Ok so this isn’t exactly a secret. It’s very rare that a man comes to couples therapy unless he’s being dragged along. I don’t think anyone is thrilled about having to show up and divulge the inner workings of their marriage to a stranger but for men it’s excruciating.

This page is predominantly written for men but feel free to read it even if you’re female. I’m sure you’ll find it helpful too.

The one lesson we men learn as we grow up is ‘do not show weakness!’ and here we are expected to ‘tell all’ to a stranger.

Do you fear you’ll never get your guy to agree to counselling?

Are you a guy that really doesn’t want to agree to getting help?

How bad does it need to get before you insist or agree?

Couples therapy is not all that attractive a proposition for many of us and generally things have to get pretty bad before we’re willing to show up asking for help. It’s OK, I understand, I still struggle to ask for directions when I’m looking for a restaurant so I don’t expect you to be excited about the prospect of getting help with your marriage.

That said it’s in your best interests to get some assistance as the real cost of divorce is so much bigger than most people suspect. If you’ve got kids they’re probably going to get raised by another guy, whatever financial strain you’re feeling is about to double and statistically your next marriage will be worse.

Living life in a bunker is no kind of life.

You may or may not remember it but there was a popular Mars and Venus theory years ago about how men need to retreat into their ‘cave’ when feeling upset or threatened. Sometimes as men we need to disappear into the garage, shed, gym or maybe even the pub. What that theory neglected to address was that the real issue is the guy would have generally tried to get heard or understood but it didn’t go so well so he disappeared into safety behind walls.

I have no doubt that at times a man will have been open and honest but somehow his point wasn’t heard and eventually it became easier to just ‘wall off’. Men have become masters at just keeping their head down waiting for the storm to pass. Unfortunately it makes for a really unsatisfactory relationship in the longer term. Stonewalling or emotional withdrawal will always hurt a relationship over time and let’s face it, living in a bunker sucks.

When it comes to a relationship there are five losing strategies that are guaranteed to cause you both heartache and pain. I won’t wait for you to work out what they are and what mistakes you’re making. Relational empowerment therapy is the most directional therapy you’re ever going to find. I will tell you what isn’t working, why it isn’t ever going to work and then I will teach you how to put the winning strategies into place.

I’m of the opinion that if your therapist knows what you ‘should’ be doing differently it’s borderline abusive to not tell you. That said, most therapists will assume they are doing you a favour allowing you to work it out for yourself. I disagree, if you were able to do that you’d have done it years ago.

Do you think men not knowing how to communicate is the problem?

There is a myth that men don’t know how to communicate which is simply inaccurate. If you’ve ever watched a team of guys build a road it’s clear they can communicate very clearly in ways they all understand. It’s just not the same as how women communicate. There’s another myth that says men don’t have feelings and that is also a nonsense, men have a vast array of feelings they were just never taught how to deal with them in a way that works for them.

You would be amazed about the amount of times a couple will show up with the woman adamant that the real issue is her partner’s inability to communicate. I often spend an hour or more with her whilst she fills out his deficiencies and then turn to him expecting some kind of monosyllabic oaf given everything that’s been said about him. In all of my years this has never been true, however what is true is he’s often just given up trying to get heard by her.

If you’re able to look for it you’ll see that men will offer you a glimpse into what’s really going on for them, it’s as if they test the water to work out whether it’s really safe enough to be fully honest. If, as his partner you criticise his efforts to be open with you then guess what, he retreats back into his cave. I can teach both of you how to get past this particular losing strategy very quickly.

One other pet peeve of mine is just how often a woman insists that all she needs is for him to be a little more vulnerable and when he is she stomps all over him. Sometimes I’m amazed that women find men’s withdrawal in any way confusing. My job is to teach both of you how to speak in such a way that you’ll get heard. How to stop arguing and start talking. If all you learned from me was how to make a request instead of a complaint your lives would immediately improve.

Seriously, you think I’ll get something out of this process?

If I didn’t believe I can help I just wouldn’t be doing this, it would just be pointless and frustrating, I’m a guy, I like results too. Experience has taught me that there is just no way this mess you two are in is all your fault. I can however state with some confidence that it’s highly likely you’re not doing yourself any favours on the communication or participation front. The method I’m trained in does not require you to go through long hours of soul searching or self disclosure.

I’m more of a coach than a therapist. I’ll tell you exactly how you are shooting yourself in the foot and more importantly I’ll tell you what to do that will get you what you want. Most couples take 7 years to get help, I hate to say it but that’s generally because the guy involved ignores his partners complaints and demands until she starts down a very convincing path to leaving him. That’s, on average, at least 3 years of absolute misery for both of you within which your only salvation could easily be sports and beer ( Ok, that’s a generalisation, point being, it won’t be your wife’s loving arms.) You are worth so much more than that even if you can’t see it right now.

We met Michael, at a point where our marriage was at rock bottom and I was really struggling with how it was going. I wanted out, but something kept me wanting to make it work. We had seen marriage counsellors, before, but Michael, was different. He has a great knack of getting to the root of the issue, using humor and a lot of sensitivity; he understands your boundaries and knows when to cross them. Needless to say, after three sessions, my wife and I were back in bed, making love (after seven years of no sex); our communication is improving, thanks to the tools, Michael offers and I finally feel like my wife, loves me and I love her - beyond the use of lip service. Michael, is a champion and I highly recommend his services. Thanks again mate!

Phillipa and Roger

So having my wife angry and pissed off with me isn’t compulsory?

If I ask a guy how he feels about his wife being so unhappy he will always reply that he feels like ‘sh1t’. If she’s not happy, you’re not happy. That is a given! Men like to be good at stuff and the great news is that Relational Empowerment Therapy has rules and strategies so communication becomes better for both of you. It also has structured processes and techniques that men can relate to, there is a defined direction that men value. It is not some wide open ‘feeling fest’ that just leaves them uncomfortable and wondering when the session will be over as it doesn’t seem to be going anywhere.

How am I supposed to get him to come for help?

The simplest way of putting this is that you have to really mean it when you tell him it’s not good enough. If you are waiting for him to feel like getting help would be a good idea then you’re in for years of pain and misery. In 95 out of 100 cases it is the woman finally INSISTING that they get help that causes him to agree. The other 5% are when he’s been caught doing something he knows is a deal breaker and he’s desperate to get things back on track. Generally it’s the very real threat that either something changes or you are going to take the level of misery in the home to a whole new level. If there are children involved he needs to know he will rarely be having breakfast with them in the near future if he doesn’t agree to getting help.

Until it reaches that kind of level he is fully capable of filtering it out as some kind of background noise that could easily be perceived as your general dissatisfaction with him. Men often live with the sense that nothing they do will ever be good enough for you and have done their best to adjust to this over the years. This is such a terrible waste of what is actually possible between the two of you. Sadly though that’s the life most couples are living.

As men we are always looking for solutions to our problems. My approach allows men to feel at ease and they usually gain confidence about how to show up in the relationship as a result. Where appropriate I ask couples for a commitment of a few months of work rather than years. Men appreciate the sense of momentum and getting the job done as the end of their discomfort is always in sight.

When you are ready to give up the pain, distance and all that discomfort please get in touch.

Michael knows exactly how to get a couple out of trouble and is fearless. Before working with Michael I was very sceptical about therapy for couples and did not believe that any outsider could fully understand me, my partner or our situation well enough to be of help. At best, I expected clichés and a quick fix that would wear out after a short time. Michael is different and not at all what I had imagined in my cynical mind. He knows exactly how to get a couple out of trouble and is fearless, original and talented in his approach. Michael has provided permanent solutions that have eliminated the stony silences and my dark moods of the past. My home is once again a place of light , laughter and love – a sanctuary that I genuinely return to with excitement and anticipation. I can never thank Michael enough – he has saved me from myself and saved my relationship with my best friend and lover.

Chris Turner

Company Director

Testimonials

Michael Myerscough

My husband and I have been married for over 30 years and most of those years were spent raising our 6 children and striving to achieve goals that we had set for ourselves. Imagine my dismay when we had accomplished almost everything we had dreamed about and we were a light year away from happy. Our many homes, cars, vacations and travels did little to cover up the fact that we had grown ...

My husband and I have been married for over 30 years and most of those years were spent raising our 6 children and striving to achieve goals that we had set for ourselves. Imagine my dismay when we had accomplished almost everything we had dreamed about and we were a light year away from happy. Our many homes, cars, vacations and travels did little to cover up the fact that we had grown ...

Mary

Michael Myerscough

One year ago my world came crashing down when I found out that my amazing, seemingly perfect husband had been seeing prostitutes for 9 months. I am a mum with three small boys. I didn't know what to do or how to function. All I knew is that I had to hold it together for my children.
After seeing several marriage counsellors who were unable to help, my husband and I found Michael. He listened, ...

Karina and John

Michael Myerscough

Your teachings has opened up a whole new world for me. I am able to better understand the emotional requirements required, firstly to be genuinely happy with ourselves, and secondly to try to understand and be happy with my wife.
If I were to advise anyone who found themselves in the unfortunate position that I was last year and I had to sum up my learning with you it would be; find someone who's advice you can trust ...

Sean

Michael Myerscough

Before my wife and I met and started working with Michael, my marriage was over. My wife had "left the building" and only agreed to couples therapy as a means of a smoother exit to our relationship. Michael explained to her that a smooth exit was not out of the question, but a hard look at how we had gotten to such a place was where to start.
With amazing objectivity, he took us through our ...

Steven

Michael Myerscough

Michael I really appreciate you following up.
I do know you tried very hard and I appreciate that so much. The fact you couldn't save my marriage is sad but as you said sometimes people aren't meant to be together.
My brain tells me that I will get through this, but at the moment my heart is telling me otherwise.
I am determined to have a good and better life and I will work very hard ...

Lynsey

Michael Myerscough

When I contacted Michael regarding therapy it was with the explicit intent that he help us end our marriage in an amicable and conscious way for the sake of our children. This was our 3rd attempt at couples counselling and I was not interested in the least in "saving my marriage." I realise that if you're reading this you may be thinking "no one understands how bad your marriage is or could possibly have the ...

Maureen

Michael Myerscough

Thank you Michael.
Yesterday's intensive was amazing, I really thought I was the only issue and it's been spiralling me down deeper and deeper into this depression. It was at a point where I was questioning my love for Claire as I felt like I was lost.
I am very happy just from yesterday's outcome. Thankyou for showing us a way forward and through the mess I got us into. I look forward to future meetings ...

Tony

Michael Myerscough

Michael is a truly great marriage counsellor.
He sized up my marriage faster than any therapist we've seen before (and we've seen a few), and we made more progress in 3 months with him than I thought possible. I understand where my wife is coming from more than ever before which is amazing.
I no longer feel our marriage is at deaths door. I would highly recommend him to any couple who is struggling.

Martin

Michael Myerscough

In my 1st session with Michael I realized that Michael "got me" like no other professional ever has. Michael pin pointed issues that I have had for more than 50 years that have held me back. He has helped me to improve my life and save our marriage. Even better the work we did was respectful and a lot more entertaining that I would ever have thought possible.

Bob

Michael Myerscough

Michael knows exactly how to get a couple out of trouble and is fearless.
Before working with Michael I was very sceptical about therapy for couples and did not believe that any outsider could fully understand me, my partner or our situation well enough to be of help. At best, I expected clichés and a quick fix that would wear out after a short time. Michael is different and not at all what I had imagined in ...

Chris

Michael Myerscough

Wow, I never thought I could get someone to get through to my husband and allow him to see himself in true REALITY! Michael Myerscough has been an absolute life changer for my marriage and it is evident that his approach to marriage therapy is a success story in itself.
My husband has a drinking problem which has been an issue in our marriage since the beginning. I and my children have witnessed his on and ...

Jasmine

Michael Myerscough

We stumbled across Michael’s site during a time of absolute marriage hell and upheaval. I thought my marriage was over. My husband turned around one morning out of the blue and said he was done with our 14 year marriage and he was attracted to someone else. I was completely blindsided and was at an utter loss. My whole world was destroyed in an instant.
I convinced him ...

Emma and Mario

Michael Myerscough

Kate and I would like to thank you for the work you have done with us. Our transformation using your strategies and meeting with you have been nothing short of life changing. Many thanks again Michael

Warren

Michael Myerscough

We first visited Michael because we weren’t sure that our marriage was still worth the effort. We’d already tried counselling and had got nowhere but Michael was different!
He immediately identified our underlying problems. He often says things we don’t want to hear but balances his insights with humour and compassion.
Michael has saved our marriage and has helped us as individuals in the process – we’re happier than we've ever been!

Ashley and Luke

Michael Myerscough

We met Michael, at a point where our marriage was at rock bottom and I was really struggling with how it was going. I wanted out, but something kept me wanting to make it work. We had seen marriage counsellors, before, but Michael, was different. He has a great knack of getting to the root of the issue, using humor and a lot of sensitivity; he understands your boundaries and knows when to cross them. ...

Phillipa and Roger

Michael Myerscough

Michael Myerscough surprised us when we discovered he was a "Marriage Coach" as my wife, Brenda had been telling me of a book she was browsing. "The New Rules of Marriage" written by Michael’s mentor.
Within the first three sessions, I found that the "mechanical" process of "accountability" allowed me to 'ask' for what I need in the relationship and to be willing to hear the requests of my partner; the love of my life.
Michael provided ...

David

Michael Myerscough

Michael saved both my marriage and myself. I had a crush on another woman which was splitting our marriage. Within two sessions, I realised that firstly I was suffering from depression and two that my crush on this other woman was my way of escaping the bleakness. This was helpful because I was able to let go of the crush and return emotionally to my wife.
My wife is probably even happier with Michael than I ...

Graeme

Michael Myerscough

I do not have high enough praise for Michael's work. His integrity, clarity and insight allowed my husband and I to laser cut through our years of unfinished conversations and misunderstandings in a matter of months...to the point where we now have the tools to consistently go through "Door B" as Michael would say.....to do it differently.
Our marriage had a lot of love and was a "good" relationship, but there were areas where we both ...

Brenda

Michael Myerscough

My wife found out about an 8 year emotional affair I'd been having. Somehow I'd convinced myself that it wasn't a big deal and that I wouldn't get caught. Well, I got caught and it was a huge deal. It was horrific. At points I was afraid that I'd either killed my wife or she was going to kill me. I had no idea this was going to cause such a big rupture or how ...

Gordon and Jenny

MEDIA/PRESS COVERAGE

We use cookies to enhance your experience while using our website. If you are using our Services via a browser you can restrict, block or remove cookies through your web browser settings. We also use content and scripts from third parties that may use tracking technologies. You can selectively provide your consent below to allow such third party embeds. For complete information about the cookies we use, data we collect and how we process them, please check our Privacy Policy

Youtube

Consent to display content from Youtube

Vimeo

Consent to display content from Vimeo

Google Maps

Consent to display content from Google

Save

We use cookies to offer you a better browsing experience and analyze site traffic. If you continue to use this site, you consent to our use of cookies.OK