Official blog of swearnet.com – home of the Trailer Park Boys

Contests

It’s that time of year again – everyone’s going fucking crazy, spending money on all kinds of bullshit. Luckily, Ricky put together an upcoming episode of Gettin’ Learnt with Ricky to help inspire you to save money with some great DIFY (do it your fucking self) decorating options!

The dicks at SwearNet want to see YOUR greasy Sunnyvale-style orlaments, wreets, gingy-bread houses, or whatever the fuck declorations you feel like making. Take a pic and upload it here! You can also tag it on Instagram with the hashcoin, er, hashtag #TPBxmas.

Jack, aka Kyle deMontmorency of Utah, is the winner of our Out of the Park: Your Town contest, where we asked you fuckers to imagine you worked for SwearNet and you were planning a few tasks for Ricky, Julian, and Bubbles to do in your town.

In judging these cocksucking videos, the SwearNet team was looking for submissions that showed the right amounts of effort, creativity, and fuckedness. Pine Beetle Jack delivered!

“While I was filming the contest video, I would dress up as my character Pine Beetle Jack, and go around town,” says Kyle. “Everyone would give me the weirdest looks that say ‘is this guy fucking for real’, or ‘what’s this mulleted fuck-stick doing on my side of town’. The people would see me riding the little threewheeler with its trailer, and laugh their asses off.”

And he certainly put some fucking effort into this video. We asked him if he actually snorted that nasty pine sap. He said he found an easier alternative, but holy fuck, it was no cake walk.

“I came to the conclusion that snorting Pixy Stix, aka the candy shit that is sugar crack for a five year old, would be the best possible option. Needless to say, I live in Utah, so along with all other good things in life we are unable to get here (weed, alcohol on Sundays etc.), I couldn’t find that damn sugar cocaine! I ultimately decided to settle for crushed up Sweet Tarts, mixed with Red Bull to ease the snorting process. You can see for yourself how well that worked out.”

He has a final bit of advice – don’t do this fucking shit at home.

“Climbing up pine trees is dangerous; never over-estimate the strength of pine trees limbs,” he warns. “Grabbing on that dicked-up tree branch to pull myself up higher resulted in it breaking, which sent me falling straight to my red neck ass. That was never intentional.”

For Tina, using a dumpster wasn’t just a greasy idea for a photo contest, it was a throw back to a few fucked up memories from her childhood.

“My mom was the Dumpster Queen,” recalls Tina. “She’s Mexican-Irish, so she thinks finding a good dumpster haul is thrifty and smart, not trash diving. If my mom gives you something and doesn’t tell you where she got it… it was from the dumpster. She’ll say that she ‘found it’, but we all know.”

Tina’s mom provided some fucking fantastic inspiration because the dumpster photo crushed the competition — nearly 400 other photos were vying to be the greasiest of them all. But it didn’t come without challenges.

“I scouted all of Burbank, CA to find an open dumpster where no one would bug us,” says Tina. “Did you know most people lock their fucking trash AND they have mall dicks guarding it? Luckily, I found a sweet spot and the security guard came over just as we were cleaning up. We got the fuck out of there before he got to us!”

Tina is taking home a DECENT prize pack of SwearNet swag, and she already has plans to celebrate.

“You know I’m gonna have a SwearNet/TPB party for my Usual Suspects,” says Tina. “I’ll cook for them in my Dirty Burger apron (and nothing else), change into my Green Bastard shirt for the party and wear the fuck out of the SwearNet hat–and I don’t usually wear hats over this big curly hair, but that fucker is awesome!”

She’ll also get a free one-year subscription to SwearNet, and she’s pretty fuckin’ excited about that, too.

Time flies when you’re being greasy! After three weeks of some seriously fucked photos, it’s now time to vote for the GREASIEST!

You have one week to drum up support for your greasy photo! Tell your friends, family, and social media strangers to vote for your photo — use the hashtag #TheGreasyOutdoors so people know what the fuck you’re talking about!

Put down your Pokefuck Go app and go spend some REAL time outside! Whether it’s a liquor picnic at the beach, extreme dirty burger BBQing, or a piss jug road trip, we want to see photos of how you enjoy the GREASY outdoors.

Our photo contest starts today – and you have three weeks to upload your photo. After that, tell your arsehole friends that they have one week to vote for your picture. The person with the most votes will win a DECENT prize pack, plus a one-year subscription to SwearNet! Runners-up will also receive SwearNet subs.

Starting next week, SwearNet will launch “The Greasy Outdoors” – a summer photo contest of epic shitportions. Start planning your cheeseburger picnics, liquor hikes, and piss jug road trips! Dust off that fucking camera because the photo with the most votes will win a SwearNet prize pack, including a RARE SwearNet cap, and an autograph from the Boys!