The playful spat between veteran broadcasters David Dimbleby and Jeremy Paxman has been blown apart after fellow political pundit John Humphrys appeared on live radio sporting a full array of metallic genital piercings.

‘It was like a piece of installation art,’ revealed a member of the Today programme production team, ‘special guest Rupert Grint didn’t know where to put himself – mind you, neither did John after all that.’

Today programme presenter John Humphrys was crowned the surprise winner of this year’s Celebrity Masterchef. Humphrys won over the judges with a breakfast menu that included the Director General of the BBC sliced and diced, then served on a platter.

In a bid to place the BBC’s ailing light entertainment reputation in ‘safer hands’ the corporation has announced that irritable news anchor Jeremy Paxman will front its new It’s a Knockout programme, assisted by humourless war correspondent Orla Guerin.