Observations in a Strange Land

Thursday, October 13, 2011

There are a multitude of reasons why relationships fail. It would be a long and arduous task to examine each particular reason for each particular person. Therefore, this particular blog entry will revolve around one particular reason why relationships fail: failure to practice in the manner that encourages success. Either consciously practicing for success was abandoned from the beginning or it has been done incorrectly for such a long time that the habit of failing has taken its place time and time again. However, practice itself has a situational context that must be explored if we are to understand its importance.

Practice has a beginning and its repetition becomes a habit. Habits can be "good" or "bad;" they can be functional or they can hinder; they can serve to build up or they can be used to tear apart. Before habits take root, it is important to plan them with as much conscious effort as possible. Relationships will perform in the manner that they were practiced. Practicing well helps relationships go well; practicing poorly will lessen the chance for harmony.

Self Knowledge

Before we can even talk about the purpose that another human being will serve in your life, how well do you know yourself? Have you explored how your family has shaped your world-view? Have you explored how your social culture influences what you consider to be important? You'd be surprised at how blind most people enter relationships without being able to answer basic questions about their family of origin. Ladies, if you had an abusive father, you might seek out men who are abusive in a similar manner. Men, if you had a neglectful mother, perhaps the women in your life are also neglectful? Perhaps you yourself have adopted a value system similar to your parents? Perhaps you are physically abusive with your wife because you witnessed your mother's boyfriends being physically abusive with your mother.

All of these topics are worth your exploration time before getting involved with another person.

Communication

What function does being in a relationship serve? Do you know why you're with your partner? Does your partner know why you're with them? Do you know why your partner is with you? The reason why communication is important is because each person has the innate need to believe that their existence is treasured and valued. And communication is how a person knows that their existence is valued. When a person believes that their existence is not treasured and valued, depression usually sets in. Now while personal perception of one's self-worth plays a large part in their belief of being a valued human being, communication from other people influences self-worth.

Lack of communication or in the inability to communicate makes being in a relationship extremely difficult. Even animals communicate to one another through hoots, grunts, or growls. Some animals communicate non-verbally through chest pounding, dragging large branches, or with colorful feathers. Humans, with our sophisticated frontal cortex, communicate both verbally and non-verbally. We can put emotions and thoughts into words, but we must practice putting thoughts and emotions into words. Journal writing or keeping a diary is a great way of practicing putting thoughts into words!

To be a better human being

People enter relationships with different, and even sometimes contradictory, goals. The purpose of practicing self-knowledge and practicing communication is to enhance the clarity of perception. All of this is for the sake of becoming a better human being, even in the absence of your partner. If each individual relied on others for motivation to become a better human being, then it almost seems that the particular individual lacks the self-directedness to strive toward a goal bigger than themselves.

Why relationships fail

In order to be the best person for your partner, several steps are needed to be taken up before your partner's eventual arrival. Getting to know yourself and practicing the articulation of thoughts and emotions for the purpose of becoming a better person (even without the motivation a partner) are what is needed. One reason why relationships fail is because people lack the drive to explore themselves before allowing another person into their personal world. Other people seem to serve as a "distraction" from personal exploration and understanding; scars left from neglectful mothers and or hurtful fathers distort and influence how others are perceived. Perhaps other people are being used in order to hide from the responsibility of processing the hurt from the past?