tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7092223141967556234.post1882815800701534502..comments2019-09-14T18:27:24.477-04:00Comments on The Beautiful Matters: I'm tired of being niceDeborah Montgomeryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04366855994841922862noreply@blogger.comBlogger21125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7092223141967556234.post-73873463358794092672018-11-17T22:00:36.709-05:002018-11-17T22:00:36.709-05:00Yes, please. Write this book. It would help so m...Yes, please. Write this book. It would help so many of us who are learning to say &quot;No&quot; to whatever does not fit our schedules or our needs or our time of life. If we don&#39;t learn to say &quot;no&quot;, then our bodies will say &quot;no&quot; for us, and it will not be pleasant. <br /><br />In my case, my body responded with Stage 3 Cancer. Providentially, a friend recommended the book, When the Body Says No, by Dr. Gabor Mate, MD. It became pivotal for me. Saying no is costly. It has cost me friends. Saying no demands the courage to walk away from the expectations of others, the burdens, the rudeness. They do not understand, they react, they reject you. Discomfort precedes comfort. <br /><br />It is not selfish to put your own needs first if you are facing a health crisis. It is the most loving and generous thing you can do. Self-care enables you better to care for others. Now I follow the joy. I pursue freedom. I seek wisdom. I value deep peace. I design my own unique schedule which, at this season of life, is all about regaining health and strength, conserving or recovering energy, and eliminating draining situations. It is not about following any one else&#39;s agenda or timeline, no matter how well meaning they might be.<br /><br />This is such a valuable discussion and I thank you for initiating it.<br /><br />Much joy to you,<br />Honey BeeHoney Beehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05646794111053028464noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7092223141967556234.post-7457334884793381992018-10-17T20:53:39.745-04:002018-10-17T20:53:39.745-04:00Absolutely, Marsha! Good points here!Absolutely, Marsha! Good points here!Desert Divahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15504007771252865625noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7092223141967556234.post-49091605764884707652018-10-01T13:08:29.989-04:002018-10-01T13:08:29.989-04:00Deborah, that is a great idea for a book. I too wa...Deborah, that is a great idea for a book. I too was a people pleaser and wanted to be proper and nice and helpful to everyone. That was also the way I was raised. You get hurt a lot being that vulnerable and it&#39;s not being fair to yourself. There will always be those who will try to take advantage of you. I like what Brenda said. We need to talk to God about it. Oftentimes, especially those in ministry, folks will tell you that God said this or God said that you should do this. I learned to listen to what God said. If He didn&#39;t tell me to do it, then I graciously declined. Now, many years later, and after much disappointment and tears, I know who I am better and I know better what my calling is in life. Great post, my friend! Hugs.Sandi@ Rose Chintz Cottagehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17415214311003251398noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7092223141967556234.post-49513914665448874792018-09-27T08:55:55.559-04:002018-09-27T08:55:55.559-04:00It was the way that girls were raised once upon a ...It was the way that girls were raised once upon a time. We are learning to undo that condition that did cause a lot of unhappiness. Write the book. Do you remember a book in the 1980&#39;s that was Don&#39;t Say Yes When You Want to Say No. I forget the author.Madame Là-bashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16703782237948233124noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7092223141967556234.post-83707334155960756472018-09-25T18:30:05.307-04:002018-09-25T18:30:05.307-04:00I would totally read that book, Deborah. I&#39;m a...I would totally read that book, Deborah. I&#39;m also a people pleaser so I can relate. I&#39;m always reluctant or feel embarrassed to say anything about unsatisfactory service or product. When I do speak up, I&#39;m apologetic because I don&#39;t want to offend the other person even though it&#39;s not my fault.<br /><br />I love how we have the same Gracie China black tea sets. I think I remember seeing yours in a past post.Margiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12216292186501923706noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7092223141967556234.post-88077830165786593302018-09-25T03:11:38.347-04:002018-09-25T03:11:38.347-04:00LOVE this! YES! This is a book topic that so man...LOVE this! YES! This is a book topic that so many of us girls can relate to. As you said, we were raised to be this way, and of course, none of us want to be rude, so we keep suppressing our creativity and feelings and just go along to get along. This is absolutely necessary in certain situations, but not always. God help us to have the discernment to distinguish between obedience and sacrifice. My family and I have been learning SO much about that lately, and it ties into what you are saying here. God does not always require the sacrifices other people demand of us, and it takes a lot of soul-searching and praying to figure out what HE requires and what others demand us to sacrifice. GREAT post! I enjoyed it so much and am so thankful I found this today. God bless you. :)Cherylhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01891257905649460436noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7092223141967556234.post-87274975116473248962018-09-24T09:04:43.351-04:002018-09-24T09:04:43.351-04:00Oh my, Deborah, but yes what a great idea for a bo...Oh my, Deborah, but yes what a great idea for a book!! I do like people to like me, but I have learned, and it&#39;s taken me awhile, to think before I say yes. It doesn&#39;t always work. I think a guideline book would be helpful...write it, please. kitty@ Kitty's Kozy Kitchenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02803962513834013589noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7092223141967556234.post-48617641440974019932018-09-23T19:52:51.332-04:002018-09-23T19:52:51.332-04:00A great post Deborah. Saying no is something I lea...A great post Deborah. Saying no is something I learned a few years ago. I&#39;ve learned to ask for time to consider requests - if I have to decide immediately on a commitment, then it&#39;s no. I need to consider my own strengths and schedule, as well as how the commitment would look in the long term.<br />A great idea for a book, perhaps targeted at younger women who need to learn this before they turn 60!Lorriehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03653026442945027184noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7092223141967556234.post-1151286515253206282018-09-23T17:24:01.854-04:002018-09-23T17:24:01.854-04:00Dearest Deborah,
Well, life teaches us when enough...Dearest Deborah,<br />Well, life teaches us when enough is enough.<br />After Pieter&#39;s open heart surgery in September of 2010 I have changed a lot.<br />Focusing on what is really important and putting my Pieter first all others.<br />Impossible to always be perfect and kind to all others. The more you do, the more they demand of you.<br />It is feeling really relieving to be yourself again and you surely will blossom once you reach that.<br />Sending you hugs,<br />MarietteMariette VandenMunckhof-Vedderhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16877699174880945452noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7092223141967556234.post-77170010512150752862018-09-23T16:58:17.792-04:002018-09-23T16:58:17.792-04:00It is a fantastic idea for a new book!!! I can so ...It is a fantastic idea for a new book!!! I can so relate. I was nice, because my world was not... and it was a way to establish some sort of equilibrium. It became the way that I related. And was very detrimental. I underwent 5 months of weekly healings to come to terms with my past. Now, I have boundaries. I actually am not so nice. Because I do not put up with some things anymore. But, and this is the important part: I am happier. I do it as nicely as I can, because... why not? But I am also firm. Swami Ratnamurti Saraswatihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16394162145351068087noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7092223141967556234.post-83888630166929326512018-09-22T18:55:56.726-04:002018-09-22T18:55:56.726-04:00A very interesting read and I do think you have a ...A very interesting read and I do think you have a point. Not sure I can totally identify but it made me think about the amount of sacrifices that we women tend to make. As a wife and mother I have ALWAYS put my children (now grandchildren) first; always made sure they had what they wanted/needed before thinking of myself. I&#39;m not complaining and I was glad to do it (for the most part), but now that I am older (and a little wiser) I have learned that it&#39;s OK to pamper yourself sometimes and to (occasionally) put yourself first. After all, everyone needs to love themselves and everyone needs to feel special sometimes. I&#39;m sure you could write an informative book...so go for it!CHERIhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16339717663308847703noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7092223141967556234.post-2320225403742558402018-09-22T12:03:25.567-04:002018-09-22T12:03:25.567-04:00The most difficult thing to me, at this point in o...The most difficult thing to me, at this point in our country, is to absolutely NOT understand WHY everything political, etc. is so divisive. Why is the media so fascinated to see our President fail. He&#39;s our President, like it or not. I don&#39;t turn on the 24/7 news any longer because I don&#39;t see the point of OPINIONS rather than news. My neighbors have OPINIONS and I would rather listen to their&#39;s. Saying no is very very difficult. If I don&#39;t want to do it I just say I already have plans and cannot make it. Then, I do not explain. Nothing further is said by me. No is, thank you, however, I cannot. I think we must help our citizens, especially our elderly, infirm and our military families, if we can. Volunteer. That&#39;s a really nice feeling ! Great reading this !!!<br />Marsha Splenderosahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06421992667097947469noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7092223141967556234.post-13066468980127362102018-09-21T21:58:51.096-04:002018-09-21T21:58:51.096-04:00Oh, that&#39;s a hard one! Easier said than done. ...Oh, that&#39;s a hard one! Easier said than done. Thankfully, I rarely face that problem anymore but if I do I will try to remember that very cool llama. Were you ever able to see his eyes? <br /><br />Of course I think the book idea is a good one! It would be very helpful. Dewenahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07330797553600987145noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7092223141967556234.post-84327299503095362372018-09-21T20:21:29.477-04:002018-09-21T20:21:29.477-04:00I feel that this a multi-faceted issue. Although I...I feel that this a multi-faceted issue. Although I am quite the independent woman whose motto has been &quot;No one bosses me around&quot;, there are still many times when my insecurities nearly swallow me up... I want everyone to like me and if I think I have offended someone, it bothers me terribly. I think we all have known people who say and do pretty much what they do without a care if they offend someone or not. I have nor do I ever see myself being a doormat but somewhere lies a happy medium. What a great subject for your book, Deb...can&#39;t wait to read it!Debby Rayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02499542865677173703noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7092223141967556234.post-50549081282352549172018-09-21T09:55:59.408-04:002018-09-21T09:55:59.408-04:00It&#39;s an excellent idea for a book! Sign me up...It&#39;s an excellent idea for a book! Sign me up for a copy. No rush, just when you&#39;re ready to write it...no pressure...just kidding... The Urban Farmer and I were discussing something along these lines one morning at breakfast. It is truly exhausting to &quot;make nice&quot;, particularly when you&#39;re around people you don&#39;t know very well or are not particularly fond of them. This is such a good idea for a book as many folks can relate to the topic. Donnahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10328333345401673320noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7092223141967556234.post-42746793495811511822018-09-21T09:45:48.915-04:002018-09-21T09:45:48.915-04:00Oh my--so thought-provoking. Yes, write the book--...Oh my--so thought-provoking. Yes, write the book--you have good insight. I think there is a fine balance here but if we are awake and realizing what we are doing as people pleasers, we can be bold, with God&#39;s help, to be more discerning with our lives. Thanks for a great post! podsohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14880888514207597761noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7092223141967556234.post-90623571749154112572018-09-21T08:34:41.999-04:002018-09-21T08:34:41.999-04:00This post has been read and re-read by me since yo...This post has been read and re-read by me since you posted. I like to be nice; I rarely succeed. My mouth gets me in more trouble. There is a balance to be struck and I seldom find it. So, yes, a book with quality suggestions would be great. My own suggestion is similar to what Brenda said...do not do one thing that The Lord did not make very plain to do. That simplifies things some. Veehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00618654361869856894noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7092223141967556234.post-16334887656428435032018-09-21T03:41:22.479-04:002018-09-21T03:41:22.479-04:00My daughters were always saying to me No is a sent...My daughters were always saying to me No is a sentence you don&#39;t have to explain. It took turning 60 for me to be ME. A wonderful topic for a book.mamasmercantilehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14011278973985658118noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7092223141967556234.post-61060382800647962892018-09-20T17:53:04.707-04:002018-09-20T17:53:04.707-04:00Go for it, Deborah!
The theme is also coined as &...Go for it, Deborah!<br /><br />The theme is also coined as &#39;don&#39;t rock the boat&#39;, &#39;what will the neighbours say&#39; and &#39;you&#39;ll be disappointing Jesus&#39;. I once took on a too-heavy load that I&#39;d been guilted into taking and when I found myself stumbling for the weight, I talked to Him about it. He showed me that He&#39;d never asked me to do that thing. It was a turning point for me. To pay attention to my own heart about what things to give my time and energy and money to.<br /><br />I agree, it&#39;s not about not being kind, compassionate, or generous in our lives. It&#39;s about knowing what we&#39;re truly called or drawn towards, those things on our own hearts that we pour our lives into. Being able to say no with a smile and grace, with no explanations, and no guilt or shame. <br /><br />Wishing you glimpses of heaven in unexpected places...<br />Brenda xox<br /> Brenda @ Its A Beautiful Lifehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02955486477303938670noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7092223141967556234.post-56098789793377192562018-09-20T17:22:29.249-04:002018-09-20T17:22:29.249-04:00I agree with Diana; great post and it took time fo...I agree with Diana; great post and it took time for me to stop feeling guilty when I said no. I must admit that I have slipped again in the last few years and really must put my big girl shoes on again.Pieta Laker-Ratcliffhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14641383643509962593noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7092223141967556234.post-2831616611842376482018-09-20T15:04:50.451-04:002018-09-20T15:04:50.451-04:00Great idea. I learned this lesson sometime within...Great idea. I learned this lesson sometime within the last few years. I think it took turning 60 for me to STOP saying YES all the time. I said YES even to things I didn&#39;t want to do. I finally got tired of being a doormat...and I finally said NO- I&#39;m sorry- I CAN&#39;T! Talk about feeling guilty!?! I sure did- at least the first 10 times I said NO...and after that? Well, it got easier and easier and easier. I think it goes along with not being a people-pleaser.<br />Great post, Deborah! xo DianaNanaDianahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14298962791700019785noreply@blogger.com