does it have to be romantic?

In the world of online dating, that is exactly what you do. You get online. You date. Obviously.

Not only have I come away from these years of online dating without a boyfriend (not a cry for help) but I find it pretty disappointing that through all of these flighting encounters I’ve not gained any new friends. It seems to be as simple as if I don’t want to date you, I don’t want to know you.

Now, I don’t know about anyone else, but I think that’s fucked up.

WHY, when we meet someone irl, WHY are we already trying to work out if we want to date this person. When Nokia 3310’s were still all the rage and group chats were still mainly things that happened in pubs, my boyfriends weren’t INSTANTLY my boyfriends and I didn’t even think of dating them until we had hung out a bunch of times, maybe lent each other some DVD’s and in all honesty, not until we’d drunkenly shared a sofa and a McDonalds breakfast.

Granted, this was a different era, but it still seems quite sensible to me to spend a good amount of time with someone before deciding what they are, who they are and what role (if any) they’re going to play in your life.

Personally, I’d like to see a change in dating. I’d like to meet someone without the goal being a relationship. I’d like to just see. LETS JUST SEE.

I met a man this week for a coffee date. It went well, I found him charismatic, charming and funny and without wanting to pressure this, I suggested that we should hang out again “even if not in a date way”, as we enjoyed each others company. This is the first time I’ve tried this and genuinely it was a little scary to send. I’m not implying that I don’t like him romantically, I just don’t know yet. He doesn’t know yet. IT’S OKAY NOT TO KNOW YET.

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17 thoughts on “does it have to be romantic?”

I absolutely agree. If there’s any kind of pressure from the guy, they just want a hook up and bolt quickly. No thanks. That said, I got played by a Christian guy who acted like he was looking for an intelligent woman and a relationship for the first 4 dates “to see” and he jumped me on the 5th date for sex. That’s all he was really looking for over 4 months. Never did want to get to know me as a human being. Major user. I don’t think the men want to see anything human in women. They just pretend they do.

I think we all have to be careful not to tarnish a whole gender with things we’ve learnt from individuals, I’m still very much optimistic, probably bordering on naïve, but that’s quite a conscious decision for me, makes it all a little lighter and more hopeful!
I hope your next experience is incredible !!

I don’t think that is necessarily true of all cases. Not only am I not like that and I know people who have dated online who are the same but I’ve also seen women online who are exactly as you describe. So I think it comes in both forms.

I get what you mean but that is the nature of online dating. I’ve had girls get to know me and then not only decide there is someone better for them but that they already have enough friends and aren’t looking for new ones. Some girls even make that clear in their profiles and it is unsurprising that guys are the same!

Totally unsurprising, but unfortunate all the same! I think it’s hard to decide what you think of someone based on a short series of dates and it’s always so nice when something progresses from a friendship.

My husband and I were dance partners, then added “friends” to our relationship status for years before we became romantically involved. Now we are still partners and friends. Just trying to encourage you to stick with your game plan. Oh, and maybe take up ballroom dancing, ha, ha.