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As entertainment critic Roger
Ebert once said, "If you disagree with something I write, tell me so, argue
with me, correct me--but don't tell me to shut up. That's not the American way."

The series began a few weeks ago and can you believe we are down to the final three? It has been a bleeping ride with a few gold nuggets thrown in to make the show very entertaining. Last week Elsie had a breakdown and got the boot. However, she has been the only one to garner respect from Ramsay after she was eliminated. Let’s see how we get to the final two…umkay?

Jessica, Ralph and Michael return from Elsie’s elimination to find a bottle of champagne. Having been on the wagon for 6 months, Jessica was a little too indulgent and drank most of the bottle. Jessica decides she needs to rest in the hammock while Ralph and Michael sit at the table in the backyard. However, I am not so sure any of Jessica’s body touched the hammock as she splits the ground with a thud! At 3:23am they decide to go to bed as they have had a rough day.

At 3:49am Michael answers the phone to Ramsay telling him there is an emergency in the blue kitchen and he needs the final 3 immediately. Michael can’t wake the drunks and is still trying to get them out of bed 6 minutes later. Out of frustration Jessica jumps up to try to get Michael to leave her alone but the only thing she can do is yank and pull on her boxers/shorts she is sleeping in. They must be putting pressure on her tonsils as half her hand is up her butt pulling! Scott came to the door and saved Jessica further embarrassment.

The emergency? The baker isn’t able to supply the kitchen with bread for the place to open tonight. I guess Ramsay screamed and shouted so much at the guy that he quit! The three will make the bread and then they can head off to bed. At 5:42am Jessica is suppose to be monitoring the oven but she makes a bed out of the counter tops as a timer wakes her up. The buzz is beginning to wear off as the guys tell her to go back to the dorm to sleep. They will finish the bread.

When the bread is finished they head to bed where they get 2 hours of sleep and Mary Ann come to wake them. Chef Ramsay has decided 2 hours of sleep is enough for anyone except him and he gets at least 6 hours every night whether he needs it or not!

The three meet Ramsay in the kitchen to find out that the restaurant opens tonight and there will be 3 entrees on the menu. Each person has to make an entrée but first there is a challenge. The person that makes the best soufflé will win.

Jessica makes a mint/raspberry soufflé that looks a bit spongy and chef verifies that it is “sh!tty”.

Ralph has a chocolate, hazelnut and mint soufflé that looks really good but chef says it needs more egg whites to lift it up.

Michael makes a raspberry and chocolate soufflé that looks delicious but needs more sugar.

Ralph wins his first challenge with Michael taking second and Jessica bringing up the rear (why so many ass references and Jessica?). In a confessional Ralph admits that he has layed back in all challenges but decided to kick it up this time. I have no idea the explanation for him acting like an angry 3 year old by packing his toys and running home a loser on every challenge.

The winner gets the luxurious prize of making a decision. The order of finish will determine the order of decisions. Ralph is asked if ti will be beef, chicken or tuna. BWAHAHAHA! He doesn’t get to go on TV, fly around in a helicopter or spend time with Ramsay…just make a decision.

This is a huge decision as he gets first choice of what the wants his entrée to be. Ralph picks beef; Michael picks tuna leaving Jessica with chicken. The (secret) customers will determine who stays in Hell’s Kitchen by determining their favorite dish.

Michael decides on sesame-crusted tuna with roasted veggies and lobster rice pilaf because he wants to keep things simple. WTF? I would hate to something not simple for him. The list of ingredients is at least 30 items long.

Ralph’s menu item will be filet mignon. This sounds like a good idea because the filet has been the best selling item on Hell’s Kitchen menu. I guess Ralph is serving a piece of meat with not sides as nothing else is mentioned.

Jessica has no clue what she is going to do because she doesn’t even like chicken. Is there anything sweet cheeks likes? Oh wait, there has to be something because she isn’t a size 2. Jessica pulls Scott over and asks him if making chicken stuffed with goat cheese is appropriate and the menu is set! I guess Jessica isn’t serving veggie either as nothing else is mentioned.

Hell’s Kitchen opens and the main goal is to feed the entire restaurant with all 3 courses. However, the little secret we know but the potential chefs doesn’t is that 3 members of each of their families are seated on the balcony and out of sight. These 9 people will be given questionnaires after they are served and they will determine the final two based on their favorite dish!

The night starts off with a blast as Michael is making appetizers, Ralph veggies and Jessica desserts. Within 30 minutes Michael has many of the appetizers out but the first entrée is delayed because of Jessica. Jessica was too slow and Ramsay tells them they have to communicate and get on the same page.

An hour into service and the camera goes to the customers for feedback because the kitchen is running smoothly. The first woman is a virgin or hasn’t eaten many steaks because she says her filet is orgasmic. From her looks I would say I was accurate with the virgin comment.

The kitchen is running very well as the three chefs are communicating about how long each plate will teak to complete. However, Jessica falls behind on the desserts and stumbles a little. It really looks like Jessica is currently the weakest link.

Ralph’s family ordered each entrée and each will try. Ralph has a beautiful fiancé but she doesn’t swallow! She says she likes the filet and the tuna before she takes a bite of the chicken. She chews the chicken a few times and spits the entire bite into her napkin like a 3 year old. Wow! I now know the bond between these two.

Jessica begins to show inability to do anything as she is in the weeds big time. Chef shouts at her to get busy and get desserts out to customers. Jessica asks Ralph to switch with her. Then she has the nerve to ask Chef for help. Chef rants, raves, kicks, claws and then curses a couple of times and we move on!

There are 10 minutes left and they have 3 plates left to finish. They are all running around and communicating very nicely. They pull everything together and serve everyone…a Hell’s Kitchen first! WOO and HOO!

The three finalists gather for the cut. Chef tells them he has a surprise for them…their families.

Michael is presented with his wife and in-laws. Is it any surprise that his wife has tatts? She is cute with dark hair and a little square face. The family members will decide who goes by picking their favorite dishes. Michael’s wife and father-in-law liked the filet and the mother-in-law liked the tuna.

Ralph’s filet: 2Michael’s tuna: 1Jessica’s chicken: 0

Jessica is greeted by her girlfriend, mom and sister. I have been reading and I must admit that I am ashamed that some of you didn’t know she was a lesbian. You guys are going to have to keep those gaydars finely tuned…a little lack of use and they really fall by the wayside! The girlfriend preferred tuna (I can’t imagine a lesbian that didn’t like fish), sister the chicken and mom the filet.

Ralph’s filet: 3Michael’s tuna: 2Jessica’s chicken: 1

Ralph is greeted by his fiancé, mom and uncle. Ralph’s entire family stabs him in the back by picking Michael’s tuna as their favorite meal.

Michael’s tuna: 5Ralph’s filet: 3Jessica’s chicken: 1

Jessica leaves Hell’s Kitchen through the front door with her family!

Next week is the finale and I don’t want to give away anything except a few hints:

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