Thanks beautitudes. I know you understand. I also know that these postings are good for me.. I know there are others reading this string that also know. I wish they would all jump in here and give their two cents. It is helpin' me and I bet it would help them. Soooooo.. Post please. Let it out.. Then ride a little freer than you have been. Ride, have fun and hug those you ride with.. They may need it. Hug them when you meet up with them for allowing you into the moment and hug them at the end of the ride to hold them over til the next.

I had a date last night. The lady is six months older than me. She rides a springer softail with no windshield. She is about 5'1 or 2 and about 115 lbs. The only relavency here is that she rides a big bike and is very petite so ladies get out there and ride.
Here is how our date went. I took her to a Santana concert. The venue was Red Rocks ampitheater. It was cold and windy but the stars were out and the lights of Denver were beautiful.
The concert was fantanstic. The date was perfect. All I can say is WOW... This lady really enlightened me. She is a widow and totally understood.. The first thing she asked was.. How long has it been since you got a sincere hug? I told her that it has been a long time. She said, I know.. She runs around with several widows and widowers.. They give each other real hugs. No one understands what that is like. She gave me a wonderful real hug and we cried together.. When I took her home, she gave me another one. We danced in the isle to Santana. We held each other close and just knew it was needed. Nothin' about it was sexual. It was just heartfelt exchanges of warmth and touching. It was about the most perfect date/gift I have ever had. I think I have a new true friend that understands. We laughed together and cried together and laughed because we were cryin' and cried because we were laughin'. So.. WOW..

May your day be filled with love, hugs, smiles, laughter, rainbows and butterflies with humming birds dancin' in a gentle breeze outside your window.

smile.......you were great with your mom, and god bless you for going through that with her....i too still go to the p-hone and think i can call her....it's almost 8 years for her being gone....the night she died, i was going to call her that night, but just didn't feel like it and said to myself i will just call tommorrow instead...i was away from home and always called her on sat night....but got buzy and selfish with my own stuff....well, sunday i got the call instead ....also the same thing with my dad and the calling.....so i guess a good lesson here is to always call and say how you feel (which we have been told a trillion times and know, but choose to ignore), because with both parents, i lost big time...........also with the books, isn't it strange how you can walk into a book store and for some reason you are guided by someone to the book you need at that time...that's how i found my book....so maybe they are helping after all in their own special way......

I understand th' loosing your mom. I lost mine 26 days before Sweet Pea was diagnosed and given 30 days to live. It would have been nice to be able to talk with her on hard days about what we were goin through. Sweet Pea passed away on the same date one year later.

[/quote_messagi remember when rick died that night, and hospice and the corner were there to remove the body and they asked me to please leave the room while they bagged him, and my mom came up-but her arm around me-and said "no, she started this, and she is to finish it"...she stool by by side while he was bagged and removed from our bed.......i din't realize it at the time, but her doing that took such strength from her, and as time went on, she was right, it did let me finish that part of it....she was a wize women......isn't it strange how people die on the same dates....my dad died 5 years to the date of when we let my mom's ashes go off atop of mount washington, where my dad was also let go, so now they are together at last and are free in the wind and can soar like they were ment to do together.......

beatitudes_5 write: smile....i don't think i ever heard of that book, i sure wish i did when i lost my mom.....that's a tuff one, to lose your mom.....it's like our soulmate left us, huh?........

I understand th' loosing your mom. I lost mine 26 days before Sweet Pea was diagnosed and given 30 days to live. It would have been nice to be able to talk with her on hard days about what we were goin through. Sweet Pea passed away on the same date one year later.

[/quote_messagi remember when rick died that night, and hospice and the corner were there to remove the body and they asked me to please leave the room while they bagged him, and my mom came up-but her arm around me-and said "no, she started this, and she is to finish it"...she stool by by side while he was bagged and removed from our bed.......i din't realize it at the time, but her doing that took such strength from her, and as time went on, she was right, it did let me finish that part of it....she was a wize women......isn't it strange how people die on the same dates....my dad died 5 years to the date of when we let my mom's ashes go off atop of mount washington, where my dad was also let go, so now they are together at last and are free in the wind and can soar like they were ment to do together.......

I understand th' loosing your mom. I lost mine 26 days before Sweet Pea was diagnosed and given 30 days to live. It would have been nice to be able to talk with her on hard days about what we were goin through. Sweet Pea passed away on the same date one year later.

beatitudes_5 write: smile....i don't think i ever heard of that book, i sure wish i did when i lost my mom.....that's a tuff one, to lose your mom.....it's like our soulmate left us, huh?........

I understand th' loosing your mom. I lost mine 26 days before Sweet Pea was diagnosed and given 30 days to live. It would have been nice to be able to talk with her on hard days about what we were goin through. Sweet Pea passed away on the same date one year later.

beatitudes_5 write: smile....i don't think i ever heard of that book, i sure wish i did when i lost my mom.....that's a tuff one, to lose your mom.....it's like our soulmate left us, huh?........

Hi Bea...I enjoy the Chicken Soup for the Soul books & I had never seen this one before either. But that afternoon? There it was...Inside are all these shared stories from people sharing their losses of loved ones. Be it a parent, spouse, etc...It truly helped reading it. And actually? I never have even finished the book yet. I got through part of it & what I had read truly helped me start my healing process...
And yes, it is tough losing your Mom...especially moreso when you had been her caregiver while she was going through her cancer treatments. When I divorced in 1/01, my Mom & I even became closer. She became my best friend. When we found out she had lung cancer in 7/02, I was there for her through her treatments, going to her apt. at night & weekends doing things for her, & trying to keep her living on her own so she could have her independence for as long as she could. My Mom often called me her "Earth Angel" when she was going through her treatments. She said she wouldn't know what she would do without me...You know...she's been gone since 3/4/03 & you don't know how many times I want to pick up the p*hone & call her to tell her something & then I realize...she's gone...but I do realize that she is in a much better place now...no more pain...

ver---i got that book back in the early eighties and had gotten it for everyone who had to go thru this, if they don't have it on the shelf, they will order it...no, your not easedropping....lol...if you have trouble finding it, let me know and i will get ahold of someone who has it and find the author for you....i really think you will find the book amazing.....and looking back, how true the book is, and i think just to know your not insane was the best help i could of gotten....i think it even starts out with the first few words to the effect of "you have just experienced the worst thing that could ever happen to you"...up front and to the point....thats why i like it....good luck and let me know.....

May I suggest another book? I am not a widow/widower, but when my Mom passed away 3/4/03 from lung cancer? I really struggled for quite sometime & it seemed like no one understood why I was feeling the way I was feeling. I mean a lot of my friends were doing their best to be there for me, but I wasn't getting too much emotional support from my own family...Then one day when I was out shopping for a BD gift for a friend? I stumbled upon this book & it was the only one there. It was meant for me to find that book. It's called Chicken Soup for the Grieving Soul. That book helped pull me back from under. I remember sitting & reading that book & just nodding my head in agreement because I finally felt like someone understood how I was feeling. Hugs to all of you...

beatitudes_5 write: good2go...i was sorry to hear about your loss...yes, it is new and you have a lot of "firsts" to go through...by that i mean, so many things you do will be new to you being alone and it will be the first time....the first year is a fog, the pain was to intense and i wanted to find an answer to the insanity, but for me my answer was-there was no answer for me-...there is a wonderful book called "live after loss", it is not one of thoes do goody books on death, it is a reality book on the first year and what you will experience from forgetfulness (which has wonderful suggustions like leave an extra set of keys outside somewhere for when you lock them in your car, always bring a blank check where you go because you will forget to bring money, ect)....if anything this book will let you understand that you are not insane and the insanity and stuff you are doing (which is so unlike yourself) are perfectly ok and normal for you, with you being the important word because we are all different, and the intensity of hate and fear is also explained...it's an easy reading book, quick chapters which are broken down by the month for the first year, and the ending is terrific what they want you to do, and it does work.....my heart goes out to you, and i'll be pulling for you....just always remember what ever you do or how you do it, that its ok-there is no right and wrong-that you are ok right where you are and how you are, and please don't listen to people that try to tell you different, because they are not understanding what is happening to and with you...keep us postd on how you are doing....take care good2go.....

I think I am gonna go see if I can find that book right now. I know you were talkin' to good2go, but I am gonna take your advice as if it were for me. Sorry to eavesdrop (sp?).

good2go write: WOW,,,I am a recent widow my husband died without warning May of this year. I am new at this widow thing and by the way, it sucks!!! However I haven't had anyone shy away from be because of my status. If anything it's been the opposite, so maybe it's a gender thing? Don't know just guessing. I will tell you this though...I have started relationships thinking that i was 'ready', and i wasn't.For the ones who have dealt with loss the way that i am, your words are touching and i wish all of you the best! By the way, thank you for starting this topic, every little bit helps.

good2go...i was sorry to hear about your loss...yes, it is new and you have a lot of "firsts" to go through...by that i mean, so many things you do will be new to you being alone and it will be the first time....the first year is a fog, the pain was to intense and i wanted to find an answer to the insanity, but for me my answer was-there was no answer for me-...there is a wonderful book called "live after loss", it is not one of thoes do goody books on death, it is a reality book on the first year and what you will experience from forgetfulness (which has wonderful suggustions like leave an extra set of keys outside somewhere for when you lock them in your car, always bring a blank check where you go because you will forget to bring money, ect)....if anything this book will let you understand that you are not insane and the insanity and stuff you are doing (which is so unlike yourself) are perfectly ok and normal for you, with you being the important word because we are all different, and the intensity of hate and fear is also explained...it's an easy reading book, quick chapters which are broken down by the month for the first year, and the ending is terrific what they want you to do, and it does work.....my heart goes out to you, and i'll be pulling for you....just always remember what ever you do or how you do it, that its ok-there is no right and wrong-that you are ok right where you are and how you are, and please don't listen to people that try to tell you different, because they are not understanding what is happening to and with you...keep us postd on how you are doing....take care good2go.....

Thank you for your beautiful words. I mean married men any where. People both male and female shouldn't lie about their marital status no matter where they are. Life is just too short for that.
Dakotacee

dakotacee write: It takes time, there is no set limit of how long you should wait. Your heart will tell you when it is time to move on. I have been a widow for 18 years and it took me quite a whlle before I wanted back into the dating world. I was married for 28 years and it is very hard to loose your spouse and I was only 46.He was active duty Navy and on Submarine when he had his first heart attack at 38. Needless to say the Navy retired him. We are put on this earth for a certain time and only God know when that time is up. No one can ever take his place and I am not trying to replace "him". I am wanting to start over fresh with someone new. Married men are not in the picture and wouldn't date one. I don't think married people belong on this site, my oppion. I have only met and talked to some very nice people on here. I have never had some one not talk or date me just because I am a widow. You have to move on with your life and live for the living, not the dead. God is a very good healer.

Howdy dakota. Thank you for posting here. When I talk about married men.. I don't mean on this site or any other.. I mean out in the real world. Most women don't know that the man is married because he is not honest.
May you search for the one you are looking for be short. May that one be just as in love with you as you are with him. May that love last long enough to sit in a porch swing holding hands watching the butterflies dance over the Texas Bluebonnets in the meadow across the way.