Oh Joy Sex Toy: Meeting the Family

I've been producing webcomics since I was 15 and doing it full-time as a professional since the age of 25 at Periscope Studio in Portland, OR. My work has been published by Dark Horse Comics, BOOM! Studios, Image Comics, Fantagraphics, Last Gasp and Villard, among my many self-published projects as well.

Intrepid artist Erika Moen reports on a different aspect of sex each week in Oh Joy Sex Toy. This week gets a little sweet as she details going home for the holidays.

Here is a text transcription of the comic to make it more accessible for people using screen readers. Transcription by Morgan Kelly.

Erika introduces this comic, “Ahhh, it’s winter time, Dearest Perverts! You know what THAT means… Snuggling with you sweetie on cold days... Buying each other sexy presents… and bringing your honey home to meet your family for the first time.” Two people are depicted cuddling, opening presents, and then meeting their partner’s parent. The person says “Nice to meet you” but is thinking, “I’m nailing your daughter.” The parent says “Likewise” but is thinking, “You’re nailing my daughter.”

Erika continues, “Introducing your parents to you new sex partner can be fraught with awkwardness and even hostility. So for all you perverts who are about to embark on this delicate rite of passage, in solidarity I share my own story about the time Matthew met my family…”

Erika explains, “Matthew and I met when I visited England in the spring of 2005.” Erika was then 21 years old and Matthew was 19 years old, they had an eight hour time difference between the United States and England. “He was supposed to be my one time European fling, but we liked each other a lot… Unintentionally we wound up in a long distance relationship. Here’s the thing about being college students in an international long distance relationship: You literally have NO idea when you’ll get to see each other again. Each visit may be your last. By splitting the cost of a ticket, we could afford to fly Matt out to spend the ’05 winter break with me in the states. We road tripped from my college in Southern California up the coast… visiting my friends in LA, San Francisco, and Portland along the way to my hometown of Seattle where we would be celebrating Christmas with… -dun dun duuuuun- …MY FAMILY.”

Erika says, “Growing up, my mom made no secret of her beliefs.” Erika’s mom yells, “Don’t dress like a slut! No sex until marriage! Your virginity is a gift you give your husband!” Erika continues, “So I booked Matthew and me a room in a local youth hostel for our Seattle stay.”

Erika’s mom responds on the telephone outraged, “WHAT? But it’s Christmas! You HAVE to stay with your family!” Erika says, “It’s really, really important that we sleep in the same room. That’s the only way I’ll stay at the house. I promise we won’t fool around if you let us stay at home…” Erika’s mom replies, “NO UNMARRIED COUPLES WILL SLEEP TOGETHER UNDER MY ROOF.” Erika says, “Which is why I reserved a room at a hostel.” Erika’s mom responds again, “But it’s CHRISTMAS! You HAVE to stay here!”

Erika continues, “We went back and forth like this for a few weeks, until the night before we arrived in Seattle…” Erika’s mom is on the telephone and says, “Erika… This is… Very difficult for me to say. I… I… can’t bring myself to say the words. Even though it makes me very uncomfortable… But I think you know what I mean when I say… You and Matthew are both welcome to stay here. Together. I hope you understand what I mean.” Erika replies, “Aw, thank you mom. That means a lot. I’ll cancel my reservation.”

Erika continues, “After a full day of driving, we arrived at my childhood home.” Erika introduces Matthew to her parents and they go on a tour of the house. Erika’s mom says, “This is the living room… This is Erika’s room… And downstairs I’ve prepared a bed for you, Matthew…” Erika jumps in, “Wait, what? You said we could sleep in the same room! That’s the only reason I agreed to stay here!” Erika’s mom shrugs and says, “I never SAID that…”

Erika continues, “Eventually, a compromise was reached.” Erika’s mom explains, “Ok. You can sleep together in the rec room (no closing door)… in SEPARATE sleeping bags... (NO zipping the bags together to make one big sleeping bag!!)… with your brother sleeping on the floor.” Erika looks exhausted as she says, “Fine. It’s late. I’ve been driving all day, let’s just do this.”

Erika continues, “We all settled in for the night…” Erika’s brother asks if Erika and Matthew want to watch South Park, Erika’s mom says, “I wanna watch it too. Scoot over.” Erika’s mom climbs to the center of the sofa, in between Matthew and Erika. Erika asks, “Uh… mom, don’t you hate South Park?” Erika’s mom replies, “It’s uh, it’s ok. I like it fine.” One minute later, Erika’s mom is pretending to be asleep between Erika and Matthew on their bed.

Erika continues, “I waited till the show had ended and then…” Erika nudges her mom, who is still pretending to be asleep, “…Mom. Hey, hey mom. Wake up. You… You can’t sleep here. You can’t spend the night in between Matt and me.” Erika’s mom explodes in outrage, yelling indistinguishably. “My dad was so mortified by my mom’s behavior that he offered to take us to a hotel for the night.”

Erika says, “And thaaaaaaaaat’s how Matthew met my family! Good luck to everyone meeting their partner’s family for the first time.” Matthew adds, “Our thoughts are with you.” Erika is now 30 years old and Matthew is 28 years old. Erika winks and says to Matthew, “I can’t believe you married me after all that.” Matthew raises his eyebrows and says, “WORTH IT.” A decorative banner reads, “Happy Holidays from Oh Joy, Sex Toy.”

I can relate...

This was my mother's reaction when she found out I was staying over at my (now husband's mother's house)-- in the same bed.
I never brought him home, because I knew he would have to stay on the couch-- and I'm pretty sure, my mother would still make us sleep in separate beds even though we're married.

Love

Casey0222 replied on Tue, 12/24/2013 - 11:05am

I love this! The irony (is it Alanis irony or the real kind, I never can tell) is they spend all your unmarried years trying to keep you from having sex and the second you get married they basically want you having sex all the time (any grandbabies yet? how about now? now? now?) . A couple of years ago my parents actually let 2 sets of unmarried couples share a bed!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The world did not end, nor did the house explode, who knew? (not at the same time, that would have made something explode if only mom's head)

Oh boy, I can relate to this

Kitty replied on Tue, 12/24/2013 - 11:38am

Oh boy, I can relate to this so much right now. My boyfriend (also two years younger) will be coming to stay with my family beginning the day after Christmas. He and I moved in together about a month ago after over a year of dating, and my family is less than thrilled. My mom cannot understand why I don't want my boyfriend banished to the pull-out couch in the (no privacy) living room! Glad to know I'm not the only one with weirdo parents.

Ungrateful brats, you really

Or turning it on its head,

Raz replied on Tue, 12/24/2013 - 6:00pm

Or turning it on its head, why can't the parents respect that their ADULT children are you know...ADULTS? If I was staying at a hotel and they demanded that my partner and I sleep in different rooms I'd be out of there so fast there'd be a sonic boom. I would expect that people who allegedly love me are gonna give me the minimum level of respect that I'd expect from a random person I'm paying for the privelege.

That was my thought too. Poor

It would be one thing if they

It would be one thing if they had asked to stay there, but they had other arrangements for lodging and her mother was being completely manipulative and disrespectful. It's not about not fooling around. LDRs are hard work and even just having nonsexual physical contact (cuddling in bed) can make putting up with holiday drama worth it.

lolz

Olivia replied on Sun, 05/11/2014 - 2:57pm

My parents went through something similar with my dad's family... only it was after they were married. It was never much of a secret that they didn't like my mother (she was Catholic!), and when the newlyweds visited over Labor Day weekend, they were met with twin beds.
Mom didn't visit again for 20 years.