Tanhauser Gate

Gritty semi-near future

Cybermurder Mystery Science Theater 3000

damn it feels good to be a gangsta

29

JUL/12

The contract agents are summoned to their boss’s secret meeting room of super secret silence and are informed of a number of queer as fuck suicides that do not appear to be related. After deliberating over the photos, bossman reveals some evidence that shows these to possibly be related murders, and that an accountant is currently the prime suspect. Unfortuantely Jose Burrito Supreme is a pasty fatbody and wouldn’t have been likely able to take on a Troll or Orc by himself. There’s likely an accomplice out there somewhere. More worrying is that Jose has no priors and lacks the balls to pull off an 187 on 4 victims, so it’s possible that he’s a patsy for someone else.

After cracking open some bodies and taking notes, the gang splits up: Ice Cube and Xzibit go track down an adulterer while Beyonce and Lil Wayne gather rumors and ponder over the evidence. Perhaps the already in custody “murderer” is yet another victim in a more roundabout way: their angle is that some dicksuck is getting off on watching others do the dirty deed for them and is ensuring cooperation using their cyberware against them. Snoopdogg and Bustarhymes are useless this time around.

Ice Cube and Xzibit roll up on a school, where Pop ‘n Fresh is grading papers. They bust in and blackmail the butterball into fessing up and helping the team. Beyonce and Lil Wayne return to the station while some leads pan out – they have their thugs haul in some lazy nigger troll who’s calling in sick all the time to see if the cyberpsychosis meme theory works out.