Let the Internet of Things Spice Up Your Love Life

February 9, 2016

9:00 pm

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The Internet of Things (IoT) has invaded nearly every aspect of our lives. So this Valentine’s Day spice things up with that special someone by bringing a new, high tech and networked connected device into the bedroom.

BLUEMOTION

Since you probably didn’t make it through Valentine’s Day dinner without looking at your phone (which according to psychologists is NOT good for your IRL relationships… but doggone it, what do they know, #amiright?), you might as well make your phone part of the fun.

Meet BLUEMOTION by OhMiBod. These vibrating panties are controlled by an app on your phone.

The app allows one partner to control the panties’ vibrations up to 30 feet away – meaning looking at your phone can now be considered foreplay!

To unlock more from your new favorite excuse for why you were staring at a phone screen all night, BLUEMOTION has an in-app purchase option to enable Wi-Fi control, which allows one partner to control the vibes from anywhere in the world.

RealTouch

For those who want more than just tingling undies and sadly aren’t able to be with their lover this Valentine’s Day, RealTouch is here to lend a helping hand… er, um, synthetic genitals, to be more accurate.

RealTouch has two internet connected parts; a JoyStick (also known as a disco stick, or dildo with sensors), and a device that mimics a vagina. The device transfers the actions felt by the “JoyStick” to whatever member someone may choose to place in the fake kitty.

If you don’t have a lover from afar you can also hire a cam girl to ride your JoySick and experience everything she’s doing (this seems to be the primary business model of real touch). Someday I’m sure someone will integrate this with virtual reality headsets in a last ditch effort to save the dying porn industry.

LovePLAZ

Like Real Touch ZEUS’S & HERA’S by LovePLAZ caters to long distance lovers. LovePALZ makes interconnected sex toys. Their devices can be purchased in pairs, which are connected with each other. The device “senses” what you are doing and transmits that data to your partner’s device, creating what the company calls a “personalized experience”.

Not to add privacy concerns to the holiday of romance, but “personalized experience” is exactly what advertisers want to give you. I can only imagine how your sex toy data will someday be used for marketing. Think about it, you’re playing with your favorite networked toy and bam! The next ad you see will be for personal lubricant, because now the Internet of Things knows your most intimate needs.

Pillow Talk

If you and your special someone want to cuddle after a night of remote-controlled lovin’, there’s a pillow with your lover’s heartbeat to replicate that most intimate of moments. Pillow Talk by Little Riot works with a wristband that picks up your heartbeat and sends it, in real time, to your loved one. They can listen to your heartbeat in their pillow, and you can hear theirs.

Pillow Talk may not be as sexy as the other apps, but it is sweet. And after writing the word “JoyStick” several times I deserve to add something a bit saccharine to this post. You know, for balance!

Good luck trying the Internet of toys and don’t let anyone shame you for bringing new tools to the bedroom. After all we’ve been using technology to get our groove on for centuries. Header Photo by stokpic (Pixabay) – Other photos from the manufacturers websites.

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Mason is a marketing and product development consultant as the founder of Push ROI he helps companies with SEO, PPC, analytics solutions, conversion rate optimization & user experience. Mason's past client work has included COVERGIRL, Chevy & Bud Light to name a few.