Fired

Then they told me I had to either take a 50 percent pay cut or I would be fired. If I was fired they would give me severance. I didn't like either choice. I had responsibilities. I was counting on the money. I was scared. I wasn't expecting this.

We can be romantically involved with, or be children to or parents of people of color, and experience moments of prejudice, and yes, racism. We can have mothers and sisters and wives and daughters -- we can be women -- and fall into sexist patterns of thought and action.

If a volunteer is in fact an employee then employee protection laws such as minimum wage and overtime, as well as Title VII, will frequently apply. Consult experienced legal counsel to review your specific situation.

You need to stay busy, ground yourself (meditation and exercise) and stay engaged with real friends (only the positive ones) so that you can go out into the world with confidence and let an employer know why you will be their next great hire.

I had everything. I had the perfect apartment, the perfect lifestyle (whatever that even means), the perfect husband, the perfect dog, the perfect job. I was bouncy lollipops and rainbows happy. That is, until it all fell apart faster than you can say downsizing.

Hi, Mr. Cooper. It's Martin. I'm actually glad you didn't pick up, it'll be much easier to just say this over your answering machine. As you probably noticed, I haven't shown up for work at all this week.

The walk back to my apartment was long. I called my parents in tears and relived every misstep, looking entirely out of place in the midst of the morning hustle and bustle. But here I am one week later. It's possible that getting shit-canned was the best thing to happen to me in 2013.

Until recently, I struggled to put into context everything that went wrong for me that year and what role I played. Reflecting on what I've learned since then, I've come up with 5 broad themes I think sum up that chapter of my life.

I decided to lose the pseudonym and come out publicly about being a straight male who was a gay escort. I wanted to show the world that sex workers can be educated, intelligent, well-adjusted people. People who went to Berkeley. People who worked at Google.

In solidarity with my fellow disenchanted, disillusioned compatriots who, in this terrible and depressing economy were so cruelly released into the wilds of urban unemployment, here are the five stages of being fired.

Treating a $1.6 billion, 11,000-employee organization like it's your personal plaything isn't funny, and including a neo-hipster inside joke about Battletoads in your farewell missive doesn't make it all okay.

In order to capture the depth of nausea that I felt on the day that I got fired, you need to picture me sitting across from my boss in his glaringly sunny office. Then you need to envision giant tufts of wiry white hair sprouting out from the neck of his company polo shirt.

My Pretending System has helped over seven million people find happiness and by that I mean a number that was actually 106. But that didn't seem very impressive so I'm pretending it was more. See? Pretending works for everyone!

The valuable lesson I learned this year is that those who aren't man enough to say "goodbye" should be ashamed. Don't be a coward. If you want to cut someone out of your life, just tell them face to face. Give an explanation so that there can be some closure.