Does climbing into the pulpit week after week give a girl a skewed, unrealistic view of reality? Absolutely! Read all about it . . .

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Sales Calls

In spite of working with a competent Office Administrator and a team of savvy office volunteers, I occassionaly find myself speaking on the phone to a sales representative of some sort. My husband is in sales, so I feel justified in offering this polite critique to a few of his "colleagues" out there:

1. If you have introduced yourself saying, "Hi this is (your first name). Just calling to check in with (my first name)this moring," you may have successfully duped our office volunteer into thinking you are someone I know well and want to talk to, but I now consider you to be a slick huckster and I don't trust you or like you. Well done. BTW if any of you big insurance,copier or computer companies are actually training your sales force to use this tactic, STOP IT. NOW. It's rude, dishonest and counter-productive.

2.If the next words out of your mouth are: "I've been researching your company's insurance/copier/computer needs and . . ." I immediately know that you have done no research at all or you wouldn't be calling our church a "company". You are reading a script and haven't bothered to nuance your language to fit the kind of organization you are calling.

3. If I tell you I am not knowledgable enough about the intricacies of our employee insurance plan,copier contract or computer system to be the one to evaluate the new product or service you want to sell us, please take my word for it. Trying to fake-compliment me by saying it is important that you deal with "a decision-maker like yourself" just reinforces my idea that you are clueless. There are very few churches in which the pastor can make executive decisions about stuff like this. If I say you need to talk to the chair of our property committee or our finance team, I'm trying to help you, not pass you off to some flunky.

4) If i tell you that we do not accept phone solicitations and ask you to send us something in writing by snail mail so i can route it to the appropriate decision makers and you say you can't that's too bad. I still can't/won't make the decision to buy the product you are lying about.

and

5) When a recording calls to leave a message about a product or service that we can't live without I will not call it back. If it is not important enough to put a real live person on the phone, it is not important enough for me to take the time to call you back.

The sleaziest phone message I've heard recently was an insurance pitch intended for my 81-year-old MIL: "I'm getting back to you regarding our conversation; I've run some numbers and found some options within your budget." (i.e., all of these old people have Alzheimer's! She'll think we really did speak and she just doesn't remember it!) Infuriating.

6) When I tell you we are not interested that is your cue to say "thank you for your time". It does not mean i misunderstood what you said, or that I din't hear you, or that repeating your pitch three more time will change the answer.