How to Get Your Ex Back if You Were Clingy

It’s convenient because Mike works close enough that he can walk to work. The smallness of the house doesn’t bother them at all because they are just so happy being together.

They wake up every morning to the sun’s rays dancing through the curtains into their little kitchen. Life couldn’t be more perfect. The air in their house almost even feels lighter than the air outside.

It doesn’t even bother them when the sink starts to leak because they work together to fix it.

But, time goes by and the house starts to seem smaller than it once did.

Do You Even Have a Chance of Getting Your Ex Back? Find out in 2 Minutes...

Sarah can’t do something without Mike being a part of it, even if he doesn’t mean to be.

They start to argue over who’s responsible for the dishes in the sink.

Their house doesn’t fit them anymore. The walls seem closer together and the air feels stale.

I’m not sure if Sarah asked him to or if he decided to on his own, but Mike packs his things and moves into a hotel up the road.

For the first two or three weeks, he habitually walks into the house several times. Each time Sarah politely makes chit chat as she ushers him back out the front door. She ignores his comments about the small changes around the house and she skillfully dodges all mention of the life they had together.

Finally, she decides to change the lock. When Mike’s key doesn’t work, his feelings are hurt and he pounds loudly on the door.

Sarah doesn’t even open it. She just talks to him through the door.

“Mike, you don’t live here anymore. You can’t keep showing up. I need some time.”

He leaves. The walk back to the hotel seems longer. His feet feel heavier.

The next day, he walks down Maple Street so he doesn’t have to walk past the house they used to live in together. That doesn’t stop him from thinking about it though.

One day, his curiosity gets the better of him. He uses his old route to get home.

He is shocked. She has replaced the dry cracked paint with a new vibrant color, that, frankly, makes Mike a little sick.

If he’s ever going to move back there, that color just won’t do.

He heads to the store and returns carrying gallons and gallons of the original color.

When he returns, he finds Sarah outside on a ladder, fixing a shutter that had begun to off the hinges a few months into them living there. She is quick to tell him that he’s not painting the house. He doesn’t live there anymore, so he doesn’t get a say in what color it is. Why can’t he just give her space like she asked?

Mike doesn’t even pick up the paint. He leaves and finds himself getting more and more agitated. It was almost like he had never even lived in the house. He had thought maybe if he painted the house back the color it was when they first moved there that she would let him help with the other repairs. Then she might ask him to come back.

He stayed away for a few weeks, but he couldn’t stop thinking about that horrible color and wondering what other changes she has made.

He decided to walk to the edge of the neighbor’s yard, where he could see the house without Sarah knowing.

There was a huge fence around the entire house. The “Keep Out” and “Beware of the Dog” signs made it clear that she didn’t want him anywhere near her.

How would he ever get her back? He just wanted to go back to the way things were.

When he looks at the house that used to be theirs, all he sees is the life they had.

Alright. Let’s come back to reality for a moment, because Sarah and Mike are just made up people and their house is an analogy that I will explain in a moment.

Besides, I was starting to get a little agitated at Mike, which is silly since he doesn’t exist.

It’s easy to look at someone else’s situation and just know what it is that they should’ve done. And you can usually tell what actions the should take (or stop taking) in the future.

But looking at our own situations is different. Our judgment is clouded by our emotions and our desires. That’s why we make so many mistakes at the beginning when emotions are high.

It’s usually only after we think we’ve screwed things up that we start looking to others to help us find a little clarity on our situations.

Right?

Isn’t that how you ended up here?

The “Come Back”

So, how do you come back from trying to hold on too tightly and driving your ex so far away that it doesn’t seem likely that she’ll ever come back?

Is it even possible?

Well, I say that it’s up to you.

You have to decide to keep your emotions in check.

Am I say not to feel what you’re feeling?

No. Absolutely not.

I am telling you not to let your emotions determine your actions.

If you take what we tell you here and put it into action then your odds of having her come back to you are much higher than if you keep doing what you’re doing or if you give up.

The way I see it, you’ve tried a way that doesn’t work. Now you can try a way that has helped several hundred people get their exes back.

Yes. It is possible to come back after making even the most desperate mistakes.

I know I know, I sound like some Disney yahoo.

It’s not going to be all sunshine and rainbows. I won’t tell you it will be. I can tell you that it will be easier with a plan and people who can support you. We provide both of those things.

Step One: Where To Start?

So, as I always say, let’s dive in.

The hardest thing in starting anything is taking the first step.

I’m sure you picked up on the analogy earlier, but I’m going to walk through it anyways.

The house is the life that the two of you built together. At first, it’s solid and perfect. You don’t mind having each other all up in your business all the time.

Over time, things slip. You get comfortable and you stop putting in so much effort. Hence the peeling paint and the hanging shutters.

The leaving, that’s the breakup, whether she broke up with you or you decided to leave on your own, you decided you wanted her back and you… overreached, so to speak.

Don’t worry, it’s in everyone’s nature to do just that. More people than you can even begin to imagine react by trying to hold onto what they had and driving their ex away.

That first step means letting go of that past.

I know.

That’s not what you wanted to hear. Right?

Have you ever heard someone say “The first step is acceptance.” Usually, they are talking about addictions, death, or other things that alter your perceptions of life.

But emotions alter your perception too.

Choosing to fight against those natural reactions though is hard. It takes discipline.It’s a quality that so few people have these days. If you are one of those few, then I suggest you summon every ounce of self-control that you have.

Discipline is about your ability to control your desires and impulses in order to stay focused on what needs to be done to achieve a goal.

I know you think the goal is just to get your ex back and all of your focus right now is on her and what she’s doing. But your discipline needs to be to shift your focus onto your life.

It will feel like it is the most difficult thing you will ever do.

Your mind will wander back to what she’s doing and inevitably you’ll find yourself looking at her social media or driving past her house. The discipline is redirecting your mind to your own life.

First, start No Contact. That is a must. You can’t move forward if you are still looking backward. You can read more about No Contact and how long it should be here.

Once you start No Contact, you should decide what you want to accomplish in your life. Don’t worry about her’s. You can’t control anything she does or anything she has going on in her life. What you can do is control what’s going on in yours.

Step Two: Layout a Plan

So, figure out how to make you are going to improve your life, and we’ll go from there. But you need to have a clear picture of what it is that you’re going for.

For me, when I had to make the distinction, I had to decide to finish up some courses I was putting off finishing. I had to figure out if the hobbies and interests I had in my life were there because I wanted them there or if they were there because I thought they were something my ex had brought into my life. And I had some old college debt I need to take care of. I had put all of it off because it was one big mountain. I was happy so my mountains didn’t really matter to me much at the time.

But then, after you get to a point where you aren’t happy and you are looking backward instead of forwards, you don’t have the motivation to conquer mountains either.

So, get your head wrapped around the things you can change.

Once you get this picture solidified in your mind, you need to lay out what it is going to take to get there. I mean step by step what it will take.

Step Three: Get Rid of Distractions

For me, laying out a plan meant I had to evaluate my student debt. I had to do a lot of studying to knock out my last few classes. And I had to learn how to reset my mind to redirect every time I started to think about what might have been and what my ex was doing that very moment.

It was far from easy.It’s like we are with our phones now.

It’s like we are with our phones now.

Think about it. When you have a moment when there is nothing specific for you to focus on, what is the first thing you do?

You look at your phone, right?

And it isn’t because there is something important on it. It’s just because it has been a source of entertainment ever since you’ve had it.

Kind of like your ex.

At the beginning, when you were bored, you would reach out to her. Then, once you were together, you knew she would be there if you reached out to her.

Breaking that habit is no easy feat.

If you were having a hard time giving up the habit of reaching for your phone and checking facebook every time you were bored, what would you do?

You would remove facebook from your phone or at least log out and make it more difficult to log on. Right?

That’s why it’s important to remove the distractions in this situation too.

Unfollow her on Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat, and whatever other social media you have a habit of checking on her with.

This will make it easier to focus on your goals rather than hers.

I can’t illustrate how important this is for you to be successful.

But this baby does a pretty decent job of it.

Step Four: Stick with it

The hardest part about all of this is not giving up on your goals when you have setbacks.

One of the best things I ever found that made it easier to stick with it was setting up a countdown for the end of No Contact. You know, one that reminded you how much time you had left until you could move into the Texting Phase. The most important thing for you to remember once you make it to the Texting Phase is not to let your emotions take over and drive your actions.

What Do You Think? (28)

Patrick

June 27, 2017

Hi. I was in a relationship for 6 months but she broke up with me quite abruptly. She said I had become too insecure about her guy best friend. It’s been a month since the breakup and I haven’t tried to contact her but I see her at school everyday. She told my friend that she doesn’t wanna talk to me because she thinks I will bring up the breakup and the relationship again. Although I want her back, I’m willing to take it slow. How do I get her to at least talk to me as a friend? So I can build up attraction and get back with her in time?

EGR Team Member: Amor

July 6, 2017

are you actively improving yourself? what new activities have you started?

dylan

May 22, 2017

i got you book thinking it would have more information on my situation. Maybe its that i didn’t stumble onto it soon enough. i was in a relationship for 18 months with my ex and it was very fulfilling. this past march on the 6th she said she wanted a break just so she could work on herself. i was scared i thought it was her getting rid of me and i told her i was depressed. she knew that and we spent the next 3 nights in my car she placed my head on her chest and slept with me telling me she loved me. she knew i felt like my world was coming to an end. she knew it made me feel as if i wanted to die. i still gave her rides everywhere and we worked together and so she tried to implement distance but it just wasn’t happening and i could see her getting less and less happy. about 10 days later i was telling her about how depressed i was and how i just wanted to be with her again she just didn’t give any kind of response i she always cared and now she didn’t i was hurt and so i asked her why she was acting like such a bitch. it was the first time id ever called her anything like that. she made me stop the car so she could get out. she told me we were done and that she would let me take her on one date after her mission(serve for the church in a different state for 18 months very limited contact from family and friends). Originally our plan was to get married pretty much as soon as she got home from her mission. we had contemplated just getting married instead of her going multiple times since it was literally the only thing holding us back from doing so. she ended up getting back in the car and i dropped her off she said shed give me one last hug but she was absolutely done with me and she would give me one date when she returned to try and save what we had. she wasn’t even going to leave on her mission for another 6-7 months at this point. so i went a few days without talking to her at all and she admitted she missed me and gave me a kiss then i went back to constantly having conversations about us getting back together and when shed change her social media pictures from us id change them back and that battle went on for a few weeks. she told me she sent my mom a happy birthday text message on April 1st. then at a group gathering that is known to be spiritual i pleaded for her to talk to me for 5 minutes she told me i had pushed her to far and that shed lost all her feelings for me because of how id acted since we broke up and to leave her alone. so i didn’t talk to her at that point for about 2 weeks then she decided to talk to me to like have a closure talk so i could move on since she was so done with me…. (at this time shed just started hanging out with this guy neither of us knew like 24/7 she said he was a hoe and shed never date him because she has self respect) so we were talking and she decided she wanted to take a shower. well i wasn’t done talking so i kept talking to her through the door and once she turned the water on i opened the door to continue talking. she was not happy at all about that she felt like i wasn’t respecting her boundaries or wishes.(“are you f*** serious”) after that i pretty much took all the good from the talk and acted as if we were friends but she did not see it that way at all. she didn’t want to be friends or anything until i was completely over her. that and she was still mad. so she ended up blocking me on snapchat so i made a fake one to see what she was up to. (crazy i see my wrongs now) i saw the damn guy on there all the freaking time and i wanted to know what the hell he was so i asked her. she said they were talking but just friends. i was at her house later on that night and i confronted her about it pretending someone had sent me the information. she told me the same thing he is a hoe and that he is just a friend. i pleaded told her if she was going to talk to someone than to talk to me to. make it a competition and i promised her that she would chose me in the end. that she would see why i was the obvious choice and shed remember how much she loves me. so she falls asleep and I’m going crazy in my head trying to think of what i can do to fix everything and so i gave her a kiss on her cheek and pulled up her covers. she woke up and freaked out then told everyone i was crazy. its been a little over a month since that happened i haven’t talked to her at all except to text her when she left to California last week. to tell her i was sorry for not being myself and that i only want her to be happy in short. the last week she was in Utah she thought i was talking to another girl and after that she started holding the guys hand when shed see me around and lay on his shoulder but never kiss or anything. she asked my friends if it made me mad or jealous and she thought it was funny. i was acting as if i didn’t care at all. i did find out she slept at the guys house (not stalking mutual friends told me). now she is in California i personally haven’t talked to her face to face in about a month. i did send her that text though. i was obsessive and stupid if id just played it no contact from the start we would be together right now. now she claims she hates me. this is a girl that i want to spend the rest of my life with. i just want to know what i can possibly do to be in a position to where shed see me as a potential partner again. i know my actions made her scared of me as if i was unstable so i think that is the biggest thing. where do i go from here. I’ve implemented the no contact. its been about 30 days. i know her and she’s not going to respond to my text especially as long as she’s talking to someone else.

dylan

May 22, 2017

sorry didnt mean to double post

EGR Team Member: Amor

May 22, 2017

was it 30 days since you last texted her? how much did you improve and how active we’re you in posting?

Dillon

May 22, 2017

i got you book thinking it would have more information on my situation. Maybe its that i didn’t stumble onto it soon enough. i was in a relationship for 18 months with my ex and it was very fulfilling. this past march on the 6th she said she wanted a break just so she could work on herself. i was scared i thought it was her getting rid of me and i told her i was depressed. she knew that and we spent the next 3 nights in my car she placed my head on her chest and slept with me telling me she loved me. she knew i felt like my world was coming to an end. she knew it made me feel as if i wanted to die. i still gave her rides everywhere and we worked together and so she tried to implement distance but it just wasn’t happening and i could see her getting less and less happy. about 10 days later i was telling her about how depressed i was and how i just wanted to be with her again she just didn’t give any kind of response i she always cared and now she didn’t i was hurt and so i asked her why she was acting like such a bitch. it was the first time id ever called her anything like that. she made me stop the car so she could get out. she told me we were done and that she would let me take her on one date after her mission(serve for the church in a different state for 18 months very limited contact from family and friends). Originally our plan was to get married pretty much as soon as she got home from her mission. we had contemplated just getting married instead of her going multiple times since it was literally the only thing holding us back from doing so. she ended up getting back in the car and i dropped her off she said shed give me one last hug but she was absolutely done with me and she would give me one date when she returned to try and save what we had. she wasn’t even going to leave on her mission for another 6-7 months at this point. so i went a few days without talking to her at all and she admitted she missed me and gave me a kiss then i went back to constantly having conversations about us getting back together and when shed change her social media pictures from us id change them back and that battle went on for a few weeks. she told me she sent my mom a happy birthday text message on April 1st. then at a group gathering that is known to be spiritual i pleaded for her to talk to me for 5 minutes she told me i had pushed her to far and that shed lost all her feelings for me because of how id acted since we broke up and to leave her alone. so i didn’t talk to her at that point for about 2 weeks then she decided to talk to me to like have a closure talk so i could move on since she was so done with me…. (at this time shed just started hanging out with this guy neither of us knew like 24/7 she said he was a hoe and shed never date him because she has self respect) so we were talking and she decided she wanted to take a shower. well i wasn’t done talking so i kept talking to her through the door and once she turned the water on i opened the door to continue talking. she was not happy at all about that she felt like i wasn’t respecting her boundaries or wishes.(“are you f*** serious”) after that i pretty much took all the good from the talk and acted as if we were friends but she did not see it that way at all. she didn’t want to be friends or anything until i was completely over her. that and she was still mad. so she ended up blocking me on snapchat so i made a fake one to see what she was up to. (crazy i see my wrongs now) i saw the damn guy on there all the freaking time and i wanted to know what the hell he was so i asked her. she said they were talking but just friends. i was at her house later on that night and i confronted her about it pretending someone had sent me the information. she told me the same thing he is a hoe and that he is just a friend. i pleaded told her if she was going to talk to someone than to talk to me to. make it a competition and i promised her that she would chose me in the end. that she would see why i was the obvious choice and shed remember how much she loves me. so she falls asleep and I’m going crazy in my head trying to think of what i can do to fix everything and so i gave her a kiss on her cheek and pulled up her covers. she woke up and freaked out then told everyone i was crazy. its been a little over a month since that happened i haven’t talked to her at all except to text her when she left to California last week. to tell her i was sorry for not being myself and that i only want her to be happy in short. the last week she was in Utah she thought i was talking to another girl and after that she started holding the guys hand when shed see me around and lay on his shoulder but never kiss or anything. she asked my friends if it made me mad or jealous and she thought it was funny. i was acting as if i didn’t care at all. i did find out she slept at the guys house (not stalking mutual friends told me). now she is in California i personally haven’t talked to her face to face in about a month. i did send her that text though. i was obsessive and stupid if id just played it no contact from the start we would be together right now. now she claims she hates me. this is a girl that i want to spend the rest of my life with. i just want to know what i can possibly do to be in a position to where shed see me as a potential partner again. i know my actions made her scared of me as if i was unstable so i think that is the biggest thing. what can i do? it took me awhile to see i wasn’t myself and i was letting fear anxiety and just stupidity dictate my actions.

EGR Team Member: Amor

May 22, 2017

was it 30 days since you last texted her? how much did you improve and how active we’re you in posting?

dylan

May 23, 2017

so it was 30 days after. we have a really good mutual friend and he actually just called to tell me that she is planning on contacting me in about a month. she just wants to be friends. she did tell him that her and the guy she started talking to right after our break up are officially a thing though. she has future plans and so he told her that he loves her but she didn’t say it back. right now they are just friends with benefits. but she moved out of state so she isn’t in state with either of us. she is talking to him every night right now though. he wants to marry her already but her plans prohibit that and she said she wants to live a little and doesn’t want to. is there anything that our friend can say (she doesn’t know we are in close contact) that will help me out when he talks to her? also I’m trying to get myself in a position of power and just better myself as much as possible. i have never been so motivated. But what do you suggest!!!??? i finally feel like there is hope for the first time since this all started! i really don’t want to mess this up. i am looking at the long term. She also thinks i might be talking to another girl…. I’m not

dylan

May 23, 2017

i also went and spent time with my family she is still friends with them on all social media. the only thing she sees is me being with my family and being happy.

dielon

May 24, 2017

so me and my ex broke up about 3 months ago we dated for 18 months. i grew very clingy and obsessed the farther she pushed me away once she told me she wanted a break may 6th. granted before i did any of that there wasn’t one bad thing she could say about me. she actually only wanted a break until i became obsessive. about a month after we broke up this guy started coming onto her really strong. long story short she won’t claim him she just says they are a thing. I’ve been no contact for about a little over a month. i got really close to one of her friends she talks to all of the time about things. me and him actually got really close through all of this because once she pushed me away and started talking to this guy it seemed like she did that with all her old friends too. So she recently moved back to California where this mutual friend of ours lives. she got in contact with him and they talked about me and she said she’s been really happy…(I’m guessing honeymoon stage) she also said she was going to reach out to me in a month or so because she wants to see if i want to be friends(he said that the way she said this she didnt seem like she cared though). with her in that honey moon stage with this other guy do i have any shot? they are no longer in the same state. now both me and him and in Utah and she’s in California. i guess he told her he loved her right before she left and she didnt say anything back and that he wants to marry her but she said she want to live life… i find that response weird because she was always so excited to get married when she dated me. this is the girl i want to spend the rest of my life with. I’m willing to do whatever it takes and wait as long as i need to. obviously i have plenty to keep me busy improving other aspects of my life.

EGR Team Member: Amor

May 30, 2017

keep improving yourself..dont stop it while slowly building rapport.. and dont rush things.. so that she wont think your still clingy..

Ruobing

April 27, 2017

HI Amor

My gf broke up with me about 2 months ago. we have only been together for 3months. we had a lot of passion for each other at the beginning but we broke up because i was too clingy and that caused a lot of fights. she eventually said she does not have any feelings for me. at the time she also started seeing another guy just before we broke up. I did NC for about 1 week and got in contact with her. she responded to me very positively. we have been talking every day or every few days. 3 weeks ago we met up again, I kind of asked her if she is still dating and she said she is not anymore. since then I have been seeing her almost 1-2 times a week. we have been just like friends and I have started making physical contact, but have not get the chance to hold her hand or kiss her yet. i didn’t feel the time is right. she asked to see a movie next week and I am planning to make more physical contact. Now she would hang out with me but does not text me much, which is different comparing to when I contacted her just after NC. she would share a lot of details with me. I thought if we started seeing each other we should get closer and she should text me more often? is she doing this on purpose to see if I am still clingy? or does it mean i am friend zoned and she sees me more like a friend ? thanks

Ruobing

BTW I have improved myself, i no longer bombard her with texts now if she does not reply. I am giving her a lot of space. I am also focusing on a lot of other activities recently.

EGR Team Member: Amor

April 30, 2017

Your nc was too short.. you need to restart it and do at least 3 weeks or 30 days and then take it slow in building rapport after.

JJ

April 22, 2017

Can I recover from failing a girls tests & get her back if she says she doesn’t want to see me again? First of all sorry for the long narrative! So I’ve messed up big time with failing tests from a girl I really like. We were only seeing each other for 2 months, but there was a connection & the sex was fantastic. I’ve made all the classic mistakes while being drunk; telling her I’m a bit insecure, telling her I want to be with her & that I was falling for her, acting a bit needy & the last straw was when I reacted negatively when she cancelled plans last minute. I know she liked me before this. Last time i saw her she said I have all the ingredients to be her perfect man & this was after how I acted as I did except for the cancelled plan thing, which is obviously confusing for me. I fell for her as she is pretty much perfect for me. She gave me the ‘I don’t think I can be in a relationship’ line & that shes confused & feeling a bit down & that she needs time on her own to sort herself out. She told me she didn’t want to see me anymore last Friday by phone call, I reacted well. I said would there be a chance to start fresh once she’s sorted herself out & she said she wouldn’t close the door. I also said I wouldn’t put my life on hold & that if I wasn’t seeing anyone I’d be happy to try again, wished her well & got off the phone. it was my birthday last sat & she text me early in the morning saying:

Hey, not sure I articulated myself well yesterday so I just wanted to say I’m sorry for how things have ended up. I didn’t mean for it to be this way. I’ve been amazed by how you go about life, how you are with people you care about and how you have been with me. You are very thoughtful, kind, honest, loyal, determined and a true gentleman. I’ve not met anyone like you for years. I know there were some things that bothered me, but equally you made me feel so valued, and ironically I suppose that’s why I’ve had to stop seeing you. You deserve to feel equally valued, and I can’t give that to you right now. And that’s not fair on either of us. Yes we had some issues between us, but at least we talked them out, and although many remain unresolved, at least there isn’t anything I left unsaid. Have an amazing day and evening doing what you love and being with the people that care about you, and please take the feathers off and pull the barriers away more often as more people will see you real you and you have so much to give. Happy birthday xx

I haven’t replied.

Does she need time to see I’m not that needy, insecure guy & If I go no contact, sort myself out, be a better man & reinitiate contact in a month, do I stand a chance or should I just try & forget about the idea of seeing her again?

EGR Team Member: Amor

She doesn’t need time to see it.. You have to to genuinely change whether she sees it or not.. No contact helps increase your chances but only if you genuinely change..

Tim

April 22, 2017

So sorry for the long message…

Obviously I’m here because I’ve recently broken up with a girl I had been dating and really cared about. I’ve tried just about everything to get over it, have kept myself busy with friends, seen other girls, and just generally tried my best not to think about her. I find myself a little embarrassed sharing all of this because it shows that I’ve let a single person (My Ex) affect me so much.

A little background about myself: I’m 25 years old, working full- time now after graduating from college in 2015. I’ve never been much of a relationship guy, in fact I’ve only had one real relationship before that lasted maybe a year or year and a half back towards the end of high school. In college I never even gave it a thought having a girlfriend, I just enjoyed going out and meeting many different girls. Now that I’m working and a little more settled down, I’ve started dating more frequently and have thought about trying to find a partner or girlfriend. I’ve found it much more difficult post college meeting girl’s organically through friends and connections even though I do have quite a few girl friends and have a pretty outgoing personality, decent looks, and a good job. I’ll admit, I’ve resorted to the Tinder and Bumble scene and have had relative success with it.

With Tinder and Bumble, I’ll match with a bunch of girls, but I’ll only talk to the best looking ones. (Kind of shallow, I know, but it’s the truth) Of course the prettier girls are generally the harder ones to get a date with and then similarly difficult to keep seeing after a first date just because lots of other guys show interest in them as well. I usually go for 3-4 messages back and forth and then just lay it out there that I’d like to take them for dinner and ask if they’re interested. I’ve probably taken 5 girls out over the past year or so that were all very attractive. I’d say the dates all go pretty well, in some cases I’ve seen the girl for a second date or third, but after that it hasn’t really panned out.

With the girl I recently broke up with, it happened slightly different from the above mentioned cases. Let’s call the girl I just broke up with Jane. Jane and I matched on Bumble over a year ago, we talked for a bit, exchanged phone numbers, but then never met because she was still on and off with her ex-boyfriend who had moved out of the state. We just stopped talking or rather she just didn’t respond any further. It was no big deal and I didn’t push my luck at all or act desperate in any way. Fast forward a year and I get a Facebook, Snapchat, and Instagram friend request from her. I come to find that she had deleted her social media and had just re- added everyone. I had completely forgotten this girl, but I took the opportunity to send her a message or two and then ask her to dinner, which she accepts.

I pick her up in my nice car and take her to a nice restaurant, where we had a great dinner, enjoyed some nice food and drinks and really got on very well with one another. After dinner we decided to grab “another drink” which turned into several drinks and essentially we went out together that night until 2AM or so. In my previous blind dates, I never really made it past the dinner part before dropping the girl off. This time we were having an amazing time with each other and it was definitely a good first date. At the end of the night, since we had been drinking and I lived rather far away, she invited me to stay at her house. Just want to disclose here, that she still lives in her parents’ house so she literally had to ask her mom’s permission to have me over. (She’s 24 years old, I’m now 25) I stay the night over there, we make out, sleep together, but don’t have sex. It was a great first date and I knew at that point when I woke up the following morning that I would be seeing this girl again. I couldn’t believe my luck really, this girl is beautiful, I’d say prettier than any girl I’d ever been with previously. But at the time I didn’t show that I was intimidated in any way, I was confident. It seemed too good to be true. We texted back and forth the following week and made plans for the following weekend together. We ended up having a fun day on our second date and she ended up staying at my apartment that night. I won’t detail every little date we had, but long story a little shorter, we continued seeing each for the next 3 months, spending quite a lot of time together.

3 months isn’t a long time for most people, but for me it kind of is. I developed feelings for her during this time period and I could tell she did the same, but maybe not to the same degree. Now, I’ll get to the point of how and why we broke up/stopped seeing eachother and to do that I think a little background on her would be helpful. “Jane” blew me away with her looks and she is a genuinely happy and nice girl with a good personality, very fun to be around. While early on, everything was going well and we got along great, there were a few red flags that I noticed. #1 living at home as a 24 year old was a little odd, not that it’s too uncommon, but she could afford to live on her own. During the first month of seeing each other, I spent significant amount of time at her house, becoming friendly with her parents who definitely seemed to like me. #2 She had a strangely close relationship with her mom, and I’m really not a judgmental person, in fact I’m very close to my family too, but trust me it was oddly close between the two of them. Her mom in my opinion controls a lot of what she does and she shares everything with her mom. #3 This started after our very first date, she started posting every photo of us on Facebook and Instagram, while constantly posting Snapchat stories with me in them. Things were moving very very fast… Too fast. She was promoting her new found relationship and it was something I kind of liked, but found to be a little over the top. Like I mentioned earlier, I’m not a relationship guy, I don’t know any better, and this girl is sooo good looking, I wasn’t complaining. Lastly #4, she was a little nutty with the social media as a whole, commonly posting several things a day on Facebook, Instagram and Snapchat, possibly because she needed that little bit of extra attention. Other than these few red flags, everything seemed good and we were both happy as can be for the first 5-6 weeks of seeing each other.

After about 6 weeks when we had our first argument/fight/disagreement/miscommunication or whatever you want to call it. I had taken a weekend trip to Washington DC to visit some friends and it was no big deal, we stayed in touch for that weekend through a few texts here and there. What I later found out was that she was a little disappointed that I didn’t facetime and call her more because I had mentioned that I would before I left for the trip. I was just having fun and was pre occupied with my friends, no big deal. Anyways, she didn’t make a huge deal about it, but the following weekend is when we had our first problem (That I don’t know if we ever truly recovered from) We had loose plans to meetup on a Friday night. I was grabbing a drink with one of my guy friends and she was going out with one of her girlfriends and essentially that night we had a miscommunication, I texted her a few too many time trying to meetup and she got annoyed with me and kind of blew me off. The next morning we talked on the phone for a few minutes and I made a mistake. I should have apologized and just said it was no big deal, I acted stupid last night, just wanted to see you, instead we got into this big argument. We didn’t talk for the majority of that Saturday until she texted me with a “hey” that night and we sort of made up a little.

Essentially, we made it about 6 weeks of perfect, no problems, kind of a honeymoon period. After this fight we had many good times together, but the fighting and arguments occurred on a weekly basis from here on out. It was the sort of unavoidable fights that were occurring, usually her picking them. She opened up to me that she had some anxiety problems, had had some cheating ex boy friends and would commonly shut down whenever there was an issue. I started to see an unstable side to this girl that I hadn’t seen before. I couldn’t help but think of the sexy/crazy matrix. Where girls just can’t have it all, the good looks, smarts, sanity. (Joking here of course) After a few fights and instability between us, Jane started to slowly but surely take down our social media photos. It wasn’t a great sign, but then again this girl is a little whacky with the social media. The oddest thing she sent me was an email with a link to this article: http://www.puckermob.com/moblog/to-the-man-dating-the-girl-who-pushes-people-away, which basically tried to get me to understand her craziness better. The article is about a girl who pushes guys away because she is scared. Huge red flag, I know, but I can’t help my feelings at this point, I liked her a lot.

On a good night, when we had a good week, I showed my very first bit of weakness. We had “the talk” and basically agreed that we aren’t seeing other people. Being honest, I was a little awkward with how I proposed it, but it didn’t seem like a big deal at the time. The next month or two, until our eventual downfall, we spent some fun days and nights together, took trips to Disney, went to the beach, etc. But we had a few underlying issues. I may have become a little overbearing, needy, less confident. After our first big argument, I sent a bouquet of flowers to her work one day, which was a really nice gesture and she seemed to really appreciate it. Of course this good will only lasted another week or so and we were having issues again. Valentines Day came around and I took her out to the beach, organized picking up heart shaped pizza and we enjoyed a great night. It’s just those grand gestures, while they seem like you’re doing something to make the relationship better, it doesn’t really help. Had to be more aloof and less dependent on her and stop trying too hard.

I built up some expectations and always wanted to invite her to do things with me because I enjoyed her company and she seemed to enjoy mine. That was the underlying issue, I would want to hang out with her and she felt guilty not wanting to all the time. I wouldn’t say I was overly pushy or did anything too extreme but towards the end, we just weren’t happy at all. The romance wasn’t there anymore because we were fighting a lot. The fighting arose from me wanting to spend too much time with her. She was putting in effort too though, it wasn’t completely one sided. She would occasionally invite me to do things and go out of her way to show she was trying.

When we were on the brink of breaking up with each other, I sent her a long email (Stupid mistake, I know) that was really from the heart. (I mentioned many things in that email, but I also mentioned that I was starting to fall in love with her) She seemed to appreciate the email and said she needed some time to gather her thoughts/feelings and we would talk about it all. 2 days go by and she hadn’t reached out directly. She was indirectly liking my mom and my sisters Instagram posts, even commenting on them, but she hadn’t texted me anything.

This is where I made my greatest mistake, other than the controlling behavior which I already mentioned. I went to a professional sporting event with another girl. I put a snapchat story up that panned the game and then had the girl in it as well. It was stupid, immature and I shouldn’t have done it. I wanted to make Jane jealous. I received a text from her 15 minutes later saying “Never talk to me again” and after that there was simply no coming back. She said my email had been completely thrown out the window by this. She blocked me on Facebook and Snapchat that night, only to eventually unblock me, but never added me back as a friend. She didn’t however block me on Instagram.

I never begged, I didn’t completely lose my pride, but there was nothing I could do now. I asked for my apartment key, $100, and sweatshirt back and she replied that she would return by Sunday. Of course Sunday comes around and she doesn’t drop anything off. Instead of becoming pushy I just let it go for a few days and sure enough the following Thursday, she texted me saying she had dropped the stuff under my mat while I was at work. She waited a full 4 days later to drop my stuff off when she easily could have done it earlier. She works right across the street from my apartment. For me, this was the final straw.

Being a guy, I should have been over it, time to move on, but there was something about this one that I just completely fell for. Again, I’ll reiterate that I didn’t beg, but I did try one more time to have a conversation with her via text. I explained that I was sorry how our relationship was ending up and that I was guilty of making some mistakes. She asked me what I thought I had done wrong and I explained. She agreed with a lot of what I was saying. We left it there with me saying I’d love to just see you sometime just to talk and clear the air. She said she needed to be alone and that it was too much for her right now. She seemed ticked off with me about the snapchat still, saying “she already knew you could get other pretty girls” and “you do you.” She resented the fact that I had sent that snapchat just to receive a reaction from her. I really can’t blame her, it was a stupid decision to do that.

I considered the relationship to be completely over at this point, I gave it one try owning some of my mistakes, saying I learned from them and backhandedly asked for a second chance. She didn’t take the bait this time and it was of course time to move on. After all, we were both unhappy, the drama was way too much for a healthy relationship.

As the next week or two went by, she continued liking all of my moms and my sisters Instagram posts (Yes she had them on Instagram) She also like my Instagram post with a few of my friends. She snapchat messaged a mutual friend whom she only had met once through me. It just seemed like I couldn’t shake her off. She was still indirectly in contact with me, but not actually reaching out. The next weekend, I saw her at a bar from a distance as she walked in, we made awkward eye contact but said nothing to each other. It was a huge bar but of course she chose to stand maybe 10-15 feet away from my friends and I, almost as to show off how great she looked that night. A few days after this occurrence, was my 25th birthday. I received plenty of happy birthday wishes from friends and family, but wondered if she would say anything. Sure enough, later in the day she texted me a ”happy birthday” no exclamations, no emojis, but a happy birthday nonetheless. I let an hour or so go and respond nicely to her, saying I hope she’s doing well. She replied one more time wishing me well and that was it, it was left like that.

The following week, maybe 10 days after we had officially stopped seeing/talking to eachother, she’s posting photos with another guy… It hurt to see, but at the same time it confused me a lot. This guy looks like a step down, as biased as I may be this dude is surprisingly overweight, not attractive, older (as in approx. 35 years old) Thoughts start going through my head, he must be rich or have a great job, how could she move on so quickly, is she just a serial dater, is it a rebound. I had no idea, but I don’t see them being together say 6 months or a year from now. He must be 10 years older, he’s overweight, etc. So I let another week or so go and block her on Instagram (Only social media I still had her on). Just so she can’t see what I’m up to and I can’t see what she’s up to. A few days after this, she texts me unexpectedly while I’m at work with a picture of one of my old shirts that I had let her wear one time. The message said “Do you want this?” Maybe I shouldn’t have thought too much into it and she had just come across the shirt, and was trying to be nice, but it was just an old t shirt, it had been a few weeks without contact, it could also have been her fishing for a response. Either way, I replied “No thanks, don’t need it” and that was the last contact I’ve had with her exactly 2 weeks ago from today.

We’ve been done for just over a month and as much as I’ve tried to get over her I can’t seem to. I’ve stayed active, gone to the gym, run clubs, hung out with friends, gone on dates, stayed busy at work, etc. I just really want a second chance to not force things and to be happy like at the very beginning of our relationship. The main problem was diving into the relationship so fast. She really set the precedent here. Once things went south, she started becoming emotional and obviously her friends and her mom were able to see how unhappy she was. I believe her mom and her friends began to have a negative opinion of me and that is always tough to go up against.

I think to her, maybe I’m just another guy that she dated for a while, but to me she’s a great girl, very pretty and while she has her issues too, I want to be with her again, but I can’t be. I haven’t contacted her, she’s contacted me indirectly twice on my birthday and for the shirt, not exactly great examples of her reaching out, but I’ve kept my cool. I don’t know what she’s up to now, but assume she’s still seeing this guy and going through that same honeymoon phase we went through.

I’d love to hear anyone’s opinion regarding this and whether or not you think I have any shot here. A 3 month relationship is not a long time, it’s already been a few days over a month since we really stopped seeing each other. I can hardly say something if she is dating another guy, but I do want to try ONE more time at some point to try and win her back. I’ve kind of already used up my no contact period and now need a long term strategy here. I’ll move on for the time being, maybe even find another girlfriend, but this girl is special to me and at some point I want to reach out to her again. I guess I want to know whether or not you recommend trying to start a conversation with her now or do I wait 6 months down thr road until the dust has completely settled? And do I bring up the relationship and its problems or pretend like nothing happened? I’m hoping the new guy is a rebound, he seems way older and like I said not the greatest looking.

Moral of this story, I think I tried to force the relationship too much as opposed to just letting it happen. It’s tough now because I just think of the unfulfilled potential, what could have been.

EGR Team Member: Amor

April 23, 2017

I’m going to be honest Tim, I didn’t read the whole comment because it’s too long..but if you really want a chance..don’t rush things..focus in improving yourself now, and then take it slow in building rapport

EGR Team Member: Amor

Jared

EGR Team Member: Amor

April 16, 2017

hi Jared

How may we help you?

John

April 15, 2017

Hi Amor,

I finished the 45nc and reached out with a first contact text but no reply. Thought it was game over from this point.! Until After 4 days I bumped into the ex with a mutual friend whilst I was walking, was soo random and was shocked because of the location which she knows I’m always around. It was a place that I normally would not bumped into her or a route. Said hello to everyone including her, small talk but friendly. I reached again the same day as she lives LD and never normally get chance. We officially broke up 2 months ago but things went down hill about 7months, ex was in the background and ended uP again with him now! looked not so great clothes wise but I’m normally really sharp but was casual look that day! Caught of guard! We went for a drink catch up and ended well. Text next day with a nice to see you etc.. I know I should not even done drinks, and message but it felt like once in a situation plus I wanted to re-kindle friendship as I was placed before but reversed it on her! I feel like I messed up because I really improved a lot. I been following the text bible to tee, however I did not get a chance to send out the three messages and I’m doing my best not to display neediness but keeping our convo or rapport building light! Is this good and when should I move on to other areas? Look forward hearing from you.

EGR Team Member: Amor

April 16, 2017

That’s a good sign that you’re back in talking..you don’t have to follow the texting guide literally.. You can adjust it based in your situation.. If you think resting for a few days is needed, that’s cool.. When you’re more comfortable texting each other, you can move to calls

John

April 17, 2017

Hi Amor,

Thanks for your information on text bible. We exchanged for a few days and was going well, so I slowed down for 3 days. She still with her partner and I texted her this weekend, was a happy seasonal message and included a family member who’s not with her at this moment. I go no reply and was wondering on how to reach out better on advice with people who are dating etc… Do I openly say to her when is best to contact you and how do you reach-out if you don’t get a reply from a text. I don’t want to comes cross desperate but I would like to implementing some better messages. I know the best times to text and u shouldn’t texted whilst he’s there but I wanted gage if this is a serious relationship but durning times she’s normally ok to text. What’s the best way to reachout again, or how to handle theses situations where you get no response from time to time! Can you guide me from the text bible please. Thank you ,

John 🙂

EGR Team Member: Amor

April 23, 2017

use topics that she always loves talking about..if you got no reply for 3 times, you have to stop.. rest for a week for the first time, 2 weeks for the second time…

Jordy

April 11, 2017

Hi chris can you make an article about staying in contact with your ex’s mom and family ?