Don’t run away when she’s upset

Fights happen when you are married. There is no way around it. You are two different people who have lived two independent lives, and now you are working to build a future together. It can be tricky and hard, especially around the holidays.

During the holidays you want to do your traditions with your family, and she wants to be with her family. Now maybe with some miracle all the activities are on different days and you can simply do both, but if you live in reality, you are going to have to make some important decisions and choose between one or the other.

In movies, the husband always agrees with the wife and everything unrealistically works out. But this is not fair to you or her because you are both two different people who are working to build a future together.

So how do you address such a situation?

1. Don't run away

I once heard that most marriages don't last when they marry a runner. When I first heard it, I was so confused. Why? Why wouldn't you want someone to be healthy in a marriage? But then I learned what they really meant.

You should marry someone who is going to address problems as they come, not run away from them.

In a marriage, both parties need to know what is happening in each other's lives, and the only way to do that is to be present, even when conflict arises. Instead of avoiding conflict or anger, stop and figure out where these emotions are coming from.

Focus on making each other happier and work on being there for each other — especially during hard times.

2. Be willing to talk

Sometimes it's easy to let your wife do all the talking. She has a lot to say or you don't feel the need to talk. Marriage is not a one-sided relationship; therefore, your conversations shouldn't be one-sided either.

You need to be willing to share what you are thinking too, and she needs to hear what you are thinking and feeling. It can be hard in the beginning to open up, but your relationship will be deeper and stronger if you do.

3. Give and take

Now that both of you are present and talking, remember that a relationship is give and take. You need to let her know what is really important to you and listen to what is really important to her; then you compromise.

Compromising means that you settle differences by mutual concessions and adjustments. You both end up giving up a little of your past life or wants in order to gain a beautiful future together.

Building a marriage can be difficult, but if you want a beautiful future together, make sure that you are present and have open communication between the two of you.