They’re fine, but please stop flooding and keep in mind that this is a clean humor site. When I said post regularly, I didn’t mean make a flood. I don’t want to mark your comments as spam, but I will if necessary. Sorry.

[…] will ever answer, like, why was Family Matters on air for so long, and who gave Chuck Norris his own comic book? All I know is, any guy with his own Apple widget is pretty hard to poke fun at. And let’s […]

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.

There is no chin under Chuck Norris’ Beard. There is only another fist.

Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.

The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.

Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.

Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.

Chuck Norris doesn’t go hunting…. CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING.

Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks. (New!)

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

Crop circles are Chuck Norris’ way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.

Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.

The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.

Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.

Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72… and they’re all poisonous.

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, “Two seconds ’til.” After you ask, “Two seconds ’til what?” he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.

When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.

A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.

Chuck Norris originally appeared in the “Street Fighter II” video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this “glitch,” Norris replied, “That’s no glitch.”

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.

The opening scene of the movie “Saving Private Ryan” is loosely based on games of dodgeball Chuck Norris played in second grade.

Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”

Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth’s atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.

Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill.

Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren’t the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.

Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.

Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse… horses are hung like Chuck Norris.

Faster than a speeding bullet … more powerful than a locomotive … able to leap tall buildings in a single bound… yes, these are some of Chuck Norris’s warm-up exercises.

Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle — you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face.

In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Chuck Norris turned that wine into beer.

Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell “What The Hell was That?”

Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in which Chuck Norris is even more badass than in this one. When it was discovered by Albert Einstein and made public, Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the face. We know Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking.

Chuck Norris doesn’t shower, he only takes blood baths.

The Chuck Norris military unit was not used in the game Civilization 4, because a single Chuck Norris could defeat the entire combined nations of the world in one turn.

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.

According to the Encyclopedia Brittanica, the Native American “Trail of Tears” has been redefined as anywhere that Chuck Norris walks.

Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.

Pluto is actually an orbiting group of British soldiers from the American Revolution who entered space after the Chuck gave them a roundhouse kick to the face.

When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

There are no steroids in baseball. Just players Chuck Norris has breathed on.

Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which he carried with him until he died. The other three wise men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Chuck’s gift, and arranged to have him written out of the bible. All three died soon after of mysterious roundhouse-kick related injuries.

I’ve had to share this page with my colleagues and friends. It’s had me crying with laughter. The pictures were amusing enough, but the comments?Still CRYING.
Best of all I like the killing ants with a magnifying glass at night and Chuck Norris swimming through land… Crying. Did I tell you I’m crying? Too funny.

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Chuck Norris is so crazy he met the Wish Master and told the dude he’d better be careful how he grants his wishes…
Then Chuck realized the Wish Master was about to get uppity as soon as he tried his pathetic evil eye thingy,
WABLAM* (roundhouse to the face)

Then he met Chucky…
Let’s just say Chucky didn’t get lucky that day…and since he tried to bite Chuck Norrises ankles…might not ever again