Story I told my nephews

There was a couch pillow named Babyhead who grew tired of being sat on all day

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So one day when the people who owned the house he lived in accidentally left the door open, Babyhead made a run for it

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He got into the yard and thought, I wonder what my new life will be?

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Just then an eagle flew down and grabbed Babyhead and carried him away

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The eagle brought Babyhead to its nest high up in a tree

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The eagle said, how about living here with me me? I'll put my eggs on you to keep them safe

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Babyhead didn't think that sounded much better than being sat on by humans, so he threw himself out of the nest and fell to the ground...

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...where he was discovered by a mole

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Come live with me, the mole said. It's so uncomfortable underground, you can. You can be my bed

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Babyhead didn't like that idea either, so he rolled away

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Soon he met a snake.

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Come live with me, said the snake.

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Babyhead asked, are you going to sit on me?

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No, said the snake. We snakes have no need for comfort. We just want to be friends

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So Babyhead went with the snake and lived with him and his snake family for many years

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But one day one of the snakes asked if he could rest on Babyhead for just a second, which made Babyhead very angry.

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So he wandered off into the woods. He didn't even say goodbye.

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In the woods, he met Santa Claus!

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Hey, Santa said. How would you like to come live with me in the North Pole?

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Are you going to sit on me? Babyhead asked

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No, Santa said. I'd like you to help run my workshop

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Babyhead was thrilled!

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But just then the snake family, who didn't know Babyhead had run away—they thought he'd been kidnapped!—arrived. They thought Santa was the one who kidnapped Babyhead!

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The snakes attacked Santa!

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They crawled through his beard and hair, the slithered through his clothes

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Santa screamed and screamed!

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And do you know what Babyhead did?

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He ran away

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He moved to chicago

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And changed his name to Bruce

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And got a job at a factory making plastic tables

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My nephews didn't love the story

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They wanted to know how Santa escaped the snake attack

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I said, Santa used his magic to make the snakes fall asleep, but they were all wrapped around his body like a rope. To this day they're still tangled around him, and that's why he's always so quiet when he comes around on Christmas Eve