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Confessions of a Writer

I know I haven’t been posting about my writing lately on this blog. In fact, I haven’t been posting about writing, period. It’s been a crazy couple of months, and those closest to me know why. Certain decisions needed to be made, and now, I’m finally ready to start writing about said decisions on this blog. As you can see, dear reader, I have revamped the website. Gone are Story of the Week and Movies, Music, and More. And I’ve referred to Reads, Reviews, Recommends as Kate’s Blog.

I wanted the website to feature my writing prominently. I’ll get to the main reason for that in a second. First, the biggest of my decisions…

Almost two months ago, I decided to part ways with my agent.

“WHAT? Kate, say it isn’t so!” you might say, dear reader.

I understand your shock, horror, and utter dismay. I can even imagine your facial reaction because I’ve had my friends (well, those who I’ve spoken to in person) give me the same expression live and in living color. But I knew in my gut that it was the right thing to do. So, I started querying again. At the moment, this is how the stats stand:

IMPULSE = 4 fulls and 2 partials.

TASTE = 1 full and 2 partials.

‘TIL DEATH = 1 full.

How did this happen? Well, I started querying Impulse, and when one agent would reject it, I’d send another query for another novel. Simple as that. I’ve worked hard in writing the three novels featured on this site, and I wanted to give them all equal opportunities to get out there. So, I’m waiting on feedback from the agents who’ve requested my work.

While waiting, I started feeling pressured and a little angst. I thought that querying the second time around would be easier because I knew what the experience entailed. I was wrong because the writer’s common affliction of self-doubt crept into every waking moment. Which meant every rejection hit me hard. Almost like a physical blow.

With my emotions spiraling down a drain of self-pity and a feeling of smallness so profound I thought I would go crazy from it, an epiphany happened. In your darkest hour, you truly find the light, and I will admit here and today that I have found mine.

I told myself that if by the end of December of 2011 I don’t get an offer of representation, I will enter self-publishing. Hence the revamp of the website.

For so long, I resisted the idea of self-publishing my novels. For those still resisting, I used to know how you feel now. And I’m sure that your doubts are the same, if not, slightly similar to mine. (Enter self-doubt here)

Because of my initial fear of self-publishing, I told myself that I would take all the “ber” months to learn everything I can about the process: what I need to do, which companies I could use. Along with searching the Net and reading countless blog posts on the subject of self-publishing, I have been contacting self-published writers (those that don’t turn me away) and asking them questions. There’s something about commiseration that helps relieve your fears. At least, for me, I get courage from “if they can do it, then so can I!” Coming into the venture knowledgeable and with a plan certainly helps because most of what we are afraid of is the unknown. If you shed light on the darkness, the scary things our imaginations come up with seem less scary.

I didn’t come into this decision lightly, dear reader. Ultimately, I realized within me that I wanted to share my stories with the world. That’s why I love to write. If one person says he or she likes what I’ve written, then it’s job well done for me.

Then I asked myself: can the decision really be that simple?

Actually, yes.

And I knew it was the right decision because everything clicked into place. I stopped caring about rejections. I stopped being overly excited about requests, taking them in stride. Feeling happy when an agent is interested in my work, but not making it the end all be all of my day. I’ve actually started feeling excited to go to sleep at night just so I can wake up and open my inbox to see what it holds inside: good or bad, great or not so. Excited about it all.

So, dear reader, I would like to thank you for sticking with me this far. For sharing my ups and commiserating with my downs. I hope that you continue to check back and see if I’m still alive. *smiles* But seriously, I hope that you are excited. I sure am. I’m also scared, I’m not going to deny it.

Let’s take this journey together.

I want to be honest with what I’m going through when it comes to my writing. I want to share the experience with you.

Take a look around the site. Each section features a different novel with the first three chapters open for you to read. I intend to add a few more things when I have the time. I have lots of things in mind for this site. And don't ever forget to let me know what you think. I love hearing from all of you!

You go, Kate! Follow your heart and do what you feel is best (and right) for you. Each writer's journey is different, and there is no one right or wrong way to go about it. I have a lot of writer friends who have gone the self-pub and indie pub route and they are happy with the results.

They say one door closes as another opens - Good on you for making the hard decisions and closing a door. You sound like you are about to start an amazing journey. I am sure it will go well for you, you have the support of friends family and followers. Do what you feel is right for you and everything will fall into place :)

I know how you're feeling, Kate. I went through the same thing, and made basically the same decision: Set a date to stop worrying about the agents and go it alone. I'm not quite at that date, and for the time being I'm still querying. But the day ticks ever closer.

So, yeah, I know what you're going through. And I might be hitting you up for advice at some point. ~_^ Sorry I haven't been able to e-mail you more often, but I have been keeping an eye on the blog.

@Sherri-lee = Sometimes, it can be scary when a door closed because you don't know if another one will open. Thank you so much for the positive thoughts. The journey is beginning, and it's getting good.

@LupLun = Thank you for the love. I know we lead equally different, yet similarly busy lives. Email away. :-)

Congrats! Self-publishing or independent publishing as we are starting to call it, will teach you many things -- about yourself, marketing, promotion, buying habits of people, patience, doing business, decision-making...I could go on and on. You won't regret it. Chalk it all up to learning. And we writers don't shy away from learning, right?

Kate I am a newbie like you, not to the art of writing but to get publish. I may have one coming soon but it will be an ebook first. I like to read everyone books. I have MS and I read and write because it helps my memory. Especially I am in college, at 42 almost it is a challenge but I haven't and nor will I give up. So kate you follow your gut and your heart, it is your soul that will make you complete if you don't try. You can always say you did it and enjoyed it and I can see from other comments, you are well like so getting published you will do great. Good luck to you.Ana Torresanaitorres@yahoo.com