yeah - at my house, the CSA was silent - nothing to hear - but the physical abuse was pretty loud - but i think most of the yelling was by him.you know the old saying -"spare the rod and spoil the child." i can't even imagine how may rods were spoiled on me. but then there were always belts, etc.no - nobody would have thought of interfering. and i always knew enough to smile for the camera.

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"My experience has shown me that I all too often tend to deny that which lies behind, but as I still believe, that which is denied cannot be healed." Brennan Manning, "All is Grace - A Ragamuffin Memoir"

yeah - at my house, the CSA was silent - nothing to hear - but the physical abuse was pretty loud - but i think most of the yelling was by him.

Are we related? Cause you're describing my family. CSA was silent. Even sobbing while being abused resulted in severe punishment. Screaming would probably have got us beaten close to death. But the yelling and cursing and throwing things and beating everyone up - damn. Unless the neighbours were stone deaf, they must have heard...

I guess it just wasn't their business. Back then people knew to stay out of other people's business.

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I guess what I'm trying to sayIs whose life is it anyway because livin'Living is the best revengeYou can play-- Def Leppard

ya know guys It is amazing how normal the whole thing seemed. I remember once when the some of the bullies at school bashed my head with a rock and dad came up to the school. He asked me at 13 if I thought I should go to the Dr. It was dad! of course I was tougher than them... no I didn't go. bled pretty much the whole year I feel it marked me for that final perp and nothing was ever said or done. one day at T I told about all this and I was angry .. I nearly hit, well I did pound my fist into my leg but I calmed and left. later I was with my son and as I talked to him I became so angry again. I told my son the story and how I never felt safe or protected and I got angry and hit the car and cried with him as well. and after a minute he said to me " you know dad if it makes any difference... you never let me feel that way" and ya know ... it made all the difference in the world.

Edited by newground (02/27/1307:24 PM)

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Either I will find a way, or I will make one.Philip Sidney

yes, newground - i know what you mean. telling my wife about the dodge-ball incident, she was just incredulous that parents would have done nothing like that - but i accepted it as normal at the time. that's why it hit me so hard when it all came up now - i had never looked at it through normal adult eyes as a parent and seen what really happened. the reality check was shocking. i get you.lee

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"My experience has shown me that I all too often tend to deny that which lies behind, but as I still believe, that which is denied cannot be healed." Brennan Manning, "All is Grace - A Ragamuffin Memoir"

Oh lord, this is beautiful. Thanks. It makes me happier than it hurts (and it hurts a lot) to know that love does happen in families. Some families.

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I won the moment he hurt me, because he poisoned his soul, and I did not poison mine. I did not hurt anyone. He did. He was the perp. He tried to make me into a victim, but I became a survivor. Yes.

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