Thank you for creating both pre and post curse versions of the Laman and Lemuel LDS action figures. It makes it a lot easier for us when we go out to the reservation to preach to the Lamanites. We just get out all the figures and pretend that the light-skinned Laman one is picking on Nephi, trying to shove the Urim and Thummim up into his secret parts. Then, I do my voice of God impression, cursing Laman and Lemuel and all their descendants by darkening their skin and turning them into Indians and making them a "dark, and loathsome, and a filthy people, full of idleness and all manner of abominations." While everyone's attention is on me, my wife, OfJoshua, makes the switch to swarthy Laman action figure.

We also do the reversal "white and delightsome" thing that the Prophet, Spencer W. Kimball talked about. We use your stripling warrior and missionary figures for that. We preach to the stripling warrior until he accepts the gospel, then we switch him out for that Norwegian-looking missionary figure.

Do you have any plans to make white and black Cains--you could put a bloody rock in the black one's hand. We could use them to explain the Curse of Cain to the Negroes.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

p.s. You're name doesn't sound like a real American name. Are you a South African refugee?

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It turns out that the anti-gay Catholic League, whose leader Bill Donohue was once famously insulted as "one guy with a fax machine," has assets of over $26M. And Donohue pays himself quite handsomely out of that hate jackpot.

Controversial Catholic League president William Donohue – whose work has now gained the support of the president of the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops – earned a salary of $342,500 in 2009, with an additional $56,656 in fringe benefits. According to annual IRS Form 990 filings, the organization spent more than $2.6 million in 2009, despite the fact that its program work constitutes little more than the issuing of inflammatory press releases.[snip] The organization shells out $335,914 for its midtown Manhattan office space, and compensates vice president Bernadette Brady to the tune of $203,727. An additional $57,826 is spent on office equipment. As organizations go, the Catholic League is a "non-profit" in name only. In 2009 it pocketed $943,516 in excess revenue, down from $1.35 million in 2008. As of the most recent filings, the Catholic League reported $26.2 million in net assets.

While impoverished parishes close down and soup kitchens are shuttered, the Catholic League spends somehow spends millions and makes millions doing nothing but fighting against LGBT rights. And this they do completely tax-free. Holy crimes, indeed.

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Jesus, save us from your "followers" We have told you in past Newswraps about the antics of Repent Amarillo a radical right-wing group in Texas that literally considers themselves an Army of God. As such, they decided that they needed to remind people of the reason for the season, so they executed Santa Clause. By firing squad."

In interviews Barbour doesn't have much to say about growing up in the midst of the civil rights revolution. "I just don't remember it as being that bad," he said. "I remember Martin Luther King came to town, in '62. He spoke out at the old fairground and it was full of people, black and white."

Did you go? I asked.

"Sure, I was there with some of my friends."

I asked him why he went out.

"We wanted to hear him speak."

I asked what King had said that day.

"I don't really remember. The truth is, we couldn't hear very well. We were sort of out there on the periphery. We just sat on our cars, watching the girls, talking, doing what boys do. We paid more attention to the girls than to King."

Of course it wasn't that bad for a shitkicking white kid with a silver pork rind in his fat yapper.

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"Folks, it looks like political correctness has scored another victory at the expense of morality and religious freedom. In-your-face homosexuality will soon be given the green light in our armed forces. What's next? A pedophile platoon? A bestiality battalion? A man-boy-love marching band? Let's bring 'em all out of their dark little closets and onto the battlefield—with special benefits and treatment to help them feel good about themselves, of course! [snip]

"So hold on tight, as America slides even further into the abyss of political correctness, while homosexual soldiers worldwide prepare for a colossal coming out party at taxpayer's expense. Oh, yeah, there'll be federal dollars wasted on this nonsense—can't wait to see the price tag on that. and all of this hoopla so that soldiers who like to have sex with those of their same gender can display pictures of and coo over their same-sex lovers' photos, as if that makes them "normal" to the rest of us. (Nah, we'll just wait until you leave the room and gag.) - Naples Daily News blogger Pamela Grothaus.

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And for a mere $399.99, this year you can get yours in patriotic red, white & Jeebus.

Which of the following statements comes closest to your views on the origin anddevelopment of human beings?

Four in 10 Americans, slightly fewer today than in years past, believe God created humans in their present form about 10,000 years ago. Thirty-eight percent believe God guided a process by which humans developed over millions of years from less advanced life forms, while 16%, up slightly from years past, believe humans developed over millions of years, without God's involvement.

I'm not sure what to make of Gallup's poll except to say a) I'm not surprised…and b) Ricky Gervais has pretty much got this creationism thing figured out.

Matt Taibbi weighs in on what Repo 105 is, how it was used to sweeten the stink at Lehman, and what the fate of E&Y is likely to be.

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Massachusetts police are investigating the theft of approximately 1,500 "Toys for Tots" toys that were supposed to be delivered to needy children rather than thieved. This comes just days after a similar incident in Maine, in which a shrewd entrepreneur silent-auctioned an entire Toys for Tots warehouse on eBay. C'MON AMERICA. Children are already the most underprivileged and neglected demographic — the child poverty rate is currently at an incomprehensible twenty percent — so is it possible maybe not to steal toys from needy children, since most of the poor tykes are literally starving? Or is that too much to ask? Geezus Christ. Hundreds of years from now, historians will look back and say, "When everyone starting stealing Christmas toys from orphans — that was what made America exceptional. And thank goodness all those greedy fuckers died in a nuclear holocaust." [Fox News]

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Peter King: I'm No Bigot; Here Are Some Bigoted Things I Believe

Rep. Peter King is going to be the new chairman of the House Homeland Security Committee next month, but some people (i.e., terrorists) have a problem with this, because Peter King has a habit of saying really bigoted things about Muslims. This hurt Peter King's feelings so much that he got all defensive and penned an op-ed in today's Newsday (his "enemy") about how he is actually American Islam's best friend. "Indeed, in 1995 the ICLI honored me for my 'support of the Muslim community in general' and my 'advocacy of human rights in Bosnia and Kashmir.'" Indeed, he certainly hasn't said anything mean about Muslims since he got that award, in 1995, and, indeed, American Muslims are now being turned into al-Qaedas by their imams.

Rapidly decomposing statesman John McCain is still super annoyed about the DADT repeal, so much so that he has had little fits all over the place for Dana Milbank to witness. "Today's a very sad day. The commandant of the United States Marine Corps says when your life hangs on the line, you don't want anything distracting," McCain said, ramping up his best Miss Teen South Carolina impression. "I don't want to permit that opportunity to happen and I'll tell you why. You go up to Bethesda Naval Hospital, Marines are up there with no legs, none. You've got Marines at Walter Reed with no limbs." So those torsos at Walter Reed got their limbs blown off because they were distracted, whereas troops who still have their appendages have kept a constant watch on military stuff? Interesting. READ MORE »