copyranter

About Me

The Best Ad Critic In The World™ (™ pending), also a damn good copywriter with 20+ years experience in NYC. Hire me for your in-house creative department, and I will help you make better, funnier, more interesting, and more effective ads/branded content. Samples/resume available upon request. Salary request is very reasonable.

Subway Signs Punked.

(click images for closer look)Thesubwayplatformads aren't the only targets of NYC's various subterranean cut and paste parodists. Here, the MTA's innocuous subway signage gets childish makeovers. (L) Via Poster Boy NYC—having spent parts of about 20 summers on city trains, I can safely say that this command will be duly obeyed by many riders. (R) Snapped on an A train by the archeress—with the MTA cutting essential services left and right these days, I for one would have to strongly protest the spending of my fare money and taxes on such a frivolous, female amenity.

Fake American Apparel Ad Artist Sexes Up Mo Pitkin's.

(click image for closer look)With what appears to be a big sticker, our insatiable merry NYC AA prankster takes over the window of the shuttered Mo Pitkin's House of Satisfaction on Avenue A. The "We're coming" headline is from this AA ad announcing the retailer's entry into the Japanese market. Of note is the bush peek: In the past, the artist's line-drawn models have always been completely, baldlyBrazilian. (image via, as usual, stereo hell, where you view another recent fake AA ad featuring an ass-sniffing Chihuahua)

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: It's Sexual "Episode" Friday.

UK Army recruitment ad looks like a little body bag.

(click image for closer look)The UK Army is looking for a few directionless men (and women). And, just in case these rutted individuals didn't already feel fucking depressed enough about their bleak lives to call, text, or click, Publicis London made the double-page recruitment ad a pure, deep, heavy, textured BLACK. —which, as mentioned, looks quite a bit like a body bag. Art directors love them some black, don't they? Go from a rut to a hole, mate. previous armed forces recruitment ads: become part of our impenetrable shield; Me Tarzan. You Jane. Army Strong. Commercial Weak. An army of one model/actress; and the Swedish army's bizarre recruitment TV spots.

Harvey Nichols: the standard by which all other retail fashion ads should be judged.

(click ads for closer look)For years now, the upmarket UK department store's ads have simply been the best in the world. Having myself worked on a retail fashion account, it's nice to see a client that's willing to take chances with their layouts. This campaign, via DDB London, is mediocre compared to past efforts, but it's still far superior to the usual American Gap crap. Locally, Daffy's has made some efforts over the years to rise above, but still—no comparison. Not that Harvey Nicks hasn't had the occasional embarrassing misstep (example).

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: ABSOLUT POETRY.

Varvatos continues desperate NYC cool grab.

(click ad for closer look)First, after much fumigating, he set up shop in the carcass of CBGB. Now, he's opportunistically shot himself an edgy ad (underpants!) in front of the soon-to-be carcass of Florent, the last speck of dead coolness from the former meatpacking now meatheadpacking district. You're trying too hard, JV! Now: Iggy Pop was a smart move. Damn smart. You should have kept shooting him. But then, Velvet Revolver? And then this stupid Converse "GetChucked" collaboration? Dude, just start a bad, aging white guy should-have-beens rock band and stop it! (scanned from this week's Time Out New York) related: I may have killed CBGB with this ad. Full disclosure: I own one Varvatos shirt. I've been to both Florent and CBGB several times, but not in the last 10 years (because I'm so fucking cool). I've slept with Iggy.

Monday, June 23, 2008

Army Wives poster suicide bombed.

(click poster for closer look)NYC subway pranksters, who recently remixed The Happening into The Crapening and The Penis and turned Get Smart into Wet Fart, have graduated from 8th grade and moved on to high school poli sci class. I give him a B+.Army Wives just started its second season on Lifetime. (images, except The Penis, via Poster Boy)

creative classroom with copyranter: Mugabe campaign poster.

(click poster to read)Though his opponent has quit the race because the reigning despot was basically threatening to kill every person who didn't vote for him, let us still examine Robert Mugabe's plucky-but-ugly campaign poster.Since present conditions in Zimbabwe suck dirt, Mugabe understandably decided to focus on the past to fire up some patriotism, while also reminding the ungrateful citizenry that it is because of HIM that they've been independent since 1980. However, R-Mug's no idiot; he realizes that the downtrodden people need some assurance that the future is going to be better. And, like any good politician, he addresses this need with a slogan that promises absolutely nothing. But "all good things are possible" is maybe the worst campaign slogan ever recorded. It's even weaker than 2005 NYC mayoral hopeful Freddy Ferrer's. Mugabe might have done better by taking note of the brutally honest slogan used by fellow African autocrat Charles Taylor that got him reelected in a landslide in 1997.Art direction-wise, the layout is an absolute mess. I do dig the image of the English colonial being lugged around by the enslaved natives, but I would have made it much larger while decreasing the size of the Mugabe photo (which is how old, Robert? Tsktsk.). I like the "100% Empowerment" call-out, though I would have mimicked American sales circulars and placed it inside a brightly-colored starburst. But the poster's visually torturous—way too much copy, and all the competing typefaces/colors/weights are headache-inducing.So overall, I give it a D, especially since a subsidiary of Y&R has been assisting Mugabe. previously in political slogans: ANTI-BUSH, PRO-COCK; Nikita Krushchev—"Politicians are the same all over..."

Friday, June 20, 2008

Link Haze, 6/20/08.

• High heels for baby girls (or boys) who can't walk yet. Ha? (link)• Hongo Killer, an ad icon you're probably not familiar with yet. (link)• Astro Boy's being made into a movie...bombs away! (link)• I'm glad somebody scanned in one of these idiotic Northwestern Mutual ads. (link)• WonderBra holds open ad casting call in London for lots and lots of tits. (link)• Italy, epicenter of the Renaissance, is producing some of the stupidest TV spots today. Here's a sampling: (link)• This dentist must really fuck his patients. (link)• Pic of the week: lesbians kissing in Tiananmen Square. (link)• b-boy Abe Lincoln origami. (link)• Thanks to the NRA, this PSA will never run in the USA. (link)• cp+b's employee bus is called "Disruptive Thinker Transport" and is adorned with fake bullet holes. Jesus Fucking Amazing Christ. (link)• Martin Luther King, Jr.'s National Mall statue de-angrified. (link)• craigslist ad of the week: seeking a copywriter/security guard. (link, via)• Intrusive ad of the week: Trojan message in the bottom of your beer pint. (link)• Finally, a guy writing for SomethingAwful back in 2006 prank chatted with several porn stars. (link)

Thursday, June 19, 2008

The most sexist beer ads ever produced?

(click ads for closer look)WOW. I thought this Czech blow-up doll beer commercial was bad. These ads for Coopers Premium Light Lager via Singapore (all male creative team, naturally) hit women with a double shot of misogyny. "Only 2.9% alcohol" reads the copy, meaning you'll stay sober enough to notice that the pretty party girl is a fatty(L) and that the chesty bar girl is an ugly (she's quite cute, actually). I'm not even going to go into all the bad Photoshopping/retouching. And these ads just won a bronze medal in the Press category at the Cannes advertising festival. Amazingly, unforgivably tasteless. (previously: 1, 2 more examples of misogynistic ads)update 6pm: you'll notice that that blond has an engagement ring on her left hand. Also you'll notice that the freckled-girl is very young. So, I think that my pretty/fatty, chesty/ugly interpretation is not what the agency/advertiser is trying to communicate. They're trying to say 'drinking Coopers keeps you from hitting on engaged women or underage girls.' Though, judging by the comments, they've failed miserably (but still, why is the blond overweight? Anybody?). Either way, they're still bad, sexist ads. update: What do you think? Go vote on a poll about the ads on PollsBoutique.

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: When Doctors Do Ads.

There Are A Lot Of FishDicks In The Sea.

(click ads for closer looks) That's the most penis heads (L) I've ever seen in an ad. These AIDS prevention ads via France just won a bronze medal at Cannes. The illustrations are wonderful, though the female version is the much more inventive of the two. Compared to Ken Cole's asinine AIDS prevention ads, these are golden. related: Sarah Silverman's leaked World AIDS day song lyrics for a never-produced Gap commercial.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Joe's Jeans biting American Apparel's ass-thetic.

(click pics for close-up)The Ass Crack is the go-to fashion ad allurement these days (well, even more so than in the past). And nobody exploits it (examples 1, 2, 3, 4, and brave Dov defender Claire Salinda, above right) like AA's pants-optional CEO. So it's no surprise that a small upstart jeans brand (update: not upstart, smallish) would desperately attempt to generate buzz via bare butt. Note the fake tattoo. Bravo brainlessness? (Not pictured: the first ad in the series which featured the same model lifting her skirt slightly to reveal a lack of panties.) (poster on Kenmare near Elizabeth) update: PollsBoutique just posted a poll about the Joe's Jeans ad.

Cheetos Phallicism.

(click HERE to watch the video)Almost certainly (but not officially) part of the Cheetos Orange Underground movement, it's an 8+ minute self-shot video of a pasty, doughy man named Jeff (here's his "artwork" Website) wearing a green bag over his head and dressed in tightie blackies and purple socks making awkward, sweet love to a huge Cheeto made out of hundreds of little Cheetos (it's one of his pieces entitled "Cheetos Y"—Cheetos, epoxy resin, steel, 2006) while horribly chanting/singing "I love you Cheetos" over and over and over to a generic annoying techno track. Make sure and read his Cheetos Manifesto (here, scroll down). I have nothing to add. previous strange videos: hot SuperModels playing with fatty meats and potato salad; Scantily-clad lesbians and ejaculating man-tree utilized to sell fruit drink; and PETA creates Zombie Colonel Sanders.

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: PETA's sexy, bloody KFC stunt.

Svedka continues amateurish gay marketing.

(click ad for closer look at the unoriginal Svedkafembot, a direct ripoff of the Björkbot created by director Chris Cunningham)It's well known in marketing circles that Absolut became the cool hooch of the 80s by first becoming the cool hooch of the gay community. But Absolut did this with the aid of cool ads, not badly-written, pandering ads (previous examples 1,2,3,4). Yes Svedka sales are up up up, but that's mainly because it's new new new and cheap cheap cheap. Let's see where they are in ten years. (ad via MultiCultClassics)

Thursday, June 12, 2008

fake American Apparel ad artist gets VERY insidery.

(click images for closer look)What's with Bambi? you're probably asking. NEVER question an artisan. This is the ad he/she is referencing. Please take note of the switch in medium—from paste-up poster to drawing right on the wood with white chalk/ink. 'Post No Bills', you say, authorities? No problemo. Also take note of the crude labium minora/majora peek, anoftrepeatedelement in the Series. Some of you may want to point out that the model isn't actually wearing leggings. SO WHAT! GOD, you're all such unseeing literal ninnies. (near Union Square, images via, as usual, stereo hell)

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Dead Eyes And Tears...

(click ad for fake disgusting-ness)The Red Cross endlessly needs oceans of blood, yes, but they also need lots and lots of bloody eyeballs freshly ripped out of our still-warm dead heads. The best way to convey this vital message—at least according to this ad for the Thai Red Cross Eye Bank—is to show a landfill filled with overflowing trashbags of mutant, oversized peepers. Eww? And ineffective? Here's a much better eye bank ad. previously in bloody advertising: There Will Be Blood, acknowledges French Tampax ad; and a Mind Is A Terrible Thing If It's Hemorrhaging. (thanks to Jeremy Russell for the image. As all NYC subway riders know, actor Jerry Orbach donated his eyes.)