Week 13 The Day at a Zoo by Szymon

One day my family and I were going to the zoo to celebrate my birthday. When we arrived we saw aggressive lions and a baboon up to his usual shenanigans. The monkey was making a buffoon of himself by copying what the people did. At the end, we went to the area with the tiger.

Suddenly there was a warning of a fire in the nearby forest. Shortly after the fire came to the zoo and there was pandemonium everywhere. Suddenly the window that protected us from the tiger got smashed . The tiger leaped out and with a ravenous look he stared at me…Now the tiger was blocking our escape route.

A really good story! This is a really great piece of descriptive writing. This piece is a really good depiction of a story with family atmosphere – a trip to the zoo fits in with this. I can relate to this as I remember going to the zoo with my family, watching the animals with intrigue and excitement. I like your specific description of the animals, like the monkeys acting silly. This makes the piece believable as it makes the description vivid for the reader. Your addition of the fire to the story is particularly interesting, adding a unique element. When the glass smashes, the panic and fright of the characters really sets in. I can understand why it would be so! Your cliff hanger with the tiger staring at you is really well done too. Keep up the good work!

Oh wow Syzmon. I am totally captured by the scene at the zoo – a scene where you find there is no escape! You’ve certainly used some impressive language. The shenanigans of the baboon, aggressive lions, pandemonium breaking out and finally, the ravenous tiger. I also appreciate the tension created by your ellipse ….. Such great writing for a year 4 student, so I am going to be request that it be showcased. Thank you for sharing and have a wonderful Christmas season. Jackie (Team 100 WC) New Plymouth, New Zealand