Tuesday, May 4, 2010

The reason I am writing to you is because my older brother, Sean, is kind of a kook and I must publicly humiliate him. He is super mean to me, he hates on me all the time, and if I ever develop high blood pressure, it's because of him. He hates on the way I surf, he hates my boards and never believes me when I tell him I got tubed or did a floater. Sean, you're one to talk with your massive 6'7" fun-board fish and a sleeveless wetsuit. You have no right to talk about the way I surf, because I was featured in TransWorld SURF's Check Me Out, which officially proves that I am super badass. I thought that winning this distinguished award would bring an end to the hating, but he managed to hate on my accomplishments by saying that TransWorld SURF isn't even as good as Surfer or Surfing mag--now that's just crossing the line. Oh, and the fact that I still play Runescape and know the names of every character and geographical landmark in Lord Of The Rings does not make me a loser. On that note, let me make a shout out to my boy D.J. who thinks that a common ninja would beat Lord Aragorn in a fight--this is obviously and indisputably not true. Attached is a picture of my brother being a dumbass in Costa Rica.

Sean's Little Brother

Via e-mail

Thank you for writing the best letter I have ever read in my whole life. When we were kids, my brother and I fought like wild little beasts. The difference between your older brother and my older brother was that my older brother used to force me to surf with him, compliment me if I did something cool, and he would always give me his hand-me-down surf gear. Brothers can be kooks, but they can also be bros (in the non-literal sense). Hopefully, when you get older, you can form a meaningful relationship with your brother, and you should-my brother and t hang out so much it's kind of weird actually; we work at! day together, go on every trip together, and have each other's back no matter what: Sean, stop being a kook, your little brother just wants lo be your bro, bro.