Indra

25/02/2008 - 25/05/2008February 29th 2008I arrived at the monastery. My mother suggested I walk. Well she did seal my powers on my request. So I started from the bottom of the mountain until I reached the very tip. I admit I cheated from time to time because I had majority of my powers sealed, but not all. Hey, I said I would be a monk not a freaking forest survivor expert.

Iíve been here for only a day and itís so quiet that sometimes I feel as though Iím deaf. Now I know why the monks like to meditate near waterfalls or deep in the forest. The noises are soothing.

March 12th 2008So I had to do this fasting thing. They wanted me to starve myself into oblivion. Not true, Iím over exaggerating. But itís not like I can die by starvation. While I was delirious they shaved me bald! Yes, I know that my head needs to be shaved, but still, Iíd like to know what happened to my hair. Shaving your head in most Asian societies signify the liberation of karma from your past life. But seeing as I only lived one life and I would like karma to bite me in my ass, I would have insisted on keeping my hair.

Iím starved and bald; the Ethiopian look really suits me. Alright, that wasnít very becoming of a monk. So Iíll stop.

April 30th 2008I killed a cockroach today. The little bugger was flying around during dinner time; which isnít different from breakfast or lunch. The meals are simple servings of some rice with vegetables or fruits and some warm tea or cool water. Anyways, back to what I was sayingÖso the roach is flying around being disgusting and it lands on the table. So I took my sandal off and smashed the sucker.

An echoing of gasps sound throughout the place and everyoneís eyes are focused on my sandal. I pulled the sandal off the table and scraped the bug guts on the ground. It seemed even more so unusually quiet so I asked what was up and the elder shook his head at me and said all living things had the right to live and who was I to take away that right?

Well fu-dgeÖI forgot about that. So Iím not allowed to kill anythingÖI think I can do that. But I swear if I see a centipede or anything resembling it, bastard is meeting my sandal of death.

May 22nd 2008I wake up at the crack of dawn. Funny saying. Itís almost like Iím gaping at Suryaís ass. Right, couldnít pay me to do that. And I go to bed pretty late. This is all after I do my chores. And for people who donít have lives, they sure find manual labor to be fun. If we arenít building a garden in a day or a freaking Rome in a week, we are meditating.

They are sick. They expect me to sit under a waterfall to freeze my ass off, to learn concentration. The only thing Iím thinking is if my balls will be alright. Or they make me climb to the VERY top of a mountain. Looking down is freaking frightening to say the least. They want you to balance and the wind that high up blows pretty hard. If I wasnít immortal, Iíd have a few complaints to all their self-inflicted pain.

Moving onÖtoday Iíve met a young boy named Raj who said he grew up with the monks since he was two. He looks about 14 now. But he said heíll help me out if Iíll be his friend.

Its fun talking to him. But we have to talk quietly and usually in secret. I tell him Hindu stories and he tells me about Ďthe way of the monksí. Hopefully with his help I wonít fu-dge up too much this time. And also Iíll get to learn how to breathe in through one nostril and out the other at the same time. Something that motivated me to becoming a monk in the first place. Not to mention the whole, humming several different octaves at the same time is pretty cool too.

26/05/2008 - 26/08/2008June 2008:Summer time is hot. Unbelievably hot. And up where I amÖthe air is thinner. But no one is allowed to complain. I really need to get a list of these unwritten laws. NO killing ANYTHING, NO complaining, NO talking, Sleep late at night, Wake up at some godforsaken hourÖand lets not forget the NO shouting and definitely NO swearing.

Thereís a lot of ĎNOís up there. Anyways, there isnít much we do now since it is so hot. Often we meditate, and now if Iím lucky Iíll be sent to the waterfall to do so. As always, Iím helping out in the gardens, tending to the crops.

August 2008:SoÖIím in big trouble. Towards the ending of July we started an early harvest of the rotational crops. Donít ask me what the heck that means. Usually I just stand and nod my head when they talk about such manual stuff. I stand, observe and copy. Monkey see, monkey do (no offense to be taken, Kichin). Well they just leave me there and say Ďharvestí. So what do I do? I start pulling plants out and throwing them into the basket. WellÖseemingly as no one told me, Iím supposed to dig the suckers out. Otherwise parts of the roots break off. And that is a waste of food.

Of course Iím told this when Iím just about done. Now, ask what I did for the first two weeks of August? Thatís right, try to find every single spot a plant was growing out of and dig to see if anymore of the root crop was somewhere in the dirt. Somehow I regret having my mother seal my powers.

On the note of my mother, she asked if I wanted to go to Amrita Shannaís birthday. To which she wanted me to say no because of my Ďmonklyí responsibilities. I did tell her to bring me back some food. To which she didnít even reply in her annoyance with me.

27/08/2008 - 27/11/2008September 2008:What is there to say? Iím busy being an indentured slave to these sadists in the guises of monks. I bet they fantasize about cracking a whip over my head and going Ďfaster!í Most of these men make me wonder what they are doing here.

Raj knows a little something about each man. He even claims one of the men is wanted for multiple murders. And that he was so overcome with remorse of his actions that he became a monk in repentance. *shrugs* Sounds familiarÖ

October 2008:Absolutely amazing. These people actually rest. When harvest is done, they just sit around and mediate. Itís almost scary to be soÖnot busy. Although it is getting really cold up in the mountains. GreatÖI have an inkling of what Iíll be doing this winter. Keeping the crops from getting frostbite.

November 2008:Refer to last diary entry. Since I am considered to be of a Ďhardy lotí I get to watch over the crops during the coldest time of winterÖyay me.

28/11/2008 - 28/02/2009December 2008:Freezing my glutinous maximus outside during the nights. That is when the temperature drops even more. Ever seen Walking in the Clouds? Where they had to keep the grapes warm? Well that is me. Standing watch all night, making sure none of the crops catch on fire nor does the fire get out of control. Do I even get extra food to supply me with the strength to keep watch? No.

January 2009:The weather isnít so bad anymore. After a couple weeks out in the freezing cold, Iíve grown accustomed to it. Itís like the summers with the intensive heat. After awhile you canít feel the burning of your skinÖits just heavy pressure put on you. Out in the cold youíre just numb. You donít feel the coldness, just a buzzing numbness. Anyway, the crops are all in the green so to speak so I can go back to my hay mattress and single thread count blanketÖ

February 2009:Actually, Iíll finally admit that Iím starting to get homesick. But I made a commitment and each time I remind myself why Iím here, I realize I really havenít changed all that much. And that is disappointing. As much as I have grown to accept everyone here, I find that I am holding myself back. While I follow their orders, I make a mockery of them in my head. Their faces always reflect such simplicity and behind my eyes gears grate out nasty words. I guess if I really am on the road to redemption, I need to make a better effort. So that means Iím going to stop running from it. Whatever it is. Still havenít figured that part out yet either.

01/03/2009 - 01/06/2009March 2009:So Iíve been trying really, really hard to change myself. But I donít know what Iím supposed to be changing. Now I sound like Iím complaining. I do know what Iím supposed to change, but I donít know how. Currently there isnít much to do at the monastery. Its been raining a lot so we are on the look out of flooding, but other than that Iím getting kind of bored. Which is sick because Iíd prefer to be doing manual labor right now.

April 2009:I contemplated doing some April Foolís day joke on the monks here. But seeing as none of them really have a sense of humor, I had to forego it. I told Raj about it and he said I should have done it. But the kid told me he wouldnít take blame for it. So my hair has gotten pretty long and I know Iím supposed to be maintaining my bald headÖbut how do I do that? I havenít seen a razor lying around. Do they expect me to go sharpen a rock or something? There was another guy who came in a couple weeks ago and he tore all his hair out to show his dedication. DamnÖIím glad that I fell unconscious and they shaved my headÖwaitÖdid they tear out my hair while I was knocked out?

May 2009:The raining isnít so bad anymore and weíve gone back to harvesting our spring crops and start planting our summer crops. Iím actually looking forward to it this time aroundÖwell not really looking forward to winter time.

02/06/2009 - 02/09/2009June 2009:Iím melting! I can handle heat, but Iíll start complaining when itís humid. Doing the same thing. But I donít know, the more I donít try to remind myself why Iím here, the easier it is for me to feel at peace with myself. Then I start remembering and whatever little bit of peace I felt is gone. Well I have to make this short. My turn for rotational crops. And HAH! I remember not to tear the suckers out like I did last time.

July 2009:Prepare for starvingÖsome worm thing got into our crops. The monks take it as a sign to fast. Iím tempted to ask my mother to bring us some food. Some of these men donít look like they can survive not eating. Iíll see how things go.

August 2009:One of the elder monks died. Everyone says itís from old age and looking at him, I can believe that. But itís still hard to think heís gone. The man was the one who bossed me around all the time. Iím going to miss him. I know there is no time to mourn him because of our last crop failure; we have to ensure the coming seasonís crops will do well. And I know these men would not be able to survive winter with no food.

And I said a prayer of well being for Amrita Shanna on the 31st. I think being here is good for me. Iím finally being able to let go.

03/09/2009 - 03/12/2009September 2009:Raj has gotten sick. He went out early to meditate and ended up getting sick because it has been unusually cold. A harsh winter will be coming. It will be hard to keep the crops warm. I sat with Raj while he tossed and turned in his fever induced sleep. He was given some herbal medicine and warm tea. Sometimes Raj says the strangest things in his nightmares.

October 2009:Not only is it cold, but extremely wind too. Weíre all doing our best to protect the crops. But none of them consider skipping a prayer session to watch over the crops. Which is stupid to say the least. If the crops failed this time around, they would all starve to death.

November 2009:I killed a man. Raj and I were supposed to have crop duty together. He didnít show up so I went to see what happened to him. I heard crying as I neared Rajís room. When I opened the door, there was one of the older monks standing over Rajís naked and beaten body.

I closed the door behind me softly and went over to the man. The look on his face disgusted me. So high and mighty. Because he was one of the elders he thought I wouldnít do anything. I reached out, grabbed his head between my hands and broke his neck. Immediately I went over to Raj and he cowered away from me in the corner. Then I noticed all the scars on his back and I wish I hadnít killed the man so quickly.

I talked to Raj quietly, until he talked back to me. I asked him how long it had been going on. Six fucking years. Raj was barely 9! We took the body and laid it on the bottom of a cliff. The next morning the body was found and everyone assumed the elder had fallen off the cliff and broken his neck. I didnít go to the funeral nor did I pray for that man. Instead, Raj and I took a long walk in the mountains and told everyone we had gotten lost to explain our disappearance and why we were not at the wake.

Raj promises me that none of the other monks ever touched him and the other monks are good men. Which meant I didnít have to kill anyone else.

04/12/2009 - 04/03/2010December 2009:I watch Raj while he and I are on crop dutyÖand started to blame myself. How could I not see the pain he was going through? Was he really that good in covering it up? I never once suspected Rajís life being anything but simple and clean. How wrong I was. But he smiled everyday. And he laughed with me. I had never seen anything but cheerfulness from him the day I arrived here. So I watched him and I realized I had never really seen him smile or heard him laugh until today.

Iíve come to care a lot for Raj. Heís like a little brother Iíve never had. And itís terrifying to feel responsible for another life. In light of everything that happened, my guilt in regards to Gehnasis came tearing to the forefront again. And Iíve realized just how badly I had wronged her. Being here is possibly the best thing Iíve done for myself.

January 2010:Iíve dedicated myself to becoming better. Iíve stopped complaining about mediocre things. Iíve been reflecting and seeing how selfish and blessed I was. And I took it all for granted.

February 2010:I havenít realized how much time passed. Iíve been gone from Svarga for nearly two and a half years. Iíve begun to meditate on more specific details of my life. Starting with what I did to Gehnasis.

March 2010:Eventually I will have to tell her. Iíve been able to liberate myself, but I cannot do so completely until I confront Gehnasis face to face. Whenever that will be. I expect I will be here for a long while.

05/03/2010 - 05/06/2010April 2010:More people have arrived at the monastery to become monks. I just found out that Raj first came to the monastery on April 23rd. So I had my mother bring me some sweets and Raj and I celebrated April 23rd as his birthday since neither of us knows when he was really born.

But Raj saved his candy and tells me he will eat it on November 5th. The day I killed that man. Its hard to believe he will be about 16 next year.

May 2010:As much as I miss Svarga, I really like it here in the mountains. Itís relaxing and it gives me a lot of time to meditate. All the time in the world really. And itís just what I need. I have a sickening feeling that Iíll have to leave here one day to talk to Gehnasis. But will I return here? If I did, Iíd have to age myself. Or I could leave and return every 100 years.

06/06/2010 - 06/09/2010June 2010:This summer has started off relatively pleasant. The winds keep it from getting too hot and it hasnít been all that humid. Working out in the gardens isnít so much of a chore this time around. I actually enjoy it.

July 2010:I have been able to see into myself and find the things that I do not like. So Iím making an effort to confront those parts of me and figure out how I can learn to forgive myself. They say that finding redemption can come in doing good deeds. But I donít think I could ever attain so many good deeds to cancel out my bad ones.

August 2010:Raj and I have been meditating together and I more or less told him about what I did to Gehnasis. Of course I didnít get into depth or tell him it was over 2300 years ago. I just told him that I was desperately in love with this woman and she rejected me. So I sought my revenge by ruining her life. But everything I did ended up helping her in the long run because now she is happier than sheís ever been.

Raj, like a friend usually does, took my side and said well I did help her in the long run so I should stop blaming myself. But he doesnít know exactly how I hurt Gehnasis.

07/09/2010 - 07/12/2010September 2010:Iím falling into this monkhood pretty well now. Of course Raj and I sneak off to talk story, but thatís really the only rule Iím breaking. Iíve stopped swearing. Instead Iíve come up with other ways to describe things, which is a lot more fun I have to say. For example, I came across a snake in the gardens yesterday. And instead of screaming the first thing that came to mind, I shouted Ďgreen blades of grass!í That made Raj laugh and I ended up laughing tooÖafter I got a safe distance away from the harmless garden snake.

October 2010:I snuck Raj out with me into the small village below. We had a lot of fun. Unfortunately we had to stop our trips down there because we got found out. Of course the monks donít beat us or anything, just kind of shake their heads at us, disappointed. And I kind of wished they had hit me instead.

November 2010:Since Raj and I felt bad for sneaking out to the village, we decided to take the initiative and watch over the crops. Lucky for us it wasnít too cold. Not that Iím saying it wasnít cold. But its not like Iím complaining either.

8th 12 2010 - 24th 02 2011December 2010:We were able to harvest a lot of food. As the winter was harsh last year, it was relatively mild this year. So there is a lot of food in back up storage.

January 2011:My mother wishes I return to Svarga. Gehnasis almost killed Surya. It took Virabhadra in his demon state to stop Gehnasis from succeeding. I wonder what happenedÖ

Instead, Surya was exiled, his god powers stripped and Arani has been called to take Suryaís place. If she accepts, she will receive Suryaís powers.

I am in the middle of helping with the winter harvest and spring planting, so I told my mother I would return after I fulfilled my responsibilities. I am debating whether to ask Raj if he wants to come with me.

February 2011:I told Raj that I was leaving and asked if he wanted to come with me. I didnít tell him where, merely asked if he cared to follow. He immediately told me he wanted to follow so I guess Iím bringing my baby brother home with me. Aditi did not like that idea at all but I told her, hey Suryaís gone, that technically opens up a spot right?