I’m selling 2 for $20! That’s such a steal, you should go to prison! I also have a lot of other inventions, such as the Don’t Be Alarmed Clock, Pet Flare Guns, Soap for Soap, Disposable Keys, Bike Toilets, Love Handles, Hot Ice Cream, Stain Mover, Waterless Swimming Pools, I’m Not Crazy Glue, and more!

Looking for some models to do a bikini photoshoot for me. I’m a pretty awesome photographer. Requirements: be hot, D-cup, and be willing to work for free. No nudity, unless it ends up going that way. Shots will look great in both of our portfolios.

If you ladies are looking for a man who shaves his chest, wears scarves, and likes sipping tea while listening to Bon Iver, then I AM not the man for you. My balls are too big to fit through the doors of J Crew, and my bicepts are strong enough to carry anything but your purse. If you’re looking for a real man who kicks major bootie day-in day-out, contact me, and let me bow your frickin’ mind juices.

Hey everyone! I’m Jerry! I’m a nice guy, love kids, am a good neighbor, and love to talk about annuities and insurance. Call me anytime! And I love kids!

Contact Jerry at 1-800-Finance (that’s my work number, just ask for me by name!)

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LOSTT’What? Fire Sword of ArakronT’When? Lost around 9:30, Thursday, March 22, the 2012th year of our Lord.W’Where? My quarters at Hillside Apartments, or Jerry’s PubYe Reward? Verily. $100
If found, contact me at sirryan413@gmail.com