At the time, I thought it was right, but the professor who taught it disagreed.

Strongly. She was fired, and as she was escorted off campus, she said that...

I'm sorry, Henry, this is fascinating, but why are you telling me this?

The professor, Bigby, hinted that she hid all the Battle Magic spells somewhere on campus.

"You'll need them someday," she said, "And me."

Again, why?

All the Battle Magic spells are hidden in the library.

No one knows the library better than you.

Look, I'm sorry, okay?

We both are. Seriously sorry.

So where's Victoria?

Traveling.

I don't even know if she's on this planet anymore.

Can't blame her.

Spit in it.

What is it?

It's a hangover cure El and I used when we got the shakes.

I amped it up with Nightshade and a couple of Ativans.

Might make you a little woozy, but it could do the trick...

[spits]

Temporarily. So keep a stash on you.

It is good to see you guys, though.

f*ck off.

Okay.

[exhales]

[gasps]

This one... is sheer, hellcat perfection.

I don't give a sh1t about getting him.

You should.

Look, I didn't summon him.

I didn't get raped by him.

I have no skin in this except that I want to kick your ass and kill him.

♪ Fate may often treat me meanly ♪
♪ But I keenly pursue ♪
♪ A little mirage in the blue ♪

Did you scrape him off the cabaret floor?

Reynard is targeting Hedges.

Right. So the answer is to hire Michael Bublé to kidnap me and then use me as your bait.

If I'm wrong, raise your hand.

Look, you're right. It was wrong grabbing you the way that we did, but sooner or later, he was gonna find you.

We need someone...

Else, Julia.

Or we have a problem.

Do you want a problem with me?

Forget it.

Great.

I told you untying her was a mistake.

[door opens, closes]

Ow.

What?

It's starting to burn a little.

Take it off.

You know I can't. I need it.

The more it burns, the less time we have.

If it hurts, then...

Not everything that hurts is bad.

I hate that all of this is on you.

You'd tell me if there was something I could do.

Shift the weight off?

Yeah, I'd tell you.

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

Look, she's a bitch on three wheels, probably bat-shit crazy, but she's not wrong.

Did you find it?

I did. And?

Look, I know we made a pact.

I stick to my coast, you stick to yours.

But this might take all the top Hedge bitches to coven up and take this asshole out.

Your coast or mine?

I'm already on my way.

So, if I'm understanding this, things here grow magically.

Until recently, yes.

Everything always took care of itself.

We used to grow all the nuts in the southern region.

Until The Beast drained the magic.

Now what's required is actual farm work.

Which no one in Fillory knows how to do.

Ah, I think I'm getting one of those migraines where everything gets all bendy.

Please God, let me pass out.

No? All right.

Fen?

I have a secret.

It's fairly difficult for me to confess.

And it brings me nothing but waves of aching nausea, but...

I grew up... on a farm.

That's your secret?

I spent years blocking it all out.

The smell of wet hay.

And the feel of an udder.

The taste of fresh... goat milk.

And the worst humans in the known universe: my family.

It's coming back and if it all comes back, I'm pretty sure I'll know exactly what to do.

That's wonderful.

On a planet with no Zoloft.

Now you sound like my king.

Mm.

So then, if I just needed one little thing from you to... to ease my agony?

Anything.

Mm.

There's my girl.

[both chuckle]

Professor Bigby was brilliant, impatient, stubborn, and mercurial. And a 500-year-old pixie.

Who more or less saw humans as children to be toyed with.

If she's as good as her word, and one thing she certainly wasn't was a liar, then her book of Battle Magic will be found here.

In this room.

Why?

She told me. "The Battle Magic will be where the knowledge always is. The day you need it, I promise, it will be your last hope."

Uh, those were here exact words, "last hope."

Yes.

Well, that's the name of one of the more powerful texts on Battle Magic.

"Last Hope Options."

Yes, of course. Pixies love puzzles and riddles.

Especially those that make humans look stupid.

She gave me the title of the book that we're searching for, but I'm afraid that it will be very hard to find.

Let's get to it.

[upbeat music]

"Rhinemann."

♪ ♪

"The Rhinemann Exchange."

A spy novel by Robert Ludlum.

What's next?

"Last Hope Options" is an anagram for...

♪ ♪

"Pane Hotspot Silo"?

♪ ♪

[sighs]

All right, let's try assigning a different number structure to the letters.

For instance, A is 11, B is 22, C is 44, and so on.

Okay.

Ahem.

"Tat Loosens Hippo," "Opine Path Stools."

♪ ♪

Pixie puzzles.

[both groan]

♪ ♪

[grunts]

Penny, what's... what's happened to your hands?

What hasn't?

Tell me.

Why?

Maybe I can help.

Nada.

Ugh. Professor?

I can safely say that none of the number codes we came up with led to anything.

We found about 300 anagram phrases.

Anything promising?

Uh, well, uh, "Hospital Nose Top" mean anything?

What about, uh, "Latte Shop Poison"?

No? Not surprising.

Uh, oh, this one's good.

This is my favorite because it's absurd.

Uh, "Hotel Spa Potions."

Wait.

That's a book. In here.

[suspenseful music]

♪ ♪

Yeah.

"Last Hope Options."

Ah.

The chapter's been ripped out.

Wait, there's a note.

"Hello, Henry. If you're reading this, I was right and everyone else at Brakebills was wrong. How delightful. It also means I'll see you quick as one, two, nine. Where middle leads and last is fine, summer's here and ne'er retreats, a pretty island made of streets."

Another riddle. Awesome.

Oh. Well, if it's, like, where to find her?

"Island made of streets" is Rhode Island.

What? Duh.

Sorry. Could you spell your last name again?

I would, but... you're asleep.

[tense music]

♪ ♪

You said anything.

But this is... this is...

Am I not enough for you?

You're great.

For... who you are.

It's just... I already told you. My life was different before.

Yeah.

And I'll help you make a new life.

Well, this is new.

And right inside the lines of marriage.

We just do what we do in bed, and they do what they do.

I only picked people already doing each other.

And we get to watch.

[sighs]

You guys are all cool with this, right?

All: Mm-hmm.

See?

You're their king.

They will do as you wish, no matter how...

Fun.

Debased.

[chuckles] Debased?

Honey-love, I've been doing this sh1t since I was 12, except on a computer.

I don't know what that means, but... if it's what you desire...

[sighs]

All right. Good night, everyone. Thanks.

You all look really good naked.

Thank you, Sire.

Your Majesty.

Well, I guess life is about new experiences, and, uh, I've never been pussy-whipped, so...

You're doomed.

Which I might find amusing except it's likely to get me killed.

And for what?

Because no matter what, I'm going to hold on to my...

If you say "humanity" you'll learn I can vomit non-stop for two hours.

You know, I'm about to make an enemy of a god who I have no quarrel with.

And without decent bait, you're literally asking me to do it blindfolded, shackled, and hopping on one leg.

If... if I took just a smidgen of your Shade, not only would your trauma drop away, you'd have no issue with using Marina.

You'd be free of these useless feelings and this idiotic moral quagmire.