Monday, August 14, 2006

Birthday Confusion

This was the first year since the birth of my son that I was not able to see him when he woke up to wish him a happy birthday. I got through it though. Had it been last year-well that would have been a different story. I did call over to his father's to wish him a happy birthday, however he wasn't up yet. He called me back about an hour later. He was so excited when I wished him a happy birthday. He giggled when I asked him how old he was. I asked if he wanted five kisses or five spankings...he wanted the five kisses of course.

I picked him up from his dad's for lunch. He chose to go to Red Lobster. Same place as last year, but that was okay, it was his birthday. We spent a few hours together before I needed to get him back to his dad's, who was having a party for him that day, which my little man knew nothing about.It was a difficult day on Sunday after picking him up. He was so excited about all the gifts he got, although he didn't know from who, or who some people were at the party. The sad thing was that he wanted to bring some of his toys here, to mom's house, but his dad told him they had to stay at dad's house. My little guy questioned me as to why that was. Now, how in the world am I suppose to answer that? Especially in a nice way. (Eduardo, I know you're gonna have a good answer.) ~flygirl~

14 comments:

Fly girl. . . I think that I wouldn't make a big deal out of the toy thing. . . he will get the gist of the way things are as he gets bigger. . . he just doesn't get that there are still a lot of hard feelings between parents and families. . . There will always be things that are ok at dad's and things that are ok at mom's. . . and it is ok. . . You are doing a great job. . . Ciao

This whole transition is tough it sounds like Flygirl.You will find the appropriate answers for him.His Dad wants the little man to have his new toys to play with at HIS house so YOU will have the same plan at you house maybe? It is confusing for little people during break ups but you got a good head on your shoulders Flygirl.All the best.Thanks for sharing~

Oh I'm so sorry, I have late Birthday wishes to the gorgeous little man of yours!!! Happy Happy 5th birthday and 5 big Ozzie hugs comming his way!Aah, love the pirate bag! I've been there with you, not being able to hug and cuddle on their special day but had to wait my turn, it's awfull, and sometimes I blame being a mum for it, our love is just sooo strong it's killing us! Again, hang in there!

It must have been hard on you but this isn't about you, it's about your little man and what makes him happy. (Sorry, don't mean to sound so harsh) It sounds like he had a tremendous time at his dad's house and you mustn't let your bitterness creep into his relationship with his dad - just say the toys are there to play with at his dad's house, just like he has toys at your house to play with when he is there with you.

It sounds like he has a loving and close relationship with you and your time is much more important than any toy.

I just want to comment that it hurts me that his father is being so bitter about all of this. I let my little man take whatever he wants when he goes to his dads. I never tell him it has to stay here at moms. I think that is why he is confused. I told him that he needs to ask his dad why he can't bring things to his other home.

I think you handled it right. This goes to the heart of why it takes really big people to divorce well.

In all cases, I think you do best by ignoring the dictates you don't have any control over and referring your son as you have back to his Dad.

Eventually the Lil Man is best equipped to wear him down... and he will. This entire episode is really about Dad's desire to punish you. I strongly suspect it has something to do with wanting to lessen the good time that Lil Man is likely to have at your place. Perhaps even building up the anticipation for a return to Dad's.

Unless your Ex is a real piece of work, all of this is probably happening subconsciously for him. But I don't think it changes your response, even if it isn't.

The worst thing you can do is treat your son to more toys or more joys to "even things out". You'll make him insufferable that way, I am convinced.