Live Poll: Grief, Death, and Loss

Grieving is the outward expression of your loss. Your grief is likely to be expressed physically, emotionally, and psychologically. For instance, crying is a physical expression, while depression is a psychological expression. It is very important to allow yourself to express these feelings. Often, death is a subject of movies.

Well, Redford's masterpiece is there... and in the Top 5 at that, so kudos for including it.My candidate is a criminally underrated Italian gem named "Misunderstood":

A 'misunderstood' gem, not as classic as "Bicycle Thief" but as emotionally devastating... maybe more...ElMaruecan8222 August 2016

"It's not easy being a son"

These are the words Michael had to Fredo in "The Godfather Part II" and if there ever is a movie, fittingly an Italian one, that expressed to the fullest how tragically misunderstood a son can be by his father, it's Luigi Comencini's 1966 "Il Incompresso" or "Misunderstood".

I'm recollecting the two movies because I discovered them at the same time, 23 years ago during an Italian-themed month on TV during which Italian as much as Italian-American classics were aired, and while I wasn't mature enough to get into the "Godfather" films, I remember discovering "Cinema Paradisio" and "Misunderstood". And ever since that day I saw it with my father and my grandmother, I never forgot how upsetting it was. I hate situations of misunderstandings, so I really got my share during the film, not that it prepared me well for the ending. Like another Italian masterpiece, "Bicycle Thief", a father-and-son relationships is the inspiration of an extraordinary tearjerker, this time set in a rich and wealthy background as if the theme transcended any cultural and social barriers.

And now that I saw the film again and that my tears dried, I'm realizing one thing, I was sad at the age of 11 because I constantly rooted for little Andrew, especially since I had a little brother too, but now, I sympathized with the father, maybe because I became one. Or because there might be something more tragic than being misunderstood by someone you love: it is misunderstanding the one you love. In fact, it's not easy to be a father either. And the tragedy of the father, Sir John Duncombe, an English diplomat in Florence, is that he didn't understand his son at the worst possible time, when he announces him that his mother is dead and takes his silence and absence of tears as toughness while the kid is devastated inside and only let it go in his father's absence.

But Cinema is a tricky medium, because you never see any real interaction between John and Andrew, John can only observe the troubles Andrew causes, and Andrew, no matter how hard he tries to please John, puts himself in worse situations. The judo scene is a brilliant and quite realistic example: resigned not to see his father, Andrew actually wins the match until his father's last-minute arrival distracts him and he's immediately defeated. This is Andrew's story in microcosm, because he can't communicate properly with his father, even the positive moments end with incidents. "Misunderstood" is the chronicle of this failure of communication and as viewers, we're put in an extremely uncomfortable position because we know the problem, and we wish they knew how easily they could be closer to each other.

Andrew is played by one-hit actor Stefano Colagrande and is absolutely heartbreaking in that role, trying to cope with the loss of his mother, the quest for understanding from his father, and a bratty little brother, Miles, played by Simone Giannozi. Miles obviously idolizes his big brother but is too young to 'understand', being in a constant need of a playmate so when he doesn't get what he wants, pull some capricious tantrums and puts his brother in difficult situations. Anthony Quayle displays some remarkable dignity as a quiet, decent fatherly figure trying to instill some adult maturity and responsibility to his older son, like any father. He's certainly not an antagonist, and perhaps as much a victim as Andrew, blinded by his judgment, overestimating the toughness of Andrew's heart while it's his most vulnerable spot.

And the mother is a memory that haunts the three of them, maybe the sole force to unify them. From this woman, only a recorded voice and a picture are left but the voice is erased when Andrew accidentally types on the wrong button causing his father to be more estranged to him. But the film relieves us from all this sadness and takes an interesting path when Uncle Will (John Sharp) comes. This is a pivotal character because he can see the father and the son separately, and the vulnerability of Andrew strikes him like a flash of light. He then gives a cynical yet wise advice to his brother: kids are like dogs, they need authority, don't tell your son you love him, have something to do with him. I mentioned Fredo Corleone, didn't he complain that he had nothing special to do?

And if there is one thing to learn from Luigi Comencini's film is that 'understanding' is perhaps more important than loving and respecting, both depend on understanding and without it, they're just empty shells. And how sad that a film delivering such a poignant and powerful message is not more known... 50 years after it was released, there is only one thread on IMDb, eleven reviews (well, twelve now) and zero critic on Rotten Tomatoes, I want to say this is as tragic as the story itself.

The Uncle visit pays off and things go well until the little brother's jealousy starts the tragic chain of event. Resigned about his status as the ugly duckling, alienating himself for his father's love and endangering his life more and more, Andrew's self-challenging habit to hang on a dead tree above a river ends in tragedy, forever wasting the opportunity of a magnificent reconciliation. It's not totally wasted as John, as if God wanted to give him and Andrew a break, gave them one last moment of complicity, and the object of this final intimate interaction is just so painful I can't even write it without feeling a pain in the chest. I just have that face of Anthony Quayle in mind, a poor man who realized his mistake when it was too late. There is no bad guy in the film, only misguided people.

From a tv special/ made for TV movie show, The House Without A Christmas Tree (1972). It is very tough to get through watching it specially after why the father is acting that way and why the House doesn’t have a Christmas tree for years is revealed. Jason Robarts at his best. It was how the story was told that fails.

Any Batman film deals with grief and loss. It is just a matter of which one has the best. My pick is one that I can’t remember the name of it but it has a dream sequence where the young Bruce Wayne is at the wake being held in Wayne manor and there to a book with pages flapping, and then he runs outside.

The brilliant film ”My Girl” deals with a range of emotions along with death and grief as Vada deals with the death of her friend and the belief that she thinks she killed her own mother in childbirth. Her father, a mortician and funeral director, is now just beginning to date again.

Both “Casper” and “Lady In White” have subplots dealing with death and grief.

I avoided "Batman" in my previous trauma-themed poll, less because it had no relevance (it actually had and what you're saying is right) but I'm not sure it would play fair against other dramas who built their popularity upon themes that are hardly cherished by modern audiences or mainstream cinema, it's more of a practical choice because the "Batman" series proved to be so popular within IMDb polls it's sometimes better not to mix these kind of popular entertainments with plain dramas... just the way I see it.

My vote will likely go to Reign Over Me (2007). I was really moved by that movie and it has some great acting performances including, surprisingly, by Adam Sandler. Ever since seeing that movie I keep wondering why he rarely does serious dramatic acting he is fully capable of and sticks with lackluster comedies...

*A Fantastic Woman (death of a romantic partner)Loveless (disappearance of young son)Wind River (death of a daughter)A Mighty Heart (murder of husband)An Unfinished Life (death of son of one character / husband of another)Beautiful Boy (death of son)*Rudderless (death of son)*Jackie