LO gets so jealous! moms with two babies close together help!

She takes the blanket from the new LO while they're in their carseats, even if she has her own. We tuck it around him so its not loose and she still manages to get it. She never wanted a pacifier before yet she always steals his and puts it in her mouth. Oh and don't get me started about when she sees him with a bottle...I try and give her one on one time whenever I can but I'm at a loss of what else to do. She's even pinched and bit him! ( a bad habit her 3 yr old cousin taught her) is there anything I can do that could help? I feel bad for her. I really get it, she's still a baby too and wants attention. I was so worried about this when I got pregnant with new LO. Her first Christmas day we brought the new LO home so she didn't get much time to be the center of attention or to have a special first christmas. While pregnant I couldn't pick her up any more by the time I hit mid 2nd trimester due to a lot of pain. Could this cause any lasting problems? Or abandonment issues? DH would always bring her to the bedroom before work and she would go to sleep beside me until I was around 8 months pregnant, she didn't take it too well when we started to wean her from that behavior before her brother got here. How can I remedy the jealousy and any issues that could arise ? She throws tantrums if I'm holding the baby and she wants in my lap and she's been very clingy laying on me with her thumb in her mouth ( comfort thing to her). He's now 4 mths old. I thought she would have adjusted by now :(

Comments (9)

Seeing as how my Jan.5, 2012 daughter is with her big brother, (he will be 3 tomorrow), I can't imagine her having a smaller sibling that needs constant attention. She is also in an EXTREMELY clingy stage. And hitting stage. And jealous stage. When she doesn't get what she wants she throws a fit. And she is irritable altough she has been the happiest baby up to this point. I worry about her having abandonment issues too because when she was a newborn I had postpartum so severe that I was hospitalized a lot and just completely unable to be 100% involved like I was with my son. But I think that has a lot to do with the guilt that we probably feel for not being able to be at our best for our kids. But its the best we could be at that point. Just try to remember that you got your younger one here safe and healthy and that you gave your daughter a sibling that she will grow up with and share amazing memories with. She will get through this. It is a stage. And at this age, it is typical for them to be clingy. Try to hang in there and take every opportunity to show her she is special. Especially when the younger one is napping. A year from now it will be completely different. Stay Strong!

One thing to do is make sure you have the older one some 1:1 attention. For example going to the park, lunch/dinner date. Icecream. Make it time for just DD. Mine are 20 months apart. My ODD tried to stomp on DS on several occasions. She reverted to not talking, then all she wanted was to be treated like a baby. And to top it off DS was hospitalized 2 times before 8 weeks old for more than a week each time. During that time I was with DS almost 24 hours a day. When my mom gave me a chance to go home and see my daughter she would have nothing to do with me scream run away and only daddy could tend to her. Plus it was like bringing home a new baby 3 different times.

It does get easier. Just know it is ok to let the LO fuss while you show your DD some attention.. She will learn that the LO is not number one.

No advice, but sorry youre going through this! I've been taking care of other babies since my DD was only 3 months old so she KNOWS that she HAS to "share" me!! I just found out I'm pregnant again so I think b/c she's so used to it by now she will do great- not sure what I would do if that weren't the case! Hugs!

I know you probably worked hard to get rid of the pacifier and bottle, but if thats what she wants, thats what I woudl give her. She wont use them forever. When you make a bottle for new LO, make one for Jan LO. When baby gets a pacifier, she gets one too. She needs to be able to regress to be able to handle the progressive behavior of managing jealousy so let her. She will soon discover that big girl cups flow faster, she can't talk with the pacifier very well and you will be spending special time with just her. she is still a baby too, so if she wants to act like one for a while, then i would let her. (Advice that my family therapist childhood development psychologist mother gives to people all the time.)

Annie was 20 months when Luke came, and she was very jealous. At every opportunity she'd cry "baby bye bye" and "all done baby". She would cry and try to climb on my lap when I was nursing him and was generally very needy and clingy. I look back at the pictures of her at that age and she really was just a baby herself. I guess in hindsight what I can say is that we smothered her with love, involved her in everything we did, and made sure she had 1:1 time. Every month got a little better. Fast forward to now, and those two are inseparable. Best friends. It is so nice because they can play together while I do something else. If for some reason I have one of them alone, they look lost. Take heart, and take one day at a time.

Oh, and as for wanting to have and do everything the baby does, Annie still does that. She went back to wanting a binkie, and wanting me to baby her. I indulge her, because her stronger need to "do it myself" and "be a big girl" takes over before long.

So focus more on DD? The Jan 2012 LO? I've heard the opposite....to focus on the baby when hes upset and if older LO is too then she needs to wait until his needs are met. I feel horrible now.... Is she gonna be ok??

They both need you. It's tough. Yes, the older one can wait a little longer than the newborn, but not much. When the newborn is down, give the older one full attention. Laundry and cleaning can wait.

A God-send for me when Luke was a newborn was a Moby Wrap, and then when Luke got older, an Ergo carrier. I was able to keep him bundled up close to me, and still have both hands free for Annie. They both got what they needed.