"What else to do [besides violence]? No one has taught us." ~ 8th grader, May 2010, reflecting on options for addressing conflict.

I have nothing new to teach the world. Truth and non-violence are as old as the hills. All I have done is to try experiments in both on as vast a scale as I could. ~ Mahatma Gandhi

About Restorative Practices in Schools

"Restorative Justice is not unstructured; but the structure is different from what we have learned to expect from our systems. Restorative Justice encourages us to be constantly present, attending to needs as they arise. It exercises our ability to be dynamic rather than static in our responses. It also creates a safe space for people to express themselves—their strengths, assets, responsibilities, and also, their vulnerability. As a result, it humanizes all those involved and promotes connection and healing." Restorative Justice, A Working Guide for our Schools, p.5

At our middle school in 2010, we held the circles in the classroom during class periods that I wasn't teaching, and ideally where lunch followed, in case we went over. Or we met in the principal's office (which I didn't like - for me, it was like swimming upstream to remember equality in there. I imagine students just as likely felt that way in a classroom, tho' this does seem more like a place that belongs to everyone. In one circle where lunch did not follow, the bell rang before we were really done and we hadn't planned for this! And we just ended - all of us so conditioned to follow the systemic signals - very jarring. And not as restorative an outcome, imho.

I have also experienced teacher disappointment after a circle (same one, where the bell "said" we were done). I really agree about patience and listening (LOVE how you listened to the teacher afterward!), and think I understand what you mean about empathy for the system.... My guide is to keep remembering the principles as the system is developed, and as I interact with everyone, including myself. I really do think that every community has it's unique way and finding it together is both in alignment with sharing power and could even be fun :) I think building in ongoing review about how things are going, plus learning opportunities is important. In my experience, there were a few times where we thought we were on the same page and weren't. Surprise time! Seems really important to have a place and time to address these experiences, too. We didn't set this up ahead of time, and I wish we had. Live and learn. Always seems to come back to the systems. And now I feel a circle story coming on...

In one of the circles that I like the most, we had made arrangements for someone to cover my class after lunch if we still weren't done. And we weren't, so we moved to another (also "cupboard-like") room. During our move - which was merely a minute to walk through another classroom where another class was assembling - one of the students that other class called one of the boys in our circle the very name that he had just been sharing about in the circle. So, it was very alive, and got even more alive, to say the least. And yet, we re-settled. And one of the other boys told a story about his own experience, which I didn't get at first, but could see it was meaningful to them, so I just stayed with it. And it was in that moment, in that little room, where some kind of connection was made, that moment where you can feel the understanding, and the shared experience, and responsibility, I think, and support, and it was like something just let go - and the boys started laughing, and then me, too. And I watched the one boy, who had been expressing the pain of being called this name for the past 3 years, as it turned out, just take a deep breath, and lean his head against the filing cabinet, and relax. I'll never forget it. And then as part of the action plan, they came up with a codeword - one word that would remind them of the story - to use to support each other after they left the room.

So, in our school was a bit messy, and creative, and surprising, and ever so powerful. The most important thing I've done is to back off on how I think it should be, and go with what is.

Even after all this time,the sun never says to the earth,"You owe me."Look what happens with a love like that.It lights the whole sky.Hafiz