Thursday, August 19, 2010

Yesterday, I went out to the garage to find...actually, I have no idea what I was looking for. It's the garage, so the odds of me ever finding what I'm after are the same as the odds I'll give up romance writing in favor of drafting texts on quantum harmonic oscillators.

Sometimes I like to just walk out there and stare at the shelves while scowling because that's what I see Pythagoras do from time to time (after which he stalks off to Home Depot to buy something else to set on the shelves and scowl at).

So there I was, staring and scowling, when I noticed that nearly everything on these shelves sounds dirty. Don't believe me? Consider the evidence:

I wasn't aware I had a stripper in my garage, let alone America's #1 stripper. I feel so fortunate.

Spray lubricant? Because sometimes the tube or the bottle just isn't quick enough?

You know, I think I just won't touch this one.

And here I was naively trusting Pythagoras' vasectomy to keep me safe, and all along we've had miracle impregnator on the premises?

I don't know about you, but I'm pleased to know my wood finish penetrates. Not so happy about the staining, however.

So there are just a few things in my garage that sound dirty but probably aren't. Do you have similar products lying around your house? I challenge you to look at them in a new (and preferably demented) light.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go rifle through the bathroom drawers. There's gotta be something good in there.

32 comments
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LOVE IT! What a filthy collection of items! I must say I do enjoy that you look for the filth in everything...I thought it was just me!

What I like especially is the order of items presented...first you strip, then you lube,then you clean the rim, then you ...ahh Wood Finish belongs here, to penetrate, then impregnate. Beautiful. You've written an erotic romance in industrial materials.

The fact that most original mechanical engineers were male was very clear.

All things that slot in are referred to as male and all things that are slotted into, female.

Terms like male screw thread raised snickers all semester long. What made this cute instead of annoying was that quite a few of my class mates got a little red around the ears whenever any of the terms came up.

For example, husband was reading aloud from one of his favorite books (a fantasy/sf series) in which one of the characters has a premonitory dream and described it as follows:"She remembered seeing Mat in her dream. He yelled 'I'm coming! I'm coming!' but she could not understand why he seemed to be looking at her when he said it."

Now I lmao'd at that. Husband was exceedingly puzzled as to why I thought it was so damn funny. He knew that "mat" was going to rescue her from a kidnapper. That is so not what I was thinking when I was laughing.

Other than some mixed nuts in the pantry, nothing is jumping out at me right now. However, I remembered seeing this webpage, and thought you'd like it: http://hubpages.com/hub/Funny_Food_Names_-_List_and_Pics

For work I type medical reports. Once I needed to find a particular model name of an item used in a tonsillectomy surgery. The item name ended with "mouth gag" and so I googled it. I don't think I really need to go more in detail with this story :)

Jemi Fraser, have you ever read Diana Gabaldon's OUTLANDER series? The swoon-worthy hero has a name that's very similar to yours. I always think of him when you comment :)

Brenda Sedore, wait, so are you saying I'm the only pervert here?

Brenda, (wow, two Brendas in a row, what are the odds?!) You know what's funny? That's the photo I ALMOST didn't include because I thought it might be going a little too far with the crude humor. Then I figured only the serious perverts would get it anyway, and if you're a serious pervert...well, you're not likely to be offended, are you?

vanessapnoble, OMG, that's hilarious! My dad (a middle school teacher) was trying to show one of his students how to google information on jet-skiing for a report he was doing for English class. They mistakenly used the phrase "water sports" as a search term. Suffice it to say, they saw a whole lot of stuff unsuitable for a middle school report.

Claire Dawn, no kidding, the impregnator was the last thing I spotted on the shelf. I giggled for a long time.