Grief & Loss

My niece was stillborn today

Bookmark Discussion

ninejr wrote:

I am trying to process the lost of my niece who was born sleeping at 28 weeks today. I can not even imagine the pain my brother and sister in law are experiencing. I would love advice on helping them from afar (I live about 2 days drive). I am unable to travel to be with them right now, but if you have ideas for ways I can support them I would love to hear them.

My sister in law is a private person so I don't know all that she is feeling, she has said she is worried about how she will make it through the next days, weeks, and months. I know my brother is heartbroken, he is such an amazing guy and I know he would make an amazing father.

Write them a heart felt email telling them how sorry you are for their loss. It is probably really difficult for them to talk about it, I know I couldn't stop sobbing at the mention of it for at least a week, but I could write. Something nice you could do would be send a special gift to them. The willow tree angels are lovely, but there are lots of options. A nice piece of jewlery to commemorate their child would be good too. Honestly they are probably going to need some time, but just let them know that you are there for them and will help them in whatever way you can. They won't want much more at this point I am guessing. Let her know about us too, we will help support her too if she comes on here. Good luck with everything.

Is there any way you can order them pre made meals? I had to undergo a surgery recently, and I had my fridge stocked with meals, and it was a huge relief not worrying about making food to eat. It will be the last thing on their minds.

I'm so sorry for your family's loss. It's incredibly difficult. I've had two babies born sleeping. I had a hard time talking about it in person or over the phone without crying. I also hated the looks of pity and sad way people spoke to me. It was like I was so fragile I might break. So it was easier to talk to people via email or text. That left me free to fall apart without an audience.

I think what PP said about sending meals is a great idea. I hated receiving flowers because they died too just like my babies. But meals were wonderful and so thoughtful.

Don't feel the need to give advice or a reason (Gods will, was meant to be, these things happen, etc) just tell them you are here for them and love them and are thinking about them. It helps so much even now to get a simple text from a friend or family member that they are thinking about me. That they haven't forgotten. Silence or avoiding the topic hurts a lot.

It always made me feel less alone when a friend or family member expressed their deep pain for me. My SIL who lives in France with my brother cried uncontrollably over the phone when we called to tell them about our second stillborn. It made me also see that my family was grieving a niece and nephew or grand baby just as we were our children.

Sorry for rambling. It breaks my heart every time I read that some else is starting their journey down this terrible road. Much love and prayers to you and your family.

Can you send them meals? Or maybe arrange to have someone come clean their hours? And just let them know you're there for them. It can feel like such an isolating experience so just knowing you have people to reach out to is really helpful. When our daughter was stillborn, her aunt looked into putting a star in her name.

We had some friends send us restaurant gift cards, there is also cute memorial jewelry you can get on etsy, or origami owl, I have several necklaces, one with my babies names on it, one is a heart with a hole in it that represents the hole in my own heart that only God can fill. Also, not many people sent flowers, but I appreciated the ones that I got.

We received a willow tree figuring from my husbands aunt. It was such a touching gift. I also think food or a house cleaning service would be good if possible. And just checking in with them regularly to see how they are but not offering unsolicited advice.

oh my goodness. This is so close to my heart as i lost my son Asher at 28 weeks in may. there has never been anything more difficult in my life....and to be honest, i'm still having difficulty. My biggest advice is to ask her how she/he is. To actually ask, and listen. People were afraid to talk to me about it, and all i wanted to do was tell them about him. Also, my friend got me a bear that was weighted to his birth weight and had his name/birth date/weight on him. it was wonderful. My heart goes out to your family. And yes, lead her to this support group. it is invaluable to be able to speak to someone who has been through it.

Remember their child, always. On birthdays, holidays, family gatherings. It may take some time for her to speak about it, but be patient with her. Ask her, her name. What color her hair is. Normal questions. Remember she exists. That will surely mean a lot. My sis in law lost her daughter, my niece. I visit her grave, I let her know I have. I remember her on her birthday with Facebook posts. We wear purple to remember her in any family thing we do. It's been 5 and a half years now. I don't think it ever gets easier for them. Best of luck and prayers for your brother and sister.

I would try helping financially, as the bills will still flow in -- for a baby that didn't even make it home. Totally sucks. Also, arranging for meals. Being available to listen if they want to talk. Hugs

I'm sorry for your loss. I lost my niece born at 28 weeks after a week in the nicu. My daughter was born 5 days later. We had all kinds of hopes and dreams for them as cousins so close in age. My sister and I had grown so close while we were both pregnant I feel like I lost our relationship as well and I know she needs space from me and I'm afraid seeing my daughter will be hard for her. I'm sad that my daughter will always be a reminder of her beautiful girl.

The material on this website is provided for educational purposes only and is not to be used for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, or in place of therapy or medical care. Use of this site is subject to our terms of use and privacy policy.