Phallumegaly:

Some doctors liken it to a tree trunk. Others to a length of anchor rope.
And still others compare it to a barber's pole. Whatever it's true dimensions,
Lorenzo Von Matterhorn is stuck with a gigantic penis, and
science can't help him.

Diagnosed with Phallumegaly (bigness of penis) at a young age, Lorenzo
von Matterhorn grew up without learning how to ride bike... without
being able to play little league (protective cups are too small)... without
being able to feel comfortable in a locker room or a regular pair of shorts.
And it looks as though he'll never be able to enjoy those everyday pleasures.

Recently rejected for yet another risky penis reduction surgery, Lorenzo
is lost. Medical professionals are afraid to operate on his Neanderthal
club-sized penis out of a fear of massive blood loss. "When you've got
a cannon like Lorenzo's, the risk inherent with an invasive procedure is
simply too dangerous," explains Dr. Emily Granverse of Institute of
Phallumegaly. "I'm afraid Mr. Matterhorn will just have to stumble
through life with what seems like, in many respects, a third femur."