My name is Tyler. I’m an alcoholic, chain smoking capricorn that just wants to be loved.

I figured I’d introduce myself, seeing as how you may come across some of my work in the near future. The asshole that runs this site happens to be a very near and very dear person that I used to borrow money from. We met shortly after we both learned how to poop in toliets. (We’ve known each other a while)

He mentioned that I could use his website to post some stuff I wanted to write about. I fully plan on making him regret this decision as much as possible.

But before I start in on my substance abuse problems, fascination with dolls, weird rashes, or anything else that gets me kicked out of the public library for talking about, I thought I’d share a few things about myself.

1. No one will give me car insurance.

2. I once failed a class in college because I didnt take the test because I had shit my pants on the way there. TRUE STORY. Really.

3. I like unicorns.

4. Best animated movie ever? Transformers. AND SO HELP ME GOD IF BAY FUCKS IT UP, he’s a dead man.

Ladies and gentlemen please join me in extending a warm welcome to The Tourist aka Tyler Riggs, a long, LONG time buddy of mine. He left the great white north for the sunnier Arizona and we recently started IM’ing thanks to another long time friend. Some random occasion a few years back he had told me that George Romero’s Land of the Dead was so terrible I shouldn’t even bother seeing it.

I was shocked. This was the same guy who first showed me the original Dawn of the Dead.

This is what I got in return for a two sentence question this evening, asking him why he felt so strongly about it:

One VERY good reason. George Romero has tried several times to make a serious movie outside of the zombie genre. he has failed famously. Land of the Dead (LOD) was probably the last major movie he was ever going to make. And instead of utilizing John Leguizamo and creating a massive epic of violence and subtle social commentary, he instead chose to go with a gay ass “ooo, lets feel BAD for the zombies, they’re people too!” hippy fucking BULLSHIT. My main problem with LOD isnt that its that bad, its that it wasnt awesome. He had a shot, one last chance to bring the whole genre he started together. He could have combined dawn and day and mixed in a little 28, but instead the movie limped along until its rotting corpse fell apart and rotted.