After my annual "WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH MY ACCOUNT WHY WON'T MY PASSWORD WORK WHAT THE FUCK" followed by remembering that I have to actually renew my membership, well I'm back. I hope you enjoyed your vacation, now get back on your best behavior.

I decided to slink back to Tinder and Bumble because it had been long enough and I'd forgotten why I stopped using them. The fact that the last girl I went on a date with has had time to have a baby with someone since then has been weighing on my flimsy self esteem.

Good news, I remembered why I stopped using them in record time. My...