Chinese officals say the Great Wall of China has grown thanks to Chinese deities, and not the 'volunteers' seen here lugging bricks from end to end.

BEIJING, China- The Great Wall of China, the primary defence of the nation since the Ming dynasty, has grown in size in recent weeks according to Chinese government reports. A two-week mapping study has discovered that the wall has materialised further, and is 8,850km long, not 5,000km as it was just a few fortnights ago.

"This is incredible" said Qin Shi Huang, a man who lives directly inside one of the series of walls, "Great China still great, wall keep out Stalinists from north." Moments after I spoke to Huang, several suspicious men approached him to ask if he wanted to help the wall grow further, of which he gave an impassioned, positive response. Almost immediately, Huang was snatched away into a van which then speeded off.

The power behind the growth has been credited to the spirit of Chinesedragons that envelope the borders of China, and "not slaves. Nope" said representatives of the government, despite the number of 'volunteers' seen operating on the opposite ends of the wall. A day of celebrations is to be held across China tomorrow to recognise the power of the Mandarin dragon deities, which will follow immediately after the weekly beheadings of feudal landowners.