Ancient Tales of a Kingdom not Unlike One You Know

The Chronicles of Chill – Episode IV: (Me)Linda Gate(s)

After the seasons of the Throne of Ekitilopia and the Tword of Prophet TRappatoni, came a festival of peace in the land of Twilistia and Social Mediana. Brother cleaved unto brother, sister unto sister and many a-brother did verily entereth into the DMs and setteth P with the sisters.

In this time of peace, the Chief Priestess of Gossipotamia made it known unto all the men and women of Social Mediana, that once had her plea gone unto her father and twice he had heard her word and yea, had he now finally acquiesced to her desire to take for herself a new chariot. And her name was Melinda the Second. And her new chariot was a Roving Ranger of the finest Valyrian steel. And Melinda said she dipped into her vast coffers and gave Cosmas the Chariot Seller a mere 24 million shekels for the chariot. And it was a beautiful chariot to behold.

Melinda was a great Chief Priestess of Gossipotamia, probably the greatest the people of Social Mediana had ever seen. And she was also a chronicler of the sayings and doings of the people of Celebritine. And daily, hordes and throngs of people from Social Mediana, Gossipotamia and beyond came to worship at her temple and read her chronicles.

But a word was said against Melinda. First it was in a mild whisper from Nathan the scribe, that she had taken his engraving and put it on display at her temple. And neither did she seek his consent nor obtain his blessing. And the whisper grew into a rumbling that many of the ornaments in Melinda’s temple were taken from others and that her prophecies and chronicles were not hers. But the Chief Priestess scoffed at the suggestions.

Finally, shortly after the arrival of her 24 million shekel Valyrian Steel Roving Ranger Chariot, an obscure man appeared unto the people of Twilistia and Social Mediana and bellowed that Melinda had also taken his engraving, claiming it as hers.

This man, Aydeeveedov, appeared to be a chronicler himself of the demise of the Haramites in North Easteros, and his wrath was incurred against the Chief Priestess of Gossipotamia and her temple. And lo, waving his staff in Twislistia Square, did he proclaim:

“Priestess Melinda, if ye will not peaceably yield to me my engraving of the conquest of the Haramites, and if ye will not desist from this mendacious path, then takest thou notice and knowest thou, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I will call upon the High god Googlam, and he will answer by fire. And your temple will become a memory. Yea, shall no engraving or chronicle rest upon another.”

And Melinda was silent. But her silence was the calm before the storm because the people of the land heard the cry of Aydeeveedov, and joined their cry unto his and lo, THERE WAS ABSOLUTELY NOT AN IOTA OF CHILL IN THE LAND!

For 5 days and 5 nights, over the feast of Eid, did the Twilistines and Social Medianites make pontification and supplication to the Chief Priestess. And there arose from absolutely nowhere an army of Pharisees deeply versed and intensely steeped, it seemed, in the ways of Googlam and engraving theft.

Repent Melinda, said many, for the kingdom of Googlam is at hand.

Away, said others. The hands of the Chief Priestess are no dirtier than the hands of other temple custodians.

Be gone, said yet others, and remove the envy of the Chief Priestess Melinda from your hearts. Knowest thou not that she is the first Priestess of Gossipotamia to acquire a Valyrian Steel Ranging Rover of 24 million shekels??!!??

Then the spirit of the Tword came upon Melinda and she spake. Not of remorse, repentance or restitution, but of the folly and jealousness of Aydeeveedov and his followers. And there was even more unchill.

And at this time, the Prophetess, the scandal and the furore came to be known as Melinda Gates. But this part of the revelation was obscure, so rely on it at your own peril.

And lo, Melinda had a sister, Lauratidyn, who was full of fury and yea, did Lauratidyn speak fire unto Ayedeeveedov and High Priest Nobblatum of the temple of Nobs. And Lauratidyn descended on Chxta of Greece, for having dined with Melinda and asking Melinda to send some worshippers to his own temple, before he became of fame.

And there was unchill, the likes of which had never ever been seen.

And then the unchill began to wane and diminish, until worshippers approached the Temple of Melinda in Gossipotamia and beheld the magnificence of its vanishment.

The words of Aydeeveedov had come to pass, for Googlam had heard his supplication. But Aydeeveedov merely unlooked. And the spirit of the demon schadenfreude swept through Social Mediana and Twilistia, as many were filled with glee.

And a final word of prophecy came from Chief Priestess Melinda – I will be back.