Sunday, December 27, 2009

Wowza. This Christmas has definitely been very different for me this year. Somehow it didn't really feel like Christmas. Lots of changes; some good, some not so good. But never the less. So. My lens came in yesterday. I have been taking pictures like a crazy fiend. I looooove itttt. And my coat is ah-mazing. And my boots, too. I got many other gifts including some scarves, tights, a skirt, a cute shirt, a giant napkin (except not really. it's more like a shawl, but my brother still refers to it as my giant napkin), body washes etc, a cool cigar box, film, and many more things. Oh, and a trip to Las Vegas with my family. Yay! You can expect lots of photos to be uploaded on my flickr if you pay any attention to that.

Yesterday I went to Market Street in the Woodlands with Chelsea & Kealy to see Sherlock Holmes, but when we got there we were informed that only the first few rows were available so we changed our minds and went to Borders instead and I bought "The Time Traveler's Wife". I've been told it's a good read and I've been meaning to get around to it. The plane ride to and from Vegas will be a good place to begin, I think. After Borders, we wandered around a bit, but everything was pretty much already closing so we headed to Kealy's house and had our own little fun there. : ) Let's just say it involved both me and Kealy causing her bed to collapse on separate occasions and Chelsea insisting that it was due to the fact that we're both "fat-asses". Hahahaha, oh it was good fun. Oh, and I almost fell in the shower. And I fell off the bed a few times. And then we ended the night with some good ole fashioned spooning. It was really quite comical.

There are many emotional/relationship things going on in my life right now but I don't even know where to begin without writing a whole book about it. But I can at least say that it's complicated. Very, very, very, VERY complicated. *sigh* Yeah. I really don't know what else to say about that. I'm just in a very strange place in my life right now, that's for sure.

Well, I think now I must go pack since we are leaving my house around 5ish at least. Ugh. Packing is just not for me. : /

Thursday, December 24, 2009

I can not-not-not wait to open my gifts this Christmas!!!!! Clearly, I am already aware of some of the things I am getting (particularly the big gifts).

One of them is this adorable coat! http://www.forever21.com/product.asp?catalog_name=FOREVER21&category_name=outwr&product_id=2070846810&Page=4I've been needing a good coat for a LONG LONG LONG time. *sigh* Can't wait to wear it alllll the time.

Another one are these super duper cute boots that are olive green (also from forever 21) but I can't find them on the website. If I do, I'll update this post w/ the link.

And the grand finale issssss *insert drum roll here*.......MY NEW 50 mm f 1.8 CANON LENS! http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51iJm5s0XcL._SL500_AA280_.jpgIt's swell for portraits, which is my favorite thing to photograph. So as you can tell, I'm about to wet myself I'm so stoked. : )

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

I should be wrapping more Christmas presents at the moment, but there's just something about wrapping a present that feels silly to me and it just frustrates me. I like to think that one day when I have my own family we will just put stuff under the tree on Christmas Eve when the kids are asleep and the next morning they'll wake up and just see them there. They'll have name tags of course so little Johnny doesn't get TOO excited about the Barbie & Ken dolls that are really for little Jill (oh, and trust me. I don't plan on naming my children Johnny & Jill *barf*).

Any whoooooo, today I went to visit my Aunt Ginger in Friendswood where I grew up. It was nice to see her and my cousins John & Stephie. And Great Grandma Adams, of course. When we stopped at the grocery store to get some food to take there I definitely snuck in some arugula leaves & that delicious olive & herb something or other dressing that Lauren prepared for us last night. Yum. Oh! And if you go to H-E-B anytime soon, get the Love Dip they have at the little center toward the front where you can get fresh stuff like pastas and dips and such. It is sooooo delicious it should be illegal. While you're at it, go ahead and get pita chips to go with it : ) Pita chips should also be illegal.

Random sidenote: I listened to the radio for the first time in a long time (other than that pretty recent time when I was with Kealy and we discovered a really hilarious station while trying to find a good Christmas music station) and WHAT IS UP WITH ALL THE SAME SONGS PLAYING ON ALL THE SAME STATIONS ALL THE TIME?! Seriously. I mean, I love "Bad Romance" but I heard it 3 times. Along with this other really annoying song that I also heard 3-4 times and that "down down down" song. Oh, and the firefly song. Heard that one more than once. Are there really not any other good songs to play or what?? I remember why I hate the radio so much now. I'll stick to Pandora where I still have some kind of control over what I listen to.

Random sidenote#2: While sorting through the mail today (which was mostly Christmas cards/photos) my mom points to one photo and says "I didn't know she was cross-eyed-ed!" Yes. That's right. Cross-eyed-ED. Because that's a word and everything. I'll add that to her list of words that don't exist. Along with "irregardless" and a few other words that I can't tell if she's trying to play off as being "ghetto" or if she just can't speak proper English. *sigh* We'll just never know...

I think that's all for now. There's plenty more for me to ramble about but I don't think I've developed that kind of relationship with my blog yet....hahahaha

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Well, first of all, I'd just like to say that I've totally changed this blog up! I deleted all my photos for many reasons. One, I was already posting the same photos onto my flickr (www.flickr.com/emeraldstar) and uploading them to yet another site is time consuming and frustrating. *sigh* Two, I felt like because most of my other blogger friends use their blogs to actually blog about their lives, that I should kind of jump on the bandwagon and do the same. Three, I didn't really do it JUST to jump on the bandwagon. I did it because I wanted to. Just for the record : )

In other news! Today is December 22. The night that myself, Wendy, Kealy, Kailey, & Brittany all went to our dear friend, Lauren's house and enjoyed a home cooked vegetarian dinner that she made for us (including yummy salad with yummy dressing & some ah-mazingggg dessert!) In fact, Lauren inspired me to get back on the ol' blogger and get to gettin'! (Geez, that made me feel really Texan. That won't happen again, sorry : /) Any who, something about tonight made me feel really really good and glad to have the friends that I have. I really hope to update this more often and be the loyal blogger that I've always aspired to be! (baha)

In other-other news! I just posted two more of my poems from the "no title" series that I wrote a few months ago. Thought they needed to be there since I kept the others. : )

no title [i know you]on my cheeks. words jumbled in my heart, feelings jumbled in my mind. oh, but, i know you. this cold page. those warm hands. but he knows you like no one else does. he loves you. take this strand of my hair, and please, oh please, don't think of me like that. don't compare me like that. open your eyes, don't be hurt, please. hear my tears, feel my quaking heart beat and my shuddering body. we are one and this hurts.

slow. close your eyes, darling, i miss the candles and your lovely scent. it's such a terrible thing that those other scents are so alluring. captivating my curiousity, such a shame, shame shame. i'm wrapped in this off-white sheet, thinking of those days and nights. those times in between. reading old letters and notes, oh, such a sad, sad shame. is it just poetics? just words in the sand, everlasting only in memories or perhaps photographs? i want you to feel this right now. i want you to feel it. because, really, everything fades in the middle.

paint splatters on metal mean so little to you, i'm sure, but do you really know? have you even really tried? assumptions never lead to the true answer. inhale. exhale. your fingers on my back. look at me. remember me. remember me. imagine my voice reading this to you. i'll let you feel my pain just as i have felt yours.

Saturday, June 13, 2009

tearing. fighting. beat, beat, beat. circles. concentric. opposite. far, far away. once upon a touch. in sickness and in health, but only when i’m there. unhappy and happy, dysfunctional. torn. pretty pictures. Rip, rip, rip. such a bitter sweet ending. why must everyone know? christmas trees and leprechauns, all through the years. so why? nobody’s fault. nobody’s fault. it is what it is, broken, twisted, forgotten. late nights, early mornings. flowers. unexpected. sweet. comforting. so much pain, so much impending torture. what a regular ending to such a spectacular beginning. then take me, take me, i’m yours. just don’t touch me. calendar on the wall. page after page. ink on my hand, on my sheets. so much emotion. fine, fine, fine. questions in your head. answers in mine. we switch. we dance. we breathe. in corners and under blankets. hidden and exposed. such terrible, terrible torture. take me, i'm yours. give the magic back to me. the power. i am the queen. waiting, waiting, waiting, you will never really know. but neither will i. if only we were in neverland...

Monday, April 27, 2009

small and meek. innocent eyes, curious explorations. fingers reach and reach and reach. grasp. sting. in my mother's long, white nightgown. repeat. sting again. jar of buzzing stripes, angry. confused. we just want to pollinate. mason lets them out. fat, round earthlings. comfortable and squat beneath the birdbath. in the rich, overflowing garden. chirping, scared. meek and needy, just like me. young; define young. big words i'll never understand. making friends for entertainment. snip, snip, hair in the refrigerator. cold. unusual. babysitter on the phone. she's young, too. always try to follow the rules, buy a lollipop. hug a bear. check out a book. how many points did you get? what an accomplishment, what a success. move your clip. little white sparkles blur my vision. go on an adventure. my name repeated in the distance, soothing, comforting. loud music and searching beams of light. racing through hallways, delighted screams. run, run, run. christmas lights in my bedroom. remote control, how exciting. practicing on my tall purple stool, pretend, pretend, pretend. bones uner the bed, trolls on the windowsill. Crystal, Crystal, Crystal. on the other side of the room.

funny how these things leak back in. so poignant. so honest. just like that red hand print on her cheek. so bold, so brazen. little recollections, so happy, so simple. memories from the past, just as mysterious as memories from the future. only closer. warmer. full of creepy crawlies in my pockets. locked out in the thunderstorms, playing on the swings. stroke the lizards to sleep, watch them turn brown on my skin. allergic to smoke and hairspray. quicksand with bricks. that ever-so-handy oak tree. spy on Blackie. study black widows. dream of ducks and dogs. that patch of grass. behind the garage. pick out stars. never forget, never forget. embrace, embrace, embrace. 1, 2, 3, cheese. got it.

maybe you would if you were listening. there's more than what's right in front of you. listen, listen, look, look. rising sun, sinking roots, hopeful hearts, broken spirits. joined somehow. scars have stories, most of them don't recall the pain, but the good times. go get hurt. be free, expose yourself. too many particulars? distracted, distracted, without the same effect. emerging from that in between, non-existent phase. dream-like, but with no dreams. the sound of footsteps on a beaten path. the sound of footsteps on clouds. name your children what you will, eager to leave the one print of your inner self on the world. fighting for the last straw. is it really worth it?

bite down on the plastic, six years old again, here comes the tooth fairy. golden ball slinks away, the pale light reigns once again. no struggle, it just is. so lets just come to terms. grow, grow, grow. reflect. record. nostalgic, one day extinct, and nobody remembers. famous outside your time. wealthy when it's no longer useful. look back again, shake your head. small smile. faint breeze. perspective. muscles uncoil. flutter of wings, you'll never know that feeling. you want it? perhaps one day you'll be an angel.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

rapture. willing to let go, letting go. free, free, free. find this interesting...at a complete loss, trying to determine. those piano notes. rather crumpled and worn. all for some reason. fingers against paper, all for some reason. lost dreams, lost memories, lost self. this is my song, she thought. he thought. we thought. they thought. too much thinking, too purposeful, let that go. splatters of thoughts on the paper, unique, i suppose. what does your handwriting reveal about you? such a strange entry, unlike any other. needed this, needed this. forget all you know about everything, reincarnated inside yourself, changing, refreshed, new start. don't be yourself, find yourself. how is this going? testing, testing, testing, how do they do that? must know everything, look it up, so easy. let go of that, let it go like snakes and bugs. why should we recognize you? heavy, heavy, heavy. you can't tell, can't follow this stream of thoughts, something like religion or space. reverse, reverse, reverse.

now take a breath. listen to that one song. hold someone's hand. don't speak. hold your own hand, self-comfort, self-realization. independence. everyday is spring. everyday is renaissance. such similar noises. the same stream, different water, wearing down stones, changing forever. cycle back. cycle back again. read the directions. rest. enjoy. feel all things, learn the spectrum of your emotions, how far will you go? round and round and round, repeat, repeat, repeat. sleep. is that life? even when things are bad, they are good. we are home wherever we are, sleeping inside ourselves. we are magical. don't read again until tomorrow, remember those dreams, you know the ones. everything, everything. clear your throat, speak up.

salut!

Welp! As some of you may or may not know, this blog was something quite different before but I've decided to expand it's horizons. You can view my photography on my flickr by visiting www.flickr.com/emeraldstar and I have a feeling I'll be posting some of my favorite photos here and there just because. : )