This house fell in my lap. The owner is a friend of a friend and he was really proud of his digs and was sure he had nothing to learn from the team at AssCastles.com. I gotta say, i was totally speechless when first seeing the pool. These were my immediate thoughts while standing there:

1. Does the pool water just splash all around the house when you have like 5 or more people in here?
2. do the dogs and “leopard cat” know how to swim?
3. Do they also know how to resuscitate a drunken drowning victim?
4. Where is the chlorine?
5. Am I the only woman who would be afraid I might contract something by going in here?

DF

Submit a commenthere. and be nice. from Judd to Ally in the Breakfast Club: “this guy just dumped his whole purse out on the table.” don’t be too harsh on him now that he is all vulnerable…

When i got to the kitchen, I really couldn’t believe my eyes. Not because of the mess but because of the size. the kitchen is significantly smaller than the bathroom. it is smaller than the bar right next to it. Which would be fine, if the pool wasn’t five times the size of all three of these spaces. And the cabinets were all empty. The whole space is just a giant bus-tub waiting to be cleaned. This would not make me rush to drop trou. How do guys not know these things???

And while I’m on the subject of c-blocking yourself with your own mess:

GENERAL RULE No. 1: Clean sheets and a clean floor around your bed are PARAMOUNT to getting action. If i’m afraid of getting a rash off of any surface in your bedroom – I’m never going to take my clothes off in there. This is a general rule that is ALWAYS true.

And lastly, a note on maintanence:
if you have a bidet – you have to keep it working. Spending the money on the porcelean is totally negated if you don’t spend the money on a plumber to keep it functioning. if you wanna see girl crack, get some plumber crack in here first.

I gotta say, Troy was a rock star. He offered me tea like a lifeline, he was so honest and so humble and he understood where he is in life. He was not pretending to be anything he is not. Nothing is sexier to me than owning who you are. I loved this house and I know that I lost my asscastle commentator virginity here – therefore, i will always have a special place in my heart for “The one with the pool”.

These three cool guys are my entire crew. How rad is that! They know how to do EVERYTHING. Seriously!

And for all you FunnyOrDie.com fanatics – let me tell you one more reason to love them: they all kick ass. My DP for this (and the next episode we already shot and are editting now) is Antonio. Aside from understanding light terrific-ly, he was not afraid to try anything AND he was also faster at setting it up than anyone I had ever worked with. Which, if you have ever worked with me as an actress – YOU KNOW I have the attention span of a mentally challenged puppy. Standing on set, waiting hours for a set up KILLS my buzz like nothing else. These three dudes are my heroes cause they ran two cameras, lights, booms, lav mic’s, and directed with me in like – 3 hours! And Antonio took most of the stills in the vid. If I could do drama school all over again, I’d do it at FOD. And hope Antonio would do an updated video of “Hot for teacher with me.”