Tag Archives: body language

Body language can be a powerful attractant or deterrent when it comes to building relationships with others. People assess you visually within the first few minutes of meeting you. I’ve been asked a lot about body language by the media over the years. Here are some of their questions along with my answers relating to the use of body language in networking environments.

1. What can you do to increase your confidence and to come off as warm, friendly or knowledgeable to others?

People over-think this issue. The answer is pretty straightforward — be more “interested” than “interesting.” When you are meeting people, practice being an interested interviewer and an active listener. Learn about them and during the process make sure that your facial expressions match that interest. Don’t look bored — look engaged. You can do that with a smile, appropriate reaction to a comment or a few nods (but not like a bobblehead doll). Also, use your eyebrows to show your reaction to comments. Do this in an authentic way. If you really show interest in other people, you will be amazed at some of the stories you hear and people you meet. You will also make a great impression on these individuals. All of these things will help to make you look warm, friendly and confident.

2. What is the latest reputable science saying about hand gestures and how they effect the way we’re perceived by other people?

In a study done by Holler and Beatie, they found that gestures increase the value of someone’s message by 60 percent!They analyzed thousands of hours of TED talks and found one striking pattern. The most-watched TED Talks were done by people who used effective hand gestures.

Specifically, they analyzed the top and bottom TED Talks and found that the least popular TED Talks used an average of 272 hand gestures during the 18-minute talk, and the most popular TED Talks used an average of 465 hand gestures during their talk — or almost double!

Remember that hand gestures are good when talking to someone, but don’t turn it into “jazz hands,” where your hands never stop waving! Be purposeful with your gestures.

Also, when doing certain hand gestures, make sure to do them from the listener’s perspective, not yours. For example, if you are talking about the growth of a business, you might naturally do a hand gesture going from your lower left to your upper right. That looks like growth from your perspective, but it would be the opposite from the listener’s perspective. The same goes regarding a timeline. For you, the start of a project would be on your left and the end of the project would be to your right. However, for the listener, your hand gesture should be flipped so that the gesture you are making supports the point you are sharing according to the other person’s perspective. This is a very subtle technique that can really help in your discussions with people.

3. We’ve been hearing about how the so-called “Power Pose” or “Superman Pose” (hands on hips) may not be as effective as research initially showed — is this true? Are there other poses that increase confidence?

The “Power Pose” is great if you are Wonder Woman or Superman. For mere mortals — not so much. It just looks theatrical. Power Posing is a discredited theory of psychology that was based on a 2010 study that has even been refuted by one of the original authors of the paper.

Instead of “striking a pose,” be your best self. Don’t hunch over or look like a wallflower, don’t cross your arms and, above all — maintain good eye contact. Don’t be looking around the room as you are talking to people. It makes them feel like you don’t care about them. Remember, be interested and look interested when you are talking to someone.

4. Personal space is sometimes an issue. How close should you stand to people when you are talking to them?

The study of proxemics has an application to personal space in a conversation. Personal space varies by culture; however, generally speaking, in North American cultures, personal space is roughly arms-length away. Don’t get in someone’s space unless you have a relationship with them that would justify that. Don’t make people feel uncomfortable by standing too close. In this day and age — that is particularly important with the opposite gender.

Body language in networking environments can be very important. Keep the above points in mind. Be comfortable and authentic while not trying to overthink the issue. The key is to practice, practice, practice and observe reactions over time.

TR Garland (pictured with me in the photo below) is a friend of mine and co-author of one of my most recent #1 best-selling books called “Building The Ultimate Network.” He’s also considered a top trainer for the Referral Institute.

For some time now, we’ve both observed a need to drill down on one of the most important and foundational concepts to networking – The VCP Process®. Eight months ago, we started a much-anticipated 12-part monthly series of blog posts which addresses this and contains some very timely information for networkers across the globe. Today, we’re proud to share with you Part 8 of the series. Enjoy.

ARE YOU APPROACHABLE OR ALIENATING?

(Part 8 of 12 of the “Navigating The VCP Process® To Networking” Series)

In Part 1, Part 2, Part 3 , Part 4, and Part 5 of this series, we introduced and re-introduced the concept and steps of The VCP Process® to Networking for our readers through brief anecdotes, relevant comparisons, and sometimes even humorous situations. For Parts 6and 7 we even shared with you video trainings from the both of us

Today, we’d like to share with you a handful of behaviors that you can use on a weekly basis to increase the number of referrals you receive. And, these behaviors are based upon the following question

Are You Approachable or Alienating

Success. It’s not just a word. It’s also a very popular magazine as many of you may be familiar with. And, the Editor of SUCCESS Magazine, Darren Hardy, recently released a book called, “The Compound Effect.”

While it’s an absolutely wonderful book that we recommend you pick up and read in detail, the underlying principle Darren speaks about is that “the little things add up” – just as in networking. Don’t assume that because some of the tactics and tasks we speak about in this blog series are simple and easy to understand that you shouldn’t make the time to practice them. Don’t discount the fact that we recommend you practice some of these simple tasks on a weekly basis. After all, repetition produces RESULTS – especially in networking

With that said, below are some simple things for you to consider based on your Attitude, Body Language, and Congruence when you are evaluating whether or not people perceive YOU as Approachable or Alienating. And, the reason why we believe this topic is so important is because you may be sending unknown and/or unconscious signals to others when you’re networking that will directly affect the number of referrals you receive and referral partners you make

Approachable Behaviors:

Attitude – Smile, laugh, and look like you are a pleasant person to talk to. Although this seems ridiculously simple, you’d be surprised as to how many people forget it, and therefore don’t practice it (see Alienating Behaviors below).

Body Language – Dr. Misner’s book “Networking Like A Pro” introduced the reader to the dynamics of how one stands when conversing called ‘Open 2’s’ and ‘Open 3’s.’ In short, if you are in a conversation with another person or persons, make sure your STANCE allows for others who walk past you to easily join the conversation. Otherwise, they might not see either one of you as approachable then…or ever.

Congruence – Carry yourself as if every person you meet is the Host of that particular networking event. If you were at someone’s party, you’d go above and beyond the norm to make them feel good about themselves and the party…wouldn’t you? I guess what we’re saying here is that you attended the networking event to make new friends and deepen relationships with people you already know, right? Then, it might be appropriate to act like it.

Alienating Behaviors:

Attitude – When attending networking events, leave your own problems at the door. This is true for both your conscious signals as well as your unconscious signals. For example, rambling on about your rough personal or professional life is unbecoming of a future referral partner. Listening to challenges in your relationship or that your boss has favorites in the office are not the reasons why OTHERS attend networking events. If you’re down, don’t bring other people down. They might avoid you at the next networking event, and the next, and the next.

Body Language – Also introduced in Dr. Misner’s book “Networking Like A Pro” was the idea of how one stands when conversing called ‘Closed 2’s’ and ‘Closed 3’s’. In short, it is possible to alienate other people who might want to learn more about you at a networking function simply by standing in a “closed off manner” with those who you are currently speaking with. Your STANCE means everything in your approachability and allows for others who walk past you to easily join the conversation.

Congruence – (or in this case Incongruence) Lacking consistency between what you say and what you do actually makes a big difference in people’s perception of whether or not you are Approachable or Alienating. If they see consistent inconsistencies, they may believe you are insincere in the reason why you went networking to begin with.

In closing, our focus has been measuring your weekly activities and how they relate to moving people in your network through The VCP Process® all the way from Visibility through Credibility to Profitability. We believe that today’s part in the series helped remind you of some simple, yet extremely important ideas to keep “top of mind.” Do you agree?

We thank you for reading today’s post and extend an invitation to be on the lookout for next month’s contribution to this series – Part 9 called “The Fine Line Between Comedy and Competency.”

Body language can be an extremely powerful or attractant or deterrent when it comes to building relationships with others. Could you be unknowingly undermining your networking efforts through your body language?

Here’s a good experiment to implement, sooner rather than later. The next time you’re out networking, take along a trusted friend and have him observe your body language. Here are several things you can ask him to focus on regarding your performance at this event:

Eye contact. Are you making good eye contact throughout the conversation? Or are you looking behind the person to see who else is at the event?

Arm movement. What are your arms doing? Are they folded (“I’m bored”) or tucked behind your back (“I’m interested”)?

Positioning. Are you standing in a manner that is open and welcoming, or blocking people out of your conversation? Are you leaning on something, as if bored or tired? Are you unable to shake hands because you’re juggling a plateful of food?

Facial expressions. Are you smiling, or holding back a yawn? Are you showing interest? What does your face say?

Take time to discuss your friend’s observations and reactions. Listen to the feedback, become more aware, and make adjustments accordingly. Our body language is primarily subconscious–we’re usually not aware of it, or the hidden messages it sends. That’s why we need the help of someone we trust to give us honest feedback.

People check you out visually within the first seven seconds of meeting you. With that in mind, try these two actions in the next few weeks to help ensure that you are making positive and powerful first impressions:

Look in the mirror before leaving the house and ask yourself, “What message am I sending to those who are meeting me for the first time? What opinions will they have of me before I even open my mouth?”

Become more aware of your body language by getting feedback. What are you saying without speaking a word? Take someone with you to your next networking function and ask them to provide honest, direct feedback on your body language.

After you’ve taken these actions, please come back and leave a comment sharing what important things you learned–we’d all like to hear your thoughts!

Let’s face it: As a businessperson, you’ve got a lot going on. There are people to see, places to go and a whole lot of stuff to do. Can you do all this, and look and act presentable at all times, too?

Quite frankly, getting and keeping your act together can be a little overwhelming for even the sanest of people, so here are some tips:

1. Look the part before going to a networking event. You’d be surprised how many people fall short in the fundamental area of appearance. If it’s a chamber of commerce networking breakfast, don’t dress casually–wear a good suit or outfit. You need to be well-rested and clearheaded when attending a morning networking session; make a conscious effort to get plenty of sleep the night before. If you’re not a morning person, hit the sack earlier than usual, so you don’t look like the walking dead. Regardless of how many cups of coffee you’ve had, people can tell if you’re not all there.

2. Make sure your body language sends the right message. When it comes to forming networking relationships, most of the important information–trustworthiness, friendliness, sincerity, openness–is communicated through nonverbal cues such as posture, facial expression and hand gestures. When engaging in conversation, look the other person directly in the eye and stay focused on what he’s saying. Lean a bit into the conversation rather than away from it; don’t stand rigid, with your arms crossed.

3. Be prepared. Make sure you know which pocket your business cards are in, and have plenty on hand. Nothing screams, “One of these days I’ve got to get organized!” louder than handing a potential referral partner someone else’s card.

4. Remember to smile. Studies have shown that if you smile when you talk, you seem more open and forthright. Obviously you don’t want to go overboard with this, and start grinning and shaking hands like a hyperactive clown; just show that you’re having a good time, and that will send the right message.

Perception is reality when it comes to meeting people for the first time. If people perceive you as not being right for them, they simply won’t be inclined to refer business to you, regardless of the work you can actually do. However, by keeping the above tips in mind, you’ll go a long way toward creating the right impression in the blink of an eye.

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