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Thursday, October 30, 2008

Grandy has officially been off her liquid crack for about a week. Can I get a WOOT WOOT??

And there is only 2 days left until the end of 200th Post - Another Grandy-Ose Contest. If you haven't gotten your comment in, you won't have your name in the hat for winning either the gift card or the Entrecard Credits.

So...what the heck was Grandy thinking when she agreed to sign up for NaBloPoMo which stands for National Blog Posting Month. What this means to you readers, is Grandy will be posting EVERY DAY for the month of November.

::Thud::

What is that sound?

Why that is the sound of Grandy hitting her head on the wall. HARD.

Last year's NaBlo was a challenge but at the time I had only been blogging for a couple weeks. It introduced me to the likes of Mrs. G., Momisodes, Suzanne and Kelly O. Through them, I've bumped elbows with so many other glorious bloggers...and they told 2 friends...and so on...and so on...and so on.

So, who's up for a challenge?

Wanna come play? It's 30 days of sheer craziness bliss.

You too can get a cool little badge that looks like the new one just over there.

Can't see it? Look over there ------------------------------->>>>>>>>>

I do know that many of you have TONS going on, and it might be too much to post a new blog post every day.

Well I have been tagged for another meme. This one I can't put off any longer because we want to get the big push out there this month. (And no, I'm not talking about rock the effing vote. I'm SO DONE with political propaganda.)

On her site, Mariuca sited some important facts that women should know about breast cancer and awareness. Well, Grandy realizes that everyone is out there reminding women to check their breasts. Some blogs are out there reminding men to check their women's breasts, although I'm not sure they feel they need to be told. If you don't believe me, check out this link: Breast Exam and see the video. If my techie skills didn't suck so bad, I'd be able to put the video here for you.

So Grandy is going to make you aware of a few different things related to breast cancer...in her own Grandy style. Ready? OKAY! (Ugh...little bit of vomit...sounding like a high school cheerleader)

1. Have you seen staypositivegreetings.com? Kathy DiPofi Shelton is a breast cancer survivor who, like so many brave women with her, has decided to do her part to make a difference. What she has done is create an entire website that sells cards and gifts for women battling breast cancer. They have support cards, funny cards, and fun little gifts. She and her family then donate 10% of all sales to various cancer research sites. This woman chose to find laughter through her adversity...and for that, I raise my hat BOOBIES to her and her site.

2.Zazzle.Com sells some great T-Shirts. If you are a spirited cancer survivor, or want to raise awareness (and other things) in your own way, you must go check out this site. You can find TONS here. Let me show you a couple samples:

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Today you would be 75. What the hell would you look like? I know...you would look the same, with your bald spot scar growing a bit larger.

You never even looked 7o then. You were the strongest man I knew. Man were you fast. No matter how fast I dodged...you would catch me. DAMN!!

It's still hard to believe you are gone.

I want to remember these moments about you today, because although I didn't realize the significance at the time, I often look back on these and LAUGH OUT LOUD:

1) First speeding ticket - "stopped" in front of the house trying to make curfew. I actually never knew he was behind me until we went to get out of the car (yeah huh I swear!). You... in your pajamas... talking to the officer... making sure he gave me the ticket.

HA! I LOVE YOU!!

2) After spilling the whipping cream (at the age of 11) the following dialogue laid the foundation that I would always question...and never fear...authority.

You:Do you realize you just wasted $1.35 worth of whipping cream? (You were so cheap frugal).Me: ::walked into my room...grabbed $2.00 off my dresser...walked back...slapped the $$ on the kitchen table:: There! Keep the change!! ::running...to my room...did.not.make.it.::

OUCH! I LOVE YOU!!

3) You were the best day care around. So innovative. Who knew that in the days before those stand in place walkers, they only needed to look to you? What a brilliant idea to put one wheel of the walker in a pot. All he could do was walk in circles for hours.

OH! I LOVE YOU!!

Today would be your day. And we would have a big cake. With a big a$$ candle.

I would tell you a dirty joke... you would laugh until you snort...and Mom would give us the "look".

Friday, October 24, 2008

Grandy has been pre-posting for a little while, as she recovers and comes over to post something when the crack wears off she feels worthy to come before you readers.

While I have been checking in, and commenting like a fiend over here at Mariuca's place, I have been remiss in fully engaging with my own readers.

During my absence, I have been graciously awarded some lovely Bloggy Bling. I've also been tagged for a couple more meme's, and promise to get to those soon. But today, I'm feelin' all warm and fuzzy with some bloggy love bling and I'm here to share it with you all.

Brillante Weblog has been bestowed upon me by the lovely MP with her I'm Brillante but You Knew That. MP is the kid of blogger that makes you giggle. She's obsessed with all things American Idol, and pretty much with TV in general. Thank you, MP, for the tag.

Here are the rules:1. The winner can (and should, really) put the logo on his/her blog. - Done2. The winner must link to the person from whom they received their award. - Done3. The winner must nominate at least 7 other blogs for an award. - Seven?? Alright4. The winner must place links to those blogs on their own blog. - Getting to that....5. The winner must leave a message on the blogs of the people they’ve nominated. - SOON

I'm sharing this award with to:

1. Mariuca - Who has a knack for making her blog more of a community2. Katydidnot - Have secretly luv'd her blog for some time, and only recently braved comments on it.3. Pink Asparagus- Her Blog Action Day 2008 was AMAZING.4. Trav's Thoughts - Because I can never miss a recap of DWTS without him.5. wrekehavoc - She sometimes speaks to just me ya know? I don't know if she knows it, but yeah huh...it's just me.6. Wat da Wat - He is an amazing blogger, father, and bloggy friend.7. SHOUT - This lady will make you think...whether you want to or not.

How very cool of her to say these nice things about me:Functional SchmunctionalGrandy's blog is just fun. She's real and she's funny. Her semi-third-person writing style always makes me giggle, and reading her blog always puts a smile on my face.

Does Grandy really write in a semi-third-person? Kewl!!

Well this says I have to bestow this on 7 other blogs... Really? 7 More (trying not to sound lazy or ungrateful but I just lost the 7 I had linked this too and my technical obstacles are pissing me off). Here goes...In no particular order:

I'm absolutely floored and honored by the following award. It comes to me by way of The Natural State Hawg - ramblings from an Arkie. I was introduced to his spirited blog from another lovely Arkie, A Bumpy Path's Theresa Komor. Well, together with a team of other fellow Arkies, they have the All Arkie Army. I was selected with a couple of blogs I don't know, but can't wait to get to know.

Here's what this award means:Yes, those bloggers are hereby named honorary Captains of the All Arkie Army. Why? Because we like them and want to send over a small token of our appreciation for making the blogosphere a better place to be.

:::Awwww....Shucks:::

And finally...I received the following:

This was bestowed upon my by the lovely Mariuca who has more blogging generosity than most bloggers I know. Thank goodness there were no rules with this one, so I'm throwing this out there to every blog I've been commenting on lately. Let's face it, although I've not been smart enough to write a post, I've been following some of you pretty religiously.

You know who you are...you know I follow you...and I want you to know you are super!! I can't possibly name all of you who make a difference in my bloggy world. Please...Please take this award from me:

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

I tried to think of something monumental to commemorate the occasion, and even came to all of you for ideas with A Grandy-ose Contest.

You all did such a great job with your ideas. Although I will have to say, the thought of posting 200 things about Grandy frightened me. I can't think of 200 things about 10 people I know, much less 200 things about me, that would not force you to such an extreme point of boredom that you would not be lining up, single file, to jump off a bridge.

So, in an effort to save all your lives (hey, someone has to do it) I have opted against the 200 things about Grandy. Although Suzanne you did crack me up with the thought.

So, with 200 posts I thought it was time to see what type of blogger I actually am. I am not a monetized blogger. I'm not a political blogger. I'm not really a blogger with a theme. I just blog about whatever strikes Grandy...and whatever I think you might like.

Really...that head in the sand thing is SO GRANDY. I'm all over the map with what prompts me to write. I thought I could take this fun Blogthings quiz to see if they had any idea what type of blogger I am. I thought it was pretty accurate and here's what I found...

You Are a Life Blogger!

Your blog is the story of your life - a living diary.

If it happens, you blog it. And you make it as entertaining as possible.

You may be guilty of over-sharing a bit on your blog, but you can't help it.

I have decided to make a new (and sorta separate) contest for this one.

Here are the rules:

- 1 - Leave a comment here with what type of blogger you think you are AND tell me what the quiz says. You all have your own themes that you try to follow...share them with the readers here.- 2 - Tell me who your favorite blog is (and if you could please leave a link) and WHY!! Grandy is all about learning about her readers, and what it is they like in a blog.- 3 - All the comments will be thrown into a hat for random drawing for the winner.

Tell your friends... have them come comment...as the more comments I get the more the pot grows.

**I will start the winnings at 1000 EC Credits or a $25 Gift Certificate. I am so anxious to learn about all these other blogs and bloggers, if there are more than 50 original comments (no posting the same one twice) then the pot will escalate to 1500 EC Credits or a $50 Gift Certificate.

This contest will be open until...ummmm...Halloween. Yeah...that's a good day. It's completely random, but that's what Grandy is...random. I will close the contest on Halloween.

What this means is...yes...the WINNER of the first "A Grandy-ose Contest" is Momisodes. Sandy... Congratulations!!! Please email me for your prize of the iTunes card. If you would prefer the gift card in another way (Amazon, straight cash) let me know.

Friday, October 17, 2008

For the record these pics are the first two I took with my new camera beck in December of last year. So' I was still learning the whole focus thing, m'kay?

Now, the Grandy family has a wireless gate system. Those collars send off a beep that tells the docs when they get close to the perimeter on our property., in the event that they don't see the flags on the perimeter.

This invisible gate can sometimes be a bit problematic, when people go running by our property. They walk their dogs, or just walk each other, and usually my dogs ignore them. There is the occasional time, however, that the dog or the jogger will get my puppy excited and want to play. How does she communicate this? She barks.

Well quite often we are outside with the dogs when this happens, and either me or my son explain, We have the fence. Not to worry. She just wants to play. Don't worry, she can't get off the property.

Some of the responses have ranged quite differently.

Oh, it's alright. She's cute!! toOh good to know! She startled me for a moment.

On one occasion, however, Grandy heard her son out playing with the dogs as she was going to the restroom (there's a window in the bathroom on the side of the house where he was playing). Some b!tch actually cursed at my son, and threatened to call the cops and have the dogs taken... and put down. WTF?

UGH...My son was instantly in tears. I couldn't finish my "business" fast enough (and washing my hands) to run out there and hunt that b!tch down. Ty was so panicked, there was just no calming him down after that.

I got in the car and even drove. I couldn't find her. Oooohhh I was so angry!!

This morning, I'm outside letting my dogs do their thing, and a man walks by. I smile at him and he keeps walking. The "puppy" starts barking and runs to the end of the perimeter, which is a good 20 feet from the perimeter of the property.

This man, for whatever reason, starts yelling at me that I need to chain my dog up! He's a hazard and a danger. What? She barked twice to say, "let's play". I do my typical bs with, she's behind the invisible fence, it's alright.

That wasn't enough for him. He is still yelling at me and the DOG.

Oh, Grandy is walking real slow right now, hurts more when she's emotional, and was pissed. I started to explain further as I walked towards the edge of the property, and he just jogged away saying he would call the sheriff.

What?

Oh this man was so lucky he was jogging and Grandy could not. I'm afraid what this liquid crack-takin' girl would have done to him. All I can say is, the sheriffs would have been called alright.

Why is it when little yippy dogs bark, people are fine? It's not like Grandy's dogs are all that scary. Why are people so nasty??

I tell ya this...we take very good care of our dogs. Old boy is getting up there (he's 14). I don't know what we'll do when his time comes. To threaten to hurt someone's dog is like threatening their children.

We now have a global day that tells us something that common sense and decency should already be telling us.

Don't worry if you weren't prepared for this day, as they have provided a planning guide. For those that might need a refresher I might suggest Chapter 2, Handwashing with Soap: The Basics.

Now I get that there are some countries that maybe don't readily have the means to wash regularly. Along the same lines, in other places of the world, there are different social standards that maybe don't make this a priority, and I can certainly appreciate why spreading the word on the importance of washing hands (with soap) can be so helpful.

It is not to these countries and societies that I speak to. I'm all for promoting hand washing...with soap. And maybe it's just a Grandy thing.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

You all know that Grandy is not a big fan of daytime television. It sucks me in...sucks me dry...and spits me out.

With commercials like:

Have you been injured in an auto accident? Is your insurance company ripping you off?

Or Television shows like:

Is the entire neighborhood this baby's father?

Don't even get me started on reality shows:

Let's see what happens when we send this women's rights activist on a blind date with this red-neck from Kansas.

With programming like this, and having your a$$ planted in a chair, it's a bit difficult not to let it effect your mood.

Well there are some shows over at BBC America that make me feel so much better. The honesty, the freeness of the **Bleeps**, there is just something about these shows that instantly rev up my mood.

1) Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares - The host of Hell's Kitchen shows a more human, endearing side of himself as he blasts the restaurant staff and owners of places that need some serious help. Gordon Ramsay freely drops F-Bombs and calls them names. It's awesome to watch the ineptness as it unfolds. By the end of the episode, you find yourself rooting for these places that earlier wouldn't be fit to be open by the health inspector.

This show so rocks! I'm secretly growing a crush on this man.

2) You Are What You Eat - Gillian McKeith, a holistic nutritionist, helps people completely re-work their diets and introduces them to exercise with a no-holds-barred approach. This woman is BRUTAL and AWESOME. When she puts the people's food on the table showing what they consume in a week...OH MY!! Scandalous!! Have you thought of putting all the food you eat in a week on one table? It could be eye opening.

3) How Clean Is Your House? - This show ab-so-friggin'-lutely makes Grandy feel better about the state her house is in. These two ladies are absolute goddesses of clean. Did you know that you can use mayonnaise to remove stickers from furniture?

The scary part is they do show how much bacteria lives in the home with the occupant, and that gives me a bit of the heebie-jeebies.

For the record...this is not a picture of Grandy's kitchen. It has been close to this, but not this bad.

You know what else Grandy finds fascinating? Watching their news and their input on our elections. Boy can Grandy not WAIT until this campaign crap is over.

So tell me reader... Do you have a favorite show on the BBC? Have you ever seen a show on BBC?

Monday, October 13, 2008

Good ol' Mrs. G at Derfwad Manor has asked us to participate in a challenge. Someone asked her for a pictoral "day in the life of Mrs. G" and she has asked her readers to play along.

Well this "Mrs. G" thought you all wouldn't be overly stimulated if I showed you pics of what Grandy does all day. Really, her day is much more exciting when she's working. There would be a gazillion pics of all sorts of different activities showing why Grandy is so crazy at the end of a week.

But alas...that craziness is slowed down as I spend so much of my time on this:

Liquid Codeine... aka Liquid Crack... aka the reason I can go on living for the time being. See that plant in the background? I'm trying to keep it alive. But I'm not very good at this stuff. In fact... I suck.

It causes me to do so much of this:

But I do try to keep my mind engaged by challenging it with:

I'm rockin' the puzzle world, and my sisters and friends text me throughout the day to see how I'm doing. Gotta love unlimited texting... and then I don't have to talk to everyone.

And of course I can waste countless hours with this:

My Tivo is a wonderful thing. Look at the CSI's and Without a Trace episodes just sitting there... waiting for me... so I can fast forward through the commercials.

My afternoons are spent policing spending quality time with:

I tell ya, this kid cannot WAIT until I get my happy a$$ back to work because he's suffocating with all the smothering love he's feeling. Did you do your homework? How was school? What did you have for lunch? Who did you hang out with? Who keeps texting you? Little does he realize I ask these questions all the time, just not all in the same breath.

By the end of the day I find myself tired again. From what, I'm not exactly sure. But you can bet I am spending my evening like this:

Me...on my recliner...with my laptop... with a haze over me. Good grief! Is it possible to LOOK medicated? Sure it is. I'm doing it right here.

Saturday, October 11, 2008

Grandy didn't have a chance to post her "AWARENESS" feature for September. Oh sure, she sheepishly tried to throw something in last minute, but let's face it, she was under the weather and forced a weak attempt at raising awareness.

So...to make up for blowing chunks slacking in September, I'm going to pack in a double whammy for two very important issues. One effects us all, and the other effects more people than we even realize.You might all know that October is National Breast Cancer Awareness Month. How wonderful that I can't walk down the grocery store aisle without having pink stare me in the eye. I'm a personal fan of the color of pink and purple (it's one of the few girly things about me) but think of how far they have come in the past 20 years with their "Pass the Word" initiative.

All of this ties in with my pledge to Fight BACK!! as I indicated back in August. I had committed to raising awareness and doing MORE.

Many of you joined me in the pledge and took your own steps to do something and Fight BACK!! It's time for me to check in so...How's it going? I know some have quit smoking. Some have taken family members to treatment. Some even post the names of people who are suffering, or facing treatment or surgery, and ask for prayers from across the globe.

RIGHT ON!! You don't realize how one act can make a difference...but it does.

Now...for awareness in a different form. This one is near and very dear to my heart too. Hey, what can I say? My heart's big enough, so why not?

Many of you know that Grandy has suffered from Diabetes for many years now. It is a daily struggle to keep matters in check.

Well...November 14th, 2008 is World Diabetes Day. Manny Hernandez, of TuDiabetes.com, has started an initiative to help raise awareness for this event, which is designed to bring diabetes to the forefront for a day. With the petition at diabetesdoodle.com, they are hoping to get 20,000 signatures by the end of October.

To spread the word, and the awareness of Diabetes, there is a petition with Google to have them do a Doodle art for the day. We're asking you to click this link and sign the petition.

***SPECIAL NOTE*** When you sign the petition and click next, you may be taken to a donation page. The donation has nothing to do with diabetes and you can close out from that screen because your signature has been counted.

Thursday, October 9, 2008

I can't tell you how much I appreciate all the warmth and well wishes I've received lately from all you readers during this surgery and recovery.

I know I have been remiss in not posting much since I've been home, and I'm sorry. I have been having a heck of a time with the pain medication, and although I have peaked in on some of your blogs, I've even been afraid to comment in fear of sounding like an idiot.

So I'm currently home all day, still mushing my food, and not able to really go anywhere. Today's big adventure outing was going to Ty's school for parent teacher conferences.

While I struggle with focus, I thought I'd share what I'm doing with my time.

Sudoku - Usually I'm pretty good for the hard level, but I find that the easy is all I can handle right now. And when I finish one...I feel a little ok.

WordScram - This is kind of a fun puzzle game that gives you a bunch of letters and you try to make as many words as you can out of them. The bigger the words, the higher points you get. Right now, Grandy is lucky if she comes up with anything more than 4-letter words without adding an "s". And no, not those 4-letter words people. I don't swear as much in slow motion.

Naps - I try to as much as possible.

Tivo - I love my Tivo people because daytime television is CRAP! I don't do talk shows, I don't do soap operas, and you can only watch the news channels so much with political stuff and not slit your throat go stir crazy. So, it's the beginning of the TV season and so many programs are kicking off. TivoTivoTivo and I can watch them in between naps.

Monday, October 6, 2008

Yep, Grandy is home from the hospital. The hospital stay was a bit longer than I had anticipated (Grandy was hoping for out-patient as that was best case scenario). Oh well, I'm home now, on some serious meds that actually make me feel sick, and having a grandy ol' time. Get it? "grand-y ol' time"?

Ahhh nevermind.

I do have to share that yes...I did get the same crazy bitch nurse that I introduced you all to in Okay...THANK YOU!!. How is that possible? Just lucky I guess. She was "something" alright.

More importantly, I must share with you the menu.

The procedure I had done requires that my diet be limited to soft pureed foods for a little while. Alright, so Grandy can live on "Cream of Something Soup" for a little while.

What I did not expect was this for lunch:

Or this for dinner:

No flippin idea what these things are? Neither did I at first.

Lunch was tolerable as it was pureed chicken and pureed carrots. I could tolerate that because carrot juice isn't horrible but it was friggin' as close as it gets.

Dinner...oh what can I say about dinner? If you guessed canned cat food, you would be close. It was pureed pork and pureed peas. SERIOUSLY???

I did try a bite because I'm a dumbass trooper that way, and tried to pretend it was meat loaf. I had to call the crazy bitch nurse back in and say hell no.

She said, "But this is part of your diet. You have to eat soft things on Stage 3 foods." "Then drop be back to Stage 2 and bring me cream of anything soup," I snarled. "Okay...THANK YOU!!" she replied.

UGH!!

After that it was soup, cream of wheat, or yogurt. And it still is.

What I want to know is...was I wrong? I get the feeling the cook even cringed when he slapped that crap on the plate.

So, Grandy might have been a cranky patient this time around, but the reasons kept coming at me. Wait until I tell you about my roommate!!

Friday, October 3, 2008

Today, October 3, 2008, is the one year blogversary of Functional Shmunctional!

::Throwing ticker tape to the sound of trumpets::

I wasn't about to let my surgery interfere with the celebration. Wheel me up a chair, fill me full of pain meds, and pass the champagne!! And yes...for the record...I am pre-posting this so I have nothing to report specifically yet. I didn't want to miss out on this day. (For the record I'm probably sleeping today anyway...the day after is always such FUN!!)

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Amy Derby introduced me to a great new site where you can make these posters. Big Huge Labs (teehee she said "labs") lets you download your own picture (which I actually did take this one at the Donner Party Memorial site) and come up with your own saying.

Oh yeah...Grandy is going to have some fun with this site!!

You MUST go check this out. I've added it to my favorites already and will be posting here.