Less than a day to go

I told myself I wouldn't post here until I knew for sure, seems that time has come.

I've lurked here for about 6 months, just coming back every once and awhile and checking out the new threads. A weird fascination with why people kill themselves and what ages they are, seeing if any relate to myself.

I'm 20 years old, I have 3 great brothers, 1 sister-in-law and 2 more to be. I have 2 wonderful lovings parents that believe in me and would do anything for me. They have always been there for me or my brothers and have always wanted what was best for us. I was never physically or emotionally abused, I was not picked on in school or made to think that I was less than someone else. I was raised with morals and a feeling of self worth, I open doors for strangers, I say please and thank you and I try not put other people down. I have amazing potential and if I wanted to do anything all I would have to do is put my mind towards it, I seem to understand things quickly and once I pick something up I am always trying to get better at doing and understanding it.

So not really any particular reason why I feel suicidal, its a longing to see whats after, a longing to know everything I can possibly know. I want to see what the future holds (think millenniums), I want to see what is on the other side of the galaxy, I want to see other galaxies and if there is other living things somewhere out there, I want to see the inside of a black hole or watch from a distance as one shoots out matter.

I classify myself as agnostic, I do not know what is after, whether there is a God or some other higher being. I think just being a good person is what any higher being would want us to be, not worshiping them or killing in its name.

I am happy that I made up my mind, I feel almost smug that I will actually know what is after and that people here on earth will still be struggling to explain the afterlife. I do feel sad, guilty even at what I will put my family and friends through. I am even afraid that I may give my father a heart attack or my mother a panic attack, I fear that they won't be the same kind of people I know and love (while I understand it will change them, I don't want to make them cold and unloving).

Before I go I have to say this is a very nice forum/community that I hope will continue to help people in their crisis and help others cope with the loss of a loved one.

I don't really have anything else on my mind to say, I have a note to write to my family before I go and then I "pull the trigger" so to speak.

Hey mate. Any particular reason you want to do it right now? I mean there obviously no turning back, and you seem very calm about it! Why not go out and have some fun first? You are only 20, there must be things you still want to experience first?

Hey mate. Any particular reason you want to do it right now? I mean there obviously no turning back, and you seem very calm about it! Why not go out and have some fun first? You are only 20, there must be things you still want to experience first?

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No particular reason, its just my time to go. I've had my fun and obviously there are still things I want to do and experience but there will always be more things I want to do and experience.

Please reconsider. You WILL find out what is beyond. No getting around it. But by suiciding, you are depriving yourself of knowing what is HERE and NOW. If an afterlife exists, you will have forever to experience it, if not, there will be nothing, like a dreamless sleep, experienceless. So live while you can. This life is so temporary. Experience everything you can WHILE you can and leave the afterlife (or nothingness, if that happens to be the case) to itself, because you will experience it at some point very soon. We only live for a moment in time. LIVE it.

It comes to us all eventually, so why rush it?? And what if you get there and it's really really boring? Maybe you put your mind to doing whatever you want, and get some really interestig and wierd stories to tell anyone else on the other side, if there is one - just in case there's nothing else to entertain you over there

Hi NJDevils. You sound like you're more interested in finding out about what happens to us when we die, than actually in comitting suicide. People generally turn to suicide when they feel like they have nothing else to live for. Maybe you could do some research into the afterlife or talk to people that have experience in dealing with spirits, NDE's etc.

It seems like you have a pretty good life right now and ahead of you, and I'm sure that many people on this forum would trade their lives for yours in a heartbeat. You sound like you're ready to begin your spiritual journey, because you're curious about how the universe works and whether or not God is real. Maybe meditation will work for you? It would be a real shame to throw away all of your potential for the wrong reasons.

So not really any particular reason why I feel suicidal, its a longing to see whats after, a longing to know everything I can possibly know. I want to see what the future holds (think millenniums), I want to see what is on the other side of the galaxy, I want to see other galaxies and if there is other living things somewhere out there, I want to see the inside of a black hole or watch from a distance as one shoots out matter.

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Im sorry to be rude but thats the sillest reason Ive ever heard. Until we don't know, death is nothingness.
Maybe theres something . but what if theres not? you will have destroyed all the possibilities on earth you could have ever had ( and you pretty have a lot from what Ive read: nice career, meaningful relationships and experiences, loving family) and your parents and 3 brothers will grieve. especially on the Why and What Ifs, as apparently you had everything to live for.

NJDevils, please think it over. There are clear flaws in your thinking. 1. You are thinking of ending your life when you have no major problems affecting your life such as abuse, bullying, addiction, etc...
2. You have yet to experience so many great things in life such as having a career, marrying a woman you love, making love to her, raising your offsprings, living in nice house, playing golf and traveling to so many cool places. Don't miss out on those!
You are only 20 yrs old with a whole life ahead of you. How can you even think of ending your life over silly reasons like that? Life may get boring from time to time but there are lots of fun, great, wonderful things waiting for you if you keep trying.
Please think over and keep living life. Day in, day out.

Why do something like this NJDevil?? U should seek professional help and try to talk to someone who can help U through whatever is making U feel this way. It's not a good idea at all to do something foolish. Reconsider.