Paul is having problems making love to his wife and confides in his mate
Alex. "I've got a spare packet of Viagra you can have," Alex says "Give them a
try" A week later they meet up for a drink. "So how's it going?" Alex grins.
"The pills you gave me haven't worked." Paul say's "Turns out they're past their
swell-by date."

A woman goes into the chemists
and asks the pharmacist: "Do you have Viagra?" "Yes" he answered. "Does it
work?" she asked. "Yes" he answered. "And can you get it over the counter?" she
asked. "I can if I take two" he replied.

Last week I went to visit my parents. Having used their
toilet I opened the bathroom wall cabinet and there was a packet of Viagra. I
approached mum and said “Mum you’re both in your 80’s What’s the Viagra for ?”
“Well” she said. “If I give your dad a half tablet, It stops him peeing on his
toes, and if I give him a full tablet, it stops him rolling over and falling out
of bed in the morning”

This bloke is
suffering from lack of excitement In the marital sex department. He approaches
his doc. who prescribes Viagra. Following the instructions on the bottle he
takes a pill an hour before his wife is due in. The pill works wonders and he’s
raring to go but his wife doesn’t turn up. After another fifteen minutes he
panics and calls the doctor asking what he should do. While on the phone
explaining things to the quack he says “Here’s my sister in law at the front
door” “hold on” says the doc “why don’t you ask her if she’ll oblige.” “But I
don’t need a Viagra when I have it off with her” was the reply.

(pinched from Tam Cowan’s second
joke book)

An elderly bloke walks into the
chemist and asks if these Viagra pills are any good. “Yes” replies the
pharmacist “we sell a lot of them.” “And can you get it over the counter?”
enquires the old fellow. “Not with one pill” replied the chemist “but if you
take two or three you will.

readers digest joke

"Would you like
some breakfast, darling?" said the wife to her husband. "No thanks," he replied.
The Viagra has taken away my appetite." "How about some lunch?" suggests the
wife a few hours later. "The Viagra still hasn't worn off, so I'm still not
hungry." "Well, would you like some supper?" the wife persists some time later.
"Still don't fancy anything to eat. replies the husband. "Well are you going to
get off me? says the wife. "Because I'm starving."

Q:- Did you hear about the bloke who
sucked his Viagra instead of swallowing it?

A:- He ended up with a stiff upper
lip.

This bloke is in the dentist’s
chair being given a check up. “One of your teeth is badly decayed and it will
have to come out” the dentist informs him. “But don’t worry” says the dentist
“I’ll give you a jag and you won’t feel a thing” “No, no” says the bloke “I’m
terrified of needles” “Well” the dentist replied “I can still give you gas”
“That’s just as bad” the bloke advised. The dentist then went into his drawer
and took a Viagra from a bottle and gave it to the fellow with glass of water.
“I didn’t know Viagra relieved pain” say the bloke. “It doesn’t” uttered the
Dentist “But it’ll give you something to hold onto while I pull this bloody
tooth”

Q:-
Why did the detective put Viagra into the suspects tea ?

A:- He was looking for some hard
evidence.

This bloke walks into the
chemists and asks for Viagra. “I’m sorry” said the chemist Viagra is a
restricted drug. We can’t sell it willy nilly” So the bloke goes into his pocket
and brings out a picture of his wife and shows it to the chemist.. “Sorry, I
didn’t realise you had a prescription” was the reply.

Q:
What do Viagra and Alton Towers have in common?A: A one-hour wait for a two-minute ride.

Q:
Did you hear about the first Viagra conceived baby?A: It stood up and walked right away.

Q:
Have you heard about the first fatality caused by Viagra?A: This bloke took 58 pills and his wife died.

Have you heard
about the bloke who got his sleeping pills mixed up with his Viagra. He ended up
having forty wanks.

The shop floor workers in the
Viagra factory were complaining about low wages. They ask their union official
to fight their case. At the meeting with management he says “if members don’t
get a rise soon he’ll be asking them to down tools”

Q;- What do you get
if you smoke pot and take Viagra?

A:- Stiff joints.

Question :
What did the mouse say after taking a Viagra?

Answer :
Where’s the f***ing pussy now?

Why do people put Viagra in their tea? It stops the tea
biscuits from going soft.

This bloke and his son are driving along the road. The
father gets lost and becoming frustrated starts moaning. “It’s because you’ve
forgotten to take the Viagra” says the son. The father replies “What on earth
are you talking about?” “Well I heard mum talking to the lady next door” retorts
the son“ and she says “You’d be lost without the Viagra”

Did you hear about the athlete who was tested positive for
viagra? He tripped during the 100 Metre sprint and won a gold medal in the pole
vault.

A parrot swallowed a Viagra so his owner put him in the
freezer to cool off. Later on the householder opens the freezer door to find the
parrot dripping with sweat. "How come your so warm after all this time in such a
cool place?" asks the owner. The bird replied "Don't you know how difficult it
is to make love to a frozen chicken?"

An 80 year old man went to the doctor and asked for a
quarter of a Viagra. “Quarter of a pill !! That won't do much for your sex
life.” said the doctor. "Doc, you don't understand. I don't want to have sex.
I just just want to get the thing out there far enough that I can stop peeing on
my shoes."

Q-: Did you hear about
the new Viagra computer virus?
A-: It turns your floppy disk into a hard drive.

Do you know what happens when a traffic warden takes
Viagra? He grows taller.

A bloke is on holiday in Tunisia. As he walks through a
bazaar one afternoon a dodgy looking fellow approaches him and offers to sell
him Viagra for £100. "No not worth it" "Okay how about £50?" "No not worth
it" "Okay" said the seller "How about £20 even £10" "No not worth it" "Listen"
said the Arab "These pills are expensive, how can you say they're not worth it"
"Oh it's not the pills, mate It's my wife she's not worth it"