Zombies and Monsters and Black Holes, Oh My!

I’ve never been into the Goth thing, the zombie thing, or the demons thing, probably because I have enough trouble coping with my own inner demons and dark side. I don’t believe anyone has a black soul, but I heard a description once that made me think that I and others might have an inner “black hole” like the ones in space that suck the light out of their surroundings.
The description was: “A bottomless pit of needs and wants.”
I decided that for a considerable number of years that described me perfectly. And since being needy prevents us from being loving, it explained why I had trouble even loving myself, never-the-less others.
Discovering that God was alive and well and loving us all unconditionally, even us “bottomless pits of needs and wants,” helped free me to begin depending on God’s love (grace) instead of other people and circumstances. And that is what fuels the lifelong process of learning to love both ourselves and others unconditionally. Then we each can grow into the unique, imperfect, but more and more loving, person God created us to be.
I am definitely in God’s slow learner group and I may never become as loving as many other people do, but I trust God and the process enough to believe I will reach my personal potential, however limited that may be. And that is all I am called to do.

Eileen, Thank you for your honest and moving post. Not sure I could agree with you about limited potential, though: you display bounteous grace, which defies any notion of “limitation” in my book. Shine on, lady. xoxo

Thanks Sirena, for reading my post and commenting. But, I like remembering that we each have personal limits. That way we can just do our best,
and don’t get either discouraged or egotistical by comparing ourselves with others. We only have to play the hand we were dealt. And, of course, sharing insights is much easier than living them out day after day!!!! Thanks again for all you have shared and for valuing mine.

Inner bottom hole. Very interesting. Can translate into Leaky Gut Syndrome, I suppose, where we go around one ginormous G.I., asking everyone to fill us and our felt needs. The glorious, satisfying remedy you talk of reminds me of Corrie TB who said no matter how deep our…sins, was it? Or trials, God is deeper still. I am wary of the words “loving ourself” though yes, you pinpointed so wisely how we can’t really do anyone – let alone ourselves – good if we’re so needy. We are nowhere commanded in Scripture to love ourself. The vs people twist to this end: “Love your neighbor as yourself” is one imperative, not two. He enjoins us to love as we already love ourself. Apostle Paul asks who hated his own body? We take care of it. We are wired for selfishness. But when He does fill our deepest need for love and acceptance, indeed we see our own value and can go forth in relationships with power.

I’m convinced that need is the opposite of love…..not loving ourselves leads to needs that lead to greed, addictions,soulless competition, perfectionism, etc., etc.
For me the key point is that self love isn’t the same as loving our image. Unconditional love assumes self knowledge and accepting the love of God which has no illusions, but also no limits or conditions.
This generation seems to confuse self-valuing with self-esteem. Self-esteem is conditional……our value as a human being isn’t. It appears many of us do not value ourselves, so we are perfectionists and obsessively competitive.

Also, I’ve come to think that loving others as ourselves was an early understanding by Jesus of love, as he grew in truth (understanding) and holiness (love), he called us to love one another as he loved us. Since he died for us, that’s a whole other level of love in my mind.

I love the dialogue with you. It feeds my hunger for understanding by challenging me to better articulate what I sense intuitively. I need more of it than I get “at home.” Grateful for your responses that set me thinking.