love

There seems to be an ever burgeoning rise in those searching for love, professing their need for it, and generally being open to any aspect of it. When we look around the planet, we see a vast multitude of confusion surrounding it and in the next few articles, we will seek to shed some light on it… Why am I saying we, Christ, its like I’m fragmenting in my mind or something, its only me here and now I’m speaking in some odd third person multiple narrative… Sorry, I swear the info is good even if I am on my way out… Oh boy… enjoy!

What does love mean for you…

What does it mean for me may be a better way to start this missive, a short diatribe which will, in my highest of hopes, perhaps shed some light on why things aren’t going well for you, or, better, how they can go better, assuming of course my hubris isn’t just shining brightly and Im prattling on about things I know nothing about.

Two sayings will help you on your road to love that apply in some form or another to all of us and they are:

“You can’t ride two horses at the same time.”

This speaks to the obvious. If you are truly seeking love, you do not want to spread your focus to thin, and when it comes to love, more than one is to thin. That’s just how it is. I understand that there are those amongst us who feel polyamory (being in loving relationships to include physical with more than one partner) is the way to go. If you feel that way, do give it a try and be prepared for what follows as every last person whom I have known to engage in this has come away having learned a hard lesson.

There are those who feel that it is best to “spread one’s bets”. While this may work for the roulette wheel in Vegas, once you begin to view love as a gamble or something to be won, you have already strayed far enough from the path that your results will reflect your disillusionment. Love is not a game to be one, to be conquered to be on the “winning side” of, it is none of those things and to think of it as such may be the root cause of why things aren’t going as they could be going.

If the focus for you is love, then you MUST keep that focus and use your feelings as a guide to knowing whether or not you are on the right path with the person you have chosen to walk down the path with. If you spread your bets so to speak, you will be unable to properly focus your attention and will miss out on all the important details that make love work, the little things. Its all in the little things, it always has been and always will be. As it is with your daily life, so shall it be with your love.

All “BIG PROBLEMS” are nothing more than a mountain of small problems. All “GREAT SUCCESSES” are nothing but a pile of smaller ones. Love is the greatest success you will have as a human being. I say this as a person who has seen, read, traveled and basically taken in enough of the world to know that love seems to be what everyone is either searching for, or shying away from, which is just another form of searching.

Even Hitler was married. The greatest force the Yogi’s sitting on the mountain tops must overcome is the love of another human, there can be no stronger attachment than the complete admiration and adoration of another, and no better form than that of a loved one.

Look at “fame”, “power”, “prestige”, all of these things, which are usually coupled with financial success, are forms of seeking admiration. I say this just to bring attention to the fact that what many people view as one thing may truly be boiled down to simply seeking one very solid loving connection. I will leave that research to you.

Knowing this, we turn to the Beatles – Money Cant Buy Me Love. So while these are nice divestitures of your time and energy, seeking wealth and fame in lieu of love, eventually Love will come back to be at the forefront of your existence as some of the messiest relationships are had by those in “power” or with Great “wealth”.

In summation, we must take a clear and direct route to Love, IF THAT BE OUR AIM> If love is secondary, then keep it there and focus on what you will as a primary aim. If, however, LOVE is your primary goal in life, than life a life that reflects that, Let everything come in second and leave love to be the first position in your daily activities. Be loving to everyone and everything that comes your way, truly. If youtry to just show love to the person you think will be the one, you will never find the one as love doesn’t work that way. You see, it isn’t that you must impress the one you want, you must be the TYPE OF PERSON who will be impressive to the type of person you wish to attract as your love. Does this make sense?

If you are a slovenly, rude, misogynistic male and you wish to have a high class woman who has respect for herself, you can focus on the high class woman until you are blue in the face and red in the ears and you will NEVER achieve your dream.

Why, easy, why would a high class woman want to spend time with a guy who is a jerk and doesn’t take care of himself? How you are describes to a great degree how you will treat the person you choose to love, for if you do not love yourself, you will not be able to love another. This isn’t Neil DeGrasse Tyson spewing Astrophysics, this just is, this is Spock speaking simple logic.

So be the kind of person you want to attract into your life. Be honest and open with yourself and then this will spill forth to others. What you are you will attract. You must be the perfect advertisement for the love you wish to find.

This is not riding two horses. Your focus must be crystal clear with a laser like focus. If you want love, you must have it be the primary horse. If you want a specific type of person, you must only go for that type of person, which must be the horse, and you MUST BE THAT AS WELL.

“The Space for that which you truly want is filled by what you settle for.”

This will come off as perhaps spiritual or “new agey”, or perhaps it will come off as Quantum Physics as this, our most advanced field of science now agrees with the mystics of old. So, whatever we want to call it or view it as, it is clear that if we want any specific thing, we must keep that space open.

I speak in this case to Love, and in truth this idea of settling applies to all aspects of life. How much better is a meal if it is what you truly wanted to eat and not just something to fill your belly? This is a simple example, but I am hoping to make this abundantly clear as it is a most important point to concede if you are to have the love that you dream of.

If you have in mind a certain type of person as your partner, we know one of the many important aspects to be that you are responsible for being the type of person that whatever type person you are seeking would want. If you want a hot vegan guy who has a wicked physique, don’t be a meat eating, non working out lady who cares nothing for her physique. This shouldn’t be rocket science but I feel, unfortunately, our society has become so used to getting what it wants without any hard work that we are able to delude ourselves into believing illogical summations!

If you wish to have real love in your life then you must leave the space open for it to happen. That’s just as it is, two things, we have learned in our elementary science classes, cannot occupy the same space at the same time. So if you want love, real true lasting love, it must have a place in your life. If you fill your hours and days with random sexual encounters, partners that bore you, i.e., if you seem to be unwilling or even scared to simply be alone, finding love will be most difficult. Lovers don’t like players, be they players because they have something to prove to the world, “Look at me, I get all kinds of action”, nor do lovers like those who aren’t in love with themselves, people unable to or unwilling to spend time alone. If you cannot spend time alone, how will you ever be able to spend time with a loved one, especially when your inability to be alone USUALLY means that you are lacking in self love.

You must do whatever it takes to heal the wounds of time in your psyche and heart, until you do, there is no amount of love that will ever heal it for you. This is your practice, it is YOU who must make the space for love appealing to the other. ONLY YOU CAN DO THIS. There is no one and nothing else that is able to do it for you.

That’s a fact. Im sorry if its not a fact you want to hear, that doesn’t change the fact of the matter=]

When you find yourself ready for love, use these two sayings as a basis for your actions, and possibly, just maybe, you will get what you seek, if you do not change your behavior, then, as the rolling stones are so find of reminding us, “You cant always get what you want, but if you try real hard, you just might find, you’ll get what you NEED”.

Either show the Universe you are ready, or the universe will continue to show you what you need to do to be ready.

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Ive been told that my writing is decent, my life is varied and interesting, so, I should be writing about it.

Here I go again, I cant fail if I never stop making forays into words right…?

“No such things as failure in he who keeps trying, coasting at bottom is the only disgrace.” Blues Traveler – 4

Where did I leave off, probably in Las Vegas with a health retreat weekend that went to hell and back and may now be an actual Sustainability summit in the City of Sin thanks to a new friend Crystal who is a ninja in her own right.

From there, I went to visit my now ex-girlfreind, bless her heart, she made me a king on my birthday…. I fell in love hard for that young lady…. On we go now to the present day.
She was rad…

I ended up in Chardon, Ohio helping my new bike ride manager by being a vegan manly male role model – those arent my words, they are hers, please note that I do not speak about myself that way, though I find no untruth in the phrase.

In addition to being male vegan god, I was to teach Kung Fu and Tai Chi, practice my cranio sacral therapy and slowly work on formulating my plan for the continuation of my bike ride all the while as she is launching Dr. Hackett and her LivAwareMD holistic center.

Dr. Hackett is rad.

Enter the ex boyfreind. The day I moved into my managers house, which is a very spacious and beautiful home, complete with a sauna, which is why it took a while for the fact the ex had moved back in to begin grating at my nerves.

Separately, these two individuals are rad (descriptor for the rest of the blog), together as with so many of us, the oil separates from the vinegar and next thing you know instead of being happy for salad dressing, we are arguing over who’s fault it is that there is difference. What can be done…. Love, oh cruel bittersweet delicious agony…. Ha!

I decided to leave, which was a bummer in a way as I really started not only enjoying the area, but even acclimatizing to the cold!

I was doing some Epic long distance runs and finding enjoyment with some of the odd jobs that were coming my way until the Center was to open and I would start teaching and practicing.

My favorite job, by far, was the shoveling of shit at Dr. And Mr. Hacketts lake house, which was to be mine if my ex moved out, she didnt, so the house, olympic pool and dreams of a future were dashed, All that remained was for me to shovel shit and dream of what could have been. Which, wasn’t so bad after all=]

When I finally decided to go, we are now really close to now in the time line, I begin spending an inordinate amount of time indoors as A. I was no longer working ina n office as I was leaving, B. The amount of snow fall was formidable enough that I was put off from running and decided instead to work out and meditate ALL DAY LONG. I did this for about 5 days and caused my heartache to reach such epic proportions that I may have gleaned wisdom into myself and at the very least have gained the profound “aha” of meditation, which means I now have a place to go to no matter what is happening and no matter where I am.

That I realized I always have a home in Hawaii, well, that shit is priceless. Most people will dream of going there, and for me it turned out to be my fall back, and now, I have decided to make it my home upon finishing my epic journey!

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All events are true as best I can discern, names of people are pretty much all changed. Shocking how slow I am going through with this…

My re-entry back into biking close on the heels of my failed/Wildly Successful Depending How you Look at It ‘Sailing to Hawaii Expedition with Captain Lee’ (It should be registered that the boat was first owned by Mr. Larry Flint – hustler Magazine, and was bright pink=) and subsequent rescue by the Mexican Navy [another story for another time, my first sailboat ride=], was in the form of 83 mile bicycle ride with twin Ortlieb panniers on the rear Tubus rack, starting at my parents in Lancaster, PA and arriving in Baltimore, MD.

Epically fine ride, a huge chunk, I would say at least half or maybe more is possible via rail trails with BEAUTIFUL scenery and quaint everything in the small towns you pass through from time to time. Big thank you to Mt. Gretna Bikes and Mike F. for helping me with route selection!

Sweet General Store near Glen Rock, all kinds of things…. Please do “Say” hello to the shopkeeper from me, he is a most amiable guy who looked forward to seeing me again…

My re-entry back into blogging is taken in the form of being comfortably numb from a previous evening of high speed traffic dodging on my very rad bicycle aptly named – the Flying Mapache a.k.a. Mapache Volador, a.k.a. The Flying raccoon, beside my very rad Friend Tall P., and yes, moving forward, we change names and add nicknames and what not in order to maintain some privacy for those who might not want me bandying about all manner of personal introspect to everyone in the world…. where was I? Im starting with a story from two days ago, if this is confusing I am truly sorry, if you are a critic of words and how to make ones thoughts sound good, do let me know as I am not…

…yes, going to a very fine eating and drinking establishment whose name completely escapes me right now and not only meeting quite a broad mix of wonderful guys and wonderfully ninja and beautiful ladies and also a brush with a gentleman of indeterminate age and yet of determined tipsy-ness with the courage of spirits mixed with a natural distrust of what I attribute to be a bit of confidence in the air that surrounds me, at any rate, to what he referred to himself as, a “street kid”, which, in my run on sentence structure that is only salvaged from horrific writing skills, style and complete lack of prose, not even knowing what the word really means, Jose Saramago does it, so whatever.

In tribute of respect to street kids, I offer you a Shout Out courtesy of Skrillex=]

I am no longer in possession of his name, the street kid with the ragged green army jacket, an ancient and raggedly greasy looking brownish cabby hat was touched off with a dark red scarf of sorts and decidedly grungy jeans, and, a rare commodity at this bar was his Irish warrior face paint, and of course he had already done a full body flex whilst yelling Im Irish and then arging. You know, like…

“Aaaaarrrrggggghhhh”, and Im thinkin’, he really has delusions, but then, havent many of us… He seriously had face paint and was Braveheart… “Freeeeeeedom!”.

At this point, Im loving my life as it is always so very interesting, and its all from the moments, especially ones with face paint=].

He was adamant about showing me his painting, annoyingly so, and then added with the lack of respect one should show another regardless of station, we are after all all human, we all can go mad, lose or win big, fate reserves no special spots for any save the ones claimed by those who will if only try. Now once he began demanding money and threatening me, then it was time to turn on the boogie machine, but just a lil bit…

I put my right hand into a half fist with the middle knuckle held super tight and smashed the top of his table, which was to my right facing the bar and of course, THE BIG SCREEN TV, this one was yelling a basketball game at me and everyone in the bar would later approve of whatever happened in the game itself, the outcome of the rivalry, everyone that is except for our gay bartender, whom I only found out about him preferring guys over gals was due to a question I innocently asked a guy what he thought of televised sports, to which he replied, “I’m marrying your server.”

It kind of caught me off guard in a good way and that is why it is here on this page.

I forget what he said about televised sports. His now Fiancee and not my bartender but my waiter STILL refused to acknowledge the fact that I do not follow, or have ever, televised sports. I dont know why, it just is…

Anyway…

I hit the table hard enough for “Threatening dude intent on art sale’s” beer to dance a bit precariously and people at the bar either sharply look my way or casually in that obviously casual way at which point I no longer cared as I was following up my vulgar display of power [Pantera] and was now leaning over and what would happen were I to do that in the neck region of a man and besides, he doesnt even know me nor the fact Im just trying to help him tow the line for acceptable public composure so he doesnt get booted out!

Pedaling for Peace right=]

That painting was shown to a lot of people and very forcibly so, eventually he nearly broke a bottle of wine and when realizing that it didnt break, he then stowed it in his backpack, now using exposure of theft and ergo ‘blackmail’ and not physical violence, he became much more amenable and ended up being semi well liked by all and leaving with a new pack of cigarettes from one very interesting and obviously wealthy person, a beer on the house, we all got some of that action and he wasnt kicked out which is the last thing his ego needed. He never sold the painting which was of a rose and angel, though I never quite could make it out…

My reasoning for not exposing the wine theft…. It would of course suit his purposes and had enough dust on it that I didnt think it would be missed, so no point in causing a scene=] That I was keeping him calm through blackmail and threat of violence in first place, you may think to yourself, this guy is nuts to be riding for peace, but you have to understand, everyone is on a different path and looks at the world differently, there are times, where i feel i have to vulgar in my power display in order to keep the peace. If my display ever hurts another, at that point I will have failed terribly, so please dont think i would ever do more than allude to what is possible, never will I use it, further, I dont think I ever will have to, Im too much of a Chris for that to happen=]

As far as being a hypocrite, think of how many hypocrysises we suffer daily not in our best interest, all through out history, kind of Like Jefferson Signing the Declaration of Independence though he had slaves, many, many slaves…. Or The Battle of the Alamo, fought becuase the illegal US immigrants who were squatting on MEXICAN land refused to give up thier slaves, which was law in Mexico – no slaves.

You see?

But then, thats why you have me doing this, I make the hard decisions and walk/ride the narrowest line in a world where there is no reset button.

We ended up at this particular bar as it is on of the only two that Tall P. knows of that still serve him after he lost his D.L. and has yet to sally forth to claim another.

There was some commotion in the front and we found ourselves doing our best to convince a young lady that two car of lengths ahead of her is more than enough to simply pull out, I was gald she took our advice and the soft crunching, engine whine that repeated rocking the large truck behind hers with her Buick was a decidedly bad idea at the time and made her pinky swear with me that she wouldnt die or kill anyone if she actually would just stop hitting the truck behind her, but gentle hits, like 2 ton love taps asking for just a few more inches for MaMa…

——– real time while writing this ——– My friend Jackies auto air spray thingy just went off, i jump every time now thinking about the time controlled release of toxic chemicals into the air and how we live in a world where the more shallow the more coveted to the point that killing the body to avoid a bad smell is whats up!

We rode home, this time there were no accidents and thats an important part of all this biking stuff…

You can guess the rest, we got back to his place in NE Washington and I slept on my thermarest sleeping pad on the floor in the screened in back porch and rode into downtown DC this am to now stay at Jackies house and consequently a, damn, i cant remember the name for the body contour foam space thing super comfy…

Back to Pauls Thursday I think we are going to do a movie apocalypse and see Star Trek on Thursday and Superman on Friday and then Tom Petty Saturday, oh my hells bells, what a day this is shaping up to be!

But this is from yesterday… We need to go back 5 days…

To the beginning, that sounds kinda cheesy….no?

I arrived in an apartment complex on Oliver street with a super rad host named Danilee – couchsurfing.com, host, very cool if you never tried. I tell you the joy of arriving to a place 83 miles after you started that morning, very cool, and that it was done in Luna Sandals, well, thats Epic.

We immediately began by reducing edges through the power of wine, I think I did some cooking and I know we did Kung Fu and handstands at the wall for around 2 hours including practicing the sword form I learned in Nor Cal from the Escrima style of martial arts. Using my bike stand bamboo pole as the sword, which is the whole point, kickstand and dog be gone in one=]

The next day found us having a brunch with her friend who is marrying a psychiatrist from the Czech republic who is one of the foremost doctors doing research into psychedelics in a very serious way for PTSD victims and achieving huge and most remarkable success. I preface that statement with her husband as he does seem to be remarkable and thats why he got such a HOT girlfriend fiance, congrats and buena fortuna to them!

Good to know…. yes indeedy…

We then dropped her off at Dulles Int’l Aeropuerto and then promptly used our newly commandeered car, to scoot to Silver Spring.

It was a Jazz fest, i learned what party cups were and was happy to be the Designated Driver.

I got to see girls kissing – heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Makes me blush it does….

The next day we met a friend of a friend who just moved here from Lanai – Holla Hawaii!, to be the food and bev manager at 4 Seasons, and then went back to Danilee’s place to fix up her bike at a, get this, it tripped me out, a community TOOL library. I’ve never heard of a community tool library. And yet there it was and was very rad with a huge assortment of all manner of things.

It was like walking into an Amish Craftsman store decorated by a guy who obviously loved punk rock when it was hitting it’s stride in the 80’s, and we’re not going to argue over when punk was started, if you have a different date, rock n roll=] He was a totally chill dude, had some sweet tats, and some mighty fine slick hair with the coif in the front.

I got picked up by Tall P. later that afternoon, little did I know of the events that began to unfold once I stepped into the Volvo wagon of power…

We went to his place to get me settled in, I had my two panniers and the thermarest I wrote of earlier, and upon walking in to his apartment, i was blasted by the odor of ammonia, hit me like a wall, just a clearly divided space in the fabric of everything. I cannot do it justice by comparing it to being somehow akin to going from a complete and total slumber and some how somnabulistically meandering your way to very thin ice.

No, I cannot as it was much worse. It was like a part of me that had never been awake now was awakened and I found I couldn’t handle the ride…

As I began to sneeze, TP – ha! Tee pee get it…

sorry

So, he was concerned for my affliction to gatos and I assured him that it was nothing of the sort, while cat dander could evoke a sneeze, it was lost in the haze of almost palpable amonia smell. An overwhelmingly powerful blast.

We decided then I would sleep outside and I would help him get things ship shape, you see, he was in an accident, perhaps the Volvo of power, anyway, his sense of smell was rebooted and never came back online! Like I told him, “Dude, if a chic comes over, she isnt going to last long man, this is withering at best, if she sticks it out, f’ it, marry her or run away cause she’s nuts!”.

perhaps some cranio sacral…

And then off we went, riding like madmen, but at this point we had only given the Water Pipe a test run, just enough to turbo charge the ride…

Hence the ninja like cat reflexes while riding and when the Mapache Volador [my bike] is unburdened, as some of you can imagine, it takes off, I take flight and while I firmly trust and believe the guys at Mt. Gretna Bikes when they told me everything has to be replaced, somehow, I think if i look deeper, while everyhting is not in like new condition, at all, one look at this bike and you see a tried and true, extremely tested machine, one that has endured temps above 120 to below freezing, being thrown into vehicles, dragged through brush, sliding on ice, numerous impacts at speed, being hit by cars – plural, carS and stood being lost at sea for 19 days with no rust upon reentry to rockin and rollin.

The tavern we went to, bless my heart for remembering the name, SHAWS Tavern. Here is where things begin to blossom.

Im totally turned on by the bartender and yet with her extremely stylish haircut mohawk thing, slight gap which I find just right in the front teeth, she did not like guys.

Neither did her partner.

After many beers, many because they were all handcrafted and then brought keg by keg on the backs of ninjas trained in the highest reaches of the fabled Shang Ri La.

The city beyond the last horizon, it was good beer and there were many of them and once I got embroiled in being on the receiving end of some passive aggressive hating while still wanting a tip from Tall P, the vibe was very interesting. Then a met a Doctorate student in some specialty from Iran, very cool young man.

After that, I pretty much remember leaving and then things fuzz a bit, not so much because of the beer so much as what is to come.

Paul would tell me two days later that I was the cornerstone of civility and never once even dared to flirt, which even I find hard to believe, like, I let not a single smile loose in a ‘hey baby’ manner. Yeah right…

Anyway, he’s been the relatively sober upholder of accounts, so, Knight in Shining Armour for one if you please! Good to be maturing, thats for sure=]

Here is where the physical damage to me takes place. My reaction to hearing what happened put out a lot of different emotions, nearly passing out and vomiting was a clue to how bad it actually was=]

We were riding, this time very fast, in fact do you know that some of the fastest cars out there run on crazy high alcohol blends and have blistering speed, apparently so do I after imbibing, so much so that I turned one corner with such momentum that when the pedal hit the ground we both exploded up. I hit the ground and did a kind bounce roll of which I have all manner of scabs directly into a stone wall, P. said that I immediately jumped to my feet and when he asked me if i was alright I would say, …”oh, its all good, you know, round the world ride and all”, at which point I pick up my bike, fall over, get up again, get on, and manage to take two strokes before doing a wheelie right over onto my back and becoming tangled in my bike as it fell on me.

What made all of this worse was the fact that my new Osprey backpack was so very ninja. So ninja in fact that I thought nothing of doing the nights riding with a 20lb bag of kitty litter therein. Its the first bag with the straps and buckles in the right places, everything about it makes carrying weight easy, so then you find yourself cruising around with a lot more weight than normal as it just feels right….. Anyway…

When I went down, the bag added so much momentum to me hitting that i ended up getting road burn on both sides of my body as I bounced. I also now want to take a moment and commend the construction of the Osprey packs, it survived with only some minor road rash holes in the lower right side, and probably saved my back, most of it anyway.

I finally made it up after this fiasco and found I could switch immediately back to my cocksure self and now was weaving all around everything, cars, people, plants, small animals…you name it.

Mr. Darwin, we have a table for one over here on a bike…

Kids, dont try this until you are very old, have all kinds of armor plating and cars are made of cotton candy and rainbow kisses.

It is at this point Mr. P. takes us down an alley of sorts to save me from myself and yet, it is out of the pan into the fire!

You see, we have to ride on a very narrow side walk and at one point there is the brick wall and a sign on a post that you have to go between.

That it is a most precise fit indeed was to be my undoing.

Most choose to walk their bikes, now earlier, I did this at very high speed and it was all good, but, as we know, the Beer Fairy [Tom Robbins, ‘B is for Beer’], had been speaking with me and we agreed about a lot of stuff, so I tried it again.

Have you ever stubbed a toe, or toes, multiple. I have.

Many times.

There went the air freshner spray thingy again…!

So many in fact that I am a bit of a connoisseur of stubbed toes.

My speed and determination were great and while my lean calculated for the handlebars, it did not take into consideration the lower aspect of my bike and the space it inhabited and all forward momentum was placed on my right big toe when it hit the sign post.

Paul said he heard the crash and immediately came back around the corner and all he saw was the sign vibrating slightly…

I was gone.

Now, if you ever have stubbed your toe you know the pain, any children reading this, a toe stub is one of the most unpleasant things that can happen to your human body. I am not sure why as there is a lot of unpleasantness which can be ascribed to your skin suit, but this is a rare delicacy for some reason, I think the surprise factors in largely, let me know if you reach a conclusion.

I was gone and I can only assume that my body dumped every last minutia of andreline that was stored up and I simply had to go, being in the pain that I was in, that and the fact that only just before this i had wrecked epically and waived it off as a trifle and now, well, I am most gratified and thankful to my body for completely blanking out the next couple hours and retroactively blanking out time and then bringing me back nice and easy, not to mention thankfully still a mite tipsy.

So up I go. I could now continue to ride about hopelessly and absolutely aimless in my being lost with absolutely zero reason to stop pedaling as I found myself verily alive and KICKIN!.

I then felt that what the night needed was a clue, as I obviously had none what so ever.

So when I spied three young very pretty ladies hanging out on their porch with one studious looking gentleman, I felt that obviously, right, obviously, I needed to introduce myself and apparently hang out, smoke a little herb, therapeutic you understand, for the toe and now whole body bruising and have a glass or two of wine.

And copious amounts of water, afterall, I lost a lot of blood from my toe and had to get fluid back in me!

The toe, the amount of blood that came out of a stubbed toe of this magnitude is epic, like someone pulled a damn plug on the body and you are on your way out a pint a minute.

I ended up with my LUNA SANADAL being full of dried blood, my foot was dried blood and the top 1/2 inch of my toe is hanging on by a flap of skin.

ewwwwwww.

They were all cool with the crazed, lost, bloody, absolute stranger on a bike and why shouldnt they be, I mean, they are only going to Howard to be high falutin lawyers and doctors, I know I would be whatever with a watching a bloodied version of me, i would run a little bit Im guessing.

We hung out for a while, more drinks, lots of stories and then when the last of them went to bed, I was offered the chance to sleep on their porch, even given a sheet, warm nights, woulda been perfect, I didnt want them to be the only house with a dude on the porch, so I split.

2.am.

still no clue where I am, So Im just riding and next thing I find myself looking at the capitol from a near distance, in my head I believe it went something like… whoa, there’s that building. Such a pillar of thought that one.

For the next 3-6 hours, I am having trouble verifying and pinning down some key times, I rode around, in and through every angle I could lay a bead on as the streets were literally mine.

I dont know if you have ever visited our fair nations capitol, I had but remember it dimly, I only remember the girl flashing her breasts at the four of us elementary schooler’s from her dorm lodging across the way. School tour=]

if you are like me and maybe a lil bit cautious around “the Man”, then perhaps, like me you would not find this a pleasing place to while away the hours.

I now must beg to differ. You see, this bike ride is on deserted streets, and with the amount of patrol cars, marines and barricades all around, you would think it was a set from a zombie apocalypse movie, just no zombies, nobody really.

Top that off with big streets, incredibly well made, these are avenues for the capitol of the country! And when you then rest your gaze on some of the most powerful masonry work in our country, it is a sight to behold and thanks to the beauty of the whole situation, the marines and police, whom while watchful, gave out head nobs and a measured respect which made for all the better of a tour de DC!

I recommend the tour de DC while comfortably numb from 2.30-around 5.

Its a wonderful thing to be cruising on a bicycle and watching the corridors of power come to life. I saw The Lincoln Monument, George Washington Monument, it was all in scaffolding and no longer represented a phallus so much, the IRS building, Capitol Hill, White House, it was rad and the use of all those “names” now brings this blog under scrutiny… Im riding amongst all these are fortresses, amazing grand structures that invoke an other worldliness about them, a sheer break from scale in how massive they are, as though they seek to copy the zen imprint of a mountain. Again, the streets are empty of people, its a blessing for a person on a bike that loves roads.

There came at one point, where I was just riding around a city block in the downtown area near the Capitol building, it was some kind of park and the the way the streets flowed around it it was like a park in a flat surface velodrome, too complicated, the roads formed a track and there I was doing circuit riding, faster and faster with every pass, I expect that seeing as I was truly the only non paramilitary should for a mile at least, I must have been on quite a few cameras attached to lots of 3 letter companies filled wit company men.

As the sun began to rise the city came to life, it was magical in its own way, these massive blocks of stone, modern day super fortresses, slowly breathing in and out, faster and faster as the sun climbs and lattes spill and the powder of health donuts with reduced calories vanish three at a time all over town.

I rode around the “Ellipse” many, many, many times… it was just so velodramus, wat could I do? Ni modo!

At this point, having had no success in raising either Jacqueline [ignored me] or Paul [phone “dead”] from borrowed cell phones, I decided to get a hostel at Hostelling International, which was very epic indeed and the staff was super friendly, to include some of the texts to my friends like this gem:

5.30am – Chris in my lobby can you pick him up from 1009 11st NW. he also have his bike

I got a room when the day managers came in at 6, gave me a whole two days for the price of one, sweet, although I would eventually track down Jackie as I went straight to the computer and then she replied and it turns out I was only two blocks away from her place… sweet!

The clerk offered me a refund as I had only been there for 15 minutes and a vegan sub at subway, happy boy=]

Im seeing the light. Its all about truly seeing and then seizing the moment. Like our Kung Fu mantra Danilee and I tirelessly repeated, “No Hesitation!”.

As long as I fill my days with intense exercise [half of them at least, the other half for reminding myself why I push myself so hard=], speaking to others and trying to guide situations to every ones best benefit, always keeping safe kids and happy planet as a goal and making everything a potential adventure. I cannot fail to be a player in a the huge Game of Life and to be a player for “good”. none of us can fail, we simply need to become re-invigorated, to realize that the moments tat are passing you by are gone FOREVER, you cannot wait till such and such a date to do this and that, you arent even guaranteed to be alive!

All your moments are leading up to one final moment. The last moment of your life and no mater what is happening hduring your final moment, you will see all moments that have made an impact on your life to that point. It is that final moment where we send OURSELVES to heaven or hell, we regret what we did with the time given to us or we rejoice and go with a smile. Either way, it is our call, it is up to us each day to prepare for this one moment in time where we learn a big answer to a huge question.

I started teaching yoga again this week. After several months of silence I’m slowly getting back in motion, little by little connecting again with the flow… and everything starts to blossom.

It’s silly and simple when you think about it, how we often avoid what we need the most. On the other hand, sometimes we need to pause and change perspective. We need to fall asleep for waking up refreshed.

It’s different for everyone I guess, what we experience on the mat. It is different for sure than other sports, that’s why yoga is a practice, something beyond exercise. I get a lot from running: the power, the freedom, the intensity and meditation… yet, there is a lot I can find only on my mat. There is a special intensity, different from any other, in the rhythm of the breath. A very special intimacy with myself. I get to feel my breath and ride it through my body, my sensations. I get to make love to myself and that way find healing, learning, growth.

It helps me as an immediate reflection of what I’m doing. Am I helping myself or not in my choices. What I had for dinner last night is making my body feel light and strong or heavy and dull? What I choose to tell my body is a message of gratitude and love or disapproval and rejection? What am I creating: healing or disease? For it takes the exact same amount of effort. There is no time for over analyzing, every exhale and every inhale come with so much information I have to stop thinking, controlling and start experiencing, observing, feeling. And eventually, make smarter choices.

I get to experience my magic, my perfection. I am awe of myself.
Spiritual practice? I think so.
And many times, that’s what makes it so hard. It is a tool for exploring yourself and I can’t think of anything scarier than diving into my own universe. It is work. It’s up to you to decide if it’s worth it.

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We sometimes talk about the things we used to do, how we used to be, as different lives. Like parts of ourselves that are still there but we just don’t know about each other. So we don’t get to know each other fully. Ever.
I guess it takes a whole shared life to kind of sorta get to know a person. Or to get the feeling of being understood by other.

I feel so far away from “the Diana I used to be”, it makes me feel lonely. I guess who ever I am now doesn’t feels right, I’m wearing a suit that doesn’t fit. Everybody around putting their opinion, all I want now is silence. I want to figure things on my own. I want silence so I can hear myself. I want to decide what to do with my life without everybody around me telling me what they want me to do, what they think is right, what they need, “what is best for me”.

Of course my path is different than yours. It’s mine. It’s meant to make sense to me. Not you
.
I’ve been torn between staying on this ride or not, it’s draining. All this pieces flowing around I haven’t been able to arrange them in the right way. I admire Chris commitment. His life is Pedaling for Peace. Nothing is more important and everything, e v e r y t h i n g is understood in P4P terms. I am not that black and white and my motivations, needs and desires are different.

And as lost as I am, there are a few things about myself that I do know..

1 I need to be learning. I’m not talking about life learning, for me that’s implied and it’s independent of what actually happens in life, that learning comes inside and you can learn about life in your kitchen while making your tea as much as standing in front of the Grand Canyon, if you pay attention. But the learning I’m talking about is of actually studying something, taking classes, having some sort of teacher. I need to be a student. And while some people are great at learning by themselves, I’m not. I gave most of my books away when I joined this ride but otherwise I would have a whole set of boxes filled with “Teach yourself” books to prove, YET, I don’t speak latin, or sanscrit, I don’t play guitar, I’m no carpenter… ppfff… and I’m lazy, unless I HAVE to do my homework, I’ll be forever procastinating. I’m unorganized and unless I have a deadline and a set time for ‘class’ I’ll start filling up my time with random endless other things. So no “teach yourself” for me…. let me rephrase, some “teach yourself” for me, but some “someone else teaches me” too!

2 I need at least three hours of exercise a day. Hardcore, sweat the life out of you exercise. For my mental health. For my spiritual growth. The lights dim down (is that the way to say it?) when I don’t have that level of physical activity. Maybe it’s the natural brain drugs overdose, the rush of endorphins that I crave for. I think there’s more to it. It purifies me, strengthens me, keeps me sharp and focus. Somehow running for example, helps me feel independent, free, wild, powerful… yoga makes me feel loving, kind, sensual, endless… once you’ve felt that, how can you live without it?

3 I need music. Background music for my exercise, writing, yoga, cooking. But most importantly I need to sit, alone with music and LISTEN. Let me get lost in the notes, let it take my breath away. Feel myself dancing inside and open my eyes to bright colors around me.

4 I love alcohol. That is good or bad or this or that. All of it it’s true. Alcohol is damaging for the body and it takes a lot of life energy to process. BUT, have you ever had a wine of your age? Have you ever been involved enough with this living entity to allow yourself to be transported and have IT tell you it’s story? Have you ever harvested fresh lavender and rosemary and prepared and elixir with it, slowly, patiently, watching the herbs opening up, giving away their soul and drank it? Have you ever recognized a time, place and heart in what you’re drinking? … if you haven’t then drop it, yes. There’s no point in damaging your body like that, but if you had, then you know what I’m talking about, you understand the alchemy behind it and you can appreciate it… and as a past life alchemist I tell you, it’s medicine.

5 I love baking and cooking… and eating. So I need good alive food to be happy and healthy. For me this goes beyond health, it’s a sacred experience. Not that I always do it with awareness, that would be amazing! No, sometimes I just eat because I’m hungry or craving… but there are those moments of total union, when I am aware, I’m becoming one with my food in the most beautiful, mysical, profound way. I get delighted by the colors and aromas, the orgasmic sensation in my tongue and body… wow!!

6 I love sex. For the same reasons as I love food, for the same reason I love life. I don’t understand sex, I am still trapped in the mind nonsense that has nothing to do with love and like with everything else, sometimes I’m lazy or what ever, sometimes I just want to fuck, but I am searching for more. Sex can create life and death, sex is life and death. Sex can open doors in such powerful way. Through sex you get to experience your true self, connected to everything, you ARE everything. I think it’s ironic that, actually, I haven’t had much sex… so far anyways=] but have been so so lucky with the partners I’ve had, because they have all loved me and that’s the first step. There has to be love. Most people get stuck in the first step.

7 I need to pour myself in what ever I do. Of course my daily life, like yours, it’s filled with random unimportant things and so so many of those I do unconsciously, Ha! many important things I do unconsciously too! But I try to be aware and to find delight in all, little by little. One of my closest friends told me once he loved my soaps and products because my heart was there to the last little detail. And that’s me, wrapping each soap one by one with love, thinking about the magic of herbs and imagining who ever uses it, finding pleasure and magic in the shower, cutting by hand the labels for hours, slowly. Not a good business maybe, but my heart is there and sometimes it beats slowly and I won’t rush it. I rather do something else than interfering with the rhythm of my heart.

So there I am in a nutshell… a very basic nutshell, we could carry on forever. Even at this basic level I’m struggling in making it fit with the ride. In theory it fits, the elements are there…

31.859577-116.606428

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I just finished Pirates of the Caribbean – At the Worlds End, and it dawned on me as the East India Trading Company flag ship, under the colors of her Majesties Navy was obliterated… All this time, I have been wrenching myself and causing myself no end of stress as to the plight of man and what we do to ourselves, centered on the LIFE and Nature of this planet.
And my salvation came to me in t

hat last fiery cataclysm of a ship, that the only thing that can happen, on THIS PARTICULAR PLANET is for life to always march on. Man can no more get rid of life on this planet, then he can change the fact he is human and of nature!
It is a living planet. Anything which wishes to endure here on this rock, MUST BE ALIVE. Though the machinations of man are vast and his conquests beyond comprehension even to himself, it matters not, for if they do not espouse the good, the good being life, they will ultimately fail, that is a given as it can be no other way. The very seeds of their failure are inherent in the design if it does not promote life.
As to the good or the bad of a thing, it is easier said, is it alive or is it not. That which lives will live go on, that which does not, cannot.
To focus on oneself, to grow your own food if you are sickened by what “civilization” does to them, to move your family if need be to match your values and not try and force your values on a geographic region, that is the key to a successful beginning at learning to live this thing called life.
For those who wish a world of machines, well, good luck creating your Cybertron, it will never happen here, so I wish you a pleasant and speedy journey with no ill will and may the wind be in your sails and the seas of space calm before you=]
This is our planet and it is a living thing, now and forever[1].
————————————————
[1]Until said time as the sun Super Novas or Dwarfs or whatever it is when everything in the general vicinity turns to ash and begins again.

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I dont pretend to have a clue about you or the life you are leading right now, so it would be foolish of me to offer any hard and fast advice on this when I am as clueless as the next person.

That young lady in the picture, well, she was with me for the second year of my bike ride and now she is gone. I havent even begun to cry yet… O.K., I cried a whole lot and then she decided to continue. So, if you go with a lover, you never know where that particular road will lead you. I for one love being in love as much as being in heartbreak as it makes things real. This is a dangerous feeling to like as one can easily see the set up for failure it may easily bring about, but this is a different story entirely…

I have met many people while riding, some are riding alone, others with one or two people, others come replete with an entire armada and support vehicles.

Whatever route you personally decide to take in your ride, all I can offer you is this:

Make sure that you are having fun and if you are not, then at last make sure you are growing. if you find that you have to constantly convince the person you are with to stay on the ride, therein lies the answer.

In all honesty and reality, you could be killed at any moment, make sure you are happy to be alone, make sure you are happy with your company, make sure you are happy with the life you are living on the road.