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Sunday, February 19, 2012

Then I realized Marilyn wasn't actually speaking to me.

“I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.” ― Marilyn Monroe

Marilyn was the Meredith Brooks of her time.... nay the Chaka Khan... no... the Body Guard Whitney!

The first time I read that quote I was in one of my "I'm Every Woman" sort of moods. "She's right! No man deserves to be part of my life if he can't handle the days when I am frustrated, pissed off, and unsure of my direction, dammit!" I thought. With that new attitude firmly in place, I set off on a path of being a complete wench to every man I met. I was itching for confrontation. "Please God send me a man to call me on my shit... just let him TRY!"

I have a few theories as to why it didn't happen. Perhaps I was already a bitch and no one noticed a change so no one felt the need to point it out. Maybe my idea of being a bitch is not as bad ass as I thought and instead of resembling a lioness I sort of looked like a kitten playing at fierceness. Then I thought maybe I just misread the directions. Marilyn didn't actually say anything about being an uber-bitch, with no direction, and acting like the world had pissed in her Cheerios. Sometimes I read into things. She wasn't even talking to me now that I think about it.

Upon further reflection, I realized that it was not about being a bitch or out of control or insecure and making someone like you regardless. It was about being myself. I can be a shrew at times. There are moments when I feel like I have no direction. Yes, I am sort of insane. I'm also a lot of other things. Some of those things are pretty damned great. Still, some are sort of boring. On a positive note, I've never met a person who wasn't a little bit of a lot of things, so I'm in good company.

Yesterday, I sat across the table from a gentleman discussing a job. What do you do? What is the environment like? What are you looking for? As he laid out bits and pieces of what the position would require I mentally ticked off the list of my own qualifications. When he mentioned a particular skill they were looking for that wasn't in my repertoire, I answered with honesty.

"I'm too old to be lying about who I am and what I am capable of. I know my strengths and I know my weaknesses. I have not done design since college and it is not my strong point. I won't pretend to be something I am not. I won't fake it til I make it, but I would work my ass off."

That my dear's is it in a nutshell... the long and short of it. In work as in relationships, it's about knowing who you are. If the job is right, I will work to exhaustion for the love of what I'm doing. If the relationship is right, I will be every woman. If you only want the personality that smiles and says nice things, you're SOL. In return I expect the guy to be every woman too. Except not a woman... Wait. What I mean is... Can I start over?

About Me

I write but not for money... that is unless you want to pay me. I specialize in snarky observations and cynical yet hopeful romanticism. I am currently writing a DIY book on how to derail your own life. I have a follow up instructional guide on how to relate to all the wrong men for women who weren't able to completely derail their lives with book one. Look for my work at Barnes and Borders.