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Author
Topic: confused. helpp (Read 6363 times)

all i ask for is a guarantee. i have a wonderful girlfriend that i strayed from and ive been having unprotected sex with her since this incident and i just want to make sure i didn't pass anything on to her. Lets say THEORETICALLY , i have a open cut on the tip of my penis, and i am giving protected anal sex to a transgender who has HIV. i pull out of her anus, and there is blood on the condom, she begins to give me oral sex with the bloody condom still on me. i remove the condom, and she continues to give me oral sex, after she has sucked me while i had the bloody condom on. which means technically the blood from the condom went to her mouth to the tip of my penis to the cut. i dont mean to obsess, i just want to make sure i havent ruined my girlfriends life. i was told that its no risk, but i want someone to tell me honestly that there is zero risk from this situation. please, this isn't about me, its about my girlfriend. please be understanding and be 100% in your answer.

We don't like to discuss theoretical situations here. I will say that nothing you have described would have put you at risk for HIV transmission. HIV is a fragile virus and it is not transmited in the manner you are concerned about.

The only confirmed risks for the sexual transmission of HIV are unprotected vaginal and anal intercourse. If you always use a condom for those activities you will be well protected.

With regard to you and your girlfriend, you should only dispense with using condoms when both partners are agreed to be in a securely monogamous relationship in which they have both tested negative at a reliable point. Otherwise condoms are a must for intercourse.

thank you for your expert opinion, but from this encounter, you promise that i do not need to get tested base on the events that occured? because the cut on my penis was open, and the blood in her mouth very well may have came in contact with it.

im curious. i read on here that oral sex, even if it includes a cut on the penis being sucked and blood in the mouth of the person performing it, is no risk. but then i read that giving oral sex is a possible risk. how is that possible? because if the person performing oral, has cuts in their mouth, and the sperm comes in contact with the cuts, they could possibly get infected, so doesn't that mean i could possibly get infected from recieving oral if i have a cut on my penis and the other person has blood in their mouth? please give me a thorough answer to this, and my last question is. i recieved oral sex, i had a cut on my penis at the time, and the person doing it had blood in their mouth. are you 100% i do not have to get tested based on these details?

I've merged your new thread into your original thread - where you should post all your additional thoughts or questions. It helps us to help you when you keep all your additional thoughts or questions in one thread. It doesn't matter how long it has been since you last posted in your thread or if the subject matter is different.

If you need help finding your thread when you come here, click on the "Show own posts" link under your name in the left-hand column of any forum page.

Please also read through the Welcome Thread so you can familiarize yourself with our Forum Posting Guidelines. Thank you for your cooperation.

Yes, we are certain you did not have a risk. Not only is saliva not infectious, but it also contains over a dozen different proteins and enzymes that damage hiv and render it unable to infect. Any blood from the condom that may have been in her mouth would have been rendered inactive and would not be viable and able to infect you, cut or no cut on your penis.

If hiv were as easily transmitted as you imagine, then most of the adult population in the world would be hiv positive. They're not. And neither are you.

At the end of the day, if you cannot bring yourself to believe us that you were not at risk, go test and collect your negative result. Any testing you do is strictly for your own peace of mind.

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

No, you do not need testing over this specific event. However, we do recommend that any sexually active adult has a full sexual health screen at least once a year and more often if unprotected anal or vaginal intercourse occurs.

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

im nervous and scared. i looked through this site and see that giving oral sex is a small risk, but recieving oral sex is no risk. i know that i recieved it, but still, i had a cut, and there was blood in her mouth. I know that there has never been a reported case of receiving oral sex, but still, doesn't my circumstances change things a little?

No, they don't. No guy, no, not one single one has ever been confirmed to have been infected through getting a blowjob. It's one of the most common of sexual activities. You are not going to make history by becoming the first.

No, they don't. No guy, no, not one single one has ever been confirmed to have been infected through getting a blowjob. It's one of the most common of sexual activities. You are not going to make history by becoming the first.

thank you. im not worried anymore and im not gonna test. but i have a question out of pure curiosity, and i'm not sure where on this forum i should put it. I was curious if people with HIV are allowed to become police officers. I know they can't join military but I was just curious about police

thank you. im not worried anymore and im not gonna test. but i have a question out of pure curiosity, and i'm not sure where on this forum i should put it. I was curious if people with HIV are allowed to become police officers. I know they can't join military but I was just curious about police

I imagine it will vary from jurisdiction to jurisdiction. Given that you have not been at risk of infection the question in your case is irrelevant.

thank you all for educating me on the risks of hiv when it comes to oral sex. I only have one more thing to ask. Since the urethra is a direct line to the bloodstream, if there is blood within the mouth of the person giving the blowjob, how come that isn't a possible route to hiv? Is it because when you ejaculate you flush out your urethra? and just opinion wise, if I didnt see any blood on my penis at all after she removed her mouth, would you say that no blood came in contact? its weird tho because i know for a fact there was blood in her mouth but when she removed her mouth i saw none on my penis. please just humor me on this last question you wont hear from me again after this

I don't know where you got the idea that your urethra is a "direct line to the bloodstream". It's not.

Unless you're in the habit of repeatedly punching a person in the mouth before they blow you, there could not possibly be enough blood present to worry about.

You got your dick sucked and it's high time you got over it. You did NOT have a risk for hiv infection!

If you read the Welcome Thread before posting like you're supposed to, you will have read the following posting guideline:

Quote

Anyone who continues to post excessively, questioning a conclusive negative result or no-risk situation, will be subject to a four week Time Out (a temporary ban from the Forums). If you continue to post excessively after one Time Out, you may be given a second Time Out which will last eight weeks. There is no third Time Out - it is a permanent ban. The purpose of a Time Out is to encourage you to seek the face-to-face help we cannot provide on this forum.

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

ann, matty, andy, rod, great news, i get tested today (which is 3 months after my exposure) and im negative (yayyy). Now i know im not permitted to ask anymore questions about my non existant risk but thats not what im here to do. I'm here to go into detail about how the person working at the clinic said something that concerned me. the lady that worked at the clinic told me that i should come back for a test at 6 months, because "hiv occurs betwen 3 and 6 months" this had me a little concerned. should i get tested again at 6 months? why does a person working at a clinic have this idea that you need to? do you think maybe its just a formality for her to say that? maybe because she doesn't know if I do drugs etc? Because it is true if someones abusing the injection of drugs their immune system could take longer right? me personally I'm training for Navy SEALs and don't smoke or drink at all and I'm in close to perfect physical condition. Are you sure I have no need to test at 6 months? please give me alittle feedback on this because hearing that kind of information from a clinic worker has me alittle put off.

hello, im back because of another possible exposure ive had. ive been running long distances, and due to this ive developed a rash on both sides of my inner thighs, looks like razor burn (red bumps etc). so yesterday i ran 6 miles, had the rash, and then about 12 or 13 hours later, i was a top with protected anal sex. but heres the problem, after it was over, i left the condom on so i could bring it home and fill it with water to make sure it was intact. but what worries me is, the condom (which most likely had anal secretions on it) was still on my penis while i was driving home which probably came into contact with the rash. when i get home i put alcohol on the rash and it burned, so doesnt that mean it was still open? should i test over this? please help

Taking the condom home to fill it with water is one of the stupidest things you could do. Condoms are not meant to be used as water balloons. You do NOT need to fill a condom with water to make sure it remained intact, all you have to do is LOOK at it. A broken condom is very obvious.

Read through the condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use them correctly and with confidence. You're supposed to dispose of used condoms properly, not drive around with one on your dick after sex. Next time, just have a look at it and put the darn thing in the trash. Don't drive around with it on your dick just so you can fill it with water when you get home. What are you, nine years old? Filling condoms with water is what little children do who don't know what condoms are for. Grow up.

Sorry if this sounds harsh, but come on. I can't tell you how many times we've had someone report that they filled the condom with water after the act, only to have it break in the process and then the person scares themselves silly. Once again, all you have to do to check the condom is LOOK at it. A broken condom is obvious.

I agree with Andy. You did not have a risk for hiv infection. Keep using the condoms and start disposing of them properly instead of hanging on to them to fill with water.

Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, and you will avoid hiv infection. IT REALLY IS THAT SIMPLE!!!!

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

thanks ann, but still, your insults were not necessary at all. you could have made your point completely clear without the extra effort of being a bitch. I come here for help not so you can take more then one shot at me. I thought that was what this forum was for? 65% of that post was donated to insulting me and the rest had what i was looking for. I use this forum for the proper reason but you think its ok to get off topic and go on a tangent about water balloons and how I need to grow up? Its not my fault my entire life I have been filled with clearly wrong facts about HIV (as I hear alot of people have). Please next time leave the insults out, you could have typed alot less and still made your point. thanks.

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

your job is to moderate and help people with risk assessments. Where in your job does it say that you can judge somebody? I had a condom on that was inside of somebody and then it rubbed against my runners rash, I was unsure so instead of trusting any uneducated opinion I may have, I came to ask the experts. Why would you answer questions in this specific forum if youre easily rattled by some unrealistic assumptions of exposure? You need to grow up. You insulted me for no reason and took MY situation personally, which was about ME, not you. Instead of assessing my risk like a professional, you insulted me based on arrogance and some kind of personal sentiment. I filled it with water because ive heard in the past that is how you tell if their are holes, sorry if I have been misinformed on this virus for most of my life. And now you won't even take responsibility for your actions. Change your tampon and don't take out your frustrations on me sweetheart.

This particular forum was designed as a courtesy for those with concerns about HIV whose questions were not completely answered by the extensive lessons on HIV transmission available on this site.

It is in no way the primary purpose of this site, which is to offer information and support for those who are infected. This forum is run by one paid staff member. And it's not Ann.

Ann is a volunteer here. and as well, if not more educated than any HIV expert on this website. The very notion of driving home with a condom on your penis for the express purpose of filling it up with water is juvenile. There is no way around this.

If you don't like the pull-no-punches attitude, then by all means find a web site that caters to your feelings. As Andy says, feelings are not facts. We are not here to babysit. And frankly, given the horrific stigma perpetuated on this part of the forums, we are not particularly sympathetic either.

What we have to offer is information. It is based in totality on first tiered peer-reviewed science. It is the most current and most informed and researched on the web, and offered without a shred of bias.

Your antagonism is noted. And it is part of the HIV pandemic. Ann does her "job" without pay and with little credit, for people like you who then proceed to take offence at the mention of your offensive behavior.

This is a rotten site for worried well persons to come for hand holding.

It is a terrific site for people to come for information. You have been given the former. I suggest you move on with it, and either stay in your comfort zone or expand your horizons to include a realistic idea of what HIV is and what it does.

It is a virus, not a punishment.

Logged

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

That had absolutely nothing to do with anything. Did I question the significance of Ann's expertise? No. Not in the least. "pull no punches attitude"? You are so clouded in defending your ignorant friend that you clearly don't even know what I was saying. Youre going off on a completely different page, defending somebody who insulted me for no clear reason other then that she is tired of people being uneducated with correct condom use. My antagonism? She went 2 paragraphs deep on how immature I am, and it wasn't necessary, it wasn't even part of the question! I had already been answered by Andy, A PROFESSIONAL. Me filling up a condom with water was offensive? Are you guys condom cops? Your not gonna "hold my hand" or "babysit" but youre so deeply offended by me filling up a condom with water? My question did not have to do with asking if you guys thought me driving home with a condom on my dick was juvenile. When I pull up to McDonalds, I don't expect the cashier to critique my health based on what i'm buying. Do you get the metaphor? Do I have to hold your hand like a small child? The question wasn't about what I did with the condom, but she still insulted me for no reason, and you call that offensive? I'm sorry the condom on my dick offended you, I sincerely am. Next time after I have sex, Ill call you so you can take it off for me. Handle with care

Also, I have read Andy say this multiple times, this forum only allows certain staff to answer questions, and youre not one of them. Stop breaking the rules silly.

Dude, I wrote the rules.

Logged

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

Are you allowed to respond to questions in this forum? I think not. You came out of nowhere with infomercial like information that was not significant by any means what so ever, along with defending the real antagonism going on here. I respect the comradery, but she was wrong and rude. The insults were not necessary, she was disrespectful, It wasn't cool. It also had nothing to do with "pull no punches" because it wasn't relative to my question. Law school, friend. You're barking up the wrong tree.

Are you allowed to respond to questions in this forum? I think not. You came out of nowhere with infomercial like information that was not significant by any means what so ever, along with defending the real antagonism going on here. I respect the comradery, but she was wrong and rude. The insults were not necessary, she was disrespectful, It wasn't cool. It also had nothing to do with "pull no punches" because it wasn't relative to my question. Law school, friend. You're barking up the wrong tree.

You think not? Wow. The arrogance of your statement is telling.

Do a quick search for my replies. Ive been online here since 2002, since before these forums even existed. So has Ann.

I am certainly allowed to respond here, as my research has helped this site develop a top-line reputation as a researcha nd informational tool.

This is NOT your forum. It belongs to the HIV infected, and as a courtesy, one YOU have insulted, it reaches out tangentially to the negative community as a courtesy. ANDY is indeed an HIV expert. As is ANN. As is MATTY. As am I.

We ARE NOT comrades. We are people who spend our precious time responding to queries about HIV for the ignorant and, in some cases, to the psychologically impaired whi see HIV in every scab, every incident, and every person because they look through the eyes of their own guilt.

Sometimes, these people get angry when their recurrent fears are dismissed. They are, as we call the, the Beyond Worried Well. These are people who attack those who dismiss their fears when it becomes clear that those fears are unwarranted, and regularly so. You certainly fall into that category.

If you continue this antagonism towards those who are considered experts in this site, then you will quickly be given a time out or banned.

Logged

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

Are you allowed to respond to questions in this forum? I think not. You came out of nowhere with infomercial like information that was not significant by any means what so ever, along with defending the real antagonism going on here. I respect the comradery, but she was wrong and rude. The insults were not necessary, she was disrespectful, It wasn't cool. It also had nothing to do with "pull no punches" because it wasn't relative to my question. Law school, friend. You're barking up the wrong tree.

Jonathan is authorised to respond to questions in this forum. In fact he was involved in writing our lessons on HIV testing and transmission, so y'know you should probably afford him a bit of respect.

If you have a problem with the way your questions are being answered you should avail yourself of the "report to moderator" function rather than ranting and raving here in your thread.

...Dude, you really have to be smarter then that. I don't fall under that category because I accept her assessment, I just don't accept the insults that it was peppered with. You continue to get off topic. She insulted me for NO REASON. I defended myself. She even said herself she said these things because she was offended? Really? that doesn't make sense, and neither do you. I'm not attacking her, i'm defending myself from what she has said that was unnecessary, unrelated, and unprofessional. Once again, you respond with pure bullshit. You keep disreguarding her unnecessary comments to me, and you just continue on to act like a brainless robot. Cut the shit. You're trying to run in circles with me and I run faster. Stop insulting my intelligence. Respect is earned when it is given. That is the point. THIS IS NOT A RANT, but thank you for responding like an adult. Seems to be rare on this site.

...Dude, you really have to be smarter then that. I don't fall under that category because I accept her assessment, I just don't accept the insults that it was peppered with. You continue to get off topic. She insulted me for NO REASON. I defended myself. She even said herself she said these things because she was offended? Really? that doesn't make sense, and neither do you. I'm not attacking her, i'm defending myself from what she has said that was unnecessary, unrelated, and unprofessional. Once again, you respond with pure bullshit. You keep disreguarding her unnecessary comments to me, and you just continue on to act like a brainless robot. Cut the shit. You're trying to run in circles with me and I run faster. Stop insulting my intelligence. Respect is earned when it is given. That is the point. THIS IS NOT A RANT, but thank you for responding like an adult. Seems to be rare on this site.

Philly,

I think you need to step away from the keyboard. The more you post like this, the less merciful the Goderators are going to be when they come to deal with you.

Seriously, if you have a problem use the report function. Don't keep posting these cranky sprays.

Please tell me you didn't just refer to someone as a Goderator...Yeah, lets all focus on how i'm responding to a moderator insulting me for no reason. Why can't anyone ever admit when their wrong? She shouldn't have responded like that, thats all. I don't want to report her, I want to be treated with respect. She could have said "filling the condom up with water is not necessary" instead, she said that, along with 12 more lines of calling me a 9 year old and other bullshit. Was not necessary. I don't care about being banned, Ill make another account. You don't have fort knox security.

Please tell me you didn't just refer to someone as a Goderator...Yeah, lets all focus on how i'm responding to a moderator insulting me for no reason. Why can't anyone ever admit when their wrong? She shouldn't have responded like that, thats all. I don't want to report her, I want to be treated with respect. She could have said "filling the condom up with water is not necessary" instead, she said that, along with 12 more lines of calling me a 9 year old and other bullshit. Was not necessary. I don't care about being banned, Ill make another account. You don't have fort knox security.

Nope, we dont have Fort Knox Security. We have some of the savviest folks ever to do an IP search to help us determine trolling from legitimate questioning.

And the saddest part is, you threaten to overwhelm an HIV informational site because you did not think you, as one person, got the respect he deserved. Forget the hundreds, thousand of people who garner real and useful information from this site.

How sad that your ego is more important than human lives.

Logged

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

Oh, youre still here? That only took you like 20 minutes to say. I threaten to overwhelm a website? What am I a super villian? Am I the Riddler threatening world domination? do you believe this shit that comes out of your mouth? And now your saying that I think i'm more important then other people? with 20 minutes time of fidgeting in front of the computer, you should have came up with better then that. I simply stated, she insulted me on terms of situations unrelated to my question, unnecessary remarks were made, and I responded. And this is your attempt at a witty response? I know law firm secretaries who would laugh at you. Try harder.

that is the thing isnt it? You are looking for law firm secretaries to mock our responses. We rely on science. And sometimes that is with some disregard to tact.

You hate Ann. I get that. But you cannot disregard her scientific information. You have received it, and should probably move on.

Law firm secretaries might indeed laugh at me. But the behaviour with which we deal every day is also laughable. Like arrogant people who would rather drive home with a condom on their wilted penises than to understand the physics of HIV infection - as though they are determined to prove HIV science wrong in order to justify that fear.

Best of luck with that.

Logged

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

Ok now you're honestly being silly. I do not hate Ann, I dislike when people insult me for no reason. Now you're putting words in my mouth, its a common back track for somebody running out of things to say. Once again, I did not deny the science. I do not pretend to be an HIV expert- which is why I come here. Does a piano teacher insult her students for not knowing the right keys to hit? NO...Did you get that metaphor?..think about it for a minute..The teacher would tell them the right keys to play, but in the meantime she wouldn't call them an idiot for not knowing them. You keep saying I'm denying the science, this is not about her expertise, she is more then qualified. Its her attitude and her unjustified verbal judgement on me for not being aware of correct condom use. Please read all this, and then read it again until it sinks in. Not only are you looking foolish, but even more so because you continue to bring up points that have zero relevance. Please think harder. This is easy.

You know this has gone on long enough. You had all your questions answered in another forum and you came to this forum just to start trouble. Did you not read the posting rules of this forum.?

■Anyone who continues to post excessively, questioning a conclusive negative result or no-risk situation, will be subject to a four week Time Out (a temporary ban from the Forums). If you continue to post excessively after one Time Out, you may be given a second Time Out which will last eight weeks. There is no third Time Out - it is a permanent ban. The purpose of a Time Out is to encourage you to seek the face-to-face help we cannot provide on this forum.

I apologise if I offended your tender sensibilities. I was trying to get an important point across to you and I know from experience that sometimes being blunt is the only way.

The fact remains that you should NOT keep wearing a used condom until you get to a place where you can fill it with water. That's just asking for a reason to freak out when it breaks or leaks because it's been in your pants rubbing around on material or even your zipper.

You should not be filling condoms with water to see if they're broken, that's totally unnecessary as a broken condom is OBVIOUS. I'm not calling you stupid, but that IS a stupid thing to do. (Even smart people can do stupid things from time to time.) So do yourself a favour and DON'T DO IT AGAIN!!!

Make sure you read through the condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use them - and dispose of them - correctly and with confidence.

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Hello, before I talk about what happened i'd like to apologize to Ann and Jk. You both give your time to help us and I have a load of respect for both of you, thank you for everything you have done for us out of the kindness of your hearts. (these will be my last questions on this subject I promise) Back to my situation with the rash, i'm concerned because Ive heard anal secretions are the highest hiv infected fluid that people have. So are you sure there isn't a slight risk that if it still lingered on the outside of the condom that it couldn't enter my runners rash on my thighs? Work with me on this and just answer a few questions just to make me feel better

1) alcohol burned the runners rash, but there was no blood at all, it never bled. is this considered open? it just looked like irritated red bumps. I read somewhere that this is still considered a wound.

2) is this really that far fetched of a chance?

3) Assuming that the person had full blown aids with a skyrocketed viral load, is the risk still zero?

4) how much fluid would be needed to infect?

5)even though it was irritated skin and alcohol burned it, was it still sealed off from my bloodstream because there was no blood? Can I completely let this go and not worry about testing at all?

You did not have a risk. Period. We're not going to indulge you by going into every bit of fearful minutae that your worried mind comes up with. If we had the slightest doubt about risk we would say so.

Now I am going to warn you that if you come back again about this non-risk situation you are going to get a Time Out for at least 28 days from the site.