Tuesday, June 07, 2005

Y'all Ready for This

The hoax has been revealed. How do I know all this? BECAUSE I'VE HEARD CHAPTER 5 0F 5, BITCHES. Anyhow, the Chapter 5 of 5 story behind the story is that I turned on the radio this weekend and it was playing and I think I screamed, but the next thing I knew I almost got in a car crash trying to turn the radio off BECAUSE I JUST WASN'T READY. So neither are you. But I will give you the lyrics to Chapter 4 of 5, which, if you go back and compare it to the fakie lyrics you will see why that day I kept telling everyone that I was "freaking the fuck out." On the bright side, although the real Chapter 4 lacks some of the sinsiter macabre plot twists of the fake C4, IT IS SO SEXY YOU WILL CUM. (Cum means have a climax.)

Oh, also, life has once again lost its purpose. Dear Nelly, please record a five-part radio drama to give my life new meaning. Love, Worker #3z1z1z6zl

Trapped in the Closet (Chapter 4 of 5) [dis is 4 reall-------(dirty)]byRobert Kelly

Now I'm dashin homeDoin 85Swervin lane to laneWit fire in my eyesI got a million thoughtsRunnin through my mindI'm thinkin about what imma do and who I'm gonna do it to when I get homeHow could I have been so blindAnd then I look in my rear viewI cannot believe this(Whoo whoo whoo)Damn, here comes a police manHe drove right up on me and flashed his lightThen I pulled over without thinkin twiceHe hopped out the car and walked over to meAnd said, "License and registration please"I looked up at him and said,"Officer, is there somethin wrong?"He said, "No, except you were were doin 85 in a 60 mile zone"Then I said, "Officer,Let me explain pleaseYa see the truth of the matter isIs that I have an emergency"He said, "No excusesAnd no exceptions"I said, "This is some bullshit"...as he gave me the ticketSaid, "Have a nice day," and walked awayI said, "Yeah right" and drove awayThen I turned my radio onAnd did 70 all the way homeI pulled up in the drivewayHopped out and slammed the car doorThen go in through the backBust up in the house and she screamin"What's all that for?"Then I'm like, "Woman, I called this houseAnd a man picked up my phone"Then she said, "Calm down,Did you forgetMy brother Twan came home?"Oh...And thats all I could say was "Oh"Wit a stupid look on my faceSaid, "I forgot he came home today"And she said, "That's okayBecause honey I understand"She said, "You dont have to explain"Then I took her by the handI kissed her and then we went to the roomThen I turned some music onApologized one more timeThen went down and start gettin it onAnd she started bitin her lipGrabbing me and makin noiseNow we makin love and she's my ear whisperin"It's all yours"I said, "I love you"And she said, "I love ya, too"Then a tear fell up out my eyeThen I called her my sunshineAnd then she looked at meAnd said, "Baby go deeper please"And thats when I start goin crazyLike I was tryin to give her a babyThe room feel like its spinninWe keep turnin and turninAs if we were in a whirlwindThe way our toes are curlinThe next thing ya know, she starts goin real wildAnd starts screamin my nameThen I said, "Baby, we must slow downBefore I bust a vessel in my brain"And she said, "Please, no, dont stop"And I said, "I caught a cramp"And she said, "Please keep on goin"I said, "My leg is about to crack"Then she cries out"Oh my goodness, I'm about to climax"And I said, "Cool, climax, Just let go of my leg"She says, "You're the perfect lover"I said, "I cant go no futher"Then I flip back the coverOh my God, a rubber...