EXCLUSIVE: The No. 1 Killer of Lab Mice Is Scientists

It’s true. Scientists are killing lab mice left and right, and SkewedNews has the scoop.

AND’s SkewedNews — SkewedNews has uncovered a vast network of labs that are killing mice at an unprecedented rate. More than 100 million mice are killed by scientists every year. That sounds like a lot. It should. It is.

In a one-year study — that’s mouse year* — an undercover reporter discovered the secret truth behind these mass killings. Scientists are testing products on mice to see if they are safe for human consumption. Products ranging from new synthetics to the results of loud music are tested on mice by people in white coats.

For example, a makeup corporation will introduce a new line that must be tested on mice before it’s sold to ugly people.

“It’s not an easy job,” one anonymous scientist told us. “If you’ve ever tried to apply lipstick to a mouse’s lips, you’ll know that science is not as glamorous as it sounds.”

While the mice certainly looked more presentable, some ended up wearing that makeup at their funerals.

In a double-blind study, 10 mice were separated into two groups of five. Group A was given to scientists and Group B was kept in a cage far away from scientists. After six weeks Group A was 100-percent dead, while the cage holding Group B contained eight mice. Cute, right?

While the practice isn’t expected to stop any time soon, this article is.