Post navigation

Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

1. When it appears that you have killed the monster, NEVER EVER check to see if it’s really dead.

2. Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.

3. Do not search the basement, especially if the power has gone out.

4. As a general rule, do not solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.

5. Never stand in, on, or above a grave, tomb, or crypt. This would apply to any other house of the dead as well.

6. If you’re searching for something which caused a loud noise and find out that it’s just the cat, GET THE HELL OUT!

7. If appliances start operating by themselves, do not check for short circuits; just get out!

8. Do not take ANYTHING from the dead.

9. If you find a town which looks deserted, there’s probably a good reason for it. Don’t stop and look around, just leave while you still can.

10. If you’re running from the scary zombie, demon or ghost, expect to trip or fall down at least twice. Also note that, despite the fact that you are running and the scary entity is merely shambling along, it’s still moving fast enough to catch up with you.

11. If your companions suddenly begins to show deeply disturbing behavior such as hissing, a sudden fascination for blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness, and so on, kill them immediately.

12. Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are listed here: Any New Orleans Cemetery, Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Nilbog (you’re in trouble if you recognize this one), the deep woods of West Virginia, or any small town in Maine, Vermont, Connecticut or New Hampshire.

13. If your car runs out of gas at night on a lonely road, do not go to the nearby deserted looking house to phone for help. If you think that it is strange because you thought you had 3/4 of a tank, shoot yourself instead. You are going to die anyway, and most likely be eaten.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people and and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

QUOTES OF THE DAY

“Bookmakers have listed Pope Francis as the odds-on favorite to win the 2014 Nobel Peace Prize. So if you’re placing a bet on the results of the 2014 Nobel Peace Prize…you have a gambling problem.” -Seth Meyers

“Vladimir Putin was nominated but did not win the Nobel Peace Prize. Earlier today he said, ‘Who do I have to kill to win a Nobel Peace Prize?'” Dave Letterman

“Runners from Kenya came in first, second, and third in the Chicago Marathon yesterday. Even crazier, all three runners turned out to be one dude lapping everyone.” -Jimmy Fallon

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

Arthur was sitting outside his local pub one day, enjoying a quiet pint and generally feeling good about himself, when a nun suddenly appears at his table and starts decrying the evils of drink. “You should be ashamed of yourself young man! Drinking is a Sin! Alcohol is the blood of the devil!” Now Arthur gets pretty annoyed about this, and goes on the offensive. “How do you know, Sister? Have you ever had a drink yourself? How can you be sure that what you are saying is right?” “Don’t be ridiculous – of course I have never taken alcohol myself” “Then let me buy you a drink – if you still believe afterwards that it is evil I will give up drink for life” “How could I, a Nun, sit outside this public house drinking?” “I’ll get the barman to put it in a teacup for you, then no one will know” The Nun reluctantly agrees, so Arthur goes inside to the bar. “Another pint for me, and a triple vodka on the rocks”, then he lowers his voice and says to the barman “… and could you put the vodka in a teacup?” “Oh no! It’s not that drunk Nun again is it?”

Wednesday Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?

Answer: Stay Tuned! Eugene Levy, John Ritter, Jeffrey Jones, and Pam Dawber come together for an ultimate couch potato spoof. This particular line is said by Pam Dawber after she and John Ritter are sucked into the next channel which happens to be a cartoon.

Thursday Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this

quote from??? “The last time I trusted a dame was in Paris in 1940, she said she was going out to get a bottle of wine. Two hours later the Germans marched into France.”

Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….

All these number represent one thing. What is it?

1.609344

1,760

5,280

63,360

160,934.4

1,609,344

Answer: Units in one mile:

1.609344 kilometers

1,760 yards

5,280 feet

63,360 inches

160,934.4 centimeters

1,609,344 millimeters

Thursday’s Quizzler is……….

Each of the clues below describe a name of a candy. Can you name that candy? Example: Earth’s neighbor = Mars.

1. Quiet giggles from the back of the room

2. Infant child of The Sultan of Swat (2)

3. Cow juice / cowboy clothes (2)

4. Baby chick chirps

5. Male parental unit that plays guitar (2)

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com. https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.org.