Air Sex Championships at Madcap Theaters in Tempe

It was a night of humpers, pumpers, and thumpers this past Saturday night, when the Air Sex World Championships tour made a stop at Madcap Theaters in Tempe. Air sex is a "sport" much like air guitar, but instead of pretending to play an instrument, people mime sex acts with imaginary partners to music.

Yes, it was ridiculous -- and wildly entertaining, and intensely fun. The night was hosted by bearded comedian Chris Trew, who guaranteed that anybody who didn't enter the competition would regret it afterward. Six locals (including The Midnite Movie Mamacita and Stefan Pruitt from the band Peachcake) entered -- but only one would be crowned Tempe Air Sex Champion, and be eligible for a spot in the final competition in Austin, Texas.

Kicking off the competition was a guy named Dur Bear, who glided onto the stage in roller skates, cut-off jean shorts, and a yellow T-shirt with "Born to Fuck" scrawled on the back. He did a lot of wall humping to a techno song. The judges, Brock LaBorde of Studio 8 and Ana Anguiano, a writer for ASU's State Press Magazine, gave mixed feedback. Ana said he looked fit and like he might make a good father for her children. LaBorde scolded Dur Bear for having a Dum-Dum lollipop in his mouth, because it was too small.

Stefan Pruitt of Peach Cake

photo by Ryan Wolf

A very spastic act followed, when Stefan Pruitt from local electro-pop band Peachcake took the stage, as "Space Panda." Wearing blue Pillsbury Dough Boy pajama pants that read "Just Dough It" and a pink Chullo hat decorated like a squirrel, Pruitt looked like he'd dressed in costume, but he wears that kind of stuff all the time.

He gave a highly energetic performance to "Blue Monday" by Orgy, which included throwing himself on the floor and flopping across the stage like a fish. His knees were bleeding afterward, and he licked the blood off them during the post-performance interview -- a strange exchange that Trew says will end up on "the DVD extras."

The Midnite Movie Mamacita

photo by Ryan Wolf

Andrea Beesley-Brown, a.k.a. The Midnite Movie Mamacita, was next. She said she'd tried to back out of performing after she signed up, but Trew made her go through with it. We were glad, because her solo re-enactment of the infamous, viral "Two Girls, One Cup" video with a folding chair and an empty glass was totally different from the other performances.

A contestant named Bill Fucking Binder put an interesting twist on the performances when he came out in shorts and an old Hansen T-shirt, and to a stringed version of "Don't Stop Believin'," simulated putting on a condom. Not only did it seem to take forever, but suddenly, Binder made an ecstatic face, and it was over. "I'm sorry," he said, before sulking off, embarrassed.

The talented Cunt Tastrophe

photo by Ryan Wolf

The final act of the night was a lively brunette going by the handle Cunt Tastrophe. Her performance was pretty amazing. Not only did manage to swiftly pull her pants off without removing her glittery red high heels, she then proceeded to simulate double-teaming herself with invisible toys on a chair, in the air, on the floor, and in a dozen different positions. She was loud and facially expressive, too. Judge Brock LaBorde commented afterward that the entire stage was shaking.

After an intermission, Trew announced there would be three finalists. Cunt Tastrophe and Dur Bear were called, and then Bill Fucking Binder and Space Panda had a "Fuck Off" (like a dance off) for the third and final spot. Space Panda dominated the stage, humping all across the hard wood floor, while Binder found an empty chair to hump in the front row.

Audience applause deemed Binder the winner. The final step was to have the final three contestants dance to a mystery song of the judges' choosing.

Dur Bear simulated giving a blow job to "Complicated," and Binder took a high-flying leap off a chair during "MMMBop." But after her explosive performance in the first round, Cunt Tastrophe was an audience favorite. After she mimed giving a double handjob to "What a Girl Wants," she was crowned Tempe Air Sex Champion by the audience.

All in all, it was a long, strange trip. The competition started at 11 p.m. and wasn't over until after 1:30 in the morning, but it was worth every second. We never thought we'd say this, but: Congratulations, Cunt!

Niki has covered subjects including drug culture, women's basketball, pirate radio stations, Scottsdale staycations, and fine wine. She has worked at both New Times and PHOENIX magazine, and is now a full-time freelancer.