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The Lawsuit for All the Money in the World… And More

When Anton Purisima was bitten by a dog, he believed someone should have to pay — and pay a lot. The “someone” was a whole bunch of individuals and corporations named in his lawsuit. As for how much they should pay, let’s just say that it’s a lot more than any — or all — of them had in the bank.Purisima sought damages in the amount of two undecillion dollars. That’s one trillion, times one trillion, times one trillion, times two, or 2, followed by 36 zeroes. It is more than all the money currently on planet earth.

Anton Purisima filed his two undecillion dollar lawsuit in April 2014, after his middle finger was allegedly bitten and infected by a “rabies-infected” dog on a city bus.

According to his 133-page complaint, not only was he bitten by the dog, but he also suffered the indignity of having a “Chinese couple” take photos of him without asking. If that weren’t enough, he’s routinely overcharged for coffee at LaGuardia Airport. He also alleges “civil-rights violations, personal injury, discrimination in national origin, retaliation, harassment, fraud, attempted murder, intentional infliction of emotional distress, and conspiracy to defraud.”

He named as defendants Au Bon Pain, Carepoint Health, Hoboken University Medical Center, Kmart Store 7749, St. Luke’s Emergency Dept., New York City Transit Authority, City of New York, NYC MTA, and LaGuardia Airport Administration.

Purisima had previously sued the People’s Republic of China and several major banks including Wells Fargo, JP Morgan and Wachovia.

The amount sought in the lawsuit is beyond substantial. According to this site, if the defense hired a crackerjack legal team to defend them, and the team consisted the collective population of 40 billion planets, each filled with 7 billion attorneys, who each charge $1,800 per hour, all working 80-hour workweeks, 52 weeks each year, for a thousand generations, it would still cost less than having to pay the $2 undecillion judgment that Anton Purisima requested.

Fortunately for the defendants — and for the world’s monetary supply — the judge dismissed the lawsuit, stating, “The Court, after reviewing Plaintiff’s complaint, finds that it lacks any arguable basis in law or in fact. Plaintiff’s factual allegations rise to the level of the irrational, and there is no legal theory on which he may rely.”

Can you imagine how much the new price of a cup of coffee at LaGuardia Airport would be if Purisima had won his case, and the defendants had to raise the money to pay the judgment?