My Town

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Because every 3 years the airwaves burst out in debate about the Accident Compensation Corporation being opened up to private business.

Nick Smith and National are having another crack.

Poor old Owen Woodhouse. In 1967 after years of deep thinking he recommended a no fault scheme for injuries.By 1974 it was in place.The rest of the world, lost in a mire of litigation and fault, were instantly jealous.

Now old, Owen must sigh at the Johnny-come-latelys who after a moments contemplation think they can re-invent a world leader.

They are what I like to call the Right-Lite.

The most politically correct people in the world; they follow mantras and don’t consider the detail. They have simple slogans that demean their opponents.

Nanny state. PC gone mad. State owned is bad.4 legs good, 2 legs bad.Orwell had it wrong.Right-Lite think they are in charge of the Animal Farm.

ACC is not perfect.But a country that hasn’t experienced the nightmare of litigation from private accident insurance in nearly 40 years should not abandon a scheme that has enabled New Zealanders to be New Zealanders.

ACC has allowed us to kayak and bungee jump and ski and zorb without calling a lawyer first to make sure he/she is on call.

So really, the only beneficiary of this are insurance companies and I think they donate more to National than any other party. And compare Western Pacific to the EQC.And consider the money that already flows out to the Australian banks and then consider who will own the insurance companies that will benefit from this change.

Respect Owen Woodhouse in his final years.He did good.

And fear Right-Lite.Because in a country like ours.So isolated and yet open to the buffets of international finance the mantra has to be pragmatism.And sometimes state owned can be the best option.

Friday, May 20, 2011

At 6pm all God’s followers will ascend into heaven, leaving all non-believers behind to dwell in turmoil before the end of the world. There's going to be earthquakes and volcanoes and even the dead will rise and wander around as long as their legs haven't rotted off completely.

According to 89-year-old Harold Camping, a retired civil engineer and California-based Christian radio broadcaster, Jesus Christ will return to Earth because it's exactly 7000 years since Noah's flood.

It's called "The Rapture".

And so obviously it’s time for MY LAST BLOG EVER. Because I'll either have ascended or else wandering around in an apocalypse with no internet.

So, It’s been a good life.Some regrets.

I regret that my Dad died 16 years ago.

That’s him on the left.That’s me in the middle.That’s me in the spotlight . Sharing my parents.It’s 1965.

My biggest regret about my Dad dying 16 years ago is that my eldest son was born 15 years ago.

He would have been the world’s best Grandpa.

And you know what, that’s it.

Really. That’s my only regret.

I’m regretting the world ending, of course, but putting all my little regrets up against that one, Dad is the only who makes the cut.

So how ‘bout blessings.

I have been blessed with a beautiful homeland.

Faced with the end of the world it’s the unspeakable sadness that the glistening snow and grandeur of the top of Mt Ruapehu will be soon gone.

Gone will be the thundering surf of Whananaki, as a flash of the orange bill of an oystercatcher catches the corner of your eye and you see it’s flying with it’s mate.And a million silica stars twinkle in the sand.

The so very green green of the Waikato.The burnt brown of Hawkes Bay and the Port Hills. I will regret never seeing those blessings again.

I have been blessed with a bunch of boys who have been good mates since childhood.And while we don’t see each other nearly enough, when we do the separation melts away.11 boys, give or take.No divorces. 1 death.40 years.Pretty blessed.

I have been blessed with Catherine and Pat.Mums. Nuff said.

But on reflection.With only hours of life left.I need to tell the doomed world this.

My one true blessing is Helen, Jack and Ben.

Isn’t that funny.Billions of people. Millions of miles of life and landscape.The whole Universe that has ever been.Nothing matters but those 3 people. 3 tiny lumps of carbon and water. Oh and Saffi, the labradoodle

And one of them’s only 12 years old.Yet he beats anything you could throw at me.

Frankly he even beats God.Who is obviously a dickhead for choosing to end the world on Saturday.

OK, so probably it's Harold Camping who is the dickhead.

Or maybe he too is a blessing.

Because today I counted my regrets and my blessings and my blessings won. If the world doesn’t end this weekend I’m going to do this every week

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Last week John Key paid a visit to “Mike West in the Morning” of Manawatu’s More FM.

I knew he was going to be on because Mike Facebooked it, saying that he had a surprise in store for the Prime Minister.

Of course, if he said that in other countries we’d be asking which Caribbean island he was being water boarded in right now. But this is New Zealand and no alarm bells rang.

Instead the leader of this country walked into a regional radio station where he was presented with a comb over wig to wear.

I don’t know if this was some savage commentary on Donald Trump’s failed presidential dalliance. But somehow I don’t think so.

I assume that is was “wacky Radio 101”, where a stunt is concocted to make an interview more memorable. Though, much and all as I love your work Mike, a visit to the $2 dollar shop for a wig is not exactly comedy gold. I mean, a visual joke…on the radio?

Anyhow, the point is, THE PRIME MINISTER PUT IT ON!!!

And then allowed a photograph to be taken wearing his goofy grin, which then spread around the globe on the web!

And this is because this Prime Minister has a pathological need to be liked.

And because he needs to be liked, his government did not repeal the Labour spend up from the previous term that aided the middle class more than the poor.

And because he needs to be liked, his government continued with his promised tax cuts that aided the rich instead of the poor.

And because he needs to be liked, the reforms to be announced on Thursday will not come into force until after the election so he can claim that we like them and therefore we like him.

And now here we are with more debt than ever before and an economic policy that doesn't know if it's Arthur or Martha.

I’ve just been reading about the 2010 budget that raised the GST and cut the tax. Everyone said it would only work with growth. Well what happened? 2 Earthquakes, some floods, some big bills to bolster failed finance and insurance companies and unfortunately not enough growth.

While many have said what this country needed was a true centrist, John Key’s management of the economy has been as goofy as that grin he’s wearing in the photo.

You see a nice park in another city and think it would make a good evacuation point

You sleep in one suburb, shower in another, collect water from yet another and work elsewhere.

You drive on the right side of the road and no one thinks it's wrong

You are happy two Policemen came for a visit

Your bike becomes your best friend

You think it's fine for a soldier to be stationed at the end of your street

You see armoured vehicles driving down the road

A portaloo is a status symbol

It’s normal to greet people with “do you need a shower?”

A bucket of shit is no longer that old car you drive

Every house is a crack house

Instead of rushing to the clothes line to get clothes in when it rains, you put dirty washing on the line in the hope that it will rain enough to clean them

Going to Wellington to escape earthquakes makes sense

Your doctor recommends having a few stiff drinks before bed to help you sleep

You know how to start and refuel a generator

You have tied the pantry, liquor cabinet and all the cupboard doors closed and it's not to keep kids out

You prefer to sit under the table instead of at it

You think electronics that have "shock proof" labels should say to which earthquake magnitude

You know and actually understand the terms and conditions of your House and Contents insurance policies

You can see irony in claims about houses made of “permanent materials”

Your en-suite has a vege garden, dog kennel and grass

You and the cat fight over digging a hole in the garden!

Your teenagers are only too happy to sleep in the same room as their parents

You stop using the term “built like a brick shit house”

Dressing up to "head into town" means putting on a hi-viz vest, hard hat and boots

Discussing toilet habits with total strangers is an everyday norm

Wee boys don't get excited when they see (another) digger or a dozer - but all the adults in the street cheer wildly

Voluntarily staying in Timaru for five days seems like a good idea

You know what that extra gear lever on your 4X4 is for

Metservice includes a graph for dust

You have dust mask tan lines

You can use the term "liquefaction" in everyday casual conversation, even your 3-year old can understand.

A massive group of students appears in your street, you feel overwhelmed with gratitude instead of calling the Police. What’s more, the students leave the street in better condition than when they arrived