Success Story - An Update on a Previous Dating Post

Hey Everyone,

I made a post a while back about my failures in the dating world after going bald. I promised that I would not stop trying until I could return with some success, so here I am. Here are the posts if you'd like to take a look at them:

I'm 23 years old, and when it comes to dating around my age, physical appearance seems to be extremely important. I have had people flat out tell me that they do not like bald people, that they would never date a bald person, and that they find the look nasty (all while I had a hat on so they had no idea they were actually speaking to one themselves lol). I've gone through rejections specifically because of my baldness, regardless of my personality (you can go through the two posts above to see what I mean). Not to mention, I am also short, which doesn't help at all.

I've been told many times on reddit that I'm the problem and the way I carry myself is the reason for the issues and have been told 10000x that it's all about "confidence". I am 100% sure that confidence plays a massive role in attracting people, however, there are just advantages that comes from looking more physically attractive/ youthful that can not be obtained though even the most brilliant personalities. Human beings are animals too - and just like animals, we tend to gravitate to those who have good genetics or treat them very differently. Don't believe me? Go to website call Google.com and check out this application call "Instagram". Still not convinced? Walk outside.

I began losing my hair at about 16/17 and lost all the hair on the top of my head by the age of 20/21. Unfortunately, I didn't loose the hair on the sides and even after shaving, I've been told that I look like I'm 30, 32, 33 etc., and this has caused so much trouble in the dating world because I simply did not look my age.

Anyways, I knew that I was a very confident person and I'm pretty cool to hang around with but felt I was always not given a chance because of how I look (mind you, I am very physically fit and go to the gym), so I decided to go for online dating instead since I figured I'd at least be able to express myself though writing before I am rejected for being bald, short, etc. (by the way, I've been told to my face by different women that the only reason they are rejecting me is because I'm bald and/or short. This was separate from the other occasions with a hat on).

On the dating site, I never posted a picture of my face and yet, I was able to have conversations with about 8 women at once sometimes. I got really good at this stuff lol, and I was ultimately just being myself. I was never one to try and be with multiple women at the same time so I narrowed my conversations down to one girl who I wound up meeting and I still speak to today. This would have been the end of the thread, but I have more to share:

Before meeting her, I managed to meet (in real life - separate from online dating) 2 other girls who I met through friends on separate occasions. One of them even actually APPROACHED ME! I got along very well with them and things were awesome!

They laughed at my jokes :) They were invested in our conversations both texting and in person :) They wanted to meet up some time for a dates :)

However, one very big problem.... They've only seen me with a hat on. For me, this was it - I finally have two different girls (again, this was on separate occasions and not at the same time) who have gotten the chance to know me, are very kind, very pretty, from very different walks of life, and they both seemed to like me quite a lot. They've already seen how confident I am and how I conduct myself socially and we managed to click on many different levels.

I decided to not have a hat on the next time they see me...

I will never forget the look on their face. Shit kinda haunts me a bit. But being a cool gent, I made a joke out of it and actually played it very cool - I made sure things weren't awkward and we proceeded to have a nice date.

They never spoke to me again.

Now, I'm not saying that this is the experience for everyone, however, being bald (no hairline at all) in your early 20s is a VERY different experience from being bald in your 30's or 40s etc.

While all of this was happening, I was in the process of possibly getting something called SMP (scalp micro pigmentation). It's a tattoo on you're head (although with different ink and a different machine) that provides the illusion of hair. Those two experiences above were the icing on the big pile of bullshit I've gone through because of my lack of hair - So I decided to get it done.

BEST DECISION OF MY LIFE THUS FAR. The shit really looks like I have hair and It is extremely undetectable. Some people honestly thought it was a hair transplant or rogaine, and others simply do not believe it is a tattoo even after planting their face on my head lol.

I've been recently called handsome, good looking, people seem to treat me better without me saying a word, and that I look like I'm "In you're early 20s" as oppose to 30s, etc.

Anyways, things have been going very well and I'm as happy as can be. Thank you to those that provided great advice in the other threads! I finally feel normal again and that's a feeling I haven't felt in ages. I'm still bald, but I look a lot younger and it's awesome.

EXTRA SHIT YOU DON'T HAVE TO READ: The reason why being bald tends to look weird, is because you no longer have a frame for your face. The human eye is able to detect even the most subtle things in a personas face, and when someone no longer has a hairline, it gives the eye a bit of trouble in recognizing when someone's face begins and ends. There is a very big difference between This and This. I looked like the first pic and now that I have a hairline, I now look closer to the second (without the handsome Matt Damon genetics of course lol).

Although I completely agree that looks matter, I am not convinced that hair is paramount to making you an attractive man.

Evolutionary psychology states that men are attracted to women purely on looks, but women are attracted to a man based on how 'resourceful' they are. This essentially means women are primarily attracted to self confidence, success, ambition, intelligence etc. All of these are just as, if not more important than looks.

I thought about doing SMP, but decided i would invest my time and attention in other areas of my life. I am 22 now and nearly fully bald, but still get women on a regular basis.

It will be interesting to see if this SMP treatment alone has any effect on your dating life, but I would strongly suggest that it wont

I agree that evolution has shown us some rather "instinctual" ways human beings go about dating.

However, evolution (thus far) did take the internet and the global interactivity of human beings into consideration.

The time period we currently live in is very different from the past, and dating today is vastly different from dating anytime before 20 years ago. Although I agree that women may look into the resourcefulness of a man, they are also heavily inclined to take into consideration the genetics of a potential mate. Actually, women care just as much, if not, more than men when it comes to genetics. The reason being is because, naturally, women only have 1 egg to foster and once they are impregnated, they have to dedicate about 9 months of their lives just to birth the child, not to mention take care of the child after birth.

In our current generation, looks are VERY important (as much as we like to say otherwise). It actually HEAVILY impacts your life. The more attractive you are, the easier it becomes to fit into social circles, which also leads to social encouragement, people gravitate towards you, women are more attracted to you, employers are more inclined to hire you because you can/ will represent the organization etc... Knowing this, it would be better have offspring that will have such a big advantage, which also increases the chances of those kids growing up and mating. A lot of this may happen subconsciously.

Just take a look at height - something some people swear isn't important actually IS important. It's not like I'm pulling this shit out of my ass - we could literally look up average income by height and see the disparity between shorter and taller men.

So why is dating different? Women now-a-days, given the history of oppression, feel VERY self-entitled. They are not afraid at all to flat out reject people based on height, hair, face, etc. and then even SAY IT OUT LOUD why they rejected based on looks. To them, it's something that is now socially acceptable even in the work space. Not to mention, the online dating world and the ability to constantly communicate and stay in touch with people has provided women with the opportunity of more mating partners... A LOT MORE...... A RIDICULOUS AMOUNT MORE. Back then in the pre-internet era, Joe only had to compete with the few men that would approach a girl in a given day IF they get they managed to get her LAND LINE phone number and IF they managed to have a nice schedule to speak with each other, and IF they managed to stay in touch....

NOW??? LOL... Competition is insane. Women are given the ability to literally cherry pick from dozens (even hundreds with online dating). They don't FEEL inclined to give not-so-genetically-gifted Joe a shot because they already have like 10 guys from Instagram, another 10 from facebook, another 5 from school, another 3 from work, 4 that might have approached them in person to get their number etc. AND GIVEN THE INTER-CONNECTIVITY OF OUR GENERATION, they can EASILY maintain ALL of those relationships. So you are no longer competing with 3-4 men like in the pre-internet/cell phone era, you are now competeting with 10 to 15+. This could be even more the longer she is alive and connects with more people.

So you can begin seeing why attractiveness becomes important because you are no longer as special as you may think you are to this one individual. Have a job? Awesome! Doing well for yourself? Awesome.... but get in line buddy because there are many other men who are in the same boat and can also be much more attractive than you. Not to mention, they DON'T EVEN HAVE TO BE IN THE SAME STATE OR EVEN THE SAME PART OF THE WORLD.... shit is crazy now.

Anyways, hair is important for many different reasons, but one of the main reasons is because it is also attached to the idea of youth. I don't want to make this post longer than it is, but just know that if Sarra has to pick between 2 men (among the many) who are doing very well for themselves and have awesome personalities, you best believe she will be picking "Bea" over the guy who is not as genetically gifted (hair, height, face, etc). Hair has a massive impact on that perception (up until a certain age, where it then beings to diminish... but we are in our early 20's... best believe it matters for now bro). Now, this might not apply for every bald person, but it impacts you whether you like it or not. It'd hard to see because women also want to maintain this idea of "I only care about personality"... but sit down with several dozen women who have said this in social settings and ask them to have a blunt conversation with you 1 on 1... Trust men, the truth is not an easy pill to swallow. But, I live in New York, which has a very superficial kind of culture so that certainly changes things too.

Propecia is the brand name and finasteride is the actual drug :) it's all fear mongering tbh, only around 2% of people get side effects and once you get off the drug they stop. I would already be on it but no doctor would prescribe it to me because of my age. I'm 20 now so might get on it.

It's a pretty effective drug and can basically freeze your hairloss for a good few years. I'm pretty much bald right now but the stubble makes a big difference.

I'm so happy for you man, I don't know if you remember me but we talked fairly extensively on some of your old posts and I remember advocating SMP because my Uncle was thrilled with his results.

I'm stoked for you man, I'm pretty much just waiting to fully fully lose the top of my head hair (I'm like 75% thinned out but I still have a hairline especially when I shave) so I can design a completely new hairline and don't have to mask my remaining one.

If I may ask how much it ran you and for a picture? Many bald/balding men still fear this procedure and I feel like great stories like yours as a reborn man deserve a picture of that expensive fancy hairline!

The procedure ran me a little less than $3000 and I'll be PMing you a pic so you can check it out for yourself. The price all depends on how much you are thinning up top. I am practically completely gone up top so it makes quite a big difference.

Need to convince yourself you did the right thing by posting this essay

Not that there's a problem with any of that, but doing it on a public forum is probably just gonna lead guys down a similar path. Not that that's a bad thing, but I get the feeling it doesn't look that great anyway and 1&2 are probably gonna be the same as when you started in a couple of months.

Thought this sub was the bald guy hoo rah center. I wouldve expect this from /r/tressless. But this is pretty much a drawn out, nice-guy phrased "You guys are ugly because I cant get girls. You all should get surgery."

Fair enough but here is where I think you may be off on your assumptions:

This WAS ONCE true. Now that I was able to get one (or at least share time/ experiences with one) it's no longer anywhere near my top priorities like it used to be. I no longer feel that need to pursue because a massive reason for pursing so hard in the first place was because of curiosity and lack of experience.

You have no idea how wrong you are about that. Again, WAS ONCE True, but that was actually in high school/ early college. I was actually a very outwardly confident individual even when I was bald and tend to always be the leader in any field I'm in or any group i'm around. However, I was very unconformable with the way I looked which took a toll on my confidence, but my confidence was never completely diminished and is now much stronger than it every was.

Simply because I love psychology, I can't deny that that is a possibility. As much as I'd like to believe that I have this new found happiness or excitement that is coming from my own accord, it is very much a possibility that my brain is just performing some sort of cognitive dissonance in regards to now being happy with or without a SO. However, this could apply to ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING, so what would be the purpose?

This is kinda the same thing as #3. Again, I don't feel like I need an excuse for anything. All of this happened about a month ago and I honestly was not going to make a post at all but I had promised some people that I would so I decided to write my experience.

As for not looking so good - I think it looks awesome, which increases my confidence; what else matters? I've PM'd some folks a pic of what it looks like and I even told someone it was a tattoo on my head yesterday and he told me to "shut up, what are you talking about?". It's very difficult to detect and i'm happy with it.

Also, I am not calling anyone ugly, I just wasn't happy with the look and I've shared my experience of what people have said to me directly or how they would treat/ react to me. Again, I'm from NY, which has a massive impact of my experience and perception of life as mentioned in previous posts.