an engineer who loves polish, cats, typography, robots, and many, many other things

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For one thing, their polishes were originally mostly/only available in a beauty subscription box, which is a thing that mostly means “overpriced and mediocre” but whatever we can talk about it later. Which, fine. Don’t care, you can get them elsewhere now. But even so… they are so expensive per actual nail painting! I mean I know I said I don’t really care about price/oz but I do not like to be insulted.

But I wanted to be objectively fair, so, inspired by my favorite beauty blog and/or my actual background as a researcher, I did some data analysis, based on: (1) what was within arms’ reach, plus (2): what prices I roughly remembered paying and/or Google suggested ish.

So yeah: Julep is officially insane. They have sales all the time, but, but… I mean come on. Julep I can do basic math! Surprisingly many adults can do basic math. Plus your stupid long skinny bottle gets knocked over easily. But then my friend N came over with her enormous collection of Julep polishes, two of which she insisted looked better on me. So now I have some Julep nail polish after all. Ehn.

Julep Cassie:

Indoors. Blurry but faaiirrlly color-accurate?

I actually liked the color, both indoors and out; I rarely wear pink, but this is a warm-toned and (IMO) atypically sophisticated variant. The formula was somewhat sheer… this is three thick coats, and it could probably have used another but I ran out of patience. Of course, the next morning I got interested in…

Sally Hansen Sparkling:

Pink glitter! With a Cassie accent nail, just so you can see it in (overcast) daylight.

I think they work together really well, actually. I was really pleased with the effect.

This week was loooong. (This update is long.) My paper, getting yelled at, my video card catching fire,* getting up early at 8:30 to go to an all-day language workshop, spending all day downtown meeting with a company… but a lot of it was jerbs. Researching and negotiating, but also worrying. I put a lot of energy into worrying this week! A lot.

Well:

Paper’s in. And I think it’s pretty good.

I (still) hate getting yelled at.

New video card ordered. (Thank you, adviser L.)

Language workshop (annual regional thing, maybe 100 people?) was awesome.** Mostly because of the research/social catchup, but at least two really good talks.

Company is a startup working on elder care robots, which coincidentally is what I do! (It’s not a coincidence. They’ve gotten my name from a number of people.) I see future collaborations there.

And jerbs. Ah, jerbs.

I now have an offer from my second choice (henceforth “U”) and a possibly-soon-offer from my first choice (henceforth “G”). U called this morning to offer me everything I asked for, pretty much; I said I’d answer them Thursday. I’m not going to wait/keep them waiting forever on a maybe, and y’know… if it’s a mistake, I’ll try again. There are very few irrevocable decisions in life.

I’m exhausted. I need to clarify about Zoya but… tomorrow.

I put a cushion in my usual pix spot, and now it is a kitty/sunbeam spot that,
as it happens, is close enough for skritches. It is possible all subsequent
natural light photos will be fashionably framed against a background of
white fur. In this case I can absolutely guarantee it is cruelty-free.

Oh and this weekend I am going to try to move to WordPress. Bulletins as events warrant.

* Okay, it only scorched and let out the Magic Smoke, but once the smoke’s out the magic is gone, so that’s enough really.

** At the workshop, I ran into the director of the one and only company (not school) I applied to (they didn’t call me). He asked how it was going; I told him where I’d gone and what offers I had. He was skeptical (“Wait… in, like, Iowa?”), then shocked (“That’s not normal. Is it? Is that normal in this market?”). So, in the general spirit of managing my job search with maturity and grace, neener neener should’ve called me back, ppthblth. ^_^

A bit ago, I asked my sister what color I should paint my nails, and she said gunmetal gray. This is taking a while because I apparently have too many dark gray polishes! I wanted to post these two together.

Sinful Colors Winter Wonderland:

Dark gray or maybe black, with a bazillionlittle blue and gold shimmer particles.

Since these were taken in very different lighting, I painted my ring finger with Winter Wonderland and left the rest Secret Admirer.

Yyyyyeah.

I mean, you can kind of see the difference. WW reads as paler and a bit bluer. But come on, this is kind of ridiculous. It’s the same brand! They’re both very pretty, and they both look like macadam to me (although I don’t think of macadam as “pretty,” really, so that’s a bit weird).

Okay, I have a real post (several) in the pipeline, but I wanted to get this out there real quick. Zoya is an expensive-ish brand of nail polish, out of my price range usually, but once a year, for Earth day, they do an exchange – (almost) everything half price, and you can send them unwanted bottles of polish to dispose of in an environmentally appropriate way. I am planning to buy me some Zoya!

Why am I telling you this? Well, because there are a lot of polishes to choose from. Like… a lot. And, as with the repeat wearings of polishes, I end up pretty much just choosing the same colors over and over when shopping. (I have so much teal…)

I am the one behind the monitor waggling toysat him. So basically my life is awesome despiteadvisers, because… I mean look at him.

So if any of you wanted to nail shop vicariously through me (or, actually through me, I guess), you could go to this page right here and choose some stuff for me to buy. And to subsequently put on my body.* Or your body. Or Mr. Fix-It’s body! Heck, I’m easy.

* Edited to add after questions. Yes, I will totally buy polishes you suggest ironically, and I will wear them. And furthermore, I will make them look good. Hit me.

Yesterday was super bad. DF really gave me a hard time… I was going to say “earful,” but it was mostly about how disappointed he is and how unhappy he is with where we are and how he really thought I could do better; it’s not like he actually yelled at me.

What are you supposed to say to stuff like that? “You should have done this” is an engage-able statement, even if my response is “I know, I’m sorry.” (Or, you know, “Here’s why.”) But “I am disappointed” is inarguable, non-discussible. I don’t even know how to apologize to that. I don’t know what to do, except mope around feeling like I should withdraw all my job applications and go make jewellery and sell it on Etsy except I’d probably suck at that too.

So… rough day.

(oh also I got my AAAI camera-ready in and it’s good but whatever because of how much of a disappointment I am.)

Furthermore, Mr. Fix-It was supposed to fly in last night, but Delta decided he needed to spend another day in Austin and take another workday off for flying. *Deltaaaa*(shakes fist on top of hill, backlit against a darkening sky)

Rrrgh bitch bitch bitch. But now I am going to stop.

Dr. P said she found blue lips, well, hard to reconcile. But I’ve decided they’re actually a pretty good color on me, and fairly flattering. Know what makes me say so? This:

OCC lip tar in Traffic. Special FX hair dye has a shadecalled “Yellow as F@#!” (I’m not censoring, that’s thename), which would be more appropriate I think.

Now that is goofy and hard to reconcile. This stuff makes me feel like I could wear the blue to work!

Talked to #2U today, negotiating startup packages and salary. I thought it went super well actually, although talking about money and salaries is stressful, but I think I did ok. I will have enough, when all’s said and done, so… ok.

Work is otherwise stupid stressful. (Since I started this post I had a Skype call. Yes, at 2am; yes with unhappy adviser man.) Adviser D is not happy with me for how little I’ve gotten done. I’ve been trying to balance “job hunt” and “graduate” with research, but, well. He does not think I have done it well. And the things I have not done yet for the camera-ready tomorrow are unacceptable (“he is very disappointed and not happy”). (Those are not paraphrase quotes, just what he said.)

I am ready to be the boss of me. If I blow it, I blow it for myself, sort of thing. Also [whole separate post about anxiety, stay tuned]

Meanwhile! As much as I love nail polish, y’know what’s better? Being a special effect is better.

I split the base pack with a friend: red, blue, yellow, white, black. The yellow and white are somewhat not opaque enough (CLOWN pix come soon), but even so, this is remarkable. The blue coat was one thin layer… probably like 50 atoms of product! I mean ok not literally, but it is so weirdly little. I kept wanting to put unnecessarily more on.

PROS: mix goos to make any color ever. Opaque. Lovely. Nonstaining.

CONS: expensive (ish). Some colors feather.

I’m looking forward to playing with these!

* Monty Python ref. No? Either:1 (it is baffling) look up more Monty Python humor, it is hilarious.2 (it is not funny) ok, not everyone likes Monty Python.3 (what are you even on about) get off my lawn! You dang kids! (Until you have looked up “Monty Python” in your Wikipedia or DangKidipedia or whatever, I don’t even care, then see 1)

Shots taken while balancing weird grip arenoticeably blurrier! Or maybe I was justsleep-deprived, who knows.

But… I mean, come on. They’re both teal foils. They’re both good coaters that are prone to showing brushstrokes. I don’t quite feel the need to get rid of one, but knowing what I now know, I probably wouldn’t have grabbed both. (And that’s actually rather saying something.)

I know a lot of you reading already know this, but I have something of an obsession with copper. It’s not my fault! It’s genetic! Passed from my grandmother through my mother to me.

I like lots of copper.

I like amazingly new, weirdly super-pink copper. I like more often-encountered, beautiful oxidized copper. I even think verdigris is pretty cool, personally. Not surprisingly, this has joined forces with my nail polish obsession. I will buy pretty much any damn thing that is copper, or coppery, or copper-ish, or SAYS copper. Sadly, in nail polish as in life, there’s a shockingly lame level of access to copper things! (give me more copper earrings or give me death)

ANY way. I started seeing things on the nail-o-blaggityblog-o-sphere about a copper polish, Essie Penny Talk, which is outside my usual price range but cooopperr. So I ordered it, got the bottle, and it was clearly gold. I mean look:

Essie Penny Talk:

I even whined to Mr. Fix-It, andhe was all “Uh…hm. Gold is nice?”So I put it on my nails.

So I put on my new gold nail polish. Which did go on gold …until it wasn’t. Like the weirdness of Push’n’Shove, over about a minute or two, it slooowly changed (cured?), until I was looking at this:

So I really like Penny Talk! But I didn’t top coat it, and like most foils, it chips if you move your hand through oxygen molecules, and after a day the edges were all ragged and sucky. So I addedOPI Gaining Mole-mentum:

Up close you can see that it’s made of little shard glitters in gold, silver and copper.

From a little further away you can see thatit’s just sort of… confused sparkle?

I dunno. When I did Rouge Rush, also with shard glitter, I liked the depth and the almost-flaky-level glow? So I thought I would give this a try. But I’m not so sure. Also, layering it over copper made the copper glitter vanish, which I did not care for. So I’ll try it over something else before I do anything drastic.

Here’s where I was yesterday, ‘k? You can just scroll down to the kitty if that’s your gig.

It feels weirdly like asking a girl I’m really, really into on a date, waiting nervously in a state between excitement and terror, and expecting a no. Anticipation of rejection, disappointment, trying to not give up, and a general feeling that I’ll never be happy again, no matter how many fish other people claim are in the sea – all overlaid by the grownup-brain that tells me I’m over-reacting to the point of being absurd, I don’t even have an answer yet. I know I’m being absurd, but the feelings are real. Stupid meat feelz.

Here’s where I am now, which is much better:

#4 (my second choice) is making me an offer – on unanimous vote, which is insane. Engineers don’t DO unanimous. I will take their offer, probs, because apparently they really want me there AND I want to be there. #4 is amazing and wants me and is very close to Dr. P and Dr. D. I can make this work.

And:

My call with #3 (Dream Job) was the most encouraging rejection I’ve ever received. The chair actually called, and made a point of saying that: 1, it was razor-thin between me and the offer; 2, I was the only finalist who was NOT a postdoc; 3, zhe loves my research and will visit me regularly to talk and collaborate, because zhe spends a lot of time in the city I’m headed to.

So… yeah; #3 is turning me down, unless some mystery dude gets a “yes” from CMU in a couple-three weeks AND I am not yet committed to #4. But! Instead of being crushed, my status now is: I could live in a familiar town with access to family and friends who are amazing researchers, where I will do research with people who super value me! And hey. Who knows what the future will bring?

The worst possible outcome now is awesome. Awesome like kitties in sunbeams, which is to say, very, very awesome.

So I was talking to Super Woman a few days ago, and at some point asked her, “Hey, what color should I paint my nails?”

To which she responded, enthusiastically, “Blue with black stripes!!”

Er. Well… I do have striping tape, which is basically the world’s thinnest masking tape. (Well, it’s mylar.) I’ve tried to use it a handful of times, with no success. But this time I had a Directive, by god.

This is my fourth and final attempt:

Blue! With black stripes.

Bonus thumbs! …look, it’s hard taking pictures of your own hands.

And I think I got it working!

This is not the shade of blue I was planning to use. What I’ve read about striping tape is that you need to pull it off when the polish is either really wet or really, really dry; I found that only “really wet” worked, possibly because I had so many layers of polish going on. Basically I found that I needed something that could be opaque over black in a single not-too-thick layer, and what I found was Physicians Formula Trendsetter Chic #2. Most of my other blues needed either multiple layers or white undies.*

This is layered over Sinful Colors Black on Black. I refuse to do a PWI. It’s… it’s black. It looks black? But it IS a one-coater.

So yeah! I dunno if I nailed it exactly? But I made stripes, by gum!

In other, lamer news, Interview #3 (nickname: Dream Job) has made an offer to someone else, which he is planning to take. I haven’t officially been told “no” yet – I have a phone call tomorrow – but right now, smart money’s on “SIGH”. I have officially set aside time to sulk.

For those who are following along at home, here’s the interview scorecard:

1 (R) – A good school, a decent interview. I wasn’t smitten, and I doubt they were. I didn’t make a fool of myself but I don’t expect followup.

2 (F) – A fantastic research fit, but a social fit that really concerned me. OTOH, they made me an offer, and they offered me the moon and the stars. If they want me that badly, I’m willing to try to make it work.

3 (G) – A fantastic research fit. A fantastic social fit. A fantastic place. I would sell… something important to work there. They loved me, too; they told me so. But they’ve interviewed some truly amazing people, and it’s all down to the shouting, now. It’s an engineering department. There will be shouting. (But please, please, please?)

4 (U) – Smaller school, less of a research fit, but I would fill some painfully obvious holes they have, and socially it was awesome. People were direct, honest, forthright, and kind. I enjoyed the heck out of my visit and I would work there if they offered. Also, the closest to Super Woman and Dr. D of anyplace I interviewed.

I expected to hear from #3 today, but didn’t. I actually managed to work myself into a state where I was womity just from nerves. Finally I said screw it and fell back to my usual reaction to adversity: sulking and nausea.

And, oh, food. Coq au vin (traditional style, so it took 4 hours), cauliflower puree, skinned drumsticks in batches in the freezer, and oven-roasted Brussels sprouts in brown sugar and bacon glaze. (Um… I have leftovers… help?) I actually managed to fight down the urge to call an impromptu dinner party and make everyone individual Cornish game hens, but it was a near thing.

And, as happens when the going gets confusing and adult, I have been painting the crap out of my nails. It is consequence free.

Today’s offering is Sally Hansen Grape Going!:

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Reddish purple! [hand tilt] Bluish purple! …am I more excited than this warrants?

A blue-purple duochrome,* which is pretty awesome. That said, it has some problems. One is sheerness, as this is like 4-5 coats, meaning way more chances to screw up.

The second, and far worse, is how subtle the color shift actually is. I needed this super-direct setting-sun light to get a real purple – the mildly uninteresting mid-tone blue on the right is more the default look.

Anyway! Tomorrow I will hear something maybe or maybe not! Please, um, just please cross your fingers, or pray, or whatever your superstition is and all, or nothing. Just… please.

* Two different colors in different lights / at different angles. The word is also used for polishes that shift among >2 colors, which makes Grammar Hulk aaaangry because it should obviously be multichrome. You wouldn’t like me when I‘m… using the red pen

1. One is always looking for the perfect, flattering, amazing red polish. (And lipstick!)2. People* are Concerned that red polish may make one look Fast, and, perhaps, Loose.**

That said, one of my oldest polish acquisitions is…

O•P•I Red.

Red. This shot makes it look pinkish maybe? But it’s so primary,unapologetically red. Maybe a hair blue leaning? It’s not 3-freeor 5-free or vegan or whatever, and I know there’s a newer versionthat is, but this is my canonical and beloved Fast Lady red.

There’s a new post-reformulation red. I feel like I ought to try it, I guess. Because I am not completely happy with my existing, classic, vampy, and hot red.†

Anyway! There are only about 4, 5 “nail art” things I’d be interested in? The simple ones! So I am interested in the “glitter gradient.” Basically, you take a glitter polish with medium-to-bad coverage, and paint it in receding layers, so a gradient comes out. Which is my thing!

The glitter is two things: JANE Megawatt – which is the solid glitter on my index finger – and Pure Ice Bare It All. They are identical. Weirdly so – they are both gold glitter with random copper glits. The PI BiA has thicker coverage, so that’s a difference, the only one. I’ma get rid of one, probably the Pure Ice, because it’s less usable for gradients.

My index finger is the Pure Ice. Less gradient-y but otherwise identical.

But anyway: RED.

* To a certain Type of Person, don’t you know. (The kind that sits on hiring committees.)** …why? Red? It’s a color? I don’t… even…† Yeah, no, I really am.

I’ve been rocking the Interview Nails for like… three weeks or summat. And it is terribly dull to be honest, I mean mannequin hands are kind of fun but for heavens’ sake. So you know what that means (or will by the next sentence): nail color blowout!

Wheeeee! …I don’t know if I’ll wear this to work tomorrow. (I don’t even know if I’m going to work tomorrow.) But honestly I love the fact that I can have this little brainstorm, poke around in my stash, and accomplish it.‡

Indirect sunlight! It’s, ahm, not very different. But it was awesome of Mr. Fix-It to take pictures.

Okay, next is cooking many foods, answering many emails, deciding many things. But loooook I can make rainbows!

* Yes a number of things were liberated from the PWI bin to make this happen! The daylight shot is SC Enchanted, because by morning I had dinged my pinky. …somehow?
** A shimmer because I still don’t have a real green creme rrrrr. Also, I did not make this name up. †THIS is the one-pass nail-staining monstrosity! Rrrrrrrrrrr… but it does work here 😛†† There’s a sticky spot where the label came off… dude I’ma be honest. This is another probably-10-20 year old polish, I am sure it doesn’t exist any more in this formulation, and I only used it because my even older OPI Red was stuck closed. It’s red, ok? ‡ Except for green, dammit! And, uh. That one teal I ran out for. Shhh.

Maaaan all that interviewing stuff was crazy. And, contrary to my expectations, it’s kind of ongoing! I had a phone thing with someone from Place #3 this morning, and I’m expecting to have another with #2 shortly… it’s complicated, is all. I plan to post more (spoilers: #4 was great and #3 was a-MAYY-ziiinng), but I kind of think I write in this blog because nail polish is easy and super fun for me, and I could so use that right now.

So here’s a thing that happened before I went off to get my brains scrambled interviewed.

Rimmel London Pink-A-Boo and Sunny Days:

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I tried to use these colors as a half-moon mani, but everything went wrong. …everything. I don’t wanna talk about it. (Okay since you insist the yellow isstreaky and transparent and the pink dings if you look at it funny which I did youcan see it and everything gets everywhere after like 9 coats of polish, aaarrrgh!)

The yellow, uh. Needs a lot of coats. But it’s a very true yellow! The pink’s fine, very very pink, but fine. After a complete fail of a half-moon manicure, I decided to go with rocking the asymmetry, which I kind of always love:

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Mr. Fix-It took photos! With my crappy cameraphone! I do not think he cared for it at all!

Since Mr. Fix-it made me realize I have no lavender nail polish (huh?), I obviously needed to buy nail polish. Obviously! Rimmel London makes these little $2 bottles – they’re really small, actually, 8 mls instead of 18? But I have literally never once used up a bottle of polish (except, like, base coat), so I really don’t give a crap about the per-ounce price.

Rambling! Rimmel London Sweet Lavender:

Honestly it’s more lavender in person. A little bluer, a little dustier, but it’s fine! Because I’ve sorta reached détente with my phone on color.** Translation: it wins, while I secretly pine for a camera manufactured by Pantone.**** Not that secretly. Mr. F and I just talked for 20 minutes about what that would be.

I’m (semi)-unexpectedly home for a day plus a bit, so I’m screwing around… quite a lot actually. Because (1) it relieves stress, and (2) my talk is done. Done done. No more practicing, no more fussing with it. It’s as good as I can make it at the moment, I’ve practiced giving it… it’s done. Which hasn’t been true for the previous, what, two months?

I realized in the course of looking at this that I don’t really have any pastel colors. I mean maybe a couple accidental ones, but on the scale of my polish-buying, that’s odd! Also, I realized that lavender doesn’t actually suit me. The pic looks okay, but even Mr. Fix-It agreed that in person it looked off.

SO I am going to buy pastel colors and see what happens!

Meanwhile: the whole season-based color thing is a bit passé! But, because pastels are usually associated with spring/summer coloring, I decided to try a thing. I went and took every online test I could easily find about seasonal coloring…

Ok that’s not quite true. We should talk methodology. Which kind of takes us to another post.

It was definitely better than the first one. But… I’m not sure the culture is a good fit, and I’m not sure I’m at the right stage in my career. It’s a university-affiliated research institute, and I could apparently be jointly appointed with a (tenure-track) position at the university.

That is an amazing offer. Amazing.

But trying to get tenure in %50 or %70 of my time sounds very, very difficult. To succeed at both that and the institute’s needs, I have to be beyond “above average for junior faculty” (already f’ing hard). I have to be a freaking star.

On the other hand, the research is an excellent fit. They’re right to want me, given their needs, and there are people there I could totally work with. Would be overjoyed to work with! Hell, my first day there they brought in an ISS vet! (It may not have come up, but I am a squealing and unapologetic space fangirl.)

I’m trying not to dither about it, because until they make me an offer, and someone else makes me an offer, and so on and so forth, it’s pointless – the decision tree is too deep right now.

I’m sorry I’m being kinda cagey with details. I would hardly describe this blog as anonymous (although I’m thinking about how I want to handle it), but I am trying to avoid anything Google-able for now, especially by, say, interviewers!

I have three interviews in the next 2 weeks, so… posts are likely to flag a bit, I guess. Or, um, a lot. Please just cross fingers for me to get an awesome job somewhere (first talk’s in 4 hours!) and there will be content again shortly.

The other day I found that my grocery store has green olives stuffed with feta cheese, AND green olives stuffed with raw garlic, which I am now happily alternating. I thought about entitling this post “How to never be kissed again.”

I recently mentioned my random bottle-grab Smush as a dumb name for a color. But then it was on the surface, so here’s Urban Outfitters Smush:

Indoors, obv. This didn’t stay on long enough for a daytimeshot! Read on to find out why I have one weird green nail…

I was applying this, and I was thinking, “Seafoam, hm hm, seafoam… … didn’t I just do an Urban Outfitters seafoam color? Is this a PWI fail?”

So of course I looked in the box, and discovered that UO Girrl Like You is a green seafoam, not a blue seafoam. Silly me! Hence the accent nail, for comparison purposes.

I’ve a bit of a dilemma. Smush is a cool color, something I would like to have, but the formula is god-awful. It’s streaky, chalky, draggy and miserable. This is three coats, and the pinky still has a drag line; I chose the accent nail because the middle finger had the worst coverage. I did not enjoy playing with this polish, which is super unusual! Keep or ditch, keep or ditch? Either way it’s hall of shame.

“Half moons” (those white arcs at the base of your fingertips) are often re-represented on nails in a variety of silly colors. Traditionally this is done by masking off the base of your nails with these:

Which is, you know, pretty amusing.

I’ve tried this look before, but since I exclusively use peel-off base coat,* I always end up just peeling off the entire nail’s polish. ANY way, the other day I was reading some blog about nails (don’t remember whose, sorry!) and the blogger said something like, “Then I put hole reinforcements on my nails, being sure to stick them to the back of my hand first of course…”

Of course.

So obvious in retrospect. I mean if I had really sat down and formulated the question as “How do I make these less sticky,” I would have answered it immediately. Formulating the right question when you see a problem is, sometimes, the only hard thing. Or even realizing you should treat it as a solvable problem. Engineering is hard!

But! It means you get to see my first ever successful (ish) half moons.

Here’s Urban Outfitters Bandeau:

Indoor. I doooon’t need a new camera (I don’t) butwould a lamp be such a bad idea? …I’m doomed

Which is a fairly nice purple creme; 2 coats. In low light it reads as black, in bright light it looks about like this, satiny dark purple. In sunlight, however, it is glowingly purple, as shown below. The odd, slightly satiny finish is accurate.

With Sinful Colors Frenzy, a nice purple-and-plum glitter.

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Purple! Indirect sunlight/direct sunlight. Glitter’s hard to take a good picture of.I feel like I would need a star filter or something. For the camera. That I don’t need.

I don’t think this color choice was that successful. I’m not sure why, but it feels off from a bit of distance. Dunno! Maybe I’m just not used to it. Also, waiting for three layers of Frenzy to dry was kind of awful; next time I want something fast for that part. The stickers did pull some of the Bandeau up, I’m guessing because it wasn’t fully dry.

Interested in the mechanics and some chemistry of nail-painting? Possibly not! Feel free to move on. BUT if you are interested, here are some deets of how it all works! Actually, all the deets. Good grief. Deets are long

Polarity! Broadly, liquids come in polar (molecules have a magnetic positive and negative), and non-polar (they don’t). Water is polar; acetone and other nail polish solvents are non-polar. Nail polish floats on water like oil. This will matter.

Three peel-off base coats, a regular base coat, and two fast-dry top coats. Ingeneral, for any given painting of my nails, I will use one from each category.(PS: augh augh now I’m noticing the numbers don’t line up augh)

So the nitty gritty!

First step, for me, is always a peel-off base coat. They don’t last anywhere near as long, and the failure mode is looking down and discovering a whole nail is missing – “Now where did I leave that?” But I’d (much) rather paint my nails a new color than fuss with nail polish remover. Also, glitter tends to mechanically block the action of remover, so glitters are a damned nightmare to remove otherwise.

The players. I start with:

1: Nail Pattern Boldness‘ Glitter A-peel. This is the only one that is regular, non-polar nail polish chemicals. I used to use this a lot, but the solvents in nail polish eat your nails, and I’d prefer to avoid that – I only get chipping, peeling nails when I’m putting non-polar solvents on them regularly. Including this. So I moved on to…

2: Homemade PVA base coat. PVA (polyvinyl acetate) is Elmer’s glue (or tacky glue, outside the US), which peels off nails exactly the same as it peels off skin. Lab Muffin is generally credited for working this out, although others have too. It is water-soluble and polar! So this is a bottle of Elmer’s wood glue mixed with water. It doesn’t eat my nails, and it works. Also, no fumes.

3: OPI Glitter Off. Also PVA, and brand new to the market. OPI is best known for their formulas, because they are amazing, so when I found out that this existed got some immediately. This is my new best friend. All the advantages of #2, plus it lasts about 2x as long as my homemade stuff, dries a bit faster, and really only needs one coat.

Next is a regular base coat! This is important! Polar base coats (PVA) don’t block the sort of pigments found in non-polar solvents (all nail polish), so after either #2 or #3 I need a regular base coat to do that. If those pigments aren’t blocked, they (occasionally) soak into your nails and take up permanent residence. Eeeww.

In case you thought the “interview nails” was entirely a problemin my head, I’ve been asked about this nonsense. I failed to use anon-polar base coat one time. That polish is already hall-of-shamed. 🙁

4: Orly Rubberized Bonder. This is a very popular base coat for holding polish without chipping, and it prevents the horribleness of figure 2 there. Always use base coat, kids. If you don’t want to go peel-off, this is actually the first step.

Next is some kind of attractive polish!

You cannot tell me this is not wizardry.

Finally, a coat of fast-dry top coat. Fast-dry top coat is the difference between bothering to paint my nails, and not. About a minute, maybe two after application, your nails are bomb-proof and you can go about your life. I love you chemistry!

5: Seche Vite Dry Fast Top Coat. Probably the fastest-drying, and very thick, so one coat can even out glitter roughness and so on. Magical clear nail armor. I heart this very much. It chips quickly, but not as quickly as the peel-off peels off, so for me it’s excellent.

6: Sally Hansen Dries Instantly Top Coat. (SH Insta-Dry, red bottle, is also good.) Dries reasonably fast, a bit thinner than Seche Vite, but less chippy. I use this for interview nails, which are not peel-off.

And that’s it! Glue, a regular base coat, fast-dry top coat, plus something pretty, and you’re good to go. It sounds like a lot of coats, but since the world dries faster these days, it doesn’t correspond to taking forever (much less time than typing up this monstrosity!). All you really need is base coat and color, if you’re feeling minimalist.

Okay, confession time: I really do love steampunk. Not for any good reason, it just tickles my aesthetic bone. A lot! Despite the fact that one of the best definitions I’ve ever seen is “when goths discovered brown” (Jess Nevins). What can I say? I want to replace all my light switches with teeny double-throw knife switches. (Fake ones, because knife switches were always a terrible idea.)

So you can imagine how this little dude from artist amoebabloke hit me.

Mr. Fix-it took my request to heart (okay, I poked him), and suggested lavender nails. Whereupon we discovered that however the hell many little bottles I have, I don’t have a one of those. Gah! The closest I could come was this, which is more like a pale pink, although I tried layering it over purple, which sometimes works but didn’t really here.

Island Girl Polynesian Heat:

Indoor lighting, because then I took it off. Pleaseignore the one weird finger, that’s a failed experiment.

X

Left: indoor; right: flash. (Oo! Flash! Whatever’s next?)

Okay, first off I’ll just get this off my chest: “Polynesian heat”? Doesn’t that make you think of something in the red/orange/yellow family? Or at least something saturated? Something not, say, delicate, frosty pinkish-lavender?

Meh, whatever, it’s a pretty color. Which is a shame, because the formula is fail. It’s everything people hate about “frost” finishes: it shows every imperfection and every brushstroke, it’s thin and runny and doesn’t stay where you put it, it’s not self-leveling. It looks mostly okay from a little distance? But it’s not really worth the hassle.

I tried rescuing it by putting a topper on it I’m excited about; the two nail polishes played together poorly, with Polynesian Heat crinkling up and going all weird.

I had dinner with my friend N the other day, and we hit a drugstore on the way home to feed our little obsession. (Okay, I did and she came along.) Towards the end I said, “Okay, pick something for me.” And then, to avoid the embarassment of spending 15 minutes saying “Already got that one… and that one…”, I added, “Pick something you don’t think I’d pick for myself.”

Yeah, I would not have picked it! I actually think it’s pretty flattering on me (?), but I’m not really a FLAMING ORCHID kind of person, and this is bright. Nonetheless, I love it when people pick polishes for me, either to wear or to buy; it’s astonishing how often it’s a complete learning experience. (Black on one hand and white on the other, chosen by a labmate, was so good that I want a matching dress.)*

If you don’t know, Pantone** has always had some geek love, and they’ve realized it and decided to make a profit off it – you can buy notebooks, watches, mugs, etc. One of the things they do now is declare a “Color of the Year” (and season), which cosmetics, clothing designers, etc. dutifully note.†

* If you have an idea (that you tell me) I will do it to my nails if physically possible, and post it. This is a promise. It can also be a dare, that’s fine.

** A company whose business is “reproducible color.” You can buy physical swatches of thousands of colors, and the Pantone color number is just… that color. That exact color. No monitor differences, differences between batches, or creep: Pantone 13-1406 (“Cloud Pink”) willalways be the same. For example, the University of Tennessee’s official colors are UT Orange, White, and Smokey, while the University of Texas’ orange is Burnt Orange (#159). You can see where that’s useful when thousands of people and hundreds of departments are doing their own thing.

† Update: apparently they also look at runway shows and early collections to get ideas, so it goes both ways. *shrug*

So Rimmel London is a drugstore makeup brand, one that I think is relatively newly spreading into the US? So that’s a thing. Um sorry but I can’t do much of an intro because I am too excited to show you Rimmel London Caramel Cupcake:

When it’s shown all close-up like this, you can at least tell my nails are painted, but in most light you really cannot. I topped it with a matte top coat to minimize shine, and y’all, this stuff is me-colored. Normally one doesn’t need a nail polish that looks exactly like one’s self, but at the moment I do, and I found it!! It is this. It matches me less or more depending on lighting, but I will swear you would never notice it. (I showed a friend, and she grabbed my hand and stared at it super up close before giving me an “if you say so” shrug.)

In nail-polish-junkie-landia, this look (perfectly matching nail polish) is referred to as “mannequin hands”, for those following along at home. I’m almost tempted to paint some half-moons (the white round bit at the base of your nail) just to see what it would look like.

I don’t really get the name. It’s pink. What’s sophisticated about pink? I mean it’s too pale to be bubblegum pink, but? …whatever. It’s pretty, it’s subtle, it’s fine. I feel like if I mixed this and Champagne Toast I’d have a more opaque Nomad’s Dream. Nice to have around.

Then, because I make the same mistakes over and over, I layered on the partially-contrasting Sally Hansen Ice Queen:

This does a good job of showing why I don’t really like multicolored glitter. Up close, it looks fine, but from any distance the teal glitter just looks like I got scunge on my hands and should wash them. Also, getting the big hex glitters out was a giant pain; getting this many glits took three-ish coats and a mountain of dabbing.

I think a lot of my color photography problems stem from variations on blue. I thought it was awesome that Eurso Euro (I don’t need to link it again, do I?) photographed so beautifully. I now think it was luck. Specifically, I’m beginning to think that my camera just gets way overexcited about blues. It sees blue and just jumps up and down in its little… camera… space. Thing.

(You do all know that when I say “camera” I mean “iPhone”, right?)

Anyway, this is a sort of navyish blue, which my “camera” waaaay oversaturated. I got something closer to color-true by dropping the saturation enormously, hence the skin tone. (I mean, I know what color my skin is. I can just look. It’s nail polish I need want some record of.)

Pure Ice French Kiss:

Taken in an alley with rain coming down, because I’m trying to add somegrit and drama to this blog. (No I’m not. Alleys just come in rainy here.)

It’s blue, all righty. Yep. Sure is blue. I have a lot of blue polish, mostly from my long quest for a perfect indigo. Not this one. I just bought this one. I don’t know why.

I guess that’s why I have so much blue polish.

My capitalization of brand tags is inconsistent, and to fix it I have to edit posts individually. This does not please me at all. In fact I am quickly reaching “unacceptably annoyed” by formatting limitations imposed by Blogger! But any other blogging choice is a lot like work. Bah.

Okay, so (I claim) it’s kind of insane to want to be a professor. “And yet,” you say (in my head, where you are interested), “You are yourself finishing a Ph.D. and trying to stay in academia!”

Well, I gave three possible reasons for that behavior:

You’re nuts.

You somehow missed the memo on the problems with academia.

You know yourself, and know what makes you happy, very well.

I don’t think I’m irretrievably insane, and I certainly got the memo. So.

[This got long as all hell. Feel free to just look at this cat instead. –ed.]

Not posed. I just looked over and Libra was sittingin my backpack. With her tongue sticking out.

Do I know myself that well? Who knows. Maybe! But I know, as much as anyone can know without being there, what the tradeoffs are. I undoubtedly have surprises in my future, and I have things to learn about being in academia – including unpleasant things – and about myself. But here are some things I’m sure of about myself, right now.

I don’t care that much about money.1 As far as my life objectives and reward structures go, it’s not high on the list. I want enough money for a reasonably nice life – but in my field, that doesn’t require being at the financial pinnacle.

I like writing. I like presenting to groups. I like being in front of groups. I like teaching and I love presenting at conferences. I am a big fat ham.

I love, love, love traveling. I have a map of places I have yet to go. This is a thing researchers do, travel for conferences; and I love basically everything about business traveling.

I love interacting with smart people! In a university environment, many of the people you rub along with are stimulating, thought-provoking, fascinating people.

I am motivated by tackling new problems and coming up with new ideas – even if some of them don’t work out. Tackling problems that humanity has never solved before is awesome. Producing profitable artifacts, less my thing.

If you don’t know what this is all about, get off my lawn.

My personal health and well-being is best served by having a job/role that supports not getting up at 8 or 9 (or 10) every day. It sounds minor, but it’s not.

I love being on campus. I love wandering around a campus, people-watching students and professors, reading posters in random buildings. I find that I feel comfortable and happy on almost any campus.

I do not give farts about how many people know my name. I care a bit about the quality of those people, but the idea of “toiling along in relative obscurity” is untroubling.

I lead small groups well; I mentor well; I don’t want to be a career manager.

I work best under pressure. With no forcing functions, I tend to play computer games in my underwear and loathe myself.

Mr. Fix-It hates moving with a passion, and I don’t want to drag him around as I do corporate job changes. Also, neither of us is a big fan of Silicon Valley.

And hey – I went into grad school from an industry research job, with my eyes open, planning to enjoy it. And for the most part, I’ve enjoyed the hell out of it.

Some of these can be addressed by non-university research jobs; some cannot. Some aren’t addressed by academia, either, and not all “industry” research jobs are created equal. Put together, they make a pretty reasonable story. That said, there’s one more slightly dirty secret:

It’s a one-way street. You can go from academia to industry, but not vice versa.2

So “publish or perish” is really “publish or do what you’d be doing anyway if you weren’t in academia”. Trying out the faculty gig keeps my options the most open, which I do care about. A lot. A whole lot. A whole, whole lot. …yep.

[1] This, by the way, is the kind of thing that’s easy to toss off if you have enough money, and don’t have to worry about making rent, or have to decide between medicine and food. I have always been that lucky, but a lot of it is luck, and I am profoundly grateful.

I did not choose to put these polishes together because they are both complete sentences with punctuation. I would have, but I only just noticed. Dumb sentences, sure, but better than [grabs a bottle at random] “Smush”.

This first one I kinda already knew would disappoint. It’s from the same collection as Eurso Euro (have I blithered on enough about that one yet?), and when I got EE in all its indigo perfection, I hoped the purple would be equally glorious. (Spoiler: it isn’t)

OPI Vant to Bite my Neck?:

These are both pretty color-accurate, because your human meat eyeball with its high dynamic range can see a lot more color depth at once. So the way-overexposed shot on the right that shows the purpliness is, in human eyeball terms, just another part of this polish’s “depth of color”. Stupid excellent meat eyeball.

Look, aubergine is a lovely color that is mostly black. Seriously, when your canvases are 1cm2, this is just… black. In direct sunlight(well “sunlight”) it’s… black. (Black with an excellent, long-lasting creme formula, because OPI.)

With hints of eggplant.

So, since I don’t actually really like this polish, I decided to try to spruce it up by doing something I know I dislike, which is adding a highly-contrasting glitter topper.

SOPI: Beam Me Up, Hottie!:

Left: what it actually looked like, which is, mysteriously polka-dotted nails. Right: They’re very holographic
polka dots! And I learned that a blurry picture actually captures the holo colors better. I learned this from
real bloggers with better cameras. Which I do not need one of. Because I don’t need another hobby.

It seemed like a good idea at the time. …no, no it didn’t. It seemed like something I could reach without dislodging this cat. So that’s like a good idea, kind of.

This is just a bottle full of silver holographic glitter hexes in a clear base. Seems like my kind of looking-futuristic thing, but the formula is such a total goddamned PITA. This is several layers, with much dabbing.*

So… all things being equal, total fail! I’ll probably keep Beam My Up Hottie! for use over silver, where its holographic awesomeness can blend and glitter distribution is less obvious. I kind of feel like McAubergine here is bound for a new home.

* (Basically what it sounds like – sort of “patting” the nail with the brush, pushing individual glitters (glits?**) around.)
** I am pretty sure an individual glitter is a glit

Occasionally I look at the little bin of things that are post-Project Wear-It, then at the burgeoning bin of things that are still waiting, and I make a little sad noise. Then I remember that it’s just nail polish for crying out loud, if it makes me sad it’s a stupid hobby.

Then I make a little sad noise.

I made lunch (and dinner) from scratch today! Chicken stew. But I was playing around, as I do when I have no-one else present to poison, and it’s… well. I should have made more instacurry. I would describe it as barely edible. So I am sad about that (and a little hungry)… which means I should show you nail polish! Yes. Yes it does.

Sinful Colors Aqua:

Pretty color! It’s not quite this… electric in person. However, sinceit was a horrid gray rainy day even by Seattle standards, I’ll take mybright colors where I find them. Even in misleading photographs.

This is so similar in the bottle to SC Gorgeous, when I find it I’ll show you. This is a very pretty blue-leaning aqua, and Gorgeous is a sliiiigghhtly green-leaning aqua.

But I had an ulterior motive, which was to provide a base for a polish that must be 15 years old minimum, about which the Internet knows nothing. (damn kids)

See this is actually a mix of beautiful blue and green bar glitter.* In the bottle it looks like some kind of jewel. But in person it looks.. well, aqua. Especially from more than 6 inches away. It’s pretty, especially in indoor light, but compared to the bottle it is disappointing.

What the bottle looks like; what the polish looks like with a little distance. Herethe bottle looks less exciting than in person, and my nails look more excitingand glowy. It’s the same damn polish, camera. What do you want from me.

Ah, well. Pretty is still a good thing. I vaguely recall doing roommate E’s nails with this over purple and liking the results, maybe after PWI I’ll try that.

(PS: Also: It may seem as though our living room floor is covered in random objects. In fact, they are cat toys. I don’t know what to tell you.)

* Bar glitter means “long thin glitter”. It tends to hang off the sides of your nails or stick straight up or otherwise be a pain.