I was having a conversation with someone a few days ago about how they felt that no matter how successful they became or what they achieved or who they’re with, they never feel entirely happy. It made me question happiness and how we acquire it and maintain it.

I go through phases as everyone probably does, so I’m writing these steps as a reminder to myself on how to be happy and stay happy (not all the time because that’s not realistic) but as much as possible.

Don’t attach your happiness to anything/one.

You cant attach happiness to anything or anyone, because once its taken away the happiness goes too. Happiness comes from within so rather than searching for ‘things’ that make us happy we need to create it ourselves.

Have no expectations.

This is one MAJOR one for me. You cant expect anything from anyone, apart from yourself. Set expectations for yourself but that’s it. The less you expect from people the less you will be disappointed if your expectations are not met. I used to expect everybody to do for me as I do for them, but that’s not real life.

Do not overthink.

I overthink so much I even over think my overthinking. Overthinking isn’t healthy, one worry leads to another and all of a sudden my life is failing and I’m in a ditch and cant get out. UN-HEALTHY. Now when I catch myself overthinking I try to redirect my thoughts…

Show Gratitude

…Continuing from the overthinking, When I redirect my thoughts I try to focus on what I am grateful for. I noticed that I feel so much happier when I think about how blessed I am. There are some good guided meditations on youtube to listen to before bed. A gratitude journal is also a good idea to keep, that way when your sad you can read through all your blessings. When I am in the bath I often just zone out and give thanks. The first thing I do when I wake up in the morning is say thank you, it’s second nature now before I grab my phone I’m like damn, you have another day of life say thank you. And my day feels better straight away. Show gratitude to the people that love you as well. It makes you feel good and lets them know they are appreciated too.

Do NOT compare your life to anyone else’s

Comparison is the greatest thief of joy. I truly believe this. Everyone is on their own personal journey and although its hard because everyone online looks like they have the best relationship and best life (lol), you don’t know what goes on behind the scenes. Everybody’s life is so public and accessible so its difficult not to look at people and think, why am I not doing as good as them, I catch myself doing it all the time. Its stupid. You are exactly where you are supposed to be in this moment in time, you cant question Gods timing. Take where you are in life right now and make the most of it. Watching what others are doing only distracts you from your own blessings.

Keep your happiness to yourself.

Its hard. I know it is. We want to share our greatest moments with the world. Although I still think that there is nothing wrong with sharing certain things on social media, I think some things should be kept private. Too many people want to see you fail, your relationship fail, etc. For me I think keeping an element of mystery keeps me sane. Not everyone needs to know everything, not everyone is going to be happy you. Keep your blessings close to your heart and hold them tight.

Enjoy the journey.

Lastly, enjoy the journey. Sometimes we become so obsessed with the goal that we forget to enjoy where we are right now. We will never be this young again, we will never live this same moment again. I believe that the journey IS the destination. Often I think if I had this or if I was doing this or if I lived here, Id be happier, but no. The journey, the ups and down, the laughter and the tears, the trials and tribulations, the growth, the lessons, the mistakes. This is what makes life great, there will always be a new destination so your happiness cant depend on that. The journey is what counts.

I don’t know how many males read my blog but this one is for you. I know sometimes understanding the mind of a woman can be like a really difficult jigsaw puzzle but honestly we’re quite easily pleased. The little things matter to us the most but they are often things that get overlooked. I thought I would give you guys some pointers cos you know, happy wife, happy life. Thank me later.

Always text her/call her to say Good Morning and Good Night. Even after an argument. This one little text will have her smiling the whole day.

Always have something to look forward to. This one here is major key. Women like to have something to be excited about, it doesn’t have to be a huge deal, could be date night every week/2 weeks/month depending on the two of you. Could be a holiday, could just be a night in, no phones allowed, just the two of you, whatever it is, set a date, make a plan and give her something to look forward to.

Surprise her. I don’t care what she says, even if she doesn’t like surprises, she will appreciate a surprise. There are obvious ones like flowers for no reason, cook for her if you don’t usually do the cooking, but there are other things you could do like bring lunch to her work or meet her for lunch whilst she’s at work. If she’s into poetry write her a poem, or if thats too soppy write her a hand written letter that she can read whenever you guys argue to remind her how much you mean to her. Run her a bath when she comes back from work, or give her a massage. Surprises don’t have to cost money but the little things go a long way.

Spend quality time. Its 2017 were all busy were all trying to make money, we all want to be successful, we understand that. But this means that the time you do get to spend together should be even more precious. If your time together is limited make a vow to both put your phones away and just reconnect with one another. Communication goes a long way. Eliminate all distractions even if its just for an hour and focus on her. I guarantee you it wont go unnoticed.

Don’t have her looking stupid out here. A woman’s worst fear is that her man will have her looking stupid out here in these streets. Don’t do that to her, no other woman should be able to tell her anything about her man that she doesn’t already know. If you feel the need to do something thats gonna have her lookin’ dumb then do us a favour and just leave. Being loyal means behind her back too.

Be honest. I cant lie the truth hurts sometimes but lies hurt so much more. Men don’t love to talk about feelings as much as we do but I cant say this enough ( and this is from experience), if you sit us down and tell us what it is you don’t like, or if you feel a way about something, it is much more likely we can come to a resolution. What people tend to do is hold shit in, then start to resent their woman, then it all builds up and they one day explode. Just sit us down and talk to us, we like effective communication.

Compliment her. Be her biggest fan. This is more for the couples who have been together for a while. I know at the beginning when your both gassed off one another the compliments come naturally. But they shouldn’t stop, if she’s lookin’ sexy tell her! Guarantee it will make her want to look sexy for you more often. Gas her up, be her biggest fan. People get confused and think the attention of many gasses us, No. The attention from the one gasses us more than anything else.

Stimulate her mind. Nothing sexier than a man that can educate you. It doesn’t have to be academic, you could take time out to learn together. Buy her a book that might be of interest to her, or start reading a book together. Watch documentaries about something of mutual interest to you. Talk to her about an experience you’ve been through that she could learn from. Whatever it is, its sexy to be able to learn from your man.

Make plans for the future. If you intend on spending your future with her of course. Don’t just get to the point where your both just sailing through life. Plans show commitment. Discuss goals, could be buying a house, starting a business together, maybe saving a certain amount of money together. We like to know that you’re in it for the long run. It makes us smile. Trust me.

Be her best friend. Don’t just be her man, be her best friend. Allow her to talk to you about anything, let her be comfortable with you. Don’t be so friendly that you lose the chemistry lol but always make her feel she has somebody to talk to, have her back. I believe that relationships should be built on solid friendships. Putting aside the sexual part, that girl should be your homie. Be that person she can count on and you become irreplaceable. Pretty faces come around every day B, but solid friendships are rare.

Hope that helps you guys. I cant speak for all women but most women I know, all of the above would keep them very happy!

Hope you all had a love filled valentines day. Everyone always says valentines day should be every day when you are with that special person & yes in an ideal world it should be, but lets face it, in reality we have things to do, money to make etc so although I am aware that its just another money making tool, I think its nice to dedicate a day to showing you’re loved ones appreciation. That being said this can be done on any day. Anyway, I digress.

I came here to write about love and how strangely beautiful yet scary and painful it can be. Its crazy that no matter how many times our hearts are broken, and as much as we act like we have given up on love, we always give love another chance.

Our generation is very ego driven, men ain’t got time for a woman cos they’re too busy gettin’ money, and girls want to act like cold hearted bxtches cos their hearts have been broken too many times. Trust me I have been through that phase myself, but its’ a lie. The truth is that love makes the world go round, and Im not saying that finding a man is the be all and end all, not at all. It could be love within yourself, love for you’re family, love in you’re friendship groups, etc.

I used to think that love came in the form of butterflies, pain, lust, but over the last few years Ive realised that for me, love is peace. When I feel at peace with someone, when I can sit in silence with him and its not awkward and we don’t have to fill the space with empty conversation. When Im in his presence and I feel at home. When I can be myself knowing I wont be judged. This for me is love. Love isn’t desperate, it doesn’t demand, its not lead by the ego, its lead by the soul. You’re soul knows when the love is real and when its just surface based. One thing I do when Im getting to know someone is I mentally strip them of their physical appearance, their labels, their career, their possessions, and I think to myself if we were nothing but two souls, would I still like you? Usually this reveals the answer.

I feel like most of the time love comes our way when we least expect it, at the randomest (probably not a word) most questionable times, but who are we to question Gods timing. One thing I’ve noted over the years is that love very RARELY comes when we are looking for it, and if it does I think its usually not love. When we seek love its easy to mistake anything for love because we want it so bad we make ourselves believe its love even if it isn’t. I find that for me, and most of those around me, love comes when we are not focused on finding it. This might be because desperation isn’t exactly attractive.

Trust is probably my biggest setback when it comes to relationships and probably the most important factor in all relationships. Ive realised now that love and trust go hand in hand.

SIDENOTE: I hope im not coming off preachery cos I cant stand a preacher, and I defo am not trying to be one, Im just talking about my own personal experience which is neither right or wrong.

As I was saying though, trust is so important and to invest so much time into something and have ur trust broken can really mess u up, but to let it fuck up anything good thats coming ur way is even worse. Love is truly a blessing and if not then its a lesson, even a bad relationship teaches us what we don’t want from the next one. We have to learn to appreciate genuine love because its so so rare. That solid strong foundation that some of our grandparents had is almost unheard of these days. I really admire couples that have been together for ever. Not the ones that are unhappy in their relationships and too scared to leave, but the ones that work on it every single day, the ones that sit down together and discuss their problems and how they can solve them. That is goals. Not matching loubs.

So that being said if you have found love, don’t take it for granted. Love is dope. Don’t let our fucked up generation tell you otherwise.

I know I’m 28 days late but its still January so I thought I would do a quick post about my year ahead. One thing that I learned from last year is that when we Plan, God laughs. I do believe that it’s good to have an idea of where you want to go and what you want to achieve, but I’ve realized that ultimately we have to trust what the universe has in store for us. That being said, I’ve tried to set ‘New Years Resolutions’ in the past and by February I’ve already forgotten about them, so this year I have decided to dedicate three words to 2017 that I will use to guide me and motivate me and remind me to keep going throughout the year. The three words I’ve decided to dedicate to 2017 are;

CONSISTENCY

I have a habit of starting things and not finishing them. Consistency is one of the major keys to success, there is no point in starting something if you don’t have the intention to be consistent. From writing this blog, to my podcast, to my clothing line, to my 9-5, to my health, Every time I feel like giving up I will remember this word and I will keep going. As humans sometimes if we don’t see results straight away we feel as though we have failed, but failing is giving up. Pushing through is what allows us to succeed and sometimes we wont see results until we are pushed to our maximum limit. So yeah, consistency!

SELF-ASSURED

Definition:”confident in one’s own abilities or character.”

I have in the past really cared about what others have thought of me. Gone are those days. It hit me at a point last year when someone reached out to me just to tell me what others thought about how I was acting. I decided that I really don’t and will never again give a fxck about what people think or say about me. ESPECIALLY those that are no longer in my life or those that I don’t care about. The fact that people are even concerned about how someone else is living their life is laughable in itself. We are humans, we are here on this earth for one life only and guess what, we are going to make mistakes. We are going to get things wrong, we are going to do things that we may look back at and cringe at or laugh at or cry about. That’s life! Better an ‘oops’ than a ‘what if’. As long as we are not hurting anybody or ourselves, I believe that we really shouldn’t give a fxck what others think. Deep down in our heart of hearts, we know right from wrong. You can miss out on so much life if you are so concerned about what people think about you. When you’re 90 and on you’re death bed those people ain’t gonna be sitting by your bedside. All you will have is your memories. So be confident in you’re abilities and you’re character, and fxck what others have to say! Stay self-assured.

DETACHMENT

I touched on this on one of my posts from last year so I wont go too in. This word for me will just be a reminder that as quick as things come they can go. Nothing in life is promised so enjoy it whilst it lasts and when it goes, let it go. Buddhists believe that attachment is the root to all suffering and I have to agree. Whether its a person, a relationship or material possessions, as soon as we are attached to something, our happiness is dependent upon that thing, so when that thing goes, so does our happiness. If we find that happiness within ourselves it can never be taken away from us. Love and live freely. Note to self: DON’T GET ATTACHED!!!

So there are my three words that I can revert back to whenever I feel the need. They have already helped me in the last 28 days. What are your three words? If you decided to set some Id love to hear about them. Also please go to the contact page and send me a message if there is anything you want me to write about.

Lets not lie. We live in a generation where everyone looks amazing, everyone’s got ass, everyone’s eyebrows are on fleek. I’ve seen teenagers on Instagram look like they stepped straight off of a magazine. The Kardashians are what young girls deem as beautiful and aspire to look like, unaware that the girl in the magazine doesn’t even look like the girl in the magazine. I remember when I was in high school, we all had an ugly phase, it was the norm, but these days its like were obsessed with perfection. I really feel for our future daughters growing up in a world where they teach us to hide our flaws under make up and filters. Don’t get me wrong, I get carried away with my self image too, but on reflection I realize that I don’t have to be beautiful like her I can be beautiful like me.

Being a ‘curvy’ girl I find that the definition of a ‘curvy’ girl isn’t even a true representation of a woman with curves anymore. That ridiculously flat stomach, huge ass and perky boobs, the ‘perfect’ figure eight, is now the ‘in’ thing, but in reality our boobs don’t sit up right, we have cellulite and our stomachs ain’t washboards. Well some of you do have it good and look like that naturally (one day lawddd), but most of us have some flaws. I prefer to call them perfect imperfections.

I just wish as women we would love ourselves more and own whatever it is we are and work on what we are not happy with rather than running to the doctors surgery to look like just another clone. We don’t owe it to men, or anybody, to fit society’s definition of beautiful or sexy. I am not my ideal weight, I have stretch marks, I need to tone up, but I work with what I have! Slim, thick, tall, short, black white, whatever you look like, confidence will make you look and feel 100 times better. Insecurities are LOUD.

I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with getting things done, I just don’t think it should be the first step. Think about it, why do women go and get their asses done? In the 80s/90s, were women getting ass implants? No. Why? Because it wasn’t cool to have a fat ass, the stick thin Kate moss type was the in thing. So now that its what the media, society, social media glorify, now women want it, so straight away you’re not doing it for yourself, you are doing it either for attention, or acceptance. Or both.

The scariest thing about ‘fixing’ yourself on the outside is that it never really fixes you on the inside. I guarantee if we spent time finding ourselves and healing ourselves from within FIRST we wouldn’t be so quick to want to change our appearance because we would understand that life is so much deeper than that. Lets face it, we are never happy. There is always something we will want to change about ourselves, but the older I get the more the term ‘less is more’ resonates with me.

Be yourself, own your individuality, love yourself. Do what makes you happy but don’t forget to look after the inside as well as the outside. Be confident and don’t forget that you don’t have to be beautiful like her, you can be beautiful like you.

Chapter 11 out of 12. How has this year gone so fast?! I feel like every single year goes by quicker and quicker the older we get.

November is a special month for me, not only is it my birthday (Nov 10th) but also the month before the last month of the year. Its a month where I reflect and also plan for the next chapter of my life. I’m such a hugeee birthday person, I always make a big deal about birthdays but at the same time I always feel like shit Im running out of time.

This year I’ve made a decision to not feel that way. Who even knows how much time we each have? Nobody, but God. Whats the point in living everyday like its a race to reach the finish line, when the finish line could be tomorrow. Life is such a blessing I vow to bring each year in with gratitude and self love. How blessed am I to be young, healthy, have such amazing friends and family and on top of that live to see another year.

If you think about it we are so so so lucky to be on this earth. We will only get this experience once so please please do everything you possibly can in this life time. I’ve realized that social media has made it seem like if you’re goal isn’t to be rich and live an extravagant life then you’re not ambitious enough. This is bullshit. I want financial freedom and a nice lifestyle because its what I enjoy, HOWEVER, there is nothing wrong with your goal being to start a family, or to find inner peace, or just to love yourself, or travel and see the world. Dont let what other peoples lives appear to look like alter the reality you want for yourself.

“Living the truth that you know is the greatest service you can offer the world”

This statement from the book Im reading pretty much sums up how I feel at this moment in time. Sometimes I get sucked in to the ideology that life is supposed to be like this, and u are supposed to have reached a certain goal by a certain age and all the rest of it, but actually we are all on our OWN individual paths and as long as we are living in OUR truth then nothing else matters.

This is my last month being 26 so I thought this would be a good exercise for me to do (and hopefully some of you too) to put things in to perspective. My Mum has told me to this for a while now, I’ve been avoiding it but I feel like now is the perfect time to do it.

Here are some of the benefits of writing a letter to your younger self;

-Helps you heal parts of your past and give you closure on difficult parts of your life.

-Helps you gain clarity on areas of your life that are still being affected by your past.

-Helps you realise where you are not following your own advice.

-Helps you realise how much you have grown as a person and how far you still have to go.

If you have decided to do this too, let me know if it has helped you, and if you want to share you’re letter please do!

Dear Romy,

I want to start by saying, everything happens for a reason. You may not understand why now, but eventually you will see that nothing was every random. Life is not a race Romy, please enjoy your childhood, I know that you are mature for your age, but don’t grow up too quickly. I know every birthday you cry because you feel that time is running out, but listen, every year is a blessing. Give thanks and be grateful that God has blessed you with another year of life. Enjoy not having responsibilities but also plan for your future! STOP WASTING TIME. You can do anything you want to do, but spend you’re time wisely because you never know when your time is up.

Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable. You have so much pride and everyone thinks you’re such a strong girl but its ok to not be ok sometimes. You don’t have to front for anyone either, the right people in your life love you for you. The ones that don’t, don’t deserve you’re time.

So lets talk about boys. Please believe when I tell you that you will look back and laugh at these boys you talk to now. Don’t even trip girl, you’re going to go through some shit before you meet the one. And even when you think you have met the one, he may not be. Focus on you. Don’t let them take you’re focus, when you get to your 20’s you will start to see you’re worth, you are going to be an amazing woman, the right one will come along when the time is right, trust me. In the mean time put yourself first and learn to see your beauty without a compliment, or a mirror.

Cherish the time you have with you’re family, one day they wont be there and you will miss every second you had with them. You’re Mum is you’re best friend, you can tell her anything never forget this, and listen to all that she teaches you because you may think its a bunch of hippy shit now but trust me, you will wish you took it in earlier. Be there for your Brother, you are his big sister, lead by example.

I know you are a Scorpio so this will be difficult for you, but you have to master the art of balance. Being so extreme isn’t going to help you. Life doesn’t have to be black or white, you need to chill tf out sometimes honestly, truly. LOL

Lastly I want to say please have patience. You are such an impatient person but you need to understand that patience is a virtue, you cannot have everything now life doesn’t work that way. The blessing is in the journey not the destination.

Romy please do all the things that you have ever wanted to do. Travel, learn, live, love. But don’t force anything. You have one life and you will be 26 before you know it. Don’t worry though, enjoy the ride, there will be ups and downs but you will always get through it.

Letting go of what no longer serves you purpose is so much easier said than done, but as the leaves fall from the trees, this time of year always brings me a huge sense of gratification. Nature is the perfect example of starting fresh and letting go of anything that holds you back., and I don’t just mean relationships. Lets let go of bad habits, old grudges, negative emotions, excuses, self limiting beliefs, and of course the people who no longer need to be a part of our journey.

Cutting people off isn’t about pride, its not about being cold and bragging about the fact that people are easily disposable to you. It’s about making a mature decision and realizing that not everybody is supposed to be in your life. Over the years I have been lucky enough to have a strong circle of friends around me, some have come and some have gone, and the same with men. One thing that brings me peace however is knowing that the universe is working its magic and everything is as it should be. If someone wants to go, let them go, do not chase, do not force, do not plead and do not beg, because by doing this, you are resisting what God has planned for you, and then you will miss your blessing.

Everything seems so simple when you read quotes on Instagram and watch inspirational speakers on YouTube, but in actuality its f*cking hard to detach from what you know, even if it isn’t whats best for you. Detachment has definitely been my lesson over the last few months, and I am still learning. I am a Scorpio so I’m very extreme and once I attach myself to something/someone I’m all in. But attachment is the root of all evil, and learning to let go is the best thing for all of us. But how do we do it?

I don’t actually know the answer, and some days I’m able to let things be and trust my journey, whilst other days I’m up until 4am overthinking my entire life and questioning everything. The main thing that has helped me though is being aware of my thought process and accepting that I cant control everything in life, but I can control that. Once you start to actually realize how your brain works and that you can actually dismiss negative thoughts, worries etc and replace them with positive thoughts, you’re already halfway there. Another great thing is educating yourself, teaching yourself new things. The internet is truly a blessing, books are a blessing, information is at our finger tips and we have access to so much knowledge, we have to use it to our advantage. Lets spend less time watching trash TV and more time on what allows us to grow.

Its a process, I know, and trust me I’m just learning as I go along, I don’t know any more than you. Lets use the seasons changing to our advantage , lets at least try to let go of one thing that we know deep down is no longer beneficial to us.

Basically if you’re here you probably follow me on social media already so you have an insight into my life and the things I appreciate.

I’ve battled over the years with writing a blog, I’ve done it so many times and stopped because as much as I love writing, I’m not too keen on letting people in to my personal life. I do feel like I’m in a place now however where I can open up a little more and discuss things that I wouldn’t have in the past.

So I shall use this as an outlet, to debate, to share and also to post outfit deets (obvs) and the million dollar fuckin question that I get asked every day,

Where do I buy my jeans lol

Comment, subscribe, let me know what you want to read, do all that fun stuff.