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April 06, 2011

Life's Most Pressing Questions (Not Really)

Welcome to the latest installment of things that are just baffling me as of late...

* Last year, I had one wiry, black, pipe cleaner hair on my chin. This downhill slide to thirty has caused me to sprout two more. What is that all about? About every three weeks, I have to wrestle with the tweezers to pull them out. My chin must be very hospitable because those suckers do not want to come out without a fight. I feel like I am trying to pry open the jaws of an alligator to get those pipe cleaners out. It's weird and gross and makes me feel manly. At this rate, by the time I'm 40, I will have a beard like a billy goat.

* I went to a "Pure Romance" party last weekend. If you've never been to one of these, the sheer embarrassment of hearing a grown woman talk about about sprinkling edible glitter down to her cookie (her words) will nearly do you in. Looking at the products online and the subsequent google searches for what in the world and where in the world one uses these things were enough to make me call a friend or two and beg them to erase my computer history if I died suddenly. The laughs from that party could potentially make me discontinue my antidepressants! O.M. Golly Wolly. But seriously, who in their grown up life calls their lady bits "cookie"? Or lady bits for that matter. Sheesh.

* Why do my children, after a whole day of playing ONLY inside, still leave a whole layer of sediment in the bottom of the bathtub after they get out? I'm going out on a limb here and claiming that my children spontaneously generate dirt.

* This one is really freaking me out. This happened to our soap overnight...

N to the ASTY. I am not always the most organized person around, but my house is clean (enough). Thus, I was horrified when I saw this 99% pure bar of suds covered in penicillin. I can not for the life of me figure out how soap molds. I thought that since it is soap that it should be self cleaning. At least that is what I tell myself when I wash my face with it after cleaning my kids butts.

* Why does it always happen that right before we are getting ready to have family portraits made (this weekend) I get a major breakout? I even planned on getting a head shot to put on my business cards before some upcoming conferences (cause I must think I'm a realtor or something) and I have sprouted a red, gross, ginormous third eyeball of a zit right between my eyes. It blame it on the moldy butt soap.

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