Thursday, February 15, 2007

Things you would never know without the movies:(1) If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St. Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year.(2) If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.(3) If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.(4) It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.(5) All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French Bread.(6) It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.(7) Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba diving.(8) The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No-one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty.(9) If you need to reload your gun, you will always have more ammunition - even if you haven't been carrying any before now.(10) Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.(11) If your town is threatened by an imminent natural disaster or killer beasts, the mayor's first concern will be the tourist trade or his forthcoming art exhibition.(12) The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.(13) A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.(14) If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.(15) Interbreeding is genetically possible with any creature from elsewhere in the universe.(16) Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering a kitchen at night, you should open the fridge door and use that light instead.(17) Word processors never display a cursor on screen but will always say: Enter Password Now.(18) Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family every morning even though their husband and children never have time to eat it.(19) Cars that crash will almost always burst into flames.(20) A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of RFK Stadium.(21) Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.(22) Although in the 20th century it is possible to fire weapons at an object out of our visual range, people of the 23rd century will have lost this technology.(23) Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.(24) It is not necessary to say hello or good-bye when beginning or ending phone conversations.(25) Even when driving down a perfectly straight road it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.(26) All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.(27) A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.(28) Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading alien civilization.