Monday, May 11, 2015

So, About Mother's Day

So yesterday was Mother's Day. And like most things with the word 'mother' in them, I feel the need to go on a small rant and once again bring to light that so many people are so narrow minded and ignorant when it comes to families in 2015. Yep, sorry, but it has to be said. I was going to just do a Facebook post, but I think there are some points that need to be made here.

See, last time I checked I didn't know that Mother's Day was a day just for biological parents. But it seems I missed the memo somewhere. I had never thought this, even well before I became a step-parent (and once again, I loathe the word 'step' anything). I thought in the year 2015, with all the different ways we make families - blended, adopted, biological and more - that we could all just celebrate Mother's Day and not have to put any focus on how someone 'became' a Mother.

So, in case you were confused, here is the definition of Mother:

It's a Noun. It includes:

1. a female parent
2. one's female parent
3. a mother-in-law, stepmother or adoptive mother
4. a term of address for a female parent or woman having or regarded having the status, function or authority of a female parent
5. a woman exercising control, influence or authority like that of a mother
6. something or someone that gives rise to or exercises protecting care over something else

I particularly like #4 and #6.

You see, I believe that giving birth in no way makes you a Mother. Giving birth has nothing to do with the act of being a Mom to someone. Here's how I know. A biological mother gave birth to some kids years ago but has made the choice to not participate in the act of mothering for over 6+ years. I however, did not give birth to our children, but I made a conscious decision to become a Mom to our kids 4 years ago and I mother them daily. See my point?

I was spoiled rotten on Mother's Day. My husband and kids celebrate me on this day every year. Because I am the woman in #4 from above. I don't want any kind of special attention because I took on this role in life, I just want people to understand I'm no different than the mother who gave birth and is raising her kiddo. I'm raising MY kiddos. Biology doesn't make a mom, dad, grandma or grandpa. Biology has nothing to do with being a parent.

Want further proof? Here's an excerpt from the letter I received from my oldest daughter yesterday:

'There are no words to describe how thankful I am to have you as my Mom, not 'step-mom.' Biology doesn't matter when it comes to us. Biology does not mean that you are not my Mom. God put you in my life for a reason, and I'm starting to understand why He did. To make my broken family whole again, to make me a better person and to hopefully become and amazing mother one day, just like you. Thank you for that all you've done for me Mom. All that 'behind the scenes' things that I couldn't see and all the love that you have shown me. Thank you for being the loving and caring person you are and thank you for being my Mom when you didn't have to.'

And as I type this and read her sweet words all over again, I am starting to realize one very important thing. It doesn't matter what you or any other people that are not a part of this family think (no offense). What matters is what my kids think. And my super amazing daughter has summed it up best. So, I will leave it at that.

I will leave it at knowing that I am so truly and abundantly blessed. God hand chose 4 kids for me to raise. And he blessed me beyond measure by doing so. So, Happy Mother's Day to me. And for all you confused people who still don't understand that biology doesn't make you a parent, I'm just sitting here SMDH.