Category Archives: random crap

Pick your clever song or film reference for the new celebrity romance of MEG RYAN and JOHN “COUGAR” MELLENCAMP?!?!?!

"...two American kids doin' the best they can"

I did not see that one coming.

For me, this is right up there on the level of

Eddie Van Halen & Valerie Bertinelli

Gwyneth Paltrow & Chris Martin

Jennifer Anniston & John Mayer

Heather Locklear & Tommy Lee

Julia Roberts & Lyle Lovett

I really don’t “get” these romances. Are they real? How do they meet? How do they all fit in one bed? I mean, a man, a woman and two HUGE egos can get crowded.

Anyway, back to the celebromance du jour. I know that I am a cynic, but I have always thought that Meg Ryan is not the apple pie, sweet girl next door that she plays in every movie she’s been in. Besides, I LOVE Dennis Quaid and I think there was more to that story than we were privy to. (Can you say Russell Crowe?)

And, John Mellencamp? Well, while his music brings back great high school memories, I always thought he was a bit of a tool when he feigned selective amensia regarding the toolish “Cougar” adjective that he threw around in the 70s and 80s and the way he’s tried to be the Midwestern Bruce Springsteen.

Having intimate experience with divorce, I try not to be judgmental about anyone who finds that they simply cannot make their relationship work any longer. However, in this case, I must make an exception.

These two are the most self-absorbed, neurotic pair I have ever seen and it’s incredulous to me that they continually whine about the intrusive paparazzi who are causing them so much stress. Have they not welcomed cameras into their homes and lives to “share” their wonderful, fairytale lives? It’s a slippery slope, peeps, and you guys let Pandora out of the box when you signed on for all those episodes and all that denero. And, isn’t this really what it’s all about? Money?

Sorry, but I have a real problem with the fact that these two have made a fortune off of the cuteness of their kids via TV, books, motivational speaking tours and “freebies”. While I can understand accepting help from people wanting to help when you are overwhelmed with such a large brood, these people took it to the extreme and now, they are paying the piper.

The problem is that it’s the kids who will pay the cost. While they will remain in their million dollar estate with designer clothes, playhouses and part-time parents, all they really have are each other. Make no mistake, this “decision” will have lasting consequences on these kids. Mady already needed couseling before all of this, now Kate will have to publish another hypocritical book just to cover the therapy bills for the rest of the gang. Or, perhaps she can get a sympathetic psychologist to donate their services a la her tummy tuck and his hair plugs. (You cannot make this crap up.)

The problem with sanctimony and rigidity is that it usually bites you in the butt. Early on, Jon and Kate espoused that their faith was what sustained them and their kids. Each season has brought less thankfulness/faithfulness and more entitlement/riches. For example, trips to Disney, New York, Hawaii, Utah, North Carolina….two new houses in five years, matching designer clothes (even for every day), etc., etc. While these people started out as an inspiration to others facing the challenge of large families, they have now become the object of pity and all at the hand of greed.

My advice to these “parents”. Quit this show. Jon, get a real job and hold on to it. Kate, go back to nursing and support your kids like normal people and not by exploiting their obvious cuteness and unusual situation. Spend time with them instead of traveling on book tours or speaking engagements. All of the “things” are not going to ease the pain of seeing their parents’ relationship dissolve, nor the public fascination associated with it. And really, do you think that people will be interested in seeing eight kids go through puberty?

God Bless the caveman who figured out how to cut wild boar fat into small strips and cook it over the campfire. Without it, we would not have the carniverous goodness that is quickly making a comeback.

One of the compatibility criteria that both Mr. D and I considered when looking for a mate was the common adoration of bacon. I was quite concerned to find that Mr. D was a fitness freak. However, he has one, pathetic food vice. That, which is BACON.

Thank goodness, as I have a definite aff-FECK-shun for pork bellies. But, even this Bacon Conessieur was taken aback on my first vacation with “the family” when we showed up for the breakfast buffet. The equivalent of a 4-H prize hog was scarfed up in the matter of ten minutes.

“My kind of people”, I remember thinking.

For Cajuns, bacon is revered right up there with such culinary shangra la as crawfish, onions, garlic and beer. Through the years, we’ve enjoyed bacon-wrapped Oysters, Shrimp, Scallops, Redfish, Asparagus, Brussel Sprouts, and String Beans, among others.

Many of the specialty meat providers in South Louisiana have made “bacon-wrapped”, a staple of their offering. Recently, bacon-wrapped boneless chicken breasts have made the “gotta get it” list.

No doubt, some forward-thinking Cajun tried this:

But nothing prepared me for the bacon rapture of the Bacon Explosion, as extolled by the NY Times. If this is not pork per-FECK-shun, I don’t know what is.

When it all comes down to it, aren’t we all really looking for a little respect?

R-E-S to the P-E-C-T

Unless you can sing like Ree Ree, respect is a little harder to come by. Usually, it’s earned through the decent treatment of others. You know, the thing you were taught in Kindergarten, in Sunday School, in Catechism…..”The Golden Rule”, a/k/a the Law of Reaping and Sowing, better known as “karma”.

Pardon this rant, but this has been on my mind.

To me, the problem manifests when people somehow think that they’ll gain respect by bashing others or bullying or making fun of someone. I HATE THAT CRAP. Intelligent disagreement and civil debate on a particular subject is fine. Got no problem with that. But, what I really abhor is when somebody — anybody — makes other people feel crappy to have some kind of control and quasi-respect. Has that ever worked?

I mean, who enjoyed being teased or ridiculed growing up? Who has ever endeared themselves by making others feel crappy? Aren’t there 1,000 movies like Revenge of the Nerds, Never Been Kissed, She’s All That, Just Friends, etc.? And don’t you just want to punch the jock, cheerleader, clearly evil asshats bent on making people feel bad?

My theory of people that live to tear down others is a lack of respect for self. Because they do not like themselves, they can’t love others. In not loving others, they have little or no remorse in inflicting great pain on others. That brings retribution and lack of acceptance which feeds the vicious cycle.

What is the point? Isn’t life too short? Isn’t it easier to be supportive and positive rather than critical and negative? And, does anybody really get satisfaction in making fun of someone’s weight? height? looks? handicap? misunderstood humor? lack of intelligence? religion? ethnicity?