INDIANAPOLIS — It was supposed to be an evening of revenge for the Patriots. It was supposed to be an evening of payback, running it up, settling scores, breaking records.

Didn’t Tom Brady Sr. say something about his boy leading the Patriots into the end zone on every possession?

Look, we all get the motivation: The Pats blame the Indianapolis Colts for Deflategate, and Deflategate, we can all agree, was a drain on everyone from the Krafts, to the Bradys (Tom Sr., Tom Jr.) to everyone who has ever paid his or her way into Gillette Stadium. (Even if I do maintain that the NFL weirdly loves all the attention it got from Deflategate.)

But the inconvenient truth here is that the hated Colts went into last night’s game with a 3-2 record. And 3-2 teams playing at home don’t often roll over just because the other team has a swell storyline going.

And that’s just as well, because the Pats’ 34-27 victory over the Colts last night at Lucas Stadium was real. As opposed to the fantasy scores that were being tossed around all last week — with 73-0, I believe, getting plenty of air time.

Besides, the Colts played such a dumb game last night that that, all by itself, was its own form of revenge for the Pats.

More about that in a moment.

The Colts led 21-20 at halftime, and Indy fans were eating it up. This may have been a “revenge” game for the Pats, but out here it was looked at as an opportunity to extend some payback to that pack of lyin’ cheaters from New England.

It was in that spirit that one local concern, GRAVIE health insurance, handed out tiny, noticeably under-inflated footballs to fans entering Lucas County Stadium on which were printed the words:

Deflating Health Insurance Costs(Not Footballs)

Get it?

Ha.

Had the Colts won, those little footballs would have made for nice souvenirs. Instead, they’re going to be painful reminders that the Pats still have Brady, who can do things with grown-up footballs that most other quarterbacks cannot.

Brady took the Pats right down the field on the first drive of the third quarter, including a 25-yard pass to Scott Chandler for a first down at the Indy 44. Five plays later, he hit Rob Gronkowski for 25 yards, with Gronk seemingly waving his arm as an invitation for Colts defenders to follow him into the end zone.

He was most likely just trying to keep his balance, but the ensuing spike was quite real, and it became the moment, right there, that the GRAVIE footballs were about to become, you know, deflated in value.

But there’s more.

Sheesh, was there ever.

Trailing 27-21 late in the quarter, the Colts were on fourth-and-3 when they decided to roll the dice on a fake punt.

Leastways, I think it was a fake punt.

It appears they lined up with wideout Griff Whalen as a sort of make-pretend center, and with Colt Anderson, a safety, lining up as a make-pretend quarterback. The rest of the Colts were off somewhere to the right, and hoping, one assumes, that the Patriots would jump offsides.

Anyway, the make-pretend center snapped the ball to the make-pretend quarterback, who was dropped for a very real loss of 1.

You’ve heard of the butt fumble? This play was similarly hilarious, but with one major difference: This was a play that somebody in the employ of the Indianapolis Colts designed. The butt fumble was merely the culmination of a very bad night for Rex Ryan’s New York Jets. Rex didn’t design the butt fumble.

Maybe it was Colts coach Chuck Pagano who designed that mess of a play. Maybe it was special teams coordinator Tom McMahon. It may well have been an intern. Or a Lucas Oil Stadium peanut vendor. Watch the replay and tell me I’m wrong. Dare you.

The Pats would pad their lead in the fourth quarter on an 11-yard pass from Brady to LeGarrette Blount. The score was now 34-21. It was a handy enough lead, but it wasn’t a blowout. The Colts, in fact, made it a one possession game with just over a minute remaining when Luck connected with Griff Whalen for an 18-yard touchdown. (Adam Vinatieri’s PAT was blocked.)

So, no, no blowout. But the punt — the fake punt, the Whatever It Was — made up for everything.

Put it all together and you have what may be the most lopsided close game in football history.