This trailer for Red Tails is very important as it was produced by the famous cat thief George Lucas. However, it doesn’t seem to have any reaction shots from families of squirrels or characters swinging through the trees with monkeys, so it’s possible George just cut a check and went back to playing Hot Wheels on his racecar bed and shoving fistfuls of money into his stretchy neck pouch. Instead, Red Tails, directed by Anthony Hemingway, tells the story of the Tuskeegee Airmen, a squadron of negro pilots during WWII whose rambunctious jungle planing at first terrified the white establishment, until it eventually captivated the youth and swept the country, going on to “influence” white pilots from Elvis to John Travolta. Some people say black guys make better pilots because of the extra muscle in their throttle arm, but science has already disproven this theory.

Gosh, I wonder if the black pilots will prove everyone wrong by putting the bombers ahead of themselves! Oh sorry, I didn’t mean to ruin it for you, it’s just that I already saw this movie when it came out in 1995 starring Laurence Fishburne. Ahh, those heady, pre-monkey fufu days. This looks exactly like that, but with more explosions and aerial dog fight cinematography. …And you know what? That actually sounds awesome. Here’s what Red Tails star Terrence Howard had to say about the project.

(*beaded curtain flies open*)

“Ya see, man, what drew me to this story was that no one gave these cats a chance at first. But that didn’t stop them from writing beautiful poetry on the canvas of the sky using the ink pen of the plane, ya dig? They was true artists. They knew that life is like a windmill, man. You can charge it with a broadsword or just relax and let the wind make bread, dig? What they did was to bring unity. Not just to people, man, but to showcase the interconnectedness of the known interplanetary ensemble. You see, we all of us connected, man — you, me, planes, trees, wagon wheels, the alphabet, the old tire swing outside of the school yard, a steak knife, grandma’s bunions, a transistor radio, sadness, my cousin Ramón, the theory of Relativity, Armenian food, and my sock drawer, man. We all playing in this same band called ‘The Universe’ together, and when we find the same key, it’s like the weeping willows is actually weeping, ya dig?” (*devolves into scatting, plays himself off with bongo drum, leaves to give woman a serious talk about baby wipes*)

Once I say Cuba Gooding Jr I kept waiting for the zany talking dog… it never came… it never…cameeeee

08.01.11 at 12:21 pm

Stinky Peet

Did they mention that Roosevelt only approved this squadron because he thought after the war it would be easier just to fly them all back to Africa?

08.01.11 at 12:22 pm

ChinoMoreno

Red Tails sounds more like a Montana Fishburne flick.

08.01.11 at 12:27 pm

ChinoMoreno

Less Top Gun, more Sideways Gun.

08.01.11 at 12:29 pm

Dean Machine

But if all of the fighter pilots are black, how will we ever know who shot first?

08.01.11 at 12:31 pm

Erswi

Banner Pic: Black airmen fly like . . . the f*ck is that smell? Uggghhhh! Smells like Tecate and dysentary. Did somebody let a GD Messican in this squadron or what?

08.01.11 at 12:31 pm

Dean Machine

Fighter planes? Black guys? ‘Splosions? How did Michael Bay not make this movie?

08.01.11 at 12:32 pm

dickimaa

Later all the pilots unfortunately got syphilis. No, I’m not messing up my Tuskeegees, that’s just true for most WWII soldiers. Especially since the 40’s era black man can’t keep it in his flight suit.

08.01.11 at 12:45 pm

Oski

Cuba Gooding Jr was in the HBO movie.

08.01.11 at 12:55 pm

ChinoMoreno

These guys will get you bombed with 40’s of Olde E.

08.01.11 at 1:02 pm

Dingus

The Tuskeegee Airmen originally went by the name “The Token Squadron” and sat back from the action, occasionally making comments like “shit” and “damn” over the radio whenever a white pilot would shoot someone down. Their motto was; “last ones in, first to die”.

08.01.11 at 1:05 pm

Moose

They’ll need to do multiple flyby shootings to destroy the Def Star.

08.01.11 at 1:15 pm

Fek'lhr

*incoming transmission*

Qaplah, yIntaghs, and welcome to a “Yo MTV Faps” edition of The Mighty Feklahr’s intergalactic tomfoolery! This week, fresh off the set of what He likes to call “Top Gun 2: Red Tizzails”, we have none other that LaMaveriquetonshay, Cool Chill Fly Bro, and Grey Goose! Wa’qa wa’qa wa’qa!

*signal mysteriously jammed before “Since the days of chucking spears from the back of pterodactyls…”, The Mighty Feklahr suspects Uproxx/white guilt/Lince*

08.01.11 at 1:17 pm

ChinoMoreno

Their cockpits are larger than average.

08.01.11 at 1:19 pm

Fek'lhr

Chino-black pilots are always safe because they never go down!

08.01.11 at 1:26 pm

ChinoMoreno

It’s true!!

08.01.11 at 1:29 pm

Morton Salt

Black pilots’ preferred evasive maneuver is the tootsie roll.

08.01.11 at 1:35 pm

Willy S

Tuskeegee Airman, please.

08.01.11 at 1:42 pm

Moose

Taxiing planes never stop for black pilots.

08.01.11 at 1:58 pm

ChinoMoreno

Their mission is accomplished when they deliver Dorothy to the Wicked Witch.

08.01.11 at 3:31 pm

Willy S

Pixar presents ‘Uppity.’

08.02.11 at 10:13 am

sillysmile

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