Thursday, February 28, 2013

TQ never took off like everyone thought he would. In fact, I'm not sure if I can even remember hearing any other tracks of his. Guess "Gangsta R&B" just doesn't have as much sustainability as a genre as you'd expect it to.

...and clumsiness is about as "human" as it gets. It's just a shame that it wasn't Jennifer Hudson instead of Jennifer Lawrence. I'd love to see Hudson fall. Down steps, not up them, though. A lot of steps.

What's the other thing everyone wants to see? Oh, I think Heidi knows:

Saturday, February 23, 2013

All of this "Harlem Shake" nonsense that's populating the web right now is atrocious. There's one and only one Harlem Shake. And if you want to talk to an authority on the subject, then you know where you have to go.

Thursday, February 21, 2013

They may have been a one-hit wonder, but this track bumped for a few weeks in '02. There was a point where some of my boys were talking to Universal, and in doing so compared themselves to Smilez and Southstar. Hindsight being 20/20...kind of a bad look.

Monday, February 18, 2013

The next time someone tries to brag about being from Kansas (not that I can really picture anyone doing that, ever), kindly point them to this story.

I find it deeply ironic that these people probably don't believe in Darwinism. This should be an exam you have to pass before you're allowed to claim lottery winnings. "Will you celebrate winning this money buy smoking meth and weed?"

Sporty Thievz were relevant in the music world for all of five seconds, but they're historical to the field of sociology.

In 1999, women were on a false power trip. TLC had released "No Scrubs," which shot up the charts fueled only by its schlocky premise. This , on it's own, would likely have been harmless. But then Destiny's Child released "Bills, Bills, Bills", and the call-to-golddigging-arms was sounded. Suddenly women everywhere, drunk on a toxic mix of the misplaced empowerment from false-feminism and the economic excess of the late '90s, began forgetting that equality meant earning their own way.

That's when Sporty Thievz stepped in with their anthem, and set the record straight:

Some undeserving clown was kissing Bar Rafaeli, and it wasn’t me. I should be that undeserving clown!

A lot of people have had a lot to say about the Go Daddy ad that aired during the Super Bowl, which featured an international supermodel (Miss Rafaeli) doing tongue-jujitsu with a nerdy, overweight guy (Jesse Heiman). Very little of what was said was positive. Scratch that; none of it was positive.

And while—at first—those disapproving voices seemed only to be agreeing with me, I began to see things differently once my own selfish ire wore off. If my initial disdain for a meaningless television commercial was born from my desire to be the one lip-lockin’ with Bar, what was fueling the wave of criticisms from everyone else? Over the years, Go Daddy’s sexually-charged stunts have slowly desensitized us to each new ad they’ve released. Why should this one suddenly awaken new disgust? Were Entertainment Weekly writers, newspaper columnists, and talk show hosts only chiming in because they were jealous, too? Perhaps, in some cases. But more and more, it now feels like something far worse: bigotry.

Let’s imagine, for just a second, that the man swirling tongues with Bar in that ad had been Channing Tatum. Just what would the public response have been? I, and other gents such as myself, would likely still be outraged for a good minute or two, simply because it wasn’t us. Tatum’s wife, Jenna Dewan, might also be a little peeved (also due to jealousy). But would the mass public’s sentiment have been as harsh? Would "backlash" have been an accurate term to describe the entertainment media’s reaction to watching two hot, consenting adults get mouth-friendly to promote a web domain service that no one knows is a web domain service? Highly unlikely. That’s not to say no media mouthpiece would speak against the ad. But you’re fooling yourself if you think he or she would spend more than 140 Twitter characters on the subject.

Quite simply, the objection towards this Go Daddy ad exists solely because the male lead is unattractive. He was chubby. He was nerdy. He was ginger! *shivers* How dare they force such lechery upon our chaste eyes!

Now, for the sake of argument, let’s look at this story from another angle: How would all of this have been treated if the model had been male, and the nerd had been female? If…some guy [admittedly, the only male model’s name that I know of is Derek Zoolander], some Adonis whose jaw line was chiseled from a marble slab and whose abs could stop a bullet, was passionately kissing an overweight and unappealing woman in glasses, would we hear those same judgmental voices crying out in the name of decency? Hell, not only would those people be silent, at this very moment they’re probably a click away from attacking me for suggesting a hypothetical woman is “overweight and unappealing”.

Why is it okay for everyone to be repulsed when a male romantic lead bears the deficit in physical beauty? The audacity that it takes to perpetuate this fraud of social mores is staggering. And yet it seems to have slipped past almost all of us without so much as a second thought on our parts. When a woman doesn’t fit the Hollywood norm, she’s an inspiration; when a man doesn’t, he’s a punchline.

Now, to be fair, for years Hollywood has enforced much stricter physical requirements on women than on men. While everyone from Jackie Gleason to Steve Buscemi have played leading men who’ve gotten the girl, it’s only been more recently that the door has cracked open for “regular gals”. [Sidenote: This is a term that’s ridiculously misused; Melissa McCarthy and Adele are both extremely talented women, but they’re not “regular” when it comes to body types. Let’s just be honest, here. I am far from the Channing Tatum end of the spectrum. But I’m also not delusional enough to think that being out-of-shape makes me as big as Billy Gardell. And I wouldn’t refer to Gardell as a “regular guy” just because we both need to cut back on carbs.] Lena Dunham is proving, one uncomfortable-for-everyone-but-her nude scene at a time, that women don’t have to be off-duty swimsuit models to be stars. We’re in the dawn of a girl-power era, and the result is “unlikely” leading ladies such as Wilson and McCarthy. But, if it’s wrong for society to be offended when one of these ladies kisses her hot male costar, why isn’t this true when genders are reversed and it’s Go Daddy’s nerd lothario? For all of the pro-curves, equality-for-big-gals cheerleading that occurs today in pop culture and social media, where’s all of the support when the person in question is male?

The move towards less-unrealistic standards for leading ladies is certainly refreshing. But centuries of misogyny won’t be erased by a sudden overcompensation in the opposite—yet equally unfair—direction.

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

...Is she? I mean, sure, behind the veil of celebrity, this is probably a fairly accurate look into her homelife (aside from her wearing makeup at all times, of course). But she's still "Stacey Dash". The house this is filmed in alone is proof she's not "normal".

That being said, I'd still...yeah.

Gotta throw up a quick warning: There are a couple of scenes in this that are neither safe-for-work, nor "family friendly". But when your bosses and kids ain't around...trust, you'll want to watch.

Monday, February 11, 2013

The executivesupstanding citizens dumbasses who run the Grammys sent a memo on Wednesday warning they didn't want female stars to bare too much skin. Are they insane? Why would anyone with two logical thoughts in their brain watch the Grammys if not for a chance to see beautiful women half-nekked? It's pretty much the only reason anyone does anything ever. These shit-for-brains suits should be forever grateful to Katy Perry for ignoring their memo.

Thursday, February 7, 2013

I've always thought this was a cool little track. A pessimist might point out the incongruity of most of Nas' verse as compared to the song's theme. ...Or that the video's opening sequence is extraneous. ...Or that she appears to be a highly successful fashion designer, yet is living in a run down apartment building.

But then again, a pessimist probably wouldn't be interested in a song called "Love Is All We Need".

Call it jealousy, but I can't stand spoiled-ass kids. If you aren't older than than the size of the wheels on the car, you shouldn't be driving it. Case in point: The jackass destroying a BMW M3 below, as brought to you by autoevolution.

Monday, February 4, 2013

I love motor racing. I love motorcycles. I would love to take a few laps of some of the world's most challenging racetracks; I also would love to own a motorcycle. But there's no way in hell you could get me to race a motorcycle. And if you ask me to race one on the Isle of Man...it's going to be a misunderstanding.

So instead of such unpleasantness, let's just daydream of sharing a bathroom every morning with the incumbent Playmate of the Year, Miss Jaclyn Swedberg: