Looks Like There’s Plenty Of Room To Dry Hump At The Braves’ New Ballpark

The Atlanta Braves said they needed a brand new ballpark to get people to watch them lose in person, but it turns out they’re just like my 91-year-old grandfather’s large intestine: full of shit.

Sure, the 2017 MLB season is younger than a girl Roman Polanski likes to rape, but only 76 percent of the seats at SunTrust Park have been “filled” so far, and when you take into consideration that that number is strictly tickets sold, the amount of people who have actuallyshowed up to Atlanta’s new ballpark this year is much less. Seriously, watch a clip from Tuesday’s Nationals-Braves game, and you’ll see that the stadium was two-thirds empty.

The clip we chose to watch? You guessed it: an eight-second job of a young “lady” showing her boo how much she loves him:

Based on the size of that broad’s poop chute, our first guess was that it belonged to Kim Kardashian. Of course, we were quickly proven wrong once we realized the guy she was dry humping was white.

Now sure, it wasn’t your full-steam ahead kind of a dry hump, but something tells us that this video only captured the beginning of what no doubt resulted in a nasty case of zipper dick and perhaps eventually an “oops kid.”

And based on the fact that she was willing to go even that far inside a Major League Baseball stadium, our guess is that it wouldn’t be her first…