Gosh, have you lost your appetite yet? Sorry. I have a tendency to do that to people.

What I was trying to tell you was, I had a long grocery list of things to pick up after church yesterday, as that’s usually when I pick up what I need to cook during the following week. I had grand plans for many suppers: stews, casseroles, and other savory dinners…but there was only one problem: I’d worn a black suit to church. I’d worn a black suit to church because my muscular, cut, sexy, tan arms have been on vacation for the past 39 years and I’m beginning to think they’re never coming back. They’re over in Brazil, on some tiny Brazilian woman, enjoying their day in the sun.

So. Black suit. Long sleeves. “All Season Wool”, which, in my part of the country, means that if you wear it after July 4th, you’d better carry along a bottle of water, an ice pack and an oxygen tank because you’ll spend all your time sweltering, which is precisely what I did all during church. And after I prayed for muscular, cut, sexy, tan arms, I left church and went to the store, and by that time I couldn’t even THINK about cooking hot, steamy food in a hot, steamy kitchen. Psychologically, emotionally, gastrointestinally, there was only one thing on earth I could think of to eat.

It was this delicious bagel sandwich, piled high with cool, crisp vegetables and plenty of flavorful cheese. I once made it for my mother-in-law, sister-in-law, and our friend, Lindy, when the four of us took it upon ourselves five or so years ago to transform an old cowboy house next to my house into our ranch office. We were scraping and painting and doing all sorts of other things women should never be required to do, and when lunchtime came around I darted across the driveway to my house to make everyone a bite. Marlboro Man was at the farm that week and I had NOTHING in my kitchen—nothing, save for some bagels and a little cheese in my fridge. But I also had veggies in my garden—cucumbers and tomatoes, along with some chives. It was a stifling hot day, so the coolness of the sandwich was just the ticket for us desperate, hungry women. The other three ladies sainted me instantly. It was a real kick!

Okay, I’m done talking now. I’m not going to talk anymore. I have now stopped talking. See? I’m not talking anymore. I am now, instead, going to prepare this (a slightly more storebought) version of the sandwich I made five years ago. So I’m going to have to talk, I guess.

First thing we’re going to do is make the special sauce. Special spread. Special…oh, whatever. It’s special, okay?

Place 1/2 block cream cheese on a plate and mash it a bit with a fork.

We’re just doing this to make it a little more spreadable.

Now grab two or three scallions/green onions and lop off the tops.

Slice up some of the white part…

Then turn it around and slice up some of the green part. How much green onion you use is entirely up to you.

After that, give the onions a quick chop to break up the pieces at bit.

Now just throw the onions on top of the cream cheese…

And mash it together until it’s thoroughly combined. Keep in mind that green onions are pretty dadgum strong. But I like ‘em that way. Just like I like my men. Man. Whatever.

Next, let’s slice all our veggies.

This is one of the first ripe tomatoes I’ve had this year. And it makes me want to write a sonnet.

And next year, people, let me warn you: You are all going to plant at least one tomato plant. You WILL do it—I shall see to it. Because a tomato straight off the vine? Well, it’s…it’s…it’s a tomato straight off the vine. I want you all to experience it at least once.

The thing about homegrown tomatoes is, you never know what you’re gonna get once you slice it open. It’s like opening a present.

And believe me, you won’t want any of it to go to waste, as my tooth marks will demonstrate.

Go ahead and slice it up and set it aside.

Now grab a cucumber and slice it pretty thinly.

Guess what? I didn’t get this from my garden. I got it from the store.

Now lop off the top of a red onion. Stop for a moment and wonder why they don’t call them PURPLE onions. Scratch your head. Look at the ceiling.

Then slice the onion, purple or red or whatever, as thinly as you can. Call me a wuss, but I just can’t handle thick slices of raw onions. They make me want to hurl and chew a whole pack of Doublemint gum.

Now grab the avocado and cut it in half lengthwise.

Then twist it to open it up.

Now take a spoon and run it inside along the flesh and the hard skin. Remove the flesh in one piece.

Now make thin slices. And try not to eat them all.

Hello, my beautiful lovers. You are cool and crisp and delightful.

And now for the first secret ingredient: Muenster Cheese. Oh dear, oh my, oh wow. If you haven’t yet become obsessed with Muenster Cheese, it’s time to start today. It’s readily available in the normal, non-fancy cheese section of the grocery store. This is Sargento brand. Not that I’m a namedropper or anything—I’m just trying to share the love.

And now for the second secret ingredient: Cheddar Cheese. Oh wow, oh my, oh dear. I don’t know what it is, but the Cheddar and the Muenster together? I think it’s a combination created by angels.

Back to the veggies, wash and pat dry a few pieces of lettuce. Any variety is fine.

Now go split one of the bagels. Any bagel is fine, but I love the grainy nuttiness of the Everything Bagel.

Split it. Then toast it. Then let it cool completely. Toasting it gives it the perfect crunch, flavor, and texture.

Once the bagel is totally cool, generously spread on the cream cheese.

This’ll add a real burst of flavor to the vegetables.

Now it’s time to get serious!

Lay a few hundred slices of avocado right along the cream cheese.

Now set some alfalfa sprouts on top. And gosh, let’s talk about alfalfa sprouts for a second. I used to be afraid of them because my mom and all her country club friends ate them all the time in their pita bread sandwiches and I thought they tasted like grass. But now? Well, they still taste like grass. But in a really good way!

And it amazes me that these tiny little sprouts will eventually wind up in our hay barn. I’ll let you think about that for a minute.

And now for the CHEESE, baby. Lay on a slice of Muenster.

Next, lay on a slice of cheddar. I like to turn it 45 degrees so it’s not laying directly on top of the Muenster. It looks prettier, less symmetrical, and as a result, your mind tricks you into thinking it tastes better. I LOVE it when my mind does that!

Now grab the other half of the bagel and arrange the cucumber slices in a circle.

I’ve got a method to this madness. See, the cucumbers and the avocado always slip and slide out of sandwiches the easiest. So by placing them directly against the cream cheese, you’re cementing them to the sandwich.

See? I know what I’m talking about at least 1/1000897th of the time.

Next, because cucumbers don’t come salted, I usually sprinkle them with just a tiny bit of salt. But you don’t have to if you don’t want to.

Now, place some red onion slices on top of the cucumbers. I go pretty light on the raw onion, but you can lay it on thick if you want.

Next come two tomato slices, followed by a piece of lettuce.

And okay, another piece of Muenster. Trust me—you’d miss that second piece of Muenster.

Put the halves together. Now stop and look at what you have created.

Here, let me turn it around and show you a different view. Beautiful, isn’t it? There’s just not much about this sandwich that I don’t want to marry.

Cutting it in half requires a wicked-sharp knife. I would normally use my long, serrated bread knife, but someone stole mine recently. And okay, nobody stole it but that’s a lot better than acknowledging that I misplaced it myself. I mean, where does one misplace a fourteen-inch serrated knife? How many different possible locations could it be?

Oh good land of our great mother of perpetual motion…will you take a look at THIS?

Oh, and here’s a tip: one half of this baby is plenty.

And here’s another tip: Don’t be fixing it for your first date with someone. It’s rather tall, and requires you to open your mouth really wide to fit it all in. And you never know when the wayward sprout will drop out.

I’m just trying to save you some embarrassment here.

Just stick close to me, and you’ll never be embarrassed about another thing in your life.

Preparation Instructions

Place ½ a block of cream cheese on a plate and mash it a bit with a fork. Next, chop up 2-3 green onions and mix them with the cream cheese until thoroughly combined.

Slice all veggies (tomatoes, cucumbers, avocados, red onions) thinly.

Slice bagel in half. Spread the cream cheese generously on both sides of the bagel.

Layer the vegetables. First lay the avocados right along the cream cheese to help them stay put. Next the alfalfa sprouts and then one slice of each kind of cheese. On the other half of the bagel arrange the cucumber slices in a circle.

Sprinkle the cucumbers with a pinch of salt if you would like.

Next lay the onion slices on top of the cucumbers, then the tomatoes, followed by a slice of lettuce, and if you’re feeling naughty, another slice of Muenster cheese.

Put the whole thing together and Voila! A cool, crisp, and deliciously fabulous Veggie and Cheese Bagel Sandwich.

523 Comments

Cam On Monday, July 28 at 8:33 pm

CONGRATULATIONS BETSY!!! Ree you’re an aunt again, take lots of pics, oh wait, duh, of course you will. You did pack the camera, right? This isn’t going to be Mateo’s wedding all over again is it? lol kidding

melissa On Monday, July 28 at 8:33 pm

Welcome, Pioneer Nephew! And huge congrats to the proud parents, aunt, uncles and grandparents! What a happy day. Thanks for the twittering, it’s terribly entertaining! Hope the new bundle of joy will make an appearance here sometime soon, I think we’d all love to see him!

Mrs. Bancks On Monday, July 28 at 8:54 pm

Mmmm. I’ve been craving an everything bagel with chive cream cheese, sprouts and turkey…but now I’m going to have to add avocado, tomato, scallions, and extra cheese to that day dream. Or maybe to my grocery list. Yes, that’s the ticket. My grocery list. Thanks, PW!

408

Amy On Monday, July 28 at 9:16 pm

This looks like my favorite sandwich when I was in college… the Veggie Melt from the “Bagel Shoppe” only with the inclusion of mushrooms, banana peppers and melty muenster and cheddar.

And now I’m hungry.

409

lidia On Monday, July 28 at 9:21 pm

There’s nothing better than a cool sandwich on a hot day. Thanks Ree!

410

MAGGIE Z. On Monday, July 28 at 9:23 pm

YOUR BAGEL SANDWICH SOUNDS ‘SO’ GOOD. FOR LUNCH I MADE A VARIATION WITH WHAT I HAD IN THE HOUSE. IT WAS GOOD, BUT YOURS SOUNDS BETTER. ALL OF YOUR INGREDIENTS ARE ON MY SHOPPING LIST.

411

Cherie On Monday, July 28 at 9:24 pm

Yeah for your new nephew!!!
Huzzah for his proud parents!!!
Whoopee for his entire happy family!!!
=)

Looks good. It is not only 3000 degrees here but I am 6 months pregnant which means it’s really 5000 degrees. And I’ve lost my taste for avacodoes during pregnancy strangely. But I love Muenster. Mmmm.

413

hana On Monday, July 28 at 9:28 pm

I have half of an everything bagel waiting for me back at the office. No veggies, though. Hmm… but this is a good candidate for me hooking up the macbook to the TV and showing the non-techie in my house how wonderfully delicious it is to have a TV as a monitor option…

Kai On Monday, July 28 at 9:34 pm

YUM! And I lost my bread knife, too. It was only a 12″ one, but I still can’t find it.

417

Red Mango On Monday, July 28 at 9:40 pm

Wow. I’m not one to try newfangled things, but that actually looks good. I’m always looking for something new to do with cream cheese. Mmmmm! And avocadoes….hm…another point for you. Necessity is indeed the mother of invention. (but it always makes me wonder who the father was?)

418

Amyinbc On Monday, July 28 at 9:52 pm

Thanks for my latest desktop pic. A reminder to make one of those babies soon!

Babies… Tell us about Wetsy!!

419

anita On Monday, July 28 at 10:01 pm

Forgive me on not loving this one. Bagels are doughnuts gone wrong. Alfalfa Sprouts are nasty. Throw the rest together on a a croissant and we could talk. Now, that dang egg in a hole has become my new obsession. LOVE IT!! MUST HAVE ONE DAILY! and it must be rye bread, YUUUMMMM.

Oh. My. God. Ree I just about fell out of my chair, you always make my day (especially late at night, everything’s funnier then.)

“I’d worn a black suit to church because my muscular, cut, sexy, tan arms have been on vacation for the past 39 years and I’m beginning to think they’re never coming back. There over in Brazil, on some tiny Brazilian woman, enjoying their day in the sun.”

“So. Black suit. Long sleeves. “All Season Wool”, which, in my part of the country, means that if you wear it after July 4th, you’d better carry along a bottle of water, an ice pack and an oxygen tank…”

Seriously, you’re killing me. You’re so… poetic.

Take care,

~ Jen

426

Windy On Monday, July 28 at 11:05 pm

If you posted in the middle of all these comments that Wetsy had a baby boy, I just can’t find it. I hope tomorrow you put it on the front page.

Anyway, good luck to the new little family.

427

Jo On Monday, July 28 at 11:14 pm

Happy Baby Arrival!

428

Mesha On Monday, July 28 at 11:42 pm

hmmm. . . I was contemplating making bagels. Yes. homemade bagels. from scratch. but I was wondering what to do with the other 15 mini-bagels I’d have after snarfing the first one down and burning my tastebuds again. Cursed self-control . . .Now I know! Thank you, Ree! Do you think thinly sliced zucchini would work instead of the cucumber? I’m afraid my reflux disease is a bit far-advanced for things like cucumbers anymore. . .

Janet On Tuesday, July 29 at 6:23 am

I would have to omit the avocado. I love avocados but they loathe me. They like to make my stomach have shooting pains and then they really like to make me sit on the toilet for an entire evening while I pray for the pain to pass. It is not pretty… you would think I would learn. Did I mention that I love avocados?

Joann On Tuesday, July 29 at 8:03 am

Nova On Tuesday, July 29 at 8:05 am

Congratulations Wetsy and Dh on the new baby and good for you getting the epidural! I wish I had known abuot those with my first one.
Enjoy the Starbucks Ree!!!

440

Judy in Houston On Tuesday, July 29 at 8:05 am

Congratulations Wetsy and hubby and Aunt Ree and Uncle MM and all the cousin punks!

Welcome to the world little baby punk!

Pictures. We want pictures.

441

Karen from NC On Tuesday, July 29 at 8:52 am

Congratulations to Betsy and hubby on the arrival of your new nephew! How exciting!!!

Yes, pictures! Lots and lots of pictures!!! How many hours did it take for you to drive to Austin? Road trips are fun, esp. if your going to see your sister and new baby! (Oh, and to go to Starbucks!!) Your girls must be excited too! Have a wonderful time, Ree!

Thanks so much for the updates!! Too funny!

Oh, I made your Avocado sandwich yesterday! I thought I`d had died and gone to Heaven! Seriously! I will NEVER make fun of healthy, Californian food again!

My husband and I grow several different kinds of heirloom tomatoes every year. We usually take a chance and plant a couple of plants early. This year it paid off!! We had our first “real” tomatoes of the year in June – Mmmmmm.
Cherokee Purples, Roses, Amish Pastes, Black Krims….
They are so good with anything, but especially on a yummy veggie bagel or juicy burger…

443

Bunny On Tuesday, July 29 at 9:30 am

WOW. Can’t wait to try this. Let me just say that before I accidentally stumbled upon your site a few weeks ago, none of the other recipes I tried on any other blog ever worked out for me. Then I found your site and suddenly all of your recipes turned out amazingly well! Now I don’t trust any other blogs but yours…

P.S. I have a hojillion tomatoes that are ripening at once in my garden. Please, please tell me what to do with them. Yours is the only opinion I trust.

I think you might have suffered some heat stroke after reading all that. But even after heat stroke your recipes are awesome! It looks yummy.

445

kim On Tuesday, July 29 at 9:57 am

This was my dinner last night and it was PHENOMENAL! I have been dreading cooking all summer long and this was exactly what I needed! So easy and so filling. I swapped out the tomatoes for green peppers since I’m not a fan, but other than that, perfection! THANK YOU PW!!

I love your sandwich! So refreshing. We too are battling the heat down here in the Texas Hill Country. I am a transplanted New York City girl who married a Texan over 10 years ago – love the Hill Country – but I don’t think I will ever get used to this heat!

I made some homemade kifir to go with the sandwich. The cold, tangy, slightly effervescent beverage was nice cool accompaniment. Here’s my kefir info:

congratulations to wetsy!!!! can’t wait to see the baby pictures;) drink LOTS of starbucks!!!
love, u.
p.s. they did open the first starbucks ever down in argentina a few months ago. but i live about an hour from the “city” so haven’t been there yet! i’ll let you know how my first experience goes once i venture out into the “real world”!

448

mel On Tuesday, July 29 at 10:56 am

I’m seriously making this – asap!!

449

Tracy On Tuesday, July 29 at 11:06 am

Sounds delish…I like to buy fresh plain bagels, smother them in pesto mayo and add shaved turkey and provolone…..YUM!

450

Patricia On Tuesday, July 29 at 11:32 am

Thanks, Ree,
My oldest daughter is a vegetarian. I know that’s a dirty word on a ranch, and we’re farmers too, have some beef cattle right here. But we love her anyway and try to feed her healthy stuff when we visit. Baby daughter is flying in from Chicago this weekend, and this will make a great picnic! Thanks.

451

jessica On Tuesday, July 29 at 11:51 am

I made mine with homemade roasted garlic cream cheese, only used one slice of cheese (too much cheese hurts me, man – its my cross to bear and I kind of hate it), and omitted the lettuce, due to a lack of it.It still tasted OUT OF THIS WORLD. I have had it the past two days for lunch, and am thinking of having it for dinner. Ree, your ideas never disappoint. THANK YOU!

452

jessica On Tuesday, July 29 at 12:44 pm

I made this sandwich for lunch today. It was great! I didn’t head the warning of eating only half….my tummy hurts.

453

bobbieh On Tuesday, July 29 at 12:51 pm

We had these for dinner last night, and they were WONDERFUL!!! Thanks for sharing!

Looks amazing, I’m gonna have to make these. I live in AZ & it’s hot hot hot here too!!

468

melissa On Tuesday, July 29 at 6:46 pm

I just bought the ingredients for this, am trying very hard to hold out till it’s **actually** lunch time.
And just so you know, all the babytalk around here is making me horribly broody, I have a strong desire to go forth and multiply again. I blame you.

I just made one of these for myself for lunch in honor of Wetsy’s milk coming in! Go Wetsy, Go! And then my kids saw it and they wanted one too. And it made me wish they were babies again so I could just eat another one and nurse it to them. Which would’ve been a lot less work!

470

Emma in TX On Tuesday, July 29 at 8:22 pm

Ree – #1 – you can’t fool me into thinking that MM actually ATE this sandwich – no meat or butter involved
#2 – DON’T do it – DON’T let your hormones and desire to nurse Wetsy’s baby take over – you said that MM had impregnated you without your permission before – and he certainly seems ready to do it WITH your permission at the drop of a hat and of his wranglers..
#3 – go back and find your posts with your Madwoman poetry – do you REALLY want to start writing it again…. and
#4 – No more diapers or baby wipes bought after 10 years? Remember that?
Besides – if you produce another Punk – you’ll Never finish the Lodge and Never have Photo Retreats (ok, that’s a selfish reason on my part) Just trying to be the voice of reason…:)

471

Pamela On Tuesday, July 29 at 8:38 pm

You must have a ginormous mouth. I could not open my mouth that wide, I like stuff piled on one side of the bagel. I especially like that Sargento Muenster! Yum, Yum, Yum! Try it on a toasted bagel with slices of tomato and give it a quick broil…when its not so oppressively hot!

This sandwich is so good!!! I made it for lunch- it was about the best sandwich I have ever had. I added a little turkey for some more protein- it was quite the whopper! So good, I made it for dinner too (we added bacon to it this time), a friend of mine came over and loved it also- what a great summer bite! Thanks for this incredible recipe!

Kathy On Wednesday, July 30 at 9:35 am

OMG, you are so funny! I can’t wait to read the rest of your blog. Now where are my Bagels……

481

Bev On Wednesday, July 30 at 10:00 am

You can tone down red onion (or any onion) by sprinkling it heavily with salt and letting it sit for about 5 minutes. This causes the harsh juices to sweat out of the onion. Rinse off the salt and pat dry before eating.

482

Bev On Wednesday, July 30 at 10:02 am

Clarification – sprinkle the slices with salt, not the uncut onion

483

Katherine On Wednesday, July 30 at 6:30 pm

Forget what I was going to write…something a bit tongue in cheek and I don’t want to offend your delicate senses or those of your readers.

The bagelwich (knew name) looks awesome. I bet I could make do with an English muffin…

No, there isn’t anything in the world to compare to a fresh picked home grown tomato

You got me with the toasted bagel, the cream cheese with some shallots and the fresh crunch. I made my version of this today (no cheese… sorry but beetroot was in there – and I even did the sprouts, which I haven’t done in YEARS and low, they were good).
It was so satisfying – on so many levels.

hi ree~! your bagel sandwich looks awesome! wish i thought of it the past weekend when i was lying still in bed all bed with fan on trying to be less hot. looks so refreshing and healthy.

498

Molly On Tuesday, August 5 at 11:17 pm

Grrr…I’ve made it twice and while I know it’s gonna be delicious, I can’t eat it, let alone cut it in half without it falling completely apart! Sooo frustrating. Everything comes out the sides. Any tips?

I can’t seem to find the printable recipe. I could print the entire post, I guess. Am I missing it somewhere?

500

elise On Thursday, August 7 at 3:35 pm

As a good Jewish girl, I have had my share of bagels and bagel sandwiches. Yours looks amazing, but I have one suggestion that may take it over the top…try scooping out the inside of the bagel (I know…it sounds crazy, but you can use that stuff for breadcrumbs or something because most bagels are too doughy to begin with). Now, when you toast it, you have a really crunchy bagel with a great trough for the cream cheese. Once you then heap on the veggies, the whole thing will be sublime. Try it…hope you like it!
Elise