Monday, April 6, 2015

Hello, its been a year and more since I didn't write here. In my head this even go like it was years. Anyway. I suppose to talk about art here, that is the reason I am actually in this blog. Its been around 9 years since my start of doing artworks.

Last 2-3 years are not best of this, taking in mind, that I stopped. Now, I do very rarely - for example 2 times a month. I remember with such a nostalgia times ,that I done it on regular basis.

Today, actually is one rainy day of April. I have ended several things in my life - things, that I considered important. Now, they are just part of the past.

I am extremely happy about it. There is time in life, that something must come to its end. Today, I feel I can start over.

When we come face to face with something inside us - part of the past, or just image, this confuses. I can not tell if I will be same person tomorrow, as I know I have been very different person 9 years ago. Its unclear for me if I have changed for better or worse. There is in me something like a basic depression. I have a look at life as a tragedy. Soul tragedy.

One of the best of my feelings inside, is the moments that everyday life go in fog. I like the moments, when nothing in life is so important. I feel free that way.

The fight for freedom inside is desperate. I have always come to failure to be really free. At moments I feel I am in victory, I find myself in front of the next lock door. Wondering why I illustrate another false freedom.

Periods in life are circles, and go around them, just like all the others.

Friday, January 31, 2014

I stopped doing new artwork for the last couple of months. Why? It isn't because the art is not as important to me as before,no, it is mostly because a few changes appear in my life. My regular job, involving keep managing an small Association in Bulgaria, dealing with mentally ill people,take now all my time.
Considering myself responsible person, I try to develop its capacity, to build a good working team, and provide a excellent services,for people who need it.
Keeping an association, require a lot of energy,even more then I have expected . In Bulgaria a lot of bad things happens. Situation is terrible not only for ill people,but to all others,poverty,political corruption,negative attitude ,depression. So all this made my job even more difficult,challenging. I have all time consider myself strong person with strong principles, but I always question myself a lot. "Did I do the best?" is a question that appear in my mind often.
Never satisfied fully of what I did.

I am 35 years old. Turning myself behind, I see clearly what I was,what I am now.....why I did what I did. In matter of truth I have always been kind of outsider.
Never fully assimilated by the society, but still accommodating to in somehow,in some way. One of the things that mostly disturbed me was the feeling been alone in and around a lot of people,friends and families. Now, I just get used to it,doesn't hurt anymore. You now,when time pass, a lot of things just stop hurting you.

One of the changes that happens lately was the my possibility to travel around Europe. I am a poor woman living in a poor country, so obviously my travel options came from European Union grant I have received last year. Being as always responsible, I try to manage the project work professional ( overwhelming myself with new material to cover , new duties and a lot new things to learn). For me it is contradictive field....I will tell you later why.

Seeing how things really are in Europe, in real, testing the countries myself ...is more then great option. Not just sitting in the box, at my home town, thinking that I know how things really are. Europe itself is a great source of inspiration now ( maybe other places too, i just haven,t reach them still). But the challenging part comes with my struggle to create something for people who suffer mental disease in Bulgaria. And then I meet the hard time.......

Sunday, January 6, 2013

Here two of my latest artworks " Cover the Empty" and " For the lost". "Cover the Empty" it is more like painting experiment.Over the photo of me I used a lot of painting with Photoshop Brushes.The truth is that I am not vary pleased with the final result - I think it is a lot static, still look vary naive - but at least it is experiment:) Idea about the hair is from long,I love to work over the hair about covering things and make it appear in not vary usual way, working on hair like this,make the image look more " surreal".Not so realistic,and that is my aim,really.

"For the lost" it is much more personal work,target a particular group of people from the society,who obviously close their eyes for truth ,get afraid of truth. In their life they prefer stay blind ,even their blindness is not real...Their living in compete darkness is initiated from themselves.I know I have many interpret ions of this theme,some not so successful ,some more successful.....

For the lostFor those who never win........never feel,never find.....For those failed....and disturbed.......lost and forgotten ....Forever rejected........forever blind......forever in darkness...For those who pray....But noone hear their prayers....For those who never realize...never understand...unable to see who they are...For those who life has only one side - Dark one....Only one stairs,those which lead down,always down....forever down.....

Thursday, December 22, 2011

Well,I now in Holiday.More then a week rest.Hopefully i will get some more time doing some Artworks.Last months was quite limited from art point of view. As my regular job is something I love as much as I love doing art,its quite difficult to share the time.
In some obvious reason last months I get more and more unsatisfied by my final artworks I made some decisions regarding the process how I work.I have decided to spend not less then 24 hours on an image.This because when i look back i see my works somehow unfinished and half way done.I don,t know way...its always a process I think. Its now seems to me endless,cause i usually spend not more the 3 or 4 hours on a single image.

Otherwise I always find some time to look and appreciate what other artists do and its real great people out there.I do appreciate all kind of art from Photography to Painting ,from all time.

Monday, November 7, 2011

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Recently I have posted on this blog ,only images from my flickr photostream.Actually I did,t write.

Its a long story why I didn,t write. I even can,t remember the last blog post I have write something.

Even I have find blog sharing vary exiting and in many ways private.

Now, when I really consider trying to get back to produce art images more intensely then last several months I am thinking to get back to writing / maybe more for my own clarifying my thoughts.

My last artwork B.E M.i.s.s.i.n.g .its exactly the way I felt last months.Whats life offers me was the challenge to feel myself like I do not exist. In an inner ,not obvious way.Well,after those period things get to a different direction, I am reborn.

Its hard to say if it was difficult period, one thing I know it was necessary. I had to lost in order to be free,as free as possible....Do you know what I mean? Of course if someone can really be Free.Freedom has some kind of a lie in itself.

Well, now listening one of the most inspiring sounds ever lustmord and thinking things over.

About Me

It is fascinating how art has been and continue to be one of the most important things in my life.It is always reveals to me a new understanding of the world - fantasy or reality.Imagery of our inner world at every point are so realistic and veracious,so emotional, that I hardy could resist not trying to represent it...And that is the main stream at my artworks - inner experience,soul,feelings,life of a our spirit. Humans can be very different outside,but inside we all experience same emotions,fears,dreams,desires,hopes....The beauty and ugliness of this world is not outside,but always inside us...so that is what I explore,that is what I try to catch and represent.
I use various techniques,but mostly photography combined with digital processing. I usually use selfportraits,in some cases I can work with models. In all situations the main purpose is to recreate the image I see in my mind as close as possible,bringing the emotion as intensive as possible.Of course it is not one image aim,but maybe a lifetime searching in an artist..So I maintain the intensity of my work by working everyday,formulating new ideas and shape them in new artworks.