Veliko Turnovo is a small town in central Bulgaria. It's a beautiful, former capital (in the olden days), with a nice little old town, a university, an old fortress, and a ton of hills. If your wondering, It was also home to the infamous gypsy-midget (I know I should say little person, but it just doesn't sound the same). He was a dude that lived in Turnovo when I lived there about 11 years ago; we used to give each other a hard time. Interesting guy though.

We had a great time in Turnovo. We visited the fortress which is kind of interesting, bought some pottery, drank the best tea of my life, and ate a ridiculous amount of shopska salata (Bulgarian for shopska salad, duh) from a balcony overlooking the old city. Bulgarian tomatoes will completely change your idea of what a good tomato tastes like. They are so good, they ruin all other tomatoes.

The lowlight of our stay in Turnovo had to be our first night in the hostel. We stayed in a great hostel (Hostel Mostel), but we slept in a 12 person dorm with bunk beds. This normally isn't a problem, but the German dude sleeping two feet from my face smelled like the worst homeless person you've ever smelled in your life. To steal from Louis C.K.: "He was piss. He didn’t just smell like piss, he was— when you piss, he comes out." His smell (a mixture of B.O., halitosis, dirty feet, satan diarrhea, and gangrene) permeated the entire hostel. The stench would come in waves as he wandered around the hostel, unfortunately he ignored the shower room. Then to make the night worse, some fool started snoring so, so ridiculously loud. It wasn't even snoring it was a mixture of grunting, snorting, and moaning. It was the sound a killer whale would make scraping its teeth on a chalk board while being harpooned and orgasming at the same time. Horrible. The night was terrible; an all out attack on my senses. If somebody would have made me eat a sloppy joe while looking at a picture of Guy Fieri, my body would have shutdown. Nobody could survive that. Luckily, we made it through the night and enjoyed the rest of our stay in Veliko Turnovo.

Also in unrelated, but equally terrifying news: I almost accidentally peed on a homeless dog. It had made a nest on the side of a dark alley and I didn't see it. Jared saved me. Who knows, human pee could have some sort of a "gremlin effect" on homeless Bulgarian dogs. You know multiplying when they get wet. Close call, but the dog still smelled better than the smelly German dude.

Turnovo was an adventure. It really is a beautiful city. You should look at pictures online if you don't trust me. We also bought a really nice painting from a Bulgarian artist that we've loved for 10 years.