Tisha B'Av & the Asiana Plane Crash

Sometimes we are blinded by the light.

According to Federal crash investigators, the pilot of Asiana Airlines Flight 214 said he was blinded by a bright light when the plane was 500 feet above ground. The plane crash last Saturday left two young girls dead and 168 others injured. The pilot, a trainee attempting this particular landing for the first time, said that the light was so bright that he could not tell the difference between the water and the land.

It reminded me of a museum that I went to with my children. We were walking through a dark tunnel in the museum and my son pulled a keychain flashlight out of his pocket. He walked ahead, excited to illuminate the path for everyone behind him. But then we entered another room that displayed optical illusions. The light was super bright, but we kept getting lost. The floor looked like the ceiling, and the ceiling looked like the floor. The maze of mirrors confused us to the point where we could not distinguish between our reflections and ourselves.

“This room is much scarier than the dark," my son said. "There all we had to do was turn on my flashlight, but here you can’t even see my light. There are too many tricks.”

We are mixing up the water with land, the ceiling with the floor, our reflections with ourselves.

As Tisha B'Av approaches I think about this. Why did the destruction specifically take place during the summer when the sunny days are long and most of us are busy planning vacations? Why not in the winter when sadness seems more natural and darkness is mirrored in the season itself? What happened in the Asiana plane crash and in that room of optical illusions teaches us a crucial lesson about light: when we’re not careful the brightness can blind us. Sometimes it looks like we are connected and in control while in reality, we are mixing up the water with land, the ceiling with the floor, our reflections with ourselves.

In Lamentations, God asks the Jewish nation and each of us: Where are you? Can you see where you’re going? Is it real?

Rabbi Zev Leff recounted the following story that happened to the Klausenburger Rebbe in a concentration camp. The Rebbe was speaking to a fellow inmate man who had been the head of the National Bank of Hungary. He even had his face printed on some of the bills, and he had converted to Christianity many years before. The man had married a Christian woman and they had a few children together who all held prominent positions in Hungarian society. As they were talking, the man told the Rebbe that he and his wife had been married for 30 years.

“Did you have a happy marriage?” the Rebbe asked him.

“Yes, we were very happy. I took care of her every need, and we had a beautiful life together.”

“Where is she now? After all those years, she leaves you to go through this alone?” the Rebbe asked him.

The man became furious. “It’s bad enough I’m here at all. Why are you pouring salt on my wounds?”

But the Rebbe persisted. “And your children? Were you a good father to your children?”

“Of course I was a good father. I gave them everything I had,” the former bank president replied.

“And they don’t even visit you or try to get you out of here? After all of those years. And you were the head of the Bank of Hungary. You pulled your country out of a depression. You served faithfully for years, and they leave you here? Me? I’m just a poor Rabbi. I don’t expect anyone to come and save me. But you? What have you gotten in return for everything that you gave?”

The man was silent and turned away. But the next night, he came to the Rebbe and began to cry. “You are right. I see now that everything that I thought was true and real was not. It was a mistake. My life was a mistake.”

Soon after, the man was murdered by the Nazis, but he had that moment of truth before he died. He couldn’t see it when his life was under the bright lights of the Hungarian bank, but he saw the truth for what it was in the darkness of the concentration camp. And he was finally able to know what he lost and cry for it.

To be able to cry is a gift. To recognize what we have lost is a gift. A professor in my Family Therapy program told us to close our eyes and remember in detail our childhood homes. Each room, the expressions on our siblings’ faces, the faces of our parents.

In the middle of the exercise, one of the students began crying, and she told us afterwards, “I was orphaned at such a young age, I can’t even remember one room in my house. I can’t even remember one smile of my father’s. You each have homes you can long for. I don’t even have one memory. I am crying because I can’t even remember what I lost. I am yearning for a home I never had.”

I think about that student every Tisha B'Av because most of us cannot cry over the Beit Hamikdash, the Temple in Jerusalem that we never knew. We do not remember what we have lost. The distraction and the bright light of our lives often confuse us.

We have left home before we could remember its rooms. We can’t remember our Father’s voice and His love. But we can cry. We can cry because we don’t remember what we have lost. We can cry because we yearn to remember the Home we never had. We can cry because we can’t see clearly in the glaring light. We don’t know exactly where we are.

But we have our tears, and that is how we can begin to find our way past the illusions of the light.

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About the Author

Sara Debbie Gutfreund received her BA in English from the University of Pennsylvania and her MA in Family Therapy from the University of North Texas. She has taught parenting classes and self-development seminars and provided adolescent counseling. She writes extensively for many online publications and in published anthologies of Jewish women's writing. She and her husband spent 14 wonderful years raising their five children in Israel, and now live in Blue Ridge Estates in Waterbury, Connecticut, where Sara Debbie enjoys skiing and running in her free time.

Visitor Comments: 37

(20)
Yosef,
August 6, 2014 2:08 PM

Southern Hemisphere

It may be true that for most of us, who live in the Northern Hemisphere, Tisha b'Av takes place at the height of summer. But nowhere is it mentioned in the article, or any previous comments to this article, that in the Southern Hemisphere (Australia, South Africa, most of South America, etc.), Tisha b'Av is in the depths of winter, and so the analysis in the article doesn't really apply in the Southern Hemisphere - at least not in a direct way. Over there, Tisha b'Av is in consonance with the dreary winter season of less light and colder temperatures.

(19)
Bonnie,
August 5, 2014 10:38 PM

The Destruction of the Temple

Humans are blessed with vivid imaginations. When I am in Israel, I always go to pray at the Wailing Wall. As I walk down the steps to the plaza of the Wall, I imagine the burning of the Temple, the slaughter of the Jews, the stones covered with blood and the utter destruction as the people run in terror.This scene, as I imagine it, makes it very real, and I cry each time, I see the Wall in front of me. May the Nation of Israel never feel the wrath of our enemiesever again.

(18)
Anonymous,
August 5, 2014 11:26 AM

Beautiful

Thanks for posting! Amazing!

(17)
Menachem,
July 16, 2013 1:34 PM

tears. in my eyes

yes this materiel word is full of brigh lights that we are blind of the right path

(16)
Amy,
July 16, 2013 12:15 PM

Well said!

I try to conjure up the value of the Temple and the terrible loss of the Temple when I explain Tisha b'av to my children but I know I failed to explain it as well as you have. This is a great article to read with them today.

(15)
Rachel,
July 16, 2013 5:41 AM

How sad that in this days we still consider marriage between religions a 'sin'. How sad to judge a wife and children in a situation beyond anyone's imagination and conclude that one's life was not real because of their helplessness and powerlessness in a horrific situation.It is sad for anyone to loose their childhood and it is little wonder one cries. It is ok to cry the tears of a people who has experienced so much destruction and we need to remember these destruction and yet does that mean we never knew what is lost? I do not think so..... I am afraid this metaphorical story simply does not do it!

Andrea,
July 16, 2013 2:47 PM

How sad I read this

Marriage between a Jew and non-Jew means the Jew is turning his/her back on Judaism. This man lived a non Jewish life for 30 years but the Germans didn't care and his upstanding life/family didn't save him - so what good was it?

Anonymous,
July 16, 2013 4:14 PM

disagree!

Of course u r correct in saying we can never judge ppl who went thru such horrific war horrors. PG we shld all neva kno, but u missing the point the Rebbe was possibly trying to hint that he can never run away from his Jewish Identity? And yes he had the right to speak this way..he lost his wife n kids too. Im not sure y this article didnt resonate with you bc I and many other replies I c found it well written..may we merit very soon the coming of redemption of our long suffering People when we can finally live with complete joy and death n destruction will b just a bad memory of our past.

Julie,
July 16, 2013 6:24 PM

A metaphor that resonates for one does not need to resonate for all

I respectfully disagree. Here I am, 3000 miles away from my home Shul, earnestly wondering about the meaning of this fast I am undertaking today. This story brought home the tragic aspect of the memory -- like losing a child to death, we grieve for what might have been. Without knowing exactly what that is, what the lost potential could have brought, we know we have a loss. How much more that could have been if the temple were not destroyed! The banker was punished for being a Jew anyway, how much more meaningful to die as a Jew if he had lived as a Jew. In the end, you are a Jew, to G-d and the world, no matter what artiface you've built to prove otherwise. We are a people, the world doesn't care to care about us, we must care about ourselves and grieve for the closeness to God and the Jewish identity the temple once helped us achieve.

tom,
July 21, 2013 4:42 AM

think of it rather...

for me, one of the bitter lessons of the shoah is that "one size fits all" - there were no special facilities for the more observant, such as the rabbi, or the less observant, assimilated and intermarried jew.
they all shared the same fate, as the torah says, because "kol yisrael areivim ze la'ze".

(14)
leah,
July 16, 2013 3:08 AM

very true!

David in case u haven't noticed the economy is in a recession...terrible things r happening left and right..natural disasters r more frequent..these things aren't happening out of nowhere...open ur eyes to the reality that ur financials may be nice and secure now but its not a sure thing for the future..god is doing these things for ppl to wake up and evaluate their lives...to see that these stupid materialistic crap wont get u far in life...its teshuva that will..and changing the way we look at life and whats important!!! There r antisenites in this great country as u call it who are spewing hateful things about us...dont rely on a country that can easily turn on u in a split second...everything is in hashems hands!!

(13)
Rachel Gold,
July 16, 2013 12:36 AM

Understood!

This article helped me understand what it means to mourn for something you never had.

(12)
Anonymous,
July 15, 2013 10:58 PM

The 3rd Temple

Very nice story and beautiful words spoken. Every year as I get older and older I get more confused. We have the power in our hands to rebuild the temple like they left Babylon and went back to do it. Why not take the ball out of our court start the construction and put the ball back in G-D's court!? Here you go hashem, we tried our best, we're trying to re-build, we're buying the lottery ticket. Now please come down and help us finish it, send us the Neshamah of the temple that we built the body of. It's one of the 613 Mitzvot according to Rambam....why mourn when we can rejoice and build!

Rivka,
July 16, 2013 9:16 PM

can't force G-d's hand

I just watched the videos by R. Fohrman on the story behind the destruction of the Temple, how the zealots & R. Tzadok both tried to force the hand of Hashem. It didn't work, it will never work for us to tell G-d what to do. The 3rd Temple will come when we are ready for it spiritually.

(11)
libe,
July 15, 2013 6:55 PM

Destruction and light

Tshuva can only come when there is light...so eventually you could see what s going wrong, the same light that blinds clarifys, its in in your eyes the ability to see

(10)
Joseph,
July 15, 2013 3:38 PM

Thanking Hashem

The man in the story should thank G_d that his wife and children was safe .That they can tell the tale of their fathers death. The scientist Fermi's wife was Jewish he was not. He came to America to save his wife and helped with America's nuclear program. If his wife didn't marry a gentile we might not have gotten the A bomb. Who understand the wisdom of G-d?

Anonymous,
July 16, 2013 9:20 PM

Non-Jewish wife did not tell the tale of his death

Joseph, read the story again. The only reason we know about the fate of this Hungarian banker was because a RABBI preserved the story of how he died. There is no evidence that his wife or kids did anything to try to save him, or perpetuate his memory. And I don't think the world is a better place because of the A-bomb.

(9)
David,
July 15, 2013 1:04 PM

No.

It's easy to cry in a concentration camp with some rabbi helpfully trying to convince you that your wife and kids never really loved you. It's easy to cry when you're an orphan and never had the home that everyone else had. Right now, things are very good for most of us here in America. Doesn't all this self-inflicted pseudo-misery seem just a bit ungrateful?

Yaakov,
July 15, 2013 3:18 PM

That's the point

Yes in our time B"H it's harder to morn that's precisely why we need mechanisms to help us get in to the proper "mood". We are gratdful, but one day a year we put aside our regular lives to morn for the Bais Hamikdash as well as all the other catastrophes in our Jewish heritage. The Kinos also have included chapters to mourn for the Holocaust which is certainly something to mourn about and something that is easier for us to relate to. These calamities would have never happened had we still had the bais Hamildah.

Julia,
July 15, 2013 5:45 PM

see reality as it is

Dear Davis, No, this "self inflicted pseudo misery" does NOT make it at all ungrateful, it makes us REALISTIC. The reality is we do have much to be grateful for ... in modern America and Israel. But bad things happened in the past and are happening now (anti semitism and neo Naziism are increasing in Europe). The 3 weeks, especially the ( days are a time to act with extra cautio; to think before speaking or acting. Our actions and speech have consequences that might last a VERY long time.

Nesanel,
July 15, 2013 8:33 PM

Only history will tell...

You are right, David. We certainly must have gratitude to be living in perhaps the best situation EVER for Jews. We must have gratitude for the freedom and the kindness we live with. But there were times in history that things were good, better than they had ever been before - until the ugly head of hatred reared up its head again... We must never forget - and know that ultimately we can only truly rely on the Almighty.

Raisy,
July 15, 2013 10:39 PM

why pseudo misery?

There are enough troubles that one can reflect upon, consequences of living in exile, that the misery of Tisha b'Av need not be 'pseudo misery'. Yes America is a blessed country, I for one am awed with the abundance of good that Jews can enjoy here. I believe it is the result of the founding fathers' belief in One G-d and in the tenets of the bible--the Torah upon which the Constitution and laws are based. The left, and liberalism, is wreaking great damage and destruction on this country--and the world. I recommend you read Dennis Prager's "Still the Last Best Hope" for a brilliant articulation of the danger our beautiful country is. It's enough to make one weep...

Max,
July 15, 2013 10:50 PM

missing the pt 2

The story of the orphan was being used as an analogy. Precisely because things are good for us we should feel like the orphan. We have no good memories of the Temples(our Father's house)so we can't really appreciate the loss. But we can at least be aware of our inability to genuinely mourn and, ironically, mourn over that. I think that's quite a realistic way to approach Tisha B'Av

Max,
July 15, 2013 11:01 PM

having said that

Just seen the Rebuilding Temple article saying we must make the effort to feel the pain of exile. This doesn't mean we should be ungrateful(read the excellent book "In the garden of gratitude" buy Rabbi Shalom Arush shlita) for all the freedom and material comfort we're blessed with. But we shouldn't be blinded by all that to not yearn for a better fairer and just world. It might be all right for some, but not everyone.

Jen,
July 16, 2013 4:09 AM

Case in point

The point is that things were very good for him too (just like they are now, in America) and while we should still be grateful for our daily freedoms, do not be fooled as that man was- remember that history repeats itself. Things in pre-holocaust Germany looked very similar to Jewish society in America today.

Reuven,
July 16, 2013 10:08 AM

we must ro cry

David,
"Things are very goot for most of us here in America" You must to cry.Klal Yisroel in Golut .We dont have achdus.Shchina Hakdosha in exile.We must to cry for Redemption.

harold,
July 16, 2013 1:45 PM

Don't wait until the bad times!

You miss the point.
The point is that it is in the good times we much reach out to reconnect.
In the bad times it is all too easy but the major impact we can have on ourselves and others is missed.

leah,
July 16, 2013 2:38 PM

Please read

"easy to cry in a concentration camp?" "A rabbi trying to convince you that your wife and kids meant nothing?" David, you sound very young. The "Rabbi" was right. Nobody cared about the Hungarian bank president. At the end of the day, he understood that choices that deny our very souls, choices that deny our Jewishness, are utterly worthless. You think that your lifes responsibility is to be grateful to the USA? Your lifes responsibility is to be grateful to Hashem for allowing you to live there..at least for the time being.

(8)
Anonymous,
July 15, 2013 12:12 PM

This is a horrible story: a Rabbi acting just like Job's wife!!! Anyone in a desperate situation only needs encouragement and life spoken into them - not bitterness.

Anonymous,
July 15, 2013 12:56 PM

To Anonymous (8) - you are missing the point. The rabbi gave the man the greatest gift - true understanding and an opportunity to do Teshuva, to give value to his life

(7)
Anonymous,
July 15, 2013 5:43 AM

Wow!!!! what a powerful way to bring this down to my level of understanding and feeling. Thank you.

(6)
Shira,
July 15, 2013 3:19 AM

Beautiful!

Thank you for such a moving article, it has helped me to tap into the meaning of tisha b'av.

(5)
Yvette Alt Miller,
July 15, 2013 2:38 AM

Beautiful Reminder

This is such a beautiful reminder of what Tisha B'Av is all about. Even being able to cry is a gift. Thank you for this timely inspiration!

(4)
Anonymous,
July 15, 2013 1:33 AM

this was a good read. real good... thank you

(3)
Alan S.,
July 14, 2013 10:01 PM

Powerful article; conveys a lot. Reminds me of the last words to the Bruce Springsteen song Brilliant Disguise: "G-d have mercy on the man who doubts what he's sure of."

(2)
Yehudith Shraga,
July 14, 2013 4:47 PM

Thank you for sharing

Very deep insight, very wise observations.

(1)
Hannah,
July 14, 2013 4:45 PM

profound and well written

Thank you for helping us to relate today's tragedies (lessons), to those of the past and truly help understand the powerful meaning of Tisha B Av.

I live in rural Montana where the Cholov Yisrael milk is difficult to obtain and very expensive. So I drink regular milk. What is your view on this?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Jewish law requires that there be rabbinic supervision during the milking process to ensure that the milk comes from a kosher animal. In the United States, many people rely on the Department of Agriculture's regulations and controls as sufficiently stringent to fulfill the rabbinic requirement for supervision.

Most of the major Kashrut organizations in the United States rely on this as well. You will therefore find many kosher products in America certified with a 'D' next to the kosher symbol. Such products – unless otherwise specified on the label – are not Cholov Yisrael and are assumed kosher based on the DOA's guarantee.

There are many, however, do not rely on this, and will eat only dairy products that are designated as Cholov Yisrael (literally, "Jewish milk"). This is particularly true in large Jewish communities, where Cholov Yisrael is widely available.

Rabbi Moshe Feinstein wrote that under limited conditions, such as an institution which consumes a lot of milk and Cholov Yisrael is generally unavailable or especially expensive, American milk is acceptable, as the government supervision is adequate to prevent non-kosher ingredients from being added.

It should be added that the above only applies to milk itself, which is marketed as pure cow's milk. All other dairy products, such as cheeses and butter, may contain non-kosher ingredients and always require kosher certification. In addition, Rabbi Feinstein's ruling applies only in the United States, where government regulations are considered reliable. In other parts of the world, including Europe, Cholov Yisrael is a requirement.

There are additional esoteric reasons for being stringent regarding Cholov Yisrael, and because of this it is generally advisable to consume only Cholov Yisroel dairy foods.

In 1889, 800 Jews arrived in Buenos Aires, marking the birth of the modern Jewish community in Argentina. These immigrants were fleeing poverty and pogroms in Russia, and moved to Argentina because of its open door policy of immigration. By 1920, more than 150,000 Jews were living in Argentina. Juan Peron's rise to power in 1946 was an ominous sign, as he was a Nazi sympathizer with fascist leanings. Peron halted Jewish immigration to Argentina, introduced mandatory Catholic religious instruction in public schools, and allowed Argentina to become a haven for fleeing Nazis. (In 1960, Israeli agents abducted Adolf Eichmann from a Buenos Aires suburb.) Today, Argentina has the largest Jewish community in Latin America with 250,000, though terror attacks have prompted many young people to emigrate. In 1992, the Israeli Embassy in Buenos Aires was bombed, killing 32 people. In 1994, the Jewish community headquarters in Buenos Aires was bombed, killing 85 people. The perpetrators have never been apprehended.

Be aware of what situations and behaviors give you pleasure. When you feel excessively sad and cannot change your attitude, make a conscious effort to take some action that might alleviate your sadness.

If you anticipate feeling sad, prepare a list of things that might make you feel better. It could be talking to a specific enthusiastic individual, running, taking a walk in a quiet area, looking at pictures of family, listening to music, or reading inspiring words.

While our attitude is a major factor in sadness, lack of positive external situations and events play an important role in how we feel.

[If a criminal has been executed by hanging] his body may not remain suspended overnight ... because it is an insult to God (Deuteronomy 21:23).

Rashi explains that since man was created in the image of God, anything that disparages man is disparaging God as well.

Chilul Hashem, bringing disgrace to the Divine Name, is one of the greatest sins in the Torah. The opposite of chilul Hashem is kiddush Hashem, sanctifying the Divine Name. While this topic has several dimensions to it, there is a living kiddush Hashem which occurs when a Jew behaves in a manner that merits the respect and admiration of other people, who thereby respect the Torah of Israel.

What is chilul Hashem? One Talmudic author stated, "It is when I buy meat from the butcher and delay paying him" (Yoma 86a). To cause someone to say that a Torah scholar is anything less than scrupulous in meeting his obligations is to cause people to lose respect for the Torah.

Suppose someone offers us a business deal of questionable legality. Is the personal gain worth the possible dishonor that we bring not only upon ourselves, but on our nation? If our personal reputation is ours to handle in whatever way we please, shouldn't we handle the reputation of our nation and the God we represent with maximum care?

Jews have given so much, even their lives, for kiddush Hashem. Can we not forego a few dollars to avoid chilul Hashem?

Today I shall...

be scrupulous in all my transactions and relationships to avoid the possibility of bringing dishonor to my God and people.

With stories and insights,
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