Ask E. Jean: How to Cultivate Sex Appeal in 10 Steps

Practice. Practice. Practice.

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Dear E. Jean: My stats: Married, successful, life of the party, dotty in an endearing way, blah, blah, blah. (Self-praise is no recommendation, I know.) However, I do not have the "sexy gene." I simply can not turn on "the heat" at will. And I do want to turn it on for my husband. I read your column every month and giggle and blush, but what about advice for people in my situation? I can dress sexy, light candles, etc., but those things seem disingenuous to me. Help!
—Need a Do-Over

You adorable dimwit: Are you kidding? Everyone's in your situation. Basically, it all boils down to Woody Allen's lines in Love and Death:

Countess Alexandrovna: You are the greatest lover I've ever had.

Boris: Well, I practice a lot when I'm alone.

It's that simple. (And that complicated.) How do you practice? Sexy girls turn on "the heat" by thinking about sex. So just follow Auntie Eeee's 10 Easy Steps to Personal Climate Control:

7. Call up racy fantasy of comely prom queen (or king) with whom you went to high school seducing you in the varsity pool...or three handsome strangers undressing you in the Yellowstone Park hot springs.

8. Open bathroom door.

9. Moan husband's name.

10. Let him towel you dry...everywhere.

These steps also work while doing the dishes, washing the dog, etc. You are responsible for delivering the jolt to your own libido. The better you become at creating saucy thoughts—particularly when you slip in practice sessions while waiting in line at the bank or sitting on a boring conference call—the more stimulated you'll be. And the more stimulated you are, the more you'll long for sex, and the more you long for sex, the easier it will be to turn on "the heat" for your husband. Enjoy!