A man receives a phone call from his doctor.The doctor says, "I have some good news and some bad news."The man says, "OK, give me the good news first."The doctor says, "The good news is, you have 24 hours to live."The man replies, "Oh no! If that's the good news, then what's the bad news?"The doctor says, "The bad news is, I forgot to call you yesterday."

Neighbor

Teacher: What are some products of the West Indies? Student: I don't know. Teacher: Of course, you do. Where do you get sugar from? Student: We borrow it from our neighbor.

Student

Teacher: Did you father help your with your homework? Student: No, he did it all by himself

The teacher

Teacher: "Nick, what is the past participle of the verb to ring?" Nick: "What do you think it is, Sir?" Teacher: "I don't think, I KNOW!" Nick: "I don't think I know either, Sir!"

The leg

My friend said he knew a man with a wooden leg named Smith. So I asked him "What was the name of his other leg?"

Man said to God --- Why did you make women so beautiful? God said to man --- So that you will love them. Man said to God --- But why did you make them so dumb? God said to man --- So that they will love you.

Walk

The teacher to a student: Conjugate the verb "to walk" in simple present. The student: I walk. You walk .... The teacher interrupts him: Quicker please. The student: I run. You run ...

Teacher

Teacher: Why are you late? Student: There was a man who lost a hundred dollar bill. Teacher: That's nice. Were you helping him look for it? Student: No. I was standing on it.

If you don`t like me remember it's mind over matter..I don't mind and you don't matter..

Man said to God --- Why did you make women so beautiful? God said to man --- So that you will love them. Man said to God --- But why did you make them so dumb? God said to man --- So that they will love you."

Man said to God --- Why did you make women so beautiful? God said to man --- So that you will love them. Man said to God --- But why did you make them so dumb? God said to man --- So that they will love you."

cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeers

I also like this a lot

If you don`t like me remember it's mind over matter..I don't mind and you don't matter..

A father is explaining ethics to his son, who is about to go into business. "Suppose a woman comes in and orders a hundred dollars worth of material. You wrap it up, and you give it to her. She pays you with a $100 bill. But as she goes out the door you realize she’s given you two $100 bills. Now, here’s where the ethics come in: should you or should you not tell your partner?"