Rutgers Cans Unhealthy Takeout Options

It appears the days of greasy takeout are numbered at Rutgers University.

“In a makeover of its dining hall menus, Rutgers University plans to eliminate chicken nuggets, hash browns and other unhealthy foods from its takeout section and incorporate more nutritious options in the all-you-can-eat cafeterias.

By the end of the fall semester, Rutgers expects chicken wings will be baked instead of fried, hot sauce from the jar will be replaced with fresh spices, and processed meats will be traded for poached salmon or turkey roasted and smoked by university chefs, among other changes.

The food on the new menus will be more than just healthy, it will be “absolutely good,” said Ian Keith, the Rutgers chef leading the menu overhaul.

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For Rutgers students, that means takeout chicken fingers will be replaced with grilled chicken, and hash browns will swapped out for Peruvian hash made from heirloom potatoes, spinach and roasted onions.

Instead of pork sausage, Rutgers will serve smoked chicken sausage with spinach on a whole grain English muffin. A new bagel bar will feature a vegetable cream cheese mixed at Rutgers and loaded with broccoli, squash and scallions.

Plant-based meal, such as tofu and broccoli stir fry, will become more prevalent.”

Boiling. My blood is boiling. More bad press for good old Rutgers. You can’t take away chicken nuggets and fries from a school cafeteria, you just can’t. That’s like taking bread and milk out of a supermarket. Baked chicken wings, fine. But replacing hot sauce with “fresh spices”? I must be poorly educated (I went to Rutgers) because I’m almost 25 and never knew that hot sauce was some destructive condiment for morbid gluttons. Learn something new every day. I love when Rutgers tries to be all fancy. One of my favorite saying is as follows. You. Can’t. Shine. A. Turd. Might get that put on my headstone (that day might be here sooner than I think from all that hot sauce). Actually I had to look this up because I just don’t buy it. Here’s what I found:

“But let’s not ignore all the benefits of hot sauce because it really does do a lot of good for the body. Capsaicin, which is responsible for making chilis spicy, has been reported to decrease inflammation, relieve soreness and help fight prostate cancer.”

“Spicy peppers have amazing health benefits, but there’s a catch, of course. If spicy food is your thing, you could be eating your way to better health via your favorite condiment. A recent scientific study says hot sauce is good for you, especially if it’s paired with a little fat.”

Could be fake news but go ahead and ask me if I trust Google or Rutgers more. Damn. Tough one. I also love how the chef spearheading this says it will be “really good” Now I’m sold! Get this guy on Shark Tank with that pitch! Last time I trusted someone at Rutgers (an advisor) I ended up being a senior on the verge of not being able to graduate. The roasted turkey doesn’t sound too bad but the “chicken sausage with spinach on a whole grain English muffin” and the “vegetable cream cheese mixed at Rutgers and loaded with broccoli, squash and scallions” and “tofu and broccoli stir fry” is where I draw the line. This isn’t going to make students healthier. It’s going to leave them emaciated! There are two ways to curb hunger at Rutgers now. Drugs… and this new menu. At least it shouldn’t be too hard to fit into that formal dress now right? You want to make students healthier? How about renovating the College Ave Gym? Make it less of a sweaty shoebox and more of a, ya know, health and wellness facility? Or how about extending the hours? Maybe people want to get a lift or run in past 6pm on a Saturday before they get shitfaced? This news is tough to swallow both literally and figuratively but hey, at least you can wash it down with a coke product now =).