The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012

How Bad Is The Weather?

While Britain is submerged under water in the wettest April since records began, the privatised water companies are still insisting that we are in the midst of a drought. Obviously that is not because of any real shortage of water - a glance out of the window nails that lie - so what is going on? In a word mismanagement or, if you prefer two words, incompetence by the water companies. Too busy stuffing their already bulging pockets with our money, they simply don't have the time to worry about the water supply or the inclination to invest in an infrastructure that is now groaning under the strain of neglect. Their explaination? It's the wrong kind of rain, at the wrong time and they lack the ability to cpature it efficiently. Still, its an ill-wind that doesn't blow anyone any good and the government has seized on the bad weather to explain away the disgraceful scenes at our airports. "Clearly there have been some queues over recent days, caused by a number of factors including late planes and changes of schedules," a Downing Street spokesman told us all. "The Border Force has enough personnel," Theresa May insists, "and this has nothing to do with the hundreds or redundancies I've inflicted on the service. If these people would simply work 25 hours a day for 8 days a week there wouldn't be a problem. Unfortunately its a well know fact that British workers are bone-idle and should all be shot."