In the hardest hitting Bwog article of the year, Carman resident Grant Menendez SEAS ‘19 revealed his plans to masturbate himself into a coma over spring break. “I’m thrilled about the prospects of a whole week without a roommate,” Menendez stated in the piece. “I have been preparing myself both mentally and physically to jerk off to a potentially fatal degree. I am aware of the risks involved, and I am ready for the consequences.” As of press time, the Guinness Book of World Records had not yet responded to Menendez’ request to have a Guinness official present.