How to learn to love yourself and be confident

Stuck in a self-loathing state of mind? Here you can find out how to learn to love yourself and be confident with who you are.

We learn many life lessons in one lifetime, but the main lesson that is crucial to learn is to love yourself and be confident with who you are. Once you believe that you can do anything, you can do anything. Everything in life seems brighter when you love yourself. Here are some steps on the path to loving who you are that you can take if you are struggling with finding and/or loving yourself.

1. Accept who you are.

Let’s be honest, you’re stuck in your body for the rest of your life, you can either hide your flaws or you can accept them and show them off to the world. It’s difficult in a society where there is always someone to point out the size of your nose or the size of your body, but as long as you have accepted those flaws as a part of you instead of something wrong with you, you’re free from the criticism of others. It doesn’t matter how other people see you, it’s what you think of yourself that is more important. For example, instead of looking in the mirror and saying what you hate about yourself, you should look in the mirror and point out your good qualities – everybody has them!

If you struggle to find your good qualities, ask someone. There’s nothing like a good compliment to increase your self-confidence! And then, when you look in the mirror, you can remember what the people close to you said. Instead of listening to your inner demons, listen to what the people who love you have to say. Because, honestly, there’s a reason why the people closest to you are sticking around: your friends, partner, family, they all love you for a reason. You need to see yourself the way the people who love you do. It can be something simple like the colour of your eyes, the length of your hair. Or personality-wise, it can be your helpfulness or your determination to be a good person. Anything.

2. Think more positively

I know, it’s easier said than done, but when it comes down to it, most people see ”negative/positive thinking” as a choice – you can either see yourself positively or see yourself negatively, but it’s obvious which one is more effective. You can’t avoid negative thinking, sooner or later you’re going to have a negative thought, but every once in a while you can think something positive. For example, instead of thinking: ”I feel guilty for saying what I said to the person who was bullying me,” think: ”I had the confidence to stand up for myself and that is something that not many people have.”

Even if you struggle to think of your good qualities, all you have to do is change a negative situation into a positive situation. Thinking more positively can change your entire outlook on your situation, life and even yourself. After all, it is your brain that creates these waves of negativity, so all you have to do is change them to a more positive aspect. As difficult as it sounds, sooner or later you get the gist of having a new outlook on things. Practice by thinking of something negative and try to make it a positive thing – from every negative thing there comes a positive thing. For example, instead of regretting cheating on your ex-partner, tell yourself that it taught you a huge lesson and that you’ll never do it again, so it made you a better person.

3. Let go of any anger

We all make mistakes, but we can’t all hate ourselves forever. Life is too short to hold a grudge, especially against ourselves. Every single mistake teaches us a lesson which makes us better people, everything happens for a reason. Every single thing to happen in your life, however significant, has a meaning. If you didn’t go to the high school that you did you never would have met that great friend you had/have, simple things like that. Everything that doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, and so whatever anger you have for yourself needs to be let go of. It’s so important that you aren’t angry at yourself whatsoever over the past. The past is the past for a reason, and if you want to feel more confident about yourself then you have to forget about the mistakes you may or may not have made.

It’s exactly the same with any anger you have for other people, being angry at the group of bullies from high school, the ex-boyfriend who cheated on you or the parent who walked out on you doesn’t hurt them, the anger only hurts you. Of course, you don’t have to walk up to someone in your past and say ”I forgive you,” all you have to do is try to think in their position, try to justify their actions and remind yourself that what they did made you a stronger and better person in so many ways, and then instead of rolling your eyes whenever someone mentions their name, smile as though they are just an old acquaintance that you’re barely familiar with. Obviously you have to work on any anger that you have, meaning releasing it somehow, but after that everyone you have strongly negative feelings towards should be forgiven in your mind because it will only make you hate yourself and cause you stress.

4. Be gentle and kind to yourself

If you have done something bad, forgive yourself, if you have done something good, praise yourself. It’s easy for you to say ”that’s not a big achievement,” but all you have to do is tell yourself that it is, and that even if it isn’t you should be happy with yourself anyway. It’s easier to hate yourself than to love yourself, and that’s why people resort to hatred, but love makes you so much happier and much more confident. Your relationship with yourself is very much like your relationship with another being – you need to keep close, and keep the other going. You rely on yourself more than anybody else, so never lie to yourself, or you will lose confidence. If you have done something wrong, own up to it, if you have done something good, you have every right to show it off. Afterall, your own opinion of yourself is the only one that matters.

Calling yourself ”ugly” and ”worthless” is more painful than somebody else saying it to you. Although both are awful, you can refrain from any negativity from others by moving away from them, but you can never escape your own mind, which is why people resort to alcohol and drugs to escape their own mind. But it’s you who needs a close relationship with yourself, whether other people like you or not, it’s you who needs to love who you are and be confident with yourself, so this is your journey.

5. Surround yourself with good people

Some people will bring out the good in you, those are the people you need around. If you are in a controlling relationship/have a controlling friendship then you need to leave those people behind. How can you find the best in you when people are always bringing out the worst in you? If you have a friend who constantly causes you anger and upset, those people also need leaving behind, anybody that brings you any sort of constant negativity. It’s so important that you surround yourself with good people because ultimately you are who you surround yourself with. If you are surrounded by criminals, you are more likely to become one. If you are surrounded by good people, you are more likely to feel more confident about yourself because you have those kinds of people in your life.

Even if you feel like you have nobody in your life, sometimes that can be good, too. You need some ”me time” constantly to reflect on and admire yourself. When you’re alone, that’s when you should work on loving yourself the most. Spend a lot of time looking yourself in the mirror and telling yourself about all the good things you have in your life, all the things you have learned and all the good things you have done. If somebody brings you nothing but negativity, maybe it’s time to consider telling them you can’t be around them anymore. As sad and angry as they may be, in time they will realize that it was for the best.

6. Take care of your body

A lot of people (both men and women) have issues of confidence specifically with their body, so the more that you looked after it the more confident you will be. For example, if you regularly get spots, clean your skin as much as it’s recommended or visit a doctor to find out how exactly you can remove them. If you have messy hair, get a hair cut and look after it and you start to feel the effects of it because you feel a lot more healthy than usual. People with depression often stop caring about self-cleansing and taking care of their body which only makes them feel worse. You should exercise for thirty minutes 5 times a week and I personally guarantee after a while you will feel the effects working.

I’m not saying to change your flaws, not at all, but you will feel much healthier the more you look after your body. Health is something that a lot of people take for granted, so the more you look after your body the better you will feel. Exercise releases endorphin which trigger a positive feeling in the body, so you start to feel a lot better about yourself after a good workout. Not only that, but you will also see an improvement in your body which will make you see yourself in a better way. Then, you can look in the mirror and love something about yourself.

7. Just… Love yourself

No matter what, friendships or relationships come and go, but the love you have for yourself will never leave. Once you find out how to love who you are and accept yourself as a valuable and beautiful human being, you start to notice a mental improvement. You have so much potential, you have so much in your future and it all starts with loving yourself for who you are. The more confident you are with yourself the more happy you will be, this is particularly important for those with mental illnesses who are struggling to find happiness, because everybody has it in them but they just need to search deep for it.

It’s a difficult struggle, learning to be more confident, but there’s nothing more beautiful than loving yourself and being able to look in the mirror and think ”I wouldn’t want to be anybody else.” You are who you are and nothing will ever change that, as good as it is to put on makeup and dress up to make yourself look beautiful, that’s not loving yourself, that’s fake beauty that will only last one night. I’ve always thought that the more you show off your imperfections the more likely you are to find somebody who loves them. But this isn’t about finding somebody to love you, this is about loving yourself, and everybody has it in them. Everybody should love themselves no matter what, because in moments of weakness or unhappiness, you can always rely on yourself.

Here are some famous quotes about loving yourself that may inspire you:

”Be yourself, everyone else is already taken.” – Oscar Wilde

”The more you love yourself, the less you are like anyone else, which makes you unique.” – Walt Disney

”Your imperfections make you beautiful and they make you who you are.” – Demi Lovato

”To me, beauty is about being comfortable in your own skin, it’s about knowing and accepting who you are.”

– Ellen DeGeneres

”No matter what you look like, I think the key is to be happy with yourself.” – Adele

”Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius, and it’s better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.” – Marilyn Monroe

”I think it’s so important for young girls to love themselves and treat their bodies respectfully.” – Ariana Grande

Everybody in this world deserves happiness and confidence, and I hope that everybody finds a way to feel that way. When you look in the mirror, remember that you are unique and special, and nobody can take that away from you. Who you are is you.