A connection is that energy that exist between two people where they feel seen, heard and valued. – Brene Brown What is wrong with the way many extroverts connect: It is often assumed that extroverts find it easy to build a strong network because they enjoy connecting with people. Unfortunately, extroverts connect with so many people that they may know a lot of people, but these connections are at a very superficial level. Extroverts often have limited attention span and lose focus and interest every easily. Because of this, they can be bad listeners. Extroverts also tend to have high energy and as a result, find it easy to meet a lot of people. Sometimes they assume that it is the same for others. But others people may find this exhausting to keep up with and find extroverts a big drain on energy. Why extrovert leaders need deeper connections Extroverts find it energizing to be surrounded by people and enjoy in the company of others. But to move ahead and build a strong network what matters is not how many people you know but know well enough to leverage. It is deep and lasting relationships that are beneficial in the……

If you are a perfectionist, you are likely to spend a lot of time building your expertise at work. You probably like to know all the details of doing your job better than anyone else. While this may be an excellent trait for work that requires attention to detail, it could become a hindrance to your chances of becoming a leader. Infact, a lot of people delay aspiring to a leadership role because they feel they have not become experts in their current job and are busy perfecting their skills. Why technical expertise has limited importance in leadership? Expertise, in a specific technology, will help only if you plan to stay as a technical expert in that field. But if your aspirations include becoming a leader, technical expertise can only get you so far. You need to focus on developing the skills for leadership which are vastly different from technical skills. For a moment imagine being in a leadership position. Think about what your day would look like. It is highly unlikely that you will be called upon to solve technical issues at all. Instead, you will have technical experts reporting to you that you can call upon to solve the technical issues. You……

Successful leadership is often about getting stuff done. Which means convincing, requesting, delegating, directing and mentoring people to take on work that you need to get done. As the saying goes, good leaders make people want to work for them. And one of the traits of such leaders is the finesse with which they handle a “No”. Some leaders start taking it for granted that, when they ask someone to do something, the other person will obey. Infact, research suggests that of all the people who struggle to say no, 78% claim they find it most difficult to refuse their boss’s request, even if the request makes excessive demands on their time, energy or work-life balance. There is enough literature available on the internet and books on how to learn to say no. But rarely do organisations work on teaching their leaders to handle a no. Why is it so difficult for most people to hear someone say “no”? When people hear a no it may trigger certain beliefs and feelings which are often based on past experiences rather than the present situation. We all have an intrinsic need to be accepted. Hearing a “no” can mean that we are not and this can……

Well, maybe the title goes a bit overboard but Boyzone came pretty close to explaining how important words are in conveying feelings when they sang ” Its only words and words are all I have…”. While you can use words to portray your inner feelings there is also an interdependence between feelings and words. Which means that you can also use your words to influence your feelings. To understand this better think of a potentially difficult or uncomfortable situation you have at hand. Now as you visualise the situation, say to yourself “I have a problem” Not again visualise the same situation and say to yourself “I have a challenge” Now repeat the visualisation with “I have a situation” I would predict that your experience and feeling changes with your word choices. If you manage a team or a business the words you use (or you see your team using) will tell you how committed you are to your goals. Our word choices stem from our subconscious and are a mirror of how we are experiences a situation internally. When you work with goals words can influence your commitment to your outcome. To start with watch out for these words especially when……

If I ask you, “What does success mean to you?”, what would you say? Most people answer this question by telling me about the goals that they hope to achieve in life. But what I really want to understand from them is how they relate to success. Everybody wants to be successful. At least, everyone I have ever met says that they want to be successful. But at the same time, we all know that not everyone finds success in life. Often it is not the lack of effort, skill or motivation that holds people back but the relationship they have with their idea of success. Take a moment right now to ask yourself how you feel when you think of success? What images come to mind when you think of success? Maybe you see yourself in a fancy office or driving an expensive car? Or something else? Do those images inspire you? What emotions get generated in you? Do you feel apprehensive and doubtful? Or excited and powerful? Or bored and uninspired? Does your idea of success make you feel motivated and energised? Do you see yourself welcoming your success with open arms or do you feel uncomfortable with it?……

Sometimes we chose a path in life where there is a risk involved. But we still go ahead because all logic and intuition point in that direction. You are anticipating challenges but it seems worth the effort. This could be a taking up a new job, starting a new business, investing in a venture or even getting into a relationship. But after a while, you start questioning your decision. You start wondering if you are really climbing the right mountain or if you made a mistake. Either the results are not what you had hoped for or the returns are not what you expected. A decision that felt good at some point starts feeling doubtful in the present. As an entrepreneur, no one knows this better than me. Doubts are part of the journey. There is often no right path. Course correction is required at many a step. There are times that you start wondering if you still need to be doing this and it feels so much easier to just walk away. But when you think of walking away that comes with its own share of doubts. Will you be making a mistake by quitting? Will you feel like……

There was a time when I used to believe that human beings act with their own self-interest in mind. After all, every person should want to take care of their own well-being unless you are one of the few driven by an altruistic need. Surprisingly, I have come to realise that this is not always true. We do not always work in our own real or perceived self-interest. Here I am not talking about not knowing what is right for you. Rather the focus is on when we know what to do and still don’t do it. Human beings are perhaps the only species that can act against their self-interest in spite of having all understanding and knowledge of what they should be doing. One of my clients needs to speak to his manager about his promotion but keeps putting it off every day in spite of ample opportunities to have the conversation. He also knows that if he does not speak up he may lose out on an upcoming opportunity. A clear case of not acting in his interest. We all know of people continuing to stick to a job that they hate and not doing anything about it. Some……

The most common developmental goal for executives today is that they need to be more strategic. If you are part of the middle management and aspiring to be a senior leadership, there is a strong chance that at some point you have already received this feedback- that you need to be more strategic. Some managers get this feedback either in a 360˚ assessment or performance appraisal. Others realise this as a shortfall once they step into a leadership role. As one of my clients put it, “I’m great at fixing things and solving problems; but now I seem to be required to create a strategy and vision for the business; I’m not sure I know what I’m doing.” What does it mean to be strategic? In a nutshell, becoming more strategic means moving from an execution mindset to that of thinking and creating. Managers are often great at executing tasks derived from someone else’s strategy but not effective in developing their own strategy for their business. In individual roles “Getting things done” is what counts. In leadership roles developing the vision of what needs to be done counts. This is a critical metamorphosis in thinking that needs to happen when an……

A lot of clients come to me to figure out their true purpose in life. Many of these individuals are bored and frustrated with the work they are currently doing. And they want to know if there is more to life than the monotony of the daily grind. There is also a category of people who meet me almost in a panic because they don’t have a grand purpose in life. Everyone around them seems to have it all figured out but they are still unclear on their intent. The premise seems to be ” I don’t know what I want in life but since everyone else seems to know what they want something must be drastically wrong with me. Hence I need a coach to “fix” me.” I believe that clarity of purpose is important but I sometimes find that the question people want an answer to is not “What is my purpose in life?” but “What is my purpose that will lead me to glory, fame, fortune and stardom?” What is purpose? The dictionary defines Purpose as “the reason for which something is done or created or for which something exists” This implies two things. Firstly, purpose gives……

In a recent leadership event that I attended, there was a segment on Executive Presence. The speaker addressed the importance and impact of a strong executive presence. He also shared ways to develop an effective presence. Executive presence is one of the most invested in leadership development area today. After all, as Ken Blanchard says, “The key to successful leadership today is influence, not authority.” While there is much written about leadership presence, it is interesting to see that not much is said about how strong leaders react to another person’s power presence. Although having an effective executive presence is important, the true mark of leadership is to be able to sustain that presence in the company of a perceived stronger presence. It all about purpose One of my clients Prakash once told me about how being in the presence of his MD made him nervous and he would start stuttering while communicating with him. Prakash was otherwise a very confident and mature individual who was known in his organization for his excellent business results. Being in the presence of someone who exudes power and charisma can often be intimidating and can leave people feeling unsure of themselves. We have……