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My pursuit of Happiness

Some may already think I’m crazy…

I knew when I woke up this morning that I needed to put these thoughts out there. I know there are a lot of people…my age….younger….older….just trying to find themselves and the all encompassing “meaning of life”. Many are led by a belief in God (or whatever their religion calls its higher power). I’ve been there heart and soul. Living each day, not for the day, but as a stepping stone to what they covet most …. A peaceful, joyful eternity in heaven.

For the last few years, I’ve been seeking the answers to my own anxiety, anger and discontent. I finally gave myself permission to ask the question, “am I always going to feel this way or can I make changes in the way I view things so that I can enjoy moments for what they are”? I assumed in The beginning that I would be able to heal my mind one day and be different the next. That was an unreasonable and, quite frankly, ignorant goal.

If you read yesterday’s blog, I mentioned I was able to enter a meditative state unlike anything I’ve ever reached before during craniosacral therapy. This meditative state allowed me to find myself as a child in my home of 12 childhood years. I started with the same scenario I always use to relax myself…in the backyard, laying my sheet on the ground on top of the grass, laying down and letting the sun beat on my young skin. I have been able to see the brick trash incinerator my dad built, the oak tree in the far corner and felt like I was actually able to turn my head and see the back of our house. Yesterday, I went further….I saw more….I felt more….I went into the house and lived it, especially the kitchen. I felt Lennnie Rae and I walking up Timber Lane to the school bus stop….and so many other vivid memories…this incredible power of the mind through total relaxation and meditation. It makes me emotional…the only other time I have been able to do this was in the 70s when I smoked pot. That was one of the best parts for me being high. The surreal memories….. and showers, of course. Meditation is something I’m going to continue working on. I know there are things in my mind that I need to deal with to continue my journey in finding myself…there may be some ugliness in there, but I need to find it, deal with it and move on.

It took me awhile. I felt peaceful…kind of like I was wearing a shield. I dreamed a lot last night…one huge one that had me thinking about how I treat someone in my life…someone I don’t connect with…and I’m having gastro issues today. No idea if any of this is connected, but the power of the session makes me suspect, yes.