Monday, July 20, 2009

You might think we live in a free country, but you'd be wrong! The government still wants to control how and where you eat — but it's time to rise up and fight the powers that be!

1. Greene, NY: It's against the law to eat peanuts and walk backwards down the street while a concert is playing.That's just not right! Everyone knows that walking backwards whilst listening to music is the BEST POSSIBLE WAY to eat peanuts! Brethren of New York, rise up!!

2. Massachusetts: At a wake, mourners may eat no more than three sandwiches.What, mourners aren't allowed to have a healthy appetite? Grief is hard work; and sometimes the best way to remember someone is with lots of sandwiches. Bob would have wanted it this way.

3. Beech Grove, IN: It is forbidden to eat watermelon in the park.This is so typical of Big Government, trying to get their hands on your life. Why do the city fathers of Beech Grove hate watermelon picnics so much? WHAT ARE THEY HIDING??

4. Riverside, CA: One may not carry a lunch down the street between 11 and 1 o’clock.So: no lunches outside, then? Why not, Riverside?? Are you afraid of what might happen if people were free to eat their lunches anywhere?!

5. Maryland: It's against the law to eat while swimming in the ocean.Another oppressive law that must be overthrown. If you live anywhere near Maryland or can afford to travel there, please please go there and swim and eat. We need to end the madness. Also, animals apparently violate this law all the time.

6. Marion, OH: It's a violation to eat a donut while walking backwards.This guy sez: “How dare you try to tell me how to eat my donut! This is America!!”

7. Carmel, NY: It's illegal to eat ice cream while standing on the sidewalk.So that's vague. Can I walk and eat ice cream on the sidewalk? What about sitting on the sidewalk with my cone? Running? Laying down? Well, Carmel????

8. Rosemead, CA: Eating ice cream in public with a fork is prohibited.Nobody does this, of course. But that's not the point. The point is that THEY SHOULD BE ABLE TO EAT ICE CREAM WITH A FORK IF THEY WANT TO.

9. California: It is illegal to eat an orange in your bath tub.This is beyond stupid — a totally unenforceable law for a totally safe activity that any consenting adult can engage in. Take to your bathtubs, Californians.

10. Boston: It is illegal to eat peanuts in church.Again with the peanuts!! Sure, it may be disrespectful to some if you're going to town on a bag o' nuts during Sunday Service, but do you really think God cares? Why else would we have hands, if not to eat wherever we please?