Jay Z’s Tidal is a Poop Emoji

Last month, the richest and most successful celebrities in the music industry held a press conference to announce/support a streaming service that Jay Z bought for $56 million called Tidal. In a show of solidarity, Kanye West, Nicki Minaj, Madonna, Beyonce, Taylor Swift, a couple of robots, etc., all dressed funny, joined him on stage, said some dumb things, and then signed a piece of paper.

Aside from announcing Tidal, these unbelievably wealthy people all gathered to tell you that you should pay double for their streaming service because it’s (maybe) slightly better quality and because other music streaming services like Pandora and Spotify don’t pay them enough.

Seriously, the whole reason for this press conference was to tell you they want more money. They need more money. They deserve more money. The private jet that they flew there on is expensive, guuuuyyyysssss!!!!!

Because holding a press conference to tell you that wasn’t soaked in enough arrogance and self-importance, this group of lowly paupers felt the need to really drive the point home in another video. And holy shit will you listen to some of this nonsense.

“Every great movement started with a group of people being able to get together and really just to make a stand,” Beyonce says.

“We’re going to change the course of history,” Jay Z says.

Yeah … maybe not so much.

Despite the brilliant PR strategy of having a bunch of the wealthiest people on Earth tell you they want even more wealth, Tidal hasn’t really been popular among us poors. The company recently fired their CEO and a bunch of other employees (excuse me, “streamlined” the company) and dropped out of the iTunes top 700 download list.

Listen, I’m all for supporting working musicians and artists. It would be great if people could make a liveable wage doing the things they love and not have to work another job or two to pursue their passions.