A blog written in the dead of night and delivered to you in a brown paper bag. It’s a cornucopia of tidbits, rants, and observations for the discerning eye. Good luck with all that. Now, for something completely different!

Apparently these two weren’t receiving enough attention lately. So, to rectify that oversight, Paula Jones and Gennifer Flowers have teamed up for their own website. On it you can watch them relate tales of illicite experiences the two had with Bill Clinton and it’s only for the low low price of $1.99 a pop. I guess they just wanted to have their own Pay-per-view. Yes it seems the two are broke as well. Since they haven’t had any tabloid attention in years it seems their flash in the pan celebrity status has dried up. The two were out in front of the Clinton Presidential library Monday hucking their site. “It’s a way we can get our story out there in our own words, without someone making their own interpretations or corrections,” Jones said. In other words, you can lie your ass off and not get caught by some savvy newperson has actually done their homework. Yea, I can see where that presents problems. Well, it’s always amusing to watch has beens try to recapture glory days.

ROMANIAN JET FIGHTER COLLIDES WITH UFO

A report that has been recently leaked shows that a Romanian jet fighter had a collision with a UFO. Chief investigator Commander Nicolae Grigorie said in the report: ‘We can definitely say what this thing was not, but we cannot say what it was.’ Romanian defence ministry officials have ruled out all normal types of collision such as birdstrikes, ice or small meteorites. Pilot Marin Mitrica was slightly injured but managed to land the plane safely after the incident last year. According to the report, the cockpit was completely shattered during a training flight over Transylvania and it was recorded on an inflight video. I’m sure we’ll never get to see that one. Transylvania, I wonder if they were bats, or maybe a vampire returning home. You need to give those creatures of the night lots of airspace.

SEX IN THE CONFESSIONAL.

People have made love in a lot of strange places but this one just about takes the prize. In Cesena, Italy a couple were caught having sex in a confessional box while mass was going on. They say those Italians are hot-blooded. The couple’s lawyer says they had been drinking too much and had gone too far. That demon alcohol will get you every time. Although I have to admit I’ve never heard that little devil on my shoulder whispering “Have sex in the confessional, go ahead, I know you want to.” It haas been reported that the couple have repented and asked forgiveness. They’re going to be “Hail Mary”ing for awhile on that one. Last week the bishop celebrated a “Mass of reparation” in the cathedral where the confessional box incident took place to make up for the sacrilege. Hopefully they also celebrated a good hosing down with a lot of disinfectant.

MAN SHOT IN HEAD WITH NAIL GUN

George Chandler of Shawnee, Kansas was outside working on a project when the cord for his nail gun got tangled. It accidentally went off and a nail was shot into his head. “It never did really what you call hurt,” the Shawnee man said Wednesday. He says he only felt a little sting. Chandler said his friend Phil Kern was using a nail gun to mount lattice on Chandler’s deck when a hose on the powerful tool became caught. He stood up just as Kern tried to free the gun and it discharged. At first, they couldn’t locate the nail. But then Kern saw it, he ordered Chandler to sit down while he called 911. Dude, look where you’re pointing that thing. An emergency room doctor tried unsuccessfully to remove the nail with a pair of pliers.”He looked at me and said, ‘I need a claw hammer,'” Chandler recalled. “I thought, ‘Ah, he’s just teasing.'”So the doctor borrowed a claw hammer from a worker to finish the job and sent Chandler home with a few stitches. “He got a screwdriver at the same time, and he took the screwdriver and pried the nail up a little bit and got the claw hammer,” Chandler said. You know, maybe taking some off classes like carpentry for your medical degree can come in handy. The doctor was probably a fan of “This Old House.” It brings to mind the old axiom, “If all else fails, get a bigger hammer.”

HOLLYWOOD WALK OF FAME STAR FOR AN APE?

You bet. Cheeta the famous movie chimp deserves a star. I know I was entertained for endless hours watching those Tarzan movies with the antics of Cheeta taking center stage. There were times he upstaged the actors. Believe it or not, the 76-year-old chimp, who the Guinness World Records has called the oldest living, non-human primate, is retired and lives in Palm Springs. Cheeta also has a MySpace page, which lists painting “Ape-Stract Art” among his hobbies, and The Monkees his favorite band. Now there is a petiton going around to get him a star on the Walk of Fame. Actually, this is the seventh attempt at it. Other animal stars like Lassie and Rin Tin Tin are there. Heck even Godzilla and Donald Duck are there and they aren’t even real. Cheeta has certainly paid his dues and deserves this coveted recognition. Heck I say why stop there, lifetime achievement award from the Academy. Go here to help correct this sad error and give some love to Cheeta. http://www.ipetitions.com/petition/GoCheeta/ He’s been waiting a long time for this. Let’s not disappoint him.

I'm an Author, Journalist, Columnist, Photographer, Editor and Publisher and have been writing for about 30 years. For several years I published my own magazine about Michigan's Upper Peninsula. I live in Sault Sainte Marie, Michigan. Currently I've been blogging around the internet - MAKE SURE YOU CHECK OUT MY OTHER HUMOR BLOG "What Were They Thinking?" AT: http://mikelclassen.wordpress.comTo learn more about the writer behind the blog, go his website at www.mikelclassen.com Sign the guestbook while you're there.