Right There – for Emilie (poem)

I laid on the floor for a long time today
Watching the clouds silently change shape in the sky outside
The wind moving tree branches with soft young first buds
You have died today
And I turn my head so slowly feeling every nuance of movement
And there you are

I let out the most quiet sound from my mouth in the longest exhale
Listening to all the changes in pitch, frequency, tone
And you are there

You will always be right here
In every movement
The way I touch the changes in my breath with so much sensitivity
All I can say right now is thank you

I light the sweetest sandalwood incense for you
The smell is intoxicating
My spine spirals and tears flow down my cheeks

The choir of birds start to sing their copulating springtime song
Eros is alive in nature
And you are right there

I watch the smoke from the incense
In it’s swirling dance
The soft tissues in my shoulders join in
And you too join in wherever you are right now

I can feel you in the dancing smoke
In the dancing of my shoulders
Right there

Later…I sit at the table and hear the rain falling against the house
Dripping down the sides into the ground…no hesitations
The falling, the richness of the sound, so wet, dark, sensual
It just falls… As did you
Accepting this passage with interest, curiosity and the grace only you could do

My chest heaves heavy loads of grief, of longing, belonging
In each moment the open place of paying attention
To foster, to follow

To continue on and on and on
You now live on everywhere
In everyone whom you have touched and torched with your love
The mystery … Offering yourself as potent space for all to feed and learn
My gratitude rests in my spread and continued explorations
The sound and the deep heart of this work

I will never see you again in the way I have
Or hear your voice
Yet, I rejoice knowing I can meet you anywhere
Anytime…in the soft curves of every wave in my body