You sicken me

Published April 16th, 2011 by Bobby Henderson

You sicken me with the fact that you now have my best friend believing in your stupid, sick, blasphemous crap you call a religion! I can tell you what it really is, BLASPHEMOUS, MADE DURING A DRUG BINGE, IDOLATRY THAT WILL HAVE YOU BURNING IN HELL OR ON THE TABLE AFTER THE LAST WAR!!!! I am furious about the fact that there is a religion DEVOTED to SIN OF ALL THINGS! If you don’t change you and all your followers will be in a special place in hell just for IDOL WORSHIPPING, SIN LOVERS LIKE YOURSELF!!! You disgust me and I hope you see the truth before it’s too late.

Antipastifarian,

Chance

I need more information on this “special place” in hell you refer to – will there be cake?

Don’t forget that said strippers all have suppurating STDs as well, Pancit Priest. But, Pastafarian Hell is not eternal (unlike some false religions), except for the likes of Fred Phelps, who still refuses to change his ways and seems to be enjoying himself as a stripper.

Oh wow! Thanks for that wonderful compliment! Now if you change it to ‘(religion name) should kill themselves. They are stupid asswholes and dont deserve to live.’ Many would probably get offended, including yourself, so why not say ‘Everyone should kill themselves, they are stupid, and don’t deserve to live.’ There! Now everyone gets hate.

In your hate mail you said that this religion was created while the person was on drugs. I’m guessing you are Christian because of the words you used like sin and hell. Therefore I would like to remind you that the prophets and the writers of the Bible were high and drunk off their ass. And i would like to point out that you believe in a relgion based off a book that’s 2700 years old and a pregnant woman who claims she didn’t have sex.

The poor guy clearly doesn’t know that he himself is producing DMT, GHB and morphine daily without fail. Someone should tell him about them endogenous drugs, that way he’ll likely save us the trouble by promptly auto-da-fe-ing himself.

“pregnant woman who claims she didn’t have sex”: hey, she never claimed any such thing, was too demure to talk about sex and anyway it’s entirely irrelevant so she wouldn’t have bothered even mentioning it. The only ones who ever claimed that which you mention, are the low-rank sneaks that jumped on the band-wagon.

Since always, women with unwanted pregnancies have been claiming they never had sex. Toilet seats have always been popular. I’m surprised Mary escaped being stoned to death for adultery. Claiming a ghost did it would only make things worse.

My understanding is that Pastafarian hell is just like Pastafarian paradise, except that the beer volcano produces stale beer, and the stripper factory produces ugly strippers. On arrival in our hell, the deluded person who thought he was going to get 92 virgins discovers that there aren’t any such critters around, and that the only thing to drink is what his former religion said he could not drink (beer). At that moment of illumination, some will say something like, “Oh, bleep! The FSM was the real one, after all!” and will, as a new believer, in the blink of an eye be transported to Pastafarian paradise. The FSM likes a good laugh.