about

nothing’s different, because i didn’t talk to her anyway. i didn’t want to talk to her, not really-- not as a longterm thing. nothing’s different.

credits

released September 29, 2017

thanks to:
sarah and bruce for letting me half live with them for several months
caleb for actually living with me and unpacking the house while i left to meet with a lawyer
my sister for crossing an ocean to be by my side
gordon's for taking care of the estate
viet, sunny, & dorian for listening to the thing when i was losing my mind over having sat alone with it for too long

to hugging strangers who seem to know me
to avoiding questions surreptitiously
to keeping quiet, to living in fear
every day for thirteen-ish years
to part of the reason that i'm able
to drink almost anyone under the table

i'll toast to that
i'll toast to that
i'll toast to that

Track Name: front-facing

there was going to be more time
but you can't rely on timing
in a coffee shop bathroom
in a small town, someone's crying

there's a scene that re-occurs
at dark picnic benches, unseen
someone fixes up their face
by the dim light of their phone screen

there was work still to be done
but sometimes, things don't work out
become an expert at touch-ups
never let them see you pout

Track Name: sold!

three visits after it becomes mine
i drive away from your house for the last time
hyperventilating quietly in the back seat
while my eyeliner streaks

i took a sweater and a couple of shelves
and the knowledge i will never fully understand myself

a fall sun sets on the property
i scour your journals for your thoughts about me
flipping quickly through handwritten poems and old photos
my desperation shows

i hoard burned CDs and brand new unknowns
and quiet thoughts that i will never really truly have a home

and i
i
i will never fully understand

Track Name: tax season

if i sleep without a drink
if i give myself the time to think
everything grinds to a halt
i still think it was my fault