So Apple came up with something that looks a lot like the slate computer so many people speculated about in the past. It’s got a big touchscreen, wifi, 3g and, of course, it runs Mac OS X, right? *makes the face seen above* NO! This piece of aluminum shit is nothing but a big Iphone! What were they thinking?

Did Apple shares plummet today, following this disastrous photo of a middle-aged man buying computer hardware? That guy’s more “Maplin” than “Mac”, I would have thought.

Still, bumped my self-esteem up a little bit today. Apple users really aren’t better looking, hipper and cooler than us! All that marketing crap really is complete bollocks. And the world is slightly better place to live in as a result.

Talking of potato faced late-middle-aged men being caught photographed around this product today, did anyone see Stephen Fry? He announced it not merely as the launch of a new ‘technology’ but something with far more ‘import': a “cultural event, like a new novel…even.” You could almost see the dollar signs revolving in his eyes like a cartoon character from Warner Brothers. Revolting fat poof. I’m all for the gays and their ideas but he could turn me right off them.

Yeah, he’s got the kind of twat haircut that I would normally associate with Apple products. Another reason why this grim looking bald man is my new hero. I hope to see this become a movement. A new plan to sneak people like this guy covertly into Apple promotional photography. It’s the only way to destroy them.

And Stpehen Fry is a fuckwit. Sycofantic, gushing, twat. And when was the last time a new novel was a cultural event? You can’t count Harry Potter or The Da Vinci Code, unless you mean ‘anything popular with the common herd’ to be culture. In which case that makes the ipad launch on par with Eastenders.