I mean, you almost have to give the guy credit for his restraint. I would have snapped halfway through the first song. Right?! (For any of you ultra-sensitive neo-liberals who may be tempted (RABIDLY FROTHING) to take offense, I’ve taken the liberty of writing your response, for you. You’re welcome.) “Oh my god! Did Rob […]

Facebook is currently recommending a known rapist to me as a “person I may know.” Awesome. It wouldn’t bother me nearly as much if they would just include a home address, so I could pick up some special supplies at Home Depot real quick, before I pop over and say hi. Nothing much. Just some rolls […]

Last week, my doctor prescribed me some anti-depressants to help me stop crying all the time. It was an exciting event for me, because I don’t like crying all the time. The doctor’s office called in my prescription to the Safeway down the street, which is maybe the most depressing place in Portland. It nearly […]

I’m not gonna lie to you, bed bugs are a real pain in the ass. They climb up into your luggage in hotels and airports and just follow you home. And then they get into EVERYTHING! Clothes, mattresses, pillows, furniture and electronics. They especially love keyboards and big huge TVs. Fortunately, this big, huge TV […]

This big-ass TV is yours, if you want to come and haul it away. It’s about 10 years old, and still works great. It even has a remote, if you can believe it! It has a special setting that filters out super gay stuff like RuPaul’s Drag Race and CNN’s Wolf Blitzer, so your sensitive […]