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Separated so I visit him ?

If you're considering a separation or divorce, or you’re currently going through one, post here for support. From what constitutes grounds for divorce to how to file for one, get feedback from others experiencing the same thing. Please note that as a peer-to-peer support board, Netmums has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting. For more info specifically on homes and divorce, see our content guide to what happens to your home during divorce .

Separated so I visit him ?

Alexis C(28)

Posted on 05-12-2018 at 8.20PM

Ok so long story short we split after 16 years 3 months ago after he walked out he’s been having the children and we have be on and off amicable. He’s now gone to hospital tonight for stoma reversal massive op. Do I visit him on my own or keep it as taking the just kids in when he’s ready I’m so unsure and my feeling are high as im worried about him but he’s made it clear I’m not anything to do with him apart from the kids.

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Loraine N(4)

Posted on 05-12-2018 at 9.05PM

Hi Alexis,

Thank you for posting on netmums.

I can hear how confusing the current situation is for you.:hug:

It is perfectly natural to worry about the health of your child's dad, especially since he is about to go through a major operation.

Is there a reason why you're reluctant to visit on your own? Has your ex asked you not to?

If you're unsure, why not just check with him if he's up for a visit from you and/or the kids when he's feeling a bit better - that might be better than second guessing his reaction.

Good Luck Alexis and come back and give us some more information and we'll try to help you in any way we can.

Loraine x

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Loraine is an accredited Home-Start volunteer, in addition to working extensively in the public sector, focussing on safeguarding children. Find out more about her work with Netmums.

The support Netmums Parent Supporters provide is not intended to be a substitute for professional advice from a health professional or any other qualified advisory organisation. Users should always seek professional advice relevant to their particular set of circumstances from a qualified health professional or other relevant professional organisations.

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Alexis C(28)

Posted on 06-12-2018 at 2.38PM

I’m not sure I can cope with the emotions every time I see him I get upset and even more in this situation. I also think I missing caring for him although he said I was unsupportive I missing the fact I can make sure he’s ok going in etc

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Graham P(14)

Posted on 06-12-2018 at 5.29PM

Are the kids old/mature enough to visit him alone without getting scared or distressed? You could escort them to the ward then disappear to the hospital cafe for 30 minutes or so. That way they get to see Dad and you get to show your face without any awkward silences.

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Alexis C(28)

Posted on 06-12-2018 at 6.32PM

Yes I think your right I’m going in to see him I’ll stay with them as the littlest is 3 I just wasn’t sure to go in alone but I have decided against that now