Pointy thing that is the heart of the Arthurian legend

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Visitors to Glastonbury Tor are often understandably concerned about the availability of lavatories. After all, who wants to have their visit to this mystical peak cut short because of the need to search for a loo?

Prior to the closure of St Michael’s Prison, the lack of toilet facilities wasn’t such a problem, because under certain circumstances visitors were allowed to use the facilities at the jail. But with their disappearance, the lack of toilets within 32 miles of Glastonbury Tor has started to create difficulties for visitors with weaker bladders.

And because of government cuts the free Park And Pee bus shuttle service has been suspended.

“The earth mother has a lot of explaining to do” fretted Chief Inspector Wilkinson of the Glastonbury constabulary this afternoon at a press briefing. Wilkinson was clearly struggling to hide his frustration.

This was after an enchanted troupe of new age revellers gathered yesterday on Glastonbury Tor to usher in the third quarter solstice. At times up to twenty five people could be seen dancing, dressed as druids, faeries and pixies, as mists rolled in over the Summerland Meadows and the sun set, casting a beam of light through the windows of St. Michael’s Tower into the mystical stone circle where the revellers celebrated their mythological deity.

Chief Inspector Wilkinson described the disturbing events that then unfolded; “All the evidence indicates this was just your standard third quarter solstice earth mother dance, but I don’t think the revellers were expecting darkness to fall quite as quickly as it did yesterday evening. Their traditional Saxon candles didn’t provide anything like the kind of illumination that was required and soon pandemonium ensued. The police were called, and two revellers arrested for behaviour likely to cause an affray.”

But worse was to come, explained Wilkinson; “When everyone had calmed down a bit and were gathering up their robes and other mystical possessions it soon became apparent that one member of the troupe, Earth Sister Skie Dragonclore had completely disappeared. A detailed police search failed to find the missing reveller, but did turn up a mystical heat-singed agate birthstone at the place she was last seen.”

New age troupe leader Hannah Proudfeet who attended the police press briefing was quick to step in – “Agate was Skie’s birthstone, and the only possible explanation is that she was transmutated during our mystical dance into her birthstone, and we hope one day she will regain her earthly form”.

Not letting his frustration get the better of him, Chief Inspector Wilkinson summed up for the press attendees; “If you pop down to Homebase you can pick up a two million candle power torch for only fifteen quid. If you’re going to dance on the Tor, I’m sorry, I mean mountain now, don’t I… if you’re going to dance on the mountain, please bring enough lighting to see what you’re doing”.

As the press briefing ended, Proudfeet could be seen cradling the agate stone, chanting a mystical incantation. Only time will tell if the magical curse that has afflicted Earth Sister Skie will be reversed at the next quarter solstice.

Glastonbury Tor near Glastonbury in Somerset - "The Tor"

St. Michael's Tower sits on top of Glastonbury Tor in Somerset. This mystical hill with seven deep terraces sits in the heart of Summerland Meadows, within the Somerset Levels. The myths of the Neolithic labyrinth of tunnels below the tor, running all the way to the Abbey in Glastonbury, haunted by druids and fairies create a sense of magic. This misty sacred holy hill overlooks Stone Down with its famous gift shop, and was known in ancient times as the Isle of Avalon. The mystical and magical ancient Britons named this magical spot Ynys yr Afalon, the mystical centre of the legend of King Arthur. The Tor has been rumoured to be the venue for the next Glastonbury Festival although this has yet to be confirmed.