Zorro Speaks: Batman Is Getting On My Nerves

Zorro is one masked avenger carrying around a real beef. Chatting with a man who’s as deadly good with a sword as he is always risky. Before agreeing to our interview, he demanded one concession from us. It was non-negotiable. We either conceded him the point or he’d ride off into the sunset or moonlight. We’d be left with zilch, nada – holding onto our stinky, fat asses and out of the loop.

For admirers of caped crusaders, the comparisons between Zorro and a certain crime fighter hailing from Gotham City aren’t new or unusual. Is this finally the time to clear the air about it all? We knew what was coming.

This was his firm demand: We wouldn’t ask one question about Batman. He could bring up the caped crusader, if he wanted to do so, but not us. Deal? Yeah, sure, we’ll deal. Zorro’s got a lot to say. He’s not holding anything back.

Zorro Speaks

Why talk to us publicly now? Don’t you still have a secret identity to conceal?

How will talking to you guys jeopardize my true identity? Talk about fake news. Sheesh.

Fair enough. It’s not like we’re interrogating you or anything, right? Not like that other guy with a cowl and cape who likes to play hardball–

Don’t go there. We have an agreement.

Gotcha. Yes, so what’s going on with you these days? Still carving that big Z into everything in sight?

Oh Yeah. It’s my signature move. Hey, it still works like a charm. All these other superheroes with their big ass spotlights. You know…. The logos. T-shirts. All this merch. Marketing madness. It all gets pretty old, if you ask me. Are you guys fighting crime, or are you all a walking talking souvenir shop? Sort of a philosophical and existential crisis of real magnitude.

Zorro Buddies

Yeah. Preach. There are so many superheroes today all over the place. And look at your origins – you were one of the very first.

Yes. And does anyone even really remember me? Do you see me trending on Netflix or Google? No. No, you don’t see Zorro trending much anywhere. I’ve been forgotten. Hell, comic book fans know more about The Power Puff Girls than they know about yours truly. Just damn ponderous.

How about Star Wars? Let’s talk about Darth Vader. He wears a mask. He’s a master swordsman – even though it’s an energy sword. He even wears a cape. What about him?