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KAITLYN KELM
I’ve never actually done karaoke before, but I
think if I did I would probably do something
that’s really popular. Probably something by
Katy Perry just ’cause I know all the words, but
I don’t necessarily listen to Katy Perry; it’s just
easy to remember the words.

MICHELE KELLY
It has to be “Material Girl.” Because it’s an ’80s
song, it’s Madonna, and it’s the best karaoke
song to sing. When I do karaoke, that’s the one
song I do. And you can’t mess up, ’cause I have
a horrible voice.

PETR BURDA
I would probably pick a song by Pink Floyd,
maybe “The Wall,” because I know I won’t forget the words in the middle of the song, and
my voice isn’t too good, so I’d pick something
that I know.

Abolishing Average
Grade creep in college has made us all resemble Lake Wobegon
BY ROBERT HEROLD

I

t’s that time of the year. I’m not referring to
Christmas season, although Christmas may
be an apt metaphor (more on this later); I’m
referring to the ending of the academic fall semester. Across the country in Higher Educationland,
this week is known as “finals week.” After finals
come grades. And it’s those grades that college
students are stressing over — stress made all the
more intense because of that term paper. (You
know — it should have been completed two or
three weeks ago, but wasn’t.)
Professors typically provide a study guide
and set time aside during the last week of class
for review. And it is on that day that we get the
usual questions: “Do you grade on a curve?”
“How long do you want my essay question
answers to be?” “What about my term paper —
how many words?” (The word count, of course,
had been provided in the syllabus.) Then comes
my personal favorite: “What do I need to do to
get an A?”
Last week, when asked this question by
one of my seemingly ever-younger freshmen, I
answered indirectly: “You know, I was just chatting about this with a colleague. He told me
that he has become more traditional about
grading — more reliant on the old standards
curve — lots fewer A’s. He told me that he is
now giving out maybe four A’s in a class.”
A moment of shock and awe: “What’s
his name? I sure don’t want to take a course
from that professor. Only four A’s!”
I then tried to explain the standard curve —
10, 20, 40, 20, 10. The gasps were audible: “Only
10 percent A’s!” responded one of the truly
shocked. Another followed with, “Forty percent
C’s; who would do that?”
Then, a surprise: the student in the back
row, on the right side of the room (a very bright
student by any standards), shot back: “Look, a
‘C’ just means AVERAGE!”
“So how do you grade?” asked another
student, no doubt concerned that he could be
dealing with a teacher who might actually believe
that some students were — horrors — average. “I
use a standard curve on my first pass through,
then I correct for distortions.”
“How do you do that?” he asked.
“Well, I then go through again and recalculate based on 90 percent and over being an A,
80 percent and over a B and so on. Say you have
a 92 percent average but 20 percent of the class
has over a 90 percent average; you will still have
earned an A.”
About this time several other students
weighed in: “I deserve an A because I study so
hard.” And a corollary: “What about the effort
we put in?” This led the student in the back row
to come back yet again to his earlier point: “C
means average!”
I thought I’d try a different tack just to
put “average” in a somewhat different light: “I

graduated from a public
high school that used
a numerical grading
system far tougher than
what I use. Try this on:
A equals 95 to 100 percent; B equals 89 to 94
percent; C equals 83 to
88 percent; D equals 75
to 82 percent. Anything
below 75 percent, and
you flunked. Forget ‘C,’

you flunked.”
This drew not only more gasps but looks of
disbelief.

G

rade creep is what we call it in Higher
Educationland. Recent articles on this
phenomenon focus on grade creep at
Harvard, where it seems no C’s are permitted —
not even that many B’s.
It’s kind of like Garrison Keillor’s Lake
Wobegon: “Where all the women are strong, all
the men are good looking and all the children are

But do grades really tell us
all that much anyway?

6 INLANDER DECEMBER 19, 2013

above average.”
It’s just that the “above average” would seem,
nowadays, to be mostly about esteem building.
Grades for “working hard.” Speaking of Christmas, it’s kind of the “I’ve been good” argument.
But do grades really tell us all that much
anyway? My brother matriculated at Dickinson
College during the late ’60s and was a member
of Phi Delta Theta (kicked off more college campuses than any other fraternity). His house set
a record with 59 consecutive quarters below the
college average GPA. Yet his “animal house” of
underachievers ended up producing an orthopedic surgeon, an ophthalmologist, five judges,
one president of Citibank Netherlands and the
American Chamber of Commerce Netherlands,
one CFO of Waste Management. Inc., one environmental author, one Assistant U.S. Attorney,
one director of curriculum for a large public
school system, one director of litigation for a
large insurance company, one president of a commercial real estate firm, one college professor, one
deputy general counsel of a federal agency (my
brother) and others including schoolteachers,
state employees and private practice attorneys.
Maybe the trick is to get beneath the grades
and figure out what really turns students into
successful people. But in the meantime, ought
we not try to avoid diminishing the efforts of my
student in the back row, the kid who really is
above average? 

COMMENT | PUBLISHER’S NOTE

OPEN ALL DAY

Future Writers of America

CHRISTMAS &
NEW YEAR’S DAY
CRAB & SEAFOOD
NO
MSG!

BY TED S. McGREGOR JR.

T

here’s a great line, to me anyway, in The
Fantastic Mr. Fox. You see, Mr. Fox — “Foxy”
to his friends and family — writes a newspaper column. Charming! But, like me, he asks his
wife, “Does anybody actually read my column?”
Now I’m happy to report that Mrs. Maher and
her third grade class at Roosevelt Elementary
have answered in the affirmative. When I wrote
in October that maybe all this Inlander stuff really
started when I dreamed up fantastic stories as
a third grader at Roosevelt, they, in fact, read it
and invited me into their classroom. Earlier this week, there I was up in front
of the little writers-in-the-making. I did the math, and asked, “So how many
years ago do you think I was sitting right there where you are?”
“Five.” “Ten.”
“Higher,” I said. “A lot higher.”
“Twenty.”
“OK, try 40.”
“Aaagghhh!!” The classroom erupted in a primal cry somewhere
between sympathy and shock. But it’s true, it was exactly 40 years ago that I
sat in Mr. Hoerner’s third grade class — in the old Roosevelt, of course, before
they replaced it.
I read them parts of a story I once wrote about how Spokanites Keith
and Dorothy Stoffel survived the Mt. St. Helens eruption as they photographed it from a Cessna — trying to explain how you can wring drama even
from true stories, aka “journalism” and “history.” They loved the part about
how kids got a week off from school after the eruption.
Then they carefully read their prepared questions — and others that
just popped into their heads. Did I ever read The Hobbit? Why don’t I write a
book? When I mentioned that I make the Inlander with my brother Jer, one
kid asked if we still fight a lot; another just announced it’s better to be the big
brother. I couldn’t disagree, but that unleashed a chorus of grievances along
the lines of, “My big brother is so annoying… ”
At that moment, a little girl — put upon in the way only an 8-yearold girl can be — stormed in and huffed, “We’re WAITING for you guys in
MUSIC!”
The class lined up, and I high-fived the kids as they wandered off to the
next memory-making moment. With their imaginations bursting and teachers feeding that fire to learn, it was just how I remembered it — the same
place where grown-ups encouraged little Ted to dream and imagine.
The last kid in line gave me a high-five, then down low, and — yep — I
was too slow. Now that kid’s going to write a column people will read. n

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DECEMBER 19, 2013 INLANDER 7

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8 INLANDER DECEMBER 19, 2013

Regarding “Ready For Takeoff” (12/5/13): An ideal
location for the aerospace industry in Spokane County
would be the site of Fairchild Air Force Base if the Air
Force ever leaves. It has acres of developable land, rail
transportation on the BNSF main line just outside the
northwest corner and space for an electricity generating
wind farm. Such a complex would generate high paying
jobs. Always recall that the Boeing Field site is a former
Air Force base.
To State Sen. Michael Baumgartner I say that
Washington state needs legislators that can get the job
done in the allotted time of a legislative session — not
with two overtime sessions. Right to Work talk has
been around for decades including a vote of the people.
Citizens of Washington do not want it because it would
drive out the highly skilled workforce.

Spokane needs a real cop as chief, like William
Bratton, former New York Police Commissioner and
Los Angeles Chief of Police. I loaned Bratton’s book on
leadership and management to Mayor Condon, but he
may have ignored it. As a native of Spokane, I believe
the former city manager system worked much better.
JIM REIERSON
Spokane, Wash.

A RISK WORTH TAKING

In response to the young man who wrote the heartfelt
acclamation of not being lonely in his bachelorhood
(“The Case for Being Alone,” 11/28/13): I did live a marriage defined by constant sacrifice to the idol of man
being head of the household. But then, I am over 60,
and we most often live out what our parents before us
LARRY A. DIXON
showed. Until — and this is the point of my response
Spokane, Wash.
— we individually wake up to what a committed marriage is really about. I had to leave my marriage of 25
years because I did not yet understand the difference
between accepting the one-sided expectation of my
Spokane may soon become a sister city of Detroit. As a
sacrifice versus the honest loving com30-year career prosecutor, I am outraged at the
mitment to being willing to sacrifice for
minimal effort to enforce traffic violations and
your loved ones if and when necessary.
aggressively prosecute the violators actually
Send comments to
The difference here is as big as the
cited. In particular, the South Hill has been
editor@inlander.com. Grand Canyon.
turned into a traffic nightmare like the North
One can never know how to be preside.
pared for real commitment in marriage.
The safety of pedestrians, especially the
It is not like caring for houseplants. And the incredible
elderly and children, is at greater risk on 29th Avenue
thrills and growth from meeting the challenges of how
since Trader Joe’s was allowed to build. Bright yellow
to compromise and/or sacrifice because you love this
pedestrian crossing signs need to be placed at both
person with your whole intention, whether or not you
Fiske and Mt. Vernon. Also, a flashing light system for
have any rational understanding of this, is a mystery
the crosswalk by Rosauers. No one follows the speed
and challenge I do hope this young man someday has
limit or cares about pedestrians due to a lack of police
the courage to risk.
presence. How many of the new 25 cops will Chief
Straub dedicate to traffic enforcement? Straub seemed
BETTY JO CRITCHFIELD
more concerned with turning his stolen bike into a
Spokane, Wash.
media event.

SOUTH HILL SPEEDERS

LETTERS

MARGIE MONTAGUE GANNON: I am
a child of the ’60s, so it has been
interesting. Looking back
and being honest I see some
of the damage it did do and
now it looks like it will be legal all over,
but look at alcohol and the people it
has ruined. We are a country that cannot deal with reality, I guess.
SHERRY STOUGHTON: I think very
slowly there is a shift in how people
see marijuana use... mine has. I’d
rather face someone that has hit the
bong hard than an alcoholic, any day.
MAUREEN PATRICK: I know young
adults unable to go forward in their
lives because they are stoned and
gaming all of the time. Sorry, I think of
it as a pathetic drug for the lazys!
HAROLD STAAM: When I was a kid I
was forced to go to rehab for smoking
weed and now my family are very
open and accepting of me being a
medical ganja patient. I even have
shown them pics of weed I’ve got.
LAUREN McLEOD: I’ve always thought
it should be legal ... I’ve had to quit
smoking because I’m looking for a
job and though it’s technically legal in
Washington state, it’s still a big no-no
in the work field, which is upsetting.
BOB KUSEL: When I was 15 it was the
gateway to hell, the gateway to heroin
and a life of addiction, by 30 it was the
topic of conversation as the best way
to get loose, by 45 it was offered by
friends at business meetings, by 60 it
was the drug of choice for most of my
generation. Now has been replaced by
laxatives, Aleve and Viagra.
MIKHALE ROGERS: It’s nice to sit
down, listen to classic FM rock tunes
remembered from my youth, and
spark up a doobie to get me past the
undergarments commercial on the
radio. It’s hell gettin’ old… 

DECEMBER 19, 2013 INLANDER 9

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10 INLANDER DECEMBER 19, 2013

COMMENT | SATIRE

A Year to Forget
W
BY ANDY BOROWITZ

ith six fingers of Johnnie
Walker swirling in his
tumbler, John Boehner
speaks with the assurance of a man
on the brink of something big.
Just three workdays remain
until Congress packs it in for 2013,
and the House that Boehner presides over is about to set the record
for the least productive year in its
history — a quixotic goal that the
tawny Ohioan set for himself when
he arrived in Washington, in 1991.
“Like most of us, I came to this
town hoping to make history,” he
says, refilling his tumbler. “And,
damn it, that’s what I’m about to
do.”
Downing his glass in one gulp,
he reflects upon “all the little things
that had to go right” to make the
year of epic underachievement
possible.
“There were the Benghazi
hearings, of course, and all the
votes to repeal Obamacare,” he
says. “But when we shut down the

government in
the fall, I started
thinking, Jesus,
the record — it
could happen.”
During
those heady
shutdown days,
Boehner didn’t dare speak about
the record he had long dreamed
of setting — “didn’t want to jinx
anything” — but with Congress’s
work year set to end Friday, he now
admits, “I’m so close I can taste it.”
So with the record for worst
Congress seemingly in the bag — “I
can cross that off my bucket list,” he
says — what does John Boehner do
for an encore?
“It’s going to be tough to make
next year’s Congress even worse,”
he says, pouring himself another
tall one. “But it’s going to be fun
trying.” n
For more fake news from Andy
Borowitz, visit borowitzreport.com.

COMMENT | THE NSA

No Need to Know
I
BY JIM HIGHTOWER

n the movie plot of a spy thriller,
our hero gets captured by agents
of a repressive government, and
they take him into a dark interrogation room, where the sadistic
spymaster hisses at him: “We have
ways of making you talk.”
Meanwhile, in real life, the
director of our National Security
Agency hisses at journalists: “We
have ways of keeping you from
talking.” Well, not quite in those
words, but Gen. Keith Alexander,
chief spook at NSA and head of U.S.
Cyber Command, did reveal a chilling disrespect for our Constitutional
right to both free speech and a free
press. In an October interview, he
called for outlawing any reporting
on his agency’s secret program of
spying on every American: “I think
it’s wrong that newspaper reporters
have all these documents… giving
them out as if these — you know, it
just doesn’t make any sense.” Then
came his spooky punch line: “We
ought to come up with a way of
stopping it… It’s wrong to allow this
to go on.”
Holy Thomas Paine! Spy on us,
OK; report on it, not. What country
does this autocrat represent? Alex-

ander’s secret,
indiscriminate,
supercomputer
scooping-up
of data on
every phone
call, email and
other private
business of every American is what
“doesn’t make any sense.” It’s an
Orwellian mass invasion of everyone’s privacy, creating the kind
of routine, 24/7 surveillance state
our government loudly deplores in
China and Russia — and it amounts
to stomping on our Fourth Amendment guarantee that we’re to be
free of “unreasonable searches and
seizures.”
That’s the real outrage we
should be “stopping.” But no, our
constitutionally clueless spymaster
doubles down on his dangerous
ignorance by also stomping on
the First Amendment. If this were
a movie, people would laugh at it
as being too silly, too far-fetched
to believe. But there it is, horribly
real. n
For more from America’s populist,
check out jimhightower.com.

DECEMBER 19, 2013 INLANDER 11

We are proud to announce
the Grand Opening of the
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with an incredible 5 course,
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Reserved seating is required
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Early ticket purchase is
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12 INLANDER DECEMBER 19, 2013

ALL CHRISTMAS DECOR

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(old Comp USA building at the intersection of Ruby, Division &
West North River Drive by the Spokane River)

Spokane Municipal Court Judge Mary Logan presides over the new community court, which is held weekly at the downtown library.

YOUNG KWAK PHOTO

JUSTICE

A New Approach

Spokane’s new community court meets offenders where
they are, and looks to help them before turning to jail
BY HEIDI GROOVER

O

n the brightly lit first floor of the downtown
Spokane library, Robert St. John, bald and
bundled in layers, sits quietly on a bench, staring
at the floor and eating a brown-bag lunch: a cellophanewrapped sandwich and a bottle of yellow Gatorade. Even
with his lengthy criminal record, this may be the first
time St. John, 43, has ever been served lunch for showing
up to court. He’s here on two counts: trespassing under
the freeway and stealing a $28 bottle of Black Velvet from
Rosauers. He says he needs stability, counseling and help
with his alcohol problem. Here, instead of jail time, he
might get it.
Past a makeshift security setup and a wall of public

art is the city’s latest experiment in criminal justice. Run
by a collection of court and law enforcement leaders, the
Spokane Community Court, which debuted early this
month, offers nonviolent offenders who commit misdemeanors downtown an alternative to the traditional path.
Instead of appearing before a judge at the courthouse
and facing potential jail time, they can attend court at the
library, where they’re also given a needs assessment and
connected with service providers. Affordable Care Act
navigators and representatives from groups like Goodwill
and SNAP are here, and in an effort to address one of
the major barriers to employment and housing — a lack
of ID — the department of licensing will be on site once

a month.
St. John spent the morning in a library conference
room talking with service providers, like those at Frontier
Behavioral Health, who he hopes can help him get the
medication and counseling he says he needs for anxiety
and paranoid schizophrenia. Now he’s waiting to enter
the room next door, to agree to a deal that will get his
charges dismissed if he gets that help, stays out of trouble
and does community service.
“This is the first time they’ve ever tried to work with
me,” St. John says. “It’s a blessing.”
The court is at once a way to address so-called
“quality of life” crimes that have plagued downtown’s
reputation and a chance to test alternative principles gaining traction locally and around the country. Jail spending
is on the rise; evidence that jailing nonviolent offenders
reduces their likelihood to reoffend is hard to come by.
Locally, the recent report from the Regional Criminal
Justice Commission has called on Spokane to find more
alternatives to incarceration.
At the court, simpler cases of people in need of community service and probation are completed quickly.
Offenders with long-term health care, mental health,
substance abuse or housing needs are connected with
multiple service providers and may be required to appear
in community court for check-ins as often as every week.
...continued on next page

DECEMBER 19, 2013 INLANDER 13

NEWS | JUSTICE
“A NEW APPROACH,” CONTINUED...
(Some research suggests that people respond to constant
feedback from an authority figure, “the black robe effect.”)
“We want to remove barriers for them to progress
forward,” says presiding Judge Mary Logan, who led the
effort to start the court. “If I can effectuate change for one
person and another person, that can turn into a group
and that can turn into a community.”

W

hen St. John appears before Logan, the city
prosecutor working his case is one who has
in the past recommended jail time for him.
But the prosecutor, Adam Papini, and St. John’s public
defender have already worked out a deal to offer him
services and 16 hours of community service instead.

“I saw him in a different light in community court.
He has needs that need to be addressed. I recognize
those now,” Papini says later. “There was a time when I
measured my success on jail time. I recognize [now] we’re
all human and we need to be recognized as human. It’s
easier to jail someone if I see them in a light that’s less
human.”
A lack of buy-in from a prosecutor, among other
members of the system — police, probation, service
providers — can doom a specialty court. That all those
players are working together here sets Spokane’s apart,
says Brett Taylor with the New York-based Center for
Court Innovation, which has helped Spokane and other
cities build community courts.
“When you start to challenge people to change the

way they practice, you can get a little pushback,” Taylor
says. “You’re taking me outside my comfort zone. You’re
subtly saying you don’t think I do things right now, and I
need to change.”
Police involvement can be especially critical because
officers are often the ones directing nonviolent offenders
they cite on the street to community court. At a debriefing meeting after the first day of community court, Assistant Spokane Police Chief Craig Meidl told organizers
he’d develop a training procedure to make sure officers
know to recommend community court to nonviolent offenders they cite downtown.
“You guys are taking that extra step,” Taylor told the
team. “You’re ahead of the curve.”
As community courts gain popularity across the

nation, success stories are common. Among them is the 13-yearold Red Hook Community Justice Center in Brooklyn, where
a recent study showed adult participants were 10 percent less
likely to commit new crimes after going through the court and
juveniles were 20 percent less likely. Even more tangible: taxpayers saved $4,756 per defendant in avoided victimization and the
court saved the city nearly $7 million total.
But those kinds of results take years, and that’s making those
behind Spokane’s Community Court anxious about patience.
“We can’t solve all of the problems of the homeless population in three months,” Logan says. “That’s a ridiculous expectation and no one should have that.”
Washington State University’s Jacqueline van Wormer, a
professor and researcher with extensive experience evaluating
specialty courts, will track the court’s progress. After a few years,
van Wormer hopes to have long-term results to study, but she’ll
start now by measuring three short-term effects, comparing a set
of offenders who went through the traditional system to a group
who participated in community court: Are those in community
court completing more community service? Are they engaging
with more social services and completing whatever services are
recommended for them? Are they reoffending less — or at least
less quickly?
Communities naturally want less recidivism, fewer people
returning to the system at all, van Wormer says. But with a complex population battling mental health or trauma issues on top of
a lack of basic needs, like housing, she says the city should view
even a slower return to crime as a success.

“I saw him in a different light in
community court. He has needs that
need to be addressed. I recognize
those now.
“The bottom line,” van Wormer says, “is that we get a better
return as a taxpayer to really try to address the underlying needs
of these individuals, rather than just strict incarceration.”
Grateful for the broad range of support the program is seeing, Logan is careful to say she’s received no pushback to the
idea of bringing the community court model to Spokane. But the
Downtown Spokane Partnership is watching the court closely.
DSP President Mark Richard says he’s behind the idea philosophically, but members of the group, which represents businesses in the downtown core, are worried its location at the library
could hurt business. Instead, he says, the group believes the city
council chambers at City Hall could be a better option.
“The sense amongst my board is that [City Hall] just might
be more conducive to that particular governmental function …
and not be, if you will, at the front door or the side door connected through a skywalk, with no restrictions into River Park
Square and those kinds of things,” Richard says.
But the library also has unique benefits: It’s a neutral ground,
both for the criminal justice representatives and for offenders. It’s
warm and it offers connections to programs like WorkSource,
which helps the unemployed find jobs.
Plus, as Logan says, unlike traditional court, it’s not “two
steps from jail.”

A

week after his first appearance, St. John comes before the
judge in the makeshift conference room courtroom again.
He’s supposed to have eight hours of community service
completed, but after a hospitalization and loss of his medications,
he hasn’t done any of it.
Logan, Papini and St. John’s public defender, Francis
Adewale, all say they understand and ask him to try again this
week. It’s not perfect, they know, but with a transient population,
it’s an accomplishment just to see someone again.
“I appreciate you appearing here today,” Papini, the prosecutor, tells him. St. John nods, looks at the floor and leaves the
room. n

DECEMBER 19, 2013 INLANDER 15

NEWS | DIGEST

NEED TO KNOW

PHOTO EYE TO MANAS AND BACK

The Big News of the Past Week

1.

A federal budget deal, negotiated by Sen. Patty Murray
(D-Wash.) and Rep. Paul
Ryan (R-Wis.), cleared the House of
Representatives last week. The new
spending plan is likely to win Senate
approval in the days ahead.

2.

Detectives believe a fatal
home-invasion shooting on the
South Hill on Sunday wasn’t a
random attack, telling reporters “the
victim was targeted.” Investigators are
still searching for the gunman.

3.

A federal judge in Washington,
D.C., ruled Monday that the National Security Agency’s mass
collection of millions of Americans’
phone records is unconstitutional.

4.

Members of the machinists
union are divided over Boeing’s proposed contract for
work on the 777X airliner. Union leaders rejected Boeing’s offer, but many
machinists want a chance to vote on it.

5.
YOUNG KWAK PHOTO

A KC-135 waits on “alert standby,” meaning it’s ready to fly in an immediate need, at the Transit Center at Manas, Kyrgyzstan. The base has served as a supply
hub for the war in Afghanistan, but operations there are expected to end next year. Inlander staff photographer Young Kwak just returned home from a trip to
Manas with a crew from Fairchild Air Force Base. Visit Inlander.com for exclusive images and insights from the trip.

ON INLANDER.com

DIGITS

500

$

16 INLANDER DECEMBER 19, 2013

A district judge ruled against
the owners of a Priest Lake,
Idaho, cabin on Tuesday, writing in her decision that the family has
no right to extend their lease on the
state-owned cabin site — despite the
fact that the remains of their ancestors
are buried there.

The tip an anonymous elderly
couple left a waitress at the
Coeur d’Alene IHOP on Monday afternoon. Their tab was
less than $50.

90

What’s Creating Buzz
The percentage of Washington’s geoduck
exports that go to China, which decided to
ban some species of shellfish from the Pacific
Northwest and Alaska after finding high
levels of a biotoxin in a recent shipment.

EVENTS: Need something to occupy
all the family in town for the holidays?
Find all the events happening between
now and Christmas on Inlander.com.

NEWS | BRIEFS

Move It Along
Spokane City Council expands sit-lie restrictions;
plus, a lawsuit against the Spokane County Sheriff’s Office
CAN’T SIT THERE

In a final 4-3 split vote (the power balance is shifting
next month), the Spokane City Council voted Monday
to extend the hours during which the city’s downtown
SIT-LIE BAN is in effect. The extension, from between
7 am and 9 pm to between 6 am and midnight, brought
more than an hour of public testimony, alternating
between business interests who said the change will
help curb crime in downtown, and activists who said it
would criminalize homelessness and add to the city’s law
enforcement costs.
Councilmembers Mike Allen, Steve Salvatori, Nancy
McLaughlin and Mike Fagan voted for the ordinance,
praising a provision that only allows the ban to take effect
when there is room open in local homeless shelters. Nay
voters Ben Stuckart, Amber Waldref and Jon Snyder
said the change was poorly timed as local efforts to find
alternatives to jail are underway. Stuckart cited court
cases and research criticizing other cities’ sit-lie laws and
warned that if officers mistakenly arrest someone when
shelters are full, the city could be open to a lawsuit.
With the other controversial matter of the night, the
council deferred a vote on a proposed police contract
agreement and ordinance relating to the police ombudsman to Feb. 3.
— HEIDI GROOVER

CLOSING THE DEAL

As legislatures across the country have been offering billions of dollars in incentive packages to woo production
of BOEING’S 777X airplane to their states, Spokane
County commissioners last week passed their own
measure to clear the way for a much smaller aerospace
company.
A few weeks ago, in an Inlander’s story on the local
aerospace industry (“Turbulence Ahead,” Dec. 5), County Commissioner Al French revealed that Spokane was a
finalist for a future site for Aviation Technical Services, a
maintenance and repair company for airplanes.
While Aviation Technical Services has been reticent
to even confirm Spokane is a contender, the commissioners have voted to sell $19 million in tax-exempt bonds
to allow Spokane International Airport to build a hanger
for ATS on airport property. As of press time, the bonds
were still pending a required public hearing.
ATS has been offered a few special incentives —
Avista Utilities and the City of Spokane have offered
to hook up sewer and power to their facility at reduced
cost to ATS, French says — but this is more of a mandatory step. Before ATS can choose Spokane, they need a
hanger to land in.
“Regardless of whether they went here or went to

Everett or southern Alabama, the same deal structure
applies,” French says. He says it won’t cost the taxpayers
or the county anything — the debt on the bond installments would be paid through ATS’s lease payments. If
ATS ever leaves, Spokane International Airport would
own the hanger.
Spokane County used a similar bond to create a
hanger for Associated Painters, the aircraft painting company that located to Spokane in 2010.
“ATS is waiting for us to take their action on this,
and they have one more internal approval, and then it’s a
done deal,” French says.
— DANIEL WALTERS

SUSPECTS SUE

Four former suspects in a Spokane County Sheriff’s Office investigation into sex trafficking in 2012 have filed
a FEDERAL CIVIL RIGHTS LAWSUIT against
the county, alleging they were wrongfully arrested and
publicly defamed over unsubstantiated accusations.
The claim, filed last week, alleges sheriff’s investigators gave undue weight to accusations from a 21-year-old
woman, who said the four people had drugged her and
forced her into prostitution. In May 2012, authorities
raided their Spokane Valley home, jailing them for nearly
a week.
Plaintiff attorney Richard Wall says any reasonable
detective would have been more skeptical of the woman’s
statements. “Nothing was corroborated,” he says.
Sheriff Ozzie Knezovich says investigators were
pursuing what they believed to be a very serious crime.
They later released the suspects and have since closed the
case.
The lawsuit does not list an amount for compensation, but seeks damages for violations of civil rights and
due process, false arrest, defamation, negligence and
emotional distress.
— JACOB JONES

When you choose Dr. Edwin Robins and the Center for Reproductive Health
to help you conceive, you’ll receive the very best care, support and
guidance right here in Spokane.
Learn more at: fer tilitydoctor.net
Or make your appointment by calling: (509) 462-7070 or (800) 334-1409
508 W. 6th Ave #500, Spokane, WA 99204

Washington’s Legislature passed a bill intended to fight Medicaid
fraud and save millions last year — then it died a quiet death
BY DANIEL WALTERS

T

he $111,705 the state Medicaid system
Spokane), to explore using similar technology to
gave to Crystal Edgington bought a lot
prevent fraudulent payments. Parker believes it
of things. It went to a home on a golf
could immediately save the state millions, but the
course in Sequim, Wash. It went to Seahawks
Washington State Health Care Authority — with
season tickets. All that money was supposed to
the power to do something about it — is skeptical,
provide in-home care for her mother. Instead,
and so far hasn’t been willing to take the next
from May 2008 to January 2012, she illegally
step.
transferred it to her father.
edicaid fraud cases can take years
They were caught, condemned in press
and years to wind through the court
releases from the Attorney General’s Office and
system, so it’s better to not pay the
sentenced to 30 days in jail for Medicaid fraud.
crooks to begin with. Parker’s bill tasked the
And her case is just a drop in the bucket.
Health Care Authority to seek out contrac“The units of measure for losses due to
tors who could provide a “predictive analytic”
health-care fraud and abuse in this country are
system. Using algorithms similar to those banks
hundreds of billions of dollars per year,” Harvard
and credit card companies use to detect credit
health-care fraud expert Malcolm Sparrow testicard fraud and identify theft, they’d analyze data
fied before Congress in 2009. “We just don’t
to automatically detect and prevent suspicious
know what the first digit is.”
transactions.
He predicted that by taking health“We would be the first state in the
care fraud seriously, the nation could
country leveraging technology in the
save as much as 10 to 20 percent of
Send comments to
private sector and applying it to our
what it spends on Medicare and Mededitor@inlander.com.
public sector approach,” Parker said in
icaid. Today, with the number of those
a February 2012 video message. Relaon Medicaid dramatically expanding,
tively conservative estimates, he says, indicate
the risk of fraud — on the part of everyone from
that preventing more fraud could save Washdoctors to petty thieves — may be even greater.
ington as much as $300 million per biennium.
Traditionally, Washington state has been
Similar programs have saved many times more
on the forefront of anti-fraud innovation; it was
than they’ve cost.
one of the first states to track down Medicaid
“It would buy a heck of a lot of teachers,”
fraudsters using data analysis. In spring 2012,
he says. His bill passed both houses with only a
the state Legislature nearly unanimously passed
single vote — a Republican — against it. In a 2012
a bill, sponsored by Rep. Kevin Parker (R-

fundraising email, Parker cited “aggressive steps to stop Medicaid
fraud” as one of his major accomplishments.
But after more than a year passed with little apparent progress, it seemed to Parker that the HCA was dragging its feet. At
the beginning of this month, he finally heard: The plan to use
predictive analytics has been dead since fall 2012.
“If I would have known, I would have been calling them
every single week, gently nudging them along,” Parker says. “I
trusted them to get the job done.”
While the HCA sent 19 vendor requests for information and
analyzed their responses, it never went any further.
“Really, it was pretty clear to us once we got all of that
together — the technology really shows some promise, but it’s not
really a mature process at this point,” says Cathie Ott, HCA division director. “We didn’t consider it to be cost-effective.”
The law encouraged the state to issue “requests for proposal”
after requesting information, but only if vendors could save the
state money without adding cost or delays to the state Medicaid
system.
Ott says the HCA vigorously examined vendors’ responses,
but says many were vague about the anticipated costs and benefits. Some of the vendors focused on detecting fraud after it had
occurred, instead of preventing it in real time. Many relied on
vastly different definitions of “predictive analytics.” (Sparrow, the
health-care fraud expert, dismisses “predictive analytics” as mostly
a marketing term for slightly more sophisticated analysis of data.)

P

arker’s disappointed. He says it’s not unusual for legislation to run into trouble when it hits the state bureaucracy,
but he trusted the HCA, giving them the flexibility they
requested in his bill.
“The Health Care Authority did not follow the intent of the
legislation,” Parker says. “They did the bare minimum.”
He doesn’t buy the notion that the technology isn’t ready.
Parker says he recently contacted two of the vendors — LexisNexis and Emdeon — and they told him that despite HCA’s skepticism, the technology exists and could be swiftly implemented.
“LexisNexis assures me that they could have their version
adapted to [Washington] state’s existing system and have it up
and running in no more than a month,” Parker writes in an email.
LexisNexis gave scant specifics to Washington state on how
much its program could save, according to HCA’s assessment
document. Emdeon provided significantly more detail, but HCA
still wasn’t satisfied.
“They did not go into any specifics about their cost model,”
Ott says.
Beyond looking over the initial answers, however, the agency
never sought out those specifics. Asked whether HCA contacted
Emdeon or any other vendor for more information, Ott says it
hadn’t.
Louis Saccoccio, executive director of the National Health
Care Anti-Fraud Association, says the federal government and
state agencies nationwide have been moving toward using data
models to prevent fraud, instead of just detecting it. Starting in
May, he says, states have been allowed to use federal funds to
data-mine for fraud.
After contracting with LexisNexis to create an identity fraud
pre-verification system for public assistance programs like Medicaid, Florida has already saved far more money than it anticipated.
In September, Massachusetts launched a Medicaid fraud-prevention program to automatically identify suspicious claims before
reimbursing them.
But Ott says that Washington, unlike Massachusetts or the
federal Medicare system, relies increasingly on separate “managed
care” organizations to handle the ground-level details of Medicaid, making statewide analysis of fraud difficult.
Parker isn’t deterred. He says he’s willing to keep working
with HCA, but there’s a lot of money the state has missed out on
by not using the technology.
“I am prepared to run further legislation if the HCA does not
follow through on the true intent of the legislation to force their
hand for the sake of taxpayers, the poor and the most vulnerable,”
Parker says. n

DECEMBER 19, 2013 INLANDER 19

NEWS | UNEMPLOYMENT

Bouncing Back

Unemployment benefits are expiring, but there’s reason
to be optimistic about Spokane’s regional economy
BY DEANNA PAN

A

n estimated 25,000 jobless workers in Washingjobless benefits will drop to 26 weeks or less in every
ton — including 1,480 in Spokane County — will
state. Three days after Christmas, 1.3 million people
lose their federal emergency unemployment
across the country will lose their unemployment benefits.
benefits at the end of this month, according to the state
Another 3.6 million will lose their benefits by the end of
Employment Security Department.
2014.
The U.S. budget deal, brokered last week by Sen.
Congressional Republicans argue that the economy
Patty Murray (D-Wash.) and Rep. Paul Ryan (R-Wis.),
is recovering — the jobless rate is now 7 percent, down
does not include an extension of the Emergency Unfrom nearly 10 percent at the height of the recession —
employment Compensation
and that extending the benefits discourages
program. Since July 2008,
people from entering the workforce. But Chad
Congress has extended the
Stone, chief economist of the Center on BudWorkSource Spokane is located at 130 S.
program 11 times to help the
get and Policy Priorities in Washington, D.C.,
Arthur St. Call (509) 532-3000 or visit
long-term unemployed cope
says it’s too soon to let the program expire.
wa.gov/esd/spokane.
with the economic downtown.
“Technically, we’re out of the recession,
Jobless workers in Washingbut we’re having a very slow job recovery and
ton received up to 63 weeks of unemployment insurance
the labor market is not back to normal,” Stone says. He
— 26 weeks of regular benefits from the state and 37
notes that the long-term unemployment rate, representweeks of emergency benefits thanks to federal aid. Acing the number of people who have been looking for
cording to ESD, the federally funded program has paid
work for 27 weeks or longer, is 2.6 percent, “twice as
more than 452,000 people in Washington $6.3 billion in
high as it’s ever been before when we let this program
unemployment benefits.
expire.
Now, for the first time in five years, the maximum
“We need jobs,” he says, “and we’re not getting
length of a time that an unemployed person can receive
there.”

WORKSOURCE

20 INLANDER DECEMBER 19, 2013

But in Spokane County, there’s reason to be optimistic about job prospects for the long-term unemployed,
says Spokane’s regional labor economist Doug Tweedy.
Roughly 6,000 jobs were created in Spokane County
in the past year, beating Tweedy’s projections. These
jobs mainly came from advanced manufacturing; transportation and warehousing; health care; and something
called “professional, scientific and technical services,”
thanks to the new Washington State University medical
school. As these industries grow, fields that took a hit in
the recession, such as construction, retail and leisure and
hospitality, are bouncing back. For the first time in five
years, the jobless rate in Spokane County dropped below
7 percent in September.
“I think this will be sustainable,” Tweedy says.
“We’ve laid a good foundation for recovery. It has been

“We need jobs, and
we’re not getting there.”
slow, but because of that good foundation, [the job market] is really diversified. We have five industries that are
leading this recovery and [creating] good paying jobs.”
If your unemployment benefits are ending and
you’re looking for work, Tweedy and ESD recommend
stopping by your local WorkSource office for assistance
in finding a job and improving your marketability to
potential employers.
“Fortunately, the economy is starting to increase in
its recovery,” Tweedy says, “and hopefully as they come
off these benefits, there will be job opportunities out
there.” n

NEWS | PUBLIC SAFETY

Deadly Measures
New details emerge surrounding Christopher Parker’s death at the jail
BY JACOB JONES

A

registered nurse with the Spokane County
Jail appears to have violated protocols
when she did not order hospital care for a
diabetic inmate who later grappled with corrections deputies and died in a restraint chair last
February.
During a prolonged struggle detailed in
newly released records, jail deputies tasered
Christopher J. Parker twice and later pushed his
head down into his lap as they strapped him into
the restraint chair. As he was doubled-over in the
chair, he lost consciousness and died.
Parker, 33, had called 911 in the early morning hours of Feb. 24, seeking help after ingesting
methamphetamine and becoming disoriented
in Browne’s Addition. A Spokane police officer
described him as somewhat coherent, but acting
paranoid and lost.
“Parker then said that he is a diabetic and
might be having some problems with that,” the
officer reports. “I requested medics to check him
out.”
A Spokane Fire Department ambulance crew
measured Parker’s blood sugar at 250 milligrams
per deciliter, above normal, but within a common range for a diabetic. Despite his elevated
blood sugar readings, Parker was booked into the
county jail on a warrant for late child support.
County Detention Services Director John
McGrath says the Spokane jail medical staff
considers 70 to 110 mg/dL to be the normal
range for blood sugar, but can treat inmates with
blood sugar up to 400 mg/dL. He says the jail has
a “long-term” policy requiring hospital care for
anyone above that threshold.
“If their blood sugar is over 400,” McGrath
says, “we’re taking them to the hospital.”
When Parker checked into the jail shortly
after 4 am, registered nurse Kerrie Fernland
measured his blood sugar at 416 mg/dL. Records
indicate the nurse described Parker’s blood as
“maple syrup,” encouraging him to take several
units of insulin to lower his levels.
“Fernland kept offering the insulin, but
Parker continued to refuse,” investigators report.
Fernland, a jail nurse for three years who had
been awake for nearly 24 hours at this point,
according to her statement, moved on to other
duties, planning to check back later.

F

ellow inmates described Parker as restless
or paranoid. He paced around the holding
tank. Less than an hour later, he was taken
out for processing and he continued to fidget,
rubbing his short-cropped hair and glancing
around. When corrections deputies went to put
him back into a cell, he tensed up and became
“uncooperative.”
Corrections Deputy Sandy Rief told investigators they tried to place him in an isolation cell
at the end of the hall when he “turned on” them.
Deputies told investigators Parker demonstrated extraordinary strength; at one point Rief

reports, “Parker managed to
grab the door frame and was
pulling himself literally toward
the door with all three deputies
on top of him.”
During the struggle, Deputy
Timothy Wirun fired his Taser,
Christopher Parker striking Parker in the side,
investigators report. Parker
reached back and pulled out the wires and Wirun
jabbed the Taser against Parker, using a “drive
stun” to deliver a second brief shock.
Deputy William Miller reports the deputies
managed to get a restraint belt around Parker’s
legs. They then “half dragged, half carried” him
into the hallway. Parker continued to buck and
thrash as they muscled him into the restraint
chair and struggled to strap in his legs.
“[Parker] was pushing his hips forward,”
investigators report. “This caused Miller to push
his head down into his lap to keep him from
making these violent moves and stop that action.”

N

urse Fernland, who returned during
the struggle, says she immediately had
deputies sit up Parker, who had lost consciousness, and put an oxygen mask on him. She
told investigators she decided to keep Parker in
the chair for officer safety while they called 911.
Parker soon went into cardiac arrest.
Due to miscommunication between the jail
and dispatchers, AMR ambulance crews took
more than 10 minutes to respond. Medics and
deputies performed CPR on Parker for nearly 20
minutes before pronouncing him dead.
The Spokane County Medical Examiner later
determined the cause of death to be a combination of three factors: methamphetamine toxicity,
along with his diabetes and the physiological
stress of being forced into restraints. Manner of
death was listed as homicide.
The autopsy report shows Parker’s blood
sugar had spiked to more than 2,000 mg/dL,
about 20 times the normal level.
With the investigation now closed, the case
remains with the Spokane County Prosecutor’s
Office to determine if there was any wrongdoing. McGrath says he plans to launch an internal
investigation of the incident after the prosecutor
releases a decision.
Multiple attorneys have filed notices on
behalf of surviving family members, setting the
stage for potential litigation in the future.
When asked by investigators if they witnessed any inappropriate actions, Fernland and
deputies all answer no. Fernland told investigators Parker was flailing out of control and fighting
all attempts to help.
“Once he was in the chair, he repeated the
statement, ‘Just kill me,’” Fernland reports. She
also recalled him saying something to the effect
of, “‘How do you justify doing this because I
didn’t make child support?’” 

DECEMBER 19, 2013 INLANDER 21

COVER | POT

W

hether you still think marijuana can
turn people into crazed maniacs, Reefer Madness style, or you’re about to use
this very page as a rolling paper (bad
idea), you’ve probably realized by now that we’re at
a major crossroads in marijuana history. As Washington becomes one of the first two states to legalize
and regulate recreational marijuana, a national tidal
wave is surging. For the first time since the polling
firm started asking, Gallup reports that a majority of
Americans say they support legalizing marijuana and
nearly 40 percent say they’ve tried the drug. Twenty
states have medical marijuana laws on the books, and
this fall, a year after Washington voters passed Initiative 502, four cities in Michigan and Maine legalized
or decriminalized recreational marijuana. Earlier this
month, lawmakers in Uruguay voted to legalize and
regulate pot. This week, as the Washington State
Liquor Control Board plans to close the application
window for the state’s first legal marijuana entrepreneurs, let’s remember how far we’ve come. Consider
this your cannabis CliffsNotes. (HG)

GONE
TO POT
With Washington state
on the cusp of history,
an abridged look back
at how we got here
BY HEIDI GROOVER AND MIKE BOOKEY

Around 2700 BP: Taking cannabis to the grave
Among the earliest known instances of
the plant’s use, cannabis was used to make
paper or rope in ancient Asian civilizations. It
was ground into flour and used in gruel; later, it was prescribed as medicine. But a tomb
studied by researchers over the past decade
suggests ancient civilizations may have
been waking and baking too. Researchers

tested a stash of plants they found buried
with a well-off 45-year-old shaman in northern China, part of a roving clan of blue-eyed,
light-skinned nomads near the Gobi Desert.
Believed to be from around 2700 BP (that’s
Before Present, calculated as before 1950),
the plants, lightly pounded in a wooden
bowl and still surprisingly green, were can-

nabis. While ancient hemp clothing and
rope have been found in the area, they’ve
been dated to years after these plants were
buried, leading the team to conclude in the
Journal of Experimental Botany that, “The
cannabis was presumably employed by this
culture as a medicinal or psychoactive agent,
or an aid to divination.” (HG)

} {

Lawmakers in the colony of Virginia declare that every household with hemp seeds
must grow them the following season.

Aug. 2, 1619
The Continental Congress adopts
the Declaration of Independence, which
was signed on paper made of hemp.

It’s true that George Washington and
Thomas Jefferson grew cannabis plants in their
fields. But it’s not like they shared a blunt during breaks of the Continental Congress. The
sort of cannabis they grew was hemp, which
they harvested — with varying levels of financial success — for its oil, seeds and fibers, used
to make rope, clothing and other old-timey
goodies. It was considered a good supplement
to tobacco farming, which could damage a
farm’s soil.
Industrial hemp was used widely in the
United States until 1937, when Congress banned
marijuana, which also extended to hemp. It
remained legal to import processed hemp
into the country, which American businesses
continued to do. When imports of hemp and
other useful fibers from Asia were cut off during World War II, the U.S. government released
a short film in 1942 entitled Hemp for Victory,
which instructed farmers how to plant and care
for the crop in the hopes of making up for those
lost imports. But as drug prohibition ramped up
in the following decades, industrial hemp crops
were eradicated from the country.
In 1998, Canada introduced regulations
by which farmers could grow industrial hemp,
a possible reason why seemingly every high
schooler on the continent wore hemp necklaces that year. In 2011, the country’s agriculture
departments reported almost 40,000 acres of
the plant.
Hemp production is still banned by federal
law, but several states have passed laws legalizing industrial hemp. However, hemp farming
has not become a reality in those states because the Drug Enforcement Administration
has hampered such efforts. With Colorado legalizing marijuana in 2012, farmers in the state
harvested their first crop of industrial hemp this
year. (MB)

“The most dangerous
drugs of all”
America’s journey from a love affair with hemp to a gripping fear of
marijuana reached new heights with the
Comprehensive Drug Abuse Prevention
and Control Act of 1970, which classified marijuana as a Schedule I drug. According the DEA, Schedule 1 drugs have
“no currently accepted medical use and
a high potential for abuse. Schedule I
drugs are the most dangerous drugs of
all the drug schedules with potentially
severe psychological or physical dependence.”
The next year, President Richard
Nixon called drug abuse “public enemy
number one” and declared the need for a
“new, all-out offensive.” Spending on the
drug war increased. Concerned parents
formed anti-drug groups; Nancy Reagan

1970

launched her “Just Say No” campaign.
And despite concerns in the ‘70s that
they didn’t work, the 1980s saw a return
of mandatory minimum sentences, linking criminal punishments to the amount
of drugs involved in an offense. Federal
penalties for “trafficking” 100 marijuana
plants became the same as those for 100
grams of heroin. (Other trademarks of
the massive drug war, like “three strikes,
you’re out” laws and incentives for
snitches, soon followed.)
In a 1986 speech, the Reagans stood
in the West Hall of the White House, and
the president counted his successes:
Marijuana use among high school seniors had decreased from 1 in 14 to 1 in
20; meanwhile, the nation was spending
triple what it had five years prior on the
drug war.
“These are … emerging signs that
we can defeat this enemy,” the president
told the nation. “But we still have much
to do.” (HG)

Dec. 29, 1925
A news brief in the New
York Times explains that Mexico
has just outlawed marijuana,
ending on this note: “Marihuana
leaves, smoked in cigarettes,
produce murderous delirium. Its
addicts often become insane.
Scientists say its effects are perhaps more terrible than those of
any intoxicant or drug.”

1962

States across the country adopt tough penalties for
marijuana possession and sale.
In Georgia, a second conviction
for selling marijuana to minors
could result in the death penalty.

} {
Americans weren’t always terrified of
cannabis. They had to be taught to be terrified through the first few decades of the
20th century. Cannabis had been used for
medical and recreational purposes with little, if any, regulation up until the early 1900s,
but few people were using weed, so nobody
paid much attention.
But the Mexican revolution had sent immigrants north into the border states of the
U.S. and they brought their pot with them.
Over the next couple of decades, authorities
in Texas, California and other border states
characterized these immigrants’ “marijuana” (the new, Spanish name for the drug)
use as being responsible for violent crimes.
At the same time, pot was arriving in port
cities around the country by way of sailors

and immigrants from the Caribbean, and the
burgeoning jazz scene, comprised almost
exclusively of African Americans, was getting in on the reefer, too. The racial thread
seen here has not been lost on historians.
Harry J. Anslinger, the commissioner
of Federal Bureau of Narcotics, was an outspoken proponent of marijuana prohibition,
often giving sensationalized speeches and
articles in which he culled gruesome details
from police reports, attributing these crimes
to their perpetrator’s use of marijuana.
Newspapers around the country willfully
bought into the notion of marijuana as a
gateway to insanity and murder.
This sensationalism is best remembered
in the form of the 1936 film Reefer Madness,
in which seemingly ordinary young Ameri-

cans become murderous psychopaths after
a few puffs on a joint. The film was not widely circulated to mainstream audiences upon
its release, but gained a cult following in the
1970s — as a comedy.
By 1937, the Marijuana
Tax Act was passed by the
U.S. Congress, effectively
making the drug illegal in the
country.
There remains a racial element surrounding marijuana. A recently released
American Civil Liberties Union study found
that between 2001 and 2010, blacks were
3.73 times more likely to be arrested for
marijuana as whites, despite the fact that
the two groups use the drug at about the
same rate. (MB)

Early 1900s: Pot might make you kill people?
DECEMBER 19, 2013 INLANDER 23

The prescriptions for what ails you

1983
COVER | POT

L.A.’s police
chief and school
district
launch
Drug Abuse Resistance Education
(D.A.R.E.), now
taught in schools
across the nation.

1974

Willie Nelson is arrested
for marijuana possession
in Dallas, the first in a long
string of arrests for America’s favorite outlaw/country
superstar/pothead.
He’s
now on the advisory board
of NORML, the National Organization for the Reform of
Marijuana Laws.

1973

Oregon becomes
the first state to decriminalize marijuana possession. Other states, like
California, Colorado and
New York, as well as the
Netherlands, follow.

Marijuana has become
more socially acceptable
among young people and
increasingly among the
middle class. Convened by
President Richard Nixon,
the National Commission on
Marijuana and Drug Abuse
presents its report to national lawmakers calling for
the country to reevaluate its
views of marijuana and consider decriminalization.

March 22, 1972
24 INLANDER DECEMBER 19, 2013

1998

Marijuana prohibition in Washington began to crumble
in the late 1990s, most notably in 1998 when the state’s
voters made possession and use of cannabis for medical
purposes legal. Initiative 692 passed by a convincing 58.97
percent of the vote, winning in all but nine counties, with 54
percent of Spokane County voters supporting it.
With Oregon passing a similar medical marijuana law
that same year and California having done so two years
prior, the entire West Coast had become medical-marijuana friendly. The
trend would spread east over the next
15 years, to the point that now 20 states
have some sort of allowance for medical
marijuana, with Illinois and New Hampshire being the latest to join in this year.
Washington’s medical marijuana laws have led to a
lightly regulated and at times confusing system with plenty
of gray area, especially when it came to medical marijuana
dispensaries, which had at different times been shut down
by the federal government.
Now with marijuana becoming legal for anyone over
the age of 21, the state has had to re-evaluate its medical
regulations. This fall, a multi-agency panel provided a list of
recommendations to the Washington State Liquor Control
Board — the agency overseeing the implementation of Initiative 502 — as to how to deal with medical marijuana in a
landscape where the drug already will be widely available at
state-supervised stores.
On the list were recommendations that the state create
a database of medical marijuana cardholders who would be
exempt from paying taxes on marijuana, that patients be
re-evaluated, and to disallow medical groups from working
primarily in the field of medical marijuana authorization.
The panel also suggested that medical patients no longer
be able to grow their own marijuana plants, and would drastically lower the amount of usable cannabis a cardholder
could possess from 24 ounces to 3 ounces. (MB)

October 2006
Illinois Senator and
presidential
hopeful
Barack Obama distinguishes himself from Bill
Clinton at a meeting of
the American Society of
Magazine Editors: “When
I was a kid, I inhaled frequently. That was the
point.”

Aug. 16-17, 1991
What we now
know as the massive
pro-pot “protestival”
Seattle
Hempfest
starts as Washington
Hemp Expo in Seattle’s Volunteer Park.

Cheech
and
Chong’s first featurelength movie, Up in
Smoke, follows the
super-stoned duo
to Mexico to buy a
van made entirely of
marijuana.

1978

Meanwhile, the drug war
continues, marijuana arrests
increase and New York City
cops focus on “quality of life”
crimes, including pot. Loud
condemnation of marijuana
is becoming a new tactic for
baby boomers to separate
themselves from ’60s hippie
culture. Arkansas Governor
Bill Clinton, frontrunner for
the Democratic presidential
nomination, famously says
he “experimented with marijuana a time or two, and didn’t
like it. I didn’t inhale and I
didn’t try it again.”

March 29, 1992

The Simpsons
episode “Weekend
at Burnsie’s” airs,
following Homer
as he tries medical
marijuana. Doctor’s
instructions: “Toke
as needed.”

April 7, 2002

Lighting up legally

2012

Fast forward to what may be the most exciting time for marijuana since its discovery. Last
December, under a night sky and the light of
the Space Needle, Seattleites bundled in winter jackets and gathered to light up. The night
marked the first phase of implementation of Initiative I-502: possession of an ounce or less by
someone 21 or older was now legal in the state.
(While it’s never been legal under 502 to smoke
in public, we all know things work a little differently on the west side, where Seattle police have
all but ignored pot since 2003.)
And with that, the nation’s eyes turned to
Washington — and Colorado, where voters also
legalized recreational bud — as state and local
regulators began crafting and implementing the
laws that would govern a newly above-board
economy. This week, the window closes for applicants looking to take part, but unanswered
questions remain. For one, how will marijuana
businesses store their cash, since federally certified banks are unable to accept what’s still considered illegal money?
Ask Mark Kleiman, a UCLA professor who’s
written extensively on drug policy and consulted
for the state on its new pot policies this year,
about our chances of getting this whole thing
right, and he’ll start by rattling off the things he
worries we’re getting wrong. There are flaws in
the law, he says, like too few protections against
marketing to minors, too few training requirements for those selling pot, and a tax model
that will drop as the price drops, which he says
will increase the number of heavy users accessing the drug. But he believes the liquor board
is prepared to adapt, and he calls Colorado and
Washington “good places to have started” because they’re more isolated than smaller states
like those on the East Coast. (The Department
of Justice has emphasized its worries about pot
crossing state borders.) Plus, he adds, Washington “has that progressive-era, honest, competent public administration, and that matters.”
“Whatever happens,” Kleiman says confidently, “we’re going to learn from the experiences in Washington and Colorado.” (HG)

Nearly half of all
drug arrests in the
U.S. are for marijuana,
up from 34 percent in
1995.

2010
After November’s
elections in Washington
and Colorado, President
Barack Obama tells ABC’s
Barbara Walters “we’ve
got bigger fish to fry”
than cracking down on
states that have legalized
marijuana.

December 2012

Growing and Buying in
the New Market

2014

When it starts granting licenses
in February or March of next year,
the Washington State Liquor Control
Board will start with growers and
processors in hopes of creating a
market able to meet the (who knows
how high) demand for legal weed.
Then the board will move on to licensing stores. While there will be
no limit on the number of growers or
processors licensed, each county in
the state has been assigned a number of retailers allowed. (Spokane
County will get 18.) There’s no formal
launch date when stores can open,
but the board thinks we’ll be shopping by the summer. The year is also
likely to bring more moves to legalize. Oregon, for one, is already seeing
an effort to get a 502-like initiative
on the 2014 ballot. (HG)

Uruguay’s Senate approves legislation to allow the
legalization
and
state-run regulation
of marijuana.

With overwhelming support in both
the state Senate and
House, the Idaho Legislature voted to pass a
resolution reaffirming
its “opposition to efforts to legalize marijuana for any purpose
in the State of Idaho.”

Welcoming New Patients!

SARFF Family Owned & Operated

Our Family Cares
for Your Family

New Alzheimer’s Memory Care Center
We provide the highest standard of personal care in a home
environment, with loving and patient nursing and care staff.
The Spokane City
Council passes an
ordinance to outline
marijuana zoning. It
will keep all new recreational and medical
marijuana businesses
out of certain mixeduse areas like Garland
and allow them in industrial zones.

THE COMPLETE ALBUM COLLECTION
VOL. ONE, USB BOX
In the 1960s, the use of the harmonica in Bob Dylan’s
songs helped catapult his career.
Now a brand-new compilation
of the artist’s work is being
packaged in the form of the
instrument. That’s right: You
can now purchase a box set,
containing a USB drive, inside
a large harmonica-shaped case. Six decades of the singersongwriter’s catalogue are included in this set — a whopping 35 studio titles, six live albums, the “Side Tracks”
compilation and a digital booklet in high-quality FLAC
format. Though it’s a steep $319.98, the USB collection
is a limited, numbered edition. Bob Dylan lovers will cry
with happiness when opening this up during the holidays.
(LJ)

BEATS BY DR. DRE HEADPHONES

iPod earbuds don’t have anything on these colorful,
super-size, earmuff-esque
headphones. The squishy
foam of the ear covering offers optimal comfort, while
the audio speakers are the
ultimate in the concert-inside-your-head experience.
Not only does the device
tout 10 hours of battery life,
the headphones can sync
to any Bluetooth-enabled
audio device. Averaging
$200 per pair, these headphones are some of the best on
the market — Dr. Dre even thinks so. (LJ)

No, it’s not a murse (man purse); it’s a portable storage
space for vinyl records. For the ultimate album collector
in your life, this sort of messenger
bag can offer heightened status
among their record-loving peers,
showing they mean business when
they shop for hidden treasures at
flea markets and garage sales. Bags
come in a variety of sizes, offering
enough room for 40 to 150 LPs at a
time. Keep in mind, smaller is better here, as it won’t be
so weighty and nerdy-looking. The Magma LP Bag 40 II
DJ Package on Amazon.com not only carries 40 records,
there’s even space for headphones and extra needles in
the front pocket. (LJ)

THE VELVET UNDERGROUND:

WHITE LIGHT/WHITE HEAT
45TH ANNIVERSARY SUPER DELUXE EDITION
The Velvet Underground has already had a big 2013 for
a band that last performed together in 1996. Fearless leader Lou Reed passed away in October, and Macaulay Culkin formed
a pizza-related Velvet Underground
tribute band, Pizza Underground.
This month, the White Light/White
Heat reissue three-disc box set
was released in celebration of the
45th anniversary of the innovative
album that many found difficult to
get into. Including both mono and stereo of the original
record, a vast array of bonus and previously unreleased
tracks (“Hey Mr. Rain”, “Guess I’m Falling in Love” and
“The Gift”), the set is the perfect addition to last year’s
Velvet Underground and Nico Boxed Set release. (LJ)

PITCHFORK REVIEW SUBSCRIPTION
While everybody else in the publishing industry is freaking out about how to get to readers
digitally and create amazing,
brain-busting websites, the
people at Pitchfork.com are going the other way. The 17-yearold website of mostly eye-rolling
hipsterdom that somehow exists
in the daily morning website
queue of music geeks (OK,
maybe just me) is launching its
first quarterly music print publication, devoted
to long-form features. It’s one of those magazines that’s more like a book: meant to sit on a
bookshelf, not on the back of your toilet. Nab a
year-long subscription for the music fan in your
house for $50, or buy them a single issue for
$19.99. thepitchforkreview.com (LS)
HAWKWIND:

WARRIOR ON THE EDGE OF TIME
EXTENDED EDITION
Psychedelic rock fans the
world over still bow at the
altar of Hawkwind, giving
thanks to the first person
who sold the members LSD,
helping form the band’s
vision. Way back when,
Hawkwind fused together
psychedelic sounds with drawn-out jam sessions
and heavy riffs. The band’s fifth album, Warrior
on the Edge of Time, gets a makeover this year:
remastered from the original analog tapes, with
eight new tracks — including five brand new ones
— and a cool collectible booklet with photos and
writing. $24 (LS)

33⅓ BOOK SERIES

Move over, Encyclopedia Britannica: This is
an 88-book series, all devoted to modern music
nerdery. Each book is devoted
to deconstructing every possible
detail of legendary albums — from
classics like Led Zeppelin IV to
Exile on Main Street, to post-punk
masterpieces Meat is Murder and
Unknown Pleasures. There’s a book
on nearly every album you’d
expect to see there, and then
every now and then a random surprise will pop
up — like a book on the Minutemen or Liz Phair.
Music lovers will derive irrational amounts of
happiness from this series. $11ish (LS)

NIRVANA: THE COMPLETE
ILLUSTRATED HISTORY
For the insatiable Nirvana fan in your life, this
one will be a winner. This new hardcover tells
the same Nirvana story you’ve
heard before, from the days
of Kurt Cobain as an avid
Melvins fan to their rise in
the Seattle scene and reluctant
superstardom. But in this book,
you’ll get Nirvana’s genesis in a
more illustrated format: lots of
pictures, pages from Cobain’s
journals, snapshots and amazing early 1990s
show flyers. A great coffee table book for any fan
of the band. $27 (LS)
VOLUME 2014

DID YOU KNOW...
Emotional and behavioral problems in
pets are major contributors to many
physical diseases. It is also one of the most
misunderstood and often neglected aspects
of pet health care. For more information
about behavioral problems, visit us online.
There are gentler, equally effective means
of treatment other than harsh drugs.
www.DrDennisThomas.com

Dr. Thomas has been a licensed, practicing veterinarian for over 30 years. For more than
a decade he has focused on alternative modalities to address pet health care.

TWO-DAY WRISTBAND
We’ve had such a good time at Volume, the Inlander’s music festival, the last couple of years that
we decided we’d do it again in 2014. The festival
will be held next year in downtown Spokane,
again on May 30 and 31,
hosting a variety of music from local, regional
and national acts. We’ve
got big ideas for next
year, so you’ll want to be there. Get a two-day
wristband now for a discounted price; print your
receipt at home, then bring it into the Inlander
office to swap it for your wristband. Act fast: We
have limited numbers of these discounted tickets
for sale through Dec. 23. $15. Buy online at
volume.inlander.com. (LS)

HEAVY METAL

UGLY HOLIDAY SWEATER
If, like me, you don’t like spending your hardearned cash on something you’ll only wear once,
you might get some mileage out of a few bands’
weird foray into Ugly Christmas Sweater-land. It
seems like it started as a joke
last year by Slayer, but this
year a bunch of bands are
jumping on the ugly sweater
bandwagon: Queens of the
Stone Age, Metallica, Devildriver, Dying Fetus — an entire line of sweaters from Victory Records. There
are Christmas trees and Santas and reindeer…
humping reindeer, to be exact. They’re all funny,
but I’m kinda partial to the Master of Puppets
sweater that Metallica has for sale. $75, metallica.
com (LS) 

2013 marks the next generation of consoles, the
obvious gift for a gaming loved one being their
choice of a new gaming system. You’d better
love the socks off of your giftee: These consoles
aren’t coming cheap. Sony’s shiny new PS4 runs
around $500 while the Xbox One from Microsoft carries a price tag of $600. You’ll probably
be aware of your giftee’s
drool-inspiring desire for one
of these consoles, as console
gamers tend to be opinionated
and loyal to their respective
brand. An entirely separate
issue plagues New Generation Console Season, though.
Game development has temporarily plateaued
because of the platform changeover. There are no
awesome games out for the old console; developers don’t want to invest in soon-to-be-outdated
hardware. But since the new console is still in its
infancy, games for the new platform haven’t had
their chance to mature (or, in 2013’s case, the
release of most cool games has been delayed until
next year). As far as gift-giving, this is the stuff of
nightmares. Do you give them older games from
earlier in the year? Do you give them gift cards
for when the games come out? Or do you just sit
in your house, gift-less, paralyzed?

CONSOLE PARAPHERNALIA

One of the most overlooked facets of New Generation Console Season is the console paraphernalia. Did a little birdie tell you that little Johnny
was getting a PS4 for Christmas? Pick up a nifty
spare controller that will be much used and very
appreciated. Or try some neat-o customized
controller grips. Same goes for cables, which are
constantly being lost, chewed on, or stolen. Gamers weep that there are never enough cables to
connect and charge (especially
since the PS4 isn’t sending
charge cables with extra controllers this time around). Try
an extra-long Micro-USB, the
hottest of hot commodities,
or an HDMI cable. You can also take a look at
the cornucopia of headsets on the market. Turtle
Beach headsets are top of the line and have a
certain “cool factor” and prestige.

STEAM GIFTS

While console peasants are struggling away during New Generation Console Season, the elite
race of PC gamers worship Steam, an online
retailer of downloadable computer
games, compulsively curating their
game collection through Steam’s
library application, exhibiting
displays of bravado by comparing
libraries with their elite PC gamer

28 INLANDER DECEMBER 19, 2013

bats, bikes & assassins

friends. Want to be that super-cool gift-giver who
knows what’s what in the PC world? Get that
gamer some good old-fashioned game downloads. Literally any game can be found through
Steam or another online game retailer such as
Amazon. Buying and sending a gift and emailconfirming Steam codes is harder than wrapping
up a CD and giving it to them, but PC gamers
aren’t known for enjoying media the easy way.
They do things the PC gamer way.

SIX-PACK OF COORS AND RIDE
TO HELL: RETRIBUTION

(RATED M; PS3, XBOX 360, PC)
Nothing says “I love and cherish you” like giving
someone Ride to Hell: Retribution, possibly the
worst videogame ever conceived by mankind.
Add a six-pack of shitty beer
and you have the best Christmas gift possible. The premise
of Ride to Hell is simple: Jake
Conway, bad-boy Vietnam vet
with a penchant for hookers,
must avenge the brutal murder
of his younger brother. The
power of his mullet and insatiable need for vengeance prompt him to embark on a journey to
annihilate the biker gang that stole his brother’s
precious youth. This game appears to have been
inspired by craptastic biker tattoos, or perhaps
the results of a 1980s acid trip. Ride to Hell likely
was birthed when game developers released
scrapped game material last-minute in an attempt
to recoup invested capital. This game is so bad,
it’s a hoot. Properly intoxicated, it’s a downright
riot.

THE ANNUAL FIRST
PERSON SHOOTER

Gamer gifting inevitably dictates the obligatory
“Annual First Person Shooter,” an endearing term
applied to games like Call of Duty and Battlefield.
The story remains exhaustingly similar year after
year — the new Call of Duty
is released, gamers clamor
for the newest edition of
online trash talk and newer
multiplayer maps, parents/
girlfriends/boyfriends break
down and buy the game for
Christmas... the cycle repeats
as long as new first person
shooters are released like
clockwork every fall. This year is no different.
Call of Duty: Ghosts and Battlefield 4 are on the
menu for 2013 and your gamer surely wants one
of them. Fortunately, the Annual First Person
Shooter is so cyclical and predictable, the games
make a fairly safe gift if you have an extra $60
laying around.
...continued on page 30

DECEMBER 19, 2013 INLANDER 29

Celebrate
New Year’s Eve
at the
Davenport Hotel
Tower.
$94.50 per person
based on double occupancy.

First Night Package
Includes:

• Deluxe overnight guest room
• 2 first night buttons
800 899 1482

Holiday Pulse
THIS HOLIDAY SEASON, DOWNTOWN SPOKANE IS THE PLACE TO
BE. COME VISIT THE INLAND NW’S MOST EXCITING DESTINATION.

Food

GUZZLES AND GRUB

THE DISTRICT
Only one restaurant in Spokane serves the
Hooligan & Hannigan. That distinction belongs to
O’DOHERTY’S IRISH GRILLE (525 W. Spokane
Falls Blvd. • odohertyspub.com), the Irish Pub
founded in 1992 by husband-and-wife team Tim
and Sam. “The Hooligan & Hannigan is a reubenstyle sandwich named after an old Spokane
restaurant,” says Sam. “We do our own corned
beef and serve it up with sauerkraut, Thousand
Island and Swiss cheese all melted together.” For
an even heartier main course, try the Tullamore Dew

Whiskey Steak or the popular seasonal meatloaf
meal. If you’re only looking for a quick respite from
shopping, there are cheese- and bacon-laden potato fries called McGinnity Fries (aka Irish nachos),
and The Hodgepodge, which is layer after deepfried layer of onion rings, mozzarella sticks, steak
fries and chicken dippers served with a variety of
sauces. You can wash this outstanding pub fare
down with the transatlantic imports you’d expect,
like Guinness, Harp or Newcastle Brown Ale.
RED LION BARBECUE (126 N, Division •
redlionbarbeque.com) swears you’ll never go away
hungry or short-poured. How could you? The $30
Super Combo offers a choice of three meats (pork
tenderloin, beef tips, ribs, chicken or salmon) in
premium barbecue sauce, sides of homemade fried
bread and onion rings, and is big enough to feed
four. Plus the happy-hour drink prices run all day.
The food at THE DISTRICT (916 W. 1st • spokanedistrictbar.com) takes a more sophisticated
approach to all-American fare, pairing its beer-infused French fries with a side of trufﬂe oil or topping
its grilled pork chips with bourbon pepper sauce.
The impressive wall of quotes in the newly
opened RIVER CITY BREWING TAP ROOM
(121 S Cedar St • rivercityred.blogspot.com)
should prove as inspirational as their Spokanecentric specialty draft beers, which include popular
stalwarts like the mildly malty River City Red and the
hop-heavy River City IPA as well as seasonal brews.
Draft root beer to slake the thirst of any under-21
companions is currently in the works.

Get some serious shopping done as your kids enjoy some
HELP FOR PARENTS
holiday fun at Mobius Kids. Drop the kids off for a showing
of the classic holiday movie, playtime, snacks, crafts and snow science on Friday, Dec. 20 from 1-4

davenporthotelcollection.com

JAN, THE TOY LADY, GETS CONFIRMATION
FROM SANTA THAT AIDEN HAS BEEN
NICE AGAIN THIS YEAR:

pm and another session from 5:30-8:30 pm. Cost: $15 per event. Mobius Kids, River Park Square. Visit:
mobiusspokane.org Call: 624-5437
These free rides are sponsored by STCU and run through Christmas Eve
(Fridays from 3-8 pm, Saturdays-Sundays from noon-5 pm & Tue, Dec.
24, from noon-3 pm.) Pickup is at the corner of N. Wall and W. Main. Visit: Downtownspokane.net Call: 4560580
has been brought to you by the Downtown Spokane Partnership and
the Business Improvement District in conjunction with the Inlander.
For more info go to DowntownSpokane.net. Happy Holidays!

RIDE IN STYLE

HOLIDAY PULSE

First Night

Excellent!
I have the
perfect gift
for him!

Tues, Dec. 31; most events start at 7 pm
Get together with friends and family this New Year’s Eve and enjoy a
seemingly endless list of activities and performances as part of Spokane’s
annual First Night festivities, themed “Once Upon a Night — Art Comes
Alive.” The night kicks off with the Kalispel Tribe’s Masquerade Parade at 6
pm, leading from the Spokane Convention Center to Riverfront Park. If you
have little ones, a special Kids Night Out takes place at the Convention
Center from 3-6 pm. From 7 pm until the midnight countdown, attendees
can enjoy the diversity of events — more than 150 performers at 40-plus
venues. Top it all off in the park at 11:50 pm by welcoming in 2014 with the
ﬁreworks show. Admission buttons $15 through Dec. 30; $18 on Dec. 31
(kids under 10 free with paying adult) • ﬁrstnightspokane.org

Runs through Dec. 22 - A holiday musical telling the true story of the
ships that transported Christmas trees across the Great Lakes. Performances held weekly Thu-Sat at 7:30 pm and Sun at 2 pm. $22-$30.
Spokane Civic Theatre, 1020 N. Howard St. spokanecivictheatre.com
(325-2507)

Through Dec. 23 - Hospice of Spokane displays its Memorial Tree for
community members to honor loved ones by hanging a dove ornament
on the tree. Free. River Park Square, Third Level, 808 W. Main Ave. hospiceofspokane.org (456-0438)

Starts Dec. 20 - See what the historic Spokane mansion would have
been like during the holidays in 1910, with professional local actors
portraying residents like the cook, family members and visitors. Included
in regular museum admission, $5-$10. Dec. 20-22, Dec. 26-29 and Jan.
1-5 from noon-4 pm each day. The MAC, 2316 W. First Ave. northwestmuseum.org

Gold

num

Plati

%

2.A1P4R

*

HEY!

HOLIDAY POPS

Dec. 25 - Favorite holiday dishes from the Davenport’s kitchen are
served a la carte in the Palm Court Grill and the Safari Room. The
Davenport Hotel, 10 S. Post St. Reservations suggested, can be
made online or via phone. davenporthotelcollection.com (455-8888)

It’s all about the
at our downtown Spokane branch.
New year. New branch. New rate on balance transfers.

Say hello to 2.14% APR* when you transfer your balance to a Numerica Visa® Platinum or Gold card.
Only at our downtown Spokane branch (502 W. Riverside).
*Here’s the legal stuff. Offer good December 10-31, 2013 and at the Numerica downtown Spokane branch (502 W. Riverside Avenue) only. Promotional
2.14% APR (Annual Percentage Rate) on balance transfers to a new or existing Numerica Platinum or Gold card through December 31, 2014
(promotional period). The special rate only applies to the amount transferred. After promotion period, or when the balance is paid off, your purchase
APR will be the purchase rate as stated in the cardholder agreement. As of 12/9/13, the variable purchase
rate for our Platinum card is 5.25% - 12.25% APR and for our Gold card, the non-variable purchase rate
is 8.90% - 17.90% depending on credit worthiness. Cash advance rates are higher. Rates subject to
change. Offer not available on Business Visa or to pay off existing Numerica loans or lines of credit.
Account must be in good standing. $20 membership fee for new members. Federally Insured by NCUA.

SPECIAL ADVERTISING SECTION

multimedia GIFT GUIDE
continued

VISIT FIRSTNIGHTSPOKANE.ORG FOR MORE INFORMATION.

RASPBERRY PI & ALL THE TRIMMINGS
Though not technically a videogame, the Raspberry
Pi remains a strong contender in the “badass and even
educational videogame-related Christmas gift” category.
Premise? The Raspberry Pi is a credit-card-sized microcomputer that allows
complete customization
by an amateur computer
scientist or programmer. You literally can do
anything with a Raspberry Pi, from programming your own robotics
control board to running
a BitTorrent server.
Why did the Raspberry
Pi make it onto this list? Because this little computing
powerhouse can be programmed to run as a retro console
simulator. In non-nerd-speak, this means that you can
make it play arcade games, and by extension, create your
very own basement video arcade. Cue the heavy breathing and speechless excitement! Although not ideal for
kids, the computer-illiterate or the “casual user,” there’s a
certain niche of people who would have a nerd-gasm over
the Raspberry Pi as a Christmas gift.

BATMAN: ARKHAM ORIGINS

(RATED TEEN; PC, XBOX 360, WII U, PS3)
Everyone secretly wants to be Batman, and buying the
next installment in the series is vastly more practical than
having your gamer running
around the house, cloaked in a
black sheet, whispering “I am
the bat.” Batman: Arkham Origins,
which came out earlier this
year, is a well-received prequel
to the two existing games we
know and love, Arkham City and
Arkham Asylum. It’s also a good
catch-all if you don’t know
quite what to get someone. Plot
and story arc are edgy enough
to captivate the mind of an
older gamer, while the Teen rating makes it appropriate
for younger players. It’s also a good gift if you’re looking
to portray the gift-giver as someone along the lines of “I
know enough about videogames not to get you Mario
Party for the Wii U, but I’m still nonchalant enough to not
be a nerd.”

13TH ANNIVERSARY CELEBRATION

TUESDAY, DECEMBER 31ST
DOWNTOWN SPOKANE
PICK UP YOUR PASSPORT and return
it when completed to one of our four
convenient locations (Spokane Convention
Center, INB Performing Arts Center, Bank of
America, and River Park Square) during the
First Night event.
7p.m. to 10
p.m. Complete
information at
ﬁrstnightspokane.org

Buttons
Now On Sale!

ation
For complete event inform
rg
e.o
an
ok
visit FirstNightSp

XBOX 360, XBOX ONE, WII, WII U)
Family-friendly games that aren’t completely lame are
hard to come by. On one hand, you might have young
kids who need milder game content that’s ready to harness their
unstoppable waterfall of energy.
On the other hand, you might
have a surly teenager who isn’t
about to be involved in anything
that isn’t cool enough for their
swagtastic aesthetic. The Just
Dance series has skillfully been
able to bridge this gap for years
now. The secret? You can’t escape fun when you’re up twirling
around, frantically flapping your
arms to your favorite songs on the radio. Some improvements over earlier editions include better motion sensor
technology and karaoke modes. Just Dance has been getting a lot of attention from adults for the workout-side of
the game as well. After the kids go to bed, sneak downstairs and boogie off those extra holiday pounds with the
game’s non-stop workout routine.

3-6pm at the Spokane
Convention Center
Crafts, Live Performances,
And more...

Extended hours 7-9pm

ASSASSIN’S CREED IV: BLACK FLAG

(RATED MATURE; PC, PS3, PS4, XBOX 360, XBOX
ONE, WII U)
You could essentially rename this game “Assassin’s Creed: Sneaky
Sneaky Pirates on the High Seas, Ho!” and it would have the
same appeal. Assassin’s Creed fans inexplicably
adore everything Assassin’s Creed... even this
pirate-themed edition, most definitely a thinly
veiled attempt at leeching off the success of the
Pirates of the Caribbean franchise. And it worked.
Gamers revere this game with enough veneration that the Pope should be jealous. It can be
safely assumed that somewhere, some giftee is
just dying to chew on their very own copy of
Pirates of the Caribbean 2.0. For the whole experience, don’t just stop at the game. Your pirate gift bundle should
include an eyepatch, pirate hat and a bottle of rum.

THIS MMO OR THAT MMORPG

You know those people who stay in their bedrooms all weekend
with the blinds closed, logging countless hours on World of Warcraft
or Eve Online? Believe it or not, they’re paying for that online
access. More unbelievable, they’d appreciate
getting a couple of months of subscription for
a gift. Basically, this present can be interpreted
one of three ways: “I don’t want to see any
more of you than I already do, so please huddle
in your basement and keep playing this game,”
or “I know enough about you and what you
care about to know that you will actually use
this,” or “An obsession with online game play in
which you never leave the house is a good way
to get over that particularly nasty breakup.” Take it as you will,
it’s an option. Especially if you’re OK with not seeing much of
this friend for the next several months. 

DECEMBER 19, 2013 INLANDER 33

multimedia GIFT GUIDE

BOARD
GAMES
TAKENOKO

Giant panda bears are so adorable and cuddly, but
they’re kind of a nuisance if you happen to be the imperial gardener of Japan. The emperor of Japan received
a panda as a peace gift
from the emperor of China
and then let it loose in the
gardens. The panda wants
to munch on all the bamboo
and the gardener must maintain the flawless garden that
the emperor demands. In this
Japanese-themed action point
game from the same designer
who came up with 7 Wonders
and Tokaido, two to four
players score points by feeding the panda’s out-of-control
appetite, helping the angry gardener grow more bamboo
and cultivating the garden in different patterns for the
emperor. You can also spend some time admiring the cute
panda game piece — he’s clutching his big round belly in
his greedy little paws.

MONSTER FLUXX

The rules are: The rules are always changing. You don’t
even know how to win the game, at least not at the outset. It starts with the first rule, to draw
one card and play one card. From there
it gets complicated. Rules are added and
changed until you have a whole set of directives, and the criteria for winning can
shift at any time. “What?” you might be
thinking. It’s even more confusing when
you play it. But the lack of monotony
keeps the game lively. Monster Fluxx, rife
with zombies, vampires, skeletons, Bigfoot and an angry mob of villagers, is the newest version
of the Fluxx games. There’s also Cthulhu Fluxx, Oz Fluxx,
Star Fluxx, Pirate Fluxx, Monty Python Fluxx, Family Fluxx
and Eco Fluxx. So you’re guaranteed to find a version that
fits your gift recipient’s personality — as long as he or she
isn’t afraid of change.

Holiday

Heroes

Community
Blood Drive

The need for blood doesn’t take a holiday!

Ensure blood is available when pateints need it.
Give blood at INBC’s Holiday Heroes Blood Drive and
enter to win a staycation for 4 to a local ski & waterpark!

Mon., Dec. 16* through Tues., Dec. 31*

*Hours and Days Vary. Special hours! All locations are CLOSED 12/25 & 1/1.

It’s a simple game of finding matching symbols, but add
speed and an amusing group of people, and you can end
up with a silly mess of fun.
Each card has eight symbols
— things like cheese, clowns
and dolphins — and you
have to find which one is on
both cards. The game isn’t
as elementary-school as you
might think. (You remember
those days of circling “what
doesn’t belong”?) The
symbols trick your eye with
different sizes and the party
version adds elements like
mini-games. Best of all, it doesn’t discriminate based on
reading level, meaning it’s good for playing with kids or
foreign exchange students.

We know how to

Stuff your
Stocking!
Boo�Radley’s
Uncommon�Gifts

232�N.�Howard�.�456-7479
across�from�the�carousel

ZOMBIE CRIBBAGE

Tons of things have been zombified as of late:
Jane Austen,
donuts and
romantic
comedies, to
name three. So
why not a 17th
century card
game? Since it
was invented,
cribbage has
become one of
the most popular tabletop games of all time; it’s
finally undergone an undead makeover. Blood
drips and internal organs hang out of the jack,
queen and king in the deck of cards. The spilikins
are no longer just boring old pegs, but zombies
trudging across a cobblestone scoreboard. It’s
doubtful that cribbage would help much in the
event of a real zombie apocalypse, but you never
know. A zombie might take a liking to it and play
a few hands with you before gnawing on your
flesh.

PANDEMIC

With most board games you’re competing against
other players, trying to wallop them with pointdefeating moves or amass your own fortune of

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Godzilla tried it. Now you can choose to be an alien, giant robot
or mutant monster and battle other beasts while destroying and
conquering Tokyo. The game works
by throwing dice and choosing whether to gain victory points, energy,
health or choosing to attack another
player. You can also draw cards that
give you special powers like a nova
death ray or growing a second head.
King of Tokyo is a good game for mixed
ages. Buy this game for a family with
pent-up anger towards each other. It
could be a cathartic experience for
everyone to get to bare their inner monster.

VITICULTURE

If you weren’t born into a vineyard-owning Italian family but you
wish you had been, here’s your chance. In this “strategic game
of winemaking,”
— yes, a winemaking board game
— each player has
inherited small
vineyards in
pre-modern rural
Tuscany. With
only a few supplies and workers,
each player tries
to expand his or
her vineyard by
gaining workers
and visitors, planting vines, building and selling wine. The most successful winery
wins. Be sure to include a bottle or two of wine with this gift. It
wouldn’t be fair for someone to work so hard on a vineyard and
never drink the benefits. n

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EDITOR’S NOTE

THINGS ARE HEATING UP!

W

ho would have guessed
that winter would kick off
with a vengeance? The first couple
of weekends offered just enough
vertical to get those ski legs woken
up. Then out of nowhere, Ullr
blessed us with a Dec. 1 powder
day! Unexpected, well-deserved
and very much appreciated, face
shots were welcomed run after
run, followed up by big smiles and
sore legs — the good news is, our
first powder day is in the books!
Mother Nature also shocked
our bodies with a cold snap that
seemed to last for weeks, building
our tolerance for cold winter days
and mountain temperatures for the
rest of the ski season. Skiing and
snowboarding is in full swing, and
area mountains are ready for you

to get up on the hill this winter. As
the Christmas holiday nears, event
calendars get busier, so check out
our listings (p. 12) to see what is
going on at a mountain near you.
Nationwide, January is Learn
to Ski and Snowboard Month,
and the region’s ski resorts have
a plethora of programs designed
for those who never have skied
before. We’ve had the chance to
talk to our five local resorts about
programs, training and resources
available for those who want to
try out or return to the sport of
skiing or snowboarding this season
(p. 11).
Wishing all you skiers and
snowboarders a great holiday season — may Santa bring you many
powder days, filled with sunshine,
while surrounded by friends.
Cheers to a great season
ahead!

509.534.4554 | South 2925 Regal | www.SpokaneAlpineHaus.com

— JEN FORSYTH
Snowlander Editor
P.S.: Santa, if you’re wondering
what to get to me this season,
powder days are always nice, but
there’s also a comprehensive list in
the Gift Guide (p. 6).

E X P E R T A DV I C E
14

DECEMBER 2013 SNOWLANDER 3

NEWS AND NOTES

A photo of
Schweitzer from
its 1963 opening.

ROSS HALL/HALLANS
GALLERY PHOTO

4 INLANDER DECEMBER 2013

SCHWEITZER MOUNTAIN RESORT TURNS 50
Opening in the winter of 1963 in the Idaho panhandle, Schweitzer Mountain Resort celebrates half a
century in business this month.
“Schweitzer has really grown up in the past 50
years, especially in the past 15 when we transformed
from a ski area to a resort,” says resort marketing
manager Sean Briggs.
While people had been skiing the mountainous
terrain just north of Sandpoint since the early 1930s, it

wasn’t until a group of entrepreneurs — Jack Fowler,
Grant Groesbeck, Sam Wormington and Jim Brown —
saw a golden business opportunity in the making that
the ski area was conceptualized. It began as Schweitzer
Basin.
In honor of the milestone, Schweitzer held a series
of parties and discounted lift tickets for Founder’s Day
weekend, Dec. 13-15. In addition, a 25-year-old time capsule, which ski patrol buried by the Snow Ghost chairlift,

was cracked open.
“We are so thankful for our guests who have supported us year after year,” Briggs says. “It feels great to
be celebrating this event with all of them.”
Skiers who first traversed the place 50 years ago
paid $4 for a daily lift ticket. Today that runs $71.
Briggs says Schweitzer’s 50th anniversary festivities
will last all season long.
— LAURA JOHNSON

THE UNPREDICTABLE FORECAST
This year, forecasters have little to go on for the
months of December, January and February, says John
Livingston, with the National Weather Service. “These are
large-scale forecasts for large periods of time,” Livingston
says, cautioning against drawing too many conclusions.
“It’ll be a near-normal winter. There will be snow in the
mountains. Winter will pay us a visit.”
Over at Lookout Pass (pictured) near the IdahoMontana border, things are more optimistic. Chris Barrett,
Lookout’s marketing director, says even before the first
flake of snow, he was seeing signs of a strong winter.
“We were seeing a lot of yellow jackets in the summertime,” Barrett says. “Animals were shedding early.
That’s a good sign as well.”
Last week, it snowed 11 inches at Lookout in just four
days.
“It looks like it’s going to be a promising, 400-plus

inch season,” Barrett says. “The Farmers’ Almanac is saying we’re going to have a good season this year, [but] the
proof is in the actual pudding.”
While intense cold from early December’s arctic blast
didn’t resulted in new snowfall, it preserved the existing
snow. What little moisture evaporated almost instantly
returned to the surface.
“It almost re-snows,” Barrett says. “It almost slows
down time in the snow.”
That’s the thing about the mountains. Places like
Lookout Pass have their own microclimates. Even if the
overall Northwest climate remains normal, strange and
wonderful weather events can happen on the ski slopes.
“The dry air from the east and south converges on the
resort,” Barrett says. “Just a mile from us, it’ll be raining.
[But] it’s snowing at Lookout Pass.”
— DANIEL WALTERS

The New

INLANDER MOBILE
When is our
movie playing?
Who has
karaoke tonight?
What’s happening
this weekend?
Where is the nearest
chinese restaurant?

The answers to life’s great questions.
m.inlander.com

DECEMBER 2013 SNOWLANDER 5

GIFT GUIDE
3:30p - 9:30p

(e)

(i)

(j)
(h)

(b)
(a)

Freeride Media

GIFTS FOR SKIERS

Ideas for the ski bums on your list BY JEN FORSYTH
From
fashionable
to
functional

BUY LIF T TICKETS

O N L I N E & S AV E

BRING A FRIEND
BRIN
& TU
TUBE AT THE TOP!
BUY TICKETS

ONLINE
JUST 28 MILES FROM DOWNTOWN SPOKANE!

GO TO WWW.MTSPOKANE.COM FOR MORE INFO.

6 INLANDER DECEMBER 2013

C

USTOM 7B IPHONE CASE,
$40, 7B BOARDSHOP, SANDPOINT (A): Show your 7B love while
protecting your iPhone. These stylish
genuine-wood skins are available in
lighter- and darker-grain wood, with
options of the 7B Boardshop logo or a
graffiti 7B logo version. Available for
your iPhone 4s or 5.
WEWOOD WATCH, $120$135, ALPINE SHOP, SANDPOINT (B): A stylish piece and a nice
complement for any outdoorsman’s accessory collection. These watches come
in a variety of styles for both men and
women and offer six natural shades:
Red Wing Celtis (brown), Blackwood
(black), Reclaimed Teak (teak), Maple
(beige), Guaiaco (army green) and Indian Rosewood (chocolate). With each
watch purchase, a tree is planted in the
U.S. by American Forests.
WT-66 BINDING 4-PACK BY
SHOTZ SKI, $95, SHOTZSKI.
COM (C): You’ve seen these in action at your favorite ski bar and Pray
for Snow parties all over the Inland
Northwest. Now owning one is more of
a (financial) reality. The newly released
self-install 4-pack system includes four
boots, WT-66 bindings and instructions

on how to mount these bad boys to
your favorite ski collecting dust in your
garage. Bindings are available in black,
yellow, white, red, orange and green.
SKHOOP SKIRTS, PRICE
VARIES BASED ON STYLE,
ESCAPE OUTDOORS, COEUR
D’ALENE (D): Skhoop skirts are at
it again, adding to their distinguished
line of apparel for the mountain ladies
in your life. The down skirts have been
a winter favorite to throw on after a
day on the slopes, or just to run to the
grocery store on a cold, blustery day.
Now they offer a wool version to add
to your winter wardrobe.
SMITH I/O GOGGLES, $175,
WINTERSPORT, SPOKANE (E):
Want to experience goggle love? Add a
pair of Smith goggles to your Christmas list. Available in a variety of color
combinations, these goggles come with
two lenses, one for low light and one
for sunny days. For smaller faces, check
out the I/OS; for glasses-compatible or
larger faces, the I/OX will do the job.
ARCADE BELTS, $24-$32, ARCADEBELTS.COM (F): Customize
your look by adding a stylish Arcade
Belt to your ski wardrobe. Available in

Call or Order Online Today!
(d)

(g)

(f)
(c)

a variety of styles and colors,
these mountain-inspired belts
will add distinction to ski
pants, jeans or fly-fishing waders. My personal favorite? The
Pacific.
BEERACUDA BY
BURTON, $20, SKI
SHACK, HAYDEN (G):
The Beeracuda can be used
year-round and for a variety
of adventures. This over-theshoulder beer holder easily
houses a six-pack of your
favorite canned brew in a
vertical insulated sleeve and
features a koozie-enhanced
shoulder strap. Available in
two patterns: Duck Hunter
Camo and Revelstoke.
LANGE HEATED
BOOT BAG, $200, ALPINE
HAUS, SPOKANE (H):
Tired of showing up to the
hill and slipping on a pair
of cold boots? Add a heated
boot bag to your arsenal and
discover the wonderful world
of toasty toes. It’s 220V and
12DC charging-compatible.
After your first time arriving

to the first chair with warm
feet, you’ll never want to leave
home without it.
DAKINE DELUXE
SKI AND SNOWBOARD
TUNING KIT, $60, THE
SPORTS CREEL, SPOKANE (I): This set includes
everything skiers and snowboarders will need to keep
their boards in the best shape
possible throughout the season.
Kit includes files, stones,
scrapers, wax, case and much
more. Whiskey for sipping
while working on boards not
included.
GIRLS’ MARMOT
INCOG HAT, $30, MOUNTAIN GEAR, SPOKANE
(J): Even the little ladies in
our lives need accessory pieces
that show they have mountain style and attitude. This
beanie comes in deep purple
or pop pink and features a cool
crochet pattern and a front bill.
Good for getting to and from
the mountain, or for building that first snowman of the
season in the backyard. 

ack in the late ’70s, the movie Animal House
hit the big screen. Plenty of classic lines
came from that movie. One scene that stands
out is when Dean Wormer shut down Delta
House and the Delta boys had one way to get
over their problem: “Road Trip!”
Now imagine getting together a group of
kids 12 to 17 years old, and taking them not
only on their first skiing road trip, but capping
it off with a day of deep powder cat-skiing with
Big Red Cats.
I travel the legendary Powder Highway
in Canada with my good friend Tommy Frey
every year on a 10-day powder-skiing road trip.
We always come home with fun stories, and
our kids have grown up watching the videos of
all the fun that takes place on these adventures.
Every year they ask “When can we go on the
road trip?”
It finally happened last December. We were
having a discussion with Paula Gaul from Big
Red Cats in Rossland, B.C.; she had mentioned
their cat-skiing operation now includes kids 12

and older. The wheels started turning and the
plan was laid out: “Kids’ Road Trip!” A few
phone calls later, we were on track with six
friends, ranging from 12 to 17, who have known
each other for years.
Sandpoint’s Jeff Cates said his 14-year-old
stepson Michael Plaster was consumed with
going: “Michael kept telling all of his friends
at school what he was getting to do. He had it
scheduled into his phone; that’s all he could talk
about. He was very, very excited to go.”
We decided we would start the kids off with
a day at Whitewater Ski Resort outside the
funky ski town of Nelson, B.C. In 2012, Nelson
was voted by the readers of Powder magazine as
the No. 1 ski town in North America in their
“Ski Town Throwdown” competition. What
better place then Nelson to start immersing kids
into the ski culture.
On Friday, Feb. 8, our day started with a
spectacular drive up the canyon to Whitewater.
The kids were in awe. “Humongous” is not
a word you hear every day, but apparently

Michael likes to use it. We were all taken in by
the beauty of these spectacular mountains, cast
against the bluebird skies. It doesn’t get much
better than this when you’re going riding.
It was a crisp, clear morning and with temps
in the low teens, we were looking to start our
day somewhere in the sun. Behind the Summit
Chair the sun was cresting, making our decision
to start there a no-brainer. We hot-lapped highspeed groomed runs on Bonanza and Motherlode in the sun and ventured around a little.
Directly under the Summit Chair, we found a
run with big, soft bumps that was calling our
name. Having the kids ski the “Hollywood”
Line directly under the chairlift was a fun way
to put a little pressure on them; the kids had to
be on their “A game” and ski under the watchful
eye of a very vocal audience.
Next we were off to the Terrain Park, which
siblings JoJo and JJ Jaeger had their eyes on
from the minute we arrived. Whitewater does a
fabulous job with their Terrain Park; there are
plenty of features and a good flow. It was a great

place for the kids to have some fun, doing what
kids love to do: jump! The kids sessioned the
park for the remainder of the morning. Then it
was time to refuel.
Whitewater is famous for more than their
skiing. Fresh Tracks Cafe in the lodge doesn’t
serve your normal lodge food. With choices like
the Wildhorse Curry Bowl and Chai BBQ Pulled
Pork Panini, you know you’re in for a culinary
treat. The hands-down favorite with this young
crew was the good old Canadian standby of Poutine and fries. My mouth is watering just thinking
about it.
After lunch, we took the kids over to Whitewater’s newly expanded Glory Ridge Chair,
where they finished off the remainder of their
day. Even with the five-year age difference in the
group, it was nice seeing them all skiing together,
having a great time.
Downtown Nelson has lots of incredible food
choices, but all these kids wanted was pizza and
some time at the indoor hotel pool. Who can
argue with that? After all, tomorrow was going to
be a big day for this crew.

After the 411 on safety and protocol, we loaded up the cat and headed up to the zone where
we’d spend our day skiing. As we crested the
top of the ridge, Kieren pointed out the run we’d
be skiing. The “stoked” level was at an all-time
high for these kids; they could hardly contain
themselves. As we unloaded the cat and stepped
into our gear, Kieren’s tail guide Natasha Lockey
dug a snow pit to assess snow-pack stability. As
suspected, conditions were perfect. It was going to
be an epic first day for these kids.
The group followed Kieren as we slid out in
single-file formation to a group of trees, a safe
zone just before the opening in the basin. We’d
post up here, waiting our turns. Kieren gave us
a few words of encouragement, then skied down
to check snow quality and get in position at the
bottom of the first pitch. He made it look so
effortless. He radioed back up to Natasha: “It’s
perfect. Send ’em, one at a time.”
After months of anxiousness, it was now go
time. Justin Meredith, 17, from Coeur d’Alene,
was the first to go. He slid his snowboard into
position, then dropped into his line, carving all
the way down to Kieren a few hundred yards below. You could hear Justin hooting and hollering
Five am wakeup call, gear loaded in the rigs and
the whole way. Natasha stood at the top, saying,
on the road by 6 for the hour drive to Rossland,
“That’s the way it’s done!”
B.C., home to Big Red Cats. The drive was an
Each kid made their first cat-skiing powder
interesting one: These kids aren’t
run, and as they reached the bottom you
morning people, and there was
could sense a huge burden lifted off their
a little nervousness and anxiety
shoulders; each had overcome something
Bigredcats.com
about their first cat-skiing adventhey were nervous about.
Skiwhitewater.com
ture.
Justin says, “I was a little scared and
Powderhighway.com
Owners Kieren and Paula
intimated at first, but the excitement
Nelsonkootenaylake.com
Gaul purchased Big Red Cats back
kicked in when I got here. It turned out
in 2004. They have expanded
to be easy and really fun. It was really
their operation by offering up to four different
cool.”
snowcats in their 19,800-acre terrain. Each cat
It’s just as rewarding for Kieren:
carries riders of similar abilities, making your cat“It’s just wonderful to see, when their face
skiing experience an enjoyable one.
starts to light up, when they start to get it. You
“We can take up to 12 people out in each cat
can see that transition, that spark hits their eyes,
and we offer different levels; we do intermedialmost like fire. The excitement, that’s what I like
ate, advanced, expert, and uber expert, which
to see.”
is jumping off cliffs all day,” says Kieren, a lead
With a few runs under their belts and an
guide with the operation.
ever-increasing confidence level, it was time to
One of BRC’s additions was introducing
have some fun in the powder. Cooper, 14, and
younger riders to cat skiing.
Justine were all about boosting airs off everything
“Kids can come out cat skiing with us at 12
into the powder. My daughter Hannah Legasa
years and older; they need to come out with
was like a kid in a candy store, getting as much
a parent or a guardian,” says Kieren, whose
fresh pow as she could.
12-year-old daughter Sammie was along on this
“It was fun to hit the jumps because when
adventure. “It’s a ton of fun when the teenagers
you landed, the snow was so soft and it shot up in
come out. They’ll start off in the intermediate or
your face. It was awesome,” says Cooper Herby.
advanced, and sometimes expert group.”
The beauty of cat skiing: You get short
“This is a huge experience for the kids. They
15-to-20-minute rests between runs as you make
get to see what the big mountains and the Monayour way back up in the cat, just enough time
shees are all about,” says Tommy, there with his
to recharge and refuel for the next run. With
15-year-old Sydney. “I’ve been listening to Sydney
conditions at their best, the kids charged hard all
for months since we started planning this thing.
day long. “These kids got to experience a huge
She’s just a little excited.”
day of skiing in fresh powder and sunshine,”
After a short transceiver training clinic put
says Tommy, “but the best thing about it for us
on by Big Red Cats’ certified mountain guides, it
parents? When they got home, they were all
was time to head up to the high country. Kieren
exhausted and in bed, sound asleep before their
informed us that after a foot of new snow a few
heads even hit the pillow.”
days ago and with consistent cold temps, skiing
I’d say these kids are hooked now. I’m sure
was ranking a 10 on the fun meter. These type of
they’ll be back, bringing back their ski buddies.
conditions, with boot-top snow, are perfect for the
Kieren has a pretty good business model. As a
first timer, making it an ideal learning situation —
parent, this was a dream come true; my daughter
just deep enough to get the powder sensation and
was able to experience something we are both so
build up your skill and confidence.
passionate about. I feel like I’ve passed the torch. 

these are the good old days.

THE BIG DAY

RESOURCES

JANUARY WHITE SALE
Book TWO nights lodging
and TWO days skiing, get the

BEER
turn of Laughing Dog’s Dogfather,
an imperial stout aged in charred
bourbon barrels. It’s available in
22-oz. bottles — and at 10 percent
alcohol by volume, it might be one
to drink once you’re safely at home
just steps from your bed. Though
not strictly a winter seasonal,
another cold-weather favorite is the
Anubis Imperial Coffee Porter, also
available in 22-oz. bottles.

WALLACE BREWING

With an annual average snowfall of
nearly 50 inches, the historic mining town of Wallace knows a thing
or two about winter. The Winter
Ale from Wallace Brewing takes its
warming role seriously, at 8 percent
alcohol by volume. The caramel
maltiness has hints of candy apple
and toasted marshmallow. If you’re
not making it to Wallace any time
before the snow starts melting,
this beer has also been spotted on
Spokane-area tap lists recently.

PARADISE CREEK BREWERY

WINTER SIPS
Unwind with seasonal stouts and winter warmers
from the region’s breweries BY LISA WAANANEN
Sustenance
between
downhill runs
YOUNG KWAK
PHOTO

W

ith the wind chills far below
freezing, it’s hard to argue
with a mug of hot cocoa or bourbon cider beside the fireplace. But
it’s also the season for stouts, winter warmers and other beers that
pair best with a thick snowpack.
Unwind after a day on the slopes

by stopping by one of the breweries
in the region, or sipping their brews
at regional bars and restaurants.
Here are a few to try before the
season’s over:

LAUGHING DOG BREWING

Winter in Sandpoint means the re-

In Pullman, Paradise Creek
Brewery released several dark, rich
beers just for the winter season.
They made a limited-edition Peppermint Porter for a s’mores bonfire holiday event, if you’re lucky
enough to stop by before they run
out. But they’ve got two other seasonals to try: Stocking Stuffer, an
imperial stout, and Lupular Fallout,
an imperial black IPA released last
week. Paradise Creek bottles some
of their standards, but you’ll only
find these beers on tap. If you’re
looking for a snack to go with
your pint, general manager Scott
Mackey suggests the grilled cheese
with peppered bacon, Cougar Gold
and smoked cheddar.

HOPPED UP BREWING

It’s the first winter in operation for
Hopped Up Brewing in Spokane

Valley, but owner and brewer Steve
Ewan hasn’t wasted time getting
into seasonals and rotating brews.
The robust, malty Destroy My
Sweater ale — which gets its name
from the brewery’s Ugly Sweater
Party — is brewed with spruce tips
instead of hops for a subtle wintry
flavor. If you’re already getting
tired of dark beers by this point in
the season, keep an eye out for a
limited-edition huckleberry cream
ale coming to one of the rotating
taps.

NO-LI

No-Li’s Winter Warmer is a
flavorful alternative to the season’s
stouts and porters. A ruby-colored
strong ale, the 2013 version has
spicy notes from the hops without
the heavy spiced flavor that’s often
in fall and winter seasonals. Most
local grocery stores have started
stocking the 22-oz. bottles, making
this a perfect winter brew to pick
up on the way home on those
nights when you need to rest up
before another early start. Also
keep an eye out for No-Li’s next
offering in the Expo Series — the
Skyrail IPA, a single-hop seasonal
released on Dec. 24 as a convenient
mood lifter for the days following
Christmas.

ICICLE BREWING CO.

If you’re traveling through
Leavenworth during a trip to the
Cascades, stop by Icicle Brewing
Co. Dark Persuasion German
Chocolate Cake Ale, a porter with
hints of coconut, was a favorite at
regional beer festivals last winter. Plenty of fans were eagerly
waiting when this year’s first keg
was tapped on Dec. 1. Another
experimental seasonal coming at
the beginning of 2014 is Strictly
Business, a dark-roasted pale ale. 

GETTING STARTED
Skiing is a lifestyle, and it’s never too early to learn BY JEN FORSYTH
Local
mountains
offer programs
for various skill
levels.

L

ookout Pass Ski and Recreation Area offers a great program and cool graduation presents
for those new to the sport of skiing
or snowboarding. For $99, the EZ
Ski & Ride 1-2-3 gives participants an incentive to come up to
Lookout and try it out. Beginners
get three lessons, including rentals
and lift tickets. Upon completion
of the three lessons? “A free season
pass for the rest of the season after
you graduate,” says Chris Barrett,
marketing and winter sports school
director. This program and deal is
only available for those brand-new
to the sport. It’s available for those
ages 13 and up every day Lookout is open, and for ages 7-12 on
weekends only.
Silver Mountain Resort
boasts one of the longest Magic
Carpets in the region, conveniently
located 50 feet from the Mountain
House and viewable from the patio. “You can see all the way down
the bunny hill from the patio,” says
Willy Bartlett, Silver’s marketing
coordinator. The Magic Carpet is
an easy lift for beginners; there’s

no riding off the chairlift, just
stepping from the snow onto the
moving carpet that takes you back
to the top of the run. “The biggest
difference for us at Silver is the accessibility of tubing and the water
park to the ski resort,” Bartlett
says. “So as a beginner, you have
a variety of activities in addition to
skiing.”
At Schweitzer Mountain
Resort, beginners looking to
explore skiing and snowboarding
will find a long list of full-time,
PSIA/AASI instructors available
seven days a week throughout the
entire season. In addition to the
passionate and qualified staff, there
are several options for the skiing
or snowboarding newbie. This
January, Schweitzer will celebrate
Learn to Ski Month by offering a
special learning package just for
beginners. It’s a one-day program
that includes lift ticket, lesson
and rental for $39. The next two
lessons are at a discounted rate of
$60 per day, and after completion
of this three-day program, you
receive a season pass, valid from

mid-March through season’s end.
“This is different than the EZ Ski
& Ride 1-2-3 program, as it’s per
day. You pay as you go,” says Terry
McLeod, Schweitzer’s snowsports
school director.
49° North wants your kid to
love the mountain as much as you
do, and it’s excited about offering programs for kids of all ages.
Rick Brown, director of skiing
& snowboarding at 49°, cites the
program “Mommy & Me/Daddy
& Me”: “These lessons include the
parent, as we teach them skills to
work with the child after the lesson
is over.” This program is available
for kids 2 and up and for one or
both parents. Additionally, 49°
has an entire fleet of new boards
and upgraded rental equipment.
“We are really excited about these
upgrades,” Brown says, “as the
new tools will allow newbies to be
successful and make them want to
come back.”
At Mt. Spokane Ski & Snowboard Park, even the smallest
shredders can get started early
with the Learn to Ride program.
Mt. Spokane is a certified Burton
Learn to Ride Center. “In addition
to providing Burton gear, which
has been engineered specifically
for new riders, our coaches also
focus on progression in a fun,
safe environment,” says Kristin
Whitaker, mountain services and
marketing manager. “What’s cool
about the Burton LTR gear, and
sets it apart from other learning
systems, is that very young kids
can now get started snowboarding
as early as 3 or 4 years old.” The
mountain has developed a video
series — available for viewing on
their website — on different subject
matters, including getting to the
mountain, what to do once you’re
there, mountain learning center
information and even a survival
guide to skiing in the rain. n

s you pack up the skis/boards and the whole family for an
evening of night skiing at Chewelah’s 49 Degrees North,
don’t forget the food donations, too. The resort’s first of four
evenings of night-skiing opportunities happens the weekend
after Christmas. Not only is it an ideal family bonding activity
that can be easily coordinated after a slow Saturday morning at
home, it’s affordable and is all for a good cause. Each night skiing event (upcoming dates: Jan. 4 and 18; Feb. 15) functions as
a food drive benefiting Second Harvest Food Bank. Attendees
are offered $4 lift tickets for the night in exchange for a minimum of two nonperishable food items (per person). Otherwise,
lift tickets are $15. Several runs and two chair lifts are open for
the event, which features the mountain aglow in soft orange
light. Resort marketing director Sherry Brewer says last year’s
night skiing food drives brought in about two and a half tons
of food. Warm in the lodge after a few runs, where families can
take advantage of food specials as they enjoy live music by classic blues/rock band the Rebellious Moles (2-6 pm).
— CHEY SCOTT
Night Skiing Food Drive • Dec. 28 from 3:30-8 pm • $4 lift
tickets with min. two food items; $15 without • 49 Degrees
North Mountain Resort • 3311 Flowery Trail Rd., Chewelah
• ski49.com • 935-6649

DECEMBER
NIGHT SKIING KICKOFF PARTY
Bringing the first night-skiing event of
the season in with a bang, the mountain
will be aglow in lights and everyone will
get a chance to win some sweet swag.
Dec. 20. Mt. Spokane Ski and Snowboard
Park, 29500 N. Mt. Spokane Park Dr.,
Mead, Wash. mtspokane.com (238-2220)
SANTAS SKI FREE
The first 30 skiers and riders to the
Village in full Santa or Mrs. Claus attire
get free lift tickets. Then the whole group
of Santas rides down the mountain for a
group photo. Dec. 21 at 9 am. Big White
Ski Resort, 5315 Big White Rd., Kelowna,
B.C. bigwhite.com (250-765-3101)
FREERIDERS CAMP
Children (ages 10 and older) are invited
to ride with the pros and play in the
terrain parks in daily camps held from
Dec. 21-23. Lookout Pass, I-90, Mullan,
Idaho. skilookout.com (208-744-1301)
CHRISTMAS ON THE MOUNTAIN
Attend the torchlight parade, kids
activities including the chance to meet
Santa himself, as well as live music in
the lodge. Dec. 21. Mission Ridge Ski &
Board Resort, 7500 Mission Ridge Rd.,
Wenatchee, Wash. missionridge.com
CHRISTMAS AT SILVER MOUNTAIN
It you’re celebrating the holidays on the
mountain, keep an eye out for the jolly
old elf himself on the slopes. Dec 24-25.
Silver Mountain Resort, 610 Bunker Ave.

GREAT SCOTT CROSS COUNTRY RACES
The annual event returns, where relay
teams take to the mountain on their snow
implement of choice: skis, snowshoes or
snowbikes. Dec. 29. Schweitzer Mountain
Resort, 10000 Schweitzer Mountain Rd.,
Sandpoint. schweitzer.com
AVALANCHE AWARENESS CLASS
Learn the signs of danger and how to get
to safety. Dec. 29 from 9:30 am-12:30 pm.
Mission Ridge Ski & Board Resort, 7500
Mission Ridge Rd., Wenatchee, Wash.
missionridge.com (663-6543)
NEW YEAR’S PARTY
Celebrate and count down to the New
Year with your family earlier in the
evening with a special NYE dinner, or
head to the dance party and countdown
to midnight in Noah’s Canteen. Dec. 31.
Silver Mountain Resort, 610 Bunker Ave.
Kellogg, Idaho. silvermt.com
NEW YEAR’S EVE PARTY
There are parties for all ages, including
a tubing party, “tween” party and a
countdown with live music all night at
Taps bar. Dec. 31. Schweitzer Mountain
Resort, 10000 Schweitzer Mountain Rd.,
Sandpoint. schweitzer.com

SNOW DREAMS
This annual winter deck party has been
voted one of the best on the continent.
This year, it’s co-hosted by Kokanee. Jan.
25. Fernie Alpine Resort, 5339 Ski Hill Rd.,
Fernie, B.C. skifernie.com
BAVARIAN BREWS/BRATS & MUSIC FEST
After a long day on the slopes, relax
and refuel with a juicy Bavarian-style
bratwurst and a stein as you enjoy live
music in the lodge. Jan. 26. Lookout
Pass, I-90, Mullan, Idaho. skilookout.com
(208-744-1301)

’ve been skiing for many years. I
find myself comfortably in a routine
when it comes to making sure I have
everything I need for my day on the
hill, but it never ceases to amaze me
how easy it is to make one of these
rookie mistakes. Just remember, it
doesn’t matter how long you’ve been
skiing; you will most likely experience
one of these rookie mistakes — or create
your very own.
A friend confessed to me that she
was so excited about a powder day, she
left her condo, loaded her gear into her
car and made her way to the parking lot. She quickly ran up a flight of
stairs, hoping to make first chair for yet
another great day. She was concerned
about how her legs would feel after
skiing from first to last chair the day
before, but as she ran up the stairs, she
thought to herself, “Man, my legs feel
great!” She got into the village, threw
her skis down, and went to click into
her bindings — only to realize the reason her legs felt so good was because
she was in her running shoes, not her
ski boots.
A couple of seasons ago, I was at
Lookout Pass on opening day. I got to
the parking lot early, loaded the chair
with eager skiers and snowboarders.
Rode the lift with old winter friends
and made new ones, and got wrapped
up in the season’s first ski day. At the
top of Chair 1, I pulled out my cellphone to take a photo and noticed the
time. It was 11 am. I had skied for two
hours; I couldn’t believe it! The first
day of the season and my legs weren’t

tired at all. All that pre-ski season training had paid off! I was running late
for a meeting back home, so I skied
to the parking lot, calling my first day
a success. I took my boots off, loaded
my stuff in the car and made my way
to the interstate. Then I realized what
had really happened as I read the clock
in my car. The time had changed automatically on my phone; adjusting for
the Mountain time zone, it was actually
only 10 am.
You’re amped. It’s your first ski
day. You eagerly load up your car,
thoroughly check off items on your
gear list. You’ve got it all. You make
your way up to the ski resort. Go
through the painful process of putting
your boots on — one of the hardest
transitions is from summer flip-flops to
rigid ski boots — and make your way
to the chairlift. As you throw your skis
down, you’re chatting with friends,
catching up on summer memories and
predictions for the upcoming season.
You click your boots into your bindings
and push away with your poles, only to
find that you’re not gliding. Then it occurs to you: “Summer wax. I seriously
forgot to scrape off my summer wax.”
A rookie mistake that you can’t blame
on your ski tuner.
The least favorite — and most common — is standing in line on a powder
day and realizing, only when your
favorite liftie makes their way down the
line to scan your season pass, that you
left it at home. You head to the back of
the line after you’ve procured a replacement pass for the day. 

Shape, sidecut and rocker, which is the best of the
best? The advancement of technology in boards
seems to be changing weekly, but there are three key
points to consider when choosing your next board.
1) Size. Generally the longer you go the more hard-charging and faster the board will be,
but as a good rule of size, between your nose and chin is a safe bet.
2) Stiffness. The Stiffer the board the more performance oriented the board is for all
mountain riding. The softer the more forgiving and playful the board will be.
3) Rocker. The more rocker (or reverse camber) a board has the more float and off groom
riding capabilities you will have at your disposal.
There are so many sizes, shapes and rocker variations
now so come on in and let our professionals get you in
the perfect set up this season.

CONTACT US
ADDRESS 2925 S. Regal
PHONE 509-534-4554

Snowshoeing is one of the easiest and most enjoyable of winter activities to learn; and it
doesn’t require a large investment! Here are a few details to look for in finding and fitting
yourself with new snowshoes.
The first thing you need to decide is what kind of terrain you’ll be walking on. The more hills,
trails, and uneven terrain you’ll be trekking, the more aggressive your snowshoe cleat will
need to be. If you plan to be walking on groomed roads or across meadows, you’ll need a
less aggressive cleat. As a general rule, the larger the surface area of the snowshoe, the more
floatation you’ll achieve on softer snow. This, along with your weight, will influence which
snowshoe and binding you’ll need. Most sporting goods stores will have a size chart posted
next to their snowshoes.
After picking the type of snowshoe you’ll need, you’ll want to place it on a flat, non-slip
floor. Loosen the straps and place the ball of your boot over the snowshoes rotation strap/
bar. With your heel centered over the snowshoe, tighten the heel strap around the back of
the boot. Then, pull up on the top straps to tighten them over the boot making sure there’s
no slack anywhere in the straps. Test your bindings and become familiar with them. If you
find your foot is slipping or moving about inside the binding,
it’s not fitting correctly. But, if you find the snowshoe stays
comfortably and firmly in place, you’re ready to have some
CONTACT US
fun! Now, get a good set of hiking poles for balance, and
PHONE 1-208-772-0613
EMAIL cda@tri-state.com
you’re set for an enjoyable winter activity.

WEB www.t-state.com

Finding the Right Helmet
Helmets are becoming very popular in today’s world of winter sports. Not only are helmets
warm and comfortable to wear while skiing and snowboarding, they can prevent head injuries
and even save your life. Follow these tips to find the right helmet for you.
• Measure Your Head - Take a soft measuring tape and wrap it around your head about 1
inch above your eyebrows and ears . Most helmets are measured in centimeters, so unless
you love calculations, measure your head in centimeters. For example, if you measure the
circumference of your head and it is 56cm, you will wear a 56cm helmet or Medium (55-58cm)
depending on the helmet’s size scale.
• Try It On - Make sure to put the helmet on before you buy it. The helmet should feel snug. A properly fitting helmet
needs to be snug all the way around your head so that it doesn’t move around, but not so snug that it causes discomfort
or headaches.
• Shake Test - With the helmet buckled, shake your head around. If the helmet moves on its own or shakes separately from
your head, it’s too big. The helmet pads should be flush against your head with no gaps.
A helmet will generally last 2-3 years under ideal conditions. However, a hard fall or other impact can render your helmet
useless. Frequently inspect your helmet for cracks, dents, imprints, etc. Don’t take risks. When in doubt, replace your helmet
to save yourself trouble or injury.

Schweitzer’s Gift Cards
A great holiday gift idea, Schweitzer’s Gift Cards can be used to purchase
lift tickets, food, souvenirs and equipment rentals - anything we sell at
resort-owned properties - even lodging!

Ski-in
Ski-Out
Lodging

4th Night Free
Stay 3 nights in the Selkirk Lodge or the White Pine Lodge
and your fourth night is on us.
*Lowest nightly rate of the four night stay is free.
Not available during Holiday Seasons (12/26/13 - 12/31/13) (2/14/14 - 2/16/14)

Jennifer Lawrence
might not tote around
a bow and arrow in
this movie, but she’s
undoubtedly cool,
maybe even cooler
than usual. She is
Jennifer Lawrence,
after all. She makes
tripping on the Oscar
stairs — on her way to
receive her Academy
Award for this movie,
no less — look cute,
being drunk during an interview look classy.
She brilliantly portrays the craziness of troubled,
widowed Tiffany (alongside Bradley Cooper) in
Silver Linings Playbook, though her character would
yell at you and throw things to the ground if you
called her crazy. Rightly so, maybe. This movie
takes an honest look at mental illness, something
not many films do. But it’s not all dark. It’s a
comedy with a little bit of romance and a lot of
awkward conversations.

MARY POPPINS:

50TH ANNIVERSARY EDITION
The charming yet
stern nanny who can
fly with an umbrella
and dance with penguins never gets boring. Since the Disney
film was first released
in 1964, people have
been trying to spell
supercalifragilisticexpialidocious and
can’t help but sing
when they fly a kite.
In the 50th anniversary edition, the Disney vault
is re-releasing the film with a Blu-ray option and
digital restoration. Any Mary Poppins fan would be
tickled to see the park, the bank and the rooftops
of London even brighter and more vibrant. Like
Bert says, “Coo, what a sight!”

MONSTERS UNIVERSITY

It’s hard to compile a
movie recommendation
list without including at
least one Pixar movie.
Pixar consistently hits the
epitome of creative animation, compelling storytelling and that mysterious
element that makes a
movie utterly delightful
for kids and equally as

DECK THE HALLS NOW THRU DEC. 31

entertaining for adults. This prequel to the story
about Mike Wazowski and Sulley, the scare team
from Monsters Inc., is no exception. We get to see
these friends’ collegiate days while they learn everything they can about professional scaring and
join with their quirky fraternity friends, Oozma
Kappa, to compete in the Scare Games.

STAR TREK INTO DARKNESS

“Khhhhaaaaannnnn!”
Oh, that chilling
scream from Mr.
Spock. Wait, Spock?
Wasn’t it Captain
Kirk? Oh, right — the
voyagers of the Starship Enterprise have
entered an alternate
universe since the first
contemporary Star
Trek installment. And
Khan is not the graymulleted hippie from
the 1982 Wrath of
Khan, but instead the dashing Benedict Cumberbatch, with vocal cords of gold. (I suppose those
are the kind of things that happen in parallel realities.) If you know anyone who fully understands
what was just said in the previous paragraph,
buying him or her Star Trek Into Darkness would
be a good idea. You might want to check their
movie collection first, because they might already
have it.

ALL FURNITURE

ON SALE

60

SELECT PIECES UP TO

%

OFF

ALL ACCESSORIES

ON SALE

75

SELECT PIECES UP TO

%

OFF

THE HOBBIT:

AN UNEXPECTED JOURNEY
When 13 dwarves
and a wizard come
barging into Bilbo
Baggins’ quiet
little hobbit hole,
you know a great
adventure is about
to ensue (you
know just how
great if you’ve
read Tolkien’s
book). The
humble hobbit
finds himself in incredible situations
with trolls and
other dangers as he does his job of burglar for the
dwarves set on reclaiming their dragon-guarded
treasure. There are familiar faces from the Lord
of the Rings trilogy: Gollum (looking a little more
moisturized), Gandalf (pretty much the same)
and, of course, the ring (it seems so innocent in
the prequel).
...continued on next page

THE COMPLETE COLLECTION
Every ’90s kid knows just how
important Boy Meets World is. The
romance of Cory and Topanga and
the wisdom of Mr. Feeny is nothing to be scoffed at. You can get
all seven seasons in this collection
and give it to any person in their
mid-to-late 20s, making the safe bet
that they’re a Boy Meets World fan.
It’s important they get it soon and
watch every episode. They need to
relive the sacred glory before Disney Channel’s new sitcom Girl
Meets World (starring Ben Savage and Danielle Fishel, the same
Cory and Topanga, now married with two children) comes out
next year. The new show could spoil what Boy Meets World once
was, or it could add to the greatness. It’s risky.

LIFE OF PI

A boy plus a tiger plus a small boat in
the middle of the ocean. That equation
seems to equal death for both living
parties involved. But for Piscine, aka Pi,
and Richard Parker, a Bengal tiger, it
means life and an incredible story to go
with it. The film is filled with stunning,
dreamlike imagery. The scenes with zoo
animals out on ocean waters gives it a
bizarre feel, but the glowing water and
the island swarmed with meerkats make
it beautiful. Get this movie for the introspective thinker you know. They’ll spend
hours pondering its themes of mortality, faith and the power of
storytelling.

BREAKING BAD:

THE COMPLETE SERIES

Walter White, a chemistry teacher, wants to
be sure his family will
be financially secure
when he dies from
his inoperable cancer.
So he starts cooking
meth with the help of
a former student, and
they’re so good at it that
big-time dealers take
notice. Crazy ordeals
ensue and family challenges arise. Among it
all, Breaking Bad became one of the most popular cable shows on
American television. The complete series set comes in a replica money barrel and is stuffed with all kinds of fan treasures.
There’s a commemorative challenge coin, a 16-page booklet with
a letter from writer Vince Gilligan and a Los Pollos Hermanos
apron. The DVDs include 55 hours of special features from all
the seasons, plus a two-hour documentary. It’s priced around
$400, but if you know a big enough fan, their happiness could be
worth it. n

38 INLANDER DECEMBER 19, 2013

multimedia GIFT GUIDE

BOOKS

from ron burgundy to stephen king
BY E.J. IANNELLI AND TED S. MCGREGOR JR.
THE CRIMSON SPOON

BY JAMIE CALLISON
We keep hearing about all those wonderful lentils they’re
growing down in the Palouse, and who doesn’t love Cougar Gold cheese? Chef Jamie Callison,
who teaches at WSU’s highly regarded
School of Hospitality Business Management, has put it all together in one big,
beautiful cookbook. It all started when
he created a meal for the WSU Board
of Governors back in 2012; when he
told them all the ingredients were locally
sourced, they did what any group generously lubricated
with Washington wines would do — they toasted him
vigorously and agreed that he simply must write a cookbook! So he did! Linda Burner Augustine — a Coug, of
course — helped him perfect his recipes, and now you can
put visions of Rainier cherry clafoutis and — of course —
Cougar Gold mac and cheese under your Christmas tree
this year. (TSM)

LET ME OFF AT THE TOP!

LEGENDS, ICONS AND REBELS

BY ROBBIE ROBERTSON, JIM GUERINOT,
SEBASTIAN ROBERTSON & JARED LEVINE
Have you ever tried to explain to kids how the music
from back in your day was pretty good, too? They kind
of wrinkle up their noses and just
stare at you before wandering off.
“But seriously, have you ever even
heard the Beatles…” How can you
possibly be losing that argument?
Now you can just gift Legends, Icons
and Rebels — a book about rock’s
roots written just for teens. Pulled
together by Robbie Robertson, the lead guitarist for The
Band, it’s all about “the original risk-takers.” His team
chose 27 artists — from Chuck Berry and Hank Williams
to Bob Marley and the Beach Boys — and even include
two CDs with a song from each. The highlight, however,
is the original artwork — brand-new portraits that each
run over two coffee-table-sized pages. When your teenager is done, you’ll want to read it too. (TSM)

BY RON BURGUNDY
In the proud American literary tradition of The Great
Gatsby and I Am America (And So Can You!), Ron Burgundy
has (finally) written his memoir. If you’ve
been wondering how he single-handedly
destroyed Iceland’s economy, or jilted
Barbara Walters (oh, he dishes), or how
he went mano a mano with Norman
Mailer, this is your book. As America’s
favorite news anchor put it at a signing
in L.A. recently, “I’m not gonna lie to
you: This is a very important book from
an important man.” Go ahead — just
give it to yourself this year. Read it over a tall glass of
Great Odin’s Raven scotch — the official elixir of Ron
Burgundy. (Note: This is true — there is a trademarked
Ron Burgundy scotch.) Haters might say Ron Burgundy
is overexposed; to that, he would no doubt say, “Thank
you, I know!” (TSM)

THE GOLDFINCH BY DONNA TARTT

EMPTY MANSIONS

JOYLAND BY STEPHEN KING

BY BILL DEDMAN & PAUL CLARK NEWELL JR.
If you’ve ever been to Butte, you’ve heard of William
Clark, the mining magnate who built that town — and
pulled millions in copper out from under
it. So whatever happened to all that money? Journalist Bill Dedman found out as
he came across a huge Connecticut mansion that had just gone up for sale after being unoccupied for six decades. The clues
led to Huguette Clark, William’s daughter,
a contested $300 million inheritance, and
two more palatial homes in California and
New York. Huguette died in 2011 at the age of 104, and
her life story spans everything from the Titanic to 9/11.
Written with the help of Paul Clark Newell Jr., her cousin,
the New York Times said Dedman “stumbled onto an amazing story of profligate wealth, one so wild that ‘American
aspiration’ doesn’t begin to describe its excesses.” (TSM)

When Donna Tartt publishes a book, it’s kind of a
big deal. It’s been 11 years since The Little Friend, and
although it was first slated to come out
in 2008, The Goldfinch finally hit stores
this fall. You can see what took her so
long — 700-plus pages, all vividly detailing the disparate worlds of the Dutch
masters and organized crime bosses. To
take it up a notch, Tartt writes the whole
thing from a boy’s perspective. (And they
say men writing from a women’s point
of view is tough!) The plot hinges on a
350-year-old painting by semi-forgotten Carel Fabritius,
The Goldfinch — the final link to young Theo Decker’s shattered family. Protecting and pursuing it takes Decker from
New York, in a kind of Holden Caulfield-esque tour of
the city, to Las Vegas and then Amsterdam. This is a wild
ride of a novel that’s sure to win big awards. (TSM)

It’s well known that Stephen King was never a big fan of
the film version of The Shining. So this year he’s out with
the last word on the matter in Doctor
Sleep, the sequel to The Shining. It debuted
on top of the bestseller lists. But a lot of
King fans are loving Joyland, the quickie
book released earlier this year, wrapped
in a super-cool, pulp-fiction-y package
under the Hard Case Crime imprint. It’s
a coming-of-age story at a North Carolina amusement park, circa 1973 — about
the time King would have been coming
of age himself. Of course there’s a ghost in the Haunted
House and a serial killer on the loose. Another cool thing:
King, who published one of the first e-books back in
2000, did not release Joyland electronically: “Let people
stir their sticks and go to an actual bookstore rather than
a digital one,” King said. (TSM)

TWELVE YEARS A SLAVE

BY SOLOMON NORTHRUP
You’ve seen — or at the very least heard about — the
compelling, critically acclaimed film starring Chiwetel Ejiofor and directed by Steve
McQueen. Now share the doubly
compelling memoir on which it’s based.
Solomon Northrup’s 1853 autobiography recounts the act of deceit that
took him from being a free negro in Minerva, N.Y., to a slave in the Louisiana
bayou — via Washington, D.C., where
he awoke one day to find himself in “a
slave pen within the very shadow of
the Capitol.” Eventually he would be reunited with his
family, but not before being whipped, degraded, and
narrowly escaping death. Northrup’s firsthand account
of human cruelty and kindness, delivered with intelligence and superhuman wry humor, was a bestseller
four decades before the first American bestseller list
existed. The new film tie-in edition has a foreword by
McQueen. (EJI)

OPEN LETTER SUBSCRIPTION

VARIOUS AUTHORS
In the U.S., perhaps not surprisingly, publishers tend
to gravitate toward Anglophone authors. Less than 3
percent of the books published in this country each
year are translated from another language. Open Letter,
which operates out of the University of Rochester in
New York, is an independent press that specializes in
cutting-edge, under-the-radar, or forgotten literature in
translation from all over the world. For a literary gift
that keeps on giving, Open Letter offers 6- ($60) and
12-month ($100) free-shipping subscription options
that will deliver roughly one newly published book per
month, along with a letter from the editor. Forthcoming
titles include Everything Happens As It Does by Bulgarian
author Albena Stambolova and Why I Killed My Best
Friend by Greek writer Amanda Michalopoulou. They
also offer bundles of their first 25 or 50 books at incredibly steep discounts. More info at openletterbooks.org.
(EJI)

CRAB MONSTERS, TEENAGE CAVEMEN & CANDY STRIPE NURSES

BY CHRIS NASHAWATY
This visually arresting, gleefully kitsch
coffee table book on Roger Corman
— self-styled “King of the B-movie” —
doesn’t skimp on substance. Alongside
behind-the-scenes photos spanning his
more-than-50-year career and full-color
movie poster reprints for films like She
Gods of Shark Reef and The Saga of the
Viking Women and Their Voyage to the Waters of The Great
Sea Serpent are historical blurbs and interviews with Corman’s (slightly more famous) protégés: Ron Howard,
James Cameron, Robert De Niro and Martin Scorsese,
to name only a few. Cineastes will appreciate its reminiscences and context, designers will value its aesthetic
appeal, and everyone else ought to enjoy reading about
the man who brought moviegoers Swamp Women (1955)
and Dinocroc vs. Supergator (2010). (EJI)

PENGUIN DROP CAPS SERIES

VARIOUS AUTHORS
Penguin’s Drop Caps series takes its name from its eyecatching typographical cover designs, with each letter
of the alphabet representing the surname of an author
of a classic work. So, for example, A stands for Jane
Austen’s Pride and Prejudice, B is for Charlotte Brontë’s
Jane Eyre, and so on up to the series’ most recent ad...continued on next page

DECEMBER 19, 2013 INLANDER 39

multimedia GIFT GUIDE

BOOKS

continued
dition, Swann’s Way by Marcel
Proust. The visual consistency
(the consecutive spines form a
literary rainbow) and canonical
quality of the Drop Caps books
make them a great addition to
an existing personal library or
the basis for a new one. Since Q
through Z have yet to come, future books can become a holiday
gift tradition. (EJI)

THE GOLDEN
NOTEBOOK

BY DORIS LESSING
When Doris Lessing passed
away last month, she left behind
a body of work that included
opera libretti, poetry, plays,
memoirs, graphic novels and
essays in addition to the novels
for which this
2007 Nobel
Laureate was
most famous.
The Golden
Notebook, which
takes up
more -isms
than Orwell
(among them
pacif-, feminand commun-), is perhaps the
most renowned of those novels,
winning a popular readership
despite its earnest treatment of
heady, often bleak sociopolitical
themes and its experimentation
with a postmodern style. This
is such an intricate, involved,
far-reaching work of fiction, it
contains something to resonate
with almost any reader. (EJI)

0 DER.COM
$1U5M.E0
.INLAN

VOL

ILABLE
UMBER AVA ICES
LIMITED N
PR
AY
D
LI
O
SPECIAL H

INDIE BOOKSTORE
SERENDIPITY

Instead of going shopping with
a specific book in mind, why
not head to a secondhand indie
bookstore and see where fate
leads you? In Spokane alone
there are Cal’s Books, Monkeyboy Books, 2nd Look Books,
Book Traders, Rae’s Book
Exchange and The Book Parlor,
plus dozens of vintage stores
and charity shops with at least a
shelf or two of pre-owned books.
Browse sections according to the
recipient’s interest or strike up a
conversation with the clerk and
get a personal recommendation,
since an anecdote makes any gift
a little more special. You could
very well wind up with a surprise find for less money. Or a
whole stack of finds for the price
of a new hardcover. (EJI) n

Carrying the Tune
Broadway is just the latest stop for Spokane’s musically talented O’Neill-Long family
BY LISA WAANANEN

B

randon O’Neill won’t be coming home for Christmas this
year, but that’s the way it goes if you’re part of a Broadway
show premiering in less than 10 weeks.
O’Neill’s role as a sidekick in Aladdin, the Disney musical
adapted from the animated movie, is one he originated at the 5th
Avenue Theatre in Seattle, and he’s at home on the stage after a
series of critically acclaimed lead roles. But Broadway is in some
ways very far from where he got his start here in Spokane, where
he grew up singing in church and with his family, and later leading
the band Rough Congress.
“I always dreamed that my voice would pay the bills, but never
imagined musical theater as a venue for that,” he wrote from his
dressing room in Toronto, where the cast is in the middle of three
months of “pre-Broadway” rehearsals.
Music, in many forms, runs in the O’Neill blood. Brandon’s
father grew up singing, as did his father. His aunt, Annie O’Neill,
is a singer who’s performed at the House of Blues in Las Vegas.
Another aunt, BethAnn Long, recorded three albums and still performs. Three of her sons, plus another cousin, are sharing a stage
for a first time in years this weekend at the Bartlett.
Christmas caroling with the O’Neill family is a “four-part harmony affair,” Brandon says, and he and his cousins share memories

of sing-alongs and gatherings where their different styles had a
common start.
“Simple opportunities to hear and be heard and encouragement
to raise your voice were common in our family,” he says. “This is
how singers are born.”

T

he way the story goes, it all started with Scott Joplin’s
“Maple Leaf Rag.” Anne O’Neill bought the sheet music
and taught herself to play piano, and her children grew up
sitting beside her as she played ragtime piano in North Dakota during the Great Depression.
One of her sons, J. Pat O’Neill, sang in barbershop quartets,
and with his wife Theresa brought up seven children singing harmonies in Spokane.
“Whenever we were in the car going on a trip, Dad was singing,” says his son Shane, Brandon’s father. “He’s a whistler and a
crooner and he sings all the time. It plants seeds into your mind and
your soul about music — and then it’s up to the individual to take it
from there.”
As kids, Shane and his twin brother Kevin sang on Starlit
Stairway, the live talent show televised in Spokane every Saturday
night for decades. They performed when the renowned barbershop
...continued on next page

Brandon O’Neill , far
right, in his role for
Aladdin.

DECEMBER 19, 2013 INLANDER 41

CULTURE | TRADITIONS
“CARRYING THE TUNE,” CONTINUED...
quartet Buffalo Bills came to town in 1961.
“There’s a recording — we sound like the Chipmunks
because our voices hadn’t changed,” Kevin says.
Kevin says he’s not taking credit, but he likes to tell
about how he put a three-quarter-size guitar with a missing string into the arms of little BethAnn.
“Next thing you know she’s playing John Denver and
everything else,” he says.
Now 87, the patriarch of the family is a steady supporter at Spokane’s theaters and auditoriums, coffee
shops and music venues — anywhere his children and
grandchildren make music. He’s proud of the family
legacy, but deftly pushes the spotlight toward the newer
generations.
“These guys are the up-and-comers,” he says.

W

hile Brandon O’Neill was in Seattle singing
with the Seattle Symphony and earning leading roles, his younger cousins were forging
their own styles. As teens, Patrick O’Neill and his cousins
Curran and Riley Long earned a following and packed
the Big Easy as the rock band Mylestone. They moved
on, but didn’t stop making music. Twins Curran and
Riley, now 24, have been performing more than half their
lives.
“It wasn’t like our parents shoved us into classical
music lessons or anything, we just had a basement full of
fun, musical toys,” Curran says.
Their older brother, singer-songwriter Kevin Long,
has toured with Rocky Votolato and embarked on his
own West Coast tour this past summer. Their cousin Patrick, now also based in Seattle, put out an album this year
that gives credit to several O’Neills for backup vocals.

Dec 20th - 22nd Dec 26th - 29th 2013
& Jan 1st - 5th 2014
Bring your family to the MAC for a 1910
holiday experience! At this annual event,
you can leisurely wander the Campbell
House and Carriage House to visit, and play
a game of charades, with Mrs. Campbell.
Bake cookies with Hulda the cook, and
learn about the Campbell’s electric car with
Joseph Rainsberry the coachman.

Get into the spirit!
42 INLANDER DECEMBER 19, 2013

The Long family, (left to right) Meghan, Curran, BethAnn, Riley, Colin and Bill sing together at Summit Church. SAMUEL SARGEANT PHOTO
It’s been a long time since they shared a stage together,
and their shared show this Friday night at the Bartlett is a
reunion of sorts.
The youngest Long siblings, also twins, also are
talented performers. The musical gene continued to the
next generation of great-grandchildren — the family’s
youngest singer-songwriter is University High sophomore Jamison Sampson, who has recorded with Curran.
The whole family agrees it’s about nurturing and
encouragement, not competition, though Brandon jokes
that it could get ugly if someone won a Grammy. “How
do you thank a family as big as the O’Neills?” he says.

“‘He said Kevin’s name, why didn’t he say mine?’”
Success gets the headlines, but music has carried
the family through hard times, too, as a symbol of what
binds them.
“Music has always been part of our lives,” Shane
says. “And it brought us through the good years and it
brought us through the bad.” 
Like Lions with Bristol and Kevin Long • Fri, Dec. 20
• $8 advance/$10 day of show • The Bartlett • 228 W.
Sprague Ave. • thebartlettspokane.com

CULTURE | DIGEST

CLASSICAL HOLIDAY POPS
N

early 2,000 people joining voices for “Joy to the
World” or “It Came Upon a Midnight Clear” year
after year may seem monotonous, but for so many,
the tradition of belting out those well-known lyrics with
the Spokane Symphony for its Holiday Pops Celebration
concerts never tires.
“There is something extra special about singing along
while the full orchestra plays. Everyone, young and old,
really gets into it,” says resident conductor Morihiko Nakahara, who is helming Saturday and Sundays concerts.
It’s that time of year again when every artistic
organization pulls out all the stops for the holiday
season hoping to attract festive crowds. Continuing its
season-long SuperPops series with this weekend’s festive concerts, the symphony is no exception. The show
will play up treasured seasonal favorites (“’Twas the
Night Before Christmas”), inspired Christmas medleys
(a mash-up of “Frosty the Snowman,” “Jingle Bells” and
more) and lush pieces you may not have heard before
(“A Charleston Christmas”). The show finishes with the
popular sing-along session. In addition, the Spokane
Symphony Chorale and Spokane Area Youth Choir will join
the orchestra onstage for full-out showstoppers (“Gloria,”
“Christmas At Home”).
Surprises are also planned with Santa slated to
conduct one piece and a performance by a mystery guest,

ALBUM | Portland troubadour
Casey Neill brings a little more jangle
and swagger to his latest album, ALL
YOU PRETTY VANDALS, released last
month. Backed by the all-star Norway Rats — comprised of members
of the Decemberists, Eels and She &
Him — Neill offers 11 down-and-out
anthems for the Rose City. Shaped
by both the Celtic folk and punk
rock traditions, the album traces a
Northwesterner’s line between the
Clash, the Pogues and the Boss.
Songs buzz with ramshackle guitar
and reckless piano as Neill belts out
heart-weary tales in a balladeer’s
growl, singing of defiant hope in
dark alleyways.

BOOK | This widely acclaimed collection of 10 short stories by George
Saunders, TENTH OF DECEMBER,
plays out like a diabolical philosophy
exam with morals tested against
upside-down expectations. The book
carries a strong energy and clarity
of mission throughout each story
as characters encounter fumbling
kidnappers, forced pharmaceutical
experiments and a variety of selfdelusions. Saunders shifts perspective with rare tact and finds unique
sparks of humanity amid dark, often
twisted themes. It’s a book full of
uncommon insights and surprising
successes.

TV | Just six episodes in, ALMOST
HUMAN, a new show about future
detectives partnered with life-like
androids, manages an entertaining
mix of crime drama and science
fiction. Many of the themes seem
pulled from I, Robot, but the show
has slowly started shaking off some
of its early cliches. Set in the year
2048, the show follows hardened
Det. John Kennex and his robo-partner Dorian as they face off against
criminals, organized and otherwise,
armed with imaginative new technology. Genetic, holographic and
surveillance tech allow interesting
new approaches to both committing
and fighting crime.

DECEMBER 19, 2013 INLANDER 43

CULTURE | FOOTBALL

WSU center Elliott Bosch, a Ferris High school grad, plays in his final game as a Cougar this weekend. JIM SIMPKINS PHOTO

Let’s Go Bowling

After a decade’s absence, WSU returns to the postseason
BY HOWIE STALWICK

ootball teams that have suffered through
years of duress have been known to let up
on the gas once they finally play in a bowl

game.
The Washington State Cougars insist they
are not one of those teams. They plan to prove it
Saturday in Albuquerque, N.M., when the Cougars square off with Colorado State in the New
Mexico Bowl in the first game of the extensive
bowl schedule.
“We don’t want to go down there just to have
fun,” running back Marcus Mason says. “We
want to have fun while winning the game.”
Kicker Andrew Furney added, “I don’t feel
like there’s any feeling on the team that, ‘Oh
yeah, we’ve made it, we’ve arrived and that’s
that. Let’s go out and celebrate and enjoy ourselves. Who really cares about the win?’”
The Cougars are just 6-6, but sports
statistician Jeff Sagarin ranks their schedule as
the toughest in the nation. The Rams are 7-6,
but none of the teams they beat has a winning
record, and their schedule was ranked among the
easiest. If you’re a betting type, Vegas lists WSU
as a 4½-point favorite.
Colorado State is far more balanced on offense than WSU — the Cougars rank first in the
nation in pass attempts, last in rushing attempts —
but the teams do have similarities. Both struggled
in recent years; both rely heavily on underclassmen; both run up-tempo, no-huddle offenses;
and both have head coaches in their second year
on the job.
Mike Leach, who guided Texas Tech to
bowl games all 10 seasons he coached the Red
Raiders, has steered the Cougars into their first

bowl game since 2003, also the last season WSU
finished with a winning record.
“This [coaching] staff has done a good job of
really changing the culture,” Furney says.
Colorado State coach Jim McElwain, a native
of Missoula, Mont., is a former Eastern Washington quarterback and assistant coach. He took
over the Rams last season after serving as offensive coordinator on Alabama’s 2011 national
championship squad. The Rams are making their
first bowl appearance since winning the 2008
New Mexico Bowl.
“There is a certain aura that goes around being a bowl team,” McElwain says, “and there is a
certain club now; you can walk in the back alley
and knock on the door and you have the secret
code to get in.”
Rams running back Kapri Bibbs is drawing
All-America attention. He led the Mountain West
Conference with 1,572 rushing yards (eighth in
the nation) and 28 touchdowns (second). Bibbs
best keep an eye out for WSU All-American
safety Deone Bucannon, the Pac-12 Conference
leader with 109 tackles.
WSU quarterback Connor Halliday, a
graduate of Ferris High School in Spokane, ranks
fourth in the nation with 4,187 passing yards.
Colorado State QB Garrett Grayson, from Heritage High in Vancouver, Wash., ranks 18th with
3,327 passing yards. Halliday must be wary of
blitzing linebacker Shaquil Barrett, who is tied for
third in the nation with 12 quarterback sacks. 
New Mexico Bowl • Washington State (6-6) vs.
Colorado State (7-6) • Sat, Dec. 21 at 11 am •
Televised on ESPN

CULTURE | THEATER

901 W E S T S P R A G U E A V E , S P O K A N E | 5 09. 227 . 7 638

HAMILTION STUDIOS PHOTO

Best Cellar

A Concert of Classical &
Contemporary Holiday Songs
Designed by Jadd Davis

The Basement Ladies return for the holidays
in a prequel to Interplayers’ preseason hit

requels aren’t just for movies. Although
they’re far less common in theater, you can
certainly find them, often by following a
long trail of box-office receipts. Due in large part
to the success of the first two plays in his Henry VI
trilogy, Shakespeare is suspected to have written
the first part after what became the third. More
recently, the Broadway hit Wicked has continued
to mine a theatrical mother lode by post-predating The Wizard of Oz.
So when Church Basement Ladies entertained
250,000 patrons over its two-and-a-half-year
opening run at Minnesota’s Plymouth Playhouse
in 2005, its production company was no doubt
inspired to start writing other works at different
points on a shared timeline.
Away in the Basement, the Christmas-themed installment, arose as the third play in the franchise,
but it’s actually the first in its chronology. That
made it a clear holiday choice for Interplayers,
which staged the original Church Basement Ladies
play during the theater’s summer preseason.
“It takes place five years before the Church
Basement Ladies people saw in the summer,” says
Jennifer Jacobs, who’s reprising — or pre-prising
— her role as Karin Engleson. “That allows the
characters to change in those five years, and you
see how the relationships have developed. But in
reverse.” In Away in the Basement, Pastor Gunderson, played again by Jerry Sciarrio, meets the
woman who will become his wife in Church Basement Ladies. Signe Engleson (Sarah Uptagrafft),
whose marriage fueled much of the humor and
drama in the summer production, begins dating
her future fiancé in this prequel.
“I’m a young teenager this time instead of
almost an adult,” says Uptagrafft. “And Harry,
who’s the boy that my character marries in the
first show, has developed a crush on me they will
not let me forget.” The step backward in time
also means that Willie, the unseen handyman
who passes away in the first installment, is still
alive (and still unseen) here.
But in this tiny, mid-20th century Minnesota
town, some things are bound to stay the same,

even when time moves in the opposite direction. Like the earlier production, also directed
by Michael Weaver, there’s a big event — in this
case, the annual Christmas pageant — that has the
church basement buzzing with activity, bringing “scatterbrained” Mavis Gilmerson (Kathie
Doyle-Lipe, who’s appearing simultaneously in
Crazy for You at the Civic), change-averse Vivian
Snustad (Marianne McLaughlin, stepping into
Susan Windham’s prior role), the pastor and the
Englesons back together. Their dynamic hasn’t
changed greatly. Mavis is “the fixer.” Vivian
is “the antagonist.” Pastor Gunderson is the
mediator. And even though the stakes are slightly
smaller this time around, Signe still butts heads
with her mother, Karin.
It’s that combination of familiar characters
and recognizable personalities that draws theatergoers to each new production of Church Basement
Ladies, says Jacobs. “Everybody in the audience
knows these people. They have these archetypal
categories, and they identify: ‘Oh, I know a Vivian,’ whether it’s in their church or their work.
It’s fun to come back and see them in this great
atmosphere with fun songs.”
Sciarrio says that the songs are especially festive in this holiday production. When it comes to
message and style, the titles alone hint at what’s
in store: “Whatsoever You Doo-Wop,” “Just Not
Mary Material,” “Reindeer Rendezvous,” as well
as the closing number, a traditional Norwegian
song called “Jeg er så Glad.”
“There’s a big message about being a kid
again at Christmas and enjoying the season,” says
Jacobs.
“And remembering others who are less
fortunate,” adds Doyle-Lipe. “There’s all kinds
of beautiful messages in the show, but I just want
audiences to walk out happier than when they
walked in.” 
Away in the Basement • Dec. 19-Jan. 5: WedSat, 7:30 pm; Sun, 2 pm • $28 ($20 senior/
military, $12 student) • Interplayers • 174 S.
Howard • 455-7529 • interplayerstheatre.org

he Hansens were looking forward to their first
apple crop at their Green Bluff orchard after
they planted their trees 27 years ago. But a June
hailstorm hit hard and ruined the crop.
“We were looking at the apples like, ‘What are we
going to do?’” Karen Hansen says.
A neighbor loaned them an old wooden press after
hearing about their damaged apples. Then a church
youth group came, helped turn the apples into apple
cider and sold it at the church. The Hansens never
planned on making apple cider before this happened; it
wasn’t even on their minds, Karen says.

46 INLANDER DECEMBER 19, 2013

“That’s how cider was born here: out of a bad apple
year,” she says.
Some of those same people who helped the first year
still make cider with the Hansens. Karen and Rod Hansen’s oldest son Derrick points to the wood wall behind
the red steel press they now use, where names of people
who helped at each pressing over the years and how
much was produced are scrawled in black marker.
Pressing starts in late August every year. Each batch
yields about 200 gallons of cider from about 120 boxes of
a blend of different apple types.
“You need a variety of apples to get that nice flavor,”

SARAH WURTZ PHOTOS

Derrick says.
The apples are fed through a hopper and ground like
coleslaw into large barrels. Then the barrels go under the
press and 1,500 pounds of pressure pushes the juice out
of the apples into a large holding container. The Hansens
pasteurize their cider before bottling it.
Nothing needs to be added to it, like water or sugar.
Except that the Hansens make two flavored ciders: a
grape-apple cider made with patriot grapes and a cherryapple cider.

F

or most people, apple cider cravings usually
coincide with yuletide vibes — sitting under the
glow cast by Christmas tree lights, sipping a mug of
steaming cider. But cider actually is made in the fall.
One of the major factors in getting good cider is to
press the apples within a couple days of picking them
from the trees, Karen says. By now, Hansen’s Green Bluff
Orchard has already sold out of the cider they pressed in
the fall.
“It is a terribly popular product,” Derrick says. “I
don’t mean to brag, but we can’t make enough.”

The Hansens suggest buying cider in late fall, freezing it and
thawing it out for Christmas. Just take a cup or so out of the jug
because it will expand, but it freezes well for up to a year, Karen
says.
Other Green Bluff farms — like Cherry Shack, Harvest House
and Walter’s Fruit Ranch — press their own cider too. The Cherry
Shack has sold out as well, but if you wanted some farm-made
apple cider for the holiday, there’s still hope. The Harvest House
has some frozen, and Walter’s is still pressing and selling cider
until Dec. 23 and will sell it frozen year-round.
You also can take a do-it-yourself approach and make your
own cider. If you don’t have a press, you could steam the juice out
of the apples in a large pot. The flavor will be different, though,
because it’s cooked.
Once you have your cider, there are numerous ways to flavor
it and even cook with it. The Hansens put together spice packets
that go with their cider: a mixture of brown sugar, cinnamon
sticks, Red Hots and cloves. Adding cinnamon schnapps or rum
(like Captain Morgan) tastes good, too, and you can use cherry-

The Hansens — Rod, Karen, and Derrick Hansen, from left — have
been growing apples on Green Bluff for three decades.
apple cider to baste on ribs or turkey, Derrick says.
Mark and Arlene Morrell of Walter’s Fruit Ranch use apple
cider to make sugar-free apple butter. Cider works nicely for
replacing sugar in sugar-free recipes, Arlene says.
You can also satisfy your apple cider hankering in downtown
Spokane.
The Kitchen Engine sells apple cider mulling spices in premeasured jars, with a blend of cloves, allspice and orange zest.
If you want to try a dish cooked with apple cider, Herbal Essence makes bacon-and-date-stuffed pork loin with apple cider and
thyme glaze.
“Traditionally, pork and apples go together,” says chef owner
Ryan Morales. The pork has pieces of apple mixed with cinnamon and nutmeg.
Alison Collins, owner of Boots Bakery and Lounge, currently
makes apples and pears stuffed with dried fruit, oats and brown
sugar, baked in apple cider. Boots also serves organic hot apple
cider. People like to get it with fresh orange zest and cinnamon,
with steamed milk or in chai, Collins says. Or try their boozy hot
apple cider with spiked brandy, ginger liqueur, fresh lemon and a
cinnamon stick. n

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YOUR HOME OR OFFICE HOLIDAY PARTIES
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Merry Christmas and Happy New Year
from the Henderson family to yours!

Chairs’ new location is a coffee shop in the morning and bar in the evening. SARAH WURTZ PHOTO

Everything for Everybody
Chairs Public House welcomes the community for
early-morning coffee, late-night drinks and lots in between
BY LISA WAANANEN

“W

hen are you going to open?”
That’s the question the owners
of Chairs Coffee got constantly
after choosing a second location near Gonzaga
last February.
So even though the new Chairs Public House
is still technically in its soft opening phase — a
grand opening is planned for January — it’s not
a surprise that tables have been filled since the
day the doors were unlocked. Gonzaga students
crowd around tables with piles of books, while
parents chat over Roast House coffee. Even members of the city council have stopped in.
The original Chairs Coffee on Indiana Avenue has become a popular hangout in the three
years since it opened, and the new location has
the same comfortable atmosphere. But it’s more
than a coffee shop — Chairs Public House boasts
a full bar, and the recessed ceiling lights are
dimmed for the evening crowd. It opens at 6 am
for early-morning coffee, and doesn’t close until
2 am. (Those under 21 are allowed until 10 pm;
the original Chairs now closes at 4 pm.)
The idea is to offer as much as possible under
one roof, says Chris Nichols, a co-owner with
Mitchell Moczulski and Scott Wilburn. Nichols
likens it to the way technology has merged so it’s
possible to have a phone, camera and computer
all in one gadget.
“That’s what we’re trying to do with this

business,” he says. “It’s like the iPhone of the
restaurant community.”
Some people who stop in remember drinking
there back when the building was home to the
Bulldog for more than 60 years. One of the best
parts so far, Nichols says, is when those visitors
first step inside and see the renovated space as
something entirely new, not just a version of
what it used to be.
The menu includes most popular items from
Chairs Coffee, like the Chair sandwich with
roasted turkey, provolone, lettuce and pesto aioli
($8). The burgers, salads and flatbreads come
with distinctive touches like ciabatta buns and
sweet potato fries, and the avocado fries ($8)
have been a hit so far. The breakfast menu —
featuring items like a breakfast burrito ($6) and
a paleo waffle made with ripe banana ($5) — is
served all day.
There’s no lack of ideas or hesitation about
trying them. Karaoke and trivia are in the works,
as are plans for art, philanthropy and collaborations with other businesses in the area. And, they
say, feedback is always welcome.
“We want to see what the community wants,”
Nichols says. n
Chairs Public House • 1305 N. Hamilton • 6
am-2 am (21+ after 10 pm) • 381-0909 • chairspublichouse.com

We hand pick every wine we sell,

So all you have to think about is drinking it.

Tastings and Events

OUR GUARANTEE:

Drop-in tastings every Fri & Sat
• Wine & Food Tour of Italy - April

If you don't like it, bring
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• Wine

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Our locally made dip is available at Rosauers,Yoke’s Fresh Markets,
Trading Company and the Super 1 Foods on 29th Avenue.
CliffCannonFoods.com

48 INLANDER DECEMBER 19, 2013

LOCAL Since 1995.

222 south washington street • Spokane • 509.838.1229

Build It
Noble Roman’s offers take-andbake pizza and the power to ask for
exactly what you want
BY JO MILLER

Y

ou pick up a piping hot pizza and start to
drive home. But en route it cools down and
the cheese starts to coagulate.
“The time it gets from being nice and hot to
being leftover pizza is just a few minutes,” John
Johnson says.
That’s why people are drawn to take-and-bake
pizza. People want hot pizza, and it won’t be that
way unless you pull it out of your own oven and sit
on your couch to eat it, he says.
Last month Johnson opened a North Spokane
location of Noble Roman’s Take-n-Bake Pizza, a
franchise based in Indianapolis. It’s located at the
Safeway shopping center, in the small building
facing Hawthorne Road that used to house Keva
Juice, then long stood empty.
Being a take-and-bake place means you get to
eat your pizza hot. And at Noble Roman’s, it also
means you get to direct what goes on your pizza.
It’s the Subway concept of seeing it and getting
what you want, Johnson says.

At other pizza places you usually can’t see
what’s happening to your pizza before it’s baked.
But at Noble Roman’s, you watch them assemble
it; you can, for example, ask for a few more olives.
“It’s easier for people to speak up and say how
they really want their food,” Johnson says.
Here’s the kicker: None of the toppings cost
extra.
If you get a plain cheese pizza or a 12-topping
pizza, it doesn’t matter, they’re the same price, he
says.
Both a large traditional-crust and thin-crust
pizza cost $10.99, and a large deep-dish is $12.99.
You can also get a medium traditional-crust for
$8.99.
Build your pizza by choosing one of three
sauces — traditional red sauce, barbecue or Alfredo
— and picking toppings that range from spinach,
jalapenos and pineapple to ham, grilled chicken,
pepperoni and sausage. Or pick a recommended
option off the menu, like the Big Daddy BBQ
made with barbeque sauce and cheddar cheese,
topped with sausage, bacon and ham.
Noble Roman’s also has other pizza accompaniers like salad kits, breadsticks and 7-inch cinnamon pizzas. 
Noble Roman’s • 10220 N. Newport Hwy. •
Open Mon-Sun, 11 am-9 pm • 464-4862 • freshpza.com

* offers cannot be combined. Limited time offer. Call for details. Ad must be presented at time of new patient consultation. All offers expire 12/31/13

Call Today!
509.838.2836
Dr. Clay Karlson

9506 N. Newport Hwy
Suite B | Spokane

225 E. 3rd Ave., Spokane, WA

DECEMBER 19, 2013 INLANDER 49

Perms and Passion
David O. Russell makes a near-perfect crime film with American Hustle
BY MARYANN JOHANSON

T

here are things that made me gasp and marvel
at David O. Russell’s audacity in American Hustle.
He’s tweaking Martin Scorsese, the master of
a genre I don’t know what to call. Crime drama, sure,
but it’s more specific: Epic ensemble historical crime
dramedy. Narrower still: Epic ensemble historical crime
dramedy bursting with insanely engaging characters
who are impossibly real, impossibly ridiculous, whose
stories you don’t ever want to end. It was a genre of one
before now: GoodFellas is a rare perfect movie, and it’s
one of my favorites.
Now there’s American Hustle, also perfect, also instantly a favorite of mine. I can’t wait to see it again.
Nobody here is particularly likable. Christian Bale
and Amy Adams’ con team are criminals who prey on
desperate people and get off on it. Jennifer Lawrence
is Bale’s manipulative, passive-aggressive wife. Bradley
Cooper is an FBI agent with more balls than brains
(and he’s got plenty of brains). But they’re all utterly
fascinating — like a 50-car pileup on the highway. The
magnificent ensemble embody them and their absurd
quirks — almost all revolving around scary 1970s
fashion and hairstyles — with a gusto that’s close to terrifying in the most deliciously entertaining way. Russell’s
script (with Eric Warren Singer) sets them upon one

50 INLANDER DECEMBER 19, 2013

another, doing some very precise damage to abundant,
towering ambition, worthy of a game of Jenga, leads
exposed weaknesses and anxieties. The first such
them into bigger plots designed to bring down evermoment comes mere minutes into the film, something
more-powerful men — from mayors to mob kingpins to
targeted so hilariously by one vain man at another vain
D.C. politicians — with ever-increasing, multimillionman’s insecurities, it ripped a snort of deranged laughter
dollar amounts at stake. It gets intriguingly tricky when
from me.
Jeremy Renner as Joe Pesci as Carmine Polito, mayor
Hustle does that a lot. Everything here is perfectly
of Camden, N.J., gets caught in DiMaso’s snare. Polito,
modulated for humor, pathos and
who wants to rebuild Atlantic City
acrimony, all at once. Though it takes
as a jobs-creating, economy-boosting
AMERICAN HUSTLE
place in the late ’70s — the fictional story
measure, just needs investors... which
Rated R
is set among a real FBI operation from
invariably will involve the mafia. But
Directed by David O. Russell
the era — the push-and-pull Russell sets
is Polito a bad guy? Does he deserve
Starring Christian Bale, Amy Adams,
up between the everyday scratching out
to be the target of an FBI sting? Irving
Jennifer Lawrence, Bradley Cooper
of mere survival and the desire for life to
isn’t so sure.
be something grander and more exciting
“Some of this actually happened,”
feels very much of the now. Irving Rosenfeld (Bale) and
we are informed as the film opens. Hustle‘s genius is
his “genius” — and she is — partner Sydney Prosser (Adthat it leads us to a point where we realize it’s happenams) just want to get by; they kept their cons small and
ing all the time, in a grimy, spiritual sense. “We’re all
under the radar. When they accidentally try to con the
conning ourselves,” Irving informs us in voice-over early
wrong guy in undercover agent Richie DiMaso (Cooin the film, while we’re still scoffing at how ridiculous
per), he convinces them to work with him to pull off a
he is, and how we couldn’t possibly be like him. But
series of stings in exchange for staying out of prison.
the multiple layers of self-delusion at play among all the
Hustle is full of awesome ‘70s rock, lapels wide
characters, and the events that carry them along in spite
enough to put someone’s eye out and terrible perms.
of their best intentions otherwise? That’s something we
And it’s about Irving’s increasing dismay, as Richie’s
can all see in ourselves, if we’re honest. 

FILM | SHORTS

OTHER OPENING FILMS
AMERICAN HUSTLE

Coming off the splendid Silver Linings
Playbook, director David O. Russell is
back, bringing the stars of that film,
Jennifer Lawrence and Bradley Cooper,
along. This time, the subject matter is
a little more intense: He takes us back
to the glittery 1970s for a crime drama
about a group of corrupt politicians living the high life in New Jersey. Soon most
of the cast is tangled in the web of the
mafia as some become FBI informants.
It sounds like a lot of other mafia flicks,
but take a look at the fabulous costume
designs and the fact that Cooper sports a
perm, and you’ve got something special
here. (MB) Rated R

ANCHORMAN 2:
THE LEGEND CONTINUES

In their 2004 masterpiece Anchorman,
Adam McKay and Will Ferrell captivated
audiences and critics with his uncompromising profile of legendary San
Diego anchorman Ron Burgundy. He
brought his lens to bear not just on the
cutthroat atmosphere of internal and
external news rivalries, but on the entire
1970s zeitgeist — gender equality, male
ego, animal cruelty and even, through a
simple but wise weathercaster, mental
illness. Anchorman 2 leaps forward into
the next decade, where an older, presumably wiser Burgundy must reckon
with the dialectical tensions inherent to
class, race, sexual ethics and death itself.
Also, scotchy scotch scotch. (DW) PG-13

BETTIE PAGE REVEALS ALL

This documentary brings us back to the
early days of the sexual revolution when
the image of America’s top pin-up model, Bettie Page, was driving men bonkers.
Her sexuality drove the powers that be
crazy, but at the same time she was becoming more and more popular. Then,
Page just vanished. Director Mark Mori
pieces together the Bettie Page story,
including what she did in her later years.
The best part of it all — the film is narrated by Bettie Page herself. (MB) Rated R.

INSIDE LLEWYN DAVIS

Joel and Ethan Coen, following their own
footsteps of filling a film with music, as
they did in O Brother, Where Art Thou?,
this time take on the early ’60s Greenwich Village folk scene. The title character (Oscar Isaac) is a multi-talented folkie
who has no people skills and is likely
ahead of his time. The people around him
seem to cause nothing but crises, but the
determined Llewyn sings on, against all
odds. Not always a good idea in a Coen
Brothers film. This is funny, sad, and
snarky, with dark turns to boot, and a
terrific acoustic soundtrack. (ES) Rated R

SAVING MR. BANKS

Walt Disney (Tom Hanks) has a 20-year
promise hanging over his head. After
his daughters ask for their beloved Mary
Poppins to be turned into a movie, Disney begins a quest to gain the rights from
stubborn P.L Travers (Emma Thompson.)
Refusing him time and time again for fear
of her classic becoming commercialized,
Walt has a two-week window where she
will listen to his proposal, and hopefully
let him make his movie. Telling the story
of how once again Walt Disney made
magic, as well as where the famous Poppins originated from, this film ironically
Disney-ifies the truth of the story, giving
it an unnecessary happy ending. (ER)
PG-13

WALKING WITH DINOSAURS

More advanced than the animation in
Land Before Time but just as heartwarming, Walking with Dinosaurs, set in the
late Cretaceous period more than 70 million years ago, follows three dinos — Patchi, Scowler, and Juniper — as they transition out of childhood into adulthood
and lead their herd in migrating. Based
on the BBC series of the same name, the
film features more than 10 different types
of computer-animated dinosaurs in liveaction settings similar to the conditions
the creatures were exposed to during the
period. The movie, set to be released in
3D, is incredibly visually appealing and
spectacularly produced. (KS) PG

NOW PLAYING
12 YEARS A SLAVE

Based on his autobiography, this film tells
the story of Solomon Northup, the free
man turned slave in pre-Civil War U.S. It’s
a heart wrenchingly amazing story about
a man conned into slavery despite being
a free citizen and his desperate fight for
freedom. Chitewel Ejiofor finally gets center
stage, but the film also features an all-star
cast including Brad Pitt and Paul Giamatti.
Definitely a powerfully artsy take on an old
subject. (KS) Rated R

ALL IS LOST

We never learn the name of the grizzled
yachtsman (Robert Redford) whose eightday fight to survive on the open sea is
chronicled in J.C. Chandor’s magnificently
primal All Is Lost. After all, how in the world
are we supposed to sympathize with our
soggy protagonist if we don’t know details
about a rift with his daughter, or a childhood trauma he needs to overcome, or even
why he’s sailing alone in the middle of nowhere? At Magic Lantern (SR) Rated PG-13

THE ARMSTRONG LIE

Few athletes have accomplished the sort of
career faceplant performed by Lance Armstrong over the course of the past decade.
The Texan went from winning seven consecutive Tour de Frances, convincing most of
America to wear yellow rubber bracelets for
a cause they didn’t necessarily understand,
to essentially becoming Voldemort on a bicycle. Director Alex Gibney began following
Armstrong in 2008 when he was mounting
a comeback and got rare access. Along the
way, Armstrong tells lie after lie about his
performance-enhancing drug use, fooling a
public that — as Gibney points out — may
have wanted to be fooled all along. (MB) R

BLUE IS THE WARMEST COLOR

At 15, Adèle (Adèle Exarchopoulos) is hungry for something more. Her voracious appetite mirrors an emptiness in her heart as
she desperately craves a first love that is
unfulfilled by handsome male classmates.
Falling in with older, blue haired Emma (Léa
...continued on next page

BETH EARNED HER

degree
IN OUR EVENING
PROGRAM.

THEN EARNED A

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When Beth Vercic-Scott wanted to add a
new chapter to her career, she enrolled in
Whitworth’s evening program to earn
her B.A. in Organizational Management.
“I wouldn’t be in my current position as a
physician recruiter at Rockwood Health
Systems without my Whitworth bachelor’s
degree,” Beth says. With a convenient
evening schedule that let her continue to
work during the day, it was a perfect
way for Beth to take the next step.
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step? Contact us today.

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52 INLANDER DECEMBER 19, 2013

FILM
FILM||SHORTS
SHORTS

NOW PLAYING
Seydoux) is as easy as breathing, as the film
chronicles their decade together. Intense
and complicated as first love often is, Adèle
finds herself lost in Abdel Kechiche’s epic
three-hour drama about the tragedies and
triumphs of romance. At Magic Lantern.
(ER) NC-17

THE BOOK THIEF

When the Markus Zusak bestseller The
Book Thief came on the scene in 2005, it
was only a matter of time before a movie
studio gobbled it up. Told from the perspective of the young girl Liesel (Sophie Nélisse)
who goes to live with a foster family during
WWII (Emily Watson, Geoffrey Rush), the
film depicts one family’s fight to stand up
against the Nazis. (LJ) Rated PG-13

CAPTAIN PHILLIPS

The true story of the Vermont cargo ship
captain who delivers food and water to Africa, and whose ship is hijacked by Somali
pirates is both a nail-biter and a fascinating character study, mostly centering on
the relationship between the cool, calm
captain (Tom Hanks) and the determined
but unsure pirate leader Muse (newcomer
Barkhad Abdi). The adventure parts are
thrilling, the attack and takeover is unnerving, the lifeboat sequences are claustrophobic. (ES) Rated PG-13

all the names in this fantasy flick based on
the Tolkien classic. (Smaug? Biblo? Erebor?
Come on, now.) This second chunk features
the majority of the action as Biblo Baggins
(Martin Freeman) journeys with Wizard
Gandalf (Ian McKellan) and 13 dwarves to
save the dwarf kingdom of Erebor. Biblo has
a magical ring, and we finally get to see our
favorite Sherlock (Benedict Cumberbatch)
voice the dragon. (ER) PG-13

KILL YOUR DARLINGS

Philomena Lee, an elderly British woman,
confides in her daughter that she gave birth
to a son in Ireland 50 years earlier. Unwed
at the time, she was forced to give him up
for adoption. Martin, a former government
adviser and journalist out of a job, is looking for a story idea to bring to his editor. At
a party, he hears of Philomena. Together,
he and Philomena investigate the life of
her lost son and find themselves exploring
America looking for answers. (KS) Rated R

NEBRASKA

After the events of The Avengers, Thor
(Chris Hemsworth) battles and brings peace
to the ethereal nine realms. Back on Earth,
his love, astrophysicist Jane Foster (Natalie
Portman), waits and continues to research
with her quip-happy assistant Darcy Lewis
(Kat Dennings). Unfortunately, the nine
realms are coming into alignment for the
first time in millennia, causing invisible
interdimensional portals to appear, threatening to destroy the universe. (SS) Rated
PG-13

If you needed evidence that Daniel Radcliffe could survive a decade as Harry Potter you should really check out the actor as
legendary poet Allen Ginsberg in this film
about the early days of the beat movement.
Here, we see Ginsberg, Jack Kerouac (Jack
Huston) and William Burroughs brought
together by the murder of David Kammerer
by a mutual friend. It’s a seminal moment
in American literature, but one most people
haven’t heard of. At Magic Lantern (MB)
Rated R

DALLAS BUYERS CLUB

Finding a Publishers Clearing House envelope stating that he’s won a million bucks,
Woody Grant, a reckless, lonely boozer
played by 77-year-old Bruce Dern, heads
out from Montana to Nebraska to claim his
fortune. He takes along his skeptical son
(a post-SNL Will Forte), who’s humoring
him, as Woody tells everyone he knows
that he’s become a millionaire, gathering
clingy new money-hungry friends along the
way. Payne (Sideways, The Descendants,
Election) shot the film in black and white,
adding its already present sense of despair.
(MB) R

ENOUGH SAID

Can two brothers be any more different?
Good boy Russell (Christian Bale), resigned
to working in a small-town mill, tries to
keep a protective eye on his loose cannon
younger brother Rodney (Casey Affleck)
and Iraq war vet who would rather pummel
opponents in bare-knuckle street fights to
pay off his debts than get a job. Willem Dafoe plays a good-hearted bad guy, Woody
Harrelson plays a purely evil one, everyone
owes everyone else big money, brutal violence is an everyday thing, vengeance and/
or revenge is on the minds of many. It’s a
nasty little movie with fine acting and a lot
of promise, but without the writing and directing expertise to pull it off. (ES) Rated R

It’s 1985, and Ron Woodroof (Matthew McConaughey), an occasional bull-rider and
full time electrician, lives his life between
the sheets of stranger’s beds on a noxious
combination of alcohol and cocaine, sheltered in a haze of his own homophobic,
red-neck stereotype. When he’s diagnosed
with HIV Woodroof decides to live anyway.
Across the border, he discovers drugs that
could prolong lives of HIV victims but that
are not FDA approved. Smuggling them
across the border, and teaming up with
transvestite Rayon (Jared Leto,) the two
work to sell drugs to a community that is
quickly dying off. (ER) Rated R
Eva (Julia Louis-Dreyfus), a divorcee, is facing the possibility of an empty nest, as her
daughter goes off to college. As she bonds
with similarly situated Albert (James Gandolfini) and the two click, it seems like the
perfect romance. Eva also befriends Marianne (Catherine Keener), whose only flaw
is her tendency to rag on and on about her
ex-husband. (ER) Rated R

FROZEN

Frozen is a princess story; Disney is doubling
down on the princesses — there’s two of
’em here. But Disney is also doubling down
on the hints of nascent feminism Brave
hinted at, the sort of bare-bones feminism
which accepts that girls and women might
possibly want more out of life than to get
married. The princesses are sisters — the elder Elsa (the voice of Idina Menzel) and the
younger Anna (the voice of Kristen Bell) —
and this is mostly the story of their troubled
relationship because Elsa is known to turn
things into ice with her magical powers.
(MJ) Rated PG

THE HOBBIT: THE DESOLATION
OF SMOG

Splitting up a novel into three movies might
seem like a bad idea, but most audience
members will be still trying to keep track of

PHILOMENA

OUT OF THE FURNACE

THOR: THE DARK WORLD

TYLER PERRY
MADEA CHRISTMAS

Tyler Perry’s Madea takes on Christmas
when she is asked by her niece Eileen (Anna
Maria Horsford) to spend the holiday in her
daughter Lacey’s small town. Lacey (Tika
Sumpter) is afraid that her mother will resent her decision to secretly marry a white
boy (Eric Connor) and, instead of confessing the marriage, tells her that Connor is
just a simple farmhand. When the farmhand’s folks come to visit, comedic misunderstandings follow, as Madea attempts to
clear things up with advice and her usual
threats of violence. After all, nothing says
“Christmas” like falling into cow poop and
threatening to strangle someone repeatedly. (ER) PG-13

WADJDA

Directed and written by Haifaa Al-Mansour,
the first ever Saudi Arabian female filmmaker, this film gives us the life of rebellious
Wadjda (Waad Mohammed) who discovers
a bicycle in a store that she must have. Her
mother, preoccupied with the fact that her
husband may take on a second wife, dismisses the notion. Precocious Wadjda refuses to give up, though, and begins to earn
money using her wits and entrepreneurship
skills. At Magic Lantern. (ER) Rated PG 

Oscar Isaac is stunning as the titular character in the Coen Brothers’ latest.

The Coen Brothers strike again with Inside Llewyn Davis
wo different camps of audiences are
difficult as he is. Some of the film’s best, most
going to be very happy with the newest
uncomfortable moments are when he’s being beCoen Brothers film: Coen Brothers fans
rated by another hopeful singer, the hot-tempered
and folk music fans. The Coens’ dark, funny,
Jean (Carey Mulligan, with whom Isaac shared
sad, snarky take on the Greenwich Village acoussome great scenes in Drive). Isaac also has some
tic scene is set in the early 1960s, right on the
terrific one-on-one screen time when the plot
cusp of when the so-called folk music revival was
pulls Llewyn out on a road trip, accompanied
about to catch on. Lots of people were playing
by Coens regular John Goodman as a strung-out
their guitars and singing traditional and original
jazz hipster. That well-played part of the film
songs, but no one was really paying the rent.
removes us from the mood set in New York, and
Including Llewyn Davis (Oscar Isaac),
unfortunately doesn’t return to it fast enough,
a scruffy fellow who knows his way around
but it does give us an all-too-rare encounter with
fingerpicking and has a beautiful voice to go
F. Murray Abraham as a strictly-business club
with his usually moving songs,
owner.
but no appreciable social skills.
The other best moments, and
INSIDE LLEWYN DAVIS
Llewyn’s the kind of guy who
there are plenty of them, involve
Rated R
can bring tears to your eyes
Written and directed by Joel Coen and music, all performed live by the
when he’s onstage and make
actors. It’s no surprise that Justin
Ethan Coen
you want to strangle him when
Timberlake knows what to do
Starring Oscar Isaac, Carey Mulligan,
he’s off, when he’s had too
with a guitar and a folk song, but
Justin Timberlake, John Goodman
much to drink and needs to
the music we get from both Mulcrash, again, on your couch.
ligan and Adam Driver (check out his “vocalizaThe Coens have based him, very loosely, on
tions” on the goofy “Please Mr. Kennedy”) are
Dave Van Ronk, a wonderful performer who like
some of the film’s best surprises. Which leads us
Llewyn was just a bit ahead of his time; although
to Isaac, who’s been singing and playing guitar
well known in folk circles, he probably would
since he was 12, and proves what he can do here.
have been much bigger if Dylan had paved the
His riveting nod to Van Ronk on “Green Green
way for him, instead of the other way around.
Rocky Road” will cover the price of your ticket.
The Coens have littered Llewyn’s life with
If you stay for the end credits, you even get to
problems and crises and people who are as
hear Van Ronk sing it. 

One of Spokane’s most powerful singers is a woman serving you drinks
BY LEAH SOTTILE

I

t’s a Friday night, and people are getting drunk. The
bar is producing rounds of shots in the dozens. Every
table is packed. It’s the kind of night when big groups
of friends grab each other by the shoulders when the
speakers emit their favorite songs, sloppily yelling the
lyrics as their beers slosh to the floor.
Most nights, groups of friends come here — a working class South Hill bar called Studio K — to get liquored
up enough to belt out Journey and Dixie Chicks and
Bon Jovi in the karaoke room and not care what anyone

else thinks. Tonight, a crowd of about 15 people huddle
around two microphones and shout the B-52s’ “Love
Shack” horribly. But nobody’s really listening. Everyone’s
just worried that their name will be called next.
So no one seems to notice when the cocktail waitress steps up to the microphone. She’s a pretty, blonde
46-year-old named Janice, but everyone here calls her
J.J. She works the weekend shift and calls her customers
“sweetie” when she hands them their drinks. Standing on
the karaoke stage, she nervously fidgets with the micro-

phone as she waits for her song to start.
When it does, out of this woman comes a voice like a
thunderclap. She belts out “Chain of Fools” like she was
taught how to sing it by Aretha Franklin herself.
The place comes alive. People jump out of their seats
and start dancing and clapping along. Two women grab
each other’s hands and run onto the dance floor, twisting as they sing. When she finishes, the place erupts in
applause. One of the “Love Shack” guys hops up, grabs
...continued on next page

DECEMBER 19, 2013 INLANDER 55

MUSIC | PROFILES
“THE VOICE,” CONTINUED...
her by her shoulders and says, “I feel like I want to ask for your
autograph!”
She just smiles, collects her tray, heads to the bar and grabs
her next round of orders.

I

f you blink too hard, you could miss Studio K. Maybe that’s
why the owners decided to paint it yellow — to yell out to the
busy thoroughfare that their tiny strip-mall bar was there. It’s
an unassuming place, overshadowed by three grocery stores, a pet
store, a constant snarl of traffic and the greasy aroma of nearby
drive-throughs.
It’s where J.J. White got her first bartending job at 21, where
she came back to nine years ago to tend bar and serve drinks.
And when there’s a lull in the karaoke lineup, it’s where she’ll step
up to the microphone and let that big voice of hers out for a few
minutes.
White doesn’t sing much otherwise. She was in a blues band
once, but that didn’t work out. Music was one of her first loves.
Not demure, sweet songs, but big, powerful ones sung by women
who meant it. She’ll admit there was a time when she was young
when she thought her voice might make her famous.
“But then you know, I had kids. Got married, had kids.
Became a single parent. So all of my needs kind of got put on the
back burner for awhile,” she says.
She can’t complain, she says. She loves everything about her
life.
“You know, things change,” she says. “I don’t know, somewhere in the back of my mind, it would be cool to have just a
one-hit wonder somewhere, you know?”
Customers come into Studio K all the time and try to give her
tips to sing. She’ll make them stick the cash in the bar’s Toys for
Tots collection bin.
People beg her to go on The Voice: “First of all, I would never
know even how to do that. And, I don’t know. I’d probably be
way too scared. You can ask my boss. Sometimes, I get done singing karaoke, I’ll be shaking so bad.”
But deep inside, she loves how she feels when she sings.
“Sometimes when I’m singing and I’ll just close my eyes, and
I won’t even be concerned if I can hit the note or not. I just let it
out. And I figure if it’s gonna happen, it’s gonna happen. And if it
doesn’t, it doesn’t. Bear with me. And for the most part, it always
has.”
Even more than the way it makes her feel inside, she loves
what it does to people. The realist inside of her — the practical one
who scraped together meals from empty cupboards, the single
parent, the one who works the closing shift at the bar and is in
school by 7:30 the next morning — is still a little surprised when
someone likes how she sings. When they ask for her autograph,
or when they find the one CD her old blues band ever made, she
can’t help but laugh.
“I did have one of my customers say he was at a yard sale …
and he found the cover of [my] CD. The CD wasn’t inside,” she
says, giggling. “I was like ‘Yay! I made it to a yard sale.’” n

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56 INLANDER DECEMBER 19, 2013

December 27th, 28th
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BY LAURA JOHNSON
They’ve been practicing since October, attempting to perfect
own realms of life; just looking for something different.”
every chord, every lyric from songs off In Utero, Nirvana’s final
The show made him believe he was capable of creating music
album. No amount of playing is going to bring him back. But that
again. After an eight-year absence, Nielsen, then 29, picked up his
doesn’t mean Nukevana shouldn’t pay homage to singer/guitarist
guitar and got back to writing songs.
Kurt Cobain’s legacy by performing his music at three different
For Wenning, who was still in junior high when Cobain died,
venues on three nights this week.
Nirvana was her first rock crush. She grew up listening to classical
A converging of Mike Nielsen’s project Nuke Venus, which
music and contemporary Christian; the band showed her there was
for this series of shows includes his adult son Nick, and Moriah
more.
Wenning, whose solo moniker is Gardening Angel, Nukevana is
“Our show is not just going to be a tribute to Nirvana,” Nielsen
a one-time-only tribute act not afraid to let
says. “It’s a tribute to a loss of people.”
things get contemplative.
He’s referring to his ex-wife and his Nuke
“We are going for a wake kind of feel
Venus
lead singer, both of whom committed
Email getlisted@inlander.com to get your event
with this,” says Mike in his sparse Sposuicide, and also Wenning’s mother, who died a
listed in the paper and online. We need the
kane Valley living room where the group
few years ago.
details one week prior to our publication date.
is practicing. “That’s why we’re playing a
“When my mother passed, instead of a
much more turned-down set, with no bass or
funeral we had a jam session,” Wenning says.
drums.”
This is how the trio hopes to remember Cobain — nearly 20
They’ve come together to remember a band that deeply imyears after he killed himself, 20 years after In Utero was released, 20
pacted them: Nielsen on electric guitar, Nick on acoustic guitar and
years after Nielsen saw Nirvana perform live — by playing music,
vocals, and Wenning, who Nielsen describes as sounding like what
even if it can’t bring him, or anyone else, back. 
would happen if Cat Power took on Cobain.
lauraj@inlander.com
One of Nielsen’s greatest memories came in December 1993,
when he saw Nirvana perform at the Great Western Forum in IngleNukevana (Nirvana tribute band) with Nuke Venus, Gardenwood, Calif. It was the first and last time he would see the band; a
ing Angel, Lust for Glory, Jared Munson (comedian), Jordan
little more than three months later, Cobain committed suicide.
Collins, Jona Gallegos • Thu, Dec. 19, at 7 pm • The Hop! (all“It was the most important show of my life,” Nielsen recalls.
ages) • Fri, Dec. 20, at 7 pm • Carr’s Corner • Sat, Dec. 21, at 7
“The energy, the feeling in the place. We were all loners from our
pm • Jones Radiator • $5 per night

at Irv’s 9pm-2am

KARAOKE W/ MATTY

at Irv’s 8pm-2am

WED

Nearly 20 years after Nirvana’s demise, local musicians
pay tribute to a loss they’re still grappling with

BARS OF

OPEN @ NOON on
CHRISTMAS

NEW YEAR’S EVE

MON & TUES

SAT

Remembering Kurt

Nirvana will be remembered this weekend at three different shows put on by tribute act, Nukevana.

ike many bands these days that sing
about, or are inspired by, Jesus, Garage
Voice would not classify themselves as
a Christian band. Instead, the three-piece is a
rock ‘n’ roll band that also creates gospel music.
At the core of the Seattle group’s sound is a
Hammond organ and an especially reverberating
guitar. On Garage Voice’s recent album Amenin,
things go from an upbeat, almost-Motown feel
to something more ambient, building layers
of sound. Most of the songs last about two
minutes, giving you just the right amount of
flavor before switching to the next track. This is
the kind of music that isn’t afraid to be spiritual
while rocking hard.
— LAURA JOHNSON
Garage Voice with Scott Ryan • Sat, Dec. 21,
at 8 pm • The Bartlett • 228 W. Sprague • $8 •
All-ages • thebartlettspokane.com

RICO’S, WSU School of Music Jazz
Band
THE ROCK BAR AND LOUNGE (4433796), Open mic with Frank Clark
SPLASH, Bill Bozly
THE VAULT SOCIAL CLUB AND
EATERY, DJ Q
ZOLA, Dan Conrad and the Urban
Achievers

Wednesday,
12/25

BEVERLY’S, Robert Vaughn
CARR’S CORNER, DJ WesOne
 CHAPS, Land of Voices with Dirk
Swartz
IRV’S, DJ Prophesy
LA ROSA CLUB, Jazz Jam with the
Bob Beadling Group
 THE PHAT HOUSE, Be Open Mic
with Mike Bethely
RICO’S, WSU School of Music Jazz
Band
SOULFUL SOUPS AND SPIRITS, Open
mic
SUKI YAKI INN (624-0022), One Man
Train Wreck
THE VAULT SOCIAL CLUB AND
EATERY, DJs Freaky Fred and MC
Squared
ZOLA, The Bucket List

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Getting into the Christmas season means watching the Christmas classics. Opportunity knocks in the form of a Christmasthemed film festival at the IMAX Theater in Riverfront Park,
and it’s for a good cause. Admission is free, but filmgoers are
asked to donate one non-perishable food item to go to the
Second Harvest Food Bank, which experiences high demand
for its services this time of year. Films being screened daily
are Elf (3 pm), Disney’s version of A Christmas Carol (1 pm),
How the Grinch Stole Christmas (5 pm) and Arthur Christmas
(11 am), an account of how Santa really gets around the world
in one night. Seating is first come, first served, but be sure to
bring the whole family. Also of note — films aren’t shown in
the IMAX format.
— EMERA L. RILEY
Riverfront Park Holiday Film Festival • Dec. 21-24 and Dec.
26-29 • Free with food bank donation • Riverfront Park • 705
N. Howard • spokaneriverfrontpark.com • 625-6601

The thing about Christmastime is that there’s never a shortage
of holiday concerts to get your holiday music fix. This year, the nonprofit Friends of the Bing have pulled together an impressive lineup
of regional artistic and musical talent to perform in the first annual
Christmas at the Bing holiday concert. The cabaret-style concert is
produced in part by Jadd Davis, recently named the artistic director
for the reborn Coeur d’Alene Summer Theatre. Hosting the musical
extravaganza is local Broadway vet Douglas Webster. The event
also includes a toy drive to benefit Shriners Hospital for Children Spokane.
— CHEY SCOTT

Ever feel like climbing every mountain and twirling around while
belting out “the hills are alive with the sound of music”? Well,
there’s still time to do that, but if you find it too cold to trek up a
hill, stay inside and sing along with the classic Rodgers and Hammerstein tunes at Sunday’s Sound of Music Sing-a-Long at the INB
Performing Arts Center. Come dressed up as your favorite character
or something even more creative, and potentially win some amazing prizes. Even if you don’t dress up, you’ll still get a bag of props
to use at certain points throughout the film.
— LAURA JOHNSON

GET LISTED!

Email getlisted@inlander.com to get your event
listed in the paper and online. We need the
details one week prior to our publication date.

7
CRUISE EAGLE TERRITORY

Every year as they migrate south for the season, dozens of bald eagles
stop by Lake Coeur d’Alene in December and January to feast on spawning
Kokanee salmon. (The record number of eagles counted by wildlife biologists
on one day was 273 on Dec. 29, 2011.) Take a two-hour ride from the Coeur
d’Alene Resort to Wolf Lodge Bay to marvel at the eagles up close from the
comfort of a heated cruise boat. Be mesmerized by the gracefully circling
birds of prey, and go back ashore with a greater appreciation for what an
honor it is to live on this earth.
— LISA WAANANEN
Eagle Watch Cruises • Sat, Dec. 21, Sun, Dec. 22 and daily from Dec. 26-Jan.
1 at 1 pm • $22.75 (discounts for seniors and children) • Coeur d’Alene
Resort • 115 S. Second St. • cdacruises.com • 208-664-7268

COMEDY HOMEGROWN LAUGHS

It’s perfectly fine to leave Spokane for bigger, brighter and better things. We
just ask that you come back once in a while. The kind folks at the Blue Door
Theatre are welcoming back some local funny people who’ve left town in
recent years, including F. Tyler Burnet — who’s presently on the road with
West Side Story — television actor Bob Bledsoe, writer/actor Rick Steadman
(pictured) and comics Tom Olsen and Lawra Gosselin-Harris. The night of
giggles features stand-up comedy and some improv, so you can bask in these
folks’ glory before they head back out after the holidays.
— MIKE BOOKEY
Return of the Natives • Fri, Dec. 20 at 7 pm • $7, reservations recommended • Blue Door Theatre • 815 W. Garland • bluedoortheatre.com • 747-7045

DECEMBER 19, 2013 INLANDER 61

A Premium Cigar Sports Lounge.
The one and only in the
Spokane/Stateline Area

GAISER HOLIDAY LIGHTS The annual
holiday lights display showcases the
Gaiser Conservatory’s collection decked
out in thousands of lights. Best viewing
after 4 pm. Hosted by the Friends of
Manito. Through Dec. 22, 8 am-7:30 pm.
Free, donations accepted. Manito Park,
1800 S. Grand Blvd. friendsofmanito.
org (456-8038)
HOSPICE TREE Hospice of Spokane
hosts the Community Memorial Tree
throughout the holiday season for
community members to honor their
loved ones by decorating a paper dove
in their memory. Through Dec. 22, MonSat from 11 am-7 pm and Sun from
12:30-4:30 pm. Third floor. River Park
Square, 808 W. Main Ave. hospiceofspokane.org (444-1058)
JOURNEY TO THE NORTH POLE
40-minute family lake cruises with a
visit to Santa, during which he reads
children’s names from the “nice list.”
Cruises depart daily at 5:30 pm, 6:30
pm and 7:30 pm through Jan. 1. $5/
children 6-12, kids under 5/free,
adults/$20, seniors/$19. The Coeur
d’Alene Resort, 115 S. 2nd Ave. cdalakecruises.com (208-664-7268)

Get the scoop on this weekend’s
events with our newsletter. Visit
Inlander.com/newsletter to sign up.

BOOKMOBILE OPEN HOUSE Learn
more about the library’s outreach services and participate in games, crafts
and more. Dec. 20, 9:30 am-3 pm. Free.
Hayden Library, 8385 N. Government
Way. (208-772-7405)
CAMPBELL HOUSE HOLIDAYS See
what the historic mansion would have
been like during the holidays in 1910,
with local actors portraying the home’s
residents and visitors. Dec. 20-22, Dec.
26-29 and Jan. 1-5 from 12-4 pm each
day. $5-$10, included in regular admission. Northwest Museum of Arts &
Culture, 2316 W. First Ave. northwestmuseum.org (363-5355)
HELP THE HUNGRY FOOD SORTING
Join other volunteers to sort and pack
produce and other bulk food items for
delivery to local emergency food outlets. Ages 14+. Shift dates and times
vary, sign up online. Second Harvest
Food Bank, 1234 E. Front Ave. 2-harvest.org (252-6267)
MOBIUS KIDS SHOP-N-DROP Parents
can drop of children at Mobius for holiday-themed activities while they finish Christmas shopping. Dec. 20 from
1-4 pm and 5:30-8:30 pm. All ages of
children welcome (must be able to use
restroom independently). $15/child.
Mobius Kids, 808 W. Main Ave. mobiusspokane.org (321-7124)
WINTER SOLSTICE DANCE Community dance featuring live music by Variety Pak, appetizers, drinks, prizes and

CDA RESORT HOLIDAY LIGHT SHOW
The 27th annual holiday lights display
features more than 1.5 million lights,
and is the largest on-water display
of its kind in the U.S. Through Jan. 1,
2014. Lighting ceremony, parade and
fireworks show on Nov. 29 at 5 pm. The
Coeur d’Alene Resort, 115 S. 2nd Ave.
cdaresort.com (208-765-4000)
DASHING THROUGH DOWNTOWN
Enjoy downtown Spokane by horse and
carriage, sponsored by STCU. Through
Dec. 24, Fri from 3-8 pm, Sat-Sun from
noon-5 pm, and Monday, Dec. 24, from
noon-3 pm. Corner of N. Wall St. and W.
Main Ave. Free. Downtown Spokane.
downtownspokane.org
BLING! IN THE NEW YEAR New Year’s
Eve party featuring live music, DJs,
drinks, prizes and a five-course preevent dinner ($100). Reservations for
VIP or dinner tickets recommended.
Dec. 31, 9 pm. $50-$100. Lincoln Center,
1316 N. Lincoln St. thelincolncenterspokane.com (327-8000)
NEW YEAR’S EVE JOYA-E SERVICE
“Bell of the Last Night” New Year’s
observance in the Buddhist tradition.
The Japanese Kansho bell is run 108
times to ring out the old year and ring
in the new. All are welcome to attend.
Dec. 31, 7-8 pm. Free. Spokane Buddhist
Temple, 927 S. Perry St. SpokaneBuddhistTemple.org (270-5308)

DECEMBER 19, 2013 INLANDER 63

RELATIONSHIPS

Advice Goddess
WIMP DADDY

AMY ALKON

A woman wrote you about flirting relentlessly with a
male classmate who seemed interested in her but may
have been too timid to ask her out. You asked her, “If a
man can’t endure a possible 10 seconds of rejection, is he
the man you want with you when danger rears its head?”
Absent a link between shyness and an inability to defend
a woman in danger, I think you’re being unfair to shy
guys.
—Irked

If timidity were useful in defending people in danger, police sergeants would
announce to their beat cops, “Okay, everybody, go out there and hide in the back
seat of your patrol car!”
You’re right that physical courage — willingness to risk physical pain — is
different from emotional courage: willingness to risk rejection or other social pain.
But they’re more related than you think. Brain imaging research by UCLA’s Naomi
Eisenberger and Matthew Lieberman finds that the same regions of the brain that
are activated by physical pain are activated by social pain, and Eisenberger reports
that “individuals who are more sensitive to one kind of pain are also more sensitive
to the other.” Further pointing to a connection, what’s good for a sprained ankle
seems good for a sprained ego. In research Eisenberger collaborated on, 500 milligrams of acetaminophen (think Tylenol) taken twice daily was actually found to
diminish emotional pain. So, no, it isn’t a stretch to suspect that a guy who shrinks
from social ouchies might respond to physical danger as if his spirit animal were the
breadcrumb.
There’s this notion that the shy guy approaches “the chase” like it’s the “lie
there like cold salmon,” simply because he isn’t a people person. That actually
describes an introvert — somebody energized by being alone and easily overstimulated in a crowd but who isn’t necessarily afraid to hit on a girl he’s interested in.
But a shy person, instead of having self-esteem, has “what other people think of
me”-esteem. This means a woman’s rejection isn’t just a bummer; it’s a crushing
confirmation of his worthlessness as anything more than a container of salable
plasma.
When a guy’s male role model appears to be grape jelly, it isn’t a woman’s cue
to do all the work to make a relationship happen. This is dating, not a pet adoption.
Besides, you get what you settle for. A guy desperate for approval is a guy a woman
can never count on — to show her who he really is, to stand up for what he believes
in, or, maybe, to even know what he believes (without sticking a wet finger in the
air).
A guy like this isn’t someone a woman can respect and admire. That’s essential,
because real love involves having a crush on a person as a human being, not taking
pity on him for his shortcomings. The shy guy to have is the one who’s worked on
himself and come out the other side — who maybe still fears asking a woman out
but manages to do it anyway. This tells her something about her — that he wants
her more than he wants to avoid rejection — and something about him: that he has
the qualities women look for in a man — courage and character and not just the
really basic stuff like a Y chromosome and an ability for point-and-shoot urination.

LOOKING FOR VOLUNTEERS
WHO BELIEVE IN THE POWER OF PINK!
Susan G. Komen Eastern Washington is in need of
volunteers to help with jobs big and small! If you can help
plan events, work on administrative tasks, fundraise, write
letters, rally support or help work behind the scenes... we
need you! We are the #1 source for free mammograms
in Washington State and our work relies on volunteers to
make it happen! If you can help by volunteering your time
and talents contact info@komeneasternwashington.org

Landlords:
Equal Housing Opportunity All real estate advertising in this newspaper is subject to the Federal Fair
Housing Law which makes it illegal to advertise any preference to, limitation or discrimination based on race, color,
religion, sex, handicap, familial status, or national origin,
or an intention to make any such preference, limitation or
discrimination. This newspaper will not knowingly accept
any advertising for our real estate which is in violation of
the law. Our readers are hereby informed that all dwellings
advertised in this newspaper are available on an equal opportunity basis. To complain on discrimination call HUD free
at 1-800-669-9777. The toll free telephone number for the
hearing impaired is 1-800-927-9275.

Northeast Apts

1 bd $450, 2 bd $550,w/storage unit
& carport.Call Jane 483-3542

We work with individuals,
and families as well as
business owners to review
their current coverage and
ensure it fits your needs.
We work with all insurance
companies in Washington
and Northern Idaho.

For an upcoming issue, we’re looking for personal stories of real-life
experiences involving the I Saw
You listings in the Inlander. True
love, mishap, missed opportunity
— whatever your story, send it to
ChrisB@inlander.com with the best
way to get in touch.

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68 INLANDER DECEMBER 19, 2013

I Saw You

Cheers

Cheers

Valley Medical Building The valley
medical building on the December
16th we locked eyes and smiled at
each other, but work was in the way
of me saying hi. You: blonde, FedEx
driver, with a beautiful smile. Me:
pruning shrubs out front, the one
with glasses and beard. Maybe we
can talk without work in our way.
Email me ckarst14@gmail.com

tattered tights — that’s how hard
I fell for you, Cat Man. If you think
our mutual love of cats could grow
to include each other, meet me and
Mr. Whiskers across the street from
the yellow house with cat beds all
over the porch. I love the stories
of missed connections that could
have been amazing. The people
who are bordering stalkers (it’s a
fine line). Those people who pay it
forward! and the people who have
nothing better to do than make up
a fake I saw you ad just to get your
attention. If you have any amazing
stories from the I SAW YOU section,
send them to ChrisB@inlander.com
because we are going to be doing a
story about them. Thanks!

heart do flips. I love the life we are
building together; even the not so
good days, lets keep it rollin! I love
you! Dottie Moo

the second I look at you or hear
your voice the rest of the world
goes quiet and sort of disappears.
Do you remember when we went
up to Rimrock and I told you that
was my heaven? Well loving you
has changed my mind about
heaven, heaven is every moment
I have spent in your arms, its
every time I see you and my son
playing together, every kiss, every
touch, every seemingly mundane
moment when you take my breath
away and you don’t even realize
it. Regardless of where we are or
what we are doing I fall in love
with you in all the small nameless
moments. You are the glue that
holds all the desperately broken
pieces of my soul together and
what’s more, from time to time you
make me forget I was ever broken
at all. I promise you there will be
days that I fail you, days that I don’t
let you know how much you mean
to me and for those days I’m sorry
but please know in your heart that
our family is my everything. So for
Christmas this year all I really want
is for you to know in the deepest
part of your soul that I love you
in the truest way and I am utterly
devoted to making sure each and
every day for the rest of my life
that you know how amazing you
are and how much you mean to
me. I look forward to building our
life together, I love you my friend.

Twigs I saw you at Twigs in the
Valley on a Saturday night. Our
eyes met over the seats between
the dining area and the bar. You
were the girl with the nice saltpepper hair and easy smile. You
had those delicious, brown doe
eyes that just invited me in. You
sported that warm, come-hither
look that just melted me. Not only
am I smart but I am funny, too.
Interested? truthman2010@live.
com
Put a non-identifying email

TO CONNECT

address in your message, like
Whitworth Wednesday, December
11th, I was driving around on “petals327@yahoo.com” — not
campus at Whitworth, lost. I “j.smith@comcast.net.”
randomly stopped, rolled my
window down, and asked you for
directions to a specific hall. You,
young man with dark hair, helped
me by giving me directions. I want
to say thank you again! Not only for
helping me, but with how nice you
were. I figure you being in college,
you might actually read this. Pizza
girl says thank you.

Miss Matching Gorgeous Winco,
really? It had to be there I guess.
Well my soul exploded, and nearly
escaped my body when I looked
at you. You were dressed well and
warm. Those hot stretchy pants
with furry boots and a furry jacket,
matching your furry hat. Thick
black framed glasses. You are so
beautiful. At the end, I looked for
a ring on your hand but couldn’t
remember what hand to look at,
the one I did get a glance at had
no ring. You had a 5 month old
perhaps? I am the 6’ guy with
the elderly lady. Don’t worry, we
are not a thing. I had thick black
glasses on as well and long hair. My
facial hair sucked, given that I have
been staying the night at her house
lately. I do have my own place.

I Saw You

$

I Saw You

Cheers
Cheap Shots A giant round of
applause to Dave Daley at Daley’s
Cheap Shots on Trent Ave. for
hosting the best in live, local music!
No matter the time of year, Dave
hosts world class, local musicians
for his patrons’ enjoyment. I’ve
never heard better blues music
than on Sunday nights at Daley’s
Cheap Shots. Ever. Been to
Chicago, Memphis, New Orleans.
Dave lets these guys and gals do
what they do, best. Dance, drink,
and dine to the once best-keptsecret in the musical universe. If
you can play, or not, come and see
the Sunday show, or jump on in and
jam. You’ll wonder where you’ve
been before landing there. To you
and your staff, Dave. “Way to go !!”
Gary You are without a doubt
my dream come true, you came
sweeping into my life like a
welcome breeze on a hot summer
day and my life will never be
the same. I love all that you are,
your complications, your pains,
your secrets, your longings, your
dreams, your past, I love you
completely; without exemptions. I
always say you are my sunshine
but in reality you more represent
my moon in the fact that even
in my darkest hour, you light up
my world. I love being the one
you come home too, the one who
gets to fall asleep and wake up
to you. Thank you for being so
good to me baby, for holding me
together when I want to fall apart.
You are so strong and brave to be
with someone who has as many
health problems as I do. Your
love is steady and strong and I
am constantly in awe of you, you
take my breath away and make my

Merry Christmas Thank you and
a very Merry Christmas to the
kind lady behind me in line at
Olde World Christmas this past
Monday. I admired the adorable
garden tool ornament that you
were purchasing. I inquired which
bin you found it in and went over
to hunt for it while my husband
stood in line to pay. I returned to
the counter to pay, after failing
to locate one, and you generously
offered to let me purchase yours!
That was very kind and totally
made my day! Thank you and I
will think of you each Christmas as I
place it on our tree.
Thank You! On my way home, after
having a horrible day, I stopped at
the Exxon on Division and 2nd to
get a Red Bull for finals week and
gas. Not only was my card declined,
but I couldn’t find my other card.
You so nicely paid for me without
hesitation. Thank you so much, you
have no idea how much it meant. I
wish I could return the good deed!
Indian Trail Yokes Employees I was
in a conversation with another
fellow employee when you tossed a
tangerine at him and then gave one
to me as well. I was so shocked I
couldn’t even get the words “thank
you” to come out of my mouth as
you were walking away! So, thank
you! To the nice gentleman that
works in... produce?
Christmas Cheer Our first Christmas
as a married couple and it feels
better than I ever could have
imagined. I love every moment
spent with you. No matter how
stressed, negative or down things
may get I know I’m a blessed man
as long as I have you in my life.
Merry Christmas and a happy new
year to the love of my life. Many
more years of wedded bliss to
come! jj

Jeers
Low Life Scumbag Jeers to the low
life scumbag that stole our niece’s
last piece of cake. I hope you feel
good stealing cake from a 16 year
old with brain cancer. May the cake
lodge in your throat until you die
you worthless bastard !!!
To the thirty-something couple,
who, while waiting in line to see
Santa with their young daughter
at River Park Square, actually
produced a small child’s toilet from
under their stroller, proceeded to
pull their daughter’s pants down
right there in line and let her use

I Love You Loving you is an orgasm
of the soul, a truth I have
searched for with all
I was making my daily
my heart. I have this
neighborhood round to feed,
glorious moment
pet and socialize the homeless
every day when I
(and otherwise neglected by my
realize how much
incompetent neighbors) cats and
we mean to each
kittens, and lo and behold, there
other and it takes
you were. You bent down to pet
Submit your Cheers at
my breath away.
Mr. Whiskers, the orange tabby
inlander.com
/sweet
I
believe
that
that lives across the street, and
when two people
my heart skipped a beat. Was that
are meant to be
and be entered to win:
a tuft of cat fur on your sleeve?
together, the rest of
Did I really see you pull a bag of
the
world
just
kinda
cat treats from your pocket and
Courtesy of
disappears for them, I
offer Mr. Whiskers a handful? In
feel
that
when
I
am
with
the moment I was so mesmerized
you. All day long I have
I didn’t even notice the hungry,
a million things running
mewing kittens climbing up my
Winners drawn bi-weekly at random.
through my mind and the
Must be 18 or older to enter.
legs, scratching through my clawworld is noisy and loud but
“I Saw You” is for adults 18 or older. The Inlander reserves the right to edit or reject any advertisement at any time at its sole discretion and assumes no responsibility for the content.

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Jeers

Jeers

the toilet in front of everyone. Are
you seriously kidding me? Do you
have any class or consideration for
others at all? Do you want everyone
in the world seeing your daughter’s
bare ass and watch her do her
business? Where is the pride? It
isn’t like one of you couldn’t have
taken her to the bathroom while
the other parent remained in line,
and we would have kindly held
your place for you if you had only
asked. If this is some new kind of
toilet training philosophy, please
wake up and just stay home with
her until she is trained, as nobody
wants to see your daughter doing
her business, no matter how cute
YOU perceive that she is!

They are NOT yours. Jesus has
taught me forgiveness this year, so
I forgive you.. But ..SHAME on YOU.
Please return. Merry Christmas .”

Car Accident “Holiday Jeers to you,
Nicole, or Brittany, or whatever
alias you are using to circumvent
your legal responsibility to possess
a driver’s license and provide proof
of automobile insurance. Jeers
to you for broadsiding our van
in Coeur d’Alene, and leaving us
stuck with the repair bill, and most
importantly; jeers to you and all
the other ass clowns who refuse to
abide by the laws and leave the rest
of us to pay for it. May you suckle
from the teat of a syphilitic sow."
Shame On You! “I want to Thank
whoever got into my garage and
STOLE my Christmas Decorations
for the inside of my home. Plus
looking thru other boxes. What
would make you want them???

Jeers

Financial Priorities If you have the
financial means to purchase non
essentials items (i.e. cigarettes,
lottery tickets…) then complain
about how broke you are; how you
can’t purchase holiday gifts for
your family; turn around having
the audacity to brag about your
lottery winnings. Please, don’t
take this the wrong way, we all
have our down times but we must
keep in mind “blessings” that
are given to us by God, have the
“knowledge” to understand how
to use these “ blessings” and the
“wisdom” to thank the Lord for
what He has given. Can I get an
Amen, Hallelujah!!!
Children and Fast Food Jeers to all
the cheeseburger heads that think
fast food is part of a balanced meal
for their kids. There is no reason
to have a child under the age of 10
that is obese. At this point in their
life parents can dictate what and
when they eat. So shame on all
you parents with overweight kids
taking them to fast food 5 night a
week, you aren’t even giving them
a chance to make a change. We
as Americans shouldn’t need the
government to tell us, but based
on the last 20 years I honestly
am starting to wonder if parents
should be told what to feed their

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Father of Two I saw the red flags
right away, but my curiosity got the
best of me. You truly are what I’ve
read about. All of the tokens of your
travels. They don’t represent who
you are. They are merely a mirror
of the person you assume to be, a
mask. Manipulating people is easy,
contrary to popular stereotypical
belief it isn’t a necessity, nor is
it a compulsion. It’s fun, to hold
the power to change someones
life, puppet their every action,
shape there every thought with a
few words, a god complex couldn’t
ask for more, right? You choose
to help “her” rather than destroy
“her”. Not because you’re a nice
guy, but simply because it’s more
challenging; the endeavor will
hold your attention for longer.
After all people by nature are self
destructive. Of course, that isn’t to
say you won’t enjoy stripping away
there morals. You move on without
making a single wave. Yes I know
you’re a sociopath. I saw you. I got
it. You didn’t go unnoticed.
Regicide Rarely does snapping off
at, result in snapping out of… If there
is one thing I have learned from
real-time strategy games: Rebuild
quickly and fortify otherwise you
will not survive the next attack. As
such if you can’t gather resources
fast enough, there is really nopoint
in showing up.

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DECEMBER 19, 2013 INLANDER 69

F

Ice Man

Why Dan Martin is content traveling in circles
BY JORDY BYRD

D

an Martin travels in continuous circles. Five
times a day, five days a week, for the past 25
years, Martin has orchestrated a mechanical
waltz — a one-man performance set to the dull roar and
lumbering hydraulics of a 6,000-pound hulk of wheels
and metal.
The 46-year-old auto and diesel mechanic by trade
drives a Zamboni at Eagles Ice Arena in North Spokane,
patching the rutted grooves and cracks of ice left behind
by hockey teams and figure skaters.
He drives atop a bucket seat, behind what looks like
a dumpster on wheels. He turns left — always left — in
slow, methodical loops at five miles per hour.
While the Zamboni beguiles hockey fans and pop
culture alike — its likeness is trademarked and featured in
McDonald’s happy meals, Monopoly pieces, on bumper
stickers and in the beloved comic strip Peanuts — Martin
sheepishly admits he drives in circles.
He does not “dance” or “orchestrate.”
“There is a lot of allure around Zambonis,” he says.
“Everyone wants to drive one. I don’t really understand.
... I guess I’ve just been doing it for so long. I don’t see
what the big hoopla is about.”

M

artin didn’t start out behind the wheel.
He was hired by Eagles Ice Arena as a
“parking lot picker upper” in high school. The
owners taught him to drive the Zamboni after he got his

70 INLANDER DECEMBER 19, 2013

driver’s license.
“It was kind of exciting,” he says. “My other friends
were flipping burgers, and here I was driving the Zamboni.”
He worked nights and weekends and learned to
manipulate the $100,000 vehicle that instead of a clutch
or gas pedal featured a 78-inch blade. He learned to make
ice.
The Zamboni drags an adjustable blade that removes
approximately 1/16th of an inch — up to 2,500 pounds —
off the ice. Parallel to the blade is a horizontal corkscrew
that gathers the ice shavings to the center of the machine;
a vertical corkscrew propels the shavings into a tank. Jets
of water then clean the ice, removing debris from the
grooves into a vacuum hose.
The water is filtered by a conditioning unit before
being heated and delivered back onto the ice through a
series of pipes.
The trick is to shave off just enough ice and lay down
just enough water to create a glass-like surface for skaters.
Martin equates the Zamboni to an overgrown riding
lawnmower.
“You can’t see directly in front of you while driving,
so it’s all done by feel and sound,” he says. “You have to
hear how much snow is going into the tank. You have
to feel how much you’re taking off. ... We have a saying:
‘Anyone can drive a Zamboni, but not everyone can
make ice.’”

Left turn ahead.

STEPHEN SCHLANGE PHOTO

rank Zamboni was the first to successfully make
ice. The Pocatello, Idaho, native opened the
20,000-square foot Paramount Iceland skating rink
in 1940 in Paramount, Calif.. An electrician by trade, he
patented an ice rink floor system, then set his sights on
an ice-resurfacing machine.
Shaving ice without a huge yet sophisticated machine
was laborious. Before the Zamboni, crews scraped off
layers of ice with a tractor, shoveled the shavings, sprayed
the surface with hot water, and waited for it to refreeze.
The process took more than an hour and cost entrepreneurs like Zamboni money.
In 1949, he patented the Model A Zamboni ice-resurfacing machine — a hodgepodge of aircraft, oil derrick
and Jeep engine parts.
Current Zambonis are similar to the Model A. Today,
the machine is a mainstay at the Winter Olympics, figure
skating competitions, National Hockey League games
and mom-and-pop ice skating rinks alike. The familyrun company has a handful of competitors — although
the word Zamboni has become synonymous with the
machine — and has delivered more than 9,000 Zambonis
worldwide.

M

artin travels in continuous circles.
When not on the ice, he races a 1979 Ford
Mustang at the Stateline Speedway. Race announcers have nicknamed him “Ice Man.”
“I always joke that I go around in circles for a living,
and I go around in circles for fun,” he says.
Martin speaks of the four Zamboni drivers at Eagles
Ice Arena, of the three machines the rink deploys, and
the 15 minutes it takes to clear the ice. He does not
understand why patrons are memorized by the whir of
a machine and the somehow beautiful, hypnotic act of
polishing a tattered sheet of ice.
He does not think of anything while driving. Certainly nothing of art or the allure of his magical machine.
“I just go out and do it,” he says. “I actually don’t
even like to look out and see how many people are
watching me. I keep my head down and just go… ” n

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