Set Your Burdens Down

Summary:

Sometime after season two, the pack has settled. They still get supernatural trouble coming through Beacon Hills now and again, but they know how to deal with it. Derek's settled into being an alpha, and the pack bonds are strong. But then Derek comes to Stiles, asking for help: he's a sub, and being the alpha 24/7 is taking its toll.

As the two of them test out new ways of being together, as friends, Dom and sub, and more, other relationships in the pack begin to shift. Scott offers Isaac the support of a Dom, but expanding Scott and Allison's relationship to make space for him takes a lot of negotiation.

Chapter Text

Derek sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose as he listened to Erica squeal out of his driveway. He hated getting onto any of his betas. And not just because they were always upset afterwards. Being an alpha was hard. What made it even harder was not being a Dom, like most alphas. Derek was a sub - a sub who was very quickly losing his mind. He knew he needed help. But who? Oh, he knew who. The only person that wouldn't take advantage of this, that wouldn't just laugh him out of the building, and that wouldn't try to fight him for his title of alpha. Stiles. Derek swallowed hard, reaching out to grab Stiles’ arm as the others started to leave. "Need to talk to you," he muttered.

Stiles rolled his eyes. "What is it now?" he complained.

"Just don't leave yet." Derek frowned, waiting until the others were out of earshot before sighing a little, letting his shoulders slump, and finally, just about collapsing onto the couch. "I need your help," he admitted after a long moment..

Stiles stared. He had never - never - seen Derek like that. "Uh - what is it?" he asked after a minute.

Derek couldn't help the flush that fought to cover his face. He managed to force it down, leaning forward so he could rest his elbows on his knees, face in his hands. This put him even closer to Stiles, the scent of him making his chest rumble with what he called a growl, but his sister...his sister had always said it was a purr. "I'm - I'm a..." Come on, Derek, spit it out. "I'm a sub," he finally managed to force out, unconsciously trying to tuck his shoulders up, his eyes flashing even though they were covered. He was a sub. An alpha sub.

What. The fuck. Stiles bit his lip, hard, so he wouldn't say any of what he was thinking. Derek, a sub? With the shoving, and the growling, and the leather jackets? But even as he thought it, Stiles could think of all the times Derek had let him shove back. And the way Derek had let Peter lead him, just because Peter was his family. And how awkward a leader he had been at the start. "You're a sub?" Stiles asked quietly.

Derek just nodded, unable to say it again. God, it was hard enough to admit the first time. "I need help," he managed to say. "I can’t..." He trailed off, his hands shifting to clutch at his hair, his eyes flashing alpha red. He knew Stiles would pick it up. The constant emotional reactions, the temper issues. All because he wasn't able to stop dominating because of the alpha title. Fighting his own biology...

Well, shit. It's not like subs really needed to be submissive all the time, despite the societal bullshit that implied they did. But when stressed, Doms usually found it reassuring to be in control for a little while. And subs found it relaxing to not have to control anything. If Derek was a sub, with every stressful situation for the pack forcing him to take on more and more control... "When was the last time you subbed?" Stiles asked, worried.

Derek couldn't help his snort. "Last time I completely subbed? Or just answered to someone else?" he couldn't help but ask, his voice dry. Oh, he remembered the last time he'd been in subspace, alright.

"Either." Stiles was a switch, and he'd subbed platonically for Scott a few times when his anxiety was really bad. Not that he'd gone into his space or anything, but something like that could help ease things a bit.

"Last time in subspace was two hours before the fire," Derek forced out, fighting his shift at the memory. "Subbing in general was before Laura came here."

Fuck. "That's pretty shitty, dude," Stiles said, for lack of anything better to say. He wasn't going to speculate on whatever happened in the scene before the fire. Not now, anyway. "Tell me what you need."

"If I knew that I'd be a little more eloquent," Derek snarked, his voice weary. "I just. I need to submit. But it won't be easy, I can tell. I just...alpha." He groaned. "Instincts are going to fight, but I need to, I can't keep going like this, I'll end up doing something horrible without thinking."

"To the pack or to you?" Stiles asked, worried.

*

"Both." Derek fisted at his hair again, his claws slipping out and cutting at his scalp.

Derek nodded, still fighting an internal battle, but a hug sounded nice. He hadn't had many of those lately.

Stiles wrapped one arm around Derek's shoulders, tugging him in. It wasn't a proper hug, not a real Stilinski Hug (TM), but it was a start. "I'm not going to try to put you down in your space right now," he murmured in Derek's ear. "I'm not going to try to Dom you at all. Right now, I just want to be your friend, someone you don't have to look after or watch out for. You don't have to be an alpha right now. You can relax."

Derek sucked in a breath, leaning into the embrace, the words loosening something in his chest. As much as he knew subspace would help, right this second trying to get there would cause more harm than good. "Thank you."

"You're welcome," Stiles replied, his mind racing as he tried to think of the best thing to do. "Okay, so, I'm a switch, right? So sometimes I hypothetically would Dom and sometimes I'd sub. So maybe what we can do is that we can hang out, and whichever way you feel, I can go with that. Not that I'd actually, like, blindly follow you or anything, but it's not like it's gonna hurt my ego if you don't submit, yeah?"

Derek nodded, as usual, wanting to slow down the rambling that tended to pour from Stiles' mouth. This could help though. It'd be hard enough to work past his instincts to submit; this way it could be a bit more balanced.

"But dude, whenever you need to relax, you can come hang out with me, okay?" Stiles went on. "Well, not when I'm at school and stuff, obviously. But you can hang out with me when I'm at home. And if you wanna - if you want to try kneeling, at any point, then that's cool too."

Derek watched Stiles for a moment, his heart warming without his permission. Stiles really did care and was trying to make him comfortable. "That may work. Sooner or later it may come to the point you're going to have to force it though." he warned, wanting Stiles to know what he was getting into.

"Derek," Stiles said seriously. "When you want to try going down, I will be there, and I will help you as much as you want me to help you. Okay?"

Derek nodded. "It won't be that easy though,” he admitted. "Not with me being an alpha."

Stiles frowned. "It's more than that, isn't it," he said grimly. "It's like how hearing my name after Mom died would give me panic attacks."

*

Derek closed his eyes, nodding. "But I can't keep on like I have been," he forced himself to admit, his clawed hands going back into his hair.

"Derek, don't do that," Stiles said instantly, then softened it with a quiet, "Please." He reached up and took Derek's hand, drawing it gently down and away. "You shouldn't hurt yourself. Please don't."

Derek blinked at the sharp order, the quiet plea just making him look over in surprise. "You really can Dom, can't you?" he mused, letting his hand be led away from his hair.

"Being a switch is a real thing, you know," Stiles said wryly.

"Doesn't mean I could see you too much into an actual stern Dom." Derek snorted, his claws finally melting away.

"There's no point 'playing Dom' when everyone reads you as a sub," Stiles said, not too bitterly. "Easier to just not project,"

"I didn't read you as a sub," Derek offered, flushing and putting his face back into his hands. "And you're the only one I can trust with this."

Stiles had his own opinions about that, but he could see why he was the obvious candidate. "Hey, it's okay," he promised. "We'll work this out."

"I don't trust the others with this," Derek managed to say, trembling. "I wouldn't be asking for help if it wasn't so bad. God, why can't I keep myself under control!" he snarled.

"How is feeling like I'm constantly fighting myself a good job?" Derek stood, pacing back and forth across the living room rug.

"Are your betas doing a good job on the full moon?" Stiles pointed out. "They feel like they're fighting themselves."

*

Derek took a deep breath. "They're still learning," he murmured. He crossed his arms, his claws digging into his biceps as he slowed his pace.

"Okay, hang on a sec," Stiles said, getting up to rummage in his backpack. Bingo! He kept a stress ball with him usually, because having something to occupy his hands with helped keep him focused. He tossed it gently to Derek. "If you need to claw something, claw that."

Derek snatched it out of the air, raising his eyebrows at the stress ball before curling his first, claws digging into it, but not puncturing it or his hand. He sat down where he was, flexing and relaxing his hand, transfixed on the ball. "Where'd you get this? Never seen one this strong."

Stiles smiled, relieved to see Derek distracted from hurting himself. "The internet holds many marvels," he said.

Derek snorted in amusement, continuing to play with the stress ball, the holes in his henley already showing unblemished skin. "Thank you."

“You're welcome," Stiles said. "Keep it. I'd rather you had it, and weren't cutting yourself up all the time."

"I heal," Derek shrugged, looking up to Stiles. The simple height difference between Stiles on the couch and himself on the floor made his stomach swoop.

"It still hurts," Stiles countered. "It's the hurting I care about, not the scars."

Derek lowered his head back to watch his claws attempt to puncture the ball. "I hurt a lot," he murmured. "And not just me."

"You help, too," Stiles said quietly.

Derek just shook his head, his eyes flashing. "I have to stay in control," he insisted, more to himself than to Stiles. "I have to. All the time. I.." He took a deep breath. "I can't do it all the time. I can't continue on like this. But I have to. I'm the alpha."

"Not with me," Stiles replied firmly. "You're my packmate, but I don't need you to be my Alpha. You can just be my friend, Derek."

Derek's hold on the stress ball tightened. "And if you're in trouble?" He asked.

"Then I need you to be my badass werewolf friend," Stiles said with a shrug.

Derek relaxed, watching Stiles closely. "And if I need more?"

Stiles frowned, confused. "Like what?" he asked.

"What if being a friend isn't what I need at that point?" Derek asked, gripping the ball so hard his hand was trembling. "If I end up hurting someone or myself, if I lose control..."

Oh. "I'd stop you," Stiles promised, coming over and resting his hand on Derek's shoulder, crouching to meet his eyes. "I won't let you have that memory to live with."

"You sure you can?" Derek asked, not even meaning it rudely. He just wanted to make sure Stiles could. He was the alpha, after all.

Stiles pulled out from under his shirt the necklace he always wore these days - a vial of mountain ash on a silver chain. "I'll stop you," he promised again.

"I can control you if I need to," Stiles murmured, glad he'd found something that reassured Derek. "I can keep you safe."

"Thank you." Derek whispered, his hands still trembling. "It's going to end up going that route, I know it will."

"Maybe it won't," Stiles said hopefully. "Maybe we can get this sorted before it gets that bad."

"Hopefully. But Doubt it. " Derek was a pessimist, he knew this.

"I'll do my best to help you," Stiles promised. "And if it's not enough, I'll stop you. Okay?"

Derek listened closely to Stiles' heart, relaxing even more when it didn't skip. "Thank you."

"I'm really impressed by how well you've been handling this, you know," Stiles said quietly. "It can't be easy."

Derek unconsciously relaxed at the small bit of praise. "It drives me insane. Feels like two halves of me are constantly fighting."

"I can imagine," Stiles replied. "Well, I can't, not really. But still. It must suck,"

Derek nodded, taking a deep breath. "I'm sorry if my grabbing you like that caused you any pain." He didn't know how hard he gripped sometimes. "I just didn't know exactly how to get your attention when everyone was leaving..."

"Hey, no, you're good," Stiles promised, pushing his sleeve up so Derek could see pale, unmarked skin. "You're much better calibrated than the others with this stuff."

"Calibrated." Derek couldn’t help but snort, taking Stiles arm carefully, turning it this way and that, trying to sniff out any bruising.

"Do you have a better word?" Stiles pointed out. "I'm fine, Derek. And I'm glad you stopped me. You did good."

Derek let out a small sound, ducking his head and letting go of Stiles' arm. He had a tiny smile on his face, his chest tightening, even as part of him rejected it fiercely.

Shit. Was there a way to praise Derek that wouldn't make him tense up like that? "You're a good alpha," Stiles tried. "You do a good job looking after us."

Derek shook his head, smelling the way Stiles felt bad for a split second. "It's not that I don't like the praise," he murmured, forcing words out. "I just have one part of me screaming while the other purrs like a kitten."

"Well, Doms should get praise too," Stiles said, frowning. "And so should alphas. That part of you doesn't need to be screaming, so why is it? What's wrong with being praised?"

"Sometimes I don't know why it's screaming," Derek admitted. "Though I think this time it's because it knows what I need, and it's not happy with it. Demanding more control."

"Let's try something," Stiles suggested. "How about I stay down here and you get up, and you ask me things. You're in control then, right?"

"Ask you what?" Derek was a bit bewildered, to be honest.

"I dunno," Stiles said with a shrug. "What I think of you, I guess. Whatever you feel like you need to know."

Derek shook his head. "Don't think I would work." He stood up anyway. "I am curious on what you do think of me though."

Stiles settled, cross-legged on the floor and tilted his head back to look up at Derek. Being here would be kind of nice if Derek wasn't having these issues, but he was, so... "Well, I used to think you were kind of a dick," he admitted. "I know you better now, though. You have a guilt complex the size of the sun and it's freaking you out all the time."

Derek blinked, shifting from foot to foot. "What changed your mind?"

"Getting to know you, I guess," Stiles said. "I mean, I disagree with a lot of things about how you handled the kanima situation, but looking back, I can see you were just really worried, and you had this sense of urgency about it, you know? And it meant a lot to me, the way you saved Scott. He's never been supportive of you, and especially then he wasn't being anything but aggressive towards you, but you prioritised his well being over your own, and over your need to catch the kanima."

Derek shifted again. "You're very perceptive," he admitted. "Tell me, Stiles," he leaned over just a bit, "do you dream of me?"

Derek grinned toothily. "I hear you say my name an awful lot during my rounds." he admitted. "So it made me wonder. And you did say to ask anything I'd like."

"Can I call veto on this?" Stiles asked awkwardly, rubbing the back of his head. "Because, uh, I kinda want to call veto on this."

Derek nodded, going over to plop down on the couch. "Of course," he said. "I'm not going to make you do something you don't want to."

"Thanks," Stiles replied, drawing his knees up to his chest. "Just...my dreams are for me."

"Sorry," Derek murmured, feeling that he may have crossed a line he shouldn't have.

"It's...it's fine," Stiles muttered. "I told you to ask whatever."

"Stiles," Derek sighed, steepling his hands, his elbows on his knees as he leaned forward. "What, exactly, bothered you with that question?"

Stiles sighed. "Do you know how embarrassing it is, to look back on the last decade of my life and know that everyone who's known me in that time knows that I pined, constantly, pointlessly, and pathetically, for Lydia? I want to keep my private life private."

"Stiles, I wouldn't have told anyone, or made fun of you, or anything like that. And who cares if you wanted Lydia? Your feelings are your own." Derek reached out, running his fingers through Stiles hair, trying to soothe him. "And I'm sorry if I made you feel like you felt when you'd talk about how much you wanted Lydia."

Stiles looked up, trying to gauge Derek's sincerity. "I'm easy to make fun of," he said quietly. "I've gotten good at brushing it off, but that doesn't mean I like it."

"I would never make fun of you,” Derek promised. "Especially with who you care about."

"Fine." Derek leaned back into the couch. He watched Stiles for a moment, sucking in a deep breath to try and figure out why he seemed so weary.

Stiles shook his bad mood off as he often did, and said, "Enough about me. We were trying to help you with your problems."

"Doesn't mean we can't help yours." Derek shrugged, staying where he was, spread out on the couch, weary and exhausted. "I don't like fighting myself. It's exhausting, and it's taking it's toll on me."

"Is this gonna be a 'if you would have peace, prepare for war' situation, or do you think you might be able to reconcile them?" Stiles asked.

"What?" That got a startled chuckle from Derek, rolling his head to look over to the other man. "If you're asking if I'll be able to make both of them happy, I have no idea."

Stiles grinned, glad for the change of mood. "So let's be logical about this shit. Do some research. What do you, as an alpha, need?"

Derek grumbled, shifting on the couch. "Sorry. But you are pack, Stiles. If you meant not a were. I'm not sure"

"It was just a thought experiment, dude," Stiles explained. "I was thinking that the recursion of you trying to control your pack, including me, and me trying to control you at the same time would probably not be the most helpful thing.”

"While that may be truem you're one of the only ones that can push past the instincts. And the only one I trust." Derek sighed, rubbing his face.

"Thanks," Stiles said quietly. "Okay. What about - what does it mean, to 'control your pack'?"

"Helping control their shifts. As well as making sure they don't do stupid shit," Derek shrugged.

"I don't shift," Stiles pointed out.

Derek nodded. "You're pack, but you aren't a beta. Does that make sense?"

Derek looked up at where Stiles was leaning over him a bit, licking his lips. "I want to," he finally settled on.

"Okay," Stiles said, a little shakily. "Okay. Then these are your standing orders, for all the time. Control your betas. Protect our pack. Stop any of us, including me, from doing stupid things without thinking about them. Avoid getting hurt when there's another option. Tell me when you need me. Got that?"

Derek took a deep breath, closing his eyes and letting the orders sink in. Oddly enough, his alpha instincts were happy with it - he got the impression of an eyeroll from them more than anything else. "Yes sir."

Stiles wrestled with himself for a moment, then tentatively replied, "Good boy."

Derek sucked in a breath, all but turning into a puddle on the couch, his muscles loosening and his posture easing. He didn't think about it, but praise had always affected him nicely. And no amount of grumbling from his instincts would ruin the warmth growing in his chest.

"Nothing more than a snort," Derek murmured, his eyes closed. "And yeah, it felt good."

Stiles reached out to take Derek's hand, turning it over and exploring it with touch. "You're so good, Derek," he said quietly, searching for things Derek would find reassuring. "You're a good alpha, and you're caring, and you look after your pack..."

Derek let out a soft sound, hand completely relaxed as Stiles played with it, comfortable for the first time in a while. The praise falling from Stiles’ mouth even making his instincts calm, purring at the validation.

Stiles didn't think he'd ever seen Derek like this. Content. The expression was foreign, but so, so welcome on the other man's face.

Derek enjoyed the touch, the relaxation. That is, until he felt one of the pack bonds twang like a plucked cord. He breathed in sharply, shooting up. "Stay here," he said as another cord was yanked. "Something's wrong." His eyes were red, voice low and gravelly.

"Something's wrong with Scott and Isaac. They're hurt. Stay here." Derek stretched, focusing on the bonds to see where his betas were.

"I want to help," Stiles objected. "What if you need me?"

"Then I will tell you I need you," Derek turned. "Please. Stay here. You'll be safe here. I'll bring them here too. If you want to help, get cleaning materials and the extra clothes. Please."

"I really, really don't like this," Stiles muttered. But if he challenged Derek now, right after establishing that he respected Derek as alpha...he could only hope that Scott and Isaac didn't need him to help more than Derek needed him to stay. "At least get someone else to help you? Boyd, maybe."

Derek could only nod. "I'll call him in on my way." He gave into the instant press in his chest, pulling Stiles into a tight hug. "I'll be back with the boys," he murmured. "Promise." He went ahead and shed his shirt, hooking it over Stiles' shoulder, trying to get his scent on the other man. He took a deep breath through his nose before bolting out of the door, following the pack bonds and calling Boyd at the same time.

"Good luck," Stiles called, wishing there was more he could do. Except maybe...he texted Lydia. There's weirdness in the pack bonds. Can you sense trouble?

Not currently. Don't feel like busting any eardrums either- LM

Thanks. That's reassuring - SS

After a moment's thought, he also contacted Allison. Derek says there's trouble. Any word on your end? - SS

Kinda busy. Shooting fairies. Fast little buggers - AA

Fairies. Okay. That was manageable. Fairies were mischief makers, and certainly no-one wanted to get elf-shot, but given a strong enough defense, they were likely to retreat, and they could be placated. Stiles finally relaxed.

Notes:

We are so excited to share this with all of you! This one's been in the works for a while, so we're really pleased to finally show you. If you haven't read one of Kattseye's and my collaborations before, the whole thing is one huge RP, so we'll be switching perspectives every line. Everything is written weeks or months in advance of posting, and we're a little set in our ways, so we're not looking for concrit, but every other kind of comment will absolutely delight us! We love answering questions, writing things in response to prompts, and of course praise and encouragement is meat and drink to us. It might take a little while for us to settle into a long-term posting schedule, but most likely it will be either every week or every fortnight. In the meantime, you can check out other things we've written in the Kattseye & Seeker Collabs series on ao3, or at our tumblr.
Thanks for reading!

Summary:

"Wolfsbane." Derek growled, his eyes still bright red, though he leaned forward, breathing deeply, still smelling himself on Stiles. "I have an arrowhead in my arm, but Isaac and Scott got shot with arrows dipped in wolfsbane."

"What." Faeries never used wolfsbane. They had their own concoctions that they preferred to use. Stiles shook his head. "Okay. Isaac, Scott, you get the couch. Allison, Boyd, get the arrowheads out and put them on the table where I can have a look at them. Derek, let's get you sorted out."

-----

The pack gets back from fighting the fairies, and Stiles makes sure everyone's okay

Notes:

WARNINGS: Stiles is treating wolfsbane wounds, so there's pain and blood on screen, but it's relatively mild. Derek blames himself, and Stiles tries to help him with that. One instance of Derek hurting himself with his claws, which I've marked with a right-justified asterisk.

"Wolfsbane." Derek growled, his eyes still bright red, though he leaned forward, breathing deeply, still smelling himself on Stiles. "I have an arrowhead in my arm, but Isaac and Scott got shot with arrows dipped in wolfsbane."

"What." Faeries never used wolfsbane. They had their own concoctions that they preferred to use. Stiles shook his head. "Okay. Isaac, Scott, you get the couch. Allison, Boyd, get the arrowheads out and put them on the table where I can have a look at them. Derek, let's get you sorted out."

Derek tripped toward him, his free hand curling lightly around his arm. "Are you safe?" he murmured, trying to sniff out any injuries and only smelling his betas. He didn't pay attention to the other four, knowing they were already shuffling to do as Stiles bid.

"I'm safe," Stiles promised quietly, leading Derek into the bathroom. "Sit. I'll get the tweezers."

Derek sat on the toilet, shivering softly now that his adrenaline was fading. "T-took one for Allison," he panted softly, feeling the need to explain the wound in his arm.

Stiles took hold of Derek's arm, examining the wound - and thinking gratefully that at least he'd gotten better about blood in the last few years. "This would have been worse for her than you," he told Derek, taking hold of the broken-off arrow shaft with his tweezers and tugging lightly. There was resistance, and he winced. "Okay, this is going to hurt, but I've got to get it out so you can heal. Ready?"

Derek gripped his own thigh, taking a deep breath and nodding, gritting his teeth and refusing to let any sound out.

Stiles smiled grimly at him and pulled the arrow out, wincing at the fresh spurt of blood that followed. "Okay, good job Derek, that's perfect, it's out now," he murmured, quickly pressing a wad of gauze to the wound to stem the bleeding. "Can you hold that there for me while I get the salve?" For elf-shot, Stiles had a jar of salve made from feverfew, red nettles and plantain, mixed with beeswax to set it.

Derek pulled his claws out of his now bleeding thigh, those wounds healing before he even took hold of the gauze, panting softly.

Stiles sighed at the sight of Derek's bloody leg, but there were more important things to worry about right now. He found the right jar in his kit, and hurriedly unscrewed the lid. "Lift the gauze," he told Derek, and smeared salve over the wound before wiping his fingers on a clean towel and getting some tape to keep the gauze in place. "How are you doing?" he asked.

"Okay," Derek panted, using his non-bloody hand to pull Stiles close. He buried his nose in Stiles' neck, needing to ground himself.

Stiles only flailed a little. "Derek," he said quietly. "I'm okay. You're okay. But we need to look after the pack now."

"Kay," Derek murmured, taking a deep breath, running his cheek along Stiles' jaw before pulling back and standing. "Bring that jar. It might help with the others."

Stiles shook his head, picking out a fairly large plastic tub. "This one will be better," he said. "If we can't identify the type of wolfsbane, the healing will still be slow, but this will help."

Derek nodded. "Okay." He trusted Stiles. With a lot. He led the way back down to his betas, leaning over to suck the pain out of Isaac, watching as the boy relaxed into the couch. He watched as Boyd did the same for Scott, smiling his thanks.

"Alright, guys, what's the damage?" Stiles asked. "Derek, can you try and identify the wolfsbane, please?"

Derek nodded, already sniffing the arrowheads and trying to shift through the smell of his Betas blood.

"Isaac's worse off," Scott panted, clutching his thigh. "I just got one in my thigh. He got two in his legs, one in his side."

Derek frowned, looking up. “Smells like that kind we keep in the back garden near the treeline.”

"Okay, good, that makes things much easier," Stiles said, relieved. "Allison, when you're done there, get some gloves on and get me some, please. You know how to burn it and everything. Isaac, I'm sorry, but this is gonna suck and I have very few options to make it suck less. On the upside, when we're done, there's soup on the stove."

"All hail Stiles' soup," Isaac managed to groan, his face pale.

Derek watched as Allison bolted from the room, listening as she went out to the patch in the backyard, tucked under a tree. "Anything I can do to help?" he asked, his own wound almost healed.

"Pull pain, and when I tell you to, hold him down," Stiles directed. "Are you gonna be okay without pain relief for a little while, Scotty? I can put some nine herbs salve on the spot to help contain the poison until we're done with Isaac."

"Yeah, I'm good, help him," Scott said instantly, trembling, but obviously not in as bad a shape as Isaac.

Allison quickly came back with a small ceramic bowl of ashes, panting softly.

"FUCK!" Isaac screamed, tears streaming down his face as the ash was pressed into the next wound. Not even Derek's grumbling purr was enough to make him stop whimpering.

"Almost there, Isaac, just one more," Stiles promised, watching the black tracery on Isaac's skin retreat back to the offending wounds. "One more and then you're good, okay? Do you want a break first, or do you want to just get it over with?"

Isaac opened tearful gold eyes. "J-just do it," he panted around his fangs, keeping his eyes on Derek's face.

"Here we go," Stiles said grimly, pushing Isaac's shirt up and applying a pinch of wolfsbane ash to the wound.

Isaac screamed louder than before, this arrow having gone deeper than the other two. He finally collapsed, crying softly but healing. The only reason he wasn’t hysterical was Derek’s grumbling purr.

"You're done, buddy," Stiles said shakily, cleaning off his fingers and smearing some nine herbs salve on the still-healing wounds. "Now, this is just in case there's any extra poisons in that concoction, alright? I'm not worried, but it'll help promote healing regardless. For now, you take it easy."

Isaac merely panted and nodded, already falling unconscious. Allison scooted closer to Isaac's head, brushing his hair back and keeping watch over him as Derek and Boyd slid over to Scott.

Scott was paler than he’d been earlier, from seeing Isaac in so much pain. "This is just gonna be a walk in the park, huh?" he said weakly, his voice higher pitched as he laid down,, Derek taking his hands by his head, eyes already bright red, and Boyd taking his ankles.

"I'm not gonna lie, Scotty," Stiles said, getting ready as quickly as he could. "It's not gonna be great." He shoved wolfsbane ash into the wound, not waiting a second longer than he had to.

"GODFUCKINGDAMMIT" Scott yelled, arching his back and struggling before flopping back onto the couch, tears in his eyes. "That never gets easier," he panted.

Boyd carefully tugged Derek back, giving him a look and pushing him toward Stiles before sitting next to Scott's head, hand on his friend's shoulder to suck the pain away as he talked in hushed tones.

Derek stumbled, his face pale and his hands trembling. He grabbed Stiles, unable to voice what he needed, just tugging lightly at Stiles’ arm.

"N-need," Derek croaked, falling silent and just leaning on him. He didn't even notice when Boyd looked toward Stiles and gestured up the stairs, giving the human a small smile of understanding before turning back to distract Scott.

"Okay, Derek, it's okay, I've got you," Stiles murmured, leading Derek, inch-by-inch, over to the stairs. "You've done such a good job today, are you going to let me look after you now?"

Derek sucked in a breath, burying his face in Stiles' throat. "Yes sir," he murmured, almost inaudibly, though he knew the others probably heard it. A part of him didn't care though. His betas would understand, and Boyd especially knew the toll it was taking on Derek.

Oh, wow. Derek was definitely not okay. "Good boy," Stiles reassured him. "Let's get some privacy, okay? Up we go."

Derek managed to stumble up the stairs, his hold on Stiles and the hold Stiles had on him the only things keeping him from dropping to his knees. Even his alpha instincts were in just as bad a shape, curling up in his chest and mind like a whipped dog.

"Tell me what's wrong, Derek," Stiles asked, as soon as the door to his room was shut. "What's upset you?"

"I didn't keep them safe," Derek whispered, pale, falling to his knees as soon as the door clicked shut, his head bowed as he hugged himself. "I can't even do that. God, what am I? The world's biggest fucking idiot?!"

Shit. "Stop," Stiles said firmly, running his hand over Derek's hair. "You did your best, and you brought them home. They're all going to heal, Derek, just like you're going to heal. You did a good job."

Derek wanted so much to just soak up the comfort Stiles was giving him, but he couldn't. "Couldn't keep them safe. They were hurt. Doing stupid shit. Got hurt myself. Can't do anything right."

Oh no. Stiles could hear his own words from earlier echoed back, and he knew this wouldn't be easy to fix. "You helped them. You made sure Allison didn't get hit. You brought everyone here to be treated. Maybe you made mistakes, but people do, Derek. I forgive you. What do you need to forgive yourself?"

"Okay, just a second," Stiles replied, opening the bedroom door and sticking his head out. "Can someone bring me my stress ball?" he called out. "It'll smell like Derek and me, and Scott knows what it looks like."

Derek was trembling, curling tighter into himself.

Boyd scooped up the ball after Scott ID'd it, coming up the stairs and handing it to Stiles, "He okay?"

"Not great," Stiles admitted. "But I'll do my best. Are you good to look after everyone downstairs?"

Boyd nodded. "Everyone is doing much better. Me and Allison are talking about taking the boys to Deaton, just to make sure nothing is lingering. It'll also give you two some privacy."

"I'm pretty confident everything's going to be fine," Stiles said, "but that would probably be good. Call me when Deaton gives the all-clear?"

"Of course. Or text, one of the two. Just..." Boyd shifted on his feet, uncharacteristically hesitant. "He won't go down too easy, especially when he's feeling guilty," he warned before turning to leave.

O...kay. Boyd knew about Derek's thing, with the subbing and the Alpha instincts. When had this even come up? "You look after the others, and I'll look after Derek, okay?" Stiles said. "It'll be fine."

Boyd nodded, looking over his shoulder, taking a quick sniff before giving Stiles a toothy smile. "Sometimes, people forget I'm there, I'm quiet, and that's my advantage as the Second."

"Go to Deaton's," Stiles told him. "Seriously. And let Lydia and Erica know what happened, and that we'll be having a meeting about this." He glanced back at Derek. "Probably tomorrow sometime."

Boyd nodded, playfully saluting Stiles before hurrying out to get the betas loaded into Allison's car.

Derek was digging his nails into his thighs again.

Stiles turned and sighed when he saw what Derek was doing. "Here." He offered Derek the stress ball. "Don't hurt yourself more."

Derek reached out with one hand, shaking as he took the ball, squeezing it tightly. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "I tried."

"You tried your best," Stiles agreed quietly. "You always try your best. And as long as you do, I'll be proud of you."

"No," Stiles said firmly. "You're a good alpha. Scott and Isaac were hurt when you got there. You stopped Allison from getting hurt, Boyd didn't get hurt, and you brought them all here to heal. Everyone's safe now, and that's because of you."

"I should have sensed it before it happened," Derek argued, even though he knew that was impossible.

"That's not your job," Stiles told him. "Seeing the future is Lydia's job, and she didn't see this one coming. Do you blame her for that?"

Derek shook his head, his shoulders still hunched up around his ears were he knelt.

"Then it's no-one's fault we didn't know this was going to happen," Stiles reassured him. "You went as soon as you knew there was trouble, and you did a good job protecting them. You brought them all home, Derek, and now they're healed and safe."

"I still feel worthless. Useless," Derek whispered, his eyes flashing as he grew frustrated. "How in the hell can I be a good alpha if I can't even keep my pack from getting hurt?"

"Being a good alpha isn't counted in injuries, Derek," Stiles said quietly. "It's that as soon as you knew something was wrong, you went. And they know that. It's the way you soothed Isaac when I was treating them. It's making the decision to keep me at home so I'd be ready to look after them, even though I wanted to come with you."

Derek just shook his head, leaning forward to thunk his head against the floor. "I still feel like a failure."

"Derek," Stiles said, "I need you to tell me what I have permission to tell you to do, or to do to you." Just words was clearly not going to be enough.

"Just... anything," Derek finally groaned. "I trust you."

Stiles bit back a frustrated noise. He needed to fucking negotiate this, but Derek was too upset to really do that. "Tell me 'wolfsbane' if I do something wrong," he replied.

Derek could only nod, trembling and keeping his forehead on the ground, knocking it against the wood over and over again.

"Stop," Stiles said firmly, hoping desperately that he could make this work. "Explain to me what you're doing and why."

Derek froze, shivering and relaxing into the pose he was in as he order rolled over him, his alpha side not even twitching. "Banging my head on the ground. Because I'm a failure."

"Yes sir," Derek answered after a moment, his hands moving to grab his wrists behind his back, his forehead still on the floor.

Poor Derek was practically trying to become one with the floor. It was such a submissive posture for such a non-submissive man, and that, more than anything else, brought home to Stiles what Derek needed. The problem was, Stiles didn't want to use pain as a punishment for Derek - not that he'd have felt comfortable doing so, with so little negotiation up front. "If I give you a punishment, will you listen to me when I forgive you once it's over?" he asked.

Derek leaned into the touch, closing his eyes tightly. His alpha side was listening curiously, but the other side of him, the sub side, was rolling in the praise and touch, soaking it up like a sponge.

"I'm gonna get up for just a minute, but then I'll be right back, okay?" Stiles said. He had an idea for Derek's punishment, something that would hopefully help without pushing too hard.

"Yes sir. " Derek closed his eyes, focusing on his breathing. True, he didn't have much internal debate going on right now, but it was still the first time in a while that he was actually being dommed like he needed.

Stiles got up and rummaged in his desk for a blank notebook and a pen, writing at the top of an empty page, 'I am a good alpha. I care about my pack. I look after my pack. I protect my pack. I make mistakes, and that's okay.'

Derek listened close to what Stiles was doing, though he didn't move a muscle. He wanted this. Needed this.

"There's been too much hurting today," Stiles said, coming over to sit on the floor in front of Derek. "So you're going to be writing lines for your punishment. Is that okay?"

Derek nodded slightly after a moment, but he didn't lift his forehead from the floor.

"How many lines do you think is fair?" Stiles asked, stroking Derek's hair.

"I don't know, sir. Never really wrote lines," Derek answered honestly, his shoulders relaxing again with Stiles' hand in his hair.

"Let's say twenty, then," Stiles suggested. "You just have copy what I've written twenty times, and then you're going to read it out to me once, okay?"

"Yes sir," Derek whispered, still not moving, his eyes closed as he focused enough through his guilt to move.

"Good boy, Derek," Stiles reassured him. "It's okay if it takes you a while. That's fine. I'm happy to wait as long as you need."

Derek managed to calm himself down, forcing himself to sit up, looking up to Stiles. "Sir," he murmured without thinking, his hands slipping to rest on his thighs.

"Good boy," Stiles said approvingly, smiling at him. "Do you want to stay down here while you write?"

Derek nodded after a moment, holding his hands out for the paper and pencil. "Yes sir."

"Please don't go," Derek whispered, his hands shaky as he took the pad and pencil. He didn't know if he could do it if Stiles left. He read over the words he was to write, letting out a small sound.

"It's okay," Stiles promised, shifting closer so he was pressed up against Derek's side. "I'm right here with you."

Derek relaxed just that extra bit, slowly starting to write out the sentence, his brow furrowed.

Stiles watched as Derek wrote line after line, just being there for him.

Derek finally finished writing, tears on his cheeks. He couldn't make himself say it, opening and closing his mouth silently a few times. He took a deep breath, then forced each word out, even though he was trembling hard enough that his teeth were clacking together by the end of it.

Derek almost fell forward when he leaned in, burying his face in Stiles' neck, breathing deeply, letting their mixed scents and the pride rolling off Stiles in waves settle his nerves.

Stiles waited, letting Derek settle.

Derek was almost ashamed of how much he clung to Stiles, his fingers fisting the back of the other man's shirt.

"It's okay," Stiles soothed him. "I know it's a lot."

Derek slowly calmed, his alpha side stirring, but apparently unfussed, which actually confused Derek more than anything.

When Stiles thought Derek was calm, he quietly asked, "Derek? Would you do one more thing for me?"

"Hmm?” Derek hummed, unwilling to lift his nose from Stiles' neck.

"When you're ready, okay? There's no rush," Stiles promised. "But I want you to look me in the eyes and tell me that stuff one more time, okay?"

Derek let out a small whine, though he sat back up after a moment, his eyes on Stiles' mouth when he said it again, the words coming just a bit easier. “I am a good alpha. I care about my pack. I look after my pack. I protect my pack. I make mistakes, and that's okay.”

Derek chewed on his lip, forcing himself to put away the fangs that wanted to drop. "I'm good," he kept repeating, over and over again, trying to make himself believe it. He definitely felt lighter.

"That's right," Stiles said firmly. He leaned in, pressing his forehead against Derek's. "You're good, Derek. A good alpha, a good sub, a good person. You're good."

Derek shivered, licking his lips, breathing Stiles in. His hands slipped up, cupping Stiles' cheeks and slipping through the short cropped hair, just long enough to slide between his fingers,

Stiles smiled tentatively, his heart racing.

Derek's ears honed in on the sound, his eyes trailing along Stiles' face as he leaned closer, nuzzling their noses together, breathing deeply through his nose.

"...Derek?" Stiles said, his voice cracking. Was this going where he thought it was going?

Derek hesitated, leaning forward, his eyes locked on Stiles' mouth, wanting to kiss him and giving him plenty of time to stop it if he didn't want it.

Stiles' lips unconsciously parted as he stared.

Derek let a small smile tug at his lips, closing the distance and kissing him carefully.

It - the kiss, holy fuck - didn't seem real, but at the same time, it was the realest thing Stiles had ever felt, or done, or wanted, and he couldn't help the noise that escaped him.

Derek let out a shuddering breath through his nose, tilting his head, inviting Stiles to deepen it, but not pushing him at all.

When he realized that this was really happening, that Derek was really kissing him, Stiles leaned in eagerly, arms coming up to wrap around Derek and draw him closer.

Derek let out a small groan, parting his lips, his eyes fluttering closed. He felt warm, his wolf brushing inside of his skin in happiness, soaking up the feel, the taste and smell, of Stiles.

Oh. Stiles licked at Derek's lips, tentatively, then into his mouth, exploring.

Derek moaned softly, trembling in Stiles’ hold, pressing close as he basked in his attention.

When Stiles broke away for air he was panting and embarrassingly hard in his pants. "Please tell me that wasn't just because I praised you," he begged.

"No," Derek managed to pant. "Not just because you praised me." He licked his lips, his nose flaring as he took in the scent of want from Stiles. He wanted to just blurt it out, but honestly he was scared. He didn't want to freak Stiles out.

Stiles paused, frowning a little. "What exactly do you mean by mate? Because there's a lot of...interpretation, out there."

"Not like you're my soulmate or something like that," Derek hurriedly explained. "More like...you're the one most compatible with me, with my wolf. That's how we find the perfect partner for us, our wolves finds someone completely compatible, and then if there's trust, it builds up until you're the one for me." He looked to the side, his cheeks pink. "I think that's one reason my wolf doesn’t mind me submitting to you as much as it did. You're the Alpha Mate."

"...does that mean something special too?" Stiles asked, focusing on his curiosity to avoid freaking out.

"What do you mean? That you're my mate?" Derek tilted his head in confusion, brows furrowed.

"Just, the way you said that, it was different," Stiles explained. "Like being the alpha's mate meant something more than just being your mate."

"It is though,” Derek agreed. "You're the other half of the alpha pair. While the alpha fights and protects the pack, the Alpha Mate is more for the caretaking and healer of the pack, like when you helped heal Isaac and Scott. And when you make breakfasts on Sundays."

"If you're about to tell me I can't fight with you guys anymore, I'm going to be seriously pissed," Stiles warned.

Derek hid a snort, rolling his eyes. "No, Stiles. You've already been doing the job of an Alpha Mate," he promised, burying his nose in Stiles neck. "You're perfect."

Stiles blinked, stunned. When in his life had he ever been perfect?

Derek pulled back a bit to look at Stiles face, amusement shining through . "I made you speechless? You, the great Genim 'Stiles' Stilinski?"

Stiles reared back, making the sign of the cross with his fingers. "Not the name!" he yelped playfully.

Derek let his smile drop into a pout, though his eyes still shone with his amusement. "But I like your hugs, Stiles." He pulled Stiles into his arms, a hand slipping into the Stiles’ hair to scratch lightly at his scalp.

"You're actually really tactile, aren't you?" Stiles commented, letting Derek do what he wanted as he tried to get over his reaction to that adorable pout.

"Werewolf," Derek deadpanned. "And so are you, I've seen how you are with the betas. Especially Isaac."

"Yeah, and I've seen how you aren't with the betas," Stiles pointed out. "Or at least, not much."

"I'm trying to be better," Derek murmured, slumping against Stiles a little.

"Oh, hey, are you feeling guilty about that?" Stiles asked. He hadn't realised.

Derek nodded. "I know I was a bit of an asshole,” he admitted. "I am trying. though. It's just hard to open up when my past has been shit."

"Yeah," Stiles agreed. "We all know, and we know you're trying."

"Especially with Isaac," Derek murmured.

"Hey, I saw how he looked at you earlier," Stiles pointed out. "Did you? He relies on you, dude. He trusts you."

"I wanted to rend those fairies apart again over the pain they put Isaac in,” Derek growled, eyes flashing bright before he settled. "Isaac hasn't had many good things. I want to make sure he feels safe."

"Wait, was there actual rending?" Stiles asked, sitting up. "Actually, what the hell even happened? No-one's told me yet, we've all been in crisis mode. Also, can we sit on something more comfortable than the floor, maybe? Unless you want to stay down here, but if so, I want to move over to where I can lean my back on something."

"Yeah, we can move." Derek stood, tugging Stiles up and moving to the bed. "And there was. I'm not sure what started it, but the fairies were attacking Scott and Isaac. I got there with Allison and Boyd right after the second wolfsbane shot hit Isaac. I managed to rend that fairy to pieces, a warning to the others. It was the only one with wolfsbane in its arrows. The others didn't. They've been warned away from our pack and territory."

Stiles sighed, sitting with his back propped against the pillows. "I'll talk to Lydia and we'll figure something out for when they next show up. Alliance will be more productive, if we can manage it."

"If I smell wolfsbane on them, they die," Derek said lowly, his eyes flashing at the memory of Isaac's tearful face.

Stiles rolled his eyes. "Fine," he agreed. "We'll ban possession of wolfsbane in any future treaties."

Derek let out a pleased rumble, sprawling on the bed with his head close to Stiles' hip.

"It's so weird when you get nonverbal," Stiles muttered fondly, playing absently with Derek's hair.

"Stay with me? Please?" Derek added the please as an afterthought, his arms wrapping around Stiles' waist, clinging to him.

"You're in my bed," Stiles pointed out, but he ran his hand over Derek's hair in reassurance. It occurred to him then that, functionally, they'd kinda just done a scene. Which meant this was aftercare, not just snuggling. "Are you hungry or anything?" he checked.

Derek shook his head. "Kinda nauseous, honestly," he admitted. "Seeing Isaac like that..." He swallowed hard, the hand in his hair settling him. "And yeah, I am, but we can stay here, or we can go to my bed, or..."

"No Derek, we're staying here," Stiles reassured him immediately. "You don't have to move. And Isaac's fine now. I can call him if you like?"

Derek shook his head, the steady feeling of the pack bond settling him. "He's okay, I can feel him. I just hate seeing him especially in pain."

"Alright," Stiles conceded. "But even if you're nauseous, you should drink something. You need fluids to replace that blood you lost."

"Fine," Derek conceded, letting out a soft sigh. "I think we have some coconut water downstairs? That's a good substitute? And I know i have sodas, since all of you drink them so much. As well as a few different juices."

"What do you prefer?" Stiles asked. "I'll go get some for you. And maybe some crackers."

"There's some peach juice somewhere in the fridge. I have to hide it from Lydia," Derek complained, but there was a smile on his lips.

"Mmm, fine." Derek flopped back onto his back, a small pout on his face. "And I do." He couldn't believe just how much he loved simple things like having to hide his juice from one of the humans in the pack. His pack. His family.

Stiles got up and then, after a moment's internal debate, kissed Derek's forehead before heading down to the kitchen.

Derek blinked at Stiles' back, a smile on his lips, then wrestled his bloodied clothes off and tossed them into the corner. He went to his room just long enough to grab a pair of pajama pants, wiping his arm and thighs with a washcloth before flopping back on Stiles' bed, burying his face in Stiles' pillow and inhaling deeply.

Stiles managed to find the juice, and tucked it under his arm with a box of crackers, grabbing the bottle of coke and a couple of glasses, and praying he wouldn't drop anything on his way up the stairs. He didn't, but by the time he got back to his room he could feel the juice bottle sliding out from between his arm and side.

Derek lifted his head, having a bite his lower lip to keep from laughing, standing to help Stiles bring everything inside, holding onto the juice bottle and the coke.

"Thanks, dude," Stiles said. "I was afraid we were gonna have an explosion there."

"Juice everywhere." Derek snorted softly, mouth quirking in a grin. "That doesn’t happen often," he said drily. Only once or twice a week.

"Hey, I managed to get it all up here, didn't I?" Stiles pointed out, setting the glasses down on the nightstand. "Here, have some crackers."

"A feat, I'm sure," Derek teased, wrinkling his nose at the thought of eating, but letting Stiles hand him a couple of crackers before he laid back down.

"Even if you're nauseous, you still need food," Stiles told him, pouring him a cup of juice. "Here. You'll need to sit up to drink it."

Derek groaned, having just shoved his face back into Stiles’ pillow. He sighed, sitting up and smiling a little, sipping at the juice and settling against the headboard.

"Good," Stiles said firmly. "Wait...is it awkward to, like, praise you in this context? When you aren't kneeling and stuff?"

"Is it awkward for me to tell you ‘good job’ when you do things?" Derek countered, raising an eyebrow. "I don't find it awkward, Stiles. If anything, it makes me want to melt into a puddle where I sit." He flushed, looking away and nibbling on a cracker.

"Ooooh, I want to see puddle-Derek!" Stiles said with a grin. "Is it just praise that does it? Like, should I just tell you how awesome you are and all the awesome things you did today? Or is there other stuff, too?"

Derek groaned, covering his face to hide the pink on his cheeks. "Well, there are other things too," he admitted, his voice showing how amused he was. "But other than that, mostly praise, and your hand in my hair for some reason."

Notes:

Summary:

Mate, Stiles thought, over and over again as he edged forward, keeping his gaze on Derek, but not making eye contact. Come on, you said your wolf liked me, don't attack me now. "Derek?" he said tentatively. "I come in peace, dude, okay? It's me, it's Stiles. The annoying human dude in your pack. You know me, right?"

Derek swung his head to watch Stiles, growling lightly but not swiping at him.

-----

Derek gets hit by a fairy spell and won't let anyone near him but Isaac and Stiles. It leads to some awkward conversations

Notes:

Chapter Text

Stiles had to admit, in retrospect, that they should have done more planning before going fairy-hunting at the edge of their territory. He genuinely thought it was a good idea to set up some sort of treaty that was more sophisticated than 'don't come here and you don't get gutted'. But, well...hindsight.

Derek was panting when the fairies finally left, and fell to his knees as a shock of pain went up his spine. He felt his wolf bristle, and just managed to shout, “No, go-!” before his voice was gone and all that was left was growling and snarling.

"I'm not leaving you alone," Stiles insisted. "Erica, help me get him back to the car."

"I'm looking!" Stiles said, frantically searching through his memory for anything that might make Derek act like this. "It's like he's been drugged, but - there's nothing I can do here! We need to get him home!"

Isaac swallowed, inching his way forward as the others tried to think of something. "Alpha?" he whispered, catching the attention of the werewolves, but also of Derek.

Derek snarled again, his head tilting as he took deep breaths through his nose. He stayed bristled, but he didn't snarl any louder as Isaac inched forward, at least until Boyd started to try as well.

Boyd backed up, but Isaac didn't, staying where he was and calling Derek softly. "Alpha..."

Derek swiped at Boyd, but not at Isaac, still snarling, head swinging between each member of the pack, locking onto Stiles.

"Oh fuck," Stiles muttered. Derek's glare was intimidating as shit. "Seriously, guys, I need info, what does he smell like?"

Erica sniffed, safely trapped in Boyd's arms again. "Ash?"

Isaac shook his head a bit. "Anger, loss."

Derek just watched as Isaac came closer, gradually letting him into arm’s reach.

Scott frowned. "Kinda like Peter did before we killed him the first time..."

"Great," Stiles said flatly. "Derek, if you could give me some kind of proof of life I'd appreciate it."

Derek’s growling continued, only pausing briefly when Isaac moved in close.

"Well, he definitely likes Isaac," Boyd said pragmatically.

"He always likes Isaac," Erica pointed out.

"Yeah, but that means he's recognizing Isaac, if he's reacting to him differently," Stiles said. "We know he's not cool with Boyd or Erica..."

Scott took a few step forward, only to jump back when he was swiped at. "Not cool with me."

Derek snarled, putting himself between Isaac and the others.

"You try, Batman."

Mate, Stiles thought, over and over again as he edged forward, keeping his gaze on Derek, but not making eye contact. Come on, you said your wolf liked me, don't attack me now. "Derek?" he said tentatively. "I come in peace, dude, okay? It's me, it's Stiles. The annoying human dude in your pack. You know me, right?"

Derek swung his head to watch Stiles, growling lightly but not swiping at him. He stayed where he was, sniffing a little, his growl deepening when he smelled mate.

Derek slammed into the house, sniffing for a moment before heading straight for Stiles' room, where their scents were the strongest, letting out a rumbling growl as he closed the door, holding Stiles and Isaac close.

"Put me down!" Stiles insisted, shoving futilely at Derek's chest.

Derek grumbled, letting Stiles stand, but only that, keeping him close, his other hand on the back of Isaac's neck.

"They're downstairs. And Erica's whining about being chopped liver and ignoring when Boyd tells her to please stop."

Derek snarled, curling tightly around Stiles and Isaac.

"Okay." Stiles looked at Derek. "I don't know if you can understand me right now, but I'm gonna yell out in a second, and it's gonna be loud, but nothing is wrong, okay?" He waited a moment, then called out, "Guys, you need to leave! Go to my house or Scott's house or something. Don't come back until I call you!"

Derek flinched, but he didn't move or growl anymore than he already was.

Isaac hid a giggle in Derek's chest. "Erica's whining now about how she has to leave and that you didn't have to yell and Boyd had to drag her out."

Derek only grumbled, loosening his hold on Isaac as he relaxed, though he kept him close.

Isaac wiggled a bit until he had his phone in hand, typing away.

Stiles figured he'd try to distract Derek and, since words were obviously achieving fuck-all, he might as well try touch. Slowly, giving Derek plenty of time to see what he was doing, he reached up and threaded his fingers through Derek's hair.

Derek leaned into the touch, the rumbling purr starting back up now that the danger was gone from his mate and pup.

"Deaton said that if it was something the fairies used, it should wear off,” Isaac reported. “If it hasn't in the next couple of hours, to ask him again. Because fairies are mischievous little assholes, but not total dicks."

"If he used those actual words, I'll eat my laptop," Stiles said wryly, scratching lightly at Derek's scalp. "But I get the gist. A couple of hours, huh?"

"Honestly?” Isaac said. “Because the pack bond is still there. If he was actually feral, like about to kill us feral, the bond would have snapped like a guitar string. And because I can feel the almost possessive care he's radiating. Kinda soothing when you grew up with an asshole, you know?" Isaac snorted softly. "You two are better parental figures than my father was. Ever."

"We're the same age," Stiles pointed out helplessly.

"So?" Isaac shrugged, smiling happily.

"I'm your friend, not your...whatever!" Stiles exclaimed.

"You're my Alpha pair, Stiles." Isaac sighed. "And yes, you're my friend. but you've taken better care of me than my dad had. You and Derek both. It's not like I'm about to follow you around chirping Mommy or Papa or something."

"You're just snuggly," Stiles said flatly.

"Well yeah," Isaac murmured, cutting his eyes away. "Tactile."

Derek grumbled as he smelled Isaac’s shift in mood, pulling them both closer.

Stiles rolled his eyes. "Great," he muttered. "I'm going to die of boredom, you know."

Isaac shrugged a bit, but didn't say anything, unconsciously soaking up the comfort Derek was broadcasting, as Derek’s growl turned back into that rumbling purr.

Stiles fidgeted anxiously. He hated waiting, especially when it was something like this. He needed to be doing something.

"Calm down," Isaac murmured after a little bit. "Try talking to him some more? Maybe that'll help pull him out of it."

Stiles was fairly sure Isaac was just placating him, but it was worth a try. "Hey, uh, hey Derek?" he stuttered. "Are you... You know, I don't mind you non-verbal, we talked about this the other day, but it kind of freaks me out when I can't communicate with you. So I'd really appreciate it if you could - I don't know, do something to let me know you're still in there and paying attention?"

Derek glanced from the door to Stiles' face, the purring grumble heightening.

Isaac took a quick sniff, smiling softly. "He's starting to come back," he murmured. "Keep talking. I don't know if that's what's helping or the spell wearing off, but it might help settle him if he comes back to himself and not have you terrified."

"Okay," Stiles reassured himself optimistically. "You looked at me, that's something, right? It wasn't just because I was temporarily the most distracting thing in the room? You know, when I said I'd be looking after you, this wasn't exactly a scenario I had in mind."

Derek grumbled softly, his grip on his mate and pup tightening. "Mate."

"What's with you and that name?" Derek grumbled hoarsely, the red bleeding from his eyes, taking his energy with it. "Isaac?" He frowned, surprised.

"Hi." Isaac hid a laugh in his hand.

"Hey, you're back," Stiles said, pleased. "How are you feeling? What do you remember?"

"Like I've been hit by a truck carrying wolfsbane,” Derek admitted. “I remember telling you guys to run because something was going on. What happened? Where are the others? Why are you and Isaac almost under me? ...In Stiles' bed. ...did I do something weird?"

Isaac couldn't hold back the laugh anymore, laughing uproariously as he wiggled out of the puppy pile of three. "I'll just let you two talk it out. Bye 'Papa'. Bye, Alpha," he teased, then bolted, still laughing.

"Tell everyone he's sane again!" Stiles yelled after him.

"Yes, mother dearest." Isaac called back before slamming the front door, intent on finding his packmates.

Derek had to bite his lip to stop the snort that wanted to come out. "Little shithead," he said instead, his voice completely fond.

"Oh good," Stiles said faintly. "Insults. Achievement unlocked."

"Huh? You okay?" Derek asked, leaning forward to try and figure out what was happening through scent, letting out a soft, pleased rumble when he realized Stiles smelled like him. "What happened?"

"Again with the sniffing," Stiles muttered. "You got whammied when we were dealing with the fairies and went extra-wolfy."

Derek froze, his eyes widening. "Is the pack okay? Did I do something?"

"No one's hurt," Stiles promised. "No one - apart from you - was even a little bit damaged."

Derek relaxed, taking a deep breath. "What happened exactly?"

"Um. You kinda freaked out at us. Like, growling and stuff." Stiles ducked his head. "You didn't like Boyd, almost pounced on Erica, really didn't like Scott. And then you kidnapped Isaac and I and brought us here and aggressively snuggled us for a while. You were totally non-verbal, but you got growly when the others got here, so we sent them away again."

"I can understand you. But why Isaac?" Derek was confused, and his shoulders slumped as he found out how he treated the pack.

"I see him more like.... Mine, ya know?" Derek started to explain, his voice almost hesitant. "Took him under my wing. My first beta, things like that. So I see him more as the pup of the pack. And two weeks ago..." He froze, his cheeks staining pink again. "That was when I realized exactly why my wolf kept wanting you. Why I trusted you so much more than everyone else. And no, I'm not saying being my mate is the only reason I trust you as much, but it all kinda mashes together until I have an epiphany in the middle of a pull-up, just hanging there from the bar in shock."

"Why is he so different from Boyd, though?" Stiles asked, giving himself some time to think about the second part.

"He needs more." Derek sighed, "It's hard to explain. His father left some...wounds, let's say. And so Isaac needs a bit more care. Not really more attention, but a more...tender attention. Reassurance, that sort of thing."

"You picked all of them because they weren't okay, though," Stiles pointed out. "They don't all need help?"

"They do, in different ways,” Derek explained. “Isaac's is different than, say, Erica's need to feel validated. Erica needs friendship, and to not have to worry about seizures, as well as someone that actually cares. Boyd needs someone that would actually realize he's there, to be there when he actually needs them to be. Isaac, however, needs a more constant, tender care. Because of the shit he went though. I never said he was easy to understand."

"I seem them all as my pups,” Derek admitted softly. "But Isaac more so, because he needs just a bit more coddling."

"He seems fine with it, at least," Stiles pointed out.

"You haven't noticed he usually goes all content and floppy when you run your fingers through his hair or when I wrap my arm around his shoulders on movie nights?" Derek smiled. "And wait." He blinked. "Why was he saying ‘papa’ and ‘mother dearest’?"

"He and I talked about you and me being pseudo-parental figures," Stiles explained.

"Hmm. I can see why he'd see us like that," Derek murmured. "I take it it makes you uncomfortable?" he asked after a quick sniff of Stiles' scent. "Was that way he seemed a little petulant?"

"It feels weird," Stiles said, making a face. "Like, I'm the same age as these guys. I'm kinda less mature than some of them, too."

"In a way, yes, but you are actually very mature for your age group, Stiles," Derek murmured, tugging Stiles closer absently. "You're able to keep a calm head during something bad while the others get irrational and emotional. You can get things done. Just because you still laugh at fart jokes and sex scenes in movies doesn't mean you're less mature."

"I'm eighteen," Stiles said quietly. "I know I talk a big game about being old enough to make my own choices, but I'm still just eighteen."

"Yes, you are," Derek admitted. "And I'm only twenty-five. And I still don't feel like I have my life together. You're the glue that keeps us all together."

"Can we drop it?" Stiles said awkwardly. "I just...let's not talk about it."

Derek just nodded, burying his face in Stiles' throat. "I'm sorry."

"It's fine," Stiles reassured him hurriedly. "It's just, y'know, not the most pressing issue and I'd maybe like to put off thinking about it for a while."

Derek just hummed, burying his face back in Stiles’ neck, slumping a bit. "Still guilty," he admitted.

"Guilty about the feelings or about the stuff you did while fairy-whammied?" Stiles asked. "Do I need to get you to write lines or something again?"

"Stuff I did," Derek replied. "I'm not going to be sorry for feeling like the betas are my pups. I won't be sorry for how I feel for you."

"That's not exactly what I meant, but okay," Stiles conceded. He bit his lip, thinking things through. "Okay. I think you should apologize to Boyd, Erica, and Scott for snarling at them, and do something nice for each of them, and then it'll be okay. Does that sound fair?"

Derek nodded. "Yes sir," he murmured before slipping his hand into Stiles' hair.

"You don't have to do it right away," Stiles told him. "So long as by the end of today, you've spoken to all of them, and you've planned what nice thing you're going to do."

"I already know Erica's." Derek laughed softly, his face still tucked in Stiles' neck. "She's been eyeing this jacket and boot combo in the window at the mall."

"You're going to take her shopping?" Stiles asked.

"Mmhmm,” Derek replied, his fingers tracing idle patterns on Stiles’ chest. “That's something she actually doesn't get to do often. Window shop, yes, but actually buy the things she wants? Not often. Only when Lydia is doing the ‘you're with me and I'm buying’ thing."

"Boyd would probably like some one-on-one time, too," Stiles suggested. "Isaac really loved getting your attention, and while I'm sure Boyd's smart enough to know it didn't mean anything that you pushed him away, he still, well..."

Derek pursed his lips. "I can do that. It's been a while since it was just me and him. He may not look it, but he's almost as tactile as Isaac."

"Well, he became a werewolf because he wanted pack, right?" Stiles pointed out. "So give him some pack time."

Derek smiled, nodding. "I'll spend some time alone with him during the day the very next movie pack night. Which I think is tomorrow if I'm remembering right. Scott's the one that's really hard to get a read on though."

"Yeah, well, you two don't get on that well normally," Stiles admitted.

Derek shrugged. "I still think he holds a grudge against me. No matter how often I try and tell him that the ‘killing the alpha that turned you will reverse it’ thing was a lie."

"You did a lot of things the wrong way back then," Stiles said simply. "And so did Scott, but it's easier to forget your own mistakes than forgive other people's."

"For most people," Derek said quietly, taking a deep breath to re-center himself. "Scott...I could always offer to play video games with him? Or lacrosse..."

"Lacrosse could be a good idea," Stiles said, smiling. "He usually practices with Isaac when he wants to use wolfy stuff, but you're better at agility things."

"Can use it as a fun training tool,” Derek murmured. "Have him goalie and try and make sure none make it past. Same vice versa where he has to try and get one past me."

"Is it bad that I think he'd have a lot of fun aiming them at your...face?" Stiles asked, biting back a grin.

"Honestly he probably will." Derek laughed. "Or my crotch."

Stiles snorted. "Yeah, I was trying not to point that out."

"Hmm, I'd rather him hit me in the face with them," Derek commented. "I have other uses for my crotch I'd rather it not be damaged."

Stiles blushed, his eyes wide. "Yeah?"

Derek grinned. "Yeah,” he murmured, kissing along Stiles' jaw before relaxing back, not pushing or wanting it to seem like he was.

Even after their kiss the other day (and holy fuck, that kiss), Stiles still found it kind of unbelievable that Derek wanted him like this. He leaned in tentatively and met Derek's lips in a soft kiss.

Derek let out a soft sigh, tilting his head back and pressing into the kiss, just enough so it was obvious he wanted it. He smiled against Stiles' mouth, one hand slipping into the other's hair.

"You actually like me," Stiles murmured wonderingly, cupping Derek's cheek and feeling the stubble there rasp against his palm.

"You're funny. Calm when you really shouldn't be, but upbeat and cheerful when you should be. You care for our pack, and you'd fight tooth and nail for them." Derek swallowed a bit. "You stick to your guns, no matter how often I threaten to rip your throat out with my teeth. You're stubborn, adorable, geeky, and amazing."

Stiles' mouth dropped open, and for once in his life he was speechless. It just didn't make sense that Derek liked him so much, but he did.

Derek laughed, reaching over to gently close Stiles' mouth. "Why does this shock you?"

"No one else thinks of me that way!" Stiles protested.

"I don't know why. You're amazing." Derek shrugged honestly.

Stiles was blushing furiously at the compliments, and blushing harder in embarrassment at his reactions. "Oh god," he said, hiding his face.

"And now you're comforting me!" Stiles exclaimed, frustrated. "You're the one who needed help in the first place, and you're the one who had a shitty day!"

Derek hid his smile in Stiles' hair. "Just having you close is comforting me," he murmured. "And the fact that you haven't run away screaming is a plus. But it's hitting you, huh? Everything that's happened? You need to process it. And I'm willing to be a sounding board, or just a soothing entity."

Stiles snorted. "You are many, many things, dude," he commented. "But soothing you are not." And he completely ignored the fact that snuggling with Derek (seriously - snuggling. With Derek.) was making him feel better.

"Surprisingly, yes,” Derek replied. “Because to me it shows that there's still a constant in my life. That it won't change. Your crazy puns and flailing and references won't change."

"I could change," Stiles objected, but he kinda got it. It was like Scott. No matter what happened, Scott would be Scott. Even if that was frustrating sometimes.

"You could, if that was what you wanted. I just meant you're not going to change for someone else. It's very refreshing," Derek soothed, slipping his hand up into Stiles' hair.

"It's not like I haven't tried," Stiles grumbled. It had just been embarrassing. And ineffective. And doomed to failure.

"No, it's a good thing you don't change for others,” Derek insisted. “You should never change who you are just for someone else."

Says you, who everyone wants to be, Stiles almost said, but his eyes widened in horror as he realized the implications. Because no, everyone didn't want to be Derek. And Stiles wouldn't wish Derek's life on anyone.

Derek kept up the purr, holding Stiles tightly. "It's obviously not fine," he murmured. "But I'm not going to force you to say anything if you don't want to. But what do you mean, broken?"

"Look, I am a clumsy dude," Stiles explained, seizing on the new topic gladly. "I knock into things, or walk into things, or trip over things, like, constantly. If everyone stopped to check up on me every time that happened, it would be ridiculous. So...everything's fine, nothing is broken."

Notes:

Chapter Text

Derek fiddled with the coffee machine, finally getting it to work before turning to lean against the counter.

Stiles, meanwhile, was flipping through his recipe book, trying to decide what he wanted to make today. "Chocolate, lemon poppy seed, banana nut, or berry?" he asked. "Actually, what have we got?" There was no point starting on a recipe if he didn't have the ingredients.

Derek hummed in thought. "We have some lemons, though I'm not sure on the poppy seed. We have chocolate, and some raspberries that need to be eaten." He shifted through the fridge to double check. "Could try a mix of chocolate and raspberry ones?"

Stiles considered it. "Yeah, that works," he decided. "Is the chocolate in bars or chips? Do we have cocoa?"

"We have cocoa, and chips." Derek pulled both out of the cabinet, showing them to Stiles. "We might have a bar or two, but I wouldn't bet on it with this bunch."

"Chips are better anyway," Stiles said with a shrug. "Put them on the counter and then get me the raspberries?" Depending on how much they had, he might just put raspberries in with the chocolate chips.

Derek nodded, setting them down, impulsively kissing Stiles' forehead before heading for the fridge again, grabbing the raspberries and the fridge ingredients Stiles would need while he was at it.

"Thanks," Stiles said absently, going to the pantry for flour, baking powder, and sugar. "Put the oven on three-fifty for me, would you?"

Derek flicked the oven on, crowding Stiles against the counter afterwards, grinning before dipping down to steal a kiss.

"Guys! Is Derek no longer willing to snarl at me?" Erica hurried in, leaving the door wide open behind her for Boyd.

Stiles made a startled noise, hands automatically flying up to push Derek away.

Derek blinked, reaching up to trap Stiles' hands against his chest. "What's wrong?" he murmured, knowing that Erica could hear anyway.

Erica just raised an eyebrow, grinning. "Dayum, Batman, get some!"

"Um," Stiles said awkwardly. "That." Somehow, he'd kind of expected he and Derek would have some privacy for a while? But hell, who was he kidding, he never had any privacy around here.

"Hmm?" Derek was a bit confused, tilting his head a bit, reaching over to smack Erica's hand away from the chocolate chips. "Wait for them to be cooked, Erica."

Derek pressed his lips together, turning instead to his betas, knowing they could smell the small hurt, but shaking his head where Stiles couldn't see it. He wasn't going to push something when Stiles was probably uncomfortable.

Erica frowned, watching them both before stepping up to pull Derek into a hug. "I was so worried."

Stiles, grateful that they'd let it go, turned his attention to getting measuring cups and a sifter, fetching the bowl from the stand mixer.

Derek hugged her back, scenting her hair for a moment before pulling Boyd into the hug as well. "I'm sorry." he murmured. " I didn't mean to."

"During the freakout?" Derek sighed, holding both of his betas close. "You two both know that he needs a bit more tactile reassurance. I'm not sure why I reacted that way, though." He shrugged. "Especially since I could have had you two here as well."

"Isaac would never challenge you," Boyd said after a moment. "Not that we would, but...we could."

Derek hummed. "Maybe?" He shrugged. "Still, All of you are very important to me." He softened his voice. "Very important."

"Which is why you guys should get over here and practice cracking eggs," Stiles interrupted them. Cracking eggs was serious business in this pack. Because with enhanced strength, it was way too easy to just smash them, and Stiles hated picking eggshell out of the bowl.

Derek hid his amusement, ruffling his Beta's hair before gently pushing them toward the kitchen. "Mini-training session for muffins."

Stiles rolled his eyes. "I trust you guys," he said, handing Boyd and Erica an egg each and pointing to the clean bowl he'd set out for them. "You know what you're doing."

Derek watched on in amusement as his mate basically mom'd two of their 'children' into helping with the cooking. "Stiles, can you come here for a sec?"

"What is it?" Stiles asked, glancing over.

Derek caught Stiles' wrist, gently tugging him into the living room. "Are you okay?" he asked, keeping his voice as soft as he could, worry on his face. Had he upset Stiles earlier with the kiss?

Goddammit, this was exactly the opposite of what he'd wanted. "I'm fine," Stiles said shortly.

"You seem a bit upset," Derek murmured, trying to hide his reaction to Stiles’ tone. He was already fucking this up. Great.

"I'm fine, Derek," Stiles sighed, running one hand through his hair and grimacing as he realized he'd need to wash again. "I just...a little warning would have been nice? You had to have known they were there."

Derek flushed, shaking his head. "I wasn't paying attention. At all."

"Oh." Stiles hadn't expected that. And actually, it made him feel a lot better.

"I was watching you," Derek admitted. "I didn't hear or smell or see anything but you. I'm sorry if you were upset. But. If you don't mind me asking. Why would it upset you for me to kiss you in front of them?" Was it really that bad?

"...I assumed you'd noticed them," Stiles said quietly. "Which would mean you'd kissed me just in time for them to see, without telling me in advance."

"I wouldn't do that,” Derek promised, pulling Stiles into a hug. "Though...does it bother you that much? To kiss in front of them?"

It sounded stupid. How many times had he seen Boyd and Erica kiss? Or Scott and Allison? Stiles looked away.

"I'm honestly asking, Stiles," Derek said. "I won't judge you either way, I just don't want to make you uncomfortable."

"I...think I want us to be just for us at the moment," Stiles admitted.

"A bit of privacy?" Derek asked, slipping his hand in Stiles' hair. "So I can kiss you now, since we're alone? Or should I wait until the actual house is empty?"

"As long as they aren't, like, actively listening in on us, it's fine," Stiles said. After all, when the hell was the house empty? "But...not making out where anyone might come in? Just kisses."

Derek smiled, leaning down just a bit to capture Stiles' lips with his, keeping it soft.

Stiles kissed him back, smiling when they parted. "Sorry I freaked out on you."

"Or at least see how many shells need to be taken from the bowl. "he mused, kissing Stiles again before stepping back. "I hear Scott and Lydia." he murmured. "And Allison."

Stiles smiled at him. "Thanks for the warning." He returned to the kitchen and looked over what Boyd and Erica were doing. "So what did you get up to in my absence?"

"Eggs are beaten," Boyd reported, "and we mixed the milk in and melted the butter for that bowl as well."

Derek watched Stiles and his betas, smiling to himself and heading over to the door, opening it right before Lydia got there. He pulled all three of them into a hug before they could say anything.

Stiles watched fondly, glad that the kitchen door had become preferred to the main one round the front of the house. Even if it meant the kitchen was less private, he got to see these moments.

Derek let out an almost imperceptible sigh when the other three hugged him back, his nose buried in Scott's hair, scenting the beta.”'I'm sorry,” he said quietly.

Scott shrugged a little. "You don't really trust me, I get it," he said easily. It didn't bother him. "I'm just glad you're okay, it was kind of freaky."

"I do trust you," Derek insisted. "And I didn't mean to scare you. Any of you."

"We're fine," Lydia said briskly. "Now, let's get out of the doorway."

Derek snorted softly, patting Lydia's cheek as he let them go. "Like I told Erica and Boyd, I need to spend more one on one time with my pack. I don't do it nearly enough."

"You don't have to," Allison said, looking a little uncomfortable. She and Derek were still getting over the awkwardness of their pasts.

"I want to," Derek promised, smiling at her and patting her shoulder awkwardly.

"Hey guys?" Stiles interrupted. "This is your ten second mixer warning." The wolves did not like how loud the stand mixer was, so Stiles usually tried to give them a chance to get out of the general vicinity.

Derek winced, following the betas out of the kitchen, pausing just long enough to press a kiss to Stiles' hair.

Stiles glanced at the betas, then determinedly away. None of them were going to judge him for this. Rather than think about it, he started the mixer and watched the mess of ingredients turn mix into batter.

Lydia leaned over to watch the mixer, though she glanced up to Stiles and grinned. "So, you and Derek, huh?" Her tone was warm, not judgmental at all.

Stiles ducked his head, focusing on collecting up dirty dishes.

"I'm happy for you," Lydia insisted softly, helping with the dishes for once. "You both deserve to be happy."

"And you think that's me, for him?" Stiles asked, equally quietly. The mixer would cover their conversation so the others couldn't hear - a rare privacy in the pack house.

"You haven't paid attention to his face when he looks at you." Lydia leaned forward, meeting Stiles’ gaze. "I have never seen him that happy. He's calmer, more settled, and looks at you as if you hung the moon. You make him happy."

Lydia shrugged. "He's probably been fighting it, not wanting to admit when he needed help. Or that you make him as happy as it is."

Stiles maybe gave Lydia the side-eye about that. Because that was too close to what Derek had said the other day - how did she know?

"I'm not blind." Lydia snorted, leaning closer. "Don't make me full name you, Stiles. You deserve to be happy."

"What changed?" Stiles asked quietly.

"What do you mean?" Lydia asked, wrapping an arm around Stiles' shoulders.

"What was it, that two years ago made me so contemptible to you, and now you think I'm worth Derek's...affection?" He looked straight ahead, not leaning into her at all.

"Growing up, for one," she admitted. "And actually getting to know you. I'll happily admit I was a spoiled bitch queen. But this pack has shown me that that isn't a good way to live. So I grew up. I gained a family and friends. And I began to see exactly how amazing a person you are."

"So...it wasn't me?" Stiles asked, his voice cracking.

Lydia let out a soft noise, pulling him into a hug. "No! Listen to me, Stiles. You are an amazing person. I was too clouded by my own bitchiness to see it. We weren't a good fit relationship-wise, because we don't have the chemistry. But you are amazing. It wasn't you. You weren't the reason I was acting that way, at all. And I'm sorry I ever made you feel that way."

Stiles buried his face in her shoulder and didn't cry. At all. He'd swear to it in a court of law. He just hugged her back gratefully.

Lydia hugged him close, turning off the mixer before the batter was mixed too much. "You are amazing. And you deserve to be happy. And I think Derek can give you that," she whispered into his ear.

"Thanks, Lyds," Stiles muttered, feeling like kind of an idiot for how emotional he'd gotten. "God, this day..."

"It's been a day, that's for sure." She smiled. "C'mon, I'll help portion this out."

Stiles smiled back at her. "Thanks. I'll just mix the raspberries in while you get the muffin tins ready?"

Lydia gave him a sassy salute before rummaging for the tins and the liners.

Stiles poured in the raspberries, a half-handful at a time, and folded them in gently, relaxing a little at the simple task.

Lydia looked up from finishing placing the liners, smiling at Stiles. "Anything else?"

"Nah, that's cool," Stiles said. "The mix is done, so you can grab a couple spoons and help scoop if you want."

"Aye-aye." Lydia saluted him again, grabbing the spoons and handing some to Stiles before starting on one side of the pan.

They worked in silence for about half a minute, and then Stiles spent the rest of the time until they went in the oven talking about lemurs.

Lydia could only be amused, adding her own bit every now and then before slipping the muffin tins in the oven brushing off her hands. "Seriously though, Stiles. Give yourself a chance to be happy, hmm?" she said, kissing his cheek.

"Thanks," he said quietly, smiling at her before heading out to the living room. "Anyone want to help me with the dishes?" he asked, a little wearily.

"Okay, everyone needs to stop fussing over me right now," Stiles said, frustrated. "In twenty minutes, there will be muffins, and people will eat them and enjoy them, especially you, Mr Alpha, because you've hardly eaten all day. And in the meantime, you are all going to give me some fucking space."

Derek took a step back, his brow furrowing.

Allison pursed her lips, signalling to Scott before gently tugging Derek from the house. "Take care of him, Scott."

"Wait, what?" Derek frowned, his chest tightening as he finally caught up to what was happening. He looked behind him to the now closed door of the house.

"Stiles needs Scott right now," Allison said simply, leading Derek away from the house at a brisk pace. "And that's all I'm saying while I'm in earshot."

"Erica, Boyd, we need you to leave," Scott said, heading for the kitchen door. "Lydia, you can stay if you like, but could you leave the kitchen to us, please?"

Erica and Boyd both nodded, easily seeing how serious this was.

Lydia went upstairs, deciding to help by doing some of the laundry.

"Scott, what the hell!" Stiles objected, kind of stunned by the efficiency with which Scott and Allison had cleared the house. Talk about a power couple. "I said I was fine."

"Don't lie to me." Scott said, his voice firm. He'd already gone into Dom mode, standing with his arms crossed as he watched his friend, noting absently the tenseness in Stiles’ shoulders.

"Scott," Stiles objected. He didn't need this, it wasn't right to do this with Scott anymore, he had to be a Dom now.

Derek frowned. He waited until he could no longer hear anything from the house before speaking. "You mean he needs Scott to Dom him," he growled, unable to keep the jealousy from rearing up. That was his mate...

"Yes," Allison said firmly. "He needs Scott to Dom him. Which they've been doing since Stiles' mom died. Platonically. So don't you growl at me like that."

Derek's shoulders slumped, sitting on a stump in the middle of the woods. "It should be me helping," he said. His voice tried to crack, but he wouldn't let it.

"Look, you and Stiles have been together for, what, three days? Five?" Allison pointed out kindly. "Have you even had the discussion about scening yet?"

Derek shook his head. "I know he's a switch, but that's really all I know. I - I can try..." He trailed off, knowing that him domming Stiles would never work. He wasn't a Dom.

"You could," Allison said, unaware of the main problem. "But you don't know what he needs right now. Scott does. And I promise you, Derek, there is nothing going on back there that's any more intimate than a hug."

"No, you don't understand." Derek's voice was soft and small, his shoulders slumping. "I can't do that for Stiles. And it frustrates me that I can't." He groaned, closing his eyes before admitting to himself that he was about to tell one of his weaknesses to an Argent. Even though it was an Argent in his pack that he was starting to trust. "I'm a sub, Allison."

~~

Scott hid his grin at his friend’s petulant behavior. "Good," he said softly, running his fingers through Stiles' hair. "We'll talk about things that are bothering you in a bit. For now, you're going to clean the counters for me, hmm?"

"I really don't need this," Stiles said, even as he went to the cupboard under the sink for surface spray, and the drawer next to it for a tea towel.

"You really do,” Scott replied steadily, sitting at the table to watch him. “You've been avoiding it, but we'll talk about that in a moment, it's not important right this second. Just clean the counter, and make sure to get under the mixer."

Stiles sighed, and turned his attention to the task, as much as he could, anyway. It wasn't make-work - Scott was usually pretty good about that - and it did help, to have a concrete goal to focus on.

Scott watched him closely, smiling as Stiles seemed to settle into it.

~~

"Oh." Allison's hand flew to her mouth, her mind racing. "You..."

Derek curled his arms around his stomach, jealousy, guilt, and sadness warring in his chest. He kept his eyes on the ground. "I can't do that for him," he whispered. "I would if I could, I just - I just..." He pursed his lips. "I should be the one doing it. Instead, my beta is domming my mate."

Derek slipped his hands back over his face. "I should be the one to help though. He's my mate." Though, he had to admit, thinking of it that way helped.

"You are helping," Allison reassured him quietly. "You're giving him the space he needs to get what he needs from one of your pack. You could have stopped me and Scott from doing what we did."

"Why would I stop it?” Derek asked. “It's obvious he needs it. I just. I don't like that it's not me. I want to help."

"You could have stopped it if you didn't trust them," Allison said. "If you were too jealous. Just like I could have stopped it, a year and a half ago, or any time since."

Derek's shoulders slumped even further, still feeling bad. He felt useless. He couldn't help his mate. His Stiles.

~~

Stiles relaxed, slowly - and he kind of hated that he did, that he needed this when he got too tangled up on his brain. He kind of hated that looking after Derek wasn't enough for him.

Once the counter was clean, Scott stood, going to pull Stiles into a hug. "Good job, looks amazing. Take the muffins out of the even to cool and then do the dishes." They'd talk after that was done.

The hug helped, but when Stiles opened the oven, he did a skewer test before taking the muffins out, and - "They're not done," he told Scott. It was irritatingly jarring, the mental conflict of that, of having to think about an order that was wrong.

"That's alright. They can finish cooking while you do the dishes," Scott reassured him. "Good job on checking them, that was a very good thing to do." Scott rubbed Stiles' back. "Perfect."

The praise honestly felt really good. Like a warm blanket, fresh out of the dryer. "Thanks, Scott," Stiles said with a sigh. "Ugh, I shouldn't need you to do this." Why wasn't Derek enough for him?"

"Why is that?” Scott asked. “Because of Derek? That doesn't mean you don't need my help, bud. And you know I have no problems helping you."

"He's my - boyfriend," Stiles said, with only a short pause as he tried to figure out what the right word really was. "You having to do this now I've got him is even stupider than me making you do this once you got Allison."

Scott tutted, watching as Stiles did the dishes. "Who in the hell said you were making me do this?" he countered, frowning. "And just because you have your boyfriend, doesn't mean he can Dom you like you need sometimes, Stiles. But for now, that's not important, finish the dishes and check on the muffins."

~~

Allison sighed, pulling Derek into a hug. "You've had a tough day, haven't you?" she murmured.

Derek sucked in a breath, settling a bit at the scent of pack and leaning into the hug. "I just want to help."

"And you do," Allison promised. "Just...not this way. I'm sure Stiles is missing you as much as you're missing him right now."

Derek refused to cry, no matter how useless he was feeling. "Thanks, Allie."

Derek could only nod, sniffing a little as he soaked up the comforting hug.

Notes:

So, it looks like I won't be able to handle weekly updates - sorry, guys! But I will do my absolute best to get you a chapter every second Thursday-ish. -SeekerAnd if you're worried, don't be. Just like with "As Ordered" we're so far ahead of where we're posting in this one too LOL -KattseyeThank you all for reading, and if you've got a minute, we'd love to hear what you think!

"You can't help it that you're a switch, Stiles," Derek replied. He felt horrible, knowing that Stiles needed this, biologically even. (Though a small part of him was rejoicing that Stiles had called himself Derek's mate.)

"Yeah, but just because I'm bi doesn't mean I'm going to have a girl on the side," Stiles argued. "Why should being a switch mean I get to go outside this for a Dom?"

"Stiles...." Derek let out a soft sigh, sinking to his knees, his arms around Stiles' waist. "I can't be a Dom," he whispered. "As much as I want to, I know I can't. But..you need it sometimes. And that's okay." He swallowed hard, starting to tremble. "J-just..."

Derek buried his face in Stiles' stomach, clenching his eyes closed. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "I'm sorry I can't be a Dom for you. I'm sorry." The thought, just the mere thought, that someone else had to be Stiles' Dom when he needed it hurt. The only thing that helped was that it was one of his betas. Like Allison had said, Stiles just needed one of his betas’ help.

"It's okay," Stiles said again. "I'm sorry I needed it, but we did okay, didn't we? It's alright, Derek. You're perfect, just as you are. I don't want you to be anyone different."

"D-don't be sorry," Derek stuttered. "You're perfect just the way you are too." He held Stiles tighter, hands twisted in the back of his shirt. "I just want to help."

Stiles closed his eyes for a moment, searching desperately for the best way to fix this. "I know you do," he murmured. "And you do help, okay? This time I - well, I guess I needed you to help by letting me have some time with Scott, but you're helping me right now with the hugging, alright? This is good. Thank you."

Derek hugged Stiles tighter, tears finally falling, though he didn't make a noise. "I don't mind you having time with Scott," he whispered, his voice wet. "I just wish I was able to do it. And I hate myself because I can't."

Derek loosened his grip, trying to get a hold of himself and failing, vaguely wondering what that word meant, his chest warming, but the tears wouldn't stop, and his shoulders shook as he let out a hitched sob.

Stiles dropped to his knees, pulling Derek into as tight a hug as he could manage. "Shh, kochanie, I've got you," he promised. "It's okay. It's all going to be fine. You're still good, you're still my good boy."

"It's...my mom used to call me that," Stiles said quietly. "I couldn't tell you exactly what it means in English. Something like 'honey' or 'sweetheart', I think."

"I like it,” Derek murmured, still sniffling a little. "I am sorry though. Both for not being a Dom, and for crying."

Stiles shook his head. "No, I'm putting a stop to that right now. You don't get to apologize for things you don't have control over. You being a sub is not a bad thing, and it's not your fault, okay?"

Derek made a soft sound. "Th-then d-don't apologize because you need both,” Derek countered weakly, his voice still barely loud enough for Stiles to hear.

"Okay, that's fair," Stiles reluctantly agreed. "But...we are going to find a way to do this that means you don't get upset like this. That's something I do get to choose, and I'm not doing this to you again." He'd never seen Derek cry.

"I think part of it was I wasn't expecting it,” Derek murmured, feeling oddly shy. “I knew you were a switch, but knowing and seeing are different."

"Technically you didn't see," Stiles pointed out. "You saw me get cranky because I couldn't get my head on straight."

"Still clicked." Derek shrugged, unwilling to let go of Stiles, even to wipe his face. He hadn't cried like that in years.

"Well now you know," Stiles said. He sighed. "I really am sorry today's turned out like this. It's been kind of a clusterfuck."

"Can we have a do over of today?" Derek mused, leaning back just enough to wipe his eyes. He was still shaking, but he wasn't crying anymore. "Sorry for crying."

Derek smiled wider, returning the kiss before murmuring, "You're welcome," as he set down the plates, one in front of Stiles.

Stiles started eating and realized, holy shit he was hungry. For all he'd been trying to get Derek to eat since he came out of his weird feral thing, he'd probably needed food as well. Which might explain the not-breakdown earlier.

"You're a really loving person, you know that?" Allison said with a soft smile.

"Sometimes it's nice to hear.” Scott smiled back. “But I love them both. Not the way I love you - " or the way he was starting to feel for another sub, " - but still love."

"No, I get it, they're family," Allison reassured him. "I remember when we first had this talk."

"They're our family," Scott said, and kissing her hair.

"Scott..." Allison said thoughtfully. "Do you know who Isaac goes to, when he needs it?" He'd never said in so many words that he was a sub, but it was easy to guess, and if Derek wasn't a Dom...

"I don't know that he has anyone," Scott replied, his voice showing how sad that made him. "He should have someone..."

Everyone had someone. A family member or friend if they were single, but...someone to take the weight off their shoulders for a little while. Except Isaac didn't have any family, only the pack, and they were all paired up now. "Do you think he'd ever go to Stiles?" Allison asked carefully.

"Maybe? I don't see him doing it though, honestly." Scott gave a shrug before shifting to where he could hold Allison tighter. He wanted Isaac, he wasn't going to lie about it, and the way that Allison was talking... "Why do you ask?" Did she mean she wanted him too?

"I worry about him, I guess," Allison admitted.

"I do too," Scott said. "Don't know what to do though."

"...do you think he'd be insulted if we asked him about it?" Allison asked cautiously. "I mean, it's kind of rude to ask. And maybe he doesn't actually need a Dom at all."

"Doesn't hurt to ask. He'll be able to tell we're genuine." Scott shrugged.

"What would we do if he said he did need help?" Allison asked.

"...I don't know." Scott frowned a little. "Allie...what would we do? Get him some help I think, but..."

Allison bit her lip. "It wouldn't be like you helping Stiles, would it."

"I don't believe so, no." Scott shook his head, chewing on the corner of his lip.

The thing was, Allison knew Scott. She might not have a werewolf nose, but she saw how he looked at Isaac. "You like him, don't you?" she murmured.

Scott may be a werewolf, but he could still turn beet red. "Wh-what?" he flicked his eyes away, even though she wasn't looking at him. "Why do you say that?"

Allison hid a laugh with a sigh. "Because I know you."

Scott let out his own sigh. "Yeah, I do. But I'm dating you, so..."

"Do you not...want to be dating me?" Allison asked warily.

"No, I love you!" Scott held her tighter, controlling the need to growl, but only barely. "I want you..." He just also wanted Isaac, and that was driving him crazy. How could he have or want Isaac when he had and wanted Allison?

Scott let out a relieved breath, leaning into the kiss before closing his eyes, willing his heart to slow down.

"I love you too, Scott," Allison reassured him, reaching up to play with Scott's hair.

Scott leaned into the touch, the motion always calming. "So what do we do then?" he whispered.

"You like Isaac, and you want him," Allison summarized plainly. "I think friendship between you two is going to get harder, because of that."

"I've been hiding it pretty good, I think." Scott sighed, thunking his head back against the wall.

Allison shrugged a little. "It's not so easy to hide things in the pack."

"No, they probably all have figured it out," Scott complained, hiding his face in her hair.

Allison started playing with his hair again, trying to comfort him. "I think they've been kind of focused on Derek and Stiles," she suggested.

"That won't last forever," Scott said, leaning into her fingers. "I don't know what to do. I usually at least have some sort of clue, but right now I'm hopeless."

Allison bit her lip. Was she really going to suggest what she was thinking? "I think we should, uh, consider a...ménage à trois," she finally said.

Scott blinked, looking down with wide eyes when it clicked what Allison was saying. "Wait, explain exactly what you mean here, I don't want to misunderstand."

"I don't think you'll stop liking him," Allison said quietly. "You're very loyal that way. So I need to decide whether I can deal with that, and I think I can."

"Wait. Are you talking about me dating both of you?" Scott breathed, his heart racing at even the possibility

Allison's heart sank a little at the eagerness in Scott's eyes. "Maybe," she admitted. "For now, I'll just...you don't have to try to change your feelings."

Scott's nose flared, tilting his head and breathing deeper, something off about Allison's scent. "Allie-cat," he whispered, pulling her close yet again. "Don't offer it if you can't do it. I don't want to if it means I'll lose you."

"Allison, I'm serious." Scott slipped his hand into the dip of her spine, holding her close. "As much as I like Isaac, I don't want to lose you, or hurt you."

"It's going to take me a little while to get used to this," she admitted. "But I'm serious."

"I didn't even know this could happen," Scott confessed, his voice whisper soft. "I don't want to lose you, but I can't ignore how I feel about Isaac either. And there's always the chance that he doesn't feel the same."

"He adores you," Allison said simply.

"How do you know?" Scott asked, his voice lowering to a soft grumble.

Because sometimes he looks at you like you look at me. "Call it women's intuition," she said with a mischievous smile.

Scott smiled in return, kissing the corner of her mouth. "Tell me your secrets, oh wise one," he teased. "Also, tell me what I can and can't do right now, because honestly I may make an ass of myself and I don't want to assume anything."

"Don't kiss him or anything," Allison said, adding, "Not yet. But I know you guys are tactile, and that's fine."

Summary:

Stiles bit his lip, not sure of the best way to phrase this. "...would you like me to try to help you relax?" he eventually offered.

Derek shifted on his feet, still feeling the urge to pace, itchy in his own skin. "If we can,” he agreed.

"We could start with something simple," Stiles suggested. "Just kneeling? And me stroking your hair, since you like that."

-----

Derek is having a bad day, and kneeling isn't as easy as it seems

Notes:

WARNINGS: This chapter is very hard for Derek, and he's hard on himself. Negative self-talk, especially at the beginning, but also generally; panic attack in the second paragraph/section; references to past abusive relationship with Kate, including quoting her (in the paragraph after they talk about the right way to kneel); Derek self-harming with his claws (marked, as we always will, with a right-justified asterisk just before it). If you need to skip it, we've put a summary of the relevant points in the end notes.

Chapter Text

It was not a good day. Not that there was anything about it that made it that way, it just...wasn't. And Stiles was getting worried. "Derek," he said quietly, looking up at the pacing werewolf from where he sat at his desk. "Stop a minute."

Derek looked up at Stiles, eyes crimson as he finally paused, though he was still agitated. There was unease in the forest, and it was grating on his nerves, especially this close to the moon.

"I don't think there's anything more we can do today," Stiles said quietly, mentally shifting a little towards Dom. "What do you think?"

"We're kind of at a standstill, with Deaton out of town," Derek grumbled, his voice more growl than speech.

Stiles found it interesting, the way Derek had gotten more wolfy over the last few years. Maybe as the pack got more comfortable not being human? Either way, when he'd met Derek, Derek had been fully human-looking almost all the time. And now he wasn't. "So, if we can't do anything," Stiles said, "we should take some downtime, so when we can do something, we're fit to do it."

Derek watched him for a moment, his features flickering in his agitation before he managed to calm down enough to stop the shift. "That might be a good idea. Rest up,” he agreed. “Something's just wrong, and it's rubbing my fur the wrong way."

Stiles bit his lip, not sure of the best way to phrase this. "...would you like me to try to help you relax?" he eventually offered.

Derek shifted on his feet, still feeling the urge to pace, itchy in his own skin. "If we can,” he agreed.

"We could start with something simple," Stiles suggested. "Just kneeling? And me stroking your hair, since you like that."

"We can try," Derek said after a moment, unsure if it would even work. His wolf was prowling at the edges of his mind, unsettled by the subtle wrongness of the forest.

Derek shivered a bit, his fingers curling around Stiles' at the use of that name. He liked it, even his wolf almost preening at the special name that Stiles only called him. But his eyes flashed when he tried to do what Stiles asked, his instincts and his biology fighting. His chest tightened, his face screwing up as the panic welled in him. Why couldn't he make his knees bend? Why couldn't he kneel? Was he that useless a sub? Why couldn't he have been a Dom?

"I..." Derek couldn't even say it, his chest tight with pain as he trembled, trying to force his knees to bend. He wanted this, damn it - why were his instincts holding him back?

"Okay, stop," Stiles said instantly. Fuck, what if this was some kind of spell or something? "Derek, stop, it's okay!"

"No! It's not okay!" Derek was so frustrated, almost to tears, and dammit he'd just cried only a week ago, what the hell? "It's not okay, Stiles. Why can't I be a normal sub? Or at least born a Dom! Why do I have to want to kneel so badly for you, but can't get my fucking knees to work?"

Derek just nodded, walking shakily, still holding tight Stiles' hands. He didn't trust himself not to simply topple like a felled tree. Not until he could gather himself.

Stiles led Derek slowly to the bed and sat down, letting go of one of his hands to wrap an arm around his shoulders.

Derek leaned into the hold, shivering as he fought to finish calming down, berating himself silently.

"That's really great, Derek," Stiles murmured, trying to be reassuring, but not wanting to cross any lines that might cause another panic. "You're doing so good."

Derek shook his head. "I can't even kneel," he rasped, turning his face away, not wanting Stiles to see the self-loathing that he knew was in his eyes. "What kind of broken sub am I?"

Stiles' heart sank. "It makes you a man who's had a hard life, and his trust abused," he said quietly. "You're not broken, kochanie. You're just guarded. That's okay."

"Broken and worthless," Derek murmured, his shoulders slumping. "I just want to be able to do that. I want to kneel for you so badly but I just can't bend my legs."

"You're not broken," Stiles objected. "And you're not worthless either. If you can't kneel, we can find another way to get you what you need. Or we can help you get to the point where you can. But it's okay that you can't right now."

Derek turned, returning the kiss before burying his nose in Stiles' neck, breathing deeply. He finally just slumped against his mate, one hand going to fist the front of Stiles' hoodie, the other still twined in Stiles'.

"I'm really proud of you for trying," Stiles said, his words a little muffled in Derek's hair. "All I ever need is for you to try, okay?"

"I'll keep trying," Derek promised, his own voice muffled against Stiles' skin. "I want to. I want to make you proud when I can. I want to see your face."

Stiles smiled fondly. "That's really great," he murmured. "Just...stop trying before you get this distressed, yeah?"

"Can't promise that. I didn't know that this would happen." Derek shrugged, hearing the fondness in Stiles' voice as he nuzzled closer, mouthing at Stiles’ neck to scent him.

"Yeah," Stiles replied, "but like, if something's hard for you, you don't have to keep doing it. You can stop and try again later."

Derek grinned toothily, pulling back again, "Sometimes I like it when things are hard for me," he teased. He licked his lips, watching Stiles for a moment. "Though I know what you're saying. I'll try and remember, promise."

Stiles maybe blushed a bit at the innuendo, but he ignored it steadfastly. "Do you think you could maybe tell me some more about the kneeling? What it's like for you?"

"My knees lock up," Derek said quietly. "No matter how hard I try, my legs lock and I can't get them to bend. It's terrifying. And not just because i want to kneel."

"Because you can't control your body?" Stiles guessed.

"And because I want to kneel and my body isn't letting me," Derek agreed, shrugging. "I'm not honestly sure. It was just terrifying."

"Okay," Stiles said worriedly. "Are you feeling better enough to try some things? You can say no."

"Absolutely," Stiles promised, squeezing Derek's hand. "I want to see if you can kneel if I'm kneeling first. Can we try that?"

Derek pursed his lips, nodding after a moment. "We can try," he conceded, standing after a moment, not letting go of Stiles' hand.

Stiles held tight as he slipped easily to his knees. It was weird, looking up at Derek like this. "Can you join me, kochanie?" he asked.

Derek swallowed hard, carefully lowering himself, only to end up kind of falling onto his ass. "Ow," he huffed, flicking his eyes away as he automatically began to berate himself.

"Hey, that's awesome!" Stiles said, making light of the way Derek had fallen. "You're down here with me!"

Derek flushed, peeking back at Stiles. "I wasn't able to kneel," he pointed out.

"Yeah, but this is more than you could do before, right?" Stiles pointed out. "Seriously, I'm proud of you."

"True, last time I didn't fall on my ass," Derek joked, finally cracking a small smile. The praise from Stiles helped.

"Okay, so, here's some options," Stiles said, smiling back at Derek. "I can stay down here and we can see if you can shift to be on your knees. Or I could get up, and we could keep going just with you sitting. Or we can just stay like this, if you want."

"Can we try the first two?" Derek asked softly. He really wanted to kneel properly for Stiles. Wanted to so badly.

"Of course," Stiles agreed instantly, reaching for Derek's hand again. "You want to see if you can get to your knees from here, first?"

Derek nodded, taking a deep breath and squeezing Stiles’ hand. After a few moments he slowly started shifting, his hands trembling as he pushed himself to his knees, his gaze fixing itself on the floor.

"That's so good, Derek," Stiles murmured, awed. "Seriously, dude, I am just...so proud of you right now. Well done, kochanie."

Derek bit off a choked whimper, the praise literally pouring from Stiles making him relax a little, though he was still trembling.

The praise seemed to be helping, so Stiles kept it up. "I'm so proud of you for trusting me enough to keep trying, when it was so hard and scary for you before, you're so brave, really."

Derek flicked his eyes back up to Stiles' before settling on his lips, licking his own. "Yes. Please," he said, his voice kind of gravelly as Stiles' nerves tickled his nose along with his pride. That was a new scent from anyone Domming him.

Stiles bit his lip, leaned in carefully, and met Derek's lips with his own.

Derek sucked in a breath through his nose, leaning into the kiss. With the taste and scent of Stiles surrounding him, he slowly relaxed.

Stiles gently explored Derek's mouth, the kiss more comforting than arousing. (Though he got aroused too, Jesus, he could still practically count the kisses he'd had.)

Derek let out a soft sound, one hand curling in the front of Stiles' hoodie as he responded to the kiss, his eyes finally fluttering closed. There was something about Stiles' kisses that was different, that he loved. Maybe because they weren't always hot and hungry. Maybe it was the tinge of genuine arousal and want that spread through the air around them. Maybe it was just the fact that Stiles kissed like he did everything else. Fully and with abandon.

Stiles smiled into the kiss, sliding his hand down a little from Derek's hair to cup the back of his neck, holding him close.

Derek let out a soft whimper, now completely relaxed into the kneeling pose, sucking lightly on Stiles' lower lip. All he could smell, hear, and taste was Stiles.

Stiles pulled away slowly, a gentle smile on his face. "Thank you, kochanie," he said quietly.

"Hmm? What for?" Derek asked, his eyes opening, flicking over Stiles’ face before sliding down to his chest.

"For the kiss," Stiles said simply.

Derek smiled hesitantly, leaning up to give him another, his heart racing.

Stiles grinned back and accepted the kiss, but pulled away after only a few moments. "Thank you, kochanie," he said again. "That's really...really good."

Derek licked his lips, chasing the taste of Stiles with his tongue, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. "Thank you."

Derek's smile was...really, really good to see. "God, I'm so proud of you, dude," Stiles admitted. "Do you want to try to go any further, or are you happy with this?"

"Want more if I can," Derek answered after a moment, almost shy, and avoiding Stiles’ eyes.

"Well, you're kneeling just beautifully right now," Stiles said, "which is so great to see. So I think the next step is for you to stay like that while I get up off the floor - maybe to sit on the bed?"

Derek let a tentative smile cross his face. "I like that though," he admitted.

"Well, I'm glad you do, because if you didn't it would just be awkward," Stiles replied, stroking Derek's hair.

Derek gave Stiles another small smile, leaning into his touch.

"I've been thinking about why this is so difficult for you," Stiles said, then realized it was a bad idea. "Actually, let's have that conversation another time, right now I'd rather just enjoy the moment."

Derek sucked in a breath, then buried his face in Stiles' knees, taking long, measured breaths. "Sorry," he whispered.

"Then maybe I'm not a proper Dom," Stiles said, shrugging a little as he attempted to set Derek at ease. "Because that's what I'd like."

"Don't say that." Derek shook his head. "There's no wrong way to Dom...mostly," he added, his face pinching in thought.

"Well if there's no wrong way to Dom, how come there's a wrong way to sub?" Stiles pointed out.

"I..." Derek felt his brows furrow, and he shifted on his knees. "I..."

"I'm Domming you right now, right?" Stiles said gently, petting Derek's hair. "And what I want you to do is kneel with your back straight."

Derek took in a shuddering breath, letting Stiles’ voice and touch soothe him. He straightened his back, hands still fisted on his thighs. "Yes sir."

"That's very good," Stiles praised. "Now, you can either rest your hands flat on your knees, or put them behind your back. Can you do that?"

Derek hesitated, taking another deep breath before letting the praise guide him into moving his hands into the small of his back, clasping his wrists.

Stiles beamed at him. "That's perfect, Derek. Really. Just like I said."

Derek gave him a tiny, barely-there smile. He was trembling, his eyes fixed on Stiles' knees.

It made something ache in Stiles, to see Derek so unsure, so vulnerable. "You always know when I'm lying, kochanie," Stiles said quietly. "So you know I'm not, right now, when I say that you are kneeling exactly right."

Stiles forced himself not to speak, to let Derek take his time and figure out what he could tell.

"She…’There's only one pose that's correct, or else that's a punishment’. ‘Don't look me in the eye or I'll punish you again, boy’," Derek quoted, keeping his voice soft and quiet.

Stiles hated her. "I'm sorry, kochanie," he murmured.

"Sometimes I wouldn't actually earn one,” Derek revealed. “Or at least I thought. Said I needed to make sure and know my place, so that's why I'm being punished. Or because I looked at her wrong, or that the face I made wasn't one she liked. Or she didn't like the look in my eye."

"I don't feel it," Derek whispered. He hadn't moved his arms at all during this, claws digging into his wrists.

Stiles, wrapped around Derek, glanced down and suddenly noticed the blood. "Derek," he said quietly. "I need you to either pull your claws in or let go of your wrists."

Derek whimpered, trying to calm down enough to bring in his claws, not wanting to let go of the pose. After a moment he let out a small sob, letting his still-clawed hands fall to the side. "I'm sorry!"

"No, kochanie, you're okay," Stiles said hurriedly. "I know you couldn't help it. Just...listen, okay? Can you do that?"

Derek nodded, not raising his face from where he had tucked it in Stiles shoulder, the wounds on his wrists healing quickly.

"Okay, that's good," Stiles praised. "So, I really wasn't sure about giving you rules, because I figured you needed me to only be your Dom sometimes, but maybe that's going to be helpful? So these are the rules I'd like you to follow, and if you don't like any of these, you can tell me and we can adjust them, okay? Promise me you'll do that."

"Promise," Derek managed to say after a moment. He'd tell Stiles. Even if he was afraid of what it would bring.

"Good boy," Stiles said, giving Derek a reassuring smile. "Okay, rule one: if you feel unsafe, I need to know. You can tell me out loud in so many words, you can call yellow or red, you can squeeze my hand, we'll work out whatever signals you need, but I need to know. That is the most important thing to me, because if I don't know, I can't help you."

Derek listened closely to Stiles' heartbeat, relaxing as the only reason it changed tempo was in reaction to the horror pouring off him. "Thank you."

"That's..." Stiles closed his eyes. Derek shouldn't have to say thank you for something like this. "You're welcome," he said quietly.

Derek nipped absently at Stiles' neck and pressed close, his hands fisting in Stiles' hoodie, claws finally back to his normal nails.

"Are we good with rule one?" Stiles checked. "You'll make sure I know if you feel unsafe?"

"Yes sir." Derek nodded, shifting until he was leaning completely on Stiles.

Stiles smiled, shifting a bit so he could support Derek's weight better. "Okay. Rule two: if you're upset, or hurting, you can't just go off on your own. If you need quiet, or time to yourself, we can do that, but you need to come to me first. I can't look after you if I don't know you need looking after."

"If you genuinely forget, that's okay," Stiles said. "I won't blame you for that. But I want you to try."

"I can do that." Derek nodded, feeling safer with Stiles more or less holding him up.

"Good boy." Stiles smiled, turning his head to kiss whatever bit of Derek's skin he could manage. "Rule three: no hurting yourself."

Derek whined, his shoulders hunching up. "Sorry."

"I know, kochanie," Stiles said sadly. "We'll talk about this more some other time, but I just want you to know that I understand you don't always do it consciously, and I know sometimes it's hard not to. But I want you to try."

Stiles sighed, rubbing Derek's back. "I know. But it's okay. I just have one more rule for you, okay? And it's more of a guideline, I guess, but it's something I want you to keep in mind. If you have a choice, and one option means you don't get hurt, I want you to choose things that don't hurt you, okay?"

"I...can try," Derek conceded. "But I can't promise. Because if it's between me getting hurt and one of you guys...."

"I understand," Stiles promised him. "I just want you to remember that your health is as important as ours."

"I'll try to remember."

"Good boy." Stiles smiled, leaning back to see if Derek would let him see his face.

Derek hesitantly raised his face, chewing hard on his lower lip. His eyes were still wet.

Stiles brought his hand around to gently wipe the tears off Derek's cheeks, smiling at him gently. "How are you feeling, kochanie?"

"Tired," Derek murmured, leaning into Stiles' touch. "I want to be good for you."

"You've been very good," Stiles promised him. "But I think we've pushed you enough for today, so how about we call that done and just cuddle on the bed for a while?"

"I want to try with you standing!" Derek insisted, determination in his tear-rimmed eyes. "Please, sir."

"Alright," Stiles agreed, leaning in to kiss Derek quickly. "But once we do that, we're done for the day."

"Yes sir," Derek said, his hands slipping behind his back again.

Stiles smiled at him. "Are you ready?"

Derek took a deep breath, nodding and forcing his back to straighten.

"There you go, that's really good," Stiles praised. "Here we go." He got to his feet, looking down at the top of Derek's head.

"Of course," Stiles agreed, reaching down to stroke Derek's hair. "You're doing that perfectly, you know? You've got that position just right."

Derek relaxed bit by bit, hesitantly leaning into the fingers in his hair, keeping his eyes on Stiles' thighs.

"That's wonderful, Derek, you look just lovely." Stiles kept his touch gentle and reassuring. "Now, do you remember how I told you there are two ways you could kneel for me that I'd like? One with your head bowed, and..."

Derek hesitantly peeked up, tilting his head back until he was staring at Stiles, his cheeks pink and his eyes hesitant.

Notes:

Chapter summary: Derek is feeling restless and unsettled; Stiles suggests they try him kneeling. Derek struggles to kneel, both because of being an alpha making it hard to submit, and because it brings up memories of Kate. Stiles helps him and reassures him, and establishes the following rules: Derek should let Stiles know if he feels unsafe; Derek can't isolate himself when he's distressed without telling Stiles first; if Derek has a choice, he should choose the option where he doesn't get hurt.

---

Despite my best intentions, it seems like this one is going to be updating occasionally and sporadically. I certainly didn't intend it to be two months between updates! Please, place all the blame on me and my schedule at university at the moment - Seeker

We hope you enjoyed this (long overdue) chapter, and we look forward, as always, to your comments

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I love this so much! The trust Derek is showing Stiles, the way Stiles is immediately ready to help Derek anyway he can and working to find ways to work with Derek's opposing instincts... Gah! I love it so much ❤

Honestly I'm really glad Stiles is a switch and not a dom, it enables him to have the flexibility that Derek needs as both an alpha and a sub. I love it and can't wait for more ❤

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Oh, I am so excited about this story. For one I am really curious about the polyamory negotiations but mostly about Derek as a Submissive. Sub!Derek is my favourite thing in the world and while I can enjoy Dom!Derek it just doesn't seem as right as Sub. I love that Derek was the one to approach Stiles. That he has managed to get to a point where he can ask for help and acknowledge when he can't cope with something on his own anymore. You say it is settles sometime after season 2. Do you mean time-wise or just in terms of plot by ignoring the following seasons? Anyway, I really enjoyed the first chapter and can't wait to continue reading. Thank you so much for sharing. :)

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Yeah, same. I watched season 4 (I think or at least halfheartedly halfway through it) and then stopped. Sometimes I forget that Boyd, Allison and Erica are actually dead and Cora and Isaac gone. So post season 2 is a great way to start.

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No, thank YOU, for writing these amazing stories and sharing them with us! :) Good to know, otherwise I would have been a bit confused by Derek's emotional maturity. :D (Not that I don't appreciate that tad less angst in that regard.)

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They will figure this out. There hardly is a better person to help Stiles with domming him than Scott. Derek and Stiles really need to talk about their relationship. Allison and Scott made a good call there. That's what pack is for.