Thursday, May 01, 2014

Walked out into the garage to get some cold drinks for my evening repose of news and baseball scores. Heard a hiss/slither near my feet, looked down expecting to see a mouse. Saw instead a copperhead, about three feet away, on the floor.

Went back inside, got the Remington 870. But of course the snake is in the garage, right beside the car. So I can't really shoot it. So I beat it into a pulp with a metal broom while also shrieking like a 13 year old girl at a Justin Bieber concert.

Not the most manly thing I've ever done, but the snake is dead. About 18 inches long, not a big copperhead but plenty big enough. He was sitting right where the dogs run past for their evening constitutional, too.

We just got lucky, I guess. The snake, not so much. I think I'm going to have 5 or 6 of those cold drinks, now.

I, myself, have heard, "Hey, get a mopina and clean that up!" more than a few times. (As always, the "a" at the end, like ricotta, pronounced "rigot" in Southern Italiy/Sicily, is dropped: mopeen).

(Some other interesting background. For example, I have heard the phrase "chigoots" or something like that. It turns out that is "che cazzo vuoi," which in Southern Italy/Sicily slang is shortened to "chigoots" because the c becomes a g, or almost a g. It means, literally, "What the penis do you want?" but colloquially can be used in many contexts, such as "What are you doing? You are an idiot! Get away from me!" Now THAT is a phrase that will come in handy, people.)

You have to like:
1. The "honor system" checkpoints, just on the one main road
2. The lady who gives directions to the target
3. The polite policeman who explains "It is not allowed."
4. The frightened policemen who say, "We have pistols."
5. The "Fight Club" as idiot juveniles reference, just for Scott de Marchi
6. The ribbons. They put ribbons on the antenna, fercrissakes.

5. Stop asking her when she is having a baby. I'm getting a little sick of this whining thing, like it's just so hard to decide. Decide. And then STFU. Of course, she is quite right be chapped when people rudely ask her about it. But it sounds like the reason she is mad is that she just doesn't want to have to decide. That is NOT right.

Sunday, April 27, 2014

As far as I can tell, everyone in Deerfield Beach, FL is from NY or Canada. Of course you only HEAR the New Yorkers, because they are so loud, and distinctively incapable of speaking grammatical English.

Still, the point is that there is not really much danger here. It is about as whitebread a place as there can be (some of the whitebread is unleavened, but still, this is not a dangerous place).

So...why in the world do they have this thing?

The answer, of course, is because they can-can-can. I like the "Tonka" truck sticker on the hood.

Then, check out this "pursuit" vehicle.

Note the "confiscated" sticker. They are actually proud that they stole it. Impressive! Photo credits: The LMM.

An "urban legend" is when there is this "fact" which, on examination, turns out not really to have a source. People who at first assert the "fact" with great confidence, as if they themselves saw, experienced, or heard the thing, quickly back off, and admit it was a FOAF, or a cousin's friend's hairdresser.

So, hearing we were visiting Deerfield Beach, three people told us to check out a GREAT restaurant, The Whale's Rib. On the menu, on the website, and pretty much everywhere there is a flat surface, TWR reminds you that Guy Fieri visited for "Triple D."

1. We were told the wait would be 30 minutes. The actual wait was 50 minutes, and the reason was that "We had to seat a party of 25 ahead of you." Did you, now? It was just a fib.

2. They have stone crab on the menu. That's the reason I went. I really like fresh stone crab. But the waitress said that there was no stone crab. Even though the menu said they DO have stone crab, until May 15. This was April 26, mind you. The reason was that "All we have is frozen, and we don't serve frozen fish!" Don't you, now? It was just a fib.

3. So I ordered the oysters Rockefeller. $12 for six anemic oysters that had been allowed to get cold. Tiny little useless lumps. Given that oysters Rockeller stays hot for a really long time, it required a bit of effort to leave these on the counter instead of serving them.

Okay, three strikes. However.....

4. I also ordered the rock shrimp. The rock shrimp were room remperature, and the drawn butter was room temperature. But the rock shrimp were so rockin' wonderful it really didn't matter. Top five seafood dish, all time, even with the problems. I mean, seriously, fantastic. Just wonderful. Perfectly cooked.

5. The LMM had blackened tilapia. It was also just warmer than room temp, but it was very tasty. In fact, very VERY tasty according to the LMM.

6. They serve water, if you ask for it, in a medium size plastic pitcher with a straw. I suggest that this innovation is AMAZING. You don't have to keep asking for water, and the ice actually melts so that they are not constantly pouring 2 tablespoons of water on top of pure ice.

Overall, and given that it was Saturday night in a tourist area, I'd say this is a "B." Not very good, but probably pretty much what it aspires to be. And my understanding from a FOAF is that the grilled or fried mahi is worth the trip also. It's a "fact."