Violence Against Women – Our Perpetual Mode of Denial

A few days ago I had a phone conversation with an American woman who has lived in India for more than 30 years. Married to an Indian, she works with the local midwives here. A mutual friend thought that she may have useful information to share, so connected us.

Unlike most people that I have spoken with about the book project, who understand the importance of the topic and support my work, she cautioned against casting ‘violence against women’ (the term she used when I told her the book addresses the issues of female foeticide, infanticide, arranged marriage, dowry, bride burning, the treatment of widows, etc.) in a wholly negative light. In her work, she told me, she tries to look for and highlight the positive as it relates to gender relations. I agreed that it is important to share both sides, to give as unbiased a view as possible, but told her that this is a topic that receives too little attention. She said we must be careful in telling other cultures that what they are doing is wrong – a classic case of political correctness. If something is wrong, it’s wrong. Failure to address the problem keeps women in danger.

We did agree that modernity is largely at work, and that these problems are prevalent among the affluent families. I think though that we both left the conversation feeling offended by the other. As a woman, I am perplexed how this problem – the genocide of a culture of women – does not offend every woman, of any culture. Is this related to what Donna Fernandes, director of Vimochana in Bangalore who I interviewed in 2006, refers to as our ‘perpetual mode of denial’?

I’m sure there are positive gender relations in India – I’ve met couples who are doing well. But their well-being is not positively influencing the negative situation that is bringing great harm to both Indian women and their culture.

These related stories come from The Times of India:

A father of a bride-to-be was killed after being stabbed by five armed men and robbed of 50,000 rupees (approx 1070.00 U.S.) that he was carrying on foot home for his daughter’s wedding. The man was stabbed repeatedly by the men who police suspect were locals who knew he was carrying the cash.

The 50,000 rupees was likely the remainder of the dowry that is typically given before the commencement of the wedding ceremony. Dowry can also be dangerous for the bride’s family.

A young woman has requested that the Supreme Court create guidelines to protect inter-religious couples after her husband was tortured to death by her parents and the police. The Muslim woman, who converted to Hinduism to marry, says that her sole crime was to fall in love with a Hindu. In her petition to the court she says: “Directions are required and guidelines be given by apex court in a Muslim or inter-religion marriage, so that peace and tranquility prevails for identically situated couples.” She is asking that charges be brought against the accused.

Arranged marriage controls whom can marry whom. Parents and families decide the criteria for a perfect match based on religion, caste, finances, status, etc.. Marrying outside of these criteria and against family wishes can result in dire consequences, including murder.

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The future of these girls depends upon giving this issue a wide audience.