This article was co-authored by Pippa Elliott, MRCVS. Dr. Elliott is a veterinarian with over thirty years of experience. She graduated from the University of Glasgow in 1987, and worked as a veterinary surgeon for 7 years. Afterward, Dr. Elliott worked as a veterinarian at an animal clinic for over a decade.

There are 14 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page.

The relationship your dog and your partner share can be strengthened with your help. If you haven't done so already, facilitate a calm, friendly introduction. After that, pay attention to your own relationship with your dog, as well as any specific feelings your partner has about your dog. By ensuring both of their needs are met, and communicating openly with your partner, you will all be living happily ever after in no time.

Steps

Part 1

Fostering a Positive Relationship

1

Facilitate a peaceful introduction. If you’re lucky, your partner and your dog will fall for one another as soon as they meet. Considering your positive feelings about each of them, this is actually quite likely. However, there are a few important things that can help make sure an introduction goes well.[1]

As the dog meets your partner, provide them with a treat while saying your partner’s name in a calm, friendly voice.

Talk with your partner about your dog’s social cues. Especially if your dog tends to be a bit nervous around new people, talk to your partner about letting your dog take the initiative to interact physically. For instance, have the dog walk up to them, instead of allowing your partner to reach out towards your dog.[2]

More specifically, tell your partner not to assume they can pet your dog when your dog walks up to them to sniff.

Tell your partner to wait to pet your dog until to dog is visibly relaxed, with loose body language. Other signs that the dog seeks physical interaction include keeping a close proximity next to your partner, especially leaning or rubbing against them.

3

Have your partner play hard to get. Some shy dogs may be more likely to want to interact with your partner if your partner ignores them. For example, have your partner sit with you, but with their body angled slightly away from your dog. Further, direct them not to acknowledge or otherwise seek your dog’s attention.[3]

When your partner approaches you and your dog, tell them to greet you warmly and calmly, but not acknowledge your dog. Have your partner acknowledge your dog and give them a treat only if your dog approaches your partner and sniffs them.

4

Address aggressive dog behavior. Dogs can sometimes behave aggressively for a number of reasons. Most commonly, this aggression is associated with protectiveness, possessiveness, fearfulness, or defensiveness. Fortunately, many fearful tendencies can be curbed with training. In short, you need to show an aggressive dog that you are in control, and that they don’t need to intervene on your or their own behalf.[4]

If your dog behaves aggressively towards other people, consider waiting to introduce them to your partner until you are better able to control their behavior.

Note that dogs from rescue facilities are often more likely to have aggressive tendencies, perhaps especially towards men.

If you are unable to curb your dog’s aggressive tendencies through training, it’s important to seek professional help. Look for help an animal behaviorist that is certified and experienced.

5

Click-train your dog to reward positive interactions with your partner. Use a clicker whenever your dog is relaxed around or approaches your partner. As soon as you make the clicking noise, give your dog a treat to reward it. Every time there’s a positive interaction between your dog and your partner, use the clicker and give them a treat. Over time, your dog will behave better around your partner.[5]

6

Have your partner help train your dog. Once your dog is comfortable around your partner, have your partner begin to establish a stronger bond with your dog by engaging in the same training practices you use. Further, your partner can establish more clear social boundaries with your dog by helping you enforce the rules you have for your dog.[6]

Start simply, by having your partner give commands to do things your dog already knows how to do, like “sit”. When the dog obeys, have your partner provide a treat and pet the dog.

This can be especially helpful if your dog seems to like your partner a bit too much. For instance, if your dog always wants to jump and play with your partner, training can help convey that your dog also needs to listen to your partner when they tell them “down” and other commands.

Part 2

Maintaining Your Own Relationship With Your Dog

1

Watch for signs that your dog is stressed. Adjustments to your dog’s environment, including the increased presence of your partner, may cause them to become stressed. This is true even if they are friendly with your partner. Make sure your dog is not feeling uneasy if your partner is spending more time at your home by monitoring your dog’s behavior closely.[7]

Specific signs of stress to watch out for include chewing, marking, and withdrawing from you or your partner.

If these signs develop, make a point of spending more time with your dog and showing them more affection.

2

Maintain the dog’s schedule. Aside from spending consistent time with your dog, it’s additionally important to help keep your dog’s schedule stable. Most simply, try to keep any routine you’ve established with the dog as closely as possible. For instance, if you walk and feed the dog at similar times every day, keep it up.[8]

If adjustments do need to be made, do so gradually.

For instance, if your dog is accustomed to spending three hours together hanging out every day, don’t all the sudden reduce this amount to one hour. Instead, make sure you’re still spending at least two hours together daily.

3

Plan a pet and partner play date. One of the best ways to strengthen the bonds between the animals and humans in your life is by spending time all together. Try to choose activities that all parties will enjoy. For instance, if both your partner and your dog enjoy being active, go to the park for a game of long-distance fetch.[9]

When you’re all together around the house, be sure to spend time cuddling all together. If you exclude your dog, they may be more likely to become jealous or resentful. Further, the more your partner and dog cuddle with each other, the better their own relationship will be.

4

Keep realistic expectations. Don’t force a relationship with your partner upon your dog. Similarly, don’t insist that your partner falls in love with your dog too. This means being patient, as well as understanding that both your dog’s and your partner’s wishes may be different than what you had initially hoped. In short, if they are slow to be affectionate towards one another, don’t let this bother you. [10]

As long as neither is aggressive towards the other, don’t feel like you need to constantly intervene to improve their relationship. Instead, focus on maintaining a positive with each of them independently.

In fact, the stronger your relationships with each one individually, the more likely they’ll wind up falling for one another.

Part 3

Communicating With Your Partner About Your Dog

1

Be clear about the rules your partner needs to follow. Communicate both your training regimen and the rules you expect your dog to follow early on in your relationship with a new partner (or a new dog). Further, note specific concerns you have as well.[11]

Even before your partner may be able to help with training, they should be told how to prevent complicating the training process.

For instance, if you’re training your dog not to jump up on people, direct your partner to ignore the dog and turn away when they jump up.

Further, if you know your dog likes to bolt out the door when other people enter or exit your home, make sure your partner is aware of this.

2

Express your own needs. Be explicit about what you want. While the rules that you need your partner to help you enforce may be easier to talk about, it's also important to share your desires. If a positive relationship between your dog and your partner is important to you, be sure to mention it.

For instance, if your partner and your dog do not acknowledge each other and this bothers you, feel free to mention it. In this case, say something like, "It would really mean a lot to me if you could be more warm towards Lana Dog Rey."

3

Address specific problems directly. The best way to deal with any issues that arise between a partner and your dog is by talking to your partner about it. If you notice your partner becoming inpatient around your dog, or your dog occasionally growling towards your doctor, ask your partner about it. For instance, say something like, “How have you and Princess Elizabeth been getting along lately?”[12]

Listen closely to what your partner has to say. If they don’t bring up a specific reason that they may be frustrated or admit to any tension with your dog, ask them something like, “Is there anything specific thing Elizabeth does that bothers you?”

Encourage your partner to share how they feel about your dog. Try something like, “I understand that being around a dog can be frustrating sometimes. The more I know about how you feel about it, the more I may be able to help.”

4

Get professional help. There are some issues that may indicate the dog needs more effective training. The fact of the matter is that a poorly-behaved dog can definitely be frustrating to deal with, even if their behavior doesn’t bother you personally. Additionally, any prolonged aggression from your dog needs to be addressed before your dog snaps at your partner or another human.[13]

Never allow your partner to be abusive towards your dog. While a dog’s aggression may be addressed through calm exposure to new people and experiences, a human’s aggression towards animals should simply not be tolerated.

Talk to your vet about different ways you can train your dog, or about how to look for a certified, experienced dog trainer.

5

Be willing to carry the responsibility of dog ownership. Ideally, you and a serious romantic partner will support one another’s interests, including taking care of a pet. However, it’s not necessarily fair to assume that your partner will want to help take care of a dog. If, for instance, they simply don’t like dogs, you shouldn’t expect them to want to watch your dog for you or take it on walks.[14]

In short, as a dog owner, it’s ultimately your responsibility to ensure that the dog’s needs are met. This may require you to do most of the chores involved with owning a dog, even if you share a home with an otherwise supportive partner.

Article Info

This article was co-authored by Pippa Elliott, MRCVS. Dr. Elliott is a veterinarian with over thirty years of experience. She graduated from the University of Glasgow in 1987, and worked as a veterinary surgeon for 7 years. Afterward, Dr. Elliott worked as a veterinarian at an animal clinic for over a decade.