Cancer Survivors Network - Comments for "How to keep this disase from defining us?"http://csn.cancer.org/node/246653
Comments for "How to keep this disase from defining us?"en-csnIt is funny how this subject popped up.....http://csn.cancer.org/node/246653#comment-1284948
<p>I am also feeling somewhat down about where I am at. I have had fifteen chemos. Three more to go!! I'm ready to be done....but I do have this new fear. In some sense chemo has developed into a security blanket. I did think it ever would especially with starting and all the side effects especially the hair loss. But now that I'm coming to an end, I feel fear again. I am at that "what if" stage. I felt safe in chemo even with low blood counts because it meant the disease was at bay and being controlled. Now it will soon be over, and the fear of a possible reoccurance is overwhelming some times. I know....positive thinking....live life like the best you can....don't worry about your future....Easier said than done some times. I suppose it is a new normal that I have to deal with. On top of that, my genetic testing came out to be BRCA 1.... so what is that suppose to mean with already dealing with cancer once. Also the fear one of my four daughters will be positive for the gene and have my same path or worse. Some days it is easier to be positive than others. Kim</p>
Tue, 25 Sep 2012 03:32:19 +0000kimberly sue 63comment 1284948 at http://csn.cancer.orgCisplatin sucks.... Sincehttp://csn.cancer.org/node/246653#comment-1284810
<p>Cisplatin sucks.... Since this was my first go around with OC I don't know what any of the other chemos are like but I do know I never want to have to do that again... It is some strong stuff with some nasty side effects but I thank god every day now that she chose the big guns first time outta the gate. It got me NED and for that I will always be greatful to cisplatin.....</p>
Mon, 24 Sep 2012 23:13:19 +0000Glad to be donecomment 1284810 at http://csn.cancer.orgGlad, I am going to copyhttp://csn.cancer.org/node/246653#comment-1284608
<p>Glad, I am going to copy your remark about accepting the fact that cancer may come back but not counting the minutes till it does. Inspiring. Thankyou.</p>
Mon, 24 Sep 2012 14:12:54 +0000ConnieSWcomment 1284608 at http://csn.cancer.orgCisplatin is tough stuff! Ithttp://csn.cancer.org/node/246653#comment-1280056
<p>Cisplatin is tough stuff! It made me feel so weak during the last two rounds especially. I was too weak to even shower for 2-3 days when it took hold. All I kept saying to myself is " I will feel better tomorrow". I had to make myself focus on something positive. When we dont feel good it is easy to get down.<br />
You will feel normal again. Normal and NED!</p>
Fri, 14 Sep 2012 21:14:39 +00002timothy1 7comment 1280056 at http://csn.cancer.orgCarla - I agree with whathttp://csn.cancer.org/node/246653#comment-1279870
<p>Carla - I agree with what all the ladies said. Karen is right that it is always going to be there but we need to put it in the back of our mind instead of right out front. Being new to NED since the end of July I have little breakdowns where I feel like I am back.. I talked to my doc aebout it last Friday. She told me the dull stomach pains I get or back ache or the gas I get once in a while for a day or two are all part of my body healing from surgery and chemo (especially since I had the I P chemo). Unfortunately they are all also signs of a recurrence. She told me she wants me to live my life like I did prior to cancer and know that it is different now becase she is keeping a close on me. She said her job is to do the work mine is to enjoy life and let her know if I feel something arises. All of my healing symptoms come and go. She said she needs to know when they persist.</p>
<p>I work very hard on not making Cancer the main focus of my life. It is togh. I guess you could say I fight NED like I did cancer. I fight it with the "I can do this attitude". I know it could conme back. I have excepted it. But I refuse to count the minutes till it does.</p>
Fri, 14 Sep 2012 09:51:17 +0000Glad to be donecomment 1279870 at http://csn.cancer.orgIt can be a vicioushttp://csn.cancer.org/node/246653#comment-1279730
<p>It can be a vicious circle...if you let it. You are trying to learn to swim by jumping into the deep end of the pool! Start out small. What is it YOU want to do MOST(besides NOT have cancer?)When you are treating this illness,you have to take care of that first, then go after what you want most. Don't just say "Well, I need to do this, or I HAVE to do this". Really sit down and have a serious talk with yourself, then treat this cancer, then go after what you WANT. The rest will fall into place. I really had a hard time after the loss of an infant son. No advice, no group talks, no support, just me. Had to learn really fast to get out of that black hole or I was going to die there. Give yourself some time...you are one person who can't go full-tilt any more. You will be fine and will be NED again! Best, Debrajo</p>
Fri, 14 Sep 2012 01:15:44 +0000debrajocomment 1279730 at http://csn.cancer.orgIt can be a vicioushttp://csn.cancer.org/node/246653#comment-1279731
<p>It can be a vicious circle...if you let it. You are trying to learn to swim by jumping into the deep end of the pool! Start out small. What is it YOU want to do MOST(besides NOT have cancer?)When you are treating this illness,you have to take care of that first, then go after what you want most. Don't just say "Well, I need to do this, or I HAVE to do this". Really sit down and have a serious talk with yourself, then treat this cancer, then go after what you WANT. The rest will fall into place. I really had a hard time after the loss of an infant son. No advice, no group talks, no support, just me. Had to learn really fast to get out of that black hole or I was going to die there. Give yourself some time...you are one person who can't go full-tilt any more. You will be fine and will be NED again! Best, Debrajo</p>
Fri, 14 Sep 2012 01:15:44 +0000debrajocomment 1279731 at http://csn.cancer.orgIt can be a vicioushttp://csn.cancer.org/node/246653#comment-1279728
<p>It can be a vicious circle...if you let it. You are trying to learn to swim by jumping into the deep end of the pool! Start out small. What is it YOU want to do MOST(besides NOT have cancer?)When you are treating this illness,you have to take care of that first, then go after what you want most. Don't just say "Well, I need to do this, or I HAVE to do this". Really sit down and have a serious talk with yourself, then treat this cancer, then go after what you WANT. The rest will fall into place. I really had a hard time after the loss of an infant son. No advice, no group talks, no support, just me. Had to learn really fast to get out of that black hole or I was going to die there. Give yourself some time...you are one person who can't go full-tilt any more. You will be fine and will be NED again! Best, Debrajo</p>
Fri, 14 Sep 2012 01:15:05 +0000debrajocomment 1279728 at http://csn.cancer.orgIt can be a vicioushttp://csn.cancer.org/node/246653#comment-1279729
<p>It can be a vicious circle...if you let it. You are trying to learn to swim by jumping into the deep end of the pool! Start out small. What is it YOU want to do MOST(besides NOT have cancer?)When you are treating this illness,you have to take care of that first, then go after what you want most. Don't just say "Well, I need to do this, or I HAVE to do this". Really sit down and have a serious talk with yourself, then treat this cancer, then go after what you WANT. The rest will fall into place. I really had a hard time after the loss of an infant son. No advice, no group talks, no support, just me. Had to learn really fast to get out of that black hole or I was going to die there. Give yourself some time...you are one person who can't go full-tilt any more. You will be fine and will be NED again! Best, Debrajo</p>
Fri, 14 Sep 2012 01:15:05 +0000debrajocomment 1279729 at http://csn.cancer.orgI try very hardhttp://csn.cancer.org/node/246653#comment-1279725
<p>to keep from being defined by this disease. I don't like to talk about it much (except here) and I hardly ever say the word; cancer. I hate the word. But having said that it is on my mind all the time. It's just there. </p>
<p>I lost the man I spent 27 years with to a heart attack in 2007. A couple of years after he passed, a friend asked me how often I thought of him. I said he is on my mind all the time. She was surprised and said, I thought maybe you just thought about him once in a while. I said it's the same way you think about your kids or friends or job. It isn't always a concrete thought but it is there. I don't know if I explain that well. </p>
<p>That's how I feel about the monster. It's always there but it's not like I'm crying about it. It is a fact of my life. I just try to keep it in perspective and not let it have front and center. Sometimes it comes forward like today when I had the blood test for my latest CA 125. Now I will have to wait for the results and that will be on my mind.</p>
<p>I think once you feel better from the chemo you will see things differently. It took me the better part of a year to get rid of the aches and pains from treatment but I felt good otherwise. I still feel good now even though I have a tumor. But it is almost like the tumor isn't there because I have no symptoms. I want to make the most of times like this. I acknowledge feeling good and being alive each day. I am grateful to have this day. With recurrent ovarian cancer I know the future will bring difficult times but if I worry about that I won't really enjoy today. </p>
<p>As for the social security disability. I have told my story here before. I was old enough for social security so that is what I applied for. The SS worker applied for SS disability for me. I didn't think I would get it because my doctors said I could return to work if I wanted to. A couple of people told me; you'll get it but I didn't see how. I was approved. Then I found that there is a list you can find on the social security website that lists the conditions that "automatically qualify" someone. Ovarian cancer is on that list.</p>
<p>Sorry to ramble. It's sometimes hard to put all my feelings into words. </p>
<p>Karen</p>
Fri, 14 Sep 2012 01:00:25 +0000kikzcomment 1279725 at http://csn.cancer.org