It's old news....Ironman Lake Tahoe was canceled due to poor air quality thanks to the King fire. It was the right decision, but obviously could have been communicated at a better time and with a contingency plan that involved some type of reimbursement option. But hey....at least all the athletes got a one day ski pass to Squaw....slow clap? When the announcement was made, I was fully zipped up in my wetsuit, cap on, walking down to the water. As the announcer was speaking, I thought he would simply announce a shortened course, but that wasn't the case. When I heard the word "canceled", my eyes welled up with tears and I just. stood. there. feeling. so. lost. At a loss for words, for answers to all the unknowns in my head about that course and my preparation, and for a plan. What in the heck do we do now? Do we have an epic training day? We're already lubed up and fueled, why not? No. Terrible idea. Just walking around near Tahoe feels like you're hot boxing. Should we just get burritos? Yea, sure. What about beer? I guess, sure. Do we just go get our run gear and bikes, pack up and just drive home? Yep. And that was it....My good buddy Chris wasn't able to complete his first Ironman. My fiance wasn't able to dominate his age group after 3 years straight of missing Ironmans due to tough family health situations. And I wasn't able to see what I was made of. But, we were the lucky ones! We didn't have to travel by air to get there, we didn't bring our entire family along, we didn't have to pay for the house we crashed in and we were right back to training and work on Monday. I truly cannot imagine how other athletes are attempting to cope with a race that never was. That struggle is ongoing and is by no means "old news".When you're supposed to race an Ironman and then you don't, you begin to question A LOT of things. Such as, what's the point of all this anyway? Why do we care so much? What's the end game? What's the meaning of life after all? Yes I was having an existential struggle - my father and rhetoric professors would be proud. Then I stumbled across these 7 Questions about purpose. The author, Mark Manson reminded me that when you're feeling introspective, don't just search for difficult answers to obvious, broad sweeping questions (i.e. the ones above). Remember to ask tough, targeted questions....which might lead to more intuitive answers. Lucky for me, I was able to answer each question rather easily within the context of my current professional transition and focus on triathlon training (although I did struggle with #4 and half of #7). While each question needs context, here is the full list:1.WHAT IS TRUE ABOUT YOU TODAY THAT WOULD MAKE YOUR 8-YEAR-OLD SELF CRY?2. WHAT MAKES YOU FORGET TO EAT AND POOP?3. HOW CAN YOU BETTER EMBARRASS YOURSELF?4. HOW ARE YOU GOING TO SAVE THE WORLD?5. WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE FLAVOR OF SHIT SANDWICH AND DOES IT COME WITH AN OLIVE?6. GUN TO YOUR HEAD, IF YOU HAD TO LEAVE THE HOUSE ALL DAY, EVERY DAY, WHERE WOULD YOU GO AND WHAT WOULD YOU DO? 7. IF YOU KNEW YOU WERE GOING TO DIE ONE YEAR FROM TODAY, WHAT WOULD YOU DO AND HOW WOULD YOU WANT TO BE REMEMBERED? Departing shot of the smoke rolling into the swim start in Tahoe....

(I've been waiting quite a while to post this one, but now is a great time as I'm just over a week out from IM Tahoe. The ramp up in training has led to some reflection on how far I've come, how much work I've put in, and the freakin' awesome road ahead. Shit is getting real.)Here goes...I used to watch fast runners and say, “they make it look so easy”, as if to disregard their hard work, intense focus, and effort. At times, I’d take it one step further and make excuses for why it looks effortless for them - and seriously taxing for me. I’d say “they’re only that fast because they’re like 30 pounds lighter than a normal human”. How absurd. In hindsight, I’m embarrassed to admit that I actually used to say these things to myself.

It’s embarrassing because about 4 years ago I started putting in the work to get faster, go further, be stronger, and it hurt. It hurt like hell. It didn’t get any easier. In fact, it got harder….and…I went faster. I pushed myself through so many mental barriers, so many tough miles, brutal stair workouts (see left), and hill repeats. It left scars, which have contributed to the evolution of what “easy” and “hard” means to me. Progress is difficult, it disguises itself in getting dropped on group rides, throwing up in the middle of a treadmill workout, blowing up in a race and feeling people’s doubt in you. But it also exposes itself when you least expect it, and you shatter a concept of what “fast” or “better” or “fitter” means for you.

SIDE NOTE - I don’t want it to seem like I’ve never put in work before. I was probably one of the most obsessed soccer players I knew growing up. Frequently convincing the coach to do extra fitness after practice, staying late to work on shooting, making my dad put extra lights up in the backyard so I could practice my “moves” late at night (nerd alert!). The work was constant, I loved every minute of it. But I also always understood soccer, I understood how much skill, fitness and focus it required to be talented. Endurance sports, on the other hand, were foreign to me. I had to get to know these sports before I could be truly humbled by them. And oh lordie did my opinion of myself drop immensely as I first began to pursue distance running and cycling. But I got faster (it didn’t get easier) and I gained confidence in the process of hard work translating into results.

As I was saying about progress…

I’m assuming we all know this already, but let us be reminded: progress does not happen to you. It is not a passive string of coincidental circumstances, it is a relentless process that takes commitment and borderline obsession. So the next time you see someone running, riding, walking, cross-fitting, putting in overtime at the office, anything….remember to respect their process. Respect the work that led up to their current effort and fight the urge you might have to diminish it. Take time to admire their progress. Hell, learn from it.

And if you still feel like some people have it better and it’s “easier” for them, here’s a saying that’s been hugely helpful throughout my training…brought to you be a well-known cyclist, Greg LeMond: “It never gets easier, you just go faster”. Never, never, never underestimate how hard the person ahead of you is working, it is not easier just because they are going faster.

To properly cite sources, I stumbled upon this gem of a quote in The Rules (see rule #10) of cycling. Some of them are ridiculous, and some are perfect metaphors for life. I encourage you to read them.