Whether you missed the news this week while nursing your tequila-induced hangover, post-#Maypac wallet or a new baby (HAYY royal family), no worries: we mixed up a tasty batch of headlines on the rocks for you:

They say compatibility can be measured by affinity for scary movies, but we’d like to propose a new question: is the McDonald’s revamped Hamburglar hot, creepy or actually a blue and black dress?

Carly Fiorina officially entered the 2016 presidential race, and so emerged a new PR attack tactic: the “Emoji Graveyard.”

To all of the wannabe bloggers out there afraid of taking the plunge who instead use Yelp to post self-indulgent, quixotic passages about every manicure and latte they purchase: get a Tumblr. The end may be nigh.

Meanwhile, as corporations get cozy with English literature, the peasants have moved on to a new lingua franca, and it looks something like kissy face-frog-eggplant-flying money.

While those were the headlines we were particularly partial to this week, let us know if there’s a story we missed via Twitter, or carrier pigeon-note crafted in all Emoji (a startup idea we’d invest in).