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12.30.2008

Today's doctor's appointment provided some much needed relief to me. Because I love you so much, I forcefully swallowed down an entire glass of orange syrup and allowed myself to be pricked and prodded on your behalf. The verdict? I do not have gestational diabetes. I had convinced myself that with the way things were going for our little family, I would definitely have gestational diabetes.

I am telling you this because as you grow and learn, there are things about life and living that I want you to understand. I want to be a good example for you, but as a flawed human being there are times - like this one - where you can learn from my shortcomings. I want you to possess a quality that I fall short on - optimism. Now, I am not saying that I want you to live in a world where in your mind everything is butterflies, rainbows and sunshine. I wish the world would be that easy for you, but life will not always treat you that way. What I do mean is that I want you to be able to see the positive in people and situations.

Today when I heard your heartbeat for the split second the doctor popped in and out of my room, I was more thrilled than I have been in a long time. I have been very afraid for you, you see. Our lives have been turned around and upside down over the last month, and my stress level has been very high. Your precious life inside of me has been the only thing that has sustained me from falling overboard. That has been one of your many gifts to me, and I will always cherish that.

So, you are Normal. I am Normal. We will have our next visit in 4 more weeks. Then I will get to see you again.

In the past few weeks, you have really stepped up your movement. I imagine you in there, working hard at your Tai Chi poses. Your movements are fluid like that. It is the most beautiful feeling that I have ever experienced.