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The Power of Forgiveness

Sometimes you have to hit rock bottom before the best part of your life can begin. In fact, I think that’s how it happens for a lot of us. We coast through life and aren’t forced to make hard choices, and then one day, we are simply forced to. If you haven’t been forced to make tough choices in your life, then are you really living it? Are you really living it to the fullest?

You have to take a stance. I believe in moderation, but not where your happiness is concerned. If you never take a stance, you might be playing it safe.

Maybe you’ve realized a long-term romantic relationship must end. It often takes us being at our absolute worst before we really realize what we need to change in our life.

For me, it was when I decided to leave my ex-husband. I was pregnant with my daughter at the time, so as you can imagine, not the best timing.

Typically, the very lowest point of your life happens before the very best part of your life.

Hitting rock bottom can be a defining moment in your life. There’s nowhere to go but up, right?

Are you at the lowest point in your life than you’ve ever been? Do you feel like you’re at a crossroads in your life? If you feel like you’re being forced to make difficult choices, then it’s time to make some changes. It’s time to step-up and see what you’re made of. If you seek the truth, then you are on your way to happiness.

Do you want to be sure that you never get to that place again? Do you understand the power of forgiveness?

It’s all about the choices you make from here on out. Guess what? The first choice you make may not be the right one. Guess what? You may still struggle a while before you really figure out the changes that you need to make. It can take time to change a mind-set that you have developed over the years. Even one that is harmful to you.

Do you give up if you don’t get some sort of immediate relief? There is no immediate relief from a long-term problem. There is no pill that will make it better. Not in the long run, anyhow. If you find yourself at a cross roads in your life, please don’t give up when it starts to get even harder. It will get worse before it gets better, but it will get better. If you do the work, I promise it will get better. The short-term sacrifice of immediate gratification is worth it. Long term happiness and peace is worth the daily temporary grievance. What I mean is that you may have to sacrifice immediate gratification everyday for just a little while in efforts to achieve your long term goals. Shoot for Long-Term Gratification. It is so much more rewarding. The results last.

Have you broken up with someone and are placing all the blame on them?

Do you realize that while their actions may be the cause of why you broke it off, that you are still responsible for your outcome? What I mean is that somewhere along the way, you made a choice. You made a choice to be with that person. Somewhere along the way, you allowed a certain behavior. Maybe you didn’t? Good for you, but if the person in your life continues to make you feel bad or they bring pain and negativity into your life, you have to take responsibility for that also.

I’m not saying it’s your fault, for what another person did, but at some point, you decided to be with that person. What can you do now to prevent yourself from being back in the same situation? How do you prevent yourself from picking another person like the one you just left?

While it’s not your fault, it’s still your problem. What bad decisions did you make that got you into this situation? Maybe you were blind-sided? Okay then. What do you need to do to make sure that you don’t get blind-sided again? You can only be blind-sided so many times. Eventually you have to realize that you are just blind to the truth, or ignoring the truth, rather.

When I decided to leave my ex-husband, it was the scariest thing I ever did. I placed a lot of the blame on him for why it didn’t work out. It wasn’t until I began to look at myself, and really hold my own feet to the fire, that changes started to occur in my life. Yes, he did things wrong, but if I put all of my focus on what he did wrong, and not what I needed to do to change, then I wasn’t going to see any positive changes in my life. If you play the victim, you will always be the victim. If you play the victim, you will never see real change in your life.

The only thing you can control is your reaction. The only way you can prevent yourself from getting right back into the same situation with a new person, is to change your actions.

When I look back now I realize I did a lot wrong in my first marriage. My intentions were good, but my outcome was a failure.

I was over critical and de-masculinized my ex-husband. I would call him and accuse him of doing things instead of think about what I could do to make the situation better. I would attack him with the truth and try to prove to him why he was the person who was wrong. I put all of my effort into telling him why he was the bad guy. Then I tried talking to him. When I stopped attacking him and tried talking to him, that’s when the truth actually came out. I still realized I shouldn’t be with him, but I gave it my best. I tried to resolve the issues rather than try to prove I was right.

I was a control freak. I was so afraid that it wouldn’t work out that I tried to control everything. My marriage still failed so I guess control didn’t work.

I strived for perfection for the wrong things. Meaning, I wanted my house to be perfect, my kid’s clothes, my clothes, my body, etc. Meanwhile my marriage was anything but. I was focused on all the wrong things. It was almost picture perfect on the outside, but on the inside, there were real issues.

I married before I really knew who I was and what I needed. I wasn’t self-aware. I also was not nice to myself. I was a jerk to myself and entertained a lot of negative self-talk. I didn’t realize I was taking that out on my partner because I didn’t have my own thoughts in check.

I married for the wrong reasons. I married a man because he was attractive and he loved me. That’s it. I didn’t take into account all of the other things that you should. I didn’t know myself. I was completely in over my head. I was playing a grown-up but I wasn’t one yet. I ignored the red flags. There were signs. There were signs all over the freaking place, but I ignored them. I rationalized the bad behavior. I basically created this person in my head that didn’t exist.

Forgive Yourself

The first thing I had to learn to do before I could truly move on, and improve my life, was forgive myself. If you can’t forgive yourself, then you will never feel worthy of change. You have to forgive yourself first. You have to forgive yourself first, otherwise you will self-sabotage and not even realize you are doing it. I forgave myself for not knowing what I didn’t know. I forgave myself for not making the best decisions. I forgave myself for not understanding what was important. I forgave myself for being weak. I forgave myself for ending my marriage. I forgave myself (still working on this one) for leaving my children without their father in their home. I forgave myself for breaking up a home. I forgave myself for not being better. I also reminded myself often, that my internal motivations were good. My motivations were coming from a good place. That just had to be enough at that moment. Once I was finally able to forgive myself, I felt I was worthy of change. Then changes started to happen.

I made tough choices. I pushed myself after I got a divorce and then made some even dumber choices! In fact, I made a lot more really dumb decisions after I left my ex.

Still I pushed on. I was determined to live my truth and create happiness. Don’t give up. You won’t learn overnight, but it you continue to seek the truth, then you will eventfully learn. You will not be perfect and you will still mess up. Forgive yourself. Just get ready to do a lot of forgiving.

The day the child realizes that all adults are imperfect, he becomes an adolescent; the day he forgives them, he becomes an adult; the day he forgives himself, he becomes wise. – Alden Nowlan

Forgive Others

Practice forgiving, because you know what? To be happy, you have to learn to forgive others.

It took some time, but you know what I did next? I forgave my ex. He may never forgive me for leaving, but I forgave him for everything he did. Yes, I did a lot wrong, but so did he. I forgave him because he wasn’t able to change. I forgave him because I know that he didn’t have the inner strength to look at himself, accept his faults, and make better choices. Maybe he didn’t think he needed to? I forgave him for that also.

Do you know why you should forgive your ex? You should forgive him or her because we all just want to be loved. We all try our best, but sometimes it just isn’t good enough, or we just aren’t a good fit. You don’t know until you try and sometimes you make the wrong decision. We should all learn to forgive because we all just want to be loved. We are all just a bunch of grown up kids trying our best. Live and learn. Learn and forgive.

Forgiveness is the most powerful action. Its powerful not because of what it does for the other person so much as what it does for yourself. Free yourself and learn to forgive.

I forgave my ex for the sake of our children. Now that I’ve forgiven him and treat him like he isn’t the lowest human on earth, we actually get along. I will never forget, but I did forgive. He actually shows up more and is a better parent because I’ve moved on and I’m no longer hostile towards him. I try to no longer greet him at the door with a look of disdain when he comes to pick up his children for the weekend. I forgave him.

If we really want to love, we must learn to forgive. – Mother Teresa

If you can’t forgive, you are just hurting yourself. All of that negativity and blaming you are entertaining is doing one thing only. It’s destroying your insides.

Don’t hold grudges. Forgive. Forgive yourself, and forgive others. Know that you may be at your lowest now, but if you do the work, you are on your way to the happiest place you could be possibly be.

When you hit rock bottom, there is no place to go but up. If you’re willing to do the work. You can do it. I believe in you. Do you believe in yourself?

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The advice offered in this blog is intended for informational purposes only. Use of this blog is not intended to replace or substitute for any professional, medical, legal, or other professional advice. If you have specific concerns or a situation in which you require professional, psychological or medical help, you should consult with an appropriately trained and qualified specialist. The opinions or views expressed in this blog are not intended to treat or diagnose; nor are they meant to replace the treatment and care that you may be receiving from a licensed professional, physician or mental health professional. This blog and its author are not responsible for the outcome or results of following any advice in any given situation. You, and only you, are completely responsible for your actions. This website is not intended to be viewed by minors or anyone under the age of 18. By entering this site, you are agreeing that you are over the age of 18.