January 17, 2007

January 8, 2007

Wandering around the stations, i bumped into a music video and simply could not zap because the tune was so familiar, timeless hit Another Brick in the Wall, pt. II by Pink Floyd. Just for my respect for the band i watched the video from halfway to end and learned that it was another cover by someone called Eric Prydz.

All i can really remember is a bunch of kids with school uniforms hacking secretly into people’s apartments and fixing lightbulbs, tv’s and other stuff to prevent global warming, even when a couple trying to bang. Oops, i almost forgot to mention about the boy making fancy BMX tricks in between.

Nice message you sent out there, congrats! But i won’t hesitate to blow her brains out if i find some schoolgirl hiding in my bathtub while i try to deliver my poo, even though she wears a plaid skirt!

January 7, 2007

I realized that i will see a dentist soon when a massive pain shocked my whole body while trying to chew a candy bar. Never really had a problem with dentists but for god’s sake i shit my pants even when i think about it. Dental anxiety, i guess.

Better drink a lot and stick a gun in my mouth to put an end to this. Or visit a dentist as a last resort.

January 6, 2007

Blogging has evolved and gained importance. However, if your blog is not successful then it has no ability to transmit your ideas to communities. So many articles have been written to advice bloggers to take their blogs to a better rating, but as far as i observed there isn’t any about tips to make blogs suck. So i decided to write one, for both obeying and having a blog just like mine or avoding them to build a shiny, glorious blog like, um, just not like mine.

Write whenever you want to: Successful blog writers always have regular posts. They carefully observe the events and publish new posts about them on a regular basis. Do NOT do this. If you feel yourself in the mood publish 4-6 posts in a row, then take a break for a couple of days or weeks and do the same again. By this way even the possible subscribers will eventually lose their interest in your blog.

Do not share common interest: Because if you do people will comment theirs and you will gain some readers. Just talk about your nonsense life, people will flee like hell. Never give response to the ones who are really interested about it, if there is any. Also, if you are living in a third world country and have an internet connection as a gift from god, you can post entries about your homeland that %98 of entire human population does not know where the hell it is located.

Avoid simplicity: Confuse readers by using slang and abbreviations. However it is much easier to write “That was a wonderful sunday morning” prefer saying it as “Dat wuz 4 w4@ndeRfuLL sUndAe m00rnin'”. It looks cool and make you a 1337 bloggah. Spell checking? Don’t even think about it. Also use the words or phrases that don’t have a meaning when translated to another language, forcing the other people to learn yours or go to hell.

Make a visual difference: Having a theme based on colors like fuschia, lime and vibrant red will make your visitors’ eyes bleed. Confuse them with 2 of 3 columns fully loaded with banners, constantly blinking and mouse-over-yelling banners and non-useful links. Locate a search box for possible incoming keyword searches that direct them to offensive content websites.

January 5, 2007

As i mentioned in my previous post, i am in a long term relationship. Having known that commitment is just not my type of thing i am still amazed how long this one lasted. But lots of things have changed since the very first day, especially considering the point that our relationship stuck into (or the dead end we have driven into).

I personally observed that the joy has vanished. Every word i told her was magical in the beginning, but now -even though they are meant to be good things- my every single attempt to begin a conversation is considered as a curse to her. It is so hard to talk to your partner if you have lost the charm between each other.

I am petting an untamed-single eyed trouser snake in my underpants, therefore i am a man. As if it does not seem so from her point of view, it is NOT easy to be a man. We are still sharing the same gene pool with the ancient caveman and it can be an excuse for our vandalic behaviour. This does not make sense: they would like us to understand their emotional-stressful periods but they don’t give a shit about our manly instincts. If it is including this, i would be a volunteer to participate in gender equality called thing.

Apart from the caveman instincts, men have evolved. Even they don’t admit we also have feelings, our hearts can be broken too. It does not happen so sudden, a step by step process is needed. Metal fatique would be great metaphor for this.

January 5, 2007

If you have too much spare time and a twisted mind like mine, by the time you reach twentysomething ages you instantly find yourself looking back questioning your life. Well, even it does not seem same to others i think i have made some remarkable things.

Age 4: Finally managed to not-to-wet my bed (that age 11 thing was a small exception, considering the liquids i consumed that night, phew)

Age 10: After succeeding in the exams, gained opoortunity to attend a school which gave me this f**king terrible english.

Age 13: Fell in love for the first time. After forgetting her in a short time discovered that love can be a fake feeling.

Age 14: Made first decision about my career and attained military high school as a cadet.

Age 15: Became a guinea pig for my own experiments about the effects of alcohol on human body. Found the numb feeling good. Decided to do that often.

Age 18: Made first correction about my career and left military school.

Age 19: Found myself in college by a series of coincidences and became to-be-a mechanical engineer.

Age 20: Admitted that it was not easy to graduate from college.

Age 21: Same old stuff about love. This time the feeling was strong about it is true love. Fake again. Also acquired driving license, my own one. Really.

Age 22: Left parents’ home and began living in a junkhole with homies from school. Cooked for the first time. Felt lucky for not considering cookery as a career.

Age 23: Fell in love. Different from the other ones, this time girl fell in love with me too. Stepped into a long term relationship without knowing it was one.

Even though i was not so satisfied with it before revising my life now it seems much more ok with me. Could it be better? Maybe. I don’t care, honestly.