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Q: My husband’s an airline pilot. I trust him even when he’s on layovers, at hotels and working with female flight attendants.

However, it recently came up in conversation that it’s fairly routine at the end of flights or layovers for the flight attendants to hug the pilots goodbye.

He didn’t think he was hiding anything from me even though this has apparently happened to him personally, “over 100 times.”

I’m not jealous but I’m angry he didn’t mention this practice before, and more so because I think it’s incredibly unprofessional for male/female co-workers to hug.

He says he has no choice and it’d be rude to decline. I say he could stand or use body language in such a way that’d deter it.

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He became angry with me when I said he was inappropriate and unprofessional, and now it’s turned into a big deal. What do you think? Are these hugs appropriate between coworkers?

Pilot’s Wife, Toronto

A: The more important question is, “Why are you so upset?” He’s given no indication of cheating, and you do trust him. He didn’t mention it before because it was meaningless to him. Now you’re turning it into an insulting put-down of his professionalism, making you look jealous when you insist you’re not.

All you needed to ask — “Is there a way to keep it from being misinterpreted?” — that would’ve shown you believed he could think about it for himself.

Airline flights are stressful. Besides the demanding schedules, various mechanical concerns, occasionally difficult passengers, there’s always that unspoken element of being in a situation that can go hideously wrong. The hug — and it comes from both male and female attendants — is a signal of respect for the pilot’s skill, and relief that the flight ended safely.

You should hug him close for those same reasons.

Feedback: Regarding the wife who is no longer interested in sex and not discussing it (April 9):

Reader 1: A long period of no sex in a marriage leaves someone very vulnerable to an affair if the right situation comes along. I know. I was the other woman, older, single, who, after years of being alone offered just that interest, appreciation and, yes, excitement that a man like that craved.

What are these women thinking when they withdraw sex? With online connecting to new and former partners so easy and seemingly safe, the opportunities to slide into more than you bargained for have never been greater.

I’m not blaming the woman or pretending to be blameless myself, but the lack of communication between a couple about sex has to be remedied.

It only takes one person who is vulnerable. I know how easy it is to delude yourself when chemistry’s thrown in and you think nothing bad can happen. But a lot of people do get hurt.

My dear married sisters: wake up to what you have. To my fellow single sisters: never let yourself be used to improve someone else’s marriage. We deserve better.

Reader 2: Many women enjoy being sexual. Whatever their age. Many women like giving and receiving pleasure. Alas, it’s so much more difficult for older women to find partners.”

Reader 3: I’m 51, and after getting married and having two kids, my wife no longer has any interest in sex. It’s a common theme with all my male friends. In fact, as long as my wife has enough money, all she needs me for is doing the work around the house.

TIP OF THE DAY

Colleagues’ customary hugs are only worrisome if someone makes them so.

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