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Wednesday, March 5, 2014

True Mom Confessions

Sometimes, as a mom, I do things that I’m not proud of. Sometimes,
I just need to confess my shortcomings to purge my guilt. Feel free to post
your own confessions, mom or otherwise, anonymously or otherwise, in the
comments section!

Sometimes I deliberately pick a leftover
container that’s too small just so I get to eat the few bites that don’t fit.

Sometimes I make my kids macaroni and cheese for
lunch because it’s what I want for
lunch.

Sometimes I make my kids take a nap because I need a nap.

Sometimes I tell my kids it’s “Pajama Day!!!”
because all my yoga pants are in the laundry and I can’t bear the thought of
putting on jeans.

Sometimes I “reward” my kids with pancakes for
lunch or dinner simply because I can’t think of anything nutritious that I want
to cook.

Sometimes I’m in the car by myself for half an
hour before I realize that I’m listening to “Frog Trouble” or “Broken Piano” or
“On Top of Spaghetti” – and liking it.

Sometimes I take the long way home from errands
hoping that my kids will fall asleep in the car so I can sit in the driveway
and read Facebook and Pinterest on my phone for 20 minutes uninterrupted.

Sometimes I cheat at Chutes and Ladders just to
get it over with.

Sometimes I let my kids cheat at Chutes and
Ladders just to get it over with.

Sometimes when I hear the kids wake up early I
pretend to be asleep so my husband will get up and get them dressed and fed.

Sometimes I pretend I need a second cup of
coffee just as an excuse to leave the chaos of the playroom for 5 minutes.

Sometimes I go in the bathroom when I don’t
actually have to go so I can just sit in the quiet for a few minutes.

Sometimes I describe an elaborate invisible
villain to my son so he won’t make me be the bad guy.

Sometimes I play Simon Says with them just to
tire them out.

Sometimes I make them paint the flagstones on
the porch with water.

Sometimes I blow bubbles with them just to enjoy
the head rush after the 327th “blow.”

Sometimes I let them blow bubbles inside the
house because it’s easier than washing the kitchen floor.

Sometimes I let them slide around in their socks
for the same reason.

Sometimes I watch them while they’re sleeping
just to remind myself how much I love them.

Sometimes I see aspects of my own personality in
them and I’m crazy proud.

Sometimes I see aspects of my own personality in
them and I’m crazy embarrassed.

Sometimes I wonder how on earth such a
wonderful, brilliant, thoughtful, sweet, kind human being could have issued
forth from my loins.

Sometimes I wonder how on earth such a
pig-headed, stubborn, self-centered, annoying human being could have issued
forth from my loins.

Sometimes I would gladly sell them to whatever
circus or band of gypsies was passing through.

Always, I would throw myself in front of a bus
or a speeding bullet or a raging lion for them. Even despite all of the “sometimes”
above.