Police officers must ‘earn our respect,’ say nation’s asshole teens

The nation’s disobedient teenagers are banding together to let police officers know that respect is something that is earned.

Colby Delson, a cocky high-school junior from Ohio, says that officers today are too short-tempered when it comes to dealing with mobs of foul-mouthed teens who take off their shirts and are ready to throw down at the slightest provocation.

“We’re only asking that cops be polite when arriving at a scene with a bunch of immature little assholes amped up on energy drinks and throwing glass bottles,” he said. “Cops today tell us to sit down, be quiet, stop puking in their cars and insulting their mothers, and then they complain that we don’t obey them, but it’s simple: you’ve got to earn our respect.”

“Why don’t they just ask us nicely, or maybe offer to let us fire their guns if we’re good?” he said.

Marco Kamansky, a 16-year-old dropout whose main interests are partying and tearing shit the fuck up, says that only a few years ago, police officers understood the importance of gingerly asking him and his friends to turn down the music blasting from their 15-inch subwoofers on their front porch, but today things are different.

“Last night around two-thirty a.m., this cop show up, says there was another noise complaint,” Kamansky said. “She literally doesn’t even say please, but just orders me to turn the music down. What is this, Nazi Germany?”

“What ever happened to professionalism?” he added. “Courtesy? Tolerance for entitled little assholes whose parents have never held them to account for anything? If cops don’t like our attitudes, then why don’t start calling us ‘sir’ and ‘ma’am’?”

Karina Donovan, a 17-year-old who was cited in May for underage drinking and hosting a party that led to six of her neighbors’ houses getting vandalised, says that police officers need to remember who pays them.

“What ever happened to ‘protecting and serving’ the public?” she said. “Instead of handcuffing us after we spit in their faces, they could start thanking us for paying taxes that go to their salaries.”

Mackenzie Eloise, a spokesperson for the group “Fucking Let Go of Me, I Didn’t Do Anything,” says that respect is not earned overnight, and that unless cops are willing to stop telling them what to do, the nation’s unruly teens will continue to fight back.

“This is an issue of constitutional rights,” she said. “If we don’t have the freedom to call cops ‘pigs’ when they show up to deal with 200 unruly kids rampaging a neighborhood pool and fighting in the street, then what rights have we got?”