Okay so, by the time you read this, it might not be Valentine’s Day any more, but we’re sure you won’t mind Kipp getting all romantic on you for bit longer. Besides, since when did you expect Kipp to actually know what date it is? We’d have written this piece yesterday if some of you PR people would send us a new free desk calendar, you know.

Anyway, where were we? Ah yes, Valentine’s Day, which has been busy doing for the greeting card and flower industries what doctors do for diabetics (ie giving them a welcome shot in the arm).

Valentine’s Day is one of those genius triumphs of marketing that lays a neat little catch 22 for the consumer: If you don’t get involved you’re a killjoy, or worse, you’re cruel and heartless. And if you do get involved, you can’t be cheap – there’s nothing worse than looking cheap. And if you do go in for it in a big way, then you’ve been suckered in. It really is a genius business plan – no matter which way you turn you feel inadequate so you just keep buying stuff until it all goes away.

Make no mistake: If Valentine’s Day didn’t start as a business, it has certainly become one now. The US National Retail thingammy-jig says that Americans spent $14.7 billion for V-day in 2009. The average American citizen will have spent $116 this year, with a grand total expected to be $15.7 billion. The break down? $3.5 billion on jewelry, $1.6 billion on clothing, $3.4 billion on eating out, $1.7 billion on flowers, $1.5 billion on candy, and $1.1 on greeting cards. We’d love to give you some global stats, but we can’t find any. You get the picture, though. You know when cartoon characters get the dollar signs in their eyes? That’s V-day to florists, greeting card manufacturers, restaurants, confectionary firms and a whole host of other companies.

In our most recent poll, Kipp wanted to know, how much did you spend on Valentine’s Day? The results are in, with the largest group of respondents keeping things real – 30 percent spent AED 500 and below, making the effort but not going overboard. A further 8 percent planned on eclipsing that, but not too far – they weren’t about to go above the magical AED 1,000 mark. But they themselves were left looking a bit sheepish as no fewer than 12 percent of respondents said they were spending a whopping AED 1,000 plus.

One thousand dirhams! On Valentine’s Day! Kipp doesn’t mind generosity but seriously folks, couldn’t you split that up and just be a bit more romantic for the rest of the year?

You can guess which camp Kipp’s in, can’t you? There are only two options left, and they make up half of the respondents. Guess what. They’re spending nothing on Valentine’s Day. Not a penny. For 26 percent of total respondents, that’s because they’re single, which is fair enough, we’re sure you’ll agree. And the remaining 24 percent? They say they’re just cheap. Kipp is ashamed to tell you which of the two groups we’re in, so we’ll wrap it up there.