Matt Clement: Still Alive, Earning Millions!

Here’s a wild card for Sox Summer Savior: Magical Matt Clement, AKA the Emancipator, AKA the Expensive Yet Fragile One, AKA the Guy Who’s Still Earning Millions of Dollars of Red Sox Money That Could Be Better Spent Getting Brendan Donnelly Some New, More Stylish Glasses or Building a Robot Johnny Pesky.

According to today’s Globe, Matt’s still following that rehab program he started on what seems a half-dozen years ago. And he’s actually eyeing a September comeback.

Clement is throwing off a mound, according to Francona, and seems to be progressing nicely under the program set up for him. Perhaps by September, the manager said, Clement could be throwing in a game, but he added a bunch of qualifiers. “You just don’t know exactly, but I would say in September, he’ll probably be close. Come the middle of September, he should be close to getting in a game. Who knows? It probably would be hard for him to be ready much before that. But he also has a career to think about.”

Oh, we’re all thinking about Matt’s career, buddy. And we’re thinking how cool would it be if this sizable investment, this guy who was allegedly going to help fill the void left by Pedro and Lowe but ended up generating about as much heat as a Wang Chung reunion tour, stepped out from the shadows and proved his worth by helping to seal the AL East in the final hours. That magical beard wouldn’t hurt either; I’m a firm believer in beard mojo, people. Clement and Youk could basically teach a class at BU on Horrific Facial Hair, and How It Can Be Used to Better One’s Place in Society. Together, they could be unstoppable. Bring back the Emancipator!

And as for last night’s game… after all the pomp and circumstance last weekend at Fenway, this was another one of those buzzkill games you’d like to have permanently erased from your memory bank. There were some brutal low points: Not a single goddam strikeout for the Schiller, an 0-fer-9 showing from Lowell and Tek, and Julio Lugo’s continued descent to the earth’s molten core (he’s now batting .205, or the combined weight of two Dustin Pedroias). But there were also some good things: Coco hitting two home runs and going 4-for-4. And… er. Well, nobody died. That has to be a good thing.