The Mile-High Club

Can You Get Arrested For Joining The Mile-High Club?

The Mile-High Club

Dr. Chaves,

While on a plane a few weeks ago, I had a really cool experience. My girlfriend jacked me off under a blanket, and nobody saw — or so we thought. Everything about that was cool, but the flight attendant came up to us and said someone reported we were being inappropriate and disruptive. She asked for our information. I’m scared something might happen. Can they sue us, arrest us or fine us?

Thanks, Alex, FL

Well, that’s a variation of the mile-high club. I think you need penetration to technically earn your wings, but I’ll give you an honorable mention at the very least. I’m not a lawyer, so you’ll need to contact one for official legal advice on flight laws and indecent exposure. That being said, any public sexual activity or nudity can definitely get you in trouble with the law. Here’s my uneducated take on it. As long as your penis and the jacking occurred under the blanket and out of people’s sight, there’s no “hard” evidence. You had a rash that day and she was being a good girlfriend and scratching, right? I think if they were going to be a report or police involvement, it would’ve happened immediately after your flight. Did the flight attendant mention her information gathering was about anything sexual? It’s so late in the game that if they were going to do something, it likely would’ve happened by now. I think you’re in the clear. Or maybe they got your information to send you the dry-cleaning bill for that blanket. We all know it takes a double dry clean to get the baby batter out. Thumbs up for keeping your sex life interesting, but be careful about the public displays of affection. Great story to tell the grandkids.

Enlarged Testicles

Dr. Chaves:

For awhile now, the tubes on one of my testicles is really enlarged and seems to be swollen. It has been like this for quite a while. I went to the doctor a long time ago for it, and all he did was feel the spot where the vas deferens goes up into my pelvis. He said everything felt fine to him. It hasn't gone away, and I'm afraid it might have made me at least partially sterile and has reduced the amount of semen when I ejaculate. Just wanted to get your thoughts on this.

Steve, MN

Never mess with your genitals. If something doesn’t feel right, get to a doctor asap. It’s not like we have spares balls lying around as backups. I’m not sure how much time “quite a while” is or how long ago you visited a doctor, but there’s nothing wrong with getting a second and third opinion. Let's be real here: You’re experiencing pain in a pretty important and sensitive part of the body, and we shouldn’t take chances with our twig or berries, especially when there is pain. I’d take the cautious approach and see another doctor to get more intensive testing than an external vas deferens fondling. You mention one symptom was reduced ejaculate. What strikes me is sperm production from the testes makes up so little of the total volume of ejaculate (less than 1%). Most male ejaculate comes from the seminal vesicle and prostate glands, which makes me wonder if there is something else that needs to be looked at besides the vas deferens swelling. It could be that the vas deferens is swelling as a response to another issue.