Skeptophilia (skep-to-fil-i-a) (n.) - the love of logical thought, skepticism, and thinking critically. Being an exploration of the applications of skeptical thinking to the world at large, with periodic excursions into linguistics, music, politics, cryptozoology, and why people keep seeing the face of Jesus on grilled cheese sandwiches.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

FAQs about rocks

Between the targeted-ad software and my general hostility to woo-woos, I seem to be becoming a magnet for wackos. I say this because my recent post on "quantum jumping" triggered ads to be attached to my blog for even more bizarre claims. And you thought "quantum jumping" was the furthermost outer limits...

This most recent assault on the memory of William of Ockham was pointed out by my wife, who sent me the link with the message, "Ooh, this is even better." The site, should you understandably be hesitant to actually click the link and go there, is called "Scalar Energy Wonders." Like the "energy bracelet" sites I posted about a few weeks ago, this site sells "energy jewelry" and other such stuff. I particularly like the FAQs, a couple of which I quote here verbatim:

Q: What does the Quantum Scalar Energy Pendant Do?

A: Generally, the pendant has been reported to instantly boost energy levels & increase mental fitness. The other reported benefits of the pendant include: increasing stamina, protection from harmful electromagnetic radiation, improving sense of balance, and increasing resilience to stress. People tell us that in most cases any aches and pains disappear gradually. If necessary, you can even try rubbing the Scalar Pendant over the affected area... Some may respond within a week, while others require up to a month to register its effects.

My interpretation: If you wear it long enough, your pain will go away. Or not. Definitely one or the other.

Q: How does it work?

A: The pendant is made of natural minerals from frozen volcanic lava using Japanese Technology... The combination of natural materials in the pendant produces scalar energy that gets transferred to your DNA, which carries charges. All known living things are governed by charges, which can be affected positively or negatively by external frequencies. Negative frequencies include electromagnetic fields emitted by mobile phones and computer screens. As such, the positive frequencies from the Quantum Scalar Energy Pendant help to neutralize the effect of negative frequencies.

My interpretation: You are made of charged particles. So are rocks. So, in fact, is the entire universe. Charged particles contain energy. So, if you buy this rock and wear it, you'll be part of the universe, and share its energy. Which you would have even if you didn't buy the rock, but you should buy the rock anyway.

Q: Which frequencies are embedded?

A: Without giving away proprietary information, there are two key frequencies we focus on. First, is the Schuman Resonance. This is in the 7.8-8 range. It is the frequency the earth emits when there is nothing around... The other frequency is closer to 12. This is the frequency you will record in a rain forest... These are the core scalar frequencies that accomplish everything we've talked about in this report.

My interpretation: Didn't your high school physics teacher emphasize that you should always use units? 7.8-8 what? 12 what? Hertz? Megahertz? Kilograms? Light years? Bushels? Miles per hour? Furlongs per fortnight? And how do you know anything about what the earth does when there is nothing around, since there's always something around? Sorry, I'll try to calm down a little...

Q: What other products do you sell?

A: One of our best-selling items is the Ion Coaster/Bio Disc... Place a glass of water or other drink on the disc, and you will notice a difference! With physics oscillation theory, the big water molecular clusters will rearrange, become small molecular clusters, eliminate negative frequency, reduce chlorine in water, and make water activated.

My interpretation: *faceplant*

I would think this is all some sort of huge joke, a parody site on the whole Power Bracelet/Energy Jewelry industry, but tragically, it's not. These people are serious. And given that the cheapest thing I saw on the site -- the "Ion Card" (it looks a little like a credit card, and supposedly "gives you energy and protects your DNA") costs $12.99, people could be bilked out of a lot of money for this junk.

And don't start with me about how there's "alternative medicine" and "science doesn't know everything" and "maybe it could work." I'll quote Tim Minchin: "There's a name for alternative medicine that works. It's called... medicine."