I tried once this year already

It took me a while to get over that weight of truly wanting to die. Not just wanting to attempt suicide, but the whole trip of imagining your death. There was the suicidal, picturing how to do it, but this time it was picturing it done....I feel myself drifting back to that place as if it's an inebidble. I suffer from pani attacs and other such wierd things i cannot understand:blink:

It took me a while to get over that weight of truly wanting to die. Not just wanting to attempt suicide, but the whole trip of imagining your death. There was the suicidal, picturing how to do it, but this time it was picturing it done....I feel myself drifting back to that place as if it's an inebidble. I suffer from pani attacs and other such wierd things i cannot understand:blink:

Click to expand...

It will take you a while to go from wanting to not be here, from feeling the way you felt to feeling happy, to finding a reason to be here and feeling the opposite of it. Its normal to feel yourself slipping back and forth. You'll have mixed emotions. almost like.. iv forgotten that word. almost like coming off a drug. your body has gotten used to having it, it thinks it needs it to survive. its alot like that. Your mind is so set on all those feelings, thoughts, planning and emotions that it thinks they are normal. You have to teach your mind to think that it isnt normal. because it isnt. You have to teach your mind to think positively instead of negatively.

But for each person has their own way of teaching their mind. Think about something that you remember that made you happy. Work as hard as you can to find a happiness in that. Or, watch the people around you, what makes them happy?
look at the people in the supermarket, what makes them laugh or smile?
thats your first step.
smiling for real.
even if it only lasts a second.
it will take time for your mind to feel different about living and dieing.
but trust me.
its worth it.
I'm not saying you will never think about it.
because you will.
one day, just like having a relative die or a close friend.
youll think about it all the time, and it will hurt like an open wound, it will itch at you and youll want to scratch it. then after time, you wont think about it all the time. You wont feel you NEED to do something about it that second. Later youll only think about it occasionally. Then after a while, it will only come to your mind a few times a year. i cant guaranty that there will be a year that you dont think about it once. because you will. but by that time you will have learnt from it. and by that time, just like me, youll want to help it. youll want to tell others that it isnt the end of the world, that there are ways to turn it around.