Link Love (2015-01-09)

Thought-provoking

“I sometimes respond to people with facts and figures, showing how the raw number of connections in one’s network doesn’t matter as much as who those connections are, and how engaged they are. But the truth is, our technological leaders have built these tools in a way that explicitly promotes the idea that one’s follower count is the score we keep, the metric that matters. After more than a decade of having that lesson amplified across the Internet, the billion or so people who rely on online social networks have taken the message to heart. It’s no wonder so many people want to believe that the only thing that’s kept them from all the promised benefits of the World Wide Web is that they haven’t had access to the kind of giant network that I was arbitrarily gifted.” Nobody Famous – The Message – Medium

“So, my dear readers, let me give you the one answer to all the advice column questions about babies, jobs, cross-country moves, and loving relationships that seem to have lost their spark: The answer is that there is no answer. You will regret your choice, no matter what it is. Even I, who knew forever and without reservation that I wanted to have children, sometimes look longingly at the carefree, childless life that could have been. I love my children immensely, but they are a huge pain in the ass, frequently ungrateful, and extraordinarily expensive to care for. Without them, I could go out for a long bike ride whenever I wanted, and sleep alone in the woods, and probably not have this modest paunch that has lately made all my suit pants feel uncomfortable when I sit for a long time. I also love my job — I am exactly the sort of asshole who is cut out to be a lawyer, and I enjoy being one. But it has taken me 10 years and tens of thousands of dollars of debt to get back to making as much money as I would have made after a year if I had stayed in my pre-law school job.” One Answer for All the Advice Column Questions Ever – The Billfold – Medium

“Earlier this year, Sarah Maslin Nir’s New York Timesexposé on working conditions in nail salons ignited a firestorm of outrage and debate over industry practices. Sukjong Hong, the creator of this graphic journalism piece, counts many salon workers among members of her community. Having taken part in a salon worker’s wage recovery campaign, Hong provides a look at ongoing organizing efforts for better conditions, as well as nail workers’ responses to the Times report. No actual names of nail salons were used in this piece.” Nail salon workers speak out after NYT exposé – Fusion

Equality

“Yes, Kim Davis is a bigot, and yes, her four marriages are relevant. But we need to be able to call out her bigotry and discuss her hypocrisy without engaging in bigotry ourselves. As Facciani notes, some have responded to news of Davis’ four marriages and her infidelity by calling her a “slut” and a “whore.” Calling attention to her hypocrisy in relation to her continued denial of same-sex couples’ right to marry is justified; slut-shaming is not. And shaming her for her looks? No.” We Need to Be Able to Call Out Kim Davis’ Bigotry Without Slut-Shaming or Hillbilly-Shaming – Love, Joy, Feminism

Relationships

“5) Is it rare that I feel heard or understood?
Above all, a relationship is where we should feel our true self is known and cherished. If we constantly defend ourselves or have to justify our desires or needs, we are not in the presence of someone who accepts us as we are.” What a Relationship Shouldn’t Be – Elephant Journal

“Unfortunately, there are other popularized “romantic” behaviors that actually aren’t romantic at all.For example, I’ve heard too many people say that they’d want their significant other to be jealous and possessive. To them, jealousy is a sign of deep emotions.I mean, it sure is, but not of the romantic kind.Jealousy means resenting someone for having something you don’t, whether it’s a talent or a new car. It’s certainly a natural feeling, and it’s okay to feel jealousy, but how you express it matters. And a lot of times, it’s not okay to be a jealous partner. A significant other isn’t the same as a car, after all. They’re not an object you can acquire or own.If you think about it from that angle, jealousy is more objectifying than it is romantic.” These 4 Behaviors That Fictional Media Tells Us Are Romantic Are Actually Really Harmful – Everyday Feminism

Beauty & Body Image

“Watching the movie caused something to shift inside me. Seeing a mother who was forced to leave her daughter with family in another village so she could work longer hours at a garment factory, hearing about the brain tumors that cotton farmers consistently get, seeing the filthy runoff pour into rivers, learning that tons of donated clothing ends up in landfills or shipped to developing countries where it becomes a burden for other people to deal with … it had the effect on me that I’m sure the filmmaker intended: It made me realize that I couldn’t pretend this didn’t affect me, and that I had to do something.
And for whatever reason, it made me realize that I didn’t have to be so extreme in my thinking. I could give my money to companies that did one significant thing to make their practices less harmful, and even if my actions were minute they would be meaningful. I might never find any brands creating clothing in ways that were entirely innocuous from fiber to factory to store, but I could support the brands that took important steps.” Doing Better Moving Forward: How Watching “The True Cost” Changed My Mind About Everything – Already Pretty

“As girls grow up, they are bombarded by rules and restrictions governing the ways that they can be. I know I was—otherwise I wouldn’t have been a fully grown adult before I started wearing clothes that I found comfortable. These gendered rules confine girls’ choices and constrain their self-expression. Perhaps one day the gender binary will be dismantled totally, and we’ll all stop limiting our children by bringing them up as either males or females. But, in the meantime, gender continues to be one of the first things children learn to recognize about themselves and others, and for that reason I think it’s important to keep the boundaries of what can and can’t potentially be male or female propped open as wide as possible. It’s wonderful that people who feel uncomfortable with the gender they were assigned at birth are gaining strength and visibility. But, it’s just as important that young people, girls and boys and genderqueers alike, can have as many examples as possible of men and women who don’t conform to gender stereotypes. I like to think I’m doing my part for that by living as an aggressive, competitive, logical, and strong butch woman.” A butch lesbian rejects a non-binary identity – Slate

“As pounds melt away and my limbs stretch and lengthen, this shell of me feels foreign. Weight has been my sword and shield.
I’m not certain who I am underneath it all.
I’ve always felt deeply with my heart, but I’ve never felt my own heart.
There is still so much for me to learn, so much for me to surrender. But my muscle memory is strong.
This body—taken, battered, bruised, abused, and ultimately, sweetly and kindly loved and protected—has always known how to survive.” Muscle Memory (Adult) – Elephant Journal

Inspirational

“When I could do this—tolerate and sometimes even accept delay, difficulty, or annoyance—I noticed two things. First, being patient is a way of treating myself with compassion. Compassion is the act of reaching out to those who are suffering—including ourselves. I definitely suffer when I’m impatient, because lack of patience is a stress response to whatever is going on in my life. I can feel the stress in both my mind and my body. And so, cultivating patience is a way of taking care of myself, which is the essence of self-compassion.” Impatient? Why and How to Practice Patience? – Psychology Today

“Please don’t do this. Don’t try to make someone feel better by telling them it could be worse. I can’t tell you how many conversations I’ve been in where I have been given the same message.
I have a request: the next time you find yourself telling someone they don’t need to feel the way they do, stop yourself. Apologize. Recognize that they have every right to feel the way they do. Say instead, “That sounds painful” or “I can hear that was hard for you” or “I’m sorry that happened.” A hand on the shoulder can say as much if silence is more comfortable. Let the person feel what they are feeling in that moment.” Trauma Trumping – The Honeyed Quill

“My mouth twists in wry recognition of his words. It’s the unattainable that appeals. I look at the painting again. It could be my life there, with that cozy warmth. It all looks so nice from the outside. I imagine a woman with her knitting beside the fire; a man strumming a guitar, or oiling winter boots. I imagine children playing quietly on the floor. The day’s work is cut short by the waning light, and the night unfolds for pleasures of the hearth.
I want that. But on this rainy late summer afternoon, Parrish’s words are a knife in my gut. It isunattainable. There are realities to be reckoned with. Weeds up to my ears. Bills. Schedules. Schooling. Marketing. Family. Especially family.” The Unattainable – The Radical Homemaker

Chronic Illness & Pain

“But that doesn’t mean I’m cured, and I think that’s a point worth reiterating from time to time, too. If diet change just isn’t yielding the kind of results you expected or hoped for based on others’ experiences, you have to realize that it isn’t a cure-all. When I say I feel amazing, I feel amazing compared to how I felt this time last year. I feel amazing compared to how I once thought I’d spend the rest of my life feeling. I feel amazing compared to a lot of people I know, even people that don’t have incurable diseases. When I say I feel amazing, I’m talking about being able to get out of bed, keep up with my household chores, hang out with my boyfriend, and eventually make it back to bed without anything bad happening. More often than not.” Accepting Illness – A Clean Plate

“It’s so easy for us to keep spinning with that merry-go-round on our endless search for answers and our quest to heal. It’s somewhat admirable that you do this week in and week out, but it’s also adding to the problems.
Your quest for healing needs to come with regular medical vacations from ALL things health related.That means no doctor’s appointments, no hospital clinics, no dentist appointments, no specialist appointments, no alternative therapist appointments, no physio therapy appointments. Nothing. NO THING medical.” Take a Medical Vacation – Seriously, You Need It. – Lottie Ryan

Health

“If you are one out of the every five people on this planet who owns a smart phone, now is the time to start thinking twice about looking down at your phone to check email or Facebook.By the time you are done reading this article (and, please, no slouching while reading) you will be clued in on some actionable tips you can put into practice right now to combat “the smart phone slump,” and eliminate or greatly reduce the pain and problems that come along with it.” Cell Phone Ergonomics: How to Avoid the “Smart Phone Slump” – Breaking Muscle

“Ovulation is not just about making a baby. It’s also the main hormonal event in a menstrual cycle, and the only way to make estrogen and progesterone. When we shut down ovulation with hormonal birth control, we rob girls of the hormones they need for metabolism, bone health, cardiovascular health, mood, and more.
Girls who take synthetic pseudo-hormones via the Pill lose the ability to produce their own hormones. Pseudo-hormones have some similarities to real human hormones, but they also have many differences. For example, the progestin levonorgestrel causes hair loss, but the body’s own progesterone stimulates hair growth. The progestin drospirenone increases the risk of blood clots, but progesterone improves cardiovascular health. Ethinylestradiol, the synthetic estrogen in the Pill, impairs insulin sensitivity [6], but estradiol improves it. These synthetic hormones do not have the health benefits of the human hormones they replace.” Why young teens need real periods – not the pill – Society for Menstrual Cycle Research

“It’s hard to get stronger by doing planks and push-ups if your wrists can’t comfortably support your weight. Here are some strategies to work around those tight wrists and eventually improve your strength in them.” What to Do If Push-Ups Hurt Your Wrists – LifeHacker