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E3: Ubisoft

Nothing will disappoint me more than Ubisoft’s conference; I am forever waiting for an Assassin’s Creed: Rabbids Edition spin off that will never happen.

But anyway, Ubisoft kicked off their E3 show with a lovely little snippet of Far Cry 4, with the best thing E3 has seen yet. A monkey. Seriously. That monkey has made my day. The game then – stupidly – focused on violence and intimidation, introducing us to the series’ latest villain, who I’m pretty positive was voiced by Troy Baker. And though he was fun and all, he’s no monkey.

Five minutes in and the F-bomb had been dropped twice, the word shit was thrown around like the monkey had joined Aisha Tyler on stage for some faeces fun, and even the word bitch made a small cameo. Ubisoft brought its potty-mouth to E3. At least #girlwood has crawled up its own arsehole and died of pointlessness.

Off to a good start, the conference soon took a weird turn for the worst. Ubisoft took off from where Xbox left last year by showing us exactly what we did not want or need.

Shape Up was a crack-infused Wii Fit that looks as awful as the Eye of the Tiger cover that accompanied it, and Just Dance made silent discos look fun. It had Pharrell Williams. Happy. I was before. Saddy. I was soon after. And despite the fact that it actually looks okay, I still don’t regret using The Crew’s time on stage for a toilet break. I will forever remember that wise decision.

But there were highlights. Really good ones. And not just those with monkeys or the Raving Rabbids that peed on plants prior to the show’s start.

The Division looks intriguing as ever, even if Ubisoft are shoving it down our throats until we are sick of it.

Assassin’s Creed actually looked fluid – despite the fact the combat system showed how much it has not changed – and the coop is exciting. It is a shame that I am too bored of the series for coop to warrant a return. The French Revolution is an era the game has been begging for, and one of my favourite historical events; literary references should be abound in this game, if they are not, I will be very sad. Sadder than when I had to listen to Happy in the Just Dance preview.

Valiant Hearts: The Great War pulled of the use of dogs in war; it was at least more convincing than E3 2013’s bloody Call of Duty dogs. And the game actually makes a subtle approach to a heartfelt war game. We will just have to play the waiting game to see if it pulls that off. Even if it does not, it still looks bloody gorgeous.

And then, from nowhere, Rainbow 6 Siege rode in to our E3 in a blaze of glory. Well, kind of. I was not quite blown away by it as everybody else seems to be, but it looked interesting. It looked really interesting in a ‘nobody will ever play the game as tactical as that’ sort of way. But the level of destruction will be an interesting change for the series – my god, do those walls crumble – and the use of a cover system which looks very similar to Wolfenstein the New Order is welcomed; the cover system was the one thing that game 100% nailed.

Plus, I adored Rainbow Six: Vegas’s multiplayer mode; I preferred it to any Call of Duty game at least. It’s just nice to see the franchise return after waiting for Patriots – which, by the way, is dead.