Saturday, November 13, 2004

Fun Little Knickerbocker Story

At the Knicks game last night, there were about 20-30 high school boys all sitting in the row in front of us, up in nosebleed. They were fairly funny, as high school boys are, screaming and cheering their heads of for this cheesy half-time magic show and stuff like that. And there was this guy, late 20s, looked kind of like the dork from Welcome Back Kotter, and his friend, some pretty boy who looked like he worked on Wall Street, sitting in front of them. I guess he wanted to be cool and loud and funnier than they were, so he started yelling stuff about doing the Wave and other such nonsense. And of course, he was doing this in front of high school boys. They make fun of everything and anything that isn’t them- especially when they are in groups- you have to expect that.

So they are laughing at him, telling him to sit down, the guy gets more rowdy, they throw some pop corn at him- honestly, they were being good considering that they were high school kids. I’ve seen much worse as a high school kid on field trips. And the older guys have no sense of humor about it. Wall Street boy gets all pissed and he’s drunk, and he’s got that bull stampede look in his eyes as if someone was “messin with his girl”- you know, the “hey look at me, I have me some testosterone- seriously, please look cause I am gonna show you!”. And these guys start saying stupid shit like, “Hey you want a beer, oh wait, I forgot, you can’t, you’re not old enough.” And the delivery was weird and hostile and not funny. Then mister pissed steps over the rows and grabs one of the kids by the neck and starts yelling at him like “don’t fuck with me”.

So this is when I take advantage of my female status, cause I can get away with yelling at him and he can’t hit me back. There is nothing that shuts and angry boy up quicker than a girl making an ass out of you. And I only pull it out when I find it necessary. And seeing some loser pick on little high school kids is definitely reason enough for me. So I start yelling stuff at him, along the lines of “Hey you, you need to stop now, you’re making a complete ass out of yourself, .. . . stop embarrassing yourself, it’s pathetic, . . . stop picking on little kids, it’s no big deal, . . . hey, see that thing behind you, it’s a basketball game, watch it . . . chicks think you suck.” Etc. The boys enjoyed it, the guy looked like an idiot. And then you know what happens?

Finally a security guy comes by, and tells me to stop or I will be kicked out. And that’s hilarious, cause here I am sitting in my seat, trying to shut this idiot up, and there’s this drunk angry asshole down below standing up, etc- but anyhow, I don’t get kicked out, peace is restored. It was funny.

And at the end, there were the people shooting t-shirts up into the stands. And one comes to the high school kids, and all 20 of them wrestle their hearts out for the silly t-shirt none of them will wear anyway. And it’s down to 3 kids and they spend a good solid 5 minutes trying to grab the shirt with every ounce of their being. And finally there was a victor. And he stands up, smiles, and tosses it to me.

Ah, high school boys. I guess Brian was right, winning the hearts of high school kids can be fun.