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Its the day after Easter which means, if you had to bet your bottom dollar on one thing its that I’m coming down from the most delectable of sugar highs, the one caused by the Reese’s Peanut Butter Egg.

I mean look at that sexy goddamn thing! I’d be lying if the taste buds didn’t start sweating as I was doing a Google image search for that bad boy. Now its clear to me, and most sane people, that the Reese’s Egg is the #1 seasonal candy on the market and its not even close. Peeps? Good for blowing up in the microwave but as an actual item to digest, no. I feel like Peeps just sit in your stomach and refuse to actually dissolve. Parks itself right in your gut and makes a nest with all those pieces of gum you’ve swallowed. Candy Corn? Pfft. Awful, and like Lewis Black says I’m pretty sure Candy Corn isn’t even made anymore, just recycled. Always reminds me of the terrible candy that law and doctor offices have. Probably the closest competitor resides in the same holiday, the Cadbury Egg. While I know the Cadbury Egg is near and dear to many people’s hearts you are a grade A liar if you say its better than an Reese’s Egg.

Listen, I’m a reasonable man, I respect people’s opinions, but saying the Reese’s Peanut Butter Egg isn’t the best seasonal candy is basically saying the sky isn’t blue or that you don’t love Jesus. You don’t want to be an asshole who hates Jesus raving about a neon green sky now do you? I didn’t think so.

Now excuse me as I go find one of these giant Reese’s Eggs and continue my quest towards Type II Diabetes.