Bingham: Gronk's a real flake

On a recent rainy day, I was in the pharmacy of the local Stop & Shop, waiting for the medication my doctor ordered if I insisted on watching Patriot football games. The woman behind the counter told me it would take 25 minutes and what with the rain outside, there was nothing better to do but stroll about in search of things I didn't want to buy.

By Walter Bingham

capecodtimes.com

By Walter Bingham

Posted Nov. 17, 2012 at 2:00 AM

By Walter Bingham

Posted Nov. 17, 2012 at 2:00 AM

» Social News

On a recent rainy day, I was in the pharmacy of the local Stop & Shop, waiting for the medication my doctor ordered if I insisted on watching Patriot football games. The woman behind the counter told me it would take 25 minutes and what with the rain outside, there was nothing better to do but stroll about in search of things I didn't want to buy.

It was in Aisle 9, cereals and baked goods, when much to my surprise I came face to face with the Gronk. For readers who prefer to spend their autumn Sunday afternoons on frivolous entertainment such as the Boston Symphony, let me explain that the Gronk is Rob Gronkowski, an outstanding tight end on the New England Patriots.

There he was, staring at me with the same goofy grin on his face one sees after he has caught a pass for a touchdown, done whatever celebratory dance he has choreographed for the occasion and returned to the bench to yuk it up with teammates.

But this particular Gronk was a photograph on a cereal box appropriately called Gronk Flakes. There were dozens of such Gronks not yet on a shelf, stacked up in the aisle where it was impossible not to see him, as is also true when he is on a football field.

There was printed matter on all sides of the container, information I'm sure you simply can't do without. A text block on the backside informed me that "the Gronkowski family loves to get hyped, lift weights and play football on Sundays." (I should point out here that there are two older Gronkowski brothers, Dan and Chris, who have also done service in the NFL).

Another side of the box said that inside were "Frosted Corn Flakes" and that what I was holding in my hands was "a Limited Edition Collector's box." For $3.98, it could be mine.

Evidently there is also a charitable connection involved. A part of that $3.98 you're spending for your cereal goes to the Gronk National Youth Foundation, dedicated to — what else — youthful enterprises, so I'd better tread lightly here. I'd hate to answer a knock on my door and find the real Gronk, all 6-foot-6, 265 pounds of him, standing there.

The food marketing company that is distributing Gronk Flakes is not new to the business. The company, PLB Sports by name, also gave us two other cereals, Flutie Flakes and .Justin Verlander's Fastball Flakes, as well as Big Ben's Beef Jerky, an alliance with Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger. But in 2010 when Big Ben became involved in a serious brush with the law, PLB sacked him, so to speak.

Time to drop the product advertisements and address myself to football.

What surprises me about Gronkowski's emergence as a celebrity, assuming one can say having a cereal named after you qualifies as such, is that next to the Kremlin, the Patriots' front office and locker room are the very definition of an Iron Curtain. Ask coach Bill Belichick if he thought his team played well and he'll tell you he won't know until he has looked at the tape.

If there is one person on the team who because of his longevity and obvious skills should be on Mount Rushmore, much less a cereal box, it is Tom Brady. True, we have seen a mod-looking Brady in the pages of Vanity Fair and perhaps on Inside Edition, but that is because of the woman on his arm, Gisele Bundchen, wife and supermodel.

But during the football season, Brady's hair is close-cropped, his postgame interviews pure Belichickian. "We need to execute better." Or "we didn't have enough mental toughness." And "I don't care about last year. All I care about is this week."

The Gronk is different. After he catches a touchdown pass — there have been eight of them this season — the show he puts on is almost worth the price of admission.

He starts by spiking the ball as if hoping it will bring up a gusher of oil. Then comes his dance. At the recent game in London, after one of his touchdowns, he imitated the changing of the guard at Buckingham Palace. From all reports, the Brits loved it.

Evidently his teammates do, too, and maybe even the coach. After all, he is a major reason why the Patriots' offense is the best in the league. Word is anything he wants to do is fine with them, even if it means eating Gronk Flakes the rest of the season.

Walter Bingham, a former editor and writer for Sports Illustrated, lives in Truro. He can be contacted by email at sports@capecodonline.com.