Danger! High Postage

Saturday, April 30

Guernsey or bus(t)If there was any doubt about my career as the 21st century Tony Wilson, you only need to look at my latest article - about a caravan that can go on water - The mighty caraboat!.

The frankenstein's monster of a vehicle is half caravan, half boat and was manufactured in Nottinghamshire in the 1970s. Were it not for an unusually windy day in 1973, they could have been blocking up canals the length and breadth of the country now. As it is, a freak gust of wind spelt disaster. Why? You'll have to read the article to find out...

Talking of my mission to become the new Tony Wilson, complicated circumstances that I won't go into, mean that to maintain the current steady progress, I am faced with a choice; Move to Guernsey or learn to drive a bus.

So, which one will it be? Let's take a look at the pros and cons of each

1. Move to GuernseyAll my opinions about the Channel Islands are drawm from watching episodes of Bergerac. So it might not be the case that the islands are full of Yacht Regattas, bowls tournaments, international fraudsters and hard-bitten, rough and ready detectives.

Pros:- Beautiful scenery- Learn to surf- Nip over to Jersey for a Bergerac pilgrimage- Easily manage to qualify for the Commonwealth Games- Hey, it's bigger than Alderney...

Cons:- Absolutely nothing happens- Ridiculous restrictions on living there- No gigs apart from local folk bands- Miles from anywhere- Full of dodgy tax exiles- Isle of Wight positively buzzing in comparison...

2. Learn to drive a busA drastic course of action you might think, but there is a shortage of journalists who can also drive a bus! And they are in demand...

Pros:- Can easily give your friends a lift- Pretend to be Cliff in Summer Holiday- Could fall back on a career as a bus driver- Get nice bus driving hat...

Cons:- I can't actually drive a car- Expensive and time consuming bus driving lessons- Not exactly glamorous- People will constantly do impressions of Blakey from On The Buses at you...

So, which one should I go for? Has anyone been to Guernsey or ever driven a bus? Advice please...