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Plan A or B?

So tomorrow I have an appointment at the new therapy unit. It’ll be with someone from my old unit though and Brandon will work there aswell. I’ve got two plans.
By the way, I got to tell, my mood is kinda low. I feel really alone and misunderstood.

Plan A; Go there, throw myself at their shoes. Beg for a hug, and for them to listen to me. To give me some comfort. Cry because FINALLY there’s someone around who understands me and SEE’S me. Praise the Lord. Kiss the ground.

I’m really not kidding.

Plan B; Just do as I’m told. Act all cool. It’s an ‘official’ appointment. To see if they can do anything for me and stuff.. But anyway, don’t act all desperate.

Obviously plan A is all emotional an B all rational. Now where is C? A nice mix of both.

The appointment will be at 9.30 am. Right after that I’ll meet with some girls from my old therapy group, which probably will be good. They are more understanding.
I feel a major ocean of tears coming up. I better brace myself, and Brenda, although we’ll probably just entwine.

Why tear each other apart?
Please tell me why
Why do we make it so?
I look at us now
We only got ourselves to blame
It’s such a shame

So come and face me nowHere on this stage tonight

Let’s leave the past behind usWhat’s come between us?Only tear drops

It – honestly – breaks my heart, to stumble upon misunderstandings, or any kind of walls. Upon mouths being shut and heads being turned. Especially those who used to look and lend a hand.
And just to make it a little bit more painful, it only seems to break my heart.

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4 thoughts on “Plan A or B?”

well, if it was me, i would make my plan C where i try to be serious, calm and focused, and also willing to listen to input and suggestions. when you get to the part where they want to know about your history, your current state of mind, and your goals, go ahead, tell them you are so happy they are listening, so reassured they see you and your needs. and then tell them very honest and straightforwardly exactly how it has been for you in the past, currently and what you want to end up as. don’t mince words, or be afraid to say what your needs are and what you know works for you and what doesn’t. you’re the expert on you. but also, if you do tear up or get paralyzed or irritable, that’s ok too. because that is you, and they will not judge you for it. they will see it as symptoms, and it might help them understand even more.

so glad you are getting this appointment. and i totally understand the thing about walls or obstacles coming up that block you from what you know you need. that is my biggest trigger still! but its a little bit better every day.