Frank Mulligan: It’s the lack of thought that counts

Because it’s received with the sort of unabashed glee normally associated with found money, we’re once again happy to offer: “Did this conversation actually take place?”

Frank Mulligan

Because it’s received with the sort of unabashed glee normally associated with found money, we’re once again happy to offer: “Did this conversation actually take place?”

It’s the interactive column all the kids are talking about in which you – the reader – are asked to judge whether the following conversation actually occurred verbatim, is partially fabricated, or is totally the product of a brainpan that’s no longer weather proof.

In this week’s edition, the setting is a family living room on Christmas Day. A beaming father stands by the Christmas tree, obviously pleased with himself. His adolescent offspring seems less pleased after opening an elaborately wrapped folder and inspecting the contents.

Beaming father: Well, what do you think?

Adolescent offspring: Um, what is it?

Beaming father: It’s your custom – deluxe – star registry package.

Adolescent offspring: Huh?

Beaming father: Your star registry package. Right now – and forevermore – there’s a star in the constellation of Coma Berenicus that’s named after you.

Adolescent offspring: I wanted a Wii.

Beaming father: Anyone can get a Wii. This is a gift that will last as long as the stars. Heck, a Wii will be obsolete in a couple years.

Adolescent offspring: Then we could buy the new Wii.

Beaming father: You don’t understand. This is your very own star. It’s registered with the International Star Registry. Look at your star package. It explains everything.

Adolescent offspring: I mean, cash would have been all right, too. Or a gift card …

Beaming father: This is the deluxe package. It cost me 160 bucks. Check it out. There’s a personalized star chart – and frame.

Adolescent offspring: A lot of parents just ask their kids what they want, you know. It doesn’t have to be a surprise every year.

Beaming father: You’re not getting into the spirit of this. Look, there’s a personalized wallet card with your star name on it – and the coordinates.

Adolescent offspring: Clothes would be better than this. I could take clothes back.

Beaming father: Look, there’s also a booklet on astronomy written by a professional astronomer – and a letter of congratulations from the Star Registry.

Adolescent offspring: They deserve the congratulations for being able to sell this stuff.

Beaming father: Hey, they’ve been around for decades. There’s like a million stars out in the universe they helped name. Think of it – it’s mind boggling!

Adolescent offspring: It sure is.

And there it is, cherished reader. Now it’s up to you: “Did this conversation actually take place?”

Frank Mulligan is an editor in GateHouse Media Service’s Raynham office and can be reached at fmulliga@cnc.com.