What Makes a Winner

For women, I think the strongest contestants have the following characteristics: long hair, petite, professional but non-threatening job, 26-28, and in terms of geography, from the coasts (but not New York), or from a larger midwest city.

I’ve been operating under these assumptions for years, and it has been purely anecdotal, so I decided to put these theories to the test and do a review of past Bachelor winners (Bachelorette winners to follow in a separate post). I limited it to 2010 forward, because this show has been on forever and no one has time for that.

Bachelor 14 – Jake Pavelka

I hate to start with Jake Pavelka because he might be my least favorite bachelor of all time, but I made the rules so here we go. At the time of his season, Jake was a 32-year old pilot from Dallas, Texas. He picked the villain of his season, Vienna Girardi.

When I searched for Vienna’s job, her “nose job” was the top hit

Vienna was from Sanford, FL, was only 24 when she won, and had no discernible job or career. She was an ex-Hooters waitress. Vienna does not fit into my theory, besides the fact that she had long hair and was petite. Because it’s my theory and I want to be right, I’m going to go to the runner-up for this season, Tenley Molzhan. Everyone wanted Jake to pick Tenley, and it’s easy to see why:

Tenley, aka Disney Princess

Tenley was a more respectable 26, from California, and worked as a dancer. But not a dancer for Hooters, a dancer for Disney. She also moonlighted as a literal Disney Princess at Disneyland. Basically, Jake picked wrong, but spared Tenley from having to put up with him, so win for Tenley!

Bachelor 15 – Brad Womack (second time)

Brad Womack is next on the list. He is the only bachelor who has had the opportunity to do it twice, after picking no one in his first season. Brad was 38 at the time of filming, and was a bar owner from Austin, Texas. Brad picked the adorable Emily Maynard:

Doesn’t she look the part?

Emily was a single mother with a tragic backstory. She was 25, lived in Charleston, South Carolina, and worked as a Children’s Hospital Event Planner. She is also tiny, and has long hair. Check, check, check.

Bachelor 16 – Ben Flajnik

Ben came next. He hailed from San Francisco and was a 28-year old winemaker. He picked his season’s villain as well – Courtney Robertson.

Courtney, our first brunette!

Courtney basically fit the part. She was the right age, right look, was a model, and lived in Santa Monica, California. She was a bit taller than my theory would allow for, but she was also a model, so I call that even. Check.

Bachelor 17 – Sean Lowe

Sean was a 28-year old insurance salesman, ALSO from Texas. Lots of Texas guys. He picked that season’s dark horse, Catherine Giudici. Catherine came from Seattle, Washington (coast), was a graphic designer (professional job but no grad school required), had lovely long hair, and was also quite petite. But, plot twist, she is half Filipino!

Long hair don’t care

Fun fact: Catherine and Sean are also the only successful couple that will be featured today.

Bachelor 18 – Juan Pablo Galavis

Ugh, Juan Pablo. My second least favorite bachelor. Juan Pablo was a 32-year old former professional soccer player from Miami, Florida. He was basically the worst. He picked Nikki Ferrell, a 26-year old (check), pediatric nurse (check), from Kansas City, Missouri (check).

Long hair, check.

Theory still in tact, even though that relationship crashed and burned.

Bachelor 19 – Chris Soules

I also did not love this season. This was a bad stretch. Chris was a 33-year old farmer from Arlington, Iowa. He picked Whitney Bischoff, a 29-year old fertility nurse from Chicago, Illinois.

Look at those barrel curls

She’s a year older than my theory would allow, but she fills the rest of the criteria. These ladies are starting to look the same to me.

Bachelor 20 – Ben Higgins

Ben was a 26-year old software salesman from Denver, Colorado. He was a great bachelor. Thank you, Ben, for saving us.

I think my theory is mostly in tact. Once you put these women next to each other, you can start to see the trends. So many petite, blonde women! So much mermaid hair!

It’s interesting to put this information together and see what it means for what makes the quintessential wife. These women all have jobs that are professional (besides Vienna), but not threatening. Many of them work in supportive types of jobs, like nursing, charity, or part of other aspects of the service industry. However, there aren’t any teachers on this list. There aren’t many southern women, and there are no women from small southern towns. On the other side of the spectrum, there are no winners from New York. Or Boston, or Washington D.C.

What does this say about what makes the perfect partner, at least for this show? It may be too small of a sample size, but I’ll put my money on the petite blonde contestant with long hair, who works in an industry that is professional but does not require graduate school, and is flexible in terms of geography (not a lawyer, for example). I also always pick the contestants who come from the following cities: Seattle, Portland, Chicago, Atlanta – and also Los Angeles after I weed out the ones in the entertainment industry.

Breakdown of the men to follow – let’s see if my theories hold true there!