I believe the use of any fruit, fruit juice, fruit zest, or fruit pulp in conjunction with a perfectly functional cake should be punishable by death. I just… why… because… I mean… no.

pauses to politely vomit into a tureen

I grew up in the South, and I'm pretty sure my family knew I was going to be the black sheep when I refused to eat apple pie, peach cobbler, or those terrifying gelatin fruit salads. My problem with cooked fruit is a deep personal flaw and has probably closed a lot of doors for me in publishing, comics, and the con scene.

Aside from the constant agony and the feeling that I'm starving my brain to the size of a shrunken, black peanut, it works great. I've battled my weight all my life, and cutting out bread/carbs is like a magic bullet.

But, as we know, bullets have a habit of slamming into you and making you cry a lot.

Oh, there are so many jokes about the sub sex. I… don't take myself very seriously. For one thing, the sub is actually outfitted with BDSM accoutrements and a mirror over the bed; the heroine quips that it's a legit Love Boat. After the interlude, the hero calls her "poppet" because they're technically pirates now. And then there's a Kraken attack.

But perhaps I've said too much.

The thing about a fight between a horse and a thousand ducks is that I'm actually more interested in the aftermath than the battle. Imagining all those crispy duck confits and horse steaks just makes me all dreamy. Duck is basically my favorite food, followed by cake. And although I have a horse and love horses, I did have horse steak once in France, and it was totally amazing.

/r/Fantasy is the internet’s largest discussion forum for the greater Speculative Fiction genre. We welcome respectful dialogue related to speculative fiction in literature, games, film, and the wider world.

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