Thursday, July 10, 2014

Pissed Off

I never intend for summer to leave me pissed off, but it never fails to do so. Because I have four indulged first world kids who must be coaxed into chores. Which makes me reconsider my whole stance on child labor laws. I'm pro-third world child labor laws and anti-first world ones. But that's not what's pissing me off the most this summer. That would be the smell of dog piss in my carpet.

I know there is an easy solution. My family has pleaded with me to kennel them. Except, Bonnie and Clyde are rescue dogs. We don't know their story, except they were found wandering the streets of Pueblo together. And it was apparent Bonnie had more than one litter of puppies from the flap of skin that hangs from her belly that has never receded. When I took Bonnie to the vet, he said her teeth are damaged from biting on metal, probably a kennel. (At which point I assured him I was not the abusive puppy mill dog mom who did this to her.) This is why I can't kennel them. And every once in a while they have an accident on the floor. But look at them...

Bonnie's Glamour Shot

Clyde's GQ Cover

...how could I possibly be mad at them? I mean I can be pissed at my kids, but they speak English and have opposable thumbs and I don't baby talk them. Never have. But the dogs with their naivety, and the corresponding dog guilt? That's a whole different story.

So, I tell myself, I'll just clean it up one more time. Every time. And now my house smells like a zoo. Specifically, the monkey house. Where they piss and throw feces at one another. It's disgusting. I have bought every product and made my own concoctions to get rid of the smell. To no avail. And now that it's summer, the house is hot and we don't have air conditioning, the noxious odors have baked themselves into a crescendo of stank.

And I can't even begin to tell you how pissed off I am right now!

Yesterday, I was ready to scrape up the money for a laminate floor, until I put feelers out on facebook. That's when my friend Hillary (you know that friend who does everything perfect and makes you feel subpar and you want to barf in your mouth, that's Hillary) painted her subfloor. So, guess what we're gonna do? We're going to paint our subfloor and it'll probably look subpar and then we'll get a professional to fix it and it'll cost us a fortune. And all because our priceless dogs pissed us off.

Oh, the delight of dog ownership. Can empathize with your crescendo of stank -what a wonderful way to describe it - with which these doggie darlings reward those of us who take them in. Having once been the not so proud caregiver of three chow chows, a rottweiler, and a collie - courtesy of my son - I admire and applaud your forbearance this passed - off summer. In the end, Bonnie and Clyde are like small children: a labor of love.

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About me

I'm Marie, author of the book, Rock the Kasbah: A Memoir of Misadventure. Not to be confused with the movie or Zooey Deschanel. I'm a forty-something writer, dancer, world traveler, wife and mother of four who moved back to Colorado from living abroad in Morocco a few years ago. Oh and did I mention I have some serious social anxiety? And that I screw things up a lot? Like a whole lot.