It’s Julie’s final episode and a fitting way to end the season. For this reason alone I will only select photos of Bethenny or the crew crying in tribute to Julie Plake for her years of service. I’m all hopped up on my Memorial Day Twisted Teas and ready to send Julie off with a proper Cheers – She’s a hometown girl, gotta represent the ‘Burgh!! I know a bunch of you are looking for Julie Plake’s salary, and I wish I could help you, but that’s more secretive than a Freemason’s meeting. BUT, since you’re here, have a read and a chuckle… On us.

Holiday Party

I’m so going to make you cry this entire episode.

The crew heads to Tortilla Flats for Julie’s last Holiday party. Dwayne suggests Nick should come for the party because really, it ain’t a party until Nick arrives, and it’s time to let loose and celebrate. You know when the booze is involved the tears will start flowing and I’m wringing my hands in anticipation muttering muwahahahas. Jason finally joins the party still having worried thoughts of joining Bethenny’s team. Dwayne, in proper drunken fashion, starts the “I love you” tributes to the table. Aw, now it’s a party!!

Glamour Time – Tears Included

Yep, just going to hug you every day so you cry.

It’s Julie’s last photo shoot with Bethenny for her monthly Glamour magazine column. Bethenny says it’s hitting her that Julie is leaving. Really Bethenny, isn’t it hitting you every week that she’s leaving? I almost want to drive Julie out to Pittsburgh myself just to get it over with. Of course wanting to make sure we reach full-on tears, Julie brings out the iPad to make sure Bethenny’s tears start flowing. Heehee, that’s right Julie. Give the make-up artists some extra work today. Again, conversation turns to Julie’s help building the empire… and more tears.

Therapy

No, this is my “Things are going well, I’m happy” face.

Bethenny has no idea what’s going on in her life and everything is up in the air. Isn’t that every week at therapy with B? Between the renovation, a tumultuous relationship and everything else that is happening, she’s all over the place. I’ll admit, I zoned out like I usually do when Bethenny and Dr. A get started, but I think there was a point where he suggested that relationships are the most challenging thing in her life, but she’s working on it.

Work-Appropriate Nipples

It’s my business and I have a No Bras Monday policy

Julie shows up for her last day at Skinnygirl and Bethenny thinks they are all ready because they have been building up to it for a while. Unfortunately, Jason can’t focus on anything other than Bethenny’s nipples. No one else ever looks or notices her nipples so Jason really shouldn’t. There’s some good logic there, Bethenny. In the pile of holiday cards mixed in with all the family stuff is one from Ellen and Portia. Jason finds it a bit surreal. Um, wake up and smell the Skinnygirl, my dear… You’ve hit the big leagues. Bethenny sneaks off to chat with her publicist because she hasn’t shared her “big news” with everyone. The Big News? She calls everyone in to tell them (drum roll please)… Bethenny got her own talk show in LA. She thanks everyone for their support, but needs Jason and the rest of the team to agree to move to LA to shoot the show. She promises no one will be out of a job, but I’m thinking if they can’t step up she’ll find someone who can.

Good Bye Julie

I swear this is going to be the last cry… swear!

Julie has her going away cake with the crew, and while she’s going to miss everyone, she shares with Bethenny how she’s changed her life. (Oh, look another montage, but at least there are tears.) Bethenny shares how much Julie has changed her life as well. And just like that she’s gone.

Shopping Isn’t For Everyone

Shopping for furniture, Bethenny lets Bryn run rampant in the store. Gotta say, I’m the woman in the store giving the fish eye to any parent who allows her child to run amok while I’m trying to shop.

Fast Forward 3 Months

Before the movers get here, where are the “goodie boxes”?

Huh, what? Can they just do that?? It’s the last day in the old place and Bethenny and Jason have a quiet moment thinking about how her life has changed and how that change affects the rest of the family. Bethenny and Jason see it as a fresh start to get rid of everything they don’t need. Bethenny has been slowly moving their things ahead of the movers but now is having panic attacks wondering where Jason’s porn stash and her “goodie box” are. She says the final good-bye to the office and another chance to reminisce about what she accomplished in such a tiny space.

It’s Official!

If you ever walk by this bar without paying proper respect, consider yourself kicked to the curb.

Bethenny has been keeping Jason from the apartment so he can have a full reveal along with the rest of us. WOW, what an amazing place. They decide that while it was a touch-and-go year, they built something amazing for Bryn to grow up in. The Million Dollar Dream Team comes in to get the final thumbs up from Bethenny and Jason. OK, I’m loving Bethenny’s closet… Well, let me clarify, I want the shoe wall in her closet!!

Morning After

I can not believe I managed avoid having sex with you to christen the house last night!!

After their first night in their new digs, Jason feels the sense of calm and good. Their first phone call in the new place is Hillary, who produces the Ellen show, telling her that Bethenny’s show will premier June 11th. Now they get to pack up again and head out to new digs in LA. Maybe it’s a good thing sine Bethenny and Jason realize they aren’t “these people” after Bryn pulls over the vase of flowers.

Bottom Line:

As far as Bethenny seasons go, that was pretty damn tame. Thanks for the kiddie roller coaster and ready-to-drink beverages Bethenny. We’ll be looking for your talk show!

One Sentence Summary: Bethenny catches up with Daddy’s old Buddies sending her Daddy issues into high gear – can’t wait for therapy THIS week!!

It’s the end of the season and I didn’t have enough footage for a full show??

Melissa’s Thoughts:

Yes, I’m a mess lately. I write posts and never hit the actual publish button and I take a good week to detox from visiting the Winey Bitch South Florida office. Now, here I am, hat in hand (yet again) with last week’s Bethenny for your reading pleasure and a promise not to let you down for the rest of the summer (quite the promise since the season finale is the next episode). I’ll even start drinking all the bottles of Skinnygirl I have in the refrigerator.

The House that Booze Built

Listen, I want a shrine right here to my booze – with mirrors and lights, and maybe something spinning that draws attention to me.

We catch up this week at Bethenny’s new apartment with her frustrations out in the open that no one is on the same page with anything. Booze bought the apartment, so she thinks there should be a proper bar / shrine to what made her who she is today – so OF COURSE we need a Bethenny montage with a few reflections from her crazy face pregnancy. Anywho, the bar can’t be hidden behind a television armoire looking thing… It needs to be big, bold and take center stage – kind of like Bethenny

Hola

I’m teaching you frio because I’m so caliente

Bethenny takes Bryn to the Tribeca Language School for Children & Adults to learn Spanish. OMG, how cure are all these kids? Not to mention Mr. Teacher. Bethenny and Jason think to make her more well rounded Bryn should be able to speak 2 languages. OK, clearly this is the memory lane episode because I’m having flashbacks again and there’s Bethenny with her huge ass pregnancy jaw talking about her pregnancy and Bryn.

Pappa’s Pals

Your pop… He loved you… I mean, he loved me, so I guess he loved you too.

Ah, it’s the sit down with Daddy’s boys. Louie starts things off saying he loves Bethenny’s father, and wishes she had a different relationship with him. Bethenny didn’t have a proper relationship with her father and actually called her step-father “Dad” and called her father by his first name. Oh no Louie didn’t just call Jason a Johnny-come-lately not understanding the relationship. Out of loyalty Louie tries to get Bethenny to see how much her biological father really loved her, but didn’t express it the way she needed it.

Interrogation

OK, so tell me, how does Wendy do everything she does?

Bethenny brings some swag for Wendy for an appearance. We need to catch back up because Bethenny was looking for an opportunity to have her own talk show… or rather a 6 week test. Her focus is on Wendy because she was the first to ever do the 6 week summer run. Being the quick to see an opportunity present and act, Bethenny takes the opportunity with the make-up guys to ask all the questions she can to understand what Wendy did for her show.

Therapy

So wait, you’re telling me I’m growing as a person. Does that mean I might not have to shell out money for this anymore?

Things are good with Jason, so what shall we focus on for this week? She shares her visit with her step-father and how it made her feel. Dr. A points out her that her sense of family is growing and how she stepped up with her biological father and how she reached out to him. Ugh… Of all the times NOT to have a magical memory montage. Dr. A tells her she’s had a great breakthrough in not running.

Baller Bowl

Ever wonder what a 5 grand toilet looks like? Bethenny does, and is ever on the look out for the perfect throne.

At Davis & Warshow (Kitchen and Bath) Bethenny and Jason shop for toilets and sinks. I swear to all that is holy, is she constantly looking for toilets??

Take A Moment

shhhh… I’m having my Mary Tyler Moore moment.

Bethenny is starting to really love their new place and gives Jason props on all the work and help he’s been with everything. WOW, that was genuinely pleasant of Bethenny and completely non-confrontational. zzzzzzzzzzzz… Oh sorry, I nodded off during that last montage. Jason and Bethenny discuss the road that brought them to their apartment but the idea of a second child.

Bottom Line:

Thanks for the walk down memory lane Bravo. Did you run out of legit film and that’s why we had to have the Scooby-Do flash back episode?

One Sentence Summary: Back to work for Bethenny and the crew… Well, minus the one that bailed.

Look, we have the same smile!!

Melissa’s Thoughts:

Yeah baby, my second favorite blogger Nick is back to spend some QT with Bethenny. Yes, my favorite blogger is of course my wonderful partner in crime. Yeah, I’m shameless, but the girl is awesome and makes me seem funnier than I really am. I digress, Bethenny tortures Nick with some yoga in hopes of… I don’t know, a chuckle maybe hoping he pops something in her presence.

Hey, hey, hey… Good bye

Oh look here, a resignation letter sent the second we touched down in New York.

Well, we all knew it was just a matter of her planting her feet back on US soil… Maggie quit. She is very grateful for the opportunity Bethenny gave her, but she’s going with another (less psychotic) opportunity. Um, yeah it was too much for her would be my guess. Julie thought it was bound to happen and suggests Jason step into a Skinnygirl role running the hen house.

Tile Searching at the Bar

pssst… don’t tell my husband but I want to marry you, this store/bar is fantastic!!

Bethenny and Jason are off at the tile store to try to tie all the elements of their home together via bathroom tile. But first… The hit the in shop bar. I think if more companies had alcohol people would be much happier and make better decisions. Here me out folks… Who out there hasn’t has some of the best conversations and come up with the most creative solutions to a problem after knocking back a couple of cocktails?? Seriously. Not many is what I’m thinking. Sorry, I digress. Bethenny is all in with the owner thinking he’s her soulmate now that he has a bar at his shop. See how quickly these decisions are happening after the booze starts to kick in?

Yoga with Nick

I thought it would be hilarious to capture your torture on camera

Aw, my buddy Nick is back meeting Bethenny at Yogaworks. Why? No idea, maybe it’s her idea of a practical joke. Poor guy, this will be completely awkward for him I think. Clearly Nick is having difficulty remembering to breathe while trying to get into his proper positions (who doesn’t). I feel ya my friend, I didn’t really break my wrist doing Crossfit, it was a downward dog gone bad… OK, I jest, but it could totally happen with my lack of coordination and complete absence of grace.

Whose down with OCD… Yeah you know Me!

Yes, I judge people who don’t color coordinate their underwear bins, and clear bins for thongs only, no one wants to see the granny panties.

While planning the closet Bethenny seems shocked to learn that her “clutter” is really only clutter in an OCD world where everything needs to be symmetrical and color coded by season and cross referenced with a sticky dot system for the time and date of purchased. When it comes to the vanity for the room, they need to get a new one for the side wall away from the windows because of the heat – apparently the one she currently has is loud and this room is quiet. OK, my two cents would be to put the vanity up against the windows so you have natural light. Maybe that’s why I’m not a designer.

What’s in a Name?

OOOHFAH, you want to actually pay them NOT to live here? That won’t be cheap.

Bethenny thinks there might be a solution to the people moving into the apartment before the new space is finished… Pay them 15 grand to stay in an apartment to save her sanity. Jason thinks it’s not worth it to pay rent, hotel and a mortgage. Bethenny thinks he needs to step up and get things done, but he realizes her name has more pull than his (wise man), but Bethenny doesn’t understand why she has to do it. OK, here’s the deal Jason… Log into Bethenny’s email account and send the emails with her signature. Voila, problem solved. Maybe you should hire me as your assistant.

In or Out

Can I fire my husband even before I hire him?

Jason’s first Skinnygirl meeting with the ladies, and the first argument begins over who is handling what. Poor Jackie can’t keep up with anything other than “sorry” when she misses something. Here we go, Bethenny lays the challenge down to Jason that he needs to make the call if he’s going to be in or out. He’s concerned the relationship will turn into just a working relationship. The plan is an intern to get them through the holidays.

Girls Night

Who feels like an idiot for finding the balloon guy hot? I DO!!!

Bethenny and Jake head for a Girls Night at Lucky Chengs. She’s not sure who the women are and asks the waiter for clarification to be informed they are an equal opportunity employer an occasionally hire “genetically real” girls. Pre-Bethenny Jake was Queen of the night scene and chats up some old friends. They get a visit from a tarot reader who has balls… And is willing to t-bag Bethenny to prove it. She tells Bethenny to watch out for shady bitches and in the love department, Bethenny has to “spread her legs to get the turkey”. I have no clue what that even means. Next up the balloon maker to create for Jake a chick with a d*ck and for Bethenny a c*ck ring… And a fun time was had by all!!

Therapy

Bethenny is back on the Dr. A’s couch talking about the arguments in Mexico. She thinks she’s given Jason the impression she’s going to run, so that causes a lot of issues. They managed to turn the ship around on the trip, which they know how to do – yet don’t do it enough. She talks about Jason becoming part of Skinnygirl, because she wants him there (God forbid she ask him nicely without a demanding put up or shut up tone). She thinks it’s complicated, but it’s not points out the good doc. Seriously, I work with my husband… We’ve managed it for 12 years. Trust me, we can go full on Broadway production of Stomp on each other’s nerves, but you figure it out. The solution is to make it part of them, who they are and also the business. There isn’t an exit strategy though if it’s not working out. What do you want to bet Bethenny will have one by the next episode?

Snack Time

I can’t believe you eat… You are disgusting.

Apparently Bethenny is annoyed with Jason (shocker) because he eats all of her snacks. Really, this is what you’re going to pick to argue about? Wait, did she just deny him any more snacks? The people who are to move to their place will let them stay, but they don’t want to come out of pocket for their hotel and storage to the tune of 10 grand plus everything else making it just shy of 20 grand. DAMN, that’s an excellent idea!

Walk Through

Maybe if I squat like this long enough I’ll start shitting hundred dollar bills to pay for this place.

Jason and Bethenny visit the new space to look at the progress. Every week there’s a purpose to the work says their Million Dollar Contractor. Jason reluctantly confesses that Bethenny does in fact have a good eye for the work in the new place. They are on schedule so far, but Jason wants to be more practical in their approach versus Bethenny’s just wanting everything. According to Bethenny, she hunts and Jason gathers, facilitating, and orchestrating it all… They are a perfect team.

Bottom Line:

I was hoping for more of a Maggie eruption… sheesh… I’m still holding out hope for full Mt. St. Helens when Julie closes the door behind her.

One Sentence Summary: Because they have such success with boats Bethenny decides it’s best to take the team down with her.

If I clench my teeth really hard I won’t be able to get the chocolate in my mouth – see!

Melissa’s Thoughts:

Will this be the episode that we finally get the meltdown we’ve been expecting or will Bethenny prove us wrong and end up managing to enjoy and appreciate her time away from work with her friends and family? I’m going to go out on a limb and say Bethenny won’t be able to stop being negative and appreciate what she has. Yes, I sit here wringing my hands in anticipation of a meltdown and yet another argument with Jason.

Haggle It, Just A Little Bit

Really B, that thing is work like 10 dollars, we’re not paying 300 for it.

Here we are back in Cabo on Bethenny’s birthday get away. Over lunch the crew tries to relax while Julie turns the conversation to work much to Jason’s annoyance. He swiftly decides to change the subject to warning the girls about the scarf man they may encounter on the beach selling his wraps for $60 a piece. Upon seeing Hermano again Bethenny chases him down to haggle again for his goods. This time she’s after jewelry. Wisely she thinks she has to send in her big guns Jason to close the deal while leaving her pretty necklace for a later day.

Drum Therapy

Not sure what the hell we’re going to accomplish, but I loves me some therapy

I’m going to go out on a limb here and suggest Bethenny loves therapy of any kind… personal, marital, retail. Bethenny sends Bryn off with RaRa and validates her thoughts to ask her to be Bryn’s guardian. OK, for real, this is therapy… Playing drums? OK, if these people live in Cabo and make money with “drum therapy” I’m totally in the wrong profession. Once the maracas come out Bethenny starts getting in her groove. OK, gotta ask again how is this therapy? My only therapy exposure has involved an office with muted tones and a comfy spot to sit and talk through my issues, not channeling my inner Shelia E.

Back-up Mamma

Yes I’ll take care of Bryn… I’ll even go all hand that rocks the cradle if I need to.

On their way to the food festival they stop in a local chapel and talk between Bethenny and Jason turns to renewal of vows but clearly they have conflicting views of their wedding date – oops. RaRa needs a moment as they leave to gather herself after being reminded of going to church as a little girl with her family who she misses terribly. Bethenny sees her need for family and decides to pop the question to RaRa about raising Bryn should anything happen to them. She tearfully accepts the request and the ladies share a good cry. Ah, family bonding.

Food Festival

Oh sweetie, I’m so drunk I’m not sure if you’re my blonde best friend from college, let me look a picture up on my phone.

Bethenny has difficulty enjoy the whole cooking experience and shuts down in frustration until a lovely “lost” lady strolls along and confuses her with Maryanne. In true Bethenny fashion she can’t just say “oh I’m sorry, you have me confused with someone else” but completely assumes the “Maryann” persona just to F with this poor lady. At least she comes clean to the poor lady who might be so drunk she’s really not even processing what she just heard and just laughs everything off.

Fireworks Everywhere

Just when we thought we could relax the craziness comes from another angle

The team hangs out mixing drinks while fireworks explode in the background. I’m saying these aren’t the only fireworks we’ll get on this trip. OK, and here’s the bomb bursting at the table… Jason shares that they need to be out of their place in 30 days. He didn’t want to upset anyone on the trip so he waited. Bethenny needs to vocalize her thoughts before her nervous breakdown starts and the aneurism explodes. She’s going to stick a Roman candle in everyone’s ass to get things moving – well at least she didn’t flip out as expected. Julie admits this is the craziness contributing to why she’s leaving and newbie Maggie isn’t ready to deal with stepping up – AT ALL methinks. Here’s what I don’t get… OK, why is the buyer’s home situation problem now their problem? You sell a house and have a closing date, the fact they sold their house shouldn’t be Jason and B’s worry. And b.) why would everyone blame Jason? Alright, never mind, I know why they blame Jason, they always do.

Different Perspective

Surely this boat trip won’t be like the others

Wait, WTF are they doing getting on another boat? For real Bethenny, you DO NOT have luck with boats. Why the hell would you ever even remotely consider getting back on a boat? I don’t care if it’s a little bumper boat, they are bad news for you… BAD NEWS. As the waves pummel the two boats together, Bethenny decides they need to go back to get Bryn to the safety of dry land. While Bethenny is getting Bryn to steady ground Maggie starts to lose it, and I’m not sure if it’s seasickness or her impending new role with Bethenny slapping her in the face. From the beach Bethenny wonders why nothing is normal and smooth… Um, because you have bad boat juju and yet you STILL keep incorporating them into your activities B. Everyone (minus Maggie) makes it back to the boat for their 3 hour tour. Jason and Julie share a moment around her decision to leave and his respect for her and the decision. Jason comes to the realization he really needs to decide if he’s going to join the Skinnygirl team.

A little Bauble For A Near-Death Experience

Come on, there has to be a near death experience discount for an old friend

Bethenny (hopefully) realizes she needs to get off the boats for her own future safety and wellbeing. In a stroke of genius she turns to Hermano for support and to see if he’ll reduce his price for her favorite necklace. Bingo, she gets him down to her price.

Tension, party of 2

You don’t listen to me when I tell you what to do, I’m done.

Bethenny and Jason share a relaxing dinner and the topic of work comes up. Bethenny seems interested to know if he’s staying on the same path or making the move to her company. He’s frustrated that he’s 40 and hasn’t found “it”. Here it comes folks… The talk. Jason thinks Bethenny has been frustrated by him and his lack of success. He’s involved with decisions, but he’s not really a part of it. He’s not as glamorous as she is in her world… Bethenny thinks he has a little resentment towards her financial success. He shares his cave dweller views that he’s used to the idea of both being equals or the husband having more of the success. You see where this is going folks… this is the high speed to fight city. She wants him to be happy, and while he wants to be he feels judged for not being able to “make it” – and it has to come from somewhere and he thinks it’s her. There it goes, the mental doors just closed and Bethenny is done. After their breather he returns to the table and they declare they will get through it. Hello Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride of a conversation. They can’t stand each other most of the time but love each other.

Bottom Line:

Could it be, is Bethenny growing? I didn’t get my meltdown. Bethenny, honey, I need you to have a meltdown so my mental benders don’t look nearly as bad to my husband because I can casually get him to watch yours and say… “Sheesh, good thing I’m not like that huh?”. Help a sista out B!!

Why You’re Here

We take the best parts of some bad tv, break ‘em down over a few glasses of vino (funny flows better when wine flows freely) and share them with you so you don’t have to waste hours of your life watching on your own. You're welcome.

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