Once
upon a fair frown timeline, there was a little Jack Rabbit who said,
"The wind in this town gives me the goosies."

"No"
said Tinker Nipple, in that superior tone that we are all loathe to
hate. "It is the town in this wind that gives you the goosies."

"What
are goosies?" enquired Frog Licker trying to be cool like the
rest of them. Well on this fine day as the young boys and girls
squabbled over the term 'goosies' and the amount of kilojoules in
cola, in another part of the world something much more important was
happening.

The
Count of Pimpletonia was doing a happy bunny dance. His audience
found it quite off, because the Count was not a rabbit at all, but a
HARE! At that very moment, some passing bunnies decided to attack
the poor little Count of Pimpletonia because he had stolen their
dance. By then had given it up, but it was too late. The bunnies
all went out for napkin-flavoured milkshakes. But one sad bunny, by
the name of Jilly Joe James, was in a torment.

But
nobody cared about him so I'll just tell you the story of Mr Adam's
Apple. Now it was a fine day by the pool and Mr Adam's Apple laid
down next to the pool and started to retell the story of his one true
love:

"It
was a lovely day," Mr Adam's Apple remembered. "I was half
way to forgetting that my shoes were filled with sand and just as I
bent down to remove the dunes from my shoes, a gorgeous man caught my
eye. 'Mmmm he's attractive,' I told the woman sitting next to
me. 'Umm,' she had said, 'that in fact is a woman.' 'Oh,'
I said, 'I don't believe you.' 'Well,' she said, 'I'll
prove it.' She hurled one of the biggest rocks on the ground at
the poor beautiful looking man/woman. 'Oh my god who the fuck
threw that rock!' Yep it was definitely a woman, she had used that
stupid little accent that stupid little American women use when there
so full of the magazine lifestyle. Anyway I decided to pursue my
fight for this woman."

'I
like your accent,' I lied.

'I
like your sincerity,' she nodded.

'I
like your manliness.'

'I
like your femininity and your sand and your skill at rock throwing.
Let's get married.'"

So
I got married to this gorgeous angel. Pamelton adored the magazine
lifestyle, she had page numbers on the bottom of all her dresses and
owned a little Chihuahua dog like all the snobby magazine people own.
Like Paris Hilton, whom she looked up to because she was much
shorter than Paris Hilton."

Pamelton
had no record of her background and it was rumoured that her father
(whom she had never met) was once the factory worker at the horse
shoe glue factory. Now there's a big story behind that rumour, but
in fact Mr Adam's Apple's father was also a factory worker at the
horse shoe glue factory and this was some HUGE COINCIDENCE that
neither Pamelton or Mr Adam Apple could come to terms with. Now
since they were so keen to find out who Pamelton's parents were
they went to a place that allegedly held all her records. It told
her that in fact it was her father that worked in the horse shoe glue
factory and it was in fact the same father that MR ADAMS APPLE HAD!

They
were disgusted, revolted, dam right eaten out of their guts that they
had in fact shared their love dramatically every night since the
wedding. They had planned to have at least fifty-four children, with
the first set of twins on the way. Everything was ruined but they
could not deny the love they held for each other.

So
they went to a support group for sibling lovers. There they met many
other couples in a similar situation to their own. It made them
think that it was not wrong, if so many people followed the trend,
and they had dinner that very night with a hairy-eyed couple from the
very group. They ate china plates and the lady with hair protruding
from her eyeballs had crabs. She also ordered crabs.

But
that night Pamelton slept on her pile of magazines, not in the bath
tub with Mr Adams Apple. She had read in one of her magazines that
brotherly love was going out of style. Mr Adams Apple was terrified
of losing her, so that night Mr Adams Apple snuck into the store room
at her work (she worked to financial trend eating magazine) and he
decided to compose a new article and submit it as annonnymouse. (he
could not spell). The other articles said all the usual things that
gets one into in the world, the generic stereotypes and recipes for
cellulite and custard tarts. Mr Adams Apple was so intrigued by the
women's world that he forgot what he had come in for... and it
stayed that way.

Pamelton
left her brother and found a new partner. She had later found out
this woman was her long lost unidenticle twin that had been separated
from her at birth. By now you can see how horribly messed up
Pamelton was and in her misery she decided to commit suicide, seeing
as the only people that loved her physically were close family.

Pameleton
decided to try every drug in the book to take all at the one time to
make sure she succeeded at killing herself. she robbed the pharmacy
of laxatives, anal support drugs, vitamins abcdefghij and k, anti
depressants, fat burning liquid, garlic tablets, gonorrheae drugs,
clogged artery pain killers, and all the usual Panadol, aspro clears,
Nurafin and Panamax.

None
of the drugs worked. She turned to the anti depressants as a last
resort and these, miraculously, made her un-depressed. She decided
to stop complaining and go get her cutlery set back from her sister.

A
day or two later she realised that her parents (whom she had met the
day before) only had her through IVF because her twin sister had
cancer and in order to keep her alive they needed Pameleton's
kidneys. Pameleton was so furious with rage that her parents were so
self centred that she took them straight to court and ordered a right
to take care of her own body. She was happy that she won and was
just about to go home and celebrate when she got hit by a car and was
traumatically flattened by the impact of the bull bar that she died
instantly and no body even cared ::(

THE
END

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