I get more and more depressed and start to lose all my will to live. At the same time I often feel watched, hear creaking cupboards and beams in different rooms, just one loud sound - then silence, and sometimes get the impression of the room getting much darker than normal at night. Moreover while I lived away from my family I experienced strange things too such as ceiling lights starting to flicker right above me or most strange a street lamp turning off just in the moment I passed by (whereas all the others did not). In the past I heard whispering voices I could not understand every time I went to bed. Arguments with my mother increase in frequency. Maybe these are only signs of paranoia and a beginning psychosis and I should not worry about being observed by an entity. I know as scientifically interested individual I should not believe in occultism and always try to find a logic answer. Possibly I mentally influece some of those things subconsciously. I should not leave unmetioned that I am a little more sensitive than others and during my childhood and adolescence I had a kind of déjà-vus, I saw pictures and places that did not make much sense but later on turned out to match with events in my life. Strange thing is that there never were people included, just showed dull situations like desks on my workplace or normal objects I was faced in the course of my life. In contrast to a real déjà-vu I receive a picture and could not deal with it at first, only later I remembered that picture and it made sense . But more and more I lose all of my sensitivity, just as something is waiting for me to get drowned completely. What makes me more precious than others?
OK, I always had problems to understand people around me - if the truth is being only a tiny part of nature why leading a life without any connection to her, why not trying to calm down instead of trying to chase after ones personal advantage, not only destroying fascinating, unique wonders but in the end ruining oneself. And so I am not able to integrate into my environment anymore, I do not find a way for myself, I cannot break out since I am too used to modern world.