The Gentle Grafter eBook

“‘You undevout, sinful, insidious hog,’
says I to Murkison, ’get out that two thousand
and lay it on the table. Obey with velocity,’
says I, ’for otherwise alternatives are impending.
I am preferably a man of mildness, but now and then
I find myself in the middle of extremities. Such
men as you,’ I went on after he had laid the
money out, ’is what keeps the jails and court
houses going. You come up here to rob these men
of their money. Does it excuse you?’ I asks,
’that they were trying to skin you? No,
sir; you was going to rob Peter to stand off Paul.
You are ten times worse,’ says I, ’than
that green goods man. You go to church at home
and pretend to be a decent citizen, but you’ll
come to Chicago and commit larceny from men that have
built up a sound and profitable business by dealing
with such contemptible scoundrels as you have tried
to be to-day. How do you know,’ says I,
’that that green goods man hasn’t a large
family dependent upon his extortions? It’s
you supposedly respectable citizens who are always
on the lookout to get something for nothing,’
says I, ’that support the lotteries and wild-cat
mines and stock exchanges and wire tappers of this
country. If it wasn’t for you they’d
go out of business. The green goods man you was
going to rob,’ says I, ’studied maybe
for years to learn his trade. Every turn he makes
he risks his money and liberty and maybe his life.
You come up here all sanctified and vanoplied with
respectability and a pleasing post office address to
swindle him. If he gets the money you can squeal
to the police. If you get it he hocks the gray
suit to buy supper and says nothing. Mr. Tucker
and me sized you up,’ says I, ’and came
along to see that you got what you deserved.
Hand over the money,’ says I, ’you grass
fed hypocrite.’

“I put the two thousand, which was all in $20
bills, in my inside pocket.

“‘Now get out your watch,’ says
I to Murkison. ’No, I don’t want
it,’ says I. ’Lay it on the table
and you sit in that chair till it ticks off an hour.
Then you can go. If you make any noise or leave
any sooner we’ll handbill you all over Grassdale.
I guess your high position there is worth more than
$2,000 to you.’

“Then me and Andy left.

“On the train Andy was a long time silent.
Then he says: ’Jeff, do you mind my asking
you a question?’

“‘Two,’ says I, ‘or forty.’

“‘Was that the idea you had,’ says
he, ’when we started out with Murkison?’