Dads go missing when kids need therapy

By Cosima Marriner

Sam Gledhill likens parenting to a team sport, joking that wife Emma is drill sergeant and he is chief fun officer.

More seriously he says they have very similar views and strategies for raising their sons Henry and Charlie, and set boundaries for their children together.

Team approach: Sam Gledhill and his two sons Henry (left) and Charlie.

Photo: Simon Schluter

"Parenting is a team sport; you really need to tackle this together. We are co-coaches in this game," Mr Gledhill said. "Having both parents actively involved is absolutely critical for a well-rounded child."

But not all dads have the same view of parenting. New research shows that less than one in five fathers turn up to sessions when their child needs therapy for behavioural issues, blaming work commitments or deeming it the mother's job.

University of Sydney researchers surveyed psychologists, psychiatrists, social workers and GPs who run child conduct programs across Australia to ascertain the level of father involvement in these programs.

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Those surveyed said fathers usually didn't come along because they couldn't take time out of work, or the session wasn't on at a convenient time. Some fathers also considered attending their child's therapy to be part of the mother's role.

"There is a lot of room for improvement to get fathers along," said Dr Lucy Tully, project leader for the University of Sydney's Like Father Like Son project funded by Movember. The project aims to improve fathers' involvement in parenting programs.

"The evidence suggests these programs are much more effective for children's outcomes when we get dads involved," Dr Tully said. However, only half of services had tried to get fathers to attend, and 60 per cent did not hold sessions out of office hours.

Researchers also surveyed fathers about their involvement in parenting programs. Most fathers said they would attend a program, but hadn't been given the opportunity. They didn't care whether the program facilitator was male or female; it was more important to them that the program was effective, the facilitator was trained, and the program was aimed at both fathers and mothers.

Sydney University Professor of Psychology Mark Dadds​ said it was "less than optimal" that parenting programs were only engaging mothers. "Parenting is a team [endeavour]. People don't always see eye to eye, especially when kids have behavioural problems. One of the first things that happens is they stop acting as a team."

In a bid to boost father involvement in child therapy, the Like Father Like Son team will launch an online parenting program targeting men in the middle of the year. It is aimed at both preventing and treating children's problems.

Professor Dadds expects fathers to increasingly become involved with all aspects of their child's upbringing as societal expectations change. "It's not acceptable to just be the breadwinner and never connect with the child. But it's moving very slowly. Mums still do the bulk of the work."

Mr Gledhill said that if one of his boys needed some form of therapy "I wouldn't waste a heartbeat thinking about it, I would just make it happen [to be there] … As men and as fathers and as role models we need to make sure [our children] are as important to us as they are to mums."

But he said society needed to improve opportunities for men to be both actively involved parents and strong contributors in the workforce.