Father's Day Bits and Pieces

We plan to do some mountain biking today. When my husband and son do steep downhill runs (downhill mountain biking), I just have enough time to drop them off at the top of a mountain and pick them up at the bottom. Hopefully today, if we ride (they went on a very long ride Friday which our son is still recovering from), I can ride, too.

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On the Way to Father’s Day with My Dad

Audio Transcript

I’m on my way to my parents’ memory care to celebrate Father’s Day with my dad. Yesterday when my mother learned that I was going to be celebrating Father’s Day with my dad and not be taking her to her communication recovery group in Newport Beach, she became very distraught, cried, and tried to leave the facility. So, I got a phone call asking if they could hire somebody to take her to the course. It freed me up to meet with my father for Father’s Day.
Granted, I’m not able to take my kid to and from school on Fridays when I go and spend Fridays with my parents. So, whenever I go and spend Fridays with my parents during the week, it interferes with my parenting. Luckily, today my husband’s home and he’s taking my son to school. My son goes to school too far to ride his bike.
So, I’m anxious because I’ll be seeing my mother before she leaves, and I don’t know how she’s going to react. I’m just anxious because whenever I see them, they expect me to get them out of there (their locked memory care community). And, I can just only take so much of it emotionally. It’s very trying.
So, it interferes with my ability to do my passion, which is writing, blogging, which I haven’t been doing as much. And, yes, I know people, some people, are a little concern that I’m doing this while driving. But, it’s a long drive. It’s like a 20 minute, half hour drive. We’re in neighboring cities, but Mission Viejo is a long city. And, then, it takes a while to get from their memory care facility to the Newport Beach communications recovery group.
I just don’t want to keep taking my mom. I want to start backing out of being a caregiver. I still basically am. But, I want to start putting up more boundaries and protecting myself, which I had to do before all this. I had to protect myself. I have to protect my time.
I have to make sure I have enough energy to take care of myself and my son. First and foremost. I have nobody else, beside my husband. Yes, my son is an adolescent, but he doesn’t drive, and it’s just not safe for him to ride his bike to and from school because of super busy streets. The speed limit is like 50 mph. He doesn’t feel comfortable riding on these streets. He feels comfortable on mountain trails, but not on these streets.

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Mental Illness and Violent Acts

My response to Marisa Lancione’s excellent post: Can we stop blaming mass shootings on mental illness?
Honestly, some mass shootings are perpetrated by people with untreated mental illness. I’ve had to stop myself from doing violent things. I’ve had completely horrifying thoughts and impulses, which I’ve had to tell myself not to act on, had to harness all my self control to not do. At the time, in fact, I was amazed that more violent acts don’t occur.

Brilliant. Just responded to another article that I have fought murderous (and postpartum incestuous and cannibal) thoughts and impulses. At the time, I was amazed that more murders don’t occur (and more infants not eaten).

11 Comments

What a GREAT, great photo of your son!
I hope you all got some good riding in yesterday…especially you! You don’t usually ride with them, eh? So that’s cool!
The new style of recording in your car seems to be just as safe as anyone who talks on the phone in a car. It worked well once you got the recording going, LOL!,
So sorry about your mom getting upset after she found out that you’d be celebrating Father’s Day with your Dad. It was good that you worked out a solution with the staff so she could go to her group.
I don’t blame you for wanting to do less caregiving, Kitt! Please forgive me for being blunt, but caregiving is not your job and I encourage you and give you permission to cut down on it as much as possible!!!
You have enough challenges and health conditions in your life. You cannot put your stability at greater risk by doing what you’ve been doing (i.e. you’ve been doing a huge amount of work by yourself and suffering heaps stress connected with your parents)
I loved hearing your laugh in the car – you haven’t lost your sense of humor/irony in all this. Thank God! You have a beautiful laugh and girl, you have bee-yoo-tee-ful headshots! I wish I could use your team of photog/makeup/hair when the time comes! Maybe they can refer me to some of their colleagues who live up here – this project wouldn’t be until next year, but I could get in touch with them then.
Sending you love as always…please take extra-good care of yourself.
You deserve it!!!
XOXO
Dy

Kitt, I am so glad you brought this up. I have had many such experiences myself. Just last night I had an outburst of punching my pillow and myself. I trained myself to use the pillow and myself rathing than punch my husband or dogs (or my Dad when he was alive). They are very rare now and since I stopped eating sugar (just one trigger) and my bipolar swings have mellowed out I can’t say I remember when the last outburst was. Yes, we are strong enough to reel ourselves in but we have been getting treatment and are more aware of what it doing on in our heads. There are so many who haven’t been diagnosed or have and have fallen through the cracks. I have read both of the articles you mentioned and had similar opinions as you.