Joke of the day

Every man needs a go-to joke.

Monday

Joke
N°
1003

Last 10 Things A Man Would Say10. I think Barry Manilow is one cool dude.
9. While I'm up, can I get you a beer?
8. I think hairy armpits are really sexy.
7. Her breasts are just too big.
6. Sometimes I just want to be held.
5. That chick on Murder, She Wrote gives me a woody.
4. Sure, I'd love to wear a condom.
3. We haven't been to the mall in ages. Let's go shopping and I can hold your purse.
2. Screw Monday Night Football! Let's watch Lifetime.
1. I think we're lost. Let's pull over and ask for directions. Tori F.

Tuesday

Joke
N°
1004

In Mourning
Jane lost her husband almost four years ago and still hasn't gotten out of her mourning stage. Her daughter is constantly calling her and urging her to get back into the real world.
Finally, Jane says that she's ready to go out, but doesn't know anyone.
Her daughter immediately replies, "Mom! I have someone for you to meet."
Well, it was an immediate hit. They took to one another and after dating for six weeks, he asks her to join him for a weekend in the Catskills.
On their first night there, they start undressing.
Jane takes everything off, except for a pair of black lace panties; he is in his birthday suit.
Looking at Jane, he asks, "Why the black panties?"
She replies, "My breasts you can fondle, my body is yours to explore, but down there I am still in mourning."
He knows he's not getting lucky that night.
The following night, the same scenario occurs. She's standing there with her black panties on and he is completely naked; only this time, he is wearing a black condom.
She looks at him and asks, "What's with the black condom?"
He replies, "I want to offer my deepest condolences." Tori F.

Wednesday

Joke
N°
1005

Four Mothers
Four mothers are in a psychologist's office having a group session. The session ends with the following conclusions:
The psychologist turns to the first mother and says, "You have an obsession with food because you named your daughter Candy."
He turns to the second and says, "You have an obsession with money because you named your daughter Penny."
He turns to the third and says, "You have an obsession with alcohol because you named your daughter Brandy."
He turns to the fourth mother, but before he could say anything, the mother stands up, grabs her son's hand and says, "Come on, Dick, let's go!" Dan M.

Thursday

Joke
N°
1006

Bedroom Secrets
A guy walks into the bedroom with a sheep under his arm. "Since you have a headache, I'm going to have to sleep with this pig."
His wife says, "In case you didn't notice, that's a sheep."
He replies, "In case you didn't notice, I was talking to the sheep." Francis M.

Friday

Joke
N°
1007

Strip Club Trio
A plumber, an electrician and a bank teller all walk into a strip club. They sit down, order a few drinks and start enjoying the show.
The plumber, thinking he is hot stuff, calls over a good-looking blonde dancer, takes out a $10 bill, kisses it, and then slaps it on her butt.
The electrician, thinking he is even hotter stuff, takes out a $50 bill, kisses it and slaps it on her butt.
The bank teller then takes out his bankcard, swipes it on the crack of her ass, and grabs the $60. Evan Kritikos

Saturday

Joke
N°
1008

Premature Ejaculation
A man was having premature ejaculation problems, so he decided to go to the doctor.
The doctor suggested, "When you feel like you are getting ready to ejaculate, try startling yourself."
That same day, the man went to the store and bought himself a starter pistol. All excited to try this out, he ran home to his wife. Much to his delight, he discovered his wife in bed, naked and waiting for him. While in the "69" position, the man felt the building urge to climax. In order to startle himself, he fired the starter pistol.
The next day, the man went back to the doctor's office. The doctor asked, "How did it go?"
"Not so good, doc. When I fired the pistol, my wife crapped on my face, bit three inches off my penis, and the mailman came out of the closet with his hands in the air!" Nick G.

Sunday

Joke
N°
1009

An Old Man's Gift
An elderly man entered a car dealership with his young wife. The owner of the dealership spotted the couple and went over to serve them. He couldn't help but stare at the lady, which, of course, the elderly man noticed.
"May I propose a wager," said the elderly man. "If you can do everything to my wife that I can do and still end up the way I do, I will pay you double for the car. But if you cannot, you will give it to me for free."
"Okay, agreed!" said the dealership owner.
The elderly man gave his wife a passionate kiss, and then the owner did the same. Then the elderly man unbuttoned her blouse and kissed her breasts. The dealership owner followed suit. Then the husband opened his fly, pulled out his penis, and bent it in half.
"What color car do you want?" asked the agency owner. Sammy H.