Tuesday, July 14, 2009

There's something not very many people know about me. I'm the biggest gangster.

THE BIGGEST.

I'm huge, you haven't heard of me?

Oh well, you're probably just a square.

I'm more popular than John Dillinger, how many times does he get laid in that movie? ONCE.

Unfortunately, one of the most complex areas of maintaining a gangster persona is your appearance. You can't be to fat or too skinny, you can't have to many tommy guns or too little. That would be a mess.

Worst of all is worrying about your clothes. See, there was once a time when I was infinitely fond of collared shirts with short sleeves. I owned practically a whole wardrobe of these shirts. That is until one day when a fellow gangster of mine made it vocally clear that in his opinion, those shirts were somewhat tasteless and unfitting of a true gangster such as myself.

Now this is where my dilemma arose, I know it is the trait of a true individual to not care what people think, but I'm a GANGSTER. GANG MEMBER. MEMBER OF A GANG OF PEOPLE. Thus I had no choice but to submit to the whims of all my unsavoury cohorts.

I haven't worn one of those shirts since my unfortunate calling out.

But it seems that my company has changed somewhat, and now that I am a gangster in control of a mob of geniuses available online, ready to mobilize at the drop of a fedora; I must bring myself to ask your opinion on the matter.

Short-sleeved collared shirts, in or out?

In other matters, have any among you managed to fall asleep while eating? A friend of mine did it the other night, I have never seen anything so fantastic in my entire life. She literally stopped mid chew with her chin in her hand, elbow resting on the table, to fall asleep for more than 10 seconds straight. Upon being confronted about it she has no recollection of it whatsoever.

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