Planning a Wedding

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This is a guest blog post from my dear, imaginary friend Janet. She wrote me a letter recently with the happy news that she is expecting to get married in the spring. It is copied here verbatim.

“Dear Maddie,

It was so nice to hear all your news! I’m well too and I have some good news for you – I’ve just found out that we can expect a wedding in the spring! I know you’ve been waiting for ages to hear me say this and although unexpected, we are over the moon.

I’ve told my parents, and Tom’s and they are, of course, thrilled and have started buying things already – so we have a new rice steamer and a set of crockery in the kitchen which are packed away ready to use after the big day.

Of course, I have thought a little about the wedding – I know you’ll be begging me for details. Of course, we’re having all the tests and apparently we are a ‘low risk couple, with only a 1 in 10 chance of divorce. I don’t want to take anything for granted though, so we’ve been to the lawyer’s office to get a ‘pre-nup’. I feel so reassured now I’ve seen the results of that and now we can just enjoy our engagement.

Our wedding is due on the 14th May and we plan to go to the Municipal Marriage Licence office to do the deed. I know you told me that ‘The Wedding Centre’ was more comfortable and that I could even get married in a gazebo in our beautiful garden, but we just feel safer going where they really know what they’re doing.

I mean, if Tom stood me up at the altar, or if, when they ask “if anyone knows any just cause or impediment…” someone shouts out that Tom’s already married, or has been sleeping with that awful ex of his, I just feel I’d like the Municipal Counsellors just outside the door. I’d probably want dose of valium to get over the shock, too – LOL!

We thought about cars, and flowers and music. They’re nice thoughts, but at the end of the day, all that matters is a healthy marriage. It seems a bit over the top to spend so much money when it’s just one day out of our lives, right?

So, we just reckon that we’ll turn up on the day and let the experts take the lead. They know such a lot about weddings that it seems sensible to follow their advice. My friend Jackie had such a fit of nerves on the day that she almost backed out and it looked like the marriage was in danger, but the Registrar gave her a special drug and everything was fine. She says he saved her life and the marriage is healthy now. I’m really worried that might happen to me and if we got married at home, it might be too late to intervene.

Of course, I’ve thought a LOT about what I’m going to wear. The ivory bugaboo with built in veil and bottle of champagne holder looks lovely. All my girlfriends are getting that model and, although it’s really expensive, it turns into a cocktail dress for the honeymoon.

Oh and that brings me to the subject of honeymoons! We’ve decided to go to a lovely hotel in the Bahamas. We’ve booked single rooms, cos I don’t want Tom to get too dependent on me. Remember Sarah? Her husband is SO clingy and I’m sure it’s because they share a bed.

Anyway, enough of me. Looking foward to seeing you soon! I’m so sorry, but I won’t be inviting you to the wedding. The Municipal Marriage Licence Office has a ‘one partner rule’ – I hope you’re not too disappointed.