Breakfast of Champions (UPDATED)

Dear Leader Steve Evans has been griping INCESSANTLY to the BCC backlist this morning over how I was mean to him when he tried to explain that he has a tummy ache. In the nature of transparency and to set the record straight, I provide the details on our conversation, unedited:

Steve: I would like to tell you about my breakfast this morning.
Sent at 9:16 AM on Tuesday

Scott: i am listening

Steve: it started off as a collection of dried fruits and nuts.

Scott: Read: Granola Bar

Steve: no — prunes, apricots, cherries and almonds
Then I noticed that I brought a bag of cookies with me to work.
Then I noticed that I brought a bag of cookies with me to work.
So those went. Three cookies.
Then I saw that I had a half a family sized bag of Fritos in my office
and now I don’t feel so good.

Scott: Fritos are gross, man
I can’t believe you bought a family sized bag.

Steve: not when you have chili for lunch
they are a decent side with chili

Scott: chili + fritos = lifetime supply of sodium

Steve: what I’m saying here is that I need some compassion.

Scott: you’re going to be really farty too
so let’s see here: Fruit, nuts, cookies (what kind?), fritos.
BREAKFAST OF CHAMPIONS MY FRIEND
did you wash it all down with a diet croak?

Steve: crystal light lemonade

Scott: excellent. it’s important to keep the calories down.

Steve: I believe in Crystal Light

Scott: imagine the tie-in sales of rebooting a classic film: Dark Crystal (Light)
like a black raspberry flavor, maybe. A picture of skeksis on the tube of powder packets.

I don’t get the Fritos animus. I don’t like eating them plain (except for breakfast, apparently) but Frito Pie is a national treasure along with Nic Cage movies and NASCAR. Meanwhile, good luck coming up with a Gelfling flavor drink that isn’t nasty.

Scott, I guess that is the difference between a friend and a stranger. If you had a tummy ache from eating too many cookies and fritos for breakfast, do you think a friend would take the resulting conversation and post it up on the internet? Well?? Do you???