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F*ckboy Olympics Round 3: International Superstars

Welcome to Galore’s Fuckboy Olympics, where the biggest douche nozzles on planet Earth face off for the title of World’s Biggest Fuckboy.

So far, we’ve proclaimed winners in the American entertainers and American athletes divisions. And this week, we have four truly contentious matchups in our first round of the International superstars division.

But first, what makes a fuckboy? It’s a special mix of dick pics, swag, and thinking your shit don’t stink. A fuckboy is not just a guy who bangs a lot of girls. He’s also a cheater and a master manipulator. The type to spew lines like “I don’t believe in labels” and “you’ll love anal, I swear,” a fuckboy’s only bae is himself.

You might think American bros have this behavior on lock. But you’d be surprised at how many dudes from around the globe also exhibit fuckboy symptoms. In the spirit of international collaboration and harmony, today, we’re weighing the world’s most famous non-American fuckboys.

Let’s get ready to fuckboy!

1. Cristiano Ronaldo vs. Harry Styles

Our first faceoff comes in the form of an unlikely pair: soccer player Cristiano Ronaldo and One Direction heartthrob Harry Styles.

Cristiano Ronaldo is constantly surrounded by models in bikinis, but his fuckboy crowning moment was when he cheated on Irina Shayk with a Playboy model after five years of dating.

Harry Styles, meanwhile, is the poster boy for fuckboy looks — but according to our judges, he doesn’t really live up to his bad boy image.

“Harry is very young and seems super sweet,” says astrology intern Mi Gerer. “I feel like he is going to quiet down when he gets older.”

2. David Beckham vs. Justin Bieber

This was another landslide vote. Almost everyone voted for Justin Bieber — even though David Beckham is known to have cheated on Posh Spice. And with the help, no less!

Still, Becks has apparently lived down the cheating allegations. In fact, Ashley has pronounced him “#husbandgoals.”

“Yes, David was probably a world class fuckboy in his day,” Bible Study podcast co-host Mariah Smith says, “but he’s taught us that men can grow from and out of it. Bieber on the other hand is in the fuckboy trenches with his bleach blonde hair and semi-erect penis.”

Justin Bieber “is the first person who comes to mind when I think of the word fuckboy,” intern Keely Quinlan says. “He’s really stepped up the douche game since Selena.”

Melissa argues that David Beckham is too much of a dad to be a fuckboy.

“I choose to believe that David Beckham loves his wife as much as we all do,” she said, “so I choose Justin Bieber as champion fuckboy.”

The sole Beckham vote came from intern Kayla Jackson.

“Justin Bieber’s never cheated on anyone,” she pointed out. “The only thing Justin Bieber does is try too hard. Like, he’s from Canada.”

She’s got a point. But still, he’s a fuckboy icon, as our votes show.

David Beckham: 1

Justin Bieber: 12

WINNER: Justin Bieber

3. Partynextdoor vs. Jude Law

This was a hotly contested round. In one corner, we have Jude Law, who cheated with the nanny — the most old-school cad move in the book. In the other corner we have Partynextdoor, who screwed over Kehlani by making it look like she was cheating on her ex, only to bounce over to Kylie Jenner shortly after.

Pop writer Maria admits that PND wasn’t cool for posting that Kehlani photo, but still voted for Jude Law.

“He’s a raging fuckboy for committing the ultimate cliché sin of cheating on his hot ass wife [Sienna Miller] with the nanny,” she said.

Ashley Uzer echoed this almost word for word, pointing to Jude’s cheating on his “hot ass wife” as the biggest fuckboy cliché in history. Same with Lisa.

Mallory is most freaked out by Colin’s perpetual singledom, which clinches his fuckboy status in her eyes.

“He never settles down,” she said. “WTF is that about?”

Keely is more perturbed by Colin’s sexual preferences.

“He told a magazine in an interview that sober sex was terrifying,” she said. “Like, what? As if drunk sex isn’t? Then he said he doesn’t know if a monogamous relationship is possible for him. Polygamous and prefers drunk sex. Fuckboy af.”

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