I’m Getting Old

(**This is a long post. More a novel. It’s definitely a rant. And is being written in full ‘Jenn is a bitch’ mode. In fact let me preface this whole post with the comment that, yes, I am an unapologetic raving bitch. It’s who I am. I call them like I see them. I completely lack any sense of tact and my filter is broken. So if you leave a comment saying anything to the effect of “You’re a bitch”, my response is going to be “yeah…and????” Consider yourself warned . **)

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I’ll let you in on a well known secret. I’m a GenX’er. Yeah, that generation that are turning into your parents? That’s me.

And I’m at that age now where young people irritate me.

I’m not talking little kids (well, some of them irritate me too, but that has more to do with the way their parents are raising them than the actual kids).

I’m talking that select group of GenY’ers who are over-entitled brats.

You know… the ones who give all people in their 20’s a bad name. The ones who expect everything to be handed to them on a silver platter. They want everything in life and they want it now and they want YOU to give it to them.

People like that make me want to reach out and hug someone…so tight their head pops off.

I was having this conversation with a friend, yesterday. We both have younger brothers who are the worst of the worst GenY’ers. So maybe that’s why we tend to be more sensitive to this. We’ve been living it for years. Watching our siblings with their hand out, expecting other people to take care of them, while we did it the hard way – on our own, like adults.

And what really baffles me about these people is they don’t even understand why they shouldn’t expect everything to be given to them. You can try to explain to them for hours, but they will never get it.

If you follow me on Twitter, then you know where I’m going with this.

Yesterday I called someone out very publicly on this very thing.

I was told I was a heartless bitch for doing it. Because someone is in NEEEEEEEED and how can we not give and support that poooooor pooooor poooooooooooor girl.

While I can’t disagree with the heartless bitch part, it has nothing to do with why I said what I said to this person.

This is not the first or second or even third time this person has asked for money. By my count (and these are only the instances I know about) it’s the fourth.

She always has some good reason why she’s in crisis and needs money now.

But the fact is, this happens every couple of months.

And each time, heart strings are pulled and people send her money wanting to help.

Because rather than doing something about her situation, she would rather stick out her hand and ask other people to give her their hard earned money.

And when I pointed this out to her, last night, her response was: ” But it’s always when I really need it. …because I’m poor. I just feel that there may be some good hearted people out there. ”

So… here we are. The “I need it, you should give it to me” mentality.

And when I asked why her situation was always everyone else’s problem I got the response “That’s just what websites like wuah* are for” (*wuah is the Wish Upon a Hero site).

*head explodes*

So you take all this, add the numerous discrepancies** (see below) in her stories, and the fact that she has publicly admitted that she was a drug addict… and I’m heartless for not sending her money? No. No I’m not.

I would much rather give my money to to people and organizations who are going to use the money to change lives (theirs or others).

I would much rather give people a hand up, instead of repeatedly pandering to people who want a handout.

I really feel it’s situations like this that jade people and make it difficult for legitimate organizations, who could do such good work, to fundraise anymore.

And that? Breaks my cold unfeeling heart.

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**Some of the discrepancies I’m referencing:

When she requested money in early May, she was questioned about a previous WUAH request for money that was on the site and said her son was going to have open heart surgery. Her response *she is mama2boys2011* (all comments on this WUAH page have since been deleted, but a cached version can be found here):When asked about this on Twitter though, this was the response:

She says in the WUAH video in the latest request that they gave their 30 day notice on their apartment after putting a deposit on a house. But on twitter she says this:

Single mom?or
** Travis is her fiance or boyfriend

Drugs?or

And then there’s this.

I’m not say she’s a bad person. I’m just saying do your due diligence and make educated decisions before handing over your hard earned money to anyone.

**UPDATED: AtomicMommy is now theboysmama on twitter. So if you see her asking for money / donations / gifts (as she does on a regular basis) please do your research and consider carefully **

yes, yes, and YES! i relate to this in so many ways… and it’s a bizarre feeling to know that you are so close in age to someone and yet soooooooo drastically different in ways that you cannot quite put into words.

thank you for putting it into words. because this is blowing my mind.

PrincessJenn Reply:July 15th, 2011 at 7:38 am

@Nic,

I’ve often wondered what changed in those few years to make such a difference in people’s attitudes. Was it the way our parents raised us? Something in the water?

Nic Reply:July 15th, 2011 at 8:12 am

@PrincessJenn, ::sigh:: i don’t know. i wonder about the way my parents raised us and if that was a factor… not because i judge them for the decisions they made with regards to us, but because i wonder how my kid will be as a result of the way he is raised. i’m continually having my mind blown with the overall sense of entitlement that seems to be contagious among that generation. it truly leaves me astounded and speechless. i don’t know what the answer is, but i do know that this bullshit makes me batty.

I have been around people like this, I have also seen people give money in situations like this. I have then seen it all turn around and IMPLODE. When people start asking for money online, I immediately shut down – if you need something from me, you can approach me – you shouldn’t be begging for it online. I agree with your rant and support you for calling her out.

I’m 29, have never been handed ANYTHING on a silver platter, and work my ass of to get what I have. I am thankful I know the meaning of hard work and earned rewards. (oh, and I don’t think you’re old ;))

PrincessJenn Reply:July 15th, 2011 at 7:47 am

@Sarah,

I think you make a good point with the ‘approach’ comment. It’s one thing to approach someone you know for help. It’s another to expect perfect strangers to support your lifestyle.

I’ve asked for money on behalf of other people twice. Once was for a friend who was getting out of an abusive (and dangerous) marriage and so we put together an ‘emergency get out’ fund for her. The other was when a friend’s mom passed away from cancer, so we sent her flowers and made a donation to charity in her mother’s name. But in both those situations, I knew these people personally and knew their stories were legit. And the people I approched to see if they wanted to help out were also people who knew these people personally.

I could not agree more! I have one of those brothers, too! He makes me so damn mad. Everything is hard some times but that’s freaking life! I had to stop going to school b/c LIFE happened and I was paying my own way and I’m looking into going back where we will pay my way again. You know what’s great about that? The feeling of knowing when I’m done that WE did it. It might take longer than having people hand you shit but it feels SO DAMN GOOD knowing you did it on your own!! I love this post and everything it stands for. Good for you for putting it out there once again. I love you for your open and honest approach to life!!

PrincessJenn Reply:July 15th, 2011 at 7:53 am

@Ashlee,

YES! Exactly this. There just seems something so childish about asking for people to pay your bills. Adults take responsibility for their actions and lives.

I followed a bit of this drama. And all I can say is WOW. I can’t imagine being in a place where I used my son BY LYING ABOUT HIM to get money. I’m sorry you got dragged into it all but hope she got put in her place.

PrincessJenn Reply:July 15th, 2011 at 7:59 am

@Jana A,

The sad part is, so many people do it. It makes me doubly cringe because I have a kid who is beyond familiar with the inside of a hospital. I actually took down all my pay-per-impression type adds because I didn’t want people to think I was making money off even writing about her medical stuff. The ‘ick’ factor is so high. And maybe that’s why I take a hard line with people who do that sort of thing.

The saddest part? She thinks I’m just being mean and doesn’t understand why people feel she’s doing anything wrong. She’s turned on the ‘welllll…excuse me for being poor and needing money”. She doesn’t get it. And never will.

@PrincessJenn, I know. I get burned up when people do things like this. Especially ones who claim their child died. I buried a kid. I know what that feels like and for somebody to make shit like that up, well, it’s just disgusting. I’m so glad you stood your ground and made sure you were heard with her. I hope she gets some help for whatever addiction or mental illness she has. It makes me sad for her and her “kids”

AHHHHH! My brother cannot keep a job to save his life, has been living on and off with my parents for years, is working on his 19th relationship, and has 2 children he refuses to pay child support for–and yet, my parents treat him like he is gold.

I’ve been working since I was 12, have several degrees, am in Graduate School, work full time,have been married to the same person for 14 years, raise 2 kids (one with issues)…and I’M the “bad one?” Whatever.

I’m over the entitlement, and I’ll be damned if I teach my children to act like that.

See, I’m not entirely sure this is a generational thing. I can think of at least 2 people online off the top of my head who are decidedly older than GenY (hell, they’re older than me & I’m 35) and they repeatedly ask for handouts on their blogs. And I’m related to someone WAY older (like, in her 60s) who’s totally irresponsible with money and who expects other people (her grown children) to fix her financial problems for her.

So, yes, maybe there is some ingrained sense of narcissism or entitlement among the GenY crowd. But I think the problem extends far beyond that.

I’m a GenY and seriously, my peers shit me to tears. Everything my husband and I have we have worked our asses off for. We’ve been to hell and back both in our relationship, finances and emotionally and we have come out the other side because WE worked for it and WE earned it. My brother owes my parents $5000 (They are just as much to blame for stupidly loaning it to him, if you ask me!) and they’ll never see a cent of it. He actually had the gall to say ‘take it out of my inheritance”.

That’s the other thing that shits me. This expectation that you will be left an inheritance from family.. I hope my parents spend every last cent they have before they leave this world – they’ll have lived happily and fulfilled. I’ll happily earn my own way – I don’t need other people’s money.