Hardly Working / Sit-ups

Script

Hardly Working: Sit-ups

By Dan Gurewitch & David Young

INT. OFFICE - HUMPDAY
DAN and DAVID are in workout clothes. Dan is doing sit-ups,
while David holds his feet. Every time Dan gets to the top
of the sit-up, he and David exchange a BRIEF SMOOCH.
DAVID
[Smooch] Four! [Smooch]! Five!
[Smooch] Six! Come on, Dan!
Over the rest, some CONFUSED REACTIONS from others:
DAVID
[Smooch] Seven! [Smooch] Eight!
[Smooch] and... Nine! Great work!
EMILY
What are you doing?
DAN
Sit-ups.
EMILY
Yeah, but. At the top. You're-
you're smooching David. At the top.
DAN
Really? Wow, crazy. You do things a
certain way for so long, you
develop some bad habits. Thanks,
I'll keep it in mind.
Dan does another sit-up: immediate SMOOCH.
EMILY
You did it again.
DAN
Are you sure? I don't feel myself
doing it.
EMILY
Yeah, you're definitely doing it.
David, you must know that's
happening.
DAVID
Yeah I mean I guess it's not a
"perfect" sit-up, like it's not
"textbook," but, it's really good.
DAN
I guess- could you tell me when you
see me screw up?
EMILY
You mean smooch.
DAN
Because I want to do them right. I
don't want to hurt myself. Okay.
Dan does more sit-ups, smooching David each time.
EMILY
(sit-up, smooch)
Now.
(sit-up, smooch)
Now.
(sit-up, smooch)
Now.
This time, Dan freezes, his mouth pressed against David's.
DAN
Hm. Right here. So I should be-
EMILY
You should be not smooching David.
(crouching by Dan)
Okay- I feel like he's the problem,
so here, do one with me. I'll hold
your feet. Just do a normal,
regular sit-up.
Emily takes David's place, holding Dan's feet. David sits
off to the side.
DAN
Okay.
Dan does a sit-up. At the last second, he TURNS TO THE SIDE
and SMOOCHES DAVID.
EMILY
No more sit-ups!
DAN
(upset)
Hey! I want to understand, but it's
clear at this point that I don't,
and you're yelling at me. And
that's not constructive. It's
destructive.
EMILY
I'm sorry. Just- why don't you try
some push-ups?
DAN
(getting into position)
Military, diamond, wide-arm, or-
EMILY
Normal. Just a normal push-up.
DAN
You got it.
Dan bends his arms and descends towards the ground, where we
REVEAL THAT DAVID IS LYING ON HIS BACK beneath him. Wide:
Dan does a few push-ups, SMOOCHING David with every one.
Emily just watches in disbelief. Smooch. Smooch. Smooch.
EMILY
That's it. Dan, come with me.
David, you stay here. DON'T MOVE.
CUT TO:
Dan's about to do a pull-up.
EMILY
One pull-up. You got this.
Dan pulls himself up, groaning with the effort. At the top
of the pull-up, he SMOOCHES DAVID, whose head is somehow in
frame at the top of the pull-up bar, UPSIDE-DOWN.
EMILY
HOW.
DAN
Look, maybe I'm not doing it like a
professional Olympian-
DAVID
Yeah, he's not a professional
Olympian. But the pull-up was
really good.
EMILY
(furious)
NO! NO! LISTEN! You-
Emily's phone rings, and she looks at it.
EMILY
Oh my God.
(picks up, mouth drops)
Hello? ...Nate!
(covers phone; turns to Dan
and David)
Hey, guys. It's my brother, he's in
Afghanistan, I thought he was
killed in action but it turns out
he's alive. So all of this-
(half-hearted gesture to them)
-it's all sort of seeming very
inconsequential to me now, in the
grand scheme of things. Truthfully,
I'm not sure why I thought it was
my responsibility to repeatedly
point out that you were doing
something unusual. Uh, so I guess,
just, register the fact that I
don't really get what you're doing.
But ultimately, if it makes you
happy, more power to you.
(back into phone, in tears)
Nate, this is a miracle!
END.