It was coming to the end of wild chicken season at the allotment and we were all being encouraged to hunt them. Although uncomfortable with this ‘sport’, I let myself be convinced that I should dispatch the Head Hen using a poison pellet.

A few days later I discovered the chicken had survived my assasination attempt and had given an interview to Tim Roth in which she named and shamed me and swore vengeance. I was horrified. Tim Roth would ensure my name was mud all over social media.