An ancient curse says, “May you live in
interesting times.” With a life full of special occasions – from births to
weddings to funerals – speaking up at these special occasions can indeed be
a curse for the unprepared.

Whether you’re presenting or accepting an award, you need to know the right
words to fit the bill. Toasting without testing everyone’s patience is a
party-saving skill. And if you find yourself called upon to give a eulogy,
here’s how to get through this difficult assignment.

Giving a Eulogy

Speak from the heart and you’ll be successful

Speaking at a funeral or memorial service is probably one of the most
difficult speaking assignments imaginable. It’s one thing to speak
coherently in front an audience; it’s another to keep from falling apart
emotionally when giving a tribute to a deceased family member, friend or
coworker.

But speaking at such an important event is a gift. By communicating what’s
in your heart to people who need help to deal with grief, you fulfill a
collective need for comfort. Here are some pointers:

· Write out the speech and practice it using an outline. You may need more
detailed notes than usual, in case you are overcome with emotion.

· Like any speech, use two or three main points, no more. · The speech
should not be a chronology of someone’s life, but rather a tribute to their
life. Let the audience know why the person was special.

· Don’t attempt to speak for everyone who knew the person. Share your own
feelings.

· To comfort the audience, focus on the deceased person’s personality,
including funny quirks and memorable events. The most meaningful anecdotes
are heartfelt and personal.

· Nobody is perfect. A eulogy, however, should not focus on the deceased
person’s weaknesses, but on his or her positive traits.

· Begin with a pause, to get control over your emotions. Take a deep breath
and count silently to yourself: “one-one thousand, two-onethousand,” etc.

· Look directly at the audience, being sure to establish eye contact with
several listeners. · Focus on the audience’s needs. A funeral is not held
for the deceased, but for the living. Recognize their pain and their loss.

· Inspire the audience. No one likes to deal with death, but it’s
inevitable. Help the audience deal with feelings of insecurity and mortality
and help them improve their outlook on life.

· Avoid platitudes, such as “Time heals all wounds.”

· What are the lessons and examples offered by the deceased? What challenges
did the person face and how did he or she overcome them?

· Use appropriate mannerisms. The somber atmosphere of a memorial service
does not lend itself to dramatic gestures and dazzling special effects. Be
sure to vary your tone of voice and vocal volume, and do use humor, but keep
it respectful to the deceased and to the audience.