Heres
your quickie I'm-not-sure-if-I've-been-paying-attention-this-offseason-or-not NFL
preview for the 2014 season. Teams are listed in their predicted finish in
their division.

AFC
East

New
England Patriots  On top until proven otherwise. I barely have to edit this
column from year to year thanks to good quarterbacks. Unfortunately, at some
point this column does have to rate the teams in the AFC South. Anyway, Tom
Brady is all it'll take in this division. They actually should be better than
last year.

Miami
Dolphins  They seem to have trouble getting over the hump and into the
playoffs. Let's run with that theme again for this year. 9-7.

New
York Jets  It's been a relatively quiet off-season, which is usually good news
for their blustery coach. Third place!

Buffalo
Bills  I'm hoping Kyle Orton gets to play. He was underrated as Denver's QB. Still,
what's not a question mark on this team? The Bills haven't finished with 7 wins
since 2008, outside of the cellar since 2007, and with a winning record since
2004. Still rooting for them to make the playoffs for the first time since the
2nd millennium. Won't get those 7 wins this year, either, though.

AFC
North

Pittsburgh
Steelers  My continuing logic on Pittsburgh is that its an every-other-year
kind of team. Three years ago was their let-down year because they didn't
make the Super Bowl, so two years ago should have been good, but they finished
8-8. And last year they finished 8-8 despite fielding a Halloween show of
injuries and terrible-ness. They've missed the playoffs two years in a row!
That means they DEFINITELY have to be better this year, despite not doing
anything in the offseason to actually improve. Playoffs, here comes Pittsburgh!
To summarize, no playoffs the last two years. No Super Bowl three years ago.
12-4 the year before. 9-7 the year before that. 12-4 the year before that. The
best 8-8 team ever the year before that. The Super Bowl team the year before
that. How long will I keep updating this text from year to year?

Baltimore
Ravens  You read it right here that these guys wouldn't make the playoffs last
year. This year I think they're going to return. Not because I want them to,
but because everyone else is so weak.

Cincinnati
Bengals  They've gotten better each year with Dalton at QB. Is it just me or
does it seem like there weren't a lot of moves for anybody this offseason? I
think this year they take a step back.

Cleveland
Browns  It feels like Cleveland is trying to dump on the season a la the
Philadelphia 76ers. Hoyer is the quarterback for now, right? Didn't he look
good last year in two games before getting hurt? Was that the guy? I'll predict
5 wins again. They had 4 last year, so apparently I think too highly of these
guys.

AFC
South

Houston
Texans  A terrible year last year. Who would've seen a two-win season? They
were in a lot of close games. Let's put them in first and see if they can do
it.

Indianapolis
Colts  I'm not quite certain how they won 11 games last year or the year
before. Could be a 10-win team this year without a running game.

Tennessee
Titans  Prolly'll be bad. Right? 5-11 seems about right.

Jacksonville
Jaguars  Entrenched at the bottom of this division (last year being an
anomaly). They last had a winning record in 2007, and last won this division in
1999. With Blaine Gabbert at the helm, I think, I would pick up opposing
defenses if you've got a fantasy football team.

AFC
West

Denver
Broncos  It's Super Bowl or bust for these guys. The offense has to be worse
than last year, though the defense has to be better. 13 wins again.

San
Diego Chargers  I had San Diego correctly in the playoffs last year. Many
folks are picking them this year as their sleeper. I have them just outside of
the playoffs this year.

Kansas
City Chiefs  8-8.

Oakland
Raiders  Bad again.

NFC
East

Washington
Redskins  This is always the toughest division to predict. Everyone seems like
an 8-8 team every year. You want to root for RGIII. I want to root for RGIII.
Let's put him at the top of this division and wish it so. Folks are actually
saying that he's not a good quarterback. Not sure how one could draw such a
conclusion. Let's go RGIII!!! 8-8.

Philadelphia
Eagles  Remember two years when a lot of folks predicted Philly would make the
Super Bowl. Har har har! People say their offense will be awesome. 8-8.

Dallas
Cowboys  Not sure what they'll be trotting out there other than Romo. Exciting
they are! 8-8.

New
York Giants  Had their first losing season last year since 2004. Can't think
of anything they did to improve. 7-9.

NFC
North

Green
Bay Packers  Oh, how I root for the Detroit Lions offense to be explosive. And
for Cutler and Forte and the Bears to put a full season together. And for
Adrian Peterson to keep running. But Green Bay is still the class of this
division. (You'll note that this is the text I used last year.)

Chicago
Bears  Somehow managed to avoid the playoffs two years ago despite winning 10
games. Then went 8-8 last year. Run, Forte, run! Do us all proud! It's just
that competing for a wild card in the brutal NFC is going to be a feat. A feat
they'll accomplish! No, j/k. But we here at DimeBrothers wish them all the
best.

Detroit
Lions  Look around the NFL and it's tough to find teams that play defense. How
can so many teams be so bad at it? Finished 7-9 last year with a plus 19 point
differential. Outside of the playoffs again this year. They need more
dimensions.

New
Orleans Saints  A solid 11-5 showing last year. I think the same will be good
enough for this division.

Carolina
Panthers  I love me some Cam Newton. I still only see 8-8. But I also see
playoffs. So my revised "seeing" is 10-6. Steve Smith is gone. I'm
saddened. But Cam Newton is enough to sneak in as the sixth playoff team.

Atlanta
Falcons  Underwhelmingly good. 1st or 2nd in this division since Matt Ryan
came to town in 2008, then a stinker 4-12 season last year. I just don't see
them ahead of New Orleans or Carolina this year. Sorry guys. No playoffs for
you.

Tampa
Bay Buccaneers  Comfortably settled in at the bottom of this division. They've
earned it again this year, too.

NFC
West

Seattle
Seahawks  I'm still upset about their playoff win from 4 seasons ago.
Remember? When they won 7 games and hosted a playoff game?!? I think they'll
finish first in this division. My spite is running out, so I'll actually list
them here at the top of their division. They didn't get any worse from last
year. In fact, how did they lose 3 games at all? 14-2.

San
Francisco 49ers  What'll they do, who'll they be, with Kaepernick at QB? How
do we still not know? Second place in the division. I think 12 wins can be
accomplished.

St.
Louis Rams  Bradford has gotten seriously good at letting us all down every
year. Wait--huh? They won 7 games last year!!! That should be seen as a success
in the toughest division on the planet. We've heard talk about that D-line, and
that's all we'll continue to hear about. Cellar dwellers.

This
year looks very similar to last year. I'm rooting for Denver unrealistically and
hope that doing so will make a Super Bowl victory a reality. I'm one-for-four so
far with predicting Super Bowl winners, having predicted Green Bay (Green Bay
won), then New Orleans (the Giants of New York), then Green Bay (Baltimore),
then Denver (Seattle won). Good thing I've got a day job.