Finding my voice as a wife, mother, teacher, and a follower of Jesus

Tag Archives: cancer

Hi there! Me again. It’s been 3 months since my last blog. I am ashamed of that but I’m back and starting again. I think I have had lots of thoughts and ideas for posts in the last three months, but I haven’t allowed myself to sit long enough and make them happen. But then today, something that I said to Brian after lunch kind of collided with a few things that Pastor David spoke about in his sermon this morning and I knew I needed to explore them here.

Brian’s dad, Dennie Suman, is battling cancer. He has been for a few years, but about a year ago it was “under control” and he was on monthly “maintenance” treatments. Recently it has begun growing again, and now the doctors are finding new tumors. He is rapidly losing weight and honestly, things do not look good. It’s sad to watch. Brian was moved to go spend some time with his daddy and really ask him where he stood with the Lord. He was able to pray with Dennie, and invited him to church today. I’ll admit I was a little surprised when I turned the corner this morning and found he and Pat (his longtime “girlfriend”) in the lobby. I had feared that he would just be too tired to get up and out the door for church – but he made it! I did my best not to let the shock of his sunken face and dramatic weight loss show on my face. I was thrilled they were there to worship with us.

Pastor David continued his series entitled “Who We Are” and spoke of how the world views us as Christians. Are we a people who would walk to the other side of the road and right past someone in need? Or do we stop and help people out of their ditches and love on them and let them see Jesus in us. (Okay…there was much more to his sermon – this is what really resonated with me). Are we, as Christians, telling people what they need or are we showing people Jesus in our actions and in our lives?

So – here is where these two parts of my world came together today. After having lunch and a tearful, tough goodbye to Dennie and Pat, Brian and I quietly came home – both kind of fighting tears (he may not admit that). I told him that I just feel helpless and that we need to do something for his dad and Pat. Maybe I could cook some dinners, maybe we could go do yard work or clean their house. Whatever!?!? I just felt like we needed to DO something. But why? Of course any or all of those things would be nice things to do – and I’m sure they would be appreciated and helpful to them. But those things were really about me. Why did I feel the need to just do and do and do? I guess because I don’t know what else there is…If I could run out and find a cure for this horrible disease, I would certainly do that. But I don’t know what else to do! And then I was reminded of this morning’s sermon…maybe I don’t need to necessarily DO….maybe I need to show. Perhaps what Dennie and Pat need the most right now is to be shown the love of Jesus. Maybe they need to see Him in the midst of our prayers and tears. Should we be showing them our belief that if it’s God’s will that he will heal Dennie. Can we show them God’s love for them through us in a prayer-filled visit?

As these words flow through me to this screen, I’m thinking – well isn’t helping them with daily chores a way of showing them Jesus? Can’t we be the hands and feet of Jesus through small acts of service? Yes – those are ways of showing love – but what if what they need is more than simple chores done around their house! To me that is showing – and doing out of love. But I think that sometimes there is more. Can we show them our faith through this storm by not wavering and by leaning in to God through these scary times? We can show them our worship and praise to a God whom we KNOW is bigger than any of this on earth. I believe that if we really need to DO something for them at this point, it should be by SHOWing them that we believe in our heavenly father and will follow him and trust in him to make all things good, so that he may be glorified.

My word for 2014 is perspective. I can honestly say that I have thought of that word very often during the first few weeks of the year. Especially today. In my last post I talked about the weight-loss journey upon which I’ve embarked this year. It’s going well. I’ve gotten into a good routine with my eating, been drinking lots of water, and have been trying to get some exercise in. Since our temps have been ridiculous, I have had to resort to finding some indoor activity. Brian and recently acquired a treadmill that had been just taking up space in my parent’s garage and I have spent some time on it. Today I was feeling very motivated and decided to spend an hour walking and listening to Matt Chandler’s latest podcast. I changed into my sweats, got my headphones adjusted perfectly, turned the treadmill up to a decent pace and got moving. For approximately 17 seconds. And then the treadmill quit. Stopped. I was NOT a happy girl. As a matter of fact I was livid. I kept thinking…this is awful. I can’t believe this happened. My afternoon is ruined. In the midst of my temper tantrum I decided to go ahead and hit the grocery since white death is apparently on its way again. Still fuming mad, I mad my way up and down the crowded aisles of the store, ready to run over anyone who got in my way. And then it hit me…like a punch to the face it hit me. All morning I had been praying for the Blair family, whose young son was just this week diagnosed with cancer. The pictures of him at the hospital and the updates about his prognosis were in my heart all day and I was tearfully praying for comfort and strength for this special family. So here I am upset – livid – about the fact that the treadmill died and I didn’t get my workout in…and right here in my community, a family had just been dealt some devastating news about their toddler. My perspective was so far off course. I was so caught up in ME and my selfishness…and people I know have just had their world turned upside down. Life is really about perspective. This reminder humbled me and made me feel downright silly. But it also made me very aware of the way that God is so busy at work on me. He reminds me daily that I am his beloved by nudging me (and by nudging me I mean slapping me silly) with words, thoughts, and reminders. I am so thankful for my word – perspective – and for God keeping me in check.