What You’ve Missed

The “90 Day” Rule

Things that your friends post on social media can tell you a lot about them…what they are thinking about, what they think is funny, or if they are just trying to get a rise out of people.

One of my friends on IG posted this the other day and I thought it was super interesting take on the 90-day rule (at first I thought it was funny, then I thought, “hmmm, I wonder what people will say”). So later on that day, I went back to check.

He didn’t have as many responses as I thought: one or 2 “Yes’s” and about 3 “No’s”. Now, mind you, I don’t know his friends so I just gave my answer, which was “Yes” because A) I have my own money and B) I would like to see how creative a man can get when it comes to dating and there is no money being spent.

He began to tell me how the base factor for a relationship should be companionship- someone to share your dreams and goals with-and that there shouldn’t be a “quid pro quo” basis- money for sex, or sex for money–and then suggested street walking as an alternative if that is what you are seeking.

What I find interesting is that there are people who don’t think about companionship at all when dating someone new, they go straight for trying to see what they can get out of the other person. I’m not going to lie, when I was dating it was hard not worry about whether or not a guy was expecting sex in exchange for taking me out (and then chalking it up to “chemistry” and “attraction”). I didn’t have a 90-day rule though, if things got physical, it did because I was ready, however, some of them proved to be not worth the trouble waaaay before 90 days were up and before anything physical ever happened so I was able to walk away unscathed. Lorenzo on the other hand has some horror stories about women who flat out told him that if he was having sex with them he had to pay for something. Or after he took a girl out, she felt it was appropriate to ask for money to pay her cell phone bill. Another woman, who didn’t have a job, was living with her parents, and had a medical condition that didn’t allow for her to qualify for medical insurance said she was looking for a man to take care of her financially…and when he asked what she had to offer in return, she pointed to her body. *facepalm*

He never gave any of these women money, in case you were wondering. His response to them was “if the shoe were on the other foot”, would they date him- the answer was usually “no”.

I always wondered if a 90-day rule is even necessary. Why does it have to be there hanging over your head determining the outcome or the course of the relationship? Why can’t people just date and get to know each other, and if things don’t work out then move on. Why is money a factor? Why is sex a factor?

I guess I say these things because money isn’t a big deal to me. I work very hard for my money and I don’t mind spending it on people I care about (which is why it irritates me when people imply that I’m with Lorenzo because he has a good job and buys me nice things). I’ve never cared about how much money a man was making, as long as he was doing what he could afford to do and wasn’t always broke or going broke by trying showing off. I don’t require a man to buy me purses and shoes…I do that for myself. I just needed him to be financially responsible so that we could build a life together. Some people don’t get that.

I would love to hear some feed back about the original question: Would you date a man who made you wait 90 days before he spent money on you? Why or why not? I’m not here to judge, I just want to understand the point of view.