Yesterday i was at a friends house she has a baby girl who's 6months old.
So we are chatting away and she offers me everything for baby , baby monitors, steralising streamer, bouncy chair, walker, highchair , ect. She explained how when my baby is here her baby will be out grown from all these things, i politely said thank you. But now im home i feel i kinda wanted to buy my own things. When i first became a mum i was only just turned 18y and i lived in a bb and i couldnt afford anything i wanted to buy , i put up with hand me downs and the cheaper stuff, same goes with my second we moved country when i was 71/2 months pregnant so we scrapped by. So this time around i feel really secure we are married now , have our own home and hubby has a good job, i wanted to buy what i wanted, but am i just being silly and throwing money away on things that, as my friend pointed out i will only need for a short while????

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Sat Jun 17, 2006 11:12 am

mary-1970

ED MEGA BABE

Joined: Wed Dec 21, 2005 9:53 pmPosts: 1161Location: sheffield

your not being silly but y not accept the things that don't matter so u can spend more on things that u really want baby monitor and sterilizer r just to use don't make alot of difference and will save that bit of money

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Sat Jun 17, 2006 11:14 am

emm-25

i would have taken them just to be polite, weather you would have used them or not.

was she offended by you saying no?

Sat Jun 17, 2006 11:15 am

vky21

ED frequent user

Joined: Fri Mar 03, 2006 11:44 pmPosts: 309Location: leicester

no i dont think so
its exciting wen u buy your own stuff
my friend gave me loads too but i wanted every think new

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Sat Jun 17, 2006 11:17 am

3littleladies

ED MEGA BABE

Joined: Mon Jun 05, 2006 2:44 pmPosts: 4486Location: A.K.A beanie mac

i didnt say no as she is still using most of the stuff her baby is 6minths old.
She is talking about keeping this stuff for me when baby arrives.

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Sat Jun 17, 2006 11:19 am

emm-25

id just accept them,

Sat Jun 17, 2006 11:22 am

vky21

ED frequent user

Joined: Fri Mar 03, 2006 11:44 pmPosts: 309Location: leicester

yeh or just say ive brought most of the suff

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Sat Jun 17, 2006 11:22 am

mary-1970

ED MEGA BABE

Joined: Wed Dec 21, 2005 9:53 pmPosts: 1161Location: sheffield

yes me to if your anything like me you will need a spare set at grandparents

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Sat Jun 17, 2006 11:22 am

skye29

ED MODERATOR PM ANYTIME

Joined: Thu Jan 19, 2006 5:46 pmPosts: 11709

I know what you mean hun. With my first 2 we had little money and everyting they had down to babygrows etc, were handed down to us or bought by relatives.

Im more financially secure this time round and have basically spent a fortune on all thoses things that I wanted with my first 2 but couldnt afford, ie changing tables, bouncy chair, lots of outfits.

but to be honest, I really wish Id had most of the things given to me as we have spent too much and most of the stuff we have got doesnt get used, or we are selling it on ebay.

some thing are nice new and some things well, at the end of the day isn't going to make a differance if it's 2nd hand. take thing you think you'll need, and buy your self a nice new pram with the money you save, the things that you show your baby of in. things like baby bath's etc arn't going to make any differance.

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Sat Jun 17, 2006 11:41 am

anniemf1978

ED HOTTIE

Joined: Fri Mar 24, 2006 3:25 pmPosts: 7670Location: My sofa

See i'd accept her offer then the money you save you can put towards other things.
As my Nan always said, don't look a gift horse in the mouth!

your not being a snob its nice to have the odd thing that a friend has given to you but not everything. its part of the fun preparing when you go out and buy everything. especially as you had to make do the last two times now you have the chance you want to get what you want. tell your friend nicely that you feel you would like to get certain things your self as you didnt get the chance before but thank you anyway. maybe you could accept just one thing off her. i'm sure she will understand.

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Sat Jun 17, 2006 11:59 am

LadyMoonlight

ED BABE

Joined: Wed Apr 19, 2006 7:35 pmPosts: 530Location: South Wales

If you can afford to buy your baby all new things then go for it! I would love to be able to - sadly due to financial problems we will have to get everything either second hand or bought for us by family (things like car seat, stroller, etc). My OH is on a low income and I've lost a lot of money through being off sick - we've used up our savings buying a house and have no credit facilities. We just don't have the cash to buy things brand new.

I'm in no way ashamed of that - I grew up in second hand clothing, second hand furniture etc and it never bothered me at all - I see no shame in having second hand or donated things or accepting second hand things from friends and family and don't quite understand why others do.

But if I had loads of money then yes I'd LOVE to go out shopping and buy loads of brand new lovely things for the baby. So I can totally understand where you're coming from.

Sat Jun 17, 2006 12:27 pm

mrsflibble

although sophie is my first and we wanted to buy a new pushchair for her, we have a second hand cot, and most of her clothes are second hand. my mum has a highchair- again second hand- for her too and I love it.

Sat Jun 17, 2006 12:39 pm

LadyMoonlight

ED BABE

Joined: Wed Apr 19, 2006 7:35 pmPosts: 530Location: South Wales

Although I think you're totally within your rights to want new stuff for your baby, I also see the other side of it. When I was born my mum didn't buy a thing for me - it was all given her by friends! One friend gave her loads of stuf - a pram, cot etc.

Apparently when I was about 2, her friend got pregnant again and came ad took all the stuff back!!

This was back in the 1970s and I think that years ago people (especially us "working class" types!!) had a much more pragmatic approach - few people had the money to go out and buy loads of new stuff so there was a share and share alike/recycle attitude. If your had a 2 year old and you'd just heard that the young woman down the road was pregnant you would automatically offer her your baby stuff (free of charge). When her baby grew out of it, she would automatically offer it to someone else! Prams and cots etc would be in circulation for years - I was about the third baby to use mine!! Did me no harm at all!

When my brother was born we couldn't afford a cot so he slept in a baby bath lined with a quilt and a blanket! He was snug as anything!

People would knit baby clothes too - it was all part of the fun, when you found out a friend or neighbour or relative was pregnant you'd knit a "layette" (hat, booties, mittens, coat etc) as a welcoming gift. It only cost a few pounds for the wool. Few new mums had to buy things. There was more of a community spirit in those days I feel and its sad we've lost it. These days everyone just goes out and buys loads of expensive "designer" baby gear for their LO which he'll just puke/dribble all over and grow out of in a few weeks!!

Sadly we have become very consumeristic since then. Its all credit cards and "interest free credit" and buy buy buy! You are even made to feel that you are not such a "good" mum if you don't go out and buy everything new from Mothercare! Thats just crap!!!

There's nothing wrong in buying new stuff if you have plenty of money and can afford it but I strongly disagree with the attitude some people have that you're not a "good" mum if you don't buy brand new expensive stuff for your baby. That makes me mad - its just brainwashing put out by the big stores to persuade us to part with our cash and it has not always been that way. I for one think its a shame that we have lost our sense of communuity and sharing.

There were some snobby cows at my paretcraft clas last week droning on about how everything had to be bought new because you had to have "the best" for your baby and some crap about how second hand pushchairs etc might have "diseases" in them (total BS) and if you couldn't afford to spend £1,000 on new baby stuff you shouldn'nt be having a baby in the first pace. They really p'd me off! Not only were they snobs but their values seem pretty out as they seem to care only about the material side of motherhood - what you could buy. Being a good mother in their view seemed totally dependent on how much money you had!! How sad. I almost felt sorry for them.

Our baby won't be having all new expensive stuff and thats fine by me! It would be nice if we could but its just not going to happen!! He'll grow up to know the value of money and the value of generosity and sharing too!