A Washington, D.C., charter school teacher has been fired after it was discovered the teacher had assigned third-grade students a number of math problems framed around violent and illegal scenarios.
At first, the unnamed teacher at the Trinidad Center City School claimed he had been ordered to assign the problems, but it was quickly discovered that the teacher had actually downloaded them from a free homeschooling website called "HomeschoolingParadise.com."
"I was absolutely distressed," Dr. Beverley Wheeler, the CEO of Center City PCS, which oversees Trinidad, told WUSA9. "It doesn't follow anything we do. We are about character, excellence and service and I found them to be violent and racist."
Even more baffling, other parents at the school say the teacher in question is a minister.
[Parents outraged after homework references slavery, beatings]
I went to the Homeschooling Paradise website and took a look at the third-grade homeschooling "Worksheets" curriculum. To start, the site's own promotional slogan uses oddly harsh (and racially problematic) language, asking:
"Want your kids to sharpen their mathematical skills to a razor's edge? There is nothing better than grinding their neurons on Singapore math." You can read more about the Singapore math system here.
Here are some of the suggested math problems from the site. And to be clear, I'm not cherry-picking; almost any question picked at random will reflect the concerns expressed by Dr. Wheeler:
"I was sleeping one night when a hungry vampire sucked 3652 liters of blood from me and 1865 liters of blood from my little brother. How much blood did the hungry vampire drink that night?"
Another reads:
"I took a nap in a bog one day and woke up screaming. 3796 leeches, 2910 fleas and 1044 vampire bats were stuck to my bald head drinking my blood in ecstasy. How many bloodthirsty bloodsuckers were dining on my head?"
And check out this incredibly morbid problem:
"John's father gave him 1359 marbles on his birthday. John swallowed 585 marbles and died. 9 of John's friends came for his funeral the next day. John's grieving father gave the remaining marbles to John's friends in equal numbers. How many marbles did each friend get?"
Last I checked, most kids are warned against indulging in tobacco products. Nonetheless, Homeschooling Paradise offers this equation for children to ponder:
"John, Jack and Jim lit up their pipes after dinner and began blowing smoke rings. By the time they were finished, they had blown a total of 6437 smoke rings. If John blew 52 smoke rings and Jack blew 3896 smoke rings, how many smoke rings did Jim blow?"

Tilda Tiger had many hungry children to feed on Thanksgiving Day. She caught 169 Africans, 526 Americans and 196 Indians. She then put the people equally into 9 enormous ovens to bake. How many desperate people were in each oven?

My 3 friends and I were caught and tied up by 1023 screaming cannibals in a jungle last night. Soon we were feeling terribly itchy because of the mosquitoes. We begged the cannibals to scratch us. 219 cannibals refused because they were busy cutting vegetables. The rest of them, however, surrounded us in equal numbers and began to scratch us with their teeth, just like dogs. It felt good! How many cannibals scratched me?

When I was sleeping in a forest last night, 2555 fire ants crawled up my nose and built a nest in my brain. I woke up screaming the next morning. My distraught mother rushed me to hospital for an emergency operation. The doctor was able to kill 1953 fire ants. The remaining ants in my brain formed themselves into 7 equal-sized groups and fled to 7 different organs in my body, one being my stomach.

Susan Shark had 15 pieces of $50 notes in her handbag and had to cook dinner for her hungry children. She went to the supermarket and bought 8 tender humans at $26 each and 7 juicy mermaids at $29 each. How much money did she have after that?

My 3 friends and I were caught and tied up by 1023 screaming cannibals in a jungle last night. Soon we were feeling terribly itchy because of the mosquitoes. We begged the cannibals to scratch us. 219 cannibals refused because they were busy cutting vegetables. The rest of them, however, surrounded us in equal numbers and began to scratch us with their teeth, just like dogs. It felt good! How many cannibals scratched me?

Brian, a brave member of a SWAT team in California, had a terribly busy week last week. He had to work for 7 whole days. He killed 163 terrorists, 296 murderers and 206 arsonists. How many criminals did he kill on average each day?

Well, it's Singapore but this is still messed up.

I have an idea!

Dr. Seaman killed 200 of his neighbours' pets and proceeds to take their livers, hearts and brains along with 2 buckets of blood for each animal. If a liver weighs 1kg, a heart 0.5kg, a brain 1.5kg and a bucket of blood 3kg, how much is the total weight?

"The superior man understands what is right; the inferior man understands what will sell"

August 2011
3,948 Posts

Human terrorists landed on Planet Xintaks and abducted Princess Txsclotyl. The enraged aliens hurled 1420 asteroids at 7 terrorist training camps on Earth. 482 asteroids landed harmlessly in the Pacific Ocean. However, the rest of the asteroids smashed into each camp in equal numbers. How many asteroids smashed into each camp?

Wow man, these are like the mathematical equivalent of Happy Wheels, sans the physics simulation and whatnot.

Irresponsible Dad and his son want to go to the store to buy a pack of Pop Tarts but on the way they run over 20184 pedestrians, including Irresponsible Dad's son. But only 2158 were dismembered. If there were 16.41 litres of blood in each dead person, how much blood total would you have in each dismembered and non-dismembered person?

When I was sleeping in a forest last night, 2555 fire ants crawled up my nose and built a nest in my brain. I woke up screaming the next morning. My distraught mother rushed me to hospital for an emergency operation. The doctor was able to kill 1953 fire ants. The remaining ants in my brain formed themselves into 7 equal-sized groups and fled to 7 different organs in my body, one being my stomach.
a) How many fire ants escaped?
b) How many ants fled to my stomach?

John's father gave him 1359 marbles on his birthday. John swallowed 585 marbles and died. 9 of John's friends came for his funeral the next day. John's grieving father gave the remaining marbles to John's friends in equal numbers. How many marbles did each friend get?