And before I'm closed / relocated, let me get the attention of Valve and say

"Hey! You could maybe find an unobtrusive way to make money off of this!"But golly I hope not...

So now that we know I'm safe, hear me out. The biggest fear we regulars have for tf2 is that it will experience power creep and eventually go pay2win, essentially reducing this game to...
Gosh, I dunno. Something terrible.
We see evidence of these with every passing patch, certain items remaining uncraftable or available solely through Mann. Co. store. We complain about Valve not paying attention to the community's needs and desires, choosing instead on creating a money empire.
Frankly, we aren't seeing much indication that Valve has any intention of turning this money-grubbing behavior around. Maybe they'll slow the advance, but it is clear that we are headed to a new age of... money stuff.

"Fine," I say. "Fine, let them change the game. But if they want to make changes, they might as well do it with style."
What I am proposing is this:
So long as Valve is going to slowly infringe upon the already well-established world of tf2, the mercenaries might as well show some sort of awareness of it, the times changing around them while they remain stoic and resolute. How will Heavy react to the influx of popular internet culture? What does Soldier do to cope with the degradation of traditional American values?
Upon logging in to TF2, we will be able to see a psychological review of every mercenary's well-being. A theoretical example of this idea is displayed below...

Steam is launching Team Fortress 2...
*Various loading screens; arrive at home page*Welcome to Team Fortress 2! While you were gone...
*Demoman has increased consumption of Scrumpy by 2 bottles. His BAC is dangerously close to the lethal limit. Consider buying him a shiny new hat to distract him from his heart-wrenching pain!
*Pyro is having issues with gender-identification. All damage reduced by 5% until s/he recovers.
*Engineer's Ph.Ds are useless in today's modern scientific communities -- send him back to college with a generous donation of $100 (receive a mortarboard hat!)

From here I figure the community will be open to just about ANY alternatives, because this system so clearly panders to players to buy, buy, BUY.
But here's where the plan was hidden all along!
After issuing a public apology, Valve will reveal that all along they intended for TF2 to be a slice-of-life simulator (something in the veins of The Sims), and hats were just the first nudge in this direction; however, due to fears that this sort of FPS-Simulation hybrid would be received poorly as a concept too ahead of its time, Robin Walker never gave the go-ahead to finish the game. The community will be begging for sweet, sweet release from the agony that was Pay2Win... or really, pay2keeptheteamsane.
The move will go through without a hitch, and TF2 can finally be what it was always meant to be:
Team Super Animal Fortress Cooking Mama Crossing World-Land Party 2, episode 2, part 2.

Basically, this will allow Valve to cut to the chase. If they want to contact me in regards to working out some kind of agreement in exchange for intellectual property rights (I masterminded the idea), I am willing to negotiate.

Discuss ideas on how to prevent pay2win, power creep, and getting TF2 out of hand.

Frankly, I don't see any of this power creep. There are a few weapons that are overpowered (Enforcer, GRU come to mind), but it doesn't seem anywhere near intentional on Valve's part, nor is there really any indication that this will become a pay2play game. The fact that there are relatively few weapons that are widely considered to be OP is a testament to the balancing aspect of the game, and Valve is working on fixes for some of them, if not slower than I'd personally like.

EDIT: Just read that it was a joke. soooo I'ma just leave this here then

DOUBLE EDIT: No wait, the joke was the entire storyline, I think, or something. So the post stands as is.