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Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Continuing the Conversation

I wrote the following post four years ago when Prop 8 was enacted in California. It still says everything I believe about the issue. Since I wrote that post, we've continued the conversation with all the kids in small ways here and there about how any person should be able to marry the person he or she loves.

*****Today I'm going to talk politics, which I don't usually do, because this isn't that kind of blog. I don't know exactly what kind of blog this is, but it isn't a political one. Also, if you're going to leave a hateful comment or send me an e-mail telling me I'm going to hell, don't bother. You're not going to change my mind, and I don't believe in hell, anyway. I'm open to polite discussion, though.

******

This morning I was listening to NPR while driving the girls to the bus for camp. Of course, the lead story was about the overturning of Prop 8 in California. This led to an interesting and encouraging discussion with Ella about the issue. Lily didn't say much, but I could tell she was listening intently.

Me: Do you understand what the news is about?

Ella: Yes. It's about whether two girls or two boys can get married to each other, like Aunt P and Aunt S.

Me: Right. The law right now says that only a boy and girl can marry each other, not two girls or two boys.

Ella: Why can't two girls or two boys marry each other?

Me: That's a good question. Some people think that it's wrong. Some people say that it shouldn't be allowed because of the bible.

Ella: What do you think?

Me: I think that two people, boy-girl, girl-girl, boy-boy, if they love each other and aren't married to anyone else already should be allowed to get married.

Ella: And they can't be brothers or sisters.

Me: Right, they can't be related.

Ella: So Aunt P and Aunt S should be able to get married if they want to?

Me: Yes, if they want to.

Ella: The only problem I see is that if too many boys get married to boys or too many girls get married to girls, there won't be as many babies born. But I don't think that's going to be a big problem.

Me: No, probably not. There are lots more straight people than gay people. And gay couples can have children.

Ella: What do you mean "straight"?

Me: Well, when a boy likes girls and a girl likes boys, that's called being straight. When a boy likes boys, that's called being gay. There are some people who think that gay people choose to be gay and that they should just choose not to be. But scientists who study the brain say that whether you like boys or girls is part of how your brain works. You don't choose to be gay or straight any more than you choose to have brown hair.

Ella: Gay also means really, really happy. Like SpongeBob.

Me (trying not to laugh): Yes, SpongeBob is totally gay.

The discussion ended there, but I was pleased with how it went. I answered her questions as she asked them and put things in terms she could understand. My hope is that my kids' generation will grow up believing that of course any two adults can get married if they want to.