My First Kiss…well, almost.

I love girls. In fact, I loved girls so much in grade school that I always had a gaggle of them surrounding me. I was totally in a chick clique. We played tag together and pretty much totally ignored all of the boys. This is how I met my first girlfriend Penny.

The girls and I were playing tag one day when this loud and brash vision of a third grader came at me hand outstretched. When I realized that I was her target, I dodged her tag. She missed me, but unfortunately, did not miss the window that was directly behind me. After crashing through the window, and subsequently receiving multiple stitches, Penny and I became best friends.

She was the first in a long series of “girlfriends.” Here’s how the progression usually went:

Step 1: Meet a girl who is funny and goofy, or loud and brash…not your typical “pretty girl.”

Step 2: Become “best friends” with the girl. Pass lots of notes to each other.

Step 4: After going together for a short while, get really uncomfortable and move on to the next victim…I mean best friend.

Step 5: Repeat steps 1-4.

Penny was different, being that she was the first. I almost made it halfway to first base with her. We were at a high school football game, running around with our gaggle of third-grade friends, when somehow we ended up behind this tractor that was parked off to the side of the field. Penny asked me to kiss her. The game was almost over, and we would have to leave soon. So, the pressure was on. The clock, or game timer, actually, was counting down…10, 9, 8, 7… and soon it was all over–both the game and my “relationship” with Penny.

She was also the first in a long line of girls that I loved, but not the way that they wanted me to. It wasn’t too long afterwards that I realized why it was that I didn’t want to kiss Penny…