"Your story should be written now while it is fresh and while the true details are available. A journal is the literature of superiority. Each individual can become superior in her own humble life." ~Spencer W. Kimball

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Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Bittersweet Thought Purge. Read at Your Own Risk

Saturday was a bittersweet day.

There were several problems with our rental house which have been long in need of attention. I asked my dad if he could help me fix the problems, and like the great man he is, he didn't hesitate with his willingness to come help me.

My dad is the best man I know.

Just saying.

We went up to the house and spent a few hours together, fixing things. I really enjoyed the time spent with him. My father is a very quiet man so the one on one time with him is so special to me. After we finished and we were driving home, I joked with him that I need to break some more thing so he could come out and help me again as I really enjoyed the time with him.

I dropped him off and rushed home to feed Beth as it had been a good four hours since she had eaten. As I drove past my grandparents neighborhood, I had a small thought about stopping in to visit them. My grandfather had not been well for a while, and we were all basically playing the waiting game. I decided against it as I had received three text messages asking when I would be home to feed the baby, and my grandma was under a lot of stress and probably didn't want a lot of visitors.

I got home to find the house quiet. My whole family was asleep. Well, excluding my night owl three year old, of course. I was shocked. Keith apparently had put himself to bed of his own free will and volition! Beth was sleeping soundly, scooped in next to her daddy who was also in dream land. It was such a sweet picture to walk in on.

I picked Beth up and began to feed her, knowing she would be hungry, even though she was sleeping. She happily ate and we looked into each other's eyes. I love my time feeding her, it is so special to me. I will always be grateful that I am able to feed my babies and that I don't have to supplement. I did with Keith, and it was so hard on me. What a blessing it is that my body produces enough milk for her to be healthy and happy. As I was pondering these thoughts, my little brother sent me a text message:

"Grandpa is with our other progenitors rejoicing in spirit paradise. He just passed at 8 pm."

As I read that, my eyes filled with tears, both happy and sad. I had been told that Grandpa had been talking with his parents, siblings, and even daughter who had all passed on before him. He could see them and converse with them while non of the others in the room could. He had been in a lot of pain, and so it was a relief that he was released from this mortal coil. But honestly, I am sad that my grandfather is not here with me. Selfishly sad, I should say. What a tender mercy it is that I know and understand that families are forever. That death is not the end, and that I will see my grandfather again. It may seem like a long time for me, but in his perspective, I am sure, it will just be a little time is all. I know that he has been reunited with his parents, and with my beautiful Aunt Florence, and there was much rejoicing on that side when he passed on and was received into the arms of others who love him so dearly. What a wonderful thing is the Atonement of Christ which made all of this possible, which takes away the sting of death.

I have been thinking these things over all weekend, mulling it over in my mind, and feeling so very blessed and lucky to have this knowledge and understanding.

Really, when I sat down and began to type, I wasn't going to do more than mention Grandpa's passing, but obviously it is something that I needed to bleed out of my fingertips.

When I began typing I said it had been a bittersweet weekend. The time with my father was so sweet, but learning about the passing of his father was so bitter. The prospect of my sibling coming out for the funeral is so sweet. Out of the seven of us, we live in six different states, and so it is always a grand occasion when I get to see any of them. I have been busy making a graph chart recording all the times they arrive, when they leave, and when they all overlap. I am so excited to see them, and am praying all will be able to make it.