Wednesday, 29 June 2016

Following Quar’s ultimatum to bring him the Batman, Gotham’s tearing itself apart to find him or else the Kandorians kill them all. But the heroes are rallying as Carrie, aided by Aquaman, sets out to free Superman from his black matter prison, Wonder Woman is having second thoughts about isolationism, and the Dark Knight’s plan begins to unfold…

Marvel relaunch their female Thor series after just two volumes because of Secret Wars despite there being no real change after that event. Le sigh. It’s easy to see why irregular/non-comics readers get confused trying to read superhero books in a certain order when the fucktards at Marvel/DC are constantly pulling the rug out from under them.

Jake Santee has discovered the secret to immortality: a home-made whiskey called Ol’ Death Whisper. Sup this and you’ll live forever! When his daughter unexpectedly dies, 99 year-old Jake takes in his grandson Tiny, who of course grows up to be a giant! The two live happily on the farm until they make an enemy: the wild pig Lockjaw. While hunting Lockjaw one day, Tiny finds an abandoned baby duck and takes her in. Her name? Fup.

Monday, 27 June 2016

With Steve Rogers suddenly an old coot and retired, someone has to be Captain America: enter Cap’s long-time sidekick, Sam Wilson aka the Falcon aka… the All-New Captain America! The Marvel version of Nazis, Hydra, are up to their old tricks and want to sterilise the human race with a blood bomb - it’s up to Sam and his bird Redwing to save the world!

Wolverine’s currently “dead” as a piece of modern art and apparently someone in the Marvel universe needs there to be a Wolverine so who better to step into the iconic yellow outfit than his female clone/daughter Laura Kinney aka X-23? But that’s the thing with clones - you make one, you can make more, and Laura discovers the shady Alchemax group has been doing just that with her DNA. Laura’s got some sisters and of course some villains want them dead - time to snikt, Wolverines!

Sunday, 26 June 2016

The book opens with a boring standalone story about the mystery of how and why a SHIELD helicarrier, with what appears to be the classic SHIELD lineup headed by Nick Fury, appears out of nowhere in deep space.

Like in X-Men: First Class, Magneto is a hunter of mutant-haters in his solo series, an anti-heroic protector of mutantkind doing what he feels has to be done with lethal force. In this second volume, his travels takes him to China where a new strain of MGH (Mutant Growth Hormone which, when injected, gives the user temporary mutant powers) is being produced, before the garbage Marvel event Axis sends him to the fallen mutant city of Genosha where the Red Skull is up to some stereotypical bad guy bullshit.

Saturday, 25 June 2016

Jonathan Noel is a French bank guard who, for decades, has lived a very orderly and timid, almost non-existence which is one day shattered when a pigeon appears in his apartment building’s hallway. Patrick Suskind’s novella takes the reader through a day in this quiet man’s life as his mind unravels…

Friday, 24 June 2016

Josephine and Simon get together and the story goes through the motions of couples dating: they get to know each other’s friends and family, move in together, and then kids.

They’re a good match as Josephine can’t cook and Simon can, and it’s amusing seeing her single friends try to make it seem like nothing will change with them now that Josephine ain’t single like them. I also wasn’t sure if they’d keep the baby – they do live in godless France after all! – but Josephine does desperately want to be a mother so I should’ve guessed.

Thursday, 23 June 2016

In the 22nd century clean water is the most precious resource. The United States, having ignored climate change until it was too late and because of the crime against humanity that is Celine Dion’s music, has invaded Canada and begun taking their water. But a small rebel force, the Canadian Resistance, have begun the fight back against the overwhelming might of the American military in a desperate attempt to reclaim their country. They are the Two-Four and this is We Stand On Guard, eh?

Wednesday, 22 June 2016

Five years after Volume 6: The Last of the Innocent, Ed Brubaker and Sean Phillips’ award-winning signature series Criminal is finally back with Volume 7: Wrong Place, Wrong Time! The book collects the two Criminal one-shot specials: last year’s The Savage Sword of Criminal, which celebrated Criminal’s move from Marvel’s Icon imprint to Image Comics, and last April’s special that celebrated Criminal’s 10th Anniversary this year. Both comics are superb too making this volume arguably the best in the series so far.

In my March 2012 review of Scarlet Book 1 I optimistically mentioned that Book 2 would soon be out - over four and a bit years later and the second five-issue arc has finally completed! And Brian Michael Bendis isn’t a slow writer either, this guy cranks out scores of comics each year! Anyway, good things come to those who wait and Scarlet Book 2 is very good.

Tuesday, 21 June 2016

Nicky Belane is the best private dick in LA and that makes him a busy boy. He must find the acclaimed, long-presumed dead French novelist Celine for Lady Death, the ultimate femme fatale, help a mortician escape a body-snatching alien called Jeannie Nitro and find the Red Sparrow, whatever that is! But has Belane bitten off more than he can chew this time?

I love when I’m surprised by a book - I’ve read Greg Pak before, he’s not really my kind of writer, and, after Grant Morrison left Action Comics, I didn’t expect the series to be as good, but the first volume of Pak and Aaron Kuder’s run is quality!

Lana Lang happens to be part of a mining operation in Venezuela which unwittingly unleashes a subterranean monster - Superman to the rescue!

Monday, 20 June 2016

Le sigh, the perils of love! After her breakup with Olivier, Josephine decides on self-improvement, getting new embarrassingly gauche workout clothes, thinking about liposuction for her bum, and lusting after beautiful designer dresses. She’s still looking for the perfect guy though and stumbles across Julien, who seems to be all that – but is he?

The Sixth Gun Volume 8 sees The Grey Witch Griselda finally unite the six guns and open the seal to bring about Armageddon. So it’s the end of the series? Nope! It’s the end of… er… the first “season”? Because the main cast are still around and have moved on to the next level or something. Well, Hell and High Water was such a crap finale I think this might be the end of The Sixth Gun for me at any rate.

Sunday, 19 June 2016

This book collects two novellas by the whimsically named Banana Yoshimoto: Hardboiled and Hard Luck. Both are total garbage.

Hardboiled is about a woman who’s glum about her recent breakup with her girlfriend. The story takes a cheesy campfire ghost story turn towards the end though that’s about the only remotely interesting part of both stories.

A year after a devastating attack on Star City, a massive wall has been erected cordoning off the seemingly unsalvageable part of the city from the rest that’s trying to rebuild. Uh… ok! Ollie Queen is now Mayor but is being targeted by the world’s deadliest assassin, Deathstroke - but not if Green Arrow can stop him first!

It’s nearly that time again when a small percentage of Americans argue over which of the two Illuminati-controlled figureheads will enforce the status quo for the next four years while everyone else burps and carries on with their lives. What better time to do a story about Loki running for office?

Friday, 17 June 2016

I’ve been chipping away at Joe Hill’s latest bowel movement, The Fireman, for a few weeks now and was aghast to discover today that I’ve only made it 25% into the book. I’m not a slow reader, it’s just that crummy a read and I’m not going to force myself to make it through the remaining 75% (literally hundreds of pages) of crap writing/story/characters/dialogue/fucking everything just to write a more informed bad review; instead I’m cutting my losses here and walking away!

What up nerf-herders, it’s Han Solo’s solo comic and it can do the crappy run in less than 12 parsecs!

This is the third new Marvel Star Wars title to come out this year (not counting the C-3PO one-shot) after Obi-Wan & Anakin and Poe Dameron, both by Charles Soule, both terrible, and unfortunately the downwards trend continues with Marjorie Liu and Mark Brooks’ Han Solo #1.

Thursday, 16 June 2016

Los Angeles, sometime in the future. Humanity is extinct except for one dude: King, who works for the LA Department of Reclamation as a Hero/Adventurer. His mission? Find the Life Seed and save the world.

Wednesday, 15 June 2016

At the start of The Dark Knight Returns we learned that Bruce was retired from being Batman because of the death of Jason Todd, aka Robin 2. Now, for the first time, Frank Miller, Brian Azzarello and John Romita Jr take us back to the time before TDKR to the last outing of Batman and Robin - their Last Crusade - and the final days of the short and tragic life of Jason Todd.

Tuesday, 14 June 2016

Ever since Deadpool was made an Avenger (do they turn away anyone?!) his real world popularity has translated to the Marvel U’s as well and he’s been making a buck on his image selling all kindsa crap with his face on - he’s become the Merch with a Mouth! He’s so in demand he’s even hired a group of Marvel’s least-loved characters to put on his outfit and pretend to be him on merc missions and public appearances: Deadpool’s Heroes for Hire! And then “Deadpool” starts murdering government officials. What’s bad about that? “Deadpool’s” doing it for free! This wannabe’s crossed the line…

Monday, 13 June 2016

The strange thing about JT LeRoy’s Sarah is that the story of the author is far more interesting than the story she writes in this novel - it’s almost always the other way around! JT (“Jeremiah Terminator” - I guess the name should’ve been a giveaway) was a transgender woman who grew up as an abused, drug-addicted teenage boy prostitute in the South and Sarah was her heavily autobiographical debut novel.

Sunday, 12 June 2016

Heroes in a half-shell - Turtle Power! You know them, I know them, they’re the Teenage Motherlovin’ Ninja Turtles! I watched the cartoon, the live-action movies, bought the toys and played the awesome NES video game (the second one) - I was a huge fan as a kid. Haven’t really liked the recent IDW comics but I heard that the original Peter Laird/Kevin Eastman comics from whence the Turtle empire sprang were some hardcore adult shit, not like the sanitized kiddie stuff I was familiar with - I had to read them!

Saturday, 11 June 2016

Superman’s going through some ch-ch-chaaanges: he’s generally depowered and can no longer fly - like when he first appeared, he can now just jump really high - but he’s also got this incredibly strong new solar flare power. Then a new tech company called Hordr threatens to reveal Superman’s secret identity to the world - unless he plays ball with them. Will the Man of Steel become a corporation’s puppet in order to keep his loved ones safe?

The Injection is a massive rogue artificial machine-learning system that is operating uncontrolled somewhere in the ether. Detective Vivek Headland and his colleagues, who created Injection, are trying to find it while another group, Rubedo, are trying to capture it, believing it’s the Philosopher’s Stone. But what does a stolen ghost and a slab of human bicep meat have to do with it??

Batman: Ego and Other Tails collects all of Darwyn Cooke’s Batman comics in one handy volume - and it’s a pretty good read!

The title story sees Bruce traumatised after seeing one of Joker’s henchmen kill his family and himself rather than wait for the Joker to bust out of Arkham, as he always does, and come for them as payback for ratting him out. The deaths force Bruce to question himself as he talks through his issues with a cartoonishly monstrous Batman!

Thursday, 9 June 2016

Wow. Really - WOW. Dan Abnett couldn’t have produced a less energised, less inspired, more generic or pure work-for-hire piece of hackery than he did with Aquaman Rebirth #1. It’s not even so-bad-it’s-good, it’s just bad - I put this comic down twice before forcing myself to power through to the end and it’s just one regular-length issue!

J’onn J’onzz is the Martian Manhunter, the last of his kind - or is he? J’onn discovers the shocking truth behind his origin and faces a terrible choice: save his adopted home, Earth, or resurrect his long-lost home planet, Mars?

It’s the end of the first year at King’s Dominion and time for the Freshman Finals. The test? Kill all the rats!

For a book whose story is predicated on a Royal Rumble-esque non-stop battle between teenagers, the fourth volume of Deadly Class is mega-boring! Marcus and co. have to survive as their classmates turn on one another, stabbing, shooting, and poisoning their way throughout the night, racing towards the dawn and victory.

Monday, 6 June 2016

If you were hoping this one would pick up right after the first book, think again and get your sick bag ready because this one’s an origin story set during... the prequel, Revenge of the Sith (vomits).

The Hercules Method transformed Luther Strode from an ordinary kid into a god-like superhero. Many others were similarly changed, developing “strange talents” of their own - except, unlike Luther, most chose to use their powers for evil, forming The Murder Cult. Now, in this third and final book of the series, Luther is set to destroy the Cult once and for all by taking out the head: the biblical Cain. Seconds out - fight!

Sunday, 5 June 2016

Jessica Jones used to be a superhero (“Jewel”) but she’s put the bright outfit away for a grunge-y grrrl look and opened her own private detective business, Alias Investigations. While her cases are mostly cheating spouses, her latest one sees her stumble across an iconic superhero’s secret identity, unwittingly becoming a pawn in a larger political game involving a Presidential candidate!

Saturday, 4 June 2016

Hitler wants to bomb the White House but he needs the rare metal vibranium to build his ICBMs with. Where’s the one place vibranium is found? Wakanda. As Baron von Strucker and the Red Skull prepare to invade the Black Panther’s country, they’re closely followed by Captain America, Nick Fury and the Howling Commandos looking to thwart the Fuhrer’s plans - time for a rumble in the jungle!

Friday, 3 June 2016

Agatha Christie is the best-selling novelist of all time having sold roughly 2 billion copies and her books are among the most widely-published in the world, third only to Shakespeare and the Bible! But while generations of readers have enjoyed her gripping whodunits, her own life wasn’t quite as interesting as shown in this short biographical comic, Agatha: The Real Life of Agatha Christie.

Thursday, 2 June 2016

Stephanie Brown/Spoiler accidentally ignites a city-wide gang war in Gotham and it’s up to the Bat family to end it!

War Games is soooo boring! Aside from the occasional cameo by a familiar crim like Penguin, Ventriloquist or Hush, it’s Batman and co. fighting no-name gangsters in a vague, rambling plot line that goes nowhere. It’s impossible to care about when it feels so generic and unexciting. I mean, Batman fighting thugs is what he does during a storyline, it’s not usually THE storyline!

Wednesday, 1 June 2016

Haruki Murakami’s first novel Hear the Wind Sing is like a lot of first novels in that it’s unfocused, rambling and mostly about the author - and yet it’s kinda compelling because of how well written it is!