Dick up and out the mouth

And so all these probable millennia is this how time works? Just like the rest of sex, the best way to mix up your BJ routine is to get tips and advice from other people. Which is where we come in.

When Bill Persky learned that two classic Dick Van Dyke Show episodes he co-wrote with his partner, Sam Denoff, would be broadcast in prime time on CBS this month—in newly colorized editions, no less—he contacted series creator Carl Reiner to see if his worst fear would be realized. Those two people would never have bought that couch. The comedy ran on CBS from tobreaking sitcom convention by focusing on a married couple whose lives were infinitely more interesting than the kid in the house.

The UK Prime Minister David Cameron has been accused of being many things during his tenure as leader of the country — but "pigfucker" is the latest allegation to be thrown his way. As far as I can tell, this is being reported as having been a one off rather than a series of pig assaults. There are also valuable social benefits to the news.

Because while blow jobs are fun and wonderful, if treated poorly they can be a source of drama and despair. Would you like to smush your face up against something sweaty and slightly stale-smelling? Would you also like to put your tongue on that sweaty, stale, possibly urine-tinged thing?

Dick is a common English euphemism for the human penis. Variants include dickhead, which literally refers to the glans. The offensiveness of the word dick is complicated by the continued use of the word in inoffensive contexts, including as both a given name and a surnamein the popular British dessert spotted dickin the classic novel Moby-Dickand in the Dick and Jane series of children's books.

Illustration by Catherine Soule. Come on, you know you've tried it. If you have a penis, a mouth, 15 spare minutes, and even an iota of curiosity, you've tried to see just how close you can get your face to that pesky little pecker you carry around in your pants. That's OK, man has been trying to get that thing into his mouth since the dawn of time.

Dick Bruna lived and worked in Utrecht for most of his life. His books have been translated into more than 50 languages and have sold more than 85 million copies worldwide. His illustrations also feature on a wide range of other products.

What more excuse do you need? Watching pornography can be a great way to bone up on technique. But remember: nobody is expecting a perfect porno reenactment.