Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked (2011)

Comedy. Starring Jason Lee, David Cross and the voices of Justin Long and Christina Applegate. Directed by Mike Mitchell. (PG. 87 minutes. At Bay Area theaters.)

The decision to set the third "Alvin and the Chipmunks" movie on a remote island seems like a potential gift for cynical parents - if nothing else because of the increased presence of predators.

But alas, these rodents - spoiler alert! - survive for a fourth incarnation, which no doubt will involve the introduction of a smaller, cuter cousin. (Based on the template set by the Muppets, we don't expect them to reach outer space until at least the fifth sequel.)

The name of the movie is "Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chip-Wrecked," so at least you know what you're getting into from the start. It's an uninspired and instantly forgettable film. But it completely succeeds by its own standards: an 87-minute rainy-day distraction that will probably make a zillion dollars.

The Chipmunks and their female counterparts the Chipettes return, and so does Dave (Jason Lee), who was limited to a short cameo in the second movie. A cruise goes awry, and all of the above end up shipwrecked on the Island of Dr. Cliche, complete with a delusional castaway and an active volcano. We're not sure which "Gilligan's Island" episode this movie borrows from the most. Call it a 98-way tie.

Still, the movie does have a certain calculated genius. The story is a jumbled mess - the plot of "The Smurfs" looks like "The Usual Suspects" by comparison - but there is something in this film for absolutely everyone. Let's go down the list:

Kids: Plenty of slapstick. When one of the Chipmunks gets hit in the testicles, he actually yells, "My acorns!"

Teens: Justification for bratty behavior. If anything, it seems as if the chipmunks are rewarded for defying authority figures.

Parents: Seemingly random and mostly dated pop culture nods. During an early hang-gliding scene, Alvin says, "I can see Russia from here!" Another chipmunk references the Dos Equis "most interesting man in the world" commercials.

Carnival Cruise Lines: An advertisement. With apologies to General Motors and "Transformers: Dark of the Moon," the "Alvin"-Carnival tie-in is the most effective product placement we've seen this year.

The second dimension: For reasons that confound us, the third Chipmunk movie is not in 3-D.

Critics: An opportunity to write smug, vaguely self-congratulatory quips about the declining state of culture, while ignoring the fact that the 1980s cartoon incarnation of "Alvin" was even worse.

And with that, I'll come to the point in the bad-kid-movie review where I applaud the efforts of the trendy cult actor in a supporting role. David Cross returns as the record executive who tried to enslave the Chipmunks. Cross is the rare actor who not only survives bad movies but actually becomes funnier when fleeing from a fake-looking erupting volcano.