Sunday, April 13, 2008

Sammich, With Bevvies, To Go (A Urinary Tale)

There's a loud rip as the diaper is torn and yanked out from between her legs, and then a thud as it lands at my feet.

"I no need diaper."

"I would rather you wear a diaper."

"No."

"Then you need to wear your Dora pants."

"No. I fine. I put pee-pee in toilet."

Fine, I think. Whatever. I'm too far exhausted to wrestle her into a diaper, and far too mentally and emotionally spent to invite another tantrum. And isn't there some sort of toilet-training method that involves just letting your kid run around naked and piss on the floor and it's all like attachment-potty-training or some such shit? Whatever. I GIVE UP.

Five minutes later, I notice that she has a small plastic cup - a bath toy - clutched between her knees.

"What are you doing with the cup, sweetie?"

"I just HOLDING IT. I FINE. YOU DON'T TAKE IT AWAY."

Whatever.

Two minutes later, my attention - heretofore entirely occupied by the critical task of figuring out whether to hoist my massive, belly-heavy self to its feet and down to the kitchen for more chocolate, and risk distracting the hellion from her concentrated effort to balance wooden fried eggs between wooden slices of bread and create the perfect fake fried egg sandwich, or to just stay safely and comfortably put - is captured by the sound of a single stream of rain hitting an empty plastic bucket.

It's not raining. And we have no buckets.

Wonderbaby has abandoned her toy kitchen cum sandwich station and is standing with chubby naked legs spread, both of her little hands clutching the plastic cup directly beneath her nether regions, and is peeing into the cup. She waits for the stream to run its course, and then waits another moment to catch the drips, and then marches blithely past me, out of the playroom and into the bathroom, where - as I continue to watch, in stunned, immobile silence - she carefully pours the contents of the cup into the toilet and flushes.

"I PUT PEE-PEE IN TOILET MAMA. I ALL DONE."

Then she washes her hands, and leaves the cup in the bathroom sink. She returns to her post in the playroom, where she puts the wooden slices of bread stacked with wooden fried eggs on a little wooden plate, dashes some imaginary salt from the toy shaker over it all, and hands it to me.

LOL - several times. I say, count this as a success. She's showing good bladder control. This cup thing must just be some safe transition to the potty/toilet for her. Maybe she just wants to be in complete control of the pee.

Actually I have to agree with the others that said this looks like progress. Really. She knows she's not supposed to pee on the floor. She knows the pee is supposed to go in the toilet. She just apparently hasn't mastered the bit that involves sitting on the toilet.

Not that that's much consolation when your kid just peed in a drinking cup, but, you know . . . dishwashers do sterilize things pretty well ;)

I am snorting because I am laughing so hard. This one is seriously smart. Too smart for your own good.

But think of it this way: although you'll have to worry about what her creative and energetic efforts will produce, you'll never have to worry about her peeing on the floor. And there is much to be said for small favors.

It's actually a GREAT thing - WB knows what to do and can recognize the sound. My MIL told me that they trained my husband, who up and decided he hated diapers and was done with them, but then had issues with execution on the toilet, carried around a jar, and it was the fun and excitement of peeing in the jar and dumping it into the toilet that got him trained. I think it's a sign of brilliance, actually. Well done.

Dude, my 2yr son will stand up in the bathtub and pee in the nearest vessel, then hand it to one of us to empty for him. The thought of peeing in the tub horrifies him. I think our kids are little genius' :)

Congratulations! This is just what potty training looks like - you should write a book! She can hold it in and knows it belongs in the potty - you are almost home free. Has she been going to OB appointments with you, where you, you know, pee in a cup?

My son hated the sound of pee hitting the toilet b/c of his SPD, but my friend suggested I put a diaper in his potty to absorb the sound - 3 weeks later he was peeing on the real potty, flushing, washing and reappearing later (still with no pants on, but it was very good progress)

Hilarious! My 3-year old son (who was potty trained long before this) regularly peed in the cat's litter box, until I caught him in the act. His rationale: "well, the cat pees in there". This, after kitty had been the to vet twice for producing an overabundance of pee.

So she actually got it in the cup, emptied it without spilling and washed her own hands, eliminating the need for her pregnant mama to clean up pee off the floor? I would laugh and, perhaps, applaud (just a little). She *is* a wonder.

Laugh, Laugh, and Laugh some more. That little girl of yours is most definitely a Wonderbaby. I agree with the comments, what a thought process, what execution. Not a drop on the floor! Any cup lying around needs to be sterilized! Yeah Wonderbaby!

Oh, Catherine! This is the best thing I have read all night. I can just picture the whole thing...I can almost see Dawson doing something like this. I was laughing so hard that my husband called from the living room, "Are you gonna lay that egg already?" (Okay, maybe I was cackling.)

Then he came over to read it and he says, "wow. this lady can write. funny shit!"

Looks like you have prodigy in your midst. Peeing in a cup with great aim, how can you not be proud. I am with you though with having the kids just run around naked untill they are potty trained and some sort of cleaner pooper picker upper follows them around.

I freaking love this kid!! I'm afraid my own Fatty is going to be this strong willed and then I will just raise the white flag. I can't handle 2 meanie kids. I cannot believe she can pee in a cup!!! I think she'll be there soon :)

With girls, this sort of thing is an art form. The boys? They will take that stream and have at it. When my five-year old needs to pee, he'll yell: "Sword fight" and his big brother and father (yes) will run in and pee too, sword fighting with the streams. I am so sorry I reproduced. Or married?

Oh, that "rip" and "thud" diaper fling ritual sounds ever so familiar. So- now you ask yourself the question, "does a recepticle by any other name still smell as sweet as a proper potty"? and if the answer is "heck no- she got it IN, man!" then walk away smirking that she GOT it...

Cup and all, it still sounds better than how things are going at my house. Ada appears to be holding her urine all afternoon, in order to pee as much as possible while in the bath. Did I mention that toddlers like to drink bath water? Sigh.

Oh wait, that's not fair. She pees other places. Like on purpose on the pillow from the couch. Nice.