Crazy Things About Hollywood the Hobo

Hey, All. Fredward here. I don't know why I wrote that, I hate the name Fredward. Let me start over.

Hey, All. Freddie here. Ahhh... that's better. Okay, so you remember that hobo we met outside our motel in Hollywood? The one named Hollywood? Well, Hollywood liked to talk about himself. A lot. One night he just started rambling on for hours. It was really annoying. We told him to shut up so we could sleep, but he wouldn't. So I decided if I couldn't get him to shut up, I'd at least get a blog out of his insane ramblings. So here it is, for your amusement:

1. Hollywood thinks underwear is a conspiracy created by laundry detergent companies to sell more bleach. 2. Hollywood won this year's "Beard of the Year" contest. They offered him either $500 or a year's supply of fancy cheeses. He chose the fancy cheeses. 3. Hollywood started taking oboe lessons so he could start a band called "Hobos with Oboes," but no other hobos were interested. 4. Most people have a five-second rule when it comes to eating food that has fallen on the ground. Hollywood believes anywhere from five seconds to five weeks is fair game. 5. Hollywood believes the best things in life are free. That's why he hasn't paid for ANYTHING since he bought that ticket to "Cats" on Broadway in 1982. 6. Hollywood says, "Showering would wash away my manliness." 7. Hollywood doesn't understand why knives, forks or chopsticks were invented. He says, "Hands do the job of eatin' stuff just as good." 8. Hollywood says, "Dirt is makeup for men -- it hides blemishes like nothin' else!" 9. Hollywood says, "Any moron can have a job. It takes a special person NOT to have one!" 10. Hollywood knows how to ask for change in 12 languages. He put this on his resume under "Special Skills."