COLUMN: The threat of dying gets our attention

By Hafey Jones

Published: Tuesday, February 5, 2013 at 07:45 PM.

The Doomsday Clock, a symbolic reminder begun in 1945 by nuclear physicists, reminds us how close mankind might be to a nuclear cataclysm. The clock represents all possible causes of a coming doomsday arriving at 12 o’clock. The Doomsday Clock is set at 11:55. Will it happen?

If you’re like me, you probably give the Doomsday Clock little thought. We dismiss its purpose to avoid a possible worldwide disaster and focus on other issues. Besides, the possibility of a doomsday is out of our control and one for world leaders to resolve. So we reason. The attempt to shock us enough individually to change habits probably fails. Our ways of thinking and acting are too entrenched. Is there anything that might bring about needed changes the threat of a Doomsday Clock fails to do?

I read about and see on television the mangled bodies of children and grownups, male and female, in Syria and Africa as examples. No problem, too distant to touch me (perhaps, creating a pious ﬂeeting feeling of empathy). Does anything get my attention? The answer is one I avoid thinking about. My personal doomsday event draws closer day by day from which I can’t escape: my own exit from this life — and so each of us. Why give such a negative, inescapable event much thought?

Growing up in the ’30s and ’40s, tent revivals were plentiful and a source of free “entertainment” for me and my buddies. A constant theme from the evangelists was death and what follows if we didn’t change our ways. More than once, I saw myself dangling, terrified, over the fiery pit prepared by an angry deity. What followed was a morbid, crippling fear of dying. Often home, school, and church participated in the threat of physical punishment to change behavior.

Life decisions, no matter how noble, shouldn’t be based on the fear of punishment, especially for the young. The outcome is never promising. Rather, one should attempt to build a healthy respect for a reasoned approach to life that leads to a loving, caring person who respects life’s engagement. When a morbid fear of dying goes underground, one might face the stresses and anxieties of life in denial. It’s the fear of dying that bothers us. Gradually, we lose the core of our being, forget who we really are. The results can be disastrous.

We immerse ourselves in continuous activities that prevent us from being alone with our thoughts. We look to others to tell us what is important and what can make us happy. We deaden the voice of our uniqueness and think no thoughts not handed down by friends, family and social institutions. We sit on the core of our humanity like robots, manipulated by and living the dream of others while boasting how free we are, living as we please. Involved in the daily treadmill, we live as someone on a stationary bicycle, pedaling but going nowhere. Mercifully, inevitably, something felt to be a crisis comes along (for me, a racing heart approaching middle age which led to facing my possible death and a thorough reevaluation of my life). Hopefully, our doomsday — the threat of dying — gets our attention. What then?

Before you dismiss what I’m saying, I suspect most religious leaders and counselors believe no one can live fully until one works through emotionally the fear of dying. I’m advocating an awareness of one’s dying that is realistic and practical. It leads to decisions a wise person would make. An example: when talking to an insurance agent about life insurance, I said, “If I die ...” I was interrupted, “You mean when you die, don’t you?” When a crisis comes and forces us to focus on ourselves closely, revealing our shallowness and a possible neglected life, what can we do? No easy ﬁx will do. A “pie in the sky by and by” approach alone hides the cure which involves a process that will be painful. Eventually, we face questions we have failed to ask: Who is the real me? What in the past has shaped the person I’ve become? What changes do I need to make in my thinking and behavior? If the body breaks down, we usually go to someone trained in ﬁnding the cause and possible cures. With emotional problems, it helps to have a professional, a partner, or a friend who will listen and give helpful support.

The Doomsday Clock, a symbolic reminder begun in 1945 by nuclear physicists, reminds us how close mankind might be to a nuclear cataclysm. The clock represents all possible causes of a coming doomsday arriving at 12 o’clock. The Doomsday Clock is set at 11:55. Will it happen?

If you’re like me, you probably give the Doomsday Clock little thought. We dismiss its purpose to avoid a possible worldwide disaster and focus on other issues. Besides, the possibility of a doomsday is out of our control and one for world leaders to resolve. So we reason. The attempt to shock us enough individually to change habits probably fails. Our ways of thinking and acting are too entrenched. Is there anything that might bring about needed changes the threat of a Doomsday Clock fails to do?

I read about and see on television the mangled bodies of children and grownups, male and female, in Syria and Africa as examples. No problem, too distant to touch me (perhaps, creating a pious ﬂeeting feeling of empathy). Does anything get my attention? The answer is one I avoid thinking about. My personal doomsday event draws closer day by day from which I can’t escape: my own exit from this life — and so each of us. Why give such a negative, inescapable event much thought?

Growing up in the ’30s and ’40s, tent revivals were plentiful and a source of free “entertainment” for me and my buddies. A constant theme from the evangelists was death and what follows if we didn’t change our ways. More than once, I saw myself dangling, terrified, over the fiery pit prepared by an angry deity. What followed was a morbid, crippling fear of dying. Often home, school, and church participated in the threat of physical punishment to change behavior.

Life decisions, no matter how noble, shouldn’t be based on the fear of punishment, especially for the young. The outcome is never promising. Rather, one should attempt to build a healthy respect for a reasoned approach to life that leads to a loving, caring person who respects life’s engagement. When a morbid fear of dying goes underground, one might face the stresses and anxieties of life in denial. It’s the fear of dying that bothers us. Gradually, we lose the core of our being, forget who we really are. The results can be disastrous.

We immerse ourselves in continuous activities that prevent us from being alone with our thoughts. We look to others to tell us what is important and what can make us happy. We deaden the voice of our uniqueness and think no thoughts not handed down by friends, family and social institutions. We sit on the core of our humanity like robots, manipulated by and living the dream of others while boasting how free we are, living as we please. Involved in the daily treadmill, we live as someone on a stationary bicycle, pedaling but going nowhere. Mercifully, inevitably, something felt to be a crisis comes along (for me, a racing heart approaching middle age which led to facing my possible death and a thorough reevaluation of my life). Hopefully, our doomsday — the threat of dying — gets our attention. What then?

Before you dismiss what I’m saying, I suspect most religious leaders and counselors believe no one can live fully until one works through emotionally the fear of dying. I’m advocating an awareness of one’s dying that is realistic and practical. It leads to decisions a wise person would make. An example: when talking to an insurance agent about life insurance, I said, “If I die ...” I was interrupted, “You mean when you die, don’t you?” When a crisis comes and forces us to focus on ourselves closely, revealing our shallowness and a possible neglected life, what can we do? No easy ﬁx will do. A “pie in the sky by and by” approach alone hides the cure which involves a process that will be painful. Eventually, we face questions we have failed to ask: Who is the real me? What in the past has shaped the person I’ve become? What changes do I need to make in my thinking and behavior? If the body breaks down, we usually go to someone trained in ﬁnding the cause and possible cures. With emotional problems, it helps to have a professional, a partner, or a friend who will listen and give helpful support.

Not knowing ourselves, we know nothing else. Knowing ourselves, we know everything necessary to know. Eventually, our doomsday is felt to be an impostor. We touch the core of ourselves and experience our own divinity. Saul Alinsky has written, “Once you accept your own death, all of a sudden you are free to live.”