Sorry I’ve been gone so long. I didn’t want to share a whole lot of self-pity and grief here, and after today I’m not going to in the future either. It’s been six weeks since Angus passed away, but it feels like a lifetime ago, so much has changed. I’ve discovered that emotions I’ve believed I’ve fully felt before were really just the tips of icebergs, and that sometimes when you fall and think that no one can halt your plummet, and that you’ll never stop going down, that there are hands that will catch you, and hold you tight until you find the strength to stand again. So now here I am – standing again.

I’m not afraid of dying anymore, because now I know for sure that that isn’t the end at all, and I also know without a doubt that after all my years of intellectually studying the religions of the world, and referring to whatever lay beyond as “The Universe” that I was wrong. God is all around, and so are a whole lot of His angels. I can honestly tell you that He buys you books, finds you parking, and fixes broken washing machines, and a whole lot more that you wouldn’t expect from Him. Don’t worry – I’m not going to start preaching at you. It’s just nice to know, and I’m truly grateful for His very direct and impossible to call coincidence approach these past weeks. It’s all been a bit miraculous.

Angus passed instantly, and I’m absolutely positive that he felt no pain. We had no inkling that he had any problems with his heart, and he generally bounced around like a horse. He was sitting on the chair next to mine drinking his coffee when he said that he felt faint and that was literally the end. I “felt” him leave, and I knew that he never left alone. There is absolutely no doubt in my heart and mind that he is alive and well in another room in this incredible realm of our existence with a whole lot of others already there. There you go – end of preaching.

And now on with living – because it’s important, and we’re supposed to enjoy it. I think that every little thing that we do is important in the grand old scheme of things. We spend so much of our time worrying about things that may never happen. M Scott Peck had a thing that he’d say to his patients when they were fearful or worried. He said that when those feelings arose that they should ask themselves what they’d be doing right then if they weren’t really busy being scared. The answers were always doing something that brought pleasure. The solution, he said, was to just start doing the happy thing.

Right now I’m trying to find my bearings as far as earning my crust is concerned – not overly keen on doing the whole starving and camping out under a tree thing with my feathered and furred horde – but I’m getting there as far as ideas go, so hold thumbs. I’m sure that I have more emails than the Dalai Lama, so please be patient with me while I get stuck in and catch up again. It’s good to be back here with you lovely guys again – I’ve missed you all and hope to be back to zooming.

OMG, Jo, I am just back looking at blog posts for the first time in 2 years and this is what I find. My heart goes out to you. We never truly recover from losing a loved one. We just learn to go on. But you are so right, they are always with you. Always. Warm wishes. Be very kind to yourself. Jane

Reblogged this on Smorgasbord – Variety is the spice of life and commented:
Jo Robinson​ our lovely friend is back and so great to have her with us again. Our friendships here online are as valid and in some case more long lived than those we make offline. We do have a community and although many of you who are reading this on my blog may not have met Jo in your travels on the network; please do acquaint yourself with her and read some of her amazing articles on her blog, buy her books and enjoy having her in your lives. Love and hugs Jo.

Jo, this must be the most moving and emotionally empathic posts I’ve read. I’ve checked your blog over the weeks, wondering how you are, worrying about you. That might sound silly as I know you so little, but it’s true. Your words this morning touched me to the core; one of those moments when the everyday stops and I sat back and read and read again. Your spirit shines through, belief in life, strength and power of belief after such a tragic and sudden loss. Your words of hope uplifting, your experience in the past month profound. Lovely to see you back here and my thoughts are with you as you find your bearings.❤️ Hugs

Thank you Annika. It’s funny – I think I know my blogging friends sometimes a little better than the people who get to be in the same rooms with them. We share our hearts and thoughts with each other here, and I consider all of you my very good friends. Thank you for your lovely words and love and hugs – I can’t get enough of those. Hugs and Love to you❤

Thank you Marianne❤ When the worry comes, sometimes it's fun to imagine a tiny devil on your shoulder putting the bad stuff in your mind, and then imagine flicking him right off there and have a good laugh when he lands on the floor – then walk on him as you head off to do something fun.

Thank you Philippa – I really do know now. So much happened that could only have been orchestrated – as if it’s coming was unavoidable but things could happen to make it so much less painful than it really could have been. Thank you my friend. ❤

So sorry for your loss, Jo. It must have been a difficult time but I’m glad positivity won and you feel able to continue, even if it is small steps to begin with. We have all missed you so much. Thank you for the ‘happy place’ message too.

Thank you Anita❤ It's amazing being back here with you all – it's good to smile again and feel the love and find out all your news again. The happy place is definitely worth sharing – we all need it sometimes.

So glad to see you back, Jo, even if you did have me reaching for the tissues yet again. Having lost my partner of and friend of decades,I recognise much of what you write…and what is left unsaid. I also understand the angels. Hugs. x

Thank you Sue❤ It's really good to be back – I'm surprised at how much better I'm feeling sitting here now. I'm so sorry for the loss of your love – although I'm totally convinced now that it isn't a permanent loss, it's still something I wouldn't wish on anyone, ever. The angels are amazing – so blatantly, beautifully right here with you. Hugs and love❤

I shed a few tears over your lovely and loving post, Jo, and have thought of you often over the past weeks. You’ve clearly made peace with something so hard, so difficult, and with great grace. I’m glad there were lots of loving hands to hold you up, and you spirit has come through. Welcome back.

Thank you so much Noelle – I’m so grateful for the love all around, and really grateful that I have here to come to with all of my wonderful friends. It’s amazing how long some of us have been friends here – amazing and lovely. ❤

Gosh. Wow. Could I write that post if I’ve been through what you’ve just been through Jo? No idea but the idea of finding that happy place behind the curtain of tears is one I will remember for a good while. Glad the dust on the keyboard is being wiped.. Geoff

Jo. It is so good to have you back. I’m glad you have support and glad you have such a strong faith. At the end of the day, it is all that is really important. I used to give seminars on fear and worry. I advised those who were worried to ask,”If whatever you are worried about came to fruition what is the worst that could happen? Then if that came to fruition what is the worst that could happen? And so on.” By the time you get through the decision tree you discover the worst is not all that bad.

Thank you John. The way every tiny thing happened – every tiny detail of loving impossibilities happened – and that was before the faith came in bucket loads. The worst that can happen definitely isn’t death – I think that the worst probably happens on this old rock. Much love❤

I understand how you feel. I lost my brother early in life. He was 33 and I was 22. Since then, I have always felt his presence. I know he’s watching over me. After I lost my parents, I never felt that they were truly lost but just waiting for me. I hope this brings you some comfort.

Thank you Susanne❤ Losing loved ones when you're young is awful but it is wonderful that you know they're still there. It can't be good to think that when you leave you're gone for good. Love and hugs.

So lovely to hear from you, Jo, through this hopeful, heartfelt, and sniffly post. I can’t count the times I’ve thought about you over the past six weeks, hoping you were well-cared for and loved while your life spun loose and refound its bearings. Scott Peck’s advice is powerful and loss brings the grace and poignancy of life home, leaving us profoundly changed and changing. I wish you much peace and gentleness in the days to come and send you a warm virtual embrace❤

Thank you lovely Diana – you’re so right about the changed and changing – I don’t feel at all like the person I was before Boxing Day. Thank you for your wishes of peace and especially the warm embrace – there could never be enough of those comforting hugs – virtual are just as wonderful as any. ❤

So lovely to have you back Jo. I’ve thought of you often and sent you some healing prayers.
Your post was incredibly moving, and I could understand perfectly what you were saying when you spoke of Him. God does certainly work in mysterious ways.
I wish you strength and courage, as I know you are finding it. Welcome back here to your world of friends and just know we’ve all been thinking of or speaking about you to one another at some points throughout your absence.❤

Thank you Debbie❤ I've actually been having a good old sniffle through all of the comments from my friends here – I can see why we are friends – you're all just what love is. God's arrival here was the biggest deal of my life – He didn't tip toe or expect blind faith – I was left in no doubt. It's a relief too that He has a sense of humour. Thank you more Debbie – love and Hugs❤

I missed the post about your husband due to having eye surgery. Words cannot convey how deeply sorry I am for your loss. Loosing someone so dear is difficult beyond measure. I’ve never experienced the loss of my husband, but I have lost a child, and I know that days get better, but there will be days you need an extra hug, someone to listen to you, or a shoulder to cry on. Your online friends are here. You are so right, whatever a person’s vision of the “life after”, our loved ones are not really gone, but have moved on to another world still connected to those they left behind on Earth. Sending love, prayers, and big hugs your way.

Thank you Michelle – your poor eyes! I hope all went well with the surgery. My heart goes out to you for your loss – I can not imagine what you would have to go through after the loss of a child. I’m glad that you know too that they are not gone forever. I grieved hugely when my mother passed away, but I never truly knew that that wasn’t the end for her. Thank you for your love, prayers and hugs, and please accept mine too coming your way love, prayers and very big hugs❤

Jo so sorry that I timed my entry into your grief.. But I am heartened to hear how you are coping and your outlook on death.. Yes I know Life goes on and Angus I am sure is alive and well in that other dimension willing you along within your world..
It is amazing how when we start to really See, just how those miraculous things fall into place.. and when we ask for the support from the unseen realms, how then we begin to see the Signs we may have missed before..

Sending you Mega Hugs Jo.. and you are held within my thoughts and prayers..
Love and Blessings
Sue xxx

Thank you Sue – your prayers and love and blessings mean so much to me. This has definitely taught me that living is really important – also kind of shown me how much time I’ve wasted worrying about things that really shouldn’t be worried about at all. Much much love❤

I am so glad to hear from you, I thought of you often and worried for you. To fill the absence I read your wonderful book Echoes of Narcissus. It’s one I will want to read again, and again, for the delicacy and sureness of the language, and its message of hope and love.

Welcome back, Jo. The words of M Scott Peck that you have included in your post have certainly helped me, so thank you very much for them.
In the meantime, there are some virtual hugs on the way to South Africa. I hope they reach you very soon. It’s great to have you back here.
xx

Oh dear Jo, I am so sorry for your profound loss. I had written you an email a couple of weeks ago and thought it was strange that I hadn’t heard back from you. Now I understand and offer my sincere sympathy to you. Stay strong and know that I am here if you need to talk or need a shoulder. Here is my email if you need me. jjspina@myfairpoint.net With much love and prayers, Janice xo

Dearest Jo, I am so very sorry, I didn’t know this about your husband, I am shocked to read this. I have been lax with blogging as I try to focus on writing my memoir and have only these past few days since before signing off in mid December been able to attempt somewhat of a catch up with everyone. Sweet Jo, It was the death of my young husband that showed me the truth about God and He has never left my side over 30 years later, and never will. The same God is with you now, and for always. He is with you and will never let you go. And I can only send you so much love, and hugs and prayers… bless you dear Jo…❤❤❤

Oh, Jo. I’m sending you a big warm hug from Canada. I have been out of touch and am shocked and saddened to learn of your husband’s sudden death. Please know that we will understand that you need to take the time to grieve and get back on your feet. Don’t rush it on our account, unless you find that blogging gives you strength and comfort. You can preach at me anytime – I grabbed my prayer shawl when I read about Angus’ passing, knelt on the floor and prayed a fervent prayer for your comfort and strength.

Dear Jo, what a lovely and uplifting post…my eyes are still foggy, but there’s a smile on my face. For you, for Angus and for all of us. Indeed, miracles surround us and angels too. Thanks for being one of mine. Blessings, love and prayers.❤🙂