Sunday, March 7, 2010

Another Stolen Meme

I like stealing memes from My2Cents, who steals them from others gleefully.

What If meme…

1. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?I couldn't limit myself to one person.

2. You can flip a switch that will wipe any band or musical artist out of existence. Which one will it be?Pat Boone

3. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?Jon Stewart

4. What is your favorite cheese?White stilton

5. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your immediate disposal. What kind will you make?Turkey, cranberry, and arugula on mulitgrain bread

6. You have the opportunity to sleep with the movie celebrity of your choice. We are talking no-strings-attached sex and it can only happen once. Who is the lucky celebrity of your choice?Dennis Quaid

7. You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who do you pick?Trent Reznor

8. Now that you’ve slept with two different people in a row, you seem to be having an excellent day because you just came across a hundred-dollar bill on the sidewalk. Holy shit, a hundred bucks! How are you gonna spend it?A fresh supply of caffeine. I will have worn myself out fucking them.

9. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?Berlin

10. Upon arrival to the aforementioned location, you get off the plane and discover another hundred-dollar bill. Shit! Now that you are in the new location, what are you gonna do?Wonder why I found a $100 bill in Berlin

11. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. It is…?Already working if I think I'm seeing an angel.

12. Rufus appears out of nowhere with a time-traveling phone booth. You can go anytime in the PAST. What time are you traveling to and what are you going to do when you get there?NYC a week ago to do a lottery ticket with the winning numbers.

13. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?Religion is banned.

14. You have been given the opportunity to create the half-hour TV show of your own design. What is it called and what’s the premise?Fire Donald Trump! This would be an unreality show where somebody gets to fire that POS.

15.What is your favorite curse word?Cheney!

16.One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?Promise myself to never hook up on Craigslist again.

17. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the item?My nunzilla!

18. The Angel of Death has descended upon you. Fortunately, the Angel of Death is pretty cool and in a good mood, and it offers you a half-hour to do whatever you want before you bite it. Whatcha gonna do in that half-hour?Kill the angel of death. Duh.

19. You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What’s it gonna be?Transforming air into $100 bills.

20. You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?Fucking the hell out of this 6'5" hairy muscleman.

21.You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?The day I found out that most people were heterosexual.

22. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world! Bitchin’! What country are you going to live in now?Canada. It will be easier to spend my US $100 bills there.

23. This question still counts, even for those of you who are under age. Check it out. You have been eternally banned from every single bar in the world except for ONE. Which one is it gonna be?Whatever the Dugout is called these days.

24. Hopefully you didn’t mention this in the super-powers question…. If you did, then we’ll just expand on that. Check it out… Suddenly, you have gained the ability to FLOAT!!! Whose house are you going to float to first, and be like “Dude, check it out…I can FLOAT!”?Sarah Palin's. I want her to be able to see me from her house.

25. The constant absorption of magical moonbeams mixed with the radioactive vegetables you consumed earlier has given you the ability to resurrect the dead famous-person of your choice. So which celebrity will you bring back to life?Charles Nelson Reilly

26. The Celestial Gates of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person, etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?My grandfather on my mother's side.