"one more note. Battletoads wasn't the only cartoon
to have a pilot air on TV. in the mid 90's, another video game character
tried his hand in the animated series department, but failed to get past
the pilot. his name? Bubsy the bobcat."

What I just quoted was the end paragraph of the very first Tooncrap
article done all the way back in 2008. Complete with my severe lack of a
spell check, and likely my overuse of "it's". I had mentioned the Bubsy
cartoon, but never got around to it. Now, today is that day to put this
bobcat to rest.

A little back story. Back in the mid-90's, the
gaming industry was taken by storm by Sonic the Hedgehog, who's
anthropomorphic design, and hip attitude won the hearts of so many
gamers. With the success of Sonic, would naturally come several infamous
knock-off mascots for various game companies. These included the likes
of Awesome Possum, and Aero the Acro-Bat.

Even Mr. Nutz had his moment in the sun. Because when I think video game
mascots, I want to be reminded of my testicles.

But none were as
mildly successful as Accolade's wacky bobcat in the white shirt, Bubsy.
His debut title "Claws Encounters of the Furred Kind" proved to be a
solid seller for both the SNES and Genesis consoles respectively. So,
naturally Accolade planned to strap the rocket to their chatterbox cat
with his own animated series.

Though all we would end up getting
was a one-shot special. And thankfully, that's all we got because the
world is a better place without an animated series based off a really
shitty Sonic knockoff. So, what could possibly go wrong? Let's see for
ourselves as we review this thing.

The intro to the show is, well.. pretty damn pointless honestly. Oh sure
things happen in it, but nothing that would make you even laugh, or look
at Bubsy as a cool dude. Bubsy wakes up out of bed (after kissing the
alarm clock with his face on it), and goes to brush his teeth. He
decides that a regular toothbrush is for pussies, and goes for a buffer
instead, after giving us his catchphrase of "What could possibly go
wrong?"

He then gets sent spinning into
his kitchen where he... eats cereal, and throws his dishes in the sink.
Then he goes down a slide, and breakdances, and that's the intro. So,
out of that near minute we learn really nothing about the character,
other than he's hyperactive, and reckless. We then see the bumper which
reminds us again "What could possibly go wrong?"

Already I hate
this character, I'm already sick of his catchphrase, and I'm only at the
intro folks.

At least it's not the name of the episode or...

OH, COME ON!!!

Seriously, it's not even that catchy a
catchphrase. It's no "What's Up Doc?" or "Yabba Dabba Do". All it is, is
a really lame statement, that clearly is used as a way to prove Murphy's
Law right. And that's just kinda dumb. I dare say it, "What Could
Possibly Go Wrong" is worse than YOLO. Yeah, I said it. Okay, now back
to the actual episode.

We sprawl through a land of houses made of geometric shapes, into
the home of our purrtagonist, Bubsy (voiced by Rob Paulsen? Oh no. What
manner of evil is this?). We see an armadillo named Arnold having bad
dreams about being hit by a truck. Bubsy wakes him up by blowing into
his tail, which I'm guessing will be the least of his harassment worries
for this episode. Bubsy reminds Arnold that he wants him to be his
sidekick, which Arnold immediately freaks out because he doesn't want to
be his sidekick. So Bubsy kidnaps people and holds them against their
will? Our hero folks. Ain't he lovely?

Bubsy's nephew and niece (named Terry and Terri. Creative :P ) show
up, which freaks Arnold out, because they're surprisingly worse than
Bubsy. Bubsy hides him under the couch, then immediately rats him out,
like any best friend would. While they pull at Arnold, Bubsy turns on
the TV, which just happens to air a news report about armadillos being
hit by a truck. He turns into a ball, to which the twins then use as a
basketball.

Jeezum lord, I feel so bad for this guy. He's being
held against his will, and tortured, and beaten on. Clearly this was
meant to be because he's the comic relief, but I'm not laughing. It
sheds the other protagonists in a bad light, and really makes Bubsy and
his terror tots even more detestable. Our heroes folks.

We then get an interview with a scientist by the name of Virgil
Reality (ha), who has created a helmet that can make anyone's
imagination come to life. This pleases Bubsy, and scares me. Because
most likely his imagination involves armadillo sacrifices. Oh, and the
twins use Arnold as a bowling ball. Lovely.

With Virgil needing a
lunatic who'd test his helmet, Bubsy gladly answers the call, because
even he admits that he's a certified loony. Also, because he's brave,
craves adventure, and has to go where no bobcat has gone before. All of
which is littered with stock footage clips. Oh, and he's a hero for
crying out loud "If that's a crime, then book me"

No, but animal
abuse, and kidnapping. Those are big crimes.

Oh, and he utters
the catchphrase. Ugh.

But of course, Bubsy isn't the only one interested in the helmet, as
we meet our villain, a rotund evil rich cat named Allie (Allie Cat? Get
it? WELL DO YOU???). She sends for her two minions, a buzzard chef named
Boswell, and a hungry and brain damaged shrew named Sid. She tells them
that despite being the richest creature in the world, she still wants
more. Don't they all.

Meanwhile, Bubsy and his crew show up to
test the helmet, all while Virgil and his assistant Oblivia constantly
mispronounce Bubsy's name. Because, you know, it's so hard to remember.
Virgil tells Bubsy that by thinking of something, then blinking twice,
whatever you want will come to life. And of course, while warning Bubsy
to be precise with his thoughts is interrupted because the asshole is
too much in a rush. Bubsy says he wants to fly, because "What could
possibly go wrong?"

Dammit, every time I hear that phrase, I want
to punch something.

Because of Bubsy's A.D.D-addled brain, he sends everyone in the lab
falling to their imminent deaths. Virgil knocks the helmet off of Bubsy,
which falls onto Arnold's head. And since Arnold is forever tormented by
being run over by a truck, this is instantly what he thinks of, sending
a truck falling towards them. Bubsy imagines them to all be back in the
lab safely.. except for Arnold, who crashes through the roof. Bubsy then
steps on Arnold's tail and proceeds in self fellation about how nothing
went wrong.

Yeah, forget that you almost killed yourself, your
relatives, and innocent people. Screw you Bubsy. Just screw you.

And if Bubsy wasn't bad with the helmet, his nephew and niece then
take it the helmet, and sneak off. Hopefully they imagine themselves
drowning.

While they fight over possession of the helmet, Boswell
and Sid arrive, noticing that they have the helmet, and plan to kidnap
the two to eat, while giving Allie the helmet. As the two bobcats
imagine ponies in powerboats (I don't believe the bronies have done art
of that yet), the villainous duo try to capture them. Only to end up on
a roller coaster due to the helmet.

Finally realizing the twins
took the helmet, Bubsy and the rest of the "heroes" exit the lab, only
to see they're standing on roller coaster tracks, while the world has
become an amusement park. Bubsy tries to calm down Arnold. How? BY
SAYING THAT CATCHPHRASE!!!

Which leads to Arnold being hit by the
car the twins are riding. Seriously, Arnold. If I could get you out of
there, I would.

Bubsy suggest that he and Arnold be heroes, and
take the bull by the horns.

Not literally dammit.
And that they should beat the odds (to footage of an underwater boxing
match), and throw caution to the wind.I give them an A for something
different, but literal jokes centered around stock footage aren't funny.
They just aren't. Especially not in the context of this piece of garbage
cartoon. They also seem out of place in a show that's entirely animated,
and has no bearing to the real world. Plus, since there aren't humans in
this show, doesn't that just make things even more nonsensical. This
show, man...

It's time to be heroes, for crying out loud!
Because... GRRARARAAHAHHHH "WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG??"

*deep
breath*

"EVERYTHING! EVERYTHING IN THIS GOD FORSAKEN CARTOON HAS
GONE WRONG! STOP TRYING TO FORCE THAT DOWN OUR THROATS! IT'S NOT CATCHY,
IT'S NOT CREATIVE, IT'S NOT IMAGINATIVE! IT'S A LAME SAYING BY A LAME
CARTOON CHARACTER, ON A LAME CARTOON, TRYING TO PRETEND THAT IT'S COOL,
FUNNY, OR CREATIVE! AND IT'S NONE OF THOSE THINGS! SO FOR THE LOVE OF
GOD, CUT IT THE HELL OUT!!!!!!!!!!"

*deep breath*

You know
what. Anything I ever said about YOLO, I take it back. That's a far more
creative saying. Or how about one I just came up with. "Murphy's Law,
Mofos!"

"I'm going to go make a campfire near these full oil
drums, because Murphy's Law, Mofos!""I'm gonna pet this rabid dog.
It's okay, because Murphy's Law, Mofos!""I'm gonna review a cartoon
about a shitty, forgettable 90's cartoon character. Will it affect my
sanity? Murphy's Law, Mofos!"

Bubsy and Arnold end up getting stuck behind the Twins' roller
coaster car, as it goes up and down the tracks, while wondering if
Boswell (who they keep referring to as a turkey, because LAUGH!!!) will
puke. They use the helmet to stop the car, causing everyone but Terry
and Terri to fall to their deaths, which the duo approve of. If their
reign of terror couldn't get any worse, they turn into giants and step
on Bubsy and Arnold.

Now, I approve on the Bubsy abuse, but leave the poor armadillo
alone.

Bubsy and Arnold chew the two out for their recklessness
and the fact that they could have destroyed the world. Well, you know,
you brought them along asswipe, you're just as much to blame. Sid and
Buzz try to nab the helmet, and they fail again. Bubsy proclaims that
he's saved the entire planet, What could poss....

(8 more
minutes. Just eight more. You can do it. You survived Madballs, you can
survive this!)

Even Arnold finally chews him out on that cringe inducing
catchphrase as Boswell and Sid finally get the helmet and the twins by
just bumping into them and taking it. Rather underwhelming, but then
again, it's progress in this damn cartoon. Now with possession of the
helmet, Allie, you know, the villain from earlier? I could imagine you
forgot her amongst this chaos? Anyway, she imagines everything from
giant rings, to love seats. Bubsy finally starts to realize that things
actually CAN go wrong, and uses Arnold to hit himself on the head.

And then electrocutes Arnold. Do I even have to say anything any more?

This act clearly is enough to raise Bubsy's spirit, as he goes off
to save the twins. All while Arnold is still being electrocuted mind
you. Because, you know, it's such a larf. Instead of using a tracking
device, he just calls up Sid and Boswell, and tricks Sid into just
giving their address to him.

Buzz and Sid inform Allie of Bubsy's impending arrival (which she
finds as big an issue as her helmet hair). Bubsy arrives and asks Allie
to give the helmet back, before he has to humble her. Old country way?
They all fight over the helmet, but it ends up on Sid's head. To which
he uses to make a bee and a corn dog (zuh?).

What follows is an extremely rushed bit where almost everyone gets a
shot at the helmet. The twins imagine a birthday party, Boswell imagines
cooking everyone up. Oblivia imagines marrying Bubsy (Where in the hell
did that even come from?) Arnold imagines the truck (Again) and Oblivia
imagines her own TV show. Can't possibly be worse than this TV show.

Bubsy regains the helmet, but unfortunately for him it's in
overload, and set to explode on his head. So, he imagines something
crazy (which we never see), and manages to tie up the villains. Bubsy
has saved the day, and tells Arnold that you have to live on the edge,
and be a hero (accompanied, of course with stock footage). He puts the
helmet on, ready for his next adventure, only to be electrocuted. But
that's okay... Say the line...

What could possibly go wrong?

What could go wrong is this cartoon
lasting longer than a shitty Thanksgiving special that went nowhere. But
thankfully it didn't. And I can see why.

The protagonists are
unpleasant, unlikable, cruel, wacky without any real substance, and just
shit. Pure shit. The story isn't interesting, the villains aren't
interesting, the show feels too long, with too much pointless crap going
on. It never feels funny, nor exciting. The animation is bland and ugly.
And most importantly, that god damn catchphrase isn't catchy. it's
annoying.

When I brought Tooncrap back from the grave, I started
slow, I'll admit. The last few really didn't deliver the doody. But
this? This one is definitely a topper, that stands along Madballs: Gross
Jokes as the cartoons I almost tapped out on. But it's done and
finished. And this long teased Tooncrap is inducted, and I never have to
bother with it again.