3 Class Exercise: Stereotypes and IntimacyWe will view a video clip from the movie “What Women Want”What are the stereotypes associated with men/masculinity and women/femininity.How do these stereotypes influence intimacy?

11 Love StylesLudus (sounds like "lewd-us"): emphasizes the recreational aspect of sexuality and sensual pleasures. It may be part of a more committed relationship based on other loves styles, too.Mania: based on strong sexual attraction and emotional intensity, but a manic partner is extremely jealous, moody, and her/his need for attention is insatiable.

12 Colors of Love Manic and ludic – poorer psychological healthStorge and eros – higher psychological healthGender Differences:Men – more socially acceptable to have eros or ludus styles; less to have agape; more likely to have ludic styleWomen – more socially acceptable to have agape; less to have ludus; more likely to have pragmatic style

14 Love TrianglesLove is three elements that can be combined to produce 7 different types of loveThree basic elements:Passion – sexual desire and physical attraction; part of romantic loveIntimacy – connection and feelings of closeness; an emotional investmentCommitment – to love in the short term; to maintain that love in the long term

15 Love Triangles (Sternberg, 1998, 1999)Love changes as we matureDifferent forms of love may be experienced within the same couple throughout time

19 Class Exercise Is love essential for emotional survival?What are the characteristics of a truly loving relationship?How do you recognize love?Is it possible to love more than one person in a lifetime? More than one person at a time?

20 Behavioral Reinforcement TheoriesWe love because another person reinforces positive feelings in ourselvesPositive/rewarding feeling in the presence of another makes us like them, even if the reward is unrelated to that personLove is a result of many mutually reinforcing activities with a person

21 Cognitive Theories A behavior occurs, and then we interpret it as loveIf we think someone likes us, we are more prone to find them attractive

22 Physiological Arousal TheoriesPhysiological arousal is labeled with an emotion, such as loveWe are more likely to experience love when we are physiologically aroused for any reasonShaky bridge study (Dutton & Aron, 1974)Male participants on a “scary” bridge were more likely than males on a “safe” bridge to call a female they met on the bridgeArousal is not crucial for an emotional state

23 Evolutionary TheoriesHumans have 3 basic instincts:Need for protectionParent protects the childSexual driveWe love in order to produce offspringHeterosexual men want healthy women to carry offspringHeterosexual women want men with resources to care for her and the offspring

25 ChildhoodAttachment to the caregiver can affect attachment throughout lifeThe love of mother and father are importantMay be harder to be intimate with another as an adult if it was not experienced as a childThree attachment types:Secure – accepts caregiver leavingAnxious/ambivalent – panic if left aloneAvoidant – caregiver forces parting early

26 ChildhoodParental divorce is related to lower levels of trust a young adult (particularly female) experiences in intimate relationships

27 Adolescence Time to learn how to love, manage emotionsCreates a foundation for adult relationshipsRole repertoire – varied ways to relate with othersIntimacy repertoire – collection of behaviors used to create intimate relationships in lifeUsually begin with an unattainable crush; romantic love more likely if parents’ relationship is stable, at ease with own body

31 Intimate RelationshipsSelf-disclosure is importantThose who value intimacy tend to be more trusting, concerned for others, disclose more, have more positive thoughts about others, are perceived as more likable, smile, laugh, make more eye contact, and enjoy marriage more

32 Male and Female Styles of IntimacyCulturally transmitted gender roles may be the largest factor in affecting style of intimacyMen are inhibited from expressing intimacy, or maybe they just do it differently than women, such as through behaviorGay men are more likely to believe in the importance of sharing intimacy with a romantic partner than heterosexual men

33 Intimacy in Different CulturesCulture seems to be more influential than gender in love and intimacy styleIndividualistic vs. Collectivistic culturesStrength of stereotypical gender roles affects level of intimacy; the stronger the stereotype, the less attached couples areWestern countries rate love as highly important, less developed Asian countries rated love the lowest

34 Long-Term Love and CommitmentEffort and commitment are required to maintain a relationshipWomen feel lonely in a marriage that has less liking, marital satisfaction, self-disclosure, and loveMen feel lonely in a marriage that has less intimacy, liking, and communication

35 Love and SexInitial attraction increases intimacy: more eye contact, more touchesBody language reveals attraction, and the female typically startsInitially it is contact and conversation with bodies turned toward each other, followed by tentative touches that increase in duration and intimacy, then “full body synchronization”Higher sexual desire, less unfaithful thoughts

36 Developing Intimacy SkillsSelf-love – being at ease with ourselves, both the positive and negative qualitiesReceptivity – shows others we are open to communication, approachableListening – provide full attentionAffection – warmth and security with othersTrust – a requirement that develops slowlyRespect – acknowledge and understand another’s needs; don’t have to share them

38 Class ExerciseA college couple who live together have been having increased arguments.One partner wants the other to grow up and act mature.In return, the other suggests that they need to have more fun in their relationship.What advice would you give them?What are the short- and long-term prospects for this couple?

39 JealousyInterpretation and emotional reaction that a relationship is threatenedMost jealous if the person we believe is threatening the relationship has qualities we want ourselvesMore common with low self-esteem

40 Jealousy Men more jealous of a female’s sexual infidelityWomen more jealous of a male’s emotional infidelityBoth genders more threatened by sexual infidelity in short-term relationshipsBoth genders more threatened by emotional infidelity in long-term relationships

41 JealousyMale heterosexuals more jealous of male-female sexual infidelityHeterosexual women more jealous of male-male sexual infidelityMuch unknown about homosexual infidelityJealousy is in all cultures, although the reasons may varyJealousy shows a lack of trust & self-esteem

42 CompulsivenessLove releases phenylethylamine (also in chocolate), which produces feelings of euphoria and love addictionSociety and media reinforces the “need” to be in love and may be carried over from adolescence without maturing

43 PossessivenessTrying to manipulate the partner in attempts to feel worthyIs a sign of low self-esteem and can lead to stalkingMay require help from a mental health professional