From Widowhood To Dating Again

My husband passed away on December 24, 2005. He took my daughter, Torie, who was 9 at the time to the store to get milk. She offered him a sip of her drink, he took it and then went down. She believed for a while that she killed her dad and we finally made her understand she didn’t. He had a massive heart attack and the paramedics and hospital staff were never able to bring him back to life despite all of their efforts. I was wondering where he was when the people from the store called me and told he he was taken to the hospital. I was thinking that maybe he broke his leg or something like that. A friend brought my daughter home for me while I was on my way to the local hospital. I got there and after checking in, sat down and the doctor put his hand on my shoulder and told me he did everything he could for him. I just looked at him. Was able to see him in the emergency room hooked up to IVs and told to take his hand and say goodbye. His hand was cold and he did not respond. I stood there and talked to him for awhile with tears streaming down my face. A nurse came and took me out of the room and asked me to call someone. A good friend of mine came and picked me up. Now I had 6 kids at home from 5 to 16 so had to go home and tell them their dad had died. My friend stayed with me and helped me tell the kids about their dad and remember just holding as many of them as I could. My doctor’s office reached out to us and gave us some money they collected and bags and bags of food, so appreciative. Others sent pizza and offered to help with the kids. Christmas was dismal and one I do not want to remember. Shock set in and we went through the next days in a fog. I took one week off from work and then back full time again. Thankfully I worked out of my house for a national transcription company as a medical transcriptionist and could be home with my kids. I have set hours but still there no matter what. My husband was a big part of my kids’ life and helped with the raising of them so he was missed so much. We both had planned on growing old together, sitting on the porch with our grandchildren. To be honest, our relationship was on rocky grounds but the kids were the important ones here.

Had to check on life insurance and found out the hard way he had much less than I thought he did as he would not take the exam needed to increase his insurance as I asked him to. It covered the burial and paid some bills following.

I put my kids in counseling and put my counseling off for awhile as my kids came first. Watched them closely and the school system helped as well. We talked many times over those months about him, why it happened and cried. I found a letter one month later in my basement from him to me telling me he was sick, short of breath and feeling chest pains but no doctor for him and sorry if this was hard on me. That truly angered me as the kids were the important ones and he should have realized that.