Hey guys. I backed you guys on Kickstarter, and even bought a physical copy of the book at Babs Con. I love what you've done with this book, and I love a ton of stuff in it. Buuuut I am rather anal about details, and while reading through your book, I noticed a bunch of typos, misprints, awkward sentences, and inconsistent layouts. So, you guys asked for typos and the like, and I done brought it.

Keep in mind that everything I list is from the hardcover version of the book that was sold at Babs Con, without any errata from the forums or elsewhere, and in extremely anal attention to detail. I covered most of the rules-related stuff, but I haven't gone through most of the fluff, so I skipped about half of the book. Now, since the list is so long, I am going to split it up into 3 sections. The first section is going to be typos, misprints, grammatical errors, and small things I feel are a no brainer to be fixed. The second section is more debatable changes; things that aren't necessarily mistakes, but I think could use improvement; most things in this section are wording suggestions. The third section is going to be my more extensive and highly debatable suggestions for changes; most of the stuff here is going to be formatting/layout related, and mostly focused on keeping things in the book consistent with each other and with Paizo's formats.

SECTION 1: TYPOS/MISPRINTS/ETCPage 10Pegasus Alternate Racial Traits: The bold “Flight” header should have a colon after it.In Cloud Walker, there should be a period after “-2 Strength”.

Unicorn Alternate Racial Traits:In the first sentence, a space is needed before the parentheses (“… spell-like abilities(caster level …”)There are missing periods. Sections should read: “… (must target horn). +2 to Concentration …”, “… when casting defensively. Replace attribute modifiers …”, and “… and -2 Dexterity. These racial traits …”The last sentence has 2 words split off from the body of the paragraph to the left of the picture (specifically, “the Earth-“ is separated).

Page 13Leather Wing Alternate Racial TraitsThe third line from the bottom (“2 penalty to saves vs effects with light descriptor.”) is an almost-copy of text from the previous paragraph and should be removed.

Page 14Zebra Alternate Racial TraitsIn the flavor text for the zebra, the plural form of zebra is identified as “zebra”. In the second-to-last paragraph, the plural form should be upheld. (“… traditional remedies means zebras cannot accidentally poison …”). “zebras” should be “zebra”.

Page 15Awakened Ancestry, Horn: There is a typo in the beginning of the second sentence (“… Tthe unification sorcerer also …”). “Tthe” should be “The”.

Page 16Headers for Class Skill, Bonus Spell, Bonus Feats, etc, should be bold, not italicized, to remain consistent with the previous page.

Page 23Tribal Thief archetype: The section near the end starting with “Thieving bombs do not stack …” should be indented.

Page 242-point evolutions, Adaptation: In the last sentence, “… only be taken be dopplegangers.” ‘be’ should be replaced with ‘by’.

Page 25Cloud Kicker benefit text: The section “… pony is occupying).. If the effect …” should only have one period instead of two.

Page 28Night Wing benefit text: An odd typo. The section “… range of 60 feet” add “ and you are ..” should instead read “… range of 60 feet, and you are …”.

Pious Brand: The feat has two ‘Special:’ headers, one of which is unaligned with the rest of the headers. There should only be one special text block.

Page 32In the first sentence of the opening paragraph, there needs to be a pair of commas. It should read: “Some say, had the intelligent goats called cloven come first, it would have been them …”

Page 34In the middle of the first paragraph of the opening text, the sentence ending with “… began soliciting the others towards better.” seems to be missing a handful of words at the end.

Page 38Griffin favored class options: The opening paragraph should have the first line indented and the rest not (inverse of what it is), to be consistent with the favored class options section in the other race sections

Page 39In the opening paragraph, the first sentence ends with “universe entire.” This should probably be changed to “entire universe.” Also, the first sentence of the second paragraph needs a comma, and should read: “… flame and heat, but, save for their eternal …”Phoenix Wolf racial traits:Fire Heart: The section “like abilities once per day with a caster level equal to their character level:” repeats, and should be deleted.Quadruped: The first sentence refers to purrsians instead of Phoenix Wolves.

Page 40Favored Class options: The Alchemist and Sorcerer headers should be bold.

Page 41In the last sentence of the opening text block, the last word (purrsian) should be pluralized (purrsians).

Purrsian Racial Traits:The first line for the Medium rules are indented slightly, and shouldn’t be.

Page 67In the ghost pony racial traits, the section “… are always considered magic for purpose of striking …” needs a ‘the’, and should read: “… are always considered magic for the purpose of striking …”In the description of the Ether Harness, the section “… though it was tradition for parent to bequeath their harness …” needs an ‘a’, and should read: “… though it was tradition for a parent to bequeath their harness …”

Page 68Unfettered Thought benefit text: There needs to be a space before the parenthesis, and should read: “… and casting time to one step (swift to move, …”

Page 73Sun Pony alternate racial traits: The third horseshoe is one line lower than it should be. Denouncer of Gods: The ‘Benefits:’ header is not bold.

Page 107Striking Horseshoes: One of the lines of the rules text is unindented.

Page 109Human Way: There needs to be a space before the parenthesis, and should read: “… and sinking their teeth into it (this does not harm ...”

In many of the racial favored class options, the entry for alchemist should be changed from “… when using mutagen.” to “… when using a mutagen.”Affected pages: 20 (Ponykind), 33 (cloven), 42 (purrsian), 44 (steelheart), 46 (sun cat)

SECTION 2: WORDING/CLARIFICATIONS/CONSISTENCYAgain, keep in mind, these are just what I think. I have relatively little experience writing an entire RPG book. I have, however, been playing Pathfinder since its inception, and RPGs since before then, so these are what I honestly feel would improve the book by either making certain things clearer or more consistent with the rest of the book or with Paizo's standards.

Page 10Pegasus Alternate Racial Traits: The sentences “Fly becomes a class skill. Pegasi cannot fly in medium or heavy armor.” should be moved into the Flight rules text, to stay consistent with other Flight rules texts.

Page 15Magic Focus: Current wording unclear. Should read something like “At 15th level, you gain +2 to the DC for all saving throws against spells from a school of magic of your choice…” (wording mostly taken from the Spell Focus description)

Page 16Vampire’s Gift: Wording is extremely confusing; should probably read more like “At xth level, you gain DR 5/magic…” (I can’t figure out what the rest of the ability is supposed to do)

Gaseous Form: For clarity and consistency, the last sentence should read “… for as many rounds per day as your caster level.”

Page 23Tribal Thief archetype: The last paragraph (which was identified as unindented in the last section) should almost certainly be moved into the Explosive Thief (Ex) text block.

Page 25Blade-Turning Pelt: The rules here are somewhat confusing. If the DR increases by the number of times you have taken Tough as Rocks, and you can also take the feat as many times as you have taken Tough as Rocks, can you get up to DR 16/- by level 15? My guess is that only one of those rules should be there.

Page 26Embraced Destiny special text: The text should instead read: “You may not take …” to remain consistent with all of the other similar entries.

Page 28Night Stomper special text: Last sentence should read: “If you already have darkvision, instead increase the range of your darkvision by 30ft., and you are no longer dazzled in bright light.”

Night Wing Special text: The rule here is unclear. My guess is that it should be changed to read: “If you already have darkvision, instead increase the range of your darkvision by 30ft.”

Pious Brand Special text (second block) should instead read: “You may not take this feat if you have Denial of Destiny.”

Page 38Griffin favored class options, Barbarian: The current wording is unclear. It should read something more like: “Add +1/3 dodge bonus to the barbarian’s armor bonus against attacks from flanking enemies.”

Page 39Phoenix Wolf racial traits:Bite: damage type and strength bonus for the bite attack are unspecified. Should be more like: “… deals 1d6 (fire?) plus x (usually 1.5, I think) strength damage.”Fire Nature: The ability is worded very poorly. It should read: “When casting spells with the fire descriptor or throwing alchemist bombs that deal fire damage, a Phoenix Wolf treats their caster level or alchemist level as if it were 1 level higher.” (taken directly from the Flame Heart feat) Or, to be more true to the original rule: “When casting spells with the fire descriptor, using spells granted by the Fire domain, using bloodline powers of the fire elemental bloodline, using the revelations of the oracle’s flame mystery, or throwing alchemist bombs, a Phoenix Wolf treats their caster level or alchemist level as if it were 1 level higher.”

Page 40Sun Kiss benefit text: The current wording is a bit weird. For clarity and consistency with similar rules, should be more like: “You gain a breath attack as a supernatural ability. As a standard action, you can breathe a 30-foot cone of fire that deals 1d6 fire damage per 2 character levels (max 5d6). Those caught in the breath weapon can attempt a Reflex save for half damage. The DC is equal to 10 + your constitution modifier + 1 for every 2 character levels you possess. You can use this ability once per day.” (taken from the Breath Weapon evolution and modified; for similar sources see the Draconic Breath feat or the draconic bloodline’s Breath Weapon power)

Wings of Fire benefit text: The wording for the ability could be slightly improved: “You may fly at a speed of 40ft. (average) for up to… This is a supernatural ability.”

Favored Class options: The barbarian entry’s wording is unclear, and should read more like: “… spent fatigued from coming out of rage by +1 round, to a …”

Page 41Purrsian Racial Traits:Winged: The sentence “This is natural flight.” doesn't appear in any other race’s Flight rules, and should be omitted.

Page 42Wealthy Magic: The first sentence of the benefit text is worded confusingly, and should read more like: “You may use coins or gems to directly …”

Page 43Steelheart racial traits, Cold Heart: The first sentence is unclear: “Steelhearts cannot be raised or resurrected by spell.” Should read more like: “Steelhearts cannot be raised or resurrected normally.”

Pride Tactics benefits text: The wording in the last sentence is awkward, and should read something more like: “… possess this feat, then both of you may use any teamwork feats either of you possess.”

Symbol of the Pride prerequisites: Instead of “Ability to inspire courage,” should be either “bardic performance class feature” or “inspire courage class feature”. In the benefit text, the section “If you are actively inspiring courage, …” should be changed to: “When using bardic performance to inspire courage, …”

Page 107Saddle Rack: The current rules are unclear on the use of one-handed weapons in a saddle rack.

Page 111Star Bear Celebrant: Current wording is somewhat awkward. Should read more like: “Your skill at costume design won you the competition for best costume at the Star Bear celebration. You gain a +2 trait bonus to disguise, and it is always a class skill for you.”

SECTION 3: FORMATTING/LAYOUT/SUGGESTIONSAgain, these are just what I think. Some of these are also rules changes, but I am just suggesting things I think you guys forgot to include or exclude. These changes would be much more work to do than the last sections, or could possibly go against what you thought up for the book. I wouldn't feel bad if you ignored this section, and some of the changes aren't even that important. And again, these are rather debatable anyways.

Page 11Chaos Hunter Alternate Racial TraitsThe GM Note should be moved after the racial traits.

Clockwork Alternate Racial Traits The “Gain half-construct subtype.” text should be moved into the Half Construct rules text.

Page 12Gem Pony Alternate Racial Traits“Gain earth subtype.” Should be moved within the Crystalline rules text.

Page 13Leather Wing Alternate Racial TraitsThe sentence “Leather Wings cannot fly in medium or heavy armor.” should be moved into the Flight rules text.Leather Wings should also receive Fly as a class skill, like every other winged race in the book.

Page 73Sun Pony alternate racial traits: The Sun Ponies should not be the only alternate race with the horseshoe bullets. I would suggest either adding them to the other alternate races or (my preference) remove them form the Sun Ponies.

The Fingerless rule in all of the race sections but Ponykind should have a page reference. Such as: (see page 9)Affected pages: 32 (cloven), 34 (flutterpony), 39 (phoenix wolf), 43 (steelheart)

Lastly, I have some problems with the lack of consistency in your alternate racial trait sections. First, the race traits should be given names, just as all the traits in the CRB and beyond. Second, the "Alternate Racial Traits" large header should be moved to just above the rules entries for the races, with the flavor text above it (so it goes name-newline-fluff-newline-alternate racial traits) just like Unicorn and Pegasus are, to make the rules entries easier to find and more consistent. Third, the racial traits should always form complete sentences, like all of the racial traits for the non-alternative races (purrsians, cloven, etc), and they should always refer to the race, not 'you'. All of these are for consistency within the book, and with the Paizo sources, and to make the book more readable.

An ideal layout example would be the Pegasus, but a couple lines still do not have names or headers. Another problem there is that the flavor text for both Pegasus and Unicorn is italicized, unlike the flavor text for every other alternate race in the book (I would say un-italicise Pegasus and Unicorn and leave the rest).

Also, since I had some big problems with the layout of the alternate race sections, I took the time to draft of some examples of what I think each section should look more like. Because I have nothing better to do I guess. I don't mean this to be offensive or rude, I just mean it to illustrate my points.

Any parts that end with ellipses are assumed to be the exact same from that point on as in the book. Also, I caught a lot of changes I would probably make that I missed in the previous post (none of them terribly important), and I don't want to bog down that post more anyways. And as a final note, some of these ability names are rather uninspired; I'm sure there are far better ones out there. (final final note, the forum doesn't let me format the blocks that well, so imagine all the lines after the alternate racial traits lines as indented and pretty)

Clockwork*Fluff*Alternate Racial TraitsNormal Speed: Clockwork have their base speed reduced to 30ft.Half Construct: Clockwork gain the half-construct subtype. In addition, Clockwork receive a +2 racial bonus to saving throws against disease, poison, and effects that cause exhaustion or fatigue, and a +2 bonus vs. mind-affecting effects.Fragile Soul: …Machine Life: …Extreme Design: Whatever negative attribute a Clockwork gains to its attributes due to race is further reduced by 2. For example, an Earth-Bound Clockwork’s Dexterity would be lower by 2. If a Clockwork’s race has no attribute negative, select any one to receive -2. These racial traits replace the Unique Destiny trait.

Doppelganger*Flufflepuff*Alternate Racial TraitsShapeshifter: Doppelgangers gain the shapeshifter subtype. In addition, when a target fails a saving throw against a doppelganger’s enchantment or mind-affecting effect, the doppelganger gains a +1 insight bonus to attack rolls, caster level checks, and ability checks for as many rounds as the level of the spell (or 1 round if the effect is not a spell).Change Shape, Lesser: Doppelgangers have a specific pony shape that they can take at will. They gain a +10 racial bonus on Disguise checks to appear as that pony. Changing shape is a standard action and functions as per alter self, but the doppelganger does not adjust its ability score. These racial traits replace the Unique Destiny trait.

Gem Pony*Fluff*Alternate Racial TraitsCrystalline: Gem Ponies gain the earth subtype. In addition, Gem Ponies receive a +2 racial bonus to Armor Class vs. rays. Once per day …Eternal Hope: Gem Ponies receive a +2 racial bonus on saving throws against fear and despair effects. Also, once per day, after a natural roll of 1 on a d20 roll, a Gem Pony may reroll and use the second result. These racial traits replace the Unique Destiny trait.

Since there doesn't appear to be an official typos thread (at least not on the first page) I thought I'd post a couple things I noticed.

On the race random height and weight, for Ghost Pony males it lists 151 as the base weight, and 250 as the base weight for females...

More confusingly, the Timeline of Everglow lists IC 006 as the date on the attack on the Queen and the abandonment of Viljatown as capital... only for it to say, in IC 023, that Viljatown was made capital after the end of the Broken Bones war. Further, it states later in the book that Viljatown was capital for a hundred years! Some clarification is needed.