Monday, April 1, 2013

Poission D'Avril, Fools

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Hello from sunny,
smiling Montreal! Ha. April Fools. It's never sunny here and no one ever
smiles. Still! I assure you I attempt to melt their chilly dispositions every
single day. So how is my posse doing? I hope everyone had a great
Easter/Passover and I hope you all enjoyed your peep/Cadbury egg sugar comas.
Goodness, Easter weekend made me TRUNKY! All I wanted to do was go on Easter
egg hunts and dye Easter eggs and wear a pretty Easter dress to church. I still
got to be a diva this week and perform at an Easter Cantata with our fabulous
missionary choir though (which I carried by the way, no surprise there). So
Easter was just as great as ever! Nevertheless, eat a marshmallow peep or two
and pick tulips in my honor, eh?

This week was INSANE!
My greenie and I are on fire. She is seriously so great! We're having waaaay
too much fun out here. Sometimes we slip up and sing songs from Les Miserables
as we walk from place to place, but hey, it happens to the best of us. It's
really important to enjoy simple pleasures on the mission, so I find that
belting a few lines of "On My Own" isn't hurting anyone. Plus, I've
gotten us lost more times than I care to admit, so sometimes it's good to sing
for comfort. ESPECIALLY this week when I realized we were on a street at 8:30
at night that the elders asked us specifically not to go on after dark...
Whoops. To make matters worse, my companion and I started telling each other
scary stories about all of the times we've been followed home or creeped by
lurkers. Yeah, worst idea EVER. But as you can see, I'm still alive this week,
so all is well!

Alright, let's get to
the good stuff. Story of the week! (Nay, story of my LIFE!) I've seriously been
through the looney bin and back, I tell you. So here it goes. A couple weeks
back the elders referred Sister Cantu and me to a potential investigator. When
we visited her she was very sweet, very normal. That's why when I set up an
appointment with her for a lesson this week for my cute little greenie, I
thought it would be a good experience. Ohhhhh, how I was wrong. So very, very
wrong. The woman says she can only meet us at 9 in the morning, so we head out
to visit her apartment at the crack of dawn. My brain doesn't usually start
functioning until noon, so I knew we were in for a trip. First, she gave us the
wrong address. For ONE HOUR my companion and I are wandering the streets of
Montreal. I take us clear out to the train tracks, and it wasn't until then
that I thought, "Huh... maybe she gave us the wrong address. This doesn't
look very familiar." Luckily it was a beautiful, sunny spring morning, so
it wasn't entirely wasted on us. STILL. I desperately wanted to find this woman
and not look like a completely disoriented fool. To make a long story short, I
finally manage to find her apartment. We get to the door. Surprise! She's not
there. I nearly lost it, but I needed to be strong for my precious greenie. As
we're heading home feeling all dejected, we run into this lady that looks...
familiar? I'm getting suspicious. We wish her a happy Easter, then move along.
Suddenly she says, "WAIT! Y'all Mormons?" And we're like,
"...Yes..." MIRACLE! It turns out it was her! So she takes us
back to her apartment. This is where the real trouble began. She starts telling
us she had been partying all night, and from the smell of it and from the
bloodshot eyes, I definitely believed her. At first it's going well though. She
says she feels bad and wants to get back on the right path but she can't
forgive herself. My companion and I, fresh from the MTC, are like, "Plan
of Salvation!" and we're getting really excited to teach her. So we start
with a prayer. After the prayer I ask, "What can we do to help you become
closer to God?" This is where things turn interesting. She immediately
breaks down sobbing. She leaves the room and for five minutes we hear her
sobbing and muttering prayers in the other room. We just sit there like,
"Uhhh... what do we do? I don't remember going over this in the MTC!"
She comes back in and then keeps hugging us and saying, "Thank you, thank
you." I'm thinking we're about to have the greatest missionary experience
ever. Aaaaand then things get freaky. She sits us down and informs us that she
is a prophetess, and that thanks to us God has again restored her powers. We're
trying to be polite, but in my mind I'm thinking, "We're going to die,
we're going to die!" Get this. She then proceeds to grab my hand. As you
can imagine, I'm freaking out. She asks if she can read me. I'm like...
"Uh-huh..., okay." She looks deep into my eyes and tells me that I'm
also a prophetess, that I'm going to go
places. "Aaaah, child, not on planes, trains or automobiles. Oh no. You
gonna be carried on the wings of angels! God is gonna give his little princess
everything!" She said a lot of other nice things, maybe I won't go into
detail. I don't want to sound apostate, but wow this woman was...perceptive.
She has a gift is all I'm going to say. She then moves on to my companion.
"Girl, you gonna flip and flip and flip and flip people over! You're an
acrobat!" And then she sits back and starts cackling. And we just sit
there like... what is going on? This woman is on crack. We politely thank her
and try to move on with our lesson. She bolts up, leaves the house, and comes
back two minutes later as we're trying to escape. She brings out these big
speakers, plugs in her iPod and starts singing Christian rock to us for another
ten minutes. Ha ha I just sat there smiling. God has a sense of humor. Anyway,
don't ask us how, but we finally escaped. I'll let you know how it goes with
her. She's a delight!

Other than that
craziness, I think we're staying safe! We were nearly poisoned by cake that a
less active baked a year ago, but I promise you I'm trying my best to stay out
of danger. Missions are a TRIP! I LOVE IT! I am so happy I chose to serve a
mission. Montreal is a riot. I hope everyone is doing well! SHOUT OUT to Aunt
Shannon for baking us delicious cookies! They were still fresh! It was amazing.
My roommates are all demanding the recipe. We are getting fat, fat, FAT! I've
decided to embrace it. Thank you to everyone for all of the love and support! I
am incredibly blessed. I hope everyone has a fabulous, dazzling week! Wear your
brightest, hippest eye shadow in my honor! Peace and blessings!

About Me

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Welcome to the Jungle

Friends, this isn't your average mommy blog. In fact, it is probably the farthest thing from it. Welcome to my mission blog! Before you get disappointed, remember that mission blogs can be just as cool as mommy blogs. Just think of it as the online diary of a nun, only the nun gets to gallivant around Quebec and be a cougar to sweet, sweet naive elders for the next 18 months. Yeah. Now try and tell yourself you're not going to want to hardcore stalk this thing. Although there will be a scarcity of bearded husbands in hipster glasses and cute, chubby babies on this page, I will try not to disappoint. About once a week my mom will post my mission letters and possibly pictures of my ballooning missionary figure here. In the event that this page remains stagnant of activity for some time, don't assume that I have died and move on with your life. Feel free to harass my family members until they post the letters you so obviously crave. If you would like to take your stalking to the next level, you are more than welcome to drop me a line. My mailing addresses are located here and on facebook should you have need of me in your life. Serving in the Canada Montréal mission is a dream come true, but I will miss my clan back in P-town. God be with you till we meet again. Keep in touch. Don't do anything I wouldn't do!