This is a message from Muhammad ibn Abdullah, as a covenant to those who adopt Christianity, near and far, we are with them.

Verily I, the servants, the helpers, and my followers defend them, because Christians are my citizens; and by Allah! I hold out against anything that displeases them.

No compulsion is to be on them. Neither are their judges to be removed from their jobs nor their monks from their monasteries. No one is to destroy a house of their religion, to damage it, or to carry anything from it to the Muslims’ houses.

Should anyone take any of these, he would spoil God’s covenant and disobey His Prophet. Verily, they are my allies and have my secure charter against all that they hate.

Thinking over recent events, I have come to realize that the BBC have been wickedly exploiting and profiting from Jeremy Clarkson for years, while denying him treatment for his obvious disability. Nothing Clarkson has done is his fault. He is suffering from the crippling handicap of auto-ism.

A Clarkson Fund should be started today, to raise money to save other sad victims of this tragic malady.

So, extra UK troops are heading for the Falklands. A suspected NAZI hideout has been discovered in the jungle of North Argentina, close to the Paraguay border. A top police investigator was assassinated on the eve of announcing his findings in a hit made to look like suicide . . .