7. Holy Heartbreak, Batman! (Batman The Movie, '66) Let's be honest, Adam West and subtlety were not the happy bedfellows that Adam West and hot groupies alledgedly were. However, the pinnacle of the West's awful ham-jawed acting is when Batman responds to the discovery that the charming Miss Kitka is merely an alias for Catwoman by remembering a trace of 'Their Song' and staring off into mid-distance. Or just maybe - if you believe Burt Ward's oh-so-nasty Bat-biog - he's just staring just off camera at some sort of colossal dirty orgy, the girls just beckoning West and Ward to get involved. At a guess.

6. Batmobile badness (Batman Forever) Joel Schumacher would probably argue that he is a comic book fan. Trouble is, on this evidence, his comic book collection probably doesn't date past the 1960s and Bat-Mite. His tenuous grip on our confidence was shattered the moment the Batmobile, in a bid to escape Two-Face and his hoods, mounts and then starts climbing up a large wall. The fact that the Batmobile, which always looked like maybe it was over-compensating for something, was redesigned to resemble a giant neon-ribbed penis doesn't help matters.

5. That joke isn't punny anymore… (Batman & Robin)

"Allow me to break the ice. My name is Freeze. Learn it well. For it's the chilling sound of your doom." Ouch. Sadly, Arnie may well have been shouting directly at the Bat-franchise, as each clangingly awful Akiva Goldsman pun - served extra-mangled by Arnie's deliriously Teutonic bark - also rang out its funeral bells. "Cool party!" "Ice to see you!" "Winter has come at last!" "The Iceman cometh" "Let's kick some ice!" "Tonight, hell freezes over!" "You're not sending me to the cooler." [And our favourite…] "I'm afraid my condition has left me cold to your pleas of mercy." Bong!