“Top Chef” Recaps: Episode 4.13 “Puerto Rico”

Quickfire: You
want fries with that?Elimination: What a pig.Padmaism: “What exactly is a
mojo?”

I like the city of San Juan — It’s been
six months since we’ve last seen our cheftestants. Well, that’s not true. It’s
been a week since we’ve last seen our cheftestants, but it’s been six months
since they’ve last seen each other. Their reunion comes in the San
Juan airport in Puerto Rico.

We first see Stephanie. She has spent the time traveling
though Thailand, Vietnam and Cambodia. She says she has been “enjoying
life a little bit.” Does that mean she’s been enjoying Tahoe boys? Sigh. I
guess the honorary part of her chefbian status really is honorary.

Next comes Antonia. Stephanie hugs her like old friends. She
says she has spent the time off opening her restaurant (that would be Foxtail
in Los Angeles,
in case anyone gets the sudden urge to nosh). She has been cooking 100 hours a
week and her daughter is getting used to mommy not being home six or seven
nights a week. Guess that means if she wins Top
Chef and gets the $100,000, it’s all going to the babysitter.

Then Richard and his faux-hawk return to “get the game
started.” He’s in no mood to enjoy the tropical locale. He says there’s a time
to play and time to work. This is not playtime.

Richard: It’s
really good to see Stephanie and Antonia. The three of us have been the chefs
from the beginning that most people said these are going to be in the finals.
So I don’t think too many people expect Lisa to be here, for sure.

Well, that was blunt. True, but blunt.

Last chefbian standing Lisa arrives last and makes a grand
entrance with her brand new totally lesbian haircut.

The other chefs take note. Is that a spark of jealousy I see
in Richard’s eyes? Is he thinking, “Damn, now I don’t have the gayest
haircut anymore?”

As their car (shockingly not a Toyota Highlander) takes them
to their destination, the chefs soak in the sunny sights of beautiful Puerto Rico. But there’s no time for real sightseeing,
because waiting for them is Padma and a guy who looks like the illegitimate
love child of head judge Tom Colicchio and the Addams Family‘s Uncle
Fester.

But he is neither mysterious nor spooky. Instead, he is
celebrated Puerto Rican chef Wilo Benet, chef and owner of Pikayo restaurant in
San Juan and the
episode’s guest judge.