I’ve been noticing a lot of profiles lately where neg guys are looking for other neg guys for bareback sex. This doesn’t surprise me. What surprises me is how willing guys are to believe these potential dates when they tell them they are negative. Can we really trust someone we just met when they tell us they are HIV negative?

The best advice anyone can give you is to assume everyone is positive and fuck accordingly. That being said, I am guessing the majority of guys can be trusted but as we know it’s always that one bad seed.

Your local pharmacy might have the answer you are looking for. The In Home 20 minute HIV test. Check this out. Let’s say you are online cruising for Mr. BB for NEG Only. You find him, tag him and he is on his way over. He gets to your place and you ask him if he will take the test.

Now most guys would probably just say ok, why not, if they were truthful to begin with. Some guys might object saying they just had one, others would probably make their excuses and leave. So what about the test results?

If the test result comes back negative then you can probably assume he is negative for HIV. What if the test comes back positive and the guy didn’t know? Are you ready to be a counselor for the night? Or worse what if he freaks out?

Are these test results accurate? Can they be fixed, what if someone brings an old negative oral swab with them? I can see it now, old negative results sold on eBay. HIV is not the only critter to be concerned with, so many others to be concerned with. Make the choice that’s right for you.

The important thing to remember is if you are negative you should be doing everything you can to stay negative. If you are positive, do everything you can to keep it to yourself.

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122 comments for Health : Bareback Only!

I believe in being safe vs sorry when it comes to sex. There are too many diseases out there and too many people willing to say anything to get in your pants. Everyone should diligently have themselves tested for everything not just HIV. I am a top and caught Hepatitis B from someone claiming to be std free. It took a year of my life and a fair amount of money and time back and forth to a doctor to get well. While HIV is always on our conscious as a potential threat I believe everyone should educate themselves on what else is out there and act accordingly.

Question: How clean can a man be really weather one plays safe or not. One does not know of the guys sexual habits or health statis anymore then he knows of yours. Men are a horny species, and lets face it, we all have had our moments when we thru caution to the wind to get off.

You should assume everyone you are not in a long term monogamous relationship with is positive and fuck accordingly. always.

It’s not a matter of trust (though there’s that) but there’s a lot of poz guys out there who truly believe they are neg, whether it be because they haven’t been tested, haven’t been tested recently, or have been tested too close to their infection for the test to have detected it.

As for the home test, I don’t envision neg swabs being sold on eBay as you suggest. But to whom does an HIV test put them in the mood? Also as you mention, if the guy tests positive, to you really think the scene of a hook up is a great spot to get that news? And, a negative HIV test (even if the person actually is negative for HIV) doesn’t mean they are negative for any number of other STDs that could be prevented through proper condom use.

I have a question. What about undectable on meds? HIV is undectable level. Meds have shown in test to prevent spread. African tests with heterosexual couples on meds have sex dont pass to each other nor to child upon pregnancey.

Treatment is part of prevention. If one is undetectable and when taking the swab show negative. Does that happen? The are poz undetecatable, they dont show on the swab test. Nothing is 100% but undectable is less likely to pass on virus than someone who is poz and doesnt know it.

Interesting read: What I find strange, is that men ONLY focus on HIV: What about herpes? If you were born after 1945, YOU HAVE IT! That’s how the medical industry got the smallpox vaccine to vector into the human body. It lies dormant in the meninges of the brain, and once triggered (which is unknown at this point in time as the “why it is”.

If you think that herpes isn’t fatal? Look up “ocular herpes”. And what about the alarming increase in Hepatitis C? No one EVER seems to mention that, and the fatality rate is usually 97% within 3-4 years.

Yet, all this site and other ask is about HIV, thus further polarizing the site and it’s members, just like asking “what is your ancestral heritage” (when it comes to asking what “race you are”.) That just polarizes the gay community, but it’s the site that allows for that vehicle. Odd.

You started out right by saying assume everyone is positive. But it is not productive to demonize HIV+ people and “that one bad seed”. This is the kind of attitude that prevents people from disclosing their status.
If you hook up and have casual sex then each person is equally responsible for his or her own health.

I agree. People can be so shallow these days, they only think in the now. They should be more careful and not taking any chances, leaving the b.b action for the first couple years in a relationship already. Like a special honey moon, with Mr. Right.
Keep writing like that, I appreciate it…

as a poz person, i disclose my status at the beginning of the conversation. If a person has a problem with it then they should speak up or forever hold their peace. Even when the date arrives at my house we tell him we are poz and if he is cool with it, great, if not —the doors that away>>>…also even though he is negative from HIV, he might be a breeding ground of other STD’s. You never know and NO ONE ever lies on A4A..right?

The one issue with this is that assuming someone is positive and know are two different situations when it comes to hooking up. I have undetectable and have safe sex only in my profile. But, still encounter guys that are totally ready to hookup with me, using condoms, but then at the last moment ask me my status. I say undetectable for over a decade and then they turn me down or just stop chatting with me or even block me with no comments at all. So, what is that about? If you truly believe that safe sex is safe and tell guys to assume everyone is positive and act accordingly, then why does it change when you find out the truth. Plus, I have noticed that anyone how list the date of their last HIV test is a barebacker. So, they are much more dangerous to your health than me who practices safe sex always.

so, what i’m thinking is, why not have our results printed on a (universal, medically issued, similar to a license) card from the doctor or organization from where you had your test taken. of course that’s not the ideal scenario, but, consider this .. you’re out .. you meet someone .. you hit it off! just simply ask, “do you have your card”? if he says “yes”, and the guy has been tested twice a year .. well then .. just a thought. if you ask, and he either doesn’t have one, left it home or it’s way out of date .. well then, that’s your call. also, you could do what my partner (joe*happy anniversary*today) and i did .. once you realize you want to be in a relationship .. gird your loins and both get tested together .. and then .. go for it! it worked for us for 17 years! oh yeah, monogamy helps too 😉

This isn’t a safe method to check your hook up partner’s status. These tests detect the body’s antibodies against the virus which take between 3 and 6 months for the body to begin to produce at detectable levels. If an individual is infected with HIV they are able to transmit the virus to others days after exposure. Additionally viral loads will be extremely high the week or two after infection. These tests won’t show that. Believing that they will is putting a lot of people at risk. 3 to 6 months is a lot of potential exposure. Advocating to take a test right before barebacking is extremely irresponsible and I’d hope you edit your post to discuss this.

“If the test result comes back negative then you can probably assume he is negative for HIV.” Incorrect. If he has had other unsafe sex recently, it will not be detected by the test. The “gold standard” is still 3 months of safe sex or celibacy. Frequent testing is still recommended in lieu of this. Do NOT assume anything.

“Are these test results accurate? Can they be fixed, what if someone brings an old negative oral swab with them? I can see it now, old negative results sold on eBay.” Incorrect. After 40 minutes the results are over-developed and no longer accurate.

If a person lies about having HIV n gives it to you that person can go to jail for years, and have to pay damages. If you’ve been fooling around for a long while then it should be ok to try bareback. But like every man or woman out there that aren’t sissies, would beat the shit out of anyone who gives them an STD or HIV. I wouldn’t let someone walk away.

I agree with Jeff … Better to be safe than sorry. Talk is so cheap and anyone can say he’s negative. the scenario here is highly unlikely but it does make a good point: don’t compromise when it comes to your health and safety. Taking medications for the rest of my life to manage a virus doesn’t sound like fun or glamorous to me. Bottom is this: if a guy wants to bone predicated on a recent hiv test, take that as a sign, put on your best pair of Nikes and high tail it out of there.

Well here in Trinidad .. We trinis still have the notion that being gay is a crime far less carrying HIV .. I believe in education and positive communication between both parties .. Of course many of us have threw caution to the wind .. Many of us were even drunk and lost in lust .. But we must still mind of business and remember it’s not safe out there at all.. HIV is a relationship that people are dying to get out off.. Educate yourself and if drunk or high I would abstain from sex that night and watch some porn and get it off but remember these over night test just tickle our imagination that all is well but is it when we can be carrying something else .. In fact all of us could be carrying around things that we don’t even know .. Simple things like a sore throat or even the common cold or anything .. Once there is an exchange of any fluids we are putting ourselves on that line… Because the best company you have with your self is your self …. Another point to note … Can someone start up a blog on what a real gay marriage is all about .. I love my guy and I want to pop the question .. I am so fearful of rejection.. That’s worst that HIV !!!

Leaving your status blank is becoming more and more popular, and I think it’s important. I agree with the philosophy of “assume everyone is poz and act accordingly” so I see no need to post one’s status. Here’s what really bothers me about status disclosure: If someone tells you they are neg, are you going to do something with them you wouldn’t do if they told you they are poz? If so, you are a danger to yourself and your partners. And as someone else pointed out, stating you are neg doesn’t mean you are. Ignoring for the moment that some will simply lie about their status, take in consideration that no one knows they are poz until after the fact: even if you get tested every three months, there is still that window of time where you assumed you were negative without being certain.

The WORST is when people post “Tested neg as of 02/05/2013″ I just laugh, and will often respond “great, I would have happily fucked you raw in 2012, but how many guys have been breeding you since that test?

To “Undetectable,” a person who is positive and undetectable will still test positive on an oral swab. The swab doesn’t detect virus; it detects antibodies to the virus. These antibodies stick around in the body for life after infection, even if the virus has been suppressed to undetectable levels in the blood.

You are correct that HIV transmission was decreased by 96% in heterosexual serodiscordant couples in the HPTN052 trial when the infected partner was taking antiretroviral therapy. We can make a guess that transmission would also be reduced for male-male couples, but the trial did not include male-male couples among its subjects.

I’m POZ and I’m always surprised when Neg guys want to play if I’m in the mood for BB (I know, HIV isn’t the only risk). I never approach neg guys for BB, and assume those who say they are neg who want to BB are lying about their status in their profile. I always warn partners, POZ or neg, before playing, even when playing safe.

As for undectable, the swab will still be POZ if you are undectable. Undetectable only means that the viral count in a blood sample is less than a certain threshold – I think the current value is 50.

There are arguments that someone who is undetectable is as safe to play with bareback as someone who is negative. I forget the specifics of that article on why they thought that.

Ignoring the risk of lying and other diseases, why risk it? I always played safe when I was negative. One time a condom broke, and I lost. I live with it now, of course, but it’s not something I would risk casually with BB sex, undetectable or not, if I was still Negative.

It’s not that the person with HIV is the bad seed, it’s that one of his loads may contain a bad seed. And it only takes one seed (viral count) to transmit to a partner.

Quite frankly, I just don’t think any sexual encounter is worth the risk of any disease. I wrap it up, 100% of the time.

To think that casual bareback sex is even still relevant in 2013 is abhorring. I suppose we as humans just aren’t able to learn from the world around us. Do you really think you are invincible? Sure, you’re a good person- a doctor, a teacher, an uncle, a son, a good friend. But all it takes is one time for you to fuck irresponsibly and you could be stuck with something for the rest of your life, and I DON’T just mean HIV.

Practicing safe sex and having healthy sexual habits is more than just putting on a condom. It is a lifestyle. It means having a rational conversation with your potential partner BEFORE meeting- understanding that safe sex is a must. Being aware of each person’s health/disease statuses. Knowing who will bring the condom. If these conversations happen BEFORE the heat of the moment then you’ve done what you need to to in order to have safe and responsible sex. Having these conversations before sex happens will really allow you to make responsible choices. Otherwise, you could make a passionate decision in the heat of the moment that may be a decision you regret in the morning (or even after the guy leaves) once the heat has died down. That feeling sucks, doesn’t it?

I know I’m going to get heat for some of this from some people on A4A. I just see so many people over and over again make excuses for something when in reality we are the ONLY people making decisions about our lives. This stems beyond sex, in my opinion. Some people in the world continually victimize themselves, and I think those people are the ones who allow bad things to happen to them.

“But he didn’t tell me he was HIV Positive”. Well, did you ask? And even if you did, you still allowed him to fuck you without a condom.

Coming from an HIV+ person, don’t do it as I wish every day that I could go back in time and would have said “NO” to unprotected sex. No matter how lonely you are, unprotected sex is not worth the risk just for a quick hookup. What I find most surprising in profiles are those that state they are “100% safe”, yet will say yes when I ask if they will bareback. There are a lot of nice HIV+ people out there and there is no need to cut them down because of their status. As a hookup once told me before he placed on a condom “why cause us both to worry after this is over”.

Im in a 10 year relationship. My partner stopped having sex with me about three years ago. I’ve played on the side and this year found a guy I really like and we wanted to bb. As always you should assume everyone is positive. We decided that we would like to be exclusive Fbs so we took the 20 minute test together.

I am amazed at the amount of guys that will let someone fuck them raw! And it’s not just young guys.

It can take up to 6 months for a person to seroconvert to positive status. Meaning they could have been infected 5 months ago and still not show up as positive. You can’t assume anyone is negative unless they haven’t had sex in 6 months and then test negative.

Username I agree with you 100 percent! It is very important to ask these questions and protect ourselves. I am surprised at how many guys lie about their age just to have an opportunity to date… I can only imagine how many will lie about their statuses. I personally have been told by a guy that he was negative and when we met in person he informed that he was positive. Sadly to this day his profile still states negative under his status. Guys please be careful but at the end of the day you like what you like

I am poz and undetectable and have taken test where I have shown Neg results also my partner when I met him told me he was neg and later confessed to being poz….ppl say whatever they can to get the price of ass and less ppl seem to care ….also being poz opens you to 20x the risk of picking up more infections both me and my partner have a monogamous relationship and take precautions accordingly
HIV is one thing but multiple infections on top of that NOT NICE!!!
Wrap it up or just jack off or invest in a toy or just stop having anonymous unprotected casual sex

@Randy Drake: I don’t think the phrase “bad seed” was used to refer to Positive guys. Instead, I interpreted as something used by those who are know they are positive and lie about it; or those who are unsure and say they are negative.

That being said, there is an unfortunate situation where positive men are treated as pariahs. I understand the reluctance and refusal to want to engage in a sexual encounter, but the culture on this particular website seems to shun positive guys; although perhaps what I have witnessed is simply regional.

Here it is again…you should never have sex unless it is safe. Life is a risk. Play it safe and live. But what have you sacrificed for “living”. I don’t like plastic up my ass or on my cock. Life is an adventure. It doesn’t have to be filled with restrictions or naivete. Each man has to determine how condomed sex feels to him as opposed to condomless sex. I have more faith in a man telling me the truth about his status than his age. It is illegal to knowingly transmit an infectious disease. Any lawyers in the house? Seems like poz men can fuck bb and they see no consequence. Is there a problem with catching multiple strains? Has this ever been looked into? I don’t think it’s fair to limit the sexual activity of those who are supposedly doing the safe thing. Is there any consequence with other hiv strains in poz infected people? Are breeders the only people who are allowed to have raw sex? I know the consequences of the extremes in these situations. Let’s keep it honest. Can two negative men have raw sex without getting hiv? Of course they can!

Okay so I was in the heat of the moment and ended up having bareback sex with a guy I had hooked up with safely in the past. I was unaware that he was poz. After I came I pulled out and my dick was covered in blood it was freaking me out because blood contact is #1 way to transmit something. Well I asked him and that’s when I found out he was poz. I went straight to my doctor a got put on Truvada for post exposers. $1,200.00. That was a year ago and I still test neg thank god but you never know he looked clean and I figured that he would have told me considering it is illegal to knowingly engage in sexual contact without informing your partner of any transmittable infection (but of course that doesn’t always happen) I used to not worry to much because I’m a top and since I’m not receiving anything in me I’m safe. While its true that being a top has a lower risk of infection, there are always surprises. If I had caught my dick in my zipper that day and had a small cut I could have gotten infected. It just not work 10 min if thrusting a 30sec of pleasure is not worth the infection and I can get there with a condom so I never risk it again.

HMmmm… assume everyone is positive, well in that case when you’re performing oral, you’d better practice “safe oral sex” and use a flavored condom, because you never know whats in someone’s pie hole when you stick your penis inside BAREBACK!…Remember, pie holes can be just as worse as shit holes…Just a little something from Wiki: Chlamydia, human papillomavirus (HPV), gonorrhea, herpes, hepatitis (multiple strains), and other sexually transmitted infections (STIs/STDs)—including HIV—can be transmitted through oral sex. While the exact risk of transmitting HIV through oral sex is unknown, it is generally thought to be lower than other sex practices. The risks from most of these types of infections are generally considered far less than those associated with vaginal or anal sex. Just a little food for thought guys!!!

I think the idea of using technology to minimize risk is a great idea. What the hell do you think condoms are? A 20 minute test is not very practical, but if there was demand for tests like this that would enable people to manage their risk in new ways, they would be developed. But in order for there to be demand, we need *acceptance* by the community most affected by HIV of alternative means of protecting ourselves. Right now, I see the same sort of irrational fear of anything different from the “condom only” part of the gay community as I do from any other “abstinence only” club. The bottom line is–guys already take risks and fuck bareback, so given that they’re going to do that anyway, maybe we should come up with things that they will do?

If people lie especially on these sites about their age, weight, dick size, what they looking for and of course phony pictures what makes you think they telling the truth about their HIV status? I assume everyone is positive and act accordingly and I want people to include that I may be positive too. Even couples who have an “open” relationship are at risk.

I’m a 48 yr old black male. Part of the highest hiv positive cultural segment of the gay society. Those that actually tell me they are positive look at me crazy when i tell them i don’t care. I expect most of the black me i meet to be positive. Most don’t get tested until the end up in the hospital or their girl tells them she has tested positive and take them to be test and fined out their viral load is off the scale and she knows he infected her. Don’t be afraid, just love yourself enough to have safe fun my minority men. Please my latino brothers, get tested. You cultural group is growing fast. I have lived a long sexual life negative and plan on staying this way. Joined me in staying sexually active and negative.

I am negative as is my partner we play safe its not easy sometimes I mean back in the day I loved to be topped by a fay bulging cock and ley him explode inside of my asshole or taking a cock down my throat until I hear his moans getting louder I would shove the cock down my throat as its cumming and keep sucking on it until he pulled his cock free of my hungering mouth but safe sex no cum in outh or ass and that’s final!

Hopefully, one day soon or at least in my life time there will be a way to cure and stop this dreaded disease. Until then, everyone in America needs to be tested annually and safe sex is a must. Once a cure is found, everyone can then have sex as it was intended to be, raw, bareback and natural.

Hopefully, one day soon or at least in my life time there will be a way to cure and stop this dreaded disease. Until then, everyone in America needs to be tested annually and safe sex is a must. Once a cure is found, everyone can then have sex as it was intended to be, raw, bareback and natural.

Anyone who is willing to have unprotected sex is showing you just how little he cares about himself and others and is making it clear that his immediate personal desires are more important to him than the cost of his actions in terms of mental health, physical health, and treatment to himself, you, and society at large. It is both literally and figuratively the ultimate “fuck you, asshole.” Why would you want to have anything to do with anyone so stupid and selfish? Condom use is still the simplest, cheapest, and most effective way to fight the spread of HIV and we’ve all known this for years now, and anyone who tries to argue otherwise is part of the problem. There is nothing “hotter” “sexier” or “better” about unsafe sex despite the massive (and unfortunately successful)campaign to convince us otherwise. It is time to speak up and stop letting these misanthropic assholes have the last word. This disease should have been stopped in its tracks 25 years ago and it would have been but for self centered pricks who refuse to accept the responsibility for protecting both their own health AND the health of others.

I’m negative and I’m looking for bareback. You can assume I’m positive all you want but I take the time to get to know someone before I have sex with them. Unfortunately, most people on websites like these don’t have the patience to get to know someone before they have sex so that’s a contributing factor as well. I might not be getting as much as the rest of you but I know I don’t have to worry about catching anything and that’s good enough for me.

It is so sad to try to have good sex today, with all the risks out there. I have had a pretty wild life in my younger years, and my ‘X’ was a whore, but, I some-how made it through, and tested Hiv- That was last done in Feb. 2013, so, I’m due again, but, I have not had any sexual contact with any-one, but still want to stay clean. I sure miss the old days, though when you could fuck BB, all night or suck all the cock you wanted, and only worried, about clap, crabs, or hep.B. But I made it through, lol, now Cancer will probably kill me, or a Stroke! Oh, the irony of death. We all have that to face eventually anyway.

So why do I see in some gay porn movies guys using a condom to fuck and then taking it off and cumming in the guys mouth. I would suppose you could get AIDS from giving a guy head as well as from barebacking. True ???

It’s amazing how much the LGBT community wants funding for the HIV Inc yet LGBT mega groups never call out any LGBT media or businesses that glorify and profit off of BB sex.

Regarding House of Numbers, if you really think HIV is a hoax your obviously entitled to think that. However, unless you also want to risk getting warts or shit-dick then condoms are still valuable in casual sex.

The smartest thing to do is use a condom until you’re in an LTR and then test with your partner. Then, just like heteros, you’ll have to decide whether to trust your LTR lover or not.

In this bad economy, with so many cuts to HIV services, getting HIV is really bad.

Unfortunately, too many young kids only get sex ed from sites like xtube where bb sex is glorified.

It is amazing how much the LGBT community wants funding for the HIV Inc yet LGBT mega groups never call out any LGBT media or businesses that glorify and profit off of BB sex.

Regarding House of Numbers, if you really think HIV is a hoax your obviously entitled to think that. However, unless you also want to risk getting warts or shit-dick then condoms are still valuable in casual sex.

The smartest thing to do is use a condom until you’re in an LTR and then test with your partner. Then, just like heteros, you’ll have to decide whether to trust your LTR lover or not.

In this bad economy, with so many cuts to HIV services, getting HIV is really bad.

Unfortunately, too many young kids only get sex ed from sites like xtube where bb sex is glorified.

As a long-term survivor of the HIV/AIDS crisis, I think we all, poz and negative alike, need to step back and remember that we, each one of us ourselves, need to take full responsibility for our own actions when it comes to sex. I don’t personally have my hiv status listed on the profile, but I am honest about it before I ever meet up with a guy. In part, I had a recent problem with a less than friendly gay man who went behind my back and mentioned, even showed my profile to other gay men in a public setting…back when my hiv status was listed. For me, it woke me up to the reality that while there are many friendly hiv negative guys willing to give poz men a chance, there are still plenty of bad apples out there within the gay community just waiting to give others a reason to spread hate and ignorance. In my eyes, its no ones business whether a person is poz or negative unless both agree to engage in sex. And like mentioned before, we should always assume the sexual partner is positive unless you both have been tested together several times. We all need to be better educated, weigh the pros and cons about safe v.s. unsafe, and again, take full responsibility for our sexual choices.

I literally just had a hot, young guy ask me if I bareback, then when I told him I am poz, he wasn’t interested. We chatted back and forth briefly. He’s under the impression that it would completely be the other guys’ fault if they gave him HIV and he would bear no responsibility. Wtf?

I don’t believe in HIV. I believe its a hoax and a bunch of lies fed to gay communities to fill the pockets of pharmaceutical companies. Also those tests aren’t accurate and should be banned. Men in the 80’s didn’t die of the disease, they were poisoned by the drugs given to them. No you will never have a vaccine for HIV when there was no proof of it that it ever existed. People live in fear and profit from those who are scared to death. Other STDs like gonorrhea, syphilis, chlamydia are quite real. Those have been picture proven. No journal of medicine has EVER produced a photo of an actual HIV virus. And with all the BILLIONS of dollars collected for research, no real progress is made. Poppers, now that’s a problem that will strip your immune system and make any man sick. Learn the truth, question everything and stop living in the shadows of fear.

Some people enjoy being stuck on stupid. There is nothing wrong with enjoying sex. It’s natural after all. What IS wrong is a person not getting tested or purposely spreading STDs. It’s also illegal. If you got infected and you want to get revenge on society by infecting others, then you are one hell of a monster and pretty much fall under the same category as any sexual predator or serial killers, child molesters, rapists, and murderers. HIV is not the only STD to worry about. There are new strains of drug resistant gonorrhea being spread around. Protect yourself and each other from STDs.

Unfortunately men will lie when it comes to HIV status just to get a little piece. What’s even more astounding is that there are also a lot of neg guys out there who WANT to contract HIV (aka bug chasers). Many times you get an eye roll or an irritated sigh when you ask a guy to put on a condom, let alone take an HIV test. Of the great number of guys that I have hooked up with on A4A who had “Safe Sex Only” listed as their preferred sexual practice, only about 10% of those men actually used condoms. The rest chose to bareback, not even discussing the issue. What’s really sad is that guys like me who list “Anything Goes” are bombarded with lectures and ridicule from guys who don’t approve. Hey, at least I am up-front (and always have been) about my sexual practice and never once lied about it to get someone in the sack. Barebacking: Risky? Yes. Having to apologize for being honest about it? No.

I love this site, and have been looking at and chatting with the guys on here for years. This is what I do instead of sex. I have had my entire life destroyed by HIV, not from being ill but because I lost many many loved ones and friends. Today, like many others, it’s the OTHER stuff that I fear. And I truly loved to do it unprotected, but thought as a top I was not vulnerable. Ooops! Back then they also said you couldn’t get it orally. We know SO much more now, but the opposing forces of libido and discipline get their balance upset when alcohol or other things are in the mix. I have plenty self-control until the 4th scotch.

I personally believe that HIV is one of the biggest sensationalized epidemics in gay culture right now. People are so afraid of contracting it, however so many either never change their sexual habits. Or they become more relaxed in practicing safe sex. I personally have lost several guys in my life simply because of the fact that I refuse to have unsafe sex. Even in a committed relationship. Because you are never with that person 24 hours a day. And I cannot trust the remainder of my life to one person like that. Protecting myself has become such an overwhelming and at times daunting task. That I sometimes feel like I’m losing out on the enjoyment of life.

I agree with many of you. I believe the status should be removed from the a4a profile. It is very misleading and promotes unsafe sex. I agree with thoses that say everyone should be treated as poz. This will cause them to take proper precautions if they really want to. Many times I tell people my status and they still want to BB.

There are also those times when I mentioned my status and guys just stopped talking or even blocked me. It didn’t bother me because those are the ones that will eventually test poz. Guys would rather you lie so you two can carry out your sexual desires. And if something happens they can blame you as if you raped them. I told a guy I met and he rejected me only to come back to me for support when he tested poz a year later. And to this day still have neg in his profile.

I think we all are our first line of defense of whatever happens to us. I became infected the very first time I was penetrated by a guy. I was very upset with myself not the guy. Although I told him after the fact he mentioned he was also. I didn’t get mad at him or even ask him if he knew. Because it didn’t matter because I had already taken responsibility of what I done to myself.

As a married hi male, I.am surprised by the number of married men willing to have bb sex. it is just not worth the risk. I used to fuck a btm bb but he ended up poz (not from me). I researched my risk as a top and decided more bb period. I also get tested regularly.

I assume everybody I meet has the potential to be carrying some type of STD. However, I engage in sex despite that belief. In reality there is no “safe sex only safer sex.” I don’t believe that 95% of folks lie about their STD status. I like to think that most people simply don’t know. For example, many women have carried STDs that have made them sterile, and never knew the cause, but unintentionally infected others. Yes, there are some malevolent people who’re out to hurt others, but that number is small. If you are a sexually active human being, and have had sex, the risk for an STD infection exists. In my region, the Heps out weigh the risks of HIV, but both can be fatal. Honestly, I engage in BB sex, know the risk and shoulder the consequences. If something unfortunate should happen, I will not blame others for my actions. Grow up: In today’s world, If you fuck without protection, and get infected, its your fault because you made the choice to fuck without protection. You know the risks. Nonetheless, if I were to be become infected with an incurable STD, full disclosure would rule the day, and most likely I would stop having sex.

WOW! This has been one of the most interesting a4a articles in a while……followed by a wide range of valid points/feedback from a4a members.

I have to agree that we can’t demonize men with HIV. HOWEVER, I do think honesty is the best policy. Being open and upfront about your intentions and knowing the current status of your health are very important.

99% of the people I’ve met on here are fakes, liars, want money, etc. You cannot trust them. Dick size is always at least two inches shorter than what they advertise. I have been on here four or five years and have yet to meet an honest person, so why should I believe their HIV status? Practice safe sex; use a condom. I’m still waiting for the 1% to show up. Contact me if you are in the 1%.

I assume everybody I meet has the potential to be carrying some type of STD. However, I engage in sex despite that belief. In reality there is no “safe sex only safer sex.” I don’t believe that 95% of folks lie about there STD status. I like to think that most people simply don’t know. For example, many women have carried STDs that made them sterile, and never knew the cause, but unintentionally infected others. Yes, there are some malevolent people who’re out to hurt others, but that number is small. If you are a sexually active human being, and have had sex with others, the risk for an STD infection exists. In my region, the Heps out weigh the risks of HIV, but both can be fatal. Honestly, I engage in BB sex, know the risk and shoulder the consequences. If something unfortunate should happen, I will not blame others for my actions. Grow up: In today’s world, If you fuck without protection, and get infected, its your fault because you made the choice to fuck without protection. You know the risks. Nonetheless, if I were to be become infected with an incurable STD, full disclosure would rule the day, and most likely I would stop having sex.

After reading this I laugh because you can tell who is poz who is neg who doesn’t know and who doesn’t care . I do feel that it’s wrong to shut a guy down because ge is poz but I do feel that it is a SILLY thing to lie or hide your status just because you don’t want people to turn you do. And it has alot to do with negative people bashing postive people that reaction to a poz guy puts them in hiding not saying it’s right but become aware of your actions . But I do feel that being poz is your issue and you can deal with that with yourself and lie and hide from yourself but when you bring in another person it’s wrong. It’s sad who gay people wanna be treat equal but we don’t even treat each other equal how can they treat us equal if we can’t . Change your out look on life … And educate yourself on awareness . And if you have watch the other side of aids on YouTube then you should right now

Yea ill admit barebacking is one of my vices..but i do it knowing the risks,ive been barebacking for 8 years now,still hiv neg and ddf..have no idea why..anyway..it can be a touchy subject..and yea alot of guys who bareback will say theyre neg when theyre really poz..which is messed up..but who am i to judge..

What I’ve found is NONE of the men I have casual sex with even ask me to put on a condom. A discussion of HIV never happens (and it should). I’m the one who has to put on the brakes and whip out the condom. These men meekly allow me to wear one and then we go ahead and fuck. Still, I’m amazed and terrified at the casual attitude towards barebacking.

And the cliché line: “I’m DDF and I want to stay that way” Please! I don’t know anybody who’s living with HIV who is tickled pink about it.

HIV drugs are working so well that the best looking men can be chronically ill and you’d never know by looking. And that is another pet peeve: For you men with HIV you are not “healthy” because your viral load is undetectable. You remain ill; only your quality of life is not so compromised.

What I find funny, how we always talk bout HIV and less about the other STI/STD’s. There has been a reported outbreak of m meningitis and syphilis, both which can long lasting health affects. One syphillis can be contracted through unprotected oral sex.

Clearly engaging in BB sex is a gamble. One MUST TAKE FULL RESOPSIBILTY IN THE ROLE THEY PLAYED. I hate it when guys cry about becoming newly infected and say “he should’ve told me”. Yes thats very true but, when you allow a person you know of have known to have unprotected anal sex. you have just put a bullet in the gun and play Russian roulette. Theres always a chance some one cheated and if you love yourself, you shouldnt put yourself in a position where you could get ANYTHING!

So, for has the “bad apples”;as the author put it, there none, only individuals who make bad choices and should accept that sometimes they can come up short.

In closing I would like to see more discussion on contraction of ALL STI/STD’s, because we are living in a world where HIV is NOT a deatlh senstence, but the contraction of other STD/STI’s are increasing putting not just the gay community, but the whole world at risk. Let’s discuss on ways to enjoy the sex we like safely, take owership in the poor choices we make, stop polarzing the gay community into, “negs” &”poz”. But come together has a heatier community.

I’ll leave with this did you know you can get gonorrhea, chlamydia, syphilis and herpes from a simple blowjob! And that you should wash
your hands after taking off a used condom, BEFORE CLEANING YOUR DICK! Most guy dont know, but if you had PROTECTED sex with a guy, but take off the condom and washes his dick without sterilizing his hands, he potentially pass gonorrhea, chlamydia, herpes to himself
from the dirty condom. So, wash your hands after taking off a use condom, BEFORE your touch your dick!!!!

This entire blog is ridiculous. Guys always say “safe only,” then they do unprotected oral sex. (guys just gotta do oral without a condom, just gotta do it for some reason)! Sure syphillis and gonorrhea can be cured, but hepatitis B has ramifications for years, and herpes is incurable. All easily transmitted through oral. And I have never met a doctor who will guarantee oral sex is 100% safe, truly safe sex, from hiv. Why kid yourselves? (answer, again, we just gotta do oral sex without a rubber). A guy says he is neg, we suck his dick. A guy says he is poz, rarely do we suck it. So we believe them for oral sex, but not for anal sex. Funny how we create our own convenient definitions of safe sex. Now for me, it’s always a rubber. So I have zero need to keep getting tested. And, if I don’t trust a guy, I don’t have sex with him, at all. Sounds like the bunch of you have sex with people you really don’t trust. Interesting….

Of course people lie about HIV status…..
How many DL men are married and taking it up the bum from other men?
How many Bi guys actually tell women they are Bi?
They lie about their age, weight and dick size. They have photos that aren’t even really them, all just to make them more appealing.
I used to have my true age and weight, at 40, nobody was interested…. At 36 I get response after response. Men are superficial.
Men that say they are negative, when actually positive or have any other STD and knowingly lie about it should be arrested.
Of course not all people know…
Personally, I don’t have anal unless I have monogamy, so it’s been over 10 years, but there is so much more that can be done, at a much lower risk.
It does come down to that though, a risk is a risk. Know what you could be potentially getting yourself into.
Personally, I’d rather not suck a dick that was covered with a condom. I might as well suck a dildo…. But I enjoy a nice dick in my mouth and take that chance. I don’t swallow (much) and I use mouth wash after.
My chances for HIV are lower, but yes other STDs are still at risk. But I take that chance, just as every other man that is having sex with another. Its Human nature.

As far as trust on the web site, the only one you can truly trust are the profiles who sate “poz” or “don’t know”. I respect those guys who are so honest. And go from there.
I can not even begin to tell you how many asses I have been staring at and the guy turns around and asks “your clean right?” Just before putting it in to him.
If you get in to it,testing can have false results, actual results may not appear for 6months, the guy in the lab may have fucked up the test…possibilities are endless. I you get tested and the next day you have sex (j/o, oral, fucking …his cock and you anyway shape or form) there is a possibility(sometimes real slim) you can contact the HIV (not to mention other std) virus. Focus on routs of exposure – cuts, eyes, mouth, ass etc. there is no certainty. Thereby having ANY kind of sex NULLIFIES your last test! If you bought a brand new car and drove it a mile, and sold it, it’s no longer a brand new car.
As far as the guys in a monogamous relationship dating or married…are you sure? NO gay man has ever cheated behind his partners back right.
Condoms …it says it on every condom I have ever opened “dose not garentee the prevention of stds, it’s there for a reason. Are guys using them right? Yeah, you can put I’m on wrong. Has it been in his wallet since high school, expiration date? Are you using lube or spit? The get hot and tear. What about the guy who grabbed the condom out of the fish bowl at the gay bar and the hand in there before him had a pin in it poking lil holes in them. What I tell all the young bottoms is for them to supply the condom an put it on the guy. That way they know its NEW and applied right.

What it comes down to is trust vs sex. Put um on the scale in the heat of the passionate moment and see which side the scale tips to. Trust is an amazing thing! Is the guy fucking you trustworthy?

Gay men ought begin to think of themselves as humans, with feelings, and love, and health, and immortality. Spiritually, we ought think of each other. However, often times we come across a guy who may say “I’m the LTR-type,” another lie prevails, then on to the next hookup. Couples, partners, bisexual men are nowadays perpetuate the situation. On A4A, I receive as many hits from “not out,” “married, but a bottom,” “poz guys who only want black tops,” and the list goes on.

More articles like yours should be published for they help us look inside ourselves. Personally, I’d like the next guy that I have intercourse, kissing, or oral sex with to be my one and only guy, until the end of times.

to me its a deal breaker if they even ‘prefer’ to bareback…
too many times has the chemistry been right, attraction is there, condoms are there…but they just prefer bareback. Seems like people are selfish and dont want to take the time or effort to protect one another

There are several people I’ve met on A4A who’ve asked me to bb without a condom. Once I actually did bb, but I was so scared I immediately went to the clinic the next day and got tested. Thankfully, All was neg. However, even though I went bareback once I will never bareback again. It’s a risk no one should take no matter if the other person claims HIV neg. Like other comments, HIV isn’t the only infection a person can get so please wrap it up guys.

People are responsible for their own actions is the argument so many people like to make and I agree to a certain extent. Sites like Adam4Adam do so much less than they could when it comes to promoting safer sex.

Ads from “bug chasers” and people who want “poz” “breed” or “gift” others need to be banned as do ads promoting bareback porn. There is a whole sick subculture of people who live to see HIV negative people end up sick.

I LOVE to bareback. Sex with a condom is like fat free dessert, you save the calories , but do you really enjoy it? If I become poz I’d hate it, but I’d deal with it and move on to bb sex with other poz guys. Funny, only as gays/bi’s do we have to politicize sex. We accept the stigma of the “gay plague” that the heterosexual society puts on us and go out and bash those who are poz. Life isn’t safe people. Decide if you’re going to live it for a PRESUMABLY long time with training wheels or enjoy the hell out of it the unknown amount of time we have on this planet. And for you safe-sex preachy types-when that speeding bus is about to smash you out of existence , think back how happy you were that you didn’t bareback.

I’ve heard several complaints from guys who say that they love the feeling of BB, but can’t get that from a condom.
Have you tried a non-latex condom? There are condoms on the market made from a material called nitrile. They are ultra-thin, they don’t break, and they feel great. I’d say they feel pretty darn close to wearing nothing.
I play wrapped, and if my play buddy can’t deal with it, we can just jack off and call it a night.

I guess I am one of the fortunate ones, if you want to call it that. People who are HIV+ seems to be demonized by society (especially black gay men). I’ve had unprotected sex with a few partners and I don’t feel bad about it. I am still HIV-, as I get tested twice a year so that I can be honest about status. I am not trying to catch HIV, but if I do, I will own up to it. There a lot of gay men out there who purposely try to affect people with the virus, but it is also up to the other individual as well. I don’t get angry if I were lied to, because I was okay with having sex without a condom. It may be a matter of time that I will test positive or maybe not. It is not a bad person disease. I know a lot of negative guys who are very bad people. We all make choices in our lives. After 30 years of HIV/AIDS, we have learned that it is no longer a death sentence. There are other sexual transmitted diseases out there that people don’t seem to care to discuss. People are too quick to judge HIV+ people. I respect and commend those who use condoms 100% of the time while with multiple partners. However, do not put yourself above others who don’t. Again, it’s that person choice. Not to get too political, the fight against HIV has become very questionable to me and many others. The origin of its development and those groups of people that it attacked in mass numbers in 1980s seem very targeted.

While the opener was good, this was a VERY irresponsibly written article. First off, you’re saying that being HIV+ is grounds to walk away from a hookup, but you don’t mention how using protection with someone who is undetectable is safer than having bareback sex with someone who tells you they’re negative…I’ve had oral and safer sex with guys who I knew were positive beforehand and as of my most recent test (about a month ago) I’m still negative.

Secondly, it’s incredibly boneheaded to hookup with someone bareback right after they’ve tested negative. Testing negative at that point just means that whatever activities they were doing a few months ago didn’t transmit the virus. There’s still the possibility that they contracted the virus within the last couple of weeks but the antibodies were formed enough to be detected by a test like OraQuick.

Also, let’s stop pretending like HIV is the only STD we need to worry about.

Lots of misleading information in this post. The best practice, if you’re someone who really just enjoys casual sex (like myself), is to research and assess the risks, assume everyone is poz (like this article mentions before it goes off the deep end), and act accordingly. Ultimately, it’s your life, your health and your responsibility.

can’t imagine asking a guy to do a 20 minute antibody test when he shows up. also can’t imagine a guy showing up and asking me to take the same test. either way, someone better be prepared to do some counselling no matter what the result

I read in the medical literature that over 60% of all infections occur when the person believes they are negative but simply has not YET tested positive. I think better safe than sorry is a good starting point … the only difference between STD and STUD is U

fucking RAW is normal. heteros do it too. i choose not to wear a condom. thats my business. a person can still bareback without exchanging bodily fluids. i always ask the other person if then wanna fuck raw. they let me know. its not complicated.

First of all. its down right stupid to Bareback even if two guys are neg. you can get ecoli infections from barebacking. Also one should in mind that a lot of guys do and will lie about their status.

Equally so there are many who don’t care if they catch HIV or not. Many of the attitudes in guys under 40 are something like “oh well if I get HIV I’ll just take pills and be fine…”

Second… The home test kits may be old and may not produce an accurate result. One should never rely on a home test kit. Sometimes HIV will not show up in the blood stream for up to 6 months in some cases.

A guy could have gone out the night before or even a few weeks before and unknowingly contracted HIV. I would not trust a home test kit for accurate results.

Third, Condoms may provide good protection, Keep in mind they do break… One should educate themselves about safe sex. Protect yourself and others. Learn about HIV and the medications…. Some Medications cause many side affects. One Side affect is somewhat disfiguring its called Lipo Distrophy. It’s not pretty. So anyone who thinks Getting HIV is no big deal. Think Again!!!

I don’t put my testing dates in my profile because I want to give people a false confidence that they and I can fuck raw without reasonable fear of consequence; for that matter, I’m not implicitly encouraging peeps to have natural sex with me, on the mere merit of the presence of those numbers (which could, very well, be falsified anyway)

Rather, I volunteer to supply my testing dates in my profiles simply because I want guys
• to know that I am making some form of an attempt at being responsible, towards the regards of staying abreast of my status (both STD-wise and HIV-wise), and
• to hopefully be alleviated from some of their fear that I am one of those fellows who absolutely has no idea, and no apparent concern about, what may be swimming around in his body

I don’t like using condoms for oral sex; unwrapped oral sex is not a completely risk-free activity; and, even under the most optimal of circumstances, our current prophylactic technology remains “not 100% effective” in preventing disease-transmission from insertive sex — as I’ve stated in other forums, not a single one of us can know if we may be that “1%” for whom the protection fails ….. therefore, I believe it makes sense that any and every sexually-active person, who wishes to try claiming STD-free status, ought to get himself tested regularly, if he was ever “within eyesight” (even once) of anything potentially infective from another person
He should do this, irrespective of of any open windows, of the employed-testing method, through which a marauder may easily climb
(Just.. ..make an effort, and let others know you care enough, even if only to lie about caring!)

Which, actually, leads me to another point I wish to make: all it takes is “exposure.” The context of the exposure is irrelevant. I.e., no ‘bumping of nasties’ is needed to become infected. You don’t even have to be the person who’d been intimate with the infected person, to become the latest casualty. All it takes is that “< 1%" chance, right?
Who should be so arrogant, as to presume he may never be that “unlucky one”?
But. . .I’ll proceed to re-limit the scope of my argument here, to encompass only those individuals who engage in acts of sexual congress with an HIV-positive person — a simple handjob, granted to a person so-infected thus, theoretically, can be life-altering.
That unknown and unseen wound on the skin of the hand or the wrist, and a high-enough viral load, suffices for transmission and infection.
If we’re going to be “purists” about these sorts of things: then I feel that, as a general rule, allowing another guy’s jizz to make contact on your body merits a “no questions to be asked” submittal of one’s self for an HIV-antibody screening, in 2 – 3 months from the occurrence of the incident; it’s not all about having seed shot up the ass, getting Spunk splash over some microscopic tears on the skin of the dick (or balls), or having germs travel up through the urethra, either
Some day in the distant future, if HIV is still around (and continues being incurable), when testing affordably allows for it: detection may be made before the virus can no longer be “shook away” from its host

Enzo, I completely apprehend that the “giving dates” system can be abused, for a myriad of purposes, and in a variety of manners; however, similar to the many possibilities which this Abuse may present itself, there are still a good amount of diverse, constructive reasons for being upfront with this information.
By all means, please continue feeling free to voice your critiques for those who are fucking things up, but don’t lump the rest of us (whomever we might be) into their category either.

Disease can’t really be avoided, unless you are non-existent; conversely, just being alive puts us at risk for catching all kinds of ailments which may, later on, be spread to others through the act of Nookie.
Not even abstinence is a 100% catch-all method of avoiding this fate, at present. (If one wishes to test this, he needs only consider the random maniac, with a penchant for wreaking wanton destruction: running around with an inoculating device, and ensuring that any one of us can become that “0.001% exception to the rule.”
It is not to be automatically assumed the victims shall know, with magical-immediacy, they are now a Carrier, after the attack. It definitely shouldn’t be presumed that they, the nouveau Patient Zeros, won’t ensnare others before they are cured.
If they can be cured.)
Abstinence is the next-best, and most obvious, course to take for avoiding sexually-transmittable disease. True. But, I’m also sure you’re a realistic fellow.
As things are now, the overall-risk for becoming diseased from sexxing is relatively-low enough; in light of this knowledge, many of us naturally will opt to roll the dice in pursuit of some “play time.”
And not living in fear of being “That One Exception” is fine; but thinking that wearing a condom is enough to circumvent Malady, every time, is also dangerous thinking.
(One bad apple definitely spoils our bunch.)
So, using condoms, and exercising very clinical approaches,—that ensure minimal exposure to potentially-infectious agents,—during acts of intimacy, seems to be the next-best compromise to make, towards not placing any new “burdens” upon one’s self.
But.. ..”clinical” and “pleasurable sex” rarely make a good couple.

Ne, Enzo-san?

(sorry for the rant
do with this as you will
i guess i just felt more passion about This than originally expected

Since the early 90’s I’ve made the assumption that everyone is positive and acted accordingly. I’ve even told people that was the safest way to function and I’m interested to see it in print somewhere. There is still a huge prejudice in the world against positive individuals and I can see why someone might not list their status. I think that’s one of the reasons I assume that everyone is + and just make sure that if we are going to do anything other than safe sex, it’s bagged and safe. It’s worked for years and hopefully will work for many more. Best of luck but bareback is like playing Russian Roulette.

For years I have been led to believe that it is next to impossible to catch a case of HIV through oral sex, unless you have open sores in your mouth or cuts in there..And who would wanna suck cock if they had those things in their mouths..I suck as much cock without protection on it as I possibly can,and have never caught ANYTHING this way…and believe me, I do get tested for all STD’s at least once a year if not more often….My ass is another story..That is reserved for SPECIAL guys only …which means I have not had it that way since 2009..I used to be strictly a TOP, but things change over the years…Now i mainly only suck cock..I deepthroat ballz deep and swallow every drop I can get…One commenter commented that sucking a dick with a condom on it you may as well suck a dildo..and i have to agree there is NO SUBSTITUTE for a hot big one down your throat unloading his seed into your hungry waiting mouth..I made it through the 80’s when at last 10 of my “buddies” were diagnosed as positive and died from HIV…Back then i did everything with everybody, yet somehow I escaped the disease…I get tested no matter how active I am, but the fact still remains it is next to impossible to catch HIV from oral sex even if you do swallow.I have asked many doctors about this issue and they all seem to agree on this issue….there are enzymes in saliva that tend to stop it in it’s tracks and if that isn’t enough your stomach acid certainly does the trick..So, no rubber covered cocks for this cock sucker…ever!! And if i ever DO find the right guy to let into my ass again, I am gonna be damn well certain that I am not gonna catch anything from him!

Ass fucking is not the only unsafe act. Men need to ask questions and get to know their men a few weeks not just a few hours before partaking of lustful pleasures! I recently had a man mention the rapid HIV test and i thought this is a good thing. Sex is a healthy part of life but no one should lose site of what’s most important; “If you don’t take care of yourself no one else will”!

I’m a nurse. In a small urban area noted for gangs and a lot of sexual transmitted diseases. I have a lot of experience on HIV. A lot of people think that two positive man can have sex. This is not true because the bottom well become resistant to HIV medication.

The dumbest comment of the decade goes to Barelover, who believes HIV and AID is a vast government conspiracy. Your lack of medical knowledge borders on the frightening and you’re the reason why straight people say gays are the ones that spread HIV around the population. Congratulations on failing at life. You must be so proud.

I bareback. I know I shouldn’t and I know that one of these days, my luck is going to run out and I’m going to get something that a trip to the free clinic isn’t going to cure.

Here’s the thing, though — it’s not as though I’m going out and barebacking every guy I meet. Hell, I talk to a LOT of guys, but meet so few; even then, sex is rarely on the agenda. So I spend a lot of time chatting about stuff, especially sexual history and the like. I’ll ask the testing/HIV/”What do you do?” question a few times in different ways. Do I think that’s going to get me the truth every time? No, but even the best liars trip themselves up at some point; it’s a matter of being observant when they do.

I didn’t even mean to start barebacking, but one of my longtime fuckbuddies and I were in bed and we just started talking about it and finally we agreed to try it. It was like opening up Pandora’s Box (not the drag queen, for those confused by the reference, LOL) — it felt AMAZING and the fact that we’d say goodbye to each other when it was over and I had his load in my guts…indescribable. I think THAT’S one of the big attractions for guys who bareback, top or bottom — it’s the knowledge that there’s something literally passing between two people (or more if you want to get piggy). But that’s just my take.

I do it more than I did. I’d say about 1/2 of my fuckbuddies and I BB now, but of those ones BB’ing with me, I’m their only male outlet…that I know of. (Given their background and limited hooking-up time, I’m inclined to believe them.) I want to be good and be safe. But…I don’t know. My time will come, I guess.

For the record, I am STD-free. I’ve had the clap and stuff but like I mentioned, the free clinic’s treated me and I’m fine. So that’s got to mean something.

I didn’t read all the comments, I’ll admit. But I loved the one by James. My take is this, for myself alone: Condoms just don’t work for me. I can’t find one that I don’t break (brand, size, etc, they just all break) as a top, and I can’t stand them as a bottom. I stopped having sex at all for years, and it made me pretty miserable. It’s no longer something I’m willing to go without, and it got so bad denying myself that contact that I feel it’s worth the risk.

To those that feel HIV is a hoax, thank you for showing just how truly batshit insane even the gay community has become with weird paranoia, and I would sincerely and enthusiastically laugh to read of your succumbing to the disease.

I have chosen to be a bareback bottom, as a result I am HIV+, undetectable. When I made the choice I was fully aware of the risk involved. Gentlemen, you are responsible for your own well being. Thinking that every guy you fuck is going to tell you the truth about his hiv status is really stupid. If your goal is to avoid hiv, don’t have sex or have monogamous relationship with another guy who has been proven HIV-. The home test idea is cool but it is not everyone will be for it. I always have my status on an y site I join. its just common courtesy.

Blog, I was referring to personal ads from bug chasers and you know that! There is so much more a4a can do to keep people safe yet they choose not to do it.

One of the biggest lies a4a claims is that they can’t filter the bareback porn, as a person who has owned several websites I call bullshit on a4a’s claim that it would be too hard for a4a to make changes to the ads they allow. The simple truth is a4a is unwilling because sex sells, hardcore sex sells even better!

My other issue is that a4a refuses to remove personal ads that clearly state an intent to infect a person with HIV or become infected with HIV. I see the removal of such ads as a public health service and while no one can stop the stupidity of others, this might give people the time to think about their actions and make better choices.

a4a can claim they are doing all they can do to promote safer sex I don’t buy that. Posting a health blog from time to time seems to be more of a suggestion from a lawyer than anything else. I want to see real changes on this site that actually promotes a safer sex environment.

We dont look at the ads that are posted on our site….imagine if we would look at all the ads around the world ? You think craigslist does check all the ads? C’mon dude…
Take responsabilities for your own shit man, dont blame A4A all the time.
Every time there is a post about HIV you blame A4A…
A4A is a free site, we dont have 250 employees like the competition. We are 20!
We cannot look at all the photos posted, all the ads, all the text that everyone writes on their profile… 8 millions + profiles… U kidding me?
Dave

First I want to say that I believe removing the HIV status section from a4a is horrible idea. There are some of us out there that make it very clear that we are positive. My profile (atomickiwis) makes it crystal clear. What’s sad though is how much people that are having bb sex and claiming to neg treat honest openly poz guys like lepers. I understand you think you’re safe because you always ask, but unless you’re a Dr or a psychic how do really know if you can trust a stranger? Secondly, I’ve said it before on here and ill say it again. Stop bullying members of your own community. You have no right to treat all poz guys like shit just because of a few bad apples. That would be like me being a jerk to all feminine guys just because 1 offended me. (So never happened, just an example) the point is people don’t even really chat with poz guys on here because of some ridiculous fears and stereotypes. I’ve been poz 5 years. The second I got home from that appointment I switched my profile to poz. If anything on here needs to change its peoples attitudes. Yes, I do agree that safer sex will help the spread of HIV and other stds, but I’m also not going to judge those that do bb. That would be hypocritical considering I have obviously done it given my status. All I’m saying is if your going have unprotected sex you are half responsible for the outcome of it, whether you stay neg or end up poz. You never know if the person has been tested or if they had bb sex since their test.
We’re all adults here, lets take responsibility for our own decisions and stop blaming/bullying other’s.

I’m OK with the fact that many of us think like children but I can’t believe the divisive vitriol we allow ourselves to internalize and which we allow to turn us against one another. Look above yourselves and see who is pulling all of our strings. We shouldn’t be fighting each other, in any form for any reason because we can’t afford to.
You should bear responsibility for what is yours but do not take responsibility for what you don’t understand.
People have been heaping a lot of blame on us as a community until it is natural for us to blame ourselves and our lovers out of habit. But look around you. Don’t take everything at face value. We’re not out of the woods, yet. You’re not free until you understand yourself sufficiently to assert and defend your rights on every level. Now, think about it: Is there something in all these decades of parading and partying and protesting that we neglected to explore and take ownership of?
Why do we say we are “born the way we are?”
How do you articulate what that means?
I guarantee you, someone else understands you better than you do and we would all do well to catch up to their level.
None of us should apologize for following our instincts but few of us understand this. You should love yourself and the person(s) you want to make love to enough to see the importance of looking into everything. Take care of yourself so you can take care of each other!
No body we look to to take care of us is giving us what we deserve.
Safe sex is as easy as hygiene and a rational, functional understanding of anatomy and general biology. And school won’t teach you the truth about everything you need to know to be independent, so you have to learn for yourself.
Condoms will not “protect” you from everything you’re supposed to be afraid of (not even your own shadow). They may have their place where cleanliness is desired, but they can also “protect” you from experiencing the reason why you are the way you are.
Not knowing how our urges work keeps us from working together.
We cannot become leaders within the medical establishment (for the same reason women can’t) but we are free to play their clinical game wherein sexual guilt is reinforced by a system of punitive “diseases” that “smite” us with an invisible hand for our “sins.”
We internalize our sense of condemnation and turn it on each other out of ignorance. But our urges persist because they are natural and nature is waiting on us figure ourselves out so that we can do better.
We can do better than this.

Going to a doctor who uses jargon you can’t understand is like being an animal taking himself to a veterinarian and expecting to be treated like a human being. Well, animals don’t talk and you can do pretty much anything to them and they’ll never tell, let alone know the difference. Animals can also be easily turned against each other by their master. They always trust the wrong people and they never stick together.

Why is it not a problem to take the time to cruise and to purchase & apply lube/poppers/gear/drugs/etc. but always too much time/trouble to use a condom?

I defy any bottom without a true latex allergy to be able to identify in a blind test whether the dick in his ass is wrapped or unwrapped. (There are alternatives available for those with latex allergies.)

Why is it so important to discredit safer sex that invariably the discussion turns to arguing “safe” vs “safer?” Why do there exist terms such as “condom Nazi,” “condom queen” etc.?

To Scott “fucking raw is NORMAL” “fucking RAW = normal:” Technically if one were to study all fucking that occurs in the world then statistically “normal = fucking a vagina.” Do you use lube when you fuck? I suspect that fucking with lube would probably be statistically not normal compared to fucking without. “Normal” is what you make it, so stop co-opting the word in your fight against those who promote safer sex.

Similarly, what makes unsafe sex more “natural” or “real?”

In the end each of us is individually responsible for our own health, and no amount of societal or legal shaming will change that. I am the only person who can absolutely protect my health. Does this remove any and all responsibility toward others, specifically others with whom we engage in what all agree to be a vital and enjoyable mutual activity? While I know that I can count on only myself it would be helpful if I didn’t have to fight so many in what is supposed to be my own community.

Why is it so important to so many gay men to try to discourage what is still the cheapest, simplest, and most reliable means we have to fight HIV/AIDS?

Best article yet that i’ve read. Outstanding! Yet I don’t encourage people to do test in their home with “dates” (Strangers)… Might not be a good idea for several reasons… In any case, this blog is very compelling… Good job…

It’s sad that the conversation about HIV/AIDS is still stuck in 1985, when people were dropping like flies. I only skimmed the 111 posts, but the only one I saw that had any facts in his post was Rob.

The HIV test tests for antibodies, not viral particles. Antibodies are produced by body’s immune system as a reaction against the virus in an attempt to attack it and clear the virus from the body. It can take up to 6 months for the body to develop this reaction. So if you TESTED negative on 6/1/2013, it means you WERE negative on 12/31/2012. It does not mean you are HIV- now. There is no way of knowing you are HIV- now. In other words, there is a 6 month delay between being HIV neg. and testing HIV neg.

A person is not “undetectable”. This muddle-headed language is spreading confusion. A person has an undetectable viral load. This refers to a test (which is very expensive and is only used on HIV+ patients) that directly tests the concentration of viral copies per volume of blood serum. This is called the viral load test. There is a limit to the precision of this test, so if the concentration is below the sensitivity of the test, the viral load is termed, “undetectable.” It does not mean that there is no virus, just that there is not enough for the test to detect it. Logically, the more virus, the more contagious; the less virus, the less contagious.

The main route of transmission of HIV is promiscuity. This is true for all STDs. The best protection against it is celibacy. This is not an opinion, this is just pure knowledge. Not liking a fact does not make it less a fact, but not acknowledging a fact does affect one’s sanity and intelligence for the better. Condoms don’t make promiscuous sex safe, but used correctly, they sure make it a hell of a lot safer than “barebacking.” They also help against other STDs. Condoms make sex feel less intimate for some people. Perhaps those people should try talking and spending quality time with their partners if they seek intimacy, instead of having random sex with strangers. Not judging, just explaining. If you’re malnourished and need nutritious food, ice cream and soda pop are not going to help you, even though it might take away the pangs.

What is also unhelpful is bigotry and rudeness. Putting down and shunning HIV positive people, while, again, might give the hater a sense of superiority and feel like a shield of protectiveness, it’s actually counter-productive. It encourages poz guys to lie about their hiv status and hide, as much as it encourages neg guys to gloat about theirs and lie to themselves about how much better they are than the rest of us. In some municipalities, it might be illegal to lie about one’s hiv status. I am personally unaware of any such laws anywhere, but that does not mean it is not so. However, I am aware than in all of the cultures around the world I’ve experienced — and as someone who has immigrated and traveled around the world, I am familiar with many, from East Asia to Western Europe and all of North America — arrogance and intolerance are considered grave sins, an ethical and spiritual failing, far worse than lying. No one is “DDF”. Every human on this planet carries a viral parasite of one form or another. No one gets off this planet alive.

We all have a responsibility to be healthy and encourage other people to be healthy. Being a man means taking on responsibility. It means you don’t blame other people for what happens to you, good or bad, right or wrong, positive or negative. Man up, boys.

You are far more likely to get HIV from someone who tells you he is HIV- than someone who tells you he is HIV+. Seriously, just think about that for a minute. Imagine both situations. One makes you think you have a get-out-jail-free card, the other humbles you. Why do children make better students than teenagers? Because they are humble. You can’t learn unless you are both humble and silent.

Unfortunately, we’ll continue to go round and round like Groundhog Day 1985 until we stop bitching and blaming, and start having a conversation; until we can fuck less and hug more.

Blog, I take responsibility for my own actions. However A4A has a social responsibility they are ignoring. When a 22 year old kid puts a personal ad on a4a seeking out to be infected with HIV a4a has a responsibility to pull such a personal ad. Also it is hypocritical to have bareback porn ads then turn around and have a blog to supposedly promote safer sex.

Jason: Like we said many many mnay many many MANY times, actually everytime you post this comment on our blog, we say the same thing. When you see a movie in which people take drugs, do you take drugs after the movie? If you watch a tv show where the main character jump over a bridge, will you do the same the next day? It is the same thing here. Use your head! That’s all!
Dave

Blog: There is a social responsibility, that is the truth. You should practice what you preach on some level. While the “if you see this, will you then go do it” fits here, there is the “your company message should represent the ideas you want people to follow. I think the idea of bareback sex with someone you don’t know is incredibly stupid and careless. It isn’t just HIV as everyone knows, so this doesn’t solve the bareback problem. Yet you present it like it is. “oh, well if someone does this test and passes, it’s okay to bareback”. No, it isn’t. It’s this sexual obsession and bareback carelessness that is part of society’s reason for not liking us. I don’t blame them, if you aren’t smart enough to use a condom when having sex with a random person, then yeah, you kind of have it coming if you pick something up. You should have been smarter and not been so horny that you couldn’t think straight, actually think with your head, not your cock and you’ll make better decisions. The number of gay men that are unwilling to make smart decisions so that they can fuck someone is amazing and it makes me rather embarrassed to be gay sometimes. No, it’s never happened to me. I’ve never been so desperate to have sex with someone that I forgot a condom, so don’t try and use that argument. My health is more important than sex.

There is something very obvious about biology which doesn’t require a lab technician to explain, or any jargon, for that matter. There is nothing wrong with sex and there is certainly nothing deadly about it. But there is something dangerous about it to a society that thrives on division.
The punitive disease structures of the CDC should be easy to see through just by looking at the first women’s “disease” placed conspicuously at the top of their agenda.
Or did anyone forget this was a man’s world?
If you don’t see what has happened to the gay community, by virtue of the very things we are allowing ourselves to be manipulated into saying against one another and against ourselves, then we’re all in deep trouble.
Please, never parade again pretending that you are free and never claim to love yourselves or one another until you find out why you should.

is there really a safe sex practice…i love oral sex, and only with certain guys i will let them cum in my mouth and swallow, but i am concern sometimes if a guy has other problems can that be passed thru oral sex if you don’t bb or do anal sex?

Honestly…..it dont matter. Because people are gonna do what they please to get pleased. Now i play safe or bare. But i have two partners i go bare with. Because we all have sex together, get tested together, and only fuck each other bare. Simple. Its not about safety anymore. Its about we’re adults and we should know what our health is. Its taboo, risky, stupid. But also pleasuring, easier, and more fun. So i say if your ready for the risk then do what you do. Lets be real. Porn has made it ok for bareback sex. Why? Who doesn’t wanna get fucked or fuck like a porn star?!

Well, in my opinion, Bareback Sex has ALWAYS looked freaking hot, and I would gladly LOVE to bareback…..but this is where my TRUE opinion comes in. With all the bastards out there that Lie about their HIV/STD status are out there just so they can have the excuse of not using a condom, it makes Barebacking for me, just a fantasy. If there was more honesty and actually showing that we’re truly clean, then I would GLADLY bareback everytime!