It is fitting, in its way, that the UKIP symbol is a colophon of castration.

Recently, a survey of the sex lives of voters found that while Tory voters fantasise about sex with sports stars and little else (because it's all about medals for achievement and being better than everyone else), UKIP voters are generally lethargic and unfulfilled, with the exception of one thing: they go mad for a dildo.

They are looking for a replacement for the lost phallus: the lost British phallus.