I frequently find myself in situations where I stop and ask, "Who else but Erin?" These situations (like rolling a spare tire down Fairfax Ave one evening after I got a flat and cutting off the tree branch that was rapping at my window with kitchen sheers one night) have been dubbed as absolutely hilarious by my friends and family. Alas, I have decided to share them with you, not only to make you laugh, but to make you ask, "Who Else But Erin?" Enjoy Friends!

Monday, September 9, 2013

You know when you just have a
weird day and everything seems to stand out as odd? I recently had one of
those days. I was on my lunch break, walking to Trader Joe’s when I saw a
gentleman getting arrested outside of Peet’s Coffee. He was handcuffed and
being helped into the back of the squad car. It is a little upsetting to see
anyone getting arrested and it left me with a weird feeling in my stomach but I
got an even weirder feeling when I got to Trader Joe’s about fifteen minutes
later. I went to grab a salad out of the refrigerated section and when I turned
around, who was selecting a ‘Very Green Juice’ out of the cooler next to mine?
The guy who I just saw being arrested. And I can confirm that it wasn’t his twin
because I distinctly remember his blue and pink Nike sneakers. Wait a
minute!!!???

Then I got in line to buy my
salad, still scratching my head when the girl behind me asked if she got
cut me in line because she was in a hurry. Sure, not a problem! She then introduced
herself as Danger from Maine and told me a joke. “Why does Snoop Dogg carry an
umbrella? Fo Drizzle!” Who the hell was this chick?

Usually when I get home from
work, I workout and then eat dinner, but since I had missed Breaking Bad that week, I thought I would watch it before I worked
out. Anthony was working late so I had the place to my self. When I walked in
the door, I noticed a few large boxes leaning up against the counter with a
note that said “I hope you like your new bike!” Aww, what a great boyfriend I
had!

Out of love and before I crashed on the couch to watchBreaking Bad, I thought I would finish up a few loads of his laundry, it’s the least I could do. When I opened the dryer and pulled out the dry clothes, I noticed that one of Anthony’s t-shirts was split in half and ripped to shreds. Oh SHIT!!!

I began to freak out,
contemplated searching online to find the exact shirt for him so I could hide
it and then decided to text him and let him know what I had done. I was hoping
he wouldn’t be too mad. While I was waiting for his response text, I changed
into my workout clothes but when I reached down to put on my sneakers, I
noticed something in my shoe. There was a small knife sticking out of it. What the hell?

I
immediately thought that somehow Anthony was watching me and was sending me a
message about ruining his clothes, then my mind went to the episode of Breaking Bad that was paused on my TV
and my heart skipped a beat thinking that Walter White was out to get me. No,
that couldn’t be right.Just as the
beads of sweat started to drip down my forehead, I got a text back from
Anthony, “Hey babe, no you didn’t ruin the shirt, I ripped it in half and
forgot to take it out of the laundry. Did you happen to find the little kitchen
knife? I lost it when I was opening the bike box.” PHEW!

Lately I have been
leaving him these little notes around the house that say, “I love you
because________.” The one I left for him (in his shoe) tonight said, “I love
you because you hide knives in my shoes.”

Thursday, September 5, 2013

Many of you may be wondering where I got the nickname 'Dumps' and many of you probably had no idea that my nickname was 'Dumps.' No, it doesn't have to do with my love of dump trucks, the size of my booty or my frequent trips to the bathroom...I am going to expose the meaning behind that for you right now. And yes, you are welcome- now you can sleep tonight! : )
When I was in high school I worked at Abercrombie and Fitch in Freeport, Maine with my best friend Alicia. As an employee behind the register, I had to scan the articles of clothing by the barcode located on the tag. If a certain item didn't have a barcode however, we had to use a dummy code called a 'dumpskew.' For some reason my manager thought my last name was Dumpskew instead of Demchak, so he started to call me 'Dumps' for short. Alicia of course thought this was hysterical and she started calling me 'Dumps' all the time. The only time she ever calls me Erin, til this day even, is when she is mad at me. And naturally my little sister (whom lived with Alicia and I in Boston) became 'Lil Dumps' and my parents became 'Momma Dumps' and "Poppa Dumps.' The best part? Alicia's son Victor just started to talk and now calls me 'Humpty Dumpty.'