My heartfelt blessings to the “Bat Melech” organization for battered women which, under the administration of rabbanim, assists women and tries to establish domestic peace while providing them with advice and grants – all according to the Torah while consulting with Torah scholars.

May they be blessed for many years to come with goodness, happiness, wealth, success and all the best.

To my brothers, who wish to contribute for the good of the people, I request that you donate generously to the important organization, “Bat-Melech”, headed by Rav Noach Korman (may he be blessed with peace and long life) from the holy city of Jerusalem, who has undertaken to help religious women in distress and has compiled a booklet called “Bat-Melech’s Cry for Help” with clarifications regarding the honour of the woman whose tears are found “under the Holy Throne”.

It is a great mitzva to support this organization with a good and generous spirit. “Etz chaim he lamachazikim ba, vetomcheha meushar” (The donators will be blessed by the Almighty with good fortune.)

Domestic violence is a very hurtful subject. Women who have not experienced it say, “I wouldn’t stand for that.” People who haven’t been through it ask the victims, “Why don’t you get away from him? You’re suffering? Get away!” These are normal reactions.

When you hear about a wife being beaten, isn’t that how you react? That’s why people do not care about this issue, because they feel, “Help yourself.” However, we have to realize the situation in which the battered woman finds herself. First and foremost, we will realize that she does not want to go away. Why doesn’t she want to go away? That’s the question.

She’s in love with her husband and she doesn’t want to leave. At the same time, he abuses her — psychologically, mentally, and financially. And if the husband drinks a little bit, then there’s the potential for an outpouring of violence.

Once, I got a call at 2:00 a.m., 2 in the morning, from a city three hours away from us. There, it was only 11:00 p.m. It was a rabbi, a colleague of mine, telling me that he didn’t know what to do. A lady had just come to him. She had been beaten by her husband, and he didn’t know what to do about her. I said, “Keep the woman in the house until the husband comes and says that he is going to see a psychologist. He must promise that, and you have to see that he follows through.”

An hour later, I got a call from the woman; it’s now 3:00 in the morning. She said, “Rabbi, the rabbi told me to stay here, but I want to go home.” I said, “You want to go home? You know what happened in your home, and it’s not the first time! Why do you want to go home?!”

Why does she want to go home? Because a man who abuses his wife develops in her a certain amount of insecurity. He inculcates this in his wife so that she loses all her friends. He takes her away from her family, too. He tears her away from her family. He wants to be the dominant person. He wants to control her. And he does control her. We know that, because she wants to go back. She wants to go back because he makes her promises. Every time, he makes promises. How many promises?

That is the reason. There is a certain amount of insecurity that the woman feels, and he magnifies that insecurity, so that she thinks she cannot exist without him. He makes her feel dependent financially, by holding back money. And he makes her feel dependent emotionally, by taking her away from her friends, making sure she can’t keep in contact with the friends.

There was an article, a few years ago, in the newspaper about a woman who, unfortunately, was killed by her husband, rachmana litzlan, because she didn’t runaway. The mother of that woman was asked, “Why didn’t she go away before this happened?” She answered, “She couldn’t go away. He threatened her all the time. He threatened to kill her, but she couldn’t leave.”

That is the situation. And that is the reason that the woman does not run away. She has nowhere to run. She is treated so bitterly that she is torn away from her family, her friends, financially held back, and she simply has nowhere to run.

That is the situation. She feels so insecure; she has such low self-esteem. If she can get away from him, and get support from the outside, then she would be able to function.

And this wonderful lady, Estanne Fawer, this princess, she thought about this woman, about all these women, and it concerned her. And she decided to do something about it.

In our circles, unfortunately, we find many, many problems. I told her last time, “we cannot shove it under the carpet anymore.” Ms. Fawer remembers that.

We have to face reality. There’s a Jewish saying, “Ve es kristelzich, azoi Yidelzich.” The way others do, the Jews do, too. We are influenced by what is out there.

This is such a sore subject, so painful, for a person to lose so much self-esteem. This is the greatest tza’ar, the greatest pain a person could have. Helping this person is so important. It is mamash like saving a life: a mother, the children, the whole situation. With psychological help for the husband, perhaps it is possible even to bring back the family. But doing nothing, it is not possible.

This is the mission of Bat Melech, an organization dedicated to battered women.
What can we do for the women of Bat Melech? What can we do for the husbands? Here is the situation where we have Bat Melech, which is dedicated to the battered women, but what can we do for the husbands? How can we help? If we can find ways that can help, maybe we can bring the family together, but that needs a lot of work. That requires a different understanding between a husband and his wife and how he treats her. She cannot give up her own personality to save the family. They need a new understanding.

The husband comes home from work and feels he controls the house; he is the boss. And suddenly, she is lost; she loses her own personality. She is truly lost. Is there anything we can do about this? We have to bring people back to their own feelings, to their own understandings, to a level of respect for each other as human beings.
It is such a zechus, such a mitzvah, to save a soul. Saving one soul is saving a whole world. And Bat Melech gives us the opportunity to save many people: the women, the children, the husbands: the whole family.

Rav Shmuel Kamenetsky has served as the Rosh Yeshiva of The Talmudical Yeshiva of Philadelphia for the past 50 years. He is a member of the Moetzes Gedolei Hatorah and serves on the Rabbinical Board of many worldwide organizations, including Torah Schools for Israel, Torah Umesorah, and the Association of Jewish Outreach Professionals. A renowned leader of Diaspora Jews, his Torah wisdom and practical advice reach communities locally, nationally, and worldwide.

Harav David Yosef
Rav of “Har Nof” and Head of Beit Midrash “Yehave Daat”

Jerusalem, May 2, 2004

My dear and noble friend and companion, a G-d fearing, learned, educated and very intelligent man of considerable achievement, one of the select few, Harav Noach Korman,

Much peace and salvation I come with these words to express my appreciation for your great and blessed work in the organization of Bat Melech, which set its goal at caring for and treating unfortunate women who sorrowfully are in great distress in their relationships with their husbands, who as a result of which are forced to leave their homes and oftentimes suffer great and indescribable abuse, while you concern yourself with their welfare and well-being, rescuing the oppressed, and doing whatever you can to bring peace to their home – all this while consulting with Torah scholars and experts in the matter.

I hereby give him my heartfelt blessings that he succeed in all his endeavors, with many years of life, satisfaction and pleasure from all his offspring, Amen.

Rav Elchanan Perets
Rabbi of Beit Shemesh B’
And Head of Rabbinical Courts

February, 2005

I had the honor of seeing the booklet, “The Cry of The Jewish Daughter”, that was written by my learned and intelligent friend, Harav Noach Korman Shlita, a man of considerable achievement, who is totally dedicated to bringing a cure to the daughters of Israel, and the contents of the booklet is true, written in good taste and arranged in proper order.

The painful matter of beatings and abuse must be fundamentally treated and this booklet serves as an important step in making people aware of the severity of the prohibition and to prevent many misdemeanors.

May G-d strengthen the hand of the author in all his endeavors and in this booklet and may he succeed in saving the oppressed from his oppressor and for this may he be blessed with the blessings of the prophet Yeshayahu, “Az yibaka keshachar orcha”, to those who break the power of evil and in that way help the needy.

I would like to thank you for the devoted care you have provided to S. Without your assistance, the process of receiving her Get would certainly have taken a long time and cost much more.

The legal assistance and emotional support you’ve given S have become for her a source of strength and power in dealing with her aggressive husband and with the distressful times that have made her life so difficult.

We as a community at Kibbutz Ein Hanatsiv have taken her under our wing, but without your help her situation would have been very different.

It warms the heart to see that there are people who are willing to give a hand to others, to women in distress, for no financial compensation, out of a true desire to help and with a big Kiddush Shem Shamayim.