"The Confession" (backpost)

J'Loni finally got herself together after crying herself silly and nearly causing her seratonin levels to go haywire. Changing her uniform and composing herself she headed for the CIO's office to talk with Kerr. It had to be done and she was the only one that could help herself.

Arriving at his door, she took a deep breath and hit the door chime.

Inside his office, Finchley was finishing reading the information on the PADD he had in his hand when the office chime sounded. Placing the PADD screen down on the desk, he glanced to the side and saw on the screen that it was the ships Chief Engineer, Lieutenant Commander Mo'Bri. He reached over and tapped a COMM button on the screen and said "Come in Commander Mo'Bri."

J'Loni walked in, "Thank you for seeing me Commander Kerr.

"Please, have a seat" Finchley said, gesturing to the chair opposite him, "How can I be of service to you today Commander?"

"I don"t quite know where to start or how", she said, her gaze shifting to the floor. She was nervous and a bit scared. However she had to confront this head on. "I needed to speak with you about what happened on the mission.....with the borg", she said in a pained tone.

"If it helps at all, I've always found that speaking from the heart and saying what's on your mind helps" Finchley answered.

Short of losing control of her emotions, she took a big breath and began, "Well Commander, I could sense the crew of the Clipper and it was so intense that it affected me badly. I have been up against the Borg on a different ship and the empathic experiences were.....well.....horrible. It was almost as if I could feel what was happening. When I felt the Clipper's crew's empathic emotions it was like living it all over again!", J'Loni said in a hushed tone. "I could sense the deception in the Borg drone that was the leader and I warned of his deception. I am a dedicated officer and that dedication for me means that I serve this ship and the safety of her crew. I take it seriously and for me to lose one of the crew, when I know the danger is real......", she hesitated, "for me it is my job to save that crew member. I know it sounds strange coming from a seasoned officer but I was determined not to lose another.....you.....to the Borg. When I realized what you were willing to do, it tore me apart cause I felt that I had failed in my job. When they were going to assimilate you I tried desperately to get you back and when you did come back.....you died! I felt you die and......well.......that is what sent me over the edge", she finished, burying her face in her hands, quietly sobbing.

For J'Loni to recount what she felt and what she experienced could only be said of a dedicated friend and crewmember. That mission was hurtful and the experiences she went through would in all likelihood be repeated again in her life on the Lantau. It was something she and the captain had previously discussed and she had to confront her own feelings by speaking to Cmdr. Kerr.

Finchley saw the inner turmoil J'Loni was going through by the emotions she was showing.

"I completely understand what you mean Commander, and believe me, if there had been another way out of the situation, I'd have taken it" Finchley began "however, we required an immediate solution and this was the only one I knew could come close to working. There wasn't time to debate it, it just had to be done, and I was scared...beyond belief. However, many years of Starfleet and Intelligence training allowed me to keep focused and carry on with the situation. I'm sorry you went through hell emotionally and mentally, and I'm sorry that I 'died', however, the situation resolved, the nano-probes did their job, kept me alive, repaired my damaged organs and allowed me to live."

Composing herself slightly, "Cmdr. Kerr, I was in sickbay when your friend came in and saw how it affected her. I felt her pain and loss. I know I would be asking much but.....as a friend and fellow officer......don't die again please. To lose you a second time would tear my heart to shreads. To lose someone I have grown close to is.......", hanging her head for fear she let her emotions show Kerr just how close she had become with him.

Finchley reached out his hand and placed it on J'Loni's arm saying "Karadis reacted the way she did because we've serve together a long time, and she was one of the few survivors, along with myself, from when the USS Frannery crew were captured and tortured by 'The Collective'. We made a pact not to talk, no matter how much they tortured us, and heaven knows how, but we kept it. She's always seen me as someone she needs to protect, and this was the first time I'd ever gone on an away mission without her. When I told her she couldn't come, she'd gotten pretty angry, so to calm her down I'd promised her I'd come back alive. Unfortunately, I hadn't seen the consequences of what would happen between the Borg nano probes and the virus I'd had injected into myself, so when I died on the biobed in sickbay, to her, I'd broken my promise. I also see now how her reactions and raw emotions affected you, and for that I'm truly sorry. It's never our intention die when any of us go on an away mission, but I also knew when we were in that position with the Borg that in order to give the USS Clips crew and the USS Lantau crew a fighting chance someone had to do something drastic. I'm really really sorry for putting you through the mental stress you've endured, and I promise that from now on, I'll try to make sure I come back from any future away missions alive....or die trying" he laughed.

Trying to hide the few tears but succeding she wasn't sure if she should just come out and say how she felt about him or not.

He gently lifted J'Loni's face up with his hands "Listen, I fully appreciate our close friendship, it means so much to me, you'll probably never know how much. If there's anyone I can place my trust in with my life, it's you."

Eyes glazed by her tears and looking into his eyes, the sincerety in his voice eased her anxiety enough for her mind and heart to say what was there. "Cmdr. Kerr, I never knew that I could feel what I feel about you. In the time we have neen together on this ship, I not only have grown to respect and admire you but......there is a place in my heart for you. Cmdr. Kerr......I have actually begun to have feelings for you beyond a simple friendship", she said hoping it wasn't going to blow up in her face.

Finchley smiled warmly at J'Loni on hearing this and replied "Well, that makes two of us then Commander, what should we do about it?" he teased. He looked unblinkingly deep into her eyes and then found he was moving his head very slowly towards her own. He angled his head slightly, and as their lips got closer he whispered "May I kiss you...Commander?"

"I thought you would never ask", she whispered, allowing their lips to lock as she closed her eyes. The kiss was passionate and there was feeling behind the kiss. Feelings that were long forgotten suddenly arose. J'Loni just let it happen.

Her thoughts went back to their first meeting and how she felt then. Her life was falling apart and she was trying to cope with that ontop of everything that was happening and now she came to the realization that she was falling for Kerr.

When the kiss finished, Finchley moved his head back so he could look at J'Loni "This wasn't quite what I'd expected when you came in to see me" he smiled warmly, "however, I can't deny that I've always found you strikingly beautiful, but I was never able to say anything...until now that is."

Her heart skipped a beat when he said that. "Couldn't tell you openly Commander until now.....I find you very handsome and very galant and sensitive. All the things I have lost....all the good things that have been taken away.....somehow you have unknowingly given them back to me", J'Loni said softly, looking him in the eyes.

"Well, I'm very happy to know that" he said, moving his head back closer to J'Loni. Their lips barely touched as Finchley teased her, brushing his tenderly over hers. Finchley could feel his heart beating faster and his emotions being stirred, it had been a long time since he'd been intimate with someone. Their lips locked and they kissed deeply and passionately again. Finchley's hand moved up to tenderly caress J'Loni's cheek and then he pushed it up towards her temple and through her luscious hair. He gently pulled his head back when the kiss was over, smiled and said "Well...Commander, I think we can honestly say that we've both expressed our feelings regarding the mission and it's aftermath. I think we should take more time and explore fully how we can help each other, what are your thoughts?"

"I would like that very much. May I see you again Commander?", J'Loni asked softly.

Finchley smiled warmly at J'Loni and nodded in agreement, saying "Absolutely". He watched as she rose from her seat and left his office, and he found his heart was still beating fast. He hadn't felt like this for some time, and he found himself still smiling...