my god … it's full of stars

packed

I am exhausted. I made sure that my weekend was packed with action so that I didn’t have to think too much about what was going on in my life.

Friday and Saturday I was in Vermont with some very old friends, reliving the glory days and catching up on 13 years apart from each other. These lovely ladies that I was hanging out with were my best friends in high school and we had a severe falling out. I’ve been carrying around the trauma of that for the last 13 years and now I feel like I”m going to finally be able to give it up and move on. We drank sangria and looked at old photos and danced and talked until the wee hours of the night. And then on Saturday we went out for breakfast and then went back to my friend Sage’s house and did bodywork on each other. It’s the first time I’ve really put my hands on someone since I graduated from massage school. It was awesome. It felt like another layer of myself coming back to me.

Yesterday I spent the morning with another friend who was in town with her son who’s 2 days older than Darwin and then spent the afternoon at a brithday party for a 1 year-old.

All in all it was a great weekend, but now here I am, alone, having to face the loneliness and worry. I’m trying to jam-pack the evenings of this week as well, but even so I’ve got nothing filling my days. So all the concern and doubt and emotions still have plenty of space to come rushing in. I guess that’s kind of how it’s got to go right now though.