Monthly Archives: December 2013

I already picked on the dispatchers in my last parody. So, here is the as yet untitled EMS Day carol (to the tune of Jingle Bells). It needs some work in parts, so feel free to chime in in the comments.

Sliding through the snow
in a rig that’s got no breaks
there’s been no time for coffee
we’re both getting the shakes.
Dispatch is on our ass
to clear for another call.
I just wanna clean my rig of this puke and alcohol.

Restocking in the bay
the Charge Nurse stares us down.
“Get back in your rig
and drive out of my town.
All your bringing me
is crackheads, drunks, and liars.
If I see you two again
I swear I’ll slash your tires.”

[chorus]
Pager tones.
Dispatch drones,
tell us where to go.
No time to eat or drink or pee
we’ve gotta hit the road.
MVC, she tells me
the callers are all pissed.
My partner just broke out in tears
for the lunch that we just missed.

Roll up on the scene.
No patients to be found.
Just some ugly marks,
and a road sign on the ground.
Clear on the MDT.
Head off to McDee’s
Then the stupid robot sqwalks at me
“Incident Assigned!”

[chorus]
Pager tones.
dispatch drones, tell us where to go
No time to eat or drink or pee,
we’ve gotta hit the road
You call we haul
is what we tell ’em all
Not just something that we say.
It’s been fun
now I gotta run.
Hashtag my EMS Day

I’m a pretty big fan of parody music, including certain holiday parodies. From time to time my own creative juices flow. Recently I’ve cooked up a couple parody songs for my friends in public safety. Here’s the first finished one, an ode to a new dispatcher who … needs a little help.

I’m Still A Trainee At Christmas

(to the tune of “I’m Gettin’ Nuthin’ for Christmas”)

I dropped the wrong department’s tones.
Somebody snitched on me.
I disconnected all the phones.
Somebody snitched on me.
Told a caller to grow a pair,
“suck it up man life’s not fair”.
Guess I shouldn’t have gone there,
cuz somebody snitched on me.

[chorus]
I’m still a trainee at Christmas.
My supervisor is mad.
I’m still a trainee at Christmas.
She says I’m the worst one she’s had.

Sent fire to a cat in a tree.
Somebody snitched on me.
Faked warrants in NCIC.
Somebody snitched on me.
Mixed up the disposition codes.
renamed half the county roads.
remote killed the chief’s radio.
And somebody snitched on me.

[chorus]
So, I’m still a trainee at Christmas.
My supervisor is mad.
I’m still a trainee at Christmas.
She says I’m the worst one she’s had.

I won’t be seeing Bonus claus.
Somebody snitched on me.
I won’t get my days off because,
somebody snitched on me.
Next year I will get it right.
Next year they’ll cheer with delight.
Don’t tell ’em I crashed CAD tonight.
Please nobody snitch on me.

[chorus]
Cuz, I’m still a trainee at christmas.
My supervisor is mad.
I’m still a trainee at Christmas.
She says I’m the worst one she’s had.

The preceeding parody is delivered for fun and entertainment. Any resemblance to any person(s) who are now, have ever been, or ever will be engaged in the profession of public safety communications is strictly coincidental, and potentially unfortunate. No disrespect is intended either. I have the highest respect for everyone in the PS field.