how to win this election

Either Trump or Hillary will win in a landslide if they have the courage to do one simple thing: disappear. Stop talking, tweeting, and teleprompting. Stay off radio, television, and the Internet. Don’t appear in public until after the election. Let the other person have all the attention, and there is no way you will lose.

Do not campaign with the president. That only reminds us why you lost before.

Do not campaign with senators and governors. That only diminishes them.

Do not tweet about bombings, disasters, or anything. If you’re tweeting you’re talking, and if you’re talking you’re losing.

Do not use email. You know why.

Do not tell us who you nominated for vice president. That is one more chance to say something stupid, racist, or condescending and fire up the other side.

Do not go to your party’s nominating convention. Send a surrogate whose speech consists of a single line, “Mr. Trump/Mrs. Clinton accepts your nomination to be President of the United States.”

The only thing you must show up for is the debate. But you are only there to provide a foil for the other candidate to talk to. Do not give an opening statement, and definitely do not give one in closing. Simply stand there and cede all your time to the other candidate. You will come off as wiser, abler, and more presidential. Trust me.

I doubt either Trump or Clinton has the discipline to disappear, so this election will continue to go back and forth. Most Americans are struggling to decide who not to vote for, and just when they’ve made up their minds, the other candidate talks.

This isn’t a typical election, and it won’t be won in a typical way. But the presidency can be yours, Mr. Trump and Mrs. Clinton, if only you have the courage to let us forget about you.