My last poem, Traveller and Friend, I’ve gotten responses ranging from, what the poem was actually about to thinking that I’ve fallen in “Love”. So in clarification to the poem

1. I am not in love. No need to be concerned in that area.

2. The poem was to express my fears and concerns about the next step in life that my family is about to take. It scares me, I mean it terrifies me.

Father Yah has shown my family to settle, I won’t put in the details of that “settle”, at least not in this post. Because its almost irrelevant, its just the word “Settle” that strikes fear and hope into my heart. Weird huh?

10 years ago we sold our house, but it wasn’t until 8 years ago that we really started travelling. So for almost 1/2 my life Travelling, or at least not having any roots has been my life. And its all I know. For almost 8 years we’ve been praying for a place of our own. Over the past couple of years that prayer has increased.

It was always a distant dream that we could dream, but were forbidden to touch. At least for those years. It was a dream that gave us hope to keep going when times were tough and we wanted to give up. It was His promise to us, and one that we prayed about almost everyday and probably several times a day during the hard times.

Not many people understood, we were constantly being ridiculed and put down in different ways, because of our life style. By people who were established, and you can guess their argument was, a major part of it was because my Dad didn’t work. Well there were two reasons for that: A. we traveled there was no place for my Dad to do wood pattern making, B. He worked full time in the ministry, he had no time to do pattern making even if it was possible.

But they weren’t the only ones to put us down. The couple that we traveled with and those really close to them, were always putting down people who had a house and didn’t live like they did, like they were wimps or something. So they could not understand our dream, nor would they help in that way.

And that’s a sore spot for me. I hate being nailed as soft. So when that was implied through out my life I went to lengths to show that I wasn’t. And its been a constant sore spot since. For me to put roots down which I have always been told (Not by my parents) is a show of softness. Even though that it has been my prayer, and dream I’ve always been afraid of it in a way that if I do get roots I’ll become soft.

I understand that this is an unfounded fear, and a silly one at that.

That’s not the only reason, just one of the major ones, another one is I don’t know how to live a life like this and its going to take awhile. With all the paper work and everything, my brother almost having emotional breakdowns everyday, the stress of finding a place to live and all these options but having no options at all, I’m starting to wonder if this is really worth it.

And with Dad saying that YHWH’s saying that settling is only for a time. Is it really worth it? Is it really worth the risk that He’ll take it all away once we get somewhere in all of this?

I know I’ll regret it for the rest of my life if I didn’t take this, I realize that. And who knows what Father has planned and for how long.

Right now I am facing a hard trial. Except it isn’t a trial, it’s a blessing, but one that makes me both want to jump up and down for joy, and bolt all at once! Most of you would think that I would not hesitate for this chance but I am, strange is it not? Then again you do not know what this blessing is. So let me write a poem to explain such a blessing:

This is a valid question, and one many including myself have asked. You’ve heard and possibly even said, “ follow your heart” “listen to your heart” or “ what’s your heart telling you”. You may have said or heard the exact opposite, “ Don’t listen to your heart, it can be deceitful” “ you can’t make proper decisions with your heart because it isn’t logical” and other things.

Lets look at this scripturally first, then we’ll look at it in our own lives.

(Psa 10:17) יהוה, You have heard the desire of the lowly ones; You prepare their heart; You incline Your ear,

(Psa 37:4) And delight yourself in יהוה, And let Him give you the desires of your heart.

(Psa 84:5) Blessed is the man whose strength is in You; Your ways are in their hearts.

(Pro 3:5) Trust in יהוה with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding;

(Pro 16:9) A man’s heart plans his way, But יהוה establishes his steps.

Each of these verses have something to say about the heart. They tell us that our heart gives us ideas and can in fact be right about some things, but we need to give it over to Father so that He can guide us.

Now lets look at the verses say the almost opposite of the ones above.

Pro 28:26 He who trusts in his own heart is a fool, But he who walks wisely is delivered.

Mat 15:18 “But what comes out of the mouth comes from the heart, and these defile the man. Mat 15:19 “For out of the heart come forth wicked reasonings, murders, adulteries, whorings, thefts, false witnessings, slanders.

Mar_7:21 For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed evil thoughts, adulteries, fornications, murders,

Then we have it saying that its foolish to trust your heart, but if you walk wisely you are saved. The beginning of wisdom is the fear of YHWH, that’s somewhere in Proverbs.

Matthew gives us good reason not to trust the heart, for it is filled with vile things.

Still yet:

(Psa_119:11) I have treasured up Your word in my heart, That I might not sin against You.

If He and His word is in us we don’t need to fear what is in our heart, for He has said that He will write his commands upon our hearts. We will still need to be cautious and continuously check it for what is not good but, for the most part all we want to do is follow Him. And so that is what our heart will want too.

We can’t always trust our heart but, we would also be foolish to shove it to the side and not check and see what’s inside. To discern what is right in there and to cast out what is not. Because the more we check ourselves and what is in our heart, and replace the bad with the good, the less wickedness will dwell there. We will also be able to catch it faster, for we will have a better sense of right and wrong.

But, we need to be careful, because there are times when we are afraid to see what’s in there. We don’t want to see it, for two possible different reasons.

One: Afraid that it won’t be right.

Two: Afraid that it is.

Both these aren’t reasons to be scared, because if it isn’t right then you can replace it with something that is, and if it is right well that’s another time to count when your heart was right. Can you see where I’m going here?

You can’t trust your heart 100% but, you shouldn’t ignore it either. Because Father puts it in our hearts first then confirms it. We always need to inspect our hearts and make sure they are right with Him, then if they are clean we have no reason to be afraid of what’s in there.

I guess that is the conclusion. Search your own heart, is Father trying to show you some thing though it?

When I was little I thought that Heaven sat on the clouds, and where there was a break Father could look down on us.

I know that it was juvenile of me, but everyone used to tell me that Heaven was above the clouds, and pictures that showed Heaven showed it sitting on the clouds. I used to sit and look at the clouds and wonder what Heaven looked like.

When the clouds were white and fluffy I knew that all was probably well, but when they were dark and stormy I knew something was wrong and I just hoped it wasn’t something I did.

I also used to believe that you couldn’t go above the clouds because then you would see Heaven and that was only a place where “good dead” people went.

Every time I saw clouds I thought,”Fathers right up there with all His Angels”. And in every break of cloud he would look down and smile at me, except when I was being bad. But, He didn’t frown at me, or get mad, He would just get very sad and start to cry. And that affected me more than any amount of anger could. Because I hated the thought that I was letting Him down, and disappointing Him.

My picture of Heaven was put to the test when I was 9. I had only been in a plane twice before that one when I was a baby, and the second time I was older but I slept pretty much the whole way. I had no problem with flying, it was when I realized that we were going to be above the clouds. In the clouds I didn’t mind because I was closer to Him but not quite at Heaven, because you have to be dead to go to heaven you know.

But, when I realized we would be above the clouds I freaked out, not physically of course but inside. I thought for sure I would see heaven then get hit with a bolt of lightning, or just strike me dead some how. My only comforting thought was that I would be closer to heaven when I died, less space to travel.

What confused me even more no one else seemed concerned. After we finally landed I figured out that the only danger I was in was crashing. Not being struck dead for flying above the clouds.

I learnt on that trip that Heaven isn’t on the clouds but way above it and we can’t see it. I must say to it kinda tore at my heart, that my picture of heaven and Father smiling down wasn’t 100% truth. It took me awhile to get over that.

Still to today, when I see clouds when I’m either above or below I still picture Him and all His Angels, with all the “good dead” people, up there watching me down below. Smiling watching me grow up, and when I make a mistake they get sad.

Ok this is juvenile but it helps me feel closer to Him, than when I think of Heaven being up in space like people say. When I fly and the clouds are under me I always think of it…

Father doesn’t always tell us the plan. He at times gives us the big picture but not the details of that picture. The only details we can see is what we’re living in right now, not what’s ahead of us.

Its hard, its never been easy. It wasn’t easy for Noah, it wasn’t easy for Abraham, it wasn’t easy for Joseph. Father gave Joseph dreams of his family bowing to him. A bigger picture to be sure, but no details as to how it would come about, and I’m pretty sure that if he knew the details the story wouldn’t have happened like it did. So I’m learning to stop asking for the details and just for the bigger picture.