10. go
into witness protection once Spider is released from his supermax prison

11. eat
a T-bone steak covered in potato chips, rutabaga and molasses

12. shove
27 nickels in your ears

13. take
a photo of your thumb every day for a year and then exhibit the pictures at a
local art gallery

14. paint
your entire house red, then have a dinner party and greet your guests with the
phrase “Welcome to hell.”

15. kill
Spider with a Cuisinart blade when he finds you after being released from
prison

These
are just a few of the things you can do to make completing your bucket list
worthy of a story on a TV news show or the subject of one of those annoying
internet lists that make you click “next” a thousand times to find out what
that one actor from that TV show you used to watch looks like now only to find
out he isn’t part of the list anyway and that fucking website tricked you into
wasting 26 minutes of your life.