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Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Bridges

I've always had dreams about bridges, well, that and large amounts of water that I have to cross. From as far back as I can remember, bridges have jumped up to be a part of my dreams. Reoccurring dreams, new dreams, nightmare's, silly dreams, weird medicine induced dreams. It just doesn't matter.

Last night I had a brand new dream, with a bridge as center stage. I had a friend the first part of this year, pretty much tell me that I was not 'living', 'acting', as she would and that she no longer wanted to be put in the middle of whatever was going on that I was confiding with her about. The situation is complex but that's the jest of it. She never said she was going to stop being my friend, it just kinda happened, she sent an email and I called her out on it and was really surprised by all she had to say, mainly surprised at how she jumped to her own conclusions before talking to the sources first. So needless to say. That was the last time I talked to her.

It bothered me. Of course it did. I really enjoyed hanging out with her and her friendship. But what can I do? When I see her I still say 'Hi' and try to make nice, but it's obvious she doesn't want anything to do with me anymore.

I'm not sure why I dreamt about her last night. We'll call her 'W' to make it easier.

'W' was on something of a bridge. It wasn't over water, but it was obviously the only way to get from point A to point B. Apparently at some kind of check point. Getting permission to cross the other side of the bridge. I was standing with other people that I didn't know, above the bridge, just hanging out watching the activity below. I see 'W' approach the 'permission counter' and state that she's moving. I didn't actually catch the name of the place she'll be living but I knew it was out of state. Way out of state and country.

Then for some reason I jump the little ledge thing I was standing on, and as she was walking away I call her name. She turns around, and it's 'W' but not, she's skinner, her cheeks more pronounced; her hair fuller than it usually is. She's younger.

"You're moving?" I ask.

"Yes, to Cancun.' W replies

"Why?"

Turns out her husband had a new job. She said they are leaving all her house business to her older kids to handle, but that it's not sold and she'll not be back ever, as far as she knows. There's a sadness to her face and voice and I'm torn between saying more than that or just letting her go. The crowd serge's and then she's gone.

I end up going in the direction of her house, and like everytime I've dreamed of her house, there's a corporate business in front of that section of town that you have to go through, physically walk through in order to gain access to her house. I'm in that building when my dream ends.

So why in the world blog about this? I don't know, maybe because I'm getting a cold and feel sorry for myself? Maybe because I don't realize how much I miss 'W' until I let my guard down. Maybe because right now my life is in chaos and I'm connecting the two together? I don't know. All I know is God works through good dreams, he doesn't use fear or sadness, or scarey things to talk to us in our dreams. But I know He's dealing with me on a lot of my issues...and maybe I'm just a little raw.

Bridges and water.....I think I need to look those things up in a Christian dream book.