WWE VELOCITY AND SUNDAY NIGHT HEAT WORKRATE REPORT – April 17 & 18, 2004Since Heat was one of them there “before a PPV” show there wasn’t much to talk about. So it is one report this week, which means less writing for YOU! to ignore. I still wonder if the WWE will able to get Velocity to fit into its allotted time window now that Confidential is gone. Poor little confused TIVO.

What WorkedVal Venis vs. Matt Hardy is my WWE match of the week when I go to vote in Schneider’s poll (also because I didn’t see Smackdown). This really is old times as I am sure that I have written about this match on Heat on at least more than one occasion. Hey, Cubs says next week that it’s the #300 episode of Heat. That’s depressing. Anyway, was there a good reason this was forced onto Heat but the La Resistance vs. Hurricane/Rosey tag was put onto the PPV.... yeah, yeah, yeah bunch of chimps. I know, I know. Actually, it’s for the best as I actually got to see this match. This was a nice simple match with simple but effective moves (armbar, elbow drop, standing surfboard, etc...) mixed with good looking chops and punches. I dug the battle for the superplex and I actually wondered if Matt would be willing to take the superplex to the floor. If this were on the PPV, he probably would have. The only real problem I had with the match was that Hardy couldn’t decide if he was going to work face or heel. The crowd was clearly behind him, which is fine, especially in lieu of his impending face turn but against the porn star – who is going to be face both in Canada and the US – he needed to stay straight heel.

The Doug Basham vs. D’Von Dudley part of the main event was fun... for the 15 seconds it actually lasted. Oh and Basham’s swanky purple tights. Those worked too. What material was that – suede? crushed velvet?

I enjoy that RAW Rebound thingy. Compressing Raw down into a less than 90 second video package works better than I think the company’s production team wanted it too.

Orlando Jordan vs. Johnny Stamboli was far better than it had any right to be... all because of Orlando Jordan. Stamboli is very very stinky. The production team also hates him as they never cut away from his awful strikes. Jordan should be flipped over to Heat. There are at least a couple of heavyweights that could help him to a fun match. Heck, Chuck Palumbo is doing zippy since the lottery.

What Didn’t WorkTom pointed something out to me awhile back that I have wanted to mention for awhile. I love Ultimo Dragon and all but he sure hasn’t been afraid to get into the habit of mysteriously selling the wrong body part. “Oh you are working on my back, so let me sell my chin. Hmmm... you have moved to my arm, I better sell my eye.” He so should have stayed retired. He and Nunizo, who I have no love for, wrestle the same UD match that I have been seeing since 1996. I’m tired of this. Probably for the best that Dragon is gone from the WWE.

Yeesh.... so they are actually sticking with this Holly/Gunn team? Okay dokey. If you squinted really hard, this was the 27th rate Koji Kanemoto vs. Scott Armstrong match. I would have much preferred Minoru Tanaka and Steve Armstrong as seconds though. Holly gets his two moves in, Akio bumps for and Gunn and Sakoda do the worst chase around the ring, in at least, seven days. This somehow got 20 minutes. Or five. It seemed like 20.

Someone needs to sit down whoever edits Velocity and explain to them that by having the announcers sit at the table but not actually do anything, choosing shots from the camera angle that shows the table is a bad idea. It is way bothersome to hear Bill and Josh being worked up about giving each other tongue when you on the screen, you can see Bill just sitting there like he is listening to a sermon. It’s a taped show people. Does anyone actually watch the finished product before sending the tape to Spike????

Shit, there was a joke that I thought of when the Divas commercial came on. Something about unfinished. Grrr.... I should have written it down. Fuck. It’s gone. Bah... Okay okay... umm... midnight chokers. sticky. load. circle jerk. blue balls. Ooof.... it’s not worth it. You write something.

The main event sure got fucked up when then did the old switcheroo. It was even more absurd that everyone but the ref figured it out. Its not like Danny and Doug look that much alike but there I go using logic again. I guess this is going to lead to a tag match. Eh, I would take that over the Dudley vs. Holly/Gunn

Val was trying to superplex Matt out of the ring? There's where compentent announcers could've saved me. I was mentally picturing the front superplex, Matt magically turning over and into position on a bounce, and Val hitting the Money Shot.

The success rate of actually hitting a superplex (and not having the spot end with a shove, for instance) is only slightly better than trying to the ten corner punches nowadays. But at least you only get one of those superplex spots a weekend.

Someone needs to sit down whoever edits Velocity and explain to them that by having the announcers sit at the table but not actually do anything, choosing shots from the camera angle that shows the table is a bad idea. It is way bothersome to hear Bill and Josh being worked up about giving each other tongue

You could've actually stopped the sentence there

when you on the screen, you can see Bill just sitting there like he is listening to a sermon.

They've been doing that since - Jakked*? I faintly remember seeing them do the same thing on Shotgun, even. They bluescreened the Superstars stuff, I think.

Anyway, the point is the WWE is historically lazy when it comes to covering this and they really should be better about it but hey, it's the weekend shows and they don't care.

* Which reminds me that I need to e-mail Rick to make fun of him wondering if he caught Jakked late at night this part weekend. Neat trick to shows that have been gone for 3 years. Probably on right after Relic Hunter.