"It's like a jungle sometimes, it makes me wonder how I keep from going under." -- Grandmaster Flash

Monday, June 19, 2006

Thursdays with Mom

Mom and I have started this thng where we spend one night a week, usually Thursdays, eating out together. It's sparked some interesting comments on her part.(While dining at Mongolian BBQ)Mom: Whoa, there's a bunch of Asian guys standing outside. Just hanging around.Me: Yeah. I noticed our whole area is getting a larger Asian population.Mom: Interesting. I wonder if this restaurant would give them a discount.

(Over burgers at Ruby Tuesday's)Mom: You remember your cousin Kelly's grandmother?Me: No.Mom: Sure you do. She was real thin and gay. I'm talking gaaaaaaay. She was gay back before there even was gay.Me: No, I don't remember her. Why do you ask?Mom: Oh. Well, she died.

(At Applebee's)Mom: Please get a relaxer! I'm tired of you doing this natural thing.Me: I want locks. This is the only way to do it.Mom: Fine. I guess I'll be the only white girl in the family.Me: I guess so.Mom (as she tosses her hair): So are you happy? Are you happy and nappy?

(Over the phone)Mom: I'm sorry I gave you a ghetto name.Me: What?Mom: I was listening to this radio program and --Me: Mom! Stop listening to Michael Baisden!Mom: They were saying that employers see certain names on a resume and eliminate the ones with ghetto names. Your name is at the top of the list.Me: My name isn't ghetto. It's certain people who make the name ghetto --Mom: But still. From now on, you should go by your middle name.

(At her house)Me: Be happy with the step grandchild you have now. That'll probably be the only grandchild you'll ever have.Mom: Oh, you'll give me a grandchild. Husband or not, but I'm sure you'll give me a grandbaby.