Tough Love for Comics

Posted by Chris Eckert on Wednesday, October 24th, 2007 at 06:58:18 PM

NOTE: DUE TO UNFORSEEN DELAYS, THE FINALE OF ‘UPCATCHING’ WILL BE SEEN IN DOWNCOUNTING ANNUAL #1 LATER THIS YEAR. WE SINCERELY APOLOGIZE FOR THE INCONVENIENCE.

Weâ€™ve been a little backlogged, so you havenâ€™t been seeing much Downcounting. But things have righted themselves, and over the course of the next four days there will be daily updates to Downcounting, in a special event we are calling Downcounting: Four of a Kind! This will of course lead into an ongoing series Batman & the Downcounters that will be written by Judd WinickPeter TomasiTony BedardChuck DixonTO BE ANNOUNCED!

Now, I know Iâ€™ve been negligent in keeping this column up to date, and weâ€™re nearing the halfway point â€“ Iâ€™m sure a great deal has happened, and perhaps you are behind! So if you’re not sure what’s happened in the first 400 or so pages of Countdown, hereâ€™s a quick summary:

THE ROGUES: Piper and Trickster (reformed Rogues) join up with the Unreformed Rogues for a big heist, which turns out to be murdering Bart Allen, aka the Flash (in another book). They may or may not have murdered Bart, but they are definitely shackled together, at least now that all the artists have gotten the memo about that. Theyâ€™ve sort of stumbled around being stupid with no real plan thus far.

DARKSEID is planning something evil involving a chessboard, and also probably a â€œGreat Disasterâ€. Little else is known at this point, but he shows up every month or two to gloat about how he has a plan.

KARATE KID and UNA were in the 21st Century for a JLA/JSA crossover (in other books) and stuck around to prevent The Great Disaster. Or maybe cause it? I donâ€™t know, but Karate Kid is dying of a disease that has no symptoms or definite name, and theyâ€™ve spent eleven issues looking for someone with information. No luck so far.

MARY MARVEL was sad because she had no powers, so she took Black Adamâ€™s powers and then was acting really mean and evil, but it turns out that was mainly because she was being influenced by Eclipso, who is now working for Darkseid even though they haven’t mentioned that in Countdown yet. Eclipso really likes to take her time in influencing people apparently, as sheâ€™s only just started actually doing anything. Could this be part of a plan for a Great Disaster?

HOLLY ROBINSON was on the run for no reason ever explained in Countdown, and ended up in a Womanâ€™s Shelter run by Athena, who is actually secretly Granny Goodness working for Darkseid, again for no reason explained (or mentioned) in Countdown. They are moving to Paradise Island, and perhaps there is something sinister afoot! Hard to tell!

JIMMY OLSEN was investigating a murder when he suddenly developed weird powers. Then a bunch of New God characters starting dying around him, but he decided to ignore that in order to try to be a superhero. That lasted about two minutes before he decided he needed to figure out why he had weird powers. Heâ€™s still trying to figure that out, but it definitely involves New Gods and probably Darkseid.

THE MONITORS are, so far as we know, not working for Darkseid (although one shows up in a crowd scene on Apokalips in Death of the New Gods!. But theyâ€™ve all gone Jihad behind Gun Toting Monitor, who killed Duela Dent in the first issue for crossing between universes. I guess he wants to kill everyone who crosses between universes, or, uh, â€œcheats deathâ€? Iâ€™m not really sure what their deal is, even though Gun-Toting Monitor has delivered three lengthy monologues on the topic so far.

One Monitor decided he didnâ€™t want to follow Gun Toting Monitor, and that is Bob and his C-LIST MONITOR POSSE. They need to find Ray Palmer, because Ghostwriter the Source Wall told Bob that Ray Palmer could avert the Great Disaster. So far they have not found Ray Palmer.

And thatâ€™s where we are right now! Read on and be dazzled by the relative lack of progression!

30 AND COUNTING… â€œFAMILY FEUDâ€

p. 1: Itâ€™s been eleven issues, and Karate Kid needs to figure out what sort of disease he somehow knows he has that he somehow knows is killing him, so he went looking for Oracle, who after a dumb fight scene told him to talk to Dr./Mr. Orr. After another dumb fight scene, Dr./Mr. Orr told them to go talk to Buddy Blank! Also, I guess Dr/Mr. Orr is working for Darkseid!! Last issue they met up with Buddy, and miraculously neglected to fight him before having him take them to Brother Eye! Is this the Brother Eye from Infinite Crisis? Good question! All of these characters theyâ€™re shoving into this storyline are ciphers who happen to share the same names as OMAC related characters from either Brian Azzarelloâ€™s Superman: For Tomorrow or Jack Kirbyâ€™s original OMAC series. Brother Eye declares that â€œthe Great Disaster has come to me.â€ How does everyone know about all the signs and portents of this goddamn Great Disaster?

pp. 2-3: After breaking out of the Justice Leagueâ€™s protective custody after warning them of Deathstrokeâ€™s plan to attack the Green Arrow/Black Canary wedding, the Piper and Trickster decide toâ€¦ go to the wedding? Really? Apparently, they just wanted to see if the heroes â€œtook their warning seriouslyâ€. I am pretty sure the only reason this scene exists is because someone found the â€œgay people at weddingsâ€ section of the Milton Berleâ€™s Private Gaybashing File book that is so clearly floating around the writing room for Countdown. Have you heard? Piper is gay!

pp. 4-5: We rejoin Jimmy Olsen as his strange powers go out of control at Project Cadmus! He, uhâ€¦ splits into like a water monster and the Hulk? And decides the only â€œsafeâ€ thing to do with out of control powers is to escape from the most advanced science research station in the world, and hide out in the sewers? The last panel, with his crazy water-face glumly thinking â€œThe way things are going, sooner or later Iâ€™m going to accidentally kill someone!â€ is unintentionally hilarious, like if Jim Woodring suddenly took over Archie Double Digest.

pp. 6-8: The C-List Monitor Posse have escaped Earth-3, and theyâ€™ve got a stowaway â€“ Sensational Palette Swap of 2007, The Jokester! Jason Todd does not grasp the concept of â€œmultiple universesâ€, and appears to blame the Jokester for his death (at the hands of the Joker, which is extra confusing since Jason is, you know, alive. Things are heating up, when the Earth-15 Justice League show up! And they seem to assume that the Jokester is the Joker, too!

pp. 9-10: Back at the wedding, there are more fights and more gay jokes. Our Defiant Rogues get some revenge on Poison Ivy by throwing an exploding TV the Joker sent as a wedding present at her. This isnâ€™t a Judd Winick comic, so I assume explosions might actually hurt people. But then again, I am assuming that our sympathetic Rogues are not going to murder Poison Ivy in a throwaway gag. I guess I shouldnâ€™t assume so much. The Rogues make a hasty escape, but as they drive away in their stolen sports car, some guy emerges from the back of the car threatening to slit Piperâ€™s throat while making gay jokes! In case anyone is wondering, this is Double Down, another Flash Rogue. Why he couldnâ€™t just have asked for a ride politely is beyond meâ€¦ I guess it creates drama!

pp. 11-17: Weâ€™re back on Earth-15, whereâ€¦ get this â€“ all of the members of the C-List Monitor Posse are actually the main heroes in their particular franchise slot! Jason Todd is Batman! Donna Troy is Wonder Woman! Kyle Rayner is Green Lanternâ€¦ okay, so Kyle was Green Lantern for over a decade, and technically he still is Green Lantern, but on Earth-15, he dresses and acts just like Hal Jordan (Ian Churchill even drew Hal instead of Kyle on the cover!), which I guess is proof that heâ€™s â€œmade itâ€. They all bitch a bit, and the Jasons fight, before Superman shows up, and he’sâ€¦ General Zod? Civilian Zod? “Please, Mr. Zod is my father”? Whoever he is, heâ€™s not the Superman of Earth-15 who is â€œmaking his first appearance in Countdown: Arena. I guess there are two Earth-15s? Itâ€™s possible they were trying to cover for that with some really confusing dialogue where â€œourâ€ Kyle asks if â€œthis Earth has a Superman and it doesnâ€™t even need him?â€ Which is a really odd question to ask, Kyle, since Superman is hovering right in front of you and in fact just resolved the conflict you found yourself in. Way to be an ingrate! Anyway Bob shows up and relates his adventure:

And away they go, to another Earth! But some of the other Monitors are following them! Also, before they depart Earth-15 Donna tells New Earth Donna some homespun Athenian wisdom, and also claims that she has â€œmuch in common with Athenaâ€. I wonder if that means sheâ€™s been replaced by one of Darkseidâ€™s minions in another book but no one bothers to mention it in Countdown?

pp. 18-20: Speaking of Athena, the battered women arrive at Paradise Island, only to be informed that they will have to fight their way to the island, through water infested with EYELESS SHARKS! I still have no idea why anyone would go along with this insane transition from nurturing womenâ€™s shelter to insane deathtraps; I mean, I guess Holly is â€œinvestigatingâ€, and Harley is crazy, but what about all of the other women? Then again, they have never been given any lines, so maybe theyâ€™re all insane supervillains too, not abused or homeless women as we were led to believe. Will Holly and Harley survive this latest test from Athena/Granny Goodness, or will they survive and make it to the island? That, my friends, is what we call a cliffhanger!

Okay, so check back tomorrow for the next stunning chapter of Downcounters: Four of a Kind! Hey Batman, which Earth did you choose for your team today?

Okay then! See you tomorrow, and don’t forget to cast your vote in the New Gods Survivor Series Showdown!