A Little Cheese to Go with the Longhorns’ Whine

In the “Definition of Chutzpah” department, University of Texas coach Mack Brown fired the first salvo in the Longhorns’ bid to be voted the AP Coaches’ Poll National Champion after UT’s pitiful performance in last night’s Fiesta Bowl. In todays’ Austin American-Statesman, Brown (who does, by the way, gets a vote) said:

I wasn’t sure before, but on Friday, I’ll vote Texas No. 1 because I believe this is the best team in the country.

Get real, Mack. The way you’re dancing to the tune played by the Texas Ex’s (their Alumni Association) is more in line with a head coach at Texas A&M than UT. It’s especially embarrassing in light of the fact that the Aggies haven’t won a piece of a National Championship in football since 1939–and never won one outright.

Last night, for 59 of the Fiesta Bowl’s 60 minutes, Texas produced their most lackluster performance of the season. The Keystone Cops were better organized than the Longhorns’ offensive line. Don’t believe me? Look here.

OK, so Colt McCoy made a (literally) last-minute drive to save some semblance of the season. Big deal. For 59 minutes and 43 seconds, the Longhorns could not obtain a lead over the most over-rated team in the NCAA. Ohio State lost its last two bowl games by a total of 30 points. The Longhorns barely managed to beat the Buckeyes by three.

I know I am not making any friends in my adopted home here in Austin, but the truth hurts. That’s the good thing about being a die-hard disciple of the Southeastern Conference in the land of what I call “The Big Two (and all those other guys).” Objectivity.

That is, to a point. I will be hollerin’ “Boomer Sooner” Thursday night while huddled over the download to my laptop hoping for a massive Oklahoma win. (Do we eschew cable/satellite because Hubby’s a techno-geek or because we’re just too dadgum cheap? Inquiring minds want to know.) I’m not backing OU just to shut up the whiners once and for all. I’m doing it because I’m Bulldawg born and Bulldawg bred and I wouldn’t root for Florida with three engines out on the team plane. The thought of the Phlorida Philistines with more bragging rights just curdles my stomach.

Besides, I live for those shots of Urban Meyer hiking up his britches after a play goes south. You’ve never noticed he does that? To resurrect a popular catchphrase from the recent Presidential campaign, “You betcha! *wink*” It’s just as much fun as watching Steve Spurrier throwing down his headphones, his visor and (FTW!) his clipboard.

If there is any justice in this world, on Thursday night Urban Meyer will walk off with a permanent wedgie.