Give me fabulous or give me death.

2017 SAG Awards, Part 3

MARRY ME, EVAN, AND NOT JUST BECAUSE I’LL THEN HAVE 50% OF EVERYTHING YOU OWN INCLUDING THIS VELVET TUX.

Runner-Up: MICHELLE DOCKERY gown by Elie Saab

Photo: Steve Granitz/WireImage

So glad that the Ringling Brothers and Barnum & Bailey have donated their remaining circus tents to needy starlets! What a great way to lower their carbon footprint. TBH, it’s possible I would hate this on anyone except Lady Mary, but it always makes me happy to see her in something modern and a little bit weird.

Fresh out of fucks to give, and ready to fly away on those wings. I’m here for pregnant take-no-prisoners Natalie, you guys.

AMY ADAMS gown by Brandon Maxwell, jewelry by Cartier

Photo: Alberto E. Rodriguez/Getty

Well, that jewelry certainly is… fungal? Bacterial? Lesion-esque? I actually like this look, but I’m curious to know whether those bulbous gray blobs are worth more or less than every apartment I’ve ever lived in combined.

UZO ADUBA gown by Elizabeth Kennedy

Photo: Rob LaTour/RexShutterstock

Classic, old Hollywood glam.

MICHIEL HUISMAN tuxedo by Ralph Lauren

Photo: Alberto E. Rodriguez/Getty

Aw, he cute. Go on and get it, Daario.

JANELLE MONAE gown by Chanel

Photo: Steve Granitz/WireImage

Not my favorite in the pantheon of black-and-white lewks Janelle has served us recently – the cuffs really kill it for me – but this woman really can do no wrong.

CHRISSY TEIGEN and JOHN LEGENDChrissy’s purse by Judith Leiber

Photo: Kevin Mazur/Getty

Did he go TIELESS? A wing-tipped collar, WITHOUT A TIE? What in the name of Chrissy Teigen’s Twitter account is going on here? Shit, John, it’s a good thing Chrissy looks classy and fabulous enough for the both of you.

DEV PATEL suit by Brunello Cucinelli

KERRY WASHINGTON gown by Roberto Cavalli

Better in theory than in execution, no? It’s too tight in some parts, too long in others, and the embellishments feel a little scatterbrained.

THANDIE NEWTONgown by Schiaparelli

Photo: Stewart Cook/WWD/Rex/Shutterstock

Okay, Thandie. I get it. Deep down, you’re quirky. But here are the rules: you get a weird-ass twisted collar thing, OR horsies, OR a ferris wheel on your skirt. All three is just greedy.

SALMA HAYEK gown by Gucci, jewelry by Irene Neuwirth

Photo: Steve Granitz/WireImage

Her husband owns one of the biggest fashion companies on the planet, and yet she ALWAYS looks like a bridesmaid. How is this even possible?

GINA RODRIGUEZ gown by Patricia Bonaldi

Photo: John Shearer/Getty

Forgettable.

SOPHIE TURNER gown by Louis Vuitton

Photo: Frazer Harrison/Getty

Awkward.

SOFIA VERGARAgown by Zuhair Murad, jewerly by Lorraine Schwartz

Photo: Jordan Strauss/Invision/AP

Basic.

KATE HUDSONgown by Christian Dior, jewelry by Dana Rebecca

Photo: Steve Granitz/WireImage

Is she en route to a theme party or a funeral? We may never know for certain.

TAYLOR SCHILLING gown by Adeam, jewelry by Tasaki

Photo: Steve Granitz/WireImage

Honestly, I don’t think I’ve ever once seen her with the right kind/amount of makeup on the red carpet. It’s always colors that don’t work for her, or severe lines, or something else to make her look even more constipated than usual. It’s not that hard, Taylor. Hire a better makeup artist. That’s it. That’s the whole thing.

ARIEL WINTER gown by Mikael D.

Photo: Rob Latour/Rex/Shutterstock

Definitely the first to be eliminated on the next season of RuPaul’s Drag Race.