Category: new story

Therapy has given me the power to control my emotions. It also gave me the knowledge that I am not my feelings. The past no longer stops me from being consistent in pursuing my goals.

Without the constant interruptions of Depression, PTSD and the time spent regaining control I am able to realize my dreams of living in my purpose.

To those looking from the outside it may appear that I am slow,. I have been judged with people saying that I should be further along than I am, but they don’t know the struggle to get here in a place of peace. A place of trusting God and the God in me.

Therapy essentially taught me how to cope. Because of childhood trauma and a dysfunctional environment I wasn’t taught healthy coping skills. My therapist gave me practical things to do that were meant to develop new skills for coping. I had to learn how to recognize habits that did not serve me well and replace them with tools that I would ultimately use for the rest of my life Therapy was mostly about understanding self, figuring out how what happened to me affected me. It was about unlearning, relearning and replacing unhealthy coping with healthy coping. Awareness is just the beginning. Practicing my new skills don’t come naturally I fall often to what is comfortable but I must say I am quick to recover. I used to wallow in depression and self pity because I did not know any other way to be. Thanks God for therapy. #therapyworks

Graduation Pictures

I graduated from their Small Business Start Up Certificate Program on May 12th. Professors from Paradise Valley Community College sacrificed their time and energy to teach us every Saturday morning from 9:30-2:00. I did not miss one Saturday from September to May.

My book The Souls’ Poetry is the catalyst for my Business The Souls’ Poetry LLC where my mission is “To Lead Women in the LGBTQI community to commit to and complete therapy.” The Souls’ Poetry

No one is talking about the violence that women do to other women in their relationships. I want to start the conversation about how to heal so that we have more healthy interactions.

I now have a GREAT Professional Business Plan. Next step of my strategy is to get licensed to do business. My focus will be to use writing and poetry workshops to help women to give voice to the pain endured from DV (domestic violence) and IPV (intimate partner violence) that may have resulted in PTSD. There is a severe lack of education behind the walls of shelters for domestic violence about PTSD. I want to use these workshops to get the information out there about the different types of abuse, provide resources and peer support. All of this takes money so pray for me that all will be provided.

The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world so my long term goal is to have an organization that supports Mothers that have mental illness.

My book is soon to be published. Anyone that has self published a book or started a small business understands the tedious process. I am encouraged because I am much closer now thanks to all of the support I have received mostly from women.

Life after therapy is wonderful. I never knew I could be so happy and accomplish so much. I’m not whole if my SisStar isn’t whole. Your healing is my healing. #GirlGetYouSomeHelp

Anybody that knows even the very basic about me knows that 11 is my number. I actually started seeing 11’s everywhere in 2011. On any clock anywhere I would see 1111 or 111 a.m and p.m. I would see it on the most random items like what time someone called me or how long the message was they left on voice mail. It got to the point it spooked me and I did my due diligence research. I found out so many interesting facts about the number 11. According to Numerology I am an 11.

I said all that to say how cool is that? I sat down to create a new post and happen to notice that this is my 111th post.

I take this as a tap on the shoulder from the Universe that I am on the right path. I see it as God smiling on me. I feel connected to the all. The energetic power to create your version of happiness. The energy in our soul placed there and filled with desire by God. Bliss is finding your purpose and fulfilling it. There is a huge reward for killing your demons in therapy.

My soul chose this path to heal itself. With that being my belief there is no room for regret. I follow the urging of my soul. Some call it intuition or “a gut feeling” or maybe even God speaking. We cant really explain it but it usually serves our highest good if we follow.

So on today as I reflect on all this blog has allowed me to accomplish it get chills as I realize just how far I have come and that my readers and followers have taken this journey to healing with me.

When I started this blog I could not finish my book because the poetry was so triggering and would cause a decline in my mental health that usually landed me in the hospital. I look through the archives and see that the journey was long and hard but my perseverance, resilience and passionate commitment to heal lead me through.

Now I am able to share my story without the tears, heartache, triggers and flashbacks. This is what healing looks like. I am a success story so that other women can see that if I can do it they can too. The same God that blessed me and carried me through the worst will do the same for them also.

There were days when the grief was all consuming and it seemed it would never end. Anger was the river of blood I swam in because it was unfair that the victim had to fix herself. But as I remember how horrific remembering is I remember how the emotions were devastating because it is reliving it again and sometimes over and over until the feelings don’t dont have the same meaning. Healing is painful and it takes a lot of courage but the other side is so worth it.

To be able to help other women and men be inspired enough to do the work necessary to be free is my life’s purpose. I say work because I don’t want to sugar coat it. It fucking sucks that you have to undo what has been done unto to you.

But when I look at it from a holistic spiritual perspective and believe that there really is a purpose for all of this pain. There is sunshine after the rain.