Pete’s is feeling the FIERY burn of giving up the 5th seed to the equally inconsistent Yetis. Their lack of action had a big consequence; they’re now stuck playing WSL playoff savants, Black Betty.

Quick recap of their history this season: Betty swept.

I’m confident that with Pete’s fall from 5-seed grace, Chess master Sam has fired up his Orangiers with character-building insults, shots of booze and photos of Matt Abbott to get the rust off their bats and dominate both side of the diamond…Or Betty will pull a 3-peat on Pete’s.

Field #2: Crown Vic 86ers @ Turkey’s Nest (Stryker)

Well Boys, looks like our third and final meeting will have to wait until next week! That is, if you can manage to get past Mayor Buttah, Mallory-V-P and the rest of the Crown Vic’ers who are going to be looking to 86 you guys from the playoff menu. Here’s a tip, Nesters; DONT HIT IT TO SHORT STOP!!!! Mallory-V-P made some of the most insane plays last week verse Stink Hill in what ended up being a horrible loss. Hey Holland, have you thought about testing her for performance enhancers? The 86ers got a tough break last week when Chick Dude got a severe case of “vertigo”, hindering his ability to connect on a few (hundred) plays.

The Turkeys have had two weeks off in a row and may come out a little slow for this one which Crown Vic definitely must capitalize on. I heard J-Disco has been mentally preparing for this game by washing and ironing his nine pairs of jeans, every day for the past two weeks. I think he’s planning on wearing a fresh pair for every inning. I spoke to Shafer the other day and he told me The Boys of Summer had just returned from back to back fantasy camps, starting with Space Camp then moving on to Gladiator Training Camp (yes this actually exists http://www.travelandleisure.com/slideshows/the-worlds-quirkiest-adult-camps/2 ). Good luck to both teams this should be a fun one to watch.

Shafer, you still owe me 11 beers!!! I expect payment on Sunday, I’d hate for this to affect our relationship.

1pm

Field #1: Clemerica @ Spike Hill (Stryker)

Ohhhhhh Spike Hill you’ve made a huge mistake. You never should’ve won that game last week verse Crown Vic. Now you have to play us. We already beat you in the regular season (or would’ve if we hadn’t let you pick up those Candyfolk substitutes). Now we’re going to end your post season. I think O’Malley must be getting soft in his old age because he actually asked me to play on his fall team at the Kilo Bravo party. What’s this league coming to? Does no one hate me any more? The Battleship will be missing a few veteran Clemericans in the form of Markow, who’ll be jamming tea and biscuits in his mouth hole over in London, and Lea, not sure what her excuse is. This will not matter, the Battleship is fired up and are really looking forward to playing The Boys of Summer in the second round. I’m sure Bobby and Silverman will be looking to continue their offensive onslaught from last week, but the Battleship may have a couple tricks up their sleeve to to put the locks on Stink Hill.

A few notable side bets for this game:

Stryker vs. Mo.

If we win, Mo is never allowed to dye her hair pink again and has to wear a women’s pant suit for the entire 2015 season. If they win, I have to dye my hair pink and wear a women’s pant suit for the entire season.

O’Malley vs. Breeze.

If we win, O’malley has to work at Breezey’s BBQ every Saturday and Sunday next year wearing roller skates, a long blonde wig, and a mini-skirt. If they win, Breezey has to shave his beard and cut his hair then glue his beard hair to his head and his head hair to his face.

CRAIG!! vs. The Entire Spike Hill franchise.

If we win, CRAIG!! gets to play on Clemerica AND Spike Hill for any games he desires next year. If they win, CRAIG!! shows up before every Spike Hill’s game and does pre-game doughnuts on the field on his motorcycle.

NOTE: Spike Hill did not accept this bet as they saw it as a lose-lose situation.

Field #2: Reel2Reel @ Brooklyn Bowl (Shortz)

Well this is an oddly familiar scenario for the 1st round of the playoffs. Last season, this match-up marked the beginning of Reel2Reel’s Cinderella playoff-story…that unceremoniously ended in the semis against Spike Hill. Our only meet up since was in week 12, when Reel2Reel lost in a super low scoring affair.

Seven weeks later we meet again under interesting circumstances. The Royal Wedding of WSL ambassador and Bowler great, Joe Godsy is also this Sunday, so fucked if I know who’s showing up to this one. Maybe we’ll guess the number Holland’s thinking of to determine who advances.

3pm

Field #1: Turkey’s Teachers @ Good Co (WSL SUPER FAN)

GoodCo.’s hoping to transport the Fashion Cup home in this.

The 3PM game on field 1 is a rematch of a hotly contested Week 15 matchup that Good Company barely pulled out against Haz and his insurgent crew of educators. From what I’ve seen, the Teachers have some ballers but whether they can matchup with Good Company and its stacked roster of minor league and women’s college softball players remains to be seen. Seriously… you have to go watch the game if you want to see it – it will not be broadcast due to insufficient ticket sales.

With the #1 seed in hand and home field advantage for the foreseeable future, Wally, Stacy and company are looking to start a championship run right with a resounding win, bringing them one step closer to transporting the Joe Fashion trophy back home. Meanwhile, Haz’s bunch are hoping they have one more lesson to deliver on Sunday (cue the groans for that pun/simile/metaphor – don’t ask me the difference, I can never remember). Will an 8 seed shock the world? I’d say stranger things have happened, but they really haven’t, have they? The Nest is running a special promotion for the opening round – buy two big beers and the lids and straws are free. Should be a good game to drink two beers over – through a straw that is.

Field #2: Loggers @ 3 Kings (Stache)

Many of you that have followed the weekly previews throughout the 2104 WSL season may remember the Week 2 matchup between the Loggers and 3 Kings. In the aftermath of the passing of professional wrestling legend, The Ultimate Warrior, both teams paid homage to the one of the baddest dudes to set foot in the squared circle. This mutual act of respect certainly didn’t overshadow the deep disdain that these WSL squads have long had for each other!

Here we are some 5 months later, staring down another 3Ks vs Loggers Battle Royale in Round 1 of the WSL Playoffs! There’s still no love lost in this rivalry and the standings won’t mean anything come Sunday! Don’t believe me?

Maybe you need to hear it from “Rowdy” Tony Basille, and rookie sensations Craig Heitczman and Nelson Nunez.

And in a surprise to no one, “Nature Boy” Nick Price has something to add.

I don’t know about you, but I think that may have just raised the stakes on Sunday? Don’t you dare miss this one!

5pm

Field #1: Soft Spot @ AT United (WSL SUPERFAN)

AT = Alien Team.

The Soft Spot, having dispatched Pete’s this past Sunday, is riding a one-game winning streak into the playoffs. AT United, which has a weird soccer style name which I don’t really get, is looking to bounce back from an embarrassing loss to 2 seed, 3 Kings. I’ve watched Union Pool Soft Spot play for many years. With their solid core of hitters and strong defense, they’re always a tough out in the playoffs. AT is a similar team, able to string together 10 straight hits and put a game out of reach in one inning. But let’s address the elephant in the room, shall we? What is up with that team photo? The photoshopping of Pete, Lauck, Jimmy Twos and Rebecca into the photo makes me think that AT has something to hide, perhaps something to do with Aliens and Probing? The truth with come out.

Soft Spot will be full strength no doubt with Dietz, Zak, and Baby Boy anchoring a strong defense and an even stronger team. But with Jimmy Twos on the mound (barring an abduction into the sky) it won’t be easy. This may not be a battle of equals in record, but it’s a battle of two similarly dangerous teams. And the team with the most heart will prevail. Definitely worth sticking around to watch. Have a big beer… the Nest has a special – you just have to ask for the lid and straw. They are free.

Field #2: Gibson @ R Bar (Stache)

Sometimes you just can’t see the forest through the trees, right Stryker? Yes, the Gibson has had a rough decade. They absolutely enter this contest as a decided underdog. In the other dugout, no doubt R Bar will already be wondering who they’re going to play in Round 2. Brass tacks, the numbers just don’t look promising for the Gibbys on Sunday.

Not so fast! I’m here to encourage the Gibson to have some perspective! Just a few weeks ago they played this R Bar team to a respectable 12-5 final score. Yeah, they lost…BUT…they fought hard and kept it respectable! As I’m sure they’ll never forgot, the Gibson also beat my 3Ks squad earlier this season and 3Ks was one of the 2 teams to defeat R Bar this year. Possible correlation?

Maybe I am stretching for a storyline (scratch that, I am absolutely stretching for a storyline), but perhaps the Bums are ripe for an upset? It’s not unfathomable for an 8 seed to knock off a 1 seed. But that happens all the time in the NCAA Tournament! Then again, maybe this is technically more of a 1 vs 16 matchup though? Unfortunately, that’s never happened. Sorry Gibson, you might be screwed.