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Totall fitting title Cin. I am totally dazed, trying to figure out how to or if I can give my kiddo the Christmas she is accustomed to. I know some kids will have nothing but mine doesn't know what "nothing" is like. I would hate to see disappointment on her face Christmas morning. Thanks for the fuse comment in the last thread. If I was short fused I would probably try to kill him. He really knows how to work a nerve but I do think I need to figure out a way to make his leash a little shorter. He could cross state lines with this one. LOL

Oh hell yeah, I have been in a green daze for the past few days... I was in a daze about Rico but I have snapped out of it. I wouldn't say I have given him another chance just that I have changed my perception about things. And since he has hurt my feelings, I guess you can say I have hardened my heart towards him but at the same time he is serving my purpose... I am glad you started another thread because I really didn't have any clue on what to call the next one.....I am off to roll another doobie and go run my bath water. I need to have a Calgon moment...

Great title, ML. I did not take what you said about my brother as rude. I feel the exact same way but must keep myself and Robert safe so we will go to my cousins if he comes back here. Lots to do today. Library, bank and I treated myself to a CD, I just have to go pick it up. Robert finally went back to school after a week out. Love him but I love to send him to school as well. He loves it also. Everyday, he begs to go(even on Sat and Sun). Shoutout to our teachers, all teachers. Anyway, queen check the Dragon thread, I left you a message. Love ya'll, talk to you later. Cristy

Cin, luv the title of this thread! It is very fitting. Yes, I've been on Truvada before and I'm resistant to it now. I was on that and Lexiva for a couple years, and got resistant to both of them. I'll be calling my doc's office shortly to see when I can get in. It sounds like your new job is at least tolerable. I'm glad your first job back into the working world is going well.

Cristy, yes, you must keep yourself and Robert safe. What grade is he in? It seems like when kids are in the early grades they just luv school; and then when they get older they loathe it. I remember when I was in high school, I did everything I could to get out of going to school every day. Oh, how I hated it. That's probably why I quit when I was 16 (which is the legal age to quit). I did finish up in adult ed. and graduated in the same year I would have if I would've stayed in high school. Anyway, I'm glad Robert likes school.

Queen, it sounds like you're handling this thing with Rico good. Wasn't he trying to get back with his ex? I think I read that in your blog. What ever happened with that? I wouldn't trust him as far as I could throw him, but that's just me. When I have a trust issue with someone, it's very hard for me to maintain a relationship with them. Take care of yourself, girl.

Drag, I do hope the doctor figures out what's wrong with your wrists. If it's carpal tunnel, do you think you'll have the surgery for that? When do you have the scan for your feet again? Good luck with all that.

I wonder how NY is doing with the baby. I hope she checks in soon so we know what happened. I hope she has pics also. I love babies! You know, I hear Cin talk about her HIV support group. They have one in my town also. It meets on Thursday night. I wasn't able to go to it because of having class on that night. But I think during my winter break I will go to it. I have three weeks off of school, so that will give me something constructive to do with myself. I guess there's a good turn-out, also, which is great.

I'll be calling my doc's office shortly. Wish me luck with getting new meds and hopefully the doc can clear up the rash on my feet and give me Zostrix or something to get rid of this darn cold sore. Other than that, it's been freezing rain here the last couple nights, which I hate. It takes me 1/2 hour to clean off my car when I go out, because there's like 1/4 inch of ice all over it and the side roads are like skating rinks. It's supposed to be freezing rain tonight also. I would rather have snow. But, I don't control the weather. I hope all you ladies have a good day-

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I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Oh Betty, You are very observant.....He has been trying to get back with his ex even though he is trying to tell me that was before he met me. I have caught him in a few lies and that is why my heart is hardened towards him now. He is serving my purpose by my keeping it strictly sexual and safe. Is it selfish on my part, maybe it is but he caused it to be this way with his lying and games. So, let the games begin!!!!!! That may sound cold to some but he brought it on himself and I don't feel bad in the least. I am a Capricorn, look up my traits. We are known to have vindictive streaks when someone has mistreated us.

I have been wondering about NY too. I hope everything is ok with her. Maybe she will be coming home today. I am keeping my fingers crossed. Christy, I will check out the Dragons thread and your message. I got my World of Warcraft game today in the mail, my present to myself. No more trial playing even though the trial hasn't expired yet. I will probably be getting into that a little later and play for a few hours til WWE Raw comes on at 8. I do take breaks from time to time so more than likely, I will be checking back here later on sometime. Have a good day, ladies...

So this is where everyone is at I feel like an idiot. I'm on here all the time but it never seemed like anyone else was online and I always thought the dating thread was just for dating stuff. Okay, so now I'm playing catch-up and its going to take me a little while but at least now I know where all the happenings are, LOL

Oh no, it started out as a dating thread but we pretty much chat about anything and often vent. Feel free to chime in whenever. If you are playing catch up, you will definitely be kept busy for awhile...

My first day of work was so easy. Sure, I had to have the administrator sign me in all day long cause their computer system is messed up, but that gave me time to figure out why the volume wasn't working in Windows Media Player! Finally, before lunch, I got my tunes going so I could rock out and peck at the same time. I started with Sade and almost put myself to sleep, finally ended up with some Nickelback! Iceman and I sent some text messages back and forth to keep each other company.

My sugars have been crashing, it seems to happen when I eat more and take more insulin. All of the doses overlap each other and I end up crashing. So, I bought lots of chocolate today just for that very purpose, lol!

Iceman is coming over tomorrow night so I need to wrap all of his gifts and get them under the tree before then. I am beat from the low sugars, so I apologize for just writing about myself tonight. You know I love all of you and hope that each of us is comfortable, warm and safe tonight. One day when I win the lotto I am going to get all of the US peeps on a cruise ship, then we'll go pick up our other girls across the waters and party, ok? Ah, wishful thinking, I just wish we all lived closer together. I think Cam is closest to me, and then its either Queen or Cristy, followed by BT. One day I'll meet one of you, God willing!

OK, off to make dinner before I end up like Cheech. He's laying here snoring with his clogged doggie nose, lmao! He was very good today and stayed out of the mud and muck (translate "his own shit") in the backyard while I was at work. "Good doggie, Cheech!"

Well, I baked my a** off today. I made two different kinds of cookies (mincemeat and molasses) and fudge (OMG, is it ever sweet) and I have some cookie dough in the frig, because it has to chill overnight. So tomorrow I will be baking again. I actually rolled the molasses out and used a gingerbread man cookie cutter. I got so frustrated because the heads kept falling off (LOL). But, most of them came out alright. Then I made some frosting and frosted them and put green and red sugar on them. I might make some more of those tomorrow as well. My mom used to make those every Christmas (except her last one ) and it was an all-day event. Wow, I really miss her. Anyway, I have some more fudge to make also, but right now I don't have room in my frig! My daughter wants me to send her some cookies and fudge to her home in Washington, which I'm going to do Wednesday.

Queen, I don't care if you're using Rico. Fuck it, use him. He's using you. So I guess it's a mutual use. You know how to play it.

Blessed, good to have you on board. I didn't post here when all these threads first started, mainly because I wasn't dating anyone. But, like Queen said, you can post about whatever you want. We help each other out a lot. I just luv the women on here. We're all very strong and we help each other stay that way.

Cin, I'm glad you got your tunes going at work! I don't listen to Sade. Right now I'm downloading my fav tunes from Napster. I even got a couple songs by The Knack. When I get them all downloaded, I'm going to burn them on a couple CD's. Then I'll probably cancel my subscription to Napster. Did you get Iceman's X-Mas presents wrapped? I would ask you what you got him, but with him reading these now, I don't want to spoil anything. I know it's nice, whatever you got him, since you have good taste. Loved the pic of you and your brother, btw. Is that the one who's in the way? You must really miss him.

Well, I'm going to get ready for bed. Tomorrow I see my doc at 1:45, so hopefully he can get this rash on my feet figured out, get me some medicine for my continual cold sore, and get me on some good meds for the HIV. I hope all you ladies have a good night. *still waiting for the news of the new arrival*

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I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Queen, I totally ditto Betty....fuck him but I am not loving the male species today.

Cindy, glad work went well for you and that Cheech was a good doggie while unattended. Take care of those sugars and yourself.

There are developments in the works with hubby. We had a major fall out today. He tried to lay blame back dealing with the issues. I told him "fuck him" for blaming me and told him that he didn't have to fix the money issues that he could leave and I would fix them on my own. He will be trying to fix us now but I am so fed up and tired. I hope I can maintain my wits and let this be broken and get rid of it. It never really gets fixed anyway. It's like a bandaid over a pucture wound.

I think its fitting that BTs gingerbread cookie heads fell off, her being a "headbanger" and all, lol! Rock on in that kitchen, my metal friend. Wait, that should be caps, Metal Friend. There.

I'm sorry that you're missing your mother so much, it was August 10th or so when she passed, right? I am so sorry. This doesn't compare AT ALL, but I have been getting upset every night cause my Casie Beagle isn't here. I look at my beautiful Christmas tree all lit up and glowing, the lights in the LR turned off, and I am so grateful for what I have. And then I miss my little Girlie like you wouldn't believe. This is my first Christmas in this house without her, dating back to Christmas 1993. Those of you who have lost a pet understand, I know. Goodness the hurt is always right under the surface all of the time. Good thing I'm in a cubicle at work, cause I have woken up looking very tired lately.

I still have my nose blowing and sore throat coughing thing going on from the first week of October. Iceman has yet to hear what my real voice sounds like. More tissues and ibuprofen for me, I suppose. Sigh.

Oh, BT, I offered to make brownies for the family at Christmas. Turns out the big get-together will be on Christmas Day at my aunt's, not Christmas Eve. Iceman will be at my house Christmas Eve and Christmas morning, and will get to meet the family then and not before. He is putting new tires on my Liberty this weekend, even said I could sleep in with Cheech at his place and he'd take the Jeep to his shop early Saturday morning to get the work done himself. Edited to add, btw, yes, I got all of Iceman's and Cheech's presents wrapped, and stockings stuffed! Cheech has a traditional red and white stocking, but the bottom is paw-shaped instead of boot shaped, lol!

I swear, every day this man never ceases to amaze me. He is SO giving and so happy. Its unbelievable. I am still working on clones for those of you who inquired, so don't despair. I almost feel bad posting about how fortunate I've been with Iceman cause I know some of you are having real trouble in the man department. Funny how the GFs here with the biggest stressors in their lives actually have men in their lives, too! i.e. Confused and Queen. Just show them who's boss, GFs, and don't give up. Remember how bad and messed up my summer was? And my timeline of shit starting December of last year? When I joined here in June I was at rock bottom, went on a rollercoaster ride over the summer with some ups and downs, but I did what I always do.

I PERSEVERED. You can, too. Hang in there, and let the little things roll off of you. Its not worth it. Its HOLIDAZE, coming at you live, so be strong and have another cookie!

Oh and BT, I think you were trying to ask if that was my Army brother in the pic above. The answer is yes, but he is my only brother. I am going to send him a Christmas card tomorrow overseas, I got the address from Mom tonight, and it has to go priority mail. I hope it arrives in time!

Confused, I hope you and your husband get things worked out. Please continue to check back in here and vent when you need to. We do care.

Yes2life, I'm making all these cookies because there are people I want to give them to. Oh, btw, I'm located in Northcentral Indiana. Are you close?

Cin, that's great Iceman is going to put those tires on your vehicle. I need snow tires, but I can't afford them with all the other work I've had done to my car recently. Of course, when you're on the ice, I guess it doesn't matter what kind of tires you have. It's been icing here quite a bit lately, and we're supposed to get more freezing rain today. Yuck! I'd rather drive on snow than all the freezing rain crap. I thought that was your brother in the picture. It must hard, not having him here on the holiday. And I've had to put pets down also, and yes, it's extremely hard to lose a pet. I'm sorry you're missing your Casie. But know she's looking down on you and wagging her tail. I think that's neat that you got Cheech a stocking. I got my cat one also, about a month ago and it's filled up with stuff for her for Christmas day! Pets are fun to buy for, because they're not materialistic and don't really care what you get them, they're going to love you anyway.

BTW gfs, I got an "A" for a final grade in my algebra course! Still not really sure how that happened. I'll know next Monday what I got in my child & adolescent psych course. The teacher for that e-mailed everyone in the class and told us to send her our work via attachment and that we would not be having class Wednesday night. So I am officially off school until next year! Wow, I can't believe it. But I'm ready to take a break from the books. Anyway, today I go see the doctor. So we'll see what course of treatment I'm going to be on now. I hope he can get this rash on my feet figured out without me having to see a dermatologist. It takes forever to get in to see one around here. I did try using an anti-fungal cream on my feet, but it didn't help and actually seemed to inflame the rash. Hmmmmmmm......

I hope all you ladies have a wonderful day. I'll check back in after the doc's.

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I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Happy Hanakah to all of you. I've been super busy at work and getting my house together for christmas.I have really huge dilemma and really need your brilliant expertise.A few weeks ago I went to my 20th year anniversary. I kept wondering about one particular guy. Get this, he was my childhood crush. Kissed me in the closet in 3rd grade, and kissed me when I dropped all of my books etc. I was, for a child, really crazy for this guy. We did everything together.After 5th grade he moved away. I wrote and wrote to him, but never received any of my mail. So I was really hoping in 7th or 8th grade he would be attending that school. But he lived in another district, which I found out......long story,.....but I knew that he would be in my high school.

So the first time I went up to him (I was kind of geeky) and said "omg, how are Spencer" and he smiled and said good oh good to see you... later Cams. Needless to say I was really devastated. But it was as though that door closed. He went on to be the school scholar, captain of the wrestling team and gymnastics team. I went into the artsy end of things so we really never really saw much of one another. I fell in love and he fell in love blah blah blah.

In the past few years, I always wondered what became of him, was he an engineer for NASA?

Well at the reunion, who do you think the first person who comes up to me and almost for the whole night we made this connection, like as if we children again. We exchanged email addresses and met up one night. It was better than I would have ever imagined. I got home at 4am on a work night ouch. But when I was with him (he's going through a divorce, like myself, and its past that two year mark) I asked him if he was dating anyone and said yes. I then asked< do you love her and he replied no, its not like that.

That night, I broke up with a guy I was seeing, regardless of not knowing what was to come. I just wanted a clean cut before anything did happen. Yesterday I get an text message from Spencer saying that he just broke it off with the girl he was dating and his heart is all mine. I almost started to cry. I just couldn't believe this is happening. I have date with him Thursday night. BUT I AM FREAKING! WHen do I disclose. I am so nervous. I was thinking the date after next. AND what do I say?? Oh girls please help.

I have been lurking and so busy not to much time to write. But I have at least been keeping up with all of you. But today I had to write to Cammie, I guess from Kami to another.

Cam- From my past experiences with the recent Latin Lover I think you should wait till you get to know him. You may not feel that you like him after all. I know its easy to get wrapped up in the excited feeling that someone is interested in you (which I am sure he is) but you may not be interested in him after you get to know him so why give all of your self to him so to speak until you find out about him. Like my friend has told me when I have dated negatives let the guy fall hard for you so when you do tell him it does not come as so much as a shock and he will be so inammered with you that it may just not matter. That's my opinion it worked with the Latin Lover we are just not together for other reasons. But we did have a nice conversation yesterday, even it was through text messages. Well, good luck, if anything I think that you should just follow your heart and yo will know when the right time is. Remember in love you just have to hold your fire a little and see what happens, and maybe the key in love and war is balance. (quote from Samantha Who)

Ooooooh Camille!!!!! Good to see you and what a story. About the disclosure issue which I am going through myself, is a tough one. You need to read the last dating thread to catch up on that. I agree with what Sunseeker said 150 percent but others may tell you different. The bottom line is the decision is really yours no matter what any of us say.

Betty, Congrats on the A---You deserve it for all the hard work, no doubt. That's alot of baking you're doing, wished you lived closer to me.. I read your other post too about me and Rico. I guess that is the way I am looking at it----but then he wants to tell me he loves me which I am not taking seriously at all. I keep telling him not to say things he doesn't mean. The drama still flows between him, the ex and now my gf. I am staying out of it. He is struggling but I refuse to help because I felt my help was not appreciated before. That is about it. He's suppose to stop over today but I really don't care if he does or doesn't at this point.

Cindy--- I wouldn't consider Rico being in my life in the way that Iceman is in yours. At this point, it has become just sexual for me because I refuse to let my heart get involved anymore. And I have now come to the conclusion even though he says he loves me, his heart is really still with the ex. If she ever gives him another chance, he will be gone and I have come to accept this. If another man was to come into my life then Rico would be gone just as fast but since I don't see that happening....It has become purely physical for me.

I need to be getting ready for my dentist appointment. Ugh, I haven't been to the dentist in years but never has had any tooth problems either. I look at dentists like the one Steve Martin portrayed in Little Shop of Horrors since I had to endure getting teeth pulled and wearing braces during my teens. I will keep you posted on that when I get back......See Ya....

Hi ladies. Sorry I havent posted lately, I've been kinda down. i did have my baby. A little boy. I would love to share my pics with you all but to protect my privacy I will not post them openly on the forums. If you'd like to see him PM me and I will respond with a link to a page full of his pics. I'm just checking in quickly to say hello and I hope everyone is doing well. I'm a bit overwhelmed with the end of the semester, new baby and messy home. I'm attempting to get things in order over here and once I get myself back on track i will get back to reading and posting. I hope everyone is well. I'll be back soon

Hey girls!! How is everyone??...i had a good weekend..nah it was great...my roni (since he is 7 years younger) bought me flowers and a cake and a card up to my job..then we did dinner and went shoppin for me some clothes...where has this dude been all my life...??..its scary tho cus the closer i get to him the more prone i feel to disclosing but then that just scares me even more...i guess ill know when the time is right...but i have th etendancy to blurt shit out like its nothing and that may be what i do but i want to be sensitive to his feelings ...UUUGGGHHH i hate even talkin about..i just wanna ignore it!!!..Dammit....ok there all vents out...ANywho...i really enjoyed my 31st..

Queen: Sometimes its so much easier for us to follow our hearts, but the heart doesnt always know best..you are smart and beautiful and funny as shit, you aint gotta settle for a damn thing no matter what...Just always remember that and keep your head up Always...

Cin: You seem so happy and exuberant. Everytime i read one of your posts , im smiling from ear to ear...nice pic..how old are u in the avatar pic?..u dont look almost 40...Damn we some fine chicks around HEEERRRR...

You guys are all great and special ..i really want us to all get together and spend a day with each other ..but thats just my social butterfly ass wanting to go places see things meet people mingle..blah blah blah etc. etc...ok chicks gotta go..Until tomorrow ladies

Um, not sure what I am suppose to be happy about, Wishful. You got me stumped there. I'm back from the dentist, looking like a freaking wet rat cause the damn cab took so long that I ended up walking home... Not a bad visit to the dentist. He recommends that I get my back wisdom teeth pulled but said it is not mandatory since they are not giving me problems. No cavities.... Pretty good for someone who hasn't seen a dentist since her teens. I have to get my teeth cleaned but I have to get a clean bill of health from my ID doc in order to get that done...

Camille -- that's such a cool story ..... I got all excited just reading it !

So for now .... I hope you have an amazing first date with Spencer -- and that it is lots of fun and excitment getting know him all over again. I don't think you have to plan right now that you will disclose to him the date after next ... unless it just helps you to have a plan. See how date # 1 goes .... and if it is fun and you want to move to date # 2 .... see how you feel and if you're ready. Like queen said, there is a lot written about disclosure in the last thread .... I wrote a post about my ethics with disclosure and others put in their opinions as well. But I think sunseeker is right in telling you to follow your heart and that you will know the right time.

Also remember that you need to evaluate this guy as a potential partner without filling in the gaps ... it takes awhile to get to know somebody and that is OK. I think sometimes I used to feel that if somebody would just accept me with HIV, that acceptance would be enough ... it would prove that he was a good guy. But I have learned that a guy's acceptance of me is one step in the right direction, but I still need to figure out who the guy is too, you know ?

Bottom line is ... disclosure is scarey but important for all of us .... and we are all here to support you through it.

I'm learning more and more that there are amazing people in this world who DO accept others as whole packages ....

Well I had date #1 last thursday and he's broken up with the girl he was seeing and I did the same. Date #2 is this thursday. I have feelings for this man like I haven't experienced in a long time. I'm so preoccupied that I'm doing that wacky stuff like making coffee and forgetting the pot. Putting socks in the fridge. I mean this is insane. And he feels the same way. When we're together which will be the 3rd time technically, it seems like the rest of the world fades away. I ask for your prayers that he will understand and accept as I am. Thank you, I will keep you posted.

Thanks Em and hello to the rest Cin, Queenie, cristy, Bt, confused, drag, tendai, ubotts, sun and anyone else who is the glue of this forum.

Cam! Long time, no hear! I'm so happy for you. I agree with Sun about waiting until you really know someone to disclose. That way, the guy likes you for you, your personality etc. Good luck with that and now, keep us posted!

NY CONGRATULATIONS! We were so concerned about what was happening earlier. We knew you had the baby, just didn't hear anything from you. How was labor and delivery? What is his name? I will be pm'ing you so I can see his adorable pics!

Queen, congrats on the dentist visit. Myself, I have dentures. My teeth rotted out at an early age. I always used to hate going to the dentist. I had several root canals done when I was a kid and I didn't like the teeth cleanings either.

Wishful and SRMN, good to hear from you ladies. Keep posting and join in with us!

As for myself, I went to my doctor today. He said the rash on my feet is just from my new shoes, that it's no big deal, and I can keep wearing the shoes (thank God, they're Sketchers and I would hate to not wear them). Of course, I'm not wearing them often now because of the snow outside. For the cold sore, he gave me Valtrex and cultured it to see if it is indeed herpes. As for the HIV meds, he is going to do a phenotype, which will take a couple weeks to get back. So after that I will know which medications he will put me on. He said one of them will most likely be Isentress, the newest one that the FDA approved. So that was that. Tomorrow I'm going to the lab to get the phenotype done.

I made another batch of fudge today and some more cookies. Nothing much else. I hope all you ladies have a good evening-

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I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Cindy: What exactly is your job?Queen: Just be sure to guard your heart...Ny: CONGRATUALATIONS!!Betty: When you were talking about your gingerbread cookies you mentioned something about molasses. I know there is some in the recipe but it sounded like these were only molasses. I am curious...or did I misunderstand?

OMG I want to reply to everyone, but please bear with me as I didn't get much sleep last night! Iceman just left! Really quick though....

Cam!~ The girls are right about waiting until you feel right about Spencer, things is, you feel right, right NOW, don't you, meaning you want things to progress with him. I know the rush of emotions and even though I never put my socks in the fridge (LOL) I can tell where you're coming from.

The two of you have a soft, fuzzy foundation of familiarity from your youth, and that's a wonderful start, but keep in mind that people can and do change. Protect yourself a little, but hope that this guy trusts you. When I disclosed to Jay and to Iceman this year, they were so mature and open about discussing it. You see where Jay is now *poof*, but you also know that I am happier than ever with Iceman. You never know what the result of disclosure will be, at least that's how I feel, people can surprise you in a good way or in a bad way. Its for that very reason that I cut to the chase after a few dates, if I feel I want things to progress with a guy. Also, by then I usually am going ga-ga over him, like I was for Iceman, and the next logical thing to do is to disclose so we can further things along. OK, I think I just posted the same idea 2x in that last sentence, but I am sick and have had no sleep!

Long story short, you have to just DO IT. Wait for a few more dates if you can, I think you're anxious enough and certainly attracted enough to this guy to disclose NOW, but we all know the emotions and fear of possible rejection creep up too.

I wish you the best! Enjoy your roller coaster ride, I hope it continues for a long time! Its amazing that you both have a clean slate for each other. That right there says something about the guy. You mean something to him. Good luck, sweetie.

NY~ I'm so glad to hear about your new son! Congrats a thousand times over! I wish we were all near by so we could help you get the house in order and let you get some rest! You can post during your 2am feedings now GF! Baby in one hand and keyboard under the other, lol!

Wishful~ Thanks for the compliment on my pic. It was taken last Feb. 2007, I was 37 then, just turned 38 in November. There's a copy of it in the October issue of POZ. Sure glad Iceman came along, cause being the spotlight didn't amount to shit. The poz men are under rocks! LOL

er, yes u did . dont worry i am not taking it personal. i know its hard to keep up with everyone esp with work and love and no sleep goin on.

anyway im here but not posting much... got checked for pn & carpal tunnel today, no symptoms of both, which is good. but i still have rsi - repeated stress injury. all you gamers and typists want to be careful, cos that takes years to develop, but when it does the shit really hits the fan.

NY - CONGRATULATIONS!!!! I am so happy all is well and you have one more fluffy chick under your wings. Please PM with the link, when you have time. dont stress over school, dont they know yove just given birth, cant they cut you some slack, extend deadlines or smt? they should!

speaking of school Betty, whoohooo an A! doesnt get much better than that!! now you can really kick back and enjoy some free time in the hols.glad about ur feet too. i hope you can get on your new regimen getting those #s down again asap.

Queen, i'll echo someone else who wrote look out for your heart. i dont know what else to say, we have not "clinically proven" yet that Rico is in love with his ex, but it's a rocky secenario. look out for yourself girl...

Cammie, so nice to hear from you again with such exciting news. wow romantic movie flashback... it sounds sooo good. i can see why youre scared. even without hiv, when things like that happen, its like whoa... i think you are sensitive enough to find the right moment as you guys get reaquinatted and closer. i wish there was a protocol for that. there should be! if we lived in a more normal world there would be that time right after the first kiss when people would habitually have the hiv/std talk. in fact many people do. admittedly at least within the hetero community no one expects their partners to come up with "oh yeah, I'm hiv+". isn't it funny how in these conversations everyone is always "clean"? you are a charming lady, seriously, so he should be able to accept that. just remeber that, you have a lot to offer to someone. i will be keeping my fingers crossed!!!

Cristy, i'm sorry u're so stressed about your brother, its not fair. im glad though you have a plan b thought up in case he shows up again. whats wrong with him? you dont have to share if it makes you feel uncomfortable, i was just wondering. hope he doesnt come back!!

Confused, sorry youve been so stressed with the husband. hope things work out. something's gotta give...

oh yeah just remembered that forgot to update about me & the bf... things are good, i mean we are not having kids or getting married, but things are pretty good. we will be booking tickets for home (mine) later on, so it will be 2 weeks in spain in dec-jan, 2 weeks in IL in feb, and 2 weeks in spain again for semana santa (holy week) in march. my parents will be coming in march as well so it will not just be meet the fockers but meet the fockers 2 with the inlaws. and our parents are more diffent than those in the movie, they dont even have language in common! but i'll worry about it later.

oh yeah Cin im glad youll be doing the family thing after all, youre dad's right btw you are a grumpy old thing. dont think we are fooled by the blonde and the smile

« Last Edit: December 12, 2007, 06:26:59 AM by Dragonette »

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"If you keep one foot in yesterday, and one in tomorrow, you piss all over today". Betty Tacy

Viv, the coookies I made are molasses. I made some more yesterday. I used a gingerbread man cookie cutter, maybe that's where you got the idea that they were gingerbread. Even though they have ginger in them, they are molasses.

Cin, I'm glad you're still posting. I know it's hard trying to keep up with this when you're working and have a life. When I had that job for that short time, I posted in the morning like you do. So you will be spending Christmas with your family? Are you taking Iceman along?

I wonder how everyone else is doing. OH! I saw NY's baby. OMG! He is sooooo adorable! Anyone who hasn't seen him yet, should get the link from NY and take a peek. He is too cute. And so much hair!

NY, my daughter had a lot of hair also when she was born. Her father was Mexican, so she had tons of dark hair like you new boy does! Isn't that wonderful, though?

I hope all of you ladies have a nice day. Wish we could all get together like on New Year's Eve or something to have a great big party! Sounds like fun to me.

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I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Queen: I think i was in the wrong thread but u said somthing about people not posting or somthing...i dont know how to get the quote and reply sorry..But i meant what i said before i asked u if u were happy now..

Anyways NY baby is the BOMB!!..he is extra cute n cuddly..looks like he is 2 months, no wrinkles or pinkness...like most newborns...i miss that....

I am still coughing up a lung over here. Have made calls to both ID and primary doctors but has gotten nothing but their damn answering machines or voice mail. I know I am not their only patient but damn, a call back would be nice.... I just don't want this cough to end up being something else and I am trying to stay on top of it.

I don't know what to say about Rico. Not sure if I mentioned this in a previous post but now he wants to try to move forward with me. Now I am at the point that I don't know if I should take him seriously since he has been chasing after the ex like he has. The last time he came over he tried to explain his reasons, saying that they had been together for 8 years (4 0f them married). I just feel that is a long time to be chasing after someone who says they don't want you. Makes me wonder if the ex was stringing him along some of the way. I can't help but question his sincerity because I know now that my friend is now mad at him and am wondering if he is only turning to me because he has no one else.

Ny-- I do want to see pics of the baby, so PM me the link, please. Sorry, you are feeling so overwhelmed. I hope things get back in place for you soon.

Confused---- When you get tired of the bs, you will know and there will not be anything your hubby can say to try to fix things. I know how you are feeling, I have been there.

Dragonette--- Glad your tests came back negative. I am a gamer but I don't play everyday but when I do play, I play for hours. I'm glad things are going well with you and the bf. You better get rested up, seems like you will be doing a lot of traveling.

I am still feeling tired and kinda crappy. It's prolly from getting caught in the rain yesterday, I think I am going back to sleep....

Thanks for the comments about the baby. Labor went VERY fast but it was very intense and more painful then my others. They say that happens with fast labors. I had the baby out in an hour and a half. Didnt have to be induce because I went into labor on my own. Of course the baby is on AZT and being watched by a ped ID doctor. I'm a bit nervous but I was told that things look very good for him. His risk of exposure is low. My water never broke, they broke it for me right before he came out and I had no tears or cuts so the baby wasn't exposed to my fluids. This is all great news and I feel like I def had an angel with me in that delivery room. What are chances of my water never breaking or not having one tear? I'm grateful for the way things went, now I just pray my son is Neg.

Thank you ladies for all your support through this, It means so much to me to have other women to talk to. On that note, I'm off to manage the chaos of my household, I'll be back to read, catch up and post more later

OMG I think I am Queen's evil twin. I started snorting and snotting and coughing and getting congested BAD yesterday. I didn't even get caught in the rain, Queen, I just got let loose into Cubicle World on Monday this week. Anytime the air comes on, everyone coughs and sneezes and wheezes. Clean the F'n filters already, its an HMO building for goodness sake, lmao! *snort* I am starting to lose my voice again this afternoon, and Aunt Flo arrived too, about 5 days early. Iceman is coming over tonight, I'll have to be my creative self.

NY~ That's so good to hear about no cuts or tears to put your son at risk! Wow, you did have angels in that delivery room, girl! Its nice to see you posting. PM me the link to the pic when you get a chance, or would someone else send it to me? Thanks!

I don't know what to say about Rico. Not sure if I mentioned this in a previous post but now he wants to try to move forward with me. Now I am at the point that I don't know if I should take him seriously since he has been chasing after the ex like he has. The last time he came over he tried to explain his reasons, saying that they had been together for 8 years (4 0f them married). I just feel that is a long time to be chasing after someone who says they don't want you. Makes me wonder if the ex was stringing him along some of the way. I can't help but question his sincerity because I know now that my friend is now mad at him and am wondering if he is only turning to me because he has no one else.

Queen, you should tell Rico just that. Unless you really just want to have him for the bedroom, you have to tell him the deal and how its pissed you off. Just by you still talking to him, he thinks he has a chance. Maybe just tell him you want to keep it casual, and no more of this "I love you" shit. Before you know it, he might become a leg-humper with benefits, but hey, that might not be all that bad.

BT~ Congrats on the "A" in algebra! That's awesome! Your teacher sounded like she was really cool, that can make it or break it with a passing grade sometimes. Yes, I am having Iceman at my place Christmas Eve, wake up here Christmas morning and then Christmas Day we'll drive 20 miles to my aunt's house. There will be about 25 of us there, mostly my Dad's cousins, all in their 50s. My dad is 1 of 3 siblings and he has 4 cousins, so it makes for a big fun group! I have to work the day after Christmas but I think I can convince Iceman to stay at my place Christmas night. I'm so run down this evening that he is coming back to my place, when I was supposed to go to his.

I think it all comes down to prep time in the morning. He has very short hair, shaved close, and I have to wash mine 2x and condition, then blowdry. It takes forever! So, he can be out the door in less than 10 minutes in the morning, it makes me sick that I have to do all this work to look presentable!

Drag~ I didn't forget you this time, sorry sweetie. I inserted your name in BOLD in my last post, lol! It sounds like you will be doing a lot of traveling soon! How exciting! I am laughing at your reference to Meet the Fockers, lmao! I'm happy to hear that your wrists and feet are OK. I tell you, with these damn computers, its going to catch up with all of us someday, ouch! Glad to hear that you and your man are doing well, too!

Viv~ I work for a healthcare company doing data entry. basically all of the claims come in and get scanned and I go through and recode any scanning errors. Yep, I just peck like a chicken all day long, using mostly my right hand on the numbers keys. I do really well, since I've been a bookkeeper for the past 7 years. I have even, just this past week at this new job, been able to type on the numbers keys without looking, just by touch. I know, I'm a big numbers nerd, but I think its pretty cool. I don't have to answer phones or anything, just put on my headphones and rock out in cubicle world while I peck. *BAWK!*

Wishful~ I'll have to see where your "social butterfly ass" lives after I finish this post! LOL I have all of my info in my profile, but some people choose not to share it. I'd love to have a get together with my Gfs, too!

OK, call me "confused me" but are Confused Me and srmn BOTH Saras? I think so, but I can't get back into any of Confused's posts while I'm in here! Regardless, I hope you are both well tonight!

Cam~ Tomorrow is another date! What are you and Spencer going to do? You know, when I joined the Forums in June it was because I wanted advice on how to disclose to Jay. I told myself to enjoy my dates and not dwell on the HIV the entire evening. It was early enough on where we weren't intimate and there was no need for disclosure. ALLOW yourself to have fun and put the virus in the back of your mind for at least a few more nights out with Spencer. You'll obsess when you get back home, I know I did, but you have your sisters here to turn to! I'm so excited for you!

OK, I just spoke with Iceman and he said he was only coming over for dinner tonight. Then I suggested he stay home. We joked, wondering HOW we would possibly make it to Friday before seeing each other again, lol. I am losing my voice, he has laundry to do, I need some sleep (which I never get when he's here, lol), so we are taking a hiatus tonight. I get to catch up on my shows.

Now if I could just figure out when PPP (my Polly Prissy Pants recruiter) is going to pay me, I'll be OK. I don't know if she is holding the first check or not. I have money so I'm OK, but I have asked her via phone and email 3x about my first paydate. Her brain is especially "selective." Crazy mo-fo, lol!

OK, off to pamper myself this evening, I might be on here again later, but as usual, I had to go do a big-ass (_l_) (<-----ass) post again, lol!

Have a good evening everyone, Sun and Cristy and Tendai, too, and BT be careful with that ice! Maryland gets it this weekend!

Cin- actually we have a date tonight for dinner after his christmas party and then we have a date for tomorrow nite too. I asked him since this was such last minute was a swapping the nights.....and he said he just really wanted to see me tonight for dinner and the boardwalk. Tomorrow is still up in the air as far as where he wants to take me. I've known this guy for almost 27 years, and it blows my mind that I am going out on these beautiful dates with him.

I have chosen the time to disclose....it will be tomorrow.....and for tonight I say adieu.

Cin- actually we have a date tonight for dinner after his christmas party and then we have a date for tomorrow nite too. I asked him since this was such last minute were we swapping the nights?.....and he said he just really wanted to see me tonight for dinner and the boardwalk. Tomorrow is still up in the air as far as where he wants to take me. I've known this guy for almost 27 years, and it blows my mind that I am going out on these beautiful dates with him.

I have chosen the time to disclose....it will be tomorrow.....and for tonight I say adieu.

Hello Ladies. Hope everyone is doing well. I have just been working a lot. Tried to get some Christmas shopping done tonight but Walmart just doesn't have much I want to buy Robert. I think we will go to Kmart Saturday. Ny, congratulations on your baby boy. I sent you a PM cause I would love to see pictures. Cammie, Glad you reconnected with a old friend. Hope all goes well for you. Queen, Handle your business but make sure you protect you. You are a treasure and deserve to be treated as such. Betty, Congratulations on your A. Your cookies sound good. I have been gathering my supplies and will soon start baking myself. Oh, Robert is 4 and in Pre-K. Right now he still loves it. My school experience is similar to yours, quit at 16, GED at 18 , I hated it after a while.Glad to hear your feet are okay and hope all the other medical stuff works out to your benefit. ML, enjoy your evening of pampering. Sun, glad to hear from you. Good advice on getting to know someone. Drag, Glad things are going well with the BF. You deserve to be treated well, like all of us. Thanks for asking about my brother, I guess the most delicate way to put it is, He likes me too much and I can't deal. That the worst thing but he's also bipolar, doesn't take his meds correctly and does way too much dope. I smoke weed but have enough control to choose food or stuff we need over the weed, It's a luxury, not a necessity. Not looking for sympathy, just stating fact.. Vivyt, Have to give props to our school teachers. Know you are looking forward to that winter break.. Anyway ladies, if I forgot anyone I apologize. Love to you all. Cristy

Just popping in for a few lines. I am in a bit of a mood this evening. So you may witness a bit of an attitude in my post. But I can say Rico didn't cause me to be in a mood but something else....I have been complaining about this cough now for awhile. Now my primary doctor doesn't want to give me anything else til he can see me. I have an appointment tomorrow but I won't be able to make it. I have no transportation. Yeah, I know I could jump on the bus but I really don't want to do that. I am sick enough as it is and I was already caught in the rain after coming from the dentist the other day. The buses are never on time and having to wait out in the cold, I fear will make it worse. Not to mention the odors that I have come across when riding the bus which makes me only feel worse and want to have to hurl. I guess I will be left with trying to ride it out or worse case scenario, I will have to make a trip to the ER. I was afraid something like this was going to end up happening once I lost the use of my car.

To make things even worse, my left hearing aid has given out on me. I noticed this while having a conversation on the phone with Rico. At first I thought it was a few things like either I had lost my hearing in my left ear or my battery was dead. After trying a few things I discovered it was not either of them but my hearing had died. I found my warranty card for my hearing aids but found out it had expired in September. I called the 800 number on the card and left a message but it said it may take 2 days before I even hear anything back from anyone. Just freaking great. I was part of a program called Hear Now by the Starkey Foundation so I decided to look up their website. A link to contact them only had a mailing address, no type of email. I will try my best to put in a call to my case manager at my ASO but this is going to be challenge in itself just trying to hear what she will have to say.

And my thoughts about this "Beehive" thread...These are my thoughts and I am not trying to sway anyone in any type of way. I did look at the opening post of what it is suppose to be about and who created it. I will not be contributing to it. My reasons being is that I feel that is what I do in this thread is vent about HIV, dating and so on. I don't need to do it anywhere else other than my blog and honestly it would be too time consuming trying to keep up with all 3. I also feel that the other thread and it's statements made were kicking dirt on this thread, at least to me, as saying what we post here doesn't hold any substance or is trivial. I'm sorry but I take offense to that. Instead of posting my thoughts in that thread and be accused of baiting, I posted them here. I am sure the creators of the other thread will still be lurking in here so they can see why I will not be participating. Best of luck to them.....

I am off....Rico will be coming over to nurse me soon. I will keep you all posted...

ok so the date went way out of this world. I think my flags have been raised.... I cannot express to you guys how I feel about this man.....omg! It is unreal..this isn't just a silly lusty crush....we are really meant to be together.....I know I am going to get a lot of flack for this but the true telller is my Thursday nite date when I disclose...and so basically these are just a one sided love affair.

Queen, do you know anyone who could give you a ride to the doc's sometime? What about your case manager at your ASO? They're supposed to do that kind of stuff. I don't blame you for not wanting to wait on the bus in the cold. That would surely only make you feel worse.

Cin, we were supposed to get hit with an ice storm Monday, but the temp stayed up there, so it was only rain. Be careful when you guys get the ice storm! We did have freezing rain last Saturday night and it took so long to get my car cleaned off Sunday because there was 1/4 inch of solid ice on it all the way around. I'd rather have snow than ice! Nothing can help a car in that stuff. How did the pampering go, btw?

Cristy, your brother sounds like a menace. I hope your parents don't allow him to come back so you don't have to uproot you and Robert. Especially right now at Christmas. Wow, you couldn't find anything at Wal-Mart? Were they sold out of stuff?

Viv, hey, I know you're ready for a break! Kudos to you for the work you do.

NY, I'm glad the labor/delivery went so fast for you. I know how intense those pains can be. When I was in labor with my daughter I was begging them for drugs, but they wouldn't give me any. Of course, I was in labor for 38 hours and they were afraid that meds might slow things down (slower than they were going). I'm also glad you didn't experience any tearing. Your baby is sooo cute! Thanks for sharing his pictures!

OK Cam, I am so glad you have found someone. I'm remembering you today, especially for the disclosure thing. I'm hoping for the best. Please let us know how it goes!

Other than that ladies, I went out to eat with a friend last night to a really good Mexican restaurant. I have been craving Mexican food lately. I don't know if that's why I've been dreaming about my first husband or not (yes, he was Mexican), but I have been dreaming about him quite a bit lately. I wonder sometimes if he sends me messages from "beyond the grave." Some people believe in that. I don't know, I'm skeptical at best. I went to the library yesterday to get a couple books to read, and got a couple movies. One of them is "The Passion of the Christ," which I never did see. I understand it's tragic, but I want to see it.

I don't know about that Beehive thread. I read it quickly last night and decided, like Queen, I already post about my life and all it entails in this thread. Why should there be another one? But, I also wish people there wonderful luck! I hope all you ladies have a great day-

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I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

I'm surprised. Starting a new thread is no cause for such commentary. No negative comments were made toward this thread nor any other for that matter. It's simply a different type of thread. Or perhaps better put, it's just a thread.

It's issues-oriented or at least that's our intent. To read Sara's thoughtful introductory post and come to a conclusion that the Dating thread had dirt kicked upon is erroneous thinking or speed reading.

The Dating thread has liveliness and daily reporting of dating, family events, academic pursuits, journaling in a way. It's very social and concerned about what's going on in members' personal lives. And, that is a great thing!

When Sara and I volleyed a few PMs we discovered we wanted to discuss activism, discuss disclosure, discuss aspects of HIV that affect all of us in a different type of format.

Why is that seen as threatening or negative? It's about choice. Like most anything, this site or another or both; one car or no car or bike; vegan or carnivor. Variety is still the spice of life. We hope that the UK gals and those whom all of us have yet to meet chime in on activists' issues/events, drug trials, legal issues and more.

The thread has the potential for being creative and collaborative in how to live expressively and comfortably with HIV, but just as important, moving beyond to help others.

It's the holiday season...you could view Beehive as just another thread to open up. There have been and will be others along the way deserving of an open mind.

Okay ladies. As to this Beehive thread. Everyone is entitled to their opinion but I do not think it was meant as a putdown to the dating thread. This coming from the person who originally started the thread. But it has evolved into much more than a dating thread. I enjoy the posts immensely. But none of us are much into activism and maybe we can learn something from the Beehive. I read Sara's post and was touched in many ways.. Give it a chance ladies. I think it will cover other aspects that we don't as much here. IMHO. Betty,exactly , he is a menace and I will leave so fast if he comes back, it'll make his head spin. So weird. Not much at Walmart that I wanted to buy my Robert. I got him a Firetruck flashlight, 35mm camera, a Tonka watch. It'll last about 3 minutes and a fake call phone. All those are his favorite things but not much else good. We are going to do the dreaded trip into town this weekend to look for more stuff. Also, I will take him to the Dollar Store so he can buy gifts with the money he has earned. He is a great helper so we give him a dollar here and there. He has $14.00 right now and very proud of that. Hope everyone is well. Thanks for the link , NY, he is beautiful. Later, Cristy Edited For clarity

This is not a competition. I thought the dating thread was more to talk about our "love lives". THe Beehive is a totally different thread to me anyways. I posted there things i hadnt posted here. But everyone is entitled to their opinions. One should read the WHOLE introduction tho before judging so impulsively.

Im definitely in a holidaze: Bf is feeling some kinda way bcus this will be his first xmas not living with his son..A part of me wants him to go back as i feel like im wrecking a home and at least if he goes now before i am in love then it wont be some hard. I dunno...he says he doesnt want to go back to her but that is where his son is , He told me he wishes i was his sons mom and things would be so much easier. I dunno what to do, i want to be sensitive and compassionate to his feelings tho, im just not good with that. I am a hard person at times, a very black and white person but i dont want him to be hurt by what say so i dont say anything..Any suggestions??

Cindy: im in NJ but i love to travel...if we could make like one trip once a year for everyone to get together that would be cool...a Forum meet n greet so to speak. i know a few of you guys are at least on the east coast...I guess everyone who wants to participate can organize something together..I would love that!

Queen -- the new thread is not intended to compete wtih this dating thread. I plan on participating in both for different reasons. In no way did my words attempt to kick dirt on this thread- -- I enjoy the dating thread, I intend to continue participating in it, and that's all, really. It really shouldn't be any sort of competition. And I hope you take care of yourself with your cough... that maybe you can find a ride to the doctor, etc. Keep us informed.

Camille -- good luck tonight, I've been thinking about you .... and will be waiting anxiously to hear how it goes. Good luck !!

I want to write more but I have to run ... so Hello to everybody and more later,

Good luck tonight Cam! You'll have the answers you are seeking after you disclose, I feel. Right after you tell a guy about your status, you can usually come to one conclusion or another. I hope Spencer is supportive of you and doesn't pull a 180 on you!

Off to find chicken noodle.....

Edited to add: Cam, you posted in Thread 11, GF! You still putting socks in the fridge?

GFs, Cam's date has been postponed, she posted it in another thread. Crap now we have to wait about the news a little longer! Hang in there girl!

I didn't get to go to the doctor's appointment but the doctor's office did give me a call. He told me to stop taking the Dapsone that my ID doctor prescribed. He thinks that may be the reason for the cough but wants me to get some blood drawn tomorrow. He also prescribed some cough medicine and azithromycin, I hope it works...

As for the Beehive thread, I did read it and do not feel that I missed anything. I still stick by what I said but wish you ladies luck with it. I do have an open mind but I can also read between the lines as well. Some of the things that is going to be talked about there has been discussed in this thread already. So to me, it is like beating a dead horse, the only thing different about it I can tell is that there will probably be more talk about activism or whatever. Like I said Good Luck with that.......