The David got these Groupons about a million years ago and they were about to expire, so I put my no-nonsense scheduler hat on and booked us appointments to go float in a sensory deprivation tank. Oh, the things we do for love.

So, here’s what happened:

1. You get there and you learn stuff:

the tanks are supersaturated with Epsom salts (more salt than water in the solution)

one hour of floating in the tank can be the equivalent of 4 hours of sleep

soaking in the salts relieves the body of pains and injury and can enhance athletic performance

you could dream with your eyes open and have lucid dreaming

2. You shower. Put in earplugs. Get in the tank naked. Close the door.

3. Lie back and float there. The water will come up past your ears, but not really much further than your hairline, so is not close to your eyes.

4. Contemplate the darkness. Try not to think thoughts. Sleep. Wonder if you are asleep right now.

5. Decide that you did just hear the lady knocking on the tank, letting you know that your time was up. Maybe it wasn’t a knocking. Get out anyway.

6. Immediately get crusty in salty stuff.

7. Shower again.

What I thought?

I must have fallen asleep, because it felt like it was much shorter than an hour. And when the lady knocked on my tank, I was very confused. She’d said that she would come knock again in 5 minutes, but the thought of waiting there in the dark for another knock to come was too much for me. Happily, it WAS time for me to get out and she had knocked, so I didn’t go a little wonky in there.

I did not dream.
Being floaty and weightless made me feel like I had a beautiful body.
I didn’t feel like I’d had a 4 hour nap afterwards, but I also wasn’t feeling stoned or groggy, which she’d said could happen. I do feel pretty sparky today. More so than usual? Who knows. Whatever. I take the sparky as it comes.
I had lots of salt in my ears that I didn’t manage to clean when I had showered afterwards. I did not like that.

Would I do it again?

Not sure at this point. I do feel like maybe I’m better rested today. But for $90 an hour, that should probably be more than a maybe feeling. Perhaps I need to try it again to prove or disprove that inclination. I dunno.

Also, I once read this novel about a little girl who’s kept in a sensory deprivation tank by her science experimenting daddy and she develops crazy powers. I am not sure if this tidbit is a pro or a con.