Perhaps like me, you have been lumbering around town a few times a week, racking up as many shin splints and stress fractures as possible in an effort to one day be that insufferable dinner party patron who won’t shut up about Kinesiology tape and that time they saw Jesus during mile 11.

This will be my first half-marathon, a feat of stubbornness more than strength. It’s also due, in large part, to $300 worth of insoles, compression sleeves and stability shoes from On the Run — I haven’t spent this much money to be uncomfortable for three hours since the last time I flew United to Cleveland.

The Gusher starting line. cat5 file photo

I’m sure the feeling that washes over me after I finish that 13.1 miles will be unlike anything I’ve felt before — like getting hit by a truck, if getting hit by a truck could feel uplifting. But in order to get me there, I’m going to need some jams.

Here’s my Holy $*!& I’m Running 13 Miles playlist on Spotify if you’re looking for a mix of dancy/angry/dancy again music to get you through the Gusher, or any last-minute training:

Good luck, runners. May the wind be at your back and your chafing be minimal.