Sunday, 20 May 2012

Secret Service: EPISODE 20

Perfect Retirement Housing Complex

Inner Hamlet

CORSETTSHIRE QY4 2PN

My Dear Ralph

Sleep did not come easily to me last night pet. I was up in the early hours patrolling the car park, in an attempt to assess the degree of darkness afflicting the parking spaces in the absence of operational security lighting. Darkness prevailed dear, which is probably fortunate owing to the fact that I was outfitted in my Wyncyette nightie and a quantity of hair rollers. I finally fell into bed, possibly crushing dear Chumley, until the alarm clock rang at 6.20am. Of course, I had to catch the bus to Gothick Towers to collect the Banger 0.9L. As I traipsed through Outer Hamlet in the mist, it did rather strike me how protected one's nether regions usually are inside the motor. At least the Banger was still nestling up against the stonework and off I set for the college Tree course.The scene at the college at 8.00am was distinctly deserted and the coffee lounge was shut! I do think I might have to reconsider my attire for this day dear. Comparing myself with all these other youthful types striding around in their lumberjack kit, it may not be altogether appropriate to arrive in a tight-fitting, above knee, tweed skirt and 30 denier stockings. Anyway, today we considered the problem of how to measure a tree. I am not at all sure I have understood the 'stick and shadow' method pet and the 'ruler and two persons' method seems equally abstruse. Hopefully, I will never have to put this skill into practice and- if I do - maybe there will be some manly type around to assist me?I must say I was not looking forward to approaching Our Leader on the topic of the car park security lighting and the absence of a theft procedure in the lounge ring binder. In fact I could feel mounting trepidation, not to mention bodily trembling, set in as I approached the office in which he sat. However, as often the way in life, he completely bowled me sidewards with his utter reasonableness and willingness to help. I found myself thanking him for his support and saying that obviously I hoped that I could be supportive of him also. It just goes to show pet, that sometimes a mutually human encounter can soothe both sides.YoursAunt Agatha

About Me

This is a humour genre blog! 'The Pom-Pom letters: Memoirs from Alternative Accommodation.
The letters are written in the persona of Aunt Agatha - a retired MI6 operative - who is resident in a block of 56 flats for the elderly in a rural area of the UK. The year is 1996. The flats are staffed by a resident manager and his deputy. Aunt Agatha is close friends with another resident - Pom-Pom - and is carrying on a correspondence with her nephew Ralph, who is a member of a 'far left' political group and addicted to prescription medication.
Agatha's letters to Ralph form a commentary on events occurring inside the Perfect Retirement Housing Complex and, later upon her 'escape' - they describe her life from the relative safety of Forsythia Grove.