Book characters I would fight! – Inspired by Paperback Dreams

Not much of a preamble for this: I saw this over on Paperback Dreams and thought it would be fun to do. Especially after I’ve been talking about being all girly…

I thought it was time for a transformation!

I think you’re supposed to see a load of characters and decide whether you want to fight them- but I figured why not just take down a bunch of peeps I really don’t like. Let’s go for the traditional twelve rounds in the ring shall we…

Round 1

Dolores Umbridge– she deserves a smackdown even more than Voldy- am I right?!

Round 2

Joffrey Baratheon– there are a lot of villains worthy of being beaten up in Westeros- however I don’t think I could even manage to lay down the law with the likes of Cersei, let alone anyone else. Joffrey on the other hand is not only a total weasel, he’s also a bit of a wuss- I think I could take him

Round 3

America– THE MOST ANNOYING CHARACTER EVER! Supposedly in the prime position to help save her country and marry a prince, this “charming” whinger spends three books deciding which bloke she prefers.

Round 4

Jacob Black– Ok I put him on this list knowing full well I couldn’t win. I dunno, I could distract him with pictures of babies and maybe I’d have a chance… see why I’d want to fight this one now?

Round 5

Humbert Humbert– speaking of perverts, this one would deserve it more than most. If I’d made it this far, I think my worry wouldn’t so much be his strength as that he’s a slippery snake and I’m not sure I could beat him there.

Round 6

President Snow– I don’t think the odds are in my favour for this one- yet he seems keen on poison- maybe I could try that?

Round 7

Lydia Gwilt– talking of poison instantly brought this villainess to mind. Her villainy stems more from cunning, so I reckon this fight would be more about outwitting her.

Round 8

Tamlin– moving on to brute force, I don’t stand a chance of winning this, BUT Tamlin is officially the WORST example of an alpha male in fiction and I gotta give it my best shot. Now, I recently heard Maas saying this was intentional and he was designed to be a douchbag (although, while I can rest easy in the comfort I WAS RIGHT ALL ALONG, it does make some of the things Rhys does in book 1 more questionable). Regardless, I reckon I’d even have the author’s approval for this one.

Round 9

Alec D’Urberville– on a similar note, this guy is a douchbag and deserves a beat down.

Round 10

Alexander– ugh this two timing creep perving on the mc totally deserves a smack round the head- at the very least!

Round 11

Father John– because blech!

Round 12

Scarlett O’Hara– this might be the least popular choice I make, cos she’s technically a heroine. But after recently reading the book, I had to go with it. Granted she could probably kill me (and doubtless wouldn’t blink at it) but she’s a terrible person and she’d deserve it.

Phew, that was more exhausting than I expected! And I think I got my ass whooped a few times there. But it was worth it. Do you agree or disagree with any of my choices? Which characters would you chance if you got the chance? Let me know in the comments!

I’d pay to see America get smacked around. But then I think she’d probably break pretty easily and spend inordinate amount of time whining about it. She and Joffrey would probably work really well together now that I think about it. I love Scarlett but girls scrappy and quick though so watch your back!

hahahah me too! She definitely would! LOL! hehehe that’s the funniest ship I have ever heard and it works so well- I love it!! hehe I can understand that- the thing is I think she’s a great character- but I also really didn’t like her as a person, so yeah, I’d fight her 😂

I’d clobber Dolores Umbridge and Joffrey Baratheon. I haven’t read “Lolita” or seen either of the film adaptations (although I’ve got a copy of the book in my collection and I’ve been meaning to read it for ages) but since Humbert is a pedo he seems like a pretty good one to kick the crap out of too. 😛

I totally agree with the Joffrey, President Snow and Jacob needing a beat down. Cersei definitely makes me angry on GOT but I cheered when Joffrey finally got his. Ugh! I will also say I agree with Scarlett O’Hara. She may not need a beat down but a serious slap across the face. The way she walks all over people to get what she wants … I just want to shake her!

hehehe really glad you agree!! I do agree about Cersei, but somehow I think I’d have even less chance in a fight with her 😉 (she’d fight so dirty lol! 😂😂😂) Ahh I’m so so glad you agree!! I mean, I think she’s a really well constructed character, but she’s so bad!!

I probably wouldn’t win bc I have no idea how to fight, but it would be worth it to absolutely deck Humbert Humbert, fueled by nothing but blind rage and disgust at that entire book 🤷‍♀️ I fully support you in fighting all of these characters

I’m not really a fighter (sometimes I can be too much of a pushover to even stand up for myself) but there are definitely some bookish characters I think I’d be willing to fight (whether I’d win the fight is another matter all together). 🙂
Dolores Umbridge is definitely worse than Voldemort (if it came down to a choice between the two of them I’d fight her before him. Also I agree completely with what you said about Tamlin, I’m not really a fan of overly alpha male characters but he’s one of the worst.
Great post. 🙂 ❤

heheheh yeah I should probably have clarified that I’d have been beaten up in all these situations 😂😂😂 But I’m hotheaded enough to get in a fight with a few of these people 😉 Jk, I would probably run screaming 😂😂😂 hahaha so relate!
I’m so glad you agree with me there!
Thank you! 🙂 ❤

lol you really saved the most controversial one for last — I was like yeah! yeah! yeah! beat that guy — waitaminute…scarlett!! noooo! I haven’t actually read the book, so I don’t have a strong opinion but my general feeling is that she needs a good talkin’ to rather than a beatdown haha.

hehehe yup I did 😉 hahaha well fair enough. The thing is, I saw the movie before and thought she was more sympathetic there. And I do think she’s a well written character- I just hated her so much lol!!!

Man, what a great list of beatable people. For some of those less than likely to be beatable jackases, I don’t think it would be out of the realm of possibility that a “friend” might just slip you a gun with some silver bullets and regular ones too 😉

First of all, Round 3 had me giggling like a maniac because it is so British lmao. And then uncontrollable laughter ensued when I read what you would do to defeat Jacob Black. LMAO!!! Seriously though, I’m so with you on H. Humbert. The guy was a sleazy creep and deserves a serious beat down!!!

hehehe I wanted to- but at the same time I thought that they’re kind of used to being trampled all over and would just roll over too easily- like you said you could take them down at the same time- I fancied more of a challenge 😉

I was drinking tea this morning, reading your blog while procrastinating working on my book, as I like to do, and nearly did a spit take when I read this “I could distract him with pictures of babies and maybe I’d have a chance.” So hilarious. Worth endangering my laptop. Thank you.

Need an extra pair of hands to beat up Humbert? I’m game.
When Tyrion slapped Joffrey, I felt that.
Scarlett is a bitch. But I love that bitch. I ain’t never gonna stop loving that bitch. She’s the only bitch I’m going to make an exception for because I do find her quite relatable with her love of dancing, unrelenting energy for dancing, and her business mind. But then again… how could she do that to Melly? If Ashley just died in that war… ugh. I hate Ashley more.