02 November 2011

** Two Hundred and Fifty Three **

I guess the first day was the hardest. I cried my eyes out the night before. Around 7pm-4am(?). Then i finally went to sleep. I woke up that morning. Cried again. I find it funny now that I'm typing it. Of how much i cried that its over. I woke up with my eyes swollen. I looked at myself in the mirror and told myself I had to let go. I went on with my day, crying most of it. Trying to keep my head intact and study. Surprised how i pulled myself together to study on the first day. Though my mind kept going elsewhere (if you know what i mean). It was a day i realized i had nothing to do on the internet. MSN didnt serve a purpose. Neither did facebook.

Then i had a sudden craving for Snowflake. Ugh. I still do. Gosh. I want Taro Balls.

I cried again going to bed on day one. Yea. Cry. Cry. Cry.

I probably got some people worried. My deepest apologies. At some point during that time I really felt like i was going to go insane. Wanting to kill myself and shit. Now i laugh at my stupidity.

But honestly. Being strong is never easy.

And funny how my sister only found out yesterday (which was day two). Maybe she's just oblivious to the fact that we finally ended. XD she thought we fought.

Then i came to realize how couple dont talk to each other anymore after they split. Why? I mean. You've spent so much time with the other person. You've shared practically everything you know and experienced with them. Heck. You guys know each other so well. And everyone just decides to throw that relationship away just because these two people are no longer a couple. At what cause, i do not know.

Some things in life cannot be faced alone. And even as you have friends to support you and cheer you up and knock some sense into your somewhat delusional brain as you're going through this emotional distress. I dont know. Maybe its cuz most of my friends are too busy with exams and such (foreveralone) XD. I dont want to bother them with my problems. I mean. I dont go around telling people i just got out of a relationship to acquire some pity. They know. They see it on facebook. Its their choice to come to me at my time of need. And I truely am greatful i have such friends. Though they are of minority. <3 you guys.

Ok. What was i saying. XD. Oh. Ok. Not talking. I dont know. Maybe its just who i am. I value my friends. More than i should sometimes. Everyone should. ^^. And to throw away such a bond just because we're not meant to be together is stupid. Yea. It probably doesnt help with the letting go part of breaking up. But to immediately stop talking after breaking up is like such a drastic change into life. If you can handle it fine. Most of the time, no. Yes. I still talk to him. Heck. it might slow down the letting go process. But he's my best friend ^^. Come to think of it, We hit it off so fast we never got to becoming friends. XD.

Yea. I bid au revoir to Good morning texts. Staying up webcaming. Taking 5minutes every night just to say good night and sing off. Waiting for you to come online. And all the other weird stuff you do. XD. But, even as our relationship ended, we can always make a new one. ^^. Its like turning over a new leaf. =D Ok. I just lost my train of thought.

Letting go is never an easy thing to do. =) _____________________________________________________________

OK. Next thing to blog. (im so organized XD)

Yesterday Elie texted me and said :

" Rach. My fren here saw ur blog thru google and liked it a lot then she started stalk you. Suddenly, she saw my pic and excitedly came to me and said 'elie how come you know my idol' lol "

Kinda makes me wonder what is there to idolize about me. XD

OK. First of all. I dont see myself as an internet idol like some people. Yea. Ok. I have a fanpage on facebook with 445 likes. So?

Honestly internet fame means nothing to me. Heh. But if people want to idolize me its fine really. Your choice. Not going to sue you for it. ^^

Maybe i look too lowly of myself that i dont see anything worth idolizing about. XD Unless i have a serious case of narcissism.

I got a phone call from some lady from the booth on studying in uk during edu fair which i gave my details to. She called me telling me the Head of Coventry University would be in her office on Thursday (yes tomorrow) and whether I'd be free to meet up.

HAPPIEST SHIT EVER!!!

I'd be going there to meet him i guess. (there goes my skate session)Though this was somewhat awesome news for me. Usually you'd run and tell your parents bout it. At some point, I wanted not to tell them at all.

So i went to check out the University. ILLUSTRATION AND ANIMATION!!! Unbelievable how happy i was. Most of the Universities offer Animation alone and moreover some split animation into few more other branches @_@.

I told my parents during dinner i was going to meet up with the head and stuff. My dad asked what university was it. I told.

Ok. First of all. I didn't get like "oh, thats good." or any of those shit.

And my dad went, "But its not the university you want to go to."

FUCK CARES IF ITS NOT. To me it was one step closer to what i wanted to do.

And my dad continued, "Take it as a practice la. It doesnt matter whether you get or not since its not the u you want."

Seriously dad?! SERIOUSLY?!?!

It doesnt matter whether i get it or not?! Heck. Coventry University has scholarships with requirement of BBC for A levels or equivalent. Which is possible for me. Half the universities dont have scholarships for international students. Unless i'm some genius with all A*.

Doesnt matter whether i get it or not.

Dad. I dont think you understand how much this opportunity means to me. even if its not the university I want.

How can you tell me it doesn matter?!?! ='(______________________________________________________________