Questions & Answers

MARRIAGE/ SINGLENESS

QUESTION: As a single lady, can I get married to somebody who is not born-again with an aim to go and ensure that he will get saved?

ANSWER: The Apostle Paul instructed, "Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what does righteousness have in common with lawlessness? And what fellowship has light with darkness? What harmony can there be between Christ and the devil? How can a believer be a partner with an unbeliever?" (1 Corinthians 6.14-15)

God created a husband and wife to be one. (Genesis 2.24/ Mark 10.6-9/ Matthew 19.4-6) If someone is a believer and the other is an unbeliever, they are not equally yoked, so they cannot be one.

Marriage is not the answer to getting someone born again. It is best for an unbeliever to accept Jesus as their Lord before you marry them rather than afterward. The wise counsel of Scripture is that a believer should only marry another believer.

QUESTION: Did Apostle Paul have a wife before he got saved?

ANSWER: The Scriptures do not express specifically as to the Apostle Paul's marital status during the period of time before his conversion nor afterwards. However, we do know from the Scriptures that before his conversion, Paul (or Saul, as he was then called) was a Pharisee and strict observer of Mosaic Law. In his own words, Paul wrote of his former life - "You know my pedigree: a legitimate birth, circumcised on the eighth day; an Israelite from the elite tribe of Benjamin; a strict and devout adherent to God's Law, a Pharisee; a fiery defender of the purity of my religion, even to the point of persecuting Christians; a meticulous observer of everything set down in God's law Book." (Philippians 1.35-36)

According to Paul's upbringing and his devotion as a Pharisee, it is very likely that he was married before his conversion. Some commentaries propose that it was required for a Pharisee to be married.

From various statements Paul makes in his writings, it is understood that he was not married during most, if not all, of the period of time after he became a follower of Jesus. The Scriptures do not give further detail on the subject. Some Biblical commentaries and historical records propose that early in Paul's life as a believer, he was either divorced or widowed.

QUESTION: Was Elijah married?

ANSWER: The Scripture do not record at any time that Elijah was married. Many Old Testament prophets were not married. In Elijah’s case, it is understandable that he would not have been married, taking into account that he lived a very difficult life as a prophet and in most instances, it would have been impossible for him to take care of a wife and family.

QUESTION: Where did Cain get a wife?

ANSWER: The Old and New Testament texts do not provide a detailed history of Cain’s life – including his acquiring a wife.

The first mention of Cain’s wife is recorded in Genesis 4.17 – “And Cain knew his wife, and she conceived and bore Enoch.” According to rabbinical commentary, Eve (the mother of Cain) is known as the “mother of all living.” Genesis 5.4 says that Adam and eve had sons and daughters. Since all human-beings proceed from this first Man and Woman (Adam and Eve) it is suggested that Cain took one of his sisters to be his wife.

QUESTION:In 1 Timothy 3.2 I understand that Bishops and church leaders should have one wife. Now can other Christians who are not holding any leadership in church marry more than one wife?

ANSWER: God's design for marriage from the beginning is one man and one woman.

Paul advised Timothy that ministry leaders were to be blameless - to be married to one wife, to have reverent children, to be of sound, moral character, generous, not greedy, not covetous or given to addictions, but to live a godly life in every way. Ministry leaders are to be good examples of godly living, because it is to them that their followers look to as models for their own lives. So the requirement set forth for ministry leaders was also the kind of life which every Christian should strive to achieve. Be encouraged to study 1 Corinthians 7 concerning God's principles for marriage.

QUESTION: Is a person who is married to two wives allowed to join a Bible college and even pastor a church, now that when he married the two wives he was not born again but now he is born again and a committed Christian?

ANSWER: The requirements set forth in the New Testament for pastors and leaders in the church is that they be the husband of but one wife. (Titus 1.6/ 1 Timothy 3.2, 12)

Pastors and church leaders are required to be examples before the people of the ways of God. They are to exemplify life according to God's Word. Ministry leaders are to be good examples of godly living, because it is to them that their followers look to as models for their own life. So the requirement set forth for ministry leaders was also the life that every Christian should strive to achieve.

God’s design for marriage from the beginning was for one man to be married to one woman (Genesis 2.21-24). Jesus also reinforced this standard, saying – “He Who made them in the beginning ‘made them male and female’ and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ So then, they are no longer TWO but ONE FLESH. Therefore what God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19.4-6)

Polygamy is not part of God’s design for marriage. His design is for TWO, a man and a woman, to be ONE FLESH. Now when one enters into something that is contrary to God’s ways before he is born-again, he does that thing in ignorance. Therefore, when he comes to the Lord, there is mercy toward him in what he committed in ignorance. But once he begins to understand God’s ways and what God expects, that one is required to seek the Lord in regards to his own life and what changes he should make.

Even though polygamy is not God’s best, the Scriptures tell us that God hates divorce and separation. Therefore, for one who has more than one wife, he should not immediately seek to divorce his other wives. Instead, he should diligently seek the Lord, and lead his wives in seeking the Lord as to what God would have them to do in their situation. God will be faithful to show you what you are to do.

[For study concerning spouses that are not believers, see I Corinthians 7.10-16]