He Said/She Said: Making it Official

Lauren - University of Michigan

[He Said/She Said is a new series designed to help all our wonderfully confused readers figure out what he’s really thinking. So every week we’ll be throwing out a topic for debate…and unlike our fave dude, these guys won’t be sugar coating anything for you. But before you jump into their heads (which seriously will make you feel like you need to shower), check out what we think!]

I’m not a crazy person. On the contrary, I like to think that I’m quite level-headed in all aspects of my life. I tend to think things through and really try to understand all perspectives in a situation before I say or do anything. And that’s probably why all of my friends come to me for advice; they trust what I have to say and know I’ll be objective.

Of course, there is always an exception to that rule.
And of course that exception has to do with guys.

There’s something about liking a guy that can make even the sanest girl go crazy. And I’m not talking “show up at his house in the middle of the night and profess my love outside his window” sorta crazy. I’m referring to the more internal diagnosis: thinking about him all the time, analyzing every single interaction you’ve ever had with him, going to every person you know and asking them to analyze every single interaction you’ve ever had with him, carrying your phone with you everywhere you go just in case he calls or texts, or checking your email in the middle of the night to see if he sent you a Facebook message.

And what drives a girl to such a low level on the pathetic scale?

The not knowing.

Sure, there are batsh*t insane girls out there who do this sorta stuff (and worse) when they’re in a full blown relationship. But for the rest of us, this sorta crazy only presents itself when we’re being jerked around by a guy we like. A guy who seems to like us too…sometimes…we think? We hang out with him all the time, he sends us cute texts, invites us out with his friends, he’s seen us naked, he’s even bought us breakfast….

But he still hasn’t “made it official.”

And it’s not like we can bring that up. No, that makes us look like naggy girls who have already picked out the band for our wedding. We don’t want to scare the guy off or be labeled the “crazy girl” to all his bros. And that’s unfair. No, it’s actually total bullsh*t. Because unlike what so many guys think, we don’t want a title for the sake of having a title. Yeah, everyone loves getting to start off stories with “My boyfriend….” but the real reason any of us want a title is to give our overactive minds a rest. We want to have the comfort and security of knowing that we’re not just a booty call, that he thinks we’re special, and that he feels the same way about us that we feel about him.

A title isn’t just a title. It’s a declaration of your feelings, and at the end of the day that’s all I (and I imagine many girls) really want. I don’t need some guy to take out an ad in the campus paper and tell the world that I’m his girlfriend or to change his relationship status on Facebook. Making it official, calling me his girlfriend or even just telling me that he only wants to see me naked is not some blood pact that we’re going to be together forever and that he’s now required to buy me ugly stuffed toys on Valentine’s Day. I just want to know that he’s mine, I’m his and that’s that.