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Saturday, July 23, 2011

Dr's Creed: The Bouncing Molecule Theory

Warning: What follows is top secret information surreptitiously leaked to me via one of the nations elite pulmonologists from an elite teaching hospital. Read at your own risk. This is not edited.

Appendix 2

Hypoxic Drive Theory proved by the Bouncing Molecule Theory:

It has been brought to my attention that many respiratory therapists (RT)have been complaining about the Hypoxic Drive Theory, that it's nothing more than a hoax initiated by RTs from the olden days pent on creating a need for their existence.

Many of you have written me about how their incessant attacks on the theory we have such a dogmatic view on is an insult to our intelligence and an insult to the medical profession and to medical schools that teach it.

Yet fear not, my friends, because researchers at the Weaners Medical and Research Center have come up with a new theory that we will now take as fact, and toss into the face of arrogant and apathetic therapists alike.

After studying the lungs of three possums forced to smoke three packs of cigarettes a day for 32 years,it was observed that too much oxygen in their lungs created a wall of sorts, and causes CO2 molecules to literally bounce off this wall and back into the blood stream.

This bouncing effect is what therefore causes CO2 to increase when oxygen is too high. Thus, in effect, this new theory provides proof that it is better to allow Chronic Obstructed Pulmonary Disease (COPD) patients to suffocate due to hypoxemia than to oxygenate them.

Please feel free to use this new theory as ammo against arrogant and apathetic RTs. Any further questions please refer to the 1961 version of the Physicians Medical Journal that we feel there is no need to ever update.