Don't It Bug You When... :) Shangy!
>Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList:
To Subscribe send a blank email to
ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
To UnSubscribe send a blank email to
ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
Group home page:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList
Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an
adult club in the love and romance directory so
you will have to confirm that you are an adult
when you go here. I still have no idea how to change
this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try!
or Web Site:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html
Group email address:
ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com
or email me here:
bcrsystems@earthlink.net
================
*~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny,
inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here...
bcrsystems@earthlink.net
I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!!
================
>-->In The 'Shangy' News :)
I am very pleased to say that it took me a week, but I'm finally
done updating the ads on the Shangrala web site! Yea!! Praise
God! Now I can get back to my normal web work!
.-'''''-.
|'-----'|
/`-.....-`\
| -
>Hot Off The 'Shangy' Press :)
This super hottie is from not one, not two, not even three but
from four of our friends so you know it is indeed a super one!
It comes from Sharon, Linda, Jo Ann and PatDeE! A very cleverly
done one with some great pictures! Check it out here...
.==,_
.===,_`\
.====,_ ` \ .====,__
--- .==-,`~. \ `:`.__,
--- `~~=-. \ /^^^ ...always on the go!
--- `~~=. \ /
`~. \ /
~. \____./
jgs `.=====)
___.--~~~--.__
___\.--~~~ ~~~---.._|/
~~~" /
Journey Through Life
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/journey.html
---
...Absolutely beautiful! Thank you Sharon, Linda, Jo Ann And Pat!
You enrich our lives with your sharing and caring!
=============================================================
>-->From TheFunnyBone: Get Your Flu Shot
Back in December I was in the pediatrician's office with my children
(I tagged along because the doctor is also my barber). I had been
seeing 'Get Your Flu Shot' signs everywhere, so I asked the doc to
give me one, and he obliged.
He told me that I might feel slight flu symptoms for a couple of
weeks, but not to worry, they would not develop into anything
serious. So for two weeks I felt like I had the beginnings of the
flu with a scratchy throat, tight chest and slight fever. It never
became the flu though until today.
My throat is killing me, I'm congested, my chest feels like I just
swallowed a gallon of sea water and everything tastes like the flu.
So I called my barber, I mean my doctor, and
asked him why I got the flu. He said that ___________
it probably wasn't because of the shot he [___________]
gave me, but, more likely due to the blood- {=========}
letting he had performed in order to get rid .-' '-.
of the evil spirits. / \
/_________________\
Ah, modern medicine. Thank God for NyQuil. | _ |
||\ | \// \| ||| |
,.------. ,.------. || \| / \_X\_/||_ |
//:::\ \ //:::\ \ |_________________|
jgs \\::::\ / \\::::\ / | |
`'------' `'------' '-----------------'
=============================================================
>-->From Our Friend Linda :)
we can never get enough humor!!!!!!
>That old Scandinavian heritage!
|
--====|====--
|
.-"""""-.
.'_________'.
/_/_|__|__|_\_\
;'-._ _.-';
,--------------------| `-. .-' |--------------------,
``""--..__ ___ ; ' ; ___ __..--""``
jgs `"-// \\.._\ /_..// \\-"`
\\_// '._ _.' \\_//
`"` ``---`` `"`
Lena called the airlines information desk and inquired, "How long does
it take to fly from Minneapolis to Fargo ?"
"Just a minute," said the busy clerk.
"Vell, said Lena, "If it has to go dat fast, I tink I'll just take da
bus.."
***
The judge had just awarded a divorce to Lena , who had charged
non-support. He said to Ole, "I have decided to give your wife $400 a
month for support."
"Vell, dat's fine, Judge," said Ole. "And vunce in a while I'll try to
chip in a few bucks, myself."
***
Lars asked Ole, "Do ya know da difference between a Norvegian and a
canoe?"
"No, I don't," said Ole
"A canoe will sometimes tip," explained Lars.
***
Ole is so cheap that after his airplane landed safely he grumbled,
"Vell, dere gose five dollars down da drain for dat flight insurance!"
***
Lars: "Ole, stant in front of my car and tell me if da turn signals are
working."
Ole: "Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes, No...."
***
Ole died. So Lena went to the local paper to put a notice in the
obituaries. The gentleman at the counter, after offering his
condolences, asked Lena what she would like to say about Ole.
Lena replied, "You yust put 'Ole died."
The gentleman, somewhat perplexed, said, "That's it? Just 'Ole died'?
Surely, there must be something more you'd like to say about Ole. If
it's money you're concerned about, the first five words are free. We
must say something more."
So Lena pondered for a few minutes and finally said, "OK. You put 'Ole
died. Boat for sale.'"
***
\ /
__ \/
_ ---===##===---_________________________-------------- _
[ ~~~=================###=###=###=###=###=================~~ ]
/ || | |~\ ;;;; PKP ;;; ET22-689 ;;;; /~| | || \
/___||__| | \ ;;;; [_] ;;;; / | |__||___\
[\ |__| ;;;; ;;;; ;;;; ;;; ;;;; ;;;; ;;;; |__| /]
(=| ____[-]_______________________________________[-]____Kraq|=)
/ /___/|#(__)=o########o=(__)#||___|#(__)=o#########o=(__)#|\___\
_________-=\__/=--=\__/=--=\__/=-_____-=\__/=--=\__/=--=\__/=-______
Ole and Lars were on their very first train ride. They had brought
along bananas for lunch. Just as they began to peel them, the train
entered a long, dark tunnel.
"Have you eaten your banana yet," Ole asked excitedly?
"No," replied Lars..
"Vell, don't touch it den," Ole exclaimed. "I yust took vun bite and
vent blind!"
***
Ole bought Lena a piano for her birthday. A few weeks later, Lars
inquired how she was doing with it.
"Oh," said Ole, "I persuaded her to svitch to a clarinet.."
"How come," asked Lars?
"Vell," Ole answered, "because vith a clarinet she can't sing."
***
Ole and Lena went to the Olympics.
While sitting on a bench a lady turned to Ole and said, "Are you a pole
vaulter?"
Ole said, "No, I'm Norvegian and my name isn't Valter."
***
_A
.'`"`'.
/ , , \
| |
| < (_) >|
/====\
(.--._ _.--.)
|\ -`\- /|
|(_.- >-.)|
\__.-'^'._/
|\ . /
_.'\ '----'|'-.
_.-' O ;-.__.' \O `o.
/o \ \/-.-\/| \
jgs| ;, '.|\| /
Ole was arrested one night while walking bare naked down the streets of
the little town of Elbow Lake, Minnesota .
The policeman, who was good friend of Ole's, said, "Ole...What in the
world are you doing? Where are your clothes? You're naked."
"Yah, I know," said Ole. "You see, I vas over to dat 'playboy' Sven's
for his birthday party. Dere vas about 28 of us. Der vas boys and
girls."
"Is that right?", his policeman friend asked.
"Yah, Yah, anyvay, dat Sven, he says, 'Everybody get into the bedroom!'
So vee all go into the bedroom....den he yells, 'Everybody git naked!'
"Vel, vee all got undressed. Den he yells, Everybody go to town!' "
"Oh, my!", exclaimed the policeman.
"Yah, Yah. I guess I'm the first one here".
***
To those in North Dakota , Minnesota , and for that matter the rest of
the country, including Canada, I must report the sad news that Ole was
shot. He was up by the Canadian border on his 4-wheeler cutting some
trees when some rangers looking for terrorists spotted him.
According to the news reports, the rangers shouted to him over a
loudspeaker, "Who are you and what are you doing?"
Ole shouted back, "OLE..... BIN LOGGIN'!"
-<>-
_____
/ \
(____/\ )
|___ U?(____
_\L. | \ ___
/ /"""\ /.-' | |\ |
( / _/u | \___|_)_|
\| \\ / / \_(___ __)
| \\ / / | | |
| ) _/ / ) | |
_\__/.-' /___( | | Contemplation or Constipation ?
_/ __________/ \ | |
// / ( ) | |
( \__|___\ \______ /__|____|
\ (___\ |______)_/
\ |\ \ \ /
\ | \__ ) )___/
\ \ )/ /__( -Michael Reeung-
___ | /_//___| \_________
_/ ( / OUuuu \
`----'(____________)
>THE TOILET SEAT
Charlie's wife, Lucy, had been after him for several weeks to paint the
seat on their toilet. Finally, he got around to doing it while Lucy was
out. After finishing, he left to take care of another matter before she
returned.
She came in and undressed to take a shower. Before getting in the
shower, she sat on the toilet. As she tried to stand up, she realized
that the not-quite-dry epoxy paint had glued her to the toilet seat.
About that time, Charlie got home and realized her predicament.
They both pushed and pulled without any success whatsoever.
Finally, in desperation, Charlie undid the toilet seat bolts.
Lucy wrapped a sheet around herself and Charlie drove her to the
hospital emergency room.
The ER Doctor got her into a position where he could study how to free
her (Try to get a mental picture of this.).
Lucy tried to lighten the embarrassment of it all by saying, "Well,
Doctor, I'll bet you've never seen anything like this before."
The Doctor replied, "Actually, I've seen lots of them... I just never
saw one mounted and framed."
---
...LMAO! Some Really Good ones! Thanks Linda!
==========================================================
>-->From Our Friend EdLaF :)
Did you swear the witness
in Ralf?
\ `,
___ #
|/ ?
Well, he Was swearing... | , )\
/ /__/\ \____ #####
,- / \_/ \ _/_ ####
/\,_\ |/| / < _____ _> \ [.[.]-=##
) "\ -|.|--/___/ ,___/___\- /_ )#
\ ___Y. _____'-'______|\/______________ |__ #
__)/ [_______________________________] \___/
/) \ | | .'\$/\`-.
/|| .| | _...._ | ( `.Y.' ( )
__;_||__|_______| ,-' ALT. '-_ |____|:__o___|_|_
[________________| / ASCII- \ |________________]
| | | _ _ART ____. | |
| Balif | | / / \| ||_)| | | |
| RALF | \\_\_/|_|| \|/ | |
____| | -_ ,- | |____
| | `-...,-' | |
| | | |
|_______________|_____________________________|_______________|
/ /
/ / /
/ Taken from original
/ / typing by b'ger
/ and David Palmer's art
________________________________________________________________________
>Legal Advice...
1. Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with
grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.
2. Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will
roll to the least accessible corner.
3. Law of Probability -The probability of being watched is directly
proportional to the stupidity of your act
4. Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get
a busy signal and someone always answers.
5. Law of the Alibi - If you tell the boss you were late for work
because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a
flat tire.
6. Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one
you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works
every time).
7. Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the
telephone rings.
8. Law of Close Encounters -The probability of meeting someone you
know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want
to be seen with.
9. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a
machine won't work, it will.
10. Law of bio mechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely
proportional to the reach.
11. Law of the Theater and Hockey Arena - At any event, the people
whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are
the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food,
beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the
performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come
early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies, and stay
to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very
surly folk.
12. The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee,
your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the
coffee is cold.
13. Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only two people in a
locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
14. Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly
sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the
newness and cost of the carpet or rug.
15. Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if you don't know
what you are talking about.
16. Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're
ugly.
17. Oliver's Law of Public Speaking - A closed mouth gathers no feet.
18. Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you
find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.
19. Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go
to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. But don't
make an appointment, and you'll stay sick.
---
...LOL! Thanks EdLaF!
========================================================
>-->From Our Friend Johanna :)
[politics]
,
(`-.-/( .:::::.,
`-.__) ``:\:: . /7_.-,
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>Winds of Change....
Forward this email to a minimum of twenty people on your
address list; in turn ask each of those to do likewise.
In three days, most people in The United States of America
will have the message. This is one idea that really should be
passed around.
_*Congressional Reform Act of 2011*_
1. No Tenure / No Pension.
A Congressman/woman collects a salary while in
office and receives no pay when they're out of office.
2. Congress (past, present & future) participates in Social
Security.
All funds in the Congressional retirement fund move to the
Social Security system immediately. All future funds flow into
the Social Security system, and Congress participates with the
American people. It may not be used for any other purpose.
3. Congress can purchase their own retirement plan,
just as all Americans do.
4. Congress will no longer vote themselves a pay raise.
Congressional pay will rise by the lower of CPI or 3%.
5. Congress loses their current health care system and
participates in the same health care system as the American
people.
6. Congress must equally abide by all laws they impose on
the American people.
7. All contracts with past and present Congressmen/women are
void effective 2/1/12. The American people did not make this
contract with Congressmen/women.
8. "All individuals running for an elected office must use the
same amount of funds so that no one person may have a financial
advantage to become elected."
Congressmen/women made all these contracts for themselves.
Serving in Congress is an honor, not a career. The Founding Fathers
envisioned citizen legislators, so ours should serve their
term(s), then go home and back to work.
If each person contacts a minimum of twenty people then it will
only take three days for most people (in the U.S. ) to receive
the message. Don't you think it's time?
THIS IS HOW YOU FIX CONGRESS!
If you agree with the above, pass it on. If not, just delete.
You are one of my 20+ - Please keep it going, and thanks.
---
...Sounds good to me! Thanks Johanna!
========================================================
>-->In The Worldly News:
[politics]
>From Our Friend Dan :)
I believe some of you will be happy to hear of this news.
-Dan
Patriots: Great news! Today the 10th Circuit Court in Colorado
overturned the ruling by a federal district judge that the Stolen
Valor act, which makes lying about having received military
awards a federal crime, was unconstitutional.
10th Circuit upholds Stolen Valor Act
http://tinyurl.com/7zwyx3f
---
...Great News! Thanks Dan!
-<>-
>From AFA:
Get the AFA Journal Free delivered to your inbox each month
http://tinyurl.com/76cdz7d
-<>-
>From VisionToAmerica:
Sign the petition to overturn Roe v. Wade
http://tinyurl.com/7xelal3
Documents Prove Eric Holder Lied
January 30, 2012 - Morning Edition
http://tinyurl.com/7tvqcbo
-<>-
>From CowboyByte:
Get Your Paws Off Our Laws!
http://tinyurl.com/73znda2
-<>-
>From BizarreNews:
*-- 'Scream rooms' principal takes leave --*
MIDDLETOWN, Conn. - The principal of a Connecticut elementary school
under fire for use of so-called scream rooms, has announced she is
taking a leave of absence. Patricia Girard, principal at Farm Hill
Elementary School in Middletown, told The Hartford (Conn.) Courant
Wednesday she would take a leave of absence to spend time with her
family for personal reasons. She said she plans to return to the school
as principal. Controversy has surrounded the school since some parents
showed concern about its use of "scream rooms," where out-of-control
students are sent to calm down. Parents at a Jan. 10 board of education
meetings said the rooms posed a danger to students and staff and caused
disruptions for the rest of the school. One parent started an online
petition seeking the ouster of three special education administrators
over use of the rooms. Connecticut state law permits the use of
time-out rooms only for students with an Individualized Education Plan.
The school district said Jan. 13 it would no longer use the rooms for
students without IEPs. Two state agencies are investigating the use of
the rooms at Farm Hill, the Courant said Thursday.
*-- Elephant gets contact lens --*
AMSTERDAM, Netherlands - A 45-year-old Asian elephant at a Netherlands
zoo has become the first of her species in Europe to be outfitted with
a contact lens. Officials with the Artis Zoo in Amsterdam said the
elephant, Win Thida, had to undergo surgery and be outfitted with a
contact lens after her eye was badly injured during a fight with
another elephant, the British newspaper The Daily Telegraph reported
Thursday. "I was called in when the zoo reported that Win Thida's eye
was painful and streaming," veterinarian Anne-Marie Verbruggen said.
"The main difficulty was her height. Elephants can't lie down for long
before their immense weight impairs their breathing, so I used a ladder
to get close enough. It wasn't ideal, but it worked. She seemed happier
straight away."
*-- $100 hot dog includes cognac, lobster --*
VANCOUVER, British Columbia - The world's most expensive hot dog has
debuted in Vancouver, Canada, costing $100 for the foot-long dog
infused with cognac along with lobster and Kobe beef. The founder of
dougieDog Hot Dogs, dougie luv, said in a release his brainchild uses
100-year-old Louis XIII cognac that costs more than $2,000 a bottle. He
named the creation the Dragon Dog in honor of the Chinese New Year,
which this year celebrates the year of the dragon. The dog is nestled
in Japanese Kobe beef from hand-massaged cows that is seared in olive
and truffle oils, lobster shreds and a picante sauce whose ingredients
Mr. luv wouldn't disclose. He said he intends to contact the Guinness
Book of Records to unseat the previous most-expensive hot dog at New
York's Serendipity restaurant, which sells for $69. The release said
the new hot dog would be a regular menu item and not a limited offer.
*-- Candidate appears to be time traveler --*
PARIS - A French presidential hopeful said he witnessed allied troops
landing in Normandy but the event happened 17 years before he was born.
The problem with the account Herve Morin delivered to supporters in
Nice was that the invasion took place in 1944 and he wasn't born until
1961, France 24 reported Tuesday. "You, some among you with gray hair,
witnessed the storming of the Provence beach," Morin told supporters.
"I saw the landing of the allied troops in Normandy." Morin's blooper
made him the talk of the micro-blogging site Twitter. Comments used the
hashtag #MorinMcFly in a reference to the time traveling Marty McFly
played by Michael J Fox in the "Back To The Future" movies, The Local
reported. "Herve Morin will be seeing President Abraham Lincoln today
for a working meeting" joked one tweeter. Morin registers only 1
percent in opinion polls and some members of his own New Centre party
want him to quit the presidential race and back President Nicholas
Sarkozy, the report said.
==========================================================
>-->From CleanLaffs:
=== ===
=== ===
___===____________oooo___________oooo____________===___
|___===___________________________________________===___|
=== | /O O\ | ===
dwb || || jrb
=== || || ===
( | _ | )
|| ( ) || _
|| _/_-_\_ || \
ooooO /___|___\ Ooooo ==
((( )|____^____|( ))) / \
(|)MMMMM| |#####(|) |MILK|
(_)MMMM/ \####(_) |____|
----------------------------------------------------------------------
__ ____ ___ __ ___ ___
( )(_ _) ( \ / \( _)/ __)
)( )( ) ) )( () )) _)\__ \
(__) (__) (___/ \__/(___)(___/
____ _ _ ___ ___ __ ___ _ _ __ __ __ ___ _
(_ _)( )( )( _) ( ,) / \( \( \/ ) / _) / \ / \( \ / \
)( )__( ) _) ) ,\( () )) ) )\ / ( (/\( () )( () )) ) )\_/
(__) (_)(_)(___) (___/ \__/(___/(__/ \__/ \__/ \__/(___/ (_)
My husband and I both work, so our family eats out a lot.
Recently, when we were having a rare home-cooked meal, I
handed a glass to my three year old and asked her to please
drink her milk. She looked at me bewildered, "But I didn't
order milk!"
-<>-
"Nice dog. What's its name?" I asked my friend's 10-year old
son.
"Bob," he said.
"And what's your cat's name?"
"Bob."
"Well, how do you keep them straight?" I asked.
"Well, one is Bob Cat and the other is Bob Barker," the boy
answered.
"Go ahead and tell him your rabbit's name," his father
suggested.
The kid smiled and said... "Dennis Hopper."
-<>-
First thing - every single morning - one of the secretaries
in our office opened the newspaper and read everyone's horo-
scope aloud.
"Gwen," said our boss finally, "you seem to be a normal,
levelheaded person. Do you really believe in astrology?"
"Of course not," Gwen answered. "You know how skeptical we
Capricorns are."
-<>-
Every year on their wedding anniversary my boss, Woody, and
his wife celebrated by staying at the same resort hotel. On
their 25th anniversary they booked their usual room. But
when the hotel's bell captain escorted them upstairs, they
were in for a big surprise. "There must be some mistake,"
Woody said. "This looks like the bridal suite."
"It's okay," the bell captain reassured him. "If I put you
in the ballroom, that doesn't mean you have to dance."
-<>-
Having just completed my training as the hospital's switch-
board operator, I was reasonably confident that I knew all
the codes for emergencies:
Code Blue for cardiac arrest, Code Red for fire, etc.
My first night on the job alone, however, a nurse phoned and
asked me to page a "Code Brown, Room 214."
I had no idea what that was. I called the page, then
searched frantically through my emergency manual, but I
couldn't find any description of it anywhere.
Stumped, I finally called the nurse back and asked her about
it.
"Relax," laughed the nurse. "Code Brown is what we page
when a patient is discharged and leaves behind an unfinished
box of chocolates!"
-<>-
I was in a car dealership a while ago, when a large motor
home was towed into the garage. The front of the vehicle was
in dire need of repair and the whole thing generally looked
like an extra in "Twister."
I asked the manager what had happened. He told me that the
driver had set the "cruise control" and then went in the
back to make a sandwich.
========================================================
>-->From Laugh&Lift:
The Lift:
. ____ ____
| / + \ || || /+ . \
| |o x.| =**= _ =**= | o x|
| |____| || _( )_ || |____|
| || /_____\ ||
| ______________//| |/__________________
|_______^________/ | + | /____^____
. _U_ / |___| // _U_
| /_______________________________________// |
/|\ |______________________________________|/ /|\
>The Whole Load
(by Keith Todd of The Sermon Fodder, Copyright 1997)
[Edited/additional text by Chris Long]
A young seminary graduate was sent out to preach his first official
sermon. The day he arrived at a small country church it snowed about
three feet deep. A white bearded farmer was the only person to show up
for the service.
The young minister looked at the farmer and asked, "What do you think
we should do?" The Farmer scratched his beard thoughtfully and said,
"Well, I don't know much about preaching, but I do know about farming.
If I went down to the pasture with a load of hay to feed my cows and
only one cow showed up, I'd feed that cow."
The preacher said, "Fine, you sit right there and I'll preach you a
sermon." After about ninty minutes of preaching hellfire and brimstone,
the minister concluded his sermon. Feeling pretty proud of himself the
preacher turned to the farmer and asked, "What did you think?"
The farmer scratched his beard thoughtfully and replied, "Like I said,
I don't know much about preaching, but I do know about farming. Like I
told you, if I went down to the field with a load of hay and only one
cow showed up, I'd feed that Cow. But, there's just one thing."
The preacher asked, "What's that?" The farmer replied, "I wouldn't feed
her the whole load."
Sometimes, as Christians, we are tempted to feed our unsaved friends
the whole load. We thump our bibles and even figuratively beat people
over the head with Christianity. Often our audiences are bewildered by
the insider terms we banter about. Unless you have some background in
organized church activities, those buzz words are more than a little
bewildering, they can be downright frightening.
The two prime commandments are to love God and Love People. If we live
up to that, the love of Jesus within us will be a great witness.
What does the Scripture say about feeding people the whole load?
It says simply that we are to be a witness, not a prosecutor. We
present the plan of salvation clearly, and then let the God do
the rest.
We definitely want to use words and clearly articulate the gospel
message - just being a "silent witness" is not enough. However, we
also need to be wise, and know when we've said all we need to say.
Then we just commit them to the work of the Lord. We don't save
anyone. We plant the seeds - the Lord does the work.
-<>-
The Laugh
________
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>A Serious Question
At Hebrew School, the Rabbi finished the day's lesson. It was now time
for the usual question period.
"Rabbi?" asked little Melvin "there's something I need to know."
"What's that my child?" asked the Rabbi.
"Well, according to the Scriptures, the Children of Israel crossed the
Red Sea, right?"
"Right."
"And the Children of Israel beat up the Philistines, right?"
"Uh ... right."
"And the Children of Israel built the Temple, right?"
"Again you are correct."
"And the Children of Israel fought the Egyptians, and the Children of
Israel fought the Romans, and the Children of Israel were always doing
something important, right?"
"All that is correct," agreed the Rabbi. "So what's your question?"
"What I need to know is this," demanded Melvin. "What were all the
grown-ups doing?"
-<>-
>Doggy License
During a county-wide drive to round up all unlicensed dogs, a patrolman
signaled a car to pull over to the curb.
When the driver asked why he had been stopped, the officer pointed to
the big dog sitting on the seat beside him and asked, "Does your dog
have a license?"
"No," the man said, "He doesn't need one."
"Yes he does," answered the officer.
"But," said the driver, I always do all the driving."
-<>-
.-.
o \ .-.
.----.' \
.'o) / `. o
/ |
\_) /-.
'_.` \ \
`. | \
| \ |
.--/`-. / /
.'.-/`-. `. .\|
/.' /`._ `- '-.
____(|__/`-..`- '-._ \
|`------.'-._ ` ||\ \
|| # /-. ` / || \|
|| #/ `--' / /_::_|)__
`|____|-._.-` / ||`--------`
\-.___.` | / || # |
\ | | || # # |
/`.___.'\ |.`|________|
| /`.__.'|'.`
__/ \ __/ \
/__.-.) /__.-.) LGB
>Don't It Bug You When?
**You slice your tongue licking an envelope.
**Your tire gauge lets out half the air while you're trying to get a
reading.
**A station comes in brilliantly when you're standing near the radio
but buzzes, drifts and spits every time you move away.
**There are always one or two ice cubes that won't pop out of the tray.
**You wash a garment with a tissue in the pocket and your entire
laundry comes out covered with lint.
**The car behind you blasts its horn because you let a pedestrian
finish crossing.
**A piece of foil candy wrapper makes electrical contact with your
filling.
**You set the alarm on your digital clock for 7 pm instead of 7 am.
**The radio station doesn't tell you who sang that song. grrrr
**You rub on hand cream and can't turn the bathroom doorknob to get out.
**People behind you on a supermarket line dash ahead of you to a
counter just opening up.
**Your glasses slide off your ears when you get hot and sweaty.
**You can't look up the correct spelling of a word in the dictionary
because you don't know how to spell it.
**You have to inform five different sales people in the same store that
you're just browsing.
Yes, it's the little things in life that combined together, sometimes
make us want to SCREAM!
How good it is to keep these earthly things in proper perspective, by
keeping the eternal in mind!
-<>-
,,,)),,
.' `.
_/ \_
(_ O O _)
| .:(_):. |
_.--\ .___. /--._
,' |`-.___.-'| `.
>--.__|| ||__.--<
__/ _)l_______l(_ \___
(__\|_|_|_____________|_|_|/___)
|#| /o\_______/o\ |#|
|#|| _ ||#|
|#|| =(.)__ ||#|
|#|| ..(___/.. ||#|
|#|| _ ||#|
|#|| | ||#|
|#|| .^. ||#|
|#|l_____|_|_____l|#|
.-/ /|:::::::::::::::|\ \-.
|/ / |:::::::::::::::j \ \|
/ / /---------------\ \ \
.-/ / / \ \ \-.
|/_/__/___________________\__\_\|
|| ||
`|_____________________________|' hjw
>Oh Baby...
A three year old walked over to the pregnant lady while waiting with
his mother in the doctors office.
He inquisitively asked the lady, "Why is your stomach so big?"
She replied, "I'm having a baby."
With big eyes, he asked, "Is the baby in your stomach?"
She said, "He sure is."
Then the little boy, with a puzzled look, asked, "Is it a good baby?"
She said, "Oh yes. It's a good baby."
With an even more surprised and shocked look, he asked,
"Then why did you EAT HIM???"
-<>-
>Quick Jokes
A women's lib speaker was addressing a large group and said, "Where
would man be today if it were not for woman?" She paused a moment and
looked around the room.
"I repeat, where would man be today if it were not for woman?" From
the back of the room came a voice, "He'd be in the Garden of Eden
eating strawberries."
--------
A new pastor moved into town and went out one Saturday to visit his
parishioners. All went well until he came to one house. It was obvious
that someone was home, but no one came to the door even after he had
knocked several times. Finally, he took out his card, wrote on the back
"Revelation 3:20" and stuck it in the door.
The next day, as he was counting the offering he found his card in the
collection plate. Below his message was the notation "Genesis 3:10".
Revelation 3:20 reads:
"BEHOLD I STAND AT THE DOOR AND KNOCK. IF ANY MAN HEARS MY VOICE, AND
OPENS THE DOOR, I WILL COME IN TO HIM, AND DINE WITH HIM AND HE WITH
ME."
Genesis 3:10 reads:
"AND HE SAID, I HEARD THY VOICE IN THE GARDEN, AND I WAS AFRAID BECAUSE
I WAS NAKED."
--------
(*) (*)
(__) ^ ^ (__)
(oo) | | | @(oo)@
[..] | = | [..]@@
\ | U (-) | | | | (-) U @@@@
|| ==== ||
|| ) |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| ( ||
||___)==||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||==(___||
|\====| |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| |====/|
| \ | | | | / |
= * = = = = * =
candlelight dinner
cfbd
Two psychiatrists were at a convention. As they conversed over dinner,
one asked, "What was your most difficult case?"
The other replied, "I had a patient who lived in a pure fantasy world.
He believed that an uncle in South America was going to die and leave
him a fortune. All day long he waited for a letter to arrive from an
attorney. He never went out, he never did anything, he merely sat
around and waited for this fantasy letter from this fantasy uncle. I
worked with this man eight years."
"What was the result?"
"It was an eight-year struggle. Every day for eight years, I calmingly,
but forcefully, worked with him trying to get him to come out of his
fantasy land. I finally cured him!!"
And then that stupid letter arrived..."
--------
_|_
|
/ \
//_\\
//(_)\\
|/^\|
,%%%% // \\ ,@@@@@@@,
,%%%%/%%% // \\ ,@@@\@@@@/@@,
@@@%%%\%%//%%%// === \\ @@\@@@/@@@@@
@@@@%%%%\%%%%%// =-=-= \\@@@@\@@@@@@;%#####,
@@@@%%%\%%/%%// === \\@@@@@@/@@@%%%######,
@@@@@%%%%/%%//| |\\@\\//@@%%%%%%#/####
'@@@@@%%\\/%~ | | ~ @|| %\\//%%%#####;
@@\\//@|| | __ __ | || %%||%%'######
'@|| || | | | | | || ||##\//####
|| || | | -|- | | || ||'#||###'
|| || |_|__|__|_| || || ||
|| ||_/` ======= `\__||_._|| ||
jgs__||_/` ======= `\_||___
Six year old Angie, and her four-year old brother, Joel, were sitting
together in church. Joel giggled, sang and talked out loud. Finally,
his big sister had had enough. "You're not suppose to talk out loud in
church."
"Why? Who's going to stop me?" Joel asked.
Angie pointed to the back of the church and said, "See those two men
standing by the door? They're hushers."
--------
THIS JUST IN: The smoke detector industry is covering up research
showing more people are injured every year falling from ladders and
stepstools while trying to replace smoke detector batteries than are
injured in house fires.
--------
More proof that we do all sorts of things that we have no idea why we
do:
A young couple got married. When the wife prepared to bake a ham to
celebrate their first Thanksgiving, she carefully cut off each end
before placing it in the pan.
Her husband asked her why she did that and she replied, "I don't know -
it's what my mother always did. But I can ask her."
She called Mom, who responded, "I always saw your Grandma do it, so I
did the same."
They decided to check further, so the young woman called Grandma, who
explained, "Well, you see, in those days we didn't have much money and
I only had a small pan. It was the only way I could get it to fit."
--------
/:""| .@@@@@,
|: 66|_ @@@@@@@@,
C _) aa`@@@@@@
\ ._| (_ ?@@@@
) / =' @@@@"
/`\\ \(```
|| |Y| //`\ ."~~~~~".
|| |#| / | || | .:. |
|| |#| \ | || A | /6 6\ |
|| |#| / | || |~|_|_\ e /_|_ .@@@@,
:| |=: / | |\ |_|)___`"`___(8 aa`@@@,
||_|,| | |_| \ |~~~~~~~~~| = `@@@
\)))|| | ((( | \_________/ )_/`@'
|~~~`-`~~~| `~\~~~~~~| |/ /_\ \| / || @
| | `\ / ()/___\() | || @
|_________| ( || ||~~~~~|| /~|| "`
|_________| | || || || /__W_\
| || | || || || |||
|_||__ __|_|| ||_____|| _|||
jgs (____)) (:;:;)) ||-----|| ((___)
My Dad and I were talking the other night about love and marriage.
He told me that he knew as early as their wedding what marriage to my
Mom would be like. It seems the minister asked my Mom, "Do you take
this man to be your husband." And she said, "I do."
Then the minister asked my Dad, "Do you take this woman to be your
wife," and my Mom said, "He does."
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>-->FUN Places To Net Visit :)
Origami Dollar Art 2
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dollarart2.html
I'll Never Fall
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/poems/neverfall.html
Are Angels real?
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/BibleStudy/angelsreal.html
Celebrities: The Long And Short Of It!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/celebrities2.html
When Artists Get Bored!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/abored.html
Amazing Air Cars!
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Men Will Be Boys!
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-<>-
>From our Friend Linda :)
She sent us one we have here...
Rare treat - an albino hummingbird!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ahummingbird.html
---
...Aww, thanks for the sweet reminder Linda!
-<>-
>From Our Friend Annie :)
For the ladies:
http://d21c.com/cat/sassys-stuff/template.html
---
...LMAO! A Good one! Thanks Annie!
-<>-
>From Our Friend Wesley:
ripped : free online PDF converter to doc,ppt.xls
http://goo.gl/gs9mV
---
...Cool! Thanks Wesley!
==============================================================
>-->Quotes & Thunkers:
"The Mayor of St. Louis is starting a campaign to get St.
Louis removed from the list of America's Fattest Cities.
The people of St. Louis knew they had a problem when some-
one got stuck walking through the Arch." --Conan O'Brien
"According to the 'Wall Street Journal', researchers at
Harvard have found an enzyme in the brain that regulates
obesity. They said if it wasn't for our brains, we would
all be thin. That's why supermodels are so skinny."
--Jay Leno
"A teacher was caught writing love poems to her 12 year old
boyfriend. If you’re a 30 year old woman do you really have
to romance your 12 year old male student?" --Craig Kilbourn
"My mother wanted me to go to church to meet women. That's
wrong, ain't it? 'Praise the Lord! Hey, how ya doing? Nice
dress. Look, I'm going to go over there and get some of
this wine and crackers, want some?'" --Warren Hutcherson
"Krispy Kreme Doughnuts, everybody loves them. But I thought
this was interesting on the box, "Konsult Kardiologist".
--David Letterman
"I still feel pangs of remorse over an insidious habit
I've had since I was a teenager. About three times a week,
I attend estate auctions and make insulting, low-ball bids
for prized heirlooms until I'm asked to leave."
--Dennis Miller
"Russia announced that due to a lack of animal feed they're
feeding their cows confiscated marijuana. They have over 20
tons of it and they are feeding it to the cows. Do you think
that's a good idea? Giving their cows marijuana. It's only
been a week and already some cows have moved up to crack. In
fact, three of them knocked off a seven eleven in Leningrad."
--Jay Leno
>Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy!
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-->This is for all you who love food andd DARE to make it at home Yep.
You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy,
good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :)
Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes:
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Home Recipes
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