Caveopolis, Sinusstein -With the war between Sinusstein and Germery finally off the battlefield and onto the negotiating table, Dictator Brains of the former nation agreed to submit to Germerian occupation for a period up to ninety-nine days in exchange for cessation of hostilities. Long envious of Sinusstein's industrial brawn, Germery's leaders have lost no time in refurbishing damaged Sinussteinian factories. Once used to produce inexplicable headaches, they are now harnessed to the snot engine of Germery.

...

This "semester" of modern class has yet another new teacher. Compared to the previous two, her material thus far has been really easy. I started out quite stiff and rather restrained, I always do. But then, I began to get bored ... and time was moving so slowly. The exercises were too simple for my tastes! I'm no flexible dance genius, but I like a challenge. This teacher is more based on "the zero between the two" and working on patterns. These were no problem. I began to loosen up a little, but I was still too self-conscious, and so my eyes were practically glued to the floor. I had to work to get them up. But other than that, there was little to test me. I looked at the clock. As we moved to cross the floor, I thought to myself, if I don't do something with this, I will totally go insane.

I looked at my fellow students. The middle-aged all-elbows-and-knees gentleman was back. There were several people who had no dance experience. There was a teenager who was chewing gum and wearing dangly jewelry (exceedingly disrespectful and potentially harmful acts in a dance class). There was an elderly woman pushing her body to the limit. There was only one soul (of the indie persuasion in clothing) who seemed to be confident in what she was doing ... and there was the teacher, saying something about how she got past the "routine." At least I think that's what she was going on about at that point, I wasn't paying too much attention.

And suddenly, something clicked, something that hasn't worked right in years.

I WENT ALL OUT AND I HAD FUN.

The walking exercise was boring, walk forward eight, walk backwards four, forward four, walk in a circle for eight. Easy as pie! So I turned it into "someone waiting for the bus." Then the second time through, I decided to add some magic hip action! Then she changed it from a walk to a "small moving jump," and it suddenly occurred to me that bouncing was my favorite part of aerobics in Animal Crossing, so I bounced and got height that nobody could match. I didn't move, I vamoosed! I took that silly routine and said to hell with all your eyes, to hell with the self, and to hell with focusing above the door like she said! I"ll look there, and over there, and over THERE! I totally rocked out.

"Great energy," the teacher exclaimed. "Everybody, watch her! She does this so well!"

I laughed and went "Oh no no, don't watch me!" And then I proceeded to ignore every eyeball and added a little "fawoooom!" action with my arms, and I took that floor, I owned it. I turned the wrong way and I laughed about it and kept on going. LEFT RIGHT WHATEVER.

When we were doing cool down exercises, I decided that I had had enough of following, quite enough! She did a simple roll-down of the spine, I added arms and curves. When she spent an insane amount of time on some meditating exercise, I did the stretches that I wanted to. And people followed me. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see them struggling, trying to choose between following her lead and mine. I grinned and went on with my way, just enough in her style to make her happy, and just enough in mine to enjoy.

"I can tell you were a theater person once," said a girl in red pants. The teacher said, "I totally caught your energy, and it helped me get to the end of the class!"

My body may not be the most flexible, or the most elegant, or even the most functional. But there's something in me that's a level above it!