I really don’t get you, youth of today. I really don’t. Sure, I did some stupid sh*t in my day, and not a moment goes by that I don’t regret acting like such a schmuck. But with all of the information and education that we have available for us now, there’s almost nothing left that we can get away with. So why on Earth would you let someone record your stupid face as you go gallon smashing in public? Next thing you know, some pro-milk advocacy group is lighting your house on fire and killing your pets. That’s the way the world works these days, folks.

Oh, and there really isn’t much more that I love than watching an a-hole’s face bounce off the cold, hard floor. Because, all jokes aside, adult me will stab a bitch if pranks like this cause milk prices to increase.

NBA Playoffs

Game 4: Heat at Bulls – 7 PM ET on TNT

Game 4: Thunder at Grizzlies – 9:30 PM ET on TNT

If the Heat had any balls, they’d start each game with only four men from here on out. In fact, let’s try to spread that rumor – the Heat are only going to play four guys because they’re tired of having to pretend like they’re trying.

NHL Playoffs

Game 7: Rangers at Capitals – 8 PM ET on NBC Sports

“Thank God these Stanley Cup quarterfinals are really dragging out this year,” said Gary Bettman as he skinned a child to make a new coat.

MLB: Mets at Cardinals – 7 PM ET on ESPN

I haven’t watched Matt Harvey pitch once this season and I’m not afraid to admit it in a public forum.