Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Take a Pill, Mother

When I first bought my digital camera, I discovered the "video" feature to be the best thing evs. Why so great? While a 30 second video is not a technological breakthrough, taking a video without the person on camera realizing they're being filmed IS genius. And unless you're wearing a turban with a conspicuously shiny hole in it, secret filming is hard to come by.

This all came to a peak a few months back, when I returned to my hometown of Miami, Florida. My father picked me up at the airport at around midnight, and my dear mother was waiting at home with a fridge full of the best, fattiest salads Whole Foods has to offer. Normally, my mother is extremely glamorous, lots of makeup, hairspray, the works -- she looks like Joan Collins' sister. This video, however, was taken following a long day's work, she had removed her makeup, de-teased her hair, and, basically, looked like a maniac. She's also wearing her favorite denim dress that buttons up the front, except basically unbuttons anytime she moves even just slightly, like some kind of Oedipian Michael Jackson nightmare. One minute, Sunday morning bagels, the next minute a peep show from the darkest bowels of hell.

Moving on, I am primarily writing this to show you the new thing I learned! How to post videos online! Yay!

Here, witness my mother's very odd method of swallowing a pill, unaware, mind you, that she is being filmed. It is only when my goose honking begins that she realizes the jig is up. The video is also telling of my many mental problems, summed up easily by the First Magazine for Women's headline screaming "Walk Off 45 Pounds!", partially blocked by a gigantic container of sugary, chocolatey cookies. And that, friends, is why I am destined to pen the next generation of Cathy Comic strips, and then take a challah knife to my delicates in an effort "get thin!" Enjoy.

This video will only remain up on my blog for a day or two - tomorrow I'm going to change it to a direct link! E-mail me if you're having trouble seeing it. Remember -- this is an experiment! Try this link if it's not working! (SEE UPDATE!)

UPDATE: I just listened to this video tonight WITH sound (a luxury I am denied at work), and am beginning to think it was a mistake posting it. You have to understand, this is pure, exhausted, unadulterated laughter. My actual laugh is much, much more demure.

Update on the UPDATE: Thanks to the reader who said I have the "most disturbing transvestite-clown laugh in the entire Western hemisphere (and not in a good way)", I've taken the direct video stream off of the site. To watch the video, click here. (And note to that reader, if you have nothing nice to say, go fuck yourself.)