Lightning in the dark – Chapter 2, Strip 343

Yeah, I would assume that a zombie and a pirate would smell pretty similar, especially to someone who isn’t regularly surrounded by such odors (i.e. not living on a landfill). Father John could aspire to a higher level of personal hygiene, given how his ship is equipped with modern amenities age-of-sail pirate ships were distinctly lacking in (water, ventilation, soap) – but that would definitely go against tradition, and Father John, relatively new to pirating, doesn’t want to risk anyone doubting his determination to be a real pirate. (And as a matter of historical fairness, I should point out that, while pirates were certainly extremely smelly, they were only marginally more smelly than was average for their time.)

I don’t know whether Disney has ever considered marketing toiletries under the Pirates of the Carribean brand, but a Jack Sparrow (Captain! Jack Sparrow) perfume should be reasonably easy and cheap to produce – 80 % rum, 20 % decaying organic matter…

El Lightning can thus be readily forgiven for the mix-up – he’s only human after all, and humans aren’t all that well equipped with senses, compared to some other animals: no ultraviolett or infrared vision*, limited hearing, ridiculously limited sense of smell, no ability to orientate themselves with sonic waves, no special organs for sensing electricity, salinity or anything of the sort…three-dimensional vision works pretty decently, but three-dimensional hearing a lot less so – and let’s not even argue about three-dimensional smelling… With the lights out and his ears covered by his mask, El Lightning was lucky to hit anything at all.

More on Thursday.

*Don’t ask me what happenes to the eyes of undead creatures to make them suddenly able to see that spectrum – the main reason is probably that a vampire stumbling over furniture in the dark would come over as slightly less threatening that they’re supposed to. Not to speak of their difficulties even finding their coffins in the dark – half of the evenings, they would wake up to find that they’ve rested in a packing crate, car trunk or piano.