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I didn't like it, so sue me: The worst of OLTL 2013:
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Asa woke up in a cold sweat after having a dream that Max admitted he was not Asa's son, and was then shot. Asa ran to the Palace bar to tell Renee about his premonition, but she didn't buy it. There, he found John Sykes, who told Asa he needed cold, hard evidence to prove Max's life was in danger before he could act. While Max was meeting with one of his mob connections in hopes of "getting Daniel off his back," Sykes was meeting with an FBI agent who had agreed to offer Daniel immunity in exchange for state's evidence against the mob.

When Daniel walked out of his suite, he found an anonymous death threat laying on his breakfast cart. He left to make some phone calls. Daniel called Rae and Skye, and left a message for Max, for them all to meet him at Crossroads at 9:00 p.m. He intended to collect his blackmail money.

At Grace's graveside, Daniel ran into Kelly and identified himself. Kelly became irate with him, just as Kevin arrived. Kevin vowed that Daniel would pay for the hurt he had caused Grace and demanded Daniel not say one more word to Kelly. After Daniel left, Kelly informed Kevin that she was leaving town. When he asked her to stay, she said it was the only way she could deal with the situation. Later, Kelly received a phone tip that the hit on Daniel was going down that night.

Blair woke up and found Todd in her room. She demanded he leave, but Todd wanted to know more about Skye. Todd revealed that Starr had been talking about "that red-haired lady." Blair explained how Max flaunted his affair in her face and around town and how she was going to make him pay for it. As Todd walked out the door, he cryptically said, "You take care of Max, and I'll take care of the rest of them."

Blair realized Todd might have something really big up his sleeve that time. Todd paid Skye a visit and threatened her. She was to stay away from Max because "it will upset Blair, which will upset Starr, which will upset" Todd. He let Skye know that upsetting him was not something she wanted to do.

Cristian and Jessica are enjoying a night out a Rodi's, where they run into Roseanne. Jessica insists on going over and thanking her for signing the annulment papers. Roseanne wishes them much happiness together. All of a sudden, she spots someone on the other side of the room and says, "Is that Will?". Jessica quickly turns and shouts out Will's name, but the person who turns around isn't Will.

Jessica leaves them alone and Roseanne notices that there's something wrong with Cris. Is he worried that Jessica still loves Will, she asks. Cris explains what happened with Will, that he didn't betray Jessica, he only left because he thought it was the best thing for her. Cris seems determined to tell Jess the truth, but Roseanne warns him not to, it will ruin everything. Cristian joined Jessica at a table and was about to tell her the truth about Will when Joey arrived and interrupted their conversation. Joey showed Jessica a note from Kelly saying that she was leaving town.

Also at Rodi's are Sophia and Antonio, who arrived with the other police academy cadets to celebrate the results of their latest exam. They single out the person who did the best and the worst on the exam, who just happen to be Antonio (best) and Sophia (worst). They are each supposed to do a trick, so Antonio flips a piece of popcorn off his arm and catches it in his mouth. For her trick, Sophia ties the stem of a cherry into a knot with her tongue.

The rest of the cadets vote whose trick was best and Sophia wins, meaning that Antonio is her "slave" for the next 24 hours. Roseanne watches all of this jealously from across the room, especially when Antonio picks Sophia up to carry her to her "throne". Later, puzzled by Antonio and Roseanne's coldness toward each other, Sophia tries to ask Roseanne what is wrong, but she just says she and Antonio don't like each other. Sophia confesses to Roseanne that she does like Antonio. In fact, Sophia thinks she's falling in love with him.

In the meantime, Will has reached Ireland and is rescued from the cargo container by two dockworkers . He gives them letters addressed to Jessica and Sam and asks them to mail them. He's in such bad shape that they have to carry him out of the container and bring him to one of their houses. They call a doctor, who orders Will drink plenty of fluids. Liam, whose house it is, tells Will that his friend has already air mailed the letters for Will.

At Asa's, Blair tries to get Todd to tell her how he dealt with Skye, but all Todd will say is that he put a little fear into her. Todd then stuns Blair by informing her that he wants custody of Starr. Over my dead body, she informs him, especially since he's on the run from the police and has no home to go to. She hasn't exactly been the best mother, either, Todd reminds her, pointing out how upset Starr is about the situation with Max and Skye. Todd leaves saying that he's going to discuss it with 'his lawyer'.

At the Palace Hotel, Kelly gets a call from the private investigator, who tells her that a hit has been put out on Daniel and it's going down tonight. Kelly questions Renee if she knows where Rae and Sykes went to meet Daniel. Renee doesn't know, but mentions that Kevin was going with them, which of course upsets Kelly more. Kelly thinks she has an idea how to find out where they are because Max has a meeting with Daniel tonight, too.

Kelly rushes out and Renee calls and leaves a message for Asa to come see her immediately. Kelly goes to see Blair, who confirms that Max's meeting with Daniel at Crossroads. Kelly rushes out saying that someone is going to be shot tonight. At the Palace Hotel, Asa has arrived and Renee asks him about his dream about Max getting shot. Asa knows exactly where it happened and the two of them head off to Crossroads.

Sykes, Rae, Kevin, Max and Skye all arrive at Crossroads at virtually the same time. Daniel is there offering to sell a secret to the highest bidder, but he won't give any hints what the secret is. All he will say is that one person in the room will have their life completely change that night. Sykes tries offering Daniel a spot in the Witness Protection Program in return for the truth, but Daniel turns him down. Rae then tries to offer him the money she has been able to gather, but Daniel refuses to take it unless she has the entire one million dollars.

Max refuses to pay anything, but informs Daniel that he met with Jackie McNaughton earlier and the mob knows where he is. This starts to make Daniel nervous and Rae presses Daniel to take the money that she's offering and run before the mob gets him. He seems about to take the deal when Kelly rushes in a yells for everyone to get out, the mob is coming after Daniel that night.

But it's too late, the hitman bursts in and begins firing. Daniel is hit, Max and Skye fall to the floor, Sykes pushes Rae behind him and starts firing back and Kelly jumps in front of Kevin. Outside, Renee and Asa hear the shooting. When they open the door, everyone is still, lying on the floor. Asa sees Max, bleeding from a wound on his arm. The only sound is the phone ringing, it's Blair calling to try to warn Max, but she's too late...

In Ireland, half-asleep on the bed, Will dropped a picture of himself and Jess. A woman entered with a tray of food -- it turned out to be Deborah, Liam's wife. She was wondering if he was on the cargo container because he was running from the law. That would be romantic, she said. Will, or Bill as he called himself, joked that he just didn't want to pay full fare. He asked for the phone to call his dad and admitted that someone had set him up to "visit" Ireland, that he hadn't planned on it. Will gave her American money for the call.

Sam was not home, so Will left him a message, urging him not to trust Todd and stating that he probably knew where Nora was if Sam hadn't located her yet. He said he was where he was because of Todd, though he stopped short of saying where. Deborah picked up the picture and asked if he would like to call the girl also. Will admitted that he loved the girl, but he wouldn't call her because she hated him. He explained the situation and said that Liam had mailed a letter. She convinced him that a phone call would be better, so he agreed. He placed the call.

At the Buchanan mansion, Blair was unable to reach anyone on the phone at Crossroads, so she went upstairs to her bedroom. She turned on the radio, and looked at her birth control pills and the contract that Max had put together for Baby Buchanan. Just then, an announcer broke in to report the shooting at Crossroads, so Blair took off.

At first, Asa and Renee thought that everyone at Crossroads was dead, but the shooter turned out to be the only one who was. Slowly, they began to get up. Max had been shot in the arm, Daniel in the leg, and Kelly in the side, though she didn't realize it. Kevin assured her that it was only a scratch, but she thought it was more serious, as her breathing and speech became affected. They waited for the ambulance.

Max announced that it was a mob hit, and Asa wanted to know why his son had been the target. Blair ran in, ignoring her father-in-law's suggestion to stay away from Max, while Ben had returned from Florida and wanted to know what had happened at his bar. Immediately Asa blamed him for the whole thing, saying that Ben had wanted revenge and that he was a mobster. Skye stepped in to inform Asa that it was all Daniel's arranging, but Asa continued to badmouth Ben until finally Renee had heard enough and yelled at her husband. Asa yelled back and demanded that Max leave with him, but his son said him he'd see Asa at home.

Renee apologized for Asa and told Ben she was filing for divorce. Skye thought it was obvious that Renee and Ben cared about each other. When Ben questioned her on what had happened earlier, she told him she really didn't know what had happened or why Daniel had actually wanted her there.

At the hospital, Kelly was wheeled in while her friends anxiously stood by to await any news. Larry informed the group that she had been shot in the lower abdomen. Kevin ran off, telling Rae he had something to take care of. Rae blamed herself for everything. She said it was her fault that Daniel had been there to begin with. As John tried to comfort her, they were advised that Daniel wanted to see Rae in his hospital room. John received a call and had to leave for the police station to answer questions about the incident to the FBI.

In Rodi's, Joey read a goodbye note from Kelly and then lit a match to it. At a nearby table, Sophia admitted to Roseanne that she was falling in love with Antonio. She knew that Roseanne hated him but began to babble on about how beautiful he was, until her roommate ordered her to stop. Roseanne claimed she couldn't stand him and that Sophia could do better, but Sophia wanted advice from her friend -- she didn't want to be talked out of it. Roseanne told her to do what she wanted then. Since Antonio had become her slave in the contest, Sophia decided to order him to dance with her.

Roseanne wandered over to Joey, and they decided to dance as well. Over by the jukebox, Jess teased Cris about liking Heather, the girl from the rock group they were in. Will had made that up, Cris told her, which prompted Jess to say that Will had always been a liar, but she did not want to talk about him. They noticed Roseanne and Joey dancing and wondered about that. Roseanne only had eyes for Antonio dancing with Sophia, but she and Joey had agreed to shoot each other the next time either of them fell for someone. Joey announced the end of his marriage. Just then, Kevin arrived and tried to tell Joey what had happened, but Joey didn't want anything to do with his brother. He told Kevin to drop dead, but Kevin was finally able to break the news.

Joey rushed off to the hospital. Sophia cried when she heard about Kelly, and Antonio offered to take her home. Sophia didn't know why she was upset, and he told her it was because she had a heart. First, he wanted to make a phone call, and when he got up, Roseanne stopped by. She wanted to know why Antonio was taking Sophia home and hoped he was not using Sophia the way he practically had with her. He had come on to her when he wanted her to sign the annulment papers. Sophia wondered if that was why she was acting like she was, but Roseanne insisted she hated him, and Sophia could have him. Cris answered Jess's cell phone.

At the hospital, Joey tried to get in to see Kelly but was unable to. Larry told him that Kelly's condition was critical. Joey was distraught, but Kevin insisted she'd be all right. She was wheeled out, headed for surgery.

Rae entered Daniel's room, where he informed her that he was willing to tell the truth since he had been so close to death. Rae didn't believe him. He told her that her child was standing in the group nearby and was the vilest person on earth. Rae looked over and couldn't believe her daughter was Blair. It was not Blair, he said, and added that she had a son, not a daughter. Her child was Max.

"Slave" Antonio escorted "Mistress" Sophia home and she ordered him to go inside and make himself comfortable so she could enjoy her prize "until the last possible minute." Antonio thought Roseanne would be home soon and he shouldn't stay, but he softened when Sophia started to babble about how badly she wanted to be a cop so she could "show the world not every Pellegrino is a loser" and how insecure she was about being able to do so. Antonio assured Sophia she would make the grade and become a "wonderful police officer." Sophia told Antonio he was "saying all the right things" to her and that she cared about his opinion, which started them on a major line of miscommunication. Antonio thought Sophia was talking only about the academy and the police department when she talked about being partners and how much she wanted it, while Sophia thought his meaning was more than professional when he agreed he felt the "same way...I want it as much as you do."

Roseanne walked in and, observing the closeness between the partners, tried to make Antonio jealous by talking about the other cadets she had been dancing with at Rodi's, especially one particular hottie. When Sophia encouraged Roseanne to "go back and get him," Roseanne looked at Antonio as she replied, "I've sworn off men -- especially cops." The remark went completely over Sophia's head as she declared that since Antonio was her partner, she needed for Roseanne to get along with him. She asked them to practice "conflict management" while she went to get them all something to drink.

Roseanne acted skeptical when Antonio asked if they were "ever gonna get through this," and warned Antonio not to "use" Sophia like he had used her. When he claimed that he wasn't using anybody and that he cared about Roseanne, she turned his earlier words back at him and claimed, "Now is not a good time for me." Roseanne huffed off upstairs when Sophia walked back into the room, which caused Antonio to "call it a night," but not before he assured Sophia that "we'll be partners for a long, long time." When Roseanne returned downstairs after Antonio left, Sophia happily confided that she felt she was "finally getting somewhere with him."

At Llanview Hospital, Dr. Larry informed the Buchanans that Kelly had a lot of internal damage, especially to the liver and spleen, but he couldn't say whether she would live or die. He encouraged Joey to go and wait in the ICU area for Kelly to get out of surgery, but when Kevin asked to go with him, Joey refused his brother's request, insisting that it was his "time alone with my wife...stay the hell away."

Across the room, Cristian was telling Will via Jessica's cell phone that he had called at a "really bad time...the last thing Jessica needs is you messing up her life," but wouldn't elaborate as to what was going on. Will threatened Cristian that soon Jessica would know that he had lied to both of them, but Cristian hung up without saying anything when he saw Jess approaching. Jessica asked if it had been her mother on the phone and when Cristian told her it wasn't, she asked no further about the call. Instead, she told him how scared she was for Kelly and how much she wished that Kevin and Joey could get along for her sake, "like you and Will did for me."

In another room, Max insisted to Blair that he was okay, that he would "pull through to torture" her, and he would stay by her side while she waited for news about Kelly. When he told Blair that Kelly would be okay because her family was "too tough to die," Blair shot back that "my family just goes crazy." Blair prayed for Kelly to live; she wanted "the chance to tell her she's not a flea...I do mean it...she needs to know that." Max seemed sincere when he assured his wife that "He wouldn't take her and leave me behind." His sincerity in comforting her caused Blair to admit that she had been scared when she heard about the shooting, fearing the worst for Max. He reminded her that he was with her and safe as they went to check on Kelly.

In yet another room across the hall, Rae was in major denial about what Daniel had just confided to her -- that Max was her child. Daniel reminded her that she'd had a difficult birth with lots of drugs, and she had only held her baby wrapped in a blanket for a short period of time. When she called Daniel a liar, he asked her who she would believe, "baby thieves or me?" He claimed he could prove his claim with the page from the Bible that he would get as soon as he was released from the hospital. When a nurse appeared to check on his injuries, Rae asked her to "make it worse while you're at it," but Daniel reminded her that she had better "pray I make it, or you will not get confirmation."

Rae stepped outside the room and encountered Max and Blair, but she couldn't speak because she was so shocked at the possibility of Max being her long-lost child. When she only stared at him, Max suggested she get psychiatric help and then left a crying Rae to tell John Sykes what Daniel had told her. John found the latest revelation "ridiculous...tell me that's not possible." Rae thought it was "another game" of Daniel's because Max was "Asa and Renee's son." Rae doubted that even the Bible page would be proof because Daniel could have faked it. Later, when John insisted that Daniel would tell him the truth, they went into his room and were shocked to find that the bed was empty. Dr. Larry confirmed that Daniel had been neither moved nor discharged.

In Kelly's ICU room, a crying Joey took Kelly's hand, kissing it and saying, "I'm so sorry for everything. Please, God, let her at least hear that. I love you."

In the chapel, Kevin had his own conversation with God. "Boy, I did what I thought was right even though I knew inside it was all wrong. Even though I wanted Kelly more than I've ever wanted anyone in my whole life and even though I know that she wanted me.
And even though...I know how happy we could have been...I turned my back on her and I did it for Joe. I didn't do it for You. I pushed her away so that Joey could be with her. I didn't push her away so that you could take her away from everybody. You cannot take her. You understand? Do you hear what I'm saying? Do you? You can't take Kelly away from us. You can't take her..."

Joey walked into the chapel with his own agenda, demanding that Kevin tell him how it had happened, why Kevin and Kelly had been at Crossroads. When Kevin tried to explain that she wasn't supposed to have been there, that he had been helping Rae, Joey didn't accept his explanation. "You did this. She went there because of you...Wasn't it enough to break us up? You had to go and get her shot - maybe killed...She's my wife. I love her." Kevin declared he would "sell [his] soul to get that moment back" because "I love her and I love you...I would much rather her be alive and be with you and have her be happy...I don't want her to be gone...Don't you know that?"

Joey admitted he did know that, but he was "angry and hurt. You don't know how it feels...betrayed by your own brother. I wanted to kill you. I know you didn't do this on purpose...mean to fall in love with my wife...but knowing something doesn't make the pain go away. I feel like I've lost everything. She was the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. This isn't easy for me. I don't want to lose either of you." Kevin told his brother he was sorry, that he didn't know what to do to make it right but he would do whatever Joey asked.

Back outside Kelly's room, Max admitted to Blair that he hated to see Kelly "like that...I like her." Blair remembered that Max had "liked her enough to marry her" but put those feelings aside when she went into her cousin's room. She encouraged Kelly to pull through because "you're the only one who believes in the power of love, and you were right." She confided to an unconscious Kelly that she did love Max and was unsure of what she should do with those feelings. Then she got mad at her cousin. "I warned you...that's what happens when you fall in love...you get yourself hurt. When are we gonna ever learn that?"

Blair urged Kelly to "snap out of it" so she didn't have to call Dorian and then promised, "I will torture Kevin for the rest of his miserable life if you die." Blair was surprised when she stepped outside Kelly's room and found Max had a tray with fruit and snacks to keep her energy up. When she asked him why he was being so nice to her, he explained that she had stood by him when he faked his brain damage, and it was his turn to stand by her. Max encouraged Blair to go home with him because "tonight we need to take care of each other" and promised that he had a surprise waiting for her in the morning.

Later, Joey entered Kelly's room and had Kevin with him. Joey told a still-unconscious Kelly that he "figured" she would want to see his brother. Kevin stood beside the bed and put his arm around Joey as he told Kelly, "We're both here." She slowly opened her eyes.

In Ireland, Deborah observed that "Bill's" call to his lass seemed "not very successful," and a distraught Will explained that he had to get home to get to Jessica because Cristian had lied to her, was always around her, and wouldn't let Will talk to her. Deborah reminded him that the letters had been mailed, which seemed to appease Will somewhat because he thought when Jessica got his letter, "she'll know not to marry him." But later, Will was dressed and ready to head out the door before Deborah stopped him. She guessed he was in "some kind of trouble" back home and asked how he thought he would get there anyway. Will didn't know or care, he just had "to get there to be there when she finds out who and what Cristian really is."

At Llanfair, in Jessica's bedroom, Cristian told Jessica he felt "strange to be here spending the night" in her room with her. They reminisced about how, in the past, Cristian had climbed the tree outside her window and sneaked in and how "intense and hot" those nights had seemed, even though Jessica hadn't been ready to "do it" then. With Cristian claiming that he loved Jessica "more than anything in the world and always will," they undressed and made love. Afterwards, when Cristian asked Jessica what she was thinking about, she claimed she was "thinking about you." Pleased, Cris asked to "see that smile every night for the rest of my life. I want to hold onto it forever."

The morning after Kelly was shot, Cris and Jess woke up in her bed. He froze when her telephone rang, fearing that it was Will calling again. It was only Viki calling to check on Jessica. After Jessica finished her conversation with her mother, Cris asked her what she would do if it had been Will calling her. Jessica declared that she only wanted to be with Cris and for him not to worry.

Will dreamed about waking up next to Jessica. She expressed remorse that she had believed Cristian's lies and nearly married him. Will woke up and forgave Jessica.

Max declared his love to Blair after they spent the night trying to "make a baby." Blair noticed her birth control pills on the desk and distracted Max as she hid them. Max gave her a gift-wrapped present. When Blair opened it, she found a pregnancy test inside. After using it, she emerged from the bathroom and sadly announced that it was negative.

Colin confronted Lindsay concerning Nora's whereabouts. As Colin was demanding to be told where Nora was, Lanie walked in. Colin and Lindsay insisted that Nora was dead and they didn't know anything else. Lanie was suspicious and stated that she did not believe either one of them. Colin told Lanie that he felt quilty that he had been unable to save Nora and was searching for her so that he could be given a second chance to heal her. Colin left. Lindsay and Lanie argued over Lindsay's hatred toward Nora and her obsession towards Bo. Lanie mentioned that she had called Bo and left a message about Sam's new clues involving Nora. Bo's return message was that he was returning home.

In the diner, Colin overheard Jess and Cris talking about Nora and the tape she'd had with her on the train. He discovered that it would free Will. Later, he listened to the tape.

While Nora lay unconscious in the convent, Todd described to a nun Nora's disease as "having a disproportionate sense of self-righteousness that takes over the body, causing it to go into unconsciousness." The nun stated that she had never heard of the disease and inquired as to where it had originated. Todd answered, "Eastern Europe." The nun suggested that since the disease originated in Eastern Europe, perhaps that would be the best place for Nora to be treated. With a glint of mischief in his eye, Todd agreed with her. Later, he flipped a coin to see if Nora should be shipped to Eastern Europe or "where she belongs."

While in Sam's house, Todd listened to Will's telephone message warning Sam not to trust Todd. He deleted the message. The phone rang. Todd picked it up and began to speak like Sam's answering machine. It was Sam, and Todd told Sam that everything was "as quiet as a mouse."

While talking to Sykes, Rae remembered Daniel threatening Max and realized that Daniel had most likely been blackmailing Max. They decided to go see Max. They burst into his bedroom and questioned him. Indignantly, Max explained that Daniel hated his adopted father and just wanted to give him a hard time. Sykes demanded to know what Max had been planning to bid on at Crossroads. Rae announced that Daniel had told her that Max was her son.