Forbes has named Mexican telecom mogul Carlos Slim Helú (from here on out referred to affectionately as “Slim”) The Richest Man in the World. This is convenient for me, because I am going to Mexico next week, and am now hoping to befriend Slim.

Although Slim has been criticized for being a bajillionaire in a developing country where median income is around $15,000, look at this picture and tell me he doesn’t seem like a decent dude:

So what if he’s wearing a fishing vest and no shirt? Look how happy he’s making that deer!

[For the record, the only reason he’s surpassed Bill Gates as the World’s Richest Man, is that Gates has basically donated half his enormous fortune to African orphans or some shit. Pfft, loser.]

Alright, so he’s a billionaire who kicks it with Bill Clinton – why would he want to hang out with me?

The man digs baseball – and so do I! I may be jumping to conclusions here, but if the man is Mexican and enjoys America’s Pastime, then he must love the Dodgers. (UPDATE: Turns out he likes the Yankees, which happens to be my second-favorite MLB team. Close enough.)

If it looks like I went way out of my way to do research on the guy, it’s only because I’m trying to figure out where he owns homes, so that I can try and stage an accidental run in, in which I explain that I love the Dodgers Yankees in sloppy Spanish and ask him to teach me how to say things like “diminishing marginal cost” in Spanish, and otherwise charm the guy so that he buys me and my friends drinks for the rest of the night. ¡Olé!

Unfortunately, he is apparently no Russian Oligarch, and only owns a modest home somewhere in Mexico City – which is not anywhere near where I am going. Turns out Mexico’s a big country.

I will keep my eyes open nonetheless. And so begins BILLIONAIRE WATCH 2011.