Thursday, December 23, 2010

(I know it's not Christmas, but I'm not going to be posting for the next couple of days, and I doubt anyone would be reading them anyway. Also, don't forget to turn your Adblockers off for the new domain address. I couldn't figure out why half of my crap was missing.)

Merry Christmas! And to those of you who find that offensive, go fuck yourself AND your happy holidays. I don't care whose birthday it is, or what funky voodoo ritual was done thousands of years ago. Christmas is for getting presents, eating good food, and being with family. And for some of us, it's also a time to play some vidya games. And I have found a good one just for you guys.

Daze Before Christmas is a strange platforming game in which you play as old St.Nick himself. In this game, you will fight all sorts of baddies armed only with "The Christmas Spirit"....or a flame thrower. This game also introduces a little bit of Santa lore that I bet a lot of you didn't know. For instance, did you know that when Santa Clause drinks coffee, he turns into his demonic other-self known as the ANTI-CLAUSE? In this form, he wears a blue outfit, sprouts some demon horns, and beats the shit out of people with his sack. A sack of death.

Anti-Clause is a badass, but he's nothing compared to Santa Clause wielding the Infinity Guantlet.

We start off with an interesting story about how an evil bastard has stolen all of the presents. The elves and reindeer are also missing, so it is up to the jolly fat man to save Christmas. Okay, so the story may not be all that original, but at least it explains what the hell is going on.

The controls are easy to learn, but lacking. Shoot magic (or fire, or beat with sack) and jump. Once again, there are eight buttons on a Super Nintendo controller. Feel free to use more than two, developers.

The music in this game is very creepy. It's your basic holiday type music, but it's slowed and distorted to give it a very eerie sound. I like it. It's repetitive as fuck though, so get your jollies and turn it down.

Graphics are...yeah. The sprites and animations are good, and the cutscenes are excellent, but the stage design can be pretty bland at times. It doesn't hinder the game in any way, however, so it's not a big problem.

And finally, the gameplay. This game gives what you would expect from a typical platformer, and just a little bit more. Switching forms between Santa and the demonic Anti-Clause are interesting to say the least, and there is just something awesome about Santa Clause shooting fireballs. It's not perfect, but I had fun...which seems to be rare lately.

At least it's better than watching this shit. GOOOLDBEEEERRG!!

Daze Before Christmas is definitely a rarity. How many console games can you think of that are based on Christmas? I'm giving it 3.5 hiding Santas out of 5. If you find yourself in the mood for an easy platformer, or you just want to play as an evil Santa that basically mugs people, I would suggest you find this game. You will not be disappointed.

Santa may look all calm and happy, but he's holding a cup of coffee. That could mean only one thing...he's about to rape some poor elf.