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Should kids spend one on one time w/ grandparents or is it selfish?

My DD is 4 & was the first grandchild and she use to stay about every Fri. night w/ my in-laws. My DH's sister had a baby girl that is now 2. My DD rarely spends the night anymore. The in-laws are keeping both girls tonight because we both have plans. When I told my DD that her cousin would be there she said" why does a baby always have to be at maw-maws". I wonder if she misses the one on one time. Because it is rare that my DD sees them without the cousin being around. My in-laws own their own business and my niece stays there several days a week with the sister-in-law. So they see my niece all the time. Selfish or not?

I'd say its only a problem if you found out that your dd is more often ignored there instead of loved as much as her cousin. Usually, but not often, daughters as grown women are closer to their own mothers than to their mothers in law. To balance out that, is there an older female relative on your own side of the family that your dd could develop a good relationship with?

Tell your dd that she has the best of both worlds right now, she gets no siblings in your home and she gets a little sister at maw-maw's.

I think one on one is great. But if the in laws are already watching the other child during the week, they may just be burned out! Let them know your little one wants some one on one time and I'm sure they will work with you.

Answer by
Anonymous
at 12:42 PM on Nov. 20, 2009

I think one on one time is good, both with parents and grandparents. Especially with a new baby around the older child can sometimes miss all of the extra attention they used to have. I think a mix is good. My godparents always made it a point to have one on one time with their grandkids. Sometimes having more than one child can be too much for older people, anyway, especially as siblings/cousins have the tendency to fight and compete with eachother as they get older. Not selfish at all.

If she is being ignored, that is a problem. When a new baby is born some grandparents spend a lot less time with an older child and tend to favor the baby. We're dealing with that exact thing right now. I would try to find out if your DD is being ignored and if she is, then you can talk with the grandparents. If they don't have the energy then maybe they need to be babysitting less.

Answer by
Anonymous
at 1:43 PM on Nov. 20, 2009

If she's ignored or being blown off in favor of the other child then yes...there is an issue there.
If it is just that the other child and her mom are there a lot or live there,etc then no issue per se.

My mother spends most of her time with my sisters family and blows mine off except rare occasions. In her case, its favoritism plain and simple. She will drive 6 hrs to see my sisters kids but wont drive the 1 1/2-2 hrs to see mine. If this is what is going on with your daughter and the niece then ya thats selfish.