American Pie’s Jim Levenstein, played by Jason Biggs, could use a lesson or two in how to deal with awkward situations.Source:News Corp Australia

IT’S a moment many of us dread — how to have that awkward conversation or deal with a confronting issue without looking like a total failure.

Now one author has revealed how to talk your way out of any situation in life, and it’s not as hard as we think.

Let’s face it, having that conversation with your boss or needing to break some bad news to a mate or partner is something few of us enjoy.

But fear not, because there’s always a way to deal with relationship confrontations and breakdowns — it simply involves avoiding “regretitis” and learning the art of feedback.

It may sound simple, but it’s not. According to Fixing Feedback author Georgia Murch, giving and receiving feedback is not always clear cut, leading to feelings of awkwardness and regret when we don’t get our point across properly.

Ms Murch, who has more than 20 years’ experience working with public and private organisations on creating effective feedback, said while talking was a simple skill, learning how to give and receive feedback was a whole new ball game.

And she admits it can be even harder when it comes to confronting someone, or having a difficult conversation with a nasty colleague.

The good news, however, is that you’ll always come out on top, so long as “you’re not a d*** about it”.

Thank god we don’t all have difficult bosses like Miranda Priestly in the Devil Wears Prada.Source:YouTube

“What I mean by that is it’s not a gender issue or limited to guys, but rather is anything that holds you back from communicating properly,” she said. “It’s anything that holds you back from having that conversation.”Ms Murch said this could mean going into a situation being defensive or being proactively rude and aggressive.

For example, don’t just ask the boss for a payrise. Instead begin by mentioning all the good things you’ve done in recent months.

“Go in armed with facts, not opinion,” she said. “The advantage is people can’t argue with something based on fact.”

Ms Murch said so many people went into a situation or conversation with loaded opinions, something she said to keep at the door if you really wanted to come out on top.

She said moving those aside would ensure the other person really listened to what was being said as you put your own feelings and ideas aside.

“People have a natural fight or flight response, which in confronting situations can turn into a big case of regretitis.”

She said learning how to give and receive feedback was a skill that would set people up to deal naturally and effortlessly with life’s awkward and difficult conversations.

“Relationships are all about conversations,” she said.

With that in mind, here are her top tips for winning in any difficult situation.

1. Be aware: This means being able to separate fact from your opinion.

2. Managing anger and feelings: This is easier said than done when you’re feeling resentful towards a friend or colleague. But these emotions will ultimately set you up to fail in a confronting situation as it means people often lose their cool.

3. Don’t assume anything: Don’t go into a conversation or situation thinking you know it all because chances are you don’t, Ms Murch said.

4. Avoid verbal assassination: Yep, this means thinking before you speak and realising a conversation is two-way so listening as well.

5. Be aware of triggers: Know what makes you upset, angry or feel awkward and own it.

“For example, if you don’t trust the person you’re dealing with, you’re not going to accept what they say,” Ms Murch said. “Instead look beyond it and find the gold.”

6. Don’t aim to win: Ms Murch said going into a difficult situation believing you would “win” was far from ideal. She said just by listening to another side of things we give ourselves a golden opportunity to learn and develop.