Why Some Women Are Afraid to Cut Their Hair

Princess Rapunzel's crazy-long (70 feet, to be exact) golden blonde hair in Disney's newest movie release Tangled is attractive in a magical, fairy-tale sort of way (maybe it's because we know it'll eventually help her score a hot prince). But in real life, hair that grazes the lower back doesn't have the same effect—at all. I recently watched a woman in a restaurant proudly swing her butt-long straight hair as she walked. I couldn't help but think to myself, "Why doesn't she cut her hair? She can't possibly think it looks good." Maybe I should have minded my own business…but instead, I asked New York City clinical psychologist Vivian Diller, author of Face It: What Women Really Feel When Their Looks Change, to shed some insight on why some women are petrified of cutting their hair. (And to clarify: I'm a long-haired girl myself and love that my stylist obeys my half-inch trim requests.) "Some women view their hair as an aspect of their identity," explained Diller. "It's very internal, and women who let it grow to this extreme length have become attached to it over a long period of time. Some women view hair as the gestalt of their look and parallel it with losing their teeth or an arm." During our conversation, I remembered a fellow Allure editor's interview with Gwyneth Paltrow right after she'd chopped her long hair. Paltrow talked about how hard it had been to get that haircut because she'd had that hair when her father died and when her daughter was born. When I brought this up to Diller, she said that "people associate features to certain experiences in their lives. And with cutting hair, that can mean that they are letting go of a memory." So is this a real problem? Because life requires flexibility, Diller explained, feeling this rigid about something can be problematic. She recommends going into a haircut appointment with the mindset that one feature doesn't define you—that you are much more than just hair. As she put it, "Trying a new look gradually, like getting a few inches snipped or getting layers, can ease you into it and make it a more comfortable experience."

Buy what you know. (That's the expression, right?) This year, I'm going to skip the scarves and wallets and stay in my wheelhouse: Everyone on my list is getting a beauty gift perfectly tailored to them.