My boyfriend and I are fully experiencing the joys of anal exploration and loving it every step of the way. He is convinced that you can cum through your bum. I know that penetration there can for sure lead to a vaginal orgasm, but is he right? If your bum can squirt and get slippery on its own, why would we need lube?

–Bum Bum Cum Cum?

Your boyfriend is correct, many women can experience orgasm through anal penetration, either alone or with clitoral stimulation, vaginal stimulation, or both. There is not necessarily a clear distinction between a vaginal orgasm and a butt orgasm, since when you come, both your pussy and your ass have contractions. However, your ass cannot ejaculate and it is not self-lubricating, so you absolutely need lube to make penetration comfortable.

SAN FRANCISCO (August 1, 2013): August is “Anal Pleasure Month” according to Good Vibrations, the trusted San Francisco-based company that takes pride in providing accurate information on sexuality and toys for grown-ups. In celebration of this theme they have put together an impressive timeline of the history of anal sex, along with a month of workshops and events in California to bring know-how and pleasure to the people.

“While anal pleasure is widely enjoyed, it is still considered taboo, so access to clear and accurate information about it is sadly limited. Good Vibrations declared August to be Anal Pleasure month as a way to illuminate the subject and make information available to interested adults. You can see how the cultural conversation around anal sex has evolved in our anal history timeline –- it’s fun and fascinating!” says Staff Sexologist Dr. Carol Queen.

Besides using lots of lube, what else can I do to make anal sex more enjoyable for my girlfriend?

–Good Guy

Great question! I wish every guy put this one on top of his list. The first thing is to do is talk to her and ask her what she likes. She is your best source of information, even better than me, since she knows her body best. She may like a particular position, for example. Or maybe she wants to try out a new toy. Or maybe she wants to have anal sex as part of a roleplaying fantasy. Ask her. Speaking of positions, experiment with different angles to see which ones give you the most indirect G-spot stimulation, since that is one of the ways women get off from anal penetration. And, of course, I recommend clitoral stimulation and lots of it. If you can reach her clit comfortably, have at it, otherwise, she can use her own hand or a vibrator. Working her clit while you fuck her ass will not only enhance her pleasure, it may also make her come.

I recently purchased an inflatable butt plug, and I love it. But, I always find myself a bit uneasy at first while I am pumping it up inside me. I have taken your advice and inflated it prior to insertion, but I still have an overwhelming fear of it bursting inside me if I move the wrong way. Or I fear the latex might give out from overuse. You briefly touched on this topic on your website and said you knew a couple of people who actually had an inflatable toy burst inside them. You said they were just fine, so I guess I’m just looking for some reassurance.

If this were to happen, would it be dangerous for all of that air to be forced inside of me so quickly? Aside from retrieving the pieces, should I worry if it will be painful or worse yet, damaging tissue? Perhaps I’m overreacting, but I just want to get the full amount of pleasure out of my new toy.

–Blown Out of Proportion?

I have heard of two people who’ve had an inflatable butt plug burst inside their ass, and both admitted that they were using the toy irresponsibly by over-inflating it. Both had no serious problems as a result. Realize that these are two cases I’ve heard about from thousands and thousands of people, so I think it’s probably pretty uncommon. That said, the sex toy industry is not regulated in any way and many manufacturers do not test the safety of their toys before putting them out on the shelves for consumers. So, your first line of defense is to select a toy from a well-known manufacturer with a good reputation.

Next, let’s address your concerns and talk worst case scenario. Yes, if a plug burst, a burst of air would come along with it, but not enough air to harm you; the worst it would do would give you gas. I suspect that the experience could be painful, as well as shocking to the body. Because these plugs are made of latex rubber, the pieces are soft and shouldn’t harm the rectal tissue in any way. Never, ever use an inflatable toy made of any hard materials. The bottom line is: be responsible, don’t over pump, and just relax and have a good time!

I love to feature lots of sex toys in my instructional movies, and there are plenty in Tristan Taormino’s Guide to Kinky Sex for Couples. When people watch my movies, they often email me to ask about a specific toy they saw in a scene. So, I’ve compiled this handy guide to all the toys in my movie, complete with links to the exact products as well as similar items and some of my favorites.

My girlfriend and I are considering experimenting with anal play on each other. But I am really nervous. I research everything, and several medical sites indicate anal play or anal sex can be linked to loss of bowel control. We are only considering anal toys like small butt plugs and anal vibrating probes (no sharp edges and made for this activity), but I am still quite nervous.

I did try a butt plug once before privately, and afterward I was a bit discomforted and itchy. There was no bleeding or terrible pain, but it felt more like a pulled muscle. Yet it made me nervous. Is some discomfort or “itchiness” normal if it was my first time? I did use lube, but then I researched and my fear began about trying anal play again, until my courageous girlfriend suggested it.

I realize these sites often report the worse case options (e.g. a headache is brain cancer, etc.). But I think people considering anal play for the first time could really use some advice as to the risk of loss of bowel control. Small tears and such can heal, but permanent damage scares me (more than my girlfriend). Having sad that, I have close friends who are very into anal sex and none of them seem to have a bowel problem!

–Jittery Instead of Jazzed

Stick with your girlfriend and your friends on this one, and take a deep breath. Just because you want to put things up your butt doesn’t mean you’re headed into the land of adult diapers! The few cases I’ve heard of where anal penetration lead to serious problems always involved drug use and irresponsible practices like no lubrication, no warm up, and foreign objects. As long as you go slowly, use lube and appropriate butt toys, you’ll be fine.

When you engage in anal penetration, you learn how to relax and control your sphincter muscles. Contrary to common myths, you are not stretching out those muscles, loosening them, or damaging them. As for your first anal experience, it’s common for the first time you have something in your ass to feel strange. Your ass is used to expelling things, not taking them in, so the feeling takes some getting used to. The itching may have been caused by a reaction to the lube or the material of the toy. I recommend you give it another try, have some patience, and go at your own pace.

Since the release of Fifty Shades of Grey, sales of Kegel balls (also known as Ben Wa balls or smart balls) have been off the charts. But I haven’t really seen them used in sex ed or porn movies. I think people are really curious about this toy, so I wanted to incorporate it into a scene in this movie. When I was showing Asa all the toys I brought to set, I asked her about using the Luna Beads by Lelo. Asa’s first response was something like, “Oh, little balls, aren’t those quaint.”

If you’ve seen what Asa’s orifices are capable of taking, you too might think that she’s way beyond Kegel balls. I told her “Let’s give them a try. If you don’t like them, you can always just stop.” Well as it turns out, when the balls were inside her pussy and Derrick spanked her, the balls jostled, which made them feel like they were vibrating, right against her G-spot—and that really turned her on. I loved to see her real reaction—her surprise at how much she liked them. (Oh and when their scene was over, she was ready to take the Luna Beads by Lelo home! Of course I said yes.)

Then they got into some great anal play, with two different butt plugs, including a cool metal one. Derrick fucked her in the ass and made her beg to come, which was easy for her to do with a vibrator on her clit. Derrick is an incredible dominant, and his interviews throughout the film really speak to how thoughtful he is about what it means to do dominant/submissive roleplay. He’s smart and thinks a lot about what his partner wants and how to craft a scene to give her a particular experience. So, I feel like aspiring dominants can learn a lot from him.

Asa is obviously a major star in the adult industry, but she’s also really down to earth and embodies a powerful submissive who knows what she wants. Together in their scene, their chemistry was just off the charts. I’ve seen Derrick turned on before because I’ve worked with him many times, but there was a heat to this pairing that everyone in the room felt.

The first scene features Lyla Storm and Danny Wylde, and it was the first time they’ve ever worked together. As a director, that’s always a gamble, but they both were really interested in working with the other one, so I cast them. Luckily, they had great chemistry immediately. There is something so sweet and amazing about capturing a couple’s first sexual experience together. We saw lots of genuine moments where they talked to each other about what they liked and spent time just discovering each other’s bodies. Lyla’s great because she’s not a lie-down-surrender-and-take-it kind of submissive. She’s more like, “Okay I am going to agree to play this role and have fun, but I’m a little bossy and bratty and that part of me isn’t going anywhere.” So, Danny had to work a little to get her to do what he wanted, and this made for an entertaining dynamic.

He blindfolded Lyla right off the bat, and it was fun to see him surprise her with various sensations when she had no idea what was coming, including a feather tickler. He then brushed Kama Sutra edible body dust on her chest and otherediblegoodies on her nipples. I’m not sure how the dust will read to viewers because it looks a little like flour, but it smells and tastes really good. Of course, the whole crew had to sample it!

Massage oil candles are one of my favorite toys we use in the movie. These candles burn at a low temperature so they’re safe and easy to use. After you pour the hot wax on your partner’s body, you massage it in and it dissolves into oil. As part of their roleplay, Danny decided to make a game out of it and balance the massage oil candle, which is in a tin container, on Lyla’s back and tell her she couldn’t move very much or the candle might fall over and spill. It was a cool element, entirely unscripted, but it totally worked. Danny teased her about it, and it built anticipation and tension.

Then, after he poured the hot wax on her skin and rubbed it in, they both got caught up in the moment. He started to fuck her and they were really into it. Danny distractedly sort of moved the candle, which was still lit, to one side on the bed. All I could think was, um, if that slides even a little, the sheets are going to catch on fire! So I swooped in and grabbed the candle. They were in their own world and blissfully unaware that there was still an open flame right next to them. Luckily, there was no fire and they just kept going! I always bring a bunch of different vibrators to the set, and Lyla picked the We Vibe Touch vibrator; it was so quiet, I could barely hear it. But, trust me, it was working.

Do you have any advice about anal beads? I saw them at our local sex shop on our last trip there, and I am wondering what they’re like, how to use them, and any tricks you might know of.

–Bead Curious

Anal beads come in many different varieties. One particular style used to be the most abundant and inexpensive: hard plastic beads on a nylon or cotton string. If you see those, steer clear of them: they are cheaply made, impossible to clean properly, and potentially unsafe (since the plastic usually has rough edges or seams). You want to look for an anal bead toy, which is one continuous piece of rubber, vinyl, or silicone. I recommend silicone, since it’s resilient, warms to body temperature, and can be easily disinfected with a sex toy cleaner or warm water and anti bacterial soap. Some bead toys have beads that are all the same size and others graduate in size; pick a size and style that appeals to you.

The thing that fans of anal beads love about them is the ability to experience one particular sensation –when the sphincter muscles relax, the anus opens up, the bead slides in, and the muscles close around it — several times (some toys have 5 beads, others as many as 10). Make sure to lube each part of the bead toy and go slowly as you insert each part. The fun thing about them is that once you have a portion or the entire length of the beads in your ass, you can pull the toy out all at once, creating an entirely different sensation! Some people like to pull it out just before orgasm to push them over the edge, while others wait until after they’ve come. Experiment and see what works best for you.

My girlfriend and I have just begun talking about engaging in anal sex. Both of us are curious but have concerns. We are concerned about safety. We are worried about her ass being torn inside in some way. Can that happen?

–Curious But Concerned

The anus, anal canal and rectum are incredibly sensitive and are made up of very delicate tissue, so your concern is absolutely warranted. As long as you go very slowly, do lots of warm up, and use plenty of lube, it should feel comfortable and pleasurable for your girlfriend. If she feels any pain, you need to slow down or stop altogether. If you are patient and careful, you should not cause any tearing. However, because the area is so delicate, sometimes, you may cause a tiny tear without even knowing it. For example, afterwards, when she goes to the bathroom, there may be a little bit of blood on the tissue signaling a slight cut. She may not feel any pain or discomfort at all. If that does happen, don’t be alarmed. The body should heal itself and all should be back to normal within twenty-four hours.

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