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Archive: Prince Valiant

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“Hello again kids, and welcome back to World of Animals — I’m your beloved host, Carl. Not much going on back home in Yucatán these days, so let’s explore Nature Facts from all around this wonderful World of Animals!”

Six Chix, 11/25/18

“Ever wonder what turkeys do if they survive Thanksgiving? They dress up in human clothes and memorialize the mass death of their kind in ritual feasts like these. Turkeys are not right in the head, is what I’m saying.”

“Did you know humans are among the few large mammals to mate year-round? Looks like these two have it figured out! ‘Time devoted strictly to family’ my tiny tail!”

Mary Worth, 11/25/18

“Have you heard about the theory that cats control people through a parasite called Toxoplasma gondii transmitted in their feces, and that people with compromised immune systems — like the elderly — are particularly vulnerable? It’s true!”

“Now that Mary Worth has signed on to take all the crap Libby the cat here can put out, and Libby is clearly taking none of hers, we can all settle in to watch them square off in The Battle of the Controlling Parasites. I’ll pop some corn!”

— Turtle Carl, for Uncle Lumpy

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Sally Forth, 7/1/18

For better or worse, people in Gasoline Alley and Funky Winkerbean grow up as they age. But here in Sally Forth they grow down, by which I mean they turn into Ted — with his attention deficit, encyclopedic pop-culture obsessions, and the whimsy oh God so much whimsy. We’ve seen it happen before to Hilary, and here Sally herself succumbs. While I’m delighted to see her give up being a humorless scold, I’m not sure the strip can handle two Teds. And it makes Real Ted’s proposal just icky.

Prince Valiant, 7/1/18

Listen Prince Valiant, I will stick with you through this “Senate votes on the Trade Zone” nonsense, but one word about midichlorians and we are done.

Curtis, 7/1/18

It’s funnier if that’s Edna.

Judge Parker, 7/1/18

The pizza guy shows up at the door and confirms the leading lady’s innocence: history’s worst porno script.

— Uncle Lumpy

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Beetle Bailey, 4/19/15

Never mind the deceptively delicate “sent to look for dangerous things” mission description — this is a hardened, deadly battle-drone that forces Beetle to reveal himself as a pacifist shirker or die. Deftly, Beetle inserts a brief viral message into the drone’s code, a vision of happy indolence — to live in the midst of an army, yet be far removed from the exertions and terrors of war. The drone is immediately and completely disarmed. Asymmetric warfare, indeed!

Beetle is thus exposed as a subversive menace and an imminent threat to our armed forces. I’m counting on Sarge to crush him. At least a couple times, this week.

Funky Winkerbean, 4/19/15

Say, didn’t we just finish “petulant writer gets the chance of a lifetime in Hollywood and whines about it the whole time”? Why yes we did. So why are we sending in the B team? And will we never, ever be free of Starbuck Jones? Didn’t John Carter teach Hollywood that old-timey science fiction is a bore and a money pit?

I do like the “handsome actor drives around mumbling incoherently” bit, although that car should definitely be a Lincoln.

Prince Valiant, 4/19/15

Nearing home, Aleta reflects, “Sure, girls, you can always enslave your enemies. But take it from Mom, it’s much easier just to straight-up crucify them. Oops ha-ha, I mean ‘peg’ them to ‘posts.'”

Val thinks, “Uh-oh, wife’s in one of her moods again. Hmm, maybe I can help out in the galley for a while.”