Non-Mom Mishap at ‘America’s Favorite Mom’ Contest

By John J. Edwards III

The juggle is hard enough for any parent without having to square off against an institutional insult, but that’s the situation scores of adoptive parents faced late last week.

The “America’s Favorite Mom” contest, run by lead sponsor Teleflora, NBC and several other companies, invited people to vote on mothers grouped in various categories — military mom, single mom, working mom, etc. Semifinalists were shown on NBC’s “Today” show each day last week, and the winners were announced on an NBC special last night. A friend and colleague of mine, the father of an adopted son, on Friday sent me a link to the contest’s semifinalist page, and he described one oddly named category: the “non-mom mom.”

Who were these non-moms? As my friend annotated the roster, they included grandmothers — “fair enough” — stepmoms — “skating toward edge here” — and moms to adopted children — “Oh, no! They’ve fallen off the precipice!” He said of his wife, “It was news to Jo that she was a non-mom.”

My friend later emailed that an adoptive-parents group had sent around Teleflora’s phone number for complaints, and that was far from the only opposition. All around the Web there were outraged responses like this one, from Liana on the personal blog Welcome to the Dollhouse:

“I’m so sick of this being relegated to second class status because of the state of my reproductive capabilities! I have already taken time from my busy day to call Teleflora and complain about this offensive designation…I plan to let all the sponsors know that as a mother, not an adoptive mom, and not a non-mom mom, I am so disappointed in them. I’m Zara’s mother…period.”

I contacted Teleflora and received an email Saturday from the company’s vice president of corporate communications with a version of a statement that had been posted on the “America’s Favorite Mom” Web site:

“Teleflora is immediately changing the name of our ‘Non-Mom’ category to ‘Adopting Moms.’ After closer examination, we can see how this may have been offensive to moms who have adopted children — moms who are indeed real moms to their children in every sense of the word. In fact, many of us at Teleflora are ‘adopting’ parents ourselves, including our president and owner. The essence of this category still focuses on a grandparent, neighbor, step mom, or mom to adopted or foster children, each one raising and loving a child.

“This show of insensitivity on our part was in no way intended and we deeply apologize for any concern or distress we may have caused. It was always our intent to salute and celebrate all moms.”

The spokesman said Teleflora had responded to each complaint it received.

The site’s description of one mother in the category, Jennifer Keller of Home, Kan., originally read: “She was an adopted child who is now mom to her own daughter, plus six adopted children who started life as ‘meth babies.’” Belatedly realizing that the six adopted children are also Ms. Keller’s own, the contest administrators changed the description to: “She has seven children, six of whom were adopted and exposed to methamphetamines in the womb and were born meth positive.”

On the contest’s culminating special last night, I saw no acknowledgment of the controversy. In introducing the “Adopting Moms” segment, co-host Marie Osmond, herself an adoptive mother, said, “We’ve created a special category for all of those who are not only moms to their own families but they brought their passion and energies to helping kids who otherwise wouldn’t experience how much a mom can mean.” Looks like that questionable use of “own” snuck back in there, alas.

I’m sorry adoptive mothers had to deal with this whole affront, but I hope they and all others had a great Mother’s Day anyway.

Comments (5 of 81)

Thank you, NBC, for making my non-children feel forced to give their non-mothering, almost non-existent, mom a Mother's Day card. They also feel embarrased and confused since their biological mom doesn't fit the "real mom" mold. Who cares are Donny and Marie? Boycott NBC.

3:13 pm May 16, 2008

"non-mom" wrote :

I would qualify for the COE "Chairman of Everything" mom category, but I am raising someone else's children. Their real mom, the one who is eligible for the show and would win first place for the "Escaped from Motherhood, but don't forget to send me a Mother's Day card" category. Is there an award show for stepparents who step up and take responsbility for the children birthed by loser bio moms? I would love to see the loser moms put into the spotlight. It would be more realistic in this country, where children are treated like a commodity rather than people.

4:26 pm May 14, 2008

Ann wrote :

I find this offensive on so many levels I don't want to start. WHY do they separate categories, just so they can have more to talk about? WHY is how the child came into the family a qualifying factor? I also find it offensive that in magazines children are identified as "adopted". Legally you can adopt a child as a member of your family but there always has to be an asterisk next to their name? It is a horrible concept and they should change it to one prize for all mothers.

6:16 pm May 13, 2008

stepmom in boston wrote :

dan in st louis, i'd like to say (as an Ivy-graduated stepmom) that you might want to be a little more careful in how you categorize people.

this entire contest is ridiculous - if they had similar divisions in the Miss America contest (first-generation, American-born, adoptive country), can you imagine the screaming and ranting that would happen?

*makes list of sponsors, notes where not to spend money.

5:07 pm May 13, 2008

Big deal wrote :

All Teleflora did was reflect a society that deems women worthless unless they give birth.

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The Juggle examines the choices and tradeoffs people make as they juggle work and family. The site provides readers with news, insight and tips on parenting, workplace issues, commuting, caregiving and other issues busy readers with families face. It is also a place for readers to share and compare their own work-and-family experiences and to seek advice and recommendations. The Juggle is includes regular contributions from other staffers at the Journal. Contact the Juggle with ideas or suggestions at thejuggle@wsj.com