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Thursday, May 21, 2009

25) Problem-Situations (continued)

"Power shows the man." Sophocles

NURTURING THE LEADER:In the last post(24), we listed points on how to help the child succeed. Here, we shall take up the very important facet of 'leadership'. Is there a duplication? Let an example clarify the point. In the cricket-world, Sachin Tendulkar is acclaimed as the Master Batsman. His success in rewriting the record books, is common knowledge. But is he Captain material? Going by records, he is not. He is successful as a batsman, but not as a leader. We should teach out children to be truly successful leaders, because the world is populated with Pretenders and Power-Brokers who pass off as leaders. They tend to acquire power through foul means and parade such power with impunity. Self-gratification, through the exercise of power, is their aim. They confuse leadership with the accumulation of power. Sophocles warns us that the way a man uses power, shows us who he really is.

When teachers were asked to list qualities they spotted in children who had leadership skills, they put down the following: a) They are confident; others are willing to follow their lead. b) They felt good about themselves; and made others feel good. c) They had questioning minds; took initiatives; were enthusiastic/good-humored. d) They treated adults and peers with respect. d) They were not clinging but sharing; even with their toys.

1) The first thing children should learn about leadership is to have Courage of Conviction. They should be ready to stand up for what they believe, against odds, and live up to standards they set for themselves. e.g.,If they believe that cheating in a test paper is wrong, they should not cheat, no matter how strong the temptation, or how easy it is. By standing up, they will be faithful to themselves and to the promises they make to others. 2) A good leader is a 'we' person; not an 'I' person. So, he believes in team work, is ready to take and share responsibility, is happy in the success of his team fellows, will give them a large share of credit when the team succeeds and take upon himself a large share of the blame, when the team fails. 3) He will learn to be thoughtful and considerate of others and view their mistakes with compassion, not accusation, and be calm even in difficult situations. Because of his 'others-attitude' he will respect and carefully listen to ideas others have to offer. 4) He will immerse himself fully in what he does. Take a sieve and pour water on to it; the water drains out. Throw the sieve into the ocean. Water does not drain out because it is immersed in the ocean. When the child learns to immerse himself in what he does, he not only sets an example to others, but also does not let distraction drain his energy. He stays focused. A leader cannot lose focus or enthusiasm. His enthusiasm must energize others into following him and doing common things uncommonly well. 5) Every time he confronts an obstacle, pose him this question: "What if you tried to do it differently?" That will prompt him to try something new and look at obstacles as opportunities. 6) Look for ways to encourage, praise and make him feel good. In turn, he should try to make others feel good by thanking and praising them. The habit will work wonders for his personality - he becomes charismatic; others are drawn to him.

Ultimately, it will be his strong character that will make him stand out. In Mexico, the Jail Warden of a high security prison was respected even by the prisoners for his upright conduct and sense of fairness. One day a prisoner escaped from prison.The warden tried to apprehend the escaped prisoner, but failed. Promptly he accepted full responsibility for the lapse in the prison-security and agreed to become an inmate of his own prison, to serve the unfinished sentence of the escaped prisoner.

CAUTION: Children will learn from parents. So, before teaching children how to be leaders, parents better learn how they can be successful leaders. We cannot give what we don't have. The sad plight of children growing up with parents who lack leadership skills is a harsh commentary on the poor example such parents set.

The Author

Quotes on Parenting

"What gift has Providence bestowed on man that is so dear to him as his children?" Cicero.

"Dads don't need to be tall and broad-shouldered and handsome and clever.Love makes them so." Pam Brown.

"The best combination of parents consists of a father who is gentle beneath his firmness,and a mother who is firm beneath her gentleness." Sydney Harris.

Extracts from a Prayer of General MacArthur

Build me a son, O Lord, who will be strong enough to know when he is weak and brave enough to face himself when he is afraid; one who will be proud and unbending in honest defeat; humble and gentle in victory. Build me a son who will know thee and know that to know himself is the foundation stone of knowledge.Let him learn to stand up in a storm; here let him know compassion for those who fall. Let him master himself before he seeks to master other men. Let him reach into the future, yet never forget the past. Let him always be serious, yet never take himself too seriously. Give him humility, so that he may always remember the simplicity of true greatness; the open mind of true wisdom and the meekness of true strength. Then I his father willdare to whisper: 'I have not lived in vain'.

Extracts from Abraham Lincoln's letter to his son's teacher

He will have to learn that all men are not just; all men are not true. But teach him that for every enemy, there is a friend. Let him learn early that bullies are the easiest to lick. Teach him that it is far more honourable to fail, than to cheat. Teach him to sell his brawn and brain to the highest bidder, but never put a price tag on his heart and soul. Teach him always to have sublime faith in himself.

"On Bringing Up Children"

" Your children are not your children.They are sons and daughters of life's longing for itself.And it is your awesome responsibility to pass the torch of civilization to them.Teach them to think. To wonder. To dream. To meet triumph and disaster equally. Teach them the difference between flattery and praise. Teach them the joy of a sunset. The joy of sharing. The joy of discovering the unknown.More than anything else teach them to WALK TALL"-Khalil Gibran