Several years ago, about 1997-1998, the only reliable place I could get a moderately decent cup of joe on the way into work was a Starbucks. (I said moderately decent! Not good! Not gourmet! Put down the torches and pitchforks already!)

"I'm sorry,", (No, you're not, really, now are you?), "But we have Tall, Grande, and Venti!", extra perkiness. Extra perkiness solves all problems in retail and customer relations. Also, she's apparently had her coffee. I feel like I'm approaching a fickle, angry oracle, and I must be supplicant and be bearing offerings to recieve the wisdom of the ether.

"That's nice. One large dark-roast please, no room for cream or sugar.", (insert potentially lethal Jedi Stare (TM)). Honey, you do still understand the difference between small, medium, and large, don't you? Starbucks can't seriously have a brainwashing program that frighteningly effective, can it? Can it?!)

"We have Tall, Grande...", she stops midsentence, and likely sees the trapped, caged, wild animal stare in my eyes of an ITcubeslave at 7:45 in the godforsaken morning without his precious coffee, yet, "... a-a large you say?"

"Yes, please, a large dark-roast, no room for cream or sugar, please.". Victory! My coffee is presented to me, and I immediately feel much better with it's bitter warmth in my hands, and that I didn't have to call it by some silly Italian word that likely really means something insulting.

Eventually, the more reliable of the staff got used to it, and never questioned it. I'd ask for a large, and they'd give it to me, no questions asked or marketing flim-flammery foisted upon my weary self. It was a good battle, well fought.

I noticed other regulars began calling it a large as well, and this made it all worth it.

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Note especially for europeans or those more evolved Stateside: Please don't assume from this one instance that I'm some sort of monosyllablistic monobrow'ed mouth-breather. I fully support, and understand the benefits of, polylingualism. Putting a coffeehouse menu in PseudoItalian is not polylingualism, nor is it going to educate or enlighten anyone. Thank you.