8. You don't use the word "ve-hick-al" but if you did, your vehicle would get more than 18 MPG.

9. You turn to sad movies rather than Glenn Beck whenever you need a really good cry.

10. A God-fearing, gun-toting, hasn't-the-light-of-day-for-years-'cause-Fox-News-is-on-24-hours-a-day, America-loving person tells you that you're a commie. (They know that the Communist Party quietly took over the US through our schools since LBJ was in office and they are the only people who can actually see Commies so you have to believe them when the tell you that you are one.)