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Due to a problem with his account Dan cannot post himself. He has asked me to post it for him.I think Dan will benefit from the healing power from Montreal just the way I did in Toronto. PLease take this in consideration. Please welcome him and be kind.I have no doubt Dan will return as a changed person.Feeling the hugs life is a very powerfull tool.

Thank you all.

Hermie

Dan's message =

To All Forum Members:

This is not an attempt to start any drama or cause any problems. Herman and I have been in contact with one another over the last few days. He still wants me to come to Montreal. He paid for the airline ticket and it isn't transferable or redeemable. If I don't use the ticket 700.00 would have been thrown away for nothing. I have reluctantly decided to attend at his insistence. I will be staying with Herman & Rich during my stay in Montreal.

Some of you may have reservations about me being there, and believe me I understand why you would. If there is ANYONE that has a problem with my presence there say so & I will save you and me the frustration and stay home.

I have my first appointment with my new therapist on Aug 16th. Things are not easy for me now. I am going through many , many changes in my life. Steve is out of the picture. I am trying to get on with my life and the aftermath of that toxic relationship. I'm not blaming Steve for any of my problems. He has his own demons to deal with & it is best I not be involved in his "crap."

I won't be posting much anymore, but I do read threads. Mostly on treatment news etc.

I am so sorry for all the drama I caused. Thank you to everyone that got involved.

Sincerely,

Dan J.

Logged

Diagnosed in 1987 and still kickingViread, Kivexa (Epzicom),Viramune once daily

I know for a fact that any airline reservation can be transformed into a credit, good for air travel anywhere in the world, with only a fifty dollar forfeit.

That airline travel is good for anywhere the airline travels, and is in the name of the person travelling.

As far as any single person attending or not, all I can say is that I shall not be party to any activity or drama that will impact my ability to participate in aidsmeds.com. If that means ignoring certain persons in Montreal, so be it. I am going to montreal for my own reasons. And I shall embrace the people I consider friends.

I am not going there for any crazy, and will NOT participate in craziness there. My life is too precious to waste it on drama, or on people who wish to perpetuate drama. Montreal offers too much for me to waste a second of my time on that.

While personally I think Dan is making an unfortunate choice, it is his to make. I sincerely hope that the more gracious people from aidsmeds give him the welcome and hospitality that each of us deserves.

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"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

It's important that Dan be allowed to start the process of overcoming the turmoil he caused in the forums. This is not a country club, where unconditional acceptance should be extended only after an approved application. None of us are perfect. Very few people in the forums can say with a straight face that they have not been a party to, or even the cause of, "drama." If a "drama" free application was necessary for attendance in Montreal, then it would make for a very lonely event.

Forgiving someone doesn't mean you condone what has happened or that you make light of the pain it has caused. Forgiveness is about letting go of the anger and the resentment. It's about finding closure and moving on.

Nothing is gained by continuing to perpetuate the "drama." Much is gained by letting, (helping even), Dan reach his potential.

I just know that with every piece of drama that unfolds amongst us "supposedly mature" adults here. My interest wanes. Everybody says it will be a life changing experience for me....blah, blah, blah. From what I am seeing, I have already HAD this kind of life changing experience with my ex-wife.

I don't know about anyone else, but all I can say is that I will NOT allow any of the drama to spoil my time in Montreal. It's time to move on... I'm dropping this shit for good because it's beginning to leave a bad taste in my mouth. I am going to Montreal with an open mind & heart... I hope everyone else can do the same. Let's bury this shit for good. And God help me, if anyone starts any crap in Montreal other than to mend fences, I won't hold back what I really want to say. But for the moment, I'm letting it go. Please do not test me and force me to say things that will hurt. I don't want to go there, I really don't. Thank you!

Logged

"People grow through experience if they meet life honestly and courageously. This is how character is buit." Eleanor Roosevelt

Personally I will behave the same with Dan as with everyone else. If he decides to come then don't exclude him from the group as there's nothing worst than being excluded, and he certainly doesn't need that. All the participants will be in a good mood next week and let's keep it that way. If drama occurs ( no matter from whom it'll be coming from ) then I'll just stay away from it, and the person who caused it will have to live with the consequences.

When the situation began to unravel, Dan sent me a PM requesting that we delete his "Oscar" account. As is AIDSmeds.com policy, we do not delete accounts, as it subsequently deletes all messages authored by that person, rendering many threads nonsensical. If I failed to delete his account, he said that he would personally edit out all of the text in every message he posted to the Forums. We were not about to let this happen, for the same reason we don't delete accounts, requiring us to "partially" ban (but not delete) his account, meaning that he was still permitted to view the Forums as a guest.

Soon thereafter, Dan created a second account "Dan J." Normally, we don't allow members to create a second account, especially after a ban has been put into place. But we wanted Dan to be able to participate in the Forums -- without being able to alter his messages posted as "Oscar" -- and decided to let the second account stand. However, Dan re-registered with a phoney e-mail account... and because we require a valid e-mail address to activate an account, he was unable to post as "Dan J" in the Forums.

Dan -- I have activated your "Dan J" account. You should now be able to read, post -- and edit -- messages as "Dan J" in the Forums. I'd like to request that you update your e-mail address in your profile... but feel free to keep your e-mail address hidden from other members of the Forums if you'd prefer.

Dan J.

If that is the way you feel about me being in Montreal then I will just stay home. Herman, thank you for the plane ticket & offer to stay in your room. I hope that Jonathon is correct and you can either get a credit for the plane ticket or whatever it is the will airline do.

How sad that many of you see Dan's life as merely drama, when in fact IT IS HIS LIFE. I understand the anger and frustration at some of his actions, but he has come back, done what we asked and again he is rebuffed. I can't imagine where I would be in life, if those who were close to me just shut me out every time I have a problem.

I'd hope that all the drama could just stay in these posts and that we all go to Montreal with a clean slate. This is not about who did what, or how anyone should react, it's about one of the core values of this community and that is support.

We told Dan that we would be there for him, if he came to Montreal and that is just what I intend to do.

Some of you have no concept (fortunately) of how difficult what Dan did can be to someone suffering from mental illness. It's all part of the healing process and if we discard him now, he may never recover. That is not to say that we are responsible for his recovery, but he remains part of this family.

I refuse to turn my back on him and I would hope that others will do the same.

From what I am reading here, more people are okay with you going than not. I think that if you ARE going to attend, you need to change that defensive posture of yours. Nobody else is to blame here. Pros or Cons.

DAN I APPLAUD YOUR DECISION TO GO TO MONTREAL !!!Please do yourself a pleasure, go, you deserve it.

The posts of REBUFF contain too many 'I's AND 'MY'SO DEAR DAN join the crowd, SAY : I WANT TO GO and it's MY RIGHT TO GO.

The word DRAMA is used so often ; NOW WHAT HAPPENED TO WORDS LIKE LOVING AND CARING

For those of you who have no words of encouragement to contribute to Dan,MAY i kindly ask you to take your fingers off your keyboards, take a step back !!AND meditate on words like Child modest, Low self esteem, Self hate, Bi-polar !!These are demons that Dan have to face daily !!

I'd hope that all the drama could just stay in these posts and that we all go to Montreal with a clean slate.

Joe..this is basically what I meant when I wrote '' Personally I will behave the same with Dan as with everyone else. ''.

Dan,do you really want to do this trip ? If the answer is YES then go for it and don't look back. I can't imagine you won't be welcomed by most people attending, if not all. Really Dan,you don't have anything to loose and a lot to gain.

Dan I have thought about this all day and have come to a decesion that if you want to attend that's fine with me. I can recall last November that me and Lis had a disagreement but when we finally got the chance to meet face to face we had a great time. It is like meeting a person for the first time just getting through the door is the hard part but once you make it through you willl feel like one of us. We all welcome you with open arms and will be honored if you attend with us in Montreal.

We love you and want you too be apart of this family.

We all are HIV+ and we all have had our bad days and understand what you are going through!

Her finely-touched spirit had still its fine issues, though they were not widely visible. Her full nature, like that river of which Cyrus broke the strength, spent itself in channels which had no great name on the earth. But the effect of her being on those around her was incalculably diffusive: for the growing good of the world is partly dependent on unhistoric acts; and that things are not so ill with you and me as they might have been, is half owing to the number who lived faithfully a hidden life, and rest in unvisited tombs.

Just to clarify my previous post in this thread... and in response to Joe's post --

My reference to "drama" was in response to Dan's letter to all of us. He mentions the word "drama" in his very first sentence, as well as in his next to last sentence. That is my only reason for referring to this as drama, because he did so. Personally, I want to leave the drama behind... I'm not leaving Dan behind. If Dan wants to go to Montreal, that is his decision to make. And I will welcome him, but not the drama -- it's best left in these forums, and that is my intention.

And perhaps my PMS is getting the best of me today.

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"People grow through experience if they meet life honestly and courageously. This is how character is buit." Eleanor Roosevelt

You call the office tomorrow and you tell them you need to reschedule the appointment for a day either just before you leave for Montreal or for a day just after you return from Montreal. Simple as that, Mr. J.

Not to guilt trip you, but $700 is a lot of money. That shows the level of commitment from Herman. It was a nice gesture and it would be a shame for you to let that money go to waste. Sure you can use that ticket for something else, but that's not why Herman dug deep into his pockets.

Call the doctor's office tomorrow and reschedule. If you want to come, you will be there.

Yes yes call the doctor's office and reschedule, tell them you already have a more important appointment. And if they really want to know with whom, tell them it's with GOD. The first lesson i learned here on the Aidsmeds is that a doctor must work for you and with you.

Just fix your mind on AMG, let everything wait in line, and if anyone do otherwise just ask them which part of that phrase they don't understand so you explain them better or draw them a picture.

No "things" are not OK. Of course , things are not OK , you came here looking for approval , you not getting any, AND YOU WILL GET NONE, the only approval you need is from yourself. We don't live in a perfect world .GO TO MONTREAL, THERE WILL BE PEOPLE WHO WILL SHOW YOU , YOU CAN LIVE IN A ALMOST PERFECT WORLD, if you let them !!

You said you couldn't make Montreal because your ID Doctors appointment was on the 22nd..now you are saying you have re-scheduled for the 22nd...please check to make sure you have the right date or you may miss out on your appointment.

I must have mis-read it...didn't want him to miss out on his appointment.

5 more sleeps and I'm on that plane...

Like everyone else here I have spent the best part of a year planning this trip and it has cost me a lot of money..and I fully intend to enjoy every $ I have spent on it...not to mention the fact it's taking me 20+ hours to get there...can't wait to see everyone.

Make the trip up north. We want you there with us. You need to be with us and see the mass of t-shirts that you and John put together. Please let me know your arrival and departure times so we can greet you.

I hear she's coming by Tug Boat, two seaplanes, a jet and 3 taxi's..........think of all the travel arrangements she had to make. OMG! I love you Jan........can't wait to give you a big French Kissy. You may have to help me with the boys....You know how them boys are......? Wonder what color Danny's hair will be?

Have fun in Montreal. And forget all what happened in the past. Looking at the past is sometimes good, but looking to the future means living with no fear. Because everything comes to an end, after a sad day, a happy one begins.

Dan J.

You said you couldn't make Montreal because your ID Doctors appointment was on the 22nd..now you are saying you have re-scheduled for the 22nd...please check to make sure you have the right date or you may miss out on your appointment.

Jan

I meant that I will resecdule the 22nd appointment & that I would be arriving in Montrreal on the 17th. Sorry