Does Watching Porn Mean Your Partner is Cheating?

It’s time to stop saying that porn is detrimental to our sex lives and that watching it is going to ruin your relationship. This myth is tired. It’s old. It’s just time to stop.

We’re hyper-focused on demonizing anything sexual in this society. Face it: adult entertainment is fun to watch. It's created to be exciting and stimulating—let’s stop with all the shaming already.

Cheating on the other hand, is betrayal, it's deception, and it's physical sexual contact with another person(s). Cheating is not watching a movie and getting yourself off.

Honestly, there are so many other, grander relationship concerns you’ll deal with during the course of your marriage. Don’t put porn on the list.

Your partner watches porn because porn is sexy. Maybe you should consider watching some, too. What a thought!

Porn is entertainment

We have to stop thinking of porn as this trashy, evil thing we must demonize and destroy. Porn is entertainment. It is a movie. It’s designed to be fun to watch.

Much like any other movie, porn is a hyper-dramatized version of real life. Think of a movie you love; how about Love Actually, for instance. It is a dramatized cinematic depiction of people falling in love. Some storylines are believable and others are less so. But, they are all pretend.

Porn is the exact same thing. Porn is not a representation of real sex. In most cases, it is not like real sex at all. Just as you do not replace real romantic relationships with romantic comedies, so do you not replace porn movies with real sex.

You’re not betraying your partner (nor your partner you) by watching porn. Porn is fun, so let it be fun. We don’t need to blow up it into this ridiculous fight between spouses.

Masturbation is healthy

“If you masturbate you must not enjoy our sex life.” This is a truly absurd myth. There just isn’t a nicer way to put it.

We should all be masturbating. Masturbation is healthy. It is nonsensical to pretend otherwise. Countless studies have proven that masturbation is good for you, whether or not you’re in a committed relationship. It plays a vital role in healthy sexual development. Porn is an add-on to masturbation. It helps to fuel our fantasies.

If your partner touches themselves when they aren’t with you, don’t freak out. Don’t berate them. It doesn’t mean they don’t want to have sex with you. Sex and masturbation are two very different sexual experiences. We shouldn’t even be putting them into the same bracket.

If you’re threatened by porn, there is something deeper going on

You do not have the right to tell your partner they can or cannot watch porn. You simply do not. That is not how an egalitarian partnership works.

If you feel like watching porn is cheating and are threatened by actresses in a video, there is something bigger going on in your relationship. You are demonstrating a level of insecurity that is very telling about how much you trust your partner.

If you believe watching a movie where people have sex is cheating, you might want to consider going to couples therapy. We’re not saying you’re on the verge of a breakup, we’re saying there are unhealthy elements in this relationship that need to be addressed.

You should trust your partner 100 percent. You should know the difference between a masturbatory fantasy and cheating. If you are thrown into a jealous rage over porn, that is not a good sign. Seek assistance. Jealousy is a natural human emotion, but uncontrolled jealousy of this nature is concerning. Being controlling over your partner’s habits to this degree is not normal.

You can watch porn with your partner

Did you know porn is not an entirely solo activity? You can watch porn with your partner. If you’re so concerned over their desire to watch porn, join in. If you think porn is gross, well, you probably haven’t been watching the right porn. Yes, the stuff you find on RedTube and PornHub are kind of gnarly. It mostly consists of girls getting double-teamed and questionable consent is rife in the scripts.

Take time to masturbate together. Mutual masturbation is super hot and is a great way to connect when you’re both tired and want an alternative, less intense form of sexual activity. Watching your partner get themselves off is very sexy if you let it be.

Pay attention to porn habits

All of this being said (and hopefully solidified inside of your mind): You should pay attention to porn habits and your partner should do the same. If watching porn is having adverse effects on your IRL sex life, you should come up with a game plan together.

Watching porn can become compulsive when it isn’t done responsibility. Porn is highly stimulating and theatrical. It is very different to the sex we have with our partners. If you find yourself (or your partner finds themselves) watching porn and masturbating instead of having real sex, adjust your porn habits.

Porn is a great form of entertainment. But it should never go beyond being an addition to the overall sexual landscape. Have fun, be aware, and enjoy with a bit of caution.