Sex Addictions/fetish addiction

PHcomments wrote at 2007-06-21 16:24:31
While most likely accurate in theory, the answer leaves this questioner wondering, "so?" I myself have an intense pantyhose addiction and, while I agree that it is a fetish developed from a misdirected association to some stimuli at an early age, it does not necessarily have to become problematic. Contrary to what Derek suggested, this is where self control must be applied. That does not mean you should attempt what at this point may be futile - doing it on your own without counseling (and perhaps even the use of SSRI's/SNRI's). But you can have bi-daily counseling and take antidepressants until the cows come home and they will be of no benefit absent your own will power and dedication. At the end of the day it comes down to your own control over the addiction (albeit through the help of a good therapist and possibly even a prescription).

This does not mean you need to eradicate the fetish (e.g., determing what its root cause was, understanding that cause and deciding you no longer "need" it). The fact is, the fetish (because it arose before your sexual activity) has always been present in your sexual impressions and your sex life. Your goal, however, should be to reduce its strength down to a shy fetish rather than an addictive disorder that disturbs your ability to perform your life in a normal fashion (e.g., making you late for work or unproductive while there because of a constant obsession to view pantyhose fetish material on the internet). What would be ideal, would be for you to reduce the fetish down to mere taste or a "turn on."

Pantyhose fetish is the most popular fetish in the world. Indeed, it consumes a bulk of the revenue derived from the internet pornography market. The reason for this is not only how common the fetish is, but that the pantyhose fetishist is often much more consumed by it than viewers of "normal" pornography and even more than those that view other fetish pornography. Good luck.

wolfordguy wrote at 2007-08-18 02:49:30
This is most interesting ... I was doing a search on dealing with fetish as I too have been wallowing in dark days. I am also a nylon fetishist. Mine traces back to a very specific date as a child and has been fairly innocent most of my life but slowly, over time it has developed to a point of getting in the way of my normal life. I do not want to rid myself of my fetish ( I really do like pantyhose and tights!) I just want/have to/must reel it in and get control over it.

I had a bit of an epiphany when I first saw Cronenberg's 'Crash', released in the late 90's. It is a film that chronicles a man's rather morbid fetish of car crashes. Along the way, we meet many other characters who are turned on by various kinks. the part that I found most enlightening and disturbing at the same time was how a fetish 'grows'. What turned you on before doesn't seem to work the same way and so now you have to tweak it a bit to get that same rush; similar to how seasoned heroin addicts do doses that would have killed them when they first started the drug, a fetish works much the same way, I have discovered. I used to be content with looking at girls at car shows and having a pair of tights in my pocket, but now, well, I don't really need to go into it but it is a lot more involved than that.

I have done all the research; tried purging, going cold turkey, all of that stuff but it just comes back even stronger than before.

Now all I want to do is get it to a manageable level where it is not dominating my life.

Maybe I am just not busy enough!

It may be true that pantyhose is one of, if not the most popular fetish (there certainly is no shortage of the stuff online) but my own kink has grown and morphed into something that would make most Doms recoil in fear :)

I accept that I am going to need some outside help with this and so have actually taken some steps toward getting professional assistance.

I think I know what I need to do but having a 'coach' to help me might be just the thing.

I'll hold off on the drugs, castration and lobotomy for now.

I hope others will offer some insight to this thread.

Cheers,

W.

alaskandude wrote at 2007-11-02 23:15:10
I have the same addiction and have had since I was little. As to the cure, I have no idea. willpower only works for so long and then no more. My wife wears pantyhose on occasion but takes them off when we have sex, she has left them on for me a few times but not in a long while. Reading the bible and trying to live without a vice has helped me. All I can say is keep busy and try to resist going on line at work to look. Talk to your wife about it and try to get her to understand what you are going through. Other than that I know how you feel and so do many people, you not alone.

mallitaswolford wrote at 2008-01-09 04:48:08
It's good to hear that many people has the same fetish, as for me it developed since I was 5 years old as a game when I tried on my grandmother's pantyhose.

Nowadays I can say that I feel very comfortable wearing wolford's magic touch 12 everyday and I know that wearing pantyhose doesn't take your manhood away. In fact all my girlfriends have liked the way my legs look in pantyhose and they think of it as erotic.

Mark wrote at 2008-08-01 05:10:27
I also feel the same. Going since I've been four, before kindergarten. Tried it on for curiosity as a toddler. I will never forget the rush it gave me. Not know what to do, I put them down. Over time, I started to try if the rush and excitement would come back and it did. Over time this became an addiction. Gotta have it. I am middle aged and married for 20 years. My wife knows and disapproves. I can't get rid of it, but I can somewhat keep it at bay.

So what helps?

1) Seek excitement somewhere else.

2) Keep your mind busy with other things, exciting things.

3) tell yourself it's bad for you. It is because it eats up your brain power.

4) Convince the wife that you want to have great sex, without them. Just go have great lustful sex. It's OK, it's in the holy matrimony.

5) go to church three times a week and read the bible. Really, this helped me as a youth before I got married. Seriously, no kidding.

FormerPHoser wrote at 2008-11-04 16:44:54
It is a amazing to hear that there a so many more people out there with the same addiction, as me. I agree with "Mark"--the keys to defeating this addiction is keep your brain busy, and try to seek spiritual counsel(if you are a believer-which I am). For roughly 10 years (1997 to 2007) pretty much my whole day revolved around thinking about pantyhose and related internet content. I have a job which allows me to get out of work hours earlier than my wife--that's where the trouble all started. It is said that idle hands are devil's workshop, and is that ever true. It seems all I ever did was view/download pantyhose related content from the internet, and order pantyhose videos from amateurs' sites in my free time. I had tons of stuff. All the while knowing that I had gone from mere fetishist to obsessed! I tried half-heartedly time after time to curb it, but to no avail. It wasn't until my wife developed a life-threatening illness that made me realize just how wrong my obsession had become and see what is really important. It was in the early days of her diagnosis that when we turned to the church--not trying to sound "preachy"--that I found the answer. Everyone has their own beliefs, and mine made it easier to rid myself of the fetish which I had allowed to corrode my life.It has been(at the time of this writing)one year and 4 months since I threw away anything I had pantyhose related and haven't been to any sites online. I do from time to time get really tempted to go online and "just get a quick shot", but haven't buckled. Thankfully my wife is doing great now and I am feeling like I have really defeated this.

LegMan70 wrote at 2010-08-25 21:46:25
I don't see it as an addiction or a fetish. I see it as a turn-on. For example... Some women like a guy in uniform, others maybe a suit or even a t-shirt and jeans.

Why because a guy admires a woman in pantyhose that it's an addiction or a fetish? If it's such an epidemic, then let's close all the Victoria's Secret and Fredericks stores that sell such apparel.

Would I like it if my wife wore hosiery ever day? Sure! Cuz it's sexy as hell. You could take a hot model with bare legs and a cute girl-next-door in hosiery and I think 80% of the male population would choose the girl next door. Hosiery on a woman will get a man's attention.

The fashionistas that say hosiery is out / bare legs are in haven't seen some of the nasty bare legs woman are exposing. Even if you have great legs, tan and blemish free, hosiery just enhances how great your legs are.

LegMan70 wrote at 2010-08-25 21:46:26
I don't see it as an addiction or a fetish. I see it as a turn-on. For example... Some women like a guy in uniform, others maybe a suit or even a t-shirt and jeans.

Why because a guy admires a woman in pantyhose that it's an addiction or a fetish? If it's such an epidemic, then let's close all the Victoria's Secret and Fredericks stores that sell such apparel.

Would I like it if my wife wore hosiery ever day? Sure! Cuz it's sexy as hell. You could take a hot model with bare legs and a cute girl-next-door in hosiery and I think 80% of the male population would choose the girl next door. Hosiery on a woman will get a man's attention.

The fashionistas that say hosiery is out / bare legs are in haven't seen some of the nasty bare legs woman are exposing. Even if you have great legs, tan and blemish free, hosiery just enhances how great your legs are.

Bret Bowman wrote at 2011-07-29 05:52:00
I have to agree with LegMan70. I've had a fascination with pantyhose since at least fourth grade (10 years old). That's just my earliest recollection, but I'm firmly convinced it's been my whole life. I just recall noticing how attractive my fourth grade teacher's legs look in pantyhose. It was her first year as a teacher and she dressed very nicely every day.

I'm pretty open about the fetish now. I don't advertise it on a billboard, but feel fairly comfortable talking to just about anyone about it. I was married for over 11 years before my ex-wife took off with our four children telling me God told her to leave me because of the pantyhose "sexual addiction". I agree with LegMan70 that people conveniently call something an addiction so that they can feel justified in the hatred and intolerance they feel in their heart toward you because of your fetish.

I also agree that bare legs do not look nor feel near as nice as pantyhose clad legs. My ex-wife would wear them often when we would have sex and would occasionally wear them to church and/or around the house, but I believe that she just become very selfish at one point and stopped wearing them completely.

This was discouraging to me and as she become more and more judgmental toward me, because of the fetish, I began to take her harsh judgment toward me very personal. It hurt my self-esteem, my feelings of self-worth and I began to adopt her same unrighteous judgment toward myself.

I began to blame the fetish myself for her lack of love toward me. If anyone is allowed to blame their "choice" to restrict or withhold their love on someone else, then they have no control of their own being... and this is contract to most religious teachings.

If there is ONE thing that I have learned from the life and example of Jesus Christ it is THIS: Even if YOU 'could' live YOUR life PERFECTLY! There will STILL be those who (because of what THEY are) will find fault with you and judge you unrighteously, so that they can justify their anger and hatred toward you and 'crucify you' (figuratively speaking in your case, literally speaking in the case of Jesus Christ).

I've read the book "The Four Agreements" by Don Miguel Ruiz a few times and it has truly helped me to not take anything personally. I am a pretty avid wearer of pantyhose, but I do NOT view pornography or engage in masturbation. I do LOVE the way pantyhose feel to wear and they way they both look and feel on women's legs. I have purchased quite a few pair of L'eggs Sheer Energy pantyhose (my favorite brand) in suntan and nude. Usually when Walgreens has them buy 1 get 1 free (half price).

I have a little bit of hope of finding a young beautiful women who is the kind of human being that will love and accept me for who I am, without demanding or requiring that I change to be what SHE wants me to be.

I've determined that is the quality of love that I want to receive from a woman. After a painful divorce filled with hatred from by ex-wife and many members of my church (LDS church) including local church leaders, I've determined that being married isn't worth it to be with someone who will love me "conditionally" based on if I allow her and/or my church leaders to manipulate me and tell me that I'm NOT worthy of love from my spouse unless I allow her to control and manipulate me and/or become what SHE wants me to be.

I truly believe in being our truest selves. I do not believe that God hates people who appreciate the beauty or feeling of pantyhose. They really are amazingly beautiful on women's legs and they feel absolutely incredible.

I don't support viewing pornography or masturbation, but feel that basing your self-worth on whether or not you appreciate the look and feeling of pantyhose is kind of ridiculous. Too many people look to other (imperfect) human beings to gauge their self-worth. I've determined that I will NO longer engage this ridiculous practice. I can feel the love and acceptance of God as I pour my heart out to Him every morning and evening in prayer and those who justify or rationalize withholding or restricting their love toward you because of your fetish, really only hurt themselves.

The truest happiness is realizes when your love for others flows completely unrestricted. If you restrict your own love from flowing FROM your heart TO others, you only hurt yourself. True happiness does NOT come from acceptance of others or receiving love from others, but from sending it out to others and accepting others "as they are" without conditions. This is how GOD loves and He has achieved a FULLNESS OF JOY in loving in this way.

I hope that this helps increase your feelings of self-worth. I believe that is the message God would give you if He were typing this post. Please feel free to email me (xeonbret@yahoo.com) if I can offer any help to any of you.

A brother in Christ,

Bret Bowman

whatever wrote at 2011-12-17 18:59:48
Yep, same issue. I will not even look at a woamn who does not wear them.

Ihatemyfetishes wrote at 2012-05-21 22:32:08
I have several fetishes, and I'm sick and tired of them. I like women who smoke, I like their cough--smoker's cough I mean. I love it. I love women's feet, alway's have, I'm obsessed with touching them. I also like bigger women. Not huge women, but I dig a woman with some heft and roles and stretchmarks!! Yes! Cellulite please.

It's sick. Its had control of me for far too long, and thank God my wife knows and will participate to a certain extent, but it doesn't stop. I asked her to gain weight, and she did! Then she got a little depressed and wanted to lose the weight, and I begged her not to. Its like I NEED these things to be turned on. I hate it. I don't know what to do. Normal people don't think like I do.

Atheist wrote at 2012-07-30 18:09:58
Sorry for the bad English. Its not my native language

Pantyhose fetish is probably one of the most harmless and widespread fetishes in the world. I'm also a pantyhose fetishist. Wearer and admirer. The word addiction is a very negative term so I wouldn't use it. I would rather use the word passion. I don't have negative experiences with my passion. I truly enjoy it and it doesn't interfere with my life more than a football championship interferes with the life of football fan. I know certain people that are oddly obsessed with sports for example. But we certainly don't call them addicts that need professional help. I guess this has something to do with overall political incorrectness of sex which is deeply woven into our society. Thats why we call football addicts fans, and pantyhose fetishists, perverts.

Every human being has a right to enjoy anything he has a passion for, as long as it doesn't harm others. The pantyhose fetish doesn't even harm the person itself. Consuming pantyhose porn is no more harmful than consuming any other form of useless entertainment, including soap operas. Some people watch TV all day and still we don't call them perverts.

One thing I noticed about the pantyhose fetishist is that they feel guilty because of cultural disapproval of such behavior. Its a guilt that comes from doing things that culture and religion considers weird, at least to say. People that seek professional help to purge their fetish, do that because it interferes with their religious beliefs and the beliefs of their family. Since this fetish is wired within our mind from early age and not a mater of choice, trying to get rid of it only creates frustration. It is much easier to get rid of your puritanical beliefs and distance yourself from people that think you need proff. help. If a wife files a divorce because God told her that you are a pervert, than doesn't mean you need to change your "perverted software". All you need to do is find a partner that doesn't have a problem with that. It is simply who you are.

I was dating a few girls that disproved such fetish and didn't wanted to have anything with it. But I have never, ever considered changing myself to fit into their narrow image of the world. I broke up with them and later on I decided that being comfortable with a pantyhose fetish was a prerequisite for choosing a partner. Thatch how I found a girl that enjoys wearing pantyhose. So if you are a pantyhose fetishist and you suffer because your partner thinks its a perversion, than you probably suck at pursuing happiness.

At the end, even sexologists claim - Fetishist enjoy sex to greater extent than non-fetishist.

Dunno wrote at 2012-09-25 05:09:49
I think the whole term 'fetish' is wrong. It just sounds so evil. I can remember having a pantyhose fetish for my whole life and only now is it really manifesting itself - I am not addicted or weird - I love wearing them. I could wear them all day. Nobody I know knows about this because my whole family is pretty intolerant of stuff like this - for a fact, I am also heterosexual. By no means do I think about this all the time, I don't think it is evil, but it gets strong sometimes because I have to hide it all the time! I am really frustrated with society because they label us normal people as weird because we love a leg garment because of its appearance/feeling to us. People need to be more accepting of other people. It isn't a strange fetish like others, it is Perfectly Normal and becoming more common. Society needs to wake up. Until then, we have to hide it or take risks being honest.

phlover wrote at 2014-10-28 18:46:48
if you were a women with a fetish for wearing mens clothes there would be nothing said !but if you are a man with a pantyhose fetish hell brakes lose!i have the same fetish!and have seen dozens of therapist three psychiatrists one sex therapist and fell in depression three years till i fond a therapist that said you do not have a problem you just have an obsession with wearing pantyhose that just needs to be rained in a little !bottom line is she told me im (normal) that helped with the depression she said there is nothing wrong with you you just need to be respectful of others (like wife)ask her how much time is reasonable for fetish and make schedule and stick to it! hope this helps and remember if a man wants to wear pantyhose he can as long as your not hurting your self or hurting anyone else you do not need mental help! and for society its "just clothing" ps my wife was like yours at first until we got education now we both wear pantyhose in spare time at home

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