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I have never seen a bride with a spear in her back, but I have seen a bride carrying a spear.

"Achtung!," said Monsieur, one of my co-workers. "Zee bride is here and she's carrying zee weapon. Looks like zee harpoon, or zee spear, or somezing."

Actually I think she was going for a royal sceptre-look—sort of an ornamental staff meant to enhance her queenly attire. It was winter, she was wearing an ermine cape and a tiara. How I wish I had photos, but alas, I was stuck at the piano.

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Robin Meloy Goldsbywww.goldsby.deAuthor of PIANO GIRL: A MemoirRHYTHM: A Novel RMG is a Steinway Artist

Next we shall try writing about brides in sonnet form. I believe we have already attempted haiku.

What can I say, Wind? It's the slow season. No weddings to write about so we have to do something. And anyway, it's Clef's fault. He threw the limerick challenge at me and I had to jump in. You think this is easy? Just try it. All I can think of is: "There once was a bride from Nantucket . . . ."

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Robin Meloy Goldsbywww.goldsby.deAuthor of PIANO GIRL: A MemoirRHYTHM: A Novel RMG is a Steinway Artist

ah guess you guys are bored!! actually I might be doing an interesting gig in the near future.

I bumped into the strength and conditioning coach of a pro hockey team, whom I used to do some marketing work for. He is keen on the idea of having live music accompany his training workouts to set a certain mood. So I'm excited to see how this turns out.

Exalted Wombat, too funny! Also, I have to confess that I like that Yiruma piece, and I believe I am actually the first person to share an amateur recording of it at the ABF. But at the time, I was acutely embarrassed of the title and originally shared it as "River," not thinking too much about it but sort of assuming that people won't be interested or know who Yiruma was because at the time, his music was only really known in Korea and Japan. Who knew?

I still like it, but I think it would be much better with a less melodramatic title. But, had that been the case, we would not have been able to enjoy your creative use of the word spew!

"River Flows in You" has made me more money in wedding income than any other piece in my repertoire. So I'm with you, Shirokuro! Plus I have a sentimental connection to the piece because my teenage daughter asked me to learn it after hearing a vampire play it in the Twilight movie (retitled "Bella's Lullaby"). This is why the piece became so popular—who would have thought a piano-playing vampire would inspire a popular wedding song?

Anyway, on my daughter's advice, I recorded it for my 2011 Waltz of the Asparagus People album (the CD corresponds with my book) and it has become the #1 request at weddings. And I still like playing it—I have an arrangement that modulates a couple of times ( I like to plan the big lift for when the bride makes her entrance) and that keeps it from becoming too tedious.

I agree, Shiro—the title does sound a bit like an advertisement for a feminine hygiene product.

But the music is lovely and simple and fun to play. So let it go on record that I am a fan of "River Flows in You." But the writer in me—who, as I mentioned, would never turn down the opportunity to use the word "spew"—applauds Wombat's very funny choice of titles!

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Robin Meloy Goldsbywww.goldsby.deAuthor of PIANO GIRL: A MemoirRHYTHM: A Novel RMG is a Steinway Artist

There was a young vampire called Mabel,Who waltzed on the nuptial table,Her groom was a dud,But she still sucked his blood,Though his neck was as thin as a cable.

And that is it! No more limericks. I am probably very close to being put in Piano World Jail. You guys (and gals) are killing me.

One of the ninja swans at the castle (I think it was Prince) chased a young woman up the hill today. He was all puffy and agitated. She looked somewhat frazzled. I witnessed this incident—from a distance—as I was leaving the park, and realized (with some amusement) the woman was the very same bride-to-be who had talked to me about playing for her wedding in July. Not a good sign.

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Robin Meloy Goldsbywww.goldsby.deAuthor of PIANO GIRL: A MemoirRHYTHM: A Novel RMG is a Steinway Artist

Just to prove that I'm good for something other than really bad bride limericks, here's a suggestion for my fellow wedding pianists looking to drum up some business: If you know a good photographer in the area (also looking to increase business) why not offer a recording or two to him/her to use as a soundtrack for his "demo" slideshow or video?

I am in the process of doing this right now. In the past I've provided music for many wedding videos (that are the property of the bride and groom and will no doubt be viewed with mixed emotions over years to come, by, say four and half people). But this is the first time I am participating in an actual demo that will be placed strategically to attract new clients. Mutually beneficial to the pianist and the photographer, if you ask me.

If you want to take this a step further, you can also team up with a specific wedding location/hotel/restaurant. Beautiful photographs, a beautiful location, and your beautiful music. Nice way to present your services!

Just make sure the video has clear contact info for you.

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Robin Meloy Goldsbywww.goldsby.deAuthor of PIANO GIRL: A MemoirRHYTHM: A Novel RMG is a Steinway Artist

Not much to do with weddings, but a lot to do with our second favorite topic—here's my newest essay.Olives, Almonds, and Sauvignon Blanc: The Musician's Guide to Losing (and Finding) Those Last Five Pounds

Considering I’ve spent most of my adult life playing the piano in a cocktail lounge, it’s amazing I’m not (yet) an obese alcoholic with salt stains on my fingers and a pickled liver. I have stared down more bowls of smoked almonds and wasabi nuts than most people do in a lifetime. If I had the cash equivalent of every drink purchased for me by the lounge lizards and dapper dandies drifting through the world’s cocktail caves and five-star hotels, I’d be able to retire right now. A glass of the good champagne served at the hotel where I currently work costs forty-five dollars. Over the last twelve years I may have sipped the champagne equivalent of a brand new BMW.

Tonight is the annual VD dinner at the castle. Once a year I drag out ye olde red dress and play Music for Lovers. Should be quite nice—not the dress, necessarily, but the music and the atmosphere.

Any of you have VD gigs? I suggest you have a healthy supply of business cards on the piano, since a lot of marriage proposals take place on this holiday. Over the years I've picked up a couple of nice wedding gigs this way.

I'm hoping Buttercup Blondeau makes an appearance tonight sometime before the creme brulée is served. Haven't seen Buttercup for awhile, and this is surely her day.

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Robin Meloy Goldsbywww.goldsby.deAuthor of PIANO GIRL: A MemoirRHYTHM: A Novel RMG is a Steinway Artist