An investment bank director and champion of non-binary gender identities talks to Financial News about coming out at a large institution

From around the age of four, I knew I felt slightly different. I knew I liked to have the stereotypical boys’ toys and clothes but equally I knew that I liked princess dresses, tiaras and makeup. I also knew from an early age that I liked girls, so it wasn’t a sexuality thing, but I knew I liked to have different forms of expression.

I told my wife after we got married. Back then I didn’t fully comprehend the depth of how important expressing differently was going to be to me later on in life. I guess initially I thought it was something that I would continue doing privately and it was not a problem, sometimes expressing as a woman at home when I felt the need to. Whereas as I’ve matured, it’s become more apparent that although it does not define me, it is an innate part of who I am.

I have two amazing children, aged 18 and 21, and have been married for over 22 years. At home my children have never known any different. They have always known that dad likes to express differently at different times. It always amazes me how supportive and strong they are. They get the importance of what this means to me and I know that they all love me unconditionally for who I am, not how I choose to express.

For me, being gender fluid means I am non-binary, at no fixed point on the gender expression spectrum. I personally have no desire to transition — it doesn’t affect my physical makeup, whereas for others that identify the same, they do wish to transition — there really are no hard and fast rules as these are only labels.

The best analogy is that it’s exactly the same as when you are choosing what clothes to wear. You have an internal preference and think, ‘Right, today I have a preference for wearing a dress or trousers or a peplum skirt or trainers or high heels’. It’s purely a preference. There is no other physical driver, it’s more internal.

I picked "gender fluid" as my preferred identity term about four years ago. Some of the old fashioned horrible terms like transvestite have a lot of negative connotations. I knew I didn’t like those, it didn’t quite encapsulate how I felt. I am swishing around between my gender expression and thought that “gender fluid” is a really good representation. To me it’s synonymous to how a lady may choose to wear a dress, heels and makeup one day yet trousers, flats and no makeup another — these are just internal preferences of how we choose to express at any given time.

Coming out in the office

I decided to come out at work about three and a half years ago and for me, this was a big deal.

I’d reached a point in my life where I thought, It’s really silly me hiding this, why am I putting on this facade and keeping all this hidden at work? I knew that I had a supportive firm and an amazing manager, and I had the feeling that it wasn’t going to be an issue.

Back then, close personal friends at work knew. I introduced it on social events, going to fancy dress parties or sometimes I’d do things after work, and tell people 'Oh, Phil is coming along as Pippa.' Then when I felt more comfortable, I chose to ramp it up by bringing this into the everyday corporate world. It was a little scary.

I guess my biggest concern was how I would be accepted and what people would think of me, especially for those that did not understand the different trans identities.

I spoke to our diversity and inclusion group to give them a heads up. They had never come across someone that was gender fluid. They were very supportive, but it was a journey. They needed to get up to speed to understand that trans is an umbrella term and is not just about those that wish to transition.

The next week, I decided what days I wanted to turn up as Pippa rather than Phil. By that stage all of my team were aware.

I remember thinking very carefully about my first set of corporate outfits. I chose a lovely, chic yet professional dress and black high heels. I was happy to exhibit my individuality but wary that I needed to exude the right image.

While I was worried on my first day, Christophe — my amazing boss at the time, who has sadly now passed way — made such a difference in making it clear to me that he and the entire firm were fully supportive.

There were quite a few weeks where I felt quite anxious, because you would feel that people are looking at you, even though you know full well that they support you.

Whether it is from board level down to lower junior levels, it has really surprised me the amount of support and positivity I’ve received. That is something I didn’t expect. It’s still something that people need to get their heads around, but understanding and acceptance is a lot better now than it was 10 years ago.

Now I split my time as Pippa and Philip about 50/50. There will be some weeks where I’ll do a lot less as Pippa or Phil; other weeks, it may be more. It really fluctuates based on how I feel.

I only really know how I will prefer to express on any given day when I wake up. I’ve never changed how I choose to express based on who I am meeting on that day.

I do have a massive wardrobe. I have got more high heels than my daughter and wife put together. For me, there is a lot more expression in clothes for people that choose to express as female. When I look at a lot of male fashion, it’s a lot more toned down. I find a lot more freedom expressing as a female.

My makeup probably takes about 45 minutes to put on in the morning as I have more to cover up than many! I love it. For me, it’s artistic.

Being visible at work

I was fortunate that I’m quite senior, I’m a director and head of global markets core engineering integration components. I’m very established. Having a network of friends and allies that are watching your back makes a big difference.

I have a pass card that has photos of me as both Pippa and Phil on it. That took many, many months to get in place but at least I know that for subsequent people, this will be another obstacle already sorted.

We’ve got trans education videos at Credit Suisse, educational guidebooks for our staff and I often present to internal and external groups. I did a massive global town hall for the private banking group to encourage people to sign up to be an LGBT ally and to educate them about the different trans identities.

For me, the biggest thing driving LGBT inclusion are ally programmes, which I co-lead for at Credit Suisse. This allows our employees to become allies to the LGBT community, learn about the different identities and help foster a work environment that is open and inclusive to all.

I know a lot of people, not just in this company but in others, who feel that they are somewhere on the trans spectrum but not yet ready to come out. I have known friends that identify as trans yet, sadly, have taken their own lives, as they felt they would never be accepted. This was some time ago, and I genuinely think that if ally programmes were available back then, it would be a very different story and they would still be with us today.

A surprising number of random people reach out to me. Sometimes it might be as many as seven in a month. Even in Canary Wharf, I still have people coming up to me if I’m out in a bar — men dressed in suits, people that look very much like Phil, very corporate, normal… whatever normal is. They will wait until I go up to the bar on my own and they will then approach me and say, 'I’d really like to be like you, I’ve been doing this for so many years and I don’t know how to progress.'

For people that want to come out as trans at work, I’d say, do not underestimate the positive effects coming out can have on you and how positively it reflects on your company. To not embrace that is a travesty because you will not be happy in yourself and your firm will not benefit from you being a truly rounded, fully engaged and authentic person.

So, I think the thing is to be confident and try and get support internally or externally. Reach out to some of the ally networks, LGBT committees or external groups for support and advice on how to approach it, and what your options are. Don’t underestimate the positive impact coming out can have — it’s an amazing thing.