I’ve had enough of this shit. I’ve had enough of the gossipy London scene, full of sad pathetic little queens with nothing better to do with their spare time than to make things up or twist to truth so that they’ve got something to say at their dingy little dive bars. I’ve had it with the incestuous nature of FaceBook, and Gaydar. I’ve had it with this shit.

Over the next week or two I’ll be weining myself off of the internet. Gaydar is already deleted, next will be FaceBook, I’m not sure I’ll delete it, maybe just stop using it so much. Then MSN Messenger, I waste far too much time on that. I’m not sure whether I want to keep this blog or not yet, I guess I’ll decide that last.

I was planning a party on the 22nd February at my place via FaceBook, but considering the circumstances I’m not sure I’m going to go ahead with that. I’ll sleep on it and make a decision in the next day or two, in enough time for people to make new plans if need be.

Ultimately the plan is to move out of London in the near future, perhaps back up to the Midlands, or down into one of the nicer home counties, but certainly to leave London.

To the person(s) who abused the trust I put in them when I confided in you with my problems, and issues – I hope you’re happy, maybe this is what you wanted, maybe knowing that I feel dead on the inside, as my doctors steadily increase my anti-depressants and sleeping pills makes you happy who knows. To the people who this will inconvenience, please accept my apologies – but it’s for the best, and you know how to contact me if you want to stay in touch.

I like the concept of Valentine’s Day even if it is a little over commercial and vaguely pointless. I especially like the bit about getting cards and chocolates! This year however for the first time I received an anonymous valentines card. I mean it’s all well and nice to feel wanted, but it’s also quite frustrating having absolutely no idea who sent it. I mean how am I supposed to respond to the “Be Mine” if I don’t know who sent it? Are they going to reveal themselves, and if they do will I know it’s the person who sent the card? Gah.

All I have to go on is quite a funny, simply card with “Be Mine” on front (with a picture of a bee), and “from ME” on the inside. Also the card was hand made in New York, with American prices on the back, which could be a clue. But it was posted inside the UK yesterday. Look at me getting all Jessica Fletcher!

Anyway, I do hope they reveal themselves – even if it was just a joke, otherwise I’ll never know!

The weather appears to be picking up, which is nice. For far too has it been cold, grey and wet outside – but finally the sun is breaking through. It’s just warm enough to pop to the corner shop in a t-shirt and not shiver. Marvellous. It makes a nice change to be bathed by the warm glow of sunlight through the balcony doors rather than pulling the blinds down to hide the miserable weather.

I’ve developed a real taste for peanut M&M’s over the last few days, well since Friday really when Gari left a huge bag here. Since then I’ve gone through another party sized bag already. I know it’s hardly healthy – but they’re soooo nice. Donations most welcome…

Not sure what to do with myself this week, I mean I’ve got “Kuesday Drinks” (Ku Bar + Tuesday, yes I know) tomorrow which will be nice, more party planning too I suppose. Maybe I’ll spend some time downstairs in the gym and pool, try and get a bit fitter. Not that I’ve let myself go or anything, but exercise is supposed to be an good mood elevator, so yeah – we’ll see.

I’m aware I haven’t posted in well over a week now, 9 days I think actually – but I’ve been busy, busy I tell you… well maybe not, but still – I’ve been doing things.

I spent today chilling out with Gari at home, watching DVDs and eating chocolates (M&M’s and Malteasers). He’d never seen ‘Romy & Michelle’s High School Reunion’, naturally I was appalled and made sure he saw it without delay! We also watched Family Guy ‘Blue Harvest’ which is a Star Wars parody, and Alan Carr’s ‘Toothfairy Live’. DVDs look sooo much better through my new PS3 due to the wonderful upscaling technology!

I decided this week that I’m going to hold a house party, I haven’t held one in about 4 or 5 years which is clearly far too long. It’ll take a fair bit of planning, but I’m keeping the numbers quite low – so I can provide nice nibbles and pretty things, make it all rather fabulous. Those in the know already know, so to speak 😉

I gave Cosmo a treat this evening, a can of tuna instead of his usual Felix – he took forever to eat it, savouring it slowly, but now he refuses to leave his bowl in case I put some more down. Foolish foolish cat.

Not got much planned this weekend, plannig to take it all very nice and easy – which will be nice. I expect I’ll spend a lot of it sat on the sofa playing Lego StarWars, or Ratchet & Clank on the PS3!

I met Chris E last night after work, we grabbed a cocktail at Freedom in Soho, before wandering down to Loch Fyne in Covent Garden for a spot of dinner over a bottle of wine. I had squid followed by moules, and Chris had moules followed by lobster, all in all a very fishy meal!

After dinner we headed up to Ku Bar for Kuesday Drinks organised by Carlos. We met up with too many gays to remember, sadly we missed Tim & Rich by about 30 minutes. But caught up with Chris P, Alex N, Gari D, Wayne, Simon, Jonny, Richard, Caspar and others. Much much gin was consumed, and when Ku Bar closed we headed downstairs to Ku Klub for dancing and more gin. Caspar managed to drop one glass, and then stand up and headbutt my drink out of my hand too – it was very impressive! We danced to Britney and more until they closed at 3am. Walking back to Trafalgar Square we stopped off at Tesco Metro and got snacks – apparently I shouted “GOOD NIGHT AND NO BUMSEX” as loudly as I could manage when we split ways!

Today I had to get up waaaaay early to go for assessment by a SLAM CMHT nurse, it was less traumatic than I was expecting, but not entirely pleasant! It’s in the arse end of nowhere to begin with too, I had to get a BUS! Spent this evening watching Ugly Betty on my PS3. I love my PS3, it Rocks. PS3.

I’ve not been online too much this weekend, partly because I’ve had so much on! I am completely knackered from all my antics this weekend – but it’s been worth it.

Friday was the wake of Popstarz at the Scala, I met up with Chris E, Chris P, Josh R, Ollie, Tim G, Richard, Jon and some others. We danced from 11pm to 4am, I even took my shirt off! The best part I think was dancing to The Spice Girls ‘who do you think you are’ in the packed pop lounge. Then we queued for about 30 minutes to get our coats back before heading to Richard & Tim’s house for an after party with even more booze!

Woke up Saturday morning around 9am, and started to head home. Then halfway I made a detour to meet GJ and Jason for coffee at London Bridge. This being GJ it *had* to be Starbucks. I was feeling a little delicate so I just had a chamomile tea and headed home leaving them to their plans for the day. Then around 3pm I met Alan (moogal) and his sister for a late lunch at Pizza Express at Canary Wharf – they’d had a crazy day of house hunting in London, now they’ve decided to move down. Saturday night I met up my new friend Christoph in Mudchute for a nice glass of wine and a chat, then headed off to meet Joe who was feeling down, and we chilled out and had a chat, which seemed to cheer him up a bit.

Sunday morning I head headed back from Joe’s place, stopped at Waitrose in Canary Wharf to pick up some essentials, and then headed home. I’ve been playing with Cosmo and tidying most of today. It’s 19.18 now and I’m just cooking dinner (pork with chorizo and spicy bean, served with mash and buttered spinach) before heading out with Ben H for a drink or two and maybe a film at Canary Wharf.

Luckily this coming week looks a bit quieter, well apart from Tuesday when GJ is coming over for the day to hang out – that won’t be quiet at all. Well perhaps if I gagged him :-p

This evening to cheer myself up I had a lazy night in with DVDs and junk food. I enjoyed the back to back, non stop Ugly Betty episodes. and I enjoyed the junk food – but I think I took it a bit far. Sat here at 2.24am I realise eating a 15″ deep pan meaty pizza, 6 slices of garlic bread, 8 chicken wines, an entire tub of cookies and cream Häagen-Dazs and a bottle of Coca-Cola wasn’t the greatest idea I’ve ever had. At this stage I feel it may be easier to simply roll myself to bed.

Saw the doctor again today, arranging meetings with various mental health officers, and picked up another carrier bag full of prescription drugs (all prescribed for me I might add) from the chemist, they used to look surprised when I walked in with a ‘scrip sheet longer than the Doomsday Book, not any more. An anti-depressant here, an anti-psychotic there, two inhalers, and some Temazepam to help me sleep after all of that. I think next up is some sort of GPS tracking implant so they can find me when I wander off…

Tomorrow I need to post my invoice to our managing agents, who have finally agreed to pay me to run the residents website, which will help in a big way financially. Am also thinking about getting another tattoo, but this depends whether I get paid or not today (Friday). Must also chase up a £200 refund I’m waiting on, they’re messing me about something rotten, they’ve got 72 more hours before I go all Mariah Carey on their asses.

Finally to finish with, here’s the music video for a song I’ve been listening to a LOT recently, it relaxes me a lot – and I find it quite relevant. It’s Zero 7 with their song ‘Destiny’.