Herro! I took a shower this morning (*gasp*) and decided to record it for you. It's more timid and nervous and goofy than sexy but hopefully I can work up to that. I don't understand why kids don't like baths. It's seriously incredible. Easily top three experiences of the day.

If you had a ton of extra money to do something cool to your housing situation, what would you do? I'd double pane my bedroom windows and add a surround sound system and make it a rain room. I went to this incredible installation in the Art Gallery of Ontario where they simulated a tsunami in Japan with real water beating against the windows, humidity, and sounds of heavy rain whipping around you. My uncle said it was exactly like being back in Taiwan. I love listening to rain while falling asleep and it's a rare occurrence in California. Sleeping to rain in my bedroom would be so dope. But until then, showers are cool too :D

Hey everyone! Wow, doing this video was a massive pick-me-up. I wasn't feeling very sexy this morning and just wanted to stuff my face into some food, but I knew you guys are waiting for a new striptease video. So I dragged myself up and begrudgingly opened my gifts from Artorius, and they were so stunning!! They put my butt back into a groove, I hit record, and damn, I look about 1000x better than I felt I did in my head 😂😂😂 Goes to show I guess that we're often our own worst enemies. And that often the best antidote for sadness is to reconnect with your loved ones and get your body moving joyfully again.

Thank you so much for pulling me back into real life and being my friend.

I hope you're having a wonderful September so far! Do you have anything interesting planned this month? I've got Asia coming this week, then Vancouver on the 19th. I'm trying to work out as often as I can. I went to hot yoga on Monday and am going back on Thursday, and am trying to do yoga and use a rowing machine in between. The joy of exercise isn't as nice as a plate of rich food, but I need to reframe the way my brain seeks pleasure :)

I really appreciate your support and will try to come up with extra special content this month and make you smile!

Hey! Thank you for sticking with me. I'm trying to quit my anti-anxiety/depression medication because they've been giving me nerve pains and screaming tinnitus, and now I'm in the part of my recovery where I still have all the side-effects and withdrawal symptoms, but none of the benefits, so I've been on an emotional bender the past week.

I sent personal monthly videos yesterday with exception of one :) and tomorrow I'll post a dance video.

The Story Behind This Shoot

This set was from last year when I made regular trips to Las Vegas. It was the middle of the summer, blazing hot, and the photographer wanted to shoot in an abandoned mine shaft and ACTIVE train tracks. The mine was super fun and gave me insane ankle strengthening exercises walking on broken limestone in stilettos. He really wanted to shoot me lying down on the train tracks, and I was nervous but agreed. We shot a little bit and I heard the train horn, "Whooooooo" and I told him I wanted to leave. He said, "No, no it's fine. I shoot here all the time. I know all about trains. I know the sounds. It's not close by. Let's keep shooting." And as an downtrodden little Asian women, I learned to defer to authority, especially since I need the money and sometimes photographers like to push or yell at me. So I kept shooting. "Whooooooo" The train was closer. I told him I was scared. I lived my whole life by a train. It's getting louder. I want to go. "No, no," he said, reasserting his train, field, and photography expertise. "WHOOO!" The train is eerily loud now. I said, "I can't do this. I need to go. I'm scared. I'm sorry." and I scampered off with my tail between my legs down the rocks below the tracks, defeated. Thirty seconds later,

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"

Train roars by, shaking the earth and throwing up debris. My skull and my ribs are shaking from the tremors. I don't know if you've ever stood next to a freight train going at full speed, but it's a force to behold. After the train leaves, I look at the photographer, he's in a sweat, staring forward.

I really wish I grew up learning strength instead of weakness. It's common in many societies to teach children to obey and fear rather than to be strong and empowered. Many cultures routinely break their girls mentally like horses to teach them deference, submissiveness, and service to men, family, authority, anyone but themselves.

Modeling has been my journey to reclaim myself, to fully own myself, my body, my life, and my spirit. Many scary things have happened to me, instead of letting fear rule my life and in the home, I've approached these fears head on and learned strength and conviction in the process. Instead of growing up soft and weak, spoon-fed indoctrinations through a slotted wall, waiting for permission to live, I ran away and became a wild and feral thing. And I'm a better friend, lover, and artist for it. Thank you for being part of my journey!

I'm so excited that Asia Abendroth is coming to the Bay Area Sept 6-10 and asked to work with me! She's one of the most well-known models on Modelmayhem and I've looked up to her for a long time. I remember a photographer I worked with glowed about her and talked about the first time he worked with her, she jumped on his couch and quoted The Chappelle Show,

I'm really excited to shoot with her and share the results with you!! Ahhhh, it's gonna be so great :D

I try not to weigh myself in order to stay sane, but took a peak today before my Saturday fashion show, and yikes! I'm the heaviest I've been in three years. That, and I get a message from my designer this morning informing me that I'm going to be wearing nothing but ethnic Hmong body jewelry...

Add to that, this model is pretty tiny. This figure is super coveted in the fashion industry and looks absolutely stunning on the runway, but I've never looked like this in my life.

Coupled with that, I'm eating now better than ever, less stress-eating, and get enough exercise for a great bubble butt right now, but I've gotten comfy with my life and finally kicked all antidepressants. Which is great, but can also lead to weight gain (30% more likely to go up a weight class than untreated), especially the critical time window of 2-3 years after treatment, which is where I'm at.

But dammit, I'm way too happy. I love you guys, life is great, food is delicious. So this will be the first time I'll try to lose weight without being super unhappy with how things are right now with my life. I love being curvy, but curvy body types don't gel naturally with fashion body types, and I want to slay this show and jump back into modeling like I never have before. To keep track, I've posted a video of my body right now and will update before my show and during the months after.

The Perseid meteor shower is happening right now! The peak was last night and tonight but it's just stupid cloudy and cold right now in Bay Area. I was trying to learn German and came up with relevant phrases. What kind of videos do you want to see? What kind of topics do you want me to talk about?

Man, I'm watching my very first hot wings interview video on Youtube and now I really want some buffalo wings XD

Hope you're well! Apparently tonight is the peak of the Perseid Meteor Shower, the most active meteor shower of the year. Sometimes up to 200 meteors an hour! I saw it back in Texas about 2013, and it was nice except for the fact that we had a full moon washing out everything. I want to watch the one tonight but honestly, I'll probably go to sleep after this XD

Here's a BTS video of me wiggling around in a colored bath with photographer Lou Roule. With the red lips and green water, it looks like something out of a fairy tale for me. It's a really cool effect and I can't wait to do it again in a nice, big tub.

The photos from this set is really incredible and I can't wait to share them with you!

I would love to establish a niche for myself as an ass and bath model. That would make life so easy for me XD Much easier than specializing in nudes on glaciers in Iceland or something. How do those girls do that?