The
following memorandum is based on the field study of a dedicated team composed of
sociologists, linguists, lawyers, psychologists and palaeontologists. The
purpose of this memorandum is to convince Spanish staff to behave properly in a
multicultural atmosphere, in particular as regards the use of
language.

Read it
carefully, it could help you!

It has been
brought to our attention that offensive language is commonly used by our Spanish
staff. Such behaviour, in addition to violating our company policy, is highly
unprofessional, and offensive to both our visitors and
staff alike. Therefore it is requested that our Spanish staff adhere to the
following rules immediately :

1. Foreign
visitors should not be referred to as "miraeseguiri de mierda" or "pasa de esepolaco"

2. Words
like "coño", "hostia", and
other such expressions will not be used as emphasis, no matter how heated the
discussion

3. You will
not say "la cagó" when someone makes a mistake, or "la
estácagando" if you see
somebody being reprimanded, or "quécagada" when a major mistake has been made. All direct and
derivated forms of the verb "cagar" are inappropriate in our
environment

4. No
project manager, section, head or administration chief will be referred to,
under any circumstances, as "el hijo de la granputa" or "el muycabrón" or even "el come mierda"

5. Lack of
determination will not be referred to as "falta de
huevos" or "mariconera" nor
will persons with a lack of initiative be referred to as "capullo" or "acojonado".

6. Unusual
and/or creative ideas will not be referred to as "pajasmentales" in particular when
they stem from your manager.

7. You will
not say "como
me jode" if a person is persistent or "estájodido" or "se lo van a follar" if a colleague is going through a difficult
situation. Furthermore, when matters become complicated the expressions "quéjodienda" or "estoes la repolla" should not be used

8. When
asking someone to leave you alone, you must not say "vete a la mierda" nor should you
ever substitute the most educated "May I help you ?" with "¿Quécoñoquieres?"

9. If
things get tough an acceptable expression such as "we are going through a
difficult time" should be used, rather than "estoestájodido" or "nos van a follar a todos" or "el futuroesmás negro que el sobaco de un mono".
Additionally, if you make a mistake, just say so, and do not say quéputada" or any expression
composed with the root "puta".

10. No
salary increase should ever be referred to as "subida
de mierda".

11. Last
but not least, after reading this note, please do not say "me voy a limpiar el culo con ella" or "me la pasopor el forro de loscojones". Just keep it clean
and odourless and dispose of it properly.

If this
note does not achieve its goal to improve Spanish staff's language, it can
always be used as a spanish
language course for foreigners.