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Monday, January 5, 2015

You Can't Put On A Cravat And Instantly Become A Crime Fighter, You Know ...

Dear Unbelievables:

My son's birthday is coming up next month and I thought it would be neat to pick up The Unbelievables' Starter Kit that's been rumored to its debut shortly.

That's not just a rumor ... is it? Send me the information pronto! I want you to take my money!

Thanks! Randolph

Dear Randolph:

I don't know who started that rumor. Clark and Jeff don't know either.

But I wouldn't put it past one (or several) of our arch enemies promoting such a falsehood to fund their arsenals and ideas in any attempt to orchestrate the downfall of The Unbelievables.

You have to understand it's an expensive effort to try and come up with ways for our foes to push our demise. It takes big bucks, we're sure, to work out any ill machinations they might wish against us. To wit, they'll do almost anything to bring in cash to fund their evil, twisted ideas, including putting propaganda out falsely advertising John Q. Public can become an Unbelievable.

Bottom line: There's no such thing.

Unbelievability isn't just for anyone walking down the street. It takes training, perseverance, dedication, a quick wit, a hefty wardrobe and more.

Yes, there are a few token honorary figures who can add "Unbelievable" to their business cards but they're few and far between. (Elvis, Steve McQueen are a couple heady examples.)

The Unbelievables are not about "taking your money." Sorry.

Even if there was an Unbelievable Starter Kit, it wouldn't be for kids. That would be dangerous and irresponsible.

We hear those XBox things are pretty happening, if you want a suggestion.