Who Would Jesus Vote For Pt. 1

We are in deep trouble and have been for a long time. Our politicians have maxed out the Government’s credit cards and are looking to extend their credit line even further. No problem, since the American people and our creditors around the globe are on the hook for it.

So, let’s ask some questions. What should we cut back on, entitlements? "Forget those freeloading bastards, taking their welfare checks and living the good life!" How about military spending? "The one thing that Jesus made clear is to try and evangelize those heathen dogs, and if they don't come around, shoot them and their families." That is, after all, the Old Testament way. If we cut back on military spending, what happens to all those people in the military—guns loaded, bayonets fixed, bombs that we paid for with our hard-earned tax dollars, just going to waste. If we don't shoot first and ask questions later, we will become victims of Jihad-crazed loony’s trying to convert God's people (Americans) into turban-wearing, goat-fondling, hate-filled, dark-skinned, praying-four-times-a-day-facing-east religious fanatics! No sir, not me! It seems like they don't want us in their country, so why should we stay where we're not wanted? Who needs that precious oil that fills our tanks and allows us to drive around like wandering nomads, enabling us to run our AC full blast, even in the winter time?

Maybe, if we cut back on food, travel and comfort we can do without? Who are we kidding? Let’s blast them back into the stone age—wait a minute, they’re already in the stone age, so the amount of blasting can be kept to a minimum. The fact that Muslims experienced their enlightenment, oh.....ten centuries before many Europeans did doesn't matter, we’re on top now, don't try and get fancy with history and logic, you’re upsetting my carefully-orchestrated worlview, “maybe somebody else needs to be bombed?” Remember, this colonialism thing has been around since forever. The Jews in Jesus’ time weren't exactly happy about Rome, with their incredible technology, clean water, sewers, sophisticated political ideas—the fact that Rome was invited into Jerusalem by Israel’s leaders to keep the peace in a conflicted war-torn land is beside the point. "Wait a minute, you’re bringing up that history stuff again—trying to confuse the clarity of my carefully constructed belief system!"

We could solve the problem by drilling for oil in our own country; after all, we have enough of the stuff lying around. But, that would only create jobs and end our reliance on Middle-Eastern oil, meaning that we would be cutting off their funding for jihad and force them to suppress the radical element within their country, forcing them to reduce the price of oil through good ole competition. What about the environment? Better to kill tens of thousands of Israeli's and Palestinians and jack our military spending and taxes through the roof than mess up our own environment!

How about natural gas? It burns 90% clean, costs about half of what we pay now to fill our tanks, but then, how could we justify war and the vast military spending that goes along with it? Didn't think about that, did you? What about Israel? Just because we helped install them in power in Palestine (the land of the Philistines, the name for it even in Jesus’ time) against the will of the people that have lived there for the past two thousand years, at just about the time that we came to the conclusion that the world's primary oil supply would end up being in the Middle-East, is just a coincidence, trust me on this one.

Who cares if Israel (no anti-Semitism intended) was tossed out of Jerusalem twice and their Temple destroyed (according to the Bible, both Old and New Testament) who knows better than America, the new Israel (according to many American-Christians) who should be in control, certainly not the people who've lived there for a couple of millennia. "Wait a minute, now you’re getting all theological and political,and beginning to sound like an atheist-pinko. That's your interpretation of the Bible, and you’re using history and logic and stuff to confuse the minds of the anointed

Who is better qualified than Americans to determine what people should believe and how they should live? Look at all the stuff that we have! Reality television, football, beer, lots of fast-food restaurants, free Internet porn. If those rag-head bastards got on the Big Mac, porn bandwagon their lives would no doubt improve. Military spending in real terms is only about 50% of our annual budget—and it makes for one heck of a jobs program—and it keeps us safe from wackos with different political and religious perspectives.

So, let’s get down to fundamentals. Both parties love to spend your money, there is a slight disagreement about how much and where, but very little. Every Congressman and their congressional district benefit from that big pile-o-pork that we call a budget. They’re happy to complain about someone "else's" pork, just not their own. Remember the Golden Rule, “Do unto others as you would have them to do for you, if you could force them to through some cleverly-worded legislation.” Why? Because high taxes are good for the economy! What better way to grow an economy than to make sure that the government skims a bunch of your hard-earned dough off the top and then creates a lot of new rules to protect you from yourself. You can’t be trusted to think for yourself, the fact that you believe you can only makes my point. What did Jesus say, “More rules and regulations, that's what we need, we don’t have enough law, how about some more!”

I think I’ve made my point! Don’t think for yourself, ever, wait for the smart ones, the ones on T.V. to tell you what to think, only then will you understand, because you haven’t gotten bogged down in unimportant things, like reason and logic, or facts—trust me, you’ll only get a headache—and be unhappy—and being unhappy is not good!