Charlie Mackenzie quotes

Woman... woe-man... whoooa-man. She was a thief, you got to belief, she stole my heart and my cat. Judy, Betty, Josie and those hot Pussycats... they make me horny, on Saturday morny... girls of cartoo-ins will leave me in ruins... I want to to be Betty's Barney. Hey Jane... get me off this crazy thing... called love.

Harriet! Harry-it, hard-hearted harbinger of haggis... Beautiful, bemuse-ed, bellicose butcher. Un-trust... ing. Un-know... ing. Un-love... ed? He wants you back, he screams into the night air like a fireman going to a window that has no fire... except the passion of his heart. I am lonely! It's really hard! This poem... sucks.

Stuart Mackenzie: Well, it's a well known fact, Sonny Jim, that there's a secret society of the five wealthiest people in the world, known as the Pentavirate, who run everything in the world, including the newspapers, and meet tri-annually at a secret country mansion in Colorado, known as The Meadows.Tony Giardino: So who's in this Pentavirate?Stuart Mackenzie: The Queen, the Vatican, the Gettys, the Rothschilds, and Colonel Sanders before he went tets-up. Oh, I hated the Colonel with is wee beady eyes! And that smug look on his face, "Oh, you're gonna buy my chicken! Ohhhhh!"Charlie Mackenzie: Dad, how can you hate the Colonel?Stuart Mackenzie: Because he puts an addictive chemical in his chicken that makes ya crave it fortnightly, smartarse!Charlie Mackenzie: Coo-coo.

Charlie Mackenzie: So Tony, what's the deal with your clothes?Tony Giardino: What do ya mean?Charlie Mackenzie: I mean you look like Huggy Bear from Starsky and Hutch.Tony Giardino: What are ya talking about, I look hip!Charlie Mackenzie: No no no no no no no, you look like an undercover cop TRYING to look hip.Tony Giardino: I AM an undercover cop trying to look hip.

Tony Giardino: Everytime you meet a nice girl you can get close to, you always break up with them for paranoid reasons.Charlie Mackenzie: That's not true. I broke up with those girls for very good reasons.Tony Giardino: Oh really?Charlie Mackenzie: Yes.Tony Giardino: Oh really? What about Jill?Charlie Mackenzie: She was in the mafia.

John Johnson: Hello everyone, I am a park ranger and I will be leading you on the tour. All of the park rangers were, at one time, guards, myself included. My name is John Johnson but everyone here calls me "Vicky".Tony Giardino: I love Vicky.Charlie Mackenzie: Yeah, Vicky's the best.

Harriet Michaels: Charlie, have you ever stood at the edge of a cliff or a subway platform with someone and you thought just for a split second "What if I pushed him?"Charlie Mackenzie: Well, not really. Usually I follow the Judeo-Christian ethic of "Thou shalt not kill" but that's just me.

Frank/Obituary writer: Here's another one here, Native San Franciscan, plumber, Elliot, Ralph. Moved to Dallas, dissappeared four months ago. Body was found in a sewer.Newspaper reporter: Well, guy takes his job too seriously, life goes down the drain. Haha.Charlie Mackenzie: Did they mention anything about his wife?Newspaper reporter: Alright, okay. Look, I know that we're talking about real people so I'm sorry.Charlie Mackenzie: No, no. I'm serious, did they mention the wife?Newspaper reporter: No, look, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make a joke about other people's lives.Charlie Mackenzie: No, no. I'm really serious. Did they mention the wife? I just want to know about the wife.Newspaper reporter: Hey, hey! You win, you win, okay? I'm a bad person!Frank/Obituary writer: Hey, c'mon take it easy, will ya?Newspaper reporter: No, he's saying I'm a bad person and that I'm insensitive. He's saying I'm a shit.Frank/Obituary writer: He's not saying you're a shit!Charlie Mackenzie: Did they-did they mention the wife?!Newspaper reporter: No! No! They didn't mention the wife! Ya happy?! Yeah! Oh hoo, yes, yes. I'm insensitive! I'm a very insensitive man! Stop your job, look at the insensitive man! That's what they're paying you for!Frank/Obituary writer: [to Charlie] He was my ride home.