A couple weeks ago, I threw a question out to some of my readers, to wit; Reality Shows–love ’em or hate ’em? We’ll most people that answered, they didn’t like them, but one young lady’s answer caught my attention. She too, didn’t like them, but she didn’t like them with emphasis. Therefore I decided to give you, my other readers a chance to read Nanette’s diatribe.

I hate the damn things! Whatever happened to good television shows with a plot? Where are the sitcom? I found my 13 and 16 year olds watching one of many they watch one Sat and I just went off. I told them girls, this is not reality.
Reality is loosing your job, wondering where you next meal is coming.
Reality is trying to deal with the price of gas to get to work.
Reality is deciding whether to pay for said gas to get to work or save the money to buy groceries.
Reality is knowing you can’t get to work without buying the gas and if you don’t go to work you can’t pay for the gas to get to work. Are you still with me?
Reality is working you fingers to the bone and not getting paid for your pound of flesh that you gave at the office.

Reality is knowing that at no time during my day will a billionaire, a hot farmer or Flava Flav (God forbid) rush in to sweep me off my feet. I will not be voted America’s next top model, top chef or idol. There will be no dancing of the stars across my office. I will not need to know who the mole is because we’re all just survivors here. And to top it all off, I don’t think I can dance, I know that I can. Even if America has not told me that I can.

That’s reality. Just wanted to make my case. Sorry so long winded.

Nanette

God, I love it? Wouldn’t just love to see Nannette tear into Darth Cheny and G.W. Shrub? Go get ’em Nanette!

Secret Things, French name – Choses Secretes, is the kind of movie one either loves or hates. I happened to be a lover. Even the fact that the movie was French with English sub titles did not dampen my enjoyment.

THE PLOT
Roommates Nathalie (Coralie Revel) and Sandrine (Sabrina Seyvecou) compose a strategy to dispense sex strategically to manipulate men into submission for financial gain and advancement. They commence their plan at a large prestigious Paris brokerage house. After initial successes and rapid advancement, they meet their match in the company CEO, Christophe (Fabrice Deville) the handsome amoral son of the company’s founder.

THE STORY
A shapely woman reclines on a day bed. She is restless and she is NAKED. A spotlight seems to highlight her gyrations and machinations. She sits up and slips into high-heeled sandals. She leans back and puffs out her chest. She places one hand upon her breast and kneads her nipple. The hand moves down across her midriff to her sex and she massages it. Suddenly she stands up and deliberately struts across the hardwood floor. After a dozen or so purposeful steps, facing the camera, she lowers herself to her knees and bends back once again. The spotlight is still on her as she masturbates and as she masturbates, the camera pans right. After panning about ninety degrees, you start to see people sitting at tables and the more it pans, you realize you are in a nightclub and the woman is an exotic performer. The woman is Nathalie.

Nathalie and Sandrine a recently hired bartender were fired that night because Nathalie would not allow the owner to force Sandrine to sleep with a customer. Tossed out on the street with nowhere to go, Sandrine accepted Nathalie’s offer to spend the night. At her apartment, Nathalie urges Sandrine to loosen up after she admitted to admiring Nathalie’s nerve and lack of inhibitions.

Nathalie, with her dry humor and strong will, made Sandrine laugh and eventually coerced her to do in front of her what Nathalie had done in front of an audience. With that, the bond was sealed and plans were laid, based on Nathalie’s distorted view of love and sex, to manipulate all men and make a place in society for themselves. After the women’s initial successes and having compromised their boss Delacroix, (Roger Mirmont), their plan begins to devolve into a whirlpool of ruthlessness, unrequited love, group sex, lesbian sex, three-way sex, and masturbation, in which the only way out appears to be suicide or murder.

CONCLUSION

The highly charged erotic opening scene set the theme for the movie so well, that I was mesmerized for the rest of the movie. True nothing that came after, with the possible exception of an “Eyes Wide Shut” style orgy scene late in the movie, was quite as electric but I still enjoyed the movie immensely. You see Secret Things had a story. It had a plot. A good story, a good plot, and the overall acting was very good. Secret Things is the closest I have viewed to a commercially viable, mainstream, erotic movie.

The movie Secret Things is appropriately named. The storyline is structured on secrets, deception and the duplicitous side of human nature. It is a reflection of a murky, lascivious side of life, which rarely is truly, captured on film. In fact the movie seemed to touch on one form or another, at one point or another, on all of ‘The Seven Deadly Sins’ – pride, envy, gluttony, lust, anger, greed and sloth, obviously a perfect sinister erotic movie.

Of the few (scores that is) softcore movies I have viewed, Fast Lane to Vegas would have to be near the top in a list of my favorites. Fast Lane to Vegas is lighthearted, whimsical, sexy and erotic.

Fast Lane to Vegas is a sexual farce and doesn’t pretend to be anything else. The story is ably portrayed by the main characters, Zach (Stephen Harvard), Brian (Steve Curtis), Monica (Renee Rea) and Ashley (Tracy Ryan) and a plethora of attractive supporting cast members.

The Plot

Brian and Monica have a large wedding planned in Las Vegas. Monica, along with her best friend and Maid of Honor, Ashley, are already in Las Vegas, waiting for her fiancé, Brian’s arrival, who along with his friend and Best Man will be driving down from Los Angeles.

The Story

Before leaving for Vegas and his wedding Zack talks Brian into detouring to a showgirl party where Zack has a bachelor party lined up for Brian. Afterward, already late and hurrying to Las Vegas, Zack gets lost and they run across a couple sexy humanoid aliens. Then, trying to find their way back to their destination, they keep running into opportunities for sex with gorgeous horny gals, including in Mexico, where the bartender/mayor/judge decides to hang our boys for their indiscretions.

Meanwhile in Las Vegas, Monica, following Ashley’s example makes hay with a room service waiter and a male stripper. There are a couple side stories as well such as Brian’s future father-in-law hiring Biker Babe (Mia Zottoli) to follow Brian and Zack.

Conclusion
For softcore presented in a zany, slapstick style, Fast Lane is very good. The misadventures of Zack and Brian are madcap, goofy and hilarious, especially Zack, who seems to be able to talk Brian into mischief. The ladies are essentially an all-star cast of soft and hardcore stars, as Renee Rea, Tracy Ryan, Angela Davies, Flower Edwards, Tera Patrick, Mia Zottoli, Kelli Mccarthy and Sasha Peralto, all show what they have.
This is the second “Fast Lane” movie that Indigo/Playboy released, the first being “Fast Lane to Malibu”, which featured almost the same cast and much the same concept. Both movies were originally featured on the Playboy channel and both movies are available together as a package. Personally, I didn’t appreciate “Malibu” as much but I will review the two movie package at a future date.

Both films are touted as ‘interactive movies’, where the viewer can choose at certain points either of two scenarios. I tried it a couple times, but I thought it was more a gimmick than something that added to the enjoyment of the movie. After choosing a scenario both ways a couple times and ending up at the same juncture after two or three minutes, I decided not to worry about this marginal feature.

For those wondering, the sex scenes were all well done though obviously simulated and honestly, more amusing than steamy. Still with the attractiveness of the cast involved, the sex scenes are still quite erotic. There were a total of nine sex scenes, including a fairly intense one with a girl pleasuring herself..

Since this movie is offered in both R rating and unrated, I made special effort to make sure I was buying the unrated version. I haven’t viewed the R rated version, but from my experience, unrated versions give me much more of the reason for which I watch softcore movies. Final Rating, 4.4 stars.

“Good morning ladies and gentlemen and welcome to another edition of Book Review 4 U. Today we will be reviewing a book by Kyle Mills called Smoke Screen. Mills, you may recall startled many readers with his initial novel, Rising Phoenix, with the novel idea of poisoning the nation’s illegal drug supply in order to curtail it’s use. Smoke Screen is Mill’s sixth book and whereas his previous books were all mystery thrillers, this one shoots off in a new direction.”

“With us this fine Saturday morning our usual panel members ET and Pamela Anderson. Et of course is our resident Science Fiction expert and Pamela doesn’t know that much about books but she sure is nice to look at, right ET. Gimme three! That a boy! The gentleman in the middle is of course ET’s long time interpreter Hailey Comet and last but not least is our two guest panel members, Film Maker, Michael Moore and Comedian Jerry Seinfield and Mike, please don’t worry about that chair. I of course I am your host, If you don’t recognize me, my name is William Jefferson Clinton. I used to work for the government but now I’ve got a real job and I’m loving it.”

“As usual I’ll read the fly leaf of the book, giving everybody a feeling for the book and then we’ll have our usual comment from our resident Epinionator Dee Dawning and then we’ll open things up for discussion by our panel. Sorry ET but this one isn’t your favorite, Science Fiction but it is a good book, isn’t it? You haven‘t read it yet but you‘ll read it on the commercial break.”

“Gee Bill, I wish I could read that fast. It took me a week of solid reading to get ready for this one”

“Well baby you know you don‘t have to contribute. You just have to sit there like you do, doing your thing.”

“Through an inexplicable series of unwanted promotions, Trevor Barnett has become the lead spokesman for the tobacco industry just as it’s on the verge of extinction. Plaintiffs’ attorneys have finally found the weakness they’ve been searching for and filed a $200 billion lawsuit that the industry will be unable to appeal.”

“America’s tobacco companies react by doing the unthinkable – they close their plants and recall their products from retailers’ shelves. Trevor is charged with the task of going on national television and making the announcement: Not another cigarette will be manufactured of sold until the industry is given ironclad protection from the courts.”

As the economy falters and chaos takes hold, Trevor becomes the target of enraged smokers, gun totting cigarette smugglers and a government that has been off from one of it’s largest sources of revenue. Soon it becomes clear that this has always been his function – to take the brunt of the backlash and shield the men in power from the maelstrom they’ve created.”

“There’s more but I think the audience gets the idea. We now have Mr. Daumco on the phone to get his analysis. Good morning Mr. D. I hope it‘s not too early for you back in Arizona, after all it is six o’clock there isn‘t it?”

“No Problem, I’m up with the quail and cottontails”

“Good, if I may get right to the point, what did you think of Smoke Screen?”

“Well Bill, I really loved it. Up until this book, Kyle Mills has been a serious novelist but on his latest novel, Smoke Screen he has displayed a latent jocularity and borrowed from the masters of tongue in cheek humor to put out a subtlety droll and amusingly clever book. He succinctly tells an excellent, witty story, doesn‘t get too detail oriented doesn‘t try to foist his superior vocabulary on the reader, so you don‘t need a dictionary next to you”

“What I like about Kyle Mill‘s books, which I like to varying degrees, is that he comes up with some seriously different and interesting plots. He‘s not the only one that can do that, of course but it seems like some major authors rehash the same plots only on a more massive scale.”

“I read a bio on this guy and he doesn’t even have a background in writing, he just tried it, managed with difficulty to get his first book published and now he’s off and running. I’m impressed and I‘m impressed with his writing as well. He doesn‘t waste words. His writing is direct, he doesn‘t meander off in other directions and he‘s smooth. This book is less than 350 pages, when 500 plus is the apparent norm.”

“Great, thanks again Mr D for your insights. How’s that book of yours coming along?”

“We’re getting there. Thanks for asking, Bill”

“You’re welcome, good luck. So what do you rate this book?”

“Sorry Bill, I thought that was obvious – Five big ones!”

“Wonderful. We‘ll take a break now and when we come back we‘ll hear what our panel has to say”

_______________

“Ok Panel, let’s talk about Smoke Screen.”

“Yes Pamela.”

“I loved it, it was humorous and droll and clever and ah…………..oh yeah succinct and I give it five stars.”

“Hmmmm, ok ET how did you see it”

“Mr ET thought it was very good but he would like to have seen some sex scenes and for it to take place in space but he still gave it five stars”

“I see, sex scenes huh, I thought you guys were unisex, oh well Mike what did you think? Mike, hello Mike!”

“Sorry Bill, I was just noticing a spot of dirt on Pamela‘s ……..never mind. What did you ask me Bill?”

“What we‘re here for, your evaluation of Smoke Screen.”

“Oh sure, I thought it would make a great movie, though I wouldn‘t let the bad guys, I mean tobacco guys off the hook. You know there are so many bad guys. Everywhere you look bad guys. Look what happened to you, scandalous,”

“Michael!”

“No no, not you, the way you were treated. You‘d think you started a war or something.A”

“Michael!”

“Yes, yes, sorry I digressed. I thought the book was super. I really liked the union guy. I laughed so hard at what he said about Trevor‘s father that I lost my cigarette and burned the couch. Five Stars, definitely five stars.”

“Thank you Michael. How about you Jerry?”

“Good book Bill, but I don’t think we’ve said enough about the characters and the excellent character development. Michael mentioned the pragmatic Union leader, Larry Mann but we also had Trevor’s anti tobacco activist, love interest Anne, the calculating corporate guru, Paul Trainer, Trevor’s always partying, fair weather friend Darius and of course Trevor’s suppressive, conniving father Edwin Barnett.”

“The whole time I was reading Smoke Screen, I couldn’t help but remember another humorous book about the tobacco industry by William Buckley’s son, Christopher Buckley, titled Thank You for Not Smoking and the writing style also reminded me of Carl Hiassen’s work.

“All in all I thought it was a clever, slightly sarcastic story with some real funny lines. I may have to borrow some for my act. Just kidding. I‘ll make it unanimous, Five Stars.”

“Thanks Jerry. So there you have it, Smoke Screen by Kyle Mills. Buy it!”

Here is a brand new interview of me from Night Owl Romance. I hope you find it interesting.

Author Interviews

Author: Dee Dawning

by: Tammie King

Date: 12/24/07

Hello Dee,

The girls of Night Owl Romance are pleased that you have granted us an interview

We would love to get to know you.

Could you please start by telling us a little about yourself?

Sure Tam. First, I would like to thank you and the Night Owl staff for the opportunity you have afforded me. Your website is first class and you’ve always treated me with cordiality.

Now, About myself? I’m a six one, two hundred pound male, who has aged like fine wine and loves women. I guess that’s why I write (erotic) romance. I don’t mean to come off like I’m a player—I’ve been married to the same lovely, exceptional woman for twenty-five years and she’s my closest friend. Actually, I’m more of a cut up, something, I believe, that shows up in my work.

I was born in Chicago, grew-up in Las Vegas , have lived in Phoenix the last eighteen years and haven’t melted yet. I started writing fiction a little over two and a half years ago. I think of my writing as the third phase of my adult life. Prior to trying my hand at fiction I posted reviews on music, books, movies, cars and assorted other things on some websites.

Who or what influences you when you write?

It varies quite a bit. People I’ve known or know, like and don’t like. Experiences, fantasies, news, other books, acts of kindness, acts of malice, even physical things. I’ll never admit it to her but the starting point for my book Legs was my wife’s very own fine pair or legs.

What do you do on a typical writing day?

Write, write, and write. I’ve pretty much given up TV and movies and have substantially cut back on my reading. I have a day job, which impedes my writing to some extent, so I’ve evolved into some rather weird hours. I retire between eight and nine and awake between two and three. This early morning, quiet time is perfect for writing.

When you have writer’s block how do you break free?

Sometimes, I take a break. Sometimes, I start working on something else and sometimes, I force myself to work through it. However, I seldom find myself in a true block. I suffer lapses, call them detours, where the writing isn’t quite right, could be better or I’ve gone off on a tangent.

Can you please give us a sneak peek at any of your upcoming books?

I thought you’d never ask. Coming out in February from eXtasy Books, is my latest, Getting Naked at the Hilton. Frankly, the title pretty much describes the book, though sex was not the original reason they got naked. It’s a lighthearted, sexual romp disguised as a Contemporary Romance, set in my old hometown sin city. Oh, it’s romantic all right, but our heroine, Rachel is very imaginative about sex and it has a fairly surprising ending. It’s also somewhat multi-racial as Scott, the man, is Anglo and Rachel, the girl, is mixed. (white and black)

Please tell us what you have planned next?

I have recently completed a novella with the tentative title, Lovers and Friends. (I’m soliciting suggestions) It’s about a middle aged Las Vegas cocktail waitress, who enjoys men and makes no bones about it. One evening she finds herself in the peculiar, but enviable position of being asked to tutor a handsome young man on her specialty—sex and seduction.

I have another finished product, a novelette called, By the Book, a zany story about a couple who try to spice their sex life up by enacting one scene weekly from the fictional erotic novel, Lascivious Liaisons by Madame X. I’m going to enter this one in a contest.

Works in progress include a sequel to the popular Legs and a contemporary paranormal called, Hollywood Witches.

Who is your perfect hero? And why?

Now, this is a tough question. In my books, it would be hard to distinguish who’s more of a hero, the man (men) or woman. (women)In my first book, The Right Hand of Allah, Jane is a beautiful but deady, ass kicking, killing machine, while the man, Kelly, also a covert agent and good, but is overshadowed by Jane.

In my second book, Fortune Cookies, which is a finalist for the Eppies, Has a plethora of likeable characters. I suppose I was the fondest of Rita, the beautiful but down to earth model, who had a heart of gold.

In Legs, what can you say about Drew and Mallory, who constantly put themselves in danger trying to save the other.

What would you like to tell your readers?

It’s you I write for. Your approval, your praise. It’s keeps me going. It inspires me. If you like what I wrote tell me about it. If you didn’t like something I want to hear it too.

I take my compliments wherever I can get them. My editor on Fortune Cookies said she wanted to edit everything I do. My editor on the forthcoming Getting Naked at the Hilton apologized for taking so long because she got so involved in the story she had to keep going back to reread and do her job.

To those who have yet to read me, a word. Yes, I write about sex, but I won’t get into extreme sex. I would never write anything demeaning to women. Like I said, I love women.
I consider myself an entertainer. People say my books are entertaining and that’s just fine. If you read one of my books and are entertained, the next time you want to be entertained, you’ll probably grab another Dee Dawning book. They’re all different, but then again they’re all the same—entertaining.

What is the best and worst advice you have ever received?

Best; One of the ladies that reviewed Fortune Cookies, after giving it a glowing review, strongly suggested I enter it in the upcoming Eppies contest.
Worst; To vote for George Bush. Just kidding. My wife wanted me to take up painting seriously, instead of writing. She’s proud of me now, but wishes I’d write mainstream instead of erotic romance. But then I wouldn’t get to interact with all you lovely ladies.

Do you outline your books or just start writing?

I guess I really wing it. I’ve never started a book knowing how it was going end let along where it was going to end. I start with a simple idea and start typing as if I was following an unknown path. Hopefully, I end up in a beautiful place with a lagoon and tropical foliage and not a landfill.

As an example my latest book, Getting Naked at the Hilton started with the premise that a man gets stood up. In reality the man was me, dozens of years ago, but where it goes is totally fabricated.
Truthfully I do that with my painting and home design. I think it works to my and the readers advantage as I end up with a looser, more spontaneous product.

What was your first published work and when was it published?

Not counting my self-published, The Right Hand of Allah, the previously mentioned Fortune Cookies was first, being published a year ago in December. I’m proud of this work but my pride swelled when I was notified, in December that Fortune Cookies had made the cut and was now a full fledged finalist for the prestigious Eppie Awards, the Oscars of digital publishing.

I hope it’s all right. I would like to show the blurb here.

Meeting for lunch at a Chinese restaurant, Jill’s friends are shocked by the improbable, amazing tale of good fortune she spins. Lust, sex, love, pregnancy, and a planned marriage to a strapping young hunk, all from eating a red fortune cookie? A FORTUNE COOKIE? Give me a break!

The owner of the Chinese restaurant sets one of the miracle red fortune cookies in front of each of Jill’s friends. Gail, the hi-powered attorney, Rita, the gorgeous model, and Saundra, the uppity socialite, look at each other, then at Chad, Jill’s dreamboat fiancée. What should they do? What would you do?

Fortune Cookies is a deliciously naughty, whimsical, tongue in cheek, romantic story that leads four friends on a paranormal journey into the supernatural in search of love, fulfillment and happiness. It is a novel for couples, about couples. Erotic and funny, Fortune Cookies will send you searching Chinese restaurants for the elusive red fortune cookie!

What would be the best way for readers contact you? Do you have a website? Email address? MySpace site? Blog? Message Board? Group?

Hi I don’t usually post writings from my other blog, ‘Erotic Musings, Dee Dawning’ but I am human and an author and when something good happens for me I like to tell my friends, even if it is a little like bragging.

I received some great news last Thursday. My book, Fortune Cookies made the final cut and is now officially a finalist for an EPPIE award. If you haven’t heard of Eppies, it’s sort of like Emmys but for eBooks. It is considered one of the highest awards an eBook can receive. I won’t know until January if I win but even being a finalist makes me a winner, since it is a badge of honor that can be carried through life.

For those of you not yet familiar with Fortune Cookies, here is a blurb an a review that makes me smile:)

FC Blurb

Meeting for lunch at a Chinese restaurant, Jill’s friends are shocked by the improbable, amazing tale of good fortune she spins. Lust, sex, love, pregnancy, and a planned marriage to a strapping young hunk, all from eating a red fortune cookie? A FORTUNE COOKIE? Give me a break!

The owner of the Chinese restaurant sets one of the miracle red fortune cookies in front of each of Jill’s friends. Gail, the hi-powered attorney, Rita, the gorgeous model, and Saundra, the uppity socialite, look at each other, then at Chad, Jill’s dreamboat fiancée. What should they do? What would you do?

Fortune Cookies is a deliciously naughty, whimsical, tongue in cheek, romantic story that leads four friends on a paranormal journey into the supernatural in search of love, fulfillment and happiness. It is a novel for couples, about couples. Erotic and funny, Fortune Cookies will send you searching Chinese restaurants for the elusive red fortune cookie!

FORTUNE COOKIES; IT”S A HOOT

Fortune Cookies
A Contemporary Erotic/romance Novel

Fortune Cookies

Dee Dawning/Fortune Cookies/eXtasy Books/411 pages/ebook

Jill meets her friends, Gail, and Rita and Saundra and others at Eddie Chang’s place, because she wants them to sample the fortune cookies that brought her a wonderful lover and the baby she had longed for. The magic in these cookies only works if you are not truly fulfilled in your life and it turns out that most of the girls need a touch of magic in one way or another – but can it work for all of them?

This is an extremely well crafted book. It is erotic and suitable only for over eighteens, but it has a really good story, which some erotic books do not have. This book has a charm and magic all its own. If you enjoy reading very sexy books then I recommend this one to you. This is certainly five red roses and I rather think it ought to have a whole bouquet, because of all the work and creativity that went into it. and that is a first for an erotic book, but it is also very much a romance. Annehttp://www.extasybooks.com

Now here’s more news. If Fortune Cookies appeals to you, until the end of December, you can buy it, or any other eXtasy Book backlist title for 30% off the regular price. That means you can get Fortune Cookies, a four hundred page award finalist for less than 5 bucks!

Cheeky, released in Europe by the name Trasgredire, is a good name for this farcical romp because there is a strong emphasis on cheeks. Women’s that is and not the facial kind.

The feature opens with our heroine(?), Carla (Yuliya Mayarchuk) briskly strolling though Hyde Park, observing amorous couples in various states of passion, (something I seem to miss on my jaunts through a park) when a stereo-typical flasher opens his trench coat and exhibits his faux penis to Carla. Was she shocked? Did she run? No, she smiled and lifted up her flimsy miniskirt and a flashed her beaver back at him. In a way it was funny as it was meant to be, but it gives you an idea about the inanity of the movie.
The Plot

Carla has moved from her home of Italy, for some undisclosed reason, to London. Her boyfriend Matteo (Jarno Berardi) is supposed to join her and she needs to find somewhere to live. She encounters a real estate agent named Moira (Francesca Nunzi) a lesbian who fancies her and provides a huge apartment for two pounds a month or something like that. In Italy, Matteo’s good friend tells him that women always fool around when they are away and gets him jealous.

The Story

Meanwhile, Moira is after Carla. They play around a little but Carla draws the line. She tells Moira she likes men. She likes cocks. Afterward she goes to a party with Moira and meets and has sex with Moira’s ex-husband. No, I didn’t get it either – a lesbian having a husband. For those into randy scenes this party was a gem, with the exposed bottoms of several women lined up on a couch and a couple other explicit genitalia shots. I do believe the all male shots were done with fake paraphernalia though.

Things aren’t going to well between Carla and Matteo. After discovering a photo of Carla laying in sand in the buff he flies all the way to London to confront her with the picture. She lays the story on him it was her old boyfriend, but Matteo discovers that she was seeing the other guy and him at the same time. He then demands if she has any other secrets and she tells him how she had sex with his friend.

Disgusted he leaves and takes a walk through the same Hyde Park in which the movie opened and he also sees amorous couples and passion. (gotta go to Hyde Park) Watching one amorous couple he discovers he isn’t the only voyeur. Another man is watching who informs Matteo that the woman is his wife. Matteo then seems to have an epiphany and goes back to Carla. He tells her it’s alright if she wants to cheat on him, as long as she’s open about it. The End.

I did have a problem with the last part but I didn’t watch the movie for the story. Let’s face it the story is incidental to the nudity and action.

It’s hard to give a bad or even average rating to a movie that you watched a second time. On reflection, it wasn’t very good. The story was lacking and the acting was lackluster yet it seemed redeemed somewhat in my eyes by it’s audacity and incredibly naughtiness.

Ultimately, it seemed like the movie was created to showcase and built around the perky, attractive Russian star – Yuliya Mayarchuk. Not a bad subject to build a softcore movie around. Yuliya is svelte yet shapely and looks great without her clothes. One of the highlights of the film for me was when Yuliya, Who has a strong resemblance to Reese Whitherspoon, performed a reverse strip tease.

Cheeky was the first Tinto Brass movie I’ve seen since I viewed the raunchy Caligula. It was dubbed in English but the European version Trasgredire, is in a foreign language with or without subtitles.

Tinto brass makes a couple cameo appearances in the movie. He may have even been the flasher in the beginning. The flasher was wearing a Groucho Marx style mask.

Like I said. It’s not a particularly good movie but there is something there that grabbed me. Rating 4 stars.

Note: If you buy or rent this movie, make sure you get the producers cut or the unrated version.

As a former Reagan Republican, I cannot help but be severely disappointed by the level of incompetence of the present administration. However, it appears there is still a good deal of support among so-called Bush loyalists, a fact that amazes me. Either they are ignoring the mountain of evidence of malfeasance that has been accruing or they pay no attention to the country’s current military and financial situation. Therefore, I will occasionally post a review of one of the many books that chronicle the run-up to and the prosecution of the Iraq War. These are not Left-wing books of anti-Bush propaganda but books written by thoughtful writers, whose only purpose is to present the facts. And to any that bother to read the facts, they are disturbing.

Here is the first review,

COBRA II by Michael Gordon and General Bernard E. Trainor

The Bottom Line:
Cobra II provides a good account of the thinking and non-thinking that propelled us into this never-ending war.

While reading Cobra II – when I wasn’t simmering – I got the impression that the strongest military in the world was being controlled and misused by a modern day version of the Keystone Kops. Not that I’m surprised. I and two thirds of the country (God help the other third) knew something was amiss, but many of the things I suspected were laid out in glaring fashion in this interesting text.

It’s like President “What me worry?” was having his arm twisted by Vice President “Darth Vader” undersecretary Darth Maul (Wolfowitz) to throw a forty day party in Baghdad. That’s right the war that has outlasted both World War I and the Korean War and is fast approaching World War II (It has now surpassed it) was expected to be a thirty to fifty day party and then we all go home with smiles on our faces. Perhaps it would have, except for two things.

First, our Defense Secretary, decided he knew more than all his generals combined. He threw out ten years of military planning for the invasion of Iraq, and proceeded to badger his generals to keep reducing planned invasion troop levels to a number he liked. I guess the secretary is into numerology. The number the generals started with was 380,000. The number the S.O.D. accepted was 140,000 – just enough to get us into Baghdad but not enough to get home.

The second thing, which some knowledgeable people foresaw, but not the myopic administration, was that the party might get crashed by some unwanted guests. Who you ask? Why, a bunch of young hot heads driving Toyotas, some wearing towels over the faces, some carrying funny objects on their shoulders or weapons in their arms and all looking for trouble. The first fatality of the war was caused, not by an Iraqi soldier but, a group of these hot heads in a Toyota Pick-up.

Commanders on the ground noticed this effective, unforeseen adversary, utilizing hit and run guerilla tactics and wanted to confront them, but the bigwigs in Cent Com ordered them to bypass these future insurgents and head straight to Baghdad, do not pass Go. Apparently they felt that once Baghdad fell everything. would fall into place. What they got when they took Baghdad was widespread looting. The authors Michael Gordon and General Bernard Trainor go on to speculate that the fediyeen, which the army was ordered to ignore and bypass on the way to Baghdad, became the backbone for the strong insurgency we now face.

Conclusion

Liberal, Conservative, independent – Right wing, Left wing, it doesn’t matter, reading this book will upset you. The book is not a liberal rag. It does not have a political bias, unless you consider a bias toward incompetence political. It just lays out the facts, often in minute detail. That, in fact is one of the books weaknesses. Cobra II reads like a play by play description of the war to date from the rationale though the planning to the prosecution of the war, with it’s attendant mis-steps. The prosecution portion of the war takes up at least two thirds of the book and unless you are a war junkie and despite some interesting parts begins, after awhile, to all sound the same.

The parts of the book I found most interesting were the initial planning stages and those portions dealing with the dissension that developed between Rumsfeld and Franks and later the turmoil between Franks and the generals in the field. The authors also point out how many of the problems that developed in the initial occupation of Baghdad and the aftermath were anticipated by various sources with suggestions, but were discounted or ignored by the administration. In short, the administration didn’t want to hear anything that might disrupt their vision of a forty day party.

Unfortunately the book only takes us through the war itself and the stirrings of the nascent insurgency. Three years later we are seeing what almost everyone agrees is a low grade civil war, verging on civil war.

Author’s Note; This review was written over a year ago. I would say things are pretty much the same, wouldn’t you?

WARNING: This is an informative and irreverent review about an explicit unrated movie. If you are easily offended, please don’t read it. If you do, please don’t complain about it.

“Good morning ladies and gentlemen and welcome to the initial edition of A Movie Review 4 U. Today we will be reviewing the British movie billed as an explicit mainstream movie, 9 Songs, written, produced and directed by Michael Winterbottom”

“With us, this fine Saturday morning, our regular panel members, the lovely, Bo Derek, who as movie stars go, has probably been filmed in the nude more than any other Hollywood actress. Hello Bo, I see we’re wearing clothes today.”

“And the gentleman to her left is of course, Mr. Macho, Bruce Willis, who also has an erotic scene or two to his credit. Bruce.”

“Good to be here, Jerry.”

“Bruce. What are you doing?”

“I’m just seeing if Bo will show me her tattoo. I’m a big fan of tattoos, especially private ones.”

“What are you doing Bo?”

“Bruce wants to see my tattoo. I’ve got a piercing too, but I can’t show you that, Brucie.”

“Really? Can you please show me? After the show, of course.”

“I don’t think so Jerry”

“Shucks! Last but not least are our two guest panel members, head of the Moral Majority, Rev. Jerry Falwell and Penthouse Magazine Publisher, Bob Guccione. Gentlemen, thanks for being with us this Saturday morning.”

“Good to be here, said Rev. Falwell.”

“Same here Jerry, but I’d like to say one thing to Ms Derek. I could provide a format for you to show the world your body art,” offered Mr. Guccione.

“I, of course, am you host, moderator and referee all rolled into one, Jerry Springer.”

“Our show will follow the system of our sister show, A Book Review 4 U. We’ll start with a comment from our resident Epinionator, Mr. D and then we’ll open things up for discussion by our panel.

“We now have Mr. D on the phone to get his analysis. Good morning Mr. D. I hope it‘s not too early for you back in Arizona, after all it is six o’clock there isn‘t it?”

“Not an issue. I do most of my writing early in the morning.”

“I’m sorry. If I may get right to the point, what did you think of this movie, 9 Songs.

“I’ve read a few reviews on 9 songs and one thing they all seem to agree upon is that the movie has no story. I can’t disagree with them. There isn’t much of a story, but if you pay attention you do arrive at some interesting conclusions.”

“The plot of the movie can be boiled down to this, boy and girl meet at a, Black Rebel Motorcycle Club, rock concert and go to his apt and f*ck. Another concert and another roll in the hay. With some small exceptions this is the modus operandi for nine concerts.”

“Matt is a scientist, a glaciologist and Lisa is a visiting American college student. Matt tried to keep up with Lisa, but I got the impression that he was overmatched, with Lisa, whom I thought was an excitement junkie. She was also more into experimentation. At one point, Matt went home by himself as she stayed with a woman.”

“I couldn’t figure out why the sex scenes seemed so well done – almost real. Then, as the movie progressed it became obvious. The bathtub scene with Matt and Lisa, the only actors in the movie, gave me the first clue. With Matt (Kieran O’Brien) leaning back on one side of the tub and Lisa (Margo Stilley) on the other, she uses her feet to massage his erect penis in full view of the viewers. That was about halfway through the movie and was only the beginning. Each sex scene thereafter, became increasing more explicit.”

“After about three months of steady rock concerts and sex, Lisa told Matt that she will soon be going back to America. Matt was crushed, so that afternoon Lisa cheered him up by … how can I say this? Blowing him! The viewer gets to see the whole shebang, just like a porn movie. She sucks on him for about thirty seconds and then the camera cuts away to a long view of Matt, ejaculating upon his abdomen.”

“On the day she is scheduled to leave, the spectator is presented a vision of the couple having intercourse including clear view of phallic penetration.”

“Speaking of the rock concerts, rock music fans, especially fans of British bands may be interested in the bands of the various concerts. I managed to dig seven of them out – they are:”

“What one might get out of this movie depends upon what one’s expectations are. No, it doesn’t have much of a story, but I thought the overall product was entertaining and very watchable. The movie was realistic in everyway (not just the sex) and earthy. The acting by the two actors was really something to behold and so was the cinematography.”

“It should be pointed out that the writer, producer, director of 9 Songs, felt there was a double standard regarding reading material vs film. He thought, since many erotic and even mainstream books are extremely graphic, why can’t mainstream movies also depict graphic sex. In comparison to the present day trend of filthy degrading pornographic films, 9 songs must seem extremely tame. Still, it is a big leap forward in sexuality from the average boring, poorly done soft-core movie. Therefore, I’m going against the grain, Jerry, and giving the movie 5 stars.”

“Thank you for your insight Mr. Daumco. Now it’s time to get our panels opinion.”

“Let’s start with you Bruce, but before you start, I want you to consider a couple questions? Do you think it is proper to ask an actor to have sex on the screen and as an actor, would you have considered, such a part?”

“Bruce.”

“That’s a hell of a question, Jerry. I didn’t think you were that thoughtful. Let me talk about the film then I’ll go back to your question.”

“I thought, the film pioneered new ground. I don’t know if we’ll see more movies like that in the future but it certainly set the groundwork for them. I give the movie 4 stars.”

“As for your question. I’m sure, when you are first getting started you may be required to do parts that you could reject once you are established.”

“Fine, but what about you and is it appropriate?”

“I didn’t mention it but I interposed myself into your hypothetical equation. As for appropriate? If it’s in the script, it’s appropriate.”

“Very good. Bo. Bo! What are you doing?”

“I’m showing Reverend Falwell my body art.”

“I thought you said you couldn’t show anyone your piercing?”

“The Reverend said it’s okay to show him because he’s a holy man. Right Reverend?”

“Well, oomph. I didn’t quite say it that way. I said people think I’m a dweeb but their wrong. I’m wholly a man.”

“Okay, Sweetheart hurry up and put your clothes back on, before we get fined.”

“That’s alright Jerry, If you get fined. Penthouse will be glad to pay it. Ms Derek, I still want to talk about appearing in my mag –”

“That’s all right. I need to get Bo’s opinion of 9 songs. Bo did you hear my question to Bruce.”

“I think so.”

“And”

“Well, I liked the movie. It’s realistic. F*cking is what people do. I’d like to see more movies like that and I wouldn’t mind appearing in one myself. It would be my crowning achievement. I give the movie 5 stars.”

“Alright, Moving on. Reverend?”

“As you should know. There is no place in our society for dreck like this misbegotten movie and I certainly wouldn’t perform in a movie like that! 1 star.”

“I don’t think Jerry was asking you if you would screw on film reverend. Fat people don’t film too well naked.”

“I’ll thank you to keep your opinions to yourself, Mr. Smut peddler.”

“That’s okay Mr. Shyster. I’ll bet if I got Bo here to show her body art in Penthouse, you’d be the first in line for a co –”

“Bob, please. We may disagree but let’s do it with civility. Now what did you think of 9 Songs?”

“I loved it. It brought back memories of my randy movie Caligula.”

“Randy is right. That was pure pornograp –”

“Aw, so you’ve seen it. What other sex movies have you seen Reverend? How big a collection do you have. Huh?”

“Gentlemen please. We’re almost out of time. What is your rating, Bob?”

“5 stars”

“Thank you, Bob. That averages out to 4 stars.”

“So there you have it, 9 songs by Michael Winterbottom. Buy it!”

“That’s it for now. Join us next week when our guest reviewers will be Paris Hilton and General Tommie Franks.”

“Yes, Bob?”

“I just wanted to mention to Ms Derek that I may have the vehicle to her crowning achievement, since I would make a sequel to Caligula if she would star in it.”

“Now that’s an interesting proposition.”

“I’ll bet you get all kinds of propositions. Talk about it after the show. What are you doing?”

“Showing Bob my body art.”

“Until next week this is Jerry Springer slugging … I mean signing off. Have a great day!”

Author’s note: As you probably suspected this reviiew was written before the unfortunate and untimely death of the Reverend Falwell. No offense was intended and I hope none was taken.

“Good morning ladies and gentlemen and welcome to another edition of A Book Review 4 U. Today we will be reviewing a book by Robyn Harding intriguingly called The Journal of Mortifying Moments, which apparently is her initial book.

“With us, this fine Saturday morning, our usual panel members ET and Pamela Anderson. ET of course is our resident Science Fiction expert and Pamela doesn’t know all that much about books, but she sure is nice to look at, right ET. Gimme three! That a boy! The gentleman to his left is, of course, ET’s long time interpreter Hailey Comet, and last but not least is our two guest panel members, Presidential Advisor, Karl Rogu . . . ah, er, excuse me, Karl Rove and controversial Comedian Chris Rock. Sorry about the slip Karl. Yes Chris.”

“Well, I supposed you do have a point there Chris. I, of course, I am your host, if you don’t recognize me, my name is William Jefferson Clinton. I used to work for the government, but now I’ve have a real job and I’m loving it.”

“As usual, I’ll give a brief summary of the book, giving everybody a feeling for the book and then we’ll have a comment from our resident opinionator, Mr. D and then we’ll open things up for discussion by our panel. Sorry ET but this one isn’t your favorite, Science Fiction, but it is a good book, isn’t it? What? Again? You haven‘t read it yet, but you‘ll read it on the commercial break. I wish you wouldn’t do that. You make everybody envious, including the lovely lady sitting next to you.”

“Oh don’t worry about it Billy-boy. I realize he has some amazing attributes but I have some attributes too.”

“Pamela?”

“Yes Chris?”

“I just want you to know that I think your attributes are pretty amazing. Can I see them.”

“Pamela. Stop that!”

“Why, Billy-boy? I did it on The Howard Stern Show.”

“Pamela. Do you see those cameras out there? This is television. That was radio.”

“I know Billy-boy but I want to contribute for a change.”

“I want you to contribute too, but not to a big FCC fine. You can contribute after the show. “Okay, let’s move on. Here’s a brief summary of the book.”

Kerry Spence is in a chronic dead end relationship with her dreamboat of a boyfriend Sam Miller. She also works in an ad agency where she can’t stand ninety percent of her co-workers and vice-versa. She also seems to be on a different page than her mother, who always seems to be putting her down adding to her already low self-esteem.

The only bright spot in otherwise her bleak existence is the friendship and loyalty of her good friends Sandra, Val and Michelle and a friendship with a gay coworker Trevor. Unfortunately her friends are also borderline neurotic and don’t seem to be helpful.

So, what do you do when you feel outclassed by your boyfriend, disparaged by your mother and can’t stand your job? Why, go to a therapist of course. What did the therapist come up with? She asked Kerry to write a journal of her most humiliating experiences. At first she thinks this is a inane project but as she continues to write her most embarrassing moments, which all happen to involve men, in her Journal of Mortifying Moments, she begins to come to some realizations.

“We now have Mr. D on the phone to get his analysis. Good morning Mr. D. I hope it‘s not too early for you back in Arizona, after all it is six o’clock there isn‘t it?”

“No Problem. The coyotes kept me up, howling all night”

“I’m sorry. If I may get right to the point, what did you think of this weeks book, The Journal of Mortifying Moments?”

“Well Bill, for typical, so called chick lit, I thought the good outweighed the bad. The author Robyn Harding displays a jocularity and sense of irony. Some of the scenarios and that’s what the book is – a series of scenarios – were clever and well portrayed, but the humor in all cases was at the expense of the heroine, who by the way, I never got a sense of. To my knowledge the author never really described Kerry other than she herself felt she had a large and expanding butt.”

The fact that the heroine was depicted in such an unflattering light was a problem for me. She seemed to be so vulnerable and incompetent, it even seems odd to call her a heroine. Protagonist is probably more apt. When I think of Kerry the word buffoon comes to mind, like she was playing a straight man, or lady in this case, to fate.”

The author’s overall character development was adequate but just barely. Some characters more than others. I had a good feel for Trevor, who was pretty good by the way and Sandra and Kerry’s mom, but Val and Michelle were strangers except Michelle was logical and business like.”

Harding’s writing style is well paced, uses dialogue effectively and has a reader friendly prose style. She doesn‘t waste words, her writing is direct, she doesn‘t meander off in other directions and she‘s smooth. This book is 308 pages, when 500 plus is the apparent norm. Despite the fact that some of the scenes and scenarios, seemed contrived, The Journal of Mortifying Moments, as a whole, holds up well. Especially for a debut.”

“Great, thanks again Mr. D for your insights. How’s that book of yours coming along?”

“We’re finished and in for printing. Thanks for asking, Bill”

“You’re welcome, good luck. So what do you rate this book?”
“Sorry Bill, I giving The Journal of Mortifying Moments – Three and a half stars!”

“Excellent. We‘ll take a break now and when we come back we‘ll hear what our panel has to say.”

****

“OK Panel, we’re back live now. Let’s talk about The Journal of Mortifying Moments.”

“Yes Pamela.”

“I loved it. I thought it was humorous, droll and clever. And ah . . . oh yeah succinct and I loved the mortifying moments. Like when she was twelve and the shy boy she had a crush on, told how many times a day he touched himself, rather than take Kerry behind a bush and kiss her. I give it 4 1/2 stars.”

“Hmmmm, ok ET how did you see it”

“Mr ET thought it was good, but he would like to have seen the sex scenes be more explicit and for it to take place in space. He still gives it four stars”

“I see, explicit sex scenes huh, I thought you guys were unisex, oh well Karl what did you think? Karl, hello Karl!”

“Sorry Bill, I was just noticing a little bump on Pamela‘s . . . never mind. What did you ask me again?”

“Certainly. Ahhem. I thought the book, while cleverly written, set a poor example to the young women of this great nation. It extolls promiscuous behavior and wanton sex, even in unromantic situations. I’m no prude, mind you, but Sandra deciding to have the baby of her sixty-five year old married boyfriend was over the top. Not to mention that some of Kerry’s mortifying moments were licentious and demeaning. Take the one where she ties up her boyfriend d’ jour to the bedposts with the use of scarves only to start a fire from a plethora of burning candles, some of which were set in a pentagram for God’s sake.”

“Karl!”

“Yes, yes, sorry I digressed. I think the book is well written but the subject matter is vulgar and our people should stay away from it. Two stars, I give it two stars.”

“Thank you Karl. Chris. How about you?”

“A pentagram huh? Wow! Where did you see that? You know, Bill, I liked the book, but are white chicks really that screwed up? I mean, man they’s worse than black chicks, playing games, not answering the phone, trying to guess what her man’s thinking. Seems like she coulda saved herself a whole lot of trouble. Just spit it out girl and stop acting so . . . silly!”

“Man that Kerry chick’s got some serious hang-ups and some of those so called mortifying moments like when one of her fiance wants her to join in a foursome. Hey. You gotta chill out girl. Go with the flow. That shouldn’t be mortifying. It should be stimulating.”

“I agree with Mr. D – 3 1/2 stars.”

“Thanks Chris. So there you have it, The Journal of Mortifying Moments by Robyn Harding. Buy it!”

“That’s it for now. Join us next week when our guest reviewers will be Paris Hilton and Governor Schwarten . . . Schwartze . . . the Governor of California.”

“Until next week this is Willie-boy Clinton signing off. Have a great day!”