Calling off the wedding

We're taught that marriage lasts forever. For some people, wedding planning is not the happiest of times. In fact, planning a wedding can put enough strain on a relationship to draw out some major issues that should be addressed before a couple commits to each other. And sometimes, on the very rare occasion, a couple may find at the end of the process that marriage isn't for them. This article is not meant to exaggerate anyone's cold feet. Calling off a wedding should not be a rash decision. Unfortunately for some, though, it's a reality. And those people need some guidance.

Before we answer some frequently asked questions, there's one major issue that we need to discuss. Whether you are calling off the wedding entirely, or postponing it for financial reasons, whether the decision was messy or amicable, the details are no one's business but your own. You do not have to justify to your guests why the wedding won't be taking place. If you are comfortable sharing some details, feel free, but know that you aren't required to do so. And it's incredibly important that you not bash your partner or bad-mouth anyone in the process. At the end of the day, it's only you who will look tacky.

How do I tell my guests after Save the Dates have gone out? If you've sent your Save the Dates, but haven't sent your invitations, then you're in luck. Simply send a postcard to all of your guests announcing that the wedding has been cancelled and/or postponed. Like I said earlier, whether or not you give a reason for the cancellation is completely up to you. You don't owe your guests an explanation.

How do I tell my guests after invitations have gone out? Informing guests after you sent out invitations will be a little more complicated. If you've got at least two or three weeks before the cancelled event, you can go ahead and send out postcards like you would if you hadn't sent invitations yet. However, if your wedding date is too close to guarantee notification of the cancellation in time, you'll need to make phone calls. This is where your super-awesome-rad bridal party and family come in handy. Divide up the guest list and ask your closest friends and family members to help make the difficult calls.

What about my vendors? If you're worried about upsetting your vendors, don't. Vendors are human and in the "business" of weddings. They've seen it all and your cancellation won't phase them. In fact, most of your vendors will be incredibly understanding and supportive because if there's one thing people in the industry understand, it's how deeply heart wrenching it is to call off a wedding. Now, if you're mostly concerned about the money, I have to be honest, there's a good chance you'll lose at least your deposit. You'll need to go over your contract and read the terms and conditions regarding payment. Now, some vendors may let you off the proverbial hook if you are far enough out from your wedding date. As much as our human instinct tells us vendors should cut some slack in delicate situations like this, it's important to remember that most vendors can only book one event a day. That means the vendor will lose up to thousands of dollars if she can't rebook your date.

Who gets the ring? This is one of those situations that will be different for every couple and will depend completely on the dynamic and circumstances under which the ring was given. There are, however, some standard scenarios. If the ring is an heirloom, then it should be returned to the family the heirloom belongs to. Generally, if the break-up is amicable, the possessor of the ring will attempt to return it to whoever purchased the ring. The purchaser will then decide what to do with it.

How do we handle any gifts we've gotten? Tradition and etiquette dictate that all gifts (from engagement to shower to wedding) should be returned. It's important to write a thank you note when you return the gift, even if you've already sent out notes when the gift was received. It's important to remember that this includes any and all monetary gifts. Sometimes your guests may insist that you keep the gift. If they do, you should graciously accept. Afterward you can decide how to divide up any gifts or money.

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