Is it an Anand Karaj? Is it a Punjabi Wedding? Is it an Indian
Wedding? Is it all of the above?

Is it spending ridiculous amounts of money?

In 2014, Fortune published this: "The average American wedding costs $29,000 and has 140
guests, according to TheKnot.com. The average cost of an Indian wedding in the
U.S. is $65,000 with 500 guests." I think they were mistaken because
further down in that same article I read this. . . .

". . . a wedding
planner who does high-end events, pegs the average cost at $200,000. A typical
Indian wedding has at least four events and requires 15 to 20 vendors. By
comparison, an average American wedding normally consists of a ceremony and reception
requiring four to seven vendors."

And one year later. . . .

in 2015, the Washington Post published this: "The average cost
of an Indian wedding in the United States is expected to hit $250,000 this
year, roughly 10 times the national average, according to Indian Weddings
Magazine, a San Francisco-based publication."

I believe it.

Every
year we come up with more and more ideas to make our weddings fancier, and flashier (is that a word?), and more extravagant!

While growing up, on one of my many visits to India, I remember being at a
street market in Mumbai and all of a sudden an elephant randomly
walked down the road. Yes, randomly! There was no event or anything. And every
one acted completely normal while here I was taking pictures because this
was the most amazing thing I had ever seen in my life. I get it. In India,
they have elephants, horses, cows, and all sorts of animals walking around
the streets galore. So to hop on one at the time of a wedding is not a big deal
over there. But here in America, we spend $13,000 to hire an elephant. Why? We
don't have elephants walking down our streets!

I kind of get it. An elephant is a symbol of power and royalty.
I'm pretty sure that all of the kings and queens in India back in the day rode
elephants. Especially on their wedding day.

But, what disturbs me is this: A wedding is no longer just a
wedding. For many people, a wedding is a means and a way for a family to show off their
wealth to the community. The intention of the wedding loses its original
purpose. It
is no longer about the commitment that the couple want to make to each other and their Guru. It is
about practicing their first dance at the reception for weeks and
months but then getting up at Gurudwara and going the wrong way when circling
the Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji. It is about abandoning their hometown and the Gurudwara they grew up in, in order to get married in some far off location like the Bahamas. It is about hiring makeup artists from another country and flying them in on business class. It is about inviting hundreds
of people that they don't even know or talk to or like and feeding
them until their buttons pop. Ironic isn't it? Especially since our roots
come from one of the most impoverished countries in the world.

Look, if you have the money, go for it. It is the most
important day of your life and you want it to be beautiful. I understand. I am not trying to be your financial analyst. I just spent over $1k on a phone! But, wouldn't that money be better spent on something else? Like, a house? A car? A traveling honeymoon around the world? An investment? A savings bond? For yourselves and possibly your future kids? Or how about some adequate health insurance (depending on who our current president is)?! A charity? An impoverished country with starving children and farmer suicides? An organization? A website? Like Sikhnet for example. ;) If you do not have the money and if you are taking out loans, putting your house up on a second
mortgage, maxing out credit cards, borrowing money, or making demands to your
in-laws because of the pressure to put on a grand event, something is seriously
wrong there.

Your friends and family should give you blessings no matter
how big or how small the event is. And you know what? Even if they are not
invited, they should STILL give you blessings. I know that might sound a little
crazy but just hear me out. . . .

Many years ago, a distant friend of mine was getting married. I
say distant for a reason because we knew each other but we really didn't talk that much. Now, she was getting married and she didn't
feel like inviting 500 or a 1000 people. Which is okay!!! I wasn't invited
and I wasn't offended because I was not close to her. However, another distant
friend didn't get an invitation either. This other distant friend called me up
and literally started cursing the bride. She was absolutely furious. But then, about a
week or two later, this same girl got an invitation in the mail. She happily went to
the bride's wedding but then criticized everything about it.

So now it's my turn to curse. What the F*&%^$!!!!???????

Weddings are hard to plan! A million things could go wrong and a
million things DO go wrong. But at the end of the day, if the bride and
groom successfully got married, what is the big deal? Marriages are
how communities come together and grow, yet we are making that growth
harder on ourselves.

Another time, another friend of mine was getting married and while
planning everything, the groom's father told the bride's father something along these lines: "The wedding must take place in my town because I know the
entire community so there will be approximately 500 people and you will need to
take care of that bill." I am about to start cursing again but I'll bite
my tongue. Luckily, the bride's father put his foot down and the wedding took
place in the bride's town. Again, the groom's father was very concerned about
the show of it all and his image in the community and he wanted to push his agenda on the bride's father financially, which in my opinion, is
disgusting.

I understand wanting to invite all of your close friends and
family. But does every single member of the community HAVE to come?
If I came to your house for a kirtan a few years ago and we are now
facebook friends, do you HAVE to invite me? NO! If I said hi to you 10
years ago in the parking lot of the Gurudwara, do you HAVE to invite me? NO! It's not a big deal. And upon hearing the
news of your marriage, you deserve a blessing and well wishes from
me. No matter what.

You should not have to spend 6 or 7 digits to get blessings.

Ohmygosh. One more example. (Yes, I have been to a lot of
weddings! Although that will probably decrease dramatically after this blog, but that's okay. LOL!) This particular friend of mine actually did invite the whole
community. The Gurudwara was packed. When I say packed, I mean there was
literally no where to move. When I say packed, I mean when we did the Ardas, I
almost fainted because there were so many people and it got so hot. I
literally had to leave the divan hall and go outside otherwise I for sure
would have fainted (But I am claustrophobic, so my bad). I missed the best part. A lot of people did.
They all just couldn't fit!!!

Again, I understand. It's your money to do what you want. It's
your occasion to do what you want. If you want to spend millions on
your wedding, do it. But my request is to please, please, please. . . . .

Do not forget the Guru.

Do not forget the original intention of getting married.
Do not forget to ask the Guru for guidance on this new journey.
Nowadays people spend so much money on their wedding day only to spend
twice or three times that amount on a divorce years later. Why? They lost focus. That's why.

I think we have to ask ourselves this: Why are we getting married?
Is it to please others and put on this great show for our families and our
friends and our community? Or is it to take that step of commitment to spend the
rest of our lives with the person that we love?

In my opinion, a Sikh wedding is a commitment
of marriage between a man and a woman AND a commitment for that man and
woman to take to their Guru. Why else are we circling the Sri Guru Granth Sahib
Ji 4 times? Everything else is just extra. There is nothing wrong with all of
the extra. But gosh, we focus so very much on the extra yet it is certainly not the
extra that will make a marriage last. There is one thing however that will make a marriage last. . . . .

I struggled because deep down I
knew the answer. I just didn’t know how to process it. And worse, I didn’t know
how to explain it. But then, very recently, while at work, something clicked
and it all came together.

For all of my readers who
aren’t Sikh or Punjabi or Indian, a quick recap: an Anand Karaj is the Sikh
marriage/wedding ceremony. It is when the bride and groom circle the Sri Guru
Granth Sahib Ji (our holy scripture) 4 times while Gurbani is recited. It is
very, very, very, meaningful and emotional for us. In our eyes, it is when two
souls become one.

But before I dive into it, I’d
like to give you all some Insurance 101. Why you ask? What does insu…

I grew up in a family of mixed faiths and mixed religions so naturally I grew up celebrating multiple holidays at multiple places of worship. As a kid, I would question why we do certain things but I always got vague answers and so my visions of understanding always had stopping points. One of these limited understanding holidays was and is Diwali. I was told that it was the festival of lights! A holiday to celebrate the triumph of good vs. evil! Yeah!!! Let me get my candles and incense and let's light everything up and eat tons of sweets!!!

Fast forward a few years. Oh wait, I'm a Sikh not a Hindu so I shouldn't celebrate Diwali.

*Blows out Candle*
Oh wait, Guru Hargobind Sahib the sixth Sikh Guru was released from prison on Diwali day in 1619? AND he released 52 princes along with him??? And this is called Bandi Chhor Divas?Whaaatttttt????!!!
*Lights up candle again*
Now I can light up candles at Gurudwara!? I'm such a good Sikh! Pass me those laddoos, will ya?
T…

Judgement: the ability to make considered decisions or come to sensible conclusions

Sensible Conclusions. Hmmmmmmm Do we make sensible conclusions? Do we make conclusions? First of all, do we make sense???

I know that I am like this and I think other people are like this as well. When we meet a person for the very first time, within a matter of seconds we are able to pick up on a person's energy. We have a sense of whether this person has positive energy or negative energy. We have a sense of whether we want to open up to this person and/or if we ever want to see this person again.

However, we can sometimes be surprised. A person that seems to be narrow minded may actually be open minded and vise versa. And maybe that is because we didn't actually judge them on their energy. We judged them based on their profession or their attire or their accent or other worldly fa…