Last year my husband died from lung cancer after a year-long devastating battle. I write about accepting the loss, missing him and how I keep Kevin in my life. I also share how the love and support I have from family and friends helps me each day.

Friday, April 14, 2017

All's well medically, still sorting

My heart's pumping fine. My brain is healthy. Doctor says I am in great shape. except for the pine pollen that has everyone including me, sneezing and wiping their noses.

Regarding the half clogged carotids, Dr. Greg (his first name and what everyone calls him) said he would order testing every six months to monitor change. And even if the build up increases I may not be in any danger with the blood still flowing to my brain. Many other factors like my health in general are used to determine what or what not to do.

We discussed the causes and one thing he brought up was nicotine. He asked if I'd ever smoked, for how long, how much a day and when I finally quit. I quit 25 years ago, smoked a pack a day off and on for 25 or so years. He explained over the years of smoking, the nicotine could have played a part in the build up in those veins. That's something I never considered.

So, for the feeling I had in my brain of being turned off and on again, we'll just leave it at that. A feeling. And I am so relieved.

I've been sniffling and sneezing for two weeks now. Dr, Greg said no, it is not the flu and likely not a cold. It is allergies due to the tremendous amount of pollen besieging us. This year is particularly bad because we haven't had rain to wash it away. Everything outside has had a permanent yellow dusting on it for weeks from the pine trees. I took Mucinex. It didn't work. The I took Zyrtek and that didn't help. Doctor told me to use Allegra instead because it is a different medication and when one doesn't work, the other one will. Hopefully, because I am tired of blowing.

Not much else going on. I did go to grief support group yesterday. My main reason was to see the other Nancy in the group. We started going at the same time and became pals, telling everyone else ours were the only names we could remember. She wasn't at the last meeting and I didn't attend the one before that, so it was a while since we'd seen each other. I wanted to let her know I don't plan to attend any more unless the need arises. Turns out she is at the same point.

Been busy going through more stuff to toss or take to Goodwill. Kevin had so many things that had meaning to him. It is hard, but I manage to let go, a little at a time. Makes me think about myself. I am worse with attachments. I don't want to get rid of my own stuff let alone pick and choose among his favorites. Yet, it is something I have to do while I can. I wouldn't want to leave it up to a beloved relative nor a perfect stranger.

I don't know about you, but I have this idea that my stuff is so important everyone else should love it as much as me. Do you know what I mean? Although, the point is well made when you see stuff with hefty pricing at yard sales. The glass that says, " God bless Milwaukee." or a seashell nightlight from Miami. We don't have those things, I just made them up.

The hardest part is removing the story behind the item in order to let go.

Happy Easter everyone. Here is a picture of Kevin wearing his Easter hat last year on this day: