5. "MIL: Aren't the ballerinas in this 'The Nutcracker' production lovely? Me: Yes, they are. MIL: Were you in ballet? Me: No, unfortunately I was not.MIL: Yes, that sounds right. I pause. Say nothing. 'What does that mean?' I'm thinking. MIL: They take really good care of their bodies."

SO: Mom. Dad. I want to let you know that I really love her. More than anyone I've been with in my life. And that I really think I want to marry her. SO's mom: Really? You love her more than you loved Amy? SO: Wait... what? Seriously? Did you seriously just say that? SO's mom (getting weepy): I really loved Amy. I miss Amy...

Amy is the girlfriend my SO dumped six years ago. SIX YEARS AGO."

7. "My MIL is extremely negative and can find fault with anything. When she stays with us it's a nonstop litany of complaints. For example, we went to the Holocaust Museum for an exhibit on Nazi propaganda art and an employee there asked us what we thought of the exhibit. My MIL told him, 'It wasn't my cup of tea. Too depressing, and I think there was too much about Hitler.'"

11. "My MIL referred to me as 'the whore of Babylon' after she figured out I was living with her son (we had moved in together two years earlier. We had been dating six years, having been high school sweethearts). I was 'inviting the devil into [our] den of iniquity.' She's nice to my face now that I have a grandchild as leverage."