Nigel Farage and Katie Hopkins are both so elfin fugly we’ve put a pic of Michelle Keegan up wot we got off t’internet instead.

The much loved former UKIP leader and the highly regarded Mail columnist are currently the favourites to take over presentation duties on GBBO following the show’s switch to Channel Four from its original BBC slot.

“Katie’s a natural choice for the slot,” a theatrical agent who insisted on anonymity told Cafe Spike. “Her appearances on This Morning alongside Holly Willoughby and Pip Schofield galvanised her reputation for representing ordinary people. She’s in tune with the common people, as she proved by filming herself getting shagged in a field by a pig herder.

“As for Nigel Farage – he’s just so charismatic and attractive that millions of formerly straight UKIP voters just want to be gay for a day and share a bed with him smoking fags, having sex and drinking Bombardier beer whilst slagging off foreigners and pretending not to be racist.

“Which doesn’t bode well for Nadia, but the bottom line is that Katie and Nigel know all there is to know about fruit cakes.”