So, I've been thinking. It might actually be a good idea for heterosexual women to bring along their boyfriends/husbands into the exam room at the gynecologist's office. I'm not sure if this is even allowed but if it is I'd want my partner to witness the exam at least once.

I am a woman who has a love/hate relationship with my vagina. If you've ever read The Vagina Monologues by Eve Ensler you know that there are many women who also experience a love/hate relationship with their own bodies. And sometimes it's a love/love experience and sometimes a hate/hate.

I've often questioned why women or men would want to enter the field of gynecology. Ultimately I am grateful for these individuals even though the process of a vaginal examination is not pleasant.

I'd like a partner to witness the experience. The vulnerable feeling of being naked in a thin paper gown, the "scoot down scoot down" uttered from the gynecologist, the feeling of scraping during the pap smear,

the cold duck lips (speculum). My doctor likes to put her finger in my anus for good measure.

What about the breast exam? For some reason I find the breast exam quite comforting. I'm not sure what that says about me but it's not all that bad. The breast exam is rather quick and as vulnerable as I feel there is something nice about the trust a woman must have in order to have a doctor examine her in that way. I have only had female doctors so for me it's easier to trust a woman touching me in that way.

Ok, back to the difficult parts. What about the bright lights above? What about the part when the doctor puts pressure on your ovaries which makes you feel like you need to pee?

I'll never forget the moment when my gynecologist had her fingers inside me and looked over me and said, "are you experiencing any discomfort?" I must have given her a strange look because she then said, "besides what I'm already doing?" I found it humorous. Who knew I could find humor on an exam table.

So, why would I want male partners to be a part of this difficult exam? I think it'd be important for men to see what we go through. I think it's important for men to know the anatomy they seem so eager to climb inside of. I think it's important for men and women to know what are "down theres" consist of.

I'm someone who thinks it's important to discuss sex before having it (I'm also someone who needs to be in love before having sex). Not only do I think it's important for two to discuss what sex means to the other but I think it's important to discuss how each connects or does not connect to their bodies.

I think a lot of us feel somewhat vulnerable when we go to the doctor. Our level of anxiety often depends on why we are visiting the doctor in the first place. In the case of vaginal exams I think it'd be great for men to see what goes on inside of it and why it's important to keep ourselves healthy.

We are not taught to embrace our vaginas or penises. We are not taught to understand our genetalia. From a young age we are often taught that our genetalia is dirty and we give it silly names like "wee wee" or "pee pee". As we get older we give genetalia crude names like "dick" or "pussy" in order to some how feel comfortable. We engage in sexual activity with our genetalia but we often don't really connect. It's easier for some to engage in sex acts when they are sexually aroused. Sometimes feelings of vulnerabilty are forfeited when people really want sex. But how can we really go on this way?

So, yes lets take our partners on a field trip off to the gyno office! Let us understand that our bodily parts are beautiful, ugly, functioning, wanting, giving things.

Friday, February 25, 2011

According to CBS News a London ice cream parlor is planning to serve ice cream made from human breast milk.

"What could be more natural than fresh, free-range mother's milk in an ice cream?" said Victoria Hiley, one of the 15 women who donated their mammary milk.

At present there is no word on what steps the parlor has taken to avoid potential risks.

I've been curious as to what breast milk tastes like. I've spoken to a couple of friends who are mothers and I'm told it just tastes like sugary milk. Doesn't sound bad to me. Would I take a bite of the breast milk ice cream? Sure why not? But yes, it does sound ridiculous. I can't imagine the breast milk flavored ice cream will be very popular. I don't think it's going to show up at my local Baskin and Robbins anytime soon.

As I was scanning the internet for more stories on this subject I came across a 2008 article from taste.com.au which reveals that PETA actually encourages breast milk ice cream as it will utlimatley lessen the suffering of dairy cows.

Earlier in the month I wrote a post entitled Revisiting Dworkin for the 2nd Time: Giving Her Another Chance. In the post I explained that I had re-read Intercourse, a book written by the late anti-pornography feminist Andrea Dworkin. I originally read the book in 2009 and even as a an anti-pornography feminist, I agreed with many of her critics in that she seemed to be a man hater.

When I read the book this year I came to see that I actually agreed with many of her statements. Oh, what a difference a couple years make. This is not to say that I agreed with everything Dworkin wrote in Intercourse. In my last post I jotted down some quotes that made sense to me. As promised in my last post I will now lay out some of Dworkin's statements I could not completely agree with. At the very least some of these statements caused me to question. So, even if I don't agree with everything Dworkin has to say, she does make me think. That in itself is positive.

"Intercourse recalls the first nakedness, innocent and basic, but the innocence itself is not recoverable; the nakedness is never again synonymous with being human. One's skin takes on a social function - even naked, one is not purely naked; social identity becomes a new, tough, impermeable skin; one's nakedness is covered over by layers of social self and emotional pain, rituals and rules, habits of being that are antithetical to any pure experience of being."

I don't completely disagree with Dworkin here but this quote begs a question. Is personal agency possible in a patriarchal society? In the above paragraph Dworkin tells us that once we engage in intercourse we are now part of a process in which the ills of society have taken over. Throughout Intercourse Dworkin tells us that through intercourse we may think that we are engaging in a private act, a sacred act, but really women are lying underneath the bodies of individuals who either overtly, subtly, or subconsciously believe that men are dominant and women are submissive. That a penis is a power tool. Not only that but in her book Dworkin goes on to say that under patriarchy women have learned to eroticize dominance, that they are taught that that is the way to enjoy sex. This erases any honesty within the act of intercourse.

So, this is one of Dworkin's passages that has me teeter tottering between yes and no. Is it possible for women to engage in intercourse without stench of patriarchy permeating the skin? Can men escape the binds of patriarchy when they enter the bedroom?

In the chapter, Occupation/Collaboration, Dworkin tells us that most women cannot orgasm from intercourse. I know that this is true however she seems to use that as one of her many many reasons not to have intercourse. She goes on to say that,

"Woman can and must take responsibility for authentic sexual pleasure: 'the ability to orgasm when we want, to be in charge of our stimulation, represents owning our own bodies, being strong, free, and autonomous human beings.'"

I think this is a good way to look at things when it comes to masturbation but I think it's important to recognize the dual roles in intercourse. Yes, a man does not control the pleasure of a woman. A man does not MAKE a woman orgasm all on his own. It is about two people uniting, giving and receiving. A woman who orgasms does so not only because a man is assisting her but also because of her ability to feel comfortable, emotionally open, safe, aroused. A woman's mental state has a lot to do with her ability to feel pleasure. I have no issue with giving a man credit for assisting my pleasure however I do not give him all the credit. I think it's okay for feminists to acknowledge what their partners bring to the table. In fact I think it's important.

"Male-dominant gender hierarchy, however, seems immune to reform by reasoned or visionary argument or by changes in sexual styles, either personal or social. This may be because intercourse itself is immune to reform. In it, female is bottom, stigmatized. Intercourse remains a means or the means of physiologically making a woman inferior: communicating to her cell by cell her own inferior status, impressing it on her, burning it into her by shoving it into her, over and over, pushing and thrusting until she gives up and gives in - which is called surrender in the male lexicon. In the experience of intercourse, she loses the capacity for integrity because her body - the basis of privacy and freedom in the material world for all human beings - is entered and occupied; the boundaries of her physical body are - neutrally speaking - violated. What is taken from her in that act is not recoverable, and she spends her life - wanting, after all, to have something - pretending that pleasure is in being reduced through intercourse to insignificance. She will not have an orgasm - maybe because she has human pride and she resents captivity; but also she will not or cannot rebel - not enough to matter, to end male dominance over her. She learns to eroticize powerlessness and self annihilation. The very boundaries of her own body become meaningless to her, and even worse, useless to her."

Dworkin says with utmost certainty that "intercourse is immune to reform." What a horrific thought. So, should women give up on intercourse? I don't disagree that our society caters to the straight man's assumed desire. Patriarchy gives men a limited way to understand intercourse and gives women a limited way to understand intercourse. So, again the big question presents itself. Is there anything to be said about personal agency? Can we ever be free of patriarchy? Is Dworkin tell women to throw in the towel and never experience intercourse ever again? Should virgin women never consider intercourse?

I'm a person who believes intercourse must be discussed before acted upon. Talk to your partner about what it means to engage in intercourse. I don't know about you folks but I can't engage in a sexual act if it is not considered to be intimate and respectful. However, it seems that Dworkin is telling us that no matter what we hope to get out of intercourse it is tainted. She tells us that "intercourse is immune to reform." I'd like to think that although there is a risk, when man and woman come together it is a risk worth taking. Yes, ignorance is bliss and if you are a woman who is not living blissfully then you understand that patriarchy does exist. It joins us under the covers and we are all vulnerable to it.

Even the most sensitive and caring man may not even be aware that his thoughts are dominating. If a man thinks that it is his responsibility alone to make a woman climax, if a man thinks that he is not vulnerable during intercourse, if a man thinks that various sexual positions in intercourse leaves the woman in a compromising and submissive state, if a man feels powerful during intercourse, if a man thinks that he is leading the act and the act is an act to be lead, if a man's only concern about a woman in bed is "was it good for you?", if a man believes that within intercourse he is doing something TO a woman rather than man and woman sharing an experience, he has not escaped patriarchy.

So, what does that leave us with? Perhaps even the most sensitive of men need to be educated. Perhaps escaping patriarchy is a work in progress. I believe it is. This work is essential if women are to feel safe.

In her foreword, author Susan Seligson states what all men and women already know: "Breasts are an inexplicably big deal." Whether hidden under layers of clothing, half-revealed in the service of fashion (and flirtation) or laid brazenly bare, breasts matter. They demand response, provoke moral questions and force confrontation with the very notion of taboo.

Over a period of six years, Jordan Matter photographed over 100 women bare-breasted in New York City. They varied in terms of age, education and profession. Every one was a volunteer. Every subject faced reactions to her decision to defy convention, and many confronted feelings of shame and inadequacy. But after the shoots, the women were unexpectedly euphoric—and Matter wondered just what he had uncovered.

Many of the women agreed to interviews or wrote their own texts for this collection, revealing their journeys toward self-acceptance. The result is a remarkable chorus of shared experience, secret fears, optimism and wisdom. Uncovered celebrates the controversial female body. But it also honors the individual women who were willing to confront their culture and themselves. These are their images and their stories, in their own words.

"This amazingly unique celebration of women's breasts is not only brave and beautiful, but also insightful and inspiring enough to make even the most frustrated female excited about her body."

Nancy ReddNew York Times bestselling author of Body Drama

Ten percent of the profits from sales of Uncovered merchandise will benefit the Breast Cancer Research Foundation, a nonprofit public charity committed to achieving prevention and a cure for breast cancer in our lifetime.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

When Lady Gaga performed her new single Born this Way, at the 2011 Grammys I thought her costume seemed rather simple in comparison to mystic pod she climbed out of. Most of all...I didn't understand the hat. Why the yellow hat?

As she continued to perform with her fellow dancers it started to click. And after the clicks came the questions. Could it be?

There she stood with her famous monster claw in the air. But it certainly was reminiscent of the upward palm of the performers in Alvin Ailey's most famous dance piece, Revelations.

To my knowledge the Gaga herself has not admitted to the Ailey reference but it seems to be there. For those of you who are wondering what the hell I'm talking about, Ailey was a modern dance choreographer who founded the Alvin Ailey American Dance Theater in New York.

Revelations was Ailey's signature piece and my personal favorite. It spoke to the hardship of slavery and the freedom of the human spirit.

About Me

I believe story telling is an art form and blogging is a medium in which to share stories and ideas. Within this blog I hope to cover a spectrum of topics. From the serious to the silly. Here you will read my views and inquiries about subjects such as feminism, other various socio-political issues, psychology, spirituality, sexuality, and general interests such as film, art and music. You will also be exposed to my obsession with cupcakes, tea, books, Hello Kitty, and quirky day to day journeys. I enjoy learning from others as I am constantly attempting to introspect, grow and evolve. During this process I will be jotting down musings on this blog. Pull up a comfy chair and a spot of tea and join me!