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tendai

steveangel - sorry u're feeling so terrible, u've got quite a bit on your plate. i hope u can pick up the phone soon and call the george house people so they can help you cope. we all handle this differently but i do know support is very important to have especially now. it'll be even better if both of you get support together for the sake of your relationship. about the oral sex, i've read that its very very low risk to infect someone that way. Have you read the Lessons page on this site? It has so much information about safer sex that will answer your questions. Maybe u could try different types of condoms, like the female one or non-latex ones? I hope your tears dry up soon and you both can smile again..

Keeping - get well soon. its cold season here and im just recovering from a cold. plus i got a nice huge zit or something on my jaw which scared me silly coz i thought it was shingles starting, fortunately it wasnt and its getting better bit by bit

Betty - how goes the non-smoking?

Cindy - good luck at work. i hope they dont fire you. hows the neck today?

my sisters taking my brother home for home based care if they cant get an x-ray taken. either theres no doctor or they dont have films or its some damn excuse. they say they cant treat him without an xray then make it impossible to have the xray done. he might have to get it done in another town if we can afford it.

im thinking of changing jobs. dr evil tipped the scales shouting at me on friday about being disorganised what-what. i felt so shitty i went and cried in the toilet for 30mins. miserable the whole weekend till i decided sunday night that maybe its time i moved on. maybe he's just tolerating me coz he feels sorry for me about my status and doesnt know how to fire me or something. maybe i'll just save him the trouble and resign. the way he talks its like he's begging me to resign.. i dont know. some stress just isnt worth it in the end..

Our sex life is terrible at the moment, due to the issue of us having to use condoms when we have sex with each other (see above re anti-biotics from using condoms a week ago) We asked our doc and he said that although he advises we should use them due to the re-infection issue that as long as steve doesnt ejaculate in me then we can if we dont want use them. This is the confusing bit so anyone with advice then throw it my way.

I have read that for a HIV+ female to pass it to a male is pretty rare (although can happen) So a pretty small chance of me re-infecting steve, if he doesnt ejaculate in me that chance of him re-infecting me is reduced too. Is this right?

Also does anyone knows the oral stats me to him and vice versa, im guessing for male giving oral to female the chance of me passing something is pretty slim, but what about me giving him oral.

sorry to get so graphic but we did have a rather healthy sex life and now its at NIL.

im hoping for no tears todayAngelxxxthanks again

Hi Angel,

From what I've read of your other posts, it looks like you two share the same infection - in other words, either you got it from him or he got it from you. You can't reinfect each other with something you already have.

The whole reinfection thing (it's also called "superinfection" - that's super as in "superimposed", not as in super-duper.) is more theory than reality anyway. There's only been a few proven cases and they mainly happened when the person was in the early stages of their primary infection and went bareback with someone who WASN'T the source of their primary infection.

My bf and I are both poz - he's the source of my infection - and we don't use condoms. I wouldn't even consider it. Our doctor knows and we have his blessings. My bf is on meds, I'm not, but he has no resistance issues so there's no conceivable problem. These days I don't have to worry about him picking up some other STI... unlike a dozen years ago or so when he was a bit of a rascal. Funny how becoming positive can calm a person down. Ah well, better late than never I suppose.

Hang in there hun. It will get better with time.

Oh, and if you want to know more about reinfection/superinfection, do a forum search. There's been quite a few threads on the subject through the years.

Oh, and another thing (LOL) - is the problem with condoms that they irritate you? Latex irritates me. It's not a proper allergy, but it is a sensitivity. If you can't bring yourselves to dispense with the condoms like my bf and I have, try out polyurethane ones. They're marketed in the UK as Avanti. They're dear though, and you probably won't be able to get them free at the clinic.

BTW, don't know if you know or not, but I live in the Isle of Man and I go to clinic in Liverpool. There's a place there called Sahir House and they have support groups. The women's group is quite well attended. I'm not sure how close to Liverpool you are, but I'm assuminig that if you've been refered to GHT you must be in the Northwest somewhere. Let me know if you want contact details for Sahir House.

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Queen, so have you been out traveling around much? I think all cats gain weight when they get "fixed." I've had a male and two females in the past that did that. The cat I have now was already spade when I got her and she's quite chunky.

Keeping, I hope you get over that cold soon. I start school Sept. 2nd. I think we're starting late because my campus is moving. So, they're probably still moving stuff into it. I think the main campus (which is in another city) starts the end of August. I'm glad your new class is going well.

Cindy, I hope your neck feels better. Get Ice to massage it. Why do you think they're going to fire you? That doesn't make sense. Good luck with that and please let us know how it goes.

Angel, you will feel better with time, I promise. It does help to have someone to talk to face to face. I hope you give that number a call soon. Also, maybe that agency Ann was talking about would be helpful. Might be, to talk to other women, if it's close by.

Tendai, I absolutely love the title of the thread! Do you have another job prospect? Over here, especially in one city east of me, jobs are getting more and more scarce. The city east of me is called Elkhart and it's like the RV manufacturer of the world. And yes, the plant that made those horrible trailors the people who survived Katrina are living in and getting sick from is in Elkhart. I don't know what's going to become of that. The plant said it wasn't their fault. Anyway, I hope things work out. You are right-sometimes the stress will kill ya before anything else. I don't want that to happen to you. God knows, life over there is hard enough for you.

Mum, I sure wish you would check in, tell us about the trip, and post some pictures. I'm dying to hear about it and see the pics!

I'm just waiting to go to the Hope. This is my last day of volunteering this week. Good thing too; it's in the city south of me (which is only like 20 minutes away), but with an 8-cylinder (Netta knows what I'm talking about) it's hell on gas. I'm broke now and hope I have enough gas to make it until the beginning of next month. I have people in my life though who will help me (I just don't want to use up their help).

My gay best friend invited me out to dinner Friday night, his treat. Sometimes I really don't know what I did to deserve such good friends. I try to be the best friend back to them that's possible.

Saturday NA is having a picnic. My best friend and I will probably go to it. My best friend has been clean for 20 years (no booze, no type of any addictive drug). I met her in 1989 at an NA meeting and we've been friends ever since. Anyway, I'm not sure what this picnic is supposed to be about, if they're going to have a speaker etc., but hey, free food is free food. Alright, you ladies have a good day. I'll probably be back later.

Edited: OMG Ann, do you realize you have over 10,000 posts? Wow.

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I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Good Morning Ladies! This is going to be a quikie...LOL...ok mnd out of the gutter girls... Or maybe it's my mind??I'm off to my classroom to plan with my partners...One week from today the kids are back! I am kind of getting excited as I do every year.

Betty-You mentioned something about turning the post and cleaning with a solution. Well I asked the guy about turnng it and he said no. I guess it is not a regular post. It is super skinng and is kind of bent up like a big L...does that make sense? So far it is fine. It is a little tender when I touch in certain ways. Usually I forget about it and will rub and that's when I feel it, but no redness or anything!

I have been up since 9am and about 9:05 animal enforcement came and picked up Nef and Athena. As soon as he left, I was bawling. But the animal enforcement guy assured me they would be adopted out because they were in such good condition. No doubt cause they were my babies so they will get checked then adopted out at PetSmart or some other animal shelter. But I still feel like I let them down though I know I didn't. Tendai, I couldn't keep them because my new landlord would only allow me to have one cat. I think Lucifer realizes they are gone because he keeps going from room to room looking for them which breaks my heart even more.

Betty--Not really doing much traveling, just where I need to go. I am down to a half a tank so I have to stretch that out til check day. And Lucifer seems to wear his weight well, I guess I am just trying to get him toned...lol..hell I need to get myself toned...

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

hello girls, just checking in, like the name of the new post. I've been rally messing up with my meds, I've been so tired,too lazy to eat to take them! I get like this sometimes.I hope I Get some energy soon, some money would help lol.

Angel- welcome to the club- there will be good days and bad, remeber u are blessed to find out early! some folks are near death when they get diagnosed. About the sex, girl u get as much as you can and get some for me, cause, I just counted on one hand the number of times I had sex this year, and I still had fingers left over! lol hey does having sex with yourself count?To all my other sisters laugh when you want to cry, live life , u don't get any more chances after this one ! lOVE TO ALL

Andrea, I'm glad your nose is doing alright. When I got my face pierced, I had my nose, eyebrow and labre pierced (all at the same time). It looked really awful, having all of that pierced at once on my face and me being the age I am. It's cool if you're younger. I wish you would post a pic so we could see it. I can't believe the school year is almost here.

Queen, yeah, I have 1/2 tank also and have to make that last until the 3rd. It's rough being able to only go out when need be, but it beats not having a car. Hey, I need to get myself in shape also. When my best friend was over last night, she said my cat needs a kitty treadmill. She's right.

Ann, oh, I think when I posted a very few times in the Am I (to answer people) I lasted about 4 days. I couldn't take it and don't know how you, Matty, Rod and Andy do it. They would really provoke my ire, believe me. I can't believe in today's day and age still the lack of education and knowledge. It's amazing.

Netta, I hope you get some energy. If you need to eat with your meds and you don't feel like it, what about toast and milk or something light? Hey, about the sex stuff, heh. I have "sex with myself" about 1-2 times a week. It's been awhile, that's for sure. I'm glad I'm not the only one.

Things at the Hope were pretty normal today. A couple of the guys were talking to me and telling me some of their stories. Then one of the counselors came back to punch out and we started talking and the conversation ended up on HIV (she saw I'm reading a book about and by Elizabeth Glaser). I told her about myself and we had a good talk. Not like a counselor-patient talk, but just a person-to-person talk. So, all in all, today went well.

Tonight I was making something to eat and the girl who lives in front knocked on my door and asked me if I had seen anyone going into her apartment in the last few days. She said she's been gone for about a week and when she got home, her t.v. was on and there was a burner on on her stove. I told her I don't ever go up that way (it's on the other side of where I'm at) and don't really hear anything that goes on up there. I hope she's going to be alright. It might be one of her ex's.

Nothing to report other than that. My belly is getting so big, I hope I don't have to start buying larger jeans. I do pretty good during the day, then during the evening, it seems like I get a sweettooth. I'm not quite sure how to control that yet. Anyway, you ladies have a good evening.

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I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Hi ladies. I'm doing ok today. I went to the hospital to get the colonoscopy appointment and the prescription for the junk you drink prior to it. I also had to do a walk in at the clinic because when I had my birthcontrol filled last time they gave me the wrong kind. While I was waiting for them to fill the prescriptions I went and bought some underwear. My underwear drawer was getting scary. LOL pretty much nothing but granny panties and underwear with worn out elastic left in there.

Angel - I agree with Ann. I choose not to use condoms with my boyfriend. While there is a risk of reinfection because he was not the person that infected me we are aware of those risks and he does not ejaculate in me. I've been in a monogamous relationship for the last 5 years and I have been positive for 15 years so I am comfortable with my decision. You do what you feel is right for you. Doctors will give you the speech about condom use everytime they talk to you about sex. I've just been telling them yes I practice safe sex because otherwise they will jabber on and on about everthing I already know about safe sex and HIV. My sex life is none of their business and many of them know less about HIV and safe sex than I do.

As a for instance I've recently had two clinic workers at different times tell me to ignore my tcell count and that the CD4 percentage is unimportant that I should pay attention only to my viral load. Which is a load of crap in my opinion. These two saps where going on about how healthy I am because I have an undetectable viral load. LOL I know you aren't familiar with my health issues but my tcells are currently 136 I believe. My memory with my numbers sucks. I have had an AIDS diagnosis since 1994 and I've been struggling with intestinal issues this year. Don't worry I'll be fine. I've been through worse. I'm not going anywhere anytime soon. My point was that you knowing more about you and your health is a good thing. With education you will be able to decide what is best for you and with that knowledge you will be able to eventually weed out the nonsense that comes your way.

If you have any more questions about conflicting information you are getting feel free to ask. We might be able to help. Or at the very least it will give you the chance to vent.

Have been kinda in the dumps all day since the kitties left though I am feeling a little better now. I cooked a t-bone steak tonight with some broccoli and cauliflower in cheese sauce, it was banging. I am just gonna chill the rest of the night. I did write my son a short letter today and sent that off. I did go to visit him once and that was a total disaster. I could barely hear him on that damn jail phone and was hearing more of other people's conversations because they were talking so loud. He's bummed because he can't come live with me when he gets out whenever that is, because Section does not allow felons to be part of a household or something to that effect. So, he is hoping since he will soon be 18 that they will put him in a half way house which is what he needs.

And what is that about playing with one's self...Ewwwwww.....Nah, just kidding. I have a B.O.B. and I enjoy myself whenever possible. But if I had a man, BOB would prolly be laid off and he deserves it....

Hi Angel, sorry you have been so upset. Ann told you all of the right things. I have a neg BF and we use condoms for intercourse, but nothing for oral -- either direction. For years I wouldn't engage in oral sex because I didn't have all of the facts. After being on this website here last summer, I armed myself with a ton of info. Now I feel secure enough to make educated decisions regarding myself and my partner. Be patient, you have a lot of things to deal with right now. Give it time and remember that knowledge is power! My BF gets tested every 6 months and he is fine. Its really a matter of what you are comfortable with, I know its confusing with so much info out there. Just know that you have friends here.

Queen, so sorry about you and Lucifer missing the kitties. That's good that they'll have a good chance of being adopted. You can rest easier knowing that. Just sing and talk to Lucifer and give him lots of attention since he's missing the little ones. He'll be OK soon.

Viv, I also have fibromyalgia which can be aggravated by stress. My chiropractor found a quarter-sized knot in my left rhomboid muscle yest. That's up in your shoulder blade area. I asked if she was rubbing on bone and she said, no, it was scar tissue from muscle fibers, caused by a very sore neck. I am wearing a Therma-Care heat pack and will sleep with it on tonight as well.

I didn't get fired today, but I was some kind of paranoid today at work. I figure if I make it through this week, then I am OK. I am just getting the cold shoulder from a few of the higher-ups, including my impossible manager. Everyone is so damn uptight. Hell, I have enough to deal with in my private life, I just consider the office environment entertainment at this point. Remember, I got reprimanded for complaining last Thursday? Well, that's why I thought I would get fired this week. I applied to four jobs yesterday, just in case.

Well, I am entering my somber mode. August 21st is the anniversary of David's death. He was only 28 and I was 26. Twelve damn years its been. Where has the time gone? "Babe, I'm Gonna Leave You" by Led Zepelin keeps echoing in my head, haunting me some. I posted it in the Lyrics thread in Off-Topic. I am hunting around in my hope chest tonight, looking at Dave's last pair of drumsticks that he used, his guitar picks, his Flying-V. I have my wedding album out and will look through it now. I like to remember him was he was healthy and happy, even though we were hiding that big secret from everyone when we took our vows.

I talked to Iceman about all of this tonight and he is so supportive. He understands. I just need my day to cleanse, to get rid of all of the bad feelings and grieve a little. People can lose a spouse and we all get stronger with time. Its just different when you wake up every day with HIV, with that virus that your spouse passed to you, something you'll never be rid of.

okay so i came introduced myself and left, my apologies but i hv a good excuse. i went back to xool in summer to finish my degree. and let me tell u something school and a baby do not mix one bit and i hv no family here so it sucks i hv to do evrything by myself with the help of babysitters.

okay now i am back but i will hv quiet times but i am alive.

this past week has been hectic. my bf is divorced with 2 kids and his ex wife is kinda a manipulative bitch. she wanted the divorce but she stayed angry with my Bf for a long time after. but this past week we argued abt their relationship i think he is still in love with her or something. he says he isnt but i think he is. we went to pick up his son for the weekend and he didnt want to park the car infront of her house coz he wa afraid if she saw me she would get upset. ha!! ok so if we r lookin at houses saying we r goin to spend the rest of our lives togetha so when will it be ok for us to go pick up yo son togetha? then they never talked abt his health but recently she just asked from the blue and he wrote her a lengthly email abt how his job was stressin him out and how being poz was stressin him out. he never told me abt his job stressin him out. all he told me was he has a lot of work. now how can his ex know stuff goin on with him and not me?so i asked him he thot i was sayin he cant hv a relationship with his ex, i then explained to him that his actions do not seem like a man over his ex. n he still yerans that relationship they hv and he obviously cares more abt keepin her happy than me. now dont get me wrong i am a mother too and all that but when push comes to shove she wanted out so why does he want to keep her happy ? i m not sure whr me and him stand coz he even said he wld alwsy share an intimate relationship with her coz they hv kids togetha..........while i get that part to some extent, i know him and i feel he is still holdon on to wat they had.

Winiroo and ann. i totally agree with u. i tell my doctor that i practice safe sex but truth be told i dont, me and my boyfriend agreed that altho we didnt infect each other we wouldnt use condoms and we r in a monogamous relationship so it stands to reason that we wouldnt. he just never ejaculates in me

Tendai, i know it might really suck at work but we come from the same place. so what would u do after u quit that job. i know its very stressful but shinga ( be strong) find somethin else first before u quit that job. i will say a little prayer for u. hey if u have facebook PM me and i will add u

otherwise i see that Bf of mine tomorrow i needed a break from him and then he went to a strip club last nite with his friend!!!! ahhhhh!!!!! men!! they just piss me off sometimes. i am not upset that he went, mo upset that he didnt tell me, lmao does that make sense

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The entire sum of existence is the magic of being needed by just one person.

Thanks for explaining what BOB was, Wini. Ah men problems and the yearning for the ex. I was there once and it is a pain in the ass. I feel for you, Tat but I can see how you are frustrated. But like you said, if you and your man are suppose to be getting a home together then he shouldn't be afraid to have you in the car when he picks up his son. And since he is divorced then why should he even care, it's not like you wanted to go in the house. As long as his ex knows that she can keep shit stirred up, you're going to continue to have problems with your man. Hmm, the strip club huh? Not sure what to say about that unless he is tipping them which I am sure he is and that's money you could have in your pocket. Girl, you better break out the lingerie,give up some lap dances, and shake it like a salt shaker for your man... I'm joking but am half serious too. But ask the ladies about me, they can tell you I like to joke and at times can say some outlandish shit, that's just me. I like to make people laugh when I can.

Cindy--Since the kitties have been gone that's all Lucifer has done is love up on me then fall asleep. I think he has gotten over them being gone already. I have been thinking about them off and on. I am hoping that someone does adopt them. Sorry to hear that you are having such a hard time at that job. I remember when you looked forward to going to work. Glad to see you and Ice are still kicking it, we'll be hearing bells in no time.

Today should be a chilled day for me. Nothing to do but take my godson to take his permit test for his license. I always say I am going to sleep in but never do. I'll chat with you ladies when I wake up in about 8 hours.

OH! I forgot to post that I talked to Cristy a couple days ago. She's doing fine, staying busy, and things are going well with Robert and with that man she started seeing (they're still seeing each other). So, everything's alright with her.

Wendy, doesn't it feel good to have new underwear? I bought myself some earlier this year. My problem is I can never remember what size I take. So last year when I bought myself some, I bought a size that was way too big, and when I put on a pair the day after I bought them, they immediately fell right off. My sister told me to take them back; I said "take back underwear?" I threw them out. The ones I got earlier this year fit though, thank heaven.

Queen, sorry you couldn't hear your son when you went to see him. I hope he gets to get into a 1/2 way house also. It's hard visiting one's child in jail. I visited my daughter in the juvenile justice home when she was younger, and that was hard.

Cin, I have a huge muscle spasm in my right shoulder that's been there for years and is never going to go away. It can be massaged out, but comes back about 1/2 an hour later. It must be different than the lump you have in your shoulder. It hurts sometimes, but mostly I ignore it. I'm so sorry about your husband. You must have loved him deeply. As you know, my 1st husband died in 1989, but I'm not upset about it anymore. It only took me a year to get over him. He was very abusive though. Grieve all you want. It's what we have to do. Again, I'm sorry for your pain.

Tatenda, sorry about the bf troubles. I read stuff like that and it reaffirms why I don't want to be in a relationship. I suppose if the right person came along, I'd feel different, but I just don't trust people enough, and I'm too selfish with my time. I hope things straighten out for you two. About the strip bar, well.... yeah, he should have told you.

Drag, have fun with your brother.

I'm up late this morning. All I really have to do today is laundry. I got up around 6:30, then went back to bed a few minutes later. I have nothing exciting to report, so you ladies have a good morning. I'll be back later.

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I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Betty- when the right person does come along you will feel different, but atleast u got ur BOB to keep u busy,lol

Cin- ma condolences bout your late husband...

Tat- hi, welcome back. sorry bout Bf drama, don't we all get it, but i do get ur point. He should not be doing stuff that make u question his commitment to your relationship, he's gotta clean up his act...hope it works out

Win- hahaha!good u went lingerie shopping! that always works for me, its a gud pick me up. if i could i would just do it every single month,lol

Netta- hope u get some of your energy back.

i'm trying to get thru all the posts...must say i love the title!!!wil talk to u 2mrw, u have a fyn day!

Hey Ladies-Hope everyone is doing well! I have been trying to keep up with everyones post but I am lost as usual.

Win- I hope you are feeling better and I hope you are not getting any of the crazy weather, I think you said you were in the upper part of TX, so I am hoping you are OK.

Moon- I hope things get better at your job.

Queen- Sorry to hear about your kitties. I need to get rid of either one or both of my dogs. The pit is way to big for me to handle and the little one keeps running away- she is in heat- so that may be why?

Betty- Glad to hear that you are liking your volunteering. I watched a thing about kidnapping kids in Beijing, so I kind of feel the same way about the Olympics.

Keeping- Are you feeling better?

Drag- I hope you have fun with brother, too. I wish I had brothers and sisters.

Netta- Your grandbaby is beautiful and so is the puppy!

Ten- I hope things work out at your job and you don't have to look for another one.

Viv- Your nose ring sounds cool. I had a belly button ring when I was with my oldest sons father. He went to jail and I had to take it out everytime I visited so it got infected. Now I have a nice scar to go with all my stretch marks Have you heard anything from your ex?

I can't remember who brought up the weight issue but I struggle with mine too. I have never been light. I don't really pay too much attention to the number but how I look and feel. If I could get rid of my tummy, I would be a happy girl. I just hate doing crunches and sit-ups.

Ann- I don't know how you guys answer all the questions in "Am I" but I love your responses. You have me laughing my ass off sometimes.

Angel- Things will definately get better. When I first found out, I remember being in my head all the time, over thinking every little thing. It will pass and you will learn to live with it. Just take care of yourself and look in the mirror and see that you are the same beautiful person.

Hi Wish- I hope you are having a good summer!

Welcome to all the new ladies.

I haven't been doing much but taking my oldest to football practice. He has his first scrimmage today. I thought everyone was going back to school on the 2nd but the trip lets aren't going until the 8th

The weather is good. Its August so usually we are burning up in 110 to 120 degree weather. The sun came out this afternoon but it was all overcast and drizzly rain this morning. I love it like that. I dont miss the typical August heat. Not one bit.

Dont worry about me I am way too far away from the ocean to have anything bad come from hurricanes or tropical storms. We might get rain but its never been too much where I live.

Mahalia, believe me, if I ever get in a relationship again, it's going to involve having a huge amount of money at my disposal.

Snow, it's so good to hear from you. I'm still wearing the necklace you made. I never take it off.

Wendy, the weather here is muggy at the moment, but we're not getting the usual unending heat we get in August either. Anyway, glad you're safe from the storm. How are you doing?

Nothing much to report with me. I did laundry today. I went to the HIV support group. We're going to have a picnic in a few weeks. I'm the only female that attends. The rest are gay guys, which of course I don't mind. Anyway, it went pretty good. I have a couple messages on my phone I should probably attend to. I hope you ladies have a good evening.

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I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Aside from diarrhea and cramping I'm good. I'm a little sad because Billy is going to Houston for several days. He leaves tomorrow. His step dad has gone home to hospice with stage 4 cancer. Its spread everywhere. It doesn't look like he will live much longer.

I hate when Billy goes away. Nights are lonesome and I just plain miss his company. But I understand and support his going.

I hope you ladies are having good days. I'll likely be chatting you gals up more than usual this week.

Yeah, I still wear Snow's necklace too and never take it off. One time when I went to a store to get some Arbor Mist, the one sales clerk who was a native american commented on it. I was ready to burst into a full convo but had to remember he was at work. I am interested in Shamanism if that is what it is called.

My clinic nurse called me today. I had to get more blood drawn to see if I have built up an allergic reaction to the Ziagen and if I am still able to take the Atripla. If everything comes back fine then I can restart my meds. I am enjoying the break but will start back if everything is a green light.

Tonight I made a pork roast and ate the left over broccoli and cauliflower I made last night. Banging as usual, if I must say so myself. I wish you guys could've had some but I have been sharing with Lucifer. When don't I share with him, everything I put to my mouth he has to have. Yep, he's spoiled rotten.

Snow-I do talk to my ex...so much for staying away. I just recently let him have it and said some really ugly things and I do not regret one word of it. His reaction was not what I expected...there was one. Nothing really to say. He doesn't want to end it...I talked about it w/my therapist...I won't bore you all with the details...

Hello to everyone else. I am VERY TIRED tonight and may just go to bed really early. Have a good evening!

Queen, you are KILLING me with the "ghetto chariot". I read your post to Hubby and he started laughing. FYI, and I just learned this myself, that the term "ghetto" is actually the name of any Jewish neighborhood that has a mosque. So, there ya go. I'm going to send you a yalmaka that you can wear when you drive But didn't you move to the suburbs? Now you're a suburban princess driving a ghetto chariot...lol..what a picture that makes.

Andrea, when do you guys start school?

Snow, good to hear from you again. Are the younguns ready to go back to school? Are YOU ready for them to go back?

Betty, Poppy is sharing his time between the fridge and Mini's bed. He actually came with us to Mexico, but I didn't know it until we got back. He was a stow away in Mini's backpack.

Winn, so sorry about Billy's dad. I know how hard it is not to have him around, but kudoes to you for understanding that he really needs to be there. Here's to safe travels for him and peace of mind for you. Is his mom still living? This must be so difficult for her, too. My prayers are with his entire family.

To everyone else, i'm sorry I haven't responded more. I'm still trying to catch up on everything and everyone and I'm just failing miserably. I'm hoping that next week will be better. Oh, before I forget, I AM HEALED!!!!!!!!!!!! That's right my sweet ladies. And, it only took 10 months. I woke up one morning and thought, "gee, my chest doesn't hurt and I think I actually breathed all night long!" Problem now is that everytime I so much as need to clear my throat, I go into a panic thinking it's back. I finished the last of my meds yesterday and I'm just really hoping this crap doesn't come back again. I still take Zertec and vitamens everyday which I'm hoping will help keep things at bay.

Good grief, look at the time. You ladies have a wonderful night / early morning and I'll try to catch up some more tomorrow.

So good to hear from you Mum!! I have been working in my classroom and attending meetings but the kids actually come back on August 27th...next week.....

I hope everyone had a great evening! I am going to get as much work done as I can today....sure....I'll probably spend it socializing...that's my problem LOL!

Tonight I am going to the Improv in Hollywood with my mom and some friends. We are getting a limo so I don't have to worry about driving...YAY! We usually go to the Improv here in Orange County but there is a comedian my mom wants to see and we missed her her. Maybe some of you have heard of her? Her name is Angela...(can't remember last name) and she does a bit on the nail salons...ring any bells? Anyways...I've gotta get my act together this morning! I'll probably check in later.

Viv- Just be careful you don't get hurt, try to make him play by your rules and if he doesn't follow him, kick him to the curb. I know, easier said than done. I hope everything works out and he comes to his senses and realizes what a beautiful person you are. I haven't heard of that comedian, not that that means much, but I can imagine she is funny, we have nail places practically on every block around here.

Win- Sorry to hear about Billy's dad. Hopefully, Billy will be back before you know it.

Queen- What do you do to make broccoli, cauliflower with cheese? Steam the veggies? Sounds pretty good.

Betty- Have you been going to the Farmers Market? I can't wait for the carmel covered apples they sell at the ones around here, they are so yummy. They make them with carmel, choclate, toffee, coconut drizzled with all sorts of yummy stuff I don't need to be eating but love.

I am so glad you guys like the necklaces

Hi Brandy

Mum- So glad to hear you and Mini are back safe and sound. Sounds like you had a great trip. Even better to hear that you are feeling better. I can't wait for school to start again. I will probably get bored soon but I was thinking that I might volunteer with another organization that brings refugees over from Sudan, Burma and help them with thier English and getting acclimated to the states.

Queen, I hope that you're not resistant to the Ziagen. I went on a med holiday last year and within three months my CD4s went from 900 down to 300. Please take care of yourself. That food you made sounds really good, btw.

Andrea, have fun at the Improv. I don't know who the comedian is, but I don't usually watch the comedy channel. Now, about the ex....... I know how hard it can be to break ties, but I thought that's what you did. You guys either need to get together or get apart. Going back and forth is too wearing on someone (you).

Mum, I'm glad Mini took Poppy with her. Actually, David (Philly) sent me some pics of AMG and there's a really good picture of Mini and you in there. You guys look like you were having fun. And congratulations on feeling better! I really hope it continues.

Snow, I haven't been back to the Farmer's Market in about a month. I really can't afford it right now or next month (tags on my car due). Hopefully I'll go in October. That's when the apples around here (mostly Michigan apples) will be ready. I love McIntosh. My mum used to make applesauce with those that was just delicious. Boy, do I miss that.

Well, I got up around 7:30 and went back to bed until 10:00. I can't believe it. I never, ever sleep in that late. I don't know if my body is still kind of withdrawing off the stimulant effect of the nicotine or not. Anyway, my gay best friend called me around 9:45 and asked me if I wanted to go out to lunch. I told him I'd call him back. I called him around 10:30 and asked him if he'd want to go at 11:30. Anyway, he picked me up then and took me to I-Hop and we had lunch. His mum just had the other one of her knees replaced, so tonight he's going to sit with her.

A friend of mine just had back surgery. They took out two discs and put in two plastic ones. And they had to open up her stomach in two places and her back in two places. She's home now, but I talked to her the second day after the surgery and she sounded awful. After talking to her, hearing about my gay best friend's mum and some other people who've had "joint" surgeries, I'll be in an electric wheelchair before I let anyone touch my knees. Well, that's my story right now anyway. It could change as time goes on.

I'm going to check out the other postings and clean. You ladies have a good day.

Logged

I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Just a quick check-in. Iceman invited me to his house last night on a work night. I brought Cheech and stayed here. I just passed Ice as I was pulling back into his hood. He was going to the store to get us dinner. He was on his Harley and looked so HOT! He is crazy about me, its such a refreshing feeling, like when you first start dating someone, you know? We're going on 10 months and we are nuts about each other.

My goodness, I got it bad. Posted a song in the Lyrics Thread, "Believe" by Staind. I just think its Ice singing to me every time I hear it. Makes me tear up.

Oh and he bought me my first pair of Crocs, lmao! REDSKINS style! LOL

Also, I made it through the work week and they are taking the Accounting Dept to the Cheesecake Factory next week for lunch, the six of us. Woo-hoo, I guess I'm safe from being fired.

Drag, Yes, "Charlie" and I are still seeing each other. It's weird though, he's got issues. I blogged about him today, and yes, I was being a bit obtuse. It's complicated. No, he's complicated. I still love him though and I know he loves me. Congrats on your upcoming nuptials, btw. I read here all the time - I suppose I shouldn't be so stingy and chime in more often. Thing is, I often end up totally emotionally exhausted by the Am I forum and ... well ... I just go bang my head on the wall, rather than post here.

Snow, It tickles me that I make people laugh sometimes in Am I. I don't really mean to... I just get so frustrated and pissed off sometimes. I guess a combination of trying to be diplomatic when really pissed off ends up being humorous sometimes. Thank goodness! Otherwise I suppose I'd have to ban myself.

Mind you, I wish I could (ban myself, that is) more often than not. I think I need a break from that side of the website before I end up bashing holes in my walls with my head. Seriously. And sometimes not even this side of the site isn't safe.... witness Lord Brainless....

Mum, I'm glad you're feeling better. Were you treated for a fungal infection in the end? If so, PLEASE don't help your dance group move location. You'll just get sick again!

Wendy, sorry to hear about Billy's step-dad. Hugs to both of you.

I didn't want to further hijack Philly's anal PAP thread, so I'll say it here. I guess it must be your tilted uterus that makes them do the poop chute exam when you get a PAP... as I said, that's NEVER happened to me in all the time I've been getting PAPs or vag exams. Hell, if they want to do that, they can do it properly and wine and dine me first.

To the rest of you women, hello. As I said, I follow this thread everyday and love reading all your stories. I can't promise that I won't be such a stranger, but I'll certainly try.

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Well, I have officially manned up and began wearing my nicotine patches today. I am making an effort to quit smoking, I just hope it works. I don't know how long it takes the patches to kick in but I have noticed already wanting to smoke a cig. Not because I am craving the nicotine yet but for the habit of putting something in my mouth-----*feel free to add your favorite nasty joke* I remembered when I read the instructional book that it said this would happen and when it does, to do something else to distract myself. And I did, I cleaned up the apartment though there really wasn't much to do. My Goddess, I love living alone. So now I am waiting for the plumber to come and fix the drain...*insert another joke, I would* It was messed up before I moved in but the plumber my landlord uses was on vacation.

Cindy, it is nice to hear about you and Ice. I wish I could find a guy like that. I haven't given up and with how things have been going lately in my world which is good, maybe that will come together one day too. I truly envy you ladies with good men, they are hard to find.

Betty, I plan on doing the right thing with the meds if I am not resistant and I really don't think I am. I am really trying to be more health conscience and proactive.

Snow, well, I usually steam my veggies while I am making the cheese sauce which consists of melting butter, add in your flour, milk and cheese. Stir to smooth out the flour and cheese then season it how you like. I made it in the crock pot my sister bought me. But it can be done the same way and put in the oven. Tonight I will probably polish it off with the pork roast I made last night. I try not to waste any food and believe me, Lucifer doesn't let me either...

Wini- I can imagine how your man feels. I lost my biological mother and adopted father to cancer. I didn't make it in time before my mother died but I did see my Dad before he got really bad and was with him the night before he passed. He passed on 2-22-04 at 10:20am.

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Great Saturday morning my sweet lovies! All I can say right now is "oh, hell!" We piled the crew into our big car yesterday to head to my parents' for some swimming and BBQ and the stupid %$#@#$%&*&%$$&& thing wouldn't start!!!! YES, this is the SAME car that JUST got out of the shop. We're now waiting for it to be towed and fixed AGAIN! In the meantime, my mom dropped off 1 of their cars and we'll have to take 2 cars to get anywhere. This happens every stinkin' year - a couple of weeks before we go on vacation, something breaks. Last year it was the car, year before that it was the car, year before that it was the septic system. I'm cancelling family vacations until further notice.

Ann, yes, they treated me for a pulminary yeast infection. I was on 600mg of Prednisone (max for 2 days, then weaned over 14 days), 1000mg of antibiotic for 8 days (had a sinus infection, too), and 150mg of Diflucan for 10 days, and Zertec. They also gave me a super-strength inhaler that I actually never needed. I'll stay on the Zertec 1x/day forever. I haven't breathed like this in 10mths!! They are moving studioes today and I'm not going. I did send food, though..lol.

Snow, what organization are you going to volunteer for? It sounds like awesome and challenging work. I'll start back with Meals on Wheels next Thursday.

Andrea, I can't believe how fast this summer - this entire year - has flown by. It seems like yesterday kids were getting out and now they are going back to school. I think kids go back on Tuesday here. Hubby and I have spent the last 2 days getting our classroom ready. I'm hoping to finish it up today.

Winn, I'm glad Billie made it safetly. Will you be able to take any time off of work to join him? I know it's hard at home without him, but he'll be home soon. Do you have an update about his dad? How is Aaron doing with his new job(s).

Well ladies, it's feeding time at the zoo so I'd better fill some bellies. I'm still suffering from jetlag - totally exhausted. It's been deadly hot here the last couple of days which doesn't help with my energy level. And, next Saturday, FYI, little Miss Mini will be turning 8! 2 more years and she'll "officially" be a LTS - at the age of 10.

Winn, I'm glad Billie made it safetly. Will you be able to take any time off of work to join him? I know it's hard at home without him, but he'll be home soon. Do you have an update about his dad? How is Aaron doing with his new job(s).

No I am taking tomorrow off but its a 3 1/2 to 4 hour drive to Houston so unless there is an emergency I'm not going. The only update I had was that medicare's two days of in home care is over and his brothers and sisters had to look for a nurse to hire. I think its somewhere around 25 bucks an hour for 12 hours a day. With someone in the family taking care of him in the evening. Ouch huh?

Aaron had his first day of real work yesterday. He called me around 10 am all groggy saying he overslept and was late for work could I give him a ride. I took him up there and waited outside fully expecting them to fire him. I guess they really needed the help because they didn't fire him. He got to stay and when he was given his time sheet for the week it showed he had today off but he asked if they could use him today. They said yeah. So he asked me to take him to work today too. I woke up a half hour early and drove his butt there. Its only like a mile from my house. His apartment is a mile south of me and his work is a mile or so north of me. No big deal but it sure would be nice if he had his own transportation and was responsible enough to wake himself up. I suppose in time it will happen. He could be worse. I'm just glad he is working and he is nice enough to say things like he appreciates my help and is always been a hugger and kiss on the cheek kind of guy.

He dyed his hair blonde again. It looks so unnaturally ugly to me. I hate his hair. its like yellow orange. and his sideburns are mousy brown. It looks ugly. I wish he'd get his hair cut too. He is balding and hanging on to the idea that he can have long hair and he wants it to be blonde like when he was young.Hell. LOL I want mine blonde like when I was young too but I know it will just turn orange if I do it myself.

good morning ladies. I'm only on for a moment I'm working on a paper due on Tuesday geez first week and I already have a paper and presentation to do next week YICKS lol I'm almost done at this school getting my associates then I'm off to the university for my BA!!! woo hoo feel like Ive been at this forever!!just a couple of more years!!! hope everyone is doing good love Brandy

Mum, I'm so relieved you're feeling better. I can imagine what a relief it is to you. So, what are you going to do for Mini's b.d.? Yes, she will be a LTS. I'm glad she's still with us. Every day of her life is a gift. Heck, every day of my life is a gift. Well, all I can say is, you must really be pissed off at that car. I don't think I've ever seen you cuss before. Sometimes it just feels good, doesn't it? I hope it's not too costly to get it repaired. You're fortunate your parents are close by and will lend you one of their cars. It there a family vacation coming up? What will you all do?

Wendy, I do my own hair (and it's blonde), but I go to Sally's Beauty Supply and get the professional bleach. If you do that, and use the professional cream developer, your hair will turn out blonde blonde, not orange blonde. I've had orange blonde when I used the box color they sell in drug stores, and I thought I would die. Maybe once your son has been working for awhile, he'll be able to save up enough money to get a cheap beater to get around in. I'm glad he's working. That must make you feel good. Continued thoughts for Billy's dad, btw.

Brandy, are you going to get your master's? People ask me that all the time and I just want to say "shut the hell up. Getting a bachelor's is hard enough." Hopefully this will be my last year + next summer and I'll be done. Good luck. My school starts Sept. 2nd.

It's going to be 90 today and it's so humid. There's an NA picnic, but I'm unsure as to whether or not I'll go. I don't do well in extreme temperatures for too long.

In a couple weeks, I go see my ophthalmologist. In my right eye I have diabetic retinopathy and in my left eye I have a cataract. I need new glasses. I did have some, but when I went to the state NA convention (way back) I accidentally broke them. So, I've been driving and wandering around w/o them for like, oh whenever that convention was (when I went to Indy). It's been alright; I just can't see small lettering at a distance. Last time I had an exam, my eye doc told me the retinopathy had stabilized (since my diabetes is under control) and the cataract hadn't grown any larger. Which was good news.

Well, that's all from me for now. I hope you ladies have a good day.

Logged

I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

I had some coloring under the sink from Sally's I brought him to my house and put it on his head. LOL he is walking around my back yard smoking my cigarettes with his hair up in chemicals. The coloring has a violet base and an ash color so it should get out some of the yellow so he wont be as much as a banana head. His gal pal colored it and did not do his sideburns so those wont be the same color but at least it should look a little better.

Modified to add a picture of me so ya'll can gawk at how much my son looks like me. LOL

Not much going on with me today. Had a blind date which made me wish I was blind..lol..But I am not even going to go there, let's just say I went over my best friend's house, told her about it and I was there til 3 am. Sometimes I wonder why I even bother.

Lucifer had his first outdoor adventure. I put the leash on him and tied him in my backyard. He didn't care for the leash at first but then he started eating the grass. I guess he had an upset tummy or something. My sister spoiled him by giving him some chicken off the grill.

The plumber came and fixed my sink. Nice guy, thick too. I told him about the tub dripping since I have to pay water now and he said he would talk to the landlord about it. He said he knew why it was doing it and the piece the landlord needs to fix it is around 45 bucks.