Michele Bachmann Is Eternally Hilarious, Airplane Reading Edition

Well doesn’t this just appear to be a promising comedy setup? Let’s just end the tension right now and tell you in advance, it is. But you knew this: It is a universal law of Reason that because Michele Bachmann does not believe in it, even seemingly mundane activities like Michele Bachmann sitting on an airplane next to a person with a Twitter account must bear comedy fruit. Today’s episode (which begins after the jump) answers the question, “What is Michele Bachmann reading these days?” Hint: IS CREEPY SHARIA CREEPING?

You can read the full Twitter saga here. Your editor has actually done some of this “editing” thing for once and reversed the Twitter stream so you may read in not-reverse chronological order:

“Penny” identifies this group as the weirdo cabal behind the book Bachmann is reading, but what we notice more than anything is that she sounds so focused! Notes on napkins! It’s nice to know that she at least works hard at all that crazy. [Twitter; thanks to Wonkette commenter “Limeylizzie”]

She's a religious loon so she probably would just think you were speaking-in-tongues & probably would join you.

comrad_darkness

What she really needs is a straight husband who will pat her on the head and say, "Don't worry your pretty little head about anything."

What she has is someone who says, "Hey, this outfit will match the cover of that paranoid delusional book divinely!"

EatsBabyDingos

Was she flying First Crass?

HogeyeGrex

No. If she were, she would have been reading about the Yellow Peril.

coolhandnuke

On a wingnut and a prayer is how that plane made its "final destination."
I really miss George Carlin.

MosesInvests

Hey, "Captain"-Air Marshall Carlin says to STFU!

SorosBot

At least she didn't start eating a homeless man's face off – yet.

Fare la Volpe

yet.

Again.

OkieDokieDog

Can't have those pesky Muslin Brothers infiltrating the skoolz and stuffs. That's the job of the Xtian Brothers-in-KKK-hoods.

Chick-Fil-Atheist™

Just like creationists must adhere to Genesis, Christian end-times hawks must adhere to everything they fucking hear on Fox News.

CivicHoliday

It kinda makes you wonder what might happen if you snuck a science textbook into the dust jacket of one of her anti-global warming, anti-Islam, or anti-affirmative action books. Might she accidentally learn something after the highlighter explodes from overuse?

FNMA

"So, the Earth is round now? Who knew?"

Larry McAwful

Oh, jeez… a round-earther! Look, that's just a theory, okay?

http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

You ever try studying when you're high from sniffing highlighter?

I hear it don't work so good.

http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

Did she order the steak or the fish?

AutomaticPilot

She had the lasagna.

http://slackoftownnola.wordpress.com Wonkette, Refudiated

Leg her down and smack -em yak -em!

Baconzgood

THERE'S SHARIA ON THE WING OF THE PLANE!!!!

-William "The Shat-man" Shatner-

12X34X

Wipe that Sharia off your shoes before you approach the holodeck."

JustPixelz

Michele and her like-minded dimwits remind me of the opening scene in the movie M*A*S*H. All the doctors are on the helipad watching for the incoming wounded. Then the helicopter flies in from behind them.

While Michele and the Tealiban are on guard for infiltrating Sharia Law, billionaires are implementing their version of The Golden Rule.

http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

NB: Michele and the Tealiban know this. They've been paid off to screech loudly and distract the rest of us who might want to *do* something about it.

sullivanst

billionaires are implementing their version of The Golden Rule.

Presumably, that's "those with the most gold, rule".

scorpy1

Nah, the truly hard working crazies write their notes on their hands.

SoBeach

"Sharia – The Threat To America" gets the same response from wingnut women that "50 Shades of Grey" gets from soccer moms.

doloras

You mean, *schlick* *schlick* *schlick*?

poorgradstudent

According to al-Wikipedia practicing Muslims only make up .6% of the American population, less than Judaism and Buddhism. But they keep their numbers small exactly so we won't see sharia coming!

Fare la Volpe

It's actually closer to a billion Muslims in the world, BUT WHO'S COUNTING? Not Michele, that's for sure. She can't even count L's in her name.

poorgradstudent

I guess the sharia law conspiracy theory kind of, sort of, maybe, if I'm standing on my head makes sense if you think the millions of Muslims out there are giving support to the .6% here, or something (I don't want to think too hard about it because I'm afraid I'd never be able to get back!), but even then it's like Iran getting worried that the Zoroastrians are going to take over again. Hell, maybe less plausible…

Fare la Volpe

At least it's not those damn Raelians.

Dashboard Buddha

Which aliens were they on Star Trek? Were they the blue folks with the antenna tubes?

I heard that last week, it's hilarious. Imagine the AFLAC duck screaming "Cli-TOR-is!!!!"

poorgradstudent

I know! I think I've watched it 200 times in the past week already.

Fare la Volpe

I watched it at work.

My boss approved.

http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

I tried to read that book. Got four pages in and realized the author was just about the worst I'd ever read. I've heard the porn is good, but I can write good porn too, so I really don't need to read someone else fapping.

But Gilbert Gottfried reading it? That would be worth sitting through.

The Muslim Brotherhood has been having trouble getting a guy elected in Egypt. Evidently that's because they've been pouring all their resources into winning every school board election in the United States. That does explain a lot—except for why there still isn't any funding for Arabic-language programs at any of the high schools around here.

Chichikovovich

Easy to explain. It would totally bust them if naive, unsuspecting Christians learn Arabic. They'll be able to read the signs all around the PTA office reading "5:30 Wednesday at Mosque bookstore, Meet Mohammed Al-Slashi, author of Raising a Teenager who Thirsts for the Blood of the Unbelievers in a Secular World" and "5:00 Tuesday. Gardening tips: The Sharia way to raise Gladiolas and Orchids in a Home Greenhouse. Bring own trowels, full burqa required."

Didja see the principals name? Rosen! A Joo! But-but-the Joos hate the Ayrabs and the Muslins! (Loud sound of thousands of right *and* left wingnut heads assploding)

Generation[redacted]

Sharia has infiltrated our society? Does that mean we can take Friday off?

http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

She is prolly reading it for pointers on how to make all of us her special flavor of Xtian.

Fairtackle

Maybe she was highlighting the parallells between Sharia and Evangelical law.

AutomaticPilot

Penny is a hero and a national treasure.

http://wonkette.com/ yellowerdog

She's all into stealth religious infiltrators – it's like the school board election that started her. She's not crazy – she's just sick.

elburritodeluxe

This is a complete hoax.
1. How is she tweeting from a plane?
2. Since when can Michele Bachmann read?

Baconzgood

Did she order the halal meal?

niblick77

I did not think that Michele believed in the science of plane flight…………

BaldarTFlagass

How is it that Limey Lizzie is only a "commenter" and not an "operative?" Seems sexist.

prommie

I'm an "operative." Must be some kind of penis requirement.

Limeylizzie

I have been called an operative before, maybe it's because I just put this in the comments and not as a tip.

WIDTAP

Remember, always tip your Editrix 20%.

Ewww, that sounded dirty.

Lionel[redacted]Esq

Of course not, as it is well known to cause mental retardation.

Lionel[redacted]Esq

Where she was highlighting the whole page is probably the section in the book on where the Koran discusses how a Kenyan Messiah will take the throne of the American Caliphate and finally impose Sharia Law across the world.

http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

I can't believe they allow her to travel without handlers and restraints.

Lionel[redacted]Esq

"They" being the voices in her head?

http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

Her owners/constituents/family. SOMEbody's gotta be responsible for that dingbat.

rickmaci

Sounds like a plot from the old Twilight Zone: 61 minutes into a 60 minute flight and you realize this flight will not end and you are stuck in that seat forever next to a bat shit crazy lunatic passenger.

Dashboard Buddha

No…Michele is that scary troll thing out on the wing throwing copies of the koran into the jet engine. I think the episode was "Sharia at 30,000 Feet"

chascates

Will someone change the words to 'Waltzing Matilda' to 'Creeping Sharia'?

Only names I recognize among the rest of 'em are notorious lying Islamophobes Frank Gaffney, James Woolsey and Gen. Boykin

ratcityrebel

Some guy named "Ace" Lyons. That is truly a kick-sharia-ass name.

comrad_darkness

In the end America was destroyed by Creeping Dipshit.

pinkocommi

The "Sharia Threat" book cover is a great way to hide the fact that Michelle Bachmann really was reading, "The Secret Lives of Married Men: Interviews With Gay Men Who Played It Straight ."

Sheesko

Or Fifty Shades of Gray.

Dashboard Buddha

Dear Penthouse Letters, I never thought this would happen to me but there I was on a 737 sitting next to Michele Bachman…

Tommy1733

Next thing I knew I had lured her into the bathroom. My lesbian friend came in to join us but Michelle ran out screaming.

Dashboard Buddha

…much to our surprise and amusement, one of the sky marshals didn't know who she was and thinking she was a threat, wrestled her to the deck. The plane had to be diverted to a closer airport so she could be handed over to DHS officials.

Tommy1733

…and then the story starts to get really sexy…

Tommy1733

"It’s nice to know that she at least works hard at all that crazy." – but this is her full-time job – of course she works hard at it. Besides, cognitive dissonance cannot be left to run its course else it will fade, leaving…what?

barto

I suppose I'm somewhat relieved to hear that she can actually read. This must account for her rise to the top of the knuckledragger ranks.

Joey_Blau

thanks for editing! editor!

http://strangestoriesaboutsadpeople.blogspot.com/ Thedongsofwar

Next person who sits next to her on a plane should try to convert her to secularism, or at least realism.

Antispandex

I have so often wondered how Ms. Bachmann manages to out-do everyone else at bringing the crazy. She works at it! Thanks, I can now understand it…no, shit, I can't, but I have a hard time understanding mental illness. I should take a class.

George Skullfry

An oblique nod to Donna (RIP): "She works hard for the crazy".

NYNYNYjr

Threat to America? Who gives a fuck?
Amercia has built a strong bulwark against this enemy. Now we just got to get these mormon infiltrators out and Amercia will be perfect.

ttommyunger

Do not believe this dizzy twat reads. In public, a book is often a polite way of saying: "Fuck off, I don't want to talk".

DahBoner

The Law of Gravity is just a theory.

How does she fly without a broom up her ass???

Sheesko

I'll bet Sharia Law is infiltrating wombs now, also. Will Michele soon advocate abortions based on Muslim fetus identification? If not, WHY NOT? We know that a foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds. It's hard to get littler than her "mind."

WIDTAP

Don't you just hate it when Michele takes a yellow highlighter to her iPad?