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Beware of a woman with a broken hearthttps://onmyhoriz0n.wordpress.com/2017/04/30/beware-of-a-woman-with-a-broken-heart/
https://onmyhoriz0n.wordpress.com/2017/04/30/beware-of-a-woman-with-a-broken-heart/#respondSun, 30 Apr 2017 04:38:29 +0000http://onmyhoriz0n.wordpress.com/?p=137More Beware of a woman with a broken heart]]>Girls know things. We know a lot of things. But sometimes, we don’t know the most important thing. Ourselves. In today’s world it’s so hard to know yourself. I can relate to this too well. I get too lost in other unimportant parts of my life. I became too fixated with how my hair looks, making sure my eyebrows stayed tamed, and how I looked whenever I went out to a party. I’m sick of it. I just want to say “fuck you” to the world. I’m done.

Can I just say one thing? You probably already know what’s coming, it’s so obvious, I know. But boys suck. With my ex-boyfriend, I was so confident in myself, so confident in our relationship, that I didn’t sweat the small stuff that I do now. When we broke up, I suddenly became so aware of all of my flaws. I no longer had someone who was always by my side, through thick and thin. And I tried to find that again, but the thing is I didn’t want it with someone else. I still just wanted it with my ex. Hate to say it but I still do.

When I broke up with him, I thought I was going to be fine. In all honesty, our breakup had been a long time coming. There were so many flaws that our relationship felt like a burden to me. Girls, no matter who you are or how you view yourself, you deserve someone who will build you up, not destroy you. Someone who makes you a better person. Someone who loves you unconditionally. I didn’t have that. That’s why I wanted out. Still, it hurts. I wasn’t expecting it to hurt that much. I had a broken heart, still do. It’s slowly repairing itself, and every smile and every laugh I have with my friends is mending the cracks that my ex left. It’s important to find things in life that make you happy. For me, it’s my friends. Most importantly, my best friend. Sometimes I think she knows me better than I know myself. Anywho, the point is, find something that makes you happy. I find happiness in our adventures, whether it’s finding a new spot to Eno or going to get fast food at an ungodly hour, it makes me feel better. It makes me forget why I was sad in the first place. But then, I’m alone and it’s a dark and rainy night and I remember why all over again, and the pain feels just the same as it was at the beginning. I remember why I always search for his name whenever I look at who watched my snap story, I remember why I’m never surprised to see that he didn’t like my Instagram post, and I hate the fact that I even take social media into account when it’s destroying our society as we know it.

When I think about him, it motivates me. It makes me want to get better. It makes me want to achieve my goals, to show him that I don’t need him and that he’ll never get me back. He lost his chance. And I want him to pay for it. So beware. I hope he regrets losing me. And I hope he knows for the future, beware of a woman with a broken heart. Because that woman is capable of anything.

]]>https://onmyhoriz0n.wordpress.com/2017/04/30/beware-of-a-woman-with-a-broken-heart/feed/0IMG_5853onmyhoriz0nA letter to my exhttps://onmyhoriz0n.wordpress.com/2017/04/06/a-letter-to-my-ex/
https://onmyhoriz0n.wordpress.com/2017/04/06/a-letter-to-my-ex/#respondThu, 06 Apr 2017 04:33:57 +0000http://onmyhoriz0n.wordpress.com/?p=127More A letter to my ex]]>It’s been awhile. Almost 3 months, actually. I hope you’re doing well. I wish I could say that everything over here is fine, that it’s been fine, that it will be fine. I could say that, and I could mean it. But fine is a relative term. I’ve been the saddest I’ve been but I’ve also been the happiest I’ve been. Life is hard, it always is. I miss doing life with you.

I saw you today. You didn’t see me, I was with my friend driving in the car. You were walking across the street with a girl. I wondered who she was, I wondered if she had spent her nights with you in your bed like I had countless times before. I wondered if she was friends with your friends, if they liked her as much as they liked me. I tried to belittle her, I tried to make myself feel like I was somehow above her and better than her. I don’t even know her. I hope she makes you as happy as you made me.

Part of me wants to be mad at you. I’m still not ready for someone else and I hate that you were ready so fast. I don’t get the feeling that I had with you with anyone else. And I want to yell at myself for still thinking about you as much as I do. I always wonder what it would be like if things turned out differently and if we were still together. I loved you. I still would today. I fell so fast and so hard it came out of nowhere. I wish I had told you. But now it’s too late. I’m never going to get those moments back, the moments we shared together. I miss how you would always pull me closer to you while we were laying in bed. It was like an instinct for you. You would text me and tell me you miss me. You would do anything for me, and I would do anything for you. Honestly, I probably still would do anything for you. I guess it just wasn’t meant to be. I’ll move on, and this will all be in the past, the distance growing larger and larger until it feels like nothing.

Maybe in another life things would have worked out. But I’m done wishing and waiting. See ya.

]]>https://onmyhoriz0n.wordpress.com/2017/04/06/a-letter-to-my-ex/feed/0IMG_4822onmyhoriz0nLove & Happinesshttps://onmyhoriz0n.wordpress.com/2017/03/23/love-happiness/
https://onmyhoriz0n.wordpress.com/2017/03/23/love-happiness/#respondThu, 23 Mar 2017 21:59:23 +0000http://onmyhoriz0n.wordpress.com/?p=114More Love & Happiness]]>I don’t know when it became hard to love yourself and find happiness, but somewhere along the way, it became the norm. There are so many toxic sources that we face on a daily basis which contributes to feelings of sadness, emptiness, feeling like we’re not good enough, not pretty enough, not smart enough. So many ways to compare ourselves to others that sometimes it feels like we can never pull ourselves out of the hole that we dug ourselves into in the first place. Guess what? Nobody is perfect and everyone has something that they are struggling with.

These days, social media has taken over our lives. Whether it’s seeing how many likes we can get on Instagram or posting a snapchat story just to see if that one person will view it. When did we stop doing things for ourselves and start doing everything for other people? When did the sleepovers go from watching chick flicks and eating everything in sight to stalking people on Instagram and shit-talking? Slowly but surely, a switch flipped. I lost my love for myself, lost my love for what I truly believe in, lost who I am. I became a person that I don’t know anymore, a person that I’m not proud of, and all for what? So I can impress the frat guy who won’t stop playing The Chainsmokers behind the bar while holding a red solo cup filled with god knows what and wearing sunglasses in a dark basement? So I can be known as the “fun” one in my sorority, known as the one who will always go out, whether it’s a Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, or Saturday? The one who refers to syllabus week as syllaBOOZE week? I lost sight of what I truly believe in. All I wanted was a classic college experience, but what I got was a broken heart and a drinking ticket.

After having one of the hardest semesters of my life, emotionally, I decided to take action and fix myself. It started small, but gradually I could feel myself reverting back to the girl that I knew and loved from first semester. The saying that happiness is fleeting is just a bunch of bullshit. Find happiness in the small things, in the things that you do on a daily basis. It’s ok to find happiness into your future endeavors, but don’t put all of your happiness into the future, otherwise you will never be happy about the present.

]]>https://onmyhoriz0n.wordpress.com/2017/03/23/love-happiness/feed/0IMG_9929onmyhoriz0nThe thing you never want to do: break uphttps://onmyhoriz0n.wordpress.com/2017/02/07/the-thing-you-never-want-to-do-break-up/
https://onmyhoriz0n.wordpress.com/2017/02/07/the-thing-you-never-want-to-do-break-up/#respondTue, 07 Feb 2017 02:01:12 +0000http://onmyhoriz0n.wordpress.com/?p=100More The thing you never want to do: break up]]>Do you ever have those days where you feel like everything that can go wrong does? I’m having one of those weeks. Actually, it’s been like this for a couple of weeks. You see, I’m at a point in my life where everything is constant. There’s nothing exciting. I’m in a rut. I’m sad. I want to get out of the college bubble that I’m trapped in. No matter how hard I try, I still find myself in the same place. Wondering. Wishing.

At the beginning of the semester I broke up with my boyfriend. Literally first day of classes. Then later that day I found out I had gotten summoned for jury duty. The icing on the cake, right? Right. Yes, this whole breakup thing sucks. I didn’t think it would hurt as much as it does. And I think I’m hurting so much more than I thought because I know he doesn’t really care all that much. Girls, find yourself a guy who isn’t afraid of his feelings. That’s what my ex was. Afraid. Being in a relationship can be scary, especially if it’s your first. In our case, it was both of our firsts. And he wasn’t ready. I respect that. I also think I had this vision of how a relationship is and I tried so hard to be the perfect girlfriend. I wasn’t clingy. We would both go out on the weekends and have fun with our friends, but then end the night together. I thought it was perfect. He made me so happy. Until he didn’t.

You see, relationships are a two way street. And let’s be honest, I’m a college girl who plays by society’s rules. If he takes awhile to respond, then I take awhile to respond. Eventually, texting and snapchatting every single day went to talking every couple of days or so. Very sporadic. Not ideal. I realized that not talking everyday wasn’t really doing anything to me. I wasn’t mad, upset, or sad that our communication wasn’t as regular and we hadn’t seen each other in awhile. It got to the point for me when our relationship felt more like a burden than anything else. And I wasn’t happy in it. I knew that I needed to end things, so I did.

I don’t regret dating him. I don’t regret the strong feelings I had for him. I don’t regret how he made me feel when he would pull me closer when we were falling asleep. I don’t regret letting him look into my eyes the way he did. I don’t regret almost loving him. I don’t regret anything. I think what they say in songs is true. “The first cut is the deepest.” That’s for damn sure. I think through all of this, it made me realize what I cherish in someone and what I want in the future. I wanted this to work out so badly that I didn’t realize all of the flaws in our relationship until it was over. But right when I acknowledged the flaws, I kept thinking back to all of the great times and how happy he made me. It’s a tough thing. You want to move on so badly but your mind and your thoughts prevent you from it. It’s unfair, really.

All I want is for him to be happy. I want him to enjoy his college experience and have fun with his friends and mess around. I want him to have what I had last year. Dating in college is a tricky thing sometimes. This is just a case where it didn’t work out. Time sucks. But it’s the only way to heal through this. Who knows how things would have turned out if we had both been ready. The months we spent together are now just a memory, but memories are supposed to stay in the past. Time to move on and not look back.

]]>https://onmyhoriz0n.wordpress.com/2017/02/07/the-thing-you-never-want-to-do-break-up/feed/0img_6421onmyhoriz0nEnding on a good notehttps://onmyhoriz0n.wordpress.com/2016/12/14/ending-on-a-good-note/
https://onmyhoriz0n.wordpress.com/2016/12/14/ending-on-a-good-note/#commentsWed, 14 Dec 2016 22:15:40 +0000http://onmyhoriz0n.wordpress.com/?p=95More Ending on a good note]]>Yesterday I woke up to one of my favorite things in the world to wake up to: a fresh blanket of snow. Now I’m not talking about a light dusting, I’m talking inches. Enough to cause car accidents all over the city. Enough to make people want to stay inside. But not me. I was out there just living life, not giving a care in the world. But then I came inside and it was different. Everyone around me was stressed and too focused on studying for finals to go outside for just five minutes to enjoy the snow. Then it hit me. Why do we let the smallest things control our lives? I mean think about it. Finals. It’s a crazy stressful week where sleep is lost, calories don’t count, and showers only happen every other day. It shouldn’t be like this.

Think about the world. Think about how many people there are in this world. It’s huge, right? One test won’t matter in the grand scheme of things. I try to remember this when school gets to be too much. Usually I would turn to my friends for guidance through a rocky study time as they always know how to make me laugh. But it’s different around them now, and I don’t know why. My life isn’t the only thing in the world that matters. Everyone has stuff going on. Sometimes it’s hard to remember that when you feel like your life is just falling apart piece by piece until eventually there’s nothing left. But you know what, there will always be something left. It might be a little strand, but it’s easy to repair ripped cloth. All you need is a little time, effort and elbow grease. The rest will fall into place.

So don’t stress over a week of finals. Try your best to prepare, but don’t slave over every single problem in your statistics book. Study smart, not hard, and don’t forget to have a little fun.

]]>https://onmyhoriz0n.wordpress.com/2016/12/14/ending-on-a-good-note/feed/1onmyhoriz0nDo It If You’re Coolhttps://onmyhoriz0n.wordpress.com/2016/10/12/do-it-if-youre-cool/
https://onmyhoriz0n.wordpress.com/2016/10/12/do-it-if-youre-cool/#respondWed, 12 Oct 2016 20:09:06 +0000http://onmyhoriz0n.wordpress.com/?p=85More Do It If You’re Cool]]>“Do it if you’re cool!”

My roommates and I shout these words to each other whenever someone is debating on doing something, and then we always throw our heads back in laughter. This semester, I’m living with three of my best friends in my sorority house. When we were about two weeks into the school year, our quote board was already filled with sayings that have been repeated over and over because of how funny they are to us. The amount of inside jokes we have with each other is already astounding, and we’re only halfway through the semester at this point! There are been various times where we tell each other that living together has been the greatest thing to have happened to us. I can’t begin to explain how grateful I am for these girls in my life. Through our ups and downs, the ladies of B2 will always be there.

My freshman year of college was good, don’t get me wrong, but I had no idea how much better my sophomore year would be. Living in a sorority house is 100000x better than living in a dorm, in my opinion. We have 80 girls living under our roof, which sounds intense, but it is great in so many ways. There are so many possibilities that are waiting to happen, and I find myself becoming more and more independent.

I’m taking 18 credit hours this semester. All business classes. The majority of my quizzes and exams all fall on either the same day or the same week, so it is very stressful at times. I have a job driving kids to school in the mornings, so I need to make sure I wake up in time for that. I’m stressed, exhausted, drained, but happy. I feel like I’m constantly smiling because I think back to a great memory I have with my roommates. It’s hard and it’s a lot of work, but it is so worth it in the end.

I’ve always been super close with my mom, and last year I think I talked to her almost every single day. Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with that. I just knew that I could become so much more independent, but I almost wasn’t allowing myself to. I think I wasn’t exactly happy with my dorm situation or the friends I had at that time. Now, everything is different, and even my mom has noticed. She told me she’s noticed we haven’t been talking that much, and she’s good about giving me my space. She knows I’m doing great things here at school, and she knows I’m genuinely happy and glad to be where I am. People aren’t lying when they say college is a great four years of your life.

]]>https://onmyhoriz0n.wordpress.com/2016/10/12/do-it-if-youre-cool/feed/0onmyhoriz0n5 simple things to make you feel on top of the worldhttps://onmyhoriz0n.wordpress.com/2016/05/13/5-simple-things-to-make-you-feel-on-top-of-the-world/
https://onmyhoriz0n.wordpress.com/2016/05/13/5-simple-things-to-make-you-feel-on-top-of-the-world/#respondFri, 13 May 2016 19:28:33 +0000http://onmyhoriz0n.wordpress.com/?p=54More 5 simple things to make you feel on top of the world]]>One thing that I would love to be is a minimalist. However, I know that I am far from being that. It’s so easy for me to get caught up in materialistic things and having the latest trend. I’m trying to change that, so I came up with a little list of things that I cherish that you can get without having to go to the mall or drive to the nearest shopping center.

1. A summer breeze – This one is pretty self-explanatory, all you really need is summer. If you live in a place that stays relatively cold all year long, then you are out of luck. (And how do you get your Vitamin D!?) There’s something so peaceful about basking in the summer sun and listening to the breeze ruffle the leaves all around you. Hearing it gives me a sense of serenity, and I feel so calm and collected after spending just 5 minutes outside.

2. A good laugh – There is nothing in the world that makes me happier than when I laugh so hard my cheeks hurt and my stomach becomes sore. In my experiences, the funniest moments happen when no one is expecting them. A Girl’s Night In turns into a night you’ll remember for the rest of your life. Cherish these moments and memories because they might be some of the best of your life.

3. Family – This one sounds so simple, yet it is often overlooked, at least on my part. Once I’m home for a couple days, I’m ready to leave again. My whole family being together is a rare occasion, so when we are all together, it’s nice for awhile. Then, one by one, we all become ready to flee the nest and become independent again. I think it’s the mix of dysfunction and lack of freedom that we feel, but the first few days are wonderful. I never take these days for granted, even though I may feel like exploding sometimes. I never know when the next time we’ll all be together will be, so I take each memory and cherish it.

4. Music – Music has a strange way of making something so small feel almost as big as the entire world. A certain song can transport you into a whole new world. My love for music has shaped my teenage years into, essentially, what I wanted them to be. I can hear a song and think about my spring break, maybe senior year of high school, maybe even freshman year of college. Music has the ability to alter your mood, so make sure you stick to up-beat tunes when you wanna feel good. I suggest Spotify’s top charts playlist. It gets you grooving, trust me.

5. Coffee – Call me basic, but coffee has turned into a staple for my daily life. That iced coffee with sugar-free vanilla creamer makes my mouth water just thinking about it. One sip and I’m a whole new person. The smile on my face just doesn’t turn into a frown! Not only does drinking coffee make me feel happy, but so does getting coffee. These are two very different things. My friend asks me, “Wanna go grab some coffee?” and I scream “YES!” Coffee dates have become almost a routine in my college life, but each date is different. It’s a way for friends to sit back, relax, and just talk about their days or how they’re feeling. Talk about a stress reliever. Especially during finals, but let’s be real. No one has time to even think about taking an hour break for a coffee date during finals. It’s the thought that counts, though!

6. Eno – Yes, I know I said there 5 things on this list. But I couldn’t resist adding this 6th one on here. An Eno hammock (see featured image) is one of my obsessions right now, and it makes me feel so connected to Mother Nature. It’s simple, convenient, easy to carry, and life changing. I have turned the word Eno into a verb, not even kidding. All you need is two trees and bam-serenity. Buy one now. Buy two, even. Stack ’em on top of each other and grab yo frands. You won’t be sorry. You can thank me later.

This list of 5 simple things has the power to make me feel like I’m on top of the world. With each one, you don’t need anything fancy to prove yourself. Except the coffee. I’ll need $3.22 to get my Venti Iced Caramel Coffee with half and half. Yikes. I think I already have an addiction.

]]>https://onmyhoriz0n.wordpress.com/2016/05/13/5-simple-things-to-make-you-feel-on-top-of-the-world/feed/0IMG_3896onmyhoriz0nThe struggle is realhttps://onmyhoriz0n.wordpress.com/2016/05/12/the-struggle-is-real/
https://onmyhoriz0n.wordpress.com/2016/05/12/the-struggle-is-real/#respondThu, 12 May 2016 00:13:28 +0000http://onmyhoriz0n.wordpress.com/?p=44More The struggle is real]]>Something I’ve always struggled with is comparing myself to others. I contribute that just to my own feeling of insecurities, but even when I’m confident in myself and feeling good about myself, I always look at other people and envy their lives. I know for a fact that I’m not the only one who does this or feels like this. Someone else will always have it better than you. On the flip side, which it seems like no one acknowledges, there is always someone who is much worse off than you are right now. When we compare ourselves to others, we always compare up. We never compare down, because when we see people who are doing much worse than us, we don’t brag. We don’t say, “I make so much more money than that person” or “I nailed that test and you failed it”. If we say those things, we are seen as rude. Narcissistic. Obnoxious. Simply put, not nice.

I’m trying to work on myself as a whole person, instead of pinpointing what I want to fix. It’s gotten to the point where I realized I can fix something about my entire self. These are things that I have noticed, so I want to change them. I’m not trying to change my entire self, I just want to better myself and the kind of person that I am.

It’s pretty silly, if you think about it. I’m sitting on my porch, my dog laying next to me, and honestly I don’t have a care in the world. I’m done with the school year and it’s now my summer break. I’m leaving for Rome in 4 days. I’ll be gone for a little over 2 weeks, then I’m off to my lake house for the summer to work. I in no way live a horrible life. I’m extremely grateful and thankful for all of the opportunities I’ve had. So why do I still compare myself to others? Why can’t I just be happy with right here, right now? It’s because society tells us that we’re not good enough, and we can’t be happy because we don’t have everything, which to tell you the truth, is total BS. The happiest people are the ones who have hardly anything at all. They don’t rely on material possessions to give them happiness. That’s a lesson we all need to learn.

]]>https://onmyhoriz0n.wordpress.com/2016/05/12/the-struggle-is-real/feed/0IMG_0500onmyhoriz0nThat feeling that just won’t go awayhttps://onmyhoriz0n.wordpress.com/2016/05/10/that-feeling-that-just-wont-go-away/
https://onmyhoriz0n.wordpress.com/2016/05/10/that-feeling-that-just-wont-go-away/#respondTue, 10 May 2016 03:53:02 +0000http://onmyhoriz0n.wordpress.com/?p=29More That feeling that just won’t go away]]>If you’ve ever done something wrong or let someone down, you know the feeling. It tugs at your gut, gives you worry wrinkles, and it never leaves the back of your mind. Well, I’m experiencing that feeling right now, and to be honest it seems like I’m always experiencing that feeling for one reason or another. Today, I finally realized one of the most important things I’ve needed to tell myself for awhile.

Let it go.

It may not be as easy or as simple as we’d like it to be, but I can be the first to tell you that letting it go is possible. That one test you got a D on? Your future boss doesn’t have to know about the grade. Maybe you went a little too hard one night. Your adult self will look back and laugh. Your parents got mad because you stayed out too late one night. Guess what, it won’t matter to your future spouse. We feel these feelings because it affects us. We think that people will see us differently because of it, and because we are all human, we need approval from others. So, really, we are only feeling this way because of others.

Stop doing things for other people’s approval.

Why do I feel the need to dress a certain way? Wear clothes that are “in style” or maintain a certain weight? It’s because everyone else is doing it. That’s a horrible way to live life. Live your life the way you want to. Find something your good at and go for it. Maybe it’s quilting. There is absolutely no shame in that. It will come in handy and your friends will come running to you offering money for a finished product. Maybe it’s an unconventional sport. Wanna try hockey? I say, you go girl. Be the badass you’ve always wanted to be, but don’t forget to always be yourself. You’ll stand out for it, and no one can take away your personality or qualities from you. Once you stop doing things for other people, you will find yourself so much happier. And that feeling will go away. Just give it a little bit of time and elbow grease.

]]>https://onmyhoriz0n.wordpress.com/2016/05/10/that-feeling-that-just-wont-go-away/feed/0IMG_2663onmyhoriz0nWhy I won’t let the past define mehttps://onmyhoriz0n.wordpress.com/2015/12/19/why-i-wont-let-the-past-define-me/
https://onmyhoriz0n.wordpress.com/2015/12/19/why-i-wont-let-the-past-define-me/#respondSat, 19 Dec 2015 03:21:52 +0000http://onmyhoriz0n.wordpress.com/?p=18More Why I won’t let the past define me]]>I’m just going to go out there and say it, but everyone has at least one enemy. You may not know it, but there’s probably someone who just doesn’t like you. End of story. No big deal. That person doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things, so you shouldn’t let one opinion weigh you down and define you.

I’ve been through it all with friends. I’ve lost friends who I thought were going to be in my life forever, and while it sucked at first, I got over it. I realized that if someone chooses to leave your life, they were no good for you in the first place. We need people who are going to stay with us and support us no matter what, so a fleeting friendship wasn’t worth your time anyways.

I’ve let ruined friendships dictate who I am. But not anymore. I used to base my plans on trying to win back friendships that were just toxic to me and everyone else around me, I just didn’t realize it at the time. People have a strange ability to control and manipulate your thoughts and feelings without you even realizing it. Toxic friends can make you feel bad for things even when you did nothing wrong. These are the friends who are simply not worth it. While it’s hard at first, you just have to look at the horizon and move on. It’ll be worth it in the end.

Friends come in and out of your life, that’s just a fact of life. Remember your best friend from elementary school? The one that you thought was going to be your best friend forever and be your maid of honor at your wedding? Maybe you follow each other on Instagram, but that’s the most contact you’ve had with her in years. And that’s okay.

Your past friendships are in the past for a reason. Let yourself learn from those childhood best friends or those ruined high school friendships over a boy. People come and go, but make sure you hold onto the lifelong friends.