HOLYSHITHOLYSHIT TACO BELL BROUGHT BACK THE CHILI CHEESE BURRITO A.K.A. CHILITO FOR THE FIRST TIME IN LIKE A DECADE AND IT TASTES THE EXACT SAME HOLYSHIT!

It's like when I bought Julia a '90s Barbie of of Amazon for Christmas, and when she saw what it was, she went, "You're back!" with all the love of that biblical father who had the prodigal son. The instant laxative that was once known as the Chilito hath returned, with only one cosmetic difference - the old one was wrapped at one ended and one on the other. This one is wrapped at both ends. But given how much Taco Bell beef has deteriorated since I was a lad, it's nothing short of a Mexican-ish miracle that this thing tastes just like it used to. And yes, it still has that classic laxative effect.

They're promoting another new chili burrito more, though. Let's deal with that next.

Okay. Taco Bell? Hi. I'd like to inform you that I'm quite familiar with the fast-food item known as "fries." In fact, everyone in America is. I'm pretty sure "fries" is one of the first words most kids learn to say.

Your "golden potato bites" are not fries. Just like your "nacho sauce' without cheese is not nacho sauce. Quit being Big Brother. Stick to coopting Mexican ideas and making them mediocre.

That said, your Chili Cheese "Fries" Loaded Griller is better than it should be. And I've had the major competitors: Wienerschnitzel, I think , did the first chili cheese fries burrito, and Del Taco recently followed suit. Green Burrito has an amazing "San Diego Burrito" that contains fires loaded with steak and guac, and you can't really beat that.

But those "golden" whatsits in the classic chili, with nacho cheese sauce (REAL nacho sauce, as opposed to that fake crap you just invented)? It works. Especially since you didn't fuck it up with sour cream this time. Right now it's a dollar, and there's a decent amount of filling inside, enough that I actually was afraid some might spill when I bit into it (this is a good thing, and almost never happens at the Bell).

But the best new thing - oh my goodness. Now this is the epitome of what you do best. Mountain Dew Sangrita Blast. Is there anything that screams "cultural appropriation" more than a sangria flavor owned by Mountain Dew? Not until McDonald's makes McBalut.

Remember when Mountain Dew did grape flavor Pitch Black, then refined it to "Pitch Black II" by adding more citric acid to give it a sour note? This is a perfected variation. The initial taste hitting your mouth is a sweet, grape-cherry-Dew mashup, but right as it starts to go down, it's like the thing pulls out a mini Super Soaker and blasts the back of your throat with sour. It's a calculated contrast that, unlike most sodas, actually makes you stop and think about the taste. And it would be a great mixer, too, but it's only available at Taco Bell.

Stoked that the chili burrito is back. I have always hated the Baja blast dew flavor and I'm a huge supporter of nearly all dew flavors. T bell has been disappointing me as of late, ever since they began marinating their chicken in a lemon marinade I had to go back to their beef, which has been sub par for years.

Chilitos, taco supreme and burrito supreme are the only foods I would get from Taco Bell. I haven't gone lately because they stopped putting the sour cream on the taco and burrito. At least this is true for my area.

I adore your crazed Taco Bell posts, though a part of me, the part stuck up here in bad chain food hell that is northern Maine, dies a little bit each time you eat there instead of a real Mexican Food restaurant.

I do not like potatoes in burritos. I'm also not terribly fond of rice in them, either. When I order a burrito, I want that space filled with meat, beans, sauce, onions, and cheese. Sour cream goes ON TOP. Spanish Rice goes on THE SIDE. Potatoes belong somewhere else entirely.

I still don't get why nerds are assumed to have horrible taste in food and a thing for fast and junk food. If we are nerdy and intelligent, shouldn't we be geeky about nutrition and good cooking? Not to rain on the burrito parade, but the whole gross greasy food cover nerd stereotype is one we need to shed.

And Taco Bell always seemed like the worst fast food out there. I ever got why it was popular. I guess I am spoiled with a buncha decent local real Mexican places around. Plus I even dated a Mexican girl who loved making empanadas. We still hang out and even said recently she wanted to go to one of those good Mexican places around town.

@TheXenos Yeah, sorry about that. I, personally like fast food. I'm not a big taco Bell eater, but I am The Bad Nerd, after all.

I like these articles and I am amazed at the backlash that always seems to come with them.

Frankly, when I want reviews of authentic, local restaurant food, I read my local newspaper. The idea that we who eat fast food are somehow missing a better experience is fallacious and smells a bit like food snobbery.

@arivalscientist@kraken Technically, I never said he had to review a fast food version of real mexican, just that I get sad when people eat at a fast food chain when there's better options. Also, the best Mexican food I've ever eaten came from a truck and took less than four minutes to arrive in my hand. They didn't understand a word of english and served tongue burritos. I'd call that Real Mexican and Fast Food. :)

I haven't seen the McLobster since I moved here four years ago, but the arby's serves a truly dire lobster roll.