Nick Saban Crushes Child’s Soul After Imperfect Handshake

We got a little glimpse into the life of Alabama head football coach Nick Saban on Sunday night, and, as a surprise to no one, it was terrifying. Saban, who is not shy about his feelings toward people or things that he finds mediocre, held nothing back in a piece that included the dismantling of a small child’s confidence.

Saban never lets up. No matter the stage. On a sweltering June day when he could have taken the afternoon off, Saban was instructing young campers as if he was preparing to play LSU. Even the simple act of handing out camp certificates turned into a life lesson.

Here is .gif of the encounter. This poor child got Saban-ed at summer camp.

This is what it looks like when your hero crushes your soul:

To relive the moment in full, I’d recommend watching it in the regular piece, which can be found on CBS News. It occurs at the 5:50 mark, but there is no reason to skip forward. Instead, watch the entire piece and learn how the meticulous perfectionist became the ultimate antihero. Also, take note of his surprisingly normal wife, the only person in the world who could put Saban in his place.

If you think Saban needs to get a life, well, you’re not alone. But in a profession that is a minefield for couples, he’s been married to his grade-school sweetheart Terry for 42 years.

Saban was also recently profiled in GQ Magazine. The piece was adequately titled “Sympathy For the Devil.” In it, we learned that Saban really likes rock music and doesn’t like you if you don’t like rock music, but don’t be offended because he probably wasn’t going to like you anyway. Not even if you were thanking him for something he did for your child.

Just before he reaches his Mercedes, Saban is approached by an Alabama fan who wants to thank the coach for signing a football for his son. It meant so much to the boy, the man says. Saban gives the man a confused look, as if not comprehending how this large animate object had suddenly appeared in his path, and gets in the car without saying a word.

He also doesn’t like it when students leave early and doesn’t understand tailgating, but we forgive him for everything because he wins. Winning cures all and Saban has proven that with his lack of respect for any social or societal norms during successful stints with different college programs. He’s going to do wonders at Texas next year.

^ As big of an Alabama fan as I am, I’ll agree with that wholeheartedly. But he has said 1) he’s too far along to start anywhere else (what someone up there pointed out), and 2) he likes college ball more than pro ball.

He knows that at Alabama, the fans who only care about wins allows him to do whatever he wants, which is recruit/coach (the process) and players’ growth (players). So it’s win/win for fans/Saban = Saban gets to shape his process however he wants, and we’ll let him because we want to keep winning national championships. That’s why I know he won’t leave.

Nick Saban is a Yankee who doesn’t give a rat’s ass about the University of Alabama, and I’m pretty sure most Bama fans know it, though they hate to admit it to themselves. He’s loyal to only two things, the players and The Process. Fortunately for his career, you can find or implement those two things almost anywhere. I’m not saying he will leave Alabama, but I’m not saying he won’t either. Who knows, maybe he is too old, but anyone who thinks he’s got some special place in his heart for the color crimson is deluding themselves.

“I guess I have to say it. I’m not going to be the Alabama coach.”
-Nick Saban, Head Coach, Miami Dolphins

He is a controlled sociopath in the purest and highest form. He is a recruiter and winner, nothing more and nothing less. He could go and butter up a recruit and his family into playing for Bama and then see an old lady get run over and feel complete apathy. To characterize him from a summary of his own words, “Winners like winners and winners hate losers. Only losers like other losers.”