a miracle of planning July 15, 2009

My branch of CorporateSpeak is shooting a commercial in a few weeks. The premise is a complete rip-off of the Verizon “all those people are your network” spot. This is an example of one:

Apparently it’s been decided that these commercials are so effective that we have to do our own version. Okay, fine, I get it: imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

Just one problem:

It’s been abominably hot in parts of the United States this summer, including the state where I live and work. The summer heat is the worst during the middle of the day, just after noon, and stays ridiculous until about 6:30. The commercial shoot has been scheduled for 1:30pm (be there at 1:15pm) in the parking lot.

Which is outside. In the heat. In the sun. Surrounded by trees, so there’ll be less wind.

Oh, and the shoot is an hour and a half in length.

Now, I know why they planned it for that time: it gets the most people in overlapping shifts to show up and pretend to be part of a network of people that are working for you. However, it’s going to be ruinous out there. I guarantee at least one person passes out from heatstroke. I guarantee sunscreen will not be provided. I guarantee refreshments will not be provided. Our company — locally and nationally — is hemorrhaging money. I don’t know where they found the money to shoot and produce a commercial.

But I do know this: no matter how great the commercial turns out, the entire company will be hot, tired, stinky, and pissed off that they wasted 90 minutes of their time out in the parking lot, sweating their asses off for a company that just cut their pay by up to 10 percent.