From the prestigious
Bob Jones University web site, we
are privileged to share in a letter from the oddly named Bob Jones III,
president of the school that so proudly bears his name. He sends his
congratulations to the newly elected POTUS, and tells him

In your re-election, God
has graciously granted America -though she doesn't deserve it - a reprieve
from the agenda of paganism. You have been given a mandate. We the people
expect your voice to be like the clear and certain sound of a trumpet...

Don't equivocate. Put your
agenda on the front burner and let it boil. You owe the liberals nothing.
They despise you because they despise your Christ.

Responding on behalf of those who have
worked so hard in recent years to try and ensure a return to
paganism is Cthulhu, He of four eternities.

"Oh, this is just dandy," said the ancient
creature whose name must not be spoken, speaking from his stony lair near
Lake Michigan. "They've just got to diss the Ancient Ones, don't they? It's about
time I had a chance to rule America... Where's my mandate? I want a friggin
mandate of my own! Cthulhu demands a mandate! I... uh... oops... I spoke my
name. Slipped right out it did... oh man... now I've got to sleep for twenty
years... so close... so close."