Blogging From The Bathroom… What Did My Date Just Say?!?!

Just this past Friday, one of my girlfriends offered me tickets to attend the Honolulu Marathon’s Annual Concert and Luau. I had the absolute best time. Not only did I get to eat free onolicious Hawaiian grinds, but several of the island’s talented musicians were putting on a great show. As I have mentioned in the past, if you are extended an invitation to get out of the house, do your self a favor and just go!

One of the greatest gifts, that came out from my fantastic evening out on the town, was meeting all of my girlfriend’s inner circle. What an a diverse and interesting group of fun women. One of my favorite women, was a Bostonian, living on island for many years now. It turns out, we had so much in common.

Not only were both our ex husbands former Boston College graduates and we were both planning to travel to Bali, but we were BOTH single divorced mothers. Underneath those Honolulu night stars, two women were destined to meet.

As we were sharing our lives, she asked the inevitable question, “So, are you online dating?” Immediately, the words flew out of my mouth, with great laughter, “Oh, God, no!” We began to swap dating nightmare stories. Thanks to this hilarous woman from the Cape, a new dating segment of Sweet Cicily, was born. Who hasn’t hid in the bathroom on a terrible bad date? Next time, I might as well, vlog from the bathroom.

“Aloha, guys! This is Sweet Cicily, I am on a bad date, vlogging from the bathroom…AGAIN!”

Welcome, ladies and gentleman, to Sweet Cicily’s first installment of “Blogging From The Bathroom…” Tonight, I am going to share some of my all time favorite first day quotes from the men I have met from online dating.

If you know me, I am a sucker for a good old fashioned black and white movie. I love, love, love men like Gregory Peck, Jimmy Stewart and Cary Grant! Men who were men. Who dressed like proper men, spoke with charm and knew how to treat a lady. I know that was all Hollywood, but a girl can dream, right?

I want the moon…give me the moon fellas.

Sadly, my generous doesn’t have many men like this left, just a bunch of donkeys, with no manners. I think Michael Buble was one of the rare examples of this type of man. That is probably about it. Some lucky lady already married him too! Dangit.

I am head over heels when it comes to a gentleman. I love a smart, compassionate, witty and worldly man. Now THAT, is sexy! What happened to courting? What happened to picking up the phone? Not this texting bologna. Where is the human element in dating? Did we leave it back in the 1940s?

I have always wondered, would Cary Grant ask Deborah Kerr, on a first date, “Are your boobs real?” Would Jimmy Stewart, ask his date out for coffee and not even pay for the coffee? My brain really goes there. Now, I have created the visuals for you, to show the men and women out there, in the dating world, just how ridiculous people sound when they utter these rude statements.

You would be surprised, it is the men readers, who write me the most for dating advice. Here is my advice, fellas, if you want to get the girl, for the love of God, please cut this shit out. I am a grown woman, not a silly little girl. This is not cute, this makes you look like a immature fool.

Man up! Learn some respect. Be the man, you were meant to be! Stop asking women about her BOOBS, otherwise you are going to look like an even bigger BOOB.

So, here is a few of my favorite actors from old school Hollywood, but quoting several of my dates. I swear ever single one of these is true and I was swore I was being punked. Like, did he just say what I thought he said!

It is uber dissapointing, when your cute Gregory Peck look alike date, turns to you after dinner and says, “Blowie???”

I will never forget Mr. SteakSex Fella, who asked me in the first 10 minutes of our first and only date, “Are we going to have sex tonight?” He then proceeded to tell me, he hoped I did not want to have more kids, because he had a vasectomy. He didn’t want a FOURTH baby mama. It got better, he begged to let me stay at my house, because he would have to sleep in his car. I told him I hope he found a good place to park his car, so he could sleep well in it.

One of my first Match.com dates, was with Mr. StarbucksShades. Who wears Oakleys in Starbucks? No offense, but who wears Oakleys from 1995? I was staring at my reflection for an hour. He also told me he wanted to punch two people in the face, as they passed our table. Clearly, the girl who wore UGGS, upset him and was asking for a face punch?! I never ran so fast for the car in all my life.

What girl doesn’t love to go on a “date” with a doctor, to only be told,”Ugh. I don’t go on dates. I’m a doctor.” I looked at him and asked him what he thinks we were doing. He continued to refer to himself as “a doctor” *insert snooty accent* the entire evening. Turns out, one of my close friends knew him. First thing she asked me, “Does he call himself ‘dooooooooooctor’?” What’s up with that doc?!

Now here is my favorite, because I get it all the time. “Are your boobs real?” “What size are your boobs?” Maybe that should be saved for when you are in an intimate relationship, NOT your first dinner date. I get it. Men are visual. I also get mine are noticeable. 34DD on a 5’1″ frame is hard to miss. Even my women friends notice my FABULOUS set.

It is just plain bad manners. How would it be if the roles were reversed. What would it feel like, if I was objectifying some guys junk? It just comes off creepy and I immediately lose interest, if that is where the conversatin is headed.

If you want to see my big boobs, you are gonna have to ALSO get to know my big brain and bigger heart FIRST!

Thank you so much again for following and reading my blog today! I want to hear from you!

What was the most interesting thing a man/woman has told you on a first date?

What do you think if you are called beautiful?

What do you think if you are called hot?

Aloha,

Sweet Cicily

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About the Author

Aloooooha!

I am a just your average small town Southern girl, turned Hawaiian Island girl. A sassy, silly and sweet Filipina, living her life filled with ALOHA. Although, my marriage brought me to the islands, through divorce, I have learned to cultivate my own “paradise”.

When I chose to file for divorce, not only did I close a chapter in my life, as a former military wife, but I decided I might as well write a whole new book. Every page now filled with laughter,... Read More

Comments

Cicily, I had a great dinner date one evening. He was very nice, right up until the point he asked me to suck his toes. It was near the end of the date and out it came, like normal conversation…”before I leave will you suck my toes.” The oddest part of the conversation was my hesitation before responding. I knew I was going to tell him “NO” but I was concerned about hurting his feelings. The man had just been rude enough to ask me to suck his toes and I was worried about his hurting feelings. To this day I’m not sure who was more screwed up that night. Him for making such an offensive request or me for being concerned about his damned feelings. In the end Mr. foot fetish took his toes and left…unsucked.

HAHA that was brilliant! I am rolling on the floor over here! At least we have interesting stories. I had a Naval Officer, ask me to dress him up as a french maid, while I was in a Wonder Woman costume. He wanted to clean my floors, while I lassoed him and I gave him demerit points! LOL. What is wrong with these people!

HAHA that was brilliant! I am rolling on the floor over here! At least we have interesting stories. I had a Naval Officer, ask me to dress him up as a french maid, while I was in a Wonder Woman costume. He wanted to clean my floors, while I lassoed him and I gave him demerit points! LOL. What is wrong with these people!

Cuckoo, I have worse stories than that. I could go on and on but won’t. I love the images also but need to admit that I had to google “blowie.” Imagine my surprise when finding out that “BJ” had been replaced. I learned something new!

Cathy, I have a whole lot to “teach”, all the new divorced mommies in the world. I could not believe he actually said that to me…He actually looked him Gregory Peck and was a “good Christian boy” … man oh man.. I would be rich for every inappropriate comment a man made to me.

Oh Cicily…I feel for you. I met a man I’d met online for lunch once. He seemed very nice, was able to hold up his end of the convo online, and didn’t go straight into dick pics and graphic content (which was refreshing and I told him so). First surprise was he was about 25 years older than me (I was expecting max 10). Then, before we’d even had a lot of small talk or ordered our lunch, he proceeded to tell me how his botched vasectomy meant that sex with him would be better for me. And the best part was, when I interrupted to say ick,I didn’t need (or want) to know, he KEPT GOING. Shortly after, I excused myself to the bathroom, explained to the waitress in the hallway, slipped her money for both of our drinks and a large tip and then out the back door. Not surprisingly, she suggested it happens all the time. Uggghhhhh…