Someone is Trying to Brew Vagina Beer.

Honestly, someone is actually trying to brew Vagina Beer. A company called “The Order of Yoni” is seeking funding for the brewing of the “first beer with vaginal lactic acid in the world”.

I think there might be a reason why no-one’s done it before.

Firstly, it’s using vaginal fluids, put aside any opinions you have on the vagina – you may like them, hate them, possess one – there are just some things that shouldn’t be done, and scraping out a woman’s “vaginal lactic acid” so you can use it to brew some beer is one of them. Secondly, just no.

The world had already had enough of this type of bollocks when someone started making cat shit coffee and sold it for £45 a cup. This isn’t however, the first time someone’s decided they’re bored of making beer in the “conventional” way. Rouge Ales decided to make a “Beard Beer” made with yeast grown in the master brewer’s own beard. Mikkeller Beer uses weasel shit. Dock Street Brewing co made a beer brewed with goat brains. Rocky Mountain Oyster Stout uses bull testicles.

It’s time to draw the fucking line.

Stop looking for “weird and wonderful” ways to brew beer, in particular don’t use bodily fluids.

As if this was’t enough, they’ve arrogantly bulldozed their marketing campaign and their website has been written by someone with the largest chip on his shoulder i’ve ever seen.

It’s obviously written by someone who doesn’t possess English as their native language, that’s fine. That’s perfectly ok. But, still…

So, do they think this could be seen as disrespectful to woman?

Oh, ok. You are forgiven.

Ok, so you’ve said it’s completely not disrespectful. We’ll have to take your word for it.

There’s a model?

…right…

Oh jesus…

I know what you mean.

I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN.

This guy is slaying it out there.

Big up dat respek 2016.

I would have loved to have been in the room when it was decided this would be a good idea:

1: So, I’ve been thinking of an idea for some unique beer!
2: Go on…1: Well, what are the two things we all love?!
2: A nice tie and some apple crumble?1: Vaginas and Beer!
2: Where’s this going?1: Let’s brew beer using vaginal fluids!
2: That sounds genuinely disgusting.1: But it’s vaginas and beer!
2: Doesn’t it seem a bit… disgusting?1: People love vaginas and beer!
2: It seems very sexist and unnecessary.1: We’ll just tell people it’s not.
2: Are you going to make sure it’s not sexist?1: Of course! I’ve done some research, we’ll call it “The Order of Yoni” because Yoni is the Hindu word for Vagina and that obviously shows we respect the Vagina and all who possess them, and we’ll vehemently tell people that we are not sexist!
2: Sounds solid so far.How will we get the vaginal fluids?1: We’ll use a beautiful, intelligent model to symbolise that we value both brains and looks, but we’ll make sure to tell people we will be heavily punishing whores and porn actresses because we don’t want to seem sexist or unsafe!
2: And we’ll advertise it correctly?1: Of course!
2: We’re going to be rich.

Ladies and Gents. I present to you: Bottled Instinct by The Order Of Yoni. Totes respectful and hasn’t been near a prostitute. For your peace of mind.