More Fun With Tin Futures! Part 1 (of 37)

“You’ve heard of Ethelred the Unready?” Foster said.

“Anglo-Saxon king?” Bernie said. “Got drubbed by the Danes?”

The Danes? Muley and Hoss? I remembered them well, perps with a dusty ranch halfway to nowhere, as Bernie said, who had a nice little truck hijacking business on the side. Muley turned out to be a pretty good shot, which gave us some trouble for a while. Gunfire, ranch, desert: Bernie was in a real good mood after that, said it reminded him of the old west, but that didn’t seem to cheer up Muley and Hoss, tied up and bleeding a bit.

“Yeah,” said Foster, “that’s the guy. I didn’t know about him till Astrid explained. So it’s kind of a … what’s the word?”

“Pun?” said Bernie.

“Yeah, pun. Ethel Ready.”

“Sounds like she picked up an education along the way,” Bernie said.

“Not so much in school, I don’t think,” said Foster. “But she was a great reader. That really bugged Albie.”

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56 Responses to “More Fun With Tin Futures! Part 1 (of 37)”

I wasn't going to say this, but, of course, I have to. Ethelred II (Saxon King 979 – 1016) was known as Ethelred Unraed, which means ill-advised. It was Edmund Ironside (1016 – 1017) who was defeated in the Danish conquest.

Spence is at the top of his game today. Mom started Reality Check yesterday, and is half way through it already. Rainy here, so she will soon be curled up on the sofa, and rejoining Cody on his mission.

All of us are so very interested in tin futures and we can't wait to learn more. Just think, we have 37 more parts to go on our tin futures installments. I will be sobbing with grief when we have finished all 37 parts, knowing that the tin futures story has come to an end.

AbbietheKitty: Your momma didn't raise no dummies! Here I was thinking I should've paid more attention in History class (after all I spent enough time in there, what with all the detentions). Turns out I just need to read romance novels!?

Rio, You didn't respond to my post yesterday about a Baker's Dozen being 13, not 18. Did you miss it, or just not think it was worthy of a reply? Mom is still reading, and I am bored. Yours fondly, Maggie

Rio, I am sooo sorry to have asked about anything so trivial as 13 vs 18. I had no idea you were up to your pug eyeballs in report preperation. Thank you for including me in such a favorable light, even tho you did mention that little chicken feather in my teeth. Great time was had by all, and thanks for the excellent journalism. Maybe Spence should consult with you on the next story line. Wags, MagPie

I don't know, Rio. I think I was in the Siberspace Twlight Zone for a short period of time. When I hit "Submit Comment", Yahoo appeared on my screen. Somewhat scary for a low-tech husky like me. Yahoo is not even a website I go to, so it didn't happen that way.

Great report, Commander Rio, and very accurately transcribed. However, now that I am back into "fighting weight" following my vacation, we do need to plan to see if we can resume the original mission. Fortunately, Spence was probably so giddy after winning the Edgar that he never even noticed that the Paw Detection Security System had been deactivated. Given our rapid departure, there was no time to reactive it. Wooks

Ahem!… Attention everyone… cough!… Although this report is a little late due to technical errors and bad timing… wheeze!… I think it is very important for all of you to be aware of the bravery that has been shown recently by your fellow team members.

Last month the charming Mr. Abrahams was nominated for an Edgar, this meant he had to leave his house and travel to New York City to join in the festivities. He took all his pals with him leaving the house totally empty ….snort!… I thought this would be a great time to launch a training mission for the youngsters in the group and let a few others who expressed interest go along and experience a mission trip firsthand… wheeze!

Here is what happened a few weeks ago during that fateful Edgar week:

The morning of the big trip to Cape Cod, Molly, clipboard in paw was marking off the team members as they boarded the van. The van itself had to be cleaned out entirely after the jaunt across the country. I am still wondering what really happened on that trip…hmmmm.

Jumping in the van like trained athletes, Alice Johnson, lil Lexi, MagPie, Sam, Wolfie and SiberH. Wookie sporting his swamp vest space suit, made sure all the gear was loaded. Molly jumped in last having checked everyone’s names off. Some cars have a new-car smell, but the van had an old-van smell with a tinge of dead rotting fish, and a hint of seal.

Alice Johnson? Yes, she didn’t believe any of these missions really happened, so to prove her wrong I said she could go. Alice agreed to wear sunglasses during the whole time so as not to hypnotize any of the team members. If she took them off and tried to spoil the trip, SiberH had orders to pack her up in a box and mail her home. He is the only one that doesn’t seem to be affected by her hypnotic powers. It might have something to do with his bad memory, but further studies are needed to truly determine this phenomenon.

Melanie handed the keys over to Siber-H who was already in the driver’s seat putting on his mascara. Oops! Bess was barking! Those damned Zebras. Melanie said goodbye and ran into the house.

Alice was sitting in the passenger seat looking very glamorous in her new fur coat and expensive bling. She had on a diamond-studded collar and was wearing a pair of designer sunglasses. SiberH gunned the engine! Alice turned on her I-Pod and thought, ‘Hit It!’ Away they went! Half way down the block the muffler fell off, the van sputtered and jumped, blowing bluish black smoke and now making an awful racket. The van was swerving across lanes because SiberH was still busy getting his Gene Simmons ‘look’ just right.

He saw the squirrel and swerved left he meant to swerve right but forgot which was which. Thump! Oh no. The van pulled over; SiberH put his head down on the steering wheel, smudging his make-up. Wookie got out and peeled the poor dead squirrel off the street. He put it in a cooler, saving it for Dawson so she could practice her skinning skills. They didn’t know for sure, but Molly thought ice should be in there too. Everyone was quiet and Wolfie wondered what squirrel tasted like.

To pass the time Molly started playing cards with Sam, lil Lexi and MagPie. She was winning all of their chew strips very quickly. Lil Lexi was thinking, ‘hey that Mollys.. thats no fair.’ Sam whined and whined very much like a real princess. MagPie snarled, revealing a chicken feather in her teeth. Molly dealt them another hand. Lil Lexi noticed that every now and then a card came off the bottom of the deck. Right then Molly started lecturing lil Lexi on how to act like a grown-up. Lil Lexi was thinking, ‘what the.. what hells up with that?’

Wolfie was pacing around the van, skidding and sliding on the slick floor. Seal oil. His butt was wiggling and his tail slapped Alice Johnson in the face almost knocking her sunglasses off causing her to drop the I-Pod. This enraged her and she grabbed his tail and sunk her sharp teeth into it. YELP! Just then SiberH hit a large pothole sending Wolfie flying backwards into the card game.

Chew strips and cards went all over the place. Molly was not happy at all, but the others jumped on the opportunity to get their chew strips back. A trick Commander Rio had taught them! Poor Wolfie crawled into a space behind the driver’s seat. Seeing a piece of dried up old seal meat he licked it up. Rancid! He spit it out and it zinged Alice’s ear causing her fur coat and tail to flare out! Two red dots were glowing behind her sunglasses.

Wookie started singing “On the Road Again” and quickly stopped when he noticed everyone glaring at him. During one pit stop they were delayed for an hour waiting for Wolfie to come back to the van. Right after they all voted to leave without him, Wolfie showed up with a tennis ball in his mouth. SiberH knew it was one of the toxic ones, but didn’t mention it.

Finally arriving on the Quinn grounds, Wookie hopped out of the van to quickly disable the Paw Detection Security System. Oh no! He was shocked to find that it had been completely rewired by professionals! He would have to break out his books and tools to try and figure it out all over again.

In the van Wolfie was getting impatient and desperately wanted to leave. He kept stepping on lil Lexi, and she cried out thinking, ‘damned you butt Wolfie!’ Molly could not take it any longer and without thinking, she let Wolfie out of the van. He was off like a blur! Luckily Wookie had just managed to disable the security system before Wolfie ran onto the perimeter. Whew! That was a very close call even by ‘00’Wookie standards.

The sun had just gone down and the moon was beginning to rise. As a precaution, they parked the van away from the house and out of sight. Just as Molly was stepping out of the van, Wookie motioned for her to ‘Stop!’ A slight movement at the back of the house just near Audrey’s doggie door had caught his sharp eyes. There! There it was again and this time they all saw what Wookie saw. Two men dressed entirely in black clothing with black ski masks pulled over their heads and faces. It was obvious they were looking for a way into the house.

Burglars! Wookie knew they had to stop the burglars from breaking in and robbing Spencer Quinn and Company. No one was allowed to break into this house illegally except for us guys! And besides, Wookie felt somewhat responsible for allowing the burglars to even get near the house by disabling all the of the security systems. Oops!

Molly immediately ran back to the control panel and tried to reach Commander Rio to let him know what was going down. But he was busy watching baseball with Bess. He had a twelve pack in the cooler and his cell phone turned off. Grrrrr!

The men in black were peering into the first floor windows. Spotting a Sheppard mix lying on the living room couch chewing on something, they decided to go back to the truck for the tall ladder. Wolfie stopped chewing. He saw the guys with ski masks looking at him through the glass. He got off the couch and watched them carry a very big ladder to the back of the house. He knew something was afoot!

Spotting the ladder, Alice pulled Wookie aside and told him she had decided to take charge of this mission. Wookie made it clear they would ‘Work together as a team!’ Her temper flared but she knew she could not do it alone. She agreed with Wookie and they came up with a viable plan of attack against the burglars. Alice informed the team and then led them quickly and quietly down to the north side of the house.

Wookie spread lil Lexi’s blanket out flat on the ground. SiberH stood on one side of it and Wookie on the other. Alice tip toed onto the blanket and then rolled over on her back with her paws straight up in the air. Wookie and SiberH each grabbed an edge of the blanket in their strong jaws. One…Two… Three! With a great heave, they flipped Alice way up into the air. She did a double flip and landed feet first on the roof! Wow!

The team split into two teams. Wookie and lil Lexi positioned themselves at the north back corner while Sam, MagPie and SiberH went round to the south back corner. Alice started sneaking slowly and carefully down the steep back part of the roof, her claws digging into the shingles.

One guy was holding the ladder while the other one had climbed up to the second floor window and was using a glasscutter. Wookie and lil Lexi jumped around the corner and started barking. WOOF, yip, WOOF, yip, WOOF, yip! The guy holding the ladder was completely startled. He recovered, but being very pissed off, he ran towards them, trying to chase them off.

MagPie, Sam and SiberH jumped out from the other side corner and started barking too! Bark, whine, —-, Bark, whine, —-, Bark, whine, —-. The guy didn’t know which way to go because there were so many dogs all barking at once, sort of. The guy on the ladder was looking down in horror at the commotion and said, “Shut those dogs up for Gods sake!”

Alice had just reached the edge of the roof. She adjusted her sunglasses, took a deep breath, and leaped off the roof. She landed on the ladder guy’s head, claws stretched to their full extent. Horrified, he screamed and let loose his grip on the ladder grabbing madly at Alice’s tail. This made her furious! She sank her claws even deeper into his skull. She felt the ladder falling backwards and hung on for dear life. Wookie and SiberH saw Alice, the ladder, and the burglar coming down. They grabbed opposite sides of lil Lexi’s blanket. Together they held up the outstretched blanket while saying a quick prayer.

From inside the house, Wolfie was watching as the man in black was trying to get away from lil Lexi, Sam and MagPie who were barking, yipping and whining, while they were taking turns nipping his ankles. Another skill they had learned from Commander Rio!

Alice let loose of the skull head just before it slammed into the ground. She flew through the air did a double flip and landed right on the outstretched blanket. Wow! The guy on the ladder didn’t fair so well. The ladder was on top of him and his head was bleeding through the ski mask.

Wolfie, seeing the guy in black stumbling backwards towards the fallen ladder, shot out of the doggie door like a blur! He leaped and hit the guy right in the chest with his front paws, knocking the air out of him and flinging him backwards. He landed on top of his partner with a thud. MagPie was right on top of him with her paw on his neck cutting off most of his air. Lil Lexi, Sam and Wolfie each had a mouthful of his pant leg. The guy in black lay there afraid to move gasping.

SiberH ran as fast as he could to the van where Molly was still trying to reach Commander Rio. He motioned for her to call the cops. She tapped into the Quinn landline and dialed 911. When someone answered she screamed as if someone had just stolen all her toys. Hopefully help would be on the way very quickly!

Wookie helped MagPie hold down the burglar. He told the rest of them to get back to the van. Once the cops arrived, they both dashed back to the van. SiberH already had the motor running when they jumped in. Everyone was very happy, high pawing it and congratulating each other on a job well done! The van pulled out onto the street and started the long journey home. Alice turned on her I-Pod and listened to ‘Kat Scratch Fever’ as she licked the blood off her claws.

Wookie! … I don’t think you ever reactivated the security system after any of the missions….snort!… I am sure they did not notice it being off when they all got home from NYC… grunt!… This was just a “training mission” for the youngsters, not the full-blown over-the-top Mission Impossible kind we usually do… wheeze! …Also it was meant to be a an introductory trip for new guys like Alice and Wolfie….geeze!… What more can you ask of them? … cough!… Maybe the report writing should be handed off to YOU! … heh!

Hmmphf!…. The Rockies have been Rained Out… sniff!… So I can mope around here even longer and longer tonight ….grump!

Wolfie!… You seem obsessed with what the “original” mission plan was …snuff!… as does Wookie for that matter … grunt!… It should be ‘totally apparent’ to you what the plan was… grump!…So my lips are sealed for now… grumble.

OMG!… I just saw a horrifying preview for “Marmaduke”… gag!… Stupid talking dog with stupid talking kats… snort!… It looks like a really very stupid movie … sigh…I hope Chet doesn’t come off that way… cough!… I could tell him a thing or two about feeling stupid tonight…grunt!

And yesterday, I had to go to sleep early, and I just read the comments from yesterday, and somebody said that I was a Maltese or something. I am a Pek-a-lier, a King Charles Spaniel mixed with a Pekignese. I remember this because, one time, Megan brought her friend over. Her friend was all like, "That a King Charles?" And Megan was like, "No, but a King Charles mixed with a Pekignese. A Pek-a-lier. Or, a POKE-a-lier." Then she started poking me like nuts until I bit her stupid finger. She called me a dumb dog. And she was poking me like mad. I'M the dumb one?

Anyways, I saw that preview for the movie Maramaduke, too. It was funny! It made me want a porsche to stick my head out of! That's if, I don't get blown away from the wind first. You know where I'm coming from, don't you, Sam? Blown away like one of 'em flying squirrels. Those…freaky things…

Lexi, I think I said that I THOUGHT you were a maltese! Which I am glad to hear that you are not! Because I am not a big fan of those little white dogs. (Although I was willing to make an exception for you!) Is there a picture of you somewhere? I forget.

Just so everyone knows…sniff!…This was a real “training mission”. I am going to tell you all something I should keep to myself…snort!… This in no way reflects on the actions of the characters involved on that Edgar mission… wheeze!… They had no reason to believe it was not a real mission for goodness sakes! … grunt!

Training!… Usually implies a ‘set-up’ situation to be dealt with by trainees …snort!… The fact is I hired those two guys to pretend they were breaking into Spencer’s house! … grunt!… Just to give the new team members some action and hopefully excitement on their first mission… growl! … That’s why I had my cell phone turned off and left you all on your own… grumble…Some of you really hurt those poor actors (Alice!) and now Admin will have to pay dearly for their medical bills …snicker!… Unwittingly of course… heh!… I am very good at hiding accounting type stuff!

Cripes!… No more training missions! …snort!… It’s all or nothing from here on out! … grunt!… and Wookie will be writing it. Heh.

Stover!… is just being polite… mmmm.. Thank you my dear friend.

Sigh… I am going to bed now and never getting up again…Good night!… ‘accurate story’ my Ass!…mmmphf!

Yikes! That was an exciting training mission – many new skills put into practice and first time jitters conquered. Everyone performed admirably and I'm grateful that in all the excitement that squirrel went missing because I've lived up North for 18 years without succumbing to skinning a squirrel and I'd like to make it to 20.

AliceJ. Did you forget everything you learned in the Anger Management and non-violence for felines courses you took?

Wolfie: Sam is a Maltese. Lexi's picture is in Chet's friends. I don't think her name is there but she has one of the Little Detective Agency cards around her neck.

Sam….mhrphmh….that was the sound of me putting my paw in my mouth. While it's true that I am not a big fan of maltesies, I am a big fan of everyone here! And you see, you are a something that can be identified. I am a whatever it is I am. Even the vet cannot figure me out. So I have an identity issue and experience slight envy towards identifiable dogs.

You know, if we had our pictures by our name and would not be so confused. Has anyone suggested this to admin? I forget.

I will send you a whole bag of chicken jerky treats (the big bag, from Costco, like mom gets) as an apology. Will that help?

Sigh.

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