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"Life always offers you a second chance, it's called tomorrow...the past cannot be changed, forgotten, edited, or erased...it can only be accepted."

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

You hit rock bottom and all they give you is a jackhammer

I post a lot about music…but I think that’s just because it really has been a big part of my life. I find comfort and a calming feeling from listening to certain songs. For some reason Rascal Flatts are a big part of that. There are two songs that I listen to when I need a little push to move forward and to keep my head up. It’s strange…I feel stronger when I think about things, while listening to these songs.

There’s the song “I’m Moving On” that they recently came out with. “I've dealt with my ghosts and I've faced all my demons
Finally content with a past I regret
I've found you find strength in your moments of weakness
For once I'm at peace with myself
I've been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too long
I'm movin' on”

(Obviously this song is more reflective to me. It helps me look back on all the bad things that have happened, and see how they’ve affected me in a positive way. The beginning is talking about ghosts and demons, and I feel like that’s the process I’m in right now. I’m spending time facing the things that I’ve always tried to avoid. Instead of running away from the problems, I’m finally being honest with myself and facing them head on. The line “finally content with a past I regret” gets me every time. I feel like there is no better way to word how I feel about my past. In ways I do regret things in my past. I regret that there was no way to make things better, and that I was stuck in situations. But at the same time, I am working so hard to be content with it. To realize that it will always affect me, but that I wouldn’t have all that I have, and be all that I am without it. There’s no escaping it, and that’s ok. A quote I’ve mentioned before, and that is all over my blog is a perfect example. “Life always gives us a second chance, it’s called tomorrow. The past cannot be changed, forgotten, edited, or erased, it can only be accepted.” Being at peace with myself is the ultimate goal. I may not ever be happy about the things that have happened, but I can strive to finally be at peace with myself, flaws and all.)“I've lived in this place and I know all the faces
Each one is different but they're always the same
They mean me no harm but it's time that I face it
They'll never allow me to change
But I never dreamed home would end up where I don't belong
I'm movin' on”

(This part just reminds me of living in the past. I don’t see it as referring to where I live by location…but rather where my thoughts live. I know all the faces from my past, whether it be family or the people I chose to surround myself with for a long time, I know them all too well. Those people may have changed, or my relationships with them changed, but I still saw the same way. I didn’t take their changes into consideration, and I’ve spent a lot of time letting people walk all over me. I’ve also spent a lot of time not staying close to the people who truly care. The next part about facing it, just says to me that I will never change myself if I don’t let the past go. I’ve been “home” my entire life…but didn’t feel like I belonged. Things were always so crazy…I never felt ready to settle myself down.)I'm movin' on
At last I can see life has been patiently waiting for me
And I know there's no guarantees, but I'm not alone
There comes a time in everyone's life
When all you can see are the years passing by
And I have made up my mind that those days are gone

(This entire verse is now. The things I can see on my horizon…this beautiful life that came from disaster. Part of it is my trust in God…as the song says, there isn’t a guarantee, but I have the option to trust the life that’s laid out for me. There are so many amazing things right in front of me, if I just take advantage of it. Live for the future…instead of living in the past. The time has come, where I can see other people’s lives moving on…and I feel like I’m stuck in neutral. I have to stop waiting for life to “start”. It has started…and I need to catch up to enjoy it. The days of waiting around are gone.)“I sold what I could and packed what I couldn't
Stopped to fill up on my way out of town
I've loved like I should but lived like I shouldn't
I had to lose everything to find out
Maybe forgiveness will find me somewhere down this road
I'm movin' on”

(I may not be packing up and moving, but my thoughts are. The third line in this verse really says a lot to me. “Loved like I should but lived like I shouldn’t”…to me describes how I acted for a long time. And how I still do something. I put a lot on the line for a lot of people that I shouldn’t. I “fell in love” all the time, and put my heart out to be crushed continuously. You’re supposed to find the people you can trust, and hold on to them. And instead I threw myself at tons of people…knowing I would end up hurt. I didn’t live for me…I lived for others. And I can honestly I lost a lot. I’m lucky to have a great family that stood behind me…but I lost a lot of friends…and I lost my mind. I fell to a place so dark that I felt I had nothing to live for. Yet here I am…finally seeing everything I do have.)

This post has turned into me talking a lot more than I’d originally planned to…but it’s what happens when I just let my fingers type whatever is currently going on in my brain. And trust me…there’s a LOT going on in there. I would hate to see what the inside looks like…who knows what you’d find in there if you went digging. But anyways…I’ve just been listening to this song a lot lately because it says everything I’m going through so well. Words it better than I think I ever could.

I also mentioned the song “Stand.” This song gives me a sense of strength, and makes me feel ten times better about myself when I’m upset. It’s kind of like a pep talk in a song…reminding me that I’m stronger than I think I am.

“You feel like a candle in a hurricane
Just like a picture with a broken frame
Alone and helpless
Like you've lost your fight
But you'll be alright, you'll be alright

Cause when push comes to shove
You taste what you're made of
You might bend, till you break
Cause it’s all you can take
On your knees you look up
Decide you've had enough
You get mad you get strong
Wipe your hands shake it off
Then you Stand, Then you stand

Life's like a novel
With the end ripped out
The edge of a canyon
With only one way down
Take what you're given before its gone
Start holding on, keep holding on

Cause when push comes to shove
You taste what you're made of
You might bend till you break
Cause it's all you can take
On your knees you look up
Decide you've had enough
You get mad, you get strong
Wipe your hands, shake it off
Then you stand, then you stand

Every time you get up
And get back in the race
One more small piece of you
Starts to fall into place”

In all reality, this song doesn’t need any commentary from me. It’s pretty clear the message it sends, and the thoughts it puts in your head. Sometimes there’s nothing you can do about what life throws at you. Most times there’s only so much you can do to change your situation…and the rest of it lies in the cards you were dealt. You have 2 options…face it or avoid it. This song is all about facing it, and how you’re strong enough to deal with it. “You get mad you get strong, wipe your hands shake it off.” When it comes down to it, you have an inner strength that will come out. I know I do. I feel like I’ve hit my breaking point, and then something else happens, and somehow I deal with it. There are times where I break…but just like the end of the song “every time you get up and get back in the race, one more small piece of you starts to fall into place,” you can benefit from those times where everything has gone wrong. It isn’t easy. But once you’ve hit rock bottom the only way to go is up. (Granted, sometimes at that point it seems like life enjoys tossing us a jackhammer…for a real laugh at our expense…but that’s beside the point).

I’m done babbling for today. I appreciate anyone who’s made it all the way through this post. It was just on my heart today so I went for it.

2 comments:

i hope it helps when listening to these songs knowing that the person who wrote and/or sang them at some point (may not be the same situation) was feeling close to the way you were feeling when listening, goes to show you arent alone in any of it kat!

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People said I should keep my life experiences to myself because they were "shocking and personal." I said screw that.
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