So my story in an nutshell; been in and out of court with Ex for almost 5 years. I guess you can say I "won" the last round of court which took up the last year of my life. Although Ex and I already had joint-custody, I was self-represented and fighting for equal access to my kids. My Ex of course thought alternate weekends without midweek access was the limit of her generosity, not only that, she filed her own motion for sole-custody. OCL weighed in and said no to sole custody and yes to equal access.

Now it's of course Christmas and surprise, Ex sends kids home with a Christmas present for my new wife and I??!?! Only thing going through my mind is WTF??? I find it hard to switch gears; how can I be the scum of the earth who doesn't even deserve custody in her eyes, but poof all of a sudden, "Merry Christmas?".

Do you give Christmas presents (or birthday presents for that matter) to your Ex?? Is it appropriate?

So far the only time I purchase anything is a mothers day card and usually a flower. Our daughter actually does this but I think its an important day so it makes sense. Our daughter made Mom a christmas card so we sent that as well. Its really up to our daughter. By all means I would not spend more than $20 on my ex in these situations and it would have to be a special occasion, but I don't see the harm in it. It also goes a long way with showing our daughter that I do not hate her mom and am trying to do something to facilitate something positive in their relationship.

I buy stuff for the ex from my daughter (with my daughter, I normally let her pick it out) christmas and mothers day. I rarely get anything in return. I do it because sometimes the small gestures of kindness grant me some peace of mind for a period of time, as it puts me back in the good books with the ex.

Plus my daughter likes it. She likes the idea that mom and dad get along well enough to buy each other things. When I suggested last night that we spend a bit of our time together to go shopping for mom, my daughter got all bright eyed and happy. Now, the "shopping" ended up with us at Tim Hortons getting D7 a hot chocolate, the ex a $25 Tim's card and myself a coffee. But it was something that made D7 happy so it was money well spent.