Welcome to Toronto Sun Cover Reviews, a blog on which I post daily reviews of Toronto Sun covers.

Monday, April 5, 2010

5 April 2010

Front and centre: An Easter miracle! Please take a private moment to reflect on what's going on here. The Sun has chosen to celebrate Easter Monday with a front page story story about Col. Russell Williams, an accused murderer (and sex criminal!) who tried to take his own life in prison over the weekend. We are even told that the Colonel composed a suicide note on his jail cell wall in mustard, which everyone knows is the worst condiment to use if you want to be taken seriously (relish is generally considered to be the standard suicide note condiment). Yikes! My one complaint: the Sun failed to make the obvious COLONEL MUSTARD connection. Maybe tomorrow?Above: Toronto's favourite Slovenian bicycle thief, Igor Kenk, is in the news again--and not a moment too soon! Ontario's Attorney General is donating hundreds of bikes Igor stole to needy children, which makes Igor a sort of creepy Slovenian Robin Hood. The man in this picture is Spiro Papathanasakis, the executive director of the Cabbagetown Youth Centre. Also, the lottery winners won't stop bragging about their win. We get it, guys.Beneath: "We're classic bakers," says Country Style. Better not let Colonel Williams get near all that raw dough or he'll go and bake himself a coffin.Summary: A deranged Colonel. A bearded man. A rustic bakery. If you can think of a better way to spend Easter Monday I'd like to hear it. Congratulations, Toronto Sun!

Why?

The Toronto Sun is the city of Toronto's most reactionary/hilarious newspaper, with a broad readership that includes everyone from old men who wear track pants and fish in the Don River to young women with Support Our Troops tramp stamps.