As such, TOB has a lot of time on her hands to think about sh*t and ask questions...

...because, seriously...

Idaho?Sergeant at prostitution bust:"So, ma'am. Are you a prostitute?"

Hooker:"Yes, I da ho."

I kid.

She's actually VERY funny, and deserves a visit if you haven't read her already.

Anyway...here's her letter:

Dear Moog,

I was hoping that you could help my husband and I solve a little dispute regarding what exactly constitutes cheating in a marriage.

To me, I feel that cheating is a complex issue, and doesn't necessarily have to involve actually having sex with someone. An emotional affair is just as hurtful as a physical one, in my mind. I also believe that things like kissing, hugging and oral sex cross the line into adultery, as does watching someone else do dirty deeds on a webcam while you 'gratify' yourself.

Now, my husband believes that I am too old fashioned and he says that an affair only takes place when actual intercourse happens AND only if the two parties climax at the exact same time!

He assures me that his relationships with his secretary, our maid, our nanny, our neighbor, my sister as well as numerous webcam whores on the internet do not technically fit the "affair" category because he always orgasms long before they do.

The whole thing kind of offends me.

Am I overreacting here??

Offended in Idaho****************

Dear Offended,

Luckily, this was a letter.

Otherwise, any woman who actually spoke for this long would have had their words drowned out in my own thoughts midway through the second sentence.

As such, it took me 3 reads and 5 trips to the bathroom before I mustered the stamina to get through this.

But, I'm a trooper....and I'm here for you.

Anyway...

I may say that you've hit fairly close to home, here.

My wife, for instance, absolutely hates when I go to other people's blogs and make comments like:

"I'd SURE like to bang ya!"

...or..."I'm attaching pictures of my testicles for your review."

Of course, it's all out of context...

...as these comments were made on the blogs, "What-to-say-to-a-nail" and "Free-Vasectomy-Consultations," respectively...

Apparently the offended blogger is married to a spud...er...stud and there's no changing him.If I were her I wouldn't put up with that kind of behavior.I'd mash him in his tater tots and au gratin his french fry.

There was a guy in the army with me in Texas, who tried to get out of the army on a section 8 based on his claim that whenever he went through the chow line, he wanted to run his penis through the mashed potatoes. I don't know if he was from Idaho and just showing homesickness.

My wife and I have very strict rules regarding cheating. If it happens withing 11 feet of our house, it is cheating. Beyond that, we are in international waters, so to speak.

Of course no one will cheat with my wife because she is mean. That works out well for me because I get a lot of sympathy sex from women who feel sorry for me for having to put up with such a mean wife.

And people always ask me how we've managed to stay together for 29 years.