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Wednesday, December 16, 2009

New Year's Eve Dissolution

It's almost New Years Eve, another holiday season come and gone. I have already received text messages and calls asking what I'm doing on the blessed night and have not a clue; however, I'll tell you what I'm not doing: making a New Year’s resolution.

Every year I overhear people coming up with fundamentally idealistic plans to drop 50 pounds and quit smoking the first of the year; because December 31 is that different from January 1.

Resolutions have morphed into restraining orders against us, rather than promises of improving decently progressive area's of our lives. Isn't that what they are for anyway? Not cutting ourselves off.

Resolutions shouldn't involve blood, sweat and tears or unfeasible dreams because they are too vague. It’s inevitable we fail if our means to achieve are only as pragmatic as the resolution itself.

I like to live life comfortably. By that, I mean I don't like pictures of overtly thin and scary models on my fridge tagged with Post-it note’s telling me to hop on a treadmill instead of grabbing ice cream. I don’t need to feel the awkward years of High School all over again in my kitchen. That alone is therapy for another six years.

I'm not forbidding myself from drinking or even cutting back. I enjoy a drink--or three--here and there. Those who say they want to drink less after the first of the year sound like they need less of a resolution and more of a treatment center. I hear Promises in Malibu is nice.

I'm not going to tell myself to floss more, that will make me floss less.

I'm not hitting the gym every day, twice a day, and forcing myself to love it. Making your resolution to get in shape doesn’t have to be boot camp. Ever heard of resentment? You may be familiar with it if you're reading this and these were indeed your resolutions. I'm saving you from yourself. Thank me later.

I'm not declaring strangers my new best friend. No way. Yeah, you're cute or you have an interesting way about yourself, but I like to Google strangers before adding you to all 33 of my social networks and introducing you to friends and family.

To be realistic is simple: resolute the attainable. Let’s be honest, learning six languages and getting a marriage proposal is a bit irrational. Leave those for the professional New Years Eve Resolution-ers.