A blow-by-blow of all things Metsblow

Metsblow 1/6 of the Season Report

After about 1/6 of the season, the Mets are in 1st place! Wow, the view from the top is atrocious! Prepare for the long tumble down, everyone.

The offense looks like the offense we know and expected. The Mets didn’t do anything to fix it, other than move the fences in. We didn’t come close. Our “fix” was, “we swear Wright will be better this year, we got Cuddy, and we swear we’ll improve at SS!” David Wright is nowhere close to returning. He’s dead. Cuddy has METS disease, and if it’s not Flores in there making 2 errors/game, we are witness to the Great Ruben starting for 6 years now, which is essentially longer than Reyes’s tenure.

We should have traded both Reyes and Wright, and while we’re at it, the stadium should’ve been this way from the start. We’d probably have Jurickson and Addison and Kris and more, had we made moves. Maybe we’ll be singing a different tune when Wright comes back. But even if he comes back, he’s Mr. Glass at this point. As is Reyes, of course.

Good one, Metsblog!

Johnny Monell got called up to be the primary left handed bat off the bench. Kirk is so fucking bad that we brought up a catcher to be a pinch hitter.

Meanwhile, the pitching deserves praise. The pen deserves praise. Familia has stepped up. Bighat has stepped up, and he’s a fashion icon. The bullpen has preserved a bunch of 1-0 losses, and that’s not easy. We could’ve lost 3-0 or even 10-0 but we didn’t. We hold on to those 1-0 shutout like champs! #Metsblow

Can Cuddy take some steroids or something? Can David? Can they all? Our pitchers probably are (Mejia!). Pass that shit around, boys. Stop hogging it all. And can we make a fucking trade? The Red Sox are desperate for pitching. “We don’t have a square to spare.” -Jeffy Wilpon. Get Pedroia! Blow it the fuck up! Trade Thor. Make the damn move. We’re so fucking boring at the plate. We don’t score. We couldn’t score with a drunk slut on prom night. We couldn’t score if we had a hot date with a babe…I lost my train of thought.

It’s time to make a trade. We have to make a trade. We need offense, or we will not be a good team. Are we just going to wait for Conforto to come up? Because by then, Harvey will be in pinstripes.