It means I can sit on my arse reading GQ and eating Mars Bars all day long and meet my targets … I can then go off an have sex with some nice totty that lives round about, i found on the “uniform fetish” web site.

As I first read this statement I felt much as I did 10 years ago when handed a flyer on the way to the Riverside Stadium for a club promising "Topless totty and cheap lager" alongside the proclamation "creche facilities available".