Thailand is among the world’s top spa destinations. Here, a customer receives a snail facial. Yes: That's exactly what it sounds like.

New Yorkers are paying $300-350, per session, for snail serum injections these days. At least that’s what a Fox affiliate says. The AP agrees, calling snail facials the “next big thing” in beauty.

Apparently, it’s part of a craze already popular throughout Asia, particularly Thailand. This writer gives you the full, first-person scoop of an experience that cost a mere $30 but consisted of five little guys actually slithering around his face, mollusks imported from France that were specially bred just to skate around on people. So, there’s that if you can’t shell out three hunskies.

Doctors and dermatologists disagree, but some claim that the slime snails leave behind can make human skin softer, firmer, glow…ier, and possibly less wrinkly or blemished. Or something.

So, if you DIY it, find the most nervous, neurotic looking gastropod and go to town. Hey, it beats uguisu no fun — nightingale feces facials — which, first of all, exist, popular apparently for centuries among geisha culture in Japan.

Are there any Dallas spas or plastic surgeons offering snail facials or injections yet? Has anyone tried to vertically integrate longhorn patties into the industry? I call dibs for Shark Tank!

How do an otter and a chimp celebrate their first birthdays? Well, the Dallas Zoo is marking the milestone for two of its most adorable residents, chimp Mshindi and Asian small-clawed otter Tasanee, with a party on Saturday. There’ll be a chimp face-shaped birthday cake and “Happy Birthday” singalong for Mshindi and a floating sashimi boat loaded with tasty treats for Tasanee (someone needs to put these under otter-and-chimp birthday celebration ideas on Pinterest, stat).

The primate part of the party is at 10 in the Chimpanzee Forest in Wilds of Africa, and the otter occasion is at 10:45 at Otter Outpost in ZooNorth. There’ll be mini cakes from Nothing Bundt Cakes for the first 100 visitors at each.

In addition to the numerous holiday festivals and spectacles, here are seven North Texas places that will reward you for wearing a tacky top.

– Flying Saucer (December 11 and 12) – Two Flying Saucer locations will be celebrating the season with Oregon’s Deschutes Brewery as the guest of honor. Thursday, December 11, the Fort Worth craft beer bar will tap a keg of Black Butte XXV porter, as well as offer several special release bottles. Then Friday, December 12, the location in Addison will have six Dechutes brews on draft as well as one special release bottle to be announced day-of. Both parties include a tacky Christmas sweater contest beginning at 7 p.m. with prizes such as brewery socks, hats and a ceramic growler.

– Norma’s Café (December 12) – Did someone say free food? Dine at one of the three Norma’s Café locations around D-FW in your ugly Christmas sweater Friday and earn a free slice of pie, while supplies last.

– Chipotle (December 13) – Speaking of deals, all regional Chipotle Mexican Grill restaurants are hosting a Tacky Sweater Christmas Party from 5-8 p.m. on Saturday. Come decked like the halls and get buy one-get one free burritos, tacos, salads and burrito bowls.

Courtesy photo

Truck Yard will be decorated with "Christmas trees" that look like this one.

– Truck Yard (December 13) – If holidays with the fam are more like Bad Santa than A Christmas Story, head over to this East Dallas hangout’s White Trash Christmas Party to feel right at home. On Saturday, Truck Yard will be debuting two new hot drinks – Bishop Punch (mulled wine, rum, Grand Marnier) and Ancho Cocoa (spicy hot chocolate with tequila). Wear the most trailer-vogue Christmas sweater, and you could win a gift card to the bar.

Some dude called “The Dwarfguy” is also said to be bringing a little Santa who will, contrary to tradition, “be sitting in your lap,” according to a press release. The party starts at 8 p.m. and the sweater contest runs 9-11 p.m.

– Top Golf (December 13) – That ugly sweater may have cost you $100, but Top Golf’s three locations are offering a chance to win back the equivalent in gaming credit. Prizes will be awarded for the “All Around Ugliest,” “Most Festive” and “Best Duo” sweaters. The party begins at 9 p.m. Saturday, December 13. Click Dallas, Allen or The Colony for location-specific details.

– LUCK(December 17) – Save your black tie for another occasion. LUCK, recently named one of D-FW’s best craft beer bars, is hosting a tacky sweater beer dinner on Wednesday, December 17. Three courses will pair with beers from 903 Brewers out of Sherman. Tickets cost $35. The menu is still to-be-determined, according to restaurant co-owner Jeff Deitzman, but we’ll update you when we have more info.

– Bryan Street Tavern (December 18) – Ever wanted to meet the Elf on a Shelf? A life-size version will be hanging around East Dallas and available for pictures at radio station 100.3 Jack FM’s Ugly Christmas Sweater Party on Thursday, December 18. The party begins at 7:30 p.m. and is free to attend. Entrants into the ugly sweater contest could win concert tickets, Jack FM swag, CDs or the grand prize of $100 gift card to Bryan Street Tavern.

And it really could be a party because most Chipotles serve fast booze with their fast foods. Beer, you can count on. They’ll have wine and margarita-style drinks if you’re lucky.

Now you’ve got serious decisions to make. Do you bring a date to BOGO? Do you go it alone and claim all the silver-wrapped spoils for yourself?

And how do you define your style between “festive” and “tacky?”

Target has some ugly sweaters this year. (Whoever inspired Target to manufacture ugly Christmas sweaters for every size, age, and sex ought to be awarded. They’re not as cheap as the thrift store, but they are scabies-free.) Etsy always has some winners, too. And Dallas now has its own dedicated ugly sweater shop.

In the Central European celebration of Krampusnacht, people dress as the beast-like Krampus and go around scaring kids (it’s on Dec. 5). Now Krampus is coming to Dallas-Fort Worth. At the Krampus Walk events in Denton and Deep Ellum on Friday, a variety of Krampi will gather and wander in search of those who belong on the naughty list. If you dare, the hairy, scary fellow will also let you sit in his lap and pose for a photo during Christmas With Krampus at Dark Hour Haunted House in Plano Dec. 14.

As a Whatever Blog post from last year notes, “In pre-Christian Alpine folklore, while St. Nicholas was busy each year dispensing gifts to good boys and girls, Krampus, the anti-St. Nick, was out getting his jollies by punishing youngsters who had misbehaved. That evolved into an annual and enduring ritual wherein villagers dressed up as Krampi accompany St. Nicholas and angels as they visit households to dole out rewards or reprimands as the preceding year’s behavior dictates.” Don’t say we didn’t warn you.

The New York Timesasks a pertinent question: “Who really wants to wait in line overnight, or even multiple days and nights, to get first crack at the deepest discounts?”

If you’re all like

I’m not going to

Just to rummage through

But, just,

OK, you’re hyperventilating. THE CROWDS. THE SHOVING. THE SWEATING.

This is not your kind of thing.

You’ve got permission to go eat a turkey sandwich with your Thanksgiving Day leftovers and go back to bed. Forget about those people waiting outside shopping malls in suburbia. Relish in this: There’s one really big, great place to get deals, too:

Take a quick poll before the parade starts: Who’s been in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade before — perhaps as a middle-school-aged tuba player or a pom-pom girl? This person maintains rights to hand out drinks without reason for the entire duration of the game. Use this power wisely.

Each time you hear a TV anchor ask people to join them on Twitter at “#macysparade,” #DRINKTWO. Not on Twitter? You’re officially tasked with getting more beer from the fridge whenever anyone runs out.

Make any person of your choice gobble like a turkey each time you hear a TV announcer call Thanksgiving “Turkey Day.”

Begin your best “Shake It Off” dance if (when) you hear T-Swift’s song. Last person to do the “Shake It Off” dance has to drink four and do a cartwheel. Or maybe you should do the cartwheel first, then drink.

Offer a heartfelt toast when you see the Snoopy and/or Spongebob floats. Everyone drinks together on this one.

Take one drink each time you see someone in the parade shivering. If they look, well, Frozen, sing as much of “Let It Go” as you can remember. For anyone who pretends he or she doesn’t know the words, that person must take a jog around the outside of the house two times. Liar.

Finish your drink if anyone on television describes the weather conditions in New York City as “blustery.” Then assume an English accent for the remainder of the game.

The first person to ask when dinner is: Do five push ups and drink twice.

Don’t know who that person singing on TV is? Take three bad guesses. Then drink once for each bad guess. (That’s three drinks.)

When you see Santa, yell out what you’d like for Christmas. If you don’t celebrate Christmas, yell out what you’d like for your birthday, even if it isn’t anytime soon.

If you spot more than five men in scarves, take two drinks and high-five the person to your left. It must really be cold if there are dudes wearing scarves.

Who can do the best falsetto to Nick Jonas’ song “Jealous”? That person doesn’t have to do dishes after dinner.

If anyone asks if you can turn off the parade in favor of … I dunno … anything else, they’ve just accidentally signed up to make a beer run. Good thing: You were almost out!

On a scale from great to ghastly, Texas clocks in with a solid "meh" as to whether your Thanksgiving will be a family disaster.

It would seem impossible to chart how miserable (or not miserable) your Thanksgiving might be. How do you quantify the number of awkward conversations with an estranged aunt? The number of passive-agressive fights with your siblings? The number of days you’re forced to sleep on the floor because you’re the only unmarried one?

It isn’t exactly science. But it’s more math than I’ve ever put on the probability of a Thanksgiving family fight, that’s for sure.

Ohio is the worst place to have Thanksgiving, according to this study. Ohioites ranked highly in contentious politics, dietary restrictions and NFL team(s) losing. Good luck out there, anyone traveling to (or living in) Ohio.

The best place for Thanksgiving is Hawaii, the numbers say. Hawaii is super low on the salmonella scale and don’t appear to have a lot of complainers when it comes to diet. If you’re going to Hawaii for Thanksgiving, fine, good for you. I bet we’ll see your awesome photos on Facebook.

Here in Texas, we’re pretty middle of the pack: Texas ranked 31 out of 50, meaning it’s slightly more on the less-miserable side than, say, other middling states like New York, Colorado and Tennessee.

Regardless of where you live, we sincerely hope your Thanksgiving is not miserable. But if it is, tell us the whole story in the comments.