You can't talk methods on this forum.... sorry.
I do understand how your feeling but I can't tell you how your life will end.
Suicide is a decision, dieing naturally is just an outcome to life.
You'll die either way.

ill be dead in a year anyway, I feel my body is finally giving out from all the damage I have done

should I get revenge on my enemies? should I take the cowards way out just as I have done all my life and wither away into nothingness and just wind up killing myself

what a fucking life I have led, just unreal unbelieaveble, what a fucking life

but I like this board though, I am kind of jealous of other people but I would say this board is about the only place I feel at home on the internet, though I wish there was another board for people who are beyond lost causes and I would probably feel more at home

Everything that lives eventually dies. I doubt revenge or being a coward will really effect that outcome. Suicide is something the scares others so much that it's not a welcome subject in any conversation.... even on the internet they warn us to be quiet.

I do agree it would be nice to have a forum that was pure freedom of speech and wasn't regulated as much as SF. It be nice to talk with people who accept their demise and not be judged or abused by the people who think everything can change and everyone can get better. To be honest not everyone does get better. Time wont heal all the wounds and eventually you will just find yourself bleeding to death.