Randy the Love Doctor. What ails you, brother? My wife wants us to renew our vows and have a big ceremony. But I'd rather save that money for retirement. Should I tell her to go take a hike? Of course. That way, there's a good chance you won't have to worry about retirement at all. Exactly ... Wait, what do you mean by that?

@sexygirl4u and I had a falling out last night. I hit "like" on a revealing photo she'd posted. But then I worried that was too forward of me. So I hit "like" on all 89 of her less suggestive photos so she's wouldn't think I was a pervert. Then she blocked me. I just don't understand women, I guess. I'm starting to.

I met a girl last night. It went well. Do tell. We saw each other through a crowd. I winked at her. She winked back. If all goes well, we may get to second base tonight. Second base? We may exchange smiley emoticons instead of just hitting "wink." Are you sure you're ready for that?

Today's man lesson is "The Art of Promising." I'm ready. Part one: Never … promise … anything. Wait … What do you mean? Pretend you're the lady, ask me to promise you something. Ok … (ahem) … Promise me you won't ever even look at another woman? A man would have to be crazy to look at another woman when he could be looking at the most beautiful woman in the world. And I'm not crazy. Notice, if you will, not only is there a complete absence of a promise ... there are also at least four iron-clad loopholes built in. Can you identify them? This is worse than math to me.

Armstrong, do you remember the first girl you ever kissed? Of course I do, minion. Here, let me call it up … Ah, yes. Little Alice Chang, of 847 Wickerwood Lane. I have her preosculation agreement right here, dated 1-3-1979. Her what? It's like a prenup. It specifies that a kiss does not constitute an official "relationship." My lawyer went to town on her when she later demanded half my Twinkies. Very bad man.

Mort, I'm writing a case study about two diametrically opposed archetypes of your generation. Archetype number one: A bold, debonaire male … the type that suffered no fools, lived life to the fullest, and pursued romance with tough, smart "dames" who kept him on his toes. And then there's archetype number two: Weak, insecure, afraid of life, and dominated by overbearing romantic partners who brought him to his knees. Ok. I'll participate. Who'd you find for archetype #2? You might want to ask Sadie if she'll let you participate, first.

This is the Ask Sadie Show. You're on, caller. What's your problem? Movie critics. For the last time, my review of Star Trek was totally unbiased and professional. You said "Nerd Trek 3 is a steaming pile of mediocrity, which should appeal to the younger generations. This reminds me of the time I dated Bill Shatner." See? Completely objective. You said "Chris Pine isn't half the back-rubber Shatner is." Objectively speaking.

I'm going to be rich, famous, and irresistible to the opposite sex any day now, Randy. I think you've had one too many hot cocoas, little buddy. No, really. I've written a note for my descendants and buried it in a time capsule in my backyard. Once they read it, they'll time-travel back to the 20th century and genetically engineer my embryonic self. HOJ. They'll bestow me with superhuman charisma, epic good looks, and money-management skills. You're forgetting that to have descendants, you have to be able to get a date.

You're on "Ask Sadie." What's your problem?! I met a lady a while back. We're both stuck in marriages we don't want to be in. We'd rather be together but we don't have the courage to end things. What do you mean "courage"? Ending things isn't "courageous," it's cowardly. Courage means not running from misery, but embracing it, becoming its master, and delivering it upon all those around you with vengeance.

Sadie, how can I convince my husband that a vacation is worth paying for? Excellent question. In my day, vacations were an essential component of a successful marriage. I would get two weeks a year to don a bikini, sit on a tropical beach amidst coconuts and oiled-up cabana boys, and recharge my yelling voice. And he would stay home working and have two weeks to live in dread of my imminent return. It was a win-win situation, really. What were we talking about again? Um ... nothing. Thanks.

I watched the transit of Mercury online. Mercury is amazingly underrated as far as planets go. The sun is a big, bad ball of super-hot gas that can incinerate anything. It's been breathing right down Mercury's neck for billions of years. But that tiny planet just keeps brushing it off and running circles around it. That miniscule world laughs in the face of a star. It reminded me of you and me, Mrs. Gasbag. When the sun gets fed up with it all, Mercury will be the first planet it swallows.

You're gonna love this, little buddy. What? The company that makes the "Call of Duty" game licensed my life story. The game will be just like a first-person shooter … only instead of search-and-kill ops … your missions consist of charming your way through life and avoiding serious romantic entanglements.

Don't you hate it when you meet a woman, there's chemistry, things are going great … and then just a few wrong words wreck it all? I met this amazing woman. It was love at first sight … That's when she asked me if there was any place nearby where we could grab a drink. Wait ... you're saying SHE ruined it? I just can't be with someone who's not smart enough to Google things for herself.

I keep reading all these stories about virtual reality nookie. It just sounds horrible. It takes all the best parts of it: Seeing someone for the first time … blushing at the thought of holding her hand … Working up the courage to approach her … seeing her pretend to answer her phone and talk so you won't say hello ... Maybe the technology would be good for some people ... taking five years to work up the courage to approach someone new ...

Randy the Love Doctor. What ails you, brother? I'm in love with another man's wife and he found out. We're all supposed to go to the same party next week. But now that he knows … should I still go? Of course. Never run away. But what if he confronts me in front of everyone? I'd be so embarrassed. Just keep repeating Randy's seven golden man-words: "I don't know what you're talking about."

It's the "Ask Sadie" advice hour. "Holden" in Dallas, you're on. What's your problem?! I've been trying to get my wife to watch "The Expanse" on Syfy channel, but she refuses to even give it a chance. She won't watch any of my favorite shows with me. What can I do? YOU CAN GET A LIFE. Or you can continue to bug her about your tv shows, she can leave you for a romantic, oiled-up helicopter pilot, and you can watch your shows with your pet goldfish. I don't have a goldfish.

Long time no see, Darlene. That was by design. I've booked you under "mad, passionate midlife crisis fling with a guy my family and friends would disapprove of." That's scheduled for March 2017 - February 2018. But if you say anything dumb between now and then that renders you unattractive, I'll have to replace you. It'd be tough to vet a sub at this late a date. I don't know the meaning of the word "dumb." ... Tough, but not impossible.

Is this Randy the Love Doctor? Speaking. What ails you, brother? I'm involved with a lady who's everything I could ever hope for. Yet I keep thinking about other women. You're a hunter, that's all this is. You're sabotaging your own happiness because if you're happy, that means hunting season will be over forever. Just remember, hunters who don't know when to quit get eaten.

I really miss being in a committed relationship, Randy. Which part do you miss most? Having someone disagree with you over what you're going to eat, or over what tv shows you're going to watch? Or do you miss having to account for how you spend your time? Or having to explain why you bought yourself something awesome without first getting permission? Mostly I miss the back rubs. They don't ask you to wash the dishes first at massage parlors.

Cup of tea. You always order that. Why not try something else? Because unlike you and your entire generation, I don’t have a fear of commitment. Tea has treated my body well and tasted lovely to me for years, so I'm loyal to it. Unlike you, I don’t have philandering tastebuds!!! It's just a little coffee or juice. It means nothing. (This cartoon was originally published on 2014-02-11).