I often wonder about the grand scheme of things... where do I fit in? Am I headed in the right direction? Why am I so unlucky in love? Why do I have to work so hard to get things that others get easily? What is the purpose of me being here?......you now get a peek into the life of a fellow who feels held back by invisible chains....curious?

Friday, December 30, 2005

Happy New Year!.... the breakup.....

A letter to someone I love.... someone who doesn't know I exist.... someone who doesn't care to....

Dear ...

Standing at the threshold of the new year, I hope you take the time to consider one last monologue......

I always felt that I would never amount to much in your life (coz' we're world's apart.... your're a super cool girl with a funky demeanor, with loads of friends and many more pining to know you....you're so instantly likable! I'm just another face in the crowd....the shy one...the introvert who pretends to be an extrovert....the dreamy eyed hopeless romantic...the emotional fool....the one who wants to escape from all the hustle and bustle to an island with the special one destined for him...) But I let my emotions (yet again!) to wreak havoc on my otherwise plain life. And I found myself unable to maintain the emotional distance that's so essential in this crazy world....Without my knowledge or consent, you have cornered a special & everlasting place in my heart.

Unforunately, you don't seem to understand me at all. All that has motivated me so far was the thought of seeing your face light up with happiness. I've always tried to bring a smile to your face.... to brighten up your day.... by doing all I can to please you, in the little time we spend together..... But, yet again, you have misinterpreted my actions..... How could you ever believe that I would do anything to hurt you? Don't you see that it hurts me much much more to see you hurting! I can't bear the thought of seeing you sad. I can't believe I'm in love with someone who doesn't know me and doesn't even care to know me.... someone who is too busy chasing her dreams in a world of her own... too busy to appreciate my heartfelt gestures.... too busy to even show a bit of affection to me ..... too busy to even acknowledge my existence...?

I can't go through something like this ever again....the hurt is more than I can bear... I am through being an emotional fool. I can't afford to hurt myself anymore.... I don't have the strength, persistance or courage to love anymore..... My soul has borne the brunt of my failures for too long now... I think it's time for me to get some rest.... I know I must become stronger.... So while I'll always have a special place in my heart for you, next year on, I'm gonna leave you to enjoy your world fully. I won't be a distraction anymore. I won't trouble you anymore. I'm gonna take two steps back, turn around and hope and pray that I forget what you mean to me.... This way, I hope to avoid unnecessary complications and thereby transform myself into a better person.... It's best to end all this today, and look forward to better things next year.... than to continue in uncertainty until the wheels of time crush all carefully nurtured dreams....

Farewell my dear lady.... May you always be happy.....

Wishing the very best for you always,Anup-------Poem - Happy New Year

As the clock strikes twelveand the world rejoices the start of a new yearI think about us and wipe away a tearI still wish you were here

I wish you never have any fearsI wish you never have to shed any tearsI wish love and joy surround you alwaysBoth tonight and for all your days

Wish you a very Happy New YearMy lovely lady.... my dear...- Anup----A few more lines -May God shower us all with countless blessings today and forevermore.....May peace and love fill our hearts and may all our motives be pure....May angels wipe away each and every tearAs we all start a brand new year!- Anup-----I haven't been feeling too well lately... is it the weather outside or the state of my heart, or a mixture of both? I have no idea.... But, in this time of sadness and mild depression, I found great solace in the encouraging words of so many friends I never thought I had.... It was an eye-opener and a healing balm.... I must be doing something right after all.... God has blessed me with so much.... and so many great friends.... I am blessed indeed..... Now on I must look at what I have and be thankful for it.... rather than cry about what I've lost or what I could have had....

3 Comments:

It's a very mature letter. And you need not be cool to be loved Anup...Unrelated maybe but I like this statement... ""You don't love someone because they're beautiful. They're beautiful because you love them""

oddly, I know exactly what you mean in that letter...its sad, but things like that happen.its been a year and a half since the post, but you should take a listen to this song: "cigarette lighter love song" by butch walker...does a good job summing up those feelings.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. ... (1 Corinthians 13) The Holy Bible