Monday, November 19, 2012

Here at Simply Left Behind Labs, our elves work tirelessly day and night to bring you the finest in top grade snark. And we like to be sure that our product is 100% pure and unadulterated with byproducts like typos and errors.

In fact, we have an entire wing of the lab devoted to Quality Control and it is a very happy place, the little elves sing songs all day while the unicorns and butterflies prance and flit serenely amongst the uniflies and buttercorns (don't ask.)

About the only time any of us are not happy is when the elves clock out for the day and each of the miserable bastards has to get all "Elvish has left the building." It gets tired quickly.

We are a happy communo-atheist union workshop, in other words, and it shows in the quality of our snark, served hot and fresh to you daily.

Rep. Mike Ritze, whose family paid for the monument that was put up Thursday, said the monument company has been contacted and will correct the errors to the words Sabbath and maidservant.

This is Dr. Mike Ritze (R-Broken Arrow), and it's understandable he might have not been paying much attention to the slab of stone he bought and paid for and installed on the grounds of the state Capitol as he must spend an inordinate amount of time combing out the skunk he's tenderly given a home to on his scalp.

Wait. There's more, but then you knew that already:

Ritze, elected last year to the Legislature, said Cecil B. DeMille, director of the 1956 film epic “The Ten Commandments,” gave money to the Fraternal Order of Eagles to fund monuments across the country depicting the commandments. Some of the film's main stars, such as Charlton Heston and Yul Brynner, went to unveilings.

“Apparently they donated it, and it was never delivered or it was in storage some place,” he said.

After Ritze got elected in 2008, he contacted the Oklahoma Capitol Preservation Commission about the monument. He said its whereabouts never could be determined, so he had one made.

"Liberals got women the right to vote. Liberals got African-Americans the right to vote. Liberals created Social Security and lifted millions of elderly people out of poverty. Liberals ended segregation. Liberals passed the Civil Rights Act, the Voting Rights Act. Liberals created Medicare. Liberals passed the Clean Air Act, the Clean Water Act. What did Conservatives do? They opposed them on every one of those things...every one! So when you try to hurl that label at my feet, 'Liberal,' as if it were something to be ashamed of, something dirty, something to run away from, it won't work, Senator, because I will pick up that label and I will wear it as a badge of honor." -- Matt Santos, The West Wing