Friday, August 7, 2009

The number of comments on the last post is staggering. I'll have the top genres for you next week, I promise; in the meantime, Laura's back with another link-heavy round-up. Enjoy! — E

Last week I challenged you to write the greatest love story every told. Who knew that Hitler was such a closet romantic? You all did, it seems. I read your entries, laughed, cried, and groaned at some truly terrible puns (you know who you are), and selected a winner.

Holding his copy of Mein Kampf, Maurer opened the cover to read the inscription, "Herrn Johann Georg Maurer. In memory of our time together in prison in Landsberg. Cordially dedicated by Adolf Hitler. Christmas 1925." The message was subtle; Maurer closed his eyes, hugged the book to his chest and whispered, "Mein pookie."

This is destined to be a classic. I feel it in my bones. Hitler, I’m sure, would feel it in at least one bone. And now that our disturbing image of the week quota is filled, on to the round up—there’s also a new contest down the line (or just click here to go straight there and ignore my brilliant witticisms. Know that I’m silently judging you).

This list prompted the following G-chat conversation with Eric (note: all vulgarity has been removed and punctuation added, for readability and out of regard for your tender sentiments):

Laura: WHY IS TWILIGHT ON THE SAME LIST AS LOVE IN THE TIME OF CHOLERA?THE CORRECTIONS AND TWILIGHT: ON PAR.Kill me.I don't want to live anymore.Eric: I feel barfy now.Laura: Please put me out of my misery.Eric: But you have to put ME out of MY misery!Are you ****ing kidding meThe Time Traveler's WifeAre you ****ing kidding meThis planet is totally ****ed.Kurt was right about everything.

Listen. I read The Time Traveler’s Wife, and I really enjoyed it. But top 60 from the past 60 years? Yikes. If you love time travel, check out this list of the top ten time travel novels (from which The Time Traveler’s Wife is suspiciously absent…).

As to Twilight, that book is the cut inside my mouth I can’t stop poking—I just can’t leave it alone. This is just a preface to say: next post, I swear, will be Twilight free. But not this one!

There's a new Twilight video game coming out, that will be World of Warcraft meets virgin vampires. In the words of the Geekologie writer, "Wow, can you say a bunch of creepy old guys trolling for teen girls in a video game? Because I can. It's pronounced Twilight: The MMORPG."

Luckily, vampires are going back to their catacombs soon, because Neil Gaiman said so, and as a rule I don't argue with Neil. I also don't argue with wizards. (If, as I suspect, Neil is a wizard, I could winnow it down to just one rule.) There has been a big debate about who wizards better (“to wizard” is a verb now): Gandalf or Dumbledore. Answer: false. Merlin. Although I have to say, Gandalf has been doing a wonderful job on Top Chef Masters.

One more thing driving me to the bottle (what? It's Friday!): Green Apple Books’ videos comparing the Kindle with print books. I was thinking about embedding the best one here, but it turns out they’re all terrible, and I'm sorry, if I wanted to watch terrible acting I could stop by my local middle school musical. Green Apple Books: proving once again that hippies can’t do anything right.

A non-hippie started a company that comes up with titles for books, and I have to be honest here—I think this might just be the greatest racket ever. People. We can DO this. So this week’s contest: prove your title writing chops by renaming a classic (or just something popular) in the comments, without including the original title. The rest of us will try to guess what you renamed. The author of the funniest and most sales worthy title gets a hearty pat on the back, and can be my first employee at Titillating Titles, LLC (plus the feature in next week’s post). The person who guesses the most fake titles correctly earns a permanent spot on my bar trivia team. And I take bar trivia very seriously. Your deadline is next Thursday night—don’t miss it, or your publisher will drop you like you’re hot. Even if you’re famous and important.

If you like the contest, you’ll certainly like these fictional character pick-up lines, some of the best of which came through Twitter. Don’t be Twitter shy, guys—it can be great for book publicity! And Margaret Atwood is doing it. Only sheer laziness keeps PMN from Twitter (also, we tend to run on—140 characters isn’t a lot). But you guys go have fun. (NB: Twitter upsets my stomach. Sad, but true. But don't let it stop you from promoting yourselves—there's nothing better than free publicity. — E)

Well, tigers, that’s all for this week. Remember: submit contest entries in the comments to win eternal fame and fortune (minus the “eternal” part. And the “fortune” part. And maybe change the “fame” part to “some recognition on a blog”). Until next week!

55 comments:

Um, you do realize that 'creepy old guys trolling for teen girls' isn't just the -video game-, right? The hero in the novel is a 96-year-old man who not only falls for a 16-year-old girl, but decides for no particularly reason to -repeat High School-.

WTF? A telepathic immortal who longs for Phys Ed and cafeteria food and reading The Red Badge of Courage one more time. And asking permission to leave the room to potty. Now that is power.

And you don't get to slam Twilight while praising (in the person of Dumbledore) Harry Potter. Harry Potter is just Twilight for less mature kids.

But that wasn't a list of the bestselling books, or the most popular books. Clearly, people love Twilight and Harry Potter and Da Vinci Code and Bridges of Madison County, and that's a wonderful thing. I hope that one day I write a book that people like one hundredth as much as any of those.

And all of those books succeeded on their own merits, too; there are no celebrities or children-of-celebrities or CEOs or anything on that list. The only reason my novels haven't done as well is because I haven't written anything that appealing.

Still, that level of popularity doesn't really speak to 'best', in this context.

Submit as many titles as you can come up with! and thanks for not spilling your title beans—feel free to email your answers to pimpmynovel (at) gmail (dot) com or give it up here next Thursday.

To the Twilight responders, I appreciate your feedback! I know I haven't justified my Twilight opinions, but I didn't think anyone would be interested.

Basically, my Twilight issues boil down to two things: 1. I think it's poorly written (as does Stephen King), and 2. I think that Meyer created weak female characters, made stalkerish boyfriend behavior look acceptable, and espouses an abstinence only outlook that just doesn't work.

I say this as someone who loves Tamora Pierce's Alanna, Garth Nix's Sabriel, Patricia Wrede's Cimorene, and all of Mercedes Lackey's heralds. I heart YA female leads, but in a world where even Dora the Explorer is getting sexed up, I dislike poor role models for girls and young women (for a cartoon with amazing female leads, watch Avatar: The Last Airbender).

Way to contest! I see that Terry and cloudshaper2k have included their answers already, so I'm just going to post the rest (some of these may not be right, and a few straight up stumped us all--the answers below are partly right answers people emailed to me, and partly guesses from the comments or from me).

Harry Potter and the Inferiority of Muggles: Harry Potter of some varietyFear and Loathing in Denmark: HamletTo Catch a Whale: Moby DickAtticus: To Kill a MockingbirdThe Castaway Boys: either Peter Pan or Lord of the FliesNo Fishing for Old Men: The Old Man and the SeaManaging Your Throne & Power: The PrinceThe Dumbbell and the Flutterbutt: The Diving Bell and the ButterflyThe Ghost Speaks in a Fanciful Voice: Phantom of the OperaA Penny Store In Salem: House of Seven GablesSparkley Death: TwilightThe Chatty Spider on the Farm: Charlotte’s WebGrowing up, Lepus Capensis: Rabbit, RunA Little Person's Quest for Jewelry: The HobbitThe Lost Slipper: CinderellaThe Case of the Spectral Canine: Hound of the BaskervillesThe Place Where There is No Darkness: An American Tragedy or 1984On the Road with Some Seedy Characters, but a Few Righteous Folks Too: Canterbury TalesSnakemen Can't Kill BabiesFierce BunniesWhere Do the Ducks Go?

About

My name is Eric, and I work in the sales department of a publishing house. There are a lot of blogs out there that cover the agenting and editorial aspects of book publishing, but here you'll find out what happens to your book after it's been acquired.

On Fridays, recovering publishing insider Laura writes round-ups. She also posts over on Combreviations.

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Drop me a line at pimpmynovel (at) gmail (dot) com. If I think your questions/comments would be a good addition to the blog, I'll post/answer them! (With permission and full credit, of course.)