How a tortured caterpillar becomes a Butterfly…

Discussion on Miles–Part V and VI (and updates on life, Book II, and publishing)

So, I know that I said that I would get back to Journey of Miles, but I forgot the discussion of the last two installments. Also, I have some important information to pass on to those of you who are following my progress.

First, most (if not all) of you know that I am responsible for my own business. Unfortunately, I have been facing competition from a major competitor and manufacturer who has been cutting into my market share in a major way. For that reason, I have been forced to close my business for the slow season (maybe indefinitely) because unfortunately, I have not been making enough money to pay the bills. This means that I had to seek work outside of the business. Working for someone else frees up time as well as takes time away. My “off the clock” time is no longer consumed with thoughts of business, but I can’t be on the computer AT ALL during my “on the clock” time.

Do you see how this presents a dilemma?

I am trying to edit and publish a book, keep a blog and mailing list up to date, AND write Book II of a beloved fanfiction with less than half of the available computer time that I had before. Yes, this is definitely going to be a problem.

Having said that, please be informed that the editing is going to take longer than I thought, and that when I do get back to Book II on Fanfiction, it most likely will not be updated twice a week. We will see if that changes as time progresses.

Next, most (if not all) of you know that the original story turned out to be 1600 pages long in its current format. Of course, we couldn’t leave it like that! No one wants to sit down and read “War and Peace” right? So, I had decided that Book I would be two volumes… hopefully one released right after the other. Well, I reformatted the story and did my preliminary brush-over edits and the story came down to about 1300 pages. Then I eliminated some initial redundancies and the story is just under 1200 pages. I have some more redundancies to eliminate in the second half, but I am happy to say that the first round of edits on Book I, Volume I of the Butterfly Saga is complete! This only means that I have read through and changed the names, location, and necessary events of the very first part of the story. Book I, Volume I looks to be just under 500 pages before second-round editing. I think that works out well for my stories.

Finally, since I have reached this Milestone (pun intended as you will see in the book), I have felt comfortable starting to put together the outline and storylines that I have started for Book II. This means that in conjunction with continuing the editing on my book to prepare for publishing, I will be actively working on the chapters for Paging Dr. Steele, Book II (that will not be the name of Book II). Keep your eye on this blog, your email, and Paging Dr. Steele as Book II will be announced as an epilogue to PDS in the voice of one of our villains! AND I expect to start updating at the end of the month. AGAIN, it may only be on Saturdays now because of my changed schedule, but we will see how that works and I promise that you will always at least get an update from me once a week. Now, on to Miles….

SO… in part V, the truth has come out about Oliver’s abuse of Miles and everyone is pointing at everyone else as to who is to blame about it going on so long. Well, no, let’s correct that… Julia is blaming herself and Natalie; Maxwell is blaming himself and Natalie; Natalie is blaming anybody but herself, including Miles.

Do we see a pattern here?

I hate to side with a Pedophile, but I do have to agree with her on one thing. As a mother, Julia should have known that something wasn’t right. I know from experience that we can choose to be blind to certain things if we refuse to believe that it is going on inside our own home. I haven’t had this particular experience, but I have exercised “selective blindness” in my life.

Nonetheless, Miles has been released from the physical abuse of his oppressor (one of them anyway), but the emotional affects of it is of course far reaching. He’s having nightmares and daymares that Oliver will return to finish the job and therapy isn’t helping. Anyone who has read Paging Dr Steele can see where the “Stoley” syndrome is falling into place here, not because Miles is resentful of therapy, but because the therapists are not treating specifically what is wrong with him.

In addition to that, he is now getting a taste of the fraud that is his and Natalie’s relationship, although he doesn’t identify it as such just yet. He has run to her for comfort, but he’s only being used. In the end, a selfish person will always be selfish and we all know that Natalie is only in this for what she can get from it. Natalie craves a kind of control that cannot be filled, a kind of control that will only result in pain for all parties involved – including herself. Miles doesn’t yet know that he is caught in a vicious cycle yet again. He only knows that he is confused and in pain and that Natalie somehow plays into this confusion and pain. So what does he do?

Examine what makes a sick fuck tick.

Now, I know that characters often write themselves; my fingers just type the words for others to see. As I was forming this event in Miles’ life, I was writing this act as an act of curiosity – a method to try to understand why Oliver enjoyed this lifestyle and subsequently an escape for the pain that he was feeling from Natalie’s rejection. As I go bak to read it, I learned differently. It was all of those things, but at its base it was an act of rebellion and revenge. It was an act of rebellion against everything as it was at that time:

Against Julia – he could have very easily told his mother that the room was there. Instead, he kept it a secret and then had it dismantled when he was done with it.

Against the therapists – a bunch of quacks who are not addressing his problems.

Against Oliver – Oliver always made the room forbidden. This act is removing what was left of Oliver’s control over Miles.

Against Natalie – ultimately, this is rebellion and revenge against Natalie. At this point in his young life, Miles is effectively a scorned lover. He just doesn’t know it yet. Nine times out of ten, if you didn’t leave your lover for someone else, the next lover that you get is to prove to yourself and to your prior lover that you can get another lover. Don’t admit it if you don’t want to, it’s fine – but it’s the truth. You run and jump into another relationship with the mentality of “I’ll show them,” which is exactly what this child is trying to do. Of course, this act takes on a life of its own and becomes much more than he expected.

What’s strange is that I didn’t know that when I wrote it.

So now, all of the previous marriages have been dissolved. No more Oliver and Julia; no more Maxwell and Natalie. This leaves everyone to pursue romantic relationships with whomever they so desire… although Oliver can only pursue a relationship with his cellmate Bubba at this time, but I digress. Natalie is still fulfilling her… urges… but she keeps Miles just close enough to keep him hanging on. Little does she know, Miles is filling his time with a new hobby. He wants so badly to participate in this new pasttime as he learns more and more about it. However, he discovers that although this lifestyle is considered taboo, it also must be consensual, meaning that none of the adult participants and experts are willing to apprentice a child. Well, no problem. Lie about my age, learn what I can from the chat rooms and find a nice girl that will let me fuck and flog her. Couldn’t be that hard, right?

Wrong!

Not only has he been through a few girls that have turned him down quietly, but now he must contend with Big Mouth Brianna who has blabbed all over school that he is into this alternative lifestyle. She is running her mouth so much, in fact, that the news has gotten to Levi all the way on the other end of the country at UC-Berkeley. Now he has to put that fire out and, oh, have we mentioned that Natalie knows now? Yeah… he is slowly pulling away from her and sinking into the lifestyle. The only thing is that while her back was turned, he developed into Young Hotness!

Miles is still rough around the edges, but Pedo-Whore is seeing his full potential now – young and gorgeous, eager and horny, open to new things. With just a little training and molding, he could be the perfect man for her. After all, he worships the ground she walks on, right?

So, yeah, she still has her claws in him but he is blind when it comes to her. While she is learning the lifestyle that now interests him, he still naively thinks that she is looking out for his best interests – even after he finds a playmate close to his age that mysteriously goes off to college somewhere and never speaks to him again. Did anybody else find that strange?

Now, she decides to sub for him, but this act us futile because he can’t objectively dominate her. In the process, he still sees the control that she has over him because of his misplaced feelings for her. So he has decided to continue his “studies” without her interference… or is he?

The last installment of “Journey of Miles” with be his trek from high school student to wealthy and successful businessman. Where do you think Natalie – and his parents – will play a role in his transformation? What do you think about Miles’ journey so far and how he views the lifestyle through the eyes of a teenager learning on his own, without the influence of a manipulative pedophile (for the most part anyway) that we saw in the original story? Do you think that, in the rewrites, this will affect the kind of Dom he is or his reasons for partaking in the lifestyle as an adult? (You can clearly see that this story is taking a turn from the original, can’t you?) Your thoughts?

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16 thoughts on “Discussion on Miles–Part V and VI (and updates on life, Book II, and publishing)”

Hey BG – first, I am sorry to hear about your business troubles. It is a sad day when small businesses lose their flavor and individuality from major competition. Is there any legal avenue you can take?
Second, edits take forever – and your readers will appreciate the effort you are putting in there. I for one, can’t wait to read it. Just don’t kill yourself – it’s hell editing, promoting, and writing all at once. I have found that random screaming helps. 🙂
On the journey of Miles (love Milestone as a pun), i agree that characters write themselves. I too am wondering why the friends disappear? I assume it’s pedo-whore at work but who knows… quick question based on your research: at what point, if ever, would Miles becoming a “man” physiologically cause pedo-whore to lose interest? And if that happens, what goes on? Would there normally be an implicit understand that it’s all done, or would there be – in this case – more of a different level of obsession? Is pedo-whore in a way changing as well? (Far be it from me to stand up for her – this is strictly character curiosity discussion). Thanks and good luck! Great work.

It is so hard to tell you how the pedophile mind works because it covers soooooooooooooo much. We’ve established that Natalie is our “Elena” character, but to this day I still don’t know why Elena approached a teenager. Supposedly, Christian was the only one in the trilogy…so why did she approach him? Then she subsequently nearly lost everything to hold on to him. We never got the answer. She just served to introduce him to the lifestyle and to be a point of contention in the story. She committed AN act of pedophilia, then she just became a background antagonist.

In my story, Natalie continues her pedophilia. Pedophiles cannot live that life in the daylight. Most pedophiles are married with children of their own. A pedophile wants a child, but has to BE with an adult. In order to be with an adult, they have to be attracted to an adult somewhere. That’s what happened with Miles. Natalie needs to be needed. She has this sick thing for kids, but nothing that went “full on” until Miles. That’s why you saw her say that, after the whole story of Miles and Oliver came out, she felt brave enough to “go find another.” Miles didn’t need her anymore. He wasn’t being abused anymore. This is why she lost interest in him. She kept him around because she had taught him, she could relive the time when he needed her, and it was the ultimate revenge against her ex. When Miles kept saying, “I think she has somebody else,” it was another child. When someone has a deviant sexual desire, there is a driving factor behind that desire. I would never in my life want to empathize with the driving factor behind wanting a child, but I am aware of two (out of many) of them–a child is needy (predator mentality) and they are young (they can “age out” which is what you were talking about).

While Natalie was out looking for more “needy” children, Miles grew up into hotness and she wanted him back, which is why she researched this lifestyle he was in.

It was hard to answer this question. I think you were asking can someone “age out” of pedophilia. The answer is yes, you can get too old for a pedophile to want you, but most often, the pedophile is just going to find another kid. At what point that happens, only the pedophile knows. What goes on–the pedophile just stops touching the kid and go their way like it never happened. There’s no “breakup” or signal…they just stop. Pedo-whore is not changing…she’s still a pedophile. She just doesn’t want to let Miles go. Remember, she was married to his father. So as a man, Miles is her type. Imagine having that man that you once loved so much as a young man all over again with sexual stamina that you can mold into whatever you want him to be. She’s going to hold on for dear life. Unfortunately for Natalie, it is ALL obsession. There is no redemption.

BG, Thank you so much for putting the time to explain this. I found it a fascinating aspect of his journey and one that, as you say, is not explained or touched in the FSOG trilogy. But that’s why i find your story so much deeper, and even educational, because it is darker in that it touches in these subjects. Yes, essentially you are right about my question: can one age out of pedophilia in the sense that they maintain the same level of attraction as the child grows? It’s such a dark topic and i have to admit that until i read about Miles’ journey, i had never spent much time thinking on it. But it became interesting to see Natalie’s attachment. I was suspecting that this is “all obsession” for her, rather than any form of true or genuine affection. Which is why the question fascinated me even more. It’s as if the same “neediness” for pedophilia illustrates her obsession for mature Miles.

But your discussion brought up another question for me if we are still continuing this thread: the intersection of BDSM/pedophilia and obsession. We saw in FSOG that CG knew or learned somehow to pick BDSM and not the “pedophilia/older woman” aspect. In other words, he was able to compartmentalize BDSM from abuse. Part of it is the concept of informed consent – that a child cannot give it, but an adult can. But I think it went beyond that to an elemental sense of right of wrong that CG had and Elena did not. Do you find that for Miles to have reached his adulthood and current level of function and success, he too had to compartmentalize in the same way? If so, what is the single most important factor or trait that he has that allowed him to parse the two? (By the way, totally feel free to ignore this or take your time – i am just fascinated by the discussion and I think it’s fun to get inside characters’ heads). Thanks for creating this. Well done!!!

Ooooooo, that’s good–really good question!! First, I have to say that in the original trilogy, I felt like neither of compartmentalized what was going on. Neither of them saw anything wrong with what they were doing. As far as we know, Elena didn’t go around molesting boys in the original story–it was just Christian. As far as she was concerned, she was just helping him. When you get a chance, pay attention to Elena’s reaction every time she was attacked about what she did to Christian in the original story. She NEVER defended the pedophilia–she only ever defended the lifestyle and she always pulled Christian in with it (OUR lifestyle). And she never defended herself alone against anybody except Christian. Whenever Ana came at her about being a pedophile, she always, always redirected the attack and defense to the lifestyle (“you know nothing about our lifestyle” etc). Neither one of them thought what they did was wrong. Christian went all the way through the last book taking responsibility for that relationship. As far as Miles is concerned, you have to keep in mind that she didn’t bring Miles into the lifestyle… Miles brought her into the lifestyle, so to speak. Christian didn’t love Elena. Miles loved Natalie–as much as a teenager could love anyway. Christian recognized that Elena was unable to give him love (In Darker, when he told her “You never once told me you loved me”). He’s telling her that he can get that from Ana and that she is in no position to tell him that Ana is not right for him. On the other hand, Miles had to accept that Natalie was unwilling (and probably unable) to give him love because the attraction and attachment that she feels for him is not based on love, which is why she is trying to convince him that what he feels for her is not love. Keep in mind that once Elena/Natalie sees Christian/Miles slipping from her fingers, now all of a sudden, she feels like she can love him. So I really don’t think it’s a question of compartmentalization more so that it is a question of the characters’ perception as a whole. There really is no need to compartmentalize if they don’t think anything is wrong…and they don’t.

I just want to say I am so sorry about your business I hope things get better for you. As for your editing I am more than happy to wait your story is well worth it and I can’t wait to be able to your book it will amazing as always you are an incredible writer so I am convinced it will be a hugely successful book and I am beyond excited for book two of paging dr Steele I can’t wait and I just want to say thank your for taking the time to write the stories you write I love love love them x

I would like to say how sorry I am about your business. I will say that God only gives us what we can handle. I would like to say I truly enjoy your backstory of Miles. I am also looking forward to the book. I, myself would have read it if it was 1500 pages or 200 pages. You have a great gift to write a book that grabs you in the first page. I feel for Miles, my heart breaks for him. I will wait patiently for your book and for part two of PDS. I will keep you and your family in my prayers and hopefully all things will work out.

I truly appreciate you keeping us updated on any news and progress. Most say they will but they don’t. I know how much it sucks having to close down your business but maybe something better is around the corner for you. Everything will work out how it’s supposed to just have faith. I just know you’re book is going to be more than amazing. Can’t wait to be able to see it down and read it all, 1600 pages or 200. Paging Dr. Steele!!!!! I’m glad it’s coming soon. The end of the month is about two weeks so yay!!! I have to say in my life I am NOT the most patient person but for you, just for you, I have put that aside. I just know Book 2 is going to be epic. Good luck on rewrites, new job and Book 2. Continue being great and keep your head up.

That is so funny because I knew SOMEBODY would be doing a countdown, lol!!! I really love that people are following and are happy to see the story come back. I think you guys are going to be really pleased with the rewrites of the story as well!

I am sorry to hear about your business Bronzy but let’s face it, it would be hard to keep the business going when you are on the book signing tours. You are so good at telling a story. I am finding it hard to believe that you are not already on the Best Sellers List. I am really missing PDS but I know you will feed us when you can.

I am just a fan who doesn’t know you personnaly but from what i perceived of you through your words(story and reply) you seem to be a woman who knows what she wants,who she is and what she worths…so keep your fighting spirit on this business of yours’s matter, do what you have to do and God Will bless the work of your hands. I can’t wait to read more of Miles’s story. A belgian fan(sorry for my poor english)

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