Why Kimball Is Way Better Than You

One day, Godzilla got tired of destroying Tokyo and decided instead to take on Southern California. Biiig mistake there, buddy! The difference that between Tokyo and So Cal that makes Tokyo a relatively easy target is the fact that Tokyo doesn’t have any Kimbos running around. Godzilla was never seen again, although for several days after Godzilla’s disappearance, a strange and unidentafiable, yet somehow lizardly-delicious scent came from the barbeque grill in Kimbo’s backyard. The world rejoiced, Kimbo ate, and the Death Star was destroyed. Peace ensued forevermore.

THE END??

Hey there people of the world. You’re probably thinking to yourself: “How could one person be so cool and stuff?” I dunno. Just genetics, I guess. My name is Kimball. “Kimbo” is just short for it. I would tell you my last name as well, but if I did, I’d have like, a million female stalkers. You know how it goes. Well, maybe you don’t, but that’s just what separates us.