REEFER MADNESS!

Open on INT. A DARKENED OFFICE, possibly even a
crypt-like version of the Nerve Centre. CRYPTKEEPER THARG 
a cadaverous zombie-like version of everyones favourite
Betelgeusian comic editor  sits stiffly at a desk, addressing
us in an old-fashioned public information film kind of way.

THARG

BORAG THUNGG, EARTHLETS. IN MY TIME
ON YOUR WORLD, I HAVE COME TO NOTICE THAT MANY OF YOU
CRAVE A VERY DIFFERENTKIND OF THRILL-POWER
BOOST FROM THE VARIETY I OFFER TO YOU EVERY WEEK
IN THE PAGES OF THE GALAXYS GREATEST
COMIC

PANEL 2

In close on Tharg as he holds something up to
us, holding it carefully between his fingers in a clinical, kind
of way. The Mighty One, with a doobie? It would never happen back
in the good old days of IPC

THARG

I SPEAK, OF COURSE, OF THE
SUBSTANCE KNOWN TO YOU AS DOPE. HEMP. WEED.
BLOW. HASH. MARY-JANE.

(linked)

AMUSING NAMES, IM
SURE, BUT ALL OF THEM REFERRING TO A SUBSTANCE THE
EFFECTS OF WHICH ARE ANYTHING BUT AMUSING.

PANEL 3

In closer on The Mighty Ones rot-ravaged
features as he looks out the page at us in dire warning. [Maybe
do this panel inset to the next one, with Thargs speech
balloons here bleeding over into there.]

THARG

PERHAPS, FOOLISH EARTHLETS, YOU DO
NOT BELIEVE ME? DISCOVER THEN THE TRUTH FOR
YOURSELVES IN A TALE OF HALLUCINOGENIC HORROR WHICH
I, THARG THE EDUCATIONAL, CALL

PANEL 4

Big busy panel, with big loud garish title. We
see LOTS OF FLESH-CRAZED HOPHEAD MANIACS on the loose, chasing
and munching on college jocks, cops and screaming (and, of
course, half-naked) college co-ed girls, cheerleaders etc. Whole
scene looks like the poster image of an old Roger Corman
teen-horror beach-party movie. Co-Ed Kooks Go Drug-Fiend
Schitzo, or something

TITLE CAP .REEFER
MADNESS!

PAGE TWO

PANEL 1

Cut to establishing shot EXT. COLLEGE
FRAT HOUSE  NIGHT. A party in full swing, with light from
every window. Like everything else in this story, theres a
real 1950s Americana look to everything to match the 50s moral
panic/EC Comics vibe to this story, but its not supposed to
be specifically set then.

CAPTION

IT ALL BEGAN INNOCENTLY ENOUGH.
JUST ANOTHER COLLEGE DORM-HOUSE PARTY, JUST ANOTHER
GROUP OF YOUNG PEOPLE ENJOYING THEMSELVES.

CAPTION

BUT LOOK CLOSER, AND SEE THE
EVIDENCE OF THE NARCOTIC NIGHTMARE THAT THESE
INNOCENTS WERE SOON TO FALL INTO

PANEL 2

Cut to INT. A DORM BEDROOM. Bunch of kids
sitting around drinking beer, making out, listening to music etc.
Captions in this panel all point at various things round the
room. These are: Cap 1  a Hendrix/Zappa/Marley/whoever
poster on the wall. Cap 2  the stereo blasting out music.
[Fraze  put a few suitable lyrics in here, if you want].
Cap 3  A CND/yin-yang poster on the wall.

CAPTION 1

IMAGES OF WELL-KNOWN SELF-CONFESSED
HOPHEADS

CAPTION 2

DRUG-INSPIRED ROCK
MUSIC

CAPTION 3

PEACENIK IMAGERY POPULAR AMONGST
DRUG-USING SUBVERSIVES

PANEL 3

On one of the college kids  an older
hippie type [self-portrait, Fraze?]  peaceably offering a
joint to a trio of young, impressionable freshers who are all
wide-eyed and innocent-looking in a real gee gooly
whizz kind of way.

CAPTION

CAN WE THEN BE TRULY SURPRISED,
EARTHLETS, AT WHAT WAS TO HAPPEN NEXT?

HIPPIE

HEY, WANNA HIT OF THIS? REAL
PRIMO STUFF, I PROMISE YOU.

PANEL 4

On one of the kids, taking a big hit on the
joint. His friends watch with nervous excitement.

CAPTION

YES, EARTHLETS, SEE FOR YOURSELF
THE DANGERS OF PEER PRESSURE

PANEL 5

On the kid, looking distinctly queasy and green
around the gills after his first hit on a joint.

CAPTION

SEE FOR YOURSELF HOW THE YOUNG
AND INNOCENT ARE SO EASILY SEDUCED .

KID (ragged)

mmghhmm mmm

CONTINUED/

PANEL 6

In closer. Kid is turning away, hunched up, or
with his hands to his face. Either way, we cant see his
face. Hes shaking uncontrollably as (unknown to the
readers) he goes into the first stages of Reefer Madness
transformation. One of his friends, concerned, lays a comforting
hand on him.

KID (ragged)

mhhhh mhhhhh muhhhhhh muhhh muh

FRIEND

HEY, STEVIE, YOU OKAY..?

CAPTION

SEDUCED INTO THE THRALL OF THE TERRIFYING
DRUG-FUELLED DEMENTIA THAT IS .

PANEL 7

The kid suddenly rears up, TRANSFORMED INTO A
DROOLING, FRESH-CRAZED REEFER MADNESS MANIAC, and sinks his teeth
into the friends throat, ripping it out.

CAPTION

REEFER MADNESS!

KID (jagged)

MUNCHIES!!!

PAGE THREE

PANEL 1

The Reefer Maniac goes in the rampage, tearing
into the next nearest victim. We can see other people in the room
going through a similar near-instantaneous transformation. The
stoner hippie watches all this, joint in hand, too stoned to do
much about it.

MANIAC (jagged)

MUNCHES!
MUST .HAVE .MUNCHIES!

HIPPIE

WOW, BAD DOOBIE REACTION!

PANEL 2

On the hippie, as the drooling still-hungry
Reefer Maniacs close in on him. It finally occurs to the guy that
he might be in trouble here. He holds a bong up to them a sort of
peace offering.

HIPPIE

H-HEY, GUYS WERE ALL
COOL HERE, RIGHT?

PANEL 3

The hippies POV  the circle of
blood-crazed Reefer Maniacs closing in on him.

HIPPIE

GUYS ?

PANEL 4

They fall upon him as one, ripping him to
shreds.

HIPPIE (jagged)

AAAAAAAGH!

MANIACS (together)

MUNCHIES!

PANEL 5

Ominous shot of the glowing-eyed Reefer
Maniacs, hunched over the remains of their kill and gnawing
hungrily on it.

CAPTION

BUT NOT EVEN THIS BLOODY FEAST WAS
ENOUGH TO SATIATE THE UNHOLY APPETITES OF
THESE REEFER-CRAZED MADMEN.

CAPTION

AND SO IT BEGAN, THE HORRIFYING
EVENT THAT WILL FOREVER BE REMEMBERED IN THE SECRET
ANNALS OF THE LAW ENFORCEMENTHISTORY

PANEL 6

Cut to CORRIDOR OUTSIDE, short time later. The
Reefer Maniacs (and, magically, there seem to be more of them
ever time we see them) on the loose and attacking the other
party-goers. Again with the college jocks and screaming half (or
wholly) naked co-eds, Frazer.

CAPTION

NIGHT OF THE CANNIBAL
HOPHEAD MANIACS!

PAGES FOUR & FIVE

PANEL 1

One of the Manaics chasing a nubile co-ed girl
down the stairs towards the front door. For reasons strictly
necessary to the plot, shes either in bra and panties or
has just come out of the shower and is clutching a miniscule
towel around herself.

MANIAC

MUNCHIES!
NEED .MORE .MUNCHIES!

GIRL (jagged)

EEEEEEEEEE!

PANEL 2

Cut to EXT. THE HOUSE. BUNCH OF COPS running
towards the building just as the girl and the Maniac come running
out the front door towards them. The cops are led by a Chief
Wiggum-like POLICE CHIEF. The Police Chief points urgently at the
scene.

CAPTION

THANKFULLY, THE FORCES OF LAW AND
ORDER WERE QUICKLY ON THE SCENE

GIRL

HELP ME! OH GOD, HELP ME..!

CHIEF

HOPHEADS! ONLY ONE WAY TO
DEAL WITH THEIR DEGENERATE KIND

PANEL 3

The cops open fire on command, messily blowing
away both the Maniac and the girl in an indiscriminate hail of
bullets and shotgun blasts.

CHIEF

OPEN FIRE! KILL EM ALL
BEFORE THEY START TO SPORE!

PANEL 4

On one of the Maniacs, running in panic as he
is pursued by a bunch of gun-toting cops, and we cant help
notice that he SEEMS TO BE DISINTEGRATING, turning to dust as he
runs.

CAPTION

SPORE? YES INDEED,
EARTHLETS, FOR THERE IS ONE OTHER VITAL FACT WHICH
THE FOOLISH ADVOCATES OF NARCOTIC LEGALISATION
SOMEHOW ALWAYS FORGET TO MENTION

PANEL 5

Actually a SEQUENCE OF PANELS. Break it up as
you see fit, Frazer. Bullets punch into the Maniac, even as he
seems to disintegrate away into dust. In a matter of seconds,
hes gone, his empty bullet-riddled clothes falling to the
ground as whats left of him drifts away in a cloud of dust.
We GO IN CLOSE on the drifting, dispersing cloud and see it for
what it really is. Not dust. SEED SPORES.

CAPTION

ONE LAST AND VERY FATAL
SIDE-EFFECT OF THIS MOST VILE OF SUBSTANCES

CAPTION

A HORRIFYING TRANSFORMATION,
PERPETUATING THE LIVING CURSE OF THIS DEADLY
PLAGUE!

Again, SEQUENCE OF PANELS. Again, break it up
as you see fit, Frazer. The spores drifting on the wind, some of
them falling to the ground in a forest somewhere. Time passes.
(Maybe vary the weather/seasons here.) Then we see SMALL SHOOTS
pushing through the ground. Next panel  theyre
developing into a familiar-looking plant type. Next panel 
a thriving crop of marijuana plants growing wild in the woods.
LETTERING - and then, from off-panel

VOICE (o/p)

SEE? TOLD YA YOU CAN STILL FIND
SOME OF IT GROWING WILD ROUND HERE!

PANEL 8

On a group of innocent-looking college kids who
have discovered the crop. One of them  older, very similar
to the hippie type from the earlier party scene  has
plucked one of the leaves and is giving it an expert dopehead
analysis, either smelling it or running it expertly between his
fingers.

Cut back to Cryptkeeper Tharg, cackling madly
out the panel at us. Except now hes also Deadhead Tharg,
wearing tye-dye T-shirt and bandanna (or whatever) and giving us
a two-fingered peace sign. (Tempted to give him a big smoking
joint in his other hand, or at least tucked into his headband, or
whatever, but I figure theres probably limits.)

THARG

HEEHEEHEE SO REMEMBER THIS
CAUTIONARY TALE, EARTHLETS, IF YOU SHOULD EVER BE
CONTEMPLATING A NARCOTIC-INDUCED JOURNEY OF INNER
EXPLORATION.

THARG

TAKE MY ADVICE AND JUST SAY NO,
FOR THE OTHER WAY LIES ONLY MADNESS .REEFER MADNESS! I,
THARG THE MORAL GUARDIAN, HAVE SPOKEN.