I found your "sight" quite by accident.
The reading has been very interesting to say the least. I must
say, first of all, that it is very regrettable that you must
expend so much time and energy responding to the ignorant views
presented by Christians/Messianics who e-mail you and who, it
seems, wish to use your "sight" as a forum for presenting
their trash. If these people would just do some historical research,
and learn exactly what Mashiach really is, they would see that
Jesus just did not fit the bill...nor for that matter did Sabbetai
Zevi. And even if Jesus had really been Mashiach, that would
not make him "Son of G-d", or G-d Incarnate, or anything
of the sort. The whole basis of Christianity is a sham in this
respect. I recognized this fact many years ago. I should note
at this point, that I was born to nominally Christian Protestant
parents. I became disillusioned with what I recognized as a tremendous
falsehood, at a very early age. Consequently, I studied about
Judaism and earnestly sought gerut (conversion) over the course
of several years. It wasn't until my late 20's that I completed
a conversion process under the auspices of the Conservative movement.
I was bothered almost immediately by the knowledge that such
a conversion would not be considered kosher throughout all of
Klal Yisrael, and so I approached a strict Orthodox rabbi here
in Denver regarding gerut. I knew what I was asking for, after
years of study. I spent two full years associated with the aforementioned
rabbi's shul, studying for kosher gerut. The one great stumbling
block--so it seemed to me at the time--was that I was married
to a non-Jewish woman, who would also need to convert, if I was
to proceed. I tried to be as observant as I possibly could, shomer
Shabbat, keeping kosher, observingtaharat hamishpachah. The only
problem was, that I always fell short, and suffered tremendously
as a result--always guilty, always felt that I was too weak to
really be observant. I grew progressively more miserable. In
addition, the joy that I had once felt in Yiddishkeit had been
eclipsed by my obsessive preoccupation with the minutiae of observance.
Ultimately, I had a kind of emotional breakdown, which was accompanied
by the collapse of my marriage. My divorce would have afforded
me the prime opportunity to continue with gerut, but instead,
I disassociated myself from the Jewish community. That would
seem to me the surest "sign" that I was not meant to
become a Jew. Several years have passed since all this, and while
I still have strong feelings about Yiddishkeit, and a great love
of Torah and Klal Yisrael, I realize that from a practical standpoint,
I could never be totally observant--I have a job that requires
me to work most Saturdays, and kosher food is prohibitively expensive--though
I do have strong leanings toward vegetarianism at this point
in my life. In addition, I have remarried...a non-Jewish woman,
who is a very kind and loving individual. So while I wholeheartedly
accept the binding aspect of Mitzvot, the practical aspect of
that eludes me. And in truth, a Jew is such by virtue of practice.
I hope that you may refer to this letter any time someone approaches
you regarding conversion. From someone who knows, it is very
difficult, and would require such a great change in lifestyle--as
much as, if not more so than in belief. I have such great love
and respect for all of Klal Yisrael, but I do really believe
that non-Orthodox gerut does a real disservice to not only the
Jewish People, but to the ger as well. A hundred years ago, non-Othodox
conversion would not even have been an option--there was only
one way, the kosher way--as indeed there still is only one true
way of gerut. I now accept myself as a goy, but one who has a
special affinity for the Jewish People. I continue on my spiritual
quest, but finally feel at peace and whole. May G-d bless you
always.

With warmest regards,

Ken S.

Shalom Ken,

As I understand this situation
you were a Southern Baptist, your wife was Viet Namese and your
children were somewhere in between. This is a most difficult
situation. It is more difficult than our readership will comprehend.

First, your conversion was
actually Traditional. It was not performed by the senior rabbi
of that particular congregation which then was Traditional but
now is Conservative. Actually I know of rabbium who accept the
conversions of the rabbi emeritus even after the congregation
went from Orthodox to Traditional.

Second, as I understand it,
you, your former wife and children all converted under Traditional
auspices.

Third, as you stated in your
correspondence with us at JewishPath your conversion is NOT accepted
by Orthodox Judaism. Yet it is accepted in Yisroel and you could
do aliya under your present conversion, G-d forbid!

Fourth, since your conversion
is recognized in Yisroel then the question of a Get {a Jewish
divorce} comes into question. Have you considered this?

Fifth, you remarried without
a Get. Even though that is the situation, your marriage is not
recognized by any branch of Judaism because it was to a non Jew.

Sixth, are you Jewish according
to the Torah?

Well, the Orthodox position
is that you don't need a Get. You're not Jewish. You're former
wife was not Jewish, etc.

However, this being the situation,
your situation still demonstrates the extreme intricacies of
a Jewish conversion and divorce, etc.

Thank you for taking the time
to write to us at JewishPath. Thank you for your effort. Few
will ever understand all the time { 5 - 7 years}, money, energy
and learning you invested just to have the opportunity to make
a clear choice not to convert to Orthodox Judaism.

Wishing you the best,

Dr. Akiva G. Belk

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