The inner contents of my head. Here be dragons.

Haunting me

Last night, after two days of feeling relatively better, I had another good day. I helped with the dancing exams and was pleased with how the children did.

It couldn’t last, could it?

My ex boyfriend had sent me an email. A long one, pretending to apologise and claiming he felt guilty about “how we’d split up”.

I was nearly sick. The emotions flooded me- horror, fear, shame, guilt, and I honestly felt like he was watching me. He still isn’t living very far away, and he dropped in a little comment about how where he lives now would be a perfect place for us to live.

He has no comprehension at all of the damage he’s done.

The stupid email was to “apologise” for breaking up!! Jesus, that was the best part of our relationship that last year! He has completely forgotten about the mental torture I underwent, the constant controlling behaviour, the doubt that has fostered in me and the guilt I feel. About leaving him, about the way I should have been better… Those horrible thoughts that I was wrong and he was right, and yes, it was all my fault.

I am so frightened. He’ll never stop now, I’m positive. I have nothing to go to the police with, and he knows where I live.

I’m so so frightened that I will never lose him. I’ve been running, and now he’s caught up with me.

If you keep on ignoring his attempts at contact he may soon get bored.I’d say block any means of contact, even if it means getting a new email address, just so you don’t even have to worry when you log on to your email account. x

I really really want him to just give the hell up. The last time he sent me anything, it was months ago, and I didn’t reply then either. I’m sure he does it to remind me he’s always there. Thanks so much for your advice x