I am no pizza snob. I have no formal culinary education. I’ve never worked in a pizza place. I’m not even Italian. It’s far from my place to critique pizza. I’ve eaten a lot of pizza and have a working mouth, sure, but that doesn’t qualify me to comment on a pizza more than any other random American. But like a good American, despite my total lack of qualification to voice my opinion on a subject, I am going to anyway. This pickle pizza looks disgusting.

This isn’t even really a pizza at this point, right? There’s no pizza sauce/marinara. This is just a pickle and garlic flatbread. (Also gross.) Though a pure-blooded Italian would be appalled by me saying this, pizza is, to be fair, an adaptable food. You can do a lot with it. And yeah, I guess objectively speaking a pickle pizza isn’t more of a bastardization than a BBQ chicken pizza. But also I don’t care I would still barf in my lap after taking a bite of this.

That Rhino’s Pizzeria & Deli sells 30 of these pizzas in a day is stunning. I’m sure this place is otherwise delicious — even the garlic sauce they put on their pickle pizza sounds good — but it’s mistifying that so many people want to eat a pizza full of pickles. Whatever. You do you, pickle loving residents of Webster, New York.