Oh England, you broke our heart When you first voted to depart But before you off and pack, one thing We want our language back

Oh England, you went your way But for this exit you will pay Without French letters you’ll be lost It’s time for you to count la cost

No you can’t have joie de vivre without le français You’ll lose yourself without our cul-de-sac There is no fizz without champagne Though you can gladly keep your rain We’re taking all our French words back

No, you cannot drive a car without a chauffeur There’s no déjà-vu without déjà vu What’s sex without its lingerie? Piers Morgan without his toupée We really feel miserable for you

Oh England, you’re such a fool Did they teach you nothing at school With politics you’ve been risqué For Brexit is just an entrée

Yes England, this is the start Of picking allies à la carte Soon the whole world will turn on you It isn’t nice, but it is true

Cause you cannot rendez-vous without le francais So many things that you will sorely miss Like etiquette and ambulance Without us you don’t stand a chance You’ll die without our life saving French kiss

Key change!

No you can’t have marriage without fiancé Without us your soufflé will never rise Don’t bother to RSVP We’ve buggered off for après ski You didn’t get an invite, quelle surprise

Your cheeseboard will be blue without Roquefort and camembert When you can’t find the menu You won’t, because it isn’t there When you smell of faint regret Instead of fine eau de cologne You only have yourselves to blame For dining all alone

No you can’t eat à la mode without le francais You’ll have to scoff it all off one big plate Alas there will be no encore Now that you’ve bolted your back door For a referendum you will have to wait

And if you want our bel esprit I’m sorry darling, c’est la vie You should have voted stay, it is too late Yes, you should have voted stay it is too late