Simply Yes

Simply Yes

Today we start a brand new series for February…. “Better Together.” This month we’ll be sharing our hearts about the ever-popular topic: Relationships!

I think everyone of us single ladies have dreamt about the man God has for us. What he’ll look like, what kind of car he’ll drive, how we’ll live happily ever after, how he’ll propose. But between now and that special, forever “YES,” I’ve found there will be a lot of “NO’s.”

And the NO’s can be challenging to express. Often we don’t want to deliver rejection to a man who’s interested in us, so we avoid it, skirt around it, or drop vague hints.

And we lead them on.

This can be super confusing to guys because I’ve found they tend to be (typically) pretty straightforward about their level of interest. Any kind of mixed signals we read from them are potentially due to something we did/said that confusd them.

Talk about COMPLICATED.

Here are some things we ladies do that lead men on:

-Keeping a guy guessing just for the thrill of being chased.

-Not giving a clear response to his request.

-Texting them back flirtatiously even after we’ve already said “let’s just be friends.”

-Seeking them out in person and striking up playful conversation just so they can see how pretty we look.

Of course you know why we must be straightforward with men about our feelings/interest (or, in particular, the lack thereof). But all of us need to be reminded from time to time why we need to be honest and not lead them on.

Here are a few reasons that come to mind:

1. Guys are more sensitive than you might think. It takes a lot of courage for a man to risk rejection and pursue a woman.

2. We want to respect our future mates, so fostering an attitude of respect starts with us now. It’s just straight-up disrespectful to lead a guy on.

3. We want to share open and honestcommunication with our future husbands, and this area is a great opportunity to practice.

Here are some practical ways to clarify our communication and not lead guys on:

–Prayer. We are children of God, led by the Spirit of God, and He will show us what to do, what to say, etc. We just have to ask Him for wisdom (James 1:5).

–Accountability. Confide in a friend if you’re struggling in this area so she can keep you accountable to being honest with the men in your life. Or if you’ve said no and are feeling pulled back into a wrong relationship, get accountability.

–Modesty. If the way we dress is overtly alluring, guys can read it as us trying to catch their eye. (For more on modesty, check out this blog.)

–Check our hearts. What’s our motive for talking to Charlie after church every Sunday? Why do we constantly text Sam even though we already know we don’t want to date him? Let’s examine our motivation for seeking their attention.

–Say no or nothing at all. Sometimes guys don’t get the hint at first and we need to be straightforward and just say, “I am flattered by your interest but I don’t feel the same.” Or if they still don’t get it, just stop responding to their messages.

Please don’t read any of this as insensitivity or a blanket guideline for every situation. There are probably 40 other blogs that could branch out of everything I’ve packed into this one, but bottom line, I want to challenge you sweet ladies:

We are led by the Holy Spirit (Romans 8:14); confident, satisfied, and secure in Him.

We are ThirtyOne women (virtuous, capable, intelligent) who respect the men in our lives. We are brave, honest and the law of kindness is on our tongues.

As ThirtyOne women, let’s encourage one another to not lead guys on. Let’s prayerfully consider each pursuer, leaning on the One Who already satisfies our heart, loves us unconditionally, and meets all our needs (Psalm 23:1). Let’s rest contently in His love for us, rather than seeking out attention from others. And finally,

“Let your Yes be simply Yes, and your No be simply No; anything more than that comes from the evil one.” {‭Matthew‬ ‭5‬:‭37‬ AMP}

As much as we want to “let him down gently,” or “sugarcoat” it, we need to lovingly

speak the truth and let our yes be simply yes and our no be simply no. God doesn’t make things complicated. He intended for this to be SIMPLE. But we have to speak simply. Yes. or No.

Then, one day when that we finally do speak our YES, it will be honest, respectful, and wholehearted.