Few people are “Classic” at the ripe age of 20. A “Classic” person is someone like Paul Newman in “Cool Hand Luke”, Clint Eastwood in “The Good, The Bad, The Ugly”, or a skateboarder like Alan Petersen or John Cardiel. A “Classic” skateboarder will roll up to a spot, pensively smoke a cigarette in the shadow, sip on a beer, and then quietly annihilate every obstacle in his path. John ‘Dana’ Allison is one of those people. He is polite, quiet, pulchritudinous, and fucking rips. Actually, that was an understatement. This 20 year old from Fort Collins, Colorado is so damn good, he humbles every session he attends. Neither photos nor video footage do him justice, and I truly hope you can skate with him in person someday, preferably a pool. Dana recently became unemployed and will soon be hitchhiking around California and Oregon over the next couple of months with Xavier Manzanares. I met up with Dana and his legendary crew of friends in Fort Collins for a group interview full of shenanigans and laughter, some stories so gruesome, the crew would NOT let me document them…

Lenore Sparks / Confusion magazine: So I heard you banged a 50+ year old lady? Tell us more…

Dana: I can’t remember.

Confusion: Who initiated it?

Rump: I guess it was some old meth lady who’s pick up line was “you’re about the age of my son, in fact you remind me of him!” and then all of the sudden he was banging her, not able to rip clothes off fast enough. She was Kyle’s neighbor…

Confusion: Was she hot?

Dana: She was alright.

Rump: She was butt-ass ugly! She had dentures and shit; a cigarette dripping from a busted-ass corner of her meth-mouth.

Confusion: Have you ever banged a chick your age?

Dana: One, I banged one my age. Only older ones and younger ones at this point.

Confusion: You are going to SF and you told your friends you were going to kiss a boy right off the bus. You gonna actually step up?

Dana: (turning bright red) No, uh, well, I don’t do that…

Tailgrab nosegrind. Fairplay, Colorardo.

Confusion: So your nickname is “Dana” short for “Bandana”. Why?

Dana: Cuz one day I was skating with a bandana in my back pocket when I was 12, then KJ stole it from my pocket and wouldn’t give it back.

Rump: Everyone has a nickname here, except for Taylor.
Confusion: Why doesn’t Taylor have a nickname?

Rump: He represents all of Fort Collins, so he embodies all of the nicknames with his real name. He IS Taylor Dehart.

Taylor: The Hobo Pool is in Colorado Springs, you need heavy gloves. There are needles and shit down there and the hobos hate the skateboarders so they fill it with fucked up trash. Pizza pool in AZ is pretty sick!

Dana: Palmers (Albuquerque) looks amazing!

Judo tailblock. Side yard. Arvada, Colorado.

Confusion: What is your favorite backyard?

Dana: Tuck’s for sure! Xavier rips that place to shreds: backtails over the light and box. (Tuck’s is a swimmer in Arvada, built by the legendary Dave Tuck (RIP) and friends).

Confusion: Why don’t you skate in contests? You are the most consistent dude ever!

Rump: Because he is fucking straight underground!

Dana: I usually can’t make it to contests because I am either working or skating somewhere else. Contests don’t really mean that much to me. I’d honestly not like a bunch of fucking people watching me, I’d rather skate with my friends.

Rump: He is too fucking humble!

Dana: Yeah! You don’t know how fucking humble I am! Hahaha no words describe it! I want some beer.

Crail bonk. Somewhere in the mountains of Colorado.

Rump: I hear you are currently unemployed. How do you get beer?

Dana: I have no idea, man, I do want some beer though. (This particular day, Baby Death, a 16 year old, bought him beer).

Confusion: Did you quit your job?

Dana: No…. uh… My job quit me.

Frontside judo. Carbondale, Colorado.

Taylor: This interview is going great! I am going to share it on FB eight times!

Confusion: What is the bum suck off?

Dana: These bums walk by, a dude and his girlfriend, and she starts sucking his dick slobbering all over the place while some friends were filming a double set!

Rump: Dana wasn’t even there!

Dana: Yeah, but it is still funny and I’m gonna tell her anyway! The bum was like “we just did it over there by the sign too!” (To see this amazing video, instagram @charco_foiler)

Confusion: Who built Northside (a sick DIY park in Fort Collins)?

Dana: Us! Yeah us. Skelly, Josh Binky, Mike, Matt Zamba. I was too young back then, so I was cleaning up a lot and picking up trash. You didn’t get to skate it if you didn’t help. The city allowed the skaters to use the space originally, and three Grindline guys were helping. They left in the middle of the construction, so we just kept building. They never even looked at any of the designs, but there weren’t any anyway. We got that park for about $10 per square foot. The City was willing to pay for it, but hired the skateboarders as subcontractors. They didn’t mind underage kids helping, or volunteering.

The city guys came up and said hey you look like you know what you’re doing, but you should have asked us first (about the stuff against the wall). They just would have told us no if they saw what we were building. They told us to just put away the beer. It is way better to have a park already built without permission because it is expensive as hell to tear them down.

Trashbag: We should’ve used so much rebar they couldn’t physically remove that shit! What about the time at the Halloween jam when that kid chugged the mustard! Didn’t he die?

Taylor: Damn Dana, your interview is exclusive and juicy!

Madonna. Leadville, Colorado.

Dana: So the Grindline guys were camping at Northside while building and found a kid in their tent with a full-on rape suit! They found some condoms and their stolen shit in his bag, so they beat him up so badly that he landed in the hospital. The cops didn’t press charges because of the items found in the backpack. The next day, the mom came to the park and tried to press charges, but couldn’t because the criminal intent of the kid was obvious. Later that week, his Mexican family circled the park and looked for those Grindline guys, trying to beat them up, but they had already left. They were sick of the drama.

Texas plant off the rail: Northside DIY. Fort Collins, Coloardo.

Confusion: What is a rape suit?

Taylor: A full on black outfit.

Rump: Unibomber as fuck!

Taylor: The rape kid had a rape kit: condoms, ski mask, and a black suit. And candy! Yeah he had candy!

Confusion: Ok boys, I think I’ve embarrassed him enough. Thanks for the interview Dana, and good luck in Cali!

Dana: I’d like to thank my mom for dealing with me and all the support, Lenore, Taylor DeHart, Michael Parris, Terrill Schmidt, all The Market skateshop dudes, all the Denver homies, and the whole FTCK posse for the constant ripping and stokage!