I'm late to this party, but I think there's a lot of value in the responses you have here...

To me "MTV" style cuts mean you have to show a drummer that is doing something that has nothing to do with what the drummer is doing in the song at that point...as a drummer myself, I have hair on the back of my neck that is permanently standing up from repeated exposure to this phenomenon.

:-)

(...and I'm obviously referring to music videos themselves, not the programs or news and interstitials that are done by MTV themselves.)

Anyway...back on point. The graphics are fine, but I think when you are presented with situations where you have to use stills, some movement is necessary. If you don't have multiple stills to sequence, you may need to be zooming or panning the still you show to keep things "in motion."

On-camera... This guy you have on-camera does a fine job, but there is only so much one can do to gesture and stay "active" looking for any given period of time. After he uses his arms for about the fourth or fifth time, it becomes distracting. Cutting away to full screen cover more often, even if it has to be a still in motion would give him a break from being on-camera and would also speed the pacing up.

Personal note: I'm not military guy myself, but I've always appreciated the sort of "can-do"..."drive-on"...action-oriented sort of messaging that the military has had over the years ("We do more before 9am than most people do all day.") I can't help but wonder if there wouldn't be a way to get your on camera guy outside with some gear or equipment around him instead of the studio greenscreen shoot. You could get the camera handheld and use movement to also help the feel become more "active." You may have to subdivide the script into bitesize pieces and have your guy walk into and out of frame for each small segment, but it would definitely pick up the momentum... For the stuff that you know will be the over-the-shoulder graphic layout, you could still shoot him on a tripod and position him, but move him whenever possible...

Also, I agree on the sound cues...shorter music selects, maybe tied to segments or stories would also help the feeling of progression. Audio transitions to go with your visual transitions would also hlep break it up a bit.

You have an assignment to communicate information, which you're doing...all the style tweaks are bonus points depending on the time and resources you're given. That's how we all have to work.

It's great that you're looking for ways to progress but it seems you're accomplishing your goals so you're already ahead of about half of the video production I encounter...