Free Ponies For All Americans! Ctd

My girlfriend knows Vermin Supreme from Burning Man or some other hippy freak show. She explained to me the sinister reason for the free pony to all Americans policy. Yes, you get a free pony. However, it is a personal identification pony. You must have it with you at all times, even if you are just running to the CVS on the corner and even if it is dead. If you are found without your pony, you are presumed to not be a US citizen and therefore in the country illegally. You will be deported if discovered without your pony or pony corpse.

Please do not be fooled by Vermin Supreme's free pony policy. It is an evil, fascist trap.