Eyes on the stars

Fake it till you make it…

Why not? You can fake it till you make it, till you actually have a routine and a habit that positively reinforces who you want to be…right…?

I think this works in some situations, like the doorway drill; every time you walk through a doorway pull your shoulders back, smile, straighten up and open your body, do this even in your own home. It invigorates emotionally how you are portraying yourself physically so in the end, you do this without even thinking about it, every time you walk through a doorway. Genius.

However, some forms of faking it aren’t so productive, they build walls, smoother emotions and allow you to be numb. This kind of faking it means you never make it, not even close.

Be real, be authentic, be vulnerable. There are quotes with these phrases in that are thrown around like it’s a choice, like it’s that easy. Those words are tough, they initially take a lot of effort and thought and more importantly, bravery.

We all know someone vulnerable, so incredibly open and able to be themselves no matter what the situation. I taught myself that it was safer to please than to stand out. The fear of standing out comes from thinking that if I am not agreeing with people then I will offend them.

The beauty is that others are rarely offended by authenticity. We offend more people by trying to say the right thing to fit in as we can all spot a blurring of the truth, that gut feeling never lies. In this new found battle for originality we end up trying another version of faking it as we know no different and have buried our true feelings so deeply within us that to find them is going to take more than a fleeting moment of needing to be authentic.

Why do we crave openness so much, why is there such a want for truth and honesty? Is it because we have been brought up to see the opposite. Those well known phrases of ‘if you haven’t got anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all’ and ‘don’t wear that, what will people think’ …our image has been built around outside opinions showing that the only way to succeed is to bury who and what you are and assume a persona that you believe is accepted universally. The sacrifice though is you and more than you realise at the time.

Being authentic and vulnerable means admitting you’re imperfect. Perfection is a quest I set myself on long before I even knew what it was. I thought to be perfect meant to be accepted, which in turn would be rewarded by love which means you’re special which means you’re unique and different. It’s brutal to learn that actually being imperfect is the route to all of this. Acceptance of self should be a normality from an early age so that our time here is more enjoyable and our learning can be stretched further, earlier, so that we don’t spend years figuring out why we are here but jump straight into, we’re here, let’s make the most of it.