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Fools. YOU ARE ALL FOOLS! You laughed at Leon Lighips, but he who laughs with Lighips gets RICH in the bargain!!!!

HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!

Now you know what I’ve been up to for the past few months, why I’ve been too busy to share my secrets for unlimited wealth with you rabble. It takes a light and stealthy hand to pull off a deal like this — especially without any of the other principals knowing who is above the stage, who is the puppet-master pulling the strings. But hear me now, you dirty hippie open educators — this is only the beginning. The choice is yours — childish utopian dreams, or riches beyond your wildest fever-dreams. All I ask is total submission to my every whim and command.

Since D’Arcy Normal has once again figured it all out (he is a crafty foe), I might as well own up. CogDogBlog was the first weblog to acknowledge my assault on the blogosphere, which is why it was the first target of my latest offensive.

I have accepted many pledges of obedience from those of you who run the Web logs (or “blogs”), but the last time I checked (a few minutes ago) not one of you has deposited a single dollar into the Lighips accounts. I am nearing the limits of my near-boundless patience. I hereby warn you all that continued piracy of copyrighted materials owned by Lighips eLearning Supremacy Inc will not be tolerated. Rest assured, you are all being monitored, and all of you who are making a quick buck exploiting the good name of Leon Lighips will live to rue the day. Sleep tight, sweeties.

And must I endure tiresome critiques such as these, from someone who has to “admit that [he is] slightly jealous” of me? (Obviously more than “slightly”, chum.)

The Communist Broadcasting Company burned up precious taxpayer dollars yesterday by airing the grievances of a couple aging hippies (one of them a professor from Berkeley — how cliched), griping away just because the sixties are OVER.

What axe were they grinding this time? The PBS documentary about the American Civil Rights Movement, Eyes on the Prize, can no longer be aired because the rights to much of the archival material used in the series has expired. Which means that lawsuits for copyright infringement are likely to result if it’s ever shown publicly. Boo hoo.

These spaced-out oldsters wasted a bunch of time whining about “eroding access to our shared cultural record”, and how multinational corporations view historical archives not as material critical for public memory but as an asset to be exploited for the benefit of their shareholders — well, why the heck shouldn’t they?

What a load of pinko “bull”! Thankfully, they followed up this nonsense with a sensible copyright lawyer, who scored critical points with some straight talk. Like, how managing historical footage is essentially the same as running a hotel. And how the best way to ensure the preservation of our cultural heritage is to keep it in private hands, allowing the profit motive and the invisible hand of the market to decide what gets preserved, what gets seen and by whom.

Personally, I don’t trust libraries and librarians. Their insistence on preserving and providing access to materials for free creeps me out. If there’s one thing I have learned in a lifetime fighting in the trenches of sales and direct marketing, it’s that there’s no such thing as a free lunch. It’s best to keep things of value in private hands — and in as few of them as possible.

Why do we allow freeloading malcontents to complain all the time about concentration of wealth? I like the idea of bigger pools of money being kept in fewer hands. It just makes it easier for me to TAP IN on this UNLIMITED WEALTH!

And you can too! Become a Lighips eLearning Supremacy Reseller! Don’t be a dirty hippie. Let’s gets serious. Let’s make some MONEY!

From the windswept Canadian plains, yet another acknowledgment of my dominance. On the prairies, over the mountains and through the trees, on the ocean waves and under the rocks, you can hear voices whispering a haunting invocation…

The former blogfather of the Ed Tech Webloggers, Stephen Downes himself has acknowledged the ascendancy of Lighips eLearning Supremacy Inc. He graciously surrenders the mantle, and in his abdication post writes what everyone else will learn soon enough, that Leon Lighips is “the king of the long tail”. Quoting Downes: “I welcome our new… Overlord.”

These are exciting times at Lighips eLearning Supremacy Inc. I spoke to dozens of eager potential resellers this morning at a posh downtown hotel in a city that shall remain nameless. Why the secrecy? I respect you enough dear Web log (or “blog”) reader to know that a warrior never reveals his battleplan. Until I have proof of your intentions, until you start delivering the long green into my ready coffers, I must remain wary, and ever ready to strike with extreme prejudice.

All I know is I want some more motivation tapes. Lately I have started listening to them in the shower. Yesterday I was so engrossed in listening to my own product POWER SELLING that I used up half a bar of soap. Lather, rinse, repeat. It was so much fun. But guess I put the music box too far in the shower because it got wet and exploded. My landlord was not too happy when I complained to him that his power hookups didn’t work. (Yeah, like HE’S an electrician!!)

I’ve done a lot of thinking about the storm of activity that I have provoked out there on the “Internet”, and have decided that a friendlier approach may be the best way to “close the deal”. For that reason, I have changed the Web log (or “blog”) links on my sidebar back to their chosen titles, as a gesture of my unlimited generosity. I am nothing if not big-hearted. Children make me weep. Puppies overwhelm me with their clumsy joyous stumbles. I have been known to break into song at the mere sight of mashed potatoes and gravy.

But my beneficence does not come without a price. I am extending a “one time only” offer to every Ed Tech Weblogger of significance — JOIN ME! Become a Lighips eLearning Supremacy Reseller! I have been doing a lot of research into this stuff, and I can assure you that there are untold riches to be made by exploiting the untapped wallets of dupes who want nothing more than enlightenment, and are willing to pay dearly for the privilege.

Think about the kind of money that is made by motivational speakers. They charge upwards of $500 per day and much, much, more for ongoing learning materials. And this is for subject matter that nobody is interested in! Can you imagine what kind of lucre we can pry loose from desperate wallets if we are actually teaching subjects that people can use, and especially if we can leverage the BRAND VALUE of the institutions that you work for?

Join me! Become a Lighips representative! I am a balls-out Nietzchean superman. As the Field Marshall of eLearning Supremacy I survey the battlefield that is higher education, and find it much to my liking. What are you Ed Tech Weblogger, ally or enemy?

If you want to turbocharge your income, doubling, tripling, quadrupling your profits every month, I suggest you stop whatever you are doing and read this weblog with close attention bordering on fear. The future is NOW: you can get on the train or be left at the station, or you can be splattered on the tracks. The choices you make in the next few minutes will seal your fate: ruin, disgrace and despair, or early retirement with riches beyond your wildest imaginings.

All I ask in return is hard work, obedience and unquestioning loyalty. You are for me, or against me. You can be my employee, or you can be my victim. I can be your visionary, friend and protector. I can be your doom. The choice is yours Ed Tech Weblogger. Only you can make it.

Choose wisely, my friend. For if you do not make the correct decision, I will see to it personally that you regret it for the rest of your miserable life.