Parenting Catch-all

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This is the result of a request from the people in the Self-Indulgent Parent thread. Ask any questions about your progeny and hopefully we'll have some sage advice. Or just rub them with sage, I read that in a book somewhere.

This is the result of a request from the people in the Self-Indulgent Parent thread. Ask any questions about your progeny and hopefully we'll have some sage advice. Or just rub them with sage, I read that in a book somewhere.

"I basically do what Lou says." -- Yonder
"My love is for Lou." -- LiquidMantis
"LouZiffer is a gentleman, a rogue, and a fantastic lover." -- Vector
"You could yoink it for a Sig." -- Demosthenes

Crossposting in the parenting threads. We've mostly managed to avoid the "terible two's" behaviour issues and here's the secret: Making sure they get enough sleep. The reason behavioural issues crop up at this stage is because their brains are doing a massive info dump and they need time to download and process everything. Dave was getting pretty bad and not sleeping which aggravated everything else so Mrs P got some Melatonin (the hormone that induces sleep) an eye dropper of it in his bottle at bedtime (he still gets 100mls of milk at bedtime) for a week to help reset his body clock and instead of the broken sleep for maybe 6 hours a night he had been getting bumped up to 7pm to 7am 12 hours solid. Unsuprisingly his mood improved dramatically.

NathanialG wrote:

I can only assume that when the antichrist arrives he will be left handed, Australian, and attempting to steal our womenfolk.

Thousands of books have examined the effects of parents on their children. In All Joy and No Fun, award-winning journalist Jennifer Senior now asks: what are the effects of children on their parents?

In All Joy and No Fun, award-winning journalist Jennifer Senior tries to tackle this question, isolating and analyzing the many ways in which children reshape their parents' lives, whether it's their marriages, their jobs, their habits, their hobbies, their friendships, or their internal senses of self. She argues that changes in the last half century have radically altered the roles of today's mothers and fathers, making their mandates at once more complex and far less clear.

Recruiting from a wide variety of sources—in history, sociology, economics, psychology, philosophy, and anthropology—she dissects both the timeless strains of parenting and the ones that are brand new, and then brings her research to life in the homes of ordinary parents around the country. The result is an unforgettable series of family portraits, starting with parents of young children and progressing to parents of teens. Through lively and accessible storytelling, Senior follows these mothers and fathers as they wrestle with some of parenthood's deepest vexations—and luxuriate in some of its finest rewards.

Meticulously researched yet imbued with emotional intelligence, All Joy and No Fun makes us reconsider some of our culture's most basic beliefs about parenthood, all while illuminating the profound ways children deepen and add purpose to our lives. By focusing on parenthood, rather than parenting, the book is original and essential reading for mothers and fathers of today—and tomorrow.

The path is a wild mountain road. As far as the occupation of our mind is concerned, the chaos of the path is the fun. —

We've always had a challenge with our younger (two girls, age 9 and 11) daughter and my wife and I have been often brought to our wits end trying to help her with her angry outbursts and oppositional attitude. She's been quick to get angry since she was a toddler, so we've been at it for a while. She hasn't "grown out of it", as we thought she might.

Some days we're winning. Other days not so much.

At the present time we are seriously giving thought to some outside help in the form of counselling or therapy.

In the meantime, some of the books that have been helping us recently, as she turns the corner from kid to tween...

Prozac, I find what you're saying super interesting. Sleep has definitely been something we're struggling with. Ever since our eldest was a baby. At first, we couldn't get him to sleep through the night. When he turned 14 months, my husband put his foot down, and let him cry it out in his crib. In a couple of nights, we had him sleeping from 7pm to 6am. I still hate we had to that.
When he was 22 months old, he figured out how to climb out of his crib and it got more complicated. He started fighting bedtime. Now we're lucky if we wrangle him in his bed by 9pm. And his father usually has to lie down beside him or he won't sleep and will keep getting up again. He usually sleeps two to three hours during nap time.

He doesn't name colors, he doesn't say his name or "I" or use pronouns or anything, basically. I've spoken to several colleagues about him and we're told to be patient. He'll be three in November and is supposed to start preschool in August. He isn't potty trained.
It can be so frustrating sometimes, that's all. I'll look into the melatonin, maybe we can shift his sleep schedule back a few hours.
As Farley was saying, parenting also affects your marriage and we really need our evenings back. It's been a complicated past couple of months.

Here's a question from someone staring down the barrel of impending parenthood: What was the one baby item you either bought or received as a gift ahead of time that you found most useful once baby arrived?

I ask because I'm at my wits' end with making my registry, furnishing the nursery, prepping the house -- all of it really. As someone with very little experience dealing with infants and babies, I have no idea if Amazon's suggestions are what I actually need, or if they're just an attempt to make me buy/register for more stuff. Plus, DS and I are both fairly frugal, and I especially hate the idea of buying some plastic piece of crap that'll just end up in a landfill in two years. The end result is me staring at Amazon product reviews for hours on end until I erupt into swearing fits, close down the browser without adding anything to my cart, and run off to shove a brick of chocolate down my gullet.

Like, I get the obvious things: diapers, onesies, those little mittens that prevent Baby Precious from clawing out their eyes. But what else? What tool in your arsenal did you find so crucial in those first six months that you believe no new parent should go without?

Our three all progressed the same way with night time/sleeping. They were in our room beside our bed until they could roll over (made nursing really easy), then in a crib in their own room after that. By that point they could generally sleep through the night. For those nights when they cried we'd use the Ferber Method and come in in intervals both to reassure ourselves that the kid was okay, and to reassure them that we were there. We didn't need that very often, but I think it led to less problems later on.

Once they could get out of their crib they got a big kid bed (starting as mattress on the floor) and a childproof doorknob on the inside of their door. They'd sometimes end up asleep on the floor after waking at night (and occasionally playing), but we let them be if they weren't upset. Since we kept a baby monitor in their room we could hear what was going on. We'd still come in to reassure them on the rare occasions where things were scary or they weren't feeling well.

Issues with bedtime for us? Zero. Ever. I think having a set routine has been a comfort to the kids. They understand that night time is for sleeping as far as children are concerned.

"I basically do what Lou says." -- Yonder
"My love is for Lou." -- LiquidMantis
"LouZiffer is a gentleman, a rogue, and a fantastic lover." -- Vector
"You could yoink it for a Sig." -- Demosthenes

Here's a question from someone staring down the barrel of impending parenthood: What was the one baby item you either bought or received as a gift ahead of time that you found most useful once baby arrived?

Tying in to my previous post: A cosleeper bassinet that can be at the same level as the bed. You can reach over at night, feed, then put them back. There's usually a partition between the bassinet and the bed, so baby can't scoot out of it. Ours strapped tightly to the bed, too. The bassinet wouldn't budge.

A plush bear that made womb sounds (like a heartbeat) also had a calming effect that we found amazing. Ours had an auto-off timer.

Anything that helps you get more sleep/rest in that first six months? GOLD.

EDIT: Oh... and really do your research on baby monitors. There's some crap out there, and 2.4/5GHz aren't so hot in houses full of wifi signals.

"I basically do what Lou says." -- Yonder
"My love is for Lou." -- LiquidMantis
"LouZiffer is a gentleman, a rogue, and a fantastic lover." -- Vector
"You could yoink it for a Sig." -- Demosthenes

Here's a question from someone staring down the barrel of impending parenthood: What was the one baby item you either bought or received as a gift ahead of time that you found most useful once baby arrived?

A travel bassinet. One that both fits in bed with you when the baby is newborn (makes it easier for feeding, etc) and can also travel easily so that when you visit family, there is a nice, convenient place to lay the baby down to sleep.http://www.amazon.com/Tobey-Portable...

This might sound like an unreasonable recommendation, but try tiring him out. Don't help him with physical tasks he can do. Play with lots of physicality. Make him run or something. This will usually entail a lot of running yourself. Take very long walks with him in challenging terrain and let him do what he can before helping - and even then provide minimal aid.

Lots of physical exercise has been the singlemost reliable way to get our daughters to sleep, and it's made them strong and wiry.

It's very tough, though. These days they're running circles around me!

Here's a question from someone staring down the barrel of impending parenthood: What was the one baby item you either bought or received as a gift ahead of time that you found most useful once baby arrived?

Congratulations Katerin and DS!

Rolanberry and I are into month 3 now, and the first thing to pop into my head is: absorbent burp cloths. Because a newborn's upper GI tract is still under construction. Imagine pouring out a quarter cup of water onto whatever burp cloth you already have in your registry. It's quite alarming, but cleanup is not so bad if you have good burp cloths.

But both of those are pretty big, and having smaller ones can be easier to juggle. I'm sorry, I couldn't find the smaller ones just now.

KaterinLHC wrote:

The end result is me staring at Amazon product reviews for hours on end until I erupt into swearing fits, close down the browser without adding anything to my cart, and run off to shove a brick of chocolate down my gullet.

I'll second the boppy pillow, breastfeeding or not. I didn't get one for my first but did for my second and it is super comfortable, I really regret not getting one before.
In the end... Babies are simple beings and they really don't need much, never mind what retailers would have you believe.
If you do intend on getting a pump, the Medela brand is superior (I've tested a couple others). When it comes to bottles, I hear fellow moms in the US swear by Tommy Tippee (I think).
Beyond that... Yeah, onsies, diapers,...
I'd recommend some kind of carrier. I have a Moby Wrap, a ring sling and an ergo-like and all three have seen a lot of use but at different stages. The Moby was perfect when I was starting out in baby wearing and really saved my life with my first. He was colicky.
A lot of people swear by white noise makers, but I've never gotten one myself.

I'll see of I can think if anything else, but in the meantime, it's nice to see you back on the forums, KaterinLHC. Congrats on the little one.

Thanks for the advice, LarryC, but I don't know how much that'll work. Our eldest is already super duper active, he'd always climbing furniture and countertops, running around all over the places. He hardly ever stays put in one place. Except when he's playing with his Lego. Otherwise, chasing us and being chased is one of his favorite pastimes. He gets plenty of exercises, that's for sure. Today is observed though, so I'm going to suggest to hubby we all go down by the sea with the boys and we can take turns running around all over.

Here's a question from someone staring down the barrel of impending parenthood: What was the one baby item you either bought or received as a gift ahead of time that you found most useful once baby arrived?

Tagging onto Yoyosons burp clothes, bibs bibs bibs.

My big 3(standard stuff, I know)

Changing table(Ikea for us), boppy pillow(extra cover), and fisher price swing. Kiddo was in the swing with me until final feeding around 1 AM, then placed in crib where mom took over baby duty after 3 AM. Ended up wearing out the swing, and I would just push it manually while I layed on the couch and we both caught a snooze.

Whohoho, Eleima! Sounds like you got quite a handful! Er, congratulations? You'll be happy when they're grown and you need to move furniture. If he's climbing furniture, then he's definitely looking for more physicality than he's been getting. Maybe get a small Jungle Jim? Bigger, heavier toys? Push bike? You'll know his likes best.

On the bright side, it means you probably won't have to force him to exercise for health, and running after him will probably exercise you, too! Free trainer FTW.

My wife liked the Moby, but I found it unwieldy. We both loved the Ergo baby carrier, wayyyyy better than a Bjorn. Super comfy on front or back, used it almost every day the first year, and even some up til age 2. Awesome device.

Congrats, Lara!!

This just in from Eli 7.4's playground: Apparently, girls go to college to get more knowledge, but boys go to Jupiter to get more stupider. -Bill Harris

Best thing in the world to have for a baby - a happy, well rested, mommy

Second best "device" for your baby - a strong arm, put the baby's tummy against the inside of your forearm and hand in their groin and put them on your side, all babies seem to love being carried like this and its very easy on you, resist the temptation to swing them around when their old enough to grab onto your arm

Ok the real world paid for item you can't do without - a good stroller with strong thick wheels and a carseat that clips into the stroller

I'll have to go find the book name, I've since returned the book. There is an excellent book about how to listen to your child without negating what they're saying (which I sorta paraphrased on the Gender thread).

For now, let me just give a little of the basics from it:

(Situation: Child is Angry)

Normal Parent Reaction (trying to make kid feel better): This thing you're upset about isn't such a big deal. It's not worth being angry about.
What Your Kid Heard: I am not listening. I do not believe you. I do not care about this thing that makes you angry.

Listening Reaction that Actually Really Freaking Works: You sound really angry. Do you know why you're so angry? (Followed by listening without "correcting" their reaction).
What Your Kid Heard: I validate and accept your feelings. I am ready to listen. We can get through this together.
------------------------------
Alright, now I gotta go find the name of the book. It's got great examples and exercises at the end of each chapter.

At my children's school they're turned it into a whole program (that's really effective as well at stopping bullying).

Oh, I forgot one essential thing, Lara, if you do decide to breastfeed: lanolin cream. Seriously, I wouldn't have gotten through the first couple of weeks of my first without it.

Larry, he is indeed quite a handful, very outgoing. The thing is that he doesn't know his own limits and will keep pushing, sometimes risking life and limb. And he doesn't seem to learn. Example: we're at the beach, or at a pool. We explain that the water wings are a must, because we can't swim very well yet and we don't want him to drown. He makes an attempt without them, and we have to fish him out. We won't let him drown, of course, but he does come out sputtering so we figure he'll get the point. No dice.

Thanks for reposting that here, Roo, I think it's super important. Trying to have my hubby do the same. This morning, our eldest hit himself on the table climbing out of his chair, and hubby was soothing him saying "it's okay, it's nothing", and I tried to suggest he try "I know it hurts, but just hold on, it'll only sting a couple of minutes".

Congratulations Lara! Our little chucklehead is 20 months old now so some of the earlier stuff that we used is kind of fuzzy but here's my recommendations (that I can remember) for essentials (some will be repeats of other's suggestions):

If you're going the disposable diaper route, initially get the smallest packages available of as many different brands as you can to see which one fits. Then set up an Amazon subscription for the brand you choose.

Diaper Genie or something like it, with bag refills.

Someone mentioned absorbent burp cloths. We found the best thing for us was to use plain cloth diapers as burp cloths. They work great and are really cheap.

The Nose Frida - Yes, it's the grossest thing ever. But bulb aspirators do f-all. This thing is amazing. We have two. Be warned, some kids like it but ours HATES it. I'd rather have a screaming kid for a minute and then have her be able to breathe than dripping snot all over the place.

Baby monitor, but only if your house is fairly large. We got one that monitors temperature and humidity, but not video

Microwave bottle sanitizer. In the beginning you need to sanitize bottles after washing them. Get this if your dishwasher doesn't do sanitizing

Some place to plop the kid when you need a break. We went with this and our daughter LOVED it. It vibrates and the music it plays, unlike most kids toys, was kind of catchy and not infuriating.

A good pediatrician. I don't know when you're due, but if you haven't found one start looking around. I know there's a list of questions in WTEWYE that you should ask a potential pediatrician that helped us out. Also, talk to other parents in your area to see who they use.

Having said that WTEWYE is a good reference, but be warned. It is the most judgey parenting book out there if you read it cover to cover. We used it like an encyclopedia to look up things we weren't sure about but my wife stopped reading it when it became apparent how judgey it was.

The most essential thing though, actually the only really essential thing, is you and your husband. You mentioned that you have very little experience with infants and babies. Join the club! But the human race wouldn't exist if we don't have the knowledge and instincts needed already in our noggins. As long as the kid is warm, fed, breathing, not bleeding and not in a pool of its own filth then you're doing OK.

Good luck! Please don't hesitate to ask the goodjerbrain if you have any other questions.