Positivity principle

Principle

Positive approaches are generally more effective than negative
approaches.

How it works

When persuading a person, you can use negative approaches, such as appeals
based on fear, shame and so on, or positive approaches that use happiness, pride
and so on.

The problem with negative

Negative approaches often lead to an avoidance strategy. Avoidance is
multi-directional, in that the person avoiding one thing will do anything but
that thing. If you are trying to to get them to do the thing they are avoiding,
it can seem like a sheepdog trying to round up sheep who go in any direction but
towards the dog.

The same principle applies when you use coercive methods in persuasion, where
the subject
reacts to the oppression they feel, deliberately doing anything that is not
what you want them to do. To comply feels like giving in to force and seriously
impacts their sense of control.

Positive benefits

Positive methods are respectful and supportive of the person, enhancing their
sense of identity and not
compromising their sense of control.

The paradox with positive methods is that they can seem to carry a greater
risk of failure and may reduce the sense of control that the persuader has.

Positive skills

Positive methods often seem more difficult than negative methods and need
good empathetic and communicative skills to be implemented effectively. Some people
are naturally good at this but many of us need to study and practice to develop
these skills.

Polar approaches

Many disciplines have significant literature at either end of the negative
and positive ends of the scale.

As well as perhaps indicating that positive methods are not that easy, this
also suggests that there are some situations where negative methods may be more
appropriate, for example in crises where there is insufficient time to ask
nicely.

Positive beliefs

One of the fundamental things that will help you in using positive methods
is that you have positive
beliefs about people. If you think others are decent, good and kind, then
you will be more likely to use positive methods. Negative methods tend to be
more defensive, assuming others are malevolent or uncaring.

To have positive beliefs about others, it is also important to have positive
beliefs about yourself. If you think yourself unworthy, incompetent and
inferior, then you will likely find using positive methods more difficult.

So what?

Seek first to use positive methods that encourage, that make people feel good
and which lead them to want to agree with you. Develop your skills in
this area, starting with your own beliefs about yourself and then your beliefs
about other people.

Only use negative methods when positive methods fail or where you know from
experience that the negative methods will work best.