Best known as the Opportunity Expert based on my proprietary leadership methodology called, "the immigrant’s perspective” that defines the characteristics to be a 21st century leader. This methodology promotes the idea of leading through a lens of opportunity – that is enabled through a mindset of continuous survival, renewal and reinvention. That if leaders embrace the immigrant’s perspective, they will have a distinct advantage in business by being able to see and seize previously unseen opportunities, and opportunities others don’t see at all. I am a former C-suite corporate executive and entrepreneur of several successful companies – my firm (Glenn Llopis Group) is a thought-leadership, human capital and business strategy consultancy. We enable corporations to develop their leadership identity to further define and implement go-to-market strategies. Most of my writings, speaking engagements and consulting assignments focus on leadership, change management, Hispanics in America, career advancement, marketing diversity management, entrepreneurship, business development and turn-around operations. I am the author of Earning Serendipity: 4 Skills for Creating and Sustaining Good Fortune in Your Work; Why a Personal Employee Brand will Save Your Career and Your Workplace, Preparing U.S. Leadership for the Cultural Demographic Shift, Awakening the Latino Factor and Women Must Dive In, Not Just Lean In. I make frequent appearances on local and national TV, including CNN, Fox, ABC, NBC, and Univision. Circle me on Google+

Mentoring Gone Wrong Can Create Long-Lasting Damage

Mentoring is about sharing experiences, hardships and knowledge to help others best use their innate skills to grow and advance organically. It should represent the valuable insights and wisdom to help your mentee leap ahead authentically. Unfortunately, too many mentors mismanage the mentee relationship as they focus their time and attention on helping their mentee become more like them rather than strengthening their mentee’s potential. As a result, the mentee becomes more dependent upon their mentor - thus weakening their confidence and creating confusion in the process. Mentoring gone wrong is common and the damage inflicted could last a life time.

Just because you have seniority and/or hold a position of authority – it doesn’t mean that you are qualified to be a mentor. A mentor should be an individual that has experienced both hardship and success that can benefit a potential mentee (regardless of their hierarchy or rank). That’s why “mentor matching” is so critically important. Unfortunately, most people that seek mentorship are desperate and eager for advice. As such, they are not aware of the damage that can be done if they find a mentor with the wrong qualifications, profile or expectations.

While I was fortunate to have found good mentors early in my career, I once had a mentor that mismanaged the relationship. His name was Mike and he was my senior manager. At first, he served as a sounding board and sought to help me navigate the political terrain within the organization. He made sure that I didn’t let myself get blindsided. While his guidance was effective, people within the organization started to call me “Mike’s puppet” and other names. I soon found myself losing my identity at a time when I was in search of making a name for myself. As I became more successful – Mike received the credit. He soon found himself getting a promotion. It’s as if I was helping Mike reach his goals before I was accomplishing mine. Even in my personal life my friends felt that my demeanor was changing; that something was different about my approach and style. After six months, I decided to slowly start disconnecting myself from Mike and took what he taught me and applied it my way – not his. Suddenly people took notice, they heard me (respectfully) challenge Mike’s ideas in meetings and saw how I was taking more ownership and a more assertive leadership role in the department. Executive management witnessed my potential and soon I defined my own identity within the organization. I was able to prove that with proper guidance and direction – my impact and influence on the business could multiply – as shown in my overall performance and results. As for Mike, he became jealous and our relationship became strained. What I realized was that Mike wanted me to be like him. While he was extremely effective at helping me mature within my role and responsibilities, he only cared about taking the credit for it. Mike had an ulterior motive. Two years later, after several promotions, I took over Mike’s leadership role and he left the organization.

Mentorship is a powerful tool when managed responsibly. As a mentor, it’s never about you – it’s about your mentee. Mentoring is helping those that entrust you with their concerns, problems and insecurities to succeed and advance. If the mentee is able to reciprocate, that is a bonus but shouldn’t be expected. Unfortunately, I see too many people want to become a mentor for the wrong reason. As I came to learn the hard way, it is important to understanding a mentor’s intentions before the relationship starts. Failure to do so may result in negative effects that can weaken the mentee’s ability to advance.

How do you know when a mentoring relationship was successful? The relationship lasts forever. The mentor stays in touch with your journey and is ready when called upon. The good mentor recognizes they played an important role in your development at that specific moment in your career/life. A good mentor does not indefinitely assume the mentor role (unless the mentee acknowledges the intention). The most responsible mentors are aware that their mentees mature along the way and hope to support them as they continue to evolve people both in and outside of the workplace. Many times, the mentee out-grows their mentor and a good mentor understands and respects that fact. The good mentors are the ones that feel good inside knowing that they made a difference in your success.

You can detect those people that have had good mentoring relationships – as they are the ones eager to mentor others. They recognize the power of this relationship when done properly and want to give back as a result of their own success.

Post Your Comment

Post Your Reply

Forbes writers have the ability to call out member comments they find particularly interesting. Called-out comments are highlighted across the Forbes network. You'll be notified if your comment is called out.

Good points about what it takes for mentoring to have a positive outcome, but the author overstates the extent, duration and impact of the outcome when things don’t go well. Even the author’s own personal example of a mentor hoping to clone and take credit for the work of another, doesn’t seem to lead to any long-term damage that couldn’t easily be overcome.

While the author’s example of what can go wrong in a mentoring relationship can occur, it’s not very common, and as the author states can be prevented with appropriate matching. However, more important than matching to prevent these kind of problems is clarity of expectations and training. These two activities are much more likely to prevent problems such as the author identified.

Interesting post. What I’ve discovered is that the mentor gains as much or more from the relationship as the mentee. I do not mean this from a selfish, ladder-climbing perspective, just that value flows both both directions and often in unexpected ways.

Great article. Yes, mentoring relationships can be quite challenging. Even when the mentor/mentee are appropriately matched, if either one of the parties lack appropriate communication skills, this can lead to the downfall of the relationship. In addition, both parties have to be committed to the relationship and making it work. Some individuals just aren’t that committed and don’t know how to deal with “hard” issues. Mentoring should be seen as a “partnership” and the mentor should not be grooming/moulding the mentee into his/her own likeness; s/he should be helping the mentee to reach his or her own potential based on his or her interests. Despite having a bad experience, I am committed to finding a mentor willing to take that long and possibly hard journey with me… maybe not as a never-ending mentoring relationship, but transitioning over to a collegial relationship or even a close friendship.