Saturday, October 31, 2015

Monster Crap Induction: Pro Wrestlers Vs. Zombies (2014)

Monster Crap
Inductee: Pro Wrestlers vs. Zombies

As Dumb As You Would Expect It To Be.

2014

When
I did Piper Month, I somehow knew that in the back of my mind this film would
win. I mean, I host a wrestling podcast and my fans are also wrestling fans.
Heck, the name Monster Crap is a spinoff of the more popular Wrestle Crap. So
thus we get to do a film with the flimsiest of ideas to somehow get pro
wrestlers to fight zombies and that will be how Roddy Piper gets into Monster
Crap.

But
not only do you get to talk about Rowdy Piper and other pro wrestlers on
Monster Crap. But we also get to talk about the company known as Troma.

Founded
by Lloyd Kaufman and Michael Herz, Troma was well known for making lots of
gorey films with the money being spent sparingly on everything else. These are
what people call “trashy films” and Troma is proud of that distinction. With
films like the Toxic Avenger series, Class of Nuke ’Em Hugh, Troma has its cult
audience. My personal opinion is that Troma films are not my type of films. Of
all their films that I have seen, I have only liked Toxic Avenger, Combat
Shock, and a film they just distributed in Frostbiter (aka Wendigo). Yeah,
Troma sometimes just distributes films.

Heck,
They Were The Ones Who Originally Distributed The Hayao Miyazaki film My
Neighbor Tortoro (Before Disney Got The Rights To Distribute All Studio Ghibli
Films)

And
this is one of those films they just distribute so other than this mention, we
won’t be mentioning Troma anymore.

Instead,
we will talk about the real people behind this film, director Cody Knotts and
pro wrestler “The Franchise” Shane Douglas. In 2013, Shane Douglas was running
a federation called Extreme Rising that tried to keep the glory days that ECW
had, when they would do garbage matches and regular matches and mix them into a
nice cult based show. Cody Knotts would help put up some finances and Shane
Douglas would help get wrestlers in the film because he has accumulated a
number of friendships with famous wrestlers over the years. Also this film was
helped by a successful Kickstarter campaign because for a chance to have this
insanity made, why not have people able to pay for it. So with that out of the
way, let’s get to this film.

Ah…..The
Good Old Troma Intro

We
then begin with this quote.

Quoted
By Shane Douglas

We
then go to a local independent wrestling show where we see our ring announcer.

That
sexy lady is So Cal Val, who used to work for Total Nonstop Action (a wrestling
company that I talk about in my Impact Implosions) and now works for SHINE (a
wrestling company that is only about women’s wrestling). She is the ring
announcer for this wrestling show that we are going to see for the first part
of this film and after that, she will never be seen in this film again.

And
The Cameraman Really Loves Her Legs

As
she is introducing the first match, we finally get the title card.

Then
we get to see some wrestling action.

And
A Two Second Cameo By WCW’s Kevin Sullivan

Yeah,
this is a wrestling movie and since I am a wrestling fan, you are going to have
to get over the idea that some of the wrestling stuff will go over your head.
Then we get to sort of the plot of this movie as Taya Parker (Penthouse Pet,
former reality star in Rock Of Love (spoiler: she won and was Brett Michaels’
girlfriend), and in this film, a wrestling manager) is making out with a
wrestler named Battling Billy.

By
The Way, That Was A Stand In For Her During This Kissing Scene For Some Reason

And
of course, her on-screen on and off boyfriend “The Franchise” Shane Douglas
sees this and is pissed.

So
what do you know, the two are going to be wrestling tonight.

They
wrestle with Shane being a heel and Shane hits him with a Reverse Piledriver
that is known as a Tombstone Piledriver.

Please
No Jokes About It Looking Like A Gay Standing 69. Not Even Porno Pete Will Show
Up As He Is Not Into Man On Man Porn.

Shane
wins the match and we see that Billy is not moving.

Billy
has suffered a broken neck and the EMTs come out to carry him to the back as
his brother Angus is in the ring unhappy.

Shane
Douglas smiles as he heads to the back and the promoter Cody Knotts looks on.

By
The Way, That Is The Director Playing Himself, But As A Promoter And Not A
Director. The Person Beside Him Was His Girlfriend At The Time Who Ended Up
Being His Wife In Real Life. All I Can Say To Mr. Knotts Is….Good For You.

The
EMTs stretcher Billy to the back and we cut to black with a voice screaming
that Billy is dead.

We
then cut to the next scene where Promoter Cody is meeting with Angus, who he
doesn’t know is Billy’s brother and just thinks he is some guy trying to book a
private show at an abandoned prison.

Angus
Is Played By Independent Wrestling Personality Ashton Amherst, But He Didn’t
Sound Right For The Part He Will Be Playing So Cody Had Someone Dub Over Him. I
Am Not Making This Up.

He
pays Cody some good money and Cody likes the deal so he offers him to pick any
wrestler he has. He of course picks Shane Douglas and Taya Parker and tells him
he doesn’t care about the rest.

He
Also Says He Will Supply The Opponents So Everything Else Brought In…Is Cody’s
Fault In Some Way.

….Told
you Porno Pete wouldn’t show up. Finally, Cody says that with this amount of
money, they can get Olympic Gold Medalist and Former World Champion Kurt Angle.
Angus is fine with that idea and says to have Kurt be a surprise and have him
enter through the side so no one else sees him.

We
then go to a local hospital where Nurse Barbara is going out to check her makeup.

She
feels uneasy about her surroundings.

Not
Helped By Her Mirror Breaking And Some Black Smoke Coming Out Of It

She
then notices an unattended gurney with someone in it. She goes to unveil it and
it is just some paramedic who is pranking her. She then goes to the side where
we realize that she is really being watched by Angus and this fake cop named
Tez Jaguar.

Tez
Jaguar Being Of Course Played By Richard John Walters, Who Was Harry Warden In
The My Bloody Valentine Remake

Also,
he is Tezcatlipoca, a very powerful deity in Aztec religion and who in this
film is supposed to be the bad deity against Quezacoatl. Barbara gets
chloroformed by Angus and taken to his house.

In
Angus’ house, Barbara is bound and gagged as Angus has a jaguar cane and starts
beginning a ceremony.

Angus
then rips off her coat so we can see her bra.

Angus
puts on a clear rain jacket and goes over to a picture of his brother, which is
basically an 8x10 photo that wrestlers will give with their autograph signature
on it.

Just
In Case We Forgot That Angus Is Billy’s Brother

He
then grabs the ceremonial dagger and stabs Barbara with it, killing her.

He
digs in and grabs her heart. He then eats it.

Mmmmm….Delicious
Pig Heart

Angus
then summons Tez and asks for the ability to avenge his brother.

Really
Need To Stop Smoking In This Room, Angus.

Barbara
then wakes up as a zombie and then we notice a big issue.

You
might remember that Barbara was stabbed in the stomach (her marks prove so) and
Angus was able to rip out her heart and eat it. Last I checked on the anatomy,
your heart is not in your stomach. In fact, your heart is in the left half of
your chest, between your lungs. So unless Angus is able to go through bone with
his bare hand and do a little anatomical molestation of the lungs, he wouldn’t
get getting the heart.

So
some guys (played by independent wrestlers) come in and enter the house like
they were paid to do. They are attacked by Zombie Barbara.

With
the others turning into zombies, the last of them is killed and eaten with a 3D
by Angus & Zombie Barbara.

I’m
Sure The Dudley Boys Would Not Be Amused To See Their Move Used In This Film
And Like The Dudleys Have Said, Thou Shalt Not Mess With The Dudleys.

He
is then killed by the other zombies.

We
then go into the Shane Douglas household.

Well,
These Are All Actors In Real Life (Not His True Family), But This Is A Movie
After All So I Can Forgive That. Just Want People Reading This To Know That.

Yeah,
I think I really don’t need to keep doing that so let’s just say that other
than Matt Hardy & Reby Sky…any relationship here on forward (whether it be
familial or sexual) is just part of the script on not real life because if I
keep doing this, we are going to have a longer ass review than necessary.

Anyway….Shane
is eating breakfast with his family and hanging around his nephew Nick, who is
a huge fan of his. His family tries to get him to either quit wrestling or stay
longer with the family, but Shane refuses. Shane has some fun moments with Nick
before he leaves and asks him to watch over the rest of the family. Shane
leaves and Nick goes back inside, but he finds the place a wreck.

Uh
Oh

He
then finds his dad on the floor turned into a zombie while Zombie Barbara are
killing his grandmother and mom.

They
attack Nick and we go to the headquarters of Extreme Rising.

Shane
meets with Cody, who wants him to go on this venture. Shane is not happy
because Cody has bounced checks with him and threatens to do what he did to
Billy and Gary Wolfe if he doesn’t pay up before this current gig. That Gary
Wolfe name is in reference to a moment in ECW where Shane Douglas legit broke
Gary Wolfe’s neck in a botched DDT onto a title belt.

We
then meet Roddy Piper as he hangs with some kids.

He
is signing autographs and Shane comes in. Shane and Roddy exchange pleasantries.
While they are talking with each other and signing autographs for the kids, we
notice a red haired woman walk by and into Extreme Rising HQ.

Her
name is Sarah Schuman and she is in for a job interview with Cody. After a few
questions with Cody while his assistant Marcus is watching, she is hired for
the gig.

And
For Some Reason, Taya And A Woman Named Serena Are Listening In.

So
then we are on the bus where we meet Matt Hardy.

Making
Out With A Woman That Is Obviously Not Reby Sky

Story
in real life here is Reby was unavailable so they had to stick Matt with an
extra. But in the film, it looks like Matt Hardy is a cheating bastard. This is
kind of funny because in real life, Matt Hardy had a real life incident where
he was fired by WWE because he made public that his on-screen and off-screen
girlfriend Amy Dumas aka Lita had cheated on him with his best friend Adam
Copeland aka Edge. It was a really big story in the wrestling world because Edge
was becoming a main eventer and was close to winning the world title while Lita
was in a story-line forced marriage with Glenn Jacobs’ character Kane. And of
course Matt getting fired really didn’t help anyone in WWE so Matt was
ultimately re-hired after 90 days (before he could make a killing in the
independent scene or at a smaller rival promotion) and that real life drama was
turned into a storyline feud.

We
also get a conversation between Sarah and Piper about why he is friends with
Shane Douglas. Of course, there was a deleted scene where Shane was a jerk to
Sarah to explain why she would ask him about this, but you know….time and
everything. Piper reveals that while sometimes he has questioned Shane’s
motives, he also knows that as long as he has known him, Shane puts his
personal honor above everything. He then simplifies it by saying that everyone
covers each other’s’ back, but they are not all the same and in a strange way,
they are a family.

Taya
Parker goes to hang with Shane Douglas and we see they are back to being an
item. At a restaurant, we see a moment where Shane is dining with Roddy and
Sarah when Taya comes in and tries to sit next to Shane. Shane decides to be a
dick and kick her out of the chair to his laughter. Unfortunately, Sarah laughs
too and gets water in her face from Taya because of it. Sarah goes off to clean
up as Shane and Taya laugh about it. Roddy is disgusted and chastises the two
for doing that, with Taya intimating that Piper is trying to be in a
relationship with Sarah. Piper then does an ad-lib scene where he spits at
Taya.

We
go to the abandoned prison where a band is ready to play for the show.

They
Immediately Get Attacked And Killed By Zombies.

The
bus finally arrives shortly afterwards and Tez, who is driving, stops the bus
and asks everyone to give him their cell phones since the people running this
want to keep it private. Most give up their cell phones easily, except Piper
because he says he doesn’t have a cell phone. Tez laughs and tells Piper to
give it up and Piper looks at him cold and delivers this line.

Piper: I Don’t Have A
Phone. If I Had One, I Wouldn’t Give It To You. Now Leave Me Alone

That
of course settles everything and they are all allowed to head in…

When
The Sky Immediately Turns To Night. Is This Freaking Castlevania II: Simon’s
Quest Or Something?

Roddy
immediately recognizes and greets “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan.

You
Know If I Was Jim Duggan, I Think I Would Greet People The Same Way

Sarah
notices blood on the floor and tries to warn everyone. Marcus comes in and
tastes it and tells everyone that it is just corn syrup. Marcus then tells
Sarah not to fuck this up for him. When he asks if she understands, she smiles
and takes him with her to the closet to do whatever.

In
The Director’s Commentary, Cody Tells Us That These Two Actors Are Gay In Real
Life And That The Joke Was For Them To Go Into The Closet. Yeah…Unless You
Listened To The Director’s Commentary After Watching The Film (Which Means Sort
Of Watching The Film Again), You Would Not Get The Humor In This And It Would
Just Be An “Oh Well, She’s Making It Up To Him, I Guess.”

Greg
Grove decides to have fun with shadow puppets and flex while Taya and Serena
joke about it being a good thing that he is sexy because he is definitely small
in the brain.

Thomas
Rodman and Façade decide to play on the abandoned musical instruments that were
left by the band that got killed earlier.

You All Ready To Botch?!!!

Matt
Hardy and Reby Sky decide to go into a room called the Chapel and make out.

Why
They Would Have Such A Room And Why It Would Have A Sign Like That? I Don’t
Know.

In
the side entrance, Kurt Angle finally arrives with a body guard.

Kurt
starts to question the validity of this gig when the doors behind him are
locked. They try to get out while another body guard on the outside tries to
open the door and zombies start attacking. The bodyguard inside gets killed and
Kurt starts beating up on some zombies.

Powerbombing
A Zombie

Giving
A Zombie An Ankle Lock And Ripping Off A Foot, Much To Kurt’s Confusion

And
Giving Another Zombie An Angle Slam

Kurt
then has a good line.

Kurt Angle: Pittsburghers know
how to kill the undead.

He
is then hit in the back by Angus and his jaguar cane. Angus tells him he will
make a fine addition to his horde. The guy on the outside gets killed by
zombies. Kurt fights back and still tries to kill more zombies, but a giant
zombie chokeslams him and Kurt gets killed.

That
Giant Zombie Is Of Course Sylvester Terkay Who You May As The Bodyguard Of The
Bong From Evil Bong. The Director Thought It Would Be Funny To Have Terkay Be
The One To Cause Kurt’s Demise Since He Lost To Kurt In The Finals Of The 1992
NCAA Division I Heavyweight Tournament.

Angus
leads his zombie horde into the arena as they attack the wrestlers.

Okay,
I don’t think I can do this properly so I am going to go to an e-fed I used to
run for a year with two commentators to call the action.

Tim Hoss: Oh my god…zombies
have shown up at this event!

Jessie King: Angus told us he
had some surprises waiting, but I didn’t expect zombies to show up.

Tim Hoss: This is so unfair,
Jessie…how can our wrestlers have any chance against people that are already
dead and can feel no pain.

Jessie King: See Tim, not
everyone is terrified by these zombies. Look at Greg Grove over here!

Tim Hoss: I have a feeling
he doesn’t even know that these are real zombies.

Jessie King: Well, if that is
the case…I have a feeling he is going to find that out the hard way.

Tim Hoss: Oh my god, is that
Olympic Gold Medalist and Former World Champion Kurt Angle?

Jessie King: Yes, it is….and
I’m loving it.

Tim Hoss: Angle Slam to
Shane Douglas! I can’t believe that Angle has joined Angus’ horde! Damn him to
hell!

Jessie King: Screw you,
Tim…this is perfect!

Tim Hoss: Roddy Piper
thankfully makes the save.

Jessie King: What business does
Piper have getting involved with Kurt Angle

Tim Hoss: Shane Douglas is
his friend. He has to make sure Shane doesn’t get killed out there and looking
at Kurt, I don’t think he cares if he kills Shane.

Jessie King: Well, if you look
at Piper’s punches…it doesn’t look like they are doing any good.

Tim Hoss: Bah Gawd
King…Thomas Rodman is dead!

Jessie King: Add one more to
the zombie horde!

Tim Hoss: “Rowdy” Roddy
Piper and “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan are now having to work together against Kurt
Angle.

Jessie King: Why?

Tim Hoss: Because Kurt is
part of the undead. Undead people need more than one person to take care of
them.

Tim Hoss: Now Shane Douglas
has joined the action.

Jessie King: Triple teaming a
zombie…that is wrong!

Tim Hoss: Well as Kurt Angle
leaves the ring, we may need to get out of here!

Jessie King: Why? This might be
getting better.

Tim Hoss: Well, think about
this. If all the wrestlers die, who do you think the zombies are going to go
after next? It won’t be Angus as he leads them.

Jessie King: Holy crap…you may
be right. Let’s get the hell out of here!

*Tim
Hoss and Jessie King run away.*

Guys…dammit.
Alright, back to the review. Angus comes in and reveals that he has turned
Shane’s family into zombies and Shane is heartbroken by it. Shane, Roddy, and
Jim find away to get out of the ring and past the row of zombies. They join
Taya, Sarah, Serena, Marcus, and Greg as they run away. Façade does a few special
moves and he joins them too. Angus and Zombie Barbara enter the ring as Angus
gloats over his horde.

Oh
Yeah…This Is Awesome. All Of These Zombies And They Are Under My Control!

As
the wrestlers run, Greg grabs a zombie and rips him in half.

They
go into the chapel where they start barricading the door and there, they find
Matt Hardy and Reby Sky still making out.

Yes,
They Had Sex During The Entire Zombie Attack

Roddy
yells at him and tells him what he missed so he gets serious about the
situation. Shane goes and yells at Marcus because he believes his boss set him
up with this attack. Roddy tries to calm him down, but Shane is furious. Sarah
shows up with the sides of her dress cut so she can move around easier…and also
the director liked the Chun Li look. She tells them if they are ready to use
their rage on someone other than each other and if they are, they might need to
listen to her. Shane wonders who she thinks she is.

So
She Drop Toe Holds Shane And Threatens Him With A Machete To His Neck

Roddy
calms her down and says that they all need to work together, which both agree
on. But Shane mutters that “this isn’t over, bitch.” Roddy wonders what
happened with him and Angus and Shane reveals that he accidentally killed his
brother in the ring. They find the weapons locker and get ready to fight back.
They then talk about what to do next and Sarah reveals that she saw a secret
path that they can use. Unfortunately, Greg volunteers to stay behind to try
and hold the door. He fails and dies.

All
The While Yelling “Reboot” Because You Know, He Thought This Was All A Video
Game

And
of course as they use this escape hole, it turns out that Matt Hardy gets
separated from the others. Matt Hardy gets attacked by zombies.

Had
To Use A Ladder Because He & His Brother Are Known For Ladders

And
He Chokeslams A Zombie Through A Table

He
Also Fist Drops A Zombie’s Brains Out With His Fist Wrapped In A Chain

Matt
reunites with the others, but of course, despite wearing a shirt that says
Stronger Than Death, gets ripped in half by zombies.

Of
Course, He Also Was Put In A Corner Because They Were On A Low Budget To Keep
His Lower Torso Invisible.

Reby
tries to will Matt alive, but Matt turns into a zombie and bites Reby.

The
other people get Reby away from Matt and Hacksaw kills Matt with his 2x4.

Let’s
See If You Are Stronger Than My 2x4!

Reby
wakes up wanting brains, but Sarah kills her with his machete.

Shane
Douglas and Jim Duggan get separated from the rest (I guess) and Shane thanks
Hacksaw for being a good friend. They get chased by zombies and then Shane
makes a heel turn by closing the door behind him and leaving Hacksaw to fight
the zombies on his own. Hacksaw puts up a good fight, but he dies.

So
Long, Hacksaw….Send The 2x4 To Charity

Then
Shane Douglas turns heel on Façade where he kicks him out of a cell he
originally was going to share with him. And his excuse?

Shane Douglas: Jobbers Die…Not
Main Eventers

We
then get more scenes of Façade doing flippy moves to fight the zombies. Shane
Douglas offscreen meets back up with Taya and reveals that it was because of
her making out with Billy that caused him to kill him.

Yep….Shane
Douglas Broke Billy’s Neck On Purpose

Taya
is disgusted and leaves him. Taya meets with the others and reveals Shane’s
revelation. Piper doesn’t believe it at first, but she says why Shane did it
and Roddy is just dumbfounded. Sarah says it doesn’t matter what happened as they
need to continue to find a way out. Shane goes a monitoring room and he smiles
as he sees Façade getting killed.

Roddy
then tells Taya, Sarah, Marcus, and Serena to keep going as he will take care
of some of these zombies so Piper heads to the kitchen and this leads to a
moment with Roddy Piper re-enacting a famous Piper’s Pit moment.

Yep….Piper
Hits A Zombie Over The Head With A Coconut

Zombie
Thomas Rodman shows up.

Roddy
Piper beats him up and locks him into the freezer while using a pencil to
barricade the door. Two moments to highlight here.

He
Bites A Zombie (A Reversal Of Zombie Tropes Where The Zombie Bites The Person)After
Locking Zombie Rodman With The Pencil, He Jokes About This Being The First Time
He Ever Had The Pencil (A Joke About Him Always Signing Stuff With A Pen)

Taya,
Serena, and Marcus separate from Sarah and when they get surrounded by zombies,
Marcus plays douchebag and uses the two women as meat shields so he can survive
by climbing over the zombies eating the other two.

Yep….For
Being An Important Character To The Story, Taya Really Gets An Undignified
Death, With It Being Off-Screen.

Sarah
kills more zombies in her path and after a few minutes, Marcus is cornered and
he tries to drop money for the zombies.

Yeah,
Zombies Don’t Need Cash

He
is cornered and killed.

Bye
Douchebag

Piper
opens a door and sees Zombie Hacksaw.

Piper
then does the only humane thing and kills Hacksaw with his 2x4.

That
2x4 Still Needs To Be Donated

Piper
runs into Sarah and they hug. Shane Douglas runs into Angus and Angus laughs
about his predicament. Shane tries to say he didn’t mean to kill Billy, but
Angus doesn’t buy it. And then Shane laughs, beats his chest, and says he did
it on purpose.

Moments
Like These Show Why Shane Isn’t A Very Good Actor

Angus
then sends the zombies after him and Shane talks about how the zombies can’t
deal with a franchise, tells them to come and get him, and then runs away.

Basically
Shane Bravely Ran Away

After
that, Sarah and Roddy look on from above as Angus does another sacrificial
ceremony.

Here
Angus gets another bound and gagged woman (this one with no name and is
Blonde), rips up her blouse so we can see her bra and then kills her with the
dagger.

More
Eating Of Pig Hearts

The
woman becomes Zombie Blonde and now Angus has two female zombie lieutenants.
Piper and Sarah confront Angus. Piper yells at Angus for all of this, but Sarah
grabs him and they keep moving as Angus has his zombie horde follow.

And
somehow they are now outside…

No,
Seriously…Everyone Is Outside.

This
is at the point where you just give up on this film having any sense of how
people get anywhere. Shane Douglas is also outside and he is getting chased by
zombies. Roddy and Sarah also are getting chased by zombies.

Oh
Hey, Look…It’s A Town Where There Is Public. Might Want To Go There…

Yeah,
that isn’t happening.

Roddy
and Sarah get to the flagpole and they have to start killing zombies. After
killing a bunch, we get a promo war between Angus and Roddy Piper. Angus says
that attack is only the beginning. Roddy Piper then gives a speech about how he
beat cancer (he did) and this is nothing. Angus says that he is better than
Piper and Roddy responds by saying he doesn’t die for some weekend warrior.
Roddy spits on the ground and tells Angus that he is an Icon and he can ask
Hogan. Angus demands more power and the ghostly body of Tez says that it is
granted.

Nice
Contacts There, Tez

So
we get confederate zombies.

Not
Joking. Also Little Known Fact: Roddy Piper’s Great-Great Grandfather Was The
First Secretary Of State For The Confederate States Of America.

Sarah
starts worrying if they are going to make it and Piper tells her that the
shameful part is not getting knocked down, but getting knocked down and not
getting up again. Piper goes to see if he can find a path and gets immediately
attacked by zombies. It seems Roddy is going to die, but Sarah yells at the
zombies to come after her. Sarah gets a few kills in, but she gets ganged up by
the zombies. She screams for Piper and Roddy comes to save her ass. Heck, a
zombie even bites Piper.

But
that doesn’t stop Piper as he still kicks some zombie ass. Yeah, the time
period between getting bitten and turning into a zombie really doesn’t exist in
this final act. They finally see Shane running. Shane catches up to them and
Piper reveals that he knows what Shane did. He basically says that he can’t
take it anymore and basically says that Shane broke his heart by intentionally
killing a man in the ring. Yeah…Roddy is really good here and you honestly
believe that he is really ending his friendship with Shane Douglas over this,
but doesn’t have the strength to yell at him because of it.

Angus
interrupts, saying that Shane deserves to die. Shane goes to kick Angus’ ass,
but he gets interrupted by the zombiefied family members. Each family member he
has to kill, it just breaks Shane’s heart even more and eventually after
killing his nephew, he doesn’t have the heart to kill his mom so Piper has to
do it. Shane sends Piper away and The Franchise gets surrounded by zombies. He
gets put on the flagpole and Angus wraps a chain around Douglas’ neck.

Angus
twists the chain with the help of his cane and it is the end for Shane Douglas.

Meanwhile,
Sarah has to fight Zombie Façade.

She
curb stomps Zombie Façade into some wood.

Bye
Façade

She
then kills Zombie Greg Grove.

While
Piper is dealing with some zombies as well, Sarah then gets attacked by Zombie
Barbara.

Then
Zombie Blonde attacks as well.

With
a monkey flip, Sarah seems to have killed Zombie Blonde.

Don’t
Know Why This Would Kill Her, But It Does

This
being one of the two people whose heart Angus ate, this hurts Tez.

Or
He Has The Worst Case Of Brain Freeze

Roddy
realizes killing these two is hurting Angus’ powers so he tells Sarah to kill
Zombie Barbara. Zombie Barbara then bites Sarah.

Sarah
responds by giving Zombie Barbara a Tombstone Piledriver.

That
kills Zombie Barbara and that completely fucks up the power Angus has over the
zombies as they fall. Sarah also falls over due to the bite on her neck. Angus
is not done yet and still tells Piper that his time is over. Piper says that he
is just the All-American Bully and he hates bullies. Piper then says that Angus
makes them, but Roddy breaks them. Angus tries to attack Piper, but Roddy
quickly kicks his ass.

Piper
Then Kills Him With Angus’ Own Cane

This
also defeats Tez, who disappears into smoke and fire.

Piper
goes to check on Sarah, who comes back to life since I guess the zombie curse
is gone. I don’t know….just let these two kiss and we shall be over with this
film.

And
thus we are done.

Matt
Hardy and Reby Sky ended up getting married and had a son. Matt would also get
back in good graces in TNA and would win the world title at their biggest show
of the year in his hometown, before having to relinquish the title two days
later due to chicanery. Hacksaw Jim Duggan has signed on with Global Force
Wrestling to help promote the talent and shows. Shane Douglas’ federation
Extreme Rising went out of business a few months after this film was filmed and
is said to be looking to try again at creating a new fed. But I guess we have
to talk again about Roddy Piper. A year after this film was released, Piper
died in his home from a heart attack. He is missed by many in the movie
community and even more in the wrestling community. He is also survived by his
wife, his four kids, and his four grandkids.

Well,
this movie is obviously a mess. I’ve heard the director on his commentary try
to defend this film, but even he cannot explain enough the enormous plot holes
this film has. He tried to make this a satirical comedy, but sadly it is not
really that funny with too many damn in-jokes that a common viewer would not
get. Piper is also easily the best actor of the wrestlers and considering that
pro wrestlers are supposed to be actors too…that is definitely saying
something. I’m sorry, but I can only recommend watching this once if you are
curious. Other than that, this will go into the pile of Troma films that I do
not like.

And
now that we are done with that, Happy Halloween and before NegaSeth gets in
here to be a pri…

Don’t even think of finishing that line.

Of
course you would come in here at this time. So I know why you’re here so tell
me what the next movie is going to be.

If it wasn’t for what the fans picked for your
leftovers, I would be upset that you are trying to take the joy of me torturing
you. Enjoy the snoozefest of this.