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Have you ever heard of the documentary on manifesting called “The Secret”? The one that says that all you have to do is think about what you want, and it’ll magically appear? In ways, I’m happy that it exists, because it brought the idea of manifestation to millions of people. But I also think it sets us up for unrealistic expectations of manifesting, which can lead to people feeling like it’s just another snake oil salesman scam. I want to clear some of that up, so you can give manifesting your goals a true chance. Below are three tips to help you understand how manifesting really works.

#1: Manifesting isn’t always that easy – Now, I want to preface this by saying that manifesting can be really easy (especially when you are in alignment with your soul’s desires). But it isn’t always as easy as they make it out to be in “The Secret”–so don’t give up if you don’t manifest your beach house mansion on your first try. While manifesting can happen instantly…for the bigger goals, we often need to do some inner work to become an energetic match to our desires. While taping a $100,000 check to your ceiling for you to see when you first wake up will help retrain your subconscious, it probably won’t be enough to manifest it into your life. You may have to work on the blocks associated with why you haven’t allowed $100,000 into your life up until this point.

For example, some of your blocks could be that you unconsciously feel unworthy, your parents’ own energetic income limit, or not having the business-model/job required to bring it into your life. Manifesting is usually a combination of doing inner work and taking practical steps to creating what you want in your life. If you need help with this, feel free to book a 1:1 session with me.

#2: You can have anything that you want – We hear this all the time in the self-help world…that we can have anything that we want. While this is true, there is a little asterisk that I’m going to add. You can have anything that you want, as long as it’s for your highest and greatest good. Sometimes what you think you want is not what your soul actually wants for you.

I have a little personal manifesting story to share that reflects this… I really wanted to manifest living alone in my dream neighborhood (Ocean Beach, California). This was greatly due to the fact that I work from home and am really impacted by other people’s energy (shout out to my fellow empaths!). Let’s just say that finding a place to live on the beach in California is much harder than finding a place to live in Chicago (go figure-haha)! I wrote down the list of everything I wanted in an apartment and began my search. I looked like crazy for three months for a one-bedroom with no luck. Then I looked for two more months with my good friend for a two-bedroom with no luck. Finally, we met another girl who was also looking for a place. Within a couple weeks, we manifested our 4-bedroom apartment a block from the beach for a really good deal (after searching for five months).

So why did we find the place so quickly after we met the third girl? Because it was aligned. Even though my personality wanted to live alone, my soul really wanted me to master energetic boundaries before I did. I couldn’t learn that lesson as easily if I didn’t have roommates to practice with. Not only that, but my health issues caused me to have to take off work after I moved. Paying less in rent than I would have if I was living alone helped me manage that much better. My soul could see this probable reality and may have blocked me from living alone as protection. Of course, at the time when I couldn’t find a 1-bedroom apartment, I was super annoyed about it and felt really unsupported by The Universe. But I ended up learning energetic boundaries because I was living with other people (which totally changed how I teach the hundreds of empathic women I come in contact with) and was able to take time off work to heal. Neither would have been possible if I was living alone. So…while you think that you know what you want, know that your soul is always giving you what you really need.

#3. The impression that manifesting your desires will always look the way you want it to – In my opinion, “The Secret” makes it seem like manifesting your desires will be a straight shot if you just visualize what you want in your mind. While our thoughts contribute a lot to what we manifest into our lives, there is also our soul’s plan that comes into play. And sometimes…what our soul decides to experience to get what we want makes absolutely no sense to our personality.

For instance, Ellen DeGeneres talks about how for years after she came out of the closet as a lesbian in the 90’s, she didn’t have work. She felt punished for being true to herself and the GLBT community. She talked about how she was so angry with God and applying for jobs like crazy, but nothing was coming through for her. Although she didn’t know it, that clearing out period of having no work was the answer to her prayers of finding work. She needed to let go of a lot of the stuff that wasn’t serving her in order to manifest what she really wanted. Then, she got an offer to create “Ellen”, her daytime talkshow…which obviously completely changed her life and was bigger than anything she had ever done before. Although her personality didn’t know it at the time, she wouldn’t have been an energetic match to have her own show unless she let go of all the things that were holding her back from it during that dark period. “The Secret” doesn’t really talk about this part of the the soul’s path and it can set us up to give up too soon when we have turbulence while going after our desires. Don’t make that mistake…trust your process.

I hope these tips helped motivate you to work on manifesting the goals of your soul. Again, I don’t mean to hate on “The Secret”. I watch it from time to time to get motivated myself! But oversimplifying manifestation can make it seem flakey and out of reach to some people. Remember, manifesting isn’t about what you are creating…it’s about who you are becoming!

Now over to you…how do you think “The Secret” sets us up for unrealistic expectations? What do you think “The Secret” got right? What is your favorite manifesting tip? I’d love to hear in the comments below :)