax together. Next week youngest son’s dyslexia therapist is back from vacation so I need to be really diligent this week with him and hopefully she will ‘graduate’ him.

onebyone Sorry to hear you are not feeling well. Hope you kick the bug soon. Thanks for the encouraging words.

bethFromDayton Welcome back. Kudos for sweet free and a plan.

nationalparker It is so difficult to lose loving parents. My heart goes out to you over your double bereavement. Sorry you are stuck in the middle between warring siblings, just SO not what you need right now. Wishing you patience and wisdom as you work through the details. I admire your resistance in tossing the fritter-kudos!

Back home with a complete dog family. They were pretty excited to see me but they see my sister's place as their second home - and I think they like that she is retired and home a lot. I had a lovely beachy east facing sunrise this morning (awake at 4.45am and back in work mode) - it was serene lying in bed with my delivered coffee enjoying it all. Sigh

Dad's (who passed away last November) older sister was admitted to hospital the day before her 90th birthday a week ago with pneumonia and a pulmonary embolis (and a tumour on scan). A year ago she was line dancing and she is very spry and tough. It looked grim but she is recovering. It is scary when you are the oldest generation. Aunt is the last of that generation on Dad's side and there is no-one left since last year on Mum's side (one of 8 children). It is weird becoming the oldest generation. Thankfully Aunt survives. My friend who had the stroke is slowly improving - he has been told by management that after 30 years service he would be better off taking further sick leave because they are not convinced he would function this semester to teach - they are pushing him out. It is not the same world anymore and I am glad I am retiring. One more semester to hang on!

I bought food, looked in the fridge, and am trying to get organised for tomorrow and the week.

Nationalparker - sorry for your loss but happy your father's passing did not linger too long. While it is expected it is never easy. You seem to be too young to have lost both your parents so near each other. It is hard enough sorting out the sale of my dad's house with my sister when relations are relatively congenial so I can't imagine how difficult it seems for you to settle the estate. Huge credit for thowing out the major part of a apple fritter - amazing

BillBE - thanks for the reminder about the First Lunar landing - wow. Credit for OP again with food and snacks - we will see another streak. I love your cherries - will have to go looking for imports. They were so good last year.

Gardenerjoy - Yay for a win with the family pot-luck - tricky

Ceejay - good to see you back from holidays with a great list of credits. Glad you got to say goodbye to your aunt - difficult to do

BethFromDayton - looks like a plan to vanquish the sweets. Credit for working on that. Yay for certainty and motivation - I need a bit of that.

Onebyone - glad you are revelling in summer there. Maybe a summer (and winter) break is what you need for your creativity. Good luck with getting your deadlines met! Yay for a "written well thought out and decided upon plan, not just some loose guidelines" - I need to get me some of them too. Hope you and DH feel better soon

Tricia - Glad you found more superfood greens again - I grow that mix and really need to use it in a smoothy. Might try tomorrow. Hope the paediatrician visit goes well

Credits
- Checked in
- Ate on plan
- Ate mindfully most of the time
- Ate sitting down
- I stopped eating when satisfied
- Exercised - no - gym tomorrow
- Made opportunities for incidental exercise
- Made a food plan for tomorrow
- Made a schedule for tomorrow

Diet Coaches/Buddies  Standard Sunday walk, CREDIT moi. The walking was fun in these cooler days of summer. Snacks were on plan for the third day in a row, CREDIT moi; that felt good.

More walking to go off to have lunch with old colleagues. Lunch was close enough to plan, CREDIT moi. It was a tad high since it was a top end buffet. I loaded up on the salad, but the slabs of roast beef were large. I ignored the tempting rolls with butter, the wild rice, and the spinach stuffed ravioli slathered in something appearing caloric. The desserts were in tiny glasses; I did have one even though the norm was to have at least two if not all of the four choices. I wish desserts were always served tiny - just a small sweet taste.

onebyone  Ouch for the cold that just keeps going. Kudos for keeping your eating plan on the table even though it's a major deadline week with your art.

Joy (gardenerjoy)  Kudos for mindful eating when catching up with friends from 30 years ago.

CeeJay - Yay for a family visit with all positive memories - not all families are like that. Supportive thoughts as you accept the reality of your wonderful aunt.

Cheryl (GosfordGirl)  Hope you can adjust to not having coffee delivered in bed - now that's a good life. Ouch for the masignations around end of career.

nationalparker  My condolences and supportive thoughts for the loss of your father. Whatever his apparent mental state, I'm one of those who believes that he did know you were there the whole time and that that made his passing easier. Hope you find a way to deal with grief at the same time that family dynamics are difficult.

Beth (bethFromDayton)  Kudos for devising a plan for your sweets. I do like the Beckish Helpful Response, "you can have it on Wednesday." [Check your Private Messages; I sent you a PM a few days ago with the names of my friends who visited from Texas to see if you knew them.]

Tricia (AZtricia) - With that name, just gotta believe that Superfood Power Greens will improve health and cure all ailments, LOL. Kudos for "OP++."

Readers -

Quote:

day 19Stop Fooling Yourself

what are you thinking?You might not have many self-deluding, sabotaging thoughts right this minute. But these thoughts probably will surface later, when you want to eat something you shouldn't. Be prepared and have your responses ready.

Sabotaging Thought: It's okay to eat this because I want it - and, besides, I don't really care!Helpful Response: I might not care right at this moment, but I'll care in a few minutes - I'll be very unhappy if I eat something I shouldn't. And I sure will care when I find that I'm not losing weight!

Food has been good. Exercising at work-good, too. Credit. I've been really striving for lower carb lately, which mostly means forgoing my planned and measured carb snacks. It's giving me space to think about the next 10. I've again noticed my body changing despite being at the same weight. I do believe that as I continue to eat healthy (as me default) that my body is constantly reorganizing and shedding fat in favor of healthier "mass". Lol. When I got to work yesterday the old muffins had been replaced by 3 cookies, better quality. After looking at them for awhile I asked the prep cook for permission to move them. I did and it was easier not to think about them. Already prepared...donuts will show up today since my bosses are both working.

Internet has been-not so good. Absolutely zilch when I returned from work yesterday.

nationalparker, sending condolences and hugs, especially as you live on with the reality of sibling "stuff". Glad DH is on his way yet I hope for all that your fathers burial can be timely for everyone's sake.

BBE, great job getting back on track with your meals/snacks. Kudos for only one small dessert.
Cheryl(GosfordGirl), welcome home, pups at your side! Yay for food bought and thoughts of organization for the upcoming week.

Aztricia, belated congrats for crossing over! Such a milestone and the next few weeks of perseverance will keep it there!

ChoosingHappy,

onebyone, yay for sticking with your lower carb plan!

Beth(fromDayton), kudos for sweet free and continued thoughts regarding your plan of action with them.

Having one of those Mondays where I wake up and absolutely everything feels like it is a mess! So, I am trying to get back on track this morning without spending too much time planning how to be on track rather than doing the work.

Hope you all have a fantastic start to the week!

__________________

Things I'm Most Looking Forward To:
More E-N-E-R-G-Y
Buying stylish, not oversized clothes
Being a healthy role-model for my nephews, students, and godson
Horsebackriding without guilt

I'm with FutureFitChick this morning on the manic Monday. DH decided yesterday that what we needed before our trip was new smart phones. It was not on the plan to learn a new phone this week.

We ended up with carry-ins for supper after hours at the phone store. I did okay with pizza & salad, but one slice would have been enough and I had two. We do it so rarely, that I'm not sure that I'll remember next time. Trying to inscribe it on my brain -- one slice of pizza plus lots of salad is what I want!

Worked a full day at the studio and planned to continue into the evening at home but I forgot to bring my artwork with me. I brought everything else but the piece I need to complete. :homer: So, tomorrow it is. I thought maybe I'd get a jump on tomorrow's piece but no way. I just zoned out and had a hungry evening. I had breakfast for dinner but then was starving and gave in. I tried not to give in but I did, but it was low carb, but not so low cal. Hmmm. I need more advance planning re: snack choices. Tomorrow night I go to my weigh-in and we'll see where I'm at. What I ate was pre-made and salty so I had better get some extra water in me tonight.