Tuesday, November 30, 2004

Have you ever noticed that the rhetoric of conservatives is invariably abusive toward those they disagree with but if you give it back to them they whine like girls with bad cramps?
"Ohhhhhhhhhhh! You hurt me! You critisized me and attacked my sacred beliefs! Wah! Wah! Wah!" Then they unleash another load of viscious, twisted, unreasoning blatherings that make no sense to anyone but themselves.
But there is hope. They are invariably so lead-witted when it comes to satirizing them that it will be right in front of their noses-- right in their face-- and they won't see it. So, those of you with a liberal bent who are considering leaving the country,please, before you go try cleverly but gently mocking a conservative right to their face and observe their confusion or outright total misunderstanding of what you are really getting at. You will gradually come to understand that you can make the utmost mockery of them to their face and you'll watch with utter astonishment as they unsuccessfully try to cope with your superior wit.
I must here leave an important exception to this rule. IF YOU ARE A POLITICALLY CORRECT MALE OR FEMALE DO NOT ATTEMPT THE ABOVE!!!!! You are operating on the same wavelength as the conservative and your hamhanded efforts will result in only more acrimony. Best to leave it to those of us whose adoring friends and relatives prefer our company to even the best of Seinfeld re-runs. We've got the chops to get the job done cleanly and with no broken conservative hearts.