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Feb 27, 2013

The Adventures of the Tooth Fairy

The thing about having four kids in less than four years is that we seem to go through stages. There was the pregnancy and newborn stage which was marked by lots of cuddling, oohing and ahhing, more than our share of bodily fluids, and not enough sleep. Then there was the toddler stage where everyone said "NO!" a lot (parents included), and we lived with pacies, sippy cups, noisy but colorful toys, and lots and lots of singing of nursery rhymes. The preschool stage was marked by crafts, "A B C" s, theme weeks, picture books, and plenty of trips to the park to run off some energy (theirs, not mine). Now, we are in the elementary stage which is truly a lot of fun. The cuteness factor is definitely dropping, but I love the ability to just go somewhere without packing up a week's worth of stuff to take with us. I like that everyone can get their own shoes on, take themselves out to the vehicle, and buckle themselves. I am loving the fact that Kaytie can and often does make lunch and sometimes even supper. And I'm finding, more and more that they can actually entertain themselves for long stretches without strong emotions flying out and damaging innocent bystanders.
The elementary stage is also the stage of the losing of teeth. So far, everyone has lost at least one tooth except for Abbie. Which means they have the whole Tooth Fairy thing down. Pull a tooth, stick it under the pillow, collect the money in the morning. We recently went through a period where a lot of people lost a lot of teeth in a short amount of time, so my children, who would like nothing better than to be known as the famous solvers of mystery a la Encyclopedia Brown or Nate the Great or even Hank the Cowdog, decided to, once and for all, solve the mystery of the elusive but financially generous Tooth Fairy.
So, Nate lost a tooth. At first, he thought he had swallowed it in the night, but then he found it in his bed. The kids spent their spare time that day plotting and planning traps for the innocent, unsuspecting Tooth Fairy. Since I was suspected of aiding and abetting Miss Fairy in evading previous traps, I was seriously excluded from the war plans
When the Tooth Fairy came for her tooth that night, she found a string tied from the doorknob of the closet to the doorknob of the boys' room. After artfully evading this, she found the tooth in an envelope that had been taped to Nate's pillow and also to a string that was then taped to his bed.
Miss Fairy made her exchange, but she could NOT resist leaving this taunt: "Ha! Ha! Ha! Can't catch me!" Which she wrote on the envelope.
How glad she was that she always carries a pen!
The next day, the kids asked me for all sorts of weird things (like cabbage juice) and when I wanted to know what for, they explained that they wanted to do an ink analysis on the Tooth Fairy's note and compare it to all the pens in the house. Then they would know for sure if the Tooth Fairy is real or just... ahem... an impostor.
I pointed out that it is highly likely the Tooth Fairy does not carry a pen with her as she is already weighted down with all the money and teeth, (fairy dust only goes so far, after all) and so might have borrowed a pen from us. What then? How would they prove anything?
Kaytie answered promptly, "Then we start testing for DNA."
It does not prove anything, nor does it incriminate me when I say, "I am now officially concerned."

A few nights later, Daniel lost his first tooth. Since the kids have such tiny teeth, we always put them in envelopes so that the Tooth Fairy can find them under their pillows. Because if she couldn't, and just left money, because she is so kind and thoughtful like that, and then the child found their tooth, well, that could cause Questions and we all know where Questions lead... yep, DNA testing.
Anyway, we put Daniel's tooth in the envelope and tucked them all (him, envelope, tooth) into bed. A few minutes later, Daniel got out of bed again to ask me to write a note on the envelope to the Tooth Fairy. He wanted it to say, "Have a Happy Thanksgiving!" Because he is sweet like that. She may or may not have left him a little extra cash to repay him for his adorableness.
And then, a few days later, he ruined it all when he said, "All I know about the Tooth Fairy is this: she is OLD!"
Attempting to salvage his reputation with the sensitive fairy, I asked, "How do you know she is old?"
"She is 1,000 years old!!!!" He insisted.
"But how do you KNOW?"
"Because Granny told me that she got money from the Tooth Fairy when she was little!"

Finally, when Nate lost yet another tooth a few days later, I lamented, "The Tooth Fairy is going to go broke!"
Nate replied, slyly, "And if YOU are the Tooth Fairy, you are going to go broke."
I asked, "Why do you think I am the Tooth Fairy?"
"Because you always evade our traps!"
"So do you think that I am the only person in the world that is smarter than you?"
Abbie answered quickly, "Yes!"
But Daniel had a better idea, "I know! Santa Claus is the Tooth Fairy!"
But Nate disagreed. "No, he can't be. Santa is nocturnal, he's diurnal."
Whatever she/he is, she is keeping the Penguins supplied in quarters!

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