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There are three types of Geek single, spoken for and confused. Geeks are rarely confused about anything and so the third type is often over looked but we do exist. From the age of hmm hmmmm oh hmmm to about hmmm hmmmmm uh hmmm we were probably all confused about other humans anyway.

Sadly for me getting a nice cuddle is an unlikely event. It's complicated and that's pritty much all I'm going to say on the mater other than yes I am a little down about it.

However because I'm just that sort of guy I would find it most satisfying to bring some love and happiness to others and so have put this rough guide to the fictional saint of Valentine... that is 14th February (2/14 to you US readers).

Valantines if you do have someone

Take the whole damn day off if you can

You bloggers and super geeks do the post the night before or let the whole thing hang for a day. Power down the PC, the PDA, the iPhone, iPod, Fruit Flavoured Super Phone and every other technology driven communications device.

Okay geeks take it steady. Deep breathing. You are not going to die.

Then free of all technology and incoming calls invest every energy and minute you have in paying attention to your significant (and potentially less geeky other) as if he or she were the arrival of a new start up that could threaten all of Facebook, Twitter and Google in one go.

Find out what she likes most and do it

Consider getting from the antiques collection a thing called a pencil and another called paper (you might have seen it around the office) and take notes when you ask you love what they care about most. What their greatest passions are. What sort of things makes them want to jump out of bed in the mornings.

Try not to turn this into a "why don't you blog" sales method.

In short make the day about her (or him, or it or whatever - it's a crazy world out there).

Watch her choice of movie

You can do this geek couple style on the digital entertainment set up you built (you did that right?) or you could go out and join other people (lots of other people) and see something on the big screen.

Renting movies can be done geek style with the PC and Internet connection days before the event (like now, for example). Some possible sources include:

Amazon, ebay etc - if you want to buy the disk (you might be cutting it fine)

More advice if you do have someone

Seriously this is where you go bug Chris Parillo and let him answer some questions. I'm clearly not qualified to talk about everything and everyone know Chris is a quality long term relationship geek. The last time I checked he'd hooked up an offer for free flowers.

Valentines if you do not have someone

What can you do?

You could say stuff it and get some beer, some single mates and a few films (see the above for ideas on that). You could have a very geeky LAN Party or you could make a plan not to have to answer this question for next year.

Option one: Get A Fine Body

One possible part of your plan to make sure that you have someone to cuddle up to on valantines day could be to have a fat fighting plan. mine is a slow burner but there is no reason why you could not turn the work from home pounds into a well shapped body.

Here's an advert to suggest what you might achieve and to show some nice skin for the female readers who stop here from time to time (hello girls).

Option two: Use the force

We're geeks right. Or at least geeky to some degree so our best answer is do what we do best.

A large slice od the sites readers these days are social media power users, rising stars of blogging (hi guys) and otherwise fairly web aware people. So use that power.

You might want to use social media as a support group for example by starting or joining a facebook group called something like "alone on valentines day" or whatever - or you could be proactive with your social networking smarts and socially network to get a partner.

It is my experience (looking over the should of single people borrowing my PC) that the social networking skills of your average dating site user is 0%. However most readers of this site know full well the power of a well written bio, tag line and so forth. If you can see stuff from your side bar or make money on PPC getting a few quality dates should not be too hard.

Dating Direct and the millions of other such sites that I can not be bothered to link to right this second (I'm writing the first draft at midnight and I'm ill so cut me some slack) provide a ripe grounds for some scoial networking smarts.

Option three: "stuff it"

Why bother about all that mushy stuff when there is sexy new hardware to lust after such as this item (cue advert)

I know - it looks nice and would go well on the next LAN party. No more heavy gear to lug about... or is that the point? I don't know...

Option three for girls

Listen ladies, male geeks are fairly simple - if you are a female geek you need to (a) let him know this and (b) remind him that your a geek. Job done.

For part a we can suggest:

And for part b you could... oh hang on, for get it if part a works well it's going to be beside the point. I guess you could calculate you probabilistic compatibility rating on some website that does that sort of thing. That's where your geek skills will be needed (after all it's not good being a fake geek).

Option four: Friends

You do have friends within 100 miles of you right? I hope so because this option means getting out and sepnding time with them. Let them know you are still alive.

Many good geeky marriages are made by geeks and geekettes being introduced to each other at parties, social gathers, church dinners and other random places. It's a bit random and it keep you from reading this or any other blog but...

Valentines if your not sure if you have someone

Okay what?

If you are part of a whacky minority who have no idea where they stand then it's time the scary acid test. Make sure you send the card, flowers and whatever other tokens are socially acceptable (no, maybe not that put it back under the bed) and make sure along with them you provide a question that clarifies things.

Good questions are:

So are we, like, a couple then?

I guess this means we're dating

Why are you sleeping in my bed?

I've been meaning to ask - what is your name?

So, uh, are you, ya-know, serious about me, then?

Of course while these might be good questions under some circumstances if you've been married for five years then asking the other person in your life her name might not be the most cunning plan ever.

Notes for ultra geeks playing catch up in the social encounters game

This article contains jokes that must be decoded, laughed at and the processed before the advice can be actuated.

Notes for everyone else

Please feel free to offer hints, tips and suggestions for the three types of geek this Feburary Romance Season.