Confrontation rarely yields results.

Let’s call this the confrontation trap. Sometimes we all fall into it. On those days, we’re not very persuasive.

I have a new plan:

Forget about getting people to change their viewpoint. Instead, convince them to try something they haven’t tried yet.

Here’s what I mean:

Think of some specific action the other person hasn’t yet taken. Ask them to do it.

At the most basic, this can mean:

Asking them to articulate their own view to me.

Asking them for their definition of some term.

Asking how they would respond to a given argument or a given scenario.

Here’s why this helps:

1. It’s less abrasive.

2. It invites people to think of me as a “helpful guide” instead of an opponent.

3. It lets people take their own time to reconsider their idea in an honest way.

4. It sets people on a path of being able to persuade themselves.

Note: This strategy has a helpful sorting effect.

The people who are unlikely to be influenced by you will sort themselves out automatically.

If you ask someone to take some small action or to answer some simple question and then they ignore you or change the subject, guess what? You can bet they aren’t going to give you a good return on your investment.

Aren’t you glad you didn’t sit down and write them a novel? They aren’t your audience.

When you know these principles, it removes a lot of guess-work. You don’t need to wonder whether the person is able to be influenced by you. You’ll know.

That’s what I’m experimenting with lately. I’m directing my attention to those who show signs of listening. I’m keeping my pearls close.

He that has ears to hear, let him hear.

Imagine meeting dozens — or hundreds — of other people looking to be intentional on social media.