Thursday, 20 January 2011

Second part of Johnny's interview on the 'Neil and Debbie Breakfast Show' on one of the top ten digital radio stations in the UK, Gaydar, to talk about the story in the headlines.
Neil and Debbie also share their opinion on the story.

Thursday, 6 January 2011

It seems I'm getting into quite a habit of confessing a few little secrets in my life, past and present. But seeing as the whole world is aware of things I tried to keep quiet about for the last few years, there seems little point in holding back on anything else.

Do not believe everything you see and hear. Airbrushing and make-up conceal a multitude of sins. And although I know that there have been pictures of me edited to the point of almost non-recognition and that I do indulge in a little mascara and foundation now and then, my guilty secret serves to conceal a more lofty condition. Today, boys and girls, let me confess to you this:

I am here to tell you now that the solution to male pattern baldness is not as drastic as transplant surgery. The answer is found in a spray can that comes from Australia.

Let me introduce you to the wonder product that is 'MANE' - the hair thickener, that "Gives your hair a fuller, natural appearance in seconds". It comes in a range of 11 colours and is suitable for both men and women. And for those of you that live in London, you can get your can from the lovely people at 'Charles Fox' in Covent Garden. For the rest of you, you can order online at https://www.maneaustralia.com/buy-online/mane-products/ .

So if you want a little help with problems up above, why not take a little help from Down Under?

Wednesday, 5 January 2011

Well, I'm sure that got your attention. The truth is that I kind of am 'pissed and proud'. But I'm not pissed in the American sense of being 'annoyed or angry', or even in the British sense of being drunk.

Whether you agree with it or not, rightfully or wrongly, I have quite a following amongst young people who knew that I used to be a teacher and have been, in their words, not mine, 'proud' of how I have dealt with the situation. Some of them have even described me as a 'role model'. I don't think I am a bad person, but would certainly not recommend following me as a role model or emulating the way I have lived my life necessarily. There are far more worthy people on this planet. However, being that that is indeed the case, I feel I have a responsibility to share with those young people a chapter from my past that may also be affecting them.

Up until the age of 13, I used to wet the bed on a nightly basis. OK, I'm not saying I was proud of pissing my pyjamas, but I'm proud now to stand up and say that I used to do that and even prouder to say that it does stop and there is an end. Bedwetting is quite a common problem among young people. In most cases, they finish at a relatively young age, but some people, like myself may carry on into their high school and teen years. It is embarrassing and annoying of course. Whenever I went on school trips, which I did reluctantly, I would have to stay with a teacher or, in the case of an exchange, a teacher from the foreign school. Which actually wasn't so bad after all.

Bedwetting can be stressful for families. I'm not sure if I felt it at the time, but I definitely appreciate the fact that my Mum would wash my sheets and blankets every single day. Of course, I wasn't allowed a duvet, just a blanket a strip of a sheet and a plastic sheet covering the whole bed underneath.

The doctors tried many things to solve the condition. Medication, staying off citrus drinks, hypnosis, spending week sin hospital, I was even given gadgets that would beep and shake my pillow everytime I pissed. But none of them worked. In the end, I just stopped.

So the message to those young people who may still be suffering from a regular or occasional case of bedwetting is that you are not alone. It will stop, one day. And just because you wet your bed at one stage in your life doesn't mean you can't go on to become a banker, a civil servant, a teacher, a published writer, an actor, a singer, a stripper, a model, a porn star (funnily enough all things that I have gone onto do). You will be able to live and realise your dreams as easily as anyone else.

So you may be ashamed of wetting the bed right now. But in a few years time when it is all behind you I hope that you will be able to stand up and proudly say "yes, I used to wet my bed, but look at me now, it hasn't affected me in the slightest. I pissed and now I'm proud".

Tuesday, 4 January 2011

At last! My gym finally opened up after the holiday season. Why they think no-one wants stay fit over the Christmas period, I fail to understand. But I guess they deserve a break. Just annoying to the gym addicts like myself.

But all was not lost. I had my home gym after all, exactly for times just like this. In a future blog, I have been requested to talk about how one can effectively make use of things around the home to create a decent workout session. But today I have decided to share with you the current regime I am following.

Unlike many people who are constantly trying to lose the weight, I am someone who suffered as a child from being one of the skinnier kids (often called 'Where's Wally?' and, according to British Airways, I was underweight to be a flight attendant), so it has always been a challenge to put on the muscle and keep it there.

For those of you who suffer similar muscle building and retention issues, you maybe pleased to hear that the basis of your exercise regime is quite a simple one, albeit one that requires a lot of effort. The key to your workouts, as well as consuming sufficient protein and carbs, of course, is two words: COMPOUND EXERCISES.

Compound exercises are exercises that utilise multiple muscle groups in one go as opposed to isolation exercises which generally focus on one muscle at a time e.g. bicep curls. The main compound exercises are Bench Press, Squats and Dead Lift, but I also incorporate Barbell Rows and Military Presses. I am currently lifting only 3 sets, the first two at just 5 reps and the third one to utter exhaustion (well, not 'utter', I need you to still be alive, but until you can lift no more). Simple. Simple, but effective, and extremely hard work. Paricularly on those squats. Damn I hate them, but I love them too! You'll understand.

I am doing just 3 exercises in a session, finishing with either dips or pull-ups and I am in and out of the gym in under an hour.

So skinny guys, Compound is key. Don't over complicate things. Keep it simple! Keep it compound!

Monday, 3 January 2011

I regularly have people come to me and ask me what they can do to get a physique like mine. Many of those people don't understand why they are not achieving the body they set out to attain within the time-frame they had given themselves.

Of course, I am always flattered when people come to me for advice and feel that my body is one that they aspire to emulate. Truth is, I am still not happy with my physique and feel there are definitely areas that need improving. My body, like any serious fitness enthusiast, is a continual work in progress. In my case, it is one that begun over 12 years ago.

So, when people come to me feeling deflated that they have not achieved the physical goals they set themself, despite the fact they have stuck to a fitness and eating regime for the last few months, I have to laugh a little and feel a degree frustrated. Of course, I understand their frustration, but, to use an age-old cliche, these things don't happen overnight, or even over the space of just a few months.

Physical fitness is a life-long commitment.

It is not something than you can just begin every January and then slowly trail off within a few weeks. For the regular gym-goer like myself, the added crowds at this time of year is frustrating. This is not to say that I do not admire their courage for finally taking the step into the local gym. They can, after all, be intimidating places. But do not go there expecting that, within the space of the month, you will somehow transform into this lean, mean, fitness machine that the air-brushed model on the cover of Men's Health will have you believe that you can be.

So, what are the best ways that a new gym-goer or home gym user can stick to their long-term fitness plans? Below is a list of tips and advice that I share from my own experience, both as a fitness enthusiast and as a qualified personal trainer. However, I cannot stress any more that they are only my advice:

- do not set yourself an overly specific physical goal. To say you want to lose weight or gain muscle is brilliant, but to say, I want to look like this model, or lose 10Ibs in 4 weeks, is only lining you up for likely disappointment. You will never look like anyone else or anyone else's body. Just accept it. Enjoy the achievements as and when they happen and savour those moments.

- know exactly what you are going to do before you get to the gym. It is ABSOLUTELY pointless going to the gym with zero idea about what you are going to workout, wonder around the place and just jump on whatever machine is free. Your workout has to fit in to a week's fitness plan and has to be logical, taking into account the different body parts and your long-term goals.

- write down what you do and what weights you have lifted. Keeping a log of what you have achieved is crucial so you know where to go next. If like me, you have a bad memory, hoping that you will remember what weight and number of reps you achieved last time is pretty fruitless. Write it down.

- don't worry about other people in the gym. I constantly hear people say that other gym-goers stare at them. So what if they do? They have to look somewhere and maybe you are so drop-dead gorgeous its hard to take their eyes off you. Either way, your focus should be on YOU and nothing else. Take music, don't worry about anyone else and, if you can, try to avoid getting drawn into long chats with other gym-goers too. This will distract you from your main focus, your workout.

- start light and take small steps - progression is key. GUYS! Its not a competition. It really doesn't matter if you can lift heavier weights than the guy who was on the bench before you. No-one really cares. And you're the one who's going to look like an idiot when you find the barbell coming crashing down on you because you find you can't manage the last rep. Effective weight exercises are about doing the movement properly and utilising the muscle groups effectively. Weight progression has to be gradual, taking only the smallest increments at a time.

- everyone's body is different and reacts differently. Some people are naturally muscular or athletic. Some people can naturally seem to eat a lot of crap and not gain the weight. The key is to get in touch with your body like you never have before. Know what it likes, know what works best to get the results you want. Do not compare it to any other body, only to the one you had before.

I could bombard you with so many other tips, but these main principles are key.

One other thing to say, if ever you feel like you don't know what you're doing, just ask. You may be surprised to know that even the muscleheads, even though they look intimidating, are usually amongst some of the nicest and friendliest guys you will ever meet and are more than happy to share their knowledge (very often it is all they know, hence why they are so massive). Although I might recommend the services of a personal trainer to those who can afford one and need the motivation of another human being face-to-face, I have never personally used one. There is plenty of information in books and videos (just check out the plethora of apps and vids on the internet) if you have the time to spare to read or watch them.

Sunday, 2 January 2011

This is just a reminder to the selfish idiots out there who think it might be a good idea to invest in a living, feeling, four-legged being as a Christmas present for their offspring or partner, only to realise a few days later that they don't always follow orders, they need training, they do crap and wee, eat through your wires, require regular feeding and walking, innoculations and insurance, thereby coming to the conclusion, based on their laziness, lack of intellect, ignorance or combination of all three, that the best thing to do is to dump it somewhere.

We used to have dog licences in this country. Whatever happened to those? Even though any idiot can spread his seed, then brain-wash and pollute the minds of his/her offspring, oft scarring them for life, at least we used to have control over which degenerates can control the lives of potentially lethal domesticated wolves. But no more.

And whilst we're on the subject, there are no bad dogs, just bad owners. Treat your dog like a pile of crap, expect it to treat the rest of us like it. Dogs are not weapons or accessories! I should know that - I was told my cocker spaniel would be a pussy magnet, but most people tend to ignore me entirely and just talk to the mutt... how rude!

Don't buy a dog on a whim or as a present. Think about it, get all relevant people involved and take your role and responsibility as pack leader seriously. Otherwise, don't bother. If you know you're a fuck-wit, just be concerned with how you are afflicting yourself on the rest of the human race, don't spread it to other species too!

Thanks for listening.

Woof!

www.johnnyanglais.com

Here's a little video of my dog in the park, just to remind you what regularly comes out of dogs, in case you weren't too sure. Enjoy!

Saturday, 1 January 2011

You may think I'm about to bombard you with advice on exercise or eating healthily. While I am more than happy to share my knowledge on both these topics with you, I would like to leave them to one side and talk about a mutual enemy that we all share that is preventing the vast majority of us from reaching many of our goals.

So what am I talking about? Who is this common enemy who stands in our way of self-fulfilment?

The truth is that our own worst enemy is ourselves. If I could wish you anything for the New Year, I would wish that 2011 be the year that you finally say "Back off 'society', I'm going to do what I want to do and not what you expect me to do".

As you may be aware, I have spent the last six months standing up to the perceptions and expectations that the rules of society dictate and, boy, let me tell, I have felt liberated. While I may have upset or disappointed a few along the way, its has been incomparable to the amount of respect I have gained from friends and strangers from all around the world for standing up for what I believe in. If anything, you really find out who your true friends are. Luckily, I also have very supportive parents who have, once again in my life, stood behind me all the way.

Don't get me wrong. I don't hate society. I want to live in a society which is tolerant and close-knit, where people feel safe and connected. I just don't want to be dictated to by that society.

I appreciate many people come from communities and families where the pressures within are even greater than the general norms and practices of our given societies. But things we never change if we just do what we have always done and continue doing it. If you're happy with doing those things, then fine. But if the pressures of these societies is holding you back then join with me and many others who are saying "its my life, I will live it how I choose".

I would love to hear from anyone who has their own personal story to share about how you stood up to society and its expectations. However, big or small you think it may be, for others to hear that there are people out there who are, or have been, in a similar situation, may be all that is needed to inspire them to take life by the horns and give society the middle finger once and for all!