Wednesday, January 10, 2007

True Wife Confessions 145 pieces of unfolded laundry

Confession #1441

I broke all of my own rules when I agreed to meet you. You are too young for me, but there was something about you that I liked.

So when we ended up in a compromising position, I figured - why not. But stupid me. It wasn't me that you were with in your mind...it was THE ex-girlfriend. You weren't there with me at all. And now I surprised that my feelings are hurt. I shouldn't be. It was my own stupidity.

Confession #1442

I know that sometimes I complain about you not helping around thehouse while I am in an insane grad program...and it is true, I wouldcertainly retain more sanity if this were to happen. But you arewonderful in so many other ways. I know you work your behind off forus, and I love you and I appreciate you. I will try to tell you moreoften.

Confession #1443

When I do something you don't like, instead of asking me not to do it again, you have to bludgeon me with it. Over, and over, and over. I apologize once - not good enough. You have to keep at it until I feel 2 inches tall.

Way to go, prick. Feel better now?

Confession #1444

PLEASE!!!!! Close your mouth when you chew your gum!

Confession #1445

I love you. I love how we are putting so much more effort in this time. I know that sometimes I get SO frustrated with the things you do - but astime passes I realize that I should try to accept some of these thingsinstead of trying to change them. Those months apart was the absolute worsttime of my life, and I am so grateful that we were given a second shot atthis. I could never ask for a better friend than you, let's make is lastforever this time. I heart you.

Confession #1446

Even though I know it would turn out awfully, I still wish you'd findsome way to find me and beg for my forgiveness.

Confession #1447

I've decided that I have to find a way to hate you. It seems the only way that I can kill the urge to be with you.

Confession #1448

Budgeting money so I can go back into therapy is the kindest thing you have ever done.

Confession #1449

Our love is not conventional. When I met you, I knew that you were not like any other man that I had ever been with. Sure, you piss me off more than I thought humanly possible. Sure, I have been a lousy wife. But you still love me, still support me. You don't understand me, but that doesn't seem to bother you. How I got the winning husband ticket in the marriage lottery, I will never know - but I am grateful. You have my loyalty forever - even if I occasionally share my body with someone else.

Confession #1450

I resent you more than you'll ever know. To a degree I have told you what's in this letter, but lately as your mediocre status as a father and husband stumbles towards shitty, I feel it even more.

You know that finishing college has been a dream of mine. I made mistakes in my past that were no fault of yours, but this time, I blame you.When I started back at college 5 yearsa ago you were so jealous you couldn't see straight. We fought daily. At the time I qualified for a full Pell Grant and we only had to pay for my books. Still, you hated forking over even a dime towards my education. You reluctantly agreed, but not without fighting with me, adding guilt and complaining the whole time. Yah, you gave me the $300 for books, but I paid for it every step of the way. Do you remember that we very literally fought about it every time I had to go to class? Still, for 3 semesters I attended and maintained a 4.0 average while still raising our children pretty much solo. When it came time to reapply for the grant again, unfortunately, I qualified for less and you put a stop to my going. You refused to pay for any of it and you didn't want me applying for student loans either because that would just add more debt. I reluctantly (STUPIDLY) agreed. Since then, I've been a stay at home mom and have created a wonderful home and raised two of the most awesome kids. But school was never far from my mind and I've always been vocal about that. There came a time when I had to find work for money. Unfortunately, there aren't many job options in the town we live in and I worked retail for minimum wage. I don't mean to sound egotistical, but I am so much better than that. But beggars can't be choosers. Without a degree and with limited work experience I'm not worth much to the outside world.

It was always agreed that when our youngest started school full time I could go back to the university. He started this year, but financially, you said school wasn't an option for me--that I should wait a couple of more years. Isn't it funny that while you've told me this each time I brought up the issue of going back you've racked up over $10,000 in student loans. I hate you for it.

You have a career in the military. Yes, I know you've always wanted a degree, too, but you're set for life. You already have a great job that you've planned on putting the full 20 years in to. Even without a degree you're not going to have a problem in the world getting a job in the civilian market. Your career field and your training in the military alone will land you $70K+ a year jobs--we know this because you've already been offered several. But me? I have nothing. I am 32 years old with 46 hours of college under my belt. And it angers me to the point of absurdity to know that I could be done by now, with a career if only you'd had helped me out, if you'd been supportive or if you could have seen the long term investment in me. But you just couldn't let me earn my degree first. My wishes and dreams were put on the backburner indefinitely. You could have waited to go to school. You could have seen it in your heart for me and our family to let me go first. Goddammit, we qualified for aid. All we had to pay for was my books and childcare for 3 hours a day. That's it. But no. You with your 12 years in service just had to have your degree first. You have it now and it will sit on the shelf in its beautiful binder for the next 8 years doing nothing for you. My degree could have made a difference immediately. Perhaps we wouldn't have had to live off of credits sending us $30,000 in debt on top of car payments, a mortgage and all the rest. I could be contributing financially to our family's well being. No, we likely wouldn't be debt free because we've made some very bad decisions. We might still have financial problems, but it sure as hell wouldn't be this bad. And even if I weren't finished with school yet, I'd be damn close and that would be all the closer to helping aleviate the strain. As it is we've learned from our mistakes, but we're trying to rectify them on one income (and a shitty one at that..lets face it, no one joins the military to get rich).

The ironic thing is, we're now more in debt and more financially starved than we ever were before but on paper we make too much for me to qualify for a grant. I told you that back then, too. I told you that I needed to take advantage of the government aid while I could because it wouldn't last forever. As you made rank I knew the aid would decrease and sure enough it did. And now because of your student loans on top of all our other financial shit, you flat refuse my going to school once again because doing so would cripple our situation beyond recovery. Once again my dreams are squashed. They aren't giving many scholarships away to a non-minority suburbia mom in her 30's with a husband who makes betweeny $40-$50K a year. Even if I did get some financial aid, you've refused to charge books or give the okay to apply for loans.

I can't blame you for the screw ups I made years before I knew you. But I can blame you for hindering my scholastic progress when going was possible after we got married. And I do. Some might think I should have gone anyway, but the reality is this is a marriage--it's supposed to be a partnership--and the betterment of this family should be something we both want. I don't want to have fight for my education. I want your support. I don't want to have deal with the guilt and constant battles brought on by you because you think I'm hurting the family financially by going to school and racking up debt. Ummm, your student loans did what? You can't even use your fucking degree for another 8 years!!!!!!!!

I am hurt by you. I am angry and I am not sure I will ever get over the resentment. Unfortunately, resentment doesn't do a thing for debt so I've gone back to applying for shitty retail jobs to at least help us with the extras. It is beyond any sort of rationale to me that a person who wants to go to school so badly can't because of finances. And an asshole husband.

This is for #1450: Couldn't your husband have gotten a degree on the military's dime and gotten promoted for it too? Whether or not my assumption is true, your husband is an ass for putting his pride before your education and your chance at helping the family. I'm sorry I have no advice for you.

Here's a story from my personal experience that I hope helps you. I know what cards you've been dealt aren't good ones. However, life CAN work out if you have faith. The only path to a good job is not necesarily a traditional path.

Here's my story: I had a crappy service industry job, but I had a great attitude.

My prayer was, "God, if this is what you want me to do for the rest of my life, fine. I'm the mother of 3 kids with only a h.s. diploma, and I know I don't have a lot of options. But I'll do it. Cheerfully. And I'll be the best waitress out there." And I was. I became a staff trainer, and had my pick of shifts, stations, etc.

Guess what happened? One of my regular customers liked me. She, too, had only a h.s. diploma, and had clawed her way to the top by working hard. She needed an assistant. She liked my energy, my dedication, my personality. She asked me if I wanted to come work for her as her personal assistant, doing payroll and accounting work.

I was clear with her about my lack of education and limited computer skills. She was okay with that. She said, "If you find a quality person to do a job, you can train them. I'd much rather hire a good person who is untrained than a jerk who has a great degree."

So, she sent me to school to learn the programs I needed on the job. There were several (free) credit hours involved, and I got paid to attend the classes.

To make a long story a tad shorter, I have been with this company for 9 years. I now make more than my husband. I have great benefits. I have changed positions within the company and now have my own (beautiful) office with two picture windows overlooking the town I work in. I love my job, (most of the time ;))and every day I thank God for it. My youngest son, who was 9 months old when I got this job, doesn't ever remember mommy being a waitress. I could leave this company tomorrow and find employment anywhere, because of my years of experience.

You have self confidence! You believe in yourself. Tap in to that! Don't look at those retail jobs as "beneath you!" Look at them as a potential stepping stone!

#1443: I feel your pain. My husband is the same way :(. And he will keep bringing things up weeks later too. He holds grudges and remembers wrongdoings more than anyone I know :(. Well, except his mother.

To #1441: I just went through this too. He was too young and we went too far and then he went to someone else. I thought I wouldn't be hurt, but you know what, I was and still am. I liked him more than I had planned.

To everyone who is judging and condemning #1449 and others like her. Please, please stop. You never know what someone else's life is like. You never know the whole story. And sometimes you find yourself in a place you'd never thought you'd be. You can let it tear you up and tear your marriage or your relationship apart or you can make a choice and live with it and deal with it in your own heart and your own conscience. We have no right to judge other women. There are far, far worse things in this life than physical infidelity. It can work and it can be the right choice....for you (and only you know that)....if you don't rub anyone's nose in it or make a fool of anyone else. I know. I found myself in this same position after being with one man for 20 years. I never thought it would happen but it did.

Am I proud of what I'm doing? No but I don't beat myself up over it either. And I certainly don't need other people to beat me up in a place that should be safe.

I'm 1449 - and frankly, I don't care what any of you think about me. So call me whore, slut, tramp blah, blah, blah.

5:32, you hit it on the nose. Was this what I dreamed of on my wedding day? No. Did I come to the realization that I could stay with a man that I loved - but was not attracted too - and make outside arrangements to meet my needs? Yep.

A marriage is more than sex - but I am young enough to know that I also need sex, I deserve sex.

So I don't need to elaborate. It is what it is. Like 5:32, this should be a safe place - Isn't that what the FAQ says?

I can understand the positioning of 1449 as well. In a marriage or any relationship for that matter at some point you will find yourself less sometimes not even attracted to your partner it is the sexual death bed every human being matures sexually at a different rate often times lovers are at the same level when they fall in love and years down the line they still have the loving connection but no longer have the physical attraction and need a "jump start" who are we to condem for giving your body what it needs?

1449 again - I never professed to be morally superior, nor am I justifying it. I am simply saying that it is what it is. I have to live with the decision, and it isn't one that I made easily or quickly.

It is, simply, a confession. I can (and do)love my husband in every other way. I do not intend to leave him, nor do I want nor expect my lover to leave his wife and family.

This isn't about trying to leave my current relationship ( which is what many women are seeking in external affairs). I just need more than my husband can or wants to give, sexually.

I am not seeking your approval or looking for sympathy. I am saying what is my experience at this point in my life.

What's to understand. She's a horny bitch who broke her marriage vows. Period. I've been married for 15 years and yah, I can understand not always being attracted to my husband. But it's not an excuse to go outside of my marriage for sex. It is women like you that give women the bad rep that they have.

I can understand people being vicious to women who brag about their infidelity, but I cannot understand attacks on someone who never boasted about it. Personally, I doubt I would ever be unfaithful, but we're all human. We all make choices that others are not going to agree with, that we may not agree with outselves, but YOU are not this woman. You cannot judge a person whose shoes you have never stood in.

And to 1450: Marriages are partnerships. If he cannot see the benefit of your having a college degree, he's a fool. Keep at it, you deserve an education.

In lieu of it being "DELURKING" week (or so I've heard, over in blog land) You are supposed to comment on blogs you read all the time but never say anything. I have never commented, so, I wanted to take the time and let you know even though I don't comment, I READ you all the time, and LOVE THIS BLOG! so, um, thanks.

It takes willpower and mindpower and true love to make a marriage work and to stay with that one person. All this isn't about being judged. It's about the principle of it all. What a bunch of true bull shit. Especially that little ditty about loyalty and sharing her body. You are a cheater hon. Justifying it with all the bullshit you can muster. We see right thru it. Shame on you!

I am confused. If your decision to cheat is the right choice...and you are sooo sure of this...why is it you are "not proud of what you are doing."? Maybe you should reconsider how right this decision is if you are so ashamed of it.

In honour (I'm Canadian) of delurking week I have to say....#1449None of us know what truly is going on in your relationship with your husband, therefore we can only speak based on what you have posted. I hope you eventually find what truly makes you happy.

Otherwise I have posted on this website before and I check in daily. I thought it was a place to post thoughts you wouldn't say out loud and without judgement, but by the comments made against #1449, it's no longer that kind of site.

Everyone makes their own decisions based ontheir situation and for others to judge based on a pargraph or two posted is wrong.

I'm not perfect. neither is my life, but I thought this was somewhere I could go for vents....not criticism.

In honour (I'm Canadian) of delurking week I have to say....#1449None of us know what truly is going on in your relationship with your husband, therefore we can only speak based on what you have posted. I hope you eventually find what truly makes you happy.

Otherwise I have posted on this website before and I check in daily. I thought it was a place to post thoughts you wouldn't say out loud and without judgement, but by the comments made against #1449, it's no longer that kind of site.

Everyone makes their own decisions based ontheir situation and for others to judge based on a pargraph or two posted is wrong.

I'm not perfect. neither is my life, but I thought this was somewhere I could go for vents....not criticism.

All those judgments against 1449 reek of insecurity and juvenility. That name-calling is no better than the shit men send to the moderator (and which she occasionally posts). Why not spare the rest of us all your defensive personal fears and antagonisms for the issues of perfect strangers? Skip the stuff you don't like and keep your venom to yourselves.

but i still find her/your statement to be a contradiction by definition. a synonym for loyalty is fidelity. um, HELLO?!?! sharing your body with someone else is NOT loyalty or fidelity. so what the fuck is she/are you talking about?

i don't get that. and i feel like maybe her/your husband wouldn't/doesn't either. that is messed up to follow your statment of eternal loyalty with THAT.

i don't know what vows you made to each other at your wedding. maybe that was included in there. but the way you wrote it... it doesn't sound like it.

Wow, women can be brutal to each other. I have never cheated but I don't feel like I have any authority to call 1449 a whore. I'm also not a christian but the part of the bible that talks about throwing stones transcends religion. The women here throwing stones are only doing so because it makes them feel powerful to knock somebody else down. 8:21 spoke of cheating and how it gives women a bad rep., well so does viciousness and name calling. Maybe you ladies (and I use that term loosely) should grow up a little and try to act like adults. You can disagree but why debase yourselves by being foul?

12:52 & 2:08 here,Oh but you did say that I would feel differently if she came after MY husband. Well, it would be a futile effort on her part- that was my point. While I don't condone infidelity and certainly not with a married man, I'm not going to rank her down on TWC. I may and do disagree with her actions, but I don't feel the need to start name calling. Although those comments may be anonymous, that kind of behavior speaks volumes to one's character.

I completely understand what you are going through. I don't know what branch of service your husband is in, but I know the USAF now pays part of the educational expense for spouses of active military people. Go to your husbands education office and see if there are any programs to help spouses. It won't pay for all of it, but it might help offset what you can't get in a grant. And as a Vet myself...I hate to be on his side even a little, but he needs that degree to get rank and retire. After a certain point, if he doesn't have a degree, they won't promote him and he certainly won't become a Senior. Good luck to you... I hope you can find some way to get back to school.

#1449, there is no right way to do a wrong thing. Justify all you want, whine and cry that we just don't understand and how dare we judge you. Boo fucking hoo. You're still a whore and it's still wrong. Enjoy your karma.

1450: "I worked retail for minimum wage. I don't mean to sound egotistical, but I am so much better than that."

How dare you. How *dare* you. For you to say that you are "better than that" says to me that you're one step away from thinking that you're better than the people who continue to work those exhausting, demoralizing jobs because they don't have a husband who makes 38-50K a year so they can't be a stay-at-home suburban mom.

You did not say "I can do more than that." You did not say "I want to get an education so I don't have to kill myself working for minimum wage." You said "I'm better than that." And that is a slap in my face and the face of anyone who's ever busted their ass to do a good job for lousy pay.

If you ever do get an education, I bet ten bucks you will flaunt it in front of people who are too low on the totem pole to fight back. "Better than that." My God.

First question. So for those who were bashing 1449...how many of you are men? Second queston. Did any of you that posted a comment read the very first line of her confession? "Our love is not conventional." Did any of you think that maybe they have an "open" marriage? LMAO @ all you people who had negative comments for her. I'm sure you all are "saints" right? LMAO. Remember....JUDGE NOT, LEST YE BE JUDGED.

There is alos the possability of him being impotient or not having one at all you don't know the whole story and even if you did you would never have the right to judge.. 1242 you rock thank you for supporting my point :)

I wouldn't defend ANYONE'S cheating- it is gross. But I wouldn't get high and mighty and start with the name calling, either. When you come here and start calling women whore and homewrecker it doesn't do anything other than make YOU look immature and hateful- and that's gross too.

Come on guys.....gross? Not by definition. How about......dispicable. Or weak hearted? How about philandering? Either way when you enter into a relationship with someone you know is married and pursue this person and play on their weaknesses and the trouble in their marriage, you are a homewrecker. Male or female...doesn't matter. Don't preach to me lady. She shouldn't be married if she wants to whore around. Period!

To 1256 : Who says I condoned anything? And shame on YOU for judging and jumping to conclusions with my comment and 1449. I have never cheated and never will, but I am in NO authority to judge how someone else wants to live their life. Don't take the "high road" and act like you're a saint b/c honey, no one alive is a saint unless you're the Pope or Mother Theresa.

LOL, some of you women on here posting negative comments about others lifestyles amaze me. You are in no position to judge what others do with their lives and how they live it. It's a confession blog, a place to let women (good or bad) tell their deepest, darkest secrets and some of you have the gall to JUDGE others. Yes, she (being #1449) may have karma bite her in the butt or have to answer to a higher being one day, but how does that affect YOU? It doesn't. Lay off of her and focus on how you live YOUR life. Some of you (12:56pm and 4:00pm) remind me of highschool girls treating others like shit and acting holier than thou. Get a grip & quit with the name calling.

That's great 4:27, if it were true of high school girls. Why would they be discussing infidelity in this sense? Quit trying to be be the big mature voice of reason. I guess what I'm trying to say is for you to fuck off! Hee, hee, hee......

i wonder how many of the holier than thou how DARE you defend infedelity anonymous commenters have either been cheated on or suspect they are being cheated on... i cant think of any other reason for them to be so viciously self righteous

i wonder how many of the holier than thou how DARE you defend infedelity anonymous commenters have either been cheated on or suspect they are being cheated on... i cant think of any other reason for them to be so viciously self righteous

1:02, I think everyone is better than some crap retail job. No one says to themselves, "Wow, this is one AMAZING minimum wage retail job". And I doubt that anyone working retail thinks that they cannot do anything else. Don't get so uppity over it. Retail sucks. Anyone who actually worked retail knows it sucks and knows they're better than that.

1:02 here. I've worked retail. Hell, I've worked fast food. I didn't sit around saying waaaaah I'm better than this. I busted my ass, earned my money, kept my eyes on the horizon, got out, and got myself an education so I wouldn't have to do those horrible hard jobs any more.

I didn't sit around in my suburban house saying "I'm better than this."

10:36....unfortunately a lot of women have been cheated on and it is a heart wrenching pain that could have been avoided if it weren't for scumbag men and homewrecking whores....so if we want to call them what they are, well hell we've earned it.

i find it interesting that many comments seem to blame the woman who "goes after her husband" for her husbands infidelity. why does he have no responsibility? just because a woman goes after him doesn't mean he has to cave into her. does he not have any free will of his own? if he cared about the marriage, don't you think he would turn down these "homewrecking whores"? sounds to me like a lot of these commenters are bitter because their husbands cheated and for some reason they place all the blame on his mistress. sorry gals, but your husband is to blame, too, maybe even more than these "homewreckers."

You know, sometimes everyone needs a little understanding, and a little empathy. Those of you who disagree with these confessions, who are you to deny someone that? This site is not about your own moral views. Relax, and if you don't understand, can't understand or won't understand...then don't talk about it.

Sadly, I think I understand why the husbands/boyfriends of these name calling, stone-throwing commentors cheated on them. If I had to live with their judgmentalness, lack of charity, and frigid morality, I'd probably cheat on them too.

Fridgid morality? WTF is that? Oh, because some of us actually take our marriage vows seriously, we have fridgid morality? Screw you hon. It's the morals of the "you have my loyalty forever, even if I occasionally share my body," people who have made this world an immoral place. I for one will not be quiet about my distaste for infidelity. Shame on you who defend it. I think I will call anybody any name I want to and nobody can stop me. Neener, neener, neeeeener.

I'd like to respond to #1449 with one small question. But what about your husband? If it was me, I wouldn't say, "ah, she's a great wife. I can overlook her continued acts of infidelity". It's about a trust that you've broken. It's the deceit that is what everyone, including me, is reacting to. I really find it hard to believe there are so many people defending your actions. Can you (and your defenders) put themselves in your spouses shoes? How would you feel if you found out that you were being cheated on? Would it feel better to know it's just sex? Would you ask your spouse to quit cheating on you? And if so, why? If it's okay to get your needs fulfilled with someone else, then it might as well be right out in the open. Shouldn't it?

the simple fact that people are coming to the aid of #1449 makes me wonder what's happening to us as people.

sure you can say, hey she's a woman who knows what she wants, so she goes out and gets it....but what about the husband who, according to her, has been AMAZING!

Life is more than just living it for yourself, people. Hopefully someday, you'll all get a chance to think past YOURSELF for one fucking second and try to do something positive for someone...maybe we could start by not humping other people.

#1449: Infidelity for whatsoever reason is immoral. If you want sex outside your marriage, get out of the marriage first.

Defenders of #1449: Infidelity doesn't know gender, whether the man cheated or the woman doesn't really change cheating. Both are wrong and both should be judged for that wrong. Not saying I am perfect but there are degrees of perfection and imperfection and infidelity is 100% imperfect.