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8.06.2015

CLEVELAND, OHIO (The Nil Admirari) - Today, Americans across the country confessed they were "very excited" to watch the first debate between Republican presidential candidates, which will be hosted by Fox News in Cleveland, Ohio at 9pm tonight. Nearly all Americans stated they looked forward to watching the well-informed Republican candidates debate serious issues, and were specifically looking forward to hearing billionaire Donald Trump's substantive policy goals.

"I am so happy for Republican primary voters. Their field of presidential candidates is the strongest in nearly four decades, and the Democratic Party should be shaking in its boots to have to face any of the ten candidates handpicked by Fox News," said NBC News journalism lightweight Chuck Todd.

Bill O'Reilly agreed and stated, "All of these guys debating tonight are all very serious, very capable guys. Ted Cruz cooked bacon on an AR-15 rifle earlier in the week, Huckabee has been talking about Jews and ovens again, and Trump will be statesmanlike and clarify his vision for America.

"I am looking forward to presenting my superior policy goals to the American people so they can compare me to my opponents. Even the black one who said Obamacare has been the worst thing since slavery," announced Donald Trump.

All the Democratic presidential candidates released a joint statement assuring America they were "extremely concerned" about what could happen during tonight's debate, but also "too excited not to watch it."
Fox News announced it expected a record-breaking audience to watch the debate.