Thursday, July 7, 2011

Oh Hail Naw

The Family Leader, an ultra-conservative Christian group in Iowa, has created a document called "The Marriage Vow – A Declaration of Dependence upon Marriage and Family," which they have asked Republican candidates for President to sign. It is a firm pledge to uphold "family values," and those who would sign the pledge must agree to the following principles (to include the banning of pornography). From ThinkProgress:

Bitch, don't fuck with my porn.

– HOMOSEXUALITY IS A CHOICE: The preface to the pledge reads, “Social protections…have been evaporating as we have collectively ‘debased the currency’ of marriage…in complete absence of empirical proof, that non-heterosexual inclination are genetically determined, irresistible and akin to innate traits like race, gender and eye color; as well as anti-scientific bias which holds, against all empirical evidence, that homosexual behavior in particular, and sexual promiscuity in general, optimizes individual or public health.” Footnote 8 reiterates this notion.

– HOMOSEXUALITY IS LIKE POLYGAMY, ADULTERY, POLYANDRY: Vow 4 requires the candidate to pledge “Vigorous opposition to any redefinition of the Institution of Marriage…through statutory, bureaucratic, or court-imposed recognition of intimate unions which are bigamous, polygamous, polyandrous, same-sex.”

– HOMOSEXUALITY IS A PUBLIC HEALTH RISK: Footnote 4 claims that homosexuality causes shorter life expectancy and a higher probability of a long list of sexually transmitted diseases. The Leader has previously compared same-sex marriage to second-hand smoking.

– SEX IS BETTER AFTER MARRIAGE: Vow 5 requires the candidate to support the notion that “married people enjoy better health, better sex.”

– PORNOGRAPHY SHOULD BE BANNED: Vow 9 stipulates that the candidate must “support human protection of women and the innocent fruit of conjugal intimacy” and protect them from “seduction into promiscuity and all forms of pornography…and other types of coercion or stolen innocence.”

I've worked in numerous porn stores, and while I do not really watch pornography all that often (it gets old after a while and I'm too busy besides), don't fuck with my right to watch hot gay boning whenever I want. Not only is this a booming industry (I thought you didn't want industry regulation, Mrs. Bachmann) that supports a LOT of employees in this country, there are far better industries to tackle that do a lot more harm.

The idea that sex is bad is one I firmly reject. I'm sorry that Mrs. Bachmann had to get herself hitched while she was a young chit of a thing, but the rest of us plan on having lots of fulfilling, happy sex for the rest of our lives. And in my case, no, it probably won't be with just one person. Banning pornography (but not, say, big tobacco or violence on TV) helps no one and certainly doesn't change the way people are going to fuck.

You know what? I would love to peruse the browsing history of Mr. Bachmann's laptop and see just what he would think about a ban on porn.