One thing that the colossal success of New Moon has taught us is that you can sell teenage girls absolutely anything. Another thing New Moon has taught us is that vampires and werewolves are officially cool again.

Sort of. The monsters in New Moon have had to adapt to the times to succeed - that's why the lead vampire in New Moon isn't a Romanian with slicked-back hair who shouts "I vant to suck your blood!" and then turns into a bat - he's a sallow-looking chap who talks about his feelings and sparkles like a fairy whenever the sun gets too bright. And, unless I'm mistaken, the werewolf appears to be the Mr September model from the 2004 Moody Topless Hunks calendar.

But if vampires and werewolves can successfully reinvent themselves as sappy romantic leads in their own teenage dramas, what about all the other old movie monsters? There are hundreds of them knocking around, and they're all just as outsider-y as vampires and werewolves. Surely they'd look just as cool staring into the middle distance for interminable periods of time to the sound of Paramore. Isn't it about time they started cashing in on Twilight fever?

Well, yes and no. Of all the classic movie monsters out there, only a few would be suited to the New Moon treatment. Let's find out which of them will be most suitable.

Creature from the Black LagoonAn almost perfect candidate for a Twilight makeover. The Creature is a moody loner who's prone to long silences. What's more, as the original movie demonstrated, he's perfectly capable of acting creepy around women who are much younger than he is. Plus, he spends most of his time in the water, which means he'd get to walk around in a wet shirt all the time. He's basically Mr Darcy with gills. Sign him up immediately.

The Invisible ManNo. Sorry to break this to you, The Invisible Man, but you could never be New Mooned. You're invisible, you see, and what's the point of an invisible heartthrob? Are teenage girls going to squeal when they see your rock-hard abs? No, because they're invisible. Are boys going to start copying your ridiculous unkempt haircut? No, because that's invisible too. If young girls can't do kissing practice on the movie poster version of you, the film will never sell. That's a fact.

The Mole PeopleThis is more like it. What have the Mole People got? That's right – great big eyes. True, in the original the eyes were terrifying and unblinking and deathly, but what if we popped some guyliner around the edges and made them ocean blue? The girls would go crazy! What's more, grabbing someone by the ankles and dragging them underground to their certain death is a clear allegory for unmarried sex, so that's that angle covered as well.

Hannibal LecterWhat was the scariest thing about Hannibal Lecter? Probably his receding hairline. Replace him with a 21-year-old who's got a full head of lustrous hair, rub a barrel of gel through it and we're laughing. Also, that whole "eating people" thing is a bit off-putting – let's keep him in a muzzle, but make it a figurative muzzle ... of loneliness. Yes, that'll work.

The BlobIf the Blob was played by an unstoppable gelatinous mass? No. But if the Blob was played by, say, Zac Efron? We'll be millionaires overnight!