Monthly Archives: April 2014

We are at the halfway mark of Holy Week and there is something that has stuck in my craw for years. It’s time for another PSA/ “Grinds My Gears”segment.

*Drags soapbox to the middle of the room, steps up and taps mic*

Excuse me, excuse me. May I have your attention please?

As you all gear up for Easter/Resurrection Sunday and are buying all these pastel colored dresses, Steve Harvey suits, hats, and finery, it grinds my gears when some of you people randomly do stuff and accept things just because they are in popular culture. Here’s a biology lesson just case you all didn’t know, rabbits/hares/bunnies DON’T lay eggs. Never in the history of the world has a rabbit or rabbit-related organism laid a multicolored, painted, glitterfied chicken egg. Not the Cadbury Bunny, not Bugs Bunny, no daggone bunny lays eggs!

When The Lord rose from the grave and the stone was rolled away there was not a bunny sitting at the threshold with the angel waiting to announce His resurrection. There wasn’t a rabbit there pooping out colored hard-boiled eggs and jelly beans on top of pink plastic grass.

Just as a bit of history for you, chicken eggs were dyed red by early Christians in Mesopotamia to symbolize the blood of Jesus shed on Calvary. The shell represents the tomb of Christ and the breaking of the shell a symbolic representation of his breaking the chains of death. The Easter egg custom was adopted by the Catholic Church in 1610 A.D. by Pope Paul V. We as Christians can see the egg as a symbol of resurrection as the egg contains new life within it. How this morphed into adults hiding cooked eggs that were dyed the night before while watching the Ten Commandmentsis beyond me. Hiding eggs in the grass, trees, bushes, under cars, etc. has to be one of the stupidest things I have seen. Kids are fighting and pushing each other out of the way to get an egg that you know they won’t even eat, it will decay in a plastic basket next to pink and blue marshmallow Peeps that will NEVER decay. You know that at least one of those eggs won’t be found and less than a week later as it rots in the sun, just out of sight, you will be complaining about a sulfur smell and dumbfounded as to where it is coming from. I have no issue with Easter eggs as long as you understand and explain to kids the symbolism behind it.

To do something, anything for that matter, just because it has always been done (tradition), just because, and/or without the right context is off putting and asinine.

Your ignorance is showing, tuck it back in, nobody wants or needs to see that.

And that my lovelies is what grinds my gears!

*drops mic, climbs down off soapbox, places a purple dyed egg covered in glitter on the ground and exits stage right*

Happy Hump Day my lovelies!! It’s been a rough couple of weeks for me and I need to laugh. So below is what I found last night and laughed my fool head off at! I promise I’m going to do this on my way out of the office on Friday!

Hey my lovelies!! It is one day closer to Friday and I am elated!! I have quite a few male friends, most of which I have known for 10+ years, and they all have the same qualms with and/or about women. They are confounded and irritated by some of our behaviors and ask me time and time again why we do certain things. So in an effort to demystify the female gender I’ll let you all in a few things.

Issues that stupefy men:

1) Why do women carry an extra pair of shoes (flip flops, slides, etc.) with them and only put on their “real” shoes when we get where we’re going?

Have you all seen our shoes!? No matter how hard designers try women’s high heels (stiletto, wedge or otherwise) are not built for comfort and function, they are built to be beautiful and sexy. After a while (this varies from person to person) our feet are burning and hurting but we still want to look good, so we endure it. Therefore we normally will refuse to put on the instruments of our beauty and torment until we absolutely have to. Just as an FYI a woman is INCREDIBLY comfortable with you if she allows you to see her all dolled up but in her flips… I dare to say she may even like you! 😉

2) Why do women put on their makeup in the car rather than at home?

Ummm… now this one is a bit tricky. Personally I will don’t wear a whole lot of makeup, power, eyeliner, lips and maybe blush/bronzer but that’s it. I don’t put on concealer, foundation, eyelashes, etc. on a daily, it just isn’t my thing. I’m not knocking anyone who does; I just don’t want that kind of maintenance every day. Nonetheless, I don’t necessarily have a concrete answer for this question. From time to time if I am running short on time and need to get on the road, then yes, I will do my makeup in the car. That leads to number three…

3) Why do women ALWAYS leave late?

Enough said!

4) Why do women say “Fine” but bring stuff up later?

This has been posted all over Facebook, Pintrest, etc. but lends more than a kernel of truth. While not all women prescribe to this, it isn’t far off base.

You’ve been warned…

5) She said she didn’t want anything for Valentine’s Day/her birthday… I didn’t get her anything (or I got her a card) and she’s pissed! But she said she didn’t want anything…

OK babies, let me help you out here and let you in on something. Most women (not all) want you to guess or pay attention to the hints that she drops about gifts. I don’t personally do this, I think it’s immature and childish and it is playing games with people. But a women will drop hints about what she wants and then eagerly wait for you to have put these in your mental Rolodex and pop up with the one thing she wants the most.

Leaving a magazine open in plain view to a certain piece of jewelry or accessory and in a place that is completely out of the ordinary. Like your car… your side of the bed… the bathroom tub

Saying, “I love that *insert any noun here*… *sigh* “

“Heather/Tiffany/Jaime/Juanita/Sheila just got *insert any noun here* from Bob/John/Chris/Aaron. She’s so lucky! (while pouting or casting sideways glances at you)

Asking, “What do you think of this? Isn’t this nice?” All while showing you something that is of no earthly interest to you and while you are engrossed in a video game or sports. You normally just grunt and say, “Yea, uh huh” just to get her to get it out of your face.

While this is not an exhaustive list of quandaries, they are the ones that I hear from my guy friends the most. Maybe this will help some poor man who is having trouble navigating the waters of a relationship and will demystify female behavior.