Amongst the entries received for OZ Competition No. 6 — to devise some characteristically Australian bigot jokes — one stood
out as an easy winner. The following were
submitted by Mr. G. S. Beatty, 4/29 Bannerman St., Cremorne, N.S.W.:—
Why do Jews have dirty feet?
Because they're terrified of shower rooms.
Why are there no Italians in Rhodesia?
Because of the oil embargo.
Why are vegetable shops always full of
Italians?
Because they eat like rabbits, too.

design: Neil Burley.

artists:
GUNNER O'NEILL

says

enlist now in the
irregular army of

What is the biggest book in the world?
"Farhous Polish Axe Murderers."
Why are Italian women fat?
It saves lira on maternity gear.
Why do Italian women wear black?
So you can tell them from watermelons.
Why are there no Croats in Long Bay?
There's no room—it's full of Serbs.
Why is the oil refinery on Botany Bar?
It saves money on transporting metho to
La Perouse.
Why are there no aborigines at universities?
They don't need a Ph.D. to carve boomerangs.
Why do so many Sicilians go home?
So they can be murdered on home ground.
And here are some more bigot jokes:
What's a Greek barbecue?
A fire in a garbage can.

conscri
ers
......... .............
..............
Name
Address

State-OZ Magazine
16 Hunter Street
Sydney

$ 2:40 a year

Why are there more Italians in Melbourne TtIOZ Competition No. 7: ititig)/6V-7t4C4*
The comic strip has made its comeback,
than aborigines in Sydney?
not only old favourites like "Batman" and
Sydney Lad the first choice.
"Superboy" but also dramatisations of the
What do you get when you mate a gorilla
lives of John F. Kennedy and Adlai Stevenwith a Greek?
son. 41 4t.11f
* #E lf 44 +1f 711t
A retarded ape.
Australia is not without its contemporary
political folk heroes — Harold, Arthur and
What would be a description of 250 Lebanall the gang. We are seeking a comic strip
ese paratroopers?
situation that could be used as a running
Air pollution.
commentary on political events. * W
You do not have to be able to draw to
How do you brainwash a Greek?
enter this competition. Merely send a
Give him an enema.
v
script for the first episode in su h
What do you call a Greek who marries an
At 40 IC* * If 4f
a series. 44
aborigine?
$ 10 to the winner.
IK Air it 444.10 •
A social climber.
Who has a long dirty white flowing robe
and rides on a pig?
Lawrence of Italy.
,Did you hear about the Lebanese beauty
contest?
No, who won?
Nobody.
Why don't they give Maltese workers tenminute tea breaks?
It's too costly to retrain them.
What do you call a Greek restaurant?
A fish-&-shits shop.
Why don't you offer an aborigine a tip?
Better housing doesn't interest him.

***-bie --It

)Vie 4( W 40

00c
' 0

Mike Glasheen, Peter Kingston, Mike Brown, Peter
Fisher.

foreign agents:

Richard Neville,
Martin Sharp.

• OZ is an independent magazine. It is
published by OZ Publications Ink
Limited, 4th Floor, 16 Hunter Street,
Sydney. 28-4197.
• OZ is printed by Amalgamated Offset
Pty. Ltd., Chippendale.
* OZ pays contributors. Articles should
be typed. They do not necessarily have
to be satirical. Send manuscripts or
artwork to the above address.
* Back copies are still available for
1/- each. Nos. 1, 4, 5, 6, 8, 9, 10, 15, 16
have sold out. For collectors: a few copies
of No. 17 have turned up so rush your
shillings to OZ.
The Editorship
As a result of a bloodless coup, Messrs.
Richard Walsh and Dean Letcher have been
installed as the new co-editors of OZ in the
absence of Messrs. Richard Neville and
Martin Sharp, who have been deported into
the East.
The new regime has been quick to denounce the old brigade as a pair of bourgeois reactionaries — and deviates.
Neville and Sharp are travelling through
Asia to Europe in a vain attempt to rally
support for a counter-revolution. They are
telling their few friends that OZ has sent
them overseas to collect material. We intend
to- print their contributions from time to
time so as to curry favour with them, in
case they should ever return to power.
Mr. Jim Sharman
Jim Sharman has joined the staff of OZ
as full time resident drama producer for the
Group Theatre.
His first production has been the very
successful "On Stage OZ", which was playing
at PACT until a disagreement with the
management resulted in our expulsion. The
alleged purpose of PACT is to encourage
Australian culture.
After a one-night stand at the AMP
Theatrette, which was originally planned as
a last night, we were offered the Wayside
Chapel Theatre by the Rev. Ted Noffs.
Negotiations are still being made to get
the Revue to Canberra and Melbourne for
short seasons.
The next prgcluction of the Group
Theatre will be "The Sport of My Mad
Mother" by Ann ("the Knack") Jellicoe.

r`

pril 12: Arthur Caluell protised that if Labor won this
year's Federal election it would
immediately hring home all National Servicemen overseas. On
the issue of conscription, he declared he would "live or die

April 19: Although he could command a
swag of honorary doctorates while in office,
it was obvious that Sir Robert would have
to really battle to get near a university
after retirement. In this case the battle
was William C. Battle, ex-U.S. Ambassador,
who swung him an appointment as Scholar
in Residence at University of Virginia.
"1 think his views will be extremely interesting," Mr. Battle said, referring to the
Vietnam situation, but obviously out of
.touch.
Our elder stateman's views on Vietnam
can be summed up in a few words — to
be precise, the last few that Johnson spoke.

*

*

*

April 22: The fighting Tigers of the Fifth
Battalion left to earn their stri

politically".

Arthur appears to he suffering
from the delusion that he is still
politically alive.

*

*

*

April 14: Item in the "Daily Telegraph".

Australian manufacturers are bidding for
dollar contracts for U.S.
forces in South Vietnam.
A spokesman for the Department of
Supply said today that a liaison officer had
been appointed to Saigon to co-Ordinate
Australian sales bids.
multi-million

The main contracts, of course. concern
the iron and steel industry, which is well
represented on the various newspaper
boards of directors.
We presume that the fact that war in
South Vietnam means booming business to
these gentlemen will have no effect on the
editorial policies of the organs of public
opinion which they control.

*

*

*

Buddhists agree to
Premier Ky in
role of caretaker
MH: April 16
"As we drew up outside the ornate gates
of the temple," writes our Saigon correspondent, "my eye was caught by the stooped

c figure with broom and pan who was sweep-

• ing up the ashes of yet another dissident
Buddhist monk. A welcoming committee
ushered us into the main hall to meet the
new government leaders but even there,
despite the saffron finery, that trim moustache and flying jack ft stuck in my memory. Who was he, fish mysterious templecleaner? Then, like d 'flash, I remember
the news that . .

They were christened "The Tigers" by
their commanding officer, Lieut.-Col. Oxley,
in his first pep-talk to them last year.;
That's odd. When this same Lieut.-Col.
Oxley was greeting Nashos at Singleton in
January, he referred to them as his "Young
Lions". Oh well, I don't suppose it matters
up there what sort of an:41 you are.
*
* *, *
April 23: Three Christchurch university
students painted "Q.M. Go Home" and other
anti-royalist slogans on a fence at a racetrack that the Queen Mother was going to
visit. Police took a dim view of this and
threw the book at them. The magistrate, his
glasses also misted with wrath, rather hastily
refused bail and so they stayed in gaol for
three days.
It's all a question of values. What's more
important, folk lore or justice?
* * *
711( *

April 24: David McKay, ace motoring
writer, tried the new HR Holden. He was
one of the few writers (or motorists for
that matter) who really liked the last
model. "After the controversial HD model

tm!

WE OUGHT
TO STUFF HIM
INSTEAD OF

THE TURKEY,

58

April 26: Bob Crosby, last of the Bobcats
and world-famous for his impersonations of
Bing, quits Australian TV after appearing in
the most tedious program of softboiled
schmaltz ever screened.
In spite of this formula, the show's ratings
never rose above . disaster level. The producers decided that Crosby, who reminded.
Melbourne of a thinner Norman Banks and
Sydney of Askin playing Harold Wilson, had
to go.
Crosby collected his pipe, children, Dad's
LP's and other stage props, sang a last
chorus of "So long, it's Bing good to know
ya" and shambled into the obscurity whence
he came.

A 351year-old garage attendant was shot while chasing an
armed hold-up man at Tempe
early today.
just F said to
thief had
se
red the attendant of I money."

hand over

WOW! MAT
A WI4OPPLO

Holden which, despite its many critics, 1
contend was the, best yet," he writes, "the
new HR released this week seems to have
won immediate acceptance from all
quarters."
This must have surprised no one more
than David McKay because he describes it
as "basically the HD tidied up all round I&

suit the popular taste".
The little tidinesses he notes are just
"Appearance, power,
frills, of course!

handling and riding comfort have all been
added to . . . the tail end has been
cleaned up with a wider rear window, new
tail lights and a lower boot sill for convenient loading . . . seating is far more
comfortable . . . minor suspension changes
and lowered height have made a world of
difference to the controllability and ease of
driving" and, of course, those popular
,r."liver-scoop" leading edges have gone from
athe mudguards. In fact, it's just the same
car but isn't "popular taste" a nasty old
ogre?
Except for one tiny thing. The new
high-compression engines don't go too well
on normal petrol. The thing will ping
so just wait a few months until a suitable
petrol comes out and then whiz off in your
turbo-jet comfort. Or wait for the next
model.
'i) 1/4: 1

*

Get away from it all. Live! Jet by
Air New Zealand to Samoa. ( If you
can't afford this, lose yourself in
the mystic tropical fragrance clinging to each page of the Samoa
Times. Let this weekly bring South
Seas romance to your bungalow.
Subscriptions 52 for $10.80, 'Samoa
Times', P.O. Box 906, Pago Pago,
Samoa.)
j14 1‹,t.

April 5: Marshall Ky prepared to take
Danang by force. He reported that it was "in
the hands of Communists" and that "either
the Mayor of Danang is shot or the Government falls."
The Mayor of Danang retorted "I am not a
Communist and I am not going anywhere."
On further question, Ky explained that he
knew the Mayor was not a Communist but
an Australian called Wilfred Kent Hughes
had told him that it was a clever thing
to say,. /
)
r
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:"...\\*W../.
,
wee
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i

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4
rt
April 2: The Piline Minister revealed that next year and thereafter "cracker night" will be
held on the Queen's birthday,
rather than on May 24.
Apparently Harold has finally
seen the similarity between Her
Majesty and a damp squib.
rF

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April 14: Item in the "Daily Telegraph".

*

April 6:Ming and the Lady Mingess moved
into "No. 2 Have-A-Look Avenue". And the
first task?talleof
k"First, we are going o find out just what
is in the garden," Dame Pattie said.l
wife is the gardener, not me," added
Sir Robert, who is himself a retired hatchetman.*--41WWIW ANISP:A 11111111111Mr
The house will be refurnished with gaslight and 1927 fittings to make Sir Robert
feel at ease. But the piece de resistance will
be a pair of Victorian antiques installed in
the hallway. Themselves.

i

April 3: In the 1 1 th annual edition of
"Getting Married", a handbook published by
the British Medical Association, the Bishop
of Woolwich has written that British
teenagers should be free to make up their
own minds about premarital sexual intercourse.
And in the same book, a scientist claims
that peak periods in human love-making
can be reduced to a matter of geography.
Australians, for example, like Indians, are
at their hardest in January. For Americans
autumn is not only the season of falling
leaves but of falling ladies. (Oh, to be a
rake now that fall is here!)
Interestingly enough, "Eskimos are ap-

parently, quite impartial and make love
equally successfully in the midnight sun or
the darkest days".
'Ito

penetration in the Arctic zone
Frankly, penetration
has always had a voyeuristic curiosity for
us. Before reading this, we had regarded
the Igloo screw a pretty frigid affair.
But apparently love-making is just
another of those things which are twice as
nice when done on ice.

*

*

*

*

Australian manufacturers are bidding for
multi-million dollar contracts for U.S.
forces in South Vietnam.
A spokesman for the Department of
suppiv said today that a liaison officer had
been appointed to Saigon to co-ordinate
Australian sales bids.
The main contracts, of course, concern
the iron and steel industry, which is well
represented on the various newspaper
boards of directors.
We presume that the fact that war in
South Vietnam means booming business to
these gentlemen will have no effect on the
editorial policies of the organs of public
opinion which they control.

*

*

*

Why do

HELP!!
OZ's Secretary is
being thrown out

married couples
pay £4 for

191WN't
wf-

Methyl Equidine
capsules
of her present accommodation at
the end of May,
and would like -a
flat or part of a
house in the Eastern Suburbs —
preferably
ElizabethBay or
Paddington.
Phone Jackie
28 7633 28 4197

THIS IS NEW
AND it WORKS.

Does your man come
home tired and worn
out — probably he's
been working long
hours, or holding
down two jobs?
Would you like to
see once again that
aggressive, attentive
male that you fell
in love with?
Well, slip him one
Methyl Equidine or
just simply toll him
'Ye take en*

*

April 4: The Premier of South Vietnam, Air
Marshall Ky, announced military operations
to quell the anti-Government rebellion in
Danang. 3,000 demonstrated in Saigon
against the Government and the Americans.
Washington officially communicated its
concern at the anti-American trend of
events recently in South Vietnam.
Asked to comment, Mr. Holt reiterated
that we are in South Vietnam at the request
of its people. He refused to reveal the
source of his information.

* dr

*

April 7: Remember Gordon Sheldon? He
was the ABC correspondent in Mt. Isa
(luring the big strike. His news reports did
great things for the Company's image —
which was just as well because he was also
the full-time Company public relations man.
The ABC didn't seem to realise this. Maybe
no one told them.
After the strike ended, Gordon hacked
out a book on the subject. It is notable
for its slavish devotion to the Company
line. Reviewers only mentioned that he
had been a Mt. Isa employee because he
didn't. No one knows whether the book
was part of his work for the Company but,
whether it was his' twisted idea or theirs,
it seems to have paid dividends.
Someone appreciated his frank, unbiased
approach to industrial questions. He is
now press secretary to Senator Henty,
Minister for Supply.

Suggest basic changes in methods of (a) recruiting,
for and (b) promotion within, forces for defence
of homeland shore.
Major disadvantage of past wars has been extreme
wastage of youths — due mainly to their lack of
experience and understanding of life in general.
The following radical changes bear this in mind.

Firstly, 40 years of age should be the lower age
limit for service whether voluntary or National.
Those of mature age have a capacity for military
strategy and logistical techniques for superior to
that of youths. (I have personally witnessed several
learned and even eloquent explanations of great
battles of the two World Wars from men no longer
young. No means of illustration were necessary
beyond three glasses and one pool of beer on a
bar table.)
Age, generally speaking, governs the country. If
a physically youthful person has reached an
exalted position in the government it is only
because he has been trained to be "mentally old",
or "mature", as his teachers would say.
The aged must, therefore, be more fitted to preserve our national heritage, having a greater
appreciation of Australia's problems — which they
have created.
Also, all posts of high military command are held
by old men — mainly because the older they are,
the less their desire for normal leisure activities.
This leaves more time for killing.
I am aware that some youths will not wish to
give up their birthright of risking death with its
attendant cheap housing loans, Legacy scholarships and conversation-piece wounds. But today's
youths may surprise us by their tolerance and be
prepared to waive their former privilege of service
in favour of their elders. Nor will they surprise us
by letting false pride stand in the way of relinquishing another responsibility. They usually don't.
Of course, these same youths must man the
machines for production of war goods with the
drawback of repetitive tasks for long hours at
overtime rates.
But here again I do not anticipate any serious
objections. They will face it from a national point
of view and realise that minor irritations cannot
be considered when it comes to Australia's defence.
Their leisure can be profitably spent in supplying
future manpower supplies for defence industries.

Secondly, I propose a means test for promotion
within the over-40's force. Promotion should, for
efficiency's sake, be subject to an inflexible property or income qualification. The more a man
has to protect, the harder he will fight. I suggest
that all NCO's and lower ranks should be those
holding property or a salaried position worth no
less than $8,000 per annum (gross).
If, then, the officer class is drawn from the other
(impoverished) section, this will ensure the purest
of idealism in command.
Several retired generals have spoken with approval
of this goal if not of my methods for its
attainment.

EDGLEY & DAWE
J.

C.

WILLIAMSON

`THEATRES LTD.

4 present the

BERIOK

DANCE COMPANY
of MOSCOW go

4•

Russian Nations
Orchestr
RUSSIA'S MOST DAZZLING ATTRACTION

—JOHN DOUGLAS
02-

PAGE 7

from "T

r

0
O
0

lanists insure their hands, singers their voices and prostitutes their
deposit-boxes.
Politicians have only their image,
for which there is no mark-up price.
It is cultivated like a prize orchid
and pampered like a French poodle.,
Harold Holt has this image of a
skindiver, a sort of ageing Lloyd
Bridges. It helps him fool people
into believing that he is young, which
at 58 is an optimistic kind of dei•
sion.
Yet already Harold has been
ordered to quit the frogman bit for
health reasons and in a few years
time when Statesmanship (the description a politician invariably gives to
his machinations) has taken its toll,
he will need a couple of aides to
chair to the water's edge.
But, as the old pro knows, the Show
must go on .

Australian")

It was January, 1970, and a few of the
Press boys had come down to see the P.M.
take his annual dip.
The familiar "C.1" Daimler pulled up
and the wheelchair was quickly unstrapped
from the roof and Harold appeared.
Harold this year seemed to have aged
more than usual, though it was hard to
judge accurately the face behind the
goggles. His white hair waved in the breeze
and the belt of his blue Speedo flapped.
In '66, when asked to comment on the
bikini issue, he had made his famous
pronouncement: "It depends on what's in
them."
It's much the same with Speedos. There
wasn't much left in this one.
The wheelchair stopped at the high-water
mark and the aides propped Harold up on
his feet to help him off with his cardigan.
His flippers seemed to help him keep
balance.
Then they handed over the snorkel and
he had a few practice blows to see that
the ping-pong ball wasn't stuck. But it
gave its reassuring click.
Finally they strapped on his emergency
oxygen supply and his water-wings.
Everything seemed all set for action and
the photographers closed in holding their

light meters at arm's length.
Harold took a few stumbling steps oceanwards but after that only the reassuring
grasps of his two aides prevented the grand
old fellow filling forward on to his face.
His doctor frowned and began to fidget
with his stethoscope. He took a quick
assessment of the pulse. By this time Harold
was coughing somewhat into the snorkel
and then got a bit delirious when he
accidentally turned his oxygen supply on
full-blast.
Between the lot of them, they got the
switch turned off again. The aides,
stripped to their togs by now, took each
arm and carefully guided him into deeper
water.
Bulbs flashed and the pages of the shorthand pads flipped over, quickly filled with
eloquent descriptions and apostrophes to
Youth and Vitality. The aides gave the
human side of the story and the doctor a
few pertinent medical facts.
Suddenly an aide realised that a strong
wind had sprung up. Somewhere out to
sea there was a pair of water-wings under
full sail.
Moral: In the pursuit of Immortality,
Youthfulness is not enough.
—R.W.

In ray opinion the publication would deprave young people or unhealthy-minded adults so injudicious as to fancy it as
literature and so misguided as to cultivate the habit o reading it." — Mr. G. A. Locke, S.M.
['he first thing that I should like to mention is what I might describe as the failure of communication evident in a great
number of cases of this type. I refer to the obvious gap between on the one hand many decent people in the community —
among whom I will include my learned friend, the Crown Prosecutor — and a great body of very intelligent, cultivated and
well-educated people, such as trooped through the witness box in this case." — Mr. E. . St. Jahn, Q.C., summing up for the
defendants in the OZ case.
'y'
"The Trials of OZ" is about this gap, the gulf betweeni
Iwitnesses who testified their belief in the worth of the maga.
zirie and a prosecution which believed that it was confronted

by a conspiracy of intellectuals trying to cloak pornography
with the respectability of literary merit. In the course of their
evidence, the literary witnesses — including James McAuley
and Morris West — analyse what is satire and its relevance
to the contemporary Australian scene; the artists — such as
Les Tanner, John Olsen — explain the function of cartooning;
the psychiatrists and sociologists explore the question: is it
possible for literature ever to deprave and corrupt?

3 OZ May

e

5
A

T
0

WirrriVIY

"The Trials of OZ" is an edited
transcript of the evidence in the
unsuccessful prosecution of the
February, 1964, issue of OZ, in
which the editors were originally
sentenced to six months gaol. It
includes the conflicting judgments
handed' down in three N.S.W.
Courts and a full reprint of the
offending issue.

Everyone is well aware of American pop art but somehow, the Australian public
has remained blind to the indigenous pop movement which has flourished here for so
long beneath its very nose.
Joining the groundswell, HZ now presents its collection of pop sculptures, assemblages, lithographs and montages, which are available at reasonable prices to any
collector swinging from op to pop.

Illustrated on page 9
Turn Back Jimmy Creek road sign
sculpture. Other collectors' items
include Fat Lubra Hill, and "Have
You Protexed Yourself This Morning?" A witty reprint of "Bathurst
Welcomes Careful Drivers" recently
fetched $200 while "You are now
entering Elizabeth—a good Rexona
town" also produced spirited bidding.
Norco Cow. Part of the brilliant
collection conceived by the Royal
Agricultural Society school, which
achieved some of its finest moments
in the three-tone Maxam cheese
pocket, the Contented Cow lithos
and the Royal Visit milk bottle tops.
Bex Powders Packet. After scoring
on initial hit with its packet in
visual opposites the Bex Co. proceeded to inundate the art world
with a series of fine reprints of
their unsolicited testimonials (originals n.f.s.) including the famous
Mrs. K. Gray of Footscray whose
knew no relief
"For over 20 years I
is reprotried your .."
and then I

Also available
4ft. by 2ft.blow up in chipped
enamel of VD Horror Sign.
15original Woods'Great Peppermint Cure tram posters.
A wide range of Pop Sculpture including shoe-store X-ray machines,
set of used Globites, flamboyant
poker machines.

Also new Pop L.P. with the following tracks; Australian Amateur
Hour with Terry Dear, Village Glee
Club, Theme Music from "Blue
Hills", five minutes of John Harper
clearing his throat, Jack Davey's
Hi Ho, Bob Dyer's Happy Lathering
Customers, the Aeroplane Jelly
Song (two reprises) and Miss Anne
Dwyer reading The Little Red Train.
Your own Pop room at Lennon's
Broadbeach or Wagga's Zebra Motel
two walls in GPO telephone
speckle-green, feature wall of Japanese occupation money wallpaper,
divan-bed in dark-green vinyl with
NSWGR motif repeated throughout.
Choice of pictures
Emmanuel,
Joe the Gadget Man, ,-Max Harris,
S. S. Orr. All with open aspect to
carpark and westerlies. Optional
extras of ULVA glasses, framed
Argonauts Blue and mulga paperknife.
—

Emotional
State
of the Nation
policy aspects and 0 see
how far our actIvities can
be co-ordinated."
Any hint of "me-too"ism
was brushed aside angrily as
the new leader put his cards
ton the table and bitterly
attacked the statements of U.S.
Vice-President Humphrey during his flying visit. The implications that his visit had
been a mere publicity gesture
and that his information had
been little better than propaganda could not have been
more clearly spelled out.
Mr Holt said: "He
was able to bring us a complete account of the talks
between President Johnson
and Prime Minister Ky of

In a dramatic "State of the
Nation" speech, the new Prime
Minister shocked many with
his boldness. Seasoned parliamentary observers were surprised that he should give such
a detailed account of Cabinet
activities and government intentions at this early stage.
Reviewing the six weeks
since be became Prime Minister, Mr Holt said: "In addition to the tasks normally to
be expected in these circumstances, we have found ourselves engaged in discussions
—some of a pfofound and
far-reaching character—in
the fields of defence and foreign policy.

Liberal backbenchers hurried
hour the lobbies as word
spread of his slashing attack
on the past government's lack
of an independent policy on
South-East Asia. Foreign diplomatic sources confessed to be
stunned by his stubborn
resistance to Australia's role
being dictated by American interests.
"We felt that there should

South Vietnam.

"We found our own
assessment of the situation
there, based on information
reaching us from our own
sources, to be very much in
line with that conveyed by
Vice-President Humphrey to
us.
(At least one ALP member
cancelled plans to return o
his electorate after receiving
news of this dramatic turn in
events.)
Opposition interjectors fell
silent and a packed gallery was
tense as Mr. Holt announced
the specific aims for which Australia was fighting in Vietnam.

be discussions between ourselves and United States
representatives on our respective activities in SouthEast Asia," he said.
"It would be of great advantage to develop the

role , to play in South-East
Asia and in the world at
large, consistent with its
growth in economic strength
and the development of its
natural resources.

(Prolonged applause from
both sides. Speaker threatens
to clear public gallery as
shouts of "Another Menzies!"
and "Bravo" continue for
several minutes.)
"We are told," he continued,
"that we over-simplify the
issue there. It is more accurate to say that our critics overcomplicate it."
Labor front-benchers were obby this
viously dismayed
r igorous
analysis and exchanged hurried words. Their
despondency about success in
next December's elections could
only have deepened as the
Prime Minister punched home
his further defence plans in
one decision - laden pithy
sentence.

"Neither we, nor our
allies, are in South Vietnam
for territorial gain or
colonial power. We are
there to establish conditions
in which ordinary men and
women—and there are 14
million of them in South
Vietnam alone—can pursue
their lives in freedom.
(Ministerial cheers.)
But it was with the
announcement of the "Holt
Plan" for social and economic
reform that the mantle of the
statesman seemed to descend
most surely on his wide
shoulders.
On overseas aid, he said
Australia had an expanding

Announcing the increased
military commitment, Mr
Holt said: "Measuring the
availability . of Australian

troops in the light of our
other commitments and in
consultation with our Allies,
and at the request of the
Government of South Vietnam, the Government has
decided that the battalion
will be replaced by a selfcontained Australian task
force under Australian command embracing all personnel serving there and enlarg-.
ing our contribution to a
total of some 4,500 men—
in effect, a trebling of the
current strength of our
military forces there.
Opposition spokesmen admitted that Mr. Holt's final
foreign aid bombshell had
caught them unawares and its
implications had not been
considered even at an informal
level by Caucus. But if the
statement numbed Labor members it electrified the government benches and brought a
Glazed gallery to its feet in a
storm of applause and cries of
"Another Menzies!"
As he threaded his way
between overjoyed colleagues
and cheering well-wishers and
out into the glare of television
lights and exploding flashbulbs, Mr. Holt must have felt
a surge of relief and confidence.
Not often has a prime
minister given new hope and
direction to his country a bare
six weeks after taking office.
BOOKS

Ideal for education, C.W.A., etc., meetings,
letters to the editor, and so on.
SEDITION.
OBSCENITY, BLASPHEMY,
Story of censorship in Australia, court
cases, etc., by Peter Coleman. 196

Bob Dylan is a genius, of course. Craig
McGregor said so.
Craig is one of the SMH's more reluctant
proteges, their expert on Pop music, who
sports a beird and as of very late his own
magazine ("Comment"), He is Dylan's
principal (self-appointed) apologist in this
country and naturally saw quite a bit of the
boy during his brief stay.
Having heard any of Dylan's records you
would hardly imagine he needs an apologist;
having heard him attempt to be funny,
you would feel that he needs a better one
than our Craig.
Bob Dylan arrived in Sydney on April
13. Within half an hour, he had "conducted
an anti-interview, put down the Press —
and parodied the whole performance"
(SMH).
To put down the Australian Press, as
anyone who has ever watched a Press conference on TV will be aware, is not exactly
a monumental intellectual exercise. The
anti-interview has been attempted by every
Pop star that his visited this country in
the last two years.
For Craig, this was :t real novelty and
the laughs kept coming up in rapid succession:
Q: Why have you started playing rock 'n'
roll?
A: Is that what you call it?
Pretty witty, huh? That's one reporter
who wouldn't dare ask another.
Q: Why have you gone commercial?
A: Commercial—that's a word that describes
old grandmothers that have no place to go.
Copy that down as a quotable quote. A
really Wildean definition — incisive,
aphorkstic. meaningful yet with a touch of
worldly-wisdom.

In the evening the "Sun" made a sacrificial offering of its columnist, Uli
Schmetzer. Schmaltzer, as he is better
known, is an intellectual cripple who contributes a piece of hobbled prose each
evening in a v lin attempt to prove that
New Australians can be integrated into
Australian society.
Presumably the "Sun" editor must have
felt that if anyone could dish The Genius
up with knock-down lines it would be their
Uli.

This was real David and Goliath stuff
with David right out of stones and his hands
tied behind his back:
Q: What would you describe yourself as?
A: A tree-surgeon.
Gasp! What a genius! You can easily
tell he's a poet—he's so good with his
words.
Unfortunately, Uli was more interested in
the long hair and the phony facade than
the intrinsic wit there for his shorthand's
taking. However, he did discover that Bob
had three rib-digging stooges. (Haven't
they all? Presumably it saves the cost of
canned laughter.)
When Craig McGregor's big Press conference ended Dylan was left stretched out
on a settee, with Albert Grossman, the five
members of the band and a last cameraman. (Presumably since Craig is telling the
story he must have been the straggling
cameraman himself.)
Moving swiftly from seat to seat, Dylan
immediately improvised his own Press conference.
"How long is it since you saw your
mother?"
"About three months."
"Why don't you see her more often?
Doesn't she approve of your music?"
"Well, my mother doesn't approve of it
but my grandmother does."
"I see you've got about 12 people there
with you; what's that, a band? Don't you
play music any longer?"
"No man, that's not a band with me.
They're all friends of my grandmother . . ."
What a fantastic parody!
The boy ought to write, as I said to
Craig.
He ought to write songs.

R.W.

—

An officer three timeS-ordered O'Neill to resume
drilling;' three times
O'Neill replied: "My
trousers are too tight,
Sir, and I can't lift my
legs."
02

➢AGE 144-

Militarism
"I spent 33 years and four months in
active military service as a member of our
country's most agile military force—the
Marine Corps. I served in all commissioned
ranks from a second lieutenant to MajorGeneral. And during that period I spent
most of my time being a high-class muscle
man for Big Business, for Wall Street and
for the bankers. In short, I was a racketeer,
a gangster for capitalism.
"I suspected I was just a part of a racket
at the time. Now I am sure of it. Like
all members of the military profession, I
never had an original thought until I left
the service.
"Thus I helped make Mexico and especially
Tampico safe for American oil interests in
1914. I helped make Haiti and Cuba a
decent place for the National City Bank
boys to collect revenues in. I helped in the
raping of half-a-dozen Central American
republics for the benefit of Wall Street.
The record of racketeering is long. I helped
purify Nicaragua for the international
banking house of Brown Brothers in 19091912. I brought light to the Dominican
Republic for American sugar interests in
1916. In China in 1927 I helped see to it
that the Standard Oil went its way
unmolested.
"During those years, I had, as the boys
in the back room would say, a swell racket.
I was rewarded with honours, medals and
promotion. Looking back on it, I feel that
I might have given Al Capone a few hints.
The best he could do was to operate his
racket in three city districts. I operated on
three continents."
—Major-Gen. Smedley D. Butler,
U.S.M.C., Retired.
From an article in Common Sense,
November, 1935.

A Hymn in Prose and Words Writ as a Hip
Story with Apologies to Jack Kerouac

William "Dusty" Barnes had a mouthful
of words and an assful of buckshot that
he'd picked up trying to steal a chicken
from a MidWesternAustralian backyard of
500,000 acres of BanjoPattersonned cracked
ground. I met him drunk and high in the
yard of a PaddingtonesqueRedfeinTerrace
House wearing army surplus trousers and a
jungle green shirt—to rebel against conformity he later told me.
'Let's go!' were his first words ever to me.
'Where?'
and before he had finished yelling 'Christ!
you're not so square as all that are you?'
we were driving a stolen car down the other
side of the Great Dividing Range.

•

•

•

•

'Look!' he cried, passionately, pointing at
the speedo that was registering 90. Looking at the dizzily shuddering needle on the
indicator made me think of Heroin and
how great Australia really was.
'The Nullabor Plain is as pretty as a
girl' I mused.
'Sure' mumbled Dusty. By this time he
had his foot flat down and had taken both
hands off the wheel so that he could concentrate on the chick we'd picked up hitching on the border. I looked at Dusty and
at the plain as we swerved across it as
adventurously as the Pilgrim fathers in
1620. Then I thought of me, the skywriter, and how I would take off in my
little 'plane and I would write the poetry
of Henry Lawson over TheNullaborPlain
andbetweentheBlueMountains, till the three
sisters and I were but as one, and I would
swell' with pride as the musings of our bard
streaked out over the continent, shrilly as
he would have liked it, like some apoclut yphal (... is that the word? ... Really? ...)
vision.

02..

'Henry!' I was calling, 'HENRY where
are you? If you are real then just show
yourself once to me, and then I could have
kicked myself silly and given my ass a good
beating for he was there all right, all around
us. And we were screeching through his
Eden in our shaking car. 'Cobb and Co.
you are everywhere and I, I am with you!'
I leaped to the front seat and took over the
reins.

.

We stopped though no one could say we
were out of gas. 'faking our lunch around
a single shrub, the embryo of some oasis.
'One prickly leaf ...' Dusty drawled and
by the pause we could guess that he had
something real to say, something that was
not just deepfrozen or pressurepacked in
the supermarket of square thought, this was
to be for real. 'One prickly leaf of this
bush has more poetry than all of the ageing
pansy we met once on the Transcontinental
Express, pastel shades and all.'
'Pansy? Why you called him Blake's Sunflower when you met him.' I retorted in
existential haste. It was a pleaLure to argue
with Dusty even though you knew you were
going to lose. Boy, the philosophy was on.
'Yes, but he was buying us drinks then.
Stuck on the train; who can find love
bound between two enclosing rails? That's
society. Remember the second verse of that
poem:—
where youth pined away with desire—
that's him only society pined him away.
'That was him, him, him!'
Collapsing after this soliloquy he lost
consciousness and had to be revived with a
swig of whiskey, not inappropriately from
a hip flask. He was awake again by Kalgoorlie. We stopped to piss on a lamp post
to show our dislike of the squares and the
built up cities. A dog sniffed Dusty's leg
but didn't. 'Piddling dog,' he murmured.

'Let's get a move on before I chuck.' It
could have been said by any of us for it
echoed all our thoughts and ten minutes
later our northeasternboundcar was heading
for the real heart.
'By Jesus when we get there I'm going to
get on my back and pray.' Dusty said and
we all, both of us, agreed—nodding in
silent and profound acceptance. 'Ayer's
Rock is the grail stone and I intend to find
it.'
We stopped only once, to pick up
tramp unshaven and with corks on his hat.
He was a wonderful man and seeing him
just sitting there I've never felt so equal in
my life, though he didn't have much in
terms of communication. It was a shame
he asked to be let out at the next homestead, a real, crying, shame. 'Australia!' I
called out after him, 'Remember Australia!'
and though none but the tramp heard me,
and he didn't answer, I knew that I was
right.
'ZOOM' roared Dusty, as though imitating the engine's voice as we sped off into
the vastness of the dust that looked like the
haze before dawn, a real dawn, the kind
you have to get up early to have a real
look at. Wherever you looked you couldn't
see the water. This was the real Australia,
Australia the land — brown as a native's
forearm (fore warned is fore armed). We
had sped through its twilight, now we were
speeding through its dawn.
We were hip and speeding ourway to a
beginning, not just any beginning but a
proper beginning. I smiled and as I did so
a poem of Lawson's crept streaking through
my brain but I'm buggered if I can remember any of it now.

-C.
P AGC

NOW IN AUSTRALIA

FANNY
HILL

Feeling tired
Arthur ... huh?

or ADVENTURES OF A WOMAN
OF PLEASURE, by John Cleland.
A limited edition of this most famous
banned book is being published in Australia.
:

q..?.?k;•

COMPLETE

.

&

UNEXPURGATED

The story of history's most notorious prostitute is being made available to Oz readers
only and is not being sold elsewhere. Secure
your copy by filling out the coupon below.

OBSCENITY
Mrs. Calwell's diary
Well, Dear Diary, here we are and it is
truly a very "Home Sweet Home" once
again at 30 Baroda Street, Flemington. At
last Arthur's pension seems safe.
He put up a tremendous fight but I'm
not surprised that he did. Arthur has
always had to battle—like most men with
his sort of talents. All through life people
have been against him but Arthur has
usually managed to show them and once
again he has shown them just what sort
of a chap he is. I doubt if anyone else of
his age could have done it.
Isn't he wonderful, though? "I am not
tired," he said, and didn't everyone love
that phrase, simple yet very telling! It
told worlds about my Arthur, though
nothing that I didn't know already, of
course. We have no secrets from each other.
So when Arthur said that thing about
living or dying politically on the conscription issue, I had to laugh, I really did.
"That's not Arthur speaking." I thought,
because we both know that it's not true!
There are lots of things more likely to
kill Arthur than conscription, Dear Diary,
truly.
And speaking of Gough Arthur certainly
put him in his place' Not Arthur's place
if you understand, because he'll never do
that. Arthur says that it will need a democratic show of hands for Gough to get
the leadership and not one of these secret
ballots that the young fellows keep talking
about.
Anyhow, since Arthur beat Gough 49-24
I don't think that there can be any doubt
about where they both stand in the affections of most of the other lads.
And, even I have a good idea where 24
of them stand in Arthur's affections.
But after all this fuss it was so good to
have Arthur at home so that we could
have a good chat and a roneo together.
I have kept the machine humming while
he's been away but somehow it takes on
a happier tone when he tends it.
The Queensland branch has told Arthur
t hat the climate in December may not

16

Ilillisco.G04,
May

BEST OF

agree with him so he won't be up there
for the elections. Instead, he is printing
off a little booklet especially for the
"banana-benders" called ' Meet The Man
Who Won Dawson" and is all about how
Arthur and Dr. Rex Patterson used to
catch brigalows together and roam along
the beef-roads hand-in-hand as kids.
I must confess that his outback Queens.
land childhood is one chapter of his life
I've not heard much about but it all
sounds very vivid, I must say.
Especially Arthur cane cutting to pay
Rex's university fees.
After Graham Freudenberg resigned as
Arthur's secretary, I drafted most of his
speeches. ("Ask not what your party can
do for you, ask Arthur what he can do
for the party", etc.) But now we are casting around for someone new. Arthur saw
a letter in one of the papers yesterday and
was very impressed so he is getting off a
letter to the writer.
He's an ex-serviceman called Peter O'Neill.

DE SADC

SEXY

ISSUE

Obscenity No. 2 has been banned in Vic-

toria and Queensland. It contains extracts
from three banned books: Marquis de Sade's
Juliette, Kama Sutra and Decameron; two
pages about the four-letter word, reviews of
other banned books and so much more the
mind boggles.
There are a few copies of Obscenity No. 1
left as well. Both magazines are available
at 5/- per copy.
A limited number of the Obscenity Poster,
pictured above, is being made available at
5/-. It measures 22 by 18 inches and is just
ideal for the bedroom wall.
Fill out the coupon below and rush it to
GILDROSE PRESS, BOX 87, SYDNEY
MAIL EXCHANGE. We send all our mail
under plain wrapper (it's much cheaper
that way).

WHO ARE THE FUGS
ANYWAY?
What does Tom Wolfe have for
breakfast?
What's with Pop Art, The Stones,
Prince Charles, Harold Wilson, and
Our Own Beloved Prime Minister?
You'll find the answer in
COMMENT
New monthly magazine.

It took the Queen years
to learn to smile. The
.Queen Mother, when she
was Queen with Princess
Elizabeth beside her, would
rail her, "Smile, Elizabeth,
But once Queen she
went to an - enormous
i amount of trouble to correct her shortcomings.
She lowered her voice,
which was much too highpitched, by speech training. (After all her father
corrected a stutter, why
shouldn't she bring her
voice down a half-tone?)
And once she had mastered the art Of lanning
en le-wasn't- edify sae
found she could switch it
on and off when (and I
quote her Press officer on
this) the smile was actually hurting her."

ti

'a
fi

110,

ho

5)

Once upon a time the Queen didn't know
how to smile. That was back in the bad
old clays when she didn't know how to wave
either and spoke in a high-pitched countertenor.
That was before her father was King and
she was just an average sort of princess,
slumming it in one of the back palaces with
her stammering father and a governess or
two to teach her poise and elocution.
Smiling came difficult to the Queen, who
was from a long line of non-smilers and
haemophiliacs. Fortunately, her blood's
thicker than water but the non-smiling
gene came through as a throw-back to her
great-great-grandmother, the one that
wasn't amused.
But once the Queen set her mind to the
task, she began to learn to smile with the
grim determination that all her biographers
have found so remarkable.
Recently, while I was in London, I called
round to her palace to see how she was
making out. As I was announced, she came
forward and hitched the corners of the
royal mouth up into her by-now-familiar
Welcoming Smile.
As our conversation warmed, she asked if
I would mind if she took her smile off for
a while as it was beginning to hurt. I
acquiesced. of course.
It was clear that she has now developed
a small but versatile repertoire of smiles.
She beamed again the Welcoming Smile
and then quickly switched over in turn to
her Severe Smile, her Waving Smile and
the famous Indulgent Smile, which she has
dedicated to her husband.
It appears that for formal occasions she
prefers to arrive wearing her smile rather
than having to put it on in situ, as it
were. In these circumstances, she is able to
give her mouth some internal support by
artificial means.
• The mechanical aids she employs include
a pair of cheek pads, a set of teeth clamps
and a natty little tongue depressor. With
them in place she can maintain her smiles
for hours.
She spoke earnestly, but without a trace
of self-pity, about the difficulties of speaking through her smiles and the particular
problem of State luncheons where she has
to eat and talk and smile!
I asked her about the change of life,
which has been worrying journalists in the
last few months, and whether she felt her
smile was becoming a little middle-aged.
Losing some of the contours at the edges,
perhaps?
She admitted that she was doing it less
but enjoying it more.
I asked if she had ever considered taking
up laughing.
She explained that in England today there
was very little to laugh at, particularly
since politics had been deprived of the
Tories' enormously humorous bunglings.
Not at all, I reassured her, so long as
there was a monarchy, England had at
least one thing left to laugh at.
The last laugh smiled loudly.

DEATH OF HER ROYAL HIGHNESS
THE PRINCESS ROYAL
—from "Hansard", March 30th, 1965.
Sir ROBERT MENZIES (Kooyong—Prime
Minister): Mr. Speaker, Her Royal Highness
the Princess Royal—the only daughter of the
late King George V and Queen Mar•—died
suddenly on Sunday. She was 67 years of
age. She collapsed while walking with her
eldest son, Lord Harewood, and his three
children in the grounds of her home ....
Last year was one of the Princess Royal's
busiest years. Her official engagements took
her to Newfoundland ... to Lusaka, where
she represented the Queen at the Zambia
independence celebrations; and to many parts
of Britain ....
During two World Wars Her Royal Highness worked unceasingly to help provide
comforts for British troops. In the Second
World War she was Colonel-in-Chief of the
Royal Scots, the Royal Corps of Signals, the
Indian Signal Corps, the Royal Canadian
Corps of Signals and other corps. She was
also Controller Commandant of the Auxiliary
Territorial Service—the women's branch of
the Army—and Commandant-in-Chief of the
British Red Cross Society. The facts I have
recounted are only those that one might
gather from "Who's Who".
Very few people in Australia had ever met
the Princess Royal. I had the singular
privilege of having met her on a variety of
occasions and having come to appreciate
that although she was reticent and a little
reserved, she was a woman of immense charm
and of the most lively intelligence. She was.
among other things, Chancellor of the University of Leeds, a university closely associated with wool technology and, therefore.
with Australia. In that university the Princess Royal took a most active part and displayed a most active interest. The one thing
known against her was that she conferred
upon me a degree of that university a few
years ago. The Princess Royal had an
intense patriotism for that part of Great
Britain and a genuine and unaffected interest in the work of the university and, therefore, in what is, after all, our greatest industry in Australia. I shall always remember
her for that ....
If I may repeat myself without appearing
to be patronising, Her Royal Highness was
a woman of charm and intelligence. I myself
conceived a very deep regard for her. I am
sure that, had she been in this country at
any time, she would have made a remarkable
impact on our people. I propose that we
should address ourselves to Her Majesty the
Queen, and therefore I move—
We, the Speaker and members of the House of
Representatives of the Commonwealth of Australia in Parliament assembled, have learned with
heartfelt sorrow of the death of your aunt, Her
Royal Highness the Princess Royal. On behalf
of your people throughout the Commonwealth of
Australia, we express deep sympathy to Your
Majesty 'and members of the Royal Family in
the loss which you have sustained.

MR. CALWELL (Melbourne — Leader of
the Opposition): The Opposition supports
the motion of sympathy with Her Majesty
the Queen and the Royal Family on the
occasion of this very sad bereavement.
There is very little that I would like to
add to the remarks of the Prime Minister
(Sir Robert Menzies) ....
The Prime Minister said that very few
Australians had ever met the Princess
Royal. I believe that is true. It is a great
misfortune for us that she did not come our
way and that so few of us who ever went
to England had the opportunity to meet
her. On behalf of all my colleagues, I say
that the motion moved by the Prime
Minister expresses adequately and fully the
sympathy of the House for Her Majesty the
Queen and members of the Royal Family.

TAKE A GRIP of YOURSELF, YOUN6. MAN

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MODERN Jazz Ballet taught by

Joolee
Collins late of the Alvin Alley School—
New York, at Phyllis Bates, 99 Liverpool Street (phone 61-5754) at 6 p.m.
on Mondays and Fridays.

02 dscogotmay13

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7

)

Of all unorthodox police methods, theuse of "informers" causes most apprehension
and concern in our community. The repugnance of most citizens is ostensibly based
on the proposition that such tactics are unBritish, but probably there is a much less
praiseworthy motive which makes them apprehensive — a personal feeling of insecurity
and vulnerability.
Police informers (as distinct from "informants") are usually people of unsavoury
character; to be at all effective they must
associate with criminals, prostitutes, bludgers
and other law-breakers. Whatever their
character originally, constantly mixing with
such murky individuals must eventually
make them "tainted".
However, they must maintain this association to be of use in this, possibly the lowest
of all occupations. The type of information
sought by policemen is not likely to come
regularly to the notice of decent people,
clergymen or lay-preachers.
Perhaps the most apt description of these
traders in crime was given by a famous police
chief — "Informers, like manure, are not
pleasant to handle but often produce excellent Jesuits."
The really successful policeman, despite
his ability, experience and energy, needs
assistance from these people to reach the
top. In his contact with the criminal classes
the policeman must be ever on the alert to
detect and cultivate the person, male or
female, who has information to give. Usual:
ly such information will not be volunteered
unless appropriate inducement is given, and
he must always weigh carefully its value
against the privilege or advantage sought.
Cultivating Informers

The cultivation of informers is something
which all detectives should work at unceasingly. No matter how efficient and valuable a detective may be, his worth to the
organisation can be greatly enhanced by
developing useful informers.
Every criminal or suspect passing through
police hands should be treated as a potential
infolmer; he may have nothing to tell you
today but next week, or next month, he
may have vital information to impart.
He will not forget his benefactor if the
ground has been properly laid for his
approach.
Consider carefully when dealing with suspects how you may best develop a situation
where they feel obliged to you for some
favour — perhaps in arranging bail, a kindness to their family or not unduly pressing
minor charges. There are many avenues of
approach in achieving this and quite a
number are based only on the ordinary concepts of common decency.
Judicious pressure can be brought to bear
on potential informers by the use of consorting provisions. After the initial contact
it is often best to leave the next few "bookings" to other members so that the suspect
can come to you for advice.
Often the Vice, Licensing or Gaming
Squad can exert pressure which will achieve
a similar result.

Where he is not co-operating well over
a period, one or two visits or checks by

other police should be arranged, to remind

him that you can still be of mutual assistance to each other.

Wherever these people have become familiar with police or police methods disaster
has most certainly followed. Under no circumstances should they ever be permitted
to call at members' homes or mix socially
with them.
An informer must never be allowed to
commit or participate in crimes for the
purpose of trapping other criminals. Such
allegations are made from time to time and
do police reputations great harm.
Where you believe your informer is committing offences himself, arrange for other
detectives to detain him and carry out the
investigation. He must be prosecuted but
obviously your "vested interest" can be protected and even made ultimately of greater
value if he is thus investigated. He will
undoubtedly send for you and will want to
strike a bargain.

Discipline yourself so that you never pass
by a criminal without stopping to speak—
he may just have had a quarrel with an
accomplice, he may know of a "job" to be

done that night — if you pass him by,
tomorrow may be too late!
Above all attempt to develop amongst the
criminal classes and their cohorts the reputation of being a man who can be trusted
implicitly.
This is vital as, no matter how you may
silently despise your "informer", when he
gives you information about another criminal he takes grave risks of which he is
usually very conscious.
Before he takes such risks he must feel
certain that he can trust his confidant.

An Article by
Insp. W. D. Crowley,
Reprinted from
an Australian Police
Association journal
Motivation

Influences which usually indlice people to
inform on others are emotions such as
hatred, jealousy, greed, or a desire for revenge.
More practical reasons are a desire to
bargain for the right to continue illegal
activities, to avoid punishment for a crime
committed by the informer, to ingdtiate and
occasionally, on a higher plane, to repay a
good turn done them by a policeman.
Protection for Informers

At all times police must be conscious of
the need to protect the informer, not only
from his criminal associates and acquaintances, but also from unwanted police attention. To be of use to you, he must consort
with known criminals and cannot hope to
escape police observation and attention.
Remember well that not only will your
,failure here lose you a source of information
but could well lose your informer his life!
Handling Informers

Policemen must be circumspect in all their
dealings with informers; dignity must be
maintained and standards of proper behaviour cannot be lowered.
Absolute secrecy as to their identity must
prevail and their activities should be cloaked
as far as possible. No matter what the cost
policemen must keep their word to their
informers.

Even though his propositions may be unacceptable, you will still be able to assist
him and perhaps induce him to divulge
information of value.
It is vital that a written record of all your
dealings with informers be kept, even though
in certain circumstances it will be best to
enter only false names in such records. If
he is paid from police or Government funds,
see that proper receipts are obtained and
kept.
Liability of Informers
Where your informer commits offences of
a serious nature he has no protection and
should be prosecuted just as any other offender. Where he offends in a minor way
you should consult your officers and his
breach can be weighed carefully against the
aid he is able and willing to give.
However, where he enters into a conspiracy with others, but does so only for
the purpose of betraying them, he commits
no offence.
Conclusion
Remember, every criminal, suspect or lawbreaker should be regarded as a potential
informer and treated to produce the best
from him.
Once he is your informer, handle him
decently and fairly, but at all times with
great caution. Your association with him, if
properly conducted, can be profitable indeed, but if badly managed can end in
disaster for both of you.

•••••••••• • •••

•

e wag a very 3,33 young rron,eueA ,Fov' a

nbrtuary at-tendert (a group never given-to

bac, there, was
TukAA ietoettQ
qizt zn,Sert n~rned Ne.ustOkt.

excessive qa.tetti for reasons of decorum)
because of rack of feminine conloan.
This was quite in order, as his list of faults
included; round shoulders, warts, halitosis,
compulsive nose 00169 and innumerable
pi other f&ults.

OrOf course, there were sme difficulties to they
courtship— For one,she was stiRasalocarci and
cumbersome.
'Gear toe co( sure I." cried Newt 41 wonder
She could not be rnanouvereci irlo his ceianci had
whit the rest-of hv looks like
to be securely lashed to the rooffack.
Without hesitating heliitecithe shroud and
Intile movies people were always telling her
exclaimed "Hey! she's °fright — betleritan
to sit down.
the last one we had an axe Turder Oct*
,
She could not 1 ltusi and-the smell of
dy
'Hey! can we oo
orni&lciehle mule dancin close imloosole •
A
IL
L. He Interpreted her silence as yes

But around the home she wasaleal.
When not in use she diculoledas com riitn
e atm , and (
betweerctwo
chairs,) it ng bozIrci.
* 1 must have her for mAoion! cri Newt
F,ev from-I-Keyed deetors„at -I'
! A good 'idea, my sweet
She decomposed cipietalreernenhri+he our.

7'

Next n,orniny arraoqevnents were made
for hey- lourc se av s5, her Poor over 3
(dedrs at 83/i% rec(uci ble interest and -y
dOosif.
gat oh evi he yetuvred from The balk she
ut185 one