Tuesday, October 25, 2011

A case of hit and rennet

The Global Retail Theft Barometer 2011 has found that cheese is the most stolen food item in the world, based on a survey of 1,187 retailers in 43 countries. - Caz

Who filched the fettaCreamed the cream cheese from the shelf,Who's on the lam with Edam,Added parma to their pelf?

Who wangled all the Singles,Put their finger in the Swiss,Took a motza MozzarellaEre we knew what was amiss?

Who touched the Dutch,Took the camemberts and bries,Lock, stock and bocconciniWithout so much as please?

There's a lack amongst the lactoseNow the Gorgonzola's gone,Some rotter took RicottaAnd the Philly's all forlorn -

Who took the cheese?What could have caused this crime?Can we put it down to culture,Or was it just - enzyme?

UPDATE! - How good are the photos on the Global Retail Theft Barometer page, by the way? Well-groomed ladies, the same sort you'd normally see advertising the virtues of some product in a shopping catalogue, looking furtive and slipping stolen items into their bags.

8 comments:

Not just in their bags - down the front of their well-tailored suits! My favourite shoplifting vision was in La Samaritaine in Paris. A well-dressed woman with flowing coat tearing open bags of chanterelles, girolles, ceps and stuffing them in her pockets. The coat must have smelt divine for weeks thereafter! Well, to a fungophile at least.