Sunday, March 2, 2014

Movie Madness: Pompeii

Sunday - it's Oscar night and we celebrate the best of 2013.

Here in contrast is a movie I saw last Sunday with a friend. This one deserves a Razzie in 2014.

Pompeii should have been a majestic film with
Mount Vesuvius spurting lava and wiping out a tremendous city. Instead, this is
a cheesy gladiator movie with Mt. Vesuvius rumbling its warnings and people
saying, “Oh the Gods must be angry.” This film critic is seriously
considering a foray into screenwriting. Surely, I could have written better
dialogue.

It’s AD 79 and we meet our slave fighter (a very
ab-o-licious Kit Harrington). He is splendid, but you can only appreciate his
beauty for so long. Then we need some plot. Well, of course the young heiress
has eyes for him and he saves her when her horse breaks away. He’s the Celtic
slave horse whisperer. But the evil Roman Senator played by a very mismatched
Kieffer Sutherland has plans to marry her and is blackmailing her weenie
parents for her hand. Meanwhile, it’s a grand festival for gladiator fighting.
Somehow Kit and Atticus, a huge black man, can kill every fighter possible.

The walls start tumbling down as Mt. Vesuvius blows. It’s
far too late to run to the harbor. It’s far too late to even think about
fleeing by horse. It’s pretty much too late to redeem this movie. But….. huge
plot giveaway, our fearless lovers give it a decent try. It’s laughable and
rather sadly futile.

I was obviously not the target audience. Not sure who this
film was aimed toward. The special effects are decent. I will throw out that
crumb. Otherwise – DO NOT BLOW your money on this bomb. Not now, not on
Netflix. Truly the Gods must be angry to allow this flimsy material into our lives.

4 comments:

It sounds like the only redeeming thing about this movie was it provided you with the opportunity to enjoy a day out with your friend. Now, if you and your friend are the kind of gals who whisper snarky comments and giggle while you watch cheese, you probably had a blast.

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About Me

Joanne Faries, originally from the Philadelphia area, lives in Texas with her husband Ray. She considers herself fortunate to be able to pursue a writing career after eons in the business world. Joanne enjoys reading and movies, and is the film critic for the Little Paper of San Saba.