Saturday, August 23, 2014

If Governor Perry's Guns Are Taken Away, the Terrorists Win. No, Really.

As you may have heard, Texas Governor Dick Perry is under indictment for abuse of power and being a complete tool.

Those goggles are just plain douchey.

Hey! Guess what folks who under felony indictments can't do?

They can't have guns!

Whatchoo talkin' 'bout, Willis?

Dick Perry likes guns.

The bigger the better.

He likes guns a lot.

The poster child for totally-not-batshit-crazygun owners.

Dick Perry loves guns.

And Jesus and fetuses.

But he can't have 'em until after the trial. And if he winds up being a convicted felon...no more guns for Dick Perry ever!

Let's get on with making being named Ted Nugent a felony.

Now, it's by no means a certain thing that Dick Perry will be convicted on charges that he used state funding to try to coerce a political opponent to resign. When I stop laughing about this, I do plan to write a serious analysis of all the twists and turns in this strange case. It's fascinating, and it's frustrating, and it deserves thoughtful attention.

But today I'm still laughing about the government taking Dick Perry's guns.

Now when he tells the ladies to look at the gun show,he'll actually have to show them his arms.

In case you didn't know, Dick Perry has decided that 'Murica is not quite as jeopardized by the flood of refugee children from Central America as he thought (particularly since the flood has slowed to a trickle, and the word "trickle" does not make for good sound bites). So he's come up with a new reason to keep the National Guard deployed along the Texas-Mexico border: Because ISIS is fixin' to cross the Rio Grande, y'all!

Turns out Islamic extremists love the little old bandfrom Texas. Must be the beards.

Despite the fact that literally no one thinks there's a shred of plausibility to Dick Perry's dire warning, this is what he's going with to distract us from that pesky corruption trial. Personally, I think it should be one of the main planks of his platform when he runs for President in 2016.

1 comment:

Der Führer can just ask der Westboro Baptist Church to help him fight them jihadist ragheads in Texas rather than go all der way to Eyerack to get their heads cut off as they're planning. And then when there's a war on he can keep his guns von der legitimate self-defence. Yo.