On Monday, I had an important conversation with The Wife and Tax Deduction No. 1. We talked about dandelions — or more specifically — the gamma ray-laden strain that are currently overrunning my yard and apparently couldn’t be killed with a flamethrower.

“Now if I cut the grass while they just have the yellow flower on top, it won’t spread the seeds when it’s cut, right?” I asked.

“They only spread when they have the poofy things on top and you blow on them,” said Tax Deduction No. 1.

“You have to dig them up by the root; that’s the only way to stop them,” said The Wife.

“Can’t I just douse the area with Roundup and kill them before they get the poofy things on top?” I said.

The poofy thing discussion went on for a few minutes with no real resolution. We decided to use the excess dandelions as pillow stuffing. Our first shipment should go out to all the organic stores in early May.

After we broke huddle, I turned on the computer and saw photos of what happened at the Boston Marathon. Within minutes, video of the explosions was all over the Internet and TV. For the rest of the night, the same information was repeated over and over again.

The following day, everyone in the journalism business was hit with a deluge of emails from public relations firms trying to grab air time or ink for their clients. Before we go any further, you should all know that I have no issue with anyone making a dollar. I believe those hippies who demanded to be let in to the Isle of Wight Festival for free should never been allowed to reproduce.

Anyone who thinks all you need is love should see the face of the usually nice woman at Kinston Public Utilities when I try to pay my electric bill in hugs.

All that being said, the crass jackassory that was on display by the media and those who feed it this week makes the coverage of the O.J. Simpson trial look subtle. The following are excerpted examples of the actual emails that were sent to members of the press on Tuesday:

Email No. 1:

Two explosions near the finish line of the Boston Marathonon Monday have resulted in deaths and injuries to runners and spectators at the event that draws crowds of 500,000.

Gregory Jantz, Ph.D. is a nationally recognized psychologist and mental health counselor with over 25 years experience who specializes in emotional counseling, depression, stress disorders and grief recovery. He is a go-to media source for commentary on national as well as international traumatic events in the news. Dr. Jantz is the author of several mental health books including, Healing the Scars of Emotional Abuse and Moving Beyond Depression.

In light of the tragedy which occurred in Boston yesterday, Michael Finkelstein, M.D. wanted to personally offer his guidance and counseling for any stories you might need insight on. He is camera ready and is available immediately for interview.

Camera ready? I can’t think of 10 profanities that could accurately describe the ugliness of that statement.

I didn’t make either of those emails up. Someone in an office somewhere makes their living waiting for catastrophes to happen so they can get their clients some air time and hopefully sell a few books.

Listen, I felt a bit queasy putting my own book out so close to Christmas as I don’t think the original intent of the holiday was commerce-based. After seeing these jackals at work in the wake of the Boston tragedy, I’m beginning to feel almost saintly.

Somebody somewhere needs to be slapped with a muddy shovel for allowing this sort of thing to become commonplace. Since the news is now on 24 hours a day, I guess they need something to fill the time.

Ted Turner and his mustache could probably be blamed for this non-stop news culture, but then again, maybe the people who are happy to watch the same story repeated more than “The Contest” episode of Seinfeld should be held accountable as well.

Camera ready. The doctor is camera ready. In my heart, I’ve got to believe if some twit said this to Edward R. Murrow, he’d lean over and put out his cigarette on their forehead. Then again, during a live newscast Murrow asked Liberace when he was going to find a nice girl and get married, so what do I know?

Jon Dawson’s columns appear every Tuesday and Thursday in The Free Press. Contact Jon at 252-559-1092 or jon.dawson@kinston.com. Purchase books, music and shovels at jondawson.com.