John Ashurst, TV pundit and veteran of the 1981 Toxteth riots in Liverpool today slammed what he called the ‘highly suspect’ techniques of many of the rioters who have wreaked havoc on English streets over the last few days.

In an unprecedented press release today, a spokesperson representing the African Union and a conglomeration of aid agencies criticised the West’s ‘myopic focus on food and medical supplies, to the detriment of raising awareness and painting murals’.

As Fine Gael leader Enda Kenny does his best to emulate the stunning success of the British attempts at coalition, the Irish government-in-waiting has divulged its plans to take the UK’s place in the world with the unveiling of its ‘polite queuing’ 2012 team.