Atheist Nexus2017-08-18T06:00:17ZSeanhttp://atheistnexus.org/profile/townsendhttp://api.ning.com/files/d4NIPyiZtMmfDojgBW0zlzL6Miunbe*J-wbsHHB9K5XXbBFfePg92RluJeuNWzV5UOU2Z7-aaDh4pqZJt3wintryD*DL1Ndm/sean.png?width=48&height=48&crop=1%3A1http://atheistnexus.org/group/atheistsingles/forum/topic/listForContributor?user=37b4xkb7qg624&feed=yes&xn_auth=noI gave up love & dating.tag:atheistnexus.org,2017-01-18:2182797:Topic:27315742017-01-18T19:49:20.066ZSeanhttp://atheistnexus.org/profile/townsend
<p><span>I am 22 year old virgin male, I have never dated a girl in my life. Never kissed a girl</span><br></br><span>- I used to be nice, now I am mean.</span><br></br><span>- Now I am aggressive.</span><br></br><span>- I don't smile anymore.</span><br></br><span>- If someone asks me to smile, I scowl at them.</span><br></br><span>- I am much meaner to women, I pull bug pranks on them, I make fun of them.</span><br></br><span>- In college classes that are predominantly female, I make mildly sexist…</span></p>
<p><span>I am 22 year old virgin male, I have never dated a girl in my life. Never kissed a girl</span><br/><span>- I used to be nice, now I am mean.</span><br/><span>- Now I am aggressive.</span><br/><span>- I don't smile anymore.</span><br/><span>- If someone asks me to smile, I scowl at them.</span><br/><span>- I am much meaner to women, I pull bug pranks on them, I make fun of them.</span><br/><span>- In college classes that are predominantly female, I make mildly sexist jokes.</span><br/><span>- I feel extreme envy of couples being cute/affectionate.</span><br/><span>- One time, I was playing truth or dare with some friends/acquaintances, a girl asked me "Have u ever french kissed a girl?" I said:" Only a peck on the lips", then some guy asked me mockingly if I am a virgin. I honestly felt like I wanted to keep hitting both of them with an ax until they severely bleed.</span><br/><span>- 2 days ago I asked a girl out over text , who I had the hots for almost a year, she did not respond. I was not heart broken, I was not shocked, but feelings of apathy, indifference , and vengeance.</span><br/><span>I don't care anymore if I die a kissless forever alone virgin. I think love is a mental plague.</span></p> Do I have to get married to be with a woman?tag:atheistnexus.org,2014-08-14:2182797:Topic:24601312014-08-14T23:27:38.162ZSeanhttp://atheistnexus.org/profile/townsend
<p>Can I quit my involuntary celibacy without having to get married?</p>
<p>First, some rather basic observations:</p>
<p>1. All men and all women have companionship needs (or sexual needs or however you think I should best call it).</p>
<p>2. You cannot just choose to make your libido go away, or you cannot quit having the need. Everybody has the need, no matter whether somebody is a priest or the president or anybody, no matter which religion you were brainwashed into. You will have the need…</p>
<p>Can I quit my involuntary celibacy without having to get married?</p>
<p>First, some rather basic observations:</p>
<p>1. All men and all women have companionship needs (or sexual needs or however you think I should best call it).</p>
<p>2. You cannot just choose to make your libido go away, or you cannot quit having the need. Everybody has the need, no matter whether somebody is a priest or the president or anybody, no matter which religion you were brainwashed into. You will have the need even if you do not want to have the need. You can pretend you do not have the need but you will still have it.</p>
<p>3. Involuntary celibacy is a label some men used in certain places online to describe their situation of being seriously unhappy in life because they can't find a woman.</p>
<p>4. I was raised Jewish. I was taught that I had to "marry Jewish." I was taught that only married people have sex. I was afraid to talk to non-Jewish women until a little after I turned 27. I was afraid to talk about man-woman relationships until I was 26. I felt like sex was a sin or something disgusting, or like if I ever was with a woman it would be like the worst humiliation or embarrassment of my life. I thought if I had a kid it would be the worst embarrassment of my life because everybody would figure out that I had sex.</p>
<p>5. I had an argument or discussion with my aunt and mother where they jumped to several conclusions:</p>
<p>-sex automatically =s pregnancy which =s severe legal problems if I am not married.</p>
<p>-if you have a kid and you are not married, very bad things will happen.</p>
<p>-If I do not want to get married but I still want to meet women, this means I want to have so called "one night stands" - but actually I do want a woman who will not just leave me and will like me for as long as possible unless our personalities change so that we can't live with each other or stand to be around each other anymore.</p>
<p>My thought is that when people want to get married it is like shouting, hey government, you do not know us, you do not know whether we are compatible with each other, but can we pay you to give us a piece of paper that says we are legally associated with each other so we will avoid feeling too guilty due to the possibility of being with somebody without being married?</p>
<p></p>
<p>What kind of bad things will happen if me and a woman are with each other without being married? (Hint: we will not get struck by lightening and religion is horseshit and I don't want the government to have anything to do with man-woman relationships). If a woman likes me enough, she would not want to just leave me and she would not just steal all my money, in which marriage should be just a silly psychological thing or an obsessive-compulsive behavior or a bizarre waste of money, and if I think a woman I want to like actually likes me so little that I think she is likely to just leave me (and steel all my stuff, in which case the government will always be in her favor), why would I want to be with her, marriage or no marriage? And then women are taught that they have to plan a really fancy, expensive party and wear an outfit that she will only wear once which will cost hundreds to thousands of dollars... I never want to have a joint bank account and I can't just let women use me for money or free stuff.</p>
<p></p> Intentional Communities and Synthetic Familiestag:atheistnexus.org,2013-01-02:2182797:Topic:21339902013-01-02T04:56:10.447ZSeanhttp://atheistnexus.org/profile/townsend
<p>I just read an article singled out for a Sydney Award by David Brooks, here:…</p>
<p>I just read an article singled out for a Sydney Award by David Brooks, here: <a href="http://www.tnr.com/article/politics/magazine/104901/ex-mormon-romney-religion-kirn?page=0,0&amp;utm_source=Email&amp;utm_medium=Email&amp;utm_term=EOYTNRDaily&amp;utm_content=AwardWinningJournalism-Mormon&amp;utm_campaign=EOYAward-Dec31">http://www.tnr.com/article/politics/magazine/104901/ex-mormon-romney-religion-kirn?page=0,0&amp;utm_source=Email&amp;utm_medium=Email&amp;utm_term=EOYTNRDaily&amp;utm_content=AwardWinningJournalism-Mormon&amp;utm_campaign=EOYAward-Dec31</a> It's entitled "Confessions of an Ex-Mormon" and is written by Walter Kirn.</p>
<p>It's an interesting story in its own right, despite being a little long, but it brought to mind something I've thought about for a long time. Back when I was married, a friend of mine visited, and at one point he commented that one thing he liked about me was how I always tried to find something to do that all of us would enjoy. Kirn remarks at one point something about how he had forgotten that ordinary, everyday tasks can be done together. I would add (if he didn't--and I don't now remember whether or not he did) that that sense of togetherness seems to me to be something good on its own. It's not that I'm a gregarious party-going sort who spends all of his time socializing with other people and can't stand being alone. In fact, apart from attending chess club once each week, chatting with the countergirls at the local pizza shop on my daily walks, and talking to various members of my family, I spend most of my time in my room, reading or writing or otherwise using my laptop or watching TV. It's not that I wouldn't like to socialize a bit more; I simply don't know anyone and, not driving and disliking bars anyway, I don't meet people except the few with whom I "correspond" via discussion thread posts over on <a href="http://www.chess.com">www.chess.com</a> . And when I was married, the sense of being together was in itself enjoyable--I'd work on what I had to work on while she worked on what she had to work on in another room. But we were together nonetheless.</p>
<p>None of that is the point of this, but I'm getting there. Robert Heinlein mentioned the idea of the "synthetic family" in the first chapter of his book Friday, and although he only used it as a plot device to get things moving, and although it didn't work well in his book, the idea of forming a family of people who choose to be together and who love and care for each other has long been an idea that has appealed to me. And I have heard of intentional communities--groups of people of various numbers who, usually, share an interest or goal (sometimes religious, sometimes ecological, sometimes something else)--of people who have chosen to form not families, exactly, but communities of people who live with or near each other and who work to further the interests of the community together and who form, in a way, extended families.</p>
<p>Still getting there.... Kirn talks about how the Mormons form a long-lasting communitarian experiment. They help each other automatically and without question. (They also help other people automatically and without question, if those other people suffer calamities like floods.) They share the work of daily living and they pool resources. And I like the idea of living that way. But (a) I have no desire to infuse such a group with religiosity, and would like to see it done by a group of people who practiced rationality in their beliefs about reality and who practiced the same sort of automatically helpful sharing of both warmth, caring, and affection, on one hand, and of work and resources, on the other (the latter really being a consequence of the former), and (b) I have no desire to infuse a group with the sorts of irrational limitations on human behavior, and particularly on sexual behavior, that religions and even simply the dominant culture often impose. The expression of warmth can naturally lead to sexuality, and when sexuality is not expressed in order to hurt anybody, then assuming that the potential transmission of STD's is not an issue and that potential pregnancy is not an issue, I see no reason why it should be restricted between people who care about each other.</p>
<p>I would love to be part of a warm, caring, affectionate group of rational nontheists. Some might be artists. Some might be musicians. Some might be mathematicians. Some might be chess players. Some might be architects. Some might be authors. Some might be assembly-line workers. All, however, would be part of the group because they wanted to be; all would share in the benefits and share the burdens of living together or near each other. Were it large enough a group, it could do the sorts of helpful communitarian things some religious groups--like Kirn's Mormons--do for other people, but without encouraging religious belief--indeed, showing people that doing good does not require being religious, thereby encouraging reasonable people to cease holding the irrational religious beliefs that all too many do hold. I do not have any idea how to get such a thing started; and I certainly do not know how to arrange it in a small geographic area. And it would have to be done in small geographic areas, since an Internet community can't go out and directly help people the way a church group can (and because that would hardly be a synthetic family). But I would like to know whether other people here were interested in creating such a family or such a community--somewhere, sometime.</p>
<p>And that was the point.</p> Arriving on timetag:atheistnexus.org,2012-12-26:2182797:Topic:21301182012-12-26T02:37:42.316ZSeanhttp://atheistnexus.org/profile/townsend
<p>Since I came out as an atheist, I have actually gotten a few girls to agree to meet in person, but none arrived on time, at the time we agreed on. One girl agreed to meet at the art museum in our town (Columbus, Ohio), but she didn't show up at the time we planned and I was thinking of leaving but I got her on the phone and convinced her to come, she came 45 minutes later and said she "forgot" about our plans. Later, after talking to her on the phone I realized she is scatterbrained and is…</p>
<p>Since I came out as an atheist, I have actually gotten a few girls to agree to meet in person, but none arrived on time, at the time we agreed on. One girl agreed to meet at the art museum in our town (Columbus, Ohio), but she didn't show up at the time we planned and I was thinking of leaving but I got her on the phone and convinced her to come, she came 45 minutes later and said she "forgot" about our plans. Later, after talking to her on the phone I realized she is scatterbrained and is not able to agree on a time to meet and to be ready at that time. </p>
<p></p>
<p>With another girl, we were having a great conversation about calendar reform, until I became afraid I was talking too much about the same topic even though she was clearly interested, and then I got her to agree to meet at the Columbus Museum of Art but she never showed up but sent me a series of text messages on my cell phone even though I don't pay for texting and I would rather just talk into the phone or even better stick with talking in person and my apartment wall phone. </p>
<p></p>
<p>Two other girls I met in person did show up on time, but barely, and I didn't think they were going to arrive at all and we quit talking rather because I asked too many questions and and gave too much information and they wouldn't talk enough, and this is considering that I used to be afraid to talk in public and I still find it hard to talk in groups or crowded places...</p>
<p></p>
<p>So, when me and a girl agree to meet, I would like her to arrive at least a few minutes before the time we agree on, or even better, a comfortable 5-10 minutes early, so I won't have to wonder whether I should just leave... am I the only person who still arrives on time and wishes other people would also? Am I doing anything else wrong or expecting too much, and how am I supposed to get women to arrive on time and be more serious and keep our plans???</p>
<p></p>
<p></p>
<p></p> Laveyan Satanism, if someone told you they were whats your first impression?tag:atheistnexus.org,2012-08-16:2182797:Topic:20303962012-08-16T13:54:28.341ZSeanhttp://atheistnexus.org/profile/townsend
<p>tltle says it all, i decided to put the subject here because in todays world first impressions can be a deal breaker and people now seem to come to conclussions way too quickly for there own good, it seems to many people don't take the time and simply don't have the interest to ask "yah? well is it what it sounds like? what do they believe? so why is it called? well whats this about than? so if your a part of a atheistic religion (religion i mean as in way of life) group etc that for some…</p>
<p>tltle says it all, i decided to put the subject here because in todays world first impressions can be a deal breaker and people now seem to come to conclussions way too quickly for there own good, it seems to many people don't take the time and simply don't have the interest to ask "yah? well is it what it sounds like? what do they believe? so why is it called? well whats this about than? so if your a part of a atheistic religion (religion i mean as in way of life) group etc that for some reason or another is not understood well even in the atheist community put what it is and what it's about or if your interested in other peoples way of life and mind set please reply and add to this discussion</p>
<p> </p>
<p>me personally im an Laveyan Athesist and im hoping none of you all got any wrong opinions of us due to some retard just looking to be called a satanist and if you do have a wrong oppression than i guess thats what im here for in this case</p> To Date or Not to Date: Should Religion be a Dealbreaker?tag:atheistnexus.org,2012-08-08:2182797:Topic:20247892012-08-08T16:18:29.467ZSeanhttp://atheistnexus.org/profile/townsend
<p><span>I would like all of your perspectives on this as well. Sent this to Matt at Tranifesto.com, as being genderqueer makes me part of the T in LGBT, as well as the L/G.</span><br></br></p>
<p><span>Hi Matt,</span><br></br><span>Firstly, I'd like to say I really enjoy your blog, and I never miss a post! I don't respond much because I am gay and genderqueer, not FTM, and I don't want to intrude too much.</span><br></br><br></br><span>Anyway, I think this is a question that can be helpful to ANY LGBTQ+…</span></p>
<p><span>I would like all of your perspectives on this as well. Sent this to Matt at Tranifesto.com, as being genderqueer makes me part of the T in LGBT, as well as the L/G.</span><br/></p>
<p><span>Hi Matt,</span><br/><span>Firstly, I'd like to say I really enjoy your blog, and I never miss a post! I don't respond much because I am gay and genderqueer, not FTM, and I don't want to intrude too much.</span><br/><br/><span>Anyway, I think this is a question that can be helpful to ANY LGBTQ+ person, and I'd like to get your perspective. My question is handling prospective relationships across different faiths, and faith vs no faith. Personally, I prefer to date other atheists. I have a VERY painful past with religion, as you might have read in the post on the transphobic incident with the Shul. However, I get a lot of flack for making organized religion a dealbreaker. Here are my reasons for that:</span></p>
<div class="text_exposed_show"><br/>1) I am a militant, hardline atheist. I don't make any apologies about the fact that I did a LOT of research over the course of three years into the Abrahamic faiths, and I learned a lot that most believers either don't know or choose to ignore.<br/><br/>2) I have PTSD when it comes to churches. I literally cannot go into one without taking a xanax and hoping it doesn't wear off and I don't have a panic attack.<br/><br/>3) When someone is heavily faithful, it permeates every aspect of their lives, and, by default, the lives of those close to them. I don't want those beliefs and the actions of a religious partner that are a result of them affecting me on any deep level. I don't see how this could be avoided.<br/><br/>4) I want to understand my partner on a deep level in every way possible. Dating a faithful partner would mean that there is a deep part of her, and something she holds very dear that I cannot understand, and, in some ways, don't even have a whole lot of respect for.<br/><br/>5) I view religion as a huge reason for the oppression of LGBT+ people in America and around the world, and I really can't see it being anything short of masochistic to participate in a system of beliefs that, essentially, finds my mode of living and the very core of what I am to be some kind of offensive abomination.<br/><br/>Now, do you see these reasons as valid for making religion a dealbreaker when searching for a mate? If not, why not?<br/><br/>Also, I have been accused of being discriminatory, but I put it into the category with all other dealbreakers. For instance, I don't want children, and don't date women who have or want children. Nobody seems to have a problem with that. Why is it a problem to make religion a dealbreaker, but not kids? </div>
<div class="text_exposed_show"></div>
<div class="text_exposed_show">Note: Some of this is gay/blog specific, but I think the good folks in here can look and give me some perspectives. :)</div> Pretty close to done.tag:atheistnexus.org,2012-07-26:2182797:Topic:20139522012-07-26T11:54:06.692ZSeanhttp://atheistnexus.org/profile/townsend
<p>Being a non-believer sucks. I can't help what I can't believe, so it is not as if I chose isolation, just like I did not choose my parents. It does not pay to be honest in society because everyone keeps the mask of their ancestor's religion wrapped so tightly around their heart that they can't see what is right in front of them. Couple social awkwardness with a reasoned outlook and you have a recipe for dying a lonely old man in a two bedroom house. I have already passed the prime coupling…</p>
<p>Being a non-believer sucks. I can't help what I can't believe, so it is not as if I chose isolation, just like I did not choose my parents. It does not pay to be honest in society because everyone keeps the mask of their ancestor's religion wrapped so tightly around their heart that they can't see what is right in front of them. Couple social awkwardness with a reasoned outlook and you have a recipe for dying a lonely old man in a two bedroom house. I have already passed the prime coupling age, and am quickly approaching 40. I cannot just cancel my mortgage and pick up and move to a big city with a larger pool of non-believers. The online sites are slim pickings for someone who won't compromise their principals, and even here, anyone who may spark an interest is 400 miles away or in England. I want to believe that the only limits a person sets on themselves are self created, but that is New Age b.s. designed for motivational posters and Tony Robbins seminars. I have so much to offer, but no one is buying what I am selling, and it is definitely a buyer's market, now, more than ever.</p> Atheist Dating Servicetag:atheistnexus.org,2012-07-21:2182797:Topic:20096132012-07-21T22:06:28.671ZSeanhttp://atheistnexus.org/profile/townsend
<p><span class="font-size-3"><strong>Look! There is a dating service for Atheists!</strong></span></p>
<p> </p>
<blockquote><strong>Atheist Dating Service is an online singles site that gives you the best chance to date fellow Atheists.</strong></blockquote>
<blockquote><p>Atheist Dating Service is a site that provides a completely confidential and secure resource through which you can be quickly and safely hooked up with your dream date within minutes - and we are not exaggerating! Joining our…</p>
</blockquote>
<p><span class="font-size-3"><strong>Look! There is a dating service for Atheists!</strong></span></p>
<p> </p>
<blockquote><strong>Atheist Dating Service is an online singles site that gives you the best chance to date fellow Atheists.</strong></blockquote>
<blockquote><p>Atheist Dating Service is a site that provides a completely confidential and secure resource through which you can be quickly and safely hooked up with your dream date within minutes - and we are not exaggerating! Joining our atheist singles club only takes the matter of a couple of minutes and once you have you can start viewing profiles and who knows what can happen from there? Finding a date has never been simpler, faster or indeed cheaper because we are free to sign up to, and there is no complicated process to go through when you join. There are Atheists joining our site on a daily basis and looking for other men and women that they can meet and/or date. Our members have told us that they have never seen another dating site that provides the ease of use and safety that Atheist Dating Service has provided them, and we are also unique in that we are a singles site exclusively dedicated to bringing fellow Atheists together from all over the world. Join us now!</p>
<p>With a membership, you'll have access to custom matchmaking tools that make the dating process easy. Enter our chatrooms to meet other members. Send emails and flirts to members that interest you most. Search by area to find singles that are in the same area as you. At our atheist singles club, connecting with others is easy. So create your account today, and give your personal life a kick start.</p>
</blockquote>
<p><strong>Here's the website:<br/><a href="http://www.atheistdatingservice.com/">http://www.atheistdatingservice.com/</a></strong></p> Facebook: You Are What You Post!tag:atheistnexus.org,2012-07-20:2182797:Topic:20088892012-07-20T18:12:50.367ZSeanhttp://atheistnexus.org/profile/townsend
<p><span>Just feel me for a minute. </span><br></br><br></br><span>A friend; whom I’ve known for some time asks me an interesting question; granted her disposition: </span><br></br><br></br><span>“Why can’t I find a man that takes me serious”?</span><br></br><br></br><span>The first aspect that came to mind was her Facebook account. I told her if 99% (emphasis on 99.9%) of your postings are pictures that you say: aint that the truth, so true, that’s right, I agree etc. and if your postings; the…</span></p>
<p><span>Just feel me for a minute. </span><br/><br/><span>A friend; whom I’ve known for some time asks me an interesting question; granted her disposition: </span><br/><br/><span>“Why can’t I find a man that takes me serious”?</span><br/><br/><span>The first aspect that came to mind was her Facebook account. I told her if 99% (emphasis on 99.9%) of your postings are pictures that you say: aint that the truth, so true, that’s right, I agree etc. and if your postings; the</span><span class="text_exposed_show"> ones that do contain more than two sentences state: I’m getting drunk tonight, where’s the party at, I got so wasted, where the weed at, where’s the patron, etc. then HELL…WHO WOULD TAKE YOU SERIOUS! <br/><br/>However, an epiphany came to me: Facebook is better than any DATING SITE IN THE WORLD! The reason is simple: show me an individual who does not write, I’ll show you a person who does not read (a lot to that statement). The shenanigans and self-exposure of infantilization is a daily routine of some people’s mentality; unlike, a short post on a dating site about someone who could completely be fabricating their whole persona. Facebook; however, provides a daily dose of what someone is really like on a daily, monthly; hell, yearly basis. <br/><br/>So…if anyone is utilizing a dating site, ask the individual if he/she is on Facebook; you’ll know truly how serious, business oriented, intellectual, or just retarded someone is truly. <br/><br/>You are what you eat, you are what you think, and you are what you post. SMDH.</span></p> call for "coming out" narratives focused on dating/relationships for atheiststag:atheistnexus.org,2012-06-28:2182797:Topic:19924822012-06-28T17:57:20.908ZSeanhttp://atheistnexus.org/profile/townsend
<p>Hi there, I am writing a book for Columbia University Press on "coming out as atheist" and am still looking for submissions that can speak to identity intersections (race/culture and atheism), aging, workplace issues, <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong>romantic </strong><strong>relationships</strong></span>, and community building.</p>
<p></p>
<p>Please consider submitting a piece! More details here: …</p>
<p></p>
<p>Hi there, I am writing a book for Columbia University Press on "coming out as atheist" and am still looking for submissions that can speak to identity intersections (race/culture and atheism), aging, workplace issues, <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong>romantic </strong><strong>relationships</strong></span>, and community building.</p>
<p></p>
<p>Please consider submitting a piece! More details here: </p>
<p><a href="http://faculty.tc.columbia.edu/upload/meb2222/CALLFORSUBMISSIONS-August.pdf">http://faculty.tc.columbia.edu/upload/meb2222/CALLFORSUBMISSIONS-August.pdf</a></p>
<p></p>
<p>Thank you!</p>
<p>Melanie</p>