EVENTS

Friday Limericks–Cars, Garages, Repairs, Payments…

…I just spent the morning–all of it–at the garage. The good news is that the car is now safe for my son to drive. The bad news is… well, you know what the bad news always is at the garage. It wasn’t quite a thousand, but it was within spitting distance. I bike to work, and one reason is that my bike, and all the repairs I have ever paid for on my bike, cost less over the past 10 years than this one visit to the garage just cost.

So I’m more than a little bit miffed

As I stare at my car on the lift

And the thought of expense

Makes me just a bit tense

As they call in the afternoon shift!

There’s a noise that the car always makes

As it pulls to the left, and then shakes–

It’s a terrible sound–

It goes “Yeah, that’s around

Seven hundred to drop on the brakes”.

The finale, that just gets my goat–

The mechanic gets ready to tote

Up the numbers, then sees

Some additional fees

Based on payments he needs for his boat!

(disclaimer: I actually do really like this mechanic and this shop. The last one, though…)

I suspect that this is a common enough theme that I can just leave it with three, and my amazing commenters will soon put me to shame!

Though I’m not old enoughI love all this car stuffI’m not quite sureOf things so obscureBut I find mechanics quite gruff.Not to say this is a bad thingI love a car whose engine singsBut I find sometimesBeneath all that grimeTheir brains are not quite in full swing.Though I do have to sayIf they should deign to repayMy opinion of themAnd also condemnEach other, it’d quite make my day.(And if I sound vindictiveMy opinion is restrictedOnly to storesI’ve encountered beforeAnd by you it has been contradicted.)

To get four new tires installed,The car shop I finally called,I asked, “Can you pleaseFind replacements for these?”For the rubber was totally bald!”The oil we also will change.We find it exceedingly strange:After eight thousand mile,You still took a while;What are you lady? Deranged?”Four tires, two belts, and the oil,Plus money for labor and toil.When he gave me my billAnd opened the till,From the price I did truly recoil.

Greetings! My name is Thomas, and if you follow the link you might be able to figure out why it’s got a different name.I’ve been puzzling together my first (here) limerick since last Friday — and then that second one just appeared as I was writing this.Thanks, Cuttlefish, for your outlook, your wonderful poetry, and for inspiring my poetic muse!An atheist Baltimore manWas surfing the ‘net with no planFound a poem one night,And laughed with delight,And now he’s a Cuttlefish fan!Fast, smooth, quiet — my car sure ain’t,And the price of fuel makes me feel faint,The brakes need repairing(And perhaps the rod bearings),But look — it’s got awesome paint!(No, really: http://www.readersadvice.com/museum/Jetta.html )

Ode to a 1990 Taurus(I no longer have this car, but its memory lives on.)Starting – for cars – is essential,Trustworthiness quite quintessential.I insist my car start Without stutter or fart – A requirement not inconsequential.So I bribed it with gifts, fine and classy,Like gas, oil and bling for its chassis.That sedan looked quite meekBut it masked a technique…To conspire with mechanics. How brassy!I bought it a spanking new starter.(‘Cause the garage did not countenance barter.)A mechanical dorkTried to rev up its torque, But no luck; it still acted the martyr!And when it became, like, all snooty,I lavished upon it more booty:A new engine block.(For that I sold stock!) ‘But it still didn’t give one darned hootie!That Taurus, a malingering faker! A devious, expensive heart-breaker.It had sleazy affairsIn mechanic-shop lairs, So I ditched that two-faced trouble maker!

Okay, for all you real poets out there…I know it’s not an ode; it’s a limerick. But “ode” has more literariocity, so I took just a little poetic license. So sue me! Hey, cars require a license, don’t they?