Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Vodafone presents: Tinypiece Theatre.

(click ads, via) Cutesy-wootsy print ads via Germany (by Düsseldorf's Scholz & Friends) for Vodafone's video rental service. The concept of watching (more to the point: enjoying) a movie on a mobile phone still escapes me, but whatever. I know those Photoshopped tiny lightsabers are getting a few of you nerdlingers out there hard as a fucking iceberg. Previously: Vodafone endorses reusing condoms.

The Hearts (and other organs) of the Heartless.

(click ads, via) "It's never too late to become a better person." So, Hater, go get yourself a Get Out Of Hell Free Card. SHOCKvertising for organ donation organization France ADOT. But they made you look and read, so, there's that. This "shocking" visual approach is of course quite popular in AIDS prevention ads. Campaign by Paris agency CLM BBDO.

Investment Advertising Hyperbole Watch: State Street.

(click ad, scanned from a recent Wall Street Journal)Why not four or six, or ten? Do you want a jittery bug-eyed lunatic handling your finances? The State Street boys' advertising of the last couple of years has been consistently inept. It's been childish, metaphorically stupid, and even made fun of Maasai warriors.

Buy Our Paper, Or We'll Break The Kid's Other Leg.

(click ad, by the NY Press Association, according to Coney Media) New York City residents, your local papers want you to know that, while, yes they may be mortally wounded by digital news sources and even stupid blogs that break the big stories before they can, they're not going down without passive-aggressively making you feel guilty as hell about their demise. That "Told ya" is just so preciously fucking childish. As Lindsay Beyerstein, who snapped the poster at the Brooklyn Carroll St. subway station says, the ad "perfectly distills the ineptness of the newspaper industry." An ineptness that shows up in newspaper and magazine advertising campaigns the world over again and again and again.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Photocopy your Ass for Ass Cancer.

This is the second example of good-cause AssVertising I've come across (shut-up) that's ostensibly worth getting behind (here's the first). It's for the Colorectal Cancer Association of Canada. And they're looking to create a Facebook Buttmob on March 31st. So, copy/scan your ass (especially you), and go post it on their microsite, I guess. Will scrotums and labia be edited out? Think the Facebook digi-nannies will allow this? Ad agency: Ogilvy Montreal, via. To search my AssVertising Archive, click here.

Alice in Endorsement Land.

(click ads, via) Though not nearly old enough to get behind the wheel, Alice takes the 1947 Ford Coupe for a spirited test drive. Not shown: The subsequent high school safe-driving educational film: Alice Through The Windshield Glass. Previously: 1960s auto ads sexism.

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Neenah Paper.

One of the biggest ad lies I've ever read.

(click ad, via) And I've read thousands upon thousands (written some, too). Amazing. Almost anything else you chose to do would be more adventurous than this. Starbucks continues their legacy of producing some of the most asinineadvertisingever.

"HERgonomics" Is HERe, Ladies.

(click ad)
From the video at Savasa's website: "We don't have paws, we have hands. We would never use the term "guns" to describe any part of our body." Women? Are you tired of being forced to use the dumb man-bells at your gym? Well, Savasa has transformed those freeweights into sheweights. And, they'll perfectly match your lipstick and pink NHL workout outfit. Thanks to reader Jennifer for the scan, from Women's Health. Previously in: IntellectuallyInsultingMarketing to Women.

Friday, March 19, 2010

Link Haze, 3/19/10.

• Local travel agency ad.• Cash advance from God.• Hummer horse carriage.• Israeli IKEA ads, secular and religious.• "Drinkability?" A complete fucking failure.• Russian woman finds white worms in her eyes.• I grew up in South Jersey, so this didn't surprise me.• The hand-drawn title and credits of Dr. Strangelove.

It's a cane! It's a dumb-bell! It's a dumb-bell cane!!

(click ad, via ) Lazy fucks of today have the Ab-lounge. Back in 1900, they had the Dumb-Bell Cane. What made a cane a dumb-bell, you may be wondering? Why, they attached a "solid ball of finely nickeled metal" to the end of a wooden stick, which enabled gentlemen to exercise as they walked "to and from (their) business" and, in the process, "develop the muscular power of an athlete." Three bucks, for a cane. I guess that's better than $14,615 for an exercise bike.Previously in: bullshit buygone products.

(click ad, via) Jesus, why can't I get an assignment like this to work on, instead of the soul-crushing dogshit project I'm slogging through right at this moment? Speaking of dog waste, this Sunday, in Auckland, New Zealand, is the 10th annual Bark in the Park, sponsored by Purina. Look at how cute this ad is. Fucking Ogilvy, I hate youz. Here's a previous cute as fuck Dog promo item. And here's a roundup of other cutesy ads over the years.

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Protect-A-Bed.

Bottled ChooChoo Juice.

Smell the seat. By now, you've probably heard of the seemingly gag product Vulva, the "new irresistible vagina scent." Well, here's the new spot hawking it. Epic. It directs you to SmellMeAnd.com (seriously nsfw), where you can purchase a "phial" for 24.90€. From the site:

"After many years of extensive testing and an especially developed preservation procedure, we have succeeded in capturing the sought-after organic vaginal scent with a long-lasting effect."

Vice recently did an interview with the supposed company head, Guido Lenssen, who says there is real vagina in every phial (I'd like to see their sweatshop). Men, to enhance your auto-erotic sessions, I guess you could dab a drop or two on the back of your hand beforehand. Hey Guido—here's your print ad layout.

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Greenpeace.

Mooncup has designs on your netherlands.

(click ads, via) God, this week so far it's been all tits and penises and now pussy. I'm sorry? Mooncup, seller of silicone menstrual cups—"the healthy alternative to tampons"—has just launched a new blind outdoor poster campaign in the UK tagged with the url loveyourvagina.com. Once there, ladies, you can tell Mooncup what you call yours (scroll down). Right now, I guess unsurprisingly, "cunt" is the number one nickname. I would like to see further design executions for Growler, Dick Sharpener, and The Wound That Never Heals. Agency: St. Luke's.Previously in: VaginaVertising.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Boobs are chins in Marie Claire "Naked" issue ads.

(click ads, via) Jesus, this is getting so confusing. In the last month, we've seen adverts with shaved heads and fat knees manipulated to look like boobs in the name of breast cancer awareness and skin cream, respectively. Now, in posters promoting the South African February "Naked" issue of Marie Claire—where 23 celebrities doffed their clothes to support Rape Crisis—breasts were made to look like faces. Sorry, the second one (R) ain't quite working optically. By Network BBDO in Johannesburg.