Dirtystacks's profile

DirtyStacks

47 years old

Male

Harvard, IL

About Me:

Follow my blog! http://www.myfitnesspal.com/blog/dirtystacks

FRIEND REQUESTS: I have never denied a friend request and hope I never have to. Welcome to my ride to fitness!

The thing is though, the boat is starting to get crowded and I don't want to lose sight of what is important. To help me help you, please answer these questions for me to understand how I can!
What made you decide to friend me?
What is your ultimate goal?
What's your biggest obstacle to reaching your goal?
How are you going to get there?
How can I help you get there?
If you fall down, will you get back up?
Are you sure?
Are you really sure?
You promise?
I HOPE SO!!!

45 yr male
Ht: 5' 6.5"
SW: OMG 308!!!
GW: 140

Except for early high school, I have never really been at the ideal weight for my short stature. In fact, I had to lose weight in order to enter the Navy! After boot camp I was quite fit, but still over weight for my height at 163. I haven't seen that weight since 1986.

After 10 years of service under the worlds oceans on submarines, I was honorably discharged and entered my "No Pain = No Pain" years. With no requirement over me to do PT, I eschewed all forms of exercise. I also ate whatever I wanted and as much as I wanted. Those wants went unabated for 16 years and my daily caloric intakes steadly increased until I was now eating in excess of 5000 calories a day, and there were days where I easily ate 8000 calories.

I was diagnosed with sleep apnea over 10 years ago. That should have been the wake up call but CPAP made it all ok. It enabled me to continue eating even though the globuals of fat were restricting my airway to the point I needed the postive air pressure of this machine to keep my airway open so I didn't sufficate in my sleep. Not every sleep apnea patient's problem is because of obesity, but mine is. So CPAP made it ok. I was only mildly embarassed to use it, because its private...when I'm sleeping. Only my family and the hotel maids when I travel even really knew about it. I could still eat and eat and eat.

In February 2012, I found myself MORBIDLY OBESE with a BMI of 49.9. You heard me:

M-O-R-B-I-D-L-Y O-B-E-S-E.

I hate that term! Hate it! It sounds so final... So ugly... So me. So I woke up. I had to look at my mortality, myself in the mirror, and my family. I sure wanted to be around longer than my current life tragectory was headed. I made a decision to fix this.

Pay Now, Or Pay Later.
Having given up on fitness, I now found myself in a very dark and lonely place. I had eaten with wild abandonment and now the bill was due. The staggering realization I had to drop 168 pounds of pure fat was so unbelievable that it was just laughable to even think about it. REALLY, 168 lbs? People complain they can't lose 15 lbs...The mountain seemed unclimbable.

I had tried to lose weight many times. I've been on many diets, low fat, low carb, Atkins, you wanna know what? I'm a champ at diets! I lost weight on every single diet I have ever been on. Seriously! I lost 40 lbs on Atkins. It was the first time I hit 270. Diets work! Until they don't....when you have reached that point in which no matter how much will power you have, you can no longer resist that something that you crave. Chocolate, cake, pudding, potatoes, caramel, cheesecake, fudge...whatever your guilty pleasure is! So you crave to the craving. You feel guilty because you were so good for so long. You beat yourself up for giving up, for failing. Then you think, well, I screwed up, I'm gonna make it worth it! You binge, you eat and eat until you are over satisfied, until you find that feeling of comfort. Whamo! You are derailed. You justify it cause you were so good for so long. Hell, 40 lbs! Be proud! Then you go back to eat the way you use to, you feel guilty, you eat more, and so begins the next weight gain to a point that you start your next diet. Diets failed me because they were so restrictive that I could never sustain the level of restriction for as long as I needed to in order to lose the amount of weight I needed to lose. So it went for me on the yo-yo, only you never go down as far as you go up, such that you are on an upward slope never to return. Eventually you tell yourself, the Hell with it all. I accept that I will always be this way.

If you are not morbidly obese, you will not understand how restrictive on life it is. Things you think about: Can I fit between those people to get to the other side? Will that seat belt fit me? Do you have any tables? (read: I can't fit into a booth.) How can someone forget to eat a meal? I need to wear loose fitting clothing because it will help hide my fat rolls. (It doesn't!) You need to move that chair in buddy, I'm not Twiggi! If an obese person tells you they are ok with their obesity, they are either lying, or they are lying. Yeah, I said it. No one wants to be obese.

In 2011, I had a full physical because I had a desire (read: fear) to find out how bad my obesity was affecting my health. I already knew I was unhealthy. But I feared diabetes, heart disease, etc. The results were actually surprisingly good. BP: Normal. My Cholesterol was high, real high. I weighed in at 305. Hormone levels were normal (no excuse to be found there). I did discover I have a mild case of asthma. I now have an emergency inhaler, but have never really needed to use it. No diabetes. No heart disease. Zero signs of any COPD. ( I was a heavy smoker for 20 yrs but stopped 1/17/05.). How I was able to do this is beyond reason. I should be diabetic. I am very thankful. But this was an enabling find. It meant I could keep going, I was just fine. But I knew I wasn't. I knew I needed to fix this.

I kept telling myself, alright, on Monday, I'm starting. Mondays came and they went. Nothing changed. I would go to bed on Sunday and tell myself, tomorrow is the day. Monday would come and I would have my breakfast of 3 eggs, 7 sausge links, 2 pieces of 9 grain toast slabbed with 1/4 stick of butter, 2 cups of hash-browns and coffee. (Can you figure out the calories in that meal?)

In Feburay of 2012, my beautiful wife came across MFP and showed it to me. OMG!! The answer to my problem. With MFP, I have a plan. A roadmap. A way to see how to reach the goal. So I joined. I started logging. I scoured the forums. I read all the success stories, I looked at all the pictures of the incredible amounts of weight some of these people had lost. I couldn't believe it. So I joined. The first day I logged and couldn't believe how many calories I was eating. I made the goals and found my net calorie goal was set to 1800/day. So I tried very dilligently the next day to stay under. To my surprise, I could do it. I did again the next day, and the next, and the next. Then someone asked to be my friend. I accepted. And so it began. I scoured the forums, although I really lurked for most of the time. I decided I needed PT if I had any chance of making this happen. I refused to join the local gym for a number of reasons, but mostly because I was embarrased and felt I needed to just focus and couldn't if I was worried about what people were thinking. (Little did I know that the truth is most people are impressed to see you and hope you don't quit.) My solution: I surfed Craigslist and have assembled a nice home gym. Squat rack, two treadmills, elliptical, recumbent bike, Nordic Track.

When I started in Feb 2012, I didn't exercise the first month. The next month a set a goal of 3 workouts of 20 mins each a week. That month, I logged 300 minutes of exercise. I now log greater than 2600 minutes of exercise a month. I went from being unable to run to the bathroom to recently running the distance of a 10K without stopping. In August, between my MTB and my stationary I set a goal to pedal 1,000 miles. I was able to go over 1,100! I'm quite proud of that achievement! I have come to love biking so much, my reward is an awesome road bike. Only it's the end of the season, and will defer to Spring 2013 to collect! Now I am concentrating on running because it has always been my Achilles Heal. Achievable goal: Chicago Marathon! Challenging Goal: 2014!

I almost never eat back all of my exercise calories, but I do eat them if I am hungry. I also eat them to have the things I always denied myself on a diet. You see, I am no longer on a diet. I will never diet again. Diets never taught me how to eat when I'm not on a diet. I now eat nearly anything I want. I just try to chose different wants. More chicken and fish, less red meat. Less fried. There are those days where I just can't seem to control any cravings and I find myself eating 5 ice cream bars. I have a penchant for chocolate and peanut butter. I know if I forbid it, I'll binge like that all the time. I found when I can have whatever I want, most lot of the time I will not chose to eat it simply because I can eat it if I want to. I know it's all symantics, but its working for me - most of the time. I still have days though and I know I always will. Exercise will cancel a multitude of sins. ;)

October 5, 2012, I hit 100 lbs lost. Easy? No. Achieveable? Yes. Commitment to me, setting goals, achieveing them and setting larger ones. I embraced exercise and pleasantly discovered that the more I do, the more I push myself, the more I can do. I have dropped the following pants sizes: 54,52,50,48,46,44,42,40, and now wear 38 (loose), 36 (tight). I have run out of clothes. I no longer have a suit that fits properly and I'm afraid to get one because, well, I'm not done. ONEderland is only 8 lbs away! And my ultimate weight goal is much further. But I know I will get there...just not today.

I still have a long way to go to reach my ultimate fitness goals and welcome you along for the ride!

Why I want to get in shape

I could easily list a hundred reasons, but they all revolve around living a full, activity filled, goal acheiving life with my beautiful family and friends that share my ride to fitness.