Win-Win

Yes, winning is everything. But how do you define “winning?”

Not long ago I read about a long-distance race with a very unusual finish:

Iván Fernández Anaya was competing in a cross-country race in Spain, running second behind Abel Mutai of Kenya. As they approached the finish line, he saw the leader mistakenly stop, thinking he had already crossed the line. So Fernández Anaya also stopped – and guided the Kenyan to the line, letting him cross first.

Suffice to say, this story would not have garnered much attention if Fernández Anaya had exploited the mistake by speeding past to claim an unlikely victory. It was the act of “doing the right thing” – ostensibly at personal expense – that earned Fernández Anaya the real victory.

True greatness does not come at the expense of others. It comes from doing the right thing.

“A person should always strive to do the ‘right thing’ simply because it’s the truth. And [if one does so], the end result will be good.”

When one’s motivation to “do the right thing” is without an expectation of reward – but rather “because it’s the truth” – the powerful force of altruism is preserved.

Rabbi Kalman Packouz tells of a rabbinical colleague who had tried unsuccessfully for years to make a fundraising appointment with a multi-millionaire who worked in the same office building. One day, as a parking officer approached, the rabbi put a nickel in the expired parking meter of the man’s Rolls Royce.

Unbeknownst to the rabbi, the owner of the Rolls had seen the parking officer approach and was running down three flights of stairs to "head her off at the pass." When he got outside, the man was incredulous that the rebuffed rabbi had performed a gratuitous act of kindness on his behalf. "Rabbi," the man said, "can you come up to my office to talk for a few minutes? I'd like to get to know you better."

The rest of the story? On the spot, the man wrote a check for $25,000 to the rabbi's school, and eventually dedicated the building for $500,000!

Winning Basket

A recent news story showed another great act of "doing the right thing." A developmentally disabled teen named Mitchell had served as the ball-boy for his high school basketball team. The coach decided that one time, he would let Mitchell wear a uniform for the game.

What the coach didn't tell Mitchell is that he planned to actually put him in the game.

He did, and Mitchell's teammate tried numerous times to pass him the ball so he could score a basket.

But every time, Mitchell either missed the easy shot, or fumbled the ball out of bounds.

With a few seconds remaining in the game, the opposing team had the ball, and Mitchell's chances were finished.

Until…

One member of the opposing team tossed the ball to Mitchell, allowing him to shoot and score.

The crowd erupted in pandemonium.

There are two heroes in this story: First, the opposing player who passed Mitchell the ball. That great act of sportsmanship is now gaining the reward of a video which went viral online.

But I think the bigger hero is the coach who decided beforehand to let Mitchell play, even if it meant losing the game.

We can choose such greatness for ourselves, if we appreciate that our most profound advancement comes when we care about others and put truth above personal gain.

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About the Author

Rabbi Shraga Simmons is the co-founder of Aish.com, and co-author of "48 Ways to Wisdom" (ArtScroll). He is co-founder of HonestReporting.com, and author of "David & Goliath", the definitive account of anti-Israel media bias. Originally from Buffalo, New York, he holds a degree in journalism from the University of Texas at Austin, and rabbinic ordination from the Chief Rabbi of Jerusalem. He lives with his wife and children in the Modi'in region of Israel.

The opinions expressed in the comment section are the personal views of the commenters. Comments are moderated, so please keep it civil.

Visitor Comments: 3

(3)
ruth housman,
March 5, 2013 6:21 PM

the game has always been give and take and let's play ball

At the deepest level it's about vessels and Ka BaLL Awe. We pour, we replensih, we pitch, as in sharing, as in getting depleted, as in all the imagery related to vessels. And when we play the game as best we can, with love, respect, and realize, it's about this, then the true mitzvot is exactly what is shown here and beautifully described.

(2)
Gary Tolchinsky,
March 3, 2013 10:17 PM

Imperfect Perfect Game

Great article on this site by Dov Moshe Lipman, "A Pefect Game"
in which a pitcher is erroneously denied the rare achievement
of a "perfect game" through an erroneous call by the umpire.
The pitcher accepts the outcome (instead of getting angry at the umpire) and the umpire acknowledges his mistake (instead of being defensive). Both try to see past their own situation and feel the pain of the other--certainly a victory:)

(1)
Gary Tolchinsky,
March 3, 2013 10:08 PM

Imperfect Perfect Game

Great article. Reminded me of a baseball game in 2010 in which
a pitcher (Armando Gallaraga) retired 26 batters in a row and
needed one more out for a "perfect game", a rarity in baseball.
The last batter clearly was out, but the unpire, Jim Joyce,
erroneously called him safe. Instead of going crazy or
blaming the umpire, Gallarage stoically accepted what happened and identified with how the umpire felt while
saying "Nobody's perfect." The umpire, instead of acting
defensively or denying his mistake, admitted his error and
the pain he felt for the pitcher. Both player and umpire
"won" by transcending their own personal situation and
identifying with the other/

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I was born with a neuromuscular disease known as Spinal Muscular Atrophy and have been confined to a wheelchair my entire life. Unfortunately my sister and I were raised without any religious instruction or guidance. My father wasn't Jewish and although my mother is, she openly claims to be an atheist. The "good news" is that both my sister and myself - independent of each other and at different times in our lives - realized that we are Jewish and chose to live a Jewish life.

Because of my disability, I'm not always able to attend services on Shabbat, but I always light candles, pray from a Siddur and read the weekly Torah portion. I would like to know whether, considering my situation, if using a computer is allowed during the Sabbath? I found the complete Bible online and since my computer is voice-activated I don't have to struggle to turn pages or continuously ask for assistance.

Thank you to everyone at Aish.com for making it possible for myself and so many others to learn about being Jewish and grow in the most important part of our lives.

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Thank you so much for your encouraging words and for sharing your inspiring story.

God gives each of us a set of challenges. To those more capable of conquering difficulties, He gave bigger challenges. A challenge from God is a sign that He cares about us and has confidence in our ability to become great.

It sounds like you're doing great!

As for using the computer on Shabbat, that is prohibited. A foundation of Judaism is that we need to respect God's wishes, even if we think that doing otherwise is "for a good reason." Consider this story:

A king calls in his trusted minister and says: "I have an important mission for you to perform. Go to the neighboring kingdom and meet in the palace with their leaders. But remember one thing - under no circumstances must you remove your shirt during this meeting. Now go and do as I say."

The minister sets off on his merry way and soon arrives at the neighboring kingdom. There he heads straight for the palace where he meets with the King. In the midst of their discussion, he sees some of the king's officers pointing and laughing at him.

"Why are you laughing?" asks the visiting minister.

"Because we've never seen someone with such a pronounced hunchback as yourself," they say.

"What are you talking about? I'm not a hunchback!"

"Of course you are!"

"No I'm not!"

"We'll bet you one million dollars that you are!"

"Fine - I'll gladly take your bet."

"Okay, so take off your shirt and prove it."

At which point the minister remembers the parting words of the king... "under no circumstances must you remove your shirt during the meeting." Yet, the minister reasons, a million dollars would certainly bring added wealth to the king's coffers. I know I'm not a hunchback, so I'll surely win the bet. Of course, under these circumstances the king would approve...

The minister removes his shirt and proudly displays his perfect posture. With pride in his achievement, he holds out his hand, into which is placed a check for one million dollars.

The minister can barely contain his excitement. He quickly ends the meeting and runs back to give the wonderful news to his king. "I earned you a million dollars!" exclaims the minister. "It was easy. I only had to remove my shirt to prove that I wasn't a hunchback."

"You did what?!" shouts the king. "But I told you specifically not to remove your shirt. I trusted that you'd follow instructions, and so I bet the other king $10 million dollars that he couldn't get you to remove your shirt!"

The Torah tells us "Do not add or subtract from the mitzvahs." (Deut. 4:2) Jewish law is a precise metaphysical science. Consider a great work of art. Would you consider adding a few notes to a Bach fugue, or some brushstrokes to a Rembrandt portrait?!

Perfection, by definition, cannot be improved upon. Altering Torah law is an unacceptable implication that God is lacking.

The verse in Psalms 19:8 declares: "Torat Hashem Temimah" - the Torah of God is complete. For just as adding one wire to a transistor radio means it no longer can pick up reception, so too we mustn't tinker with Jewish law. The mitzvahs of God are perfect.

May the Almighty give you strength to continue your growth in Judaism.

In 1315, King Louis X of France called back the Jews who had been expelled a few decades earlier by King Louis IX. This marked a theme in Jewish-French life: expulsions and subsequent invitations to return. The French monarchy was trying to establish their land as the "new Jerusalem," and to fulfill this mission attempted several crusades to Israel. In 1615, King Louis XIII ordered that Christians were forbidden to speak with Jews, upon penalty of death. Eventually, in 1683, King Louis XIV expelled the Jews from the colony of Martinique.

Focus on what you do want. Make your goal explicit. “My goal is to increase my moments of joy.” This way, every single moment of joy is a successful moment.

Celebrate each moment of joy. Be grateful every time you experience joy.

Having this goal will place your attention on joy. Instead of feeling bad when you are not joyful, you will experience positive feelings about experiencing more joy.

Each moment of joy in your entire life is experienced one moment at a time. You can’t have more than one moment of joy in any given moment, but you can increase the number of joyful moments. How? By focusing on it.

There is no person on earth so righteous, who does only good and does not sin (Ecclesiastes 7:20).

Reading the suggestions for ridding oneself of character defects, someone might say, "These are all very helpful for someone who has character defects, but I do not see anything about myself that is defective."

In the above-cited verse, Solomon states what we should all know: no one is perfect. People who cannot easily find imperfections within themselves must have a perception so grossly distorted that they may not even be aware of major defects. By analogy, if a person cannot hear anything, it is not that the whole world has become absolutely silent, but that he or she has lost all sense of hearing and may thus not be able to hear even the loudest thunder.

In his monumental work, Duties of the Heart, Rabbeinu Bachaye quotes a wise man who told his disciples, "If you do not find defects within yourself, I am afraid you have the greatest defect of all: vanity." In other words, people who see everything from an "I am great/right" perspective will of course believe that they do no wrong.

When people can see no faults in themselves, it is generally because they feel so inadequate that the awareness of any personal defects would be devastating. Ironically, vanity is a defense against low self-esteem. If we accept ourselves as fallible human beings and also have a sense of self-worth, we can become even better than we are.

Today I shall...

be aware that if I do not find things within myself to correct, it may be because I am threatened by such discoveries.

With stories and insights,
Rabbi Twerski's new book Twerski on Machzor makes Rosh Hashanah prayers more meaningful. Click here to order...