70

52

66.8

72.9

72.7

.579

.598

41.4%

47.7%

89.1%

1.9%

8.6%

64

59

60.7

54.6

56.0

.478

.498

0.4%

5.0%

5.4%

1.1%

3.1%

It takes a very specific skill for a baseball player like Alex Rodriguez to go within his rights to appeal a baseball suspension and have fellow union members not like him for it.

5

71

52

76.5

73.3

71.9

.595

.575

33.4%

63.4%

96.8%

0.9%

-0.5%

Jake Westbrook doesn't always strike people out. But when he does ... haha just kidding he never does.

6

70

54

71.9

71.7

71.9

.576

.556

26.4%

67.7%

94.1%

0.7%

1.1%

They're sneaking up in the NL Central standings behind the unsuspecting Pirates and Cardinals through the art of guerrilla warfare. At least that's why I think they smeared their faces with chili.

7

73

51

78.1

84.0

83.0

.641

.659

98.9%

0.8%

99.7%

0.7%

0.3%

It's pretty clear from this past weekend that Miguel Cabrera is from another planet. But just imagine a planet with nothing but Miguel Cabreras. You could go there and lead the league in stolen bases every year.

8

64

58

62.8

60.2

60.6

.507

.487

1.6%

9.5%

11.2%

0.5%

2.9%

Joe Thatcher threw five pitches in his team's 16-inning win. In accordance with the new clubhouse food distribution policy, Joe Thatcher is entitled to a caraway seed.

9

55

68

57.9

61.0

59.4

.474

.494

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

-0.0%

They're not out of this! They can totally win this. (This = American League West third place)

10

57

66

52.4

56.4

56.1

.451

.471

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

Ah yes, the ol' "win the series against Texas except the game Felix Hernandez got shelled" party trick. Always a crowd pleaser.

11

54

68

53.7

56.0

55.7

.450

.469

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

-0.0%

Joe Mauer could have a 50-game hitting streak by now and I'm not sure anyone would notice.

12

54

70

55.9

58.4

59.3

.459

.439

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

Four of Khris Davis' home runs were hit on days that Chris Davis also hit home runs.

13

54

69

50.1

49.7

51.8

.418

.398

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

-0.0%

Can Ryne Sandberg turn this team around? That is to say, can Ryne Sandberg play right field and is the year 1985?

14

41

82

43.8

38.6

41.0

.334

.352

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

Brett Oberholtzer is officially the most metal name on the Astros. Try saying his name without picturing yourself at a Dokken concert.

15

49

74

53.4

53.6

53.3

.426

.445

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

Alexei Ramirez has three home runs since he started batting third after the Alex Rios trade earlier this month, giving him four home runs on the year.

16

47

75

48.7

44.5

45.2

.380

.361

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

Justin Ruggiano, the guy who had an 0-for-42 slump, had back-to-back three-hit games, including one game in which he did not start.

17

76

48

76.9

77.3

74.5

.614

.595

100.0%

0.0%

100.0%

0.0%

0.1%

Andrelton Simmons is an anagram for "unbelievable defense." Related: I don't know what an anagram is.

18

53

70

56.0

59.1

59.8

.463

.443

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

-0.0%

Just an idea for the baseball team, and I am not an expert at baseball, but: more runs, perhaps?

19

55

68

54.2

57.8

58.4

.458

.438

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

-0.0%

-0.0%

The Giants scored 25 total runs in their three-game series against the Marlins and 24 total runs in their nine games prior to that.

20

57

67

58.2

55.5

58.0

.461

.481

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

-0.0%

0.0%

J.P. Arencibia's on-base percentage (.248) is last in the majors among qualifiers by .019 and would be the lost OBP since Vernon Wells in 2011.

21

56

68

53.6

54.8

55.0

.442

.423

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

-0.0%

0.0%

Jedd Gyorko saw five pitches in four plate appearances. He really needs to wyork the count.

22

56

66

57.7

56.8

56.1

.464

.444

0.0%

0.1%

0.1%

-0.0%

-0.2%

Thanks again to A-Rod for deflecting attention away from the Mets existing as a ballclub at this moment.

23

58

67

60.8

61.0

58.7

.477

.457

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

-0.1%

-0.1%

They have two guys named Charlie. How can you not love this team.

24

72

51

67.5

70.0

68.4

.565

.545

98.4%

0.8%

99.1%

-0.3%

0.5%

They are running out of time to fire Don Mattingly, in my opinion.

25

60

63

58.9

59.0

59.3

.482

.462

0.0%

1.2%

1.2%

-0.6%

-2.0%

Aw man, and "Dan Haren Save" was going to be the name of my new experimental rock band.

26

72

51

66.5

68.3

69.7

.562

.542

40.2%

57.3%

97.5%

-1.1%

-1.6%

Jeff Locke's home ERA: 4.15. His road ERA: 1.81.

27

64

59

64.4

57.8

58.9

.498

.518

0.1%

4.0%

4.1%

-2.0%

-2.8%

13 of Eric Hosmer's 14 home runs this year have traveled at least 400 feet, or in Royal units of measurement, 3.23 layman's lakes.

28

73

53

73.0

72.4

71.4

.575

.595

53.7%

36.8%

90.5%

-2.4%

-3.1%

A West coast trip to multiple National League ballparks? Get ready for multiple games at first base for David Ortiz!

29

71

53

68.4

68.3

67.7

.555

.575

64.2%

24.8%

88.9%

-3.1%

0.3%

Way to outscore the Mariners 19-10 and lose the series, you weird cattle wrestlers.

30

66

58

65.1

64.1

65.0

.525

.545

1.0%

19.0%

20.1%

-5.3%

2.0%

There's a three-way lead for home runs on the team: Jason Kipnis, Ryan Raburn and a guy who they just released.