Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee.(Now I know why they record these conversations!):

Operator: "Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?"Caller: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."Operator: "What sort of trouble??"Caller: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."Operator: "Went away?"Caller: "They disappeared."Operator: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"Caller: "Nothing."Operator: "Nothing??"Caller: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."Operator: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??"Caller: "How do I tell?"Operator: "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??"Caller: "What's a sea-prompt?"Operator: "Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?"Caller: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."Operator: "Does your monitor have a power indicator??"Caller: "What's a monitor?"Operator: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??"Caller: "I don't know."Operator: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??"Caller: "Yes, I think so."Operator: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.Caller: "Yes, it is."Operator: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??"Caller: "No."Operator: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."Caller: "Okay, here it is."Operator: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."Caller: "I can't reach."Operator: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??"Caller: "No."Operator: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??"Caller: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark."Operator: "Dark??"Caller: "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."Operator: "Well, turn on the office light then."Caller: "I can't."Operator: "No? Why not??"Caller: "Because there's a power failure."Operator: "A power......................... ............. A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now.Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in??"Caller: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."Operator: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."Caller: "Really? Is it that bad?"Operator: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."Caller: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??"Operator: "Tell them you're too f*%king stupid to own a computer

6. Studies show that if a cat falls off the seventh floor of a building it has about thirty percent less chance of surviving than a cat that falls off the twentieth floor. It supposedly takes about eight floors for the cat to realize what is occurring, relax and correct itself.

7. Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks otherwise it will digest itself.

8. The citrus soda 7-UP was created in 1929; '7' was selected after the original 7-ounce containers and 'UP' for the direction of the bubbles.

9. 101 Dalmatians, Peter Pan, Lady and the Tramp, and Mulan are the only Disney cartoons where both parents are present and don't die throughout the movie. .

10. A pig's orgasm lasts for 30 minutes.

11. 'Stewardesses' is the longest word that is typed with only the left hand.

12. To escape the grip of a crocodile's jaws, push your thumbs into its eyeballs - it will let you go instantly.

13. Reindeer like to eat bananas.

14. No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver and purple.

15. The word "samba" means "to rub navels together."

16. Mel Blanc (the voice of Bugs Bunny) was allergic to carrots.

17. The electric chair was invented by a dentist.

18. The very first bomb dropped by the Allies on Berlin during World War II Killed the only elephant in the Berlin Zoo.

Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on.The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded."The third surgeon says, "No, I really think librarians are the best, everything inside them is in alphabetical order."The fourth surgeon chimes in: "You know, I like construction workers. Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end, and when the job takes longer than you said it would."But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed: "You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on.There's no guts, no heart, no brains and no spine, and the head and the rear end are interchangeable."

Two blondes are driving down the freeway chugging a few beers when they see a road block ahead with police checking for drunk drivers. The blonde in the passenger seat starts to panic and the driver tells her to calm down and do what she does. She then proceeds to quickly chug the last of the beer in her hand, peel the label off, stick the bottle under the seat and stick the label to her forehead. The second blonde follows along. When they arrive at the road block, the officer looks in and is quite surprised by this spectacle and says, '' Hello ladies. By any chance have you two been drinking tonight?'' ''Why no officer, you see, we are on the patch!'''

One day, a blonde went to go get lessons on how to fly a plane. Theguy at the airport said there were no more plane flying lessons thisyear but she could take helicopter lessons. The blonde agreed and theman taught her and said, "I'll radio you every 1000 feet you go in theair." The blonde agreed.

He jumped in and took off. At 1000 feet, she radioed him and asked howshe was doing. He said she was doing great. At 2000 feet, she radioedhim and asked how she was doing. He said she was doing great. Butright before she got to 3000 feet, the propeller stopped and shestarted twirling to the ground. When she landed, he went over to pullher out of the helicopter. He asked her what went wrong because shewas doing perfect before. The blonde said, ''At 2500 feet, I startedto get cold so I turned the big fan off.''