Thursday, January 25, 2007

..... to keep up with writing every day (or other day), but it's so hard without my own computer.

I'm not doing very well on the missionary schedule, which I haven't even started yet. This morning I got up at 6:30am and got to work at 8:00am -- a whole 1/2 an hour early. It's better than getting there at 8:25am like usual (I start at 8:30am). It was nice to have a few minutes to myself before taking the phone off night ring and starting my so-called day. Alas, I have nothing to really do today as Rick (my supervisor) isn't here. He and I had a conversation yesterday regarding my lack of tasks to keep me busy. He is trying to come up with some new things so I'm not bored. I get things so quickly that he, or anyone else in the office, can't keep up with me.

So I thought -- why not enter a blog --

I am doing well with reading the Book of Mormon though, I should give myself some credit. I have been reading on the way to work and home from work on the bus ride. I have 1/2 hour in the morning and 1 - 1 1/2 hours on the way home. I'm reading about 3 chapters a day and I started in Mosiah, which I don't think I have ever read on my own. Even in Seminary and Institute, I never read on my own, I only read in class. I've never studied the Book of Mormon or any of the scriptures. So now is as good a time as any.

On to new subjects -- I am moving in April to a new home,my current roommates are both moving out because the lease is done and Rachel is getting married and Jen is graduating and moving to Berkeley. The new place is closer to work and much nicer than the place I'm in now. My room is a great sized room with my own FULL bathroom and my own heater, double closets. It has new carpets and nicely painted walls, a new kitchen, is on a QUIET street -- no more Fire trucks at 3:00am-- and with roommates my age -- YEAH!!!!!

Their names are Heather and Joy, Heather is a member and Joy is still thinking about it, she is trying to find a Christian Church to join where she feels welcome and a part of the congregation. I don't know if she has actually been to church with Heather, but maybe when I get there we can go together. Also, I think I may change wards and go with Heather to the family ward she attends. She says their are a group of single adults in her ward and that would be so nice to finally make some friends who are keepers.

I'm going to the Dentist tomorrow to get my teeth cleaned and get my filling re-done. Also going to get X-Rays to find out how much it will cost to get my wisdom teeth removed. I'm hoping they can just pull them instead of having to put me under. I might still go to see a Dentist I have in my ward, Dr. Alex Mathiessen, he is with UCLA Dental Care and he might be able to just extract them for me. We'll see what happens, I just really want them out !!!!

I thought I might recall some of my more profound comments from this blog (Andrew's Blog) which got me started on my own blog. These entries are important because I related so well to this guy. He is a singer in a favorite band of mine and he was diagnosed with Acute Lymphocytic Leukemia (Cancer) in August of 2005. I used his blog in a sense as therapy for dealing with my own mother's battle and eventual loss to Breast Cancer when I was 16 yrs. old in 1989.

Here are some of my comments . . . .

August 2, 2005 --It always amazes me how we can find out just how strong we really are when faced with such challenges. I was just listening to ‘Bruised’ and I may have a new favorite, it’s weird though, I had the blog site stream on in the background and it seemed to fit as background noise. It gave me some chills :)

I agree about the world around us being in constant circular motion, funny thing is it never stops for us to catch up. I always thought the title ‘Everything In Transit’ meant the transition our lives go through as it changes with or without our knowledge or permission. Everything sometimes seems to end up completely opposite of where we would want it until we are there, in the thick of it, and realize this is where we should have been headed all along.I know, a very long thought, 'but it’s true, for the most part'.

There are a few comments here requesting you write a book, well I agree; although, I think it should be a book of poetry. The way you put words together in a sentence is pure eloquence. There is so much said using so little words, what you say indirectly is easily conveyed.It seems you are coming around a very long bend in this road you are on and the sun is shining and sky is clearing. The warmth is enveloping you and the smiles are true. Enjoy this feeling of triumph, for it will only get stronger as your body starts to heal and once again work properly. It is true, these trials in our lives can hold us down if we let them, the trick, however, is to not. For every bad and negative experience, the lessons can be 100 fold if we embrace them and learn what we can. I know you know this; it is evident in yours words and presentation. Keep this attitude; it is what makes you strong.

Your words have inspired me greatly, more than I can convey.

December 21, 2005 --Oh, the sound of a humming dryer, it is glorious and somewhat transfixing. You can slowly go into a wonderful trance while listening to a dryer do its work. The scent of the drying clothes is quite mind numbing as well.

The holidays are my favorite and least favorite time of year. Living in Calgary, Alberta, we get extremely cold weather, so winter 'anything' is not a favorite. However, this year, it seems we may have a brown Christmas with temperatures above freezing. It’s absolutely marvelous. If I haven’t been completely clear --- I abhor cold weather, snow, ice and wind chills. I don’t know if anyone really enjoys these elements of our atmosphere, some just tolerate it better than I do.Christmas is a great excuse to spend real time with family and friends you don’t get to see very often. Not that we should need an excuse, but it’s a great one. I’m lucky this year in that I don’t have to travel very far.

Plastic trees are the best, you can have them up longer then real ones and there aren’t any needles to clean up later. Did you know they have plastic trees scented with evergreen now?? This seems crazy and cool at the same time. Mine is plastic with White lights,and Silver and clear decorations.

“Recently I overheard a mother and daughter in their last moments together at the airport. They had announced the departure. Standing near the security gate, they hugged and the mother said "I love you and I wish you enough"

The daughter replied, "Mom, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I wish you enough, too, Mom"

They kissed and the daughter left. The mother walked over to the window where I was seated. Standing there I could see she wanted and needed to cry. I tried not to intrude on her privacy but she welcomed me in by asking "Did you ever say goodbye to someone knowing it would be forever?"

"Yes, I have," I replied. "Forgive me for asking but why is this a forever goodbye?""I am old and she lives so far away. I have challenges ahead and the reality is -- the next trip back will be for my funeral" she said.

"When you were saying goodbye, I heard you say 'I wish you enough'. May I ask what that means?" She began to smile "That's a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone".

She paused a moment and looked up as if trying to remember it in detail and she smiled even more. "When we said 'I wish you enough' we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them".

Then turning toward me she shared the following as if she were reciting it from memory --"I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright. I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more. I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive. I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger. I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting. I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess. I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye." She then began to cry and walked away.

They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them, but then an entire life to forget them.

Friday, January 19, 2007

So, I guess I’m not doing very well with this writing everyday thing. I always have been bad at it.

Any way, life goes on.

Since my last entry, several things have happened. First and foremost, I moved to Los Angeles, California finally. I live in West Hollywood and work in Santa Monica, which isn’t as far as you might think seeming how they are two cities within the city of LA. I work about a half hours drive from home on a good traffic day. I work at an Architectural Consulting firm as a Project Administrator, which is really a glorified receptionist. Some days it’s great, others, not so much. (It’s weird every time I use the phrase – “not so much” I think of the show ‘Mad About You’ and Paul Riser – thought I would put that silly little tidbit in there). I’ve been there a month and I feel as if I don’t much yet and they don’t trust me with any actual responsibility. Hopefully that changes and soon; I don't what I’ll do if it doesn’t, it pays really well and it has potential if they would just utilize my skills and strengths. My fellow co-workers are pretty nice but it seems they are cautious; my position has had 4 girls in it in the past year and 3 of them were temps so they haven’t really welcomed me into the fold, so to speak.

Any way, life is good most days, I haven’t really made any lasting friendships, but I also haven’t really tired. I go to the UCLA ward in the chapel behind the LA Temple. It’s very nice living so close to the Temple and no I haven’t taken full advantage to being so close. My ward is a combination of young married and first year UCLA students. Our Bishop (Loveless) is a great man. It’s weird I don’t really fit in there, but feel completely out of place in the family ward, but I keep going. It’s not the people; it’s the spirit I’m looking for. I’ve started reading the missionary handbook – ‘Preach My Gospel’. I’m going to try living as if I were a missionary with those same standards. I realize I should already be doing this, but I haven’t, so my making a game of it. My schedule will only change slightly but the contents of said schedule will be very different. I’m going to try to get up earlier so I can say my prayers, workout out at least ½ hour and then study the handbook with the scriptures, have breakfast, then get ready for work, go to work, come home, have dinner, and then study some more before going to bed. I think if I surround myself with good works and thoughts, it will make being righteous easier – I hope. I still have a hard time with it because I’m not doing everything I can and in my power like I promised I would. Things get out of control so fast sometimes that I don't catch myself until it's almost too late and I don't want that to happen again.

I also have selfish reasons -- I want a relationship with a man, I want to get married again, in the Temple, and I feel like I won't have the opportunity unless I am being the kind of girl (woman) that worthy LDS men want. I need to be who I want. Does that make sense??