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Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

"Darling, I don't mean to criticize - because I appreciate your ordering the shower cake, I really do. It's just that...well...I asked you to get a baby basket."

"And I'm just not sure this is conveying the right message.

"No, dear, it will not be fine; now it looks like we're hosting a baby funeral!

"Hm? Well, what about your cupcakes? How are they supposed to help?"

"Aaaaauuugghh!

"Well, what did you expect me to say?!? Yes, I think everyone will 'get the visual', dear. That's the problem.

"Because it's gross, that's why!

"Now look, I need you to go back to the bakery - are you listening to me? - I need you to go back to the bakery, and get another cake. And remember: We are preparing for a new life. Happy, cheerful, life. We are avoiding death, mmkay? Got that? Good. Now hurry up; the party starts in an hour."

And speaking of which, if you live in Utah and are imagining all the events you could liven up with some gourmet vegan fetus-cupcakes, then you can order them here.(Uh, I don't think they call them fetus-cupcakes, though. And please don't tell them I sent you. Heh.)

Responses in my head, in order of appearance:1. Seriously? Frosting on a baby casket, seems morbid and unbalanced...oh, wait, it's a "cake."2. Ew. Gross. Ew, ew, ew EW. (cheeks puff out, slight urping noise, taste of vomit in back of mouth) Eeewwwwwww.....3. What the F---?!!! Why am I even surprised? Where's the coffee?

I can usually figure out what the "professional" baker is going for, no matter how poorly executed (pun intended), but I am at a loss this time! What could the first cake have been other than a casket? A headstone? Is that better?

The cupcake seems a bit morbid, but I worry more about the choking hazard...who expects plastic babies in a cupcake?

Is the third cake one cake!? Again, I am at a loss. I would love to hear the story behind these!

Wreckorators of the world-Just because you can, doesn't mean you should. The first and third cakes...well, just oh dear.What a terrible tribute to the miracle of birth. Those "afterbirth cupcakes" are foul. Seriously? Placenta?

I'm expecting my first child (due in Jan) and I love most of the creepy baby shower cakes you've featured....however, I have to say that the baby casket and the last "celebrating life...avoiding death" cake is a bit much. What was that baker thinking? "No...no need to clarify, I'm sure this is what the hostess wanted". Yikes!

Ok, so the cupcake, I thought I had a twisted sense of humor, but that just brings it to new lows. To me it says: "Here, we're going to give you a glimpse of childbirth, in a cupcake, complete with realistic bloody goo". What is wrong with people??

And the 3rd one, I'm at a loss, I'm curious as to the intended purpose. Did someone have a combined baby shower/funeral?

I think the vegan fetus cupcake is probably the single most disgusting thing I've ever seen, and I watch those parasitology TV shows for fun! I went to that vegan baker's website and they have the audacity to say they use "butter cream frosting". HAHAHA! Seriously? Vegan butter cream? Talk about irony there, Jen!

WV: ungrat - onomatapeia for the sound I made when I saw that cupcake.

My brain refuses to accept that theses could be real. Oh, dear God...I think the worst part is people ordered these! The first one could be all the wreckorater's fault. But someone said "Hey, you know what would be great? Cupcakes that gave birth! Yum!" Oh, and the last one....I don't even have words. Wow...

It looks like the cupcakes could be a variation of the King's cake game, which I know is popular in New Orleans because of Mardi Gras. I know a fair amount of Greek and Serbian folks who make King's cake for Epiphany, too, so I don't think it's just a Creole or bayou thing.

A King's cake has an object baked into it, traditionally a bean, though I've also seen marshmallows, jellybeans, plastic babies, and small crosses used (depending on the baker's fondness for choking hazards). Whoever finds it in their slice is the king or queen of the festival (in my case, a church Epiphany potluck) and has to make next year's cake.

I've heard that the plastic baby represents Jesus (which makes sense for Epiphany but not Mardi Gras), but I've also heard that it started when a New Orleans bakery ran out of beans and started sticking tiny kewpie dolls in their King's cakes instead. I don't want to know why they had so many of those lying around they could start a whole freakin' tradition...

King's cupcakes do seem like a convenient update, but I think that if you insist on strawberry filling, opt for the bean.

I know that our local bakery tapes the tiny plastic baby to the side of the box of the king cake in order to avoid the choking lawsuit -you place it where you want in the cake before you serve it! Man is that scary.

I have a theory for the last one. It's an evil joke-cake for a pregnant woman whose baby shower coinsides with her 40th birthday. That's just cruel. Imagine the hormone-induced wrath one would face for presenting the preggo with that cake!

If it weren't for the hysterical running commentary I would have been outraged and nauseated... But because of the imagined dialogue I nearly snarfed my coffee. Congratulations! Proof that the written word still matters!

Yeeeeoookay, look. Cake is meant to be the last bastion of HAPPY in the world. When you come home from a long day at the wage-slave cube farm, finish reading the papers about the death of the economy and the fact that you will NEVER EVER get to retire, not EVER; when you've paid your bills out of the freshly-deposited paycheck and realize that you will be eating ramen for the next two weeks...

At the end of all that, there should be CAKE (glory-noise SFX)--the final remnants of purity and pure JOY in the world.

These cakes? There ain't no joy in these cakes. There's not even any joy in the same ZIP CODE as these cakes. These, in fact, do not qualify as cakes--they are malevolent, saddening imposter-creatures. And that cup"cake"--no matter WHAT the "explanation" might be--is unconscionable. That is a large order of EEEEWWWW, with a side of BLARGHHHHH.

Now, having said that...Can anyone else admit the possiblity that the last cake is really TWO SEPARATE, unrelated cakes in very close proximity? I'm reaching here, I realize, but in the absence of a logical explanation, my mind reaches for the next best thing.

(That cupcake....maaan. Did I mention "EEEEEEWWWWWWW"? I did? Well, consider this a reminder, or something---EEEEEEEEWWWWWW.)

I simply can't believe anyone would be so tasteless (pardon the pun) as to make cakes like that. Who hears "baby casket" and feels good about themselves writing congratulations on it. I couldn't have done it, even if it was for a paying job. WHY didn't it occur to the bakery to inquire again if that was really what was ordered? Basic common sense!

I do find the cupcake funny, but only for a Halloween party. And that last cake is just the height of horror. Are they effing serious? H-O-R-R-I-B-L-E !!!

Okay, it wasn't just my eyes, that I saw a pink coffin or a pink graveyard. Good, that my phantasies didn't fool me, but the cake is still creepy. The "pro-life"-cupcake is extremly creepy. And dangerous. Imagine, someone swallow this plastic baby. I mean, in the worst case scenario you can truly say: "A new life doesn't avoid dead." And that is a good lead to the third cake. This is creepy and unlogic. Have you ever heard, that someone stopped dying because a baby was born??? Or didn't I understand the secret logic behind that. I mean, I am a foreigner. Maybe it is a common term in the U.S.A. that I just don't know?

K the last cake made me laugh so hard. I could not imagine having that at a baby shower. The first on was akward and I agree with the other posts you think they would check these things. Ans the cupcake words fail me.....

I think the cupcake is an arrangement, a custom made bad joke. The victim places the fork into the wreck to be... (surpriiiise!), an idiot comes out of somewhere laughing insanely: Just kiddin, just kiddin...(mmmmuaa-ha-ha-ha-haaaaa)[snif-snif]...gimme a hug (aaaaaaaa-hahahaha-mmmmuu-huhu-hahaha-...haaa..!)say hello to the camera sweetie.(captures kodak moments)...Larry you can bring the caaaaaake!!

By the way, number 1 should be in the cover of a CD featuring the single Gothic Pinata Cake.

Wow. What on EARTH were those wreckerators thinking??? There's no way they can pass that first one off as anything BUT a pink coffin (hostess was ticked at the mother-to-be, perhaps?). The fetus cupcakes could have been cute if they'd made the filling pretty much ANY other color (I'm from Mardi Gras country, so I got the idea). The last one, though, baffles me. My parents lumped my brother's Christening and their marriage vow renewal into one lovely ceremony and had one cake (lemon--no specific theme), but I can't think of any combination of parties that would lead to that monstrosity!!! And, of course, someone gets a piece with baby head on it. That's appetizing. Yeesh...

I'm thinking the cupcake, however disturbing, might have just been an unintended wreck. Maybe they just ordered strawberry filled cupcakes and wanted to add the traditional Mardi Gras baby everyone keeps mentioning. Not realizing what the end result would look like.

I'm a little skeptical about the authenticity of the cupcake. There is nothing on the bakery's website to indicate that they made or sell the cupcake with the baby in it. In fact, it looks like a decent bakery. I'm wondering if the baby wasn't added later after the cupcake came home.

A few years ago my then roommate and I made a Cthulu jello mold for a Halloween party, and in each of his tentacles we had a little plastic baby. We made a sign to put next to the dish that warned against eating the babies, but it just maked the dish that much funnier. It was the hit of the party! Our friends still bring it up at ever Halloween party since.

I'm so gonna have to make those cupcakes this year!

The first cake is just hilarious, but the last one is totally creepy. 0_o

Unfortunately, this post is just more proof in my theory that baby shower cakes are the most twisted, evil things on the planet.

I think it was the moment of shocked understanding coming so suddenly, but the cupcake made me laugh HARD -- harder than I have in quite awhile. Now that I've read the rest of the comments, most from the horrified camp, I'm beginning to think there's something wrong with me.

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! What was anyone thinking having a baby body inside a cake? That's not cute, that's not even vaguely related to a good idea.

Dear Anonymous, July 24th is Pioneer Day, celebrated in Utah & Idaho. If you had ancestors who died in starving frozen chunks crossing the plains in the dead of winter to avoid being tarred and feathered by their own countrymen, you'd celebrate, too.

Any-whoo, totally disturbing entry, Jen...and seriously, let us know what the deal is with that last cake, cuz OMG...

So, not only do the cupcakes contain little plastic babies for the baby shower guests to choke on, they also have all that liquid red goo that will make everyone's nice party dress look like they have been coughing up blood!Runny fillings in cupcakes is a no-no!

for CW#1, I am just choosing to believe that this is a congratulatory cake for the #1 female casket salesperson at the Happy Times Mortuary. Obviously a full-size casket replica would be an overabundance of cake; hence, the miniature version -- not a casket for a baby, just a "baby-size" casket.

Or the wreckorator misread "basket" as "casket". Common error. Usually a result of coming into the world in the form of: bleeding cupcake.

@blueraindrop: Thanks for posting the link to Faith Hope's blog. I have been introduced to more amazing folks through Cakewrecks, which is very interesting indeed. Faith Hope and sweet baby James are probably having a great time playing together in Heaven.

This comment brought to you by all the prior comments that intrigued me enough to comment.

The last cake would have been decent if it hadn't insisted on taking a Halloween graveyard scene on one side. Or pink, mutated, lady bugs infesting the other.

Okay, so the sentiment could have been nice if it hadn't been done in such a haphazard way. Because if you've found there's something physically wrong with your child and there is a doubt of the birth going well I can see wanting to reflect as much on the centerpiece a.k.a. the cake.

I can't see it wanting to be done in such a rudimentary, hapless sort of way. Because, really, all the second half of the cake needs is bats and a yellow moon.

And if it is, indeed, for a mother pregnant with an anencephalic baby...well, tasteful would be a helpful adjective for constructive criticism. A tombstone? Really?

My word verification looks to be parwe. As in these cakes didn't make PAR so WE quit.

On my screen, that cupcake goo is vaguely orange. Aah, I said, so that's where carrot-riding mohawk babies come from! They are born bald, and brought down to us by sweetly frosted cupcake angels. The carrot puree is obviously for comfort in transit.... musta been a bumpy landing though :)

I'm surprised no one has suggested it yet...judging by the crucifix and the word "Congratulations," I think #1 may be a First Communion cake (or maybe confirmation?) I haven't been inside a Catholic church in a long time, but don't they store the communion bread and wine in a little shrine thing? The cake may be that instead of a coffin.

#2 is probably someone's idea of a morbid joke. I know plenty of people who would think it's funny. I've never seen a King Cake made as a cupcake or with fruit filling. They're usually elliptical rings of cinammon dough with glaze and colored sugar on top.

I'm guessing #3 is either two cakes placed together for a funny photo or for someone who is both pregnant and has recently had a brush with death.

#1 might also be a poor attempt at making a Bible-shaped cake, if the "handles" on the side are meant to be pages or a book's binding. Either way, I prefer to think this is meant for a religious ceremony other than a funeral.

What you are thinking of is called a tabernacle and it looks *nothing* like that first cake, even though there are innumerable variations of form. (And as a side note, only the "communion bread" is reserved there, more correctly termed the Eucharist.)

I normally love this site, but as one who had a miscarriage and knows many other women who have lost babies, today's post struck me as a bit insensitive and just made me sad. Sorry to be Debbie Downer.

I come here to shake my head in wonder at the craziness that is our human imagination. It never fails to disappoint.

To those who say "this post was insenstive to women who've experienced miscarriage" folks, I think everyone here gets that. Indeed, with 25% odds of having a miscarriage, the likelihood that others here have experienced it is high. Jen is right in showing these because they are WRECKS. There very existance is insensitive, and if seeing them lined up here keeps some other baker from making these WRECKTASTIC choices, bring it on for us to openly ridicule, I say!

Thanks, Jen, for the continuing good work. These are, indeed, revolting!

For those of you who don't live in the south, here's a little background on the plastic baby. Yes, it is plastic, and no, it is not intended to be eaten. It is a cajun custom to hide a little plastic baby into a "King Cake" (you can Google that and see) at Mardi Gras time. Everyone knows it is there, so no one chokes on it because they are on the lookout. If I remember right, the baby is (or was originally) supposed to signify the baby Jesus? All I know is, in my family if you get the baby in the King Cake, you have to bring the King Cake next year.

Now, that being said.......what.the.hell??? What were these people thinking???? Ew!!

If you follow the myspace link given earlier for the vegan cupcakes and click through a bit, they also do a lovely line of vegan chocolate mint decorated with plastic green soldiers so maybe they have a thing for small chokables.

As to the third, the only possible explanation I can think of is someone is pregnant after cancer and being told they couldn't have kids. Even then, it's tasteless in the extreme!

I am hoping we can get an explanation of cake #3. The first 2 seem like regular goof-ups, but #3 looks like they got exactly what they ordered. One comment said that maybe a pregnant woman recently survived a life-threatening situation, so they were celebrating both. I think that's the most happy explanation we can hope for.

You know, I think all these insane baby shower cakes could be chalked up to the hormonal nuttiness surrounding childbearing. Some of us just plain go bonkers when we're pregnant, and I think it might be contagious. Obviously it must be, since there are people actually agreeing to make these cakes.

I come to this site to laugh when I'm down. This post I found to be insensitive. I am carrying to term a baby that will not live more than a few hours after birth. I know these were meant to be funny, but in this instance they are not.

Maybe the last one was for an office babyshower/"over the hill" b-day gathering similar to Ashley Glen's Eeyore Eagles b-day cake. But whatever the reason it has a fetus photo on it. CREEPY! Those sonograms are super weird on their own; slapping them on a cake makes it sooo much worse.

I am proud to say I am the "twisted mind" behind the baby goo cupcakes. Just to clarify... I own the bakery, and the cupcakes were for my baby shower and meant to be a fetus and the goo was meant to be blood. I did inform people that there were things inside to be aware of before consumption (to avoid chokings).

I'm really excited that so many people were so disturbed by them! I have also decided that "plastic babies" needs to be added to my list of fillings on the website, I have had a few people ask me to make them since the originals.

wow i am crying from laughing...!!!!#1- ummm weird and kind of morbid..#2- pretty funny if you have a twisted sense of humour..#3- HAHAHAHA so utterly ridiculous i cant even imagine the looks on the guests faces if this was brought out!!!

Maybe the 3rd cake was one of those cases where a couple has a second child with intentions of using cord blood stem cells to cure a disease in the first child? I know it's reaching, but that was all I could come up with in my active imagination.

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