Real Housewives of Orange County

Boobs: Real Housewives of OC Recap

This week on Real Housewives of Orange County Kelly prepared for boob surgery by having a reduced boob themed volleyball party. Tamra and Vicki confronted each other. Lydia grew tired of Shannon’s dramatic antics.

NEW BOOBS

Breastfeeding caused Kelly’s boobs to dramatically deflate, so she got some implants. Those boobs, however, had become too much to bear. They were like dragging two bags of sand across the desert. Tamra’s doctor, a favorite of Newport Beach and the owner of the wineglasses she sipped from two episodes before offered to reduce them so that she could stand upright with comfort once again. Before she had them removed she commemorated those boobs in plaster and then on a sheet cake. Michael, always willing to help his wife in matters of breasts, applied plaster of paris on their patio while their toddler neighbor was in full view. “Hey, Bobby!” he yelled while cupping her jugs.

TOP GUNS

Kelly facilitated a volleyball tournament. Several people wore custom t-shirts. Doug wore a swimsuit because he was under the impression they were casting for the Top Gun sequel. Meghan was not invited because she’d hurt Kelly’s feelings by intimating she was having an affair and because they had filled both rosters. (Diko and Vicki’s boyfriend Steve were subs).

ETHICS COMMITTEE

Though Vicki had reached out to Tamra a few days before to rekindle their friendship any chance for reunification was destroyed at her birthday party. She had intentionally set up an opportunity for Tamra’s former best friend to ridicule her marriage because he was still upset he had not been invited to her season finale baptism party. “I don’t even know why he was at my party,” said Vicki. She was also not sure why Gretchen and Lizzie showed up in prom dresses.

They suffered through a few rounds of volleyball before heading back to Kelly’s house to eat. They managed to avoid each other for a good two hours before confronting one another in Kelly’s white chapel themed bedroom. “Why are you screaming at me?” asked Tamra. Vicki swung octaves while insisting that Tamra could no longer call herself a victim. “I almost lost business because of you!” Vicki yelled. She recalled all the times Tamra called her a con woman. “I am on an ethics committee!” she added. Tamra quietly sighed. “But you lied about cancer, so there’s that,” she replied. “Don’t say I lied about cancer!” screamed Vicki, “or I will go ballistic.” She had already gone ballistic.

I MUST STOP THIS

As this unfolded Shannon was sipping a vodka tonic in a straw hat in the kitchen. She refused to wear a volleyball shirt or to allow Vicki to yell at the friend she called no less than 20 times a day. “I can’t just sit here and let this happen,” she said in the kitchen. Peggy tried desperately to block her, but Shannon could not be stopped.

SHE FIGHTS DIRTY

As the sunlight hit Tamra’s face the others wondered why Shannon had entered the room. It made much less sense when Lydia and Peggy walked in behind her. Vicki unloaded on the friend she’d once hosted in her Puerto Vallarta time share. “You know what, Vicki,” said Shannon, “it’s been two years now and nothing you say affects me,” she added while moving her hand over her face like a geisha. (My mom fights dirty when backed into a corner, explained Briana early in the episode while eating sandwiches in her bed).

“As Tamra tried to make sense of her fight with Vicki, Shannon and Lydia were in the midst of a showdown. Lydia had grown irritated by Shannon grasping Tamra’s leg underneath the table after she’d admitted to her own small breast implants. “I’m done with you,” said Lydia, which caused Shannon to go into body shakes. “I wasn’t doing that because of you admitting to surgery, I was doing it because I think Peggy is a nut ball,” she tried to explain. “I just get tired of all the dramatics,” explained Lydia while wearing a Debbie Gibson hat. Tamra was confused because she had spent 15 minutes consuming Kelly’s boob cake. It had been months since she had carbohydrates.

IN OTHER NEWS:

Doug made a vasectomy appointment.

Peggy had a breast appointment, which left her chest tender. Despite this she played a round of volleyball.