Thursday, November 29, 2012

In moments of stress, times of unknown and when I am feeling down I have learned through yoga to return to my breath. Before I even connected with yoga I connected with this song and in moments of stress, times of unknown and when I am feeling down I listen to this song on repeat (sometimes it just repeats in my head).

Sunday, November 25, 2012

Things that I have felt in the past week: anger, sadness,
disappointment. One thing that yoga has
taught me is to honor all that presents itself.
While doing the asana (physical practice) I have really learned to do
this. In most classes there is at least
one instance where I feel sore, push myself to my limit or doubt my ability. A lot comes up both physically and emotionally and I choose to honor
all of it. By working on this in a safe
space that has been created allows me to take lessons learned off of the mat.

When anger, sadness and disappointment arose in me this week I reflected on why and what was coming up and breathed a lot and that helped me to get through each instance really quickly. One of the ways in which this manifested itself
this week was when I was angry about “having” (this is a choice I have made and
do not have to be doing this) to work this retail job I have found myself in,
angry because I was scheduled to work a Friday and Saturday night. I quickly realized I needed to get over myself, own my anger, process why and then not let it effect the job I was doing and the interactions I was having with others. Also, guess what Stacey you are working retail and you just may need to work a couple of weekend nights. Things were not horrible; I was bringing in
some income, and being treated quite well.
I spoke to my Manager and shared some of my stressors with having to
work a Friday evening; I start my Fridays at 5:30am when I head
out to hang out (remember I do not babysit) with these two little girls and
then drive them to school and I have filled my Fridays with a number of other
tasks. The next day I came in and she
had actually changed my schedule (for one week anyway). I
shared this story about being angry, owning it and moving through it quickly with someone who I have been getting support from and she made me pause for a second and clued me in to the fact that
I had a supervisor who for the first time in a while heard my needs and made some
changes to support me.

So not only am I über aware of my emotions and how to honor
them when they all come up, I have learned how to breathe in those moments, breathe in a way that is so deep, so cleansing and so helpful and as icing on the cake I am getting support from a source that I have not had much support from in quite some time.

I am grateful for all that I feel and I know with each emotion and situation I am in and react to comes another lesson that I am learning. So I say to you like Rumi; "invite them in."

The Guest House ~Rumi

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they're a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Thanksgiving is a time when many reflect on gratitude and give thanks. I try not to wait until this time of year to appreciate all that is precious in my life and in these past two months gratitude is nothing that I have been short of. I hope that all who have supported and been there for me know how grateful I am for them. I have had lots of time these days and reflect often on all of the things in my life that I am grateful for. The love that I have been shown, the ability to experience grace each day and the gratitude that I feel on a daily basis has brought much happiness into my life. This quote says it all to me:

"Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned , earned, worn or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace and gratitude."

~Dennis Waitley

Wishing all a Thanksgiving with tables overflowing with love, grace and gratitude.

Sunday, November 18, 2012

A yoga teacher of mine equated the process of soul searching
to unraveling and re-raveling. This made
me think of a time when my dog Shane had gotten in to my knitting and pulled
apart a large ball of yarn leaving it in a big unraveled, knotted mess on the
floor. I had to then decide if I was
going to scoop up the yarn and throw it in the trash or if I was going to take the
time to un-knot, re-ravel and re-purpose it into something even more beautiful
then I had intended before. As I have recently laid on
the floor as a big unraveled mess I have needed to make the decision to pick myself
up and start the re-raveling process.

I do feel like I have been unraveled, unraveled fully, stripped down bare, hit rock bottom all necessary in
order to re-ravel myself. This
unraveling process happened so quickly, quicker then I could have even imagined
possible. Much like that ball of yarn once unraveled, you
never can re-ravel it the same way. Have you ever tried to re-ravel a knotted
up pile of yarn. Well that is kind of
how I felt at the beginning of this journey; a big ball of knots (and that
is not even talking about the physical tension in my body). All of the threads are there and I am
bundling up the yarn and recreating, re-imagining what my story will look like. The yarn is the same but the way it is put
together is slightly different. I am the
same, but I am putting myself back together differently.

I have mentioned that I had been doing some things lately
that would not have been part of my daily routine just a few months ago. Well, this week I have another thing to add
to that list. I went to DC to assist my
friend and work a large scale event.
There were some moments of extreme chaos and the stress level of most of
the planning team was through the roof.
At one point as I was assisting with the seating chart I turned to the
woman who was in charge of this process and I suggested she paused and
breathed. She looked at me like I had
four heads and I realized quickly she was having none of that (at that
particular moment anyway). The next day
as things calmed a little and things were winding down this same woman turned
to me and told me that she appreciated the prior days interaction and she knew she could certainly use more of that, she
also told me that she appreciated my calmness throughout the chaos. We talked a bit about putting things into perspective and how I remain calm in times of high stress and chaos. A bit I equate to my yoga practice and a bit also has to do with working in some stressful situations in the past including helping students in crisis (this is where the perspective taking comes into play).

I share this as well as the unraveling because regardless of
how the pieces go back together or how the yarn re-ravels back, the yarn is
still the same. I am continuing to be
true to my integrity and to who is inherently me regardless of the situations I
have been finding myself in. Be it being
the calmness to an otherwise chaotic situation or lending an ear to one of my
young coworkers at my retail job I continue to seek out these opportunities to
let my true self shine. I continue to
utilize the strengths that I possess to better myself and those around me.

We all have times in our life that when we think things will
never be the same, life has changed and there is no turning back. As long as we are true to ourselves, live
with our integrity, the path with unfold and the yarn will re-ravel just as it
should even if it takes shape very differently.

Sunday, November 11, 2012

How
are you? Good enough. How are things? Good enough for now. This is the answer
that I have recently been giving to those questions that come in as just a passing
hello. And not in a way that is bitter, angry or even said with sadness, but
rather hoping to come across as being content with where I am right now. I have always been someone that when I ask
how you are I care and will make sure I have time to hear the true answer. I am also someone who will be as honest as I
can when responding.

Is
good enough for now good enough? I have
been contemplating contentment versus happiness. And is ‘just being content’ OK. Because really good enough in my book equals
being content.

When
I went to India some years back with a good friend we found a moment of silence
and calm amidst a very hectic and chaotic trip.
We were having a meal at an eco-village and my friend turned to me and
asked what I was thinking or how I was feeling and I said I had an overwhelming
feeling of contentment. She asked, just
contentment? I think of this
conversation often and really contentment is a great place to be. On some days this includes extreme moments of
happiness and on other days the contrary may be true. But all in all base line contentment really
is all that is necessary and I believe we have the power to define that as we
choose. If you take your mouse and right click on
the word contentment right now the second synonym that appears is
happiness. And if you right click the
word happiness the first synonym is contentment. To me contentment is a state of feeling
comfortable, safe and joyous (see I did not need to use the word happy). All of these things I have felt these past two months, almost more so then I had felt in the year prior (particularly once I figured out that I would be OK financially).

Yoga
has helped me to just be in this state of contentment. Allowed me to honor what comes up in the
moment and breathe through those difficult times. Yoga, both the physical practice and the practice I take off of the mat, has helped me to achieve this contentment at a time in my life when I would have thought that contentment would be unachievable.

“Be content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you.”

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

What an election year this has been and I am so happy with the direction that things have gone. Many victories for this country and especially for women. Here is to all the women in my life near and far!

Sunday, November 4, 2012

A few weeks ago I spent a Saturday afternoon washing
blankets at the laundromat for my yoga studio. I have made an arrangement to do ‘work trade' at the studio; I will clean
weekly and in return I can continue my practice. Not a bad deal at all! I had been feeling like I was taking
advantage of the arrangement that was given to me, and had been inquiring about other ways to help out so I agreed to wash the yoga
blankets at the laundromat. I had a
partner in crime and once he helped me unload everything he headed back to the
studio to work on cleaning the mats. I
thought this would be a great time for me to read, knit and grab a cup of
coffee. Not so much, I spent most of the
time playing the timing game, switching machines, loading and unloading and
trying not to piss off too many people with my 60 plus blankets consuming much
of the space.

I also did a whole lot of reflecting. I am not a huge fan of going to the laundromat, I have often
said that if you gave me a mattress and washer and dryer, you can call it an apartment and I would be set.I do not know if my issue with
the laundromat stems from when we sold my childhood house, moved into an apartment and it was the first time I had spent time at a laundromat.Regardless of why I have a
dislike for the laundromat I really was
fine spending my Saturday afternoon on this task.I feel like I have been given the gift of
yoga and if it means that 4 hours are spent to make the studio a better place
then so be it.I am proud of that space
and put care and concern in the weekly cleaning I am doing and did the same in
this weekend project.

A really fascinating part of my journey has been choosing to do things that in the past I may had avoided. I have been cleaning the studio weekly and
very thoroughly I may add. Now I would
not say that my apartment is dirty, but it is certainly not neat and really I clean on
an as needed basis, usually if someone is coming to visit. I am not a babysitter, but I will hang out (not babysit) with my friends’ kids sometimes and have recently been driving two little girls to school once a week. And kids; not always my thing particularly
when I have to wake up before the sun!

I have been volunteering (which I have loved) at the
Northampton Survival Center (a local food pantry) and I help people bring
groceries to their cars and a couple of times in the pouring rain. I like the rain from the comfort of my home but
being out in it and doing chores not so much.
I was not affected by it during these times. It was not something that I even took a
second thought about (until I am writing this now). I was grateful to
be there helping and hearing people’s stories and knowing that the work being
done at this center was such good work and that I had the opportunity to
contribute.

These experiences have also made me think back to a day I spent
volunteering at a Disabled Children’s Home in India, where conditions were not
ideal and in prior circumstances I would have been complaining. That day
I would not have wanted to be anywhere else.
You can read about this experience here: Chennai, India- Friday, March 12, 2010

All of these experiences have one thing in common. They have allowed me to feel like I am earning my
keep. Not just thinking about the
financial pieces but also my place. My place
in community, in society, and supporting my community that is supporting me,
sustaining my yoga practice and nourishing my soul.

Thursday, November 1, 2012

I have been thinking about this quote a lot lately as I have started a part-time seasonal job in retail: “If a man is called to be a street sweeper, he should sweep streets even as Michelangelo painted, or Beethoven composed music, or Shakespeare wrote poetry. He should sweep streets so well that all the hosts of heaven and earth will pause to say, here lived a great street sweeper who did his job well.” ~ Martin Luther King Jr.

I am working with some great people, some who, like me, are in it for the mean time, while others have dedicated their career to being great at retail and doing their jobs quite well. This is a momentary blip for me, something that I am ashamed to say I am struggling being embarrassed about. But when I see the passion, pride and fun that come into play daily in this unfamiliar work environment I am humbled more and more. I have said that it is not as important what I am doing but who I am surrounded by and this serves to prove that point. And though I do not think that I have been called to be a career retail employee for the mean time I will enjoy this positive environment that I have found myself in.PS Never thought I would be able to say I folded a Honey Boo Boo t-shirt!

The Poetry of Yoga

I have written a poem that has been published in this book!! The Poetry of Yoga is a ground breaking book anthology expanding the literary tradition of yoga to include the cultural perspective of the 21st century. A modern day collection compiled and edited by artist, poet, and yogi HAWAH, this second volume is distilled from over 1,900 pages of poetry, submitted from 19 countries. Fifty percent of ALL book sales are donated to the non-profit organization, One Common Unity. Their pioneering work brings non-violence through arts & music to inner-city youth.