2nd MC in Sept. after Partial Molar in Jan. 2011

I think I found this forum in January when I first started researching the partial molar I was diagnsed with. It seems to be the best source of information out there. I lost my first pregancy in January at 9 weeks 2 days when we went in for my first US and there was no heartbeat. After the pathology report from the D&C showed partial molar tissue, I waited about 6 1/2 months to try again. I did the weekly blood work until my hCG levels zeroed and then again for 3 weeks in a row to make sure the stayed zero. Then I went once a month up until we were given the go ahead to try again. We tried again in August and were successful on our first try again. I went in and saw a heartbeat at 6 1/2 weeks, so I knew the chances of another PMP were less at least. I felt amazing during this second pregancy in comparison to the last - way less tired, no digestive issues, not a lot of gas, and no acid reflux. I was overall more comfortable, so I thought everything was going fine until 9 weeks 1 day, I saw a slight brownish tinge to the toilet paper when I wiped. I called right away and got in for a US 2 hours later and I found myself facing another missed miscarriage. This baby only measured 7 weeks 6 days.†

I am beside myself. I guess I knew I wasn't out of the woods and there was a part of me waiting for something to go wrong, but I thought our chances were better this time, so I was holding on to that. The fact that I felt physically so good the whole time makes this even more unbelievable. I go in for a D&C tomorrow so they can do pathology and see if this is a repeat PMP. I really hope not. I'm not sure how to proceed if it is. I guess from what I've read here in just the last 30 minutes, I have some options and seeing a RE would be a good first step.†

I hate this place of not caring about anything. This is the worst part. At least I know I came through it once already, so I know I can get to the other side by letting myself be sad for awhile and then keeping busy at the gym and making plans with friends and family. Keeping my fingers crossed this was just a normal miscarriage and we can try again in a couple of cycles.

Comments (26)

Kristin Im really sorry for your losses and I hope it's not another PMP. I had a PMP in december and now Im pregnant again (9.5weeks) BUT apparently this pregnancy won't be viable as i have a mass near the fetus that is growing very fast, and will likely interfere.
I understanf what you are going through and I think the only way of "recovering" is letting yourself feel the loss. I don't mean that you have to cry all day, but let yourself go through every step and don't try too hard to be full of activities and seem ok. I know that if I lose this baby I will try and do only what I want and what I feel that will make me feel better.. If that includes a lot of crying, then I will! Good luck with your D&C and keep us posted!

Kristin - I am so sorry that you are facing another loss.¬† It is never easy.¬† There are several women on here that had another loss following the mp and had to have a D&C.¬† I'm sure they will comment on your post.¬† If not, some of them are either on the TTC thread or the pregnant after MP thread.

I had a chemical pregnancy last April.¬† It happened around 4w5d.¬† It doesn't matter how long or short the pregnancy, it is emotionally tough to deal with a loss especially following the mp.¬† I think the¬†cp was harder for me than the mp.¬† I wanted so bad to move beyond the nighmare of the mp and felt the new pregnancy would heal the old emotional wounds.¬†

I think all of your emotions are normal and it is ok to be sad.¬† I know that I still feel sad even though it has been over a year since my mp.¬† BIG HUGS!

Kristin, I'm so sorry to hear about your losses.¬† It's so hard to have subsequent losses, especially after all the medical issues and waiting to ttc from a PMP.¬† I had a PMP Nov. 2010, was pregnant again in March 2011 but lost that baby early on as a chemical pregnancy between 5-6 weeks.¬† I m/c on my own without a d&c but I just wanted to let you know I too, had a m/c after my PMP and I know how bad it feels. I became pregnant with a healthy baby in June and am now over 20 weeks.¬† I guess I'm telling you this because I truly feel like you will have a healthy baby but 2 losses in a row makes you feel so discouraged.¬† Be gentle to yourself and tell yourself it's okay to be sad!¬† Please take care of yourself and know there are so many people here that know how you feel and are here for support if you want it!¬† Big hugs to you, keep us updated.

Kristin, I'm so sad to hear of your losses. After a CMP I too had a "normal" miscarriage. It was devastating, and I felt angry and doomed for a long time. No matter what you call it, it is, quite simply, a death in the family. I went through the whole confusing spectrum of grief. You are definitely in the thick of it... know that it will pass and you won't feel lost forever.

I didn't need to see a fertility specialist... but I probably should've seen a grief counselor. I had no trouble getting pregnant again and having a relatively problem-free pregnancy and birth, but I was very much haunted by those prior losses. Honestly, my sweet baby boy has renewed my faith in many ways. So sorry for your broken heart and I hope you get some encouraging news on the pathology report.

Thank you all so much for you kind words and encouragement. I remember this stage all too well from January. At least I have a little perspective this time. I know tomorrow will be emotional and I know the doctor and nurses will be amazingly kind and encouraging. I know I will be really sad for a good week and the hormones will be going crazy, so I just have to ride it out and let myself feel the pain. Once my body starts healing from the D&C, I'll start to pull through. I decided to be smart about it this time and seek counseling immediately instead of waiting. I already have a call in to a therapist who was recommended to me by a nurse at my doctor's office. She went through 3 MCs and found this woman to be very helpful as she specializes in perinatal loss. I'm also taking a leave from work to give myself some space from people.

I'm so sorry for what all of you went through or are going through. These are all things I wish nobody had to experience. I wish you all well, and for those of you who have been successful, I hope I will have a similar story one day.

Kristin, I, too, am so sorry for your losses. ¬†As you can see in my signature, I had a pmp in January of 2007, and my next pregnancy was a "normal" m/c. ¬†(That was similar to yours in that I saw a heartbeat, then didn't at the next appointment.) ¬†I had a long conversation with my doctor after the 2nd loss and we talked about what to do next... see an RE, etc. ¬†We were both in agreement that it wasn't necessary, as the 2 losses were unrelated, and really, I didn't have an issue getting pregnant, so going to an RE wouldn't really change the course of action for my next pregnancy. ¬†The next pregnancy was full of mixed emotions. ¬†When I got the bfp, that was as far as I would let myself think - not that I was "pregnant," just that I had a bfp. ¬†When I got to the end of the 1st trimester, I allowed myself to think of being "pregnant," but not to think of the baby yet... somewhere in the 3rd trimester, I actually began to believe it would happen and got excited about the baby. ¬†

Anyway, just wanted to give you some encouragement. ¬†I think that talking to someone will be extremely helpful. ¬†I found that my emotions after the 2nd loss were much more intense than after the pmp. ¬†In part, I think, because so much energy after the pmp went into researching and finding as much info as I could. ¬†Thinking of you tomorrow, hoping that all goes well, and that we'll be hearing of a healthy, sticky baby for you soon! ¬†((()))

That is all very encouraging. I hope our journey is not over yet. I know what you mean about not letting yourself think ahead. I reached a new stage of that this time. I didn't start bookmarking nursery ideas online, or visualizing my belly getting bigger, or reading my What to Expect book every day. I think next time, I will most likely disconnect some more. No more thinking statistics mean anything, or getting any sort of reassurance from one good ultrasound. I'm not even sure I would feel comfortable after a first trimester if things were still good.¬†

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My D&C went well today and I feel a little relieved now. I did better at this one and didn't cry the entire 5 hours I was at the hospital this time, just sporadically. I talked to my doc before going to the OR and he was so encouraging. He says he knows I'm worried about the pathology results, but that he really feels in his gut that this isn't a repeat partial based on seeing a heartbeat at 6 1/2 weeks, the chances of a 2nd one being so slim to begin with, and the fact that the baby made it as far as it did. Nonetheless, he went ahead and just ordered some chromosomal testing on the remains so we'll have some more info. Normally, they would wait until 2 regular miscarriages to do that, but he's not going to make me wait. Any info we can get, the better. I'm glad my practice has been so supportive and responsive.

I think I might bounce back emotionally a little better this time. In a way, I'm almost glad I had to wait so long to try again after the PMP. It gave me more time to process the first loss. The spiritual side of things bothered me the most because I don't really have a faith system aside from believing everything happens for a reason. I spent a lot of time trying to figure out what we lost. Was it a person if it wasn't chromosomally in tact from the beginning? Did it at least have a soul? If it did, did it know it was loved? All the decisions I made about those things apply to this baby too, so it's not stuff my mind is churning over right now. It's more the physical feeling of the loss and the worrying about trying again that will bother me for awhile.

I'm¬†very sorry to for your loss. Although the circumstances are terrible you seem to be in a good place mentally and emotionally. I often think about when we get to try again¬†the what ifs start¬†in my head...what if¬†it happens again. Would I be able to pick myself up better than I have this time.¬†My experience this time has left me so weak. Something I'm not use to feeling¬†It is comforting to me to hear that you think your wait time has made you stronger. I hope for myself I can say the same.

Jaylee1700, I am so sorry for your loss as well. It's normal for all those what ifs to be cycling through. It's impossible not to think about them. I took a break for them for a long time, and when it came closer to trying again, they started up again. I can say, just having the chance to try again, and the chance of things going well renewed my hope for a awhile. You've just got to try to find the places of hope in there.

It's been a rough week and a half, but I finally got some news today that made me feel the tiniest bit of relief. My pathology report from the D&C did not show any evidence of molar tissue, so this 2nd miscarriage is considered "normal." I still have to wait a few more weeks for the results of the chromosomal testing, but at least this news allows my brain some relief from thinking about the scary pathways a repeat PMP might have taken me down.¬†

On another light note, a friend sent me a necklace that I received today. It's like a sliding locket and the inner shell has the words "Never Forgotten" engraved in it. She wanted me to remember that I'm always a mom and to have something to carry with me as a reminder of my two babies. It's perfect.