Wednesday, December 10, 2008

The Empty Beach

I leave my shadowto fall behind.And I won’t write to you’cause I’m not that kind.

On Monday I walked back from town along the Hastings River break wall and then down along Town Beach. The latter was completely deserted due to the inclement weather.

It was overcast and grey, and as I stood alone on the empty beach I found myself softly singing the lyrics to the rather mournful song“Rockferry”by Welsh singer/songwriterDuffy.

I leave the stars to judgemy every move.I’m not going to think of youOh, I’d get the blues.

Every since the ending, earlier this year, of a certain relationship, I’ve found myself often drawn to Duffy’s 2008 album, Rockferry, and its songs of loss and regret, of the futility of “hanging on too long,” and of the struggle and pain of letting go and moving on.Duffy’s been described as the “new Dusty Springfield,” a comparison that’s actually erroneous. I have nothing against the young Duffy’s vocal talent, but she doesn’t remotely sound like the late, greatDusty Springfield. Still, her Rockferry album - with its sweeping strings, dramatic songs of lost love, and retro-soul vibe - definitely captures the spirit of Dusty’s classic 1960s’ recordings.

There’s no sleep on the journeyaway from town.A bag of songs and a heavy heartwon’t make me down.

I’ve come to see the destination of Rockferry as a metaphor for that lonely place we often have to journey to and inhabit for a time after making the decision to move on from a relationship that, for whatever reason, just isn’t working.

There’s a deep sense of loss at this place, a heavy sadness, sometimes even a biting anger and bitterness. Yet if you approach this place in a certain way, there’s also a quiet determination, a flickeringflame of hopethat can sustain you and keep you moving - however painfully and slowly - across and beyond that inner terrain of loss and grief. It’s a terrain that can indeed feel like an empty, windswept beach.

I’ll give it all my strength and my mind.I’ll make this decision with or without.

For gay people there’s often an added burden to this experience. Believe it or not, there are some who actually consider the presence of the very human experiences of longing, loss and disappointment within the context of the so-called“gay lifestyle”as evidence of the inherent unhappiness and unfulfillment of homosexuality! Of course, heterosexuals are allowed to experience romantic disappointments and unfulfilled longings without heterosexuality itself ever being questioned. Why the double standard?

Yes, yes, I know the answer: we still live, in many ways, in an unenlightened world when it comes to the reality, the experiences of those who don’t fit the heterosexaul ideal. Hence attitudes, words, and actions of incredible ignorance, insensitivity, and even cruelty and violence. Yet I remain hopeful . . .

So how to end this post? Maybe on this note of hopefulness . . . and, as I started, with the lyrics of Duffy, though not from one of her love-gone-wrong songs! No, let’s get off this empty beach.

Accordingly, I’ll close this meditation with the lyrics of Rockferry’s anthematic closing track, “Distant Dreamer.” And perhaps you’ll dream (and work) with me in creating a world where all, regardless of sexual orientation, are free to journey and search and, yes, stumble and learn and grow, as together we move toward becoming living embodients of integrity, love, and wholeness.

Although you think I copemy head is filled with hopeof some place other than here

Although you think I smileinside all the while I’m wonderingabout my destiny

I’m thinking about all the thingsI’d like to do in my lifeI’m a dreamer, a distant dreamerDreaming for hope from today

Even when you see me frownmy heart won’t let me downbecause I know there’s better things to come

And when life gets toughand I feel I’ve had enoughI hold on to a distant star

I’m thinking about all the thingsI'd like to do in my lifeYeah, I’m a dreamer, a distant dreamerDreaming for hope from today

Your most recent blog postings have been important and touching. Also, your photos and reflections are very beautiful.

You always inspire me. It is so important for someone as sensitive, wise and articulate as you to keep speaking out and claiming a place in the mainstream for GLBT persons.

You speak for me, as a mom, and of course for huge numbers of GLBT persons on the subject of loss and heartbreak. Such miseries are legitimately experienced by all people, and should be respected for that.

I hope this time away will be helpful for you in all kinds of ways, Michael. I credit you with the wisdom to know, or at least the ability to figure out, what is best for you.

You are a gifted man with so much to offer the world. I think of you often.

I established The Wild Reed in 2006 as a sign of solidarity with all who are dedicated to living lives of integrity – though, in particular, with gay people seeking to be true to both the gift of their sexuality and their Catholic faith. The Wild Reed's original by-line read, "Thoughts and reflections from a progressive, gay, Catholic perspective." As you can see, it reads differently now. This is because my journey has, in many ways, taken me beyond, or perhaps better still, deeper into the realities that the words "progressive," "gay," and "Catholic" seek to describe.

Even though reeds can symbolize frailty, they may also represent the strength found in flexibility. Popular wisdom says that the green reed which bends in the wind is stronger than the mighty oak which breaks in a storm. Tall green reeds are associated with water, fertility, abundance, wealth, and rebirth. The sound of a reed pipe is often considered the voice of a soul pining for God or a lost love.

On September 24, 2012,Michael BaylyofCatholics for Marriage Equality MNwas interviewed by Suzanne Linton of Our World Today about same-sex relationships and why Catholics can vote 'no' on the proposed Minnesota anti-marriage equality amendment.

Readers write . . .

"I believe your blog to be of utmost importance for all people regardless of their orientation. . . . Thank you for your blog and the care and dedication that you give in bringing the TRUTH to everyone."– William

"Michael, if there is ever a moment in your day or in your life when you feel low and despondent and wonder whether what you are doing is anything worthwhile, think of this: thanks to your writing on the internet, a young man miles away is now willing to embrace life completely and use his talents and passions unashamedly to celebrate God and his creation. Any success I face in the future and any lives I touch would have been made possible thanks to you and your honesty and wisdom."– AB

"Since I discovered your blog I have felt so much more encouraged and inspired knowing that I'm not the only gay guy in the Catholic Church trying to balance my Faith and my sexuality. Continue being a beacon of hope and a guide to the future within our Church!"– Phillip

"Your posts about Catholic issues are always informative and well researched, and I especially appreciate your photography and the personal posts about your own experience. I'm very glad I found your blog and that I've had the chance to get to know you."– Crystal

"Thank you for taking the time to create this fantastic blog. It is so inspiring!"– George

"I cannot claim to be an expert on Catholic blogs, but from what I've seen, The Wild Reed ranks among the very best."– Kevin

"Reading your blog leaves me with the consolation of knowing that the words Catholic, gay and progressive are not mutually exclusive.."– Patrick

"I grieve for the Roman institution’s betrayal of God’s invitation to change. I fear that somewhere in the midst of this denial is a great sin that rests on the shoulders of those who lead and those who passively follow. But knowing that there are voices, voices of the prophets out there gives me hope. Please keep up the good work."– Peter

"I ran across your blog the other day looking for something else. I stopped to look at it and then bookmarked it because you have written some excellent articles that I want to read. I find your writing to be insightful and interesting and I'm looking forward to reading more of it. Keep up the good work. We really, really need sane people with a voice these days."– Jane Gael