Career Opportunities For Losers and Lazy People

Become a food tester

When we say food tester we mean become a food tester for a your local mob boss. Being a mob boss is stressful people are always trying to kill you. So in order to prevent being poisoned they frequently hire food testers. The job has a high turnover rate but it pays really well.

My friend Ernie used to do this for a living. Ernie couldn’t hold down a job. But one day, he was approached by a friend of his uncle who offered him the food tester job. Ernie’s uncle told him not to do it, but for 700 bucks a week Ernie couldn’t turn it down. Ernie would be picked up by a chauffer three times a day driven to the mob bosses home or at whatever fine restaurant the boss would be having his meal. Ernie would come in, not say a word to anyone, grab the eating utensils take a few bites of the boss’ meal wait to see if anything happened and when it was established by the boss that the food was safe for consumption Ernie would leave. Easy enough, right. Then one day Ernie didn’t come home from work. I was later informed that Ernie had died of food poisoning. The poisoning was not the result of an assassination attempt on the boss’ life Ernie just ate some bad meat. So over all being a food tester is not a bad job and it may be perfect for you. R.I.P Ernie.