This blog is devoted to stuff that white people like

#84 T-Shirts

Many people and cultures view t-shirts as a simple piece of apparel that can be acquired cheaply and worn in casual situations. For white people, it’s never that easy. The t-shirt is one of the most complex and expressive items in their entire wardrobe.

Your choice of casualwear says a lot about you, and there are stringent rules and hierarchies associated with T-shirts that you must know before venturing into any white-dominated social situations.

T-shirts fall into three categories: vintage, new, and unacceptable, with the latter category compromising the bulk of the world’s supply. Within each category lies another, more precise subset of rules and rankings. Make no mistake, this is complicated.

The most prized t-shirt category is vintage. As shown earlier, white people need authenticity like they need oxygen and to have an original vintage t-shirt from the 1970s or 1980s is a very powerful social status symbol. The ideal shirt will have a funny logo, a year attached to it, and will be as thin as rice paper. In the event that two white people have shirts that meet this criteria, the superior ranking is given to the person who paid the least for the shirt. Acquiring a shirt at a vintage clothing store is seen as less respectable than sorting through racks at the Goodwill.

The second category of t-shirt is new and there really are only two options. The first is American Apparel, a company that constantly reminds you it is based in downtown Los Angeles. They are considered an acceptable white company since they produce things that are very simple, but also very expensive. The second acceptable new shirt is Threadless. This Chicago-based company produces artistic and funny t-shirts that are acceptable for concerts, Whole Foods and 80s night. White people like these shirts so much because they are designed by white people, for white people. Sort of like a white FUBU.

Finally, and perhaps the most important to be aware of, is the unacceptable category of t-shirts. There are a few simple rules to follow in order to avoid wearing the wrong t-shirt. First, if it’s made of a stiff, thick cotton, throw it in the garbage immediately. White people t-shirts must be made of the softest, finest organic cotton. This is law. Unless it is vintage, the shirt cannot be made in a foreign country (unless you can certify its labor conditions). The shirt cannot contain a current sports logo. Shirts with sports logos are acceptable, but they must contain a logo that hasn’t been used in 15 years. Last and not least, it cannot be baggy. Your t-shirt must be tight-fitting for both style and mating purposes.

It is also imperative to understand that faux vintage shirts (“Getting Lucky in Kentucky”) are completely unacceptable. They are beloved by the wrong kind of white people, and must be avoided at all costs.

This information is best applied when you are planning on attending a social gathering. Your t-shirt says a lot about you, and if it’s the right kind of shirt it will set white people at ease. Also, asking a white person “where did you get that shirt?” will allow them to tell you a detailed story about how they acquired it. This will enable them to assert why their shirt has a higher ranking than yours and they won’t view you as a threat.

Never underestimate the importance of t-shirts to white culture. It is an essential tool in determining the social rank, desirability, and value of a white person.

I used to have a very effective vintage t-shirt from the ’92 campaign of Dan Quayle and George Bush Senior. It had a huge picture of their faces in the center in red, white and blue ink. It was both ironic and conversational.

Unfortunately, a Democrat Biker (and the wrong kind of white person) didn’t pick up the irony, and threatened me when he saw it. I don’t have it any more.

so being the obviously 100 % white person i am, i immediately had to check out threadless, and what do you know….i DID like it! white people also like to shop online. and dont forget the dare t-shirts!

However even an obsolete logo does not usually redeem a sports shirt that says “World/Division Champions 19xx” unless the shirt has other points in its favor, such as different colored sleeves or a faded number on the back.

A thin, obsolete logo sports shirt *from a now-defunct team*, with a number on the back, is near the apex. E.g. a Quebec Nordiques shirt, rice paper thin, with a cracked and barely remaining number stuck on the back.

As always, dead on. Except I think that the “vintage” shirt, as you’ve described it, is somewhat on the way out. Unless the irony level is postively through the roof (as in the above gentlemen’s ’92 Bush shirt) I think most vintage shirts are starting to be seen as a little obvious and gaudy (I think I’d know, I live in Williamsburg!). In the t-shirt realm it seems to mostly be about american apparel type stuff, or other things that are both “very simple, but also very expensive,” as you’ve so aptly characterized it.

Frankly I’m suprised you didn’t comment on that extremely annoying trend of t-shirts with obscure photoshop designs on them, that are considered cool because they’re made by some trendy loser with a Mac, they’re difficult and complicated to acquire, are expensive, and are made in small quantities (thereby making you quite the impressive white person if you’re able to get one).

-those shirts that say some famous person is your boyfriend.
-“im with stupid”-yeah ya are 100% of the time….look down
-shirts with the outline of a girl wearing a bikini, made for women who should never wear a bikini
-shirts about “awareness”
-shirts displaying your participation in organized competitions (i.e. triathlons, 5ks, etc) even acceptable in their stiff cotton form

By the way, you realize that in addition to providing a great service to non-whites you are also helping space aliens infiltrate our planet flawlessly. Thanks a lot, jerks. Well, I guess you gotta laugh. At least until the probings start.

according to these lists I have a lot more in common with white people than I realized ( including my metal water bottle) very funny.
The white people in my life really love Ed Hardy, I mean LOVE Ed Hardy clothes.

To tie these two posts together, apparently highschool memories are so bad that hipsters insist on sporting T-shirts for schools they never went to.

The more obscure (and old) the T, the better.
East Bayside High Wildcats Volleyball? Perfect. Next all you need is a beard, some corduroys, shitty kick, wallet on a chain…and to top it off for extra hipster doofus cred: a brown vintage fedora.

I’m white and these are so true. Ya know what else is true? The world would be better off if every race was not allowed to have children with their own race. Eventually everybody will be brown and racisim will cease to exist. The whole idea is like a vestigial organ in the evolution of a species. We don’t need racial distinctions. I’m sure society will still find a way to divide itself but the color of skin is so lame.

Now back to reality. You’re website made me laugh so much I nearly peed. Just a little.

This isnt about t-shirts..but in the northwoods of Wisconsin , in the middle of winter, we adults can go to or 24 hr. walmart, only during the night, in our pajamas but they have to be newish pj’s …also must wear a coat or jacket over it. can also wear oldish bedroom slippers- however may not wear pj’s and bedroom slippers together at the same time. and one must walk proud when you are doing that…shows how cozy we are during such tough weather.

Apparently the author has not set foot in an urban high school lately. White kids who wear ‘t-shirts’ are dorks. Major Dorks. It’s the African-American students who have the corner market on Cool T-shirts.

I love the site but i’m a little concerned you are moving to making fun of histers. makeing fun of hipsters is easy, what makes your site funny is that you paint with a broad brush. “the wrong kinds of white people” shouldn’t be vocab on this site.

not that i can tell you how to run your site, but i thought i’d give you some feedback of how things are starting to look from my screen.

I would say that we as black people have an even more structured t-shirt game!

Novelty shirts:

“the man, the legend” is probably the most common black male novelty shirt. Finding a shirt that really demonstrates our wit but maintains our “gangster” is a difficult task.

Expensive black clothing designer:
We will spend upwards to $60 dollars on a t-shirt that is made by puff daddy(sean John), Russel Simmons, and any other up and coming entertainer. I think Usher might be the next artists that we lean toward with his prep boy swagger.

Expensive non-black clothing designer:

This items are a little overboard. Ed harley, Polo, once Tommy Hilfiger; we drop dollars on these brand name items. Although not the focus or desire for the clothing artists market they don’t mind the money that our people spend on these items.

I have the impression – correct me if I’m wrong – that *plain* t-shirts, i.e. with no hip/ironic/vintage thing written on them, are not really acceptable for white people. The exception is, perhaps, if they are women’s t-shirts that bear some obvious indication of being an $80 brand that a celebrity has been spotted wearing while out buying milk. These may then be deemed a ‘well-cut basic’ you should ‘invest in.’

Very true, especially the faux vintage… they just scream “too lazy for authenticity.” Though I am worried that white people falling off teh wagon when it coems to wearing fitted t-shirts…. too many giant baggy plain whte (why!) shirts being worn these days for my comfort levels.

Meh… Not really- this is too specific, while also being perfectly applicable to Japanese, and pretty much everyone really.
The last one wasn’t too hot either. Don’t let the desire to keep up production dilute the quality. If you’ve run out of good ideas, stop. 😉

Holy cow man, you’ve taken it to a whole new level…but yeah, white people like t shirts. Who doesn’t!
And I’m going to have to disagree with Mango; white people like me are flocking back to plain t-shirts…stay at the vanguard Mango.

My grandmother (God rest her sweet soul) passed some very very important instructions on to me when I was a wee white gearl. She was white and I am even whiter. These are some of the things she said to me:

(1) Never ride the bus. The bus is for “those other people;”
(2) Women should always have their own money; and
(3) never, never, never, never, never wear a T-shirt, of any kind, ever. For God’s sake, never.

I have learned to be okay with riding the bus. She was wrong about that one. But she was right about the second one. And as for the third, well, I hate T-shirts. They look like crap on everyone. Even you, dear reader – you look like crap in that T-shirt. What would your grandmother say to see you looking like that???

I have some T-shirts but I restrict the wearing of them to the gym. Everyone looks like crap at the gym anyway, so we all might as well be wearing T-shirts.

So yes: Mr. Clary makes a good point. Please do a post about people who do not follow your instructions about how to be white.

Because honestly, the world needs your advice about how to deal with people who are different.

I have a paper-thin black Johnny Cash t from the 80’s. My husband used it to clean his flute in college. It goes without saying that it is THE crowning jewel of my wardrobe. White people literally go crazy when I wear it out.

However, I must warn you…if this site gets anymore popular – it will fall into the “trendy” category and I will have no choice but to remove it from my bloglines. Just sayin’…

I have some concerts shirts that a pushing 20 years. I also have a couple of skateboarding shirts (Powell Peralta and Vision Street Wear) that are circa 1986. They look bad!

I disagree about the faux vintage shirts. There are some pretty cool ones out there. Noise Bot is a pretty good webiste for such shirts. I have gotten a couple of cool ones from Target (pronounced “Tar-zhay”) and Wal-Mart (pronounced “under $15”).

I have found the occasional ironic treasure at Salvation Army and Goodwill. The key is go to a location that is in a well-to-do area. Treasure galore.

Okay, I have the category of college T-shirt that is acceptable to white people. (I should know, because I own one and win status contests.) It’s the second-rate college that you’ve never been to and can’t find on a map, found in the bins at your local Goodwill-type establishment, is paper thin (almost indecently) and is that shade of grey popular in the late 70s/early 80s. C’mon. I win, right?

On my way to work today saw a guy with a vintage t-shirt riding a unicycle with one of those skater helmets. couldn’t tell if he had a plastic or aluminum water bottle. either way i’m sure heads turn when he walks into wicked cafe to get his morning latte.

i wanted to acknowledge his status but wasn;t sure of the correct hand gesture; a thumbs-up, air high-five, a hang-loose, or a simple two finger nod.

Another thing white people like: Crafts. I’m poking fun at myself with this one, since I’m white and will happily spend $80 and spend countless hours making a sweater that I could buy for $15 at Wal-Mart.

Also: Running marathons. Especially if they can do it for charity, thereby making them feel good about themselves while giving them somthing to brag about. If they really cared about the charity, they would quietly give a cash donation, which is more useful anyway.

I agree completely with post #78. I detest t-shirts. Detest. That word isn’t even strong enough. I revile t-shirts, and I view those who wear them extremely dimly. I only wear t-shirts to the gym, or the beach. Even if I am not planning on leaving the house, I put on a polo or a button-down. I am beginning to think that I am not, in fact, white.

Thank God I’m not white. White T-shirts are underwear to me. Message T-shirts are underwear with someone else’s message, not yours. Logo T-shirts are underwear with a company using you for advertising, and you are not getting paid–you paid them for the underwear.

I wear Long-sleeved dress shirts always. In casual situations, and in the summer, I roll the sleeves up. Very handsome and elegant.

It’s funny. The English (white people) created the suit and most other elegant clothing items. Today, most white people have abandoned their creations in favor of the most inelegant items: T-shirts and jeans.

Stupidest post yet. Show me someone (of any race) that doesn’t wear t-shirts, and I will show you a total pompous douchebag. (I’m looking at you, #86. Even your picture looks douchetastic. Make sure you pop that collar on your polo/buttondown. Asshat)

how about shoes?? White people have shoes for every occasion. Generally poor people from third world countries make them and they are in countries where shoe cleaners are on every corner, probably because even if they make our shoes day in and day out, they simply take care of the pair they have. why just the other day i saw in our local newspaper an advertisement for KITCHEN shoes!!! we have shoes to garden in, walk in, hike in, work in, bike in, run in, climb in, crosstrain in, a type for each competitive sport, not to mention dress shoes, and my god, there’s sandals and flip-flops. and yes, there are vintage shoes that apply to each category as well! it seems best they fit perfectly, so to guarantee the best possible conditions for our musculoskeletal health, help us along in our sport, and if not, well, our feet will be at least cool looking.

I was gifted an actual “getting lucky in kentucky” tee shirt as a “hooray you are pregnant” gift and now it has sadly lost meaning. If i retired it as a painting smock for my now three-year-old’s art class, would I regain my white person status?

In the event that two white people have shirts that meet this criteria, the superior ranking is given to the person who paid the least for the shirt. Acquiring a shirt at a vintage clothing store is seen as less respectable than sorting through racks at the Goodwill.

But if you bought the shirt NEW 20 years ago, it gives you the highest ranking of all. That or it just makes you old.

I’ve been talking about the ways of the white people for years! As an immigrant (white) who attended an inner-city (mostly immigrant and minority) school system on the east coast, I didn’t really encounter white people until I went to college. In college, however, they freaking blew my mind! For instance, I could never understand why it was so important to them that I know what bands they were into and why they were so awesome or why they thought that just because I wore dark jeans and sneakers and had dark brown hair I was into this or that music/band/author. It was all so confusing.

Unfortunately, after many years of mixing with the white people, I’m afraid that I’ve taken on some of their ways (e.g., I love modern furniture!). This should serve as a warning to those currently encountering white people for the first time. Resist as long as you can!

One of my own favorites (picked up at the Salvation Army) is for a black school back east somewhere (Spellman maybe). It has some cartoonish pics of African Americans on it, and the logo says, “The Balcker the College, the Better the Knowledge!”

Like all good white people, I watch The Wire (suggestion for new post?) and it seems like the black gangsters on that show fetishize the T-shirt as much as white hipsters do. And everything on The Wire is so gritty that it must be authentic.

“Frankly I’m suprised you didn’t comment on that extremely annoying trend of t-shirts with obscure photoshop designs on them, that are considered cool because they’re made by some trendy loser with a Mac, they’re difficult and complicated to acquire, are expensive, and are made in small quantities (thereby making you quite the impressive white person if you’re able to get one).”

that “trendy loser with a Mac” you described is my brother. However, to his defense, I don’t think that exploiting the white people’s addiction to trendy t-shirts can be considered the works of a loser, he makes a lot of money doing it. Furthermore, because they’re obscure and he makes them himself, he has gained the confidence and respect of many white people, and is of high status in their circle; he is almost like their drug dealer.

Asshat? Do we say that in America? Also, what do t-shirts have to do with popped collars? The same asses who wear Guy Harvey t-shirts to dinner are the ones who pop the collar on their Polo or Lacoste polo’s, because they have more money than taste. Nice categorization of someone you have never met.

Once, I dated a white girl. She taught me the thin t-shirt rule. So, for Christmas that year (which she didn’t really celebrate, like a lot of ironic/hipster/well-educated white people don’t [so it was an ironically over-the-top celebration for us]), I got her a couple of t-shirts from a brand she had never heard of called Barking Irons.

It’s based in lower Manhattan, below 14th street, in a shop above a Chinese chicken butcher that is serviced by a freight elevator that you have to operate yourself.

How about an Ozzy Osbourne ‘Diary of a Madman’ jersey? Do they count too? Otherwise I have old Cramps and Damned t-shirts still, but they’d probably fall apart if you tried to wear them.
Count you frame or shellac and mount them?

I pretty much love everything on this list…except vintage t shirts and Jimmy Buffet. I have 2 graduate degrees and am pursuing a third. One of those degrees is in knowing what is best for poor people (really). I shop at Whole Foods like my Life depends on it. Just yesterday I threatened to move to Mexico (last year it was Canada… but the exchange rates are bad). I voted for Obama while drinking tea. This site confirms that I am, in fact, THE Whitest White Girl EVER.

Hot topic is something angsty suburban kids like. They usually grow up to be “white people” so, “stuffwhitepeoplelike” can include talking about how they were “so cool” when they once worked at Hot Topic.

Vinatge tees, fuax or not, suck. What’s the point? Why do people insist on representing past decades they didn’t belong to? Everyone should try and represent themselves and their individual qualities; though I do wish I had a Utah Jazz t-shirt from the Stockton and Malone era. It’s a nice logo.

As for American Apparel, the only thing that makes them interesting is the fact that their models are also employees of the company, and that their stuff is made here in, America. I wish more companies would do the same. Their prices blow.

Lastly, it’s sad that this is even a topic to be mentioned. The fact that so many people are concerned with the way they look over more important things such as their family bonds or time spent with friends, sucks. This pool is too shallow, I want to be able to swim laps in culture. Maybe I should move to Canada. HA.

Is this morality? Social engineering? Mythologized obsession with normality? Desperate attempt to be different? Pathological naval gazing? Not if you ask any white person. In fact, they will probably tell you they have one of these tragic medical conditions and take pills for it daily.

from The Council of Graduate Schools, “the proportion of graduate students who were members of a minority group increased from 26% to 28% – the largest increase in at least 6 years.”

yeah, that’s being full of minorities right there.

i only see greasy looking kids in t-shirts and 90% of them are white. the blog author is totally spot on with the American Apparel mention. Just look at most of their ads- chock full of 100 lb. white people.

1. Making fun of white people, in what they consider to be a witty way, so much so it becomes annoying

2. Talking about white peoples ’strange’ quirks 50% of their free time because theyre not racist just “curious”

3. Saying things like “nothing personal but white people are sooo…”

4. Being literally obsessed with white people, what white people do, how white people act and accussing everyone who isnt white of being white because their skin happens to be somewhat light in color.

5. Not having a life that doesnt involve talking about white people or someone they perceive to be white for obnoxious amounts of time…daily

6. Pretending they are smarter then “white people” or those they perceive to be white. Secretly wishing they were white in order to feel better about themselves. NOTE: they would never admit this though so dont ask

7. Never shutting up about white people to the point where “white” people dont want them around because they are so damn annoying and insecure

8. Hating “white” people whether they are white or not (but appear white) they love loathing white people. In a joking manner of course! That way they can accuse you of not having a sense of humor. It seems they would make a career of it if they could.

I have always had an irrational need to sift through the dreck at the local goodwill, and now I know why! I’m white! Easily, my favorite t-shirt has a picture of a stylized Llama that says “California State Fair Llama Show: 1997”

I saw “t-shirt” and immediately knew “threadless” would come up. Although I see them more on asian people than white people where I’m at. But I love threadless anyway, I don’t care how many (white) people buy their stuff. I’m wearing one of my many threadless shirts right now!

P.S. I think I know what you’re doing here, at least what I want to believe you’re doing, and I think I like it. Many whites don’t appreciate unjust stereotyping based on race, mostly because they’ve never experienced it and thus “just don’t get it” and only suffer “white guilt” superficially. So when this blog pops up and (white) folks get all uppity and enraged by it, they really learn what being the target of prejudice feels like, myself included (even though I’m not really white, but I fit a good 60% of your posts).

I love my early U2 concert tees, and win all sorts of approval when I wear them…

Also…White people (the right kind) LOVE college sports and DISDAIN pro sports. Because it’s not really about the GAME anymore when you’re PAID for it…and besides, only the wrong kind of white people watch pro (ie non-college-educated, blue collar, cheap-beer-drinking….)

I think you need to add T’s that are aquired at a bar. The more obsure the bar and simpler the T the better.
Also, free T’s should be given a loftier status.
Finally, I think AF and AE put out all sorts of T’s that are made to look vintage. Those are crap.

One subcategory of t-shirts overlooked, the athletic event: particularly running, or now, for the everyman (completing) the triathlon or marathon. Anyway, the idea is that you pay for an event and upon finishing you can wear it (secretly) proudly. Usually, NOT razor thin cotton unfortunately. But the more worn the look, holes, nasty etc, the better. However, you usually only wear it to another like sporting event, and you are then marked as a *seasoned* athlete. This is especially important, when performing an annual event and you are wearing the prior year’s (or more desirably, an even more vintage year) t-shirt! You look upon disdain the poor fool running in the race day shirt – the newbie. One exception is if you are wearing it to train in. Again, not looking brand new is better, unless you are in a gym where you are supposed to look to a certain standard.

Race t-shirts are addictive. Sometimes you enter races because the shirts have great designs or mark vacation spots (exotic destinations). But the rule is you MUST have participated in them yourself. Also, entering the race and then not running for any reason (sick, slept in, too hungover, whatever) is no reason to EVER wear the shirt for the purist. Just in case this isn’t ever covered. (-:

so many of my friends are like this. they are white people. i used to think they were cool, and now I realise my entire value system was/is based on bullshit. i never realised we actually had a stereotype. Thin, faded old bowling t shirts are popular~

Think I’m gonna kick back, tune in to CBC/NPR, listen to some authentic music (ideally, some Indie band that hasn’t let some pre-determined level of ‘success’ corrupt them), peruse a copy of my New Yorker, consider moving to Portland, rent a Truffaut film, discuss it intelligently with someone who works in an office but has a side gig DJing, consider a road trip and some snowboarding…

how about making all of you dark people our slaves and giving you jobs and college spots when you don’t deserve them? how about elevating mediocre writers like zora neal hurston and ralph ellison to legendary status to make you feel like you can accomplish something?
white people also like watching black thugs enter the NBA and making total asses of themselves

although I do know alot of guys(and they are NOT all white) who wear Tshirts. Some to hide their fat stomachs, some to call themselves”stylish” without trying too hard or spending too much moola or those who don’t try at all to be stylish. Its a funny piece of clothing that can be both the sh*t and be fugly at the same time.

#160 Race t-shirts are addictive. Sometimes you enter races because the shirts have great designs or mark vacation spots (exotic destinations). But the rule is you MUST have participated in them yourself. Also, entering the race and then not running for any reason (sick, slept in, too hungover, whatever) is no reason to EVER wear the shirt for the purist. Just in case this isn’t ever covered. (-:

NGTC is absolutely correct, sir!, on this slash genre of White People-ness.

If ever asked, “Did you do the Crim that year”, pointing at your shirt, “I heard it was 100 degrees with 100% humidity and 2 runners actually died on The Bradley’s…?” and you have to admit you didn’t actually run because your Mom died or whatever no one has to tell you to cringe in shame you just do it–automatically– even if you just threw the shirt on for a trip to the 7-11.

The funny thing is, I’ve never actually heard anyone say this rule outloud it’s just known by osmosis(whitey-word points!).

My girlfriend comes at me with a T-shirt that’s practically new-looking because it’s a run shirt that I didn’t do so I obviously couldn’t wear it. I should have never bothered to pick it up but I guess I figured I’d give it to Goodwill, anyway, it was hell to pay to get her to understand it was against the law to wear a run shirt I didn’t run in.

I am getting kinda disgusted that these comments are getting downright grotesque. I’m not for censorship, but jeez people, let’s stay on track. This is a blog to make fun of white people, written by white people. It shouldn’t be about attacking anyone. Get a freaking grip. Its supposed to be fun. Alot of you are taking the fun out of it.

We know you think that we like “Pretending they are smarter then “white people” or those they perceive to be white.”

(By the way – it’s actually “smarter THAN white people”. Not THEN as you wrote in your awesome list.)

And you think we are “Secretly wishing they were white in order to feel better about themselves. NOTE: they would never admit this though so dont ask”.

But, that’s so false it’s crazy bro.

We just like lauging at your pasty white asses sometimes. Specifically, asses like yours that have some sorta long, rusty, metal pipe protruding from it.

And we know that you think we enjoy “Hating “white” people whether they are white or not (but appear white) they love loathing white people. In a joking manner of course! That way they can accuse you of not having a sense of humor. It seems they would make a career of it if they could.”

Duuuuuude . . . we don’t hate white people at all. We actually loooove laughing at how a lot of you stereotype other races on a daily basis and then get totally peeved when someone playfully turns the table on you.

But we wouldn’t make a career of the shit. You all aren’t THAT important. We do this on a part-time basis.

Finally, you think that we’re “Being literally obsessed with white people, what white people do, how white people act . . .”

Stallion – you’re so wrong it hurts.

Want proof?

We’re all the proof you need. Us Covert Rascist Pseudo Ethnic Comedians don’t even exist. We’re all in your mind. Fucking with you. Trying to figure out new ways every day to push your ass off a cliff . . .

Just Kidding.

Anyway, we have to kick rocks now – we’re heading out to find a way to get over it. On second thought . . . wanna come?

So far I’ve been enjoying your satirical look at white people, but in this post you actually contradict yourself. You write that false vintage t-shirts “are beloved by the wrong kind of white people”. Then you end by saying that t-shirts are an “essential tool in determining the social rank, desirability, and value of a white person.” You can’t have a group called “white people”, which includes ALL people who are white, and then make up another group called “the wrong type of white people” just to make your point. All white persons are included in your group, so what what you got here, my friend, is a logical phallacy.

I met a black friend for lunch today and he had a t-shirt w/ a vintage like appearance. It had Dr. Suess’ Green Eggs & Ham on it. It was awesome. Maybe I should have asked him if he was white in another life??

Some of the stuff on your list were really funny. I think your list also applies to a lot of non-white people, with possible inferiority complexes who blindly adhere to all these “white stuff” in order to blend in, or may be to feel whiter.

I have a few more for you:

1. The overuse of the expressions “That’s great!” and “That’s awesome!” for things that are completely ordinary.

2. The overuse of the expressions “like” and “you know”.

3. Giving “Diplomas”, “Awards”, “Certifications”, etc for the most ridiculous and mediocre “achievements” and having overblown and long ceremonies and protocols for these.

Favorite shirts in our house from the Goodwill–Old family reunion shirts from the 80’s with photos of the entire family–which happens to not be white. Also–the free cereal shirts (like Golden Grahams) that are worn so thin they are practically transparent.
We are definitely white!

Hmm, wow, I wasn’t born Caucasian, but since I seem to fit the tab for almost all the posts here, DOES THAT MAKE ME WHITE?

Wow, thanks for enlightening me, ‘Stuff White People Like’! I didn’t know association with things like Grad School and plays makes me white! How very not-racist, and how satirical! I’m breaking out into paroxysms of laughter, really!

I like the insight this website brings, but I don’t like how saying “white people like” without mentioning how many or what percentage can lead people to believe that all or even the majority of white people like the things you are talking about.

the most highly respected t-shirt in the white community is the free t-shirt. any shirt that was stolen/given away by a bar/team/athletic event/5k/beef and beer are highly considered. the more obscure the better, becaues people will ask you where the bar is/how is it, etc.

It’s too bad, really, that non-whites don’t have as much stuff to like as whites.

Next on the list:
Working hard for a promotion – Cause blacks and hispanics don’t! LOL!!!
Having a house that’s more than one foot away from the neighbors house – The asians live so close to each other! LOL!!
Eating a lot – Cause only whites do that! LOL!!
Having a nice car – Cause all whites are rich! LOL!!
Not eating poison – Cause the Chinese like to eat lead! LOL!!

Those are hilarious! To think that whites like those things! I can’t wait for the post! OMG! LOL!!!111

While I agree that the “Lucky in Kentucky” genre of t-shirts is both played and unacceptable, I cannot help wanting one that says “New Jersey: Only the Strong Survive.” As a white person and a Jersey native, wearing this shirt would allow me to publicly display my affection for the most maligned state in the union, while impressing others with my ironic sense of humor. Plus, it would give me the opportunity, when asked where in Jersey I am from, to say “Near Newark,” thus giving me street cred.

I LOVE being totally out of step with the rest of the honkies on here. Just for starters, I can’t remember the last time I even bought a t-shirt. I am given them often, at classic auto events and from the various professional sports teams we have season tickets for. I NEVER-EVER buy a shirt with a team logo or god forbid a sports jersey. I just get them FREE from the teams we have tickets for – not to mention all sorts of other swag we seem to get every sports season.
As for actually being so stupid that you BOUGHT a t-shirt that say Nike or Fubu on it – well you are obviously such a fucking sheep that you might as well have a stamp on your forehead that says SUCKER!
P.S. – And even more retarded than a Fubu shirt are old political t-shirts – especially for people or campaigns that LOST. Now that is hopelessly pathetic!

white people need authenticity like they need oxygen, OMG you people are genius!

in reference to the t-shirt here is yet more proof: at this year’s Whitney Biennial, the hispterati may purchase limited edition GAP t-shirts with designs made by sexy contemporary artists who are alumni of the exhibition, people like Barbara Kruger, Glenn Ligon and (the one I got) Kerry James Marshall

haha! at the time of this post, my girlfriend is watching tv, wearing a very faded, very thin shirt that says “Barn Bash ’84” with a cute (read: stupid) logo on it. And yes, she paid $0.96 for it at Goodwill.

This site is cute, but… aren’t we talking about both race and class here? This is a list of stuff that all of my relatively affluent, well-educated, liberal hipster friends enjoy, whether they’re white or not.

And there aren’t many things on this list that the not-so-rich white folks in my family enjoy. Though I guess we have Jeff Foxworthy around to paint them with a broad brush.

white people like: talking about themselves, literacy, religions, woody allen, cinematography, middle class, cbc newsworld if you are canadian, charity, going back to nature, to not feel guilty for all the world ills, weed (everyone likes weed?)…..

Something else white people like:
overanalyzing/bitching about a funny blog such as this one, then getting into a flame war within comments section of said funny blog, and ultimately continue coming back to funny blog to read it anyway (wash rinse repeat).

I like my T-shirts, but I’ve never wear t’s with sports, college, or statements printed on them. Mostly just print designs. Because I am fashion impaired (wal-mart), my wife buys me Louis Vuitton & John Varvatos (very comfortable).
While this blog is right on, I have noted that you have not been to Mississippi. In the article, you wrote, “Your t-shirt must be tight-fitting for both style and mating purposes.” People in MS should never, ever wear tight fitting t’s, because it produces the opposite affect… nausea and celibacy. Sorry folks, butt cracks and saggy stomachs are disgusting and un-necessary.

Right now is an excellent time to clean out the closet and make some cash- a fool on Ebay bought my ‘1988 Wrestling State Championship’ shirt for $15. All I did was write “vintage T-shirt” in the description. I still have 2 more, so if any jackass here wants one shoot me an E-mail.

I’m definitely anti-word on t-shirts (and yeah, thanks to America’s changing racial categories, I’m white even if my grandparents weren’t until after WWII), which is why Japan’s t-shirt culture was so weird to me. They’re kind of getting over the “treat English like Americans treat Chinese characters” thing in the last couple of years, but the rules are very complex and hard to discern for a gaijin like me. Hope you’ll get into the comparative white studies thing soon….

here’s an idea for your blog – stuff white people like #312: Blogs (preferably blogs that seem to concern their daily lives and are a comment on the world as a whole as they see it, but are not necessarily, a comment on their own lives).

i do in fact own a vintage Batman t-shirt, which i get compliments all the time about how cool it is, especially from white people. it’s like they secretly can’t get over the fact that an asian kid has a better shirt than they do. muahaha

I like the references to the “wrong type of of white people” made here and in the entry that mentions Dane Cook fans. That type of white person represents a significant % of all white people, but, ya, they deserve to be referenced only briefly, occasionally, and derisively.

interesting thoughts….I guess if we didn’t like t-shirts so much American Apparel would be out of business. ALSO I hate “cute” phrases shirts…so overdone and yet you still see kiosks of them everywhere! Whats up with that?

Interesting thoughts….I guess if we didn’t like t-shirts so much American Apparel would be out of business. ALSO I hate “cute” phrases shirts…so overdone and yet you still see kiosks of them everywhere! Whats up with that? Who is keeping them in business??

Interesting thoughts….I guess if we didn’t like t-shirts so much American Apparel would be out of business. I too hate “cute” phrase shirts…so overdone and yet you still see kiosks of them everywhere! Whats up with that? Who is keeping them in business??

i love how black ppl did the opposite, the plain big ol’ white t-shirt. they loved it so much they made a song of it. its also a lot cheaper buying your 3-pack of plain white t’s, maybe thats the reason, bring cheap back in style, sorta like whites with the goodwill.

What about ethnic food? We whiteies love to eat ethnic food and often we relate stories about how our oppressive ancestors wrongly killed and abused the culture that created the food while we are consuming it. It is all kind of like the Obama phenomenon where white people support him just to prove they are not racist; we love out ethnic food to prove that we are not prejudiced and not our fathers or grand-fathers.

I don’t want any more T-shirts but people keep buying them for me. They say things that embarrass me. Should I regift them or sell them on Ebay? Or would this be a betrayal of my friendships, not to mention my race?

I won’t add to your list or quote you some Lacan from my comfortable modern furniture while wearing my soft cotton T and sipping my unpronounceable coffee beverage. I must, however, say that this blog has opened up one of the most fascinating commentaries on race in any communicative medium. Kudos, and keep the fun comin’.

I love this website, more than likely because I’m a white graduate student with an apartment furnished from IKEA. I also love my collection of AA shirts (all from Shirt.Woot!)

Please consider doing a post on horse shows. White people love horses and going to horse shows (not meaning local horse shows but “A” shows.) Trust me on this one, we get to show off our fancy horses and wear $250 pants at the same time!

This blog is PRICELESS!!!! But it obviously targets a particular “type” of white people–what you might call buppies–so I wonder why the author doesn’t point that out in the title. Also, I’m a fan of quite a few of these things…I wonder if I’ll have to trade in my black pass for a white one lol

I read through the last several weeks of your posts. They are , without doubt, some of the funniest and most incisive commentaries I have read in weeks. That said, I am left with a question I am hoping someone can answer. Its interesting to me that the ‘white-ist” white is a liberal progressive (eco-friendly, prius driving, etc.) Is it just that the hypocrisy of white-liberals makes them easy to lampoon? Why is the focus on this type of white person as opposed to a rich white Republican who feels that they worked hard to afford their large home, hummer H2 and have a not so thinly disguised contempt for anyone who isn’t like them?

I’ll be super white today and tell you about the tshirt that I got on my trip to tanzania this summer that says “MZUNGU” on it, which is Swahili for “white person” aka rip them off. Even the Tanzanians caught on to the white person’s love of clever tshirts and how in touch we are w/ our whiteness. It doesn’t get more white than walking around w/ a tshirt that says “WHITE PERSON”. I doubt it meets the foreign labor conditions standards but I couldn’t resist. And it’s incredibly soft.

Threadless is NOT an acceptable source of new tshirts. They jumped the shark once they started printing slogans on their shirts. Now Threadless is treated with the same disdain as Pitchforkmedia.com. Other tiny, independant tshirt companies that are exactly like Threadless used to be, but are not actually Threadless, are acceptable. BONUS POINTS if it is a subscription-based company.

Concert merchandise is also an acceptable source of new Tshirts, but then all of the rules of Indie Music apply, which makes it very difficult!

This is so funny, I really really hate fake vintage t-shirts! I am amazed at how incredibly white I am every time I read this.

As a counter to the guy with the Mets ’85 WC t-shirt, about every person alive in Boston in ’86 has a “Red Sox 1986 World Champions” T-shirt. It’s not a misprint, they print both teams’ shirts ahead of time because they don’t know who will win.

I think this post relates to a narrower group of white people… perhaps a later post could address new england white style… ralph lauren, jcrew, and lacoste. Typically polo shirts paired on white girls with a matching pastel ribbon, and for men embroidered khakis and loafers with no socks.

Awesome entry. Can’t wait to see arthouse films in a future post. White people love independent films especially those consisting of endlessly long shots with no coherent narrative structure, little dialog and no soundtrack. The more confusing and boring film a film is the more white people will like it.

I’d just like to point out that Threadless has an international community of over 650,000 registered users and millions of customers. Our tees are designed by people everywhere – from the US to Japan and everywhere in between, above and below. Our tees are designed by anyone and intended for everyone.

Officials Beware 3-08-08
Peter Macdonald 465 Packersfalls rd Lee NH 03824 603-659-6217 NH.veteran@yahoo.com
Paul, thank you for your suggestion about blogs. I try every day to get my letters on different blogs. It is not that people do not know what is happening, the people are just to afraid of government to dare speak openly for me. I can not blame them. Look what our system of government has allowed to be done to harm someone that volunteers to help others every day. I came back from the Vietnam Conflict 100% disabled. NH has taken my freedom, harass my family at work and home, stopped my medical care for injuries received defending this great nation, the local police refuse to allow me to file a complaint, the NH Strafford county sheriff’s office is now used by judge Peter Fauver for gusto scare tactics to stop my letters and much more. Judge Peter Fauver criminally violates the Constitution to intentionally harm U.S. citizens. I dare volunteer my time to help this Madbury NH family and the system protects Fauver over the rights of the individual U.S. citizen. I continue to help this family (as a volunteer) because it is not just one family. This criminal act is detrimental to the peace and dignity of the entire U.S. Judge Fauver criminally violated the Constitution 29 or more times to intentionally harm this Madbury Family. Judge Fauver is a criminal by all definitions of the word. The Sheriff’s office warns me not to label a judge a criminal. I have violated no laws. I volunteer every day to help others. I dare label Fauver a criminal because he is. I help the Madbury family because they are every U.S. citizen. I stand for the United States of America. If the news media believes censorship to protect the powerful over the individual is ethical it is their free right because the U.S. military protect their right to do so. When the news media believes protecting a criminal judge over the rights of the individual is ethical they belong in a communist nation. The news wonders why they have to lay off workers. Lack of ethics is why people no longer trust the news media. Print the opinion of the people unedited.
I believe some people in the system are just afraid if my words get out they may loose what power and prestige that they have. To let a criminal judge destroy any U.S. family will not happen on my watch. No matter what they do to me I will stand for the United States of America and every one of you. Paul by goggling my name all my letters are printed for every one to read. My words are being heard that is why these criminal government officials are so afraid.
Peter Macdonald Sgt USMC Semper FI

amazing blog. all this time i thought i was making ethical and healthy life decisions, with the biking, the no tv, the yoga and the vegetarian diet (except for sushi, of course)…now i see that i’ve just been feeding into the machine. i’ll take it naturally as a challenge to up the ante even further, becoming an even paler shade of white. now that hipster is cliche, where can we turn to for the next post-modernist revolution???

on a related note, i think you should devote a blog to my beloved culture’s obsession with themed parties and potlucks. as rankings go, the more esoteric the theme, the better.

also, i should note that i’ve been on the phone with an apple specialist while reading/commenting today to get my macbook battery fixed. oh, how i love apple…just thought i’d further validate my whiteness for you 😉

did sarcasm already get a posting? because that is white people currency, as i trust you already knew…

Pretty funny. I’m guilty of a lot of these. You should do a post on “The Wire,” because watching that show totally shows how authentic and “colorblind” the white watcher is. Then again, I think you should stop posting because I’ll soon have nothing else to eat, watch, buy, or believe in that doesn’t define me as a horrible yuppie.

as an albino, i can officially speak for all white people when i say:
T shirts ROCK!!!! god i just LOVE to wear t shirts…its so amazing to cover my upper body with cloth but not my forearms…its AWESOME!! I get great to wear logos like Guns dont kill people, I kill people, and people look into my cold albino eyes and they are usually SCARED!! its fantastic.

Wait, a minute, I just used my Firefox browser (white people love alternatives to Bill Gates) to search for vintage. No one has asked a really important question: what is the rank of vintage shirts that you’ve owned the whole time and did not buy at Goodwill, Ebay, or (choke) Urban Outfitters? Say, the 1985 Duran Duran vintage still in good shape because you never put it on your body except for a concert or two, the 1978 “I walked my feet off in the nation’s capitol” complete with red foot prints, or the or the mid-90s “Get your rosaries off my ovaries” tee?

I actually thought that white people loved high-quality thick cotton because it shows you paid a lot of money for the shirt, unlike the thin white cotton of a cheap undershirt from K-Mart. I’m probably the wrong kind of white person.

this is not the right place for suggstion I’m sure but I think given the steve irwin situation and the prevalance of things like the national geographic channel, I think wildlife/ shit they shouldn’t be messing with such as snakes should be added as the number 1 think white people like .

I had a t-shirt that I acquired through a trade with a Taiwan basketball team member in his country. I was 19. He got my Cornell shirt. About ten years ago the Chinese shirt shredded. It’s possible since I am currently old.

That shirt was an exception.

Most of the t-shirts I bought for myself and my motherless children, when I was doing that, were from either expensive resorts or exotic locations. Heron Island in the Great Barrier Reef; Bomba’s Shack in Little Carrot Bay, Tortola. Like that. Meta-cool.

Funny what happened however. We grew into collared polo shirts. Completely left the T-shirt scene. A month ago, I bough 6 t-shirts from a cut rate chain drug store in Machias, Maine. They were Old Navy seconds in 3 kinds of grey. I fear that I have gone past t-shirts as an issue.

Can we please talk about fountain pens? Or table manners? Or bed linens, or host towels in the hallway half bath? Surely there are some old white people around who could get it up for these hot topics.

Warm personal regards,
Digby
Perhaps there are some old white people who

I am no white or black,but i m sure that if someone did an article about what black people like,people would have surely come forward saying its racist.But since we live in a free country nobody would say anything about this.If you read the whole list, you get a feeling that the writer of the blog is trying exhale his disagreements(more like hatred) then make fun of white people.Some of it was funny but most of it was just insults or I would say Jealousy.

since reverse lookup his number revealed his address and number is true, i highly doubt he’s bluffing, do ur own research. if true, get the word out and put this judge and all those fighting for a criminal behind bars.

I have to take issue with you on one “t” … and I know at least one of your readers will disagree with me – but as a certified white person I find the Hanes Beefy “T” – 100% cotton, solid colors only, short sleeve, no pocket, crew neck t-shirt to be the gold standard of t-shirts. Nothing wears and fades and ages quite as well …

I still love the blog, but this post might be a little too general. Like people have said before, what group of people DOESN’T like tshirts? I agree that American Apparel and Threadless are like THE white tshirt companies, but all groups have their own favorite types.

Other things white people like:
– Glasses. Everyone who got contacts in middle/high school so they wouldn’t “look like a dork” has now gone back to glasses.
– Petitions. Along the same lines as recycling – people like to think they’re doing good without too much work.

For authenticity, nothing beats an Asian T with wretched English. Especially if you’ve brought it back yourself.

Lower-class whites with less travel money can bring home a pirated US cartoon character on a shirt from the Caribbean, and for a real thrill, wear it while going through customs. (They won’t confiscate it off your back; but a bagful brought home to sell will be destroyed.) Calvin (Hobbes, not Klein) is the best– no legal Calvin & Hobbes shirts were ever made, so if you see one you can be sure it’s pirate.

THANK YOU. I’ve been living in Canada for 15 years, and most of my strictly-functional tees are no-logo, a little baggy and made of cotton. I finally understand why I stand out. I’m still not giving American Apparel any money though.

Got me again. I’m really going to have to send a letter to the KKK. Last year for my husbands birthday, I printed on three shirts for American Ap. They were quite tight and said, “I listen to National Public Radio”. He loves them and he looks really sexified.

Some of those models at American Apparel look awfully young. Something doesn’t seem quite right about their disposition….at least some of them….and the way they are being asked to pose. I think there’s some sick shit going on there, and they are playing to a twisted and perverted audience and desensitizing a more innocent and wider audience. One would think that I’m not the only one who has noticed this as disturbing. It reminds me, eerily, of the movie Trade. Wouldn’t that be so typical? American Apparel has intelligence backing and connections and this model photo-op campaign has immunity because it is a psyops. Human Trafficking in your faces you vacuous white liberals.

358 – total.
Have you noticed how some of the people who’ve sent in their photos to threadless.com look eerily like those vulnerable doe-eyed kids from the AA ads? Ewww, kids have internalized that shit now.

soc.nerd in post 231 hits the nail on the head. This site isn’t so much “Stuff White People Like” as it is “Stuff Relatively Affluent White Liberals (and their friends) Like.” We shouldn’t gloss over the class divide that is implied by most of the stuff on this list.

The exception to this entry is fat white guys (a group I belong too) don’t get it on this trend, as much as we’d like to. They didn’t make xxx-l t-shirts in the 70s. We’re pretty much excluded from the entire vintage scene, cause those clothes are all too small. This physical disadvantage has had the pleasant side effect of preventing me from becoming a hipster douchebag. Oh, that’s an interesting conundrum for white people…is it better to be ironic or authentic? I’ll be pondering that all day.

Ok, this is the first time I have ever seen this so I know I am way late but as a white person it is hilarious. Being that it is the first time I have seen it though, I would love to know who is writing it and where he/she is from because I do have a complaint. It could be because I have no idea what a hipster is and I think that is who these blogs are about, but I live in PA and this blog is mostly incorrect. A growing number of black (yes where I am from only PC white people say African American) people are following these same rules. The whole not liking company logos is wrong also because they go crazy for anything American Eagle, Aeropostale, and Wet Seal. If you are black or perceive yourself to be “in” with the black community/culture then you shop at stores full of “hip hop” clothes comprised of loud colors, crazy designs, and apparently after visiting the mall yesterday warner bros. cartoon characters. These stores are chinese owned which is what happens in a lot of neighborhoods in bigger cities like Philly. Anyway now that I have found this I will have to read it to catch up on what we like and loving how unlike me it is. I do have an idea for a new one though. Try one on how white people act when they date someone of another race. Or what about the whole “I have a black friend” comment. That would be GREAT!!! Thanks for the chuckles.

I used to be white but I got a pigmentation transplant. Damn it’s great to be living in the 21st century! My organic cotton t-shirts are now on consignment at a la-dee-dah vintage store. The owner says I’ll get big bucks for them.

The jab against American Apparel is somewhat unfair. The company’s philosophy is fair labor. The owner used to (he sold the company for $220 million) pride himself on paying a fair wage in downtown LA. When the company started, in the early 90s, a fair wage was $7 an hour. That”s slave labor given LA’s current cost of living.

Still, yes, it’s hard to accept American Apparel. A bit too expensive. I prefer to buy my t-shirts at Albert Cuyp Markt in Amsterdam. About 5 Euro for the best looking t-shirts anywhere.

haha! I did this at work the other day! A coworker asked me where I got my tshirt (it’s vintage, thread bare, and the orignal picture and writing is so broken up it’s hard to read). I told her the back story, my mom got in yosemite when she was pregnant with my sister. TOP THAT! haha

kgirl may have brown skin, but she’s white, otherwise, and proves Portkey wrong. White is not about genetics…it’s a state of mind…and kgirl has been fully indoctrinated. At least Portkey knows what he is…..kgirl is clueless as to her identity…she will do anything and say anything just to fit in….which just so happens to be one of the underlying points of this blog.

The Wire sucks and I’m convinced the reason people like it so much is because you have to like it to socially “fit in.” The Wire has successfully leveraged Viral Meme Marketing to increase viewership and create an unwarranted cult following. I’m also convinced that you could replace The Wire with a steaming pile of shit, and people would learn to like it equally as well, if it meant “fitting in.”

Threadless sucks!!! Stopped buying from them once all these white “preppy-indie-peace on earth-oh wait, i hate you-fall out boy is sooooooo punk” kids started to brag about em threadless tees. Arggggghhhhhhh!!! damn u whiteys!!!

dear white people: http://www.alternativeapparel.com when you are ready to move past american apparel. they are are not cool anymore because every one wears them. also, white women should not wear american apparel because they the owner is a dirtbag who has been in court numerous times for sexual harassment in the workplace. white women hate guys like that. unless its their boyfriend.
but yes, this was a good post. people who think that this one is reaching a bit too much, they aren’t the right kind of white people.

how horrible the state of t-shirt. in a world ran by boring alternate alternative shops that sell the t-shirt for freaking 30 bux. whats sad is it seems like you can’t get a shirt for under 15 bux. tshirts are the new cool, it is after all a piece of fabric with some irrelevant design that shakes the foundation. not too long ago, a vintage shirt meant being purchased from a flea market.
don’t be fooled. toilet paper has more value.

The only time strange white people come up to me and talk is when they spot one of awesome t-shirts. Adam Levine of Maroon 5 came up to me and asked me about my vintage Flinstones t-shirt. You don’t get much whiter than Adam Levine! Or maybe he was just trying to get a better look at my chest.

Thx for the funnies. Now I must stop wasting time on my yuppy laptop and climb into bed next to my cat and what used to be a good ‘ole white farm boy, but who is now sweet yuppie white person conformist.

Really a T-shirt is a type of garment that is generally casual in nature. They can be worn under a suit as well, which is, of course, a personal preference. But it is difficult to find the T-shirts that fits our need.

Some white people don’t like to buy American Apparel T-shirts because they are a ‘bad’ company – that is, tehy have exactly the same business practices as everyone else, but some blogger has written an expose about them that got emailed around.

Also, in Australia, wearing an American-made T-shirt is worse than wearing one made in a sweatshop in Asia. This is for two reasons. 1) CULTURAL IMPERIALISTS!!!!!!11!!! 2) We cannot take pride in wearing Australian made T-shirts, since cotton is a water-intensive crop, and we don’t have so much water. So Australian cotton is EVIL, and will get you snubbed in the best circles. We are therefore required to buy T-shirts made in an evil way somewhere else.

TRUE – I once wore a shirt so cool, that some dude asked if he could take a picture of it so he could send it to his friend. Now thats a cool shirt, and it wasnt thin or vintage or from that awful American Apparel store. It was black, and bought on the internet, where all real men do their shopping.

Granted, I’m only half white but this T-Shirt thing is more like “things white yuppies like”. Growing up white, for me and my friends, was all about the rock t-shirt, bought straight form the band at their rock festival merch table , or at a show. Not really acceptable if you scored it off the Internet. Another thing, we lower class whites despise Abercrombie and Finch and American Apparel is run by a sexist ass. But other than that, spot on I say.

Oh, and we fellow rock t-shirt people, we bond immediately with those who wear similar white people rock t-shirts.

So this explains why people would sometimes see a particular t-shirt on me and ask me where I got it. Sometimes at a supermarket, and especially around at college. Even though I am very much a ‘white person’ apparently I am ignorant of my own culture, as I would respond with confusion: “Ummmmm… I’m not sure. I don’t really remember…” and then continue with something like “I think my parents got it for me a while back…” or “my in-laws bought this one for me as a joke…” (that was the one that said “Kiss me, I’m Irish.” along with a bunch of other ‘commonly used’ pickup lines under it. The irony that my in-laws got it for me was sometimes missed…) or “I really don’t know, sorry”. Usually it would end up in a nod and/or a smile or, an “oh…” and then that was it. I often wondered, afterwards, if I should ever wear that shirt again. Maybe it was, in fact, proof that I should wear it?

I never realised until today that this was actually part of an intricate culture, and perhaps a new version of “talking about the weather” to start conversations. I just thought they honestly liked the shirt, and wanted me to know it or to know where they could get one like it. I’d often feel badly for them when I could not tell them where… since they really seemed to want one pretty badly.

So I guess if I wrote an article or comment about how some other ethnic groups base their “street cred” on what sports jersey they are wearing, or how about that inch-wide gold necklace with all the ‘bling’ hanging off of it, that would be considered inappropriate?

I get the irony, blah, blah, blah, but why is it ok to poke fun at “white people” and not any other ethnicity? Double standard, hmmm? True you can’t compare what Don Imus got fired for to a hip-blog such as this, but come on, is this where we are going to stay “stuck” as a society?

I disagree. It’s absolutely OK to poke fun of everybody and anybody, regardless of race, gender or religion, sexual orientation, age, et cetera. I mean, who is above ridicule? No one. As long as one isn’t being intentionally vicious or hateful, one almost has a social responsibility to point out society’s foibles (EVEN if it isn’t your society).
Anyhow I post because I have a problem. I have this t-shirt. On one hand it was acquired on a journey to a third world country; on the back is emblazoned the logo of that nation’s national beer (“….that you can’t get here my friends. It was so cheap too we paid, like $0.10 a bottle at this awesome bar where we met this old guy that told us stories from the revolution….”). I mean this shirt screams authenticity. Primo street cred right? There’s even a wacky story surrounding how I got the shirt. The catch is that it’s made from thick coarse cotton, and fits like a sack. What’s a white person to do?

tuuktuu — C’mon, man. Everyone knows authentic T-shirts from Third World Countries will get you nowhere. You have to go to Urban Outfitter, see if you can find a decent replica of your authentic T-shirt, and wear that.

If that fails, stick your shirt in the washer to see how far it will shrink, and add lots and lots of fabric softener.

As a right-wing white guy who is always right, I would never wear a pure white T-shirt, or white sox, for that matter, without sporting colored underwear just for contrast.

My wife, who does the laundry and is dark-skinned through no fault of her own, always adds bleach to my white T-shirts as if they wouldn’t be white enough without adding a little chemical treatment for purification. I must admit that without the bleach they do tend to look a smite stained and discolored. That’s why I swore off white underwear forever.

On a more serious note though, I recently starred in a home video of a Men’s Fashion Show featuring the latest fashions in T-shirt apparel. If anyone wants to view it, let me know, and I will post a special viewing of it on my movie website just for T-shirt afficiondados or faddists like you and I.

I believe that it is acceptable to wear a professional sports team’s shirt if you buy it for less than $5.00 outside the stadium complex from a street vendor, the colors are slightly off, it’s made in a now-defunct middle European country, and it flowerpots after the first wash (when width exceeds length by a factor of nlt 1.5).

Steve and Barry’s clothing store has hundreds of “new” vintage logo’d shirts,,and cause they all cost $8.88 us white people go crazy and have to buy every logo and color possible,,,and cause of the poor quality and material used,,after one washing they do look like they are from the 70’s,,,
The post popular are original cereal logos,,and I have to admit,,I have a green T with The Lucky Charms guy on it,,

(1) I have a graduate degree.
(2) I have gay friends. (Over half of the people at my workplace are gay. Just a coincidence.)
(3) I have minority friends. (Again, half my friends.)
(4) I constantly wear outdoor clothing.
(5) I own several “vintage” t-shirts from Goodwill.
(6) I listen to NPR.
(7) I write a blog and write comments on others’ blogs to “spark” debate of controversial subjects, such as racism and homophobia, at a safe distance without worrying about being labeled as “racist” or “homophobic”, or for congradulating myself for being enlightened and “not racist”. Again, validating (another white word) that we still have a long way to go to understanding each other.

I’m sure the list of similarities will continue . . .

I think part of the point of this blog is to bring stereotypes to a focal point. It’s controversial and funny as hell. People will get pissed off and comment–that’s part of the point.

To Cowgirl Betty: You are one of the Darwinian loser Whites that has no kids and likely won’t reproduce. Or you’ll reproduce with non-whites and Darwin will be right again. Likely you’ve had an abortion and again (ahem Darwin loser). You just seem on all counts to be a lost soul, lost in a shallow world. Wake up. If I was your father, I’d be ashamed. Your entire lifestyle choices lead you to LOSE in the natural selection game. LOSER.

My most prized tshirt is a vintage, threadbare Tshirt with a peace sign american flag. It was left in the closet of a house I was living in by an authentic draft dodger of the Vietnam War. I am soooo white-and wearing green today.

yeah, i’m white and i hate assholes that wear these types of t-shirts… especially the ones from americal apparel. and the assholes who are in a competition with each other to see who can wear the tightest jeans. makes me sick to my stomach. these assholes pay extra to look like shit.

but yunno.. while we’re on the subject of clothing, i do have to say… one thing i never understood about black people, mostly guys, is those super long to the knees t-shirts… wtf is up with that? can anyone elaborate? i mean.. i guess you could be trying to keep your legs warm but 9 times out of 10, i see these guys wearing 11 layers of clothing in the middle of summer so.. i’m guessing that’s not what it is.

“it is loved by the wrong kind of white people” HAHA i can’t stop laughing!!!!! this is the best blog… accept the one about obama… that is gross and well, unacceptable. He is the wrong kind of black people. ughhhhhh, shudder shudder, sigh

This stuff is great, the writer must have a BA or even a PhD from a top university in sociology. The writer seems to be having trouble finding his own authenticity as much of the writing is how to gain white people’s trust so you can get ahead. Also, It’s probably the hippest website out there. “How to get free stuff from Whitepeople” – so much intellectual analysis going on. Most of the stuff written is about Generation X. I love the way everyone responding to the posts feel they need to tell everyone else who they are. -” I’m white and I’m just like that”, or “I’m white and some of the stuff is true” – or “I’m half white and I grew up on a military base.” Generation X has always tried to rebel from the suburban masses they felt their upbringing. The writer suffers from the same Generation X angst he analyses. Years of trying to define himself through self analysis as he tries to navigate through the professional white world. He probably gave up a Sociology teaching job to do this. Very cool. Very Ironic. How can you not love it. The writer loves the irony and hanging out with white people, but hates himself for it. The only thing I can take from it is a laugh and the warning signs of an unauthentic person trying to get something off me for free. Good stuff. It reads like a spy manual. We also love conspiracy theories – has that been mentioned?

LOL! From one admittedly very white guy, I must say this blog is great!

One thing… If you are describing more than two items, you shouldn’t refer to any of them as ‘latter’. If you mean to refer to the last item of such a series, you may use ‘lattest’. But you’ll come off sounding awfully white.

OK. Now I’m totally lost. I thought when I first started reading this website that I was “white.” Now I realize that I am not.

To me, a T-shirt is just a T-shirt. And frankly, I don’t give a damn about my clothes. I wear a suit to work because I have to. I wear pajamas and a T-shirt at home because its comfortable. When I go out, I wear whatever happens to be in my closet.

This site isn’t about me. It’s about people who care about all the wrong things in life. It’s about people I don’t have much respect for. It’s about people who are shallow and trivial. It’s about people who care more about what’s fashionable than about what’s right and wrong.

I can see why the author of this site is making fun at these so-called “white people.” They deserve to be ridiculed. They look down their nose at the rest of us and think they’re superior.

My aunt moved to Manhattan and became one of these “white people.” She was insufferable. We took her to Disneyland and she never stopped talking about how New York comedy shows were so much more sophisticated than Country Bear Jamboree. In the “white” phase of her life, my aunt had two divorces and an abortion. Then she wised up.

My aunt is now a Christian and a conservative and she finds our liberal relatives unbearable. She went to my liberal great-aunt’s house at Thanksgiving in 2004, a few weeks after John Kerry lost the election. My liberal great-aunt led the family in prayer to God to forgive America for re-electing George Bush.

other acceptable white people T shirts. Shirts that indicate you belong or are associated with an organization (charity or non for profit) or specific occupation (military service, police or fire)*. These t shirts act as personable billboards that advertise that the white person is contributing to society or are employed in a service that functions for your benefit and safety.

I am a firefighter so here are the inside scoop on the rules. 1. 1. Firefighters will wear almost anything with a maltese cross.
2. At least seventy five percent of the t shirts i your wardrobe must be fire department or organization related.
3. FDNY shirts are the most coveted but one from an actual department in New York is the most prized.

*note, it is considered blasphemy for anyone not associated with these organizations to wear one of these shirts. It is considered a personal insult to people in these organizations and you will be branded a poseur.

this post is brilliant. and so damn true. i’m guilty of the american apparel and threadless shirts, as well as the vintage shirts from buffalo exchange. is this blog written in san francisco? all these posts describe the quintessential san francisco white people (i should know). thanks for the entertainment at work.

I think that the stiff cheap white cotton tshirts (in the unacceptable category) can become acceptable if it relates to the posts about study abroad and travel. I’m not entirely sure, but I believe a lot of people quickly buy the shirt representing their host university when they do a study abroad, whether it be for 1 year or a 1 week program.
-Ah, I see you have a University of Osnabruck tshirt.
-Yes yes, I studied German literature there for….some time…
-Did you enjoy the beer?
-Of course, my favorite was Wermachtschlamptenstein, have you tried it?
-Ja ja naturlich
-Oh sie sprechen deutsch?
-Well only a little, I ‘lived’ in Weimar when I was younger.
-I would love to get a villa there some day.
-Hmm..yess….

and so on, it all ties together. I own a Universytet Jagielonski shirt from Poland. I’ve never attended school there, but of course I can always make something up.

142: …so, now you know what it feels like… And I hate to disappoint you, as you are obviously VERY proud of being white, but no, minorities in this country DO NOT secretly wish they were white. Sit around the dinner table with almost any “African-American” family (especially if more than two generations are present), and you will be in no doubt of this fact. We are very happy that we are not AND that your ancestors have created a society in which it is generally accepted for us to be vocal about exactly why–and make tons of money doing it (eg: Dave Chappelle’s entire career). The past 100 years of American history is positively shameful, and that’s 30 odd years AFTER emancipation. So if this is the most offensive website you could find, I’m sure its originator (and most minorities, for that matter) have more than “let it go.” Now, if you knew anything about history, you’d know that living today are thousands of people that have every right to still be quite irate. It is quite obvious that you are a young person, because what’s ancient history to you, is a huge percentage of this country’s childhood.

You’re whimpering because someone decided to poke fun at white people paying $98 for a t-shirt? This website was obviously created with a lot of love, taking into account what could’ve been said….and wasn’t.

But, I’m sure it makes you feel better thinking that all minorities secretly want to be you. This leaves me in no doubt of your whiteness. It’s so cute that you’re clearly an elitist, and got all grumpy because someone decided to break your world down into a series of comical blogs for no more than their own amusement. You can think that I responded to your post because I, too, am obsessed with white people if it makes you feel better. I’ll even go back and misspell a few words so you still feel like the smarter species, okay?

And 148: I’m glad you got the point without throwing a tantrum. This is obviously no more than Americans making fun of American pop culture. As a matter of fact, it’s done in such a fun, light-hearted way, that I’m not entirely certain that it wasn’t created by white people, themselves. I got the link to this site in a Myspace bulletin from MY WHITE FRIEND. I’m sure she laughed harder than I did.

Commenter 7 & 10 really want someone to come along and excerpt their comment into an article about this blog. They think they are really clever white people. Commenter 10 especially… and I’m sure there are more, but I stopped reading the comments.

But anyway, I went to St. Mary’s College of Maryland & this along with almost every other stereotype fit all the kids there. Please go & do a short documentary of them for this blog. It would be too funny. I promise that 50% of them come in straight & turn out at least bi!!!!

Commenter 7 & 10 really want someone to come along and excerpt their comment into an article about this blog. They think they are really clever white people. Commenter 10 especially… and I’m sure there are more, but I stopped reading the comments.

But anyway, I went to St. Mary’s College of Maryland & this along with almost every other stereotype fit all the kids there. Please go & do a short documentary of them for this blog. It would be too funny. I promise that 50% of them come in straight & turn out at least bi!!!!

Very good blog, and I would only like to clarify one point. White people are not looking for ‘authenticity’ but credibility, which they try to gain through the appearance of authenticity. “Presentation is everything’ and ‘perception is reality’ are the mottos. This is why we are beginning to hear news stories focusing on the presidential candidates hair styles – who has the best.

I’m a chick so I’m allowed and encouraged to wear tight shirts, but what the fuck is it with white boys wearing those shirts where when they raise their arm you can see their bellybuttons and it looks like the circulation to their arms is being cut off? Oh yeah did he mention that they also have the names of horrible “hipster” bands on them like “The Flaming Lips?”

I’m glad they wear those shirts though because it’s like a giant billboard for me saying, “Do NOT date me,” but I don’t have to worry about them anyway because these are the same guys who are too awkward and pussy to make moves on a chick.

I see them all the time coming out of bars in my neighborhood that you know they drove at least half an hour from the county to get to. They love to all huddle outside in the cold now that you can’t smoke in bars, showing off their T-shirts and beards and smoking fucking Camels or Marlboros (which I think he touched on in another post) and talking REALLY loudly because they are all drunk as shit and they think they got some clever shit to say when in reality they’re just blocking the entire sidewalk so I can’t walk my dog.

haha Whole Foods…it’s so painful to walk in there. Someone is making so much goddamned fucking money.

There was this guy I used to work with, a total poser by the way who would always wear this dirty pale green t-shirt that stated “V is for Vegetarian” on it. Every time I saw him with it on I wanted to punch him in the face.

Haha! You forgot about the vintage concert t-shirt… Supersonically cool if you wear the vintage Yes t-shirt from the 70s (when they looked HOT in those pants) to the Yes reunion tour in 2006 (‘OMG they’re wearing those PANTS!! I’m BLIND!!’)… Even cooler if you have some vintage weed in the pocket of your vintage jeans…

I kind of relate to this…. I bought a Ben Folds shirt at a concert for about $35, but the only reason why I don’t wear it is because I’m pretty tall, and I’m not a big fan for showing my mid-drift.

On a different note, I own about 40 shirts/sweatshirts from Threadless. I guess when referring to t-shirts, that makes me as white as they come?

They really are conversational pieces. I’ve seen people in elevators wearing Threadless shirts, and we’ve had those awkward elevator conversations about how great Threadless is/how they were better back in the day. Hahaha.

Oh. I also have so many of those Threadless sticker sheets that I hand them out to people like they were business cards.

People world wide are finding that they love to express their pride in their culture on a t-shirt than a stupid quote that means nothing . Here is a site that’s getting a lot of international attention.http://www.culturallycool.com

Greg Beato | April 2008 Print Edition
On April 29 a grassroots army of teenaged billboards, provocatively packaged in combed cotton agitprop, will be deployed across the land. Their goal? Raise consciousness, spark discussion, and, if all goes according to plan, get thrown out of class. The occasion is the sixth annual National Pro-Life T-Shirt Day.

“When school administrators harass students, tell them they can’t wear the shirt, it raises awareness,” says Erik Whittington, director of Rock for Life, the group that organizes the event. “The media gets ahold of it. The word gets out. The more people who hear the phrase on the shirt, the more we educate people.”

This year, Whittington says his organization has big plans. To promote Pro-Life T-Shirt Day, they’re creating a Rock for Life website where the young pronatalist participants can network with each other. It’ll be like MySpace or Facebook, except that instead of connecting over a common interest in drunken snapshots and copyright infringement, the teens will bond via a shared passion for fetuses. Even with such Web 2.0 accessorizing, however, the key to the event’s potency remains the all-powerful T-shirt. “It has abortion in big letters,” says Whittington of this year’s model. “Then we have three graphics side by side. The first two are images of small children in the womb at early stages. The third image is blank. Under those images, it reads, Growing. Growing. Gone.”

Considering all the incendiary polemics that characterize both sides of the abortion divide, this rhetorical dinger is fairly benign. Yet some kind of escalatory alchemy occurs when free speech is wedded to casual wear; the mildly provocative becomes untenable, the sophomoric too obscene to bear. Compared to sexier media devices like, say, the iPhone, T-shirts are pretty clunky. Their storage capacity is limited. They’re not Bluetooth-enabled. And yet they boast a sense of intimacy and authority few other content delivery systems can match. They come, after all, with a living, breathing byline attached. They’re far more mobile than other forms of meat-space spam, such as billboards and posters; they literally get in your face.

In January of this year, several visitors wearing T-shirts emblazoned with various impeach-Bush-and-Cheney messages claimed that security guards at the National Archives Building—the place where the original version of the First Amendment now resides—barred them from the premises. In 1991, in the wake of the Gulf War, the Kuwaiti government sentenced one man to 15 years in jail simply for wearing a Saddam Hussein T-shirt. Today in the United States, we’re far more enlightened: Selling a T-shirt inscribed with the names of military personnel who died in Iraq will only get you a maximum sentence of one year in Louisiana and Oklahoma.

Are you against sodomy or breast cancer? In favor of “hot moms” or John Edwards? In 2007 each of these convictions got at least one high school student kicked out of class. In Wisconsin, Edgerton High School enforces a zero tolerance policy against Insane Clown Posse T-shirts. In Aurora, Illinois, all it takes to earn a trip to the principal’s office is a T-shirt with a large dollar sign on it.

How did endorsing capitalism or B-list presidential candidates become so controversial? In the 1980s and ’90s, hoping to crack down on intracurricular violence and crime, a growing number of schools resorted to the sartorial communism of dress codes and uniforms. As President Bill Clinton put it in 1996, “If it means that teenagers will stop killing each other over designer jackets, then our public schools should be able to require their students to wear school uniforms.” In the wake of the 1999 Columbine High School massacre, message T-shirts and any other style of dress that undermined the notion that high school students were the new maximum-security inmates fell under suspicion. In the wake of 9/11—Columbine for adults—this attitude spilled over into our malls, airports, and presidential town hall meetings.

It’s not just high school massacres and terrorist attacks that have left us so intolerant of our fellow citizens’ chests. During the last decade, pretty much every major media innovation—Fox News, Google, Napster, iTunes, Digg—has involved filtering information more precisely, giving us more and more control over the data we ingest. But that uncompromising raw-foods zealot at the organic farmer’s market whose shirt reads “Chewing is murder”? Or the perky fetus hugger who wants you to know that “Mean abortionists suck”? Steve Jobs hasn’t figured out a way to delete them from your life yet.

“If people don’t want to listen to you, what makes you think they want to hear from your sweater?” the satirist Fran Lebowitz quipped in her 1978 essay collection Metropolitan Life, published when message T-shirts were enjoying their first wave of cultural ubiquity. What this sentiment doesn’t acknowledge is that it’s exactly because people don’t want to listen to us that the drive-by evangelism of T-shirts is so enduring. Body-borne messages can’t be muted, fast-forwarded, unsubscribed, banished to the “ignore” list, opted out of, or dumped in the recycle bin. Unlike telemarketers or Jehovah’s Witnesses, they don’t invade anyone’s privacy. Their zero-decibel proselytizing is simultaneously low-key and obtrusive, forcing any innocent bystander we share an elevator with to contemplate our thoughts on gun control, illegal immigration, and the availability of low-cost moustache rides.

Instead of avoiding such encounters with the dye-sublimated Other, we should embrace them as a kind of civic spinach: While we may not enjoy them, they’re good for us. In Tinker v. Des Moines, the landmark 1969 case in which the U.S. Supreme Court determined that high school students have a First Amendment right to express political and social opinions in school settings, Justice Abe Fortas observed that “any word spoken, in class, in the lunchroom, or on the campus, that deviates from the views of another person may start an argument or cause a disturbance. But our Constitution says that we must take this risk; and our history says that it is this sort of hazardous freedom—this kind of openness—that is the basis of our national strength and of the independence and vigor of Americans who grow up and live in this relatively permissive, often disputatious society.”

In the late 1990s era of no-logo vogue, cultural commentators fretted that the once-democratic medium of the T-shirt had been co-opted by corporations, and that T-shirt buyers were concerned only with raising the planet’s Hilfiger consciousness and saving the FUBUs. “The slogans on contemporary T-shirts are increasingly meaningless,” the novelist and columnist Russell Smith observed in The Globe and Mail in 2000. “Most of them are simply the brand name of the T-shirt itself.”

Now that our T-shirts are so blithely outspoken—and deliberately offensive—on every issue from Medicare to Britney Spears, it sometimes seems as if we’d like to ban our way back to a more sartorially decorous era. Ultimately, however, the T-shirt skirmishes that continuously erupt are oddly reassuring. Can the public schools be as out of control as they’re often alleged to be if all it takes to get suspended from one is an “I ♥ My Wiener” shirt? Has our public sphere grown as hopelessly coarse as our loudest cultural scrub maids insist if a shirt featuring a faux fishing theme and the phrase “Master Baiter” is enough to make Southwest Airlines ground you?

Shouldn’t we take comfort in the fact that so many high school students are ready to fight for their right to champion the unborn, maternal hotties, and whatever else they can think of to test the limits of Tinker v. Des Moines? T-shirts may intrude upon our lives in the public sphere, but they’re also our most vivid reminder that free speech is woven into the fabric of our culture.

“Liberals and respectable conservatives say there is this RACE problem. Everybody says this RACE problem will be solved when the third world pours into EVERY white country and ONLY into white countries.”

“The Netherlands and Belgium are more crowded than Japan or Taiwan, but nobody says Japan or Taiwan will solve this RACE problem by bringing in millions of third worlders and quote assimilating unquote with them.”

“Everybody says the final solution to this RACE problem is for EVERY white country and ONLY white countries to “assimilate,” i.e., intermarry, with all those non-whites.”

“What if I said there was this RACE problem and this RACE problem would be solved only if hundreds of millions of non-blacks were brought into EVERY black country and ONLY into black countries?”

“How long would it take anyone to realize I’m not talking about a RACE problem. I am talking about the final solution to the BLACK problem?”

“And how long would it take any sane black man to notice this and what kind of psycho black man wouldn’t object to this?”

“But if I tell that obvious truth about the ongoing program of genocide against my race, the white race, Liberals and respectable conservatives agree that I am a naziwhowantstokillsixmillionjews.”

I referred to myself in a previous column as a “Lifelong Democrat”. For the most part that is accurate, but the truth is when I was in the military decades ago I voted for Ronald Regan. I do have a very good, however selfish excuse though. He was touting the development of a six hundred ship Navy and promising a very large pay raise. Regan made good on his promise. I never told anyone I voted for him and frankly it still makes me uncomfortable. But hey, I needed the money.

It is interesting that in my reflecting on that part of my life there was another striking ambiguity with regard to race. But first let me begin by sharing that I began my “unofficial” undergraduate studies on “race” began while attending two predominantly White Catholic Schools growing up. In my nearly exclusively Black neighborhood we referred to people only as Black or White and we had a single derogatory word that we used in reference to each race. I’m guessing I would have been in about fourth of fifth grade when I began to learn that there were actually many other ethnically specific derogatory tags. There were numerous ethnicities represented in my schools. Italians, Irishmen, Poles, Hispanics, Germans and a number of other eastern and central Europeans. Along with a few Blacks. All I will say further about this is that in Catholic School I learned an equal measure about both the godly and the ungodly.

In earned my “unofficial” graduate credential on “race” in our United States Navy. I have to say that it was an absolutely bizarre blessing. Not only were all of the aforementioned ethnic groups again represented they were my friends and brethren in a trail mix of Americana that I still periodically reflect upon and savor. I spent twenty years and twenty minutes in the Navy and I was fortunate to spend the first half of my career as an enlisted guy. As a young sailor I lived in a world where the sanctity and pride in the team or unit transcended all else. Make no mistake, the things we said among “just us” were light years beyond today’s universe of propriety. We casually used ethnically specific words and phrases that could only be described as ghastly! So much so, that if I related some of them today it would be shocking and scarcely believable. The interesting thing about this was that then, and today it has never mattered. Except to say that through it all, and experiences beyond, I learned to see the soul of a man. I know this because at sea and in combat, in bar fights and bench clearing brawls and at weddings and funerals, we were always one. For all of the potential faults, these experiences broadened my racial field of vision. My associations of today are appropriately reflective and I am eternally grateful for that.
I have a thorough grasp of the concepts of respect and propriety and the many other important even grave aspects of life. I know something about war first hand. I have many times seen, and I understand both death and danger. I know the difference between words and works. I understand that there can be a “huge” difference between immaturity, ignorance and insensitivity versus racism or hate.

I am fortunate to have never lived in a veritable “ethnic bubble” and I know quite a bit about people. The one common factor is that they are not perfect. I am compelled to make it clear that I do not condone or encourage hurtful or even insensitive “words” between people and I do not allow myself to be verbally victimized. But neither do I habitually or spontaneously leap forth to stand in judgment without invitation or good reason. Why? Because I do not always pretend to know from whence such comments come, nor how they are intended in full content and context. I could not possibly understand what impulses, experiences and thoughts inspire words within another person. More importantly, experience has taught me that words however seemingly insensitive or misguided are not always the measure of the heart and soul within. Things are not always the way they seem.

I have been listening and reading the media pundits about the importance of and the projected outcomes of the forthcoming Pennsylvania Primary Election. I am saddened and embarrassed and even angered by the characterizations of this “blue collar” voting block that is supposedly so closed minded, myopic and rigid. Essentially what is being reported is that they are and will vote (nearly exclusively) for Senator Clinton and attaching a subtle racial subtext. That is a horrible sweeping generalization that is a media abomination. Just one more high tech poison pen letter. I will not elaborate on the many others of late. The influence of media in America continues to cultivate dangerous seeds across a broad spectrum of topics. “There are both benefits and hazards with regard to freedoms of speech and expression.” This point I am making has nothing to do with votes cast or those to be cast. I view this as a good example, given the contest spread at particularly at this late, if not hopeless juncture. Such reporting is a prediction and statement of the very thing we claim to abhor as the question of race has surfaced nationally. They, (the media) are making Pennsylvania out to be America’s intellectual doldrums and a veritable toilet of intolerance. If they are hurting for jobs now, their lovely new reputation certainly won’t draw any new corporations or tourists. This is probably an area of hypersensitivity for me, being from the Great State of Ohio, where the same characterization was made. So I understand better than most of the “talking heads” what they think the tea leaves say. I’m more inclined to believe that these voters were, or will be casting their “Regan Votes” as I did many years ago.

So where are these insane “American” media threads rooted? And why does the working class man or woman in Ohio or Pennsylvania have to be helplessly portrayed as some measure of hayseed, villain or racist because they need jobs. I just wonder if any of the police and firemen or construction workers in Pennsylvania are veterans from my era or later. From what I am hearing reported, as they walk in the shoes of friends, coworkers and team members, they have never had persons of color on their shifts or crews, or working along side them. I wonder if any of them have helped someone or been helped by someone who looks different than in the face of danger or harm. And I just wonder if in their current reality of brotherhood and sisterhood, if in their tradesman and paramilitary cultures, things have become so socially pristine that they have no appreciation of the difference between words and actions.

Should anyone be remotely interested in my assessment of the current race discussion, I will say this first: “A loose tongue is not the same as a barrel of a gun.” So let’s all take a collective deep breath followed by a perspective pill. In my experience it pays to be continually watchful but you generally need not concern yourself with the obnoxious big mouth. Including those on talk radio or the network news. Why in the world would you overlook your positive ethnic experiences (nearly all of us must certainly have them) or devalue your own reasoning in favor of theirs?

My all time favorite quarterbacks are White, Don Meredith and Joe Montana. My all time favorite basketball players are Black, Earl Monroe and Spencer Haywood, and I would never pull for James Blake to beat Rodger Federer in a tennis match. I loved Ozzie Smith (as shortstops go) but being from Cleveland (where this guy began) I think Omar Visquel is… well, God! The point here being, we are just simply the result of our molded experiences and the associated emotional impacts. I had never understood or watched a round of golf in my entire life until Tiger Wood came along. So it took me until my forties to learn what a bogie and a birdie were. This suggests to me that understanding and appreciation, sometimes present themselves when we present ourselves the opportunity to experience them. And so it goes with race.

Sure the race discussion can compel us to squirm and scratch our heads sometimes. But I can tell you something we never have to scratch my heads about. We are all Americans. Yes, there are fools and hopeless intolerants out there, and they too are Americans. Rules are rules! So if you are inclined, when among the reasonably minded, the race discussion can be had. I have been fortunate enough to calmly have it and more than once. Yep me, the guy who decades past, received, and spewed “all of the worst words” like the good sailor I was. Now, clinging to no claim of perfection or political aspiration, I provide this admission without concern or remorse. Why? Because I still get the occasional Christmas card or phone card from some of those “multicolored friends” from a time long ago. Speaking secretively of unspeakable times and places and reminding me that he once covered my butt, or laughing about the memory of the time I covered his. Most importantly, at the end of the day, I now know that it was never about what was said, and neither was it about race. Only opportunity and experiences yielding appreciation and understanding as measured by the ultimate instrument. Lifelong friendships. In the vast world of “race matters” I suggest that this is a very good starting point.

I am seldom reduced to tales from school days, sailor stories or sports analogies. But I believe that in many aspects of life, the impressions we absorb and the marks we make on others are most clearly visible in our “actions” rather than anything else. So let me conclude by sharing a final bit of valued personal guidance that I received from my Grandmother: “If you want to know what a person is made of, don’t watch what they say, watch what they do”.

For me that is germane in both daily life and particularly in politics.

What white people don’t like: Long winded prose in a short, snappy atmosphere. This is a humor blog, not some lofty political or sociological blog wherein the authors sign their name and let us know it’s copyrighted. WTF? I don’t know if anyone has read your “thing” but I sure haven’t. Maybe I’ll try pasting a chapter out of some Durkheim work or something, just to see how funny that would be. Tee hee hee! I’m already snickering to myself. You’re a freelance writer? Jeez, me too. Look, I writing freelance as we speak!

Two things…I completely agree about wearing outdoor clothing and shorts. Here in Portland, Ore and not only do white people love wearing outdoor clothing to say…dinner, grocery store and yes Starbucks, they also love wearing shorts when the weather warms to a sizzling 55 degrees.

I’m sooo freaking white. Just the other day I had on my navy blue Gomez ringer T and had to explaine to someone that I bought it like ten years ago (Before Americans heard of the band) from a scalper in Bristol, England for 5 pounds.

Most American runners, 90-95% of whom are white, never wear a tee shirt from a previous race during a race. It is always an Underarmor shirt or other expensive workout shirt. I was always one of the only whites who would wear shirts won at old races and would be self conscious. Another thing I have noticed that the proper style is to let the shirt hang out of your shorts (probably for good reason–ventilation). Again, being an old basketball player I didn’t fit in because I liked to tuck my tee shirts into my shorts. I was a true privileged white renegade and was therefore untrusted by most of my runner comrades.

i guess band shirts would fit under new shirts, though i really think they’re actually a fourth category on their own. there is a whole subset of rules for determining who scores the most scene points for their band shirt at a show. as an added bonus, there is also a built-in heirarchy based on how popular the band is, when they (invariably) sold out, and when in a particular band’s career the shirt was purchased.

A friend of mine always received comments on his choice of headwear (the last thing I remember was a Superman muts).
One day he showed up thinking he had bought something truly authentic. Proud he stood before us showing us his new JIMMY HENDRICK (sic) muts.

Yes, black people do like t-shirts as well. They are usually urban designers such as Southpole, Sean Jean, Rocwear or etc. Also as you stated, the plain white tee, is the thug’s choice garment. They also have to be very long and baggy.

Everybody loves t-shirts. It doesn’t matter what color you are.
White people seem to wear them almost all of the time. Though I wouldn’t say it’s just a white thing. How many t-shirts do you own?
I sell all kinds of t-shirts yet the American Indian Homeland Security t-shirts sells are 7 out of every 10 t-shirts sold everyday.
They have become so popular that I now sell them in local stores. White people love them and even Bill Cosby wears one.http://www.culturallycool.com/naindex.html

wow are you serious?? this is almost like saying white people like to wear clothes…..am i on crazy pills?everyone wears t-shirts you dipshit!!! you can tell how rich white people are by the brand of t-shirt they wear. Obviously if the shirt is ralph Lauren they are a little classier that a white trash redneck who will wear a hanes with a gut commin out ….but seriously rethink your white people catergories!!

THE REBEL FLAG
IN State College Pa They have a WEIS MARKET on Easterly parkway that has an employee who drives a rebel flag coated car and they say that it is ok because he is white and a nice guy. I mean rebel flags everywhere on his car. This person told me that if you are offended by it talk to the managers.

It does not effect how I do my job he said. That is why this country is so messed up. They allow this to happen.

Uh…yeah. This one is totally true. The fact that the vast majority of black people do not wear the horrible thick cotton, oversized tee-shirts is definitive proof that black people are cooler than white people. (Once you just admit this to yourself, as I have, you will feel a sense of wind at your back and the ability to get on with your life.)

The other proof is that black people don’t speedwalk for exercise. And if they did they would not wear those short silk shorts while doing it, like I saw some white guy do in DC a couple years ago. [shudder]

this is so crazy.not all blacks like wearing thick cotton tees.and not all whites like wearing vintage.you just say that because they ones you see in your regonal space wear that.so stop putting clothes to color catagories if you know what i mean

Well I’d rather have three classes of shirts to chose from than
1. super long baggy with deceased rap star or current rap star
2. purple/pink/red/yellow that must match flawlessless with purple/pink/red/yellow super baggy and long velour track pants hat shoes and chain

An interestingly not mentioned sub-set of the unacceptable t-shirt can be found on extra large white women in Wal-Mart’s, Burger King’s, and discount cigarette stores all around the rural south- the Tweety Bird/Tazmanian Devil t-shirt. A codicle of white law prohibits these extra large white women from wearing bras with these shirts, and also gives bonus points for wearing some form of pants with a word or words printed across the behind, such as “BABY DOLL” or “PRINCESS.”

what catagory do the mid 90’s weed inspired ones go into? since white people love weed, and t-shirts even though the 90’s werent long enough ago to be cool, an old stained pot leaf shirt will get you in with lots of white people.

ever seen the modded addidas logo “addicted” with a weed leaf… damn that was my favorite when i was too young to wear it.

I’m trying to remember when white people began to think of tshirts this way. I think it was the early 70s. We could speculate about what in the zeitgeist (a word white people love) made this happen. Before that tshirts were not a complex garment.

I sort of agree I like new shirts that look vintage. Not the kind from walmart but like you go to a beach and go in the real surf shop and buy one of their shirts and go home to say: cloudy ,rainy ,cold pennsylvania and wear a shirt from a beach. that’s also highly prized among whites such as myself. just puttin it out there.

Seriously though, I love how everyone goes apeshit over American Apparel when in reality it’s run by a dirty old hippie who abuses his models and forces them to pose in softcore porn advertisements for organic cotton tights.

I think white people need new trends, and they always have to be better than the old ones, plain and simple. It started with what church/church gossip and since morons feel bad in church now they have new trends. Also, why are all the pictures of guys? Chicks are way more guilty of this crap then men are.

there are two types of white people:
white people that wear unnacceptable t shirts.
and white people that wear vintage/ new t shirts.

the first group is genneraly the kind of white people that are out of touch with the rest of white society. they think funny tshirts and bumper stickers are cool, and they hate the goverment. they also probably have large vauge opinions about everything and are offended easily.

the second group they think are better than other white people and must prove it on a 24/7 basis. they are full of white guilt and use acronyms such as “brb” in everyday speech. they think bumber stickers and funny tshirts are lame.
they also have small vauge opinions.

all white people are teenagers. adults are simply of another ethnicity.

Lately threadless has been letting me down. I’ve only bought one in the last two months. Can we add shirt.woot.com to the list of acceptable white people t-shirt companies? I bought two there this month.

You’ll learn. Like me. I’m white and a practicing Catholic. By belonging to a religion that involves Jesus, I rank as ‘the wrong kind of white person’ as explained in Stuff item #2 (Religions their parents don’t belong to). How dare a white person like me follow a religion thai involved Jesus! Gasp!

Oh my goodness. I am such a white person. I’m the only one in my school who knows of Threadless so I wear my shirts with pride and always feel slightly better than everyone else when people ask me where I got my sweet shirt.

This is so goddamn funny. I definitely do NOT fit into this category of whiteness, as I do not pursue these types of t-shirts nor do I wear tight t-shirts. But my inner whiteness does completely understand the motivations explained in great detail by this article. Funny and absolutely true for certain white people! To put it simply: I know the type of white person being talked about here.

i still have the t-shirt from when i was ten years old and went to space camp, formfitting and worn in the just the right places now, good conversation piece, earns me many points with the right sort of crowd. kudos

haha wow im shocked i LOVE MAD MEN!! and i have 2 last names!! (technically 4) my friends always said i was very white but wow i cant believe it! I thought listening to out dated black music was ok especially since my moms half black and she loved it in high school haha of course she is always on me about grammar (i think i spelled it right) so, there you go!

two things: 1) i own about 15 t shirts from American Apparel, 5 are some variation of grey, another 5 are v-necks and the remaining are heathered 2)goodwill and the salation army my two favorite stores! i love this site, it hits the nail on the head every time…

FB ny @$$, how about LiveJournal? Most of the hipsters are in skype or twitter. If you wanna T-shirt worth buying, go to T-shirt hell (dotcom) they got a site on the internet. It’s for those mature enough to have a childlish sense of humor.+

Ok, monkey see monkey do…and white people don’t think humans descended from monkeys, at least they used to believe non-whites are the “missing link” with the primates.
T-Shirt Hell’s web site is on http://www.tshirthell.com . +

This F—–u” guy has a bad cases of Tourette’s syndrome, or he wouldn’t get on here swearing more than sailors. Being a person diagnosed with autism, anxiety/depression & checked for ADD or OCD symptoms is enough, thank you (directed to, you know, that guy). +

This article is actually quite good. I wrote an essay about this once. It was entitled “On the Semiotics of Slogan T-Shirts.” It covered, among other things, the obligation, upon seeing “your” t-shirt or one very obviously based it on, elsewhere – worn by someone else, in a shop, on TV – to immediately return it to the charity shop from whence it came. Uniqueness is the watchword here. Duplication will render it horribly gauche.

Totally agree. The white people stereotype here is uber funny.
The more expensive the shirt, the better. If you buy a $2 V neck shirt, it in not nearly as good as the $58 V neck shirt. Make no mistake! The shirt should have a logo indicating it was produced by to one of the expensive T-shirt companies. You might as well just leave the price tag on…

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I have a no che shirt, picture of che inside a circle with a slash through it. Very amusing to wear to work in construction. Lots a butt hurt mexicans, peruvians, hondurans, and columbians in my sanctuary rainbow state.

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I’m the owner of a threadbare,holey original 70s T-shirt…that cost me 10 cents…other white people have drooled over it many times and some have offered me significant amounts of cash for it…but I smugly refuse…although I could really do with the cash.
Hilarious the sense of status we gain from some old rag! 🙂

Nice link, but they were not in shirts. they were in sweaters and then you put the mouse over them to see underneath. better than comic book xray specs here is the real link http://slimspickin.blogspot.com/ it was made in france france sure knows how to pick the ladies, some have some weird boobs, but some are shockingly nice

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Your research is thorough and well documented. However, there is still more upscale stuff around white people will thrive on. Take The Flat Head Good Old Days Tee, available at Glory, 4659 Hollywood Blvd. Not only are she t-shirts vintage looking and at the same time holding up to contemporary quality standards; a steal for 95 bucks plus tax. In addition, white people will find an endless array of Fred Perry, Vespa, SchottNYC, Triumph, Lewis Leather (made in England), to name a few. I admit it’s not inexpensive, but since white people have money, and above all, credit, they can indulge in the pleasure of understating themselves a little, always in style.

so I have a question. The answer is irrelevant but then again this is all entertainment anyway…. so here goes!!!! I live near a Hard Rock Hotel and Casino. IT’S SO MUCH FUN!!!! I LOOOOVE their stores…. except for one type of item. So whiteys of the world tell me….. is it acceptable??? Hard Rock stores make band t shirts that LOOK really old skool but they are not and they cost about 70-100 dollars. Some of them are what you would expect like Pink Floyd and the Stones and the Beatles but then they throw you for a loop with WU TANG!!!! (most expensive of all) So if it’s vintage and costs too much and incorporates music that most black people don’t listen to much anymore DO WHITE PEOPLE LIKE IT??? and are they the right kind??? (Your responses will not affect my purchase. I wouldn’t spend like that anyway!)

Well if you are white you have just answered your own question. If you aren’t then the answer is simply no. No because the shirts are faux vintage- remakes and not original shirts, original meaning shirts that someone bought at a concert in the 70s or 80s. What this article failed to include was that the date matters hierarchically as far as the value of the t-shirt, the older the better. And even if these Hard Rock shirts are soft, this is negated by the fact that they cost a lot of money. Like the article states, less money is more value. It would also matter where they are made, and these types of concert shirts are usually not made in the US. Simply put this is probably a shirt considered to be worn by the “wrong types of whites”, comparable to an Ed Hardy. Although the Wu tang shirt might be a toss up as far as irony goes, confusing some whites who might have lost their senses buying the shirt and then actually never wearing it upon the realization that black people might ask them about their interest in Wu Tang. An interesting note is that the only white person caught wearing an authentic Wu Tang concert t-shirt would most likely be wearing a stiff, 100% cotton, worn baggy and down to the knees t-shirt. This is because the actual original Wu Tang concert shirts were made for the actual style of actual non-ironic Wu Tang concert goers, what some whites might consider “the wrong types”. Although it wouldn’t be unheard of for a white to be seen in one of these on Halloween throwing up gang signs, this does not fall within the realm of acceptable white people t-shirts.

I don’t usually comment on this page, but this is probably the most accurate spot on observation of white-icity I’ve seen so far. Being white myself I can tell you that the number one thing white people love is self-deprecation, which is the reason why this web site’s book sales flourish at barnes and nobles nationwide.

I am white.
Most of my casual wear shirts are t-shirts.
I like how you can put any message on your shirt.
I like how you can get away with not wearing a bra when you have a t-shirt on.
I look for well made, durable ones.
I’ve worn them my entire life.

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it’s official: i’m white…of course i would have hoped that by looking at my pale skin i would have known that i was white BEFORE reading this. at last count i have 76 t-shirts. and what’s worse is the thought of getting rid of even one makes me sad.

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