Journal

When your creative world becomes dark and the only thing you know, is that you have to move forward, then you move forward. In the dark. Hitting shit with your shins and swearing like a wharf worker, but still moving forward. Why I hear you say? Because sitting still, in the dark, waiting for the last trace of sanity to leave my mind, just isn't a friggin option for me anymore.

...sitting still, in the dark, waiting for the last trace of sanity to leave my mind...

So on my new found journey of self discovery and story telling, I first need to move forward in the dark. Get the brain working again, while blasting away the rusted solid creative blocks that plague my mind. I did this by trying something I haven't done in a very long time. I gave myself a shooting challenge designed to break me. 11 fashion shoots in 24 hours. Each with different hair, makeup, style, location, models and a seperate personal shooting challenge for each.

Image taken from Session 10 - Garage Studio

I made the call to my amazing friend, skilled MUA and creative guru Marie and she stepped up to support me on this little trip into craziness. With her help we built the team. An amazing team !!

It was hectic on shoot weekend. We started late afternoon Saturday and finished Sunset Sunday. A little past the 24 hour challenge, but hey it was designed to break me. I was inspired by the people around me, pushing past the tired barrier, the failures, the mishaps, the late finishes, the very early starts & the reworks to get something solid. There was silly amounts of lollies, chips, sandwiches, coffee, red wine, white wine, whiskey, cider, port and some water consumed on this epic shoot and all essential to get the result. Well I am still arguing about the water.

The result was simple. We got something out of every session. Some images made it into the portfolio, some published, a large chunk being used for team business marketing and the rest have been slowly trickling onto social media to share with the world.

Here a few images from each session, with a few Behind the Scene images.

It was chaotic, physically exhausting, technically challenging and emotionally overwhelming. Did it break me? It came close. I lost my shit a few times, mostly at the dog. Would I do it again? In a heartbeat, especially with this crew. I am not out of the dark yet, however I can see a flicker of light in the distance. Now for the next step forward in the dark.

It's time to start swimming. Enough of this tredding water, enough of hating my work, just enough. So here I am at the starting line of a new phase of my photography. A new way for me to create images. Everything now focused on a changed mind set. A new way for me to do what I always wanted to do - Tell the story. I have started the planning for my next story I want to tell. I am investing money, time and equipment into the ideas and now preparing the teams to create images that will hopefully bring the stories to life.

So here I am at the starting line of a new phase of my photography.

Sometimes when your starting in a new direction, you have to first reflect on the times in your past that have invoked some emotion and inspired you, so you can take those felling and use them to drive you. So I took and little history trip into my images, looking for a memory of emotion I can use. Looking for happiness. I found some.

Last year I had the privilege of taking a group of photography students to New Zealand. We had an amazing group of people travel with us, not to mention a world class team.

When I look at the images I was able to capture while helping others capture stunning imagery as well, it puts butterflies into my belly. I have a passion for sharing this amazing art form with others and I want to inspire people to use their camera to unleash their creative selves and the memories of this trip brings nothing but amazingly happy feelings. I even lost a camera and lens into the deep darkness of a freezing cold lake, but I think about it now with a smile.

We traveled the South Island, stopping and starting, looking for the light, having an adventure with our cameras and our fellow travellers.

So now I have my fuel, my happiness memories, that I can use to drive my mind forward. I am excited for the things to come. I am still scared I will fail, but now I am confident if I do, it won't stop me from enjoying life and doing what I am here to do - Use photography to Tell Stories.

It's been six months since I have written anything. Six long months. During this time I have been treading water in the ocean of life. Not really going anywhere, splashing my arms so not to sink into the deep blue. It doesn't feel like 6 months, it feels like a lifetime. My arms are tired from keeping me afloat.

A true mind f&ck

As you may have noticed, there is an understated kaos in my head. A true mind f&ck if you will, and this is something I have yet to conquer. Last year I questioned my purpose as a photographer in this world. Does my work have meaning? Does it speak to who I am? Does it tell a story the world needs to hear? For my wedding photography work, I think the purpose is clear and I love what I create and capture. My personal work is, for no better description, not clear.

Is this because I have not given time to create my own new work? Is it that I don't have the resources to truely do my ideas justice? Or is it that I am scared to try, for not wanting to fail to find the direction I am seeking? It also occurs to me that it may be all three.

One portrait image I shortlisted for the ACT Awards

I have been neglecting the personal growth by not allocating time for my own projects. I have been justifying that in my mind by the fact that allot of my free time, I have accepted requests for other peoples projects. By filling the space, there is no room for my own ideas.

The ideas I have and the stories I want to share are grand. I am not rich, nor famous, so I feel I would never be able to create the vision that is inside my mind. By not trying then how can I ever be disappointed.

By not trying then how can I ever be disappointed.

Am I scared to try to find my purpose? I thought my purpose was to be a photographer. I know it is but now I feel there is a deeper purpose, to use my passion I have for this art to help the world somehow. I am scared that I won't find it.

It has been a long 6 months. What I do know now is that I must start moving forward or I will drown, so I have a choice. Face the fears and challenges these new ideas have, or continue floating as long as I can before eventually drowning into the deep. It's time to swim forward.

Because of these feelings I didn't enter the AIPP ACT state photography awards this year. This is why I didn't come out to play. I didnt think they told the story I was looking to tell. In truth I didn't know what I wanted to say.

One wedding image that I shortlisted for the ACT Awards

I don't know what I have to say or how I am ment to say it, however I do know I have to start trying to say something. So please stayed tuned as I hope that when I next share my personal work it will be saying something. Not just a story but perhaps a little about me. I think it's time for me to come out and play.

Well the year is coming to an end and I have to say.......what a rollercoaster MotherF*&KER trip 2016 has been. The shadow of deathly sad news about loved ones, to the blinding bright joy of achieved long desired goals. My head desires this rollercoaster to end and it seeks flat, still ground, however my heart knows that this balance of light and darkness gives me my drive and actually fuels my happiness.

What a rollercoaster MotherF*&KER trip 2016 has been.

I have laughed with strangers, grown closer to friends, created with true artists, had 52 Monday awesome days, had my eyes and mind opened to new things and had my heart ache, while my eyes flow with tears of pain and sadness.

I love my life, the people in it, the experiences I have, all the feelings I go through, the self doubts, the ludicrous ideas, the joy of doing my passion everyday. I am not rich, I am not famous, I am Happy and that my friend is what life is about.

Here is a few images from the year. Enjoy.

I would like to thank everyone involved in the making of these images. Please feel free to tag peeps in or involved in the making of them. I am a better person and photographer because of you all.

I look forward to 2017 and all the rollercoaster highs and lows it will bring.

I have been studying and training, on and off, in martial arts since I was about 15. Most martial arts use coloured belts to help identify the level the student has mastered. Everyone I knew aimed for the highest level. The black belt. I trained for years and years until I was ready to grade for my black belt. The week before my grading I injured my knee and could not grade. 6 months later I was ready again and this time two days before my grading I injured my shoulder. The 3rd time, 12 months later, I was ready again. Would you believe it, I blew my knee again getting out of my car. I was devastated. Then my master took me aside and shared something with me, that to this day keeps my going. He explained that the black belt is not the end of my martial arts training, it is just the start of my journey. All of the years of training to achieve the black belt was just teaching me the fundamentals. The rules of the art. He said you are ready to now create the art. Improve it. Grow the knowledge, Create new rules and make a difference for the art. The black belt is just a piece of material that represents what's inside you.

I was awarded a Master of Photography by the AIPP.

For the last 5 years I have been working towards a photography goal. Recently that goal was realised. I was awarded a Master of Photography by the AIPP. I consider this award a black belt in photography. Now that I have reached this personal goal, I questioned "is this it for me and photography?". I felt disheartened and was lost for quite a while. I then remembered my sensei and how this is not the end of my journey, but just the start. I feel that I have mastered the fundamentals and now can start creating new rules for my beloved art. Create imagery to make a difference and grow the knowledge for me and for my students.

I thought I would share a few images from the last few months that I have captured and in turn they have really captured something in me. They are not my design or concept, however I always stop and look at them when I am browsing my catalogue.

I am a photographer with my photographic realm being digital. I do enjoy all forms of the art and constantly experiment with methods to push my understanding of all things visual. This is also something I encourage in my students. I have never shot with film professionally or processed in a dark room, however have studied the methods. This was something that I was questioned about recently. It was suggested that a "true" professional photographer doesn't need to edit there images in post production. My stance is of the contrary. It is my belief all photographers, both film and digital, have to use post production methods as one of their final steps in their workflow. The stronger your steps are, the stronger your images will be.

The stronger your steps are, the stronger your images will be.

Now this argument or "heated discussion", is one to be had over good wine or whiskey and not online in a journal entry, hence I will share a recent shoot I did instead, which may show the power of a well executed final step.

Recently I was approached by a good friend and amazing Makeup Artist. She asked if I would be interested in doing a test shoot with a new face. Now there are few people in this world I just yes too, every time, without hesitation and even without looking at the proposal. Marie is one of those people.

Now there are few people in this world I just yes too, every time, without hesitation...

After the shoot, selections are made from the uploaded set and from there I will edit the images in post production. Sometimes there is a clear direction for the image and then there are times when I am not 100% sure the mood or feeling I want from the image. It is these times I will experiment and try different post production methods to see what can be crafted. I do this digitally, while a film developer would do this through physical and chemical methods.

"Beth" edited using 3 different methods.

These images all have a slightly dark edge to them as was the intent of the lighting and posing of the model, however the editing gives them all a different feel. Put simply the first has basic colour adjustments, the second a high contrast B&W conversion and the 3rd has a washed out shadows with selective colour change and selection region desaturation applied.

Each are different enough to give a different feel and each are strong enough to stand alone. I am happy I do have the opportunity to use my post production skill set to assist my image creation. Digital Post production is just another step I use to help me realise my vision of my images and sometimes these methods will create images I initially didn't envisaged.

There is no wrong way of doing something when you are producing in a creative field like photography. If it works for you then it is right. Using digital post production in my workflow is right for me.

Well you blink and it comes around again. I always find that the time in your life seems to speed up the older you get. Christmas used to take forever to arrive when I was a child, yet now it feels like we just finished packing the tree when its time to put it back up again. This is the same for the ACT AIPP Epson Photography Awards. It was like only 8 journal entries ago!! (Not sure if that means I should write more or time has sped up).

I enter the state and national awards for one simple reason. To help me grow as a photographer. I use it as a target to help educate myself, have a creative outlet and to push myself to produce new work. All this helps me grow as a photographer and sometimes as a person.

I was fortunate enough to receive 5 awards in this years ACT awards and also be a finalist for ACT Portrait Photographer of the year.

2016 ACT AIPP Epson Silver Award

2016 ACT AIPP Epson Silver Award

2016 ACT AIPP Epson Silver with Distinction Award

2016 ACT AIPP Epson Silver Award

2016 ACT AIPP Epson Silver Award

I enjoy creating imagery. It is as much a part of who I am as say the scars I have on my body or my tattoo's. I would not be able to create imagery like these without the talent and support of the amazing people I get to work with. So thankyou all for helping me be a photographer.

So this is how it all went down. Ella is an awesome soul. The world would be a better place if there were more peeps like her in it. She posted a selfie this one day, of her new haircut and I went "I would so love to have you in front of my camera one day. Hit me up if you ever want to shoot something". She did - a few messages later we had it sorted. Shoot a little here, shoot a little there. Add some laughs and some tripping over studio lights and BAM, Total Devastation!

The world is screwed now !!!!

I have always loved the character Tank Girl. Her attitude, her strength and of course her sharp tongue. As soon as I saw Ella it jump into my head for the theme.

Bam, total devastation

I had two ideas for the look. A poster look, almost cartoon feel with different quotes the character would have used. This was shot using a white background 4 light setup. Two bare bulbs on the background to blow to pure white and two on the model (small softboxes) in a odd clamshell setup.

Poster from the "Tank Girl" series.

The second look is more of a dark edgy feel, however still wanted to pay homage to Tank Girls graphic novel roots, so went to another 4 light setup I often use for similar looks. Two lights with gridded strip banks on either side of the model and a high front main light and a fill light on the floor. After some extra experimenting in post production (ooohhh and some whiskey), I settled on this look.

Dark graphic novel images from the "tank Girl" series.

Here is a little secret, after every shoot I select my personal fav image and give it a special ID mark in my editing system. Normally I choose maybe 1 or 2 from the shoot, sometimes none, however this time round I choose 7.

Again I am a very lucky person to know such amazing people and I can not thank Ella & Lottie enough for helping create something so cool.

I believe you must have balance in your life to be truly happy. Work & play, joy & sadness, stress & relaxation, hope & despair. All things coming together to keep you level in life, balanced in your mind, allowing you to see and feel the things truly important to you. I am often unbalanced, something pulling at me, tilting me off my centre. It is at these times I don't feel like myself, however it is in these times I now recognise I am not right and have taught myself to then search to find my balance again.

...it is really simple, but I am not sure your going to like it.

"OOhhhhh Doug what is the secret to finding your balance?" I hear people thinking. I don't know what works for you but for me it is really simple, but I am not sure your going to like it. I stop thinking. Stop worrying about things I have no control over. Strip back myself so I can see what makes me who I am at that moment. When I do that, I see what isn't working, find the new path and continue my journey. Now I said it's simple, not that it's easy. I struggle to close my brain and stop the worry, especially if I am filled with emotion.

Life happens like that sometimes, so why shouldn’t we shoot like that.

I often shoot to clear my head. Helps me find my centre and reflect on myself. It has a weird healing power; just hanging out in the studio creating imagery for the pure love of it. "Golden Beauty" was one such shoots.

Image from the "Golden Beauty" series

We literally made this shoot up on the fly. Kirsten brought some stuff thinking that gold would be a nice theme, Cheyne brought her amazing self and her faith that we would have fun and create something cool and I didn't even think about lighting until the girls walked out of the prep room. Life happens like that sometimes, so why shouldn't we shoot like that.

So I have been low on the mojo the last few months. It happens to me from time to time. It normally just hits in the winter and then hangs around for about a month or so and then it leaves just as quickly as it arrives. This time has been a little different. I don't know why it's different, I just know it is.

Image from the "Día de Muertos" series

It wasn't that long ago that this type of thing would have sent me back into the blackness, however I now use the support I have around me and also the Monday Awesome to hold me level while I figure out what to do. It took me a little while to figure out what I needed. A mojo injection straight into the creative nerve.

A mojo injection straight into the creative nerve.

Cue my awesome and amazing friends. I blocked out some time and put in "Mojo building" into the calendar. I have done several shoots now and have a few more lined up and I can already feel my inner awesome coming back. It feels good.

This "Día de Muertos" series is a mix of "Day of the dead sugar skull witch" and a Japanese Geisha. Why I hear you say? Why the hell not I say. As always I am honoured to be able to work with just the most amazingly talented people.

This is my girl, my inspiration, my muse and my happiness. She helps, supports and most importantly, she believes in me.

My Babydoll - Erin

I have been a professional photographer for a relatively short part of my life and am constantly striving to improve my craft. The most important thing to have, to be a success, are friends and loved ones that are there for you.

This can be said about all things in life. It’s not about how famous you are or how rich you are or how many awards you have, it’s all about the people in your life.

Because of the giant leaps of faith I am taking in my life, there are times when I doubt myself, my decisions and my ability. Having the support and love of Erin gives me strength and hope which helps me face the adversity of life and also my inner demons.

Erin and Jaz just hangin out

Erin is by far my most photographed subject. Lucky for me she has tolerated my need to experiment with methods, styles and equipment.

I am lucky to have Erin in my life and I am a better photographer and a better person because of her.

My life, at times, feels like I am in a huge forrest. The trees obscuring my view of the sky and making the sun work hard so as to let its light hit my face. With many trails in this maze of green; each winding their way around the trees; some easy but take you nowhere; some seemingly impossible to travel yet lead you to an almost magical location. Then there are times I feel their is no trial. I almost feel lost, aimlessly walking through the dense plant life, trying not to become entangled. Sometimes I trip, fall, become disorientated, lost in a world I still find beautiful, yet am petrified of at the same time.

My enemy or my saviour. Which will he be today?

It is these times I truly fear. It is these times my heart begins to race without control. It is these times this beautiful world becomes dark with all its elements plotting my downfall. It is these times, the Woodsman appears.

He can destroy you with one blow or protect you from the animals. He can dig your grave or lead you from the shadows and back to the path. You see, the Woodsman is me. My belief or self doubt. My strength or my weakness. My enemy or my saviour. Which will he be today?

"The Woodsman"

Many thanks to an amazing team who never fails to create something special.

I use photography competitions to help me drive my skills and push me to create new work at a high standard. I recently entered some images into the Australian Professional Photography Awards (APPA). These awards are considered by many as the most prestigious and competitive in the country.

The point about the awards I like the best is that my images are judged by a panel of some of the best photographers in the world. My images were set in front of these industry leading experts and they discussed and argued over the quality, intent and story. I was awarded 2 Silvers and a Silver with Distinction this year.

"Fire Prince" - 2015 APPA Silver Award

"Suicide Clown Reflections" - 2015 APPA Silver Award

"Pirate Mike" - 2015 APPA Silver with Distinction Award

I love what I do. I love that I can create imagery that can capture a feeling, emotion or can tell a story. I will always create images; it is in my soul; it is part of who I am. I look forward to creating something new and I look forward to showing the world how I see things.

I have recently embarked on another little personal journey and it is due to the fact that I have noticed of late, that I have been falling into a slump of comfort. Shooting the same things, the same way, telling the same stories. I know for me, that this state is very dangerous for the creative mind. It can eat your soul like a cancer, slowly destroying your thirst and drive and before you know it, your shaking hands with the darkness again.

...before you know it, your shaking hands with the darkness again.

This personal project journey involves me shooting and editing subjects that I might not normally and edit in styles that I may not have tried before. I have only shot 3 shoots in this journey so far and I have been so surprised how many holes in my knowledge I have found. Using methods and techniques that I would normally consider "not me", has stretched me more than I had thought. I have a renewed thirst to learn, practice and soak in the skills which I can then throw into my virtual photography toolbag.

Image from the "Flowers and Glitter" series

One of the shoots in this journey was "Flowers and Glitter". A beauty studio shoot, using 2 young models and focused on the makeup and hairpieces. I stood back from the creative development of this shoot deliberately so I wouldn't tempted to fall back into my normal way of doing things. The team was amazing and I learnt allot from working with them.

Before I was a photographer, I was a senior computer engineer, working the 9 to 5 life for a global company, climbing the corporate ladder, with my 2 nice cars, nice big house, nice wife and a couple of pet dogs. I had everything society said I should, to have a happy life. Why then did I feel so unhappy, empty, uninspired, walking around day to day, living the zombie life.

...unhappy, empty, uninspired, walking around day to day, living the zombie life. 

I don't know why that picture of happiness didn't fill my life with joy. Perhaps it was just that my life was always destined to follow another path. My life is very different now. I am happy, inspired, full of life and walking with the living every day.

Image from the CMA Zombie assessment shoot

I am very lucky to be able to work with some very talented makeup artists in my day to day life. Their skills and passion for what they do, inspires me and fills me with creative energy. This zombie shoot was part of a makeup student assessment in Canberra. Some awesome work by the future of the industry.

...I just love shooting zombies

It might just be that in my previous life, I was living a zombie life, but I just love shooting zombies.

I recently entered the 2015 ACT AIPP EPSON Photographic Awards, with a selection of images from my personal projects. I find using the awards each year helps me complete my projects and forces me to expand my skillset and grow my abilities.

...forces me to expand my skillset and grow my abilities.

I was fortunate to win 3 silver awards and a silver with distinction award in the portrait category, from my four entries. This also made me a finalist for the 2015 portrait photographer of the year award.

I always look forward to entering AIPP awards, both state and national. Not to win awards but the process to create new and exciting pieces.

Surround yourself with amazing, driven and talented artists and your life is just better. It is a rare occasion that you have the opportunity to surround yourself with hundreds of talented artists from all parts edges of the fashion industry, all with the soul purpose of creating an amazing show. Being an official photographer at FASHFEST 2015 was that opportunity for me this year.

Surround yourself with amazing, driven and talented artists and your life is just better.

Image from "FashFest 2015" series

What I loved about the experience was the ability to see how the amazingly different personalities involved all, mixed together to create such an amazing outcome. I was part of a team of photographers, tasked to carry out capturing the event in all it's elements. This ment we all were challenged in the types of photography we were tasked to complete. Some examples of types of photography that was required included product work, VIP, media wall, atmosphere, backstage, catwalk and then we needed to mix that all in with our own creativity to ensure the imagery provided is more than a capture but an image that can tell a story.

An amazing experience and one I would do again in a heartbeat. I need my sleep now but the new friends and the imagery that we all were able to get made it worth the effort.

I was approached by an awesome young lady trying to make her dream of becoming a professional makeup artist, come to life. I just love clients that come to me with a very clear vision of what she wants and how she is going to use the imagery. It allows me to focus my efforts and creativity to make something special and effective.

...throw my mojo into the spiral down into the darkness

Image from the "Orange" portfolio series

This shoot isn't my normal cup of tea. The style that was needed was very bright, clean and beautiful. I found it difficult at times while editing to stop myself falling back into the dark, edgy style I often move towards with allot of my dark beauty portraiture work. The solution was some loud bop-y music and some sugary sweets.

Composite from the "Orange" portfolio series

You need variety in your life for a number of reasons. The big one for me is so my brain doesn't fall into the mush of boredom and complacency. For me that is one thing that will throw my mojo into the spiral down into the darkness.

...help another artist with their dreams, you never know, you may need their help with yours

Being able to help another artist realise her dream, helps me feed my mojo. So life just gets better for everyone. I would encourage us all to help another artist with their dreams, you never know, you may need their help with yours.

I have been told by so many people as I was training to be a photographer and even now, that you need to have hair and makeup and stylists involved in a photoshoot to create something amazing. I grew to believe something very different. Having an amazing team to help create images can really add to the shoot, however on the other end of the spectrum not doing anything can also be just as amazing.

...not doing anything can also be just as amazing.

I was challenged by a few people at the time to put my money where my mouth is. So I put a last minute call out to the social media world of friends and said "Come as you are, no makeup, no styling, no team. Just have some fun in front of the camera", to shoot that evening. I setup my studio and shot whoever came in, as they were. About 12 people showed up an we ordered pizza, turned the music up load and laughed and joked and took a few photo's.

I can not tell you how much fun I had on this shoot and really we only had about 5 minutes each in front of the camera, yet we got so many amazing images. Zero prep time for the models and about 20 seconds to a minute of editing time.

I should do more of these shoots; it’s good for my soul.

It can get very overwhelming for photographers who fall into the trap that you need to make a big production for every shoot, when sometimes the simple approach would work so much better. This shoot was a couple of years ago now, however I still have some of my fondest studio shoot memories from that evening. I should do more of these shoots; it's good for my soul.