To Making It Count

on August 28, 2012

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Not to sound cliche, but I have had quite the past when it comes to men and relationships. I don’t want to mention any names or specific situations, but it took a lot for me to put my faith in Z and trust him when we first met. Nothing he did, just the mistakes of past men in my life.

I’m sure you’ve heard the song, Crazy Girl, by the Eli Young Band. I first heard it when Z was deployed and I swear it was written about me. With the past that I’ve had, it’s hard to feel confident sometimes because you’re afraid of history repeating itself. Lucky for me, I married the right man to remind me of how much he loves me and that I have nothing to worry about.

We’re gonna do what lovers doWe’re gonna have a fight or twoBut I ain’t ever changing my mind

Z says “I love you” more than anyone I know and is constantly reassuring me of how perfect I am (which I assure you I’m not) and how lucky he is to have me. We go back and forth on who is luckier, yes, we’re that couple.

But last night, I was caught off guard in having one of the best nights I’ve had in awhile. He wasn’t supposed to come home until tonight due to a field exercise, so I had planned on spending the night without him. To my surprise, he was actually allowed to come home for the night! He didn’t get home until 10 p.m. and his alarm went off at 3:50 a.m. so we really only had an hour to spend together, given he was exhausted.

But that time felt different than it normally does. We sat and talked. We snuggled. We laughed. We joked. And truly enjoy every single minute we had together. It was like we were given this time that we weren’t supposed to have in the first place, and wanted to make sure we spent every second of it enjoying each others company.

Now don’t get me wrong, I love spending time with my husband on a regular basis, but this was different. We didn’t expect it and felt like it was a gift given to us.

So I started thinking… why shouldn’t all of the time in my life feel like that? In the blink of an eye, it could all be taken away, and I don’t want to feel as if I have wasted the precious gift of life I’ve been given.

We can say “carpe diem” and “live life to the fullest” but there’s a difference between saying it and actually doing it.

Jack Dawson (Titanic): Well, yes, ma’am, I do… I mean, I got everything I need right here with me. I got air in my lungs, a few blank sheets of paper. I mean, I love waking up in the morning not knowing what’s gonna happen or, who I’m gonna meet, where I’m gonna wind up. Just the other night I was sleeping under a bridge and now here I am on the grandest ship in the world having champagne with you fine people. I figure life’s a gift and I don’t intend on wasting it. You don’t know what hand you’re gonna get dealt next. You learn to take life as it comes at you… to make each day count.