69 Reasons You Are Single

Can we all agree that "why are you still single?" is the single most offensive thing you can ask someone single. I guess people are just trying to be nice, it is a compliment after all.

The reason why I say it’s offensive is because it is a question. And a question implies that there is an answer. That’s the puzzling bit.

My answer to the question ‘why are you still single?’ varies according to the mood I’m in. I am likely to give a different answer each time someone asks. Below is a list of 69 reasons why someone *might* be single, each of which at one point in my life has been true (yes, including number 41… It is what it is, I guess).

69 totally legit reasons you are single:

1. Because you’re holding out for someone with the swagger of an international arms dealer and the genius of an astrophysicist and the looks of Brad Pitt.

2. Because you let your past affect your future.

3. Because just when you thought you had it all figured out, 50 Shades of Grey was published.

4. Because you’re attracted to those you cannot have, and chased by those you do not want.

5. Because you don’t know what you want.

6. Because chances are you are asleep.

7. Because you’re secretly head over heels in love with someone who’s already taken.

8. Because Bonnie Tyler’s ‘Holding Out For a Hero’ is a way of live and you *actually* toss and turn and believe that he’s gotta be larger than life.

9. Because you compare all men to someone else.

10. Because you compare yourself too much to others.

11. Because you have not found a man that would love you as much as your dog does.

12. Because you were really, really in love once, so you know the feeling and won’t settle for less.

13. Because you hate the thought of giving up your freedom.

14. Because you don’t like the idea of not having both sides of the bed.

15. Because you’d rather spend a Friday night watching The Hills than be in a bar meeting potentials.

16. Because you don’t want to disturb the order and neatness that you've worked so hard to maintain.

17. Because you’re waaaay too busy.

18. Because you value your independence.

19. Because you need to figure yourself out.

20. Because back in 1994 when you were like 10 and highly perceptible, Bon Jovi taught you that *someone* will be there forever and a day, till the stars don’t shine, till the heaven burst and the words don’t rhyme...

21. Because relationships are too stressful and you're stressed enough as it is.

22. Because you like to do whatever you want whenever you want.

23. Because deciding what wine to get is difficult enough, let alone a significant other.

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