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This article makes me afraid. I thought I knew my husband. I thought he was safe and good and loving. After his arrest, it was everyone else’s fault and he still cannot take responsibility. Should I be afraid that he might hurt me or my daughters? Should I fear him? I think I do in my gut. I am trying to not be bitter and filled with a desire for vengeance. How do I balance that with taking reasonable caution against any further mental, emotional, spiritual or any other kind of abuse? How can I ever know if he is safe? (mybeautifullybrokenlife.com)

I’ve read much of your blog and appreciate how brave and generous you are. As you share your story, it helps others understand they’re not alone in their pain. I can’t answer your question. Who can know your ex-husband’s heart? I’ve talked to many women who were afraid to fall asleep after discovery, because they were so afraid of the stranger they’d shared their bed with for years–decades.

Maybe all we can do is listen to our guts, our instincts. Never dismiss or discount our fears, protect ourselves from more of the harm we are CERTAIN they are capable of. I’ve been weak when it comes to that, even. I gave him more chances to commit the same crimes against me. That’s on me. That’s me not caring enough for myself.

Thank you! Yes….we need to trust ourselves much more. I am working towards that goal so that there won’t be a next time. I don’t want a next time for me or even a first time for any of my daughters. We did what we thought best at the time…..but now we know better. And it is so hopeful to know that “no more” also means more of what is beautiful and good and right! You will be in my prayers!