Attached please find the results of our latest and we believe, our most impressive, effort to provide the Occupation Forces a credible Osama bin Laden in time for the fall launch of your new automated vote "tally" system. We understand the new system is modelled on the manual process that has been employed so successfully in Egypt for many years, and we would like to extend our congratulations to the Diebold company for this significant contribution to democracy.

To return to the subject at hand, you will notice that all the gentlemen included in this latest lot are of the required height, and we apologize for the inclusion in a previous submission of a few who fell short of this specification. We regret any inconvenience our error may have caused.

You will also note that each specimen has been fitted with state of the art contact lenses, and provided with either chemical hair color or implants, whichever was most appropriate in the individual case. We have also taken the precaution of treating the specimens with a dual process melanin-enhancement process, consisting of daily full-body treatments in the sunbeds installed in our finest 5 star hotels in Karachi, and we have taken the additional precaution of coating each specimen with the universally recognized tan enhancer, in order to bring all skin tones into spec compliance.

We have also taken care to assure correct and natural-looking facial hair in both configuration and coloring.

As per our agreement, each specimen comes dressed in a fashionable but conservative swimtrunk or unitard, and all costume selections will be billed and shipped separately.

While it is true that we were unable to secure a reputable Yemeni source, we are aware that the United States and Norway have a long-standing and cordial history of both trade and diplomatic relations, and we believe that both you and Agent. bin Laden will be pleasantly surprised and extremely pleased with the results we have been able to obtain with these Norwegian specimens.

Naturally, we would have preferred to work with a domestically available raw resource, but unfortunately, the height requirement as stated in the purchase order was incompatible with the relatively short stature of most Pakistanis, with the exception of the Balochs, of course, but believe us, you don't want to go there.

As always, it is a pleasure to do business with you and we look forward to working with you to insure a festive and successful Spring Offensive.

Ask the average party hack, and they'll tell you it's gotta be Sharpton. Or Kucinich. Fringe, they'll tell you. Too radical.

If this were a musical comedy, the party dude would now lean forward conspiratorially like Richard O'Brien in the Rocky Horror Picture Show and hiss "They would CHANGE things."

That's the cue for the Neo-Condescention Chorus to come in with the "but they're heart of the party, the sou-wo-wooouuul of the party" refrain, puncutated by a little spotlight on the basso-profundo "Surprised to learn that Al's so SMART" and the NCC goes all Gilbert & Sullivan - "He's surprised to learn..."

The Democrats are so shocked and awed by the bush regime that their efforts are focused on coming up with a candidate who will guarantee the status quo, but look better and talk better than Bush. Put the same policies into prettier words. They have become leftist neo-hawks, stuttering friable and tenuous arguments for imperialism, as studiedly oblivious to the horror and suffering as Old Granny Bush of the Beautiful Mind. Gotta beat Bush, they chant. Beat Bush.

Beat him at what?

The beatBush frenzy, born of their own distaste and loathing for policies that threaten not only the social fabric of the nation, but its very sovereignty, not to mention the future of the human species on earth, has turned on itself, devoured its placenta of logic and become an absurd single-minded conviction that the only way to "beat Bush" is to maintain those same policies under the apter and more metrosexual direction of a more telegenic piece of on-camera meat.

They even have their own Bible, a PNAC alternative, a much better-written document, whose authors clearly made better grades in composition class, and took lots of Rhetoric and Persuasion electives, because they care.

Its aim is ambitious: to make imperialism sound palatable to people who a year ago were engaged in assiduous letter-wrtitng campaigns and organizing marches and demonstrations against it.

All the while, they shake their heads in worry. What if they don't beat Bush? What if the impeccably groomed silver-throated talent they have chosen does not move the NASCAR dads with their lofty messages, their precision-worded monologues wrapped like fine chocolate round the core promise that nothing will change?

Forty years ago, the Democratic party did flirt with change a little, and raised the hopes of millions upon millions of Americans that change IS possible. The party, however, quickly retreated, and the grandchildren of those hopeful people are now in jail, homeless, or too busy working 3 jobs to think much about grandma's stories about the Movement, much less the state of politics in America today.

And when they do think about it, their eyes are more likely to roll in derision than light up with enthusiasm.

If the poor, and ethnic minority poor in particular have learned anything about politics over the past forty years, it is that politics is a rich white man's game, and no politician is going to do anything that changes their lives, unless it changes them for the worse.

Voters tend to be the top 25% income tier. That leaves 75%. And the concerns of that 75% are not capital gains taxes, maintaining the status quo, or imperialist strategies to keep America's defense and energy industries strong.

Their concerns are a roof over their heads, earning enough money to pay for basic needs. Their concerns are child care, health care. Health care as in get sick, go to the doctor, get treatment, not health care as in keep the insurance companies happy and reduce what those lucky enough to have an HMO have to pay by $10 a month.

Even if there were a candidate who promised them a Living Wage, a Right to Housing, Health Care, who guaranteed it, by Executive order if necessary, within 14 days of taking office, many would just roll their eyes anyway. Fool me once.

But if that 75% is going to get excited enough about any candidate to risk their jobs by skipping a day of work to vote, to risk their lives by leaving their hovels and braving the gangbangers on the way to the polls, to put up with the annoying chirpiness of the clueless ride to the polls volunteers, it will not be for an affluent comfort candidate, it will not be for silver-throated trills of reassurance to the corporate oligarchy.

Affluent people love to hear rhetoric about the poor. It makes them feel better about themselves. "Something must be done!" wailed King Edward VIII, shortly before his abdication in favor of the arms of the woman he loved, and the English middle class loved him for wailing it.

The American affluent love hearing their candidates intone it solemnly, declare it passionately, and they nod approvingly, smiling on their way out at pepole whose paychecks are not enough to provide housing and food for one. Forget children, forget electricity and especially forget doctors.

There are so many of these people that even Diebold might have a tough time doing its job if they voted. Even before Diebold, the system was designed to make it unlikely that they would.

They are also a stick with several times as much bushBeating potential as a steaming dish of status quo with better reading skills and more skillfully applied hair gel. But they are not as gullible as their better-heeled brothers. They are not as easily seduced by airy prose-poems and charisma. They've been there, done that, still couldn't afford the t-shirt.

They do not share the obsession with beating bush, because unlike the brie and SUV denizens of the dated community meetups and precinct gatherings, they do not find that the status quo is really really different when you say it in a nicer way. No matter how nicely they explain to their landlords that they do not have the rent, even if they quote directly from shining candidate speeches, the eviction notice arrives at the appointed time.

The Democrats' greatest weakness, their weakest link, is their failure to realize that they cannot beat Bush at his own game. Combine that with their unwillingness to use the only weapons of mass destruction they have: the double whammy of the so-called "fringe" candidates and those masses of people who don't see it like that.

What you call fringe is what they call a baby step.

Changing the government has a better chance of beating Bush than imperialism with hope, feudalism that cares, or, with props and apologies to Arundhati Roy, reverent rape.

Let them remove, at a Constitutional level, the separation of religion and state, and make the nation officially a Christian Reconstructionist Theocracy.

Let them remove YOUR guarantee of equal protection under the law from the law.

And make no mistake, we are talking about YOUR protection, the granting to the state the right to declare YOU a second class citizen, not just your gay brother.

That's the trick card. Equal. Or not.

Secular. or Theocracy.

Bring it.

Let your elected representatives, your employees, to whom you pay salaries that allow them to live as wealthy men while you struggle to keep a roof over your head, vote on this amendment.

Let them vote whether millions of Americans, who grow, cook and serve your food, who deliver your babies, teach your children, enter burning buildings to save your life, shine lights into your dark basement when you hear noises there, who build your houses and your bridges, fill your prescriptions and drive and conduct and fly you to where you need to go, who do your taxes and fix your computer and take out your kid's appendix, who pay these generous salaries to their wealthy servants in Washington, let them vote yea or nay, that these Americans are second-class citizens, let them decide whether to amend the constitution to permit the segregation of certain citizens into a separate status.

Shall the constitution be amended to conform to the doctrines of a particular religious sect?

To do so would clearly be in violation of the First Amendment, so let the elected representatives, your employees, vote on whether the language pertaining to religion should be removed from it, and the United States transformed by lawful vote to a theocracy.

Bring the Amendment to the Congress, and let your servants cast their votes.

When George W Bush spoke before Congress after 9-11, and officially blamed a shadowy, nebulous terrorist organization called Al Qaeda for 9-11 - he was using information that was basically concocted by Western intel agencies all in on the game of setting up a fake terror threat that we could all rally behind. "Al Qaeda" is actually a division of the Western intel agencies that perpetrates their terrorist bombings in co-ordination with the New World Order operatives in the Black Ops world. "Al Qaeda" is a political convenience for the Fascist fiends now consolidating power in every major political party in the West, save an enlightened few (The US Greens, the Canadian NDP). Every overt act that this Black Ops spin off perpetrates benefits the Fascist war mongers. Indeed, if Al Qaeda didn't exist, the Fascists would have to invent it. Which, of course, they did.

How to destroy Al Qaeda? Open up the records of the Western Intel agencies, not just the crap they spew out to manipulate an ever more cowed and terrified citizenry, but all of their historic dealings dating back to when the CIA and others first founded and financed the Mujahadeen in Afghanistan. Make it known to the people who live in Islamic countries that Osama bin Laden is nothing more than an incredibly valuable CIA asset, which many Muslims already suspect (remember the anti-Osama bin Laden rallies in 2001?
They held up a picture of bin Laden paired with the Sesame Street puppet
Bert - the message? These people knew that bin Laden is/was an American
puppet). Also, please understand that Al Jazeera, the CNN of the middle
east, is as politically controlled by the Bushco-allied House Of Saad as CNN is by the Bush Crime Family. When Al Jazeera plays yet another Osama tape, they are helping both the neo-conservative cause in the West and shoring up their own control of their populace. It allows them to continue ruling Saudi Arabia as a monarchial dictatorship.

Y'all have to wake up. This so called "War On Terror" is nothing more than an Orwellian ploy to gradually condition citizens in the West to accept a police state and complete authoritarian control. It is so obvious, its painful. But the neo-con Fascists know their demographics well. They know that years of anti-Muslim propaganda has taken root in the psyches of the average Westerner, and the fact that these Muslims are brown skinned, dress differently and have an unfamiliar belief system makes it easy for the neo-cons to use racism and bigotry as tools to sow the myth deeply into the culture of the West.

Yes, there are legitimate Muslim-led terrorist groups out there. But they are spread far and wide, are nationalistic, and are easily infiltrated by the agents provocateurs of "Al Qaeda" to lead them down the path of destruction and mayhem. These local groups are used and then discarded after the deed, and the terrorists the authorities then round up are usually clueless, brainwashed, local criminals who are effectively cut off from the true leadership of "Al Qaeda".

The truth is out there. It can be found. And the truth of the Myth Of Al Qaeda MUST be disseminated before its too late. With the anti-Americanism that Bushco has worked so hard to promote in the middle east, it won't be long before we have a conflagration in that region of the world. Which is exactly what the Fascists want - they can then move in and secure the oil interests while claiming their just fighting the "War On Terror". They can also help set up civil wars between warring Islamic factions (e.g. Sunnis vs. Shiites in Iraq) and then sell weapons to both sides. This is the Hegelian Dialectic. The oldest trick in the book.

When you think Al Qaeda, you should also think CIA and MI5. Then you'll start to get it. Think about all those convenient terrorist attacks that continued to bolster the neo-con plans for world domination. Exactly when will you finally realize that nothing happens by accident in politics. There are no coincidences.

For the Love of our Western Democratic values, please research the following sites thoroughly.

Actions like Sep 11 do not happen in a vaccuum.
Long before those hijackers ever stepped foot on the planes the damage
had been done. They were brainwashed with the same type of garbage
propaganda that is spewed from Fatwa's weblog.
RedTard
blogcritics.org
Middle Eastern countries are so much more barbaric today and preAmercia than America can ever hope to be...America has only been around 230 years...who did you blame for everything before that Ductape? I am calling a Fatwa on your bullshit!
Militarytracy
boomantribune.com
IMO - terrorist plain and simple. He is an Al queda operative who
should be put in a cage on gitmo Skinner
conservativeunderground.com
My favorite..."In Defense of Holocaust Deniers"
drdon326
democraticunderground.com
I always thought that "The Enemy Within" was just a metaphore for liberalism, that is, until I encountered Ductape Fatwa. He should be in an orange jumpsuit for sure.
limewireayane
peopleforchange.netductape is either a commie, al queda, or a deep cover mole
windansea
conservativeunderground.com
Tells you something about this asshole doesn't it. He's really serious.
GabysPoppy
conservativeunderground.com
I believe that DF is nothing but a Republican plant...
SallyCat
boomantribune.com
Ductape is a commie, a terrorist, and he drinks blood too. He drinks
Capitalist blood. He eats unborn babies too
J97
conservativeunderground.com
Give me your address and I'll send you $20 and a thank-you note for taking your hatred elsewhere.
redwagon
boomantribune.com
A terrorist with a sense of humor!
Nephilim
conservativeunderground.com
He ain't nuthin' but shit
Jim Sagle
democraticunderground.com
inadequate, halfway house bullshit
Arthur Gilroy
boomantribune.com
You are a dumbass. Fuck you and your condescension about us "benighted sheeple."hamletta
dailykos.com
Untruthful, damaging bullshit
John Locke
democraticunderground.com
no better than the neocons and no different than Timothy McVeigh
space
dailykos.coma turd in the punchbowl...if DF were Joe Hill he probably would have killed himself rather than get put to death.
nothingshocksmeanymore
democraticunderground.com
A compost pile of fecundity
Feanor
dailykos.comdespicable and literally mentally ill
Addison
dailykos.com