5-“How did you go through a full tank of fuel in 20 days?” “My tank says “M” for “Empty” “You mean “M” for “Maximum”? “Oh.”

6-“Client states he can’t take the bus because he doesn’t have ‘freedom to do what he’s gotta do’ in public on the bus.”

7-“A-HA! You Double-Dipping Spoon Licker!”

8-“I lost my foodstamps because of the arrest warrant put out on me while I was in the coma.”

9-“I’m under the influence that you’d pay my rent.”

10-“I don’t have recites for those items.”

11- “Q: What if the client has a question?

A: We tend to discourage questions here…”

12-“My boobs hurt when babies cry.”

13-“I was told yesterday that the worker would call me if there was a problem and that if he didn’t call there was no problem. He didn’t call me, so I’m calling today to check to see if there’s a problem.”

14-“It’s like Star Wars out there. The guy in the booth sounds like Chewbacca and the other guy has lips like that fish guy.

15-“When we say work is like Nirvana here, we don’t mean paradise. We mean we feel like Kurt Cobain.”