Okay so I grew up in a church that discouraged any form of dating or romantic relationship. Yes, I am a Christian and I used to be the Zombie type of Christian. For those who do not follow me, I think I might have to explain what this means again. A zombie Christian as I call them are Christians that follow everything the pastor says or the Christian family says without finding out truth for themselves. Well, I have been a Christian Zombie all my life! When did this stop? Well, that’s for another blog post. You’d be surprised!

So yes, I really liked this girl back in School. Unknowingly, most guys were into this SAME girl. I am beginning to think she had some voodoo fish going on! Looking back, I stood no chance!

Coming from a church and a Christian group that constantly told me it was wrong to date or be in a romantic relationship till you were like 30 and ready to marry, I thought what I felt was demonic. I felt it was a feeling that had to be killed and not from God.

I fasted against that emotion because I didn’t want to be in a relationship; thinking it will DEFINITELY lead me to fornication. Yes, I used to fast whenever I felt bad or sinful. I fasted and prayed whenever I felt I had done something against God in ANYWAY!

You can just imagine the fast I went through after seeing porn for the first time. Those who follow my blog definitely know about the story of seeing porn for the first time. Gawd, it was terrible! I used to fast for EVERYTHING I felt bad about. And yes, falling in love was one of those things I fasted against. Did it work?

Hmmm that is one story for another very long blog post. You can imagine what I was going through, getting to see her every day in school. Constantly feeling like I was dirtying myself for having these ‘unholy’ thoughts. She’d smile, talk to me and I’d be a mess. A whole big mess between the feeling of being drawn to her and the horrible feeling for having those feelings; I must confess that even though some of it was lustful, I couldn’t talk to other Christian brothers about it. What I didn’t know was that at that time, most of these Christian brothers I thought were angelic had passed 200th base with girls and here I was, struggling alone and afraid of being judged.

That was such a dangerous and lonely place to be. A place, unfortunately many very TRUE Christian brothers are today. It breaks my heart whenever I have that thought. That’s why I formed Kadosh; a Christian group in my Church for young people to discuss their challenges; challenges they feel the church will not address and oh it was such a journey listening to cries and struggles of these young people in a church that won’t listen to them. Being that shoulder for them to cry on was a blessing…such an experience.. Also, a story for another blog post. Just remind me about that one.

I remember my very first wet dream oh my God! HAHAHAHA. I felt like I had committed murder! I felt so TERRIBLE. I didn’t know what was happening. I was just a mess because I thought I was above being human and I knew very little about human sexuality and its expressiveness. I was stuck in guilt for things that were absolutely natural because I fully trusted my limited source of knowledge to be all I needed.

Looking back on how I used to lock myself up in my brother’s room in fasting and prayers because of things that were just natural makes me laugh so hard and at some point, makes me a little angry. I preferred my brother’s room for fasting because he had all these preaching tapes…and loads of romantic movies as well. HAHAHAHA. Yes, so I loved to watch…No….The preaching tapes…pray the whole day….desperately wanting to get closer to God so that I can be supernatural.

It is okay to give direction to young people, Christian or not on how to lead good lives; pure, right and healthy lives but withholding truth from them isn’t the way to do it either. We need to tell young people everything they need to know, that is when and ONLY when we can give them direction. This is what I call sexual empowerment that gives young people authority over their sex lives. That is only when I can be rest assured that young people are safe in Churches, that young people are safe in Africa and I can be truly free and happy in this beautiful world God has made.

Please share this to help that young person out there. All it takes to make that difference is a click of a button.

I wanted to explain to my followers on instagram the reason why I blog but you know instagram’s limits on videos so here you go. I tried to shorten the video but it took less than 3 mins. Well, that just about covers my reason for blogging(in the shortest way possible)

Posted this on my Instagram page which reminded me of a girl back in Primary School- Grade 2; she was teased and bullied all the time. She was obese and suffered Down Syndrome, back then we didn’t even know what that was and thinking back, it seemed our teachers did not know either. Her name was Jennifer but due to her size, her name was changed to “Fat Jennifer” which in our local dialect, a ridiculing term for fat people is ‘obolo’ so we called her ‘Jennifer Obolo’.

I get infuriated now when I think about how the teachers used to treat her and did not do anything about the incessant bully and tease from her peers. You’d think that the teachers should have known better but no! they were absolutely ignorant and added to her plight. She was beaten whenever she had low scores in her assignments and tests. It was obvious how unhappy Jennifer was in the school but for some reason, her family who probably was ignorant as well dumped her in the boarding house like some trash that didn’t matter.

A song she often sang that we used to sing along as we followed her everywhere, laughing at her; the song was in her local dialect which went like, “Ateco, Ateco. I will go home, I will go home. I won’t come again. I won’t come again” She repeated that over and over and sometimes danced to the tune. It was obvious how unhappy she was in the school and still baffles me why nothing was done.

Peers in school can be so cruel and sometimes it baffles me why nothing is done about issues such as these. No education is done about the detrimental effects that bullying and teasing has on many children even many years after when they become adults. You cannot begin to imagine what being mistreated by your peers and sometimes teachers and those older could do to a human being for the rest of his life.

I can never emphasize enough the need to educate people on mental illnesses or conditions. Teach our young ones to be kind and loving especially towards those who seem to be different from them. Because I truly believe that loving someone who is the same as you is not as strong demonstration of love as loving someone who is seems very different from you!

Lets learn to love. If you agree with me please share this to someone special to you! Let’s try to make this world a better place with one deed at a time. The first one could be to click a share button. Peace to the world!

I have never drunk nor been to a pub or club. Never been to a wild party, never had a sleep over or anything ‘exciting’ as you’d think. ‘Exciting’ is relative though. For a lot of people who follow me, friends and family, they’d say the only reason why I don’t do a lot of these things is because of my faith. I don’t think that it is entirely true.

Yes, growing up in a Christian home, a lot of things were not encouraged; listening to secular music, drinking alcoholic beverages(not even a sip), going to wild parties, clubs, having sexual relations before marriage and many other things were deemed unrighteous.

In the first year of University, almost every other weekend, my best friend went to a club. The weird thing was, it never occurred to me that I could go with him neither did he ask me. Now when I think about it, I wonder why he never asked me and why I never thought about it as a possibility. I need to ask him though. “Bro, you need to send me a message ASAP explaining why.” in a commando voice.

The truth is, my faith definitely played a role since that was how I was brought up. But it gets to a point where these things become part of you without putting in any effort or thought to it. It becomes YOU.

So what point am I trying to make with this post?

People have different lifestyles and beliefs in this world. People drink, smoke, tattoo, pierce, atheists. Muslims, prostitution, club,gay, Christian, Hindu, fornicate, Gothic and many others. But the reason why people especially Christians, other religious bodies and most Africans are judgmental and hateful is that people refuse to realize that it is what they KNOW just as what we believe is what we KNOW. I believe the ONLY difference between myself and the Hindu and the one that does not believe in God or the other person that sees a one night stand as a norm is EXPERIENCE. If I were born where they were born, saw things they saw, heard things they heard, I’d have probably been just like them.

If I were abused growing up; verbally or physically, I’d have probably been a drug addict too.. If I lost my only child praying to a God I barely understood or knew, I could have been an atheist too. If I were poor and hooked on drugs, I would have probably been a Gigolo too. When people begin to realize that our experiences is ALL that makes us different, people will be less judgmental and that would create a space where we are less defensive or offensive. Do you know what that would do? It will create an amazing world where we can be heard no matter whom we are. A world where people can be open enough to listen to truth and actually consider it without feeling attacked, hurt or broken. A world devoid of hypocrisy. A world of LOVE is what Christ desired…the only one true weapon that can make the world a better place.

I am no different from that fornicator, robber or Hindu…the only difference is my experience. We all have to know that and love each other in appreciation. Peace🙏!!

Okay so I am not one of those that will say that it is HARDWORK and that I work out everyday blablablablurr. But there are questions I get very often that I am just going to answer so that I don’t get asked again…..hopefully.
Lets get rolling shall we?

“I am really skinny, it seems impossible to gain a muscle. How do I do it”?

I light up at this question because when I get this question, apart from those that knew me from how skinny I was or still am(i always see myself as skinny though), they think of me as not skinny. Till I share with them a post where I spoke about how skinny I was which you can find here. Then they get excited! The workout routine for skinny guys is WAY WAY different from others. You need to observe your fallow periods, sleep, diet etc. I will soon share this information on many blog posts to come.

“Do I use supplements?”

It’s hard to say I don’t take supplements when people think of me as an expert at this. Well, I am not an expert at all…just sharing my experience and what works for me. Embarrassingly, I don’t take supplements. I tried supplements when I started off about 2 years ago. I bought a medium size protein shake, got on amino acids but my brothers laughed at my progress. They were too expensive too so after that one round purchase I didn’t get another. Sorry to disappoint but I don’t till this day. Will you sponsor me on some shakes?! LOL

“How and when do I train?”

For those who have been following me a while know how much I hate the gym. I hardly go to the gym. The last time I went to the gym, the place was so hot that I nearly passed out. Like literally guys…I talked more about the reasons why I hate the gym in a blog post here. Please don’t laugh when you read it because I was dead serious. I train at home but not everyday because of my body type which is also good for me; I am freaking lazy when it comes to working out. So I always observe my ‘fallow periods’ very well. i do loads of pushups (inclined & declined) chin ups and many others which I will start sharing on here petite petite.

“How’s my diet like?”

Experts will say that for very skinny guys with high metabolism, I should eat from 5-6 meals a day but that is TOUGH. I try but I do so well sometimes to make it 3 times a day. Usually, I am so busy doing other stuff that I eat only twice a day which isn’t good at all but happens on a very usual note. So I try to stick to the eating plans and various selections and preferences in diet which has been absolutely helpful too. The only dish I do so well is fried eggs FULL STOP because I LOVE THEM and It is also good for my BODY. I do beans too and waakye…LOVE IT. LOADS of PROTEIN in there as well. Chicken and pork too. Well, I try to stick to the guide plan which I will soon share on here this month. Been so helpful too.

I think that’s all for the usual questions I get. If I didn’t cover everything, you can post your questions down below to be addressed. You can either use the Facebook comment section or the other down beneath it and I will get back to you, Cherio, guys!

Were you part of the scripture union in High School or you were one of those that those of the scripture union as a bunch of weirdos and social misfits? Well, no matter whom you are, this is gonna be lit! Truth! Truth! Truth!

There are many funny and happy moments I can recall from the scripture union. Apart from the general happy moments like the rallies and the….rallies.

Fasting

When they declare a fast and you know in your heart of hearts that you won’t do it but have to develop a Pharisee fasting strategy. Walking around like you’re weak like every member of the scripture union whilst you’ve made sure you are heavily satisfied before school. Skipping dining for the canteen and meeting your fellow Pharisee faster eating like crazy!

S.U people are really different oo. We do everything in pride and dignity! It is expected that you’d bump fists and Pharisee fast together but you will still maintain a serious face as if you are angry at each other and eat with a frown on deterring the other from daring to talk about it. Those were hilarious moments at least for the Pharisee fasters!

‘Always leave one eye open’ people

There are people that always leave one eye open at meetings; some for fear of the screaming and yelling that happens and others just to look out for his own safety just in case someone slaps him when he gets possessed by some spirit. Or to see if the fine girl he is after is a witch!

Holy Spirit Stopper

I never knew the holyspirit could be stopped so fast and those being ‘delivered’ and on the floor could also rise that quickly till Mr.Ampiaw( a well feared teacher) walks into a meeting and stops it. I was shocked the first day it happened. The holyspirit ceased immediately! Those screaming stopped…those rolling on the floor quickly stood up! What a wow! I was amazed!

There were personal unforgettable moments too.

I am with you in spirit.

I can never forget the times where the Scripture Union President whom we deemed as most spiritual than we were used to use that same spirituality to deceive us only when it’s time for dawn prayers. He will usually tell us to wake up at dawn so that we all pray together but usually when he is tired and deep in sleep, he’d just turn and tell us in a sleepy voice,” Go! I am with you in spirit” He expects us to believe him and leave him in peace! Why are you Jesus?!

“Evans in trouble”

I remember like yesterday when a friend who was not part of the leadership team of scripture union made a mistake to join one of our meetings. Usually people stayed away from those. For whatever reason, he joined on that day and that was a mistake of his life. That day we had tough ‘deliverance’ going on. This uninvited friend was caught up in the middle of it when the ‘demon’ started to talk to him. You could see terror in his eyes as he prayed harder than I had ever seen him pray before. An image I could not stop laughing at was the moment where the room turned boiling hot and it was obvious he wanted to leave but couldn’t because it was really late and leaving that place to his room alone was obviously a horrific thought. He removed his singlet squeezed the sweat out of it and continued praying not because he wanted to but because he feared if he didn’t pray as hard. Oh my God…that was funny!

“Spit in his mouth”

My best friend was just about joining the leadership team so there were some types of prayers that needed to be said. And one of them was to get the gift of the holy spirit in tongues speaking. He did not believe so much in tongue speaking at the time but I remember him feeling obliged to speak it. I was at the meeting when after teachings on tongue speaking they begun to say a prayer for those who weren’t speaking in tongues. It was done in the dormitory by our junior. Some annoying boy bi. He was so boisterous and energized about the whole thing than anyone at the meeting. He kept telling him, “Open your mouth and speak!” He then held my friend’s chin and started to yell, “Open your mouth and speak!” Just when my friend decided to say something so that he will let him go, his junior’s continuous yelling deposited a thick sputum into his mouth! My friend quickly closed his mouth and never tried to speak a word again. I bet he would smacked the tongues out of this junior if we weren’t at a Scripture union meeting.

Witches & Wizard Rumors

Most people loved it when I spoke to them about God and the importance of joining Scripture union till they actually get there. They were often scared whenever the screaming and the falling started. “What was that?” they’d often ask. “Were they witches and wizards?” was one question that sent me sprawling in laughter all the time. They come out thinking so, “Kofi, my sitting partner is a wizard and I didn’t know” “Eiii there are witches in this school papa!” No matter the explanation you give them, they hardly break away from the thought that they are witches and wizards. To them, every scream is an indication of witches and wizards like in the movies. I am sure a reader is still thinking, but they were witches? HAHAHAHAHAHA. Love you!

Please share this and give an old scripture union or a non-scripture union member a laugh. Let me know if you could relate with any of those. Would like to read your experiences and funny moments too. You can either use the facebook comment section below or the one furthest beneath if you don’t want to use that option to let me know. Peace out!

When I am looking at someone else, you should look uncomfortable. That’s beautiful… When I touch someone else like you’d want to be touched, hit my chest and make sobbing sounds.That’s hot! When someone is taking all my attention, be angry and walk out of the event and let me run after you. So arousing…When someone is trying to grind on me at a party pull me aside like I belong to you. Shiee wow. When someone keeps sending me text messages and calls me at odd hours inquire and throw tantrums about it. And when you do the things I have mentioned, enjoy it while I do the same.

Ha! That is crazy! I am just kidding….well…just a little. That is what the soap operas or telenovellas and the romantic movies will do to you. But on a more serious note, there is something sexy about your partner being a little jealous…mind the emphasis; A LITTLE JEALOUS.

How so unattractive and weird if your partner is not in any way jealous when it comes to you. When someone else is grinding up on you at a party, trying to consistently take your attention from your partner, touching you inappropriately or you doing some touching…and all your partner does is just be NORMAL. Ha! That is totally weird. Try them intentionally and your partner might find you someone to continue doing them with. What would you think about your partner who is like this? Confident or just someone who simply isn’t that into you.

I don’t know what you think about a partner whose response to, “I am so sorry. I drank too much last night and cheated…” is, ”Okay, did you use protection?” Obviously, to this person, as long as you are still here, there will still be sex and there will still be a ‘relationship’.

I am not disrespecting open relationships as they call it, but what the F%&K is that though? Is that even a relationship? That is like being single, if you ask me. I placed this question in my stories on instagram and Oh my God the answers that I had about jealousy! You can follow me on instagram @awesomerichy or click here.

I was told that biologically, monogamy is not natural and that jealousy is an idea that creates dependency. But well, if it isn’t monogamy and you have no aorta of jealousy when it comes to me, I am definitely seeing that as a RED flag. Even God says with confidence…without apology that he is a jealous God. And I am sorry if I get jealous just a little bit sometimes because I love you but I was created in the image of God and I ought to display some traits of God. If you are dating a lady who is not in any way jealous or a guy who says he is too confident that he has no aorta of jealousy, then that could be a RED flag too. Quit that RELATIONSHIP NOW! Why, are they better than God?

Being a little jealous is okay-it’s natural but jealousy can also be very dangerous. Staying with a controlling partner who is extremely jealous could be VERY DANGEROUS too. Don’t spend a day in a relationship where your partner can be abusive and controlling because of jealousy. When you become scared and afraid to make your partner jealous, it is no relationship to be in. So please don’t get it twisted either. Be safe in love!

If you are reading this, you must be darn beautiful. How do I know? Because I advised that it is shared to beautiful women. It is not possible that you are not, once you are reading this. Absolutely impossible!

This is absolutely helpful advice for all ladies but my emphasis is made on Christian ladies because they will definitely not get this advice from church. Church gives a lot of advice on how to attract and keep a man; this is absolutely irrelevant when your DREAM man or the RIGHT man is not even in the picture to start with. The church places a lot of pressure on single women to get married but hardly does much to create required avenues to meet the Right man. It is okay if you are happy being single but if you are not and you agree with most of these statements I just made, and then this post is for you.

I am not going to talk about how to keep a man or attract a man because I believe you’ve learnt enough of that at relationship seminars in church etc. This post emphasizes on Christian ladies because they tend to be depressed about their singlehood because of pressures from the church and also limit their opportunities in finding the right man because of church. They need to realize that the right man will not be dropped from heaven to them because they are praying hard; they first of all need to be found. The bible says that he that finds a wife finds a good thing. So you need to put yourself out there for you to be found.

In this post, I am going to give you an alternative you probably never considered because of church and delve into the HOW’s as a Christian woman; the use of technology (internet). Online dating such as the use of dating apps and social media has become such a taboo thing among Christians. But before you click away, pause and read what I have to say. It might change your life!

I understand your fear and discomfort about using dating apps. Some of the worries of Christian ladies in using dating apps to find their partners are among these; when they are seen on dating apps, they may seem desperate and promiscuous, they find it embarrassing, it is not a Christian thing to do etc. These are but a few reasons that seem plausible for some Christians. There are many others that even think of it as sin. Can you believe that?

God in his own wisdom as a creator has given human beings the ability to create and this ability which is in the image of God has been used to create these wonderful apps for dating. Guess what? I totally understand the pressures and the discomfort and this post is going to underline very easy and simple ways to find your dream man effortlessly without a dating app without the baggage you worry about.

The use of social media!

In 2019, it is estimated that there will be around 2.77 billion social media users around the globe, up from 2.46 billion in 2017. Out of these numbers, more than half of them are single and many more of them interact each second. Many marriages were made possible through social media. Social media is a preferred choice for finding your desired partner especially for Christian women because it is very normal to have a social media account now, it doesn’t look like you are coming on too strong, neither does it feel that way, it is very usual, easy and quick.

How to use social media to find the man!

There are many social media platforms available that you can use. However, Instagram and Facebook is always recommended. They are recommended because of their graphic quality since it is an important factor to see your potential spouse or suitor in pictures and videos. Don’t say, I am Christian; I don’t like taking pictures and being public ‘blablabla’. You must like it! You have to like it! That is if you want him to find you. It is a big world with limitless possibilities and people, thanks to social media. It is hard work to find the right man and to keep him. So if you want to be hooked, be prepared for the hard work.

As a digital marketer and social commentator for years, I am darn sure how to get this done and I can assure you that if you practice what I am going to show you in the next post, you will have your dream man on your arm in a few months walking down the aisle. Don’t let anybody deceive you into believing that there is something wrong with you. If you are not rude, poor hygiene, talkative or do anything that will put off a man, then these tips I will show you in the next post will do the miracle God has been sending your way all this while you’ve prayed. There is no demon fighting you, you just need to put yourself out there for him to find you because trust me, God won’t parcel him up and mail him to your address.

I will carefully put down features and tips on how to use these dating apps in ways you didn’t know possible. Subscribe to stay updated. You can follow me on facebook, instagram or twitter too. Share this to every BEAUTIFUL lady you know. Once she is beautiful, she should read this too.

Growing up a Christian who loves the Lord and in a society that is very religious, I have come to realize that religion is destroying the sex lives of a lot of young people today. As a youth leader in christian circles, I have heard shocking stories I believe I may have never heard from an unbeliever. The sexual prowess of many christian men and women are limited in our day. Statistically, abortions and teenage pregnancies are estimated to be on the increase among Christians. The spread of STI’s especially HIV/AIDS has also found a stronghold in the church. Religions such as Islam where early marriages and polygamy is encouraged in some parts, the rates are increasing as well. These are realities many religious bodies do not want to face or admit( another reason for these problems in the first place) but they need to be addressed. The biggest problem with Religion(Christians) is the problem of IMAGE.

N.B When I say church in this article, I don’t mean every church or a particular church; I just mean the body of Christ in a generic context.

Reasons

There may be many reasons for this reality among religious circles but as a Christian, I can only address this from my perspective. Many Christians seem to be more interested in keeping a holy image than actually being holy. Therefore, the church tries to stay as far away as possible from treating sexual related issues with young people in the church. When they do, all they say are the “DON’Ts“, you hardly hear “THE HOW’s“. When the church finally decides to speak to girls about their sexual health, a typical line you hear is, “Girls don’t let the boys touch you”

What does ‘touch’ even mean? When boys are blessed enough to be taught the how, they are taught, “If you feel like having sex, take a cold shower.” Oh but really? If a teenage boy had to take a cold shower every time he felt like having sex, it is either Pneumonia kills him quickly or the water in his country will run out.

The church is so afraid to empower her young people on their sexual health; a job schools have stopped doing because of the same influence of religious bodies. I share a story in this post about how ignorant I was about MASTURBATION in this post here.

The church is so bent on keeping the IMAGE more than the LIVES of young people. There is a thing that one church auntie always says that I find truth in, “Most of the church girls that get pregnant are the good ones.” These girls are usually the church mice who will not listen to SECULAR advice on how to lead her sex life,(contraceptives, after pills, STI prevention pills etc) She totally depends on the church who in turn fails her. Fails to give her practical truths on how to lead and have control of her sex life. Pastors who were able to remain virgins till they got married, usually keep silent about how they did it because they are concerned about IMAGE. Those that couldn’t remain virgins refuse to share their failures and triumph because of IMAGE. Some time ago, until a very popular man of God spoke about having oral sex, a lot of men of God taught it was demonic because nobody spoke about it. Until other men of God became vocal about having sex with their wives spontaneously even before church services and after, many church people taught it was satanic. Sex life for them was planned and boring.

Effects

You find a lot of young people in church today, having sexual relations and sometimes even with each other in the church. Guess what? They are usually the most active and loved in the church because they have learnt so well how to cover up their deeds and appear righteous. Now the best tactic used by them is JUDGEMENT. They talk down at others who appear to be unholy without the long skirts, and the talents they have. This makes them appear holy and better than the rest while in actual sense is just a cover up tactic.

A christian sister may trust and sleep with a christian brother thinking we are both Christians from the church and we can’t have any STIs; a mirage the church leads them to believe because we don’t talk about it or deal with it. You find boys and girls in church having children before they are ready because they were concerned about their image so much that they relied on the church without learning for themselves how to stay sexually healthy; a burden a young person shouldn’t have to deal with alone. And oh the abortions are really high because of the same problem with IMAGE; ‘nobody has to find out syndrome’.

The church then fails these young people and when they get pregnant, abort or contract an S.T.I, guess who the church blames? The young ones whom they failed. They are punished and ostracized like they are Lucifer himself which encourages the other young people in the church to continue the horrible cycle of pretense and hypocrisy.

Solutions

One very common trend I am seeing is the life of Pharisees, a lifestyle Christ hated as depicted in the bible. Hypocrisy being the bane of the church today was something Jesus Christ himself dreaded. Where young people cannot be themselves and share their weaknesses and struggles expecting to be helped instead of typical Christian advice lines like, “Be lead, brother!”

The church should take up the responsibility of letting young people know the details they have to know about sex because parents and schools are failing because of the IMAGE problem the church has planted in the society and it is therefore the responsibility of the church to fix the problem.

Let’s do away with the pretense and face the reality that the church is not full of perfect people or angels but it is full of people with weaknesses and flaws.

We don’t always need to pray the Satan away because sometimes, Satan is our penises and vaginas. Teach us how to use them, teach us how to keep them, teach us how to protect them. We rely on you, please don”t fail us.

Please share this to your church leaders, parents, guardian, church groups. The church needs to wake up to protect our young people.

It is important to empower young people with information relating with their sex lives and give them direction based on CHOICE.

I received a Facebook message from a guy who had read my book; “The Boy Behind The Door”. For the sake of anonymity, let’s call him Stephen. The most important thing you need to know about Stephen is that, he suggested the title to my book, “The Boy Behind The Door”. Oh yes, he did! He made the suggestion when I posted a solicitation of ideas concerning the title of the book on a group called, “Autistic dads” The title just hit me when I saw it. Sharing what inspired the title made the title come to life so much more. He said, “I suggest the title Boy Behind The Door because I watch my autistic son and I see him as the boy behind the door. A lot of boys his age do not like playing with him. So he has gotten used to that. He hardly draws close to them while they play. He’d always stick by my side and while they played outside, he’d always stay behind the door at home.” That was very real…a few months after the release of the book, I received a message.

“Hi Richard. I can see a lot of resemblance of your story to my life. I had never shared this with anyone but I want to share it with you. I was sexually abused by an uncle for 5 years of my life. I was scared and unable to tell anyone about my abuse. I kept it a secret and that secret has been killing me for years even now that I am old. I struggle with coming in terms with it but now I think I am finally ready to get some closure about what he did to me. At family gatherings, I see him and almost all the time, I am filled with the urge to ask him why he did what he did but I can’t. I just think receiving closure is the only way out of this pain and burden that I carry around everyday.”

I then share with him what I have been doing in the area of male sexual abuse and creating awareness and giving support to victims. I went ahead to share stories and experiences I have come across working on this subject. I realized how relieved he was and how excited his diction became as we continued to have a conversation. I then told him the reality that many men face in our parts of the world. Our problem with CLOSURE. Men who were sexually abused as boys in our parts of the world hardly consider closure. In fact it is never a thought in their minds. When he realized how important closure was for him in his recovery, he also appreciated how blessed he was in the society he finds himself to even have the opportunity to talk about it, confront his abuser or seek help. Many men do not have that opportunity so they become bitter and abusive; that becomes a vent that eases the pain and effects of abuse for them.

He continued to share how much he loves his autistic son. And how hard it is for him to imagine him in an environment that are as ignorant to mental conditions such as represented in the book. Even though, knowledge in mental health is increasing, I think the pace is not admirable at all.

We can only do our very least in contributing to the creation of awareness. Because whether you see it or not, mental health is important for us all.