Episode One:The Voice of Magnolia

Andrew swiveled in his chair. To an outside observer he looked to be grinning at a spot on the wall, just below where a framed portrait of Charlie Chaplin hung. But you know better. You know that Andrew is smiling at you, through the vast, unknowable tundra that is the internet. He doesn't know how you found yourself here, or why you are continuing to read about him sitting at his desk, but he's glad you are. I

"Good morning," he says to you. "My name is Andrew, but if you read the title at the top of the page you already know that. I speak for the town of Magnolia. I'm not the mayor, or some kind of dignitary, quite the opposite. I'm just a guy with a Powerful voice. T

"I want to tell you a story which, I suppose, is going to be many, many stories." Andrew cleared his throat, took a sip of dark red wine, and began his first story. S

"In the beginning, all was dark, and void. Then, God separated the lights from the darks, and declared 'Let the laundry be done,' and thus was the Earth, and my dear city of Magnolia, created. After that, nothing significant happened for billions of years. Nothing. Things like the forging of the world in fire, or the emergence of life, and all the wonders of evolution" He trailed off, seeming to forget where he was for one blissful moment. ". . . All of those things were all pretty on-par, so far as creations go. _

"So, billions of years pass. Fish swam. Animals prowled. Humans started existing. Something about Rome. And after all that, something important happens. It had to eventually, right? Well, in what was then just a small town by a river, a scientist working for Gaye Pharmaceuticals created a drug that greatly alleviated the symptoms of morning sickness. Seemingly overnight, the small town of Magnolia transformed into a bustling small metropolis, thanks to the money that Amplofrex brought into the local economy. Little did he know that he'd changed the course of the human race forever." I

Andrew paused his narration to smile out again at the internet, and you, waiting for some kind of reaction to his story. Even if you say "Uh-huh," just to let him know you're listening, that would be great. ... Thanks. N

"Just over twenty one years later," Andrew continued, "the first child born whose mother had used Amplofrex found that he'd developed a skill. A thriving young man, Donald "Big D" Carson found out on his twenty first birthday that he could telepathically communicate with his neighbor's dog. T

"Fifi hated Big D, and once she learned of their psychic link, she spent every waking moment of her life telling him time and time again that she hated him, and that his asshole smelled of cauliflower. Which, I suppose to a dog, is a horrifying insult. E

"On January 14, 1988," Andrew paused to take a long sip from his wine glass, "Donald Carson took his own life, but the growing community never forgot him. In March of 1989, Mayor Natalie Parslow commissioned a bronze statue of him that was erected in the Big D Memorial Dog Park. Nobody seemed to realize the irony of the situation until later. N

"By that time, it had become obvious that Donald was not the only one with strange skills. Young Mary-Beth Adams, who had won every spelling bee she'd participated in, found on her twenty first birthday that she could alphabetize everything, without having to sing the ABC song in her head to double-check that she was doing it right. Jordon Tyler could throw a football in such a way as it ignored quaint things like gravity and wind resistance. And who could forget Aimee Lancaster, who moved out of Magnolia to pursue a modeling career, who can eat as much as she wants without gaining an ounce. I hear she's doing quite well for herself these days. T

"That's right, the citizens of my beloved Magnolia had started developing superpowers. I

"Powers, anyway. O

". . . They could just, you know, do things... and stuff. " N

After taking a moment to regain some kind of composure, Andrew having ceased in his oration, bowed in his chair as if he fully expected applause. He knows that there is no applause to be had, because he is the one narrating. That's right, he just really enjoys speaking in the third person, and there is nothing wrong with that. A

"Oh, and one more thing," Andrew said, just before you were able to close the browser window you're reading this in. "If you'd be so kind, swing by my office about this time next week. There's a story in it for you if you do." L