As the rule-maker of this challenge, I reserve the right to do anything i want with this, and i am sure everyone’s aware of it. And yes! I am a fascist. I have decided to scrap all the awards that were on offer and introduce three new awards. The awards and winners are as follows:

AWARD

WINNER

RUNNER-UP

Creative Cannon

Kedar

Maddy

Well Tried

Arvi ( Especially for the post)

Liverpool ( For the 2-2 with Birmingham)

Better luck next time

Liverpool (For next year’s carling cup)

Arvi (For the comment)

Now we travel from a really boring presentation ceremony to the land of boring people and boring football, Germany; Home to Bayern Munich –the most underperforming club in all of Europe and South America.

When I started following club football, Bayern Munich was one of the first names I came to know. Thanks to that BBC World coverage after that epic Champions League final at the Camp Nou. From that time on until recently, I regarded them as one of the bests in Europe. Their consistency in the Bundesliga and their remarkable efficiency in the Champions League could only reinforce that belief. Their game in the Champions League taught many a club a lesson on how to go about this entire Champions League business without too much a fuss. Their style of play was as German as Hitler. Adorned by the kind of efficiency that is synonymous with Chelsea these days. They were simply one of the bests and were always contenders for the ultimate prize in Club football. The Real Madrid vs. Bayern Munich matches used to be one of the most tightly contested matches in the history of the champions league, and has given the world many enjoyable European nights. Fast track to today, they find themselves at a mediocre 8th in the Bundesliga and are having trouble despatching the likes of Bordeaux at home and hence are in the brink of elimination from the champions league.

I decided to do a bit of research to find out what’s gone wrong with the German Powerhouse.

A “FOR” AND “AGAINST” ANALYSIS OF THE PROTAGONISTS OF THE BLAME GAME:

LOUIS VAN GAAL:

FOR:

It is not totally proper to blame van Gaal entirely. Every manager including Rafa Benitez, is worth their 2 years at a club before you can conduct a perusal of their performance, if long term interests of the club are to be satisfied. Considering he is the 5th manager that Bayern have had in 6 years, there is more to Bayern’s disastrous start than Louis van Gaal’s incapability.

AGAINST:

For a man known for sticking to his tactics rigidly, he is yet to set out an unchanged squad for two consecutive games. That surely leaves a lot of question marks on his tactical consistency. And some of his signings were either not needed or not at all performing. His absence from the top flight of Europe for some time makes me doubt if he still can deliver in times when everything about European football has changed.

BAYERN PLAYERS:

FOR:

Seriously, how much of the blame can you fix on the players? There have been 12 different combinations played so far in 18 games. Most players in the starting 11 are new and yet to gel with their new team-mates and the different combinations only made the situation worse.

AGAINST:

Except Robben and Thomas Muller, no Bayern player has been able to produce the kind of consistency that is a must at the highest level. Klose and Toni who were the main source of Bayern’s goals for the past few seasons are clearly not in form and if reports are to believed are past their primes. Mario Gomez who is considered as a long-term replacement for Toni, is practising firing shots 20 yards wide from 6 yards out.

RIBERY INJURY:

FOR:

It is obviously a blow when your best player is missing. In moments where Bayern Players were completely underperforming, a spark from the tricky Frenchman could have decided the game and certainly could have helped the confidence of the team.

AGAINST:

Considering the quality of teams that are on offer in the Bundesliga, it does not take a genius to realize that you won’t need a Ribery week-in , week-out to get the necessary results. Every top European club manages to do it. Man Utd have more than coped well during Ronaldo’s absence in the past, Chelsea, Barcelona, Inter all have a decent track record of producing the right results even without their best 11. That is the hallmark of a true world-class side, in my opinion.

After all this brain-draining analysis, I seriously hope that Bayern manage to get their act together and try and at least imitate the team that was once considered the best in the world. They have the team to do it. They have the financial muscle and prestige to attract talent from across the globe. All this, not because I love Bayern Munich. But because I seriously miss those tightly contested Champions league matches involving Bayern Munich in which brilliance alone triumphed. And also because, without them, we might have had to endure “Football! Bloody hell!” in a deep Spanish accent from that fat-prick psycho panda after the great robbery at Istanbul.

See this link. Hansen, a Liverpool footballing legend claims :“Pepe has been a tower of strength. Keepers like him are worth their weight in gold.”

Now, let’s do a quick check on how much he is worth.. A few guestimates, but I’ve tried to be as generous to the lad as possible –

1) Let’s assume Reina is a tad on the heavier side and goes for his weight check-up after a heavy meal comprising stuffed turkey, hence :
weight = W = 90 kg

2) Going by recent reports in the newspaper, we see that gold prices have shot through the roof. Hence,
Price of gold = P = Rs. 17,000 per 10 gm
A little (not-so-involved) math will imply :
P = Rs. 1,700,000 per kg