Yesterday, worldclass brandfucker Darren Rovell attacked a KSK reader for making just a walkoff of a joke a bout my RG3/Hitler post.

He told website-subscriber Neill Mohammed that he was going to contact his boss because Neill said that Darren Rovel would be more interested in the value of the Nazi brand then taking care of his own kids probably. Darren didnt take that to well.

Whil I wish I could say I was suprised, sorrynot sorry (lol) I am not suprised with Rovells actions since he has the sense of humor of a Boston Market rotissere chicken that Kellen Winslow has got his hands all over.

Heres Neil interacting with Darrens brand yesterday- the offending tweet, and Darren getting his feelings hurt by a twitter joke:

I sat down with Neill to discuss how Rovells master plan of ruining a young mans life is going.

Neill, first’ve all i wanted to say how your literaly a hero for standing up to the opression of Darren Rovell.

Thanks! And you’re absolutely correct to describe this as oppression.

Is Charles Shipan your teacher are your RA or what exactly is he threatening?

Chuck is the chair of the Department of Political Science at the University of Michigan, where I earned my Ph.D. I then taught there for a year as adjunct faculty before returning to the private sector. I don’t know what Darren thought would come of dragging poor Chuck’s name into any of this. I don’t think Darren’s ever been reprimanded for *being* an asshole on Twitter, so I don’t think that it was realistic for him to expect someone else to be sent to detention for *calling* him an asshole on Twitter.

At any rate, presumably Darren Googled my full name and then zeroed in on the first authority figure he could find that had any presumptive relationship with me. To be fair, that is much more background research than Darren bothered to do in 2011 when he implied that NBA players were single-handedly propping up the sex trade in New York City, so he may be growing into his job yet.

In terms of consequences: I’m not terribly close with Chuck personally, but I’ve never known him to be anything other than a very gracious and sensible person. I’m sure we’ll be just fine.

Did he actualy send your tweet to Charles Shipan a long with a note explaining how mean you were?

As I write this, I don’t actually know one way or another. I sent Chuck an email explaining the situation earlier today, but you’d be surprised how hard it is to articulate both:

1) Who and what PFT Commenter is, and

2) What a colossal dick Darren Rovell is

in a single email to a professional colleague.

Did Rovell reach out to you afterwords to apologize?

He has not. Here, let me help you to the fainting couch.

In YOUR opinion why is Darren Rovell such a dick?

Darren Rovell is basically a nihilist. If you take him at face value — and who knows if his act is a put-on for the benefit of generating so many strong takes, or if he really is just branding and fame-whoring and branding and fame-whoring all the way down, like if Bertrand Russell’s turtles were paid to make shit up for national television — then the only thing that matters in the business of sports is infamy. And if infamy — or mindshare — is all that matters, than the only means by which anything you do or say can be evaluated is on the basis of what it does to your Q-rating.

I think that’s a strange ethic to have. I think it must be hard to live a life where the first or second thought that honestly pops in your head when you hear that Oscar Pistorius (allegedly, at time of writing) put four bullets into Reeva Stevekamp is to wonder out loud what that means for Pistorius’ endorsement deal with Oakley. That’s how Darren Rovell’s mind works, and I don’t think that’s tenable in the long term. I think that’s the sort of maladaptive thought process that, over time, probably leads to you being an insufferable jackass.

Do you regret making such a good joke at his expense?

I don’t. I still think that’s a solid joke.

I mean, if you have even a cursory knowledge of Rovell’s body of work, you can easily imagine claiming something to the effect of “Say what you want, but you’ve got to hand it to Goebbels for a hell of a branding campaign. He knew that the most timeless brands rely on primary colors.” Now, it is hard to know whether he’d believe it, but you can absolutely picture him doing it. It’d be more extreme than his usual shtick, but that’s a question of degree rather than kind.

And that’s the magic of Darren Rovell: in the course of living his everyday life, he’s operating at about 85% of a Peter Sellers / Mel Brooks caricature and doing so for professional gain.

My only regret is that there are hundreds of thousands of people out there who think Darren Rovell’s an even bigger dumbass than I do but who won’t have the opportunity to articulate that position to one of their favorite sports media satirists.

I dont no what your trying to say here, but you sound smart IMO.

If Darren Rovell were hear right now what would you say to his stupid face?

That I sent his Tweet to Robert Lipsyte.

Is Joe Flacco a Elite QB?

I can’t think of any recent cases where Ravens management have seriously misjudged one of their players. Can you?

All the ladys out there on PFT Planet will want 2 know,, are you single? And do you have a screen name on Rich Eisens Free Agent app?

I am! And that’s almost certainly because I’m not on Free Agent.

This gives me an great idea- a online dating App exclusivley for people who hate Darren Rovell, except theres already kindve a app for that,, its called “a bar.”

Thanks for siting down with me Neil. Your a 1st degree road grader and we all apprecate your work that helped us all unify behind the real enemy- Darren Rovell. #CancellRovell

1. A Rovell may not injure a brand or, through inaction, allow a brand to come to harm.
2. A Rovell must obey the orders given to it by brand, except where such orders would conflict with the First Law.
3. A Rovell may not injure its own kind and defend its own kind unless it is interfering with the first or second rule.

I imagine explaining who or what PFTCommenter is to a college faculty member was probably the most difficult part of your day yesterday. Like trying to explain the rules of football to a european, or colors to a blind person.

So are you familiar with YouTube? Have you ever read the comments under a YouTube video? Imagine that a particularly “special” YouTube Commenter wrote a website about Professional Football (American) and called it Pro Football Talk. Now, if that hasn’t already made your head explode, imagine the types of comments that you’d find on this football site. Now imagine that a brilliant satirist created an online persona, pretending to be one of these mouthbreathers. Still with me? Good. That is PFTCommenter. He’s real. And he’s spectacular.

America has so many people who are famous but I have no idea who they are. Worse yet is that I find out they’re talentless whiny bitches most of the time. Then I’m lik “America, y u make this guy famous?1″

There are many occasions when ignorance has been bliss and this may be one of those occasions.
Right with you @Horatio Cornblower and@David Terrell : No idea yet, he sounds familiar. Can any of youse expounds on the matter at hand?

Actually the swastika is a bit of a brand builder for Hinduism (has been for centuries). Goto India, you’ll see it everywhere with most folks not even knowing about the holocaust (leave alone it’s association with the Swastika).

But I’m sure asshats like Rovell would find a way to make that supremely douchey as well.

At my old job we used to give Darren Rovell secondary market ticket data for his piece of shit 2-minute section that he has on like the 1pm Sports Center. Surprisingly, he is even more of an asshole on the phone than on twitter.

My favorite bit from BDD’s article on Rovell/branding yesterday was Rovell’s adulation of Pepsi as some magnificent brand. If you’ve ever seen that notorious branding document put together when Pepsi was changing its logo ([gawker.com]), it just reinforces the vapidity and bullshit of Rovell himself.

It’s amazing how full of shit most “branding” things are. It’s taken over in a way that has made most marketing efforts cultish. I’ve worked for three companies, and not always for long, but each one has spent a lot of money on re-branding and consultants. I always think it’s wasted money. Anecdotal case in point: Pepsi’s logo/brand has undergone countless changes. Coca Cola has its logo, its bottle, its bears, all fundamentally unchanged over the years (with a rare exception). Their market shares have barely changed over the years, and Pepsi’s spent all that money on the branding, while Coke’s made their distribution strategy (fundamentally, logistics) their big strength (much like Starbucks is a real estate and gift card company, not a coffee company) and that’s kept them on top (at least in terms of just beverages; Pepsi’s taken over things like Frito Lay and such to get more money).

Coca-cola can’t change very much without people going batshit. When they did the whole “New Coke” thing (which was an effort to remove coca from the formula, there’s actually a plant in NJ where they make cocaine as a byproduct of making coca extract) people exhibited signs of loss equivalent to a family member dying. People have HUGE brand associations with Coke.

“At any rate, presumably Darren Googled my full name and then zeroed in on the first authority figure he could find that had any presumptive relationship with me. To be fair, that is much more background research than Darren bothered to do in 2011 when he implied that NBA players were single-handedly propping up the sex trade in New York City, so he may be growing into his job yet.”

I’m a tiny bit jealous. But I don’t value my immortal soul nearly as much as I value the prospect of being a highly paid idiot who can contribute nothing of real value, yet is still given a TV platform and a fat check.

“I spent 20 years in the USMC as an Infantry Officer, and when I compare NFL thugs, who are paid millions to play a kid’s game, to the fine Marines I had the honor of leading, who were paid a comparitively pitiful sum for risking and sometimes giving their lives for their country, it makes me want to vomit. Then, to have some of these idiots compare themselves to slaves is just adding insult to injury. I don’t care how high they can jump, how fast they run the 40, or how well they catch, not one of them ammounts to a pimple on the lowliest Marine private’s a$$. To he11 with the whole lot of them.”

Now my God is so awesome that he doesn’t even intervene with my life and I sometimes question his very existence in a fairly vocal manner and he never responds. And so I have stopped asking him questions and now we both leave each other alone.

I was something of a troublemaker in Sunday School. Not intentionally, I was always super polite. I just liked to ask questions and my late father just kinda sorta happened to be a radical left-wing almost-Panther so I had difficulty delineating between theology and history.

My *current* girlfriend doesn’t make kosher oatmeal. She makes fried chicken, she’s been watching porn longer than I have, and she wants implants. Probably going to put a ring on it. Regarding religion she’s a lot like you @yeah right. Maybe it’s a Catholic thing. I can certainly accept non-assertive religious belief (so, zero people in the South).

I think was think was can assume all blacks are racist pigs deep down at the core level. I mean look at affica its a real sledge pit of corruption and chaos. the only birght sot was Egypt and gee those people were white even though blacks keep trying to identify with that advanced race. look at the savage behavior of holder and ovomit, they wield power like draconian savages

After the PFTC-style grammatical errors and misspellings and ranting about “holder and ovomit,” that flawlessly written closing clause is like some kind of M. Night Shyamalan twist ending.

“What an ungrateful dolt- one less ahole on our team- tata- I cant wait till his new “team” gets smacked down. Slaves? Please- winners- definitely. Such a friggen pansy thing to do- bashing your former team like that. Its unfortunate that Belichick gave this loser the honor of playing on the Pats. He clearly didnt deserve the chance to learn from and play with the best.”

in my very best TAWMMY voice. It just flows so organically from the page to the voice in my head.