Roxy Music Roller: Toyota Avalon vs. musical version

Low-paying gigs. They stick to my carcass like gum on a school desk underbelly. One such gig for this scribe is fronting a minor cover band concern known as Kickback.

That means lyrics; lots and lots of lyrics, which I'm more apt to memorize since my glasses-off cool would need a font size in 72 to make it out on stage.

This week's ramble concerns a certain 2013 Toyota Avalon, a fresh take on what I have considered for many years to be the Fat Camry.

As a flagship, the Avalon has been beyond weak. Even calling it a flagship fails to register as the last time I checked, a Toyota flagship goes by the name of Lexus, which might explain similar indifference to the likes of NIssan's Maxima.

As the real estate pamphlet I scanned over once read: 'location, location, location.' In Carspeak, that makes buying a flagship sedan surrounded by hatchback rabble to be about as fiscally responsible as building a Cali-style beach house on a retention pond where Erin Brockovich is busy gathering water samples.

So what does Toyota's Avalon have to do with song lyrics? Plenty, assuming Bryan Ferry and his Roxy Music bandmates were somehow influenced by the luxurious confines of a 1982 Toyota Cressida, which is when Avalon hit the charts.

Oh, but they were plush, those Cressidi. Downright Olds Regency 98 in the cushy. Like most lyric sheets, you have to scan a few interpretations for something that smells correct, short of heading down to Value Village and rooting through the warped vinyl (bring Purel. Lots of it).

Here's a few select passages, and how they relate to Avalon for 2013.

‘Now the party’s over...’

Hmmm. Can't say the Avalon ever felt like a wild party, rah-rah-olay. I think they're referring to the 2013 Avalon models that were unveiled at SEMA, with big brakes, superchargers and lowered suspensions that won't make it to the Toyota Racing Development bins, let alone Canada.

What performance division in their right mind brings out performance parts for cars that they have no intention of ever producing? Oh wait, I just answered that. The other non-party effort is the Avalon Hybrid, which is only available in the U.S. (You'd leave that party by nine-thirty).

‘Then I see you coming, out of nowhere...’

This is about right for Avalon, as sweet zip has been retained for the visual. While it adopts much of the sharpened creases of the Lexus ES siblings, it doesn't look Camry, or Lexus.

Everything on it seems exclusive, from front turn signals separated out of the headlamp assemblies, to an expanse of rearward glass that doesn’t require you to stare at the back-up camera screen for needed guidance.

‘Much communication, in a motion...’

I always thought that line was ‘in emotion.’ (Maybe it is, if the Roxy Music fan sites are off their game). The slightest of motions is all that is needed for the touch-savvy actuators on the centre stack. From music, to HVAC, even Bluetooth connection queries are never in need of a ‘thunk.’ Think smartphone screen swipes and enjoy.

‘And the background’s fading, out of focus...’

Sport mode? Steering wheel-mounted shift paddles? Thumb locators? It may still be the familiar 3.5 V6 / 6-speed automatic front-driver combo, but there’s three modes to motivate you - Sport, Eco and Normal. Sport mode even tightens up the Electro-Steering, plus throttle blips for downshifts.

Who do you think you are? A Nissan 370Z? Wider tracks front and rear mean that out-of-focus could include a corner or five.

‘And your destination, you don’t know it...’

Actually, you do know it, thanks to standard Navi on the base MSRP of $36,800 for the Avalon XLE V6. It’s actual leather beneath you, expertly trimmed, with the first seat heaters up front that my Honey Bunches of Oats has EVER turned down.

Even rear seat can happen, on the Limited with Premium Package. Whatever the destination, it won’t be gobbling up as much fuel as before, thanks to a revised 3.46-to-1 final gear ratio, plus a weight reduction of 30 kg (115 pounds) over last year.

Toyota says a combined city/highway cycle consumption of 8.3 litres per 100 kilometres. We’re getting 9.5, which is none too shabby for wintry climes (Note: that is using Eco mode, or as we like to call it, 'Being Seen.') If you head over to the consumer webbie, Toyota speaks of the Avalon as a 'flagship reborn.' Scratch that; they finally have one. It’s worth a steer.