One of uOttawa’s star players and key goalmakers, Adam is fast and physical (see also: fine, fresh, fierce). Originally a hockey player and now both a Chaser and the uOttawa Quidditch Dancemaster (he choreographed and taught the team our signature pre-game chant and dance), Adam is a younger member of the team who has already racked up quite a bit of experience at the Canadian Cup (where, after a trip to the hospital for stitches, he inquired if the nurse would be done in time for him to get back to play in our game against Carleton), the Ives Pond Invitational (where, while moonlighting as a Seeker, he caught the Snitch in the first 10 seconds of overtime and also served as one of the more flamboyant Snitches), the Ottawa tournament (where his unflagging stamina propelled uOttawa through a 55-minute game against RIT), and World Cup V (where he moonlighted as one of the commentators on Field 6). A theatre student, Adam has also been known to successfully impersonate Darren Criss.

Jamie “Ice Box” Lafrance – Keeper:

Jamie’s nickname is derived from the trend of Quidditch “fridges” – but Jamie’s got the extra power to pack a colder whack than your average fridge. His power runs down the pitch with the Quaffle (knocking opposing Chasers aside like he’s going seagull bowling) are infamous. But don’t let the grizzly-bear charges and powerful tackles fool you: Jamie’s one of the most good-natured guys I’ve ever met, and after he knocks you over he’ll pick you right back up and ask you where the afterparty is.

Tegan is one of the founders of the uOttawa team – she knows what she’s about. What she lacks in height she more than makes up for in sharpshooting and an uncanny ability to be in exactly the right place at the right time (and she does. not. relinquish. Bludgers). Though she be but little, she is fierce.* Tegan is also the volunteer coordinator for the UK Summer Games, so you should take your time to thank her for all the hard work she’s put in, both to allow our team to play and run as well as it does, and for your Olympic games to run as smoothly as I’m sure they will.**

This is Hashtags McCrady, reporting for duty.Get ready for the Quibbler’s most scandalous interview yet!

I know what you’ve all been thinking: uOttawa Quidditch is sexy. They know it. You’d like to date them. Trust me, folks, we’ve heard it all before. It seems impossible that we haven’t fallen for each other, right? There’s just GOT to be a quidcest quople or two going on, and you can’t go on for another moment without knowing the details.

Fear not, Quibbler readers! I have heard your calls for scandalous gossip and I have answered them with the might of 1000 bludgers.

Here this week, professing their love for one another for the first time in public, I have President Tegan and Keeper Colin, the team’s original and most scandalous quidcest! The star-crossed lovers sat down to discuss their torrid romance, their hopes for the game they love, and all manner of kitchen appliances. Brooms up!

Co-President Tegan “Sexy Cactus” Bridge

Tegan’s beau, Keeper Colin ‘Fridge’ Ellis

Might I say, you two are absolutely adorable together. What programs and years are you in?

C: 4th year psychology student.

T: 3rd year English and classical studies.

And what brought the two of you to Quidditch?

C: I was looking to tone and get exercised. I had no idea that love might be in store for me.

T: It just seemed like the best possible way to spend my time at university.

With the best possible people, evidently. What positions do you two play?

C: As I like to tell people, including Tegan when we fight over trivialities, “But I’m a Keeper!”

C: I keep cool under pressure. I like cold things inside of me. You wouldn’t believe how low my kilowatt usage is. I’m usually the last thing in the house to get cleaned. But most of all, if a large kitchen appliance was running towards you on the field, you couldn’t stop it.

T: Our team came up with various strategies for this past year’s World Cup. One of them was Operation Snow Angel, the other was Operation Sexy Cactus and it involved getting very close to a certain Arizonian Quidditch team. That’s where I came in. Distractions are key.

Our favourite kitchen appliance barrelling down the pitch.

What has been the best moment of your quidditch career?

T: Chasing down a UPS truck in order to get our jerseys in time for the World Cup. The delivery hadn’t gone as planned and UPS asked that we go to their store at 3 pm to collect our package, except that our bus had to leave that day for New York City at noon and of course, it was Remembrance Day, so all the stores were closed for the morning so we had no way of contacting anyone from UPS. All in all, it involved Katie and I racing down the street after a runaway UPS truck and Rebecca jumping out of the shower and cycling down to Rideau so that she could sign for the package.

C: Meeting the love of my life.

T: …yes. I mean, uh, that too.

Oh, Tegan, always the hopeless romantic. What about the worst moment?

C: When they set out the team list. When they made the cuts to make the World Cup team, I’ve never been so nervous. But I should’ve known that the team needed a fine refrigerant.

T: When Steven took a broom to the eye at the World Cup and I saw all the red face paint on him and thought it was blood.

C: I thought it was when you thought I was leaving Ottawa.

T: …yes. That is what I meant.

Yes, our Fridge will be leaving us at the end of the year. (ED: the interview pauses for a moment as Tegan sheds a single tear. Colin wipes it away with his sparkly green keeper headband). What would you say is the greatest obstacle standing in the way of your formerly secret affair? Could it be the separation next year?

C: No, that would probably be my love of men(nonite culture. I really love finely made furniture).

T: No comment.

Well I’m sure the internet is just dying to know how you two first met. It’s a pretty adorable story!

C: We locked eyes from across the room and I downed my drink, while the rhythms boomed. Took her hand and skipped the names. No need here for the silly games. We made our way through the smoke and crowd. The club was the sky and I was on her cloud; moved in close as the lasers flew. Our bodies touched and the angels cried.

T: That’s not how I remember it at all.

And when did you realize you were meant to be together?

T: I wouldn’t really say we’re together.

C: Yeah, there’s always been something between us, keeping us apart but I don’t know what.

Could it be the Quidditch family’s opinion of your relationship? How do they feel about it?

T: This is the first they’re hearing of it.

C: I always wanted to come out with a bang.

Why have you kept your torrid romance a secret from the team so long?

C: I figured no one would understand. Everyone thinks that I’m this quiet soft-spoken unassuming lady-killer. (Ed: *snort*) I guess I just didn’t want to shatter the illusion.

T: I don’t think “torrid” is the word I’d use. Or “romance”. Or “secret”.

We had no idea this display was actually an attempt to seduce Tegan. Apparently it worked.

Well in the interest of the secrecy of your torrid romance (Tegan’s words, not mine), let’s get back to Quidditch. What are your jersey numbers? Any significance to them?

C: 41. When I was 9 there were 141 jelly beans in the Guess the Number of Jelly Beans in the Jar and I won the game. Since then, 41 and 141 have been my numbers.

T: 9 3/4. If you’re not sure what that means, read the books. (*cough* Matt *cough*)

What about your Hogwarts houses?

C: I am a Hufflepuff at heart, regardless of what any internet test says. GRYFFINDOR YOU’LL NEVER HAVE ME!!!

T: Ravenclaw.

And what would your best subject or major be at Hogwarts?

T: Charms. For obvious reasons.

C: She says that, but her levitating charm has never worked on me. For me, Defense Against the Dark Arts. I kill a mean closet Boggart.

Well, Tegan, let’s put that charm to the test. Describe Quidditch with as much innuendo as possible.

C: First, straddle a hard piece of wood.

T: You might have to wiggle a bit and adjust to get comfortable. That’s the magical part.

C: It’s kind of like a PG orgy. Anyone who doesn’t know the rules thinks it’s chaos, but there are definitely rules.

T: With safe words, like Princess.

C: So, in all, a little bit wild and sometimes dirty, but a definite good time.

… Oh goodness. If you two had chestmonsters (a la Harry’s strange new feelings in HP6), what would their names be?

C: Harold.

T: …I was going to say Harold… fine, Eugene.

C: Tegan, you said you weren’t going to do this in public anymore. You need to start respecting my feelings. And Harold’s.

Colin staring down photographer Tegan, in what is clearly a sexy fashion.

Did Snitch Kera try to steal Tegan’s man? Something has her upset.

Matching chestmonsters- adorable! I give it a few months to go global as the next big ‘couple’ thing. If you two began a magical family together and it came time to choose a family pet, what would it be and what would you name it?

T: It would be a Unicorn named Joe.

C: Are we not Crumple-Horned Snorkacking?

T: Save that for later.

Let’s talk a little more about that family…If you two had a child together, what would its name be and where would it fit into the ‘11 years later’ epilogue of HP7?

C: It would be a boy, a little mini-fridge. But not a beer fridge. Because we’d raise it right.

T: Renesmee. Or Bo.

C: He would be Albus Severus’ Sassy Gay Friend. He’d keep the later generation free of angst without the Mio commercials.

What animal would you change into if you were an animagus?

C: Is a fridge an animal?

T: No.

C: Then a microwave.

T: This is why this won’t work. I’d be a doe. Because that’s what my name means… and I have an everlasting love for Alan Rickman.

To conclude, what are your wildest hopes and dreams for Quidditch?

C: I am retiring this year, so I really hope that it will continue and that uOttawa will come out on top.

T: Well, the IQA is already more popular than the International Quilt Association on Google search results, so I don’t really think there’s anything left that we haven’t achieved.

True, true. That was always the dream. Well, thank you two so much for taking time out of your busy couples’ schedule of farmers markets and brunch dates to talk to the Quibbler! We simply couldn’t keep the team’s original quouple a secret for any longer.

This ends our interview with Tegan and Colin, but the fun doesn’t end here! Tweet @uo_quidditch all week to have your most scandalous questions answered.

We’re also holding a competition to find a quouple nickname for our team’s proverbial Brangelina. Send your best suggestions to us to obtain a fabulous prize!